New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-08-11
PITH AND POINT.

LAWYER Ito witness): ibid you say
that an incompetent man could keep a
hotel just as well as any body?' Wit
ness No. said an inn experienced
man could.''
A LITTLE girl in Sunday-school, who
had been pulling her doh to pieces dur
ing the week, was asked by the teacher:
"What was Adam made OPP Answer
"Dust." "And what was Eve made
OPP Answer Saw-dust.''
A LADY writes an indignant note to a
contemporary, in which, with true rus
tic innocence, she expresses a belief that
editors never 60 to Heaven. We thought
even country people knew that Journal
lists never went anywhere. They don't
get the chance. They just sit up nights
thinking how to do good, until the tops
of their heads wear holes through their
AN impecunious young man started
afoot from San Luis Obispo to Soledad,
in California. Getting fatigued and
desperate, he resolved to become a high
wayman. He had no weapon, and was
physically insignificant; but strategy
more than made up for these lacks. He
built fire in the woods near the road,
to give the impression that party was
camped there, put his hat and coat on
log to represent second man, and
when a stage came along shouted:
"Throw out that box, or you are dead
man." The driver dropped the treas
ure-box, which contained 1920, and was
glad to get away with his life.
A VERY rich old man had married a
young wife and died suddenly, on which
the widow raved like 4 maniac and ex-
claimed to the doctor who stood by the
bedside of the deceased: "Oh, III not
believe that my dear partner is dead :;
he could not die and leave me! No, no!
he's alive-I'm sure he's alive! Tell
me, doctor, don't you think SOP"
"Madam," replied the medical man,
with much gravity, 81 confess that it
is possible he may be revived. Twill
apply the galvanic battery" "Oh, no,
no. cried the grief-stricken widow
"Hard as it is to bear my fate,
will have no experiment against the law
Of nature. Let him rest in peace"
GEN. REUBEN was seated on mack
ercl barrel, with his feet on couple of
sugar hogsheads, and had just given an
account of how he froze them sliding
down hill in the winter of '76 There
was silence for a few minutes, interrupt
ed by an Interrogation from Mozart DAT
fodil. "Do you mean, General, to have
our understanding comprehend dat you
froze boff of dem feet in one winter?"
"Boff, ," replied the General, cutting off
q piece of tobacco about the size of a
toy harmonica. After another reign of
silence the Gcnela al demanded, "Do
you doubt dat statement, sah?'' s. No."
replied Mozart, 81 was only thinking
what long, hard winter it must have
BEEN"
THOSE NEW YEARS BILLS.
Those New Years bills, those New Years
How the long day their clamor fills
With ccaselcss tramp of tircsome dun,
With bills that can no longer run.
Those New Years bills. those New Years
bills, ~ t.'+
What dismal fears their sight instills
OF grim accounts of bygOne times,
OF stern demands on scanty dimes.
Those New Years bills; those New Years
bills!
The dun who talks until he kills;
The wretch who eyes your &canty store,
Takes all you have and asks fer more
Those New Another at the bell?
BY Mars, his gauntlct it is We'll;
Hand me tho gun; by heaven. I'll kill
The next man with a New Years bill
-If0,ykeue