The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-01-16
TAKE A SMILE.

Men Of letters-sing-p painters.
A tem-winder-the ivy green.
A peace congress "a quiet party.
A "sheet" anchor-a clothes pin.
Sweet put, eight slOooooO.oo.
Is the nitrate of silver higher or lower
than the day rate2
A big tree is the best boughing &C.
quaintance for hot day.
He that pryeth into every cloud may
be stricken with q thunderbolt.
When you purchase fish by the pound
the scales are always thrown In.
Sorrow and woman's age grow less
and less every time they are told.
1t is right to be contented with what
we have, never with what we are.
A tree may be downcast and not chop
falling. 1t may be blown down, for in-
stance.
Thoughts that burn-Amateur poetry
when the editors waste-basket is over
flowing.
Events are not In our power; but We
can always make a good use of even
the worst.
There is something in store for us all;
but it takes money to persuade the clerk
to hand it out.
"Don't buy thermometers. now" 10
the advice of an expert. They'll be
lower after q while."
Strange, but true. A word Ia season
is scarcely ever spoken by man In .
peppery frame of mind.
The man who starts for the river to
drown himself, will run for place Of
salty if he sees cross bull coming.
eyes, 1 want my daughter to study
rhetoric" said the mother, ''for she
cannot fry pancakes now without smok-
lug the house all up"
| When q man has lot Of shop-woru
goods in his store which he has tried to
sell until he is out of patience, he
marks them "Job lot"
| A woman who turned up her nose
and said with sneer that she ''oouldn't
marry mechanic" was right, after all;
no mechanic would have her.
81 have theory about the dead Ian
guages, "said the new student. what
is it?" asked the professor. THAT they
were killed by being studied too hard"
A boarder says that the rage for deco.
ration has not yet extended to buck
wheat cakes. They are still made plain,
and are seldom nailed upon parlor
walls.
A sailor Is not q sailor when he -
board; sailor is not sailor when he
Is shore; but be must be either ashore
or aboard; therefores, sailor is not q
sailor. -s.g
"Where's your partner this morning,
Mr.. Hyson~ the neighbor asked the
grocer. "Don't know for certain" eau
tiously replied the old man, che died
last night"
The position of minister to the Court
of st. James is difficult one to oil;
but the father of large family says tho
place of minister to st. Nicholas is hard
enough for him.
What's the difference" asked teach
cr in arithmetic, "between one yard
and two yardsr" GA fence" was the
reply of q member of the class. The
teacher was silent.
Wnen gentleman at banquet was
speaking of a friend of his who had had
the smallpox twice, and who had died
of it, ali Irishman who was presant in
quired whether the man died ofthe first
or second attack.
A little boy said he didn't want the
soft part of the biscuit. "Some little
boys" observed his mother, "would be
very thankful to get it." "Then why
don't you give it to them" answered
the four-year-old hopeful.
The Religious Herald, of Richmond,
] gives rather questionable consolation.
A Virginia subscriber writes as fol-
. lows: "You are publishing the obitua-
r ries of the Georgia and Alabama preach
I ers, but seem to have no space for
ours" The editor replied: "Bear
. with us. Your time will come soon,
we hope" H..ls