The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-03-19
VOL. XXIV----NO. IL.
VARIETIES.


An advocate of cremation urged as one
great point in its favor, that at would save
many dead person from being buried alice.''
q say, what are you mountaineering
out that room y asked n young clerk. mo,
l am sweeping out the dirt and leaving The
ROOM"
Jane" said he, Il think if you lifted
your feet away from the fire, we might have
some heat in the room" And they hadn't
been married two years either
1t has been discovered that younp men
are more bashful in summer than in winter
You can't get some chaps within fifty yards
OF Ia girl during the ice cream season.
In the depth of the sea the water is still
the heaviest grief is borne in silence; the
deepest love flows through the ewes and
touch; the purcst joy is unspeakable.
"A girl who can shed three tears at crit
ical moment and follow them up with quiv-
ering sigh can marry all around a blonde who
does nothing but try to blush.
An Indanan said TO young man who
chatled him upon his bald head: young
man, when my head gets as soft as yours |
can raise hair 10 sell"
A witness in Western court was asked
| il party to the suit was q truthful man.
mo" he answered "he'd rather lie at sixty
days than tell the truth for cash"
The sea serpent was seen sixteen times in
1879 against nine times in 1878. This proves
that the whisky manufactured last year was
almost twice as demoralizing as that made in
1877.
Women" quoth Jones' "are the salad
of life, at once n boon and a blessing" ain
one sense they're salad indeed" replied
Brown, they take so much time in their
| dressing"
q am not afraid of Il barrel of cider, said
a topper to temperance man. 81 presume
not" was the reply; "from your appearance
guess barrel of cider would run at your
approach"
Some one has opened . cafe just opposite
a cemetery in Paris. He dedicates his house
"to those coming from funerals" and an
nounces on his sign, Private rooms for all WHO
desire to weep by themselves. Wine and
liquors of the very best"
The shutters of a shop in Paris were
lately closed and the following blackboarded
notice posted thereon. "Closed on account
of suicide. Will open Monday next The
| afflicted widaw will sell the stock at greatly
reduced prices, Look out for bargains
u
patent medicine speaks for itself: Dear Sir:
Two months my wife could scarcely speak
She has taken two bottles of your Life Renew
Ell, and now she can't speak at all Please
send me two more bottles. Wouldn't be with
out it,"
"A young man who was married in De.
troit six months ago has joined in the discus
sion of family economy, but his little con
trlbuton is far from satisfactory. Al do not"
he says, understand how it is. | used to
figure it out, as | sat with my arm round her
waist on Sunday nights, all it would then
cost to live would be S2.75 week, and now
spend Sl5and am hungry half the time"
Brute!
An article is going the rounds of the pa
pers headed "Should Cousins Kiss ?" and ar
gumcnts are advanced TO show that they
should not Well, Il person who argues that
it is wrong to kiss a pretty cousin must be an
old cumudgcon. Cousins should be kissed
First cousins sort ofsparingly, second cousins
considerably more, and the farther the rrla-
tionship is removed the more they should be
kissed, if they want to be --HtIraUIee Sim.
- Young Pinkcr, says the Cleveland IOirc.
is anything but deep, but still he has Il mem
DRY Tor all slang expressions. The other day
at little social party he mentioned the fact
that the chief clerk in the office in which he
is employed had resigned. And you've got
the vacancy suppose, Pnkey?" iokingly
inquired one of the boys "Oh! yes" sarcas.
tically asscnted Pinkcr, "Pve got the vacancy
in my mind" Yes, that's so, giggcd the
prettiest girlin the room, and then everybody
laughed, and Pinkcr says he can't for the lie
of him see what it was that so aroused their
mcrrmcnt.
The negroes in certain localities over III
West Alabama are said to be partially crazy
in regard TO the exodus, and picture Kansas
and Indiana as Il terrestrial paradise. One
darkcy shows u letter from his brother in
Kansas which gives the following picture OF
the delights and comforts of the western life
If such u description doesn't draw, nothing
else can The letter reads thus:
Sur 'nutt am here in the Ian oh Kansas
Niger you don't no muffin; dis am the
GREATS Ian on de ycarh Me an Sam wen,
possum huntin' 'tother Mite and | swar' we
cot II POISON dat wade u hundred an fife
pound An ole hare come up to your do like
turkeys goin To roost. You don't do muffin
here but eat an sleep and 20 to preachin"