The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-10-16
MISCELLANEOUS.

~ ~
: MISCELLANEOUS. HtIt
A comedy" says Mr.. ii. j. Byron, the we'll
kso.Hn actor and dramatist, 81 10 like cigar. Ii
<sgood every one wants q box if it's bad nc
, zznonnt of pulling will make it draw.
Al frog was found IN q New York milk-can one
dag. The milkman believes that the COW
sEsilowed il.
The doctors daughter >. Janet, are you never
going to leave OF that unbeeOming old bonnet? -
Aged Yillager - Well, Miss, I've wore it for
ssy :s B5"r Ss''' and the vicar says may be took
The Bloomington Eye Publishes births, mar
riazes, and deaths under the heading 'Hatched
M1tEhed, Dispatched. - IL would take less type
ss1s the Philadelphia Bulletin, TO say ' Bred,
Va, Dead - ~. 1a g - tf "a
PArson - Seated alone, in the evening of life,
10or thoughts, my friend, must oltimes wander
70 many subjects." Aged Rustic +" Yes, they
'' dos. SIR. Mostly a-Sundays, when you be
s-Freaching-" tf
Did you ever notice that if you 70 into an
oi1ce where the uan the street talking poll
IN all the time he isn't in bed, you will always
!. sse framed chrome hanging up over the desk,
- 4" lime is money
Charles Lamb was playing whist with Martin
: Here anything but clean they might have
been. - say, Burney, if dirt were trumps
whRt q hand you would have : = Charles s
FepaEk- ........ ..t.t
? BE careful about handling new books. Some
oF them are 50 interesting that reviewers say
- you cannot lay iG down before reading It
through." Such volume might keep q man
from going 20 a funeral or meeting an important
cnnngsment with a poker party.
A southern. gentleman had recently welded
Hss Lizzie Dollar. II he husbands his fortune
MI be ought never 10 be without q Dollar in
ttn house. - Rome Sentinel. Wrong again.
Af.sr he married her she hadn't dollar to her
u4me.-New Haven Register. .e
A man who firmly believes that q second Good
g;lI cume next November to cover the whole lace
u he earth Is building an ark at Helena. Texas.
L18 cruft will bold hlty persons, with food Tor
lnrsg days and forty nights, and he will take
p4aengers at $500 each. Every other Vessel
hs Explains. will be wrecked.
Ehen q man sneaks into the house at mid
night, and tres 20 get into bed without waking
1P the family, every stair and noor board creaks
l1ke a rusty swinging sign in . gale but a bur-
x<1r can 20 through the same house nOiselessly
a. floating zephyr.
Inquirer asked 80 Is the Great Eastern
&IArgest vessel ever built a" An impression
hra Ros abroad that she IL, but such 10 not the
c1sa The Mayhower, in which the Pilgrim
Kzthers came 20 this country, the largest
stfp that ever ploWed the water. The old furni-
kur1 scattered over this country. brought over by
a. Mayhower. would fill the Great Eastern
dozen times or more.-NOrrisfOlOH Herald.
= This il a nice time Of night for you TO be
cning M said q mother To ber daughter,
uho returned from a walk at ten O'Clock.
- m hen like you, continued she, . my
U1Iher would not allow me out later than seven
cc.Dek" - Oh, you had nice sort OF q
no<her," murmured the girl; '' l bad, you
y11bg jade, said the mother, % a nicer mother
t1zn ever yOu had. .'-SdLem Sun.
l-ook here. Matilda said a Galveston lady
a the eOI0red cook, .'yOu sleep right close 70
kbc chicken house. and you must have heard
ihose thieves stealing the chickens" I" Yes,
IAN, heerd de chicken hOller, and heerd de
H1ices OF de men." why didn't you get out
tAsnY' "Case, ma 'am (bursting into tears), case,
~ am, knoWed my ole ladder was out dar, and
Rouldn't hab him know I'se los confidence in
hiln foah all de chickens in de world. IL had
ztne Ous dzr and kotcbed him it would hab
tFDke his ole heart, and be would hab made me
t1te de chickens hume ioah him besides. He done
toie me de day before dat he's gwine to pull dem
chickens dat night. .''-GdireStOn NeIrs.
IA fortune teller was arrested IN Paris, and
cnrried before the tribunal of correctional
phlics ssIou know how TO read fortunes ?" said
\ man OF great wit, but rather fond Of joke lor
q magistrate. II do, sir said the soreerer.
..in this case" said the president, ''you know
fte indignant ne intend TO pronounce p =. Ger
.xinly" .'What will happen To you - mo
Ehing ?" s.YOu are sure Ot that ?" Yes you
will acquiG me Ae9uit you p There is NO
f8aht nhous is why 20 '.Bec4use, sir. il Il
I'D been your intention To condemn me, you
nouId not have added irony TO misfortune" The
rresident dIscOucerted, turned To hIs brother
t@igea and NE soreerer was dIscharged n
Among the raiIway travellers eating dinner in
U hotel IN Baltimore the other day was q fellow
Irbm Favette. Ohio, who swallowed meat, po-
>lloea, and bread a. IL be had been . week 18th
1ot eating second cup OF coffee was brought
~ him. and in his hurry be picked huP and
aDk large swallow. IL was considerably hot
- than pepper, and in his excitement be opened
NJ mDuEh ana shos the liquid across the table
<&hinss young mans shirt bosom . Gosh
rboop-hOG-beg pardOn-and blazes =! he ex-
<himed, reaching after water. ''fou are hog,
ar 90 replied the young man, "a regular bog
(" Am. eh 81 sYes. SIR aAnd I've gof bris.
~ ?" Yes, you have And gruntP ? Yes.
.1sranger.' said the Ohio man, as he reached
4tter another slap-jaek, stranger, I'm not q hog
I'm Only politician, bound for Washington.
Al Englhhn@n, who did not speak word Of
trench. went one day into Paris restaurant to
TIC his dinner, when he took a fancy 70 eat
asne mushrooms Not knowing how to trans
>ste the word in French, he calls the waiter and
1fnWs Tor him with pencil, on a slip Of paper,
besnIiinl mushroom :. All righf,'' says the
alter with a knowing look. And two minutes
4fterwards be comes back With-an umbrella.
On the Hon. Harry Erskine receiving his ap-
Doipsmenf % succeed Mr.. Dundas a. JusticiaTy,
IN Scotland, be observed thai he mase 90 and or
1 Der his silk robe. Never mind, - said Mr.
Dundas, ''for the short time you will require it
gou had better borrow mine" mo-" replied
Erslioe. ono matter for how short q time sOeyer
may need it, Heaven forbid that 1 commence
my career by adopting the abandoned habiss Of
nv predecessor"