The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-05-26
WAITS AMID WHIMS.

A TOE jam makes the smallest foot al
acher.
THERE is a miser in this place who
viii not even give man advice.
A FELLOW can never get intoxicated
on being treated with impunity.
ORPHAN people should be educated
at the UhiTersity of Pa
.SUNDAY-sCHooL TEACHER = " You
must recOllect that all 1 am telling you
happened one thousand eight hundred
and seveiity-iiii1e years ago." af z.
Pupil" Lor miss, how the time do
slip awayr >, .. 'a
THE last thing that man wants to dG
is the very last thing he does-die.
IGNoRANcE has no light; error follows
q false one
A FINE coat may cover q fool, but
never cOnceals one.
THERE is no grief like the grief which
does not speak. ....-'. "
HE who blackens others does moi
whiten himself.
THE Chinese are said to have used
beer four thousand years.
A CtFF ON the Wrist is worth TWO on
the ear.-An1erican Punch.
THE way some farmers put up corn il
shocking. YORK. HeratI.
ITs poor land that can't hold its sown
Cincinnati C0n1n1ercidL.
A BAD little boy calls himself Com.
pass, because he is boxed 50 often.
A DRAFT will bring on cold, cure g
cold, and pay the doctors bill
Il
the tomato ketchup?
WE caution timorous, fastidious la
dies against going into the forests with
out fan to hold up before their eyes
The trees are making reckless ex-
posure of their bare limbs. -u..-
IN the coming race for the matrimO-
NAL prize, the family flower that makes
the best bread can sit down a winner on
any lap she chooses.-Net0 York People.
You dOughnut say so. .. .....
THERE seems to be a hope that long
suffering public will obtain relief at last.
Captain Boyton cOntemplates taking
swim down the Yellowstone, and nobody
ever came through that river alive.
SHAKESPEARE never repeated. There
was gifted little boy in Kentucky
last week who resembled the immortal
bard in this important particular. He
thoughtlessly twisted a mules tail.
4 A YOUNG woman down town says she
didn't like to kiss her sweetheart with
the soft new mustache, because it made
her feel so down in the mouth.-Stegl-
belUiiie Herald. ......
The campaign club that can't locate
its headquarters in or near a beer sa-
loon is in hard luck. The most of them
are lucky. Politics are a good deal like
beer anyhoW-half of the enthusiasm
is foam.-N Y People. .......
" WHEN freedom from her mountain
height unfurled her standard in the air.
she little thought that the time would
come when the cheeky agent of BOggs'
Sure Cure for COrns," would also puff
his nOstrums there.
IT may appear remarkable, but Cay
enne pepper, one of the hottest of things,
is excellent to make ice water. If you
don't believe this, throw handful in
somebody's face, and watch the eyes
water.
WHEN a dog snaps at a fly that has
been foOling around him for four or five
hours and misses it, he feels Just like
girl who pOurs the full tide of her afIeC-
tion5 over young man and suddenly
discovers that it won't soak in.
THE reason why great men meet with
80 little pity or attachment in adversely,
would seem to be this: The friends of
great man were made by his fortunes,
his enemies by himself, and revenge is a
much more punctual paymaster than
gratitude.
THE point of aim for our vigilance to
hold in view, is to dwell upon the brightest
sights in every prospect, to call off the
thoughts when running upon disagreeable
objects, and strive to be pleased with the
present circumstances surrounding us.
To make a picnic lemonade, take tub
of water, few lemons, more or less
sugar, huge lump of ice, large amount
of imagination, and another tub of water,
to keep the lemonade tub filled up, and
you have it without limit, -Ne0 Orleans
Picdy1IraR-
WILL you ever be mineP he asked
her rapturOusly; and when she answered,
d" There is one above knows ALL" he
thought camp-meeting had struck in and
clinched; but she only referred to the
old man, who was slumbering in the
T" front room-secOnd."