The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-10-01
knotholes in the fence of mean dis
position.
Several plates of ice-cream
And piece of cake
Make the finest kind of

And piece of cake
Make the finest kind of
Modern stomaeh-ache.
It is said Vice President Wheeler cured
himself of stammering by holding peach
stone in his mouth. He knew if he hes-
tated in his speech the peach stone
was lost.
The New Orleans Times finds the fol-
lowing OH an alleged tombstone:
Sad was the fate of Zaehariah Blumm ch,
Kicked by q mule times in the stomach
His soul went TO heyven in the cleaning.
Richard Henry Stoddard, who was at
one time hard-working molder, with
every prospect of successful life, is now
one of the most notorious and confirmed
poets in this country.
-. In what condition was the atliarefi
Job at the end of his life ?'' asked a Sun
day-school teacher of quiet-looking boy
at the foot of the class. 8 Dead" calmly
replied the quiet looking boy.
g have three children who are the very
image of myself.'' 81 pity the youngest, ?
replied his interlocutor. - Why ?'' ''Be-
cause he is the one who will have to
resemble you tine longest,
A Maine school teacher captured. thirty
three eutls of gum from her pupils in one
day, and it was rainy day at that
Detroit Free Press. Most any school
teacher can do that she but cllews.
A regular physician is now in attend
ance at every performance in Haverly'S
Fourteenth street Theater, New York.
This has been the custom in the leading
Paris aud London theaters.
Now it is Rev. S. F. Smith who "just
threw off a few lines and thought perhaps
the editor could fix it. He says substan-
TALLY that when he speaks of ''My Country,
; Tis of Thee,'' and it wasn't much of
day for countries either.
The sun is down, but backward sends
His parting rays of red
The child its day of pleasure ends,
And trundles off to bed
And softly DER the eastern hill
Comes the translucent moon.
And as one chair they each do fill,
The lovers sit and spoon.
A man in Iowa has been arrested for
assaulting his wife, and he was found gull
ty, even though it was shown that he only
stuffed her mouth full of putty when lie
wanted to go TO sleep. Do we men have no
rights Mt all?
Take the elevator Is inscribed on the
fence of an Iowa meadow. A curious
traveller who climbed the fence diScovere,!
in about ten seconds tnat the elevator is of
dark brindle color, with a curl i'll the
middle of his forehead.
Upon the summers check tint
OF tenderer pallor lies,
We read a soft unspoken hint
OF death within her eyes.
And Tauch the anne prophetic shade,
Pathetic strange and mute.
Falls DER the trousers slightly trayed.
OF the young mans summer suit.
oh. pshaw - petuantly exclaimed
Miss Lydia Langulsh. looking up from the
last new novel in response to summons
from her mother to come and assist in pre-
pariug dinner. '' Oh, pshaw am just
where Edward de Courcey MontalberS is
| Adele St. Clair, and wish dinners had
never been invented - And the look of
supreme disgust that flashed from her eyes
showed that she meant il.
The boy stood on the second base,
With cotton cloth his thnnb
Was bandaged. Till it really looked
Like a miniature Krupp gun.
Two men out, he would not stir
The captain grew quite hoarse,
He loudly yelled at that small boy,
Who never stirred. of course.
But bark What fearful sound is that !?
The boy. o where is he =?
Quite easily he reaches home
On a hit OF bases three.