The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1880-03-31
BOONT0 MARRIED MEN.
AN INGENIOUS INVENTION WHICH
SAVES MANY CURTAIN
LECTURES.

surpassed by genius who has invent
ed what is called a "Married Man
Indicator 1t is a wonderfully sensl-
tive arrangement of the ordinary fher-
mometer, in convenient pocket size,
and is graded to scale OF ca6altstic
marks. which show the exact state oil
the domestic atmosphere at any hour
of the night. The hard.worked and
belated husband arrives home, say at
midnight. He takes out his Indicator,
thrusts it in the keyhole, and leaves 1t
there for few seconds. Pulling it out
quickly, he scans the dial by the moon
lights ftful cleaning. 1t 1t marks
"S. Al (sound asleep) the poor hus-
band pulls off his boots noiselessly,
uses his night-key with bated breath.
gives the door quick shove to keep
it from creaking, steals trembllDgly t."
bed, and when his dear little wiley
wakes up ab0ut two seconds alter
wards and wants to know how long he
has been at home, he is 80 very sound
asleep that Gabriers trumpet couldn't
wake him.
If the indicator scores "a. A. c. B.
DIX. w. T. awake, awful cross, but
does not know what time it ISL the
husband puts few more grains of co.'s
fee in his mouth; opens the door bold
~, walks in with slam bang air, hits
his foot Intentionally against a chat;
wants to know why the devil the
chairs amt kept out Of the way; gets
desperately mad on general principles;
scares his wife clear out of her cross
ness and intended curtain lecture; re-
fuses to let her get up and strike a
match--never did like light at night,
nohuw; remarks gruAiy iu response to
a timid inquiry that otis about TWEEN
ty-fve minutes past TO-" and then
turns into bed IN such an apparently
awful state IF MUD that the wife of
his bosom is afraid to speak to him -
at which he is very sad, of course.
There are numerous other marks on
the Indicator, showing just where il
will do to "play the lodge dodge" or
the "sick friend;" or "been standing on
the corner talking with SO and so for
more than an hour;n or general or
honorable this or that from you know
where, was in town, aud had to go
away IN the 2 O'Clock train, and he in
aist"d so strongly that the whole party
stayed up tn see himj off, although it
was a great bore, and we only did it
through courtesy"
But the most awfully awful Of all
the cabalistic signs OH the dial is the
one Mt the top. about two marks above
boiling point. When the weary hus-
band comes home about 4 m. from
the direction of the butcher shop, with
a roll Of meat held high in the air, 81
that ever que he passes cannot fail to
see it, and STICKS the indicator in the
k"yh0le, he il almost ton weak to ward
it cut. With hair on end he reads it
hy the faint light streaming in upon
him from the eastern hills, aud sweat
breaks out on his noble brow in drops
as large as waluuts, as he sees the bulb
Of the indicator jammrd smack up
against ar. H. S. II. w. F. j. I. T. d.
fred hot and still heating aud wait
ing for you just outside the dool.) The
inventor of the instrument says that
when this terrible misfortune overtakes
a man he feels that there is nothing
left iu this world worth living Tor. aud
appreciates the full force OF those beau
tiful lin g.
This world is all feeting show,
HOE ulu uttusion gwen.
He sings the meat out into the yard,
aud braces himself for the coming fray,
but says nothing, for nothing eau be
said. Be he ever so gifted liar, his
accomplishment is more than value
less. No lodge, no sick friend, no
talking on the corner, no sitting up to
See the general of. no swearing that
he will never do it again-in fact,
nothing will avail. 1t is an absolutely
indefensihle case. He is caught in
fdgrante delicto. Even the CHASTITY
gayety with which, two hours previ-
Gus, he had said to the boys that he
"guessed he'd see it out now-might as
well be killed for sheep as lamb
had all vanished. The Indicator hav-
Ing told him the exact situation of
things he knows just what to do, and
that is nothing, but get into bed at
once and wrap the drapery of his conch
about him, pull the pillow over his
ears, and wait for his wife's breath to
give out. It's awful while it lasts, but
it has its use in relieving the unfortu
nate husbands mind of part OF its load.
The indicator is great invention,
aud no family should be without ope'
For sale at all stores where they are
kept Cincinnati Enquirer.
R~~sN
SPORT IN THE SENATE Quite
funny scene occurred in the Senate
tits afternoon. A comic paper in
New York, Puck, has printed a cartoon
with Presidential candidates faces up