The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1880-04-08
WAIFs AND WHIMs.

THE shortest joke often makes the
longest run.
COLOR blindness is thought to be
growing prevalent. For instance a
man with red nose thinks that nobody
sees it.
A MAN can buy hat for one dollar.
1t takes from ten to fifteen for a woman
to go comparatively bareheaded.
| WHAT is the reason the man who
draws the big prize in the lottery always
| lives in town about five hundred miles
distant?
WHEN Mormon family hangs out its
washing there are generally fifteen pet
ticoats to every shirt on the line.
ANEW use has been found for board
| ing g-house buckwheat cakes in the oil
region. They are utilized for patching
up secondhand steam boilers.
THIS is leap year, to be sure, yet it
does not look very well for a young
lady to be going home at 2 o'clock in
the morning, after sparkling her bean.
The young man who Toasted of hay-
ing been to three balls had only been to
a pawnbroker's shop, trying to borrow
a secondhand dress coat.
THEY went fishing. She looked
languidly at him and said: 81 wish
the fish would bite at your hook; if I
was fish would
THE man who said he would pay his
subscription as soon as his corn was all
gathered is going to avoid payment by
| leaving half-dozen stalks standing till
next fall.
In one of our exchanges we notice
lady gives "ten reasons for not dane
! ing,n and wen bet if all her reasons
were boiled down into truth she can't
dance.
: SOME people believe that If, when
person sees goat rushing upon him, he
will sit down to the ground the animal
will not touch him. This, however, Is
merely an untried theory.
KENTUCKY girls have been married
in the Mammoth Cave, and Buffalo girls
on the Niagara Suspension Bridge
Boston Post. The first must have
deemed matrimony cell and the latter
a state of suspense. -
l DANIEL O'CoNNEL once met con-
ceited literary friend, and exclaimed
"I saw capital thing in your last
pamphlet l' Did your eagerly re-
piled his delighted listener; what was
it?' ga pound of butter"
IF, as we have been taught, grey hairs
are sign of wisdom, we know of some
men who will live to be one hundred
and forty-nine years old, and still carry
about with them a head as black as
ravens wing.
NOTHING 50 takes the courage out Of
social story teller as to relate funny
yarn to an absent-minded man, who not
only neglects to laugh, but five minutes
later tells the funny man the same
; story and expects him to be intensely
amused.
BILKINGToN had passed away. Mrs.
tB., who had just read the notice of his
, death in the newspaper, said: What
J, pity John couldn't read thist He
, would be SO pleased to see his name in
! printp
SETH GREEN says it is as easy to raise
! fish as it is to raise chickens; but it is
, not SO. A man may sit on the rivers
bank with fishing tackle all day without
raising single fish, but he may go into
his hen-house and raise a chicken-o6
its roost-in two minutes.
t WILL you please pass the milk,
, Miss Brown 7'' asked a young man of q
, fidgity old maid, at the supper table.
| Do you take me for a waiter" che
l answered. "Well." he added, Gas nc
|, one has taken you thus far, and you've
( waited SO very long, I should think you
. were one."
WHEN you hear man, in the midst
of an argument say, g Well don't pre-
tend Ito be any judge of so and SO, but
| according to my idea, it is SO and So u
/ you can Just bet that he does consider
o himself judge of the matter under
q discussion, and calculates he knows al
IS there is to know about it.
g The editor of the Sauquoit IN. Y.
l Register suggests that persons sending il
, big eggs will please accompany them by
y several ordinary sized ones, not for pub
t lication, but 30 that the contrast will bt
h apparent, and as a guaranty of good
g faith.
l EXTRACT from a remarkably sharI
I boys composition on tobacco: The
!, habit of using tobacco is very bad; il
f fact, my Third Reader says it is dis
: gustiIg. Even hogs won't use tobacco
= But that's because they amt persever
ing. No one likes tobacco the frs
time. And if hogs would only stick ts
it little while, there wouldn't be NJ
more said about their refusing the filth,
E. stuff"
IF As P. T. Barnum was selecting a tur
H. key in one of our markets, yesterday
n the owner drew his special attention t.
IL a large fat gobler. Suspecting it wa
s. an antedeluvian, Mr.. Barnum said, witt
Is a smile: What do you sell that ole
lie gentleman for? With an air of tri
is umph the owner replied: "I sell hin
a for profit" ga prophetI Oh, I sup
s. posed he was a patriarch" was tn,
IN quiet response. The study of sacre,
ct history Observation-Disclosures Stand
p ard.
" "WHAT delightful place the cour
OF try must be-" said young Fitzalmont t
9, an ethereal being who had lived ON
Mt farm all her life. " Nothing to do bu
le to pluck buttercups and daisies, and hea
ne the little birds chirping all day. An
b then the gurgling brooks. All, mel W
9. city folks don't know what the countr
ne is" Then the maiden looked up int
OF his face with the coyest kind of
Id smile, and warbled: " You're way OF
or young'un; this is pig-stickin' time, al
nt we don't have no daisies, an buttercup
or an gurgling brooks. Somebody's bee
s. stufin' youF That young man wi
" " not visit the country soon again.
Jf