Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-04-14
POstOllice Rulings.

peIieCltu ny Wuicu lcIttIS WltnOuI
postage will be Immediately for
warded-to the dead letter Office.
A pair of onions will go for two
scents.
Parties are compelled to lick
their own postage stamps and en-
velopes the postmaster cannot be
compelled to do this.
Nitro-glycerine and dynamite
must be forwarded at risk of send
er. If they should blow up in the
postmaster's hands he cannot be
held responsible.
When letters are received bear
ing no direction, the parties for
whom they are intended will please
signify the fact to the postmaster,
that he may at once forward.
A stamp of the foot is not sufli-
cient to carry letter.
Spring chickens that are old
enough to vote, when sent by mail,
should he enclosed in iron-bound
boxes to save their tender bodies
from injury.
1t is unsafe to mail apple or
fruit trees with the fruit on them,
as some of the postmasters have n
weakness for such things. Bot
ties of whisky should be well cork
ed.
1t is earnestly requested that
lovers writing to their girls, will
please confne their gushing rhap-
sodies to the inside of the envel-
opes.
Ducks cannot he sent through
the mails, when alive. Their
quacking would disturb the slum-
bers of the clerks on the postal
cars. This rule, however, does not
apply to "duck" of bonnet.
When watches are sent through
the mails, if the sender will put q
notice on The outside, the post
masters will wind up and keep in
running order.
Poems on Spring and Beautiful
Snow are rigidly excluded from
the mails. This will be joyful
news TO the editors of this land.
Old maids, feather beds, and in
flated balloons are unavailable.
John Smith gets his mail from
674,279 postolfices, hence letter
directed to John Smith, United
States, will reach him.
When candy is sent through the
mails, it is earnestly requested that
both ends of the package be left
open so that the employees of the
postoffice may test its quality.
Babies can be sent as third class
matter, provided sucking bottles
aud napkins accompany them.
Eggs are not mailable unless
they are fresh; and should they
become chickens on transit, they
become the property of the post
Office department.
When you inclose a money or
der in a letter, always write full
and explicit directions in the same
letter, so that any person can draw
the money.
Alligators over ten feet in length
are not allowed to be transmitted
by mail.
Young ladies who desire to send
their Saratoga trunks by mail to
watering places during the coming
season, should notify the Postmas-
ter-General at once. They must
not be over seven feet long by
thirteen feet high.
Garlic, onions, assafeedita, gum
camphor, switzer, limbereer. and
sapsago sent through the mails,
should be left open at the ends.
Butter and lard are mailable on
" in the summer months. Wrap
them in fold of tissue paper open
at both ends, the butter must have
ell the hair combed out of 1t.
When you enclose money 10 any
of the parties on the official list OF
frauds, please say little p rayer.
Letter carriers are required to
have penetration enough to know
when letters should be delivered to
Jealous wives, hence, IL he delivers
a letter from your girl TO your
wife. YOU can have him discharged.
The placing of stamps upside
down on letters, Is prohibited
Several postmasters have recently
been seriously injured while try
ing to stand on their heads to can
eel stamps placed in this manner.