davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Jno. II. Lowe was shot and killed
by some unknown party while at a
candidates meeting.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Oar campaign Alphabet has been
going the rounds Ofthe papers.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Senator Beck is going 10 Indiana to
take the stump.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10
FEMALE SEMINARY,
KY

GEUKGETOWN, KY,
Quarter of a Century In Existence.
Recognized as one Of the hest Institutions for
educating young ladies. Full course. Thorough
education. calthiest part Of the State Fail term
begins September 9th, 1850. For catalogue and
full information. address -
]. ]. RUCKER, Principal, Georgetown. XIV.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Hayes compiimented Hancock &
letter of acceptance.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Why didn't DR.. Tanner wait ill
winter to try his fasting experiment.
The days are shorter in winter.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

The following notices of Judge
Grace and Mr.. Garnett are clipped
from the Courier-Jourlal of the 4th
inst.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-08-10

Alex Henderson says he'll Bette
Gaines more than hundred pounds
il he can stay couple of weeks.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
An independent Barber.

Lord Augustus LOTUS is now tho ruler
of the Queens colonists in New South
Wales. Lord LOTUS, whose name
would seem to harmonic with his tenn
per, sent for a barber the other day to
come to the Government House in the
morning and shave his lordship. The
barber came in cab and was detained
in the outer rooms until he sent word
that he could stay no longer He was
then admitted and performed the SER
vice, for which he charged his lordship
more than dollar. He complained at
the price as outrageous and was an
swered that q ga hanson cab had
been waiting outside for an hour So
he was paid, but next day being sent
for said, $ [ can't CO., The messen-
ger could hardly believe his cars and
repeated his message, to which he got
carried back the insolent minion's reply.
One OF Lord Lotus sons was sent to
the saucy varlet to c]eave the rascal to
the chin; but he confined his cleaving
70 the chin, when the insolent knave
told him II won't CO." The young man
said this was an insult to Her Majesty
and that he must take down tho royal
arms from off his door. To which the
basin born barber replied that the Duke
of Edinburgh had given him permission
to put up the arms and that he would
see Lord LOTUS in lowlier, not to say
hotter, place than New South Wales
in January before he would either take
down his arms or 60 on his knees at the
bidding Of the whole British pcerage.-
Detrsn Free Press.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
Thieves in London.

Considering what temptations arc
placed in their way, it is not wonderful
that the larccnous experts of the light
fingers and the himble foot flourish in
this huge metropolis. A day or two
since was recorded a very neat case of
theft, of which a suburban tradesman
was the unwilling victim. One of his
light carts was out delivering goods
and taking orders, and in the course of
its circuit came to stop in Maida-vaia.
There the man in charge left it and
went into the customers house in regu-
lar course. Unfortunately the road was
"up;'' steam roller was putting and
snorting by leisurcly stages over the
crushed macadam, and, to keep his
horse safe, the judicious butter man
lad left the animal few yards further
off from the house than its usual posi-
ton. When he returned from brief
interview with "cook," the horse and
cart had disappeared into the infinities,
and with them about forty pounds of
butter: large assortment of sausages
and various baskets of eggs. The police
were put on the alert and in q few
hours the horse and cart were discov-
cred about mile off, the thieves having
carried away all the contents except tho
eggs; which obviously owed their i'm
munity to the fact that they would not
survive intact hasty flight, while they
might leave. awkwardly tell-tale evil
dence of the road they took-Lonelo's
YeLe0ynDh
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
WaLtod...A Reversible Fat Man.

There should be a law in this country
to keep fat men out in the woods during
the summer. If it wasn't for fat men
on the streets, on the cars, in halls and
other public places, lean folks would
never feel the heat half as much as they
do. They are unabridged thermometers.
They are the annoyance of every group
and crowd. Let two lean men make up
to 60 fishing and along comes fat man
with his face us red as beet, the sweat
trickling drown his back and his collar
looking like wilted cabbage leaf, and
he begins to tell how Internal hot it is
and what danger there is of sunstroke,
and how he wishes he was an iceberg,
and in two minutes he knocks the fish
ing business in the head.
One fat man at a church festival will
do more injury than a thunder storm.
In the first place he tries to discourage
the committee from holding the festival.
When he can't do that he goes and tries
to shut out all the air by standing in
the door. If people stand that he goes
putting and blowing around and says he
is fifty-seven years old and never saw
such hot evening before. He warns
the children that strawberries will sour
on the stomach, tells the ladies that ice
cream is the foundation of consump-
ton, and gives out that he has had two
sons die from the effects of drinking
lemonade on hot evening. Perspiring
though he is, he casts a cold wave over
the gathering and manages to leave
four gallons of ice cream on the COM
mittee's hands.
1t is on tho street car that the fat
mans influence is most apparent.
Everybody in the Car is all right until
he comes in. He drops down with an
awful grunt, begins to mop his old bald
head and growl and in two minutes he
starts the perspiration all around. He
takes up three seats, works his elbows
into other peoples ribs and is indignant
at anybody who has to climb over him
to reach the fare-box. He won't be
thankful for anything that is, and he
won't cease growing at anything that
isn't. He deliberately lies about how
his thermometer stood when he left
home and if he doesn't start headache
he predicts hotter weather for to-mor-
row. He gets up with a grunt, steps
on everybody between himself and the
door, and detains the car az long as
possible before he finally drops to the
earth, as if he meant to bring up in
China.
What is wanted in this country is
reversible fat mana chap who can be
opened out like an umbrella in January
and closed up like telescope in July.
When the thermometer is at zero, ia.
man will 60 in FOR all public improve
menta. sign any petition, attend any
convention and argue any question.
When the thermometer shows eighty
four degrees in the shade he is Obsti-
nate, mulish, bigotcd and nuisance,
which ought to be promptly suppressed.
Detroit Free Press.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
PUNNENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A matter of caws is . thing to crow
over.-Boston Transcript.
-"In measles, as in elopcments, :"
casually remarks the Lockport Union,
"everybody wants to see the rash pro-
ceeding."
1t is said that there are now 200, 600
Christians in China. If they are real
Christians, China compares favorably
with this cOuntry.-N. o. Pic0yune.
Tho census cnumcrator gets two
cents for every person he captures.
Some persons are not worth that much,
but no enumeration has had the honesty
to return the change. Philadelphia
Chronicle.
There was young lady named Nancy,
Who for bric-a-brac had such fancy
That family jar
'Twxt her ma aud her pa
Delighted the soul Of Miss Nancy
--iScrib,.erx Bric-u- Brnc.
After all some of the old proverbs
are pretty correct. 1t is "b4Lter TO
make hay while the SUN Shines" 1t
would be very awkward going out after
dark and trying to hold lantern and
swing a scythe.-Eoston Post.
"A traveller was badly hurt in rail-
road accident-two ribs broken and
other injuries. lie went to the Office of
the company to complain. "What"
cried the Office clerk, 'you want to
make a row about 80 small matter?
Not month ago twelve of our passen-
gers were killed and we didn't even
hear q word of complaint from any of
them''-Puck.
"A gang of burglars were burg'ing
at Long Island the other day, and they
stole a set of Applcton's Cyclopedia.
This shows that there is a commenda-
bic thirst for knowledge among this
class of night workers that has hitherto
been unsupported. No doubt these
cracksmen came from Boston. When
an enterprising burglar isn't burgling
he likes tolie a basking in the sun, with
the Cyclopedia volumes him encircling,
to read the books all over, one by one.
detroit Free Press.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29

Grandmother likely to = heard II
twas So" said Spriggins.
II should Judge Co." said 1.
Well, that's settled, theu," said he.
''Know her dentiste''
Sc Yes; think I've met her at G.'s,"
said L.
Tho next day saw him coming ont
of G.'s, and what he said to me this
time was:
CHOW look here; Perkins. If you
should hear anything curious about
landlady's past life, you tell me. Some
thing depends on it,
Its not likely; but if do I'll men,
ton it, said I. And my curiosity be-
ing excited, 1 asked my female rela-
tons so many questions about Mrs.
Copper that they soon began to accuse
me of having fallen in love with her.
However, in the end made discovery.
AS soon as | heard what I am about to
tell you, l fancied that l had clew to
Spriggins' conduct; that his suspicious
rested not on Mrs. Copper but on some
of her boarders. Some young man who
had been robbing his employer, per-
haps; for my idea that Spriggins was q
detective had now become fixed belief.
Accordingly, on returning from So
jOurn in the country, where had heard
this news, 1 sought Spriggins out.
found him in the lunch room where I
knew he usually dined, and l came be.
hind him and said:
"Spriggins, I've got something for
you at last.'
"'Bout what?" asked Spriggins, put
ting down his fork.
"Mrs. "copper"" said l.
"Um?' asked Spriggihs. "Eh?''
"Well, it may show you where the
+ land lies," said l. Zone of your board
ers has gone up where I've been on the
Sound, and she's been going on about
it. She says Mrs. Copper is in pretty
desperate position"
lowe money!" he asked turning
white.
"No," said I, "worse than that.
She's engaged to one of her boarders.
Meets him round the corner and goes to
concerts with him. Lets him court her
in the back parlor. In fact, going to
be fool enough to marry him. An ugly
conceited fellow the young lady says
She can't remember his name, but he s
worthless creature, hasn't paid his
board since he came and is going to
marry woman years older than him
self for a home. l say, Spriggins, if
you can stop it do. Arrest the fellow,
if that's what you're after, save the
poor old SOUL"
Spriggins was as red now as he had
been pale before. He stood up reached
down his hat, banged it on the back of
his head where he always wore it, re-.
marked:
"Cuss your impudence," and stalked
out of the restaurant.
"He has gone crazy at last" thought I;
but the call I made on my grandmother
that evening cleared the matter up!
edward, who do you think is mar
ried?" asked grandmamma.
:'Well, tell me-" asked.
"Mrs. "copper" said grandmamma.
"She's married a gentleman named
Spriggins one of her boarders."
So that was settled, rs Spriggins
would have said. He was not a detec-
tive, he was only cndeavoring to dis.
cover his chances Of happiness with his
future wife. Naturally we have never
spoken to each other since. Kyl<
Dallas, IN N. Y. Ledger.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
Feeding the Dcad...A Chinese Ccremo.
NAL.

A Chinaman was buried ut Philadel-
phia in 1875, and four times year his
surviving countrymen there visit his
grave to feed the dead.' A recent
visit of this kind is thus described: Tho
first preliminary was the removal of all
Mclean" clothing. As they had come
enwrapped in the flowing blue drilling
gown and trousers and the cloth-soled
shoes worn by all good Cinnamon, tho
only article necessary to dispense with
was the hat. They then uncoiled their
long pig-tails and carried their we'll
filled provision hamper to the grave.
Ceremony number one consisted of
sort of invocation. In perfect time and
drill the mourners lifted their arms
from their sides to horizontal posi-
ton, then above their heads, when
they clapped their hands and uttered
high-keyed grunt. This was done sew
eral times. The chief priest then pro-
duced package of sheets of tissue pa
per, about three inches square, each of
which bore inscriptions in Chinese char
acters. These were supposed to repre-
sent each sin committed against one
OF the many deities of the Buddhist
| A%AClAs AMY NCAC uCu, OIlC Nv OuCs
each of the celebrants taking turn in
lighting them. When the last had been
burned another inroad was made upon
the hamper and a chicken entire, except
as to its feathers. was brought out; also
four cups and saucers and as many
plates, all of which were laid on pa
per tablecloth placed on the grass. A
knife similar in shape to those used by
shoemakers speedily dissccted the fowl,
and fragment was placed on each
plate. The cups were filled out of a
large wicker bottle which contained
something like tea. Oranges were also
produced, and tho three living China
men went solemnly through the form
of eating, the ghost presumably keep
ing them COMPANY. The living BAN
queters speedily emptied their cups and
disposed of the oranges. Seemingly
awakened to the fact that their inviisii-
BILE guest was not getting through with
his share as rapidly, they poured tho
tea from his cup and what remained in
the bottle on the foot of the grave. A
bottle of saki, the Chinese whisky, was
also poured out, none of the living feast
ers partaking of the liquor. Half Q
dozen singular-looking little tapers,
mounted on bamboo sticks, were then
stuck in the swelling turf of the grave
and lighted. These had two proper
ties, smoke and smell. A west wind
drove both into the faces of the specta-
tors in such volume that they beat q
| hastry retreat, and those who witnessed
the last rite were fortunate enough to
have found places outside the line Of tho
breeze. In the midst of the smoke and
stencil the faithful CelestiaIs went
through their last posturing, similar to
that of the invocation This 1Ione they
packed up the remains of their banquet
and the dishes, and, leaving the tapers
still burning on the grave, they quilted
the cemetcrv
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
Progress In Telephones.

The Scientific american describes
some experiments it has been making
with telephones. One of these was to
place two of the we'll known Blake
transmitters near Mr.. Beecher' church,
Brooklyn. Connecting wires ramilied
from this point in all directions as
far as Yonkers and Elizabeth, and
large number of telephones were placed
in circuit. On Sunday, April Is, the
second trial, the result was strikingly
successful. From the opening note of
the organ prelude to the last word of the
preachers voice at the close of the serv-
ice, everything was delivered to the ears
of the listening telephones in the most
perfect manner, the tones that came
over the wires being so full, round, clear
and distinct, it almost seemed to the
hearers in New York, Yonkers and Eliz-
abeth as if they were stationed within
the church itself, directly in front of
the speaker. The delivery of music
was equally perfect, every note of the
organ and of the individuals of the choir
being fully brought out.
In consequence of the successful result
of these experiments, says the Scientific
american, several new improvements
have been suggested for trial, and there
seems to be every probability that in a
short time some new and very effective
instruments will be in use, by which all
who desire may carry the sounds of
church service into their dwellings, aud
may also enjoy the best lectures, mr.
steal and other entertainments with the
utmost satisfaction in their homes.
Heretofore, in listening to the telephone,
it has required effort and strain of the
ear on the part of the listener. But this
experiment shows that all sounds may
be delivered in full and easy tones, read
lily heard, with all the natural charac-
teristics, mOdulatiOns and infections OF
the human voice.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
The Father Of FOrty.twO Children.

John Hepner is g; noted citizen of
Reading, P&.-not particularly in his
own personality, but on account of
forty-two children, living and dead, who
called him father. He is a lucky family
man. He was born in Germany in 1915.
married in 1910; his wife lived eight
years, and left him with seventeen chill
dren, the Oldest two being only seven
years old. The flock were taken in
charge by young lady acquaintance of
the first wife, and she became Mrs.
Hepner, and increased the family just
one year after the first Mrs. Hepner's
death. In nine years she died, tho
mother of fifteen children. Mr.. Hepner
immigrated to this country in 1854. His
second wife died in 1857. In 1853 he
married widow with one child, and
gave an increase of nine little Hepners
in ten years. The couple are still living
in Reading, and for the last twelve
years their domestic life has been ono
of quiet and freedom from fresh squalls.
John Hepner's luck in marriage was UNI
commonly good, and few men have
made better family record than he.-
EICIs07aQe.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
WHOLE NUMBER LA.

Rochester at Palmyra, ana askeu the
bage age-master to keep one of her
trunks for q fortnight. He told her
that if she would surrender her check
to him she might leave the trunk in tho
baggage-room and it would be perfectly
safe. She gave him the check and de-
parted. In u fortnight she came for her
trunk but it was gone; another woman,
who had in some way learned the cir
cumstances, had come and claimed the
trunk, and it had been given to her up
on the supposition that she was tho
owner. In truth she was thief There
was long lawsuit. The lady passenger
won in the end, but it was after a great
deal of delay. trouble and expense
Be'yan.ia Vaughan abbott. in Christian
Union. -
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
THAT gRUafBLLNG OLD OW1MAN:

There was an old woman, and-what do you
She o 1iTSd upon nothing but viotual' aud
But though pug 9, y1ctuas ana drink were the chief
Yet this grumblng old woman never was
-Mother Goose.
And q sheep whose fine wool furnished blank
A COW that supplied her with butter and cheese,
A large flock of geese, and hive full Of bees.
Yet she grumbled and grumbled from morn
For this y; foolish old woman thought nothing
went right; ta~s...
Fen the days Of the week wero all wrong, for
She always declared that she wished IT was
If oloudlcss and fair was tho long summer day,
And the sun smiled down on the new-mown
"Thcre's a drought" she said, ~ az sure as
you're born!
If it don't rain soon, 1t will ruin the cornv
But when descended the gentle rain,
Blessing the bountiful fields of grain,
And bringing new life to flower and bud,
She said there was coming second flood.
She never gave az 1T to the needy and poor;
The outcast and hungry she turned from her
shall work." she said, with wae of tho
ITO provide for tho idle and lazy their brcad?'
But the rich she regarded with envy and spite:
She sal, said twas q shamo-'twasn't decent nor
That the naughty old Squire, with his bow
Should ride sS with two horses, while she rode
with one.
And the grabbed old fellow-to spite her, no
doubt
Had built new barn, like q palace through
out,
With cupola on it, as grand as you please,
And a rooster that Whirlcd head and tail with
the breeze.
Sc wish, so d." she said, cooking her eye,
"Thered come great whirlwind, and blow it
And cen as she spoke, loud rushing was
heard,
And the barn to its very foundation was stirred.
It stood the shock bravely, but-pitiful sight,
The wind took the old woman up like q kite!
AS she sailed up aloft over forest and bill,
Her tongue, SO they say, it kept wagging Oh
still.
And where she alightcd, no mortal doth know;
Or whether she ever alighted below.
MORAL.
My moral, my dears, you will find If you try,
And If you don't find any, neither can /.
Ruth Chesterfield. In Youths Companion.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29

A LITTLE girl looking out Of tho win.
dow, the other day, saw hearse 60 past,
and cried out, 'sLook, mamma; here
does the sky 'bus.''
Mill property In Switzerland has
rapidly deprecated in value. Three cot
ton mills were built a few years ago at
a cost Of S320.00O. In 1875, when tho
firm failed, the property was valued at
s25O,00G. A few months since it was ac-
quired by the Bernc Bank of Commerce,
that had made advances upon it, for
$3.50, 900. The mills are now third
time advertised for sale at370,O coo, with
poor prospect Of . buyer.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-29
Miss T. Westphal

Keeps on hand a large and we'll
sorted stock of MILLINERY, FANCY
GOODS and ZEPHYR WOOL, opposite
the Union Hotel, between Second
and Third North streets.
NEW ULM, MINI.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-10-01

The river was still rising last night with
2 feet 10 inches on the gauge.
The Science was SO delayed by the low
water that she did not arrive until a late
hour yesterday, and departed on her re
turn to Matamoras at 5 P. NJ.
The Strecker was due up last night, anC
Il che arrived on time will depart fol
Parkersburg at 1880 Am
The Welcome got away for Marietta yes
terday.
The little Clara has complete monopoly
Of the local towing business at the present
stage Of the river.
Boats are tied up all along the river, ant
in many instances are Improving their va
cation in repairs, painting and fixing up
generally.
The following items oflocal interest are
from yesterdays Enquirer:
The clipper Phaeton arrived last even
ing, and will enter the Chic trade during
low water. She leaves at 3P. NJ. daily
Captain Dillon commands.
The W. n. Chancellor arrived form
Pomeroy last evening with good trip
She will leave on return trip this evening
for Huntington and all way landings
Captain e. P. Chancellor commands, and
Ira Huntington and John Bookhears have
charge OF the Office.
The Andes leaves for Maysvllle and
Portsmouth at Il NJ. Captain E. B. Moo
commands and Duval Young presides il
the Office, assisted by Cliff Walker.
NEw ORLEANS, September S0.-No arri
walls. Departed: Chas. P. Chateau, Mem
phis; Iron Mountain and barges, St
Louis. Weather clear and pleasant.
Thermometer "a.
PITTSBURGH, September so.-River 8 feel
II inches and stationary. Weather clear
LOUISVILLE, Ky, September 30-Rivel
falling with 8 feet 2 inches in the cana
and IA inches in the chute on the falls
Business dull. Weather clear and cold
Departed: Fashion, Evansville to Cincin
natii Geo. Matbeson and tow, Kanawh
river to Kanawha river. Arrived; @. W,
Anderson and Virgil. Lee Is overdue.