The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-05-21
HUMOROUS.
A DEALER in cheap boots says his
goods cannot be under soled.
He kissed her pretty, rosy cheek.

And when he'd finished up the biz,
He found he had transferred some paint
From her sweet cOuntenance to mis-.
The man who has the worst things
to say about newspapers is the man
who pays his subscription only when
he has to do it.-Steu6enuille Rerald.
The new spring listers are a cross
between pale green and dirty gray,
have large number of buttons on the
back and tit like a night shirt.-New
Haven Register.
The woman who is exceedingly sweet
to ones face and is very bitter behind
ones back may be said to bear false
sweetness against her neighbor. =
Troy Budget.
BLOGGS wants to be assured, before
he votes fo- female School Board, that
the members won't all jump on their
desks if mouse trots across the carpet.
Cincinnati Commercial.
LOVE never enters into Chinese sto-
ries. The hero is always chap who
made his ducats in America by laun-
dry work, and the heroine is girl who
wants revenge on him because ne killed
her cat. GH
STATISTICS prove that a man who is
knocked about in the world lives longer
than one whose life is one of ease and
comfort, and it is somewhat singular
that they also prove that married men
live longer than unmarried men,
Graphic.
The average young lady of the pc
Rod will pierce her ears, bang her hair
and pinch up her waist until she re-
sembles an attenuated wasp, yet if
asked to wash the dishes or sweep out
a room she will reply that she cannot
possibly stand such violent and tortur-
ing exercise. Waterloo Observer.
A POOR fellow up town fairly danced
with Joy when the doctor told him he
had Bright's disease. "What will the
Smith girl say now?" he exclaimed,
triumphantly. "She always said there
was nothing bright about me! O, l
guess not; but the doctors certificate
will show what sort of hair-pin 1 am"
IN. o. Picayune.
A CLASS of little "primary'' children
were busily engaged in their reading
lessons. They read in order. something
like the following: 1.-The hat is in the
box "The man is in the box.'
1.-The rat is in the box.'' "The cat is
in the box" When all at once up came
a chubby little hand, the signal for per-
mission to speak. "Well, what is it,
Mattie?'' said the teacher. 81 should
fink e box 'ood be full after while.''
The serio-comic ideas that enter the
head of Sambo, when exercised on re-
igious matters, causing anxiety per-
haps to himself but laughter to the
listener, were exempliied in the case of
an "uncle' in Chester, s. c., who had
been to a camp-meeting, and returned.
greatly troubled about his sins. Per-
ceiving him one day with downcast
look, his master asked him the cause.
"Oh, Massa, I'm such a great sinnerr'
But, Pete, you are foolish to take it so
much to heart. You never see me
troubled about my SINS" Il know de
reason, Massa: when you go out duck
shooting, and kill one duck and wound
another, don't you run after de wound
ed duck?" Eyes, Pete" And the
master wondered what was coming
next. "Well, Massa. dat is de way
wild you and me: de debbil has got you
sure; but, as he's not sure of me, he
chases dis chile all de timer