Delaware state journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1870-1883, 1880-07-29

oalescence-Petroleum
The froth OF July-lager beer.
Mosquitoes lead hum drum life.
Tanner is making the fastest time on
record.
Always cut off in its prime--Au interest
coupon.
Az a rule the homeliest girls at vassar
catch the most fish.
The cooks at Wellesley College are men;
the professors are women.
The deaf mute teacher is always ready
to make few off-hand remarks.
Doctors cheer up! The peach crop Is
not II failure.-Neo York WorM.
The Baltimore thermometers have been
singing Ninety and Nine" in the shade.
Is it evidence of low taste when
man gets on his knees to drink from
brook?
DIR. Tanner will ruin his health. He
persists in walking about on an empty
stomach.
An unhappy marriage is like an electric
machine-it makes one dance, but you
can let go.
A town in Oregon is named "Looking
Glass" and lots of woman are going there.
It's place they like to see themselves in.
Sunday school scholar -"Did you say
the hairs of my head were numbered ?"
Tescher-"Yes, dear" Scholar-"Well,
then, (pulling out q hair and presenting
it), what's the number of that one ?"
Crowds of excursionists go up nightly
by the railway to see Vesuvius illuminated
by electric light. The traffic at night Is
greater than in the daytime, and there are
not enough cars to meet the demand.
Seven Leavenworth doctors gathered
around man who fell on the walk. Four
called it case of sunstroke, and the other
three said it was fit. Along came a
small boy and proved that it WAS banana
peel.
Yes, there are issues enough; but it is
so much easier to lie about a man than to
discuss his principles s--NeD York Irt-
6une. What the Tribune don't know on
that subject isn't worth telling. .-BJston
Post
Excited Bates man during game be-
tween Bates and Bowdoin in)-'Ob! dang |!
llb hhu ou&ut |" Wtht. IOuuk Id
that Bates student2" Bowdoin mar
'No, miss, that is their professor in
rhetoric"
A Brooklyn man is so bow-leggod that a
| dog which tried TO run between his legs
came out on the same side of the man that
he started in on, and then when the man
went to kick the animal, he hit man on
the other side of him.
Wife beating is one of the cheapest
luxuries in England. A brutal fellow in
Exeter, who severely thrashed his wife
with bellows, because she had not got
his breakfast ready, was recently sentenced
to pay fine of five shillings.
A Minnesota man received bogus tele.
gram to the effect that he had drawn
$4,000 In lottery and had spent over
1913 for liquor in celebration of the event
before he happened to think that II
couldn't be,as he hadn't bought any ticke,
in that lottery.
"Mine poy Hans" said Smigglefriz te
a friend, ''is the piggesht pig der vas in
Galveston" 'What did he do ?" "Vell
sends him the odder day to the groshery
to pring me rucket of peer for mineseli
all alone, and, py shiminy he drinks him
self almost pint on de way home"
An Illinois jury in murder case, being
divided in opinion, played game o.
"high.low" to see whether the prisonel
should be let off or not and the man wa
convicted, but his lawyer got new tria
granted, worked ia three sharps from
Chicago on the jury, and the next time tht
man was triumphantly acquitted.
Clubite A was tellinga story in the club
Clubite B, when it was finished, said
"Well, that reminds me of another anec
dote," and he related it. A thereupon rt
marked, 81 don't see how what you hav,
told us was recalled by my story" II
was," replied B,''because mine was on tn,
same page of Joe Miller as yours"
Into the tunnel whizzed the train.
Two minutes dark, then light again
And the young couple looked to me
| AS innocent us they could be.
Over their books they seemed to pore
As earnest as they were before,
Sober, and diligent, and sad,
| As IL twas all they thought they had
| But she-was pinker thnn rose;
Anu he-Hpite OF his solemn puse-
Had some courl-plaster on his nose.
Snooks WIS hard cnse but he took
turn about and joined the church, expect
ing great spiritual regeneration from tn,
| MT. WA hhl uc Whd
shop in a deep study and solilquizips
S0tO g0ce yet no loud as to be overheard b,
his workmen. II haint experienced an,
conversion. l don't see any difference.
don't feel any change, and - it, l dom
believe there is any,"
| The sun was shining ierCcly hot
AIl hour or two before II sOt. 4
When donning his outrageous hat
| AItrrn II t,I,. NlI,., .ns
ln front of the parental hut
| This gentle. fairy creature snt.
| All mindless of the burning heat
She aXed him II he'd takea seat
Aud though the portico was hct
| lie gathered up his coat aud SET
lint all to once't II kind of hit
His fancy, that lie wouldn't sit.
Aud, rising, east look of hate
Upon the spot where he had safe.
Then drawing up her qucenly hight
Fair Malcl seemed 10 grasp the sight.
And ever after with hoOi.
She spnrlud mis- penilcntial suit.
Recorder You have been drunk again
What's your excuse now? Your Honor
was only celebrating the gr,at natal da,
of American independence Yes. bu
yesterday was the 1lth. not the 4th." g
know it, but did not have capital enougl
on the 4th to celebrate the day iu name
worthy of the great city of Galveston, tn
queen city of the gulf, the gem of the sea
the -the-great cotton mart of the South
so got tight yesterday instead" Recorde
(whose local pride is touched )-The cas-
) is dismissed. We must all do what littl
we can to help Galveston along.
ton Neus.
THE HARBoR,
mol brave little boat,
In the hnrbor aloat,
Spread ont your white wings TO the sunshin
weather
The wind we love best
Blows out of the west,
, Wen sail DER the bonny blue water together.
Like Jewels of light,
} The spray flashes bright;
The waves to the sweet summer breezes al
, calling,
Glide on till the day
3 Dies softly away,
, And fold your white wings when the twilight
I | = falling.
, A notorious desperate, for whose oar
ture five hundred dollars had been offered
i was caught in Oregon by two constable,
q They had to convey him a hundred mile
a in wagon, and, knowing his recklei
1 character, they tied him to the seat. o
h the way he tried several devses to escap,
but in vain, until he hit upon the despel
Il ate one Of firing keg of powder that We
4 in the vehicle. This he did by covert
. throwing lighted match into it. q
/ orouched as low as possible, and shielde
b his face so that he was not seriously il
jured. One of the constables was kille,
and the other burned so badly that