Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-01-23
PEOPLE AND THINGS.


go on so. Be man and keep sober, and
you may make your mark" Dissolute
son" Can (hic) do MORN that now-can
write my name"
The historian Bancroft has been forced
to abandon his accustomed winter horse
back exercise, and he is finishing the last
volume of his history, which ends with
the adoption of the Constitution. His
wife, daughter and two grandchildren are
with him in Washington.
Find a man whose heart bleeds for old
ireland, and you will find man who is
trying to " bleed" the friends of that dis
tracted country. More pocketbooks than
hearts bleed" for Ireland's woes, but her
sutferings go on just the same The money
don't Ego on, however. = [Norristown
Herald.
Il do not fear DEATH, said the good
man, who had been given over by the ply
sicians; Il do not fear death, but think
heaven might have arranged matters a
little differently. | would prefer for my
part to have my soul committed to the
dust and my body immortal" So say We,
all of us.
81 ordered dozen oysters" said the
blonde young man with the helmet hat,
land here are only eleven. Will you
kindly elucidate ~ Sc will, replied the
obliging restaurateur. "There is a certain
superstition prevalent in good society
against thirteen at table and so-you see
-eh?"-[Puck.
Cardinal Nina, Papal Secretary of State,
is accused of 60 nsinr ono 1a off;cialIv
to the Belgian Ministry and another pri-
vately to the Bishops" Such, for instance,
as with due consideration, distinguished
sir, remain your most humble, obedient
servant, in the one case, and "the dirty
Dutch heretics in the other
The young lady who has sprung into
sudden fame as the author of San Earnest
Trifer" has taken the place of the author
of " Kismet " in popular favor. She is
young, pretty, modest and country bred.
At the recent Holmes breakfast she was
one os the lions, but she did not seem to
know it, and devoted her time to observa-
ton. IN. Y. Herald.
81 say, old fellow, that tailor you
recommended me is scamp. 1 sent
him my overcoat to repair, and what do
you think the rascal has done with it :?
Why, pawned it Yes, but that ena-
bled him to get mine out of pawn-thats
why | recommended him to you. Now
you recommend him to some other fellow,
and you will get yours back"
Caller to Postmaster" want to send
fifty francs to my son how muchll it
COST" Postmaster" Ten sous" Caller
There you are" (gives him ten sous
Postmaster" Hi, there but where's the
fifty francs? ?" Caller" What ! have l
got to give you the fifty francs, too? l
don't see what saving there is in this money
order business"
Waiter running after guest =" Hi,
there! Sir, l say !" Guest -"Well,
what's the matter? Isn't the bill
settled?" Waiter "Yes, sir; but
you've got the spoons in your pocket"
Guest-'.You are right; here they are. You
see (blandly) my little girl, who is sick and
has no appetite, told me to be sure and
bring her something from the restaurant !"
A gentleman goes to an armorer's and
asks for revolver. Here's real nice
family weapon, says the clerk. " Family
weapon :" :" Yes, family weapon-just the
thing for domestic tragedies six-shooter,
you see, sir-two bullets for your wife, two
for the destroyer of your happiness, and
two for yourself. All the 60, sir. Sell
hundreds of 'em for bridal presents, sir.
A young lady visits her milliner to order
new hat, and the artist shows her some
startling and attractive combinations, none
Of which, however, suit the lady, who
says: 81 want something more simple
than that something in better taste"
Milliner with a naughty sneer)-" 0h,
you want something to wear when you are
out walking with your husband. Here,
Jane Ito youngest apprentice) show this
person something cheap and virtuous."
A very different matter Southern Lord
Staying at Highland CASTLE "Thank you
so much I-ah-weally enjoy your music;
think OF having piper at myown place "
Sandy, the piper An fat kin O. piper
would your lordship be needin'?" South
ern Lord" Oh, certainly good piper like
yourself, Sandy" Sandy (snlffing) -'Och
Infect Ye might easily fin lord like
your lordship, but it's nae sac easy to fin
piper like me whatever. y Punch.
A singer of rare excellence presented
himself before the jury once upon time.
His voice was admirable, but not more ad-
mirable than his method. Unhappily the
young artist was grotesquely, hideously
deformed. The artist jurors glanced at
each other, and instantly decided. not to
award prize to such montrosity.
Let me break the news to him."
said Cherubini, kindly; "Tll let him un-
derstand gently-sugar the pill for him."
So the young artist was sent to Cherubinis
room. To him Cherubini "My dear
friend, what voice you have Splendid
magnificent! All the jury say they never
heard anything like it in their lives !;
they're wild with enthusiasm" The young
artists heart swells with pride. "Only,"
says Cherubini, "they can't give you
prize, you understanding are not run
ming a monkey show?''
1t was at the Postoffice in this village.
The demoiselle was buxom, bashful, aged
Is, and hailed from Berrytown. She
wanted dollars worth of stamps. Zone
dollars worth, repeated the smiling as
sistant "of what denomination p The
damsel showed signs of embarrassment,
and hesitated to reply. She twirled her
shawl-fringe nervously, cast her eyes about
to see if any one was near, moved little
closer to the window, and finally asked in
timid voice, "Do you hef to write it
DOWN. "By no MEANS" answered the
courteous assistant; THAT is not neces-
sary; but presume you have some prefer
ence as to the denomination. "Ah-
well-yes, " replied the stranger, her face
turning scarlet, 81 hef some. I generally
go to the 'Piscopal Methodist myself, but
the fellow I'm buying the stamps for he's
Universal Orthodox. . Ithaca Journal.