The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1880-11-17
Spoopendyke's Suspenders.

Spoopendyke's Suspenders.
" Now, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, as he stretched himself and drew
on his pantaloons, you've cleaned these
trowsers up first rate This is what
call economy. 1t saves money. If I'd
taken EN- to the tailor's it would have
cost couple of dollars at least, and
you've saved just that amount, and Mr..
Spoopendyke went to his additions and
then pulled on his shirt.
I'll clean your coat, too, if you like"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke. leave it at
home some day and I'll take this spot
out of the sleeve" and Mrs Spoopendyke
hustled around and looked delighted
with the idea of pleasing her husband.
:, Where's my suspenders?" asked Mr..
Spoopendyke, screwing himself around
and looking down his back "You didn't
clean the suspenders clear out of sight,
did you ?"
They were there when you put on
your pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
g haven't touched them. What did
you do with them?"
with them ! What dye 'spose did with
them? Think [ set EN- up in business
somewhere, don't ye? Got an idea gave
EN- vacation to go fishing, haven't ye :?
Well didn't, and more n that 1 didn't
send EN- away to be educated for the
ministry. Where's my suspenders p
Where'd you put EN-? 'Spose I'm
going around holding these pants up
all day? Think I got no business in
terests besides holding on my breaches
with both hands? What'd you do with
the measly things?"
L know I didn't take them off the
pants, said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things around in vain endeavor to find
the missing articles.
Maybe L can fix your pants so you
won't need any suspenders to-day, and
III find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's it. You've got it, raved Mr..
Spoopendyke. "How are you going to
fix EN-? Going to tie them on with a
shoe-string, like you do your hustle?
Going to walk around behind me all day
and hold EN- on? P'raps you can pull
EN- up and button EN- around my neck !
How dye propose to fix EN-? Going to
put EN- on me upside down so if they
fall they'll fall up? If 1 had your head
I'd go out to service as a file. Fix EN-,
why don't ye? Why don't ye fix EN-?
These trowsers are getting sick at the
stomach waiting to be fixed |" and Mr..
Spoopendyke shot across the room and
dived uuder the wardrobe in search of
the lost suspenders.
"They must be there somewhere
"Show EN- to me them demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "take stick and
point EN- out to mel Of course they've
here somewhere, only Just put your
thumb on EN- What have We done
with EN-? Cant ye recollect whether
ye made 'em up into hat bands for the
heather like you did my dressing-gown,
or whether you planted them to see if
they would grow, like you did my straw
hat? Think they walked off like GRO
ton bug? S'pose those suspenders have
taken their girl to picnic? What kind
of housekeeping dye call this, anyhow {?
Where's my suspenders?" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke, poking around in the soiled
clothes bag. Where's those suspend
ers?" and he pulled the books off the
shelf and rummaged around behind the
case with broom-handle for divining
rod
"Just let me buckle them tight be-
hind" said Mrs. spOOpendyke: "the
strap will hold them"
"That's the schemel" shrieked Mr..
Spoopendyke; " something's got to hold
them If was as sharp as you I'd get
rich hiring out for an oyster-knife. All
you want is to have somebody sit cross
legged on you and come home two
weeks after you're expected to be a
tailor-shop Going to find those sus-
penders between now and the next warl"
II know they were on his pants when
he put them on, unused Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, entering upon little inductive
reasoning. "He didn't take them off
and so they must be there now, and the
good woman approached her husband
with smile.
ooh now they're going to be fixed, ="
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, with horrible
grin. "P'raps you're going to cut but
ton-holes in your hands and feet and
hang over nv shoulders. amt We 2I