The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-08-07
VARIETY.

at lie it which, though never Lost, is con-
- found A verdict.
Brown says the best way to retain a young
.>dy' affections is not to return them
Poverty wants sense, luxury many, avarice all
things.-Cawley-
When is gun barrel a little chicken? When
y is little foul.
Wanson jests makes fools laugh and wise men
Hpwn.
When q woman wants to be pretty she bangs
&r hair, and when she wants to be ugly she
bsngs the dishes
young man boasted that he had well-stored
lind, when a young lady murmured, " What q
pity we can't find out where he stored it,
The height Of pOliteness is passing round upon
the opposite side Of lady when walking with
her in order not % step upon her shadow.
Patrick having been told that DIR. Peters had
found an asterOid, remarked - Bedad. he may
have his asteriOd, but as for mesilf O prefer a
horse ter ride.
Why are two ladies kissing each other an em-
bism Of Christianity? Because they are doing
unto each other as they would that men should
should do unto them.
Wife " But. nv dear, shall catch cold COM
Ing down so late to let you in Husband OH
no my love I'll rap you up we'll before you
come down.
Will you have some strawberries ? D." asked a
hdy of a guest. - Yes, madam, eat straw
berries with enthusiasm DO tell! We
hsyen't anything but cream and sugar for 'em
Mis- evening"" said the matter-oEfaet hostess.
When a man is young he spends much time in
rerting his hair IN the middle. When he is old
and bald he wastes much time on trying TO make
Ne ends Of his sparse locks meet on the polished
novn above.
Professor Karl F. Kray, of Stephens Institute,
declares that the molecule, (the last analys of
Datter) is about One-fVe-hundredth-mi Of
nn inch wide. It is pleasant to have such a mat
q settled, 80 that when one is hungry he may
bow how many to order.
The peril Of employing highly educated young
nen as clerks was again illustrated yesterday.
Al woman stopped at n grOcers on an uptown
azPenue and asked Is them lettuce fresh y
- You mean that lettuce" suggested the clerk:
y and il is fresh" a. Then you'd better eat it "
<he snapped, as she walked on
Sunday-schooI scholar. Ito the teacher)- Ibid
rou say that the hairs Of my head were all num-
bered 3"
Teacher =. Yes, my dear
ss Sunday-schOOl scholar. - Well, then -
pulling out hair. and presenting is-'' what's
ihe number OF that one? l"
Wordsworth said Charles Lamb one
aay todd me be considered Shakespeare greatly
oyer-rated. There is immensity OF trick IN
nm Shakespeare wrote, be said, and il had
mind 90, 1 could write exactly like Shakespeare.
50 you see," proceeded Charles Lamb quietly,
q is was only the mind that was wanting
The ONLY OssE--A man from little village
uhich shall be nameless, who lost bis good
character some time ago, was severely hauled |
over the Goals by some Of bis former friends ''t
NOV IL bows | know my characters gone |
lOss entirely And, . he added, rather pOntediy, |
. isIs too confounded bad, for il was the only !
one in the place worth saving
. The gentleman who had been OF for fishing |
excursion and sent a paragraph to the local pa
rer saving that - Mr.. Jones has sent home fine /
mes Of 'speckIed beauties. " could not account
Tor the warm reception from his wife until he
read that '' Mr. Jones had been fined and sent
home for o mess with some freekied beauties
And then he went for the newspaper man with
rod
"M Nv wife tells the truth three times q day."
remarked jocoose old fellow, at the same time
casting q mischieyous glance at his better-halG.
q Before rising IN the morning she says, Oh.
dear must get up, but L don't want to-
After breakfast she adds, Well, / suppose i
uust 90 TO work, but don't want to-. And she
goes 10 bed saying, There, have been on the
move all day, - haven't done anything
Some hard-hearted parents are taking cruel
revenge on the young man who sat up so late
with Matilda last Winter They spread them
selves all over the front stoop and II he wants 70
cay any sweet things without doing it IN public
way, be is obliged to go into the back Parlor,
where there 10 no drsught. After be has stayed
there half an hour and bis collar and cuffs hang
detected and forlorn, he is very willing to give
up Matilda's society for a cool corner in the
Nearest beer saloon.
An EccESTRIc KRG's METHOD OF ENDING :
CoUKTsHIP.-A strange story is told Of King
Louis, of Bavaria certainly the most eccentric OF
monarchs, il is -e ated that he was engaged to
marry Princess y phia, now Duchess d'Alencon.
and sister Of the Emperor of Austria, but being
told that the Primo SO cared more for the crown
snan Tor him. be roke the engagement IN q
novel fashion. he ordered the court jeWeler to
make magnificent regal crown. and sent it to
the Duchess with note running thus % Dear
sophia send you the crown you eovet. bnt
am sorry cannot give you the right to wear il
~ Queen Of Bayarif -