The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-11-25
His Exact Age.

When Uncle Reuben Clay, an old dar-
kew of about seventy winters, dropped
into Detroit tobacco store, and was
asked his age, he promptly replied:
"Wall, sab, reckon Ize about as
nigh 70 vars ole as dey can make EN-"
"If you can't read, or write or cipher
how can you tell?"
"Tze kept de dates in my head, sab,
an if you'll take pencil kin prove my
age in no time tall"
One of the loungers prepared himself
with pencil and paper, and Uncle Reuben
proceeded:
"Now, sab, in what u ar did Columbus
diskiver America"
"In 1892"
"Den sot dat down"
"Why, what has the discoverer of
America to do with your age?" asked sew
eral voices.
cit makes no difunce, sab. TIE got
to git some pint to reckon from, an 1
take DAT one kase it's de handiest. Put
down 1892"
eyes"
"Now, den, when was de revolushunary
wa fit?"
"In 1776."
Exactly. Take dat from 1892 and it
leaves how manyp
"Just 284 years"
"Dat's k'rect. Now when did dey
fight de next wa?"
{" In 1924. Take that out and it
makes difference of thirty six years,
and reduces the figures to 248."
"Dat's all right, said Uncle Reuben
as he bent over the figures. "Now, den,
in what var did my great-grandfather
land in ole Virginny?"
"Why, how do know? You must
know if any one
The old man scratched his head, looked
over the figures and said:
"Dat's kinder Gurus. De ole man
comes in dar some WHARF"
All the men began to laugh at him,
and the old man got up and tied on his
comforter and said:
"You white folks needn't feel so mighty
peart kase you fink you've got an ole
nigger in a box. TIE gwine ober to see
my son George, an George he'll take n
piece O. chalk an de bottom of cheer an
begin wild de day dat Cain killed Abel
an run my aige down to dis VERY maw-
min quicker'n de smartest O you kin rub
a so heelr'-Frce Press.
EleWents Of Popularity in Texas.
1t was plain to see rs soon as he en-
tered the sanctum that he was mad
about something. Very likely his name
had been mentioned in the proceedings
of the Recorders Court in connection
with the charge of inebriation. He was
laboring under intense mental excite
| ment. It was some time before he could
control himself enough to speak.
"Lhave- -come-to-see-a about
| this Recorder r's-Court- business" he
gasped, painfully.
"It's the rule to publish the names of
all those who get drunk and are fined.
Can't make any exception in your case. +"
"That's not what I'm complaining of
want my name in the paper as having
been drunk but you got my initials
wrong. / am going to run for a city
Office, and wanted to use that issue of
the Nea0s as campaign document. 1t
| would have made me popular with the
boys, and here you go and get my name
wrong, and some ether fellow will get
credit for it."
"Well, what do you want?"
| 81 want to be indicated. want you
to come out in card stating it was me,
John Snooks, and not Isaac Snooks, as
you have it, who got drunk and smashed
o gas-lamp. want it to be understood
by the voters that Z was the man whom
six policemen took three-quarters of an
hour to take to the lookup, a distance
Of only $50 yards. I've been slandered,
and if am not put before the public in
my true light I'll bring suit for dam
ages. That's what got drunk for, was
to get my name in the paper SO people
would know I am duly qualified. >
Galveston NesOs.