Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-05-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
PRESSED for time-Mummies.
SPRING halt-May 81, midnight.
A coRN-DoDGER-The man who wears
big boots.
The electric currant goes for nothing
in jelly.
WHEN soldier is Ill he becomes a
six-shooter.
To STOP man from talking-Cut
his said of.
MANY calf will be cowhided if it
lives long enough.
You may enjoy bad cigar if you give
1t to your enemy.
In the agricultural papers we have
many fertile lies sirs.
MANY a high-minded schoolgirl dis
dams vulgar fractions.
A DEFUNeT Indian may be dangerous
because he is Lo dead.
The conductor who can keep himself
unspotted will grow rich.
A DIVORCE court conundrum: What
is the difference between husband and
wife?
You can't make horse drink; but if
he will not eat you can put bit In his
mouth.
"DUTY stares me in the face" said
the deacon when the Custom-House
officers caught him smuggling dozen
gloves.
A CIRCUS never runs too long for
spectators, but let sermon run over
forty minutes and a congregation can't
sit still.
OLD Weyrichs has glass eye, and he
thoughtfully calls the goblet he keeps
it in at night his eye's-house." The
pastor and senior deacon are going to
speak with him about it
A MAINE paper speaks of a prayer re-
Gently offered before the Legislature of
that State as "spicy and full of practi-
cal suggestions"
AN infant boy in Webster county,
KY, has six fingers on each hand.
Won't he be terror to bartenders when
he grows up.
The house-fy, if in good health,
can lay 10000 eggs in a season. The
Danbury Ne,CS thinks it pity fly
can't be grated on hen.
A FOND mother in Leadville speaks
of her late son as having been born in
Michigan but raised in Colorado. The
Vigilance Committee raised him.
ScHooLBoY with big apple. Another
boy without any: "Oh, Bill! give us a
bite, won't YEP" NO, won't" Well,
then, give me the core" Him! h'ml
I tell you there amt going to be any
core"
EVERYTHING in nature INDUCES in
amusement The lightning plays, the
wind whistles, the thunder rolls, the
snow flies, the waves leap, and the fields
smile. Even the buds shoot, and the
rivers run.
POETS are getting down to real life
and business in their soul-songs, the
last one being as follows:
Birdie is standing by the garden-gate,
Waiting for some one she loves.
Soon they'll be cooling on the front steps
Like pair of turtle doves.
Papa is waiting for the lover, too;
Glancing at his box-toed shoe.
The old man Is feeling pretty risky tonight,
And this visit the boy will rue.
THEY had their usual evening quar-
rel as they sat by the hearth. On one
side lay quietly blinking dog, and on
the other a purring cat, and the old
woman pleaded with her growing hus-
band. "Yust look at dat gat und dat
tog; dey meier gwarrels nor fights like
u.s." @Yah," said the old growler, Il
knows dot; but yust die dem togedder
one time, und den you see wotl"
ACIDS and pickles are usually the con-
tents Of the family jar.
AN exchange says: Few men die of
age" Why cali them men if their not
of age?
The first gold mine in the United
States was discovered In South Caro-
Lima in 1870.
To PRESERVE flowers In water: Mix a
little saltpetre or carbonate of soda with
water, and it will preserve them for two
weeks.
A NEW YORK farmer has been trying
to invent something to take the place of
hop-poles,s and the mental strain has
made him lunatic.
A MAN sometimes parts his name in
the middle for euphony and beauty.
Even Jacob has good effect On card
when placed as J. Cob Smith.
Iris claimed that man neverlose any
thing by politeness, but this has proved
to be mistake. AS an old Philadelphian
lifted his hat to young lady the wind
carried away his wig.
A LITTLE boy was taking walk with
his mother, when suddenly a thunder
storm came on, when the little boy ex-
claimed, sob, mamma, the sun is burst
ing out into loud laugh"
A CALFoRNIAN's matrimonial adver-
tisement winds up as follows: Fortune
no object, but should require the gals
relations to deposit 81, 300 with me as
security for her good behavior"
The first locomotive trial trip in the
United States, and it is claimed in the
world, was made at Honesdale, Pa,
Aug. 8, 1928, on track built by the
Delaware and Hudson Canal Company.
CHARLEY-"What girl was that you
had in tow last EVENING"" Harry (on
his dignity)-"What you please to call
in tow, sir, is what people of culture
generally speak of as blonde tresses,