The new North-west., 1880-04-02
BITS OF WIT.

The Whoopinkoffs are an old Russian
family.-Oom. Adosrtiser.
"'Tis not the whole of life to live, nor
all of death to die !" tits raising cash to
pay our bills that worries you and l.
Patrick having been told that D. Petars
had found an asteroid, remarked: "Bedad
he may have his asteroid, but as for meself
oi prefer horse ter ride. Rome Ssnti-
mel. sss 1a em H Ir.I =r
We believe It was an impoverished man
who had big note coming due, who wrote
the supplcation beginning Backward, roll
backward, q time, in your flight."-Albany
Journal. s u
"James - Yours received. 1t is call
ed q drop curtain, because when 1t goes
down the boys 60 out for a drep Of some
thing, custom harded down from the days
Of Shakespeare.
A physician told Chicago man that he
could cure him of his love for whisky, and
the Mortified man at once notified the doc
tor that he should employ another medical
adviser.-BJston Post.
A Pacific Mail steamer was chased seven
miles By water spout, but finally outiaa
it, though it required more steam than she
over carried before. We throw this out as
the first fish story for 1sS0.-Detron Free
Press.
Recently q city clergyman announc 4
that his text was the 18th, 14th and 10Th
verses of q certain chapter in Numbers,
whereupon the whole congregation smiled
In anticipating q solution of "the game of
fifteen"
MIR. Longfsllow, the poot, enjoys telling at
his own expense the story that an English
man strolled into his Cambridge home, one
summers day, saying: "As-ah there is
-ah no old ruins in this blasted country, I
thought I'd come to see you."
A young New Yorker was introduced to
a Boston girl, and, before they were &C
quainted 80 minutes, she got SO spooney
that she call him an asterolepis, Silurian
placoid, and cartilaginous vertebrate. He
returned to New York by the midnight
train.
When young lady tripped into music
store tho other day, and asked the bashful
clerk in attendance for 1.-Two Kisses" be
jammed oa his hat and rushed out of the
back door. The clerk never having heard
of the piece of music, thought he was the
victim of leap.year proposal. and bis sala.
ry was MOI quite large enough to support
two.
There's lapgh for the girl who feels badly,
Twill come to her afte while
There is hope for Tie man who feels sadly,
Twill come 10 him after 'smile."
Some people are born unlucky. A young
maa in Virginia City blew down tie muz
zle of a loaded pistol, and the response wal
a bullet 10 bis mouth. And yet Denis g,
around without grain of shot in his mis-
erable little carcass, though he has been
blowing day and night for year in th'
muzzles Of the sons of guns of the Sand.
Lot.
Once upon time tho mule, without
having rec,ived an invitation, attended
convention of animals that was called fol
the purpose Of discussing the best metbod'
of family government. "What do you know
about all this ?" asked the president, tauht
lugly, shave you ever raised ary children?
The male wept. "Ah, no." she said, ~
have never raised anything but full growr
men; but, lana Of the pilgrim You shoult
see me Iaiss man that weighed as much
as David Davis, Upon rising vote thu
mule was Immediately elected financial sec
retary, with power to send for persons and
papers !-Hapksvs.