South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-07-02
w 1 + A ND II u M o r.

the week after his marriage, elf Your
husband were 10 die what would Won
do? al don't Know, Tm sure George
said the wife rctiectively. 81 never
thought of that. must look in nv
Book of Etiquette and read the rules
for young widows"
While n Leadville lawyer was cross
examining a woman who was on tho
witness stand, last week, she exclaim-
Cd 'I'm lady, and by thunder.
don't You forget it."
TALK AROUND Ir.-An old LAWYER
was giving his advice to his son. who
was Just entering upon the practice of
his fathers profession.
"My son." said the counsellor. off
You have case when the law is clear
~ on your side, but justice seems n
galnst you, urge upon the court and
jury the vast importance of sustaining
the law. If on the other hand, YOU
are in doubt about the law, but your
clients case is founded in Justice, in
sist on the necessity of doing justice.
though the heavens fall"
"But, asked the son, show shall |
manage q case where both law and
Justice arc dead against me %
'ln that case, my son, talk round
IT, talk round it,
Miss Jones was about to marry a
'niin.-y officer, much to her mothers
displeasuit WHY, my child" said
tile latter, 'sdou't you know war NAV
be declared at any moment, and take
HIM away forcver?' "Very WELL"
was the answer, ga widow Of seven
teen-what could be more poetic -
"Now tell me candidly. are YOU
guilty." asked a lawyer Of his client
why, do you suppose I'd be fool G.
nough to hire you if j was innocent I"
CAUSE IT'S SUNDAY.-A lady was
entertaining the Bishop of the State at
her house, aus he was an old and val.
ued friend of the family, and was al
ways their guest on the occasion of his
visitation to the parish.
On Sunday morning after his arri-
val, the lady's little son sided up to
him Just after breakfast.
"Bishop," said he, "would you like
to look at my piggie bookr'
"Why yes" replied the church dig
mtary, anxious TO please the little
fellow.
"Well," whispered the chIla, ssTll
show it to you, but you'll have to look
at it on the sly, cause it's Sunday"
A lady told asingle gentleman that
his wit was pretty.
"Why So" asked he.
because" replies the lady, "you
have SO little, and whatever is little |
you know, Is pretty -
An agricultural paper comes to as
with an article on Curing fruit by
cold. ;" We don't care cent for that, |
but If the bucolic editor could ONLY in
vent some method Of .curing colds by
truit, grateful people would build |
HIM monument. Or promise to.
A few years ago the states attorney
OF northern county in Vermont, al
though man Of great legal ability.
was very fond of the bottle. On one
occasion an important criminal case
was called on by the clerk, but the at
torney, with owl-like gravity kept his
chair. "Mr. Attorney, is the state
ready to proceed p said the judge
y es-hic-no-your honor STAN
mcred the lawyer; ''the state is not
IN state to try this case to-day; the
State, your honor, is-drunk -
When the daughters are infants.
mothers are anxious to keep matches
out OF their reach. It's different when
they grow up.
my DEAR" said an anxious matron
to her daughter, cit is very wrong for
young people 10 be throwing kisses at
each other" Why so, mammal Pm
sure they don't hurt, even if they
do hit.
"You ought to let me pass free of
charge, considering the benevolent
nature OF my profession" said ply
sicIan to a toIlgatc keeper. mot so. -
was the reply. "You send too many
dead-head5 through here now"
A Coop STORY OF JAcKsox.-Gen
jackson was once visiting a Kentuc-
Ky town where, among tic gentlemen
presented to him, was Major Lewis.
who desired to impress Jackson and !
his admirers with his own indepen
dcnce. Taking a dignifed attitude.
hc said, "Well, General, / have ali i
my life been voting against you."-
Jackson courteously bowed to him and /
said, good bumoredIy, "Well, Major
Lewis, | have all my life been fight /
ING the battles of my country in order |
that you might enjoy that privilege" |
"My son, if thou wilt wear tight |
boots, there are three bad things thou
wilt inevitably sutier-namelv. q bad |