Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-02-21
"DI MEROD ON PINAFORE.
From the N. Y, Graphic. I

| [From the N. Y. Graphic
| l believe have more patience than
anything living except an alligator, but
even that philosophical animal would
not endure what have during the past
six weeks without wishing that he had
been born a crowbar.
| left Texas Immediately after Christ
mas tor New York, IN good circumstan-
ces, and with no physical ailment be-
yond two bunions and a brand new lit:
tie "Mero." The little "Mero' trade
has been just about brisk enough, since
l married, to inspire me with q fellow
iee,ing for old clothes.
Babies are like chills; If you once
commence having them, the Lord only
knows when the thing will end 1t costs
something to keep 'em In good spirits,
teo, for these little humanities have ap-
petites that will lay perpetual motion
clean in the shade.
There's one consolation about mine:
Not single one is bow-legged. and only
one wears his eyes biased, and he takes
alter his mother.
However. should be content to con-
tinue experimenting in growing fami-
lies but for song that has travelled
| around in my footsteps ever since we
came, like second hand ticket scalper
at railroad depot.
have heard 1t. If not, and you learn
that it is coming your way, enter the
| nearest deaf and dumb asylum, and re-
main there until after the epidemic:
It's worse than the epizootic, cholera,
| rvffto NFaino fro,,L1o o;.>Lo.
dispatches, rheumatism. Irish distress,
twins, grasshoppers and the Ute war
combined.
mldable, and yet it can STIR up more
racket than anything on the face of the
earth, except small boy with father
and single attachment, or red-headed
girl when her stocking and mouse are
loose at the same time.
We arrived at the Grand Central De-
pot on New Years day. The bands
playing "Pinafore;" soldiers were
marching, with drums beating, and
flags flying, and bayenets flashing; guns
were booming. bells ringing and cab
men whistllng "Pinatore.' Every body
| was full of ''Pinafore" and egg nog.
Mrs. Nero was hurrahing around like
ene-eyed Mexican at a chicken fight;
little Nero was popping up and down
like an India-rubber suspender. and
felt so all fired high-minded that order
ed lager beer tor the whole family on
the spot.
After while we thought a change of
programme would be healthy, but 1t
| was not to be had.
"PInafore was what the people want
cd, and "Pinaiore" they were gong to
have. We drove to the hotel through
about forty acres of "Pinafore." While
We registered the clerk hummed it; as
We ascsnded to our room the bell boy
ratified 1t off on the bars OF the elevator,
but before we reached the second floor.
little Nero, no doubt thinking that we
had captured a balloon. or the bottom
OF the hotel was flying off with US, set
up suoh revolutionary yell that the
"Pinatere" rehearsal was brought to a
temporary. if not tranquil, cessation.
But hostilities were soon resumed.
That night retired early and tried to
sleep, but all night long some idiot In
the next room was endeavoring to re-
late, in tunetul style, how he had pol
ished the handle OF something or other
so carefully that he got to be the ruler
of the queens ndUee (as he called it
We'll. l suppose it's all right; but if |
had been the queen for about fifteen
minutes that night I'd have polished his
head.
The next morning l awoke to find
"Plnafore" stealing through the shutters
with the first beams OF sunlight, and, in
a fit OF desperation. rushed to the win
dow and emptied pitcher of water on
the first thing that passed. which hap
pened to be skye-terrier pup, with an
Englishman tied to it.
Entering the barber shop asked for
shave, but no sooner was 1 seated
than the murderous barber began to
lather that contounded song all over me.
l submitted like martyr until he bawl-
Cd out:
'Sing, hey, the merry maiden and the tarl,'
Now. l can stand almost anything,
from measles to a mother-in-law, but
when he began to talk about smeariny
a young maiden over with tar, | conclu
ded to stop him before he called for
feathers also. With that chivalrous SEN
timont careering around inside OF me,
arose almost unanimously, and exclaim-
ed in tone that would be worth $40 to
congressman
''See. here, if you say another word.
Pil sing "Hey, the wild Texan and
six shoot" but before | could finish he
lit out OF the door, as though he had ur-
gent business at the equator, which re-
quired his attention within the next half
hour
l went into the dining room for break
fast, and three of the upliest waiters
that were ever born stood behind nv
chair and hummed "PInaiore,' while 1
ran over the bill OF fare and wondered
ii Job ever visited city where one
song was sung by every creature that
could sing and by about seven hundred
steamboat loads that could not.
passed by an establishment around
tho corner. and thought glass of beer
would soothe me, but-would YOU be-
lisve it-that heather Dutchman lust
settled himself against the counter and
began:
~ vas named lacdle Puttcrgup.
Schwced leedle Puttergup
Und dOaned told what's der reason
He was the first genuine buttercup
had seen since the war, and l was glad
to note that the plant gave evidence of
such healthy growth, to say nothing of
the perfume. He weighed about 800 |
and emitted an odor OF beer and cab |
bage that Wou.u have made ~cs- al
hydrophobis hesitate long time before !
it tackled him.
had seen very pretty but rather