Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1880-02-20
The Brakeman who went to church

The Brakeman who Went TO Church,
AND WHAT HE TOLD THE BURLINGTON HAwKEYE
MAN ABOUT IT.
To me comes the brakeman, and seating
himself on the arm of the seat says: II went
to church yesterday"
"Yes2" I said, with that Interested inhec-
ton that asks for more. And what church
did you attondY
(Which do you guess?' he asked.
''Some union mission church p hazard
ed
Nav" he said, 81 don't like to run on
these branch roads very much. / don't often
go to church, and when do, l want to run
on the main line, where your run is regular
and you 20 on a schedule time and don't have
to wait on connections. don't like to run
on n branch Good enough, but don't like
it,"
"Episcopali" 2" l guessed.
Limited express, lac said, "all palace cars
and 81 extra for a seat fast time, and only
stop at the big stations Nice line, but too
exhaustive for IA brakeman. All train men in
uniform, conductors punch and lantern sill
yer plated and no train boys allowed. Then
the passengers are allowed to talk back at the
conductor aud il makes them too free and
easy. No, / couldn't stand the palace cars.
Rich road, though. Don't often hear Of
receiver being appointed for that line. Some
ulbul1 ulct DeOlllt lIhNtl Ol IT, tOO'
"Uniyersalisty Z" l suggested
Broad gauge" said the brakeman 'does
too much complimentary business. Every
body travels on pass Conductor doesn't
get fare once in fifty miles. Stops at all
flag stations, and won't run into anything but
a union depot. No smoking car on the train.
orders are vague though, and the train men
don't get along well with the passengers. No,
/ don't 60 to the Unversalist, though | know
emma awfullv e,ooJ man who ruu On that
road"
presbyterian 7" l asked.
Marrow gauge, eh = said the brakeman,
pretty track, straight as a rule; tunnel right
through mountain rather than 60 around it;
spirit-level grade; passengers have to show
their tickets before they get on the train.
Mighty strict road but the cars are a little
narrow have TO sit one in a seat and no
room in the aisle to dance Then there's no
stop-ovcr tickets allowed got to 60 straight
through to the station you are tickcted for, or
you cant get on at dl When the cars full,
no extra coaches; cars built at the shops to
hold just so many, and nobody else allowed
on. But you don't often hear Of an accident
on that road. It's run right up to the rules.
Maybe You joined the free-thinkers;' /
said
Scrub road" said the brakeman, dirt
road-bed and no ballast no time card and no
train dispatcher. All trains run wild, aud
cry engineer makes his own time, just As he
pleases Smoke if you want to kind Of "a
go-as- you please road Too many side tracks,
and every switch wide open all the time, with
the swtchman sound asleep and the target
lamp dead out.S Get on as you please and get
of when you want to. Don't have to show
your tickets and the conductor isn't expect
ed to do anything but amuse the passengers.
No, sir | was offered pass but don't like
the line. | don't like to travel Oh a line that
has no terminus Do you know, sir, | asked
II division superintendent where that road
run to, and he said he hoped to die if he
knew / asked him if the general superin-
tendent could tell me, and he said he didn't
believe they had a general superintendent,
and if they had he didn't know any more
about the road than the passengers. | asked
him who he reported to. and he said nobody
/ asked a conductor who he got his orders
from, and he said he didn't take orders from
any living man or dead ghost And when
| asked the engineer who hc got his orders
from, he said he'd like to see anybody give
him orders, he'd run that train to suit him
self or he'd run it into the ditch Now, You
see, sir, I'm railroad man, and don't care
TO run ON road that has no time, makes no
connections runs nowhere, and has no
perintendent. 1t may be all right, but I've
rairoadcd too long to understand it,"
Did you try the Methodistf' / said.
NOW you re SHOUTING. ne hhltl, VIII houlc
enthusiasm. Nice road. eli ! Fast time and
plenty of passengers. Engines carry power
of steam, and don't you forget it; steam
gauge shows "a hundred, and enough all the
time. Lively road when the conductor
shouts all aboard, you can hear him to the
next station. Every train lamp shines like
headlight Stop-over checks given on all
through tickets passenger can drop oil the
train as often as he likes do the station two
nj ha eyt al
train that comes laundering along. Good,
whole sonlcd, compauionable conductors
amt road in the country where the passen-
gers feel more Mt home. No passes every
passenger pays full traffic rates for his ticket.
Wesleyan house air brake on all trains too
pretty safe road, but l didn't ride over it yes
terday
Maybe you went to the Congregational
church ?" / said
Popular road" said the brakeman, IAN
old road too one Of the very oldest in this
country. Good road-bed aud comfortable
cars Well managed road too directors
don't interfere with division superintendents
aud train orders Roads mighty popular
but it's pretty independent, too See, didn't
one of the division superintendents down
east discontinue one of the oldest stations on
this line two or three years ago? But it's
mighty pleasant road to travel on. Always
has such a splendid class of passengers"
Perhaps you tried the Baptist ?" l guess
ed once more.
''Ah, ha!" said the brakeman, "she's a
daisy, isn't she River road, beautiful curves
sweep around anything to keep close TO the
river, hut it's all steel rail and rock ballast
single track all the way, and not side-track
all the way from the round house to the ter
minus. Takes heap of water to run it
through; double tanks at every station, and
there isn't an engine in the shops that can
pull pound or run mile in less than two
gauges. But it runs through lovely coun-
try; these river roads always do river on
one side aud hills on the other and it's
steady climb up the grade all the way till the
run ends where the fountainhead of the river
begins Yes, sir, I'll take the river road ev-
cry time for n lovely trip, sure connections
and good time, and no prairie dust blowing
in at the windows. And yesterday when the
conductor came round for the tickets with a
little basket punch, didn't ask him to pass
me, but paid my fare like little man
twenty-five cents for an hours run and lit
tie concert by the passengers throwed in.
tell you, Pilgrim you take the river road
when you want"
But Just here the long whistle from the en-
CINE announced a station, and the brakeman
hurried to the door, shouting:
"Zonsyille! This train makes no stops
between here and Indianapolis" :"
-------
NICE YOUNG MAN.-Jennie June thus
describes the every day life of real nice"
NJ, / 10 10 nnf Inl