Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1880-01-29
VARIETIES.

maluen eHorJ.
"A cold snap-An icy answer
Boston transcript.
TO the poor all thanks are poor
HGckenSacb Republican.
Its meet and drink that is depriv-
ing many family Of food. CinctnasOtS
Commercial.
The skins and cores of a bushel of
apples amount to almost a peck. GnaW
'em close. Free Press.
The Chicago Journal thinks that 1880
must be girl. 1t has 50 far been such
a mild and tender sort of year.
-" Keep away! Death! Bewarep'
are some of the signs on an Ohio pow
der magazine which has been empty
for twenty years. .... .
The voice of a political speaker
could be heard mile in the Arctic re-
gions, and why they don't 60 there is
an awful mystery. Free Press.
"A man at Bridgeport, Conn, kicked
at a hog, got a bite in the leg and the
doctors had to saw it off to save his
life. A soft answer turneth away
wrath.
The profit on wine is not so very
great-only about sixty per cent. Com
pare this with the twenty-five cents
profit made on a box of twenty-five
cent pills.
The wife who kisses her husband
goodbye with his coat collar covered
with dandrufP married him for love and
is not afraid to trust him anywhere
Free Press.
The New Orleans PjcGyu1pe has OBJ
served that Latin inscriptions on tomb
stones give the most general satisfac-
ton. What can't be translated is taken
for granted.
This is the odd way in which the
New York Commercial AdUeTtiSeT msn
compliments his wife: "You will al
ways notice that the ugly fellows get
the prettiest wives" ...-
i think of thee, dear William, ...
| And long to hear from you;
Send me missiVe, won't you, please,
o, come now, billet dOarr. ..
--KeOkask Gate City.
-" There are too many women in the
wOrld-60, 1000 more women than men
in Massachusetts," growled the hus-
band. "That is the survival of the
fittest," my DEAR" replied the wife.
A Chicago man has womsn's
tooth grated into his jaw, and now
every time he passes millinery store
that tooth fairly aches to drag him up
to the ow.-PbiLGdel1t6G Chronicle.
William Watkins, of Madison, re-
mained bachelor until he was fifty
seven years old, when he married the
other day. The local papers whooped
out the headline. "Another old land
mark gone!'- H0U5- Eye. I'd
Cole went to Wofford's house, at
Franklin, La, pistol in hand, and said:
81 have come to kill you'll mean busi-
ness" 8" If you mean business" Wof-
ford replied, "here it is," and he shot
Cole dead.
The New Orleans PicGystrse is char
liable enough to believe that there are
hundreds of men engaged in politics
who are not bad at heart and who
would be willing to get an honest liV-
ing if they could get it without work.
Why is it that when you meet a
man Z" ker chuck'' on the sidewalk he
always turns to his right while you
turn to your left, and not satisfied with
that he Immediately turns to his left
and you are just fool enough to turn to
your rightP-NeoO Haven Register.
You never heard an Onondaga
County Indian wrestle with the beauties
of the English? Comes along gentle
squaW looking for her wandering lord.
"You seen my old man along here,
bye and byeP" eyes, l saw him"
''How long ago, frst?" Hawb- Eye.
-Calcraft, the late English hang
man, was always sorry thathe couldn't
hang a newspaper reporter before he
went out of the business Providence
is always on the side of the man of the
Faber. We never knew a reporter yet
who didn't outliVe the man who hated
him. -HGSOk-Eye. ..- ....
"A strange, sad case of mental aber-
ration has been brought before the ply
sicians of New York. An editor has
suddenly fallen the helpless prey to the
wild hallucination that he has a bank
account The medicine men say there
is no hope for him, and he will proba-
bly, be shot by the chief of police
HG0Cb-Bge. . s.... .u
Prices move all articles. In winter
when there is no sale for ice man can
slip and sprain his ankle on it at every
corner, but when summer comes itgoes
up so high that two small Jumps in a
glass cost twenty cents, though to De
sure the bar-keeper throws in liquid
chromo.-OI Gjty Derrick. a
Professor" The passive action of
muscles is particularly marked in
the cases of birds, who clutch their
perch merely in consequence of their
bodily weight. In removing a fowl
from a hen-roost, you have, doubtless,
found it necessary to lift it, and -"
(class see the point )-ActG CoIatn1bE-
ana.
"A bridal party in st. Louis JUS
tice's office lacked the bridegroom. He
had quarreled with the bride, and, after
waiting an hour beyond the appointed
time, she told her friends that he prob
ably did not mean to come at all.
ThereupOn an old admirer offered to
taze tba missing man's Olace The