The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-02
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Lap of luxury-A cat eating cream.
Cured by smoking-Tongue.
Side whskers-Mules tails in fly time
Fleecy-Thc confidence man.
A Strapper--The village schoolmastcr
Where does the weather 60 to when it clears Off!
novel schcme--A proposition to write ro
nance.
Don't get in debt to shoemaker if you would
call your sole your own.
That was a good prayer Of the old deacon;
Lord, makes us willing to run on little crrands
for thee"
Managers Of New Jersey poor farms are sup
posed to raise melons for themselves and county
officials, not paupers,
And to think that John Logan, down in Maine,
smashed the English language into n thousand
fragments for nothing.
To Richland correspondent: corner in pork
is supposed to be a man who pickles or "corns'
hams.
Says stalwart paper: Blaine knows what
he's about" so does everybody. He is "about"
the most disappointed man in the state OF Maine
or In the country.
1t Is reported that Garfield has requested Bob
1ngersol to come to Mentor and preach his ser
mon: "What shall do to be savedr'
The Indians up in the British Dominlons have
been caught smuggling. This must be stopped
If possible, before the red man has an opportu.
nifty to corrupt his Christian white brother.
Bob Tngersoll says the presidential game now
''stand. six to six and Hancock has the deal"
We do not know what that means, but presume
the Garfield fellows know,--EL.
"The temperance men mean business In the
matter of clearing out the whisky. They're just
full Of it," cried an excited orator, who has not
been invited to speak since
When the Hancock men Of New York City
stand up to be counted, there is certain numer-
BUSINESS, so to speak, about the proceeding that
tmpresses the most sangune Republican spec.
tator.
South End man asked q oncarmed organ.
grinder If he was survivor OF the late war, and
the organist replied: Hang it, do act as though
was killed in itY'-Boston Post.
Upon the summers cheek a tint
OF tenderer palor lies.
We read soft unspokcn hint
Of death within her eyes.
And much the same prophetic shade,
Pathetic strange and mute,
Falls DER the trousers slightly frayed
Or the young mans summer suit.
Puck.
A Leadyille deacon ran man three miles up
hill and rolled him back in barrel, for the ofense
Of calling church joss house. They're bound
to have religion respected in Leadve.
The Leadvlc epitaphs are tersc and pointed
Here is one:
DER this poor gamblers silent clay,
Kind reader, do not greye;
His death took place when johnson caught
Three aces up his sleeve
Speaking OF painting things so true to nature
Keokuk man painted picket fence so natural
ly that small boy knocked picket off from it,
9rawed through the aperture thus made and
carried OIL a premium watermelon. -he0kuk Con.
QttutiOn.
The democratic paragraph aend just rcves in
the republican disaster in Maine, Here are few
Of his wicked squibs:
This is the first bite OF the watermelon" OBJ
serves the democratic party, referring to Maine
and wping of its chin.
Private Dalzell wasn't sent down TO Maine.
This explains little thing which recently hap
pened in that state.
The election in Maine has no significance.
The deuce 1t HASN'T" exclaims the defeated
Mr. Davis.
Word from Mr.. Hayes: ~ have always re.
xarded the Maine pumpkin as an inferior vege-
sable, anyhow"
"Didn't | ssy 1t wasn't dress parade 2" asks
Dir. Blaine, as lie wipes the blood OF his nose
This is only the beginning, James; wait until
the quiet Of Novembcr.-Gen. Hancock.
! would rather have a girl baby than be in
James Blane's place. King Alfonso.
Maine appears to have looked on Garfield's
platform as DeGolyer pavement.
Maine appears to have Paisted.se at the
head OF the democratic column.
What do you think about "the sober quiet Of
November" Mr. Garfield?
Why should the spirit OF mortal be proud"'
j G. Blaine.
The verdict OF Maine: Gen. Hancock doesn't
wear corsets.
have ceased spelling Maine with big MI.
4. G.,
The barrel is mghtier than the stump.--Jim
Blaine.
Have you examined the cut of your coat?
Have you brushed out the moths from your
seals
You know Jack Frost will soon be en- route,
And his blasts from the north pole will spiel
IT'S hoped you've been prudent in saving your
cash,
Sos to "tog" out aud shine with new lustre-
or all ones troubles, the one that's most "hash, "
i 10 shin through the snow IN ones duster
-Petroleum World.
The amount OF 'rebel claims" to be paid when
Gen. Hancock and the other TRAITORS" come
INTO office, including Of course compensation for
emancipated negroes and redemption OF confed.
crate bonds, is now, according TO republican or
gans, So 437 2Is SOL 07S l47 s9l 2lS25 1t is din
cult TO imagine how they got the exact amount,
but they got lt.-St. linus Republican.
TINY TRAGEDY.
sPAsM l.
lie rose up in the morning-then
He broke her lovely head;
He was the very worst Of mes,
That patient lady said.
sPASM II.
She bought pound Of arsenic,
She put il in his beer,