Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1880-08-27
A QUEER CRAZE.


pened, and l amt got tired tellin' about
It yet. 1t was swelterin' hot that day,
the sort of weather when folks would be
glad to take off their flesh and sit down
in their bones. There hadn't been a
drop of rain for four weeks, and every
thing looked thirsty. / went about in
the afternoon very sorrowful-like,
sprinklin' the flowers and thinkin' that
the time soon was comm when some
one else would be watchin' 'em. Things
had been gettin' harder ever since
brother Reuben was lost on his last voy-
age, and hadn't been able to pay the
mortgage interest, and old Squire Jones
was gone, and every thing in the hands
of that wild son; and I'd got notice il
the money wasn't paid by the 30th of
June every thing would be seized. l
didn't rightly know how was goin' to
make a livin' either. | was gittin'
elderly-nigh sixty-and when folks are
as old as that they're like cats, and don't
care about new homes So | sat down
very melancholy at the window, and
looked out at the little scrap of garden
where I'd worked for years, and began
to think of the time when was slip of
girl and not so bad-lookiRg, and Pol
lonious Sawyer used to come and see
me and bring me momentum, as he
called it, from every voyage. Lor', the
house was just cluttered up with queer
old things that Rube and he brought,
that wouldn't bring a sixpence at van
doc. Poor Pollonius! He was wrecked
on strange coast, and no one knows
where his grave is. | reckon he had q
present for me with him; but I'll never
get that one. All, mel
tI was a settin' very retrospective
like when l see Miss Vanburen a-comin'
in the gate. No hot weather could
quench that woman's ardor for visitin'.
She had her sun-bonnet in her hand,
and couldn't stay minute, of course.
But knew her tricks and her manners,
and begun a-turnin' over in my mind
what could give her. You see, I'd
been savin' lately, and hadn't the u.s.
ual supply in the house, but l wasn't
goin' to demean myself before Hetty
Vanburen. She's mournful-lookin'
woman at the best of times, with hus-
band who drinks and throws plates at
her head, and six rollicking, roaring
children. Well, that's neither here nor
there, She comes in with her mouth
drawed down and her eyes turned up;
and sez:
"'Wotever's happened to you, Mrs.
VanP' says 1.
"'Why, 1 thought l must come over
and condole with you, she says, a-turn-
in over the word 'condole' with sort
o. relish. He says as how he heard
down town that Life Jones was a-goin'
to sell you out, root and branch, and l
thought it was only neighborly to come
over and see if twas true. He don't get
things straight more'n half the time,
'cos he "sees through glass darkly,"
as the minister says
81 own | was took a-back on havin'
the affair published afore | had time to
think it over, as you might say.
"It's real neighborly,' sez /, kind o.
bitter, 'to come over and take tea with
me once more; for you see yer oppor-
tunities in that line will be nipped in the
bud if it's all true
"'Then it is trueP'
"'Yes!' sez, kind o. desperate;
very soon, l s'pOse, the place that
knows me so well will know me no
more : and the tears come into my eyes.
81 m lone, lone woman, and where I'll
drift to / don't know
"''Twouldn't bring much at van
doo,' she says, lookin' round very keen
like.
"'No, s'pose not; rubbish most of
it,
"'But you've got some good linen as
I'd like she says, in a manner 1 con-
sidered unfeelin', 'and this ere arm.
cheers comfortable. I'm sort o. used
to this armcheer, and l wouldn't mind
biddin' it in at a private sale if you'd
wait bit for the money
81 was sort o. disgusted at her sell
fishness never seemin' to feel how
used was to the armchair, or how it
hurt me to think of partin' with the
things.
"It's a melancholy world she says,
the next minute. Think, perhaps. that
she'd forgot about the condolin'. "A
pilgrims progress of male, and blessed
be them what's got nothin'. some-
times wish | was out of it all when he
gets the tantrums and sends the plates
flying at my head. l give you my word
we amt got whole plate in the house,
and we wouldn't have thing to eat off
if it wasn't for that cement they call
stratena, as l mends 'em with continual.
And abuse-you wouldn't believe it, Miss
Haddock; a-tellin' me to go to-devilish
place, you know. Says l, you'd better
be wishin' me in heaven, says l, coz I'd
be more out of your way
"'Every ones got their cross sez,
signing. 1--we got more'n my SHARE
she sez, drawin' down the corners of
her mouth. 'Sararann Haddock, YOU
was a wise woman never to tie yourself
TO any male critter. Why it seems
more like heaven to git over here to a
little peace and quietness; and woteyer
I'm goin' to do when you're gone-r
"'I amt gone yet, sez I, sort o.
snappish - COS l couldn't bear her takin'
it for granted that there wasn't a chance
for me. We're such Gurus critters, you
see! l kept clingin' to the hope that
God was goin' to work some miracle for
me. Now He did, and this is how it
came about. | Iexcused myself to go and
put on the tea-kettle, and then found |
hadn't blessed thing for tea. / had
milk in the house, but nary an egg, and
what kin body do without eggs. / only
hoN NChPiO Vi hOhs1 unu lu0J was "a
setting and steadily purposed to bring up
a family. So, thinks 1, I'll just throw
on a sun-bonnet and step over to Neigh
Dor Parker's and git some, and Miss Van
will never surmise the state of my larder.
Lor, | wouldn't a-had the neighbors
know that l hadn't a bit of Clipped beef
in the house for fortune.
s. So l picks up a plate "a queer
looking thing, monstrosity calls IL -
that Bube had brung home once. 1t had
a snake like life curled up in the middle
of il, and for fear it wouldn't be natural
enough il was riz on the stuff, looked as
If you could knock it off most, and
often wished | could, for / couldn't
stomach the thought OF eatin' off II
while that Varmint was cOiled up there
an as IL that wasn't enough, there was
snails all around II, and ON the border
two lizards and beetles and various bugs
colored like life, looking as If they'd just
lighted there, and, more curious still, il
there wasn't two fish laid out with their
scales a-shinin'. never set much store