Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1880-03-31
DRIBLETS.

ALWAYS in haste the letter b.
The span of life is frcm nurse to
ON 'earse.
Full of interest: the ledger of a
savings bank.
What do you do when you have
a cold ? Cough.
A deer park: one that costs more
than it is worth.
-Trowsers obtained ON credit are
breeches of trust
TO make a superb SOUP use the
proper soup herbs.
Verdict of a Texas jury in horse
stealing case: mustang.
When will the alphabet be short
ened ? When U and | are one.
"a peck of March dust is worth a
kings ransom" is an old saying.
To win, baseball club must
start well. 1t depends on good big in
nings.
A slangy Iowan inelegantly
asked at a dentists, "Is this whar
they yank fangs"
NO, ma'am," said a grocer to an
applicant for credit, Il wouldn't trust
my own feelings"
The tighter a telephone wire is
the louder it sings SO with the-ayer-
age man on lark.
BE graceful if you can, but if you
can't be graceful be true" The Louis
lana witness is graceful.
Why is a woman with a long
dress a vagrant? Because she has no
visible means of support
If you don't happen to remember
the name of your dressmaker, speak OF
her as Miss Sew-and-sew.
First irate female-"1'd hate to
be in your shoes !" Second ditto
:"You couldn't get in them! !"
Lady (who wants to sit DOWN:
"Will you sit in my lap, darling 7"
Darling: "Sank you. I've dot chair!'
Why is the fish that swallowed
Jonah like returned milkman Be-
cause be got profit (prophet) out OF
the water.
Rochester Erpress: Woman is
laboring to be on an equal footing
with man. The question is, will she
have to step up or down?
The burglar alarm is great in
vention 1t always warns the burglar
in season for him to get out of the way
before anybody can shoot.
A child being asked what were
the three great feasts of the Jews,
promptly and not unnaturally replied :
Breakfast, dinner, and supper"
-Overton is guilty Of the worst we
have heard. He says his wife Polly
Ann gives him all the music he wants.
She is, so to speak, his p. Ann o.
Doctor: "You must drink claret,
to build up your system" Patient !:
"Oh! don't ask me to do that, Doctor.
am a wine-merchant. / know how
it's made"
"A man in Texas shot five men
and no attention was paid to it, but
one day he stole mule and in less
than an hour the infuriated citizens
hanged him.
1.-The Liar" "The Fool" and
'Tbe Politician" are the three plays
now running at different theaters in
New York. What's the use of having
so many plays on the same subject?
"A pet terrier dog wearing $500
diamond collar was stolen from a New
York residence the other day. Wasn't
it in New York recently that a mother
and three little children starved to
death /?
The Rev. Mr.. was once called
upon to marry a man to his fourth
wife. As he approached the couple, be
said: please to rise" The man wrig-
gled about in his chair moment,
and finally spoke: We've usually sot!''
"A newspaper scribbler, after work
ing hard whole hour, got oft this par
agraph: "An editor sometimes puts
on a clean collar merely as neck's
change. If he should go without his
collar we suppose it would be low
>necks-hibition
New Haven Register: ale does
well who does his best, says the poet,
and it looks plausible; but we know a
fellow who did his best to marry a
100000 girl, failed, and didn't do
well at all. He married red-headed
widow with seven children, and the
worst run of poverty in three counties.
A correspondent of The Church
man thinks there is an Irish bull in the
child's prayer
"If / should die before ! wake,
pray thee, Lord my soul to take"
and be wants it changed thus:
"If should die, and not darake."
1t would be as easy to pry the sun off
its center as to make the change
Editors of Sunday papers are re-
fused admission to church member
ship in Boston. And the editors of
the other papers never apply. Notices
of sociables and the manuscript Of STIR
ring sermons etc, are handed into the
office of the wicked Boston editor for