The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-11-25

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G1oan persons. -lnvalids.
Men Of palish.- boot blacks. 49,.
Chicken hazard. - shop egg. ~: =:
A hard kase.-A Dutch cheese.
" A stuck-up thing.-A show bill. i.,T
Always open to conviction.-A thief.
The way to get over culinary difficult
ty il to Bridget.
A man Is very apt to feel girlish when
he makes his maiden speech.
Proposals are in order, girls. Re
member, no bachelor should be With
cut won. ~
"Never let q cold run" says the doctor.
Bad ADVICE. He wants you to catch it,
and make work fer him.
A circus never runs too long for spec
tators, but let . sermon run forty minutes
and congregation can't nit still.
A boy never stirs his stumps quite 30
lndustriously a. when poking around in
the gutter for remnants of cig ars.
Eve was the first and only woman who
did not gather up her skirts in both
hands and yell at tho sight of snake.
1.-THE men of to-day are too high
strung" says Chicago paper. Some
Of them are not strung high enough.
Marriage may be like game of cards.
but the bridegroom is all right if he
holds q good hand when the knot is tied.
"Shall hereafter darn your stockinps9'
is said to be the fashionable lanpuape
for young lady to use when mskine
leap year proposal.
A young man while attempting to fix
" misplaced switch" on a young ladys
head in ball room, stepped on her dress
and wrecked the train"
When girl is twenty she feels verv
easy on that score. it, only when she
scores another that she begins to wonder
who invented wrinkles.
George Washington never told a lie.
but then Martha never skirmished in his
pockets and insisted on knowing al
about letters written in feminine hand
Although Lots wife was converted
into pillar Of salt, no trace of her has
ever been discovered. It il strangely sus-
pected that Lot used her to ffeeze ice
cream to treat his new girl.
II wouldn't marry the bestman living" she
And she kept her VOW from the first,
But she did not live tu die an old maid,
For she married one Of the worst
Detroit street cars won't take counter
tit nickels for fare, and there always has
been q constant complaint about their
being dropped snto contribution boxes.
"What's teller 10 do2'' asks the
Free Pyess.
The liar may succeed for q time, but
justice il sure to overtake him, A Chica-
60 man told the burglars around his bed
that he hadn't dollar, but when thew
put candle to the soles of his feet. he
shelled out $3.50.
A mules head does not contain q BRAN
capable of culture and refined rearing.
but it is wonderful to what an extent the
other end of his form can be reared. We
beg to be excused, however, from bring
ing that end up by hand.
A fond mother hearing that an earth
quake was coming, sent her boys to the
country te escape 1t. After few DAYS
she received note from the friend, saw
ing:
"For goodness sake, take your bows
away, and send along the earthquake in
| stead"
A teacher in the Wiltwyck, Uleter
county, school, recently electrified her
pupils, who were annoying her with
questions: "Children, I am engaged. -
Noticing the general look of astonish-
ment, she added: "But not to anv tool
OF man. The excitement subsidized.
Some relations once paying a Lanca.
shire old lady visit, and proloneine
their stay beyond her contemplation OF
wish, were somewhat taken aback one
morning before they were up, bv thear.
ing her call out loudly on the stairs; "a
fine morning for cousins to 60 homer
ma, I want sled; I do want a sled
can't I have sled2'
ASK your tather.''
II don't want to ask him, MAJ
"Why, what nonsense! ASK him.
mo, ma, you aek him; you have
known him longest"
my dears Iliss something or some
body, I can't quite tell what or who,'
said Jones to bis children, as he sat dowr
to tea the other night.
"Perhaps it's mother" said little Bill
ly; she's gone over to aunt James to
tea.'
The child was right. It was Mrs. Jones
who was missed, and Jones remarked in
continuance:
"WeI, let's have quiet supper, then
A little girl in the infant class of 9
Sunday school thoroughly appreciated
the difference between being good from
choice and from necessity. At the close
Of the school One day the teacher re
! marked:
"Beckie, dear, you have been q very
good little girl to-day
'Yes'm, I couldn't help being good;
got tiff neck" responded the yout hful
Beckie, with perfect seriousn ess