Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-04-28
HOW THE TRAMPs WERE MADE TO
TRAMP

Everybody and the cook have been seeking
for some specific against tramps. An old
time K street merchant not a thousand miles
from the corner of Fifth, and whom many
people Uncle" has struck it-and he don't
propose, as well he might, to keep it close
by patent right. Uncle D has all
along been too big-hearted to refuse any one
crust and bone, and so, early and late the
order has been "Give em sumthin' Me-
linda; don't turn 'em way. God knows
when you'll be a askin' sumthin' to eat yerself
some o these days-no, don't you turn EN-
off Melindy Ann, give 'em piece and bone
with meat onto it." Such has
been the rule at that house and the
tramps soon found it out. They have
keen scent for good-hearted people
In the case in hand the result has been that
Uncle DIS household has been feeding an
army for year, and the wampum belt has
felt the pressure. They came doubly, singly
and in groups they came early, late and
often they came for breakfast, dinner, sup
per, lunch and between meals they had a
dead steady thing and realized on the strike
until Melindy Ann and Betsy Jane and Mrs
Uncle ID. and the cook and the children pro-
tested and at last the order was revoked
UuI JHe IrdiupS were uoJ. lHty all CDe
more big, fat, able-bodied sinners and i'm
posters, and they wouldn't take no for an
answer g they weren't goin to let that fam
lily ruin the good reputation it had
for charity" one of the crew was
heard to remark to a companion one
day. So Uncle d. laid in supply
of four foot, gnarly, knotty, double and
twisted live oak, and propped saw and buck
up against the pile, and whenever tramp
applied for dinner he was told that the price
was twelve sticks, sawed into fourteen-inch
lengths" And then sudden epidemic of
Affections struck the tramp brotherhood, and
they became halt, lame, blind, rheumatic,
and had fever-sores, and ague, and lumbago,
and heaven knows what else, until Uncle
DIS heart melted again, and the fraternity of
ID. BIS. got their regular rations, as of yore.
But the situation was getting desperate, and
a remedy had to be found beyond point blank
refusal. The good man must ruin his ''repu-
tation," or bankrupt his larder He tells the
sequel himself, in long drawn words and with
the greatest JUNCTION: "Well, one day
we had some pies and cakes and fxins,
and of all the 'irdest tastin' stuff-well,
we couldn't touch 'em they tasted stronger
and louder than -. Well, Melindy, she
swore she'd used that packin' of butter that l
put up myself, for shortnin', and the -four
was good, and She - but bless yer soul,
the girls explanation didn't help it, and we
couldn't eat the stuff. So l took skip down
into the cellar that day, and there was that
packin' of butter, and one of the frkins had
gone back on itself and got way up out of the
brine, and if ever you smelled IRONY butter,
there twas, and just the worst. WE'LL an
idea struck me, and [ went up stairs and told
the wife that kit of that fine butter had
gone up, and you couldn't come within rod of
it Almost, and so we had it out O that, and I
told the girls to let the tramps in again, and
feed them on anything they had in the bread
line, but always to plaster an inch thick on
both sides with that IRONY butter-oh, twas
the worst you ever saw, or smelled, either.
So they did, and made up lot O. cake and
such for theitramps' special benefit, and they
buttered everything. Oh, we got liberal
with butter, you bet you. Well, the tramps
stood it once or twice, and then they began to
growl, but they couldn't complain much, you
see-we were so liberal, you see-and at last
they saw the pint and began to drop off, and
finally they quit. Guess they admitted
beat and the IRONY butter amt out up to
our house yet. You get some and try it."