The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-01-02

CURRENT HUMOR.
A little pair Of gloves that get
Retain The smell OF clover.
And Just tinEe OF mignonette-
turn thea. vaguely over.
And marvel how the girl kissed
Tire night she promised to DO true
Gould jam number seven list
Into paltry number Two.
ssBeen having your boots half-soled ~
s4Well. yes; but they re not half sold as my
hat'
aput no fulsome compliments on my tomb
stone," said wag. Don't give me any cpl
aaffy."
An economical girl has knocked the bot
tom ont of an empty cheese-box, and now
wears IL as belt.
The attempt upon the life OF the Gar OF
Russia was Moscow-ardly thing. Balti-
more Every saturday.
III woman had the ballot what would she
do with it2 IL isn't long enough for belt or
big enough for hustle.
No woman should ever give plump mo"
70 an offer OF marriage. Hold ON To even
poor one and use 1t for bait
A Peoria woman sneezfd her Jaw out OF
place lately, and the married men OF the place
have been buying snuH ever since.
Jones being told he looked seedy, and asked
what business he WAS in, replied. The hard
wear business--iook at my wardrobe"
man gets tight to solace himself, and
cuts q bad figure. A woman soieees herself
that she gets tight to cut fine figure.
Anacreon was killed by grape-seed. There
may be many men nowadays who have got
ton away with the seed, but the juice has
Moored them.
As the Grant boom grows stronger many
Northern Republicans are buying carpet bags
and studying the time tables OF the railroads
leading South.
"A - w., hall All t,ca
been established in England. Any one who
has seen an English woman's foot will be
sorry for the foot-bal.
"What bIessin' IL is," said hard working
freshman, that night niver comes on till late
in the day, when o man 10 tired and can't
work any at all. OF all
The two important events In the life OF man
are when he examines his upper lip and sees
che hair coming, and when he examines the
Cop of his head aud sees the hair going.
What is the difference between hornet and
q flea? One diff renee Ia that when YOU put
your finger on o iiea 1t Isn't there. but when
you put your finger on hornet 1t is there.
A writer says that: "The ballot Ia the only
protection the American citizen is Ia need of. !"
and yet the average American citizen will
keep right on carrying Gil umbrella when 1t
rains.
Ia man Is dissipatad, It is true that he
will not live out half his days; but then
Young Keepitup says he lives out about two
ahirds OF his nights, and that makes good
average.
we wish, says d Texas newspaper, chat
q few OF our citizens could be permitted to
live till they die natural death, SO as to
show the world what magnificent healthy
country Texas really is.
eBut. Freddy, how could you ever think OF
calling auBty stupid? immediately go to
her aud tell her that you are sorry" Freddy
goes TO sunty and says: "Aunty, am sorry
you are stuplu.
Michigan ts the place for self-sacrifce
When u young lady who has been eating
onions appears at country dance, all the
rest bite an onion that she may not feel en-
barrassed or lonely.
Profeesor-'C you multiply together
concrete numbars?" The class are uncertain.
Professor--"What will be the product OF five
apples multiplied by six potatoes" Pupil
striumphantiyl- Hash!"
A fool made himself sick by riding five
hours In an English railway-coach with his
hack to the engine. He said ne couldn't
change his seat with anybody. because there
was no one else Ia the car.
A little boy said he didn't want the soft part
of the biscuit. Some little boys, observed
his mother, would be very thankful TO get
III" "Then why don't you give 1t to them, /
answered the four year-old hopeful.
He was from New Jersey, and he waited
six hours to see Gen. Grant And when he
vortiug of gorgeous First city trooper that
he forgot to look at Grant until he was gone.
It ia nice when wife gives her husband a
box OF cigars on his birthday. but 1t somehow
takes the romance ell out OF II when she
quietly observes next morning You u nave
60 give some money to pay for those CIGARS
snent aIl mine for other things.
A certain old party. named Blaine
Got into a stew up In Maine.
Because the state vent
Az IL did once for Kent.
And ts likely TO do IL again.
nonlalessY' Prisoner: Yes, your honor"
His honor sYou have no means OF existence
Whalever?' me, your honor" His honor:
every well (after q pausel, the court CONDEMNS
YOU to pay fine OF 90.
A adrumnner" for New York house called
on a merchang recently anu naa q "a, h h,,s
ness card. saying he represented tnaa e5tao-
Fishment. The merchant examined IL care
fully. remarked that Is was me estaollsn-
ment and returned 1t to the astoMSheu Han,
with the hope that he would soon be admit
ted into partnership. The last seen OF the
drummer and merchant they were taking
about the outrage IN Maine.
Thev mad agood-sized" snow-storm
along the line of the Northern Pacific Rail
read the other day. and this ID the way Tue
Fargo Argas raves about IL:
oh. the Snow,
The Bee-ew-tifnl Snow!
!, IN Made Last Night So Jolly. You Know,
Relating the Traias and Grounding the wires.
0oAa - Blizgarding Over the Land
Ii Fires.
=, cs;ya ne a Chance, With q Big Sharp Hoe
y. 0iss IN rhe san of-a. Gun Who. Wrote
Beautiful Snow"
some days agoa man was IN Ashta5ula with Il,
isrge load 81 ladders which he sold at retail
q, n, ia streets when he could find purchaser;
or On Tue soa had one good quality and one bad
l ne. nI ia VAS ready tafker, but hard
enc. no roa day. when little more tipsy
he solicited the Rev. Mr.. Yinging
buy ader Tor TIE Methodist Me- ns
III. W. Isa as man said to him: I'll tell you
II, hat l I'll do the price Of the ladder y ~ out