Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-12-02


Intelligence Displayed BY Editorial Cock
There is cockroach that makes bis
home on our desk that has got more sense
than a delinquent subscriber. He-if it is
a he one. we are not clear as to that
comes out and sits on the side of the paste
dish, and draws in q long breath. If the
paste is fresh it eats it and wiggles his
polonaisc as much as to thank US, and
goes away refreshed. If the paste is sour
and smells bad, he looks at US with q
mournful expression. and goes away look
ing as though it was a mighty mean trick
to play on a cockroach, and he runs about
as though he was offended. When pack
age Of wedding cake is placed on the desk
he is the first to find it out, and he sits
and waits until we cut the string, when he
goes into it and walks all over the cake till
he strikes the bridal cake, when he gets
on to it, stands on his head and seems to
say "Yum, yum," and he is as tickled as
girl with q fresh beau. There is hu-
man nature in cockroach, When a man
comes in and sits around with no business,
on our busy day, and asks questions, and
stays aud keeps US from working, the
cockroach will come out and sit on the
inkstand, and look cross at the visitor as
much as to say why don't you 60
about your business and leave the poor
man alone, SO he can get some copy,
and not keep us all standing around here
doing nothing?" But when the paper is
out, and there is a lock Of cheerfulness
about the place, and We are anxious to
have friends call. the cOckrOach flies around
over the papers and welcomes each caller
rs pleasantly as he can and seems to enjoy
it. One day the paste smelled pretty bad,
and We poured about spoonful of whisky
in it and stirred it up. The cockrOach
came out to breakfast and We never saw
person seem to enjoy the meal any more
than the cocErOach did. 1t seemed as
though he couldn't get enough paste:
Pretty soon lie put one hand to his head
and looked cross eyed. lie tried to climb
down off the paste dish and fell over him
self and TUNED tlip-flap on the blotting
paper. Then he looked at us in a sort of
mysterious way, winlzed one eye, rs
much as to say, You think you
are smart, don't you, old baldy?' Then
he put one hand to his forehead, as if
in meditation, and staggered off into a
drawer, coming out..prescntly with his arm
around another cockroach, and he took
him to the paste pot and he filled mp, too,
and then they locked arms and paraded
up and down on the green cloth of the desk
as though singing 1--WE won't 90 home
till morning." aud then kicked over the
steel pen and acted 4 good deal like politi-
clans after q caucus. Finally some remark
was made by one of them that didn't suit
and they pitched in and had the worst
fight that ever was, after which one rush.
ed off as if after a policeman and the other
staggered into his hole, and we saw no
more OF our cOckrOach until the next
morning. when he came out with one hand
Oh his head, and tie other on his stomach
and after smelling OF tho paste and look
ing sick he walked off to bottle of self
zer water and craw!ed up to the cork and
looked around with au expression so hu
man that we uncorked the bottle and let
him in, and he drank rs though he had
been eating Goldfish. Since that day he
looks at us 4 little suspiciously, and when
the paste smells peculal6e goes and gets
another cockrOach to eat some of it first,
and he watches the effect.
Now. you wouldn't believe it, but that
cockroacll can tell the minute he sees 4
man whether the man has come i'll with
4 bill or has come to pay money. We
don't know how hc does it, but when a
man has bill the cockroach begins to
Iook solemn and mournful, and puts his
hands to his eyes as though weeping. If
4 man comes in TO pay money the cOck-
roacl, looks glad. smile plays around
his mouth and he acts kittcny. He acts
the most human when ladies come into
the office. Ifa book agent comes in he
makes no attempt to conceal his disgust.
One day an Old person came in with a life
of Garfield and laid it on the table, opened
to the picture of the candidate and left it..
The cockroacl walked through the violet
ink and got his feet all covered, and then
he walked all over that book and left his
mark. The woman saw the tracks and
thought we had signed our names, and she
said she WAS sorry that wo had written our
signature there. because she had another
boo!. for subscribers names. When
a handsome lady comes in the cockrOach
is in his element, and there is a good deal
oc proi;i flesh upon him. He puts his
thumbs in tie armhoies Of his vest and
walks around One day we put our face
up to a deaf young lady to speak to her,
and the cockroach looked right the other
way. and seemed tc be busy looking over
an Old copy OF the Christian Statesman,
but when lie found that we only yelled at
the lady, he winkcd as much as to say,
''Wcil, how did knOw?' 0, that cock
roach is i thoroughbred. .-Rch's Sun.