Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1880-05-13
PEPPERY PARAGRAPHS.

The good conveyancer is known by his
deeds.
Men who drink usually suck seed-carda-
mon seed.
The annual. hunt of the Empress of Aus
tria costs about $50, 900 forins.
The Duchess of Edinburgh has a muff
made of the feathers of the bluejay.
A precocious youth says that school teach
ers are like dogs, they lick your hand.
Paraguay imposes tax on bachelors be-
tween twenty-five and fifty years of age.
Old Cannon, who has been married eight
| times, refers to his present wife as his better
eight.
The key to every man is his thought; but
| there are a great many keyless men in the
| world.
Why is every teacher of music necessarily
good teacher? Because he is sound in
structor.
Wisdom for April-Neyer, never 90 with
out your umbrella-Or some other persons
umbrella.
The reason David employed sling on
Goliah was because he did not employ any
giant powder.
Whats q home without father?" asks
an exchange. It's mighty good place to
court girl in.
Maud ian aristocratic child: "How pretty
and glad you are mother I'm so glad you
married into our family.
The Philadelphia Neaos thinks it strange
that the man who first invented sleep did not
extend the invention of babies.
The transfer of part of Bedloe's Island
in New York harbor for marine hospital
purposes is favored at Washington.
The Cincinnati music college people were
displeased with Theodore Thomas because
he would not beat time with ham.
"After the Gar, what3" is the title of an
editorial in the Philadelphia Bulletin. Dyna-
mite seems to be the last thing that was after
him.
"She never told her love"-because the
young man, anticipating something of the
kind, hasn't called to see her since leap year
opened.
At recent railroad festival the following
striking sentiment was given. "Our moth
ers-the only faithful tenders who never mis-
placed a SWITCH
The idea that gunpowder and whisky will
make soldier feel brave is all nonsense. Put
him behind stone wall if you want to see
his spine stiffen.
"Please to understand, said the Honor
able Billy the other day, "Tm not such
fool as I look" mo-" said Bob, "that
would be too much"
''The male hornet does not sting" says
an eminent scientist, but people won't take
the chances of hornet being q male and
pick it up with his fingers.
Mrs. Nightingale, the mother of Florence
Nightingale, has just died at the advanced
age of ninety-three. Florence Nightingale
is now sixty-two years old.
Leigh Hunt was asked by lady at dessert
if he would venture on an orange. MAD
anne, I should be happy to do so, but am
afraid should tumble off,"
The latest sweet thing is entitled, Kiss Me
Quickly, Birdie Darling. 1t is described as
serio part probably begin
ming upon the arrival of the old man.
"You want a fiogging-that's what you
want" said parent to an unruly son. :"
know it, dad but I'll try to get along with
out it," returned the independent hopeful"
Madame Carette, the intimate friend of the
Empress Eugenie. is about to publish her
memoirs, which will shed considerable light
on the inner court circle of the Tuilleries.
A man gets into trouble by marrying two
wives. If he marries only one he may have
.rouble; and some men have come TO tribu-
alton by simply promising to marry one.
Trouble anyhow.
An English writer wishes to improve the
yypsies There are only two means for
improving them. First, keep them from
stealing your horse. Second, keep them
rom selling it back to you.
A correspondent, writing to catching
asks what is the best thing to do
when yatch 10 becalmed? The reply is,
ell q profound secret to your friends on
,oard; it is sure to get wind.
Six medical New York experts examined
nan as to his sanity and were evenly divided.
after they had wranglec about it for whole
week it was discovered that they had exam
ned the wrong person altogether.
Secretary Sherman decides that an oyster
, not fish. This is off, fsa-al A man, and
possible candidate at that, must have an
ter disregard for the consequences who will
AUS fly in the face of peoples prejudices.
The gentlemen at O dinner table were dis
ussing the familiar line, "An honest mans
le noblest work of God" when little son
the host spoke up and said 4" 1t isn't true.
" Mothers better'n any man that was ever
lade."
"You are an ojus, hidjus idjit, my DEAR"
i'd playful mamma to her daughter at
aneing school the other day. "Oh, my
,ar Mrs. -" sighed one of her neighbors,
what wouldn't | give to have your know
dge of Latin!"
Madame" said old Roger to his house.
.eper. ''in primitive countries beef is often
@ legal tender; bat, madame," added he,
nphatically, thrustiDg his fork into the
AK, "ali:the law In Christendom could not
aka this beef tender"