Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-08-27

The man who places riches above eve
rything else is apt to think the end lusti-
fies his meanness.-Neao Orleans Plea
yane.
Swarms OF these little Italian fiddlers
have alightedin Paris Give one of them a
couple of sous and he will put them in
Immediately: That's not enough to
will scrape with redouble energy. Here
are ten sous" said man to one OF them
the other day Now go and annoy that
gentleman over there" 81 can't was the
reply, ''he has sent me to you"
An American arrived the other day at Il
little hotel in French provincial town.
Tired and dusty with travel, he demand
ed room and plenty Of water to wash
with. Water We have not a drop"
said the landlord. Nuttering expressions
OF dissatisfaction he reached his room
and Immediately beloved, in ii voice
which could have been heard mile :;
Fire Fire ! Firel = A dozen Ser
wants rushed up stairs and into his room,
bearing in their hands vessels of all sorts,
filled with water with which to extinguish
the flames ''Ah, " said the guest turn
ing composedly upon them, you may
leave the water Thank you that is
all "
An old Yorkshire woman described her
happy circumstances thus: 1--WE a nice
little cottage, chest of drawers, and a
pianny, a lovely garden and some flow
ers in my window, and waxing warm my
husbands dead, and the very sunshine
of cav aaams 10 fall on me -
The Tanner mania-He: What time
do you dine 2" She "Oh, some day
next week. This Coney Island air is so
nourishing -
He was from the mountain side, and
was buying his first glass of soda. II
wish you'd skim off that scum. boss : l
amt paying for no froth, you bet"
Dumas fills is sometimes severe The
conversation had turned upon Nine. Y,
who had been very beautiful, ''She has
something of goddess" said faithful
admirer Yes" said Dumas, 'antiqui-
ty"
The new costume worn Ill Il London
ballroom is thus described by the Lon
don World: Lost, at the Bachelors
Ball, bouquet two feet i'll diameter.
When last seen it formed the chief arti
tic "' vvetuin- worn by i'.~s., I1----,--H
4 young man about to make his first
appearance in society was instructed that
it would be polite to say when being
helped at table, Half that, if you please "
1t SO happened that at his first dinner
roast pig was the centre dish, and he car
ried CONSERVATION to the heart of his host
on being asked if he would partake of
the porker by repeating his fathers po-
lite reply.
The Carson New Appeal gives the
following account of woman's terrible
task; Mrs. Chattermug, a lady living
on Nevada street, got excited over the
accounts of DR.. Tanners fast, and an
nounced that she would refrain from talk
ing for forty days. She began at 9
o'clock in the morning, and at 1870 her
pulse was SO feeble from exhaustion that
her physicians feared she would die by
noon. At II her heart beat but twenty
six Il minute, and her respirations were
Lardly noticeable. Her friends here
urged her TO discontinue her terrible task,
and told her some gossip about neigh
Dor. On hearing il she Immediately
rushed from the house, and going across
tho street met lady friend and talked
until $50 at night, and is now fully re-
stored. Her record of nearly two hours
and quarter of absolute silence now
takes its place at the top of the list.
Congratulatory letters are pouring in
from all sides, and she has had several
offers to take the lecture field"
The bakers cart was standing by the
door, minus the baker. Little cherub
climbed up, and, looking into the boxes,
feasted her eyes on cookies and jumbles,
immovable "Oh Use a good mind to
take cookie ~ ''But that would be very
wrong, said nurse, reprovingly. "The
baker won't see me 8" But God will, F"
solemnly. Il know but He'll never tell
the baker"
TIE Poet sings On the PLAN,
The Trader tolls In the mar
one enyles the others gain,
one stares al the others Art
Yet each one reaches his goal
And the Critic sneers as they pass
Ana eacn Of the three In his soul
Believes tie other an ASS
-.ref tidi.s
More than Seven. Mabel Give
ils cake, aunte l know you've got one
III yorr basket Auntie tan early riser) ::
NO, dear, they are roses I've been gath
ering, and they wouldn't like being given
10 little girl who gets up so late i'll the
| morning Mabel Go Oh, auntie
they wouldn't mind they lays IN their
bed all day, when they gets chance,
and Eobody don't pick them "
A Young lady wrote some verses for a
/ paper about her birthday, and headed
them May Goth" 1t almost made her
halr turn gray when it appeared IN print.
My Both.
A reporter calls AT banking house
and takes notes and it's all right Along
| comes another fellow, takes some notes
and gets lugged for five years. This il
lustrates the privileges enjoyed by the
| press
! Amateur Coming 10 our concert, Mr.
Brown? Mr. Brown-Weli mo- think
not. AInateur-Why, | thought you
were fond of music Mr.. Brown Well,
yes You see that's where it ia. (Ama-
| teur would like to ASK him what he means,
but thinks ii best not to-
Yes | am to be married my dear
( friend. The Young lady is pretty and
very clever. yet she cannot play the
pisnoforte, that IL her only failing.
Why, | should call that blessing 1t
IS certainly ofault p ''Hear me through.
She cannot play the pianaforte and Yet
she always insists on playing
STORIES first heard at u mothers knee
are never wholly forgotten - Ruskin.
Bat rules Of conduct first enforced ut the
some place leave a far more vivid i'm
preston.
Mrs Coodie was telling Jane that the
potatoes had an oniony smell, when that
monster Coodle suggested that perhaps
they had been cooked III II saucepan with
n leak IN it,
Two female friends meet after II long
separation and exchange condolences
"Ycs, my dear ! have been n widow fol
sis months. "The same lucky womai
you always were"
ON a bread platter Well Austin, cai
You read that 2 "No, mamma. "Weli.
ii Is rather difficult Those are old Eng
lish letters. "Irc they? Then no won
; der the ancient Britons couldn't read o
write"
One of our religious contemporaries
remarks The editor of tins papc
! writes his editorials on his back. w
write ours om paper. 1t comes handler
for ~, and IL much more convenient fo
the printers. OJScrr'8.