davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
a Tarred Roof.

A man living in West End of Baltimore
recently had the flat roof of the l. of his
house tarred, and when six or seven cats
got on 1t the following night they could
yell and arch their backs and try TO get a
pull on all four feet at once, but they
couldn't lift themselves free and their
signing was frightful, and people in the
neighbOrhOOd began to chuck things at
them, and the owner Of the house forgot
about the tar and went barefoot and in his
robe dc mutt upon the roof TO chase them
of, ana pretty soon found he couldn't stir,
and he began TO whoop and swear, and a
policeman got ladder and climbed upon
the roof, and when he came up over the
edge, on his hands and knees, he had to
remain in that posture. Meantime the
boOtjacks were falling I'm shower about
and upon them, and the mans mother-in-
law, in looking out of an upper window
that overlooked the l. roof, TO ask them If
they were not ashamed 10 be out on roof
play ing cat at that time of night, unfort-
nuately Knocked her wig of, and IL fell i'm
the tar; and then she rushed down fight
AMI went out on the roof TO get IL, and
couldn't pull the wig up, but got her hand
stuck 10 II so she couldn't let go of IL, and
OF course her position and her bald head
made dead give away, ~ it was quite
light, when some one finally came with
boards TO put down ON the roof for them 10
be got on TO when they were cut loose from
the tar, and the old lady didn't feel a bit
worse than the policeman, who had TO
walk through the streets with the knees Of
his trousers cut out and left stuck ON the
roof aud great hunk Of tar stuck 10 each
hand, and got areprimand when he reached
the station. And the houseOwner himself
blistered his feet trying 20 melt the tar Off
of them by holding them up TO a hot stove,
and when the cats were cut loose from the
roof and put on the ground they tried 20
gnaw the tar from their claws and got their
paws stuck In their mouths and rolled
about and yowled and carried on 40 that
folks thought they were mad and killed
them
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
Fal.e Teeth ana Orntche..

Among the passengers who board ed the
east-bound train al Holly, Michigan, the
other day were bride and groom Of the
regular hOlly-hOck order Although the
car was full of passengers the pair began 10
squeeze hands and hug az soon az they
were seated This Of course attracted
attention, and pretty soon everybody was
nOdding and winkng, and several persons
~ far forgot themselves as 10 laugh out
right. BY and by the broad-sbouldered
and d-handed groom became aware Of
the fact that he was being ridiculcd. and
he unlinkcd himself % the height Of six
feet, looked up and down the aisle and
said There seems 10 be considerable
nOdding and winking around here because
I'm hugging the grl who was married 10
me at Z JclOck this morning. II the rules
Of this railroad forbid a man from hugging
his wife after he's paid full fare then I'm
going 20 quit, but II the rules don't and
this winking and blinking isn't bitten short
of when we pass the next mile-post, I'm
going TO begin on the front seats and create
a rising market for false teeth and
crutches' II there we're any more winks
and blinks In that car the groom didn't
catch 'em al II.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
UNSPOKEN.

l may not keep thee, dear | long have
An hour must come for farewell look and
sigh,
An hour wherein love blossoms that have
blown
Around our path. like summer flowers must
die.
And have cOmmunOd with my wEkefu
heart,
Aud thought OF al that would say to thee.
Ere baud and lip FROM hand and lip should
part.
Aud oceans roll between my love and me
But as we stand upon the moor to-day.
The gorse and purple hea her at our fee
have no spirit left in me To say
The words meant 10 be 20 strong aud sweet
No eloquepce to help ms at my need
No words OF fiIe to thrill my last q od-speed -
Yet standing th' 8 beneath september's sky.
With solitude around US. God above,
We feel, with precious moments fieeting by,
That silent farewell better suiteth love.
No honey, d phrase can ease the cruel smart
Felt with the stroke fate dealeth us to dav,
read each longing of they /, nder heart.
Thou knowst all would hut cannot say
do not bind thee by parting vow.
Thou speakest not OF faith u'ness to me
Ii IL enough to bo together now,
Ere yet between us rolls the mi hty sea
5 lent, alone among the moorlan fiowerS
Passeth the last of all our happy hours
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29

Waiting for the train NJ tho Northwestern
depot the other day, reporter heard Capt.
Bones, well-knOwn hunter, telling this
story 20 small but Interested audience,
composed Chcnyof Tom 81. George "Did
you ever hear how Bill Shepard rhOt seven
deer out Of one drovel IL was still, cloudy
day, and there were two feet OF more OF
snow on the ground. There were Just an
even dozen in the herd, and Bil had 20.
behind big log within ten rods Of them.
He had 10 snake n hole through the snow
on the log 10 get sight. lie got an ready,
picked out the biggest one. and bazed
away. II was a big buck, and dropped 10
the shot. We'll, you know If deer can't
see Or scent you he won't run, and you can
keep on shooting as long AZ you like. 50
when Bill dropped the first one the balance
just scattered and came right back together
again. lie showed Ia another cartridge,
picked out the biggest one again. and he
tumbled too. Bill put third cartridge
down. picked ont the biggest one again,
and he dropped ~ the shot By this time
Bill was pretty well excited lie had only
four more cartridges left hut kept as cool
as possible, picked ont the biggest every
time and fetched him. When he fired his
last shot, he sat and watched 'em
Tor long time but finally he had TO show
himself, and the balance Of the deer left.
II was just about this time the rest Of us
came mp and inquired what all the shoot
ing was about. Bill was feeling awfully
because he hadn't any more cartridges, but
he swOrc he'd got seven deer anyway, We
went over 10 see. The snow was nightly
tramped down, sure enough. bat there was
only one deer-a big buck. There wasn't
the least trace Of the other six, every one
Of which Bill saw drop TO the shot Then
we went mp and looked at the one he got,
and AZ sure az YOU'RE BORN he had seven
bullets IN him Bill had shot the same one
every shot. lie would fall, aud then, Jump
up again, and being the biggest enc, Bill
picked him out every time. OF course Il
must have been the last shot that settled
HIM, for therewas only one ball that would
have killed him
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
Disconsolnte.

One day recently, when trade was dull,
"A grocery clerk procured piece OF sole
leather from shoemaker, painted IL black
and LAID 1t aside for future Hse. Within a
few days an old chap from back i'm the
country came In and inquired for plug
of chewing tobaccco The piece of sole
leather was tied up, paid for, and the pur-
chaser started for home. At the end Of the
sixth day he returned, looking downcast
and detected, and walking into the store
he inquired for the clerk
Member that terbacker | got here the
other dayl"
"Ees, sir"
well was that new brand ~
Yea"
Irregular plug terbacker was it 2"
eyes.
'Well, tLen it's me. It's right here in
my jaws sadly replied the old man. 81
knowed | was getten purity old, but was
allus handy on btin' plug. never seen u
plug aforc this one that / couldn't tear to
pieces at chaw.. / sot my teeth on this
one and bit and pulled and twisted like a
dog at root, and I've kept biting and pull
ing for SIX days, and thar she am now, the
same as the day you sold her 10 me :"
Seems to be good plug" remarked
the clerk, as he smellcd of the counterfeit.
She's ali right; it's me that's falling ~
exclaimed the old man. ''Pass me out
some fine cut and I'll go home and deed
the farm 10 the boys and get ready for the
grave myself"
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29

weadY. We'd be disappointed il YOU
were not The ladies, YOU know, adore
wough and weady men. It's the particular
charm of Amewicans."
Away he led the bootmaker. who really
began 10 feel that he must have been, al
some period of his life, military man
And after being introduced 10 CAPTAIN
Hobbs as Ma jor de Boots, who was s.de-
lighted" found himself tetc-a-tete with y
very lovely young French lady, who ad-
dressed him as General de Buta. " and
whom, at the request Of his hostess. whom
he had never seen before, and who had no
idea who he was, he took down 10 supper.
Somehow this stranger in his mixed suit,
and with his sulky air, had been set down
as most eccentric aud distinguished mill
tary man by everybody. He was regarded
with attention, listened TO with reverence
when he condescended To say "A few words
The French lady introduced him volumin-
ously as General de Buta; and thus was
he addressed thereafter The walters of
fered him champagne frequently, and the
sootmaker gradually grew eXhileratcd
Never had he been present at such elegant
festivities Never had he partakcn of such
viands-been So overwhelmed with festivi-
on his arm. Never had he tasted such
VINE. At first il eXhilerated him. then il
mounted 10 his head, and suddenly il an
peared to him that his host was a glorious
fellow, and that he was under infinite obi
cations to him.
Doubling his fist, be brought il down
upon The table with crash that made the
glasses ring again.
Lott far I,a .,
cried he.
II agree with YOU, replied his nelghbor,
politely
"Ahl | adore such enthusiastic friend
ship, such lof like Damon and Pythias in
ze play, calculated the French lady.
''Hov original! How delightfully."- eccen-
trio! A perfect military man." whispered
others.
Meanwhile the bootmaker. staggering TO
his feet made his way, AS best he might,
toward his host.
"Cheatem, he cried, look here came"
here he reeled and caught at a table-.I
came to give you this-before every (hic)
everybody a"
And hc held out his folded bill, which
MIR. Cheatem instantly took.
Now II wouldn't (hic) do it-for-
for"
Mr.. Cheatem beckoned two waters.
"Dly dear old friend, he said, you're
not quite well. Let these men put YOU in
carriage, and go home I'll call on you
tomorrow. So glad to have seen YOU.
As for this-pooh pooh.
The walters led the bo0tmaker from the
room, after their host had whispered di-
recton TO be given the driver.
And Mr.. Cheatcm thus addressed his
friends
"lou must not think i'll OF my old friend
for this little lapse of his After the trials
of military life 1t is only TO he expected
that his habits should not be those of quiet
civilians, and It's his only weakness"
"CHe forgives everything in soldier"
remarked lady.
"a very ordinary failing for a military
man, responded a gentleman.
"Andto think the honest creature should
have remembered 80 slight an indebted
ness as this, and been so anxious about IL, &"
sighed MIR. Cheatem, as he put the shoe
makers receipted bill into his pocket.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
Moderate DrInking.

The colonel was warming his coat tail
by the frcin prominent saloon. His nose
bore evidence n successful culture, and
glowod with that rich ruby hue which only
steady and prolonged worship at the
shrine Of Bacchus can produce 10 perfection
There was dry look about the corners
Of his mouth, which was readily noticed bv
The sympthizing bar keeper, who good
naiurcdly asked the colonel II he would not
like q little siimulant
Certainly, certainly, sir" replied the
colonel promptly, AZ he briskly stepped up
20 the bar
Pouring ont a tumblor level full Of the
fluid, hc tossed It of, and soon az he a.
sumed a deprecatory tone, thus addressed
the bar keeper;
This, cir, is my sixty fourth drink to
day. must put on brakes or the first
thing know ] shall degenerate into excess.
Moderation, sir moderation, the graud Sc
cret Of health has been the rule Of my life.
III had but one more drink ut this moment.
Richard would be himself agaiu.
The subsequent remarks Of the bar.
keeper indicated that for all he cared.
Richard might remain lmpersoDsl un tbs
day Of judgment,
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
why He Would Not nuy.

He was a tall, thin man who hadn't been
shaved for probably two weeks. His ha,
had holes in the top of it, his clothes shone
like placid lake at sun rise and how his
shoes managed 10 stay ON was known only
To themselves. lie ambled up the narrow
stairs and into Mr.. Margraves law Office.
The lawyer was sitting in hiy chair chew
ing ON his pcnholdcr.
lis MIR. Margrave in :" inquired the ped
dlcr.
Yes, sur" was the reply, Il ann he.
''Ah yes, responded the hcud, retlec-
lively, rs Inc rubbed his chin with his
knuckles, III you are at leisure, the Mell-
huous Morning Glory OF the Apponines
would like moments audience. -
Certainly, certainly responded the
man of law take scat Now. then.
state your ease. Is ii divorce YOU
come"
"No sir. Oh no, its"
Assault and battery presume, quietly
lnterposed the lawyer, as he picked up his
pen to make memorandum.
''Oh no. you are wrong" smilingly re-
piled Mellitluous Morning Glory of the Ap-
pen mes. "l just came in here 10 have YOU
examine IA salve I'm selling. Ii ~ com
posed entirely of vegetable matter and IL
made 10y myself only and is called the Aro-
matte Soul of Mignonette 1t Is Just the
thing you want. Ii IL as necessary IA
overshoes OF course, do not mean for
moment To insinuatc that it will keep
your feet warm or keep water out of your
boots; was only speaking mctaphorical-
~. You tumble to my metaphor, eh.
eyes SIR"
'Wcll now, here is box-a nice little
hlnp Nyh -.
thing for one Of your children when il il
empty. 1t is only twenty five cents per
box and this is genuine See my sigma
turc."
"Yes."
'Wcll, that's satisfactory Now that we
understand each other wen just get down
To business. Now how many boxes will
you take ~
While the lawyer was thinking. the can
vasser continued:
''Ihere is no doubt OF the virtue of this
great healer. II will cure chapped lips in
one night. i have known il To close up
cracks in door and OH one occasion n
woman put some on her lips and il drew
them together and closed her mouth Her
husband came down next day and reward
Ell me handsomely. | have testimonials
from lots OF ministers and prominent men
Here the lawyer chewed ON his pen
handle in revery and enquired:
"liavc you letter recommending your
salve from the man who sawed Courtney's
boats in too2"
81 have not.
Then sir, can't purchase anything
from you. When | buy salvc, 1t has got
to be endorsed by the man who sawed
Courtneys boats.
Yes, responded the fiend savagely ns
he backed towards the door, "you are one
of them lads what always finds fault and
won't be satisfied. You're healthy man
you are. You wouldn't buy box of
pills unless IL had set of Legislative reso-
lutions and schedule of the dates of the
deaths Of all the famous people for the past
two centuries attached to it,"
u Then he slammed the door and went
down stairs.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
shn.Ing rhslr Rotations.

One Of the most remarkable things
noticeable IN social life is the unanimity
with which people shake their relatives.
Recently gentleman arrived In Carson
with letter Of Introduction 10 one Of our
leading citizens from the citizen's uncle.
After the Carsonite read the letter he re-
marked:
''Glad to see you, SIR. Glad to see any
body who knows my uncle in Cleveland
How arc all the folks2"
Splendid. ] spent six weeks there
last fall, and don't really think ever met
such a fine family Of genial, hospitable and
cultivated people"
"Yes2"
eyes, indeed never spent plcasanter
time in my life. Your relatives are, indeed.
the
well, young man. If my relatives are
such fine people they must have changed
like thunder since ! lived with them there
a year, and think they are about the
worst pelicaus in the deck. / wouldn't
spend a month with the crowd for the
whole town Of Cleveland"
'Indced, said the other "WeH, since
you've been % candid about u ! might as
well remark right here that your uncle and
his whole family are the toughest collect
ticn Of old fossils ] have ever had the mis-
fortune 70 be steercd against"
Put 1t there, young mau--yOu show
good sense. Letsgo cut and take some
tblng
In few minutes more the two men
were pledging perdition to the Cleveland
relatives over a fOamiog schooner Of Carson
hesr
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
The sheep's sense OF Hearing.


IL is said 80 acute Is the Sleeps sense of
hearing that she can distinguish the cry
OF her own lamb among as many as a
thousand others blcating at the same time ::
and the lamb, too, is able TO recognize its
mothers voice even though il be In the
midst of a large flock james Hogg, who
was shepherd as well as poet, tells as
that 1t was very amusing to watch the
sheep and lambs during the shearing sea
son. While the sheep were being shorn
the lambs would be- put into fold by
themselves, and the former would be sent TO
Join their little ones as soon az the opera-
tion OF shearing was over The moment a
lamb heard its mothers voice II would has
ten from the crowd 10 meet her, but instead
Of finding the trough well-clad cJmforta-
bic mamma which it had left short time
before, 1t would meet strange and most
deplOrable looking creature. At the sight
OF this IL would wheel about. uttering the
most piteous cry Of despair, and pc, haps
run away. Soon, however, the sleeps
voice was heard again, the lamb would
thereupon return, then once more bound
away, and sometimes repeat this conduct
for ten or dozen times before IL fully un-
derstOod that the shorn eve was in reality
its mother.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29

II you invite friends 10 pass a week or
more with you, try 70 fix the visit TO begin
the day after the ironing is done. Your
girl feels weight of her mind, has time
10 cook tho meals better, and you will find
her much more willing attendant upon
yOut guests Do not have beefsteak for
dinner on washing or ironing days-ar-
range 20 something You can roast in the
oven, or else have cold meat DO not have
fried or boiled fish. The smell sticks. and
your clothes will not be sweet; besides, the
broilcr and fryingpan takes longer -
clean. As for vegetables, do not have
spinach, peas, string beans, or applesauce.
as these good things take time to prepare,
and can be avoided az well ~ not. II is
asked what 10 have, let me suggest baked
white OF sweet potatoes, m6carOni, boiled
rice, parsnips. sweet corn, stcwed toma-
toes, any canned vegetables In the winter.
For dessert, baked apples and cream, bread
pudding. or something easily prepared
The lady Of the house will find II both
pleasant, easy and ecOnmical TO attend TO
the dessert herself. Neither do we call
busting work, and strongly advise her 10
all she can Of it. OF course there is much
that a lady must do about her house 10
70 have Il neat and attractive, but we do not
call this actual work. II Ia rather laying
The hand Of taste and adoption upon her
belongings, and so making her home harm.
OniOus and individual.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
The FITeside.

The fireside is a seminary OF infinite i'm
portance. IL is important because It is uni
yersal, and because the education il be-
slows, woven in with the woof of child
mood, gives form and color TO the whole
texture of life. There are few who can
receive the hOnors of college, but all are
graduates Of the hearth. The learning of
the university may fade from the recollec-
ton, its classic lore may moulder in the
halls of memory; but the simple lessons of
home, enamelled upon the hearts OF child
hood, defy the rust Of years, and outlive
tho more mature but less vivid pictures of
after days. So deep, 80 lasting, indeed,
are the impressions of early life, that you
often see a man in the imbecillty OF are
holding fresh in his recollection the events
OF childhood, while all the wide space be.
tween that and the present hour is a blasted
and forgotten waste. You have, perchance.
seen an old and half Obliteraied portrait.
and In the attempt TO have It cleaned, and
restored seen II fade away, while brighter
and much more perfect picture, painted
beneath, is revealed 10 view This portrait
first drawn upon the canvas, is no inapt
illustration Of youth and though il may
be concealed by some after design, still the
original traits will shine through the out
ward picture, giving II tone while fresh,
and surviving II in decay. Such Is the fire
side-the great institution furnished by
Providence for the education Of man.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
How the Fooier was Fooled.


A party on the West Hill did not make
much by foOling his wife. When he went
home late, waiting until after twelve
O'Clock so as to play the joke, he rang the
door bell. and answered "April fool" when
she appeared at the door. Hiswife laughed
over the joke, and il was soon forgotten.
Aboat two o'clock in the morning our
friend was awakened by his wife, who in
formed him that there was something
wrong with the horse at the barn. She
Held the lamp while he went out 10 see.
As soon as he had gone a short distance. hc
''smelled mice" and returned to find the
door locked. Heknocked, pounded, kicked.
but it did no good. lie went around TO the
bedroom window and could hear his wife
breathing regularly, as though quietly
sleeping. He could not go down town for
he was en- dishGbiiie. Finally, tapping
on the window he gently called
'Dearl D
"Yes."
'Iet me in a"
"Will you promise never to try TO April
fool me again Z
yes
"Will you get me that new bonnet"
"Yes.p
There was a turning Of bolts, and the
man, who had gone home happy with the
thought Of fooling his wife, passed IN and
retired But we will wager that the
party who informed us will die if he is
found out.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29

DURN0 mild weather sheep should
not be kept I'm too warm pens, but
should be given the run OF the BAN
yard In the daytime.
The King Of Slam has turned twen-
ty-four
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1880-08-07

l0ux de l'aptOrit6 CONNIE de son
Omhre.
II ne fit rien paraitre d.abotd
SEES sentiments d'animosite contre
Balboa, ct lie traifa meme dams
les commandments avec une alta
billie a laquelle le c9ur gen6reux
dc celul,ci laissa prendre.
A COntinuer. .
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1880-08-07
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

- s; T. T.! ~: 4: ~ Ss!: s;sse! s : :ss :! =; = r. }!!i t.:
E; e. ;5 : s: e. ;5;$: &C.; 4 81; 90; : T. e. :: e.; :: !:
!: so :! e: %ssis !sss Z q y "! !ssi ssS 3 :. : s: :s;:3 :5 ~
:: !: =: !: ! :; !: :; !; :: :: :; :, :; :! =: :: :; :; :; !; :: ]: ]: 9! : :: :: :; :; 5; ::
:';;;;i .: - !!s = z! =; Z -! : :! = f : ::
To preVenf 4 return Of f6oae s7mnfoma ma tn
saPse.o-.a as seys1s a a.y.: 49,
ymoes ~ M9rrex 9!reet1 N: U:
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1880-08-07
PLANT

Les personnes desirant acheter du planr
d'Oranger vOudrOnt bien s'adressera Veto
Pave, cutoff on d H. H. Michclet, Thibo
daux.