Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-03-26
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A RICR THING ABOUT EDITORS
"Editors are usually wealthy" the man
with the sample case remarked:
''Yes," I said, ''they are familiar with
all the slang and business phrases of the
money market; they write about millions
as ordinary men talk about dollars; they
build railroads; they organize mining and
magnificent transportation companies with
fabulous capital; they declare dividends
without consulting the Rothchilds,
and if all the banks in America
were to fail tomorrow they wouldn't
be q cent poorer than they are
to-day. Yes, they are rich. They associ-
ate with the monied classes; they sit down
at tables with kings, and sometimes. in
happier, luckier moments, with aces; if You
want to borrow money, go to the editor,
he will turn to his advertising columns
and tell you where you can borrow it.
If you have money to loan, rather than
see you suffer he will borrow it OF you him.
self. Rich He knows the secrets of the
monied rings; be divulges the plans and
schemes of the heavy operators to the peo-
pie: he roars himself louder than the bulls,
and growls among the bears; his voice is
heard in the temples of the money-chang-
ers, asking for money; he MARBLES with
his little roundelay out on the curb-stone
in melancholy minor key, when he
doesn't get it. Oh, yes. editors are rich.
When you want to spend all thu money
you have in this wide, wide world, go to
your lawyer; when you want something
done for nothing, 60 to your newspaper
Office. Then, when you want to send a
man to Congress, send your lawyer, be-
cause you can get along without him." /
I paused, and profound, impressive 81
lsnce flld my ear like dream Of peace.
looked around upon my audience. It was
asleep. Burdette.
No Loss OF CoNFIDENcE.-A.De Detroit
grocer had patent money-drawer attach
ed to his counter the other day, and it was
no sooner in working order than his clerk
rendered his resignation.
'You going to leave? Why, what's the
matter 7" asked the grocer.
ST don't want to stay where person
has lost confidence in me.''
s'Do you refer to this new till! -
ayes"
"Well, you are very foolish. haven't
lost the least bit Of confidence in your hon
esty. but I simply argue that f.you had
less change to squander outside could
have more of your time in the store. Loss
of confidence! The idea is absurd -
The satisfied clerk took off his hat and
returned to duty, Detroit Free Press.
A lady living near Baltimore who is very
deaf, stopped milkman as be was passing
the house the other day, asked him how
much he charged for q quart of milk, and
then put up her ear-trumpet to catch the
reply. The man drew quart Of milk and
emptied it into the trumpet, and the re-
suit has been that he has to 60 three miles
out Of his way to keep out of sight of the
lady's son, who sits on the front porch
waiting for him to pass. 81
A certain lawyer was compelled to apol-
ogize to the court. With stately dignity
he rose in his place and said, your Hon.
or is right and I am wrong. as your Honor
generally ISL There was dazed look in
the judges eye, and he hardly knew
whether to feel happy or fine the lawyer
or contempt of cOurt.''
"How far is it to Cub Creek z" asked a
traveller of a Dutch woman.
'OnIy shoost little vays.'
''Is it four, six, eight or ten miles 2" i'm
patiently asked the stranger.
"Yas, dink it ISL serenely replied the
nnmoved gate-keeper.
A lady told her little son, who was teas
ing for something to eat, to wait until
breakfast. With tear in his eye, he
burst out:
81 jest honestly sometimes think you're
step-mother.' a
s'Some more cheese;' said small boy of
eight to his papa at dinner. mo, my
child" was the reply Of the prudent pa
rent; ''you have already had enough. When
! was child had to eat my bread and
smell my cheese" ''Well.'' said sonny,
t'please give me piece to SMELL
kissing the baby may result in deform-
ing its nose and bringing on near-sighted.
ness. The safest way is not to kiss baby
of the feminine persuasion until it attains
the age of sixteen years. The cartilage Of
the nose is much stronger then.
A veracious exchange declares that mos
oultoes tore up ninety-four miles of rail-
road in New Jersey last year. Consider
ing the number Of sleepers on railroad
this is not surprising.
Another of those things that no fellow
can find out is. why mans wife thinks
he cares nothing for preserves and other
choice dainties save when she has ''com-
pany" for supper. 5i~1
It very frequently happens that the girl