The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-01-29
PASSING SMILES.

home at the same time. 10 sI45f xsase9 x
A MAN refused b, be treated by AZ
physician the other day. But suppose
it had been a saloonist?
WHOM the gods would destroy they
first give revolver and tell him to carry
it in his oyercoat pocket. i.R vs7zs
EDIsoN's electric light will never be
popular with unmarried young men and
woman-you can't turn it down. 4.-a
IF an angel should call upon the
average scissors fend he would clip its
wings and pass them off as his own. A
fact.
A SUNDAY school boy was asked if his
father was a Christian. He replied,
Yes, but he is not working much at
it," ssaf - eds 10 a7 i'sasss
A MELANCHOLY case of suicide--A
naughty little boy, having been threat
ened with q whipping, Immediately hung /.
his head lse ss 17
OLD BILKINs denounces the handsome
costumes of his daughters as 'tcussed
foolishness and the height of peacocki-
ication.'
AN Indianian said to a young man
who chafIed him upon his bald head:
Young msn, Awben my head getsxs soft
as yours can raise hair to sell. sF
"I HAVE theory about the dead
languages" said a new student. What
is it, asked the professor. That they
are killed by being studied too hard"
]. N. Is. in, town. Gincinnat Times.
Amt you mistaken? "N" is in "town,
and so are st' and SOP and saw," but no
ssj' that we can find. gsa sssHsrd bss
: ONE would not think there was any !
thing. wrong in hurriedly reading the
morning papers, yet it is scan dailies
piece of business. =
l. 1TG BUSTED, busted, busted GNei SIS
By inSY silS aduS sIey oa5g ssG1fs So.2o. ssa
ltsAtes "A dollar until Tomorrow, 81 tss.s.
How happy would be- ~sssst sA-4sss
PRoFEssoR- Can you multiplycon-
crete numbers together !" The class
all uncertain. Professor" What will
be the product of five apples multiplied
by six potatoesf" Pupil (triumphantly) 9
- Hash. ASH q ss a 8a.'s ~ GO 81
/ HANEN'T you been surprised this year
by the "little bilfs'' that come in three
times as big as you expected and ten
times ias many of m2--NA Registcr.
Surprised. mani Nay; we have been
dumbfounded! tse'--.z ....as
yiSpIsoDE in Paris restaurant: "Here,
waiter, I asked you for vim ordinaire at
/ one frame fifty centimes the bottle, as it :
1 is marked on the list, and you charge me :
4 two francs fifty. You have made mis-
take. ]" The wine has gone up since 8
/ you commenced dinner, a9a lsa 2
DID you everinotice a poor chap W Tho 6
stands in the first picture of the almanac
with the fish and sheep and scorpions
and bulls and twins, etc., around him
Did you ever notice that he was naked
and had nothing in his stomach? Well,
that fellow used to edit paper.
He entered car, when brakeman
come inside and took key out of his
pocket, unlocked the stove, put in some {
wood and locked the door again, and he
.keal hin, What7l Ice ed the stove
door for Ta5 brakeman shut his left
eve and said he locked the door 80 the
fire couldn't go out: -------.----- --------
THE Syracuse Times, in reply to q cor
respondent who wants to know what to
4 do with a hard corn on the toe, says:
!" Take it off and let q blacksmith pound
/ it on mis- anvil for half an hour. Sue
cess will be complete. It is somewhat
expensive, but it never fails to, soften
the corn. 4sss< -
D1KrY days hath September eTfs
n April, June and November Ia 4.
II From February until May, @ss&
And all the rest have thirty y-one,
q Without one blessed gleam of sun.
And any of them had two-and-thirty,
They'd be just as wet and twice IS dirty.
ADMIRERS of the beautiful get up at
five O'Clock in the morning, in clear
weather, to see the planet Venus which
is now looking its very best. Springfield
Republic. And the admires of the more.
beautiful, Follower at five O'Clock in the
morning and snooEe away and wish it ).
was a week till breakfast.
INcENTIvEs to matrimony: You
ought to marry" Never" II know
the very girl. p s1s Let me alone" "She
is young.' g Then she is sly" Beauti.
!. good family" "a Then she is. proud. .
!, 1Tender-hearted. -. !" Then she is jeal-
, ous.' :" She has talent" .tThen she is.
conceited." oAnd fortunen Twill
take her." ~ l''s" Ass%4.is lse sAsiifs''s4
REAL seal skin caps cause the wearer
to become prematurely bald in ONE
: fourth of the time of the imitation
5 article. (Of course this isn't so, but 1t
; would be much better for US, poor fell
lows if such an idea could become preya.
lent )-Rockland Courier. Oh, that's
i too thin, you can't make us believe an
editor ever thought of buying his wife a
seal skin cap when sun bonnets are 50
cheap.
NOT long ago an Irishman applied TO
an overseer in 9 Tyne shlpyard 70 oe
put on to a Job. He was informed that
!, he could not comply with his request;
| but as Pat continued to gaze earnestly at
: an anchor which was lying in the vicin-
!, ity, the foreman repeated his reply that
there was no work for him, and advised
him to go away. "Divil bit will /
. storr, sorr,'a replied Pat, till see the
: man that's going to use that pick !"