Richland beacon., 1880-03-20
PASSING; SMILES.
sTUCK-rP thing-a show-bill.

A sTUCK-UP thing-a show-biil.
SrRIHG-HALT-May 3l-midnieht.
SPARE-EIBs-the sealed wives oi
Utah.
OLd ocean INDUCES in storms merely
for wreck-creatiOn.
LET'S see; it isn't quite time for the
first divorce in the Oneida Community.
Four thousand bills are pending III
Congre>s.
CHILDREN and brass bands, in their
extreme youth, don't amount to much
without tutor.
sNow lame me-" as the pedestrian
remarked when he stumbled on bit OF
ice.
IN diamonds, sOlitaires are fashion
able. but when it comes to buckwheat
cakes let US have clusters
BY all means let us have free salt.
| Some lazy people might learn their
! salt" if it was little cheaper.
THE toe of an enemy's boot will often
do more to raise man into prominence
than the hands of dozen good friends.
"THE men of to-day are too high
strung" says Chicago paper. Some OF
them are not strung high enough
THE brook, YOU know: flows on for
ever. Sometimes it seems as if a law
suit was trying to see the brook and go
it one better.
The lisping Christian thus defended
her pronunciatiOn: "DOthn't our
minither direct our thepth in the mar.
row path? Ithn't he, then. our pather!"
No matter how finely dentists par
lor is furnished, no one cares to take
seat in his drawing-roOm This is good
Joke. but it is tooth in to draw.
WE have had one Ofer, but the lady
couldn't promise to support us in the
luxury to which we have been accus-
temed.-Boston Post.
A COMMERCIAL report says: The
fall of leather causes an uneasy feeling
in hides" We have often remarked
this in youth while laying across the
maternal knee.
A MINISTER who regards kissing as
, an essential part OF saving grace, should
kiss his lawfully appointed wife, and
tell her to pass it arouLd among the
, congregation.
WHEN a man becomes the father OF a
sixteen wear old daughter, he commences
he period of his life when the toes Of his
boots wear out before the heels become
italicized.
THE beauty of Sunday collections on
, the envelope plan is that you can knock
the plate out of the collectors hard as
easy with copper cent as you can with
silver half dollar.
"Did YOU ever know such me
chanical genius as my SOM" asked an
old lady. L" He has made fiddle out OF
his own head, and he has wood enough
for another"
INDIGNANT wife-"If had known
YOU we're coming home in this condi-
lion. I should have gone home to my
fathers" Inebriated husband" Hlc-
would you? I'm awf sorry didn't shend
you wOrd-hic."
"DEAR Louise. don't let the men
come too near you, when courting.
ooh, no, dear ma. When Charles Is
here we always have one chair between
U.S." Mother thinks the ansWsr Is
rather ambiguous.
In the midst of life some men do all
! the evil they can, and when they die the
, papers tell lies about them at the rate
. Of fifty cents per line.
!, BEFORE.
THE cheerful fire brightly burns,
. The gas bill keep accruing,
a The maiden fair new lessons learn,
The ardent youth neer homeward turns,
And onward speeds the wooing
AFTER.
The hickering fire feehly burns,
The time has passed Tor wooing;
, The faded wife new lessons learn,
The husband seldom bomeward turns,
And onward speeds the ruling:
;, -Hackeasdck Republican.
> AN Albany woman brings suit against
II q telephone company for trespass II
a putting its wires on the roof OF he
.. building. 1t isn't the trespass, howeve
r that troubled her SO much as the lac
:, that there is gossip going on over he
y head that she cannot get hold OF.