The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-04-08
BRIL'-A-DRdE.

Where there's will there's q
won't.
"A Canadian paper suggests M
excise duty Oh ice. They will be tax
ing air next.
-"Put no fulsomc compliments on
my tombstone" said wag. "Don't
give ME any epitaffy."
This world without woman-love-
ly woman--is like Il blank sheet of
papcr-not even ruled.
An Evergreen, Ala, darkcy takes
Il handful of guano whenever he is i'll
and is cured instantly.
1t is very easy to recollcct an ac-
trcss' age. Get it once fixed in your
mind, and you've got it forever.
"A writer on physiognomy wants
to know, "if large cars denote gener-
oslty. why mule squanders his hind
legsT
Professor: "Will you mention
some liquid that is lighter than watcrr'
"Alcohol." Professor: "Can YOU men,
ton any other with which YOU arc ta-
miliarW Junior immediately searches
for club.
"A Hancock sboom" has been start
ed at Annapolis, Md. A circular has
been sent to every member Of the Leg
lslature, giving IIamcock's record aud
his claims on the Democratic party for
recognition.
When the Prince Of Wales son is
ordered alott by the captain he mental
ly remarks: "This is nv grandmoth-
cr's ship, and it madcs my back ache
to climb that pole, and ain't going TO
do it only this once"
Tho Vanderbilt interest has been
able to 90 about rs it pleased in New
York, but it has not yet acquired a
6"ne. Perhaps Mr.. Vanderbilt has an
aversion to taking second mortgages.
-Ha'Ffo.W Courunt.
"A Bridgeport woman unconsc GUS
ly went to church last Sunday with
two hats on her hcad-omo inside OF
the othcr-and q score or more OF 9TH
CT women came very near expiring
with envy before the error was dis
covered. They thought it was new
style Of hat.
1t is related Of the negroes who
helped to construct the lighthouse on
st. Simon's Island, Ga, that when a
vessel was wrecked they ran to the
10 'ShottoS hCtJGl MHSSu,
we got nm-wc got uni" They
thought that the light was intended as
q dccOy-tO lure vessels OH the coast.
Love laughs at locksmiths. Mis-
trcss: "Cook, it's very strange, but I
always fancy can hear subducd con-
versation in the kitchen on Susan's
night out" Cook: "Oh, dear inc,
mem, bcggim' your pardng. mem !;
| which ;t,c H,o q ,J;,,,. ~, n:,...:, '
Progress to myself aloud, mcm.'5
"A TowanCa, Pa, sign reads thus {:
"JoEn Smith, teacher ofcowtillions aud
other danccs-gammar taut in the neat
est manncr-frcsh salt herrin on draft
likewise Goodfrey's cordiial-rutcs
sassagc and other garden truck. n. .B
-Bawl on friday nitc-praver meet
ing chcusday-also saline singing by
the quire."
An article upon the human figure
says that ''the proportions OF the figure
arc six time tho length of the feet"
Coming generations, when shall cXca-
vate aChicago young lady's shoe, will
remark incontincntiy: "Therc were
giants in those days." and mentally
| re- reconstruct & race Of women ten feet
a ltcadYh1o''ye7yY.o1J' 'coII exp; i;iuIiit,,
| va t'iC OF SUNDAY,
says that there were over one hundred
saloons open, most Of the stores do
Il brisk business, and it is the chief
amusement day in all other RESPECTS,
Nota Chinaman is allowed to cain
toothold III that city under pain ct be-
ing Instantly strung up.
"A famous judge came late to court
One day in busy season:
Whcrcat his clerk in great surprise,
inquired Of him the reason.
"a child was born," his Honor said,
"And I'm the happy sire"
can infant judgc?" ooh, no, said he,
LAS yet he's but cric"."
"A stylish woman entered the GAL
lcry of George Elliott, photographer
Mt Columbus, Ohio, the other day and
asked to have the picture Of her baby
taken. The baby was placed i'm DO
sitlon before the camera and the pho
tographcr went to work. The woman
slipped out and away, and the baby is
still on the photographers hands.
"A New Hampshire woman has
husband who is addicted to joining
secret societies. One of her exaspcra-
tea outbursts is thus reported by the
Manchester Mi,ror: "JincI He'd limo
anything. There can't nothing come
along that's dark and sly and hidden,
but he'll jine it If anybody should Get
up q society to burn his house down
ac.d Jlnc it just as soon as he could get