, 1880-08-16
Wit and HumOr.

Is it wrong to take any one in when it
rains?
Can "the stich" be said to be wo-
mans ailment
When thing flashes upon fellow,
is he always struck by it?
Is it quite right to describe the mar
riage tie as q woman s bow ideal?
Can aims for the sick and wounded
be said to be the contraband of war?
Should common soldier, who has
been in the ranks long time, be
afraid to meet an excise officer because
he's praUate StiN?
The house-fy, if in good health. can
lay 20 600 eggs in season. The Dan
bury Ne,cs thinks it a pity fly can't
be grated on hen.
Long Branch has beautiful beach,
yet Brooklyn has Beecher.-Neao
York Meas. And it is hard to tell
which is the most attractive to the
ladies'.
Said u new man at the cider press: II
shall be able to get along all right as
soon as [ get my hand in" But when
he got his hand in " and had two of
the fingers mashed, he changed his
mind.
JOHN" said schoolmas:er, you
will soon be man, and you will have
to do business do you suppose
you Will do when you have to write
letters, unless you learn to spell bet
| ter q On, sir, | shall put easy words
in them"
Intelligent servant, Bridget, to caller:
viii ye kape still u minute while !
look at ye? No, Misses hain't at homo.
She told me ii woman came with
wart on the end of her nose, to say she
wan t at home; and there's no mistaking
that wart.''
Friend" say, when are you going
to pay me that sovereign I lent you?
Mind, shan't ask you for it again.
lmpecunious -" You won't? Now,
that's what 1 call real friendship.
say. haven't you such thing as-'
Creditor rushes of Judy.
A victim of domestic infelicity, who
is in the habit of dreaming, should nev
er go to sleep in church. A con yrega
I ton near Quincy, Ill, was somewhat
| startled last Sunday when venerable
member excitedly yelled, " Here, now,
| drop that skillet, old woIaanl'
"Our members of Congress ought to
be arrested as counterfeiters, ex-
claimed old Colone, Bullet, as he threw
down his paper. Why so ?" meekly
asked his wife. because they're con-
s;antly getting up bad bills and pass
ing EN-, answered the colonel.
"Is there any opening here for an
intellectual writer?' asked seedy,
red nosed individual of an editor.
g Yes, nay friend," remarked the man
| foreseeing your visit, left an opening
for you. Turn the knob to the right"
man who wanted to see the rich
proprietor of large store, being told
that he was somewhere about among
the clerks asked, " How shall dis
tinguish him from the rest ?" By his
shabby clothing; he is the worst
dressed man in the lot." was the reply
Uncle, what is the hardest lesson you
ever had to learn p asked young lady
of veteran statesman known for his
strong preiudices. THAT the man
who differs with me, not only in opin-
ions but in principles, May be as sin
cere and honest as l am" was the re-
ply.
"Oh, yes,' sobbed boy to his
mother, when he returned from pri
vate interview with his father" Oh,
yes; you take great pains to make sis
wear her hat when she goes out of
doors, for fear she'll get tanned, but
you don't care bit how much pa tans
mel"
The editor of the Wisconsin Banner
says: Wednesdays mail brought to
us letter addressed Rev. another
the Hon. another 'Col.,' one Mr.,
and the last ESD On the way to
dinner We accidentally stepped on a
woman's trail, aud she addressed US
thus: You brute.'"
A correspondent asks us how dogs
should be clipped. AS this is the sea
son when dogs are clipped, we give the
recipe in full: First ootain dog;
then get good large hickory club.
Prepare your dog by tying him to a
post, and then clip him over the head
with the club about 500 times.
Yes said fresh girl at show,
"I know my beau goes out between
acts, but he's nice, and never drinks
anything but cap of coffee, because l
can always smell it as plain as day, and
L know the smell of coffee from beer or
whisky, if am little bit green" 1t
is very happy thing for young man
} to have girls confidence.
AIRY" Phew!" (the weather was
, warm, and they had walked some dis
|. tancel U Bring us q hnttla q, eha