The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-02-20
vARIE' fIEs.


Which Is the left side of rom,d
plum pudding? That which is not cut
en-,
He said he wanted her TO be his help
mate, and she replied that she could
never be more than assister to him.
Ayoung lady at a social gathering
the other evening, wished that Satan
had the man who sat on her satin bon
net.
We have heard of some people who
say they could live on music. Then
it must be ON note meal.-[Salem Sun
beam.
1t does mot by any means follow that
man will at least larn to keep his
word because he finds that nobody will
take it.
"Ahw exclaimed good old Deacon
Stebbins, as he gazed at the skeleton of
a iackass, 1--WE are fcarfully and wonder
fully made.
A watering-placo belle thinks that a
paragraph about her should be like a
good cigar: that is, have good many
pufls in it.
A philosopher says: "You require in
marriage precisely tho same quality
that you would in eating sausages abb
solute confidence.
Some females have been arrested in
Kentucky for the manufacture of Illicit
whisky. This is the first recorded in.
stances of a woman keeping still.
A Virginia girl knocked a policeman
down and sat on him the other day.
Since then he has gone in heavy for
abolishing the bele-punch in that state.
A mules head docs not contain a
brain capable of culture, refined rear
| ing, but it is wonderful to what all OK
tent the other end of his form can b
reared.
The latest thing in India shawls is an
embroidered spine mp the middle of the
shawl, so that it looks as though the
wearer's backbone was showing clear
through.
A Pennsylvania Germans last act was
TO drink lager and his last word was
"bier." If he had RETAINED from drink
ing, he might have lived to good old
age. AS it was, he died at the age of
| 101.
A work on etiquette says 'thcre is
too much promiscnous kissing in tho
country" 1t is hard to understand
why so many youths want to leave the
farm and try their fortunes in the big
cities.
AT q Colorado restaurant: Guest, |
called for mutton-chop and you've CIV
en- me beef-steak and tough at that!
Waiter: Well, you'll cat it, all same,
you blamed tendcrfoot, or I'll wear il
out on you.
The New York Star notes as singu-
lar fact that a new silk handkerchief
will struggle up from the deepest breast
p ocket into the light of day and lingcr
there, while the soiled cotton one sulks
at the bottom, making only now and
then hasty sally into the open air.
A teacher in New York state school
recently electrified her pupils, who
were annoying her with questions, by
excaiming: "childrcn, am engaged"
Noticing the general look of astonish-
! ment, she added, "but not to any fool
of man." and the excitement died
away.
There is a well.known law in phios-
ophy that two bodies cannot occupy the
same place at the same time. And yet
in reckless defiance of this principle,
there are reckless young men who will
persist in keeping the same chair that
contains their. sweetheart. So we are
informed.-lRockland Courier.
In little family discussion, the other
day, the madam remarked, somewhat
tartly: "When marry again" eli
suppo you will marry fool" inter-
ruptcd the husband. "Beg your par
dom" said she, al shall do nothing of
the kind. | prefer a changew The
lord and master wilted.
An exchange has the following obser-
walton: We always get mad when we
walk along street about lime O'Clock
and passing shady porch where
young man is bidding his beloved good
night, we hear the girl exclaim in a
loud whisper, 40, stop, George, You
haven't shaved.
Two lovers stroll in the glinting gloam-
His hand in hcr'n and her'n in his;
She bushes deep, he is talking biz;
They hug and pop us they listless roam
They roam
lis late when they get back home.
Down by the little wicket gate
Down where the creepul IVY grows,
Down where the sweet naslnrtum blows. |
A boxtoed parent lies in wait
In walt
For the maiden and her mate.
Figaro.
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