The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-11-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

The beehive is the poorest thing in
| the world to fall back on.
There is some good left in the world
| after all. The man who invented
spotted stockings lost money on them.
A little girl, noticing the glittering
| gold filling in her aunt's front tooth,
exclaimed: "Aunt Mary, I wish /
had copper toed teeth like yours"
There is n fortune i'm store for the
genius who shall produce boiler-i iron
shoe for the small boy. Something
warranted to last two weeks is what
is wanted. -.
Two ladies meet. SAYS No. i:
"Why, do you know what i heard
about your "Pve no idea" al heard
thatlwllen your husband was sick and
mot expected to live you went to q
picnic" "It's vile SANDER; it was
only all excursion"
Boarding house chicken soup can be
made, it is said by hanging up a hen
in the sun SO that her shadow shall
fall into pot of salt and water. The
only trouble is that on a cloudy day
the soup is liable to be weak.
A gentleman who married widow
complained to her that hc liked his
beef well done. "Ahl l thought I
was cooking for Mr.. Brown said
she, che liked his rare. But, darling,
1 will try and forget the poor dear
Troy Times. s~-,.t-.
A gentleman saw an old darkcy
down on Galveston wharf fishing.
"What luck, unclc?" he asked. 'No
luck at all, boss. Fish is gittin' skur-
ser and skurscr ebcry yeahr." Then
they used to be more plentiful?"-
"You bet dey was. In 1912 cotchcd
i'll Galveston bay sometimes fiftv red
fish in an hour, and when dlr wasn't
any III sh at all dar, neber cotchcd less
than twenty five"
1t is well to look at all sides of a
subject before you indulge in all opin-
ion. Curran once said to Father
Lcary: 81 wish, reverend father, that
you were St. Peter, and had the keys
of Heaven, because then you could let
me in.'' The shrcwd and witty priest
saw the sarcasm, and turned its sharp
cd .e on the skeptic by replying: ''By
my hOnorand conscience, sir, it would
be better for YOU that l had the keys
of the other place that I could let you
out."
She wept, the poor laundress, OH re-
turning five shirts, where her patron
had intrusled her with six. and coll
fessed that she had burned hole in
the shirt while ironing. "Never
mind," says the customer kindly
s.Christmas comes but once a year, and
that will be all right. How much do
owe you?" six shirts at twelve
and half fcents-seventy-fiv CENTS"
''But you burned one of them up."-
well, suppose did? Hadn't wash
ed it before burned it? Go along
wild ye, trying to chatc poor disso-
lutte widow"
A certain young Boston bachelor,
wealthy but modest, was taking his
bath one morning when his telephone
called him. He sprang from the tub
and was Mortified to hear that Il lady,
wife OF Il distinguished New York
banker, was at the other end of the
wire a mile away. 1t would never do
for him to carry OH q conversation
with a lady in his present condition.
Excuse me. A Thousand pardons J"
he cried, aghast. He donned his dress
ing-gQWM and then repaired to. the
teleplie1e and convcrsed without fear
or molestation.
Little Robby, aged years, has at
tended Sunday School one or two
months He is all apt scholar, and
gives early promise of bearing rich
ethical fruitage. At play with an
older brother, the other day, his orig
inal Adam SO far got tie better OF him
as to cause him to clincl his little
fists and strike his brother. Brother
Tom was about to retaliate with his
more formidable weapon, whom Bob
says 90 NUT strike back when 90 is
hit."-