The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-09
HUMOROUS.

= --.-
HUMOROUS.
NEVER make fun Of anybody who IS
| eick or nervouslin a thunder storms It
is not cowardtce, hut Temporary res
suit OF the influence sustained by the
| nerves from the electricity in the air.
A woman who is spoken Of as zone of
| the most dauntless ever knownn was
| stck In bed for hours after the great
storm at Springfield, Mass, last wear.
She had received shock Of lightning
years before, and never since fails to
be Ill In thunder storm.
A DANsURY man tslls good story of
his aunt, who Is . model housekeeper
and sorapulous stiokler for y good
table. The clergyman called near the
dinner hour and was pressed to stay to
the meal. At the table there was
good supply Of we'll prepared food, but
the lady felt compelled to make many
apologies for imaginary deficiencies.
In the grace the clergyman asked our
He"venly Father to "biess the frugal
meal" This made the lady very mad.
He was saying as he scratched \
lucif on the side OF house, 81 like
these houses with sanded paint; nice
when you want to strike match, you
know" "Is that SOP" she asked, de-
murely; III wish lived in a hou SO
with sanded paint''-and then she
looked things unutterable. II he had
asked, "what for?" she would have
hated him. But he didn't; he took the
hint and tho match was struck then
and there.
A FEMALE applicant for aid appeared
at the office OF the director Of the poor
In Detroit the other day, with a sad
and anxious look, and on being asked
soma %n"s monsy" sss %sn"'sd ow sspsa msoi % a hs
I can't say, exactly" How much do
you generally give out to person who
wants to buy bead beltP'iFE ~
MARRIAGE a Ia mode: Old Gunny-
bags-"So y)u want to marry my
daughter, eh' Well, sir, what are
your expectations, sir?'' Young
Sharpey--"Well, expect that you'll
do tho handsome thing In the way of q
marriage gift, and that will last us un-
til you drop off, and then Of course you
Will make your will in our favor"
"AIA, has sister Floy ever travelled
any?" "No child-no." "Then, when
l was a-iym', under the sofy, Sunday
night, and Mr.. John came in from
church, and was a-slttin' IN the big
rockln'-chair, how came she to say
that the incest land she was over in
was l.apland?"
"AH my darling wife," said George
the week after his marriage, sif your
husband were to die, what would Won
do9" "I don't know, Pm sure,
George" said the wife, re1ectively.
III never thought Of that. must look
In my book of etiquette, and read the
rules for young widowsI"
WHENa pair of lovers arc sitting
alone in the parlor convcrsing about
love and other sentimental things. the
suddenness with which tho young
man changes the subject to domestic
economy when the lady's paternal
parent unexpectedly enters the room
almost makes the young mans collar
button ay of.
a up town young man of baronial
to ndencies invested In new coat the
other day, which the tailor unfortun-
ately cut with the sleeves much too
long. After vain attempts to dispose
| OF tho garment ut q roduced price, he
ooASioNSo W IL up Ill nlS auCC6C-
raj chamber as coat Of Arms.
NATIVE to stranger: "We have al
ways an east wind IN Galveston" "But
l see the wind right now Is from the
W est" "Oh, that's the east wind
coming back, you know" "AhW
A GIRL who is red-headed and cross
eyed and wears number eleven brogans
can be advertised all over the country
as beautiful creature by committing
some crime. Who ever heard of fe-
malc horselhief or murderess who
wasn't just lovely?
Iun Massachusetts, papers are dis,
marry5" We should hope SO.
We don't see why cousin hasn't as
good Alright to marry as a brother, or
an uncle, or a son, orsister.
a SCHOOL teacher recently electrified
her pupils, who were annoying her
with questions, by saying, "Children,
l am engaged" Seeing the general
look Of astonishment, she added, "but
not to any fool Of a man." and the ex-
citement died away.
WHEN DR.. II and Lawyer A. were
walking arm, in arm, wag said to =
friend-'"These two are Just. equal to
one highwayman." "Why p'' asked
his friend. "Becauso," rejoined the
wag, sit Is lawer and doctor-your
money or your life -
"WHy don't you come In out Of the
rain ?" said good natured dominic to
ragged lrishman. "Sure it's av no