The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-04-01

hhn1uel d Allueus DuFink WHICH hAt
Plans, Purposes and Desires or the Lat
ter Gentleman are Duly Set Forth.
Moo YoRx, March 20, 1880.
am at present an inmate Nv a conven-
lent but very cheap hotel in the vicinity
nv Gramercy Park, the residence nv the
great Tilden, witch wood hey invited me to
stay with him, but uniortoonitly his house
was full Nv Dimecrats from all parts witch
cum to persuade him to save the kentry
by c~onsentin to run for the Presidency.
In the kindest manner, however, he is
payun my board here, Il bein a delegate
elect to the Cincinnati %Convenshun,) he
makes a fair allowance for my prinsipal
expenses, witch is the bar Nv the House.
1 he'd al interview with the great man
yesterday, witch wuz entirely satisfactory.
Indeed the close Nv 1t wuz more that salts
factry, ez l kin now git not only a moo
soot NV close, but kin approach Bascum
fur six months without askin credit, per-
vidin the influx Nv drummers from Louis
vile keeps up, and they display their &C.
customed liberality in askin the whole
house up to drink.
Mr.. Tilden remarked that he did not
now, nor never he'd desired the Presi-
dency. Ell he knowd hisself he wuz q
simple mindid man witch desired to pass
the reminder NV his days In peace and
quiet with his friends and not to be wor-
RED with pollytix or bizness. But wat
Good he do? The kentry wuz his wife
and children, and they demanded tibet he
take the sect. They demanded in 1875,
and he welded then, and he spozed he
shood hev to now.
SIN wat way, Mr.. Tilden, do you per-
pose to meet this almost yoonanimous de-
mand OF the Amerikin people for 700 10
except the nominashun?"
"Ishel do everything that in me lies to
meet the wishes nv my fellow citizens. l
shell start out with the pint that a great
fraud wuz committed for years ago, when
Iwuz swindled out OF the Presidency after
inyestin three milyuns Nv hard.earned
money in buyin 1t, and that"
"WiIl 700 hey Cronin, nv Oregon, in
terviewed and the cipher dispatches re-
published2"
"Thst wuz the work Nv my nevew Pei
ton, and other enthusiastic but indiscreet
friends NV mine. l am q innosent and
gilelis old man, and liable to be imposed
upon. Fl the cry Nv fraud don't move
the Conyenshun, my neyew Pelton will
gently intimate that el the pimocrisy
don't take me they can't carry Moo York,
and without Moo York a democrat can't
be electid. That will hey Its efeck upon
them ca desire posishun in the Postofice
Department and the Custom Houses, and
will doubtlis to yoose slang, fetch me. 1t
is a pint"
"Spozen that iails?"
an that event only one thing remains.
We must hev q pure government, with a
pure man at It's head. Ell these two con-
sideashuns don't inAooence em, ! shel
take the heads out Nv two or three barls,
and buy the entire ~convenshun. The
country must be saved. And then"
The gilelis old mans spare fgger SEEM
ed to dilate ez does q warriors when he
meets aioeman.
"And then will come the struggle. ]
will hev my literary buro sendin out
ready.made editorials 70 all the Dimocrat.
ic press, promisin every seckshun every.
thing-1 am not s%eekshunal, and had jtst
ez soon buy the electral vote ny q north.
ern state ez q southern one-I shell hussel
out the ofises-I shel buy men where ]
kin git EN-. John Morrisey Is ded, but
there are others to start pool rooms, TO In
looense the wayerin. l shell put all the
old machinery to work with a lot nv new
that / have recently invented, and this
time I shell make no mistake. l know
more about Presidenshel eleckshuns than
/ did then, and beside that ] hev made
couple Of millions Nv dollars In the pas
four yeers, and in the Unrest NV a pure
government i will spend every cent Nv |
buyin the eleckshun, 70 %infooence fret
and independent voters. ! will do 1t thi,
time shoor." :.
The sage and patriot then gave me di
reckshuns ez to how 10 manage the Ken
lucky delegashun, and promised that
should be his agentin buyin up stubborn
ones, aud that | should be on the committy
which shood parcel out the otises ioI
kentucky. Nv course the postofis at thu
Corners wuz TO be mine, tho the sage ant
patriot did hint that Of the Kentucky dele
gashun wuz yoonanimus the collectorshiI
al louisville would be mine. he spokt
definitely on this pint.
IMy dear friend,n he remarked ez he
prest my hand at partin; remember tht
Icollectorship at louisville, and whispert 4
your friends that my bari Is the only on
That will be opened. A wink ez as gool
ez a nod TO amule.n
Nv course Mr.. Tilden Is my candidate
He kin approximate patriotism, and IS tn
first candidate that hez ever promised m
anything better than the Corners Postothi
/ shell 20 home to labor for him with a
my mite. N,.ny
(For Tilden first, last, and all the time
p, ST. don't know about I1lden, ate
all. Another Kentuckian witch Is stoppil
at the same hotel, remarkt TO me, cont
IIanahellv. that he esteemed Mr.. Tide