Connecticut western news., 1880-12-01
WIT AND WISDOM.


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 A MAN may live to extreme old ago and then commit the biggest mistake of his life. -
 ANY old bachelor will shriek for bet ter half when counterfeit fve-cent pieceis showed on him.
 "OUR rooms are small" said she, "but I live in my husband" "Yes," said her friend, "I sec you live in q flat"
 "lF THERE is no moonlight will you meet mo by gaslight, dearest Julia P' "No, Augustus, won't," replied she, 1T am no gas meter."
 THERE are some 35, ,000 more females than males in Philadelphia, and yet some people wonder why some girls marry bow-legged mon.
 THE only difference between pig making glutton of itself and man making pig of himself is that the pig at some future day will be cured.
 THEY met, they smiled, they wept they loved, He called her Jane, she called him Thomas A Ficner HULL Catile uOWH Jllo btlle, And Thomas brought suit for breach of promise.
 THE only remarkable thing thus far about Mile. Bernhardt's visit is the sin gular fact that she has not yet endorsed every American piano as the best in the market. Now IS the time to organize Shut the-Door Club" Such an institution will afford those who are charitably in- clined an opportunity to promote much needed reform. .r@
 "MY DARb1Ne," he intensely whis- pers, vaiuly attempting to seize her hand, "do you know that I love you madly?" "Oh, yes" she says, "almost any fool could tell that" a.. y.
 AN EXCHANGE says: "There appears to be growing demand for coin" Any editor who doesn't know that without taking anybody's "say so," ought to have his salary reduced.
 THEY say in Chicago that if the guests at most of the boarding house tables in that city spoke accurately and truth fully they would say Please ma'am, pass the lard mot the butter" l A CANDIDATE defeated at the recent election made his first appearance upon the streets the other day, and his coun- tenance looked so mournful that fifteen undertakers tried to engage him to drive a hearse.
 THEY were walking by tho seaside, and he sighed and she sighed; and she was by his side, and he by her side, and they were both beside themselves, beside being at the seaside, where she sighed and he sighed. ...a#t
 "MAMMA," said tho little one, "do, you know what you nre going to givem for Christmas ?" "Why, yes," said the mother, "of course I know" "Well, for mercys sake don't tell me, respond ed puss, with great vehemence. if.
 WE PRESUME that woman's preference for men with small hands and delicate fingers had it's ori ,il while the old Eng fish law was in force, allowing every man to beat his wife whenever ho pleased with stick not thicker than his little finger.
 "A NEW Way to Pay Old Debts "-- First Gentleman "Ob, I'm all right now; I've cleared off all ny debts. !" Second Gentleman: "How did you manage that?" First Gentleman Eas- jest thing in the world borrowed a hundred and paid off everything"
 "WHY is woman more afraid of c mouse than a man?" inquired young Smartboy of his best girl. "Oh, I as- sure you," was her reply, "a mouse is much more dangerous than q man" and she leaned so heavily on his arm that he for moment really imagined he was man.
 Now scoun up your snow bells and dust of tho
 sleigh,
 The season for frolios is near, The delights of old Winter are fast on their
 way, tafI! With coastiug and bun alo robe cheer. To those folks who are poor, and minus tho [ "tin," .t@ You can invent 0 sleigb-ride for song; Take q pail of ice water and thrust your feet in,
 And get Johnny to rattle tho tongs. e,.,
 Ex-JuDaE Tony Hartman had Q sty on his eye recently, and becoming an noyed at the frequent inquiries of his friends regarding it, he wrote on a card, which he pinned conspicuously on the lapel of his coat the following: "Sty :, had it about two weeks; hurts like blazes P This effectually shortened al conversation on on unpleasant subject. A GALVESTON school teacher, who lost 1, all patience with very stupid boy finally told the boys father, "Y Your sor is getting worse and worse every day. "I don't think he can be quite that bad, demonstrated the partial parent. "Well then, he is at least getting worse anc ) worse every other day, orsay three time 3 week." ..,...... 3 "BLoNpEs," says n society journal 8 "are out of fashion," Young men who r have recently married blondes will nov 3 deeply regret that they didn't selec 0 brunettes. The fact that mans wifi l. is an unfashionable blonde is not suili + cient grounds for divorce, we believe c and if he was to exchange her for dark + hued woman, 1t would occasion unpleas e ant remark. .rr~s n OLD MosE met a colored lady of hi Il acquaintance and asked her how she an' e her husband were coming on now, a being notorious fact that they used t
 fight like cats and dogs. The colore n lady shook her head and replied