The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1880-11-11
The Foundation of True Courtesy.

Gospel NetUS.
The Foundation of True Courtesy.
1t has been said that the apostle Paul
was a grand type of the Christian gen
tleman, and that his description of
charity, or love. in his first letter to the
Corinthians, expresses the true spirit of
Christian courtesy. There is truth in
this estimate of st. Paurs spirit and
words; but it would not be fair to limit
the emphasis or the exhibit of Christian
courtesy to Paul's writings, in the New
Testament. 1t is sturdy old Peter who
concludes a series of counsels to wives
and husbands, and to all "who are
kept by the power of God through faith
unto salvation" with the specific in
junction: FINALLY be We all of one
mind, having compassion one of an
other; love as brethren; be pititui; be
cOatTteOuS.n In fact, the exhibit of
courtesy is inevitable where the Chris
tian spirit is in fullest play; and all the
teachings of the New Testament 90 to
emphasize that spirit of unselfshness,
that sinking of self in a desire to pro-
mote the comfort and welfare of others,
which is the essence of all true courtesy.
Where courtesy is lacking, the spirit of
Christianity does not pervade the inner
and control the outer man. Where real
courtesy is apparent there is so far au
exhibit of Christian spirit in the indi-
vidual, or, at all events, of Christian
grace in his conduct.
Good breeding, politeness, fine man.
ners, are all included in the term
courtesy" but these are the express
sion of courtesy rather than its essence
and inspiration. The essence of courte-
sy is unselfshness, the giving-in man.
ner and word-the first place to anoth-
er, rather than to ones self. GOOD
breeding" says one, sis made up of
multitude of petty sacrifices" "True
politeness," says another, sis the pir-
it of benevolence showing itself in a re-
fined way. 1t is the expression of good
will and kindness. And fine manners,
De Quincy says, consist "in two capt.
tai features: first of all in respect of
others; secondly, in self-respect."
Good breeding, fine manners, polite
ness, courtesy. show themselves in what
their possessor is ready to do for others,
rather than in what he claims from
others. Here is where the real article
and its limitations are divergent. Many
man thinks to show good breeding by
a dignified bearing, by stately or inn
posing manner, by an implied claim to
attention and Difference. He who has
good breeding shows it without think
ing to do so; shows it by his ease of
manner, and by his instructive atten-
ton to the feelings and interests of
those with whom he comes in contact,
Attractiveness of personal appearance,
gracefulness in bearing, tastefulness in
dress, elegance in manners and care
fitness in word and tone of voice, NAV all
be found where there is no true courtesy.
The very purpose on the part of their
possessor to be thought well bred, to
command respect and to appear to adj
vantage may cause him or her to show
lack of good breeding, to fail of COM
handing respect, and to appear to any
thing but an advantage. On the other
hand, there are ladies whose attractions
of face and form are but slight, who
care little for dress, who think nothing
of mere manners, who are so unself-
ishly thoughtful of others in all their
intercourse with them, that they are
called ''just delightful" by everybody
who knows them. When thev have
callers, or when they are making calls,
they have absolutely no thought about
themselves, about their appearance, .
their modes of expression, the inn
preston they may make on others.
They are, for the time being,
absolutely given to those with
whom they converse. They question
and listen with enthusiastic interest;
they say kindly words because they feel
kindly; they avoid unpleasant subjects
of mention, and they introduce topics
that cannot but be welcome. Because
they keep themselves out of sight they
win respect, admiration and affection,
beyond all that they would dare hope
for. Real courtesy is impossible except
where self is lost sight and thought of.
In seeking to be courteous, one must
not mistake the form of courtesy for
its spirit True politeness is no more
to be found III mere gracefulness of
word and manner. than fine complex
ion is to be secured by skillfully APP
piled paint and powder. Discourteous-
ness is the prominent trait of some who
think far more of seeming to be cour-
teous than of seeming to be kindly.
They are so intent on showing them
selves to advantage, so under the sway
of selfish motives or of false pride, so
DESTROYS of evidencing their independ-
ent judgment, that some of their
smoothest spoken words give pain to
those who hear them, or bring con-
tempt on those who utter them. Po-
likeness of manner is very common
accompaniment-it cannot be called
cover-of impoliteness of spirit. 1t de-
ceives no one. 1t offends or disgusts
many. True "politeness is the out
ward garb of goodwill" If the good
will is lacking, the pretentiOus garb has
no more of life in it than suit of clothes
on clothing dealers dummy
But perhaps you lack goodwill. You
are conscious that you are selfish; that
you cannot forget yourself; that you
are unable to give others the first place
in your thoughts and purposes-what
then? Why, even then you ought to
know that you can never seem polite
unless you seem unselfish. You must
not talk about yourself. You must force
yourself to think about those whom you
would impress. lou must study to
ind what will interest them, and bring
that to the front. You must listen to
their every word. with the closest and
heartiest attention you can bestow.
You must say kindly words to them
about their affairs. or about those whom