The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-05-11
Befuidled Humorists,


meeting with his brother humorist, Artc-
mus Ward. l had never seen him before.
he brought letters Of Introduction from
mutual trends in San Francisco, and by
invitation breukfasted with HIM. IL was
almost religion, there IN the silver mines,
to precede such . meal with whisky cock
tails. Artemus, with the true cosmopol-
tan instinct, always deferred to the Gus
toms OF the country he was in, and SO he
ordered three Of these denominations.
Kingston was present. am match for
nearly every beverage you can mention ex-
ccbt whisky cocktail, and therefore |
salu it would go right 10 my head ard con-
fuse mo, 50 that would be in u helpless
tanglc in ten minutes; did not want to act
hmatic before strangers, but Artcmus
gently insisted, and | drank the trcusDna-
bio mixture undor protest, and felt all the
time that was doing Il thing that | might
be sorry for. In a minute Or two began
to imagine that my ideas were cloudcd. |
waited in great anxiety for the convcrsa-
ton to open, with sort of vague hope that
my understanding would provo clear,
after ALL and my misgivings groundlcss.
Artcmus dropped an unimportant re-
mark or two and then assumed look of
loving astounding speech. lie said:
"Now, there is one thing ought TO ask
you 'bout before | forget it. You have
been here III Slverland- here in Nevada
two or threo years, and of course, your
essary for you to go down in the mines and
examine them carefully in detail. Now.
what want to get at isis, well, the way
deposits arc made, you know. FOR in-
stance Now, rs understand it, the vein
which contains the silver is sandwichcd in
between castings of granite, and runs along
the ground, and sticks up like Il curbstonc.
"Well, take vein forty feet thick, for
example, or eighty for that matter, Or even
one hundred; say you 90 down on il witha
shaft, straight down, you know, or with
what you call the 'inclincs, maybe you go
down five hundred feet or maybe you don't
20 down but two hundred; anyway you 20
down, and all the time this vein grows mar
rover when the castings come nearer rap-
proach each other, you may say, that is,
when they do approach, which of course
they do not always do particularly in cases
where the nature of the formation is such
that they stand apart wider than they
otherwise would, and which geology has
failed to account for although everything
III that science goes TO prove that, all things
being equal, it would if it did not or would
not certainly if it did, and then of course
they are. Do not you think il isl'
81 said to myself, "Now, just know
how it would be. That cusscd whisky
cocktail has done the business for me. |
don't understand any more than Il clam"
And then sad aloud, 'I-I--that is-if
you don't mind, would you---would you
say that over again7 ought"
ooh, certainly, certainly! You see
am very unfamiliar with the subject, and,
perhaps, don't present my case clearly,
"No, no--no, no you state il plain
enough, but the vile cocktail has muddIcd
me n little. But will-no, | ito not I'M
derstand, for that matter, but would get
the hang Of il ull the better if you went
over it again, and III pay better attention
this time"
He SAID, "Why, what | was alter was
this.' Here he became even more fear
fully impressive than ever and emphasized
each particular point by checking it OF on
his finger ends. "rhis vein or lode, or
ledge, or whatever you may call, runs along
between two layers Of granite, just the
same Us If it were n sandwich. Very wcll.
Now, suppose you 20 down on that say
1000 feet, or maybe 200 Git don't really
mattcr), before you drift; and then you
start your drifts, some of them across the
ledge and others along the length Of it,
where tho sulphurcls-I believe they call
them sulphurctcs, though why they should,
considering that SO far AZ | can see, the
main dependence of miner docs not 40
lie, as some suppose, but in which 1t can
not be successfully maintained wherein the
snme should not continue, while part and
parcel OF the same ore not committed to
either III the sense referred to, whereas,
under different circumstances, tho most in
experienced among us could moi detect If il
were, or might overlook it If it did, or
scorn the very idea OF such thing, even
though ii were palpably demonstrated as
such. Am not riglh2'
SAID sorrowfully: II feel ashamed of
myself, Mr. 'Wurd. know | ough, TO
understand you perfectly well, hut you see
that internal whisky cocktail has got into
my head, and now l cannot understand
even the simplest proposition. l told you
how 1t would be-"
"Oh, don't mind 1t, don't mind it; the
fault was my own, no doubt though did
think 1t clear enough for"
'Don't say word. Clear. Why YOU
stated it as clear rs the sun to anybody but
an abjcct idiot, but it's that confoundcd
cocktail that hns played the mischief"
NO. now don't say that. | II begin it
all over again, and"
Don't now; for goodness sake, don't do
anything of the kind, because tell you my
head Is IN such condition that don't Gc
licvc could understand the most trltlng
question man could ask me-"
Nov don't You he afraid. III put i,
so plain this time that You cant help get
the hang OF it. We will begin at the very
beginning Leaning far across the table
with determined imprcssivrncss wrought,
upon his every feature, and fingers pre-.
pared to keep tally of each point us emu
mcratcd; and !, leaning forward with pain
tul interest resolved to comprehend or per-
lsh lyon know the vcn---thc lcdgc-thc
thing that contains The metal, whereby il
constitutes the medium between al other
forces, whether of present or remote agcn-
clcs, SO brought to bear in favor of the
former, or all, Or both, or compromising
as possible the relative differences existing