Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-10-23
IBToohIyn EkS;e.l

YOU will come and sit down here. ri explain the
political situation to you. | am glad TO see you
lake an interest in such things, FOR everybody
ought 10 thoroughly understand what Is going
OIL IN the country"
I've been reading about them every day
IeiOiDed Mrs. SpOopendyke ''and Lnlnk L
Know good deal about politics now" and the
good IaOy turned turkey-red with the idea thaI
She mad excited her husbands admiration. II
think MI Garfield IS 100 sweet 20 i've Nv ana epat
They are ever so much better than that odious
English and Arthur. oh II | was man L
would vote for Garfield and Hancock"
That amt the way 20 talk politics" sneered
Mr.. Spoopendyke. Il thought you said you
Knew Something about II, Got an 'dea that Gir
reld aud Hancock are some kind OF a bonnet,
haven't you? Well, they amt, and they Amt
foreign Bible society, either"
a. DO YOU like English and Arthur best? They
may &c gCOd men fOI the presidency. but | saw
more In Tie papers about Garfield and Hancock.
and thought they must De splendid. Perhaps
was mistaken"
carried and Hancock aln't running together.
i tell ye." TetOrted Mr.. SpOOpendyAe. They
are running against each oJher.1
That's another thing" said Mrs Spoopen-
Gy he, comp '2centiy. III they aIe doing that |
ptreCtiy agree with you III thinking that Eng
fish aHu ArtLuT are the best. They are perfect
GeItIemen. cid Mr.. Arthur Is SO handsome. L
saw his p.Cture--"
Doh you know anything at all. scarcely? 3"
q: uaBGed Mr.. SpOOpendyke. '-EIgilSh and Ar
tIur aihI twiIS. they are running against e1cl
OIhCr. 100 NheIc'd you md out about politics,
as way; IL a COOK book PrapS YOU think
these Candidates are vegetables. Mrs. SPoOpan-
IKE. ont they amt; They're men with arGls
"bG ltg>; they amt things TO make pudding
Cf.
-.CeriaslIy; I know that" responded Mrs
SpCOpeLdySe. chetTfaIy, but II Mr.. Garfield Is
IGDriLg against Mr. Hancock, ana Mr. E1glil
is running against VI Arthur, dOn't see what
we'ie going 10 do. How are VT going 10 choose"
=. RIII Iley 'Se GOT TO run against each other,
explained Mr. Spoopendyke, with rising empha-
sis. y on don't suppose candidates al run TO-
IaCr tf-au Tor r hons do WOO
- III Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. Garfield run against
each otner, won't Mr. Hancock have the best OF
Why should he?" demanded Mr. Spoopen-
"sCause he's so big. IL they were running
together he'd get beat, cause he's too fat. He
Does anybody in the country know what
you're talking about? Do you sp0se they stand
of aud bump up against each other like
couple OF freight trains? Got al idea they're
going to roll up their trousers and run a leg
race? i tell We that Hancock is running fer
che President and CARRIED is running for
another. Now dye understand
'Oh, that's Il. Now begin TO see into It."
returned Mrs. SpOOpeGdyke, joy ouSIy. so Il
sou want to vote Tor IwO men lUr the President,
you must vote for English ard Arthur. I'M
derstand il perfectly nOa But"
"Oh, yes, you understand 1t, don't yer
yelped Mr.. SpoOpendyke. You're the poltl-
cian or seven ageS- All yOu need is a regiStra
ton book and 2 brass band 10 be a whole polIti-
President and 50 is Garfield and Arthur and
English are running for Wee President. Can
you understand thaj?''
= Yes. do; but do you think Arthur and
English Will getlt? | read in one
Get ii, They can't both get IL Only one OF
EN- can get it, exclaimed Mr. Spoopendyke,
suppreSSfDg his passion. ''Wlat dye think
Tie vice presidency 1s-a pair OF pige0n-holes?
OLe or EN- Will be President aud the other Vice
President. Nov, can you bore that through
your skull and remember it,"
hy- IF Prt hlYf anl cErr or
Garfield and poor Mr. Hancock. They'll ne
awiully disappointed, but or course we can't
help IL. When will De President, do you think,
Mr. Arthur or Mr.. EGG"
..Dod CAST IT. rayed Mr.. Spoopendyke. "You
don't know enough to go TO sleep when you're
tired. Don't tell yCu Garfield Or Hancock VIII
be President, and English or Arthur Vice Pre5t-
dent? Say it over until you can remember 1t.
The tickets are Hancock and English, and Gar
Held and Arthur. Comprehend tnat?"
why. certainly. l saw those names or the
banners. / remember it now. Which VIII be
elected?'
That's the question" rejoined Mr.. spoopen-
dyke, sarcastically. IF Mr.. English can Carry
his own state and Ohio he Will be elected, out
If Mr.. Garfield can carry his own state and
Indiana. he has an excellent show
What Will Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. Arthur
caTry:' asked Mrs Spoopendyke with an air OF
Carry howled Mr. s2oopendyke. they'll
carry swirl 10 the pigs. aud that's mOren vol
kLOw how TO do. WHAT dye 'spo5e they'll
carry?@
Il suppose Mr.. Arthur will carry Mr.. English'5
state, won't he. and his own? And Mr.. Hancock
viii carry Mr.. GarIieldS state and Governors
Ireland. AiGJ that where he lives? don't see
what they want OF each others states. They
ought"
''Oh. you've got it," siarieled Mr. spoopan-
dy Ike. You've got 1t boiled down. You only
need heavy rain and the side door OF a ba-
room &c be an election day. What YOU wans Is
a lot OF blOts and your name spelled wrong %
make poll-llst- Didn't tell ye tnat two CT 'en
mir II
that get tie most states Nil Dc el1cted? And II
z ruan can't carry his own state he's liable 20 09
Eeked. Can't ye understand thar"
II see: ! see aid Mrs. Sp0ODen iyke. ITS
IS plaia as day. Bat suppose they all carry
tier oTn states, went il o. funuy?7
He lie, b." g.gyi6d Mr.. Spo0peadyke, with
horrible gTimaCe:. It'll BE- !ne funniest thing
e,er known If they do LnaI you Jist dra1,t
tizc II. II Ii beat IlEe CiTcu5eS n q row. How )
each going 10 Gary his 0"n state: Think he5
going 10 tITD !; UP u. enc end and roll It Ike
i don't know said Mrs Spoopendyi,e. re-
fect1ng. Il dOEt exactly understand nov they
do II, but they ought 10 know what they are
going To do before they accept the convention.
Who cares a dod gasted cent what ye rea;:"
pealed forth Mr.. Spoopendyke he. You don't
know enough about politics 10 stuff a chicken.
Who said anything about aug measlyconve1-
lion? GIT into Ded, viii ye? You got an idea
that you put Candidates in g pot Ike turnioS
and poke EN- with a fork and the one thaL'5
done first IS elected o.. you're risht-yol We
got the sense OF it. With your statesmanSbip,
all you want is four amendments aud m0tiUn
20 adjourn, TO be an act OF Congress-" AMI NJ.
SpOopenGyke cast his clothing into q corner
Hoped into bed, and pulled the clothes over
LIS ears
81 don't care unused Mrs. Spoopendyke. as
she TUNED cut the gas aud then began putter-
ing around 10 see IL everything was all right;
Il know now that II Mr. EDgliSh carries Mi.
GaTtield's state and Mr.. CARRIED carries Mr..
EngliSh'o state, 1t viii go hard with Hancock
and Arthur. and Mr.. Arthur is such handsome
man" and Mrs SpOopendyke sided into bed.
planted her cold feet In the pit OF Mr.. Spoopen-
dykes stomach, and Went 10 sleep dreaming
that that worthy was running for the ONCE or
notary public and had carried every state IN the
union, Including Governors Ireland"
Tom Hughes on American Tree.
Cutting.
The Spectator