Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-03-19


boss, dar's niger ibin' up my way who
orter to be token car off, said an old
darkey to the captain at the Central Sta
ton. ssWhat's he been doing noW?"
''Waal, sab, last fall lent him my axe,
an when I wanted it back he braced right
I'D an tole me dat possesshum was nine
pints o. law, an refused to glib it up.''
"Yes.n "Waal, de odder day I sent de
ole woman ober an she borrowed his buck
saw, an when Julius cum for it I tole him
list like he answered me an stood on my
dignity eWell?'' 81 had nine pints O.
law, didn't I?'' Eyes" sAn' how many
pints am de law composed of?'' II don't
know exactly" s'Well. oats what bod
ders me, fur dat niggers aw dem nine pints,
shet up dis lef' eye fur me, pitched de ole
woman ober a bar'l an walked off wild his
saw an my snow shovel to boot. If I had
nine pints he mus hev had ober twenty,
an chen den he didn't half let himself
out '-Detroit Free Press.
Two young men were chums and init
mate friends in college. One became
Baptist minister, the other an Eriscosali-
an. They did not meet again for years.
When thay did it was in the pulpit of the
Baptist, for whom the Episcopalian
preached, to the great satisfaction Of the
congregation. Sermon over, the two di-
vines ducked their heads behind the breast
work of the preaching desk and held the
following colloquy: ''Fine sermon, Tom;
much obliged. Sorry can't repay your
kindness for preaching by asking you to
stay to our communion. Can't though,
you know, because you have never been
baptized sob, don't concern yourself
about that, Jim; couldn't receive the
communion at your hands, as you have
never been ordained
A THPLENDID THPEAKER.-An editor
in Middletown, Conn.,, ll-naturedly pub
fishes at full length the only speech of an
aspiring member of the Legislature during
his three years term. He says the reader
must imagine the tall and imposing figure
: of the orator reduced to an angle of forty
five degrees-his legs crook-ant-his arms
ramp-ant-his eyes squint-ant- hands
grab -ant-the scintillations of genius flash
ing from his eyes in such quick succession
that they form halo of glory around his
splendid head and expressive face. Here
is the speech:
ssMithter Thpeaker- Ath had the hon.
or to introduth thith bill. think it ought
to path.'
Boston has great many sins to answer
for. like the rest of US, but none greater
than the introduction of the block puzzle
The Gem puzzle it is called on Broadway;
the Boss puzzle on Third avenue, and that
- puzzle on Wall street. New York
was a comparatively happy and peaceful
CITY. before the introduction of this puzzle.
Now happiness has fled and discord reigns.
Of course you know the puzzle to which l
refer. It is useless for you to deny it; you
have one in your pocket now, and are only
waiting for quiet moment to take it and
move the perplexing blocks around.-N.
Y. World.
The use of whiskey for rattlesnake bite
in Texas has increased so enormously dur
ing the past year that the overworked
snakes have resolved to leavethe State I'M
less the Board Of immigration reinforce
them strongly. They work on double time
and yet can't do half the biting that is de-
manded by the consumers One snake
who does business at Port Lavaca is six
weeks behind his orders and three of the
clerks are sick.
'She wore belted ulster cloak,
All buttoned down before;'
A standing collar and the tie,
I think, was red she wore;
A Derby hat sat on her nose;
She carried rattan;
And all who saw her couldn't tell
The lady from-a man."
The story is told at Williamsport, Pa,
of a young man who went to the Black
BILLS to seek his fortune and wrote back
to his father that he had done well, but
added; II will be home on Wednesday
evening. Meet nue. at dark just out OF
town and bring blanket or whole pair
of trowsers with you. have a hat"
.Mamma-"Well. Johnny, shall forgive
YOU this time. and it's very pretty of you
to write letter to say you're sorry" john
ny-"Yes, ma; don't tear it up, please"
Mamma-sWhy not?" johnny
it will do for the next time.''
s'John, dear, the baby's crying" sob,
we'll, confound it, Maria. don't bother
man while he's doing this inf blessed
puzzle. Go out and buy him one for him.
self, It'll keep him quiet"
An unlucky person replied on being
asked what he cleared on acertain specula-
ton, ''Nothing but my pockets.
eyes, love, I will, in one minute-just
wait till I get this-how was 1t had it
ust noW-14-13-15-ohd dear -
A practical joke is poor fun because the
laugh does not reach all the way round.
A turkey with clipped wings has a de-
fective heW
'Watch!'' said the second hand, 'I'll be
around in a minute"