The Iola register., 1880-02-27

cy she Will beat Mark TWaln'S mule all
to pieces.
When Miss Sallie met Mr.. Popkins on
the street her nose was decidedly
"retrousse," and Mr.. Popkins looked
like an automaton Cardiff giant. The
neighbors were forced to take part in
this case, for when invitations were
issued for the regular tea-parties,
those who invited Mr.. Popkins were
obliged to omit Miss Sallie, and vice
versa.
In the meantime the lawsuit dragged
its slow length along from session
to session, from term to term, until it
was as familiar as A B c. But
fate had taken in hand the destiny of
these. two. individuals, and soon brought
matters to a most satisfactory conclu-
sion, though the unconscious mediator
was rather burlesque on the higher
tragedy daily enacted.
There lived close to these belligerents
good-natured old man, nearly as deaf
as a post, who had the greatest faculty
for laundering on unfortunate facts of
any individual known either in ancient
or modern history. He never heard
any thing correctly, and it was an utter
impossibility to try to explain, and if
you attempted ityou would find yourself
tloundering in perfect slough of de-
spair.
Miss Sallie and Mr.. Popkins had re-
ceived notice that their case would come
up for the final hearing in Harrow on
Tuesday of next week. Miss Sallie
concluded to take the stage; Uncle Ben
Dropper, our deaf friend, had business
little distance on the road, and he
would take the stage too; and Mr.. Pop
kns's saddle horse fell sick just as he
was needed, and there being no time for
other arrangements, he must take the
same conveyance.
Miss Sallie came floating down to the
gate with white ribbons and bows, and
dainty dress, sufficient to bewilder man
with as stony heart as the sphinx, and
saw approaching from the opposite side
her foe, in immaculate broadcloth and
shirt front. For moment the color
rushed to her cheeks, and she helf resolved
to 60 back; but to be outdone by man,
and he Popkins, was not to be thought
of, so she stepped into the coach with
an air of sixteen Queen Victorias, ele-
waiting her head until it made an acute
angle with her nose, and became sub
timely unconscious of any ones pres
ence. Mr.. Popkins seated himself as
though he had swallowed whole foun-
dry, and had his pockets full of eggs for
dessert. Just then came Uncle Ben,
putting and blowing, utterly unconscious
of the oaths of the impatient Jehu.
"Good morning, Miss Sallie," said
he, carefully seating himself beside her.
"Good morning, Mr.. Popkins. Where
might you be going, and what for?"
"To Harrow" said Mr.. Popkins, in
his most polite manner, answering the
first question, and ignoring the last.
"Du tell" and the round face fairly
beamed with placid surprise. "Going
to marry? Well, 1 told Hester last
night that was the suit after all. There
amt no more capable girl any where
than Sallie, and I am glad you found it
out. And Mr.. Popkins is wonderful
clever" turning to Sallie, "and instead
of there being two farms and lawsuit,
there need be only one. Law, bless
mel" rubbing his hands with increased
satisfaction, eff it amt tiptop ar
rangement!"
Mr.. Popkins clutched at his throat as
though he was choking to death, and
made spasmodic efforts to utter word
of explanation, but his tongue was ut
terly palsied and failed him in this
emergency. Miss Sallie, with face of
the deepest rose color, placed her hand
to her mouth, and shouted so as to star
tie the horses:
81 am gong to see Mr.. Stiles on bust
ness"
Oh, day of blunders! Mr.. Stiles was
her lawyer, but the unfortunate girl was
unaware that Presbyterian minister
had the same dignfied cognomen.
"Mr. Stiles,'' said our friend, "well,
I've heard him well spoken of, but l
never expected you, Sallie, Baptist, to
be married by any one but a minister of
your own church; but suppose you
gave way to Mr.. Popkins, and it shows
a downright good disposition
Miss Sallie gave mn in despair. and