The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-02-14
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Hope its Joaquin Miller
Il ,,c man who Is as honest as the day 10 '0ns
Getting more honest now as the days icngthe"'
Some of the dearest spots on earth are 'ho "'''
held in SEINE other mans hand
When money makes man II makes SUN
,,tnr very different from man VINO makes iho"'
ey,-N. q. Picayn@.
Tho state nrison offers favorable opportunities
,o,,volists Nearly everybody there is under
conviction.
A military critic says that good soldiers gro"
snder cultivation like any other proouc'' 'nA'
is to say, they come up in drills.
,oeYcbange asks ifa nan can marry his aunt
"a o,o,b.r REPLIES that "a man aunt going TO
marry his aunt as long as he has cousin ie''
Ger. Kilpatrck has electrified the Washington
politicians with the astounding announcement
,h,, h. j. "authorl1ed" to say that Mr. Hayes
will ne, be a candidate before the next repuoh'
csn presidential convention.
An increased sale Of corsets among the coio'eu
reoplc of the Sosth is mentioned as an eNioehcc
that the blacks are advancing in civiiizauon ana
are bound to stay.
The naval cemmittce of the house at Washing
ION are credited by a correspondent with having
made the discovery that all the American navy
needs Is some ships. II has plenty OF wafer
The plumber idly drums upon the WINDOW pane
And wonders if the time will ever come again
when Bridget, with her patience all exhaust
shall thrust
Her head within the door and shout "The poipes
hcV bust"
70 mi r,s "A llsDD
hoy wss horn to the editor of the Chronicle TINS
morning at s O'Clock. Hooresto@ Chronicle
Asir little matters Of this kind there is usually
q female in the ease, is--ah-the editor OF the
ChcootL-ah--a-a-s0 to speak-a married
man.
One of Bob Ingcrsoll's pithy remarks-Which
ALWAYS brings down the house--is that he has al
vays noticed that the people who have the
smallest souls make the most fuss about saving
xhem.
member OF school board, not thousand
miles from Boston, visited y school under hi.
jurisdiction When asked to make some remarks,
he said: "Well, children, you spells well ana
reads we'll, but you haint sot still"
Same wicked cockney wretch remarked OF n
boarding house keeper who got rich that he
ought to be called Phnnix, for he rose from his
hashes.
Mrs Ruth Snow, Sugar Grove widow,
weighs 300 pounds aud kicks the beam end oil
burglars that mccst her. She is the original
beautiful Snow and doesn't melt away when hei
unholy visitors call.-Etgi" Ltdder.
1t is said if you sit down when assailcd by O
furious dog, the beast will not touch you. But
the judicious man will select us high Il seat as
possiblc--at the top Of tall tree for example.
Monday, we believe, was ground hog day, and
in some localities he might have seen his shade"
and in others not. Surprising lie saw his shadow
poet describes his actions thus
The ground hog crawled out in the air
And sat down on his tail,
And when he saw his shadow there,
1t made that hog turn pale;
And as he gazed upon the shade
sicky smile he sRoc,
Then kicked his heels above his head
And popped back ia his hole.
"Annetta" wants to know If there is "a heal
ing cure, a tender balm for u loycstrickcI
heart" Get sea.sick, Annetta; go to sea for
week; and II the blue Atlantic serves you as !
served us you will spread it on the record that /
is just little the balm balnedest balm you eve
plastered ON your lovc-stricken heart since you
were old enough TO write poetry ". I. World
The latest case Of Observation-Disclosures come
from Tennessee. young gentleman OF Mem
phis loves a girl who lives in the country, up tn
railroad Wishing to see her he hired hors
and buggy and drove out to her house, hitchin!
the horse at the door. After while he came ont
happy, serene and delighted, walked down TO tn
railway station got ticket and rode back t.
NH l.ayin,r his litchpd In
country gate. How he must have loved her!
ALEAr-YEAR iBYL.
The palid snow was drifted deep
When Nellie came prepared to leap.
She let her plump dimensions drap
Into her swecthearts maiden lap.
And signing prayed him give her hope,
And kncelins begged him with her 'lopc.
Then held him In her fervent grip,
And smackcd him on his downy lip.
But lest we into secrets drop,
: These thrilling details we will lop-
Suffice to say priestly troop
Soon after tied the bridal loop.
Probably no man in congress has such di,
like for Mr.. Hayes as Senator Hamlin. He keep
such an accurate account OF the passage OF tim
that he can tell To a day how long Mr.. Hayes wi
remain president Of this great country. A der
ocratic senator approached him a few days AZ
and said: "Well, brother Hamlin, how niue
longer must we have that fellow in the Whit
HouseY' Quick as lightning lismlin answered
"Just fourteen months aud sixteen days dam
him"-P hiLpielphja Times.
The beautesus, buxom Bertha Bangs
Is one of our divinest girls;
She bangs the doors and bangs the chairs,
And lao han her cufls
She bangs on the pianny, too,
And bangs upon the light guitar
But OH OF all the bangs she bangs,
She mostly bangs her auburn hair.
O, banging, bouncing, buxom belle,
The poets Tyre with rapture twangs--
Responsive TO the influence
or thy beloved and beauteous bangs.
The Nnw York Ctln riyrs vent 10 the inIirnnI