davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1880-01-29
a Don't be Editors.

Boys of my audience, bright faced,
aspiring youths, longing fer the shortest
and quickest route to fame and fortune,
hear solemn adj-:raton and be warned
in time. Never be editors everybody's
pecking- blocks, creations scapegoats and
waybacked rack-mules Deadhead
tickets to cireu es, dog shows and
strawberry festivals--(paid for at the
rate of five dollar notice for twenty
ive-cent dicket)-all are very well in
their way; and daily bouquets from
girls who want to get their names in
the papers, with stereotyped "beautiful
and accomplished" formula swung to
them, are "just too charming for any
thing" But do not let them lead you
into that dingy den of inky horror, tread
mill labored and squandered opportun-
tiles, burlesquingly known as the editor,
ial sanctGm. Stand back Keep out.
Be boot blacks, chimney sweeps, peni-
tentiary birds, or members Of the mania,
managerie that meets in the gorgeous
white sepu'ch Of capitol at Washing
ton. BE mud clerks on coal barge,
deck hands in tripe factory, engineers
of a one-donkey power canal boat, dairy
maid with an OK and two he goats as
the stock in trade, servant girl in poor
house or an orphan asylum. Be stock
gamblers, railroad directors, presidents
OF sausage stuffing machine, rag ven
dors, charcoal brawlers, or idiocy.spout-
ing senators. But never be even one
editor, for half one is three quarters
too much for any well-regulated family
to have about the house. Col. 7, Donan
before the Arkansas Press Association.
, 1880-01-29
He Wouldn't Be Beat.

Yesterday, when a man from the
region of Bucksnort sat on the edge Of
the sidewalk, splitting blood, police
man approached him and asked "Got
a hemorrhage have YOU? "No," said
the Bucksnort man, looking up until the
blood ran from the co,ners of his
mouth. ''Somebody hit you in the
mouth q "No." "Cow hook you |"
'No, sir, it is q business transaction" !"
"But here, / am an officer of this city
and it is my business to investigate such
a bloody transaction" ~ don't belong
to this town. My nam is Alf Hobbs,
and l live down nigh Bucksnort. I'll
tell you all about this transaction.
Some time ago came up to this town
with lot of meal, and COW, and
calf, and mule Well, after looking
around while, l sold the COW, and calf
and mule to dentist. He told me to
come back in day or two and he'd pay
me. l came back, and he still didn't
pay me, but suggested to Inc that I
could take it out in trade. I didn't
want any trade, as there warn'L bad
tooth in my head, but, thinks to my
self, III try you. So l sits right down
and said, Pull 'em out 'Pull what
out p says he. My teeth, says ] /; the
last one of them. So sot there and
he lifted the last one. ] hated to lose
'em, but l had to have my pay. But I
amt done yit. When l go home I'm
going to send up the old woman and
the children, and have the last tooth
drawed out of 'em. Then, if that don't
square the bill, am going to send up
my brother-in-law and have his teeth
pulled out won't be heat by any man
that belongs to the Little Rock Ring
Tn Bucksnort man, and 1 eat hog
sasssge Little Rock Gazette.
, 1880-01-29
Popular Eirrors.

That every yagrant is one as matter
of choice.
That a newspaper is to blame for the
wicledness it tells about.
That eycrybody's heart is oyerilowing
with hearty goodfallowship at the Christ
mas season.
Tha. u broker is lost to manIincss and
friendship because he calls for mud when
he desires to save himself from bearing
his customers losses.
That there ought to be a censorship
Of the press-it being q tough problem
where q better lou OF men, on the whole,
than the journalists are to be found to
exercise the censorship. 3
That the obscure is the profound-as
it is easy for any ass with a knowledge
of the big words in the dictionary to
make the most commonplace fact IN
comprehensive after he has dressed it
in rhetorical robes.
That skinlint softens at the thought
of general good cheer, instead OF being
more firmly grounded in his comforting
belief that his fellow-men are wastetul
and oxtravagant wretches who deserve
TO come to want.
That there's no use swearing off from
ones bad habits on next New Years
day because one has slipped up on former
efforts of the kind. The ant crawls into
view here, pushing before him his kernel
with exemplary perseverance.
That the man who tells a hungry fcl-
low-creature to "go out in the country
and rustic" is always hard-hearted
brute. lie is often thoughtless and
vain fellow who thinks that his own
merit, without any luck, has made him
more fortunate than the man he repes.
, 1880-01-29

Glow, then, who IS the plaintiff in
this casel' asked mis- honor, in Justice
Alley, yesterday as case was called.
No reply. 81 ask who is the plaintiff in
this casel' continued the court. 81
don't know anything about plaintiff" re-
piled a man in the corner as he slowly
rose, "but if you are asking for the chap
who was chased a mile and half and
then moppcd all over his own barnyard
by two desperadoes, I'm your man "
The naughty boy that sticks pins in
his family pew must feel that there is a
painful necessity for religious uprising
among bis relatives.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11

tbe root in n mortar with the Juice of half q lemon
and q piece OF butter pass the whole tnrouxn y
sieve Make pint OF melted butter, put the meat
from the tails into It, add dust OF cayenne, ana
when the sauce boIs stir it into the shrimp butter
Tablespoonful of cream This sauce may be maze Vi
the Florida canned shrmps, winch are cheaper than
the Others.
POTATO PuDDING.-Boil four large potatoes, ana
pass them through sieve stir into them powdered
loaf sugar TO taste and the yOkes OF two or tnree
eggs add few drops OF essence OF lemon, then
the whites of the eggs whisked 10 a iroth ma
quickly and well pour into plain mould buttered
and breadcrumbed, and bake for twenty minutes iii
quick oven.
GRUYERE SANDwICHFs.-Cut some slices OF bread
day old aud shave OFT the cIusts; cut also some
slices of GTuyere cheese-both bread and cheese
must be au eighth of an inch thick. Butter the
bread with fresh abd I sprRae aPe leaves
very finely chopped. III you cant get Waer-cIess
use tarragon, and sprinkle little OF the same 10
your salad dressing Put the slices OF cheese De
tween the slices of bread, press them lightly to-
gether. and cut the sandwiches In strips. ping
them nicely on plate. Serve immediately
To REMOVE LIME FROM TEAKETTLEs-A. - ";
says: boil potatoes the skins in the kettle TIL
the deposit of lime She OIL, then to keep IL OH DOH
a kettletul once week"
For GLOSSY SKIN" Wash the face clean with
SOAP then with clear water then rub 1t with little
dry meal or graham flour. Then breathe on the
hands and rub the skin lightly and the gloss VIII
disappear.-A b. W." This remedy is certainly
harmless.
Roll BUTTER-G. B. writes " Mrs. A. f.. II. IS
informed that for many years | have kept roll
butter perfectly sweet by placing the rolls closely
bat not crushed. either In stone or oaken vessel,
the bottom of which Is first covered with clean salt.
then the whole mass OF butter IS covered TWO OF
more inches deep with brine as strong as salt can
make 1t. and the vessel is then covered tightly
ANTs.-H. NJ. b. secures perfect immunity from
auts by using white hellebore. Inns sue puts
around her sugar barrel and under the papers on
her shelves Taken into the stomach it Is an irri-
tant so it is desirable to keep it from children.
swing shelf keeps the daily cooked food from Deing
q little sugar in 1T outside her closet window, and
while the supply lasts the ants keep away from the
closet.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11
GEORGE THE THIRD And HIS NOSE

From the Memoirs OF Lady ChahertOn.
When at Weymouth, George the Third used
frequently to drive to Kingston, my uncles
place near Dorchester, without giving any notice
OF his intended visit. ono day, he and the Royal
time, and were seen walking on the Terrace by my
aunt and her friends as they were rowing on the
large piece of water below. In their haste to get
on shore their boat got aground, and in attempting
to land they were covered with mud before they
reached the lawn. The King, who was delighted
with having surprised them III this condition, and
wished to break the formality of the visit, for
ward into the house. hid himself between the double
doors the entrance to the red drawing ROOM and
waiting there till he heard the party pass near, he
jumped out upon Queen Charlotte as she passed,
with the nursery ejaculation of Bo p Poor George
tho Third has had so large share of condemnation
from so many nlqpant people that II Is pleasant to
be fable to record such interesting traits of
character those handed down to NE by my
mother
Another instance of his good nature occurred
when my mother presented at Court in her
seventeenth year. My mother had sometimes met
with her aunt, Lady Middleton, at. II believed
Iunbridge Wells, and they had talked to her in
the pleasant familiar way they (but more particu-
larry George the Third spoke to those they liked
so that when my mother appeared with her hair
powdered after the fashion of tho time the good
natured King was so glad to see her that the CON
ventlonal kiss, gwen TO young girls on their first
presentation, was, on this OCCASION hearty and
atfeclOnate that his nose became covered with the
powder of her hair. The Kings face being rather
red, the white powdered nose produced a most
ludcrous effect, and the Lords in waiting perceiv-
ing suppressed laughter among the Court and see
ing the difficulty each succeeding lady experienced
in keeping her countenance as she advanced
venturrd to say to the King: Your Majesty has
powdered your nose" The King not quite hearing,
but perceiving that something must DO wrong
became alarmed, and said What-what-whafs
the matter my nose-my nosew My mother was
almost conyulsed with laughter which she
tried IN vain to suppress when she saw Queen
Charlottes severe eyes fixed reprovingly on
her. At last the King understood what had
occurred, and as he wiped the powder from his nose.
he burst into. hearty laugh to the great comfort
of my mother. who was then able to take her place
IN the Mnuet dc. la Cour with becoming gravity
anC grace. e'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11
BA1LADE or KSTHETIC 1DJECT1VES

From The S. JanieSS Gazette
There be subtle" and sweet" shat are bad ones
to beat,
And "sombre" they say, had run in its day;
There is much to be done yet with cody " and
meet"
And CHASTITY" and "grimly" and "gaunt" and
grey"
We should ever be "blithesome" (but never be
And "spleadent" goes nicely with Summer and
sea;
But of adjcctves all-you must not say me nay
Intense " is the adjective dearest to me!
The SHOWS and the rose should be ''plashing" and
fleet"
And L" frantic's' applied to Desire and Dismay;
Yea, "sangune," methiDks as the juice of the beet
Are /" the hands of the King" in general way.
The "hthe" Loves quicken, and sicken, aud slay
The " bright breasts " sob of the fair and the free I;
But Of pumage aesthetic that feathers the jay.
Intense" is the adjective dearest to me!
The maiden &" intense "-let us sit at her feet
And pelt her with arrows and blossoms of May.
The matron intense" is but rarely discreet,
But the singer intense in his singing array ~
VIII melt all our hearts with =" roundelay";
While " blIthe" birds carol" from tree to tree.
And Art unto Nature doth shipper and say,
4" Intense is the adjective dearest to me-"
Prince! it is surely as good as play.
To see how the poets and critics agree,
And of adjectives all that | use in my lay.
Z" Intense" is the adjective dearest to mel
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11
BLACK PEARLS.
From The Queen.
and grace.

contemporary says: ain reference TO the
rocent discovery in Vienna Of a valuable blocl
pearl supposed to have been of the three of the
same color that formerly adorned the English
crown, tho Banh correspondent of The aberdeen
Free FresS states that a gentleman there had
shown him black pearl Of rare value and beauty
that had been brought TO this country good MANI
years ago from South America by a shipmaste2
small pea and although jet black, IL has polish
OF great brilliancy 1t has been cut slightly on on
of the sides as If 1t had been previously placed in
setting. f'" iii
Black pearls are really not very uncommon f. tbev
are found, says Mr. Streeter, In tho Gulf of Panama
ana IN Western Australia, and rise in value from,
30 to 800 grain 1t appears that inferior colnrad
pearls are sometimes dyed black or russell b,own
ana sent INTO the market but the absence of tbe
true oriental nt and usrc marked that only
1he author Just quoted states that the fsmn "soh
TACO Oh the Impress Eug6aie. consisting Of row
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11

of matchess black pearls realised tho large sum Of
5000 after the removal Of the pearl forming the
snap, which was subsequently sold for 1000
guineas to form the centre of a bracelet.
In the manufacture of imitation black pearls,
With regard to pink pearls,of which mention has
been made above. we may remark that, when fine and
large they command exceptional prices. They are
Bahama Islands and vary in value according 10
their quality, shape. and size the price Raging
from five sbillngs TO $50 per grain. This kind Of
units lt for use as a personal ornament IL Is im-
tated In pale pink coral cut and fnised for the
purpose but the counterfeits fail to present the
peculiar sheen which distinguishes those that
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11
Mr. PLIMSOLL'S LETTER TO Mr.. BRAD
LAUGH
From The Pail Mall Gazette.


DEAR SIR: Your theological opinions and mine
are as opposite as the poles. l believe In God ana
III His Son Jesus Christ. and my only hope of accept
ance with God is based on the full atonement whi,n
Jesus Christ has made for me and for all. But 90
not find that He has anywhere authorized those
who 9elieye in Him to deprive those who do not De-
lieve In Him of their natural rights. On the eon.
trary believe that the attempt to do so is NOT Only
not the way to obtain adherents to His cause, butt
dramatically opposed to bis saying of "Whatso'
ever We would that men should do unto you. DO "
even unto them." j think there can DO no douo.
That the spirit now arrayed against you in , Ins
HOUSE ef Commons is the old spirit of doniDato..
and Intolerance, which If allowed TO gain tpe upper
hand would again deprive us. not only Of our "a
lislous liberty but of our civil rights and "ou''
light again tho fires of Smithfeld.
Had / still been In tho House OF Commons
shenld probably have said this there. l should eea
tainly have supported Mr.. Gladstone's worthy anu
weighty vindicstion of civil aud religious libe,n
by my vote as Is, wish TO stand II not y gs
side at least behind him. as one willing TO do Ds''
for civil and religious liberty, no matter IN woos'
person Its sacred principles are assaled, more e'E
CHILLY as there Is great danger of some beng ~
guied INTO striking deadly blow at liberty nDu,
tho mistaken idoa that they are deiehaips -
SAAUEL PlIAsQSis e
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-07-11
CARING IND GLIDING.

"You see," said our host as we entered his DOORS
Il have furnished my house q Ia LOUIS QuartOrze"
Then wish" said guest, when you ask TO eat,
You would furnish your board Ia Louis Dix HUT,
The eve cannot feast when the stomach is starving
Pray less Of your gliding and more of your carving"
r. T.. WARBURTOS
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25
LEGISLATIVE PROSPECTS.

w. w. Hobart, editor of the Eureka Lead-
e., and Assemblyman elect, outlines the fol
lowing as the probable result of the labors OF
the next Legislature. The writer doubtless
speaks by the card and the prospect which he
outlines is not particularly encouraging:
After calmay surveying the field and talk
ing with many of the legislators, both elect
and heldover, the writer is Of the opinion
that there is very little hope for securing the
passage of legislation that will insure to the
benefit of the State expenses and consequent
keeping OF the State tax down within reason
able limits The members elected by the
dominant party have their hobbies and none
OF them lie in that direction. OF course, in
theft eyes their first and paramount duty is
to elect James G. Fair to the United States
Senate. There may be few of the Demo-
cratic members who, if they could get suf
ficient following, would make show of op-
position to him until given some weighty and
convincing arguments for deslsting, but they
are fellows mostly of the basef class, and their
Objects transparent that it will deter m my
ofwhom really would like tosupport some man
better fitted for the position than Mr. Fair.
from joining them. The Democratic leaders in
Legislature, after the Senatorslsip is disposed
of, will introduce and pass a bill providing
for the modification of the bullion tax. And
why notl As the Leader has repeatedly
pointed out the people have virtually endors-
ing such measure Besides Mr.. Fairs sue
cessful efforts in behalf of the Democracy are
deserving of substatial recognition. He has
expended large sums for the party's benefit,
variously estimated at from $50 900 10y the
Sentinel to 5000, 900 by the discounted Re-
publicans He is a thrifty and far seeing
man withal, especially in financial matters
He is interested in millions of tons of low
grade ores, shines and tailines. Should he
be able to induce the Legislature to so mod
ify the bullion tax as to practically exempt
these ores, shines and talings from taxation,
his money will have been well expended,
and in the long run his Senatorial toga will
cost him nothing. Under the plea of foster
ing the great and paramount industry of the
State, grea: many, and possibly majority,
of the legistors can be induced to thus indi-
rectly reimburse Uncle Jeems for his extra
ordinary expenses in the late campaign. An
able lieutenant of the Bonanza majority is
bill to carry out this great "fos.
tering and encouraging idea" The Demo
cratic legislators are also preparing and hav-
ing prepared for them batch of bills re-
stricting fares and freights, aimed at orr
system of short. line State railroad
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25
CARRICK'S CONVICTION.

The conviction of Carrick, the defaalting
Treasurer of Storey county, is surprise to
many. It is a rare thing for Comstock
jury to do its duty In this instance men of
the right timber seemed to have been in the
jury box and just verdict was rendered
The fact of Carrick being an old and respect
ed citizen very properly made no difference,
and the verdict was in full accord with the
testimony against the accused. Had it hean
otherwise it would have simply been an invi-
tation for every man in official position to
help himself to public money. Carrick will
receive his sentence on Wednesday next.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25

There is likely to be an investigation al
Washington to inquire into the nanagome nt
of Homes for disabled veterans Of the war.
Last week a veteran who wanted to go on the
Intirm Pension List was thWarted i'll ms de-
signs by Ben Butler. Whereupon the disap :
pointed veteran bombarded But lers house
with bricks and demolished most OF the win
dows. Ellis course" the Enterprise remarks,
she furnished the most conclusive proof that
no was not a proper person to be considered
disabled or nfrmed."
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25

AGAINST the Fitz John Porte" bill, passed
in the Senate, there will be a vigorous hsht
in the House. logically, the original OIL
which restored him as Major General the
actual rank in which he was serving when
dismissed. and which gave him pay for the
time during which he was, it is claimed inn
properly kept out of the service was s'lo''sei
than this one. That would have peeh llh''
verdict of not guilty-a vindicatlon, TINS Is
only the Scotch verdict, mot proven" II IL is
that. Still, it is said, there are many members
of the House who will fight even this.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25
AGREAr

East because Gen.. Schofeld's wife has been
winning number OF West Pointers over to
the ranks of Catholism. In America there
has never been any law, as far as heard from,
against believers in any creed raking in prose-
lytes to their faith as long as no coersion was
used and as the cadets were not hang by the
heels or fiayed with the cat-o-nine tails in
order to make them kneel at the altar of Mrs.
Schofeld's faith, there certainly can be no
arrests or imprisonments under the Constitu-
tion.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25

THE Mussel Slough settlers have been con-
yic,od. They killed men who were endeav-
orinG forcibly to eject them from ground
which they had paid for, improved and lived
for years upon. II these settlers had gone to
San Francisco and shot their victims i'll the
bacl: they would have had no trouble i'll Sc
curing an ac4uittal on the grounds OF lnsan-
itv. The Mussel Slough men have much to
learn vet about murder under the law.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25

NELLIE AND KATE.-When Kate Chase mar
ried Senator Sprague, every body thought
Kate had made a lucky choice. When Nellie
Hubbard, daughter of one Of Connecticut's
x-Governor's, married a coachman, every
body thought that Nellie was in hard luck.
Kate was ambitious to be the mistress Of the
White House. and linked herself to miserly
old curmudgeon, whom she had no liking for,
that she might win certain place in society.
After leading life of utter misery and wretch
edness she began to hunt around the country
to find fathers to her children, and SO swears
in her complaint for divorce. She is now
a poverty stricken, friendless outcast, with
her life wrecked utterly, her dreams of ambi-
ton but the saiddest awakenings, her air cas-
ties but the vanished masonery Of the clouds;
while Nellie, the coachman's wife, is raising
babies right in the family, eating three square
meals day, and mending her lords old pants
in peace and contentment Society at large
appears to be rather poor judge Of matri-
monial alliances.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-12-25
PROF. WATSON, of Ann Arbor, recently de-

PROF. WATSON, of Ann Arbor, recently de-
ceased gives by bis will s., o0Oto his wife and
an annuity of $500 year; an annuity of $50
. year to his mother, and the balance of his
property. valued at 100000, goes to the Ma
tonal Academy of Sciences, and to fund for
gold medals to astronomical discoveries. The
world will pronounce this man in migrate to
his family, and favor the breaking Of the will.