The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-10-28

from thence passed into tho mythology.
$500. Sparks.
/ Bees coll their own honey.
A joint afair-A rheumatism.
Waste Of T-Putting it In depot.
A bouncing baby-A rubber doll.
A ship ruled BY women Courhhip.
Blue fshing-When they don't bite.
Grand aunt of the world-Ant-,quity.
A stag is frequently obliged to run for
deer life.
Light literature-A bank book with no
balance.
How to keep your rooms warm-Keep
your CRATES coapd.
Would it be vulgar to call soothing
syrup hdnappers
Many high-mlnded schoolgirl dis
dams vulgar fractions.
Why is q shoemaker like an honest
lover2 Because he 10 faithful to the
last.
"lt you make it hoptional with me, -
says the Englishmal, "1ll take beer"
Tennyson spends hours on single line.
So, by the way, does the washerwoman.
In written spelling exercise, ''fo,e-
goes was 6 iven out; little boy wrote,
''Go, 60, 60, Co."
Said the lsndlady: "l've given YOU
your board, Bill, and now I want you to
give me my board-bill.''
When . cat gives IN entertainment on
the top of wall, it isn't the cat We OBJ
ject to, It's the waul.
Why is mans chin the most unlucky
part Of his body1 Because it is constant
ly getting into scrapes.
The reason given why an old toper's
mouth would make good sole leather, was
that it would never let in water.
This is the latest for wedding invita-.
tons: "Come around and zee us capture
mother-in-law, at eight O'Clock, sharp"
A farmer, when dagellating two of his
unruly boys, was asked what be was do
ing. "Thrashing Wild oats," was the re-
ply.
If your son has no brains don't send
him to college,"
You cannot make q palace out of q
shanty by putting French root on it.
The CRATE art of kontentment konsists
not only in being satisfied with what We
have got, but with what We haint nor
kant git.
Has any paragrapher ever called a
young lady speaker at q woman's rights
meeting wind lass9 Hes "a real mean
thing" if he has.
"Aunty, vot makes de little baby cry
so9 Do it want IL mudder9"
"Yes, dear, and it's fodder too"
Full many rose Is born to blush un-
seen, and waste it's fragrance on the des.
ert air; full! many MP is taken behind
the screen, and cloves and coffee, too, are
eaten there.
The two important events in the life
of man are, when he examines his upper
lip and sees the hair coming, and when
he examines the top of his head and sees
the HAIR going.
| A western pader mentions rattle
snake being killed by "a man with thir-
teen rattles." The man must have been
policeman, though very few policemen
carry thirteen rattles.
Puck: Meikoff says that proving
for the Gar is altogether too expensive
tor family man. He is either to strike
for an increase of pay or to charge shoot
age.
The Irish people can't eat the speeches
made in this country over their woes,
nor yet make soup of the resolutions
passed at mass meetings. What they
want is pork and potatoes.
"Why Hans you have tho most fcmi-
nine cast Of countenance I have ever
seem"
20, yaw,'' was the reply, II know de
reason for dat; mine modder was wo-
man."
"Say," said city youth to a modest
your hair yet2'
WALL, was the delicate reply, II jedge
not, by the way the calves run after me"
They tell story about q Yankee tai
lor dunning man for the amount of his
bill. The man said he was sorry, very
sorry indeed, but he could not pay it.
"Weu," said the tailor II took you
tor man who would be sorry; but if
you are sorrier than I am, I'll quit"