Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-10-15
Mabel's Lover.
f. u n


SUMMER FABLES. Goldfish was one
day sailing around in search of some one
who might be inclined to a religious dis
pute, when he came across clam. That was
in the days when Goldfish put on heap of
airs over the Clam tribe, and this particu-
lar fish stuck up his nose at that particu-
lar Clam and begun:
s'Here you are, grubbing away on this
same old sand bank for living, while
have journeyed over thousand miles in
the last four weeks
IL am quite content replied the Clam.
81 am rather near-sighted, slow On foot,
and nature did not intend me to travel far.
Neither Of us make any more than living
and am satisfied if your are.'
''Yes, but you have such an outlandish
shape" sneered the Cod. why, there's
neither head, nor tail, nor legs, nor arms
to you. Your eyes are scarcely to be seen,
and one little grin for cent would split
your whole face open.''
''My eyes are plenty large enough to see
that no two fish in the ocean agree" tart
ly replied the Clam, land seeing this, l
have no bones to trouble the Threats of hui
manity.''
'tWell, am thankful that wasn't born
to begin and end my days in sand-bank.
I take IN all the free-lunches Small fish
fear me, and big ones can't catch me. See
howl glide around"
The Cod took a circle around to show
off, stood on his head, fourished his tail,
and then asked:
s'Can any of the Clam family do half of
that ?'' Df|f4
GAS I said before,'' quietly replied the
Clam, 1--WE were not cut out for either Or
ators or acrobats. What can't do let
alone and don't worry over"
At that moment a fish-hook nicely bait:
ed dropped down between them.
''Now, if you only had a little more
mouth you could get enough at one gulp to
last you all day." remarked the Cod as he
eyed the bait. GAS it is, you may stand
by and see me take in that banquet. just
see what mouth may do for one in this
world.''
He opened his mouth, made dive for
the bait, and was about to wink at the
Clam with his left eye when he was sud-
ly pulled out of the water and landed in
the boat.
81 think, unused the Clam as he closed
his shell, s'that it is great deal nicer to be
a Clam in sand-bank than Cod in a
fishing boat, but l II be open to argument
next flood time.''
MORAL.
It is everything to know when to shut
up.-Free Press.
There was ward meeting at Galveston
few nights ago and the coming man made
little speech to the boys. Among those
present was Gilhooly, who was supposed
to be friend of the coming man. Much
to the surprise of the speaker, as soon as
he got under way Gilhooly began to be dis
agreeable. When the coming man went
on to say how much he loved to serve the
people, Gilhooly said in a loud voice:
''That s lie, and you knowit," The COM
ing man did not care to have row and
endeavored to proceed quietly, but Gil
hooly Kept on making such remarks as
''What was your name before you came to
Texas ?'' "You amt fit to be elected dog
pelter, and you know it, Finally patience
ceased to be virtue, and Gilhooly was
elected. Next day the coming man met
Gilhooly, who told him he was sorry that
he interrupted the meeting and abused
him so, but it was sacred duty he owed
himself. "What do you mean by abusing
me that way ?" said the coming man.
ssWell, you see, the other fellow that is
running against you has promised me
deputyship if I place him under obliga-
tions, SO hope you won't object to my
taking little liberties with an old friend
like you by calling you thief and rascal
occasionally" .sYou needn't abuse me to
help him. You can go about praising
him if you want to.' 81 can't conscien-
tiously do SO. I can praise him because
I have no respect for him; so, you see, l
have to abuse you because you are gen
tlemen. It would hurt my feelings to have
you think I would praise man who did
not deserve it,"
The Father of his Country was an as
tute husband and singularly just.
Martha he said three days after his
marriage, 1--WE might as well understand
each other. I am prepared to admit that
the late Mr. Gusts was the best man that
ever lived. He wasa good provider and most
excellent in every conceivable way. But
he is dead. I am frank to say that l cam
not weep over it. 1t is simply so. Let us
not resurrect him. Let the dear old fellow
rest in peace. He was too good for this
world. We will not call him back. Let
me hear no more regarding the late Mr..
Crptis, my dear" These simple words,
firniy spoken, secured Mr.. Washington
much peace and almost as much matrimo-
nia5happiness as though he had married
the lady known as the Highland Beauty.
Good,morning, remarked two gentle
men as they stepped upto the bar. ''Morn-
in gentlemen, whatH it be - asked the
barkeeper.s~.sNe I'll take Hancock
tail'' '.Give me ci-Gar-feld." said the
other, and then they both laughed and said
it was very good joke.