Connecticut western news., 1880-11-03
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner Discusses the Poor
 Fund Question.

QO1Se, I'll Qo hlme-huu CIuD WOulu uo anyfing dis winter fur de cull'd poo of Detroit. De same queshun cum up las var, an my answer was de same. I shall have de same answer for de same queshun while I have my senses. I kin member when dar was no poo funds. Den dar was no poo people to feed. Poo men knew dat dey mus work or starve, an dey worked. You couldn't find 'em on co'ners, hangin' round groceries or loafn' on de docks. I war in dis city long huff befo' it was popular to snuffle ober de poo, an l nebber heard of case of starvashun, or freezin' to death. Go up an down de back streets now an you'll find Ioafers, drunk ards, brawlers, an spehdthrifts by de score, no one carin' fur de comin' winter becase de city will raise big poo fund, an take keer of dem. Loaferism, drunkeness an pauperism am increasin' right Tong, an de poo fund am respon- sible fur it. The man who works as hard as I do, libes clus an dresses plainly has right to ask me fur help If misfortin' cums to him, an I am only doin' my dooty to aid him, but de idea dat we must fill de stomachs an clothe de backs of people who drink an loaf an quarrel an sot aroun' on de fence am monstrously absurd. I won't do it! I won't glib one cent to no poo fund, nor will raise my han to help full grown people in health. It's a sham from eand to eand. It am blackmail on workin', sabin' men, an I rebel De biggest public fraud of de aige am pub lie charity. It hasn't an argument in it nor reason to suppo't it. Dat's my solid opinyun, an if de gushin' phil umtropists doan' like it dey needn't take it.'
 Among the fourteen petitions re- ceived was one embrasing the follow ing:
 NEW ORLEANS, Oct. 15 1880. Brother Gardner:
 DEAR sIR-In making application for mem 
 testimony to that of others regarding the bene- fits our race has received from your lectures and the general proceedings of the club. My brother Richard has been in bed with lame back for over three years. Your remarks on the subject of intemperance worked cure in three days. John Hyhoss, of this city, has been 8 great sufferer from dyspepsia for years. One song of the Glee Club killed him stone dead and brought relief and happiness to a large circle of devoted friends. I myself was threatened with IL ~c Brother Altitude Smith made well man of me. l could name g. dozen other instances, but must close and go to the Post-office. I am the chief janitor of the Custom House here, and can refer you to the Collector, Postmaster, District Judge and Marshal.
 Very truly,
 GAMBRINUs KooP.
 THE EpIzooTIC.
 Col. Bradley Ames, ex-Senator oi Louisiana, and now porter on a palace car running out of Detroit, was an- nounced in the ante-room, and he was invited to seat on the platform and asked to make few remarks. He grace. fully began as follows:
 "What am dis epizootic which am now disgracin' dis kentry from eend to eend Whar' did it start, an whar' will it stop Am de epizootic species of malaria fever, or does it rise from state O. somnambulism None of us Greek anc Latin scholars have found any reference to it in de works of Plato or Pliny, an we am darfore of de opinyun dat i didn't begin to percolate de world unti later date. I might go back to dt days of de Pyramids, but what goot would dat do? might progbusticatt ten fousand vars ahead, but I can't set what benefit dat would impregnate t. de present condition of parsimony. will darfore incubate decision until d. fatulency am disposed of an disbant my furder remarks"
 The speaker was loudly cheered by { majority of the members, but it wa noticed that some of the old heads lik' Rev. Penstock, Pickles Smith, Cyclon' Jones and Cultivator Tompkins didn' participate worth cent.
 | BETTER THAN EITHER.
 The Fifth Assistant Auditor of tn Post-ofice Department, schedule B o the missing letter department, forwarde' the following query: ''Is person wh has a police whistle in his pocket an, safer than a man who can jump six rail fence ?"
 "At de fust glance dat seems an cas- cenundrum," answered the old man a he reached for the letter, "but whe you ponder on it you mus see dat d jumper can't allus fin fence to jump He may jump agin a house, or a tree or a hedge. He may jump ober a fenc to escape robbers only to be tackled b 8 wolf-trap, or 8 bulldog. If you he 8 purleece whistle, an de purleece he time to answer 8 call, an you lay d whistle down and tackle de pusson a1 hold him fast till de officer arroves, am better dan jumpin', but de chance am dat de jedge will let de man off al hint dat you didn't hev case huff t hang a hat on. Seems to me, consideril ; all circumferences, dat it am de bes' t take street kyar fur as ye kin an pr in some tall runnin' de balance of d way"
 "De President doubtless meant to sa circumstances instead of circumfel ences," remarked the Rev. Penstock 6 he gracefully strengthened his spin' : column.
 : "Brudder Penstock, dis char want it distinctly understood dat when it say circumferences it doan' mean nuffl else !''
 "Some folks would have said circun | s4a.aon N ndand fho Rauarond nr l,o e.