The Sunday mirror., 1880-07-25
FUNNY THINGS.
LIGHT READING FOR LEISURE HOURS.

whoever he met. Suddenly thinking of the
tracts, he thrust his hand into his pocket, at
the same time exclaiming to his companion :
care you prepared to die ?" 'Be jabers Pm
not" was the response, as the peddler
sprang from the vehicle and dashed down
the road with the speed of locomotive, his
frightened imagination fraught with horrible
visions of highway robbery and murder.
LIvKs Of grocery men remind us
They make their starch half lime,
And with sugar wholly blind us.
Putting sand in all the time.
THE peril of employing highly educated
young men as clerks was again illustrated
yesterday A woman stopped at a green
grocers andasked 6" Is them lettuce fresh 2"
"You mean that lettuce" suggested the
clerk, "And it is fresh" Then you'd better
eat it" she snapped, as she walked on.
LEVER, the novelist, noticing that the hand
of woman who was bringing him some tea
at a small country hotel, shook tremulously,
kindly said to her, am sorry to see, Biddy,
that you have weakness in your hand"
(. oh, your honor" she replied with glance
of indescrbable humor, "the wakeness is
not in me hand, but in the tay-pot."
A SAILOR asked reverend gentleman
on board the boat if he could tell the differ
ence between priest and donkey. Tb3
reverend gave it up. "The donkey wed
his cross on his back, and the priest his on
his breast" was the reply. "And can you
tell me the difference between donkey and
sailora" queried the priest. "No,
can't" said the sailor. "Neither can l."
said the priest.
JUDGE S-had very wild son, named
Bob, who was constantly on spree, and,
upon being brought up once before the court
for drunkenness, the judge cried out, Is
that our Bob1" Clerk; eyes, sir" Judge:
"Fine the rascal two dollars and costs; I'd
make it ten dollars, if didn't know it would
come out of my own pocket"
JUDGE: "Prsoner, why will you drink
Now look at mel l am 60, and never
tasted liquor" Prisoner: "You've lost lots
of fun, then, judge, sure as you're born."
WHAT is the use ofa standing army? Why
it sit DOWN.
"WHILE there's life there's SOAP" says
he washerwoman.
WHO introduces the spring styles The
Icrobat in the circus, of course.
z" SHALL hereafter darn your stockings 2"
S said to be fashionable language for a |
foung lady to use when making leap-year
proposal.
THERE was an old man and he said, "a how
Shall ever escape from this terrible cow"
So he sat on style and continued to smile,
To soften the heart of this terrible COW.
A MAN having fallen into slough, an
standing by called to another for
assistance. The latter, busily engaged in
cutting log, leisurely inquired: "How
deep is he inf" sup to his ankles" "Then
there's plenty of time" "No, there amt"
replied the first, "I forgot to tell you he
went in head first"
A FARMER, the other day, came into
town in a great bluster, inquiring of every
body he met, il they had seen his COW. A
wag called him to one side and said he saw
a COW hide in shoe shop as he, the owner,
came round the corner.
WHY is hen immortal? Because her
son never SETS"
"WHY is your moustache like my back
hairl" asked Wilmington damsel of a
young man. He gave it up. "Because it's
all down." was the solution.
A SOLDIER was going off the field too
hastily, when the provost guard cried Z
"Haltl |"
"Can't."
Wounded 7"
"No."
"What's the matter ?"
"I'm scared, and want to get to the
to rally"
THIN MAN." Boy, what's that huI
looking dog of yours following me
"Guess he thinks you're bone"
A SOMEWHAT intoxicated individual
two street cars passing him the other ej
ing, with red and blue lights in the fl
and rear. " Must be pretty sickly coun
round here" he observed, "when they
drug stores round on wheels"
A ABLUNDERBUss-Kissing the wrong girl.
"SIR," said an astonished landlady to a
boarder who had sent his cup forward for
the tenth time, "you must be very fond Of
coffee 2" "Yes, madam, / am" he re-
piled, cor should never have drank so
much water to get little"
A YANKEE, describing an opponent, says:
tell you what, sir, that man don't amount
to sum in arithmetic-add him up and
there is nothing to carry"
"PAPA, didn't you whip me once for BIZ
ting Tommyf"
eyes, my child, and you hurt him very
much"
"Well, then, papa, you ought to whip
sisters music teacher, too; he bit sister yes