The Northern Pacific farmer., 1880-03-18
HUMOROUS.
A SABBATH REVERE.

From 9 collecting trip,
From out his vest upon the plate
He lays poker chip.
A Boston prisoner was asked by the
magistrate if he struck the man IN the
heat Of passion: mo; I struck him in
the pit of the stomach" Nothing like
being accurate when you're in trouble,
or when you're out of it, either.
Talk about acting Juliet When you
see Mary Anderson come out on the
Capulet balcony, lay her piece of chew.
ing gum on the railing, and reach for
Romeo, you see acting real enough to
craze Harvard student.
"Do animals resist temptation ?" asks
Popular Science, and the editor theories
on the subject for three hours, instead
ofgoing out and making practical ex-
pertinent by shaking q red flag at a
goat.-Boston Post.
The Boston Globe notices that King
Alphonso wears a necklace of black
beans as charm. Boston papers al
ways did speak we'll of Alphonso, and
they have stood by him faithfully in
two marriages, and other troubles. 1t
was the bean.-Picoyume.
In the report of "swell wedding" it
was written: "Her dainty feet were in
cased in shoes that mi ght have been
taken for fairy boots," but the compost
tor made it read, F'shoes that might
have been taken for ferry boats."
Human nature is quecr]y constitut-
ed. The average man doesn't feel as
bad when he receives $40 too much
change as he does when he gets 10 cents
too little. He Is more anxious to cor
rect the little mistake than he is to rec
tify the big one.
"Butter supposed to be q thousand
years old has been found in peat bog
in Ireland" This may be an i'm portant
discovery, but it is not likely that the
vein is large enough to alleviate one
fourth of the distress in that country.
What is wanted now is for some person
to discover bread quarry and load of
potatoes.
The baggage-master of the Central
Pacific railroad says that he recently
saw Chinese cigar manufacturer past
ing labels on his boxes on which was
printed, "The Chinese Must Co." Ask.
ing the Chinaman what ne did that for,
the reply was, ''Sand-lot man he read
that, buy the box, smoke my cigar"
"Too badw The New Cook swell,
I declare! Here I've been and give
six guineas for g. new dress to keep up
the r'spectability of the 'ouse, and
here's misses, in a dowdy thirty -shillin'
'ulstrer,' a-comin' from that there La
dies Cooperative Economical Millin.
gerry Observation-Disclosures Punch.
am past 60 years old, and every now
and then I meet relick who knu me
forty.fve years ago, and remembers
some deviltry I was guilty of then.
Amt it strange how tenacious the
memory is of these things, and how
weak it is ov ennything good q feller
may have accidently done?-Josh Bil-
iags.
Murder is sometimes iustifable. A
cook was dispatched by lady the 9TH
er day and buried in the back yard,
and nobody who knew the circumstan-
ces found the least fault. there was a
guest brought home to dinner, and the
cook selected that occasion to come to
the foot Of the basement stairs and
bawl, "Say, mum, will + warm up the
soup left over since yesterday?"-Byt
talo Commercial Advertiser.
Once upon time the mule, without
having received an invitation, attended
q convention of animals that was call
ed for discussing the best methods OF
family government. "What do you
know about all this?" asked the presi-
dent tauntingly; "have you ever raised
any children?" The mule wept. "Ah,
no." she said, II never raired anything
but fullgrown men; but, land of the
pilgrim, you should see how I raised
them-you should see me raise man
that weighs as much as David Davis"
Upon rising vote the mule was imme-
diately elected financial secretary, With
power to send for persons and papers.
Bvrdette.