Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1880-05-01

Auf " va SSuu N 100 OVOI wy oD!NAV W
Boys, shun such a Stopper. Don't
marry her. If it's bein hitched to u
beam with a halter round your neck,
or tide to such a woman with matri-
monial moose about you, an old mans
advice is, hitch to the beam.-Old
Nick would furnish you a cooler breth
than such q femail as I've painted.
If she trots off as if every particular
brick was indebted to her, for the
honor of bearing up such exquisite
bein, bringing down the toe Of her
French gaiter in such q manner that
her mouth seems just puckered up
like she was goin' to say: elbows
that for hight
Continually findin fault because tho
bricks for her to tired on are not made
of gold instead of mud.
Boys, she haint the critter to hitch
up with. 9"
She wouldn't drive double worth q
cent.
Besides, you laint good enough for
her, and she'll tell you so before the
weddin guests leave the house.
The poorest cur that ever picked a
Twin about a slaughter house, would
be a king to the hlsbin of such q
peece of furniture.
A femail who steps off kickin up
her slipshod heels to the middle Of
her back-her shoe strings tlyin in
all directions, lassooin the lower ex-
tremities of h,tchin posts and other
beins, deelin out in her perambula-
shuns, shin scrapers to her unsuspec-
tin followers, would advise you to
let such loose-jinted calikers pass.
Ifyou invest in such stock, button
less shirts, holy stockins, dirty faced
young uns, puddins favored with
Scotch snuff, bed-bugs and the thou
sand and one accompaniment Of asia
tern, will combine to made your life
interestin.
A woman with a sudden, nervous
gait-whose feet turn in-when on q
trot she interferes with both feet as
well as interferes with eyerybody's
Observation-Disclosures countenance looks
as if she washed it every morning
with vinegar and lie Of vitrol-whose
nose looks as if mortifcashun had
sot in from too much snuff takiD, who
looks ON that beest man as dog on
peece of meat, only to be torn to
peeces and then devoured.
Boys, in thecourse of human events,
such u conglomerate mass of human
matter gets after you, your goose is
coolzt. Ifyou get weeded to a femail
of this sort, you want to hunt up the
most approved method for washin
dishes, tendin baby, and dom gen.
eral assortment of household doOties,
for such woman will he off attendin
wimmens rite conventions, and kickin
up a muss generally until Lucifer ar
rives with his ferrybote to tow her
across the river Sticks.
Boys, havin told YOU the rong gait,
let me tell you the right one.
If the fair promenader steps off
with a gentle movement of the lower
extremities, her toes turned out, just
sufficiently to tit between her feet,
when standin still, a3 inch piece Of
pie, as she steps off redqlent with
smiles, as if she Thought the world
was made for all human beins, and it
was a dooty we owe to each other to
shed as much Sunshine about us as
the Maker of all nature had endowed
us with.
With a kind word for all the afflict-
ed and needy, a proper respect for
the aged.
With a heart so tender, she would
rather step into the gutter, than tired
on a worm that was crawling in her
path with her habiliments meet, but
not gaudy.
The roses on her cheeks sparklin as
if they were fast cullers, and warrant
ed to wash.
Bowin as polite to the thredbare
Rasserby as to the queen in silks.
Boys, when You run agin such a
treasoor, mark my words, her prise is
above roobies and fine gold.
My advice is, get her if you can.
With such woman your house will
be a paradise.
Every button will be in it's place,
your puddin free from night cap
strings and waste hair.
Instead of your wife bein off attend
in hen Conversations, and other sore
eyesiss institushuns, she will settle
down to her legitimate dizziness in a
bildin up harth stun, that will make
the mouth Of all hen-peck husbins
water like q thunder storm in Jewli.
Git such wife, and after dizziness
hours, go hum to her, and not pass
your time hangin about corner gro
ceries and making COMPOUNDED beest
Of yourself generally.
How foolish for artists to represent
Cupid &c the God of loro u.bor ,vn ~