Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1880-04-22
[PssOa0s.5eEOs'.
Colonel solon's wedding Gift.
Oil City Derrick

O1l C1ty Defrlck.
tive been a-thinkin' to-day,
said Colonel Scion, as he cams
into the Derrick Office yester
day, "of my old chum, Jos
Blinker. You never knoweC
him. Me an him were cronies
in the army, and We were the
best O. friends for nigh on TWEEN.
ty years, till he married the old
maid johnson. That kinder
split the thing, an we amt
spoke since"
"You shouldn't have dropped
the acquaintance just becuase
he got married, Colonel"
"Oh, I didn't drop it. 'Twa'n't
me, but twas all along of O
present / sent 'em. You see a
few weeks afore the weddin'
Joe come to me an sez he,
Colonel, | knows as how yer a.
goin' to give me some sort of a
present. OF course seq I.
'An',' continues Joe, 'ef it's all
the same jest yer Civ US su'thin'
useful instead O. ornamental, OF
|ye might make it useful as well
as ornamental sez be. sOnly
don't give us any gimcracks an
hifalutins wat don't do any
good
"Joe,' sez /, 1'll do'er. Yer
sensible to the last
"This was afore / wuz marri-
ed, yer know, and | wuz jest as
ignorant of wimmen kind as q
is of Italyun opera.
But thinks / to myself, it must
be suthin' ornamental as well as
useful, an / was bound to fill
the bill. / studied on that pres
ent for a whole week and dream
ed of it at night. / started
-oncet to buy Joe a boot-jack,
all painted over with yaller and
red, an then | thinks | oughter
git suthin' for the bride instid
of Joe. AT last / hit it. Miss
johnson was skinny and old, so
old she'd lost all her upper teeth.
/ saw her laff one day when /
went along with Joe to see her,
an that ar vacancy below her
upper lip, like a hole where a
board Fad been knocked off a
barn, jest jagged the idee right
inter my head. | got. the most
beautiful set O. teeth yer ever
saw. Nice ivory sot in gold.
joe sez l to myself, Joe, I've
hit it: useful as well as orna-
mental ~ -
"Waal, when the day sot for
the marriage cum ON / had the
.rheumaticks an couldn't go.
But Ed got a big card printed
with the biggest letters in the
printin' office, Compliments of
Colonel Solon to the Br,de,'
along the top. an then l tied OH
The teeth In the middle oil the
card, an jest below | put this
Ter bit OF sentiment in big let
ters which l writ myself:
Mature abhors vacancy ils
But tits our joy still o. f;,
To knew that peoples toothless gums
20 A dentists art can GIL t.l-i ltt
3 IL tho't twas a very neat sen
timent, an / repeated it oyer to
myself sey'ral times. We'll, yer
see, I sent that card up anil The
boy stuck it right up in the
middle of the table Just as the
ceremony was a bein' perform
ed, am yer could have read
those letters clear across the
room. The minister saw 'em
an he jest stopped for a sekund
an then went on as if he wcrn't
sartin of the words, and some
body kinder, snickered, an The
bride looked around, am she
saw it, an'A1wa'al, they dew say
she broke rite off and tore that
air kard inter FIVE hundred piee-
es and chucked the teeth out
the back door, an burned nigh
broke up the weddin'.
"An' that's why Joe's family
an mine don't hitch, though,
sakes alive, he didn't get pres
ent that day that 'ud have inn
proved the appearance of his
household so much as them air
teeth" ~"