The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-09-11
VARIETY.

1t is easy to breakfast in bed if you will be
sasIs6ed with few rolls and a turnover.
The moon and q man are alike. La that the
fuller they get the longer they stay out at night
The darky's hour 10 just before the dawn"
remarked Sambo when he started out before day
break to steal young chicken for breakfast.
Every church sexton considers himself ford Of
the aisles.
Doubtful politicians are one and all opposed to
barbed-wire fences
There ara "a ,43l federal Offices in the United
States. You might think it would be difficult to
end men 70 fll them, but il isn't
Division Of LAbor-Aunt Mary-'.Well,
Tommy. shall 4 carry your bat and stupPs for
you 2" Tommy-''No, aunty; tank. Me tarry
bat and 'tumps. 90 tarry me-
elf ever catch you suekin' them eggs again -
said the irate granger as he found the boy in his
barn Them eggs / never shall suck agin 20
uas the assuring response.
A Iittle girl read q composition before the
minister The subject was: "a cow She weay-
ed In this complimentary sentence: "The COW IL
the most useful animal in the world except re-
e IigiOn-" ta i-ii't it'f
A little sx -year-Old boy astoniehed hs mother
By exclaiming: 81 wish I was an angel" =" Won
dsring why holy thoughts were 6lling his young
mind, she waited for q reason. "Then l could see
all the eircuses at once" ..
There is probably no habit more abiding than
that Of mendacity. The babe lies in Its mothers
sArms. and after long life Of diversified falsehood
,the old man lies ~ the point Of death. And,
more; A monument is raised where his body lies,
bearing the vIcarous fb, ''Not dead but sleepeth.
In . California church last Sunday, while the
pastor was reading the Bible, pistol in the con-
gregaEiOn went OF, and in the confusion the dea-
, .eon's hat with the days contrib stion went of
aleo- The outraged worshippers were, at last ae-
counts. IN search Of that hat There seems to be
no doubt that the heathen got the money all
right, for once
The Boston girls are rushing into Violinity in q
way that u terribly suggestive Of the horrors
which unborn generations are to sup upon,-
which reminds rs Of an Incident At one Of the
evening fddling schools, the professor asked
one Of the misses rather abruptly,-'sW Where is
vOur bow, Miss Rosinwell 7'' "0h,'' she said,
sbssraetediy, she's waiting for me outside,
guess" And then every drop OF blood rushed
into her face. and when she began to practice her
violin gave vent 70 cries OF one undergoing tor
4. tzre-
Father, really must have, a new muslin
drean Eor this Sammer." "Annie, dear, would
like 70 gss you one if ! could afford it; but it
costs Is every tune it is done up, and you will
hayss % wear your silks, I am afraid 80 ut is
expensive, father, I admit; but Charley thinks il
il awfulIy cheap, and never shall catch him un-
less play economy. Don't you see It will pay
in the end D. - rirt. 'a)ft
Down Broadway the other day. there was an
sntanglement OF carriages, and an old lady IN an
omnibus squealed like peacock; "Oh we shall
Ese killed 2" pardon, madam, said another OF
che passengers. .'What can you fear 7 Don c you
.see that our omnibus is 30 much heavier than the
.caEZiagss that il we who will crush them2" "Ah,
ys, that is so,' said the lady smiling reassured.
The son Of Prudhomme, just from college, has
aspirations for literary career. He has writ
ten . noEel, which he reads to bis father. '.Just
khink!" sAid the latter to one of his friends,
~'that bog of mine has written such novel that
Of regard to his youthful innocencel hayeh hsen
obliged % forbid his reading it!''
A clerk, who 10 somewhat smarter than his
employer, was beard TO remark the other day
Thank fortune, the boss has stopped advertising
for the season. Now, We will have q rest
A downtown man went fishing the other day,
and retained with three small trout. He carried
them through the street boldly, and Hhsp asked
If those were all be caught, frankly admittsd
Chat they were The neighbors gave him sur
price party last night and presented him with the
bsAntifnlly carved motto, IAN honest fisherman
10 she noblsst work Of God -"-NelV Haven Regis-
Ser. i'-ti