The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-05-14
SEEKING HELP.
COMICALITIES.

Jou COltCJ yOuI OWu
MARY WALKER calls the place where
she hangs her clothes, not closet, but
u pantry.
THERE is one man in Albany who new
er gets too drunk to tell his own name.
1t is Hicks.
THE mining superintendent reply to
the stakeholder; "Thou troublest me; L
am not j. the vein."
"FIGUREs won't lie" is q mistake.
Some of the finest female figures upon
the street are nothing but!
He took her pretty hand in his
And pressed it to his lips and said:
"My ownest own, have you not been
A-fooling with an onOn-bed ?"
One hundred tailors in Troy having
struck, an equal number of geese are
lying idle.-NeW York Commercial i'd
Certiscr.
My Gretchen vas pooty girl,
Dot Is der solemn troOt-
But ven l shpoke her pap Won her,
He push me NIT his boot.
HELP from an unexpected quarter, as
the tramp remarked when twenty-five
cent piece was handed him by the lady
of the house"
"SAM, why are lawyers like fishes?'
81 don't NEEDLE with de subjec', Pomp."
"Why don't you see? Cause they am
so fond oh debate"
He crawled up out of the gutter
Wishing he'd never been born
The cause Of all the trouble was,
He'd stepped on the wrong mans corn.
THE mule puzzle. Draw IL circle Is
feet in diameter, place a mule i'll the
center and walk around him without get
ting out of the circle.
A SYRACUSE dentist has large mirror
before his operating char i'll order that
patients can see the expression of their
faces as the tooth begins to start at the
roots.
A YOUNG lady in Ohio has been ad-
judged insane because she fell i'll love
with college professor. 1t isn't very
complimentary to the college faculty
thereaway.-Boston Transcript.
The experienced married man not
only shakes the carpets, but he also
"shakes" ali other spring house-clean-
ing by going to neighboring city for
week on "business. "-NOrristOrn Her.
all.
FATHER, (who is always trying to teach
his son how to act while at the table:i
"Well, John, you see when / have
finished eating, always leave the table"
John: Eyes, sir. and that's about all
you do leave"
A NEWSPAPER poet sings: "In the
noontide let me die" And we don't
suppose one person in 500, 000will inter-
pose an objection, provided he selects
the next noOntide that comes along
NOrristOUa HcraLd.
Or gentleman recently deceased, n
friend said to a news-gatherer: Gle
was i'll the legislature one year; but /
wouldn't say anything about that. Other
wise his life was free from blot. "-COun-
Gil Bluffs NonpareH.
A CLERGYMAN named Hoyle was so in
discreet as to register his name at hotel
in Omaha. Within half an hour no few
er than fourteen persons sent their cards
! to his room to ascertain If q flush royal
couldn't beat four aces.
APRoPos of names. First swell: Il
never didli May, not nearly 50 pretty
as Mary wonder they don't change the
day of the month to Mary" Second
swell: "Clevaw ideaw, bah Jove! make
awstaws good to June, you know.
THIEF before the ses ere judge: "What
q disgrace! Are you not ashamed, an
old man like you TO be brought here ac-
cused of theft 2" "Pardon me, your
honor; do not upbraid me undeservedly.
began stealing when Twas very young"
"DoN'T you wish you was big MANI"
said one little urchin to another. tx rect
do. I'm just dyin' to be big enuff to
git shaved an have one of 'em BARRIERS
powder me all over and squirt cologne
juice at me-" was the reply.-NeW York
Express.
Nor long ago in the Court of Appeals
ali Irish lawyer, while arguing with
earnestness his cause, stated point
which the court ruled out. "Well,"
said the attorney, "if it place the coort,
if / am wrong in this, l have another
point that is equally as conclusive"
A WOMAN in New York accidentally
went to church with two bonnets on her
head-one stuck inside the other-and
the other women in the congregation
almost died Of envy. They thought it
was new kind of bonnet, and too sweet
for anything. -NeaD Orleans Picayune.
In house occupied by two families in
this city, there recently died an old gen.
preached, the widow of the deceased
applied to her neighbor occupant for the
use Of n large front room for funeral pur-
poses. The gentleman appealed to hest
tated slightly, but quickly assented,
when his 13-year-old daughter spoke and
said: Gather, what's the odds, as long
as the neighbors furnish the corpse ~
Syracuse Herald.
JUST before prominent ex-office-
holder of Hartford retired the other
night, he got down on his hands and
knees and peered anxiously under the
bed. "Wha in the world are you look
ing for, Edward ?" inquired his wife.
Looking for n woman" promptly re-
piled the husband. "You've been look
ing for a man under the bed for fifteen
years, and l thought I'd start hunt for
woman, and I'll bet I'll find the WON
an before you do the man. "-Haryord
Post.
PATRICK saw bull paving in a field,
and thought how amusing it would he to
Jump over, catch him by the horns and
rub his nose i'll the dirt. The idea was
so funny that he laughed tb think of it.
The more he thought of it the funnier it
seemed, and he determined to do it. Bo-
WIS quickly tossed him over the fence.
Somewhat bruised, Patrick leisurely
picked himself up, with the very conso-
fatory reflection: "Well, it is moighty
loine thing had my laugh foorst."
An agent of nm accident insurance COM
pany entered a smoking car on western
railroad train n few days ago, and ap-
preaching an exceedingly grllff old man,
asked him if he did not want to take out,
q policy. He was told to get out with
his policy, and passed on. A few min
utes afterward en- accident occurred to
the train, causing fearful shaking to
the cars. The old man jumped up, and
seizing a hook at the side of the car to
steady himself, called out, "Where is
that insurance man?"
IT was all the fault of the newspapers.
Thye said the new comet couldn't be
seen "without glass;" Mr.. Starting
ton wanted to see it, 80 he took glass.
IL still eluded his vision, and he took
two more glasses. Still he couldn't see
it: and after taking seven glasses alto
gether, he fell down four steps into an
area, and was rewarded with sight OF
the comet. But he is positive that just
as he caught glimpse of the celestial
visitor it burst into ten million pieces,
one of which struck him right between
the eyes.-NO,ristosO Herald.
ALONG the edges Of the winding, hur-
ling brook, in the still pools, and close
under the swamp-bogs, grows the tender,
aucc,lept coyslip with its brittle, Juicy