The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-05-21
SHORT BITS.
Grew ditties-Boat songs.

Crew dittleS-BOat songs. IS
The great question in Congress-Shall
we go out and have something.
When the farmer puts porcelain egg
under the hen, is he setting good egg
sample.
What is that which asks no ques-
tions but requires many answers? The
door-bell.
I reckon him Christian indeed who
is neither ashamed of the gospel nor
shame to it.
When tooth begins to feel as if there
was chicken scratching at the root, it's
time to pullit.
s.Flour is rising" said one dealer to
another. That shows it is good, was the
quick reply.
''Put not your trust in Kings and
Princes-Three aces and jack will skin
them every time.
A gentleman IN conversation said that
his dogs were Al. Shouldn't they have
been rated Ks.
A fellow who was detected stealing cot
ton said he hooked it because it was q
great staple.
'sBare and for bare,'' as bald-headed
s"The Black Crook"
every man has his prejudices," said
wife. "And every woman her bias, was
the husbands reply.
A man should make it part of his re-
igion to see that his country is well gov
erned.-[ VIM. Penn.
"Where yer bin, Billy?" "Bin fishing?"
"Ketch anything?" "No, but expect to
when get in the house"
Paris is an iron-founder in Troy, N. Y.
We do not know whether there is any
Helen round there or not.
The generality of men expend the early
part of their lives in contributing to rem
der the latter part miserable.
Faber has made great deal of money
from lead pencils; which is the difference
between Faber and reporters.
An old maids advice to young ladies.
Don't marry until you are twenty
unless you get good chance.
'Does your mother know your route?"
asked rival when the bride and groom
started on their wedding tour.
Our Burlington girls-ahem! young
ladies-are like ''the frog who would a
wooing CO. they leap to the year.
The French ladies' have saying that
a man should keep his eyes open before
marriage, and shut them afterward.
Bismarck is entitled to wear 466 deco
rations. When he is dressed for cere-
mony he looks like speckled hen.
A Derby farmer sat down on piece of
hot iron in blacksmith shop, and on
rising broke hole in the ceiling.
The greatest man living may stand in
need of the meanest, as much as the
meanest does of him.-(Thomas Fuller
A yonng man who has recently taken a
wife SAYS he didn't find it half so hard to
get married as he did to get furni-
ture.
The Omaha Herald says drink of
Council Bluffs whisky will make a man
go off to some secluded spot and rob
himself
Minerva's baby was probably spoken
of by the old women of the neighbor-
hood as "nothing but a bundle of
'Nerv's.'
When an Indiana woman addresses her
husband as cold corpse" he goes and
applies for divorce and the court
grants it.
never had q man cum to me for ad-
VICE, DuG DelOfe he SOG Guru he udu
more advice to offer than to ask for
Josh Billings.
sWbat will the harvest be?" asks an
exchange. Well, just wait till the har-
vest bee crawls up your trowsers leg, and
you'll find out
An eccentric old Georgian, VIM. Will
son, of Newton county, recently died,
leaving his estate, worth $40, 900, to his
former slaves.
Lately a gentleman of nearly ninety
years had the grief of losing his wife.
''I cannot complain" he said, for she was
nearly sixty five
The only instance of leap year privi-
lege yet noticed in this vicinity was that
of a woman being seen down town at
midnight after her husband.
Four of the widows of Brigham Young
have found rest and consolation with
second husbands. The rest are SO homely
that they are waiting to die.
It was Chicago woman who first in
vented the idea of placing canary bird
stuffed with sawdust in place where
cat would have to work two hours to get
at it.
"What l want said a pompous
orator, aiming at his antagonist, sis good
common sense" s'Exactly!'' was the
whispered reply; ''that's just what you
need"