Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1880-04-03
A BOON 10 MARRIED MEN.

ly SENSITIVE arrdnBenenI Vi tne oiui-
nary thermometer, in convenient
pocket size, and is graded to scale
of cabelistic marks, which chow the
exact state OF the domestic atmosphere
at any hour of the night. The hard
worked anil belated husband arrives
home, say at midnight. He takes out
his indicator" thrusts it in the key
hole and leaves it there few seconds.
Pulling it out quickly, he scans the
dial by moonlight's ftful cleaning.
If it marks IS. A." Sound asleep the
poor husband pulls off his boots noise
lessly, uses his night key with bated
breath, gives the door quick shove
to keep it from creaking, steals tremb-
lingly to bed, and when his dear lit
tie wife wakes up about two seconds
afterward and wants to know how
long he has been home, he is 80 sound
asleep that Gabrielle trumpet could
not wake him.
If the "indicator" scores "a. A. @.
B. D. X. w. T." (awake, awful
cross, but does not know what time
it is, " the husband puts a few more
grains of coffee in his mouth opens
the door boldly; walks in with slam
bang air, hits his foot Intentionally
against chair; wants to know why
the devil the chairs amt kept out Of
the way; gets desperately mad on
general principles; scares his wife
clear out of her crossness and intend
ed curtain lecture; refuses to let her
get up and strike match-never did
like a light at night, nohow !: r marks
gruffly in responce to timid query
that cts about twenty-five minutes
after TO-" and then turns into bed in
such an apparently awful state of
mind that the wife of his bosom is
afraid to speak to him-at which he
is very sad, of course.
There are numerous other marks
on the indicator, showing just where
it will do to "play the lodge dodge
or the "sick friend y or "been stand
ing on tile corner talking with SO and
so for more than an hour; = or "gen-
eral or honorable this or that from
you know where, was in town, and
had to go away on the 2 o'clock train,
and he insisted so strongly that the
whole party stayed up to see him of,
<houough it was great bore, and
we only did it through courtesy
But the most awfully awful Of all
the cabalistic signs on the dial is the
one at the top, about two marks
above boiling point. When the wea-
ry husband comes home about a. M,
from the direction of the butcher shop
with a roll of meat held high in the
air, so that everyone he passes can
not fail TO see it, and sticks the "indi-
Gator" in the keyhole, he is almost
too weak to draw it out. With hair
on end he reads it by the faint light
streaming in upon him from the east
ern hills, and sweat breaks out on his
noble brow in drops as large as wal
nuts, as he sees the bulb of the indi-
Gator jammed smack up against "R
H. s. II. w. F. Y. ]. IT. D." (red
hct and still heating and waiting
for you just inside the door, The
inventor Of the instrument says that
when this terrible misfortune over
takes man, he fsels that there is
nothing left in this life worth living
for, and appreciates the full force Of
those beautiful lines
This world is all fleeing show.
For mans delusion given"
He slings the meat out into the
yard, and braces himself for the com
ing fray, but says nothing for moth
ing can be said. Be he ever 50 gift
ed liar, his accomplishments is more
than valueless. No lodge, no sick
friend, no talking on the corner, no
sitting up to see the general off, no
swearing that he will never do it
again--in fact, nothing will avail,
absolutely indefensible case. He is
caught fagraate delicto. Even the
CHASTITY gayety with which, two hours
previoue, he had said to the boys that
he guessed he'd see it out now
might as we'll be killed for sheep as
lamb"-had all vanished. The indi-
Gator having told him the exact stu