The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-06-24
BRfC--f-BR.iC.
Irish bllttor-l;ttlc nnts

-1iISll DtiCGcE-liItic pntS.
--physic, says an old surgeon, is the
art of amusing The patient while Ma
ture cures the disease.
--"Firtuc commands respect" But
Virtue doesn't stand on the strcct cor
ners and lubricate the sidewalk with
tobacco juice.
--"What is the worst thing about
richcs" asked the Sunday school su-
pcrjntcndent, aud the new boy said:
"their scarcity"
The country will breathe easier
since Grant has expressed himself sat
isiied. itad he been dissatisfied, what
would have become Of us all?
Tho rich mans body may travel
for his health, and never find it. The
poor mars sou can saw wood and be-
come respectable citizen.
Love laughs at locksm;tbs will,
lmpunity, but when the ortl;norv
white man tries it ile. gets his law
pounded. 'N"
-Oof i'll i.eadvillc gin sling is
knCwn as "boy-sratchcr," but it
doesn't give man any more capacity
for Kicking down doors than the arti-
Gle you get in these parts.
Nothing SO a9gravatcs New
Yorker aS 10 have Il chambermaid hirt
with him from u siXth-story window
of Il hotel which he darcs not to enter
because Of al old board bill.
"A rich man who is troubled to
know what to do with his money
should try the experiment Of leaving
it to a young man who has been
brought up 10 think he is too good TO
work.
Love enters the Chinese stories.
The hero is always chap who made
his ducats in America bv laundry
work, and the heroine is a girl who
wants revenge OH him because he kill
cd her cat.
There was time when a neatly
colorcd lilhograph with a plain gilt
frame was considered very pretty. but
the present generation si9hs for pond
lily painted on Il shin9lc.
The last new use for the Dhcuo-
graph suggested is to fire the Fourth Of
July cannon into one, and reproduce
each wear. without wear and tear to
the cannon or waste Of powder. This
is worthy Of Il great mind.
The celebrated artist who crowc1
SO naturally that the sun rose three
hours before its time, has recently fin
ishcd a picture ofthc moon that's paint-
Ell with such wonderful fidelity to na-
ture that it can't DC seen in the day.
time.
An Irish drummer, who now and
then indulHcd in nomgin of Dotcen.
was acc0stcd by the reviewing gencr-
al: "Wl!at makes your nose SO rcd?"
'flazc your honor" replied Pat. 81
always blush when spakc to a gincral
officer"
81 never did see such q wind and
such Storm" said man in coffee
room. ''And pray, sir" inquired
Would-be wit, "sincc You saw the wind
and the storm, what might be thcir
color:' ::.Tllc wind blew and the
storm rose was the ready rejoinder.
"a Denver clergyman, OH receipt
ol tile nSual halt-iar1 pass, wrote to
INC Supcrlnfcndcnt: "Cnn You not cnl-
brace my wife alSow TO which the
railroad man said he hid not know. but
he would like to see The clcrgyman's
wife first, as he was rather fastiGious.
'-"Do you believe in the use Of the
rod. my dear proftSSor:' asked Il ludy
whose children were making life bur
den to all the guests in the hotel. tIn
some cases madam; bot there arc 9TH
crs. @l"ncing at Ecr gamboliDg dar-
lings, ''whcrc | prefer illc revolver"
been out Of town, FitZ?"
''fassc; took Il run to Boston for a
few days." "NIcct myhody?' con,
yes: met thc Beans. Know them?
Very nice family; yrca; friend of the
Perks OF Chicago. Always together.
believe they arc in partnership.
Pork Il Beans" "Awv
"A N)nccdrd Curc.-Mick-
swell. Pat, an what are yc standing
gaping at now" Pai-.'I'hc lcgs OF
the shintleman as Just passed, Mick.
AM wasn't thinking how mnch bet
ter would it be for him to tuck up his
trousers and LET them fight it out"
("'rhe shint!cman as just passed" was
badly knOck-knced.)
An indctatigablc autoa graph hunter
goes into a paroXysm Of JOY on sccur-
ing an autograph Of Bos$uct.
can autograph Of Bossuct. just
think of it," he says to a friend. can
autographic letter Of four pages"
" nat arc us COntCntS!"
"Oh! ! don't know. / haven't read
it,"
-"Yes,N said a. fresh girl at a show,
81 know my beau goes out between
acts, but hos nice and never drinks
ANYTHING but cup Of coffee, because
can always smell ii as plain as day.
and know the smell Of coffee from
beer or wlliskcy, if am little bit
green Its a very happy thing for Il
Young manto have Il girl's confidence.
--.'Sec lcrc," said q fault-findnU
husband, "wc must have things ar
ranged in this house so lhat we shall
know just where everything is kept"
"M i'll all my heart" swcctly answer
cd his wife ,"and let us begin with
your late hours, my love. | should
dearly like to know where they are
kcpt.' He let things run on as usual.
,-kindncss, if nothing stronger,
should induce any one to use DR.. Bulls
Baby Syrup for the relief of the dis
eases OF babyhood. Price rs cents. =
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