Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-04-12
Watch, said the second hand, IN be
around in a minute.

around In minute.
A mother out West brags that her
baby will enjoy three hundred and sixty
six holler days this year.
A witty lady being asked her opinion
of mOustaches. replied, 81 always set my
face against them"
The darky's hour is just before the
dawn" remarked Sambo, when he start
ed out just before daybreak to steal a
young chicken for breakfast.
"HOw long shall girls be courted ?"
asks an English newspaper. No later
than two o'clock in the morning, we
think, excepting when it rains.-Elmira
Gazette.
An Ohio girl sued man for breach
of promise, and proved him such mean
scoundrel, that the jury decided she
ought to pay him something for not mar
rying her.
A person who was sent to prison for
marrying two wives, excused himself by
saying that when he had one, she fought
him; but when he got two, they fought
each other.
A Maine man who didn't care two
shakes of lambs tail about the news
papers, rode fourteen miles through a
fierce snow-storm to get copy of a
weekly that spoke of him as "promi-
nent citizen"
Cannot something be done to prevent
young ladies being lnsulted on the streets
at night? inquiries an exchange. Why,
yes. Have the old lady tuck them safe
ly in bed at sundown and fasten the
door.
The following anecdote is told by an
American preacher: He was praying,
and in his prayer he said: 81 pray that
the power of Satan may be curtailed. "
Just then an old darkey in the congrega-
tion cried out, "Yes, amen Bress me
Cut him tail smack smoove off,"
A contemporary says: "Ice will be
ice this summer" Persons who labored
under the impression that ice would be
soft soap, or lumber, or Goldfish will be
gratifed to learn that it will be ice, and
nothing else. Nowhere can we find sc
much valuable information as in the
newspapers.-Norristoson Herald.
AS specimen of mixed metaphor
the following-used the other day at a
boisterous Home Rule meeting in the
north of Ireland-is about the finest on
record "Misther spaker, sorr, the apple
of discord has been thrown in our midst
and if it be not at once nipped in the
bud, twill burst into a conhagratioI
which threatens to deluge the whole
world
These days no one is safe from the
charge of plagiarism. Brown went to
church last Sunday thing unusual
and upon being asked his opinion of tht
clergyman, said. "Ob, his sermon wa:
very good, but that prayer, beginning
with Our Father | think he stole en-
tire. | know l have heard something
somewhere that it was strangely like.
4-Boston Transcript.
The other day T. g. met an old friend
who was formerly prosperous young
lumbermanS up North, but whose habit
of drinking resulted as they often do
though he has since reformed, and j
trying to do better. "How are you 2
said T. G.. Pretty we'll. thank you
but I've just been TO a doctor to hay
| him look ar INV throat" 4" Whats tn,
matter ?" "Well. the doctor couldn'
give me any encouragement. At leas
he couldn't find what | wanted hin
to find ?" "What did you expect hin
to find p II asked him to look dow
my throat for the saw-nill and farm tha
had gone there" ard did he see any
thing of it ?'' "No. but he advised m
if l ever got another mill to run it b
water. Detroit Free Press.