West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-01-24
HUMOROUS.


a DENTAL journal says the reason sc
/ many men fail as orators is because
hey have lost some OF their teeth
| Bosh Look at a hen; hasn' I and never
had tosth i'm her head; and did the
! dental editor never hear hen mount
the fence and dc liver two hours'
Fourth OF July GRAFTON over one egg
no bigger than lemon.
"WmY, Dick" said a lady teacher
the other day, "you are getting to be
an awfully good boy lately; ever so
much better than you were Last year.
How Is it?" ooh pshaw, Miss Het-
ty," said the youngster, "I don't have
so much tummick-ache now"
"MY wife," remarked prominent
manufacturer, "ncver attends auctions.
She went once, and seeing friend at
the opposite side of the room, nodded
politely, whereupon the suctioneer
Knocked down patent cradle, and
asked her where she wished il dcliy-
cred"
The O'Finigan: .'Bedad, sorr, we
were pestered wild those rascally spies
OF o. Brady: "Rimnints % Tory bar
DaIism, sorr; be more careful, sorr;
stand at the door, aud don't let man
In unless he comes himself"
"How like Its father It is :" exclaim-
ed the nurse, on the occasion of the
christening of baby whose father was
over seventy, and had married young
wiie. Very like" replied satirical
lady, lit hasn't Il tooth i'm its head -
to say that our baby was cured of n
dangerous and protracted irrcgularitv
OF the bowels by the use of Hop BltteTs
by its mother, which at the same time
restored her TO perfect health and
strength.-Thc Parents, Rochester, Y.
Y. See another column.
WHEN woman 'omenades the
streets leading dog il looks as if she
couldn't lead anything else on her
string.
Husbands never meet their wives
Win smiles on their lips; they wipe
them OF before they get home.
DID pou ever notice the fact that n
tramp who claims he has trade but
can get no work at 1t, in the winter is
Drickmaker and In the summer is q
lumberman or ice sawyer?
a WITTY but heartless proof-rcader
on an Eastern paper recently added to
the death notice Of somewhat cele-
Drated colored man the line, Death
loves shining mokc."
SALT has various properties and ef-
fects AS it regards the human system.
Ii acts as tonic and continent. as an
emetic, purgative and as "A disinfect-
ant.
PHYSICIANS say that there isno remedy
Tor ConsumptiOn, and possibly, i'm some
cases the assertion may be correct.
we know however of MANY cures made
by DR.. Bull's Cough syrup and will
guarantee positive RELIEF to the sufferer
IN every instance.
"WHY. Bridget! didn't the tall i'm.
iurc yOu?" Bridgct-''Sure mum. the
lall didn't hurt me. but kind o. Jared
meself mum when lit"
NEWSPAPER WAIFs.-Lady (behind
counter, 10 cabman) -"pair of glove ?
Yes. What is your numbcr2" Cabman
"a hundred and ninety-three!
"THAT's what beats me-" as the bow
said wncn he saw his father take the
skate strap down from its accustomed
naIl.
DURING ordinary respiration for
twenty-tour hours the quantity of OK
ygen gas consumed amounts to forty
thousand cubic inches.
"
ALL experience goes TO show that
people are far more liable to contract
diseases or contagious fcvers or an
empty than with full stomach.
n FEW drops OF nitric of anvil have
powerful influence in restoring the
functions of the heart I'm cases of
drowning hanging or fainting.
As many women learn to know their
husbands, they wish they had learned
TO NO them when they were only
swcethearts.
BREAKFAST should be light stimu-
latinH meat, dinner more hearty and
substantial.
IMAGINE tor q mumcuj the thousand,
upon thousands OF bottles of Carboline.
the deOdOrizcd petroleum HAIR remover
annually sold, and the fact that not "A
single complaint has been received
from all these thousands, aud Won may
have some idea Of It's good qualities
--SoS~---
a T A NHa ~.