The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1880-05-14
BITS OF WIT.

A beIkshire town has hog pen tina,
10 haunted. We wish Cincinnati would
keep it's ghosts ct home. --Boston Peat.
Artemus Ward once began lecture BY
saying: Ladies and gentlemen, posssss
. gigantic intellect, but havsn't it with
me-" # .-
The young man who wants to get ur
with the SUM- remarks the Middlstowu
Transcript, "must not sit up too late with
tho daughter"
The paragraphic philosopher Of the New
Orleans Pieayuns thinks thas heaven would
have more attractions II one did not have
to die to reach there.
The Oil City Derrick informs an inquisi
tive correspondent that cremation IL q
recently adopted method Of firing people
out Of this world. .-..
d. Lesseps estimates that the Brooklyn
bridge will last for six centuries. We shall
watch that bridge with some curiosity to
see just how near no hits it.-Boston Tran.
script.
Figures won't lie," they tell us. That
must be the reason it is 30 hard to put q
carpet down smoothly, and make it reach
into all the rnsrs.-Burlington Hapk.
Eye.
Fraud will out. The fellow who claims
to be the great African giant has foot
over nineteen inches long. Wash him and
see il he isn't q Chicago man BACKED up
Boston Post.
"Speaking of Grant," remarked Mr.
Washburne, "it's Blaine to be seen that
he's Sherman" And Mr.. Edmunds said
1t was worse than tae fifteen puzzle to find
out what be meant.-Hapkeye.
A Chicago man predicts that August l4th
will be the hottest day In the year. The
Norristown Herald suspects he has
promised to take another woman to pic
mic on that day, and expects to meet his
wife there.
A few days ago. at the depot, a we'll
known Pottstown character was annoyed
by the opportunities Of newsboy, and
being unable to rid himself of the nuisance
threatened to "k,ck the boy so high that
when he came down again bis clothes
would be out of fashion." ."-Pottsto,on
Ledger.
The ouray (Col) Solid Muldoon says
that under the local mining laws Of Oursy
county, mining expert scalps will be taken
at "a each IN payment of taxes. When .
New York mining expert arrives in ouray
with letters OF recommendation from prom
inent Eastern capitalists," he is given just
four hours to skip, and he generally skips.
The Burlington Hawkeys says: It is
very difficult to look at the pictures In Har-
per's Weekly. of Stanley and Ave negroes
in skiff fighting 346. 957, ,S33 544. .8i7, 00O,-
COO savage negroes. all armed with repeat
ing and breech- loading rifles at ten PAGES,
without yielding to the impression that
either Mr.. Stanley 10 given to prevarication
or the artist has misunderstood his figures
The story gong the rounds about David
Davis having been brakeman on the Bal
timore and Ohio Railroad arose from con-
fusion of names. Henry @. Davis of West
Virginia, 10 the man referred to- David
Davis was once offered good salary to
stop trains at junction by jumping on the
hind platform, 80 As to save the wear and
tear of brakes, but he decliaed. -Philadsl-
phia Neps. ....
Some of the Mills Seminary girls can
throw q very powerful stream of words
from the engine OF their cultivated iatsllects,
but they cau't bluff erybody. The other
day fully diplomated miss Of eighteen
walked into . m usic store and asked the
clerk for song, which she called Demon
strste by ocular proof, tho veIdure Of my
-and, a. he handed her copy
Of Sss that my grave 10 kept green," and
raked in thirty five GEMS over the counter.
no bIutioG OiohuAS 0uu 6nius 10 ku0 uikLy
known as Argentine flaments inter-
spersed with the aureate capillary sttrac-
tions' q novelty to your repertory ?'' She
turned pale for moment, and then con-
cluded to 20 back to school for one more
year. +
When Childs, A. H., shall benefsct In private
fact in private:
When Jay Gsulds hands In Gould's own pockets ssay
@sg@ pockets stay;
When Bob Ingersoli church honors shall arrive at
- ..ea ssa shall arrive at;
And Ben Butter governs Massachusetts Bay
.g. --chusetts Bay:
When Ti.aen makes corner in domestics--
G.. .--esf lin don estics;
And trots two tiny twins upon his knees-
--pon bis knees
When Evarts' watch within rounded vest ticks
aa rounded vest ticks;
And Beecher makes statement that win please
that win please:
When Hayes and Wheeler take their little toddy-
4E2 little toddy
When Grant goes ont to work where he's Eat hum
he's "at hum
Oh. then 1t win be plain to everybody
everybody;
That we're getting near the great MiIeninm-
--lennn Puck.