The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-05-12
MISg'EhLANY.
BEFUDDLED HUMoRISTs.

Mark Twain thus describes his first meet
ing with his brother humorist, Artemus
Ward had never seen him before. He
Drought letters Of Introduction from mutual
friends in San Francisco, and by invitation I
breakfasted with him. 1t was almost religion,
there IN the silver mines, to precede such a
meal with whisky cocktails. Artemus, with
the true cosmopolitan instinct, always defer
red to the customs of the country he was in,
and so he ordered three of these abomina-
lions. kingston was present. / am match
fornearly every beverage you can mention
except whisky cocktail, and therefore said
it would go right to my head and confuse me,
SO that would be in helpless tangle in ten
minutes did not want to act a lunatic be-
fore strangers, but Artemus gently insisted,
and drank the reasonable mixture under
protest, and felt all the time that was doing
thing that might be sorry for In a min
ute or two began to imagine that my ideas
were clouded. / waited in great anxiety for
the conversation to open, with sort of vague
hope that my understanding would prove
clear after all, and my misgivings ground
| less.
Artemus dropped an uhimportant remark
or two and then assumed look ofasuperhu-
man earnestness and made the following as
founding speech. He said
Now, there is one thing ought to ask
you about before forget it. You have been
here in Silverland-here in Neyada-two or
three years, and of course, your position on
the daily press has made it necessary for you
to 90 down into the mines and examine them
carefully in detail. Now, what I want to get
at isis, well, the way deposits are made,
! you knoY. For instance Now as I under.
stand it, the vein which contains the silver is
sandwicled in between castings of granite,
and runs along the ground, and sticks up like
cufbstone.
Well, take vein forty feet thick, for ex-
ample, or eighty for that matter, or even one
hundred, say you 20 down on it with shaft,
straight down you know, Or with what you
call the inclnes,' maybe you go down five
hundred feet Or maybe you don't go down but
two hundred anyway you go down. and all
| tue time this vein grows narrower when the
castings come nearer or approach each other,
/ you may say, that is, when they do approach,
which of course they do not always do par
ticularly in cases where the nature of the for
nation is such that they stand apart wider
than they otherwise would, and which geol-
ogy has failed to account for, although every
thing in that science goes to prove that, all
things being equal, it would if it did not or
would not certainly il it did, and then of
course they are. Do you not think it is ("
said to myself, g Now, just know how
it would be. That whisky cocktail has done
the business for me. / don't understand any
more than a clam And then | said aloud,
"I-I-that is--if you don't mind, would you
would you say that over again ? l ought"
"Oh, certainly, certainly You see am
very unfamiliar with the subject, and, per-
haps, | don't present my case clearly, but"
No. no-no, no you state it plain enough,
but the vile cocktail has muddled me little.
But will no. I do not understand, for that
matter, but would get the hang of it all the
better if you went over it again, and I'll pay
better attention this time. =
He said Why, what l was after was
tuis. llete hc pecdtHt tFcu more ledflully
impressive than ever and emphasized each
particular point by checking it off on his fin
ger ends.l This vein or lode, or ledge, or
whatever you may call, runs along between
two layers of granite, just the same as if it
were a sandwich Very well. Now, suppose
you go down on that say 1000 feet, OF maybe
1900 lit don't really matter), before youdrift
and then you start your drifts, some of them
across the ledge and others along the length
of it, where the sulphulets--I believe they
call them sulphuretes, though why they
should considering that SO far as / can see,
the main dependence of miner does not so
lie, as some suppose, but in which it cannot
be successfully maintained wherein the same
should not continue, while part and parcel of
the same ore not committed to either in the
sense referred to, whereas, under circumstan-
ces, the most inexperienced among us could
not detect If it were, or might overlook it if
did, or scorn the very idea Of such thing,
even though it were palpably demonstrated
as such Am not right p"
said sorrowfully ~ feel ashamed of
myself, Mr.. Ward. l know / ought to under
stand you perfectly well, but you see that
ugly whisky cocktail has got into my head,
and now can't understand even the simplest
proposition. 1 told you how it would be-
'sOh, don't mind it the fault was my
own, no doubt though | did think it clear
enough for"
/" Don't say word. Clear Why you
stated it as clear as the sun TO anybody but an
abject idiot, but it's that confounded cocktail
that has played the mischief"
/" No, now don't say that. I'll begin it all
over again, and
g Don't now for goodness sake, don't do
anything of the kind, because ] tell you my
bead is in such condition that | don't be-
lieve could understand the most triflipg
question man could ask me-
$ Now don't you be afraid. I'll put it SO
plain this time that you can't help get the
hang of it.. We viii begin at the very begin
ming. fLeaning far across the table with de-
termined impressiveness wrought upon his
~