The Russellville Democrat., 1880-06-10
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

"WHAT would we do if it wasn't for Sunday?" asks a Boston paper. Guess you wouldn't catch any fish.
 "THIs farm for sale subject to mort gages and cyclones" is the way they now hang out signs in the Southwest
 TIE crater of Yesuvius is again &C., tive, and the dem nd for volcanoes bids fair to be steady throughout the season.
 ONE acre ot frogs hind legs will pay as much profit as thirty-four and one half acres of wheat Farmers, why will you toil? l.,....'.-
 IF Congress can tax artificial butter, why can't 1t tax artificial wagon grease, which is on sale under the name of prime lard?'
 ANEW YoRK furrier has succeeded in making seal skin sacks out of rabbit skins, and now seals can go off and hold long vacation. ds' bm%y Afi# 9W
 SOME steamboat hands at Milwaukee invited hungry tramp to eat "square mealn with them.--He so overfed him- self that he died the same night. f-
 NEW YORK CITY has begun it's annual war on Spitz dogs, and the Spitzes are retaliating by biting the legs of newspa- per men whenever opportunity offers. AN Indiana man named Gray has been hunting for the remains of Prof. Wise for the last four months, and in that time has walked thousands of miles.
 BEAcoNsFIELD says he would rather be right than King of England. Most all men who get the grand bounce have some sort of philosophy to fall back on. g A WOMAN at Fort Scott who drew $500 ]. in lottery started out to tell her neigh COTS and3fel into a well and was drowned. Keep your good luck to your self.
 THE wickedness ot the world, that preachers talk 80 much about, was never so apparent as when it began to steal items. There, steal this paragraph, will&s you? s.,,v,e7e ,, sl f,e.a
 IT is awful hard to realize that we- man is an angel when one sees her pick up a clothes-prop fourteen feet long to g drive a two ounce chicken out of the yard. IH3 Ld 4aia3 E1s19" st q .Aa9f4e | , WHEN Georgia man gets too week to @, split a watermelon open with an ax his relatives begin to look around and see whats the, best they can do on a head stone. of
 "BRoTHER,' said the Dean of Eastmin- ster to the Dean of Westminster, f'what <. does the prayer-book mean by 'whirled without .end2'" Externally gyrated, I suppose" was the response. .,,.., .....
 OLE BULL, now of Cambridge, Mass, has imported four Norwegian ponies, the only ones III this country, one of which, a handsome stallion, is valued at S2,0e0, and the other at $1 900 each. N'ls ''-' gt A NEW YORK fish dealer who has made his ducdss from the sale of cer- tain species of the finny tribe, has built 5i a villa up the river and named his place Bull -Head-on-the-H Hudson"
 "WHo can say" says London Truth, "that our army is under-officered? Tho s other day, not far from Portsmouth, regiment fell in on parade with thirteen men and seventeen officers" ,........
 DID it ever occur to you why a lawyer who is conducting disputed will case is like trapeze performer in a circus? through the heir with the greatest oi fees. ...ur ONE hundred thousand bushels of hemp seed are annually consumed for bird food in the United States, and thus our birds are kept alive at the expense of our murderers Let the hemp grow and bear fruit. 5Lada 1a3 eatl iar ed
 Ir has within year been demon strated that no fish can see more than 100 feet in the ,clearest water. It is therefore useless to sit on log and growl because all the fish keep adout ll0 feet away. ...
 Ir has been remarked that "the climax of human indifference has arrived when a woman don't care how she looks" but this is amistake. The climax is reached only when she don't care how other women look. t.s..r
 TIE full name of the King of Siam, who is about to visit the United States, is Phrahat Somdetch Phra Paramendo Mahah Chutahlongkorna Klow The newspaper reporters should begin to practice on It. ..
 LITTLE COMMODORE MUTT. who is rich and is about to open saloon in New York, says he has been kissed by all the pretty girls in the country, but it became awfully tiresome, and isn't such fun as one would think.
 TIE Boston and Albany Railroad man. aeers contemplate a reduction of fares along the who.e line about the lst of June, placing the fare between Spring field and Boston at $2.50. This would be reduction of about ten per cent
 HoRATIo SEYMOUR says the finest speeches made when he was Governor or NCMH a1OIh were lilsluc Dl lIOquOlS lp-' a dians. Yet they would not speak except in their own language and through an interpreter, though they spoke English perfectly well. aF sa0o h'i'f fni .''
 A TOOTH of the First Napoleon was sold at.San Donate the other day for $40. The Boston Post says if it had occurred to bis family to break the old man up into small lots they could have realized handsome thing by selling him at those rates
 "MY learned brother" says the Court kindly but significantly to young law yer who IS about to sum up his first case, "my learned brother will observe that it is near dinner tune, and brevity is the soul of summing up" "May it please your Honor I will not long detain you. i am right; my learned friend opposite | is wrong; you are good Judge" Judg- ment in his clients favor, with costs.
 Fms is the way the Newport corres- l pondent of l846 did his business, r | find it in Providence newspaper of that day: Ball last night at the ocean;r regu- | lar hop; we'll attended; nobs present; snobs too; gobs of snobs; dancing bad;
 bad dancing; Anglo-Saxons bad dancers; | takes Frenchmen; some Frenchmen nat ural dancers; by and by American peo- | IA lonae hattar, fast haoinrinp No,Lq