St. Landry democrat., 1880-11-06
ALL SORTS

"A locomotive drinks forty-five gal"
Ions per mile.
! Advice is like railroad train-easy
to take but hard to bos'on
Transcript.
! Mrs. partiDgton says she has bonfss
q horse so spirituous that lie goes on y"
decantcr.
--.A crusty old bachelor says he thinks
it's woman, and not her WRONGS tu0'
ought to be rcdressed.
LIVERY man must work at somotnlhSs
| The moment he stops working 1or ho'
manity, the devil employs him.
-"Cently the dues are DER me steal
ing,' as the man said when ne hao nVo
bills presented to him ut one time.
An old lady seeing very small COT.
could be intended for any living crea-
ture!n
A young physician asked permission
of lass to kiss her; she replied, MO-
sir, never like doctors bill stuck IN
my face
Tight lacing should be encouraged
in every possible way. 1t kills OH the
foolish girls and leaves the sensible
ones. No healthy girl ever laces.
-"Spell love- said a young man to
his sweetheart one night last week.
"l-o-u,' she timidly said. The court
ship had been a protracted one, but they
are married now.
What is the difference between
breaking a window and breaking an
arm In the first case you 60 through tho
pane; in the second, the pain goes
through you.
"Mr. Smith, father wants to borrow
yonr paper. He only wants to read it."
"Well 60 back and tell your father to
send me his supper. only want to eat
it.n
-"Let's cut off our tails!r' Thus said
the fox. His tail had been cut of. Il
was but a coincidence, but his PROPOSE
ton was tabled without dividing tho
house.
"A lover unw orthy Of the name,
threatened to publish a lady's letters.
"I ou can if you choose" she answereds
"it is only their address that makes mo
blush.n
with her husband, and told him it she
were dead he could marry the DEVILS
oldest daughter. "Thc law don't allow
man to marry two sisters" was the
reply.
-"Cato," said a surgeon to a colored
attendant i'll hospital, (which is the
most dangerous case i'll this ward -
s'Dat one is, sah," answered Cato, point
ing to the surgeons case of instruments
that he just laid on the table,"
-"How did you feel, Sally, when he
popped the question? inquired cousin
Polly. 81 felt all-overish like, just %
if was in a railway tunnel, with r
train OF cars coming each way, and [
was sure of being crushed to death. o
Lordy, how he hugSed mer'
-"The Germans are an eminartly
race, and better than that,
they sometimes practice what they
preach. a soldier was being f1ogged
for some grave offense, and at every
blow he broke out into fresh peals Of
laughter. On being asked the reason
he replied, "Why, my friends, laugh
beceuse YOU are whipping the wrsng
man; that is ALL"
"Well, Father Brown, how did yon
like the sermon yesterdays 7" asked q
young preacher. "Ye see, parson,n was
the reply,"I haven't fair chance at
them sermons of yours. There's old
Miss Smithic, Widow Taft, an Ryan's
an Nabby Brit, an all the
rest setting in front of me with their
mouths wide open swallerin' down all
the best OF the sermon, an what gets
down to me is pooty poor stuff, parsons
putty poor stuff"
He Is FULL OF TRoUBLE.-AIan that;
is married to a woman is of many daya
and full Of trouble. In the morning ho
draweth his salary, and in the evening
behold it is all gone. 1t isas a tale that's
told, it vanisheth and no one knoweth
whittier it goeth. He riseth up clothed
in the chilly garments OF night, and
seeketh the somnolent paregoric whore
with to soothe the colicky bowels of his
infant posterity. He beconnelh as the
horse or the OK, and draweth the chariot
of his offspring. He spendeth his she
kels in the purchase of fine linens to
cover the bosom of his family, yet he
himself is seen i'll the gates of the city
with but one suspender. Yes, he is al.
together wretched.-[ExchaDge.