Ashtabula weekly telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1880-1886, 1880-07-30
SeIf.COntrOI in Society.

GOOD breeding gives us certain
definite rules, and while these are OBJ.
served society is possible; else it disin.
tegrates. But we may, without losing
self-respect, exercise vast self-controf,
and not show that we distrust people,
nor that we vastly like them; we need
not wear our hearts on our sleeves foT
davis to peck at. Members of the same
family should never quarrel in public.
This is often done by two sisters of un-
certain tempers, and the crowd laughs.
The French have a proverb about this,
perhaps too well known to be quoted.
Never show that you feel slight.
This is worldly wise as well as Chris
tian, for no one but n mean person will
put slight on another, and such per-
son always profoundly respects the per-
son who is unconscious of his feeble
spite. Never resent publicly lack of
courtesy; it is in the worst taste. What
you do privately about dropping such
an acquaintance must be left to your
self.
To a person of noble mind the CON
tests of society must ever seem poor and
frivolous as they think of the narrow
enmities and low political maneuvers,
but we know that they exist and that we
must meet them. Temper, detraction
and small spite are as vulgar on Tur-
key carpet and in a palace as they could
be in q tenement house; nay, worse, for
the educated contestants know better.
But that they exist we know as we'll as
we know that the diphtheria RACES. We
must only reflect philosophically that it
takes all sorts of people to make a
world; that there are good people, rank
and file; that there is valiant army
and noble navy; that there are also
pirates who will board the best ships,
and traitors in every army, and that we
must be ready for them all and that il
we live in a crowd we must prOpitiate
that crowd.
Never show fractions or peremptory
irritability in small things. Be patient
If friend keeps you waiting. Bear as
long as you can, heat, or draught,
rather than to make others uncomforta-
BILE. Do not be fussy about your sup
posed rightsi yield a disputed point of
precedence. All society has TO be made
up OF these concessions; they are your
unnumbered friends in the long run.
We are not always wrong when we
quarrel; but il we meet our deadliest
foe at friends house we are bound to
treat him with perfect civility. That ia
neutral ground, Never, by word or look,
disturb your hostess; this is an occa-
sional duplicity which is ordered by the
laws of society. And, in all honesty,
cultivate a graceful salutation, not too
familiar, in a crowd. Do not kiss your
friend in crowd; be grave and decor
GUS always. Burke said that manners
were more important than laws. "Man-
ners are what veX or soothe, comfort or
purify, eXalt or debase, barbarize or re-
line us by constant, steady, uniform,
insensible operation, like the air we
breathe"
A salutaton may have a great deal of
meaning in it. 1t may say, "I respect
you, and wish you well. " II may say,
al love you" 1t may say, 81 hate
you.n In a crowd, it should simply say
the first. The bow of young lady
should be maidenly, quiet, not TOO de-
monstrative; yet not cold or forbidding
The salutation of a man to women can
not be too respectful. 1t is 10 be feared
that ''old-fashioned courtesy" has no
place in our fashionable society. There
is either coldness or too great familiari-
ty. The manners Of young women are
apt to be too careless. They emulate
the manners Of men and of the age too
much, not remembering they should
carry in their gentle ways the good man ]
ners of all ages. She should remember
that when woman's salutation ceases
to be delicate, elegant and finished, she
steps down from her throne and throws
away her soepter. There is no saluta-
ton, however, more displeasing than
that of too efllorescent and hattering
subserviency. ale bows too low"
should never be said Avoid being a
snob, in private as in a crowd,-ADieTi-
can Queen.