The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-12-18
RANDOM READINGS,


Why ought fisherman to make good
actorsp Because they are always ac-
quainted with their lines.
A man "Out West was offered q
plate of macaroni soup, but declined it,
declaring that they couldn't play Oft
no bild-stems on him,
Foreman; look here, Pat; you heard
the governor say that job must be fin
ished tonight Pat: All right, mas
ter, I'll have it done tonight if it takes
me till tomorrow marnin'.n
A gentleman who had servant with
avery thick skull, used often to call him
the king of fools. II wish" said the
man you could make your words good,
as ] should then be monarch of the
world
Scene-A trysting-place, Roger, who
has been kept waiting some time:
What's come over ye? Dae ye ken
we've kept me waiting mair nor half an
hourG Peggy, whom he has courted
for over eight years; "Weel, couldn't
help it. After a pause--'Look at the
time ye've kept me waiting, and I'm
share ye never heard me vince COM
pleenin',"
just before visiting menagerie,
johnny had Il passage-at-arms with
young aunt who assisted at his toilet,
and with whom he flew into rage.
Arrived at the menegerie, Johnny was
immensely interested by u strange for
eign animal. with q long, 1.-THE body.
What animal is that, mammal he
asked 1T is called an ant-eater, my
SON. Johnny, after long silence:
Mamma, cant we bring Aunt Mary
here some day?'
Jones loves to dwell upon his army
exploits The other evening he was
telling some friends moving accident.
of which, as usual, he was the central
figure, He had got as far as 1.-THE night
was pitchy dark, and everything was
still as death; we We're getting nearer
to the enemy's picket-post-were just
ready to make rush on them, when
somebody's rifle went off, That told
the tale" when he was unfeelingly in
terrupted by Smith, who supposed "Of
course it must have been repeating ri
fe that could tell a tale
A large, red-faced Ilishwoman was
found recently by cencus official in
tenement-house, surrounded by brood
of children. Can you read and writer"
inquired the enumerator. 'Indade !
cam she replied. Then write Your
name here, please" said the young
man, offering q pencil. "Oh, but j
feel loike it, sir!' was the reply. "Then
will you tell me what your husbands
occupation is?n asked the official. "He
is an ascnder and descinder." "A
what?' "Och, thin, he's hod-carrier,"
with immense disgust.
One of the most illustrious of our
living judges, Baron A., contempo-
rary tells us, was travelling once with Il
friend through the South of France,
and so into Italy. He was at the time
of his journey the possessor of q brand
new and very splendid chronometer, of
which he was very proud. A constant
source OF complaint on the journey was
that no watch-pockets were affixed to
foreign beds, and that the chronometer,
placed under the pillow at night, slip
ped, after the custom of thermometers,
from that position, and, in so doing,
incurred risk of breakage. AT length,
at small hotel near Lugano, at which
nights rest was to be taken, the Bar
on found. to his delight, the pocket, the
absence of which had marred the pleas
ure of his journey. So 'overjoyed was
he that there was some talk of arrang-
ing the next days journey with view
to returning to sleep once more
at an inn so far in advance of its
rivals in its attention to the comforts of
guests, In the morning, however, the
Baron came down with a rueful visage
and showed the chronometern now silent
and ruined What had been taken for
q watch-pocket at the head of the bed
was q. small vessel full of holy water
In that the watch had remained all
night without experiencing the benefit
a more responsible being might or
might not have received from such an
immersion.