St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-07-30
Squibs.

SQnDS.
DR.. Tanners experiment is not new.
1t has been tried hundred times by
the editor who has tried to publish a
four-page paper in a one-page town.
Taunton Gazette.
Young man be careful what you do
or say. Keep your record clean. You
may get chance to run for President
some day.-[Buffalo Express.
A bad little Philadelphia boy made
his mothers hair rise the other day.
He stole her swith for kite bobs.-TPhil-
adelphfa Chronicle Herald.
1t is claimed by some medical men
that smoking weakens the eye-sight.
Maybe it does, but just see how it
strengthens the breath Burlington
Hawkeye.
DR.. Tanner, the faster, has been ac-
cused of taking nutriment out of
sponge. Well, if this is SO, the expert
ment has demonstrated wonder, as it
is the first time we ever heard of any
body getting anything orr of a sponge.
1t has always been the other way
baltimore Every Saturday.
The difference between oleomarger-
inc and old butter can be told by the
smell, the New Orleans Picayune says.
One smells worse than the other.
A wife should be like roast lamb,
tender and nicely dressed. No sauce
required Utica Herald. Yet little
Philadelphia mint sauce is a decided
addition.-[Boston Advertiser.
''Ice-water coolers" are advertised,
but why should any one want an ice
water cooler? 1ce-water is cool enough.
What the people want in summer is a
warm water cooler.
1t is estimated that there are 2,OOO,-
100000 bees in this country, and as it is
well known that one bee can break up
a prayer meeting, is not this country in
danger If the bees adopt the unit rule.
II Boston Post.
One day recently, as one of our prom
inent business men was about to enter
his favOrite resort for dinner, he was
accosted by an individual with a de-
cidedly careworn expression who beg
ged that he would assist him to get
something to eat. AS the man looked
like worthy object of charity, the
gentleman told him to go in, and direct
ed the waiter to give him 25 cents worth
of food and charge it to his check. At
tel finishing his own dinner the gen
tieman was proceeding to settle for his
check, when noticing humorous look
ON the walters face, he asked him what
the hungry man had ordered. The re-
ply was, Give glasses of lager."-IBos
ton Advertiser
Sometimes when l look back over
my life, am amazed to see how the
pages of its record are dotted with
halr-breadth escapes. / escaped the
dangers and hardships of the Revolu-
tlonary war by waiting until the war
had been over about 60 years before |
got born. When the Brooklyn theatre
burned | was in Burlington. When the
yellow fever broke out in New Orleans
L was I'D Minnesota, aud Immediately
skipped out for Canada. When was q
boy, at school one day all the bows in
school were fogged all round for rob
blng an apple orchard, and the f1ogging
didn't do bit of good, for every beg
gar of them had the cholera morbus all
that night just the same. And Il? L
was attending another school, % miles
distant. When all of my brothers and
sisters were down with the scarlet
lever, L was down South in the army,
and when L read the letter from home
laughed aleud to think of my great
good fortune, and that l would ONLY
have to be shot at once or twice a
week, instead of having to take medi-
cine three times day. When a man
comes to the Office with little bill,
nine times out of ten am out. And if
by some astonishing bluuder am in.
then indeed l am more unfortunate, but
the man is III no better luck than be-
fore.-[Burdette.
Whether this be a story of fact or al
legory, there is evidently something
wrong with the school system of Texas
The Galveston News has the following
anecdote: GLOW is your son coming
on 7" "Oh, l am having a power Of
trouble with him !" "What's the mat
ter now ?" "Well, you know | couldn't
sehd MN to school, because, thanks to
OoV. ROBERTS, there are no free schools,
ana could not afford to send him to a
private school," eyes, | know that is
So" ''Well, sent him away from Gal
weston out to the frontier, and as luck
would have it, he was convicted of
morse stealing and got five years in the
THAT was bad.n mo it
WASH t, TOR you see at the penitentiary
ne could learn trade and become a
useful citizen" "Well, that's good.n
mo 1t amt, for Gov. Roberts has par
doned him out on account of his yontb
and ignorance"
There wara onoo 49, i,
keepers In Lincolnshire, England, one
oi "hom had the store of the place,
and whose establishment was of earlier
origin than that of his competitor.
w men the latter arrived on the scene
the hrst man put up sign announcing
MS place as the original store. Not t0
be outdone, the other announced his as
the old original store. Then a brisk
competition sprung up in the way of
signs addressed to passers-bv. At
length, weary of the constant warfare
WHICH involved time and thought. the
more reasonable man of the two re-
turned to his old quiet ways. and in
of the cessation of bostili-
Ties, inserted in his window a card
bearing the Latin words, "Mens conscia
Iec!l rec Ia mind conscious of being right.
Il MS was too much for his neighbor.
lie regarded it as another blow of tbe
adversary, but said to himself 81 can
beat that" and the next day in his
window appeared sign in bolder LET
lers than those by his competitor, bear
ing me announcements: "Men's and wo-
mems conscIa recti for sale" This was
the last of the warfare. 80