Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1880-11-25
HUMOROUS.

General Hancock's pay as a major
general is $1,000 per year.
When your opponent calls you liar,
let him have the fioor.-Neso York Nes0s.
There are 1000 pupils in the mission
ary Sunday-schools of Lucknow, India.
Help somebody worse off than your
self, and you will find that you are bet
ter off than you fancied.
Rebecca: Yes; swhen young lady
"goes crazy" over dancing, we think
she could consistently be called hop
ping mad. Yonkers Statesman.
Railroad accidents have their use in
the world. They give thousands of
young hus bands an excuse for not tax
ing their newly-wedded wives upon
bridal tour.
A gentlemanssaw an old Highlander
one day fishing with bent pin. He
said to the man: "Fish will never be
caught with that" AYE, they will, .
the man replied, "if they'll only take it
into their heads"
'tShan we dancer" asks the Syracuse
Standard. If you step on carpet tack,
or run your shin bone against rock
ing chair, when in search of the sooth-
ing syrup, you will dance without ask
ing any questions Herald
The room was poorly lighted;
He couldn't see, he said.
And when he tried to kiss her mouth
He bit her nose instead.
-PeoriG Transcript
Necessity is the mother of invention,
and a newly-married Philadelphia man
* oxpor-iY1a oT7tiun rvith q
apparatus by which party on an upper
floor can light the fire in the kitchen
without coming downstairs or getting
out of bed.
The Lowell Courier isn't printed on
the sea-coast but it knows something
about lighthouses, Just the same. Itsay
" Lighthouses are OF great benefit to the
sailor, in preventing him from being
wrecked; but a succession OF light
houses is sure to wreck. 1.-The theatrical
manager
$50 you enjoyed your visit to the me-
nagerie, did youa" inquired young Silla-
bub of his adored ones little sister.
''Oh, yes. And do you know, we saw
a camel there that screwed its mouth
and eyes around awfully, and sister said
it looked exactly as you do when you
bles. - YoHEe7'S Gazette.
Ibid you hear about that boy being
washed ashorep" asked Gilhooly OF one
of the most prominenti citizens oftGal-
weston. mo; when did that happenP"
''This morning" How was it?"
ssHe was washed ashore by his mother.
You don't suppose she would take him
out into the middle of the Gulf of Mex
soo do uar1 9O-- (1nl7so Sf0J3 Nc1Te
When you meet a young mans who is
smoking cigar it is your duty to stop
him, and say: Young man, that cigar
contains acetic, tormic. cutyric, valerie
and proprionic acids. prussic acid, creo-
sote. carbolic acid, ammonia, sulphuret-
ted hydrogen, SpYridine,s virOdlne and
rubidene, to say nothing of cabbageine
and burdockic acid" He may stick to
the cigar, but youshave done your duty
in the premises.
II assure you, gentlemen" said the
convict, upon entering the prison, that
the place has sought me, and not the
place. My own affairs really demanded
all my time and attention, andsI may
truly say that my selection 10 hll tEis
position was an entire surprise. Had
consulted my own interests | should
have peremptorily declined to serve,
but as l am in The hands of my friends
I see no other course but to submit"
And he .submitted.-B7ston Transcript
He stood, q bronzed and battered form,
Within an old embrasure warm,
Aud leaned upon cannon old,
Halt sunken in nthesiragrant mold;
Then, turning from the rusty gun,
With help OF crutch hetottered on.
A sweet girl-tace looked up at him,
And sweet eyesscanned his aspect grim,
Aud sweet voice said, in quaver low,
9 Oh, gallant warrior, do not 60,
But tell me-tell me where you fought
And where these itearful wounds were
wrought.
Vert smitten in the furious tide
That drenched in blood the bastion's sidel
Or fought upon the slippery deck
Aud sang defiance from the wreck7
Or waved the starry banner high,
Bravely resolved to do or die7n
'Hold on, young gall" The veteran said;
81 am g whitewasher by trade;
1 never At; this trouble Is
Intiammatory rheumatiz.'
---andss~s Queen.