The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-05-01
VARIETY.

.'Man," says Victor Hugo, ''was the conun-
drum Of the eighteenth century; woman Is the
conundrum Of the nineteenth century" An
American editor adds: ave can't guess her, but
will never give her up-nO, never - . - .
Twas Socrates who concluded that the surest
way 10 live with honor IN the world Is to be in
reality Wha: we would appear to be- man
usually is what he appears 70 be, only he doesn't
suspect it. Everybody else with eyes can see it.
The discovery has been made in Norwich. Conn.
that the juryman vino sleeps through the greater
part Of the trial and finally asks, " What the
duce is il al about? " does not ges - tuckered
out - in wrestling with hIs own ideas, but votes
right on the first ballot
Two gentlemen, one named WOOdcOck, and the
other Fuller, walking together, happened to see
an owl. Said Fuller, - That bird is very much
like WOOdcock.'' - You very far wrong"
said Woodcoek - for it's Fuller in the head, Full
Ter in the eyes, and Fuller all over
Have cold piece Of lamb - asked the host
ess, and he took piece. . Good glory? lamb
Why, this s ten years Old, and strong enough to
buck n man right out Of bis chair" The wsg on
the other side Of the table calmly replied ''They
call 1t lamb because it's in ITS second childhood"
-SyTaclSe Times
saw, ya-as, the dinner was not much IN the
line OF dinnah, aw," remarked MIR. TOplOfty,
as be wriggled his thumbs into his vest pockets,
"Its demnitiOn VuIaah, aw, to eat, you know.
but the menu was very elegant, l assure you, aw.
Cost five times much as the pinnah, aw'-
Nel1 HaUea Regi1eT.
When young lady tripped into a music store
the other day and asked the bashful clerk for
az Two Kisses, - he jammed on his hat and rushed
out Of the back door. The clerk. never having
heard Of the piece Of music, thought be was the
victim Of leap year proposal, and his salary was
not large enough to support two.-Norristo'cH
Herald. d
Mus brace up - said Sozzel, as he stood on
the doorstep ut lAM. q II never do let oil Ia
dy 'spect anythin, I" and as Mrs. 5. descended the
stairs clad in her robe de Hlt, SOzzel braeed up,
knocked the ashes of his cigar, and a. the door
opened. said eheerily {" Hullo, VI ria (hic) up
yet? Got mach i1l your pocket" OF course
she did not suspect anything.
\ company Of scapegraees meeting pious old
man named Samson, one OF them exclaimed:
ssAh now we're safe. Wen take Samson along
with Us. and then, should we be set upon by
thousand PhilistInes, he'll slay them all. - My
young friends quietly responded the old man,
'.to do that I should have to borrow yaur jaw
bone 80
Mrs. Brownsmith is a woman With practical
turn Of mind. When Brownsmith bad been
Knocked down and robbed, and was brought home
in a diving condition, this wonderful woman did't
90 into a faint or Mysteries. Not she. She re-
marked with GOODNESS and self possession worthy
Of herself - There, I knew it would be so
told John he'd better leave some OF his money at
home - Boston Transcript. - 49,
Conservative.-Lady Ito new girl)-I pay $40
a year. Girl-That is not enough Lady-But
besides, you will get presents that they don't
give everywhere, slo at Easter, a new dress at
Christnas and g every time there Is a baptism
in the femily. Girl-But l cannot depend on
getting the last item every year for certainty.
Lady-When I say a thing l mean it, Il has
been the custom in our family, and as long as
live it viii not be abolished al
Ms. and Mrs- T. B. HandIey. of this place, be-
ing practical woman sufragists, having last year
set their hen turkey, and thinking that turn
about was fair play, have this year set their tur
KEY gObbler. lie sits on the eggs and pushes
them under him with hs bill as carefully and
sits as regularly as hen. The hen turkey seems
10 think Il the correct thing and goes quietly
about her own business. The gObbler began to
set Of his own accord The golden age OF equal
rights il dawning-
Punning would not be 50 bad were it not 50
infectious Puns leave germs which lie in idle
minds till they fructify and bare baleful crop
Of more puns. The other day some OF Us got 10
talking about that witty old cynic Dean swift,
when one Of the company took advantage Of the
opening and gave this jeu de mot Of his
vhy'' asked the dean, - is il right. by the lex
talionis. to pick an artists pocket" Ii was
given up Of course and the answer was - Be
cause he has pictures" A silence fell about the
table round until, one by one, we saw 1t. Then
one thOugbtful man observed % IL was impossi-
bic to give the answer-because the dean had
contrived 10 reserve the answer to himself
could not. for instance. say that IL is right for
me to pick ARTISTS pocket, because he has
picked yours" Here Is another conundrum.
founded upon pun, which only the prOpOunder
can solve; An old man and young one were
standing by a meadow. Why" asked the
Young man, - is this clover older than you !? q"
a. IL is not, replied the other '' 1t Is though"
returned the young man, g because il is pastur-
age" ThereupOn abstracted looking person,
who had not understood the illustration, startled
US all with this prevalent inquiry - Why can
not a pantomimist tickle nine Esquimaux?
Give it up? Why, it's because he can gestieu-
late"