Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-06-11
GOSSIP o. TIE rAT.


A gentleman and his wifi. with two
little girls, evidently twins and about
three years of age, are seated at one of
the tables in the dining-rOom waiting for
their breakfast to be brought to them.
One of the little girls, who had been in
tently observing what was passing, sud-
denly turned to her sister and said
''Why don't papa say drace:' The re-
ply was, They amt dot any Dod in
Rochester. "-ROchcster CaiOH.
1t is nice moral question whether the
underwriters ought to pay insurance on
canal boats which recklessly set sail with
ont mailing a horseshoe to the stern posi-
-Bufulo Express.
Professor-"Can any one tell us the
origin of the expression Go to 2? En-
bryo Minister-''Perhaps there was
something more to it once, and they left
it off because it didn't sound we'll
A succession of direful'shrieks is heard
on the first floor Fond Nother-'.What
is the matter with Billy" Colored Ser
vant-''Please, mann, he IS cryin' about
de jewberries." He can't have any more.
He has had four saUccr-fulls already.
"Derl is de berry ones he is whOopin'
about. He is all swolled up.-Galrcs'pB
NeUs.
Clinical Professor (surrounJed by
medical students, at the bedside of pa
tient WHAT is your Profession Pa
tient-''A musician, sir. Professor
turning to his pupils AS you see,
gentlemen, this poor man has an affection
Of the lungs. Here is an opportunity of
proving to YOU the truth Of all that |
have told You so frequently iii the lecture
room, viz, that the fatigue and the effort
of the respiratory organs in blowing
musical instrument are frequently the
cause of the illness from which this man
Ill suffering" Then again addressing the
sick person-''What instrument do Won
play ?" Patient-''The cymbals and the
big drum, sir" Tableau.
Whales are becoming numerous in the
ocean says an exchange. We like a state
ment that gives the full fact as this one
does 1t relieves one of the suspicion
that whales are becoming numerous on
the prairies, or that they are infosting the
woods or hiding III caves on the noun
tains. People know now where to be on
the lookout for whales. -BostCa Post.
A Regular Turk Tommy (who has
Just been operated on)-''i mean to be
dentist when | grow up" Amt Annie
'Why dear o. Tommy-''To have re-
venge "-Pnch-
The good man says: '-All things are
for the best, and mentally adds, Il am
the Lest. "-Ne,o Orleans PicayHae.
Mamma, can't We have anything We
WANT" Yes my dears; but be careful
and don't want anything You can't have.
in some respects the gentler sex far
surpass u.s. No man, for instance, can
deliver lecture with dozen pins in his
mouth. Ba-ar.
At restaurant Take away the
sauerkraut there's hair in it - Mon
sieur, you astonish me- / thought | had
picked them all out '--irgonn,;t.
Mother Symptoms famous prophecy
says that the end of the world will take
place in 1881 This" remarks the Al
bany Journal, cannot but prove 4 com
forting thought to people who have
mortgages to lift in 1SS2
A clergyman was recently prosecuted
IN England for stealing an umbrella.
which he had taken from Il shop in 4
shower. He was released, the Judge
doubtless charging the jury, Let him
first umbr~ - .t;lio Co"fie..
Prof. Geiger sat in an easy chair ON th1
deck, looking very pale. The compass
sionate captain asked how he felt. Mis-
cradle, miserable ; I'm sick, captain. I'm
sick. | have paid tribute IL Neptune till
| have lost everything" But, said the
captain, Il see you still have your boots
left" Yes, said the professor. flintiy,
''but they were on the outside"
Freshman PLEASE, sir, dill | pass
ln-?" Professor no. TN 81 sor-
ry to say you didn't quite come up to the
mark" Freshman-"Th yoI. sir
and starts out smiling all over. as ii
highly delightedl. Professor-''Excuss
ne, Mr., I'm afraid you miSundcr-
stood me. | said You hadn't passed
Freshman-"Oh don't care anything
bout that. I've Won nv bet all the
same.
Hans Growyost, worthy German fay
ner, who has been lifelong resident of
Berks County, has Il slr, wish wife. who
las long rendered his life anything hut
ouch of roses One dly not long ago
'he. in fit Of pique, picked mp her buds
md left HIM, vowing never to come back.
The news went around among the neigh
,ors-you know how Intelligence OF all
.inds does travel i'll the county-lud ut
light several of them, of whom [ was
ne, went to conlole with Hans. He sat
III his front stoop putting away at his
'ipe. Hans, | remarked, Il pity You
My boy" replied the honest Dutchman,
5 he disturbedly knocked ont the ashes
t his pipe, ''you vas right. She has
hust come buck ,"-Chc<'er (Pa0.)
The latest rage among young ladies Is
, possess an old-fashioned spinning
heel for parlor ornament. The desire
:, possess an old-fashiunesl wash-bDarl
nj tub as a kitchen ornament doesn't
lgc much among Young ladies. They
70 about rs handsome as the spinning
heel, but they are no; fashionable
orTisto'rn HeratL
There said charming lady. with
1--WE expression, that made her fac, IA
ant, pointing to an ebony case OF china
are, that is my brickbat cabinet"
What is the wors. thingabout riches?"
ked the Sunday school superirtcr. isr.t
nd the rev boy III the bal class under
e gallery, who only came in hast Sun
y, stood up and said, Their scarcity"
nd III his confusion the superintendent
Id the schooi tQ iise and sing Don't be
aary children. "--B0rtiagiojs HprLtyc.
The following dialogue takes place be
ieen Calino and Gubellard on the banks
the Seine: C-''Where does all the
yer water go?" G-'lEtH tro sea
Ans, how happens 1t, with all the
iuents of rivers, that the sea never
erflows ?" G.-"You great donkey
e sponges absorb the excess" There
nothing like science
Physician ito government clerk
Veil. what do You complain OFF" q. c.
'Sleeplessness, doctor" Physician
i what tune do You 20 to bcd?" &C.
oh, don't mean at night. hut during
Ice hours"
\ little fellow turning over the leaves
a scrap-book, came across the we'll
own picture of some chickens lust out
their shell. He examined the picture
'etuli,, ans, then. with ii rlaY@, saga
us look, slowly remarked They
ne out Goa they was afraid Of beng
He'd"