davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
Not On Good Terms.

"Did you know that the Simpkinses
and l weren't ON good terms % said Col
onel Scion, as he dropped into the edi-
torial chair of the Oil City Derrick, like
bag of bran out of wagon.
"No; what's the trouble ?'
dump if know zactly. Yer see,
the other night men my wife war invited
out to party at Deckin Todd's an we
went, caz knew that the Deckin didn't
scrlmp on eatables bit, an alters had
suthing in jug down cellar. Well.
when we got there the house was mighty
nigh filed, an every one was talking
kind O. loose like, an complimenting
each other in various ways. Everything
Sid along as smoothly as chunk Of
butter on a hot knife till, long arter sup
per time, Mr. Simpkin, SEE he to my
wife, SEE he, Mrs Scion, yer looks
bout as nigh as young as yer did ten
years ago. an my wife. seq she, Yer a
fatterin' me, Mr.. Simpkin, coz my wife
she knows what to say, she does. An
warn't COIN to be outdone in perliteness.
an | seed Mrs. Simpkin t'other side of
the room, and so l sings out, Hi, Mrs.
Simpkin, land O. Goshen, but that air
wig | saw yer buyin' t'other day makes
yer look as pert as sixteen-year-old
gal; when yer git yer false teeth we
won't know yer from yer darter.' An
then smiled pleasantly like, but, sakes
alive! that air room was just as still as a
hay-mow for about two minutes, an Mrs
Simpkin looked like she wanted to kick
somebody army wife, seq she, Solo
mon, Solomon, Jest as if I'd sot down on
the baby or broke lookin' glass. The
people didn't seem to breathe easy for q
long time, an Bunby we KEN away, an
my wife SEE she, Solomon Scion, some
men are made fools, an some men are
born fools. An SEE I, Sally, that's so:'
but | do not know for the life O me who
she was thinking on, unless twas that
natral fool of Todd's.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
A Lesson In Making Ont a Bill.

Speaking of sections reminds the
Philosopher of the Syracuse Herald of a
story which one of the old members of
the craft used to tell. He had funeral
to conduct for the family of Mr.. NJ, a
wealthy but eccentric merchant. When
it was over he handed in his bill made
out according to his usual custom. Mr..
NJ. put on his eyeglasses, opened the
bill and fead 1t carefully through. 81
see you have charge of thirty-six dol
lars for kid gloves here, = said he, chow
many pair did you buy?"
"a dozen, was the answer.
"And here, again, you have fifty dol
lars charged for scarfs worn III the pro-
cession. How many scarfs were there,
and what did they cost?"
81 had to have a dozen-two of them
new and the rest cleaned and made over.
Their entire cost was about thirty-fve
dollars.
"And you have put down carriage hire
at $50. How many carriages had you?''
eight in all"
"And they cost you how much apiece?"
Flour dollars ,"
every well, sir, / decline to pay your
bill"
The sexton was thunderstruck; Mr.. NJ
had never been known to dispute a rea-
sonable account with any one before, and
he was reputed very rich
81 could have gone to a store and
bought all those gloves for 81 pair my
SELF" the millionaire went on, cor S24
for the lot. / could have hired ten scaffs
and had the others made for $35. 1 could
have got the carriages from any livery
stable for $50. Twenty-four and thirty
two are fifty-six, and thirty-fve make
ninety-one. You have charged me $136
for articles which I could have procured
for $91 myself. Ipresume there are other
items of the same sort elsewhere In the
account.
"But, Mr.. NJ, +"
81 decline to pay the bill, sir. Take
it back and make it out again right
''But NJ, must make something on
these affairs; that is the only means /
have Of gaining a livelihood.
Make your bill out as it should be,
say"
"But, sir, you won't find that any
other undertaken in the city would have
served you better"
'Perhaps not; and more's the pity.
Still, [ decline to pay your bill IN its
present shape"
Sadly crestfallen, the sexton was about
to turn away, when the merchant pointed
to seat at his writing table.
''Sit down there" said he, 'and I will
teach you how to make out bill. First,
enter the hearse, coffin, advertisements,
etc, as you have them. Then write
TO one dozen pair black kid gloves, at
50, $24; to making two scarfs and repair.
ing ten old ones, $35; to hire of eight
carriages at 81, $32.' Now you have
your account in correct shape as far as il
goes. But you have said nothing about
your own services; so write: ITO sections
labor and time, $500 Is that satisfactory:
If not, make it $150-$2O0 whatever
you consider fair sum. We shall moi
dispute about that What I object to is
not the amount I am called upon to pay.
but the pretexts under which it is de.
manded. Your first bill wasn't business.
like; your second will be. Do you see
the difference"
The sexton both saw and admitted it.
He learned lesson from that interview
which he never afterward forgot.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05

AS class the japanese are probably
the most clearly in the world, as far as
their bodies are concerned. They wash
two or three times day in lighthouses
as plenty as beer saloons in America.
The only drawback is that they will wear
the same suit of clothes fully year, and
never change it except at night to put on
heavy quilted cloak which serves them
rs bed at the same time. In the cold
est winter or the hottest days in summer
they seldom wear hats. Their hair is
bushy, always black and very coarse.
The hair of the Japan woman is always
well kept and they spend more money
with the hairdresser than they do with
their food, which latter consists of fish
and rice.-Letter from Yedo.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
A Bonanza Of Bears and Lions.

John Rowles left his sheep ranch, near
Keefer's Mill, for days sport. He did
not get very far before he discovered
bear tracks, both large and small This
discovery was followed up by his coming
upon number the 'svarmints'' taking
things easy under spreading manzanita
tree. John stood his ground Inanfully,
and blazed away nth his deadly Rem
ington, and two Of he full-grown bears
were killed outright. .Nhe third, although
badly wounded, went w his scalp, and
John had to retreat to She crotch of a
tree close by. With admin able foresight
he froze to his gun, and as loon as the
beast came up to his roosting place he
laid him out by splendid shot through
the eye. On coming down for his perch
JohL feasted his eyes with the sight of
his victims, and while enjoying this
pleasure he heard some cubs crying for
their mother. In looking around the
brush he found two fine cubs, which he
secured and took home. While on his
way back he fell In with two California
lions. which he bagged, thus making
perfect bonanza of game for one days
sport. Johnny feels bigger now than old
Grant, and will not soon forget his
splendid luck. -Cbico (CGE. Enterprise.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
Grandfather's Kitchen.

"My grandfather's kitchen was a
somber room, ceiled and painted brown
with huge beams, high dressers. and
yawning fireplace. 1t had only two
small windows, and was entered by nine
doors. 1t was in reality the great hall
of the house. What it lacked by day was
light and sunshine. At night, bright
ened by roaring backlog, it was full of
cheer. Then its beams and ceilings and
simple furnishings were enriched by
shadows, and the pewter dishes upon its
brown dressers shone In the dancing fire.
light like silver. The two shelves full of
leather-covered books; the weather-wise
almanac hanging from peg; the cross
legged crane with its kissing tea-kettle;
the brush the bellows the settle in the
corner, and whatever else was there. all
became fire-changed, and were mellowed
into the bright scene. This room was by
night the best part of the house. 1t was
always the true heart of it; the vital cen
ter from which diverged its indwelling
life. 1t was the place where people
lounged and fingered. Because its small
windows let In a few sunbeams, those
which did come in were all the more
preciors. Because it was full of homely
things, and was, as the woman said.
most convenient, it had inwrought into
it, as a picture, quaint beauty of adapt
alton. Mellow, brown old kitehen-how
many costly rooms simulate, III their fur
nishing, your inexpensive colors ?''-
From Neao England BygoSaeS. :
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
4 Heroine in a fly

used to know the late g. P. R.
James, whose novels at one time enjoyed
a very large circulation One day I
called upon him, as we had agreed to 90
out somewhere together. I found him
dolefully seated over manuscript. He
was not writing, but he was gazing at ii
with melancholy despair. / thought he
was i'll, and asked him whether this was
the case. No, he said, he was physically
WELL What, then, was the matter with
him? anxiously inquired. ct is my
heroine, " he answered 81 have got her
IN such a fix that can not extricate her
without slight violation of the rules Of
propriety." 'Then let her be improper,
and don't let us be late for the train. .
fiippantly said. my dear friend, /" he
replied, do you want to ruin me !? Are
you not aware that [ live by never allow
ing my heroines to do anything to which
the most stringentmamma might object?
If once the slightest doubt were raised
about my novels being sound reading for
the most innocent of school-room girls
my occupation would be gone" And so
we missed the train, but the heroine
emerged from the pages of the novel
model of all that a heroine ought to do
under difficult circumstances. -Londo,a
Truth
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
A Gentleman Defined.

What is a gentleman ?" asks an in
terested exchange. As we grasp the
subject, gentleman is strange med
ley of curious mysteries. 1t is living
and moving human being, that hangs
out at hotels, wears cardinal hose and
fears not to show them, sports a dimin-
utive cane, bridges his nasal beacon
with eyeglasses hitched to a string,
ogles pretty girls on the street or at the
theater, bores editors and other weak
lvered dyspeptics, smokes the clear
quill, kinnekinick filler, with tissue pa
per wrapper, plays billiards muchly,
swears elegantly, waltzes the Racket"
divinely, talks slicker than boiled
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
A Sphere for XVonncn.

There IS one sphere of usefulness.
open to all women, so natural, so right,
so especially sacred to women, that 1
only wonder many more do not enter
upon 1t, especially those not of the low
er but of the middle classes, who require
to earn an honorable living. An ordi-
nary sick nurse must prepare herself to
meet every form of human SUFFERING. but
there is one form of inevitable and hope
full suffering To which women are con-
demned, in which formerly only their
own sex ministered to them. Without
entering upon medical discussion, I wish
to give it as my distinct opinion, in
which numbers more agree, that women
are far the best to attend women in their
hour of trial, not only as monthly
nurses, but-why shirk the old Bible
word ?-midwives. We are apt to forget
that childbirth is not disease, but a
natural event, in which nature can gen.
orally take care of herself, if aided by
care, caution, experience, and, above all,
patience. 1t is this quality of patience,
so much greater in our sex than the
other, which makes it desirable, if fol-
no other reason, that the obstetric art
should fall exclusively into the hands OF
women-not ignorant, but educated
women-who, at the critical hour, and
afterward, can use their brains as well as
their hearts, their intelligence and sym
pathy as well as their practical skill and
experience. Those who so much about
the world-I do not mean the gay, but
the Woodworking and understanding
world-must have noticed how very
manly women die in childbirth. Not sc
much amid the upper classes and lower
who have often none, only some clever
old woman, who, making up in experience
what she lacks in education, brings
into existence half the population of a
village~-but the intermediate class,
wives OF clerks, tradesmen or pool
gentlemen, who aim at the dignity of doe.
tor and nurse, but can only afford them
Of an inferior kind, and who often pay
with their lives for the incapacity OF
carelessness of both. 1t is for these that
an educated woman, who would be al
once trained midwife and a monthly
nurse, might come to the rescue, lessen.
ing rather than increasing the heavy ex.
penses which in many families make the
advent of every child a dreadand a curse
rather than blessing; and lessenine
still more those sad fatalities which the
stricken household believe to be the
visitation of God," but which Others
know well would not have happened
did not need to happen-except through
stolid ignorance, indifference Oh culpable
neglect on the part of those attending
the sufferer. 1t is hard thing to say
and say in print, though many one has
said in words, looking at some poor
cofined face, taken suddenly away in
the midst of youth and life: "She die
not die-she was killed, simply killed.
| Miss MuIoch, IN Harper'8 Bazor.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
USEFUL HINTS.

To RESTORE VELvETs. Hold over a
basin of boiling water, back down. It
takes long time, but the nap will rise.
To CLEAN BLACK CASHMERE. Wash
in hot suds with little borax in the
water, rinse in very blue water, and iron
while damp on the wrong side.
TO ReMevE SooRcH FROM LINEN.
Peel and slice two oniofis; extract the
Juice by pounding and squeezing; cut
up half an ounce of fine white soap and
add to the juice two ounces of fuller's
earth and half pint of vinegar; boil
all together; VIXEN cool, spread over the
scorched linen and let dry on; then
wash and boil out the linen, and the
spots will disappear,
To RESTORE FADED UPHOLSTERY
The following directions were recently
given to a correspondent Of the London
Furniture Gazette Beat the dust out
Of them thoroughly, and afterWafd british
them then apply to them strong lath-
er of CASTLE soap by means of hard
brush wash the lathcr off with clear
water, and afterward wash them with
alum water. When dry the colors will
be restored to their original freshness.
When the colors have fdded beyond re-
covery they may be touched with pen
ell dipped in water colors of suitable
shade, mixed with gum water.
LEMONADE, Few persons understand
properly the art of making lemonade.
The lemon shotild first be rolled between
the hands until it is quite soft, the skin
removed with a sharp knife, and every
pip extracted, the lemon being held over
tumbler that no juice may be lost in
the operation. The pulp should then
be divided into small pieces, and the su-
gar thoroughly mixed with it. Last of
all, the requisite amount Of water should
be added. Orangeade may be made in
the same way as lemonade, using less
sugar. They both should be iced. I'M
perial drink is made by adding a. small
teaspoonful of cream of tartar dissolved
in boiling water to each pint of lemon
ade.
PETROLEUM FOR RUSTIC WoRK.-"We
see on every hand, says an exchange,
handsome rustic work falling to decay
and becoming distorted by age. It is
commonly made OF kind OF wood which
does not last long. Soak it thoroughly
with crude petroleum when new, and it
will remain unchanged indefinitely. A
rustic summer-house on shaded part of
our grounds would have been unusually
exposed to dampness and decay had not
this been prevented dozen years ago
by petroleum. The peculiar brown color
impaired by mixture of the heavy oil
remains Unchanged; and lattice work
of pine lath a fourth of an iuch thick.
fully exposed to dampness and weather,
is as sound and unworn as ever. The
oil is now SO cheap that there is no ex-
cuse for emitting its application, and
it may be rapidly and easily brushed
over the surface, and sunk into the pores
with a whitewash brush. Apply it
| heavily"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
Value of the Snnfinwar-

In Southwestern Russia, between the
Baltic and the Black seas, the sunfower
is universally cultivated in fields, gar
dens and borders, and every part of the
plant is turned to practical account. A
hundred pounds of seed yields forty
pounds of oil, and the pressed residue
forms wholesome food for cattle, as
also do the leaves and the green stalks,
cut up small, all being eagerly eaten.
The fresh flowers, when little short of
full bloom, furnish dish for the table
which bears favorable comparison with
the artichoke. They contain large
Quantity Of honey, and SO prove an at
traction to bees. The seeds are yalu-
able food for poultry; groundinto -four,
pastry aud cAkes can be made from
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
Women and Politics,

In this campaign the fair sex seem to
be more determined than ever before to
be heard. They are forming clubs for
active service in many parts of the
country, and several of them never miss
an opportunity of giving utterance to
their preferences and principles when
one presents itself. That the gentle
creatures should have preferences and
principles is but natural but that they
should open and run Democratic or Re
publican headquarters in any district
does not seem to be altogether the thing
to the average man in well-regulated
communities. A gentleman would not
like to come home at night to supper
and learn that he could not get 1t be-
cause the wife of his bosom OF his dear
housekeeping little sister had to deliver
a stump-speech at the club OF was MAX
ing arrangements for a torch-hght pro-
cession. No; women can be heard in
politics in the household much more ad-
vantageously and effectively than they
can on the stump or in any club room.
-Ne2D York ETOTeSS.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05

As the picnic train was passing over
the bridge, near the Five-Mile House, a
middle-aged woman approached it from
the opposite direction. She was walk
ing pretty rapidly, and seemed to be I'M
aware OF the proximity of the train until
a whistle from the engineer aroused her
to sense of her danger. She was then
but short distance from the advancing
train, and, instead of throwing up her
hands IN despair or jumping off, as many
another would have done, she very de-
hberately lowered herself between the
sleepers and hung on with both hands
until the train had passed on. When
all danger was over she faised herself up
again, and resumed her Journey as if
nothing had happened. Such presence
OF mind is seldom seen, and it was no
wonder that the astonished train hands
gave the brave woman cheer as they
saw her rising from the dangerous posi-
ton. st. John (NeaO Bg'aaasaOick) Globe.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05

Three men Of wealth meeting not long
since in New York, the conversation
turned upon their wives. Instead Of
finding fault with women in general,
and their wives in particular, each one
obeyed the wise mans advice, and
gave honor unto his v7ife.'
81 tell you what it is said one of the
men, they may say what they please
about the uselessness of modern women,
but my wife has done her share IN secur-
ing our success in life.
Everybody knows that her family
was aristocratic and expensive, and all
that, and when I married her she had
never done days work in her life, but
when W. & Co. failed, and [ had to COM
mence at the foot of the hill again, she
discharged the servants and chose but a
neat little cottage, and did her own
housekeeping until [ was better off. z"
And my wife," said a second, "was
an only daughter, caressed and petted
to death, and everybody said, We'll, if
he will marry doll like that, he'll make
the greatest mistake of his life, but
when I came home the first year
of marriage, sick with fever, she
nursed me back to health, and I never
knew her to murmur because I thought
we couldn't afford any better style or
more Injuries"
=" Well gentlemen" chimed in third,
Il married smart, healthy, pretty
girl, bnt she was regular hIne-stock-
ing. She adored Tennyson, dotel oz
Byron, read Emerson, and named the
first baby Ralph Waldo Emerson, and
the second Maud, but / tell you what
It's, and the speakers eyes grew sus-
plciously moist, "when we laid little
Maud in her last bed at Auburn, my
poor wife had no remembrance of neg
lect or stinted motherly care, and the
little dresses that still lie in the locked
drawer were all made by her own
hands. Journal Of Commerce.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05

them; and boiled IN alum water. thew
yield blue coloring matter. The care
fully dried leaf Is used as tobacco. The
seed receptacles are made into blotting
paper, and the inner part of the stock
into fine writing paper; the woody por-
tons are consumed as fuel, and from the
resulting ash valuable potash is oh
tanned. Large plantations of them in
ewa1npy places are protection against
intermittent fever.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
Andres PrOnhetic Poem.

During the years 1779 and 1880 Andre
was on duty in New York, and took q
leading part in the social life of that
city. He accompanied Sir Henry Gin
ton at the capture of Stony Point, June
l, 1779, and wrote as aid-de-camp upon
the glacis of Fort Lafayette the terms of
capitulation conceded to the garrison
He kept careful diary and frequently
wrote squibs in prose and verse for the
loyalist papers, and in August, 1880,
composed at Elizabethtown burlesque
poem entitled "The Cow Chase" in
three cantos, amounting to seventy
quatrains. The subject was the attack
made by Gen. Wayne upon a block
house hear Bulls Ferry, two or three
miles below Fort Lee, in order to drive
in some cattle from Bergen Neck. By a
singular coincidence the last canto of
this poem was printed in RiUington's
Gazette, Sept. %, 1850, the day of the
poets capture at Tarrytown. The last
stanza is as follows
And now I've closed my epic strain;
tremble as show it,
Lest this same warrior drover. Wayne,
Should ever catch the poet
1t happened, singularly enough, that
Gen. Wayne was the commander of the
post at Tappan at the time OF Andres
execution. The original of the "Cow
Chase" in Andres autograph, is still
preserved, and underneath the above
quoted lines an American pen has added
the coarse commentary:
When the epic strain sung,
The poet by the neck was hung.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-11-05
From the London Times

SOCIETY has been aptiy compared to a
heap of embers, which, when separated,
soon Ianguish, darken, and expire; but if
placed together glow with a ruddy and
intense heat-a Just emblem of the
strength, happiness, and the security
derived from the union Of mankind. The
savage, who never knew the blessings of
combination, and he who quits society
from apathy or misanthropic spleen, are
like the separated emblers-dark, dead,
useless; they neither give nor receive
heat, they neither love nor are beloved.
To what acts of heroism and virtue, In
every age and nation, has not the impetus
of affection given risel To what gloomy
misery, despair, and even suicide, has
not the desertion of society led! How
often in the busy haunts of men are all
our noblest and gentlest virtues called
forth! And how, in the bosom of a re-
cluse. do all the soft emotions languish
and grow faintl