The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1880-04-10
FUNNYGRkPHS.

morse GaulSu.
The trees Will shortly get up releaf
boom of their own.-hcOhUE cate Ctty.
VOTERS should remember that the big
gist poll knocks the most perslmmons.
YOnkcTs Statesman.
A FAMILIAR instance of color-blindnes
is that OF man taking q brown silk UNI
brella and leaving a green gingham It's
place.
THE man with the shabby overcoat is
the first to complain of the heat of the
northward soaring suu.-BostOH Tran
script
YoU can always tell a clerk in a dry
goods store from the millionaire pro-
prietor. by the good clothes the clerk
wears. -Steu5enyiHc Hcrald.
WHEN the big elephants heard that
baby elephant had been born unto Phil
dclphia, they all went oil ON a big trunk.
- Onmcrciol 1drrfiSer-
TRYING to do business without nd
vertising is like winking at girl III the
dark. You may know what you are do
ing, but nobody else does
WE suggest that everybody drop the
discussion Of the Gem puzzle and tiy
and find out why base VOL players are
always fat -Bridgcport Sentinel
SINCE an Oswego barber was fined 50
for shaving a man on Sunday, the great
question III Oswego every Sabbath Is
What shall we do TO be shaved n
:" DoS'r be afraid, said a snob to a
German Iaborer; " sit down and make
yourself my equal. g would haf to
pillow my prains out, was the reply OF
the Tcutun.
4 VERMONT man spent 100 successive
DAVIS in irving to run down and Kill
fox, and when he at last got sight of him
and fired a shot the bullet killed $500
horse and the fox sloped away.
''SopuoMoRE The gentleman You
refer to-Ge0rge WashingtOn-ma have
been a great man, but we fail to find any
racc-horse named after him, which Is the
test Of popular esteem out west.
THE following dialogue actually oc-
Cured anont the recent open winter:
Pat" Moike, did liver We see a winter
loike this wan 2" Mike" Indade |
did" Pat" Whin?" Mike Last
summer, shure, and begone to ye!'
THE expression of boys face ut the
end of a straw that lacks two inches OF
reaching the cider in the barrel is sup
posed to be The model that the artist
I selected in The delineajion Of Adam
leaving Paradise CiHcjaltQE Saturday
NigIL.
$50 You call it charity ball, do
von9" said the old gentleman. nodding
lis head towards lady whose corsage
was particularly brief Well, it re-
quirCs a good deal Of charity to excuse
their style Of dressing "-NcU York
4 tiorld.
4 ! BosToN man went into a millinery
store in Atlanta and asked for a night
shirt, ana when lie got back to his hotel
one eve was closed, two of bis teeth
gone, ana his hair looked like the stuff
+ ing Of an old chair.-DcfrOH Free
I Press
/ PRoFEssoR-Which is the more dcIi-
cate Of the senses? ophomore-The
touch. Professor-Prove it. Sopho-
more-When You sit on a tack. You
+ can't hear it; you can't see it; you can't
taste 1t; You can't smell it; but it's
there. BrookIylt Eagic.
\ French physician has published
pamphlet showing the terrible I" effects
OF smoking on the heart But we have
known more terrible effects to be pro-
duced on the heart III five minutes by
a little maiden in a calico dress than by
twenty years Of steady and uutimng devo-
ton to the weed COuinlCrci0i Id
rcrti&cr.
AMAN from New Jersey recently on r
visit to West Point, while stro!hng
through the government ground was at
tracted by n number of cannon, the mu2-
zle ends OF which were imbeded III the
earth What are these guns placed in
this position for? inquired he Of a cadet
who Glanced to pass. = Ia case Of q war
with China, was the young soldiers
reply.
A BRIDGEPORT attorney recently took
strong exception to a ruling Of the court
that certain evidence was Unadlnissable,
q know, your honor" said ne warmly,
''that it IS proper evidence. Here ann
/ have been practising Mt the bar for forty
years, and now | want to know if !
fool?" That, replied the court, rs
question of fact and not OF law, and so
shall not PASS upon 1t, but let the jury
decide
ASTRONOMERS say that the planet Nep-
tune is SO far from the earth that if Adam
and Eve had from the first day of Their
existence started on railroad train and
Travelled steadily, day and night, at the
rate of thirty miles m hour, toward
Neptune, they would by this time have
traversed only little more than half the
distance to the vapOrous orb. The hui
man race IS. therefore, to be coDgratu-
lated upon the fact that Adam and Eve
did not undertake any such foolish trip
/ -ROmC ScHtjHci.
THE luscrutahle beings known as
d" boys, SAYS the Hotr, are proverhauy
more quick witted than men in getting
out Of scrape 4 lad was being cate
chized by his pastor, and had the ques..
ton put to him as to the number ("
things necessary III the rite Of baptism.
He replied, ''Thrce" "Stupid boy;
exclaims the holy man, "cyery"o4,y
knows that there are only two-t1e
Prayer Book and the water. What 40
you mean by three ?" The boy'spr.mPt
answer came in the form Of thequestioD,
And how about the baby?'
A DRAMA in Real Life: Scene, Smoh,
ing room OF the Rally Club. lime
midnight. Dramatis PersonR: Brown
and Robinson. Brown Ga happy bach
elor): "Wai-tawl Another of those SIX
penny cigars, and inst one m9r'-as
before, you know. Yes, Room-
son, as | was saying, a truly shocking
state of affairs that over III kusTL,