davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13
How She Got Noah.

A Detroit Justice of the Peace was the
other day interviewed by woman about
forty-ivc years of age, who announced
that she would be married on a certain
night at her farmhouse, and His Honor
had been selected to come out and per-
form the ceremony. She asked how
much the fee was and paid it and took
a receipt. Business concluded, she sat
down, filled short clay pipe with to-
bacco and INDUCED in smoke. 80
You won't funk out on thisp' she
said, as she rose to go, after exhausting
the contents of her pipe. a. -.i-.- .. d
"a 90! no-Tn be there, sure"
"So'll /, and soil he, or I'll know the
reason why! He's been clawing off lit
tie lately, but Ill make him toe the
mark. see if DON'T i.,.t at .-rs
Il hope nothing unpleasant will &C.
cur" observed the court. ...,,. .,.yy
Il hope so, too, but I'm going to be
prepared for scrimmage Just the same.
You always back the weaker sex, don't
your iall, lai-a. 81 q; w. .te
81 "Y-yes,'' softly replied the justice.
$50 do I, and guess we'll be all
right. Don't forget the date" ~ : ''' =
His Honor went out last night pre-
pared to. perform the ceremony. with
promptness and goodwill. He found
about q dozen persons assembled at the
house, and the woman looked gorgeous
under the light of three kerosene lamps.
She had her pipe going, and her face
was covered with bland smile, as she
shook hands and said: t-r .le d-r.Ir
IT" Take q cheer. The old man isn't here
yet, but I'll send for him." Then, turn
ing to a boyin the room, she continued:
~ " Samuel, 60 and tell the old man IL s
timeto come in and be spliced.r 4f
Samuel departed on his GRAND, and
after the lapse of ten minutes he returned
and responded:
"The old man is over to Martins.
He's got his boots off and is whiting ont
y wooden cat, and.I don't believe he cares
two cents about being married to you or
anybody else -,..5 ...'.-
The widow refilled her pipe. took sew
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13
@PUNgENT YxKxURaPHs.-

HE that gathereth in summer is a
wise dealer" was not written of the ice
dealer. Cincinnati, GGEette. z, a
1t is said that care viii kill cat;
but very few people care enough for q
cat to try the experiment.-N o, Pea
yune. ~ FL 81
-"She never told her love "-because
her young man, anticipating something
of the kind, hasn't called TO see her since
leap year opened.-Norristoacn Herald.
"A medical journal is discussing the
question, how long we can live on pigs
feet. Pigs sometimes live on them three
or four years, or even more.-Americdn
Queen.
passed through the mill says: !" A man
can live on music and poetry until he is
married, but after that he must be fed
regularly or he will make music of an
other kind .lf...f ..,.-., ..,
The latest sweet thing in the song
line. is entitled, Kiss Me Quickly,
Birdie Darling" 1t is described as
serio-comic-the serio part probably be-
ginning upon the arrival of the old man.
Chicago Tribune. p. Bin
The Nihilists are probably SO called
because whenever they 60 a cunning for
a monarch, they get nothing. AT least
they only get hanged, and that isn't
what they want Burlington Hawk-
Eye-. r4rrE
Women can keep secrets. A Wor-
cester girl on friend solemnly promis-
ing not to tell, told that she was going
to have four new dresses costing sixty
dollars each. The friend religiously
kept her promise not to tell and the first
mentioned young lady doesn't speak to
her now. ftl - f-i" H"t1 fa .l-
"A New Haven belle, according to
the Register, tired of living an aimless,
plague painting life, has actually taken
to cooking. She dumped the contents
of her rouge box in her first pan of
dough instead Of saleratus, to be sure,
but the beautiful rose tint 1t impaired to
the bread after it was baked amply at
toned for the error. 1t was ornamental
cooking, merely. 1t wasn't intended for
dietetic purposes.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13
LATE NEWS ITEMS.

THE Senate, on the Sd, passed q
Joint resolution authorizing the Secretary Of
War to donate rations to sufferers by the re-
cent cyclone at Macon, Miss. In the House
the Republicans insisted upon having read
in full every measure introduced, in order
to head off an anti-third term resolution,
which it was reported the Democrats were
about to spring upon them. -.
The Memorial Hall of the Soldiers,
Home at Dayton, o., was burned on the
night Of the LIST, together with most OF its
contents, consisting of war relics of various
kinds. '' '''' I'D
ON the first day of May five steam
ships arrived at New York from Europe,
bringing 4 1891 immigrants. French papers
state there are 250, 900 persons awaiting
means of transportation to this country.
SCARLET FEVER and measles are
raging epidemically at indianapolis. Re-
ports furnished to the Superintendent Of
Schools show over one thousand cases not
recorded on the books of the Board of Health,
to whom cases were reported twenty to
thirty daily. .3,.. q ...5..
DIR. SAMUEL CHOPIN, the well known
physician and surgeon, died at New Orleans
on the I'd, of pneumonia, after three days
illness.
AN emphatic denial is given to the
story that foreign Jews are being expelled
from Russia; on the contrary regulations
against the residence of Jews in several
provincial towns have been suspended.
A FIRE occurred at Christiansburg,
Va, on the Sd, in which Mrs. Martha Jones
and her five children were burned to death.
From all the facts obtained it is believed that
the mother set fire to the dwelling for the
purpose of destroying herself and chill
dren. She had been suffering with
severe nervous disease, and had obtained an
idea that she was being pursued by evil
spirits. The fire was discovered in time to
put it out, but the woman refused to let any
one enter, declaring that she would rather
die than be saved. 2 estT e. .u1.s
The s.. Louis Globe-Dcnaocrut of the
4th publishedIa special from Chicago an
nouncing that Gen. Logan had, been
called home. from >, Washington to
take the, leadership Of the Grant
party IN Illinois, because or the discovery of
n conspiracy between the Blaine and Wash :.
burne men to electan 'anti-thfrti-term dele
cation at Springfield to the, Chicago, Con-.
yention. $500.
Mr.. BERNADEAU's house, at Clay
mont, Del, burned on the morning of the
I'd, and young servant girl persisted in the
flames. fs4l'*E R8 @es1 taHel *e&
= w. II. DooLIrrLE, Assistant Com.
missioner of Patents, has rendered his resiy.
nation, to take effect May 81. 81 asr.,frscv7
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13
Hand In Hand Of the Golden Gates

A touching incident occurred in the
deaths of the aged people Mr.. and Mrs.
attendance during their illness thaS wcfe
placed in separate bedrooms. The hehAs
of the beds were placed against a thin
partition, which having an open door
permitted the two olafpeu,is az cmwa5e
though not able 10 see each oth9. The
night before the husband dici( his wife
beard him, groaning. and -EAsr yeyy-,nx-
ious to be, with him, but was Unable 10
arise. Soon abe was informed that he
was dying. and in order to bc neaf nm
the beds were moved so rs To bring them
parallel with The partition, Jthy, hssJp So
posite the door. This done the fond wffc
reached out her hand. graspea. her .hus-
band BY The hand epd he)d y, d,lxjp0, his
last momentsl tThqs dssSh found fiem.
ceremony left them, Joined. hand In
hand. 1t was . simple and aiicctionste
token Of the love Of a long Efc, md the
day following the wife, tooo folded her
arms in the sleep Of death. - sbstoosa
Herald. sa-r,.,,'t !. -
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13
An Appeal to tho People,

To the charitably disposed people Of the
United States: The recent cyclones which
passed over the western portion of the State
of Missouri have brought death and ruin to
hundreds Of families, laid waste many thriv-
ing towns and villages, and scattered to the
winds the houses, stock and implements Of
hundreds of farmers. Recon: sdvices re :
ceived by this committee show that destruc.
ton to be more fearful than pen can picture
Prof. Francis E. Nipher, Professor of Phys.
les in Washington University, and C. Shaler
Smith, civil engineer, who have just returned
from an exploring tour, which covered the
entire line of the two tornadoes, in their
report to this committee say that 'half
has not been told" The James
River storm began about thirty-five miles
west of Springfield, Mo-, and gradually
increased in size and power until it had
attained a width of 800 feet. For total
distance of forty six miles it had cut an
unbroken swath of 1 800 to 1000 feet wide.
Men, women and children are killed or Grip
pied; houses, cattle, sheep and hogs are in
a similar condition; houses, fences and out
houses not only leveled but blown away;
plows, wagons, reapers and other farming
utensils reduced to scrap iron and kindling
wood, and in many cases fields with growing
mud or sand that much additional labor will
be required to save what has been planted;
no houses OF barns left standing and farmers
entirely without horses or implements with
which to carry on the farm. g -. ~ y. 't
Similar reports come from other sources,
and the demands upon the people are very
urgent. st. Louis is doing all in her power
for the relief of these unfortunate districts,
but the call is great and can not be supplied
in an adequate manner by the citizens Of this
State. This committee, in behalf of the suf-
ferers, appeal to the people Of this country
to come forward and assist in relieving the
great distress of the Southwest. The APP
peal from the feyer-stricken cities of the
South during the last two summers are not
more urgent than this. This committee
will furnish Information to any parties hav-
ing funds to forward to the points needing
assistance, and will receive and disburse any
money or supplies sent here for this pur.
pose.
E. o. STANARD,
',e-' i~sf r=-a sef er ALEX. III. SMITH,
= ..-.. d. p. ROWLAND,
'.ta'Aj err ""4 SAML. CUPPLEs,
81 gg3a BIB! ga MARTIN CoLILNs,I 2
Merchants, Exchange Relief Committee.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

AT. Cabinet meeting held on the
9oth, the threatened invasion Of the Ute In
dian reservation for mining purposes was
the subject Of a somewhat protracted dis
cussion. It was decided to send Gen. Nc
Kenzie and his forces into the reservation to
prevent collision between the whites and In
dianS
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

PosTMAsrER-GENERA KEY. has been
rendered and has accepted the United States
Judgeship for the Eastern and Middle Dis
trict Of Tennessee, made vacant by the death
of Judge Trigy f.fs tel aesef.s;i S.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

The California Republican State Con-
vention instructed for Blaine and adopted
the unit rule.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

THE Pennsylvania Democratic State
Convention, which met on the 2Sth, har-
monized the conflicting elements in that
State aud chose an uninstructed delegation
to Cincinnati. The delegates are said to
stand twenty each for Tflden and Hancock
and eighteen for Bayard. The unit rule was
rejected by vote Of 125 to 1872. Tilden's
friends claim stronger showing than is here
given them.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

A MrLL1oNA1REWan italian senator
residing at Manteleone, was on his way
to PMzo recently, when 5he unwittingiy
dropped from This carriage q packet of
notes of the value of 80, 900 francs A
poor peasant who noticed the accident
picked up the parcel, and running after
the carriage gave up the missing prop
erty to Cr9sus, who rewarded him with
a gracious smile and continued his
journey. .n@f.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

"A WESTERN man who was recently
invited to q seat ON the floor of the
House at Washington. Indignantly re-
fused, saying that he was accustomed TO-
sit on chairs at home.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

The Connecticut Democratic State
Convention elected an unpledged delegation
to the Cincinnati Convention. The Tilden
men claim ten Of the twelve delegates.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

SIX ocean steamers arrived at New
York on the 30th, bringing 1856 emigrants
from all parts of Europe. Total arrivals for
April, 46, ITO, the largest number ever
landed at Castle Garden in any one month.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

KEMBLE and companions, the con-
victed Pennsylvania bribers, have been par
doned by the Governor, upon recommen-
dation of the Board of Pardons, so far as
their Imprisonment is concerned. They paid
their fines and have been discharged from
custody. r.....a So
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

The following are the appointments
to the new British Cabinet: Duke Of Argyle,
Lord President of the Council; Sir William
G. Vernon Harcourt, Secretary OF State for
the Home Department.; Earl Of Kimberley,
Secretary Of State for the Colonial Depart
ment; John Bright, Chancellor OF the
Duchy of Lancaster; j. Stansfield, Presi-
dent Of the Local Government Board; Earl
Granville, Secretary Of State for the Foreign
Department; Marquis Of Harrington, Sec
rotary of State for India; H. C. Z. Childers,
Secretary of State for War; Lord
Selborne, Lord High Chancellor;
William E. Forster, Chief Secretary for Ire
land; Lord Northbrooke, First Lord of the
Admiralty. The. following appointments
outside the Cabinet are also announced:
Sir Henry James, Attorney General; Henry
Faweett, Postmaster General; Anthony u :.
NundeAa, Vice President of Council; Grant
Duff, Under Secretary for the Colonial De-
partmept; Lord f. Cavendish, Secretary of
the Treasury; DR.. Lyon Playfair, Chairman
of the Committee onWays- and Means; Mr..
j. McLaren, Eord aAdsocate.ofS Scotland; Mr..
Bslfo,tr, Solicitor General Of Scotland.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

THE Indiana State Greenback Con-
vention, held on the 10Th, elected delegates
to the National Convention and also
nominated full State ticket, headed
as follows: Richard Gregg for Cover
nor; Thomas DeBrule, Lieutenant Cover
nor; J. B. Yeagley, Secretary Of State !;
George W. Demarre, Auditor; John F.
Ulery, Treasurer; John L. Miller, Attorney
General
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

REPRESENTATIVE THoMAs,of Illinois
has fntroduced-a bill to amend the interna
revenue laws so p to impose tax upon
every package Of oleomargarine or imitation
Of butter equal to ten cents for every pound,
to be paid by afdxing special stamps to each
package, under penalty Of 100 per cent.
additional tax and fine not exceeding 81,
600 for evasion or non compliance with the
law imposing the tax. .. e1.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

THE South Carolina Republican State
Convention, held on. the 9th, was COM
posed of one hundred and twenty delegates,
eighty of whom were colored. The dele
gates chosen to the National Convention
were instructed to vote as q unit for Gen.
Grant.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

THE Arkansas Republican State Con.
vention was held on the 2Sth. There was a
spirited struggle over resolution intro
duced to call future Convention for the
choice of Presidential Electors, but it was
finally voted down and Electors chosen. The
delegation to Chicago is instructed TO- vote
unanimously for Gen. Grant.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

Ideas are pidless.-xamartine.,.,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-13

The Ohio Republican State Conven-
ton, held at Columbus on the 2Sth, adopted
resolutions highly eulogizing Secretary Sher-
man and recommending him as the Repub-
lican candidate for President. OF go votes
in the Convention 461 were for Sherman
with the minority strongly for Blaine. The
delegates to Chicago are said to stand thirty
two for Sherman and eight for Blaine, al
though the Sherman men claim that he will
get the solid vote Of the State in the National
Convention
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
Rare Elephants.

There are noY on exhibition in New
York two peculiar elephants brought from
the mountains of the Malay peninsula,
about 800 miles from Singapore. They are
remarkable for their small size, beng re.
spectively twenLy- eight and thirty six inches
tall; and being covered with thick coat of
bristly hair or wool. They are supposed
to be from five to seven years old. In size
they resemble the extinct elephants of
Malta, and IN covering, those Of Siberia.
Their woolly coat Is attributed to tho cir
cumstance that they live high upon the
mountains where the climate Is cold. The
species appears to be all but unknown to
naturalists, this pair being the first that
have survived the passage through the
heated low country to the coast and the
subsequent Journey by sea. The sailors on
the steamer which brought them named
them Prince and Sidney. They are de-
scribed as playful and harmless, and they
keep their little trunks stretched out to
strangers to be petted. They love to be
scratched On tho under side Of the trunk
close to the mouth, and they hold their
trunks curled back over their heads as long
as any one scratches them. Like elephants
OF larger growth, they keep up swayinp
motion, either sidewise or forward and
backward. When visitor lets one OF the
lite follows take his hand he deiicately
| curls his proboscis around 1t and carries Il
gently to his mouth. Then he trumpets
his satisfaction. g.. .,U...
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
The Temple OF Marriage.

A slice Of bride.cake under my pillow
gave occasion to the following dream: A
spacious building was crowded with O va
riety Of persons; and upon inquiry l was
told 1t was ''the temple of MARRIAGE" and
that every one, who had an inclination to
sacrifice to that deity, was invited to ap-
prOach q large altar, which was covered
with great number of cakes Of various
shapes and sizes. Some were nodded into
the form of hearts; others into true-lover's
knots; some were stuck about with sweet
| meats; some were stamped with coronets,
| or embellished with glitteriug toys. All
| were allowed to choose for themselves, and
Plutus and Cupid were buslly employed in
the distribution,
A young couple advanced and, applying
to Cupid. desired him to reach the double
heart pierced through with darts but just
as they were going to share 1t Grabbed old
fellow broke the cake and obliged the girl
to take the figure of fine gentleman in
gilt gingerbread.
An old fellow Of sixty came towards the
altar and petltioned Cupid for cake of the
most elegant form and sweetest ingredients
The little god at first repulsed him, but aftor
wards sold it to him for large sum of
money. An ancient lady came tottering
| W Cllo nl1ht sulN}ofteu Wy dyounR lellOW IN
a red coat with stale cake, marked with
the word Jointure, In golden capitals.
A rich, rusty bachelor then came bust
ling through the crowd, accompanied by a
red-cheeked country girl of nineteen. They
reached for the cakes marked Riches and
Beauty.
There now advanced maiden lady who
seized by the hand young ensign Of the
guards and carried him the to altar. She
seized cake and dividcdit with her gallant,
but too late discovered that her half was
signed "Folly" and his share was marked
Aversion.
A little pert miss ran briskly up to Cupid,
cake she must and would have. She had
just stretched out her hand to receive one
whom:her mamma interposed, sent the child
blubboring to school and carried the cake
off herself.
A woman, fantastically dressed ther
buret into the temple. Size could get ne
favor Of either Plutus or Cupid furioul
with rage she seized upon the nearest vic
tim, which happened to be myself. Th,
The least crumb was disagreeable ant
awaked me, with the nauseous taste still
In my mouth,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
An InextlnRuishable Fire.

Accounts have been published from time
to time of the fire in the Keely Run Col
liery, near Shenandoah, Pa. No ono
knows how 1t originated, but the general
impression seems to be that 1t was caused
by spontane GUS combustion. How to OK
tinguish 1t Ia problem difficult to solve,
owing to the mines being igher than conf
municatlng colleries, thereby making 1t
impossible to drown 1t out. A Pittsburg
firm, Messrs. Campbell s. Connolly, offered
to smother the flames for about $26,
They proposed TO do the work with car
bollc acid gas and nitrogen. Miners and
superntendents advised the colliery own
ers to have nothing to do with 20 wild q
scheme. The necessity Of doing some.
thing, and the confident assurances Of tho
Pittsburg firm, who offered to forfeit $50
day for all the time that the FIRE should
burn after thirty days from the date Of
their contract, caused the mine owners to
accept the proposition. The gas men built
= large furnace end began operations. So
| far they have had no success. The part of
the mine reached by the fire has been
closed up. 1t Is estimated that the space
enclosed will hold 1000, 900 cubic feet OF
gas. The Plttsburg firm declare that near.
ly half that quantity Is forced into 1t every
twenty-fo hours, but 1t has had no effec,
upon the fire. The firm he's already
forfeited nearly SIC, 900 by the dolay, and
do not seem to know what now to do.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
"Our Oravat.'

Rev. DR.. Wilson. in speaking of himself,
In the pulpit, he always used the plural.
His use OF 1t on one occasion, was almost
ludicrous. There was no air, and the doc
tor seemed scarcely able to get his breath.
AT intervals, he would twitch, with nerv-
GUS excitement, at the huge white cravat
with which 1t was the fashion at that time
to encase the throat, but in vain; he could
get no rslief, At length he stopped at the
end OF sentence, andln his qaiet, low.
toned: manner said: "The congregation
will please excuse US for few minutes
Our wife has tied our crdvat too tigh.
this morning" 30 saying, he dc.
scended from his seat, and with auie,
composure which seemed almost to divest
the transaction Of its manifest incogrui
ty, withdrew to alittle room adjoining where
he had the troublesome article adjusted Il
hls satisfaction,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
-Flfteen factories in this country
turn out 500 tons Of glucose daily.

Fifteen factories in this oountry
turn out 800 tons Of glucose daily.
Paris has "a theatres and 100 con-
cert saloons.
work has been begun On New
York's 81 ,000, 900 hotel.
The timber Of Clear field CO, Pa. , is
nearly exhausted.
The ounce crop OF the state is the
largest grown for years. ,.
The pennsylvanla railroad employs
l4,7O3 persons.
The actual dioceYe of London con-
tains 2,60O, eco Vi people.
The sugar crop of Cuba will be 40
per cent. less than last year.
Snow tell at Mt. Washington, VT,
On the morning Of September 2Sd.
"A horse shoe manufacturer Ia max
Ing a horse shoe Of iron and hemp.
There are 400 miles OF oyster beds
on the gulf coast Of the Nlssissippi.
Virginia has raised ], ,5to, 900 bush sls
Of peanuts this year and Tenn essae
Sc, 900. :
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-12-02
LOVE AT HOME.

There is beauty Ill around,
When there's love at home
There is Joy in every sound,
When there's love at homo.
Peace and plenty here abide,
Smiling sweet on every side.
Time doth softly, sweetly glide.
When there's love at homo.
In the cottage there Is Joy,
When there's love at home
Hate and envy ne'er annoy,
When there's love at home.
Roses blossom meath our feet,
All the earth's q garden sweet
Making life BLISS complete,
When there's love at home.
Kindly heaven smilos above,
When there's love at homo
All the earth Is filed with love,
When there's love at home.
Sweeter sings tho brooklet by.
Brighter beams the azure sky
oh. thore's One who smiles on high
When there's love at home.