Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1880-06-01
from the Lexington Gazette. ]
Intercepted Letters.
To Mr.. JOSIAH SIMPKINS, of Rio.
p0foh@~ ,l-

To Mr.. JOSIAH SIMPK1Ns, Of Rich
Patch. 80
Dear Josidh.-It's been a long time
sense I writ. When man grows old
he gifts slower and slower, and the rest
of things seems to git faster and faster
till his old mortal hulk strands up in the
sands of time, and the tide still flows on
forever and ever. AS a man grows older
every thing except himself seems to run
faster, I say, but its adelusion. It's like
ridin' in the cars. If you wake up and
look out of the car window of an expires
train of a 1noonshine night, you d think
all the world was iceland toe in it in a
weird dance round you. The trees and
rocks and houses and fields look jist like
they was tbalancin' to your partners"
to one. another to Fishers Hornpipe
played by Electricity, while all the time
they are list standin' still, and it's you
that's movin'. AS man grows older
the reel runs swifter and the thread I'M
winds faster. That's all. The steam
escapes more rapidly as the machine be-
gins to slow up.
think of these things every time I
write to you. Events fly SO swift I've
given up tryin' TO keep up with them
All. old things ('cept few remnants
like you and me) have passed away
Religion, morals, and politics is gittin'
mighty mixed as torment our old-fash'
toned notions. Politics is, think, takin'
the lead in that direction of anything
ever heard of. You know we elected
another Readjuster Legislature last fall
That's two of that kind. Well, they
both served their time and have passed
away and amt heerd of the State debt
bein' readjusted any, nor any body's
taxes bein' readjusted 'cept it's some
very special people.
We are gittin' ready for another cleo
ton. We've saved over the debt ques-
ton and the bloated bondholders and
the Fundin, bills and the coupons, to
set before the dear people again. It's a
good bill of fare, and we intend to run
it as long us there is a bone or gristle
of it to make hash with. The people
like it. They like to be humbugged.-
Give them dose of it garnished with
flattering promises of relief, and they'll
vote early and often for q readjustment
that will never come.
We've some trouble now about our
Radical brethren. You know we Read
justers has been for the last few times q
swallerin' the RAIDS. Now the blasted
fools has got tired of that operation and
want to swal!er US awhile. The trouble
is we can't git along without them and
they can't carry the State without us =
The question is the offices. It's the old
story of about ten aspirants to one Office.
We've got the State offices, and we want
the Federal offices too, you see. Well,
we can't do that without we permit our
selves to be absorbed CHATS the perlite
word for bein' swallered) by the RAIDS,
g 81 - 1Ak in,
other words if we git into the whales
belly we can't git out agin, and if they
should git sick at the stomach and
throw us up like Jonah's did, why, we
would never git the flshy smell off us as
long as we lived. We have either to
run that chance or go in and be part of
the animal and stay there.
BY the way, we had Billy Malone,
the great Mogul of readjustment, up to
give us send of. There are people in
this world to whom, like things, dis
lance lends enchantment to the view.
am sorter half sorry Billy come. When
you pay your money to see whale you
don't like to be put off with bein' show
ed minner, so you don't. 1 thot he
carried the State of Virginny in his
britches pockets and looked to see him
stickin' out wuss nor blasted bloated
bondholder, but.as well as could see
he didn't have the State of Virginny
nor Learned little of anything else in his
britches. Corporeally, he Amt inposin'.
He was disappointment We are all a
leetle like the boy in the Sunday School
book. His teacher had been instructin'
him about who was the most meekest
man, and who was troubled with biles,
and who went through the lions den,
and the old Teller thai eat grass like a
boss, and what swallered, &c. till he
thought he had him established on a
right pious foundation, and to cap the
climax, seq he,-''Now, Johnny, when
you dis and go to the other world, who
would you like to see first p! ~.
"Gerliah !" answered John.
well, they iepgtne Court House bell,
and We 49, Ia 4 down and crowded in to
see the show. We all goth and after
few preiiminaries there was a rustic in
the crowd and something worked its
way through to the stand. 1t was the
Gineral himself. Were you ever at the
tablow? These kind of theatricals they