The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-08-07
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Groan persons-lnvallds.
A fast man-Dr Tanner.
The best senses taker-Ether.
The empty gun never kicks.
Noah was an ark angel.-Boston Post.
On tramp-rags.-B Boston Transcript.
An inn.voice-That of the hotel porter.
Are not brewers sons of malt-eh ?-Quincy
MOdejT IrgO.
The man who hanged himself died of his own
free will and cord.
DR.. Tanner may go 40 days without food, but
where's the man who is going 40 days without a
drink?
Spots on the son are sometimes frecklcs and
sometimes photographs Of n mothers loving but
weighty hand.
Mr.. schurz never mentioned Arthur.s name in
his $500 speech at indianapolis. The least he
can do is to knock Off $50 for the omission
A young lady, who has studied all the solo
gies" at Vassar, wants to know II the crack OF II
rifle is where tn, ut the powder in.
A bad little p delphia boy made his moth
er's hair rise th ther day. He stole her switch
for kite bobs- IL. Chronicle.HerdM.
There is spasmodc newspaper published IN
Maine which has got TO be tri-weekly. II comes
out one week and tries to come out the next.
A glass blower has recently died at the age of
40 years. His great age is another proof OF the
blew.g ASS theory.
An insectologcr has discovered that the best
time to examine the wonderful architecture of Il
hornets nest is after the hornets have moved out.
steam bicycle has been invented This will
fill long felt want. A steam bicycle may ex-
plode and Kill its rider.-Norrjsto,rn HeraM
Boston theatrical company recently played q
scene laid In a church so naturally that TO many
of the audience it seemed SO real that they went
to sleep.
He was from the mountain side, and was buy
ing his first glass Of soda. ~ wish you'd skim
Oft that scum, boss | amt paying for no froth,
you bet."-Norictch Star.
The feelings Of a small boy can be better i'm.
agined than described after the said small boy
has spent half an hour crawling under a gospel.
tent TO find that it is not circus.
General Phil Sheridan says ''therc is no officer
in the American army who can beat Hancock
mixing whisky cocktail" And yet we are told
that he is not a statesman-N0rris Herald.
The Chicago Times is just mean enough to re-
mark that the late lamented Cakes Ames did
not enjoy the acquaintance Of Gen. Hancock"
"What did the Puritans come to this country
forF asked Massachusetts, teacher OF his class.
10 worship in their own way and make other
people do the same" was the reply.
While Leadville lawyer was in the act Of
q A ia a Who =,
ness stand, last week, she exclaimed, "Pm
lady, and by thunder, don't you forget it,"
Mr.. Arthur Coble, Of Chicago is evidently
GARFIELD stalwart for yesterday when he regis. |
tered at the St Nicholas be wrote after his nam,
"a Garfield ."-Joliet Rtpubiican Being good |
looking, he had TO do 1t not to be mistaken for a
Hancock man.
An impecuniSas fortune-hunter having been
accepted by an heiress, at the wedding, when |
that portion Of the ceremony was reached where
the bridegroom says, with sll say worldly goods |
] thee endow," spteful relative Of the bride er.
claimed, There goes his rallsel''
The Buffalo Co4rier has this heading over AN
article: From Buffalo 10 Heaven; sufferings \
and Death Of Jacob Terwillige.: the Kick nj n |
Yiule and Its Final Result" That set,,.s 81 !,
The mule that can kick O man from Buffalo 10
heaven is the champion long -distance kieker-l
BostoH Post
Weaver, when down In Alabama making |
speeches, wrote TO the Republican committee ia |
Washington, who paid him, that he was "just
tearing he'll loose In that state" An increase Of
the democratic majority there on Monday tol
5000 indicates that when Weaver left he took
hell" with him.