The Democratic advocate., 1880-02-28
Our 0lio.
FAMILIARITY.


OF all the sources of bad manners, we
know Of none so prolific and pernicious as
the license Of familiarity. There is no one
among our readers, we presume, who has
not known village or a neighborhood in
which all the people called ono another by
their first or Christian names. The "Jim,
or Charley" or "MolIie," or Fanny of
the young days Of school-lifc, remain the
same until they totter into the grave from
old age. Now there may be a certain
amount Of good-fellowship and homely
friendliness in this kind Of familiar ad-
dress, but there is not a particle OF polite
ness in it. II is all very well, within
family or circle of relatives, but when it
is carried outside, it is intolerable. The
courtesies Of life are carried on at arms
length, and not in familiar embrace.
Every gentleman has right to the title,
at least, Of "Mister," and every lady to
that of miss" or Mistress" even when
the Christian name is used. For an or
dinary friend to address a married woman
as "Dolly" or "Mary," is to take with her
an objectionable liberty. 1t is neither
courteous nor honorable; in other words,
it is most unmannerly. We have known
remarkable men, living for years under
the blight Of their familiarly used first
nnmes,-men whose fortunes would have
been made, or greatly mended, by remov-
ing to some place where they could have
been addressed with the courtesy due TO
their worth, aud been rid forever Of the
cheopening processes Of familiarity. How
eau a man lift his head under the degra.
dation Of being called "Sam' by every
man, young and old, whom he may meet
in the street, How can strong character
be carried when the man who bears il must
bow decently to the name Of "Billy2"
This is not matter that we have taken
up to sport with. We approach it and
regard it with all seriousness, for this
feeling and exhibition of familiarity lie at
the basis Of the worst manners Of the
American people. We are not asking,
specially, for reverence for age or high po-
sition, but for manhood and womanhood.
The man and woman who have arrived at
their majority have right to courteous
form of address, and be who withholds It
from them, or, presuming upon the inti-
macies Of boyhood, continues to speak 10
them as still boy and girl, is boor, and
practically foe to good manners. We
suppose the Friends would object to this
statement, but we do not intend to en-
brace them in this condemnation. They
look at this matter from different stand
point, and base their practice upon Ger
tain considerations which have no recoc.
milton in the world around them. We
think they are mistaken, but their courte.
Gus way Of speaking the whole Of the first
name is very different from the familiar
use Of names aud nickuam of which we
complain. There is no use in denying that
the free and general use of first names,
among men and women, in towns and
neighborhoods, is to the last degree vulgar.
Gentlemen aud ladies do not do it. il is
not habit of polite society, anywhere.
There is picture we have often con-
iemplated, which would impress different
men in different ways, of family now
living in this city,--a picture which
is, to us, very beautiful and very sugges.
tive. A gentleman Of the ola school,
somewhat reduced in circumstances. per-
sists in living, so far as his manners are
concerned, "like king" Every night he
and his sons, before dining, put themselves
into evening dress. When dinner is an.
nOuuced, the old gentleman gives his arm
10 his venerable wife and leads her to the
table. The other members Of the family
preserve the same manners that they would
practice If they were dining out, or if
friends were dining with them. At the
close Of the meal, the old man and his sons
rise, while the mother and daughters with.
draw, and then they sit down over their
cups, aud have a pleasant chat Now the
average American will probably laugh at
this picture, as one of foolish and painful
tormality, but there is very good side to
il. Here is family which insists on
considering itself made up Of ladies and
gentlemen, among whom daily association
Is no license for familiarity, or the laying
aside Of good and constantly respectful
manners toward one another. There Is
undoubtedly great deal of bad manners
in families, growing out Of the license en-.
gendercd by familiarity-bad manners
between husband and wife, and between
parents and children. Parents are much
to blame for permitting familiarity to 60
so far that they do not uniformly receive.
in courteous forms, the respect due to
them from their children as gentlemen
aud ladies'.
OF the degrading familiarity assumed
by conscious interiors, il is hardly neces.
sary to speak Nothing cures such a thing
as this but the snub direct, in the most
pointed aud hearty form in which il eau
be rendered.
The man that balls you Tom or Jack"
Ana proves BY thunps upon your back
How he e4fccms your merit
y such friend that one had need
be very much his friend indeed
To pardon or 70 bear H.
Men do pardon and bear this sort Of
thing altogether too much for their own