The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1880-04-15
Humorous.
How a marlrod Woman Goes to Sleep.

Pitssburs Lcu'eE.
| There is an article going the rounds
/ entitled GLOW Girls Go to Sleep
The manner in which they go to sleep,
according TO the article, can't hold u
light to the way q married woman
goes to sleep. Instead of thinking of
what she should have attended to be-
fore going to bed, she thinks of it af-
! terward, While she is revolving these
matters in her mind, and while snug
| ly tucked up in bed, the old man is
scratching his legs in front of the fire
and wondering how he will pay the
next months rent. Suddenly she
says:
"James, did you lock the door2"
(which door?" says James.
''The cellar door, says she.
i'No," says James.
"Well, you'd better 60 down and
lock it, for I heard some person in the
backyard last night"
Accordingly, James paddles down
! stairs and locks the door. About the
time James returns and is going to get
into bed she remarks:
''Did you shut the stair door?"
"No," says James.
"Well, if it is not shut the cat will
get up into the bed ROOM"
let her come up then, says James
ill-naturedly.
"My goodness, moi" returns his
wife; she'd suck the baby's breath I"
Then James paddles down stairs
again and steps on tack, and closes
the stair-door, and curses the cat, and
returns to the bedroom. just as he
begins to climb into his couch his wife
observes:
Il forgot to bring up some water.
Suppose you bring some in the big
TIM.
And 80 James, with a muttered
curse, goes down into the dark kitchen
and falls over chair, and rasps all the
tinware off the wall in search of the
"big" tin, and then he jerks the stair
door open and hOwls:
"Where the deuce are the matches ?"
She gives him minute directions
where to find the matches, and adds
that she would rather go and get the
water herself than have the neighbOr-
hood raised about it. After which
James finds the matches, procures the
water, comes up stairs and plunges in
bed. Presently his wife says:
"James, let's have an understanding
about money matters. Now, next
week I've got to pay
81 don't know what you've got TO
pay, and don't care, shouts James
as he lurehes around and jams his
face against the wall call want is to
go to sleep
''That's all very well for you, snaps
his wife as she pulls the cover vicious
"; ''you never think of the worry
and trouble l have. And there's Ara
minta, who believe is taking the meas
les"
"Let her take 'em," says James,
sticking his legs out as straight as two
ramrods.
cit seems to me you have no sense
nor feeling" whines his wife, land if
you had any respect for me you would
not eat onions before you come TO bed.
The atmosphere of the room from the
smell of onions is horrid.
"Well, go down and sleep in the
kitchen, then, and let me alone"
Hereupon she begins to cry softly,
but about the time James Is falling
into a gentle doze she punches him in
the ribs with her elbow, and says:
''Did you hear that scandal about
Mrs. Jones ?"
"What Jones7' says James sleepily-
"Why, Mrs. Jones"
"Where 2" inquiries James.
81 declare" says his wife, "you are
getting more stupid every day. You
know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. "a.
Well, day before yesterday, Susan
Smith told Mrs. Thompson that Sam
Baker had said that Mrs. Jones
had
Here she pauses and listens. James
is snoring in profound slumber. With
a snort of rage she pulls all the covers
off him, wraps herself up in them and
laws awake until 2 a. m, thinking how
badly abused she is. And that is the
way q married woman goes to sleep.