Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-01-17
THE BRAKEMAN At CHURCH.
what He Thought of the DcnOmina-
tiOns.

what He Thought Of the DenOmina-
lions.
TEE BRANCH LIMITED EXPRESS, BROAD AND
MARROW GAUGES, SCRUB AND P0PU-
LAR, NICE AND RIVER
ROADS
burlington Hawkeye.l
On the road once more with Lebanon fading
away in the distance, the fat passenger drum
ming idly on the window pane, the cross pas
senger sound asleep and the tall, thin paS5en-
ger reading General Grants Tour Around the
World" and wondering why Green's August
Flower" should be printed above the doors or
"a Buddhist Temple at BenareS." To me comes
the brakeman, and seating himself on the arm
Of the seat, says:
81 went to church yesterday"
'fYes?" said, with that Interested infection
that asks for more. "And what church did you
attend?"
(Which do you guess?- he asked.
'Some union mission church." haZarded.
"Naw," he said, ~ don't like to run on these
branch roads very much. don't often go to
church. and when do, want to run on the
main line, where your run is regular and you
60 on schedule time aud don't have to wait on
connections. don't like to run on a branch.
Good enough, but don't like IT.
"EpiScopal?n guessed.
and two dollars extra for seat. fast time and
Only stop at the big stations Nice line, but too
exhaustive for brakeman All train men In
uniform. conductors punch and lantern silver
plated, and no train boys allowed. Then the
passengers are allowed to talk back at the con-
ductor, audit makes them too free and easy.
NO, couldn't stand the palace cars. Rich rOl I'D,
though Don't often hear of receiver being
appointed for that line. Some mighty nice PEG
pie travel on it. too"
''Uniyersalist?" suggested
Broad gauge" said the brakeman; "does too
much complimentary business. Everybody
travels on pass Conductor doesn't get a fare
once In fifty miles. Stops at all flag stations
and won't run into anything but a union de- pot.
No smoking car on the train. Train orders are
rather vague though, and the train men don't
roll n hn TNnc n RI r1-t
go to the Universalist, though know some
presbyterian" asked.
''pretty track, straight as rule; tunnel right
through mountain rather than go around it;
spir1t-leyel grade; passengers have to show
Mighty strict road, but the cars are little mar
row; have TO sit one In seat, and no room in
the aisle to dance. Then there is no stop-over
tickets allowed; got to go straight through to
the station you're ticheted for or you can't get
on at ALL When the cars full no extra coaches;
cars built at the shops to hold just so many and
nobody else allowed on. But YOU don't often
hear of an accident on that road. It's run right
up to the rules"
.'Maybe you joined the Free Thinkers 1
said.
SCRUB road" said the brakeman. sdirt road
bed and no ballast; no time card and no train
dispatcher All trains run wild, and every en-
g1neer makes his own time just as he pleaSeS.
Smoke If you want to- kind of a go-as- you-please
road. Too many side tracks, and every switch
wide open all the time, with the SWitchnan
sound asleep and the target-lamp dead out.
Get on as you please and get off when you want
TO. Don't have to show your tickets, and the
conductor isn't expected to do anything but
amuSe the passengers. No, sir; was offered
pass, but don't like the line. l don't like to
travel on road that has no terminus. Do you
know, sir, asked division superintendent
where that road run to and he said he hoped to
die II he knew. asked him If the general SUI
perintendent could tell me- and he said he didn't
believe they had general superintendent, and
tney nad, ne didn't know anything more about
the road than the passengers. asked him who
he reported to, and he said nobody l asked
conductor who he got his orders from. and he
said he didn't take orders from any living man
or dead ghost And when asked the engineer
who he got his orders from, he said he'd like to
see anybody give him orders; he'd run that
train TO suit himself, or he'd run it into the
ditch. Now you see, sir, Pm a railroad man,
and don't care to run on road that has no
time. makes no connections runs nowhere and
has no superintendent. 1t may be all right, but
I've railrOaded too long to understand it.'
Maybe you went to the Congregational
Popular road, said the brakeman; San old
road, too-one of the very oldest in this country.
Good rOad-bed and comfortable cars. Well
managed road, too; directors don't Interfere
with division superintendent and train orders
Roads mighty popular, but it's pretty indie
pendent, too. Yes, didn't one of the division
superintendent down east discontinue one of
the Oldest stations on this line two or three
years ago? But it's mighty pleasant road to
travel on. Always has such splendid class OF
passengers
"Did you try the Methodist said.
"Now you're shouting" he said with some
enthusiasm. Nice road eh?" Fast time and
plenty OF passengers. Engines carry power
Of steam, and don't you forget it; steam-gauys
shows hundred and enough all tue tim J,
Lively road: and when the conductor shout;
.all aboard you can hear him to the next sta
ton. Every train light shines like headlight.
Stop-oyer checks are given Oh all through tick
cts; passenger can drop off the train as often as
ne likes, do The station two OF three days and
hop on the next revival tram that comes thur
deriEg along. Good, WhOle-Souled companion
able conductors amt a road in the COUNTRY
where the passengers feel more at home. No
passes; every passenger pays full trafti; rats
Tor his ticket. WeSieyanhOuSe air brake on all
trains too; pretty safe road, but l dida't ride
over iG yesterday"
perhaps you tried the Baptist" I guessed
once more.
.Ah, ha.'' said the brakeman. .'she's daisy.
isn't she? River road; beautiful curves; sweep
around anything to keep close to the river but
it's all steel rail and rock ballast single track all
the way and not side track from the round
house to the terminus. Takes a heap OF water
TO run 1t through double tanks at every station,
and there isn't an engine in the shops that can
pull pound or run mile with less than two
gauges. But 1t runs through lovely country;
these river roads always do; river on oae side
and hills on the other, and its a steady climb
up the grade all the way Till the run ends where
the fOuntainhead OF the river begins Yes SIR
trip, sure connections and good time, and no
prairie dust blowing in at the windows. And
yesterday, when the conductor came around for
the tickets with little basket punch, didn't
ask him to pass me, but paid my fare like a
little man-twenty-fiVe cents for an hours run
and little concert by the passengers thrown
IN; l ten you, Pilgrim, you take the river road
when you want"
But just here the long whistle from the engine
announced a station, and the brakeman hurried
to the door, shouting:
, 'Zionsville. This train makes no stops be-
tween here and Indianapolis"