The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-07-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

PLAYED out-Croquet.
Cheap country seat-A stump.
Rahid trapsit--Career OF a mad dog
On the stump-A onc-lcgged soldier
The King Of ece-Oleomargarine.
Slight of hand-Rcfusing marriage proposal
The Chinese tire.crackcr must go-on inc aIh'
A funny farmer says hoc.up deferred makes
the potatoes sick.
Garfield thinks n man cannot be too careful OF
his reputaton Some day he may want to run
for president
Denis Kearney is reported as wearing an air OF
detection, besides the same shirt collar
lydia Thompson is not near sighted, but she
often appears in spcctacles-and that ID about
all that she does appear in.
He said he wanted her to be his helpmatc, and
she replied that she never could be more than an
assister to him
IL is said Miss Louise Pomroy has a new play
written fo- her by Miss Schih. Now she VIII play
the mis- f.-St Louis Times.
Their III be one thing that Gen. Garfield can
never, yer explain. We refer, OF course, to
the ell, ion of Hancock and English.
Meridian man has Il Bible l42 years old
Strange how loug Bible may be made 10 last by
temperate usage.-Bosfon Transcript.
1t Is little significant of anything but purism
in politics that the first man whom Garfield calls
10 his active and Is Simon Cameron.
Only truly great nations have agitators. En-
gland is stirred up by Bradaugh; France is
thrilled by Gambetta, and the United States by
Susan b, Anthony.
Thirteen at a table is always an unlucky mum
ber--when there is only enough for ten There
fore care should be taken when Inviting guests
never under such circumstances to invite tlir.
teen.
We once knew newspaper man who owned a
watch.-Ne'o Hmen Register. Dog fonkers Ga.
zette. Caseg-,SdieD, Sunbeam. Fob?
A New York Judge has decided that cemetery
cannot be mortgaged. 1t is comforting to know
there is one species Of property in this world that
can beat mortgage
When Jacob, near his death discovered that he
was without cent he cried: az have never
smoked during my life; where is all the money
have saved in cigarsY'
This is the last and best so far:
Not Mission Ridge, but Gettysburg,
Demands a nations cheer;
IT'S Hancock riding to the front,
And Garfield 10 the rear.
An exchange says that ton of gold is worth
only about half million dollars. We give this
FOR what it is worth; our time has been SO taken
up with politics, and somebody has hidden away
the scaes.-BJsto. Transcript.
RING THE BELLE.
IN tell YOU u story that's not In Tom Moore:
Young love likes to knock at pretty girls door
SO he called upon Lucy-'twas Just 10 o'clock
Like a spruce single man, with a smart double
knock
Now q handmade, whatever her fingers be at
VIII run like puss when she hears rdt-tat;
So Lucy ran up and in two seconds more
Had questioned the stranger aud answered the
door.
For the moment will come when such conner:
So she kissed him and whispered-poor limo
cent thing
"The next time you come, love, pray csme with
ring'' Hood
Mrs. lockwood, the lawyerl like lady Of Wash.
ington, says she has been married twice and has
never asked her husbands for dollar OF money
woman with such marvellous attributes nigh,
as well have been married ffty times as twice.
lYeso Harm Register.
The Hancock and English club OF Millers
town, Butler county, Pa, raised hickory poll
lbs feet high, one foot for every republican thai
Joined the club, and the fret pole raised in tn,
United States 10 this campaign. The meeting
was very enthusiastic.
81 just come In 10 ask scea: