New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-06-16
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

IL. Iv.asAGIENv s. LlJlN.f
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
ADEAR little thing-the diamond.
RETIRED from the "serYice'' - a
broken teacup, 4.
IT is estimated that in this country
only one person in five hundred owns q
horse. Are we q neighshunp- Chicago
Times. 5, s5;! 3. ..'>.S
II HAVE q theory about the dead
languages" said new student. "What
Is itp'' asked the professor. s'That
they are killed by being studied too
hard"
A NEGRO boy In Memphis, when ask
Ing for ration the other day, told the
following story: ELSE got q brudder,
and he's got free ribs broke an de
spine and his leg, and less he gifts
something to eat he's bound to die.''
He got it.
STERN PARENT Now, Tommy, you
haven't looked at this! # you make one
more mistake I shall whip your Tommy
-" I thought you never whipped us for
accidents, mammal" S. P.--tWell,
sir?" Tommy-"Weu, make mis-
takes by aocidentl''
THE man with a headache has a faint
recollection that she asked him to call
again-next New Years Day. He
should have commenced sending his
card In as soon as he became unfit to
compliment the ladies with his actual
presence.-M o. Hcayuse.
"WHY did George Washington cross
the Delaware on the ice during the
storm Of an awful nightp'' asked a
teacher of her young class in history.
81 reckon" piped small voice in an
swer, lit was because he wanted to
get on the other SIDE" Worcester Ga
zette. .-....... T.. = =. ~-s@t.
NEVER give away penny indiscrimi-
nately, says facetious exchange. If q
beggar tells you he Is starving, order
him to come to you the next day. If
he makes his appearance It is q proof of
the falsehood of his statement. If it
had been true he would have died dur
ing the night. T. .-..'- ....
MARIA" observed MIR. Holcomb,
as he was putting on his clothes,
q there amt no patch on them brooches
yet. " II can't fix it now, no way, I'm
too busy" "Well, give me the patch
then, an III carry it around with me.
l don't want people to think can't af-
ford the CLOTH" 49, Is. u:a@
Mr.. CURTIS once asked Mr.. Greeley,
In response to similar question put to
him by the great editor: "How do
you know, Mr.. Greeley, when you have
succeeded in public addressP'' Mr..
Greeley, not averse to the preparation
of a joke at his own expense, replied,
"When more stay in than 60 out !!
"NO," EXCLAIMED Mr.. Penhecker,
"No, madam, object most decidedly.
Once and for all say 1.-THE girls shall
not be taught foreign languages"
''And why not, pray" said Mrs. p, with
whitening sarcasm. Because, said
Mr.. p, with more whitening sarcasm,
.'because, Mrs, P, one tongue is enough
for any womanp' Mrs. Penhecker ro-
sponded not.-Jstdy. ..,.. .... 49,.
OLD X lectures his nephew, a con-
tirmed gambler. "Then you never
played, did you, unclep' Eyes, once,
in 1847, at Baden. A gentleman whom
I didn't know proposed game of ecarte
at ten francs. was weak enough to
agree; he lost ten games" "Then you
must have won a hundred francs?''
eyes, won them, that is 80; but I
might have lost them, and I have never
touched card since; it was lesson"
French Paper. ~ -..,
Two OF those ornaments made of
plaster of Paris favored with sugar
were bestowed upon an urchin, with
the usual warning, "Don't cat them,
whatever you do; they will poison you."
For some time they were regarded by
him and his younger brother with min
gled awe and admiration; but at no
distant day their mother missed one.
"Tom,' said she to the owner, who
was just setting forth for school,
"what have zee done with that fgure?'
"Giv'd it to Dick" was the reply;
"and if he's living when I come home,
I mean to eat the other one, myself, I
can tell 'eel''
In the life of the late Charles Math-
ews, the comedian, an anecdote is told
illustrative of Lord Blessington's char
acter. A party had gone to explore
some ruins rising out of the sea.
Mathews describes how, as he was
leaping from stone to stone, Lord
Blessington called out more than once,
to my great surprise, Take care, take
care! For heavens sake mind what
you are about You'll be in, to a GER
taintyp After one or two repetitions
of his alarm Lady Blessington, losing
patience, exclaimed: "Do let the boy
alone, Blessington. If he does fall into
the water, what can it signifyp You
know he swims like fish Yes, yes,'
said his Lordship, that is all very
well; but shall catch my death driving
home with him in the carriage"
WILLIAM HOWARD, who committed
burglary in New York recently to save
his wife and child from starvation, has
been the recipient of much charity since
the facts were made public. A num-
Der of business men offered him en-
ployment, several physicians called
and rendered their services, and work
was offered Mrs. Howard as soon as
she is strong. Over forty ladies called,
and q number of persons sent letters
with money in them to Mrs. Howard.
A ton of coal was sent to the family,
provision baskets in numbers were de-
ivered at their rooms, and the Cotton
Exchange gave one hundred dollars.
Mr.. Theodore Moss gave bail for the
appearance of Mr.. Howard whenever
wanted on the charge Of stealing; but
it is hardly likely that he will be pros
ecuted. The proprietor of the shop he
robbed has sent the family five dollars
and q promise not to appear against the
husband. >
IA JAPANESE is reported to have de-
vised a mode of bringing electricity to
bear upon debilitated slk-worms with
excellent effect. .g2 -