New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-04-07
WHOLE NUMBER 119. !
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
The mother Of vinegar is 8 very
sharp old lady.
"A finished lie may be called an ac-
complished fact.
The blunders of one man form
the foundations of another mans sue
cess.
The old age Of . homely person is
never soured by thoughts Of lost
beauty.
Once roasted, the proud turkey
gobbler is satisfied with any sort 81
dressing.
Mosquitoes are tenants who pay no
attention to the landlords wishes when
served with notice to quit.
"A boys moustache PLAYED upon bv
the breeze IS like tree uproO ted by tho
gale, because it is blown down.
III the warm weather continues It
will make coal dealers sweat irving to
hold up their prices. NJ O. Rcayune.
There are many advocates Of COM
pulsory education; but few insist ON
compulsory health, wealth and other
blessings.
The Boston Post thinks that king
Alfonso possesses q charmed life. He
has been married twice and shot at
twice, and yet he lives.
More than one rough customer has
never known how good he was until he
killed somebody and heard the lawyer
in charge Of crimes and juries sum up
his virtues.
The worst case of 'stage fright is
that of the man who thinks he has
passed up q two-dollar- and-a-han gold
piece instead of a dime to the driver
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Pins for the toilet, of the ordinary
size and shape, are now made of silver
aud gold, that they may be more ex-
pehsive. :" It is a sin, to steal pin,"
OF the fashionable sort. hcayune.
The papers are altogether too
fresh with their stories of canine sa-
gacity. What we want are q few in
stances Of human sagacity. They would
DC so refreshing Boston Transcripts.
"A new continuance for holding cut
flowers is of frosted glass, and repre-
sents an open parasol suspended by
little chains in the window or from the
chandelier of the drawing room. Y.
Posi-.
There Is no hope for man who
goes TO bed sober and gets up drunk.
II nc simply gets up sober and goes to
bod drunk, he may run along for some
months before his funeral can take
place. Exchange.
=" john said a dotinQ parent to
her gormandizing son, edo you really
think that you can eat the whole of that
pudding with impunity?'' 81 don't
know, mar" replied the young hope
full. "but can with spcon.'
:, Jones. who was inveighing against
the shortcomings of Benson, the Gus
tom-housc inspector, was reproved by
BrOWnlOw with the charitable remark;
You shouldn't Judge Benson SO
place, nowM Rf yssri iest what w ms
have been trying to do the last six
months broke in Jones, unthinkingly
giving himself away.
AT small country town there
lately died a middle-aged man, leaving
a widow Of thirty-fye. At the funeral
the deacon of the village alluded to the
good qualities of the deceased, and
among others his generosity. He said
the deceased had lent him some money
once. Upon which the weeping widow
raised her head and inquired how much,
and whether he had paid it back or not.
"A country doctor, being out for a
days shooting, took his Grand bow to
carry the game-bag. Entering field
OF turnips, the dog pointed; and the
boy, overjoyed at the prospect of his
success, exclaimed: "Lor',
master, there's covey; if you get near
EN- won't you physic 'em?'' 3Physic
them, you young rascal! What do You
mean?" said the doctor. "Why, kin
EN-, to be sure," replied the lad.
-t'Alphonso,' said Christine Thought
fully. as she let down her back hair that
evening, sis this simply sporadic
case, or do you expect all your wives to
take naturally to being shot at? Be-
cause, dear, don't want to be disa-
greeable; but, you know, shall really
have to go back to mamma before I'm
quite perforated like cullender, If YOU
don't engage better style of assassin.
Why aren't you able to afford dynam-
tie explosion, like the Car? This is
not at all what l had been led to ex-
pect. Puck.
Tennessee gets SIC, 900 yearly from
The lease Of her convicts, one hundred
of whom work mines in the eastern
part OF the State, few are employed
On q cotton plantation in west Tennes-
see, and three hundred and fifteen run
The coal mines and coke ovens at Tracy
City. The bosses are fortunately 80
humane that many of the conyicts ro-
main with them as free laborers after
heir term has expired, but it is claimed
hat the system fails to bring the convicts
lnder reformatory Influences, and there
$ talk OF abolishing it after the present
ease expires four years hence.
The Rev. DR.. Collyer tells this story
II wedding in Yorkshire: AS the man
came out of church with his bride he
net an old companion, who said:
There, lad, l wish thee much Joy;
,hou'st got to tend of all thy troubie.''
y was very good to be assured of that,
'nu Snc bridegroom went on his way
'ejoicingg; but by-and-by he found he
lad got married without getting a wife.
Z was bad job; and SO, when he met
us old companion on the street ono
lay, he said: II Thought you told me
IS ! came out of Gruiseley Church that
ID gotten TO tend of all me trouble
4 did tell thee SO, said his friend,
quietly, "but / didn't tell thee which
md. -
General Toombs is wealthy, having
lways enjoyed q lucrative law practice,
md of late having made occasional
ales of Texas lands, 100, 900 acres Of
which he bought in the infancy OF the
4one Star Republic at fifteen cents
N acre. Now he sells it at from e8 to
80 an acre.
"A spider is glutton, as was evil
fenced by an experiment recently