The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-07-01

"And when 1 wake up with chill,
backache, bad'mouth and q dizzy
head, and faint away over tho break
last, the doctor he comes IN, tracks IN
my clean floor, scares my canary into
a fit, and COOS away saying. "You
DON'T exercise enough; maybe you'd
like to wash for our familyn / tell
you l believe them doctors Is all one
sided, and after this my old man has
got to put up with smelling at the
camphor bottle, while J drink the
slings!''
They were playing game they call
euchre. She held both bowers and tho
king, and two aces Of other suit, but
she was a novice at the game. a young
man who was teaching her looked at
her cards and warmly exclaimed,
"What a lovely hanup' She looked
him straight IN the eyes and murmured, :,
OIL may have it, if you want It."
All the rest Of the evening he wonder
ell If he WAS the victim Of q Leap year
proposal.
THE soft and silky appearance given
to the hair by the use of CarDolinc, the
natural hair restorcr and dressing, as
now improved and perfected, is the
subject Of general Icmark by all who
have witnessed its effects upon the
human head. Sold by all dealers in
drugs.
~ YANKEE came running down to a.
pier just as a steamer was starting.
The boat moved Off some four or five
yards, as he took jump, and coming
down on the back OF his head on deck,
he liy stunned for two or three min
ltes. When he came to, the boat had
gone the best part of a quarter of a
mile, and, raising his head and looking
to the shore, the Yankee said: "Great
Jehosaphat! what u jump"
a TEACHER was endeavoring to as
certain the extent Of her children s
owledge Of numbers. On the uues-
ton being asked, "Would you rather
have three paper bags with two oranges
In each or two paper bags with three or
0nges in eachp ?" all but ere title fellow
expressed themselves without prefer
ence. The teacher asked this pupil for
his decision, and he was persistan5 in
liking the three bags; his reason tCr
tins was, $50 could have more bags
to bust!''
hatno Nc"b.
Hop Bi ters, which are advertised in
our columns, are a sure cure for the
ague, biliousness and kidney COM
plants. Those who use them say they
cannot be too highly recommended.
Those afflicted should give them a fair
trial, and will become thereby cnthu-
Siastic In the praise of their curative
qualitics.-PoWland Argus.
A SOCIETY journal gave priz, tho
other day for piece Of poetry, to be
twenty lines in length, without the
letter "s' once occurring in 1t. The
Honorable Billy sat upall night with
his head In linsced-meal poulticc,
pegglng away like anything, and by
daylight he actually pulled 1t of, and
took the result round to Popsy for her
opluion. "You might improve itstilI,"
she said. "lIow?'' "By leaving out
all the other letters, zoo.
JOHNNY wanted to go to the c1rcns, =,
and his father said: "Johnny, pd
rather you'd go to school, and study,
and may be you'll be President some
day." Said Johnny: "Father, there's
about one million boys IN the United
States, isn't there2" eyes," "And
every ono of them stands chance Of
being Prcsident?" "Yes." "Wcll,
dad, pll sell out my chance fora circus
ticket.
a YOUNG man with an extremely
powerful voice was in doubt which
branch OF the art to adopt. H. went to
sing me few bars" said tic master.
fn1 ~
walls fairly shook. "Now," said,
he, "what do YOU think am best fitted
for?' "Aucti >neer," dryly replied
Cherubn.
'MAMMA,' said Henry Thomas,
bright little fellow living over in
Al9iers Mamma, have my toes eyes p
mo, my darling. Why do you ask
such foolish question ?" "Bccause
my foot's asleep"
AS one pound Of Dobins' Electric
Soap, (madc by Cragin & Co., Philadcl-
phia,) will do the work Of five pounds
of any other, it is really the cheapest,
though it costs little more per pound
Try 1t.
BRIDGET TO GALLERY: "Will yc kape
ottii ihIilIilI Whllc look at yer n o,
missis hain't to home. She told me, If
awoman come with Il warC on the
Ind ay Il red nose to say she wasn't
home; an theirs no mistakin' that
wart."
IlIE way dentists got patients into
their Offices is to hang out gigantic
Imitation tooth with roots SIX inches
long. This settles the business with a
timld woman at once.
"WILL you have cream and glucose
In your coflce?" is the question now
pfopounded from tho maternal end OF
the breakfast table. eyes" answers
the patcr ,familias, "and pass the olco.
margarine.'
a VERY weak tenor In Dublin sing
Ing freely caused one of the gods tt
shout to an acquaintance across the
gallery, ."Corncy, what noiso Is that?'
"Bednd," said Corney, "I believe it's
gas whist!in' in tho pipe"