Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1880-12-11
III humorous.

What this country wants Is less
politics and more pumpkin pie
Elmira Free Press.
What is the difference between
fixedsstar and meteor? One is
son, the other a darter.
What Is the reason that man
crossing a muddy crossing always
walks on his toes and a woman on
her heels?
IA good Indian" is what the
Herald calls Chief Ouray. He is
indeed a good Indian. He Is
dead. Chicago Times.
A hint to the fair: Locomotives
now carry mirrors which enable
the engineer to see whether his
train is all right without turning
around.
"Why Frankly exclaimed q
mother at friends table, II never
knew you to ask for second
piece of pie at home.n 81 knew
'twant no USE" replied Frankly,
quietly, as he proceeded with his
pie eating Boston Transcript.
"Be you good" asked bright
little chap of Miss Bud, his Sab
bath-school teacher, the other day.
ooh, no." was the becoming reply.
"You amt? Well l knew you
wasn't pretty. but l always tho't
you was good"
"Bill, You young scamp, If you
had your due, you'd get good
whipping II know 1t, dad
dy; bills are not always paid
when they are due" The agon-
lied father trembled lest his hope
full son should be suddenly snvtch-
ed from him.-Lowell Sun.
II understand that DIR. Jones Is
abroad" said Brown; "is he trav-
elling for his health ?" II sus-
pect,' said Fogg, that he Is trav-
cling for his patients health. /
know one OF them who has i'm
proved on his travelling" added
Fogg, With energy.
"Ah," said old Mr.. Middlerib,
watching an exciting chase be-
tween his neighbor Bilderback
and his son, In which the old man
held the whip while the boy was
making time that threatened TO
shut his parent clear out at the
distance pole. "Ah, truly has it
been said. The child Is farther off
the man. '-Burlington Ha,Okeye.
"Courting an Attack" Is q head
to apatent medicine advertisement
now making the rounds Of the
press. The head line may be in
bad company, but 1t is none the
less true that courti1g Is an attack
that oftentimes is stronger than
three-year-old steer, and as con-
slant and capable of adjustment as
az india rubber door mat.-Lock-
port Union.
A young ell. that had been ra-
ted nuisance and told by its re-
latives two or three times one
morning to get out" tied q knot
In its body and slid part way
through it. Its mothers sisters
coming up and exclaiming.
what now!" the young Malaco-
ptergian observed: ooh, you
needn't concern yourselves about
me; Pm a moose aunts." This fable
teaches whatever you like.-F0nd
du Lac Reporter.
swell, I'm getting about tired
of this "ere life." said an ultra
specimen of the genus tramp. Go
ing half-starved one day and dren-
ched to the skin another; sleeping
one night in barn, the next night
under hedge, and the third in
the lookup; this life amt what 1t
used TO be. Tell yer whatit is,
boys, if"t wasn'tfOr the looks of
the thing, I'd 60 to work. Dos
ton Transcript.
The seasons late
For loving mato
To spoon soft nonsense over gate
Wed not berate
Our foolish pate
For breaking hinges long with Kate,
For the aggregate
Will never salt
Ofmoonshine taffy at fve-barred rate;
But ere it s too late
Beware the weight
OF the old mans cowhide--No. 8.
--Petr0leuns World.
Jacob Smith, Clinton St., Buffa-
10, says, he has used Spring Bios
oan In his fa rniIv oa nonaral