The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

"A
An Unlocking mana sick man.
Steady men--Cabnet makers: bedsteady.
The original base burner-Mothers slipper,
Makes a defective aew-A hen with clipped
wings.
The small boy who reached up the chimney Tor
another Christmas present said he found some
thing there that sooted HIM.
'Your daughter fell from boat, Whiie aruhN'
and was drowned" was the sad but true ais
match teegraphed to clergyman in Omaha
''No moose is good news, exclaimed the ieiIo"
who was about to be hanged, when the sherIIi
informed him Of his pardon
A woman with red petticoat walking on 'he
Boston and Maine X. X. track, was so much Ike
danger signal that distant engineer stopped
A surprising case Of instinct. Since the wolf
bounty is twice as large in Winnebago ms in Ogle
comfy the animals have migrated from the lat
ter county into the other
Grant can be beaten out of sight-BoSton PoNt'
But how you going to beat MN OUT OF S s,gn''
-PhRaielUhid Builetin. Bury him uadcr uehio-
cratic majority Of half million
"There is one thing the Democracy can't steal
the nublic confidence" says the New YORK
Tr;5,g.s That's about the only thing the RepuD-
leans haven't stolen tin Eh4'
Burglars broke into the residence OF the sand
wich Free Press man, and finding oat where they
were, Immediately kicked themselves out
A good brother at the hotel table tried to imi-
tate Grant by turning his winegass upside
down. The waiter saw it Immediately and said;
'Ys, yis I'm coming with another bottle"
The Garcelon crowd in Maine weakened when
Gail Hamilton armed herself with rolling pin
and tin boiler ana invited them to come and see
her
John Sherman rebuking the Maine returning
boarders is a high moral spectacle. IL REMINDS
one Of Moodys strong figure about the devil
leading prayer meeting.
The Sandwich Argus says the Rev. }. c. Slough
ton, noted temperance apostle, in looking over
that town on Monday found lots Of apathy among
the temperance people, but very little whisky
Result-he kept sober.
George Elliot's physician told her she must
never apain attempt literary work, and we want
that doctor to come right to this country ana
take care Of Joaquin Miller,-BoStoH PoSt
There was a young man Of Mendoza
Who fOndy exclaimed: "Fll devote
Few lines to my girl"'
With his pencil in II whirl!
This kind Of a letter he wrote her:
''Oh silver.trimmed pearl OF Mendoza,
am not very much OF wroter;
But what have writ
You're the subject Of it"
And she bounced the unlettered young voter.
Where is Gen De Trobrand? Hayes ought to
send him to Maine with orders to shoot Blaine
on the spot and drive the rebels out of the less-
lature
The Leicester (English) Journal says that pin
afore is being played and sung in New York 10y
troupe of Sioux Indians, and that great tobac-
const of that city had offered box OF the finest
Hayanas to any one who had never heard or sung
Little Buttercup."
The fashion Of placing the heel Of n woman's
shoe near the middle OF the foot has led to the
following in the Springfield Republican;
She passed Just now in the falling snow,
And left the print of her dainty shoe;
From the edge Of the heel to the pointed toe
The most | can make is a number two.
Yet her brother showed me her morning slipper,
A number seven, as Pm alive,
And broad in the sole as a Portsmouth skipper.
Now how the dee do the girls contriyc
To squeeze a hoof like a camcl's foot
Into number two French kid boot?
"Man "says Victor Hugo, was the conundrum
Of the eighteenth century; woman is the conun-
Grum Of the nineteenth century" An American
editor adds: ave can't guess her, but will never
give her sp-no, never"
A Chicago man claims to have devised an APP
paratus by which he can convert water into
light. Such au invention may become popular
in Chicago, where they have no other use for
water. -NOrrjStown HcuH.
The Chicago Tri5une publishes list Of "the
thieves who undertook to steal the government
Of Maine As a sequel to the story it should
add list Of the worse than thieves who under
took to buy off quorum in the legislature at n
thousand dollars "A hcad.-Er.
journalism in the Far West is not without its
amusing features, AS witness the following from
the Black Hills Iimes: "The fellow from Bob
tail gulch who called at the Times Office last
night to mash the scribe who wrote that item,
told his friends when he went out, that he acci
dentally fell into our new Potter power press and
had passed clear through"
The Chicago T,ibane says that s. is big price
to pay for a poem, but that the sum was paid
checrfuly to Mr. Tenuyson for the subjoincd e.
fort entitled Rural Scenes"
Gently the kline are lowing,
Soft waves the golden grain;
Quickly man is making
Tracks for the coming train.
Silently fall the dew drops
In the solemn eyentide;
Ready girl is getting
To take buggy ride.
Soon will the maidens lover
His arm around her slide,
While to his manly bosom
Her head will gently glide.
Savagey bites the mosquito,
Ncrrily BUNDLES the bee;
But all that the maiden sayeth
Is-oucc in whilc-"Te.hem
There are rigid laws as well as rigid ideas on
the subject Of carrying revoyers in Arkansas,
man was recently arraigned before an Arkansas