The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1880-10-27
WOMEN IN POLITICS.
A Domestic Conversation, True to Life,
Truth and Nature.

| Truth and Nature.
Nov, my dear" said Mr. Spoopendyke,
| "if you will come and sit down here, I'll ex-
plain the political situation to you. / am
glad TO see you take an interest in such
things, for everybody ought to thoroughly
understand what is going on in the coun-
try"
I've been reading about them every day"
rejoined Mrs. Spoopendyke, land / think /
know good deal about politics now" and
the good lady turned turkey red with the
idea that she had excited her husbands ad-
miration. II think Mr.. Garfield is too sweet
to live, and that dear Mr.. Hancock is Just as
nice as he can be. They are ever so much
better than that odiOus English and Arthur.
Oh! if was man | would vote for Garfield
and Hancock"
That amt the way to talk politics"
sneered Mr.. Spoopendyke. IL thought you
said you knew something about it, Got an
idea that Garfield and Hancock are some
kind of bonnet, haven't you? Well, they
amt and they amt a foreign Bible society,
either"
do you like English and Arthur best?
They may be good men for the Presidency.
but saw more in the papers about Garfield
and Hancock, and l thought they must be
| splendid. Perhaps l was mistaken"
Garfield and Hancock amt running to-
gether, tell We" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
They are running against each other"
There's another thing" said Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, complacently, ''if they are doing
that, perfectly agree with you in thinking
that English and Arthur are the best. They
are perfect gentlemen, and Mr.. Arthur is so
handsome. 1 saw his picture"
Don't you know anything at all,
Scarcely demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
English and Arthur amt twins, they are
running against each other, too Wired
you find out about politics, anyway-in
cookbook? Praps you think these candi-
dates are vegetables, Mrs. Spoopendyke. But
they amt, they're men, with arms and legs;
they amt things to make pudding Of.
Certainly; know that" responded Mrs.
Spoopeneyke cheerfully, "butif Mr. Garfield
is running against Mr.. Hancock, and Mr..
English is running against Mr.. Arthur, /
don't see what we're going TO do. How are
We going to choose%
But they've got to run against each
other" explained Mr.. Spoopendyke, with
rising emphasis ''You don't suppose can
didates all run together like lot of hens,
do ye?''
eff Mr.. Hancock and Mr. Garfield run
against each other, won't Mr.. Hancock have
the best of it?''
why should he?" demanded Mr. Spoop-
endyke.
together he'd get beat, cause he's too fat.
He couldn't"
'Does anybody in the country know what
| you're talking about? Do you s'pOse they
stand off and bump up against each other
like couple of freight trains? Got an idea
| they're going TO roll up their trousers and
run leg race? l tell We Hancock is run
ming for one President and Garfield is run
ming for another. Now, dye understand"
| "Oh, that's it; now / begin to see into
it," returned Mrs. Spoopendyke, joyOusly.
$50 if you want to vote for two men for the
President you must vote for English and
Arthur l understand it perfectly now.
| But"
"Oh, YES, you understand it, don't YEP"
yelped Mr.. Spoopendyke. you're the poll
I tician of seven ages. All you need is a reg
| istration book and brass band to be a whole
political campaign. / tell we Hancock lis
running for President and so is Garfield,
and Arthur and English are running for
| Vice President. Can you understand thatT'
"Yes, / do; but do you think Arthur and
English will get it? l read in one"
Get it? They both can't get it. Only one
| of 'em can get it." exclaimed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, suppressing his passion What do
| you think the Vice Presidency is-a pair of
| pigeon-holes? One of 'em will be President
| and the other Vice President. Now, can
you bore that through your skull and remem-
Der it?''
! 'Why, of course; but feel sorry for poor
Mr. Garfield and poor Mr.. Hancock They'll
be awfully disappointed, but of course we
can't help it. Which will be President, do
| you think, Mr.. Arthur or Mr.. Eng"
bod CAST itl' raved Mr.. Spoopendyke
''You don't know enough to go TO sleep
when you're tired. Don't tell you Garfield
| or Hancock will be President, and English
| or Arthur Vice President? Say it over until
| you can remember it. The tickets are Han
cock and English, and Garfield and Arthur.
Comprehend thatY
'Why, certainly. l saw those names on
the banners. l remember it now. Which
will be elected?
THAT'S the question" rejoined Mr. Spoop-
endyke, sarcastically eff Mr.. English can
carry his own State and Ohio, he will be
elected, but if Mr.. Garfield can carry his
own State and Indiana, he has an excellent
show"
"What Will Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. Arthur
carry?' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, with an
air of absorbing interest.
"CarryP howled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
they'll carry swill to the pigs, and that's
moron you know how to do. What dye
'spose they'll carryp'
l suppose Mr.. Arthur will carry Mr.
English's State, won't he, and his own? And
Mr.. Hancock will carry Mr.. Garfield's State
and Governors Island. Amt that where
he lives? / don't see what they want of
each others States They ought"
''Ohi you've got it!' shrieked Mr. SpOo-
pendyke. you've got it boiled down. You
y
bar-room to be an election day. What
you want is a lot of blots and your name
spelled wrong to be poll list. Don't tell |
We that two of 'em are running against the |
other two, and the two that get the most |
States will be elected? And if a man can't
carry his own State he is liable to be licked? |
Can't We understand that?'
81 see; see" said Mrs Spoopendyke. Its |
as plain as day now. But suppose they all |
carry their own States, won't it be funny?'
''He, he, he" giggled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with horrible grimaces. It'll be the funni- |
est thing ever known. If they do that, you |
just dramatize it. It'll beat nine circusses |
in a row. Hows each going to carry his |
own State? Think he's going to turn it up |
on one end and roll it like hoop?"
81 don't know" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, |
rejecting. II don't exactly understand |
how they do it, but they ought to know
what they are going to do before they accept |
the Convention. | read -"
"Who cares dog gasted cent what We |
read" pealed forth Mr. Spoopendyke. you |
don't know enough about politics to stuff |
chicken Who said anything about any |
measly Convention? Git into bed, will ye2 |
You got an idea that you put candidates in |
pot like turaips and poke 'em with fork, |