Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-02-13
F. U n


A little three-year old, having heard the
word nuisance applied to some meddle-
some person, remarked very emphatically
tn his grandmother, who interfered with
the mischief, s'Grandma, you are nui-
sance.,' He caught the reproachful look
tb.t followed in the moment of surprised
silence. and instantly clambered up into
her lap, put his chubby arms about her
neck. and added, as if in the same breath,
sI do love nuisance better than any
thing.''
'sThere was young damsel, oh, bless
her. 1t costs very little to dress her:
She was as sweet as a rose
In her every day clothes,
But had no young man to caress her
because, you see she had given the nit
ten to the only fellow in the neighborhood.
and the amount of sweetness she was
therefore obliged to waste upon the des-
ert air.
Was simply enough to distress her"
A five year old daughter the other day
stood watching her baby brother, who was
making great fuss over having his face
washed. The little miss at length lost her
patience, and stamping her tiny foot, said
ssYou think you have lots of trouble, but
you don't know anything about it. Wait
till you are big enough to get spanked, and
then you'll see won't he, mamma p
The mysteries of a baby's toilet were al
- nd
he carefully watched the bathing and
dressing of his little cousin. When the
little powder box was opened and the fluffy
brush was about to be used underneath
the baby's chin, he exclaimed, sob, aunty,
let me see you salt her,
A little Oil City girl observed her mo-
ther measuring cloth by holding it up to-
her nose with one hand and reaching out
to arms length with the other. She as
sumed a thoughtful aspect and, after cog
itating few moments, asked: slow can
you measure cloth that way? Can you
smell yard ?''
ssWhat do you sell those fowls fer p in
quired person of man attempting to dis
pose of some chickens of questionable
appearance. II sell them for profits, y was
the answer. "Thank you for the informa-
ton that they are prophets" responded
the querist, ST took them to be patrla
archs."
Sweetly sings nineteenth century poet.
aWhat will heal my bleeding heart r
Lint, man. lint: put on plenty OF lint. Or
hold cold door key to the back Of your
neck, press small roll of paper under the
end Of your lip, and hold up your left arm
This last remedy is to be used only In case
your heart bleeds at the nose.
''Been having your boots half soled p
asked Tom. "Well. yes,'' said Ben, who
was looking little seedy ''but they are
not half s. old as my hat" And it was
three O'Clock the next afternoon before
Tom understood just what he meant by it.
81 was not aware that you knew him,
said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the
other day. "Knew him ?" said he, in
tone which comprehended the knowledge
OF more than enc life. 81 knew him when
his father was boy"
81 say, MAJ exclaimed little mink Of
thirteen ''do you know what the pyrotech.
meal remedy is for a crying infant =
ssGracious goodness mel No, never
heard of such thing" s'Well ma, its
rocket"
Father (who is always trying to teach
his son how to act at the table)-"Well
John. YOU see that when [ have finished
eating always leave the table," john
ssYes, sir, and that is about all you dc
leave"
IT. is a singular fact that snow bal
thrown by boy at fat man misses th'
mark eight times out of nine, but it free
at lamp-post every shot crashes through
the glass with unerring precision.
"Shall a husband keep his wife Informed
Of his business affairs p asks an innocent
There is no necessity. She will find out tive
times as much as he knows himself, with
out the least trouble.
ssAre we musical people 20 asks tn
Chicago ssTribune'' When every Amer
lean babe tunes up as soon as it enters tn
world, and small towns support two bras
bands. we should say that we are.
~You cannot tell what day will brin
forth. y says some sage. What's the rea
son we can't +? If the almanac is not mis-
taken. a day next year will bring Fourtl
Of July.
Life is put together considerably like
set of harness. There are traces, OF care
lines of trouble, bits of good fortune. ant
breaches of good manners, bridled tongues
and everybody has to tug to pull through
ssMr. Jones, father wants to borrow you
paper. He only wants to read it, "Well
90 back and tell your father to send me hi
supper. Tell him only want to eat it,
A western editor says one hug is wort
a dozen love letters, and it cannot be in
troduced as evidence in a breach Of pre-
mise suit either.
If you have pretty daughter you vii
have BRAN full of anxiety, and a hous
full of scented note-paper.
SHOW long shall girls be courted ?'' ask
an English newspaper. Not longer than
o,clock in the morning. we think.
Tt is an old saying. but very pretty one
that a blush is like a pretty girl, for it be
comes woman.