Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1880-12-10
Humorous.
FACT, FUN AND FANCY.

ton.
The woman who dyes her hair wants
to keep it dark.
Beauty is as summer fruits, which
are easy to corrupt and cannot last.
The protest of the shop girls against
being forbidden to sit down is matter
of long standing.
The bobtailed horse spends his whole
existence in lamenting the lack of ter
minal facilities.
There's many a man whose highest
ambition is teeuccessfully contest seat
on nail-keg in a corner grocery.
How soon popular songs become old.
Even now "My Grandfather's Clock"
may be classed among the old time
pieces.
The little son of a clergyman in Adri-
an, Mich, was overheard to say in his
prayers night or two since: 30 Lord,
don't let Christmas be longer than four
or five weeks.
Teacher. Suppose that you have two
sticks of candy, and your big brother
gives you two more, how many have you
then?' Little boy, Shaking his head, }
"You don't know him-he amt that
kind of boy"
At hotel table child attracted con-
siderable attention by saying repeatedly,
II want cake" "You have had five
or six already" replied the mother
"Them's not the ones I want. I want a
fresh one"
The following advertisement appeared
in an Edinburg paper: "For sale, a
handsome piano, the property of a young
lady who is leaving Scotland in walnut
case with turned legs
A doctor attending punster who was
very ill. gave as his reason for being
late one day, that he had been obliged to
stop to attend to man who had fallen
dawn very deep well. "Did he-kick
the-bucket-doctor ?" gaspcd tbs pun
ster.
A certain English general, being at
the point of death, opened his eyes, and
seeing consultation of four physicians,
who were standing close by his bedside,
family exclaimed, "Gentlemen, if you
fire by platoons its all over with me, !"
and instantly expired.
1t is about as hard to find girl whose
marriage is announced in the newspaper
who isn't beautiful and accomplished 3"
as it is to find man who has Just died
who wasn't "honored and respected by
all who knew hin"
Newspaper editors, as IA class, are
obliged to keep cool under all circum-
stances, and to provide against contin-
gencies, every well regulated establish
ment has composing room where they
can retire when under great mental ex-
element
A bright little boy, who had been en-
gagged in combat with another boy, was
rsproved by his aunt, who told him he
ought always to wait until the other boy
pitched upon him" " But if l wait
for the other boy to begin, I'm afraid
there won't be any fight"
Sure" said Patrick rubbing his head
with delight at the prospect of present
from bis employer, II always name to
do my dnty." Il believe you" replied
the employer, land therefore | shall
make you present of all that you have
stolen from me during the year" II
thank your honor" replied Pat, "and
may all your friends and acquaintance
treat you as literally
A resident who reached home by a
noon train, after an absence of two weeks,
was met at the station by his eight-year-
old son, who welcomed him. "And is
everybody we'll, Willie" asked his faith
er 1.-The wcllest kind" replied the
boy. And nothing has happened ?"
Nothing at all. I've been good, Jen-
MES been good, and | never saw ma be-
have herself so well as She has this
time"
An exchange suggests that it is good
season of the year to begin practicing
upon the almost 'lost art" of shutting
the door after you. But that art was
never lost from a newspaper Office
Weekly newspapers always give visitor
a chrome if he shuts the door after him
self in cold weather. A half-dozen
chromos last most Offices from one Pre- ST.
dental election to another
II wish | was star" he said, smil-
ing at his own poetical fancy. II would
rather you were comet" she said dream
lily His heart beat unanimously.
And, why? he asked tenderly. oh"
she said with brooding earnestness that
fell upon his soul like bare foot upon a
cold oil-cloth, because then you would
come around only once every FIVE hun
drcd years"
Little Jennie has sister, year mar
ried. Last week this sister became the
mother Of pretty babe. Look. mad
amoiscllc," said the nurse, showing the
new born to its little aunt. Isn't it
the pretticst dolly you ever saw ?" Jen-
ME danced with delight Then she ap-
preached to take it from the nurses arms.
A cry of disgust arose. ooh, Pooh y
screamed Jennie, ''its nothing but meat
baby"
a man in Kentucky, all alive and
well, recently saw statement of his
own death in newspaper. He did not
SO much resent the general statement as
the inaccuracy of the details, so he wrote
to the editor: "'Sir, notice few errors
in the obituary Of myself, which appeared
in your paper on Wednesday last.
was born in Grecnup county, not Cald.
well. and my retirement from business
in 1860 was not owing to i'll health, but
to little trouble l had in connection
with a horse. The cause of my death
was not smallpox, Please make correc.
tons, for which | enclose fifty cents