Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-05-06


IL damp, poor place TO work in.
A good batter can be made of buck
wheat -four, but a good catcher can
not.
"Them green peas Is canned" said
the Boston girl of culchah, in her emo
ton.
Irish astronomers may now observe
Reconsideration" they never Saw be-
fore.
A gap in the carving-knife betokens
that spring chicken has been in the
>house.
The seven-to-eight game is played in
Paris, Tex.--seven churches aud eight
saloons.
Mary Walker calls the place where
she hangs her clothes, not a closet but
pantry.
It has been ascertained that some of
the alleged dark horses are only off.col-
Ored mules.
When a man Ia rolling in wealth his
fortune. is appropriately expressed in
round numbers.
What's.the use of a college student
kicking football for five years only to
graduate as lawyer.
Beecher says heaven will forgive a.
man for drowning cat. Doesn't need
to; nothing to forgive.
The only way the census-takers can
count the tramps is to have them pass
into jails In procession.
Wives of great men all remind Us
We may make our wives sublime
BY the purchase OF spring bOnnets,
If we purchase them in time
M. 1. Townsend says the shaving of
Cadet Whiraker's head at West Point
amounted to barberism.
It is said that the pen is mighter
than the sword. Neither is of much
value without the holder.
"Honesty is the best policy" but too
many people claim that they cannot
afford the best of anything.
We suspected it all along. Hart is
an Ohio man. having formerly been q
waiter in Cleveland hotel.
Figures won't lieu is a mistake.
Some of the finest female figures upon
the streets are nothing but -!
Postage stamps must not he used
more than once. To go through the
mails letter must bear the stamp of
originality.
Artemus Ward once commenced a
lecture by saying: "Ladies and gentle
mad, possess a gigantic intellect, but
I haven't it with me-"
Never point an unloaded gun at
man for fun. It is twice as much fun
to hit him over the head with it and
gives him some chance.
To enjoy fishing it is not necessary
to catch fish. Just as big lies can be
conjured up from nothing as can be |
based upon a two-inch trout.
It hardens the heart of the shop
keeper when the blind beggar finds
the out-of-the-way knob of his store
door the first reach he makes.
A beautiful Girl in Moline,
With hair like q silverv sheen,
On an orange-peel sterped;
Her parents first wept,
And then saw her grave was kept green.
II comes kind o'sudden like, Just as
the congregation have finished singing
"Salvation's free" to have the preach
announce that 1.-The collection will now
be taken up"
ooh! Mister" said an old lady after
a bicycle had passed her, "just now
seed wagon-wheel runnin' away with |
q man. You kin believe It or not. I
wouldn't if hadn't seed it myself.
heard her declaim an grafton:
"Wa're slaves and shall never be free
TIL all OF the Lords of Creation
Shall lead to the ballotrh0x wep
And Miss Samuel B. ~
Anthony she
Cried: THAT'S what's the matter with |
me!'
When boy falls and peals the skin |
off his nose the first thing he does Is to |
get up and yell. When a girl tumbles |
and hurts herself badly the first thing
she does is to get up and look at her
dress.
When the counting at midnight IL ended,
And he stands with his hat in his fist
Wniie she lovingly fingers beside him,
To bid him Tat ~ and be kissed,
How b1iy the thoughts OF the future
Yon bet you his thoughts he don't speak |
He H. wondering how they can manage
To live on twelve dollars week.
When the ardent boomster amt booming.
-aint booming;
And the "Boss'' with wires is not occupied, |!
They love to watch the ::dsrE horie swiftly
looming,
swiftly looming,
And murmur at the way their friends have
lied.
friends have lied.
Twas In the cleaning
By the fair Wyoming
That left my darling many years ago.
Ard memory tender
Brings her back In splendor
With her cheeks Of roses aud brow Of snow.
But whore In thunder
Is she now, wonderi
Oh! my erul. be quiet, aad my sad heart,
hush!
Under the nmhreller
or another Teller
Al, think Sc her Ia.idling through the :