Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1880-11-06
Not Al,oaether srtislactoru.
Mrs. .Spoopendyke's Psrplerity Concerning
tie Morey Letter.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.

From the Brooklyn Eagle.
But what | can'tunderstand, said Mrs.
Spoopendvke, argumentatively, after her
husband had carefully explained to her all
about the Chinese letter, what | don't I'M
derstand is, if Mr.. Garfield SAYS he didn't
send the letter, how did Mr.. Morey get 2"
"He didn't getit they say" returned Mr..
Spoopendyke. They claim that Morey
never saw or heard of it. Don't YOU see?'
Perfectly. But who got it? If it was
mailed to Mr. Morey how could anybody
else get it? If Mr. Garfield should write
a letter to me, how would 4 newspa-
per get hold of it?'
"Well. if he ever does, they'll know it,
Can't We understand anything at all, scarce
"? The Democrats say that Mr.. Garfield
wrote the letter aod the Republicans say he
didn't"
"What do the Greeubackers say? That
would be important"
"Dod CAST the Greenbackers" retorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "What have they got to
do with it? The question IS whether Mr..
Garfield wrote it"
81 don't see why he didn't, if Mr.. Morey
rot it. Now if Mr.. Morey hadn't got it,
there might be some question; but"
whats the matter with YOU" demand
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. What are yethink-
inc with. your elbows? If Mr. Garfield
didn't send it, how could Morey get it?-
S'pose he went fishing and caught it like an
CHATS the point" conceded Mrs Spoop-
endyke. But if Mr.. Morey did get it, who
sent it? He must have got it, because it
was directed to him.
THAT settles it" groaned Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. Nobody thought of that before
You've got the whole postal system in 4
teaspoon. If somebody would fit you up
with pigeonholes and an iron safe you'd only
need to be assessed ten per cent by a cam
paign commsttee to be postoiiice. If Mr.
Garfield never sent that letter, of course
Morey never got it. Amt that plain If
he did get it, then the chances are that Mr..
Garfield wrote it, Can ye see that?'
"That's just what said. Now, if Mr..
Morey didn't get it, how did the newspapers
get hold Of it? Did Mr.. Garfield send it 70
the newspaper
ooh! didn't he?" howell Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. "He took it around himself, and
sprancd his legs in doing it. OH you've
struck it. 1t took your logic to fetch out
the facts. With your metaphysics YOU only
wanta red and green light to be drug store.
The Republicans say that Garfield didn't
write it or send it, and Mercy never got it
or saw it. Can you get that through your
head Is there room in your skull for that
idea? '
"Plenty," reioinel Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Blu. don't the Democrats ny that Mr. Car
fed did write it and Mr. Morey did get it?
They may know a. much about it a the Re
publicans, and then they We got the letter to
prove it. If they didn't have the letter it
would be different and it shows that Invent
to Mr.. Morcy. Now, the only thing is
whether Mr. Morey was Democrat or Re
publican. If he was"
Are We an idiot? Have ye got to 20 to
night school to be fool Don't YOU know
Moreys dead lie amt Republican, or
Democrat either; hes IN angel, if he's had
luck. He left that letter among his papers,
and his wife gave it ont for publication
"Then that ends il" said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke "If his wife gave it out, know he
never gott. That's inst the way with some
women. Always getting their poor dead
husbands in trouble She oughtto be asham-
ed. And 50 Mr.. Garfield amt to be PreSi-
dent?"
"Do YOU know what you want? You
want high chimney and grayeled walk
to be a unatic asylum. Who says he won't
be President? Why can't he be PRESIDENT '
"If he didn'twrire the letter how can hc?'
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke.
What do You suppose the letter was, Il
measly flower pot? Think it was shottow-
cr? What dye s'pose il was, anyway
"Why, hi, letter of acceptance, wasn't It ?
Wasn't it somcthng about his nomination?
No, it wasn'tit" snecred Mr.. Spoopcn-
dyke. ct was Il confession that he WAS old
man Bender That's what it was. 1t laid
the blame of knocking Nathan's brains ont
with Charley Ross on George Washington
that's what it was Got it now? Think
YOU can talk about it like Il human being
another time?" and Mr. Spoopcndyke shot
ont of the house.
"Wcll, we'll, said Mrs Spoopendykc, as
she held the bed spread up and figured on
whether she would turn it over or have II
washed. pm glad I'm beginningto under
stand politics. But if Mr.. Garfield didn't
write the letter and Mrs. Morcy was alive, ii
would 60 hard for Mr. Morey in giving It
out. \ woman can't b, too careful about
what she does in politics" and having de-
cided to turn tie spread, Mrs. SpOopendykc
tied a towel around her head, and having
busted her husbands private papers put
them away where no human being could
over find thcn.