Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1880-11-03
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FUNNYGRAPHS.


CoPPER-TOED-Indian babies.
SHEER cruelty-Clipping sheep.
SONG of the mouse: "Hear me gnaw,
ma."
FAST FRMNDs-Maud s. and St. Ju-
lien.
A Two-Foor rule-Making "rights "
and "lefts.
Eco HARBoR must be the place where
vessels lay to.
WINTER is the sleep of the year, and
also it's shower.
To get along well-dig it deep.-Phil-
adel2ohia Record.
A GROWING MISUNDERSTANDING. Phil
adel2ohia Record.
WHAT do eating apples eat and how
do they do it it?-Bosto,a Herald.
The barber's apprentice is usually a
strapping fellow.-Bostoe Transcript.
THOUGHT at church fair: Faint
pocket book never captivated fair lady,
Yo2aEers Statesman.
A MAN is perfect brick when he shows
himself all the better for being hard
pressed.-Boston Transcript.
AS street car conductor took rural
passengers money the other day, he
called it an agricultural fair.-Aqents'
Herald.
"MARK where he stands ''-as shoe
maker said to his assistant, while taking
the measurement of a customers foot
Journal Of Commerce.
EVERY printer is galley slave.-
lonkers Gazette. Yes, and his wife is
the gal he slaves for.-Boston Com. Bul-
tetin.
Do we eat too much, asked the De-
troit Free Press, and out of five dozen
boarding-house keepers sixty answered
in the affirmative.-N0t5on.
HE body of an unknown man was
found recently below Niagara Falls. The
cheerful news that deceased was hack.
man has since been dispelled by an Off
cial count.
"NEvER borrow trouble" said a hus-
band to his wife. ''Oh, let her borrow
it if she can," exclaimed the next door
neighbor; "she never returns anything,
you know. ."-Boston Transcript.
WHEN the baby Princess of Spain
grows up and finds how mad everybody
was about it, she won't feel f1attered.
The nearest she can come to it is to wear
Derby hat and bang her hair.
Why are the shears of the editor Of
the New York World like two old scan
dal mongers! Answer-Because when
they meet somebody's credit is gone.-
Galveston Ne,Us.
The man who eats plenty of apples
need have no fear of ciderophobia.-N. y
Com. Adr. Should the man who deals
in hides have any fear of hydrophobia?
Boston Com. Bulletin.
The editor was mad enough to kill
somebody when he found that by a singu-
lar mistake his foreman had put the
heading "What we Eat" over an edi-
torial telling how to feed Cincia-
natl Saturday Night.
JONES, who has been fitting about all
the season, doing the fashionable resorts,
has returned and taken his usual board
ing-house attic in the city. His move
ments can always be calculated; they are
autumn-attic.
"Wn1 you love me when mould?"
said the youthful modeller to his sweet
heart. She cast her eyes down and an
swered in the affirmative, aud be was so
elated that upon leaving her presence
he started off Immediately on bust.
ScHoo1M1sTREss- What was the fate
of Abel?" Boy" Killed by Cain in a
club" Schoolmistress- No, with
club. Do you know what club is?"
Boy" Yes, mum; sorter free an easy.'
like father goes to O nights. ."-F'un.
He handed her the plate SO that she
had to take the hot end, and thought it
good joke, laughed until his sides shook.
She laughed, too, and then broke the
plate over his head! Moral-Practical
jokes are always funny, until the perpe-
TRAITOR Observation-Disclosures Item.
WHEN the sheriff arrested the girl he
had to halter. Whoa- Whceting Sum-
day Leader. No doubt she would have
preferred a bride trip. .--PhSt0del13hin
Item. Doubted. When the sheriff
asked her if she was married she re-
piled: "No, surcingle."
"DoNr waste time clipping off the
branches" said the woodman to his son,
"but lay your ak at the root of the
tree." And the young man went out and
laid his ak at the root of the tree, like
good and duiful boy-and then went
fishing. Truly, there is nothing 80
beautiful as fial obedience!
A PA1PAB1E hlt.-Stout gentleman
(whose play had been conspiciously baD
-"I'm such wretched feeder, you see,
Mrs. Kipper-a wretched feeder I al
ways was!" Mrs. Kipper (who doesn't
understand lawn tennis) -" Indeed!
Well, I never should have thought it!'-
Punch.
"WHAr is the use," asks the San
Francisco Post, "of talking about art
culture in San Francisco, when it is an
open secret that certain rich mining
man recently sent to Florence for copy
of the Venus of Milo, and when the stat
ue was delivered, actually sued the Gen.
trail Pacific Railroad company for mutt
lating a work of art, and, what is
more, recovered damages?"
A FUNNY man says the following is the
method of catching tigers in India: A
man carries board on which a human
figure is painted; as soon as he arrives at
the den he knocks behind the board with
hammer; the noise arouses the tiger,
which flies in direct line for the board,
while tie man behind clinches his claws
in the wood and secures him.
INco one of our largest dry goods
stores entered a gentleman the other
day. and with the air of one who had
been used to this sort of thing all his
life. YOU know, he said to the astonished
saleswoman: "Give me yard of ma
room colored flannel to match baby,
please" Correcting himself, he began
again: 1beg pardon; I mean yard
Of flannel to match maroon colored
baby-here iproducing bit of flannel
from his vest pocket), want yard OF
that"