The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-09-03

40
COMICALITIES.

music.
81 GO through my work, "as the needle
said to the idle boy. "But not till
yon are hard pushed as the idle boy said
to the needle"
In New Orleans variety store pla-
cards hang side by side announcing that
L" fishing tackle" and "Acts of the Leg
islature," are on sale.
A "sLEEPING-GIRL has just awOlSe i'll
England after nap of several weeks.
No doubt her long sleep was only rlisc
to compd her mother to wash the break
fast dishes. -NOrriStOaO Heraid.
"WILL you have some Strawberries"
asked lady OF aguest. eyes, madame;
| eat strawberries with enthusiasm"
"Do tell! We haven't anything but
cream and sugar for them this evening""
DIR. HALL says that every blade of
grass contains sermon. We can I'M
derstand why some people shave their
lawn down so close; they want the SER
mon cut short. -KeOkuk Gate city.
"YoU don't look much tanned" was
said to young man who had Just had
weeks yachting. "Well, no." he an
swered. "The fact lis We couldn't see
the sun for the log"
WHILE moving IL log recently, Milo
Parsons, of Northield, Conn.,, found
himself suddenly covered from head to
foot with hornets. Want OF space for
bids the publication OF his remarks
Boston Transcript.
If from your glove you take the letter
q, your glove is love, which devote To
thee. The answer was prompt, and was
also in verse: If from your page You
take the letter ?, your page is age, and
that won't do for me-"
POLICE Court scene. Judge to an
lnprepossessing tramp: "Where are
your means of living?" ~ am an in
ventor." "Ah, indeed. And what have
you invented ?" "Nothing as yet; but
am Oh the lookout"
"SHoN," said Dutchman, "you may
say what you please apout pad neigh
bOrs; / haf had de worst neighbors IA
cfer was. Mine pigs und mine hens
come home NIT der ears split; and fodder
day two of dem come home missing"
A BASEBALL boy tripped and fell and
tore his clothes, while chasing II stray
chicken in neighbours lot He told his
mother that he had been sent to grass by
n foul. She reached for home base and
the youth went out on strikes bowling
or the old man to act as referee.
The young wife and the old friend
Have you seen my pipe, love?" "Do
You mean your meerschaum, darling?
Here it is, inside the fender. 1t smelt
so of that horrid tobacco that l washed
it for you.-.judy.
CLARK, hear an angel sing!" sang a
young man i'll M outside township school
exhibition. "No, faint" shouted an
old farmer in one of the back seats. "It's
only my old mule that's hitched ont
side!" The young man broke down and
quit.
A PHILADELPHIA contractor says that
whisky can be made out of garbage.
And we believe him. Whisky makes
garbage out of man, and why shouldn't
man make whisky out of garbage. 1t il
n poor rule that won't work both ways.
-NOrristOaDn HeraM.
ALBANY, Ore, has brass band con-
tanning twelve of the foremost young wo-
men in the city. 1t might be supposed
that they could put on enough "airs"
without organizinga band. And it looks
odd to see them returning home sober
after playing at q political meeting
NOrTistOiUn Herald.
BELIEVERS Ill metempsychosis have
had their faith refreshed by the recent
birth of child, who upon coming into
the world, made searching scrutiny of
his surroundings, and, sinking back in
the nurses arms, remarked: "Thank
heaven, at last ! have got myself born
into family that is comfortably tixed!"
"WHY Does Mother Stay SD Long?"
Perhaps she went to the circus and con-
Guided to remain and witness the first
class concert" given in the ring in con-
clusion of the circus performance
"Only ten cents admission! Procure
your tickets of the young gentlemen rs
they pass through the audience. Nor
ristO'Cn Herald.
A HIaH-ToNED traveller stepped into the
temporary depot recently, and, address,
ing one of the employees, remarked:
"Well, this is enough to make mule
laugh" The answer was rather too per-
sonal, perhaps, for the railroad man
quickly inquired: "Well, whyin thm-
der, don't you laugh if You want to ?"-
BinghaDaptOn Republican.
PROFESSOR of arithmetic to boy of
no means a promising young scholar:
"Three from six, how many?" "Dun-
no.N "Come, now, suppose yOu had
six apples the boys face brightens--
"and 1 said to you, 'Give me three
how many would you have left ?" "Six."
"No, no; you forgot that told You to
give me three" 81 wouldn't give 'em to
YOU"
GUEST to cashier of q restaurants
say, here You have charged me in my
times, and again, Two boiled eggs, 70
continues Why is this thus? Where
fore is the difierence?" The cashier
(haughtily)-"You ongit to know, mon
sieur, that in first-class restaurant they
never think of boiling an egg unless it is
perfectly fresh" .-.
A RESTLESS speculator consults his
doctor who says to him: "The exciting
life that You lead is wearing You out rap
idly. If you keep it up you will be
dead man by this day twelvemonth.
"By Jove, SIR" cries the restless specu-
lator, elf / were only sure of of that I'd
make n fortune, I'd go to life insur-
ance company and insure myself for
million. 1t would be the biggest opera
ton of the century"
MARK TWAIN says the only introduce
ton to n literary audience that he ever
had that seemed to him the right word
in the right place-a real inspiration
was as follows: "Ladies and gentleman,
/ shall not waste any unnecessary time
in the introduction. / don't know any
thing about this man; at least ! only
know two things about him-one is tina
he has never been in the penitentiary,
and the other is, can't see why"
IT is asserted that after few drinks OF
both liquids, no man can distinguish
claret from buttermilk by the taste, and
this statement has been proved by ex-
experiments. There is nothing re-
markable about that, however. Beyond
certain point, which is ordinarily reach
by / p. NJ, very few men can tell the
difference between whisky and settler,
especially if he takes them together
HaDkeye.
A YOUNG lady with a valise met
young clergyman with valise on Hud-
son river train, aid after chatting with
him as far as Hudson got out and pro-
ceeded to her dressmaker's. When she
got there, and opened the valise she
found soiled shirt and miscellaneous
articles belonging to q gentleman's
wardrobe. Shehad taken the good mans
valise and left him in possession of her
own, containing silk and satin.
A LEADING officer in one of the courts
was charged with never going to bed So
! k, I'D oil