The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1880-06-18
THE HIP POCKET.

What is known among tailors as the nip
pocket" is exclusively a characteristic of the
American species Of man.
Mr Withers is not Western man and IS
wholly unacquainted with whisky; but his
recent experience of the incompatability of
hip-pockets and glass bottles was very pain
full and embarrassing. He had returned to
his Orange county home from brief visit to
New FORK and had brought with him as a
present for Miss Wilson-to whom he was be-
trothed-a bottle of that remarkable cemel
which is sold by sidewalk merchants, and
which is by them represented as being much
stronger than wrought iron. 1t had occur
red to him that this cement would be a very
nice TO have in his future house. since with
it all sorts of broken china and glass could
be mended, and every one knows that chill
dren viii break a great deal Of china. On
the evening of his arrival home he put the
bottle of cement in his hip-pocket and called
on Miss Wilson, intending to offer it TO he:
as soon as he entered the house.
Mr.. Withers was ardently attached to the
young lady, and when he saw her before him
he not unnaturally forgot all about such
merely earthly matters as cement. The old
few moments of conversation withdrew with
a discretion which it is to be wished that all
old people would emulate Being of a fru-
gal mind, and knowing that the merciful
young man should be merciful to his intend
ed father-in-law in point of kerosene bills.
Mr.. Withers promptly turned down the lamp
and proceeded to make himself at home.
The bottle was a stout one, and would per-
haps have withstood any ordinary pressure,
but as Miss Wilson weighed fully 40 pounds
and as the back of the small rocking chair
was of hard wood, it is not strange that the
bottle yielded. Mr.. Withers was so much
interested in the weather and other subjects,
such as usually absorb the attention of young
men in his position, that he did not notice
the breaking of the glass, and it was not
until an hour later that false alarm of
'father in the front hall induced Miss VIII
son to flee to the sofa, and suggested to Mr..
Withers the advisability of turning up the
lamp.
The cement had done its work, and Mr.
Withers did not get up to the light, but re-
quested the young lady to discharge that
duty for him. She did so, and then noticed
his painful and preOccupied expression. To
her anxious inquiries he admitted that he felt
little faint and would like glass of water
Miss Wilson hurriedly went for the water.
repToaching herself for being so heavy, and
accusing herself of selGshuess and want of
consideration. In her absence the young
man made superhuman efforts To wrench
himself loose, but the cement refused to
yield. When Miss Wilson returned with the
glass of water, he looked so much worse that
she was really frightened, and he was com
PEELED to tell her the real state of the case.
She was practical person, and she prompt
Iy proposed to get in a tin-kettie of hot water
and dissolve the cement, but desisted when
he explained to her that his system would
not bear the application of water at the boil
ing point She then timidly suggested that
if she were to call pa, perhaps pa might lend
you pair; but Mr. Withers said no, he could
not bear the modification of being found in
such a situation by any father. 1t was final-
ly agreed That he should wait to later hour
and should then take the chair home with
him. This was accordingly done, and had
not the unfortunate yOung man been arrest
ed by a local constable, who only discharged
him when a severe test proved that his pos
session Of the chair was purely involuntary,
his misfortune might never have become gen
orally known. When disasters such as this
are Liable to happen to the wearers of hip
pockets it becomes doubtful whether they
are not altogether too hazardous fOI general
use. In fact good authorities maintain that
! the hip-pOcket is entirely detrimental, and
/ that an earnest and united effort should bt
made to secure its eXtirpatiOn.-N T. Times