Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-01-29
A Brilliant Exaggerator.

There were three of them, and they
were seated around marble-top table
in comfortable cafe quaffing nectar of
the gods. 81 suppose" said one of the
party, "that this honest fellow who has
just cut the wires around the cork is the
blessedest liar that ever wagged a
tongue. Now continued the speaker,
"follow me, - and he prepared to adj
dress the bottle-bearer.
&C Rainey, this is mighty fine thing on
the floor:''
essay no more," he answered. cit
is moighty fine thing. We have it
where I cnm from. The sthreets are
paved wild it, bud it's in colors, an it's
made beautiful an hard. The horses
there are shoed wild cork, an they can't
chip the marble. O it's foine here, to
be sure; but we bate it where l cum
FROM
''That will do-another quart was
all that was said.
The cork was hard to start, but finally,
when Rainey had started it, the report,
as it shot toward the ceiling, was loud.
"That cork travelled long distance,
Rainey," said another of the party, fol-
lowing with his eye the rolling stopper.
cit did, he answered complacently,
"but you should see 'em at home. Say
no more. We have 'em where l cum
from; four-quart bottles; impartial
goold sale. When the cork flies out it
goes half mile, an you can hear the
report across the river. It's pleasant
glass;
1t was suggested that oysters and
champagne went well together, and that
the time and place for oysters were IA
vorable. "Eh! Rainey?''
go, yes; oysthers are good and large
now," he answered, "bud we have UNI
at home, where [ cum from; and they
average three to a barrel. Say no
mOre''
This was "worse and more of it,
but he never smiled-neither did he
move amuscle of his face nor wink an
eye as he told the story. At this point
lC tooh tIC CHCIh W COuulCI iuI
paid the bill. On his return, and while
the party was still shaking with laugh
ter at the fellows exaggeration, he was
asked:
"Couldn't you manage to get four of
those oysters into barrel, Rainey?"
"Well, it would be very hard to get
four O the Bandon oysters into a barrel
without stretchin' the hoops" he said
6 for that raison we seldom barrel 'em,
bud we lays 'em in layers in the wagons.
They're very good"
This seemed to be the extreme limit
of exaggeration, but the man was equal
to every emergency.
elbow are the Holsters, Rainey?''
"Where / cum from?'' he asked
g Say no more. We don't get Holsters
here. Whin came here first an heard
them cry 'Lobsthers!' an saw the little
red things in the wheelbarrers an hand
carts, thought they wor shrimps. Lob
sthers! At home they grow as big as
seals,an all one has to do is to 60 out in
a boat, drive them ashore as you would
a flock O. sheep, an up to the hot-water
springs. O, but they're beauties. They
go in on one side of the springs as green
as grass an cum out on the other side
wild coat as red as an English soldiers.
They're just no throuble at ALL
" Rainey,' said one of the gentlemen,
&c bring us another bottle, and take the
Oh ~ l.; - I'll T.,
liars | ever metz
Looking over the company with sad,
sorrowful face, and turning half around
to filling the order, he an
swered, That's purity hard, sir. Say
no more. I never tould lie in me life.''