Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-07-22
Josh BILLINGS ON BEER.

have finally come to the conclusion that
lager beer az beverage il not intoxicating.
hav been told so by German who drank
it all mite long, jest to try the experiment
and he wuz obliged to 60 home sober in the
morning hav seen the same man drink
IL glasses, and if he wuz drunk it wuz in
German and nobody could understand it.
It is proper enuf to state that this man
kept beer saloon, and could hav no object
in stating what wuz not strictly thus.
I believe him to the full extent of mi
ability.
never drank but three glasses of lager in
my life. and that made my head twist as tho
it wuz owing to my bile being out of place,
and guess that it wuz so, for I never billed
over wuss than l did when l got home that
nite My wife thot wuz going to die, and
wuz afraid shouldent, for it seemed as tho
everything had ever eaten in my life wuz
coming to the surface and l believe if my
wife hadent pulled off my butes just as she
did, they would hav come thunderin up too.
0, how sick wuz! IA years ago, and |
can taste it now.
never had so much experience in so short
time
If emmy man should tell me that lager
beer wuz not intoxicating I should believe
him !; if he should tell me wuzent drunk that
mite, but my stummick wuz out of order, l
should ask him to state over in fu words
jest how man felt and acted when he wuz
set up.
If I wuzeut drunk that nite l had sum ov
the most material simtums that man ever
had and kept sober. In the first plase it wuz
about 80 rods from where drank the lager
beer to mi house and was jest over 2 hours
on the road, and hole busted thru each one
ov mi pantaloon neez didn't hav mi hat,
and tried to open the door by the bell.pu!l,
and hiccupped awfully, and saw everything
in the room trying to get round behind me,
and in sitting down On the cheer didn't
wait long enuff for it to get perzactly under
me and l sat down too soon and missed the
cheer by about IL inches, and couldent git
up soon enuff to take the next wun that came
along; and that amt awl, my wife sed wuz
az drunk az beest, and az sed be4 | BE-
gun to spin up things freely.
If lager bser amt Intoxicating it used me
most almighty mean, that | kno.
Still hardly think that lager beer IL in
toxicating, for hav bin told so; and | am
probably the only man livin who ever drank
emmy when his liver wuzent plumb.
1 don't want tu say ennything about a
harmless temperance bevridge, but if ever |
drink emmy more, it will be with mi hands
tied behind mi back and my mouth pried
open.
don't think lager beer IL intoxicating,
but if l remember rite, l think it tasted to
me like glass of sope suds that a pickle had
been to soke in.
ng- A Cleveland lawyer defending hand
some young lady charged with larceny, closed
his appeal to the jury thus: "Gentlemen
you may hang the ocean on a grapevine to
dry, lasso an avalanche. pin napkin to the
mouth of volcano, skim the clouds from
the sky with a teaspoon, throw salt on the
tail Of our noble American eagle, whose
sleepless eye watches over the welfare OF the
nation paste "For rent" on the moon and
stars; but never for a moment delude your
selves with the idea that this charming girl
is guilty of the charge preferred against her. -
The jury acquitted her without leaving their
seats.