Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-08-27
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A THOUGHTFUL HUsBAND.-An emf
nently respectable Republican whose wife
was imbued with Democratic tendencies,
managed to get around at his home in
New Haven about 4 clock Friday morn
ing in pleasantly oblivious condition.
"Where on earth have you been ?'' en-
uuired the fearful wife.
"Been celebrating, my dear been eel
'brating. Hancock 'slected, you know
Been celebrating"
''What have you got to do with it, any
way You are Republican. What are
you celebrating Hancock for ?"
'''Sall right, my dear; sail right, Pm
Republican. That's all right But you're
a Democrat, my dear, an don't know
where cry bar room are, an been Gel
'brating for you. Sail right. You'll do
'smuch for me some time
Teacher, (who is trying to explain the
meaning of repentance:) Suppose bad
boy were to steal an orange, and his good
mother should catch him with it, and
take him by the hand generally, and tell
him how wicked it was, and how very,
very grieved she was, don It you think that
little boy ought to feel sorrow? Sunday
school scholars: Yes-sum. Teacher
And why, Marmaduke? S. S.: Cause he
hadn't ct the er'age befo' his ma cotch him
and tuck it away from him.
When the Cory Press suspended pub
LEGATION it gave the citizens of the place
such an overhauling that there was some
talk of giving Mr.. Fenno, the proprietor,
a dose Of tar and feathers. The Union
City ''Times'' asked Mr.. Fenno concern
ing this and he made reply as follows: sit
may be that the people might break into
somebody's hen-roost and steal the feath-
ers, but they are too blamed stingy to buy
the tar
A green young man saw for the first
time schoolgirl going through some OF
her gymnastic exercises, for the amuse-
ment of the little ones at home. After
gazing at her with looks of interest and
commiseration for while, he asked boy
near by: HAS that gal got fts?n mo, .
replied the lad, contemporary. ''That's
gymnastics "Oh! IT'S hey?" replied
the verdanu. allow long has she had
EN-"
When the rich ironmonger B. was
elected Mayor of G. he requested one of
his friends to get up an orchestral concert
for him in frst-rate style. How will you
manage it 20 asked he. "Well, will en-
gage eight first violins, six seconds. .
''Stop," said the rich man, "none of your
second fiddles. have money enough, let
them all be frsts.''
Yes, daughter, you should go somewL ere
this summer. You cannot stay at home
during the warm weather and 1--we. To be
sure, your mother who hasn' been out OF
town since she was married, can stand it.
but then she is old fashioned and doesn It
know any better, and besides, she has fun
enough doing the washing and ironing
By all means, go. Get linen buster and
a basket and 60 at once.
"Be man or mouse,'' says an old
adage. This isn't fair; it doesn t give a
fellow show. for who wants to be a
mouse, and have every woman he ap-
proaches climbing up on chair, or jumr-
ing over the piano, and when be ism t
thinking about it, setting traps for him.
It's too one-sided, is that adage, and it
leaves a fellow no choice except to be a
man.
'sYes," said Jones, fundamentally
''my home is heaven on earth" 81 new
er knew anybody who was really in hur-
ry to enter heaven" was all that Robinson
answered; but it was noticed that Jones
started homeward an hour earlier that
night.
sThere are seventeen sculptors and
painters from the United States now re-
siding in Rome. y read Mrs. Bemis from
the newspaper. Him /" grunted Mr..
Bemis, "no wonder couldn't get pain
ter to white wash that shed.''
''Hole on dar, +" said colored man, hail
ing an acquaintance. -"Does yer cross de
street cherry time yer sees me ter Keep frum
pdylu UiG Ulll! INO OOtSll u. w udU
fur, den?o "Ter keep from bein' axed fur
it,
my what a steep hill And see those
ten or eleven wretches packed in one wag-
on that the poor, staggering horse can
hardly draw ~ "Wretcbes Them are
all Christians, mum, goin to the camp
meetin.'
=. II think III cut across the fleld.'' said
a city belle, who was visiting her country
cousin-'sthe wether permitting she
added as she observed a demonstratiye
sheep of the masculine persuasion
A pious little girl read composition be-
fore minister. The subject was, "a Cow
She Weayed in this complimentary SEN
tence: 1.-The cow is the most useful ami
NAL in the world except religion
He was from the mountain side and
was buying his first glass of soda. ..T
wish you'd skim off that skum. hose. 7
amt paying for no froth, you bet.''
It don't take much energy, but it doos
require a pair of loose pants for fellow
tn climb a tree and adjust picnic s,,;