Connecticut western news., 1880-06-02
WIT AND WISDOM.


 of an American lady.
 , Two HEADS are. better than one, but not on the same pin. E.s .tr
 BANANA skins would make good floor ing faT aSa eskatiAg $ qiaaa 4g gipk plEev say he died natural death.
 THERE are calumnies against which even innocence loses courage.
 HE WHO commits injustice is never made more wretched than he who suf- fers 1t. . .., .. l...e..tN;.,,g>s ~;
 A MAN should make it part of his re- hgion to see that his country is we'll governed. ...... ...-s <4Ss.s
 THE Yonkers Statesned'apresumes that air castles are built of sunbeams and hererafters. ...,.. " ..,,s
 THOSE who give not till they die, show that they would not then if they could keep it longer. ... ~. ....., .... ....,s
 As THE fre-fy only shines when on the wing, so it is with the human mind when at rest it darkens. .....
 SOME people put stockings on their hens to keep them from scratching, but better plan is to |" shoo" them. WHEN Daniel Webster said "there is always room at the top" he was not re- ferring to the advertising page of daily newspaper. '~,, a"-'s 'y'" sr<t r Ir IS A poor man who can't carry through life with him at least one rem edy for the sore throats he may meet on life's highway, %. ,...... 4s ...,.,s.,4t
 STARCH is said to be explosive. It causes explosions in the family when the head, of the family finds it has been left out of his collars. .,..., s..s t...'ls
 THE mule puzzle. .-Draw circle fif- teen feet in diameter, place amule in the centre and walk around him without get ting out of the circle. ..ss,, sts'+ A TAnKATrvE barber, about to cut gentleman's hair, asked him how he would. have it done. eff possible, in silence,' said the gentleman. SAYS Talmage: When hear that four angels are doing all theasinging for heaven III permit four people to do all the singing for my congregations" ONE of the Boston papers thinks that if Mary Anderson made $75, ,0Oo the last season those fellows who wanted to mar ry her were not such big fools after all.
 THEY say that there was time when Senator Sharon had only one shirt to his back, but that was in the days when they didn't destroy shirts by washing them. .....a.., ., ... ..,..,,,.-. ,.sl
 SOME of the most eminent .naturalists say that crabs do not. crawl backward, but the creatures are so constructed that they have that appearance when out for | a walk.
 Ills NAME is not "May-I-shoot-a-long- horned d-cow"-that is, if the King of Slams name is referred to. He-writes it in this way: "Mahah Chuta-long-korn Klow." D.. ~..'s'G .-'-..i ''-'.'i
 A LITTLE boy who accompanied his father to the theatre to see thepIay called "Drink, |" asked his parent if 1t was thus called because so many young men went out between the acts. 3',. s'.s.
 IF gentleman was to tell you You can count upon me, would it De prop CT the next time you meet him dressed in black to take piece of chalk and do 8 sum in arithmetic on his back?
 A SMALL knowledge of rnineralogy is indispensable for those who are to spend | the summer in Maine. Half of the per- sons who go thither will expect to stake off claim before they come back G A PROFESSOR of French in an Albany school recently asked a pupil what was the gender of academy. The unusually bright pupil responded that it depended on whether it was male or female acad emy. -.~ = .t -.~ '
 THERE are no auctioneers in Italy. Only one man in about 400 has anything that would be worth selling, anyway, and besides nobody will buy goods while they're able to steal, so an atfctioneer couldn't make a living in Italy.
 CLARENCE DAVIS, says the Detroit Free Press, got five years ine the peni- tentiary and 1000 fine for having three wives. Cannon, M. O., has four wives, gets two years in Congress and $5, 900 a year. Have we a privileged 'class in ] this country? ,.-,-,.
 SCENE, a country inn.-=-TOurists : :.' :.'Confound it, womanl Thera.s-a chick in this egg p Landlady: :,. tt.IWell, sir, you are lucky one Ina few weeks I could have had, half a crown for that fowl, and 'ere you get it for -twopence p And still he was not statistical, = q THANK God that George Washing ton was g rich man," .gasped the fat boarder, flushed and painting for breath as he emerged from, beneath the cover of the back stoop. "Why so ?, asked the landlady.. Because" answered the fat boarder, Che never, had to stoop to the humiliation of blacking his own boots. !"
 Before marriage: 1-,-..-
 neer could any lustre see, .- In eyes that would not look on me- l Q, neer saw nectar on 8 lip, " But where my lip did hope to sip. After marriage: a. a~o-. .- Plenty of lustre now I see, -o.. | In eyes that fairly flash at me.