The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-01-15
Souls.

most secret lnterStlceS OF the interiors OF
men, women and children without find
ing particle of soul, and the sevelest
chemical tests have been employed for
the same purpose, and with like re
suit. 1t is curious that they did not
remember that the soul vanishes at
death, and that to search corpse on
suspicion of having soul concealed
about it is as absurd as it is hopeless.
Had they explored living body they
might have had some chance of detect
ing SC ul-provided, of course, it was
not the body of a confirmed Positivist-
out there are undoubtedly difficulties of
detail in the way of exploring bodies
while they are in the possession of own
ers with ignorant prejndices against di j.
section. Nevertheless, success has at
last crowned the search for the soul,
and Prof. Dunstmaier, an eminent Ger
man philosopher, has actually secured
and bottled large quantity Of lniscel-
laneous souls.
Prof. Dunstmaier-who is o real
German, no matter how improbable it
may scents disciple Of another and
equally learned German, Prof. jaeger
The latter suggested some time since that
the soul is manifested by radiation, and
that though, in certain sense, it has
an existence and locality in that body,
lust as We may conceive that light has
an existence and locality in the candle
wick, it can be perceived only by the ra-
diation Of its particles. These particles
are recognized through q sense OF smell,
and we can, therefore, define the soul as
a perfume. All animals, according to
Prot. jaeger, have souls. The coarser
the soul, the more perceptible is its per-
fume. The soul OF a muskrat, for ex-
sample, is far coarser than the soul Of
man, and can be perceived with much
greater ease. This theory that the soul
lsaperfume;was doubted by Prof. Dunst-
maier, until he investigated it expert
mentally, but he is now the most ardent
uphoder of the jaeger theory and its
most brilliant demonstration.
1t was evident to Prof Dunstmaier's
mind that, in order to test the JAEGER
theory, he must frs, collect few souls.
He accordingly began with the souls Of
hares. Shutting up dozen or two
hares in wire cage, he called the at
tention of dog 10 them. For some
hours the dog was allowed to dance
around the cage and brighten the hares,
until it was judged that their perfume
had thoroughly impregnated his nose
He was then killed and the nerves of
his nasal organ were converted, with
the admiXture OF certain inert sub
stances, into a palatable medicine, which
according to Prof. jaeger, ought to have
contained pcrceptible quantity of
hare soul.
A similar course was pursued with
other animals, such as the horse, the OK
and the ass, dogs nose being always
used as soul receiver. Thus, in course
Of time, Prof. Dunstmaier became pos
sesse2 of fine collection OF souls of
strongly marked characteristics.
He next administered small doses of
souls to himself and carefully noted the
result. He found that when he took a
dose of hare soul he became excessively
,imid, and did not dare to come within
sound of Mrs. Dunstmaier s voice. Now
the chief moral characteristic of the
hare is timidity. and if its perfume pre-
duced tmidity in Prof Dunstmaier, the
conclusion that the perfume of the hare
was its soul is inevitable. Similarly, the
grains Of lions soul made the Professor
literally as bold as lion, and he relates
that while under its influence he
smoked pipe in his wife's room, and
that when the terrified servant told him
that Mrs. Dunstmaier was approaching,
he simply said: who's afraid ? Gimme
another match" This was certainly
strong evidence that the soul of the lion
was identical with the perfume gathered
by the nose Of the dog, and introduced
by means Of pills into the Professors
system.
When under the influence Of oxsoul,
Prof. Dunstmaier found that he was pa
tent, laborious, and enduring to an ex-
rent that was really marvellous. He
carried the pals Of water and scuttles Of
coal for Mrs Dunstmaier all day long,
and never murmured OF WINGED when
the broomstick smote him or the flying
s.ove.lid blackened and bruised his fore
head. The effect of An overdose OF ten
grains concentrated soul Of an ass,
which the Professor took by mistake, in