The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-28
Pulpit Signals.

The Rev. Mr.. Sanford of Sheboygan,
Invented a code of handkerchiefs. One
wave of tho handkerchief meant that he
wanted water. Holding one end of the
handkerchief in his teeth and the other in
his right hand meant "shake boy on the
right side of the church: and waving the
handkerchief three times around his head
was al order to the sexton to poke the fire.
The system was ingenious, but it did not
work for the sexton constantly misunder-
stood the signals, and the congregation as
sumed that the minister was engaged in a
Irritation with the soprano of the choir,
ana that the signals were made for her
benefit. The result was scandal and
an ecclesiastical trial, the remembrance of
which is doubtless still fresh in the readers
memory.
Then there was the Methodist minister of
Oshkosh, who agreed with his sexton that
whenever he exclaimed, "Oh, my, breth-
rel!' glass Of wattr should be brought to
him. This was for time quite successful,
but one day the minister exchanged pulpits q
with Bal tist friend without warning u. G
sexton that the Baptist knew nothing OF
the signal code. 1t so happened that the
Baptist preacher began seventy-three SEN
tences by actual count with the exclama-
ton, "oh, my brethren |" and every time
the sexton brought him glass of water.
VI course, this attracted attention, and ex-
cited the minister's indignation, who r. :
garded it as sarcasm on his denomina-
tional fondness for water. Still, it is
doubtful If he was ,sable for ,hro wing
the seventy third glass with its contents at
the head Of the sexton, and certainly bis
conduct III kicking the latter down the pu.
PIT stairs admits of no justification. Tho
sexton, OF course, felt himself outraged.
and ever afterwards refused to answer any
signal that was made to him from the mi.
pit.
The Rev. Mr.. earn, popular Prosby
terian minister, invented system of sig-
mailing his sexton which had very marked
merits. He caused q wire to be run from
the pulpit to the sections pew, where it
coarected with pair of leather-coated
iron clamps so constructed that when tho
wire was pulled the clamps would gently
pinch the sextonk's leg. The wire ran ul =
derneath the flooring of the meeting house,
ana the clamps were concealed under the
sexton's seat, 80 that no one except the
minister and the sexton was aware of the
existence Of the sacred telegraph. It was
found to work beautifully. When the min
lister wanted water, he pulled the wire
once. Two pulls, meant that he wanted
to srcak to the sexton, and three pulls
meant 'turn up the gas" The congrega-
ton wondered how it happened that the
service went so smoothly and that the sex.
ton always did the right thing at the righ,
time, but they were destined to make q
painful discovery of the true state of affairs.
On the last Sunday in June of this year
the sexton brought with him to the mornino
service his middle-aged maiden aunt, who
was paying him. brief visit and whose
heir he hoped to be. By some unexplained
accident he forgot oil about the signal wire,
and showed the aunt into the seat which ht
ordinarily occupied and was obliged tc
take another seat on tho opposite side of the
aisle. Directly behind the aunt sat Deacon
Brown, one of the pillars of the congrega
tion-an aged man of the most unblemishc(
character.
The minister had begun his sermon, arc
had just finished the exordium, when h,
felt thirsty and sgnaled for glass of water
10 his surprise, there wss no answer made
to the signal. Probably the maiden aun
was more surprised than was the minister
for as soon as she felt the soft pressure OF
the clamps, she started In great alarm, and
turning her head, gave the innocent Deacon
look of indignant virtue. The latter be
trayed no sign Of guilt, but continued t
gaze steadily at the pulpit with a peacolu
and happy expression of face. Present.,
the minister, thinking that the sexton mus
have failed to understand the signal, pullet
the wire again. The maiden aunt, with hi
cheeks glowing with rage, turned once MOI,
TO tho placid and unsuspecting Deacon an,
whispered flercely to him that che had bet
ter behave himself or she'd let him know. ,
The good man, thinking that poor luna
tic was in front of him, paid no attention
to her remark, and in few moments wa.
once more wrapped in the sermon. BY thi
time the minister, becoming extremely
thirsty, gave tho signal to the sexton t
como to the pulpit. What was his horro
to see, instead of the sexton, an infuriatet
maiden aunt rise to her feet and fall npor
Deacon Brown, with her umbrella and ar
evident purpose of extcrminating that in
offensive man.
VI course, the sexton rushed to the res
cue and dragged Ills aunt away. Thougl
the mystery of tho clamps was subsequent
ly explained to her, tho explanation onl,
turned her indignation from the Deacoi
to the minister, who, che said, ought to b.
ashamed of himself, and deserved to b,
tarred and feathered. The upshot of tn
affair was that the sacred telegraph was re-
moved, and the minister now preache
without water, and is completely cut Of
from his sexton during service.