davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
The Cucumber.

The cucumber is wonderful vegeta-
BILE and has found its way into the great
American heart, the stomach being the
medium, and although great many
persons suffer from eating them, yet they
never appear to lose their popularity. It
is vegetable which has q terrible
prejudice against some persons, and one
of them when once it gets hold on the
stomach will wrestle with man through
out an entire night, and otherwise enter
tain him with the most improved style
of cramps. There are two kinds of
cucumbers, one of them being noted for
its medicinal properties and its power to
pull the flesh from off the bones of
mortal.
It is very near relative of croton oil,
and when man once takes dose of it,
he ever afterward entertains deep.
seated hatred for the whole tribe. The
domestic species, however, does not act
in the same way, yet its treatment of
humanity is very often equally as pain
full. It has long since been considered
as indigestible, and when any one has
first-class cucumber nightmare, it is
very apt to destroy his faith in the use-
fulness of diet. The ssloke" once in q
thoughtless moment dined ON five very
large cucumbers, and that night Eve
fiery-eyed demons jumped on him, and
stuck their pitchforks into his form and
danced upon his breast and stomach in
high gIee. He tried to kick and cry out,
but it was useless; they had him like q
wise.
The next morning his frightened
friends found him curled up like a fish
hook, speechless from pain. Those Gu
cumbers were waging merciless war
and attacking from all points. They
marched around his stomach in platoons,
regiments and brigades, and became
complete masters of the field, and did no9
surrender an inch until the doctors and
half drug store came to the rescue, and
after terrible struggle of twenty-four
hours the ssloke's" knees were released
from his chin. The relief from the Gu
eumber pangs were heaven-like in its
sweetness, and he dropped off into
peaceful sleep, and dreamed that he was
a big cucumber and had a scheming
enemy who was always seeking his life
by devouring him alive.
He thought that one day his enemy
came along, and jerking him from the
very bosom of his family, deliberately
ate him, and after he reached that mans
stomach, he determined to sell his life as
dearly as possible. The first thing he
did he threw his enemy into spasm,
and rolled him out of bed and hauled
him over the floor. Then he twisted him
into the shape of a gimlet, and wound
him up like an apple-peel and jammed
his heels back of his ears and made him
groan, swear and curse.
Then he pitched him into the middle
of big convulsion and bounced him up
to the ceiling, and slammed him against
the wall until four men had to tie his
legs and send for a doctor, and about
the time he thought he had killed his
enemy the "loke" awoke and shuddered
to think how dreadful was cucumber
in its wrath.
The only harmless cucumber is the
picked one, which is much sought after
by boarding school girls and old maids,
bnt the world is advised to look upon
the cucumber when it is green, for it
hurteth the stomach like unto saw mill.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
knowledge In q Nutshell.

A pace is feet.
A cubit is feet.
A fathom is feet.
A palm is inches.
A league is miles.
A span is 10M inches.
A great cubit is II feet.
There are 2750 languages.
Oats, 33 pounds per bushe1.
Bran, 20 pounds per bushel.
Barley, 48 pounds per bushel.
A days journey is 35 miles.
Two persons die every second.
Sound moves 743 miles per hour.
A square mile contains GAO acres.
A storm blows SO miles per hour.
Slow rivers flow miles per hour.
Coarse salt, 85 pounds per bushel.
A tub of butter weighs 81 pounds.
Buckwheat, 50 pounds per buskel.
The average human life is 81 years.
A barrel of rice weighs 600 pounds.
An acre contains 1910 square yards.
A firkin of butter weighs Sc pounds.
A barrel of flower weighs 1876 pounds.
A barrel of pork weighs 200 pounds.
A hurricane moves 80 miles per hour.
A rifle ball moves 1000 miles per hour.
A hand (horse measure) is inches.
A rapid river flows Z. miles per hour.
Electricity moves 228,0OO miles per
hour.
The first luoifer match was made in
1929.
A mile is $3.50 feet, 17eo yards in
length.
The first horse railroad was built in
1867.
A moderate wind blows miles per
hour.
Gold was discovered in California in
1S4S.
Corn, rye and faxseed, Sc pounds per
bushel.
The first steamboat piled the Hudson
in 1907.
Wheat, beans and clover seed, 60
pounds per bushel.
The first use of locomotives in this
country was in 1929.
The first almanac was printed by Geo.
Won Purback in 1910.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
Trees as Weather Prophets.

1t IS matter OF common observance,
says the Oswego IN. Y. Times, that
trees and their branches fall during the
prevalence of storms and from perfectly
obvious reasons. But close observers
among those familiar with the woods,
will tell you that oftentimes these things
occur just before severe storm, and are
the sign or forerunner OF its approach.
The phenomenon was witnessed by a
farmer of Oswego town, while on his
way last Sunday to attend divine service
served large limb break and fall off
from tree by the roadside. There
was no wind stirring at the
time, and no apparent cause for the phe-
nomenon. He says he made up his mind
that severe storm was close at hand.
He recalled the circumstances at Hanni-
bal year ago, during the camp-meeting
service, when large beech tree fell
upon the camp-meeting tent, at a time
when, happily, the congregation was out
side, and only small child was in the
tent asleep. The child w&s not only not
injured, but not even awakened. There
was no wind at the time, in fact, the at
mosphere was unusually still. There
was no apparent cause for the fall of the
tree; but heavy storm followed shortly
after, as Mondays storm succeeded the
intense heat and quiet of the day before.
The falling of the tree and the apparent
almost miraculous escape of the congre-
cation were the occasion of much specu-
lation, and the incident was quickly
seized and forcibly used by the exhorter
to illustrate the protecting care of
heaven. The farmer of whom we speak
also says that for many years he has OBJ
served similar incidents of falling limbs
and trees in the stiffness which SO gener-
ally precedes great storms OF rain or
wind. The relater is more than ordina-
rily close observer of things.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

mai Emission, Aversion to Society, Dimness O.
Vision Noises in the head. the vital fluid
passirg unobserved In the urine, and many
other diseases that lead TO In sanity and Geath.
DIR MINTIE viii agree to forfeit Five
Hundred Dollars for a case Of this kind the
YIaAL EEsl o sAYsS b. (under his special
aavice and freatmentJ will not cure, or foF
anything impure or Injurious found in 1t.
Dfs ~ iNrzk treats all Private Diseases sus~
cessfully without mercury. COasultataOn
Free Thorough examination aud advice: In.
cIudipg analysis OF urine, 80 %. PRICE of Vital
WesSyTsaie O. So 90 per bottIr, or four times
The quantity for $40 co.; sent TO any address
rr, receipt of price or C. q. D., secure from OBJ.
servation, and In private name u deslred, by
A. e MINT1E, n. ID.
IK Kearny streef, SAN EraociseO, Gal.
nE H1gETIE'S KIDNEY REMEDY,
AErRE EskCg ~. cures ali kinds of Kidney
ard Bladder Complaints. Gonorrhcaa, elect.
Leucorrhoea For sale By all druggists; 81 90
boz tie; six bottles for So Gu.
DIX. MIETIE.S DANDELION PILLS
are the best and cheapest DYSPEPSIA and
BTLf<,US cure In the market. For sale by all
Eao DGE, DAVIS 4 CO. Portlaad. Or.
Wholesale Agents. marl16
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
A WORD to our Re.ders,

When you read of remedy that will cure all
diseases beware of it; but when you read of a
pure vegetable compound which claims to cure
only certain parts of the body, and furnishes
high proof that it does this, you can safely try
it, and with the assurance that it will help you.
This is just what Warmers Safe Kidney and
Liver Cure does. It cures all troubles of the
lower portion of the body and none others. 1t
will not help the tooth-ache. ear-ache, nor con-
sumption, but it will put your body in vigorous
and healthy state where you can enjoy life and
appreciate its good things Try it.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

How TO CAN CoRN.-In order to can
corn, says the Country Gentleman, boil
the corn on the ear few minutes; then
cut the corn off the ears while as hot as
you can; put the corn into the cans at
once; have the can almost full. say with
In three-fourths of an inch of the top:
then fill the can up with boiling water,
and haye the can so1dered and put into
kettle of hot water, and let it boil in
the water Tor Six hours. In every six
quarts OF corn take one ounce of tartaric
ecid, dissolved in boiling water. Gut
the corn from the cob and put into a
sufficient quantity of water to cook
When the corn is smoking put the acid
IN. When done, seal air tight in tin cans
or glass jars. To prepare for the table,
pour off the sour water and save it; put
In enough fresh water to cook it; for
every quart OF corn add one teaspoonful
of soda; let it stand few minutes be-
fore cooking. While cooking put in a
teaspoonful of sugar. If the corn turns
yellow there is too much soda; pour
back some of the sour water until it
turns white again. When nearly done,
season with salt, cream and butter, same
as fresh corn. Dissolve one and quar-
ter ounces of tartaric acid in one-half
pint of water; cut the corn from the cob
and cook it properly; when cooked, add
two tablespoonfuls of the acid solution
to every quart of corn; can and seal Sc
curely and set in q acool, dry place. When
wanted for use, stir half teaspoonful |
OF soda into two quarts of corn, and let |
it stand three hours before cooking. /
This removes all acid from the corn.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
Change or Location.

Mr.. J. B. Knapp, the commission mer-
chant, has been compelled to change his
location in order to accommodate his
growing patronage, and has accordingly
located at No. 267 First street, in fine
brick store, where he has ample storage
for his customers. Mr.. Knapp is build
ing up splendid reputation as a busi-
ness man, and We are glad to chronicle
his prosperity.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
The Great English Remedy

Is a never-failipg Cure
for Nervous Debility
Exhausted Vitality.
Seminal Weakness.
Spermatorrhea, LOST
MANHOOD. Impo~
tency. Paralysis. and
ali tre terrible effects
of Self Abuse, youth
ful foilies, and excess
ses in maturer ye rs
such as Loss of Mem.
ory,Lassitude. Nocttir-
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

That Warren's Music House, 90 Morrison street
near the Postofice, Portland, Or, has everything
in the musical line at reasonable prices A large
stock of sheet music, books, pianos, musical mer-
chandse, band and orchestra music always on
hand Mr. Warren buys every thing direct from
Eastern houses, and afford to sell cheaper
than any store in Oregon. Send for catalogue
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
BLYMYER BELLS,
For Churches, Schools End Fire Alarm
ssr.yEa MEDAs,

Awarded by the Mechanies' Institute mt San
Francisco, g ptem Der. 1880. Read what the
Jurors say of mem In their Report:
"These heIis are made Of patented cnnf-
posite metal, partly of steel. and unlike that
in any other bells used. The highest enconf-
una are passed upon. them for their Gle A r.
NESS, BEAUTY and VOLUME OF SOUNDS;
and it .s said they can be furnished for less
than HALF THE COST OF those made from
bell metal"
r<end for Illustrated catalogue to the General
Agents for the Pacific Coast, LINFOkTH RICE
4 CO., s2e and ~ Market, Ian Francisco, Cal.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

It is made from a Simple Tropical Lear of Rare
yalue and is POSITIVE Remedy for all the dis
that pains in the lower part OF the body
for Torpid Liver-Headaches- u aIndice = Dizziness,
Gravel Malaria and all the difficulties of the Kidneys
Liver and Urinary Organs. For Female Diseases,
Monthly Menstruations, and during pregnancy has
equal 1t restores the organs that MAKE the blood
known remedy that cures Brght's Disease For Dia-
betes, use Warmers Safe Diabetes Cure.
For Sale by Druggists and all Dealers at 81 S5 per
bottle. Largest bottle in the market Try 1t.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

Every man has his own reputation to
make, and that il why 20 many men make
such poor ones.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22
REM EM BER

My life was saved by Warmers Safe Kidney
nd Liver Cure.-E B. Lakely, Selma, Ala.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

Tt seems that Vienna Is exporting large
numbers of false turquoises closely re-
sembling genuine ones. The backs of
every specimen are picked out, and the
holes filed with black cement to
initiate the matrix of La Vieille Roche.
The spurious are little lighter than the
real turquoises, but the specific gravity
test is not to be altogether relied upon.
An expert in gems advises purchasers to
scrape off the matrix, and if the speci-
will be revealed.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-22

The unclean prOcess OF putting oil on
hair, it is a pleasure to know has been
abandoned. There is always in the-hair
natural oil enough. which can be brought
out by much brushing with stiff brush,
and shampooing keeps the scalp clean and
prevents the accumulation of dandruff,
whicn by the way, is said to be increased
by fine combs.
A liberal reward will be paid at this
Office for lady who has been at water
ing place this summer and not .sjotted
down few impressions" which shs
would not refuse to have published.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-29

70 FOLLOW BLAINE's reasoning in New
Jersey, HANCOCK has forgotten Gettys-
burg, he has turned traitor to the lnion,
has spit upon the Constitution; he Will
make BAYAED Secretary oil the Treasury
to demonetize silver, and make paper
money out Of the leaves OF the trees he
will make SIEGEL or some Union general
Secretary OF War to spike all the cannon;
ne will make I~IENDRICE's Secretary ct
the Interior. so that no wheat shall be
prown in the country, nor sheep shorn,
nor women bear BOYS for soldiers. He
will make PLAIsTED Secretary oil the
Navy. - that Maine shall raise no pine
trees ior Il men.of.war shipping, and
that our immense commerce snail be
lone on foreign bottoms las it has been
done these last twenty years. he may
make JERRY BLACK Attorney General.
to write all his war orders; and he will
appoint his most intimate bosom friend
Secretary OF State to negotiate with
foreign countries to recognize the indie
pendence OF the South, and then he
will pay their war debts, and settle all
their damages, and then, with TnUEMNN
ON the bench, this will be all Democratic
and Constitutional. This is the Maine
arrument. 1t belongs now to a som6-
thing less than one half of Maine, and
lis father is JAMES G.. BLAINE.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-29
raE VERY Rest PROMISE.

The very best fruit OF the election OF
Gen. HAycocS 70 the Presidency will be
reform in the civil service.
Civil service reform Will not be an
empty promise without performance;
not a mere plank in a party platform to
DE forgotten after the election; there lsa
growing confidence all over the country
that this reform will begin on the very
lay Of uANcocE's Inauguration.
And what assurance is there OF this
reform?
L. Gen HNvCoCE is himself the per-
sonifcation OF heightened, interrupted
AMI incorruptible craftsmanship.
For three or four months past the
blaz, OF a searching public scrutiny has
been turned full upon him. The ex.
pericnced statesmen oj the Republican
party, who are familiar with every step
of his public lie, have dared utter no
word preiud;cial to his career rs a man,
a patriot and a soldier. The ;errets OF
the press, with practiced eye and fertile
resources, have discovered no single
flaw IN his public or private life.
Is there a man in all this broad land
who could stand the test OF 4 public
scrutiny such IA that to which General
HANCOCK has been subjected, and come
out whole. without even the slightest
odor OF corruption ciinging to him?
Could corruption or the abuse OF OIL
cial power find any ioothold in an adj
miuistration where the central figure
| furnished in his own lie and character
a rebuEe So whitening rs that Of the
/ simple presence OF General HANcoCE.
=. Gen. HANCoCK's peculiar education
and trainin. would render 4 clean, eX-
act and well ordered administration OF
the government, q necessity to his lie.
Corruption would not dare .ooS him
in the iace.
lie would be Il JAC;sOSIAS President.
No man, no party would move him to
ADOPT or Yield t measures not IN har-
m1nv with the spirit OF the laws and OF
cool government.
lie would be President OF the whole
country. The whole country would
recognize him asama worthy to occupy
the position, All parties would respect
him. The best government the sun
rvcrsuone upon would have the cleanest
head and the most answering patriot
that has occupied the executive chair
since Washington.
/, is such considerations that are
drawn, the nop-parusan, independent
voter, and turning the whole political
tide to the support OF the Democratic
ticket. HANCOCK is 70 them not only 4
promis,. but a personiGcat;on OF civil
service reform.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-29
~sTEUBENVILLE MEETING.

The officers of the Democratic Coun-
" Committees of Jefferson county,
Ohio, extend, through the REGISTER, a
cordial invitation to the various HAM
COCK and HyGLIsu clubs OF Wheeling to
attend their mass meeting on Saturday
next. They expect to have both oil
Ohio's distinguished Senator'S, THURMAN
and P~ENDLEroy, and the eloquent DAN.
DoUGHERrY, Esq, Of Philadelphia, 10
address them. An imposing parade
will take place at 1890 O'Clock A. NJ,
and the speaking will occupy the after
noon and evening. Arrangements have
been made with the railroads centering
in the city for excursion rates.
Twill no doubt be a pleasant and
profitable occasion TO those who car go
up and take part in the exercises, and
we shall be glad to see Wheeling well
represented.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-29
TONIGHT AND TOMORROW
NIGHT.

Hon. W. l.. WILSON, Democratic can
didate Tor elector in this State, will ad-
dress the people on the political issues
at the Academy of Music tonight. Let
all who wish to hear a stirring speech
turn out tonight.
Tomorrow night the distinguished
orator and Tammany chief, w. H.
OrrycY. OF New York, will deliver an
address at the same place. 1t is not
proposed to herald either OF these gen
t,cmen with torches and noise and par
adc. but the spceche. will be made theiea'
lurrs OF the occasions, and We are as
surcd, from the reputation OF these gen
tcmen, that they will be entertaining
and profitable.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-29
BBAINE

Sap.tor BLAINE delivered himself OF
his campaign capital, yesterday, to a
Wheeling audience. He had a lair day,
a big crowd and all the time he wanted
IN make his case. But looking at the
audience and listening TO the speaker
We could not discover that there was
ANYTHING unusually impressive IN the
occasion. There is a peculiarly about
a Republican stump speech in this cam
uaign that attaches TO all alike, whether
the gun which discharges it is a big gun
or a little gun. Ii has a certain rebound
about il like that Of throwing a gum ball
against a wall, which comes back to the
hand which hurled it. So the arguments
which a Republican speaker hurts at
an a audience seem TO return to him. IL
is kicking against the pricks. 1t Is
conflict with terrible odds. The Demo-
Gratis have the arguments. The sub
s~tantial reasons are with them. Their
opponents are already whipped and
seem troubled with their own cOnvlc-
tons.
BLAINE. ike the rest OF them, has
evidently lost his head. lie is chosen
OF the gods Tor destruction. lie is mad.
The Maine election does not appear TO
have soberel him. 1t has made him
bitter and spiteiul and ~peevish. lie
SAYS hard things to vent his spleen; he
runs into rash assertions which do not
become him. He needs to COL off; TO
retire to some mineral spring in a
secluded resort and quiet his nerves,
and relieve his liver OF q surplus oil bile.
Much OF his speech was mere trash,
stuff. nonsense. Ii was no better than
the stuf STURGIss has been rehashing to
the people in the back counties. lie
wanted West Virginia to jump into that
Republican car OF progresS-the same,
perhaps, that STURGIss has been telling
Ms about. He wants to relegate West
Virsinia 10 the condition OF his own
State of Maine, which has been
advancing in population only at
the rate OF 3 per cent, while
we have been gaining 80 per cent.
He d~eprecates II uearness to anu u
political congeniality with the solid
south. He imagines that We are ignor-
ant; that We don't read; that our peo'
ple are to be stuffed with the ilims!est
kind o. political claP-;rap.
BLAINE came to " Wheeling direct from
Philadelphia, where he met with 4
mos, u~E.racious reception. The cheer.
ing Tor HAxcoCE and the puzzling III
~terrogatodes from the crowd, about
Maine. determined him to abandon the
effort to speak and he quit in disgust,
This probably added to ms i'll humor
yesterday.
But BLAINE gave up the race when
his own State went back or him, He
declared that III D1ris * d.j,lici, Hca-
r,cl rT b, Ne, ps,i PrSijs0'.' And
BLAINE has experienced too many po-
Iitical defeats not to know the "critter'
when it pops its heal up in the dis
fanrp