The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-02-26
PASSING SMILES.
BEFORE the war "-courting.

ACJAlN9. J1A1AAnSsas 3 :.
"BEFoRE the war r"-courting.
Down in the mouth-back teeth
A MIsFITTING coat is a lie out of the
whole cloth. M sS.@g = -. s
A PETRIEIED body indicates that the
man is stone dead. sssss s75s.g
81 THINK I'll take something" as the
The best place to have boil-in the
tea kettle. 1t is easily drawn. is
A 7MIsS-UNDERsT - when a
young lady comprehends, of course.
"I TUMBLE to the wreck it, as the
high wind said to the prairie hut. 5sT
/ WHERE there's will there's a way;
and where there's won't there's a
woman behind it.. ,-s .. 8, s..ss t,esa
PROBLEM in logic: If God made the
country and man made the town, who
made New Jersey? ,s a.ep a. -
DEATH may love shining mark, but
the bald-headed live about as long as
anybody. ..s.., Ia ,..... 49,,
BREvITy is the soul of wit, but it has
to be stretched out good deal some
times to get enough for the uppers. sea
"DEATH loves shining mark" which
is perhaps the reason why dead mack
eral shines on moonlight night. s.,..1.a.
A MAN once asked of Echo, what
shall do if my wife drinks liquor7"
and the unfeeling nymph answered.
click her" s1i - 81 s" =
AN infamous old bachelor being asked
if he ever witnessed q public execution
replied, /" No, but once saw a mar
riage." si.r.sa essfs ~ ~ 3sssai
"TENNYsoN spends hours on single
| line.' And so. by the way, does the
washerweman. And the line of the lat
| ter is the longest.
If big head denotes ability, it is an
interesting sight to observe what show
ing of ability this town puts forth every
Monday morning. a. ss.E ss,sl.4E
THE plethoric paste pot of an editor
who clips more than he writes, is ike his
paper-seldom filled with live mat
| HackensacE Republican. Experience
| teacheth. ...,..as.4 esfss. ,,as
| A WITNESS in court was asked it a
party to tne suit was truthful
man. sNo;" he answered. She d rather
lie at sixty days than tell the truth for
cash" 4 ~ sssliai as}4esaz.s
| SCIENCE has demonstrated tire and
| time again that man cannot live by bread
alone and that's the reason why 30 many
| fellows 90 off and spend their money for
beer. - seeaa - ~ss
| WILLIAM WATKINS, of Madison, re-
| NAMED a bachelor until he was fifty
seven years aold, when he married the
other day. The local papers whooped
| out the headline, Another old land
mark gone.
GREAT men do not consider them
selves above everybody else; tits those
ignorant little runts who wear standup
collars and sport canes, and who refuse
TO paw their washing bills, that think
everyone beneath them. ss~-...'e
| No other incident can call to a mans
| face such an idiotic expression OF as
sumed unconsciousness as the accidental
fall of bottle of whiskey from his
pocket to the sidewalk on Sunday at
ternoon. sssssss1
WHO wouldn't be sailor2 All you
have to do is yell "aye, aye, sir" at the
top of your voice about once in ten min
utes. The rest of the time you can look
over the ships stern and watch the
sharks. f-t ,f-s4
'ts-@ HE saw a carpet hanging out -
i Upon the ciothes-lfne in the rear lzAH
/ OF that fine mansion and he thought: a.
| -, ;. The folks are out, the coz cGa,; is eiear'
He did, and making no delay,
/ Adown the alley. in the dusk, saa -a
/ The carpet-bagger tramped away.
-She-"Are you engaged
for the next Germanf" He(with eager
| ness)-ssNo, Pm not" She (with PITY
"Oh, that's too badl Good evening. zee
you LATER" s-ess.. .sszr,. lsf.sg
THE bar-keeper. had made ready for
him, and when the man came in who
never paid for his drinks and called Tor
cacktail, the b. K. gently placed
smiled piratical smile that made his
face look like dried prune., sss;a,fF
!, MAN wants but little ear, below, nor
wants that. little long. Man wants but
little ear bologna, wants that little long.
Man wants but little leer; wants but
litter here below; wants but little Leah
below; wants but Little here below;
wants but little ear blow, etc. ....s.Tg
"JoHN, what odor is thst2 a,t % Gloves Gloves
IoyG y beloved 3s saas isn't isnt there anotSer
Eyes, apples, belovedest." just one
s'Well, John, if you'd only drink Just
ilUtlc DIduuy, AOWl bAAAn yoAes "o>>A~
4 make good mince pie"
THIS being leap-year, a boarder at an
uptown amateur hotel thought it fine
fun to put bent pin on each vacant
chair, until one agile feeder leaped up
four feet into the air and came down
with his great unwashed hand in the
only bowl of hash in the mouse. There
was famine until supper time. Z it7
THE dull-eyed donkey droops his head,
Wrapped in himself,
With patent perspictIity, .H Z ssa.&
And meekly follows where he's led :
The cunning elf
, But, when his heels begin to shed, i
His latent assiduity .s7,
, | ,,.s... - --Haekensaek Republicans,
els there any mail for mew she said
to handsome Ike.
"Certainly," said ne.
"Where % said she. 8aia g s9
Here" said he, with open arms.
"That's my funeral" sang the maid.
Friends are invited to attend without
further notice. So much for what the
maid made by getting the male mail.
| "To be plane with you," said the car.
, penter, "I see no shaving in the scheme"
"You don't ?" calculated the cooper,
, "why, it adze largely to my income"
t SIS that awl?" added the shoemaker.
"No," answered printer, off he'll stick
, to it, he'll form an idea of what it is 10
rule" "Pshaw," exclaimed the bank
} cashier, 'these are only figures of speech I;