The Osceola times., 1880-04-24
Driving "a Hen.
Kate Thorn in Chicago Ledger.


Did you ever undertake to drive E
hen anywhere If not, then never say,
"Where there's a will there's way, or
"All things are possible TO him who per-
severes," because you don't know any
thing about it.
Driving hen properly, and decorous-
ly, and successfully, requires more skill
than capturing herd of buffalo.
The hen you want to drive is always a
strong minded hen. If she had been a
woman she would have wanted the bal
lot long ago, and her husband would
have had to keep quiet when she 'got
set" on anything. But, being only
hen, all she can do is to cackle, and be
contrary, ana thwart you at every turn.
If you want her to go IN somewhere,
she'll be sure to want to 90 out, and rice
versa. You want to drive her most when
she gets out of the coop, and gets into
your garden, to the total destruction Of
your pet bulbs and roots and seeds and
everything else. One smart, active hen
will do more harm in garden in one
hour than cow would do in half day.
A hen is born with the instinct to get
at the root of the matter, and she follows
out her nature.
When your hen gets out of confne-
ment she makes straight for your choic-
est flower bed, and she stays there for
an hour before you discover her. By
that time she has dug out everything
that YOU cared about, and has buried
herseh up all but her head, and then she
lies there in the sun with happiness and
triumph IN her speaking countenance.
How mad you are! You feel as If you
could sever her JOINTS and make her
into ot.pie with will-no matter II
she is one of trio that cost $40.
You go for her with energy, and
scream out "shoo" to her, and flourish
your apron, and make wild gestures in
her direction. and call your husband,
and the children, and the hired help, to
help drive her into her quarters.
Now, it is never any use to call a man
to help drive hen. We are willing TO
admit lat the lords of creation can do
quantities of things that the weaker ser
cannot, but there is one thing that man
can never do, and that is to drive hen.
He'll break the rake-handle, and get
hung in the clothes line, and lose hrs
hat, and fall down over the croquet
wickets, and burst off two or three of his
suspender buttons. and the hen will fly
up on top of the barn, or take refuge in
the tallest tree on the premises and
there she will stay and laugh at him till
she Is ready to come down. And all the
men in creation cannot drive her down,
for she knows that she has got things her
own way.
Your hen that you are going to drive
generally cackles all the time that You
are trying to drive her. 1t gives her
courage, perhaps, to defy yon. 1t is like
the music Of martial band when the
troops are marching into battle. 1t is as
inspirating as the strains Of yankee
Doodle" to the hens ear. You try gen.
tleness first.
"Shoo, biddy! shoe, biddyl shoo
there" and she plunges of in the di-
rection contrary to the one you wish her
TO go in; and then you draw off your
forces and execute flank movement,
and pen her up, but, prestol just as you
think you have got her, she squats and
gives a scoOt right out under your skirts,
and away she goes free as air. Then
you get some corn and try to bribe her
Oh, no, she doesn't want any corn, thank
you. She is above bribery. She doesn't
take any stock in your 'chicky! chicky
chickyw delivered in your most cajoling
of voices. Still she cackles. All the
roosters cackle too, evidently uckled
with her spunk. A few hens who are
not curious join in. All the neighbors
will be looking out to see what on earth
you are make them hens screech SO for"
Your husband gets pole, and makes
a dive for that hen. He'll fix her cacklc
for her! he says; she'll 60 into that hen
house, or he'll know the reason
And by the time he has chased her
all over the premises, and torn his pants.
and knocked piece of skin off his hand,
and run over little Charley, he does tind
out the reason. 1t is because she is not
of mind TO 90 into that hen house.
And he says that hens are nuisance,
and that he'll kill the whole of EN-, and
he wishes there had never been one in
vented.
BY this time you are tired of his help,
and you request him to go away and
you'll drive that hen in.