The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Weather profts-The high rates OF coal.
loves motto-Eplurbus yum yum.
A stump tale-Story Of a political orator
campaign.
When the moon gets full it keeps late hours
Ne.c Orleans Picayue.
Did YOUR turkey set wells-Er Turkeys don
set at all this time o. year, you stupid,
Stealing a march, ia fact several OF them
robbng a music store.-Bdltimore Every SATURDAY
Bob Ingersel wants a foreign mission. -Er
There is one waiting for him and when ne goe
he'd better take a fan along.
They have Sarah Bernhard kind Of an insti
tuition adjoining Elgin, which the authorized
are irving to clean out.-RokJord Journal.
A goose aud goose bone can prognosticat'
about the weather equally well, 1t is believed
Boston Transcript.
Somebody writes in Ha,per's Mont'.ly poem
about "The Broken Bars" 1t doesn't state tina
they kept states, but we presume they did.
It's said that one half OF the world doesn'
know what the other half drinks, though 1t il
believed that they stake the same" when brought
before the bar.
The Detroit Free Press says Kelly elected Gar
field. This statement is like Chicago giris
foot. 1t covers the whole ground. BoS'o"
Transcript.
Chicago grocer sells soap, every tenth cake
of which contains in its center agold dollar ana
the citizens of Chicago are getting to look toicr
ably clean.-Free Press.
If the New York Times is very anxious to pen
sion presidents, it might devote the incom'
plete sum II has on hand to helping some OF the
poor old broken ex.bank presidents, like Is. f.
Allen, Spencer etc.
Styx, Of the Lockport Pleair, is republican
enough to know the truth when he says, "All
men at their birth and as long as they maintain
their purity and innocence are democrats, but as
they grow up sin takes hold and they become re-
publicans, and the longer they live the more
republican they grow"
James Wyatt, Of course, took no part in the
connection of this cpitaph upon his own tomb
stone:
"At rest beneath this church yard stone,
Lies stingy Jenny Wyatt;
He died this morning just at ten,
And saved dinner by it,"
"Are you any relation to my sister" He
bushcd and stammered until the young lady,
taking pity on him, solved the matter by saying
NO, but he'd like to be, wouldn't you, Alfredo
Cards will soon be out.
nan in prayer meeting at Great Springs,
Ca declared that he was ready to die, and
awaited the summons with impotence. He had
barely uttered the sentiment when bullet
crashed through the window and grezed his
ear A neighbor, whom he had sued for debt,
had taken him ut his word. He hastily hid in
great terror under bench.
The New York Sun illustrates the danger OF
getting married by the following singular rela-
ton:
William Million, resident OF Henderson street,
Jersey City, went cunning yesterday morning
with some friends. For some reason he looked
into the barrel OF his gun The weapon exploded
and blew his head off. He was married.
Her lips were like the leaves, he said,
BY autumn's crimson tinted
Some people autumn leaves preserve
BY pressing them, she limited;
The meaning Of the gentle hint
The lover did discern,
And so lie clasped her round the neck
And glued his lips to her'n
This IS the way young lady Sabbath school
teacher in New England town exhorted her
class Of boys; Now, children, if you'll be good
children, read your Bible, say your prayers, 20 to
church, and never say naughty wordsworth go
to heaven, and that will be perfectly splendid.
Buf il you are not good children, If you don't
read yoar Bible and say your prayers and 90 to
church, and if you do say naughty words, you'll
go to hell, and that will be perfectly ridiculous"
The Rev. Mr.. Hoffman, OF Bloomington, enter
tanned his congregation last Sunday evening
with a sermon against Sara Bernhard "What
race" sad he "but the French would applaud
almost defy 4 courtezanT As Brother Hoffman,
it is said, went through pretty severe church
trial few years ago for being too intimate with
sister OF the Sara Bernhard sort he probably
knows how il is himself
AN INCIDENT.
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