The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-04-11
CURRENT HUMOR.

CURRENT HUMOR.
Leadville walters don't talk back. They
iust sail Ia and tear the clothes off the man
who whistles to the hash.
Lord Lorne is to send his mother-in-law
some Canadian paintings. Queer that men
always hate their mothers-!n.law.
Cincinnati lovers don't say. my sweet lit
tie rosebud or "my own darling sugar
plum" but It's ''you sweet little ham,"
A new spring bonnet Is called "Nlhllist." A
elbow up at the breakfast table Ia antlci-
psted when the husband sees the bill for It,.
We are told that "Gen. Sherman was al
ways coolest when on the point Of attack"
Most people are hottest when on the point OF
u tack.
When q Cincinnati critic says that sing
ers efforts sound like the noise made by man
beating gong In o deep well, they call 1t
| harsh criticism.
| 1t Ia called drop curtain because when 1t
| goes down the boys go out for drop OF some
thing. a custom handed down from the days
OF Shakespeare.
asked a good woman II she had opportu-
mites Of hearing q good sermon. "No," she
replied, "our only religious privileges con-
| sist OF occasional funerals"
Private theatricals, to be excusable, ought
| to be kept strictly private. Our definition
evssy IL the Of ye bs
| Puck.
When we tell any fish stories this season
we shall have the fish to prove them. We've
contracted with the owner OF trout. breeding
works to furnish the proof OF anything we
may say.
| Fish poles are now made to resemble walk
| ing canes and when the Lords prayer Ia en-
graved on the plate on the head q Sunday
| flsherman's conscience is greatly relieved
| Detroit Free Press.
"Zephaniah," said his wife, with chilling
severity, / saw you coming out OF q saloon
this afternoon" well, my darling replied
the heartless man, you wouldn't have your
husband staying In a saloon all day, would
your"
Two lovers agreed to commit suicide and
| then neither did It, and they met while each
one was inquiring about the death OF the
other, and when they saw how sensible each
was they went and got married In less than
| no time.
| bold, bad man In Kokomo recently broke
| up church sociable at which conundrums
were being given by asking why women were
| like flowers, and then, after everybody had
given It up, replying that they shut up when
| they sleep.
| sere. .aded her with flute She said she got
| all the fluting she wanted In her regular busi-
ness.- -Cincinnati Saturday Night. II she
went on that principle, why did she get ruff
He'd 1aWcoD STRAUSS.
A Western girl writes that she hates en-
receiving any attention from other gentle
men," Bah! Makes her all the more at
tractive. Half the fun is In getting a girl
away from some other fellow.
A young New Yorker was introduced to a
Boston girl, and before they were acquainted
called him an asterolepsis, a Silurlan placoid
and cartilaginous vertebrate. He returned
to New York by the midnight train.
Carl Schurz has lot OF his Indians loafing
about Washington, and the young men who
have been inveigled into undertaker's shops
braves standing In the doorway, want Carl
to label them mot wooden" or expect to lose
friends.
A Worcester lawyer got his pretty lady cli-
ent TO weep In the presence Of the jury, and
thought he had dead sure thing, but the
counsel on the other side told the court that
the State was bound to furnish those twelve
gentlemen all the liquor they could drink, and
won the case.
An Indiana girl who sued for breach of
promise found all her love letters confronting
her In court, and rather than have the jury
know that she spelled IL "mairy" for marry,
"harte" for heart, and maple" for happy, she
Withdrew the suit. Young man, see that
point? Save your love letters
The philadelphia American asks: "Do you
not look back into the dim vista of bygone
years with feeling Of regret at wasted op-
portuntties that causes Juggling at the
heart-strings?" Do you mean, finding too
late that your wife is gone away to stay ali
night, and that you might have stayed out
with them as we'll as not.
A pretty anecdote is told of little girl to
whom the unseen world Ia very real "Where
does God live, mamma ?" she asked one even
Ing after saying her prayers. "Ee lives In
heaven m 6nar q al al ri ty NH
streets are paved with gold" son, yes, I
know that, mamma she said with great SOL
e6inity, but what's his NUMBER"
'e tied his dollar bill to a grlndstone, and
sett afioat. and went down below the curve
t wait till 1t noated down the river And the
oil tramp who came along just then, patted
him on the head, and said he was u smart
boy. Would l had known at your age as
much as you dol" he said; 81 put my money
In mining shares In Wall street. [Puck.