The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-03-05
COMICALITIEs.


WHATEVER military man may think
of his uniform he plumes himself on his
hat.
The almanac is never complete. The
new one always begins where the last one
left off.
A MATCH loses it's head when il comes
to the scratch. - Hartford Sunday
Journal.
THE person who retires with the sun
must have warm fellow. dorchester
Express.
WHEN the farmer puts porcelain egg
under the hen, is he setting good egg
sample?
A MILLIONAIRE with boil is not bit
happier than II beggar in the same pre-
dIcament.
How's the Florida cigar crop this
year? That's the Key West-ion.-LOw-
ell Courier.
LEARNING to carry muf' gracefully
is easy enough. Those WHO try it soon
get their hands i'll.
Is body-snatcher like boil on the
neck because he's Il neck's hunor p
Whcetiug Leader.
Stick to those who stand by you, and
never go back on red-hot stove.-NeW
Orleans PicaytHae.
RULE for q man who would purchase a
good watch-by its works you shall know
Utica Observer.
IT was the Irish horse doctor that sent
in bill, "for curing your HonOr's horse
that died, 6 shillings,"
You've man, you had better have your
hand in a sling than sling in your
hand.-BostOa Transcript.
"MAMsiA, what are twins made for ?"
Her precocious BROTHER replied. $50
that cannibals may cat philopoenas."
SAYS Josh Billings: eff you kant
trust man entirely, let him skip; this
trieng to get an average on honesty al
wuss has been failure"
A CHILD being asked what were the
three great feasts of the Jews, promptly
and not unnaturally replied: Break.
fast, dinner and supper"
NURSE" Good morning, Mr.. Brown.
Did you have Il good night - Patient
"Tlie night was good enough, but I've
had beastly time OF i'll have"
The seal probably puts up with more
insults and abuse than any other animal.
He Is known the world over as frlrbear-
ing animal.-.t. AtGan's Adrcrtiser.
"LENNY, you're n pig" said fond
father to his little boy. "Now, do you
know what little pig is, Lenny ?"
eyes, sir; hogs little boy, "-OH Pa
per.
WILL the compositor who set up our
code to Sailor" I" Owed to Tailor"
please call in about 3 o'clock this after
noon aud get nice present.
city Times.
WHOEVER heard Whoever drank whoever beard
Whoever saw Whoeier heard whoever ate
horse ny' A fence rail? door iamb'
Kansas city Times.
The Danbury Nc,cs, in long article,
tells "How Hat is Made" The sim
plest, cheapest and quickest way to
make hat is to bet Oh the winning can
didate at the election.
Herald.
THE obseryant "small boy" went to
church and heard the minister repeatedly
say in his prayer, "Grant us, y Lord"
He reported Mt home that the minister
had "come out strong for Grant. "-Bos-
ton Transcript.
WHAT part OF the wheel makes the
most noise? Why, the spokes, man, of
course.-Frcc Press. No: the hub,
bub.-Bostoa Post. We intended to add
something, but old Virginia never says
a." tire. "-RichiD,oi,d Baton.
THE Rochester Hcraid tells how the
mutilated trunk of man was
picked up on the track of the Central
and the Elmira Free Press
goes off with TRADE against the careless
and vicious baggage-smashers.
"DID you ever hear the alphabetical
Angelina? "No, Angus
tus, what is il? ?" cit is: When will
4" Oh, Inever could guess that alt is
when U and are made one, my darling"
REMARKS by Texns maiden to her
pertidious lover, II amt got no brother,
and dads too old to fight, but if you will
just take one of these here pistols and
step off n few PAGES, III iinc in the duet
and misses won't count.-Andrews
Bazaar.
THEGE was man whose Burt,
Lived in this vale of teas,
And drove q miilc and necr got hurt
For more tim twenty years,
But nature will it.elfsfscrt
Of that, behold the proof.
The Other day that mule kicked Bnrt
Clean through the stable roof.
a MEAN man put sixteen hornets IN n
and gave it to Texan, il
he dark, to take drink out IF, and
\, ti,oh he. ,,,t In;,.
hey went down, the Texan remarked
hat it wasn't real Texas whisky, as it
acked fire.
"De you use many flowers on your
able?" asked Mrs Murray Hill of
outheln visitor. swell, yes," was tn
eply; "we have wheat and rye bread for
breakfast, but the old man will stick to
was Flora for
1rs. NJ. H.--Boston Commercial BW.
ctin.
AUNT DELpHE, the antiquated rag
ECKER, stepped into the postofiice the
Their day and inquired for II letter.
Where from ?" asked the clerk.
Well, / dunno" said Aunt Delphe;
my husbands dead an / dunno whar
~ letters gwine to come from.-Io-
aiiits San.
WHAT is political science ?" asks an
Schange. Political science! Political
,ience! Oh, yes, We see. When you
IN make the people believe that you
III hold office better than the man who
in, and they have the confidence TO put
OH in his place, you have demonstrated
bout all here is in political SCIENCE
Waterloo Observer.
"JoHS, what odor is that p "Cloves,
We" "But that other 2" "Allspice,
" beloved" "But isn't there an
ther ?" "Yes, apples, belovedest."
Just one more" "Raisins, my most
swell, John, if you'd
My drink just little brandy, now,
link You would make good mince pie"
A HUNGARIAN entered the studio of
ortrait painter and said: 81 want you
, paint portrait of my late father"
With pleasure, sir. Have you
ortrait of the lamented deceased?"
No. but you don't want any photo
raph. Just paint Withholding Hun
arian about 60 years old and six feet
Ugh, with big white moustache."
our weeks later the family came around
, see the picture. Bravo" says the
hungarian inwardly; "it's a speaking
keness, only the old gentleman seems
, have changed good deal since his
eath."
"PoRTEB," the fat passenger said,
18th Just the information Of ten cents in his
dice, "Porter? eyes, sab, said the
orter, with the calm, trustful infection
t a quarter in his reply. "Will You
ring your brush for few moments!