St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-10-08
SQuibs.

AppleS are SO cneap In ONO that 1t
doesn't pay the wind to blow 'em
down.
Never does a man believe so strongly
in the attraction of gravitation as when
lie sits down in chair and finds it
gone.
"Bicycle" races are to be the grand
feature of many of our fairs this fall
The chief object is to improve the breed
of bicycles.
'In what condition was the patriarch
Job at the end of his life," asked n
Brooklyn Sunday school teacher of a
quiet looking boy in the class. "Dead,"
answer no appeal was taken.-[N N. Y.
Sun.
(Which is the most delicate sense,
feeling or sight ?" asked professor in
Columbia college. 'Feeling," respond
ed student. "Give proof of it, with
an example," said the professor. "Well,
my chum can feel his mustache, but
nobody else can see it," said the stu
dent.
George NJ. Stearns of Chicopee was
invited to address the Democrats of
Vermont, but replied that it would be
expensive for him to travel around Yer
mont to hunt up the Democratic party,
and the better way would be for them
to come down in his front yard and let
him talk to them there.
A Galveston man met a gentleman
from northern Texas, and asked how a
certain mutual friend was coming OH.
"He is doing very WE'LL" was the reply.
"What business is he at ?" "He has
got the sOftest thing in the world of it,
He bought lot of Mexican donkeys at
San Antonio for SO piece, and having
taken them up to his rancho he clears
S27 a head on them" "Do they bring
such high prices ?'' "NO, but lie lets the
railroad trains run over them, and the
company has to pay him $50 a piece for
them."-[ Galveston News.
Too full for utterance. A little dar-
key fell off a wharf while fishing. He
kicked around in the water, but did not
call for help. Finally old Nose fished
him out, and landing him on the wharf
said: "You darned little fool niggah, if
you had sung out l would have pulled
yer out at fust." "How could l sing
out with my mouf full 2" "Full er
what ?" "Wums for bait, of course.
What dyer s'poseR"
"Woodworker," an Indian chief, saws
he has never seen a gray-haired Indian
in his life, and he has seen some over 90
years old. 1t is because an Indian has
no trouble, nor worriment, or anything
that way. His wife chops all the wood
and builds the fire, goes to the market
at daylight, stones tramps out of the
front yard, and blacks his boots and
he is not tormented by tax-collectors,
gas bills and lightning-rod peddlers
Let an Indian start a twenty -four COL
umn newspaper in a six-column town,
to fill loDg-felt want, and his hair
would turn gray in one night.
A Connecticut man went straight of
and got buttons put on the horns of his
vicious COW, when he heard chick OF
five warn younger child thus: 'Sis-
ter, come into the house or Hougb's
COW will horn you wife up to God"
Probably the worst telegraphic bun.
der on record was one that occurred re-
Gently in telegram received by st
Louis merchant while in New York. A
dispatch came informing him of the i'll
ness of his wife in st. Louis. He sen
! a message to his family doctor, askin:
the nature of the sickness and if ther,
was any danger, and received promptl,
the answer: ''No danger. Your wife ha
had child. If we can keep her from
having another tonight she will d
well.n The mystifcation of the agitate,
!, husband was not removed until secon
"A inquiry revealed the fact that the in
disposed lady had had ''chill."
''Say, mister" as he walked up to th
proprietor of jewelry store, wh
stood behind the counter, "have yo
e got any of these here fnger-rings-
n these here-these-oh, l fOrgit VIII,
l. you call 'em." "Gold rings ?n aske
! the proprietor. 'No; not quite gol
e rIngs-oh, yes, hypocrite gold rings
e that's it." ''Can't understand VIII,
e you mean by that" said the prophet,
b with stare. 81 mean," said the your
e man, "this kind of gold that looks iii
gold and isn't gold; this here kind th
/ verybody is wearin' nowadays.
Is want ring for my girl and 1 want v,
to scratch on the inside Jim Brown
Sallie Jones don't care what it cost
you can go as high as half a dollar t
-. 1t all If you want to. It's a begageme
!" ring" The boss took it all in and so,
fixed him off with "hypocriter 90
es ring done up in the softest kind of &C
ton.