The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-06-04
COMICALITIES.


the tree oad.-SdLenl Sunbeam.
A MAN cares little for his wrongs when
getting his funeral rites.-M y. Cone
mcrciai.
THE wind signing through the pinesis
very good music if the trees have the
right pitch.
GONE was killed, and the other had
his head severed from the body" said al
Arkansas paper, in speaking of an acct
dent.
The young man who, in writing to
his sweetheart, spelled it "sweat"
summer time had made serious mistake.
-Atbany Times.
THERE is a man in New Jersey who is
80 innocent that he thought the holes in
porus plaster were places where the
tacks were driven in.
81 AM very much afraid of lightning"
said pretty lady. "And we'll you
may be, replied a despairing lover, Gas
your heart is made of steel"
THERE il said to be no foundation for
the report that Mr.. Sankey's new hymn,
sis your lamp still burning, brother?"
il to be dedicated to Mr.. Edison.
IT is awful hard to realize that a wo-
man il an angel when one sees her pick
up clothes-prop fourteen feet long to
drive two-ounce chicken out of the
yard.
DRAGGING and pushing lawn mower
now occupies the MOI nings and evenings
OF our best citizens. 1t is a poor substi-
tue for mountaineering as far as exercise
goes.--NeW Hacen Register.
A PANTHER escaped from n circus in
Connecticut, ran half mile, got sight of
woman's feet as she climbed fence,
and Mt once returned to his cage and
laid down and died.-DetrOH Free Press.
A FEW days ago, a Norwich Conn. }
man bought chest of tea in Providence,
II. l., and on opening it, found stone
inside weighing nearly eleven pounds.
He remarked that the weighs of Provi-
dence were very mysterious.
We are told that "shrouds have no
pockets" And this will probably con-
time to be the fashion until corpse
refusing to be buried in u pocketless
shroud. -NorristOaca Herald.
EDO you think a man can run circus
and be Chistian?" asked serious
man. "Well, / don't know-yes.
"Do you think Barnum, for instance,
can go to heaven?" 81 think he has
good show" was the rather equivocal re-
ply.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know e
pedestrianism is unhealthy. 1t is not,
if INDUCED in behind pillow. But when
it comes to walking up and down the
sidewalk in front of your girls house
until her old man starts down town, it is
worse than malaria.
THE new sleeve.-Granny (from the
country, at at city party:) "But why
do they all show their arms in that
ridiculous manner?" Facetious youth:
"The fact is, grandma, they're all going
to be vaccinated after supper. "-Punch.
THIS is the time of the year when the
Industrious young man resolves to get
up very early every morning and take
walk, or read history, or do something
awfully commendable, and then over
sleeps himself, and is late to business
twenty-seven days in the month.
If man gets little pebble in his
shoe, he makes great noise over it; if
he gets little stone aside the head, he
is often terribly hurt, but if he fails to
get pocketful of "rocks," oh, my, he
is as troublesome as n woman without
new sprng bonnet Whitehall Times.
A VALLEJO father told his charming
daughter lately that she must not listen
to fiatterers. But papa" she replied,
chow can l tell that they tlatter me I'M
less I do listen?" "Tur-rue, tur-rue,
daughter" And he leaned over the end
of the piano and commenced to think
Hattcjo Chronicle.
JONES propounded the following, the
other evening, after slipping of an alleged
tea: "Why is this drink like milk ?"
Of course nobody could guess, and after
he had divulged by saying it was lack
tea-al-huid, nobody dared to smile. They
knew that the landlady's eyes were upon
them.-BostOn Transcript.
The man who can't afford to take a
paper dosn't worry as to the possibility
of seeing the circus. That's what he's
been saving his money for. Something
is needed to take the feather edge off
from the extreme backwardness and
He is in danger of not telling more than
1000 lies minute, unless he is
braced up.
THE rural resident may now go forth
in the bright moring, while the early
sun is warming the air, and listen to the
sweet songs of birds that futter in the
trees, shaking the blossoms down like
snow. And as he wanders over the hill
side to the blue spring, he may glance
all around furtively, and then take cup
and flask from the hollow of an old stump
and have drink of pure, cold water.
TENDER wife-"Say, look here! I've
got to have new velvet skirt right Off
got to have it. This old thing is all
worn out-actually threadbare down the
front" Brute of husband the
thing, my dear. All the rage. Fashion
item says velvet skirts will be very much
worn this season. Sandpaper the back
of your dress, and You are setting the
style. "-BrOokiyn Eagtc.
One of the characteristic Nevada
stories is thus briefly told by the Virginia
Enterprise: "Recently, during the
gale, while boulders Us big as pumpkins
were flying through the air and water
pipes were being ripped out of the
ground, an old Chinamaf, with spectacles
on his nose, was observed in the eastern,
part of town, seated on knoll, calmly
flying his kite-an iron shutter, with
log-chain for tail"
The German papers tell this story in
connection with Baron Rothschild' death:
A meets B, weeping and sobbing aloud.
Says A: "Why do you weep?" "Be-
cause" said B, as if his heart We're
breaking, "because he Is dead-the
powerful, the rich baron" "But," re-
piled A, "why do you cry so much, he
was no relation of yours?" "That's
just what I'm crying about" howled b,
more affected than ever.
"PRIsoNER ut the bar, said the Judge
to the man ON trial for murder, sis there
anything you wish to say before sentence
is passed upon you'll" "Judge," replied
the prisoner solemnly, "judge there has
been altogether too much said already.
1 knew all along somebody would get
hurt if these people didn't keep their
mouths shut. IL might as well be me,
perhaps, as anybody else. Drive on,
Judge, and give us rs little sentiment rs
you can get along on. l can stand hang
ing, but 1 hate gush!
JOHN WILLIAMS, a merchant of Rut-
ledge, Ga, sued desperate. The
fellow entered the store in O furious
passion, held out the summons in one
hand, clntched long knife in the other,
and said: civilians have you sued
me?" Williams knew that an immediate
eyes" would make him sure of stab.
"Let me get my spectacles, so that l can
,ooJ xl,a ,.oray ha ooid He uopk ho