The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-05-07
Fsl,lnygraphs.

Funnygraphs.
IT seems to be universal practice
that when Bridget comes in to sweep, the
whole family will get up and dust.
"WuL you have some more beans,
johnny 2" "No." "No what p "No
beans" says Johnny, solemnly.
THE decline of the drama is probably
owing to the fact that the public never
sees but about one-tenfh of a play; the
rest is bonnet.
A ST. LOUIS theater manager was
asked why he employed such bad actors
and he replied: would you have me
let the poor devils starve?'
"L1E well, I guess he does lie, said
his neighbor Jones. Why, he's SO
fond of lying that he won't let a clock
strike right in his house"
IT is estimated by the Detroit Free
Press that handsome woman weeping
before jury has more effect In five min
utes than two hours talk.
EVERY man who has become President
of the United States has been elected
during leap year. This Is something
for the girls to wonder over.
WHEN a girl is 20 she feels very easy
on that score. It's only when she scores
another that she begins to wonder who
invented wrinkles.
As you travel around the country you
are more and more impressed with the
conviction that the chief end of man Is
to paint patent-medicine signs on the
fences.
4 h., h., ~
bangs introduced into fashionable cir
Giles. They are called after the arrowy
goddess because they culver whenever
the beau comes round.
A WISE man writes to the papers that
the only true way to health is to eat
moderately, drink temperately, sleep
regularly, and avoid excess III every
thing" Well, that is a good way, too.
Another good way is to keep well.
CARE animals color-blind p asks "a
writer in a scientific magazine. Now
there is Il man who has never wandered
through a COW pasture with red-flannel
shirt ON. Come to think of it, we have
never wandered through that kind of a
pasture either.
"SETH," said Mrs. Spicer, 81 wish
you would go and see to the furnace
that girl Kate is putting in coal rs if she
was firing locomotive" And, when
Spicer remarked that the girl was, per-
haps, railway-cinder-K Kate, Mrs. S.
grew warmer than ever.
WHEN a young lady tripped into a
music store, the other day, and asked
the bashful clerk in attendance for
/ IL, Iot
and rushed out of the back door. The
clerk, never having heard of the piece of
music, thought he was the victim of a
leap-year proposal, and his salary was
not large enough to support two.
81 WILL stay" he sang, and will sing my lay,
While slumber seals your eyes;
And the still, deep night will me stay
Under the star-lit skies.
viii wake and ring till the morning star
Shall glow III tive eastern sky"
But he didn't; her pa " came ont, right thar
And - sfted him nine feet high.
MAGISTRATE" seems, prisoner.
that yoU took Is pence from the prose-
cutor's till. Now, put it to YOU seri-
ously; was it worth your while to risk
your character, your liberty, your whole
future for such IL trihe % Prisoner
Certainly not, your Worship; but did
IlOJ hnoN tiltIc was llOt UlOTc III
I took all there was
STREAK ~ lightnin, TO miles long,
Some dese days gwine hit him;
Ing'sol sing anudder song
When de debbi git him
Debb watch fo' sich al him
ketch him in his collar:
Choke him black an hit him ''bim:r
Butt him till him hollcr
Debb stan up kimbo straight.
Laugh at Ing'soll prancin':
Stan him in red-hot plate
Pat while Bob's a dsncin'!
A j,e,c darky ditty ia Louisiana.
A MARYLAND schoolmaster told re-
fractory girl that unless she wrote a COM
position he would punish her. She APP
peared with two big brothers. The
pedagogue laid revolver on the desk
and called for the screed. 1t took her
about ten minutes to indite the senti-
ment "There air various kinds of big
brothers. Sum would stand up FOR
sister under any circumstances, but there
are some ily-livered, slab-slded num-
grels, who air cross between Gibral-
tar jackass and Maltese Jew, who
would sit around like rat-hole, while a
red-headed, cross-eyed slab of unre-
spectful poverty wanders around with a
borrowed pop, and makes their poor Sis
ter paw around fur the materials fur
composition"