Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1880-04-20
His Telephone.
From the Detroit Free Press.l

From the Detroit Free Press
Il guess I haf to gif up my telephone
already said an old citizen of Gratiot
avenue yesterday, as he entered the Of
flee of the company with a very long
face.
why, what's the matter now?
sOh! eferytings. I got dot telephone
in mine house SO as could spheak NIT
der poys in der saloon down town, and
NIT my relations in Springwells, but l
hat to gift it up. I nefer hat so mucn
droubles."
"How?"
"Vhell, my poy Shon, in der saloon,
he rings der pell und calls me oop and
saws and old trent of mine WANTS to see
how she works. Dot lsh all right.
say: 'Hello!' und he says: Come
close I goes closer und helloes again.
Den he says: 'Shtand little off, I
shtands little off und yells vunce more,
und he says: 'Shpeak louder yells
louder. It goes dot vhay to ten min
utes, und den he says: go to Texas,
you old Dutchmans? You see p
Yes
AND den mein brudder in Spring
wells he rings de pell und calls me oop
und says how vhas Dissenting? says
I vhas feeling like some colts, und he
says: Who WANTS to buy some goats p
I says: 'Cols-colts, colts und he an
swers: oh! coats. thought you
saidt goats!' when I goes to ask him
of he feels peter hears voice crying
out, What Dutchman ish dot on dis
linev Den somepody answers, Il doan'
know, but likes to punch his headt =
You see?'
| Yes
sVhell, sometimes my White WANTS tc
spheak NIT me, when am down in del
saloon. She ring mein pell und says
sHellop Nopody spheaks to me. Sht
rings again, und / says, Hello! likt
dunder! Den der Central Office tells
me go aheadt, und den tell me holdt on
und den tells mein White dot l am gone
AWAY. I yells oudt dot ish not so, uno
somepody says, How can talk if do
old Dutchmans doan' keep sthiD u Kor
} see?'
'Yes.'
i 'Und when I gets in bedt at nights
somepody rings der pell like der hous'
vas on fire, und when shumps oudt unt
says hello. hear somepody saying =
I WANTS no dog, und when I tell 'em so
uOd1 6OuAO ROORAOS ASNSA AAe~V
! haw! hawv You see?
J, Yes
eUnd SO you dake it oudt, und vhel
, somepody likes to speak NIT me de,
i shall come right away to mein salOon.-
l Oof my brudder ish sick he shall &c
! peter, und if somepody WANTS to pu.
r me dog, he shall come where 1 cal
| punch him NIT glub'
r
TRUTHS UNPALATARLE TO THE RAD
Q ICALs.-Mr. Hill Democrat of Ohio
in replying to Republican colleague
7 gave the Republicans number of un
; palatable truths. He said the first gran
! Of land ever made in this country 70
t educational purposes was made b
= Thomas Jefferson, the founder of tn
o Democratic party, for the ordinance
o 1877 declared that means Of education
r should be forever encouraged In til
: Northwest Territory. Over $1,000, OO
t acres of land under Democratic admin
8 istrations, he stated, were set apart fo
t educational purposes prior to 1850. b
q then proceeded to show that while THU
J, teen slave States furnished 4S2, 227 me
}. to the Union armies, the New Englan
y States only furnished 1873, 13l. Reb'
d Missouri, be said, furnished Al, 900 moi
o men than loyal MASSACHUSETTS, and ITO
: 600 more than loyal Michigan, yhi
r, Kentucky sent more "boys in blue"
y the front than Vermont and New Haml
= shire combined Wash. Cor. Rich. Di
= patch.