The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-09-23
AN AMBIDExTER.
Reporter Attempt. to Furnlsh Copy nj
DOahle His Usuai Rate or HPeea ana l1eta
Things mixed. -il -s7.. r-

Things mixed. --.If -l4..
kansas City Journal.l
There is q reporter at the Times Office
whowrites with equal rapidity with either
hand. He is an ambidexter, and bold,
bad one at that. When there is rush
of work at the office and the devil is
shouting "copee" like a fiend incarnate,
this useful reporter sits down at his desk
in full company front, aud, with pen
ell in each hand, slings off local happsn-
ings by the. yard. He writes on two
sheets at once, and don't let his right
hand know what his left hand is driving
at, but it's driving all the same.
Yesterday he got little off his mental
base, and attempted to write up dog
fight and wedding in high life at the
same time He got things mixed. His
hands ran clear away with the gray mat
ter in lis skull, and things became terri
bly, confused. This is the way his items
telescoped each other:
At Grace church, last night, the nup-
ials of Mr.. Thomas johnson and Miss
Julia Lawrence were celebrated in most
magnificent style. A costly floral horse
shoe being directly over the alter, and
when the yellow cur saw the flames of
anger darting from the eyes of the brin-
die fyste he opened with the impressive
strains of the wedding march. As the
handsome couple walked down the aisle
the excited crowd began to get frantic,
and there were yells of Sick 'em, Bull;
s.At him now, Towser," as the spectators
became interested in the fight. The
bride was elegantly attired in pure white
of the most costly fabrics, and she wore
the traditional white veil and wreath OF
orange blossoms had him by the neck
and his tongue began to loll out and his
eyes to turn somersaults as if in the GUS
tomary black dress suit, white gloves,
ears cropped close to his head. He was
disreputable looking dog in the begin
ming, and ought to have been whipped
for being so homely. He is of good fam
lily and is engaged in one of the most
extensive manufacturing enterprise in
the West But the yellow cur seemed to
be getting the advantage, as he had now
succeeded in getting death grip on the
tenderly kissed the bride according to
the ancient custom his back was covered
with mud and his off hind leg was terri
bly, chewed up. 1- -as .
Among the costly presents received by
tue udppy pilT were luc Sfdllu plduO
from the father of the bride hair had
been scalded from his back and one eye
seemed to have been struck with an augur.
After ashort bridal tour the happy pair
| will settle down to one of the hardest
| fought battles the reporter has yet wit
messed, and it was difficult to tell which
dog had been punished worst. The fight
ended at exactly 4:48, after having been
bitterly contested for an hour and hall
| were driven to the residence of the brides
! parents, and he was taken to his owners
home in wheelbarrow. He will prob
| ably never recover, and if he does will bt
| totally blind. Besides being permanently
lame in the left hind leg, the beautiful
| bride received the congratulations of &
host of friends. The groom is one of oul
most promising young men, and his
owner breads the possibility of losing
him as he fears he can never replace him
| The father of the bride is one of oul
wealthiest merchants, and the yellow
fyste limped off with knowing look il
his eye and saucy curl in his tail, as
much as to say: "Who else wants tt
try me?"
The ambidexter was summarily sfred.