Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-08-06
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j l
world wide celebrity, was eye ng his bald
head with critical expression of counter
ance.
"Well. what's the. matter, Taverns?"
asked Clews rather impatiently
Henry responded the other,
''d-d-didn't you say. you were s-s-self-
made mann"
eyes, certainly; made myself"
.Then w-w-why the d-d-d-devil, when
you were about it, didn't you p-p-put a |
little more h-h-hair on the top of your
head?" ~
THE REASON WHY.-A Silver City
young lady, who had passion for pretty
babies, said to little four year-old angel
who had bran new sister:
II say, bub, won't you give me your
baby sister? love little babies.''
Young Hopeful-''No, tan't.'
Young lady (winking at her young mani,
why, sonny, won't you give your baby
to me?"
Hopeful (indignantly)-'Fy, he'd 'tarve
to death; your dress opens behine."
Painful silence for the next fifteen min
uteS.
Quite a number of darkies, young and
old, were fishing on Dunn's wharf recent
ly, when a boy of about twelve fell off,
and would have met with watery grave
had it not been for the energy and presence
of mind Of old uncle Nose. After the boy
was safely landed bystander took occa-
sion to praise old Nose for the heroism he
had displayed. sis the boy your SOM"
asked the sympathetic spectator. "No,
boss, but he mout jess as well been. He
had all de bait in his pockets Galveston
Ne,cs.
A droll fellow up in Connecticut fshed
rich man out of a mill pond and received
the offer of twenty-five cents from the
rescued miser. ooh, that's too much!''
exclaimed he, C faint with It'll" and he
handed back twenty-one cents, saying
calmly as he pocketed four cents ''that's
about right
do you see that spring over there %
said settler in Arkansas to a stranger.
s.WeIl, that's an iron spring. that is; and
horses about here that drink the warter Of
it never have to be shod. The shoes just
grow on their feet nat rally"
Raise boys early-in the morning. If
they don't s'raise' easily. light dressing
of peach tree fertilizer will help them WON
derfully. The late variety of young men
(those who keep your daughter up until 8
A. NJ should be raised rapidly-out of
the front door.
The people of Arlington, Mimi, COM
planned that their town was weak in indus
tries, and when stranger came there soon
afterwards and started Limburger
cheese factory. the town was strong enough
in industries little too strong for some
of the citizens
He had one son hanged, another son in
the penitentiary, and his wife eloped with
chrome peddler. "Have you any fami-
ly ?" he was asked by a fellow passenger.
.sNone to speak off, was the prompt re-
spouse to the census man.
At recent Philadelphia picnic, when it
was discovered that the c1oquet arches had
been forgotten, wicked girl suggested
supplying their places with two bow-leg
ged men present.
A Western paper wants to know s'where
the next worlds fair will be held?'' don Il
profess to know much about the next
world, but in these diggings Sunday night
is the favorite time for holding this worlds
fair.
'sGood morning, Patrick; you have got
new coat at last, but it seems to fit you
rather too much" "Och, there's nothing
surprising in that, sure 1 wasn't there
when was measured for it,"
The Leadville "Chroniclen tells of man
who escaped with his life from the In
dams. The man who escaped without his
life hasn't been reported.
Scientists claim that something injured
the eyesight. But this is not true. The
boy with a stump in his mouth can see his
father ten squares away.
'Have you cologne?" she aeked. mo,
ma'am,n y replied the druggist; 81 have no
scents at ALL" She said he didn't look as
though he had.
The proprietor of a Louisville bone fac
tory announces that persons leaving their
bones with him can have them ground at
short notice.
Clean your last years straw hat with a
lemon, and you may squeeze through the
summer with it. Take this hint and let
lemon-aid you.
.'How do you define BLACK as your
hat? '' said schoolmaster to one Of his
pupils. Darkness that may be felt, " re-
piled the youthful wit.
Teach your boy to love the farm. To
do this don't send him out to drop pota-
toes, but give him horse and carriage
and new whip!
The most bashful girl we ever heard of
was the young lady who blushed when she
had not been counting sleep.
A Miss Wheat, down in Indiana, was
thrashed the other day by lover whose
Wheat-heart she had ceased to be.
A lady nowadays doesn't mind having
her age recorded in the family bible. It
is almost sure to remain secret.
Plant your neighbors' cats early. One
under each fruit tree will help your crop
and do your neighbor good turn besides.