Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-11-12
IIaWk-Eyptpms.

The Chicago Times is confident that
the complaint of shop girls is one of
long standing.
The Elmira Advertiser says to beware
Of the man who tells of catching q
thirty.pound salmon.
It's said that raw onion improves the
voice. Its smellering to the organ,'
as Mr.. Wegg was wont to remark.
When the reporter announces the
arrival of "Mr. Tom johnson, Henry
Clauering, Billy Bent, Hi Jackson and
Mr.. L. H. Baragin and wives" it may
mean all right, but it sounds awfully
rough on Baragin and wives.
1t is one OF the most painful specta-
Giles that can he witnessed, to see Will
liam Vanderbilt emptying the pockets
of all his old vests before he starts
down town in the morning. in the
trembling hope of raking out enough
cents to pay his street-car fare.
One man from New York, who has
been summering in New Brunswick,
comes home with the proud record Of
having taken 1852 fish this season on
his little hook and line. We haven't
had time to do a great deal of fishing
this summer, but in the few odd mo-
ments we had to spare we have caught
Just 1858. A word in your ear, my
son; it isn't the way you fish, but the
way you count. that makes up your
record.
An unknown exchange tells this good
story: They stopped, looked and COM
mented upon his being drunk or asleep.
Finally one said: 80 come along,
can't you see the fellows drunk ?" Up
came the head of the drowsy individ-
ual, and his eyes half closed, leered
at the man who had just spoken, as he
answered with big oath: Yes, I'm.
er-drunk, but I can-er-get over that.
You're a id (hic) fool, and you'll
never (hic) get over that"
George Peck, of Milwaukee, went to
Chicago during the conclave. and fell
in love with the Sir Knights hats. He
says "next to the bear-skin hat of a
drum-major the chapeau of Knight
Templar is the grandest head-gear in
the world. 1t is made after the pat
tern of an inverted coal-scuttle that has
been sat down on sidewise by fat man,
and the top of it is covered with spring
millinery. A commandery looks as
though millinery shop had exploded"
Mr.. McElroy came into the sanctum
yesterday morning and engaged in con-
versation (which, by Interpretation is,
got to talking) about religion. "Do
you believe" he asked, "that Budd-
hamism is on the increase And we
we're obliged to confess that it always
was on the alarmingest kind OF an in
crease in this country during election
campaigns, especially in the Presiden-
tial years. And when he went to the
caucus he found that we were, as we
always are, correct.
"Can't you keep a secret?" said MIR.
Middlerib, impressively, looking at his
wife. Indeed can" she exclaimed
eagerly. running across the room that
she might cling to the lappels of his
coat while she listened. "Well," said
the brutal man, "you can do great
deal more than can, then. I never
could remember one long enough to
tell it," She didn't say q word, but all
through his breakfast that morning he
kept wondering why the sugar tasted
so much of salt, and how under the sun
his steak got 80 full of sand. But he
knew enough, or at least he thought he
knew enough. not to ask.
I Rev. Mr.. Genuflux fell down stairs
last Sunday morning, with q flower
vase in one hand, pitcher of water in
the other, lamp globe under his arm,
and china saucer tucked in his coat
pocket. He was trying to carry all
these things down stairs and he sue
ceeded. But when he got them to the
bottom and his anxious wife screamed
from the head of the stairs to know if
he had broken anything, he took an
account of stock and calmly reported
that he believed "he had broken every.
thing but the Sabbath" "The only
thing" petulsn tly commented his care
full and economical wife. "that we
could afford to break"
why" Numbered an impassioned
orator at temperance mass meeting.
"in only one year. in twelve short
months. the people of the United States
drank " 1867 ,915 gallons of beer and
1858, 291 gallons of whisky! How
much Of that hideous aggregate did
You drink" he shrieked, glaring
around at the respectable vice. presi-
dents on the platform. And in the i'm
preesive pause that followed, the corre-
spending secretary arose and said that
with the exception Of the tonic drops
she was compelled to take before break.
fast and the anti-malarial bitters that
Or. Bolus prescribed for her, and q
little pale ale for her digestion and q
pint of beer at night which she couldn't
close an eye in sleep without it and may
be an occasional drop of brandy for the
neuralagy, she had not tasted a drop
of spiritual or ferventuous LIQUIDS
since she joined the society. And a
great hush fell upon the meeting, like
the voice of man who has Just been
asked for the loan of ten dollars.
Got the funniest letter the other day
from Lee & Shepard, of Boston. Wrote
them to send us hand book of winter
resorts, didn't care whose or what it
was, so it filed the bill. In reply re.
ceived q package of books about the
| size of SundaV-schoOl library with the