Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-02-11
FUNNYGRAPHS,

| Wiz h1AAoWAy CSCdpSu UoluR
ed.
The Brooklyn Uaion-Argus presents
motto for beehive" God bless our
hum"
SONG of the hopeful young married
couple occupying single room: Gwen
have suite by and by"
IF chap is too lazy to walk, " how
is it that SO many fellows run into temp
tation?-Ne,O York Ne,us.
The toe of an enemy's boot will often
do more to raise man into prominence
than the kind words of dozen good
friends Whitehall Times.
! SAYS Jones: st hate q fool" eyes"
replied Smith, "like hates like They
meet as strangers now.-Boston Tram
script.
COMING as it does originally from the
winding still worm, all whisky is more
or less crooked.-NeU Orleans Picou-
a1e.
COURTNEY hasn't yet advised the pub
lie what kind of saw he will use in the
forthcoming rowing atch.-Atlanto
Constitution.
JONES latest device to appear we'll
dressed, as in garments new to shine, is
to sew ticket on the collar of his old
/ coat
A PHILOSOPHER says: "You require
in marriage precisely the same quality
that you would in eating sausage-abso-
lutte confidence"
"HELP1NGsTICK " for "Alpenstock " is
capital instance. / once heard an un-
educated man talk about some one who
played the "hark- audience" at public
houses, meaning the ACCORDION.
| and Queries.
IT is the misunderstanding sage of the
| Steubenville Herald who remarks that
'Ethere is always an irrepressible conflict
going on in ones mind when he sees a
small boy taking his first smoke, as to
whether the boy is smoking the cigar OF
the cigar is smoking the boy"
A SMALL boy could not see why the
"leaves " of tables, not resembling any
| leaves with which he was familiar, should
! be so called. At last he found it out.
81 know" he cried, "They are called
leaves because you can leave them up or
you can leave them down.
eyes," said Jones, melodramatically
my home is a little heaven on earth"
81 never knew anybody who was really
in hurry to enter heaven" was all that
Robinson answered; but it was noticed
that Jones started homeward an hour
earlier than usual that night. -BOstOn
! Transcript.
SHERIDAN once declined to take walk
with a troublesome feminine admirer, on
| the plea that the weather would not per-
nit, and being caught by the lady as he
was sneaking out for stroll, countered
| her remark that the weather seemed now
to have cleared up, with the bold asser-
Walton, Yes, madam, enough for one,
| but not enough for two. "-Chan1ber's
| Journal.
LoNGPHIz is inclined to low spirits at
| times. In one of these spells the other
day he grumbled, "This is a dreary
world. That's one reason hate doctors;
they helped to bring me into it." Here
he stopped, but Frightening up little a
moment later he added: However,
they help us out of it in the end, so they
are not so bad, after all. "-BostOn
Transcript.
LITTLE Nellie was looking at some pic
lures of wild animals when Mr.. Jorkins
called, and appealed to that gentleman
to explain one of the pictures. "That
is wild boar" said he; and the little
lady looked at it thoughtfully and re-
piled: cit doesn't look like you, does
it, Mr.. Jorkins % 81 hope not" re-
sponded the guest. "Why ?" +" Be-
cause" said the artless infant, "mamma
said, when your card was sent up,
There is that old bore Jorkins again
A CERTAIN Scotch gillie, it is said, is
not often i'll; but once he had the tooth
ache. ''And what did you do for it %
said one to him. Well, just bought
saxpenn' orth O. laudanum, and mixed it
VII pint O. whiskey, and drank it, but
it was IA good" Here there was a
pause, after which the speaker resumed,
$50 then [ got another sixpenn' orth O.
laudanum and pit it into quart O. whis-
key" "Wel1?' ..lWee1, when [ woke
twa days after there was ma toothache."
IT never pays to be impolite. A man
dining in a st. Adams hotel hit his
neighbor with his elbow and didn't apol-
ogize, and pretty soon the neighbor iab-
and the latter said: s. You think you're
durn smart, don't yer?" and pretending
to cut his meat, drove q dig into the
OluOI, dIlO tucA uIlCy C11uCucll, duO III
took four walters and the clerk to get 'em
apart, and they had to pay $27 apiece for
broken crockery and furniture. Boston
Post.
The editor of the Marshall (Minn)
NesUs took long ride across the prairies
the other day, and only met one man on
the whole trip, and this man said he was
just stepping overto his neighbours. The
closest observation could not reveal the
outline of house anywhere, and to the
question how long he intended to keep
s'stepping" before he reached his neigh
boris, the answer was: "Well, I'm most
there now. I've only six miles to go yet;
but last spring we hadn't any very near
neighbors.
A GENTLEMAN once sent his colored
man to market for fish. Sambo went
to stall, took up fish and began to