Morning journal and courier., 1880-05-14

--Amerlcsn Queen. The Keokuk Gate City wishes to know if a retired baggage-master can be appropriately referred to as the companys ex checker? Authors are spoken of as dwelling in attics because 80 few of them are able to live on their first story.-Boston Commercial Bulle- tin.
 Blossoms produce apples, apples give us cider, and cider produces blossoms Thus one of natures most beautiful cempsnsations. Boston Transcript.
 Weston, last week, attempted to beat his pedestrian record, but failed. He said he was troubled with vertigo. Yes, vertigo to beat his best record.-Keokuk Constitution. When man sees red spot developing on his toes, he shuddcrs and says, in mortified whisper, "Cornsi" And when his neiahbors see Q red spot develop on his nose, they smile and go on with the conjugation, whispering to each other, ''Corned !"-Hawkeye. The latest from the logic class Professor Miss O., give an example Of true con eluEion draSn from two false premises" Miss C.-"Logic is an easy study; that's false I don't like easy studies; that's false. don't like logic that's true" Glass is dismissed - Yassar Miscellany.
 The New York Graphic says "A mans slippers are made for comfort, and weman's
 to show her oolored stockings" The whirli- gig of time brings many changes When We were @ boy c wemaR's slippers were not made
 to show her colored stockings. They were
 made to-but the subject is too painful
 Norristovn Herald
 "Oh, I can't shoot, can't ?" he said when
 twitted about his archery "give me that
 bow" he added, snatching it out of Jula's
 hand. ''Now," he added, striking an attitude,
 ''show me something you want popped what
 is it ?' ''Yes," said Julia's friend, ''thats the D tEVou bateful thinv D Gaid Julip with an Italian sunset face, 'sit ain't neither I'll never speak to you again." But doubtless the innocent biuuder of Julia's friend will hRve it's effect
 These are Johnny's observations on the ''Roil BeAgol Tagger," as communicated to the San Francisco ArRonaut: One time there was a man which had tagger, and the tasser it was . sho and the man he tuks the money for to get in- The he had big paper l naild onto the tsgger's den, aud the paper it said, the paper did: ''The Roll Bengol Tag ger, sometimes cald The Monnsrk of the Jungle. Hands of. No Techin the Tagger p The monnerk of the jungle it WAS al ways a l layin down with it's nose tween Its poz and the fokes wich had paid for to get in they
 was mad COS 1t wudent wock. and rore like
 dissent thunder. But the sho man he said stThat's ol rite when I git the new cage doue, but this is the same cage which the offis fel- | Ter broke out in Oregon, tins he ct up the m seventeen men ana tnelr 1RmiHeS. lnen the folks thay wude all stand back and tock in whispers while the tagger slept. But one day Q feller which was drunk he taks to punohn the tagger with the mast head of his l umbreller, which stampeeded the oddisnce wild, end the wimmin folks they stud onto chairs and hollered like it was a mouse, but the drunk chap he kep jobbiu the monnerk of the jungle crewel. Pretty sune the mon | nerk it bellered offis and rigglsd, but the fei- Ter kep pokn like he was fireman to a steam engin. Bimeby the monnsrk 1t jumped onto ! it's hine feet and shucked itself out of it's skin and roled up it's sleefs and spit onto it's 1 hands and spoke up and sed 'I bedam if l l cant jest whollip the pea green stufia out O the gum. dasted galoot wich has ben & proddin this ere tagger!" And the o6dience thay was stonish
 Summer time will come again. With its softly blowing zephyrs; Lowing kine are in the fields; Bone and some are heifers.
 Liiacs will Sh d their fragrance Snow balls, too, As round ss bale !;
 Cackling fowls are in the barn-ysrd Some hens and some bullets. Butterflies with gaudy pinions Now about the blossoms f-olic c
 Apples green now tempt the urchin Some have stomach-lchs. some colfc