The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-03-26
COMICALITIES.

uOW hDOut Tic tuOuSutS SxduC1uOIucI 3
WHEN the cold weather IL upon us the
man who is not grateful with CRATE full
is an ungrateful great fool.
The car escaped being blown up by
being late to dinner. Most married
men meet with different fate.
The least bit of acid tells the story on
bogus gold if you can only get the drop
on it.
The two greatest bores in the world
are the st. Gothard tunnel and the game
of fifteen.-Syracuse Journal.
THE rise in the price of paper has its
good features, too. Peruvian money
will be worth something if the rise con-
tinues.-B0stOn Pest.
ANY young lady who goes to over $50
expense to get ready to be married is
throwing away cash which should be in
vested in June butter and salt meat.
"AND now he fills drunkard's grave"
Weep not for the man that filed it. He
does not drink; he's the sexton.
can Punch.
THE Schenectady Star tells Of boy
who was born on the cars, sat the rate
of thirty miles AN hour" 1t must have
bothered his mother to keep up with him.
The vexed question of fees to servants
is nowhere settled 30 easily as in the
Turkish bath; in such places you can
honestly plead that you have no money
about you.
Two Kentucky maidens have opened
blacksmith shop, and it's an interest
ing sight to see mule blush when the
girls accidently tickle him when putting
ON his new shoes.
The time of the year has come when
the small boy transforms hls handker-
chief into kite tail and tells his mother
he guesses some fellow hooked it at
recess.
"THE darky's hour is Just before the
dawn, remarked Sambo when he started
out before daybreak to steal young
chicken for breakfast. - Steubenritte
Herald.
The Princess Louise does not permit
any one, even Lorne, to call her Looee-
ger, and she is perfectly right. She was
christened Looeezer and Looeezer's her
name.-NeW York Commercial.
A NEGRO, after gazing at some Chi
nese, shook his head and solemnly said:
" If de white folks be so dark az, dat out
dar, wonder what's de color of de black
folks?"
WHEN the prince of Wales son is Or
dered aloft by the captain he responds:
"This is my grandmother's ship, and it
makes my back ache to climb that pole,
and / amt going to do it any more"
Music TEACHER" You see that note
with an open space; that's whole note.
Can you remember that ?" Scholar
"Yes'm. A whole note is q note that
has hole in it.
Which is the most deli
cate of the senses ?" Senior" The
sense of touch" Professor" Give an
example," Senior" My chum can feel
his moustache, but no one else can see
it."
"YoU are an ojus, hidius, iiit," my
dear !" said playful mamma to her
daughter at dancing school, the other
day. "Oh, my dear Mrs. -" sighed
one Of her neighbors, "what wouldn't /
give to have your knowledge of Latin !"
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin.
SUNFLowERs are to be worn at the
belt this season, according to fashion
authority. This is what we have been
waiting for; sunhowers have been worn
SO high in times past that it was i'm
possible to pick them without step
ladder.
"THERE are seventeen and half men
to every female in the territory of Dako-
ta." WELL" said Miss Jones, spinster,
when she read the above item. eff
girls knew what know, they'd take that
half man rather than none at all.-M
CSty Derrick.
A NATIVE of the Green Isle was pres
sed by the collector of water company
for payment of the water rate to which
modest request he returned the following
answer: "Sure I pay tin shillings a
year for wather, and many's the day it's
off for whole wake y
A FELLOW stopped at hotel in Lead
vile and the landlord charged him 81
day for five days. "Didn't you make a
mistake ?" "No," said the landlord.
Yes you did; you thought You got all
the money I had, but you are mistaken.
l have a whole purse full in another
pocket" ....
AT O crowded French country theatre
woman fell from the gallery to the pit,
and was picked up by one of the specta-
tors, who, hearing her grooming, asked
if she was much injured. "Much in
jured!" exclaimed the woman. 81
should think am. have lost the best
seat in the very middle of the front
row."
FRENCH Paper: A young woman in
mourning passes on the boulevard.
Friend to Celino-Young widow, very
likely. Do you think there's anything
so nice to see as pretty, young widow?
Calino, with onviction-That depends.
If she isn't ones own widow, grant it.
Otherwise.
81 DECLARE, Jane, it's too bad; you
ought to look out for the children's
clothes better. See Jacks pants now.
Why, if he should sit down in an open
work cane seat chair he'd take his death
O. cold" And that evening saw Jane
closing up the draft, heeling up the
breeches.-New Hauen Register.
SOME people Ere bound to make blum
ders. The story is told that o German
watering place, ut the close OF the season
when the money-box affixed to the wall
outside the Kursaal by the local benevo-
lent society was opened, it was found
void of money, but full of the letters OF
an American visitor to his family ut
home.
"MY boys" said kind Oil City
teacher, eff you would be president of
the United States, you must be good and
studiors." "Who wants to be presi-
dent?" yelled out young chap from
back seat. .sIiIr uth ssa,l bs Huitier Bill
choinsed, "a" ThSm's dur BeiuAments."-
oil Cty dlensichsWsGs1 div
A FOND mother wants to learn some
way to tell how hsriSoE will turn out.
That's easily done. HhAs 5wgnted to go
out and weed the garden he'll turn out
slowly and reluctantly and be two hours
dressing. If he's called to see circus
procession 60 by he'll turn out quick
and probably hurt himself trying to come
down stairs and put ON boot at the same
time.-BostOn Post.
HE axed If he might see her home;
She axed him In to ten; 4.
He never hesitated, but
Axepted speedily.
Administer carpets on the floor,
And things accessory;
al wonder,h thought he, sis this all
Accessible TO NOR
just then the widow B. came home
Quite axidenta!ly,
And With her broom that young mans leave
Accelerated she.
Gin. Saturday Night
LET no one affirm that dog-dealers do
not understand good manners. A dis
tinguished lady, having purchased dog
from worthy vender, inquired his name.
William, he responded, after some
hesitation. civilian ! is not that lit
tie odd?" "Well, ma'am, we calls him
Bill, but don't like to say that to the
likes o. you"