The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-08-27
MASSEY.
MIR. Nasty Details the Trouble That En-
sued by Defective Machinery at Han
cocks Headquarters.


cocks Headquarters.
GOVERNORS ISLAND,
Which is in the State Nv Moo York;
Aug. 6, 1880.
The newspapers are full NV an akkount
NV Gen. Hancock's faintin in the pres
ence Nv two delegashuns wich called on
him.
The troo histry NV the case is this:
We have an electric arrangement from
the ante room where | stand TO the gen.
erals rooms. There are sixty keys mark
ed with the states and shades Nv opln-
yum witch make up the Dimekratlc par
ty. Thus, one is marked moo York
hard money" another "LooZeaney-s Sc
sesh," and so on.
MY dooty is to admit only one party
at a time to see the gineral, and to notify
him in advance wat principles the visit
in party perfesses, that our candidate
may make no mistake.
For instance, ther comes man from
Pennsylvany. 1t is my dooty to find wat
his noshuns are on the tariff. ask him,
to begin with how trade is. He ansers,
| "Bully." Then / say, show does the pres
ent tariff work for your He SEE,
Bully" wunst more, and then l know
all about it. He is interested In manu-
| features, and is a high tariff man.
Then the matter looks comparatively
] simple l tech key witch is marked
| Pensylvany-tariff," and send him into
the presence, Gincral Hancock knows
eggsackly wat to say to him, and he SEE
it and sends him away happy.
Ef the visitor is from lllinoy, and hap
pens TO be free trader, a key is fetched
so labeled, and the Gineral also knows
wat to say to him.
The same rool applies to all other Wis
itors. We hev ez many keys ez Their are
shades of opinyun in the party. 1t re
quires gi gantic intelleck to keep the run
NV EN-, and that is why l okkepy that re
| sponsible posishun.
Nv course make mistakes occasion
ally, for no man kin keep the track Nv
SIGH diversity NV prinsiple. Ibid teched
the KEY marked 'EWar Demekrat" for 9
sccesh major from Looseaner; and he
come out in IA towering rage at bein IN
formed by the gineral that he shood
never be satisfied till every man wict
bore arms in the Confederacy he'd pass
ed away, that we mite hev peace, and i
wuz mistake wen l tcched the key
marked "Confederacy" and sent in !
Wisconsin farmer witch he'd he'd two
sons killed at Antietam The old MAJ
didn't like to be told that Confedrit sol
jers shOod hev the same penshuns eZ tn
Northern hirelins witch invaded tn
South SO blootally.
But the truble referred to okkurreC
Yesterday. There come delegation u
wide hated men from Maine and Inje
. amy, witch wanted to consult the gineT
al ez to his views on the crate question
| NV onlImented greenbax, and jist at tn
I same mint there came delegation from
: the city of Moo York witch was a goil
to demand expreshun eZ to honis
/ money.
insistid that but one delegashel
4 shood go in at time, and ez the lDjean
{ men wus neerest the door l teched tn
soft money key, and asked 'em in. Tn
hard money men hustled them aside
: and thinking they would push in frs
! teched the hard money key THIS dt
moralized the gincral and to add TO tn
q horror Nv the accident, they both pusl
o ed past me and rushed in ali together.
a Then a scene ensood witch battles dt
. scription-
swat we want to know" sed til
!. spokesman NV the Injaeny and Main
. delegatshun, sis, in the event nv you
d elecshun, is the kentry to hev onlimIte
money and consekent prosperity
EWat we want TO know" said III
head of the New York delegashun, II
!, eff the Dimocrisy succeeds are we to he
II honist money, and Is the Nashnel del
I to be paid in gold ?"
d The gineral turned pale and looked I
t. me impIoringly. He wuz not ekal
Y the emergency, but wuz. whispere
? in his ear faint y and seezed him in N
f arms Takin the hint he drawed a Ion
e sigh, and fell out of his cheer, sensel
to all appearances
aGentiemen," sed l, sour noble cand
IT date hez bin overworked and nacher 9
le serts herself. Will you please reti
II while bring him TO :"