The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-07-31
VARIETY.

Going out with the tied-A wedding party
Why is the world like piano? Because it is
rnlI ct bats and sharps.
Punch's advice to John Chinaman (and his
Bri:ish customers)-Honest tea is the best policy.
--P.mcA.
Anburn, N. Y. has q generous grocer. He
rTc Uasherwoman a bar Of soap as reward
H- returning 50 900 she found in one of his gar
nen:s-
A householder in Troy in filling up his census
schedule, under the column ''were born,'' de-
scribed one of his children, as 'born in the par
lor'' and The other sup stairs"
BOYS under twenty years old in Memphis,
Tenn, who want to play cards or billiards or
drink Intoxicating liquors, must carry written
permits from their parents or they will be refus-
ca by she saloon keepers.
10 she report Of .'Swell Wedding it was
written OF the Bride. that: Her dainty feet were
incased 10 shoes that might have been mistaken
for '.fairy boots - but the compositOr got it,
ssshoes hat might have been mistaken for ferry
bosn.p
A gentleman by the name Of Gum was once
fred ouk Of a watermelon patch in Grafton. Ky.
As he was borne home on a shutter he feebly re-
marked that he would have been ready to go of
sffer he gos loaded If they had let him alone
Siezhf american
There il nothing like settling down. said a
retired merchant cOnidentially to his neighbOr.
stWhen I gave up business, | settled down and
found bad quite a comfortable fortune. Ii l
had ssffled up I shouldn't have had cent.
Mrs. Rose named her daughter wilde" 1t
,r.s pretty, so romantic-"Wilde Rose 3" But
when the young lady grew up and married
Yorng butcher with the appropriate name OF
Ball. the lady was metamorphosed into ''Alme.
Wide BALL
At a banquet in New York city John Broug-
har uas seated next to Coroner Crocker. A
roaas was proposed, and Brougham asked the
coronef what he should drink it in ''Claret,"
said khs coroner. ''Claret,'' was the reply,
.'stat's no drink for coroner There is no body
in shat
A Southern paper quotes gentleman, of the
colorrf persuasion. as saying "No parson, L
pr0by'il never get courage to Jine de church.
Eksn q poor darkey's spiritual wiser takes him
down IN De riber and says, Il eapsize thee and
then ducks him under, it's time that darkey looks
nFter himself. You don't play none OBJ dem
<zmes on me, old man."
A school of poor children, having read in the
Bible the denunciatiOns against hypocrites who
t-ssrnfr at n gnat and swallow a camel, were
af<srwards examined by benevolent patroness
- 20 their recoIIections of the chapter. ''What
In rnrticuIar was the sin of the Pharisees, chill
1drsn9 said the lady 'Aiting camels, my
lady" was the prompt reply.
-s.TelI me. Jones, what is Socialism ?''
s.Tlssen. this is Socialism. You and go into
k.rr shop. You offer TO stand treat and you pay
for Il. then offer to stand treat and you again
NV for it, ''Yes, but what If am Socialist
<ocl,' Then the beer-seller must pay" But
.usrDnsa he Is q Socialist also ?' Then we clear
ant ''-- Boston Courier
Am Irish cIergyman's daughter, aged twelve,
"a A.. her father that a certain consequential
,,~r~or was a s'baste." Sharp parental reproof
keinr promptIy administered, miss retorted that
r.-- bnd used that very expression himself in
Ier- srnday's service. Certainly not. said the
r,~vercnd papa, with much emphasis .'Oh, but
700 DID, persisted the miss 81 heard you say
~ = ne that exalteth himself shall be abased.''
--E,sn Zine asked o'Shea: .'How is it that the
-.c~s reiiabIe account Of the Deluge makes no
nensiou Of Irishmen having been taken into the
-'tD;ril the one was, said O'Shea.
!. H1w then, was the race perpetuated?' ~
1FS'sb.'' said O'Shea, .'in those days the
H;sh ,rsre wealthy, and had a boat OF their own
Al fhevenne man will bet on anything. Two
1f 'sn p1t up five dollars apiece on wager that
80, e(11d hold a wasp in his hand longer than
i1c atAer could, and the fellow who rubbed
IIIttc[|rm on hIs hand expected 10 WIN. out the
cfttr allow happened TO know that male wasps
4sn't nsing and got one Of that sex, and they
<s4ttei their wasps and sat and smiled at each
c<t4r while the crowd wondered, until the
s.1ior.,f0rm egapOrated, and then the fellow who
.<e1 u, suddenly let go Of his wasp and let the
<<f'e Ne into the secret OF how TO swear the
-+1<&s of the roof.
AonDEEN' Stroke OF DIPLOMACY M. Guizot,
*t411 Do q visit to Lord Aberdeen in Scotland,
1<-< king to him in the park one day about
t<4 &glish system Of elections, when his host
<1~r< *l before modest cottage. "This little
4-R< be said, recalls TO me a shameful deed
~ " political Iife'' "What an act Of vio-
Ht4 "You shall hear. I had tenant here
~ N &pendent fellow, who annoyed me horribly.
~ |fy election be strenuously opposed me. |
"<E lp my mind to be rid OF him" ''Ha you
<@# him out2'' mo. I reduced his rent
rf fninea and destroyed his qualification. A