davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

Hancock, according to his frs,
campaign biographer. never loses hi.
politeness under the most trying cir
cumstances. He lie described as rally.
ing his troops for an attack in the
battle of Williamsburg with the
words. "Now, gentlemen, use the bay
onet."-Enchange.
At the same time the urbane gen.
tIeman from Ohio, Gen. Garfield, the
BAzoo is credlbly informed was Soy
ing. Gentlemen, step into my tent.
and let US all have q drink" Gen.
Hancock will do the fighting outside
and save the union. He can be de-
pended on for that, as We can for
doing the drinking, both of which are
necessary for the preservation of ocr
nation. I have just received a large
fee, which l earned as attorney, and
Ill Get 'em up. And they al took
sugar in ''their'n".
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

An exchange states good story of 9
census taker who asked an old lady
how many eggs her hens laid last year
She answered that she didn't know, a
she never ran around after them to gel
the eggs. well, how many chicken.
did you raise ? "Nhy. bless your life
sir. none, for just before they would
get grown, the hawks and the preach
ers would come along and eat the last
one Of them up-it is impossible to raise
chickens where preachers and hawks
travel.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

A respected woman 1t Lafayette,
Ind. has never been legally married
to the man WHOM she regards rs he,
husband. This is her way of keeping
the property which, by the terms Of
her FIRST husbands will, she would
lose by marrying again. And as the
Law is Q quiet neighbor and rarely in.
terferes with marriages In Hoosierdom,
she experiences no difficulty in her
new method Of holding her own prop.
erty.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

The volume of Shakespeare which
Col. Bob Ingersoll uses instead Of q
family Bible has inscribed on the
back, 1.-THE Inspired Book" On the
sides is the legend, 1.-The Volume Of
tho Brain" In the middle of the
book are blank pages for the family
register.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

The Sherman, Tex. Chronicle say.
that. one of that distinguished jury
which Turned the tiger Currie loose,
had just been released from the peni.
Tertiary. Another one Of the jury
men, who never was known to have q
cent, was said to be fairly coated with
greenbacks after the concern was dis
charuad
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

It is . noteworthy fact that thu
women suffragists were snubbed al
Chicago aud treated courteously a,
the Cincinnati convention. As q
party becomes corrupt it becomes un
gallant, and afraid for the pure eye
of woman to behold and criticise it,
ontSos,s
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

Jerusalem will soon be Q center Of
winter fashion if matters 20 on q:
they are going. Not only has it now
q German sanitary inspector and Other
officials to attend to the supply Of
water, street cleaning, etc., with q
view to making it . pleasant abode.
but it u announced that Lothian,
otherwise the Marquis of Butte, has
bought q villa near the Mount Of
Olives.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

The population of Kansas is esti
mated at $50, 900, which will give
them seven congressman. All the
hest citizens of that commonwealth
now lay awake of nights, and worry
themselves, wondering where they
can get men to run for those newly
made Offices. It's said they have no
of6ce-seekers in that state.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
Charles Francis Adame the vet.r.,

Charles Francis Adams, the veteran
republican statesman, says: 81 have
no sort Of sympathy with the republi.
can party because Of that act, and be.
cause it justified and sustained it.
After such IN act I have no desire to
sustain the republican party in any
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

Cincinnati platform The right t.
free ballot is the right preservativt
of alt rights, and must and shall bt
maintained in every part of the
United States That's the way t.
talk it.-Kaasas City Times.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

A president Of the United States
should be above suspicion. II
the people elect Hancock-as they are
going to do-they will have that
kind Of a president,
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
FOR PRESIDENT,
GEN. ". s. HANCOCK.
FOR vIcE-PREsIDENr,
WILLIAM il. ENGLISH.

The Hancock "boom" is the lest
which has yet occurred in this year OF
grace, 1880. 1t means the return OF
the democratic party to power, and
prosperity and happiness to the cou n
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
9L19il!RllIllIIlll!

DHYskIANs say IL is PERFECT SURsTI.
i II'TE for the suiphate 9uinine. Superior IN
tonic properties, and produces di-sgreeshie
eject.
Ioes the Same a. suiphaie Quinine Sold
by all Druggists. or sent by mail. prce 81 so Ter
or. nsilngs. Capp 4 Co.. CaEuisss, Bossoa.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
Bronchitis, Q Premoniter

0EOucnltl0, 0 fe0m00lt0f
at consumption. d characterized By
caisrrb or inhsmmst,on Of the mu-
Gus membrane Of the ar p.sssges
with cough and expecioration,
short breath, hoarsene-s, pains in
the chest. For all bronchial ,dec.
iions, sore throat, aphonis or lo>s
OF voice, coughs, "DR. SwAYxE's
COMPOUND SYRUP OF WILD
CHERRY, is = xe.l-knoun curative.
Pnce % cents, end 81 bottle. or
six bottles s.. The. large size il
the most economical. Prepared
only By Dr.. Swayne 4 Son, Paila-
delphis. Sold By ell prominent
druggists. An occ ,sional doe Of
Swaynes Pills should be taken to
keep the bowels free. They are
excellent for torpid liver and bill.
ious complaints.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

from S,f-At,use,
a. Mental Anx<
,~sy. Loss o!
Memory. Pain.
in Back ar side.
and dis aver
that lead Ia Con :
sumption. In
sanity si..t an
SadV 1nvp- n,e
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

Specific Medicine Is being used wIih vonderini
success.
Pamphlets cent Tree 10 all. Write for them q
get iull particulars.
Prise. epseiHc. SI.oc per psrkase. or six pnck-
aess for e5.Op. Address sill or,i~rs to
j. B. SIMPSON MEDICINE CO.,
Noe. l04 md los Main IT., Buffalo, n
Sold in Sedaiia by CLIFFORD Co.
SJl-d&w1yr
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

Popular illustrated book (s6o pages) a
MANHoODi WoNASHoop! MARRIAGE!
1mpediments to Marriage; tie cause and
cure. Sent sef&e.y sealed, postpaid, for 60
cents. BY d. {. WHITTIER, 6I7 S.
Charles Street, s.. Louis, No., he mes
0DeeiAfst. Read his work.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13

$ b $20ss.s::. s:. Car e. f a.. g.:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
I'd NERVOUS SrFFERERs-TRE GREAT Er-
ROPEAN RENEDY-BR. J. X. SIMPSONS
Specific MEDICINE

Weakness. Impo,~ncv srd an di>eas. : r..nI,,ny
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13


close beside her before he discovered
whom he MAS befriending.
30, DR.. Stone! It's but I'm
almost frozen-and-ani-you1I take
me home. won't you!
There was something very pathetic
10 her appeal, but he took no note
of it. only said. coldIy:
Certainly, Miss Derwent You can
hardly imagine that l would let a
human being perish when 1 could
save them BY 20 simple means."
Without another word he lifted her
into the buggy. drew the heavy robes
about her, and drove on a rapidly
~ was possible in such storm.
No: word was spoken. 1t vas
bad enough to be chilled BY the
cold it was infinitely worse to be
chilled BY such reserve, and as q,
sense of desolation swept over her,
Paula found that tears were chasing
zach other down her cheeks. She !
tried. as best her uumbed hands q
would allow, to find her baodker- b
'bief, ard falling in that. she drew
! corner of her robe hastily acrose :
her face. Instantly the great, silent
igure was alert and active. Leaving
he horse to take bis own course,
Dr.. Stone had drawn the two aching :.
title hands from their gloves and \
Tas pressing them between his own
Varm palms. I,
paula. Paula. poor child! doi't =
~. Was . brute, and you are .,
early perished with cold" And
hen he drew the little unresietine .
CURE close to him. and whistled old j. =
ray to bear them kistef, and aDured'
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-07-13
To the Ladies and Gentlemen
PROF. (SI7II.NrETrS.S
FRENCH KIDNEY PAD!


Al osU''t uE" 1STWuWW CUTS UW0T01NPPU
In all eases of Gravel. Diabetes, Dropsy. Brighrs
ease OF the Kidneys, lncontnence and Retention
OF Urine Inflammation ofthe Kidneys, Catarrh of
the Bladder. High Colored Urine. Pain i'm the
Back, Side or Loins, Nervous Weakness, and in
Tact sii disorders Of the BLADDER Organs
contracted by Diseases great remedy
has s~n used with France witt,
the most wonderful curative effects II no
internal osines being required hundred.
Of testimonials at failed.
LADIES your- suffering Female Weakness Ls.or-
r-s, peculiar anv disease of the
"neys ask druggist for Prof CsiIn1ettes French
Kidney Pad, and take he no, got H. send
81 anil Will the Pad by mail Address
Rrsn~h FRENCH PAD CO. Toledo ohio
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
John Rutgers Mistake.

Buiger is one of those young men who
are forever trying TO say something conf
cal at another persons expense, and un-
fortunately never succeed. The other
day Bulger was riding down town in q
horse car, when rustic looking gentle
man entered the car and took a seat di-
rectly opposite from where he sat. As
there were several persons in the car, Bull
ger seemed to think that il would be an
excellent opportunity for him to get of
some of his extraordinary. wit. So, ad-
dressing himself to the old gentleman op-
posite, he said in a tone loud enough to be
heard all over the car:
"Hem-how was everything in the
lunatic asylum when you came wayi"
But no one seemed to appreciate the joke,
excepting one old woman, who really
didn't see anything to laugh al, but grinned
lust out of politeness. The old gentleman,
although taken by surprise, quickly recov-
cred himself, and looking steadily at Bull
ger moment, his face suddenly brighten
Ell: extending his hand, he said, with q
m,schievous twinkle in his eyes:
ssWall, | swow! didn't know yer, but
hinder thort seed them clothes before;
A. tust rate, don't they? How dye like
The shirts Looks all right; wouldn't know
Init what twas yours; needs wsshin',
thourh. It's too tarnation bed them boot
ara 70 small yer can't wea, stockings with
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
Trout Fishers Yarns,

Having fished the lakes and streams oi
New England for thirty years, l have nae
some curious incidents occur, and thought
tine following might interest your readers
While fishing on a mountain stream, IN
swift water, / had rapid bite, and thought
I had hooked a large fish. On pulling out
7 had two trout on one line, one strung on
the cut. the hook passing through his
mouth and out his gill and hooked hrmiy
into the side of the other. Fish No. =, was
ten inches long, and. pulling sideways
against the stream, seemed q much larger
fish Second: While fishing in what we
call dead water on a stream In New lamp,
shire | saw a large fish 60 up stream
waited with fisherman's patience for an
bout or two, then crept up to the stream'
and threw at venture under an overhang-
inc bouph, and al the first throw had the
,-o,, fast. saw that he was a large one,
and thought / would play him. l then
SOW sow that he was pulling sideways. short,
ened % INV tackle and landed my prlIe, ano
then found that Lad not hooked nim' Da'
n INV throw had cast the hook ana hne
s-o,,nd him, making slip moose: On my
nav home, passing locksmlths shoP'
,s;d him on the old gents square, anu ~
Stretched sixteen inches-not q large nSn
but a large one for that place.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
a Blamed old Quaker"

He was peaceable looking man, with q
quiet-looking horse attached to an unat
tractive wagon. He wore q wide trimmed
hat and shad-bellIed coat as he drove
easily down the South Easton hill journey.
ing from Bucks county to the land OF
Northampton, Pa He was observed by q
fellow of the species trough" whom much
loafing had made impudent, and who lifted
us his yawp:
''S-a-a-y! hat, where are you going with
that mani"
''Verily, l journey beyond the river,
friendi" mildly responded the Quaker,
''and thIther goelh my hat also"
'Hold up! and take fellow along can t
you I" called out the man Of wrath.
Nay, friend. my business and inclina-
ton forbid it.
'I'n soon fix that :" and the fool ran
forward and jumped on the steps.
''Verily, friend if thee insist upon get
ting into my vehicle will even help thee,
and the man of peace reached out right
hand as resistless as an oyster dredge. II
caught the youth around the throat worse
than four year old diptheria, jerked him
into the wagon and slammed him down
among the straw, where he got tramped
upon by pair of number thirteen cowhldes
until he thoughl he had got caught in a
shower of spile drivers. Finally be got a
kick that lifted him clear over the side of
the wagon, had his head ran into The bank
by the roadside, where he dwindled down
in heap like gum shoe discouraged By a
street car, and murmured, as he rubbed his
ensanguined nose:
"Who'n blazes'd ever thought the cast
iron man'd gone around with steam up an
disguised as blamed old Quaker.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
Harris Carpet.

Mrs. Harris told hubby that she must
have carpet for the front room, and she
thought nifty dollar one would suit
MIR. Harris called in at the auction room
the next day. He didn't know a velvet
from rag carpet, but he bid as if be had
been in the business from childhood.
The auctioneer put up beautiful in
grain, worth about five cents a mile, and
asked how much he heard. Mr.. Harris bid
fifty cents yard.
Mir. Beales, who was in another part of
tie store, had been indulging very freely,
and be said Five"
Mr.. Harris wanted the carpet and he bid
sixty. Mr.. Besles said, ''Five."
Seventy" shouted MIR. Harris.
"FIvel" came from Beales' corner.
Mr. Harris became angry, and deter
mined to have that carpet if he never laid
up cent; so he yelled, lone dollar."
Mr.. Beales never moved an eyelash, but
be said. '.Five!''
By the time that the two had run the
carpet up to four dollars yard, both were
red in the face. Mr.. Beales' ''Five" came
regularly, and all other bidders gave up in
despair. Beales gave the people In his
neighborhood to understand that THAT was
his carpet
Mr.. Harris winked at his friends with a
wink that saId, ''lf don't get that carpet,
you can put me down as horse thief"
Before the matinee was over, Harris had
bid eleven dollars, and Beales said Five. u
The carpet was finally knocked down to
Beales; but when it was ascertained that
he only had five cents, the auctioneer' S
trusty assistant showed Mr.. Beales the hole
the carpenter had left in the front of the
building.
Mr.. Harris finally got the carpet for nine
dollars yard, and when he got it home,
having neglected 10 measure the room, he
found that it wouldn't fit the first floor of a
corn-cnb.
Mrs. Harris informed II. confidentially
that he was ''darned fool, and that he
didn'. know enough TO go in the house
when it rained. She uses the carpet for a
table-cloth, and Harris buys his carpets at
a regularly organized store now.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27

'em; but if do say it myself, that's good
leather in them boots, and shouldn't gin
them to yer if they hadn't been so ever
lsstingly too big for me. The old hat,
that looks material, too. got that hat second
hand from fellow for twenty cents;
just as good as twenty center; blind
man wouldn't know the difference. My
stars! tryin' TO get whiskers. amt We, or is
that dirt on yer lipi Why don't ye wear
that yaller'n green neckerchef gin yerf
Looks tremendous sight better'n that red
thing you've got ON. What? ha! ha, Ge
Whitikerl that's good un. I'll be burned
if you hain't got that collar on tother side
up" (Bulger wears stand-np collars. }
"Looks so queer l couldn't help laughing.
Amt yer kinder fraid you'll tumble down
some time and stick the pints inter yer
neck? How did yer get chance to ride
in the hoss-cari Know the feller what
takes the money. don't yer,"
''Sir!" screamed Bulger, Just recovering
from his astOnishment, and getting chance
for the first time TO put in word. ''Sir."
Tut? tut" continued the gentleman
from the country, you needn't say a
word, know Just how it Is; | should feel
the same way myself If anybody took me
frora the poor house and give me some
decent clothes. Yer needn't thank me;
don't won't to hear But mnst get off
the hoss-ear; and if you feel the least mite
chilly without underclothes don't be
ashamed to come round and ask for them.
But don't forget to come to my house, and
not go near the lunatic asylum, for they
are mighty strict there, and know they
wouldn't let you out again. Wall, 50 long;
take care of yourself
So saying, he sprang lightly from the
car and walked away, while Bulger, with
his face perfectly livid with rage, gasped:
''lt's lie!" never saw the old feol be-
fore in my lfe."
Bnt as the passengers still continued to
laugh, he left the car in disgust, and was
last seen, with his hat pulled over his eyes,
sneaking down side stIeeet. Poor Bulger!
The way of the transgressor is not plea
SAINT
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
Trade In Cat-Tails.

II may not be known that trade in cat
o'-nine tails. or cat-tails, or cstkins, or
whatsoever they may be rightly called,
is of some Importance and magnitude.
Whoever discovered and made known the
fact that the proper place for the swamp
nurtured ca;kin YVES the parlor and draw
ing room has not left his name behind, but
certain it is that in the year 1879, and
more particularly in the year 1880, catkins
began to be included in the house-furnish-
ing of ornamental things. At the present
time the demand is large and increasing,
and a useless weed has become an article
of commerce. The catkins are used with
pampas grass, sea oats and native grasses
TO make up the contents OF vases which
ornament mantels and room corners. This
has become the rage, as it is called, and
many room is undergoing the process of
catkin and grass adornement. For the re-
ceptiol of these grasses large and small
vases are used, according to location, and
drain pipe ornamented by home handiwork
are used for the same purpose as well as for
umbrella stands. The catkins with the
beautiful pampas grass add great deal to
to attraetlveness of any room, and partic-
ularly of that one with complimentary SUE.
soundings. The time was when the beau
ties of natural grasses were concealed un.
der coating of alum, or some other glis-
tening substance. From this tinsel we are
gradually turning to more correct taste,
even in such small matter Is catklns. One
firm in Providsnce has laid In stock Of
about three thousand catklnaL
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
A Tailor's Blunder.

/ did a nice clever trick when | first set
up tor myself, which you shall hear That
large house Just opposite 10 mine is Lord
Ms town residence. | made q fish
ing-suit for one Of the young honorables,
! and was ordered to go-over, and get paid
The hall porter who let me in told me to
walk upstairs. l met ON the landing a
little old woman, in a stuff gown and white
apron, with basketful of keys on her
arm. / made SURE she was the housekeep-
er, and so told her my business.
step into this room, young man. she
said, ''and will pay you"
My bill was not more than fifty shil-
lings; and, as soon as | received the
money, l put half sovereign into her
hand.
I'm very sorry, ma'am," said /, 'that
l cannot afford more; but, if you would
only get his lordship to give me the order
for the Christmas lIveries, I'd DO the hand
some thing by YOU"
''And pray what would that be ~ asked
she, looking at me with her little shining
black eyes.
Nothing less than new silk gown,
that | can promise" / replied. 81 hope
you will speak to his lordship about this
little matter, and lose no time"
Il certainly will do So" said she; and
you shall be informed with what effect this
very day.
Bring over the news yourself, old gal,
If you can" rejoined land III find you
a drop of the real stuff out of bottle
keep in the shop
left the house, feeling quite sure that
had secured the chance Of good order
About five minutes after lot back to my
shop, in came the butler.
''Nr. Dean, said he, ''his lordship has
given strict orders that on no account are
you to be admitted into the house again,
because OF your impertinence to my
lady,"
'Your ladyln said |. why, never
set eyes on her."
81 heard her tell his lordship that you
called her old GAL"
''Eh! what!" articulated, wide awake
in moment
And told her, that, if she'd come over
to your shop, you'd treat her - drop of
something short"
What !" said |, ''was 1t Lady NJ
that was speaking to? BY George. !
took her for the honsekeeper."
Well, of course lost the custom of
Lord NJ. But what vexed me most,
was, that also los; the half-sovereign.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-10-27
Uncle Dan McCaniev'- "AunIhiIator, ~

One morning as Dan McCauley the aster,
was about to get on board the train at Viz
gInia City, New, queer looking man
stepped up to him and asked for a few
minutes conversation which was pleasantly
granted by Mr., McCauley, who has less
airs about him with strangers than any
actor in the profession.
''Td like to see that anBihilator that you
have-that gun that shOyes out like tele-
scope"
Certainly, sir; have it in my valise.
1t frequently comes handy when strangers
fool with me.
The actor went into the tram, followed
by the stranger, and sOOn produced his
''annihilator," which the other grasped
eagerly and began to work, his eyes gleam-
ing with delight.
That daisy, by Jove it is, What's
it's rangel"
81 never really knew how far it would
shoot. 1t carries pound of powder to
pint of shot and spreads ont in all dIrec-
tons
'Tye got little racket myselfi'' said
the stranger, pulling out an immense six
shooter from behind. That's the boy
that was the terror of Phoebe for years"
'.Ah. Are YOU the celebrated Pat Hol-
land, poet, and fighter of PiOche?"
Il am pretty well recognized in the
sage-brush country by that name, When
| haul this machinery it clears the street
quicker than squad of New York police
could do it. I'd like to buy that ami
hilator of yours, for a sort of companion
piece, as it were, to mine-something to
balance me on the other side
TO tell you the truth Mr.. Holland" re-
piled McCauley, laughing, ''ths affair of
mine is only sham. IL DOESN'T shoot at
adjust meant for the stage you know
'Holy Moses You don't mean to say
that you can't kill man with itln
Exactly
Goodbye, I've been going to see you
night after night, suppOsin' this weapon
was the real cheese, and Pm sold used
to dream about 1t at night, and now to find
out it's fraud. LIS too terribe.'
Here Pat sat down on car step and
wept like child.