West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-06-19
How to Cure a Cold

Mark Twain says the first time that |
began TO sneeze friend told me to 20 and
bathc my feet IN hot water, and go TO bed.
| did So. Shortly after, a friend told me
TO get up and take a cold shower bath.
did that also. Within an hour another
friend told me II was policy TO feed cold
and starve fever. | had both; | thought
Il best TO al up for the cold, and let the
fever starve awhile In a case OF this kind
| seldom do things by halves; ate pretty
heartily. | conferred my custom upon a
stranger who had just opened restaurant
on COrtlandt street, near the hotel, that
morning, paying him so much for n meal.
lie waited near me in respectful silence
until had finished feeding my cold, when
he inquired whether people about New
York were much afflicted with colds.
told him ! thought they were. He then
went out and took In his sign. started
up toward the office, and on the walk en-
Countcrcd another bosom friend, who told
me that quart of salt water would come
as near curing cold as anything i'm the
world. hardly thought had room for
1t, but tried il anyhow. The result was
surprising. believe threw up my whole
interior. Now, IA ! give my experience
only for the benefit of those of your friends
who are troubled with this distempcr. |
feel that they will see the propricty of my
cauuoning them against such portions of il
as proved inefficient with me and acting
upon this conviction | warn them against
warm salt water II may bc good enough
remedy, but think IL il rather severe. If
| had another cold i'm the head, and there
was this course left me--to take either mn
earthquake or n quart Of warm salt water.
| would take my chances on the earthquake.
After this, everybody i'm the hotel became
interested; and took all sorts of remedies
hot lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper
tea, boncsct, stewed Quaker, hoarhound
syrup, onions and loaf sugar, lemons and
brown sugar, vinegar and laudnnum, five
bottles fir balsam, eight bottles cherry pee
toral, and ten bottles of Uncle Sans RENE
dy, but all without effect One of the pre-
scrptions given 10y AN old lady was-wclI,
1t was dreadful. She mixed decoction
composed of molasscs, catnip, peppermint
aquafortis, turpcntinc, kerosene, and vari-
Gus other drugs, and instructed me To takcn
wincglass Of IL every fifteen minutes.
never took but one dose; that was enough.
had TO take my bed, and remain there for
two entire days When felt "A little bet
ter, more things were recommended.
was desperate, and willing to take anything.
PLAIN gin was recommended, and then gin
and molasses, and then gun and onions
took all three. | detected no particular re
suit, however, except that had acquired "A
breath like n turkey -buzznrd and had to
change my boarding place. had never re-
fused toa remedy yet, and II seemed poor pol
icy commence then; therefore determined
10 take IA shcct-bath, though / had no idea
what sort OF AN arrangement it was. IL
was administered at midnight, and the
weather was very frosty. My back and
breast were stripped; aud sheet Cthore ap.
pcarcd to be "A thousand yards of i'd soaked
I'm ice water was wound around me until |
rcsemblcd "A swab for columbiad. IL is
cruel experiment. When the chilly rag
touches ones warm flesh, it makes him
start with n sudden violence, and gasp for
breath, just AZ men do in the death agony
IL frozc the marrow i'm my bones, and
stopped the beating of my heart. thought
my time had come When / recovered
from this, friend ordered the application
OF mustard plaster to my breast ! be.
licve that would have cured me oTcctunlly.
if it had not been for young Clemens.
When ! went 10 bed, | put the mustard
plaster where | could reach it when should
be ready for 1t. But young Clemens got
hungry IN the night and ate it up. never
saw any child have such an appetite. am
confident that he would have eaten me If
had been healthy.