The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-12-08
ss HUMOROUS BREyITIEs.

A MAN who opens oysters tdoes Kings
by halves.
THERE'S lots of cold comfort in hun.
bred pounds of ice.
ONE-HAIF of the world doesn't know
how the other half lies.
A NEVADA ball report says: "Honora
X was full of gelatin fact, the eclatest
lady present"
"YoU can't play that on me p said the
piano to the amateur who broke down on
II difficult piece Of music
"OyE touch of you, ma, makes the
whole world spin, as tho boy said when
his mother boxed his ears.
DARLING husband" she said, 'am
not your treasurer Certainly" he re-
piled, 'and l should like to lay you up
i'll heaven.
The editor of the Cincinnati CONNER
cial. who has farming IDEAS, thought
that to have buttermilk he must buy o
goat. -Nc0 York Heratd.
ONE of the first acquisitions received
from IL newly-appointed railway station
agent was: "Send me n gallon OF red
oil for the danger lanterns.
WHEN you see two dogs growing and
getting ready to fight, remember that 1t
is only Joint debate, and the liveliest
dog will got away with the joint"
'Do you get any holidays in your Of
ficc?" asked returned divine OF cher.
ry-looking worker in secular walks. "Oh,
yes we get day to get buried on"
"ClpHERNG:" School boy (kept inn
"Lets see-one TINS ought's ought.
Twice ought's ought. Three TINS ought
oh, must be something-stick it down
one"
A YOUNG lady at m examination in
grammar was asked why "the man bach
elor was singular?' She replied imme-
diately, because it is very singular they
don't get married"
"YoU wouldn't take mans last cent
for u cigar, would you?" Certainly [
would, remarked the proprietor. "Well,
here it is, then" passing over cent,
"give me the cigar"
A WESTERN writer thinks that II the
proper way to spell tho is Though" ato
is 'eight," and bOcS is "beaux," the
proper way to sspell potatoes is pough-
teighteaux. C iepciatd SIN.
"TnERr Are No Birds in Last Years
Nests is the title of a song Probably
not. If it were equally sure that there
are no rats in last years rat holes the
public mind would be more at rest.
THE Vermont housewife who read that
English mobiles have lots of hares in their
preserves, says she tried it to the extent
of putting n whole chignon into some
blackberry Jam. and the jam didn't seem
n bit better for it.
"SrtALL we sell or abandon our girls?"
editorially asks the editor Of the HalDk-
cyc Do neither Give EN- away. When
u girl is given away, if she is not sold, !"
the young man is--in majority OF cases.
-NorriStown Hcrdid.
Two ladies in the horse car were talk
ing about nm actress whom they had just
seen. "She is too stout" said one. sob,
no. replied the other, who slightly
tended towards CmbOnpOint. "She is
more than stout; she's fat"
The truly atlectionate and sensible
wife approaches her husband with be.
nignant expression of countenance, and
gcntlylaying her hand upon his shoulder,
observes, Charley, dear, please don't
spend any more money for cardamom
seeds. I'll try and stand it if You wont
kiss me on the lips.
A LADY correspondent of the Cincin'
natl enquirer says: II know a fashion:
able belle who has her arms lathered and
shaved from end to end by barber once
month" Aha! This explains why
female arms become bald-headed at such
M early age.-PhiIadetphia Chronicle
LrInIA