Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-03-22
FACTS AND FANgIEa.

Dinkelspiel says "Vennor's vedder is
vetter dan likes vether or no."
No, Rebecca you do not cook beef on q
cattle range. Il Yonkers Statesman.
The 7racelers' Record finds that biogra-
phies of great men are usually their
ougHt to be ographies-not what they
really are.
The Boston advertiser concludes that il
is better to hire watchdog than to buy
one, as DR.. Watts says 'Let dogs delight
to bark and bite"
The Elmira Advertiser remarks some
what sadly that some of the dearest spots
on earth are mortgaged. 1t is always best
to buy real estate cheap.
An Ohio girl sued man for breach of
promise, and proved him such mean
scoundrel that the jury decided she ought
to pay him something for not marrying
her.
A sign which reads Positively no Ad-
mittance will stop bore just about as
long as bullet made of butter Money
can be saved by cutting off the ''posi-
lively"
'sMoney does everything for a man."
said an old gentleman, pompously. " Yes, "
replied the other one, "but money won't
do as much for a man as some men will do
for money"
This being leap year, the Detroit Free
Press says that any wife is privileged to go
down town after 10 o'clock and hunt up her
husband and read him a lecture on larks
and other birds.
A new book is out bearing the strange
title, ga Woman After All" It is bound
to sell in leap year, and should bring com
fort to every bachelor heart. New Or
leans Picayune.
"No," said Talkington mo, / never
go to church. What does it amount to,
anyway ?-sermons and collections I can
read better sermons at home, and as for
collections why, man, I've collections
without number, both in prose and verse.
Boston Transcript.
"Why am [ made sandwich said
young Snobson plaintively, as lady sat
down either side of him in a horse-car.
'rBecause we are better bred than you
are, !" said one of the damsels sweetly, and
Snobson mustard courage enough to squeeze
out to the platform. IL boston Commercial
Bulletin.
A teacher il the Wiltwyck, Ulster
county, school recently electrified her spu-
pills, who were annoying her with ques-
tions, "Children, am engaged" Motto
ing the general look of astonishment, she
added, But not to any fool of man."
and the excitement died away : Kingston
Freeman.
He had asked for her photograph. She
excused herself with some kind OF story
about her negative being lost, and another
would have to be secured, ETC., vixen he
interrupted her rather warmly with the re-
mark, ''What do you suppose [ care for
your negative, Carrie? It's your affirma-
tive I've been after these six months !"
She said nothing but kind O. turned up the
whites of her eyes, and he-well, it is
nobody's business what he did. It is only
necessary to say that he started for the
tailors the first thing next morning, and
she-why she has done nothing but try on
all sorts of things ever ince.-TBoston
Transcript.
A Zulu youth cannot marry a girl until
he has whipped all her brothers and given
her father fall, if demanded, in addition.
This makes a courtshlp more exciting than
chocolate caramels and gumdrops but the
Zulu maiden who has four brothers weigh
ing one hundred and eighty pounds each,
and measuring fifty inches around the
waist, generelly dies an old maid, while the
girl whose brothers are weak and sickly,
and whose father is sleeping beneath the
daisies, is overrun with proposals. 1t is
queer custom, and if it was in vogue in
this country a girl who is an only child
and a half orphan ON her fathers side,
would be at premium. i Norristown
Herald.
Never get out of temper with a barber.
A gentleman not long since was sitting in
a BARRIERS chair trying to read the morning
paper while having his hair cut. The bar
Der in the meantime was worrying him
with the recital of long story about the
BARRIERS boy and the shoemaker's daughter
at the last Saturday nights ball, story
which was strung out until forbearance
ceased to be virtuous, when the man being
Clipped looked up somewhat annoyed, and
exclaimed impatiently: "Oh, cut itshort"
The barber did cut it short. When that
man left the chair he was as bald as new
born baby. He wears smoking-cap in
church now, and is bothered to death by
small boys who hand him bills of the thea
| ter where the can-can is danced
A clergyman recently left Liverpool in
large ocean steamer, and, beginning to feel
uncomfortable after leaving the mouth Of
the river, sought the captain to learn if
there was any danger. The captain, in re-
sponse, led the clergyman to the forecastle
and told him to listen to what was going
on. The clergyman was shocked to hear
the sailors swearing vigorously, and ex-
/ pressed his horror to the captain. The cap.
tain merely remarked, "Do you think
these men would swear in such manner
if there was any real danger?" whereupon
| the parson seemed satisfied and retired. A
day or two after, during severe storm,
the captain saw the clergyman proceeding
with difficulty to the forecastle, and on his
return overheard him exclaim, ''Thank
heaven they're swearing yeti"