The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-07-16
VARIETIES.

We are told that "Gen Sherman was al
ways coolest when on the point of attack i"
Most people are hottest when on the point of
Il tack
There are three kinds of hair: Banged
hair, baked hare, and hair parted in the mid
die. The first is tender, the second more
tender, the last bartender.
The man who is curious to see how the
world could get along without him can find
out by sticking a cambria needle into /. mill
pond and then withdrawing it and looking
at the hole.
q am very much afraid of lightning"
said pretty young lady. "And well you
may be-" replied despairing lover, "'as your
heart is made of STEEL
An old gentleman who had passed eighty
years, committed suicide because his wife had
recently died. This story was related TO n
young lady, who haughtily remarked, "And
did he kill himself, so that he need not marry
again ?"
Not long ago, in the Court of Sessions,
an Irish lawyer, while arguing with earnest
ness his cause, stated point which the court
ruled out. "Well," said the attorney, "if it
place the coort, if am wrong in this have
another point that is equally as conclusive"
AT an Indiana breakfast table, few DAYS
ago, n traveller from the East handed to one
of his fellow travellers n plate of sausages,
whercupon the question was asked, us it
safe?" TO which was replied: This is IA
prolific hog country, and it is safe to eat sau-
sagcs whenever hog is cheaper than dog"
This is the hottest summer ever have
experienced" said one Galveston man to an
other. 81 suffered more from the hot weather
lea Of ,In1
were not here last summer" "That makes
no difference suffered after I rot back in
the fall by hearing you talk about it so
much"
They were walking together in the park.
Said he feelingly, "a beautiful night !" YES"
sighed she, "a beautiful night, but nobody
loves mew "None," he said, bending closer
81 am sure there is one." Blushinglv she
stammered, "Who?" "Your mothcr.b And
then they walked sixteen squares home with.
out exchanging remark.
Jones, why don't you have your boy
taught music?" at wouldn't be any use 3
"Why not 2" Gle hasn't any ear for it,
"llow do You know he hasn'tY" st isn't in
the family. | haven't any ear for it. Why,
if a man should bring me hand-organ that
would play odd Hundred l couldn't get
more than seventy-five out of it,"
The master of negro in Virginia threat
encd to give his sable attendant flogging if
he boiled his eggs hard again. "You rascal ~
shouted the enraged planter, didn't | tell
you to cook those eggs soft?" Eyes, massa,"
said the frighted negro. an got up at two
o'clock dis mornin' and billed dem five hours
and it seems to me never kin get desc eggs
softer"
You haven't asked me all the questions,
Miss; now don't say you have, for you know
you haven't NO." replied the census taker,
demurely. 81 haven't asked you, sir, whether
you could read or write, because that would
be an insult | haven't asked you whether
you were negro, because can see that Won
are not. | haven't asked you whether YOU
are lame or blind or deaf, for the same rca
son. and haven't asked you whether YOU
are an idiot, because that is unnecessary
-"Prisoncr at the bar" said the Judge to
the man on trial for murder, sis there any
thing you wish to say before sentence is
passed upon you?" Judge" replied the pris-
oner, solemnly; Judge, there has been alto
sethcr too much said already. | knew all
along somebody would get hurt if these poo
pie didn't keep their mouths shut. 1t might
MS well be me, perhaps as anybody else
Drive on, judge, and give us as little senti-
ment as you can get along on. | can stand
hanging, but | hate gushr
"A number of boys, young and old, were
fishing down on IL Galveston wharf, when a
boy of about twelve fell Off and would have
met with watery grave had it not been for
the energy and presence of mind of old Uncle
Nose. After the boy was safely landed by
slander took occasion to praise old Nose for
the hcroism he had displayed
us the boy your ~ asked the sympa-
thetic spectator.
mo, boss, but he mout jess as well been.
He had all the bait in his pocket"