The Newtown bee., 1880-11-10
HUMOROUS.

Itisa poor speller who docs not keep an to business.
 A sick man is considered out of danger when the doctor ceases to visit him.
 A burning question: Will Edison ever get that lamp of his to go?-1orossSo Grip.
 Funny, but yo1 wouldn't patronize 8 tailor unless he gave yon its---heoias Constiifttion.
 The necklace, usually worn on the street, is supplanted by red flannel rag for house wear
 The short girl should not cry because she's not tall; let her remefy the evil by getting spliced.
 As usual, diamonds are worn in the ears with much effect abroad, but bit of cotton and a little roast onion IS the usual adornment at home.
 Alonzo wants to know "if 1t hurts man 10 be called a liar?n No. Alonzo. no; it is more likely to hurt the other man.-Btrlin9tC HdlCkeye.
 "Go see what I have seen; go feel what I have felt" remarked chap who jiad made a critical examination of a hornets nest.-Keoluk Gate CSty.
 When is a carpet like g sailboata When it is tacke1. When is it like a riot7 When it is put down. When is it like note? When it is taken up: When is it like a defeated candidatee When it is beaten. When IS 1t like these jokesP When it is worn out A lady wants to know why the rail. road companies do not provide special cars for tobacco chewers as well as for smukers. Bless your innocent hearti tobacco chewers are not so particular as that; an ordinary passenger car IS good enough for them.-Boston ITdnscrIpt.
 Beyond reason.-Doctor: @ Oh, there YOU are, Smithl How's the wifes" Farmer: "Wuss, I'm afeard, sir: Doctor: "Indeedl Is she wandering~ Farmer: "No. no; she's sensibIe. That's what I'm afeard of. l never knowed her so sensible. She's onnat- rally sensible. ."-Ftan. | Just as a Brooklyn. citizen called his | five-year-old son into the house the other day, playmate gave the boy & slap in the face. and he ran to his father for protection. My son." said the fond father, when boy hits you like that you must always strike back" " "Oh. papa, I did; l hit him yester- day."
 Science now says that kissing on the lips must be abolished in the interests of health. Most potent, grave and rev. erend seigniors, scholars and phi loso- phers, there are moments you know nothing of, when man don't care two cents for science, and when he IS going to plant kisses where they belong II the health is ripped from Alpha to Ser sheb NeT-ide5l Recorder.
 Sometimes, not often, when the days
 short
 And peaceful sits the bulldog by the gate. Her papa gives & sudden, gloomy snort, | Remarking that the hour Is rather late | I hear the old man coming up the hall, | The drowsy murmur ot his awful boot l Grabbing my yellow ulster like a pal
 get rum 2g start and of scoot-
 Sometimes. -Bostoa Globe.
 There seems to be great anxiety ans. impatience on the part of the people fo see the revised edition af the BiS,e, that | they may see what changes have been made. The trouble with most people will be that they don't know enough about tie old Bible to recognize the change when they see it. We heard s man say that he considered this uEau' thorized meddling with and changing , of the sseTed book little less than bias 5 phemy. And at the time of making in ! remark he was hunting ali through the book of Job to find the quotation "Make hay while the sun shines. '- . |