The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1880-11-24
Mr.. Matthews.

goes to bed at nine o'clock. Mr..
Pinney IS also full of theories.
Whether we consider the quantity
. of his theories or the smallness of
his mind, it is certain that he has
, more theories to cubic inch Of
, brains than any other man now liy-
, ing. Among them Is his belief that
( to rise early is the chief of all vir-
. tues. He gets up at five o'clock and
has his breakfast at a quarter past
. FIVE When it is mentioned that he Is
one of those men who are constant
" telling everybody how early he
gets up. and how much he does be-
fore other people are awake, the of
/, fensive character of the man will be
at once perceived.
Mr. Matthews, on the contrary sits
up late and gets up at nine o'clock.
He is as busy q man as Mr. Pinney.
: although in a somewhat different
way. He has the affairs of the ma
ton on his shoulders, and from sev-
en- to twelve in the evening hemeets
| his fellow-citizens at Smiths grocery,
and sets forth the principles of the
grand old Democratic party mixed
with little sugar and water and
! favored with 4 little old lemon
peel.
/ Every morning II FIVE o'clock Mr..
Matthews is awakened by Mr. Pin
ney's breakfast-bell, which has a pc
culiar piercing tone, and which lac
crates his nerves. He finds itimpos-
sible 10 get asleep again, and, there
/ fore, tosses uneasily IN his bed for
the next four hours. Recently he
appealed to Mr.. Pinney to silence
that dreadful bell, but Mr.. Pinney
said that everybody ought to get up
at five o'clock, and that he would not
pander to Mr.. Matthew's laziness
in any way. Then Mr. Matthews
grew angry. and went away mur-
muring that he would get square
with his obstinate neighbor.
The next day Mr. Pinney was
very much surprised to find that q
large flag was waving over Mr.
Matthew's house, and that his front
ward was ornamcnted with 4 large
howitzer. Mr.. Matthews explained
to inquiring friends that he loved
| the old flag intensely, and intended
| henceforth to do ii honor. He said
that he should haul the flag down
every night at precisely twelve
O'Clock. and should hoist again every
morning at one o'clock, and that
on each occasion he should salute it |
with his gun.
Accordingly, at midnight Mr. PIN |
ncy was startled by the roar of the
howitzer, which disturbed his slum-
bers so cffectually that 1t was fully !
three-puarters of an hour before he
could 90 to sleep again, and he had |
hardly closed his eyes when the one |
o'clock gun made him fairly spring |
out of bed. and had such an effect |
on his nerves that he lay awake al !
the rest Of the night The same re-
suits attended the hauling down |
and hosting Of Mr. Matthew's flag
every night tor the ensuing week, by |
the end of which time Mr.. Pinney |
was in 4 most pitiable nervous con-
dition. He knew that it would be |
useless to appeal to his e1as9erated
neighbor unless be first were to
abolish his own breakfast bell, and |
he did not, as vet, feel sufficiently |
humbled to take this step.
After due reflection Mr. Pinney /
bought an alarm clock so construct
ed that at the expiration OF every
hour a weight would be dropped on
a Chinese gong. This clock ne plac-
ed at window fronting Mr.. Mat
thews's house, and he hired two boys
to sit up with it and wind up the
alarm whenever invent OFF. Itmay
beasked why he did not hire the boys
to beat an hourly gong, and thus
dispense with the clock. Mr. Pin
ney's answer to this question would
undoubtedly be that such pro-
ceeding would be regarded as a pre-
meditated plan 10 annoy MS neigh
Dor, whereas it IS notorious that
every man has Z right TO own an
alarm clock and to use it as his con.
venience may dictate.
While Mr.. Pinney tried to sleep
in remote room with his ears stuff
ed with cotton and covered with q
bandage, and was disturbed only by
the Matthews gun, Mr.. Matthews
found that the gong rendered it i'm
possible for him 20 sleep at any
time. He tried cotton, bat It did
not do him any good. Last Non
day, therefore, he determined TO try
the effect OF firing a salute of one
hundred guns, beginning at mid
night and lasting until FIVE O'Clock.
This has had the desired effect upon
Mr.. Pinney, who cannot sleep a SIN
gle wink at night, and who IS forced
to turn day into night by going 10
bed inrthe afternoon, when Mr.. Mat
thew5 is discussing national affairs.
The latter sleeps from about six In
the morning until ten, and. ike his
neighbor, IS becoming frightfully !
haggard and nervous from want Of
sufficient sleep.
What the result viii be no one
can foresee. Mr.. Matthews, as the
original sufferer from the Pinney
bell, has the sympathy of most Of
his fellow-townsman, and as both
Mr.. Matthews and Mr.. Pinney live q
long way out of the village, their
nocturnal exploits disturb only their
own families. The two obstinate
men spend the entire night in keep
ing one another awake, and until
they become so weakened by want
of sleep that they are compelled to
abandon hostilities they viii burn
powder and bang gongs with IN
fiinching and unwinking persever-
ance.-N Y. TImes.
Good ADVICE.