Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-01-09
F. U N

THE TRAMP's VICT0RY.-A citizen Of
Howard street was picking his teeth at
his gate the other noon after hearty din
ner, when tramp came around the cor
ner and halted before him.
s'No usel" said the citizen, "I've no
food for tramps."
81 didn't ask you for any, did I?'' an
swered the man.
''No; but You look as if you wanted to. !"
''Well. can't help my looks. but I'm
no beggar. I pay for all I get. You look
to me like a gentleman. y
tsY-e-s.'' ~
ssYou have smart, intelligent look
about you.'' is
swell, I hope co."
ssI'd pick you out anywhere from the
common herd, I would" continued the
tramp, as he gently rubbed his back on
the fence.
''Well, that's pretty good, . said the cit
izen, as he stroked his whiskem, shut
what is all this talk about 7"
"Iu tell you. I'm nothing but an old
tramp. T don't know buckwheat from
broom corn. while you know everything.
Give me chance and III give you one.
I see you have got two cords of wood ct
the side gate, and I'll make you this offer,
II you make speech ten minutes long,
I'll saw that wood for nothing. If you
break down, you shall give . square din
ner and III move on"
ssBy Georgel but I'll do that" chuck
led the citizen.
Every well; III stand to my bargain. >,
The citizen threw away his toothpick,
pulled out his watch, cleared his throat,
and began: aat
ssFell0w Citizens. We are called togeth-
or here to-day by common impulse. We
have met we have met hase-we
have" .ass
You can try once m0re-I don't want
to be hard on you'' observed the tramp
as the citizen broke down. Try the
financial question this time"
Thus encouraged, the citizen led off
with. 7@ s.2a''
Fellow Citizens. You have patiently
listed to the long winded remarks Of Sam
Cary. He has told you that . piece of
paper is as good as gold dollar he has
told you that-he has had the impudence
to assert that-that is, he has told you
told you" !
I'll give you one more chance" nid
the tramp, as the breakdown seemed
complete.
.sBut won't take it, replied the citi-
zen. lyon 90 around to the back door
and III tell the girl to set you out the best
dinner you've had in a year, and don't be
in hurry about leaving the table, either!"
Mr.. Chauncey M. Depew told this story
at the recent New England dinner: In the
Berkshire hills there was funeral. The
woman who mingles curiosity with pity
was there with the mourners. To the at
ficted widow, ina melancholy voice. she
said, "When did you get your new eight
day clock ?'' 81 amt got got mo new
eight day clock. . responded the bereaved
widow. '<Why, what is that in the cor
ner :? Amt that an eight day clock p"
persisted the curious visitor. mo; that
amt clock, that's the deceased. We
stood it on end in the corner to make
room for the mourners."
Tommy had finished saying bis. prayers
the other night, and was sitting on She
bad. wak his arms clasped around shis
Knees. wien he fnterroeated his nurse in
sla wise: "AaTy, why do we always say
zzaens Why don't We sometimes say
sheep, dog, horse, cow" He was
tucked In with the remark that curiosity
led to the fall Of our first parents, and he
went to sleep puzzled, like many another
religious inquirer, who has been graphing
with subjects beyond his comprehension.
They had a ''good-sized" snow storm
along the line of the Northern Pacific
Railroad the other day, and this is the way
the Fargo "Argus" raves about it: 49,
on, the snow. $50
II Made Last Night SO Jolly, You Know, ~
Belahng the Trains and Grounding the Wires,
as Blizzarding Over the Land lsf
1t FireG
o, Give lis Chance, With Big Sharp Hoe,
at the son-of-a-Gun Who Wrote 4
beautiful Snow"
A good Rochester pastor, widoweF.
proposed to young lady short time
since, but was rejected. His feelings had
the second severe test when q widow
neighbor sent him the following text to
preach from: "You ask and receive not
because you ask a miss. flames w., 3.
We trust the good man was encouraged to
try again, and that the next time he asked
,.,arc ~,nr Fsff~
A tenant has been dancing all night
over the head Of his landlord. At six in
the morning the latter comes up stairs
and complains bitterly Of the annoyance.
ss.What annoyance?" asks the tenant.
'sWhy, I haven't slept wink all night"
is the answer. ''Neither have l." says the
tenant, ''and yet don't make any fuss
about it,
'Oh, yes, wait till Christmas" snarled
the youthful scion, sthat's always the
way. If want new sled, wait till Christ
mas; a pair Of skates, wait till Christmas.
WAITED last year, and / didn't get sled or
skates either. Nothing but book with q
red cover and little baby card with YER
SEES on it. Christmas is fraud. Boys
never get nothing they want"
..How far is it to Butler, il 1 keep
straight on 7" "Wall, if you're goin' to
keep straight on. it's about twenty-five
thousand miles, but il you turn round
t,other way it's about half ? mile ~
uo1e tho ahonninS world ia ont lookin0