The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1880-12-25
SHORT BITS.

A lady wants to know why the railroad
companies do not provide special cars
for tobacco-chewers, as we'll as for
smokers. Bless your innocent hearts
tobacco chewers are not so particular as
that. An ordinary passenger car is good
enough for them.
That was very pointed and possibly
very wholesome bit of sarcasm when a
gentleman turned upon a coxcomh, who
had been making himself offensive, and
said "Sir, you ought to be the happiest
man in the world You are in love with
yourself and have no rival
Boston is trying to compel gentlemen
to appear in full dress at opera. That is
right 1t doesn't look well to see man
at an opera pull of his coat and vest and
throw them over the back OF chair, and
then remove his necktie and unbutton
his shirt-collar, just because the temper
ature of the room goes up to SO degrees.
''What kind of wrapper do you con-
slider nicest?" he said, as they were toll
ing slowly up the hill the other evening
in the calm and peaceful moonlight.
why, circular" she replied in tender
accents. And as his arm stole softly
scribe saw another instance of that beau
tiful and time-honored sentiment, 1.-TWO
souls with but single thought, etc.
SATAN.-If the personality of Satan be
not vital principal of our religion, / do
not know what it Is. There is only one
dogma higher. You think it is safe, and
dare say it is fashionable, to fall into
this lax and really thoughtless discrimi-
nation between what is and what is not
to be believed 1t is not good taste to
believe in the devil. Give me single
argument against his personality which
is not applicable to the personality of
the Deity. Will you give that up; and
if SO, where are you? Now mark me;
you and l are young men-you are
very young man. This is the year of
grace 1882 If these loose thoughts,
which you have heedlessly taken up, pre-
vail in this country for generation or
so-fve and twenty or thirty years-we
may meet together again, and | shall
have to convince you that there is
God.-p Endymion Earl of Beaeonsield.
GRATING IN WINTER. .-Somo horticul-
tural wiseacres have discovered that
fruit grating can be done in the winter
season nearly as successfully as in the
spring, and regard it as discovery of
vast importance. We should suppose
that, as this work is by no means agrcea-
BILE when the mercury stands below the
freezing point, the three spring months,
when grating is sure to be successful
when done with any degree of care,
would be ample time for the labor to be
performed, even in the most extensive
nurseries. Those who may like it and
are willing to run the risk of winter
grating, will of course exercise their
own wish about it; but we would sug-
gest to those who have valuable apples
or pears that they are anxious To propa-
gate. to adhere to the more favorable
seasons for doing the work.
The church was warm, the minister
was dull, and everybody f5ll asleep ex-
cept the half-witted man, James Flem-
ing. my brethren" shouted the indig
nant pastor, .syou should take the ex-
ample of that fool there. He keeps
awake" SAY, ay, minister" shouted
JaEiie; 'tbut If hadn't been fool, I
wokld have been asleep like the ithers."