The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-01-09
SCISSORISMS.

Mrs. Partington says Ike has bought
horse so spirituous that it always goes
off on decauter.
"Digby, will you take some ce this
butterr "Thank you, a'am; / belong
to the temperance society-can't take
anything strong," replied Digby.
A law student stated what he allezcA
to be legal maxim, as follows: "When
one of two innocent parties must suffer
the culpable one must bear the loss"
It is just as easy for child to fall in
to tub of cold water, as into tub Of
hot water, and yet we never read of
ohild's falling into a tub of cold water.
Country people are always good.
The wife may sow tares, rip and darn
in the house, while the husband goes
down to the meadow and dams the
brook.
"You just take bottle of my medi-
rine," said quack doctor to con-
sumptive, "and you'll never cough
again." "Is it 80 fatal as thatp" gasp
ed the consumptive.
A modern philosopher thinks It Is .
stronger attachments than men. A
man is often attached to an old hat;
but, he asks, "whO ever heard of wO-
man being attached to an old bonnets,
Au Irishman adorned with blue ro-
settle went into an apothecary's shop
and said 10 the assistant, eff you plaxo
sir, I'm a temperance man; but if you
have any soda water of the strength and
quality of whisky, Tll'trouble you for .
little"
1t is eaid that Prince Louis, baritone,
of the Liliputian Opera Company, when
on his farm can harvest more wood
chuck skins than any other man in the
country. Well he ought to. He can
20 down after them. The other man
has to have dog.
The young man who sat up on
Thanksgiving night to see the shooting
stars, saw none until he entered his
room in the dark. He then collided
with half opened door, and estimates
that he saw in half second, $4,000, ,001
of them. The odd one was the lost
Biela's comet.
"Mr. Brown, couldn't yon give me .
position of some kind with youw
Every sorrY-don't think there is any
vacancy in my establishment"
"If you have nothing else, employ
me as your adviser"
every well; you may commence by
advising me how 1 can best get rid Of
you" n
A young man, dressed in the heiSh
of fashion, and with a poetic turn Of
mind, was driving along country road.
aud gazing al the pond which skirted
the highway, said: "Oh, how I would
like to lave my heated head in thoss
cooling watersl" An Irishman. over
hearing the exclamation, Immediately
replied: Bedad and you might lave Il
there and it would not sink"
"Do animals have fun?" asked some
: unobserving individual. OF course
they do. When a COW switches hea
rail across the face of the mar
who is milking her, steps along
just two yards, and turns TO see hin
pick up his stool and follow, she hal
the most amused expression on her face
possible, and if she can kick over the
milk-pail she grows positively hilarious
The inhabitants of the Bordelias coun'
try are prone to exageration, but one
Q of them recently met his match. he
was dining with Japanese friend on
: the Boulevard, and mushrooms came
under discussion, "In my country
Z said the Bordelias, "the mushroomi
) under the trees are larger than thoss
plates" "What of thatr exclaimed
s ihe JAP" "In my country 1t is the
trees that grow under the mushrooms.'
A certain old gentleman. very rici
D and still more slingy, is in the habit o
i wearing his clothes to the last thread
: One of his friends meeting him. ex
! claimed: "They told me that you hat
a new hat, and I'll be hanged if you
haven'tw "Oh, yes" said the miser
a looking as If he were trifie ashamet
of himself, "you see, my wife kept tell
a ing me that the old one was a good
deal worn ont. Well, yesterday VA
my wife's birthday, and got myself I
a new hat for her birthday present"