The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-06-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

A gossip in q country village says to
Cadet Whitaker: "Think of other earl
that ache"
A Boston man has made a piano from
stone, and report says its stone is very
sweet.
The wish Of Miss Shoddy: Oh how
i wish I could drown myself ina stream
Of pearls"
A feast OF reason and flow OF soul"
must be a kind Of Psyche logic enter
tainment.
"Let me see your paper a moment,
dear ?" Husband-"YeA, as soon as
we get to the tunnel"
II Cadet Whitaker should be killed
by a bolt Of lightning, il would be shown
directly that he made the bolt.
To the anxious candidate:-"Pluck
the beam from thine W eye ere thou
worriest about thy brothers BOOM"
In the West the laws are seldom en-
forced; nearly all the cyclones are shop
%lifters, but no one tries to arrest them.
Mamma" asked o little girl, "wby
is it they sing in church wen dine no
more and then go right home and
diner"
Society is just now busily ~contriving
new styles Of dancing; but what the
ladies OF this country really need is a
recipe for a graceful swoon.
A German physician claims to have
discovered a means Of dyeing the eyes
of animals in general, and Of man in
particular, any color he pleases.
In this oleomargarine contest the
New York Commercial is glad to hear
that the goats are not defined as belong
ing to any Of the accepted buffers.
A husband teIephoned to his wife,
"What have you for breakfast, and how
is the baby ?" The answer came: "Buck-
wheat cakes and measles"
One reason why Leadville has no
schools is because all the schoolma' ANS
who 20 there find husbands between the
depot and the hotels, and don't care a
cent whether school keeps or not.
1t is said a coon can be caught by
leaving whisky in its vicinity, but the
average hunter would rather drink the
whisky and take his chances on the
coon.
The line must be drawn somewhere,
and the government wishes it known
that spring poetry will not be admitted
to the columns Of the Congressional
Record.
Oourtney-Riley-Hanlan; Riley
Hanlan-Courtney; Hanlan-Courtney
Riley. The solution of the puzzle is
to get a combination that will row.
Many persons believe that it can't be
done.
When a husband comes home under
the d%elusion'that he is still ''raising"
the "deuce" in q game with his %cronies,
he is not unlikely to be greeted with a
curtain lecture that will end with
poker"
A Boston lawyer told another lawyer,
who asked him a question, that he usu-
ally received pay for his advice. ''Then,
said lawyer No. O." extending fifty cents,
"'Tell me all you know and give me
back the change"
The New Haven Register says the
Princess Louise frequently goes into the
Dominion Parliament and takes q sea-
on the floor. We should think some of
the honorable gentlemen would be
thoughtful enough to offer her a cha ir.
: The Cincinnati Commercial dubs Denis
Kearney 'a loop.eared pelican" This
shows what bitter prejudice against an
innocent defenseless species of the orni-
biological race will lead some men to
say.
During the late British elections a
pamphlet was largely circulated in Mid.
lothian, entitled "Political Achieve
ments Of the Earl of Dalkeith." 1t was
neatly gotten up, and when opened was
found to contain some thirty blank
pages.
A woman in New York accidentally
went to church with two bonnets on her
head-one stuck inside the other-and
the other women in the congregation
almost died of envy. They thought it
was q new kind Of bonnet, and too sweet
for anything.
Madame, who is of great embonpoint,
asks her husband in what character she
shall attend the masquerade. Gas q
balloon, he said." "How must
1 dress that c~haracterP" Simply by
tying string to your footr' answered
the brute.
An Oil City man calls his wife the
red, white and blue, because she has
red hair, white teeth and blue eyes. It
also be incidentally mentioned
that when he sees her head sticking out
Of a window at midnight, he knows at
once that the flag means a signal OF
The editor Of a newspaper that has
phonetic spelling, in a measure,
received a postal card from an old sub