The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1880-04-13
CHIPS.
What do cornstalk about !?

What do cornstalk about /? 4.fA
How long doc a widower mourn for hi
wife ? For a seccnd. ..... T. r.a" ,t.l
ssThese are my palmy days." as the urchil
remarked when his mother boxed his ears.
"Will you have some more beans, Johnny?'
"No.' "No what?" "No BEANS" says
Johnny, solemnly.. ....... a...
One man eloped with the wife of another
from a spelling-bee in Tennessee. 1t seems
a spelling-bee has its stings as we'll as others
Gle? well, l guess he does lie,'' said his
neighbor Jones. "Why, he's so fond of lying
that he won't let a clock strike right in his
house."
"Soldiers must be f~earfully dishonest y said
Mrs. Darlington. cit seems to be an occur
renee every night for a sentry to be relieved
of his watch"
"You are yawning," said a wife to her
husband. "Ay DEAR" he replied, " the hus-
band and the wife are one, and when I'm
alone I'm bored"
How mat it would max a cannibal to go
hunting and kill nothing but Alexander
Stephens.
A dog which won't run from All elephant
will break his back to get away from an
oyster can.
Al exchange speaks of the "reboomitiza
ton" of Grant. The fine for shooting the
English language full of holes has got to be
increased.
The betrayed dollar is one that finds itself
not able to pass for more than 80 cents after
it has been stamped ''In God we trust"
"Can a mans attention be riveted with
copper rivets ?" asks the CINCINNATI Com
mercidl. 1t Can If the rivets are sharpened
and put where he will sit upon them.
A poets asks .Who shall go first to the
shadowy land-my lover or I?" If they con-
template committing suicide, we suggest that
they toss up a cent-heads, he goes first; tails,
she goes last.
One of the most remarkable things notice
able in social life is the unanimity with which
people shake their relatives. Recently a~gentle-
man arrived in Carson with a letter of intro
duction to one of our leading citizens from
the citizens uncle. After the Carsonite read
the letter he remarked
"Glad to see you, sir. Glad to see anybody
who knows my uncle in Cleveland. How are
all the folks 2"
s'Splendid. l spent six weeks there last fall,
and l really don't think 1 eyer met such a
fine family of genial, hospitable and cult
waited people,"
"Yes ?"
eyes indeed, 1 never spent a pleasenter
in my life. Your relatives are indeed
the
"Well, young man if my relatives are such
fine people they must have changed like
thunder since l lived with them. l lived there
a year, and l think they are about the worst
pelicans in the deck. l wouldn't spend a
month with the crowd for the whole town of
Cleveland"
''Indeed,' said the other, sWell, since
been 50 candid about it l might as we'll
remark right here that your uncle and his
whole blasted family are the toughest collec-
ton of old fossils | ever had the misfortune
to he steeled up against.
"Put it there, young man you show your
good sense. Let's go out and take some
thing.'
In a few moments more the two men were
p~ledgtng perdition to the Cleveland relatives
over a flaming schooner of Carson beer.
We learn that the military telegraph line
will, as soon as material can arrive, be eX-
tended west to Fort CTur d Alene, and
probably 10 Fort Lapwai, which is the
present eastern erninus of a system Of mill
tary lines with headquarters in Oregon.
This will connect the East with The West by
an extensive system OF military telegraph
lines, reaching from Bismarck, Dakota, to
Portland, Oregon.
\ cOmical story is told Of two well known
southern c~lerGylne1, one or Whom undertook
to rebuke the other for using the weed.
'Brother Co." he exclaimed, without STOP
Ping to ask any other questions, sis it possible
that you chew tobacco ~
81 must confess l do" the other quietly re-
piled.
Then | would quit it, sir" the old gentle
man energetically continued. 'Ht is a very
unclerical practice and a very uncleanly one.
Why, sir, even a hog won't chew
"Father c., do you chew tobacco o. re-
sponded the amused listner.
81? No, sir!' he answered gruffly, with
mich indignation.
"Then, pray, which is the most like the
hog you Or p"
The old doctors fat sides shook with
laughter as he said:
''Well, l have been fairly caught this
time
Advice given by the Partisan to young men
who go into society 'sNever wound an ugly
woman; and above all, if an ugly woman
comes and says to You with a side glance. L
know that | am not pretty do not fall into
the trap and reply; 'True, madam; but you
have moral qualities and domestic virtues
which | place above the perishable advantages
of beauty l was eighteen years of age VIXEN
| made this answer, worthy of Telemachus.
to the wife Of a banker whose protection |
seeking. The next day the lady said to
her husband Il hope that young scamp you
presented to me yesterday is not going to be
frequent visitor here"