The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-05-28

)Oulttb lOT " tOI.
The Utica Observer says that he who
gets on is best off.
The steerage would seem to be the
proper place for cattle.
The poetry of spring has plenty Of
.ime.-M. Y Herald.
IF you are in public Office, be pune
tual-at all events in leaving.
THERE is a tendency to palm off oleo-
cigars for genuine Havanas.
BISMARCK is said to threaten the sub
Irbs of the free City Of Hamburg. He
has designs on Hamburg edging proba-
bly,.
THERE was young fellow OF Crete,
Had such awful corns on his feet,
That he never just knew
Which was safest do,
To cut OFF the corns or his feet.
IoBsERvE that George Eliot at the age
of 60 secures a new husband. Good
gracious where's my bonnet ?-,S. Il.
Anthony.
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
says that waving red petticoat before a
fierce bull will give the animal the scar
let fever.
Two French senators met: "I have
just come from the senate. The sitting
lasted three hours" "What passed"
"Three hours"
"TO WHAT are we tending?" asks the
New Orleans Picayune. Can't say. You
may be tending bar for all we know to
the contrary. Dos M Post
In describing new organ rural edi-
tor says, "The swell died away in
delicious suffocation, like one singing
sweet song under the bedclothes."
GENTLEMAN named MCGEE
Got hold of lively bee
But it bothered him SO,
That he quickly let 60,
And with language his mind did free.
AN agricultural paper heads an article
Chow to prepare for Strawberries. We
have been prepared for them for several
weeks, bnt the prices haven't been favor
able.--CIncinnaH saturday Nigh.
OLD Mr.. Grouter heard his daughter
read that "pale leather was to be the
fashionable color, and now wants to
know what kind OF leather they are MAX
ing into pals?
AN irreverent young man at commun-
ion service, handed back the wine COB
let to the old deacon and astonished him
by whispering in his ear: That's about
the worst port l ever tasted"
Now is the time to tell your wife that
she'd better fix up the flower beds
Ne,c York Graphic. But notime seems
out of the season for your wife to tell
you to fill up that -four bari.
A WESTERN ventriloqlist has broken
off any number of marriage engagements
l,xy IL IN, nd
that young ladies mapping in their seats
by their young men were snoring fear
fully.
ARrIsT-"Oh, so you think the back
grounds beastly, do you? Perhaps the
cattle are beastly too, though tiatter
myself" Friendly Critic" Oh, no,
my dear fellow; that's just what they
should be !'--Punch.
81 DEFY the lightning to strike me -
said Indiana man during Il thunder show
er. Next moment bolt of heavens fire
danced down the chimney and killed
dog for which he had paid $2S. Provi-
dence knew where to Init hardest. DE
t'OH Free Press.
IT is very common inscription on
tombstones-"Death alone could sepa-
rate them" An improvement unon this
has been designed and introduced by
suburban artist, who has carved on a
monument: "Sacred to the memory of
Nine. J. Leblanc and NJ. Paul Lenor,
her son-in-law. Death alone could unite
them"
A bright son of dyer in Birming-
ham wooden factory went to New York n
few years ago in the employ of l. &
T. By attention to business he adj
vanced from post to post, and now has
the whole charge of the business and is
a millionaire. What became of l.
& t is not stated. However, that
has nothing to do with the moral. -Da1t-
bury Ners.
"YoU must admit, doctor" said
witty lady to celebrated doctor Of
divinity, with whom she was arguing the
question of the equality of the sexes"
-" you must admit that woman was
created before mani" "Well, really,
madam" said the astonished divine, 81
must ask you to prove your case"
"That can be easily done, sir. Wasn't
Eve the first maid ?"
AN Irish servant-girl who was sent by
her master to the post-Office in Lewiston,
Me-, to deposit his letters and get his
mail, took out the letters from the lock-
box and then carefully deposited the let
ters she had been told to mail. The next
day. upon repeating her errand, she was
very indignant ut the postmaster upon
finding that the letters had not been sent
to their destination.
HERE We have something essentially
characteristic from the French: An hon
est farmer receives a visit from dealer
in live stock who wishes to purchase his
pork-chop. After chaffering over the
price, they rise to go out to the farm
yard to inspect the animals. On the
threshold they meet the farmers daugh-
ter, handsome strapping lass of nine
teen, whose plumpness and color would
hsve delighted Rubens. "By JOve,"
says the admiring and gallant dealer,
feeling that some compliment is demand
ed of him, 81 say, if your pigs are any
thing like your daughter we will have no
difficulty in making bargain"
WHEN the shrewd small boy, who is
left alone in the house during the even
ing, makes such mess of his raid on the
pie closet that it is bound to be noticed
when his parents return, he HES him to
his room, puts pillow in his to repre-
sent himself, extingriishes the gas and
gets under the bed. And when the old
man comes up stairs, madden than wet
cat, and without stopping to light the
gas, fathers that pillow with trunk
strap, the boy yells as though he was
getting it, and the old man goes Oft
satisfied. That's the sort of q boy will
grow up to run ward caucuses and be u
senator. -BOstOn Post.
A LADY of the city, like many other
mothers, treats the ailings of her family
homeopathically, and has large ma
hogany case full of bottles of sugar-coat-
ed pellets and medical book. Some
time ago her little boy was so unusually
quiet as to indicate that he was in mis-
chief, and it was discovered that the
youngster had emptied bottleor two OF
the "sugar-plums" and swallowed them.
When caught he was methodically get
ting away with the remainder. Horror
stricken, the mother sent for her favorlte
homeopathic physician, who, gravely ad-
ministering pellet, observed, 6 think
that will make him all right. If not, let
him take one every four hours. THE
Hour.
ONE day a party of gentlemen were
smoking together in hotel somewhere
in Connecticut. "Young men, " said the
inevitable social statistician who was