The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-07-09
VARIETIES.

1t is now safe to treat girls with GOODNESS
Favored with vanilla.
The good man says, GAN things are for
the best" and mentally adds, 81 am the best"
"A rat poison is advertised that will make
| rats 60 away to O neighbours house and die
1t fills want long felt.
-"Good morning, Mr.. Brown; you're first
at last; you used to be behind before, but
notice you have been early of late"
-""Tis not the whole of life to live nor
all of death to die" tbs raising cash to pay
our bills that worries you and /.
The proprietor Of Louisville bone fac.
tory, announces that persons leaving their
| bones with him can have them ground at
short notice.
"A little girl, defining clearing false wit.
ness against your neighbor," said "it was
when nobody did nothing, and somebody
went and told of it,"
1t is said that q coon can be caught by
leaving whisky in its vicinity, but the average
hunter would rather drink the whisky and
take his chances on the coon.
"A girl who has been very observant of
her parents mode ofexhibting charity, when
asked what generosity was replied at is
giving to the poor all the old stuff you don't
want yourself.
-"You would be very pretty indeed" said
gentleman patronizingly to a young lady,
"ifyour eyes were only little larger" "My
eyes may be very small, sir, but such people
as you don't fill themW
"A wealthy manufacturer of Connecticut
having built an elegant mansion, and wishing
to take n second wife, said to his architect -
(which agrees best with brick and brown
stone, brunette or blonde?"
-" Find out your child's specially" is the
urgent advice of a phrenologist We have
tried this, and find it not so easy Sometimes
rock candy seems to be the favorite and then
again there's marked tendency to tatiy
"A school miss of six, having been told
by her teacher to remain in, on arriving home
somewhat late in consequence thereof replied,
upon being questioned as to the cause of late
ness, 81 was remained in"
"A Philadelphia clerk, who was somewhat
smarter than his employer, was heard to re-
mark the other day: "Thank fortune, the
boss has stopped advertising for the season.
Now we will have rest."-Chicag0 Inter-
Ocean.
-" Will you be so kind, my little friend, as
to tell your grandmother that the man who is
taking the census would like to see herr" said
young miss of seven summers. The little one
hesitated an instant and then replied: Eyes,
sir, I'll tell her; but / don't believe she has
any"-1roy Times.
"A rather bashful young man, upon his
first appearance in society, was so unlucky as
to make several unfortunate remarks. Be-
coming more and more confused he sank
deeper into the mire until at last he left the
room in despair with the apology: Ladies,
if l have said anything that appears to mean
anything beg leave to apologize"
The papers are circulating very old
but curious bit of fun about the cats and their
tails. Some of our little folks may not have
heard it, This is the proposition by which
it is proved that one cat has three tails:
No cat has two tails.
One cat has one tail more than no cat.
Therefore, one cat has three tails
He was saying as he scratched lucifer
on the side of a house, 81 like these houses
with sanded paint; nice when you want to
strike match, you know" as that SO ?"
she asked demurely; II wish | lived in n
house with sanded paint" and then she
looked things unutterable. If he had asked,
"What for?" she would have hated him. But
he didn't; he took the hint, and the match
was struck then and there.
1t is narrated that a would-be joker in
mixed company remarked: "Now, my
friends, think Japan is the best place to live
in in the world; understand that there are
neither Jews nor pigs there" A diminutive
specimen, but with an unmistakable Hebrew
cast of countenance, replied: "Well mine
friend Itell you vat it is. Lets you and me go
there and exhibit ourselves. We could make
our fortune. / could represent the Jew and
You will he the pig"