New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-04-28
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

GRANT has had his Phil-o'- delphis---
Philadelphia Bulletin.
A LADY voter of Boston found too
late that she had voted her curl
papers.
A New JERSEY man has sued q band
that serenaded him. New Jersey is .
great State.-Boston Post.
1T IS not necessary to threaten bad
man, for his own deeds threaten him
with worse punishment than you can
inflict.
"FOREGOEs' was the word given out
at written spelling exercise recently;
and one little boy handed in, "Go, 60,
60, CO."
PROFESSOR PROCTOR alludes to the
earth as mere mustard seed. The
Buffalo Express says that this is because
it is hot inside.
THERE is no happiness which will
compare with that which comes to q
man whose bills arc all honestly paid.
IN. Y. Herald.
The difference between a barber and
a sculptor is very slight. The one curls
up anel-lyes, The other makes faces and
busts.-Sprinqfeld Union.
FROM a yield of 100000 in bullion,
in 1865, the Georgia gold-felds have
advanced to 81 900, 900 per annum, with
promise of large returns next year.
If mans word is not as good as his
bond, the best thing is to get on with
out either. If this can't be done, look
well to the bond, and treat the word as
though it had never been spoken.
AT one of the Louisville hotels is
lady who comes down to breakfast each
morning with the copy Of a magazine,
so varying her literature with her cos
tune that the covering of the periodical
shall always harmonize with her own.
Mr.. TENNYsoN still devotes himself
to domestic subjects. His latest effort
reads:
Put the armchair in the attic
It has earned a needed rest;
For the pair 1t oft supported
Now are married and gone West.
THE papers are constantly telling US
how to live on two dollars week. It
is undoubtedly a very difficult prob
lem, but by no means the most difficult.
The world would be far wiser and hap
pier If some brilliant genius would only
tell us how to get the two dollars
Exchange.
elf you marry Grace" exclaimed an
irate father to his son, II will cut you
off without cent, and you won't have
so much as a piece of pork to boil in tho
pot" "Well," replied the young man,
"Grace before meat" and he immcdi-
ately went in search of minister
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A YOUNG man who had just returned
from long journey, clasping his adOred
| one in a loving embrace in u dimly-
lighted parlor, was seized with a great
terror that for an instant paralyzed all
his energies. "Oh, my darling," said
he, wildly, "why didn't you write mo
of thisp What is it-spinal disease? or
have you dislocated some of your ribs,
that you are obliged to wear this great
leather bandage?'' "Oh, love-" she
gently murmured, "this is only my
new belt; l would have got broader
one, but it would not 60 under my
arms"
ton of metaphysics was: "Twa folk
disputin' thegither; he that's listenin'
disna ken What he that's speakin'
means himsep-that's metaphysics
In De Morgan's Formal logic the fol-
lowing is found: II would not dis
suade a student from metaphysical in
quiry; on the contrary, 1 would rather
endeavor to promote tho desire of en-
tering upon such subjects; but would
warn him, when he tries to look down
his own throat, with candle in his
hand, to take care that he does not set
his head on fire. Notes and Queries.
A QUAKER shopkeeper once met q
customer of his going home with her
bundles. He had been absent from his
place, and had notion in his wise head
that she had been trading with a rival
whom he did not much love. "How
much did thee give yard for this, Ma
ry? One dollar! Why, am surprised
at thee! could let thee have it for
seventy-fve cents. And how much for
this? Two dollars! Why, that was
unreasonable. 1 could have let thee
have it for one dollar and half. Why
will thee go away trading with strangers
and worlds people, Mary? II don't
know what thee is talking about, friend
john" she said; "but I did buy all
these things at thy store, and if thee
says the truth thee must owe me consid-
cradle money."-Troy Times.
A PAGE of the Czars diary, if we may
believe the San Francisco News-Letter,
ordered my bath. Found four gal
Ions of vitriol in it and did not take
it. Went to breakfast. The Nihilists
had placed two torpedOes on the stairs
but 1 did not step on them. The coffee
smelt SO strongly of frussic acid that I
was afraid to drink it. Found scor-
pion in my left slipper, but luckily
shook it out before putting it on.
just before stepping into my carriage
to 90 for my morning drive, it was
blown into the air, killing the coachman
and the horses instantly. l did not
drive. Took light lunch off hermeti-
cally sealed American goods. They
can't fool me there. Found poisoned
dagger in my favorite chair, with the
point sticking out Did not sit down
on it. Had dinner at six p. M, and
made Baron Laisckounowonski taste
every dish. He died before the soup
was cleared away. Consumed some
Baltimore oysters and some London
stout that l have had locked up for
five years. Went to the theater and
was shot at three times in the first act.
Had the entire audience hanged. Went
home to bed and slept all night on the
roof of the palace"
Ex-senator Willard Warner, Of
Alabama, who has been spending some
days in Washington, was approached
the other day by colored man
from his State with request for fifty
dollars, the man saying: You are in
Office, and can lend me money"
Warner replied that he was not in Of
fee. "Why!' exclaimed the colored
| nan in establishment, "ain't you
! still EX-SENATOR
FROM curious statistical statement
of the trade of Canada, just published,