The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-08-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

In concluding an article on the last
corn crop an Alabama editor remark.
ed: ave have on exhibition in our
sanctum a magnificent pair of ears
| q, James Ii. Gallup and Emma Cantel
were married at Grand Rapids, few
days ago. Give 'ein time, and they'll
make a spanking team.
Grace; Il am going to see Clara to-
day. Have you any message?" 81
wonder how you can visit that dread
ful girl. Give her my love-"
"John, how many times have told
you always to eat bread with your
meat?" "Papa, how many times have
you told ME never to do two things at
a time?' st
A bunch of American shingles which
was washed on the island of Madagas-
car was put to popular use. Two
hundred and fifty children were ac-
commodated.
There" said 4 charming lady, with
a naive expression that made her face
radiant, pointing to an ebony case of
chIinware, ''that is my brick bat cab
met" ,.r.t
| An old lady with several unmarried
daughters feeds them on fish diet, be-
cause it is rich in phosphorus, and
| phosphorus is the essential thing i'll
making matches.
| as that funeral?" sShure, sir, I'm
| thinkin. it is" "Anybodv of dis
tinction?' 81 reckon it is sir" "Who
is it that died2" '"rhc jintleman in
the collin, SIR" 5-..5s ,tst -Es b.
:i Teacher sFenlinine of friar?0 First
bright boy: "lIasn't any" Teacher: /:
.'Next." Seconi bright boy; Nun"
Teacher: "ThaL's right" First brig
boy Indignantly CALCULATES: ''That's
just what l said" Fe 80" ss'ffsi.f
80 "A Young lady sont poem entitled,
81 cannot Make Him Smile" to q
newspaper. The editor ventures to
express the opinion that she would
have succeeded had she sent him the
poem.
"IIow do you like me now?" asked a
belle of her spouse, as she sailed into
the room with her long train sweep
ing behind her. "Well,Y said he, ITO
tell the truth it is impossible for lne
to like you any longer"
What surprised Noah more than
aught else was that he received no APP
plication for free passes. And what
astonished the public after the fool
was that the veteran navigator never
tried to get up a complimentary bene-
tit for himself.
A stranger passing churchyard
and seeing hearse standing hard by,
inquired who was dead. The sexton
askeu the inquisitive one. Said tho
n ,srrl,.,., l.,
erybody is satisfied"
"All houses wherein men have lived
and died are haunted houses" Thus
Longfcllow; but Mrs. -Tiuince saws
she would rather Mr. T. should haunt
the house little before he dies, ii it
isn't asking too much. .4. st,..I.......
A wealthy manufacturer of Connec-
ticut having built an elegant mansion,
and wishing to take second wife,
said to his architect: (which agrees
best with brick and brown stone,
brunette or blondc?"
The owner of a pair of bright eye,
says that the prcttiest compliment sh.
ever received came from child of 4
years. The little fellow, after looking,
intently at her eyes moment, inquir-
ed naively, "Are your eyes new ones 2"
When the census -taker, wishing to
compliment, said to a citizen: "Ah,
sir, you've a wife of a hundred " the
lady grabbed rolling pin and sailed
in on him, saying ''You william, L
told you l was only 20. Don't you
dare to put it down as 1901" ,f-..,-.
Social amenities: '.Papa (to Mabel,
who has been to Il Juvenile partly
Did anyone pay you any attentions.
Nab? Mabel don't know. Papa
II mean, did anyone talk to you, or
dance with, you? Mabel-ANeil there
was little boy who made faces at me.