Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-02-06
Hawkeye Editorial Dots,

| i,- :" = q $1,000 4 " ,,gii,,s
The pope's last bull seems to have
the horn ALL, a.. t.:..l. -
Christmas has no charms fer a man
whose stocking has no foot in il.
Aman il never ashamed Of his an.
eestors until he runs for Office in q free
country. ... ,...-.... t.,--'-,'-oo
1t would be cruel man indeed who
would needlessly set his foot upon a
bookworm. - ~ :
Now, If money was ever half 20 tiebt
as the man who spends it-then Won
might look out for panics.
II it wasn't for the human nose. some
men would have to carry around a beet,
to have their pimples on. ,, :
That's what beats me, b" as the bow
said when he saw his father take the
skate strap down from its accustomed
nail. 81. ,T-'r =
A New Hampshire girl recently fell
INTO vat OF vinegar. and was drowned,
May be she did it tospreserve her COM
plexion. -. II. =
Courteny ought to row his next
match across tho desert of Sahara.
There would be no water there to
trouble him. =
1t is wasted time, and eloquence
thrown away, talking about the emanci-
patton OF woman to a man who las been
married four times.
How beautiful is truth" exclaims a
Iexas newspaper. 1t is, it is. "'Tis
distance lends enchantment to the
yiew." isn't is, oh prophet Of the Lone
Star? -.
does bad egg look like good
one! asks o correspondent. 1t does,
it does. Unless you look at it with
your nose. Then you will perceive
scentssible difference. r...,
In Pittsburg man showed US a glass
carving knife. He said it was Just for
show, but we couldn't see that it didn't
cut just about as we'll and hold an edge
quite as long as the other kind. .. ~.
A man fell through one of the win
dows of his clearinghouse out on West
Hill the other day, and his distracted
landlady speaks Of him as "a paneful
roomer." But then she hardly knew.
what she was saying, poor thing.
You can't get away from the terrors
and perils of nature. Thunder storms
in New England, tornadoes in the west,
volcanoes in Mexico, earthquakes in
California, and in the Maine shipyards
every now and then they avalanche.
"They tell me-" said the reformer,
/" that you have quit smoking. 1 am
glad to hear it. Now tell me, why did
you quit? % Reformed smoker, feeling
for match, g Cause nay cigar went
out Goes off like an active volcano.
Did youeyer notice that the man who
growls the loudest about paying 81 for
q 81 smoking cap at the church fair is
the man who most complacently and
willingly pays twenty, cents for cigar
with three cents worth of tobacco in il?
"Is rot a large head, Alonzo writes,
"an evidence of large brains % Well,
yes, Alonzo,. it is, it is; in q degree.
oh yes, yes; we rather guess you are
correct; it is-only, Alonzo itldepends
a little, you know, whether the head is
Ga the shoulders OF a man or ar, ass. =. r
A correspondent who signs himself
"Good Health sends us column or
ticle to prove that whisky helps the
digestion" Well, it probably does ::
we don't believe man would digest Us
soon without it. But our correspond
ent doesn't want to die Jest yet, does
doc. .........-,t D.. ....-. 49, ,,ot
A dental journal says the reason so
many men fail as orators is because
they have lost some OF their teeth.
Bosh Look at a hen hasn't and never
had tooth in her head and did the
dental editor never hear a hen mount
the fence and deliver two hours
Fourth of-July Grafton oyer one egg no
bigger than lemon?
The recently published collection of
Dickens letters brings to light one
very happy thing. He did say one
kind. generous, heartfelt word of praise
for America. He drank the whisky
cocktail of our native land, he loved it,
and embalmed it in words of COM
mendation. 1t seems that If the Ameri-
cans had only kept him little drunken
while he was here, he might have
loved us. ..,. i......
Just as he finished his little sere.
made, the moon came out from behind
the cloud, and she, the mother of the,
moon of his heart, leaped out of the
window, and upon him empties about
two gallons Of cistern water. After
me, the deluge, he simply and prettily
said, and as he walked briskly, away,
the FLASHING aqueous in his light guitar
made it sound as though he were car.
rying home a jug,I ,lsaD., auoirc
Little Stapitof, Of North Hill, who
will be only twenty-five years old next
August, fell over head and'heels in love
with q bu1om widow, plump, fair.
thirty-nine and rather caustic. He went
down on his knees last Sunday night.
You are my star" he sighed, my
fair, my peerless and my radiant star.
And ?" he paused inquiringly. "Oh,
your" she said with tender smile,
!" You are my little sum-" He feels
much better now.
The Boston Investigator went to all
the trouble of getting out its regular
edition last week to say that " Presi.
dent Hayes is Q great moral fraud"
Now, when the Boston Investigator
passes Judgment on Q mans morals,
you know. the question may lust as