The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-03-12

Go long, or I'll buy muzzle."
/ Fly paper is cheap now.
Venner and his weather predictions are
worse than the rs puzzle"
| Women are seldom deceived" says a
philosopher. Very true. The men are
constituted differently, however.
| The Boston Post thinks that the next
move OF the NihilIsts will be TO get the
Gar to fool around a thrashipg machine,
The Queen of the Beleians cultivates
roses and carnations with her own hands
i-Erchange.
OF course she couldn't cultivate them
with her feet.
A Georgia man is soon to bring out q
new book entitled, "Jok es Around the
Gallows. "-FTee Press.
! Guess you mean ''Chokes Around the
/ Gallows," Ell?
1 Lorne has written the words and Pima
fore Sullivan the music of a new Canadian
| ode. aud the Sweet Singer, it is said. has
written an ode for Michigan which knocks
the wind all out of Gilmore's anthem.
| The Detroit Free Press thinks that Lib
erty should never have been represented
By goddess at all. What has the female
sex done for liberty. and what can they
do? Put the figure of a fat man On our
dollars.
A Western paper mentions a rattle
snake being killed by "a man with thir-
teen rattles." The Norristown Herald saws
the man must have been a policeman.
though very few policeman carry thirteen
rattles.
- A Denver paper tells of two men WHO
bet each S. that bis boy could Jump high
er than the others, and the man who
without warning the lad. dropped hornet
down his sons back when the word was
given, won the bet.
A friend in need is friend indeed. But
| Just what bothers an Owego man is that
his friends are principally always 10 need.
l-ODego Record.
Same way in New York. They never
ask for less than a dollar.-EEDress.
What is home without a husband?-
Ne0 York Express. What is a circus
without q brass band ?-Albony Argus.
! Il won't work. The husband is not the
brass band OF the home. Some husbands
might be called the hushed bands.
YOnkers Gazette
He stood with his back against the front
door of the street car, Every one else had
seats, and he had anxiously watched each
face tor symptoms of getting out for over
three miles. 1t grew wearisome and he
finally shifted his weight from one foot to
the other, and exclaimed: Fur the love
of the Lord, have none O. yez oDy homes
to go TOP" Then they all emiied, and the
conductor rendered the ridgepole OF the
rear platform.
There 10 Gle for the eye that is fearful,
balm for the heart that Is sad,
calm for the spirit that's fearful,
AND for every Iiver-a pad.
J Gin Commercial
There's laugh for the girl who feels badly,
| Twill come 10 her after a while.
There is hope for the man WAC feels sadly
| Twill come 10 kitl after a smile"
/ Christine Nilsson is a graceful skater.
| Boston girls cultivate seri0 comic style
| of repsrtee.
Mr., Moody propouncos ST. Louisyillians
tough citizens.
Longfellow interviewed Miss Nelson
behind the scenes In Boston theatre re-
| Gently.
George Eliot has given permission for
| ooe of her novels to be dramatized Tor the
stage.
Madrid turns up its nose at Alfonso's
new bride; bat Alfonso doesn't care scent
about it.
The husband sometimes ceases to feath-
er his nest when the wife begins to feather
her bonnet
Ouida is far from young, yet she wears
her hair ripping down her back; but why
upbraid her2
the girl who has a $25 lace pocket
handkerchief seems uDcommonly affi icted
with colds 10 the head
Sarah Winnemucca, the educated Priu-
Gers OF the Piutes, has been sent to Jail at
Ninnemucca. Nevada. for challenging the
editor OF the .Siiuer State 10 tight a duel.