Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-06-23
FUNNYGRAPHS.

A SMOOTH bore. A life insurance agent.
A FOOT race would be long distance
| for snail.-N. O. Pic0yu7ae.
BRICK tiles-Hats worn by inebriated
young men.-N0rristOaUa Herald.
MANY property owner is poor in
purse but rich in deed.
A WOMAN isn't fit to have baby who
doesn't know how to hold it; and this is
as true of tongue as of baby.
A RAT poison is advertised that will
make rats go away to a neighbours house
and die. 1t fills want long felt.
The fellow who wrote sc It goes with
out saying" must have had an unloaded
gun in his mind.
The man who was hemmed by crowd
has been troubled with stitch in his
side ever since.
The strength Of Sampson was In his
hair, and some people think boarding
house butter has the same qualities.
The ice man now holds his head up
and puts on more airs than small boy
with his fathers watch on.
A YOUNG man who had recently taken
a wife says he didn't find it half so hard
to get married as he did to get furniture.
GIN no physician, but I've heard that
iron in the blood is good" saio Mac
beth, as he jabbed his dagger into King
Duncan.
WHEN the locomotive runs into herd
of cattle, there is generally an addition
to the rolling stock on the road.-Bosto7a
Commercial Bulletin.
a MAN who won't stand up and yell
| and swing his hat when a gang of 2:30
horses are coming down the homestretch
In bunch must be veneered with sheet
iron.
GIVE this country certain cure for
corns, freckles and warts, and presi-
Dental conventions and elections would
not create a ripple of excitement. De-
troit Free Press.
A MACHINE for making pies has lately
been patented. This, says the Scientific
| american, taken in connection with the
patent substitute for eggs, will be good
news for boarding keepers.
The New Orleans Pic0lyat,ae defines
strawberry festival as an occasion where
dozen strawberries get into half cup
of thin milk and appear to have a Jolly
time.
The newspapers often print the "last
words :" OF men, but never those of
women. The latter would take up too
much room, and crowd out all the ad-
vertisements. Norr5stoaOaa Herald.
The man who is curious to see how the
world could get along without him can
to mill-pond and then Withdrawing it
and looking at the hole.
| BECAUSE strawberries are small. it does
not follow that there are more of them to
the quart, for the quart is frequently
made smaller to match the strawberries.
~ O. Pacayuaae.
WHEN reform spelling becomes uni
versal dime novel hero can write 81
KUN of a prowd and hotty rase % without
giving himself dead away as regards bis
early education. O. Picayoqae.
This is the season of the year when
the small boy goeth to the barber, and
winketh at him and sayeth, "cut off the
ends of my hair" And behold, the
barber cutteth off the hair and leaveth
the ends.-NeaC Haven Register.
"IT looks like the scene of great
battle, remarked traveller, viewing the
work of recent cyclone at the west.
eyes," said the native solemnly, and
without removing his pipe, "the place
was TUX by storm. "-BostOaa Transcript.
| HER mother said the little creature
lived on love, but one month after mar
riage, when the grocery bill came in, he
saw that he had made the greatest over
sight Of his life by not ascertaining what
that particular love was for-OsaUego
Record.
WHILE the crowd are eagerly awaiting
the advent of the circus torchlight dis
play, young swell in full equestrian get
up trots slowly down the street from his
afternoon ride. Enthusiastic and i'm
patient street gamin. eli, Jimmyl
here's the old clown!'' Disgust of eques-
trian.
Miss ANNE K. (who is showing her
Aunt Jerusha, from Skowhegan, the
beauties of art -"This is Titian's Venus.
Isn't she beautiful I? See the grace of
naow! she is a pretty fair lookin' gal,
but it's dreadful unhealthy to sleep with
your arm under your head"
FRIENDS are in the habit of warmly
greeting their acquaintance upon the
arrival OF passenger cars at some of the
American railway stations. It was only
the other Gay that young gentleman
rushed through crowd toward lady,
seized her hand and gave her hearty
kiss, the smack of which sounded above
we were going to say the ding of dongs;
but it is enough to state that the report
started country lass hardly, who ex-
claimed to her "feller," sc Massy. Josh!
what on airth's gev way on the keers ?"
HANS GRowYosT, worthy German
farmer, who has been lie long resi-
dent of Berks county, has shrewish
wife, who has long rendered his life any
thing but couch of roses One day
not long ago she, In fit of pique, picked
up her buds and left him, vowing never
to come back. The news went around
among the neighbors-you know how
intelligence of all kinds does travel in
the country-and at night several of
them, of whom I wassone, went to con-
VI