The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1880-12-10
@ HUMOROUS BREVITIEs.


MAN who opens oysters tdoes hings
by halves.
THERE'S lots Of cold comfort in hum
dred pounds Of ice.
0NE-HALF of the world doesn't know
how the other half lies
A NEVADA ball report says. "Honora
X was full of Gelatin fact, the eclutest
lady present.
You can't play that on me + snid the
piano to the amateur who broke down on
a difficult piece Of music.
cone touch Of you, mn, makes the
whole world spin. as tho boy said when
his mother boxed his ears.
"DARnNa husband, she said, "am
not your treasure ?" Certainly" he re-
piled, ''and l should like to lay you up
in heaven"
The editor Of the Cincinnati CONNER
ciGi, who has farming ideas, thought
that 10 have buttermilk he must buy
goat -NcO York Herald.
ONE Of the first acquisitions received
from newly-appointed railway station
agent was: "Send me gallon Of red
oil for the danger lanterns"
WHEN you see two dogs growing and
getting ready to fight, remember that it
is only a joint debate, and the liyeliest
dog will get away with the joint.
do you get any holidays in your Of
fice?" asked returned divine Of a cher
ry-looking worker in secular walks. "Oh,
yes, we get day to get buried on. J"
"CRHERISe:" School boy (l1ept in)--
Lets see-one TINS ought's ought
Twice ought's ought. Three TINS ought
oh, must bo something stick it down
one"
A YOUNG lady at an examination in
grammar was asked why ''the man bach
elor was singular ?" She replied imme-
diately, Because it is very singular they
don't get married"
"You wouldn't take mans last cent
for cigar, would you?" Certainly
would, remarked the proprietor. "Well,
here ii is, then" passing over cent,
"giye me the cigar"
A WEeTERN writer thinks that II tho
proper way to spell tho is Though" ate
is "eight," and boes is "bealx," the
proper way TO sspell potatoes is pough-
teightenux. Cleveland Sun.
N"THERE Are No Birds in Last Years
Meats is the title OF song. Probably
not. II it were equally sure that there
are no rats in last years rat holes the
| public mind would be more at rest.
THE Vermont housewife who read that
| English mobiles have lots Of hares in their
preserves, says she tried il to the extent
Of putting whole chignon into some
blackberry Jam, and the jam didn't seem
a bit better for IL.
"SHALL we sell or abandon our girls?"
editorially asks the editor of the Hdwk-
eye Do neither. Give 'em away. When
girl iS given away, if she is not "sold,
the young man is-in a majority Of cases.
--NorristosDn Herald.
Two ladies in the horse car were talk
ing about an actress whom they had Just
seen. ''She is too stout" said one. "Oh,
no." replied the other, who slightly
tended towards eDlbonpoint "She is
more than stout; she's fat.
THE truly affectionate and sensible
wife approaches her husband with be-
nignant expression of countenance, and
gently laying her hand upon his shoulder,
observes, ''Charley, dear, please don't
spend any more money for cardamom
seeds. I'll try and stand it if you won't
kiss me on the lips.
A LADY correspondent Of the Cincin-
matt Enquirer says: II know fashion,
able belle who has her arms lathered and
shaved from end to end by barber once
month" Ahal This explains why
female arms become bald-headed at such
an early age.-PhiLadetlohia CYtrontcte-
Herald.