The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-06-18
siasOrinkeulEas.
Spring umbrellas are on the rise.

Have patience-that obelisk Is coming |
Now is the season for boys to so west |
and slaughter Indians.
No man can come upon sign OF keep
of this grass" without feeling spirit OF
defiance clear down to bis heels.
It is estimated that handsome woman
weeping before jury has more effect In
five minutes than two hours talk.
The conscience fund of the treasury is
growing all the time. but it is fear, and
not honesty, that compels restoration.
'sRet you two to one that don't go to
prison. said Mr.. Walker, Of Illinois. and
he out with pistol and banged bullet
Into his head.
Knapp. the German gun maker. has or
GIers ahead for 5000 cannon. and yet MI
the crowned heads are writing tafy letters
70 each ether.
TIE Modern Argo says that the frogs were
the first to organize leap-year parties.
Yes, and they were the inventors of the
bellows. too.
If the white paper ring Is busted every
man in the country will have occasion to
rejoice. for it is ring which robs even the
| school-bovs.
Prot. Huxley says it is just as safe to
marry on three waeks courtship as to wait
longer. Each side will conceal all faults
| as much as possible anyhow.
The author of ''Is Life Worth Living ?''
is said to be so solemn-looking that he
couldn't laugh if paid tor it. What he
\ liuos tor il a carrat nf his own
Watch every Congressman who seeks to
delay or straugle the free paper bill. It
will be the duty of every honest man to
help defeat snch men at the polls.
| William Penn was no doubt a very hon.
est man. but for all that he exchanged six
hatchets and gun for enough Indian land
to make one big country.
| The biggest hustle of the season was de-
tected at the Custom House In New York
the other day. A steamship passenger
had forty yards of broadcloth wrapped
around her.
Men with diamond collar buttons find
| 1t too warm for neck scarfs.
Tilden said he didn't cut Whitaker e
| ears.
1
filings glory over an everyday life.
A Nevada man WAS killed by fall OF
four feet, mule jumped on him.
The car horse is an emblem of hope.
He is continually taking fresh start.
The bakers motto is, ''Try, try again. "
| He's Continually making a fresh tart.
Amateur florists may be called garden
greens.
| A Yacht runs fast because it is one OF the
feet. OF course.
..You do me proved - as the ocean said
to the ship.
..I-oveiy woman sfoops to folly'' when
size can't stand up under the weight of her
skirts.
Isn't it curious great big fish rs the
whale will blubber before a herring will !?
TIE exertions that pedestrian makes
may seem severe, but it Is really only a
mi!etl effort.
There are no auct;oneers i:a Italy That's
why all the big voiced men sing in operas
instead.
Conductors ought to make good pngilists
they are always on the punch.
The Turkish Minister at Washington
went home hecause he couldn't get enough
salary to pay board.
.>rhis Is he house Vanderbilt" some
one remarked when the walls of Madisos
Square Garden fell down.
1t is soul inspiring to hear ti,e iervid
preacher of that class who beautifully
s,,eak of t-rhe rellum of loave.''
Sunday Is getting to be day Of arres
in this country.