The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-07-15
Spoopendyke's Bathing-Suit.
Brooklyn Eagle.


"My dear" observed Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, looking up from his paper,
81 think l would be greatly benefit
ted this summer by sea baths.
Bathing in the surf IS an excellent
tonic. and if you will make me up
suit and one for yourself, if you
like. we'll 60 down often and take
dip in the waves"
"The very thing" smiled Mrs.
Spoopendyke; ''you certainly need
something to tone you up, and
there's nothing like salt water. l
think I'll make mine of blue flannel,
and, let me see, yours ought to be
red, my dear"
II don't think you caught the
{ exact DRIFT of my remark" retorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 didn't say l
was going into the opera business,
or that l was going to hire out TO
some country village as a confa
grafton. nv plan was TO go in
swimming, and not grow up With
the country as a cremation furnace.
You can make yours of blue if you
want it, but you don't make mine
of red, that's ALL
There's pretty shade of yellow
flannel"
"Most indubitably, Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, but if you think Pm going
to masquerade around Manhattan
Beach IN the capacity of a ham,
you havn't yet seized my idea. l
don't apprehend that l shall benefit
by the waters any more by going
around looking like a Santa Cruz
rum barrel. What want is bath
ing suit, and if you can't get one up
without making me look like Full
ton-street car, I'll go and buy some
thing to suit me-"
"Would you want it all in one
piece, or do you want pants and
blouseY
II want a suit easy to get in and
out of. I'm not particular about
following the fashion. Make up
something neat, plain and substan
tial, but don't stick any fancy colors
into it. / want it modest and SER
yiceable."
Mrs. Spoopendyke made up the
suit, under the guidance of lady
friend, whose aunt had told her
how it should be constructed. 1t
was rather in one piece, and when
completed was rather a startling
garment.
'Pll try it on tonight" said Mr..
Spoopendyke, eyeing it askance
when it was handed him.
Before retiring, Mr.. Spoopendyke
examined the suit, and then began
TO get into it.
"Why didn't you make some legs
to it? What dye want to make it
all arms for?' he inquired, strug
Cling around to see why it didn't
come up behind.
you've got it on sideways" ex-
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. You
have got one leg into the sleeve"
''I've got to get it on sideways.
There amt any top to it. Don't
you know enough to put the arms
up where they belong? What dye
think I am, anyhow? A star fish?
Where does this leg go?'
"Right in there. That the place
for that leg"
"Then where's the leg that goes
in this hole?"
"Why, the other leg"
"The pleasly thing is all legs.
Who'd you make this thing for meT
What dye take me for; centipede?
Who else Is going to get in here
with me? l want somebody else. L
amt twins. l can't fill this busi-
ness up. What d 'ye call it, any
way, a family machine?"
"Those other places amt legs;
they're sleeves"
"What are they dong down there?
Way amt they up here where they
belong? What are they there for,
SHOWS shoes? S'pose Pm going to
stand on my head to get my arms
in those holesY'
81 don't think you've got it on
right" suggested Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "It looks twisted"
That's the way you told me.
You said put this leg here, and
that one there and there they are.
Now where does the rest of me
goY'
81 made it according to the pat
term" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Then It's all right, and it's me
that's twisted" sneered Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "Pll have my arms and
legs altered. All / want is to have
my legs jammed in the small of my
back and my arms stuck in my
hips; then it'll fit. What did you
take for pattern, a craO? Where'd
you find the lobster you made this
from? S'pose I'm going into the
water on all fours? l told you 1
wanted a bathing-suit, didn't Il?
Did L say anything about a chair
coverp
81 think if you take it off and try
it on over again, it'll work." rea-
soned Mrs, Spoopendyke.
"Oh! of course. I've only got to
humor the gasted thing. That's all
1t wants." and Mr.. Spoopendyke
wrenched it off with growl.
"Now pull it on" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
Mr. SpoOpendye went at it again,
and reversed the original order of
disposing his limbs.
''Suit you now?" he howled; "thst
the way you meant it to go2 What's
these things Topping around here?"
"Those are the legs, I'm afraid"