The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-10-21
6&iG.A.RR.SN.
Stirring t'mes-Morning hours.

J Stirring t!mes-Morning hours.
! -Alhigh-toned affair-A fife,&
"A the center of the earth--R.
The rag-sorter does ripping bust.
WY Why not call hanging a neckse-
Tho Yonkers statesman calls fall
ing down stairs an extended trip.
"A man who opens oysters docs
things by halves.
"A Brooklyn girl speaks OF one of
her fellows as her night blooming Sc
The police who arrests a Young
take.
Daring the prevalence Of the cpl
zeotic fever Sic t.unsit would be o good
legend for some of our horse cars.
-IIas it over occurred to baseball
men that milk-pitcher is generally a
good fly-catcher.
Tho Elmira Adrey1;ser saws that
poets no longer die young. They 1.-Two
to grow up with the country.
No matter what it is you have to
do,, always take Your time. Never
look for needle in haste act.
1t was young housekcepcr who
set the cake she had baked for Il party
out of doors one cold night to be frost
cd.
They have at last found way to
prevent sea-sickness. ANY passenger
who Is sick will be charged double
fare.
The Buffalo Erpress says the rca-
son men succeed who "mind their own
business" Is because there is SO little
competition III that line.
"A confined prisoner is apt to be an
migrate; and IL isn't to be wondered at,
considering the many bars to his pleas
urcS.
DO you love this girl better than
You do her sister?" was what Kan.
sas clergyman asked man, who stood
up before him to be made husband.
-'Don't speak all at one, girls. His
serene higfness, Prince ,Hermah En-.
gene Adolph Bernhard Franz Ferdi-
nand August Won superintendent
Hohenstein is looking for n wife.
"A German life insurance company
company, called Der Lebensversichcr-
ungsgesellschaft complains of the ir-
regularity ofthe mails. Yet one would
suppose it got all Of its letters.
is your house warm one, land
lord" asked lady in search Of q
dwelling. "It ought to be; the paint
cr has just given it two coats" was
tile reply.
Abiding to Beecher's estimate,
that one female houseGy will lay 20
ONO eggs in season, the ChUrch
,Cn'on thinks sits pity fly couldn' t
be grated OH hen.
Said JONES' ''Smith won't have
SO soft n thing as he has had "I
don't know" replied Robinson, "hc'll
have a soft thing SO long as he don't
lose his head"
-"Arc VIC cxtravagant asks a
Boston paper. "If YOU pay five cents
for a cigar when YOU eau beg one, you
are" says the economist of the Norris
town Herald.
1t was q man Of considerable
means who said, when thrown from
his horse, that although not in a very
comfortable position, yet he consider
cd himself pretty we'll off.
"A young lady ate halfa wedding
| cake and then tried to dream of our
| future husband. Now she says she
would rather die than marry the man
that she saw in that dream.
--"Evcrything good in man leans
upon something higher" SO does
everything bad in him for that matter,
rs witness his reliance on a la,np-post
when his legs prove faithlcss.
Jones is small; his wife is tall,
But both arc full of grittlc.
Says he to her: "Yo on dress too much ~
Says She; "You dress too little!"
Women have cheek enough to
wear mcn's hats on their heads, but
there is one thing they dare not do /:
Not one of them dare remove her
hat in public and dust of the bald
spot.
Cruelty TO any living creature
shows bad heart. The boy who de-
lights i'll torturing q wasp with a pin
ill surely come to some bad end if the
wasp has fair show in its business
movements.
"A young wife demonstrating win
her husband on his dissipatcd habits,
was answered.: 8" am like the Drodi-
gal son, my dear; will reform by and
BY" ~ will be like him too," she
said; 81 will arise and 60 to my faith
cr."
"A St. Thomas (Om.) man vel
coined the Goyernor-Gcneral with a
row of hollow lighted pumpkins, each
pumpkin having letter carved on it,
and the whole spelling out the ancient
joke, "All -Lornc.'
The maddcst performance record
| ed in Mr.. W. r. Dobson's history OF
'Litcrary Frivolitics" is that Of the
mnn who discovered there was 1885
ways of spelling the word scissors
and who accordingly sat down and
wrote them out in a volume contain
ing 300 pages of three columns each.
"A wife who had been lecturine
her husband for coming home intoxi.
Gated became incenscd at his indificy-
encc, and exclaimed: "Oh, that
could wiring tears Of anguish from
your cyes!" To which the hardened
wretch hiccoughed: "'Tai-tain't no
use, old woman TO bo-borc for water
here"