Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-15


 this morning, amt it, Angy?" Angelina: ''Yes! Not a soul one knows mentioned! not even in the deaths l'
 The price of mince pies in Leavile has talien to forty cents each, at which figure all the buttons found between the crusts must be returned to the waiter. Six medical New York experts examined man as to his sanity and were evenly divided After they had wrangled about it for week 1t was discovered that they had examined the wrong person altogether.
 A gentleman named McCann
 Sat down on warming-pan.
 The pan being heated,
 f. He didn't stay seated,
 But rose and to swear began.
 Some people are born to ill luck. An old woman who has pasted nearly five thousand medical recipes in book during the past for ty years has yer been ill day in her life, and she is growing discouraged:
 "Do you use many flowers on your table?" asked Mrs. Murray Hill of southern visitor. "Well, yes" was the reply; i've have wheat and rye bread for breakfast, but the old man sticks to corn dodgers"
 When mans wife comes in and sees him razor in hand and with his face all lather. and asks him: Are you shaving?" it's provok- ing thing in him to answer 'No, Fun black ing the stove," but it's human nature to so re- ply.
 The squash bug, that entering wedge of the insect world, will be glad that you bought those Hubbard and Marrowfat seeds. He will sit beneath the shadow of the broad leaves next summer and bless you while he fares sumptuously every day.
 In Board of Aldermen motion was made to purchase twelve gondolas for the park. This was opposed by member, who thought the motion extravagaDt as to numbers, 80 he moved as an amendment that they purchase only two gondolas, a male and female, and trust to the future for increase
 A boy 10 years of age who has an eager love of music was permitted to attend the Grand Opera not long ago. When his mother asked what he thought of the performance he said '1t was the foolishest thing ever saw {; but it was about the best music ever heard" Thus spoke an honest critic, and not bad One
 When human skeleton is dug up, we ire quently see it stated that the remains are sup posed to an lndian's from the fact that flint arrowheads are found with them. The mod ern Indian would be best known by a whisky bottle-a far deadlier weapon, by the way, than the primitive one.
 Don't waste your time clipping of the branches" " said the wOOdman to his son, 'but lay your axe at the root of the tree." And the young man went out and laid his axe at the root of the tree, like a good and dutiful boy, and then went fishing. Truly, there is nothing so beautiful as filial obedience
 An Irishman once saw clock which showed fbo Croa I0nhlin m nd hp aaXv that the Dublin time was twenty minutes be- hind that of Greenwich, and he asked how that was and It was explained to him that Dublin being to the west of the first meridian must have it's time later than that of Green wich ''Then, be the powers says Pat, ''there is another injustice to ould Ireland."-
 Our iron-clad navy at present consists of twenty-fO ships, of which two are in con- mission, five on the stocks, seven repairing, and ten ready to be sold to junkman. We do not wish to alarm England unnecessarily, but merely meption these facts with the view of warning her that it is her policy to be civil
 A Board school teacher was endeavoring to ascertain the extent of her childrens knowl- edge of numbers. On the question being ask ed, "W ould you rather have three paper bags with two oranges in each, or two paper. bags with three oranges in each? ?" all but one little fellow expressed themselves as without prefer ence. The teacher asked this pupil for his decision. and he was persistent in liking the three bags; his reason for this was, 'SO could have more bags to bust '"
 They were sitting about the stove at the grocery listening to the yarns of an old sailor, and the ancient mariner had just remarked: ''The next we tackled was right whale, and it was an ugly one and stove all three of our boats and killed the second mate," when sad eyed man in the corner timidly observed: ''It seems to me that instead of a right whale you tackled the wrong whale." And then they all rose and walked out in Indian file.
 This story is told of two well-known south ern clergymen, one ot whom undertook to re- buke the other for using tobacco: ''Brother G." he. exclaimed, without stopping to ask chew tocacco?" 1T must confess that do." the other quietly replied. Then I would quit it, sir," the old gentleman energeticaly con- tinued ''it is very nnclerical practice and very uncleanly one. Tobacco. Why, sir, even hog won't chew it." 'Father O., do you chew tobacco?" responded the amused listener q? No, sirl" he answered gruf1y, with much indignation. ''Then, pray, which is the most like the hog, you or IF" The OIu uOCtOE Lat SlucS 6uOOk WILL IaukutSf us he said:. "Wsll, have been fairly caught this time"
 contributor to Tinsley's Magazine relates this anecdOte of an actors mother: remem- Der whimsical incident occurring in thea tre where the leading member of the con- pany was celebrated for his magnificent phy- sique. One night he was enacting VirgiHius, and his mother, who had never been in a theatre in all her life, happened on the occa- sion to be in the boxes. Fresh from her na- tive Yorkshire village, it will be readily ilI- agined that she was some what bewildered with the novelty of the scene. When her son appeared she was amazed at the grandeur of his presence in feshings. sandals and toga. His appearance caused good deal of enthuS- iastic applause. When it had subsid"d the proud mother, unable to restrain herself and to the astonishment ff all around her said, "Pm SO glad you like him. He's my son." Whereupon the mother immediately became the center of attraction, and one admirer ex- claimed, "Well, madam you may well be proud of your son. for he looks godlike as a Roman" An" sighed the poor old lady, in reply. 'I didn't want him to be a Roinan. He would have looked splendid as a'poiice- man "-' .. WHAT IT DoEs, Kidney-Wor moves the bowels regularly, cleanses the blood, and rad ically cures Kidney disease, gravel, piles, bill ous headache, and pains which are caused by