The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-04-30
VARIETIES.

Pardon me" said Bob, when he stepped
on the girls foot in the dance. Don't apol-
ogize," said she, "beaux on the shoes are fash
ionable, and we can stand anything for style. "
The little one made beautiful answer
without knowing it, What kiss such a
homely man as papa " said the mother in fun
"Oh, but papa is real pretty in his heart, was
the reply.
An exchange says Miss Kellogg will new
er marry unless she loses her voice. and she is
right 1t is an immense pity that her noble
example is not more generally followed
"A bore once said to Jerrold, in com
pany which was discussing the merits ofa
certain piece ofmusic THAT song, sir, always
carries me away" The wit quietly turned
to his friends and asked, will some one
kindly sing :"
81 don't like these shoes, said lady Gus
toner, because the soles are too thick" rs
that the only objection % blandly asked the
salesman. Yes was the reply Then
madam, if you take the shoes, | can assure
you the objection will gradually wear away"
Happy Thought Noble Breeder of
Short Horns: "Well, you are splendid fell
low, and no mstakew Prize Bull so
would you be, my Lord if you could only
have chosen your pa and ma as carefully and
judiciously ms you chose mine V-PHnch.
Old Mrs. Skittleworth don't know why
people will make counterfeit money. She
says she tried to pass bad half dollar a
dozen times the other day, but nobody would
have it, and she thinks it waste of time to
make such stuff-Norrtstoscn Herald
You can't have everything you want in
this world. Life is like blanket that is too
short if you pull it over your shoulders, you
uncover your feet and if you cover your feet
your shoulders must be bare. However, some
cheerful people manage to draw their feet up
little, and so pass pleasant night.
When a New Hampshire chap wanted
to break off the engagement of the girl he
loved to another fellow, he didn't try to per
suade either that the other was false. He
just contrived to get them both to join the
same church choir, and in less than week
they didn't specialization Post.
The Cardinal Virtues-Old parson (who
had once been curate in the parish)-"How
do you manage to get on in these bad times,
Mr. johnson ?" Farmer-"Well, sir, about
as bad as can be! Last year we lived on
faith; this year we're Twin in hope, and
next year I'm afraid we shall have to depend
on charity "-L0ndon Punch.
Dean Stanley told good story recently
He said a minister of one of the younger
branches OF the church was calling the atten-
ton of q member of the Established Church
of Scotland to some of the great abuses in
that venerable Church, to which the Scotch
minister replied, "When your chimney has
smoked so long as ours, perhaps it will have
as much SCOT in it"
A United States Senator saws that he
would not give fig for q girl who could not
answer these questions "How long must q
hen set before chickens are Matched? How
long does turkey set before Matching q
brood? How old must chickens be before
they are fit to broil? AT what age may young
pigs be roasted? ?" He has trained his daugh-
ter on these points and is proud to say that
she can pass the examination successfully.
81 have been sendin' my darter Nancy to
skool, and last Friday / went over to the
skool to see how she was gettn' along, and |
seed things | didn't like by no means. The
skoolmaster was larnin' her things entirely
out of the line of eddycation, and as think
improper. | set awhile in the skool house
and heard one class say their lesson. The
lesson that Nancy said was nuthin' but the
foolshest kind of talk the rediclist words
she said was 4 love- | looked at her for be-
in so improper but she went right on and
sui thou ioNC9 anu lpNtS Anu L Itth-
on you never heard such n rigmarole in your
life-love, love, love and nothn' but love-
She said one time, L did love- SEE |, who
did you love?' The skolars laffed but |
wasn't to be put off, and said Who did you
love, Nancy The skoolmaster said he
would explain when Nancy had finished the
lesson. This sorter pacified me, and Nancy
Went on with her awful love talk. 1t got
wus and wus every word. She sed, II might
or would love. | stopped her again and sed
| reckon | would see about that, and told her
to walk out of that house. The skoolmaser
tried to interfere, but ! would not let him say
word. He said l was fool, and nockt
him down, and | made him holler in short
order talkt the strate thing to him /
told him I'd show him to learn my darter
grammar. got the nabers together and we
sent him off in hurry, and reckon thar'l
be no more grammar teachin in these parts
soon.