The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-03-06
HUMOROUS,

HUMOROUS.
| ~ CAUTIOUS writer will always be on
MS guard against the accumulation of
proofs, lest that should happen to him
| Wnlc't lsS lid to have occurred to BiShO Il
Bloomfield. After the learned Bishop
fad preached ascrmon on the existence
OF God, an admirlng farmer was heard
to say: "Our Bishops Il main good
preacher, but can't help thinking as
now there be Il God, after ALL"
JONES, who was invclghIng against
the shortcomings of Benson, a Gus
tom House Inspector, was reproved by
Hrownlow with tho charitable remark
You shouldn't judge Benson 80 harsh
~, Jones put yourself in his place.
now "fhat's just what | have
occn trying TO do the last SIX months, -
oroke In Jones, unthinkingly giving
himself away.
a. GENTLEMAN who was intercediug
with Bishop Bloomfield for clergy
man who was constantly III debt, aud
had more than once been insolvent, but
VINO was man of talents and elO-
qucnce, concluded his eulogism by
st. Paul" "Yes," said The bishop,
dryly, Gin prisons off,"
~ VERY tedious old actor, whose
llanhet occupied four hours, was once
paying the part in Il country town,
ana with plenty Of emphasis and no
discretion was "ladiEg out" the cele-
bratcd soiiloquv. "To-bc-or-not-
to-bc.' when an lrrevcrcnt gallery
boy called out to him, ooh, toss up tor
IT, mister, and don't preach"
Ar Il small country town there lately
died middlc-aged man, leaving Il
widow Of thirty-iive. AT the funeral
the deacon of the village alluded to the
good qualities of the deceased, and
among others his generosity. lie said
the deceased had lent him some money
once. Upon winch the weeping widow
raised her head and inquired how
much, and whether lie h ad paid II back
or not.
"TnAr's not badly painte,l-that
sketch. DO you know who did it?"
Waiter" Yes, sir; that's / bit o. mas
tcr,s cousins work.' Tourist-"Oh |!
He's an amateur, suppose" Waiter
what he Is; suppose he is some thing
q that sort; goes travelling about doc-
torin' the live Stock
HEAVEN is better place than this.
SO suppose, mourning sisters, who
weep over your Chippcd china and
cracked glassware that you will meet
all til help that ever left you, up in
that better place. Still, do not sup
pose they would stay there very long.
unless they were allowed to 20 out
twice il week.
OBSERVING little brothers remark
before room full Of company: 81
know what made that red mark OH
Mary's nose; 1T was the rim of John
Parker's hnt.' And there are GIRLS
who believe that little brothers never
go to heaven.
a SUITABLE ana Sula-I Ircply-Young
Vicar Uacctiously): "Wcll,. John,
how smart you are this morning; who
gave you the new clothcs?" John
(aughingly): "Ecs sir, the same as
gave you yourn--thc parish, sir"
Vicar rctircs somcW hat discounted.
mo. Sir, Pm not going TO the Smiths
receptions this ycar-not by a ug-fuIl g.
The society you meet there is decided
~ quite toO-'
"MiNcd?"
"No, by Jove, not even that.
lT is said that a human being has
seven millions of pores, through which
pcrSpiratton and exhausted PARTICLES Of
the system escape. We arc all pore
creatures.
'iF Jones undertakes to pull nv
ears, said loud-mouthed fellow on a
street corner, che will just have his
hands full.' The crowd looked at the
mans ears and thought so too.
SHE was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond Of her; she hated him,
but woman-like she stroYe to catch
him. He was flea. y
BIRDS are entitled to justice. When
man is indulging IN a fro'ic, to say
he's "out on lark,' is libel on that
bird. lie is really out on a swallow.
CONDUCTOR (to Brown, who is pretty
nearly pumped out with running to
catch his express 'bus)-'All right,
sir, all right; don't furry yourself,
you're a-gaining."
THE worst case OF "stage fright" is
that OF the man who thinks he has
passed up q TWO dollar and a half gold
piece instead Of dime to the dri yer.
1T rains alike on the just and the un.
.iust-on the just mainly becauc the un.
just have borrowed their umbrellas.
| BLIFFERs says that the most comfort
able hat a man can wear this colo
weather, Is one that Is little stove.