The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-03-12
COMICALITIES.
MAN wants but little here bin owe,
But wants that little paid.

must chip in at the proper time.-N q.
Picayuae.
liz Adam was the first person singular,
Eve must have been the second person
spoken to.
A HOUSEWIFE wants enough OF most
provisions, but she desires her pie-crust
| to be short.
BROOKLYN is to be heated by steam.
Heretofore it has been kept warm by
ministerial scandals.
IT is one thing to try to behave like a
gentleman and quite another thing to be
a gentleman and not need to try.
A MAN in Utah who has only the legal
number of wife, is spoken OF as, "com-
paratively speaking, bachelor y
He is a very good-natured musical
critic who ascribcs the failure OF a
violinist to the quality of the rosin.
TEEToTALERs object to the theatre be-
cause the house often gets full, and the
audience gets intoxicated with delight.
WHEN Edison hears of light shower
he jumps up right away, and says he can
improve ON the way the thing is done.
The latest new book is entitled, "a
Woman After AL" This should be suf-
ficient to put every bachelor on his
guard.
If young man is in great hurry to
settle down, he should locate himself ON
swamp lands where the mud is soft.-N.
o. Picaguae.
THE quality of mercy is not strained,
and for that reason the milk OF human
kindness should not be SKINNED.
orleans Picayune.
The fact that most of the streams and
ponds of Florida abound in alligators
makes it uphill work for the Baptist
Church i'll that state.
AFTER plank walk has been exposed
to the weather until each particular
board curls mp like breakdown, people
are apt to get on the warp-path.
SHE said 81 am going to the post
office, John; shall inquire for you ?"
"Well, yes, if you have mind TO; but
don't think you will find me there"
WILL you name the bones of the
head 2" said a teacher to one OF his class.
GIVE got 'em all in my head, teacher
replied the pupil, "but 1 can't give
EN-"
RATHER cold snap, remarked the fox,
as he put his foot into the steel trap.
We shall have an open spring, was all
that the trapper vouchsafed as he ap-
preached the animal.
ONE reason-and it's big one-why
men don't got on better in the world is
because they shoot first and take aim
afterward. There are others, again, VIII"
take aim and never shoot.
The difference between the Indian
whom the whites first found in this
country and the Indians whom the gov
eminent now finds, is that the former
raised corn as well as Cain.
WHEN Philadelphia man loses his
jack-knife, he doesn't swear, but contents
himself with tearing down all the doors
in the house. 1t is a great thing to be
able to refrain from profanity.
BISMARCK has 4G6 decorations. The
other day lie put them all OH and pre-
scented such gorgeous appearance that
he was mistaken for an advance agent OF
anegro minstrel show.-AiJany Journal
"PApA, what makes some printers
drink SO hard ?" asked wise little Johnnie
the other evening. 81 thought they
always drank easy enough" growled the
old man, as he looked up from his pa
per.
The Princess Louise isn't bit stuck
ND, but if Toronto boy should yell out,
Chow ar We, Lou?" she wouldn't re-
ply, elm tip-top, and don't you forget
A WESTERN sleeping-car was recently
entertained with the sight OF a man beat
ing his wife. Some men have the rare
faculty of making themselves home any
where.
An article is going. the rounds warning
people against eating snow, but Boston
paper says: "Bless your dear heart,
there hasn't been snow enough for
square meal this winter, not down this
way."-N y. Express.
HE-"I believe I'm growing much
broader, my dear; when / bought this
coat it was quite loose, and now it is SO
tight / can scarcely get it on" She
"Don't Hatter yourself; you've been out
in the rain and got it shrunk. london
Judy.
THE following anecdote is told by an
American preacher: He was praying,
and in his prayer he said: 81 pray that
the power of Satan may be curtailed."
Just then an old darkey in the congrega-
ton cried out, eyes, amen! Bress me!
Cut him tail right smack smoove of.
THEY were sitting together Sunday
evening, with an album or two between
them, when she pleasantly asked: "How
would You like to have my mother live
with you?" In Just Is seconds he had
his hat drawn half way over his face and
was boiling through the gate.-Don6ary
Ne@s.
BELLE" This holly in my hair wants
little relief-it's too red" Aunty-
"Well, why not put in sprig or two OF
mistletoe, dear?" Belle" Nonsense,
aunty. Why / should have all the
young men kissing me-" Aunty-" In
deed, no, my dear; they'd do nothing OF
the kind. I've tried EN-"
We ale all like the Russian peasant
who said. doctor, whenever ] shake
NV head have q terrible shooting pain
in my BRAIN" "Why in the world,
then,h replied the doctor, "do you shake
YOUR head? 2" The peasant thought
minute and then answered: "Why,
doctor, I have to shake my head to see
whether the pain If still there" The
hardest thing to do is to let well enough
alone.
THERE il story told OF q blunt OH
sea captain who was noted for his ex-
treme personal plainness. Being present
ut n party, he had taken no part III the
dance, as his hostess had some difficulty
in providing him with partner. AT
last she led him up to prim and aged
spinster, at the same time whispering
few words of apology in his ear. "Oh,
you needn't make any apology, madam,
said he with alacrity. "Any old thing
is good enough for me"
Ina New England village Baptist
preacher was discussing from the text,
"In those days came John the Baptist
preaching in the wilderness OF Judea.
Warming up, he said, sob! how l like
TO read these words in the blessed Bible.
You don't read anywhere in it about
John the Methodist, nor about John the
Presbyterian, nor about John the Epis-
copalian, nor about John the Congrega.
tionalist. But it is John the Baptist! Oh!
how I like to read that! .
A PASSENGER in q crowded street car
the other day observed the entrance OF
man followed by an old woman, and see
ing that she looked tired and weak, he
considerably rose and offered her his
seat. Before she could take it, however,
the man had quietly filed the vacancy.
"Here, Just come out OF that, said the
passenger; st didn't give up my seat to
T. To xvbiah tho fell