The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-07-15
PASSING SMILES.

ARE you tired of your engagement
Chew onions.
A FIFTY-DoL1AR painted fan raises no
more wind than iive-cent palm-leaf.
The good man says "All things are
for the best" and mentally adds, 81 am
the best"
"WHAr I should like to know said u
School Board official, sis how the mouths
of rivers can be larger than their heads"
A LADY for the first time listening to
the "still small voice" of telephone re-
marked: "Good gracious, it sounds just
like ones conscience.
EVERY time man truly repents,"
says Josh Billings, she is born again, but
there is lots ov people who repent every
night regular so as to be ready for active
Dizziness tomorrow"
IT is only the female mosquito thai
bites, but when man gets chance to
belt one with towel, he's going to do
it without stopping to inquire as to its
gender"
II SHALL find another channel for my
article" said the author of rejected
contribution. "That's right" was the
answer of the courteous magazine editor;
1.-The British Channel would be an excel
lent place for it.
'Ir looks like the scene of great
BATTLE" remarked great traveller, view.
ing the work of recent cyclone at the
West yes" said the native solemnly,
and without removing his pipe, "the
place was TUX by storm"
THE father of st. Louis bride pre-
sented his son-in-law with eighty thou
sand head of cattle. Papa, dear" ex-
claimed his daughter, when she heard of
it, "that was so good Of you; Charley'a
so fond of ox-tail soup"
NEXT to IL tailor who promises you q
new suit in order that you may get away
to the seashore on Sunday, and then dis
appoints you, comes the tiend in female
form who brings home your washing on
Monday morning instead OF Friday
night.
As it should be! "Young persons
ought, above all things, to be taught
perfect candor. "-MHnuel Of Etiquette. |
Visitor-'1s Miss Percival at home?"
Servant-"No, Miss. Did you wish to
see herr Visitor-"Lor', no! / want
her to see me-
SOME men are born to bad luck. A
New Hampshire man went through three
years of the war and wasn't even scratch.
ed or sick day, while his next neighbor
got wound in the only battle he was Ill
that entities him to a big pension, while
the first POOR fellow has to work for
living.
"IsH der prisoner guilty or not guilty?'
other day "Not guilty, your honor"
promptlyresponded the person addressed
Den you youst get Duet and go apout
your Freshness, my vrend, and stop your
fooling round here NIT your blayen off,,
Indignantly responded the outraged arm
of the law.
",ARE you prepared for death ?" the
clergyman asked, with tremor Of
emotion in his voice as he took the sick
womans hand in his own. A shade of
patient thought crossed the invalid's face,
and by-an-by she said "she didn't hardly
believe she was; there was the little bed
room carpet to be taken up yet, and the
paint up stairs had hardly been touched,
and she did want to put up new curtains
in the dining-room; but she thought that
if she didn't die until next Monday, she
would be about as near ready as woman
with big family and no girl ever expect
ed to be-" p. S.-That woman got well.
burlington HaWkeye.
A wELL-DREssED negro applied to the
Judge of Probate of Mobile for marriage
license. He was asked how old his in
tended was, and answered with great
animation "Just 16, Judge-sweet 16,
and de handsomest girl in town." The
Judge said he could not do it, as the law
forbade him to issue license to any one
under IS. Well, hold on, Judge" ex-
claimed the man, 81 know dat dem girls
am deceitful and lie about DER age. She
is 10 if day." "Will you swear to it p
asked the Judge. Eyes, sab, he replied,
and did. "And how old are you ?" said
the Judge. The chap, looking suspicious,
replied cautiously: "35," and added, "if
dat won't do Judge, I've got more back"