The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-07-16
PASSING SMILES.

DEsPAIRNG old maids look languish.
lngly even on rain-bows.
A RECENT discovery is telephone
talked to death by barber.
A TRAMP called his shoes Corpora
tons, because they had no soles.
g The battles of the union-fghting be-
tween husband and wife.
AUTHORS are spoken of as dwelling in
attlcs, because so few of them are able to
live on their first story.
ga FHTY-cENr fan makes as much
wind as fifty dollar one. Yes: and it's
just the same with political orators. ~
AN Irish judge thus sentenced a pris-
oner: " You are to be hanged and / hope
it will prove warning to you"
q A TOURIST in Virginia says he has
been informed that wherever an old Vir-
glnlan is buried bed of mint springs
up.
"YEs, I want my daughter to study
rhetoric, said the Vermont mother,
/" for she can't fry pancakes now without
smoking the house all up"
DISTRACTED mother-sIf YOU children
make such noise 1 shall go out of my
mind" Young Rip-"Go on, mother;
I'll mind the young uns while you're
gone.
Glow like its father it is!'' exclaimed
the nurse, on the occasion of the christ.
ening of baby whose father was over
seventy, and had married a young wife.
"Y'ery like" replied satirical lady, cit
hasn't tooth in its head"
PEOPLE often complain of hard times
from a mere natural tendency to growl,
but Georgia darkey the other day said:
'FNebber seed SIGH times since [ was
born. Work all day and steal all night,
and blessed if I kin hardly make
ibbin'. I"
A GALLANT old gentleman by the name
of Page, finding young lady's glove at
a watering place, presented it to her
with the following words:
" If from your glove you take the letter G,
Your glove is love--which devote to thee"
To which the lady returned the follow
ing neat answer:
Of from the Page you take the letter P,
Your Page is age, and that won't do for me-"
/ A GENTLEMAN informed by bill OF
the window of house, that g apartments
were to be let" knocked at the door,
and, attended by pretty female, took a
survey Of the premises. 'tPray, my
DEAR said he smiling, sc are you to be
let with these lodgings?" ''No," re-
piled the file de chana6re with vivacity,
81 but am to be let alone.
A GENTLEMAN ordered his servant "a
regular Pat) to awake him at o'clock
that he might get ready to start at Z by
an early coach, in which he had taken
his place, for the country. The gentle
man awoke and called his man: ''What
o'clock is it," ''Just 7, your honor"
q ''Seven, did I not tell you to wake me
at 6?' 'tYes, sir" ''And why did you
not? Because your honor was asleep"
A YOUNG man with an extremely pow
erful voice was In doubt what branch of
musical art to adopt. He went to the
composer Cherubini for advice. '.Sup-
pose you sing me few bars, . said the
master The young fellow sang SO loud
that the walls fairly shook. Now
said he; "what do you think I am best
fitted for?" "Auctioneer, dryly replied
Cherubini
A GOOD minister out West preached
sermon on peace-making, aimed at two
of the deacons of his church who had
long been at swords points; and such
was his eloquence and earnestness that
directly after the benediction was pro-
nounced one of the deacons went over to
the other and remarked, with tears in
his eyes, ''Brother Stiggins, after such
sermon there must be peace between us.
Now I can't give in, SO you must j."