The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-12-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

The bell OF the kitchen The dinner
bell.
Parlor matches Counting in the
drawing-room.
Ought woman to kiss tobacco
chewer? Yes, if she chews.
A Utah wedding paragraph says 'the
bride was logged out in white gauze."
Darling, this potato is only half
done" "Then eat the done half,
love, Puck.
Little Carrie c. said she liked sea-
bathing, "only her mouth leaked and
let in the salt water
In the first transports of delight the
happy father rushed into the room, ex-
claiming, I've got son; it's a boy"
Mistress Bridget, didn't you hear
me call?" Bridgct-"Yis, mum; but
We towld me the other day niver to an
swer ye back-and didn't"
A young lady was asked recently
which she preferred of two brothers,
She responded; ''When am with Ell
Their of them, prefer the other
sIsn' that your friend, Mime. S., who
is dancing thercPn Yes" That's
frightfully ill-made dress she has on.
"Yes, but if it wasn't it wouldn't fit
| her.
III you will consent to my marriage
with your daughter she will be treated
as an angel" THAT is was the mat
ter-of-fact reply, sin a short time she
would not have anything to wear"
Magistrate-''You are charged with
having emptied basin of water over
the plaintiff. y Irshwoman - Sure.
yer honor, We must forgive me; in the
dark | took the gentleman for my hus-
band"
| To calculate the entire cost of trip
to the top of Mount Washington you
have only to summit up, remarks wit
ty individual. We presume, however,
it would answer the same purpose to
foot it up. ~''"
A repeater tried to vote for a dead
man in San Francisco, and little Irish
man objected. 'On what ground?"
said the Judge. Because, begorra.''
said Pat, 1.-THE man died in the Fourth
ward, and we are after voting him in
the Third"
1t is said that the scorpion when sur
rounded by circuit of fire, turns and
stings itself to death. Probably it feels
something like the young man after he
is Tilted, and whose only ambition is to
get out under the silent stars and kick
himself over fence"
An exchange has an article on the
"Curiosties of Courtship." One of
the curiosities of courtship, which the
author forgot to mention, is when the
girls father shakes you by the hand and
says he is glad to see you. tits curious
because it rarely happens.
The worst cut up man of the hour,
according to the Cleveland Voice, is
that Western reporter who, in describ-
ing the appearance of the belle of the
town at a local party, intended to say
that she looked az fat, but, of course,
the types had to get it "all feetr'
A man noted for the non-payment of
his bills, remarking that he "sprang
from Mother Earth" bystander said:
If that's so, you are disgrace to your
maternal ancestor" "How SOP" in
CURED the impecunious man. "Be-
cause she always settles in the spring,
and you never SETTLE" was the reply.
81 wish I was STAR" he said, smil-
ing, II would rather you were COM
et,' she said dreamily. His heart beat
unanimously. ''And why?" he asked
tenderly. ooh" she said, with brood
ing earnestness that fell upon his soul
like bare foot upon cold oilcloth,
because then you would come round
only once every 1900 years"
AT school some time since boy
was reciting a poem referring to some
ancient mariner who insists upon living
by the seaside because he cannot dwell
beyond old oceans roar; but unfortun-
ately, grim palsy holds him to his
bed" what is grim palsyP" cried
the schoolmaster, interrupting the boy.
Grim palsy, sirP please, sir, it's his
wife, sir" answered the boy.
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