Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-12-03
f u n

SPooPENDYKE's INSTRUMENTATION
my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
stretched himself and drew on his panta.
looms. ''you have cleaned these trousers
filst-rate. This is what call economy
1t saves money. # l had taken 'em to til
tailor's it would have cost a couple OF dol
lars at least, and you have saved just tina
AMOUNT and Mr.. Spoopendyke went h.
his additions and then pulled on his shirt
s'I'll clean your coat, too. if you like,
said Mrs. Spoopendyke. Leave it a
home some day and III take this spot Oh
of the sleeve" and MIS-. Spoopendyk,
hustled around and looked delighted witt
the idea of pleasing her husband.
"Where's my suspenders?'' asked Mr.
Spoopendyke, screwing himself aroune
and looking down his back. You dldn'
clean the suspenders clear out OF sight, dit
yoa?"
''They were there when you put on you
pants,'' said Mrs. Spoopendyke. Il haven
touched them. What did you do Wit.
them?''
''Oh, yes, certainly. I did somethins
with them! What dye 'spose l did wit
them? Think 1 set 'em up il bushes
somewhere, don't ye? Got an idea l CAV
7em vacation to go fishing, haven ye
Well, l didn't, and more n that [ didn
send 'em away to be eduoated for tn
ministry. Where's my suspenders
Where'd you put 'em? 'Spose I'm goln,
around holding these pants up all day
Think I've got no business interests be
sides holding on my breeches with bot
hands2 Whatd you do with the measl
things?"
IL know 1 didn't take them off til
pants,'' said Mrs. Spoopendyke. pulling
open the bureau drawers and bustlint
things around in vain endeavor to flint
the missing articles.
MAY be L can fix your pants so you
won't need any suspenders to-day, and III
find them before night suggested Mis-
Spoopendyke.
''That's i'll You've got it!'' raved Mi
Spoopendyke. ''How are you going to III
'em? Going to tie them Oh with shoe
string, like you do your hustle? Going
walk behind me all day and hold 'em OIL!
P'raps you can pull I'm UP and button 'en
around my neck How dye propose 1t
fix 'em Going to put EN- on me npsid'
down, so if they fall they'll fall up? 1t !
had your head Ia go out TO service as
file. Fix 'em. why don't ye? Why dom
We KEN These trowsers are getting SIC
at the stomach, waiting to be liked !" ant
Mr.. Spoopendyke shot ac oss the room anI
dove under the wardrobe IN search OF tie
lost suspenders.
ssThey must be there somewhere"
aSAow 'em to me!'' demanded Mr.
Spoopendyke, stake stick and point EN-
out to me Of course they're here some
where, only just put your thumb on 'en
What have ye done with 'em? Can't u
recollect whether ye made 'em up into hat
bands for the heather like you did u,
dressing-gown or whether you planted then
to see if they would grow like you Gid Il
straw-hat? Think they walked off like
croton bug i? 'Spose those suspenders hav
taken their girl to a picnic What KIM
OF housekeeping dye call this, anyhow
Where's my suspenders 20 howled MI
Spoopendyke, poking around in the soile'
elothes.bag. ssWhere's those suspenders?
and be pulled the books off the shelf ant
rummaged around behind the case with
broom handle for divining rcd
'sJust let me buckle them tight behind,
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, 1.-THE strap viii
hold them.'
ssThat's the scheme,'' shrieked Mr.
Spoopendyke, something's got to hole
them! If 1 was as sharp as you I'd ge
rich hiring out for an oyster-knife' Goinl
to find those dog-gasted suspenders be
tween now and the next war ?''
81 know they we're on his pants when b
nut them on unused Mrs. Spoopendyke
entering upon little inductive reasoning
HE didn't take them off, and so the
must be there now,'' and the good womal
approached her husband with smile.
.-Oh! now THERE gong to be fxed,'' sail
Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a horrible grim
"P'raps you're going to cut button hole
in your hands and feet and hang over NJ
shoulders. amt ye? Want me to put zen
on over my head like measly shirt will
two tucks and flounce TO it, don't ye
May be you think those suspenders hurrle'
down to breakfast, SOS to get the frs
crack at the morning papers, don't We %
But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no res
ponse. Opening the back of her husband
fluttering shirt she saw the missing sus
penders. He had Slipped them over hi
shoulders before assuming the muslin, an
had forgotten all about them.
"Smart as whip, amt YEP" growle
Mr., Spoopendyke as he drew off his shir
and let the suspenders down. IF m
head was as clear as yours I'd hire out 70
a church bell. You only need fou
lenses and drop of rain water to be
microscope" And spoopendyke hurrle
on his clothes and seuttled down stairs t
get the morning paper before his wifi
conJd make clutch at it,-Bro0kly