Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-02-06
F. u N

AN INNOCENT ABRoAD.-The other
day the police at the Union depot noticed
a feeble-looking old man wandering in and
out to kill time until his train should de-
part. and as he several times displayed
quite roll Of bills he was cautioned to
look out for pickpockets and confidence
men.
"Wouldn't anybody rob an old man like
nae would they?" he innocently asked.
The warning was repeated, but he logged
around as before, and after time was
seen in consultation with two strangers,
who had walked him around to the wharf.
An officer got him away from them and
angrily said
''Didn't warn you against strangers?
Those fellows are after your money!n
''But how can they get it when I have
it in nay pocket and my hand on it all the
time?''
s'Well, you look out.''
Eyes, I'll look out; but don't want to
be uncivil. When anybody talks to me 1
like to talk back.''
The strangers soon had him on the string
again and in about quarter of an hour
they left him in hurried manner, and he
sauntered into thy depot with his wallet
in his hand.
ssThere! You've let 'em beat you'll ex-
claimed the officer. ''How much did you
lend them2"
s'Wall, they wanted twenty dollars" be
slowly replied.
s'And you handed it over, of course?"
81 give 'em fifty dollar bill and got
thirty Dack.'
''Well, you'll never see the bill again.,
"Ikinder hope not. "he chuckled. as he cast
down his eye. ut was counterfeit which
my son found In Troy, and being as am
very old and innocent, and not up to the
tricks Of the wicked world, guess I'll get
into the cars before somebody robs me of
my boots! If anyone should come around
looking for me, please say I'm not at
home!''
PROCEEDINGS OF THE PARADISE HALL
CLUB.-There was sadness in every eye as
the members of the club softly filed in and
took their seats. Each one had seen the
Grape on the hall door, and each one had
been told that death had again invaded
Paradise Hall.
''Gem'len, began the President. as he
rose up and looking down the hall at the
vacant seat bedecked with Grape, sit am
my painful dooty to inform you that
Brudder Torpedo Hunt am no more on dis
earth. He passed away las night arter
ali illness of only free days. Torpedo was
our brudder an an earnest worker in de
cause,'' continued the President; .'but if
STAN hear to yulogize him, 1 must not
forget dat he had his faults. If de truth
can't hurt de Twin 1t can't harm the dead
Torpedo was great ham to git up airly
in de mawnin, an to work hard all day,
but his chill'en went bar footed all win
ter jist de same. He was kind to his wife,
and felt bad for de po', but he never play
ed yuker wid0ut hevin' two extra bowers
up his sleeve. He didn't get drunk, but
no rail fence had any bizness widin mile
OF his cabin in winter. He didn't ingaige
in rows an riots, but his enemies got hit
wild brickbats all he same. We saw him
at church on Sunday, settin' good 'zam-
pie for de young, but he'd turn in next
day an try to win de big priza in lottery.
It was about half-an-half wild him. When
we say dat of any man we have hit him
pretty clus. When we hev given the dead
all de praise dey sought to gain when
ivin', no mans mem'ry kin ask fur more.
Torpedo was up to the Average. an he
am dead.''
A rustic bridegroom was complimented
by one of his acquaintance on the charm
ing appearance of his bride. 'tShe has the
most lovely color have ever seen,'' re-
marked the friend. 'Yes. it ought to be
good, " pensively replied the groom; s'she
paid dollar for just little bit Of it in a |
saucer.''
He entered a car, when a brakeman
came inside and took key out of his |
pocket, unlocked the stove. put in some
wood. and locked the door again, and he
asked him what he locked the stove door
for. The brakeman shut his left eye and
said he locked the door SO the Gre couldn't
60 out.
An exchange says ''striped parasols have
taken the place of striped stockings - The
idea of woman holding striped stock
ing over her head to keep off the sun. and
wearing parasols on! Oh, no! We
don't believe the story at all.
"Forgot it was the first; didn't swear
off; got to keep on rs poor. miserable !
drunkard for year more; too bad - |
signs heart-broken man who neglected ;
his chance.
When you see four or five children who
need combing, washing and patching. hold
ing convention on front door step Won |
have come to house where the mother
paints pottery.
A Boston paper defes any living man to
take an old fashioned fail and bit q rat
with it, Aye! We'd like to see anv man
hit anybody but himself with it.
Womankind is like cider-sweet when
first pressed, but growing more vinegar
like after laying around for a few wears.
s'Not lost, but gone before,'' exclaimed
the man when his hat blew off and ran
ahead Of him.