Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-09-03
Hawkeye Editorial Dots.
Blasting powder is the original ella,

Inc man VINO Dlllt the first bass
drum was the inventor of the note OF
hand.
The man who commits suicide before
next December is Il rccreant and IA trait
or to his party.
Yes. jennie, you are all right; whisky
causes the most murders; bnt then
crcluet c.uses the nost lies. And the
worst.
Charles Lamb was not an Ingersoll
man. He once SAID ne thought vol.
taire was very good Jesus Christ-for
the French"
Herbert Spencer is only sixty years
Old. We don't know how nor why, but
somehow or other We always had the
impression that he was about 1877.
Alice Oates has been married in more
languages than any other living woman,
except George Eliot. When you get
right down to queer, free-lland mar
riages. George takes the cake.
1t is estimated that 81, 900 Americans,
who feel compelled to behave them.
selves at home, will go to Europe this
season and have SIS 900 900 worth of
deviltry and one thing and another.
Tie doctors say that jumping the
rope has killed great many little
girls. We have known it to kill some
full grown men. because they couldn t
Jump clear through it-shoulders too
broad.
No census euumerAtor need ever ex-
To fnr
III he has enumerated. The two thou
sand population he counted so careful.
ly would pile up u majority of three
thousand against him.
When man orders an oyster supper,
he doesn't order anything for the oys
ter to eat, but he orders the oyster for
to be eaten. We just mention this in
case any person shouldn't know Just
what to order for an oyster supper.
\ careful newspaper estimates that
more money Is spent in this country
for tobacco than for bread. TRat's Just
II; We always said tobacco WAS too high
the demand Of tho hour is IL loaf of to-
bacco, Same size aud price as loaf of
bread.
We don't wish to alarm the American
people, and we don't want to create "A
panic in commercial circles, but We
would like to say. from q profound
conviction of eternal truth and impera.
tive necessity, that now is the time to
make up clubs"
/" 1t is the breath of tho people" said
Douglas, " that purities the blood of
The nation.' May be SO, may be So;
Douglas KEW more about politics than
We do, but we hope to die if we haven't
met people whose breath would poison
a Peoria mach tub.
George Herbert wrote,
" For all may have
If they dare choose, glorious life or grave"
All right. George; if it's all the same
toyoa, we'll choose the glorious life.
Not any grave on our plato this sum
mer. thank you. It's kind in You to
give Ia fellow his choice, however.
Beer sells for twenty five cents a
glass in Mexico. Oh, jovial Bacchus,
just think what it must cost to elect a
President IN that country. Now We
why they have SO many
revolutions III Mexico. 4 war is cheap
err than legitimate political campaign.
1t is u proud, proud day for a young
nah when his nustache grows long
enough to burn on the cigar he is
He goes to bed and dreams
about it. me triumph OF the day when
he held II white card under it and let
his little brother look at it, is as moth
ing in comparison.
Now, if all these Fourth of July Ora,
tons could be collected and sold, and
the money given to the poor, the poor
would then have-if the orations sold
at full value about twenty seven cents
to buy beer-bread, we mean bread.
Who ever heard of twenty seven cents
worth of beer? Must be crazy.
We have just one word to say to u
class OF Industrious, honest, eminently
respectable and universally popular
class of American citizens: DO you
know that in the winter of 1864 General
Hancock hanged book agent? Now,
then, revenge is yours; every time you
show book, talk for Garfield. Or
hold. no; talk for Hancock.
The Uaukeye demands that among
others, the following questions be asked
to Presidential candidate before he
can expect to have the suffrage of the
people of Iowa:
Who killed Cock Robin?
Where were you when the light wont
out?
Have you heard Pinafore," AMI if
so how MANY
Who made the world, Robert Inger-
soil or Joseph Cook?
What becomes of all the pins
Who was the original Garfield man /?
Do you believe in the first term?
Who was the inventor of seasickpess,
and do you believe in an internation-
al copyright for the protection of the
same?
Dots tame goat out-rank o.eomar-
garine?
Analyze the following sentence. and
parse the first twenty-three words:
" Whittier, oh. children, hast thou as
much cheerfully weepest 50 distance
that evening at sunrise ~
Write in colloquial French, the fol-
lowing exercise: Where is the black
cat of the widowed husband of my
Aunt Maria's son Tom 2" "No, but /
have the red hen of the bald headed
uncle of my notherin-law's fat sister