Smyrna times., 1880-06-23
Uncle Eph Kimble's Mistake.
HE RAISES THE DEUCE TRYING TO LIGHT HIM.
SELF TO BED WITH a ROMAN CANDLE.


was in his usual position in the big buffalo
skin chair listening to the conversation.
| He has great contempt for the "young
| SPORTS" as he terms them, and when one
| of the boys was heard to regret the fact
that things wern't like they were in old
| times, he swoOped down on the crowd like
| a hawk or a chicken.
cole times ~ he contcmptuously ex-
| claimed. cole timesw What d'you
yearlin' calls know bout ole times? |
reckon they's a good sprinklin o. you ez
don't reckomember tn days o taller dips,
even. How many o you fcllers, in these
yer days o gas an kerryscen, ID think ye
| KID set down to yarn by th' glim " a
| burned ole rag stuck inter Il sasser O. hum
made taller-which Il dozen Of EN- scat
| tered bout scven.t'.nine barroom didn't
| make no more light thin u flock O. light
MIN bugs i'll ten acre lot-I'd like t. know?
| Ye cudn't none o ye do that, an We can't
none o yc reckomember tn times when it
had t be did. Yit Pm gummed eff ye don't
| put on ez many airs, ez ef ye'd been chums
| O. ole Nimrod hisself, an he'd top lies bi
tn light o tho pillar o fire that led tn
| Gipshins inter bondidge !"
They amt nothin' in tn broad land
better fur cold on tn chest thin New
1 u
had a wuss cold in forty years tn II I've got
Z day. An boys, speallin o dips, did ye
ever hear how Uncle Eph Kimble got set
way back once b maxim mistake bout a
candl0?"
The Old Settler never likes to get left
when the festive cup is being passed. The
boys knew how to soften him. He took his
rum and niger toe, and settled himself in
his chair with all the bitterness gone from
his soul. The story about Uncle Eph was
called for.
"'Twere long 'nuff ago for them ez was
babies when it happened t be ole 'nuff for
t. vote tn straight Dimmy kratic ticket"
said the old man. 9TH folks up long the
Dyberry thought they'd hev eglar rip
tearn' ole sellybration one Fourth o. July,
with fireworks an all tn modern improve
ments. They got lot o sky.rockets an
Roamin candles an fzz,wheels an the
durndest passel o pcrmiskus waste o good
powder th't tn kummittee KID lay their
hans on ez long ez tn money held out
s'pose tn old Dyberry woods hadn't seed
sch time sence the lnjins usty whoop an
caper round their camp fires.
9TH fireworks went off splendid. |
spose they was powder 'nuf burnt t keep
tn hull o Dyberry in ammunition fur year
|
pootier thin these up on tn Dyberry
} These candles was so handsome like th't
some O. Uncle Eph Kimble's folks KEEP a
couple of 'em an stuck one inter a big
candlestick on each end o. the mantletree
: in the sttin' room fur nornyment.
"Quite a vile artcr tn sellybration
Uncle Eph were down tn river with some
lumber, an he bought barl o Jones 5
Philadelfy ale. When tn bar'l come, he
rolled it inter tn cellar O. his store, and it
soon got noised round that they VAN
never nothin' know'd long tn Dyberry, t
: equal Uncle Eph's ale. One night lot O.
fellers was gathered in Uncle Ephs bar, an
I they was a drinkin' ale pooty durn lively.
Uncle Eph had never drnkel any Of
Jones's ale afore, an he was a doin' suthin'
a leetle unusual fur him an was "a tamperin'
> with tn fowin' bowl quite lively hisself.
Th' durn ale is Internal deceivin' an tn
. fust thing Uncle Eph knowed he were
: sincin songs with tn boys th't none of 'em
7 he'd ever hard afore, an was tellin' warns
; th't made :em all howl. When tn ole man
;, started for hum. az he says hisself, he cudn't
: a told tn moon from IA measure O. oats
:, TIL folks he'd all gone t bed, an the house
were darker n Ejipt.
"'B'gosh t'lmghty! 7 said Eph. Yeknow
a it's ez nat'ral fur him t. say that ez it is ful
}. t. eat. B'gosh t'lmighty tn ole ooman's
r turned in an'-don't ye see Pm turned
a out ~
= "But he got in tn house all right, got
d some matches out'n tn tin box under tn
n kitchen mantletree, an went a totterin
a round on his toe t find a candle. He
n cudn't find none in tn kitchen, so he got
a inter tn stten' room. struck match, an
| nA1 lac
,. with their long wicks q stickin up on each
a end O. the mantle.
}. "'B'gosh t'lmightyp said Uncle Eph
i talkin' to hisself, didn't leave me no kitch
!. en- candle, hey Then don't We see? II
i. light one O. yer parl' ones. I amt goin'
Q bed in no dark, b'gosh tlmightyp
e $50 he takes one o. the Roamin candles
o out'n the candestick.
% "'Seems T. me tn ole 'Ooman's putin
Ie a heap o. taller inter her candles lately
IS don't you see2' said Uncle Eph, recogni2
i. ing tn big size Of the one he had in hi
r. hand.
,e "He tetehes a match tth Roamin candl,
IS an starts fur the bedroom door. He haC
10 jest time T. say, 'B'gosh tlmighty thos'
Is yer new.fangled candles don't give NJ
e more light no an old.fash'n'd taller dip =
n. when be begun T. hear from the fireworks
4, The candle begun t. spit fire. an Uncle Epl
ar begun t. dance an holler. He'd got ez ia
is ez B'gosh t'lmightly = when Ebung 2 wen
I blue ball o. fire, ez big ez coon's head
plum through one o. tn winders. One O
lr Uncle Eph's boys-young Doc, think
ID heard the rumpus. an come q tearin' dow
| stairs without nothin' on but his shirt. Jes
o. as he busted inter tn! room Uncle Eph hat
e. the Roamin candle p'inted lords the door
t. an 'boeml' went n red ball square agii
lp young Docs stomick. doubin' him up lik
q. a ship knee. Uncle Eph's wife went run
sc MIN from her bed to- the setten' room door
so an when she see Eph in the middle "
blaze o. fire, a dancin' 'roun th' room
of holIeran B'gosh talmightyp an duckin
rv an hObbin' his head every time TIL candl
b. swift ball, she knowsd Jest what were ur
lis an she tumbled down an almos' died
m laughin'. When the candle gin out sh
Ie got up an went an struck light. She k
ed hardly see in tn settin' room fur TIL smoke
er an said it smelt like thu Fourth O. July a.
". over agin. She found Uncle Eph settin' i
iy tn middle O. tn floor, lookin' round kin
to O. lost like, ez If he didn't 'zactly kno,
n. whether tn Judgement Day had role
around or he'd ben struck b. lightnin
in Bime by he sort o. got glimmer o. what
W, ben goin' on. He looked up at his wife al
,rs said, ez mild ez if he were askin' of her fu
oil another cup o. coffee at breakfas'.
ol. "Say b. gosh t. 'lmighty, ole 'ooman, di
m. you make them air eandlesp An eff y
~, did, what devil did you go an put ints
is. the tallerT'
IN TLe other day. at Chicago, Mrs. Belv