davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17
HUMOROUS.

Chow time changes" murmured the
pickpocket, a he ad1oitly hooked.
another mans watch.
The difference between q goat aud q
Scotchman is this-the one delights IN
cold oatmeal and the other delights in an
old coat meal.
MARK where he stands,"' as the shoe
maker said to his assistant while taking
the measure of q customers foot.-Bos-.
on Journal of Commerce.
If an untruth is only q day old it is
called a campaign lie; if it is a year old
it is called a falsehood; but ifit Is a cen.
fury old it is called a legend.
Railroad accidents have their use in
the world. They give thousands OF
young husbands an excuse for not taking
their newly-wedded wives on a bridal
tour.
A gentleman at Weatherford, Texas
snapped q revolver at bis dog to let q
lady see that it wasn't loaded. He got
ninety cents for the animals pelt, be-
sides saving the tax on the dog.
A telephone operator. when asked to-
say grace at q dinner the other day, hor-
rifed the party, in a fit of absent-mind-
edness, by bowling his head and shout
ing: "Hello! hello" Force Of habit.
Rev. DR.. Hall said that every blade Of
grass was a sermon. The next day he
was amusing himself by clipping his
lawn when u parishioner said: That's
right, doctor; cut your sermons short"
Most of the crowned heads of Europe
are sick or in feeble health. From this
we infer that patent medicines war
ranted to cure all diseases are not In
general use among royalty. -RiIadekphN
Herald
When spelling is "reformed" she'll write:
"I'm sailing on the oshup,
The sc is hi, no sale in site,
It flz me with emoshun." (
But one "spelI" will not change its name,
For she'll be Sc sic just the saim!
When a Yankee is struck by q thun-
derbolt and knocked endways clear
across a ten.acre lot, the only regret ne
feels upon recovering consciousness Ia.
the disheartening fact that lie can't cap
ture the bolt and exhibit it for money
Morristown Herald.
In a party of ladies, on its being II.
ported that q Captain Silk had arrived
in town, they exclaimed, with one ex.
ception, "Wha o name for q soldier"
"The fttest name in the world for a
captain" rejoined a witty fair one, "foS
silk can never be worsted." !.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17
Grandfather Lickshingle and Esop.

Grandfather Lickshingle came into the
Office of the Petroleum World and sald
If there was anything he could not abide,
il was to see history all balled up, az.
this man had done it." He told the re.
porter to get out his short. hand pencil
and quote him word for word, and ne
would make Esop sick:
THE BOYS AND THE FROGS.
Gas to the fable Nv the boys and the
frogs,n said he, 'these air the facts, for
T wuz present an saw the whole busl-
ness. You see, enc boys who Wuz
plavin' near a pond, say eight or q
dozen frogs in the water. an, boy like,
amused themselves by peltin' them wlsn
stones. After several wuz klIleo, y
of the frogs, a big green teller, hl!e9
his head outen the water and crlea
out:
"Pray stop, my boys; what is sport to
you is death to u.s."
"Now, that's where Esop stopped.
| But that amt where the boys stopped;
Not much, Mary Ann. They laughed
at the frogs remarks, and cried aloud:
BAT him in the mouth! and gathering
I'D each a hancful Of rocks they oatteo
him with great combativeness.
"Moral-Boys will be boys"
THE MAN AND HIS WIG. .
The facts" continued grandfather,
as to the man losin' his wig air as ioi-
lows: h,a
"a certain man who wore q wig q
the misfortune to lose both hat and WIG
in a violent windstorm at a picnic. His
a companions laughed at the great
desert OF Nohara,' so to speak, on top ia
his head-all save one, a female, VINO
wept bitterly. She is his sweetheart.
they said. But, no; she was the hair
dealer who had sold him the wig, an
held it by a mortgage: ,,,.,.
"Moral-She should have held 1t o7a
string"
The value of textile products pro-
duced in the United Kingdom IS VIZ
600, 900. United States S42o,Ohl voo'
France S34O, O00, 900 and Germany S24o'-
100000.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17
Some of the Peculiarities Of Maud >.

Maud S., the champion trotter of the
world, is o lone. bodied mare, standing
fifteen hands two and q half inches high
1T the withers and fully sixteen hands
high at the hips. Her weight, in trot-
ting condition, is $50 pounds, and hel
stride, when going at her best on q
straight track, is about eighteen feet
In her great feat at Chicago, when SHE
trotted q mile in g.. l03, her stride, when
coming down the homestretch against
II high wind, was q little less than seven
teen feet. She wears "shin boots" and
"%scalpers," and carries a i~fteen-ounce
shoe with o four.ounce toe weight in
front, and an e%ight-ounce shoe behind.
She is usually driven in a bride with
out "blinds," but in the trial above al
luded 10 q blind bride was used. The
reason for this change, as given by her
driver, MIR. Bair, is that in her trial Of
September l6, when she trot,ed a mile
in 2.lld, he thought it best to touch her
lightly with the whip when coming
down the homestretch. She saw the
whip lifted for the stroke and Sweryed
from it.. He ther. touched her on the
other side to strengthen her course, and
another swerve, which resulted in a
break, by which she lost q second OF
time, was the consequence. This was
the first time he had ever touched her
with q whip, and he argued that with
"bli lkers" he could do this without
causing her to swerve. The result Of
her last trial proved the correctness
Of his conclusions, and in her trials
hereafter the blinkers will always be
used.
She is q. mare Of very strong will, and
it is necessary to handle her with great
g%entleness. A man who would fight her
would soon render her entirely unman-
agcuble. And in this she is the counter
part of her grandam Enchantress, as
well as of her sire, Harold, and his full
brother, Lakeland Abdallah. The old
mare had the courage and resolution of
the bulldog, and this quality descended
to all of her produce. Harold and Lake.
Lind Abdallah both possess it to q re-
markabie degree, and, fthey had fallen
when young into gentle, careful hands,
~ Maud S. fortunately did, it is certain
that they would both have been distin-
guished as fast trotters. Black Maria, a
daughter Of Enchantress, also possesses
the same popularity of disposition.
Her head is almost m exact fac-simile
CT that of Maud S clearly indicating
that resolution, will and energy, which,
ii carefully handled and educated, is the
most valuable quality a horse can
possess, but which, if abused and per.
vertcd, makes a dangerous instead Of a
useful animal. 1t has long been q SUBJ
jeet of remark among horsemen who
are familiar with the descendants of Old
Abdallah, that in the matter CT endur-
ance and strong will power, they have
no superior even among the most dis.
tinguiShcd thoroughbreds. 1t is no
wonder, therefore, that Harold, whose
sire and dam were by this famous old
horse, should possess this trait, and that
he should have transmitted it to his
daughter, Maud S.-CAicago Live Stood
Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17

Virginia has raised l,4OO,0 600 bushels
Of peanuts this year. Just about
enough TO keep e gate. counting couple
in ammunition for Il month, and nearly
enough to supplya circus for a thousand
years, making the liberal allowance of
six peanuts to a glassful.- Boston 1ron-
script.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17

young man." said a studious parent
to his garrulous son, you have a mis-
sion of mercy to perform" what IS
it, pa, what is itP" 1t IS to keep your
mouth shut."-PsmM TRANSCRIPT.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17
The Outcast.

Inn ~ -.
ostle him out from the warmth and light
Only q vagrant feeble and gray;
Let him reel on through the stormy night
What though his home be miles away!
With q muttered curse on wind aud rain
He crept along through the miry lane.
Lonely the pathway, and dark and eold,
Shelter he sought meath a ruined wall;
Over his senses a numbness stole,
Round him sleep threw her mystic pals
Then an angel came with plying team
And lifted the veil OF bygone years.
Gayly he sports by O ripping brook;
Soft is the breath OF the summer air,
Flowers adorn each messy nook,
Sunshine aud happiness everywhere.
He is Willie now, just four years old,
With bis rosebud lips and curls OF gold.
Hark to the roll Of the warlike drum!
See the brave soldiers go marching BY
Home from the battle young Will has come,
Courage and joy in his sparkling eye.
And his pulses thrill with hope and pride,
For he soon will greet his promised bride.
Now in the freside's Pickering glow
Calmly he's taking his evening rest;
Fondly he kisses his infants brow,
Sleeping secure on its mothers breast
(And the dreamer stirred and family
smiled): ~
He is William now with wife and child.
.
Tho curtain dropped the morning broke
Faint was the flush in the eastern sky;
Moaning and wretched the sleeper woke,
Brushing a tear from his bloodshot eye.
To his squalid home beyond the hill.
With q saddened heart oreptpoor old Bill. e
st. Nicholas.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17

Il an satisfied with my lot,' said :.
,cai estate owner who he'll! Il piece ci
CITY ground worth s., 900 a foot.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17

way of experiment, and he showed me
several specimens. / copied the order,
and on returning TO the Travistock
hotel, | found it amounted to upward Of
4S00
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17
FOR THE FAIR SEX.
News and Notes for Women.


London Truth holds that the frs
duty Of woman is to make herself nice
looking.
A New York bride went to the altar
in blue satin and pearls, and was at
tended by bridesmaids in short white
gowns.
Any county fair in America will call
together q dozen women whose good
looks would make Mrs. Langtry sick
abed for a week.
The girls at St. Xavier's school, Louis
vile. instigatcd a rebellion against the
nuns in charge and the police were called
in to put it down.
In Dodge county, Ga., a Mrs. Wright
has made twenty yards of silk, having
herself nursed the trees, attended to the
worms and woven the silk into cloth.
The price of a wife in Siberia is eight
dogs, and m exceptionally good wife is
worth ten dogs. But dogs are plentiful
in that country, and a wife doesn't cost
as much as o number of dogs would
indicate.
Melohiah, a Choctaw princess, died at
Hoyt City, in the Indian Territory, the
other day at the great age of ia years.
She had thirteen great-great-grandchil-
dren. She had been addicted to the
inoriinate use of tobacco for los years.
When a woman has worked for two
hours to sweep q room and then, having
collected the dirt and lint and little
scraps Of paper into the dustpan, goes to
the window, opens it and throws the
dirt from the pan, just as a lively little
gust of wind comes along and sends it
back all over the room again, does size
get madp We'll. rather!-Boston Post.
The trial of Homer Merry on a charge
of theft at Berdanville, Mo-, resulted in
an acquittal Though the testimony OF his
wife. After his discharge, however, she
parted from him. saying that she had
sworn falsely to save him from prison,
but that she would not live with q thief.
Oh Ioo t>ooo soI;otoJ fnp ~or.,,rr
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-11-17

49, - Nt|k P"SthSoS ~
for feeding to stock, he thinks they have
no equal in England, and he proposes
that the government shall take in hand
the importation of seed from Mexico or
Peru as a preventive Of the blight
Massachusetts Roughman.
Take Care of tho Farm Tools.
Farm tools will rust out sooner than
they will yea out. Many farmers in
ure their farm implements more by ex-
po.ure to the weather than by the use
on the farm. An implement which with
good care would last twenty years. will,
when exposed to the weather, become
useless in five years or even less. A
farm cart, which with good usage, would
last almost a lifetime, will last only q
few years, when exposed to the weather.
The explanation of the reason why
farming does not pay with money is
found in this neglect to take care of the
farm tools. All farm implements arc
costly, and the farmer who has to buy
three or four times rs many us his neigh
bor because he does not take care Of
them, of course will not lind much profit
in farming. The same carelessness in
any other kind of business, would in.
sure eQually aS ulstsIrou5 ICsuilS.
Keep Sheep.
At least q few sheep should be kept on
every farm. No kind Of stock is moro
profitable. In starting q flock, & few
superior animals should be chosen in
stead of double the number OF inferior
ones. The increased value OF n flock
range from good sheep, will greatly ex-
coed the increased cost OF q few good
ones 10 ...,rt with, over what inferior
ones would have cost. Start with good
sheep and keep them good or make them
better. by generous keeping. If one in
tends to half starve his sheep he might
Il well begin with half: starved ones, as
they would be more likely TO "hold
their own than those used to letter
keeping. Strengthening, however, is
not profitable when the starving process
is adopted, and we would not recon-
The Arizona sentinel., 1880-06-12

Achoice assortment of Books, Stationery Musical Instruments and Fancy Articles.
 All the most popular Newspapers, Mag azines and Latest Novels on hand as soon as issued.
The Arizona sentinel., 1880-06-12
DR. SPEa1 xEY & co.
 No. IL KearRy street, TREAT ALL CHRONIC AND SPECIAL \ diseases.
 VOTING MEN

Who nay De suffering from the eFsSt, of youthful fOlies or indiscretion will dc we'll to avail themselves of this, the greates boon eyer laid at the feet of suffering .hu- naanity. Dr. Spinney will guarantee, to forfeit five hundred dollars for every case of weakness, or private disease Of any kind or character, which he undertakes and fails to cure.
 MIDDL LE-AGED MEN.
 There are many at the age cf4thirty sixty who are troubled with too, frequent evacuation of the bladder, often aceompan jed by a slight smarting or burnlng sensa- tion, and d weakening of the system in maRner the patient cannot accocatfOr. Or examining the urlna-y deposits a-ropy sed iment will often be found, and sometimes small particles of albumen will appear, cI the color will be of a thin milaish hue. again changing to dark and torpid ap pearance. There are many men who die of this difficulty ignorant. of the cause. which is the second stage of seminal weak ness. Dr. $. will guarantee perfect cure ill all such cases, and a healthy restoration of the genitO-urinarv organs.
 Office hOurs-10 to f and oS; SuDdays from 10 to II q. m. Consultation free Thorough examination and advice, s.
 Callor address DIR. SPINNEY {S CO, l36-tf No. Il KearnY street, San Francisc-
 P. $.
 For private diseases, Of short stand ins, full course of medicines sufficient for cure, with all necessary instructions, will be sent to any address on receipt of ten dollars.
The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1880-02-28
Fruit Growers IEaximIS,

/ l. Where fruit trees are to be plan.
! ted pillow the land beforehand, harrow
/ it well, and enrich with manure.
.. Plant either spring OF fail. If i'm
the fail, after the leaves fall, in spring
before they appear.
Select few varieties, and such as
are known to be large bearers in
neighbOring orchards. -
4. Ifthere is a good nursery near by
60 there-SOuth rather than North.
). Go yourself, select healthy trees
take none bit those with am abunS
dance of fibrOus roots. Keep the roots
from getting dry; take home and
plant.
6. Trim the branches to correspond
to the shortened IOots, set the trees
the exact depth they stood in the
nursery row, spreading out the roots
evenly, and pressing mellow earth
hrmly about them. Stake each tree.
Z. Make diagram of the orchard
and file away for reference.
5. Keep the trees worked around for
six or eight years, keep out the borers.
Keep the trees trimmed in good shane
fertilize every year OF two.
g. When the trees come into hearing
get the orchard in with grass: turn m
the hogs to eat the wormy fruit and
root up the soil. If a tree dies or get
sick, plant another in its place.
The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1880-02-28
---&1<-------
Farming in Flanders.

The fact that the Flemish farming
derives such abundant returns from
soil naturally poor, is due to the
following reasons the perfection of
the work Of cultivation, whether per-
formed by the pillow or the spade :; the
perfection of shape given to each field,
whereby cultivation and drainage are
facilitated; the most careful husband
ing of all manures; the great variety
of crops grown, especially of industrial
plants which yield large returns and
admit oflarge expectation to distant
countries the abundance of food for
cattle ! the house feeding of cattle, by
which cows give both more milk and
more manure; and the system of
minute wedding or the most careful
and thoroughly clean culture. The
capital in use in farming operations in
Flanders, amounts to $120 per acre.
dt is safe to say that the employment
of just the above rules would insure
high and paying farming in New
England, as well as in Belgium.
If the people Of the South would
adopt more of the Flemish system of
they would be rewarded for
their labors. Instead of spending $40
per acre for farming operations, most
Southern farmers don't spend ten. 1t
is not the largest acreage cultivated
that brings in the largest returns,
but it is those farms which are best cul-
5ivated and MANFRED.
All experience shows this to be the
act, and till orr farmers adopt
different system of culture, they can't
xpect to make great progress in cul-
waiting the soil.
The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1880-02-28
A Couple of Ancients.

Col. Horn of the Meridian Mercury,
claimed not long since to be the Nest0r
of the Mississippi press, but when the
veteran Norment, of Stark vile, saw the
assertion of the ancient Meridian man
and went it twenty years. better, the
latter quietly subsidized and prepared
at once to go into winter quarters.
From Col. Moments statement we
would take him to be about four
hundred years old, more or less. He
has started in his time, eighteen papers,
and we are Pleased to remark that he
has survived them all. He possesses
all the vigor of eternal Youth and all
the contortions of the sybiI when in
the anguish of delivery, without her
peculiar inspiration. He is a good
Democrat, one who has ever been
true, and that we take it is the cause
of his extraordinary longevity. For
tune equally favors a man like that. |
Col. Horn is not as old as the real |
nestor- nobody is: but he is nOtwith- /
standing a very ancient journalist. |
Both Of these veterans began to in
struct the people through their re-
speetive papers very soon after the
Ark rested on Mount Ararat after the
of the NoacheaD deluge, if
we may judge Of their ages 10y the
which each furnishes
IF himself, touching his goings-out
and cOmings-in, since a quill-driver
he has been. May their days Yet be
ong in the land, and may neither of {
hem ever want for subscribers, or a
good square meal at morn, noon and
night. We. hope we have settled
brewer the issue between these famous
Inights of the pen, paste and scissors.
which threatened at one time the :
most serious consequences. Gore is c
low no longer on the moon, and for IL /
he writer deserves the thanks of ali
uture peace congresses. - Yazoo r
Herald.
The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1880-02-28
Peach Culture.

The following points in peach cul-
ture are from ?. M. Augur, State Po-
mologist of Connecticut Plant trees
one year old, no older and no less, from
the bud. From our experience we
would never plant trees more than one
year from the bud, and we would not
usually plant June budded trees.
There are plausible reasons for June
against them. Our experience would
say no. Looking, then, well to the
antecedents without regard to slight
difference in cost, get good, well-bred,
healthy trees, not eight to nine feet,
oyergroWn, but the size we prefer
four to six feet, well ripened, evenly
balanced, stocky trees, with good
roots, carefully dug and with as much
as possible all the lower roots. Now
plant these as carefully as you would
do amy nice job, putting no manure in
the holes. Let the trees head three
and-a-half to four feet from the ground.
We prefer three-and-a-half, because
the tree heading low stands more Sc
cure, the fruit is not so easily LlOwn
off, is more easily picked, and by all
means advisable. Trees may be plant
ed III rectangular rows, one rod apart |
each way, or you may plant in quin-
cunX order, setting rows ten feet apart /
and letting the trees alternate with
spaces, the trees twenty feet apart in
the rows. This will leave each
tree about fourteen feet from any
other tree, and each tree will oc-
;upy about two hundred square feet.
This is about as little as you
AN give, and if the most fruit is
sought in the first six years this
plan would probably be the best. If
you can feel reasonably sure your Or
;hard would stand twelve years the
5rees might be planted eighteen by
feet, in rectangular rows,
II in quincuX order, rows twelve feet
part, trees twenty-four feet apart in
oWs, the trees alternating with t
PAGES. This would give each tree IA
Istace of about seventeen feet from
ny other tree. Let the culture be L
lretul, constant and shallow, never d
lowing grain crop in a peach or @
hard, except, perhaps, buckwheat. =
S rule plant only corn. Manure
ghtly at first, and as the trees come
ito bearing see that the soil does not
ct exhausted. When the trees come
ito bearing take nothing from your h
nd but peaches -
The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1880-02-28

There is not doubt but sheep hus.
bandry is on the eve of a great revi-
val in this country. The rapid advance
in all kinds of wooden goods and the
increasing demand for item are sure
signs of this. A correspondent of the
Country Gentleman viewing the mat
ter from the same standpoint says:
1t is probable that for number of
years TO come, more attention will be
paid to sheep-growing than has been
recently. Even in the years of hard
times, sheep, in localities adapted to
them, have probably paid as we'll as
anything else. But from one cause
and another, the country has been
getting out of sheep; wool went down
so low that fattening and killing sheep
for their carcasses had paid better than
keeping. The result is that-take the
country through - the number of
sheep has increased little since 1869;
has perhaps, even decreased in that
time. Now the markets are nearly bare
of wool; the manufactures are in full
blast to supply the demand for wooden
goods, and we are beginning to find out
that sheep are scarce. Eastern farm
ers have been frightened out of sheep
growing by competition in Texas, the
Northwest, and Australia. At present
prices of wool and sheep, we can grow
hem in Western New York. 1t is |
that the extreme ly low prices
If the last few years have been as in
urious to our competitors as to our
selves. If it proves to be so, we have
nothing to fear unless they so rapidly
improve their stock and methods of
leeping as to compete with us on
qual terms.