Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-06-09
FUNNYGRAPHS.

? And how recall the surprise of the master
When Bill gave yell and sprang I'D with the min
So high that his bullet head busted the plaster
Above. and the scholars all set I'D grin
Ihat actlve boy, Billy, that high-leaping Billy
That loud-shouting Billy that sat on a pin /
american Queen.
CHIMNEYSWEEPS are out In spring scots.
Cincinnati Commercial.
CAN any one improve his condition by
whining? If not, whine not.
| MANY of the new summer books in
press VIII be bound in muslin.-NeaD
Orleans Pica!yatae.
1T is believed that the word "never"
has been crippled for life.--Doaabury
NeaUs.
The sailor whose grog allowance was
cut off said it was dry ck.-Bostom
Transcript.
GREAT liars in Scotland. The first
river you come to they will tell you is the
Forth.-BOston Transcript.
Sparkling across a garden fence adj
m1ts OF good deal being said on both
s1des.-Csnciae,aati Saturday Night.
LAST words of Courtney: I came, I
sawed, [ was conquered.-Azbaaa Jour-
nal.
CLERGYMAN: Of course, croquet is a
gambling game. Don't you know you
can't play it without putting up stakes.
The sherry cobbler drjnker is drown
ing man, if one may judge by the way
he catches at straws.-N. O. Pic0yu,ae.
A MILKMAN at ball, wearing pair of
pumps, is too much for the good nature
of society.
The evil that men do lives after them.
Cows likewise do not give oleomargarine
until they are dead.
IRIS wise man that can recognize a
circus from the description gwen on the
advertising boards oil city Derrick.
THE compositor who set up &c 81 ZOO.
instead of $4,000, might have prevent
ed his mistake by little fourth ought.
''THE papers talk about civil engi-
neers,' said old Mrs. Briggs. s'I won
der why there amt no civil conductors
ToBAoooNIsTs say it is injurious to
smoke cigar more than half it's length.
1t is very injurious-to the cigar trade.
The spots on the sun do not begin to
create the disturbance produced by the
freckles on the daugh ter.- Yonkers
Statesman.
WHAT Is the uniform condition of
the superior planets?" Mr. O.-s@They
are always full. "-N0ss0u LITERARY
Magazine.
The so-called busy bee is mostly used
for fables and proverbs, but it takes an
enthusiastic hornet to adorn moral and
point tail.
WHEN some politicians are weighed,
they are found wanting every Office IN
which there Is a vacancy. Cincinnati
Commercial.
ONLY one man in seventeen can step on
a barrel hoop and not swear. He is hit
on the back of the head by the hoop and
Knocked senseless.
THERE is one reason at least why type
setting machines ought to become very
popular with editors. They cannot yell
for copy.-Ronae Sentinel.
All Foo Woo is a Boston Chinaman
His name sounds like the shivering of
woman when she gets out of bed on a
winter morning and steps her feet on
the oll-cloth. Courier.
'SWHAT is the matter with your eyes %
asked Smith when he met Jones on
recent windy day. "Eyes? I have
none. Don't you see the wind has made
them water?'' was the reply.
WHEN you see man take off his hat
to you 1t Is sign that he respects you.
But when you see him divesting himself
Of his coat you can make up your mind
that he intends you shall respect him.
YoaaEers Statesman.
AN undertaken in Victor, N. Y, has
eloped with a married woman 'Good
gracious Couldn't he wait until she
was dead?'' inquired the husband with
considerable surprise. -Ezna5r0 Free
Press.
THEY buried Professor Dascomb of
Oberlin with torpedo at his side, but
the fact that no medical students have
come down In adjacent counties would
indicate that the gentleman's rest has
not been distUrbed.--Chic0go Tribune
ssLADIEs and gentlemen, said an Irish
manager to his audience of three, ssas
there is nobody here, I'll dismiss you all.
The performance of this night Will not
be performed, but viii be repeated to-
morrow evo1dng.
A CLERK in Broadway store recently
asked for half a days absence, because
he wanted to attend funeral in the
country. When he returned the next
morning with red hands and freckled face
his employer asked: "Where are the
fish ?"-Herold
A BARGAIN. (Scene, country inn. y
Tourist: ''Confound it, woman There's
a chick in this egg!" Landlady: "Wen,
you are lucky one In a few weeks /
could have had half crown for that
tow, and ere you get it for twopence %
(And still he was not satisfied )--Funaay
| Folks.
| 4 POLITE scoundrel is brought UP be-
| fore the police court Just as the pre-
siding magistrate is about to begin his
questioning, the prisoner says, affably,
to the policeman: HWears his years
wei, the Judge does. Doesn't look day
older than he did when we Were intro
duced to each other, ten years ago."
"SEMPER PARATA.'' The Doctors
Daughter" Janet, are you never going
to leave off that unbecoming old bon
! net 2" AGED Villarer ssWeIl Miss