Morning journal and courier., 1880-04-17
NEw COMETS.
A man who has red hair,

And has reG-haired son, Hair-red-it heir-y gifts must share; -Norristown Herald. Should man be blamed for profanity when his boots swear out ?
 Few persons can handle hot chimney and say there is no place like home at the same time.
 s'Speak 10 me only with thine ice" will be a popular song this summer.-New York Ex- press.
 The key to every man Is his thought but there are great many keyless men in the world.-Boston Globe.
 The Philadelphia News thinks it strange that the man who first invented sleep did not extend inc invention to babies
 ''On bended knees; or, the missing collar button" the Hackenseck Republican thinks would be taking titl8 for work on profane history
 ''Thero will be no services this spring in this house. announced Sunday school su- perintendent at Nit Vernon, Ohio, until the fish quit biting"
 Two lovers in Cairo agreed to commit sui eide on c certain night, The next day she walked down street to hear news from him and met him walking up straet to hear news from her. Both got mad, spat at each other, and went home to some one else.
 Twenty ladies ''chipped in'' and bought some lottery tickets. One of them told her minister, and he was shocked. "My dear madam he exclaimed ''do you not know that is gainbling?" She rattled right along as if she hadn't heard him: ''Yes, we arc going to draw the $S0, 900 prize, and if we do--then we all agreed to give you $5, 900 of it for the church organ" "An excel lent idea, my dear madam excellent, and I devoutiy trust you may win it.
 Senator Hamstrung of the Limekiln Club arose to 6 question of privilege. He said he had been called 3 liar by Cod Liver Scott, another local member, and wanted nav by law to the effect that any member calling another liar should be fined one dollar for the first fifty times, and fifty cents for each subsequent repetition. ''Spose dat de man who calls you liar offers to come befo' de club an prove it ?' qaeried the president ''But he can't prove it, sah.' ''Why not ?" ''Kase he can't, sah. Does de president of dis club believe dat I would lie ?' ''De pres idcnt only decides sich quashuns when de vote am 8 tie," was the evasive answer. "Gsn'len, dwell in peace. Spoke gently to each oder. You may hev de house full of dollar-Gtcre jewelry an silver-handled forks. but if harmony am not wid you your clothes wont fit an your bacon won't relish. Let us now recherche to our es."-Detroit Free Press.
 The weather-beaten prophet MT. Vennor, the Cana
 dian,
 Has pade aceu 70 hontrea ana sougnS the "1ios Ar
 cadau;
 He's studying his Chemistry, and Physical Geog-
 raphy,
 Reviewing his Philosophy, and crammins in Topog-
 raphy;
 He's polished up the index of his aneroid barometer, And rearranged the figures on his Fahrenheit ther-
 mometer;
 He cuIGvates acquaintance with the members Of the
 Zodiac,
 Bsssechng early notice Of the elements' symposiao MsnpuIates the long bow of the centaur Ssgtarius, And gathers information from the spoutiag old Aqua
 rius,
 He hopes, when he emerges. to exhibit his ability In atmosph eric changes with infalIble facility, Reducing to sy stem the phenomenal duplicty Of Colorado bhzzards and polaric electricity. And if he prove successful, rest assured that MT.
 Vennor'n
 Be crowned tho weather prophet, in particular and
 general.
 Utica Observer,