Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1880-11-11
NO. 46.
in A NUT SHELL

| lIlS-an-IlllS ls Il NnlneSe DelIe.
y strapping fellow-The barber
The latest thing in hose-The feet
Song of the tOp-Hum again.
Men of sound principles-Musicians
Lottery investors always look out for
the number won.
Billiards was originally played on the
ground.
Boys under 16 caught smoking in
COblentz are arrested.
1t is beauty's privilege to kill time,
and times privilege to Kill beauty.
An old negro woman was found dead
in Atlanta, Ga, with foot in the fire
and pipe in her mouth.
A Boston paper denies that IA door
step can be aristocratic. Then how can
room look dignifed?
A prisoner when asked what trade he
wanted to learn said: 'If there is no
objection L would like to be sailor"
| A boy "out at the elbows" was asked
the cause, andreplied: II laughed in my
sleeves till burst them
The latest census of Japan shows the
population to be 81, 33S, 4O4, which is a
steady ard large increase since 1875.
Professor. "What are the constitu-
ents of quartz?" Student 'Pints.
Not smile from the class.
New York people supposed to be
ordinarily sharp, yet they are being
continually taken in by French flats.
\ French writer says there was once
in the environs OF Rouen miller's
daughter SO pretty and so cruel that
the sighs of her lovers alone served to
turn the sails of her fathers mill.
A man in Plymouth, England, lately
died in a fit caused by the excitement
into which he worked himself because
the servant girl didn't answer the bell
promptly
John Silk, of Boston, assaulted lame
man, supposing that there would be no
resistance; but he received probably
fatal blow on the head from the Grip
pies crutch.
The Chinese at home never "go visit
ing" When one wants to see his rea-
tlves he journeys to their abode, puts
up at a hotel, and sends for them to
come over and shake hands.
"We had short-cake for tea" said a
little girl to Il neighbor's boy, to whom
she was talking through the fence.
$50 did we," he answered; every short
so very short it didn't go round"
zone half of the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" exclaimed
gossiping woman. "Oh, WELL" said her
neighbor, "don't worry about it, 'tisn't
your fault if they don't know"
An old bachelor at a wedding
feast had the heartlessness to offer the
following toast: Marriage gate
through which the happy lover leaves
his enchanted regions and returns to
earth.
Young and pretty American girl in
Paris-"What in the world are you
doing here" ''Im spending my honey
"But where's your husband p
"Oh, he's in New York. ."-Paris FIGARO.
A Boston young man married
against the wishes of his parents, and
in telling friend how to break the
news to them, said:-"Tell them first
that I'm dead, and gently work up the
climax"
Dearest" he murmured estatically,
he infOlded her in his arm for the first
time, ''let me sample the nectar
your lips" Take Il whole schooner
of it, " she family whispered, cts all ON
tap"
May Heaven preserve your eye
sight!' said beggar-wOman to a man
with a small nose who had Just given
her a gratuity. "Why?" he asked.
Because" said she, you've no nose to
hold your spectacles."
A Harwington( Conn. young man had
MS coat damaged 81. 80 worth by sitting
Down in a newly vanished chair, while
calling on his girl the other evening,
md the young lady generously offered
% pay the bill
An Augusta dentist has invented an
ingenious and useful little
work. 1t is hardly larger than a dollar
)ut when the water is turned on will
1--WE a drill or other dental instruments
800 revolutions minute.
1t is a lamentable fact that piece
If pasteboard with a verse on it, given
IS a reward Of merit in Sabbath
school, has not half the charm for
10Y as the same size piece of paste
'oard with the talismanic words,
Admit e"-BOston Globe.
A Pittsburg alderman, being dunned
y newsboy for thirty-five cent bill,
nade him swear that the bill was cor
ect and charged him fifty cents for ad-
the oath. This experience
nay save the newsbOy thousands Of dol
srs when he grows up.
A peasant woman working in a field
ear Michalkoy, Galicia, dug up a
rown and other objects, al of gold.
-rchaolOgists believe them to have be-
,nged to the the treasures of Cyrus,
/. 0 died during the campaign against
le Massagates 529 years B. c. The
eight of the objects give them an in.
insic value of $4,000.
A clothier has excited public curios-
y by having large apple painted on
is sign. When asked for an explana-
on, he replies: Gift hadn't been for
n apple, where would the ready-made
othing store be to day."
"Do you love her stilll'' asked the
ldge of a man who wanted divorce.
Certainly do" said he; II love her
etter still than any other way, but the
ouble is she will never be still"
ldge, who is a married man him
kes the case under advisement.
A L. l..