The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-08-26
PASSING SMILES.

CABINET-MAKERs in Illinois are kept
busy making furniture once owned and
used by Abraham Lincoln.
The jewel of servant girl is the one
who hangs all her mistress embroidered
underwear on that portion of the line
which is most conspicuous to the neigh
bors' eyes.
AUGUSTUS DABBLE (artisD Don't
you think it is about time exhibited
something?" Severe critic (examining
Dabble's latest production )-"Yes, ht-
tie talent, for instance
MAN may object to wearing button
hole bouquets, but it's astonishing with
what fortitude he goes through the or
deal of having one pinned on, If the
donner happens to be young and pretty.
WHEN a Cheyenne young man wants
to amuse the girls at picnic, he eI-
hibts his skill in eXpectorating at mark
eight feet away, and if he hits it four
times out Of five they think he's dread
full cute"
"OUR time Is indeed brief" said
Thompson, "but before we go out OF
office I'll get United States ship up the
Wabash River, or burst that Internal
river to everlasting smash in the at
tempt Punch.
WHEN they can't make an Albany baby
quit crying, in any other way, they let
him crawl under a bed and make him
believe they think he's lost, and are look
ing for him, and he will keep quiet for
two hours.
SOME people are affected differently by
different efforts from what other people
who are not affected similarly by an
agency that is like unto the same kind
of an agent bearing proportion TO the
first cause. - Cincinnati Gazette. Liar!--
Pecks Sm.
A TENNESSEE suitor wrote to his sweet
heart as follows: "Your father kicked
me last night, and forbade methe house.
If | whipped him would it lessen your
love for me?" She replied that it would
not, and the parent was soundly
thrashed.
A YOUNG lady, not accustomed to
waltzing, at the earnest solicitation OF o
friend made the attempt in this city re-
Gently. When the music ceased another
friend approached and said, gayly:
"Well, 1 see you got through all right"
"Yes," was the reply, "but it was
tight squeeze. "
One Scotchman, afflicted with very
bad cough, meeting another Scotchman,
profanely remarked to him that "this -
cough would certainly carry him off some
day like rocket" "Aye, aye" OBJ
served No. 2; ''its my opinion, however,
if You dinna mend your manners, yell
tax contrary direction!"
SARAH BERNHARDT is said to be Of .
revengeful disposition, and, as she is
about to visit this country, we want il
distinctly understood that we never said
she WAS thirty-six. We don't believe she
is over eighteen, andshe certainly doesn't
| look rs if she was just sixteen. This last
statement we will make affidavit to.
-ROStOn Post.
An AWFUL CRAMMER Proprietor OF
boarding house (taking stout gent aside,
You'll excuse me, Mr. Sharpset, but
Your appetite is so large that shall be
compelled to charge you shilling extra.
1t can't be done at two shillings!" Diner
mo! For heavens sake don't do that!
can eat two shillings' worth easy; but
if have to do three-l really-'afraid l
SHOULDN'T I'll try!"-London Punch.
A CERTAIN young Boston bachelor,
wealthy but modest, was taking his bath
one morning when his telephone called
him. He sprang from the tub and was
Mortified to hear that lady, wife Of q
distinguished New York Democratic
banker, was at the other end Of the wire,
a mile away. 1t would never do for him
to carry OH q conversation with lady in
his present condition. Excuse me. A
thousand pardons" he cried, aghast.
He donned his pressing gown and then
repaired to the telephone and conversed
without fear of molestation.
"WELL, my man." said philanthro-
pist to hardened-looking chap confined
in the New Orleans parish prison, "what
are you in for?" "In for thirty days, I
reckon" said heprisoner sullenly. "NO,
not that. What offense did you commit"
''Didn't commit anything. The Judge
committed me-" "Well, you must have
been accused Of some crime?" "Oh, yes;
was accused Of trying to get on the
police" Nonsense. Trying to get on
the police is no crime. l have myself
recommended many worthy men for po-
sitions on the police force, and have
helped to get them on" ut is fact.
That is all was sent here for. You see,
there were two of us, and we both tried
to get on the same policeman. We had
him down, but some Of the other peelers
.hought we were crowding the man too
hard, and" "That will do sill" said
the philanthropist, II understand your
case perfectly. Here are few tracts
Tor the improvement Of your mind,
which Just now appears to be . little