Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-12-15
FUNNYGRAPHS.
A TALL story-the attic.

OIop IoI 1oOI naS not yet Deen damaged
by frost.
NATUR l1vs plum; if she doesn't she
never would have made munky.-.TOsh
Billings.
Now THAT the election is over. the
American voter is turning his attention
to his liver. -Donbury Meas.
The telegraph tells us "the Kurds
have fallen back" which, perhaps. indi-
Gates that the whey is clear.
81 All tired" says a poetess, 'of the
seasons that come and CO." Does she
expect to get kind of season that
stands still ?-Elna5ro Free Press.
MANY persons have singular shame
of their trades. As for instance: Atthe
police station-s'Your profession %
"Alimentary artistic. !" ''That is to say ?''
"Cook."
STREET row: First Gamin-ssI'u fill
yer mouth with gravel" Second Gamin
-"Yer'l have a big job dom it." First
Gamin-"Oh, I'll get steam shovel
Boston Post.
"YoU can't wear that coat out, said
a tailor to customer "Certainly
not, was the reply. Sc would not be
seen on the street IN such a COMPOUNDED
ugly rig. '-Boston Courier.
THERE was a young rustic named
Mallory, who drew but very small sal
airy. When he went to a show, his
purse made him go to seat in the up
permost gallery.-Pitts6arg Telegraph.
A SMALL child, being asked by Sun
day school teacher, "What did the
Israelites do after they crossed the Red
Sea ?" answered, Il don't know, ma am.
but [ guess they dried themselves.
SHE" Mr.. Slow, are those two men
that have just passed brothers 2" He
"I-aw-know that one of them is; but
Im-aw-not quite sure of the other.
Columbia Spectator.
GA KISS" said young Charles, 90 is a
noun, we allow; but tell me, my dear, is
it proper or common % Lovely Mary
blushed deep, and exclaimed, 'sWhy. I
VOW, / think that kiss is both proper
and common"
A GIRL in Dublin struck her croquet
partner on the head with mailet; brain
fever set IN, and the young man nearly
died. The girl was kept under arrest
until his recovery, and then she married
him, and now he's sorry he didn't die.
AFTER the stage-manager had exhaust
ed his patience and fifteen minutes time
in endeavoring to teach couple of supes
to repeat few lines, he broke out with:
SIT is Of no use; you fellows are like the
Slamese tw1ns,-you can never get a
part. !"
A NOTED sharper, wishing to ingratiate
himself with clergyman, said: 'Par-
son, should like to hear you preach
more than I can tell YOU" "Well," re-
sponded the clergyman, sc if you had been
where you ought to have been last Sun
day you would have heard me-" ''Where
was that?'' ''In the county Jail.
The Galveston boyis progressive. He
was standing in crowd of boys on the
sidewalk, when his mother called him to
go down town and bring her demijohn
of whisky. The boy was too busy togo,
but he called out: ..Send the old man;
I've got considerable confidence in him.
Charleston NeaUs.
A LITTLE AFFAIR OF THE HEART
She: care not you going to battle this
morning?' He: "No; [ dare not. %
She: "Why?" He: "My heart is af-
fected." She: Chow dreadful! But is
there no cure?'' He (seizing the long
sought chance): eyes; say you will be
mine and I'll go and have battle, this
very instant (She does. )-Judy.
THREE little boys, on Sabbath day,
were stopped on the street by an elderly
gentleman, who, perceiving that they
had bats and balls with them, asked one
of the number this question: "Boy,
can you tell me where all naughty boys
go to who play ball on Sunday?" "Over
back of Johnson's DAM" the youngster
replied
WHEN Col. Tom Scott and his party
were here in Galveston they were stand
ing on the pavement in front of the cot
ton exchange, when gentleman on the
opposite side of the street asked friend
who they WERE The friend didn't know,
but, one of the party having a white
cravat, he jumped at a rash conclusion,
saying: "They are preachers. I can
tell by the cut of their jibs. " What
are they doing here?'' go, they meet
regularly every year to swap sermons.
Galveston NcaOs.
The prosecuting witness in one OF the
cases before the Galveston recorder yes
IcIudy, ustu d IuIuP OfOI hIS OJO oN DiS
as an egg plant, which was caused by
Jim Webster throwing lump of coal at
him without the slightest provocation.
81 don't see as there is a single mitigat
ing circumstance said the recorder.
"Why, Jedge, you has Overlooked one
of the mitigatinest circumstances IN the
world. I only hit wild a lump of soft
coal Don't yer call dat mitagatin,
when I could hab fetched him jest as
easy wild lump of hard coal ?"-G alues-
ton Meas.
"JoHN, take this slate, you rascal, and
work out this sum. If a cat falls into
well sixty feet deep, and crawls out six
feet each day, falling back eight feet
every night, how much time would the
cat require to get out of the well %
John set to ciphering, and covered both
sides of the slate with figures; then plac-
ing one edge of his slate on his knees,