Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1880-03-03
DRIFT.

| hAoH 10 Nsi@Ip -peseSa'
There is something high toned
about church bellies.
There were sounds of revelrv by
night 1t was the cat.
What kind of wood comes nearest
to making fire ? Fir.
Walking matches ought to be pro-
hibited during leap year.
The baggage-man is not usually
regarded as chest protector.
Sensible men with gray heads are
like kind words-they never dye.
"A Utah paragraph speaks of a
man who narrowly escaped being
cartridgized."
Don't play the devil when you're
young lest you have to work for him
when you are old.
There are too few men following
the plow in this country, and too many
following TIE women.
There is no place like Chicago"
says journal of that city. That's so,
and lucky thing it is.
AN editor says that he never dot
ted an but once, and that was in
fight with contemporary.
A watch is modest little piece
of mechanism, or why would it always
keep its hands before its face?
Illinois churches hold "tramp So
CABLES" in which the rivalry is to see
ha ha 1a4h
The beauty of mans parting his
hair in the middle appears to be that it
gives both ears an equal chance to flap.
Don't Judge man by his family
connections, for Cain belonged TO
very good family-the best there was.
The man who accidentally sat
down in some warm glue thinks there
are more ways than one of getting
stuck.
A little. girl being asked on the
first day of school, how she liked her
teacher, replied: 81 don't like her she
is just as saucy to me as my mother"
The little State of Rhode Island
wants to stop bribery at elections
The astonishing statement is made
that 1925, 900 was paid for three Offices.
Bob Ingersoll, in his sarcastic
way, says he has noticed that people
who have the smallest souls make the
greatest fuss about getting them saved.
-"You promised to pay that bill
yesterday" said an angry creditor to
debtor. ''Yes," calmly replied the
other, '4but to err is human, to forget
is divine, and l forgot it."
"A little boy refusing to take pill,
his mother placed it in piece of pre-
served pear, and gave it to him. In
few minutes she said, Tommy, have
you eaten the pear? ~ Eyes, mother
all but the pip"
What is your business here ?"
asked an irate beauty of an Irish hotel
servant whom she found at her door.
"To answer the bellies, marm," said
the ready Hibernian, which won him
smile, kiss and shilling.
The Burlington Ha,ckeye says
that man never feels more forcibly
how true it is that kind words never
die" than when his love letters are
read out, to the absorbing interest of
all present, in breach of promise suit
We know that "the Lord loveth
a cheerful giver," but there's no use
chucking copper cent into contribu-
tion box loud enough to make the
folks ON the back seat think the CON-
munion service has tumbled off the
altar
When woman is so very tired
that she lean hardly hold her head
up" she goes out shopping and walks
about ten miles, and when man is
very, very tired he plays billiards, say
eight or ten games, and walks about
fifteen miles.
well, girls said the mother,
"you are big enough to be of some use.
1t may make you mad to tell you of it.
| am going to discharge the washerwo-
man. 'Wring out sweet bellies 7 is to be
the motto in this house." And visions
of parboiled hands running the scale
on the washboard instead of q piano
fitted before the minds of those sad
daughters.
"A country boy, coming to school
in the city for the first time, was asked
by the teacher where South America
was situated. He scratched his head
and said: Down in fathers tater
field" The teacher thereupon corrected
him by telling him where it was. He
looked up with broad grin and ex-
claimed: "What yer asked me for eft
yer know yerself?"
1t was proposed to erect a monu-
ment in the village square to the
father of his country, and old Squire
Higgins was called upon for liberal
donation. II can't give anything this
time" he said, "but you may know |
always carry Washington in my
heart" "Wcll," answered the man
with the subscription paper, call | can
say is that you've got the father of
his country in very tight spot"
The preacher was talking to the
Sunday school about the power of re-
ligion and the devotion of the Jealous
to the cause and their attendance upon
the services. Finally he asked if there
was anything to which people would
GO twice every Sunday and through
the week as they did to church, when
small boy with q twisted tongue on
the front seat spoke out, "Yeth, thir,
thircus would ketch 'em every pop
if they could get in free, like they do
to church"
"A minister who had been reprov-
ing one of his elders for over indul-
gence, observed cow going down to
stream, to take a drink, and then
turn away. There" said be, to his
offending elder, ''is an example for
uor Tha nnur has nunnchad its thirst