Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1880-05-27
ALL SORTS.

Is a caterpillar to be commended
when it turns over new leaf2'a aJ
TIE father of twins is q botanical Gu
rosity-a double poppy, as it were.
TRUIsM from the farmyard-A hen is
not immortal, and yet her son never sits.
OLD rags are scarce, and tramps feel
it very difficult to keep up with the
fashions. a1l - . g..
AN exchange softly of defailter:
He admits a gap of $4,000 between
himself and creditors" - ''' '..'
A MAN who can wear a paper collar a
whole week. and keep it clean, is not
good for anything else.
WHEN cat gives an entertainment
from the top of wall, it isn't the cat
we object to, it's the waul. ,4
"Nol ALeERNoN, dear, say that the
boy shall not be brought up on the bot
tie. Look at his grandpa's nosel"
In extremis: Pat -"Do ye buy rags
and bones here?" Merchant-"W do,
surr." Pat-Thin, be iabers, put me
on the schkalesp II ~" E...s.
THE prisoner being asked whether
he struck the man in the heat of pas
sion, replied: "No; struck him in the
pit of the stomach"
notwithstanding, Mr.. Brown.
Did you have a good night?" Patient
=" The night was good enough, but
I've had beastly time of i'll have"
A LOVING British wife's postscript to
her husband in New York: "Dear
William: I have perused the police
reports and Morgue returns every day,
hoping to see your name."
A DANBURY man can kick eleven
inches higher than his head. During
good fruit years he hopes to make con-
siderable money in travelling through
the State and kicking boys out of trees.
FATHER (who is always trying to
teach his son how to act while at the
table)-aWell, John, you see that when
I have finished eating I always leave
the table," John-@Yes, sir; and that
is all you do leave"
WARS in q name?" All, William,
You didn't know everything, that's
certain. Salt can be bought for few
cents q quart, but call it chloride of
sodium and the apothecary will mulct
you to the tune of half dollar for one
poor scruple.
A MEAN man put sixteen hornets in
whisky bottle, and gave it to Texas
man in the dark to take drink out of,
and, though the hornets got in their
work as they went down, the Texan re-
marked that it wasn't real Texas whisky,
as it lacked fire. ,...... .... ...
AN idiotic correspondent sends this /:
an Notes and Queries you answer
your correspondent that the moon is a
secondary planet. Butter single ques-
ton more has curd to me. Is the
milky whey second dairy constella-
ton ?-BOst071 Transcript.
A SAN FRANCISCO thief did not know
that the woman whose pocket he tried
to pick was the Great American Female
Samson, belonging to circus then in
the city; but he was sure he had made
a mistake when she struck out from the
shoulder, knocking him down like ten
pin hit by the big ball.
TIE condition of the public roads is
the measure of the civilization of the
inhabitants. Good roads facilitate
trade intercourse, promote comfort and
convenience, increase the value of real
estate, add attractiveness to the neigh
borhood and stimulate individual inn
provements. i s-ai r]sh to..a
FRENCH and German authorities
recommend the use of salt at the rate
of 150 pounds per acre for clover and
other leguminous plants; for wheat and
aax, $50 pounds, and for barley and
potatoes 800 pounds, to be sown broad
cast in the spring season, before the
herbage has attained any considerable
growth. ,..f ...s....
NATIVE New Mexican women are ex-
ceedingly plain. M v g
BERTHA" Mamma, Johnny is aw-
fully naughty. He's been banging my
new dolly with all his might against the
floor !" Johnny-"Po Pooh L seen her
bang it herself t'other day." Bertha
"Wel, what o. thatP Amt it my
dolly?" ine
"THE court orders you to conclude, ~
said Judge to tedious lawyer. every
well, your Honor; then I conclude that
the court shall listen to me" ."lH. af-
"UNLEss you give me aid" said q
beggar to a benevolent lady, 81 am
afraid I shall have to resort to something
which I greatly dislike to do" The lady
hdnded him dollar, and compassion.
ately asked: what is it, poor man
that have saved you from ?" s'Work,
was the mournful answer.
THE ancient silver penny was the frs
silver coin struck in England, and til.
only one current among the Anglo
Saxons. The penny, until the reign o
Edward L, was struck with a cross 81
deeply indented that it might be easil,
parted into two for half pence, and int
four for farthings, and hence thes,
names. Copper pennies and two-penn,
pieces were coined in 1897
/ sAM tired of life?". said Cheerful
old man, the other day, in reply to th,
question. "Not bit Of it. Iremem
Der landing in this town with a chip hat
hickory shirt and pair Of breeches. rv
been away up and I've been fiat on m,
back, yet I'd like to begin and go it al
over again chip hat, shirt, breeches an,
all. Why? Well, you see when yol
come to the end, you don't know what
beyond. Tn dead sure Of this othe
thing, and, on the whole, this world jus
tickles me to DEATH 3t.s y. 81
DR. NroHors suggests that the reasol
fruits do not digest well when eaten al
| ter flesh, is because the gastric juice Sc
creted to act on the meat will not &C
well on the fruit. Perhaps on this &C
count the better way is to eat fruit befor