Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-07-08
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

willing TO die.
Women" quoth Jones, "are the salad
of life, at once boon and a blessing" |"
"lu one way they're salad, indeed, )" re-
piled Brown; they take so much time in
their dressing"
The reason men don't follow the ex-
ample Of women and stop to look into the
windows Of millinery stores Is because
such windows don't contain fancy pipes
and the portraits of burlesque actresses.
Editors all unite in asking Edison to
invent style OF newspaper columns that
will enable each separate advertiser to
have place next to the reading matter, at
the top Of the column. There's millions
in it.
eyes" said the landlady, after diligent
search for her guests silk umbrella, 81
thought it had been stolen, and now | am
satisfied that it was" "You may be salts
fed" responded the guest dryly, "but I'm
blest if am"
A cold application to the bare feet, such
as iron, water, rock, earth or ice, when it
can be had, is an excellent remedy for
cramp. If the patient be seized in the
upper part OF the body, apply the remedy
to the hands.
An excellent remedy for removing paint
Or grease spots from garments may be
had by mixing four tablespoonfuls Of alco-
hol with teaspoonful of salt. Shake the
whole well together, and apply with
sponge Or brush.i
"Where can get a first.class dcpilatory
or hair removerp" asks an anxious female,
per postal card. If you can lease Sioux
Indian at reasonable rates, perhaps that
would he the cheapest way to accomplish
what you are after.
General Miles, the famous Indian fight
er, is quoted as saying: "The average
Colorado squatter sells his gun and am
munition to Indians for about four times
its value, and expects to have another fur
nshed him when the Indians begin to
kill"
Only one.tenth of the human body is
solid matter. A dead body weighing 120
pounds was dried in an oven until all the
moisture was expelled, and its weight
was reduced to twelve pounds. Egyp-
tan mummles' bodies are thoroughly
dried. They usually weight about seven
pounds.
A wag brought a horse driven by a
young man to a stop in the street by the
word whoa" and said to the driver,
That's a fine horse you have there"
"Yes," answered tie young man, "but he
has one fault. He was formerly owned by
a butcher, and always stops when he hears
a calf bleat,"
A boy who had charge of a very stub
born donkey was one day beating it un-
merciiully because it would not go, when
the minister of the parish, coming up,
censurcd HIM for his cruelty. The boy
resented the interference, aud exclaimed,
"I'm sure you needn't care, it's none OF
your congregation.
A coquette came out OF fancy-goods
shop loaded with purchases. "You have
renewed your provision" said rival.
Don't speak Of it; have quite ruined
myself! l have bought thousand things
| do not need, among Others six tooth
brushes!" "Ahl one for each tooth"
said the other, sweetly.
Mr.. Simpkins often declares that he
never drinks anything strongerthan claret,
But coming home recently at midnight,
and putting his lips to his wifc's ear, he
whispered mystenously: Hush, my dear,
don't be alarmed, but there are burglars
about. They have already stolen our
keyhole; had to get in by the cellar
window"
A young man dressed in the height OF
fashion, and with poetic turn of mind,
was driving along country road, and
upon gazing at the pond which skirted
the highway, said: "Oh, how ! would
like to lave my heated head in those cool
ing waters!" An lrishman, overhearing
the exclamation, Immediately replied;
"Bedad, you might lave it there and it
would not sink"
When John B. Cough vert to Oxford,
Eng, to address the students on temper
auce, the students sent him word that he
shouldn't lecture on that subject. Cough
appeared, however, and for twenty minutes
nothing could be heard in the hall but the
cat.calls of the boys. When he did get a
word in edgeways, Cough offered to whip
every one of the 500 students singly. A
big fellow, brawny and towering, was,
sent up by the students. Cough SAID, as
his antagonist approached: "My friends,
you evidently misunderstood me. This is
to be an intellectual contest, not prize
fight" This Yankee wit pleased the stu
dents and they became attentive.
A Maryland schoolmaster told a refrac-
UOGy XII Jndu unlesS SUI WTOl6 u COnpOSl-s
ton he would punish her, She appeared .
with two big brothers. The pedagogue
laid revolver on the desk and called for
the screed. 1t took her about ten minutes
TO indite the sentiment: "There air vari-
GUS kinds of big brothers. Sum would
stand up for sister under any circum-
stances, but there are some lily-livered,
slab-sided mungrels, who air a cross be-
tween Gibraltar jackass and Maltese
Jew, who would sit around like rat-hole,
while a red.headCd, cross-eyed slab Of
unrespecIful poverty wanders around with
q borrowed pop, and makes their poor
sister paw around fur the materials fur
composition"
Peculiar people, those Bostonians. They
relate that very fashionable lady in that
city, who fairly dotes on her children, and
is very particular about their toilets, had
a narrow escape recently from losing one
of her darlings. It was leaning out Of a
third story window, when it lost its bal
ance, and in moment more it would have
been dashed to pieces upon the crowded