davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1880-03-14
PlOUS HUMOR.

It was Hood, we believe, who said that good
clergyman Is "piety parsoniaed."
4 little girl who wrote IN essay on the COW
managed to state before closing that the *'cow
is the most useful animal in the world except
religion" ."-Rochesttr Erp1tss.
"No, parson. I probly never git courage to
jine dc church. When poor darky's spiritual
wiser takes him down in de riber and says, I
now capsize thee,' and den ducks him under, it's
time dat darky1ooks after hlsselt. You don't
play none OBJ dem games on me, old man.
It was coiored preacher who said to his flock:
awe have collection to make this morning,
and, for dc glory OBJ hcaben. whichever Of you
stole Mr.. Jones turkeys, don't put anything On
the plate" One who was there says, Every
rocks
"I shall know better next time" said Mrs.
KeepupWiththestyle- THAT hateful niliner
told me- the hat was something new, and there
were four hats just like it in church: but !
might have known better. ] saw the new moon
over my left shoulder. OF course I'd be un-
lucky. Hapen Register.
sailor, nearly shipwrecked in a storm,
| prayed: 20 Lord, haven't asked anything Of
you for fifteen years, and If you'll get me ashore
won't ask anything Of you for fifteen more. -
He was more truthful than many who pray in q
reported. 4 minister was asked to pray for rain.
He did SO thus: 40 Lord, the brethren want me-
to pray for rain; but what they first need is top
dressing"
This is the way tho Comstock Christians talk
"And so you think your big red rooster can get
away with my Dick7 II you do, 1ay out your
coin and bring him down whenever you ike. and
throash M Lent. On, yes, ! Know Dick it well
enough Ash Wednesday, but he hasn't got the
wind, sand; and endurance that + my red red rooster 90
and so says I'D Dick il give your bird any sort
Of racket he's mind to call for.''
There many Of our readers who will still re-
, 1880-03-14

March Fifth Sunday in Lent
March l5-Twenty-ninth Day OF Lent
March l8-Thir1ieth Day OF Lent
March 17-Thirty-flrst Day Of Lent
March 1S-Thirty-sccond Day Of Lent
March l9-Thirty-third Day Of Lent.
March D-Thirty- fourth Day OF Lent.
CATHOLIC
March 14-Passion Sunday.
March l5-Feria,
Mnrch 16-Ferfa~
March list Patrick, B. c.
March 18-St- Gabriel, Archangel-
March 19-St. Joseph, c., Spouse OF the B. v M-,
and Patron Of the Universal Church,
March 20-Scyen Dolors Of the B. V. II. from
tho 18TH.
, 1880-03-14
lin, in New York Of the Pioneer
Band Of the English SALIVA
ton Army.
o,,a Leo Maintains that Civil Mar
rage Has No Binding Force
Whatever.
mia Scriptural Wines the Same
as the Alcoholic Wines
of To-Day.
a*nsral Notes, Personals, Pioug Humor,
Services To-Day.


~u.r THE AMERICAN CHURCHES ARE DOING
VIZ FOR THE HEATHEN.
The Missionary Rcrie.c for January-February
.onfa,ns very long but equally interesting
..icle on missions conducted in foreign coun-
.-!sx by the different evangelical bodies Of the
rnrad states, and their achievements during
rs year 1s''s-'79.
1re income of the Foreign Board Of the
pneshgterian Church North during the fiscal
-r,r ending May l, 1873, was 1851 a loss Of
arer ss6oo0 as compared with the year previous.
Tne debt at tho same time was S62 So, gain Of
e1sn There were q foreign missions, with
~ ordained missionaries, 1877 assistants, T2
ardsined native preachers, u5 native licennares,
10 he]pers and teachers, and u,366 native COM
-nnica nts distributed as follows:
, 1880-03-14

POPE LEO ON MATRIMONY AND DIVORCE.
The eucyclical letter Of Leo XIII. On the
nature and sanctity Of marriage, md the fal1a~
cies Of those who would reduce it from reltg-
ious to merely civil rite, is very long docu-
meut, occupying as 1t docs twelve columns of an
italian newspaper. Some OF its points are as
follows: ..Be it your principal care that the peo-
ple abound in the precepts Of Christian wisdom,
and that they fail not to remember that mar
riage was originally instituted, not by human
will. but by the authority and command of God,
and under the condition that one man be welded
to one woman; while Jesus Christ, the author Of
tho New Testament, transferred 1t from a
natural function to sacrament. and attributed
to His Church all legislative andjudicial control
of it as binding instrument De 1t likewise
brought home to all that If among the Chris
rian faithful any man or woman oe we'd
ded without the due sacrament their
marriage shall be an unjust one; and. although
II may have been contracted in conformity with
civil INV vet it can have no more binding virtue
than any custom or rite introduced by civil leg
islation. In tho daily-incrensiug confusion OF
orinious this also it IS necessary to know, that
m m nm has power to dissolve marriage rati-
fled and consunlmated between Christians, and
that, therefore, those are manifest cr1mlnits
who. once bound in wediock, shall from Whit
ever cause contemplate new marriage before
the f,rst one has b,,en dissolved by DEATH And
If matters have reached such pass that living
together shall appear no longer possible, theh
the Church permits the twain to live the one
apart from the other; while, With the use 20 OF
s.aets to modify the hardships Of separation, nor
ever ceases to ply her mediating task, nor ever
despaiTs Of ultimately reconeiling them as
man and wife, Special heed must be
taken that marriages be not lightly
Contracted with non-Catholica, for y Is
hardly TO be hoped that minds at variance
IN tie subject Of religion will agree in other
thiues. Nay, marriages Of this kind are clearly
to Be avoided. If only for the reason that they
furnish occasion for forbidden commun1cauon yea
IN thinQs sacred, are fraught with peril for the
reii0ion Of the Catholic spouse, obstEuct the
, 1880-03-14

proper education of the children. and often lead
the mind to hold all religions as equal by the re-
moval Of the only touchstone Of what is true and
false. Finally, we'll aware ns We are that no one
to your authority, faith, and piety, venerable
brethren, ali those wretched ones who, carried
away by lust, and needless OF their own saliva
mate matrimony. In recalling them to their
duty put forth your steadfast endeavor, so that,
when by your sulutary intsrposition they feel
tsoce for their evil courses be induced to enter
bv the Catholic rite into marriage that il irat y
, 1880-03-14

In troubles with tho kidneys OF liver cu1e u
worth nothing unless radical and permanent.
by gently acting Oh the stomach and bowels
FoF piles it is better than ANY known kpedaes
, 1880-03-14

The total baptisms for the fiscal year arc H.
Rs. The gnin in church members In the AsiaI1c M
soS Fl tas 3 81 thesc 1 %s IS he
crease among the Telugu Christians alone>-an
increase without parallel IN the previous h1story
u baptist missons The percentage or nus 3d3i r.
e case IN all these missions OF the Union IS G;5
"a Ihe 4siatic missions separately, ~ ~; ~ tne
Telugu mission by ITSELF more than 25a VI the
~ ~ mlssionaries" designated above there seem
VTuained missionaries. ..-+.~..-.-..--.-...--~ b9
Wives Of missionaries engaged in the work.. 39 g
ea8le ladies' and widows. ID
rota, .............. 1n
Ut the 1876 "natirc preacher" In the Euro
peen missions 3 are ordnincd, and the resi- coi
pofteurs and subordinate laborers. Ot the 90
aa1ive Preachers" in Asatic missions Ing IT,
poft gives no sufficient data for determining
nov nov many are ordained, but the Rev: 9. Il. Car
penter. Of the Bur1nah missions, abon1 yeAI
~ Classified the s.: native preachers OF nurman
INTO 80 ordained native pastors and "a uuor-
Juoed native preuchers. So, too, there a1e tn3 ~
oala oa for ascertainfng just how many or the ~
caarches in the Asiutic missions arc self-sup-
Porting, but Of the 1926 native Christian
T. 3hatens one year ago. Mr.. Carpenters testimony
that their contributions for all objects, re- re-
pees aae hie their whole Is
" W Inc Baptist churches Of America tnc saiMe
;;seef vas only 66 ,094 rupees, or N!:-snoWng
nostGE 1ea 70 have become more than na1i se1~7op-
g. he Baptist Church, South, with headauarters
- u Richmond, contributed for the support OF
Africa. There are 6 ordained missionaries anu
.unordnined. s female workers, II native pastors'
11q q native assistants. ,,,,,
- For tho foreign mission cause the free-Nlu
!naptists contributed $3s,02. in 1878. There were
n ~ 1873 ordained missionaries. femMe
ttesaschefs> native preachers, u native neipers,
Scholars.
~, ne Canadian Baptists gave 1893 to the snP.
UT OF the foreign mission cause, with "nlcn II
maintained during 1915 missionaries, 1 natxe
preachers, native teachers, + schools with 139
PUPILS, and 42S communicates
, 1880-08-20
Country Gentlemen in Portugal

Thej Portusese gentleman is e,apAat-
ically cockney, and cock0ey Of lin
tied education and ideas. Having few
mental resources, and no special taste
for rural pursuits, he likes society in
towns where he can take LIE easily
among his equals. The great noble who
own wide tracts of territory which are
roughly farmed either by bailifs or by
tenants, who go shares with the propri-
etor in the produce, have their palaces
in the capital or great cities. More
over, there are many mansions of no
small pretensions in heprovincial towns
still inhabited by the representatives of
old families in decay. The soldiers Of
fortune and the successful adventarers
who went to push their fortunes in the
BraEils and Indies, often came back
with considerable wealth. Being gen
orally men Of humble origin, they did
not care 20 repair with their fortunes to
Lisbon, where they would have been
eclipsed and looked down upon by the
ancient nobility. They preferred to set
tie in the smaller towns, where they
might become persons of consequence,
and where money went a long way. So
their descendants are still to be found,
having taken rank with the aristocracy
in course of generations, and forming so
many out of the world societies. .'i"
Yet any change from those dead-alive
places is welcome at the dullest season Of
the year, when the towns become intol-
erabIy hot; and the Portuguese are fond
of playing at farming in their villegia-
ture, when the country is most pleasant
in late Summer and Autumn. The life
within doors is rough enough, and, in
fact, turns into perpetual picnic, where
the inconvenience are faced with un-
failing good humor The Portuguese
gentleman's country seat must be much
like those villas in the Apennines where
the bare bedchambers open from bleak
central hall, and the scanty furniture,
though solid in its build, is nevertheless.
become rickety with the wear Of gener-
otions. But then, except for the pur-
poses Of eating and sleeping, one is al
most independent of roof and walls.
Are you beneath skies of unchanging
serenity9 while you may lounge and
laugh away your existence in sunshine
that is tempered by the trelised shades
of INTERVENING vine tendrils and luxuri-
ant climbing plants. Like Bottom and
his comrades in the "Midsummer
Nights Dream" you may each green
brake your retiring, if not your firing,
room.
, 1880-08-20
"Old ST."

Old 81 came rather late yesterday,
looking somewhat fatigued. After a
minute, he said:
"Dis am er monty kurus perseedin'
desc men kerryin' on ',ound hyar wild
desc fortfolyos." 1N8
"A" Did you mean the census takers p
"I bleeve dat's de name dey goes by"
What have they been doing now ~
"W'y dey's been bin down dar in my
naborhood jess stirrin' mo 'rath dan all
de parsons inside de korpyrashum kin
put down in er munth."
"That is unfortunate Have they
visited you yetl
OATS what makes me so benin time
ter day. One OBJ dem cum down ter my
house dis mining an tap on de gate !;
| axed him what's de matter, an he say
he dun cum fer ter take my sensus an
he hain't no mon got hit out dan sod
ter jes' go way from dar, 'kase dar
warn't no bizness in dat ar shanty for
drummers from de looAytick 'sylums"
"What did he say 2"
"He says dat ef / fools wild de seDsus
he dun gwine ter put de law ter me !;
an den he 'splaned de law, Den seed
it wuz all rite an 1 axcd him in"
"How did you get along then F"
eve got long purity we'll ontel he
cum ter coIum whar de chillun are sot
down; den he say ter me what am de
ouilah Oh my chillun 2 lsay 'look heah,
you jess 6gger on what de law lows an
don't cum 'roun' hyar akin sultin'
queshuns like dat He say dat he got
ter put down weder dey is black or
merlatter-aa den ole harryeane broke
! ose |"
How was thatF'
De ole oman wuz hssenin', an when
she heah dat she upset de table whar de
fortfolyo war lyin, emptied de starch
bowl all ober de returns an gin ter hol-
Ter, Heath Tiger jess like de forty
thieves dun broke inter dc house. De
Sensus man he grabbed up his docky-
ments an made fer de fence, an twixt
holdin' Ge ole oman an wild one han
an'Tige wild de odder got most tucker'd
out"
, 1880-08-20
Johannah's Sorrow.

. d
Johannah McBride's face was full of
defiance and pimples when she turned
it upon Justice Kilbreth, in the Jeffer-
son Market Police Court, yesterday, and
the attitude she took was full of hostile
significance. oac5 ..; ...
"Johannah," said His Honor, "you
have had bad night of it. Thele is
much tribulation in Houston street,
where you have smashed divers win
dows, and the widow in the garret and
the cobbler in the basement OF your
own house are carrying about bumps
on their heads as big as goose eggs.
You were not bit kind to them, Jo-
hannah" "'''
"Sarved them right" said the prisoner
stoutly. '.'''." ''i''''
"And you've torn the officers coat
there to tatters, ~ ~ .al
"Fm sorry that twasn't lis eyes, so l
am"
"And your poor husband is in the
hospital. You broke big jug over his
head" i..
A change came over Johannah. She
dropped her arms and shade Of in
tense melancholy overspread her coun-
tenance.
"What's that you say, sor 2" she ask,
ed, wistfully. , u
81 say that you smashed a big jug
over your husbands head and split it
open. That's what you did.
at wasn't the blue clancy jug wild
the bald headed min on it"
"My impression, Johannah, is that it
was that identical vessel, and it cut
notch in your husbands head you could
put your fingers in
The prisoner was deeply moved and
seemed about to break down entirely
p "Ah, then, said she with sigh, 81
was afeard I'd do some harm"
Sand we'll you might be-" said His
Honor. "You've stretched that husband
OF yours out, depend on it."
Johannah began to sob at this and
His Honor relenting triae added en-
couragingly, al guess, though, he'll be
all right in few days"
"Tisn't that, sor," blubbered the
prisoner through her tears; ''but that
clancy jug was a prisint me Unole Din
mis- gev me for all the wurld on last
Michaelmas, and now 'tis ruined intoire-
ly-N. Y. Herald
, 1880-08-20
An CYerworkeG People.

At recent meeting of American
physicians and surgeons, William Wal.
ter Phelps made the following remarks,
which will bear careful and repeated
reading We are nation without con-
tentment, without rest, without happi-
ness. In a feyerish race we pass from
the cradle to the grave-successful men,
to whom life is a failure. Our boys
leave the university when English boys
leave their school. Our merchants
leave their trade, reti;ing to some more
dignifed or honorable work, as they he
lieve it, at an age when the German
merchant first feels the master of his
trade. We are always anticipating the
future, forcing the task Of whole life
into part. Worse, we are not content
with doing a years work in month in
cur calling, but we must DO enough in
all other callinss to win distinction
there In othes lands it is enough to
lie a lawyer, physician, clergyman, mer-
chant. Here we are nobodies unless
we fill the sphere of all human occupa-
tions. One must be statesman and
know political science as if already in
Office. He must be an orator and ready
to persuade and instruct; a wit to shine
at the dinner table, litterateur, a
critic. There is too much human nature
in man for this to mean anything ex-
cept discontented life and premature
death. And the remedy Correct
public opinion. We must honor the
man who faithfully does his task, what.
ever it is. Not the task, but the faith
fulness with which it is done, must be
the measure of the honor. Then men
will be content with their fathers trade.
This will give us that family association
which is sure pledge of good conduct
and patriotic love. This will give us,
too, that traditional aptitude which
alone gives great mechanical excellence.
1t will not be a bad time for American
manufactures when we fad stamped on
them what Mr.. Grlfls finds on Japanese
bronzes, "Done by the ninth bronzer in
this family" Then men will keep the
occupation Of their youth for their age,
and, having leasure, will build the foun-
dation broad enough 20 withstand bank
ruptcy. The men will seek excellence
in their callings. The men will alter
nate labor with rest, and obey the de-
mand Of nature fiG1D 71m
, 1880-08-20

Parties were organized in Kansas to
hunt for them, and weeks were spent in
the pursuit, but the BenderS had too
much Of a start. and their trai. was
lost. -Four different men and women
supposed to belong to the Bender family
have been arrested during the last seven
years, but they have succeeded u prov
ing their identity and have been re
leased.
, 1880-08-20

SMALL LovERs,--The smallest lovers
on earth were united at the altar at
Odessa three weeks ago. "The Mar
quis," native of Kiel, is 30 years old
and weighs only nineteen pounds, and
his fairy-like consort, young lady born
in Neumunster twoand-twenty years
ago, Just turns the scales at thirteen
pounds. At a first glance, this tiny
pair, it is said, might be taken for
couple Of scarcely weaned babies, dressed
UP for a joke in the garb of adults.
, 1880-08-20

LuCifer IT atches were made in 1929.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-01-14
I,Ilhoc.

The hull, spars, chains, anchors and cargo
of laths of the schooner Madeira were sold at
auction to Summer & Staples for 500, but
when the tug arrived only the foremost and a
piece of the deck with the wench attached
were to be found. Capt. Brown lost his charts.
nautical instruments and all his clothing eX-
cept what he had on. Those of the crew who
were fortunate enough to have their chests
locked saved the contents. The conduct Of
Henry M. Godfrey, keeper of Quoddy Light,
is deserving of special commentator. He
was watching the vessel when she capsized,
and started his assistant to notify the crew at
the Life Station, while he launched small
boat through the surf and started to the rescue.
The wind was east with heavy sea running,
and it was with the greatest care he kept his
boat from being swamped yet he tugged brave
ly at the oars until he had the satisfaction OF
seeing the Life Station boat () coming to the
rescue Quoddy Life Station has everything
necessary for the saving of life and property,
excepting q first-class boat The boat now in
use was built for sun skiff, y and when blow
ing heavy it is impossible to row her against
the wind.
After rescung the crew of the dismasted
schooner Commodore Kearney they found it
impossible to reach the station, which was
about one mile to windwards and were oblig-
ed to land on the south end of CamDobello,
where the rescued crew and part of the station
crew spent the night in deserted fisherman's
camp, with the thermometer 10o below zero
The remainder of the crew travelled eight
miles to the station, and there remained With
k.I -. ftnn ft.nr
has been needless sacrifice of life this station
will be provided with first class boat.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-01-14

About four inches of snow fell Monday
night. Mercury at sunrise yesterday w;
wind west; 24o at noon, 190 at sunset; wind
northwest.
One session of the schools yesterday.
The snow storm of Monday night has I'M
proved the sleighing greatly.
A fine portrait Of ex-President Dana has
been placed in the Board Of Trade rooms.
j. S. Winslow, Esq is the managing owner
of the barkentine A. G. Wade.
The Todd Non-Freezing Hydrant Co. adj
iourned without transacting any business yes
terday.
Prof. Stewart of Nevada has been invited to
deliver a lecture in City Hall en- Mines and
Mining in Maine.
The gentlemen of Chestnut street church
will hold fair and festival at their vestry to-
night and tomorrow night. Useful and fancy
articles will be for sale.
During the past week the Rolling Mills
turned out 200 tons of finished bar iron. The
mills are working to their full capacity and
last weeks work was the largest ever accom-
plished except in brief periods when working
on rails.
The fourth dance in the Fraternity course
comes off this evening. There will be very
full house. On the preceding evenings IN
spite of the bad weather the hall has been
well filled. Only two more dances remain IN
this course.
Our readers will remember that this even
ing there will be grand exhibition of fancy
skating at the Roller Skating hall. The Port
land Band in full uniform will give concert
from As to 8.45. After the concert Mr.. La
lime will execute number of double move
ments in fancy skating with lady dancer
Prof. Purdy, the master of roller skating In
New England, will then execute number OF
most difficult movements, after which gen
eral skating will take place from $50 to 1870.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-01-14
Do not Poison Yourself
PORTLAND POST OFFICE.
Oct. f3, 1879
oFFICE HOURS:

OFFlCE HOURS:
From 90 a. m to $50 p. M. Sundays excepted.
Sundays open for Carriers and General Delivery
from to 10 a. m.
ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF MAILS.
Boston and intermediate ofices-Arrive at 1920
and lilo p. Close at 9.15 a. m 1910 800
and 800 p. m
Boston and the West-Arrive at 5. 10 D. m.
intermediate or Way Mails, via Boston & Maine
Railway-Arriye at 1920 and $40 p. m. Close at
Great Southern l. Western-Arriye at 1920 p. m.
and lilo p. m. Close at S.15 a. m, 1910, 800
and 900 p. IN.
Bangor and connecting routes-Arrive at LOO p.
III. Close at IL. 80 a.
Augusta and connecting routes-Arrive at $50 a.
m. and LOO p. m. Close at ll.3o a. M and 435
Morning Northwestern, by Grand Trunk Railway
Arrive at 9.35 a. m. Close at 100 a. m.
Lewiston and Auburn-Arrive at 2.O5 and 8. 80 o.
M, and LOO p. M Close at $50 and 11.3O a. m.
Castine. Deer Isle, Sedgwick S. W. Harbor. Mt
Desert Jonesport, Machias, Machiasport, East Ma
chias. Millbridge and Bar Harbor via each steamer
Arrive at 6 a. N. Close at 8 p. m.
PASSPORT, via each steamer-Arrive at 600 a. m
Foreign mails, via New York, day previous to sail
ing of steamers-Close at S.15 a. m.
Express, Augusta Bangor and the East--Arrive at
2.O5 a. m. Close at 900 p. m.
Skownegan, intermediate offices and the north
Arrive at Loo p m. Close g "a at l.3o a. m
Canada and intermediate offices. via G. 7. R.-Ar-
rive at 124o p. m Close a; at II. 40 p. m. c,.t
Nova Scotia and Prince Edwards Island-Close at
11.30 a. m. and 900 p. m.
Swanton. VT and intermediate offices, via P. g. 0.
L. R.--Arrive at 6.10 p. m. Close at 7.30 a. M.
Fryeburg Me-, and intermediate offices, via p. &
0. r. R.-Arrive at LOO a. m. Close at 2.3o p m.
Worcester, Mass, and intermediate Offices via P.
g. R. r. R.-Arrive at 1.20 p. m. Close at 12.lO
a. m.
Rochester, N. H., and intermediate Offices, via P.
s. r. Il. R.-Close at $50 a. m.
1.3O and 800 D. m. Collections at 700 and il 90
a. m and 200 and 800 p. m.