The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-05-12

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widest disorder. while she accompanied
the whole performance with strange anc
inarticulate sounds. Her mother, tht
same Mrs. Hanway who was so perfec
model of dress and carriage that many
of her lady friends were wont to Lament
among themselves that she gave her
self such airs, was seated on tht
floor dressed for walking, but with
out her bonnet. Yes, she was GER
tainly drumming on an inverted tee
tray with the wrong end. of the poker
And the philosopher? It was perplex
ing, after three years separation, to NEE
him thus. The philosopher was canter
ing round the room on all fours, wearing
on his head his own waste-paper basket
Briskly he cantered round, ever and amor
frisking like lamb in spring time, unit
he reached my feet, which were rooted
to the spot with astonishment. HI
glanced up sideways, rose with cry tc
the normal attitude of man, and graspeC
me by the hand. At the sound of his
voice, his wife dropped the paper from
her hands, raised them quickly to hel
hair; and mis- mother-in-law, with as
much dignity as the effort would allow
scrambled on to her feet. Then in ar
instant the cause of their eccentric con-
duct WAS made clear. Throned upor
the hearthrug, and showing by gra.
cious smile few of the newest teeth
sat fine baby of some fifteen months.
In one dimpled fist was tightly clinched
the brush, which had so neatly arranged
the mothers braids; while the other
was engaged in pounding the grand
mothers best bonnet into shapeless
mass.
We were all somewhat embarrassed
except the baby. The ladies knew that
they were untidy, and l that was an
intruder. AS for the learned father, he
stood now on one leg and now on the
other, while he shifted the waste-paper
basket from hand to hand, and continued
to smile almost as persevering as his
amiable offspring. Y,t it was he who at
last put IN end to our awkward position
by expressing wild desire to have my
opinion on the new curtains in his study.
Rather sheepishly I said goodbye to the
lady of the house, trying to express by
my eyes that I would never call again
unaunounced. I knew that Mrs. Han
way had not forgiven me, as humbly
| took the two fingers which she offered 4;
and I felt like brute, as the most i'm
portant member of the family conde-
scended to leave damp spot by the
edge of my left whisker.
When, however. l had been swept
downstairs by my impulsive friend. and
was alone with him in his den, my
courage returned, and with it some in
dignation. l confronted him, and
sternly asked why I had not been told
that he was father. mot been
told?" echoed he; do you mean to say
that you did not know about the baby?"
"Notso much as that it was" replied,
gloomily. He was overwhelmed. Of
course he had supposed that every one
knew it from the queen downward. Of
course fifty people ought to have told
me, who of course had told me every
thing else. At last my curiosity got the
better ofmy Indignation, and cut short
his apologies by beginning my questions.
"DOes the shape of its head content
you?" asked. "The shape of whose
what?" cried the philosopher, apparently
too surprised for grammar. "Of the
baby's head, of course" I replied,
tartily; II merely wish to know if the
child is likely to be as intellectual as
you hoped" Isn't the hair love-
ly?" he asked, inconsequently. This
was too much, and assuming my
severest manner I delivered my
self in this wise: II thought, though
no doubt I was wrong, that the use Of a
baby to you would be partly to furnish
you with raw material for philoso-
pher, partly to enable you by constant
observation to gain further evidence
bearing on such vexed questions as,
whether the infant gains it's ideas of
space by feeling about, whether it is
conscious of itself, etc." "Well," he
said, laughing, 81 don't expect much
help from my infant in those matters,
unless I can get inside her and think
her thoughts" "Her thoughts?" cried
|, in amazement; "you don't mean to
say it's girl? Good gracious! you are
not going TO educate a female philoso-.
pher?" He looked rather vex ed. "Of
course it's girl" he said. The father
of a female philosopher" 1 gasped.
Dear mel" said he, somewhat testify;
isn't it enough to be father of noble
woman?"
Now 1 have often put up with great
deal from my learned friend, and am
quite aware that I have been spoken of
rs Bozzy" behind my back. But
there is turning point even for the
worm, and nobody will sit forever at
the feet which are constantly kicking
him. l had been snubbed moro than
enough by the illogical parent, and as
suming my most sarcastic manner, In
quired, with an appearance of Difference
rs it not rather early to speak OF
your daughter as a noble woman?"
Not at ALL" said the philosopher.
I had kept aloof from the philosopher
for some weeks. nursing my wrath, like
Achilles said to mysef-crossa as bear,
overheard my landiady say in the
passage-when / received hasty note
begging me to come ut once. l fancied
myself summoned to council OF chiefs;
so, having donned my shining armor,
left my tent with fitting dignity, and
descended with clang into the plain.
Yet could not but be aware Of my
landlady's eye piercing me through the
crack of the parlor door purpOsely left
ajar, and of the hasty Tapping of loose
slippers which told Of the startled
slavey's fight into the abyss blow:
An unusual silence held my friends
house that morning. The door was
opened before I had time to ring by
melancholy footman, who, walking be-
fore me with the elaborate delicacy of
an Agag, noiselessly ushered me into
the study. 1t was my lot to be again
rooted to the spot with amazement. By
the bookcase, in q shaded corner of the
room, with his head bowed low upon
his hands, knelt the philosopher. Here
was long step from the siege of Troy,
from the simple wrath of the childlike
hero to the most complex embarrassment
of an heir of all the ages. What should
do? The dismal menial had fled to
the shades without word, without
even glance into the room. If re-
treated, left my friend unaided and re-
NAMED ignorant of the cause of his
strange conduct. If I advanced, I was
again the intruder on scene not
prepared for my inspection. In an
agony of hesitation feel to brushing my
hat with my elbow; but not finding the
expected reliefin the occupation. was
about to desist, when my hat decided
what my head could not, by falling with
a crack on the floor. The effect was
electrical. Without one glance at the
intruder, the philosopher made grab
at the nearest book shelf, dragged out a
volume which had not been touched for
half century. and hunted for nothing
in its pages with frantic eagerness. He
was still at it, when stood over him
and noted without wonder that he held
| tho haol1 nnoido dour thor, NTH tho