Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1880-12-30
HUMOROUS.

For internal improvement-A good
square meal.
A nose by any other name would
smell a well.-PhiIadelpb lpbiG Sun.
The family pickle jar is responsible
for good many others in the house
hold.-IUeS.
When the lawyers say "express pro-
visions " do they mean &C. 0. ID. ?"-
OTego Blade.
Ladies should remember that the
sweetest lips are the soonest chapped.-
SIlenl Sunbeam
1t costs the average American five
dollars for patent medicine TO digest one
dollars worth of food.-BoSto7s Tran
script.
The fellow who can do so much on
the spur of the moment gets so that he
can never do anything on the spur of an
hour. Saturday Night.
A fellow told young lady he would
like a pair of wristlets for a present.
The next day he was arrested for theft,
and she sent him pair Of handouts,
A physician gives directions how to
see the blood circulate. His method is
not as simple as the old way of calling
prize tighter a har.-NorrtStoaOn
Herald.
The ladies pattern after the gentlemen
in the matter of clOaks and hats this
season. But they don't appear to have
a universal liking for our style of rubber
-DGnielson1iILe Sentinel.
The turkey gobbled as the boy walked past
And strutted about in his pride;
But the boy goobled up the turkey at last,
Aud quart OF cranberries beside.
--Re0kuk Gate Ctty.
a wholesale butcher uptown bought
beef ''for rise" He got it. Two of
his ribs and mis- left leg are as good as
ever; the rest of him has an unpleasant
appearance of sausage meat--Ptsck.
"Taffy is a pleasant thing,
'Fis most effective stuff.
And the best known way to give it
Is in newspaper puff
-OH city Derrtck
This fashion of wearing no gloves"
exclaims the Boston Post, is a blame
fraud With gloves you can have three
or four strings tied around each finger
with hard knots at the back, and folks
would think it was d lot OF diamond
rings"
Every young man Of slim income must
shudder when he reads OF the tremen-
dous ice crop that is being gathered, and
realizes that he cannot walk out with
his best girl next summer without en-
countering seven ice cream saloons to g
block, BiddletoIOfs Transcript.
Ii all the dogs were sent to Lap-land,
Tie lawyers to Lie-beria, the donkey to
Bray-zil, the lovers to Sigh IBERIA, the
editors to NeWs-zealant, and the keyh0le
anglers to Peer-u, the eternal fitness of
things would have equilibrium doWn to
a tine point.-ModeTn ATgo.
He was seventy and she was eighteen,
and they were on their wedding tour.
He pointed out to her the beautiful
scenery, and said: Wemay have many
anniversaries of this occasion" $ Yes, !"
she answered, you will probably live
long enough to have wooden wed
ding"
An editor may write himself 'swe" in
his editorials, and feel therefore doubly
proud and doubly strong; but when he
gets home to dinner an hour or 20 late,
and forgets to bring something home to
make that dinner, he doe-n't feel any
larger than one fourth of one person.
Kentucky State Jo4r71It.
ABoston CO nposer has set the sounds
OF Niagara Falls TO music. Next thing
we know some fend will set the noise Of
boiler shop to m Isle, and distribute
| Il through organs of Itali3n descent
And then there will be blood split A
| boiler shop fantasy, with staccato move
ment, coming right on the heels OF 'PIna~
! fore.' would make even the American
peace society howl for war NorriSto11
| HorulT