Litchfield enquirer., 1880-11-25

your mother" inquired visitor of little
chubby fist. ILL.,
''Oh like ma the best. She spanks me
with the soft side of her hand pa takes
shingle."
Conversation heard on the front platform of
street car: docs yez tell me there niver
was such man as Morey that writ the Chi
nase letter." ''Sure the. MATS own muther,
mark ye, swears as how he niver was 10 exist
ence!"
Base ball, it will be remembered by old set
tiers, is game played by eighteen persons
wearing shirts and drawers. They scatter
around the field and try to catch a cannon
ball covered with raw hide. The game is
to get people to pay two shillings to come in
side. -.
The Parson- very sorry to hear, Mrs.
Brown, that you were present last night at
Plymouth Brethren's tea meeting. have
often told you that their doctrines are highly
erroneous. - Mrs. acknowledgements sir,
their doctrines may be; but their cake, with
Tultany raisins is excellent"
One of our wholesale dry goods houses has
new clerk, whose father from the country
went in to see him the other day. and was sur
prised to learn that all the statesmen had nick
names He asked the floor walker why his
son was called, Jury" Oh" was the re-
ply, che is always sitting on cases"
1t must be rather trying to be married to an
emotional actress, to have her ciutching you
by the throat at a. NJ and shouting in q
hoarse stage whisper, "Stave, didst lock the
kitchen door the key, where ist, quick I'll
| strangle thee; didst lay the milk pitcher on
the outer battlements aye, me good lord, I'm
mad"
A man in prayer meeting at Great springs,
| Ga, declared that he was ready to die, and
awaited the summons with Impotence. He
| had barely uttered the sentiment when bull
| let crashed through the window and grazed
| his ear. A neighbor, whom he had sued for
debt, had taken him;at his word. He hastily
hid himself under bench. - 49,
| A railroad man who was instructed to in
| form lady that her husband had been killed
| by a railroad accident. and was cautioned to
break the news gently, is credited with writ
| ing the following letter: Dear Madam
| write to say that your husband is unavoidably
detained. An undertaken will call on you to-
morrow with full particulars. The funeral ser
mon has been arranged for"
Lady Burdett- Coutts has been invested with
the white and purple liveries of the Guild of
Haberdashers and mank free and accepted
draper,ss, She is the. first woman since the
days of Elizabeth who has been admitted
with o the charmed circle of the guild. The
vestuire is sort of pinafore, mantle and robe,
and q richly embossed gold medallion was
hung round her neck. She made q long and
excellent speech, in which there was no sign
| of effort. so3.....
Nurse TO professional friend making a
calD We'll, Nuss,' SEE he, Ugh and 'erty
like, he SEE, 'Wot do you think I? says he.
Doctor, sez, quite dffierenshial, seq, 'Im
quite of your opinion l SEE. And I'm the
same way of thinking, Nuss,' SEE he And 80
we settles t."-Professional Friend (much
lnterested) "Lor"! And wot was his opin-
ion, now?" Nurse-'Bless yer art my dear
creetur, in course he never hadn't given
none"
This is the way young lady Sabbath school
teacher in New lEngland townsexhorted her
class of boys: Now, childreu, if you'll be
good Children read your Bible. say your
prayers, 60 to church, and never say naughty
wordsworth 60 to heaven, and that will be
perfectly splendid. But if you are not good
children, if you don't read your Bible and say
your prayers and 60 to church, and if you do
say naughty words you'll 60 to hell, and that
will be perfectly ridiculous"
1t was in Galveston opera house. The
two gentlemen we're from the country. After
the curtain fell on the first act one of them,
who had been reading the program, said in an
excited manner, "It's an internal swindle,
just got up to take in strangers" "What's a
swindle r. Here it says the next act is two
years later. l wonder if they think we are
going to stay 10 Galveston, at $2a day, for
two years, just to see this thing out ?" They
went out and saw the ticket man about it. -.