The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1880-03-14
TELEPHONE EXCHANGE.
sgbtIs ThssGAIs 81 sGbtIs ThtRLsTs,
PskIteiy E~xPPss-ed.

Major AulIigan: Recipe for making
your MI eye Watsr-stiek your finger
in ii.
4. Dyer: A "a may smile and
smile, and still be willing TO smile
again.
J. ii. Kimball: The sultan has 800
cooks. II makes one sick to think Of
his broth.
Billy Wightman: II you wish for
music I'm the heir. present him with q
tin whistle.
Dave Miller: The only really perpet-
uai thing about perpetual motion is its
perpetual discovery.
Prof. Good: Musicians should not
drink; they might get into the habit Of
wanting TO rest at every bar.
DIR. Maynard: Over in England when
anybody has a complaint which puzzles
the doctors they lay it to American
beef.
e. F. Annnett: Many Of u bach
elors who dance, look as IL they were
hired to do it, and were in great doubt
Of being paid.
w. ii. Hibbard: The force Of the
adage, "words are cheap" Is some
what lost when you go TO the telegraph
Office and send a telegram.
Charley Turck: II 1t is sinful for
one to dance 1t Is sinful for one to
whistle, and II it is sinful for one to
whistle we are all miserable sinners.
DIR. Crook: When you can hardly
say enough for a man. say he is n Of
n thousand. II will be true rs long rs
there are 900 other men in the world.
Hugh Masterson: Baldheaded per-
sons are recommended, by one who
knows how II is himself, TO have a spi-
der painted on the top Of their heads In
nytime.
Judge W. IL. Miller: Mr.. Tilden is
not really a disappointed man, but he
thinks there Is no use In handing him n
palm leaf fan while the March breeze is
blowing.
John Eames; Turkey is stnl far be-
hind the United States In civilization.
There are only eleven christian sects
that quarrel among themselves in that
benighted land.
J.. G. Horton: II you want to talk
heavy science, say ''protoxyd OF hydro
gen." instead Of ice. II sounds bigger,
and not one man In a thousand win
know what you mean
A. G. Snyder: The z would give
his kingdom for a bullet-proof head.
Still he Is headstrong. II Is "A very Gu
rious thing. by the way, that the nihil-
lists haven't tried n kerosene lamp on
the car.
LEADER foreman, Vaughan: They
probably will not have time to get
C~leopatra's needle ashore in New York
before advertisers will begin to quarrel
to see who shall be at the top Of the
column.
Z. p. Snow: There is a woman In
Wisconsin who has been married fifty
eight years. and who has missed
building the kitchen fire. Her hus-
band is probably the Oldest fire escape
on record.
Il w Innaa. Tn anti,fnattnn nf Tho
next base ball season It is well to remem-
Der that molasses and cobweb are con-
sidered good for a bruised finger. They
will also enable n man TO catch n fy
every time.
Gus. Otterbach: There are several
successful cases of nose-grafting; but
il surgical science will discover some
way to graft n mans nose on to his
own business exclusively, I will call it
a good scheme.
Robert Law: 1t will soon be be-
lieved that Russia is ruled by nm imbe-
cile, administered by idiots and peopled
by lunatics. What common sense
there Is In the country is being shut up
in prisons and killed by diphtheria.
Rees Williams: "Haif OF one Of
Adams teeth, found in his tomb ut
Hebron" is the label on n fossil molar
rs big as your two fists, for sale ut
Dion, France. Mark Twain ought to
buy 1t and put 1t on the ElmIra monu-
ment.
Henry Harrington:
" pray that I may never be married.
" But n marry | pray that ! may no, be de-
ceivcd.
But II I am deceived / pray that ! mny not
know oft.
But i'll know 1t l pray that ! may be able
TO laugh nj the whole affair."
j. w. Bruner: The boy who will
shiver and shake and nearly freeze TO
death II he has to shovel in a half-ton
Of coal or do m errand for his mother,
will stand half a day on the ice, look
ing Mt the skaters, with nc more dis
comfort than n polar bear.
Cass Davis: It is curious to note
how n flaming new silk handkerchief
will struggle up from the deepest breast
pocket into the light of day and linger
there, while the soiled cotton one
skulks at the bottom, making only now
and then a hasty sally into the open air.