The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-09-16
Qartetu.
VARIETY SCRAPS.

please pass the butter" as the man remarked
when he sent hs goat by rail
The Western papers tell OF boy who "peered
fatally into the muzzle Of shot gun"
Goethe says man must be either an anvil or a
hammer; yet how many are nothing but bellows.
The time Of life when young mans mind
| turss fondly to dress is unpeasantly called his
garb age.
An Indiana pedler sixty.one years old, has just
run away with his third wife, While there's life
there's slope.
The individual who first exclaimed, my sole, be
on thy guard" was probably stepping along a
dark alley lined with banana skins.
"That sermon did me good" said one friend to
another after hearing an eloquent preacher. I'VE
shall SEE" was the reply
It's a poor rule that wont work both ways. A
Milwaukee girl married barber and he turned
out to be baron In disguise
The reason more umbrellas than watermelons
are stolen is thought to be because the thief
doesn't have to plug the umbrella. 1t ls always
ripe.
George has got his pspas fish pole
On this sunny Sabbath day.
His return will be the signal
For woodshed matinee
One city heard from Is satisfied with the new
census Lowell, Mass has larger number Of
inhabitants than anybody living there expected
would be found.
The breezes blow from fairy land, the spring rose
wears Its prettiest tint,
While the doctor patrols the base ball field with
his pockets stuffed with lint.
Garfield is the first man since Adam who started
full grown, An exchange said recently that he
81 began life as a laboring man who worked for
wages"
When an Ohio man gets into the woods for a
couple Of days. on a fishing excursion, the first
question he ssks on his return is Have l been
nominated for any office while was gone2"
And when the breezes blew
Away to the cabin he few
And sought the comfort
That ice water grants
And spilled 1t all over his bran new yachting suit
He went into prominent drug store and said to
the dentist: you pulls out mitout palnH' Ger,
taialy." "What does dat cost1' zone dollar"
"Py shimminy-yO dlnks dat don't hurt none, py
gracious"
There was an old man with gun,
Who thought 1t was mighty good fun
To blaze at the moon
From nlghtfall to noon,
To prevent an eclipse Of the sun,
little girl who was disappointed because
her name could not be found in the Bible says
N~aI III Al. aa
ever another Bible is written my name shall 60
Into IT,"
An old scOtOhmAn attributes the disappearance
Of ghosts from the Scottish Moom to the custom Of
teA'dTinkng at social meetings II requires Scotch
whisky on tn otop Of old ale to enable . man to
see ghost really worth talking about.
young lady, not accustomed to WNlt1lng, at
the earnest solicitation Of friend made the at
tempt In this city recently. When the music
ceased another friend approached and said, gay.
ly: well, see you got through all right" yes"
was the reply, :" but 1t was tight squeeSe."
"Lycurgus," says Plutarch, ordered all public
assemblies to be held In the open air for fear the
statues and ornaments Of the public buildings
should distract attention" Lycurgus was un.
dOubtedly right II the ancient works Of art resem
Dled those in Washington.
One scotchman, afflicted with q very bad cough,
meeting another scOtchmsn, profanely remarked
to him that this s. congh would certainly carry
him off some day like rocket" AYE, aye" OBJ.
served No. O. it's my opinion, however, If you
dinna mend your manners, ye'll TAX a contrary
direction"
What q monotonous life 1t must have been In
Eden without those cheering aphorlsms that now
everywhere brighten up the landscape, making
every rock, tree and fence to bourgeon out into
such sratuitous advice as Purify yourb lood p
Chew Spherical Fine. Cutr' Consumption can
be curedP' &c.
"The course Of true love-" remarked the under.
taker, az he lifted the body Of Romeo, but the
shocked look OF the faces Of the mourners remind
ed him that that was no time for paragraphs 10
he never completed the quotation.
In the British peerase list appear 4OS namel of
which 8 date from the thirteenth century, nom
the fourteenth century II from the fifteenth cen
tury, 20 from the AiKteenth century, 81 from the
seventeenth century, 1l9 from the eighteenth cen
tury and al from the nineteenth century.
He had evidently been dining very much, and
was zlgsagging down Galveston when one gentle.
man remarked to another, as the lnebriate toppled
over into the street:
That fellow reminds me OF deposltor in say.
ings bank"
"How sOH"
Don't you see he has lost his balancef"
Father-Here you have only been married four
weeks and almost every day you come to me with
complaints sboutyour husband. You ought to be |
ashamed Of yourself
Daughter-But he fights me all the time.
Foolish Child Haven't your mother and me |
been fighting every day for thirty years, and |