Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1880-05-11
JOHN CARRIERS SIN.

John Carter was a Christian man by
profession, and in heart too, but he had
been sorely tempted to great sin; it does
not matter to us what il was. In state
of such dependence, such despair of life
and happiness. such deep affection for
Others who suffered with him that he
scarcely cared what he did, and forgot all
things except the present distress and the
offered escape; he did thing that he
knew was wrong and wicked; thing
that would have blasted his reputation
and wrecked his character in all mems
eyes if it were found out. But it was
not found out; it hung about his neck
like a secret milestone after the distress
that tempted him was gone and the sin
done with. There were years when he
could not pray or read his Bible; when
memory brought up to him all the texts
of condemnation and none Of the merci-
ful words of scripture. He said to him.
self that he was another Esau, and could
find no place of repentance. His voice
was never heard in prayer meeting; he
avoided the communion table-framing
some excuse Of illness or making absence
from town necessary at those stated
times; he could not pray by his dying
father, though the pale lips whispered a
request that he should do so. Ths Bit
terness of death compassed him about,
and though he loved his father deeply he
was glad the good old man died before he
knew his sons iniquity.
Time after time the wish rose in his
heart that he could confess to man his
transgressions and be freed from the IN
,olerable burden Of this secret, but this
could not be done without bringing to hi;
family disgrace and grief he had no
right to involve them in. He had, in the
worlds phrase harmed nobody but him
selfby this transaction, since he had come
out of i; without exposure: had been sue
cecsful in covering up an action in itself
criminal, but harmful mos, to himself.
The position was peculiar, and ex.
quisitely painful to man with tender
conscience. for 10 such, sin is misery; and
vet they fall into it as easily as worse
men, as all history assures US. But at
ter q time of heart broken agony and
hopeless penitance, John Carter began tc
find out that God is merciful; he ceaset
to look into his own heart, and fixed hi
eyes upon that Savior who came to save
from sin as we'll as from sins penalty
Humbly and slowly, like a punished child
he crept back into a new religious life
wounded, it is true, crippled to certain
extent, but submissive, repentant, ant
filled with charity for his fellows. H
knew that he could never recover his self
respect, never ferget his fall, but he &C
cepted that as the result of transgression
and said like jeremiah:
Wherefore doth living man com
plain, a man for the punishment Of hi
sim"
All this was within himself; to hi
family and his friends he was only lit
tie graver than usual, as many men be
come grave with increasing years he wa
now a constant attendant at church, CAV
freely to good objects, and kind-hearte
men, implicitly to be trusted, leanin
rather to generosity than to justice.
What he endured in all this time wa
known only to himself and to God; h
conscience tormented him continually;
was by constant recalling Of the prom
ises to repentant sinners that he endure
life. No doubt he knew hundred wh
had sinned as deeply as he had and
successfully concealed their sin, but /
did not know that probably in all tn
hundred not one suffered such agonies {
regret and repentance as he did. I
them the thing was over, done with
their business was to this days work {
duty; they put the past behind them, NJ
because they ought to, but because the
wanted to. But to sensitive moral nj
ture like his this course was imposs
BILE; even though he felt assured that ft
Christ's sake his grievous sin was forgi'
en- above, he could not forget its commi
sion. Day after day he retraced eve
step of his temptation; recalled the hal