The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-02-11
EVERYDAY sPICERIEs.
HONESTY is the best police, see?


A MATTER of course-the lecture.
CANEIBALs don't like to eat coward,
because the bravest are the tenderest.-
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"THIs is high-handed outrage" as
the boy remarked when he found that
bis mother had put the cookies on the
upper shelf
"MY darling,' said he "what a de-
icious taste your lips have" Then she
sprang up and yelled, Goodness, John,
have you been eating my lip salve"
THERE is a county in Texas in which
there is no saloon, and in which a
murder was never committed. Its only
existence is on the map Chicago Times.
YOUNG men, if your girl keeps look
ing at your feet every time she meets
you, don't let it embarrass you in the
least; she Is simply taking your measure
for pair of slippers.
IT has been demonstrated in Paris
that when a man pounds his thumb
with a hammer he is twice as mad as
when be strikes his elbow on the dOoH
frame.-Detroit Free Press.
THE effect of jet on satin is very
elegant Bangor Commercial This dOeS
not refer to q Jet of water.-BOSton Post.
Why notq Watered silk is considered
verv handsome, and when made into
dress, is frequently sat in.
"BULLY" is not an AmericanisIn.
Some of the streets of Paris have been
called Boulevards for long time.-Seth
.Spicer. And yet any New York politician
can post you on the bully wardD.-
NeaO York NeaCs, faI
SOME wise man remarked, "No man
is hurt but by himself" Did that
man ever visit a dentist7 Did he ever
play shinny with a mule? Finally, did
he ever "sass" his wife ?-OI City
Derrick.
JOHN BRIGHT's son is hunting out
West. His aged father Is hunting in
England-fOr ofice.-Free Press. A
good many people down this way are
suffering from Bright's disease.-Rich-
mond Va.) Baton.
A WOMAN who was called as a witness
in an assault case tried in the Edinburgh
police court recently, on being asked
bv the magistrate what was the profes-
sion of her husband, answered, prompt
ly, ''My husband is bankrupt, siRg
he looked as wise as an owl, S9eSA
His tricks were well adjusted
He declined to advertise, you see,
N - 90 IN r Hotel Mail
EBENEzER STONE and his wife Flora,
out West, were divorced not long age
but afterwards they came to an under
standing, were remarked, and are happR
together as far as we know. It was Q
case of Eb and Flo, it would seem; aS
any rate, they are tide now.
ONE of our Boston preachers said
Sunday afternoon: ''The little good
anv of us can do must be done with our
hearts humping against the hearts Of
our fellow man." And every young
woman in church looked at every other
young woman and smiled approVingly.
"MARIA," observed Mr.. Holcomb, as
he was putting on his clothes, "there
ain'tno patch on my breeches yet" "L
can't fix it now, no way. Pm too busy"
''Well, give me the patch then, an I'll
carry it around with me. I don't want
people to think can't afford the cloth. ]"
MATRoN, to her boy, screenings
'Willie, how long are you going to keep
nv toothbrush % "Pm through with
it, nanny; Sallie's using it now"
"TeII SaIlie to bring it here immed1.
ately; that girl won't have any teeth
left if she keeps on scrubbing them. ~
louisville CoUrier-,JOtYnGt.
PRoFEssoR-"What does that expires
sion represent ?" Student-"That is tho
SUM of the moments of the elemental
Professor-"Say it again." Student re-
peats. Professor-''That's it. Pa
going to have you say that over
until I impress it on your mind as they
brand y. S. on mule.-ActG Columbian.
THEY met, twas on the street
.'Oh! such bOnnetl" thought the one
The other thought; What feetp'
Yet they did talk
Together walk