The Portland daily press., 1880-03-22
Cap and Bells.

Cap and Bells.
When the sad and weary editor isn't editing,
| Then he listens to the sanetum bores a-buzzing,
| And a-taking of the weather and the crops,
Puck: Cautionary signals-Third finger
rings.
Wheeling Sunday Leader: A hoarse shoe
never brings good luck to foraging hen.
Philadelphia Bulletin: When David Daviss
boom isn't booming, it loves to lie a-basking in
the Sun.
New York News: "Deer at any price''
yelled the hungry traveller, who ordered veni-
son for dinner.
| New York Express: always room for one
more inside,' is what the fox said to the
chicken. 1t was harmonious fox.
| 1t is gratifying thought that the inventor
| of the "15" puzzle was such a fool as not to
| make any money from its prOduc ton.
| The most difficult thing to raise on the farm
| is the hired man who sleeps in the kitchen
| loft.
| Philadelphia Bulletin: Tilden is not the
man who fills the bill" of the Democratic
party, but he foots it, and that is about the
same thing.
An exchange praises very large egg which
| it says was "laid on our table by the Rev. DIR.
| Smith" Brother Smith seems to be layman
| as well as preacher.
You do not like to make calls" said an un-
| Gle to his nephew. But you must make calls"
| he continued, ''for there's always pleasure de-
| rived-if not when you enter, at least when
| you come out"
Elderly gentleman to q Freshman on the
| train: "You don't have any ticket?" 'No,
| travel on my good looks" "Then," after
looking him over, probably you amt goin'
| very far
Professor: "Will you mention some liquid
that is lighter than water!' Junior: calico
| hol." Professor: "Can you mention any 9TH
| er with which you are familiar" Junior inn
mediately searches for club.
| Parent Ito dissolute son who had been maxi
| ing calls)-"It's shame you should go ON so.
Be a man and keep sober, and you may make
n.
morn that now can write my name"
Boston Post: Talk about the sincerity of
| poets! Tennyson thinks there's nothing so
| good as American navy plug tobacco, and yet
he writes his poems about modest violets and
| blushing roses. When has he ever hauled out
| an ode to navy plug?
| Norristown Herald: "Two sisters of Glas-
| gov got mad at plumber and threw him out
| of the fifth-story window" But he got even
with the sisters. He charged them double
| time from the minute he left the window until
| he struck the sidewalk
| Rochester Democrat: A good, motherly
| hen, who has worked hard all her life, con-
| scientiously and faithfully, would be paralyzed
| with wonder and discouragement if she could
| look in the store windows, and see some of the
| Easter eggs that are on exhibition.
A Denver paper tells of two men who had
bet each $5 that his boy could jump higher
| than the other, and the man who. without
warning the lad, dropped hornet down his
sons back when the word was given, won the
| bet.
The editor of the Sauquoit IN. W Register
4
! suggests that persons sending in big eggs will
please accompany them by several ordinary
sized ones, not for publication, but so that the
| contrast will be apparent, and as a guaranty
| of good faith.
Philadelphia Times: No New York news
paper is now complete without puzzle editor.
| And he has to have his brain half-soled once
| day. With fair treatment and prompt atten-
| tion to repairs good puzzle editor will last
| week.
| Manville TO his widowed friend Chasuble,
| who has views on arD: SIS it true that you've
broken off with Sir Henrys daughter" Chas-
uble "Alas yes, was forced to, although
she is charming woman" Manville "Why?'
| Chasuble: "Incompatibility of complexion.
| She does not suit my furniture"
| 1t seems to be no use to try to shut off this
sort of thing:
When the enterprsing poet isn't writing, e.
Isn't writing
Some melancholy verses about love,
About love,
: Be indting,
| sonnet on the whiteness of the dove,
| OF the dove.
When the young and tender schoolgirl isn't think
| ing,
| Isn't thinking,
| OF the time when she will be allowed to vote,
! - Lowed to vote,
| The chances that she Is coyly blinking,
| Coyly blinking,
| At,some young man in a zebra oyercoat,
| Overcoat.