The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-12-10
Gke G8telliQenfet.
A MERRY MOURNER.
a Llvely pemoeralis ranoral orallo

----r----'
A Lively democrats Funeral OranOn.
The Republicans of ClGrinda, Page
county, Iowa, had a Publication meeting
on Friday night, the 9th inst. According
to tho Council Bluffs Nonparta they had
the biggest kind Of time with illumina.
tions, fireworks, music, and speechifyiug.
After several Republican orators, among
them Copgressman:elect Hepburn, had
given vent to their feelings with spread.
eagle speeches, the crowd called loudly
for Lou B. Cake. Cake is Democrat, Gnd
the Nonparal says he looked too depressed
to speak, but the crowd wouldn't be put
of, SO he mounted q box and made the
following unique speech:
Fellow CITIZENS: A man usually at.
tends his own funeral, but it Is not ex.
pected that he should talk great deal.
Laughter Tknew the funeral ceremo.
nies would 90 on without me, go con-
cluded l had better bring in the body.
Laughter. But 1t takes . great deal Of
grace to sustain man who helps furnish
the corpse for an occasion like this.
rLauRhler.1 Nobody but Democrat
could do It. Applause 1t Is certain
that no one save the Democrats have had
q chance to Try 1t on for the last twenty
years. [shouts Of applause DisaP.
pointment Is the modern Democrats
birthright, and mourning his normal con.
dition. They took out patent on disas-
ter twenty years ago, and 1t has never
been inffnged. The patent run out In
1873 and they have Just got 1t renewed.
Looking over the landscape OF the last
twenty years, ! behold acres and acres Of
busted hopes, cords and cords OF dis.
vruntled ambition, barrels and barrels Of
uuayailirg tears, oceans and oceans strewn
With the wrecks OF phantom ships once
bnrdened with Democratic decisions.
rGreat applause.l Disappointment is an
anchor to the Democratic soul, both sure
and steadfast
Leaves have their time 10 fail,
Aud nOWtrs 10 EiIher At the north wind's breath,
thou hat ali times for thin own death.
might say with shylock, "suffersuce,
yea, suffer ance Is the badge OF our tribe. !"
could give you 500 reasons for this.
Laughter Alswyer offered judge six.
ieen reasons why his client was not pres
emit in Court. First, he was dead. The
Judge told him he might omit the other
fifteen. The first reason OF my S29 Is, we
lacked the votes. You will allow me to
omit the other 1928 Applausiye consent ]
But l could give you more than S29 reas.
ons. Yea, Morey letter. John Kelley did
1t with his little racket. Great applause.
Wade Hampson's mule broke his leg In
stead OF his neck, and Ben Hill wasn't
norm mute. English had foreclosed his
mortgages and We couldn't redeem. Then
tTisths South thatc,n supply
Eohd comforts whiie We die.
In some States the Greenback party fell
through crack in their platform and
crippled us. Laughter But Democracy
Till lives. Threat applause It's like the
mule-it never dies. But unfortunately.
ike the mule, while it lives 1t is forever
hrowing It's rider.
1t bucked Greeley of and killed him In
1872. Tilden stuck on until he passed
nnder the wire. Applause But there
was SO much daylight between him and
this Democratic quadruped the judges
counted him of, although he had his loot
in the stirrups. This year We got a splen'
did sendoff and might have won, but the
donkey was stricken down in Indiana
with (9) Lauders. Applause We close
this chapter OF the story with the hope
that the story will not be continued
in our next. [Cheersl We accept defeat
the more cheerfully because OF the meg-
nanimous manner with which you take
victory. We take it every four years. |.
is standing prescription. 1t might well
be called the quadrennisl ipecac [Groans.l
It works up before the election and wor. s
down when the returns come in. We
thank you for the magnanimous way in
which Won have turned out to our funeral.
| Applause We congratulate you on the
magnificent and imposing character Of the
obsequies. Here the speakers feelings
overcsme him. and he retired amid en-.
couaeipg earthquakesand applausive av-
alanches.