Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-06-07

Some admiring poet said of his best
girl, Upon her face thousand dimples
smile for me-" Which only adds more
emphasis to the adage "Love is blind"
How like the mischief a girl must look
with a thousand dimples on her face.
The poet must have meant freckles.
The following testimonial of certain
patent medicine speaks for itself: "Dear
Sir,-Two months ago my wife could
scarcely speak. She has taken two bot
ties of your Life Preserver,' and now
she can't speak at all. Please send me
two more bottles. wouldn't be with
out it."
"But pass" said minister recent
ly, in dismissing one theme of his sub
ject to take up another. "Then l make
it spades" yelled a man from the gal
lery, who was dreaming the happy hours
away in an imaginary game of euchre.
1t is needless to say that he went out on
the next deal, assisted by one of the
deacons with a handful of clubs.
A Dutchman once met an Irishman
on lonely highway. AS they met,
each one smiled, thinking he knew the
other. Pat, on seeing his mistake, re-
marked, with look of disappointment ::
"Faith, an | thought it was you, and
you thought it was me, an its naythur
of US" The Dutchman replied: "Yaw,
das is dhru; l am anuder man and you
is not yourself; we pc poth some other
podies."
Norman Mcleod was once preaching
in district in Ayrshire where the read
ing of sermon was regarded as the
greatest fault of which the minister
could be guilty. When the congregation
dispersed, an old woman, overfowing
with enthusiasm, addressed her neigh
bor: "Did ye ever hear onything sac
gran? Wasna that a sermon?" "Oh,
ay," replied her friend, sulkily, "but he
read il" "Read it % said the other,
with indignant emphasis 81 wadna hae
cared if he had whustled it,
When James T. Brady first opened a
lawyers office in New York, he took a
basement room, which had previously
been occupied by cobbler. He was
somewhat annoyed by the previous occu-
pants callers, and irritated by the fact
that he had few of his own. One day
an Irishman entered. 1.-The cobbler's
gone, see," he said. 81 should think
he had" tartly responded Brady. "And
what do you sell ?" he said, looking at
the solitary table and a few law books.
"Blockheads, " responded Brady. "Be
gorra," said the Irishman, ''ye must be
doing mighty fine business-ye hain't
got but one left"
Of the late Bishop Ames the following
anecdote is related: While presiding
over a certain conference in the west q
member began TRADE against universe
ties, education, etc., thanking God thai
he had never been corrupted by contact
with college. After proceeding thus
for few minutes, the bishop interrupt
ed him with the question, "Do | under
| ohohu buoO buO UlO0ucE tudukS OOu lOl
his ignorance ?" "Well, yes," was the
answer; "yOu can put it that way, il
you want to-" 'Well, all | have tt
say" said the bishop. in his sweet, mus
ical tones, sis that the brother has
great deal to thank God for.'
AS a woman in Whitehall township
Lehigh county, Philadelphia, was scold
ing her children, the neighbors, hirec
girl and everybody in general, her hus
band entered and interposed a milo
word. She opened her mouth for al
angry reply. but spasm contracted he
cheek, her lower jaw fell, and she coulc
neither speak nor shut her mouth he
tongue hung out, and her eyes nearl,
started out of their sockets she hat
dislocated her jaw bone in her violen
effort to make singing reply to he
husband. A surgeon was called, VIII
reduced the dislocation, bound up he
head and prescribed quiet diet.