Litchfield enquirer. [volume] (Litchfield, Conn.) 1829-current, 1880-12-30

''That was a witty man who, being detained
by snow blockade. penned despatch which
ran Thus: ''My dear sir have every motive
for visiting you except locomotive" So wa
The other who in similar circumstance, tele-
graphed to his firm in New York: II shall not
be in the office to-day, as have not got home
yesterday yet"
Fitting emblems are not always apprec-
ateH TIE neighbors of poor fellow who
died erected a tombstone to his memory and
had placed above it the conventional white
dove. The didow looked at it through her
tears, and said: at is very thoughtful to
put it there. John was very fond of cunning,
and it is an especially suitable emblem"
Sarah Bernhardt's luck is extraordinary. A
great number of clergymen of different de-
nominations denounced her from Montreal
pulpits OH Sunday. She could have afforded
to pay them hundred dollars each for adver-
Using her, but they did il for nothing. AS if
the ministers were not enough, the city coun-
Gil will prohibit her playing on Christmas
day.
Minister to Rory-"Why weren't you at
hekFk on Sanday?" Rory-''I was at Mr..
Duh1op's kirk." Minster-''I don't like your
running about the strange kinks in that way
not that object tae yer hearing Mr. Dunlop. :;
hut I'm sure We wadna like yer ain sheep
straying away into strange pastures. Rory
II wadna care grain, sir, if 1t were better
grass"
A gentleman was setting out young orange
trees in tie front ward of his residence on
Galveston avenue, when old Nose strolled I'D
and looked over the fence. swell, Nose,
I'm going to have oranges of my own to eat
after while " said the gentleman. "You
means you will hab oranges to suck, bekase,
by de time dem trees bear oranges you amt
gwine to have no teef In yer head to bite
muffin wild" ...
sHs was great bqrea and. was talking to
cFoWds&bout thu conidg local election Said
s y, 4. SIC isla gssoa msn y is capable,
make the very kind of an officer we need He
once saved my life from drowning" "Do
you really want to see Jones elected ?" said a
solemn-faced old man. II do, indeed I'd
do anything to see him elected" Then new
er let anybody know he saved your life." The
meeting then adjourned
Cock3urn was once counsellor the plaintiff !;
Mr.. B. was for the defendant. Cockburn
called witness and proceeded to examine
him. Il understand" he said," that you
called on the plaintiff, Mr.. Jones. Isthat SO p"
EYES," replied the man. "Wbat did he
say?" demanded Cockburn. Mr.. B.
promptly rose and objected. The con-
veesation could not be admitted asevi-
dence. But Cockburn persisted and Mr. B.
thefenpen appealed to the Judges, who, after
a time, retired to consider the point They
were absent for nearly half an hour, and when
they returned they announced that Mr.. Cock
burn might put his question. swell, what
did he say ?"saskef1 the counsel. she wasn't
at home!" replied the witness, without NOV
ing a muscle
Parson s., of Connecticut, one day had a
man ploughing in his field, and wentsout to
see how the work was getting on. The ground
was very stony, and every time the plough
struck a stone the man took occasion to swear
little. 'Look here" cried Parson s. ''you
must not swear in that way in my field ="
"Well l reckon you'd swear, too" said the
man, ''if you had to plough stony field like
this" 'Just let me show you, said the par
son, taking hold of the plough. He soon had
considerable trouble with the stones, and as
one after another caught the ploughshare. Mr..
Sejaculafed. wv ell, Aspeyer saw tie like 7"
And thishe repeated &Reryafime Stone stop
ped@his onward way. As soon as he had
ploughed around once, he stopped and said to
tl,e man. "There now! You.see can plough
without swearing. : "But d gaess it's pretty
near as bad to lie, )" answered. the man; "and
you told dozens O lies. Every time the
plough struck a stone you said, I never saw
the like, when the same thing had happened
only minute before ="