Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-04-23
FACTS AND FANOIES.

A household with baby is founded on
rock. New Haven Register.
They've at last found use for Alaska. 1t
is to furnish job for census taker.-[ Bos-
ton Post.
Song of the coin clippers "Punch,
brothers, punch with care; punch hole
in the trade dollaire."
Where, asks a Boston poet. sis Emma
gone?" Perhaps she's gone out to see an
other whoa man. Commercial Advertiser.
When the big elephants heard that a
baby elephant had been born unto Phila-
delphia, they all went off on big trunk.
Commercial Advertiser.
Years ago, according to tradition, Gin
cinnati was credited with the following
regulation No whistling around sausage
stands. u Yonkers Gazette.
Suggestion by the Danbury Neaos :
"When you have got through using your
puzzles give them to the poor We must
get rid of the poor some way"
Gle? Well, 1 guess he does lie, said
his naighbor Jones. "Why, he's so fond
of lying that he won't let clock strike
right in his house. Rochester Express.
Elderly gentleman to Freshman on the
train: "You don't have any ticket ?"
"No, 1 travel on my good looks, "Then, {"
after looking him over, probably you amt
goin' very far"
This is the way the married editor sums
up Lent 1.-The hen which lays the Easter
egg is great bird, but it takes the goose
which lays the golden egg to bring Easter
bonnets. III Rochester Democrat.
Don't try to break down mans claim
to fame A Western man willing to fatter
told Eli Perkins that he didn't consider
him liar, and Eli threw the fellow down
four flights of stairs. Il Boston Post.
"Did the rebs help you any in your re-
treat p asked Johnsonbury somewhat quiz
zingly. "Well," replied the veteran,
while suspicion of a smile rippled around
his mouth, 81 must admit they gave us
few points. u Boston Transcript.
"Unless you give me aid, said beggar
to benevolent lady, 81 am afraid shall
have to resort to something which [ greatly
dislike to do" The lady handed him
dollar, and compassionately asked him ::
"What is it, poor man, that | have saved
you from?" Work, was the mournful
answer.
A man butchered his family in London
few days ago, and a woman locked her
three children in room and set fire to the
place. The English "Salvation Army"
escaped these terrible scenes by coming to
New York to convert the city officials.
Probably, says the Norristown Herald,
they were overworked at home, and came
to this country for rest.
In an Amsterdam churchyard is grave
with the epitaph ''Effen Ny" or exactly"
under pair OF slippers. 1t is that of a
rich old man, who, believing he would
only live a certain number of years, di-
vided out his fortune into yearly install
ments, determined to have a good time.
He calculated about right, and when he
was dying he paid all his debts and found
that he had nothing left bet pair of
slippers.
A candidate for the nomination for Gov
ernor of Missouri is down with the measles,
caught in kissing the girl baby of a dele
gate to the convention. And serves him
right The man Tor woman) who will kiss
baby, save in response to that baby's re-
quest, it were base hattery to call dis
tributor of disease. The fact that this
man was candidate is so much in his
favor, but we can't feel sorry that he got
the measles.
A girl at Washington, Ind, was disliked
by her lovers family, and so they did their
courtship out of doors. The weather being
cold on an evening that they met, they
built fire of brushwood and sat down by
it. The girls clothes took fire and she
screamed. The fellow might easily have
put out the flames, but he feared that her
cry would be heard by his parents and so
expose his disobedience, therefore he ran
away and left her to be burned to death.
A lady in Sangamon county sends in a
communication, beginning: Do you not
often look back into the dim vista of by
gone years with a feeling of regret at
wasted opportunities that causes tugging
at the heart-strings ?" You're talking
About once week we take look back
into the old vista as far back as 1876, when
the White Stockings won the champion
ship, and think of the games we let 60 by
without betting cent. 0 memory,
memory Bitter. indeed, is thy sting =
Darlington Hawkeye.
ooh, dear l feel so tired, sighed Mrs.
Hickenlooper, as she sank into chair.
"Well, l should think you would be, .
growled Mr.. Hickenlooper, as he put on
his coat to go out, you tramped around
more'n seven miles this afternoon making
your silly calls. l shouldn't call myself
half bright if l did such thing" And
/ then he went down the street and walked
nine miles around billiard table poking
/ ivory marbles with a stick at 25 cents an
hour, and she thought how hard he had to
work at his business, poor man, when he
came home at pidnight and dragged his
are just like that.