The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-12-09
He Couldn't Help It.

nified citizen was looking through the
third-story window of block ON Jeffer-
son avenue, which he had thoughts OF
renting, when the idea suddenly struck
him to look into the alley III the rear.
He raised the sash of window and
peered out upon ash boxes, coal scuttles
and barrels of straw without number, and
was about to close his observations when
the sash came down with thud and
struck him behind the shoulders In his
fright he fell to his knees, and while the
solid half of his body was all right the
lighter was over the window sill. In ad-
dition to the weight of the sash any
movement of the body was accompanied
by pain The sash could not be reached
with his hands freely enough to lift it,
and it soon occurred to the prominent
citizen that he ought to have help. He
could not expect it from behind. for he
was alone in the store, but as he looked
down into the alley boy came stumping
along to find something worth Juggling
away.
"Hello. boyI hello'!" called the citi-
"Hello yourself l' cried the boy as he
looked up.
"Say, boy, come under the window
here; I want to speak to you"
Not much, yer DON'T" chuckled the
gamin. "You can't drop no coal scuttles
on my head"
"But don't mean to-
"Mebbe not, but you've got a bad face
on you for all that. When did you get
out of the iug?"
"Boy, WANT your help" s-
$50 does your aunt /! Don't get me
to stand in with no such duffer as you
arer' s.-.--
II am caught in this window and want
to get out" t4
$50 would Il Been prospecting for
old junk, eh? You'll get six months for
that y
If you'll come up stairs and help me
out I'll give you dollar r
GA dollar You can't play no dollar
store on me, old man! If you make up
another face like that at me I'll hit you
in the eye with this old lemon. 1 don't
look starched up, but don't let any man
insult me all the same"
"Don't you know who amp" softly
asked the citizen.
"Naw, don't; but I'll bet the perlece
do! You've got one of the hardest mugs
on you ever saw, and I've good mind
to give you one just for luck Look out
now"
He made as if he would throw, and
the citizen lodged. This was such fun
for the boy that he kept it up for three
or four minutes, and the offer of So had
no effect on him. Then he gathered six
or eight old lemons and oranges together
and said:
81 believe you are the boss hyena who
knocked dad down at the caucus, and
I'm going to drive your nose back ex-
actly an inch"
"H you throw at me I'll call the po-
lice p exclaimed the citizen.
"The sooner ye call the sooner yen
be jugged Here's to hit you square on
the nose !"
The opening of the back door of q
store and the appearance of man dis
struck the citizens hat instead of his
nose. His yells brought climax, but
the air was full of tropical fruit even as
the boy busted down the alley and turned
q corner.
The boy couldn't help acting that way.
He was born SO. He wouldn't have been
leased the man. He didn't have fair
chance with his spoiled lemons, but boys
soon get over disappointments.-Detr0it
Free Press. ~
A Lime.Kiln Club Episode.
The question before the Club was:
i" Is person who has police whistle in
his pocket any safer than q man who can
jump six-ral fence?" cat de fust
glance dat seems an Uneasy conundrum,
II gI,,,k rx,l,1
cum to ponder on it you mus see dat de
jumper can't allus fin fence to jump.
He may jump agin house, or tree, or
a hedge. An may jump ober fence to
escape robbers only to be tackled by q
wolf-trap or a bulldog. If you have a
purleece whistle, an de purleece hev
time to answer a call, an you lay de
whistle down an tackle de pusson an
hold him fast till de officer arroves, it am
better dan iumpin', but de chances am
dat de Judge will let de man off an hint
dat you didn't hev case 'nuff to hang q
hat on. Seems to me, considerin' all
circumference, dat it am bes' to take q
street kyar fu,. as ye kin an put in some
tall runnin' de balance of de way"
"De President doubtless meant to say
circumstances instead of circumference"
remarked the Rev. Penstock rs he grace
fully Strengthened his spinal column.
"Brudder Penstock, dis char wants it
distinctly understood dat when it says
circnmferences it doan' mean muffin
else!' ...s-.f -.-.....-
"Some folks would have said circum-
stances" added the Reverend, as he sat
down. "An' some folks might have
said sassage, but didn't Detroit Free
Press.
An Eye Fountain.
The eyesight of the Gar is said to
have greatly improved by simple rem
edy, consisting of glaznoi douche, or
eye fountain, throwing tiny jet of deli
cate spray yard and half into the air.