South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-06-11
w I T A N d HU MO R.

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Chowder got good dinner ut home a
few days ago by telling his wife that he
was going to bring n judge home with
him to that meal. When he arrived a.
lone and Mrs. @. asked him where the
Judge was, he triumphantly pointed TO
himself, remarking, I'm a good Judge
OF dinner" He will be obliged to cook
up dinner IN some other way hereafter
"Do you see that spring over there p
said settler in Arkansas to stranger
well, that's an iron spring, that is !;
and it's so mighty powerful that the far
mer's horses about here that drink the
water of it never have to be shod. The
shoes just grow on their feet naturally"
How HAROLD MIXED THINas.-1he
Trey On. Y Times has the following (:
Little Harold, five years old, became an.
CRY with his mother u day or two ago.
lie told her he did not love her, aud
wished she would so away. At last he
said: Mamma, am going to kill bull
next fall, and [ won't let you have bit
of dried beef or fresh meat or corned
beef l won't give you any of it" At
night when undressing him she said.
Harold, do you think you did right get.
ting so angry with mamma ?" He made
no reply, but kneeing by her side to say
his little prayer, BIO began in very hur.
ried way, Nov lay me down to sleep,
pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if
l should die before | wake, l pray the
Lord my soul to take. Mamma, you
can have the bull. God bless papa, nam.
ma, Clifton and the baby. For Jesus
sake, Amen" Getting up from his
knees he added mamma, you can
have every bit of that bull
II don't mean to reflect on YOU" said
one man to another. "No," was the re-
ply; you're not polished enough to re-
fleet upon anybody"
There was time when Western can.
didatos secured nominations by kissing
babies, but now they can kiss n whole
family and the dog besides and be left
out in the cold If they are not on the
right ticket. Detroit Free Press.
A little boy of four years was sleep
ing with his brother, when his mother
SAID :"Why. Tommy, you are lying RIGHT
in the middle of the bed; what will
Harry do ?" "Well. ma" he replied,
"TIarry's got both sides"
A little boy being told by his mother
TO take powder she had prepared for
him, Powder, powder !" said he, put.
ting on a roguish smile, mother, amt !
u gun !"
As an innocent looking old man was
going up Washington street q truckman |
nodded at him and asked, want q I
truck, mister 2" moo, | guess not" /
replied the old man I'm too fur from |
home, and can't pay freight on it, Much |
oblecged, though. New York is pow
crful nice town A fellow back there |
asked me if 7 didn't want a coat ano- |
Their inquired if I wanted n hack. and |
now YOU offer me a truck. | wish liv- |.
ed here
The little colored school boy Of Gcor- |
gia have a new game during play spell |
They beat the bushes with sticks, and |
when they arc asked what they arc do |
ing They say they are playing revenue
mon hunting Tor Ticker"
Don't borrow your noiglbor's news. |
paper. Like q tooth brush, every man
wants his own.
a lady in Lansingburg says that her
grandmother full name was France
Caroline Maria Van Raedcr Van Raes
Van Outzorn Van Bran Van Helsdin-
ger. All those good old simple timct.
Uourtship g o novel marriage q his.
tory.
Whisky Is on anlidoto for snake bites,
and when q Texas man sits down on a
prickly pear. all the arguments on earth
won't persuade him that a snake didn't
bite him.
The Yoba'c Bolt Co.. MorshaH, Mich.
Will send their celebrated Electro-voltaic
Belt TO the afflicted up0n 20 days trial. Spec.
dy cures guaranteed They mrsn what they
say Wdie 90 them without delay March