The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-04-30
FunmygraplAs.

THE bell of the kitchen-The dinner
bell.
OUGHT woman to kiss tobacco
chewer? Yes, if she chews.
PARLoR Misunderstanding in the
drawing-room.
ONLY nine counties in Texas are with
out newspapers.
A UTAH wedding paragraph says the
bride was logged out in white gauze.
LITTLE Carrie G. said she liked
sea-bathing, "only her mouth leaked
and let in the salt water"
SAN FRANoIsoo has shipped 100, 900
gallons of wine to Germany, the first
shipment of the kind ever made.
A YOUNG lady was asked recently which
she preferred of two brothers. She re-
sponded: "When 1 am with either of
them, prefer the other"
MISTRESS" Bridget, didn't you hear
me call ?" Bridget" Yis, mum but
We towld me the other day niver to an
swer we back-and didn't"
"IsN'T that your friend, Nine S., who
is dancing there?" Eyes" "That's a
frightfully ill-made dress she has on.
Yes, but if it wasn't it wouldn't fit
her.
How DOTH the little busy bee?
Oh, as well as can be expected under the
circumstances. We have just mashed
him for unfolding his interest-sting tail,
ding bat him
"TO CALCULATE the entire cost of
trip to the top of Mt. Washington you
have merely to summit up" remarks
witty individual. We presume, how
ever, it would answer the same purpose
to foot it up.
Miss JENNIE V. STANTON, M. d., is
lecturing in New York towns on "What
Shall We Do with Our Daughters 2"
First, get your daughters, Jennie. No
woman can do an, thing with her daugh-
ters until she has few.
! A REPEATER tried to vote for dead
man in San Francisco, and little Irish
man objected. "On what ground ?" said
| the Judge. Because, begorra," said
Pat, "the man died in the Fourth ward,
and we are after voting him in the Third. "
! IT is said that the scorpion, when sur
rounded by circuit of fire, turns and
stings itself to death. Probably it feels
something like the young man after he
| is Tilted, and whose only ambition is to
get out under the silent stars and kick
| himself over IL fence.
THE season for "greens" has come, ha ha!
With sasses and vegetable truck;
The festive cucumber will bid Us ta-ta,
And to his spring work will buck
The lively small boy will keep eye
The place summer mischief to hatch,
Biding his time the war-paint 10 don
And sicken the musk-melon patch.
"WHAT do You ask for that article p"
asked an old gentleman of pretty shop
girl. Five dollars" Amt You a
little dear?" "Why," she replied, all
the young men tell me so" The old
gentleman looked as if he thought he
had been misunderstood.
An exchange has an article on the
"Curiosities of Courtship" One of the
culiosities of courtship, which the author
forgot to mention, is when the girls
father shakes you by the hand and says
he lis glad to see you. 1t is curious be-
cause it rarely happens.
AFTER family prayer, few evenings
since, says an exchange, little boy
asked Mamma, how can God hear
folks pray when He's so far away ?" Be-
fore the lady could frame suitable re-
ply, sunny-faced little miss of five
summers vehemently said: "I'n jes'
bet He's dot telephones a-runnin' to ev-
cry place.
AT school some time since boy was
reciting a poem referring to some an
cient mariner who insists upon living by
the seaside because he cannot dwell be-
You'd old oceans roar but, unfortunate
ly, "grim palsy holds him to his bed"
"What is grim palsy ?" cried the school
master, interrupting the boy. "Grim
palsy, sir please, sir, it's his wife, SIR"
answered the boy.
The Trick Marc