The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-08-10
MISCELLANEOUS.


Full many gem of spurious ray serene
The spotless shirts Of hotel clerks do bearl
Full many simple, ignorant sardine
Believes them purest stones of value rare!
And that's where they're fooled
ladies and gentlemenn," said an Irish
manager to his audience of three, las there
is nobody here, I'll dismiss you all. The
performance of this night will not be per-
formed, but will be repeated tomorrow
evening.
Boston Herald; "The New York Times
accounts for the curious moral phenomenon
that all trout fishers are liars by the fact
that people who put on woollen shirts and
go into the woods lapse into barbarism, in
which all men become romaneers natural
ly,"
A young lady remarked that she should
like to have bicycles so arranged that she
and her beau could both ride. Being ask
ed where her fellow should sit, she emphat-
ically remarked. "On the little wheel be.
hind, of course" And still the young men
go on marrying.
Girls, when your mothers attempt to give
you tatfy by coaxing you to learn to cook,
think of that young lady of Chicago who
took cooking lessons, and the night before
she was to be married fried soft she'll Grabs
for her Adolphus. The hot fat spattered
into her face, and she had to be painted be-
fore she could be married.
A DR.. Eldridge of Lewiston, Ne, pro-
poses to fast forty days. He claims that he
can subsist on magnetism to be drawn from
those who have full stomachs. This may
be the secret of Tanners foodless grip on
life. Shaking hands with a man who has
been to dinner is regarded as hearty meal
by the new phllosophers.-N. 0. Pic.
Love laughs at breakers. A blooming
daughter at st. Augustine was married to
her disguised lover in the surf the other
day. The indignant parent had neglected
him; but man, maiden and minister all
"scootched down. in the water up to their
necks, and the ceremony was performed
before the l. p. on the beach recognized
one of them
Father, l really must have a new
muslin dress for this summer" "Annie,
dear, would like to get you one if I could
afford it; but 1t costs S. every time it is
done up, and you will have to wear your
silks, am afraid" ut is expensive, faith
er, admit, but Charley thinks it is awful
ly cheap, and never shall catch him unless
l play economy Don't you see it will pay
in the end?'
A card has been distributed in our
streets headed 1.-TWO Roads," and convey
ing the information that the broad road
leads to death, misery, hell, while the
narrow road leads to life, happiness and
heaven, One of them recently came into
the hands of wicked wag who Endorsed
upon it, "Since this card was printed
both roads have been consolidated.
"This is nice time of night for you to
be coming in,' said mother to her daugh-
ter, who returned from walk at 10 o'clock.
"When | was like you continued she, "My
mother would not allow me out later than Z
o'clock" ooh, you had a nice sort of
" murmured the girl. 81 had, you
young Jade" said the mother, "a nicer
mother than ever you had"
It's just lovely + sleep In the country
these fine mornings, withaa gobbler COB
bling under your window, and a calf bel
lowing like concert-saloon baritone on
one side Of the house, while COW, his
mother, is hallowing mezzo soprano on the
other, and roosters are growing, and the
milkmaid is playing the tambourins with
The bottomof the milk pail and drivers arc