The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-11-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Sold NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Sheer cruelty--Clipping sheep.
Song of the mouse-HeSr me knaw, ma.
"Missn Sarah Barnhardt has arrived in New
York. accompanied by her Oldest son.
The vice that often pinches the closest is good
advice.
And now Lady Godiva Is said to be myth-a
bare falsehood, as 1t were.
Chestnuts don't have wings but are sort OF
burred-like.
II 10 the man with lottery ticket that looks
ont for the number won.
Jones says, among the royal people he met on
his late visit to Europe were four kings up an
opponents sleeve at the card table.
The Oregon Reporter laments scarcity OF
onions aud consequent extra expense the local
bellies are put to buy drug shop periumery.
''By this sign we conquer" was the inscription
On q republican banner in procession in inte-
rior New York last Saturday. The Sign" under
the legend was huge mark.
The bobtailed horse spends his whole exist
euce In lamenting his lack Of terminal facilities.
The Danbury Ne,ns man never becomes dis
Outraged when he is eating piece OF tough
veal, but is thankful he met with it while it was
young.
When the sheriff arrested the girl he had to
halter. Whoa Wheeling Ledder. When he asked
her If she WAS married, she said "No, sircingle."
The first mayor Of Leadvile showed his ap-
probation OF the majesty OF the OCCASION" by
Issuing, as his first Official act, the following
proclamation: "Whocver shall steal boss
shall be hung pur order of the mare"
The door plates of three houses standing side
by side at the South End Boston, read, says the
C~s~ier of that city, as follows 'Goodman,
Kneeland, Pray"
The following item occurs In New York law
yer's bill: "To waking up at night and think
ing of your case, five dollars"
A Tennessee mountain girl who went AS u SER
want to a household in Knoxville said that she
had been converted, aud, as evidence, said shat
she now swept underneath the rugs.
An exchange states, as somewhat remarkable,
that woman in Brooklyn sees with her bngcrs
That's nothing; pickpockcts seize with their
fingers -
Vow that the election is over our stump speak
ers are chewing green persmnons and alun to
shrink their mouths into their natural shapes.
An insignificant little barrclhoop lying upon
the sidewalk has been known to yank man
right out of the bosom of the church and hurl
him into the ranks OF backsliders.
"Kings Have Metz Is the title Of Mr.. Archi- I
bald Forbess lecture. Some day Mr. Forbes |
will come across three kings aud pair Of sew.
he wi Lear q
resources of this country.-Worh.
Everybody is looking at Rhode Island" re-
marks the editor of the Providence Dispatch in
the course Of ar editorial on "The Duty Of the
Hour" This explains the recent advance in the
price OF microscopes.
"A Lover of Poetry" wants to know the origin
and meaning Of the lines:
And DER the hills, and far away,
Beyond their utmost purple rim,
Beyond the night, across the day,
Through all the world she followed him.
They are to be found In "The Passing Of Ar
thur" by Tennyson, but as to what they mean
there has long been difference Of opinion |
among literary men. The generally accepted |
theory however, Is that Arthur failed to settle |
with his laundress, the result being the steeple- |
chase so beautifully described above Chicago |
TINS.
oy pcoIRc, tuat huSt oc ~.
He stood on his head by the wild seashorc
And danced on his hands jig,
In all his emotions, as never before,
wildly hilarious grig.
And why? In that ship just crossing the bay
His mother.in. law had sailed
For tropical country fur away,
Where tigers and fever prevailed.
OH now he might hope for u peaceful life
And even be happy yet,
Though owning no end Of neuralgia wife
And up To his collar in debt.
A military band had bandmaster whose
name betrayed his Hibernian origin. He had
his own Interpretation OF the Italian marks Of
expression on the music. One day he shouted
10 one Of his musicians: "YeZ have bit of a
little solo there; shove 1t Out" The individual
so addressed answered In a low tone: "My part
is marked PIP; Mr.. O'Rorke" "To be sure"
answered ORorkc, ZIP means purity powerful"
Playing the initials Of the railway companies
exercises the ingenuity Of "the boys" every
where. Noting an item In one Of the recent
issues referring TO the b. IL s. Ry as the Brandy
and Soda Water line, subscriber sends few
more Of the same sort. He writes:
81 have heard the p. +. W. Il c. called Pigs
Feet, Whisky ~ Cigars C. c. Il /. G. Coffee
Cake & Ice Cream C. b. & O. Cheapest, Best
X Quickest"
No doubt every railway man can add his con
tribution TO the stock of funny names.-Ro1,My
4ge.
THE FALSE ORLANDO.
While stars are twinkling bright above,
Aud Luna sings in Western sleeps
Her lonely watch feir Cynthia keeps
And broods upon her maiden love.
Heaven help thee ia thy pteous plight,
Cynthia, fair as summer skies
Compose thy sorrow, wipe thine eyes
Orlander will not come tonight.
For in the midnights solemn hush
He breathcs q VOW that smells of wine
He holds hand that is not thine,
And dallies with bob.tailed flush
-FUgene Field. |