Connecticut western news., 1880-08-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

A MAN cushions his seat in church with pew-rest motives.
 THE best thing for bathing dress would be a duck suit. ...
 ISN'T it queer that contractors should be engaged to widen streets '"
 THE dancing master is always taking steps to improve his business.
 LEoN1DAs was one of the original dead heads. Heheld the pass at Thermopyle.
 MAN is gudgeon woman is the line; her smile the float her kiss the bait. Love is the hook, and marriage the fry ing-pan. , ..
 ONE thousand American ministers are in Europe getting ready to open their sermons by remarking, "When was in"
 EDISON thinks he can construct an en- zine that will make 600 revolutions a minute. Let him take 1t to Mexico im- mediately. .,.t nf
 THE young man who has proposed and has been neither accepted nor re- a doubtful state. ......
 A LITTLE boy being told by his mother to take powder she had prepared for him. "Powder, powder," said he, mother, ain't gun. /" >.'~ THE love of praise, howe'er concealed by art, Reigns, more or less, and glowAin every heart The proud, to gain it, tolls on tolls endure, " The modest shun it but to make it sure. i' ea.
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 You can't always judge by outside ap- pearance. Who, for instance, would believe the plump and sleek exterior of o1aI 7oh I <1& bones? t...--~- ..-.r.,.-,
 CDR. TANNER, sir, said bluff Eng fish J. P. eff he were in this country I'd commit him for getting his ivei- hood without ostensible means of sub- sistence." .s4wf arir..
 A MAN out West was offered plate of macaroni soup, but declined it, declaring that they Couldn't play off any billed pipe stems on him. -, ...
 THERE is 8 difference in mothers. Tommy, whose mamma had been read ing to him about Eve and the serpent "Then she wasn't like you, mamma, for you're afraid of a mouse. "' '. '-'
 "Do you think" asked Mrs. Pepper, that little temper is bad thing in a woman" Certainly not, ma'am," re- piled the gallant philosopher, cit is 8 good thing, and she ought never to lose 1t. .4 E.a
 THE way that London woman lately identified her stolen parrot was by bringing her husband into court and scolding him. The bird soon called out, "Oh, wish you were dead, old womanp . AUNT NARY" Now don't quarrel, children. Recolleot that birds in their little nests agree. ," Ethel" We'll, 1t wouldn't do for them to fall out any how, not before they could fy-would it, Mary ?"
 EVERYTHING in nature indulges in amusement. The lightning plays, the wind whistles, the thunder rolls, the snow flies, the waves leap and the fields smile. Even the buds shoot and the rivers run.
 A BoY1sH novice in smoking turned deadly pale and threw away his cigar. Said he: 'sThar's sumthin' in that air . cigar that's made me sick" "I know what it is,' said his companion, pulling away. "What?" "Tobacker. s''!
 ARTHUR SULLIVAN has written Cana- dian National Hymn. The most origi- nal thing in it reads something like this: "Shall we ever be annexed to the Uni ted States ?' "No, never !" "What, never ?" "Well, hardly ever!" 1l.s ,..
 AN EXCHANGE says "Pennsylvania Dutch girls make good preserves" but it doesn't say how much sugar you take to a pound of Dutch girl, nor how long you let lem boil. The recipe for pre- serving Dutch girls should be published.
 A LITTLE fellow lately asked his parents to take him to church with them. They said he must wait until he was older. "Well," was the shrewd suggestion in response, "you'd better take me now, for when I get bigger may not want to go." s,.. THE editor of newspaper that has adopted phonetic spelling in a measure, received a postal card from an old sub scriber in the country, which read as follows: "I hay tuk your paper for leven yeres, but if you kant spel enny better than you have been doin fur the las to munths you ma jes stopp it."
 YoUNG lady to young gentleman | "And do you think that Rants differ ence between the reason and the under standing is correct?' "Yes." "And, sir, what do you understand ?" un- derstand that I love you, but cannot l give any reason for it." They hire boat and go out to catch crabs. sa ..... MARX TWAIN says that the only intro duction to literary audience that he ever had that seemed to him was the right word in the right place-a real | inspiration-was as follows 1: {" Ladies and gentlemen, I shall not waste any unnecessary time in the introduction. I don't know anything about this man, at least I only know two things about him-one is that he has never been in the penitentiary, and the other is I can't see why" ..sr.t. :,
 WE ARE notauthority on ceramics, and we will blushingly admit that we don't know great deal more about pottery than we do know, and we are very easily fooled, but it does make us most awfully mad to have man show us painted jug that he says has been in his own family 15O years and was brought over to America with William the Conqueror,
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