The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-24
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
Ground work-Plowing.
A paradox-Two physicians.
The lay Of the land-Eggs.

A paradox-Two physicians.
The lay Of the land-Eggs.
A Dairy Fair-The milkmaid.
A Maine chance-Two legislatures and row
The man who held loan hand-The pawn
broker.
The true Indian question-"Agent, got an.
rum?'
Precocious statesmanship-Boy at table max
ing celery grab.
How the lawyers put it: Where there's vii
there's a way--to break It.
The chickens that came home to roost il
Maine measured just by 7!
An affectionate mother says her baby will en-
Joy 500 holer days this year.
During last year seven Opera Houses were
burned In Texas. They were built OF pine boards,
ASt. Louis mule tried to kick an engine of
the track, and was surprised because it didn't
bulge.
The tramp law of Ohio is working well. In this
particular it differs very materially from the
tramp himself
A lady voter OF Boston found too late that she
had voted her curl papers. But the returning
board will make it all right.
1t will never do to advise the patriotic Boston
women to vote as they fight. There would be
too much scratching at the polls.
An ounce of keep-your- mouth-shut is better
than pound of explanations after you have
said it.
horse is worth more after it is broken, but it
Ia different with a ten-dollar bill, says the astute
NY. Mall.
A Michigan paper states gracefully that there
were $50 00O, 600 paper collars manufactured last
year, of which leading Mchigander wore Six.
In the investigation of the conduct of the Fire
Department at the recent big fire in Boston, OBJ
lection was made to the introduction OF former
members rs Witnesses The committee man said
he introduced them as eX spurts.
The Grant boom is showing decided sigma OF
nabbness, and wants to be starched up and one
over apparently. Cuban airs are altogether too
mild and humid for it.
Professor-"Now, ask you, as practical
miner, what spade do you think is the very best"
Three.year man >scornfully)-"Why, the ace, OF
course"
The Springfield Republican says the Republican
party cannot afford to shoulder Grant. What II
the old man should talk back at this, and say
that he cannot afford to shoulder the Republican
partyY
Though nearly 80 years old, Mr.. Tenpyson's
muse is still alive to domestic subjects. His Ia
test effort reads:
Put the arm chair In the attic
1t has earned needed rest;
For the pair it oft supported
Now are married and gone west.
Leap year has started out with boom. Three
OF the girls took their respective young men
down to q restaurant the other evening and set
up the oysters. The boys would like to know
whether the girls had the oyster man put 1t on
the slate. TX. X. Gazette.
St. Louis poem, addressed to Chicago:
''Wherc are you going, my pretty maid"
'I'm bound for the matinee" she sad.
And soon was heard on the lonesome street
The ponderous tread of her mammoth feet
There is a student of natural history at Chico,
Cal, who believes that the deer Of Butte county
know what day the game law goes into effect.
He has gravey read paper before the California
Academy of Sciences, in which he asserts that
they stay on the foothills every year until Nov.
2, and then, knowing that on and after that date
it is unlawful to shoot them, 20 boldly down in.
to the inhabited valleys.
What a glorious thing is love;
IL cometh from above,
And lighteth like dove-on some!
But some IL never hits,
Except to give 'em fits,
And take away their wits. Oh, hum!
-4fodt.
"If you was decent person." remarked al
shrill female voice on the railway, ''you would
shut down that window and not expose me to
the draft" Madam" was the reply, as the
window was softly lowered, 81 thought from
your face that you were over forty-fve, and
therefore out of the draft" And notwthstand-
ing the fact that this wretch was on the train,
the cars did not run off the track or the locomo-
tive burst its boiler.
The mayor Of Monrovia, the capital Of Libc-
ria, has found it necessary to issue the following
notice:
'Whereas there has been a great laxty In OBJ.
serving the law providing that all persons com.
ing into the city Of Monrova be clothed this is
to require all magistrates and conservators OF
the peace to Immediately proceed to its rigid en-.
forcement, twenty days from the date hereof.
Pantaloons reaching TO the knee and native
shirts or loose gowns are to be considered suili-
cient clothing within the meaning OF the ordi.
nance"
A Chicago lady has letter from her grand
mother, in which she explains that the reason
why she had time for etter-writns in the eve
ming was that cousin Grace Fletcher is trying
to entertain young man by the name OF Daniel
Webster by playing checkers. Father and uncle
Chamberlain think him young man OF great
promise, but we girls think him awkward and
rather verdant."
Here is touching sentiment worthy Of the
great lyric poet 6. W. Child, engraved on head.
stone in graveyard near Ashland, o.:
Here lies the remains Of Mary Jane Lowder,
hn htlr Nubil dr btnx