Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-01-16
HaWkeyeteMs.

AoWACycVcuA0s
How many votes does the BARRIERS
pole?
Almost everybody in the country has
boom excep: the Ohio river.
Man wants but little here below. f"
Yes, and he generally gets it. too.
Charity covers . multitude of sins.
On, yes same way with the camp
meeting tent.
Beyond all doubt, it was Mark Twain's
Introduction OF General Hawley that
carried New York.
Shot guns can now be purchased for
half as much as they cost before the
November elections.
The oyster has complained to the
government that the ice cream is en-.
croaching on its reservation.
Shakespeare, says writer, "never
repeated" Then Shakespeare never
voted at New York city election.
A Zulu girl isn't allowed to marry a
man who doesn't own Q COW. We sup.
pose this is to indicate that she is his
hos.
Hanlan, the oarsman, condemns the
use of tobacco and whisky. He also
condemns the use Of boats-by his com.
petitor.
Theater actors and members of con-
cert companies will be grieved to learn
that the peanut crop this year is UMPIRE.
cedently large.
"Life is full of golden opportuni-
ties, remarks q philosopher. It is, it
is; but they aren't worth their face
when you try to cash them.
"What causes the presence of grit
in sugar ~ asks correspondent. Well,
it is generally because the grocer pat
ronizes the sand bank too literally.
Some magazine writer says: ga
woman becomes sensible at twenty-five. p"
Then the woman is frequently about
one hundred and thirty years ahead Of
some men.
Where's your partner, this morn.
ing, Mr.. Hyson?" the neighbor asked
the grocer. "Dont know for Ger tain, ;"
cautiously replied the old man, "he
died last night"
1t is difficult to tell when you start in
on paragraph full of interrogation
points, nowadays, whether you are
going to read some capital new conun-
drums, or only new patent medicine
ad.
George w. Curtis says no gentleman
will smoke in the presence of ladies.
No, he will not. And, George, no lady
will smoke in the presence of gentle
men, either. You forgot to say that,
George.
Mrs. Langtry, the London beauty,
is coming to America. Go back, Lille,
go back stay where you is, honey =;
we're all married men over here, and be.
sides, there's no show for you pretty
women aren't such rarity here as they
are in England.
A scientific journal states that gold
is unaffected by atmospheric action or
Influences" We are glad to learn that
there is something that doesn't touch
it or grab at it. There are enough other
things that do affect it, without having
the atmosphere get at it.
A foolish man married q dumb WON.
an, because she could never scold him.
Imagine his anguish when she writes
out her curtain lecture on q slate, and
when he comes home at l A. NJ, makes
him read them aloud to her, that she
may know he does read and understand
them.
Nothing so deeply impresses o young
man with the unwarrantable and tyran-
nioal assumption of parental authority,
than, just as he is making up to his girl
at the church sociable to ask if he may
60 home with her, to hear her old father
snarl from the hall, "Come long, Eme-
line
WELL" said the collector to a debtor
who was chronically not ready, chow
are you to-day? Short as usual ?"
"Not a TALL" replied Mr.. Slowpay,
mot tall" And Mr.. Dunn couldn't
tell for the life of him whether the man
was ready to pay or not. He conjec-
tured that he wasn't.
The katydid does all her singing with
her legs. Now if the young man who
sits behind you at the concert and huns
the tenor softly, were compelled to do
all his singing by'rabbing the soles OF
his feet together, how happy you would
be. And he? Oh, he would sing about
as we'll as he does now, and the musical
! world WOnldn't Ynias him at all