The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-01-30
SHORT ITEMS.


No lady can wipe her nose too often on
a $40 lace handkerchief.
A French cook can take q rib OF |
mutton and turn out aspring pullet.
There are 5000 trees in Joe Jefferson's
orange orchard in Louisiana.
The Empress of Austria visits Ireland
again in February for the hunting
season.
Rochester men prefer death to being
quoted ''N. G.' in the Mercantile
Agency.
Ohio's first colored jury found a
verdict of: s'Not guilty, cause he didn't
done it.
This is good weather to ssfreeze out"
college professors and freeze in boxing
teachers.
Frank Leslie has many different publi-
cations and he steals the matter for all
of them.
Mr.. Moody isn't a man of the world or
he'd a. known better than to have tackled
st. Louis.
Mr.. Holyoake, the English apostle of
cooperation, is praising America since
returning home.
Ex-Governor Seymour has complete
collection of biographies of American
statesmen in his library.
A Mexican Governor at a dinner had
seventeen courses of hash served before
the main part of the meal.
A cur that no one will own will get
tin kettle over q given distance as
quickly as 800 imported dog will.
Venus was the first person who had
l, II IL
ashore on the half-shell.
stCan a man marry his widows sister,"
He can-provided he is ''California
widower, and his wife is willing.
London police stations have hot and
cold water. The hot water is to throw
over prisoners who kick the bars.
The Rev. Morgan, of Boston, can see
no difference between church fairs
and lotteries, and is aiding to suppress
both
Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, from his
profession and lectures, earns from
$40, 900 to $40, 900 year, and spends
most. of it.
Owls talk with each other by each one
holding the end of straw in his mouth.
That's what gave birth to the audi
phone.
A minister in one of the small Illinois
towns was the unfortunate loser of sew
eral dollars the other night. He had q
donation party.
Ohio school girls drink red ink become
very ill, send for their lovers, make up,
get we'll, and are heroines for the next
four weeks.
Lovers in New Jersey now get married
at midnight, so as to be joined between
two days and be little more spooney
than other folks.
! Susan B. Anthony has just celebrated
her twenty second birthday.-Free Press
Does this mean that she was born on the
18th of February.
It was happy thought that suggested,
during the war, the using of cotton fol
breastworks, and the practice has beer
kept up ever since.
Don Carlos, of Spain, swears that he
will have his rights or perish; but we al
feel the same way, and are as much of 8
hero as he is.
Mr.. w. w. Corcoran of Washington, is
the owner of the beautiful Sevres dessert
service which was once owned and used
| by George Washington.
Nevada has town named Zero, and
neither the weather nor the thermometer
man can get the start of the place.
Strangers may expect a cool reception.
New Jersey wants to make legal
holiday of the birthday of christopher
Columbus. She believes he discovered
New Jersey when he did the rest oi
America.
just as soon as a man imagines that
the world owes him living he will seel
to collect the debt from which some one
has gained his own living and laid
up something besides.
s'How far is it to Butler if keep
straight on?" ''Wall, if you're goin' te
keep straight on, it's about twenty-five
| thousand miles, but If you turn round
t'other way it's about half a miller
Observing little brothers remark be-
fore room full of company: ''I know
| what made that red mark on Mary's
nose; it was the rim of John Parker's
hat" And there are girls who believe
that little brothers never go to heaven.
We feel obliged to remind the Presi
dent again that the country is getting or
swimmingly without any minister at
either the English or Russian Court
But we admit that Ohio is being neglect
ed.-[ Boston Globe.
A contemporary says Eve is as de-
serving of monument as Adam, and he
suggests 'Give them monument apiece. ,
But why not treat them as this country
has George Washington-give them 9
piece of monument.
It will soon be time for the members
of the New York Legislature to have
their button-holes lined with sheet-iron
to save them from breaking out when the
Senatorial candidates hook their fingers
in them.
| Commodore Vanderbilt once visited a
spiritual medium, who commenced busi-
ness by saying, ssYour first wife wishes
to communicate with you" Perhaps
| so," said the Commodore abruptly, "but
| that is not what came here for.
.Why, Dick said lady teacher the
other day, ..you are getting to be an
awfully good boy, lately; ever SO much
better than you were last year. How is
it?'' ''Oh. pshaw! Miss Hetty," said the
youngster, s'I don't have SO much tum-
mick ache now"
A school teacher, who has just been
telling the story of David, winds up
with: .sAnd all this happened over 5000
years ago." A little cherub, its blue
eyes dilated with wonder, after mo-
.,Soxl,a IL -, ,I,&. ooh door ,naruo what