The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1880-06-30
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

"Brolled spring chickens tor tea, en-
: said [. and lobster salad and frie
oysters Upon my word, this looks As
we were going to have company"
80 we are, my dear, said my wife
looking a little guilty, as she polishe
up the surface of the silver tea-tra
with new channels leather. The
are all coming to visit me-Uncle Sila
and Aunt Milicent, and the children
and Cousin Joab, and the two Miss VII
merdings, and my Aunt Louisa, to NEE
the Rev Mr. SparkweIl, from Minneso
IA, who married my cousin Jerush;
Wilde. Mr. Sparkwell Is troubled witt
catarrh, and he thinks of staying at GU
house for a few weeks while he is being
treated by DR.. Dosem.'
put down my linen duster and brown
parcels with some emphasis.
"Oh, confound the Rev. Mr.. Spark
wei" said l.
John y calculated my wife.
"Weli, my dear, ] can't help it, said
| l. Its not in human nature to endure
every thing. And Eve been relaGoned
out of all patience, ever since our mar.
riage. The Jenkinses went away last
| week, the Birdsalls took an atfectionate
leave yesterday, and now, just as l was
contemplating a peaceful evening by
ourselves, here's a new swarm hungrier
than the rest, just about to settle down
upon us In my opinion, Kitty, my
dear, relations should be abolished.
Il am surprised at you, John" said
my wife, my own people, that are SO
fond of me"
That's where youare mistaken, dear, ,"
saidI. cts your comfortable spring
beds and good cookery that they are fond
of, not you y
John :"
''Fll be willing to wager good round
sum on the truth of my assertions,
said l.
Because you have no relations your
self"
Thank Providence for that" said |
devoutlv. Il was reared in a founding
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerable success in the
world"
Its no reason you should find fault
with mine said Kitty, with her bright
blue eyes full of tears. 'And Mr.. Spark
well is such a spiritually-minded man,
and dear Uncle Silas loves you just as if
you were his only son, and Cousin Joab
is so interested in the children"
''Pm much obliged to 'em," said |,
dryly But [ slept all last week on
sofa cushions laid in the bath tub; and
we had fourteen people here over the
and | was obliged to give
up my room for a month last winter to
old Mr.. Mansewell, not to speak of our
being half poisoned with Aunt Louisa
hygeian messes in the fall. When the
poet said there's no place like home,' |
presume he meant when there were no
relations visiting him. I'll tell you
what my dear" with sudden inspira
ton, 1--WE a great mind formally to
if they will agree solemnly to leave me
in peace for the rest of my life, where
soever 1 may set up my family tents"
Nonsense !" said my wife. do go
up stairs and change your things, and
brush your hair and get ready for tea.
they're all waiting in the best parlor, |
md | was expecting your return to see |
about hiring some cot-beds from the vii |
age hotel to put up in the attic for
hose four little Sparkwell children.
on see, Aunt Louisa has the blue bed |
Dom, and Cousin Joab sleeps in the lit
lie wing chamber, and Mr.. and Mrs.
5parkwell will have our room, and"
Indeed" said l, land we are to sleep
Il the barn, | suppose
Don't be cross, John, said my wife,
.ppealingly. Zone must be hospitable,
-ou know And l can easily make up
he sofa bed in the back parlor for our
lse for a day or two"
[ said nothing, but ground my teeth
n silent despair, as sprang up stairs,
wo steps at a time, made what changes
could in my toilet, by the aid Of ten
,y-twelve glass hung over the wash
tand of stuffy little bathroom.
The Rev Mr.. Sparkweu was big
nan, with still bigger voice, and a
imp, faded little wife, whose sole earth
v interests seemed centered in her four
freckle-faced children. Uncle
'ilas and Aunt Millicent were a silent
'air, with excellent appetites, and two
all boys, who giggled and snickered at
ach other in the intervals of the con-
-ersation,.
Cousin Joab talked necessarily with
is mouth full, and the two Miss VIII
lerdings served as general echoes to
he rest while Aunt Louisa devoured
obster salad ad libitum, and kept on
ending up her cup for more green tea,
ntil l trembled for her nerves.
While my wife, CAREFUL and troubled
Ike Martha of old with many things,
ooked ready to drop with the hospita-
lie exertions she had made, poor l, sit
ing a mere cipher at the head of my
able, felt as if was keeping a board I
lg-house without any of the pecuniary {
monuments therefrom.
my trunks will be up in the six
clock train" said Rev. Mr.. Sparkwen
I'll trouble you Cousin Poyntz, TO send
md if there's any department In this /
cmicile, Cousin Poyntz, that could be
tied up as study for my temporary {
Sc, it would greatly facilitate my in !
sHectual occupation during my sojourn
| the suburbs of this great city. And |
must beg that you viii keep the house 7
cry still during the hours which l de- |
ote to study"
Here my wife looked at me aghast,
mixing of little Johnny and the baby. !
"Never mind, my dear, T" l remarked, !
tito voce, ''we can easily get 'em board t
/ somewhere" 4
"And," went on the Rev. Mr.. Spark i
ell, 81 should esteem it a favor if a
orse and buggy could be procured for
" daily use when going to DR.. Dosem, :
the city, as the motion of the train !
isagress with my nervous system" II