South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-06-25


I'll never use tobacco, no;
II is filthy weed:
I'll never put IL in my mouth
Said little Robert Reed.
1t hurts the health;
It makes bad brcath
lis very bad indeed
I'll never, never use it. nor
Said little Robert Teed.
Sorrow and woman Page grow less
every time they are told.
Never leave what you undertake un-
Gil you can reach your arms around it |
and clench your hands upon the other
side says recently published book for
young men. Very good advice; but
what il she screams?
A Denver clergy man on receipt ofthe
usual half fare pass, wrote 10 the cup
crintcndent: Can you not embrace
my wife alsoT 10 which the railroad
man said he did not know, but he would
like TO SEQ che clcrgyman's wife first,
as he was rather fastidious.
Fashionable pickpocke.s in London
tickle the noses OF ladies who happen to
be looking into shop windows The
fair hand involuntarily applies the white
handkerchief 10 the itching nose. and The
naughty thief steals tho purse from the
exposed pocket
A lawyer once rushed up to Jcrroll
in the street & said, with flushed face,
MIR. Jerrold. I've just met a scoundrel-
~ barristcr.' Jerroltl looked at him
with bland smile and simply answer
ed, What coincidence
A little girl OF Sullivan, Mo-, has the
past winter had first whooping cough,
then chicken pox, and a few days ago
took the measles. As she lay tossing
upon her pillow she looked up at her
father and said, Papa, what comes
neXt?'
A little girl once said that she would
be very glad to 90 to heaven, because
they had plenty of preserves there. On
being cross-examined she took down
her catechism and triumpbantly read
Why ought the saints to love God?'
Answer: Because he makes, preserves
and keeps them
Aide sends us poem: Why Art
Thou Sad?' Now, Aide, we will be
honest with you. The reason we are
sad is, because our back suspender-b but.
ton has busted, and we arc afraid The
other one won't hold till we get home.
(Scene, country inn. Tourist
'Confound it. woman there's chick
in this eggY Landlady-'Well sir, you
are lucky one il a few weeks could
have had half crown for that fowl. and
ere you get it for two pence and
still he was not satisfied
A southern gentleman has recently
welded Miss Lizzie Dollar. If he hus.
bands his fortune we'll be ought not be
without Dollar in the house Rome
Sentinel. Wrong again. After he mar
rieh her she hadn't Dollar TO her
name.
A Scotchman asked an freshman.
'Why we're half farthings coined in Eng.
land?' Pats reply was: To give
Scotcbmen an opportunity to subscribe
to charitable institutions
No man shall ever kiss me except |
my future husband, she said as he was
about leaving her at the gate. Sup |
pose l agree TO be your future--'
Why, then I'll agree 10 kiss You she !
replied eagerly, and she did. Her Ma |
was informed that he had proposed, and |
the old lady called next day TO fasten |
matters, and before lie knew it, he was /
eternally booked. H. was o mean adj |
vantage, but a bird in the hands is
worth two on the font gate.
One reason why Lcadville has no
schools is because ali The SCHOOL !
ma'ams who 60 there find husbands be-
tween the depot and the hotels, and |
don't care cent whether school keeps |
or not.
Kick your corn through window
glass and the pane is gone forever.
Some of the medical journals are |
much disturbed about the custom OF ~. !
ing in bed the habit of Icing out of
bed is, VIC think, great deal more to be |
guarded against.
BEATING A RAILRoAD.-A good drive |
was perpetrated on q Connecticut West. |
orn conductor few days ago A man
toarded the train at q way station and
paid his fare TO poinS few miles dis
taBt. On reaching his destination lac
concluded to proceed TO further station
and finally continued on until he reach.
ed Wnsted. Each time he paid his
fare in cash to the conductor, instead OF
buying n ticket a. the station, although
by this means the passage cost him con
siderably more. At last the conductor
spoke TO him Of this and suggested that
it would he economy for him 90 pur-
chase a ticket and asked him why he
didn't.
Well said the passenger, III tell
YOU Some time last summer. 7 cot in