The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-09-16
WIT AND HUMOR.
t.s So


-. Can any one improve his condition
by whining? 1fnot, whine not.
~ A prima donna, according to cock
ney, is naturallya timid creature, for
her art is always in her throat.
Croquet. says the Boston Commercial
Bulletin, will be popular this season,
notwithstanding that it is played-out.
Ayoung man who has recently taken
wife says he didnita find fit half 50
hard to get married as lie did to get
furniture.
In some respects the gentlcr sex far
0urpass us. No man, for instance, can
deliver a lecture with dozen pins in
bis mouth.
"A man has invented chair which
can be adjusted to 5000 different posi-
:ions. It is designed fora boy, to sit
IN when having his hair cut. posi-
The small boys digestive apparatus
IS undoubtedly the nearest approach
to perpetual motions, that the world
has yet known. &
Marriages in May are said to be, I'M
lucky; but then SO are those III June,
July, September, and III fact all the
other months. S
A young lady up town repelss the
domestic SANDER that she is .'ductu-
ating." ''For Pm always at par-to
buy me something 10y y =. 114s
~ am very much afraid Of light
ning," said 4 pretty lady. "And well
you may be- replied despairing
lover, ''as your heart is made of STEEL"
'Here's q letter. said Pat Maloney
yesterday, from me gurrl, and would
yc please be readin it to Inc wild yer
ize shut, that We can't be a-larnin' my
secrets"
The wife Of a wealthy and retired
grocer to her artistic dressmaker:
''Dress me in such a manner that my
vulgarities will pass for medieval at
tectations."
Miss II. (who has chosen medicine
as a protession) to professor, who has
given the class an oX's heart to dissectl
"Oh, professor, can't we have forks to
handle it With" s..
Bashful lover Ito his bclle(: "Would
that could have three Kilograms of
dynamite:" Belle :"Why monsicur?'
Bashful lover: ITO break the ice be-
tween us.
a Bohemian Of the first water was
recently turned out of his lodgings and
installed in a miserable little room
absolutely without furniture. He met
q friend and said to him, LEND me
chair" What for ?" was the answer.
My dear sir, I should be so ashamed
it burglars should come into my
room!"
On returning from the theatre, the
Thonlpsons find their housemaid in
great distress, with her arm bound up
in her apron. Mrs. Thompson "What
is the MATTER? Have you hurt your
hand?" Ann: "W-w-w-worse than
that, ma'am!" Mrs. Thompson; 'Not
broken your arm, trust?" Ann:
W-w-worse than that" Mrs. Thomp-
son. ''Good heavcns!-what is it?"
Cook: "The fact is, ma'am the silly
girl has been tryin' on your new
bracelet, and none of us knows how to
get it off again!"
A very fashionable lady, who fair
" dotes on her children, and is very
particular about their toilets, had a
narrow escape last Sunday from losing
one of her darlings. 1t was leaning
out of a third-story window, when it
lost its balance, and in moment more
it would have been dashed to pieces
on the crowded pavement below. For
tunately the mother seized it Just as it
was disappearing over the window
sill. Clasping the saved chcrub to her
breathless breast, the fond mother ex-
claimed, as tears Of gratitude flowed
from her uplifted eyes eff that child
dirty dress on, would never, never
have forgiven myself And she pro-
ceeded to dress it up in style, SO that,
come what might, the family would
not be disgraced. t.. @-..a Il