The Portland daily press., 1880-04-01

l am at present an inmate Nv a convenient
but very cheap hotel in the vicinity NV Gram.
ercy Park, the residence NV the crate Tilden
wich wood hev invited me to stay with him
but unfortnitly his house wuz full NV Dino
Gratis frum all parts, witch cum to persuade him
to save the kentry by consentin to run for the
presidency. In the kindest manner, however
he is payin my board here Il bein delegate
elect to the convention) and he makes me a
fair allowance for my principal expenses, wich
is the bal. of the house.
he'd interview with the CRATE man yister-
day, wich wuz entirely satisfactory. Indeed
the close Nv it wuz more than satisfacto-
ry, ez kin now git, not only moo SCOT NV
cloze, but kin approach Bascom for six months
without askin credit, pervidin the inflax NV
drummers frum Louisville keeps up, and they
display their accustomed liberality in askin the
whole house up to drink.
Mr.. Tilden remarked thet he did not now
nor never he'd desired the Presidency. Eff he
knowd hisself he wuz simple-minded man
wich desired to pass the remainder NV his days
in peece and quiet with his fsens, and not be
world with pollytix or biznis. But wat Good
he do? The kentry wuz his wife and children,
and they demanded thet he take the sect.
They demanded in 1876, and he yeeldid then,
and he spozed he shood hev to now.
''In wat way, Mr.. Tilden, do yoo perpose to
meet this almost yoonanimus demand NV the
Amerikin people fur yoo to accept the nomina-
shen?"
81 shell do evrythin thet in me lies to meet
x,s.I~o E.
out with the pint thet a CRATE frod wuz COM
mited fore yeers ago, when I wuz first swindld
out NV the Presidency after investin three mil
yuns NV hardened mummy in a buyin it, and
that
"Will yoo hev Cronin, Nv Oregon, inter-
vued and the sifer dispatches republished?'
'Thet wuz the work Nv my nevew Pelton
and other enthusiastic but indiscreet frens Nv
mine. am innosent and gilelis old man
and liable to be imposed upon. Eff the cry NV
frod don't moov the convenshun, my nevew
Pelton will gently intimate that eff the Dimoc-
riSy don't take me they cant carry Moo York,
and without Moo York Dimekrat cant be
electid. Thet will hev its effeck upon them ez
desire posishuns in the Post Offs Department
and the Custum Houses, and will doutlis to
yoose slang. fetch EN-. 1t is pint
"Spozn thet fales?'
I'm thet event only wun thing remanes We
must hev apure Government, with pure man
at its he'd. Eff these too considerations don't
infiooence em shel take the heds out NV too
or three barls and buy the intire convenshun.
The kuntry must be saved. And then"
The gilelis old mans spare figger seemed to
dilate ez duz waryer's wen he meets foe
man."
"And then will cum the struggle. 1 will hev
my literary buro sendin out reddy made edy-
fn oil fhn ksa
evry seckshun evrythin-I am not seckshunul
and he'd jist ez soon buy the electral vote Nv
Northern State ez Suthern one-I shell parsle
out the offices, shel buy men whar kin git
en- John Morissey is ded, but thar are others
to start pool rooms to inflooense the wavrin.
shell put all the old machinery to work, with
a lot NV new thet hev recently invented, and
this time shell make no mistake know
more about Presidenshul eleckshuns than did
then, ard beside that hev made couple NV
millions NV dollars in the past four yeers, and
IN the 1ntrest Nv pure Government I will
spend every cent Nv it buyin the eleckshun, to
infiooence free and Independent voters, will
do it this time shoor."
The sage and patriot then Civ me direck-
shuns ez to how to manage the Kentucky dele
gashun, and promised thet 1 shood be his agent
i'll buyin up stubborn ones, and thet shood be
on the committy wich shood parcel out the Of
fises for Kentucky. Wv course the post offs at
the Corners wuz to be mine, tho the sage and
patriot did hint thet eff the Kentucky delega-
shun wuZ yoonanimous the collectorship at
louisville wood be mine. He spoke definitely
on this pint.
'My dear FRIEND" he remarked ez he prest
my hand at partin, remember the collector
ship at Louisville, and whisper to your friends
thet my bari is the only one thet will be
opened. A wink is ez good ez nod to a
mule"
Nv coorse Mr.. Tilden is my candidate He
kin appreshiate patriotism, and is the first can
didate thet hez ever promised me anything
better than the Corners Post Office. 1 shell go
home to labor for him with all my mite.
PETROLEUM V. Massey.
(For Tlden first. last and all the time).
P. S. don't know about Tilden, after all.
Another Kentuckian wich is stoppin at the
same hotel, remarkt to me, confidenshally,
that he esteemed Mr.. Tilden the greatest pat
riot NV modern days. And he went on to say
that the great and good man he'd desired him
to see that the Kentucky delegashun wuz
yoonanimus fer him. "The fact is, Nasby,''
sed this man, eff Tilden is nominated and
electid L am promised the collectorship NV
Louisville, and l kin give you nice berth in
it. III make it yoor interest to support him. :"
That wuz encurridgin to me, for wuz about
to make him the same offer.
?. S. No2. Later last mite two other Ken
lucky Dlmecrats cum to me with the same
proposishun. How many collectors does Loois-
Vile need?
P. S. Nos An enemy NV the gilelis patriot
hez caused Mr.. Tilden serious trouble. He
caused it to cirkelate privitly among the Dem
ocrisy that the CRATE and good Tilden desired
to meet, personally, them upon whom he ex-
pectid to confer appointments, ON the 10Th inst.
at his house. The streets wuz full for five
blocks with perceshun ez long ez St Patrick s
Day. Among EN- wuz exactly 3S statesmen
wich he'd each bin informed he was the gilelis
statesmans choice fer the Vice Presidency,
and who he'd bin promised tnet his infiooence
shood be throwed for them, 1t didn't annoy
the gilelis man at all Ez he blandly remarkt
to me, "These gentlemen are all committid
publicly to me, and they Can hardly 60 back
on wat they hev told their constitooents."