davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07
HUMOROUS.


WHAT better time to be buried in
slumber than at the dead of nightp
WE suppose the man who was rocked
in the cradle of the deep slept in the
bed of the river when he grew up
HaUkeVe.
THE oyster would live for eight years
If he had chance, but he is kept in
such stew that he dies young of heart
trouble. - Graphic.
OUR friend Jones frequently tells of
ideas fitting through his mind. Ideas
find nothing in Jones mind to obstruct
their ilits. -BOSton Trans ript.
In all the researches at Pompeii men
have failed 10 come across one single
sign Of " No Trust Those were the
days for an honest man TO live in. -
Detroit Free Press.
THE elephant puts on lot OF style
nowadays, but IL takes n good deal of
conceit out of him TO be shown the
jaw-bone of mastodon. - Chicago
Times.
In is easy to stump Rhode Island. A
grand stand is erected in the middle of
the State and the thing is done with a
single speech. Parties Of the opposi-
ton go into Connecticut until the speak
ing is over
A CERTAIN little damsel being aggra-
waited past endurance by her big broth
er fell down upon her knees and
cried: 80 Lord. bless my brother Tom.
He lies, he steals, he swears. All boys
do; us girls don't. Amen"
A GREAT many look at life very much
as one who rides backward looks out of
a car window. Everything seems to be
going ahead while he is falling behind,
when in fact he is getting ahead all the
time, and very rapidly. Boston Tran
script.
AN exchange prints a lengthy article
on ''Science at Breakfast. Valuable
space wasted. Science at breakfast is
getting away with four slices of ham
aud half dozen eggs while your visa
Wis is unfolding his napkin. -Reokuk
Gate City.
FATHER" Here, you have only been
married four weeks, and almost every
day you come TO mo with complaints
about your husband. You ought to be
ashamed of yourself" Daughter -
but he fights me all the time
Foolish child! Haven't your mother
and me been fighting every day for
thirty years, and don't we get along
peaceably and quietly with each 9TH
erp' Galveston Necs.
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07

most remarkable horseback ride on ar-
thentic record. * Two or three yenrsazo
nine Italian officers undertook ride of
$40 miles to see what was the extreme
performance which might be expected of
ordinary horses in war. Only three
finished the distance, and they required
1903 hours for the task. Some time
before this another Italian officer rode
500 Italian miles in ten days on single
horse. From Vienna to Paris Is 500
miles as the crow flies. Prince de Linge
once covered the road between the two
cities in six days, but with relays of
horses. Count de Maintenay is said TO
have done IL in less time on single
roadster. He was then the bearer of
of the consent ofthe Emperor of Austria
10 the marriage of Napoleon and Marie
Louise, and he was rewarded for his
speed with jewcled snufsbox, 6.000i..
and the horse which carried him so
well. II is said that he rode the whole
way without dismounting, but that is
scarcely credible. Tho conditions are
so different that IL is impossible to
compare these feats with those of last
week at Chicago, but it seems reason
ably certain that neither ON horseback
nor on foot can the rate of 100 miles be
kept up for more than five DAYS, and
that there are men who can do the
distance at least as quickly without a
horse as with one.-M " Times.
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07
Men and Horses.

TIE 156-hour race between men and
horses. at Chicago. last week, ended in
victory for man. Byrne, a new pc
destrian, who is scarcely twenty yet,
scored 542 miles as his six. day record,
and stopped Saturday with a score of
57S miles. The leading horse finished
ten miles behind him. The Chicago pa
pers call the contest great one, of
course, but without finding fault with
that, it may be said that they are quite
in error in describing II as 'the first of
the kind ever given" Last October
there was a similar contest in San Fran
cisco, but then horse won, with a six
day record of 500 miles. However, the
list of such contests we believe there
have been others--is happily, a brief
one, and, stepping outside of it, there
are authentic records of remarkable
rides which are far more interesting
than such objectless displays of grim
endurance as the Chicago performance.
In l847 General j. Q. Fremont and two
companions covered 800 miles across a
roadless and mountainous country in
1853 hours, only 100 of which were spent
in the saddle. OF course they had a
frequent change of horses, those not un-
der saddle being driven ahead and las
seed when wanted, This is perhaps the
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07
SQUIRE wHEELERs WATCH.

lin Mrs. Wheeler--Squire Wheel
er's second wife, he being a widower
when ! married him; and most folks
know how Squire Wheeler used To be a
kind OF distracted man when first
married him, and how he kept on being
distracted for a considerable spell o.
time, SOS rally didn't feel to expect
he'd ever get out of the habit He
didn't keep no recollection of events,
somehow, and did sort o curious things.
Put on the big, striped armchair cover
instead Of his dressing gown, and went
about with one shoe and one slipper
on, wonderin' what made him hitch so,
till | told him. He fetched home my
bandbOx from the milliner's, and new
coal-scuttle from the store, one day.
and when he came in he throwed the
bandbox into the fireplace, and sot the
scuttle on my workable; and one day
i jest saved him from takin' shot in
stead o. pills.
I'D knowed he was sort o. curious
before he came to see me, and larnt it
we'll durin' that time, for you see he
built a new house for me while we was
a courtin'; and he took me over for to
see II arter twas all painted and ealei-
mined, and papered; and while | was
lookin' at it up stairs he forgot how's
he'd fetched me and went off and lock-
ed me in. II was quite well set back
from the road, the house was, and all
the lower windows were fastened on
the outside; and suppose might have
starved there II IL hadn't a been for
Riker's little boys comm up about five
In the afternoon to steal cherries. They
thought was ghost, and SO brought
some folks up TO look at me, and / got
let out.
II was real mad. kin tell you, and
first on refused TO hev anything to do
with the Squire; but no pleaded with
me, went right down on his knees in
his white pants In a mud-puddle, and
was tender-hearted. Though was
most sorry had give in when he went
down 70 the village and opened his
office one Sunday. I'd no idee what
he'd done until he came home 10 din
ner. Then he was lookin' at me, and
says he:
+" Jerushy ] guess there's goin' 70 be
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07
MISS AINERYfs DIsAPPoINT
MENT.


YEs- pEuEy, twas a disappointment; and
To look as 81 didn't mind Il, wont tell you
a lie.
1esce, he'd bon a-eomin' stiddy, and our folks
ser, acz they.
~its YOU, Mlncryy, that hos arier, he's sure
10 pop some day."
Ho'd walk IN with ,hc evonin' shadders, set in
that casy-cnaif.
Aud praiso my donam,uts. kinder sighin'
ubo't bachelors fare.
And ieen his talk was = improyin, he made
the doctrines plain,
straight AT Mary Jane.
shed laugh, and give spoh silly answers that
~ one could upptuvcs
Das, iawl tho men can't fool me, Debby--H
isn't sense they love.
Its rosy checks, and eyes n-spurkln'. Yes,
yes, you may depend
That when wnunn smart ana handy, knows
how 10 bake and mend,
And kocp hor house and husband tidy, why,
the FOOLS VIII pass herby.
Bekhso shes spent hery youth a-lcarning tholr
wants TO satisfy.
Now Mr.. Reed wns alters talkin' Of what 4 wife
should be,
SO, Dsehy, was 4 any wonder I though, his
And then whom Mary Jano would gggle and
2~1nC would turn 50 rcd,
Could Haihave guessed that they wns courtn
when not word was saidr
II all came out nj last SO sudden. Twas
Wednesday OF last week.
Whom Af. Reed came in quito iustercd, Thinks
], "He means to speak"
I'll own my heart beat quicker, Dobby; for
though. Of course, It's bold
10 Ike nnu before he offers, ] thought him
good as gold.
Well, there We sot. talked and waited; he
hemmed and coughed awhile;
He seemed 80 most uncommon bnshful !
couldn't help bat Smile.
thought about my pine-tar balsam that
drives n cough away,
And how when We was fairly married I'd dose
him every day.
Just then be spokei sDear Miss MInervy, poI
must hey seen quite plain
he, "-uoit AdT-p Jaue."
"Whetdid Idor' nearly tainted, twas sech
Yet there he'd TO set. US quiet as ef was a
rock.
And hcar about her "Ririish sweetness" and
"hudGn' beauty" too.
Don't talk % me OF martyrs Debby-I know
whnt Eve gone through.
Well that's tho end. The wcddin's settled for
June. he'f IN such haste.
I've given her the spreads / quilted, so they
won't go 10 waste.
I'd planned now curtains for his study, all
trimmed with bands OF blue,
I'm sure her cookin never'n suit him e's
fond OF eatln', too.
Wei. no. I want at moetIn' Sunday. dou't
ind Mr.. Reed
ls quite as edifyin' lately; ho can't move me-,
indeed.
And, Dcbhy, when you SEQ how foolish n man
IN love can act,
You cant hey scch high opinion OF him, and
that's fact.
~ don't Look WogF' Spring weather, mebbe;
IT'S Rittin warm, you know,
week or 30.
Mrs. r.. n. Corbett, IN Hdrper's Md0aztns
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07

TO sue the Squire for false arrest and
imprisonment,
ut was dreadful time, and there
was a coolness Ia the family for years,
but good ariz from evil, as the dominic
said, for the Squire isn't half such a
distracted man as he used TO be. and
he has got n sort of habit Of taking no.
tiee of what goes on about him. ~
Mary Kyle Dallas. IN N. Y. Ledqer.
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07
Just Where lie Had En-.

HALF an hour before the departure
of lake steamer from her wharf yes
terdy the Captain was approached by
stranger who had been inspecting the
boat from the dock for the last ten min
utes. Introducing himself as would
be passenger, he asked;
''Captain, is this boat provided with
life-preserversP"
"She is.n
"Are they all rightp"
"They are"
"Can your crew launch life-boatP"
"They can"
"Is your life-raft all rightP"
alt IS"
"Is the fire-hose all ready for instant
serviccP''
"Itis.
"Wm your engineer stand to his post
in case of disaster9'
"He will. "
do you call yourself cool and
collected man in the presence of dam
gerPn
~ do"
"Do you know exactly what you
would do in case of terrible gale or IA
fre?"
"I do"
"Can the mate be depended on to
second all your efforts?''
"He can.
"And will your crew stand by you
and obey you?"
They will,"
Are your green and red lights all
rightP'
"They are"
Machinery in perfect orderP'
"It is"
Going to overload the boatr
"No Sir"
Expect to do any raeingP'
"No, sir,n
is she fixed to blow off at forty-six
poundsp"
"She is. 2"
"Donkey-engine working all rightP"
at is.n
The stranger heaved a deep sigh and
was walking away when the Captain
asked if his baggage was aboard.
"No, and guess I'll go afoot," j" was
the reply. Every boat which has
burned up or gone down for the last
five years had everything in the incest
kind of order, and I'll either look for a
craft making six feet Of water an hour
or run the risk of going through rail-
road bridge. Good-by, Captain--I shall
lock in the dailies all this week 10 see
who of your passengers were saved. ."-r
Detroit Free Press.
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07

Mr.. w. +. II. LEoKY, the English
philosopher and historian, is regarded
as sort of. literary phenomenon.
Though ne has been before the public
as an author since 1861, he is only
forty-two years old. This is the more
singular because his fame rests upon
extensive scholarship and earnest iD-
vestigation of topics that men seldom
master until after middle life. He
was born near Dublin, decided to be
an author at twelve, and had read moro
books at fourteen than most young
men at twenty When he graduated at
Trinity College, his professors said he
had the best stored mind of the ago
who had matriculated within their
memory.
Osage Valley banner., 1880-10-07

CHEEsE FRITTERs. Put about q pint
of water into saucepan with piece
of butter the size Of an egg, "the least
Bit of cayenne, and plenty OF black
pepper. When the water boils throw
gradually into it sufficient -four TO form
a thick paste then take il OFF the fro
and work into it about quarter OF n
pound OF grated Parmesan cheese, and
then the yelks of three or four eggs and
the whites of two beaten up to froth.
Let the paste rest for couple OF hours
and then proceed to fry by dropping
pieces of It the size of walnut into
plenty of hot lard. Serve sprinkled
with very fine salt
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14

MO theirs! Mothers!! Mothers!! !
Are you disturbed at night and
broken Of your rest by . sick child suf.
feriug and crying with the excruciatine
pain Of cutting teethY II a., 20 ct
once and get bottle Of Mrs. Wfxs.
Lows SOOTHING HYRUP. Il will re-
lievc the poor little sufferer immediate
ly-depend upon it; there is no mistake
about It, There 10 not . mother ON
earth who has ever used it who will not
tell You at once that it will requisite
the bowels. and give rest to the mother
And relief and health to the child, spsr-
sting like magic, 1t is perfectly safe
to use in all cases, and pleasant to the
taste, and is the prescription of one OF
the Oldest and best female physiciaus
and nurses in the United States. Full
directions for using will accompany
esch bottle. None genuine unless the
fac. simile Of Curtis & PERxlNs 10 on
the outside wrapper. Sold By eli
Medicine Dealers. Is cents q bottle.
Beware OF limitations.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14

Why do not the business meu Of ous
city take more interest In the route to
the 0kagitp Some stringent measures
shoald b adopted 70 indaee tAe multi.
tude that will visit thsss mines this
spring 70 make the passage vie Victoria
and Hops. which 10 adaistsd By oil who
have tried b5th routss to b decidedly
the bsst. The people Of the Sound an
alive % thu situation aAd ars Offering
every induoement thst can b throws
ont 70 draw the miners that way.-vic,
toria Standard.
The reason 10 plain enough. Ths
business men Of Victoria ara clever 10.
dividaals. Who knew that 10 dealing
With gold mines 10 Britiah Colunhil
they havs IN advantags OVER oil othsrs,
and Who knew quite - we'll that h
dealing With gold mines On Pugs,
0oand they ass at . marked diuadvaa.
tsgs. The eeoets urged By or con.
temporary wosA be fstils. and tlss
moasy sxpsndsd In mailing them vasl-
ID. This sssns 70 b clear 10 Ill bul
the nsvspapsr osa 81 viesoria.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14
the RIVAL ROUTES.

The Fort Hope route to Ruby Creei
isn't quite so magnificent . thing Al
some people have tried to make othei
people believe. The Chiliwhackers. on
the Fraser. below Hope. ere 10 The field
with . rival route, and one that they
claim takes eli the shine from the other
A Chiliwhsck correspondent. writing te
. victoris paper, sits down on The
Hope route in the following emphssic
manner:
By adopting Hope. the miners would
require to rensin on beard the Steam.
boat during one night. which would b
against il from . miners view OF the
matter. Takc also the inconvenlsnce
Of travelling up 70 Hope during the
winter months, - compared with the
Chilli whack route. and it spesks volumes
against the fermes route Tor steamer
during the coming spring can't reach
Hope before the middle Of April. OF
account Of ice. jams, whereas tidewate
reaches up here. o. 10 6umsss. ct al
events, securing this part Of the rive
for early opening Of navigation.
In view Of such statements. made b.
one who clsims TO know. and supposed
BY 10 10 b incontrovsrtibls facts. y.
wonder at the course Of the Victorii
newspapers in urging the Hope trail
upon the consideration Of miners
trail. in the Arst place. that IL purely
imsginasy. and that, in the secout
place, leads from . town the miner
will be unsbls to reach for two month
TO como. The battle of the routes
however, IL one that eur neighbour
north OF the line need not concern
themselves over. for it has been alrsad!
fought and won. and Seattle has Gu
prize 10 her grasp.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14

What 0srnssy intends doisg with
her lately .iserssssd army IL . nsttsr st
present interesting the crowned heads
Of Europe. % it, psscs footing IL con.
sists Of . hali.million men. who can be
placed On tseritosy adjoining and made
most dangerously effective within .
week ct the furthsst. Its reserves are
almost unlimited In number. consist
ing Of . full nillion ex.soldiers. many
Of them veterans Of The Danish, Aus
trian and French wars Of tho Last six.
teen years. and oil capable Of doing
6ns service for their country. In any
struggle she il likely to have Get
many 10 certain of ono or more
allies. the selection Of which will de-
pend upon hsrsslf. and which may b
Italy, Austria. Russis OF Sweden. The
kseping-up Of her immense armament
is NO child's play. even to % powerful
. people. and 10 supposed to mean
more than . menace TO her nsighbors.
Some Imagine that Denmark will be
the scene Of the next War move. Others
place It In Holland, and still others
assert that Belgium will b. included
- we'll. The Germans want more sea
coast. more reom for their war and
mercantile naviss. more colonial pos.
sessions. and more Outside prominence
and importance, like that OF Englapd
This they woald speedily secure b.
taking il Denmark aud Holland. and
this some day they will have. or th,
sisns Of The timss greatly decisive NJ
With Austria and Sweden for allies
Germany ean defy ths world. and cal
place Ruropsan boundary lines to suit
herself.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14
EAATERU srArn,

New York. Feb lS-A Washington
special says an argument was made be.
fore the House Committee on Claims
t,day. BY ex-Represeotative Wiltshire oil
Arkansas. urging the payment Of the
claim OF General John A. Sutter fo1
$50. 600.
CoHooRD. N 81, Fob l3-The Rsput.
lican State Committee has fixed upon
Nay 9th - the time for holding the
State Convention to elect delegates to
the Republican National Convention.
There IL strong feeling that delegates
should 60 10 Chicago unpledged.
wAsH1Sorox. Feb l3-The Presiden,
t-dey Issued another proclamation, aim.
liar to that Of last year. warning inter.
lopers not to trespass on the Indian
Territory undsf pain OF removal By the
military. il ps6essary.
The Secretary Of the Treasury gives
notice that b will, at noon Of each
Wednesday hereafter. receive proposals.
tor the aale to tho Government, ct the
New York Assistant Tressurer's Office,
OF the following bonds. the procesds TO
b applied to the sinking fund. The
amouut Of the sale each Wednesday ID
TO b one hundred million Sc OF 1850,
Sc Of 1881. and Sc OF 1881. The pro.
pssals ahoald give full parti .ulars, a
heretofore mentioned, and tho motheda
OF procedure - to returning 1uarsn,y
checka 30, will also be - heretofore.
CaIcAoo. Feb. l2-Ths Lovasr,
Washington special says the Senate
having rejected ell the Ohio superv,-
ecrs Of census on account ct their bcinQ
Republicans. Democrats are snxiouslv
watching TO zee what the President will
do next. An Ohio Republican Of
prominenee says tho President does noa
intend 10 submit 10 any Slictation, but
viii nominsts other Republicans for
the positions without regard to the
threat conveyed by the action Of the
Senate.
WARRINGTON. Feb. l2-Speaker Ran.
dali has coosrnted % recognize Con.
gresham Finley On Monday next 70
move = Suspension Of the rules for the
consideration OF the Bill 10 equalixe The
bounties cf soldiers Who served in the
late war. The Till provides . bounty
At tSx per month for the service 81
each soldier wao enlisted bstwees
Aprii !. 1851. and before July Is. 1855
all peovioas bosnties received TO b
dsducted. Including bosntiss paid b.
beates and oounties. With the view q
estting IN approximstion = 70 hou
much 0oaoy veald b roQsirsd q
49, sncA slaina Finley addEeased I
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14
TO OWNERS OF vRssxLs.


SEATrLE.. W. r.. Feb. 9. $780,
Expecting 10 short time to be re.
lieved from the dutiss OF U. 8. Local
Inspector of Steam Vessels for The
Pagst Sound District. I wish to notify
ship and steamboat owners that have
thoroughly rebuilt my marine ways, iu
the ship yard ct the loot Of Chesry
street. in Seattle. and shall b prepared
to do ell kinds Of huilding q fcpeirins
vessels ut short notice.
Models, drafts. plane and speciio..
tons Tor building sail or steam vessel,
furnished to order.
All applications for uss OF the ma,ine
Ways must be made TO me in psrsou.
Wn.LlAN HA1gleoND,
Ship aud Seesmboat builder.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14
CALIFORNIA.

San FRANCISCO. Feb. 12.-Arrived
ship Yosemite. and schooners Reporter
and Excslsior. from Seattle; bark Sag
amore. from Utsalsdy; ship War Hawk
from Port Discovery.
Sailed. brig North Star for Por,
Townsend and bark Penang for Bur.
rard Inlet.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14
DusrRuCr coUnr.
THURSDAY, Feb. L.

AhOAoOAAs AeO' 80
John P Judson " The Neigs Lun.
Der and Ship building Company.
judgment on the 5th cause OF action
for t632 O6, and IN additional judgment
Of tl63l IS; and il was further ordered
that the 1st. I'd AID Sd causes of action
be continued for the term.
The petit jury were discharged, and
on the part Of the Territory were al
lowed the following sums: James j
Carr, e53; Terence O'Brien Jr. ISL go;
A A Manning. $4e.20; D W Post.
Isl go; W w Ester, $50; d Snyder.
90. 40; WIN Weedio. 1850. Noble
Edwards. $50; II s Allen, s42.20; W J
Shinn. t5l.20; G n Bywater, $42 90;
WIN Julian. $50; Jas Murogue, $50; s
e C!ough. t42 30; J B Roberts. 42i.2o.
Walter Graham. $3.50: D g Beatty.
az %; ] Krnmm, $5;.60; Gil Hatch.
132. 20; VIM Hafner. $4220; Frank
Dofsn, $3.50, Conrad Betan, $3.50;
H Bowman, $500; Samuel Pratt,
$50 40; James Made. ESQ; C Speaks,
(62. Total. Slice. 80. Tslesmen were
SLOWED - follows: s Mssny, Sl2.20; J
W George. $40; Rob. Russell. IS. 20;
] Haynes. 1920; Geo Walker, 1920;
Michael Day. $50; II Hansen, 1920;
Terence O'Brien, Sr. 1920. Total,
t61 60.
FRIDAY. Feb. ID.
Dexter Horton l. Co 70 II Jones, ad.
ministrntor Of the estate Of d w Crooks
and in his own proper person. Decree
Of foreclosure and sale Of 768.77 acres
OF land in sections II and u. township
IS north. range 8 east;
Margaret C. Pearson vs.. Thomas r.
Pearson Default of defendant entered
and case referred 20 5 G Hyde to take
testimony.
The following cases were. on motion
of the respective plaintiffs, continued
for the term: d N Hyde ". Nicholas
Murphy; Charlotte Haller w. VIM
Moore; David Higgins w. T Hanford
John Leary ". James Mcknight; John
Getchell ". David Dingwald; Moore
Hunt q Co vs.. Mclaughlin & McNs
mara; H L Yesler vs.. Horace Bacon
Puget Mill Co. W. Horace Lyons.
The following bailiffs we're ordered
discharged for the term w w Barker
II A Bige!ow. William Druitt and ] Il
Woolery.
Sarah E Bourn We. q A Me;gs ct ell
Receiver appointed for bark Northwest
TO navigate said vessel. who will be re-
quired to give q good and sufficien,
bond for the safe return OF said vessel
VIM Bsuuton W. The Owners Of the
steamer Nellie Dismissed on plaintiff
motion and ct PLAINTIFF cost.
The argument On the motion for Q
new trial in the case of tho Territory
". George d Rodney will be heard by
Judge Greene tomorrow Saturday,
morning Ut Q o'clock.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-02-14

Garlic is said to be sovereign REM
edy for govt. There is NO remedy for
garlic.