The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-05-27

~ fgF On baking day. sees Roodiy store
SAT- And half unconscious does not break
YOU'VE LAWYER:o We doubt if the
failure of the tailor to. deliver your
pants on time. could be construed into
breach of promise. If you are really de,
termined to bring an action, sue him for
unfulGlled promise of breeches. q
II y was while out fishing for shad with
a a ppiece of liver that Patrick Henry
Composed his address on the Declare
ton, beginning with those remarkable
words: F"Liver die, sinkera swim, etc.
-Cincinnat; Saturday Night. ~ yas !,
"WHAT, twenty-five cents pound
for sausages! Why, can get 'em down
at Scnmidt's for twenty cents. = 'Vell,
der, Wy didn't yer ~ g" Cause schmidt
is out Of, ,em," "Vell, den, nv was
oudt of ,em I sell 'em for twenty cents
too.", ct Aaled dszss!ss sssf ,asyoEI zasa.
AN old lady recently visiting prison
asked one of The attendants why the
prisoners received such coarse food. He
told her it was to keep their blood from
becoming impure And when asked
what. they would do if their blood was
impure, he dryly responded, I" Break
out" 1870 zol assalssEaas asooas 8;a
" PRICES move all articles. In winter,
when there is no sale for ice, q man can
slip and spraiE his ankle on it at every
corner ?bnt when summer comesi it goes
eup, so high that two small Jumps in
glass cost twenty cents, though, to be
sure, the bar-keeper. throws in q liquid
chronno.aa 0sa 99S uuisaas esa ala.
.bSsA CLERGYMAN. in Massachusetts, who
exchanged pulpits with a brother cler,
sgyman last Sunday was congratulated
at the close Of the. service by a friend
on, the good attention given by his
hearers. Yes, ~ was the reply, ssthere
were only four asleep in the congrega-
! A. yoUNa fellow tried to scare a
sBrooklvn widow by appearing to her as
her, husband d's ghost. But, as he was in
the house about IL o'clock at night and
didn't appear drunk, she detected the
fraud Atsonce and d9tkumpedthe intruder
on the head with fire shovel. a. L..
IVA YOUNG nan may know that his
girl is in need Of tooth brush, and yet
e he gives her one she'll take it as an
insult i butglet them give her bouquet
that will yithsr in few hours ana sne' u
athink he's Just too nice for anything.
But the fellow will marry that girl, be
cause heswants a practical wife.
Now timeous winds, with indolence, isii3z
3 g Sigh In the Wales profundlty,, s..,-.F
lyE - And hyperborean trucuience 49, - =
w5sshs HISS 5ss II
ID. In sweet compaginafien sing, s-rss ..
s2r Ruricolisis and oppidans e
|az In pereration sex the spring. o
- The e gentleman who. had been of
for :, fishing excursion and sent q
paragraph to the local paper saying,
chat l"Mr. Jones has sent home q fine
mess ofr.speckled, beauties, '" could not
ACCOUNT for the warm reception from
his, wife, until he read that Mr.. Jones
had been fined and sent home for mess
with some freckIed Beauties and then
he went for the newspaper man with a
rod. egasssas4 Ct h@agha5s5 eFeesa spe s
a You remember the story of the guest
who was eating more butter than biscuit,
while the landladya looked on and
fidgetede and limited until she fairly
went into a nervous fit., Finally she
said: sDo YOU know butter is worth
sixty -fivescents tapound ~ The hungry
guest reached out and, took what was
left. "Well," he drawled. approvingly
and reassuredly, "good butter is wuth
it.n,-B Bswdette. iad.a.l a,ssl ..sa. . g
lie sLoNGFELLoWs looks upon Sunday as
'tthe golden cfasp that binds together
the volume Of the week." We thought
it was that at first, when we saw fel-
low with a cane and a book with a
golden clasp going one Sunday towards
the depot. But the cane was a fish pole
that telescopes out, and the dingus with
the golden clasp was new tangled con-
cern for carrying fish bait: 81. 1t
looked like a prayer boek. Probably
Mr.. Longfellow has encountered the
same kind of tourist. t.-PecPs San.