The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1880-01-05

MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

"Bf0Iled spring chicken Ior Yea, enl
said |. "And lobster salad and fried oys-
ters! Upon my word, this looks as if we
were going to have company"
$50 we are, my DEAR" said my wife,
looking a little guilty, as she polished up
the surface of the big silver tea-tray
VITA new chamois leather. "They are
oil come to visit me-Uncle Silas and
Aunt Melicent, and the children, and
Cousin Joab, and the two Miss Wilmer
dings, and my Aunt Louisa, to meet
the Rev. Mr. Speakwell, from Minnesota,
who married nay second cousin, Jerusha
Wilde. Mr.. Speakwell is troubled with
the catarrh, and he thinks Of staying at
our house for few weeks while he is
being treated by DR.. Dosen."
put down my linen duster and brown
paper parcels with some emphasis.
"Oh, confound the Rev. Mr.. Speak
,xellp said l.
"Johnp calculated my wife. ~ -
"Well, my dear, I can't help it." said
]. Ttsnot in human nature to endure
everything. And I've been relationed out
of all patience since our marriage. The
Jenkinses went away last week, the
Birdsalls took affectionate leave yester-
day, and now, just as | was contemplate
ing peaceful evening by ourselves,
here's a new swarm, hungrier than the
rest, Just about to settle down upon u.s.
In my opinion, Kitty, my dear, relations
should be abolished"
II am surprised at you, John," said
my wife. my own people, that are so
fond Of me-" - >. ~ .
"There's where you are mistaken, my
DEAR" said l. "Its your comfortable
springs beds and good cookery that
they're fond of-not you"
"Johnp
"Pd be willing to wager good round
sum on the truth of my assertion"
said l. - u.
Because you have no relations your
SELF" ..,N
"Thank Providence for thatr' said I
devouty. 81 was reared in foundling
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerable success in this
VERDI" -. n.
otis no reason why you should find
fault with mine," said Kitty, with her
bright blue eyes full Of tears. "And Mr..
Speakwell is such a spiritually minded
man, and dear Uncle Silas loves you as
if yon were his only son, and Cousin
Joab is SO interested in our children"
"I'm much obliged to 'em," said l
dryly. "ButI slept all last week on soft
cushions laid in the bath-tub; and we
had fourteen people here over the ami
versaries; and l was obliged to give
up my room for month last winter to
old Mr.. Manswel, not to speak Of our
being half poisoned with Aunt Louisa's
hygienic messes in the fall. When the
poet said, There's no place like home,' ]
presume lie meant when there were no re-
1ations visiting. I'll tell you what, my
DEAR" with the sudden inspiration, "Tve
great mind formally to deed over this
house to your relations, if they will
agree solemnly to leave me in peace for
the rest of my life, wherever / may set
up my family tents"
"NonsenseT said my wife. "Do go
up stairs and change your things, and
brush your hair, and get ready for tea.
They're all waiting in the best parlor,
and was expecting your return to see
about hiring some cot beds at the village
hotel to put up in the attic for those
little Speakwell children. You see,
Aunt Louisa has the blue bedroom, and
Cousin Joab sleeps in the little wing
chamber, and MI. and Mrs. Speakwell
will have our room, and"
"Indeed!" said l. "And we are to
sleep in the barn, I suppose"
Don't be cross, john" said my wife,
appealingly. zone must be hospitable,
you know. And | can easily make up
the sofa-bed in the back parlor for our
use for a week or so."
said nothing, but ground my teeth in
silent despair, and sprang upstairs two
steps at time, to make what changes /
could in my toilet by the aid Of ten by
twelve glass hung over the wash-stand of
astutty little bathroom.
The Rev. Mr. Speakwell was a big
man, with still bigger voice, and a
limp, faded little wife, whose sole earthly
interest seemed centered in her four
white-eyed, freckled faced children.
Uncle Silas and Aunt Mellicent were
silent couple, with excellent appetites,
and two small boys who giggled and
snickered teach other in the intervals
of the conversation.
Cousin Joab talked incessantly with
his mouth full, and the two Miss Will
merdings served as general echoes to the
rest; while Aunt Louisa devoured lob
ster salad ad libitum, and kept on send
ing up her cup for more green tea until l
trembled for her nerves.
While my wife, careful and troubled,
like Martha of old, with many things,
looked ready to drop with the hospitable
exertions she had made, and !, sitting a
mere cipher at the head of my table,
felt as if | was keeping a boarding-h g-house
without any Of the pecuniary emolu-
uents therefrom.
"My trunks will be up on the o'clock
train" said the Rev. Mr. Speakwell;
"'ll trouble you, Cousin Poyntz, to send
an expressman to the depot for 'em.
And if there's any apartment in the
dnp,ioi1o Couain pnvntz that cnuld no