Morning journal and courier., 1880-05-10
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 VENEERED.

ssNow look," cried the gay auctioneer, "This carpet-one dollar hear An af-make 1t two- GoDg-gone rna'am, to you Dirt cheap-And you settle right here." Her name was called out rather loud; She blushed there while eyed by the crowl; Two dollars she laid, On the desk, quite afraid, And felt of her bargain so proud. How soon her sweet pleasure was marred, For the auctoneer eazsd at hsr hard; Fifty more," he exclaimed, ''You bid, mA'aIn, two dollars yard"
 Cats have no fixed political belief. They are usually on the fence. Nothing Is wholly bad. Even dark lantern has it's bright side.-Selma Sunbeam. Mary Beane deemed herself neglected by her lover at Denver, and shot the man with whom she found him playing cards when he ought to have been visiting her. This shows the wicksdnsss of card playing.-Boston Post.
 A woman was standing on one side of deep river. She couldn't swin, there was no bridge or boat to go over in, and she did not know what to do. until little boy threw big stone in the water which spattered the woman and she got cross in an instant.
 Mir. Bergh's attention is respectfully called to the pictures of the hippopotamus in the spring circus advertisements. We claim, with out fear of successful contradiction, that no animal eau en joy life with his mouth stretched seven feet, even in a woodcut.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 An old lady recently visiting prison asked one of the attendants why the prisoners re- ceived coarse food. He told her it was to keep their blood from becoming impure. And when asked what they would do If their blood was impure, he dryly responded, ''Break out
 When Kentucky legislator appeals from the decision of the Speaker; he never uses such ambiguous language as T most respect fully appeal from the ruling of the chair" No he remarks in the simple language of the Southwest, Look hyar, yer pig headed snide! Wat argers I ken back up. Draw yer wee pins if yer ker ter; but if yer don't back water on that eer decision, down yer go in yer tracks, Dye hear me !"-B Boston Transcript.
 A Philadelphia youth, who committed sui eide twenty years ago because lovely being gave him the mittsp has been heard of through an uptown medium. He says that when he gazes through the misty veil which divides life and death and sees his old flame now with her fourteen children lying around loose, while she cleans house, he gets mad enough at his folly to commit suicide again, and his greatest pun ishmsnt is in the reflection that he can't Philadelphia Times.
 s'The circus is coming" remarked Mrs. Goodington, laying down her paper, with no end or trained horses and caramsls, hy- pothenuses and other bedizeps of the forest and jungle. How well remember the first time Daniel took me to the circus As 1 en- tered the tainted enclosure, I said to him, How terribly the wild animals growl, don't thsy?' was eenamost frightened to death, till Daniel told me it was only the vendoos of peanuts and prize packages plying their roga- ton. ."-Boston Transcript.
 Mistress (to new arrival who had been sent to put letter in the lamp post box)- ''Why, Bridget, where have you been all this time ?" Sure, I've been with the letther, ma'am." Mistress-tI know that but what kept you so long, and why didn't you put the letter into the box as I told you ?" Bridget (with desperate emphasis s)-"Why didn't I sure enough Didn't go to livery wan of thim, and the doors of thim boxes was all locked, ma'am. I'm kilt entirely wid trayelin' round the sthreets all day, so am."