The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-05-19
wAIFS AND WHIMs.
a Mvswedding trip" said the groom,
a he tyippsd over his Wife's train.

| as he trippsd over his Wife's train.
To annibiIate the Indians, says the
Chicago Journal, send them the puzzle
! Of IS. z''t '' :,
TEE Prince Of Wales wants more sal.
ary. It's hardly likely that he will
| strike, however. r@rHh gorfa 3iI sl
la WHEN Bruttts and Oassius were boys
the girls used to say that Brute was such
3 nice fellow, but they preferred Cash.
The girls haven't changed one Bit
MORE than thirty-tbree professional
baseball players in Philadelphia are
| without arrangements Call you this re-
turning prosperity? Oh, the irony of
the word
AN old man in Virginia jumped into
the well to spite his wife for running
him into debt. She let him stand in
three feet of ice-cold water until he
agreed to deed her the whole farm.
WHAT blessing it is" said hard
working Irishman, I" that night nivir
comes on till late in the day, when man
is tired and can't work any at all, at
all.' -le haa a. MS.
OYSTER stews of theological aspect
are pumped from the earth in Virginia
City. The account says: "At a depth of
seventy-four feet hot water is struck,
which has a pepper and salt favor
Danbtry Neacs.
BLIFFERs says he went the other day
to inquire after the health of the young
damsel who has charge of his neighbors
dairy, and when he asked, HoW's the
milk maid ?' they slammed the door in
his face and told him to 90 and ask the
COWS, who manufactured the article.
AN attempt to introduce one-cent
coins in San Francisco is strongly Op-
posed by the small dealers. 1t ie thought,
however, that not a person who attends
church once on the Sabbath is opposed
to it. The churches will have to in
crease their pew rates. ., ..r.f-.J -
A LOVING British wife's postscript to
8 letter addressed to her husband in
New York: " Dear William, l have pc
rused the police reports and morgue re-
turns every day, hoping to see your
name" aH5 q. .fr.. .-a.- q.
WELL, Ethel, DEAR" said an uncle
to bis little fiVe-year-oldo niece, elf you
like your new toy, come and put your
arms around my neck and give me a
kiss" The little maiden complied, but
as she did SO, she remarked: " Oh, uncle,
how do spoil your a' t's"-- Ha
In England young gentlemen speak
of their fathers as governor" "pater,"
''the overseer," etc. Here we are more
civilized. We say dad, }" 'the boss" or
"the old mRn." In heathen countries
they say father" but they are away
behind the age. ''.-
BELOVED but unresponsiYe fair one
$50 glad to see you, Cousin Charley.
and so kind of you to drop inl Now
you'll sit a couple of hours with grand
mamma, won't you? just to amuse her
while Arthur and take stroll in the
garden. And be careful to speak as loud
as you can, for she's very, very deaf,
poor dearp -a .. rHEa 20 |
r. A SCoTCHMAN having hired himself
to farmer, had cheese set down be-
fore him that he might help himself.
His master said to him, Saunders, you
take long time to breakfast !" "In
troth, MASTER" answered he, ca
cheese O. this size is ms so soon eaten az
ye may think" i
THE enemies of the Gar of Russia
will attempt shooting him, blowing him
up and stabbing him, and still he will
live until some day when he is fooling
with revolver that isn't loaded, he'll
get the whole top of his head blown of.
or city Derrick. ..-....
a WHAT are sealed proposals. Tom ?'
Archly asked bright eyed miles,
Whose mouth up-turned, like rosebud sWOSts
t-f Seemed asking for kiSR, #.