Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-11-26
Bill Nye.

To-day l cot shaved at barber. shop,
where begged the operator to Kill me
and put me out of misery.
| have been accustomed to gentle
care aud tkoughtfulness at home, and
nv b .rber at Laramie handles me with
the utmost tenderness. / was, there
fore, poorly prepared to meet the man
who this morning filled my soul with
woe.
know that 1 have not deserved this,
for while others have berated the poor
barber and swore about his bad breath
and never ending clatter and his general
hei.rtlessness, l have never said any
thing that was not filled with childlike
trust and hearty good will toward him.
/ have called the attention OF the
public to the fact that customers some
times had bad breath and were restless
and mean while being operated upon,
and then when they are ell fixed up
nicely they put their hats on and light
cigar and hold up their finger to the
weary barber and tell him that they
will see him more subsequently.
Now, however, I feel differently.
This barber, no doubt, had never
heard of me. He no doubt thought l
was al ordinary plug who didn't know
anything about luxury.
l shall mark copy of this paper and
send it to him. Then while he Is read
ing it l will steal up behind with a
pick and kill him. 1 want him
to be reading this when kill him, be-
cause it will assist the coroner in arrlv-
ing at the immediate cause of his death.
The first Whit l took of this mans
breath, knew that he was runs ma.
MAC.
He had the jim James in an advanced
stage. Now, 1 don't object to being
shaved by barber who is socially
drunk, but when the mad glitter of the
maniac is in his eye and l can see that
he is debating the question OF whether
he will cut my head off and let it drop
over the back OF the chair or choke me
to death with lather-brush, it makes
me nervous and tidgety.
This man made up his mind three
times that he would kill me, and some
one came in just in time to save me.
His chair was near the window, and
there was hole in the blind, so that
when he was shaving the oif-side of my
ldCO liz Npuicl tuih hiJ ACot VIVA 1Ai
such position that L could look up
into the middle of the sun. My atten-
ton had never before been called to the
appearance of the sun as it looks to the
naked eye, and was good deal sur
prised.
The more I looked into the very CEN
ter of the great orb of day the more l
was filed with wonder at the might and
power that could create it. began to
pine for death Immediately, so that l
could be far away among the heavenly
bodies, and in land where no barber
with the delirium triangles can ever
enter.
The barber held my head down so
that the sun could shine into my dark
ened understanding, until felt that
my brain had melted and was floating
around and smashing about in my skull
like melted butter.
His hand was very unsteady, too. l
lost faith in him on the start when he
cut off a mole under my chin and threw
it into the spittoon. did not care
particularly, but at the same time l
had not decided to take 1t off at that
time. In fact had worn it so long
that l had become attached to it. 1t
had also become attached to me.
That is why could not restrain my
! tears when the barber cut it off and
then stepped back to the other end of
the room to see how looked withoutit
-DeHrer Tribune.