The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-06-03
PASSING SMILES.
A LOW story. the basement.
DEAD issues-old newspapers.

bEAp lsouto- Olh nov SpaPNAos
THE home stretch putting up
clothes line.
AUTHORS are spoken of as dwelling in
attics, because so few OF them are able
to live on their first story
LIFG on the plains,' book just
on. won't be mucl of a success Only
six Indians killed il he first chapter.
IL reading the personals and depar'
tues in the newspapers one discovers
that distinguished visitors, like loose
powder 20 off with puff.
WHEN Il Georgina man gets too weak
to split watermelon open with an ak,
his relatives begin to look around and
see what's the best they can do ona head
stone.
WuAr," says an inquisitive young
lady, "is the most popular color for
bride" We may be little particular
in such matters, but we should prefer
white one.
If Bismarck insists on his resignation,
the Emperor William knows our address.
Up two flights Of stairs, and knock at
the right-hand door. Don't kick the
panels. Bwdete.
VERY red.haired passenger say,
guard Why on earth don't your train
go on?' Guard" Good gracious, sir!
put your head in; how can you expect
to 60 on while the danger signal is outY'
"IKNow victim to tobacco" said
lecturer, "who hasn't tasted food for
thirty years" GLOW do you know he
hasn'tP asked an auditor. because
tobacco killed him in 1885," was the
reply.
OVER five gallons of castor oil have
been used in oiling the skates OF the
Hartford rink. We are thankful that
new line of industry has opened to the
dreadful stuff.-Danbwy Ne'cs.
He" Why, you see, the fact is, my
dear, | knocked your medieval teapot
Off the top shelf and broke" She
"Oh, my prophetic soul My teapotT
He bitterly =" No. Merely my head! ,
SEE, mammal exclaimed lite
one, as puss, with arching spine and ele-
waited rudder, strutted around the table,
"See, kitty's eat SO much she can t shut
her tail down"
HEAVY swell-(to customer of the
sc)--"I think have seen you before
your face seems very familiar to me"
Customer---"Very likely, sir, was long
a shertt's officer. (Gent collapses.)
A GERMAN traveller in Africa charac-
terizcs people he came across as in
telscly black, dolichocephalic and
p'atyrhine, prognathus, dichotomatic
a ID dolichodactylic." We have seen
man knocked down for less than that.
A YOUNG man who plunged into the
water and rescued a maiden who had
sunk to the river bottom, was rewarded
by her hand. She couldn't doubt his
affection; she knew he was ready to dive
for her.
EMERSON says everything good in
MAJ leans on something higher. Emer-
son is right. We have seen man lean
Oh q telegraph pole, and the only good
in him was beer. At least he said it
was good.
" Here, John don't eat those crackers up"
SAID she with a hateful snap;
lhey'r sJme syed on purpose
10 put in the haby's pap"
We'll" said John, edpiug Tor the door,
Aud reaching for his hat,
What makes you so cross about it, them
Amt the baby's pap"
FANCY Farmer" asks: "How do YOU
keep weeds out OF your garden?' Bless
your soul, we don t. We tried having a
hand-organ play "Pinafore" to them,
but as they still kept on growing, we
concluded that it was best to 60 fishing
and let them grow.
WHEN the intellectual typo isn't careful,
OF the poets voluntary clever rhyme,
He is pretty sure to set them up most fearful
Most fearful
For printers work isoccup,d by time,
Pied by time.
A MAN out West obtained divorce
from his wife. and married again within
three days after the decree was granted.
An risman commenting on the man
action, remarked: "Bedad, he couldn't
have had much respect for his first wife,
to be margin again so soon after LAWN
her"
He was little lawyer man,
Who meekly blushed while he began
Her poor dead husbands will TO scan
He smiled while thinking Of his ft
Then said TO her, 80 tenderly,
" You have nice fat legacy"
And when he lay next day In bed,
With plasters on his broken head,
He wondered what on earth he'd said.
COLONEL INGERsoLL says he doesn'
see chow it is possible for man to die
worth S5,OOO,O00 or SIC, 900, 900 in city
full of want" Nor do we. Editor,
should club together and resolve no. tc
die worth S5,OO0,0O0 or $l0,0O0,o00
We would rather not die at ali than tc
leave this world worth that much money
-NorristOien Herald.