The Red Cloud chief., 1880-01-22
A WOMAN on THE STAND.


Court.
An important case of assault and bat
terry, Shank VS.. James, was up for com.
initial trial before Mr.. Lyle, the Ding
bury Justice of the Peace. Miss Artme
STA Pipes, the principal witness, indeed
the only n of any Importance in tn,
case, was preparing to give her evi
dence, which preparations consisted In
a playful sporting with her bc-ribboned
t~urkey-tail fan and the wreathing of co
Quettish smiles on her ~crow-foOted and
thickly Toured face.
"'Twas bout watermillions an tur
keys" she airily began, pleased with
the interest her entrance had created
and elevated by the important role she
was about TO act. "Watermillions an
turk"
Zone moment, if you please" inter.
rupted MIR. Lytle, who-although he dis.
regarded many of the usual fOrmalities
himself and took many short cuts to
justice when occasion suited, as, for in.
stance, if il was about dinner time
never lost an opportunity of impressing
his hearers with the majesty of the law.
Zone moment, Miss Pipes; until you
have been duly sworn as a witness your
words fall upon this Honorable Court
like ocean spray dashing against rocks
"Oh, l forgot! You see I amt used
to swearin'. Get yer book, Jedge, if
you've got airy one"
The "Jedge" held his s~pectacles on
with one hand, while with the other he
rummaged i'm an old boot that stood un-
der the table, and pulled out the needed
volume. The oath was administered
with much ceremony, and Miss Pipes
was asked If she could give the particu-
lars of the disturbance between Mr..
Shanks and Maj. James.
"You're mighty right, / KIM"
"Do you know the of the quar-
rel?"
"You better bet / do"
You will please omit slang, Miss
Pipes; your vocabulary seems to be
chuck full of il, and no slang is permit
ted before this Honorable Court. What
was the cause of the un~pleasantness ?''
"Water millions an turkeys. You
see, las year, when the caterpillars was
eatin' up ev'body's cotton, Mr.. Shanks
he slips roun' ev'ry day unbeknownist
to Maj. Jeems, an drives the Maje's
turkeys to his cotton patch to ketch the
caterpillars. An one day Maize he fines
1t out, IN he ups he does an"
"The relation of last years proceed
ings will be dispensed with for the pres
ent," said Mr.. Lyle sternly. "Confine
your remarks to the events of last week,
Miss Pipes, and state the immediate
cause of the d~itficulty.n
On being thus checked in her eloquent
flight, Miss Pipes's plumage-her fan
fell. She stiffened up, snapped her eyes
spitefully, and shot out the one word
liquor" Then her lips were closed as
firm as if spring-locked and the key
lost. But, after a good deal of persua-
sion and adroit questioning, Miss Pipes
continued her testimony. You see it
was the Saturday before the second Sun
day i'm December, an me an Jake, which
is my brother Solymun's youngest, an
a pearty boy he is, considerin' he is
a boy"
"Miss Pipes, you will please omit all
reference to your relatives, and inform
this honorable body who began the
fight"
"Well, that was just what / was
comm to. You see it was the Satur-
day before the second Sunday in De-
cember, an me an Jake which is
my brother Solymun's youngest
an a pearty boy he is, considerin' he is
a boy. Jake Pipes is-was goin' over
to Miss licenses to help her with her
sewin,' SEEM as how she was behind
ham with it from havin' a run-round on
her thimble finger. l mean l was goin'
to sew, not Jake, he bein' only a boy,
but a pearty one, considerin' he is a boy
- he was only goin' long with me fur
comply like, becus l had ter walk be-
Gus old Peter had hooks in his eyes an
couldn't be rid"
Miss Pipes here paused in her recital
to catch her breath and toy girlishly
with the curl that was securely tied with
a shoe-string to her back hair and dan
gled gracefully Over her shoulder. Ad-
vantage was taken of this silence, and
the question vas asked: "What kind of
weapon was used?"
"Pine knots"
Sand who struck the first blow?"
Snow, look here; pap tole me you'd
all be cross-questionin' me, an to look
out and not get ketched."
"Do you know who struck the first
blow?"
"You're mighty right I do! Twas
Shanks! Twas Saturday before the
second Sunday, an me an Jake, which
is my brother Solymun's youngest, an a
peart lad he is, ~considerin' he is a boy,
Jake Pipes is-was goin' W. to Miss
Jeemeses. to help her with her SEWN,
seein' as how she wus behine-han' with
BILE finger. mean l wus goin' to sew,
not Jake, he bein' only a boy, put a
peart one he is, considerin' he is a boy;
an he wus only goin' long for comply
like, becus l had tel walk becus old
Peter had hooks in his eyes an couldn't
be rid. An Jake. std o. keepin' in
the path, KEEP dodgin' in an out the
bushes, till the fust thing l knowed
Jake he called me. oh, Aunt
Magnesia!' SEE he. My right name
is Artemesia, but Jake always calls me
: Aunt Magnesia,' becus I'm so fair like.
sWhat?' SEE L. sl;ye ketched q possum
an you orter see how he suIls,' seq
Jake. Bring him out, jake SEE /.
Jake brung him out an axed me if l
didn't want to buy him, but I sed no.
You see / like possum, but possum
don't ike me. So Jake said he'd take
the possum an sell him in Dingyburg;
an, 'thout waitin' to hear any ruthers
whether / wanted to let him 60 or no,
of he scoots down the wire road like
,reased lightning an leaves me aggggin'
IN behine, an
aThis august body before which you
IRE now assembled is not interested in
he : scooting' of Jacob Pipes, ma'am,
ind I am compelled to request that you
viii confinc yourself to facts pertaining
o the case of Shank VS.. James," said
n. Little, with q judicial frown above
is spoctacles, those formidable green