The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1880-03-26
GEMS OF mUMOR.

NEMJ UT nHmVhS
ATAnoR never strikes his goose when
it is down.
THE mule always puts his best foot
hindmost. i 4
liz all sinners were stoned, there
wouldn't be doctors enough to dress the
stonebruises. - Whitehall Times.
Tom SCoTT, the railroad king, was a
"counter hopper" but he never parted
his hair in the middle or ate soup with
fork .@
A sLANDER-co CONDENSER is useful
title article that remains to be invented
some benefactor Of humanity,
The reason " the boy stood on tho
burning deck !" was because it was too
hot TO sit down.
JOHN: The philosophy Of dog'srun-
ming when can is tied to his tail, in
stead Of biting the string of, is not very
clearly understood.
THE Pekin Gdzette is the Oldest news
paper in the world, which confirms our
belief that the Chinese are the. Oldest
and most accomplished liars.
Do not lend your paper and cheat the
printer. People who do not pay for the
papers they read have the hardest kind
of time trying to get to heaven.
THE betrayed dollar is one that finds
itself not able to pass for more than
ninety cents after it has been stamped
in God we trust"
The two great pleasures in living are
in having something TO love and 70 hope
for, and the last Of these is ever before
us in the promiseof tomorrow.
A BOYS idea Of having tooth drawn
may be summed up as follows: The
doctor hitched fast to me, pulled his
best, and Just before it killed me the
tooth came out" 3iqlt fii aM
A LADY pointing to a load OF three
bales Of cotton on her wagon yesterday,
remarked 81" My gal Sal and another
mule made them three bales this sea-
SON." -.
If leap year sociabies were as effective
for producing matrimonial alliances as
t that old stand-by--the front gate-
ministers and justices of the peace
/ would reap rich harvests.
5 SIR GARNET WoGsEbEY has dis
s covered that the ten English mission
7 aries in Zululand for the last twelve
+ years have grown fat and, rich but have
e mot converted one single native.
1 THERE is patient in one of che New
3 York hospitals who in his delirium, con-
a stantly calls out, Nextl Nextp The
C physicians are undecided whether he is
8 q college professor or barber, it.s,
v a PERFUMER proposes to start out
4 with this motto for 1880: "If don't
! make $4,000 this year won't make a
} scent" but we would like to see him
q prove it. M MaAth 83
/ WHEN the morning stars sang To-
. gether it made the music of the spheres
I But nobody but the milkman was out
/ Of bed to hear it, That's the reason II
II didn't pay advertising. expenses and
/ never has been repeated.
/. IFthe theorist who AYERS that ANIMAL
is can resist temptation will experlmen
. by poking bis neighbor's big bull dog II
" the ribs he'll find that his theoNE, to
Iy gether with his trousers, will be torn Il
is shreds.
lie "JoHN," said doting parent to he
" gormandizing son, ado you reall
II think that you can eat the whole of ths
pudding with impunity% II don
know mar" replied the young hopefu
+" but can with q spoon"
WHEN man gets a coat he doesn
!, cut piece off the corner OF the goods
y which it is made and send it to b
% brothers, as women always send piet
- to their sisters when they get ne
- = dress. That'sa good way to tell ma
from woman. Fiji
,e. IF anything is apt to cause Chri
ge tian carpenter to depart from Il
4 ~ STRAIGHT but narrow path that leads
IN eternal light by indulging in a qui
III oath. Il is the matter OF missing to b
az az the nail on the head and hitting che ms
.al on the finger.
"a You may meet with twenty men
- the day who stutter, but. you. new
W 10 heard of a woman who had an impet
,ay ment in her speech.
yer OuR Indian policy-Break treat
ON With him: steal from him; put bul
nd ING. incompetent and dishonest age
rid over him; send soldiers TO kill him.
ue he resists the soldiers, take away
ed land and hang him in the interest OF
m superior civilization-V Virginia M
ed Chronicle
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