The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1880-07-29

Ii | eat dates enough will 1 grow
up to DO an almanac -
No one knows how much comfort
u person can tako smoking in bed
until they have called out the Fire
Department.
What is m)ro deserving OF our
sympathy than young man with
but 10 cents IN his pocket, girl on
each arm, aud seven leo cream signs
lu sight
Whcnyor call n Connecticut man
4 liar he may hit you ON the nose
or he may wait aud poison your COW.
IL IL this uncertainty which makes
tho NutmcScrs civil to each other.
How macy men take tho fatal
step in life with the idea that they
ate getting an angel, and soon after
marriage ind that they have moth
ing but woman.
A fabric Of dress goods is being
manufactured in Germany from II
prepared article Of glass, that is to
say, glass is the basis Of the woven
goods. 1t is as Gno as the product
Of the silk worm.
a Chicago man makes a living by
finding lost articles. Ho goes TO
public gardens, parks, etc, every
morning before daylight, aud looks
for anything which persons may
have dropped dnring tho previous
evening.
"Ma,' said an inquisitive little girl,
will rich aud poor folks live togcth.
or when they 30 to heaven 2 Yea,
my dear, they will be all alike
there. Then, ma, why don't rich
aud poor Christians associate togeth-
or here p Tho mother did not ans.
wer.
at is said that tho malo wasp
does not sting But as the male
aud female wasp wear tho same kind
ufpolonaisc aud look as much alike
rs twins, the only way to distinguish
their sex IL 10 catch one and then
examine its arsenal. If it stngs
you, it is II female if not, it isu
gentleman wasp.
"Do you SEQ that spring over
there = said settler III Arkansas
to II stranger. "N ell, that's au
iron spring, that is ; and 80 it's 80
mighty powerful that the farmers
horses about hero that drink the
water OF 1T never hayo to bo shod
The shoes just grow on their feet
nat rally
There are three things that no man
can keep-a point on II peucil II
pCiutol joke and m appointment
with dentist. There arc three
things no woman can do--cross be.
fore horse hurry for II horse.car
and understand tho difference be.
tween ten minutes and half au h our
a woman says very fow men have
tho slightest idea how to hold II
baby, And We don't suppose one
in hundred has the slightest de-
sire to hold one. If it is Il female
baby he is willing to hold it after it
reaches the ago OF seventeen years.
TO keep bacl; part of tho truth
may not always bo wrong, since it is
not cvory-body's business to know
everything. But TO keep part Of
the truth with an intention to de.
cciyo, is falsehood, quito as much as
an outspoken lie.
A fow Sundays ago we heard a
preacher OF tho Gospel, who holds
forth in Chemuug county, make use
Of this vigorous comparison
"A hypocritical Christian can no
more get into heavea than raccoon
can CLIMB stove-pipe with u tea
kettle tied to his tail.
"Sambo," says Pat, "give us a
soug,"
II cant sing, massa," replies
Sambo.
Gait sing, is it ~ responds
Pat" thin why is your leg stuck in
the middle of your fut, like a bird,
if you cant sing ~
Young man, never lose your pres-
ence of mind when you arc in try
ing situation, When you take the
girl you love to picnic, and you
wander away together to commune
with nature, aud she suddenly ex.
clames, "Oh, George, there is an ant
down my back T. don't stand still
with your mouth open don't faint /;
don't go for the girls mother go
for the ant.
81 should like to have you raise a
club, said seven-by-nine book
canvasser to a daughterof Erin, as
he stood on the front step, trying to
Talk her to death on the subject OF
the " Extinction of the tribes of the
Seventh Century, IL will, said
Biddy, as she reached around behind
the door, "but bad luck to your pic
ture if you're lingering around here
when | get it raised" lie didn't