Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1880-05-20
JOE'S WIFE.

l. WlllC, dtdI OIu lO4 bIC
purpose of inviting you to visit us.
Dent refuse. My wife heartily seconds
the invitation. All, Tom, she's jewel
wife. [ know if you could meet such
a one you would forsWear bachelOrhood.
She is the dearest, sweetest, best tenn
pered, loveliest-the English language
fails me here, but, as you are always
better than on the unabridged, | be
seech you to look therein for some en-
dearing adjectives and complete the
sentence. You, you who sing about
the felicity of bachelor Hall, when
you have seen my happy home, will
Tom. l won't take a refusal. Yours,
etc, JOE HALL.
answered his letter thus:
My DEAR JoE-I thought when / last
saw you | could never be tempted to
jeopardize my peace of mind or my
bones by again placing myself at the
mercy of yourpracticaI jokes. But have
no other recourse now than to accept
your invitation. You must promise me,
my dear fellow. you will not play any
OF your jokes. A married man ought
TO be more dignifed, and if you play
any tricks Oh me | warn you / shall
board the first train for home.
Yours, ETC., Tom THURsTON.
/ went. | was met at the train by
Joe's servant, a man who had a long
body, dressed in long coat, long
waistcoat, long necktie, long hat,
long boots, and whose name was Long.
| instinctively hated this man. He
scrutinized me closely; returned the
scrutiny. He watched my every move
ment as a detective would a supposed
criminal I watched his movements as
a tlmid man would a vicious CANNES.
We aT length reached Joe's house.
anticipated Joe's welcome, but in his
place came the loveliest woman [ ever
saw. 1t Is true, as Joe said, | was al
ways fluent In language, but to this day
| cannot find words to satisfy me in de-
scribing her surprising beauty.
Joe, joe" thought |, at is we'll for
you that you met her first"
you are Mr.. Illusion ?" she asked,
timidly approaching me, and shyIy
glancing at me from under her evelids
| informed her / was the parsonage, and
inquired tor Joe.
For answer, that gentleman himself,
who was on horseback, sprang from the
saddle. grasped my hand. and like the
irrepresslble Joe of old, cried;
GLAD to see you. old boy! Well
have glorious old times, as of old!
Wen hunt, fish, smoke, etc., till you
grow so fat, hale and hearty, that your
most intimate friends won't know you.
Come, let's 60 in, tea Is waiting. Par
don me for not introducing you, but /
suppose you introduced yourself in my
apsence. Apropos. it was i1hospitable
IN me to absent myself on your arrival,
but business called me away"
So rattling on, Joe ushered me into
the c. ziest little parlor that ever a poor
bachelor was called on to envy. Bul
the coy little wife? What was the
envy of the room with It's adornments
to the envy of such wife? Must / adj
NIT 1t ?-l might as well admit 1t right
here as any further period of my recit-
all felt thrill at my heart. 1t was a
thrill of exquisite palma thrill of jeal-
ousy of Jue's happiness.
"Joe." mentally cried, "better, far
better Tor me if l had declined your in
vitation."
Presently we had a most refreshing
supper, after which Joe and I strolled
out for walk and smoke.
Joe" | exclaimed, enthusiastically,
"your enc miums of your wife were
merited. She is indeed a treasure. Bv
Jove, if l could find such jewel /
would never rest until l had won and
married her"
Joe was on the point of lighting q
cigar when begun, but paused with
upralsed match till | had finished-and
the match hurr ed his fingers.
thought for time he was angry at my
impetuosity, but his face cleared away
and the old wicE Cd twinkle that | feared
so much came to his eyes. He grasped
my hand, saying:
You're right, my boy; she's the
dearest little wife in the universe. I'm
glad you like her"
AT er We had finished our cigars and
talked some time of our old college
day = we re-entered the house.
Nellie" cried Joe, opening the
piano. flavor Tom and me with q tune
He has passion for music"
Perhaps, Mr.. Tburston"-began she
but was interrupted by Joe.
mo, Nellie, l protest! No mastering
around here. It's plain Tom. Do you
hear, Tom? She's to call you Tom
and you're to call her Nellie. Viola
ton of this rule will incur my eterna
displeasure. Govern yourselves &C
cordipgly."
Perhaps he will object" pleaded
Nellie.
mo, no." l exclaimed, at will please
me Very much-and-I will feel high
ly honored to be allowed to address yor
by that NAME"
"Pshaw, Tom! It'll please her. Won
it. Nrll?"
she laughed and gave me bewitch
ing look accom- panied by nod.
L was going to say" said Nellie
that perhaps you could sing witt
me-"
No, no, excuse me; 1 can't sing
Nellie"
The word was uttered with gasp ano
l certainly turned violently red in the
face. Joe was looking at me, and
saw he had desperate struggle to con
troll the muscles of his mouth.
| was indeed fond of music. but was
entranced with her magnificent voice
The evening passed on golden wings
Joe ran on III his wild old ways; told his
jokes and laughed just as boisterously
as he did when we roomed together a.
college. He did not give us much
chance to join in the conversation; fol-
LOFT ~