davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21
AN EDITOR ON THE JURY

The Clinton Patriot Democrat serv-
cd M u Juror lust week, md here IL
the conclusion he came to in regard
to editors US jurors
Under tho new law (abominable
thing) We served as u juror during
tho rnst week. The experiment il u
farce. lou may teach ~ mule the
multiplication table, but whoever
heard Of an editor making a compe-
tcut juror. Just imagine how Harry
Hyams, Bill Annis, Jastremski, Reese
or Pcctc Brewer would look in u jury
box. Why, they'd frightcn all the
law and tho evidence out Of the very
hest juror that could be selected. Tho
thing is u failure, and tho body that
made the law was u failure. Editors
know too little to listen to tho law
ycrs' pratc about Justice and equity.
Their heads aro or their delinquent
subscribers, and thciJ timc is taken
f, up absorbed, by hnn'ing up those
who owe them and lodging those
whom they owe, and whose names
mc legion. An editor tits IN very
well ut q candy pulling, u quarterly
meeting or ~ Temperance picnic, pro-
vide,l tho addresses nre short and fai
between, and tho dinner proportions
atcly large, but never in u Court
house. The fact is, they abhor law
Us " child does physic. The last
Legislature was drunk 'lcnd drunk
when it made them (the cditors) liable
to be drawn by tho Commission, and
the Commission should never hesitat,
to pitch their names into the spittoo'
whenever they come to 'em. Editor
know too little md arc too poor 10 ~
anything.
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

The Montgomery (Ala") Advance,
published and edited by colorcd men
says: "Fraud is the cry of the Re-
publican papers of the North about
the Democratic party of Alabama
Go on--sing on as much and as long
as you please; We colorcd men aidet
the Democracy in rolling up the large
majority, and don't you forget it: We
arc satisfied"
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

Tho Opclousas Courier has entered
It's twenty eighth year, having been
established in 1852. Il is one Of the
nblcst and most consistent Democratic
journals in the State.
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

An old lady in Texas, says she could
never imagine where all the Smiths
came from until she saw in II New
England town % large sign with the
words -"Smith Manufacturing Com
pNny.,
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

Natclitochcs Register: Henry
Ward Bee her, it is said, will take
part in the Republican canvass this
fall, That's sufficient. Good bye,
Garfield. Any party that would carry
such u rotten load as Bccclcr, is sure
tO perish.
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

neither will your lnr,ler. This gained
and in 4 few years your prosperity
will equal his, and tho Western "l'og
and hominy" lords Of creation will no
longer be- your masters.
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

The Plaqucminc South makes tho
following very just comment: One
of the beauties of the present license
law is that u man might employ half
y dozen pcaple to run drays, trucks,
carriages and cabs, and pay a license
of IS to the State, provided he swcars
that his receipts arc not over $4,000.
Whereas, u poor man with possibly
one dray drawn by u crippled horse
pays the same license and yet the
liberal gentleman who originated thi'
bill was willing to give tax collectors
the muuiiiccnt remuneration Of pei
cent for collecting same!
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

The Couricr-,Journal has as yctsccn
no statement in any Republican organ
~ to the whereabouts of that former
10, 600 Republican majority in Maine.
The disappearance is most rcmarka-
bic. If said disappearance had taken
place in Il Southern State every Rep
nblican organ would swear the 10000
had been shot to pieces. Have they
been shot to pieces in Maine?
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

On Monday last DR.. White, a ply.
sician of good practice in Philadelphia,
swan from the foot of Howard street,
New port X. !. to Narragansctt Pier,
where he arrived in good form. The
water was very cold and his course
WAS for some distance in the open
ocean. The distance is fully eight
miles and the act has never before
been accomplished in the memory OF
man.
Louisiana capitolian., 1880-09-21

The Washington Post says: "Per-
l,aps tl,ercis is no other report in relation
to General Hancock TINT Is 80 disgust
ing to the Clristian statesmen as the
rumor that he has been heard tO msc
swear words. But those afflicted
brethren may find consolation in tho
fact that General Hancock has never
sworn that he took u SJN)O fec under
conditions that made the fee punish
able by Imprisonment for two years
and ~ fine of $40, ,MO."
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
A Farmers Offset.

A "HIRED MAN" who was employ.
IA ed on farm in this country for
several months entered suit against his
employer the other day for balance of
wages, amounting, as he claimed, to $32
The suit was on trial in Justice Alley,
yesterday, and it looked at first as if the
plaintiff had a clear case. He gave
dates and figures in straightforward
way, and seemed very honest young
man. When the farmer took the stand
he said:
L claim an offset for that $92. No
man need sue me for what I honestly
owe."
"What is your offset ?" asked the
lawyer.
"He is an unbeliever."
In what2"
"Why, in the bible"
"What has that got to do with your
owing him $32 ?"
1T has heap to do with it. had
six hands in my employ, and we were
rushing things when hired this man.
He hadn't been with us two days when
they stopped the reaper in the middle
of the forenoon to dispute about Daniel
in the lions den, and in three days we
had regular knock down over the
whale swallowing Jonah. The man
who run the mower got to arguing about
Samson, and drove over stump and
damaged the machine to the tune of $ls,
and the very next day my boy broke
his leg by climbing fence to hear and
see the row which was started over the
children of Israel going through the
Red Sea. 1t wasn't week before my
wife said she didn't believe Elijah was
fed by the ravens, and hang me if ]
didn't find myself growing weak on
Noah and his flood. That's my offset
sir; and if he was worth anything I'd
sue him for a thousand dollars be.
| Sides"
The court reserved his decision fol
twenty-four hours.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19

One day during the summer OF 1910
the Due de Berry, taking walk In Paris
with his wife, was returning towards
the Elysee when q heavy rain shower
came on. The two promenaders took
refuge under q porte coctere already
tenanted by young man with the APP
pearance of clerk, who had an um-
brella. When the storm had abated the
Due stepped up to the young fellow and
asked whether he would mind lending
the umbrella. The other was suspicious,
but the Due persisted, and asked its
owner whether he would mind offering
the lady his arm rs far as her residence.
The clerk willingly agreed to do SO.
That individual garrulous by nature,
soon opened conversation by the
query as to whether his companion
lived In the quarter they were then in.
"Quite close to here" replied the Duch-
ess. " 1t is splendid quarter, Madame,
plenty of luxury and very CONNIE ct
faut. In fact, it is the grandes DANES
quarter, with nothing but duchesses and
marquises in it, with their dresses all
worked in gold" "Quite so.'' Just
at this moment they arrived at the
Elysee, the guard, of course, presenting
arms in due form. The proprietor of
the umbrella was beginning to stammer
out some excuse when the duchess cut
him short by thanking him very heart
lily and stated that she would not forget
1t. Before the expiration of a week he
received from his acquaintance of the
Elysee an umbrella richly adorned with
silver.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
Ingenious Sparrows.

A man in Indiana recently had a
chance to observe the ingenuity of spar
rows which were seeking drink of clear
water. The clear water was too far away
from the swampy margin of the bank
of stream to allow them to reach it
readily, but weeds grew thickly along
the edge. -Four sparrows settled on one
of these weeds, one above the other, and
their weight bent it over halfway to
the water. A fifth alighted further up
and bent it further down. Then sixth
settled near the end and the whole stalk
came down level with the surface, and
they drank their fill without any diff
Guilty or having to wade through the
muddy margin of the pond.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
A Baby Couple.

Morton Pritchett, aged IA, and Sarah
Fausler, aged 13, eloped from Marion,
Ind, about two weeks ago, and went to
White Pigeon, Mich, where they were
married. Both children are small for
their age, indeed so childlike that they
rode on the different railroads for half
fare. During their wedding journey of
two weeks their total expenses amount
ed to but $1O,75. The girls parents had
the father of the groom arrested for kid
mapping, but at the trial he was dis
charged. The youthful pair footed it to
Wabash, twenty miles, where they took
the train. Neither took change of
raiment, nor any luggage whatever.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
John sMALLwEEO'S WOOING.

HXTHERE is Shakespeare's home,
w landlord ?" asked Mr.. Small
weed, "I don't need guide, just tell
me and I'll be all right"
Before we proceed further let us learn
who Mr.. John Smallweed is. A smart
well-to- -do-in- -the-world bachelor, part
ner in small shipping house and also
the heir expectant of large property in
Lancashire, owned by spinster aunt.
Mr.. John Smallweed lodged at small
boarding place on the Strand. He was
of contented mind, fond of his grog
and pipe, and never having had the
pleasure of family home, he did not
long for them. Having weeks respite
from work at the small shipping house,
he started for Stratford-on-the-Av Avon and
had arrived there safe and sound.
Where is Shakespeare's home ?''
The landlord of the Red Lion inn gave
him the needed directions, and John
started forth to see the home of his
favorite author.
ga rather small house for such great
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
A Cute Dog.

A Paris poodle used to hold in his
mouth the basket in which the foolishly
charitable put money for his master, a
blind street-corner musician. When the
beggar died the dog still came to the
same corner every day for aims, and
those who had been giving money to
him, knowing the beggar had been
taken sick, gave all the more willingly
to the faithful little dog, who nightly
took the money home. One day the
dog was found lying dead in cellar,
and under the litter on which he lay
stretched were $4,000 worth of bonds of
the Orleans Railway, in which the old
beggar had invested his numerous aims,
and the cash the dog had begged since
his masters death.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
THE TIMES NEW BLooMF1ELD, Pa OCTOBER 10, 1880.

man." he thought. He raised the
knocker and pretty, demure little lass
opened the door and bade him come In.
Having seen everything that was to be
seen, he left, but first taking the pre-
caution to press q sovereign into her
hand As he was going home he kept
thinking of her and remarked half
aloud; "This is the prettlest low-born
lass that ever ran on the green sward,"
as the most appropriate thing to say, as
the quotation was from Shakespeare.
AT supper he inquired of mine host
of the Red Lion If he could tell him
who the girl was who showed Shake
speare's home.
"That," said the talkative landlord,
that is little Rosa. Her grandmother
usually is there, but having severe
rheumatism she sent Rosa in her place.
The old grandmother is perfect dragon
and will never allow Rosa out of her
sight, If she can help it,"
"Thanks," returned John, and he
inwardly wished the rheumatism would
keep pretty good hold of Rosa's grand
mother.
The next morning he sauntered forth
again to visit the home of the great
bard How lovely Rosa looked. He
remarked to her that he had not seen all
of the old place he wished, and after
staying quite while he left, saying, " L
am coming again If you will be ready to
see me-"
81 shall be happy to" she said, and
she seemed to mean it, too"
Possibly the sovereigns were tempta-
tion. Things went on in this way till
the week was nearly gone, and Mr..
John Smallweed determined to know
his fate. So on the last day he strolled
down to the house and Rosa let him in.
AS an appropriate beginning he began
to sigh.
You seem unhappy" she said
am am ~ he answered tragic
ally. An awkwark pause ensued, until
John, in sheer desperation, seized her
little hand and said:
"Oh Rosa, love you to distraction
Consent to be mine, for if you say no
I'll drown myself in the Avon and no
one will know my sad fate. But if you
consent my cup will run over with
blissl"
"Oh, Mr.. Smallweed, it is so unex-
pected !" Cunning creature, she had
been expecting it from the first, and
was really wondering why he was SO
slow.
at matters not, Rosa. Come, and
we will go to London and live happily
on the Strand"
swell, yes," she said softly.
All, the magic of that word We
will draw veil over the scene that
ensued. Suffice it to say that Mr.. John
Smallweed and little Rosa left the next
morning in post and chaise for Lon
don, Rosa SO thickly veiled that not
even mine host of the Red Lion could
recognize her.
OF course the old grandmother storm
ed and scolded. OF course pretty Rosa
Smallweed shed tears; of course John
stood up for his wife,an the whole affair
in time was amicably settled; but John
Smallweed always said that Shakespeare
gave more to him than he ever gave to
any other man, and we quite agree with
him.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
DIaaIna up a Loaded Shell.

A few days ago, while a negro man
was engaged in digging well in Allan
ia, he unearthed thirty-two pound
loaded shell, ready capped, and around
which he had been driving his pick
quite number of times. What would
have been the result if he had happened
to have struck the cap is the question
that now agitates that negro's mind.
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
No More Hard Times.

If you will stop spending so much on
fine clothes, rich food and style, buy
good healthy food, cheaper and better
clothing; get more real and substantial
things of life every way, and especially
stop the foolish habit of employing ex-
pensive, quack doctors or using so much
of the vile humbug medicine that does
you only harm, but put your trust in
that simple, pure remedy, Hop Bitters
you will see good times and have good
health Chronicle. Al 2t
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
Living Witnesses.

The hundreds of strong, hearty, rugged
and healthy looking men, women and
children, that have been rescued from
beds of pain, sickness and well nigh
death by Parker's Ginger Tonic, are the
ling merit and worth. You will find
such in almost every community
Read of it in another column. Al At
The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-10-19
October i2, lSSO-i
notice.

In the Court Of Common Pleas Of Perry County;
WILLIAM JACOBS rs. MATILDA JACOBS.
To MATILDA JACOBS, Respondent;
Madam-Please take notice that the Court OF
Common Pleas OF said County, has granted a rule
on you to show cause why a divorce uiilculo
mdtrtmonH should not be decreed In the above
Returnabie on last MONDAY Of October next.
,oao ]. A. GRAY, Sheriff.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15
Rolling Grain in the Spring

If farmers would look at the the
DRY of rolling their wheat and rye
fields in the spring, it would be re.
sorted to much more frequently than
it is. Occasionally the winter and
spring have been so favorable as to
render it unnecessary. But in three
seasons out of four it is necessary,
and doubtless adds considerable to
their productiveness. The thaw-
ings and freezings of the ground,
throwing or spewing out the roots
and exposing them to the dry winds
of February and March, very seri-
ously affect the grain. Passing a
roller over as soon as the soil IS fit
to go upon, presses back The roots
into their beds and gives them a
fair grip again upon the support on
which the crop most depends. This
must be apparent to every one who
will look at its operation. We have
no doubt that rolling clover fields
that have been badly thrown up by
the frost would also have most
beneficial effect.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15
A Monkey with the Whooping
Couch.


In tue tropical, perfume-laden
bower of the Washington bOtani-
cal garden, where giant ferns, feath-
cry palms and great banana trees
spread their leaves, J. q. s Black
burn keeps his monkey, a wrinkled,
ridiculous little grey ape, thaG
eats peanuts and shakes hands
inditferently. Some one presented
him to the Kentucky statesman,
and the uperintendent of the gar
den, being friend and a fellow
bibliOmaniac, took the little wait In
to care for. The wise-faced little
simian has little glass house to
live in, unlimited peanuts and two
screaming macaws to make faces at,
yet he looks unutterably sad. His
wanderings are estopped by the
yard OF rafting chain that fas-
tened around him, and though the
palm branches and the banana
stems bend so near, he can gaze
at them only, clutchIng the empty
air with his thumbs and five fingers,
and waving and gesticulating wild
ly with his tail. Sydney Smiths
objection to monkeys was that they
reminded him of poor relations.
but even that witty prelate would
weep TO hear the poor little monkey
struggling with the whooping
catching his breath, and
great tears into his poor, \
pitiful little eyes. The member
from Bourbon county pulls his
long moustaches yainly, the pet is
still ailing, and even the soft stroke |
Of Mrs. Hayes, grey gloved fingers
failed to cure it.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15

| II HE best remedy in the world for Bilious
i ness or Liver Complaint.
1t will cure Dyspepsia when all other rem
| edies fail.
1t cures Constipation by acting upon tn,
Liver, and producing flow of bile, which il
] natures own cRthartic-
! 1t will relieve and cure Rheumatism in less
time than any other known remedy.
1t is q certain specific for Ague or Chills
many cases having been cured by q single
dose taken dpring the time of the chill.
1t is the best Blood Purifier in use, thor
oughly cleansing the system of all impurities,
whether of scrofulos or other origin.
1t is especially adapted for females, remov-
ing pimples and sallowness from the skin,
and producing beautiful, clear complexion.
1t is the best remedy for all diseases of the
Kidneys and Urinary Organs
1t is composed of Dandelion in combina-
ton with ether roots, barks and herbs, and
contains no Quinine, Aloes, Arsenic, Mercu-
~, nor any mineral substance whatever.
II Is entirely harmless and pleasant to take.
1t costs you Dothing if it docs n OF perform
all that is claimed for it, as it il warranted to
give satisfaction, or money will be returned.
The following testimonials speak for them
selves.
Co. Recorders Office, Indianapolis, Aug Is, rs
DIR K A WHITE-Dear Sir: After using va
rious remedies for Chills, without relief, /
commenced the use of your Dandeliol. Alter
alive, and one bottle effected cure. / can
ceerfully recommend this a. an excellent med
icine, and worthy the confidence of the public.
Truly yours, WIN. N. DUNNINGION.
Lynn, Ind, April IL, 1877.
DR. A r WHTE-Dear Sir: l have bought
three bottles of your Dandelion Alternative for
my wife, and it has done her more good than
any thing she has evor taken before. I can
cheeIfully recommend il to all who suffer |
from Liver trouble. Yours truly,
may20-ly VIZ. BOOK.
Sumpter s. Son, Agents for Pulaski. !
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15
Our Young People
MADE UP FROM THE BEST CLIPPINGS
Men

Remember, my son, that The
world is older THAI you are, by sew
eral years; that for thousands oil
years it has been full of smarter
al better men than yourself, that
their feet stuck out of the CORNER
window; that when they died the
old world went whirling on and
not one man out OF ten millions
went TO the funeral, or even heard
of the death.
Be as smart as you can, Of course.
Know as much as you can, without
blowing the packing out of your
cylinder head; shed the light of
\ our wisdom abroad in the world
but don't dazzle people with it, and
don't imagine a thing is SO simply
because you say it is. Don't he
sorry for your father because he
knows so much less than you Re-
mem Der the reply of DR.. Wayland
to the student of Brown University
who said it was an easy enough
thing to make proverbs such as
Solomon wrote. "Make few
tersely replied the old mau. And we
never heard that that young man
made any; not more than TWO or
three at any rate. rhe world has
great aeed of young men, but no
greater need than the young met
have of Ut. Your clothes fl you
better than your fathers fit him;
they cost more money; they are
more stylish, your muustache is
heater, the cut OF your hair is bet
ter, and you are better looking, oh,
far prettier than pa" But young
man, the old gentleman gets the
biggest salary, and has homely
scrambling signature ON the bust
ness end of check will drain u ore
money out Of the bank in five min.
utes than you could get out with a
ream of paper and a copper plate
signature in six months.
Young men are useful, and they
are Ornamental, and we love them,
and we couldn't engineer a picnic
successfully without them. But
they are no novelties, my son. On,
no; nothing of the kind. They
have been here before Do not be
so modest SIS to shut yourself clear
out. but don't be so fresh that you
will have to be put away to keep
from spelling. Don't be afraid that
your merit will not be discovered.
People all over the world arc hun
ting for you. A diamond is not as
easily found as quartz pebble, but
some people search for it all the
more intently.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15

The st. Louis and Cincinnati
people are agitating for free salt.
The st. Louis Times puts the argu-
ment for it in a nut shell. Free
salt means cheaper pork and bacon.
Cheaper pork and bacon means a
reduction in the cost of raising cot
ton, and therefore free salt would
put money INTO the pockets of every
Gotten grower in the soath.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15

Here is some evidence that times
are very much better than they
were a year ago. Seventy-seven
failures were reported in New York
for the first quarter OF the year
1880, the total liabilities being
1858, 635 and assets valued at 1892
O26. The first quarter of 1879 had
one hundred and forty one failures,
in which the total liabilities were
$2,S05,5l2 and assets 1859, S26.-
The total liabilities for the first
quarter of 1878 were over $4,000
600.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15

The wife of the editor OF the Pet
aluma Peavine ran away with q ten
or singer of the period the other
day. 1t was = good deal OF 8 finsn.
cal relief to the journalist, now
that white paper is eleven cents 8
pound, but it CALLED him awiully to
have her state in the note ladies al
ways leave sticking in lookiag-glass,
that she regretted she was forced to
have him crowded out for more In
teresting matter"
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-04-15

Some modern model definitions
Remorse-the Pillory OF the past
Conscience-a burr in the bosom.
Voice-the bellman of brain. Ear
the sentinel OF sound. Eyelid-the
drop scene OF death. Time-the
play thing of the prodigal. Sheer
Il lancer in the lip service. Nun-a
dried fruit of divinity. Lsugh-an
exclusive possession of the animal
man. Sorrow makes wrinkles OF
dimples.