Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-08-01
LECTURE BY IN OLD MAID

cAn 10 uole, uOWayS.
Take my advice, my dears- be-
lieve man before marriage, and never
trust him after it.
Ii men, my dears, were to pay, like
servants, for everything they broke,
they wouldn't be so fond Of breaking
their hearts for every pretty girl they
saw. The fortune Of Rothschild
couldn't stand, my dears, against such
a ruinous amount Of breakages. Why,
I have known mans heart break as
often as an American bank, and yet he
would open the next day with the same
brass plate on his face, on which you
could plainly read "Ass,rance," and
his heart would go on issuing the same
amount of false notes as before. Besides,
what becomes of all their broken hearts,
1 should like to know? Where do they
all go to? Along with the old moons, I
suppose; or they may be keeping COM
pany, there's no knowing where, with
all the pins that are lost, each heart be-
ing stuck through with pin, Like the
curious insects in museum.
There's no need to tell you, I am sure,
my dears, about choosing husband.
A woman's instinct generally guides her
in those little matters. But this I will
tell you, that husbands differ as much
as geese; but the softest, mind, is not
always the worst. The softer your hus-
band the more pliable you will find him,
and all the easier for you to twist him
round your little finger. If husbands
trusted more to their wives and less to
themselves there would be more happy
marriages; but, until they learn what is
due to our sex and are fully prepared to
pay it, that happy balance will never
exist in a household which to the hus-
band should be the source of as much
joy as large balance is at his bankers;
but at present the wife is not allowed to
have any share or interest in the one, or
to participate in the other.
I will conclude, my dears. with giving
you few ruleswith regard to the choice
of husbands in general; and though, my
dears, I have never ventured on the
stormy seas of matrimony myself (here
the fair lecturers voice slightly trembled
with emotion), still have watched from
the haven of single-blessednes many of
the squalls and breezes that have taken
place on them, and have derived no
small knowledge from the numerous
shipwrecks I have witnessed in conse-
quence of them, and this knowledge I
am only too willing to impart to all
those who are anxious to embark for the
United States.
I shall confne my observations, my
dears, to the small circle of my expert
ence of men, such as I have studied
round the tea-table.
If man wipes his feet ON the door.
mat before coming into the room, you
may be sure he will make a good do
nestle husband
IF man puts his handkerchief on his
knees while taking his tea, you may be
sure he will be prudent husband.
In the same way, always mistrust the
man who will not take the last piece of
toast, but prefers waiting for the next
warm batch. 1t is not unlikely he will
make greedy, selfish husband, with
whom you will enjoy no "brown" at
dinner, no crust at tea, no peace what
ever at home.
The man, my dears, who wears over
shoes, and is careful about wrapping
himself up well before venturing into
the night air, not infrequently makes
good invalid husband that mostly stops
at home, and is easily comforted with
Stops.
The man who watches the kettle and
prevents its boiling over will not fail,
my dears, in his married state, in exer-
cising the same care in always keeping
the pot boiling.
The man who doesn't take tea i'll
treats the cat, takes snuff and stands
with. his back to the fire, is
brute whom I would not advise you, my
dears, to marry upon any consideration,
either for love or money, but most de-
cidedly not for love.
But the man who, when the tea is
over, is discovered to have had none, is
sure to make the best husband. Pa
tience like his deserves being rewarded
with the best Of wives and the best Of
mothers-in-law. My dears, when you
meet with such man, do your utmost
to marry him. In the severest winter
he would not mind going to bed first.
Here the lecturer concluded, and the
several young ladies retired to their re-
spective ayocations.