The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-08-28
MY wIFE's RELATIONS.

MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.
"Broiled spring chicken for tea, ch ?"
said |. "And lobster salad and fried
oysters Upon my word. this looks As
il we were going to have company"
$50 We are, my dear, said my wife.
looking little guilty, as she polished
up the surface Of the silver teatray with
new chamois-leather. They are all
coming to visit mc-Unclc Silas and
Aunt Milicent, and the children, and
Cousin Joab, and the two Misses Wild
erming, and my Aunt Louisa, to meet
Rev. Mr.. Sparkwell, from Minnesota,
who married my Cousin .Jerusha Wilde.
Mr.. Sparkwell is troubled with ca,arrh,
and he thinks of staying at our house 4
few weeks while he is being treated by
DIR. Doscm."
put down my linen dustcr and brown
paper parcels with some emphasis.
"Oh, confound Rev. Mr.. Sparkwell, I"
said |.
"John :" calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, can't help it," said
/. ats not in human nature to endure
everything. And I've been relationed
out Of all patience ever since our mar
riage. The Jenkinses went away last
week, the Birdsalls took an affectionaie
leave yesterday, and now, just as was
contemplating 4 peaceful evening by
ourselves, here's new swarm, hungrier
than. the rest, just about to settle down
upon us. In my opinion, Kitty, my
dear, relations should be abolished.
al am surprised at you, John" said
my wife. "My own people are so fond
of me-"
"That's where you are mistaken, my
DEAR" said |. "lt's your comfortable
springbeds and good cookery that they
are fond OF, no, YOU"
"John :"
ard be willing TO wager good round
sum on the truth of my assertions, said |.
"Because you have no relations your
self"
"Thank Providence for that, said I,
devoutly. 81 was reared in 4 founding
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for tolerable success in the
world"
"It's no reason that YOU should find
fault with minc," said Kitty, with her
bright blue eyes full Of tears. "And
Mr.. Sparkwell is such a spiritually mind
cd man, and dear Uuclc Silas loves you
just as il you were his only son, and
Cousin Joab is so interested in the
children"
"l'm much Obliged to en-" said |,
dryly. "But slept all last week on
sofa cushions laid in the bathiub and
we had fourteen people here over the
anniversaries and Twas obliged TO give
up my own room month last winter
to old Mr.. Manswell. not to speak OF
our being half-poisoncd with Aunt
Louisa's hygcian mcsscs in the FALL
When the poet said, There's no place
like home,' ] presume that he meant
when there were no relations visiting
him. I'll tell you what, my DEAR" with
a sudden inspiration, "l've a great mind
formally TO deed this house TO your re-
lations, il they will agree solemnly to
leave me in peace the rest Of my life,
wherever ! may set up my family tents. "
"Nonsense - said my wife. ado
go upstairs and change your things. and
bruss your hair and get ready for tea.
The ~. all waiting in the best parlor,
and was expecting your return to see
about hiring some cotbeds from the vii
lage hotel, to put up in the attic for
those four little Sparkwcll children
4 k.- h. l,..I
room, and Cousin Joab sleeps in the lit.
tie wing chamber. and Mr.. and Mrs.
.Sparkwell will have our room, and"
''lndeed !" said |. ''And we are TO
sleep in the barn, suppose.
"Don't be cross, John" said my wife,
appcalingly. ''One must be hospitable,
you know. And can easily make NJ
the sofa bed in the back parlor for our
use week or two"
said nothing, but ground my teeth
in silent despair, as ran upstairs, two
steps at time, TO make what changes ]
could in my toilet, by the aid Of ten
by twelve glass, hung over the washstand
Of stuffy little bathroom.
Rev. Mr.. Sparkwell was large man,
with still larger voice, and limp,
faded little wife whose sole earthly in
tercstsseemcd centercd in her four white
eyed, freckled faced children. Uncle
Sailas and Aunt Milccnt were silent
pair, with excellent appetites, and two
tall boys, who gigglcd and snickered al
each other in the intervals of converse
ton.
Cousin Joab talked necessarily will
his mouth full, and the two Misses Wild
erming served as general echoes to th'
rest, while Aunt Louisa devoured lobSteI
salad al H6ifnm, and kept on sending