Connecticut western news., 1880-04-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

ne $ a lOdIeT Ol DfSu.
 WHY is the letter D like sailor? Be- cause it follows the c. | EVERYTHING GOOD in man leans on something higher.
 THERE IS in every human countenance either a history or prophecy.
 THE RAYS of happiness, like those of | light, are colorless when unbroken.
 THE ATLANTIC Consultation says John Chinaman is getting to be Mustgoian.
 A CHICAGO clothier advertises for 5000 bald heads on which to paint advertise ments.
 A MAN is never so much master of himself as when he has given himself up.
 RETURN EQUITY and justice for evil done to you, and pay goodness by good ness.
 IN THE BIRTH of Christ humanity felt the first pulsation of the fatherly heart of God.
 THE FAITH which looks forward is far richer than the experience which looks backward
 HE IS not only idle who does nothing, but he is idle who might be better em- ployed.
 FIND EARTH where grows no weed, and you may find heart wherein no error grows.
 PEACE IS the final result toward which every conception of true living in Christ should tend.
 A DOG which won't run from an ele- phant will break his back to get away from an oyster can.
 THE BEST of the world, its best pleas ures, its best honors, its best wealth, be- long to the Christian.
 THE WORLD is full of compensatlons. The more prices go up the more we have to come down for everything.
 WHEN MAN steps up to tire-extin- guisher and tries to get drink of ice water from it he will bear watching. HE THAT lacks time to mourn lacks time to mend; Eternity mourns that. 'Tis an ill cure For lifes worst ills, to have no time to feel thenl
 Ir IS SAID that when General Sherman goes to 8 ball he kisses all the misses and never misses @ kiss. Or words to that effect.
 "WHAT on earth takes you off to the stable so early every morning lately ?" asked a woman of her husband. "Curry hossity."
 A FAMILIAR instance of color-blindness is that of man taking a brown silk umbrella and leaving green gingham in its place.
 IT IS ODD, and sometimes melancholy, to see man trying to "make up hls mind" when he has no material on hand to work with.
 TRYING to do business without adver- Using is like winIing at a girl in the dark. You may know what you are doing but nobody else does.
 A MAN who offered for $5 to put any one on the track of paying investment seated an applicant between the rails of the Boston and Albany Railroad.
 THERE ARE Smiths, Smythes and Schmidts in most every part of the coun- try, but J. N. Smithee resides in Arkan- sas, and lie wants to $e Governor.
 THREE days after baby is born every body says, Ketchetty, ketchetty," and digs its ribs with a foreinger. Hence the prevalence of ill-temper in adults.
 PLAY SPADES if you would win pota- toes play clubs if you would deal with ruffian; play hearts if you would win friendship play diamonds if you would win @ woman.
 THE PINE CrrY Record says: A fellow asked us the other day if "hogs would pay" We told him some would not, and he flew into terrible rage, knowing his own delinquency to this paper.
 FATHER said cobbler's- lad, peg ging away at an old shoe, " they say that trout bite good now" "Well, we'll, replied the old gentleman, ''you stick to your work and they won't bite you"
 MIR. SETH GREEN says he will have three million California brook trout for distribution next year. Think of the boundless possibilities in the way of lies contained in these three million innocent fish
 WE HAVE the statement of the North umberland Press that an old Shanghai hen in that place has been setting four weeks on carpenters hammer. She de- clares that she will hatchet if it takes all summer.
 A SHOEMAKER was arrested for bigamy and brought before magistrate. (Which wife," asked bystander, will he be obliged to take ?" Smith, always ready at @ joke, replied, "He is cobbler, and of course must stick to his last"
 AN EXCHANGE heads an article "How to Save One Hundred Million Dollars @ Year." One of the resolutions, says the Morristown Herald, we made on the first day of January was not to save so large sum this year, and we shall not break It.
 PROFESSOR "Which is the more deli cate of the senses ?" Sophomore: "The touch" Professor: "Prove 1t. Sopho- more: "When you sit on tack. You can't hear it you can't see it; you can't taste it; you can't smell it; but it's there"
 A YoUNasTER, while warming his hands at the fire, was demonstrated with by his father, who said: "Go away from the fire: the weather is not cold" "I ain't heating the weather, I'm warming my hands," the little fellow demurely re- piled. "You MUST NOT play with that little l girl, my dear," said an injudicious parent.