West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

VIII AND HUMOR.
TOO much whiskey has had very
pad elect upon a mans bump OF local.
lily. n few DAYS ago a speculator stag.
gered across New street, opposite the
stock Exchange, and accosted broker.
saying: Say, Mister, which is the
other side OF the way?' cover there.
OF course" was the reply, as the aston
ished broker pointed To the opposite
slde oil the street. The deuse ?" ejac-
ulated the tipsy fellow, "J-y Cd
told me moment ago, when | was on
that eide, that IL was over here. But
always said that he couldn't tell the
truth"
"SIR, / have your note for 500" said
one citizen TO another. as they met on
Larned street Saturday. Eyes. guess
you have" "And you'll pay II ?" mot
just now" "Sir! will have no fool
ing. IL you don't pay the note, I'll
" fesP I'm put 1t I'm the bank. f"
- ust So And you'll be notified to
pay IT. Yes" And II you don't,
Il VIII be protested. Quite likely"
"And--and-" and the protest Will
cost you twelve shillings. Please put fl
IN the bank. Good morning, sir 20
a sII-YEAR-oLD boy, living near
Bridgeport, was questioned by his
school teacher the other day "a TO his
name. The boy said che hadn't got none
But you must have some name" IN
sisted the questioner; "what do they
call you around home 20 'They call
rae genuine iackass," replied the lit
tie fellow with sincerity. The investi.
CATION was promptly abandoned.
BELLE-This holly in my hair wants
"A little relief-it's too red.
Aunty-Well, why not put In a sprig
or two OF mistletoe, dcar2
belle-Nonsense, Auntyl why |
me
Aunty-lndeed, no, my dear; they'd
do nothing of the kind. I've tried 'em.
A LAD, VINO was at play with the son
oil next door neighbOr, asked his crm-
pdnlon; lis not your father a fool p"
NO who said that OF my father ="
was the reply. Nobody, as | knows
on" responded the knowing urchin !:
but mother told me t'other day that |
was next door To fool, aud 1 didn't
know whether she meant your father
or Nat Smiths"
NOT long ago, i'm the court orsessions.
an irish lawyer, while arguing with
carnestDess bis cause, stated a point
when the court ruled out. .'WelI. -
SAID the attorney, cit IL place the coort,
II l am wrong I'm this, 1 have another
point that Is equally as conclusive"
~
"MY boys" SAID kind Oil CITY
teacher, "ii you would be president of
the United States YOU must be good
and studious." "Who wants to be
presidentg" yelled out young chap
from back seat" "I'd ruther be-
Butler Bill, and sh OF an Iniun." And
the boys all chOrused "Them's our
sentiments"
MERCHANT; WeeI, Donal,' that's
Oeen awfu' times for sheep" mae
only them, bus, ach 4! a rhing's gaun to
the devil the moo" Merchant:
"Losh, man! 1: that's the wav OF.
neil need Till extern his premiseS."
"MAMMA, says it is not polite to ask
FOR cake" said little boy.-"Nu,' -
was the answer; sit does not loook
well In little boys to do o."-"But. -
said the urchin, "she didn't say must
not eat piece II you gave il To me-"
AN intoxicated Providence man ask
ed railroad ticket agent for a ticket 10
Hades, and was given one for Troy.
He's back now and will let the agent
know that he didn't want anything
worse than he asked for.
WHEN a mans wife comes In and
sees him razor in hand aud with his
face all lather, and asks him. Are
you shaving?" It's provoking i'm him
TO answer, "NO, Pm blacklng the
stoye," but it's human nature to so
reply.
a CLERGYMAN asked tipsy fellow
who was leaning against fence, where
he expected TO go when he died. Of /
can I get along any better than now. 1
shan't go nowhere" said he.
To parties who are unable to express
their feelings we would suggest the
matter OF sending them by freight.
BAsKET-BoY on street." 'Ere's yer
fresh trailing arbutus-l0 cents bunch
three FOR a quarter" Unromantic
and practical customer" Have you
got any dandelion greens there2"
AFTER sharp flash Of lightning
the other day, little five-year-old
Essex boy looked up 20 his mother aud
said, Mamma, guess God scratched
pretty big match that time, don't
your"
81 HAD no time to stun the chicken
apologized landlady to her boarders.
Never mind, madam, it's tough
enough as it L." replied one Of them
An old gentleman mp town says hi
BOY is the champion light wait OF the
country, for the gas is kept burning fol
him I'm the hall every night after one
O'Clock.
a MERE matter of form-CuttInR ,
dress.
what Better Evidence
/ Could the peOplc AJAX IN eubstapffot,