Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-08-19
MY WIFE,S RELATIONS.

"Broiled Spring chicken for tea, eh p said
I. "And lobster salad and fried oysters
Upon my word, this looks as if we were going
to have company"
$50 we are, my DEAR" said my wife, look
ing little guilty, as she polished up the sur
face of the big silver teatray with new
chamois leather. "They are all come to visit
me-Uncle Silas, and Aunt Milicent and the
children, and Cousin Joab and the two Miss
Wilmerdings, and my Aunt Louisa, to meet
the Reverend Mr.. Speakwell, from Miuneso
ia, who married my second cousin, Jerusha
Wilde. Mr.. Speakwell is troubled with the
catarrh, and he thinks of staying at our house
for few weeks, while he is being treated by
DR.. Dosem."
put down my linen duster and brown pa
per parcels with some emphasis.
ooh, confound the Rev. Mr.. Speakwell! J!
said I.
"John !" calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, 1 cant help it," said L.
"It's not in human nature to stand every
thing. And I've been relationed out of all
patience since our marriage. The Jenkinses
went away last week, the Birdsails took an
affectionate leave yesterday, and now, just as
l was contemplating peaceful evening by
ourselves, here's new swarm, hungrier than
the rest, Just ready to settle down upon US
In my opinion, Kitty, my dear, relations
should be abolished"
II am surprised at you, John," said my
wife. "My own people that are so fond Of
me-"
"There's where you are mistaken, my
DEAR" said I. "It's your comfortable spring
beds and good cookery they are fond Of, moi
you"
"John."
"I'd be willing to wager good round sum
on the truth of my assertion said |.
Because you have no relations yourself
"Thank Providence for that p said de-
voutly. 81 was reared in a foundling asy
lum and have nobody to thank but myself
for my tolerable success in the world
"Its no reason why you should find fault
with mine," said Kitty, with her bright
blue eyes full of tears. "And Mr. Speak
we'll is such a spiritually minded man, and
dear Uncle Silas loves you just as if you
were his only son, and Cousin Joab is so in
terested in our children"
"I'm much obliged to 'em," said I, dry
ly, "but I slept all last week on soft cush
ions laid in the bath tub; and we had four
teen people here over the anniversaries and
l was obliged to give up my own room for q
month last Winter to old Mr.. Manswell, not
to speak of our being half poisoned with
Aunt Louisa's Hygeian messes in the Fall
When the poet said, There's no place like
home,' presume he meant when there were
no relations visiting. "l'll tell you what, my
DEAR" with sudden inspiration, ave great
mind formally to deed over this house te
your relations, if they will agree solemnly tc
leave me in peace for the rest Of my life
wheresoever I may set up my family tents.
Nonsense" said my wife. "Do 60 uE
stairs and change your things, and brush
your hair and get read for tea. They're all
waiting in the best parlor, and was expect
ing your return to see about hiring some col
beds from the village hotel, to put up in the
attic for those four little Speakwell children
You see, Aunt Louisa has the little blue bed
room, and Cousin Joab sleeps in the wing
chamber, and Mr.. and Mrs. Speakwell vii
have our room, and"
"Indeed !" said I. "And we are to sleeI
in the barn. suppose"
"Don't be cross, John,' said my wife, ap
pealingly. Zone must be hospitable, yor
know. And I can easily make up the sofa
bed in the back parlor for our own use, for s
week or So"
said nothing, but ground my teeth il
silent despair, as 1 sprang up the stairs, two
steps at time, to make what changes
could in my toilet. by the aid of ten.bl