The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1880-06-20
MARK TWAIN.
A TRAMP ABRoAD-v.


|
We were satisfied that we could walk {,
orrcnau In one day, that we were In practice;
We SGT out next morning after breakfast aud deter
mined to do It, II was all ihc way down hlIl. and vi
lhl the loVolicst summer weather for IT, So we SO
The pedomctcr and then stretched away nm an easy
regular stride down through the eleven forest
drawing IN the fragrant breath Of the morning II
ucrp refreshing dtanglis, aud wishing we nigh
never have anything To do forever I'm, walk to Op1c
iin and Keep on doing u aud then doing 1t o,ci
again.
Now the true charm Of pctsctrianIsn docs not lie "
lhc walking, or In The scenery, hut IN she talking.
rue walking rs good TO tlmc the movement of III,
tongue by, and 10 Keep the blood and the brain stirred
~ and aclvc the scenery and the woodsy smells
good To bear IN upon man unconscious aud unob-
trlslyc charm aud solace to eye and soul and
nut Tue supreme pleasure comes from the talk. "
no mailer whetlernnc talks wisdom nonsense the
case Is tile same, the hulk of the enjoyment lies In the
wagging Of the gadsome Jaw and the tapping Of the
sympathetic ear.
Aud what motley variety of subjects q couple OF
people win casually rake over In the course Of day
Tramp There bclng no constraint, change Of sub
ect Is always In order, and body Is not likely Ia
kceplegging AT single topic until II grows tlres6mc.
We discussed everything we knew, during the hrst
hltcen or twenty minutes, that morning, aud then
hranched out into the glad, free, boundless realm OF
Tie thiugs we were not certain about.
Harris said that II the hest writer In the world once
got the soveny habit Of doubling up his "have's' -
he could never get rid Of II while he lived. That Is Ia
say, " man gets the habit of saying Z" should have
liked 10 have known about II - Instead say
ing simply and scnsibly al shoud have liked To
Know more about IT, - that man sdscasc is ncurable
laiis said that this sort Of lapse Is to he found In
every copy Of every newspaper that has ever been
printed In English. aud In almost all of hooks.
lie said he had observed II In Krklam's grammar
aud In Macaulay Harris believed that milk teetl,
are cominoner In mems mouths than those "doublcd
up havc's.'
That changed the subject to dentistry. said he
llcvcd the average man dreaded tooth pulling more
than amputaion, and that he would yell quicker nm
der the former operation than he would under the
latter. The philosopher Harris said that the average
man would not yell in either case II he had an audi
cncc. Then he continued:
Whatn I,tt,t al, UVVt .t.
Potomac, we used to lc brought up standing.
slonaily, 10y an eafsplittng howl Of anguish. THAT
lent Hut the surgeons soon changed that they III
siiuied open air dentistry. There never was howl
afterwar,l-that Is from the man who having the
tooth pulled. At daily dental hour there would
always he about 800 soldiers gathered together In the
nelghhorhood of that dental chair waiting to sec the
performance-and help: and the moment TIE surgeon
took grip on the candidates tooth and began to
mt every one of those 500 rascas would clap his hand
to his Jaw and begin TO hop around on one leg and
raise your hair to hear that varicgated and enormous
unanimous caterwaul burst out! with so big and so
aerlsve an audience as that sufferer wouldn't emit
san thnt pretty often patient was compelled to
laugh. In the midst of his pangs but that they had
never caught crying out after the ope- air exb-
billion was instiucl.''
Dental surgeons suggested DOCTORS doctors s,,g-
gested death, death suggested skeetons-and so, by
logical process the conversation melted out of one Of
these subjects and into the next until the tonic of
skeletons raised mp Nicodemus Dodge ont of the deep
forgotten FOR twenty-five years. When was boy
III printing Office, In Missouri loose Joncd, long
legged w-headcd, jeans-clad, counirified cub OF
about sixteen lounged In day and without remov-
ing MS hands from the depths OF his trousers pockets
or taking OF his faded ruin of n SLOUGH hat whose
broken brim hung limp and ragged about his eyes and
ears Ike bug eaten cabbage leaf, stared indner-
entity around then leaned his hip against the EDITORS
tnbe, crossed his mighty brogans, aimed ut distant
and Said with compos,lre: ~
''Wiar's the b0ss?''
4. am the boss, y said the editor following this
curious bit of architecture wonderlngy along up to Its
clock-f face with his cye
Don't want anybody fur to learn the business
t amt likely -
.'weli, don't know. Would you like to learn
"pap's 50 po he can't run me mo-, SO I want
what-l'm strong and hearty and don't turn my
hark ON no Kind OF work, hard muir SOFT
do yon think yon would like to learn the printing
"well, don't rely k'yer durn what eio learn,
500 git chance fur to make my way. Ia list as
soon learn print'n IS anythlng. ~
'tan you read -
"Nes-mildlm'. -
'Writc ~
"Ciphcr?''
mot good enough to keep store, don't reckon,
nt up M fur rs twelve times twelve ain no slourh
Toher side of that is what gits me. ~
" Where is your home?'
- I'm f'm old Shelby.'
whats your fathers religious denomination ?''
'liimY oh. hcsa blacksmith"
=, +" No no, don't mean his trade. What's Ills
fhgio"S ,enomnaiion?''
''oh, didn't understand you befo'. IIe'sa
freenason.'
, mNo; no; you don't got my meaning yet What
mean ~, does he belong to any churoh ~
No'p You alkm'! Couldn't make out what YOU
vas iryln' t" q, through yo' head no way. nlong
ss" vii , MY n"Ss he's ben the sses Kind d"
'l@encr ones M what he Is. Mighty good man, pap
3. Everybody slyst that. If they said any liffrunt
hoy wonl'ln' say II wliar waz--not much they
'ouln't.''
What ia your rellgiong'
Wen, boss, you've kind o got me thar-and yit
o, nam, rot me so mighty much. nnther. think
u Teller heps another Teller when he In trouble
li don't cuss, and don't do no things, MIR
aSior's name with little K, he amt rl,nnin' no
ishsEhe about rs saift rs IL ho Belonged To u
'i'ut suppose he did spell It with little e. what
We'll, If he done 1t a-Inrpose, 1 reckon he
loulln't stand no chance, he oughtu't to have no
,hHe, anyway I'm most rotten certain bout
hat. ~ ~
"What is your name?''
'Nicodemus Dodge
on u trial. anyway e
IAN right
"When would you like to begin?,
"Now.''
So within ten minutes after we had first glimpsed
u.s. n9,uesrripi he was one ofus, and with his coat
beyond that end of our establishment which was
rlheat ron he street. was deserted garden, path
$685. ana ihicky grown viii, the blo0nly and villain.
us Unison weed and Its common friend The
lately suniiower. In the midst Of this mournful
pot was decaycd and aged little frame - house
al been smoke. house generation before NIco. |
n's was given this lonely and gliostly den as bed
llamlIer, ~
The village smarties recognized u treasure in Nico-
emls right away--a butt To play Jokes on. ii was |
NY i, 10 sec ,nal No was inroneeyably green and
Jung. George Jones had the glory Of peipetr,ting
he first Joke on hm he gave lin 4 cigar with flree
incker ~ u and Winked to the crowd to CONE; the
Il
'irodenns's eyebrows aud eyGlashes. ITO simply
- I consle them Kind Of seeg vars ,angsrsome. >,
M seemed to suspect nothing. The next evening
'leoueihus wayiad George and poured bucket 81
,e-water over him.
One day, while Nicolemus was In swimming, Tom
lcElfoy Tied " Ills clothes. Nicndcmus made a
o'iire of Toms by way of retaliation.
"A tniii Joke was played upon Nlcodcmus. n day or
So laleI-lle walked up the middle aisle of the WI
ge church, sunday night with staring hand bill
,,sa between l.ls shoulders The Joker spent tho
deserted house, and NicOdeinis sat ON lie cellar
DOR Ill toward breakfast time to make sure that ih
lis s remembered that u any noise was made,
me rough treatment would be the consequence. The
'lhr i;'h Two feet Of stagnant water In It, and was
'itol'ied with six Inches of soft mud.
iint wander from Tho point. II the subject of
'ele0s thai brought this hoy back la my recollection
coie very long time had elapsed, the village
narlles began to feel an uncomfortable conscious
SIS ~ mol having made very shining success ont of
elr attempts IN the simplclOn from ~ old Shelby
Nleil'nehies grew scarce and chaiy Now the Young
|
'pnuse when lia proposed to scare Nicolemus IN |
.lii, anu explained how lie was going to do H. He
VI noble new skelaiOnthe skeleton Of the LATE and
ny local celebrity Jimmy Finn, the village drunk
ia gilsy piece of property which he lini boupLt
Jimmy Finn hiinself, AT auction, for fifty dollars |
ller great competition, when Jimmy lay very sick |
me yard u fortnight before his DEATH The |
~ dollars had gone promptly for whisky and had |
hurried up The change Of ownership In The
eletoli, The doctor would put Jimmy Firms skeIe-
u In NIc0demIls's bed!
rms was done, about half-pa ten In the evening
bout Nicoienus's usual bedtlme-InidnightLthe
llage lokers came creeping siealthily throngh ihe
hpson weeds aiid and suIiloweis toward the lonely
anne den. They reached the window aud peeped In |
lere SAT Tue long legged papper, ON his bed In a
ny short shlri, aud nothing more; lie was dangling |
legs conlane,ly BACK aud forth, aud WieezIug tbs
use of - iamptOwn Races ~ Out Of paper
~ coup which he was pressing against his mouth;
nm lay new lews-harp, new top, "A solid india
bnel bail, handful Of painted marbles ave pounds
STORE " candy, aud wrl-gnawed slab Of GIN
ilie;id hB big and as thick ~ u volume of sheet =
naic Ito had sold The skeleton 10 a travelling uuack
! lire" dollars aud was enjoying the result.
Ecccntrictty OF Texas Preachers.
Texas preachers are said to be very ecceu- .
c, and their mild unnaturalness has given rise 10 A
cal many remarks and a few stories. The follow !,
aneodoe Was told MS conidentally By u SLAM !
rer: - u
minister arose before large audience, took his "