The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1880-01-14
mo 20.
------------. = = -
FACETIE.

Ready -made-the young lady walt.
ing for an offer.
Sweeping conclusions-the train Of
a lady's dress.
Everybody laffs at monkey, bnt
nobody respektss him. Billings.
Dust mud from. which all the
juice has been pressed.
A negro struck by lightning finally
jumped up, saying, "Who fire dat
gun?'
Assault with intent to become in
saue is the way they put deadly at
tacks now. ="
What is an island? A body sur
rounded by water. Give an exam
t,le2 A boy in swimming.
!. A little boy was asked if he had q
good memory. "No," said he; "but
l have good PROFICIENCY.
1t is malicious woman who win
slyly put long hairs on a mans coat
just to make his wife jealous.
A western editor in lis financial
article, says, "Money isaclose-but
not close enough for US to reach"
She blushed the color Of circus le-
monale, and then fessed up. about
making her bangs stick with gum
tragecenth.
If you want: to talk heavy science,
say "protoydvof hydrogen instead
of ice. It sounds bigger and not one
man in. thousand will know What
yoa mean. st 800
There is a touching beauty in the
pale wild rose that grows, by the
dusty wayside, lla!f-choked with
thistle down; but it is all lost upon
the man Ii, breaks both his back
suspedder buttons when he stoops
to pluck it. :: ~
A little eastern boy made a gun
out of piece of gas-pipe by plugging
up the end with a riveS. He CRED it
of. His father can't find the Pipe
now, but he could use the boy for
|
one if he could find enough of him.
A man asked lfor admission to a
show for hpif price, as he hal but
one eye. But the manager told him
lit would take him twice as long to
see the slow as it would anybody
else, and charged him double.
i A good natured traveller fell asleep
lin train, and was carried far be-
| You'd ils destination. "Pretty good
Joke is, isn't it?"s said he to little
fellow passenger. Eyes, is it a little
far Fetched" was the rejoinder.
Before marriage man is generally
!! greeted by his sweetheart with my
darling, is it you?" But after mar
ag she generally PUSHES to the
f door and shouts, Hugh, Henry, wipe
your boots"
An 1 farmer ON being aske Why
a peacock that was strutting thro'
e the yard was like figure nine, could
t sec no resemblance, but light broke
! lin nj on him when he was told that
: it was nothing without its tail. Fa
b He was inclined to be facetious2
Q "What quantities OF dried grasses
n you keep here, Miss stebbing. What
q nice room for a donkey to getin
# to-" make yourself at home'' she
/ responded With sweet gravity. te 4
J. When you have allowed a man te
! employ your knife to pare q peach
q you should not confide to him til,
81 secret that the particular blade b.
le used is ripper to pare corns.-
y. Somehow il makes him wish he .hat
80 not eaten the peach Post.
II Gen. Toombs said yesterday in re
pip to, a question asked him as to tn
le whereabouts of Alexander H. Ste
er phens: II don't know, but I thin
J, Alex. must be trying,to get married
!, he is hanging around Nuraganset
es Pier. / have written to him that,
ne he did not come home, I would &C
to minister on his estate and take hi
IN place in Congress-"
at Tell us not in mournful number
'ut that this life is but a dream, when
Ia girl that weighs one hundred .ge
re- outside quart Of cream, and The
IA wants more. Elmira Gazette. ii
'p is earnest, and the girls know VIII
they need, but in cream they are Y
,es durndest set to show their gritsar
ON greed No encore. New York Ney
to Let US then be up and doing, with
ade heart for any fate; but, neyer.lets
The goa wooipg girls that want a secol
ail- plate. How's that?-Nawsboy. Lily