Daily Republican., 1880-05-06

possums and the old lady had baked al
immense sweet potato pie. The justie
of the peace arrived. The parties tool
their places. The justice proceeded
with the ceremony, when leb Monl
walked in and demanded:
Let up thar, boss. Say cap'n turi
, that gal loose.'
Il reckon WON'T replied Bill.
well, thsn,' said Zsb. drawing re
volver, I'll kinder resort to extremities
See here, remarked Bill, are You il
earnest about this thing''
II 4 reckon | am
/ Don't you mean hogs head ant
turnip greens p
! i reckon do
( Right down to corn bread and cab
bage p
Il reckon it is.'
| We'll, :hen, you can take the gal. |
was only sweet milk and pie with me
I'm in fun. had new pair o
trousers and didn't know what to dc
with 'em. Come a little closer. 1t is
spar ribs and back bones %
Il reckon it is
Then | know the gals yourn,' and
with q slight change in the license, the
marriage proceeded.
WANTED TO SET IN.-At eleven o'clock
a Detroit policeman came upon man
pounding vigorously upon a door Of a
dwelling house, and he asked what he
wanted there. The FOUNDER was pret-
| ty we'll set up. lie descended the steps,
went close up to the officer and softly
whispered in his ear
OTIS my-my own abode, and want
to get in"
"But why don't you call out'" asked
the blue coat.
"B because don't want 70 give my
self away. / want to get into the
house before the jawing commences; |
want my wife to think it's somebody
e!ss."
"Well, GO ahead, but don't arouse
The neighbors."
The officer sauntered on, but In about
ten minutes he encountered the tipsy
citizan on the other side Of the block.
The man was thoroughly drenched with
cold water and had lost his hat.
"Hello! didn't you get inl"
"N-not quite"
Couldn't awaken your wife, ehf"
"The t-trouble was," whispered the
man, as q big shiver gslloped over him,
"the t.trouble was that she was a-aWake
a.all the t-tims.'
,"And she deluged you from second
story window'"
"I-I'm not zactly clear as to whether
1t was q thunder shower or only a
pitcher Of w-water, and l thought I'd
h-hunt you up an-and ask you if
th.thunder showers ever come in the
night, and II lightning ev-ever knocks
perfect gentleman o-off his own door
steps?"
An AWKWARD AFFAIR.-An awkward
affair, which recently occurred to
straight. faced Judge On the Western
Circuit, in England, has been the cub
ect Of much mirth. 1t appears that,
having finished his labors, and having
cast Off his forensic wig at his lodging,
he had retired into the next room to
wait Tor his brother judge, whom he
was to accompany to dinner at the
house of one of the local autocfacy.
The female servant Of the house had
entered the bed chamber by side
door, and, not knowing that the Judge
was in the next room, in q frolic array
ed herself in his wig. just at that
moment when the fair Sarah was ad
miripg herself in the looking glass, the
Judge unexpectedly entered the room
and poor Sarah, catching a sight
of the stern countenance looking
over her shoulder in the glass,
was 80 much alarmed that she tainted,
and would have fallen to the ground II
the learned judge, impelled by human
ity, had not caught her. At this criti-
cal moment his learned brother arriv-
ed, and opening the dressing.room door
with view to see ii he was ready, dis
covered his learned brother with the
fainting maid in his arms. He quickly
attempted to withdraw, when the other
vOciferated:
"For Heavens sake stop and hear
this matter explained"
"Never mind, my dear brother" no
replied, hastily, ''ths matter explains
itself"
And he left his learned brother to
restore the fainting maid as best he
could.
Makers of seemingly absurd asser
tions do not always get the worst Of
the deal. Two urehins sitting on
doorstep with their states in their laps
were heard by passer.by saying,
1.-TWO from one and one remains" He
at once challenged them with, cpl
give you q sixpenoe if you can prove
that, my boys" They took him at his
word, and went into kitchen where
their mother sat nursing twins. In mo
ment each boy had a baby in his arms,
and was pointing at the wondering
matron as a proof that their novel arith-
mstical propositions was correct. They
had taken two from one, and one re.
mained; and they honestly won the re,
ward.
The late Bishop Of Winchester { Viii"
beriorce) occasionally took quie!
days shooting over neighboring
estate. He once chided the keeper for
not going to church, and the man ad-
mitted the fact, but pleaded that he al.
ways read his Bible on Sunday after
Moons. "And my lord," said he ~ do
not find in 1t that the Apostles vent
"No," replied the Bishop,