The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-06-18
ADVICE TO LADIES
Who are Compelled 10 Travel Alone I'm
the (ara

the Cara
l. BE sure You know where you want
to go before you get on the train.
III. When you purchase your ticket
you will have to pay for it; no use to tell
the ticket agent to "charge it and send
the bill to your husband" And if he
says the price of the ticket is So 90,
don't tell him you can get one just like
it of the conductor at the other store for
81 80; he won't believe you, and he may
laugh at you.
LII. Never travel without money 1t
requires broad views, liberal education,
keen discernment and profound judg-
ment to travel without money. No one
can do this successfully but tramps and
editors.
Nv. Beware of the commercial trav-
eler
V. Don't give a stranger your ticket
and ask him to go out and check your
trunk. He will usually be only too glad
to do it. And what is more, he will do
it, and your trunk will be SO effectually
checked that it will never catch up with
you again. And then when the conduc-
tor asks for your ticket and you relate to
him the pleasing little allegory about the
stranger and your baggage, he will look
incredulous and smile down upon you
from half closed eyes, and say that it is a
beautiful romance, but he has heard it
before. And then you will put up your
jewelry or disembark at the next station.
vi. Ii you are going three hundred
miles, don't try to get off the train every
fifteen minutes under the impression that
you are there. If you get there in
twelve hours you will be doing excel
lently.
VII. Call the brakeman conductor"
he has grown proud since he got his new
uniform, and it will fatter him.
VIII. Put your shawl-strap, bundle
and two paper parcels in the hat-rack;
hang your bird-cage to the corner of it,
SO that when it falls off it will drop into
the lap of the old gentleman sitting be-
hind you; stand your four house
plants on the window-sill; set your
lunch-basket on the seat beside you; fold
your shawls on top of it; carry your
pocket-book III one hand and hold your
silver mug in the other; put your two
valises under the seat and hold your
bandbox and the rest of your things in
your lap. Then you will have all your
baggage handy, and won't be worried or
frustrated about it when you have only
twenty-nine seconds in which to change
cars.
TX. Address the conductor every ten
minutes. 1t pleases him to have you
notice him. If you can't think of any
new question to ask him, ask him the
same old one every time. Always call
him "Say," or "Mister. 1"
X. Pick up all the information you
can while travelling. Open the window
and look forward to see how fast the en-
CINE is going. Then when you get home
you can tell the children about the big
cinder you picked up with your eye, and
how nice and warm it was, and what it
tasted like.
XI. Don't hang your parasol on the
cord that passes down the middle of the
car. 1t isn't clothes-line. 1t looks
like one, but it isn't.
XII. Keep an eye on the passenger
who calls the day after Monday "Chews-
day" He can't be trusted a cars
length.
XIII. Do not attempt to change $40
bill for any one, if You have only $6 20
with you; it can't be done.
XIV. If you want nap always lie
with your head projecting over the seat,
into the aisle. Then everybody who
goes up or DOWN the aisle will mash your
hat, straighten out your frizzes, and
knock off your back hair. This will
keep you from sleeping so soundly that
You will be carried by your station.
-Burdete, IN burlington HaWkeye.