Ashtabula weekly telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1880-1886, 1880-04-02
AUNT MONA.

AUNT MONAs
My Aunt Mona, If her own words
might be believed. had hardly been
well for a day throughout her life, GER
tainly not for one during the last twen-
ty years. She walked the earth bun
die of unstrung nerves, an incarnation
OF aches and pains, a living sufferer
of all the disorders that poor mortals
are liable to, a specimen of utter mis-
cry and living martyrdom. From the
crown of her smooth brown head down
to the pretty feet, there was no sound
health in her. So she would assure us
ten times a day.
How is it, wonder, that people who
have every essential good in life to
make them comfortable must create
discomfort for themselvesP Some do
1t. One will seek it in fretfulness, an
other in Jealousy, third in wearing
anxiety about nothing. Isuppose that,
as certain amount of suffering is and
must be the lot of all while they inhab-
1t this world, those upon whom Heaven
has not inflicted it, must needs inflict it
upon them. Aunt Mona found it in
health. That is, you understand, in the
lack of health.
And she might have been so bright
and happy. The wife of Thomas But
terfield, substantial yeoman and farm
er, whose crops never seemed to fail,
and whose house was filed with plen-
ty, Aunt Mona had every substantial
good, in their plain way, that she
could have. Her children were hearty
her friends true. But that health of
hers ruined everything. Any husband less
sunny tempered than Uncle Butterfield,
would have become morose ere this.
Mr.. Whale, the parson, talking of it
one evening to my father, when he had
called in and stayed to supper, and
they became confidential, declared he
should have shaken her long ago were
she his wife, and been fit to turn her out
of doors afterward.
Aunt Mona did not sit patiently down
and endure her suffering; she had too
much spirit for that I don't believe
there was doctor within q hundred
miles who had not heard the dismal
story of her manifold and ever increas-
ing ailments.
She had tried allopathy, homeopathy,
hydrOpathy; she had consulted various
kinds of practitioners-bota eclec-
tic, magnetic and mesmeric. She once
Travelled to London to consult re-
moved spiritual medium. She had
fully tested all the patent medicines
of the day, including Holloway's oint-
ment and Cookies pills and Mrs. Wins
lows soothing sirup and somebody's
chest expanders, and yet-here she
was still, not cured; worse than ever.
Papa would call her on the sly "My sis
ter Moaner."
But now a wonderful thing occurred.
There came into the village hard by a
man of medicine, and he set up his tent
there for day or two He called him
self the great "Physio- Eclectic Mag
netic Healer" and he came heralded
by mighty flourish of trumpets and by
bills as large as life, protesting to cure
everything Aunt Mona was in a flut-
ter of hope; she wrote to him to say
she was coming, and she took me with
her. Her own children were not old
enough, and Uncle Butterfield would
as soon have paid a visit to the moon.
The great Magnetic Healer was a
tall man with a black beard. He
solemnly bowed aunt into a big chair
and me to a smaller one.
81 have enjoyed poor health for
twenty years." began Aunt Mona, in a
signing tone, while the great doctor,
sitting before her, looked and listened
attentively. "Some of the medical
men l have consulted say it must be the
lungs, others the liver, others. again,
say it is the heart. l say it is all three.
They cannot find out any organic dis
ease, they tell me. and they only rec
ommend proper diet, air and exercise.
One of them went so far as to say that
all wanted was cheefulness. | know
better. And so would they if they felt
as l feel. told old Stafford so, our
doctor, the other day. My opinion is
that have a complication of diseases;
my lungs are weak, my liver does not
act, and am often terribly pressed foI
breath, as my niece here, Miss Albright,
can testify to. That, of course, must
be the heart" -'..t.
"Of course" murmured the great
Magnetic Healer. $50 on, madam"
- am troubled perpetually with
rheumatic and neuralgic pains, and ]
have something dreadful in my back.
The spine, no doubt. One minute the
blood will gallop up and down my veins
like streak of lightning, the next il
seems to freeze as if it were so much
ice. have shiverings, and have bad
nights, and ] have headache-and alto
gether am sure no poor woman was
ever so afflicted Can you do anything
for me, sirP believe the hearts the
worst"
MADAM" said the great Magnetic
Healer, pompously, "that particular
form of heart disease has been of FIRE.
puent occurrence in my practice, and
have been invariably successful in its
treatment. Scientifically speaking, yom
complaint is malformation of the right
auricle, and-there may be--somethine
little amiss with the left ventricle.
think perhaps there is. You feel out
of spirits, now don't you, often, es
pecially in damp, gloomy weather, and
4 sort of distaste to eYerything?h
"Why, doctor, no one before eYel
told me thisr' exclaimed Aunt Mona
in ecstacy. cit is exactly how l dc
feel"
"Yes, yes, my dear madam, coulC
describe your every sensation just a.
well as though / myself were the suffer
er. How is your appetite"
"Well, it isnottO be relied on; but it,
mostly very poor. Some days eat wei