Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1880-04-14
CRUMBS.

frees and pigs must root for theit
living.
Women resemble flowers. They
shut up when they sleep.
jay Gould wears a charm ring
and daily consults an oracle.
is collector of moths a mother ]!
or collector of fat father!
If an old sheep can only jump
fence they call it ''spring lamb"
The hen knows the man who robs
her nest. She is always laying for
him.
The game of Smith was saved by
Pocahontas trumping her fathers club
with soft heart.
Are women more likely to be
frightened by storms in summer than
in winter? Yes, by thunder.
The placidity of expression worn
by man who is next" in a full bar
ber shop cannot be counterfeited.
If your son has no brains don't
send him TO college. Yon can't make
palace out of shanty by putting
French roof on it.
Why is a riddle guessed by a
father impossible to guessed by any
other member of the family? Because
it is pas finding out
In matrimonial mathematics hus-
band and wife, though two persons,
are one, and in the course OF year
there is generally one to carry.
The crematory at Washington,
Pa, has regular fixed rate of charges
$50 per adult, a reasonable reduc-
ton being made to families or clubs OF
ten.
"A Chicago man has a woman's
tooth grated into his jaw, and now
every time he passes millinery store
that tooth fairly aches to drag him up
to the window.
In Western city the other day a
mob went to the jail to lynch a muir
derer, but when he with great presence
of mind assured them that he did not
intend to lecture, they threw away the
rope and gave banquet.
Are YOU the mail-carrier z" she
asked of the Hibernian postman.
Faith, an de We think OHM the fa-
male carrier ?" he asked, as ne looked
toward the sky with his nose.
When a Boston girl is presented
with boouet, she SAYS, cob, how de-
liciously sweet its fragrance impreg-
mates the entire atmosphere OF the
ROOM" A down-East girl simply says,
at smells scrumptious-thanks, Reu-
ben"
"A Freeport woman unconsciously
went to church last Sunday with two
hats on her head-one inside of the
other. and score of other women
came very near expiring with envy be-
fore the error was discovered. They
thought it was new stvle of hat
Necessity knows no law" said q
member of the bar one day at dinner.
Are you necessity?" asked his four
wear old daughter "Well, | can't say.
Why do you ask ?" replied the father.
"Cause Mr. Spear says that you know
nothing about law" was the innocent
reply.
A lady hearing the remark that
the storm signal was set, inquired
what that meant and being told that
the Signal Department at Washington
now watches the weather, and tele-
graphs in advance all over the country,
replied, "Now isn't that convenient for
washer-women !"
DIR. Johnson had habit of eating
very fast, and using his fingers instead
of his fork. One day the eynic was
dining with company, when young
would-be wit remarked, doctor, you
remind me of Nebuchadnezzar." "Neb-
uchadnezzar ?" replied the doctor, his
mouth full of victuals-"ah. yes, that's
because Pm eating with brutes."
A four-year old Sunday school
girl did the best she could with a ques-
ton that was asked of the infant class.
Said the teacher, reading: And it
came 10 pass, When hihS heAehah Ii
heard it, that he rent his clothes. Now
what does that mean, children-he
rent his clothes 2" Up went little
hand "Well, if you know, tell US"
"Please, ma'am," said the child, tim
idly, II s'pose he hired 'em out"
Never give your children anything
because they cry for it," says person
who never took care of child at all
We'd like to put that fellow to sleep
in the room with baby that had
eaten all the currant jelly on the sup
per table. Before two O'Clock in the
morning be would be willing to give
it a deed of all his real estate and a
bill of sale of his personal property if
be thought it was crying for them.