The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1880-07-31
How She Got Him.

A Detroit justice of the peace was the
other day interviewed by woman about
40 years of age, who announced that she
would he married on certain night at
her farmhouse, and His Honor had been
selected to come out and perform the
ceremony. She asked how much the
fee was, and paid it and took receipt.
Business concluded she sat down, filed q
short clay pipe with tobacco and indulged
in o smoke.
s.You won't funk ont on this?" she
said, as she rose to go, after exhausting
the contents of her pipe.
ooh, no-I1I be there sure. /"
tSon and SOIL he, or I'll know the
reason why! He's been clawing off a
little lately, but I'll make him toe the
mark, see if I DON'T
II hope nothing unpleasant will oc-
cur" observed the Court.
81 hope so too, but Tn going to be
prepared fora serimmage Just the same.
You always back the weaker sex, don't
you?"
yes, softly replied the Justice.
$50 do /, and guess well be all
right. Don't you forget the date. .
pointed, prepared to perform the cere-
mony with promptness and good will.
He found about dozen persons as
sembled at the house, and the woman
looked gorgeous under the light of three
kerosene lamps. She had her pipe going,
and her face was covered with bland
smile as she shook hands and said:
Take cheer. The old man isn't
here yet, bnt I'll send for him" Then,
turning to boy in the room, she con-
tinued:
Samuel, go and tell the old man it's
time to come in and be spliced.
Samuel departed on his errand, and
after the lapse of ten minutes he re-
turned and responded
'"The old man is over to Martins.
He's got his boots off and is whiting
out wooden cat, and don't believe
he cares two cents about being married
to you or anybody else"
The widow refilled her pipe, took
several strong whiffs and then said to a
long-legged farmer who seemed hungry
for the bridal feast:
Moses, you go over and tell Noah /
want hint"
Moses departed. He was absent ten
minutes, and then lounged in and said;
''Says he is quite comfortable where
he is. Guess he isn't very much on the
marry"
Judge" began the woman as she
looked around for her bonnet, .'you
play game of fox and-geese with
Moses while go over and see about
this thing. There's going to be marriage
to night, and I'll bet a new hoss-rake on
it T.
She was absent about twenty min
utes, and then returned in company
with Noah, He had neither coat nor
hat on, and only one boot, and both
were painting for breath.
"G-go ahead, Judgef" she gasped, as
she hauled the groom into the centre
of the room. He heard me coming
and got out and run four times around
the orchard, but here he is"
.sDo you want to marry this woman?"
asked the official, as he gave Noah look
ing over.
"Yaas, was the blunt reply.
.aThen why did you run away ?"
'Spose I'm going to give right in
the first thing?" demanded the indig-
nant Noah. ''I1l go and fix up and
come back" !"
mo, darling; no you wont. my pet
amethyst r chuckled the widow. well
be married right here and now, boots or
no bootsr'
She crowded him against the table.
Moses stood behind the pair to render
any needed aid, and the knot was soon
tied. As soon as the ceremony was
over Noah skipped out of the back
door, but no one pursued. The widow
called the guests to supper and re-
marked:
'sSit right down and don't worry
about the groom. I've been nine years
working him up to this, but he'll be a
little bashful for few weeks to come.
Have some of the roast pig. Mr.. Court?''
Detroit Free Press.