Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1880-06-19
Editorial Rreyities.

graduates himself that his verses sold
5000 etra copies OF the COngres"onat
Record.
An insured man can do something for
his family if he has the good luck to die
before the failure of the company which
insures him.
During a lesson on the life Of Hing
David class of girls was asked, "Who
killed the giant ?" Whereupon one re-
piled, "Jack.
If telephones come into uso for
spreading sermons the man who passes
the contribution box will need a horse
and carriage.
Bret Harte continues TO be just i'll
enough not TO write sketches-just well
enough to draw his salary as consul. 1t
might be worse.
a young adynamed Sheep changed
her name to lamb before she had been
in Michigan thirty-s six hours. She went
West in quest OF youth.
Emerson says everything good in man
leans on something higher. We differ
with Emerson. The good man leans
upon staff which is lower than he; 1t
is the bad men who take the higher
lamp post for support.
1t must be admitted, although mex
prcssiyelo painful TO our feelings, that
Lord Conkiing looked very much just
oftar DELEGATE Campbell, of West Va,
kicked him, as lie did on that memora-
BILE dav last summer down 10y the sad
sea shore, when, for lack of anything
better TO do, he buried his classic face
in a basin of crackers aud milk.
A CORRESPONDENT asks, "What will
cure an actor of ranting!' RaLt back
at him; for 'similia simiibus curantur.
Schuyler Colisx wants politics to be
decent and respectable, and he proves
his sincerity by keeding out OF EN-.
Clothes don't make the man, but a
good suit goes long ways with the car
conductor when he finds a man who
left his wallet at home.
A woman at Dcs Moines has a hen
which she declares to be twenty elgh,
years old. More than fifty hotel keepers
have sought to buy the fowl.
The exasperated owner OF corner
stone in Augusta, Me-, has pnt np,a sign
reading: "Wanted, the ten LATEST men
in town-to loaf on this corner
5000 iron workers are out Of employ
ment in and around Pittsburg OH &C
count of strike on the part Of the pud
dlers.
When Webster said there is always
room at the top" ne was not referring
to the advertising page of news paper
The oleOmargarine flies, with their
brilliantly colored wings, are fiutteilng
hither aud thither, more especially thilh-
er.
At restaurant: "Take away the
sauerkraut; there's hair in it y Mon.
sieur you astonish me. | thought had
picked them all out"
Get up my son! The early bird catch
es the worm, You know - 81 don {
want to catch no worms, papa and, and
have TO take nasty medicine :!
Atmospheric knowledge is not thor
oughly distributed in our school. a
boy being asked, 'What is mist? vague
~ responded, 'An umbrella.
A young man boasted that he had a
wcll-stored mind; whereupon young
lady muttered, what pity we can t
find out where he stored it.
On Tuesday night, of last week, at
twelve o'clock, the resignation OF Thos.
A. Scott as President of the Pennsyl-
vania Railroad took effect, and Geo. B.
Roberts succeeded to the position.
For what length Of time Col. Scott will
remain passive upon railroad matters Is
difficult to conjecture; more difficult,
probably for its possible breSity than for
its extended length.
The story runs that when Mr.. George
3 B. Roberts was young man he was
encouraged by friend with the remark
that he might some day be President Of
the United States. After meditating
moment be answered, II would rather
be president of the Pennsylvania Rail
road Company. "Little did he think
then, rs an humble civil engineer, that
his wish would be fulflled.
Baltimore City cannot yet boast Of
her grand aud pallatial post-office.
Congress now hesitates about appropri-
ating the $4,000 designed to pay for
the removal of the buildings on the
new post Office site. "a bird in the
hand is worth two in the bush" and the
old and tried post-office is yet better
and finer than the one under coutem-
plation.
A disgrseeful prize fight took place
on Tuesday morning Of last week, at
Golfers Station, in Brooke county, in
this State, between Joe Goss and Pat
rick Ryan, for purse Of $4,000 and
the championship of America, in which
eiehty-six rounds were fought and the
prize awarded to Ryan. The fight was
in violation OF the laws of West Virgin
ia, and Gov. Matthews will, it is said
endeavor to have the parties broght
justice.
A rival to Sam Patch and his daring
leaps from high obstacles into water,
has made his appearanee,to keep Amer
leans in another state Of suspense as TO
his safety, Lewis K. Tomson, ayoung
man about twenty-three years Of age, is
his name. He is now practicing by
jumping from the highest masts; and
upon the completion of the East River