Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-02-09
FACTS AND FaNCIEs.

Advice to the dressmakers-Be sure you
are right and then gore ahead.
The duty of the hour is to mind your
own business and not your neighbours baby.
A bad lot-One which is three feet under
water and 10 per cent. over the market
price.
The Utes have somehow or other dropped
the letters CDR" from the first of their
name.
Advice to oyster-eaters, candidates and
American mothers N Europe watch the
count!
The parlor sofa-the shorter it is the
longer you like to sit on it, with good COM
pany.-[ New Haven Register.
Beware of cards. Many young man
has fallen into the hands of knave, and
come within an ace of going to the deuce.
Miss Eckhardt, farmers daughter of
State Center, Ia, pitched EIGHTY acres of
wheat from wagon to stack, and was mar
ried few hours afterward.
Bustles have gone out of fashion. A
richly-dressed woman. wearing one of great
size, attracted the attention of the custom
officers at Windsor, Canada. Itw found
to contain tea.
Benedict has many time accompanied
a blushing debutante at the piano, but the
other day the clever composer was induced
to accompany a charming young lady to
the hymenial altar.
Eve never had a silk dress She had no
use for one. There were no Ferguson girls
across the way for her to paralyze with
envy when she went out shopping in silk
Dress Norristown Herald.
Pressed ferns make very nice table
ornament, but they won't save a single
ounce of butter with the children. A
small picture. book at each plate will an
swer the purpose much better.
A Paris journalist, having spent the
morning in proving that capital punish
went into the streets and found two chill
dren playing with toy guillotine.
Roxana Brigham, maiden lady of about
so years, belonging to one of the old families
of Marlboro, Mass, is starving herself to
death from an insane notion that the Lord
does not want her to eat any more.
The liar may succeed for time, but
Justice is sure to overtake him. A Chicago
man told the burglars around his bed that
he hadn't dollar, but when they put a
candle to the soles of his feet he shelled
out $50.
"It's so strange that you should have
grown so tickle of late, my DEAR" said
Mrs. Mick to her husband, "for in earlier
years you were as staid as could be-you
never came to see me but you stayed till
II or l o'clock"
eli, cabby, have you hot brick in
your hack! - " Yes, boss" Enter fare J
~ say, cabby, this hack is as cold as
Greenland; l thought you had some hot
bricks $50 have-they're under my
feet out here. G'lang!"
81 say, old fel, you haven't got FIVE
franc piece about you that you don't know
one" Thanks-but, hello, l say, you
know, it's bad!" ''You asked me for one
1 didn't know what to do with"
DIR. Storrs tells the story of a man who
remarked to penurious companion that
the kingdom of Satan was to be destroyed,
and asked him if he wasn't glad of it.
eyes" he replied, 81 suppose so, but it
seems pity to have anything wasted"
There is nothing so charming as the in
nocence of children. Mamma" said a
five-year-old, the other day, 81 wish you
wouldn't leave me to take care of the baby
again. He was so bad l had to eat all the
sponge cake and two jars of raspberry jam
to amuse him"
An emaciated humorist, who had been
sick for long time, was required by his
doctor to have large mustard plaster put
on his chest Look here, doctor, isn't
that great deal of mustard, when the
quantity of meat is taken into considera-
ton ?" asked the sufferer.
The truth concerning Michigan grocers
has at last come to light. 'When a
grocer" says the Detroit Free Press, is
trying to live so as to meet his first wife
in the land beyond the skies, he won't
shake peck measure as he fills it with
beans. If he is living simply to keep his
second wife in good clothes, he'll talk and
shake and rattle Off more than pint.
A Brazilian Count, a Millionaire, was
dining at the table d'hote at fashionable
hotel in Paris. His outlet was to his taste,
and he ordered another. 'We only give
one outlet" said the manager, land no
bread with one fishball" Without word
the Count rose, went out, bought the
hotel, returned, led the manager to the
front door and kicked him down the steps.
Then, reseating himself at the table, said
Bring me another outlet" They brought
it swift as the eagle cleaves the air..
He was not feeling very well that even
ing, but before he left he managed to say,
beatrice, when l look down into your
lambient orbs, refulgent with a more than
celestial brightness, feel myself the very
Romeo gazing upon his Juliet, and am
Identity" And she, darling creature,
looked up into his face, radiant with
heavenly hope, and softly murmured
Theodore, isn't your headache easier
now? l should think you'd feel wonder
fully relieved after getting all that out OF
your system.
An amateur pedestrian, walking across
the northern edge Of Westminster county,
N. Y, on wager, stopped at the forks of
road, at loss as to which way his course
lay, and awaited the arrival of stranger
who was coming at tremendous stride.
81 say sir" he cried out, can you tell me
which is the shortest road TO Sing Sing?"
I" Yes, sir, said the strange, uubuttoning
convict's striped shirt, and lifting cap
from closely cropped head ; "you must
stand here and see which way l 60, and
then YOU turn right around and 90 Just the
other way-straight.' The amateur pc
destrian followed these simple directions
and arrived at the end OF his course in
time to win his wager.