Connecticut western news., 1880-07-28
WIT AND WISDOM.
Iou1s almost lost her census.

VICE PRESIDENT Wheeler says no political agitation disturbs the biting of fish.
 THESE are the days when fellow feels like doing nothing and keeping at it. ....a, .... ....r. ', ''. -., 7.s
 A BAD Philadelphia boy made his mothers hair raise the other day. He stole her switch for kite bobs.
 WE CAN all understand the business of our neighbors, gays the Whitehall. Times, better than we can our own.
 A Sr LOUIS paper says that "the Chi cago type of girl has nonparel head on a brevier body, and long primer foot"
 WHY is vain young lady like a con- firmed drunkard Because neither of them is satisfied with moderate use of the glass.
 A MAN just died in New Orleans of eating matches. The poor, impatient man couldn't wait till after death for his birthstone. .--.'.
 A YOUNG lady out West, who had charge of toll-gate, was dismissed be- cause she failed to collect toll from her lover. She never tolled her love.
 OUR lives are full of deep regrets,
 Of shattered hopes, of pledges ioken,
 But never comes sorrows pang
 For words which we have kindly spoken.
 SOME predict that the time will come when people can read each others thoughts like book. It is sad to think that many fy-leaves will be discovered where least expected.
 A BACHELOR, upon reading that two chair in the room," said it could not be done unless one of them sat on the floor. Such ignorance is painful.
 SOMEBODY has said that "we spend annually more for tobacco than reading" It is not at all surprising, when we take into consideration the enormous amount of newspapers borrowed every day.
 A WISCONSIN doctor says that twelve mosquitoes, if left undisturbed, will bite a person six times apiece every hour in the twenty-four, and that the twelve will each take drop of blood at every bite
 MosT of the ministers are now off on their summer vacations. Satan, whom they abuse the most, sets better ex- ample in this respect by remaining steadily at workout then he is used to he heat.
 IT WOULD never do to elect women to all offices. If female sheriff should visit the residence of handsome man and tell his jealous wife that she had an attachment for him, there would be & vacancy in that office in about two minutes. ..-s,
 THE late Dr. Bethune asked a morose and miseily man how he was getting along. The man replied "What bus mess is that of yours?" Said the doc tor: 70, sir, am one of those who take an interest even n the meanest of Gods creatures"
 AT fashionable wedding recently, quite number of people congregated to view the bridal party on their exit from the church. A passer-by, recognizing one of the hackmen, said: Waiting for job?" "No," was the laconic re- ply, "I'm waiting for the tied"
 AN nPEoUNIoUs fortune hunter having been accepted by an heiress, at the wedding, when that portion of the ceremony was reached where the bride groom says "With all my worldly goods I thee endow," spiteful relative of the bride exclaimed, "There goes his valise r
 IT MAY be set down as fact, that man who will attempt to bribe reporter with cheap cigar, and then give him ten-line advertisement to be published in consideration of the treat, will steal corn from blind pig, and is mean enough to steal mans only mother-in- law.
 THE Lowell, Mass, Courier tells about school teacher in that city who certainly deserves purse equal to her wits. She says she is in 8 quandary whether to get ready to go away on vacation and stay at home, or not to get ready and go She can afford to do one or the other, but not both.
 A YOUNG woman of Cambridge, Mass, jealous of the honor of the students, on hearing of the late defeats of the Harvard nine at baseball, remarked, responsibility eff the young gentle men had paid more attention to their baseball and less tov their books, they would not have been so badly beaten"
 A WEALTHY upstart goes to sales stable to buy pair of carriage horses. "Here are sample of fine English-bred mares" says the proprietor. "English- bred! They will not do." "Why?" My coachman is Frenchman. "Well." eff they were raised in Eng land they couldn't understand word he said"
 AT A billiard match: A delicate posi- tion presents itself, and the player essays to bring the balls in position by 8 tremendous six-cushion shot. D., who is deeply interested spectator, leans forward to see the play, and receives the butt of the cue with great force on the end of his nose. He makes horrible outcry, but the player turns to him and says, in 8 reassuring tone: "Never mind. It made no difference. I Icounted."
 IT IS we'll to look at all sides of sub ject before you indulge in an opinion. Curran once said to Father Leary: CT wish, Reverend Father, that you were St. Peter and had the keys of Heaven, because then you could let me in" The