Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-12-18

Jack-FnIi and Fonr Deuces-Rak-
ing the SO-Cal1ed ''POt.'
rChicago Tribune.l
Ever since General Schencks admirable trea-
t1se brought it prominently into notice Swans
have been endeavoring to prove that draw.
poker is justly entitled 10 consideration as one
OF the exact sciences, beautifully governed by
strtctest mathematical law, instead OF being
merely one OF the eccentric and ruieless recrea-
tons incident to American leisure. Their ef-
forts however, seem to be attended by many
complex difficulties. Having been appointed
committee to investigate some interesting ex-
feSSor Dana on the Correlation Of Blind and
Straddle," Professors Huxley Darwin and Tyn.
dali pursued their researches from I:3O p. a.
one Saturday until 11:15 q. m. Sunday, aud
PROFESSOR Huxley, the chairman. reported as
follows:
Your committee, after ar1uous labor and
great expense. find that while the Dana theory
OF Elevation OF Straddles, as contained ia his
paper, Is correct in the premise, 1t is sometimes
d1saStrouSly fstiaciOuS in the conclusion. One
OF the experiments tried by your committee
erned by myself, consisted before the draw OF
ore stratum OF ensangu1ned jacks, one stratum
OF sable queens and one accidental but worth
less diamond-almost as valuable formation
as that instanced by Professor Dana The sub
senior hand, engineered by Professor Tyndall,
Was nearly homogeneous With small spades, the
beautiful continuity being only boDtaiied at one
ED end Dy healthy but ineflicacious heart. The
Junior hand under the management OF Pro.
lessor Darwin, consisted before the draw. as
he states, OF one thin stratum OF deuceS with
three sub strata OF detritus-an eight, a
-FOUR and six OF assorted suits. Professor
Tyndan and Darwin having duly entered. l
generously uplifted the revenue to the extent
Of the limit, which in our case was e1O. To
this Professor Tyndall readily acced 3D.
Professor Darwin demurred for several min
utes, arranged and rearranged his strata 10 an
uncertain and, as we thought, nervous manner
but finally concluded his meditation and con.
frfDtlfpd n,lfn handsome fossil tn
wards the general centre. To me he then dealt
one substratum, to Prof. Darwin one, and to
himself three. Applying myself to the taxlder-
mistS art, soon discovered that my formation
OF jacks had been wonderfully enriched, the
triple strata Of which even now, resting upon
my stratum OF queens, quite filed my hand.
Pfof. Tyndall then, after examining his newly
acquired stratum with evidences Of suppressed
emotion, advanced one fossil, to the value of
f2. Prof. Darwin took panoramic view of his
strata, and nearly covered that, and. to my
great delight, added a Smaller fossil to the value
Of 10 shtlf1ngs- l promptly covered both de
posits and then proceeded to hoist Prot Darwin
10 the extent or f1O. Still further to my de-
nght, ProI. Tyndall elevated me In like ratio
would retire. So did Professor Tyndall, who
half regretted having put on so aggressive a
front to his usually timid friend. But to our
Immense satisfaction Professor Darwin. after
again reviewing his strata to see If they were
all there, not only nimbly assembled Professor
Tyndaifs elevation, but capped 1t, as before
win IV htJUlClLS III In6
wisdom of the Dana theory. but with an artful
stimulation OF hesitation designed TO encourage
my fellow investigators / again climbed over
both preeipltous heaps TO the extent Of flO
Ike blurred and h1deOuS dream. Professor
Tyndail leaped over me, Professor Darwin
hoped over him and turned somerSaultS over
Professor Darwin. until not only was my entire
fossil collection my pocket portfolio of engraved
PORTRAITS of government celebrities and
checks for half the sum OF my accumulations
In the East India Bank heaped on the pile,
with Professor Tyndall's watch and ye-glasses
and fine pOlartscOpe and collar buttons
tegetLer with his seal ring, mortgage
On his house, an order for seven months ad-
body, and transfer order for two-thtrds of his
registered consols, but also drafts from Profess
sor Darwin upon his publisher for the entire
gross receipts OF new edition OF the Descent
OF SlecieS,' with clear deed Of the copyright
OF DOCK now In preparation. now naturally
began to fear lest my zeal should blight the
future of my two friends, especially that of
Professor Darwin. whose acquaintance with
the science under discussion was but limited at
best, and who, felt quite certain. merely per-
mediation. But as Professor Tyndau continued
his muscular exercise In boosting my ventures.
anu as Professor Darwin would each time
mildly encourage him with 10 shilling prod,
Still continued. Finally, when my oVercOat
and Professor Tyndalls rubber goloshes and
Professor Darw1n'S telescope hat had been
added to the heap on the extra table brought
w to ca aNd al ahe rdpn Sg P the
cally saying that ne Called simply because he
mad nothing more to bet but his sleeve buttor,s,
Which were q birthday present from his wife.
Upon the cal, l looked at Prof. Tyndall. Prot.
TyLdall looked at Prof. Darwin, and Prot OAR
win looked at both of us. Prof. Tyndall said
that he had not foreSeen this-that he had been
bounced higher than when he was on top of the
MatterhOrn, and had forgot himself In his ex.
ftfPmpBt-fhaf hn he f0utHn'f
think, but he had an ace flush. He then started
to gather in and count up the pot l checked
BIN, and with tears in my eyes confessed that
had been very, very wrong. but that I had
really supposed Prof. TyndallS strata were
more nearly like my own@hat felt keenly for
Prot. Darwin, who had been dragged iRnocently
comforter and polka dot handkerchief and
telescope hat, and to Prof. Tyndall his
eye glasses and goloshes and one collar
button. and beg both not to mention it
that had been surprised at the tremendous
developmental effect OF the draw upon the ger.
mlnal protoplaSm OF my hand and had been un-
necessarily deluded into raising-and that |
friends, but that had three jacks and pair
OF queens. then burst into tears and began
to rake In the small change. In this was as
sisted by Professor Darwin, who certainly dis.
played the utmost stoiclsm throughout. At
length. when the huge pile was sorted, and the
value roughly estimated, thought to console
BuH anu dShtU WHAT nc naQ. line horror
OF both Professor Tyndall and myself can only
be imagined by your learned body when we
saw Professor Darwin deliberately first pocket
the neatly folded bank notes. and then the roAs
of guiDeaS, and then put Professor Tyndall's
watch In bis fob and try on Professor TyndalrS
golosheS, and adjust Professor Tyndalr5 eye
glasse On bis nose, and test them by running
over my hand again, and put On my Overcoat
and stuff the pockets thereof with the mort
cages and deeds and checks, &C., which had ac-
cumuiateH, and then pass In the fossils to me
TO be Gus Led, and finally, with delicate smile
OF coincidence, skin out four deuces and king
Your committee beg TO state that the Dana
theory ID pern1cious and fraudulent In the ex-
IRENE. In conclusion would respectfully beg
TO withdraw my OFFER to make at my own ex-
pense scientific Investigation OF the theory OF
Professor McCoSh, OF Princeton, that ''Straighrs
are absolute In 1ack-potS-" Professor Tyndall
also desires me TO say that his falling he alth
Will prevent his eQu!pping and accompanying
the proposed party 10 explore the glaciers Of the
Jungfrau and says they must equip themselves
or stay at home.
Accompanying the above was minority re-
port as follows:
The Dana theory. In my opinion, is the most
striking instance OF transmitted Simian instinct
l have yet seen. Although apt to mislead at
first sight, its finer and more deeply seated
reasonings are among the noblest and most
improving studies In the contemplation of the
ascent and descent OF man. l beg to inclOSe
my back dues for eighteen months TO the Roy al
and TO state that will cheerfully contribute
f5O0 towards the contemplated "ClasSitcation
OF the Ring Tailed Monkeys of Madras" by
yOur tiiOStrfO0S 00dV. have 0-6ay decided m