Litchfield enquirer., 1880-06-17
CLIPPINGS.

CL1fE1NG0.
 | Irish butter-little pats.
 What does the pupil of the eye study? | Did anybody say anything last week about | AusterlitZ.
 Mrs. Mix and potato bugs have reached Wallingford.
 Does person become stone blind who is petrifed with astonishment?
 No man was made in vain. If he isn't l good for anything else his skin will make two pairs of boots.
 l When you give aims, there are two who | know all about 1.-the Master of the Treas ury and the giver.
 thank the Lord that there is one thing in this world that money kant buy, and that iz | the wag oy dogs tail.
 Young Leopold can boast, when he re l turns home, that he has seen what no English | prince ever saw before. Because strawberries are small, it does not l follow that there are more of them to the | quart. for the quart is frequently made small CT to match the strawberries. The Boston druggist who put up audanum | for tincture of rhubarb was busy telling d friend funny story, but verdict for $5, ,O0O damages sebered him up. How many men take the fatal step in life with the idea that they are getting an angel and soon after marriage find that they have nothing but woman.
 "Oh for voice that is still," remarked the tired Tennyson. There is5 no denying the | fact that "s voice that is stilP' is long felt want.
 "There," said charming lady, with naive 1 expression, that made her face radiant, point ing to an ebony case of china ware, that IS my brck-bat cabinet" E: A couple of reporters spent the night in | cell with man who was doomed to be hang. ed in Connecticut recently, and in the morning | the prisoner was perfectly willing to die.
 The average life of a farmer is sixty-six | years. and if he wasn't obliged to run and yell | so much, getting his neighbors COWS out of his corn field, he'd probably bring it up to eighty one
 A Scotchman asked an Irshman. "Why | were half farthings coined in England ?' Pats | answer was: 'To give Scotchmen an oppor- tinity of subscribing to charitable institu- tions."
 When the census -taker, wishing to compli- ment, said to a citizen: "Ah, sir, you've wife of hundred !" the lady grabbed rol- ling pin and sailed in on him saying: .sYou villain, told you l was only 25. Don't you dare to put it down as 100!'
 Teacher-"What is an abbreviatisn ?" Scholar-"A shortening" Teacher-"Yes; give me an example" SchOlar-"Some folks ,.of, h,rft hut L.. enough for anybody"
 Rev. Henry Ward Beecher believes that eff Benjamin F. Butler were elected (presi- den) God would not be scared bit" Pos slbly not; but the gentleman who presdes below might become just a trif1e jeal- The arithmetic. teachers do not now dare ask a third term question in arithmetic One of them tried it the other day. Said she, Johnny, what is q unit ?' Said he, My father says it isa dodge of Conk lng's, and that he'll do as he pleases.
 When ysn see the census man coming don't lock lhe door. Let him in and entertain him while answering ques tions. If you don't tell hi:n how old you are he will have to ask the family next door who don't like you, and will put you down about ten years too much
 "By Geowgc," said Mr. Topofty, as he twirled his light conplexloued little cane about hin fingers. "Tha! siwl is as good az an artificial ice machine. Aw I inquired if my company wouIi be, aw, acceptable and hy Geowge, she simply looked at me. Aw!I felt vewy queeah
 "The Criminal Law Magazine says: A lo,g wnded lawyer lately defended criminal un. | successfully, and during the trial the iuLse re. ceived the following note: ''fhe prisoner | humbly prays that the time occupied by the | plea of the counsel for the defense be counted | in his sentence"
 "Will you please pass the milk, Miss Brown" askcda young man of fidgcty | maid at the supper table Do you take me | for waiter, sir ?" she answered. "Wen." he | added, "as no one has taken you thus far, and | you've waited so very long, I should think you | were ene."
 What is the worst thing about riches ?" asked the Sunday school superintendent. And | the new boy in the bad class under the gall | lery, who only came in last Sunday, stood up | and said, ''Their scarcity" And in his con- | fusion the superintendent told the school to | rise and sing Don't be weary, children"
 A young lad rang the door bell,
 Of a newly married pair .--"
 Don't you want boy ?" he said
 Shyly pulling at his hair
 Want a boy p she echoed;
 Why, you impudeut scapegraee ["
 And she gave the door a slam
 In that youths astonished face.
 An Englishman at hotel in New York | asked the clerk if there were 'oysters in the | hotel" ''Oh yes," was the answer; ssstep i right in the restaurant we don't keep them | :ln the office" "Egad!" sad MT. John Bull, | II think you misunderstood me, you know I l mean oyster, don't know, a lift'-a helle- | vator, maybe you call it in this country"
 He was stranger, but he entered with an | air of confidence and handed us what he called l joke" We examined it, and told him | that 1t contained neither sense nor point, and | that it was pure piece of idiocy. We'll" l he replied, reaching for his manuscript, ''I have read your paragraphs for some time, and thought you preferred them that way" When man sees advertised ga four-bladed knife for ten cents, he should not buy one for his little son. A four r-hladed knife for ten cents is well calculated to convert nine-year old boy into pirate. or polititian or a Bob ingersoll Ill less than twenty four hours He can't cut his fingers with such knife, to be sure. bui the blades turn and twist into SO many fantastic shapes that the boys bosom is nlled with anguish and things, and his eyes with tears and revenge.
 Friends are in the habit of warmly greeting their acquaintances upon the arrival of pas senger Cars at some of the American railway stations. It was only the other day that a young gentleman rushed through crowd to wards lady, seized her hand, and gave her hearty kiss, the smack of which sounded above-we were going to say the ding of l doings; but it is enough to state that the re- port startled a country lass hard by. who ex. claimed 10 her ''feller," ''Massy, Joshs what on airths gev way on the keers"
 No, Ethel, no, don't suppose 'clerical kiss ing" is any worse than any other kind. The worst thing about it seems to be that it is more