The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-03-13
AN ARCADIAN REVENGE.
A sketch of English society in 1875


"DEPEND upon it, my dear sir, there
is a system of compensation; L, for ex-
ample, occupy position in the coun-
try beyond my talents, while you pos
sess talents that are considerably above
what is ecessary-ahem-to a person
of your condition of life"
This amazing speech was addressed
to me con6dentially in the smoking
room of our common club one night by
Mr.. Dornoway-Dicke, after we had
dined together for the first time. 1t
was late in August; the club was
empty, and had invited him to join
tables, though l knew him to be a dolt,
rather than to dine alone. The bad
man may take solitary meal without
moral damage, and even to the public
advantage, since the custom is I'M
wholesome, and tends to shorten life;
but to the good man it is harmful. His
thoughts, constant as the needle to the
pole to what is pure and good, are
naturally attracted to himself, and his
benevolent actions, his excellent mo-
tives, his whole blameless career, pass
in review before his eyes, and he be-
comes self-conscious and elf-compla-
cent Rather than run the risk of this,
having ordered my own modest repast,
1 looked up at Dornoway-D icke, who,
with his glass painfully fixed in his eye,
was scanning the same 81 limited Carte
for the day, in doubt Gas guessed)
about the French dishes, and observed,
"Sha1 we dine together?" and he had
replied courteously, Charmed, l am
sure"
AS a matter of fact Mr.. Dornoway-
Dicke was man not easy to charm; it
was not in Genius (though up to that
date l don't think it had ever tried it)
to do so; and believe even Beauty
herself would have failed in the at
tempt, unless she had had a title to
back her.
Mr.. Dicke's weakness was for lord !;
very common one, of course, but in
his case unusually pronounced. His
conversation was studded with titles as
the armament is with stars; and he was
in respect to them what Mr.. Carlyle, in
relation to spiritual things, calls {" ter
ribly at ease in Zion;" that is, he was
shockingly familiar with Earls and Wis
counts, while as to Baronets, he would
refer to them by their Christian names.
To say that his views upon all matters
were common place would have been
fattering to his intelligence; they were
conventional to sublimity.
"Ghost stories are absurd" argues
Coleridge, "because, though men tell
us they have had such an experience, if
a man did really ever see what he ac-
tually believed to be ghost, idiocy
would at once supervene;" but 1 firmly
believe that Dornoway-Dicke would
have seen a ghost without the least in
jury to his intellectual powers; not be-
cause he was already an idiot, but (in-
dependently OF that because so uncon-
ventional subject as the supernatural
had never entered his mind. If the
ghost had a title, then, indeed, an i'm
preston might have been made, but it
would have been produced by his tenn
poral not his spiritual lordship. In all
matters which exercise the human
mind, from theology to American
bowls, he took not the faintest interest;
that upon the subject of the dignity
and position of the Dornoway-Dicke
family he could, and would, be very
diffuse if you were not careful. He was
a man in short to nod to, but not to
speak with, unless the means of escape
we're handy. Still, late in August at a
London Club one cannot afford to be
particular, and having such strong
moral reasons for not dining alone, l
had to dine with Dornoway-Dicke.
There was one circumstance, howev-
er, which really did attract me toward
this gentleman, and made me wish for
a closer acquaintance. 1t was much
debated question in the club whether
he wore a wig or not, and wanted TO
solve it. If he did so Qor even after
dining with him / was not sure) they
were the best wigs that ever were. /
say wigs, because he must have had
lots of them, for his hair was sometimes
short and sometimes long, and some
times just as it ought to be in the case
of o fashionable young gentleman of
fifty-four. For there was this disad-
vantage about the distinguished posi-
ton of the Dornoway-Dicke family,
that, being in the peerage-though it
must be confessed in very remote and