The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-11-03
TAILINGs.

TAILINGS.
Indiana has foreclosed on Jim English.
An Improvement in barrel hoops is an
nounced. This has probably resulted from
Jim English's necessity.
script has been invoked as a key to decipher
the inscriptions on the obelisk.
Never use an ''n" in spelling "Deuterosco-
pied.' You will save yourselves much
trouble by observance of this simple rule.
The Gar has married the Princess Dolgo-
rouki, keeping the event lid in the deepest
obscurity. The future Czarina is q daughter
of the oldest family in Russia.
General Weaver didn't carry West Virgin
ia, but he accomplished all he was after in
Indiana. = Chicago Tribune. With all thy
faults | love thee still-my porter.
Satan is an angel of light, Judas Iscariot is
a Christian, Benedict Arnold is a patriot, Sit
ting Bull is a peacemaker and "Deuterosco-
pied is superior to the wisdom of three wise
men.
Mr.. Bass is proving his affinity to the low
er vertebra by taking a census of the deer in
his forrest of Glenquoich, Scotland. Only
a bass could display such Indifference when
q multitude of his countrymen are on the
verge Of starvation.
Why, O Democratic party, didst thou cry
"Cnsarism', and then put up q "man on
horseback for our President? Why, 0
Democracy, did We cry out "fraud," and
then put upon your cry the impress of lie
by ignoring the man who you claim was de-
frauded?
This time be turned MP alongside the boat,
and he kept up as fast as the boat could go.
He (the man in the boat made a dive at
him with a hand spike, and just missed him.
Then he Chat came alongside) made a grab
at the man in the boat, but the man lodged.
He then disappeared. 1t was the sea ser
pent.
When the devil was sick, the devil a monk would be
When the devil got well the deyil a monk was he.
And now when the two great parties have
finished their strivings, and the unblushing
mask of their hypocrisy, and their attitude of
mock humility is cast aside and unbent, the
will witness the old scramble for the
and fishes wherever either party has
poWer-and its own utter helplessuese.
NJ. Gastadoit of Vincengeno, Italy, has in
vented something that will prolong the sound
the piano note.-Ep. Now has the sum-
of our discomfort become perpetual!
Will not some enterprising inventor put a
patent ear on Mr.. Gastadoit and compel
to listen to the rumbling and tWitter-
ng, and double-handed grand marches which
lis invention has now made perpetual.
Conkling is the great hero of the battles
ust fought. No one approaches him in the
,randiloquent swell he is left proudly and
alone. The other fellows are ex-
claiming with the angry Cassius:
Why, man, he doth bessride the narrow world
Like a Colossus; and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs, and peep about
To find ourselves dishonorable graves.
A letter from Froude appears in the Lon
on Times. OF late he seems to have taken
special interest 10 Ireland and the Irish. In
bis letter he says: 'sThe present state of
hings cannot last, and the agitation will
'robably oblige the government to call par
lament together early, perhaps for Q No
ember session. They will then bring in q
to satisfy the Parnell party, a md the
louise of Lords will throw it out. Then
will be an appeal to the country. So
ar I see-no further. If Messrs. Gladstone
nd Forster have their way, then civil war,
which the Prime Minister spoke of, is ! think
Inevitable" Suffering centuries of Irish
.isrule and British oppression makes Eng
and's future loo.z q weary one, if th ere is
nything in the doctrine of compensations.
An old goose at New Albany, Ind. with
ne leg and n wing broken, and that had
zen deserted by the balance Of the flock,
deliberately threw its neck under the wheels
+ a wagon and allowed itself to be run over.
.Hr. This paragraph has been following
be rounds Of the press for the past fifteen