The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1880-05-12
COL. soLoN's WEBBING PRESENT.

Col. Scion, as he came into the Der
rick office, yesterday, "of my OLD
chum, Joe Blinkcr. You never know
ed him. Me and him were cronies
in the army, and we were the best OF
friends for nigh on twenty years, til
he married the old maid Johnson
That kinder split the thing, and we.
amt spoke since"
"You shouldn't have dropped the
acquaintance just because liegot mar
ried, colonel"
ooh, diln't drop it. 'Twasn't
me, but twas about a present | sent
'em. You see few weeks afore the
we'ldin' Joe come to me and SEE he,
Colonel. i know as how yer going
to give me some sort of present.
OF COURSE seq /. And continues
Joe, EFF It's all the same, jest yer
give US su'thin useful instead o or
namental; or ye might make it USE
full as we'll as ornamental seq he
Only don't give US any gimcracks
and hitalutins wat don't do any
good.'"
"Joe." SCI l, "I'il do 'er. Yer SEN
Sible to the last
"This was afore I was married, yel
know, and | was jest as ignorant oil
wimmen kind as monkey is of ltal.
sun opera. But thinks / TO myself
it must be suLhin' ornamental as vel
as useful, and I was bound to fill the
bill. | studied on that present for 6
whole week, and dreamed of it al
night. l started once to buy Joe {
hooljack, all painted over with yal
Ter and red, and then | thinks
] oughter git suthin' for the bride in
std of Joe. At last / hit it. Mis-:
johnson was skinny end old-so OLE
she'd lost all her upper teeth. say
u her laf one day when went alon!
with Joe to see her, an that ar va
cancy below her upper lip, like hol
where a hoard had been knocked Of
i a barn, jest jagged the idee right in
ter my head. l got the most beau
liful set o teeth yer ever saw. Mic
: ivory sot in gold. 'Joe,' seq l
n myself-'Jne, I've hit it; useful a
we'll as ornamental"
u "Waal, whea the day sot for til
y marriage cum on, | had the rheum;
Is ticks and couldn't go. But I'd got
81 big card printed with the biggest lie
~ ters in the printing office. Comp
s. ments of Col. Scion to the Bride
g along the top, and then | tied on Il
"a teeth in the middle Of the card, al
y just below I put this 'cr bit of sem
lr ment in big letters, which l WI
e. myself:
W Natur adhors a vacancy,
n But tbs our Joy still
IA To know that peoples toothless gums
A dentists art can fill.
:. ~ tho't twas very neat sen
ment and I repeated it over to N
- self.several times. WAL, yer see
= sent that card up, and the boy stu
~ it right up in the middle of the
" BILE, jest as the ceremony was bel
- performed, and yer could read th'
1A' letters clean across the room. !
=. minister saw 'em, and he jest ST.
,, ped for seckund, and then went on
if he weren't sartin of the words,
'nu somebody kinder snickered, and
Nc. bride locked around and she saw
w and-waal, they dew say, she br
- rite of, and tore that 'er card i
0', FIVE hundred pieces, and chucked
a"' teeth out the back door, and CT
CO. :, burned nigh breaking up the v
,,', ding"
- "And that's why Joe's family
. :. mine don't hitch; though, So
- alive, he didn't git "a present
, :. day that 'ud have improved the
70 pearance of his household 30 N
.tor as them, air teeth"