The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-07-08
..nKiN.1GnKA.d.M

-Coioired fioiyiiyslisls sing: "a am.
going to Dinall Moore" That is their
idea Of Heaven. :
! ;--An Iowa county official walked
nve miles to have some one explain to
him what the Goth prox." meant.
WHEN Mr.. Evarts begins to write,
the Spaniartis will wish they had not
amused themselves by.. shooting at the
American flag. 49,.
| George: Yes, hanging is a capital
punishment, especially when vou'ro
hanging on some 9oQd looking girls
arm. ~. -, ,'.,fe,I~..
An l linois girls toast: "Thc
young men of America--. their arms
our supporters, our arms their reward;
fall in men, fall in."
Emma: The only roint ofrcscm-
blance between flowers and women,
that we are aware of, is that they both
shut up when they sleep.
-The Arab horse is not broken until
his fourth year. That's why they dif.
for from tcacups. But then Arab
horses are moi washed by the average
kitchen girl.
-,"Ain't that n lovely crittcr, John?"
sa'd Jer4slla as they stopped opposite
leopard's cage. "Waal. yes" said
John; "Dut then he's dret(ully trccklcd,
! amt heW
1t is believed that CATS can be made
tender hearted by playing soft, sad
music to them, but how. much easier it
IS to hire boy to chuck 'cm Off the
bridge.
-" lie went to glory by the light
ming train" says the 2cr.1ioriul En-
fcFPlfSc, in relating the case Of q Nan-
aimo, British Columbia miner, who
sat down Oh Il kcy Of powder TO enjoy
Il smoke.
,,-Brcaking an awkward silence.
Mrs. Montague Smart (suddenly, TO
bashlul youth, who has not opened his
lips since he was introduced to her u
quarter Of an hour ago)-"And now
let us talk about something else"
-Physician to government clerk
",,Well, what do you complain OF"
&. C.---"SlccplcssncSs, doctor" Phy-
Slclan--"At what time do YOU 90 to
bcd?' C. C.--"Oh, don't mean at
night, but during Office hoursn'
"A lady subscriber writes poem
Tor ~ paper which for private reasons
II must decline. Shc SAYS: s"Thc sun
shine Is stealing my youth and beauty
away" Why don't you begin an ac-
ton tor petty larceny, you goose, you.
-" Why don't YOU come in out OF
the rain?' said a good natured domi-
ME to ragged irisllman. "Sure it's
aV no consequence, Yer rivcrcncc," re-
turned Pat, "lnc clothes is so full of
holes that they wont hold water"
,-.Waitcr-"Do!o YOU wish to DC call
ca IN the morning, sir?" Gucst-"Ycs,
Sir" Wniter-"When will you be call
ed. slr!' Gucst-"That depends upon
now feel in the morning. am very
tired now. III ring when 1 shall dc
sire to be called"
-John Bull says Gifts hall right
hcNcept the haichcs," and this point
nc immediately settles by calling 'cm
"Ancock and H'english." AS for AN
cock hos heard Of him as an arch-rebcl
who threw some tea overheard and
icd oil i'll the rebellion against King
George; but: ''who the blawstcd 'el is
this t.llow III english, of IIingiana?
~ must beM lili'iShman, as all tho
Ifcnglishcs are Hirish." 49,.
--"My daughter, never tell anyone
our private affairs" said mother in
sending her ,nWuGhler away upon her
first i0Grhcv.. "Monsicnr, q tllird-rlass
ticket if YOU please" said the dauyhtcr !.
at the ticket office. "For whrrcw' !
asked the employt. els that any OF
your businessY" answered madcmoi-
$clln' Indignantly, remembering her
mothers advice.
"A Southern paper quotes gentle
manor the cOlorcd persuasion az say
ing: "No. parson, [ problvu never
git courage to jino de chnrch. When
a poor dar';cy's spiritual wiser takes
him down in Gle ribbcr and SAYS. I
cApsizr,' and then ducks him under.
IFS lime dat tlarkcy looks after hissef.
fou don't play none OBJ dem games on
me, old man"