The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1880-10-28

| THE VENERABLE DEMOCRAT NARRATEs, VERY
BRIEFLY, HOW THE FIENDs, JOE B1GLEF
AND POLLOCK (FRoM ILLINOIS, BROKE UP 4
DEMOCRATIC PROCESSION.
CoNFEDRIT x ROADS,
(Which is in the State Nv kentucky
Oct. 10, 1880.
1t wuz determined for effect upon the Inje
any eleckshun to hev parade Nv the Hancock
forces in the Corners, with banners anG
torches.
We he'd a gorgeous procession arranged. i
wuz headid by wagon containin ez many
wimmin ez ther wuz States that secedid, witt
! the Confedrit flag wavin over EN-. Melindy
Pogrm wuz holdin the Confedrit flag, dressed
in mournin, typifyin the present condishun w
the South, while Hammer M'Pelter wuz drest
in white, in the act Nv lickin niger, shown
wat we hope will happen when Hancock is
elected and we get complete control Nv the
Government.
Follerin' this allegorical representative
come the citizens ov the Corners, two by two
headid by me, BARN borches, with the Confed-
,it flag wavin' over us in triumph.
The perceshun formed in front Nv Of Bas-
CONS and it wuz perty site to see, Capt
MPelter wuz on Brscums mule actin as Mar
shal the wagon with the wlmmin wus in
line, and everything wuz reddy tor start.
EZ 1t took two hours to get the perceshun
organized. the Dimocrisy wuz dry, and per-
misn WIZ askt to break ranks to go in end get
one sustaner afore it moved. l refoozed firm
ly, for eff the perceshn he'd ever got into Bas-
CONS it wood hev took another hour to get
EN- into line agin, and Bascom settled it by re-
markin that no one need go in onless he Good
show the money for his drink jist afore he got
hold Nv the bottle.
| give the word and sadly the perceshn
moved up the street, to the inspirin notes NV
Dixie" and the Bonnie Bloc Flag, played by
a fife and two drums
We neered Pollock's store, and wuz jist on
the pint Nv gvin him three groans, when Joe
Bigler appeared. He darted up to Issaker
Gavitt, and whispered in his ear that ther wuz
bari Nv moo whisky in the store on tap, and
that Pollock wood give the Dimocrisy credit
for likker for jist 30 minits.
The effect wuz magikle. Issaker dropt his
torch jist wher he stood and rushed into the
store.
The fend Bigler he'd whispered it loud enutf
so that two or three heerd it, and it passed
down the line like telegraffin. In less than
second Their wuZnt soul in the perceshn but
me and the wagon, and what Good I do?
Icoodent make perceshn all alone, with
one wagon full Nv wimmin, and follered the
last one into the store with perhaps more alac
rity than dignity.
Their aouz a barl there, and Bascom and Joe
Bigler wuz drorin out the preshus flood in
tin clippers, and dispensin Nv it freely.
1t is needlis to say that that perceshen new
er marched agin. 1t wuz bustid. l coodent
possibly git the men into line agin.
And then 70 add to the fiendishnis Nv these
two conspiratofs, lee Bigler hired niger on
a mule to go in front Nv the 6ogt Go6 XIch wuz
a DRAWN the wagon, with peck ~ ass'
which the bosses smelt, and the niger rode
off down by street holdin out the basket,
and the bosses became uncomfortable and
started after them oats. The cusid niger
licked his mule into gallop, the eager boss
es broke in run, the niger turned a corner
sudden, the horses, forgettin the preshus load
they Wuz DRAWN, turned the corner sudden,
also, went the wagon, and that end Nv the
perceshun wuz dumped into ditch
Betwixt the free likker and the peck Nv
eats the finest perceshun ever organized in
the Corners come to greet: And wat made it
wuss, half the voters we wuz goin to send to
Injeany got so full that they coodent be carted
over to Secessonville in time to take the train
for Louisville, and there is jist that number
Nv votes lost to the Dimocrisy Nv Injeany
A part ov EN- got off, however, and we hev
probably sent enuff to carry the State,
BIZ English don't send any money into Ken
lucky, Bascom is goin to start branch gro
cry at some pint In Southern Injeany, till after
the November eleckshun. He is an enterprisin
man, Bascom, and he sez eff English's money
won't come to him he will go to English's
money. He is bound to hev his divvy, some
way. PETROLEUM V NAsvY,
P. NJ. that wuz and is to beg