The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-02-19

PASSING SMILES.
4 sTUCK-UP thing-a show-bill.

| a STUCK-UP th1ng-a shOw-bill.
SPRING-HALT-May 31-midnight.
SPARE-RIBs-the sealed wives of
| Utah. n, . .-a
I CLOVES cover a multitude of sinful
breaths.
To make suberb soup use the proper
soup herbs.
Old ocean indulges in storms merely
| for wreck-creation.
In the agricultural papers we have
many fertile lies sirs.
LET'S see; it isn't quite time for the
| first divorce in the Oneida Community.
WHEN man owes you, be polite, and
! as often as possible send him his little
| billy due.
CHILDREN and brass bands, in their
extreme youth, don't amount to much
| without tutor.
Now lame me" as the pedestrian
remarked when he stumbled on a bit of
ice.
in diamonds, solitaires are fashion
able, but when it comes to buckwheat
cakes let us have clusters
BY all means let us have free salt.
Some lazy people might "earn their
Soht IL ~ was a l1GtAC CACdPCls
THE toe of an enemy's boot will often
do more to raise man into prominence
than the hands of dozen good friends.
"THE, men of to-day are too high
strung" says Chicago paper. Some of
them are not strung high enough.
The brook, You know, flows on for
ever. Sometimes it seems as if law
suit was trying to see the brook and go
it one better. ,-ao
TIE lisping Christian thus defended
her pronunciation: "Dothn't our
minither direct our thepth in the mar
row path? 1thn't he, then, our patherp
No matter how finely a. dentists par
lor is furnished no one cares to take a
seat in his drawing room. This is good
joke, but it is tooth in to draw.
WE have had one offer, but the lady
couldn't promise to support us in the
luxury to which we have been accus-
| tomed.-Boston Post.
A COMMERCIAL report says: The
| fall of leather causes an uneasy feeling
in hides" We have often remarked
this in youth while laying across the
maternal knee.
A MINISTER who regards kissing as
an essential part OF saving grace, should
kiss his lawfully appointed wife, and
tell her to pass it arouLd among the
congregation.
| WHEN a man becomes the father of
sixteen year old daughter, he commences
| he period of his life when the toes of his
boots wear out before the heels become
italicized. ~
The beauty of Sunday collections on
the envelope plan is that you can knock
the plate out of the collectors hard as
easy with copper cent as you can with
silver half dollar. .ss.fs. zas..
Did you ever know such me
| chanical genius as my SOM" asked an
| old lady. He has made fiddle out of
his own head, and he has wood enough
| for another"
INDIGNANT wife" If ] had known
you were coming home in this condi-
| ZION, / should have gone home to my
fathers" Inebriated husband" Hic-
would you? Pm awf sorry didn't shend
you word-hic." @ l
"DEAR Louise. don't let the men
come too near you, when courtiDg."
Oh, no, dear ma. When Charles is
here we always have one chair between
u.s." Mother thinks the answer is
rather ambiguous.
ALGERIA" say the Koran, is the
metaphysics OF arithmetic" When we
used to miss on it we never gave it any
such high-sounding title. We simply
said it was tougher than twelve cent
steak, and let it 60 at that.
AN Albany woman bring suit against
a telephone. company. for trespass in
putting its wires on the roof of her
building. It isn't the trespass, however
that troubled her so, much as the fact
that there is gossip going on over her
head that she cannot get hold of.
| THE cheerful fire brightly burns,
| The gas bill keeps aocruing
The maiden fair new lessons learn,
| The ardent youth ne'er homeward turns,
| And onward speeds the wooing.
| The fickering fire feehly burns,
| The time has passed TOR wooing;
| The faded wife new lessons learn,
| The husband seldom homeward turns,
| And onward speeds the ruling.
| r> ! -Hackensack Repub'ican.