The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-06-19

caue--"that she deserved to be a duoh-
css l dill not say l would make her
ono" 1.-The Duke should have said
'could,' not would" remarked tho
Baroness, dryly, when the queer story
was repeated to her.
tns"snn e %" 'nG tra par" for said utGs s judge
thero anything you wish TO say before
sentonce Is passed upon your" Judge, )
replied the prisoner solemnly," "judge
there has been altogether to much said
| already. 1 know all along some body
would get hurt # these people didn't
keep their mouths shut. 1t might as
we'll be me, perhaps, as anybody else.
Drive on judge, and give us as little
sentiment as you can got along on. l
can stand hanging, but hate gush !"
THE Joyous and punctual tramp has
made his appearance. Like the shy
early violet he peeps moIestly forth on
broadway, and hangs like the wood
bine on the sunny piazza. lie laughs
Il sweet, serene laugh at the sign which
says "Beware of the dog" and he eats
his cold chicken IN peace Of mind be-
side tho still waters, and under any
mans vine and fig tree that is most
convenient.
''STATISTICs prove that Il man who Is
knocked about In the world lives long
cr than ono whose life Is oue.- of ease
and comfort." There arc exceptions
OF course. For instance, We read of
women who died suddenly the
other day after being knocked
about. They were knocked about fifty
feet high by Il nitro-glycerlno cxploS-
lon.
"I Es," said II witness, 81 remember
the dcicndant's mother crying on the
occasion rcferrcu to. She was weep
ing with her left eyc--thc only one she
bns-and the tears were running down
her right cheek" "What," exclaimed
the Judge, chow could that kc?"
"l'Icase your honor" said the witness,
"shc was awfully cross-cyed."
YOU must admit, doctor, said Il witty
lady to celebrated doctor OF divinity,
with whom she was arguing the ques-
tion of tho "CquAllty Of the sexes. p
"you must admit that woman was
created bef re man!'' "Wcll, really.
nladam," said the astonishcd divine,
81 must ask you to provo your cuse.''
That can DO easily done, sir. Wasn't
Eve the first maidr 20
"WHFN | once was in danger from a
tiger" said an old East Indian veter II,
VI tried sitting down and staring at
him, as had no weapon" "lIow did
It work." asked II bystandcr. "per-
fcctly; the tiger didn't even offer to
How do you account for it?'' sWell,
sometimes l'vo thought that it was be-
cause sat down on high branch OF Il
tall tree"
"A LITTLE fellow OF five going along
the street with a dinner pail Is stopped
by kind-hearted gentleman. who
says: ''Whero arc you going, my lit
tie man ?' ''To school," And what do
you do at school? Do you learn to
road ?" "No." "To write ?" "To
oount?' "No.' "What do you do ?"
81 wait for school to let out.'
WHEN two dentists are partners they
rarely quarrel; they pull together
Er. They do, ch ? Then we shall never
go to two dontists who are partners to
have molar extracted. One dentist
at time pulling at Il fellows tooth Is
enough.
PRonABLY it Is not generally known
that man would not grumblc about
putting down carpets ifthe wifo would
run over to see his mother, and let her
husband and pretty servant girl at
home to do the work.
a CoNsCIENCEIEssb bride remained at
Niagara until her husbands fortune
WAS absorbed by a hnckman, and then
ran of with the latter. The deserted
husband has hired q hack, anu hopes
In few weeks to induce her to return. .
a SUNDAY school scholar was re-
questcd to learn Matthew XIV, 1914
when he astounded the teacher by
jumping up with the exclamation 4:
''Can't be done; taint in the blocks :"
---@-
a Gross Baby.
Nothing Is so conducive to mans
remaining bachelor as stopping for
one night ut the house of u married
friend and being kept awake for five or
ak hours by the cry ing OF cross baby. Z.
All cross and crying babies need only
Hop Bittcrs to make them well and
smiling. Young man, remember this.
-Irare|ler.
THE market Is flooded with worthless
and vile compounds for the rcjuvina-
ton Of the hair, but Carbolinc, the
great petroleum hair lcncwcr and drcs-
sing, rs now improved anu perfected, :,
still takes the front rank rs the best
preparation ever offered to the public.
plMrLEs AND lIuMORS on TIE FACE.
In this condition OF the skin, the
EGErINE Is the great remedy, as it tacts
directly upon tho cause. 1t clcanses and
purifics the blood, thereby causing hn-
mors OF all kinds TO Ill l'appear.
REMOVE ALL cause Of irritability and
| discomfort from the baby, by using DR..
Bnll's Baby Syrup, the surcSt, best and
hence cheapest remedy in the world
for the diseases of babyhood. Price 20