The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-12-15
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Old maids dit
ubich the sparks have tied.
..Go away, you naughty boy" SAID the
oook 70 Young CASTOR, who was trying to
hiss her, 'syour father is jealous"
J., bar room dispute il appears TO be ne
for one to make a Backyard OF
Sin,spIf to prove that he is a gentleman.
Donie Flynn. an ex-policeman Of Buffalo,
;s anxiously sought for but cannot be found.
no,,is evidently thinks ne is still en- the force.
M Hottentot is permitted to marry more
than eight sisters out Of one family. This is
ri7bt. Somebody else might want a chance.
4 Philadelphia man has perfected a plan
for h,incing coal out of the celler without
ovortiro any OF his muscle. He makes his
wife cart itup.
The defeated candidate is like the old
bachelor, who said be once fell in love with
9 beautiful young lady, but abandoned all
idea of marrying her when be found that she
and all her folks were opposed to the match.
"a kiss said young Charles, ISIS a noun,
we allow, but tell me, my dear, is it proper
or common? p Lovely Mary blushed deep
and exclaimed, why, I VOW, | think q kiss
is both proper and common"
A Philadelphia man has perfected an in
ven,ion whereby sour kraut can be boiled in
the house without any Of the inmates smell
ETbo" invention ron Ictc nf a email
liyerlike pad worn under the nose.
A darkey who was stopping to wash his
hands in q creek, didn't notice the peculiar
actions of a goat just behind SO, when he
scrambled out Of the water and was asked
how it happened he answered Il dunno
'xactlv, but pears as If de shore kinder hist
ed and froWd me-"
4 South End woman hunted two hours for
8 needle she had dropped on the floor, and
in, and had hardly taken his boots off before
he could tell where it was. Queer how men
can do things that women can't.
One of the prettiest compliments ever re-
ported was paid recently to the owner Of a
pair Of bright eyes who lives on Prairie
avenue. She took a child upon her lap, and
after gazing intently into her face for a few
moments, the little one asked, naively: Are
your eyes new
A Danbury man has q Boston lady visiting
Sunday evening, on coming out Of
with her, be extended his arm, and,
with q delicate Difference to the prejudices
said: "Will you accept nay upper limb p
With q grateful look from her CLASSY eyes
she. accepted.
A candidate, who became very affectionate
with colored voters during election, told an
Influential darkey in an outburst Of election
excitement: Il would rather ten times over
take the hand of an honest colored man than
that of 8 white ~loafer." sDat's where We
jodge. I'll take de hand Of de white
fust cherry time. shake!" And they
shook.
When q young man at o West End board
ing house found the girl he adored WAS Airt.
ing with another man he didn't try to make
believe the other false. Tie hired the
waiter to bawl out in the kitchen, loud enough
o be heard in the dining room: "Second
plate O. pork, an another helping O onions,
an some more pertaters, an q fresh plate O
bread for Miss Blank" And the other fellow
Of course, heard it and dropped her.
What an invaluable gift il is to be:able to
the right thing in +tAe right way atsthe
time. A man who was instructed to
inform a lady that her husband had been
by q railroad accident, and was eau
toned to break the news gently, is credited
with writing the following letter "Dear
Madam Il write to say that your husband
is unavoidably detained. An undertaken will
call on you tomorrow with full particulars.
The funeral sermon has been arranged for"
He stood twirling his hat in his hand in the
hallway. IL was about time for the morn
fng-stars to begin their songs together.
10 Well" and he moved q step nearer the
1oor. "Well," she replied, as she stepped to
the door also. swell. II must be going.
That's right, John, it, and she
leaned her head on his shoulder. ssIf-you
He was measured for a new
lat and a pair Of kid gloves on that same day
----4aHs ! saRD>p, Gsm--
An Incident Inn BARLEY Casnpbell's Life.
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