Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-10-01
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A patriotic Leadville man was seen en-
tering an uptown saloon the other day,
and emerging ten minutes later, shouted :;
ssHurrah for Winfield Scott Hancock
He strobe off down the street and turning
the first corner he yelled, ''Rah for Win
Scott Field Hancock" y A half block furth-
er on he was heard to say, "Rahfr (hlc)
Hanwin Scotch Field cock!" He dropped
in and took a second quaff of the the es-
sence of Bacchus, and remarked to the
bartender, tsIzarahf'r (his) Fieldwin Han
(hicl Scottcosh!'' When last seen he was
trying to explain, to Black Hills grocer,
the fact that our next presidents name
was Fielgehan Skosh Ginsott, and not
Hansosh Fielgen Scock as was sometimes
erroneouslY stated. +
ssWhat are your politics?" the chaplain
Of the Iowa penitentiary asked of an in
telligent looking convict. II have not
come out for anybody YETI replied the
convict gazing placidly through the bars,
"but If could get out would come out
for Garfield for President and DeGolyer
for Vice.
A lawyer entering the Office of his family
physician said in hoarse whisper: SDoc-
tor I've got such alcold this morning that
can't speak the TRUTH 'l'm glad II.
isn't anything that will interfere with.
your business, e responded the doctor in a
tone of sympathy.
Our Southern negroes don't know what
to think of the recent cyclones and hurri-
canes, and an old ,darkey remarked the
other day: 'sEf desc we're winds can't be
turned down little, what's de use OF
buying mules an 'cumulatin' family"
DIR. Tanner is for Garfield, the Cincin-f
natl Commercial" says. How can that
he? DR.. Tanner doesn t believe in feeding
while Garfield does believe in being fed
There's an incongruity somewhere.
"You promised to pay this bill yester-
day,u said an angry creditor to debtor.
.ssYes,'' calmly replied the other, ''but to
err is human, to forget divine, and 1 for
got it,
J.
The waves of a woman 8 handkerchief
hayewrecked many man, and the waves
i. of a woman's hand without the kerchief
have wrecked many small boy.
A smart American girl calls young fell
low of her acquaintance ''.Honeysuckle, y
because he's always hanging over the front
foroo in tho ovnnino ~
Josh Billings says thar IL advice enu1f
now laying around loose to run just three
such worlds as this; what we are suffering
for liz sum good examples.
ssIsn't your husband a little bald?'' asked
one lady of another, in store recently
'tThere ism It bald hair in his head" was
the hasty reply of the wife.
The men who always say Kind word
for their neighbors and turn deaf ear TO
scandal, are not only very blessed, but
very scarce. <4af'sJ
It is claimed by some medical men that
smoking weakens the eyesight. Maybe it
does, but just see how it strengthens the
breath. x.,r -s3 sp
The other day man died SO suddenly
that the body was almost cold before the
distracted and grief-strickeh relatives
found the will.
ssMy boy, what does your mother do for
a liying?'' was asked of little barefooted
urchin.g ssShe eats cold victuals, SIR"
The ladies give as reason for marrying
for money, that they now seldom find any
thing else in man worth having.
A dog which won't run from an ele-
phant will break his back to get away
from an oyster can.
ssHonesty is the best policy" but too
many people clain that they cannot afford
the best of anything.
sslf Christian be a shoeblack,' says
Newton, che should be the best in the
parish
.sLook out for the locomotive" is paint.
ed in large letters SO that he who reads
may run. a..E rs. 4s31 laa 1
ga Fireman., wants to know how to
keep the hose from bursting? Don't wear
7em. 800 .as.,., zf.f,.5 ne 5n-s
'F" sloSf5ss u y
Does person become stone blind who is
petrified with establishment?
Could not the doctors fee be justly call
ed i'll: gotten gains2 ~-.--
4r-..-rs4 81 yy.f}9 u .fJ4Easl1 y "
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