Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-12-30
FUN AT A FoNERlL.
witty Speech Of Democrat at q Republican
Jubilee.

At the Republican jollification in
Clarinda, Iowa, Mr.. l.. b. Coke, a
young Democrat of Page county,
was observed In the audience, and
being dragged out, delivered him.
self As follows:
FELLOW CITIZENs:-A man usu-
ally attends his own funeral. but it
10 not expected that he should talk
= great deal. l knew the funeral
ceremonies would go on without
me, 90 I concluded would bring
In the body. Laughter. But 1t
takes . great deal of grace to sus-
tain man who helps furnish ths
corpse for an occasion like this.
[Laughter.1 Nobody but u Demo-
0rat has had q chance to try it for
the last twenty years. Disapp0int-
ment is the modern Democratic
birthrlght, and mourning his nor
NAL condition; they took out a pa
tent on disaster twenty years ago
and 1t has never been infringed.
The patent run out in 1876. and
they have just got it renewed.
Loud applause. Looking over
Jhe landscape of the last twenty
years 1 behold acres and acres Of
busted hopes, cords and cords of
disgruntled ambitions, barrels and
barrels of unavailing tears, oceans
and oceans strewn with the wreck
Of phantom ships once burdened
with Democratic delusion. Disap-
pOintment Is an anchor to the
Democratic soul. both sure and
stsadfast. lContinued applause.
Leaves have one time to fall
And flowers to wither at the north winds
breath,
And stars to set; but all, o, Democrat!
Thou hast all times for thine own death.
/ might say with Shylock, suffer-
Ance, yea, sufer-ance is the badge
Of our tribe. 1 could give you 329
reasons for that. A lawyer. offered
Judge sixteen reasons why his
client was not in court: First,
he was dead. The Judge told him
he might omit the other fifteen.
The first reason of my 329 is we
lacked the voters. Laughter.
You will allow me to omit the other
as. But I could give you 329
reAs0us. Yes, Morey letter. John
Kelly did it with his little racket.
Wade Aampton's mule broke his
leg instead OF his neck, and Ben
Hill wasn't born a mute. English
had forecIosed his mortgages and
We couldn't redeem. Then
'Tis the South that can supply
Solid comforts when we die.
Loud laughter.1 In some States
the Greenback party fell through q
crack in their platform and Grip
pied US. But Democracy still
lives. It's like the mule, il never
dies. But, unfortunately. like the
mule, while 1t lives it is forever
throwing its riders. [Applanse.1 1t
bucked Greedy off and kicked him
IN 1879. Tilden stuck on till he pass
ed under the wire, but there was
20 much daylight between him
and this Democratic quadruped the
judges counted him of, although
ne had his feet In the stirrups.
This year we got q splendid send
OF and might have won, but the
donkey was stricken down in In-
diana with (g) Landers. We close
this chapter OF history with the
hope that the story will not be con-
sinued In our next. We accept
defeat the more cheerfully because
Of the magnanimous manner with
which you take the victory. We
tske 1t every four years. 1t is q
Stauding prescription. 1t might
we'll be called the .quadrennial
ipecac. 1t works up before cleo
tlOn and works down as the re-.
turns come In. We thank you for
the unanimous way in which you
have turned out 10 our funeral.
Weoon sratulate you on the mag
niijnent and imposing grandeur ef
the obsequies. Loud and con-
iinuec applause.