The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-02-06

No KISSING by telephone for us. We
perfcr to take the electricity direct from
the battery. IphitchaH Times.
"HEAvEN lies about us in orr infan-
cy," says the poet. Yes, and our neigh
bors lie about us when we grow up.
TIE proper form for will nowadays
will read: $40 the respective attorneys
of my children | give my entire estate. 1"
lr is easy enough to find plenty of men
who think the world owes them a living,
but hard to find chap who is willing to
own up that he has collected the debt in
full.
SYDNEY SMITH used to say that the
common practice Of the clergy in his day
was to cndeavor to draw sin out of men
rs Eve was drawn from Adams side, by
casting them into deep sleep.
A MOTHER, noticing her little daughter
wipe her mouth on her dress sleeve,
asked her what her handkerchief was
for. Said she, "To shake ut the ladies
in the street. That is what papa does
with his"
FATHER (who is always trying to teach
his son how to act while Mt table,
finished eating j always leave the table. 4"
john" Yes, sir, and that is about all
you do leave"
The congregation sang, eve are
going home to die no more" in West
field Mass church, and an irrevcrent
fellow, leaning over to n dyed deacon,
said III loud tone: "Then you'll be
gray in a week"
A GENTLEMAN accidentally steps on a
poodle led by an elegant woman. "Stu-
pid! \ little more and you would have
crushed Filo." All if | had crushed
him / would have replaced him." "You
tlatter yourself"
Two Lovers. Enamoured bOokkeeper
ooh, You know, I'm not like IN or
binary clerk. | talk to the members of
the firm just as | do to YOU" She
ooh, good gracious! George, You don't
really, do you?"
4 CORRESPONDENT in the county asks
if somebody will tell him how best to
start flock of sheep. We have done
very little in that line, hut will suggest
that letting down the bars generally has
the desired effect.
TIE Shah of Persia intends undertake
ing pilgrimage to Meshed this spring,
accompanied by 10, 600 troops. His sew
cral hundred wives promised to write
him every day during his absence. -
NO,TiStOWR ICraM.
TIE Laplander eats only tallow cam
die when he wants light breakfast. -
Boston Post II is wicked to make such
cereous kes.-BMpato courier. These
are degrcnsa of levity we can't tallow.-
! Cincinnati COUmCrcidt.
WHEN, upon inquiry after young
lady's health, We learn from her own lips
that she is "nir2ly," We know that she
was horn in our beloved New England,
and that she would be "purty well" out
west, and "tolable" in the south.
The summer days have come and gone,
Octobcr's hucs have left the hill;
No more, nj peep Of roe! dawn,
The hunters horn sounds clear and shrn
But shl. when evening comes with gloom,
Or cOldly braMs the winter morn,
He seeks his fayoritc sample room,
And winds his small but mellow horn.
A MAN, passing through gateway in
the dark, ran against II post. 81 wish
that post was in the lower regions..' was
his angry remark. "Better wish it was
somewhere clse,' said n bystander.
"You might run against it again, YOU
know"
! AN exchange says: dressing brides
maids in costumes suggesting the four
seasons is an English freak" 1t ought
! to remain English. On this side of the
water pepper and salt, vinegar and mus
tard girls are out of place Mt weddings
". u. Picayune.
AN Albany woman brings suit against
IL telephone company for trespass in put
tings It's wire on the roof of her building
1t isn't the trespass, however, that
troubles her 80 much rs the fact that
there is gossip going on over her head
that she cannot get hold of.-BOsfOn
Post.
SwEETLY sings nineteenth century
poet, "What will heal my bleeding
hearth" Lint, man, lint; put ON plenty
of lint. Or, hold cold door key to the
back of your neck, press small roll of
paper under the end of your lip and hold
mp your left arm. This last remedy is to
be used only i'll case your heart blecds ut
the nose. -BurIingt0n Uawkeyc.
"GoING to leave, Mary?" eyes, mum;
/ find / am very discontinued" "If
there is anything can do to make you
comfortable, let me know" "No, mum,
it's impossible. You can't alter Your
tigger to my figSer, no morn ] can. Your
dresses won't tit me, and can't appear
on Sundays as ] used Mt my last place,
where missls' clothes fitted 'xactly."
ANOTHER reverend gentleman of this
city, known alike for his wit and clo-
quencc, abiding casually to the fact that
brother of Bishop Potter had been
Bishop of Pennsylvania, and that the
bright and genial rector of Grace
Church, DR.. Henry G. Potter, had just
narrowly escaped election to the see of
New Jersey, remarked, at would seem
that the American episcopate is really
the Potter's Field. "-Narpcr'S Nigga
zine.
A MEMBER of debating club down in
the country was soaring in the flights of
spread-cagle eloquence. He flew his
kite over republics and their institutions,
aud then began to mention dukes, en-
perors, kings and queens. AS he came
down to queens, some lnregenerate
heather parenthetically adding, "and
ten spots" broke the orator oil to pieces,
paralyzed the society, and the ayes had
it on resolution to adjourn.
Ina Connecticut district school, few
days since, little boy six years old
was seen to whisper, but denied doing SO
when reprovcd by the teacher. He was
told to remain after school, when the
teacher, trying to impress upon his
youthful mind tho sinfulncss of not
speaking the truth, asked him if they did
not tell him in Sunday school where bad
BOYS went who told falsehoods. Choking
with sobs, he said: eyes, marin; it's IA
place where there is fire, but L don't
remember the name of the town"
A BuRaLAR-ALARM is not only capital
thing for waking whole families up I'm.
expectedly in the dead of the night, but
it has also been known to net as moral
agent. A well-known banker, whose son
was at home from Harvard for the holi-
DAYS, came down the other morning i'll
great perturbation Of mind, and ordered
the butler to send man ut once to al
Just the burglar-alarm, "for," said he,
"it didn't work last night, when Charles
came in late." "Oh! il you please, sir, "
said the gentle housemaid, standing by,
"Master Charles came in this morning
as was sweeping the steps. INC
Hour.