Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1880-12-09
NIOOdemus Dodge.

Nv has the OOSs!
Il am the boss" said the editor, follow
ing this curious bit OF architecture wonder
ingly along up to Its clock face with his
eye.
Don't want anybody fur to learn the
business, tain't likely9'
"Well, don't known. Would you like
10 learn it2
"Pap's 80 po' he can't run me mo-, so |
want 10 git a show som'ers il can: 'tan't
no difference what-I'm strong and hearty,
and don't turn my back on no kind OF
work, hard nur soft.
''no you think you would like to learn
the printing business2"
"Well, don't rely k'yer durn what |
do learn, SOS git chance TO make my
way, I'd jist as soon learn print'n's any
thing"
Can you read?''
.'Yes-middlin'.
"Writel"
"Well' I've seed people who could lay
over me thar"
Cipher"
mot good enough to keep store, don't
reckon but as fur as twelve times twelve |
ain't no slOuch. 'Tother side of that is what
gifts me-"
"Where is your home"'
I'm from old Shelby"
whats your fathers religious denomi-
natlon?"
"lliml Oh, he's blacksmith. "
"NO, no-I don't mean his trade What's
his religious denOminatIon?'
"Oh-I didn't understand you befo'
hes a Freemason.
mo, no-you don't get my meaning yet.
What mean 10, does he belong TO any
church,"
Now you're talkin'. Couldn't make out
what you was trying TO git through yo head
no way. B'long TO church, Why, boss,
he's been the pizenest kind Of u Freewill
Baptis' for forty years. They aint no pize
ner ones'n he is. Mighty good man pap is.
Everybody says that. If they say any
different they wouldn't do it where | wuz
not much they wouldn't"
What Is your own religionl'
"Well, bCss, you've kind O. got me thar
and yet you hain't got me so mighty
much nuther. | think t if feller he 'pS
another when he's in trubble, and don't
cuss, and don't do any mean things, nor
nuthln' he amt no business TO do, and don't
spell the Saviour's name with little &, he
amt runnin' no res'S-hes about as saift as
if he belonged to church"
"But suppose he did spell it with little
g-what then?"
"Well, if he done it a purpose ! reckon
he wouldn't stand no chance; he ought mt
have no chance, any way, I'm most rotten
certain about that"
what is your name?'
"Nicodemus Dodge"
81 think maybe you'll do, NicodemuS.
Wen give you a trial, anyway"
'All right"
"When would you like to beginl''
Now
So, within ten minutes after he had first
glimpsed this nondescript, he was one of us,
and with his coat off and hard at it,
Beyond that end of our establishment
which was furtherest from the street, was
deserted garden, pathless, and thickly
grown with the gloomy and villaInous
'jimpson" weed and its common friend
the stately sunhower. In the midst of this
mOurnful spot was decayed and little
frame house, with but one room, one win
dow and no ceiling. 1t had been a smoke
house q generation before. Ncodemus
was given this lonely and ghostly den as
bed-chamber.
The village smarties recognized o trea-
sure in Nicodemus right away-a butt to
play jokes on. 1t was easy to see that he
was lnconceIvably green and confding.
George Jones had the glory of perpetra-
a.. tI Aret olyo 10 h,,,,
cigar with a fre-cracker IN it, and then
winked to the crowd to come; the thing ex-
ploded presently and swept away the bulk
of Nicodemus' eyebrow and eyelashes. He
simply said:
Nm 81 consider them kind of seeg' yars dan
gersome," and seemed to suspect nothing.
The next evening Nlcodelnus waylaid
George and poured bucket of ice-water
over him.
One day, while Nicodemus was in swim
ming, Tom McElroy tiled" his clothes.
Nicodenus made bonfire of TOMS by way
of retaliation.
A third joke was played upon NIcodemus
q day or two later-he walked up the mid
die aisle of the village church, Sunday
night, with startling hand bill pinned
upon his shoulders. The joker spent the
rest of the night, after church, in the cellar
of deserted house, and Nicodemus sat on
the cellar-door till toward breakfast time, to
make sure that the prisoner remembered
that If any noise was made some rough
treatment would be the consequence. The
cellar had two feet of stag nant water in it,
and was bOttomed with six inches OF soft
mud.
But wander from the point. 1t was the
Mlbject of skeletons that brought this boy
back to my recollection. Before long
time had elapsed the village smarties began
to feel an uncomfortable consciousness of
not having made very shining success of
their attempts on the simpleton of cold
Shelby" Experiments grew scarce and
chary. Now the young doctor came to the
rescue There was delight and applause
when he proposed to them the plan of
frightening Nicodemus to death, and ex-
plaire how he was going to do it. He
had noble new skeleton-the skeleton of
the late and only local celebrity, Jimmy
Finh, the village drunkaTd-a grisly piece
of property he had bought of Jimmy Finn
himself, at auction, for fifty dollars, under
great competition, when Jimmy lay very
sick in the lanyard fortnight before his
death. The fifty dollars had gone prompt
ly for whiskey, and had considerably hur-
ried up the change of ownership in the
skeleton. The doctor would put Jimmy
Finns skeleton in Nicodemus' bed.
This was done-about half past ten in the
evening. About Nicodemus' usual bed