South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-02-13

WIZ AND TlUNIOR.
Shall hereafter darn your stock
ings:' is said q be tho fashionable Ian
guage for young lady 10 use when ma
king eapyear proposal.
He was venerable and agricultural
looking man, attired III the latest New
Jersey fashion, and he stood on a street
corner near Washington Market. Hold.
ing DIP his LETT hand and gazing refiec
lively upon three pieces of string tied
around an equal number OF fingers, he
solil.quized: That's to remind me
get spool Of cotton; rother means
don't forget the calico. But what in
thunsers this one for? All, by gum
that's don't get druk agaia."
SMART TRAvELER.--Shortly after
the collapse of the Confedcracy an ex.
soldier who had spent all his paw in riot.
ing or whisky d linking found himself in
Shreveport strapped and busted, and vet
full OF expediepts. Desirous of reaching
his home, he inquired the fare, and to
his dismay found it to be SIS. Now.
that amount wa, as big as 81 100. 600 in
Billy's sight. After casting about, he
bethought himself of a scheme. The
Eseamer National was nearly ready to
leave her berth, when Billy made his Az.
pearance on the wharf and sang out
Il say, captain how much do YOU
charge TO take barrel of whisky to
New Orleans %
Two dollars" replied the captain.
IAN right" replied Billy. send out
couple of your deck hands and roll me
aboard -
Captain Hamilton saw the Joke. and
sent out the mud clerk to take the
marks, weight. &C., of the freight
Billy was invited TO seat at the cab.
III table by the captain, and Travelled to
New Orleans in style as a barrel Of
WHISKY by which name he was after.
wards known.
boy in st. Louis was recently pre-
scented with q jack. knife, with which,
boy like, he cut and marked everything
that came III his way, from the dining.
room table to The cats tail. a few days
after he had become the happy possessor
OF the knife. his father was startled by
seeing two men bringing home the young
hopeful IN very dilapidated condition
His face seemed to be cut and bruised
and covered with blood. His father, of
course, was very much alarmed, and H.
quired of the boy who had hit him -
Nothing didn't hit me-" the boy an
swered between his sobs sit was only
mule kicked me in the eye" "a mule
kicked you in the eye, eh ?" echoed the
father. Haven't told you IL thousand
times or more that mules and gun-pow.
der were not fit things for boys to fool
with ? What were you doing to the
mule y 81 wasn't foolin' with i'm at ALL"
said the boy 81 was only trying to cut
my name on his back"
Said one of socety's smart ornaments
to Lady friend: ''This is leap year, and
suppose you'll be asking some one 20
marry your" "Oh, ne" was the reply
my finances won't permit me to sup
port q husband"
He AcKNowLEDGED THE CoRN.-The
Sioux City Journal tells good story of
Correctonvillc farmer, who sold load
of corn at that town the other day
When it was weighed he slyly steppei on
the scales, and then drove off to unload
When the wagon was weighed he took
good care not to be in IT,. and congratu.
lated himself that he had played it on
the buyer in good shape. The grain
dealer called him in and after figuring
up the load paid him in full. As he
buttoned up his Goa to 90 out, the buy =
or kindly asked him to smoke with him,
AMI then !alked over the crops, and the
price OF hogs, and the likelihood of the
Maple Valley railroad building up that
way, I'LL the farmer fairly squirmed in
MS chair with uneasiness about his chores
ut home. AT lat he could stand it no
longer, and said he must go. The deal.
cr quietly said that was not to be thought
of; that he had bought the farmer at
full weight and paid him his own price.
and that he would insist ON doing as he
pleased with his own property. The
raiser Of corn saw that he had indeed
sold himself, in one sense at least lie
acknowledged the corn as it were-and
compromised the affair.
AS girls advance towards woman.
hood many of their notions undergo q
change. For instance, when small. they
believe in the man in the moon at ma
turer years they believe in the man in
the honey moon.
oh ! I'm just delighted with George.
said a soft. hearted maiden to an older
and more matter-of fact brother He's
just too sweet for anything. The last
time he was here lac was so full Of fun +;
didn't YOU think so, brother 2 He
may have been full Of fun, sister, but he
acted TO me as if he was full of beer
A tabeau aud sharp slam Of the parlor
door closed tic scene.