The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-01-24
VARIETY.

An he-goatist is one who makes butt OF him
self by continually talking of his own exploits.
The blue stockings Of Boston ought to see Ell
mira's statue to Adam, and 90 IL better by put
ting up one to Eve.
FoUK ACEs.-Political principles change, king
doms are OverthrOwn and religions alter, but four
aces hold an undisturbed pre-eminence in their
own peculiar way.
George EliOt's physicians told her she must
never again attempt literary work, and the BOs-
ton Post wants that doctor to come right to this
country and take charge Of Joaquin Miller.
Jay Gould's success in managing railroads is
explained by the fact that his father used to keep
u switch for his especial bene6t.-ChieGgO Tn
6uHe.
This is positively the last joke this subject. Ii
is serious business with them now, for alas !
they're married
An unknown man was killed by the cars at
Ssrutford the other day. The contents Of his
pockets, sixty cents and pair Of scissors, would
-DGn5ury Nelrs.
"What is ssatesmanship2'' asks the Chicago
Inter-Ocean. Statesmanship, we believe, is the
peculiar gift some men have of robbing the gov
ernment without being caught.-PhiIade LphiG
Chronicle.
Why an advance in lard should enhance the
price Of butter is about difficult problem as
the price Of milk and water famine.
Queen Victoria had a slight cold. The Gin
cinnati Enquifer advised her to soak her head
and the NOrristOwn Herald to soak her feet. Her
Majesty can always depend on getting good ad-
vice from this country.
Musr HAVE BEES.-An exchange, telling Of a
fire. says a man dumped from a window IN his
nioht-dress - What the mischief did he have
window in his night-dress for? IL must have
been an awful nuisance
There Is IN Russia, and on exhibition, what is
called a happy family. lt consists OF two bears,
two lions and two large dogs. Two hyenas and
two wolves are to be added, and t is expected
that the peace and harmony OF the group will not
be disturbed Darwin is right, and we certainly
have made a descent from the brutes. If you
should put two jews. two esbyterians and two
Baptists together, and then add small but live
ly UniVersalst the result would not equal that of
the Russian collection.
ANEcporE OF RICu.-Of Rich, the manager
and famous harlequin, story is told, which Is
probably the original Of several almost similar
ones with the advantage Of being true. One
night, returning from Portugal Street Theatre in
q hackney coach, he ordered the to drive 10
the Sun Tavern, Clara Market. Passing one OF
the parlOr windows that was invitingly open,
Rich sprnng out OF the coach into the room. The
coachman Just then halting, and finding the vehi-
Gle empty, slammed the steps, cursed the cheat
who had biked him and mounted the box to
drive of. At this moment Rich jumped back,
and, putting out his head, told the man TO turn
.he coach and set him down. After he got Out
Rich swore at the stupid fellow, and offered him
his fare. Jarvey declined. He did not like the
look Of things, and said, stOutly, his master had
ordered him not to take any money at all that
night Rich replied - Your master is fool
Here is a shilling for yourself But the man
was resolute, regained his box, and, as he drove
OF. shouted s'No, no, Mr. Devil, know you in
spite Of your shoes, and so you're made a fool O
for once" This story Is usually told Of an actor
who. on being set down at his destination, in the
dark, kept getting out at one door of the vehicl'
and going in at the other, till the cOachman, as
tonished at such procession, fed for terror
All the Year Round.