South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-09-17
WIT A Nh HUNoR

f.
once led TO writC an opitaph on .
peace making lawyer. The doctor
was passing a church yard. and, see
ing some people weeping over n
grave, asked IL woman why thoy
wept
on said she, 'we have lost our
precious lawyer, Justice Randall lie
Kept us from going 70 l2w--tlio best
man who ever lived.
'Well,' replied Johnson, Il will
write you an epltaph to pat upon his
tomb thread:
God works wonders now aud Inca -
Here lies .awycr-an homes. man"
II Johnson had lived century Ia
ter end made the acquaintance of
Judge Ryland, of Missouri, he might
have written a similar epiteph. More
than once the Judge was heard to
say
Il would rather give 500 out Of
my own pocket to avoid suit be-
tween ncighbors than to gain $500 by
prosecuting one
This pacific lawyer was once asked
by gentleman Belonging to an inilu-
eniial family to bring q suit against
brother sor SANDER.
600 home,' said the Judge, after
listening to the complaint, 'and fall
on your knees three times day for a
week, and pray God TO forgive You
for harboring such unkind feelings
against u brother. II at Tho end of
that time yoe are still determined TO
bring the suit return to me, and we
will consult about It,
This is strange counsel for a law
yer to give remarked the man, aman-
ed that lawyer should decline suit.
Yes was the reply; but it is the
best | can give you
Before the week had ended, the
man returned and told the Judge
that Inc had decided not to bring the
suit.
Hole on dar,' said colorod man,
hailing an acquaintance. Docs yer
cross de street ebbcry time yer sees
me ter keep frum payin' dat bill ?
No, doesn't, sah.' 'Whnt fur, denY'
Ter keep frum bein' axed fur it,
What must I do asked n mean
and conceitcd man OF friend who
knew him well, ito get picture of
the enc 1 love most?' '.Sit for your
own picture,' was the reply.
Mamma said little girl, as peo-
pie get old does their hair grow quar-
relsome?' Why, no, M child
what ever put such notion in your
head 2 j thought it must be so, ma,
because | heard that old people's hair
Is constantly falling out
a girl asked druggist friend to
tell her an easy way TO take castor-oil.
he invited her to take q glass of soda.
water. cXciaiming after she had drunk
1t. There you have taken the oil
IN that glass Of saltwater ooh
dcar!' she replied, Il am so sorry,
for it was for my mother wanted it
Paragraphs are like pic-crust-ov-
crybody wants them short.
The darkios in the South are ali
Grant men and they cannot under
stand why de boss was not nomina-
ted. Garfcld's name Is an unknown
one to them. They have heard of
him in connection with the Credit
Ilobilicr and other scandals, and auX-
iously ask the white leaders OF that
section if he am Dat Garlish dat
went down to Mobile and got credit
for q bill and vent oil widout paycn
il?
a little girl, noticing the glttcring
gold Filings in her aunt's front tooth,
exclaimed: Aunt Mary, wish had
copper-tocd teeth like yours
Och, said a lovo-sick Hibernian,
what recreation it is to be dying Of
love it sets the heart aching 50 de-
!icatcIy there's no taking wink Of
eIape fer the pleasure of the pain
The minister stopped at house
last week, and sought to improve the
time by giving an eight year old boy
an instructive lesson in morality
My boy said the minister. q have
lived forty-five years, and have never
used tobacco in any form, nor told
lie, nor uttered on oath, nor played
tuant, nor 'Genminy crickets,'
interrupted the lad, 'yer amt had any
Gun at all, have YEP
a THovGmFUL liUsBAND.-An cmia
monthly respectable republican, whose
vito was iubued With democratic ten
denotes managed 10 gey around at lis
home in New Haven about o'clock
Friday morning IL pleasant Obvious
condition
Where or earth hove you b cent in
quired the fearful wife.
Been celebrating. my dear; haen
celebrating. !inrcoc't3 'so!cctel J, you
know. Been celebrating.
what have you got &c do with 49, any.
wgyS You are republican. What are