The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-04-15

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BreaARs description the story of
tramp -ea-.---
LIVERY horses belong to the hired
class of animals.
The. real paper duty-to pay your
subscription at once.
SHIPS are frequently on speaking
terms, and they lie to.
A TRAMP called his shoes " Corpora
tions," because they had no soles.
The Widows Home is with her sec
ond husband as soon as she can get one.
NEVADA railroads allow the Indians
to play around thescars. The Indian has
no friends. ID s s5e @ aaE
How we love the joyous springtide.-
New York Eapress. Sh-sh. Keep it
dark. Does the springtide reciprocate?
The pork raiser. and the successful
author are so much alike that they both
get their living, by the fruits of their
pens.
Gle? well, I guess he does lie,' said
his neighbor Jones. "Why, he's SO fond
of lying that he won't let clock strike
right in his house." s.
THE burglar alarm is a. great inven-
ton. It always warns the burglar. i1
season for him to get out of the way
before anybody can shoot.
WHENEVER man prefaces a remark
detrimental to another with, II hate to
say it, but, you may be sure he is
tickled to death to say it.
T1GHT shoes are said by Boston ocu-
list to make badeyesight. Now we may
account. for the fact that barefoot boys
see SO much that is going on.
"SoLDIERs must be fearfully dis
honest" said Mrs. Partington. sit
seems to be an occurrence every night
for a sentry to be relieved of his
watch"
THE reason David employed sling on
Goliah was because he couldn't get any
giant powder. IL s, -.,-.s-,
A TENNESSEE man can SO pertly i'm
itate the sounds made by two dogs en-
gagged in fighting, that he can call
Memphis congregation OUT of church in
three minutes.
THE totapcost of the Zulu war is E5,-
l38, 900. The total gain is-pshaw! we
have mislaid our memorandum. What
did you say the total gain was, Mr..
Beaconsfield - set1a sfa "
{ The Jersey City Journal asks: sssWhy
should it be necessary to kiss pretty
women in order to preach the gospel 2"
1t isn't. There would be fewer editors
and lawyers if it were.
AN exchange says that Bonner used
to allow Beecher one hundred dollars
per week, for writing for the Ledger, ad.
lib. All, Mr.. Beecher, it was the add
Lib. that foored you. taz5
H. 6 I A GENTLEMAN sprang to assist her,
And picked up her muff and her wrister;
"Do you think she replied,
| -s a''I sat down for the fun Of 1t, mister?'
DOCTOR (examining)-" The action of
the heart is not good. It beats twice as
fast as it should Son of Erin" Be-
gorrah An it isn't the beating of my
heart your counting; it's the ticking of
my watch"
IF you are very precise man, and
wish to be certain what you get, never
marry girl named Ann, for we have
the authority of Lindley Murray and
others for the assertion that can is an
| indefinite article" ~ = @
b. AN exchange refers to the language
of the postage stamp. But we do not
| think the postage stamp has any Ian
guage that expresses anything. II it
had, we believe itwould holler ''enough"
when it is licked.
He was praying, and in his prayer he
said, pray that the power of Satan
may be curtailed." just then an old
darkey in the congregation cried out,
4 "Yes. amen! Bress me. Cut him tail
trioht smack smooye off :" sz#-.r
"THERE is multitude of people ly-
ing round about u.s." exclaimed an
orator. All right, let them lie; that
won't hurt us. 'It's those that go
around and tell the truth about us that
than most mankind. s a
g, "MA,", said, an inquisitive little girl,
"will rich and poor folks live together
when they go to heavenT" Yes, my
dear, they will be all alike there"
"Then, ma, why. don't rich and poor
| Christians associate together here p
The mother did not answer.
els there any opening here for an in
tellectual writer?" asked a seedy, red
nosed individual of an editor. Yes,
my friend" remarked the man of quills,
"a considerate carpenter, foreseeing
your visit, left an opening Tor you.
Turn the knob to the right"
T. DER this poor gamblers silent clay.
| Kind reader, do not grieve,
/ 1t His death took place when johnson caught
ags g = ds17's9 -Leadeias Epssaph.
SCIENTIFIC Gent with his hair on
end, and the tassels of the. cords to his
dressing gown humping behind him as
he idescends the stairs -" Ve'y strange! !!
! But could almost swear-I hear foot
steps--followingmedownstairs--p (Bolts
/ into his bedroom. locks the door, and
4 writes to the Athen9um the next day
81 A FRENCH traveller, arriving late at a
railway station in Paris, found the
| ticket Office closed and readily accepted
the offer of a gentleman who could not
use the ticket he had purchased, and
1 seated himself in the train Just in time.
Arrived at the collecting station he pre-
sented his ticket, and was asked for "his
own" His reply brought the question,
"Did YOU think to travel by this
ticket?'' eyes; why not9' "Well, it
is ticket for dogp isis &
l. Two men were out shooting the other
day; one had license, the other hadn't.
i A keeper approached and the one that
had license ran away. The keeper
was good runner, and an exciting race
ensued over about a mile and half OF
nice ploughed fields. At last the keeper
bgot up to the runaway. "Now, sir,
where's your icenseT 1t was pro-
duced. " Then why the " did you
run away?" Oh, Pm fond of exer-
cise,n answered the man; but don't
| you think you'd better ask my friend If
he has one?'
Remarkable Lightning.
A correspondent writing from New
IA .,-., t., kha Nor&horr