The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-10-01
MRS. MowILLIAMs AND THE LIGHT.
MING
BY MARK TWAIN.
From the September Atlantic.

| From the september Atlantic.
| Well sir,-continued Mr.. McWilliam:
Tor this was not the beginning of hi
talk,-the fear of lightning is one of til
most distressing infirmities human bt
| ing can be afflicted with. II is mostl
confined to women; but now and the
you find it in little dog, and sometime
IN man. 1t is a particularly distress
ing lnf1rmity, for the reason that it take
the sand out of q person to an exten
which no other fear can, and it can't b
reasoned with, and neither can it b
shamed out of person. a woman VIII,
could face the very devil himself-or .
| mouse-loses her grip and goes all {,
pieces in front of u flash of lightning
Her fright is something pitlful to see.
Wen, as was telling you, woke up
with that Smothered and unlocatabl,
cry OF Mortimer Moltimerr' wailin!
IN my ears; and as soon as / coulC
scrape my faculties together l reached
over in the dark and then said
"Eva~geline, is that you calling
What is the matter? Where are YOU 3
shut up in the boot closet. Yot
ought to be ashamed to lie there apl
sleep so, and such an awful storm coins
on"
why, how can one be ashamed wher
ne Is asleep: 1t is unreasonable; q mar
can't be ashamed when he is asleep
Eyangeline"
lyon never try, MOrtimer,-you know
very well YOU never try"
| caught the sound of muffied sobs.
That sound smote dead the sharI
speech that was on my lips, and j
changed it to
I'm sorry, dear,-I'm truly sorry, ]
never meant TO act so. Come hack
and"--
'Mortimerr"
Heavens! what is the matter, my
love?
bed yet?'
Why of course"
Come out of it instantly. l should
think you would take some little care of
your life, for my sake and the children's.
II you will not for your own"
"But my lovei-
Don't talk to me, Mortimer. You
k1aolc there is no place so dangerous as a
PED, IN such thunderstorm as this-ali
the books say that; yet there you would
lie, and deliberately throw away vour
nte-for goodness knows what unless
for the sake of arguing and arguing,
and"- %
"But, confound it, Evangeline, I'm not
in the bed nOao, I'm"-
sentence Interrupted by a sudden
glare of lightning, followed by terri
ned little scream from Mrs. McWilliams
and tremendous blast of thundtr.l
There! You see the result. OH Nor
timer, how can you be so profligate as to
swear at such time as this ~
II didn't swear. And that aodsnt re-
suit OF it, any way. 1t would have come
just the same if hadn't said word !;
and you know very well Evangeline-at
least you ought to know-that when the
atmosphere is charged with electricity
oh, yes; now argue it and argue it,
and argue it'll don't see how you can
act so, when you kE0W there is not
lightning rod on the place, and your
poor wife and children are absolutely at
the mercy of Providence. What are you
doing lighting match at such a time
as this! Are you stark mads
Hang 1t, woman, where's the harm (?
The place is as dark as the inside of an
infidel, and"-
put it out! put it out instantly! Are
you determined to sacrifice us all? You
kla0ao there is nothing attracts lightning
like light. Fzt! crash! boom !SbOLOona
6o0n1-6O0na-6o0m! Oh, Just hear il!
Now You see what you've doneri
mo, don't see what I've done. A
match may attract lightning, for all l
know, but it don't cause lIghtninr-I'll
go odds on that. And it didn't attract
1t worth q cent this time; for if that shot
was leveled at my match, it was blessed
poor marksmanship-about an average
OF none out of a possible million should
say. Why, at Dollymount such marks
as that
che
right in the presence of death,
and yet in SO solemn a moment YOU are
capable of using such language as that.
If you have no desire to-Mortimer
"Well?"
did you say your prayers to-nightT ~
"l-l-meant to, but got to trying to
cipher out how much twelve times thir-
teen is, and"-
IFstt-6Oonl-berroona-boona! 6um5le-,tna-
bic, bang, SMASH!
"Oh, we are lost, beyond all helpi
How could you neglect such thing as
this9
'But it wasn't such a time as this
there wasn't cloud IN the sky. How
could know that there was going to be
all this rumpus and pow-wow about a
little slip like that? And don't think
it's just fair for you to make SO much
out of it, anyway, seeing it happens SO
seldom; haven't missed before since I
brought on that earthquake, four years
ago."
"Mortimerl How you talk! Have YOU
forgotten the yellow fever?"
"My dear, you are always throwing I'D
the yellow fever to me, and think It is
perfectly unreasonable. You can't even
send telegraph message as far as Mem
phis without relays, so how is little de.
yotlonal slip of mine going to carry SO
far? III stand the earthquake, because
it was in the neighborhood; but I'll be
hanged if I'm going to be responsible
for every blamed"-
FztABooM-b erroOnl-boom l-boomi
BANG1
"Oh. dear, dear, dear! k,aoao it struck
Mortimer We never shall
see the light of another day; and if it
will do you any good to remember, when
we are gone, that your dreadful Ian
gauge-lMortfser!!''
"WELLl What nowF'
"Your voice sounds as if-Mortimer,
you are actually standing in front of that
THAT is the very crime that am COM
hitting"
"Go away from it this minute. You
do seem determined to bring destruction
On US all. Don't you know that there Is
no better conductor for the lightning
than an open chimney? Now where
have you got to go to?''
"1'm here by the window
"Oh, for PHYS sake, haYe you lost
your mind? Clear out from there. this
The very children in arms
know it is fatal to stand near q window
N thunderstorm. Dear, dear; know
shall never see the light of another day.
"Yesw
"What Is that rustlings'
"It,s me''
"What are you doingg'
Trying to find the upper end of my
"Quick! throw those things awayl I do
believe that you would deliberately put
On these clothes at such a time as this;
yet you know perfectly well that all au-
.horities agree that wooden stuffs attract
lightning. Oh, dear, dear, il isn't suffi-
cient that ones life must be in peril
rom natural causes, hut you must do
you can possibly think of to
augment the danger. Oh, don't sing!
What can you be thinking ofY''
"Now, where's the harm in it?'
"McHimer. if have told you once 1
nave tolu you a hundred times, that sing
ng causes vibrations in the atmos-
Dhere, which interrupt the flow of the
electric fluid, and.-What on earth are
Iou opening that door fory''
Goodness, gracious, woman, is there
my harm in that 80
"Harmi There's death in It. Anybody
hat has given this subject any attention
Knows that to create draught is TO in
1ite the lightning. You haven't half |
hut it; shut it Highland do hurry, or
We are all destroyed. Oh, il is an awful |
iuch a time as this Mortimer, what |
ire you doing?"
Nothing. Just turning on the water
The room Is smothering hot and close. |
want to bath my face and hands"
"You have certainly parted with the |
emnant of your mindl Where light |
ling strikes any other substance once il |
r. -. n