Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-04-21
The Hip Pocket.

Whist is kEoTn among tallors as the hip
pocket" IS exclusively characteristic of the
American species OF man.
Mr.. Wi;hers is not Western man, and
is wholly unacquainted with whisky; but
his recent experience of the incompatibiliiy
of hip pocket and glass bottles was very
painful and embarrassing He had return
cd to his Orange county home from brief
visit TO New York, and had brought with
him as present 10 Miss Wilson--to whom
he was betrothed-a bottle OF that remark
able cement which is sold by sidewalk mer-
chants. and which is by them represented
as being much stronger than wrought iron.
Ii had occurred 10 him that this cement
would be a very nice thing 10 have in his
future house, since with it all sorts of bro
ken china and glass could be mended, and
every one knows that children will break
great deal of china. On the evening of his
ARRIVAL home he put the cement bottle in his
hip pocket and called on Miss Wilson, in
tending to offer it TO her as soon as he en-
tered the house
Mr.. Withers was artenily attached TO
the young lady, and when he saw her before
him he not unnaturally forgot all about
such merely earthly matters Us cement.
The old people welcomed him politely,
and, after a few moments Of conversation,
withdrew with discretion which il is to
De wished that old people would emulate.
Being of frugal mind, and knowing that
the merciful young man should he mercitul
10 his intended father-in-law in point of
Kerosene bills, Mr.. Withers promptly
turned down the lamp and proceeded TO
make himself AT home.
The bottle was n stout one, and would
D rhaps have withs,OOd any ordinary pres
sure, but as Miss Wilson weighed fully 40
pounds. and as The back Of the small rock
ing-chair was of hard wood, it is not strange
that the bottle yielded. MIR. Withers was
20 much interested in the weather and other
subjects such as usually absorb the atten-
ton of young men in his position, that he
did not notice the breaking OF the glass, aud
il was not until an hour later that a false
alarm of father in the front hall induced
Miss Wilson to flee to the sofa, and suggest
ed 20 Mr.. Withers the advisabiGty Of turn
ing up the lamp.
The cement had done It's work. and Mr..
Withers did not get up 10 attend 10 the
light, but requested the young lady TO dis
charge this duty for him. She did 50, and
then noticed his panied and preoccupled ex-
preston. To her anxious inquiries he ad-
mitted that he felt little faint and would
like glass of water. Miss Wilson hur-
riedly went for the water, reproaching her
self for being 50 heavy, and accusing her
s.lf of selfishness and want OF consideration.
In her absence the young man made super
human efforts TO wrench himself loose, but
the cement refused 10 yield. When Miss
Wilson returned with the glass of water, he
looked 50 much worse that she was really
frightened, and he was compelled TO tell
her the real state Of the case.
She was practical person, and she
promptly proposed to get a tea-kettle of
hot water and dissolve the cement, but de-
sisted when he explained to her that his sys-
TEN would not bear the application Of water
at the boiling point. She then timidly sug-
gested that if she were TO call ''pa, perhaps
pa would lend HIM pair; but Mr.. With
ers said no, he could not bear the mortifi-
cation of being found in such situation by
any father. Ii was finally agreed that he
should wait until late hour, and should
then take the chair home with him. This
was accordingly done, and had not the I'M
fortunate young man been arrested by a
local constable, who only discharged him
when a severe test proved that his posses
sion of the chair was purely involuntary,
his misfortune might never have become
generally known.
When disasters such as this are liable TO
happen to the wearers Of hIp-pockets, il be-
comes doubtful whether they are not al
together too hazardous for general use In
fact, good authorities maintain that the hip
pocket is positively detrimental, and that
an earnest and united effort should be made
10 secure its extirpation.