Middletown transcript., 1880-04-03
CHIPS.

SATURDAY MORNlNG, AARlL 3, 1880.
CHIPS.
The only thing in favor of this weather is
its demOralizing affect upon verses about
"gentle spring"
A division Of labor is popular in all occu.
pHtious young 1H 5ti77ss wants IS sseI ss!eIF te
hold up front gate.
Many man thinks he is great, but he is
always willing for his wife to be the CRATER
when there is horseradish in The family.
Why is it that nine men out of every posi-.
bic ten, when being photographed, look like
they had just been visited by women com
mittee?
You never find out how bad man has
been until he is nominated for office, and you
never know how good be has been until You
read his obituary.
States and cities are trying TO legislatc
oleomargarine out Of the market Ifiti any
worse than the average run of market butter,
It ought to be legislated out of existence.
1t is the custom in Lapland for lover to
steal his bride aud carry her forcibly to his
own home. It must be heartrending TO see
l2O pound young man rifling the paternal
domicile of 24O pound girl
The trees will shortly get up releaf boom
OF their own.-Reokuk Gate City.
You cannot raise silver-cresied Hamburgs
oy setting hen on nickle-plaed eggs.-Ner
HaUen Register.
The reason is plain why young ladies like
horseback riding 1t leads them 10 a bridal
path.-PhiIadelphia Sunday Item.
Let the frogs have monopoly of croaking
this spring, and every man make the most Of
his business.-Fondu Lac Reporter.
The man who hesitates is lost, but the wo-
man who hesitates gets fresh grip on her
side of the argument.-,Salem Sunbeam.
| hav finally got so that amt at all SER
tain oV wat kno miself, and am Citing less
sertain ov wat others say they kno.-Josh
Billings.
The poet who sang "hail, gentle SPRING"
must have been little off. A gentle Spring
should not be asked to throw stones.-Fon du
Lac Reporter.
You can always tell clerk in dry goods
store from the millionaire proprietor, by the
good clothes the clerk wears.-SteubenUills
Herald.
No journal devoted to temperance can live,
with white paper at eleven cents a pound,
and whisky dollar gaIlon-Syracuss Sun
day Times.
What is the reason the man who draws the
big prize in the lottery always lives in a town
about five hundred miles distant ?-Reokuk
Constitution.
We suggest that everybody drop the discus
sion Of the gem puzzle, and try and find out
why bass viol players are always fat-Bridge-
port Standard
If this piano strike keeps on much longer
there will be much suffering among those
who can't sleep nights for the want of pia-
no.-Peck's Sun.
There is an orator in Boston who uses such
heavy words that he can't express them. He
has to load them on fiat GERS by freight
Marathon Independent.
Mrs. Southworth, the lady who writes a
novel between each meal, has never known
a well day. This accounts for the quality of
snme Of her bnoks.-Lampton.
The attention of baggage masters is directed
to a fve-year-old girl in Chaplin. The wheels
of an OK wagon passed over her chest. with
out injuring it,-Danbury Necs
George Fruits died in Indiana recently, at
the age of ll3, and his wife at 100. They
were specimen of decayed fruits-an over
ripe pair, as it were.-Keokuk Gate City.
Western papers are discussing the question,
''Shall married women work p Unless they
do we suppose good many husbands Of the
period will starve to death.-Nev York
Express
There's no fun paying for lot of election
tickets, especially is you do not get elected.
But that makes no difference to the printer.
He ism to blame for your defeat HachensacE
Republican.
Connecticut widow, worth $4,000, 900,
is ready to marry, provided she can "fnd
man who knows enough" Almost any man
knows enough-to marry such woman
NoTristown Herald
have no respect for that sel-boasting
charity which neglects all objects of commits
GRAFTON near and around it, but goes to the
end of the earth in search of misery, for the
purpose of talking about it George Mason
On the planet Jupiter one year is nearly as
long as twelve of our years By the amount
Of time some people in this world take on
their promissory notes, it is eveident that they
labor under the delusion that they are inhabi-
Iants Of Jupiter.-Ronle Sentinel.
The young man who wants to get up with
he sun must not sit up too late with the
laughter Mdaletopn Transcript. He will
BIT down With the daughter until the son
rises, and you cant help yourself P. S.
Unless the daughter should rise frst-Rone
Sentinel
A young New Yorker was introduced 10 a
Boston girl, and before they were acquainted
thirty minutes, she got 50 spooney that she
had called him an astrolepis, a silurian pla-
cold and cartilaginous vertebrate. He re-
turned TO New York by the midnight train.-
Andreav'S BazGr
GRATEFUL WoMAN.-None receive 50 much
benefit, and none are so profoundly grateful
and show such an interest in recommending
Hop Bitters as women. 1t is the only remedy
peculiarly adapted 10 the many ills the sex is
almost universally subject TO- Chlls and
fever. indigestion or deranged liver. constant