South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-02-06

Pete, 'bisotea is knowing too much for
one Niger and not 'nuffor two Yah.
yah!
r. When be Is twenty -one the boy 10
supposed 10 have ou.grown the switch.
but that is inst the age when the girl
begins to necd one.
Il think the turkey has the advantage
of YOU said the landlady to the mex
pert boartler who was carving. Guess
it hiss, mum-in age a
person who had obtained a free
r,ilrcad pass asked the ticket agent if
he could no. embrace his wife, Prob.
ably. the Official answered, ..but pre-
fer to see her before promising positive.
ly.'
Mo- Algernon dear. say that the
boy shall not he brought mp on the bot.
to. Look at its grandpa's nose!
A friend of oars remarked that the
reason the softer sex call the men bears
because they hug the gils too tight.
Logic ty the armful.
Some 'horrid orutc', has discovered
'ht the difference between an. umbrella
and woman is that there arc times
when You can shut up AZ umbrella.
8
There are two kinds Of bores in this
woria-the poor and the rich. You can
get rid Of the former by lending hin, Gve'
dollars. You can free yourself Of the.
other by attempting to borrow twenty
dollars Of him. Try i, on.
Money does everything for man,
said m old gentleman, pompously.-
Yes replied tie other one, but money
won't do NJ much for q man rs some
men will do for money rel
A man who had Sos stolen from him
received note with s25. saying: 81
stoled your money. Rcmors naws at
my conshens. and I send some Of i.
back. When remors naws ag'I I'll send
Won sorlc more
Az ORNAMENT To THE PeoFIsIoE
"A student applied the other day to one
OF the dirtrict courts for admission to
lractice. amt ~ examination commi tee
Of one WIS appointed by the Judge to
ascertain his qualifications. The exam.
ina!ion began with:
do you smoke, sir1'
4 DO sir J.
Have you spare cigas?'
YES
Now, sir, what is tie FIRST duty Of q
,aHye:?'
10 collect fees rt.
Right. What is the second
go increase the number OF his CHI |
ents'
When Goes your position toward |
yonr client CHANGE
When making bill OF costs
Explain
We are aniagonistic. assume the |
character of plaintiff and he becomes
the defendant
a suit decided, how 40 you stand
with the lawyer conducting the Other
site?
'Check, 10y jowl.'
Enough. sir you promise TO become
an ornament to your profession, and /
wIsh you success. Now. you are aware
OF the Guty you owe mc?'
Perfectly
Describe H..
Ills to invite you TO dinll.'
But suppose decline
Candidate scratches his heal. There
is no instance Of the kinl on record in
tie books
You arc right and tho c Influence
vi ID which you make the assertion
shows Won have read The law attentive
Is. Let's take drink, anl I'll sign
You, certificate
'Namma,' remarked Freddie to hia.mo
TIER as he came home from schooIfene
day, i wish l was postage stamp
why, so. Freddie? inquired his mother
Because It's drst licking is sure to be
its last!
Why was the whale that swallowed
Jonah like milkman who has retired on
~ independence because he took q
great profit ont Of the waters.
An old lady i'll Wichita says she ne
yer could imagine where all the Smiths
ctmo from until she saw in New Eng.
Ind town n llrLn sion. Smith Mnnu.