The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-05-13
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
MANv1LLE Ito his widowed friend
Chasuble, who has views on nrt)-"Is
1t true that you've broken Off with Sir
lIonry's daughterP'
Chasuble-"Alas, yes, was forced
70, although she is charming woman. -
"ManvilDe-''Why2"
Chasublc-"1ncomp Of COM
plexlon. She docs not suit my furni-
ture."
THE game of from 20 to 40 will puzzle
the census-taker more than tho little
game OF l3-14-15. He will be awfuIlv
puzzled when maiden lady with cork
screw curls and faIse-teeth tells him
that she was 'born in 1860, and he can
count 1t up HIMSELF. Ho'M be ready
10 swear That she has jumped the "lb''
from tho lower left hand corner.
AT crowded French country thea
tre woman fell from the gallery to
the pit, and was picked up by one of
the spectators, who, hearing her groan-
ing, asked hcr II she was much Injured.
'Much inJurea!' exclaimed tho wo-
man. ~ should think l am. have
LOST tho best seat in the very middle of
the front row."
Polly: Well, Pat, what Is 1t now ?
Would you rather look bigger fool
than ye are, or be q bigger fool than ye
LOOK! Fat: Sure now, my darlint, and
III be both till find which side o. the
arglmint yer on ycrself, whin, by
Jaoers' l'll join yc, right or wrong.
--o-------
n FERMOST woman went to Il store
ana asked for a "CoOk-book, ;" and they
gave her volume OF Josep..'s lectures,
ana after slle had got up Il dinner by it.,
they found 1t necessary to call four
doctors to get the family through the
night, and rival sections roostcu on the
fence for two days, prepared for emer-
gencics.
'SOMEBoDY's coming when the dew
drops RAIL- she was softly humming,
whcn the old man remarked, AN you
bet yer sweet life, Maria, that hen
think thunder storm has let loose
when ho gets here
"WuEN [ was little boy" liSpcd a
very stupid society man to young
lady, "all my ldeath In life were thent-
ercd on being clown" "Well, there
is at least one case of gratitied ambi-
tion," was the reply.
MEN often jump ut conclusions, :"
says the provrrb So do dogs. One
recently jumped at the conclusion of a
cat, which was sticking through the
opening of Il partly closed door, and iC
created great disturbance.
WHISKY at $l.O6 is above par, but the
FOLLOW who takes it In generally gets
below. Moral-Ncver try to corner
whisky by drinking it; if the whisky
don'L go down, 900 to l you will.
DON'T he in II hurry in this world.
a Missouri farmer had boil. Some
one tolu him 1t was a cancer, and he
was 80 scared that he hung himself.
The best way is to 90 slow and poul-
ticc 'em.
LEAF year contains one day
more than the ordinary year. This ex-
plains why it Is never claimed that wo-
man wants but little year below.
AN Irish newspaper saws: "In tho
absence or poLn Guiturs, Lilu publishes
have succeeded In securing the service
OF a gentleman to edit the paper this
week.
NEVER shoot a cat with brick until
after bed time. You may catch the
servants girls fellow in the back, and
then she'll leave.
WHAT is the difference between the
post office and one of the churches ?
One has the postmaster and the other
the most pastor.
WHEN boy bats a ball through q
parlor window, the boy may not lose
his inning, but the man who owns the
window is invariably put out.
Now they say the real grievance of
the Cincinnati people against Theodore
Thomas Is that he would not beat time
with ham.
a New YORK man who was troubled
with insomnia took a situation as night
watchman, and was asleep half an hour
after he went on duty the first time.
--$-
ONE man eloped with the wife of an
VII - HPSiiiuSS oSS III 1CnHCS-
see. Such bees interfere with the
honeymoon.
A YOUNG an who has recently taken
wife says he didn't find 1t half so hard
to get married rs he did to get furni-
turo.
The laundry girls in Dubuque, Iowa,
are preparing for strike. 1t may be
we'll for them "to strike while the
irons hot"
lF mans horses should lose their
tails, why should he sell them whole
sale. Because he can't retail them.
THE best way to encourage a tramp
Is TO show him pile Of cord wood, and
other little axe Of kindness.
AN Irish lover remarked that it Is a
great pleasure to be alone tsesneciallv v