Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1880-05-01
How a Married Woman
Goes to Sleep.
From the Pittsburgh Lea der,

From the Fits burgh Lea der,
There is an article going the
rounds entitled. "How Girls go TO
Sleep The manner in which
they go to sleep, according to the
article, can't hold candle to the
vay married woman goes to
sleep. Instead of thinking what
she should attended to before GO
ing to bed, she thinks oft after
ward. While she is revolving
these matters in her mind, and
while snugly tucked up in bed the
old man is scratching his legs in
front of the fire, and wondering
how he will pay the next months
rent. Suddenly she says:
james. did you lock the door,"
(which door?" says James.
"The cellar door, says she.
"No,' says James.
swell, you better godown and
lock it, for / heard some person in
the back yard last night"
Accordingly, James paddles
down stairs and locks the door.
About the time James returns and
is going TO get into bed, she re-
marks:
ibid you shut the stair door ~
"No," says James.
"Well, it is not shut the cat will
get up into the bedroom"
"Let her come up, then," says
James, ill-naturedly.
"My goodness, no." returned
the wife. She'd suck the baby's
breath"
Then James paddles down stairs
again, and steps on a tack and
closes the stair door and curses the
cat and returns to the bedroom.
Just as he begins to climb into
his couch his wife observes:
II forgot to bring up some wa
ter. Suppose you bring some up
in the big TIM
And so James with a muttered
curse goes down into the dark
kitchen and falls over chair, and
rasps all the tinware of the wall
in search of the "big" tin, and
then Jerks the stairdoor open and
howls:
"Where the deuce are the
matches?'
She gave him minute directions
where to find the matches, and
adds that she would rather go and
get the water herself than have
the neighborhood raised about ii.
After which James finds the
matches, procures the water, comes
up stairs and plunges into bed.
Presently his wife says:
"James, let's have an under
standing about money matters.
Now, next week I've got to pay
II don't know what you'll have
to pay, and L don't care" shouted
James, as he lurched around and
Jams his face against the wall /;
fall | want is Sleep"
That's all very well for you,"
snaps his wife, as she pulls the
covers viciously; 'you never
think of the worry and trouble l
have. And there's Araminta,
who believe is taking the mea-
sles."
"Let her take EN-" says James.
Hereupon she begins to cry soft
ly, but about the time James Is
falling into gentle doze she
punches him in the ribs with her
elbow and says:
Ibid you hear that scandal
about Mrs. Jones ?'
What Jones ?" says James
sleepily. N
"Why, Mrs. Jones"
"Where - inquired James.
II declare" says his wife, ''you
are getting more stupid every day.
You know Mrs. Jones that lives
in No. 81? Well, day before yes
terday Susan Smith told Mrs.
Thompson that Sam Baker had
said that Mrs Jones had"
Here she pauses and listens.
James is snoring in profound
slumber. With a snort of rage
she pulls all the cover off him,
wraps herself up in them and lays
awake until 2 A. NJ, thinking how
badly used she is.
And this is the way married
woman goes to sleep.
A New Dodge ON Lawyers.
Tho OhiO man IL a luavS hraaE