, 1880-05-03
Hawkeye Editorial Dots.
The czar appears to be the only man
that doesn't make Jokes about it.

| lid hCHO OOtSs
The czar appears to be the only man
that doesn't make Jokes about it.
Mark Twain, it is reported. wants to
60 tc congress. Then Why doesn't he
go? He has money enough.
The Russian Fourth of July threat
ems to last about all the year, if the
czar holds out SO long as that.
At tie city election in Augusta. Me-,
the Republicans elected Peleg o. Vicke
mayor. Vicketery Vicketery
What is all this fuss about the bill
for the relief of Fitz John Porter
We thought Pope relieved him, long
ago.
Hon. John Cuthbert, of Mobile, is
ninety -one years old, and he still prac
tices law, although he Is old enough to
know better.
Poor Arnold he didn't live long
enough to be reinstated with full rank
and back pay. He was born too early
and died too soon.
Tennyson thinks five hours writing
is a good days work. Ha; it's easy
enough to see that man got hia educa-
tion on an evening paper.
Victor Hugo drinks coffee continu-
ally, and stands up while writing"
Alb, ha? Well, We know what ails
h m. Somebody has kicked him.
1t is said that Tennyson has made
wise investments and is now worth
million dollars. No wonder he writes
SO much poor poetry. He can afford it.
The leading Methodist church in To
ronto dismissed the choir because it
had been singing Pinafore." Only
''dismissed them. Why didn't they
kill EN-?
Tue Ninilists are probably SO called
because whenever they 60 cunning
for a monarch, they get nothing. At
least they only get hanged, and that
isn't what they want.
Postmaster Hilton has been postmas-
ter ut town in Maine since 1880. He
is now eighty-one years old, and his
eyes are so weak it is all he eau do to
read the postal cards in the mail.
Mrs. Frank Leslie. who continues the
management of her late husbands pub
lications, is said to be beautiful, and
an original thinker" Hah then why
doesn't she think up something for
OBJ, well, if "bayonets think" why
shouldn't scissors?
1t has been suggested as remedy
for the paper corner. that the editors
should own the paper mills. Yes, that
would fix it certainly bat then If the
editor owned paper mill, he'd see the
country in. Halifax before he'd be both
cred with newspaper.
A lecturer rec*ntly stated that " the
great empires Of antiquity, Babylon,
Assyria, Persia, are gone" There,
that's just our luck We were going
over after them next week, and now
somebody else has got them. Circum
stantial evidence and our own opinions
point strongly to Mrs. Gaines.
No more at Panama than at the
Suez canal. will the prsponderating in
Adence of another power be allowed to
lay hands on England" skrieks the
Lon3on Shndud Hush, wrathful
Jingo, hush this isn't Zululand. Don't
you remember, you were over here
about sixty years ago? And there
were SO many hands laid on you that
you went back under the impression
that this country was three-ply oc
tosus.
Grant las now the grandest opportu-
nifty of Ills life to make his popularity
eternal. with grateful and loving peo-
pie; grand opportunity for sublime
act. The sublime act consists simply
in refusing to be a presidential candi-
date. This is the opinion of some of
the greatest statesmen and thinkers of
the age. Among other men of emf
hence and prominence who hold this
opinion, may be mentioned these
thoughtful and disinterested statesmen,
John Sherman, Mr.. Washburne, Mr..
Edmunds, Mr.. Tildep, Mr.. Bayard, Mr..
Blaine, and others. 1t is odd that Grant
can't see it as plainly as they do.
THE WRATH OF ACHILLES" Achil-
les" said the crafty Ulysses, "why is
Lent like Pinafore?
Achilles, who was cross about some
thing, as usual, said he didn't see why,
unless it was because forty days of it
was enough to last people year.
Well, that is pretty good" said
Ulysses, but that isn't exactly it.
It's because it's barred in good soci-
ety."
Barred ?"asked Achilles in wonder.
eyes, barred, =" replied Ulysses.
"But Lent is over"
"Ah, that's where you're fooled.
Everything that's lent must be bor-
rowed."
And then Achilles was SO mad he
went into his tent and sulked for a
week.
QUEER CH1CKENs.-A lady residing
at Cow Island, in Louisiana, wishing
4x, :.,Ao Al,o Eold cd