New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-09-22
The Art and Mystery Of Married Life.

When the novel reaches It's last chap
ter; when the wedding-day crowns the
happy story of love and courtship, then
begins for man and woman the real test
of what they are; then is thrown upon
their own hands the question of what
the future is to be. In a true marriage
the sweet season of romance that pre-
cedes the bridal day is but the harbinger
of better things to come. But the secret
is easily missed. 1t is missed oftenest
probably through the mans faClt. The
first and great lesson of marriage is that
the thought of another is to come be-
fore the thought of self. The rcveIa-
ton which true love makes is this: One
sees in another soul such beauty and
attractiveness that it's service is pre-
ferred to the service of self. No emotion
which lacks this high element deserves
to be called love. The desire of pos
session, the longing for intimate and
habitual companionship, these come in,
too, and make part. But higher than
these there is that complete and joyful
self-surrender in which II woman APP
pears so lovely to a man that to make
her happy becomes his strongest desire;
and a woman sees in a man such no.
bility that she can gladly devote her
life to him. That is the loftiness and
the rapture of true love.
The problem of married lifeis to MAIN
tain the nobility and elevation of this
early sentiment. The chief require
ment is simple enough. 1t is only, put
your wife or husband before yourself in
your thoughts and choices. 10 the wife
this lesson IS generally emphatically
spoken by the circumstances into which
marriage brings her. It gives her as
her chief business the making of home
for her husband and afterwards for her
children. The event of her day is his
return from work. Her work is to make
him comfortable and happy. His sat-
isfaction and appreciation are the stand
ard of her success OF failure. So she is
put at once into an outward relation of
service. Often there is a mingling of
hardship in that Before the wedding
day she was a queen; her will and wish
were law. Her lover made it his first
thought to please her. Nowit must be
her first thought to please him. His
main occupation lies no longer with her,
but with his daily work. He may be
ever so devoted and tender, but most
of his time and much of his thoughts
must now go elsewhere. Her great
business is his comfort and happiness;
his great business is something apart
from her. And he will never begin to
know all she does for him. His man
nish eyes miss half the little details of
work that go to carrying on a house.
hold in comfort. He will be some
what rare man if he ever fully compre-
hends the broad tact that her individual
life is merged in service to him. It is
the woman's lot to do more than she
gets credit for. The hearts wages for
work is appreciation and few wives get
full pay. II is when some sense of these
things breaks upon the woman in
the early months of her married
life that she stands face to face
as probably never before-with her
destiny. And what destiny offers her
is service. A hard gift to look upon at
first Declined or grudgingly taken it
will wound and bruise a lifetime
through. Bravely accepted it will tenn
per the whole life to celestial sweetness
1t is just here that the wife has the adj
vantage over the husband that outward
circumstances set straight before her
the lesson of sclf-renunciation and serv-
ice in the household, as they do not set
it before him. His face must turn
toward his daily work. There his best
energy is spent and vitality drained
When he comes home he wants rest.
He feels himself, in measure, off duty.
And here he gets the full comfort of Il
good wife, and the home that the good
wife makes. He is taken in and rested
and shielded from annoyance and en-
comprised by q hundred gentle minis
|. tries. Here he can forget the tolls of
his day, or renew them in a serener
light; finding here gladness for his
success and comfort for his failures
and appreciation where others have
misjudged him. Here body and soul
find refreshment and he is sent out a
new man for the morrow's struggle.
And if his wife is not allowed to give
him this. she is cheated as much as he
is. This is her happiness and reward;
this is what crowns her work. Yet this
resting time has it's danger. Who has
not known men who were spoiled by
the goodness of their wives? men who
allowed themselves to receive until they
utterly forgot to give? The more gen
erously and gladly wife gives the
more watchful should tho husband be
that he makes due return.
The foe Of married happiness is mat
tention. The real wrong to the wife,
the real failure of the husband is when
he becomes unconscious of what she is
doing for him, and what she is in her.
self. A man should every day see in
his wife the woman she is. Whatever
purity, sweetness, womanliness he once
saw in her, and thrilled at the sight of,
whatever fuller and richer growth the
years have brought, these things he
should see in her continually. Not a
mere part of the domestic machine
should she be to him; not even mere
comfort and convenience and pleasure to
self--her soul, in its full stature should
come home to his constant thought.
Whatever charm of face or manner, what
ever WOmanly grace, whatever quick
ness of thought or delicate sympathy,
would strike a strangers notice, ought
far better to be seen and priced by him,
her husband. 1t is little to say that
her face ought to be as beautiful each
day to his eyes as if they looked upon it
for the first time, it should be far more
beautiful because he has learned to see
through its windows the soul within.
And in the same way the wife should
look upon her husband. It is this true
yet tender regard which makes the right
atmosphere for the soul to ripen in.
Few things touch us SO deeply as to be
understood. But to be understood and
loved; to have the best that is in us
made full account Of; to know that our
faults, too, are open to that sweet and
gentle gaze; to long to be worthy of q
love SO pure and high that only our
highest ideal self can deserve it-what
other influence can SO strongly draw us
toward all noblest possibilities? This is
the work Of true marriage; to reveal
two souls to each other in their ideal
beauty, and then to bring that ideal to
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