The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-03-10
MARCH 10
VARIETIES.

read Of people being poor but hon.
est why don't they sometimes say
rich but honest ?"
1t very frequently happens that
the girl who has the most bang to
her hair, has the biggest holes in the
heels of her stockings.
After Texas jury had stood out
for ninety-six hours, the judge got
verdict out of them in two minutes
by sending them word that circus
had come to town.
An old lady says she never could
imagine where all the Smiths came
from until she saw in a New England
town large sign, 'Smith Manufac-
turing Company"
A christmas experiment. Mistress:
"Why, whatever is that smell, Jane?"
Jane: "Please, MN, the brandy got
spilled, and II done my best with
the pudden; but I'm afraid it don't
flare nice with paraffin p
The young hopeful is about to re-
tire for the night and his mother is
experimenting the devotions.
Mother IN ow, Johnny, begin God
grant" Johnny: Look a-hear, ma,
you don't come any of that Grant
business on me-"
Recently clergyman received a
pass, and wrote the superintendent
asking. eff he could embrace his wife
also ?" The superintendent replied
that he thought it likely he could
but heidi not want to say positive
until he had seen the wife.
It is very hard to live in this world,
and keep the tenderness, the purity
and trust of little child. Happy
are those who do; but if the petrity-
ing waters Of deceit and hate and
malace and ingratitude harden some
hearts, who shall wonder?
Mothers, while you are teaching
your boys to assist in the intricate
duties OF the household, impress
upon their minds also that the future
daughter-in-law must be a woman
not a brainless bundle Of frills, tucks,
pufs, frizzes and spit curls.
A little boy being asked by another
boy what he was doing now, replied,
II am cashier in a clothing store"
"You cashier !" said the other in
amazement. YES" said the little
chap, "that's what the clerks call me.
A hundred times day they boiler
'chashier." "Cash here !" was what
the clerks said.
General Horace Porter in his
speech at the New England dinner
said: GA philadelphia was i'll
Boston, and they were showing him
round. They always show people
around in Boston. He asked the
Boston man, "Why do you not lay
out Boston like Philadelphia ?" "lf
Boston," was the response, sever gets
to be as dead as Philadelphia, we'll
lay 1t out
Country practitioner Surprised at
the visit of notorious quack and
pill.vender): "Well What brings
you here ?" Quack evidently suffer
ing from disturbed peristaltic action):
"WelI, sir, the fact is, I feel rather
queer, and" Country practi-
toner: "Then why don't you take
one OF your Pearls of Health p"
Quack ''1'hat's just it, sir I think
I've swallowed one-by mistake
Punch.
Teacher (who is trying to explain
the meaning Of repentence): Suppose
a bad boy were to steal an orange,
and his good mother should catch
him with it, and take him by the
hand gently, and tell him how wicked
it is, and how very, very grieved she
was, don't you think now that the
little boy ought to feel sorry?" Sun.
day scholar: "Yessum." Teacher:
'And why, Marmaduke ?" Sunday
scholar because" Teacher: "Be.
cause what, Nanny ?" Sunday scholar:
"Cause he amt ct the or'nge befo'
his ma cotch him and tuck it away
fun him !"
When Naples was ruled by King
Bomba, his Majesty one dry payed
visit to the ship of an English Com
modore lying in the bay. While the
Commodore was receiving his royal
visitor on the quarter deck, mem.
Der OF the Neapolitan suite cruising
about midshlp mistook a wind sail for
pillar, and leaning against it sud-
denly went below head foremost.
The only witness OF the accident, an
old tar therannon made tor the omar.