Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1880-04-15
PostoRcs Rules.

Postmaster Gen. Key assures us
that an arrangement has been per.
fectsd By which letters without post
age will be Immediately forwarded
to the dead letter office.
A pair of onions will 60 for two
scents.
Parties are compelled to HEX their
own postage stamps and envelopes
the postmaster cannot be compelled
to do this.
Nitro glycerine and dynamite must
be forwarded at risk of sender. II
they should blow up in the postmas-
ter's hands he cannot be held re.
sponsible.
When letters are received bearing
no direction, the parties for whom
they are intended will please signify
the fact to the postmaster, that he
may at once forward.
A stamp of the foot is not suffi-
cient to carry letter.
Spring chickens that are old
enough to vote, when sent by mail,
should be enclosed in iron-bound
boxes to save their tender bodies
from injury.
1t is unsafe to mail apple or fruit
trees with the fruit on them, as some
of the Postmasters have q weakness
fer such things. Bottles OF whiskey
should be we'll corked
1t is earnestly requested that lovers
writing to their girls, will please con.
fine their gushing rhapsodies to the
inside of the envelope.
Ducks cannot be sent through the
mails, when alive. Their quacking
would disturb the slumbers of the
clerks on the postal cars. This
rule, however. does not apply to a
"duck" of bonnet.
When watches are sent through
the mails if the sender will put .
notice on the outside the Postmaster
will wind up and keep it in running
order.
Poems on Spring and Beautiful
Snow are rigidly excluded from the
mails. This will be joyful news to
the editors Of this land.
Old maids, feather beds, and in
fated balloons are unmailable.
John Smith gets his mail from
674,279 Postoffices, hence q letter
directed to John Smith, United
States. will reach him.
When candy is cent through the
mails it is earnestly requested that
both ends of the package be left open
so that the employees of the Post.
Office may test it's quality.
Babies can be sent as third class
matter provided sucking bottles and
napkins accompany them.
Eggs are not mailable unless they
are fresh; and should they become
chickens on transit they become the
property of the Post Office Dept.
When you enclose money in q
letter always write full and explicit
directions in the same letter, so that
any pereon can draw the money.
Alligators over ten feet ia ZENITH
are not allowed to be transmitted by
mail.
Young ladies who desire to send
their Saratoga Trunks BIZ mail to
watering places during the coming
season should notify tho Postmaster
General at once. They must not be
over seven feet long by thirteen feet
high.
Garlic, Onions, Asafoedita, Gum
Camphor, Switzer, Limburgsr, and
Sapsago sent through the mails
should be left open at the ends.
Butter and lard are mailable only in
the Summer months. Wrap them in
a fold of tissue paper open at both
ends, the butter must have all the
hair combed out of It.
When you enclose money to any
Of the parties on the official list of
frauds please say little prayer.
Letter carriers are required to have
penetration enough to know when
letters should be delivered to jealous
wives hence If he delivers letter
from your girl to your wife you can
have him discharged.
The placing of stamps upside
down on letters is prohibited. Sew
eral postmasters have recently been
seriously injured while trying to
stand on their heads to cancel stamps
placed in this manner.