The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-07-08
wit and Hullnof.

Wit and HumOf.
There isn't q vegetable that can Keteh-
upWith the tomato. ss5#S5
Railroads are built on three gauges: :
Broad gauge, narrow gauge, and mort
gage. 53sss 58
Sitting Bull has got almost far enough
advanced in spring Workto begin sowing
Go west young woman. The popula-
ton OF Arizona is in the proportion Of
one woman to four men.
leomargarine As She name they
give 10 q goat up among the shanties,
because it is a bad butter.
An Iowa woman put starch into her
husbands beer, thinking it was arsenic.
and was surprised because it didn't
stifen him. s'7.-#'
q religious contemporary tells Glow. to
make a congregation sing This Is
going to be a pretty difficult task, unless
crooked pin is placed on each seat in
the house.
The will of Mr.. Land, late Of Ken
tucky, leaves all his property to his wife,
again if she wants to- And yet people
sing about q land thae is fairer than this
My dear, you're as good as gold re-
marked Spilkins, as his little, daughter
rushed down stairs to greet him. sSAnd.
what's more, replied the youthful Ma
tlida, II rapidly coming down to par
Well. 4 swan, Billy said an old
farmer e to an understood nephew who
was visiting him, when you take of
that ere plug hat and spit two or three
times, there isn't much left Of you, il
thar ?" ~ Al
a few5days ago a, Norwich man bought
chest of tea in Providence, and on
opening it, found astone inside, weighing
nearly eleven pounds. He remarked
that the weighs of Providence are yery
mysterious.
It's human to doubt. Display.a SIGN
with the inscription Beware Of paint,
and nine men out of ten will draw their
foIefingers across the newly painted sur
face to see if the sign is not merely san
invention of the enemy" ' I
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in a photographers gallery.
their portraits being taken at the instant
that the concluding words Of the cere-
mony are spoken. The two alternatives
made negative, as it were.
z - 3
They are going to have an artificial
Niagara Falls at the Paris Exhibition;
but unless an American is charged fif.
teen dollars for looking at it, and has his
pocket picked by a hackman he will fail
to recognize it.
Whata beautiful example of simplicity
In dress is shown some of the followers
Of fashion by the domestic animal, the
cat, which rises in the morning washes
its face with its right hand, gives its
tail three jerks, and is ready dressed for
the day.
Suppose we pass a law said a severe
father to his daughters" that no girl
eighteen years old who. cannot cook
shall get married until she learns how
| to do it q Why, then, we'd all get
married at seventeen" responded the
girls in q sweet chorus.
Brown had benin love with a young
lady, and asked permission to call her
by the expressive name Of some animal,
which was granted on condition that
she should have the same privilege. On
leaving, Brown said, Good night, dear r.
sGood night, bore Y said she. III
Hard Labor Parish Lady: We can
not give aid unless we know more about
you. Where do you live? Girl At
home, mem. Parish Lady: What is
your father? Girl: workingrnan,
men, Parish Lady: Where does he
work Girl: He don't do.no work, mem,
please; he's on a strike.
There has been separation between
an uptown lover and his sweetheart.
She presented him with her photograph,
which he, on his Bonded knees, swore.
he would always wear next to his heart.
Last Sunday evening he pulled out his
handkerchief from his back pants
pocket, when 10! the photograph fell at
his lady's feet. She says he is either q
liar, or else his heart is not in the right
place.
Now is the time to put weather-strips
on the old mans gate so that it won't
creak or slam. Its getting warm enough
to stand outside now. Grease the front
stoop with hunk. Of pork. This will
give you a block start, and you can get
round the corner, turn quickly, pass bin
and have an extra half hour with her
while he's chasing some other fellow
who is running after car.
There is one consolation left when
winter is in full blast. A man can sleep
now as long as he pleases and not be
worried by such sounds as sHere ware,
termattuses, terpunkins, terpairs, ter
peaches! -Four sents er kerwart y"
A runaway bridal couple from Cleve-
land, Ohio, turned up at Louisville re-
Gently, penniless, and had to beg lodg-
ing The bride had paWned her ring
and both were in great distress, but full
Of pride. They said their trouble arose
from failure to receive money from the
groom's parents, who are wealthy
The Russian nobility are numerous.
and, as q class, by no means rich. Pre-
vious to emancipation, about twenty
years ago, land proprietor was not.
thought wealthy unless he possessed at
least five hundred serfs But only 3.SO3
proprietors had more than that number,
while A 900 had less than twenty-one.
Judge Yellotts acquittal on the charge
Of drunkenness, while on the Supreme
Court bench, in Baltimore, was wholly
on technical grounds Some Of the
counts in the Indictment were stricken
out because they related to intoxication
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