The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1880-06-11
Mark Twain Hears Telephone Con
vcrsatiOn.

versation-is one Of the solemnest
curiosites Of this modern life.
Yesterday I was writing deep article
on a sublime philosophical subject
while such conversation was going
on in the room. notice that one can
always write best when somebody is
talking through telephone close by.
Well, the thing began in this way.
member Of our household came in and
asked me TO have our house put into
communication with Mr.. Bagley's.
downtown. have observed. in many
cities. that the sex always shrink from
calling up the central Office themselves.
don't know why, but they do. So |
touched the bell. and this talk ensued:
Central Office (grufiiy)-" Hellor'
\ L." Is it the Central Officer
G. O.--"Of course il is. What do
you want?'
L." viii you switch me on to the
Bagley's. pleaseg'
c. o.. All right. just keep your
ear to the telephone"
Then heard k-ioot. k-look. Elook--
Hook klook- klo0k -look-iook then h0r-
rible "gritting Of teeth, and finally
piping female voice: 'Y-e-s?'
(Rising innection.) did you wish to
speak TO me?"
Without answering, / handed the
telephone to the applicant, and sat
down. Then followed the queerest OF
all the queer things in this world-a
conversation with only one end TO it.
You hear questions asked; you don't
hear the answer. You hear invita-
tons given; YOU hear no thanks in re-
turn. You have listening pauses of
dead silence, followed by apparently
irrelevant and unjustifiable exclama-
tons of glad surprise. or sorrow, or
dismay. You cant make head or tail
Of the talk, because YOU never bear
anything that the person at The other
end Of the wire says Well, | heard
the following remarkable series Of OBJ
servations, all from the one tongue,
and all shouted-for you can't ever
persuade the sex TO speak gently into a
telephones:
Yes? Why, how did that hap
penn"
Pause.
! "What did you say?"
Pause.
"Oh, no. don't think it was"
Pause.
NO! Oh, no, didn't mean that.
meant, put it in while it is still boiling,
, or just before it comes TO boil"
! Pause.
| "Whatr'
Pause.
IL turned it over with back stitch
/ on the selvage edge"
| Pause.
yes. I like that way, too; but
!. think it's better to haste it on witt
I Valenciennes or bombazine. OF some
! thing Of that sort Ii gives it such al
air--and attracts so much notice"
y Pause.
4 Its forty-ninth Deuteronomy, six
\ ty-fourth TO ninety-seventh, inclusive
' think we ought all TO read il often
Z Pause.
i perhaps so; generally use hair
PIN.
! Pause.
what did you sayP [Asidel Children
d do be quietr
Il Pause.
"Oh, b Flat, Dear me, thought 20
/ said it was the catr'
) Pause.
..Since Whenr'
a Pause.
n why, Inever heard Of it."
d Pause.
you astound me! 1t seems utterl
2 IMPOSSIBLE
e s'IVho did,"
Pause.
Goodness graciousr'
Pause.
..WelI what Is this world coming to
Was it right in church,
Pause.
h .And was her mother therc?'
al Pause.
n "Why. Mrs Bagley. should hay
a died Of humiliation What did the
d DOR
ID Long pause.
IS II can't be perfectly sure. because
ID haven't the notes by me; but think
h goes something like this: te-rolly-lol
re Toll. loll lolly-loll-loll, 0 tolly-loll-lol
l. lce-iy-h-i-doi And then repeat, yc
W know"
r. Pause.
X Eyes. l think il is very sweet--a
IN very solemn and impressive, If you 9
y, the andantino and pianissimo right
ne Pause
.Oh, gum-drops. gum-drops! But
ie never allow them TO eat striped cand
ar And Of course they can't till they &
nc their teeth. anyway"
IN Pause.
=, :. Hhatr'
IL Pause.
i. ..Oh, not in the least go right Q
n He's here writing II doesn't both
as him"
III Pause.
We .Oh, no, not at all; like to talk
In but I'm afraid I'm keeping you fro
n your affairs"
Us Pnise.
.Visitorsp'