Richland beacon., 1880-05-15
How a Married Woman Goes to Sleep.

1HcTc Is All dIIiCIc SoibS 'hO i""""S
entitled, "HOw Girls Go to Sleep
The manner in which they GO to sleep,
according to the article, can't hold
candle to the way married woman
goes to sleep. Instead of thinking of
what she should have attended to b fore
going to bed, she thinks of it afterward.
While she is revolving these matters in
her mind, and while snugly tucked in
bed, the old man is scratching his legs
in front of the fire, and wondering how
he will pay the next months rent. Sud
denly she says:
James, did you lock the dOor?'
(Which dOOrY'
"The cellar door," says she.
"NO," SAYS James.
"Well. you'd bettergo down and lock
it, for / heard some one in the back
yard last night"
Accordingly, James paddles down
stairs and locks the door. About the
time James returns and is going to get
into bed she remarks:
"Did you shut the stair door,"
"NO," says James.
"Well, if it is not shut the cat will
get up into the bed. ROOM"
"Let her come up. then" says James,
ill-naturedly.
"My goodness, no." returns the wife,
she'd suck the baby's BREATH"
Then James paddles down stairs
again, and steps on tack, and closes
the stair door, and curses the cat, and
returns to the bedroom. Just rs he
begins to climb into his couch his wife
observes:
II forgot to bring up some water.
suppose you bring some in the big tim"
And so James, with muttered curse,
goes down into the dark kitchen, and
falls over chair, and rasps all the tin
ware off the wall, in search of the
big" tin, and then he jerks the stair
door open and hOwls:
"Where the deuce are the matches:
She gives him minute directions where
to find the matches, and adds that she
would rather 60 and get the water her
self than have the neighborhOOd raised
about it. After which James finds the
matches, procures the water, comes up
stairs. and plunges into bed. Presently
his wife says:
flames, let's have an understanding
about money matters. Now, next week
I've got to pay
al don't know what you've got to pay
and don't care" shouts James, as he
lurches around and jams his face against
the wall "all want is to 60 to sleep
"That's all very we'll for you," snap:
his wife, as she pulls the covers vicious
iy, "you never think Of the worry and
trouble | have. And there's Aramenta
who believe is taking the measles"
"Let her take 'em," says James, stick
ing his legs out as straight as two ram
rods
"It seems to me you nave no sense OF
feeling" whines his wife, "and if you
mad any respect for me you wouldn't eat
onions before you come to bed. The
atmosphere of the room from the smell
of onions is horrid."
"Well, 60 down and sleep in the
kitchen, then, and let me alone, say'
James.
HereupOn she begins to cry softly, but
about the time James Is falling into s
gentle dozS she punches him in the rib
with her elbow, and says:
"Did you hear that scandal abou
Mrs. JonesT
What Jones?" says James, sleepi'y
"Why, Mrs. Jones"
Where?" inquiries James.
"I declare" says his wife, You ar
getting more stupid every day. Yo,
know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. 2l
Well, day before yesterday, Susal
Smith told Mrs. Thompson that San
Baker had said that Mrs. Jones had"-
Here she pauses and listens. Jane
is snoring in profound sluMber. Wit
, a sort of rage she pulls all the covers o
him. wraps herself up in them and lay
, awake until 2 a. m, thinking how bad
ly abused she is. And that is the wa
| a married woman goes to sleep.