The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-02-12
Citizen Salad.

icy, 1olIey, aOleu! In OGner words,
FAREWELL
The American employs just forty
one lines of BREWER type to convey
the startling information that the
democratic candidate for the presi
dency who can get the most votes
will be the successful man.
Mr.. James Gordon Bennett, of
the New York Herald. has contrib
uted 100000 to the starving poor
of Ireland. His example is worthy
of imitation by every journalist In
America. But the trouble is, every
editor cannot afford to be as liberal.
1t would bother US to give halt the
amount.
Valentines Day comes ON the
l4th of the present month as usual
Why Cupid, who is represented as
nude youngster, without even a
neck tie to protect him from the
wintry blast, should be forced to
do double duty in one of the cold
est months OF the year is something
we cannot understand.
my Dear" said a Giles coun-
! W wife to her amiable but un
intellectual husband as he nodded
over the CITIZEN; 81 want Bobby
to take cslisthenics." "Calistheh
les, thunderw calculated her dis
0runtled lord, "why, Bobby is as
healthy a boy as there is in the
county, and I'll be hanged if drop
of calIsthenics, or any other medi-
cine, goes down his throat if l can
prevent it,"
We note the arrival in Pulaski
of Mr.. William H. Wade, of Lau-
derdale county, Ala, the author of
a book entitled, "a Solution of Rev.
elation," in which he grapples with
the Book of that name in a manner
entirely satisfactory to himself. He
is also recommending another work,
called "Seven Thunders," which re-
tails at 81 so, or a fraction over 81
cents per Thunder. This seems To-
be cheap enough for thunder at
this season of the year.
King John, of Abysinnia, is o
pious monarch and his mode OF
converting people to the Christian
religion is as novel as it is ingeni-
Gus and convincing. He pours boil
ing tallow into the ears of the stub
born and they are tractable enough
after that. This proceeding seems
little strange over here, but il
strikes US as being quite as humane
as the course pursued by some
preachers who pour tedious
sermons into the ears of their helps
less congregations. OF the two
methods, we believe King Johns is
the most agreeable.
In New York, at this period OF
the nations history, 1t costs a rail
way company $4,000 to kill q
small boy. This shows how luxu
ries have advanced in price under
the benign influence of John Sher
mans resumption policy. A few
years ago, when values were unset
tied, small boys were run over by
the cars and parents congratulated
themselves if their remains were
carted home in a wheelbarrow free
of charge. Now is the time to utll
ize small boys. Parents, do your
duty the little fellow:
to play around the depot.
Henry Ward Beecher, as he grows
older, manitests lively dread o.
the hereafter, quite in keeping with
the life he as led. When hoary.
headed hypocrite feels the earth
giving way beneath his feet and the
hot air from below playing around
his shins, it is quite natural that he
should employ all the forces OF his
reason to argue hell out of exists
ence. Thus we find Henry Ward
giving utterance to suck nonsense
as the following: III l thought that
n God stood at the door where men
go out of lite to strike them down
to an eteI nal hell, my soul would
cry out. Let there be no God!"
Henry's soul may cry out until it is
hoarse, but 1t will come i'll contact
with the caloric for all that.
Perhaps one of the most odious
creatures in congress is Omar d.
Conger, OF Michigan. He is little
ts.llow-faceo, splay footed person,
with an expression of counteIance
which seems TO indicate the constant
presence of rank and offensive odors
Immediately under his nose.
Whether these are the fumes of his
undershirt escaping through loose
collar two sizes too large for him.
or the odor of his socks stealing up
his pantaloons and under his vest
until they form a close and un-
broken connection with his nasal
appendage, is a question that has
never heen fully determined, but it
is thought that something of the
sort is responsible for the nauseous
look smeared over his ugly mug.
Conger imagines himself TO be a
quart bottle of champagne, when he
is really one-ounce vial of dirty
ditch water. He claims to be a wit
and strange to say has achieved
some reputation in that line on the
strength of one joke his grandfather
heard at a circus. In ali other re-
spects he is an ass of le purest Iay
serene, and the south has reason to
congratulate herself on having in
CURED his deadly hatred, for his
friendship would destroy the claim
TO respectability, or common de
cency even, of the fairest section
that Gods sunlight ever rested
upon.
A singular disease has made its
appearance in the North-that ia
vored abode of stiff backed loyalty
and brass mounted piety. 1t is
called "The Kissing Mania" and,
strange to say, it is raging almost
exclusively among the clergymen.
These holy men of God appear to
be endowed with the power of com
municating the Malay to the fe
male members of their flock, and,
wonderful to relate, the pious sisters
of all degrees, from the buxom dame
in her parlor, or the rosy checked
damsel in her boudoir, to the
slouchy chambermaid in the garnet,
o. the greasy cook in the kitcb
en-, quicker their lips and plead for