, 1880-07-12
Wit and HumOr .
Queen Victoria owns up to 81.

VueoA VlctOt'A Owls up TO OIL.
The bestes Ssor poverty is frequently
sine-cure. II
A lying tongue is bad enough, but
false teeth are worse.
The'key to the death of Socrates was
found in the hemlock.
Docs = fish become musical when a
knife runs up and down his scales?
Although I do adore bang" said
lady, " detest to hear any one bang
door,"
It is wrong for young men to chaff
their seniors, for what is bad-in-age is
worse in youth.
A man may be lantern -jawed. yet it
would not be right to say that he is of
necessity also ightheaded.
81 could live on musicl" exclaimed
young lady. Yes. Kate; on note
meal, I Isuppose," remarked her brother.
ga mans deeds will live after him."
said a clergyman to lawyer. "Yes.
and SO will his mortgages was the re-
ply.
A lazy boy complaining tina! his bed
was too short, his father sternly said:
That is because you are always too
long in it."
A medical student says he has never
been able to discover the bone of con-
tention, and desires to know if it is not
the jaw-bone.
Many professional people are now
complaining of the badness of the
times, but none look so much down in
the mouth as the dentists.
Jones says it isn't the color of her
hair that troubles him in choosing a
helpmate. The color of her money is
what interests him vastly more.
A good wife is crown unto her hus-
band. That is sweetly true; yet there
are some husbands about who would
like to take it out in little change"
"The difference" said the cook. "be-
tween child of royal birth and young
lamb is that the first is tended in splen-
dor and the other is splendid n ten
DER"
A BASE BALL CONUNDRUM.-What
was the first instance of a man going
out on foul? Sinbad's riding out of
the oriental valley on the roc-the big
gest fowl on record.
A tremendous explosion recently oc-
Cured in hall in Cincinnati in which
over two thousand people were assem-
bled, but no one was hurt. It was an
explosion of laughter.
A correspondent thinks cit would mt
take much of meteoroiogist to give
the mean temperature for the last
month or SO, because it's been so mean
he couldn't help hitting it."
A gentleman seeing man splitting to-
bacco-juice on the floor of the waiting
room at a railway station, nodded to-
wards him, and quietly remarked: "He
can't expectorate as gentleman"
An old lady, hearing that man who
was working on the model of machine
for which he intended to get patent
''had filed his caveat," exclaimed:
"Well, I do declare! What kind of
tool is a caveat, I should like to
knowr'
1t is said that Georgian who recent
ly went all the way from Cassville to
Atlanta looked unusually solemn on his
return, and on being asked what was
the matter, gravely said: .If the
worlds as big t'other way as it is that,
it's whopper."
"Now," said the examining physician
to the unhappy pilot, "you must pick
out all the reds you see." The pilot
commenced by grasping the learned
professors nose, which was worsted.
'That will do" said the professor;
"your certificate is ready"
Sc Is this my train ?" asked traveller
at the Kansas Pacific depot, of lounger.
II don't know, but guess not," was
the doubtful reply. see it's got the
name of the railroad company on the
side, and expect it belongs to theta
Have you lost train anywhere?"
Ugh HART.-The slang of art talk
has reached the young men in the fur
niture warehouses. A friend of q
writer in one of the monthly magazines
was recommended sideboard the other
day as not being a Chippendale, but
having Chippendale feeling in it.;
A lawyer, entering the office of his
family physician, said, in hearse whis-
per: Doctor, I've got such cold
this morning that I can't speak the
TRUTH" I'm glad it isn't anything
that will interfere with your business, v
responded the doctor, in tone of sym
pathy.
An old juuge of the New York Su-
preme Court, meeting friend in q
neig hboring village, exclaimed, 4" Why!
what are you doing here?'' "I'm at
| work irving to make an honast lixino -