Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-04-07
FUNNYGRAPHS.

Puck.
A CRATE humbug-turnip disguised as
horse radish.
A TRAMP called his shoes "corpora-
tlons, because they had no soles.
VOTERS should remember that the big
gist poll knocks the most persimmons.
Yonkers Statesman.
A FAMILIAR instance of color blindnes
is that of a man taking brown silk UNI
brella and leaving green gingham in its
place.
A FAMILIAR instance of color blindness
| is that of man taking brown silk UNI
brella and leaving green bingham In it's
place.
IT is said that when Gen. Sherman
goes to ball he kisses all the misses and
never misses kiss. Or words to that
effect.
THE man with the shabby overcoat is
the first to complain of the heat of the
northward soaring sun.-Bostoa Tran
script.
"WBAT on earth takes you off to the
stable so earl y every morning lately ?"
asked woman of her husband. "Curry
hossity"
You can always tell clerk in dry
goods store from the millionaire pro-
prietor, by the good clothes the clerk
wears.-Steubenvile Herald.
WHEN the big elephants heard that q
baby elephant had been born unto Phil
delphia, they all went off on big trunk,
Commercial advertiser.
TRYING to do business without adj
vertising is like winking at girl in the
dark. You may know what you are do
ing, but nobody else does.
WE suggest that everybody drop the
discussion of the Gem puzzle and try
and find out why base viol players are
always fat. -Bridge0ort Sentinel.
"DoN'T be afraid said snob to a
German laborer; "sit down and make
yourself my eqnal." ct would half to
pillow my prains out" was the reply of
| the Teuton.
"SoPHoMoRE THE gentleman you
refer to-George Washington-may have
been great man, but we fail to find any
race-horse named after him, which is the
test of popular esteem out west.
The expression of boys face at the
end of straw that lacks two inches of
reaching the cider in the barrel is sup
posed to be the model that the artist
selected in the delineation of Adam
leaving Paradise. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
$50 you call it charity ball, do
you?" said the old gentleman, nodding
his head towards a lady whose corsage
was particularly brief. "Well, it re-
quires a good deal of charity to excuse
their style of dressing. "-NeaO York
| World.
| A Boston man went into q millinery
store in Atlanta and asked for night
shirt, and when he got back to his hotel
one eye was closed, two of his teeth
gone, and his hair looked like the stuff
ing of an old chair.-Detroit Free
Press.
A FRENCH physician has published a
pamphlet showing the terrible " effects
of smoking on the heart" But we have
known more terrible effects to be pro-
duced on the heart IN five minutes by
little maiden in calico dress than by
twenty years of steady and uutiring devo-
ton to the weed.-COnanaercia Id
Uertiser.
ASTRONOMERS say that the planet Nep-
tune is so far from the earth that If Adam
and Eve had from the first day Of their
existence started on a railroad train and
travelled steadily, day and night, at the
rate of thirty miles an hour, toward
Neptune, they would by this time have
traYersed only little more than half the
distance to the vaporous orb. The hui
man race is. therefore, to be congratu-
lated upon the fact that Adam and Eve
did not undertake any such foolish trip.
Rome Sentinel.
A SOMEWHAT dignifed resident of Vir-
ginia City entered barber-shop, which
was full of men. and the boss barber
greeted him with: "Hullo, Charley"
81 always like to come III here" said
the dignifed res dent, blandly; there's
only one person in the city who calls me
Charley besides yourself, and that's
my wife. If you'd only call me dear
Charley now, it would make me feel
even more at home. [ don't happen to
know your first name, my friend, but its
real kind of you to call me by mine"
The barber said no mere
The inscrutable beings known as
'sboys, says the Hour, are proverbially
more quick witted than men in getting
out of scrape. A lad was being cate
cn1zed Dy MS pastor, ana nad Ine ques-
ton put to him as to the number of
things necessary in the rite of baptism.
He replied, "Three" "Stupid boy!"
exclaims the holy man, everybody
knows that there are only two-the
Prayer Book and the water. What do
you mean by three?" The boys prompt
answer came in the form of the question:
"And how about the baby?"
A DRAMA in Real Life: Scene, Smok-
ing room of the Rally Club. Time,
midnight. Dramatis Persona: Brown
and Robinson. Brown "a happy bach
elor): "Wai-taw! Another of those six
penny cigars, and just one more-as
before, you know. Yes, Robin
sou, as I was saying, truly shocking
state of affairs that over in Russia.
Terrible fellows, those Nihilsts. The
poor czar, why, it's bad enough to be
shot at in the street, but, by Jove, you