The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-03-27
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Out Of seasonAu empty pepper box
A coal.b black chargcI--A negro entry clerk.
All shop.kecpcrs believe in signs.
A bar that Industrious men do not hesitate to
patronize--The crow-bar.
The most difficult thing 10 raise on the farm Is
the hired man who sleeps in the kitchen loft,
Recipe for making your own WATERSHEDS
your finger in it.
The court. have decided that railroad ticket
Is good until used This is not true Of eggs.
Al might dynamite not" is the constant
thought OF the unhappy Car, according to the
Paterson Press.
There Is a Latin term for cod liver oil, but none
for the taste I'll IT, The Latin races were not well
mp In profanity.
The world /. full OF compensations. The more
prices 90 mp the more we have to come down for
everything.
Day broke this morning, but arrangements for
. compromise haYe been effected and IL will re
sumo business to morrow.
Many a man will confess to chills and fever
who will not acknowledge that his mothern'
Law has arrived for her animal six weeks visit
Mount Ycauyius is troubled with eruptions,
and they don't know what TO do with the crater.
--Er. Soud it 10 the hot springs for good wash.
Mother, may 20 play ifteens
No, no, my darling daughter;
Its the biggest fraud that ever was seen
Go draw the washing water.
The London Truth advises people to die rather
than have their lives saved by the use OF gin or
ether spiritucus liquor.
An exchange praises very large egg which it
tays was laid on our table by the Rev DR..
Smith" Brother Smith seems TO be a layman a.
well preacher. HtsHt.
The darky's hour lie just befor the dawn"
remarked Ssmbo when he started out before day
break to steal young chicken for breakfast.
When they proposed to fire thirteen guns at
Utica a few weeks ago In Conkling's honor, he
said he had no objection If Sprague had moth
ing to do with the shooting.
Henry Ward Beccher seems to be unatic with
lucid intervals He rays Grant Is his first choice for
the presidency and Bayard OF Delaware his see
Ond choice
He kissed the tips OF his fingers
At girl across the street,
Aud the boot Of her big brother
Raised him Off his feet.
There il no truth to the story that when Sena-
tor Blaine IL too busy to attend prayer meeting,
he sends substitute or that he has = substitute
On duty keeping Lent for him.
Loves prismatic hues-
Mss Green did wed young Mr.. Brown
really gallant Teller
And the result, SO we're informed,
Is now little ycllcr.
wife (On the rivers bank -" Goodness, the
zee has broken up, and there goes William Hen
iy without one cent OF insurance to cover his
loss "-i'uck.
Here. ik," exclaimed an American trav.
|ler recently at st. Petersburg: Invited TO
dine with the Car aud not a cent of insurance
on my life"
Ayoung lady OF Wisconsin attempted to Jump
from train which did not stop at her station
and she went through Il sash In the depot and
regsined her feet without a hurt. There's n
light in the window for YOU" she exclaimed.
He said he had wrought out the i3--l5--l4 puz.
ale, when quiet.looking individual remarked,
stranger, suspect you did 1t, II ysu say 80
But II | were In your place l should feel kind o.
proud, OF my abilities as a frst.rato liar"
Fairbury, Livingston cou1ty, has a case of
"seloroderma'-a little boys flesh turning "A
lard as wood The child does not suffer at all In
TACT the disease docs not produce pain. In Ottawa
transformations checks are quite common.
An eastern paper having remarked that when
The Leadvie people 20 to church and hear .
good prayer they encore the preacher, 4 Denver
paper remarks that 'the statement Ia safe to en-.
dorse, a. we have yet to hear Of the Lesdvillisns
goirg TO chsrch."
victoria Woodruff says she has been silent for
Two yesrs by the advice OF her physician; and
We should who0p for that doctor IL we didn't
suspect ths announcement was made to arouse
peoples curiosity to see him, so he can make 4
profitable lecture tour
a Cincinnati exchange saws; 1.-THE secret of
fashionable dressing is to surprise" IT'S, Ell
Then II girl appears at party In suit OF India
ruoDer with coWhde boots and necklace Of old
Ink bottles she's fashionably dressed, according
10 the Cincinnati idea. Boston Post
Two Boston women OF culture" came across
an old fashioned milestone in the suburbs One
read the inscription, 81 m. from Boston, !" and
the other said: Here Ia grave, perhaps Of some
young girl, who wished II written on her tomb |
stone, I'm from Boston How simple and suf. |
goient"
st. Louis bsr-kceper stuek a split cork on
The nose OF sleeping hummer, stuck into II |
number OF lighted matches, and rolled In the
sawsust with delight at the terror OF tho awak.
sned victim. The diversion cost only dollar, |
that being the hnc imposed on the joker by po-
lice justice
sleeping potion;
X Aqua pura, hottlssima 3przm
lemons haturae 3 slcz
Sugar. loferis Isnnn6
spriritus frumenti optimus 4 fnpry
brechons.-To be absorbed per labial orliicc |
unns every noctem ante going TO somnum.
Breathes there man with soul SO dead,
Who never 10 his wife hath said
When ahO has laid har l;,tt. ho.x