St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-09-24
SQuibs.

the cake she had baked for picnic out
of doors one cold night to be frosted.
What is the difference between a fix
ed star and a meteor7 One is a sun,
the other darter.
1t was Windham wife who, when
her husband was brought home intoxi-
Gated, thanked God that he was not
blood relation.
George Peck of Milwaukee went to
Chicago during the conclave, and fell
in love with the Sir Knights hats. He
says that ''next to the bearskin of q
drum major, the chapeau of a Knight
Templar is the grandest head gear in
the world. 1t is made after the pattern
of an inverted ceal scuttle that has been
sat down on sidewise by fat man, and
the top of it is covered with spring mil
linery. A commandery looks as though
a millinery shop had exploded"
An exchange says that Pennsylvania
Dutch girls make good preserves. Now
don't you go pOaching around these
preserves, young man, or you may get
bundled if not bounced [Nycum Ad-
vertiser.
And now the seaside hotel keeper sits
down and counts his gains, and medita-
lively says to himself: sis 275 per
cent. profit enough to warrant me in
running the old shebang another year,
or shall we have a terrible conflagra-
ton in November7 1 guess I'll con-
flag"
The peach crop is nearly ruined, yet
a portion of it will be preserved New
Orleans Picayune.
This is the season when the golden
rod is somewhat more popular than the
golden rule.-[Danbury News.
"TIid you find Mr.. Spriggins, Pat
rick ?" 81 did, SURF" "Wbat did he
say ?" "Niver worrud, SURF" "Not
a word Not word 2 Why not, Pat
rick 2" because he was out, SURF
Out? l thought you said you found
him." 81 did, surr; l found him out"
"Who was it that said it is not good
for man to be alone 2" asked Sunday
school teacher of his class. A bright
boy answered, Daniel, sir, when he
was in the lions den."
"Oh, hop said the mistress, "what is
the soldier doing here in the kitchen,
Gretchen 2" "Well, ma'am,n was the
reply, che is only here just to see that
nothing happened to me when Pm
alone, that is all.n
Even the wisest is sometimes a fool.
For example, the philosopher who wore
his spectacles when asleep that he
might recognize the friends he might
see in his dreams.
A backwoods preacher once elucida-
ted us follows in connection with the
parable of the virgins: In ancient times,
my beloved hearers, it was the custom,
after couple had been married, for 10
virgins to go out with lighted lamps
aud meet 'em on the way home, five of
these virgins being males and five fe-
males Buffalo Express.
A baker, whose loaves had been
growing 'small 10y degrees and beauti-
fully less" when going his round to
serve his customers, stopped at the door
of one and knocked, when the lady
within exclaimed, "Who's there ?" and
was answered, "The baker," "What
do you want ?" "To leave your bread.n
"Well, you needn't make such a fuss
about it-put it through the keyhole,"
was the reply.
A generous impulse does man good,
but it is sometimes so checked by ad-
verse circumstances, that, like a frost
nipped bud, it refuses to blossom. A
gentleman, who had grown tired of
suit of clothes, said to his valet .
John, have great mind to give you
this suit; suppose you try it on, and
see if it will fit" John replied in Ian
guage not propitious to the further ex-
hibition of generous impulses, II am
sure it will fit me, sir; for l tried it on
the other night and wore it to the cir
cus.n
A doctor being out for days shoot
ing, took an errand boy to carry the
game bag. Entering a field of turnips,
the dog pointed, and the boy, overjOy-
ed at the prospect of his masters sue
cess, exclaimed, "Lor, master, there's a
cOvey if you get near 'em won't Won
physic 'em 2" ''Physic 'em, you young
rascal, what do you mean ~ said the
doctor. "Why, kill 'em, to be sure, y
said the lad.
| Here is another straw. A man who
went through an excursion train of 900
passengers taking a presidential vote.
didn't find single Hancock man. p,
5. He didn't find Garfield man
either, for the first person he accosted
knocked him down, and dozen others
wiped up the floor with him and wedged
him so fast under seat that all the
passengers escaped before he could re-
lease himself. He has declared himself
In favor of the anti Masonic candidate.
his treatment in the car having made
him dead opposed to grips. He wa,
gTlIpped too mueh.-[Norristown Her.