The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-03-21
A BOON TO MARRIED MEN.
An Ingenious Invention Which Saves Many
Curtain Lectures.
fCtncinnati Euauirer,1


day. Even Edison has been surpassed by
genius who has invented what is called a
Married Mans Indicator" 1t Is wonder
fully sensitive arrangement OF the ordinary
Thermometer, In convenient pocket size, and
is graded to q scale Of caballstic marks,
which show the exact state OF the domestic
atmosphere at any hour Of the night. The
hard-worked and belated husband arrives
home, say ut midnight. He takes out his
leaves il there for a few seconds Pulling il
out quickly, he scans the dial by the moon
lights fitful cleaning. IL It marks -. A"
(sonld asleep the poor husband pulls OF his
boot8 noiselessly, uses his nlRht-key with
bated breath, gives the door quick shove
to keep 1t from creaklng, steals tremblinEly
to bed, and when his dear little wiley wakes
up about two seconds aiterward and wants
to know how long he has been home, he is 50
sound asleep that Gabriel's trumpet couldn't
II the Indicator scores "a. A.. g. Is. D. X.
w. r." awake awful cross, but does not know
what time 1t is), the husband puts few more
grains Of coffee In his mouth; opens the door t.o
his foot Intentionally against chair; wants
to know why the devil the chairs amt kept
out OF the way; gets desperately mad on gen.
eral principles; scares his wife clear out OF
her crossness and intended curtain-lecture !;
refuses to let her get up and strike match
never did like light at night, nohow; re-
marks gruflly In response to tlmid inquiry
that tits about twenty-five minutes past 10, =
and then turns into bed In such an apparent
ly awful state OF mind that the wife OF his
bosom is afraid to speak to him--at which he
Ia very sad, Of course.
There are numerous other marks on the in
dicator. showing just where It will do to
or "been standing on the corner talking with
so-and-so for more than an hour" or "Ren-
eral or honorable this or that from you know
where, was In town, and had to go away on
the 2 o'clock train, and he insisted 80 strongly
that the whole party stayed up to see him
did 1t through courtesy"
But the most awfully awful Of all the cab
alistic signs on the dial Ia the one at the top,
about two marks above boiling point. When
the weary husband comes home about q. m.
from the direction OF the butcher shop, with q
roll OF meat held high In the air, so that every
one he passes cannot fall to see 1t, and sticks
the indicator" In the keyhole,. he Is almost
reads 1t by the faint light streaming In
upon him from the eastern hills. and sweat
breaks out on his noble brow In drops az large
as walnuts, as he sees the bulb Of the indfca-
tor jammed smack up against "R. II. y. II. w
F. Y. J. I. T. D." (red. hot and still q heating
and waiting for you just inside the door, The
inventor OF the instrument says that when
this terrible misfortune overtakes man he
feels that there Is nothing left In this world
worth living for, and appreciates thefull force
Of those beautiful lines:
This world Is all a leeting show.
For mans delusion given"
He slings the meat out into the yard, and
braces himself for the coming fray, but says
nothing, for nothing can be said. Be he ever
so gifted q liar, HE accomplishment Is more
than valueless. No lodge, no sick friend, nc
talking on the corner, no sitting up to see the
1t again-in fact, nothing will avail. 1t Is an
absolutely indefensible case. He Is caught In
Gagrante delicto. Even the CHASTITY gayety
with which. two hours previous, he had Said
to the boys that he guessed he'd see 1t out
now-might as we'll be killed for q sheep as q
lamb"-had all vanished. The indicator hay
ing told him the exact situation OF things ht
knows just what to do. and that is nothing
but get into bed at once and wrap the drapery
Of his couch about him, pull the pillow over
| his ears, and wait for his wife's breath to give
out. It's awful while 1t lasts, but it has ite
use In relieving the unfortunate husbands
mind of part OF Its load.
The indicator Is q great invention, and NO
family should be without one. For sale at al
stores where they are kept.