The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-12-02
WIT AND HUM0R.

A cruel husband calls his Wife
"green fruit" because she never agree.
with him. 81 uis,f'. = - d s;It lr1'
The fewer. feathers woman has il
her, bonnet in this world, the more
she will have OH her wings in the
next. $50.
} By nearly a unanimous. vote, the
I women of this country have decided
that the two best bands are hus- band
and a band box. eiHe4S 'fs% @
Why is miscr like q man with a
short memory? Because he is always
for getting. -si-la- a.i ssgr.-
How does q sailor know there is q
man in the moon? Because lie has
been out to sea (See.)
Why is a fool in high station like
man in balloon? Because every
body appears little to him, and he ap-
pears little to crybody. -.
1t is beautiful dispensation Of ma
tIIre that ice-crcam and watermelons
were made to grow in the Summer in-
stead of Winter. Similarly we find
hot buckwheat cakes and oyster stcws
ION the vines in Winter. Things arc
nearer right in the world than the
grumblcrs imagine. ssI3i- .~ag r.
A young man sent twenty-five cents
to New York firm for the purpose
of learning show to get along without
a blottcr in writing" and received this
reply, Write with lead pencil" -
A shrcwd rascal advertises ma
chine that "will add up column a
foot. longs" in six seconds. He sends
n piece OF chalk with directions to use
it on II barn door or other surface big
enough to hold figures foot long.
20 Speaking ola new mosquito netting
Mark Twain writes: "Thc day is
coming when we shall sit under our
nets in church ami slulnbcr peacefully,
while the discounted flies club to-
gethcIsand take it out y. the minis
ter" .s...-.-..,. .. -Fs
The Rev. M. W paid his deyoirs
to q lady who was preposscsscd in ia
vor of a Mr.. Psalter. Her partiality
being very evident, the former took
occasion to ask, in a room full of COM
pany, pray, miss, how far have you
got in your Psalter?' The lady archly
replied, "As far as blessed is the
mani" z-
4. The people of New Hampshire
town are SO fearfully lazy that when
tile wifo of a minister who had just
settled in that town asked a spromi-.
ncnt citizen if the inhabitants general
ly respected the Sabbath and refrain
cd from business, replied "COnfound
it, nla';in, they don't do enough work
in a whole week TO break the Sabbath,
if it was all done on that days" asn-
I have, during nv wanderings, met
many people who wanted to live in u
star; where earth born people with
animal appetites could not trouble
them, ana always found the safest
place for ali earthborh man, when the
star born soul started for the dinner
table, was behind a large rock. Dis.
trust the aspiring mortal who lives
in a plane so elevated that he requires
the use OF telescope when he wants
to look down ut the rest Of US. And
if lie ever wants board at your humble
table, charge him $l5 a week and feed
him lots of soup.-.S.oataa. .s.t .5s :.
A flock of girls is called bevy;
bcvy of wolves a pack; a pack of
thieves a gang; gang of angels
host a host OF porpoiscs u shoul;
sLoal of buffaloes u herd q herd Of
children troop "a troop OF partridges
a covcy o covey OF beauties a galaxy
q ga .axy of rutfians horde; a horde
OF rubbish q hcap;a heap of oxen a
drove a drove of blackguards mob
n mob of whales a school; o school OF
worshippers a congregation; con-
gregation of engineers corps;a a corps
of robbers band /; band of locusts
swarm, and a swarm of people is call
ell crowd.