St. Landry democrat., 1880-11-20
Bassil0f's Assistant.
THE TROUBLES or \ JOURNALIST.

Colonel Bagsl,ot runs a weekly news
paper called the Union up in Chodunk.
The colonel was called away 10 New
York on business, leaving the Union in
the hands OF an assistant who had been
i'll his employ some little time.
Now the colonel knew that the said
assistant had the check of Il brass statue
and the audacity Of a New England fly,
| both Indispensable attributes to the
newspaper man; but still after being in
the city about a week ne began to grow
uneasy, and telegraphed to Chodunk,
How thinss?''
Back came the answer from the Tn
! ions whilom editor Bully Circula-
ton of the Old thing gone up a thou
! sand. Been getting up red hot paper,
and there's gang outside that are
weeping because they can't knock the
shingles Off the roof and knock the
whole concern to thunder. Stay away
as long as you like
Bagslot didn't waste moment after
receiving tins encoura ging dlspa tcl He
started home III the first train. and
reached Chodunk before night. The
first man that struck him was the ticket
agent.
Look here, colonel" be cried eN-
citediy I've darDed good notion to
punch your head, You brazon- faced Old
| liarn
why? ," asked BugsIot.
Read that :" and the ticket-agent
showed n crumpled Union into his hand.
There was paragraph as follows:
RAILROAD NEws.-The bandy-lesged
! idiot who robs the railroad company at
/ this village has purchased pocket
knife, More knocking down from the
cash drawer.
Bagshot bit his lips.
"Bill, said he, that's Il calumny, aud
| III see 1t ilghted in our next. lis my
! cussed assistants work"
II don't care whose work it is,'
groWled the agent, "butif it amt con-
tradicted, somebody's got to die; that's
ALL"
Bagshot didn't reirly, but sailed down
the street to the Juion office. He had
not gone half block before he collided
with Deacon Marsh.
The deacon seized him by the shoul-
der and exclaimed, "What do you mean,
| Bagshot by inserting that scandalcuslv
untrue item about NE ?"
| Didn't iuselt any item" replied the
| colonel.
Don't sneak out of it that way. You
know you did. Why, just cut it out
or the Union. Listen:
| RELIGIOUS INTELLIGENCE. - That
whlted sepulcher, Deacon Marsh was
noticed, last Saturday night, trying to
open the Goa l-llolc in trout of his resi-
dence with his nightkey. Tho deacon
was full as goat, and couldn't tell
moonSlllne from green cheese.
New, that's nice, aint it, saying that
was drunk Saturday night, when went
| n Il
ache p
| Its that reckless fool whom left in
charge" groaned the colonel. "I'll
make it all right, Marsh y and Bagshot
| sscurrled on again, only to be confronted
by Major Blim.
"'Colonel,r uttered Blim in his deep
est voice.. this is villainous It's my in
tentlon, sir, to call you out and shoot
you through the heart. What the deuce
90 you mean by publishing this note in
MILITARY JoTTINGs.-Major Blim.
! the tattered old beggar who hid in an
| oyster barrel during the battle of Bull
Kun, wears q wig. He ought to be shot
III the back with baked apple.
II cant help it Him." said B2.slot.
Wiping his forehead /; its al, owing to
tina, young devil III the office. He has
maze ca. red,hot paper. just wait Major
Hardly had he done so before young
| Cooley appeared.
Col. Bagshot,' announced he, "you
are lying scoundrel. This is a nice
thing to put in your blackguarl sheet
about young lady:
SOCIETY !TENs.-Miss Cooley, the old
hag on South street, Waltzes around in
a patent hustle in the hope of catching
a fellow. But she can't; not even il
she puts the paint on twice as thick as
she does now.
But Bagshot did't stop to hear it. He
flew across the square and into the Tn.
ion Office like flash.
No one was there. The able assistant
editor, warned by friends unknown had
busted forever. Lying on the desk was
a Union, folded so that this notice
caught Bagshot's eye:
LITERARY MEMs.-The bald headed
snipe who pretends to run this paper
has gone to New York. We expect tc
hear every moment of his sentence tc
Sing Sing for arson and highway rob
berry. The citizens of Cbodunk should
congratulate themselves il the Colone
does not disgrace his village by being
hung for infanticide.
Bagshot never intends to employ an
other assistant editor, and Journalist:
in search OF situation will find it heal
thy to keep away from him.