The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-02-18
EVERYDAY sPICERIEs.

EVERYDAY SPlCER1ESS
The best thing out is bad cigat'
Isn't it7
WASHINGTON is D. @. tful place.
Exchange. That's Capital joke.
IN the midst of life we are in daily
receipt of the Congressional Record.
A fEN-CENr ante is better than no re-
lation at all.
LEADvILLE is called a yot1ng town
because it's inhabitants are mostly
miners.
U1EoPATRA's NEEDLE is the only
needle that people show disposition
to sit down on.
IT'S the same with men as with eggs:
You can't tell whether they are good Oh
bad till they're broke.
LET our Indian policy be' Nothing
for Tribe Utes, but millions for de'
fense." - Whitehall Times
NEXT to a handkerchief, there is
nothing in the world that gets SO many
blows as 8 street lamp.
A DOLLAR is always in good quarters,
summer or winter. but hang the tWcr ~
cent pieces.
A POET sings, " The heart must beat
or die" 1t is precisely the same way
with tramp, you have noticed.-Rocb-
land Courier
POET" Do you want any of my
blank verseT' No, we don't want any
of your - verse;" says the editor.
Mr.. BYRON was once knocked up At
an uncomfortable hour in the morning
by friend. "Ah," he said, ga rose
two hours later would have been quite
as sweetI"
LIBERAL ENOUGH.-Rev. Stranger,
pointing to the Madison Avenue Garden
&c What church is that, my lad p
Newgboy-" Go-as-yOu-please church,
sir. Have paper P-Puck.
DOMESTIC economy in these days con
sists in growing about the price
-four at home, and because your friend
won't take "another one" while you are
down street.
A MAINE editor was paralyzed while
sitting in church last Sunday, and an
esteemed contemporary thinks the
novelty of the situation was too much
for him.
ORANGES sell on the streets of Lake
City, Florida, at from fifty cents to one
dollar per hundred. And alligatOrg,
snakes and such fruit can be had for
the asking.
THE following conversation took place
recently in hotel: Waiter P' Yes,
sir" "What's thisT'' "It's bean soup,
sir" No matter what it has been, the
question is-What is it noww
NJ aaRiuo
you wus twenty years ago, Tummas."
Tummas-" No, Ihaint, Willum; find
/ carnt run a score lately, but if Ony-
body asks me to ave drink, l jumps at
the hotter. Fun.
CAN you hold pretty girl on your
lap and not kiss her? Then you are
something more than human.-Hartf0rd
Sunday Journal. Send on your pretty
girls, if you want to behold super-human
efforts.-NeoO York NeoOs.
JOHN MoRRIssEY's widow says she
taught him all he ever knew, and when
we remember how many tricks he had
with that ugly left hand, one can't help
but admire the woman he left behind
him.-DetrOit Free Press.
WIFE Ito her husband, who is eating
a juicy roast with great relish) ," For
Heavens sake, we have forgotten that
this is a fast day" Husband (sulkily)
-" You might have waited at least till
I was through"
ELDER sister Ito little one who ap,
pears to take great interest in Mr..
Skibbons)-" Come, little pet, it is time
your eyes were shut in sleep" Little
pet-"I think not. Mother told me
to keep my eyes open when you and
Mr.. Skibbons were together.
WHEN you see young man in gor.
geous apparel walking about the street
with his arms hanging in curves from
his body like the wings of an Overheated
turkey on a summers day, it isn't be-
cause he is in pain. It is because he
has been "abroad," and that's the only
thing he learned.
EMERSON says man ought to carry
a pencil ard note down the thoughts OF
the moment. Yes, and one short pencil,
devoted exclusively to that use, would
last some men we know about TIVE thou
sand years, and then have the origin0
point n BnrlinGfOn H1nEeye
No language can express the power
and beauty and herOism and majesty of
a moUner's love. 1t shrinks not where
men cover, and grows stronger where
man faints, and over the wastes of
worldly fortune, sends the radiance of its
uenchless fidelity like star in heaven.
Miss JENNIE BURD1CK, the pretty
eighteen-year-old lass who several years
ago eloped with Russian naval officer
from San Francisco is now wearing
widows weeds at st. Petersburg. Her
husband left the navy, and died at a
French port while in charge of vessel
bound to the United States, where the
wife buried him and then returned to
the Russian capital.
THE teacher of class in natural his
tory gave out this question:: Which
is the meekest of all domestic animals?'
A young. miss, who had passed the
previous summer at Long Branch,
promptly answered: "The meekest domes-
tic animal is the mosquito, because if
you hit it on one cheek and don't kill
it, it comes back again and gives you a
chance to hit ii CO the other"
EDO not kick every one in your way"
is the ativi(e to young man given by
pne of cur exchanges. No, sonny, don't
kick every one in your way. 1t is best
to only kick a few-the little fellows
for intance; they can 6Esck back. Never
kick those big six-fo0Esrs with should
srs like brown stone front. 1t might
be dan gerOus. Pass them by in silent
,corn, and when you are far enough
AWAY, throw a brick at them.-DerricE,
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