davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
That's Il Fact.

.'rhat's fact said Mr. Hopkins as Ii,
laid down his paper the other evening.
every man, woman and child in the coun
Try ought TO know how to swim. No on,
can tell what minute he will be upset
blown up or knocked overheard. Amanda
In gong to learn you how to swim,''
Learn me-" qucried the wife "a sh,
paused in her sewing.
yes, you. Your life is very prcciou.
10 me, and don't want you to lose it be
cause you can't swim ashore when an acci
dcnt takes place. | can swim like duck
myself, and | feel guilty to think we've
peen married twcnty-one years and vet
you'd go to the bottom like a stone if Won
fell overheard"
'Why, never had the least fcar," she
replied. '"rhere is always some hero
around to rescue lady"
mo one wants to depend on heroes, Of
course, Ia jump into the water to save a
lady; but there arc lots of men who
wouldn't. Stand up, Amanda, and let me
give you The motions of swimming. Now
then, put your hands 80, push them for
ward so, take sweep aud bring them back
80. Sec how easy it's donc2 You musn 4
forget To kick every time you move your
arms" ''''
She went through the motions several
tinles, but so awkwardly that he called
Out
"That isn't the way! The motions
ought to be perfectly natural Now imagine
tnat you are out on All excursion"
eyes"
t,o",ins' "HM' 'o|;isSt |asSt " A. rail
"You suddenly grow dizzy and tumble
headlong into the river. Now what mo.
tions would you make as you rose to the
surface2 What would you do?
''Well, if hero jumped in after me I'd
lean my held on his shoulder like this and
let him put his right arm around my waist
and support Inc until help arrived"
''Hcro be-hangedl A hero would look
nice holding up one hundred and ninety
pounds, wouldn't hep"
"He'd look as NICE as you would! l
don't believe you could keep your head
above water to save your life."
81 couldn't, ell Then l won't learn
you single stroke about swimming!"
''Thcn you needn't |"
"And If any man ever jumps overheard
and rescues you I'll punch his head ~
And if you ever jump in after anybody
know I'll have to pay the funeral expnn,
ses out of my share of this propertyi"
Every WE'LL" said Alr. Hopkins as he
put on his coat, 81 see am not wanted
in my own house. If am not home TO-
night it won't do you any good to telephone
Inc at the office, for shall have the wire
grounded"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
His HOusSIlold Department.

ono day recently al editor was startled
Dy whole tornado of raps at hls sanctum
Of Indignant determination on her face, and
dish or pun under her arm.
''Arc you thc-the-party who said in
last weeks paper that salad dressing could
be improved by all ounce of cayenne and
some powdered borax?" said one.
IL I-suppose So" admitted the cdi-
tor.
ooh! you are, ch," said the woman,
displaying sticky green compound.
"Well, perhaps you'd like to finish this
lot. I've got four children home at the
point of death from it now"
'And you are the miserable II T. who
stated that the only way to clean sealskin
was to boil it in milk 2" screamed another,
holding up what appeared to be drowned
puppy. Look at that ~
'I-cr--nhem-really mumblcd the
wrctchcd journalist, ''the printer must
have mixed it up with tho broken china
itcm." .. ..'..
'And didn't you print recipe saying
that fow pinchcs Of coppcras gave rich
dark color to sponge cake9 My husband
has been throwing up steadily since the
day before yesterday morning!" sobbed
another, exhibiting what appeared to be
nunK OF StOne coal.
"Ycs," put in another ira!e dame, hold
ing up tattcred basque; "and you said
thut viLriol would take ink stains out OF
velvet. You disgusting old pirate!"
'I-I-think it must have been my as
slstant, CIipem," stammered the editor. 81
don't think I wrote anything for that issue
except leader on our "Accurscd Mono
polies.'
"That's too thin,' shrekcd another de-
vastatcd female, putting upa green vail
and displaying a parboilcd countcnancc.
"Ddn't you advise me, down at the mar
| kct, yesterday, to cut out your lnfallible
| Oriental recipe for taking out freckles2 1t
took 'cm out, and the skin with 'cm; and
the doctor says it Is two to one | never see
out of that eye again. There! You're well
come to what's leftl"
| And the half scalpcd victim broke Il bot
| tic on his nose, while the rest hammered
him over the head with assorted slabs Of
indigestion, built according to the Clean
ups specifications; rammcd unrisen dough
iu his mouth, and poured q coal tar, arse
nc and sulphur remedy for chicken pip
down the back Of his neck
When they were done, the moulder of
public opinion picked himself up hunted
for the forcman's mallet, smashed the stcreo-
type "Household Hints into forty thousand
bits, kicked tho devil downstairs, and went
out to trade special notice Oh the first page
for some courtplaster.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
THE MUTE MINSTREL.

The fskes fall white and fast and soft
In . noiseless whirl from the vault aloft ,",
Ana spread their mantle wide, and fair
on earth's brown breast through tho darkaned
alr
90 leit the rose-bush looks and wan,
Methinks her blooming is all undone,
Ano ieatiess trees bend ssd and low
oepesth their branches crown OF snow.
a robin paused in his flight too long
an MS frozen throat is a silent song;
Aho'nevermote shall his dead heart beat
with Its love Of the norlsnd true and sweet.
noothward Ills winged mates have flown.
Dnt this redbreast died at home alone.
through tho b,nded boughs you may dimly
see
A'bird Of snow In a cedar-.ree
MY itfo, dead bird, is the cedar-tree,
ana my heart In it's branches is dead like thee
Twas red as thy breast IN its love aud youtb
But the snowflake fell OH its trust and trutb I
When the singers HE them on happy wing
10 leafy arches in pomp Of spr.ng,
iheir merry carols may nook the luto,
but thine and mine shall b. chilled and mut. \,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24


cation into the history and present condi-
tion of the fisheries of the Uuitcd States
forms one of the most interesting and i'm
portant inquiriesin taking the tenth census.
1t Is placed in charge of Prof. Il. Bard,
United States commissioner OF fisheries.
His final report will include imports and
exports of fish and fish products from
1920 to the present time, besides foreign
shipments A few of these tables have
been prepared, and exhibit some remark
abel features, such as the growth of the
oyster export trade from $50, 089 In 1860,
when the first reliable information begins,
to $453, 306 in 1870, and the decrease in
exports of spermaccti for candles which in
1886 was $84l ,907, and in 1867 was but
$35, l2l, since which time it has gradually
fallen off to condition of absolute stagna.
ton. The work Is divided into several
sections. each one in the hands of an ex-
pert in his particular branch. Il. e. EARL
work has been peculiarly successful, re-
sulting in discovery which Prof. Baird
pronounces one of great Importance. The
most important food fish Of southern wa
ters Is the Spanish mackcrcl 1t ID only
found in certain localities, however, and
has never been propagated because no one
knew when or where 1t spawned. Mr..
EARL, after careful watching, found that
the lower part of Chesapeake bay, known
as Mob Jack bay, was the place and June
the time. Next June the Fishhawk will
be taken to the spot and, with her improved
apparatus; take up quantity of the eggs,
which will be hatchcd on board and sub
sequcntly distributed in favorable locali-
ties. If the young fish survive, the we'll
known principle that they will at any risk
or labor return to spawn to the spot where
| they Il 8. saw light Is depended on to insure
their first residence in their new habtation.
About fifteen new varieties Of food fish
have been already added, by the labors of
this department Of the census, to the l7a
common food fishes of this country. Prof.
Baird contemplates the formation Of per-
mancnt bureau for the collection of statis
tical information in connection with tho
fish commission al the close of tic present
work.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
Hot Day-sit Down.

Ihe captain of the Central Station, De.
troit, had day-dream cf burglars rudely
| shattered tho other day by the event of n
gaunt, tall woman about forty years OF age
VINO carried closed umbrella In threat
ening way. She refused his salutation of
'!1ot day, madam--sit down." but SLOWLY
advanced to the desk, gave it a rap with
her umbrella, and solemnly asked:
Am | human being-a persona
The startled captain was 80 long in an
s"erlng the question that she continued
III amt want to know 1t, and that's
what | am here for2''
quired. 0'' '"-
"Why, I've been passed over by the
Eel,sus Ga1 men the same as If were dog
MOI one OF the gang has been near me!
haven't, eh7 Well suppose they
have missed few."
but there is some spite work about It.
and you can't make me believe thcre
wasn't!" she exclaimed as she waved hor
weapon around his head "They MIGHT
accidently miss some little dwarf of n
woman, but how could they get past me
tel you it was put up job, and don't
feel right over It," -.
ut won't make no great difference. l
suppose, muscd the Captain.
IloW 90 you know it won't2n she in
dignantly demanded. Don't l live here
Don't count one2 Haven't l lust MS
many rights as any other woman? D., T
Dclong in the census of people or of goats?
Know when l am stepped on as well %
anybody else -
'1cs too bad"
ITS mean, that's what it isl Every
old polk of maid on our street, every girI
and every old woman, has got her name
down, while I've been left out In the cold
rs If belonged in Africa! You've got to
make this thing right" e' "
"Mc7"
"1 cs, sir, you! Now then, write It
down. Pm forty three years old, and no
lying. I've been married three times and
nun the mother of mne living children. NV
father was born IN England, and my moth.
or III this country. | was born In New
Jersey, and my occupation is that of a
widow who don't care two cents for all the
men you can pile into ten acre lot Goi,
that all down 7"
cs, but you SEQ"
VI don't see nothing. If am put in the
census, all right. If 1 find ain't there.
you'll sec me again Good day, sirl"
With that she gave her umbrella an extra
flourish, upset the chair on which she had
rested her foot, and sailed out without
look behind.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
"HIr. IIenry"

At a political meeting, the speakers and
audience were very much disturbed by a
man who constantly called for Mr.. Henry.
Whenever new speaker came on the stand
this man bawlcd OUT
"Mr. Henry Henry Henry l call for
Mr. Henry
After several Interruptions of this kind
at each speech, young man ascendcd the
platform, and was soon airing his eloquence
in magnificent style, when tho same man as
before was heard bawling out at the top of
his voice.
MIR Hcnryl Henry! Henry I call
for MIR. Henry to make specch!"
The chairman arose AMI remarked that
it would oblige the audience If the gentle
man would refrain from further calling for
Mr.. Henry, as that gentleman was now
speaking.
'Is that Mir. Hcnry2" said the dsturbcr
of the meeting, "That can't be Mr.. Henry
Why, that's tile little fellow that told me
to holler."
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24
Saved tiIs i5rctlier.

Recently, a boy OF about twelve went up
street in Detroit, at such ratio of speed
that everybody who saw hlm was satisfied
that ho was running for doctor A man
with kindly expression of countcnance
caught the flying boy by tho arm and asked
hlm: EG'
"sonny, is there any one right sick, at
your house 2'
"No, but there will be II you don't turn
me loose"
"Who Is 1t, buffy2"
"Will yer let me go If tell yer9"
~ will, my boy
"Well, then, it's my brother Bob. He
will be a remains before night II don't
got home right Off. You see, we have cu-
cumbers, green corn, clabber, watermelon
and cabbage for dinner, and il ] ain't there
TO get my share he will founder himself
and die. Please let me go 80 can save
my little brothers lifo."
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24

BEcAUsE strawberries are small, 1t
docs not follow that there arc more of
them 10 the quart, for the quart Is fire.
quently made 'smallerSfto match the
straw berries.
n REPORTER who attended banquet
concluded his description with tho
candid statement that at la not dis
tinctly remembered by anybody pres
ent who made the last speech."
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-08-24

A GENTLEMAN nnulng ms WHISKY
punch little to hot, blew II with his
breath to cool It,. Blowing your own.
horn, L see," said Ills comrule. s.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

THE desperate straits to which
the Republicans are reduced are
we'll accsntuated by the twaddle
which is being telegraphed far and
near about Gen. Hancock. No
personal calumny is too disgusting
to be insinuated in a lying and
sneaking way. The latest roor-
back is that Hancock is in very
infirm state Of health. Should he
be elected, says a supposititious
member of his military family,
who is tenderly concerned about
him, he will die Immediately, and
VIM. I'll. English will be the Pres.
ident. Dear, dear, how terrible all
this is? 1t makes one fairly sick to
contemplate 1t! 1t is true that Ham
cock is only fifty-fiye years of age
and is man of the most robust
health; but, nevertheless, it is per-
fectly awful to think of his lying
down and dying, just to accommo-
date a lot of lying Republican
scribbIers. Try again, good friends,
and don't be SO stupid next time.
Assume, just for once, that your
readers are not all born idiots.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09
Disputes Concerning the Scrip
lures.
Detroit Ere G Press. |

Detroit Free Press.l
A "hired man" who has been
employed on farm in this county
for several months, entered suit
against his employer the other day
for balance of wages, amounting,
as he claimed, to $32. The suit
was on trial in Justice Alley yes
terday, and it looked as If the
plaintiff had a clear case. He gave
dates and figures in a straightfor-
ward way, and seemed very hon
est young man. When the farmer
took the stand he said:
II claim an offset for that $32.
No man need sue me for what
honestly owe."
"What is your Offset ?" asked the
lawyer.
"He's an unbeliever."
SIN what?".
"Why, in the Bible"
"What has that to do with your
owing him $32 ?"
"It has heap to do with 1t.
had six hands in my employ and
we were rushing things, when
hired this man. He hadn't been
with US two days when they stop.
ped the reaper in the middle OF the
forenoon to dispute about Daniel
in the lions den, and in three days
we had a regular knock-down ovel
the whale swallowing Jonah. The
man who ran the mower got to ar.
guing about Samson, and drove
over stump and damaged the
machine to the tune of SIS, and
the very next day my boy broke
his leg while climbing fence tc
hear and see the row which wai
started over the Children of Israel
going through the Red Sea. II
wasn't a week before my wife said
she didn't believe Elijah was fed
by the ravens, and hang me If ]
didn't find myself growing weak
on Noah and his flood. That's my
Offset, sir; and il he was worth any
thing I'd sue him for a thousand
dollars BESIDES"
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

Col. GODFREY is now posing as
the Sailor-boy and Ranchero can.
didate for Congress. There is
something very romantic about his
career as pictured to the detail OF
four columns the other day. But,
unfortunately for the gallant
Colonel, the people of the district
are prosaic and practical, aud pre-
fer to take their romance from the
yellow covers which abound SO
plentifully in the stalls of book
stores. In electing Congressman
they will be governed by the die
tates of common sense. In the
person of Mr.. Leach they see an
able and energetic young man who
will be in harmony with the domi-
nant party in Congress, and who
can do them some good. 1t is per-
haps to be lamented that politics
do not run in poetical and sensa'
tional grooves, but there are hun
dred humdrum, common sense peo-
pie elected to the House of Repre-
sentatives for one of the wild, rest
less, rowing and sensational type
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

wealth OF the United States,
and the whole machinery of
the Federal government, are
being used to continue the Repub.
lican party in possession of
power and place. The mere bald
statement of this fact shows how
exigent it is that the people should
again take control of their affairs,
and prove that they still retain the
power TO cashier n presumptuous
and intriguing Office. holding bu-
reaucracy. No Workingman, no
Greenbacker, If he reasons with
himself, can deny that the present
paramount and overshadowing is
sue Of our national politics is to
have q change In the administra.
tion of the government. When
the wealth begotten of compliant
administration seeks to build in
superable bulwarks to change and
reform; when the servants of the
people become dictatorial aud i'm.
perious, there must come up from
the masses an emphatic rebuke OF
Republican government-govern
ment of the people, for the people
and by the people-hecomes q
ghastly mockery, and only stop:
short of roaring farce by consid
Grafton of the tragic consequences
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

IT should never be forgotten in
estimating the significance OF the
October elections, that Hancock is
very much stronger than the local
Democratic candidates, and de-
servedly 80. He is the man who
more nearly approaches Washing
ton in his personal characteristics
than any one who ever ran for the
Presidency on any ticket. Sena-
tor Dan Voorhees, had a talk with
a New York Herald correspondent
the other day in which he said
that Hancock was much stronger
in the Hoosier Stale than Landers
or any other man on the Democrat.
ic State ticket and was much
stronger, in every one of the Con-
gressional districts, than any man
running Oh the Democratic ticket
for Congress. He further express
ed his opinion that Indiana would
60 decisively Democratic in the
October election, but that the
majority for Hancock in No
vember would far exceed
any that Landers could
hope to roll up. There can be no
question as to the truth of this
view of the Presidential election.
Before the nomination at Cincin.
natl Blaine placed himself upon
record to the effect that Hancock
was our strongest man. The truth
Is that we might have searched
the length and breadth Of the
United States without lighting
upon any one who combined so
fully all the elements of political
availability as Gen. Winfield Scott
Hancock.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

THE superb Roscoe Conkling
does not seem to stake" we'll in the
West. The Chairman of the Indi-
ana Republican State Central Com.
mittee expressed a fervent hope
that he would be kept out of that
6taA- The times have altered
since 1876. when Gen. Fitzpatrick
wrote his famous letter saying
that, with plenty OF. money and q
"bloody shirt" campaign, Indiana
could be carried for the Republic
cans.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09
In the Whole History Of Medicine

No preparation has ever perform e su ch
marvellous cures or Maintained so wide
O reputation, as AYERS CHERRY Pee
ToRAL,which is recognized as the worlds
remedy for all diseases of the throat and
lungs. Its long continued serie of won
derful cures in all climates has made 1t
universally known as q safe and reliable
agent to employ. Against ordinary
colds, which are the forerunners of more
serious disorders, 1t acts speedily and
surely, always relieving suffering. and
often saving life. The protection 1t
affords, by Its timely use in the throat
disorders of children. makes 1t an inval-
liable remedy to he kept always on hand
in every home. No person can afford to
be Withhold 1t, and those who have once
used it never will. From their knowl-
edge of its Composition and effects, ply
sicians use the CHERRY PICTORIAL ex-
tensively in their practice, and Clergy
men recommendit. 1t is absolutely cer-
tain in its remedial effects, and will al
ways cure where cures are possible.
For SALE BY ALL DEALERS.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

olds and then by Elaine, the other
day, when she trotted against
Brigand.
Fac sOuis,- Pnc. c.nc-MiDing News
-P"Istscs.
TUCSON, A. T., Oct. SLh.-The
track of the Southern Pacific Rail.
road is finished IS miles in New
Mexico.
Travel to Southern Arizona is
rapidly increasing. Tucson is
crowded, and every available house
is occupied. Building is going on
in every section of the city. Car.
penters and builders are in great
demand. Although we have six
times as many here as four months
ago, they all have more than they
can possibly do.
Travel and trade to and from So.
nora has more than quadrupled In
the last three months. The Gov.
ernment of Mexico has established ed
four new custom houses near the
Arizona line to check smuggling
each with guard of fifteen men.
The Head Center mine of Tomb.
stone, has made u new strike or
the $40 foot level in the west drift
200 feet from the main shaft. The
new find is reported u foot ledge
of very high grade ore. The Hard
shell mine of Harshaw is now the
center of excitement in that dis
trict. Two very large Independent
bodies of ore have been struck
The Dos Cabesas District, ii milei
from Wilcox Station, S. P. II. r..
is attracting quite rush of min
ing men. Recent development il
the cause. The ledges are not only
numerous but rich. Gold pre-
dominates. Quite settlement ha
sprung up in that District within
the last month.
Politics in Arizoua are becoming
interesting. Party lines are beins
drawn for the first time. q. H
Ouray, Democratic nominee TO-
Congress, and NJ. w. Stewart, Re
publican, have both taken the fielt
and stump oratory by their adher
ents rings throughout the Terrific
ry. The con test will be close.
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

" THE telegraph tells US that the
Democrats are pouring New York
and Phlladelphia roughs into Indi-
ans In great numbers. Amongst
tho 6rst names in this inventory of
ssFoughs' are "Buck" McCandless
spd Georgs w. Gallup. Our Re-
publican friends I'D better dis.
ohorge the goslings who are fabri-
catfng their kilograms. "Buckn
MoC oCandfess is the celebrated Gen.
VIM. cCandless, Of Philadelphia,
Who was gallant officer In the war,
on& IL now q distinguished
J4Hyer Of Philadelphia. p He will, a.
Hike - not, be the next Demo-
oEneio candidate for Governor Of
kgnueyivania. The other rufflan
- ool. 0serge w. Gallup. Of Pitts
1argh, who fought all through the
WeR et The head Of his regiment,
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

BLAINE, in an Interview, says
that Grant had better let Hancock
alone, and that the latter's militia
~ record Is simply above criticism.
He thinks Ulysses is very foolish
to enter into such controversy.
The plumed knight is undoubtedly
right, but what il the time has or.
rived for Grant to show that he is
little better than repudi-
ated public functionary who, since
he escaped from judicious restrain-
Ing iDfiuences, is determined to
show what an overrated man he Is?
Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-10-09

NEXT Tueskay, Oct. 18th, ad-
vances apace. Expectations of
Democrats may be epitomized In a
nutshell-Ohio is conceded to the
Republicans and Indiana will give
small but satisfactory majority
for Landers, Democrat. Anything
over this standard is so much
gained.