The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-02-13
WIT AND HUMOR.
QuIPS.

QuIPs.
On the wing-Feathers.
ASSAULT cell-er-The policeman.
The arch young woman with beau
becomes archer.
The fat boarder called the mold on
the pie an oasls-a green spot on the
dessert.
He blew into his gun to see
IL loading-up needed;
Ihe jury 10 q man agree
That the gun blew after he did
NERO, Pompey, and Caesar are COM
mon names tor dogs; but wouldn't
Agrippa be more appropriate?
THERE are only three ways OF getting
out OF scrape-write out; back out;
but the best way is to keep out.
WITHOUT saying which one does the
hugging, Miss Muloch says bear and
forbear are the two great bears of mat
rimony.
WHEN you deprive boy Of the priv
ilege of taking off his coat and vest to-
gether at one pull, what do you expect
he has to live for?
A CALIFoRNIAN's matrimonial adver-
tisement winds up as follows: Fortune
no object, but should require the gals
relations to deposit 81, 500 with me as a
security for her good behavior
EBENEZER STONE and his wife Flora.
out West, were divorced not long ago,
but afterward they came to an under
standing, were remarked and are now
happy together, as far as we know. 1t
was a case of Eb and Flo, it would seem;
at any rate they are tide now.
SIZE belted ulster cloak.
AL buttoned down before
A standing collar. and the tie
think was red she wore.
Jockey hat sat on her nose,
Sue carried a rattan.
And all who saw her couldn't tell
The lady from man.
"WHAT is the difference between the
article a woman has in her hand and
the woman herself, as she steps on a
participating while chasing her unduti-
full son around the corner?" was the
very simple question he asked. sits
easy; the one is slapping slipper and
the other slipping slapper," was his
voluntary answer, accompanied by the
sickliest grin we ever witnessed.
In mellow splendor on the haunted she'd
Oft have listened TO thy plaintive wauls
- And cursed thee from my sleep deserted bed.
How have wept 10 hear thy long drawn shout:
"Mariai Ohh Ma- ah Comm on -outf"
Wny does thou rage, vain cat. when sable night
With @dewy freshness fills the silent ART"
Why dost thou climb the roof to YELL and FIGHT
And rip and spit. and snort. al claw and swe arr
Dost thou not blush, sweet cat when rosy dawn
sees half thy fur clawed ont and one eye gomez
LITTLE Nellie was looking ct some
pictures of wild animals when Mr.. Jor-
kins called, and appealed to that gentle-
man to explain one of the pictures.
THAT is wild boar" said he; and tho
little lady looked at it thoughtfully and
replied: "It doesn't look like you, does
it, Mr.. Jorkinsl" "I hope not" re-
sponded the guest. "Why?" "Be-
cause" said the artless infant. "mam-
ma said, when your card was sent up,
there is that old bore Jorlins again.
A BOLD, bad burglar broke into the
house of an editor in the watches of the
night. The editor awakened and ques-
toned the intruder: what do You
want here? What look you for?" Said
the burglar, gruffiy, Money" Hold
on a minute" quoth the editor, "and
will help you; I've been looking myself
for ten years, but perhaps the two of us
may have better LUCK" Theu was the
burglar much disgusted, but the editor
called it q joke, and insisted that the
burglar ought to set 'em up.
TIRED woMAN's LAST WORDS.
Here lies an old woman who always was tired,
For she lived in q house where help wasn't hired.
Her last words on earth wers "Dear friends, am
going
Where washing amt done. nor churning. nor sew.
ing;
And everything there will be just TO my wishes.
For where they don't eat there's no washing Of
dishes.
Ill be where loud anthems will always be ringing:
But, HAVING voice, III get rid of the singing.
Don't mourn for me now and mourn for never.
For ITO going to 60 nothing forever and ever"
A NEw steam hammer in the estab-
Iishment of Megsrs. Park Bros. & Co.,
weighing fifteen tons, and