The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-03-04
PASSING SMILES.

ARE men who Aatter ladies She
praisers?
The tongue is the clspper of belle.
The Ute Indians have massacre-aid
parties.
The more creeks" a man has, the
boulder his style.
TRUSTING to chants-expecting to
get to heaven by singing.
THE-dog never puts of till the mar
row what he can find ON the bone.
A MRS. CAMPBELL, of Detroit, re-
Gently gave birth to triplets. The
Campbe.ls have apparently arrived.
SUCH is mans great love for life that
he would sooner, live and he dunned
every hour than die and be indepen-
dent.
"WHY is it easier to be bad than to
be goodT' asks a Buffalo paper. We
pass the query along to some one who is
being bad.
"PoRGY" asks: "When did ameli-
orate?" We can't say, but rather guess
that Amelia DER ate at the pantry and
not at the table.
| WHAT is the difference between the
Prince of Wales and a bombshell? I?
One is the heir to the throne, and the
other is thrown in the air.
| A CONNECTICUT man kept a roll of
butter in his well for thirty four years,
and found that the hair in it had turned
gray.
IT is not generally believed that
David was an intemperate man, but,
nevertheless, he called for " sling" so
the facts are against him.
A POLITICIAN died recently and his
family requested their friends not to
send flowers to the funeral. They were
satisfied with the blossoms ON his nose.
THEY have railway running to the
summit of Mount Vesuvius now. There
are no drinking saloons on the way, but
when you get to the top you will find
plenty of the crater.
The life of a Wisconsin woman was
saved by locket around her neck, the
ball her husband fired at her striking it
and glancing of. We print this fact in
order to start boom in the jewelry
business.
| GOODS injured by fire have such ready
sale when advertised, that we really b ;,
lieve if some one should advertise sale
of powder saved from powder mill ex-
plosion: it would 60 off readily.
| A PITTsBURG man smuggled set oil
false teeth into a parlor where a lot oi
ladies were collected and, pretending to
find it on the floor, asked who owned it
and every woman present had differ
ent way of twisting her lips to show hel
own teeth, when she spoke 10 say it was
not hers.
"YOUNG man," said the orator, i'm
pressively, "do you want to go down te
drunkard's gravep' WELL" replieC
the young man with the careless grace
of a man who isn't accustomed to re
fusing, "I don't care if do. Where
abouts is your grave Burl'ngto,
Hawkeye.
WHEN the maid mean to marry
of evenings 20 to see,
| make ii a rule to carry
Watches twain along with me-
| One is hours and hours too fast,
| One is hours and hours too slow
| call by The hrst-the last
l consult when should 60.
+ WHtN a man dies in Fiji, they dom
have to get a certificate of death and
burial permit, and hire an undertake.
and clergyman and all that. Tn,
relatives just dance around the deceased
and howl awhile, and then fire the re
mains into hole in the ground, if the,
amt required for food.
doctor, my mother-in-law is yer,
hard of hearing, and her eyesight is bad
If you can cure her of these defects
will give you half of my fortune" Th
doctor looked at the son-in-law and wa
about to speak, when the latter added
"and will give you two-thirds of my fol
tune if you can deprive her of tn
7 power of speech"
"THERE's something about you
, daughter" Mr.. Waughop said, reAee
> lively, "there's something about you
daughter" ayes" said old MI
Thistlepod, "there is. 1 had noticed
: myself. 1t comes every evening abou
q eight o'clock, and it doesn't get ava
usually till about two o'clock. An
some of these nights am going to lii
it all the way from the front parl r
!, the side gate and see what there is j
J, it."