South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-03-19

cHAisI Els SOhHy, Wherc is your Ia
tier? Dead, sir 'Have you any mo-
ther2' Yes. had one, but she got
married to John Danklin, an don't be
my mother any more cause sue says
she's got enough TO DO TO tend TO his
young 'uns.' Smart boy; here's a dime
for you That's We, sir; it's the way
i get my livin'.' Howl why, by tell.
in big yarns TO green 'uns like you, at
dime pop
That honesty is the best policy was
rather singularly illustrated the other
day at Waterbury, Conn. A young
Irish lad had bought himself pair of
shoes; the new pair was placed on his
feet. and what was left OF the old ones
was done up in nice bundle, with the
card of the shoe dealer printed on the
wrapper. On going into the street,
when no one was looking, he laid them
in the gutter. ccuntryman going by
seeing the boy pic'iing them up. rs he
thought, said, Here, boy, that is my
bundle Tho lad gave them mp, end
the countryman gave the boy 10 cents.
a boy had always declined to eat oat-
meal, although his mother had urged it
upon him as Strengthening diet. Sud-
denly he surprised her by one morning
eating liberal plateful and calling for
more. When she asked for an explana-
ton, he replied: 4 am bound to eat
oatmeal till get strong enough to whip
George Scott
d feilow-passenger with yankee
who never by any chance, except when
Le was eating or sleeping, had cigar
out OF his mouth said TO him: i have
seen good many smokers, but never
such an incura5lc chimney as You are.
Yes was the reply Il am fond of my
Havana. l can't live without my Ha,
vana, and | have left instructions that
one is to be put into ray coffin when |
die And INTERCEPTED another, Il guess
you won't have to go far for light,
either
a gentlman who had been struck by
tho young lady's beauty was determined
TO follow the injunction, and kiss the
rod that smote him
Two ladies Of Racine, Wisconsin,
walking home from church one Sabbath
evening, were grossly insu!ted by n
couple of loafcrs, one of whom was in
stantly compelled to knecl in the mud
and apologize. The ladies' didn't run
or scream. but one Of them had q trusty
revolver and knew how to use it.
After a Texas jury had stood out for
ninety hours the judge got verdict of
Them in two minutes by sending them
word that . circus had come to town.
Judge X, of Arkansas, had BROUGHT
before him convicted felon TO be sen.
fenced. The opportunity to Improve
the occasion was not TO be los: and SO
after the usual demand for reason WHY
sentence should not be pronounced. his
Honor slowly, and with genuine feeling.
addressed The prisoner: My poor fellow
you are about TO go 20 the penitentia.
~. You arc required 10 give up for
long time everything which the great
world values-your family, and instead.
to take for your associates only Celons
IKE yourself; your home, and TO take
instead, what can never have the sem.
blance OF home your will. and 90 10
he subject TO the order Of men vino have
no sympathy with you. Even your or
binary clothing you exchange for
here his Honor raising his loft arm.
pointed to it with the index nngcs Of his
right striped clothes, the stripes
running, not lengthwise, like those, bu.
so--round and round like q coon's tall
a man can buy a hat for one dollar.
but it takes from ton to fifteen for wo.
man TO 50 comparatively barehoaded.
ST Louis girls have way Of teasing
Chicago girls. They say, My dear, I
would like 20 be in your shoes
a Child, like letter, often goes q,
stray through being badly directed.