Morning journal and courier., 1880-01-12

oh, come now, billet doai1
 -Keokuk Gate O.ty. Democratic party to Garcelon-'tSti I" Garcelon to Democratic party-"Stuok !'' Chicago Inter Ocean.
 poor man was run over by city omnibus, and the coroner's jury brought in the tech- nical verdict-Stage struck.-New York News. A sailor is not sailor when he is board :; 8 sailor isnot sailor when he is shore; but he must be either ashore or aboard; therefore, 0 sailor is not 8 sailor.
 When 8 certain ignorant justice of the peace had his attention called to the particu- lar section of the law that fatly contradicted his decision, he replied that he always dis agreed with the revised statutes in that par ticular.-Chicago Tribune.
 They were talking about funerals, and one lady said to the other, 'T don't like to go to funerals" '.You don't!" was the astonished go! I'm surprised at you" ''Well,' replied the other, you evidently don't care much for music. I like to go to funerals to hear the music. I think the Dead March of St. Paul is one of the grandest efforts of that great composer !"-New York Express.
 Repentance-Teacher Cyho is trying to ex- plain the meaning of repentance): Sup pose bad boy were to steal an orange, and his good mother should catch him with it, and take him by the hand gently, and tell him how wicked it is, and how very, very grieved she was, don't you think now that the littls boy ought to feel sorry ?" Sunday scholar |: ''Yessum." Teacher: And why, Marina duke ?" Sunday scholar: Because" Teacher: s'Because what, Marmy?" Sun day scholar: s"Cause he hain't ct the or'nge befo' his ma cotch him and tuck it away fun himl"
 "Well, how are you ?" inquired a doctor as he stood by the arm chair of his patient, an old man who was troubled with deafness. ''Oh, very bad," was the reply. 'I can scarcely hear a sound.' 'tWel]," remarked the doctor, ssyou know how often have i'm pressed upon you that you must give up spirits. Do that and you will get all right. " And away he went. A fortnight later he paid his patient another visit, and inquired after his ailment ''You don't need to shout so, doctor" said the old man, irascibly. II have followed your advice, have given up my grog, medical man paid his patient yet another visit. and found him almost stone deaf once more. 'Ah," said the former, 'I suppose you have been induIging again" 'sWel, doctor" answered the patient, 1T must confess I have, for didn't consider all that I heard worth single glass of brandy and water"
 At the last session of the Limekiln Club, preamble and resolution: Wh'aras, It haz come to de knowledge of dis club det certain members wh'arof am in de habit of cailin' each other liars, an borrowin' money wid no intenshun of repayin' de same till dey get ready darefore, Resolved. Dat all sich pus- sons will be reprimanded fur de fust offence, fined fur de second, an dispelied from de club fur de third. s'As to dat resolushun," ex- plained the president, 'sde man who lies must expect to be called liar, an de chap who lends money must take de chances of gittin' it back. Dis club am not close communion on dat pint. vetoes de hull article on Ge spot, an de meetin' will now be stood of fur one week. In gwine along de busy thorough fares of life in slippery wedder remember dat it am your dooty to assist de ailin' an de weak, an dat true man will spring as quick to Tiff up an ole woman wid glass earrings as & purty girl wid seven founces on her dress. Now let de voice of de triangle disarrange us."-De- troit Free Press.
 She wore her brothers winter cap,
 Her fathers ulster coat
 She had her unce's necktie on,
 And met & billy goat.
 No had she winked at him
 Twas quicker done than said He lifted her about ten feet,
 And stood her on her head.
 The goat walked of as if to say:
 stI guess that young mans dead"
 Louisville Ocurier-Journal.