Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1880-06-04
HA! Hal Hal
Always tired-A wagon wheel.

Always tired-A wagon wheel.
The rest Of the week-Sunday.
A bill coming due-The mosquitoes.
A man may be right and yet be left.
A calls tongue is to be preferred to
bees stung.
A chain of circumstances can not b
sold for old iron.
A tree isn't known by its fruit after it
has been grated.
A parlor stove in summer looks as for
lorn as last years gravestone.
If you have bone OF contention with
anybody, throw it to the dogs.
When man gets tanned by the sun,
does not his face wear an orb-burn hue!
Riggs.
A young lady is not like tree. You
can not estimate her age BY counting her
rings.
The bathing season is now approach
ing, when all the good swimmers get
! drowned.
A Brooklyn goat ate up an ulster the
other day. After that it was of course
an ulster-ette.
Lady Lindsay thinks the violin prom
ises to become favorite with the soft
er sex" Oh, fiddle!
"Idess," said little sis yesterday, If
bod was here now he'd make lot O.
folks. IT'S awful dusty to-day"
The man who actually hanged himself,
when he only meant to Brighten his
wife, carried the choke too fsr.-Rtqgs'
The so-called busy-bee is mostly used
for fables and proverbs, but it takes an
enthusiastic hornet to adorn moral and
point a tail.
West Philadelphia has woman who
admits that her baby is not half so pretty
as her neighbours. She has been sent to
an insane asylum.
An eight hundred pound turtle was
caught in the Schuylkill river the other
day near Philadelphia. That was an an
imal of very soup-erior size.
The amount Of dirt found at the bot.
tom of crock of milk, sometime ssug.
gests the probability that the dairymar
has been milking the mud's COW.
An old angler says a fish does not SUI
fer much pain from being hooked. o.
course not. It's the thought of being lice
about that causes him anguish.
Bashful lover to his belle WoulC
that l had three Kilograms of dynamite =
Belle:-"Why, monsi-ur?" Bashful low
er:-"To break the ice between u.s."
The Providence Press tells of lady il
that city, who, after attentively examin
, ing bust in window, eagerly inquired
"And who was this Terra Gotta, any
way."
whispering in sleeper's ear will
, often produce DREAM" says an Englisl
/ physician. The man who whisper
: 'Mince pie" in our ear, when we ar
asleep, will get hurt when we get up.
A poet sends us poem beginning "
. gaze at the moon in the sky" That
|, right young man, that's where to gaze a
it. Don't try to gaze at it under the be-
or in the woodshed chamber. Stick t
the sky.
| They say that the people of thes
United States are recklessly extravaganza
and yet the Vermont man who bougl
e the wrong kind of pills for his sick wife
to avoid having them wasted, took ther
q himself.
y. Elevated Railway, . am. Conductc
e to gentleman slowly making his wa
r along the platform: Step lively, pleas
n Gentleman: Sir, never step lively
e 2oclock in the morning. If you had bee
: where have been, you wouldn't be alb
! to step at all.
- INV Iii PtCoo VI 1suocld hCCpo dllfe
= says one of the foreign correspondent
"by breathing oxygen gas mixed wit
acid and turpentine." The Emperor
Russia is understood to keep alive /
wearing a complete suit of mail under
1 sheet iron ulster, carrying bullet pro-
|, umbrella and surrounding himself wit
q body guard armed to the teeth whe
: e'er he takes his walks abroad.
: A young pastor who has recently ha
> son born to him notifies brother pa
Q tor as follows: Unto us child is borr
unto us son is given.-Is 9: g." 1t W;
y written on postal card. The receive
{ showed the message to sister in h
> church. "Ah, yes" said the woman, n
} ter reading it; ''it weighed nine pound
six ounces"