The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-12-16

Ine republicans OF Clarlnda, rage
county, had a jolification meeting on
Friday night, November 5th. Accord
ing to the Council Bluffs NOnpdreil
they had the biggest kind of time,
with illuminations, fireworks, music
and speechifying. After several re-
publican orators, among them Con-
gressman-elect Hepburn, had given
vent to their feelings with spread
eagle speeches, the crowd called
loudly for Lou b. Cake. Cake is a
democrat, and the NonpdreiI says he
booked too depressed to speak; but the
crowd wouldn't be put off, SO he
mounted box and made the follow
ing unique speech:
| FeIlOsU Citizens:-A man usually at
tends his own funeral, but it is not
expected that he should talk a great
deal. Laughter / knew the fu-
neral ceremonies would go on with
out me, SO l concluded l had better
bring in the body. Laughter.] But
It takes great deal OF grace to sustain
man who helps furnish the corpse
for an occasion Ii Ike this. Laughter.
Nobody but democrat could do it.
[Applause.] 1t is certain that no one
save the democrats have had u chance
to try it for the last twenty years
[Shouts and applause Disappoint.
ment Is the modern democrats birth
right, and mourning his normal con-
dition. They took out a patent on
disaster twenty years ago, and it has
never been infringed. The patent run
out in 1876 and they have just got il
renewed. Looking over the landscape
of the last twenty years behold acres
and acres of busted hopes, cords anC
cords of disgruntled ambitions, barrels
and barrels Of unavailing tears, oceans
and oceans strewn with the wrecks O
phantom ships once burdened with
democratic delusions. (Great ap'
plausc.] Disappointment is an an.
chOr to the democratic soul both SURE
and steadfast.
| Leaves have their time to fall
| And flowers to wither at the north wind.
| breath,
| And stars to set, but all, 0 democrat!
| Thou hast all time for Il inc own death.
~ might say with Shylock, "Suffer.
ance, yea, suffer-ance is the badge OF
our tribe could give you 329 reas-
ons for this. Laughter.1 A lawyer
offered Q judge sixteen reasons why
his client was not present In court.
First, he was dead. The judge told
him that he might omit the other fif-
teen. The first reason Of my 329 is, we
lacked the votes. You will allow me
to omit the other 32s. [Applausive
consent.] But could give you more
than 329 reasons. Yea, Morey-y let
ter. John Kelly did it with his little
racket. [Great applause. Wade
Hampton's mule broke his leg instead
OF his neck, and Ben Hill wasn't
born mute. English had foreclosed
his mortgages and We couldn't redeem.
Then,-
'Tis the south that can supply
Solid comforts while we die.
I'm some states the greenback party
fell through the crack in their plat
form and crippled us. Laughter.
But democracy still lives. (Great APP
plause.] It's like the mule-it never
dies. But unfortunately, like the
mule, while it lives it is forever throw
ing its riders.
ut bucked Greeley off and killed
him In 1872. Tilden stuck on till he
passed under the wire. Applause.
But there was so much daylight be-
tween him and this quadruped, the
judges counted him off, although he
had his feet in the stirrups. This year
we got splendid send-off and might
have won, but the donkey was stricken
down in Indiana with (g) Landers.
(Applause.] We close this chapter OF
history with the hope the story will
not be continued in our next. Cheers. ]
We accept defeat the more cheerfully
because OF the magnanimous manner
with which you take the victory.
We take 1t every four years. 1t is q
standing prescription. 1t might well
be called the quanrennial impecac.
[Groans.] 1t works up before election
and works down as the returns come
In. We thank you for the magnani-
nous way In which you have turned
out to our funeral. [Applause. We
congratulate you on the magnificent
and imposing character Of the obse-
quies." Here the speakers feelings
Overcame him, and he retired amid
encoring earthquakes and applausive
avalanches.