Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-11-05
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"A AON6ClEN1lOO0S AG6 IA 0dlfCSS
ton grocer had been observing for several
weeks past that a great many of his Gus
toners had quit him and were trading at
a rival store over the way. He also no
ticed that one of his clerks, who had been
converted at asreviyal, rarely succeeded in
selling any goods at all to customer. He
had formerly been very efficient clerk in
selling groceries, hence the proprietor was
very much bewildered. Yesterday morn
ing the proprietor came down before the
clerk made his appearance, and. hiding be-
hind a stack of boxes of Blue Jackets En-
couraging Bitters, waited patiently for de-
velopments. Presently the clerk came in,
put Oh his apron. busted off the counter,
whistling "From Greenland's Icy Noun
tains," as he did SO. It was not long be-
fore wealthy lady whose custom ran up
into the thousands annually, came in, and
asked the clerk if he had the celebrated B
No. sugar. He replied that they had,
showed her a sample, and she said she
pounds.
The conscientious clerk looked at the
lady very earnestly, and asked:
care you prepared to meet your Ma
ker ?'
The lady stared in blank amazement.
II want to know if you have family
prayers regularly and if your family are
fully prepared for blissful hereafter be-
yond the grave. for if you are not you
can't get the sugar, that's all. There is
enough chloride of tin in one hundred
pounds of sugar to kill the last one of you,
and don't want anybody's blood On my
hands, particularly when they are lead
ing wicked lives and not fit to die,' and
he put the cover on the sugar barrel and
strolIed out to the door, Whistling Old
Hundred.
The lady Haunted herself out of the
store, her face as red as fire, but it was
not any redder than that of the proprietor.
who was only waiting for an opportunity
to rend that clerk limb from limb. For
tunately several customers came in and
the proprietor drew in his breath, gritted
his teeth and waited as best he could fol-
the hour Of vengeance to strike.
'Have you got any claret-genuine
French claret?"
''What do you want it for?"
hsI want it for friend Of mine out II
the country
elias he got a good constitution ?"
'sNo, he is in feeble health, and I wan
I,o1v> b,,iJd mn hi, cucrono
1--WE made our genuine claret ourselves
down in the cellar. The proprietor at
tends to that himself. OF late the infu
sions of logwood and dye stuffs we gel
from the druggist have been of such poo
quality that our genuine claret won't d.
for me to recommend. I can't conscien
tiously do so. You had better let you
friend die natural death.'7
The man said he was much obliged fol-
the information, but the clerk said he wa:
only doing his duty, and he whistled
ssWhen I Can Read My Title Clear" as
the customer strolled off,
Other customers fiocked in, but he firm
" refused to sell them dimes WORTH
dC SAp1dlACO w q OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES WV
man that her dyspeptic appearance was
due to the China clay in the -four and tn
glucose and sllphuric acid in the golde
syrup she wanted to purchase. Another
lady wanted tea. The good clerk said
ssMadam, if you were to drop dead ano
wake up where there is weeping and wall
ing and crashing of teeth I could never
sleep at night afterwards. You could moi
buy pound of tea at this establishment
for all the wealth of the Indies. The color
of the tea is produced by Prussian blue
which causes ossifcation of the valvulal
system of the heart. I can see by you
leathery complexion, that is caused by th'
tannin in tea, that you are not long for thi
world. How do know you have mad
your peace with heaven?"
loot any good coffee?" asked fresl
customer.
ssWe have some beans faced with phos
phate of calcium and sulphate Of barium
but the man who gets any of it, has tx
show clean bill of health from his spirit
ual ADVISER There was no trade with
that man, either.
Finally, when there were no customers
in the store, the interview between the en-
ragged storekeeper and bis clerk took place
but the clerk so impressively warned TIT
grocer-with an axe hand!e-not to ap
proach too close unless ne was prepared t.
90 hence, that their business relations
were dissolved by mutual consent. Th'
moral of all of which is that things ar,
not always what they SEEM Galvestoa
Neaos.
A New York judge fined man SIS fol
kissing his ne1ghbor's wife. If it could
have been proved that she had eaten on
ions before the assault the judge would
probably have acquitted him and made hel
pay the costs.
ssSee,' said sorrowing wife, ''hoW
peaceful the cat and dog are" Yes,
said the petulant husband, "but just Tie
them together, and then see how the fur
will fly"
A South End man asked one-armed or.
gan grinder if he was a survivor of the
late war, and the organist replied: ''Hane
it, do i act as tho l were killed in it,
The gorgeousness of numerous red noses
give emphasis to the well-knOwn remark
that sail that glitters is not gold. -
Husband-"M Mary, my love, this apple
dumping is not half done.''
Wife-''Well finish it. then, my dear. .
That woman who neglects her husband Is