The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-16
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

her beas," does she mean MS suspchuc'o'
An innocent mistake "Thc types" says a
Springfield contemporary, made US say last
week that the showers were not sufficient for
the 'milkmen.' We had written 'millmcn.'"
Haucock's rebel claims letter is failure. 1t
does not satisfy the republican editors, all q
whom are picking at It,
Tanners fast is not original The old gentle
man Noah lived forty days on Water'-Eo'f"''
bulletin.
A Connecticut man wrote to his grocer that he
wanted some "ebelyac." Luckily he sent Jug,
aud the grocer filled it with applet jack.
Judge Hilton cannot be as bad man as the
Jews represent him to be, for he has refused "A
nomination TO congress.
The republican majority that WAS promised Us
in Maine was like the earth on which we live
aattened at the polls.
Solid shot from the Burlington Gogcttc: "1f
the fight gets much hotter, Garfield will resign
and go home, as he did from Chickamauga."
Princess Louise Is troubled with insomnia,
and we hasten to recommend onions. The old
man may kick little but, dog gone him, let
him kick.
He said he was the leading stakeholder in the
City Railroad Company; and it was literally true,
FOR he holds mules while changing cars.
Sing a song Of Garfield,
A pocket full Of rocks,
Three hundred and twenty. mine
Dollars made on stocks.
When his mouth was opened
He said "A loan, each cent"
Isn't he a healthy man
To be our president?
Another poet comes forward and says: 81
hear the hiss Of n scorching kiss" Beats all
what man can hear il he is only mean enough
10 listen.
4 woman near Cairo dressed up as n man to
see how much bluff her old husband would take
from u stranger. She got fortysiX bird shot in
various parts of her body.
The announcement that St. Louis editor fell
from his chair and was picked up senseless, leads
= Chicago editor to remark that the St. Louis
man couldn't hayc been much effected ty the
fall
We notice that gifted Wisconsin poeiess was
recently rendered reception in Milwaukee on
leaving the city. Even Milwaukee knows the
proper time to enthusc over poets.
ST. Julien must be in need of repairing. The
dispatch from Beacon park, describing the race
en- Saturday, says that "hc broke In three places"
--Ihiladclphid Bulletin.
Who ever heard Of newspaper cashier alb.
tcondiug with the funds of the oillcc9 Here's
honesty for you-or scarcity Of funds, we don't
somehow remember which.
A California dairyman uses goat to walk"
each churning machine. Here is u chance for
some wicked punster to say that there is little
butter at both ends Of that machine.
An agricultural paper says: Don't 90 straight
from the cow stable into the milk room" OF
course not; better take a turn around the pump
or join the hired girl in walk through the
orchard.
There is said to be man at Jericho, VI, who
IS always called upon to break the news to the
family when anybody is accidentally killed
there, and he does it in such neat manner that
they are almost glad it happened
Mark Twain would have every steamboat com
PEELED to carry in conspicuous place the follow
ing notice: ain case Of disaster do not spend
precious time meddling with the life boats-they
are out OF ordcr.n
The man who lands in Lcadyilc without
money will hnd hundred people perfectly will.
'ng to assist him. When they get through he
will discover that he is three miles out Of the
corporation limits.
man asleep at the top of a telegraph pole
was recent spectacle in Boston He was
drunken repairer, who had grown drowsy at his
work. great crowd gathered but nothing
was done to arouse him, and he finally awoke
in safety.
II Is grave question whether Cunklng know
Mat GARFIELD Is running for president There /.
no indication that he does in his speeches, and
he seems to think that this is merely preimin-
AIRY canvass To make Grant solid In lSSl-St
LO4is RpuJl.cm.
Say, my postal virgin say,
Are there any letters
In the name Of Smith to.dayy
II 50, hand them 10 me- pray
And I'll hold myself for aye
Ch!ei among your debtors"
Thus replied that postal belle,
Beaming with good nature:
Can II be that such swell
Comes to me 10 learn 10 spell!
Five there are, you know full we'll
5, NJ, L, I, ii, sir9-SpHysiie Press
s circus manager wanted a new name for bi,
show and sophomore collegian suggested
''monobippic aggregation" as good and the cir
Gus man b nd got three towns billed before n,
was informed that 'monohippc" meant con,
rse."-Boston Post.
An unsophisticated countryman, who has beer
reading nothing but stalwart papers for month
ar two waots ms IN toll him whether U,ncox,