The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1880-02-17
Observation-Disclosures NeWoss, rllloas'

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, NeWoss rlllous
sI a ,,,,a ao l,o"IiD lMIli,,l!.,Gin. II
SSs s@b sRi ,aaos. W e siin i
Con oS' SIaaIioasoc1 Il F' rIaaas' ~
insltuel'yenehiu Venom lop ,..r,a
Having gazcd on this for n
few moments in mute establishment during
which tho professor took glafs Of brandy
and water md afterwards u mouthful Of
to1acco, turned TO him aud requested m
explanation
"Why" Nllhe,"its very simpler the mum,
! Der H. Is the maximum, tho miuimuml for
Instance you nrn m benevolent rs u lnHn can
be-, therefore mark you Benevolent -,
| You have little or no se'oFcOIa hence
place you Self Estrcm }, You have scarcely
any Cr0dulty--dou't you see"
did roe, This was my
discoy rs. raw NJ n lash
how the Engllsh language was susceptible Of
improvement and, fired with the glorious
idea, ! rushed from tho Dom and the house,
needless Of the Professor request that
would buy more Of his inygoHtori needless
of his alarmed cry That | would phy for the
bottle d got; needless TINT trIppeG on the
lat step of the GyascutnS houre aud smRshcd
there the precious fluid (the stop has now u
growth Of four inches Of hair ON II and the
people use II ~ u door.mNt), | rushed
homo aud never grew calm till with
pen, Ink and paper before me, | commenced
the development Of my system.
This systom.-shNl lsny this great system
4.
few words In the first place Figures
won lie Let US, then, represent by the
number l00 the maximum, the ne plus ultra
Of every human quality grace, beauty
courage, strength, wisdom, learning every,
thiOg, Let perfection, l4Oy be represented
by 100, and an absolute minimum
Of all qualities by the number /,
Then, by applying the numbers between
TO the adjcctIyes used in conversation, we
shall be able TO arrive ut very close app
proclamation TO the idea wo wish 10 convey;
h other words, We shall be enabled TO speak
the truth. Glorious suul-insliring idea
For instance, the most ordinary question
asked Of you Is, GLOW do you do? To
this, instead of replying, pretty well, -
Every WE'LL" quite WE'LL" or the like alb
surditics, after running through your mind
that perfection of health Is 100, no
graceful bow, "1hank You, I'm
50 to-day" or, feeling poorly, Pm 10, I'm
obliged TO you, or" Pm IS or75 or iSl rs
the casa my % Do you see how very close
in this way YOU may approximate 10 the
truth; and how clearly your questoner will
understand what he so anxiOusly wishes to
arrive at--your exact state of health,
Let this system be adopted into our Gle.
ments of gramn a. II conversation, ourliters-
ture, and we become at once an exact, precise,
mathematical truth-tcliUg people. 1t
will apply TO everything but
politics; there, truth being of no
account the system is useless; but in litera
ture how admirable Take sample:
As 10 young and 76 beautiful lady was
50 gaily tripping down the sidewalk ofour
"a freouented street, she accidentally came
in contact 100 Uhis shows that she came in
close contacI) with n 70 fat but 81 good
humored looking gentleman, was 05, Il.
e., intently) gazing into the window Of toy
shop. Gracefully So extricating herself, she |
received the excuses of the 90 embarrassed |
Falstali with 6S bland smile, and continued |
on her way But hardly-7-had she !
reached the corner of the block ere she WIS
overtaken by "A young man, 80 poorly |
dressed, but Of an IS expression of counte-
nonce; 81 hastily touching her 81 beautifully |
round arm, he said to her 81 surprise
madam, Mt the window Of the toy.shcp |
yondor, you dropped this bracelet, which |
had the II good fortune TO observe, and now
have the o. happiness to hand to you" Of
course, the expression "0i happiness is
merely the young mans polite hypcrboln,
Blushing with 76 modesty, the lovely as |
as before Of course) took the bracelet, which |
was "a magnificent diamond clasp, GA mag
niilcent. play fully sarcastic; it was probably !
not one ofTucker's) from the young mans
hand, and 81 hesitatingly drew from her
beautifully 30 embroidered roticue a 81 port
monnic. The young man noticed the action |
and 70 proudly drawing back, added:
$40 not thank me; the pleasure Of gazing
for an instant at those 100 eyes (por.
haps too exaggerated a COMPLIMENT has
already more than compensated me for IN,
trouble that | might have had" She
thanked him, however, and with g. deep
blush and AZ peusive air, turned from him,
and pursued with 80 slow step her prone
made.
OF course you see that this is but the com.
of aveny pretty little tale, which |
might throw off, ii I had mind to, showing
in two volumes o. forty.eight chapters of
thrilling interest how the young man sought
the girls acquaintance; how the interest first
excited deepened into love how they suffered
much from the opposition of parents cher
parents, of course) and how, after much
trouble, annoyance, and many perilous ad-
ventures, they were finally married, their
happiness of course, being represented by
100 But trust that have said enough
to recommend my system to the good and
truthful of the literary world and besides,
just at present, | have something of more
Importance to attend to.
You would hardly believe it,
but that everlasting Q00) scamp of
4 professor has brought suit against me for
stealing a bottle Of his disgusting invigorator,
and as the suit comes before a justice of the
peace, whose only principal of law is to find
guilty and fine any accused persons whom he
kinks has any money because if he don't
he has to take his costs in county script, it be-
looves me to stake time by the forelock,'
10 for the present adieu. Should
nv system succeed to the extent of my
hopes and expectations, shall publish my
new grammar early in the ensuing month,
with suitable dedication and preface and
should you, with your well-known liberality,
publish my prospectus, and give me hand
some literary notice, | shall be pleased to
furnish presentation copy TO each of the
little pioneer children.