The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1880-10-31
How We Pulled n Classical wire for n
Clcrkship tn the state Department.

AZ.
ino'e s'"''e'''"" "e''co o'V"" III
M'sn'ng'o"' rus !" no. gcne'a'y k"ow"' we
'ne'e WV wv" o",'S' y, perhaps ''ee, anu
'"oio "'s W. wv. 'o"cs, wv, W. lc' soson'"y
aoout ms name, "is'e"uNes "" oeing "ca" anu no
o,vne'o'' '"'' ". o u,uu'
",u w ~" W ,"' ,o""''y 'n'' "oN-
r,"o' we. ,"o"s". sv''o"sy V. pa'"on'hs 'onh
oio"n, 's 'ic 'e''e" 'no name "ouiu uie OUT.
ihc nrowh we ave ,eiefi'hg 70 now Us as good
suuns ,euow 49,. s'v'u w. u'ess,ooo' we saw
',, w. A,e'. WINE 'so anu we w'sne" nun
- o' Wv " Vu' no'' w nnVw p''''
',o VIZ" .' ".s Vo'''",e' o ,no na'"ore
w" ~ a ~ !V".s VeiN y" NV o'a,o W.
p v s'''' '"e" "' "'S "o"e "e''' US "e "e-
'oa ,oS' -, -, -
'"e o'"e' "'su'' "omn 70 OUT OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES we
wu'o W. "o.c, ''e ,'nu.oy anu ooatuefs having gone
WV wv "e' '"o e'oV.'o" 'e'","s' NJ we went
WV. ,, ~ "v',o"eo I'VE p'ro' '"'o
'''.'.'o' "". wv" "'' "o"oc"' wv" ""o'"c'
49,. -. 80. ~ '"''o' CIV" "o'i."e"
I've easy ''''' '".o "''V'"ei anu ooiroweu MS
s'"o s w" s"Ppc's' ""u pe'hg com'o''ao'y
49, 'N''is y '...o 'F' we went NV wv"
o'''' "''i v'i'"o' ''' nus ei""pe" "cenlo9eu
v"' s.''e' ".'"' o"' "eies'oc" Wy "'o"u rihsne vi
'"e uoo'-pe,,'
we 'oohcu OUT OF our WINDOW anu s'idi VINO
' NC i""ee". nv" "ie w"
re.s wen '"'hN you Weh'e g'au 10 near
W wa" Wv sv, W'.'' poes MI N"reu I'VE
''u wv T." 'e' w" W. "'os' VIZ ,'oNc every
a'o"''' 7" w SURE o"' ohN 'hc h''uu'c' No"
"on want us 10 move twice month"; DO vcu'''
on, ho-ccftMoy net he' me IN mere All.
poh' you KNOW me'' NO, we don't VINO are
your Wny' Hsme' 1--WE uon' I uouot that'
we nrn'S oene'e 'hat" Oh, ooo peoPe"ete 10 Knock
AT q te''ow door, every blessed one OF Them when
asked VINO II was, would answer, me- ''Its',
thcn. Does mat suit your That's better, FAR
petter' nut who's iY'' WHY Brown.' And we
~
mysterious. lie looked In the wardrobe and under
tue pcu anu up the chimney anu out In the hall.
y NO one about, Is there2' Not u SOUL mo
servants or chiIdreng'' mo, Brown; nobody
:" Not even babyp'' Eyes, there are twins, three
months ola, In cf'b down STAIRS IA nat roof on
TINS houseP'' YES" Let's put them on the
roof. l want TO tell you something "why.
Brown, they can't hear Vt. Their mother Is the most
tender-heared being you ever saw. She goes TO the
opera two or three times week. but always divides
bot'ie OF soothing syrup between them before she
goes. She has gone down to hear the returns, and
she was so fearful that they might disturb me that she
gave them botto apiece ~ wouldn't trust
them; You newspaper fellows come IN all kinds OF
shaIes-let's shut this door anyhow. Any telephone
about this honseg'' NO. Any telephone wire
running over itY'' It No." There's doctor
two squares below here, has he telephone7 ''
YES" Lets smut this window then. You know
old Grimkins up at the Departmental YES"
lies dead" "leadY' Dead!'f 'Wby,
Brown, we had nothing to do with 1t. What do yon
look Mt us In this horrible way forP "Pshaw, All,
you don't take Mt a,ldon't yon see 1t leaves va
cancys' "6ceminy crymeny! Brown-sh. Let us
drop these curtains and lower this light little A
vacancy IN the State Department y
~ toid tho secretary iad friend Tor the place.
Gan you come up to-mprfow!' 1--WE bet yon. To-
morrow wen go TINS blessed minute'
"Come to- morrow and bring your credentials.
rtta thnv,, ,pt AInI., tl,.,,
strong You'll have an Interview with the Secretary.
Ever meet him?H mo- 'If you can give him
little Latin he'll appoint Fou' But, Brown,
TINS thing VIII get out Lots OF people must know
Grlmkins Is dead 10y TINS time Nobody knows
It, His nurse donteven know 1t, and his three ply
sicians held consultation over him this afternoon
and said le would recover land he was dead? ''
LAS dead as mutton. We placed battery under
MS bed TO Keep MN twitch'ng TIL the vacancy Is
filed.
So Brown lett, aud we sat down and wrote a fine
assortment OF very handsome credentials, and went
up to the state Department ut O'Clock the next
morning. Wefound string Of gentlemen, all appli-
Giants for that position, reaching around the Depart
ment like huge anaconda, ready AMI willing to
squeeze the life out of 1t II tho appropriation did not
prevent. We managed to get into the chief clerk s
room. ''lIow did this thing get ont9" we asked.
''They moved Ills bed AMI disconnected tue WIRES
and found out about twenty minutes ago that he was
dead. But core in.'' So we were ushcred into the
secrctary's room and found gentleman so astound-
ugly like Gen. Hancock that one has often been taken
FOR the other; the Resemblance Is 10 remarkable that
the Republicans have put up little game that ought
to be expose,l; they pronse ir Hancock Is elected
an, ,,,.s r., t, ,h ,,,,,, ~, ,.,nao =, ,,, ,,
' "'o'' " AeeI '"o P"',o i" 'S"or"'oe' ''c i'c'
and inangurate Mr.. Evarts in his stead
The Secretary threw his eye over our credentials and
then examined us: ..what claims have you, sir upon
the Government ~ 'o"r great-groat-great- great
grandfather. Mr. Secretary was an engineer on
the Maynower, and were IL not for him, sir, she
would never have landed, Ms she beat off and an SANDY
Hook for 90 m,nv DAYS waiting for n licensed not
that her coal was exhausted, and he, and he only,
managed to keep steam up by udicious use of kero-
se"e ANU, s'' u,''l"s.'seo
Us me- our ia'her comhahueu iieht battery OF two-
hundred FOUNDERS Parrot guns, six pieces, In the
Army OF the Potomac and Gen Mcclellan Issued an
| av a., a., -. ~. In - ,, ,, ,,,,, ,n .
" o .n . .'"s ,' ".s .'.,' ,
he ever saw, ana was endowed with remarkable GIT
to watch the effect of concenric re: he was cross
eyed. At the second battle of Bun Run, sir, his
h,,,.,v WAC nro,.n Al, n, n,eces avery man and ,or.
"oe'! was '''"e' " W p''oea' ''o'! '''" 'n' '.' 30
was Killed or wounded, anu every gun was dis'noute
but he brought his six pieces into Alexandra in push
cart y,
| ..was IN. wo,,d.d s,r9,, ..No, badly Mr.
"S he "o"'ue"' sh No' oau!' -"i'
Secretary; he was struck In the face by fteen-h Inch
shell, thrown from rebel battery of flying artillery
but the injury was not as serious as It might have
been--he happened to have his mouth open at the
| time.
'Sir, ~ said the Secretary, In very severe way
nm, ,. u, adj. nat hs,.. os, o,,.,
,"' p'epa'o ~ "u,' '''v 60. ~
cum Dut am cohielied 10 put .hls 9"es-
Ton 10 you-to Wit: individually, SIT, What du yoh
ior tle beneht Of our benehcent Hoveihhent during
the uark, urcary ana desoiate days wien tne potent
anu p9rtehtlous Dack purly am, pursuing CLOUDS OF
reDeoh huhg tremendously, generously, anu threat.
enlngy over tine norid, nowery anu iarest part OF
| this mighty, magnificent mulihcent, ana magnani-
| nous landY,'
''our Wlie's iOurth cousih' Mt. secretary, WAS
major In Washington all through the horrible war.
and wore out three cane seated once calfs ana was
| breveted brigadier general therefor
Ihat Is not the question, sir; what ana you ~
m We did but little, but the fault WAS not Ours.
lhere was mistake IN our fainy record ohr p'rtl
WAS ehteIeu tere let4: our i"tner anu not"eT saiu
we were born In 1924 but 1t would have been unbe-
coming In MS to fly into the face OF Holy WRIT and we
concluded 10 stand by tho record consequently we
were too young to enter the servicein 1861. Ah!
res, MT: secretary we were sure we wcre porn III
sii until the Draft and then we accidentally stun
bled over some very remarkable evidence tat COLI
WINGED us that we were born m lelt.