Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-03-22

"A sKltcDen proverD-thlngs rubbed
against a greater become less.
know him." said Pat. "Bedad, l
knew him when his father was small
boy !"
A great many people are anxious to
introduce new religion into the world
who have not given the old one a fair
trial.
Men always want people to tell them
how handsome they look whereas women
look into their mirrors and satisfy them
selves.
The Cincinnati Commercial wants to
see railroad travel superseded by canal
transportation, because 'canal boats
never run off the track, and we'll trained
mules rarely explode"
A man never feels more forcibly how
true it is that "kind words never die"
than when his love letters are read out
to the absorbing interest of all present,
in breach of promise suit.
Edith and Mabel had just put their
dollies in their crib, when Edith. with
the expression of one who had great
weight lifted from her shoulders, said,
There ! I'm thankful we've got the
children to bed We shall have little
peace now p
"If you was decent person" remark
ed shrill female voice on the railway,
"you would shut down that window and
not expose me to the draft" "Mad-
anne" was the reply, IL thought from
your face that you were over forty-fve
and not subject to a draft"
He sits down at the table,
But doesn't eat bite;
| When asked what as him, he replies,
| "Pve lost my appetite"
Down town again he hurries,
| Returns home late at night;
| "H'ray, IS all ri now, or gal,
Jes' foun' my 'appy tight"
"Theres something about your daugh'
ter" Mr.. Waughop said refectively
there's something about your daugh
ter" "Yes," said old Mr.. Thistlepod
"there is, have noticed it myself. Il
comes every evening about s o'clock
and it doesn't get away usually till abou
2. And some of these nights l an
agoing to lift it all the way from tn,
front parlor to the side gate and Sc,
what there is in it."
We met and yet EN- as we met tn
time had come for our parting, the trail
that was to bear me off again was start
ing. She grasped my hand and mur
INJURED low, "Oh, how I've longed to Sc
you. Joe !" And, in voice deep ant
profound, said, "Why don't you pas
'em round p And then she rose upol
her toes, when | did fondly hover, upol
the step above her. In vain; that trail
If l may mention it again-was start
ing. Oh, why should fate SO interpos
itself between US and our bliss? He
kiss lit on my nose, such was our parting
Here is an amusing bit of ecclesiasti
cal tit-for-tat: Two young men wer
chums and intimate friends in college
One became Baptist minister, the othe
an Episcopalian. They did not NEE
again for years. When they did, 1t wa
in the pulpit of the Baptist, for whor
the Episcopalian preached, to the grea
satisfaction of the congregation. Sermo
over, the two divines ducked their head
behind the breastwork of the preachin
desk. and held the following colloquy
"Fine sermon, Tom; much obliged
Sorry | can't repay your kindness fc
; preaching by asking you to stay to ou
!, communion. Can't though. you know
: because you have never been baptised.
i "Oh, don't concern yourself about thai
Jim. couldn't receive the commune
: at your hands, as you have never bee
: ordained"
: "You see, dar's a nigger libin' up m
n way who orter to be tooken car of,
!. said an old darkey to the captain at tn
!. Central Station yesterday. What's h
been doing now?" "Waal, sab, las ia
B. | lent him my ak, an when wanted
back he braced up an tole me dat DO
sesshun was nine pints O. law. an refuse
to glib it up" YES" "Wall. de odd,
day sent de ole woman ober an 81
borrowed his buck-saw, an when JUL,
cum for it tole him jist like he answe
ed me. an stood ON my dignity
"Well ?" 81 had nine points of LAY
didn't II" Yes" "An' how mar
, points am de law composed of?" Z
don't know exactly" "Well, dat's VIII
!. e bodders me. fur dat niggar saw dem Nil
n pints. sbet up dis lef eye for me, pitch,
10 10 de ole woman ober bar'l an walked
3; with his saw an my snow-shovel to boo
81 81 If had nine pints he mus hev had OBJ
= twenty. an eben den he didn't half
~ himself out |"