Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-05-11
MAX NJ
They Couldn,t Trade.

Keyser had lightning rods placed upon
his barn three or four years ago, but
during last summer the building was
struck by lightning and burned. When
he got the new barn done q man came
around with a new rod wagon n
wanted to sell him one OF Bolt x Bur
nuns patent lightning rods. ,
al belive not said Keyser; 81 had
rods on the barn at the time OF the.
IL know" exclaimed the agent. II
know you had, and very likely that's
the reason you were struck. Nothing $
more likely TO attract lightning than
worthless rods"
"How do you know they were worth
less2"
why, ! was drivin' by YER in the
spring, aud | seen them rods,
and ! says Ia myself, that barnll be
struck some time, hut there's no use
tryin' to convince Mr.. keyser; NJ
didn't call. knowed il, because they
had iron tips. A Tod with iron tips "
NO better'n q clothes prop Ia ward oil
lightnin'."
THE man who sold them 10 me said
they had platinum tips remarked hey
ser.
"Ahi this wicked world, Mr.. keyser.
You cant he too cautious. some Oi
these yer agents lie like u gas metre.
It's awful, sir. They are wholly I'M
trustworthy. Them rods was the most
ridiculous | ever see. A regular gouge.
They want worth the labor II took TO
put 'em up. They want now, that's
the honest TRUTH"
"What kind do you PREFER
"Wcll, sir, I've got the only genuine
lightning rod that's made. It's con-
structcd on scientific principles. Prof..
Huxley says it's sure Ia run of the
electric fluid every time. Twisted char
coal iron, glass insulatOrs, eight points
ON each rod, warranted solid platinum.
We give u written guarantee with each
rod. Never had a house struck since
We began IN offer this rod to the public,
Positive TACT. The lightningn play all
around your house with one Of EN- and
never touch it,. A thundcr.st q that'd
tear the bowels out Of the American con
tinent would leave your house a. sale rs
q polar bear IN the middle OF an iceberg.
Shall | run you one up?'
81 don't know" said Keyscr, musing'
"Iu put YOU one up cheap, and then
you'll have somclhin' reliable. Some
thin that there's no discount on
"You say the old rod was u fraud
"Tho doadlicst fraud YOU ever heard
Of. 1t hadn't an ounce oi platinum
within a nile Of it. The man who sold
it ought To- hr prosecuted, and the Tel
low hat put 1t up without Insulators
should be- shot. It's too bad the iarm-
crs should be- gougcd in thus sort ut
way
"And Bolt y Burnum's rod is not a
fraud2'
"a fraud? Why, really, my dear sir,
lust east your eye over Prul. liuXleyB
letter aud these certificates, aud remem-
hcr that We give II "rdic1 gddrd"a''-a
positive protection, OF c0uiSe.
Just cast your eye over that, said
Kcvscr. handing him u piccc oi paper.
"Well, upon my word This Is indeed
somewhat-tha is to say II Is, "a 1t were
it loOks-it looks u little like one Ol
uur " certificates.
"Just 3d." said kcyscr. THAT old
rod was one Of Bolt X Barnum's. You
sold It To my son.in-law; you gave hun
the certificate; YOU swore ydSr plates
were platinum, aud your man put 1t
up "a,
"Ihen | suppose We cant trade?'
"Wcll | should think not, said hey
ser.
"Whcreupnn the a mounted the
rnd wagon aud moved on.