The Virginia star., 1880-03-27
Married Mans Indicator.

Miraculous inventions are the order OF
the day. Even Edison has been surpassed
by a genius who has invented what is
called married Mans Indicator" 1t Is
q wonderfully sensitive arrangement of the
ordinary thermometer, in convenient
pocket size, and Is graded to scale OF
cabalistic marks, which show the exact
state of the domestic atmosphere at any
hour of the night. The hard-worked and
belated husband arrives home, say about
midnight. He takes out his Indicator"
thrusts it in the keyhole, leaving 1t there
few seconds. Pulling it out quickly, he
scans the dial by the moonlight's fitful
cleaning. If it marks IS. A" (sound
asleep the poor husband pulls off his boots
noiselessly; uses his night-key with bated
breath; gives the door a quick shove to
keep it fromcreaking, steals trembling tobed,
and when his dear little wife wakes up
about two seconds afterward and wants to
know how long he has been home he is so
sound asleep that Gabriels trumpet couldn't
wake him. If the '1ndicator" scores ''A.
A. G.. B. ID. X. w. t." awake, awful
cross, but does not know wl.as time 1t isl,
the husband puts few more grains OF
coffee in his mouth; opens the door boldly;
walks in with slam bang al: hits his foot
Intentionally against a chair; wants to
know why the devil the chairs amt kept
out of the way; gets desperately mad on
general principles scares his wife clear
out of her crossness and intended curtain
lecture; refuses to let her get up and strike
a match-never did like a light at night,
nohow; remarks groffiy in response to a
tlmid query that '.it's about twenty-five
minutes after ten, and then turns into bed
with such an apparently awful state of
mind that the wife of his bosom is afraid
to speak to him-at which he is very sad,
of course. There are numerous other
marks on the Indicator. showing just where
it will do to "play the Lodge dodge" or
the ''sck friend;" or ''been standing on
the corner talking with so-and-so for more
than an hour" or General or Honorable
this or that from, you know where, was in
town, and had to go away on the two
o'clock train, and he insisted SO strongly
that the whole party stayed up to see HIM
off, although it was great bore, and we
only did it through courtesy. But the most
awfully awful of all the caballstic signs on
the dial is the one at the top, about two
marks above boiling point. When the
weary husband comes home about 4 a. M,
from the direction of the butcher-shop,
with roll of meat held high in the air, so
nat every one he passes can not fail to see
it, aud sticks the Indicator" il the key
hole, he is almost too weak to draw it out.
With hair on end he reads it by The faint
light streaming IN upon hiEss gsyss the
Eastern hills, and sweat breaks out ON ms
noble brow in drops as large as walnuts, as
he sees the bulb of the Indicator jammed
| smack up against 'tR. H. S. w. T. Y. J.
I. D." (red-hot and still heating and
| waiting for you just inside the door," The
| inventor of the instrument says that when
| this terrible misfortune overtakes man he
feels that there is nothing left in this life
worth living for, and appreciates the full
| force of those beautiful lines:
This word is all ieeting show
| For mans deluson given"
| He sings the meat out into the yard, anG
braces himself for the coming fray, bu
! says nothing, for nothing can be said Bt
he ever so gifted a liar, his Accomplishment
| is more than valueless. No lodge, no SICK
friend, no talking on the corner, no sitting
up to see the General of, no swearing tina
he will never do it again-in fact, nothing
will avail. 1t is an absolutely indefensiblt
case. He Is caught in adgro'ate detictO
Even the ghastly gaiety with which, two
hours previous, he had said to the boy
that he guessed he'd see it out now
might all we'll be killed for sheep as &
| lamb"-had all vanished. The indicator
having told him the exact situation ot
things he knows just what to do, and thai
is nothing, but get into bed al once ane
wrap the drapery of his couch about him.
| pull the pillow over his ears and wait fo
| his wifes breath TO give out It's awfu
while its last, but it has its use in relieving
the unfortunate husbands mind of part o
its load The Indicator Is a great inven
ton, and no family should be without one
For sale at all stores where they are kept.