The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-10-16

hens, do ye?'
"If Mr.. Hancock and Garfield run
sgainst each other. won't Mr.. Hancock
have the best OF it?"
"Why should he?" demanded Mr..
Spoonendyke.
,"'Cause hes so big. II they were run
ming together he'd get beat, cause he's toe
fat. He couldn't"
"Does anybody in the country know
what you're talking about? Doyou s'pose
they stand off and bump up against each
other like a couple Of freight trains2 Got
an idea they're going 10 roll up their
trousers aud run leg race? ! tell ye that
Hancock Is running for one President and
Garfield is stunning for another. Now dye
understand"
sob, that's 1t. Now begin to see into
it," remarked Mrs. Spoonendyke, Joyous.
~. $50 II you want to vote for two men
for the President you must vote for Eng.
lish and Arthur. understand 1t perfect
~ now. but"
"oh, yes, you understand it, don't ye7"
yelped Mr.. Spoonendyke. you're the
politician Of seven ages. All you need is
registration.book and brass band to be
whole political campaign. tell ye
Hancock Is running for President and so
Is Ga, field, and Arthur and English are
running for Vice.P President. Can you un.
derstand that?"
Eyes, / do; but do you think Arthur
and English will get it? l read in one :"
SECT 1t! They can't both get 1t. Only
one Of 'em Can get it." exclaimed MIR.
spoopendyke, suppressing his passion.
"What 'ye think the Vice Presidency is
"a pair OF pigeon holes? One Of 'em will
be President and the other Vice Presi'
dent. Now, can you bore that through
your skull and remember III"
"Why, Of course; but feel sorry for
poor MIR. Garfield and poor Mr.. Hancock.
They'll be awiully disappointed, but Of
cou!se we can't help 1t. Which will be
President, do you think, Mr.. Arthur or
Mr. Eng
"Dod cash III" raved Mr.. spoopendyke.
"You don't know enough to 60 to sleep
when you're tired. Didn't I tell you Gar.
field or Hancock will be President, and
English or Arthur Vice President? Say
it over until you can remember 1t. The
tickets are Hancock aud English. and
Garfield and Arthur. Comprehend
that?" a.
"Why, certainly. l saw those names
on the banners. I remember II now.
Which will be eIectedY -
THAT'S the question:" reloined MI
Spoopenkyke, sarcastically. III Mr.. Eng
llsh can carry his own State and Ohio, he
will be elected, but II Mr.. Garfield can
carry his own State and Indiana, he has
an excellent show"
"Wbat will Mr. Hancock and Mr.. Ar.
thur carry?' asked Mrs. spoopendyke,
with an air OF absorbing interest.
"CarryI" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
"they'll carry swill to the pigs, and that's
moIe n you know how to do. What dye
'spose they'll carry?"
~ suppose Mr.. Arthur will carry Mr.
Eneliah's State, won't he, and his own
And Mr.. Hancock will carry Mr.. Garfeld'f
Stale and Governors Ireland. Amt that
where he liyes2 don't see what they
want Of each others States. They ought
-
"Oh! you've got i'll" shrieked Mr..
Spoopenbyke. you've got It boiled down
You only need q heavy rain and the side
door OF barroom to be an election day
What you want Is lot OF blots on your
name spelled wrong to make poll.list
Didn't l tell ye that two Of 'em are run
ming against the other two, and the two
that get the most States will be- elected
And II man can't carry his own STATE
he's liable to be licked. Can't you under
stand that?' ...,.-.
II see; / see," said Mrs. Spoopendyke
"It's as plain as day. But suppose the!
all carry their own States, won't 1t b.
iunny?"
ale, he, he,p giggled Mr.. spoopendyke
with horrible Rrimaces. "Itil be the fun
niest thing ever known. II they do tina
YOU lust dramatize It. It'll beat nine cir
cuses 10 row. How's each going 10 carr!
his own State2 Think he'sgoing to turl
| il up on one end aud roll 1t Ike q hoop2'
II don't know" said Mrs. spoopendyke
rejecting. u don't exactly understand
how they ought TO know what they are go
ing to do before they accept the conyen
ton. read"
"who cares dod gasted cent what y,
read% pealed forth Mr.. spoopendyke
"You don't know enough about politics t
stuff chicken. Who said anything abou
any measly convention? Git into bed
will YEP You got an idea that you pu
candidates In a pot like turnips and pok
'em With fork. aud the one that's don
first Is elected. Obi you're right-you'v
got the sense oft. With your statesman
ship, all you want IL four amendment
and motion TO adjourn, TO be an act &
Congress-" and Mr.. spoopendyke cast hi
. clothing into corner, Topped into bed
, and pulled the clothes over his ears.
~ don't care" unused Mrs. Spoopen
, dyke, as she turned out tho gas and the
began putteriug around TO see II every
thing was all right; ~ know now that
Mr.. English carries Mr.. Garfield's Stat,
and Mr.. Garfield carries Mr.. English
State, II will go hard with Hancock an
Arthur, and Mr.. Arthur is such hanc
some man." and Mrs. spoopendyke side
into bed, planted her cold leet In the p
OF MIR. Spoopendyke's stomach. and WEI
TO sleep dreaming that that worthy vi
running for the office Of notary public al
had carried every State IN the Union, Ii
Guiding Governors Ireland"