The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-05-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Ohio idea Get office.
Growing Hayesey--Cullen's Congressional
prospects.
The center Of gravity-The lower button on a
Quakers vest.
The women who do fancy work don't fancy
work.-BostoH Transcript.
A lumbcrman's opinion: La Sale county must
be hard up for congressional timber II it can pro
duce nothing better than Cullns'.
Can any one improve his condition by whining
II not, whine not.-ROuie Sentinel
At a beer festival lately the following toast
was offered "Women-Second only to the press
in the dissemination of news"
During lesson in the life Of King David a
class Of girls was asked, "Who killed the giant"'
Whercupon one replied, Jack"
''ro what are we tendng?" asks the New Or.
leans PisaHtue. Can't say. You may be tending
bar for We all know to the contrary. "-Bosto,i
Post
Bill King tells very damaging tales about Ig-
natius Dom y hut he weakens the credibility
Of his stor ny saying that he refused one OF
Donnelly'. hes.
at is Ia to please man who does not wish
10 be lied about and who cannot bear to have the
truth told about him. ~ YonkerS Gdzctte.
The experienced married man not only shakes
the carpet, but he also shakes all other spring
house. cleaning by going to nciGhborng city for
a week on business"
The public rehearsal by Prof Furgo's class, at
the Court House, last Saturday evening, was par
tro,ieHce 80 Norris IRdcpeHieHt Par excellence"
OF course makes the sentence nonsense. We pro
test against such use of sanskrit.
The fact is now conceded that Spia dogs are
likely in peculiar degree, TO run mad. They
are specially given to hydrophobia, aud the upin.
ion is growing in favor that the whole race should
he cXtermnaLcd.-I'r. Wonder now. il DR..
Corbus, cf La Sale, don't own "a Spltz dog?
prof Ferguson will not lecture here this even.
my, as advertised, " said the chairman of a ten.
perance meeting at kncoln, ILL.,, Gas he is una.
'odably detained at Peoria" Being pressed for
particulars, the chairman explained that the pro.
fessor had been arrested for drunkenness, aud
sent to workhousc for forty days
What can be more beautiful than a tender
daughters love for her mother Said one OF
these sweet creatures, AS she brought an adyer.
tlsement for Kitchen help to be inserted in the
paper, wringing her dainty gloved hands so ]
do hope wen get one. 1t fairly breaks my heart
TO see mother wash dishes, and with the rheuma
tism too
Lag0w telegraphed to his wife at Palestine, III
20 20 TO the railroad station with hearsc TO meet
a certain train, he would then arrive dead She
did 20, and found him dead-drunk Angry al
his joke, and possibly disappointed, she had him
thrown into the hcarsc, in which she conveyed
him home.
Here is another hard Mutt for the temperance
people to crack. Commodore Mutt, the diminu.
tive specimen Of humanity who used TO travel
with the Tom Thumb show, has just started q
jrst-class liquor saloon In New York city.
The farmer turns the furrow
With a careless unconcern;
The fairness works the handle
OF the biz, oldfaShioned churn
Their soE sorts out the Eaters
For piantin in the cellar;
While
Their daughter on the back porch
is tGlkin' TO her Teller.
Gen. Grant was grossly ''insulted" on his re-.
cent visit 10 Springfield. A local livery stable
keeper, with whom Grant while loafing around
Springfield in 1861, had run up a livery bill
which no subsequent dunning could induce him
TO pay, boldly presented his bill to Grant a, the
Governors Mansion last week. To everybody
astonishment, Grant quietly paid the bill.
The following story may not be original here,
but we heard It told few days ago Of steator