Daily Republican., 1880-02-12

Right In the lOt pack against VI
end of the house."
"Will you not answer my question:
shouted the lawyer, turning ups hi
hair in desperation.
"What question:"
SIS the L Oh the east, vest, north o
south side of the house"
Judge, I've told you just as plail
as ever a woman could. | didn't com
here to bs insulted by no one hors
lawyer. know him and his father be
fore him. What kind Of a family
"silsncrl" thundered the Judge
Now, Mrs.-, which side Of tn,
house does the sun rise oni"
"That oue," said the prisoner indi
eating.
as the l. on that side!"
"Yes, SIR"
"Then it's on the east side"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you say 50 then'' ask
ed the exasperated lawyer.
"Cause you never asked me, you
thick headed old fool. | know a thing
or"
THAT will do, said Hubbard. Take
the witness, he added, turning to Tom
Wren, the opposing counsel.
There Is a hired girl at Jersey-not
New Jersey, or West Jersey, or South
Jersey, but the English Jersey-whC
won't play any more tricks on railroad
trains. This ia not because she's dead
as mcst persons are who play tricks on
locomotives, because she isn't dead AT
all. She stood on the track as an ex-
press train was coming along at full
speed, and quietly watched it. The
careful engineer whistled for her to get
off, but she wouldn't get, and Of course
he had to reverse the engine to keep
from killing her, thinking, perhaps,
she was crazy. When he stopped, jus,
in time, she laughed at him and ran
away. Then that engineer said some
lightning-express words, and had her
arrested. She had to pay little fine
Of about two dollars and a half, and
she has unanimously concluded that
the joke wasn't worth that much.
A Georgia traveller found an old col
ored man feeding strong. looking mule,
while his wife was ploWing with his
.wo daughters hitohed to ths plow. He
was asked to explain, and it turned out
hat the mule was mOrtgaged. The
Did moke said: "Boss, dis mule Is mine,
de- ole 'omau is mine, and de- gals il
mine. Nobody is gwine to fetch dem
away but il de morgum on dis mule
Amt raised dis fall, de white man will
send de Sheriff and take de- mule and
all Use got. So l thought I'd keep de
mule fat, and let de gals and de ole
oman work, and save dis hUss-fesh as
much as can, for if de wust comes !
kin ride off on de mule, and 60 some
Vhar else else to work. Dat's it, boss;
ie work won't hurt dc gals"
Tramps don't often go to church, but
me did so at Corona, Long Island, the
,ther evening. 1t was a Catholic church,
md trampy lay down behind a pew
md went to sleep. During the night
burglars broke in, and their operations
woke the tramp. Thinking they were
hosts, he gave yell, which brought
he priest, who was asleep in the paro-
hial mansion. The burglars also mis-
ook the trap for a ghost, and hurried
f, swearing they would never rob a
hurch again. The priest gave the tramp
ONE old clothes as reward.
As he sat at the front window on
unday evening, he claimed the right
D kiss for every shooting star. She
t first demurred, as became a modest
laiden, but finally yielded. She was
ven so accommodating as to call his
ttention to flying netoors that were
boat TO escape his observation, and
len got to "calliug" him on lightning
ugs, and at last got him down to
.eady work on the light of lantern
nat man was swinging about a depot
, the distance whore trains were
A congregation anxious to get rid of
leir pastor were considerably per-
lexed how to do it without hurting
is feelings. After considerable dis
lssion they concluded to inform him
ley were obliged to reduce his salary.
delegation was appointed to wait on
i'm and notify him of the fact. "Breth.
su," was his reply, "Ihave been with
Oh in prosperity, and | will never de-
srt you in adversely"
New way to make your debtors pay
p, just discovered by Vermonter;
atisnt applied for. He is merchant
nd lives at st. Johnsbury. He had
le names OF the delinquents painted
pom a sled, which was driven about
le streets, the list being headed
dead beats" In few hours after
le appearance of the sled two of the
ames were marked "paid." They
i'll always pay promptly in future.
Cod-livsr oil cured an old lady in
massachusetts, Of something or other.
no Latin for it, "Oleum Jecoris As
Iii. " was abbreviated, apothecary
yle, to Ole. Jec. Ass., and when
70 lady'a friends congratulated her on
covering, she said, enthusiastically,
it was that beautiful medicine, the
| of Jackass, that brought me on my
ct again"
There is'a certain Kentucky man who
ants to be appointed census enum-
ator. He is from the historic and
urdsrous Breathitt county, and in his
says he has bsen Sin
eft co. teechin schowl." He ought
have it to give variety to the census
port.