Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1880-01-01
FUNNYGRAPaS.

is a tie.--Chicago Journal.
How to drown q cat? In the water
pitch her.-Boston Transcript.
PRIDE hath two seasons: A forward
spring and an early fall.-N Y Neus.
The "Beautiful Dream" brand of
mince meat is about to be placed on the
market.
A NEVADA ball report says: "Miss
- was full of eclat; the eclat-est lady
present."
MANY time there's slip 'twixt the
cup and the lip, and heap of times
there isn't.
In the midst of life We arc in daily
receipt of the congressional record
Cheyenne LeadeT.
1T is very dangerous for any man to
find any spot on this broad globe that is
sweeter to him than his home.
PoET-" you want any Ct Il blank
verse;" "No, we don't want any of
your - verse;" says the editor.
The Frenchman who attended fox
hunt was asked where the meet came of:
Having been thrown, he replied that it
came off his hands and knees.
WHEN two women with new hats on
pass each other on the street there is
pair of back stares made immediately
Narration Independent.
YoUNa lady to gent whom she refuses
to recognizes:
We may meet but shan't see you,
There shall % one vacant stare
-6eubenville Herald.
The New Orleans Picayune feels dis
couraged for the country when consider.
ing the fact that the postal card is ID
years old and no bigger than when it
first started out.
"MoNEY," says Mr.. Talmage, els q
golden. breasted bird with silver beak."
He has eveidently been near enough to
it to throw salt on its tail.
MR. BYRON was once knocked up at
an unconscionable hour in the morning
by a friend. "Ah," he said, "a rose
two hours later would have been quite
as sweet.
"MEN often jump at conclusions"
says the proverb. So do dogs. One
recently jumped at the conclusion of 8
cat which was sticking through the
opening of a partly closed door, and ere.
ated great disturbance.
DID you ever notice the fact-of
course you have-that a tramp who
claims he has a trade but can get no
work at it, in the winter is brickmaker
and in the summer q lumberman or ice
sawye17-Lockport Union.
A BosToN paper says: GA butterfly
was caught at the South End yester.
day" It may be safe enough to catch q
butterfly at the south end, but when
you 60 to grab wasp you want to catch
it at the north end.
A HARTFORD young ne;E naan-Th33 via was
about to got raar.taaz has Irol-an Ihe
engagement because having watched bis
girl while in a hardware store he first
saw a pen-holder, and directly after a
cork'squeezer.
A WASHINGTON correspondent has
discovered that old salts do not marry as
quick as landsmen. This proves that
the man who is accustomed to salt breads
getting into pickle philadelphia
Chronicle Herald.
IT is said if you sit down when assail-
ed by ferocious dog, the beast will not
touch you. But the judicious man, says
the Boston 1ronscript, will select as high
a seat as possible-at the top of tall
tree, for example.
LAND steward to tenant farmer
"Well, Giles, what are you going to SOW
in here7" Farmer-"Ain't 'zactly
made up my mind, sir; but if we could
put in few stewards and land agents
they seem to thrive best on the land
nowadaysl" l"-London Fun.
A AscBooL-rEAcHER, who has just been
telling the story of David, winds up
with: "And all this happened over
g 900 years ago." A little cherub, its
ewes dilated with wonder, after a mo-
ment's thought, said: "Oh, dear, marm,
what a memory you must have"
A RETURNED New. Caledonian met
Victor Hugo the other day and cried to
him: elbow goes it, you gray-hai1ed
old cus?" Hugo clutched at the welkin
for a thunderbolt. "You gray-haired
old custodian of the peoples iberties!"
the man concluded. Hugo embraced
him with efusion.
docs he know anythingT" anxiousiy
inquired friend, bending over the body
of the man who had just fallen from the
roof. "Don't know, Pm sure" the
physician replied. "He never did know
ANYTHING, but you can't tell what effect
the fall may have had upon him until
he regains consciousness"
IT is said we shall soon be able to talk
to China by telephone. The next thing
will be- talking around the world; then q
man can say "hellcv here in Syracuse,
and pretty quick the same "hellop'
would come back and take him ght in
the ear. Great thing, the telephone
Syracuse Sunday 7smes.
If you will notice, you will find that
a lady on entering a railroad car, will
almost invariably take her seat beside
another lady, when possible. A
gentleman is very likely to make the
same choice, which shows that the tastes
of the two sexes are not 80 dissimilar as
casual observer might be led to expect
l-Boston Transcript.
AS a sedate old man entered railroad
car with his wife at Turo, CAL, flask
of whisky fell from his pocket. A pas
senger picked it up and Altered to return
it. "Oh, it isn't my husbands" the
woman said che never drinks or carries
liquor" "No, it's not mine," the mar
I added uneasily." At the next station
the couple left the train; but before il
started the passengers were amused t.
see the old man come back to claim th'
flask.
Or the late General Hooker the young
Hartford [Conn. clergyman, Mr.. Twich
ell, has been giving some interesting
personal "reminiscences. Mr.. Twichel
as chaplain, saw much of the genera
during the war, and sitting in his ten
one day he said, taking the advantage o
his position. "Now, general, why ar
| you continually thinking unpleasant
. things about SO many of these you
brother oficers7 You are getting ol,
, and We are all getting old, and even
y YOU don't like them very much. why no
overlook their failings and be friend
|, with them2' And the general beame
, with his gentle smile and replied
) ssThat's right, chaplain, that's all right,
/ as much rs to say, & That is the eminent
" proper, thing for you in your positio
| e De- IN on,a}irrpoA Se10o'