The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-08-27
COMICALITIES.

| At THE PICNIC.
| And one fair maid the queen Of all,
Hath on her brow frown;
She fears her pride will have fall,
Her back hairs coming down.
And one brave youth has sadder thoughts
Than ever yet were spoke,
| His mind In full Of woe, because
| His back suspender's broke.
salem Sunbeam
And still another youth Ia here,
| With frenzy In his eye.
Behold his yellow-seated pants!
Behold that custard pie.
A CHAMPION rower-The lions.
SARAH BERNHARDT hears that Boston
is a fine country"
The Stratford, Ont, Herald thinks
Tanner has "patent inside"
The motto Of successful California
miner: MacKay while the sun Shines"
No nav, thank your as the fish,
erman said to the shark as he was about
to take him in.
GEORGE Ills crown weighed seven
pounds; Victoria's only weighs nineteen
ounces.
"BUMr Upon the Bluffs is the title
of recently issued novel. It's not ded-
icated to Gen. Schenck.
The Norristown Herald says: OF all
SMILES, "A cloud no bigger than mans
hand carries off the palm.
"LITTLE Lily" wants to know what
bottine is. It is 81 shoe, Lily, with
$3 added for the French name.
WHEN a storekeeper announces arti-
Giles ut the "cost price" he often means
at the original price with lie added.
AN exchange says: every few hens
lay ut the point of death" Perhaps
they would If they could see the point.
MEN are frequently like tea-the real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out until they have been in hot
water.
WHEN Emperor William went to the
art exhibition at Dusseldorf, and all was
solemn silence, parrot remarked: "Oh,
my God, how thirsty ami"
A HADDENPILD (Cape May sign reads:
I" Is cream salon cakes prettZells and
canddy and cigars oisters and lodging
and horses wattered constantly on hand"
A New YORK restaurant keeper hangs
ont the following sign: CDR. Tanner
took square meal here before begin
ming his fast" y.. g..i
"BREAD is the staff OF life." If any
body doubts the truth of this assertion
let him put loaf where tramp can get
at it, and then observe him get over the
ground. .... ...... rH
doctor" said careful wife to the
practitioner, who was cutting open her
husbands shirt as he was in fit of apo
plexy, "cut, if You please, along the
seam" .r.f....
BosToN girls battle with perfect secur-
ity from sharks. They merely put on
pair of blue spectacles, and look intel
lectual, and the sharks light out for
deep water. .... .
THIS is the season of the year when
the average tourist is reported as return
ing home "brown as a berry, BY the
bye, what kind Of a berry is il that's
brown. .......sg
A SOUTHWESTERN editor, speaking of q
large AMI fat contemporary, remarked
that if all flesh was grass, he must be
load Of liay. sc expect am" said the
fat man, from the way the donkeys are
nibbling at me-" .,.G,
A GENTLEMAN ut one Of the hotels split
some milk on his coat and wondered If il
would leave grease spot. "irease
spot?" queried the fellow-boarder.
"Well, l should say no. Look for chalk
marks when it dries up"
The last piece of rustic laziness ell
countered by out-of-town correspond
ents is that of the man who, being asked
what allied his eye, answered. "Nothin';
/ shut it coz can see we'll enough with
one. Sometimes shut one, sometimes
t'other."
The gentlemanly caterer at the camp
meeting, who charges you IS cents for
15-cent breakfast, is requested to start
for the anxious seat" before he is cut
off in the midst of his awful sins. We
notice that the ministers think he is past
praying for.-NeW Haven Register.
A PREACHER at o Sunday-school ex-
cursion described heaven as an eternity
of picnics-and several young men men,
bers of his congregation, who lugged
baskets weighing nearly ton each, and
climbed high trees to put up swings.
have left church.-NOrristO,on Herald.
JUST now the newspapers are teeming
with the paragraph, Don't drink ice
water when you are hot, and it is one
that should be regarded by all. The
time to drink ice water is along in the
dead of winter when it is tight scratch
to keep from freezing to death.
An Hungarian exhibited in phreno-
logical museum two skulls of different
proportions. "Whose. is the large
skull ?" asked spectator. at belonged
to the celebrated Attilla, king of the
Huns" "And the small one?" "Also
to Attilla, but when he was o child"
"Do you believe in second love, Mr..
McQuade?" edo I believe in second
love? Humph! II q man buys pound
of sugar, isn't it sweet? and when it's
gone, don't he want another pound? and
is't that pound sweet, too? Troth,
Murphy, I believe in second love-"
A GENTLEMAN who is taking breakfast
in restaurant is much annoyed by the
waiter, who is impudent and inattentive:
"My FRIEND" said he at last, "don't be
quite SO uncivil. You don't know what
may be in store for You. You may be q
customer here some time"
AT O celebration back in the country q
female orator arose and begun: "This
is our one hundred and fourth anniver-
sary." A wicked young man away back
in the crowd yelled out: "Good Lord!
you don't look that old."-Quincy Mod
ern ArgO. n aHi'Han,
A STRANGER calling at the house of
gentleman the other day, met German
friend at the gate and inquired of the
latter: els Mr.. imp EYES," was
the reply. When about to pull the bell
the Teuton called him back and said:
"He is in, but he is det."'
We notice that a Coney island cornet-
list claims that he plays four new solos O
day. Undoubtedly this II the secret Of
the cause of the vast amount of dead fish
found along the coast. -Lockport Union.
This is enough to make every solo-owe
the conetist q grudge.
LOUISE NJ. ALcorr says that I" Love is
flower that grows in any soil; works its
sweet miracle undaunted by autumn
frosts or winter SHOWS, blooming fair and
fragrant all the year." Fiddlesticks!
Love won't do anything Of the sort un-
less you keep it in hot house or where
it can't freeze. a 10y b.
SwARMs OF these little italian fddlers
have alighted in Paris, Give one Of
them couple Of sous and he will put
them in his pocket, laugh in your face,
and say Immediately: sd" That's not
enough to induce me to 60 away" And
then he viii scrape with redoubled ener-
gy. "Here are ten sous, said man to
one Of them the other day. "NOw 60
and annoy that gentleman over there"
81 can't" was the reply, she has sent
me to you"