Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-10-23
WOMAN IN COURTSHIP.
New York Tines.l

1t is generally believed that, IN nup .ial mat
tiers. man always proposes and thai woman
simply n accepts-uniesss she hsppens t, decline
fenslve, In every campaign OF amatory war.
Woman Is often pttied because, as is said. she
cannot choose; because she must wait to be
asked before she can reveal her preference or
unmask her heart. Pathetic pictures are fire.
quently drawn OF the agonizing positions In
Whlch she Is placed between her yearning love
and her constrained reserve. Happiness might
be hers with a single word But she may not
speak 1t, or even look it. Her sex, tmmured In
custom and COnventiOnality, must abide the
him her destiny for veal or woe. II he pro-
poses, she Is blessed II he is SILENT fearing she
loves him not, she is wretched; necessarily de-
barred, as she is, by sexual delicacy from hint
ing that she adOreS him With her whole SOUL
Thus the lives OF women are senumentally
wrecked, and for the reason that social canons
compel them to hide the best and highest emo
lions OF their nature.
So the relations OF men and women are com.
monty understood and continually described In
fiction. But the facts are divergent Men
themselves. are not imposed upon by this pre-
sentation. Women have vastly more 70 do
with the disposal of their affections and of
their connubial selves than is vulgarly thought
They are neither the simpletOns nor the mega
tive creatures which convention and literature
make them out They have greater shrewd-
ness. correcter tntuitiOns, keener insight, than
men have in many things, especially 10 what
ever pertains to affinities of sex or sentfm antsl
situations. Not one man in hundred, even
after wide experience. is match for them
there he may pride himself on his skill in
ways and idtosyncrasieS, buS they viii be
pretty sure to checamate him before many
moves. They must secretly laugh at the affect
lug scenes painted by playWrightS and novel
lists, in which they are portrayed as martyrs of
the heart from Introduction of their speech
They are well enough aware that they can
even dispense with words If need be; that they
Stin hay MN hor WI aaII n
mold man to their Will
Almost any woman outside of clolster feels
that, up to certain point, she is the equal, If
not the superior, Of any man when they are
constantly gaining victories over him; he Is
largely at her mercy, when she belongs to so
csety and has had opportunities OF acquaintance
with the world. II she cares to bring him to a
declaration, to secure him for husband. she Is
very apt to accomplish her object. She has TO
walt TO be WOOed? Not unless she wants to.
Trust her to evoke the wooing her own good
time. She does not herself propose, except
rarely. In direct form, though she has Countless
methods OF impelliDg man to propose, at least
In substance. Ii she be at all Interesting aud
clever she can marry whOmSOever she chooses
and she is entirely conscious Of her capacity Ia
that way. Men of experience are equally con-
Scious Or the fact, too, aud II they are firmly re
solved against wedlock they should seek safety
10 absence or In flight They probably remem
Der scores OF their friends who, after dedicattng
themselves to bachelOrhood, have been grace
fully handed over to matrimony and received
matIimonially by the very women they had al
out dreaming OF any nearer tie.
There is no reflection in all this on the deli
cacy or gentleness OF woman. 1t Is perfectly
natural and proper that she should employ her
subtler instincts and finer arts in cOurtship
and its concomitants against the aggressive
strength and wider world knowledge OF man.
She. like all the weaker animals, resorts to In
genuity and stratagem to balance, so far as she
can, the greater force and vantage OF the other
sex. Men are favored by nature, custom. so
c1ety, laW-certain disabilities are fixed and tr-
removable In her-and she requires social and
Spiritual weapons to prevent The unequal bat
tie from always going against her. For the or.
0lnafy secular contests, In the strife for place,
rewards hOnOrS, she must ever be more or less
disqualified. In settling her future, as respects
marriage, and her mate. she is completely en-
Iranchlsed. That Is, indeed her speciality and
she aValls herself OF every means to such an
end.
She thinks of wedlock twenty times as much
as man does. She has ampler reason to think
OF it, for IL is altogether more important to her
than TO him, and is In the direct line OF her na-
tufe and destiny. Consequently, when any
man shows sail In the social offing, she pre-
pareS Tor action, as IL the engagement would
be Inevitable and desperate. He may be on
another course; he may steadily increase the
distance between them; she may never catch
another glimpse OF his whitening canvas But
1t is comfort TO her to have been ready to
think what she might, could, or would have
OoGC 1du uc uOiuc UONu UpOu anu Clal-
ltDged her to combat On the high seas OF
possible matrlmony, single WoIilan believes
that every unmarried mans sail, whatever flag
ne may DE lying, covers cargo OF goods that
may be turned 10 connubial account.
The average woman, In her disposition TO-
ward wedlock and her general prOmptness to
embrace 1t is not moved by mere selftshness, by
the sole thought Of bettert.g her condition.
She has such exalted and unWavering faith In
the excellence Of the institution for every hu-
man being that she fancieS, when she Is ar.
ranging for husband, that he, in the event of
her catching him, Will be fully as much bene-
flied by the change, regardless Of his captor,
as she possibly can be. There is missionary
element in all her nuptial plans. and as she
stands at the altar, flushed with the remem-
brance OF final re3ompense for her adroitness
her labor, and her pains, she re1oices distinctly
that she has been the means OF bringing anO
ther vagrant to the connuDial fold.
We have spoken Of woman's full equality, If
net superiority, to man, In their emotional re-
lations up to a certain point. That point is
the Inflammation Of her own heart. If she
won't fall In love with him until he has fallen
In love with her; il she will judiciously keep
little behind his passionate advance, she need
not fear-nOr does She-that she will not win.
When man enters the lists against her, her
lance Is pretty certain to unSeat him: but,
once Overthrown, she Is happy to be his Q leen
OF Love and Beauty-at least until the tourna-
ment Is over.