The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-05-27
SBFftt-1-BRAC,F,

"A mule Is tame enough in front
but awtUlly wild behind.
Can anyone improve his condition
BY whining? Ifnot whine not.
--"Pm u moderate drinkor" asserted
an old topper: 81 only take ono drink
at time"
Tho ncXt move of tho Nihilists
will be to get the Car to fool around
thrcshing machine.
The Boston Post saws the way to
retain your footing when Il Eoat
charges is to sit down.
The man who built his house out
his poker winnings says that his res j.
dcncc was built on q "bluif."
~-Faber has made q great deal of
money from lead pencils; which is tho
difference between Fabcr and report.
crs.
-"You arc man after INV own
heart" as the blushing maiden COLI
1csscd when her lover proposed mar
riage.
The Omaha XcroM says drink
of Council Bluffs whiskcv will make u
man 20 OH to some secluded spot and
rob himself.
-DcadWo obituaries state that
"thc deceased was of an unobtrusivc
nature" when he didn't poke into
more than three fights a week.
-"Whcn [ die" said q weary hus-
band, 81 want to 80 where there arc
no more fires to make" "PerhaDs Won
may" said his good wifc.
"A man will remember q broken
1tn,
put that doesn't make broken leg
much longer than favor.
An intelligent composition saws ga
horse that is divided against itself can
not stand" We should say so-unlcss
the horse is q mule.
1t is q noticeable fact that salt cod
fish and hei ring always are promi-
ncnt feature i'll a bar-tcnlcr's spread Of
q free lunch.
Now that diamonds can be made
by the process of chemistry. it will be
hard to distinguish the common Deo-
pie from editors.
Senator Davis, Of West Virginia.
now u millio, .airc, used to be q rail
road brakeman. lie made his money
by not slamming the doors Of the cars.
"A Young lady named Sheep
changed her name to Lamb before she
had been in Michigan thirty-six hours.
She went West in quest of youth.
"a New Jersey colorcd man, whose
wife led ,"H h:.:, said: 'tSS..o would
come back if tiowcd her some sugar:
put l amt trowin' 10 sugar, do YOU
hcah?
-"Whcrc arc YOU going, nv little
man?" "ro school," N0u learn to
rcad~ 'No." 'To count?" mo"
"What do you do?" 81 wait for school
to let out"
An Ohio man was killed by n fall
ing beam while at work tearing down
distillcry, and the people of that re-
gion sec in it righteous warning to
others.
-"You wanta nogging-thot's what
you want" said parent to an ,,nrmlv
son. 81 know it, dad; but Pn trv and
get along without it," returned the in
dependent hopeful.
The teacher Of Sundav-schoolI
class inquired if any one could tell
who went into the ark with tic ami
mails. Alittle fellow said, "P. II. Bar
num-"
Tho man who will wait two hours
for his turn in the burbers chair. will
get mad and thrash and scold if q shirt
button isn't scwcd on in just ten Sec
onds.
DE Lcsseps estimates that tho
brooklyn bridge will last for six cen
turles. We shall watch tnat bridge
with some curiosity to SEQ Just how
near he hits it.-Boston Tiunscyipt.
-1ou,vc perhaps noticed this. The
Boston Post says people ALWAYS svm.
pathiZe with the under doc in firht.
but they bet their money on the other
animal.
When a father fears that his
daughter is going to miss good catch,
nc just notifies the young man to keep
away from her, and in less than no
time the youth is moving heaven and
earth to get the girl.
This is tho season of the year when
young people 60 to the woods to eat
truit-cake AMI pickles out of tho same
plate. Tho proper name for these cx-
cursions is picnics.
--Profcssor-"Will vou mention
some liquor that is lighter than wa-
teri: Junior-"Alcohol." Professor
"Can you mention any other with
which YOU are familiarr' Junior i'm
mcdiatcly searches for club.
,-Commodorc Mutt, the woll-known
dwarf, is said to have kissed more
girls than any man in America. .-B0s-
ton Post. We did not know that the
commodore had turned to bc a Brook
lyn preacher
"A man with the delirum trcmens
was picked up in Bridgeport. He first
gave his residence as Danbury. but
drunk as he was he realized how i'm
probable that sounded, and immedi-
ately substituted New Haven.
Men have said, curiosity, thy
name is woman, vengeance, thy name
is woman, and several other things.
Perhaps after all, woman is everything
ana we never thoroughly learn any
thing until she teaches it to us by her
intensity.
Annette wishes to know how nm
earthquake feels. Let her start pa-'
per and write up several prominent
muscular citizens, in FREQ lance STYLE,