Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1880-08-28

MT. Nasty, Details the Trouble That
Ensued by Defective Machinery at
HancOck's Headquarters.
GOVERNORS ISLAND,
witch is in the State NV Moo York;
August 6, 1880.
The newspapers ere full Nv an akkOunt
Nv Gen. HancOck's faintin in the pres
ence Nv two .delegashuns witch called on
him.
The trOO history Nv the case is this:
We have electric arrangement from
the ante-rOOm where l stand to the gem
erals rooms. Thee are 80 keys marked
with the states and the shades Nv Opln-
yum which make up the dlmekratlc par
ty. This one is marked moo YOrk-hard
money" anOsner ''LOOzeaner- secesh,
and so on.
My dOoty is to admit only one party at
a time to see the general, and to notify
him in advance wat principles the visit
in party perfesses. that our candidate
may make no mistakes.
For instans, there comes man from
Pennsylvania. 1t is my duty to find
what his nOshuns are on the tariff. ]
ask him, to begin with, how trade is. He
ansers, Bully" Then | say, show does
the presenttarif work for your" He seq
"Bully" wunst more, and then l know
all about it. He is interested in manu-
factors, and is a high tariff man.
Then the matter looks comparatively
simple. fetch a key witch is marked
"Pennsylvany-tariff,'' and send BIN
/, into the presence, and Gineral Hancock
knows eggsactly wat to say to
him, and he SEE it, and sends him away
happy.
Eff the visitor is from Il,inOy, and hap
pens to be free trader, a key is fetched
so labeled, and the gineral also knows
wat to say to him.
The same rOOl applies to all other yisi-
tors. We hey ez many keys ez there are
shades of NV opinion in the party. II
requires gigantic intellect to keep the
run NV EN-, and that is why Okkepy
that responsible pOSishun.
! Nv course / make mistakes occasion
ally, for no man kin keep the track NV
SIGH diversity NV Drinsiple. ded teeth
the key marked "Wor Dimekrat-" for a
secesh major from LOOseaner, and he
came out in a towering rage at beln in
formed by the gineral that he sh0od
never be satisfied till every man witch
bore arms in the cOnfederacy has passed
away, that he mite hevpeace, and it wuZ
a mistake when fetched the key markt
"COnfedracy' and sent in Wisconsin
farmer witch he'd he'd two sons killed at
Antietam. The old man didn't like to
be told that COnfedrit s0ljers shOOd hey
the same penshuns ez the northern hire
Inns witch invaded the south so brOOtal-
ly.
But the trouble referred to okkurred
yesterdy. There come delegashun Nv
wide-hatted men from Maine and In
jeanny, witch wantid to consult the gen.
eral ez to his views ON the CRATE queS-
ton Nv unlimited greenbax, and jist at
the same mint Their cum a delegashun
from the city NV Moo York witch wuz a
gOin to demand expreshun ez to hOnlst
money. s.
insistid that but one delegashun
shoOd go i'm one at time, and as the In
jeanDy men wuz neerest the door,
fetched the soft money key, and asked
them i'm. The hard money men hustled
them aside, and thinkin they would
push in first, fetched, the hard money
key. This demOralized the General, and
= to add to the horror NV the accident they
both pushed past me, and rushed In al
together.
Then scene ensoOd witch battles de.
scripshen.
'Wat.we want to know sed the spokes-
men Nv the Injeany and Maine delega-
shun, lis, in the event NV OOr eleckshun
is the kentry to hev Unlimited money
and consekent prosperity.
wat we want to know" sed the he'd
Nv the Moo York delegashun. is, if tn,
dimOcIacy succeeds are we to hey hOnis
money, and is the Nashnel debt to b.
paid in gold?" 80 ssf.r 49,
The Gineral turned. pale and looked a
me implorinly. He wuz not excl to tn,
emergency, but wuz. whispered il
his ear faint" and seezed him in m,
armes. Takin the hint he drawd Ions
sigh, and fell out Nv his cheer, senseil
to all appearances.
Gentlemen sed /, "our. noble candi
date hez bin oyerworkked> and nache
asserts herself. Will 700 please retir
, while bring him tO?"
Il They went out, and theGineral got uI
"Are they all gomez" he asked.
? "They are. all gomez sed |.
J sThere must be a new plan fixed" SCI
he. can't keep on faintin in this wa
till the first NV November: The mex
time this happens shel faint in de-
earnest, and it will be no sham"
wat we shell do don't know. 1t WI
seiestid that our candidate take an ex
tended European trip, but eff he doe
that we lose the effeck Nv his super
face and figger, witch is wat we nomina
ted him fur. Eff we keep him here an
yOotilize that, we run the risk Nv hayI
him talked to, which is fatile. We ha
the matter under cOnsultashen now, bu
hev not bin able to come to any clOshen
= wish to heaven Good be keeper TO
Garfield. His man hez soft thing o
it. The cussed Republicans hewitt bu
one set Nv Opinyuns, and Their amt N
trouble about that. Garfeeld's dOOrkeeI
er he sets and admits everybody withou
askin no questions, and heZ nOthll
whatever to do ceptin to say walk in
gentlemen" And they go in, and Gar
field talks to all Nv 'em, and Their ain
no rows and no financeerin, nor N
nothin. 90 -
1t requires more engineerin to be
,Dimekrat. We have too extensive Sc
euvprinciples, and they require too graf
a straddle to kiyer them all. l wish t
heaven the first NV November wuz here
This kind of thing is altogether to
wearin on a not OverstrOng cOnStltOC
shen. PETROLEUM v. NASBY.
Eggshaustid.)