The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-03-11
WIT AND WISDOM.
A dear little thing-The diamond.

an unlucky blow.
Creditors and POOR relations neyercall
at the right moment.
Aman cares little for his wrongs when
getting his funeral rites.
1t is only tho female ser who a rip,
darn and tear without being considered
proiane.
Gentility is said TO be eating meat
with q silver fork, when the butcher is
not paid.
How soon popular songs become old.
Even now MY Grandfather's Clock may
be classed among the old time pieces.
The young lady who vas blamed for
allowing her glove to be discovered in a
young mans pocket, stated that she had
no hand in it.
A bashful printer refused a situation
in a printing Office where females were
employed, saying he never set up with
girls in his life.
Nothing is lost by being polite. A
Virginia paper speaks we'll Of the last
murderer turned of because he bowed
like a perfect gentleman to the sheriff.
How is your wife, Mr.. Smith, Says
Smith, pointing TO where his wife sat,
in the next room, at work upon his coat
She's sew-sew.' Mr.. Jones: oh, ! see;
she is mending, sure enough
A hardy seaman, who had escaped one
of the recent shipwrecks upon our coast,
was asked by a good lady how he felt
when the waves rolled over him. He
replied: Wet, ma'am: very wetl'
Julia asks, will you please tell me
what Mrs. Hayes wore at her New
Years reception Yes. we'll tell you,
She wore clothes. If you had q bet,
Julia, that she didn't you have lost.
This is a good time for charitable feel
ings; and we hereby forgive all our
enemies. We hope they will stay for
given; but We warn them that they will
have to behave themselves mighty
sharp.
Il say, ma exclaimed a little mink Of
thirteen, do you know what the pyro-
technical remedy is for a crying infant ?
Gracious goodness me No, I never
heard of such a thing We'll, ma, it's
rocket
During the riots in London in 1880,
many persons, in order to ave their
houses, wrote on their doors No
Plopery.' Grimaldi, the clown. to pre-.
vent all mistakes, wrote on his No
religion
A little Waterloo Sunday School
scholar was asked by her teacher,
What must people do in order to go to
hcaven?' Die, I suppose replied the
little one. The teacher did not question
her any further.
A dandy, while being measured for a
pair Of boots, observed: Make them
cover the calf Heavens + exclaimed
the astonished artist, surveying his Gus
toner from head to foot, L haven't
leather enough
BY SIX causes a fool may be known
Anger without cause; speech without
profit; change without motive; inquiry
without an object; putting trust in a
stranger; and wanting capacity to dis
tinguish between friend and foe.
DIR. Lambert says that cranoerriss,
with their malic and citric acid, are good
for those living in malarious Places
Cranberry jelly he especially recon-
mends, as The seeds and skins i~rritate q
weak alimentary canal.-Dr. Foote's
Monthly for January.
Adult clergyman, having written some
observations on Shakespeore's plays,
brought a specimen Of his work to
Sherid; II and asked his opinion Of it. i
wonder people won't mind their own
affairs said Sheridan; you may spoil
your own Bible, il you please, but let
alone
A clergyman in New Orleans was
~agreeably surprised to find a plump
turkey served up for bis dinner, and in
CURED Of his servant how it was obtain
ed. why, SIR replied Sambo, dat
turkey has been roostin' on our fence
three nights; so dis mornin' I eeized BIN
for de rent OBJ de fence
Papa said he, as he was shown some
pictures in q book Santa Clsus had left
him, papa, why does camels have such
big lunches on their backsT The in
formation received not being satisfac-
tory, he at length solved the d.naculty
himself. why, I know, papa said he,
It's SOS they'll be camola.' Which must
be the reason.
Matrimony il sometimes terribly uu-
canny. A Scotch girl appeared at the
house Of q clergyman on several occa-
sions with a man who was intoxicated.
The clergyman, out Of patience, asked
her why she brought the man in that
condition. III you please, sir was the
naive reply, its because he won't come
when he's SOBER
Young man, perseverance will win you
riches. We knew q young man in our
school days who was as poor as the
Legendary church mouse. But he worked
faithfully, perseveringly and earnestly
upon the affections Of o young girl with
a hundred thousand dollars, and, marry
ing, Le became rich in a single day.
xAraauawa