The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-03-27
Correspondence Baltimore County Union.
THE MACHINE" AGAIN AT WORK.
It Grinds Out Sensible Prose and Poetry
mot too Good but" &c.


Messrs. Editors why is it that some persons
seem to imagine themselves completely "fnished"
if they sputter out few sentences of wretch
ed, unntegbe French or jaw breaking German,
and yet can scarcely speak write correctly two
sentences of our own terse, strong, Saxon tongue
Are our people so generally and constantly visit
ing Paris and other portions of the Continent as
to make familiarity with their vernacular a
| sity? / think not, and yet there are those
amongst our School Boards very learned men too,
or supposed to be such, who insist upon having
these foreign tongues taught in public schools,
making Parisans of our little street gamins to the
neglect Of our own English grammars. Would it
not be far better for the youth of this country to
be made thorough masters of our own language
rather than to be taught smattering of languages
for which they can scarcely hope to have any
need, and the necessarily meagre acquaintance
with which will always serve only to mako them
appear ridiculous? man or woman who can I'M
derstand and manage the capabilities of our whole
some vernacular can talk all round Frenchman,
be he ever agile. To illustrate the said capa-
bilties, in speaking of who squints is
eyed it is often said che looks two ways for Sun
day." when, by drawing from the boundless store
houses of Webster Ollapod, we might express
the same idea in vastly more elegant diction, as
thus some toho, upon account Of the obLiquity Of
his vsion natal defect is forced to scrutinize an
duple directions for the Christian Sabbath" Or
this: "Put beggar ON horseback and he will ride
to the devil" might be thus rendered "Eleuate
mendicant upon the uppermost section Of an equine
and he aciH transport himself to Apotlyon." $50
to the devil and shake yourself" should read:
"Proceed to the arch enemy Of man and agitote
your person." @. E. D.
The foregoing, Messrs. Editors, is merely intro
ductory to the advertisement of our new machine
(patented) for constructing Spring or Winter
poetry. Come, Eph. throw her into gear and let's
try something sentimental. Tighten the tension
and let her rip!
There spotted hog
That used to roam the street.
He was as fair and fat pig
As one would wish to meet.
His name, his race, his business here
Have ever been in-cog,
There seemed to be some mystery
About that spotted hog
He used to eat the scraps
Flung from the kitchen door,
And thus kept always sleek and fat
Whilst other pigs were poor
But now he's disappeared
He's gone, no one kens how,
Perhaps the "ketchers" took him up,
But that's no matter now.
Howeer be met his fate
Bravey he bore the brunt
We've lost him from the alley gate,
We miss his grateful grunt.
His name, his race his mission here,
Were hidden in fog,
There always was some mystery
About that spotted hog.
Hold up, Eph stop her the rhyme cOgs want
lubricating and the weeping valve is too loose.
One special advantage this machine possesses
over the ordinary run of Spring poets is that any
little Irregularities in metre. rhyme or grammar
are rendered almost imperceptbe. Our machine,
having been thoroughly overhauled during the
past winter, is now in perfect running condition,
and we are prepared to furnish Spring poetry of
most approved style and finish, in large or small
quantities, at lowest figures and upon shortest
notice. As we anticipate large demand editors
of country papers are requested to apply early
Terms strictly cash. Office No. 30, shady side of
the street. Truthfully yours, VAGABOND.
BALTIMORE, 22d March, 1880.