The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-04-07
WAITS AND WHIMS.

RULE tor a man who would purchase
a good watch--by its works you shall
know it.
The trouble with the midnight cat
is not so much that it cannot sing
as that it firmly believes it can.
IT need not be inferred that railway
companies are scared because they have
been making tracks so rapidly.
DEATH loves a shining mark, )" which
is perhaps the reason why a dead mack
eral shines on moonlight night.
THE Picayune remarks that when a
man is out of money any change that
may come to him is for the better.
WESTERN papers are discussing the
question, "ShalI married women workT
The husband Of the period will answer
that question in the affirmative.
"WILL you name the bones of the
headY' said the teacher to one of his
class at Medical College. "Pve got
'em all in my head, teacher" re-
piled the pupil, "but I can't give
'em."
"YoU promised to pay that bill yes
terday," said an angry creditor to q
debtor. Yes" calmly replied the
other, "but to err is human, to forget
divine, and forgot it."
The conductor of a railroad train in
New York State thought he spited
couple of lovers by starting out two
minutes ahead of time. They had to
walk eight miles, but the girl said she
wished it was twenty.
THERE is no good reason why the
names of the months should not be
changed and Americanized. How much
more consistent it would be to substi-
tute Nip-and-Tuck for January, and
SlOsh- Around for April.
THERE is always an irrepressible con-
fict going on in ones mind when he
sees a small boy taking his first smoke,
as to whether the boy is smoking the
cigar, or the cigar is smoking the
boy.
A WATERLOO woman thought she
got the best of a tin peddler the other
day when she smuggled about twelve
pounds of old copper and two sections
of lead pipe into the rag-bag and stuck
them upon him at two cents per pound.
A CHINESE student at Andover wrote
in lady's album the following version
of a well-knOwn pe0m:
How doth the little sting bug
Improve every sixty minutes
All the day.
GOpickee up sting hug juice
FTam flowers just got busted
Norfolk County Gazette.
A LADY recently had a premonition
that as sOon as she printed her first
volume of poems she would die. The
premonition was fulfilled. We would
earnestly call the attention of a large
number of poetical young ladies and
gentlemen to the fact that things gener-
ally happen without any premOnitiOn
at all,
The young ladies of Washington are
debating how they shall effectively re-
buke the ill-bred men who stare at
item in the street cars and stages. Easy
enough. Poke the point of your para
sol handle into their eyes. A man, no
matter how ill-bred he may be, loses his
appetite for starring after he has an eye
punched out three or four times. Or
the young ladies might walk.
THEY sat upon the sandy beach,
And gazed upon the
When are the waves called angry waves2"
ConuT Tdrumly asked she.
" Called angry waves her beau replied,
'TwiXt wonieTment and doubt;
II give il upI" "Why, then, p she cried,
"Its when the waters-pOutp
-GaHSGS CitV Times.
JENNIE SMITH and Rev, Hayden are
lecturing
THERE are three hundred and eighty
theatres in the United States, and more
building. And churches are building at
the same rate. The devil is working
hard to keep pace with the times. You