The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-11-24
FLOATING FANOIEs,

There was a young man of Elmira
Who courled the lovely Elvlra;
But her father was rash,
And out through the sash
The youth made sudden hegira.
The London Hour insists that Modieska
IS not q Pole, but an Irish woman. whose
real name is Magee.
She isavery fair" said Atom, gazing at
the actress. eyes" said Molecule, looking
at the powder, ''Vanity Fair
There is always music in the air durino a
Presidential campaign, for every paper that
isn't SET down as an organ is bulletined as q
Tyre.
Well. now, shall we go right along and
cut down the army a little more, or will he
feel too lonesome if we discharge the other
one?
The average man complains more about
his church subscriptions in a week than he
does about his political expenses in six
months.
The Danbury News man never becomes
discouraged when he is eating a piece Of
tough veal, but is thankful that be met il
while it was young.
full many a gem of spurious ray serene
The spotless shirts of hotel clerks do bear!
Full many a simple, ignorant sardine
believes them purest stones of value rarel
why did King Henry never smile gain?
asked the teacher. "Maybe," suggested the
boy at the foot Of the class, ''because he
Joined the red ribbon club
washington was the father Of his conn
Try and Vanderbilt is its uncle. At least he
has loansd to it and has got its bonds for
about one-fourth Of all it has borrowed.
1T is always well to leave something for
those who come after US, /" as the rowdy said.
the other night, when he threw an emptv
barrel before the officer who was in purs,,it
of him.
In these days of liberalism and democracy
Kings and queens would not amount to much
1t 1t were not for the little games of poker,
and other pastimes, in which they play an
important part.
"A Newspaper Mans Sad, Sad Fate" is
the title of q toudhing article which we did
not read. We suppose it is the old, old story
OF some editor marrying a girl, and then the
old man refused to lift the mortgage on his
son-in-law's office.
Daniel Webster was once an outside pas
senger on a stage coach during a prolonged
SEi0war a III rSfHa1 G,iJa-- -
MN Kept bemoaning the fact that his brand
new lavender pantaloons would be ruined by
the wet, until Webster, tired out with listen
Ing, grunted out ',Then why the devil don't
you keep them dry?o "But how can I?o
querled the dandy. ssTake them off and sit
them" Our orator made the remainder
OF his journey in peace.
"lassure you, gentlemen, :" said the convict
upon entering the prison, 'sthat the place has
sought me, and not I the place. My own
affairs demanded all my time and attention.
and | may truly say that my selection to fill
this position was an entire surprise. Had T
my own interest, I should have
peremptori1y declined to serve, but as I am
IN the hands of my friends I see no other
way but to submit" And he. submitted.
BENZ amin +. Butler and Colonel Inger-
met on the train to Washington on Wed
.esday evening. In reply to Col. Ingersoll's
greeting, "How do you feel tonight ?' Gen.
said, "Oh, pretty WELL" '.Why,"
said lngersoll in q surprised tone, II suppos-
you must be feeling pretty sick over Gar
fields election" Il misunderstood you.n
replied Butler; Il do feel bad enough and
hen added, you and Beecher did it, Col
swell, retorted the Colonel, SHOW
could you expect to win with the Lord and
he Devil both against you?'
--~#g>~tsGDA%A@-
a Comet.