The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-03-06
VARIETIES.


Money is the mean mans conun-
drum and he never gives it up.
An eagle on ten dollar gold-piece
is worth five hundred in the air.
If law was justice everybody could
be his own lawyer.-Free Press.
"A poor relation-The crude effort
of a story-writer. american Punch.
"A Congressman's letter is ever
frank, and apostal-card is always open.
Yes, pie is the great destroyer.
Whenever we are confronted by it, we
at once cry for quarter.
The best remedy for cold feet is to
call at house where they keep big
dog and don't feed him very high
Free Press.
Scientific men tell us that the earth
is but a crust, and every live man
wants to belong to the upper crust
N. 0. PicGyune.
The New Haven Register says there
is no such thing as loves young dream.
There is no dream about it, but great
deal of foolishness.
There being $4,000 kinds of weeds
in the United States, the editor of the
Syracuse Herald gives fair notice that
he shall do his gardening hereafter sole
ly by substitute.
-Twenty-one new planets were dis
covered last year, but yet the world
must go right on putting up the same
sort of stove pipe invented fifty years
ago. Our wise men look too high.
"A man working for ninety cents a
day feels just as elated to know that the
country is safe as the millionaire who
lives on his interest, and as rule he
will do more to save it.-Free Press.
"A boy VINO wont take as big bite
as he can from another boys apple is
Disgusting his real feelings and should
be narrowly watched, lest he make
sudden grab and run off with the whole.
Did you ever consider the despot-
ism of kissingP The men kiss the wom-
en- without caring whether it is agree
able or otherwise, and the women kiss
the defenseless babies remorselessly.-
Boston transcript.
The Lacrosse Democrat remarks
that there are several successful cases
of nose-grafting, but if surgical science
will discover some way to graft mans
nose on to his own business exclusively,
it will call it a good scheme.
The young man who proposes to 90
West and grow up with the country
has fine chance to buy farm in Kan
sas fifty-one miles long by thirty eight
wide, which is to be sold at auction to
satisfy mortgage of 100000.
-" What's in a name?' All, Will
lam, you didn't know everything, that's
certain. Salt can be bought for few
cents a quart, but call it chloride of
sodium, and the apothecary will mulct
you to the tune of half dollar for one
poor scruple.
-Krupp has invented needle-gun
warranted to kill 200 men per minute
In case the American Association of
Amateur Poets carries out its expressed
intention of holding a convention in
Chicago next summer, Mr.. Krupp's in
vention will receive BOOM Chicago
Tribune.
=" Looking up into the heavens on
still, clear night" says Prof. Proctor,
''we are struck with sense of quiet
and harmony" This is an indication,
then, that the cat whose duty it is al
ways to disturb that pleasant order of
things, has been previously struck with
the sense of a brick. -HGUE-Ey
Some people have hard time of
it. We know young man who bears
the highly elegant name of Lawrence
S. St. Clair, and yet he's made quite
unhappy by it. He wants to adopt the
English fashion of writing ones name,
and L. Snodgrass st. Clair, doesn't
sound quite so we'll as he desires. -Bos-
ton Post.
DIR. Pruden walked into a prayer
meeting at Benton, Mimi, with an open
Bible in one hand and cooked pistol
in the other. He said there had been
altogether too much controversy over
the meaning of a certain Scriptural pas
sage, and that he meant to kill anybody
who differed from him on the subject.
He was hurried off to an insane asylum.
"A lady in Lowndes County, Ala
bama, who had been wealthy, but is
now poor, clipped her magnificent hair
and gave it to the yellowfever suffer-
ers. 1t realized a large sum, and the
winner, Northern lady, sent the hair
back to the donor. Since then the lady
has given the hair to the Hood fund,
and it was raffled in Montgomery for
eighty dollars.
Mexican revolutions come along
with astronomical regularity. An army
of hundred or so of vagabonds is en-
listed under a self-styled General, and
war declared in sonorous pronucia-
mento. The usual lending is fine of
soldiers, with leveled guns, a bedrag-
gled General, with his eyes bandaged,
a two-dollar coffin and little mother
earth. -ETchange.
The largest furniture mandatory
in st. Louis is cooperative concern,
each of the 10 skilled workmen being
"a holder of at least one share, and not
more than twenty at $25 each. They
are chiefly German Socialists. Only
ten per cent. of the capital was paid in
at first, credit being obtained for about
100000 of woodworking machinery,
and the dividends have since been suf-
ficient to meet the assessments as they
fell due. The men receive ordinary
wages for their work, and thus far there
has heen no seriOus dispute in the man.