The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1880-11-10
HUMOROUS.
nimated!saltcellars---Grocers

A Texas dog was born without tail,
and he will sit down right beside an old
kettle.
"Do we eat too much, asked the De
troit Free Press" and out of five
dozen boarding house keepers sixty an
swered in the affirmative.
Why is a vain young lady like con-
firmed drunkard? Because neither of
them is satisfied with moderate use of
the glass. [Owego Blade.
When Sydney Smith was out of health
his doctor advised him to take walk
on an empty stomach. The witty
patient asked, "Whose%
Butter is now adulterated with soap
stone to make it weigh heavy. With
the usual hair, this ought to mako good
mortar. 49, Syracuse Sunday Times.
canadian hemlock forests are being
rapidly destroyed for their bark" Why
not destroy few dogs? There is as much
bark in Spitz as there is in forest.
"Make a note of that" said one bust
ness man to another who owed him a
balance and was not manifesting much
enthusiasm about settling. [Steuben-
vile Herald.
The pleasure of having thing con-
sists |. in knowing that some one else
wants it. This accounts for the alloyed
Joy of possessing sore thumb. = Bos-
ton Transcript.
Camping out in canvas tent during
ones vacation is like kissing a pretty
girl at candy scrape--you have good
time, but you come out of it rather the
worse for wear Boston Globe.
A good many of the new stars ana
comets we read about in the newspapers
are discovered by men who come home
late and meet the clothesline across the
bridge of their nose.--- Middletown
Transcript.
This is getting to be well-padded
world. There are horse-pads, foot-pads,
hip-pads, liver-pads, back-pads, kidney
pads, and stomach-pads, and soon it is
expected that somebody will get up
pad for bald heads.
"Small women generally have the
largest hearts" Hope that's so; we
own small woman---no, small woman
owns us---but we haven't seen he1 heart
vet to see what size it is. We've heard it
n, l. ~
Kentucky State Journal.
A Minnesota exchange says that
"Peter Butler, of Cannon Falls, aged
eighty years, shocked eleven acres of
grain one day last week." Some of
these old farmers use pretty hard Ian
guage when they once get started.-
Peck's Sun.
Dear soul she looked at me askance,
Her eyes filed full OF tears;-
While l, content to take my chance
Kissed her, and quelled her fears.
And what her fears were, who can say?
Perhaps at them you'd laugh
For near her stood, blocking the way,
| A tiny week-old calf
-Meriden Recorder.
A Young man with an umbrella over
took an unprotected lady acquaintance
| in rain-storm, and, extending his UNI
brella over her, requested the pleasure
| of acting as her rainbow. "Oh," eX-
claimed the young lady, taking his arm,
"you wish me to be your rain-dear."
| Two souls with but a single umbrella,
two forms that stepped as one.
ALLs FAIR.
4" Do YOU attend the iairl" she said
And tossed her pretty little head
| He spake up with a rogush glance,
Yes always, when get chance"
She blushed and said: " Now, don't he green;
| You know quite well. sir, what mean;
There's only one fair in the town"
Said he; - That's what l said 10 Brown"
''Charles, l shall have to box your ears
The lovely eyes were full of tears.
You know what fair; will you take mel"
IN s,t..
"All's fair in love or war;" and they
A family ticket bought next day.
Now Charles looks into her sparkling eyes
And swears he has carried off the prlze.
-Rochester Express