Connecticut western news., 1880-11-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

A STRAIN of music-Tighte the strings
 of violin.
 THE short girl should not cry because she's not tall; let her remedy the evil
 by getting spliced
 A MAN is rich indeed when he has
 friends who are willing to stand by him
 when his fortune disappears.
 PROFESSOR "Mr. Brown, what is the salt rheum ?" "Student "The salt-room, sir, must be where they store
 salt"
 THERE is an old proverb which reads,
 "As the good man saith, so say we; but as the good woman saith, so must
 it be-"
 IT IS just about as diff cult to find a
 good and sufficient excuse for doing
 wrong as it is to boil potatoes in cold l water.
 ONE of the hardest things in the world
 is for an active man to give up his busi-
 ness and do nothing all the rest of his
 life and do it we'll
 IF YOU love each other you need not
 spend your time in saying so, for your
 life will tell the truth, even when your
 lips fail to do so.
 "How GREEDY you are p said one lit-
 tie girl to another, who had taken the
 best apple on the dish, "I was just go-
 ing to take that p
 A YOUTH, who was trying to master
 bicycle, when asked his age said he had
 seen fifteen summers and about one hun
 dred and fifteen falls.
 IN THE world, says Chamfort, you have
 three sorts of friends-those who love
 you, those who don't care peuny for
 you and those who hate you.
 A.I1TrnE girl who was much petted
 said "I like sitting on gentlemen's
 knees better than on ladies', don't you,
 ma?"
 THE Spaniards seem not to have much
 faith in brains, for they have proverb
 which 1uns, "God send you luck, my
 son, and very little wit will serve your turn"
 "WHAr blessing it is," said hard working Irishman, "that night niver comes on till late in the day, whin a man is tired and can't work any at all at all'
 A POET asks "Have you lived the songs you sing, love?" If he sings "We won't go home till morning" no doubt he has lived at least one of them. Nor 1ist0,Un Herald. IN PARIS last winter, when wood was dreadfully dear, Mark Twain sent log
 of it, dressed in blue ribbons, to friend just married, saying that it was the most ) expensive thing he could find. A PHILADELPHIA quack informs the | public that he is not at all exclusive. eff patient wants it gentle and mild, . I'm homeopath, and when anybody wants thunder and lightning, I'm an al- I lopath."
 A CERTAIN amount of concession to the e opinions and rights of others is abso- n lutely necessary to 8 true neighborly re- - lation with those who live near you. If, s as the Irishman said, everybody should f insist on standing still in the street, how r could any one get byP = THAT was @ very pointed and possibly !, 0 very wholesome bit of sarcasm when l. gentleman turned on a coxcomb, who e had been making himself offensive, and r said: "Sir, you ought to be the hap t piest man in the world. You are in love @ with yourself, and you have no rival" e YoUNa LADY every changeable 'S z weather, Mrs. Wiggins, isn't itP" Mrs. !, ,i Wiggins-" Ees, miss, it be. Fust 'ot, '' yer see then cold, then 'ot az in but Is it's blessin', eos if the weather wasn't s little variable there wouldn't be no u variety in some folks conversations" 10 THE Baptist Weekly remarks with
 considerable subtlety that the brethren ! who have been able to attend political h meetings, gaze at torchlight process1ons Ia and do considerable shouting besides,
 cannot consistently plead the risks ot :, night air as an excuse for absence from ts prayer meetings.
 W THE winter draws near, and now is the le time to practice economy. Accordingly ts the truly affectionate and sensible wife as approaches her husband with a benignant ia expression of countenance and, gently ar laying her hand upon his shoulder, ob- it. observes, "Charley, dear, please don't es spend any more money for cardamon ae seeds. I'll try and stand it if you won't tn kiss me on the lips" fic WHEN a man apparently escapes the in consequences of wrong doing he is apt he to feel that he will always enjoy the same of immunity but the time is pretty sure a to come when he will get tripped up and he suffer from severe fall. He is like the ed illogical Dutchman who froze his nose of one cold winter day. He said, "I haf is carry dot nose fordy year, and he neve he freeze hissef before. I don't under CT stand dis ting" Il" "I AM 8 peaceable man," said the intruder, grasping his club with both De his hands, "but If you don't come down 9st with $17.50 damages for my lacerated ma feelings the bombardment will begin al 10 once." The owner of the dog paid down ost the money, as he was afraid the othel ny fellow might exasperate him if he hi
 him with club of that size. The ownel is of the dog also said that he was SOFT. ing that the dog had bitten the intruder rly son. "Why, he ain't my son" said thu He intruder "Whose son is he then {? re- asked the astonished owner of the dog at "He is the son of friend of mine wh 15, owes me $17, 50, but he is poor, and tn
 only available assets he has was thes is dog bites on his boy, which he turne