Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-10-08

A gang Of commercial travellers, Just
arrived, call themselves the Drum Corps.
They beat the world -.SeuJcnriUt HtF-
dlR
Alexander II. Stephens is reported to
he in better health than for years past.
We learn from an exchange that he can
now sit on hotel piazza ut the seaside
without paper weights on his coat
tails.
If Adam had been created n boy instead
of full-grown man. he would have club
bed all the apples off from thetrec before
the serpent had chance to get through
the fence around the garden.
.'Oh, for thousand tongues, she sang
in the church choir. Two hours after
wards, one tongue was found sufficient to
scandalize four-fifths of the women in
three counties. -7tuncr's S Fails RcpOrtcr.
Every now and then car falls of the
elevated railroad into the street and hurts
Il man. Some day one will fall and crush
dog, and then Mr. Bergh will take steps
to have the whole elevated businesspulled
up by the roots NOrristolCa Ucruid.
He appeared to be almost gone. Roll
ing his ewes toward the partner of his
bosom he gasped Bury me meath the
weeping willow. and plant single white
rose above my head" ''Oh, it's no use.
she snapped ont, "Your nose would
scorch the roots !" He got well.
Professor Reed, of London, has figured
out the exact age of tine world, which he
sets at 600, 900, 900 years, but rs he neg
lects to give the day Of the month at
which it started, there is little encourage
ment to try to get upa centennial cele-
bration. -BostOR GtObe.
In Maine no physician can practice
until he has .'dissected :" no bodies are
dissected but those of executed criminals,
and there is n law against capital punish
ment. But these little discrepancies do
not deprive Maine of plenty of good ply
sicians -Ncw Uarcn Rcgistcr.
Toddlekins is a very small nan indeed,
but he said he never minded it at all until
his three boys grew TO he tall, strapping
Young fellows, and his wife began to cut
down their old clothes and cut them over
to fit him. And then he said he did get
mad. Huntington Ha~kcyc.
A boy of twelve years, dining at his
uncle's made such a good dinner that his
aunt observed. johnny, You appear to
eat we'll" "Yes" replied the urchin,
I've been practicing eating all my
life."
Our notions of what constitutes good
moral character depend somewhat on orr
early education and the atmosphere i'll
which we live Some one has said very
truly that it is more creditable to some
people to be half decent than to others
to be sanity. A poor Irishman was ask
ed by a judge ii Il certain witness with
whom he professed to be acquainted was
of good character. We'll, Your Honor,
was the reply, ''he raIes the Bible, he
plays the feddle, he niver whips his ould
woman and now and thin he takes drop
of good whiskcy. ! don't know what
more you could say for any man.
DR. Hastings, of Boston, i'll speaking of
religious joy and of singing as being the
natural expression of that joy. remarked
that some congregations had so little II
1t they had To hire people to do their
singing. Why" says he, Il would as
soon think of hiring a man to eat my
breakfast.
Women resemble flowers. They shut
up "H'i ti'. Sietp .-ftth"toH fHhf.t.
1t is n remarkable characteristic of the
walters in Paris restaurants that, no mat
ter what you may ask for, even if it be n
fried piece of the moon, they will inva-
riably reply yes, and either bring it to
you, or, on returning, assert with sorrow
that unfortunately there is no more left.
Merry, the well known author. tried this
joke on once, and peremptorily ordered
of a waiter a sphinx a la Nrengo. Il
am sorry to say We have no more, mon
sisur, replied the yarcon "What No
more sphinx ~ exclaimed Merry, feigning
astonishment The waiter lowered his
voice, and murmured in confidential
whisper : I'VE have some more, mon
sieur but the truth is should not care
to serve them TO you, as they are not quite
fresh. -