Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-08-18
A Physicians Advice to a Lazy Fat Man
Mr.. Prudhomme's Awful Son-Ihe
Force Of Habit, or How Twins
Were Accounted FORA
Small fishball.

late.
"But what shall l do? Theodore
won't marry me-" exclaims Bertha in
/ despair.
Fudge! lean fix him." says Felise.
How
I Leave that to me. Will you give up
all your other lovers?
"Yes, If can marry Theodore. -.
"And do everything else that tell
you to do"
ayes"
"well then, Theodore shall be yours
for keeps"
because, my child, Punchinello has
been doing something bad and the po-
liceman--
"See, papa, now Punchinello is beat
ing the policeman"
"weli, perhaps the policeman was
mistaken, and Punchinello was not at all
"But now, papa, the policeman is
beating Punchinello again"
Then was right. Punchinello has
been doing wrong and in the name oil
the law
"why now Punchinello is beating the
policeman"
Mr.. Prudhomme who is at the end OF
his patience and his answers now ex-
claims:
"Shut up, and don't bother me or I'll
break every bone in your body
At the Turkish cafe.
ado you know SalomonF
Certainly"
"Do YOU know how no made his
money!
selling opera glasses" -.
"Now you see the result. His wife
has had twins"
The astnnished pasha:
The faithful servant ola Turkish pasha
who, without due consideration, had
been made the guardian OF the harem,
one day grayely laid his resignation be-
fore the master.
"What is the natter" said the pasha
who truly loved the good fellow 3 devo-
ton. Are you dissatisfied with your
place? | am well pleased with you.
and the ladies-why they are quite gone
YES" responded the popular guar
dian OF the harem, "but am going to
get married"
PORTRAITS painted cheap for cash, and
+ a cruel resemblance guaranteed, Is the
sign on the door OF a studio in the Latin
quarter.
Near the lnvalides is a cheap show
where NAV be seen an educated pig, a
collection OF stuffed snakes and birds,
and fat woman weighing something
over four hundred pounds. This ele-
phantic female is the wife otthe proprie-
tor.
II Was about her that her husband
talked to a friend contidentially the other
day. -.
Il know that she is false to me" ne
said. "but what can do? III / bother
her about it she will very soon grow
/ thin
y was full as goat the other night
when he left the club to find his way TO
the fair creature who callshim her PRO
tectOr."
As he rolled rather carelessly along
the sidewalk he accidently dropped his
cane.
The devil take it," he muttered as
he Strengthened back after an attempt
To pick il up which nearly resulted in
throwing him on his face.
Two or three more such attempts fol-
lowed, and then y, addressing the cane
i'm a tone of deep disgust, said:
IF pick you up, | will fall, and you
wouldn't pick me up"
/ And he reeled on leaving the cane be-
hind.
4 ID. said the other day in speaking OF
his son:
/ "He has lett art and becomes a man
/ OF letters"
/ "Ah, indeed"
eyes, he used to paint pictures, now
he paints signs.
/ A country merchant consents to let
his wife 20 to Paris in company with
/ her cousin to attend the national fete,
/ and distribution OF flags.
The cousin is handsome fellow and
/ the husbands peace OF mind Is gone.
lie imparts his fears contidentially to a
/ friend.
well" says the latter, "you will be
able to know eventually"
How"
"why, ii your wife has tri.colored
baby, you can then be pretty sure that
Mamma to little George. who has just
returned from children's party:
well, my darling, did you eat many
cakes
Little George with very well salts
fled air;
"Not even ten, mamma"
Two boulevardiers.
Why have you changed your tailor?
lie always sends me perfect fits"
"Ile sends good hts TO me, but for
some time he has been sending the bill,
too
A tisherman's luck.
"What success fishing?'
"First rate"
"why, there is only one fish in your
basket"
True, but l had thirty bites"
-
81 declare" says Brittle, "men have
lots of cheek"
81 should say so.'
81 was at the Mabilie, yesterday, on
/ the arm OF my lover, when an English
man, whom had never seen, came up
and offered me fifteen louis for my boz
quet."
"You don't tell me?"
envy lover Was mad, and Immediately
threw his own card at the cheeky gen.
I tleman."
"And YOU"
II threw mine."
-.
Cretinel is member OF the Society
for the Prevention OF Cruelty to Ami
mails.
An acquaintance told him the other
day that he had slept the night before
/ in a room full of mice.
IL chased them about several hours"
said he.
"Poor things" sighed Cretinel," they
must have passed, then, a very wretched
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