The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-02-11

head you might as we'll let him alone,
for it's sort of an epidemic: and.
when it strikes man, it strikes him
bard and it affects his whole system.
When it leaves him he generally finds
himself all in heap, and sometimes il
leaves him SO weak that it takes good
while for him to recover, aud sometimes
he never gets over it. And then this
disease generally leaves a man with
kind OF bad taste in his mouth for
patent-right attorneys. Did you ever
meet one of these affable gentlemen?
If you haven't, allow me to say right
here, if you ever get thoroughly &C,
quainted with one you will never forget
him. The remembrance of that man
will follow you as long as you live. Hi
beautifully-written circulars, his win,
ming ways and his kind and juicy lam
guage will be uppermost in your
thoughts when you retire, and You will
always experience that bad taste in your
mouth when you awake in the morning.
After many trials and tribulations
Mr.. Smudget succeeded in getting
some of his washing machines manu-
iactured. He had lost good deal of
sleep in preparing his speech, which
was to be delivered when the machine
was presented to the good farmers
wives for their consideration This, in
connection with the trouble he had ex-
perienced in getting them manufact-
ured, and the told you sos" from
Hulda, had SO worn on the old gentle
man that, from a good, solid, weli-fed
farmer, he had been reduced to mere
skeleton. Consequently, his Sunday
suit, which he donned on the morning
he was to start out on his Introductory
tour, seemed to be fastened only at tho
top, and hung from him loosely all the
way down. At last all things we're
ready. Thomas mounted the wagon,
seized the reins, and Betsy, who
seemed inspired with the momentous-
ness of the occasion, ratified down the
road at laundering gait, with six of
the celebrated Smudget washing-na-
chimes behind her.
After due deiberation Mr.. Smudget
concluded that he wouldn't stop very
near home, as he realized that a
prophet is not without honor save in his
own country" and he began to think
before he reached home that q man
trying to sell washing-machines wasn't
honored anywhere, at least not to any
very great extent.
After a drive of several hours he
reached country comparatively new
to him, and, sighting a good, coy
farmhouse in the distance, he concluded
that he would see if he couldn't dispose
OF one OF Smudget's celebrated Washing
machines there.
Drawing rein at the door, he was Just
about to alight, when he heard voice
in his ear like the shrill notes of fish
horn. Looking around, he discovered
female figure emerging from around
the corner of the house. By her side
was full-grown, well-developed bull
dog, with double chin. Smudget
thought he could stand either one of
them alone, @but," he muttered to him.
self, IF I never sell washing-machine
in my life, and have to die in poverty,
LII never approach firm where the
senior members are bulldog and
woman.
AS Mr.. Smudget seemed to the female
a little undecided what course to pur.
sue, she opened fire on him with her
tongue. (This is weapon very much
in use by females on account of it's re-
peating qualities, and from the fact that
they seldom run out of ammunition.)
Don't you git off that wagon, Mister;
If you do, I'll give you warmer recep-
ton than Gen. Grant got up in Chi
cago the other day. We've been pes
tered to death by such critters as you
are. Lightning-rod men and windmill
men have been round here thicker than
feas on dog, and when I seed you
a-coming I says to myself, Amanda
Higgins, what have you done that you
should be tried in this way 2 and made
up my mind if you got in here I'd make
1t so awful uncomfortable for you, you
wouldn't want to stay long! Oh, you've
got nice yarn fixed up about your old
machine, I'll warrant that wind. mill
Teller had, too. The lynn huzzy told
me twould pump hot or cold water,
milk my COWS, churn my butter and
ride my horses to water; and he'd a
been here a-lyin' yet, I suppose, if l
hadn't bought q mill of him. An
what's it.good for? Can't hardly coax
it to pump cold water, let alone hot!
No, sirl I'll give you to understand,
Mister, that I'm a lone, unprotected
female, and"
Mr.. Smudget waited to hear no more,
but, stopping up his right ear with his
left hand (he was deaf inFthe other) AND
plying the whip to Betsy with his right
hand, he determined in the shortest
time imaginable to put the greatest
distance possible between himself and
his first customer. About this time
Mr.. Smudget began to feel as all patent
right men feel after their first endeavor
to push their wonderful invention. he
began to feel a kind of goneness; the
longing, irresistible, gripping pain in the
vicinity of his vitals also communicated
to him in language too forcible to be
mistaken that the time hac now arrived
when. in the seclusion of his own home,
he and Hulda usually sat down to their
MONDAY meal. His love for Mr.. Grimes
also began to lose somewhat of its
brilliancy, and some way in his own
heart he began to feel that he didn't
have that hankering after him that he
used to have. Nevertheless he deter
mined to make one more grand effort
at pushing" and, if it also proved un-