St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-12-24
Squibs.


The Boston Transcript asks: Is a
church cannon rite thing
For q street-cleaner that will do it's
work thoroughly we suggest Il mad dog.
Il Lowell Citizen.
The man who wants but little here
below is generally the man who gets
it.
Darn the stocking that catches no
Christmas present.
A busy man thinks he will be amiable
after he gets rich; he forgets it then.
There is not much danger when it
trains cats and dogs" but when it Spitz
dogs, look out.
There is no affiiction which has not
bright side. LIE Sage was very deaf,
and he used to declare that there were
times when it was a great blessing,
there are so many things which it is
better not to hear. "When go into a
company" he said "where find great
number of block heads and babblers, |
quietly put my ear trumpet into my
pocket and cry, ''Now, gentlemen, l de-
fly you all"
A certain Chinaman gave dinner
party. The viands were not to his taste.
He rose from the table, asked to be ex-
cused for few moments, and left the
room with the remark, "Must lickee
wife," This was not in China.
In Chicago women dress so much like
men that they are allowed to hang on
the strap of street cars without Iecog-
milton.
A man in Georgia on receiving a doc
tors bill for medicine and visits, wrote
that he would pay for the medicine and
return the visits.
Probably the man who never made a
mistake in his life, never made anything
else.-[Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Some men are so accustomed to tell
ing about their health that when they
reply to telephone call they ring and
commence by saying, "Well ?" Then
the other fellow goes on with the con-
versation.
"Talk about the power of the press"
softly murmured the aged granger, us
lie held up to view hand he had mad
vertently left under the cider machine
until it looked like a pound of raw liv-
er, "well, should remark !"-[ Rock
land Courier.
Two weeks ago young girl standing
on the banks of the Ohio and looking
at a beautiful sunset, exclaimed, "My,
how like circus lemonade !" And now
we have terrific spell to pay up for it.
-[Wheeling Sunday Leader.
Gentlenen's pantaloOns are worn so
tight this winter that an ultra fashiona-
BILE man has to wear his underwear Oh
| top.
A certain minister in an adjoining
county tells us of his little girl, that
when circus came to town she very
much wanted to go, and he tried to
show her that it would not be best.
When the street parade took place, she
climbed upon the gate post to see it
pass, but the uniforms of the musicians,
the gaily caparisOned horses, ETC., awoke
all the old desire, and he overheard her
say "Oh, dear! If / was anybody else
daughter | could go; but as it is Tve
got to be pattern of piety for the
whole town, l suppose" Some older
children cOnfound forced submission
with voluntary resignation.-[E Essex
County Herald.
The Tribune had an article entitled,
"The Republic Towed In." An expect
ant public wants to know when it was
that the republic toed in, why it toed in
and how the bad habit was cured
| Portland Advertiser.
81 am skepticr - said an immature
person of the masculine gender i'm a
vain-glorious strain. Gan epileptic ~
asked an old lady somewhat hard of
hearing. "POor boy! You look like it,
so you do" While the smile went
round, the youth went out Boston
Transcript.
"Well, no." happy Mr.. Patersam
ssid, replying to the congratulations OF
his fellow-men over the first event
swell, no; he couldn't exactly say as
they were just exactly what you might
call twins; yes, there were two of 'em
but one was girl and the other was
boy" On motion however, and unani-
nous consent, they were spread upoI
the records as twins.
Under date of Springfield, Mass,
prominent New Englander sought fo
Brother Gardeners opinion on the sub
Ject of squaring the circle, and the oil,
J man answered: "It's Gurus to me da
some folks can't let well enough alone
} If dey want squar's why doan' dey max
squar's in de fust place If dey wan
circles, why doan' dey make circles
: doan' keer to look outer de winder sur
night and find dat de Lawd has gone t
work and squar'd de circle ob de moor
or to git up sum mawnin' and diskive
de sun squar'd off at the airth. / doaI
: say dat can't squar' a circle, but sa
dar am no need of it. If we didn't hav
!. circles how could we put up stovepipe
e or have race-tracks! Jist let dem rs
main circles and squar's, and be thanh
e ful dat taters haven't run up to dolls
bushel."-[DetIOit Free Press.