The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-10-08
Scraps.

A shrey1d rascal advertises a machine
that will add mp columns of figures foot
long, in six seconds. He sends piece OF
chalk with directions to use it on a barn
door or other surface big enough to hold
figures foot long.
An exchange prints lengthy article on
- Science az Breakfast" Valuable space
wasted. Science at breakfast is getting
away with four slices of ham and half a
dozen eggs. while your ris-a-uis is untold
ing his napkin.
Mike Tobin, retired prize fighter of
! Troy, Is described by a local paper ns liv-
| ing peacefully i'll the little cottage with an
| aged aunt. Solomon said (" Go to the
ant, thou slnggard.'' but this is believed to
be the first instance of sluggar going to
his aunt.
a load of wheat which was lately ship
ped from General Garfield's farm is said to
have attracted much attention on account
confidence the statement by Democratic
papers that this is campaign lie to catch
! votes.
g Ella, is your father at home ?'' said a
bashfui lover to his sweetheart g want
! to propose something very important to
! him. NO, Clarence, papa is not home.
! but | am. Couldn't Won propose to me
! just as well 80 And he did with perfect
SUCCESS.
! picnicS the girls pay all the expenses and
do all the work generally performed by
men. It must be very touching TO see the
boys walking solemnly in another direc-
tion when the time for putting up the
swings arrives.
General Bob Toombs was asked bv a
friend few days ago whether Alexander
Stevens would be returned to Congress.
- Returned - said Toombs - why,--
me, his diatrict'll keep him in Congress as
long as he lives, and when he dies they'll
run his executor ~
The trouble about taking medicine
warranted to cure all diseases is that it
may not know exactly what is wanted of
1t, and in that case it will 90 fooIino
around in the system trying to cure vou Of
some disease you have not got.-Neec Or
Lea1es Picdy,tne.
Elizabeth has been enjoying huggino
match now, don't misjudge Elizabeth
and eXclaim, - The brazen thing - until
we finish tie extract hugging match
between tame bear and one of his
keepers" Elizabeth you will observe is
not guiity. The manner in which the par
7agraph opens Is Well calculated TO deceive
-NOrTistotr3a Herald.
d" l fought with Hancock said the man.
To the admring crowd,
w no greeted the assertion bold
With cheers both long and loud
Both boys attending school
L fought with him and licked him till
lie beloved like a mule
An Eastern girl visiting Colorado fell in
love with desperate. She became
romantic, had scarlet saddle cloth for her
hne broncho. a green dress for herself,
with gold mounted leather belt and /
sheath knife. In the band of her Derby
hat she .yore smaller knife She diScov-
cred that the man had had several wives,
who had mysteriouSly disappeared Her
romance was undone, and she wanted to
go home.
A correspondent of the New York SIM.
In answer to anUIher correspondent in
luiry for something to keep the hair down.
the following preparation. which
ne asserts positively will be effeetual
= Quarter pound of common glue, one
quart red hot water, and two ounces OF
'oSin, melt them together in n shallow
iish, add an ounce of oil of bergamont,
md apply freely to hair. Il will keep the
lair down.
8 Is your programme full Miss Beetle
;rtlSher:' - asked vonng man of western
lamsel who had just struggled out of the
room with disappointment in |
Ter eye and an - order of dances i'm her
land. Programme full 20 said the /
laughter OF the Setting Sun. 9 Wall,
guess not | hain't had nothing but a
DieCe Oh cake anu an Ice cream, am they t
lon't go tar towards filling my pro
A scene in a picture gallery shows a c
= model model in man who serves as a
model for am artist, and in the artists alb
ence explains the picture to n lady visitor.
From whom did Mr.. Mc9lip paint thar
lead p . From yours obediently, Mad
IN. | sit for the eds of all is oily men, r
lie must find You a very useful person.
: Yes, Madam, order his frames stretch
lis canvas, wash his brushes. set his pal
cite and mix his colors. All he's got to
10 is to shove 'em on
The editor laid his half-smoke;i cigar on
he table. and the candidate. dropping in
o talk matters over. perched himself on
he table and sat down on the Havana.
BY and by he sadly slipped off his high e
eat. $ Yon'r are not lukewarm in my
anse. anyhow - he said plaintiveIy ''Ah.
10, replied the editor, encouragingly.
the old fires are still burning.'' And
hen a great hnsh fell upon the busy sane
nm, such a profound silence that for c
ninIlte you might have heard a gum drop.