The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1880-02-12
BRAINS FURNISHED CHEAP.
How One Man In New York Makes n
Living.

Living.
In Bleecker street, in the third-story
back room of what was once an aristo-
cratic private dwelling house, the public
in need of brains can find the same Mt
reasonable rates. A reporter who re-
| Gently climbed the creaking stairs and
| knocked at the door of this back room
was invited to enter by deep-toned,
pleasant voice. Stepping across the
threshold. the visitor found himself in
the abode of Brains. The room was
bare and cheerless, containing only u
bed, washstand, three or tourl wooden
| chairs, stove, and q large pine table,
which was Uttered with manuscripts,
newspapers, pens, ink bottles, and u
| wcll-thumbed dictionary. The owner
of the deep-toned voice was seated in
one of the chairs, with his feet resting
on the top of the table, and "a newspa-
per in his hand.
"Mr. Brains, l believe" said the re
porter.
At your service, sir"
The reporter drew from his notebook
a slip cut from the advertising columns
of one of the dramatic journals, and
read it aloud. 1t was as follows:
"Dramas, sketches, songs, burle -qucs lec-
lures, speeches, poems, etc, ETC., written to
| order on the shortest notice. Terms low.
Apply to Brains, No. - Bleecker street."
"That is my card, sir" said the oc-
cupant of the room. " Is there anything
l can do for youp"
Il should like to get little senti..
ment in the poetical line, to write in Il
young ladys autograph album" re-
sponded the reporter, with some natural
| ditlidence.
"Ah, yes, / see. You can furnish the
autograph yourself, but you would
rather would do the sentiment. Ex-
actly. And about how long would you
like itP l can make it an acrostic, if
you prefer. Acrostics come little
higher. but they are just the thing, you
know, for albums"
The reporter decided on an acrostic,
and gave Mary as the name of the album
owner.
"How much will it bep We'll, I'll
turn you off four liner, while you wait,
for fifty cents"
These terms proved satisfactory, the
| visitor took chair, while Mr. Brains
| turned to the table and at once set him
self to work on the acrostic.
"Shall make it tenderp" he asked.
"Tolerably So" replied the customer.
By actual timing the poet occupied
just six minutes in the production of the
acrostic. Then he threw down his pen
and sumbitted the work to his visitor.
The virtues of the supposititious Mary
| were thus embalmed:
May all thy days as spotless be
| AS was this page, ere marred by me;
Rose-tinted may thy future CLEAN,
Yet roster still the present seem.
do you find work enough in this
line to make living?" inquired the re-
porter, when he had expressed his sat
isfaction with the stanza, and paid the
half dollar therefor.
"Well, yes," was the cheerful re-
sponse. 81 manage to live after n
fashion. The worst thing about it is
that my income is extremely uncertain.
Sometimes l don't get five dollars
worth of orders in a month. And then,
again, l have turned out twenty dollars
worth of work in a day. Averaging it
the year round, suppose earn eighteen
| or twenty dollars week. That, how
ever, includes an occasional lucky sale
to the magazines and story papers. In
| order work-that is, Jobs which are
| done under contract make my rates,
us rule, considerably lower than | get
for pieces sold for publication. | can
afford to do this, because, you know,
the chances of having an article rejected
by an editor are always larger than the
chances of having it accepted. Job
work, on the contrary, is sure to pay,
although small"
But, where do these orders come
from?"
"Oh, from all sorts of people. keep
a standing advertisement like the one you
cut out, in three or four of the dramatic
and Sunday papers. These bring me a
considerable number of orders from
sketches. Occasionally, tco, some
variety actor, who is ambitious to be-
come a star, calls on me to write him a
play adapted to his special line. My
bonanza comes when 1 strike bobbin." !"
| what is bobbin?"
"Well, it is name of my own which
] have give to n certain class of Gus
toners. l call them bobbins because
the thread of their vanity is so long
that it will keep unwinding Indefinitely.
| And for me ii often turns out golden
thread. Here, for example, is a speech
that have just finished for n highly re-
spectacle old gentleman to deliver at IA
society dinner next week. He is one of
the very best bohbins l ever found. /
have been writing speeches for him
now, on and off, five years. He is rich,
has retired from business, and has de-
veloped a great taste for after-dinner
oratory. 1 don't believe he could
speak dozen words himself without
committing some ridiculous blunder.
But l have floated him along, until
now he really enjoys the reputation of
being always prepared with neat
speech. charge him good round
price, but he pays it cheerfully. Then
| have another bobbin in the person of
and w5o dr;1eS ~" down bora frannantIu tn a,tn !,
his own coupe. He is mild, inoffcn.
sive young chap, who, with a fortune