The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-02-07
THE post PUMPED DRY.

| Cne past TWO months, WHO we were.
in favor of for the Republican can
didates for President and Vice Pres
ident of the United States. Our an
swer has invariably been the nomin-
ees of the National Republican Con
vention," provided they are of the
right stripe, This does not seem to
satisfy many of the 'pumpies."
They seem to want US to commit
ourselves" And then, he goes on to
decide that momentOus question, and
now peace reigns supreme among the
faithful, without regard to race, or
color, or previous condition of serv-
bitude. ~
Now, we would meekly ask the
Post man to name one of these 219
enquirers, or forever afterwards hold
his peace. He Should be more spe-'
cific in his preference, or the collapse
of the Grant boom may be assigned
to the Posts fiat. Besides, the
Posts declaration has too many
counts, and too many causes of ac-
tion,a land is demurable, as the lawyers
would say, for multifariousness.
But the Post man seems as desir-
Gus of notoriety and Of debating the
candidate, as the nervous old maid
we once heard of, had to get hus-
band before she got so old she
| couldn't. She became very anxious
to get husband, land not succeeding
in her own way, she consulted her
old aunt, Jerusha, on the subject,
and was told if she would procure
the largest goose egg she could find,
and eat least 219 times" bigger than
robbins egg, blow it Of its con-
tents, and then fill it with rock salt
and red pepper, then denude herself
of her 6nery, tie her night cap
strings loosely; with her back to her
bed, and swallow the goose egg whole
and fall into her bed, that an angel
would light on the housetop and ask
her who she wanted for a husband,
when she had nothing to do but to
choose the fairest among ten thous-
and. This pleased her much, and
she lost no time in performing all as
directed, and swallowed all without
struggle, and fell on her back to
await the angel, and after awhile a
large owl perched himself on the
house top, and sang out in his melo-
dious way, Eat least 2l9 tines
Who? Who? Who? when the happy
old maid, persuaded it was an angel,
clapped her hands, exclaiming at the
top of her voice, Anybody at all,
good Lord, so he is a husbandr'
So the Post man, says anybody at
all, good Lord so he is Of the right
stripe. And the Post man names at
least 219 men and women, whose
nomination would suit him, provided
they be of the right stripe.
Now we meekly and politely sug-
gest that he has forgotten several
couples who would suit him precisely.
For instance-Henry Ward Beecher
for President, and Mrs. Tilton for
Vice President; Roscoe Conkling for
President, and Mrs. Sprague for
Vice President; or Boss Shepherd
for President, and Mrs. Agnes jerks
for Vice President; or coming right
home among the Posts mans ac-
quaintances and neighbors is ticket
that will suit him in every respect,
in which is blended all the stripes
and colors and virtues Of the Repub-
lican party. Order! Order!! until
we receive them: jim Ranolds, of
Monongalia, for President, and Den
mis- Clark for Vice-President.
This would make strong ticket
in every sense of the word, as well
as to every one of the senses. "Rah
for the Posts candidates, for they
have the right stripe, and will be a
strong team of dark horses" for the
National Republican Convention to
put into the harness in June next.
P. S.-We think the Post must
have experienced great struggles in
swallowing that whopper (of a goose
egg) magnifed 2l9 times, and that
the best way to get out of it would
be for the Post man to acknowledge
he didn't swallow it at all.