The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1880-05-22
WHIES: WISE HND Witty.
The rest of the week-Sunday.

The rest of the week-Sunday.
"A two-foot rule-don't stumble.
The soft shell crab considers his case
a hard one.
The carriage-makcrn never tires. The
blacksmith does that for him.
"A Western editor reports the ease Of
a man fatally killed. by the kick of Il
mule.
- He flies higher than lie can ruost.
of slang.
-" When | die said the weary nus
band. Il want to go where there are 40
more fires to make "Perhaps you
may" said his good wife.
I've WISH" says Il Texas ncwspa-
per. THAT a few of our citizens could be
permitted to live till they die Il natural
death, so as to show the world what Il
magnificent, healthy country Texas really
is"
"A Georgia paper tells of a man who
went all the way from Cassville to At
lanta. On his return he looked solemn
with the weight of garnered wisdom, and
said: "If the world is big t'othcr way
as it is that, it's a whorpcr.'
-" Henry" said his wife, with chill
ing severity, 81 saw you coming ont of Il
saloon this afternoon ''Wcll, my darl-
ing" replied the heartlcss man. You
wouldn't have your husband staying in
saloon all day, would YOU
The New Orleans Picdy"ne very neat
ly sums it up this way: As Robert G.
Ingersoll has given much attention to the
life of Burns, it has been suggested that
a proper inscription for Bob IngcrSoll'S
tomb, throwing some light ON the future,
would be simply Robert Burns
A school teacher, who had been tell
ing the story of David, ended with: ''tnd
all this happened over three thousand
years ago" A little cherub. its blue eyes
opening wide with wonder. said. after a
moments thought: "Oh dear, marm,
what a memory you have got
A New York minister had Il tclc-
phone put up in his study, and the first
words over the wires were ''IIell. oh. =
The reverend gentleman Immediately
sent word to the telephone company thai
he didn't want an instrument that could
swear. He could probably do enough Of
that himself
A Sacramento man. whose wife had
been laid up with consumption for Il year
past, came out the other day with 4 face
as long as his arm. \ friend who met
him grasped him by the hand in fearful
sympathy, and murmured: at has come
at last, then. When did she de- go.
goodness" was the solemn answer: "She
amt dead; she's cleaning the house
When Marshal Narvaez was on his
death-bed, his confessor asked him if he
freely forgave all his enemies. II have
no enemies, replied the dying Marshal.
proudly. Every one must have made
enemies in the course Of his life, " sug-
gested the priest. "Oh, of course, re
piled the Marshal, 81 have had great
number of enemies in my time, hut
have none now. / have had them all
shot,
A famous London physician used g.
relate that he had long gone almost daily
to the "Shades, near London Bridge
to rest a while and drink glass OF wine
from the wood. For many years he had
taken it as n matter of course that he
must not intrude on the privacy of the
gentleman who, as it happened. inyaria-
bly, selected the next stall. But sympa-
thy itself suggested certain curiosity.
One day the warmth of the weather and
the generosity of the liquor broke the
long spell, and raising his voice, hc said:
Sir, | have had the pleasure OF taking
my wine next to You now FOR twenty
seven years. May venture TO ask my
friend name?" A hollow voice replied:
Sir, you're very mpertinent fellow"
Such was the rule of coffee house society
IN aca Jax,,