Daily Republican., 1880-08-05
FUN AND FKOLIC.
Faeetious Fragments Found Flost-
log In Fields of Fact and Fancy.

ing In Fields OF Fact and Fancy.
On THR WAY HOME 1T was Just thil
side Of Detroit that man entered th'
car, took q seat, and devoted his atten
tion to the morning paper. After I
time the conductor came along and
touched him gently on the shoulder
but without effect. Again he tapped
the passenger on the arm, but there
was no response, and the official had II
speak.
"Ticket, SIR"
The traveller looked wesrily up from
his paper aud said, 81 hsvn't any
ticket"
"Money, then 2" said the conductor
~ havn't any money"
"Then you must get off at the mex
station"
~ WILL" was the submissive reply
and the conductor passed. The trair
stopped at the next station, started
again, and was bowling along at ths
rate Of 80 miles an hour, whom the con
ductor came through and saw the
traveller on the same seat as before.
~ told you to get out Of this car
he said somewhat sternly.
"You did"
"Why didn't you do itf"
81 did,"
"Now look here, my friend, I dou't
want any more Of this nonsense. Ge
out Of the car at the next station, and
stay out. You hear 7"
Again the train stopped, and agair
1t started, and again, but in another
car the conductor found the self samt
traveller, as calm as June morning.
"You here again 7"
eyes"
"Didn't I tell you to get tf this
train and stay off 7"
"No."
ibid"
No: you told me to get out Of thai
car and stay out, and did"
Snow, my FRIEND" said the conduc'
tor, "listen to me, and mind you dt
Just what tell you. At the next sta
tion get off this train and stay of. Do
just as tell you or you will got into
trouble"
Agreed" said the traveller, and the
conductor passed on.
Again the train stopped and started,
and again the traveller turned up on
the train. The conductor was just
reaching for the bell.rope to stop the
train and eject him Summarily, when
the traveller stayed his hand.
"You told me to do just as you or
dsred," he said. 81 obeyed orders.
| got ont and stayed until you said
AN aboardp Then got aboard, for
didn't want to get in trouble, you
know"
The conductor gave him his hand,
and it was noticed later in the day,
they ate together in the dining car and
ate heartily.
WHERE A WORM THAT WAS TRoDDEN ON
vURNED.-Hotel clerks do not as q rule
bear the reputation Of being the most
courteous Of the human family. The
amount of provocation they receive
should no doubt be taken into consid-
Grafton when their shortcomings are
noted still they are at times gratui-
tously and unnecessarily rude in their
intercourse with strangers. A recent
visitor from Australia was rather taken
back the other day by the politeness OF
the elegant individual who prssides in
the office of the -- Hotel, where
he had taken up his quarters. The
day after his arrival, which happened
to be one of the windiest Of the season,
he went out for o stroll around the
streets of Frisco to see the sights and
exhibit his linen covered helmet. He
returned to the hotel rubbing his eyes
and very much disguised, and remark
ed to the clerk:
"You have great deal Of dust here
in San Francisco"
"Y-a.s," drawled the clerk; ~ suffer
from it myself"
"Weak eyes ?" inquired the stranger.
"No, sir"
"Your lungs are affected, then ?"
"Not much" yawned the clerk.
SIN what way then, do you suffer
from the dust 2" asked the somewhat
surprised Australian.
"By hearing about sixty say, You
have a great deal Of dust here in San
Francisco"
Osn OF THE "TRULY Coop. "A com.
munication from Wilmington, Del,
signed by Justice of the Peace and
three Constables, gave the information
that Asphaltum Sylvester, an honorary
member Of the club, had been found
dead in a field. As soon as the reading
was finished Col. Pendulum Jones arose
and began:
"Misser Chairman DE tear leaps
unbiddep to my eye at the sad infor-
N sshun that anodder good man has
passed from airth away. Brudder Syl-
vester was man without a single
fault. He was up"
"Brudder Jones will please sot down
while | furnish a leetle more intorma-
shun on dis subject" interrupted Bro.
Gardner. snow, den, l knew de de-
ceased for many long Vars. He was
simply a colored man, same as de rest
- ua moon,t INV mo, trnlv good