The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1880-01-08
Some More Chronology.

During the year just buried and swept
over several things happened which will
never be mentioned in the dictionary or
encyclopedia, but should be remembered by
the public all the same.
The number of men who pulled their
guns toward them by the muzze was about
fifty. One trial will satisfy you that 1t never
fails.
Eighteen hundred and seventy was
n good year for the fool who points unload
ed reyolyers at his aunt and other folks. He
managed to keel over about twenty victims,
and is 'sreal sorry" for it. lie WOULDN'T
have done It for nothing, YOU know.
During the dead year eleven paragraph.
ers rot of jokes or the moiher.in-law, and
then softly slipped into their last resting
place beneath the willows. 1t is well. No
BODY has vet missed them.
The number OF orators who in 1878 began
their -speecbes with "Fellow- citizens OF this
glorious country" was eighty-fye; the
number in 1879 was only eighty -four. Let
MS be thankful for small fayors and have
hopes for the future.
The kerosene can showed decided falling
off I'm activity. Only seventeen females hur-
ried up the fire.
or the one hundred and fifty.two house
holders who borrowed shot-guns and took
dead aim at that 'infernal cat" three hit
the cat, and the remainder knocked over
small bows and ether live stock, and are now
wondering howson earth they could possibly
have done II.
Eighteen hundred and seventy-nine was
good year for deaf persons to go visiting.
Tbirty-four Of them took the rairoad-track
TO save distance. The day express was on
time.
The last year was also noticed for the
number of persons who took q quiet smoke
sitter going to bed, fell asleep, and passed
into better land at the expense Of insur-
ance com panes. Atelay pipe and cents
worth OF tobacco are all the outfit needed.
The number OF kisS-bearted people who
went out hunting, mstOok friend for a
wild turkey, fox, or grizzly bear, and pep
pered him dead, was fourteen, with Rhode
Island to bear from. Every one Of them
felt bad enough TO cay, but mistakes will
happen In. oil families.
The sea serpent was seen only nine times
during 1879. This may Grsuence some per-
sons TO believe that he is gradually dying
out and will soon become aytinct, but there
is no danger Of it-not with the prese Mt
brand Of sea-captains.
The number Of mothers who left ral-poi-
son and other fatal doses " here the chill
dren could get at them was twenty-one.
THIS is q decrease over tue present year,
and In the dim future wOmankkld may pos
sibly realize the fact that children, eats,
rats, eockroaches, and ants are susceptible
10 the same influences.
During 1870 only two households mistook
the hired girl for burglar and popped her
dead. There is consequently no demand
for a national convention OF hired girls TO
discuss the question " Shall we wear bull
let-proof corsets and demand more wages 2"
The number OF men who suddenly and
mysteriously disappeared during 1879 was
very large, and the number who turned up
after O three-days' drunk was perfectly
amazing, and the returns are still coming in
by every mail.
Eighteen hundred and seventy-nine pro-
duced no improvement In drawing teeth =;
no consolation for the man who has TO have
his hair cut; no better method for break
ing In new boots; no new route Tor emDez-
zlers TO get into Canada; no way OF getting
along on the street-cars except TO stanu
up; and no new way OF getting back sma!l
loans. Considering as whole, she wasn't
anything extra OF year, even ior paa
at