The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-01-23
TAKR A SMILE.
aRussian vocal music is sorrowrul.

An ounce of kcep-your-moriih-shut Is
better than pound of explanations
after you have said it.
Statistics prove that women's teeth
decay at an earlier age than mems. |
This proves that gum is more injurious
than tobacco.
A millionaire has bigger monu-
ment than a pauper, but he fills 10
larger hole-unless he's very large
millionaire.
He was practical philosopher who
observed: Even as nature benevolently
guards the rose with thorns SO does she
cndow women with pins.
a woman who turned up her nose
and said with sneer that she couldn't
marry a mechanic, was right after all
no mechanic wonld have her.
1t is difficult to understand whyva
wife never asks her husband if the
doors are all locked until after he is
snugly covered up in bed.
james Parton has named his son Vie
tor Hugo. II win be handy tor him H.
after Years when he wants TO say. "Vir-
tor Hugo ut and split some woud.'
in the world there are Two things he
can always GET somehow or another,
good advice and bad VIII skcy.
have theory about The "dcad Ian
guagcs, "saidthcnew student. 'What is
IitT' asked the professor. "Thai they
were killed by being studied too hard"
Pairimonv may be defined as some
tn ng which every body is glad to get.
There is only one thing which has
greater charms, and that is matrimony.
The human body contains more than
two hundred bones. Women who
threaten TO break every bone in their
husbands body should bear this in
mind.
Another American girl is to marry a
nobleman. Why is it that our girls re-
fuse to support their own countrymen?
There is lack of patriotism some-
where.
What's the difference, asked teacher
in arithmetic, between one yard and
two yards? A fence, was Tie reply of
a ineu,ber of the class. The teacher
was silent.
A great many story writer's who food
the market with their trash could yet II
large sum for their last novel if they
would only promise that it should be
the last.
A Massachusetts, lady is reported to
have scolded her little boy for taking a
drink OF water at Il hotel. "Fur" said she
1--WE pay dollar for our dinner, and
water is very filing"
The Boston Poet saws: St. Adams
boasts man who revcls in the patrony-
mic of Stoncgraves. That name is
tomb much for us. We ], it is cemctc-
rial whether you like il or not.
The fellow who BY mistake sent lis
auburn haired sweetheart instead of u
bottle of pcrfumery bottle ofhair dive,
wants to know the best way to commit
suicide.
"Who can say that am not good
MANI! asked tramp of a citizen this
week. And then continued: "Mho ever
saw me break the blessed Sabbath day
as some men do by working on ir?r'
They were inspecting group of SIT
nary and she asked him who that fc-
male figure was. He said he wasn't
certain about it, bat he thought it must
be bust of Saharah--a least il was a
barren waist. -..
a man who had 500 dollars stolen
from him received note with S25 say
ing: 81 stoled your money. Remors
naws at my conshcns, aud | send some
Of it back. When remo,s naws agin
I'll send you sum more"
They used to sly that when girl put
on boys hat she wanted to be kissed
So many are worn now-a DAYS hv The
iair ones that II fellows month would e
pnckcrcd all tie While ii he adopted ti.c
Did rule.
a lille girl the other day referred Ia
! he iholi,taclc of u Young man as -
bang on his lip. An exchange warns
ler that if he doli'l- look out, one al
| lhcsc flnc days She'll yet bang righl
under her nose.
An old farmer. whose zeal at grace
was hardly sufficient to lepress his an
petite, used TO end his PRAYER in the
following unpunctuaied nunner: "And
| bless MS all for Christ's sake Joe pass
the potatoes!'
When you see Young man in gor
geous apparel walking about the stree,
with his arms hanging in curves from
his body like an Over-hcaied turkey on
summers day, it isn't becsuse he is il
pain. 1t 10 because he has been abroad.
When a gentleman at a banquet wa.
speaking of friend of his who had had
the smallpox twice, and who had died
m 1t, an lrishnan who was present IN
CURED whether the man died of lin
first or second attack. +,
"Any buglars in this townT'a traveller
asked yillnger ia Western Trnnesr,
wen, no, not now, stranger: they wa
II couple Of 'en here lat spring. mr
one night they broke into the editor,
house aud starved to death before the,
could get out"
A popular clergyman was great,
hored by lady who admired him with.
out reserve. "Oh, my dear Mr.. -
said she, "thcre isn't any harm in low.
ing one's pastor, is therc?" "Ccrtainl,
not, madam" replied the worthy cleri.
cal, mot the least in the world, s,
long as the feeling is not reciprocaied.'
Victoria. Kawckiu-K a fulani-Lunalilo.
Observation-Disclosures. daughter of the KING
OF. heSandwich Islands is a nice little girl
four years, but several poets have lnsr
their lives attempting TO celebrate her
praises. aud when she was baptised it
had TO be done in sections.
IN 1878 the famous works at Norwich
made 100000 pistols, and yet il is
thought that half the boys under -
years ofage in the republic are still des-
iilute of this necessary accessory of n
popular education. The government
and the charitable societies viii have To