Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-10-13
FUNNYGRAPHS,
SOAR feat. "A balloon ascension,

q
The aim of shrewd beer seller is to
draw a bead on his lager. -NeaO Orleans
Pic0yeaae.
LII was the dying poker player who
said: 81 hear the angels calling me-
and then gave up the pot.
A HORSE laugh may be ebay, hay"
-,,I'onee Sentinel. Neigh, neigh. -New
H00en RegiStor. ..>,-...
4" WHAT will you give me if I restore
your eyesight?'' asked the quack. II
Will see replied the blind man.
This lis seems to be, aw, the fall stile,
aw, remarked Nh. Toglofty, as he
picked himself up from the other side of
the fence,-Neeo Haven Register.
AN lll1terate colonel, about to ioin his
regiment, secured the country to find
what he called hors de combat. which
he thought was French for war-horse.
JUST imagine George Washington
wearing a single-barreled eye-glass.
EG. And just imagine Ben Butler wear
ing powdered wig and knce-breeches.
---NOTristO1U2e Herald. .,r.
ONE consolation in being ric.l is to
know that if your daughters can't End
American husbands, money will hire
some rheumatic, knock-kneed old count
to take them off your hands. Detroit
Free Press.
A South HILL debating club is wrest-
ling with, "Can community exist with
out women?' We think it might exist
for while, but then it wouldn't know
what was going Huntington Haaok-
eye.
''THERE Are No Birds in Last Years
Nests" is the title of song. Probably
not. 1t 1t were equally sure that there
are no rats in last years rat holes the
public mind would be more at rest
PhilodeLp1tia Record
AN exchange remarks that "the Chi
nese can handle mortars and produce
great destruction" inexperienced drug
clerks can compete with Chinese cheap
labor in this respect and give them
points, besides. Cincinnati CONNER
cinI
"WHEN was young" said Sizzerpen,
"people told me could write if I would,
and didn't believe them. Just.as soon.
however, as they had convinced me, it
seems l had convinced them. When I
thought | could write, the people thought
L couldn't. "-BostOn TRANSCRIPT.
A GALVESTON man, who had been
away for number of years, paid the
city flying visit. Somebody asked him
how he found things. Everything has
grown except the oyster; they are not a
bit bigger than they were in 1843. -
Galveston NeaUs
PHONETIC. aunt to tall young
nephew: Gas stood beside you in
church, Percy, I could not help being
struck by your size" Percy: every
sorry, aunt, but there was such an aw-
fully pretty girl the other side the aisle,
l couldn't help signing Plum.
1T is astonishing how completely some
people can be absorbed in their own
thoughts. A prominent Galveston can
didate who gives up the whole of his
mind to politics mot church member,
who remarked that his church had Just
got new organ ct hope it will sup
port the regular nominees, was the alb
sent minded reply. Galveston Meas.
"AH, good evening, Mrs. Brown" be-
gan the pastor; "I didn't see you at
church this morning" ssNo, Mr..
Smith, was the reply. &C I was some
what indisposed. So I remained at
home and read few chapters of Mark
instead" GA fine, thoughtful young
lady" thought the parson. Miss Brown
supposed, of course, that he understood
her to refer to Mark Twain. Boston
Transcript.
When the clerk of the weather arose
the other morning he called his first
assistant, who was floating round on a
cloud, and inquired what kind of day
he had best give New England. "Well,"
replied the assistant, 'fwe've got one of
those dog days on hand, and [ don't
think it best to carry it over" "All
right" exclaimed the clerk, "shove it
out for New England, for in weeks
time we shall have to begin to unload
our frosty mornings"
A MANUFACToRY for turning out bone
less Goldfish has been established in Bos-
ton. It is an industry that should be
encouraged, and it should also be per-
suaded to include shad in it's products.
Ii it can capture all the shad in our
rivers, remove the bones, and replace
the fish in the waters, it will have &C
cOmplished a greater work in the cause
Of religion than If it had built cathedral
costing ten million dollars. A homeless
snad WOULD not encourage prOfane
thoughts at the breakfast table, and
make more backsliders in month than
could be reconverted in a year.-NorYis-
tOaU2a Herald.
ORANGES are mostly regarded as things
not to be despised. About thirty-fve
years ago a vessel was wrecked at the
Shetland isles, and among the cargo
were large packages of oranges. One
of these was picked up by peasant,
who in day or two placed his treasure
at the disposal of the laird. "I've
brow't We some bonny baws for the
BARNS, laird, y said the peasant. "They
are oranges, Magnie; why don't you and
your wife keep them for yourself? They
are delightful eating" "Why, We see,
laird, " said the man, g I thow't they'd be
bonny baws for the BARNS to play VII
Deed, as for eatin', why, we've tried 'em
ali WAYS and thav'ro had hOi1ad thav're