The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-04-03
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
SOME person whom Quln had offend
ed one day met him in the street and
stopped him. mir. Quin," said he, 81
understand you have been taking away
my name." "What have said, slr?"
"You-you called me scoundrel, sir2"
ooh, then, keep your name, sir" re-
piled Quin, and walked on.
a LADY who, though in the autumn
of life, had not lost all dreams Of its
spring, said to Jerrold, ~ cannot ima-
gine what makes my hair turn gray. l
sometimes fancy it must be the essence
Of rosemary with which my maid Is in
the habit Of brushing 1T. What think
you? 81 should be afraid, madam"
said the wit, "that it Is the essence of
thyme"
"WHAT does your husband do?" ask
ed the census man.
"He amt doin' nothin' at this time
of the year." replied the young wife.
els he pauperr" asked the census
man. She blushed scarlet to the ears.
CLAW, no |" she exclaimed somewhat
indignantly, "we amt been married
morc'n six months.''
a minister, while marrying
couple, recently, is reported to have
bridegroom If he was willing to take
tho yonng lady tor his welded wife, by
his scratching A's head, and saying,
"Ies, Pm Will mo; but I'd much sight
rather have her sister,"
A LITTLE girl was asked by her mo-
ther, on her return from church, how
she liked the preacher. "Didn't like
HIM ut ALL" was the reply "Why ?"
asked her mother. "'Cause he preach
ed till he made me sleepy, and then
hollered so loud he wouldn't let me
20 to S lcep."
THERE was silence In the school. The
teacher had struck the bell calling at
tention, and every eye was bent upon
her. This was favorable opportunity
for the spread of information, and one
of the little boys perceiving 1t raised
his hand.
"What is it, Johnny?" asked the
teacher.
'TomIny Miggs' fathers cow has got
Il cait,* shouted the excited youngster,
his face aglow with the Intelligence.
A VERY loquacious female witness,
whom the opposing counsel could not
silence, so far kept him at bay that, by
way of orow-beating her, he exclaimed,
"Why, woman, there's brass CROUCH
in your face TO make a kettle.' "And
sauce enough In yours" she instantly
rcjoincd, Ito fill it,"
a GENTLEMAN who was once inter-
ceding with Bishop Bloomfield for
clergyman who was constantlyin debt,
and had more than once been insolYent,
but was man of talent and eloquence,
concluded his eulogium by saying, "ln
fact, my lord, he is quite st. Paul"
"Ycs," replied the bishop, dryly, "In
prisons off,
AN old rail-splitter in Indiana put the
quietus upon young man who chatfcd
him upon his bald head. IN these,w0rds
"Ioung man, when my head gets as
soft as yours, can raise hair to sell.
A JERSEY man was once thrown 100
feet by an exprcss-train, when he pick
ed himself up, looked around for his
hat. and remarked, "Well, if | don't
find that hat, i'll make the company
pay for it,"
YOUNG SPoRTsMAN-"Does your fa-
thcr preserve at all ?" Ingenious
Maiden-"O no; we use all our fruit
for making tarts."
"W1LL your mother ever marry
again ?" he inquired. "Not with my
APPROVAL" she answered; "such Is my
opinion thus far, and not a step-father."
"YoUR intended Is hideous,'' SAYS a
frank French friend. "True," says the
ilancee, 'but If you only knew how
they notice me when he's alongr
A SENTIMENTAL young man thus
feelingly expresses himself: "Even as
Nature benevolently guards the rose
with thorns, so does she endow women
with pins"
HE said her hair was dyed and, when
she Indignantly exclaimed, "Tis false 20
he said he presumed SO.
WHEN he sighs for her and she sighs
for him, the sighs OF the times may
be considered auspicious for a we'd
ding.
BUT few men can handle hot lamp
chimney and say there is no place like
home at the same time.
nE m 'r'i."Ii >a,. ,t Dr. Tuil',
e. ,:r S.%rup has had the elect OF bring
iu- Uut numerous siulilar remedies:
bu the people are not so easily induced
to make a trial Of the new article, when
! they value the old and reliable one.-
| DR.. Bulbs Cough Syrup.