, 1880-07-05
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
A party is being organized IN Boston
to go through England on bicycles.
If your lamp is heavy, bit of long,
narrow paper will make lamp lighter.
A prima donna, according to cock
ney. is naturally timid creature, fer
her art is always in her throat.
An Irishman, on seeing a very small
coffin, exclaimed, els it possible that
coffin was intended for any living crea-
ture?"
AParis woman has discovered how
to prevent wrinkles. The remedy
shortens life. but what of that p Jer-
sey City Journal.
A man was drowned in bath-tub in
Boston last week. Those Boston peo-
pie should learn something abouta new
thing before trying it.
"How did you find your uncle,
John?" "In apple pie order" How
is that ~ ''Crusty." Naughty boy,
john Boston Transcript.
Patti, it seems, refuses to re-enter
society. o, why will you shut your
self up and be an oyster Patti p New
York Commercial Advertiser.
81 don't mean to reflect on you,"
said one man to another. "No," was
the reply, you're not polished
enough to reflect upon anybody"
Among the Romans the gift of ring
was badge of Liberation from slavery.
Married people may best explain
whether it is SO among the moderns.
A New Jersey colored man, whose
wife had left him, said: "She would
come back if frowed her sugar; but I
amt frowin' no sugar, do you heah ?"
A citizen of New Hampshire under
took to introduce to his towEsmen, Mr..
Green, attorney-at-law. Gentlemen"
said he, this is Mr.. Turner, green at
law"
Ralph Waldo Emerson keeps two
COWS and milks them himself. Some of
his brightest thoughts have come to
him while being kicked halfway across
the stable.
A traveller says that it Is true that
many young Russians will eat candles.
OF course they will; they eat the can
dies sd that they may kiss in the dark.
/ New York Herald.
No PLACE LIKE HoME.-Barber-
"Shall L give your head touch with
the tongs, sir ?" Customer" No, l
thank you. My wife attends to that. !"
l. Harvard Lampoon.
"What is the matter with your eyes?"
asked Smith, when he met Jones, on q
recent windy day. "Eyes have none.
Don't you see the wind has made
them water p was the reply.
John B. Cough complains of liquor
drinking on railroad trains. There is
a " smash there pretty often, to say
nothing of the conductors punch
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"This is sad commentary on our
boasted civilization" tramp despon-
IDENTIFY observed, when he discovered
that the ham he had taken from the
front of shop was wooden one.
Bashful Lover TO his belle):
"Would that l had three Kilograms of
dynamite p
Belle: "Why, monsieur ?"
Bashful Lover: "To break the ice
between u.s."
Late Riser: "What does man get
who comes late to breakfast"
Biddy: "He gets all he can ate."
Anyone but quick-witted Irish
woman would have replied that he gets
nothing at all.
A distinguished man once wrote to
his newspaper, Renew my name this
year; send me your paper as long as 1
live, and if you can send it after me in
the next world, do So" They say this
man lived to very old age.
"SAvE Me FROM My FR1ENDs."-
Artist: "Oh, so you think the back
grounds beastly, do you? Perhaps
the cattle are beastly, too, though I
fatter myself" Friendly Critic
"Oh, no. my dear fellow; that's just
what they should Ee y
A little girl of Sullivan, Moultrie
Co., Mo-, has the past winter bad, first
whooping cough, then chicken-pox
and few days ago took the measles.
AS she lay tossing upon her pillow she
looked up at her father and said,
"Papa, what comes next?"
The editor of newspaper that has
adopted phonetic spelling, in meas
ure, received postal card from an old
subscriber in the country, which read
as follows: 81 hev tux your paper for
leven yeres, but if you kant spell emmy
better than you have been doin fur the
las to months you may jes stoppit."
Miss Jones was ABOUT TO marry a