Daily Republican., 1880-08-26
FELLOWS or INFINITE JEST.

II EAhv ~A A~1 = 49,
"The Ezirth Provoking Pun, the
Dismal J0ke, the witty sailey
and the Merry 7aIe."
Burdette, Of the Burlington Hawk
eve, tells how the scarcity CT young
men works for evil at Nantucket: some
evening, don't remember when, l in.
troduced young friend Of mine, and
he was very bashful, Mr.. Julian G.
EIeinbrod, Of Buffalo, to young lady
acq uaintapos. After few moments ol
society chatter, he suggested the ioe
cream saloon.
Then she arose ard introduced him
to her two schoolgirl friends, her
mother, the mother OF one Of her
friends, and an aunt who was visiting
them. Then the aunt introduced him
TO her elder sister and an old lady who
was not a relative, they explained, but
was as dear to them as though she was
their own mother. Then they all said
in q general way, "Well, are you oil
readyf" and answered themselves in
the Affirmative, as they slowly followed
the horror.stricken young man to the
door, and the procession fled of down
the street towards the ice cream saloon,
stopping on the way at the house to
pick up the old lady's daughter, and
calling at q store for the twin cousins
Of one OF the aunts-beautiful girls
they were-trom Springfield.
| watched the column when itswune
BY 'fours, right line in front OF the lot
cream saloon, where 1t formed like
line of men at q railway ticket offics
the old lady smilingly and patiently
bringing up In the rear, standing undel
the pickering gaslig and the steadfas'
stars, awaiting her chance at the fro
zen pudding.
It was far, far in the summer nigh
when Julian Blginbrod returned TO thu
hotel, and when looked out Of thu
window and saw his pallid face ant
glittering eyes, and noted the club IL
one hand and the revolver in the other
and heard him mention my name ant
ask the night clerk what was the mum
bsr Of my room, / feared that he nigh
feel harshly toward me, and l barrica
ded the door of my room with thu
lounge, the beds!ead, the stove snt
trunk, Just before he came banging
against it. He slept in the hall tha
night, across my threshold, and
only escaped the next afternoon, wher
the landlord, aweary Of his incessan
pounding Of my door panels with hi
club, had him arrested as a dangerou
lunatic."
WHY BUGeINs woULDN'T co BERRYISG
Last Saturday Mrs. Buggins wanted
some berries for tea, and bssieged Bug
gins to 20 up in Smiths lot and plol
some. As the day was very hot tel
was to b. delayed until seven O'Clock
80 that Buggins need not start ou
until the hour Of q cooler atmosphere
tempered by long shadows. At fv'
o'olOck he started out lsisurely with
pail hanging on his arm, but IS b
approached the Smith lot Smith
thoroughbred Jersey set up = roarin
and admonished Buggins' that h
would dispute his entrance to the field
Mrs. Buggins', who had seen Bnggins
refuse to be killed q great many times
knew that their berries were "dished'
| for some other table, unless the diff
Guilty could b. circunivented. 30 sh
ran after Buggins with q piece of ohall
and told him to chalk his nose, "eaus
red alters makes bull mad"
But Buggins wasn't in sympath
with the genius Of his wife, and afte
stamping the pail to the shape Of th
--latest pattern hat, and making tn
bull ashamed OF himself by beatin
him at his own game Of roaring, Bus
gins marched over into town to sta
until the saloons shut up.
"Vote for Hancock" said the ma
with a shoe brush mustaohe and a ha
pound Of watch chain, as he pulled a
ace and king down his coat sleeve an
raked In the other fellows pile-"Vot
for HsncockY To be sure I'm going I
vote for him. Igo in for Hancock an
Honesty, dol" And before he got a
from the gaming table he was i've dol
liars richer than when he sat down. Sc
Norristown Herald.
BUTTON BURsTBRs.
Burnand, Of London Punch, is sal
10 ha AhA I raniaaL and most genial {