Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-12-30
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

himself from a wife VINO uoeS hoV
make good bread.
An exquisite being asked why he
married second time, replied; "Be-
cause it is re-wiving."
What are the most unsocial things
in the world? Milestones. You new
er see two of them together.
Sake says: Laws, like sausageS,
cease to inspire respect in proportion
as we know how they are made
"Mary Jane, have you given the cod
fish fresh waterW "No mitahl'
What's the use? They haven't drank
up what's in there yet"
One of the most curious things with
which we are acquainted is that
watch should keep perfectly dry while
it has a running spring inside.
Talmage is bounded on the north by
his ears, on the south by his feet, on
the east and west by his elbows. HIM.
Where does his month come in?
A little girl wanted to say that she
had fan, but had forgotten what it
was called, so she described it as
thing TO brush the warm off you With.
First gentleman Wt the theatre)--
"What do you think of the scenery
Second gentleman-"1 never saw a
prettier Gainsborough hat in my life
When you call an old maid
"matchless woman" she doesn't know
whether to smile sweetly in acknowl-
edgment, or knock you down for the
insult.
We see an article in the papers
about boy inventors. We hope they
will invent Il boy who won't whistle
through his fingers and yell on the
streets at night.
The woman who made Il pound OF
butter from the cream Of Il joke, and
cheese from the milk Of human kind
ness, has since washed the close OF
year, and hung 'em to dry ona Decline.
A Louisville matron, whose husband
snores badly, keeps a clothespin under
meath her pillow, and when his snoring
awakes her, she adjusts the pin on his
nasal organ, and then slumbers peace
fully.
An attachment to Il champagne-bOt-
tie, patented in England, permits a part
of the contents to be withdrawn with
out in the least injuring the rest. The
attachment to champagne-bOttles Ill
this country is such that not single
drop is left in them after they are once
opened.
The Russians have peculiar "eyc
fountain" for use of those who are Sub
iect to weak eyes. 1t throws tiny
Jet of delicate water spray for dis
tance of four feet, which when allowed
TO plav for few seconds only upon the
closed lids produce Il very refreshing
and permanently strengthening eilecl'
4 countrymm who had never paid
more than twenty-five cents to see an
exhibition, went to view the Forty
Thieves" The ticket seller charged
him seyenty-liye cents for II ticket.
Passing the pastcbOard back, he quietly
remarked: keep it, mister, | don't
, want to see the other thirty nine, and
out he marched.
. A very curious mode Of trying the
, title of land is prdctced in llindoStan;
two holes are dug in the disputed spot,
in each of which the plaintiffs and de-
PENDANTS lawyers put one of their legs,
and remain there until one of them is
tired, in which case his client is defeat
ed. In this country it is the client, and
not the counsel, that puts his foot in 1t.
A Frenchman who was afflicted with
the gout, being asked what difference
there was between that and the rhcu-
matism. "One very great difference,
= he replied. suppose you take one
vice, you put your finger in, you turn de
screw till you bear him no lOnger-dat
is de rheumatiz den, s'pose you give
| him one turn more, dat is de gout.
Don't smoke. But if you will smoke
use cigar-holder The medical jour
nails are reporting cases of syphilis COM
municated by the cigar. How they
, should learn such a fact we do not
know; but it is stated that over i've
hundred syphilitics were lately engaged
= in cigar-making in this city. They OIL
: ten make the ends stick by licking
them.
Statistics show that there has been II
9 gradual and steady increase in the av-
n erage length of life since the sixteenth
+ century. Much of the increased lon
/ gevity has been due to the improved
conditions of living among all classes,
! and the influence Of good living,
G home comforts, etc, is shown at the
v present time by the fact that the
. wealthy average twelve more years ol
life than the poor.
G Mrs. Augusta Cooper Bristol, at the
y great cooperative meeting III honor ol
Thomas Hughes, said substantially:
n The primitive man paid homage to the
a conqueror who agrandizcd himself and
III n small band of followers at the eX-
pense of the conquered; but in our hlg-
a er civilization homage will be paid to
e, those who fraterini2e the upper and
a lower classes-the capitalists and the
Up laborers, and make their interests one.
u u 1t is the opinion of the Rev. j. e.
n N Wood, a popular English writer on
y, ~ natural history, that the cockroach
" and the red ant, which abounds in
y, ~ England as in this country, are not
I'll indigenous there, but were imported in
merchandise from America. The num-