Sacramento daily record-union., 1880-12-07
ODD TESTS.

Some people aIe neNCi oosisuOu, NV"
ever fortunate they may be. A nurse
maid in the service of an English family In
Russia left her place to get married, but
had not been long welded ere she COM
planned to the Natchalaish of the district
In which she was domiciled, that her hus-
band did not love her as he should do, and
on the official inquiring how she knew it,
replied, Because he never whips me.
Doubtless the disappointed one meant
what she said. but she might have changed
her note had her desire been gratifed, like
the young wife suddenly bereaved Of
rich old husband, who refused to believe
her dear partner could be 80 cruel as to
leave her, crying out: He's alive,
doctor I'm sure he's alive tell me, don't
you think so?" This piteous appeal the
physician met by suggesting the application
OF a galvanic shock, and offering to apply
the apparatus. "Oh, no, no! !" exclaimed
the grief stricken widow ''hard as it is
to bear my fate, will have no expert
nents against the law of nature; let him
rest In peace !"
When it ia desirable to put any one to
the test there is nothing like doing so with
ont warning. An actor fond of playing
practical jokes at the expense of utility
men, heard that one of them-his particu-
lar aversicn-had boasted that if any trick
was played upon him he would turn the
tables in a way that would astonish the
actor. The latter, of course, resolved to
test the boasters readiness on the first
opportunity. He did not have to wait
long for the chance. One night, when the
honse was crowded, the carpenters failed
to get set scene ready in time, and
f" dead stick" ensued. Knowing his man
the stage manager entreated the joke low
ing actor to go on and "gag" for few
minutes. Certainly" replied he and
seeing the utility man at the wing, he
seized him by the wrist, and, spite of re-
sistsnce, dragged him to-the center of the
stage, and said "Your sister, then, has
been betrayed. Tell me the story The
frightened fellow had no story to tell, to
the crafty joker's delight. Whether the
audience in front and the manager behind
were equally pleased the record saith not.
In golden days the burgesses of Grimsby
were wont to decide which among them
should be Mayor, by very odd process.
Having chosen three of their number as
eligible for the position, they blindfolded
sthem, tied punches of hay at their backs,
and conducted them to the common pound,
where calf awaited their coming. he
whose bunch of hay was FIRST eaten by the
calf was pronounced most worthy of the
Mayoralty, and installed into the office ac-
eordingly.
William Thompson, the once famous
Maori chief, adopted shrewd method Of
deciding which of his two sons should sue
ceed him. As they stood before him as he
lay sick unto death, he suddenly addressed
himself to the elder, saying Shorthand,
take down that gan and shoot the white
man standing outside the hat" The youth
was about TO obey the order. readily
enough, when his brother intervened with
why should you kill the man? What
harm has he done to u.s." Then said the
old chief: &c Yes, that is right. You have
what is wanted-sense and discretion.
You will take my place when l am gone. "
And so the succession was settled.
Humboldt" said Middlesex militia
captain, Humboldt is an overrated man /;
there is very little in him, and he knows
nc moreof geography than my terrier there.
doris at Paris, and put him to the proof.
As long as he was talking of the Andes
and the Cordilleras, and places which none
hiHlStli lift0 SNOI HSdAA Ois hS AASN
II all his own way but the moment put
straightforward question to him, which
any schoolboy might lave answered, he
was foored. Now, Baron said l, can
you tell me where Turnham Green is? ,
Upon my honor he know no more about 1t
than know about Jericho" The conclu-
sion was as inevitable as that drawn by the
English carpenter working at the Vienna
Exposition, who complained to a newspaper
correspondent: "Only fancy, sir, here's
Friday-two days after the race-and we
don't know what was second and third for
the Derby yet and they call this here
country civilized I"
Mr.. Sala says that blind man might
tell the different denominations of Russian
notes by using his nose to determine their
value the rule being. the lower the value
the louder the smell. A hundred
rouble note will be redolent of patchouli,
jockey club, or some equally fashionable
perfume while the single-rou note usu-
aIly reeks of taIlow or coarse tobacco.