The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1880-02-26
A WICKED EDITOR.

with agriculture-Eust be a very pecu-
liar one. His agricultural patrons insist
upon comforting infallibility upon him,
and in holding him strictly accountable
for its exercise From all parts of the
country, letters are written TO him by
farmers thirsting for information, which
be is expected to furnish in the next
issue of his paper. He is required to
express opinions concerning the culture
Of abstruse vegetables and the rearing of
mysterious cattle. He Is expected to
know whether the eyes should be cut
out Of onions before they are planted,
whether pumpkin wipes should be pruned
in the spring or the fall, and what is the
best method of keeping moths out OF
winter cucumbers. If a COW is iniberal
in point of milk, the agricultural editor
is asked if he can certify to the efficiency
Of Smiths Mammalia Balm; and if pig
suffers from frequent headache, depres-
sion of spirits and chillness OF the hoofs,
he is required to prescribe for the AMI
nal. If in any instance his answers fail
to give satisfaction, he receives letter
denouncing him as an imposter and Or
dering him to discontinue the paper. 1t
is no wonder that the agricultural editor
becomes gloomy and disconnected man
and that he occasionally grows decidedly
misanthropic. Nothing, however, can
excuse him for deliberately and malic-
iousIy difcusipg misinformation endan-
gers the life of any of his patrons, he
deserves the execration due 10 one who
betrays his trust and becomes treacher-
Gus assassin.
Of such, it is painful to say, is an ag-
ricultural editor, whose name, as well as
the name of whose paper, will be with
held until it is called for by grand jury.
This wicked person was recently applied
to for advice concerning a mule, and his
answer was beyond doubt conceived
either with deliberately homicidal pur
pose or with cynical contempt for hui
man life. 1t appears that person re-
siding in Missouri, whom we may call
Brown, had an ailing mule. OF course,
he wrote to the editor of his favorite ag-
ricultural paper for adyice-though most
persons will fail to see any connection
between mules and agriculture. This
man wrote: Il have mule which be
came lame in one hind leg some three
weeks ago. It seems to pain him
very much What is the matter and
remedy1"
Now, we need not think it strange
that this letter exasperated the editor.
Was it reasonable to suppose that he re-
siding in an eastern city, should know
what was the matter with q given leg Of
a certain Missouri mule2 4 mule usu-
ally becomes lame through injudicious
kicking. II he kicks heavy mass OF
masonry, or the cheek bone of profes-
sionaI Irish patriot, the mule may sus
Or if, on the other hand, a mule were to
! find civil service reformer in the Treas
urv Department, and were to kick at
him, one or both hind legs would I'M
doubtedly be violently wrenched by the
strain. Then, there are various miscel-
laneous accidents which may render a
mule lame. How can an agricultural
editor prescribe for a lame mule when
no means of making a diagnosis are af
forded him2 The editor in question, of
course, knows in a general way the pro-
per course to be adopted when mule
becomes lame. The only safe treatment
is to shoot the mule, and thus put stop
to unnecessary effusion of blood. To say
that man takes his life in his hand who
NEEDLES with the hind leg Of lame, and
consequently abnormally irritable, mule
is a weak figure of speech. To attempt
to handle the leg in order TO apply rene
dies to it, is rather more dangerous than
it would be for a man to sit on a steam
boiler carrying 200 pounds of steam to
the square inch, and to endeavor to cut
it open with cold chisel in order to ex-
anime its interior.
When the wicked editor received this
letter from Mr Brown, and was exasper-
ated thereby, he conceived 8 most dia-
boIlcal scheme for the punishment OF the
writer. In the next Issue Of his paper
he printed-his letter, and proceeded to
answer it in grave and apparently hon
est manner. he remarked to find the
seat of the trouble, sponge the leg with
cold water" Not content with this, he
further advised Mr. Brown 10 '.apply
cold water frequently, and keep. wet
bandagas around the joint. Res" -ad-
ded the wicked editor. with cold and
I brutal sarcasm-''will be necessary"
There is not the slightest doubt that
/ if Mr.. Brown undertaken 10 sponge his
mules hiud leg with cold water, and to
keep wet baniages around the joint, he
will find rest necessary and inevitable.
| Within thirty seconds after the unhappy
| Brown begins to handle that leg he will
! find himself resting as he has never rest
ed before When sympathizing friends
gather him up from the neighboring
field and convey him in the shape of re-
mains to his afflicted widow, they will
understand that he has finally rested
from all his troubles, and the wicked
editor rs he reads the telegram announc-
ing the sudden death of Mr.. Brown, of
Missouri, by mule accident, will laugh
in the nearest available sleeve on his
successful vengeance upon an aggrvating
letter writer.
! Such v1ckedness cannot go unpunish-
ed Mr. Browns death-which has
probably occurred by this tine-must