Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-04-21
FUNNYGRAPHS.


society. - YOukers Gazette.
The young onion bed is now a scenter
OF attraction.-7Oledo Blade.
A NEBRASKA hotel keeper who steals
eggs says that he only peaches them
A LOCK that burglars never tamper
with--lockjaw .-AndreaUs' Queen.
GARDENERS find the April weather
very apt to spring leek. -NeaU Orleans
P5c0yune.
COURTNEY wants to know who sawed
Cadet Whittaker's ears.-NeaU York
Herald.
WHILE being wise, keep straight.
Never be crosswise. Ir0ga-
script.
The elevator boy has much to do to
wards the elevation of the Masses
Boston Transcript
Cows have an original taste for music
but they hook too many bars.-Chan
bers Journal.
| A CONGRESSMAN wants a law to pre-
vent the determination of the buffalo.
| What, another buffalo bill?
The reason that people file their mar
rage intentions is that everything may
The reason that Darwin's missing link
is SO hard to find is because dead men
tell of no tails.-NesO Orleans Times.
WE are told that "Gen. Sherman was
always coolest when on the point of at
tack" Most people are hottest when on
the point of tack.-Boston Post
Four million unmarried women in the
country and ice cream quotations steadily
| advancing. What is to be ?"-NeaD
York Commercial advertiser.
SPRING is SO backward about blowing
her breath this way that it's just possible
the dear thing has been eating onions
NeaO York Express.
A CLOCK was Gil view at the Paris ex-
hibition which fred off pistol hourly.
The exhibitor, on being questioned as to
the object, explained, phlegmatically,
that it was to &c kill time
A MICHIGAN woman cured setting
hen by placing a red-hot glass egg in
the nest. Hens know when not to set az
| well as man who gets up off a tack
| Detroit Free Press.
| A COLORADO girl only eighteen years
old, on the death of her father, took
charge of his family and farm, and now
manages her mother and her brothers,
and also her sisters, and her cousins,
and her rancho. -Burli,egto Haa0keye.
THERE isn't anything any prettier than
the just-hatcbed chicken with the cream
colored fluffy feathers, his yellow bill and
his bright little eyes. The only draw
back is the dozen eggs that failed to
hatch.-NeaO Haven Register.
A DREssMAKER got mad because her
lover serenaded her with flute. She
said she got all the futing she wanted in
her regular business. Cincinnati
Saturday Night. If she went on that
principle why did she get rufled
"WHAT's the matter, Johnny-not at
school? Are you Ill p mo, I've
struck. You see, I was getting 10 cents
o week for taking no sugar in my tea,
and Bill Wilkins, he gets Is, and want
my rights. I'm a workingman. IN. Y.
Commercial AdUertiser.
If you are thinking of moving into a
new street this spring and wish to know
what kind of children your neighbors
have, get pair of musicians, bagpipers
being preferable, and let them rouse
the whole neighborhood. -NeaU York
Herald.
Chow shall we stop the strikes?" asks
an New England paper. Well, with
your right hand generally, keeping your
left well up in front of you. When you
can't stop heavy one, it is allowable to
dodge it. But if you really don't know
how to stop them, keep out of the ring.
THE Boston Post says that after one
female lion tanner has been chawed up
by lion, it is perfectly safe for a second
to tackle him, as he has found out that
cotton and saw-dust, seasoned with
only slight amount of flesh don't taste
good.
"PA, will you get me pair of skates
eyes, my son." "Wen, one dog has
one more tail than no dog, hasn't he ?"
eyes" "Well, no dog has nine tails;
and if one dog has one more tail than no
dog, then one dog must have ten tails.
Hand over the skates, please. ''-Er.
The unkindest cut-Water rate colleo-
tor: &c Well, if you don't pay / shall
have it cut off. Shopkeeper with fine
irony)-"No, you wouldn't do that?
To have the pipes all froze and not
drop of water for six weeks IS ard enuf;
but you don't say as you've the art to
cut off the h1ce!'-Fu7a7ay F'Otcs.
A MICHIGAN man named Maginley has
lost his parrot, and isalmost crazy about
it. Not that he cared so much about
the bird, but it had got the habit of say
ing: cold Maginley's drunk again."
from hearing his mistress say it, and he's
afraid somebody'll find the bird--Boston
Transcript.
| FIEND-" Ha! ha-a-a! He has insulted
me! scorned me! spat on me. He has
robbed me of my property, alienated my
friends, and desolated my Preside. But
[ am revenged. Ha! ha-a-a! I have
sent his family a box of the Fifteen Puz-
zle. Ha! ha-a-a!'-Harper' Bazaar.
This short prayer from the Italian
may find responsive minds In any cline:
ST pray that may never be married.
But if I marry, pray that may not be
deceived. But If I am deceived, pray
that may not know of it. But if I
| L r