The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-08-18
AUGUST Is.
VARIETIES

delicately there's no taking a wink of
Shape for the pleasure of the pain"
Conscientious Conductor, declin.
ing tract which was offered him
with his fare: Every much obliged,
mum, but we amt allowed to take
perquisites whatever, num-"
"John," asked doctor of the
apothecary's boy, "did Mrs. Green
get the medicine / ordered ?" II
guess so" replied John; 'tor l saw
Grape on the door knob this morn
ing"
They were setting together Sun
day evening, with an album or two
between them, when she pleasantly
asked "How would You like to have
my mother live with you?" In just
fifteen seconds he had his hat down
half way over his face, and was bolt
ing through the gate.
(Scene in country inn.) Tourist:
"Contound it, woman; there's a
chicken in this eggm Landlady
NV ell sir, you are lucky one in a
few weeks 1 could have had half
crown for that fowl, and ere you get
it for twopence.' And still he was
not satisfed.-Fuuey Folks
How long will it be before you
get this work done?" said a lady to
an apprentice, who was painting her
house. "Well, 1 don't know, marm,'
said he; "the boss has just gone to
look for another job; if he gets 1t,
I'll be. done tomorrow, but if he
don't; I'm afraid it will take me ali
next week"
Il deal" remarks the merchant; 81
cut" adds the carpenter Il turnip
spades" says the gardener; Il pass"
observes the railroad superintendent;
II lead hearts," adds the beau; Il
follow suit" says the tailor with his
little bill; II trumpet" chimes the
cornet player; "You cur" shouts
the butcher, as the dog runs off with
Wv pOuh0 COCd0s Illus lIIdut
classes seem to be made game Of.
Scene at a wedding breakfast
Company all seated about the table.
a paose in the general conversation.
Happy husband 70 MS wffe's little
sister at the other end of the room
"Well, Julie, you have new brother
now" Julie Eyes, but mamma said
to papa the other day that she was
afraid that You would never amount
to much, but it seemed Sarah's last
chance"
A merchant DESTROYS of collecting
a large outstanding debt, went to an
agent and told him he would give
him half the bill as commission for
its collection. The agent agreed
Months elapsed. One day the mer-
chant met the agent. "By the way,
Mr.. -, have you collected that
bill vet ?" Not quite" said the agent,
moving down the street, Il got my
half two months ago, but your halt
l can't collect to save me"
Little Robby came home with his
new hat limp as dsh-cloth. "For
goodness sakem cried his mother,
"where have you been.?" Robby
began to whimper as he replied GA
Teller threw my hat into the frog
pond" "Oh, Robby !" exclaimed his
sister, "you threw it in yourself 1
saw you do it !" SWELL" SAID Robby,
CONTEMPORARY, faint I Teller p"
Indignation among the passengers
in railroad car is reported from
Ohio, because lady let her pug dog
drink out of the tin cup attached to
the water cooler. She replied to a
remonstrance by assuring them that
her dogs lips were cleaner than those
Of the tobacco chewing man that OBJ
iected. He retorted that he could
whip any man who would become
her champion, but no one volunteered.
A swain who was Tilted by a
young lady in Wellington, had his
revenge. She wrote TO him and re-
quested that he would be good
enough to return the lock of hair
which he had obtained from her.
His reply was brief and to the point.
Rummaging his trunk he collected
a heap of tresses, culled from various
sources during his love-making
career, and forwarded them in
bundle to his decelttul fair, inclosing
a note to the effect that he had really
forgotten which was hers, but she
might select it from those forwarded
and return the rest at her earliest