The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1880-09-17

Is what you lellers sec up here to draw yc
For my part, these all-1rc,l hills have beer
: the worse things we've had to contend
's With. Still. it's ail right il We like Il
o were glad to set. se; only it'S mig ighly fun
ny"
g No, Samuel calmly replied Mrs. L.
S in answer to his furious and sarcastic
= Equestiona, ''no. 1t isn't because there's
mo gray cloth in Burlington that patch
> ed vonr summer trousers with seal al-broWIl
basket-cloth, but I'm going to break you
I OF going III your shirt-Slecycs during btsi-
ness hours, or Ill make YOU the laughing
stock Of the town
i Monsieur Matthietl wag 1T n church.
r wedding, when, as is the custom III Paris,
; one Of the hridesmaides passed about Il
velvet pouch to receive donations from the
. charitable for some charity. As she passed
1t TO Monsieur Matthieu, he smiled most
| bewitchingly, aud with the ar with which
!, one declines a box Of hon-hons, said '.Not
lany for me, thank you
a fat man opens the door of his dress
ing~room enough to get his head out, antl
shouts, III despair, ''Waiter. some one has
stolen my trousers!'' "Impossible, sir;
here must be Il mistake somewhere; |
will search for thenl.' After while he
comes back without them, and says, u
cannot find them, sir; are you quite sure
you brought them with you?''
A school of poor children, having read
in the Bible the denunclations against
hypocrites who 'sstrain at a gnat and swal-
low camel We're afterwards examined,
| oy benevolent patrouesa rs to their recol-
sections Of the chapter. "What, in par
ocular, was the sin Of the Pharisees,
.hildren.' said the lady. "Aiting camels,
ny lady, WAS the prompt reply.
The clark day. in America commenced
| about 10 a. M, May 10, 1880, and con-
| ,inued until the middle Of the next day.
The arizona Miner says that woman
living on the Little Colorado was 2S years
ofage. The darkness created great con-
| sternation among her people, the Spanish,
md the Indians. The Spaniaids buried
heir saints and the Indians took to feast
ng.
The early riser has always an hour or
wo in hand, which the late lier loses and
AN never find, search as diligently as he
| nay. Things which begin well, for the
most part go we'll; and the punctuaIity
49, e
house where the day begins betimes, and
| he morning does not inaugurate u scran1~
3le, make half the pleasant-nass If domes-
liz HE
ssIs yoal. programme full, Miss Beetle
crusher.' asked a young man Of a West
ern damsel, who had just struggled ont Of
the refreshment-room with disappoint-
ment in her eye and an 'ofter Of dance"
ia her hand. Programme full?' said
9he daughter Of the Setting Sun; t'waal,
guess not! hain't had nothing but 4
piece Of cake and an ice cream, an that
lon't go far towards filling my program
me, | can tell you."
A foul-year old Sunday-school girl did
the best she could with a question that
was asked the infant class. Said the
teacher, reading from Isaiah xxxyii., /:
" And it came to pass, when King Heze-
kiah heard it, that he rent his Clothes
Now, what does that mean, Children
he rent his clothes'?o Up went q litsle
hand. swell. it you known, tell ua?''
"Please, ma'am, said the child, timidly.
81 s'pose he hired 'em OUT
A dentist pulled from a PATIENTS month
one of his stoutest molars, instead of the
defective tooth Whidh stood next it, Fu-
rious reproaehes from the unfortunate pa
tient. The dentist, for 4 moment Ciscon-
certed, retook his usual aplomb. "Sec
cayed tooth pulled out? It is to save the
others. Now this is just what | have
lone. [ have saved the only sound tooth
you have-by isolating it!'' ,&E
Robinson-You have seen more of the
world than most people, Mrs. Smart.
Now, where have you met the handsom-
est, pleasantest, and best-bred peopleY
Fair Anserican-Well, among your Brit
s.sh aristocracy. Robinson--Indeed That
is most gratifying to my pride as an Eng
lishman. And where have you sencoun-
ered-a-the ugliest, vulgarest, and most
'fensive specimens of humanity? Far
Aneerican-Well, among your British aEis-
ocracy!
Mrs D. is excessively sensitive about
ler. age. She reveals it to nobody, and
wen qualrels with her husband if he
risks the least allusion to it, Lately she
was put to q terribls embarrassment. She
was called as witness in court of Justice,
before which she knew she would be nut
2nder oath 10 tell her age, and she is very
conscientious. For three days and three
nights she worried about the matter. Then
great calm came upon her. GLOW old
IRE you?" asked the judge. .'.Thirty-five
vears, she answered, in An assured tone.
Then, III an almost voiceless whisper, she
added, ''and nine years more ~
Amateur Piano Players.--TWo OF the
best amateur piano players of Galveston
gave The anvil chorus the other night alta.
little social gathering. After the applause
had ceased, one Of the young ladies said
il was beautifully ren 7ered. /" 6, ~ y said .
y young man, who is not musical, 1T
brought real tears to my. eyes. It,ore-
minded me 50 vividly Of the time when ].
7 used to work il blacksmith shop, with
a cooper shop next door. ''ss. Il .ss5:4. 44.s
Sold His Dog. Gwen, I've. sold my
dog, Y said he as leaned against the door
jamb.
'sHaye You, though = How much did .