The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-03-06
THE LORD AND THE SWEEP.


l am addressing were born or their
mothers, either, for that matter-there
lived on Merton Square in the city of
Dublin, a certain nobleman, named
Lord Fitzpatrick Ponsonby. Aside
from his birth, his importance was
greatly increased by some high office
which he held under the Government,
the nature of which have forgotten,
although nurse Evans, who told me,
times without number, when l was a
child, the anecdote l am about to re-
late, used to give great emphasis to
said office, as being something that
added wonderfully to his dignity.
But even though he was Lord, and
a high and mighty something else, he
possessed many of the weaknesses of
common humanity; his most obvious
one being excessive vanity. Now, we
are apt to attribute this quality exclu-
sively to our female relatives" to
our sisters and our cousins and our
aunts but if you keep your eyes
wide open, and are of an observ-
ing turn of mind, you will not
be long in discovering that the other
Tide of the family are quite as much
given to undue appreciation of their
own fine points. However, 1 am for
getting my story, and no doubt you are
glowing impatient, and wishing l could
stop my pressing, just as l used to do
myself, when nurse Evans paused by
theway to moralize.
Well, then, to proceed, Lord Ponson-
by was very vain, not of his title, or
wealth, or dignity of office, but of his
own person. He was handsome man
with q finely developed figure, which
he was never tired of showing oft to
advantage; especially proud was he of
his fine calves. Now, children, see
interrogation points in every one of
your eyes. And when l say that mean
the calves of his legs, 1 imagine that 1
see the interrogation points rapidly
change to exclamation points of the
very biggest kind; but l was about to
add, by way of explanation when the
expression in your eyes interrupted me,
that in the days to which am referring,
not only little boys but grown up men
wore knee breeches, very similar to
those worn by little boys nowadays;
and every man who could draw his silk
stockings on over a well-formed limb,
was just as proud of its well-developed
shape as ever his wife or daughter was
of her pretty foot or face.
And now, after SC long a preface, |
am going to relate to you how Lord
Fitzpatrick Ponsonby's fine calves
brought him to grief, or rather, how
his vanity concerning them did. One
day the fashionable club of which my
lord was a member, gave great din
ner, to which all the noble "big bugs
were invited. At this dinner my lord
determined to appear in his court dress,
which was very gay and rich affair.
Accordingly, calling his valet, he had
himself arrayed in what we would now
think very queerly fashioned coat,
underneath which he wore a gaily bro
caded waistcoat of very rich texture,
and odd shape, reaching nearly to his
knees. On the front of his shirt bosom
were wide frills of the choicest lace;
also about his wrists, and falling over
his white, shapely hands. On his feet
he wore low shoes, fastened with large
silver buckles, set with precious Jewels,
while his much adored legs were COW
cred with pair of knee breeches, also
fastened at the knee with silver buckles
similar to those on his shoes. He wore
also pair of silken hose that nurse
Evans declared, 60 were the most ILL
giant things, intirely, viz liver laid eyes
AMI"
As, thus festively attired, he entered
his wife's sitting room to say Good
bye" before starting out, she inquired if
he had yet ordered the carriage.
Carriage, my lady! No, indeed. l
shall walk to the club" he replied.
The day is fine, and prefer to 60 on
foot"
Now Lord Ponsonby's wife being as
plain and unassuming in her manners
as he was vain and pompous in his,
thought that so much elegance of dress
would accord better with the privacy of
the family coach than the publicity of
the dusty thoroughfare; therefore she
demonstrated, saying that his dress
would make him conspicuous at such
an hour. But that was just what my
lord desired, above all things; besides,
he was what nurse Evans called a
" cranky man." and did not like to be
interfered with in his whims. The
more his wife said the more set he be-
came in his determi nation.
"Show me the man." said he, "who
can boast of handsomer pair of legs
than these, with which to take himself
over Cork Hill, and then | will consent
to hide these in a stuffy coach. Was
there ever a stocking a heater fit" he
continued, as he turned and twisted his
head about, in his effort to look over
his shoulder, and thus catch sight in
his wife's mirror of the beautiful silken
coverings. Pardon me, my lady, for
not humoring your wishes; but Mar
row Bone stage suits my mood best;'
saying which Lord Fitzpatrick de-
parted, stepping off finely, his ieweled
buckles twinkling in the sunlight.
Many little street urchin, playing
by the roadside, made round ewes az
him, as all this splendor and pride
flashed upon his sight.
"Begorra, Teddy, whin did viz liver
see the likes av that nowr' said one
ragged little fellow who, with his COM
panion, was playing in the mud, as
children of all chimes and centuries
have done, and will do whenever the
chance offers, to the end of time. Then
the two set off on chase after him,
wheeling around and about him to take