The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-12-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

A boy recently hanged himself be-
cause somebody found fault with him."
That boy was certainly not born to be
an editor.
A Western lawyer included in his bill
| against his client: ''To waking up in
the night and thinking about your case,
So
1t is odd and something melancholy
to see a man trying to ''make up his
mind when he has no material on
hand to work with.
There is something terrible in the eN-
preston of q cross-eyed barber when he
takes customer by the nose and holds
bright new razor over his throat.
An editor in Iowa has become so hol-
low from depending on the printing
business for bread that he proposes to
sell himself for stove-pipe.
1t is bad enough to have dog days;
but it is almost too much for good nat
ure to be afflicted alse with cat nights.
Neav York Commercial Advertiser.
Ada Gagged ~, who was doing some
thing, and was told to desist by her
mother. Mother-''Ada, am to speak
to you again?'' Ada-''Yes, ma, you
may, if you like
An old widower says, when you pop
the question to n lady, do it with kind
of laugh, rs if you were joking. 1t she
accepts you, very good; if she does not,
you can say you were only in fun.
An elderly resident of Newtown was
approached by an agent for cyclope-
dia. 81 guess | won't get one," said
the elderly resident. and frankly added,
81 know ] never could learn to ride one
of the pesky things
A very good hit was made the other
day by one of the defeated candidates
at primary election. A gentleman
approached linn with. ..Wel." said he,
Il feel pretty much like Lazarus did"
GAS Lazarus did?'' "Why, yes" said
he; Lazarus was licked by dogs, and
so was l..
A new clerk in n drugstore was dis
charged the other day because he didn't
know how to look wise, roll his eyes,
turning red i'm the face as he handed
out a little powder that had cost the
concern two cents and a fraction
Emotion and business don't jingle.
They were sitting together Sunday
evening, with an album or two between
them, when she pleasantly asked:
s.How would you like to have my moth
er live with you?' In just fifteen sec
over his face and was boiling through
the gate.
Think" shudderingly means Pa
cific coast paper, ''of joining heart and
soul in hallelujah chorus with an anti
quated bonnet six months old! There
is something shocking in the very sug
- Ill 4
prophecies there is no statement that
new robes will be furnished to the
angels every day or two?
A man who was born ON the 29th of
February, said he was born forty-nine
years ago, but had birthday only once
in four years. He was asked what he
did the other three years, and said he
proved an alibi. He must have been
the man who, on being accosted by a.
that said, 1--we seen you be-
FORE" replied, ''No, think not, for
am always somewhere else"
Not long ago an Irishman applied to
an overseer in Tyne shipyard to be
put on a Job. He was informed that
his request could not be complied with;
but as Pat continued to gaze at an an
chor which was lying in the vicinity
the foreman repeated his reply that
there was no work for him and advised
him to go away. '.Divil a bit will l
stir, sorr, till l see the man that's going
to use that pickH'
An English Vicar was standing on a
morning, at his gate, when one
of his parishioners arrived with bas-
ket of potatoes. @'What's this?'' said
the Vicar. please, SIR" replied the
man, .'it's some of our very best taturs
"a very rare kind, sir. My wife said
YOU should have some of them, as she
heard you say in the sermon that COM
mon taturs didn't agree with YOU"