The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-10-28
Curing a Cold.
BY MARK TWAIN.

BY MARK TWAIN.
The first time began TO sneeze,
friend told me to 60 and bathe
my feet in hot water and 60 to bed.
L did so. Shortly after another
friend told me to get up and take a
cold shower bath. | did that also.
Within the hour, another friend, as
sured me that it was policy to feed
a cold iand starve fever. l had
both. So thought it best to fill
myself up for the cold, and let the
fever starve awhile. In a case of
this kind l seldom do things by
halves; ate pretty heartily. Icon
ferred my custom upon a stranger,
who had just opened his restaurant
on Corlandt street, near the hotel,
that morning, paying for full
meal. He waited near me in re-
spectful silence until l had finished
feeding my cold, when be inquired
if the people about New York were
much afflicted with colds. l told
him l thought they were. He then
went out and took in his sign.
1 started up towards the office,
and on the way encountered anoth-
or bosom friend, who told me that a
quart OF warm salt water would
come as near curing a cold as any
thing IN the world. 1 hardly
thought / had room for it, but l
tried it anyhow. The result was
surprising. believe l threw up
my immortal soul. Now, as l give
my experience only for the benefit
of your friends who are troubled
with this distemper, feel that they
will see the propriety of my eau
tioning them against following such
portions of it as proved insufficient
with me, and acting upon this con-
victioa warn them against warm
salt water. 1t may be a good
enough remedy, but l think it is
rUther too severe. If had another
cold in the head, and there was no
course lett me but to take either an
earthquake or a quart of warm salt
water, / would take my chances on
the earthquake. After this every
body in the hotel became interested,
and l took all sorts of remedies
hot lemonade, cold lemonade, pep
per tea, boneset, stewed quaker,
hoarhound syrup, onions and loaf
sugar, lemonade and brown sugar,
vinegar and laudanum, five bottles
of fir balsam, eight bottles of cherry
pectoral, and ten bottles OF Uncle
Sans remedy, but all without ef-
feet. One of the prescriptions CIV
en- by an old lady was-well, it was
dreadful. She mixed a decoction
composed OF molasses, catnip, pep
permint, aqua fortis, turpentine,
keI osene and various other drugs,
and instructed me to take a wine
glass full of it every fifteen minutes.
never took but one dose; that was
enough. had to take to my bed.
and remain there for two entire
days. When 1 felt little better
more things were recommended. /
YVES desperate aud willing to take
anything. Plain gin was recon-
mended, then gin and molasses,
then gin and onions. | took all
three. | detected no particular re-
suit, however, except that bad &C
quired a breath like Il turkey buz-
zard, and had to change my board
ing place. At this new place they
suggested a different remedy TO any
yet tried. A sheet bath was recon-
mended. l had never refused a
remedy yet; therefore | determined
TO take a sheet bath, though / had
no idea what sort Of arrangement it
vas. 1t was administered at mid
night, and the weather was very
frosty. My back and breast were
stripped, and a sheet (there ap
peared to be a thousand yards Of it)
soaked in Ice water was wound
around me until L resembled n swab
for a columbiad. 1t is a cruel ex-
pedient. When the chilly rag
touches ones warm flesh it makes
him start with sudden violence and
gasp for breath just as men do In
the death agony. 1t troze the mar
row in my bones and stopped the
beating of my heart. Thought my
time had come. When / recovered
from this a friend recommended
the application of a mustard pins
ter to my breast / believe that
would have.cured me efFectually il it
had not been for young Clemens.
When l went TO bed / put the mus
tard plaster where / could reach it
when l should be ready for it. But
young Clemens got hungry in the
night and ate it up. ] never saw
any child have such an appetite. |
am confident that he would have