St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-05-07
Squibs.

"Oh mister" said an old lady after
a bicycle had passed her, ''iust now
seed a wagOn-wheel runnin' away with
a man. You kin believe it or not.
wouldn't if hadn't seed it myself"
The HON Jrnl stks to its spelng re-
form with przstncy worthy better
koz. The language begins to lux like
a vtern ov the lat war, minus wun arm
and both legs.-[New York Advertiser.
Artemas Ward once commenced a
lecture by saying: Ladies and gentle
men, | possess a gigantic intellect, but
l haven't it with me-"
"What pretty children and how much
they look alike" says C., during first
visit at a friends house. "They are
twins," his friend explains. "What
both of 'em ?" exclaims C, greatly in
terested.
OF a gentleman recently deceased,
friend said to news -gatherer: "He was
in the Legislature one year; but |
wouldn't say anything about that.
Otherwise his life was free from blot."
= Council Bluffs Nonpareil.
A professor was explaining, in
young ladies school in France, the the
ory according to which the body is en-
tirely renewed every seven years,
Thus, Mile. F." said he, addressing
a pretty blonde with a wideawake face,
''in seven years you will be no longer
Mile. r" Il hope not, replied the
unsophisticated, casting down her eyes.
just before a prominent ex-efiice-
holder of Hartford retired the other
night, he got down on his hands and
knees and peered anxiOusly under the
bed. "What in the world are you look
ing for, Edward ?" inquired his wife.
Looking for woman," promptly re-
piled her husband. you've been
looking for man under the bed for Is
years, and l thought I'd start Il hunt for
woman, and I'll bet T'll find the
woman before you do the man" "-I Hart
ford Post.
When yOu see mother of ten-year-
old boy making rapid progress in the di-
rcction of the river with good stout
bean pole in her hand, you will not be
far out of the way should you conclude
she is going fishing. She is going on IL
''whaling" vOyage-prOvided she can
find the boy Yonkers Statesman.
When a man looks back into the dim
vista of bygone years, about the ONLY
| Shiiis iC Stlh ItlbClll bCl are Ills IllOlneiS
slippers, his first pair of boots, the old
schoolmaster and the little rosy
checked school girl who used to make
his heart ttutter whenever she asked
him for bite of his chewing-gum.
Life was worth living in those days,
even though there wasn't much money
in it, Hackensack Republican.
fwequently thought, in fact aw had
partially wesolved that | would neyah
bothah myself about getting marwied,
70 considerable extent it is a pweat
baw to have to fasten ones self TO n
female cweachah verwy pwobably faw
the wemainder of ones existence. A fell
law weally ought not to do it, unless he
Is desperwately Y in love. But that sort
of thing has almost gone out of fashion.
except among the lowah classes and
barbarwians, or inhabitants in recently
discovered countries.- Fitznoodle, in
Puck.
Spectator to old miner in Leadville
handing him bag of samples, "GoId
quartz or carbOnates ?n The honest
miner turned it over in his hand ipdif.
ferently, took out his knife and picked
at 1t a while, and then asked. "Go
| much of it? thousands of TONS y an.
swered the other eagerly. Chow mucl
do you suppose she'll run ?n Cant tel
nothin' without an assay" "But yo,
can guess, can't you, you can guess 2
ION, yes, anybody kin guess but ;
: guess is liable to be extravagant. Now
should say-but, mind ye, 1 may o,
over the mark-I should s-a-a-y turn
T ing the specimen over again and hold
ing 1T up to the lighD, should s-a-a-a,
That II you can save the gold in this an,
a catch the silver, and not waste the lead
> that lt might run abOut-well, abou
L two dollars to the county"