Ashtabula weekly telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1880-1886, 1880-08-27
Nasty.
The Corners Heenne Tremendously Avi-
fnted over y Very Important Evcnt-Tho
Matter OF Pcnsionina Confcdernte Sol
From the Toledo Blade.1
CONFEDRIr X ROADS,
(Wlch Is in the State NV KentuckyO

CONFEDRIr \ ROADS,
(wioh is in the State Nv Kentucky) 7
The Corners is a blaze of eggscite-
ment In the louisville papers wioh
wuz received here last week there cum
an account nv a Confedrit solier, wich,
ez soon ez he heerd NV the nominashen
NV Hancock, and fully bleevin in his
eleckshun, immejitly filed his petishon
for a penshun.
The Confederit stated boldly in his
applicashen that he ned never bin in
the servis NV the Yoonitid States. but
that he he'd served four Yeers in the
Confederit army, and bleeved that he
wuz entitled to a penshun the same ez
tho he he'd worn the bloc instid NV the
gray.
In less than a minnit there wuz the
widest eggscitement the Corners hez
seen sense the surrender NV Lee. The
citizens gathered about Bascom's by
the hundred, and ther wuz but one
opinyun about it.
"Ef this crooel war is reely over"
sed Captain McPelter, land the era of
good feelin is RELY goin to be inogger-
ated by the elecshun of Hancock, why
continyoo these worn-out distinkshuns?
Et we understand the posishun NV the
DimOcrisy, the late Onpleasantnis wuz
merely difference of opinyun between
the two seckshuns. witch led to armies
and sich. But ez neither side wuz con-
kered, and ez the war meant nothin at
all, all traces NV it shoOd be immejitly
Obliteratid Ez men from the North
took up arms, the country pays them
| penshuns. Now wat / want to know is
why men from the South wich took up
arms shood not be paid penshuns like
wise? We both fit for our noshuns, and
both wuz ekally mertorious. 1t is
| the doOty NV reunited country to ce-
ment traternal feelin, and how kin it be
done ez well ez bypayin both sides pen
| shuns."
The speech wuz resolved with more
| applause than any speech / hev heerd
for yeers, and immejitly it wuz resolved
that every man in the Corners witch
he'd served in the Confedrit armies
shood to wunst file hiz clame so ez to
| git in early.
There wuz a rush like that NV cir
cus-wagon. Every citizen NV the Cor
ners he'd, immeiitly a strong recolleck-
shun NV hevin been in the Confedrit
servis, inclOoding suthin like fifty witch
he'd sekoored pensions alreddy for serv-
isses in the Fedrel army.
Deekin Pogram filed petishun settin
forth that while he wuz never reglerly
enlisted in the Confedrit servis, he he'd
contracted a severe rOOmatism BUSH
whackin Fedrel pikkits, doorin Gar
fields invashun NV the sacred soil, and
was entitled to penshun on that skore.
Issaker Gavitt set forth that while he
he'd not sholdered his muskit in the
feeld, he spent six months in Inieany
assistin the Knights NV the Golden Cir
kle in resistin drafts and sich, and in
votin the Dimecratik tikkit, witch wuz
NV more servis to the Confedracy than
ez tho he he'd reglerly enlisted.
l put in my clame for three months
service with the Looisianer Pelikins,
wich indulged in more foot races than
any regiment in the Confederacy, and
also for Organizin draft riots in Ohio.
Bascom claimed penshun ON the
score NV keepin his bar open late at mite
for the refreshment of Deekin Pogram
and others ON their return from bush
whackin.
Mahlon Petuts he'd actily served with
Forrest, and participated in the mas
sacre at Fort Piller. To prove it he
he'd the thigh-bone of a nigger solier,
witch his sister (wich is a artist) he'd
carved with appropriate inscripshuns.
All the citizens nv the Corners, with
the eggscepshun NV Pollock and Joe
Bigler, rushed in, and they cum so fast
that it was impossible to take their
names.
To simplify the matter, Bascom Sc
jested that committee be appointed
TO file the claims, and that this COM
nifty shood copy the tax list and for
rerd all the names onto it ez entitled to
penshuns.
There wuz immeiit dissent from
this for there wuz only ten or dozen
names on the tax list, and they wuz
mostly radikels.
Here my genius shone out.
"We will not yoose the tax-list," sed
l, "but rather the poll-sheet NV the
last elecRshun. All that we permitted
to vote in this precinct may Justly
clame 60 be confederits, and we shell
git all wich is really entitled to consid-
erashun."
This seiestion wuz adoptid, and am
bizzy at work maxim out their applica-
shens.
Two onpeasantnisis okliurred Sam
| PettibOne cum up to be enrolled for his
penshun, and showed that he had
served in the 10th Alabama. | wuz a
putin him down when Issaker Gavitt
interfered
"Sam, you can't play that onto me-"
said Issaker. "You did enlist in the
10th Alabama, but YOU desertld. Ez
much ez want to bring capitle to the
Corners the Yoonitid States amt agoin
to pay penshuns TO u man which de-
serrid the COnfederacy in her hour NV
need"
Sans name wuz immejitly stricken
Off the role. There is great deel NV
Sprrtan virchoo in the Corners.
Another trouble okkurred with Smith
Peyton. He come and claimed to be put
down ez being entitled to a pehshun,
"But you served in the Fedrel army"
objectid Issaker.
"Troo," sed Smith, "but desertid
and hev votid the Dimekratik tikket
without n scratch, ever sence.'
His case wus taken into consideration,
and il wuz FINELY decided that his name
shood be entered. With these tritlin
excepshuns everything wus harmo-
nious.
l find that every citizen NV the Cor
ners, oNceptin Pollock and Bigler wuz
In the Confedrit servis, either as ac-
tooal soljer, or in sum way engaged in
| promotin its interests. We shel insist,
to put us on a complete equality with
the Fedrels, that these penshuns shell
date back to the beginnin NV the war,
aud intrest shell be compounded from