Connecticut western news., 1880-10-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

IQ0duS - uO D6duS.
 MRS. MOONEY says her husband will never be struck by lightning, because he always''gets insulate.
 IF THE age of men were to be reckoned only by hours and days well spent most of us would be in our infancy.
 JUDGE TREAT sits on the bench in St. Louis. There is no difficulty in finding lawyers to practice at his bar.
 AN OLD proverb says: "He that will steal an egg will steal an ox." Very likely, for some eggs are stronger tban yoke of oxen.
 THE grasshoppers which arrived in Texas too late for the crops were so mortified that millions of them laid down and died.
 A TURKISH doallar is worth nine cents, and the Turks look with contempt on the Peruvians, whose dollars are only worth two cents. e... ssNo, sir" said the Cincinnati man, Cincinnati is not the Paris of America. Paris is the Cincinnati of Europe" That's how Cincinnati men feel.
 THE average age of a hog is only fif- teen years. This always consoles us when we see @ man spreading himself out over four seats in a railway car. BABY, new to earth and sky, Soon as born begins to cry, Day and night does baby yell, And makes its daddy mad as--well, Mad as anything. A WOMAN near Cairo dressed up as Q man to see how much bluff her husband would take from @ stranger. She goC forty-six bird-shot in various parts of her body. She's satisfied.
 CRUELTY to any living creature shows bad heart. The boy who delights in torturing wasp with pin will surely come to some bad end if the wasp has e fair show in its business movements.
 'S1TDowN, " said ahandsomely dressed and vivacious young lady to compan- ion at fashionable watering place; "sit down; it's the only thing you can do here without being obliged to pay | for it.
 SOME men fail to get rich because they are too honest to make money in for bidden ways, while others deliberately fail to get rich, paying ten cents on the dollar and reserving the ninety per cent. for future use.
 SCIENTISTS say that shutting the eyes makes inc sense of hearing more acute. It is fact that the more people shut their eyes to the doings of public oti- cials, the more official stealing they are liable to hear about
 PROFESSOR FELLOWS says that if man with little nose marries woman with 8 large Roman nose she will be the mas- ter. and that an able man will have a big mouth, like Clay's or Webster's, and big chin, like Macaulay's.
 A SOLDIER was being fogged for some grave offence, and at every blow he burst out into fresh peels of laughter. On being asked the reason he replied, "Why, my friends, I laugh because you are whipping the wrong man; that is al."
 NATURAL 1law.-Englishman (to Scotch Packman) )-"Mac, how is it that when you Scotch come to England you never go back?" Scot-"Weel, ye see, it is in @ way impossible for us to go back, be- cause we mak' it point to be aye gaun forrard."
 WHEN politician announces that he will discuss the question of the hour, somehow or other all the ''boys," who- ever they are, expect him to begin with, 'What will you take ?" as the one great question that unifes parties and ob- literates sectional lines.
 THE reason why certain foolish men take more pleasure in low and sensual pursuits than in the higher pursuits which afford serener if less exciting happiness, is to be found in the fact that they are foolish, just as it said that the donkey prefers thistles to corn simply because he is donkey.
 A GUMdY is on the point of marrying. His uncle proposes to make things agree able with settlement of 200, ,000 francs 1; the young man insists on having 400, 900. "Come, uncle, my dear uncle," says the young man, his voice trembling with deep feeling ''surely you wouldn't wish your nephew to be desiring your death for miserable little 200, GOO francs !"
 "WI11 you be kind enough to turn my horse?" said gentleman to silver haired member of the Society for the Prevention, etc. "No, sir" was the prompt and humane reply, "While MT, Bergh lives it is contrary to law. "What Contrary to law to turn a horse ?" "Yes, sir, because the horse is right side already and it would be both wicked and cruel to turn him."
 SOME years ago there was theatrical performance in San Francisco; baby in the gallery began to screech So loudly that the actors were quite thrown out, and the manager, to drown the child's cries, bade the orchestra strike up @ loud tune, whereupon a miner, who had just come in, shouted out, "Here, I say, stop them darned fiddles. I haven't heard a baby's voice for seven years ]" TAUGHT A TRADE.-It is a curious fact