, 1880-01-26
Wit and HHmOr.


tenn ov spelling seem to want to institut
go az yu pleez' orthografy.-[ De-
troit Free Press.
An Irishman who had on a very rag
ged coat was asked of what stuff it was
made. Bedad, I don't know; think
the most Of it is made of fresh air."
Why is paper money more valuable
than gold? When you put it in your
pocket you double it, and when you
take it out you find it still in creases.
Nothing could be more natural or
proper, when defaulting clerk fails
to keep his accounts straight. than to
send him to the house of correc-
ton.
Lady. to married friend, who has
been telling her all about her travels
We'll, my dear, what struck you most
during your trip ?" Married friend
My husband!"
An Irishman having purchased an
alarm-clock, an acquaintance asked him
what he was going to do with it. "Och, :"
he answered, "sure have nothing to
do but to pull string and wake me-
SELF"
A good old negro was burned to a
crisp recently some where down in Geor:
gia. The text of the funeral address,
oddly enough, was: "Well done, thou
good and faithful servant. p Rome
Sentinel.
1t is said that a minister in country
kirk in. Scotland stopped IN the
course of his sermon to ask member
who was deaf, Are ye hearing, John 2"
''Oh, ave." was the response; Il am
hearing, but to verra little purpose"
"Isn't that your friend, Nine. B.,
who is dancing there?'
eyes"
"That's a frightfully ill-made dress
she has oD."
Yes, but if it wasn't it wouldn't fit
her,"
Prisoner, how old are your"
Twenty two, your honor" "Twen-
ty-two? Your papers make out that
you were born twenty three years ago."
80 was, but l spent one year in
prison, and don't count that-it was
lost time."
An Albany man has had to pay his
aunt $4,000 on breach of promise
suit, and his grandmother and two 9TH
er townships are yet to be heard from.
Why will men of capital remain in the
East when Detroit offers so many ad-
vantages. Free Press.
The natives of the Sandwich Islands
greet each other with, "Whoa, Emma!'
and then sit down on log and weep in
chorus. They think it is something
sad-soEethlng like: "Never put Off
till tomorrow what you can do this af-
ternoon."- Free Press.
One of the little ones asked if she
might play while on the organ, but
was refused, as their nearest neighbor
had just died; she WAS silent for q mo-
ment and then said, "Why, if Les
dead he can't hear it, so I don't see
what difference it makes"
Strong-minded wife" Eh, Jeames,
you are great on language; what is the
difference between exported and trans
ported ?" Submissive husband" Why,
my dear. if you should go to Europe In
the Bothnia, you would be exported,
and I, we'll! 1 should be transportedl'
"And how does Charlie like going
to school?' kindly inquired good man
of the little six-year-old boy who was
waiting with tin can in hand the ad-
vent of another dog. 81 like goin'
we'll 'nough," replied the embryo states
man, ingeniously, "but I don't like
stayin' after git there"
Husband" Maria, my dear, you
seem to be very lonesome in my COM
pany. Do you not love me now as you
did before our marriage ?" Wife
"Why, of course, Gerald; but you
know, since our marriage we have be-
come one, and I feel lonesome without
a second party"
"Ah, Louise, my heart is very de-
spondent. Ever since I have gazed
into the depths of those lovely eyes,
/" Hush, John; put an air brake
on that train of thought. Pa has intro
duced me to his new partner, and am
his for 81, 900, 900. That settles it,
New Haven Register.
A little girl, being at the house of a
neighbor who was preparing dinner, on
asking what was in the pot, being told
that it was hominy, said, II love hon.
my" Whereupon the young woman
said that if she had small bowl, she
would give her some to take home. "a
large bowl will do just as we'll, was the
quick response.
A prominent attorney residing in
Syracuse, while fishing day or two
since, pointed out to companion =
sign board, remarking, ''The fellow
that put that up is liar" Why 2"
asked his companion. Because that
sign reads, No fishing in this brook,
and caught the best trout in my bas-
ket directly under the board"