The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-11-16
THE AMsIDExTROUs REPORTER.

THE Kansas City Times says. There
Il is a reporter at the Times Office who
writes with equal rapidity with either
hand. He is an ambidexter, and bold
bad one at that. When ther is a rush
of work at the office, and the evil Is
shouting "coppee" like fiend incar-
nate, this useful reporter sits down at
his desk In full company front, and with
a pencil in each hand, slings off local
happenings by the yard. He writes on
two sheets at once, and don't let his
right hand know what his left hand is
driving at, but 1t is driving all the
same.
Recently he got little off his mental
base, and attempted to write up dog
fight and wedding in high life at the
same time. He got things mixed. His
hands ran clear away with the gray
matter in his skull, and things became
terribly confused. This is the way his
items telescoped each other:
AT Grace Church, last night, the nup-
tials of Mr.. Thomas johnson and Miss
Julia Lawrence were celebrated in most
magnificent style; costly floral horse
shoe being directly over the alter, and
when the yellow cur saw the flames of
anger darting from the eyes of the brin-
die fyste, he opened with the strains of
the wedding march. AS the handsome
couple walked down the aisle the excit-
ed crowd began to get frantic, and there
were yells of "Sick 'em Bull" "At
him now, Towser," as the spectators be-
came interested in the fight. The bride
was elegantly attired in pure white gar
ments of the most costly fabric, and she
wore the traditional white veil and a
wreath of orange blossoms had him by
the neck, and his tongue began to loll
out and his eyes to turn somersaults as
if in the customary black dress suit,
white gloves, ears cropped close to his
head. He was disreputable looking
dog in the beginning, and ought to have
been whipped for being so homely. He
is of good family, and is engaged in
one of the most extensive manufactur-
ing establishments in the West. But
the yellow cur seemed to be getting the
advantage, as he now succeeded in get
ting death grip, on the throat of the
big brindle, and when he tenderly kissed
the bride according to the ancient GUS
tom, his back was covered with mud
and his off hind leg was terribly chewed
up. Among the costly presents received
by the happy pair were fine grand
piano from the father of the bride, hair
had teen scalded from his back, and one
eye seemed to have been struck with an
augur. After short bridal tour the
happy couple will settle down to one of
the hardest-fought battles the reporter
ever witnessed and it was difficult to tell
which dog had been punished worst
The fight ended at exactly 4:4S, after
having been bitterly contested at the
residence of the BRIDES parents, and he
was taken to his owners home in a
! wheelbarrow. He will probably never
recover, and if he does will be totally
blind, besides being permanently lame
in the left hind leg the beautiful bride
received the congratulations of a host of
friends. The groom is one of our most
promising young men, and his owner
breads the possibility of losing him, as
he fears that he can never replace him.
The father of the bride is one of our
wealthiest merchants, and the yellow
fyste limped off with knowing look in
his eye and saucy curl in his tail, as
much as to say, "Who else wants to try
me P"
The ambidexter was summarily SIR
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