The Osceola times., 1880-10-02
HIS CAT.
The Trials and Tribulations OF New Or
leans Man who Owned y Trouble
some Feline.
New Orleans Tim,

New Orleans Times.
He was an old man, with very
solemn exterior, and as he came up and
took his place among the crowd on the
City Hall steps yesterday, he looked as
religious as a deacon during collection
time. Somehow the conversation turned
on cats, and the old fellow launched on
and began 10 tell them about cat he
once possessed.
81 tell you, gentlemen. that cat of mine
was wonder; yes, SIR, she was bigger
curiosity than a whole sdeshow she
was feline, gentlemen, that hooted at
the doctrine of total depravlty, sneered
at religion and virtue, and hadn't a
particle of belief in hereafter or the
survival of tho iittest.' For pure, intel
lgent, higk- minded wckedness she'd
put 10 shame any four-legged animal
that ever clawed fence. She was Ben
Butler, Dennis Kearney and unbottled
blue lightning all rolled into one. | can
tell you stories about that cat that are
mighty hard to believe. I've known
that cat, gentlemen, often TO take screw
driver and unscrew the pantry closet
door in order to get at the family cream;
and / actually caught her one day en-
deavoring, with perseverance worthy
OF the highest commendatlon, to open a
can of preserved meat with my razor
fact-Pd swear it in every courthouse in
the land! Sne didn't let us see bit OF
peace-she'd gouge the children, open
my wife's casket and steal the iewelry,
and fight the dog until his life became a
burden. And, gentlemen, I've watched
her actually sittin' with her eyes kinder
closed for whole hours at a time, plottin'
destruction to me an my household II
the devil ever did get into any living
creature, he got into that cat. ] tried to
kill her till ! grew sick of it-she'd
dodge a bullet slick as you could wink
your eye. | wish had brought along a
door I've got at Eome-its perfect lead
mine-chock full of balls that / shot at
that cat
"Well, gentlemen, instead of reformin'
an preparing for eternity as she grew
older, she became worse and worse.
One morning she dragged off my oldest
boy-pullcd him ont Of bed and carried
him a half mile down the road, and then
literally peeled the clothes off his body
/ went down and secured the remains of
my offspring, and when | returned my
wife met me at the door and swore that
if | didn't dispose OF that animal some
way she'd pack up and return to her
fathers. She being woman of her
word, | went out Immediately to have
another interview with the cat. found
her reclining in the yard at the corner
of the house, with a sort ofa wicked lcer
on her countenance, amusing herself
with some OF the buttons of my poor
child's shirt. When she saw me she
shot her back up ABOUT a half a mile
and growled like Fourth of July can
non. | hauled out my pistol, took a
careful aim and fired at her five times
right straight along, and blame me if
the blasted thing didn't sit there and
laugh at mel But got her at last. That
evening | hung large meal bag to the
side of the house. fastened Ii big chunck
of fresh beet in the bag, and the cat was
there Immediately. Then | rushed up
and grabbed the end of the bag. | tell
you it was pretty warm work holding
the end OF that bag with that animal
kicking up the very old Billy inside, but
| knowed if she got out she'd knock the
whole universe into chaos, and 80 |
grittcd my teeth and kept my grip.
Then | got man to roll half barrel OF
powder out into an old field, put the bag
and tine cat into the barrel, nailed up
the top, bored hole in one side, fastened
one end of slow match TO the hole and
applied a small quantity of fire TO the
other end. There was a slight explo-
sion, and when the fragments of that
barrel played leap frog with each other
in the realms of space-the cat-the cat
concluded that the time had arrived for
her to seek another world! See? Gen
tlemen, | know the portion of liars, and
| hope to suffer that portion if every
word Pve said hain't the solid, rock bot
tom truth"
Slowly the crowd filed away, and when
the last one had departed, smile such
as Raphael might have dreamed of but
never put on canvas, crept gradually
over the old mans face and was finally
lost at the back OF his neck.