Connecticut western news., 1880-06-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

THE skillful watchmakeris is the man for the hour.
 MARRY in haste and the old man will repent at leisure.
 LAY up something for a rainy day, if it is nothing more than the rheumatism. WHAT is that which no man wishes to have and no one wishes to lose. A bald head.
 THE fellow who wrote "It goes with out saying" must have had an unloaded gun in his mind.
 THE man who was hemmed in by crowd has been troubled with stitch in his side ever since.
 SAYS French critic: CT like 8 girl before she gets womanish, and woman before she gets girlish."
 A NEVADA paper promises t0 support the party that will adopt the Ten Com mandments as platform.
 "WATER always seeks its level" and if there is too much whiskyin it, it makes 8 man seek his level, too.
 MOTHS eat up $25, 100000 worth of goods in the country every year, while elephants don't injure us bit.
 A RAT poison is advert rtised that will make rats go away to @ neighbor's house and die. It fills want long felt
 HIRAM GREEN says: If you want cor rect information about any kind of bus mess, ask the individual who has never engaged in it.
 A LITTLE boy, being asked what he supposed was meant by the expression, "Fared sumptuously every day, replied that Che had oysters" SOME one expresses surprise that the very pretty and amiable Mile. M. doesn't marry. "Oh," says the countess de B., "she can find plenty of husbands. The difficulty is to find one"
 REGINALD BOND is the name of an aristocratic Boston banker. He writes his name Reg. Bond "for short" and irreverent persons call him Registered Bond-but not to his face. ELDERLY gentleman to freshman on the train: "You don't have any ticketP" "No; I travel on my good looks." "Then," after looking him over, "prob- ably you aren't goin' very far.
 EVERY other sin hath some pleasure annexed to it, or will admit of some ex- cuse but envy wants both we should strive against it, for, if indulged in it, it will be to us as a foretaste of hell upon earth.
 THE aim of education should be rather to teach us how to think than what to think-rather to improve our minds 50 as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to lead the memory with the thoughts of other men.
 THE shooting gallery men might work up little trade at five cents throw if they would put up stuffed cat on Q practicable garden wall and allow cus- toners to throw bootjacks at the of- lending object.
 ENVY, like the worm, never runs but to the fairest fruit like cunning blood hound, it singles out the fattest deer in the flock. Abraham's riches were the Philistine's envy, and Jacobs blessing bred Esaus hatred.
 HOPE is prodigal youngheir and Ex- perience is his banker, but his drafts are seldom honored, since there is often B heavy balance against him because he draws largely on 0 small capital and is not yet in possession.
 EVERY evil to which we do not suc- cumb is benefactor. As the Sandwich Islander believes that the strength and valor of the enemy he kills passes into himself, sowe gain the strength of the temptation we resist.
 AN EMINENT Boston preacher once said that it was mockery to pray at night for sweet and refreshing sleep, without sec ing to it that the bedroom is well venti- lated. God takes care of those who take care of themselves.
 A STRANGER, passing achurchyard and seeing @ hearse standing hard by, in- quired who was dead. The sexton in- formed him. "What complaint ?" asked the inquisitive one. Said the old man {: "There is no complaint everybody is satisfied"
 ERROR is hardy plant; it fourisheth in every soil in the heart of the wise and good, alike with the wicked and foolish for there is no error so crooked but it hath in it some lines of truth, nor is any poison so deadly that it serveth not some wholesome use.
 As THE happy couple were leaving the church, the husband said to the partner of his welded life: Marriage must seem dreadful thing to you. Why, you are all of a tremble, and one could hardly hear you say, I will.'" CT will have more courage and say it louder the next time," said the blushing bride.
 SAID the mistress of Marseilles cigar shop to young Bohemian journalist "This is the sixth time you have been here without saying word about the money you owe me, monsieur What am to understand by it l" "Ah, ma dame," said the clever journalist, "when one sees you, one forgets everything r
 A MAN passing along road saw countryman standing beneath persim- mon tree, holding in his hands a pole raised aloft with little pig attached to the end, which was feasting upon the persimmons in the tree. He asked: "What are doing thereP" "Sister Sal is goin' ter get married, an I'm fattenin' this pig for the weddin'." LITTLE James had bad cold and was kept in the house. "Haye you been