The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-04-22
"BRxC-a-BRaC.


The undertaken gets his living
where another man dies.
-'I might dynamite not" is the
! constant thought Of the unhappy Car.
Chinese soldiers get three cents a
dav, ana no restrictions as To how they
spend il.
The hen knows the man who robs
her nest. She is always laying for
him.
A gap in the carving knife bctok
ems that spring chicken has been il,
the house.
, Tho Boston Post saws q CATS
mouth is like II free show, opcn'to
waul.
How it must make donkey lauyh
TO see what an insignificant little ear Il
whale can boast.
Tho placidity Of expression worn
by man who is "ucxt" in Il full bar;
;; Der shop cannot be coun,cricitcd.
-Sumday-school tcuchcr--"Annic,
what must we dc to be forwivc..?'
Annic-"Wc must sim"
"A whale. doesn't look so very bio
when you remember some Of the bis
: catorlal achievements Of many All anna
tcur trout catcher.
! Does your mother know YOUR
routc!' asked a rival when the bride
ana groom started out on their we'd
ding tour.
The Rev. Joseph Cook calls Niaga-
ra ga datclcss roar" and the st. Louis
I'01 Dts7'atch adds that he might also
nave called Courtney 4 datclcss rover.
n Ian,
next world," says Il woman's journal.
But how can you play with q pack
having only three suits?
! Why wouldn't Olcmargarine do
fora girls CincinHoI En-
G"t'cr.-if we had Il little girl. and
h;dn't any but her. we would call her
that.-Richmond Infr rrcnticnt.
we have sccn oEe dog enjoy q
bone while other dogs stood around
ana barkcd. We were reminded Of
Tue tact by paying a gas bill. The
electric lights do the barking.
The crematory ut Was'ington.
Pa, has n regular fixed rate OF CHARGES
-Sj5 per adult, reasonable rcduc-
! ton being made TO families or clubs of
ten.
-"1 do love a fool" said ODhiclcidc
with scornful glance at his nciglbor,
"lou conccitcd cgotist," replied Fcg-
horn, with scathing calmncss, and tic
light was over before the police could
get there.
Latte riser: "What does man
get who comes late to breakfast ?"
blddy: Gle gets all he can ate"
Anyone but a quick-wittcd Irish wo-
man would have replied that he ucts
nothing at all
| IL Bismarck insists on his rcsirnn-
tion, the Emperor William knows our
address. Up two flight OF stairs, and
Knock ut the right hand door. Don't
RICK on tho panels.--Humheye.
,-perhaps the sentiment that actual
cd Nevada editor when he wrote OF
a dead orator: "Dca:h has turned off
ms gas" If he had wittcn in sarcasm.
nc would have put ii: "Ihc king cf
tcfrors has stopped his windmill"
They "tell us this is a world of
progress, ahdyct it is just as hard for
GcorSc Franris Train to put his big
toe i'll his mouth as it was for Mark
Antony-BoSton Post. If George
wants toe try il, heel find it consider
able of Il feet Yamcop Struuss.
An old Iniscr, who was notorious
Tor self-dcnial, WAS one day asked why
| nc was so thin. 81 do not know" said
the niscr; "I have tried various means
tor getting thttcr, but without sue
cess" "llavc you tried yictuals?" in
quired friend.
AT an examination for admission
TO the bar the question was asked:
"What is the rule in Shc,lcy's casc?"
! One of the class answered: "Thc rule
III Shcllcy's case is the same as in any,
| other mans case. The law is no re-
! spcctcr of persons"
do you know who am, sir. that
YOU dare talk so to me?" said an iraite
father to an impudcnt young hopeful.
"les, l know who YOU arc" was the
reply, "but Mr.. Brown, who lives
next door, doesn't, for heard him say
only the other day that you were al
The cooks employed by the clubs
OF New York receive large salaries
thhn large ma aioritv Of the New York
editors. But the cooks don't get free
passes to the circuscs and minstrel
shows, and the inside matter' thcv
prepare don't mould public opinion as
it were.
| DR.. Johnson had q habir of eating
very fast, and using his fingers in
place of his fork. One day tic cynic
was dining with q company, when a
young ould-be wit remarked, "Doc-
tor, you remind me Of Ncbucl,adncz-
Zar.' "Ncbuchadnczzar," replied the
doctor, his mouth full of yictuals-
"ah, yes. That's because l am eating
with brutcs."
When Hart, the colored pcdcs-
trian, had accomplished the wonder
iul performance Of BIG miles in three
days Mr.. Wm. II. Vanderbilt. who
happened to be in the Garden at that
time, took Il $500 bill from his pocket
ahd handed it TO Hart. The pc,1cs-
train, utterly surprised. thanked nim
ana then proceeded on his travels.
.-"Whcn was once in danger from
tiger" said an Old East indian vet
cra'i, u tried sitting down and star
ing at him, as had no weapon"
"Ilow did it work 2" asked bystand-
er. "Pcrfcctly; the tiger didn't even
! offer to f0uch mo - 1tSfr,,,.,t -......