The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-01-10
VARIETIES.

NC rrencn law does not recognize
promises to marry.
-"i like your impudencer' as q
pretty girl said when her beau kissed
her.
Whenever the Indians and soldiers
have brush the soldiers are very apt
to furnish the hair.
Rich Cinnamon 60 to Tartary for
their wives, their wealth enabling them
to secure the very cream of Tartary.
The hard fighting in India contin-
ues, but the fighting isn't half so hard
as the names they are fighting about
HGUk-Bge.
Before marriage a girl frequently
calls her intended IS her treasure. bnt
when he becomes her husband, she
looks upon him as her +" treasurer
1T was a delicate piece of sarcasm
In the boarder who sent his landlord a
razor, neatly enclosed in a handsome
silk-lined case, labelled "Butter knife"
-Howk-Eye.
A young man was taken out and
hanged here yesterday for PLAYING a
fiddle under his inamorata's window
LeGdv'Ile Herald. "Hang up the fiddle
and the beaur'
=" How do youlike my boots, lover"
exclaimed a youthful bride. 80, they're
immense" replied the partner of her
JOY; and she had the first matrimonial
fainting away at the result.
If you want to be in fashion begin
your letters abruptly, write with blue
ink. and sign only your last name. The
shorter your letters are when writing
for aloan the more time you will save.
Free Press.
"A Garrard County (Ky.) farmer,
not knowing what mi ht be the result
OF the predicted meteoric shower, en-
ployed a lot of hands and had an i'm
mense amount of water in readiness in
case his house should catch fire.
Ask the average husband 10 run
down cellar for pan of potatoes for
breakfast and his enthusiasm over the
growth of the prosperity of America de-
creases one-half before he reaches the
middle step--Detroit Free Press.
=" Do editors ever get angryp" asks
a lady correspondent. No, never. But
if you happen in about the time when
one puts the paste on the wrong side
OF the clipping you will discover that
they become agitated sometimes.
Did you ever notice the fact-of
course you have-that a tramp who
claims he has a trade, but can get no
work at it, in the winter is brick
maker and in the summer a lumber
man or ice sawyer?-Lockport Union.
When young man has his office
connected with his girls home by tele-
phone, it is mean rival who will cast
suspicion on the lady by stealing into
the young mans office and putting
onion juice on the instrument Boston
Post.
An lrishman was accused of steal
ing handkerchief of fellow traveller,
but the owner, on finding it, apologized
to Pat and said that it was mistake.
" Arrah, my jewell" retorted Pat, " it
was two sided mistake-you took me
for thief and took you for gentle
man."
National debts were of little import
ance until the French revolution. They
now amount to about 1913, 900, 900, 900,
mostly owed by European States for
war incurred by dynasties, and in
which common people had no voice.
These debts and standing armies are
now the cause of poverty.
=" Peter, what are you doing to that
boy?" asked a schooimaster. "He
wanted to know if you take ten from
seventeen how many will remain. l
took ten of his apples to show him, and
now he wants me to give 'em back"
"Well, why don't you do it?" "Cos,
sir, he would forget how many are
left.'
"A Hartford mans excuse for steal
ing pair of chickens was that while
at work he hung his coat near the coop
and on going for it he found the chick
ems roosting on the same. He hadn't
the heart to wake them up he said, so
he wound his coat around them with
out waking them and carried them off.
His defense was ingenious, but he was
sent up for three months all the same.
"A boy caught in the act of stealing
raisins in a shop, was locked up in a
dark closet by the grocer. The boy
commenced begging most pathetically
to be released, and after using all the
persuasion that his young Imagination
could invent, proposed "Sir, if you'll
let me out and send for my daddy, he'll
pay you for the raisins and lick me be-
side!' This appeal was too much for
the grocer.
%, that Monday could be post
poned to the middle of the week. Every
thing goes wrong side up Monday
morning. People get out of bed in a
huff, eat breakfast because they are
obliged to and come down town in fit
of the sulks. The fact is, Sunday just
gives rest enough to make man feel
the need of more and Monday finds
him mad because he can't get tn.
Y World.
"A schoolboy got up to read COM
position on 1.-THE Tree" He got as far
as "This subject has many branches"
when the teacher said "Stop! you have
not made your bough YETI =" If you
interrupt me again. said the boy "FH
leave" "You give me any more of
your impudence and I'll take the sap
out of YOU" said the teacher. 81
twig," said the boy, and then the regu-
lar order of business proceeded.-Bat-
tsnaore Herald.
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