The Osceola times., 1880-10-16
CREAM OF THE MAILS.
Nuggets of Wit and Wisdom from o.-
Exchanges.
IN ME CARE OF pPovInrNc,

When 200 pound man gets into.
hammock re commits himself IN ~
care of Providence and puts the larcoS,
parts of his trust III the head roma
hoping that if anything gives wav !,
will be at the other end.-Neuark SIM.
day Cal.
now DOES 1T DO IT.
At the Wentworth house, Newcastle
n. H., there is dish-washing lnacbin5
which does the work of ten ordinar,
women, and is warranted to break no
dishes.-New York Euening Post. Tbau
how in thunder does it do the work Of
ten ordinary women?
FINE PAINTING.
Speaking of painting things 80 trno
to nature. q Keokuk man painted a
picket fence so naturally that small
boy knocked a picket off from il
crawled through the aperture thus made
and carried of a premium watermelon
-Keokuk Constitution.
REQUESTED TO COME FORWARD.
The gentlemanly caterer at the camn
meeting, who charges you scventv.ive
cents for fifteen cent breakfast, is re-.
quested to start for the "anXious seatn
before he is cut OFF in the midst of his
awful sins. We notice that the ministers
think he is pas. praying for.-New Hdren
Register.
PECK SPEAKS.
Lord Beaconsfeld and Qeen Victoria
are doing their best to persuade the
Baroness Burdett-Co TO shake Bari
lett, the young American whs has
mashed her, and not marry him. II
Mr.. Bartlett cannot beat queen and a
Jack he is not much of an AmericaA.--
MiUdukee sun.
YOUNG MAN READ THIS.
The young man who prides himself
that, at least, he is not rustic, dresses
beyond his income, smokes nice cigars
INDUCES in high-toned fancy drinks will
discover before long that he is color
blind Just now he can see ,Aat he is
infinitely ''greener" than the honest
rustic he affects to despse.-New Hduea
Register.
MR.. sUBURBAN's LOGIC
"Oh, look at that donkey he's been
destroying that hill of corn" exclaimed
Mrs. Sububan, in dismay. "COnfonnd
HIM" said her husband, fingng stick
at the animal, 'hc's a corn-summt assm
The scream tnat Mrs. s. emitted, pre-
vious to going of in a faint, frightened
the beast more than her husbands stick.
Boston Transcript
JONES OBJECT.
Jones is proud of his wife. and with
reason. for Mrs. is pretty rs well as
smart. She was lecturing on iemper-
ance reform, and got naturally worked
ul as she rehearsed the many things
that should be done, but which nobody
seemed ready to do ooh, dearl" she
exclaimed, II wish ! were a man." Il
object" exclaimed Jones, rising from
his seat 1t brought down the house
Boston Transcript.
INSTANT RELIEF.
An exchange gives the following
remedy for earache: Take small
piece of cotton wool, make depression
in the center and fill it with pepper;
gather it into a ball and tie 1t up; dip it
into sweet oil and insert in the ear. In
slant relief will follow" Another
remedy Is to dip Chinese fire-cracker
| in nitric acid, put the cracker in the
ear and explode il. The acid will pre-
pare the ear for the tireworks.-NnC Or
leans P,edgtule.
KNEW WHO WAS THERE.
"Look here, Matilda" >" said Galveston
lady TO the colored cook, you sleep
night close to the Chicken.house, and
you must have heard those thieves
stealing the chickens" "Yes, ma'am,
heerd de chickens boiler. and heered de
voices OBJ de men" "Why didn't you
20 out, them" Case, ma'am (bursting
INTO tears case, ma'am, | knoHed my
ole fadder was ont dar, and ! wouldn't
hab him know lsc los confidence in
him foah all de chickens dats in de
world.
not GOING To DE THE ONLY FOOL.
1t is stated that prominent citizen OF
Galveston was brought home very late
in comatose condition. HIS terrified
wife, thinking it was apoplexy, sent for
the family physician The doctor ex
amined the patient carefully and then
directed that the clergyman pc sent for.
In few minutes the spiritual adviser
was bending over the couch OF the dying
man. Finally the clergyman SAID;
"Why he is drunk! that's what's the
matter. Why am ! sent for here at II
O'Clock at night2'
"Do you suppose" replied the doctor,
that am going to be the only iool on
Galveston lslanC?"
That's the story they tell.
4 BOND OF SYMPATHY.
A man with pTip-sack IN his mana
halted before a Detroit fruit stand ana
priced choice variety OF peacnes'
When told that they were ~ cenls
dozen he whlstlcd to himself, walked
softly around, and finally asked.
"Are YOU Baptist"
Hardly"
Neither am l. | didn't know but
that if we belonged to the same demon,
nation you'd throw off little. 10 you
lean on The Metnodists"
Cant say that do" -
That's my case. | never did take
much stock in the Methodists. l"ehH
cents dozen is an awful price on tlloso
peaches, considering how tight money
; is. expect you are unlver'alis''
: eh?"
"No."
} "Neither am |. Can't you say 10 cen'S
for dozen of thcse?'
Hardy"
"Arnt you an Episcopalian?'
"No, Sir"
; Neither am ], but was AFRAID you
, were. I've been sort o looking 20"
over, and | shouldn't wonder II ~
trained with the United BrethreH'-7''o
now, own up uo
81 never attend that church, was ln'
steady reply. 80,
Nor /, either. Say, what are !O"
anvhoW2n