The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1880-06-24
A Long-Felt Want Supplied.

In these days of labor-saving achieve
ment, invention follows invention in
such quick and continuous succession,
that not only is it difficult to keep pace
with the record, but seemingly the most
startling announcements are received
with as little emotion as would be ex-
cited by the report that another asteroid
had been discovered, or that another
bank cashier had spontaneously depart
ed tor Europe in company with a few
hundred thousand dollars saved from
the depositors.
| But to the year of grace 1880 and the
fortunate town OF Stratford in Connec-
tlcut, belong the honor of presenting
the world with what may be truly called
one of the most important inventions of
the age. This boon TO humanity is
nothing less than breech-loading pipe,
which can be discharged and reloaded
without relighting.
AS with all radical improvements in
mechanics. we presume that this ''pipe
OF peace" as it may well be called, is
the result of sudden inspiration after
tedious years spent in loading and un-
loading, lighting and relighting the
ephemeral and inconstant pipe that
has made life burden to SO many
smokers since first the incense of the
weed gentle was waited toward the blue
dome of heaven. A moments rehec-
ton will suggest to the most trivial
what beneticent invention this un-
known genius has vouchsafed to wait
ing world. Let us think of it little.
Estimating that it requires, say, six
minutes to Till pipe,-and this is un-
der rather than over the time generally
allotted to that service, as we have been
informed by smokers whose reputation
tor veracity has never been questioned,
and that the average smoker fills his
pipe twelve times day, the amount of
valuable time spent in this hitherto
necessary operation is alarming to con-
template. In one day, seventy-two
minutes, or one hour and twelve min
utes. are now given to it. Five hundred
and four minutes of each week. or eight
hours and twenty-four minutes, are re-
quired to replenish the pipe. The time
thus occupied amounts in one year to
26,2Oo minutes, equivalent to eighteen
days, four hours and forty-eight min
utes; in ten years, to 262, 1850 minutes,
or just 1S2. days, or two days over six
calendar months. In fifty years of
smoking, we find that 1,31 l, 400 minutes
have been lost to the smoker in prepar.
ing his pipe for action.
In other words, 91O days, or two
years and six calendar months. have
been actually wasted. In one hundred
years-and a century of smoking is no
uncommon thing, if we may believe the
biographies of the several hundred
coachmen that were left to mourn his
loss when the Father of his country de-
parted hence-the figures are utterly
astounding. Pipe-flling has stolen
from the centenarian's fieeting wears
2,622, 800 minutes! This is equivalent
to 1920 days, or within four days of FIVE
years!
1t will be noticed in the above calcu-
latlon that no account has been taken
OF the time consumed in unloading or
in lighting. Rejecting from our COM
putation those smokers who never un-
load a pipe-thOse whose depraved
taste makes them as content with ashes
as with tobacco-and it is safe to saw
that at least half an hour per diem is
given to unloading, striking an average
OF all smokers, those of tobacco and
those OF ashes, indiscriminately. When
it comes to the matter of lighting the
brain actually reels at the immensity of
the problem set before it for solution.
Always excepting the native of the
Emerald Isle, whose superior attain
ments in pipe lighting are known and
recognized wherever winds blow and
tobacco is smoked, it is safe to say that
every pipeful of tobacco requires on an
average three matches to begin with.
In addition to these, before the pipeful
has become exhausted, it requires, say,
eleven other ligbtings of one match
each. Now the burning of fourteen
to each pipeful would exhaust
at the least seven minutes. Multiply
this by twelve and we have forty-two
minutes, or nearly quarter-hour each
day spent in the profitless task of
scratching matches. But the matter of \
time is not the only question involved.
Estimating the smokers in the United
States at 100000, the twelve pipes
that each smokes per day destroys
l56, ,0OO. 900 matches; in one year, 56,-
$40, 900, 900; in thirty years, 17O, 5000
matches! No wonder our timber lands
are fast becoming exhausted! Well
for us that this priceless invention has
stepped in in time to prevent an utter
denudation of our once forest-covered
land!
We are not informed as to the details
of this breech-loading pipe; but the
mere fact that it has been invented
gives such transcendent Joy that we
have no room for curiosity as to how
the sunanaun, bonum is brought about.
Sufficient unto the day is the glory
thereof.-Boston Transcript.
If we are to credit the New Orleans
Times matrimony is "played out" in
that city. A fashionable young lady
who has been interviewed on the sub
ject says that the men who are not mar
ried are spoiled beyond all hope of re-
demption, while many of those who are
married are SO angry with themselves
for having gone and done it that they
keep away from their homes as much
as possible. AS time goes on and q
period arrives when II MIGHT he s,,n.