Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1880-11-27
FECETEE.
~ Laeonsidered tribes.

4 boil in the kettle is worth TWO on your
nose.
Even the chestnu. worm viii turn when
roasted.
Usually the coarser bass voice is The
finer 10 Is.
"Iam strapped" as the skate viii soon
be rcaarking.
\ man completely wrapped up in himself
has no use for an ulster.
The man who makes ligh; Of everything
Is not necessarily vcry brilliant himself
4 sick man Is considered on. of danger
when the doctor disc0nunues his visits.
Army reunions are managed 50 that private
soldiers shall not be made public.
Nature should mend her ways. English
tourists think American aUtumnaI un,s
entirely too loud.
ANY vendor of cabbage may congratulate
himself upon having arrived at the dignity
Of head salesman.
\ determination TO be sociable is m APP
preparation for the Improvement OF the
river Of life.
4 man viii turn quicker than worm If
YOU tread on hi, corn, and woman Nlll turn
quicker than both IL YOU tread on her trail.
The bee can deliver q singing rerort and
vet keep its mouth shut. This is where 1t
has the advantage Of the campaign orator.
Il believe in bananas in the abstract, but
not In the concrete said the Old gentleman
~ he painfully arose from the asphalt walk.
The ignorance displayed by our butchers
il simply astounding. Not one IN score OF
them knows when bird ceases 20 be g chick
en- and becomes a hen.
Give me the hand that VIII never deceive
me-" sings the poet. He wants the cards
stocked 50 as 70 bring the four aces into his
fist
"Never borrow trouble" said q husband
10 his wife. Oh, let her borrow IL it She
can" exclaimed the next door ueighbor,
she never returns anything YOU know.
Finding himself unable to express his
sentiments. the pent-up orator forwarded
them bv maii.-N9r'tera Exchange. Ia jail
for stuhng ballot-boxes, we suppose.
Nnd now Lady Goliya is said % b. a
INVITA- hare ialsehood, as it WERE
change We always supposed she was a.
naked fact.
An exchange characterize campaisu
story rs a "politicGl cunlrd.' Where i>
Mrs. Darlington? This writer would e.
steamer highly.
Venice is the richest city in I.a.y-i, IS
almost free from debt And VIA I'LL tl'-
canals. tool The Venetian aldermen al-
State legislators are teJriuily behind .Ee a-c
\ New YORK merchant exp .ts TO ge, 81
horse thIth been oe, % him on .Ae e.-rtlo1.
Ii he does, the transaction U.l be won
horse affair after all.
If Mr. Philip, Of the NV York T~ti +
the great North American Pen-ar- $50 ne IS
represented o. be. We should tlilE lc ourn.
10 know how TO spell his own name.
There was q young rustic named Mallory
vhO drew but a very small salary. Whea
he went to q show his purse made him 60 Co
q seat in the uqpcrmo,t gallery.
A man living i'm the country finds light
ning-rols on lis house % De a great pr9'ce
ton. Taey keep ii-h-ningrJj peld.er' .Iou
calling and ch,nIi1g the head of the hoast
VIVA, a relief it Is u turn from the Yoli-
5ical editorials in exchange, o. the C1.m
dignihed statement, % be found in the local
notices OF patent medicine advertisements.
An Insignificant LITTLE barrel hoop lyiua
upon theside walk has been known to yaus
man right OUT OF the church aud hur hiu
into the ranks OF 5acksliders.
4 man at Bingham;oa, y. Y, wanted q.
have some fun with an Oh lady by pllyia-
ghost. The only mistake De made was ia
not finding our beforehand thu, she kep-
shotgun in the house.
An American lawyer Is now at.orae,
general of the Sandwich Islands. IL In tw.
wears he doesn't own the entire country an,
hold the kings note fora large sum he is n.
credit % the American bar.
Kings / have Met" Is the title Of Nr
Archibald Forbes lecture Some dav Nr
Forbes viii come across three kings and
pair of sevens Then dee viii learn some
thing about the resources of this country.
Somebody make, the remark that themes
@isagreeable month % q soldier is a long
March IL May be, but when a soliiet ha.
been October by bullet once or twice b,
changes his mind.
A deacon called az the quarters of a man
who was training tor prize fight, and sce-
inr him diuag on plain chop with un-
blttcred bread asked Why does be live s.,
poorly oh, said the trainer, "he Is
very closc-f,ted man."
A man may be ont Of his elephant
exclaimed Mrs Ni-sollot "and yet ran
neuralgia excessively" And the good odd
lady beamed ON Matte with a smile thai
was bright enough to eclipse the newly.
secured unware.
Many forms Of sick excuses have beea
handed 70 the faculty, bur a recent on.
completely para.yzed him: Prof X g.
Please excuse my absence from colleC,
duties last Monday and Tuesday / was
confined % ny room by scasickncss.'
When Mr Maginnis's attention was called
% the molten lava flowing from the crater
of Mt. Vesuvius on his first and only visit
20 the land Of hand organs. he very natural
Is asked how the poor crater came O.
overload It's shtomach 50 dridiully.'
You have always had the reputation Of
being an honest man. how does 10 happen
that YOU have been guilty Of thett?' Its
E.r.1t 90 fh. orrt. IN which NO live Ihf