The Osceola times., 1880-08-14
WAYS OF THE WORLD.


son.
THE race is not always for the swift
The cussedness and cunning of the spl-
der enables it to get away with the fly.
The American rifiemen of to-day can
hit blue-bird where the famous Boone
and Crockett would have missed crow.
IT is the hardest thing in the world to
find man TO run for office in Turkey.
The Government has nothing left TO
steal.
SPOTTED silk gloves are now fashiona-
BILE. Ifspotted kids ever become stylish
the dealers will reap harvest on old
stocks.
THE Russian Grand Duke Alexis was
at Glasgow, Scotland, TO witness the
launch Of the Cars new steam yacht,
Livadia.
An English editor says: "The aphor.
istic is the most difficult of all styles of
composition. for it allows no room for
mediocrity."
MoDJEsKA announces that she will
visit the United States this year, not
withstanding tie fact that the onion
crop was never larger.
The French believe it is safer to travel
Just after bad disaster, but the Yankee
would take the train just before one and
have no trouble.
THE census men in Peoria missed one
entire street because 1t was dusty, and
the Peoria people are making 1t damp
for the census men.
DISTRICT ATTORNEY WooDFoRD, of New
York, has determined to protect the ex-
cursion-going public, and has filed libels
against nine steamers.
THERE will be no perfect safety on the
water until steamboats, are made fire
proof also with compartments and sense
enough not to run into each other.
The man who peddles lightning rods
throughout the country was never
struck by lightning. And this shows
that the lightning rods are fraud.
SARA BERNuARDT says that any woman
is q fool who tries to live on less than
$4,000 per year. She probably means
any woman of her reputation, and she is
quite correct.
The World, in answer to an inquisitve
lady correspondent, defines "stag par
ties" as Entertainments whereat bucks
usually get enough additional horns to
make them stagger."
LYDIA THOMPSON says that the costume
worn by an English lady at ball
would produce hiss if worn on the
variety stage. But then English ladies
don't kick up their heels.
A VISITOR enters French newspaper
Office, and is greeted politely by the Of
A<a hDx,. NTt mo e.. E..Lt
duel he will have to be kind enough to
call again; all our editors are already en-
gagged for to-day"
A MICHIGAN farmer heard that music
would prevent bees from singing, and he
took his accordeon and went out and
sat down by a hive. Only forty-four
bees had got show at him when he
jumped into lake.
EMPKRoR WILLIAM while at Ems usu.
ally spends the evening at the theater,
where he sits among the audience and
delights in commedies and farces, his
laughter being SO hearty as TO be treat
to the whole house.
YOUNG ladies who desire to send their
Saratoga trunks by mail to watering
places during the coming summer should
notify the Postmaster-General at once.
They must not be over seven feet long
by thirteen feet high.
THE English learn that if we are to
"whi,J creation" it must be on our agri-
cultural and not on our mechanical ad-
vantages, because of the 50,000,000
Americans the majority are breeders OF
cattle and growers of grain.
classes of England attach as little value
to the dogmas of Christianity as the up.
per classes do to the practice of that re-
ligion." If this be true Great Britain il
a first-class missionary field.
A LAWYER once rushed up to Jerrold
in the street and said, with flushed
face: "Mr. Jerrold, Ive just met :
sceundrelly barrister." Jerrold looked
at him with bland smile and simpl,
answered: "What coincidencew
A SOLDIER was sentenced for desertinp
to have his ear cut off. After undergo
ing the ordeal, he was escorted out O.
the court yard to the tune of 9Th,
Rogue's March, He then turned, ant
in dignity thus addressed the musicians
Gentlemen, ! thank you, but have N,
ear for music"
A WESTERN paper charges Ann Elizs
Young with affection for gay colors. In
letter column long she shows thai
the charge is totally false; that in fact
she is SO opposed to anything calculated
to attract attention that she would get
along without anything at all if sh,
could do so with the slightest propriety
THERE had been heavy thunde,
storm, and the parched earth and wilted
vegetation drank in the refreshing
showers. II should think the plants
would whisper to each other how deli.
cious it was" he exclaimed, enthusiast.
cally. "Yes," she said, cali but the on.
ions; they wouldn't be likely 10 whisper
with such BREATH"
Two years ago the actor John Brouc.
ham, then nearly seventy years of age
was given one or two theatrical benefits
which netted $4,000. The committee
having it in charge invested it in an an.
nuity with the New York Life Insurance
Company. This yielded $2S week
during the two years that Broughan
lived. His death left, with the accrued
interest, a balance of $l2 800 in the cof.
fers Of the company, which makes q
very excellent speculation for them, al
though Brougham's funeral expense.
were defrayed by charity. Some of his
heirs now propose bringinga suit against
the committee for the money which
they invested in the annuity.
Some Curious OLD Documents.
Portland (Me.) Press.
Among the scores of curious things