The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-04-15
WIT AND WISDOM,

Where there's will there's a
won't.
"A coal-black charger-A negro en-
try-clerk.
"A quarrelsome woman is always
ready to come to the scratch.
An inquisitive correspondent is in
formed that cremation is q recently
ADOPTED method of firing people out Of
this world.-Ol city Derrick.
Play spades if you would win pota-
toes; play clubs if you would deal with
a r,fian; play hearts if you would win
friendship; play diamonds if you would
win woman.-M o. R;cayusae.
The latest puzzle is this:
Az, Railk is 70 get the eggs f inside the
man without breaking the shells.--De-
troit Free Press.
"A New Yorker put on his dog a
81 700 collar with the owners name
and address set in diamonds, and vet
that dog got lost and wasn't returned,
while neighbours dog, which wore no
collar, never was missing.
-"Georgie," said fond mamma to
her little son, as they were walking on
the beach, "see what lot of nice lit
tie stones" EYES," grumbled George,
as he cast a searching glance around,
land not a living thing to throw 'em
atr
The Emperor of China has seventy
wives. A tempest in his family teapot
would break China.-M o. Rcovu1se.
His wives being chosen by lot, he would
have another drawing that's all. =
Richmond Baton.
An Indiana reporter tells of man
who was shot between the fifty-first and
fifty-second rib. The accurate New
Haven Register says: IF a man had
been shot that low down in these parts
it would have knocked his knee-pan all
askew."
Temperance advocates claim that
there is nothing healthier than pure
cold water, and yet it has generally
been noticed that editors and other
total abstainers are not half as healthy,
rosy and cheerful as the man who
drives a beer wagon. - Philadelphia
Chronicle.
In the honeymoon. Slightly en-
mayed husband: " Yes, of course l love
you. l adore you as much as ever, but
If a fellow is obliged to repeat that
assurance every five minutes he would
be reduced to idiocy at the end of the
month"; Sarcastic bride: Especially
If he began the month by being one!''
The american Naturalist tells a
funny story about an owl that actually
wrung its own neck until death ensued,
by keeping its eyes fastened on man
who walked around and around the
bird to try the experiment. This beats
anything ever told about one woman
looking at the new bonnet of another
woman while passing on the street.
N. o. Rcayune.
a somewhat dignified resident of
Virginia City entered q barber-shop,
which was full of men, and the boss
barber greeted him with: IS Hullo, Char
ley" II always like to come in here, :"
said the dignified resident, blandly;
''there's only one person in the city
who calls me Charley besides yourself,
and that's my wife. If you'd only cali
me dear Charley now, it would make
me feel even more at home. / don't
happen to know your first name, my
friend, but it's real kind of you to call
me by mine" The barber said no
more.
The other Sunday the Sabbath
schools had lesson which involved an
explanation of the term hypocrite. In
one of the infant schools teacher la
bored very earnestly to give her class
correct idea of the word. One little
girl said she always thought it was q
great big animal, and she guessed she
had seen one at show. "Oh," the
teacher said, "a hypocrite is man who
makes believe to be real good when he
isn't. Sometimes a man will give lot
of money to q church just to make pe0-
pie think he is better than anybody
else.' "Well, my papa amt q hypo-
critic" spoke up little girl back in the
corner OF the seat, flor he only gives q
penny every Sunday"
Nrv,1xlSa - ;1v<~I .v,o<n.,> ,.o,v, : $1,000