Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-06-18
e Al n

hotel beats,'' said a clerk in a hotel in
Cleveland, Ohio, the other evening. Il
heard one OF tie toughest cases which
happened short time ago. t got tie first
story from the proprietor Of prominent
restaurant, to whom the fellow told the
history OF the affair before he skipped out
of town. He said that one evening this
fellow came in and sat down to table,
giving his orders with the air Of fnlliou
aire. he was nicely dressed and wore a
long, handsome ulster. After lie had
finished his supper he started out, seeming
to forget that he haunt pad. The Pr
prietof stopped him with d reminder ct
= the fact. when it was found that tie fell
low was a beat, and hadn t a cent of mon
ey.
The restauratenr Was angry, and Was
about to administer dose Of leather meath
the tails of the elegant ulster when the
fellow begged off, and said he would leave
his pantaloons with the proprietor as St
curity till morning. The gentleman, i'll
order to test him consented, and the fellow
went behind the screen and Invested HIM
self of the aforemen iontd garment, hay
ing only the light covering of his under
clothing. With his ulster buttoned close
around him, he still had the appearance Of
a finely dressed gentleman with his pan
falcons stuffed in his boot to- He lost
his breeches and went out.
Entering certain prominent hotel he
walked to the register. entered his name,
and demanded to be shown to his room,
and instructed the clerk to have him called
at So'clock in the morning. all OF which.
was complied with; but when the b t,
called him at o'clock the air about tha9
room was blue with profanity and the fei-
low ordered the boy to send the Landlord
ND Immediately. The landlord, thnkin:
something terrible had happened, imme-
diately repaired to the room and found his
guest apparently in terrible rage. H.
wanted to know what kind Of a house they
kept.
: :sJust look here,' said he, Hmy panIa-
looms, containing my pocket book and
watch, are gone, and some one connected
with this house took them, for they must
have crawled in over the transom. tell
you I'll give this place away to every man
on the road.'' The landlord was consid-
erably chagrined about the matter, and
sent for pair OF. pantaloons, and as the
rest of the clothes were very elegant, an
elegant pair was purchased. The fellow
was then taken to breakfast, and shown
the best attention the house could afford.
After breakfast the landlord gave him
twenty dollars, as he had to leave imme
diately, and promised TO leave no stone
unturned until the thief was discovered.
The cute young gentleman went to the res
taurant, redeemed his trowsers, tod the
story, and skipped the town about nineteen
dollars and fifty cents ahead.
A SCENE IN CnURCH.-M Colamore
is very deaf. Last Sunday III the midst Of
the services Mr.. Hoff, who sits imnledl-
ately behind Mr.. Colfamore saw a spider
travelling over the latter BALD head His
first impulse was to nudge him and tell
him about it, but he remembered that Mr.
Collamore was deaf, SO he lifted up bis
hand and brushed the spider off. Hoff
didn't aim quite high enough, and conse-
auently, in his nervousness, he hit Cola
more quite a severe blow. The Old gen
tleman turned around in rage to see who
had dared to take such liberty with him,
and Hoff began to explain with gestur es
the cause Of the occurrence. But Cola
more, in a loud voice, demanded what he
meant. It was painful to Hoff. The eyes
of the whole congregation were upon him.
and he grew red in the face, and in des-
peration exclaimed: There was a spider
on YOUR bead'' "a white place on my
head. hey? Sposen there is, what's that
to YOU ?'' said Collamore. you'll know
what it is to be bald headed yourself some
day.'' cit was SPIDER" shrieked Hoff,
while the congregation smiled, and thu
perspiration began to roll off his face
ssCertainly it's WIDER said Collamore,
ssand got more in it than yours. But you
let it alone in church.. y s'Mr. COllamore.
shrieked Hoff, there was bug on your
head, and | brushed it off-thiS way" and
Hoff made another gesture at Ccllamore's
head. The old man thought he was going
to fight him then and there, and hurting
his hymn-book at Hoff he seized the kneel-
ing stool on the floor Of the pew, and was
about to bang MI. Hoff when the sexton
interfered. An explanation was written
on the fiy-leaf Of the hymn-book, where
upon Mr.. Collamore apologized in boist-
erous voice, and resumed his seat. Then
the services proceeded. They think OF
asking Mr.. Collamore to worship else
where.
A subscriber wants to know show to
prevent wrinkles The only sure remedy
is to commit suicide before you are thirty
years old. when mentioning this rene
dy to your friends, add that you saw 1t III
this paper.)
.sWake up. my son, wake up! Don't be
sluggard. Remember it is the early bird
that catches the worm.'' Sleeping off
spring. Don't want no worms I've had
en-"
The civilized Indians of the Cherokee
nation are organizing brass band. so
there will be no further use for the quota
zion ..Lo, the poor Indian whose I'M
toot-ored mind-.'
I don't mean to reflect on you, y said one
man to another. mo" was the reply,
ssyou re not polished enough to reflect up
on anybody. y
"a splendid croquet ground IN the rear"