Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-22
rFrom the Burlington Hawkeye.l THE CHURCH ROAD.
BURDETrE's INTERVIEW WITH THE RAILROAD
 BRAKEMAN.

On the road once more, with Lebanon fad in away in the distance, the fat passenger drumming idly on the window pane, the cross passenger sound asleep, and the tall passenger reading General Grants Tour Around the World," and wondering why Greens August Flower should be printed above the doors of "A Buddhist Temple at Benares." To me comes the brakeman, aud seating himself on the arm of the seat says:
 'I went to church yesterday"
 ''Yes ?' said, with that interested inf1ec- tion that asks for more. "And what church did yon attend ?"
 (Which do you guess?" he asked.
 ''Some union mission church" l hazard ed.
 ssNaw," he said, 'I don't like to run ou these branch roads very much. don't often go to church, and when 1 do, want to run on the main line, where your run is regular and you go on schedule time, and don't have to wait on connections don't like to run on branch. Good enough, but I don't like it."
 "Episcopal ?" guessed.
 "Limited express" inc said, ''all palace cars and two dollars extra for a seat; fast time and only stop at the big stations. Nice line, but too exhaustive for brakeman. All train men in uniform, conductors punch and lantern silver-plated, and no train boys allow ed. Then the passengers are allowed to talk back at the conductor, and it makes them too free and easy. No, 1 couldn't stand the pal ace cars. Rich road, though. Don't often hear of receiver being appointed for that line. Some mighty nice people travel it, too."
 "Universalist ?" suggested.
 "Broad guage," said the brakeman; "does too much complimentary business. Every ho1 1xy HOopnI get a fare once in fifty miles. Stops at all flag stations, and won't run into anything, but a union depot No smoking car on the train Train orders are rather vague though, and the train men don't get along we'll with the passengers. Besides as they have no fire and only sprinkling of water in their engines, they can't move except on a down grade. No, I didn't go to the Universalist, though know some awfully good men who run on that road.
 "Presbyterian ?" I asked.
 'Narrow gauge, eh ?" said the brakeman, 'pretty track, straight as a rule; tunnel right through mountain rather than go around It; spirit level grade; passengers have to show their tickets before they get on the train. Mighty strict road, but the cars are little narrow; have to sit one in seat and no room in the aisle to dance. Then there's no stop over tickets allowed got to go straight through to the station your ticketed for, or you can't get on at all. When the cars full. no extra coaches; cars built at the shops to hold just SO many and nobody else allowed on. But you don't often hear of an accident on that road. It's run right up to the rules"
 ''Maybe you joined the Free Thinkers2" I said.
 ''Scrub roaG," said the brakeman, "dirt road-bed and no ballast; no time card and no train dispatched All trains run wild and every engineer makes his own time just as he pleases. Smoke if you. want too, kind ot go-as- you'll please road. Too many side tracks, and every switch wide open all the time, with the switchman sound asleep and the target lamp dead out. Get on as you please and get off when you want to. Don't have to show your tickets, and the conductor isn't ex- pected to do anything but amuse the passen- gers Nc, sir l was offered a pass, but don't like the line. don't like to travel on road that has no terminus. Do you know, sir, I asked division superintendent where that road run to, and he said he hoped to die if he knew. 1 asked him if the general superlntend- cnt could tell me, and he said he didn't be- lieve they had a general superintendent, and II they had, he, didn't know anything more about the road than the passengers. l asked him who he reported to, and he said nobody. I asked a conductor who he got his orders from, and he said he didn't take orders from any living man or dead ghost. And when asked the engineer who he got his orders from he said he'd like to see anybody give him orders, he'd run that train to suit himself or he'd run itinto the ditch. Now, you see, sir, Pm railroad man, and don't care to run on a road that has no time, makes no connections, runs nowhere, and has no su-. perintendent- It may be all right, but I've lal fnn tn rnHn md
 "Did you try the MethodistY" sad.
 'Now you're shouting" he said, with some enthusiasm. "Nice road, eh Fast time and plenty of passengers. Engines carry power of steam, and don't you forgetit; steam gauge shows a hundred and enough all the time Lively road when the conductor shouts ''all aboard" you can hear him to the next station. Every train lamp shines like headlight. Stop-over checks given on all through tickets passenger can drop oil the train as often as he likes, do the station two or three days and hop on the next revival train that comes laundering along. Good, whole -souled, companionable conductors; ain't road in the country where the paSsen- gers feel more at home. No passes; every passenger pays full traffic rates for his ticket Wesleyanhouse air break on all trains, too; pretty safe road, but l didn't ride over it yes terday."
 "May be you went to the Congregational Church ?" l said
 Popular road,," said the brakeman. ''an old road, too one of the very oldest in the country Good road-bed and comfortable cars. Well named road, too directors don't interfere with division superintendents and train orders. Roads mighty popular, but it's pretty independent, too. See, didn't one of the division superintendents down East dis continue one of the oldest stations on this line two or three days ago? But it is a mighty pleasant road to travel on. Always has such splendid class of passengers"
 "Perhaps you tried the Baptist?" l guess ed once more.
 ''Ah, ah," said the brakeman, "she's daisy isn't she? River road; beautiful curves; sweep around anything to keep close to the river; but it's all steel rail and rock ballast, single track all the way and not a side track from the round house to the terminus. 1ak- es heaps of water to run it through double tanks at every station, andthere isn't an engine Tn the shops that can pull pound 0r run a mile with less than two gauges But 1t runs through lovely country these river roads always do; river on one side and hills on the other, and it's a steady climb up the grade all the way till the run ends whefe the fountain head of the river begins Yes sir. I'll take the river road every time for lovely trip, sure connections and good time, and no prairie dust blowing in at the windows. And yester- day, when the conductor came around for the tickets with a little basket punch didn't ask him to pass me, but paid my fare like little man-twenty-1 cents for an hours run and a little concert by the passengers thrown in. tell you, Pilgrim, you take the river road when you want" .r4tv ruI s3 .l a.J r-.'.
 But just here the long whistle from the en- zine announced 8 station, and the brakeman hurried to the door shouting:
 s'Zionsville! This train makes no stops between here and Indianapolis!" .7..r . ~.
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