The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-12-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

This is high-handed outrage as
the boy remarked when he found that
his mother had put the cookies on the
upper shelf.
The boy who hasn't gone through
both heads Of his Christmas drum by
this time has at least set his old grand
mother crazy and driven away the
cook.
''B it possible. miss, that you do not
know the names of some of your
best friends?" Possible Why,
Of course, it is. do not even know
what my name may be year or so
hence"
young lawyer in Arkansas, having
. case decided against him by the
court, said, "Well, now, I'll just take
this case before another judge, and let
him make q guess what the law is,
too"
A strolling theatrical company was
at the inner table. A waiter approach
ed one of the members, and said,
''Soupa' mo, SIR" replied the guest,
81 am one of the musicians"
A very disagreeable old gentleman
dies. A nephew, charged with the du-
ty of preparing his epitaph, suggests !:
deeply regretted by all who never
knew him.
Rev. DR. Hall said every blade of
grass was q sermon. The next day he
was amusing himself by clipping his
lawn, when parishioner said: That's
right, doctor. Cut your sermons
Short
An English girl wants to know how
long girls should be courted?-Ex.
Our opinion may not be worth much in
such matters, but we think long girl
should be courted in the same manner
as short girls are courted-with operas,
carriage rides, confections, sitting up
nights, and so forth.
A little Oil City girl observed her
mother measuring cloth by holding it
ND to her nose with one hand and
reaching out an arms length with the
other. She assumed thoughtful as
pect, and, after cOgitating a few mo-
ments, asked, ..How can you measure
cloth that way? Can you smell
yardP''
1t was his first appearance at church.
and in order that he might sit perfect
ly still and keep his little chatter be-
tween his teeth, he was told that big
dog would bite him if he didn't keep
THAI quiet, The little fellow cast sew
eral glances up and down the aisle,
and at last, just in the most interesting
part of the minister's prayer, startled
the congregation by piping up, MA
ma, where is the dOg?'
= When an Eastern man goes to Colo
RADIO he is called a ''tenderfoot' until
he has besnHtabbed, shot at, engaged
in free fight, fallen down a mine,
kicked by q mule. and chased by Wig
lance committee. Then they admit
he Is getting used to the country, and
when he kills his man he is looked upon
as q citizen. .a1
s.Sss the moon," said q lady to her
nephew, bright little boy of five, as
thsy sat looking out of the window the
other day. "Ths moon p said the I
little man .'you can't see the moon in
the dsytims." "Yes you can," con-
trees" The little fellow had to ad-
NIT that hs saw it, but added: .cTaint
lighted, anyway"
front with this AT the breakfast Ia
bls the other morning Spikes fired that
ancient ioke at the landlady about the
propriety of forwarding specimen of
her hash to the Navy Department with
the Recommendation that it was the
best thing known to repel boarders.-
But this 1andlady quietly retorted: Il
should advise Mr.. Spikes to take the
article himself, as have no doubt the
deportment could utilize him to good
advantage. For instance, if their can
non become burned out, Mr.. Spikes
can be used with the best results-for
sny one of his acquaintances will
cheerfully testify that he is first-class
bore r. Spikes confesses the old lady
is ahead of him.