The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-09-04
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A troublesome meta hornet.
A sheet anchor-a clothes pin.
Old maids laughter-IIe! he! he!
Thieves work on abstract principles.
bang-up afiair-A railroad collision.
Lawn order-Keep Off the grass.
Board Of trade--A store counter.
Motto Of the race track--'lime is money.
Making political capita--Assessing the Office
holders.
The wind always finds something to blow
about
Grant was once Tanner, hut he never lived
forty days on water. Not BY ajugful.
young lady resembles ammunition because
the powder is needed before the ball.
Chicago girls meyer find it hard to elope, they
make ropeladders Of their shoestrings
A tern paper tells OF boy who "peered ia.
tall 20 the muzzle Of a shotgun"
ie," says the Philadelphia Chronicle, "makcs
ma good right arm go to waist"
Brooklyn pastor prayed for the absent men,
beers who were PROSTATE on beds of sickness and
chairs Of wellness."
The girls dirt more during the hot weather.
and SO also do the cows tails Philddelphid
Chronicle HraM.
A comical feature of the late Chicago conclave
was the display Of the word "Welcomc" on po
lice station.
Thousands of boys would go dirty all summer
if ii were not wicked and dangerous to battle IN
the river.
The man vino fired off charge Of dynamite to
cure his domestic troubles, is now at peace; that
is to say in pieces.
The barber who overheard his son speak dis
respectfully Of the profession took him into the
back paror and lathered him.
III winter night fair Isabel;
III spring upon my knees and tell
NO girl is hand summer than she,
And that she autumn marry me.
A new novel is called Confessions of a Frivo.
lous Girl" 1t is believed 10 be an autobiography
of Susan B. Anthony
The Boston Globe says that promising young
horse in South Boston has been named Dr. Tan
ner in hopes that 1t will make him fast.
Chicago has had sixty brass bands playing
there at one time, but st. Louis folks have been
suffering from hog cholera, the cities are even
-BostoH Post.
The following unique couplet appears in the
obituary column Of Philadelphia newspaper:
Our American baby with wings did fly
To meet his Savior in the sky.
Chicago ha. another point Of vantage over St.
Louis She is nearer to Canada, and therefore
Is much preferred by bankers as a residence e.
Boston Post.
The census OF Rhode Island is completed. and
some Of the enterprising papers Of that state
print the names Of all the inhabitants in full de-
voting nearly column to it,
At Keokuk picnic dead snake was laid across
sleeping mans neck for fun. The fright was
all that could have been expected for he Law half
day in commissions.
Mrs. Hutchinson threatened, at Sligo. Ohio. 10
do something that would make Oscar feel ripbt
bad" Oscar was her husband, and they had
quarrelIed. That night she eloped with negro
neighbor.
1t was terribly confusing TO the small Chicago
boy, during the Knights Templars conclave. 20
see sixty brass bands going in different drec.
tons and have TO decide instantly which one 10
follow.
Now Il Is Yankee, Mr.. Samuel Bromley q,
Mystic River, in the State Of Connecticut who
announces his ability to live for ten hours with
his nose and mouth Theoretically sealed Where
is this thing to stops
Professor Huxley calls Il - coroliinoral dieo
tyledouous sxoeen, Win nonopsts'ous eorolls