The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1880-02-12
VARIETIES.

q saw is in tense. Boston Transcript.
g-H wishes were fishes what a whal.
ing time we would have. Mo Gregor
NesCs.
ga movement in woor'-A :" col
ored brother" scratching his head
PUCK.
Smith is Governor of Maine. We
knew that man would come to some
thing some day.-Rlck. -.. .
The serpent bracelet is the latest.
1t is q kind of beau-a constructor
Commercial Advertiser. ..
Mo kissing by telephone for US. We
prefer to take the electricity direct from
the Whitehall Times.
1t makes q boy mad to observe that
many people who write books are so
ignorant they spell humble bee with an
h.-HaDk-Eye. -,.t-..r m D. -
There Is another scion of royalty
getting himself ready for. the pistol Of
the assassin. The second son OF Queen
Victoria plays the fiddle.-Hos0k- Bye.
-Gerty Hosmer, a fifteen-years-old
girl of Leadville, secretly got married
to two fellows, and then killed herself
with poison because her parents criti-
cised her. --=..
"A man stabbed another with a
scissors yesterday in Brooklyn. 1t is
always dangerous to interrupt a person
who is writing editorials. Buffalo
Courier.
There" said q charming lady,
with q naive expression, that made her
face radiant, pointing to an ebony case
of chinAware, " that is my brick-bGt
cabinet."
Tho present Governor of Colorado
was once respectable carpenter.-NesC
Orleane Rcayitne. That's right-kick
q man when he is down.-Lotsisuille
C0Hrier-Jour,sal.
"A witness in court was asked If q
party to q suit was q truthful man.
"No," he answered, he'd rather lie
at sixty days than tell the truth for
cash."-Kin0sto,' Freeman -
"A bright little five-years-old miss
was taken to the barn to see some
sheep, and, after looking at them for a
moment, she exclaimed: 80! Auntie,
see! The sheep all wear their hair
banged"
The consumption of writing paper
in the United States is one and three
quarter tons per day for I, 900, 900 in
habitants, which would make the ag-
gregate daily consumption about
eighty-six tons.
Said q parent to his little son who
had committed some act of indiscretion,
"Do you know that am going to whip
you?" "Yes," said the boy, :" sup
pose you are, because you are bigger
than am"
The question is continually being
asked. "What shall we do with our
boys?" The people know what to do
to be that the boys won't let them do it.
-Danielsonville Sentinel.
"A Maine man who didn't care two
shakes of lambs tail about the news
papers rode fourteen miles through a
fierce snowstorm to get a copy of q
weekly that spoke of him as "promi-
nent citizen. ."-Boston Post.
- Kind words can never die" How
bitterly does q man realize that terrible
truth when he sees all the kindest words
he ever saw in his life glaring at him
from his published letters in breach
of promise suit.-HaUk-Eye. 49,
Says the New Haven Register: :. A
woman with q red petticoat was mis-
taken for q danger signal by the en-
gineer Of railroad train; but hold,
perhaps he wasn't mistaken after all. -
No, it might have been his wife, .-Oil
Oty Derrick. rss AFh =
OF 4, 4,43Omiles of new railroad built
last year no-le than s, 187 miles
more than the total completed in the
country In 1878-was west of the Mis-
sissippi. Only one State (Ohio) east
of the Mississippi built as much as 200
miles of road. sei--
The Cbngregdtiossdlist tells of Q
washerwoman who, being commended
by her pastor for her regular attend.
ance, and close attention at church,
said: Eyes, after my hard weeks work
is done I git so rested to come to church
and sit and think about nothin'."
"A Detroit damsel was offered
sixty dollars If she would wear an apron
made of bed-ticking when she stood up
to be married, and she went right of
and selected . husband and won the
money. The young man that won tina,
girl. is going to be rich.-Etnira Free
Press.
INA, does pa kiss you because he
loves you soP'' inquired little boy ol
his mother. "To be sure my son; but
why do you ask that question:" " Well
I guess he loves the kitchen girl, too
for I seen him kiss her mere'n forty
times, last Sunday. wien you were r
church.p - %szss-- s
Papa" said he, as he was showr
some pictures in book Santa Claus
had left him, t.paPa, why does camel.
have such big lunches on their backsp'
very satisfactory, he at length SOLVED
papa said he, .sit's SOS they'll bt
camels." Which must be the reason
-EgnsSro advertiser.
AN unsuitable present for q rict
man: . razor, because then he il
tempted to get rid of his heirs. Avail
liable present for an unmarried carpen
ter: q saw, because with it he can re
duce his board. A nice gift for lamp
lighter: ladder, because he is there
by enabled to enjoy different climes
A suitable present for . married car
penter: . rule. for with it he can ap
preciste his wife's sighs.
The Fat Contributor recalls thi
jeke of the late Artemus Ward: H,
was in Louisville Just at the close of tn
war, and one day at the Louisvill,
hotel was introduced to . loud-talkins
Confederate Colonel. "Let's see
Colonel" said Ward as they shool
hands, "What Michigan regiment dit
you commander "Michiganr' criet
the Colonel. fairly dancing with rage
"I was ON the other sider' Bel