The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-01-17
VARIETY.

The worst thing about a mosquito is its long
solilOduy as 20 where and when It is going to set
tie down and bite.
never had a man cum to me for advice. but
before he got thru he had more advice TO offer
than TO ask for
IT the women Of this country would get along
without ribbons, they would $l4 500 900
per year to help the men purchase cigars.
The Boston Courier discovered that when two
Young men meet they address each other a. old
man, and that when two old fellows meet they
say my boy
No, George Augustus Sc trousseau Is not
the French for trousers. IL is the French for
more things than you could learn the names Of in
a month. Get married and you will know more
about 10.
Aide sends US a poem - Why Art Thou Sad?''
Now, Aide, we will be honest with you. The
reason we are sad is because our back suspender-
button has busted and we're afraid the other
won't hold till We get home.
What the dickens do you call your mule Ann
for2' asked a tourist OF western teamster,
Wall" said the interrOgated, q. its the nigh
mule OF the par, an tuck the name out'n the
Seripter-An, B.gh ass '-Pike'S Peak PelO-
Opener.
There is q mp here In Arkansas,
Who can't much his saw;
But gave him AT,
And with one OF two whacks
-Arkansas Traveller.
Our regiment was charging up a side hill,
rnked fore and aft with batteries and sharp-shOOt-
ers. One fellow near me dropped on his hands
and knees, and crawled on in that position toward
the enemy, when the colonel caught him in the
rear with the Hat Of bis sabre - Get up, you
darned fool Do you think you are cavalry -
Army stories
little girl in the infant class Of Sunday-school
thoroughly appreciated the difference between
kefu lrnu trllffes nd 2
the close Of the school one day the teacher re-
marked, - Beckie. dear, you have been dear
little girl to-day" - Yes m, couldn't help be-
ing good, got Tiff neck the youthful
Beckie replied with perfect seriousness.
green young man IN Illinois for the first
time a school girl going through some Of her
gymnastc exercises for the amusement Of the lit
tie ones at home. After gazing at her with looks
Of interest and eOmmiseratiOn for a while, he
asked boy near by. - Has that gal got its?''
'' No. replied she lad, eontemptuously, d" that's
gymnastics 2h, tbs, hey" replied verdant
- how long h'ls 8 had 'em p
Three or four pretty good men, pastors Of Mas
sachusetts churches preferred, are wanted i'm
mediately 90 down to the Grand River Divide
and talk pleasantly to the Ute Indians ab0u; the
pleasures Of peace and the tranquil enjoyments
OF domestic life. Good salary and short hours.
Hair restOratives for sale at this office in pints
and quarts Hlrkeye.
81 have seen the most noble and stately wO-
men allied 10 men that scarcely could be said to
belong to the human species-and the distance
that Darwin suppOses between the man and the
brute is very much narrower IN some places than
in others lIaughterl- but then she is thinking
for him, caring for him, willing tor him, stop
ping faults, hiding faults, and yet he, bantam-ke
struts and there Is no remedy for her, for fools
live long but how noble, how divine her self
abnegatiOn. .''-Besehcr.
SWEET SIXTEEN.
As Peter sat At Heavens gate.
A maiden sought permission.
And begged Of him, II not too late,
To give her free admission
what claim hast thou to enter hereg"
L. cried. with -ternest msin,
s.PIease sir" said She 'twfxt hope and fear
elm only just sixteen
Enough the hoary guardian said,
And the gate wide open threw;
That $ the age when every maid
Il girl aud angel, too -
The other day a tenant entered the Office of n
TipperaEz- Land agent, and throwing roll of
notes - able, exclaimed: There's iy'ry
penny I have in the world. It's half years
rint, and ye may take it or lave it-av ye take
il III 90 to the wOrkhOuse ye lave it Ill go
TO America on it, The agent opened the roll OF
notes and counted the money. ''Why, my good
man. there Is more than half years rent in the
buudle - ssThe mischief there is cried the
tenant, putting his haud in his poeket-'begor, l
gev you the wrong bundle Of notes, after ALL
MaDfair.