davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
Getting Even with a Mule.

When Kentucky man got we'll
enough to be out after difficulty with
mule, he fixed the treadmill of saving
machine so that it would roll, put a
tempting measure of oats in the manger
at the upper end, and left the mule alone
with the contrivance; and, after the ami
NAL had worked for half day in a vain
effort to climb up to those oats, every
time he stepped forward on the mill It
having rolled back with him, that mule
was the most fatigued and ugliest, mad
dest, most disgusted creature in Ken
lucky, and the avenger was happy. s
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
How knights Are Made.

In a recent volume Sir Stephen Lake
man gives the following account of his
knighting:
After a few words had passed,
cushion was brought and laid before me,
and then another. on which there was
n heavy-looking sword. Some one be-
hind me whispered that I was to kneel
an operation by no means agreeable to
a man before company. This I some
what awkwardly did, and so remained,
with my face bent toward her Maies-
TVS feet, expecting every moment to
feel the weight of the sword ON my
shoulder to indicate that the ceremony
had begun, but nothing came. There
was a dead silence. So I looked up
and saw the Queen holding up the
sword and directing an inquiring glance
at some one behind my back. Who
ever that person was he was long
time In answering. 1t was the Earl Of
Aberdeen. 1t was evident to me that
her Majesty could not hold the sword
over my head much longer. 1 asked
name, her Majesty said. Stephen I
replied; and down came the sword, miss
ing the shoulder and striking the cush-
ion. The ceremony, however, was COM
plete without that, for her Majesty i'm
mediately said Arise, Sir Stephen,
and held out her hand to kiss. / did
kiss it, and felt in doing 30 that she
had not many in her wide realm who
would serve her more devotedly than 1
il necessity required it.
"The cushions were removed, the
Queen graciously smiled to all around,
and left the room, and we retired to-
gether through the long corridor before
mentioned. I was standing near the
entrance to the castle door while the
Earl OF Clarendon was lighting a cigar,
when the Duke Of Newcastle rejoined
MS and said, Allow me to congratulate
You ms Sir Stephen Lakeman, and as to
having your head still ON. / thought
at one time her Majesty was going to
cut it off,"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
A Mystery of the Honeymoon.

The courtship, the engagement, the
ceremony are over. The bridegroom
hands his bride into the carriage, and
the honeymoon begins. Now observe
one of the most singular facts in the
whole history Of courtship, a fact to
which there is no known exception !:
The bridegroom never can recall the
first words spoken by him to the bride
in that carriage. Why? This question
has been asked hundred thousand
times, and never satisfactorily answered
yet. Some attribute the forgetfulness
to Joy; some to confusion some fancy
the words are of such an extremely ro-
mantle nature, the man finds it more
consistent with his dignity not to recall
them. The answer is none of these. It
is much more prosaic and practical. The
secret of forgetfulness is that he has al
ready said to her everything he could
think would interest her, everything
that does interest him. His converse
tional resources are exhausted, and he
has nothing to say. Instead of an i'm
portant speech, he utters some dreamy
commonplace, throws himself back into
the cushions, devoutly thanking heaven
"the thing is over" Thus, before the
honeymoon is five minutes old, the
bridegroom breaks down lt.5 ....
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

A little anecdote apropos of self-made
men: 1t used always be boast of
Henry Clews, the banker, that he was n
specimen Of this class One day he no
ticed that Mr.. Traverse Wall street
wit whose stammering squibs of speech
have won q world wide celebrity-was
cycling his bald head with critical ex-
the matter, Traverse?" asked JClews,
rather impatiently. "H-H-Henry," re-.
sponded the other, "d-d-didnt You s-s-
say YOU were a s-s-self-made MANI"
"Yes, certainly; I made myself" "Then
w-w-why in the d-d-devi, when you we're
ab-b-bout it, didn't you p-p-put little
more h-h-hair on the top Of your head?"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
Signs.

LII he puts his arms around her like a
bear, and stops her breath when he kiss
es her, they are not married, but are
likely to be. If he puts his hands on
her shoulders, leans forward little,
snatches the prize and falls back, they
have been married two weeks II he
comes up with his hands In his pockets,
looks out of the window, says, f" Well,
goody," gives her tasteless smack, and
r1lshes of, they have been married two
years, and life is desert.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

- We hear a good deal about that
1" abomination called fried steak" We
will tell you how to make tough
steak tender, and how to fry it SO
that it will be juicy! Do not pound it
either with rolling-pin or potato
masher, or even with that jagged piece
furnishing dealers will try to delude
you into buying. If you do pound It,
you will only batter its fibers and let
out all its juices: Pour into the bot
tom of dish three tablespoon
fuls each of vinegar and salad oil,
sprinkle on them half a tablespoonful of
pepper (and a tablespoonful of chopped
parsley, if you have iD. Do not use
any salt. The action of the oil and vim
egar will be to soften and disintegrate
the tough fibers of the meat, without
drawing out its juices. The salt would
do that most effectually, and harden the
tibers beside. You may add teaspoon
ful of chopped onion, if you like its
flavor. Lay the steak ON the oil and
vinegar for three or four hours, turn
ing it over every half hour, and then
saute, or half-fry it quickly. Season it
with salt after it is cooked, and serve it
with little fresh butter, or with the
gravy from the frying-pan. If you fol-
low these directions and do not try to
improve upon them, you can have
tender steaks hereafter if you will.
The Czar's bedroom IN the Winter
Palace, it is said. communicates by %
subterranean gallery with the Fortress
of SITS. Peter and Paul, SO that, in case
of need, he may reach the fortress in a
few minutes, and be in perfect safety.
The room of Emperor PAM I. was pro-
vided with similar secret passage, but
he was not quick enough for his assas-
sins, who murdered him on the thresh-
old Of the passage,
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
NUMBER ID.
A Senseless Phrase.

Wnen any man In THIS country DeRlnb
to talk about " the pressure of popula-
ton on the means Of subsistence" one
of two things should be done with him.
He, should either be transported to
China, where, with population of
4SO;0OO, 600, and very little Of the mod
ern machinery Of production, they begin
to know something of this pressure, and
be permitted and encouraged to air his
ideas and practice his theories there, or
he should be set down in the heart OF,
say, the Territory of Montana, and COM
PEELED to walk back to the States. In
the latter case he might get some idea
of the extent Of the soil which in our
country yet awaits the settler and the
plow, and realize that the best thing for
the ailxiotis Malthtisiat to do at present
is to devise ways and means for settling
and cultivating our inniiense Western
Territories. 1t is really overwhelming
to attempt to realize the extent and re-
sources of our yet-unoccupied national
domain. Take up a map which shows
the comparative size of the States and
Territories, observe that New York and
all the New England States could be set
down in Dakota, and yet enough space
would be left to make a good-sized State.
Indiana and Illinois heed not be very
close neighb0fs if both States were set
set down in Montana. Observe the ratio
of population between the Eastern and
Western States. Every man. woiitan
and child in the United States could be
placed in Texas, and then that State
would not be as thiclzly peopled as Mas
sachusetts is to-day. The soil, climate
and natural resources Of these magnifi-
cent Western Territories are far more
favorable to settlement and production
than in the far Eastern States. And
yet there are some wiseacres to be found
who talk about the pressure of popu-
lation upon the means of subsistence ="
To come nearer home, only one-sixth
of the soil of the State of Illinois has
ever been broken by the plow. In Mis-
souri q great empire lies fallow in the
southwestern portion of the State. The
Southwestern States, bordering on the
Ohio river, have vast tracts of thousands
of acres which have never been cultivated.
The man who would be the patriot now
is the man who shall make way for the
unemployed laborers everywhere to take
possession of these vast expanses of rich
, soil, plant and cultivate them, build
roads through them. dig their treasures
of coal iron, and the precious minerals,
build towns and villages, and plant com
Portable homes all over their bosoms.
We don't need to plan for the "press-
ure of population on the means subsist-
ence" in this country any more than we
need to decide on the cut of our ascen-
sion robes. We do need to realize that
nothing but kind of national stupidity
prevents our enjoying the general pros
perity to which our great national her.
itage entities us. There is room for all,
there is comfort for all. Where is to be
found the precious directive and organ
izing power that shall bring the heirs
and the heritage together Mrs. II. e.
iStarTett, in Western Magazine.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

GEN. hAuFFMAN has just presented to
the geological Garden of Moscow hair
less horse of Central Asia. The animal
belongs to the hybrid species and is con-
sidered great rarity; it is well formed,
but its skin is red and without the slight
est trace of hair, and in cold Moscow it
has to be covered with blankets.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
A Wandering Needle.

A few weeks ago, as q young lady Of
Salisbury, Md, was getting into car
riage sewing needle was by some means
forced into her thigh, but, being oonsid-
cred a trifling matter, little or no atten-
ton was paid to it ut the time. Several
days after this occurrence, however, her
ankle panied her very much, and on
examination it was found that the needle
was the cause of it. In her efforts to
get it out it broke, and she only sue
ceeded in getting one part (the eye half
of it out The point part remained, and
two days after she felt that Just below
the knee. but was still unable to get it
out. Two weeks then elapsed and she
felt something in her throat, but the OBJ
struction was supposed to be a fish
bone. After several efforts to remove it
she at last succeeded, and it proved to
be the point part of the needle. Thus,
in few weeks time, a common sewing
needle enters a person at the thigh,
makes its way down to the ankle, then
retraces its steps and goes up the body
and comes out at the throat. This may
appear to be an incredible story, but it
is true nevertheless. 1t is vouched for
by a gentleman Of unquestioned ver-
acity #sssaf sa4 .-ss t.s9
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
Printing Paper.

The principal ingredients of this paper
are straw, rags and wood. A mill of this
kind affords ready market for all the
straw produced in the country for miles
around. The straw is piled up in great
stacks near the mill ready for use. The
rags come from all parts of this country
and Europe. The wood is brought in
the pulp from firms who make business
ofreducing wood to fine pulp. Regard
ing the processes which these materials
undergo while converted into paper:
In the first place the straw is cut up
fine and passed through tanning mill,
which separates it from all the grain and
particles of dust It is then put into
huge rotary boilers running under eighty
pounds of steam pressure, where it Is
boiled and cleansed in strong solution
of caustic alkali, after which it is emptied
into watts and thrown up into washing en-
gines filled with water; there the alkali
is extracted, and chlorine is added for
the purpose of whitening it. After re-
manning here until the pulp is thoroughly
washed, it is emptied into large watts,
where it is left to bleach twenty-four
hours. The pulp in this stage is as
white as snow, and is one mass of fine,
silky fiber.
The rags are first carefully assorted,
and everything not composed of cotton or
linen is discarded. They are then cut
up and busted by machinery, after which
they are boiled and cleansed with sol,l-
ton of lime in other rotary boilers.
Afterward they pass through the same
process as the straw until they, too, are
reduced to a beautiful, white fibrous
pulp. Equal quantities Of rag and straw
pulp are mixed together with lesser
quantity of wood pulp. To this is added
small portion of alklin, or white clay,
which is used to fill up the pores of the
paper, and give it smoother surface.
The whole is then put into a beating en-
gine, where it remains until the different
ingredients are thoroughly united. This
operation usually takes about three
hours.
Here also the blue coloring is added
- blue white being considered the best
shade for the paper. From the beating
engine the pulp is pumped up into an
other engine, where it passes through
the last stage of refining, and is dropped
in liquid form into an immense tub.
It is now ready to be put into form.
There are two kinds of machines for this
work, the Fourdriner and the cylinder.
The Fourdriner, the fastest invention, is
the most perfect machine now in use
The fibrous liquid is then poured from
the tub through strainer into the ma
chine, where it is caught on an endless
sieve of very fine wire, which filters out
the water and retains the fibre. This
sieve continually vibrates as it moves
along thus thoroughly uniting the fibre,
and when it reaches the section box, all
the water is drawn from the pulp. This
sheet is carried over numerous drying
cylinders, heated by steam; then over
the cylinder rolls, where it receives its
final gloss and finish; and is finally
wound ON spools, weighed, wrapped,
marked and stored. ready for shipment
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

WHEN man is young he spends much
of his time in parting his hair in the
middle; when he is old and bald he
wastes much more time in trying to make
the ends of his sparse locks meet upon
the polished crown above. ess -
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

THAT monstrous bird of ancient Ara
bian mythology, the roe, was large
enough to carry off man on his back.
Hence the expression, Out on fowl. .
The bat is much smaller bird, but the
same expression is often used in connec-
ton with it.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08
The Philosophy of Small Talk.

In conversation the power to talk Just
because we want to say something is a
great acquisition, and positive pre-
requisite. No man can succeed in mixed
companies unless he is skilled in small
talk, and finds it easy to speak Of ones
health, ones appearance, ones closest
surroundings, or flying rumor and 9th
er things which have no importance and
convey no special amusement. Some
profound people despise this. One
thinks: 'Let these trifles expend their
buckshot and I will then fire my artil-
lery." Perhaps, however, he finds the
buckshot lasts, and that there is no de-
mand for his artillery. His right meth
cd would be to fire buckshot with the
rest-to show that he could do better
than they-and by this means he might
interest them in other modes of shooting,
and even excite desire to witness
his artillery performance. know
learned professor who talks grandly to
one listener. A gentleman who met him
at dinner with eight or ten others. said
that during the whole time, excepting
what he spoke aside to servants, the only
expression which escaped the lips of the
professor was the word Yes" and that
In reply to a direct question. "Now,"
about some conversational small coin his
the quality and impress of this we must
of larger value ~ Thoughts and EUeaats.
Cured Of Swearing.
In "Quaker Anecdotes" edited by
Richard Pike, there is pretty story of
a certain " Friend Hopper" who once
had man named Kane brought before
the magistrate and fined for blasphemy.
He did not see the man again for q long
time; but, twenty Years afterward,
when he was standing at his door, Kane
passed by. The Friends heart was
touched by his appearance, for he looked
old, feeble and poor. He stepped out,
shook hands with him, and said 'tDost
thou remember me, and how I caused
thee to be fined for swearing?" 9
eyes, indeed, do," he replied 81
remember how many dollars paid as
well as if it were but yesterday
Did it do thee any good2" inquired
"Never a bit" answered he. eft
only made me mad to have my money
taken from me.
The poor man was invited to walk into
the house. The interest was calculated
on the fine, and every cent repaid to
him. t.r is ete0s 9v8 5.1l t.sE
"I meant it for thy good" said the
benevolent Quaker, "and am sorry
that I only provoked thee.
Kane's countenance changed at once,
and tears began to flow. He took the
money, with many thanks, and was
never again heard to swear. .'
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

A. RUST, residing on Grand Prairie,
Texas, while returning from Dallas, was
attacked on Mountain Greek bridge by
Mexican lion. His life was saved by
bis dog, which engaged the lion. The
dog was terribly lacerated. The neigh
borhood demand action of the County
commissioners in ridding the county Of
the beast. This is the third person at
tackled by it, .-,-
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

eoes mornin'. MIS- Kate" ~id young Msckis
.eood noruin'. again; it's yourself shure soc,
Lookin' bloomin' as iver." But Kate turned away
As shs said: "Mister Mickie, I wish you good
day,
You're hesrtlcs, desaver-now don't spake word! !
Pretty tales about you and that Moran I've heard,
You know you danced with her the day Of the fair,
And praised her gray eyes and her very red hair,
You called her an angel; quite I'm love with her
And at night when you parted, you kissed her as
Then young Mickie gave Ny wing as he said;
IL desaved hm my darnlin'-this way turn your
res, faith, Idesaved her; my darlIn', rs trusi
for shu, both my eyes, Kate, and fancied twas
Yes, that's what did,
Kate, it's true.
shut both my eyes,
And fancied 'twss your"
"wslls I've no time to stay, so goodbye, Mietis
You may derave her. but you don't desave me;
I'm not 10 be blarneyed. Mick, a word in your
ear,
You had better be on for my dad. comm, here"
20, your dads comm, n he1 That's not him
Nov, bobbin'. behind tina. old ovid blaek-.horn
For IT'S Paddy Mahonr" 90" said Kate z,tb
You've sot your eyes open at last. sfickie dear.
And shure you are right; tits ~ oxn ds,iin' Pa,
% txss my advice, Mick. snd ret out of that.
w ~ nes comm 10 co,r me. Now listen nv lad;
Es on wa, 10y s~asses me, q, won't you be glad
But shut h6 ,p meets TI. T%ise .hy VIA, win dof
That's what I'll do;
MCKEE irs true;
shut both my eyes,
And fancy it's your
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-11-27

for any purpose where very strong paste
is desired, the following recipe is recon-
mended Rice or starch paste is the best.
Four parts. by weight, of fine glue are al
lowed to soften in Is parts of cold water,
and then moderately heated until the solu-
ton becomes quite clear IS parts of boil
ing water are now added with constant
stirring In another vessel 30 parts of
starch paste are stirred up with 20 parts of
cold water, so that a thin milky fluid is OBJ
tanned without Jumps. Into this the boil
ing glue solution is gradually stirred, and
the whole kept at boiling temperature for
a short time After cooling, few drops
of carbolic acid ARE added to the paste.
This paste IS exceedingly adhesive, and
may be used for leather as we'll as for pa
per and cardboard. Itshould be preserved
in corked bottles to prevent evaporation.
and in this way will keep good for years.
COOKING MAcKEREL-Th following is
an excellent method Procure good sized
mackerel, clean and dry it well butter
white paper thoroughly, double it, put the
mackerel il this double paper and fold it
over on the top of the fish IN a wide pleat,
then twist and fold tire ends OF the paper
underneath, so as to exclude cold air and
keep the hot air in. Bake the fish in hot
oven for twenty minutes, then take it up,
but do not unfold the paper lay another
piece OF paper on very hot dish, place the
mackerel, still IN its paper, on the dish.
fold a napkin round the instant before
sending to table cut with scissors the paper
off the top of the fish, bat leaving it in the
cradle that contains the gravy, which can
be scooped up with spoon.
CURE FOR WHITLow OR FELoNs.-If
any reader of the RECORD UNION is suffer-
ing the torture of felon on the finger, cut
the end off lemon or lime, insert the fin
ger in the lime or lemon aud the pain will
cease /; keep it on three or four days and
cure is effected. This is cheap, sure and
permanent-much better than the barbar-
Gus lancet method. 1t has been used
years ago, but is not generally known.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-11-27
Meat. Bread and Vegetables

Colonel C. Younger, the great Sbort-horn
breeder of Santa Clara county, in an article
in this weeks Rural Press. under the head of
- Stock Breeding to Diversity Agriculture, y
makes strong argument in favor Of every
farmer producing the meat. bread and vege-
tables for the use Of his family. He says
very truly: mo farmer can be said to be
independent and prosperous who refuses to
raise all or most OF such articles of food as
are required for family use on the farm. In
doing this the younger members OF the fam
iIy are educated in all the industries of the
farm, which is very Important. When boys
learn how to handle, to feed, and to manage
all KINDS of stock they learn to love it. Il
keeps them at home it gives them constant
employment; it teaches them patience,
method and perseverance, and in lalge ma.
jority OF cases they become good and pros
porous citizens" He then tells an incident
in his own life as an illustration of how farm
ers may interest their boys:
l will give an incident in my small boy
hood days to show how easy it is to impress
life. When my father moved to Missouri
tie gentleman be purchased a farm from had
large lot of hogs. To keep them from
going wild. he promised me sow-sh0te if
would feed them twice day until he took
them away. So at the appointed time ne
gave me beautiful sow-shote about six
months old. l gave her such attention as a
boy would who thought he had fortune in
this little sow. Iu time she had ten pigs,
eight of them SOW pigs. They were all blue,
with white list around the body. | have
never been as proud of any property since as
l was of that sow and pigs. All my boyish
attention was given them they became part
and parcel of my every day life. Early in the
morning and late in the evening looked after
them. They grew rapidly with such atten-
ton This being a new country, they re-
quired but little feeding. They increased
rapidly, aud in less than three years my
father sold his farm to move higher up the
county, and soon my hogs had to be sold.
Thsy were gathered up and sold for $780,
This was great sum of money at that day
for a boy but large as it was, | loved my
blue-listed hogs more than money. This
early training, the love l acquired for stock,
has shaped my course through life. No man
can succeed at any business unless he loves
it. My first start as boy was in hogs; next,
fine horses; and last, the short horns. I have
bsen breeding this noble and useful animal
for more than twenty yours. No business
that I have ever done has given me SO much
real pleasure Their beautiful color, massive
aud flushed form, their noble ancestry,
everything connected with them is interest
ing