The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-01-14
MISCELLANY. dsI. q
PUTTING ON AIRS.
wHAg TOOK sHn pHnl.s OUT OF ONE NAN.
--l--ss- ae

He was a shrewd, white haired, old gentle
man tourist, who sat slipping lemonade 10
Baldwin's the other day, and who remarked
as self-imporiant looking individual came IN
and haughtily looked around: 81
Nov, spose that gentleman is ono Of
your bonanza fellows, and owns about two
thirds of the real estate around here
mo" was replied ''he's n much greater
parsspape. He is one Of the successful eandi
dates Of the late election"
II might have known it," exclaimed the
old gentleman, emphatically, " He acts just
as did when | was elected to Congress"
8 How was that?n
We'll, you see, was elected NJ. G. from
the fourth district just after the war. We
had lively campaign Of IL, and as ! never
had been in politics before, somehow got the
idea that the whole country bad quit work
and was watching my contest with quiyering
anxiety Every time the other side accused
me Of being chicken thief, OF bigamist, or
something. I'd get back at them with card
in the Redville Warhoop, headed, I" Another
Lie Nailed and I'd send marked copy to
every leading paper in the country
"Did, ELI :"
!" Yes. and was disguised to find they new
err paid the slightest attention to me, neither.
What surprised me more was that, although
I Kept the President and Cabinet advised OF
everything that occurred, | never got the
slightest sympathy from any Of them.
thought it was blamed singular.
Didn't notice you at all y
..Not at all, sir and when | was elected,
and the boys lighted bonfire in the main
street, and serenaded me, and ] spoke six
hours in the openair as to my future course
on the tariff and finances the'Nsw' York paper
merely said that a Mr.. Gum had been elect
ed by i small majority, my name being Con
ley as yon know"
9 That was hard" arT -
"Well, put that all down to envy and
malice, and started for Washington. I ex-
pected That Al least the Speakerof the House
and ascondnitiee appointed by the Senate
would be down at the depot TO welcome me to
the capital"
q Did they do SO 2"
..The only persons who met me were
committee of hackmen who tore my qyercoat
half off, rammed me into hack and robbed
me, with the aid and assistance of the hotel
clerk who then gave me dark room on the
top floor, and asked the fist weeks board in
advance said it was the rule of the house
with arkansas members
That's what I thought. Well, the next
tnapuing went up to the White House to see
If the President would like to stroll down to
tha House to intsoduee mo andsee n,e sworn
in. Tsent up my card and in an hour Or two
some secretary or other sent back word that
the President was at breakfast and couldnt
be botheredn
"T'hat was pretty short wasn't it9 =
Well, was just dumbfounded. However
went down 10 the capitol aud told the SER
geant.at.arms to go in and announce to the
members that | had arrived. He glinned
aud said That's pretty good, that is. aud
rushed off l expected that, of course, the
members would come crowding up o congrat-
ulate me, and say something like, 'magui6-
cent speech of yours--the last cne--Gpnley.
Beat EN- by forty eightvAess toesold fellow
Aud then mebbe they give me three cheers,
and all that sort of thing
s'And did they -
mo, sir; hope may never stir If they
idu't give me back scat in the cloak room
until nus name was called, and deoikeeper
fired uio out into the corridor twice nader the
impression that was a lobbyist. Well, after
I had been put on the joint committee on
spittoona and window washing, and spent q
couple Of months trying to wedge in my great
four.hdur speech on the match tax something
occurred that let down my check reiu. and
took AL the frills out of me for good.
sA-NVhat was-that9.
g WellI was taking adrive ont to the SOL
diers home one afternoon with three mem
bers, when light buggy went by like a
streak of creased lightning, the trotter driven
by a solemu-looking man in a rusty plug hat,
who was smoking cigar and steadsng a
small terrier on the seat with his elbow
"aThat's Butcher Boy said one of rny
companions, with great interest," trots in
twenty. He's a rafting stopper, bet your
lifean
- Did you notice that dog said another
Best bred pup in town; tail no bigger than
rats; very fine dog, that s"
"As had nothing else to say casually in
quired who the driver was"
- Why, that's the President, said one o.
them with yawn. By jewel how I'd like
to have one of those pups :"
"Tl.at settled it. I've been as meek anc
sad as car horse pulling picnic, ever since ;
San Francisco Post.
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