The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-06-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
AN army officer Is retired when he
goes out of service, and a wheel Is re-
tired to 20 into service again. When
a sheriff releases prisoner he loses
possession of him, and when no re-
leases a house he regains possession Of
1t, and this is a bowling old language
of ouls, amt 1t?
SWHEN man sneaks into the house
at midnight, and tries to get into bed
without waking up the family, every
starr and floor board cracks like rusty
swinging sign in a gale; but burglar
can 60 through tue same house as
noiselessly as floating zephyr.
A LONDON servant girl is represent
ed by Judge as saying: "Hard
weather, indeed, sir. wish the Lord
would take the weather in His own
hands again. instead of trusting it to
them. Yankee probability men. We
might then get something fit to live In"
You may say what you please about
1t, but there is luck In horse-shoes. A
woman nailed one up against the wood
'AoN " ulpHtA nEoS anu lNSC "CCh
husband eloped with the hired girl.
The man had not earned cent for
more than two years.
"WHY don't you spend your money
at home P' asked a kindly city mission
ary OF hardened frequenter Of gin
mllla. "Do you s'pose my wife runs a
bar3' retorted the person addressed.
FINANCIALLY speaking, the French
are franc people, while Italians are
lires. II you told them so you might
get piastre on the eye, but it's per-
fect.y safe to say the Chinese have
taels.
AN Irishman who happened to get
into fight was asked by an acqualnt-
ance some particulars In regard to the
affair. Said hoe "Well, sir, tell you
the truth, saw but little Of the fight.
[ was on tho under side Of it,"
A BRIGHT little-5-year old miss was
taken to the barn to see some sheen,
and after looking ut them for moment
she exclaimed, "Oh, auntic, see, the
sheep all wear their hair banged"
s'MY club, said Mr.. Sleek when he
was invited to join one, my club is at
hOme." eyes," respon dcd one Of the
buys, "and the old lady generally has
it ready for you when you get there"
son, mister" said an old lady after
\ bicycle had passed her, "just now [
seen wagon wheel runnin' away iGh
4 man. You kin believe it or not; |
wouldn't If [ hadn't Seen iJ myself"
AFTER Il Texas jury had stood out
FOR ninety.siX hours the judge got
verdict out Of them in two minutes by
sending them word that circus had
come 10 town.
THIS is the season when the draft
which comes in through All open door
ma kes any man shuddcr. Particularly
II 1t Is sight draft, and Is brought in
by bank collector.
MAUD IAN aristocratic childD: GLOW
pretty and clever you are, mother. Pm
20 glad you married into our family"
1.-The dye Is cast,' said the lodger in
,hc attic as he hurled 4 bottle of Mrs.
Aliens at the feline disturbcr of his
repose.
"M1NNIE, l wish you would not give
MILK to your kitten on the carpet"
Minne-"Don't disturb her. She is on
ler last lap"
lT need not be inferred that railway
are scared because they have
oeen making tracks so rapidly.
"A POOR man was run over by City
and the coroner's jury
brought In the technical verdict
otage-struck.
Glove laughs at locksmiths, "and yet
here isn't anything very funny about
/ lOcksmith.
ONE of the comical sights of lean
year Will be girl whispering Il tale Of
owe into the ear OF q deaf man.
lT certainly shows public spirit in tho
man VINO contracts disease that is
THERE'S one thing an ill-mannered
nan cannot do-he can't eat raw oys-
ters with q knife.
KITE tails will feel lost when telc-
graph wires have been put unocr
ground.
FUSION led to confusion IN Maine.
1IMrLES AMI, llCMORS ON THE FACE.
In this condition of tho skin, tho
EKGETlNE Is the grcI; remedy, as it acts
upon the cause. 1t clranscs and
pur'tcs the blood, thereby causing hui
mors OF all kinds To iii appear
For CoUGHs, COLDS, CATARRu and
Throat Disorders, nsc "Bro,cn's Bron-
chial 1roches" having prorcd their cfll-