Morning journal and courier., 1880-02-06

A witness in court was asked if party to the suit was a truthful man. 'sNo," he an swered, sshe'd rather lie at sixty days than tel the truth for rcash."-Kingston Freeman.
 Italian lawyers will plead case lasting three days for $5. Such being the fact inthe case, wouldn't it be money in the pockets of most of us to import fewer Italian organ grinders and more Italian lawyers
 If the receiver is as bad as the thief, per- sons who are partial to poached eggs should be careful how they indulge their appetites in this direction. It would be well to drop eggs, hereafter.-Boston Journal of Com merce.
 s.Been having your boots half soled?" asked Tom. "Well, yes" said Ben, who was looking 8 little seedy; .'but they're not half soled as my hat" And it was o'clock the next afternoon before Tom understood just what he meant by it.
 Teacher-Now, Bobby. what is the plural of mouse? Robby-Dono' nm. Teacher Why, Bobby, I'm surprised. The plural of mouse is mice. Don't forget that, now. Robby-No'm. Teacher-Now tell me what is the plural of house. Robby-Hice. A California boy stood an umbrella in pub lie doorway during religious meeting. To this umbrella was attached strong cord, an end of which the boy held in his hand. Elev- en different people are said to have carried the umbrella to the length of the string.
 Grammar r!-InvaIid-rv had 8 wretched night, Mrs. Wobbles. Nurse-Dear, dear me, sir, I thought you slep' most comfortable Invalid (with 8 groan)-Oh, Mrs. Wobbles, about it directly, sir, -(puzzled3-I reely don't think there's one in the 'ouse, sir!- Punch.
 Little Edith, who has heard her mamma speak of blighted Mamma, and you think if . person is really and truly in love, it would be wicked to deprive her of the object of her affections ?" Mamma-tsWhy, certainly Edith, dear but where in M the world did you learn all that ?" Edith-"I heard you tell it to Mrs. Jinglejaw to-day. And, mamma, I'm awfully in love with that loaf of cake in the cupboard" It is needless to say that Edith and the object of her affections were immediately united. Boston Tran script.
 ssLadies and gentlemen" said Colonel Solon, pulling roll of paper from his jack et ssthis call was entirely unexpected. l am not prepared to speak, and didn't know i've minutes before was called on that was ex- pected to say anything here, so l merely Jot- ted down 8 few remarks yesterday which Tn tended to make. You must excuse all blum ders as my speech is entirely impromptu and the manuscript so poorly written that I can hardly read it. Drunkenness IS a terrible vlr- tue I have known men, after 8 short career of dissipation, fill drunkard's grave before they were three years old. have seen the rich men pass the wine cup around their well filled tables and their poor children crying for 8 crust of bread. You see men on every corner who have filled drunkard's graves. You see men reeling about the streets who, if they had died of cholera infantum, would have starved l the saloon keepers to death. As Shakespeare says: oh, that man should put an enemy l in his mouth to commit petty larceny on his brains My hearers, epIury bus-eplury bus my hearers, the squire has rung in some Greek on me, and as don't understand Latin I'm obliged to quit"