Smyrna times., 1880-08-18
WHOLE NO. 1911.
Current Opinion.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.


'Tis love (Of the bottle) that makes the
world whirl round ''40
Millions for investment; not one cent
lor campaign expenses.-E-h.
Hancock does not know which bo I;l,oa
the best, old hickory nuts or butternuts ~
People who owe good many bills in the
city stop at the summer resorts the longest
A fresh and very choice collection Of
pretty girls Is reported in the Long Branch
MiSfortunes are often blessings in dis.
guise. A dog without a tail has no fear Of
a tin pan.
A minstrel man evolved q now ioke
last week, and is now dangerously i'll With
brain fever.
There was once woman who never
took the least interest in her neighbors.
She is dead.
Aiken, S. c., has Isl moro women than
men. There are good men Aiken female
hearts there.
Theatrical managers are nearly ready to
hold the modern French plate, glass mirror
up to nature.
The Baroness Burdott Coutts, though old
IN years, Is said to be rather nice looking
for millionairess.
Blackened eyebrows are now so common
that few white vests will keep clean longer
than one evening.
Some wicked seaside resorts are irving to
steal Cape Mays beach, and the police arc
now unusually watchful.
If DR.. Tanners superhuous flesh permit.
ted him to live forty days without eating,
how long could David Davis fast?
Chicago is about to compel the burial of
telegraph wires under the streets, where
the breath Of scandal cannot reach them.
Do not poke fun at a youth who is
"sweet' on a girl. He could not be in
better business and might easily be in
worse.
Because Alfred dc Vigny said "a woman
IS always a child" the Boston Post thinks
he must at some time have been a census
taker.
The West Chester Record has gone into
the business of Matching turtles Plenty
of snap is what every good newspaper
needs.
Edison is at work on air ship. He wants
to run up and see how the sun manufac.
lures its light and whether it can be sub
divided.
Hancock may be good rider, but in the
hurdle race for the White House he will
find it impossible to jump over the stars
and bars.
Western cities are having their census
taken over again. They will probably sue.
ceed equaling Philadelphia in population
by the time they get through.
Laughter is q great heip to digestion.
The reason Tanner gets along so we'll with
his square meals every hour is because he
cannot stop laughing at the doctors.
The names Of the principals in the al.
legged Washington duel cannot be discover
ed. 1t is a satisfaction to know that they
are so much ashamed of themselves.
Preaching weakens the syesight. Some
persons get so near-sighted by the time the
sermon is over that they cannot see the
contribution until it is too late to put any
thing in.
We don't hear much about President
Tilden's paralysis lately.-BoStOn Post No;
it's the barrel that is paralyzed now. By
the way, what corporation has Tilden be-
come president Of?
When the ape in man successfully wrest-
les with the angel in him, it is called
temptations" and according to the New
York Telegram, repentance is the angel
weeping over the ape.
The man who intends to buy a mine
should examine the mineral, not the assay
certifcate.-Ne,o Merican. The man who
intends to cast vote should examine the
record of the party, not its platform.
Honest labor is always respected in this
country. When a man hurries along
crowded street with pot of paint in each
hand, even the most naughty milllonalres
hasten to make room for him to pass.
One of these days some of the sentimen-
tai idiots who are always sending flowers to
condemned murderers will be knocked in
the head by some of these interesting gen.
try, and the angel of common sense will be
avenged.
A physician says water is the best beauti-
fer, and he is right. A young woman may
be as homely as hedge fence, but if she
drewns herself, the.reports always say "the
body of a beautiful girl was found floating
in the water"
A fashionable New York corset maker
saws that women by no means have
monopoly of that article of wearing appar-
ell. She makes a great many corsets for
men, including one of great prominence.
Who can he be2
Two of Bishop Spaulding's sons having
been rescued from drowning at Erie, Mr..
S. presented the rescuers, one with copy
of Shakspeare's works and another q copy
of Spencer's works. 1t is to be hoped that
the rescuers can read.
MANY foreigners believe that North Amer.
lea brought South America back into the
Union.-Er. They are probably misled by
the resemblance between the people OF
the solid South and those of South Amer.
lea. Human life is equally cheap in both
places.
DR.. Tanner thinks of prActicing medi'
cine in New York. When q sick man
goes to him and pays FIVE dollars for con-
sultation he will probably receive a pre-
scription about as follows: "Don't eat any
thing for a month. Read this three times
q day before meals"
Sara Berhhardt has great advantage
l. hi hAF
exit. the canvas door is accidentally fasteD-
| a -. J,a.. ~ ~ hlnndnrino o around