davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

An incident of camp-meeting life, de-
tailed by clergyman on Baltimore
steamboat, is thus reported in Forest
and Stream:
An old couple had supplied themselves
with bottle of pennyroyal oil with
which to keep off the mosquitoes. They
extinguished their light and retired,
forgetting the antidote.
The mosquitoes were very bad, and,
after standing it as long as they could,
the old lady got up and got a well-flled
ink-bottle instead of the oil, and gave
the old gentleman a thorough lubricat-
ing with the fluid, face, hands and feet !:
she then anointed herself in like man
ner.
They again assayed to court the
drowsy god, but could only get an occa-
sional nap. Finally the old lady got up
and struck light. Giving a glance at
the bed she had just left, she behold, to
her horror, a colored person, as she sup
posed, stretched in the place of her
spouse.
She quietly got the poker, and beat
the old fellow over the head before dis
covering her mistake. Later on in the
night, we found the old couple on board
the boat with us, he with his head near
ly as big as bale of hay, and she caring
for him with the greatest solicitude.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
Remarkable Devotion to q Little Girl.

About the year ITO an Italian lady
named Fagniani went to London with
good introduction, and was received in
the first society. She was greatly adj
mired by the wits and men of fashion,
and, after time, went back to her own
country. In due course of time she paid
other visits, but, by-and-by, it became a
subject of remark that her little girl,
who bore the pet name of Mie-mie, +"
and not her mamma, was the object Of
devotion of two celebrated men about
town, the old Duke of Queensbury, "Old
O." and Mr.. Geo. Selwyn. The proceed
ings of the latter became, in course of
time, SO extravagant and even ridiculous
as to excite the concern of his rational
friends. He adored this little creature ;
he wished to adopt or buy her at great
price; he was wretched, almost to the
verge of melancholy madness, in her alb
sence, making vain appeals, and taking
every one into his confidence. All af-
fected to sympathize and-laughed at
him. He was, however, fortunate enough
to secure as his agent one of the liveliest,
wittiest and, perhaps, most disreputable
of the free clergymen who then hung
loose upon society "-Parson Warner, a
rollicking, boisterous person, at the SER
vice of any gentleman of condition. This
worthy agent was dispatched TO Paris to
try and arrange matters, and, no doubt,
TO tempt the Fagnianis with more hand
some offers. They began to waver. Nine.
Fagniani had now another child, which
made the affair easier, The delighted
Selwyn could not restrain himself any
longer, and rushed over to Paris, really
hoping to conclude matters. But, after
tantalizing hopes and delays, the hapless
wit found that he was as far off as ever
from the accomplishment of his hopes.
The parents would not consent Mr..
Selwyn remained lingering in Paris, his
woes and his mournful fate attracting
the attention of even the French His
English friends, kept informed of all the
stages of the affair, affected to'be indig-
nant. The miserable man was wasting
away-had lost his appetite and the
well-known English physician at Paris,
DR.. Genu, assured him that, if he gave
way any further to this infatuation, his
reason would go. The family, dreading
some outrageous step, at last thought it
better to come to terms. Within few
days, strange to relate, all was happily
settled and in fortnight this wonderful
child was carried off in triumph to Mat
son, her floating admirers place in En-
gland. There she was installed as queen
of the place, under care of Miss Selwyn.
Every within of hers was gratifed. She
was taken to Tunbridge, where she was
exhibited in coquettish Spanish hat
and lace. The rollicking Warner was
often hidden there and delighted his pat
ron 10y his devotion to the little thing.
In every letter was q postscript ad-
dressed to his I" little queen" and signed
"Your Snail" There she remained un-
til govt and dropsy and old age began
to overtake Mr.. Selwyn, who died
in the year 1871. Mie-mie inherited
G33, 900.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
A Lime.Kiln Club Episode.

The question before the Club was:
/" Is person who has police whistle in
his pocket any safer than a man who can
lump six-rail fence?" cat de fust
glance dat seems an Uneasy conundrum,
answered the old man, ''but when you
cum to ponder on it you mus sec dat de
jumper can't allus fin fence to jump.
He may Jump agin house. or tree, or
a hedge. An may Jump ober fence to
escape robbers only to be tackled by a
wolf-trap or bulldog. If you have a
purleece whistle, an de purleece hev
time to answer call, an you lay de
whistle down an tackle de pusson an
hold him fast till de officer arroves, it am
better dan jumpin', but de chances am
dat de Judge will let de man off an hint
dat YOU didn't hev case huff to hang a
hat on. Seems to me, considerin all
circumference, dat it am bes' to take a
street kyar fur as we kin an put in some
tall runnin' de balance of de way.
Ode President doubtless meant to say
circumstances instead of circumference,
remarked the Rev. Penstock as he grace
fully Strengthened his spinal column.
"Brudder Penstock, dis char wants 1t
distinctly understood dat when it says
circumference it doan' mean muffin
else!'
"Some folks would have said circum-
stances" added the Reverend, as he sal
down. can some folks might have
said sassage, but didn't. "-Dctroh Free
Press
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
How DO YOu Stand?

One cannot lay out his work to adj
vantage without knowing precisely how
he stands with regard to his business.
The beginning of the year is the appro-
pirate time for ascertaining it. FIRE.
qucntly an account of business is kept
for month or two and then neglected.
If it is only to encourage habits of regu-
larity and perseverance it will be time
well spent to keep an account, not only
of money affairs, but record of events
for every day. This tends to beget
promptness and system in every detail
of farm work, and in business affairs
that foresight and economy which are
everywhere the prime essentials to sue
cess.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
StenOgraphic Blunders.

From paper on plumbers, by +. j.
Morgan, of Syracuse, we extract the fol-
lowing as ludicrous instances OF steno-
graphic Interpretation and transcript
ton:
Gross receipts-Grocery seats. Tam
arack knees-Dum rickety knees. The
mothers prayer ~ The matters prior.
He was a little fellow-He was a little
full. They captured two Parrot guns
They captured two pirate guns. The
woman was baking bread The woman
was begging bread. found the horse
in that PASTURE found the horse i'll
that posture-Counsel offered paper in
evidence--Counsel brought pauper in
evidence. Arthur Waite, the chalk
talk evangelist "A Arthur Waite, the
Choctaw evangelist. The showers were
not sufficient to meet the wants OF mill
men-wants of milkmen. In the inter
vening time he said nothing-In the
entire evening time he said nothing. l
came with my brothers, Horace and
Henry-I came with my brothers horse
and Henry. A medical witness, speak
ing of the illness of lady patient, said ::
"She appeared to be somewhat un-
strung and nervous" The transcriber
made him say "She appeared to
be somewhat kneesprung and nerv-
ous." A minister, preaching SER
mon on the death of gentleman
named Samuel, quoted: "And buds and
blossoms in the dust" He was delight
ed to read in the next issue of the paper:
"And buds and blows Sam in the dust. ="
An attorney asked female witness how
she came to be employed by plaintiff,
aud she answered.: 81 saw sign in the
window, Female clerks wanted here. "
The laundering reporter rendered 1t:
Family color warranted here. An
orator referred to the different religious
sects or denominations "going for one
another" throughout the country, and
said: "Here we have one sect persecut-
ing another" and was so reported, but
the transcriber rendered it: "Here we
have one sick person feeding another, y
and SO it appeared In the next-morning
papers.
Several years ago an eminent lawyer
hired stenographer to take testimony
in an important case. The transcribed
minutes astonished him. A "patent,
upon which much depended in the suit,
was converted into a "potentate;" q
"solid frame" was turned into an "iso.
lated FARM" the furnaces of this coun.
try" were set down as "Fenians of this
country" "clerks and bartenders" were
made "clocks and barometers;" and the
question, "Were you in the habit Of
visiting the house?" was written, "Wert
you in the habit of fastening the hose 2
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
A Montana Heroine.

One of the guests at the Choteau
House is the heroine of first-class snake
story. While horseback riding with n
female friend, the latter encountered a
huge rattlesnake, which caused her horse
to stop suddely and refuse TO proceed
further in the direction of the reptile.
The lady, however, dismounted, and
without waiting to procure a stick or
other weapon, she boldly approached his
snakeship, grasped him by the tail and
pounded the life out of him before he
had time to make an effort in his own
defense. The snake was over three feet
long and sported twelve rattles. The
story seems tough, but the lady who first
encountered the snake vouches for the
facts, and the heroine has the reptile to
show for her exploits. (M IT,
Record
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
The Census.

The Sences taker in our town being
sick, he deppertised me to go out for
him one day, and, as he was too I'LL to
give me informashun how to proceed, L
was Consistently compelled to go it
blind. Sittin' down 10y the roadside,
drawd up the follerin' list of questions
which 1 proposed to ak the people l
visited:
Watts your age? Whar was you
born? Air you marrid, and, if SO, how
do you like it? How many children hav
YOU? Did you ever hay the measles, and,
if so, how many HaN you twin brother
several years older than yourself? How
many parents hav you? Do you read
watts Hims" regler? Do you use
boughten tobacker? Watts your fightin'
waite? Are you troubled with biles +?
How does your meresham cutler? State
whether you air blind, deaf, idiotic, or
got the heaves? Do you know any opry
singers, and, if SO, how much do they
owe YOU? Watts the average of virtoo
on the Fry canawl? If four barrils of
Emptins poured onto barn floor will
kiver it, how many place can Dion
Bourcicault write in year? liz beans a
regler article of diet in your family ?
How many chickens hav you, on foot
and in the shell? Air you aware that
Injiany whisky is used in New York
shootin' -galrys instid of pistils, and that
it shoots furthest? Was you ever at
Niagry Falls? Was you ever i'll the
penitentiary? State how much pork,
impendin' crysis, Dutch cheese, popler
suvrinity, standard poetry, childrens
strainers, slave code, catnip, red flannel,
ansient histry, picked tomaters, ole
junk, perfoomery, coal lie, hoop-siirts,
etc, you hav on hand.
But it didn't work. got into a row
at the first house stopt to, with some
old maids. Disbeleven the ansers they
Civ in regard to their ages, L endevereo
to open their mouths and look at theil
teeth, same as they do with hosses, bu
they foo into vilent rage, and tackled
me with brooms and SIGH. Taking tn,
senses requires experiunse, like an.
other bizniss. Ward.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
The EpiZOOtic

Has again made its appearance in various parts
of the country. AS prevention is better than
cure. the attention Of owners OF stock is called
to UNCLE SANS CONDITION POWDERS.
These celebrated powders stand unrivaled for
their excelency as preventive from disease.
BY mixing with the feed they will keep the an
inal in the best general health, toning up the
system and keeping the digestive organs and
blood in healthy condition.
The Powders are warranted to give perfect
satisfaction Prepared by the EMMERT Pro
PRIErARY Co., Chicago, Ill. Put up in 25 and
5O-cent packages. and sold by all druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
CAV an Indefinite Article.

OF North who was beth
Parish Clerk and scboolmaster, it Is re-
lated that when he was compelled TO re-
sign his scholastic duties to qualified
teacher from a training college he heard
the new master tell his pupils 90 is
an indefinite article. "A is one, and
can only be applied to one thing. You
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

,nnot say cats, dogs but only a cat,
u dog" Upon this the clerk said to his
rector "Here's n pretty fellow you've
got to keep school He says that you
can only apply the article "a to nouns
of the singular number and here have
been saying Amen all my life, and
your reverence has never once corrected
me. AL the Year Round.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
MONEY IN IT.


The best investment is in that which will
maintain health From letter of Mr.. G..
w. Eek, No. IL s. 5th ST., st. Louis, Mo, it
is learned that the clerk of the Money Order
Dept at the postoflice in Alton, H., Mr..
J B. Kuhn, suffered for some time with in.
digestion and all its accompanying evils
Il headache, loss of appetite and despond.
ency, and was surely becoming hypochon-
driac. He commenced the use Of Hamburg
Drops and is now well and strong again.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

The main cause Of nervousness Is Indigestion,
and that is caused by weakness of the stomach.
No one can have sound nerves and good health
without using Hop Bitters to strengthen the
stomach, purify the blood, and keep the liver
and kidneys active, to carry of ali the poison
GUS and waste matter of the system. See other
column.-AdUdlce.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

THE Pail Mall Gazette says England
can no longer furnish her own butter,
because the dairy maid, with her pail, is
thing of the past Farmers wives and
daughters now think dairy work degra.
dation. Dairy farming in France is a
great and profitable industry, the daugh-
ter of dairy farmer often receiving a
dover of $4,000 on her wedding day.
Much of it is the product of her own
labor
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
A Lady's Wish.

"Oh, how / do wish my skin was as clear and
soft az yours said lady to her friend. You
can easily make it So" answered the friend.
"How?' inquired the FIRST lady. by using
Hop Bitters, that makes pure, rich blood and
blooming health. 1t did it for me, as you OBJ
serve" Read of it, Cairo Bulletin.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17
An Indiana Sportsman's Experience.
From the Valparaiso Qnd.) Messenger.l

One of the finest kennels in this country,
and the purest in the West, is owned by MIR.
w. ii. Holabrd-The Sportsman CIothier
of Valparaiso, Indiana. He says: We
use ST. Jacobs Oil in our family in prefer.
encc to all other lniments; / have also tried
ii in my kennel with wonderful results"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

A PoETEss in the Chicago Tribune
means, 81 am sick of the seasons that
come and 60" Her case is hopeless.
Not one of the 1900 patent nostrums
advertised in the newspapers and on the
board fences is warranted to cure a per-
son who is sick of the seasons that come
and 60 The only remedy we can sug-
gest is to employ all the almanac builders
to invent some new seasons and drop the
old ones. And have 'em made stationary,
so they won't "come and go. Norris
torn Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

MALARIAL fevers can be prevented, also other
miasmatic diseases, by occasionally using DR..
San fords LiUer huigordtor, the Oldest general
Family Medicine which is recommended as a
cure for all diseases caused by disordered
liver. Eighty-page book sent free. Address
DIR. Sanford, 162 broadway, New York.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

A THOROUGH practical education can be had
at II. b. Bryant's Chicago Business College and
English Training School. Write for circulars.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

The VOItaic belt c.. Marshall, Mich,
viii send their Electro-Voltaic Belts to the af
hicted upon thirty days trial. See their adver
tisement in this paper, headed, "On Thirty
Days' Trial"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

vEaETINE in Powder Form is sold by all drug
eists and general stores. If you cannot buy 1t
Of them, inclose 80 cents in postage stamps for
one package, or 81 for two packages, and l
will send it by return mail. II. r. Stevens,
Roston Mass
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

BAD habits are easily contracted; so are
Colds, and both are very hard to getrid Of. The
Colds are quickly and surely cured by DIR. Bulls
Cough Syrup.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

For pamphlet on Electric Treatment Of
chronic diseases with Electricity, which will be
sent free, address the Mcintosh Electric Belt and
Battery Co., 1872 & 1914 Jackson ST., Chicago, Ill.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

EVERY farmer and teamster should know that
Frazer aAle grease cures sore necks and scratches
on horses
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

No REMEDY for kidney diseases heretofore
discovered can be held for one moment in COM
parison with Warmers Safe Kidney and Liver
Cure.-C A. Harley, ID. d., Washington, ID. g.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

Little boys are particularly delighted
with wooden balls and knitted reins. The
balls are made on a large scale exactly
as are the little wooden tassels used for
hoods and baby socks. Take perfectly
round piece Of stout pasteboard Just the
diameter you want your ball to be. Out
good-sized circular hole in the center,
and with double zephyr of any color
thread (double) on worsted needle go
over and over the card evenly all around
until the hole is SO filled with wool you
cannot force the needle through. Then
with sharp scissors clip the wool all
round the outer edge of the card, SO that
the latter is exposed. Press the wool,
which has expanded when cut into ball,
away on one side 80 that you can slip
very stout but small Irvine around il
close to the card. Tie the Irvine ends
together as tightly and as firmly as pos
sible then cut and pull away the card
completely, and you have very pretty
and elastic ball. Trim the bali with
sharp scissors till completely smooth
and even.
For the knitted reins take double
zephyr wool and pair of ivory knitting
needles. Cast on twenty stitches, and
knit in plain knitting a stripe of ten
inches III length, always slipping the first
stitch OF every row cast off. To each
end OF this stripe is attached circle for
the arms, which is made thus Take
piece Of cord, the kind used for hanging
pictures, and make circle the size of a
childs arm at the shoulder sew the
ends firmly together, splicing the one a
little past the other then cover the cord
with cotton, wool, or flannel, to make it
soft then cover lastly with a stripe of
knitting, casting on eight stitches and
knitting the length required, plain every
row sew 1T on overcast on the inner
side. Before attaching the stripe (of
twenty stitches broad, which was first
knitted) to the armholes there ought to
be sewn upon it, with some contrasting
color, name such as Beauty, Fairy,
etc., and to the under edge should be at
tached three or four little bells if the
knitting be of green or crimson, make
the letters in yellow with gilt bells.
When attaching this stripe for the
chest to the arm-holes do not let the
sewing be seen, but overcast ON the in
ner side to the overcastings on the arm
holes. Cast on eight stitches and knit
in plain knitting rein the length re-
quired, two and half yards being long
enough, as it stretches with use. Attach
the ends to the armholes at the back.
sewing to the overcasting. Then finish
by knitting a stripe twenty stitches in
breadth and ten inches i'll length, the
ends of which sew to the arm-holes at
the back at the same place rs the rein.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-12-17

CORRECT your habits of crooked walking by
using Lyons Patent Metallic Heel Stiffeners.
, 1880-12-03

The London Daily Telegraph gives
this hard hit: Boston culture often
sits in severe Judgment on the intel.
lectual products not only of the
United States, but also of the mother
country, and sometimes courteously
but decisively visits with condemna.
tion works that among ourselves
have enjoyed long and widely ex-
tended popularity. Not a few Eng
lish authors, who have for years
been favorites with their own coun-
trymen, would be equally astonished
and humiliated were they to discover
of what small account they and their
works We're among the letter mandar-
ins of Harvard, and at the severely
aesthetic tea.tables of Boston.
, 1880-12-03

Young Mr.. Latehours was sitting on
the porch the other night, watching a
seventeen-year-old-girl trying to keep
awake long enough to see the morning
star rise. They talked astronomy. Il
wish / was a STAR" he said, smiling at
his own poetic fancy. 81 would rather
you were comet" she said dreamily
His heart beat tumultuously. "And
why?" he asked, tenderly. at the same
time taking her nnresisting little hands
in his own; "and why?' he repeated i'm
periously. "Oh," she said, with o
brooding earnestness that fell upon his
soul like bare foot on oil cloth, ''be-
cause then you would only come around
once every 1900 years" He didn't say
anything until he was halfway to the
front gate, when he turned around and
shook his fist at tho house, and NUT
tered between his teeth that "by the
dads, it would be q laundering sight
longer before he came around again. !"
But by that time the poor girl was in
bed and sound asleep.