The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-06-05
said that inflnity under any and all circum.

stances Is infinltesimal
"Mr. President, l rise, sir, for information,
began u small Freshman with impressive al
at mass meeting OF the Madison universit,
students; but 1.-THE Chair" quickly knocked
the conceit out of him by the unparliamcntar.
ruling, That's right, sonny, stay UP" Ever
the most harmless acts and amusements OF TIT
new conner cannot be passed over by the col
lcge editor without slur of scorn. Thus thu
WdyietM Olio says "One of our Freshmen
from town down the river was caught at 8
piano the other day trying his worst to slaugh
ter that good old college air, An EmcraiC
Freshman" The TRINITY Iabld slmilarl,
gives vent 10 the sheer Of sarcasm: "Ou
Freshmen now rejoice in the possession Of {
fine musical instrument, well suited TO then
tastes and capacities, namely, drum Ever
the street ragamuffins have to have their fling
AS shown by this story, which has enjoyec
great popularity in the college press: before
the show window of picture shop. First
gamin to second-'Say, Bill, come away; don
be oOkin' in at them pictures q bally dane
crs, or folks II take yer for a Harvard Fresh
man
That the Harvard Freshman may sometimes
solacc himself with the tun of a pun will APP
pear by examining an excerpt from the Echo
"Sccnc-A breakfast table at Memorial. First
| Dyspeptic Freshman docking dcspondngly
at a plate of buckwheat cakes): All, why
are those cakes like the sun? Second ID. +.
(after five minutes deep thought: 1t can't
be because they are hot 80 | give it up First
ID. F.. Why, they rise in the yeast and set
in the vest" With this may be compared
the response of the Yale Freshman, when ask
ed what the Greeks thought about the ana
basis" They could Zc'no-phon in it." a
Lcwisburg Freshman, being asked if he knew
an ,,.h I'M AIN thu cb n tho N who
discovered America, said, YES, he was Amer
Gus" Another Pennsylvania, his cotempo-
rary, but less crcditable rival, "lmperils his
life by offering the following conundrum
What is the jollest book in the Blbley Levity-
Gus" The Pennsylvania College Wonthiy is
also responsible for the following: The otEer
day Freshman was asked if he was gong to
service IN the College Church, why, no. he
replied, that is just for Props How is tina"
was asked, Why the DR.. gave out last Sun
day that it was to be Preparatory service, an.
sWered the little heathen." What Is this
Pathology which the Seniors are talking
about." asked another unsophsticated soul.
as 1t the science Of Palcyy'
The Tile OIford and Cdmbridge tHde'grddu-
ate's Jouraal reports the following distressing
incident: "Freshee anxious to furnish his
rooms stops at the first shop in the outskirts
of Oxford. Pointing to a long row of college
arms, he saith, Have you got NewT Delight
ell shopman, oh, yes, sir they're all new"
Dear Faculty" on the authority Of the Ar
gus, is the formula whercwith certain Fresh
man of Wesleyan always begins his excuse
papers. Replying to the PROFESSIONAL reproof
II see no point whatever to your dcmOnstra
ton, Harvard Freshman cheertully chortes:
"Chauvenct says point has neither length
breadth nor thickness, and therefore 1t cannot
he seen" None the less does the presiding
tyrant mark conditioned" against the Fresh
mans name and grimly turn toward his next
victim. That's right; know I'm right; /
cant be wrong; you must be mistaken, Pro-
fessOr," is the defiance which "A desperate
Freshman of Hamilton hurled at his conven-
tional superior. what Is gained by the study
OF logcy" asked the head of the department
of metaphysics at Michigan University, and
the Freshman, who had carefully COINED the
calendar exhibiting the relations Of the several
elective studies, made answer unto him: Two
fiflhs of course
Said tutor in rhetoric at Columbia; "Can
you give me any familiar example, sir, of IA
highly fgurativc style-something not in the
textbook The example was at once forth
coming thus Take your d canal boats
out of the way, you lopeared pelican of the
desert! got it from an 'S2 man this morning,
sir" A Yale tutor who put the conventional
command; Mr. H., will you please reciteY"
was likewise overwhelmed by the gracious
decllnation: "Thank you, sir, | recited yes
terday," Readers not familiar with Yale
ought perhap, to be reminded that on account
of the size of the divisions the chances are
rather against Il Frcshman's beng called up
to recitc in the same study Oh two successive
days. Other examples, showing that the reel
tation rooms spite OF complaints about their
ventilation, are redOlent with tho fresh fra
GRANGE of opening spring, may be given IN the
form of question and answer. If all the an
swcrs are not those of Freshmen, it Is at least
plain that they ought to have been:
"What can you accomplish in electricity
with Wheatstone's hridgey
"Oh, you can do the whole business with it,"
"Whai is boat bridgey"
"A boat bridge is bridge on wheels that
can be towed around into an abscess."
"Why does person running around cor
ner incline his body towards it?"
ITO prevent hs going off on a tangent"
Tangent to what?"
why to the corner"
How did you obtain that mathematical re
4ult?"
by illumination, by addition and subtrac
ton"
"lt you should take hold OF one end of this
book and the other why could you not pull
me?"
Friction Of your feet suppose"
considering now the question of compli-
mentary colors, why do blondes wear blue and
brunettcs rcdy"
"To keep them warm most likely"
IL will let you mention how a wave of light
travels"
at comes sort o'-sort o screw ulrky like"
What would be the direction Of an isother.
nal line running west from Boston,
Crooked"
will take placer"
1T will get wet"
There, SIR, do you call that a successful
or not?"
why, no, sir: | should call it melted ice, "
"Mr. G., you may give me the diameter of a
sphprep