Morning journal and courier., 1880-07-05
SeIf-ControI i'm Society,
[From s'American Etiquette" in Andrews Ameri

(From "American Etiquette' in Andrews American
 Queen.
 Good breeding gives us certain definite rules, and while these are observed, society is possible; else it disintegrates. But we may, without losing self-respect, exercise a vast self-control, and not show that we distrust people, nor that we vastly like them we need not wear our hearts on our sleeves for daws to peck at. Members of the same fam fly should never quarrel in public. This is often done by two sisters of unceatain temper and the crowd laughs. The French have proverb about this, perhaps too well known to be quoted.
 Never show that you feel a slight. This is worldly wise as we'll as Christian, for no one but mean person will put slight on anoth- CT, and such person always profoundly spects the person who is unconscious of. his feeble spite. Never resent publicly a lack of courtesy; it is in the worst taste. What you do privately about dropping such an acquain- tance must be left to yourself.
 To person of noble mind the contests of society must ever seem poor and furious as they think of these narrow enmities and low political maneuvers, but we know that they exist and that we must meet them. Temper, detraetion and small spite are as vulgar on a Turkey carpet and in palace as they could be in tenement house; nay worse. for the educated contestants know better. But that they exist we know as well as we know that the diphtheria rages. We must only reflect philosophically that it takes all sorts of peo- pie to make world; that there are good peo- pie; rank and file that there is a valiant army and 0 noble navy; that there are also pirates who will board the best ships, and traitors in every army, and that we must be ready for them all and that if we live in crowd we must propitiate that crowd.
 Never show fractious or preemptory irri- liability in small things. Be patient if a friend keeps you waiting Bear, as long as you can, heat, draught, rather than to make others uncomfortable. Do not be fussy about your supposed rights; yield a disputed point of precedence. All society has to be made up of these concessions they are your unnumbered friends in the long run.
 We are not always wrongsswhen we quarrel; but if we meet our deadliest foe at friends house we are bound to treat him with per feet civility. That is neutral ground. Never, by word or look, disturb your hostess; this is an occasional dupicity which is ordered by the laws of society. And, in all honesty, cul- tivate graceful salutation, not too familiar, in a crowd. Do not kiss your friend in crowd; be grave and decorous always. Burke said that manners were more important than laws. Manners are what vex or soothe, comfort or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us by constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like the air we breathe.''
 A salutation may have great deal of mean ing in it. It may say, 'I respect you, and I WISH you WS4 1L u1hy say, I love you. may say, q hate you" In a crowd, it should simply say the first. The bow of young woman should be maidenly, quiet, not too demonstrative; yet not cold or forbidding. The salutation of man to woman cannot be too respectful. It is to be feared that told fashioned courtesy has no place in our fash ionable society. There is either coldness or too great familiarity The manners of young women are apt to be too careless They em- ulate the manners of the men of the age too much. not remembering they should carry in their gentle ways the good manners of all ages She should remember that when woman's salutation ceases to be delicate, ele- gant and finished, she steps down from her throne and throws away her scepter. There IS no salutation, however, more displeasing than that of two efflorescent and fattering subserviency. 'He bows too low' should never be said. Avoid being snob, in pri- vate as in a crowd.
 uouri6hinQ agent for tha weak enaaciated