River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1880-11-11
IN A NUT SHE'LL.

The latest thing IN hose-lhe iect
Song of the top-Hum again.
Men of sound principles-Musicians
Lottery investors always look out for
the number won.
Billiards was originally played ON the
ground.
Boys under 16 caught smoking in
Coblentz are arrested.
1t is beauty's privilege to kill time,
and times privilege to kill beauty.
An old negro woman was found dead
in Atlanta, Ga, with foot in the fire
and a pipe in her mouth.
A Boston paper denies that a door
step can be aristocratic Then how can
a room look dignified?
A prisoner when asked what trade he
wanted to learn said: IF there is no
objection l would like to be sailor"
A boy "out at the elbows" was asked
the cause, and replied: Il laughed in my
sleeves till burst them.
The latest census of Japan shows the
population to be 34,33S, 404, which is a
steady and large increase since 1875.
Professor "What are the constitu-
ents of quartz" Student. "Pints. ,
Not smile from the class.
New York people supposed to be
ordinarily sharp, yet they are being
continually taken in by French flats.
A French writer says there was once
in the environs of Rouen miller's
daughter SO pretty and SO cruel that
the signs of her lovers alone served to
turn the sails of her fathers mill.
a man in Plymouth, England, lately
died in a fit caused by the excitement
into which he worked himself because
the servant girl didn't answer the bell
promptly.
John Silk, of Boston, assaulted lame
man, supposing that there would be no
resistance; but he received probably
fatal blow on the head from the Grip
pies crutch.
The Chinese at home never ''go visit
ing" When one wants to see his rela-
tives he journeys to their abode, puts
up at hotel, and sends for them to
come over and shake hands.
1--WE had short-cake for tea, said a
little girl to Il neighbor's boy, to whom
she was talking through the fence.
so did we, he answered; very short
so very short it didn't 60 round.
zone half of the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" exclaimed a
gossiping woman. ooh. well, said her
neighbor, don't worry about it, 'tisn't
your fault if they don't know"
An old bachelor at wedding
feast had the heartlessness to offer the
following toast 'NIarriage-The gate
through which the happy lover leaves
his enchanted regions and returns to
earth.
Young and pretty American girl in
Paris-"What in the world are you
doing here?" I'm spending my honey
moon" But where's your husband p
"Oh. he's in New York. Paris Figaro.
A Boston young man married
against the wishes of his parents, and
in telling a friend how to break the
news to them, said;-"Tell them first
that I'm dead, and gently work up the
climax"
Dearest" he murmured estatically
he infolded her in his arm for the first
time, "lct me sample the nectar 0
your lips" "Take a whole schooner
of it," She family whispered, Sits all on
tap"
May Heaven preserve your eye
sightw said a beggar-woman to a man
with small nose who had just given
her a gratuity. why" he asked
Because" said she, you've no nose to
hold your spectacles.
A Harwington( Conn. young man had
his coat damaged 800 worth by sitting
down in a newly vanished chair, while
calling on his girl the other evening
and the young lady generously offered
to pay the bill.
An Augusta dentist has invented an
exceedingly ingenious and useful little
| turbine wheel, to be used in dental
work. 1t is hardly larger than dollar
but when the water is turned on will
give a drill or other dental instruments
1900 revolutions Il minute.
1t is a lamentable fact that a piece
Of pasteboard with verse on it, giveI
rs reward of merit in Sabbath
school, has not half the charm for /
boy as the same size piece Of paste
board with the talismanic words
admit one" -Boston Globe
4 Pittsburg alderman, being dunneG
by newsboy for thirty-five cent bill
made him swear that the bill was cor
rect and charged him fifty cents for adj
ministering the oath. This experience
may save the newsboy thousands of dol
lars when he grows up.
! A peasant woman working in tielC
near Michalkoy, Galicia, dug up 9
crown and other objects, all of gold
Archnologists believe them to have be
longed to the the treasures of Cyrus
" died during the campaign agains
the Massagatcs 529 years b. c. The
weight of the objects give them an IN
trinsic value of $50 600.
A clothier has excited public curlos
itv by having large apple painted OF
his sign. When asked for an cXplana
ton. he replies: lift hadn't been fol
an apple, where would the ready-madC
clothing store be to day."
do you love her still" asked the
Judge of man who wanted divorce
Certainly | do, said he; II love hel
better still than any other way, but thu
trouble is she will never be still The
Judge, who is married man himself,
takes the case under advisement.
An inventive mariner has launched
Mt Wiscasset, Me, diamond-shape(
vessel with five masts, a great numbe
of triangular sails, and a rudder of I'M
common length. lie believes that the
odd craft viii make great speed.
4 man who married a Jewess short
ly afterward joined the Temperance
society, and never dared to kiss bis
wife from that day, because he had con
sidered himself prohibited by thu
pledge from meddling with Jew-lips.
us Your house a warm one, land
lord? asked Il gentleman in search of {
house. at ought to be, was the re
ply, ''the painter gave it two coats re
Gently"
Two men broke up a revival meeting
in the open air near Culpepper, Va.
by their quarrel over hymn-book
which both wanted ut once. The cler
gvman was unable to stop the fight
which ended in one being fatally Gu
with a razor.
| Among the curiosities of the Pacific
is an oil well at sea in thirty fathom
of water on the California coast of San