The Osceola times., 1880-10-23
MR.. SPOOPENDiKE.
rhI. TIme He Loo.e. Hi. sn.pender.

dyke, as he stretched himself and drew
on his pantaloons, "youve cleaned these
trousers up first rate. This is what call
economy. 1t saves money. If I'd taken
'em to Il e tailor's il would have cost a
couple of dollars at least, and you've
saved just that amount" and Mr.. Spoop.
endyke went to his abiutions and then
pulled on his shirt.
an clean your coat too, if you like"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke. Leave it home
some day and III take this spot out of
the sleeve" and Mrs Spoopendyke bust
led around and looked delighted with the
idea of pleasing her husband.
"Where's my suspenders2' asked Mr..
Spoopendyke, screwing himself around
and looking down his back. "You didn't
clean the suspenders clear out of sight,
did yous"
"fbey were there when you put on
your pants" said Mrs. Spooper dyke. II
haven't touched them. What did you do
with them?"
"Oh, yes, certainly. l did something
with them! What dye s'posc did with
them? Think l set them up in busines
somewhere, don't ye2 Got an idea
gave 'em vacation to go fishing, haven't
yc? Well, didn't, and more'n that
didn't send 'em away to be educated for
the ministry. Where's my suspenders2
Where'd you put 'em? Spose Pm going
around holding these pants up all day?
Think I've got no business interests be-
side holding on my breeches with both
hands? What'd you do with the measly
things?"
II know | didn't take them off the
pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things around in vain endeavor to find
the missing articles.
"They must be there somewhere"
"Show 'em TO me, thenv' demanded
Mr. Spoopendyke take a stick and point
'em out to mel OF course they're here
somewhere, only just put your thumb on
'em! What have We done with 'em?
Can't we recollect whether ye made 'em
up into hat bands for the heather. like
you did my dressing gown, or whether
you planted them to see if they would
grow, like you did my stiaw hat? Think
they walked off like croton bug?
S'posc those suspendcrs have taken their
girl to picnic? What kind of house
keeping Dye call this, anyhow? Where's
my suspenders?" howled Mr.. Spoopen-
| dy Ike ,poking around III the sol edo clothes
bag. "Where's those suspenders2"
and he pulled the books off the shelf and
rummaeed around behind the case with
broom handle for diving-rod.
"Maybe / can fix your pants so you
won't need any suspenders to-day, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
That's it. You've got i'll" raved Mr..
Spoopendyke. "How are you going to
tix 'em? Going to tie them on with a
shoe-string, like you do your hustle?
Going to walk around behind me all day
and hold 'em on? P'haps you can pull
'em up and button 'em around my neck!
How dye propose to fix 'em? Going to
put 'em on me upside down, SO if they
fall they'll fall up? If had your head
I'd go out to service as file. Fix 'em,
why don't We? Why don't we fix 'em?
These trousers are getting sick at the
stomach, waiting to be fixedv' and Mr.
Spoopendyke shot across the room and
dove under the wardrobe IN search of the
lost suspenders.
Just let me buckle them tight behind y
said Mrs. Spoopendyke. "The strap will
hold them"
That's the scheme" shrieked Mr.
Spoopendyke. Something's got to hold
them! If / was as sharp as you I'd get
rich hiring out for an oyster knife. All
you want is to have somebody sit cross
legged on you and come home two weeks
after you're expected to be tailor-shop!
Going to find those dod gasted suspend
ers between now and the next war;"
81 know they were on his pants when
he put them on" muied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, entering upon little inductive
reasoning ale didn', take them off,
and so they must be there now" and the
good woman approached her husband
with a smile.
"Oh! now they're going to be fixed"
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a horri ble
grin. 'P'raps you're going TO cut button
holes in your hands and feet and hang
over my shoulders, amt ye? Want me
to put 'em on over my head like meas
ly shirt with two tucks and fiouDce to
it, don't We? Maybe you think those
suspenders hurried down to break fast
SOS to get the first crack at the morning
paper, don't yer
But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re-
sponse. Opening the back of her hus-
bands fiuttering shirt, she saw the miss
ing suspenders. He had slipped them
over his shoulders before assuming the
muslin, and mad forgotten all about
them.
"Smart as whip, amt ye?" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he drew of his
shirt and let the suspenders down. al
my head was as clear as yours I'd hire
out for a church bell. You only need
four lenses and drop of rain water to
be microscope" And Mr.. Spoopendy Ike
hurried on his clothes and scuttled down
stairs TO get the morning paper before
his wifa conld mako a clutch at IL