Richland beacon., 1880-04-17
WAITS AND WHIMS.
Ruiz tor a man who would purchase
a good wS,ch-by its works you shall
know it.

Ruiz tor a man who would purchase
a good wStch-by its works you shall
know it.
The Trouble with the midnight cat
is no. 70 much that it cannot sing
as that it firmly believes it can.
IT need not he inferred that railway
companies are scared because they have
been making tracks so rapidly.
DEATH loves shining marx" which
is pnrhsps the reason why dead urack-
erai shines On moonlight night.
THE P,coyunc remarks that when a
man is out of money any change that
may come TO him is for the better.
WESTERN papers are discussing the
question, "chall married women work.
The husband of the period will answer
that question in the Affirmative.
"WIIL YOU name the bones of the
head:' SAID the teacher to one of his
class a, Medical College. "Tve got
'em all in my head. teacher" re-
piled the pupil, "but ! can't give
en-"
"YoU promised to pay that bill yes
terday," said an angry creditor to a
debtor. Yes" calmly replied the
other, but to err is human, to forget
divine, and | forgot it,
THE conductor of a railroad train in
New York State thought he spited a
couple of lovers by starting out two
minutes ahead of time. They had to
walk eight miles, but the girl said she
wished it was twenty.
THERE is no good reason why the
names of the months should not he
changed and Americanized. How much
more consistent it would be to substi.
tute " Nip-and-Tuck for January, and
"Slosh- Around for April.
THERE is always an irrepressible con-
ilict going on in ones mind when be
sees small boy taking his first smoke,
as to whether the boy is smoking the
cigar, or the cigar is smoking the
hoy.
a WATERLOO woman thought she
got the best of tin peddler the other
day when she smuggled about twelve
pounds Of old copper and two sections
OF lead pipe into the ag-bag and stuck
them upon him at two cents per pound.
A CHINESE student at Apdover wrote
in lady's aibum the following version
OF a well-known poem:
How doth the little sting hug
Improve every sixty minutes ....,
All the day.
&c ri'fre up sting bug Juice
tIsm n"wers just got busted
-.NmfoK Counfy GazetS
A LADY recently had premonition
that as soon as she printed her first
volume of poems she would die. The
premonition was fulfilled. We would
earnestly call the attention of a large
number of pOetical young ladies and
gentlemen to the fact that things gener-
ally happen without any premonit;on
at all.
The young ladies of Washington are
debating how they shall effectively re-
buke tine ill-bred men who stare at
TEN in the str ct cars and stages. Easy
enough. Poke the point of your para
80! handle into their eyes. A man, no
matter huw i!i-bred he may be, loses his
appetite for staring after nc has an eye
punched on three or four times. Or
the young ladies might walk.
THEY sai ul'"u tho sandy beach. u
And raz"'i upnn ihe sea
" When aie the waves called angry waves7"
Conn tirlImiy a,kei she.
"Cali~i tngry waves" her beau replied,
Twixi wond,rmsnt and doubt
al give il up" Why. then :" she cried,
IL "h'n the wa'srs!r :"
,dnsas Civ Tim.s
DURING the first two weeks OF jan
uary St. Louis shipped 100000
bushels of corn in bulk to New Orleans.
AMONG the men who refuse to patron
ize local papers is he who givesa second
hand pair OF paptaloons or an old coat
for charity's sake, and then makes it
paii. to LEI ,he eGit0r know oi it. SO tina,
his sheet NAV herald il abroad and let
the world gri v of his benevOIence
This same old ieah weight on human
roy, ",* anl civilization will tell yon
tha, adycrii-inr d1e-n'; pav.