Connecticut western news., 1880-04-07
The Lime.Kiln Club.
BROTHER GARDNER GIVES THE MEMBERS
 SOME GOOD ADVICE.

SOME GOOD ADVICE.
 cone day las fawl," began the Presi- dent as Elder Toots settled back for his usual nap, 'I war passin' up Antoine street, an seed Cutwater Smith a-sittin' on de fence. In de airly winter I passed dat way agin an I saw him huntin' de streets for wood. De odder day had bizness wid him, an foun' de family out O fewel, out O prrvishuns, an wuss off fur clothes dan my ole COW ever was fur blanket. knew what would hap pen de frst time saw him roostln' on de fence. I tell ye, culld men, de man who roosts on de fence in de fawl will hug a cold stove an look into an empty cup board all winter. Dis world owes no man hbin'. If any member of dis club has got dat ideah under his kinks he wants to wollop it out right away. What de world owes 8 man, an what 1t gibs to ebery man is fair chance to airn his bread an butter. I h'ar people groanin' out that luck is agin 'em. Out upon luck ! If luck means anythin', it's steady work an takin' care of de shillins. Oder folks am whinin' aroun' dat dey hev no show. No show in dis big world Why, eben de flies an skeeters hev show! Ebery man has a chance to reach up, but when he makes saloon his headquarters he's got to reach down. I doan' go much on public charity myself, but when I am gibin' I'd sooner glib to 8 wide-awake thief than to a whinin', complainin' loafer. De curtain will now be lifted on de regla time table of bizness.
 The Chairman of the Committee on the Sick reported that Josephus Root, 0 resident of the western suburbs, was lying on his bed with broken jaw, and felt himself entitled to draw his $3 per week.
 "Did you inquar' how he got dat jaw broke?" asked the President.
 "We did, sah. He was gwine up Hi noy street de odder day when he cum upon daug fight. Oar was crowd, an our respected brudder climbed upon fence to get a clar view. A bod broke down, an our respected brudder took @ fall an broke his jaw.
 "In de fust place." said the President, after look through the bylaws, "dis club am posed to daug fights. In de nex' place, de brudder took his own risk in climbin' dat fence. It am not 'zactly case whar' de club kin legally and con- sistently be called upon to furnish relief j; but, on the odder han, it am human to err. Qld d as am an as much as I want to be good, dar am sunthin' bout daug fight which draws me nigher-nigher, higher, an fore knows it I'm frowin' up my hat an offerin' to bet two to one on de crop-eared canine. Relief will be granted in dis case, but I won't answer fur any jaws broken in de misty fuchur. "
 MORE AGRICULTURE. The Secretary acknowledged the re- ceipt of the seventh communication from Gen. Le Due, of the Agricultural Bureau, admitting that his recent experiment with short-horns was failure. He sawed off the horns of a long-horned COW to make her short-horned bovine, but it neither increased her beauty nor her milk. He didn't know but that the club might have better luck, but as an early and earnest friend of the organization he felt like giving it fair warning.
 "Fur which," said Brother Gardner in reply, "we am much o'bleeged De Seckretary will return de warmest thanks of de club to de Gineral, an inform him, as acounter-favor, datrecent 'speriments, by members of dis club, hev demonstrated de purbolic fack dat eatin' sweet ile on buckwheat cakes will counteract any in- tenshun of de system to erupt. Dis am fack which should be known to de Agryculchural Buray at de airliest possi- bul moment"
 GOOD NIGHT SONG.
 The Glee Club then rendered the fol- lowing:
 'Brudders, now dat we must part,
 Let us gently say good night ,
 It am better to be good
 Dan to jaw aroun an fight.
 GAS we go our varus way,
 Let us dodge all sorts of sin
 If we meet man of woe
 Let us gently take him in.
 ''De world am big enuff fur all,
 No use crowdin' any one
 Take de road an walk along,
 Till yer days of life am dun.
 -Free Press.