Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-05-07
F. u N


WOMAN ASA CENSUS TAKER.-In many
parts of the country women will be appoln-
ted as census enumerators, with the proba-
BILE result something like this:
Neatly dressed woman of an uncertaik
age with big book under her arm and
pen in hand rings the door-bell. Yount
lady appears at the door.
Census Enumerator-"Good Morning
Lovely morning. I'm taking the census
You were born?"
Young lady-"Y es'm."
sYour name, please? What pretty
dust-cap you have on. Can get the pat
tern? It's just like the one the lady IN thu
next house has. Let's see, your manner"
81 haven't the pattern. Don't you ge
awful tired walking round taking the cen
sus?''
sob, yes, it's wearisome, but I pick W
a great deal of information. How mic
your dinner smells cooking Plum pud
ding? Where were you born %
SIN. Maine. No. I haven't plum pud
ding to-day. I'm looking for new re-
cipe-'' @
"I've got one that took down from 2
lady,s cookbook across the way Are you
married."
ssNo. Want an invitation to the wed
ding, don't you? 1t will be long time
before you get it. You can keep you!
plum-pudding recipe, thank you.'
ST sh'd think 'twould be some time.
Have you chill Oh, of course, forgot
This hall carpet is just the pattern OF
Aunt Prudy's. She's had it more than
twenty years. How many are there in the
family?"
ssIf this hall-carpet don't suit you you
can get off from it and go about your cen
susing."
swell, you're an impudent jade, any
how. You haven't told me when you
were born, or what's your name, or when
YOU expect to get married, and there's ter
dollars fine for not answering census-ta-
ker's questions, and if I was you l
wouldn't be seen at the door in such
slouchy morning dress, so there"
sob, you hateful thing. You can just
go away. I'd pay ten dollars just to get
rid Of you, and smile doing it. It's none
of your, business. nor the censuses' either
No. it isn't. You can keep your pattern
and your plum-pudding and your sapcy
impudent questions to yourself H."
"Good morning. must be getting on
1 havn It done but three families all the
fore noon,'' and an energetic bang OF
the door just missed catching foot of her
trailing dress skirts.
SURE ENoUGH.-A story is told OF the
daughter Of a prominent person now in
the lecture field, which is peculiarly sug
xestlve of unconscious wisdom. A gen
taeman was invited to the lecturers house
to tea. Immediately on being seated al
The table, the little girl astonished thu
family circle by the abrupt question:
s'Where is your wife ?"
Now, the gentleman having been recent
" separated frosa the partner of his mise
ries, was so completely surprised, that hi
stammered forth the truth
II don't know"
tsDon't know !" replied the infant timid
". ,swhy don It you know?"
Finding that the child persisted in hel
Interroea tories, despite the mild reproo1
of her parents, he concluded to make 9
clean breast OF the matter. and have il
over at once.
So he said, with calmness which was
the result of volly of inward expletives:
swell, we don't live together. We think
that as we can't agree, we bad better be
apart
He stifed groan as the child began
again. and darted an exasperated look at
her parents. But the little torment would
not be auiet till she had exclaimed:
ssCan't agree! Then why don't you
fight it out as pa and ma do2"
s.Veugeanee is mine ~ gleefully retorted
the visitor, after ''pa and MAJ exchanged
looks of holy horror, followed by an in
evitable roar.