The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-04-16
COMICALITIEs.

side, it might have. been a great sighed
worse.
WoN'T Mr.. Edison fix a photograph
on everybody's front door 30 that it can
tell q caller "Not at home" when he
pulls the bell?
HERE is spring again, and how to
come out in a brand new suit without
spending any money is a problem which
knocks most young men dizzy.
THREE days aftera baby is born every
body says, "Ketchetty, ketchetty," and
digs its ribs with a forefnger. Hence
the prevalence of ill-temper in adults.
PLAY spades if you would win potatoes;
play clubs If you would deal with q
rufian; play hearts If You would win
friends; play diamonds if you would win
a woman. -Boston Transcript.
IT is natural as life that women should
be fond of ribbons. Because, you see,
the first woman was made from O rib
bone.-AndreWs' Queen.
CORNELL UNIVERSITY is to have q class
in journalism. A pair of two dollar
shears and q bottle of gum arabic have
already been purchased. The scheme
certainly promises well-Er.
DUMAS fs-Speaking of a belle of
former days, said to a friend, "Poor
MINNIE. de-! Chatting with her the
other day, she brought all my youth
back to me, but, hetas! she did not bring
back hers"
A LITTLE girl in one of our public
schools, the other day, had occasion to
parse the word "angel." Coming to the
gender she stopped dismayed, and asked
her teacher if "there was any men
angels"
In an English race the horse that
comes in second Unsupported the
American. There is nothing small about
John Bull except his ideas Of fairness.
NorristOUn Herald.
We are in receipt of a little song en-
titled, CIVIL My Darling Come Again ?"
Without knowing the exact circum-
stances of the case, we should say that
he probably will, in case YOU can get the
old man to tie up the dog.
GOLDEN sunlight now steals over the
eastern hills and laughs at the ripping
waters, while a girl with a sealskin
sacque sits lonely in her room and won
ders why we can't have cold weather all
the year.-NeW York Express.
EYES," said the Vermont man, "Tm
going to take supper ut the charity fes-
tival tonight, and give them the benefit
Of my 80 cents, and I won't eat any din
ner, so that I can have a big appetite
for the supper Boston Post
THERE are some things that a man
can't put up with. When he falls out of
a second-story window on to a picket
fence, to have his wife come out and ask
him If he is hurt, is more. than any man
can stand and not get mad.-Boston
Post.
A PENNSYLVANIA man ate thirty mince
pies in n hour, on q wager, and died
the next day. He might have known it.
If he had sandwiched in forty boiled
eggs and twenty-six pickles his life
might have been saved.-NeaC York En-
press.
A LITTLE Cincinnati school girl, who
was playing "Pussy wants a corner"
and who had in her mouth the tube of a
toy whistling balloon, in calling to a
companion drew the balloon into her
throat, and wa stranglsd in three or four
minutes.
ROBINS and bluebirds and white skirts
and oyster cans and dead cats have made
their appearance in Detroit, the same as
if it was April, and the croakers in the
water-holes sing: "Sing hey, the merry
bullfrogs that We are."-DetrOn Free
Press.
NOTHING surprises a young man more
than the shape of his head as he sees it
for the first time after his hair has been
cropped close. His ears appear to be
out of place, and there is q general on
necting-llnk look about him that he did
not expect.
A LADY passenger, whose baby had
kept up q dismal anil incessant bawling,
alphabetically observed to a gentleman
in the next seat: 81 hope you like
children, sir 2" 81 do, indeed" was
the reply, "but I like 'em corked up
AndreWs' Bazaar.
AN intoxicated individual walking
down street the other day was somewhat
annoyed by q crowd of urchins following:
Turning about and steadying himself, he
exclaimed what hic) dyer take
INC lhlc) lof, young uns, u inlcI hnhu
organ ?"-NesobmrYpOrt Herald.
"How do you like the new Minister"
asked a lady of her little girl. ooh! he
is splendid! I like him ever so much
better than I did Mr.. Edwards"
"Why?" asked her mother. "Well,"
said the child, trying to think of a good
reason, "he has a better complexion!"
"Do you know" said Prince John
Van Buren, at q banquet one evening at
the white house, "that 1 hate long
winded orators at q public dinner when
the toasts are proposed? "Why?"
asked the person addressed. "Oh, it
makes solong atime between the drinks"
Puck. m...u .:
SAYS O foreign ~essayist: "Men of ac-
ton are rarely good and pleasant in
valids. Either they are surly and unso-
cial, burying their faces in the bed
clothes and responding TO kind inquiries
with O grunt, feeling like the beast of
the field, a longitude to hide themselves
from observation; or they are fractions,
irritable, exacting, swearing at the nasti-
ness of the medicine, or the warmth OF
the room, or the ~unsavoriness of Cruel
Stops"
EscHYLUs, q writer of Greek tragedies,
lost his life ON account Of his badness,
eagle, carrying q tortoise in its claws,
having dropped its prey with the view of
breaking its shell upon what it took to
be O rock, but which was in fact the skull
of the great poet. Should On eagle fly
over the parquette of one OF variety
theaters some Sunday night, he would
find such a wealth of bald heads as to be-
come embarrassing, and he wouldn' know
to find ~tortoises enough TO go
around. -C Cincinnati Saturday Night.
THERE is one old fellow who is in no
danger of losing his deposit in the saw
bank from any neglect. He is an
old laborer, q little bit cracked, but fru-
gal and saving. Once a month he goes
to the Bowery savings bank and, before
making o deposit draws out all his money
sum of $1,000 or $3,000-counts it
carefully, and then deposits it again with
a small addition. He wants to be sure
that all his money is there without q
doubt. The bank officers hnmor the old
fellow allow him to draw interest all the
same.-NcW York Letter.
IF you would look upon a picture OF
serene contentment go you to the
butchers, buy o leg Of mutton. and gaze
upon the placid c~ountenance OF the man
Of joints as he trims your meat. Down
comes the ~cleaver, md of goes q two-
pound bit Of your ten-pound purchase;
q pound of here and q half pound there,
and then comes the keen-bladed knife,
which cuts and caryes and cuts n
comes again. Then your ten-pound leg: