davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29
ynlises That Look Alike.

If the trunk manufacturers do
not quit making so many thousands
of valises exactly alike, somebody
is going to got into some awful
trouble about it some time, and
some trunlzmaker will be sued for
damages enough to build a court
house.
The other day an omnibus full of
passengers drove up town from the
Union depot, Side by side sat
a commercial traveller, named Will
liam Macaby, and Mrs. Winnie c.
Dumbleton. When the omnibus
reached the Barrett house the COM
mercial missionary seized his valise
and started out. The lady made a
grab after him and he halted.
81 beg your pardon" she said,
"but you have my valise."
"You are certainly mistaken, ma
DAM" the traveller said, courteous
/ ly but firmly, "this is NINE"
"No, sir" the lady replied, 1T is
mine, know it among thousand.
You must not take it,"
But the traveller persisted, and
they came very near quarreling
Presently one of the passengers
pointed TO twin valise in the ON.
nibus, and asked.
Whose is that 7"
at isn't my valise," said the
traveller; ait is just like it, bu'
this is mine"
"And it isn't mine," said th'
lady she has mine, and I'll have
. the law on him. It's pity if {
lady can't travel alone in this coun
try without being robbed of he
property in broad daylight"
, Finally, the traveller said h
would open the valise to prove hi
: property. The lady objected q
first, saying she did not want he
valise opened in the presence c
/, strangers. But as there was n
= other means of settling tho disput
y she at length consented. Th
s traveller sprung the lock, opene
d the valise, and the curious crow
4 bent forward to SEQ.
On the very top of eyerythin
e lay big flask, half full Of whisk.
= a deck of cards, and one or tw
other things nobody knows tn
s name Of.
MADAM" he said, you ar
% right. The valise is yours. ! ow
y you a thousand apollo"
But the lady had tainted, an
the traveller reloclSed his vali'
r with quiet smile.
Il Early in the afternoon a sig
= painter down town received a no
n in a feminine hand asking him
N come 10 tho Barrett house to ma
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

A poor cornet got his skull frac-
tured. and was told by the doctor
that his brain was visible. lie
replied: Write and tell my faith
err, for he always swore | had
none"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

An unfortunate indianapolis man
who lost several toes by a car
wheel, was consoled by an Irish
man near 10y with; whist, there
you're making more noise than
MANY a man I've seen with his head
off"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

Prof. Proctor says the earth is
5OO,OOO,0OO years old. And we
believe him. Almost every day we
come across joke that is every
whit as venerable as that.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

"Annie, is it proper to say this
ere, that 'ere?" "Why X, Of
course not" "NVell, | don't know
whether it is proper or not, but l
feel cold in this ear from that air"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29
JENNIE'S FALSITY.

Yes, IL is true aul SO4u6 ~
marry jeanette Baldwin. And that
settles it, as far as you or anybody
else besides Jennie and | are con-
cerned.'
Mr.. AmOry Arlington brought
his substantial fist emphatically
down on the desk, at whose end
his nephew and namesake sat, and
with whom Mr.. Arlington had been
discussing the rather sudden and
surprising announcement he had
made of his engagement to Miss
Baldwin.
Certainly, uncle Amoryj your
own and the lady's decision settles
it, and no oue-and assuredly not
has any desire to dispute your
happiness. Only as a matter OF
mere opinion, l should have thought
that you would have chosen for
your wife a lady at least-young-
erw
Mr. Arlington, junior; spoke
very quietly, not a little sarcastic
cally, and Mr.. Arlington, senior,
frowned wrathfully,
Young What Go boys of your
age and experience in women know
Of the time of woman's life when
young is to be applied to her
Jennie is what / and any other
sensible man calls in the very flush
and hey-day time She's just
twenty-eight-rich, rare, ripe, juicy
anything you please to apply tc
mature, mellow perfection
Young Arlington shrugged hi
shoulders.
"As l said, it is q mere matter o
opinion, my dear uncle. II Mis-
Baldwin suits you, and you ar
pleased, all right. Nevertheless
| hope you will not find her want
ing in those very attractions yo
so much admire, when you come t
weigh her in the balance
Mr.. Amory Arlington scowle
under his heavy, handsome brows
"What do you meant
Young Arlington lighted his c
gar coolly enough as he rose TO g.
II don't know that there is an
truth in it, you know, but poop
say curious things about her ros
cheeks and handsome eyebrow
and"
The elderly gentleman waved b
hand dignifedly.
"There, that'll do, you won
gain anything by trying to TT
Jennie down. It's perfectly natu
al you should feel disconsolate
the prospects of the estate "
hoped to inherit, going to my (
ture wife and-ahem !-famil,
but it will pay even worse to
around trying to traduce Nj
Baldwin"
And young Mr. Arlington we
away disgustedly, thinking what
precious bewitched old fool his u
Gle was while Mr.. Arlington, Sc
Tor, lighted another cigar, and 81
tied comfortably among the Gus
ions OF his Turkish chair, chuc
ling to himself:
"If that monkey headed you
nephew of mine don't beat all.
ever heard such a silly opinion
he dares express--to my very ia
too. Why, God bless my sor
don't l know Jennie's all rigl
Don't we board in the same hot
and don't / see her at all times
under various circumstances
Stuff and nonsence. The idea
Jennie's fresh color and jetty e.
brows being the work Of art
Don't know she's glorious fl
and blood reality and whit
more, don't ] know she thinks
the world of me, and not my m
sy as some people have tried
make me believed"
A very sslf-satisGed smile was
bis face, ~ he rose to leave
Office.
"Four o'clock, and / promi
Jonnl, I'd be there at Eve, sba
% ~ ~ ; drive 10 tho park.
81 - - = =
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

Native to stranger: ave have
always an east wind in Galveston"
"But | see the wind right now is
in the west" ooh, that's the east
wind coming back, you know.
"Ab :"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

The damp Ncnther and chilling winds @, ~.
approaching season subjects all TO exposure, 20"
matter how healthy, VIC are none the less sustep-
tible TO an attack of Coughs Colds, Bronchitis,
Pleurisy Splitting of Blood, Catorrh of the head,
which II not promptly attended 20 ends m Con-
sumption.
Towns Bronchial Syrup is positive eurs. With
Int the nominal cost Of rs cents you procure On.
truly sovereign remedy.
Bronchial Syrup is guaranteed by al dTags.sl'
and dealers In medicine 70 give entire satisiacloh'
TRY IL and be convinced of its real mort
Narossus Liver and Anti-Billous Compound
cures all Liver and Bilious diseases, purihca the
HOOD. caualizes the circulation and restores 90
perfect health the enfeebled system.
FARRAND, WILLIAMS "a CO.,
Agents, Detroit.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

An ordinary woman's waist Is
thirty inches around. An ordinary
mans arm is thirty inches long.
How admirable are thy works, O,
Nature.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

When a man says 81 hear a
noise" it probably mover occurs to
him that there is nothing in this
wide world that anybody can hear
but q "noise."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

II an uutruth is only day old
it is called lie If it is year old
it is called q falsehood but if it is
a century old it is called legend.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

A man i, considered fit for poll
ties when he has failed at every
other trade.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29
Paw YOur Faxes.

Notice is hereby given, that will DO in my Of
flee during the month of December, for the pur-
pose of receiving taxes on the state and county
Roll for 1850. ana on all taxes paid during the
month OF December n fee OF one per cent VIII DC
added to the original tax and on all taxes re-
naming unpaid on the first of January, 1851, n
fee Of four per cont. will be added. .,.,,,v
X. NJ. DONNELLY,
ASS City Treasurer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29
Tenders for Wood.

Sealed tenders will 30 received by the under
signed until the first day OF January, 1851 for
Furnishing the Union school District Of tho city
Of Alpena with 100 cords Of sound beach and ma
pie body wood, cut from live timber wood 70 De
four feet long and delivered in such places within
said city as may be designated by the Board OF
Education Each tender must be enclosed IN a
sealed envelope, and marked on the outside,
Tender for Wood" security Tor ialthlW per-
Torrance of contract will be required.
A. Il. MCDONALD,
Secretary OF Board of Education.
Dated. Alpenn. Dec. 3, 1850.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29

a leather valiss in black letters
foot and half long.-Hawkeye.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-12-29
The Best Paper. Try 1t
BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED,
36th YEAR.
THE
Scientific American.

The Scientific American is large lrst-class
weekly newspaper OF sixteen pages, printed IN
the most beautiful style, profusely illustrated
with splendid engravings, representing the new
est inventions and the most recent advances IN
the arts and sciences including new and interest
ing facts in agriculture, horticulture, the home
health medical progress, social science, natural
history geology astronomy. The most valuable
practical papers by eminent writers IN al depart
ments OF science, will he found In the Scientific
Terms, $500 per year, 81 co half year, which in-
cludes postage Discount tOHFents Single copies
ten cents Sold by all newsdealers. Remit by
postal order to Mum s. Co., publishers ~ Park
Row New York.
PATENTS. With h the S? eslsStias
American Messrs. Mum & 20. are solicitors OF
American and Foreign patents, hove had 80 years
pxIerience and now have the lPrgest establish
ment in tho world. Patents are obtained on the
best terms. special notice ~ made in the Sci
entifo American OF Az raven ions patented
through This agency, with the name aud residence
Of tho natentee. BY the immense circulation
thus given, public attention TO the merits of the
new patent and sales or introduction often easily
effected.
ANY person who has m0do n lew discovery or
invention, can ascertain, froo Of charge, whether
a patent can probably b9 obtslned, by writing
10 Mum 4 Co. We also send free our hand book
about the patent laws, patents, caveats, trade
marks, their costs, and how procured, with hints
! for procuring advances on Inventions. Address
/ for tho paper, OF concerning pate ats.
MUM & co,
81 Park Row, New York
Branch Office, cor =. & 1'h sts., Washington, ID c
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05
An Electric stove.

AN electrical stove has astonished
the natives of Valley View Staticn in
the Far West. The proprietor rece2t-
ly undertook to put some wood in the
cooking range, and received such an
electric shock that he dropped the.
litter and staggered back with an ex-
clamation of surprise. His wife then
attempted to take a stew-pan from the
fire, and fell to the floor. About this
time the hired hands came in to get
dinner, but it was found impossible to
take anything off the stove. Charley
Palmer, the stage-driver, attempted to
manipulate coffee-pot from the stove
and sprang two feet in the air with
yell of pain. Con Dense thought it
would be the easiest thing in the world
to move the pot of cabbage, when he
was landed in the corner of the room,
and made no further attempts. The
stew-pans were finally removed from
the stove by Mr.. Curtis, who encased
his hands in sheepskin gloves. Many
theories were advanced to account for
the presence of SO much electricity
Mr.. Curtis finally observed that the
current was the strongest during the
prevalence of high winds, and this led
him to infer that the electricity was
generated from windmill, which was
about fifty feet from the house. The
fluid reaches the stove pipe by the
means of wire which is fastened to
the windmill. When the windmill
stops there is no electricity in the
stove, but after it makes half dozen
revolutions it is not safe to handle uten-
sils on the range.-M. Y. Tribune.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05
A Jolly Wedding.

In Central America lisa country called
Towka, and without doubt the Tow
kans, whatever else they may be, are
the jolliest people in the world at q
wedding. They appear to be such an
ignorant race as to be unable to keep
record of the age of their children, ex-
cept in manner somewhat similar to
that adopted by Robinson Crusoe with
his notched post for an almanac. The
Towkans, however, do not notch their
children. They hang round their necks
at birth a string at with one bead on,
and at the expiration of another year
they add another bead, and SO on, the
main object being seemingly that there
NAV be NO mistake when the young
people arrive at manageable age.
When girl numbers fifteen beads she
is manageable, but the young man
must possess necklace of twenty be
fore he is reckoned capable of taking
on himself so serious q responsibility
But the wedding feast is the thing.
The invited guests assemble on what
answers to our village green, and Sc
in their midst is canoe, the property
of the bridegroom, brimming with
palm wine, sweetened with honey and
thickened with crushed plantains. The
drinking cups are calabashes, which are
set floating in the fragrant liquor, and
seated round it the company fall to-a
mark Of politeness being to drink out of
as many calabashes that have been
drank out Of by somebody else as posi-
BILE. It should be mentioned, however, to
the Towkan's credit, that his bride is
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05

of engagements. A young Frenchman
"a journalist, we regret to say-en-
gagged himself to fair tobacconist who
enchanted him while putting up for
him package of cigars. At the re-
quest of her admirer and betrothed
the fair one sold her business
and retired to the elegant seclusion of
q convent to await the removal of
some family difficulties which stood
in the way of their marriage. She
also loaned him five hundred francs.
For months he wrote to her with praise
worthy frequency and ardor. Sudden
ly he ceased; and in a few days she re-
ceived a copy of the journal on which
he was employed with a black-bordered
announcement of his death. BY the
same mail she received a letter from
his brother confirming the announce
ment in the paper, with the additional
information that her deceased affianced
had not left a penny of fortune. Re-
turning to Paris, the young lady re-
ceived the condolences of her friends,
and gradually became resigned. Then
she endeavored to get the five hundred
francs from the brother of the deceased,
but was Indignantly repulsed. As she
left the house she came face to face
with the deceased himself, who had
planned this little stroke for the pur-
pose of escaping matrimony and pay
ment. It breaks the force Of the prov
erb somewhat, but truth compels the
statement that in the end the imam
agement'' was not successful. The
courts gave the young woman four
thousand francs for lacerated affections
and the loss of her money. That is to
say, they gave her an order on the
young man for that amount, and he must
either pay it or 60 to prison. Detroit
Free Press.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05
How they Manage In France.

THEY always did manage these
things better in France" One of the
things they manage better is the utiliza-
ton of fine clothes. In America the
owner of rich dress or sealskin sack
wears it only upon occasion, and during
the rest of the time it is hanging idly
and aimlessly in WARDROBE or closet.
In Paris, however, no such Incidence on
the part of valuable garments is per-
mitted. When tho owner has no pres
emit use for them, she lodges them at her
pawnbroker's, taking q temporary loan
to be used at the gaming table. The
pawnbroker charges the customary rate
Of interest, and manages to double it by
loaning out the garments for temporary
use during the period for which they are
pledged. Leaning at first hands has
not yet come in vogue; that is, it is not
customary as yet for ladies to lease their
fashionable clothing on "oh'' days
without the Intervention of q broker.
But that will soon come, no doubt; and
when it does the ladies Of America may
well consider the propriety-and econo-
my-of following suit.
Another thing that the French man.
age better-or try tots he breaking
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05
Remarkable Rides.

MORE remarkable rides than the ia
nous ride to York are upon record. By
dint of keeping constantly in the saddle
and having relays of horses all along
the road, the Prince de Ligne contrived
to cover the miles between Vienna and
Paris-over five hundred, as the crow
flies-in six days. This performance
was outdone by the Count de Mantle
nay, who rode the whole distance on
one horse, without dismounting. The
Count, one of the most accomplished
horsemen of his day, was attached to
the mission sent out by Napoleon to
negotiate for the hand of Mary
Louise, and was deputed to carry to his
impatient master the formal consent Of
the Emperor of Austria to the mar
rage, and the miniature of the unwilI-
ing bride-elect. To expedite his jour-,
ney, six of the finest horses in the Inn
perial stables were dispatched to differ
ent places on the route, that the Count
might change his mount; but the Hun
garian roadster he bestrode at starting
went so fast and stayed so well that the
relays were not called into service, and
the matrimonial messenger arrived at
his destination long before he was ex-
pected, but so exhausted that he was
fain to crave permission to be seated i'm
the Emperor's presence as he delivered
up the all-important mission and re-
peated the Archduchess' message to her
future lord. A jeweled snuff-box, sixty
thousand francs, and the good steed he
had ridden, rewarded the Count for his
expedition. The Count de Maintenay's
feat was repeated in 1874 by an Aus
trian Lieutenant, who undertook to
ride his horse, Caradoc, from Vienna to
Paris in fourteen days. He was I'M
lucky enough to lose his way in the
Black Forest, and to waste seven hours,
and was further delayed by an accident
TO his horse; nevertheless, he accom-
plished his task with more than two
hours to spare.-An the Year Round.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05

-Ayoung preacher on his first charge
received a donation, to be put on sala-
ry according to the usual CUSTOM
Among the effects were an old horse
and buggy. The divine was most high,
ly pleased with them; so he concluded
to 90 and see his father. The old gen.
tleman was not so easily imposed on as
the boy. John drove up into the yard
with great gusto. The father looked
at the animal and then at John. "John,
where did you did get that horseP"
queried the father. ''Why, father, my
Pensioners gave it to me-" The old
gentleman laughed mysteriously.
" Father, I don't think you ought to
make fun of that horse. 1t is good
deal better one than our Savior rode
into Jerusalem on over eighteen hum
dred years ago." "Well," replied the
father, II don't know, John; l think it
was the same old horse. "--Mfthodist
Protestant.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-05
A Paris Cab. Drivers InsOlence.

THIS story of cab-driver's insolence
to ladies is told by Mrs. Lucy H.
Hooper:
"One day last October two young
American ladies, both residents Of
Paris, determined to go out calling to-
gether. Being minded to go comfort
ably on their peregrinations, they took
from stand on the Boulevards one of
the four-seated landaus of the Com
pagnie Generate, which vehicles, by the
way, are both handsome and comfort
able, and are drawn by two good
horses, being the SWEETEST kind of
cab that is known to exist in Paris.
They started on their travels, and on ar
irving at the Rue de Ia Pompe at Passy,
one Of the young ladies politely re-
quested the driver to 90 little faster,
as for some time past he had been pro-
ceeding at walk. If you do not like
my style of driving you can get out and
walk, he remarked, very insolently.
On being told to 60, he said, But you
must and shall get OUT and, descend
ing from his box, he threw open the
carriage door with a threatening look
and gesture. The quarter is lonely
one, there was no passer-by in sight, SO
the ladies got out, paid him his fare
and were forced to walk fully q quarter
of mile before finding another car
rage. The father of one of them
wrote at once to the Prefecture of
Police, giving full particulars of the
case. such as the number of the car
rage, the stand where it was taken, the
exact day and hour that it was engaged,
etc. etc. Time rolled around, and the
occurrence was well-nigh forgotten,
when one day. there arrived from the
Prefecture of Police an imposing off,
cial document, setting forth how the
coachman in question had been sought
out and punished according to law, and
had also been forced to refund the
amount of his fare, which would be
kept subject to the claim of the COM
plainant for q year, and if not called
for at the end of that time. would be
paid over to the poor fund Of the quar-
ter. Nothing more systematic or more
satisfactory to tle injured persons
could well be imagined, and presume
the coachman in question will not be so
ready to Dump two American ladies
out ON the high road on another 90
casion."