Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-12-02
Antnuruns aepartmeut,
BADLY CONFUSED.

BADLY CONFUSED.
A Southern paper tells the following: Soon
after the battle of Prairie Grove, Confederate
officers of rank went into the Union army
to negotiate for an exchange of prisoners.
Three Union officers were detailed to negoti-
ate with them. One day, while the commits
sion was in session, an old gray headed, gray
bearded Arkansas farmer walked in and
asked:
SIS this the provo's of6s?"
Some one attempted to explain, but the
old fellow being quite deaf did not under
stand, and said
eyes, I'm good loyal citizen; I've got
my protection papers; I've been and got
paid for my forage. It's all right"
"Look here" said Col. W., of the Union
army, "you had better be careful what you
say about your loyalty; don't you see those
gentlemen over tbere?" pointing across the
table TO where the Confederate officers sat
in their gray uniform.
The old man took outs pair of dilapidated
spectacles, and fitting them on his nose, close
ly examining the gray uniforms with their
velvet collars and brass stars. His hands
trembled violently, and he seemed quite
frightened, but he collected himself and said
to the Confsderates:
"Well, gentlemen, meant no offence. I
don't know-fact is, I've allus been South.
eru man. I've jess got one son, and he is
with Marmaduke. The only other man
grown in my family that's fit for sarvis, is my
darter Sallie's husband, and he's with Rector,
and
Hold on, old fellow" cried Col. w.,
"what about your being loyal citizen ?"
He looked at the other side of the table.
Then he readjusted his spectacles, scanned
the blue coats, took off his handkerchief from
about his neck, blew his nose, leaned both
hands on the table, and said
"Well, gentleman, this is little mixed,
but you just 60 on and fight it out among
yourselves. / can live under any govern.
ment."
Quick ON THE TR1GGER.-"You will please
observe" said old Mr.. Lambwell as he led
us through his school the other day, "that
the boys are required to display the utmost
attention to quietness and discipline, and in q
short time become divested ofthat most annoy
ing disposition to tease each other. In short,
they soon settle down in all tie gravity of
mature years under the wholesome system l
have introduced"
We at this moment arrived in front of
several boys who were standing around q
bucket of water, and one had just charged
his mouth with the contents of tin cup,
while the old gentleman was STOPPING to re.
cover his pen from the floor, when another
passing behind, snapped his finger quickly
beneath the drinkers ear, and caused him,
by sudden start, to eec: the contents of his
mouth over the pedagogue's bald pate. Start
ing upright, with his hair and face dripping,
the master shouted:
"Who did that?"
The party unanimously cried out, "Jim
Gun, sir"
"Jim Gun, you rascal; what did you do
that for ?"
Jim, appalled, at the mischief he had done,
muttered out that it was not his fault, but
that Tom Owens had snapped him.
This changed the direction of old Lamb
wells wrath, and shaking his cane portent-
uously over Owens head, he asked,
"Did you snap Gun?"
The cul prit, trembling with fear MUIR
INJURED:
"Yes, sir; I snapped Gun but I didn't know
he was loaded"
D9- A woman read in paper that the best
way to keep boys in the house in the evening
was to make home cheerful and attractive.
She did so. She purchased games of various
kinds, lit up the parlor each evening, threw
open the piano, invited young people Of both
sexes, and had dances, and music, and re-
freshments, etc. But she didn't succeed in
keeping her two boys home oftener than two
evenings out of possible seven. The moth
er concluded that they must frequent a very
attractive and cheerful place, indeed and
one night she got on their trail, and going up
pair Of rickety back stairs to diDgy, dir
ty third.story room, she found her two boys
and four other youths sitting around dollar.
and-a-half pine table, engaged in a game Of
sx.handed euchre, with candle sticking in
greasy porter bottle which threw ghastly
glare over the scene. She now wonders if there
is such thing as making home too attractive
and cheerful for the boys.