River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1880-05-13
Fun


Fun.
"Lend me your ears" as the mid
night visitor said to Whitaker.
Nutmeg is narcotic, and yet the
people of Connecticut are always wide
awake.
When witty lady is asked her opin-
ion of mustaches, Eer reply is that she
always sets her face against them.
The young man who wants TO get up
with the sun must not sit up too late
with the daughter.
When you purchase fish by the
pound, the scales are always thrown
in.
Why is a rooster standing on fence
like half dollar? Because it's head
ON one side, and tails ON the other.
"Mayhe there isn't any God for the
United States" said Canadian mayor
to Bob Ingersoll, "but there's one for
Canada and you can't have any hall In
this town TO defame him.
"Why, Hans, you have the most
feminine cast of countenance / have
ever seen." 20, yaw," was the reply,
81 know de reason for dat; mine mod
der was woman"
"Meanly-A rich man who had be-
gun life as boot-black happened to
remark that he had taken box at the
opera, and some one meanly asked him
if brush went with it.
When aman gets impatient the truth
will sometimes blossom out. SAID Eli.
tor Jones, throwing down the Weekly
Aruneulator, lob, blast the paperl moth
ing in it worth reading! More'n half of
it stolen bodily from our columns"
"There's passage of scriptur' brud-
dren. thet's impressed me very much;
I've thought ont, and Pm ailnz think
ing ont. Idisremember jest whar it l.,
and ez fur that matter, Just what it Is;
hut you can't tell how much of soils it
is to me on my journey through this
vale o. tears"
When the counting at midnight is ended
And he stands with his hat In his fist,
Whit she lovingly fingers beside him,
TO bid him ta-tal' and be kissed,
How onsy his thoughts of the future
You bet his thoughts he don't speak
He Is wondering how they can manage
To live on six dollars week.
"It was written, "Her dainty feet were
incased in shoes that might have been
taken for fairy boots, but the compositor
made it to read, "Her dirty feet were
encased in shoes that might have been
taken for ferry boats" apd he is no
longer dweller in Chicago, but fugi-
tive IN the land.
A gentleman walked into grocery
store yesterday morning and meeting a
friend made the usual inquiry: whats
The latest news this mornipg?" ~
have Just bought barrel of fl Jur for a
poor woman" "Ab, Just like you;
whom have you made happy by your
charity this morning p "My wife. =
Bangor Wing.
A company of scapegraces meeting q
pious old man named Sampson, one OF
them exclaimed: "Ah, now we are
safe. Well take Sampson along with
us, and then should we be set upon q
thousand Pnilistines, he'll STAY the mall"
"My young friend" quietly responded
the old man, "to do that / should have
to borrow your jawbone !"
A few years ago the States attorney
of northern county in Vermont, al
though man of great legal ability, was
very fond of the bottle. On one occa-
sion an important criminal case was
called on by the clerk, but the attorney,
with owl-like gravity, kept his chair.
''Mr. attorney, is the state ready to
prooeed?" said the judge. "Yes-hic
-no-your honor" stammered the
lawyer; the state is not-in state to
try this case to-day; the state, your
| honor, is drunk p
"'Do l think of you? you ask, dear
est" wrote a husband to his wife. "'Do
| think of you? Yes, / do; especially
when button comes Oft, or ] find a
hole in my stocking" 81 am glad you
think of me, darling" she wrote in re-
ply; 81 used to think great deal of you
when wanted to go to the concert or
theater or when / fell like having a
drive; but since / have found a gentle
man friend who was willing TO take
your place / have not been troubled so
much" He took the next train for
home nursing volcano of wrath in his
bosom the whole distance. 1t is need
less to say that the conflict was short
one; man couldn't stay angry long in
the presence of her sparkling eyes mer-
ry laughter. But he felt that she had
served MIN right, and his future letters
| will dobIless show more appreciation
of her wifely attributes.