The Osceola times., 1880-08-14


Exchanges.
Put HEAD on HIM.
Il was bold, brash census man
Approached lady true:
''Ilow many kids! said he. and she
ut Is my business" and she screamed.
Come here minute, Dhnp
And a burly person came and put
A head on the census man.
Buffalo Express.
THE SKIPPER.
o. skipper, in the home o cheese.
Unc .rtain coy just made to tease;
But seen too OFT, familiar with thy iastc
We pick you up, then drop again in haste
-keOkuk Constitution.
THE BAREFooTED BOY.
There was a small boy went barcfooted,
And ont on The sidewalk he scooted
But, ah, terrible woel
lie stub-bcd his toe,
And, Oh LOrdl how that little boy hootcd
saltwater Lumbeman
BECAUSE WHY.
A street sketch: We should really
advise Old Shoddy, il he must have n
iveried coachman TO drive him about,
not 10 select the handsomest and most
aristocratic-lookIngo one he can find. be-
cause-well, because comparisons are
odious.-Hdrturd LdmDoOn.
WHAT HE'LL SAY.
Robinson (aftcr a long whist bout at
the cub)-"It is awfully late, Brown.
What will you say TO your wiie?"
Brown lin a whisper)-"Oh, | shan't
say much, you know. Good morning.
dear or something of that sort. She'll
say the rest."-Per Exchange.
TOO HIGH.
At n camp meeting a venerable sister
began the hymn, my soul be on thy
guard, Ten thousand foes arise" She
began too high. "Ten thousand" she
screeched, and stopped. "Start her at
five thousand" cried converted stock
broker present.-N. Y. Telegram.
NO GEORGE DEAR.
A curious correspondent, George ]. :"
wants know if editors shears are sharp.
No, George, dear, no; there is nothing
sharp about a newspaper office. People
who drop in to show the editor how to
run paper furnish all that-or would
like IWtlidmsp0H Breakfast Table.
AN INFERENCE.
We infer from careful and not alto
gcther limited observation that 1t is
much easier to be the one who grumbles
at the sordid soul who is quietly drawing
interest on fifty millionJ tour per cent.
governments than it is TO be the one
who does the drawing.-Fuiton Times.
WHERE THEY GO.
Now Mrs. Shoddeigh sendeth TO The
newspaper Office the statement that she
and the Misses Shoddeigh have gone to
the seaside for the summer and then
they hlc away to Slabtown to visit their
aunt Jcrusha Stiggles.-SyrGcuse Sunday
Times.
NOT ALL ENGAGED.
"Why is it," writes Lillian Maud.
poutingly to an exchange, "Why is it
that all the nice men are engaged"
They're not, Lillian. they're not. Several
of us are still in maiden meditation
fancy free. Was there anything IN par.
ticular you wanted TO know for?-Rock.
and Courier.
YOU CAN BELIEVE 1T OR NOT.
81 say, old lady," said a man on a
country road the other day, "did you
see bicycle pass here just now" "No,
| didn't see no kind of sickle, but just
now | seed a wagOn-wheel runnin' away
with man. You kin believe it or not
wouldn't if | hadn't seed it myself
burlington Hdukye.
COULDN'T RUN WITH a COAT on.
policeman-"What do you mean.
fighting here, sir?' Bruiser-"I wasn't
fighting" Policeman-"What dye have
your coat off for, thenW Bruiser-
"Well, you see, knew there was going
TO be row, and | had made up my
mind to run away from il; and | never
could run worth cent with my coat
on.'-BoStoa Transcript.
STRUCK By LIGHTNING.
Exchanges are publishing many funny
incidents connected with taking of the
census. 1t is nothing strange that the
census takers should have some ludi-
crous experience for each one is an in
humor.ator. The young man who
wrote the foregoing was struck by light
ming from a clear sky just as he had
finished. Rome Sentinel.
THEY ALL LOST.
Several strangers entered the town on
Tuesday last, and while waiting for a
train went into a neighboring bar.room
to have something to take A Gagged
squirrel attracted their attention and the
tour placed their fingers through the
wires and bet drinks as to which would
be noticed first. They all lost. Three
lost the drinks and the fourth lost
thumb.-NeW York Dispatch.
now IT WAS MANAGED.
A Sacramento girl was guilty of
mean trick the other day, the relation of
whiCn will cause the blood of every
mother in the land to curdle with hor-
Tor. She clopcd with her Objectionable
lover the same day her mother was en-
amcled, and as the latter was compelled
to remain shut up three days or else
crack all over the couple managed to
get away without pursuit. Omaha
Herald.