Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-05-23
An Amusing Incident.

This story is told Of one of the wealthy
residents of Wethersfeld, and it is
vouched for as true in every particular.
Perhaps it might be little too personal
to give his real name, so for the purpose
of our sketch we will call him Doctor
The Doctor is a solid man in more senses
than one-he is solid in the money and
means and avoirdupois cannot be sur
passed by any man in town, his weight
being close upon three hundred pounds.
He invariably carries awell-stufed pocket
book around with him, and he is blessed
with the happy faculty of holding on to
what he has got. He never heads sub
scription list, though what he might do
in this direction will never be known I'M
til some man with the requisite pluck
can be found to ask him. Almost any
cautious man would prefer to let out that
job to some stranger by the month. He
would not, when at church, consider it an
objectionable sin if the deacon should go
right by him with the contribution box
And he would not be mean enough to
call it back again. But this talk is SUI
perfuous, as the good deacon never for
gets him. But when the contribution
box is showed into the Doctors
face he gives sleepy yawn and
dosen't give anything else. In fact
the doctor may be called a little close.
But on one occasion he astonlshed an old
resident Of the town by an unexpected
streak of liberallty, which we will now
relate. One day his plethoric calf-skin
was missing, and with it $1,000 ID bank
notes. If an electric battery had poured
a broad side down the doctors spinal
column he could scarcely have felt a
greater SHOCK. His hands fairly flew from
pocket to pocket, and his face heightened
and took on lugubrious and sorrowful
air. If he had been a 'poor lone widow"
and the little all had taken wings, the
CONSERVATION could not have been great
er. He lost his mental equilibrium and
was dancing around on the ragged edge
of despair. Finally he bethought HIM
self of visit he had made that morning
to Billy Wells on Wolcott hill where he
went to look at pig. The doctor rea.
soned that his lost pocket-book was IN
the pen against which he leaned. He as
sumed that it would be an easy matter
for it to drop out of his pocket with his
body thrown forward in the manner it
had been. It was think and 60 with
him. He clambered into his old
lumber box wagon. and headed his IN
tanned Bucedhalus toward Bills Wells.
He only thought of that well-stufed pock-
et-book at the bottom of the hog pen, and
in his minds eye he saw that big old SOW
grunting with satisfaction as she poked
and rooted his bank notes about. He
lashed his horse into run, and the good
people of Whethers wondered what the
matter was as the Doctor Numbered by
at John Gilpin gait. The Doctor lost
his hat when opposite the post-ofice, but
he did not stop to pick it up. From this
point he went bareheaded, and the old
horse did credit to the breed. He must
have been descendant of Eclipse; at all
events, the record he made in that old
lumber-box with three hundred pound
driver, eclipsed by far anything he ever
attempted before. On reaching his des-
tination he rushed to the pen, expecting
to see the wreck of his pocket book scat
tered around the pen. But he was dis
appointed. Not sign was there.
by Godfrey the Doctor exclaimed,
''the old SOW has swallowed it WHOLE"
Then Mr.. Wells appeared on the scene,
and ina moment the excited Doctor cried
out, "What'l IL you take for that sow9'
ooh, l don't know moderately re-
sponded the other.
81 don't want any don't knows about
it." roared the Doctor. "Whatll you
take for the SOW say?"
81 don't know as want to sell it," re-
piled Mr.. Wells, who evidently didn't
understand the situation.
''You must sell it. Set your own price,
but must have that SOW" pleadingly
argued the Drctor. At this Mr.. Wells
thought the Doctor had gone crazy and
tried to soothe him. But this only made
the old fellow more angry and excited,
and he almost danced over the quiet man
ner of the other.
"Set the price, he shouted, "set the
price, I say"
"But I don't want to sell it,
"And 1 say you must. I'll give you
any price for it."
"Well, then, say $75," and Wells eyes
twinkled merrily as he named it, suppos-
ing the price would cool the Doctors
ardor And he was astonlshed at the
reply:
"1'll take it. Now kill that hog" was
the prompt reply.
Mr.. Wells now knew he was crazy, and
again tr1ed to curb his excitement. But
this only added fuel to the flames. The
doctor fairly foamed with excitement and
it seemed like the froth of a lunatic.
Kill that hog, say" again Numbered
the doctor. "She will digest it if you
DON'T
go, come, get into your wagon and
ride home with me;' soothingiy suggest
ed Wells.
"Good graciousl Bill Wells, do you
think l am crazyG l tell you that hog
has swallowed my pocket book with
$1,000 in it, and if you don't hurry up
and have her killed I'll lose every dollar
of it,
Mr.. Wells still looked on in silent as
constituent.
my Christian friend, will you kill that
hog?' and he rammed his hands down
into his overcoat pockets with such force
tho + ha 1icoouorod q bolo ~, ono Of 4bo