Morning journal and courier., 1880-05-17

We warn all Nihilists that they need not shoot us. We have adopted Melikoff's plan, and had all our shirts ironed.-Philadelph Bulletin.
 When Webster said ''there is always room at the top," he was not referring to the ad- vertising page of adaily newspaper Bridge ton News.
 ''What do you suppose we'll say when we meet in heaven, George? ?' said she ''Why, you'll say, q told you so. I just knew how it would be up there.'"
 young Oil City chap stood in back win dow yesterday and waved his hand and threw kisses at a window in another yard for an hour and half before he discovered that the supposed waving handkerchief was shirt hung on @ clothes-line in the attic.- Oil City Derrick.
 A Vallejo father told his charming daugh- ter lately that she must not listen to fatter- CTS. But, papa" she replied, Chow can I tell that they fatter me unless I do listen ?" f'Tur-rue- ue-tur-rue daughter" and he leaned over the end of the piano and commenced to think.-Vallejo Chronicle.
 A new Welch Greenback paper in the West says: 'EEmedan detta blad blir en advokat af den fnenciella teori som besja lar Greenback partiet.'" This is another campaign islander that should not be permitted to go unre buked. We happen to know that nothing of the kind ever occurred. Herald.
 A cross-eyed woman for twenty-seven years kept an apple-stand in New York She was so homely that she only sold two apples during all that time. She has fallen heir to five million pounds, in the Bank of England, and now the poor woman has to keep eight servants to open marriage proposals.-New York Express.
 Tender Wife-''Say, look here. I've got to have velvet skirt right off-got to have it. This old thing is all worn out actually threadbare down the front" Brute of Husband-Just the thing, my dear. All the rage Fashion item says velvet skirts will be very much worn this season. Sand paper the back of your dress and you're set ting the style.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 Riding in a railroad car. Husband 'eYou are quite comfortable, dear p ''Wife: 'sYes, love ?n Husband s'The cushions are easy and soft, ducky ?" Wife: ''Yes, darling Husband: 'eYou don't feel any jolts, pet ?' Wife, ''No, sweetest" Husband: And there is no draft on my lamb is there, angel ?" Wife: ''No, my dearest own.' Husband: ''Then chdngse eats with me!''
 At one of Mrs. S-'s dinner parties ''sweet girl graduate" of one of our high schools, daintly pecking at the deicacies on her plate, overheard gentleman opposite mention the name of ''Dr. Hervey." q beg your pardon, Mir. B." said she sweetly, sebut do you refer to the distinguished phi lanthropist who invented the circumlocution of the blood ?" MT. B. attempted to say he did, but uttered mouthful of soup in stead.-San Francisco Argonaut.
 It is wonderful what fools boys are. A charming widow of our city owns a nice boy, and a man from St. Paul wants to be appointed deputy father to the lad It was only last Sunday that while the St. Paul man was strolling down Chestnut street with the lad, he asked: ''Bub, does your mother bang her hair ?" and that foolish boy an- swered, "Oh, no but you ought to see her bang dads head. Guess the minister didn't know everything when he told pap to prepare to die. Preparel why he was aching to die."-Stillwater Lumberman.