The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1880-06-24
Editor Bapshot's Asslstant.

ness. leaVluy the "UntOn III the
hands Of an assistant who had beou
in his employ some timo.
Now the colonel knew that said
assistant had the cheek of brass
statue, and the aulacity ofn Now
England Ay, both indispensable at.
tributes of tue newspaper man bnt
still, after being in tho city about a
week bo began to grow uneasy, aud
telegraphod TO Caodunk -
CLOVIS things
Back came tho answer from the
I"Unoin's" wbilon editor -
"Bullyl Circulation Of tho old
things gone up n Thousand. Been
getting upa reJ.hot paper, AMI
there's gang outside that are
weeping because they cent hoist the
shingles OF the roof aud knock the
whole concern to thunder. Stay
away rs loug as you like"
Bagshot didn't waste q moment
after receiving this encouraging dis
patch.
Ho started home in the first train,
and reached Chodunk before night.
The first man that struck him was
the ticket agent.
"Look here, colonel T. he cried.
excitedly, I've q darued good notion
to punch your hoad you brazen-
faced old liar"
| .aNNt,,, q" ,,i,ol n,-.L1k
"tead that T. aud the ticket agent
showed crumpled "Union" into bis
hands.
There was a paragraph, marked
as follows:
"Rdiiroad Ne,os.-Tho bandy
legged idiot who robs the railroad
company at this village has purchas
cd new pocket knife. .uore knock
ing down from the cash drawer
Bagshot bit his lip.
"Bill," said he, that's calumny,
and I'll see it righted in our next.
It's NY cussed assistants work"
II don't care whose work it is,
growled the agent, but il il amt
contradictej, somebody's got to die
that's ALL
Bagshot didn't reply, but sailed
down the street to the Union Of
dee.
Ho had not gone half block bo-
fore he collided with Deacon Marsh.
The deacon seizol him by tho
shoulder aud exclaimed -
"What do you mean, Bagshot, by
inserting that scauialously untrue
item about me ~
"Didn I iusert any itom,' replied
the colonel.
Don't sneak ont Of it in that
way You know you did. Why
Just cnt out Of the "Uuion lis
ton -
'R.iiyiOus Intelligence That
whited sopulchre, Deacon Marsh
was noticed, last Saturday night
trying to open the c,al-hole in front
of his residence with his night key
The deacon was full as q goat, anj
couldn't tell moonshine from greor
cheese."
snow that's nice, amt IT, saying
that | was intoxicated Saturday
night, when I went to bed at seven
with raging toothache =
ats that reckless fool whom
left in charge" groaned the colonel
"Ill mako it all right, Marsh" and
Bagshot scurried on again, only to
be confronted by Major Blim,
"Colonel T. uttered Blim, in bis
deepest voice, "this is villainous
It's my intention, sir, to call you out
and shoot you through the heart
What the duce do you moan by pub
fishing this note in the "Union s.
"Miiitary Jottiags. Major Blim
the tattered old beggar, who hid in
an oyster barrel during the battle Of
Bull Run, wears wig. lie ought
to be shot in the back with o baken
apple"
IL cant help it, Blim," said Dag
shot, wiping his forehead, "Its oil
owing to that young devil in the
Office. He has made q red-hot pa.
per. just wait, major and Ill 6z
things"
Then Bagshot started again. BY
the postofiice old Parker grabbed
him.
"Oh, you unfeeling ghoul !" wall
ed Parker, "you ought to be rode
rail. The idea of making fun Of my
roor, dead child !"
SLOW I"
"How | Have you The cheek to
ask how Maybe you didnt shove
this into "Union," did you, you
heartless hypocrite":--
"oBlTUAaY."
"Littls Bennie Parker
| Had stomsch pain.
| Rhubarb aud ipecao
Both we're In vain
| He kicked the golden bucket.
| His parents hearts ere sore /;
| They'll bury him tomorrow.
| Ats quarter Of four"
i or course Bagshot had to explain
and promised the bereavsd fathel
"a two-column notice Of the dead
Bennie's many virtues.
Hardly had he done 80, before
young Cooley appeared.
1 "Colonel Bagshot, announced he
"you're Q lying scoundrel. This Il
nice thing TO put in your black