The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-07-31
JOSH BILLINGS ON THE PLEASURES
OF A WATERING PLACE.

Dear Unele II take my pen in hand
to inform you how much like Long
Branch. arrived Here just in time to
see the Atlantic Ocean, which is now on
exhibition, and doing good business
to full house. went in Immediately
and was thunderstruck to find the water
high seasoned. inquired the cos, of
an intelligent native, and he informed
me he didn't care. 1t is perfectly heart
rending to see young females here in
search Of natural protectors. | counted
I6 yesterday in one beautiful group
They all sighed as passed by them.
felt sorry for them, but could not help
them, for am thoroughly married, and
intend to keep so. Shoddy and petro-
leum are both here, but they say, shant
remain long. Yesterday went out
grabbing and got wagon load of them.
One of them bit my fingers. Nature is
fond of joke, and she must have felt
full when she made a soft shell crab
The strangest emotion Of crab is to
bite. They amt afraid to bite. They
have two sets of legs, which are located
on the back part OF their person. They
are said to be good eating, but | won't
say SO. They have spoon-like teeth.-
1t would bother stranger to make up
his mind where to begin. Itwould look
like trying to make warm meal out of
a rat trap that was sot. They are billed
in 4 pot, about two bushels of en-, till
they stop biting, and then they are con-
sidcrcd done. They're ct by throwing
away the body. Eating crabs is good
deal like getting the meat out OF grass
hopper hind legs. don't know but
4 light eater might sustain life on EN-,
but he would have to work all day to do
it. Crabs bite with their feet. and hang
on like country cousin. They also
have bug here which has long body
and sharp nose, called the muskecter.
They travel around very loose and seem
to know everybody. The muskecter by
lung practice has learned to bite, too,
but they bite with their nose, and their
bite feels like the back tooth of hornet.
We are told there wan nothin made in
vain, but have thought that the time
spent in manuiacturin muskeeters might
have been wasted, il the muskeeter
want. And how they are put together
| never could tell. There's one com
mercial peculiarly about the muskeeter
trade. and that is the supply always cx-
cecds the demand. They are born of
poor, but industrious parents, and have
in their veins some Of the hest blood in
the country. II is very easy to kill
muskeeter, il you can, but in striking
at him you are apt to hit the exact spot
where the muskeeter was. They are
very courageous ] have known 4 single
muskeeter TO fight man and his wife
all night long, and draw the first blood
They are cheerful little creatures, sing
ing rs they toll.
The bathing is very plenty here, and
the bathers resemble mermaids-half
man and half woman. They all dress
in the pantaloons costume, and, when
they emerge from the Atlantic ocean,
you can't tell which is who, unless YOU
ask them. After bathing you feel kind
of disconsolate feeling, for which was
advised TO bathc internally-in some
whisky, and | took one small wash
about 4 tumbler full, and never felt SO
much like lifting in all my life. thought
| could lift an acre of that sand and tried
to do it, but after the whisky left ME,
hadn't strength enough to ask small
sized dog TO follow me.
There's but one church here and i,
will hold so few that nobody don't go
on account of politeness.
There is two large hotels and each
room is furnished with cracked wash
bowl and wet towel. Dinner is brought
forward at O'Clock and opens with soup
and shuts up with huCkleberries.-
Huckleberries is the ruling passion at
Long Branch. Flies simply considered
are good deal like many other people.
They won't light ON a good, healthy
spot, il they can find one that is raw.