The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1880-06-04
TALKING THROUGH THE TELEPHONE.

TALKING THROUGH THE TELEPHONE.
MARX Twain in Atlantic Monthly.]
consider that q conversation by
telephone-When you are simply sit
ting by and not taking part In that
conyersation-is one Of the s0Iemnest
cariosities Of this modern HE. Aes-
tefday I was writing Q deep articie on
q sublime philosophical subject while
a conversation was going on IN the
room, / notice that one can always
write best whef, somebody is talking
through Q telephone close by. Well,
the thing began In this way. A mem.
her of our household came in and asked
me to have our house put into COM
munication with Mr.. Bagley's down
town. have observed In many cities
that.the sex always shrink from CALL
ing up the central Office themselves.
I don't know why, but they do. So
touched the bell, and this talk en-
sued
Central Once (grufhy)-"Hello !"
r"Is It the Central OfhceT
O. O-ssOf course 1t is. What do you
want Pr
I.-s.win You switch me on to the
Bagleys, please ?''
G. O-"An right. just keep your
ear to the telephone" q
Then I heard q k-look, k-look,
k-look- klook-kl look. cookbook !!
then q horrible "gritting' of teeth,
and finally piping female voice.
"Y-e-s?" (Rising inflectfon.) "Dfd
you wish to speak to me?"
Without answering, I handed the
fo1onhnno n tho onY1i00nf and aQt
down. Then followed the queerest Of
all the queer things In this world-a
conversation with only one end to 1t.
You hear questions asked /; you don't
hear the answer. You hear invita-
lions given you hear no thanks In
return. You have listening pauses of
dead silence, followed by apparently
and unjustifiable EXPLANATIONS of glad
surprise, or sorrow or dismay. You
can't make head or tail of the talk,
because you never hear anything that
the person at the other end of the wire
says. Well,EI heard the following re-
markabls series of observations, all
from one tongue, and all shouted-for
you can't ever persuade the sex to
speak gently into a telephone:
eyes? Why how did that hap
pen r''
Pause.
"What did you say ?"
"Oh, no, I don't think it was.''
Pause.
emo! Oh, no, din't mean that. 1
meant, put 1t in while it is still boil
ing,-or just before 1t comes to boil"
Pause.
"What 2''
Pause. .,
81 turned 1t over with a back stitch
on the selvage edge"
Pause. H.
eyes, 1 like that way, too; but 1
think it's better to base 1t on with Va
Tenderness or bombazine, or some
thing of that sort. 1t gives 1t such an
air,-and attracts SO much notice."
Pause. ..-..-.
ats forty-ninth Deuteronomy, sixty
fourth to ninety-se venth inclusive. l
think we ought all to read 1t often"
Pause.
"Perhaps SO; I generally use a hair
PIN"
Pause.
"What did you say? [Asilel Chill
dren, do be quiet"
Pause.
ooh B fiat Dear me, I thought
you said 1t was the cat I"
Pause.
ssSlnce when p"
Pause. tr-.-
"Why, never heard of it."
Pause.
sYou astound me- 1t seems utterly
impoesiblel" Et
ssWho did ?' a-t sE
Pause.
.'Good.ness graciousv'
Pause.
"Well, what is this world coming
too Was 1t right In church ?"
Pause. 1850
'sAnd was her mother there ?''
Pause.
"Why, Mrs. Bagley, I should have
died of humiliation. What did they
do?"
Long pause.
81 can't be perfectly sure, because 1
haven't the notes by me; but think
itgoes something like this: te-rolly- |
loll-loll, loll lolly-loll-loll, Q tolly-loil. |
loll, lee-ly-li-i-dol And then repeat,
you know"
Pause.
"Oh, gum-drops, gum-dropsi But
I never allow them to eat striped can
DIV. And they can't till thew get their