The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-05-29

Solid .UuidoOn.
| The difference between the locust tree and III,
other low. cusscs, is the tree has white blossoms
and the other fellows have red ones-on IheI'
noses. Both are in iull bloom.
| A beautiful young lady, the daughter OF alder
man Dcllet, OF Lancaster, the other might, play
fully threw her arms around the waist OF LADY
friend, and pair Of scissors hanging therciroHi
severed an artery in her arm aud she nearly bled
to death This accident should teach young la
dies that throwing arms around the female waist
is dangerous piece Of business and should be
performed solely by the male sex. The latter are
strong and brave and don't mind having an ar
terry severed now and then for the good OF the
cause.
"Prisoucr at the bar" sand the Judge to the
man on trial for murder, SIS there anything you
wish to Say before sentence is passed upon you ~
Judge" replied the prisoner, solemnly, Judge,
there has been altogether too much said already.
i knew all along somebody would get hurt II
these people didn't keep their mouths shut. II
might as well be me, perhaps, rs anybody else,
Drive on, Judge, and give Us as little sentiment
as you can get along on. can stand hanging,
but hate gush.'
The following purely unprecedented speech
was made by the renowned reformed inebriate
Col Soen at a recent temperance jubilee in In.
diana:
Ladies and gentlemen" said the Colonel
pulling roll OF paper from his jacket, this call
was entirely unexpected. i am not prepared To
speak and didn't know i've minutes before | was
pult nod an that pYnpctpu % ANYTHING
here, 50 merely jottcd down few remarks yes
terday that intended to make You must eY
cusc all blundcrs, AS my speech is entirely i'm
promtu and the manuscript so poorly written
can hardly read it. Drunkenness is terrible
virtue. | have known men, after short career
of dissipation, fill drunkard's grave before they
were three years old. ! have seen rich men pass
the wine cup around their well hled tables and
their poor children crying for a crust Of bread.
You see men on every corner VINO have hlled
drunkurds graves. YuG see men rceling about
the streets who # they had died Of cholera infan.
tum would have starved the saloon.keepers TO
death As Shakespeare says, oh, that man
should put an enemy in his mouth to commit
petty larceny on his brains My hearers, eplury|
bus-cplury bus-my hearers, the squire has
rung in some Greek me and as don't under
stand Latin am Obliged to quit"
THE ILIISOI-S-LOGAS.
There WAS sound Of devitry by day,
Because the Prairie State had gathered then
Its Grant and Blaine men, eager for the fray
They fought and tusslcd furiously, and when
The third term leaders rallied all their men,
And boldly put The unit rule in force,
Their JOY deiied all painting of the pen,
And nothing could they see to stay their course
But bark. what sound is that, so solemn, deep
and hoarsc?
Did sc not hear it? Nc; twas but the breeze,
Or some poor politician in his pain;
On with the game, though Acheron's gulf should
freeze!
No quarter to the frantic friends Of Blaine,
Whom we may safely treat with proud dlsdain,
Since forty .twO the Prairie State will score
For Grant who thus th'imperial prize will
gain.
But bark! that solemn sound breaks in once
more
Beware! it is the rising peoples angry roar.
All, then and there was hurrying TO and fro,
And hasty drinks, and muttcred words of
doabt,
And cheeks all sunkcn, which, an hour ago,
mules heels scarcely could have put to rout
No, IL will never pay to scorn and fOut
The peoples rcs.lutc and earnest voice.
Which soon can break the ranks, however
stout
OF Grant, and all the army Of the boys
Not even Caesar now can force the peoples
choice ". Y. Sun.