davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
A Chinese Tramp.

The first Chinese tramp ever seen in Uti
cs visited that place a few days ago. He
came from the West. There was an un.
mistakable Celestial air about him, pigtai
and all, but the pack fastened on is shoul
der betokened the tramp. When the
heather first attracted attention he WAS en-
deavoring TO run the blockade at the depo,
gate. lie had no ticket, and Mr.. Moyel
declined to admit him to the depot yarc
inclosure.
where is your ticket" asked the gate
keeper.
NO foolee Chinee'
But you can't pass through unless YOU
have ticket"
mo foolee Chinee.'
Officer Evans was summoned TO prevent
the Celestial from breaking the barricade al
the gate '.Where do you want to go p
asked the officer.
'sNo foolee Chinee.''
William Dunn came to the rescue. Wher
he asked the almond-eyed man whether
he had any money, the reply was:
it'.No foolee Chinee."
/ Then the officials experienced considera.
ble trouble with him, and as the tiair
bound East was standing in The yard, Mr.
Vanderhey bought ticket for Frankfort
and rendered it TO the Mongolisn. He de
clined to receive it, shaking his head ant
chuckling:
mo foolee Ckinee.n
Appearances indicated that the foreigner
had padded on foot over the railroad tie,
from some far Western city and after con
sulation with Superintendent Priest tn,
Mongolian was permitted to resume hi
pedestrianiSm on the line of the Central
| lie sc,o.,,, shr'si.h the depo. gate in tri
umpn, s.rucA i Dee-iIne East, and made of
like carrier-pigeon, simply remarking:
mo foolee Chines."
And they didn't.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
A"Cooked" Witness.

1t was suit for divorce, down In Ken
nebeck County, Maine. The husband, a
surely, mean faced, ferret eyed, beetle
browed man, who kept village store, and
sold Hosspecker's Bitters and some other
things, wanted divorce from his wife.
They were both in court. The woman was
sickly looking, and very likely, had been
driven into Mysteries by the brute who
called himself her husband. The principal
witness for the libellant was another beetle
browed, ferret eyed, mean visaged fellow,
who tended store for the latter, and board
ed in his family.
And this witness had been cooked
had been ''done up brown"-by both his
employer and his employers lawyer. 1t
was plain to be seen that he answered by
rote,-that the words be spoke had been
put into his mouth by another. When the
attorney for the wife came to question this
witness, after his own lawyer had done
with him, he SAID to him, with smile
the whole mean: for the jury, of course.
You've got your lesson pretty well,
haven't you, sir."
81 hain't got no Iesson,"
All ioub iCl I'd scS- Ou soy
If understand you, that Mrs. Bias a
very retaliating disposition 2"
''Yes sir,-that's what said"
"Well, and how did she retaliate,
Give us an instance"
why" grunted the witness with a
stupid look, 1--WE teld lots # en-
''Yes,-and now l want you to tell me
one. Tell me, and the jury, if you please,
a marked case of her retaliation"
"My,--rve told you once, was al
ways retaliatin'."
Exactly; but We want particular in
stance, so that we can judge of its real
merits. Now look. Did you ever see the
libellant in this case-your employer-kiss
his wife?n
"Yes, sir;" the man answered quickly.
"And what did the wife do on that oc-
casion!"
''She retaliated, immejitly."
That will do. You may 20 down"
The council for the hbellant would have
called the witness back, but the judge
whispered to him something which nobody
else heard, but which caused him TO let the
witness go.
The dirvorce WAS not decreed.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
A Luckless Tramp.

Some time ago tramp got into the fire
box of stationary engine that was being
shipped on flat car to the Pacific coast
from Denver. By some freak of misfortune
to him careful brakeman closed the fur
mace door on him, and the solitary picnick-
er was alone with his conscience and few
friends that had come along to represent
the National Bug Bureau.
At first he thought it was joke, and he
laughed smothered hysterical laugh, but
as the hours dragged on and he didn't know
whether it was day or night or whether il
was the Fourth of July or eternity. he con-
cluded to attract the attention of the out
side world, so he pounded on the inside of
his cage till his arms ached. He might as
well have tried to get out of fire and
burglar proof safe with corkscrew.
One day, through curiosity, railroad
boy opened the door of the engine furnace
and looked in. The broad sole of an old
boot was turned up at the door, and the
brakeman took hold of it and snatched il
out. 1t was followed by an attenusted
piece of humanity, that ratified around on
the car like an old umbrella.
The bystanders reviewed him and asked
him if he didn't feel hungry. He said be
did feel kind of goneness in the gastric
regions.
An old man. who was then acting treas
urer of the Irish Relief fund, took the jot
of filling him up. That is the reason why
Ireland missed the beneficial effects of thu
relief fund for several months, at tim,
when she needed it worst.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
The willows at st. Helena.

The willow which overshadows the first
Bcnaparte's grave is the second planted
since the interment of the Emperor, and is
26 years old. Willows at st. Helena, it
would appear, rarely attain greater long
evisy than 80 years, and shoots are care
fully preserved for planting. The ex-Em-
press Eugene brought away some young
shoots and few violet and geranium plants
from the tomb, some for presentation to
Her Majesty the Queen, and some for her
self and her friends. This floral cuitus
has been going on for nearly sixty years.
Writing to Lord Bathurst, Immediately
after the interment of Napoleon, Sir Hud-
son Lowe said: Il shall cause a railing to
be put around the whole of the ground, il
being necessary even for the preservation
of the willows, many sprigs Of which have
already begun to be taken by different In
dividuals who went down to visit the place
after the funeral This is the incident
which, as Mr.. Forsythe has well pointed
out, was afterward so ludicrously yet so
mlavolenily distorted by yAntommarchi, who
described Sir Hudson Lowe as turning pale
and foaming at the mouth with rage when
he witnessed this spontaneous manifesto.
ton of feeling" Hudson" as the Italian
surgeon styled Sir Hudson Lowe, endesvor.
ed to check the manifestation OF feeling
by "anger and threats" but the guilty
were numerous, and of all classes of people
and he could not, therefore, punish.
When a new History of Political Lying
comes to be written land is not the time
almost ripe for such publication y a spe
cial volume should be devoted to the vari
ous narratives of the captivity of Napoleon
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
"HoIlerin' docs the Business"

They were holding an outdoor ward meet
ing the other night in Detroit, Michigan,
and speaker had just commenced to
warm up to his work when a stranger with
all his worldly ''duds" in an old sheepskin
on his back, boots gone, hat going and a
dyed-in-the-wool tramp air about him,
halted on the outskirts of the crowd. The
speech soon caught him and he began to
applaud. AT the end of every sentence he
clapped his hands and roared like a fog.
horn. No matter whether the speaker hit
'em' or not, the stranger neve. failed to
come down with the applause, and he car
ried good share of the crowd with him.
After the speaker had finished, and while
he was wiping his heated brow, the tramp
approached him and said:
''That ere speech was one of the best
ever heard IN my life"
"Ah! I'm glad it pleased YOU
"Pleased me! Why il lifted me right
off n my feet! l tell you, you're a born
orator, and l just wish could stay in this
town and hear you make a speech every
night"
"Yes, wish You could"
Dut sndn |, III On NY way Nest-
shall, however, think of your speech hun
dred times day. can feel the electrici-
ty of it yet, and-say, can't you lend me
half dollar to help me on?"
"Why, don't know you. Why should
l lend you half dollarf'
'Oh, come now, don't try to ride any
high horse over me; you know how loud l
hollered, and you know as well as | do,
that if hadn't put in my best lcks you'd
have fallen as flat as shingle. You are q
great orator, sir, and that was a great
speech, but if you don't know that holler-
ing is what does the business, you'd better
hang right up
The orator pondered over the matter for
q few seconds, ant then probably con-
cluded that the reasoning was sound, as he
passed over the money.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
Do Cows Drink Lager:

The pleasure of party of gentlemen
who went on a picnic excursion few days
ago, was seriously marred by the repre-
henslble conduct of COW, which came up
behind the tent while most of the party
were off in boat to catch fish for chow
der, and the rest were asleep, and not only
ate up half-tushel If potatoes that had
been peeled and sliced In readiness for the
pan, but opened box and drank seven
bottles of lager-all that remained of a
case. At least that was the story told the
fisherman when they returned, by the stay
at home portion of the party. There was
quite an animated discussion as to whether
or not a COW would be likely to stopper
lager beer bottles up and return them to
the case after emptying them, and it was
finally decided that COW which would
take bottles out Of a case and open them
would not be very likely to cork up and re-
place them when through.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
"You, Peter, Stop That"

Once there was a very poor woman who
had an only son. She did her best by him
and brought him up as well as she could.
Whenever he did well she praised him, but
whenever he did anything she thought
wrong, for instance playing marbles on
Sunday, stealing apples from their neigh
boris trees, teasing little girls or tying tin
kettles to the cats tail, she used to call
out:
"You Peter, stop that" in peculiarly
shrill tone.
Immediately another voice, sharper
and shriller than hers, would cry out
'You, Peter, stop that"
1t belonged to the yellow parrot who
swung in a big basket-work cage on the
wall. She had learnt the speech by listen
ing to it so often, although she was not a
very accomplished parrot, and knew little
else besides but ''Polly wants cracker, s"
and ''poor Polly" The boy loved his
mother, but he was rather a wild, bad sort
of boy. When he was about sixteen
years old he left the carpenter to whom he
was apprcnliced and ran away to sea.
However, before he went he wrote a note
to his mother, telling her not to worry, that
he liked the sea better than sawdust, and
that nc would come back with cap full
of mcuey some day. Moreover, he told her
the vessel he shipped on-The Jane.
The mother wept and prayed, as all good
mothers do, while he. boy was on the sea;
but she believed that he was, after all, fond
of her, and she expected him back, until
one day she read in the paper that The Jane
had gone down in mid ocean with all her
crew and cargo.
Then it seemed to her that all the light
of The world had been quenched. She
gave herslf up to misery and longed to die.
Indeed, she wsuld have prayed for death
had she not feared that this would be
wicked.
However death spared her, and took in
stead certain cousin who had made a
large fortune, and was shout to be married
to pretty woman, and who was very, very
anxious to live. His death made an heiress
of the poor widow, and though she cared
nothing for the money now she had los,
her Peter, the lawyers made her come oveI
to the reading of the will, and finally per.
suaded her to settle in the handsome house
which was furnished for the poor deat
cousins future wife.
There she lived for several years. Mean
while Peter, who had after all been saved
from the wreck of The Jane, returned
home.
He went straight to his mothers cottage
The poor woman had lived solitary life
When she left her home she had told nc
one why she went. The old furniture she
had sold to tie junk man, and had tsker
noting but her parrot with her, Poor Polly,
who had brought team to her eyes nnct
her boys departure by screaming out
"You, Peter, stop that!"
The neighbors who had lived near th,
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
SUMNER.

There came whisper thron gh the wind-blown
leaves,
That stirred in music underneath the caves.
And futtering breeze and fu.tering fo,is ga
&c med
To watt my thoughts to dresnland a. ]
Dreamed
or Summer.
Taers came food OF Ii yht, 8 flush of bloom.
And roses scattered petals OF psrfume;
And wings of birds and echoes OF their song
Bore every thought in cadence sweet slong
To Summer.
There fsmed in splendor fierce a fervent sun.
And sweet May paled, and sighed my life
is done;
To YOU, o. Sister june. be all lose
And al fsin would gain. if might choose
For Summer"
There stood in meaiow-grasses ankle-iee
One who awakened from her maiden sleep,
And waking. turned to me with smile divine,
And blushing let her hand clasp close to mine
In Summer.
And sll the golden sunlight rained its gold
On tresses bright as any ray they hold,
And all the fervent splendor of the day
Wore fsirer splendor than in sky and ray
OF Summer.
For wha: is earth if love be not our day +?
And what is love if love care not to stay,
An 4, staying, seal our hearts in dreamle rest;
And resting thus who dreams and is not bles
In Summer
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
Recoliections of the Caravan.

''When was youngster," remarked
Mr.. Smiley, as he stood gazing at the bill
board, ''they used TO have 'caravans-
Them were to some purpose. remember
old Bets, the first elephant that ever
crossed the Atlantic. They used to travel
with her in the night and show her next
day in the tavern barn. She was sensi-
BILE old critter. She didn't try to make sr
acrobat of herself and balance o. the top Of
a cider barrel. Not much. She took al
the peanuts and cookies and wiped the fel
lows across the face who gave her plug to
bacco. She tended strictly to business.
But l was speaking Of caravan They
always had their show in the tents and no,
on the fences with colored pictures. Lion,
and tigers and monkeys and rhinocerose'
used TO interest the boys then without any
perversion OF the Scripture quotations such
as they have nowadays I'd give nine
pence to see such show again, but nevel
SHALL" And turning away from th'
deceitful pictures, with sigh, just as th'
head of the circus procession came in sight
the old gentleman hobbled after the mas
sive golden car of Melpomene' three-q quar-
tiers of mile, bought q ticket to the BIZ
show and paid seven little boys into tn
side show.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
HIS Moneys Worth.

a stranger With an aggressive nat and 8
genial flavor of hayseed drew up before
Officer Dean on Broadway, New York and
put his arms around akimbo.
''Be you one o ther perlice?" he in
quired.
81 be-" answered the blue coat senten.
tIously.
''You're pooty well posted bout thing:
in general, 'spect."
The officer admitted he did know q thing
or two. The stranger looked all the more
gratified
I've KEN deown t York." said he, ct
hev an ALFRED, bustin' time Wot won't.
a little recreashun, see! l don't car bout
stumbin' gin perfeshunal fistist, but I'd
jest like t buy G slice of neat little row,
whar' feller kin gouge and bite some and
amt tied down by emmy cussed rules.
Thar amt no rstpits, nor dog -fightin' places
bout yer, is thar, whar' little diffikilty
could be riz 2"
The officer told him that he had better
get an almanac or indicator, but said that
he thought that with four fingers more of
the last whisky he had been drinking he
might be easily accommodated. The
stranger thanked him heartily and with.
drew.
About four o'clock the following morn.
ing the same officer found a man tied up
in knot on the corner of Wayerly place.
lie tried to undo him, and when he had
pried the hat back from his nose the stran-
ger of the previous night emerged. He
was quite drunk, there were bumps all over
his head, and he looked as if he had been
shaved with buzz-saw.
''Thenkee, ole fell'r' he said gratefully.
''Thankee. He'd Dustin time. keeled
over barten'r and got chucked out by
four on 'em. Yes, sir, fit four times over,
an Seth Hines kin go hum t Steuben q
feelin' good meow.
He went to the jefferson Market Police
Court first, though.
"Ten dollars" his Honor SAID, when he
heard the story.
''Ten dollars That's yer figger, eh
Squar, I'm a-gittin' inter you, 'spect.
Why, I've had free fte four times hand
runuin', and got licked every shot. Reckon
you didn't know that, Ell? Squar, the
rumpus is cheap at double the money, and
he pad his fine with chuckle of intens,
satisfaction.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
Love Pow ders.

Recently a green looking specimen oi
humanity, evidently fresh from the harvest
fields Of Cranberry, strolled into the Metro
politan drug store, at Oil City, Pa Hi,
hair was long and well bieached by the
weather; his skinny, pimpled face was
about the color of u red COW. He wore a
very broad brimmed, twenty five cent straw
hat had on colored jean shirt, and over
his shoulder a single suspender held in
place pair OF blue duck pants, or overalls.
HIS large shoe were worn red, by con-
tiuuously coming in contact with the stub
BILE in the bayfield,, and were open at the
tops and in the toes, exposing to view a
thick pair of home knit, wooden stockings
The whole make Up was saturated with
perspiratIon, which al once gave 1t pecu-
liar odor and an appearance not altogether
lovely. With vacant look he bashfully
sided up TO the counter and accosted Win
Cowell, who was in attendance, with:
"rve hearn tell bout love powders. Did
you'ns ever hear tell on EN- ?"
''Oh, YES" replied Win, '''ve FREQUENT
ly heard of them," at the same time won-
derlng what in the world the lovely crea-
ture before him could be driving at.
"Wall," continued greeney, .ITeckon as
how you'ns haIn't got none of 'em, has
ye?"
Certainly, we keep them constantly IN
stock, replied the aTable druggist
How dew We sell emf"
Twenty five cents per box"
'How many on 'em in boxi"
''Four powders in each box"
IL l,.f IN
The component ingredients of the pow
ders, which render them efficacious in over
coming the propensities and passions of the
opposite sex, placing them wholly in your
power, and subservient to your own will,
are vegetable productions, from the sum
kissed shores Of Greenland, imported at
great expense, and il must be apparent TO
you that al the price asked"
wall, | don't keer bout hearin' any
more o that. If these ere powders Will
do the business I'm willin' to low tev
shillin's, teOugh | reckon, that's tsrnal
high. But I'm bound to get even"
shall put them up for youl"
"Ya-a-s, | guess So
Win then went to his prescription desk
and in few minutes returned with q little
box containing four small powders in pa
pers.
You must be mighty careful, said he,
about giving these. Half OF one of those
DO y ders is a dose,
''Never you mind, responded the young
man, IN give 'er 'nough if have to give
them all at once
He then i1shed a twenty cent silver
rieca ont Of bis leather r,ocLefhong niaced
it on the showcase and walked out.
When he had gone. Cowell remarked:
That's lretty good price for sugar"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01

health and he seems to be on friendly
terms with Mr.. Cheevers and his wife
Lizzie. He probably foryave that gentle
man on account of discovery that he
made that the nitro-glycerine torpedo con-
tanned nothing more dangerous than salt,
and the other internal inventions" were
Internal in about the same ratio; but Guy
still maintains that when person Is weary
of life they should cease their troubles by
scientific suicide.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01
Magnets In Mills.

1t seems that the introduction of magnets
into the great gram mills of The West has
worked FINELY. Not only have they cap
tured all the stray pieces of iron b nds, and
thus removed the only objection urged
against wire banding harvesters, but they
have revealed the singular fact that, of the
scraps of iron and steel which find their
way mixed with wh, at to the mills, fully
one-half are something besides pieces of
wire, and larger proportion Of these are
of such nature as to be even more dan
gerous to mill macnicery. The magnets
gather everything Of this kind with csrtain.
~,
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01

The virtue of man ought to be meas
ured, not BY his extraordinary exer-
ton, but by his everyday conduct.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01

81 DEss," said little sis yesterday,
''if bod was here now he'd make lot
o'folks. 'Tis awful dusty to-day"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-01

He that cannot forgive others breaks
the bridge over which he must pass
himself.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1880-09-11

Statistics show that in . ststs Of 70.
ciety like oars about cns persos in
afeS0 buadrsd vil. - Def and dumb.
IL 10 . properties which seems 10 Con-
onus with the certainty and persist
ency at % inexorable lsv. Expsri-
snee Ase saevn that tn dsaf 1ates
are . elass who esn be educated 3,
eslf-support Or they may remain .
dspendsat element in society. and. be-
ssass without knovlsdes a any kind.
psrhaps . dangerous element. Edu-
0taoe et tins class, from whom know
ledge 10 shut out through certain
eeosss. consists in finding entrance
through other senses Of impasting
ksoUledss. - sos esly baek learn
inG tAas thess peoeie require: they
ssed also TO b Goeght into conmani-
cation With the world sni Taught some
simple aad hossst method Of earning .
living 1t - bssa dsoonssrsted By
0ony e1periDsots md peoofs that this
h sssirely practicable. Oregon has .
school for deaf mutss which has been
in opsration meet Of the time for ten
ysans. but il eannos be said jet 10 have
passed. the sxpsrinenial stage. During
two ysars passt there he's beea en-
rolled % papils. four q whom were
tro0 Washipgt0a Territory, admitted
into the Orogoa seaool ON payment of
$500 per snnum esch. This, school
made beginning In 1e70. . small ap-
propristisn for il having ban made by
the legislature ct its session in that
ysar. AZ each succseding session the
sppeopgiakioo has hsec suunewhat in-
creased. In 1878 the amount for the
school To- DAT ousss ssd the school
foe the blind vas mode Tan thousand
dollars. Rev. p. 8. Knighs Of S.leu.
Who has made the education Of deaf
Dstss . speciality, has always taken .
deep md iatsliigsus intsrese in the
school. The nambsr under instruction
By 10 means equals the ~hols number
OF DEAF mutes in the State 10 whom
each instssotion woald be . profit. II
10 not easy % And them in oil cases.
and parents Are frsosently rsmiss in
reporting then. IL can hardly b
doubted that the legislature will make
suitable provisioa foe contiouing
~ .scheol end inpeesine It Herr
isa a. q psrssss sssis.Iy dss.rssi
from the common school; and the State
sas hasdly 6ootherwiss thaa rsgsrl it
asa plain duty 20 uake some steady
prosisios for tbose Who. through no
fault Of their own. are debsrred from
participation In the general bsnefits Of
our educational systsm.-O re9onian.