South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-01-30

strolled upto couple Of acquaintances
who were talking at the corner, and one
of them saluted him with, 'Why, you !
are growing bigger every day have
heard of man being fatter than fool, |
but 1 believe YOU are fa.ter than two
FOOLS 'Well, fancy would outweigh
both OF you" replied old rotund, quiet
ly, as ho walked along.
awkward mistake OF that policemen
In arresting President Hayes the other
day" remarked George Washington
Childs TO General Grant. rs the two
gentlemen lunched together (their glass
ca turned down at fashionable cafe Oh
Pennsylvania avenue.
Hadn't learned OF it, replied Gen
cral Grant. ''How did it happen?"
Mr.. Childs then related how the Pres
ident had stepped into the rotunda of
the Capitol, and ignorant of the order
against it, sat down on one of the seats
set apart for ladies. "The policeman
did not know the President" continued
Mr.. Childs, "and so took him into Gus
tody, and would have locked him mp had
not some one informed him of his terri.
BILE blunder." Grant was visibly affected,
and, after scratching his chin for mo-
ment, replied
Between you and ME. Mr.. Childs,
am more than ever convinced that the
Chief Magistrate of the country should
wear crown to distinguish"
Ssh General" said Mr.. Childs, rails.
ing his finger as cautionary signal,
anil then lowering his voice to hoarse
whisper, "Mr Dana, of the New York
San. may DE lurking within ear shot at
this very moment" With fear and hor-
ror blended upon their coun.ensnces Mr..
Childs and General Grant sneaked away
like a couple Of guilty things.
One OF tho members of the Methodist
conference was out FOR walk ut an car.
1y hour one morning, and while on How
ard Street he encountered strappine
big fellow who was drawing a wagon TO
the blacksmith shop.
Catch hold here and help me down
to the shop with this wagon, and I'll
buy the whiskey," called the big fellow.
81 never drink" solemnly replied the
good man.
"Well, you can take cigar"
81 never smoke
The man dropped the wagon tongue,
looked hard at the member and asked
Don't you chew 20
NO." was the decided reply.
lyon must get mighty lonesome
musc1 the tcamsttr
guess I'm al right feel first rate ;
III bet you even that | can lay YOU
on your back remarked the teams;cr
Come now, let's warm up u little"
Il never bet"
''Well, let's take each other down .for
fun. you the under hold"
81 never have fun solemnly answer
ed the member.
We'll, Pm going TO tackle you any
way. Here we go"
The teamster slid up and endeavored
t. get neck hcli, but ne had only Just
commenced to feel about when lie was
lifted clear off the grass and slammed
against tree box with such force that
ho gasped BALI dozel times before nc
could get his breath.
Now You keep away from me- cx
claimed the minister, picking up his cane.
Dust ne if don't" replied the
teamster, as lie edged eff. What's the
use IN lying and saying that you didn't
hayo any fun in you when you are chocll
full Of it! Blame it you wanted to
break my back, didn't you Z"
Dear Louise, don't let The men come
too near to you wien cou1tiug" Oh
no, dea. ma. Wien Charles is here We
always have ono chair between u.s.
Mother thinks The ans wcr IS rather am.
biguous.
"PLAyING MONO DE PSALMS" "A
we'll known Georgian, while travelling in
Liberty county recently, met lame ne
gro preacher in the road and stopped
him for O. little tall
Butler" said the gentleman, I'll see
you have your Bible in your hand. Do
Won preach to-day p