The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-11-13
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
Hard wear-Tight boots.
A sweet craft-Courtship.
A wrsthful land-Ire-land

sweet craftsmanship.
A wrathful land-Ire-land.
Always striking for wages-A blacksmith.
The rule OF three Wife, mother-inls and
maiden aunt.
unwecome setters-Those who offer ten cents
ON the dollar
BATCH OF CoNUNDRUMs.
When is wall like a fish, When 1t is scaled
How does a stove feel when full OF Goals!
Grateful.
Which OF the reptiles is mathemuticians The
adder. ;.
When is boat like heap Of snow! When II
10 sdrft.
When is O doctor most annoyed! "heh nc ID
out of patients. T..
When is literary work like smoke? When it
comes In volumes. :.
Why is the letter like the sum- Because it
10 the centre Of light.
What is that which shows others wha' IL can
not see itselfy A mirror.
Why is the letter n like faithless lover? Be-
cause it is Inconsistent
How does q COW become ianueu estatc' by
turning her into field
Why is whispering breach OF good manners
Because IL is not allowed.
Why is the discovery of the North pole like an
Illicit whisky mandatory? Because its Sc
cret still.
What is an old lady in the middle OF the river
like? Like to be drowned
What word may be pronounced quicker by add.
Ing syllable to IL. Quick.
WHY Is a miser like man with a sh0rt mem
ory? Because he is always forgetting.
How does a sailor know there's man in the
moon? Because he has been to sea (see).
WHY is a fool in high station like man in n
kailoonY Because everybody appears HUE 10
him and he appears little to everybody
Cyprus is about as large as Connecticut. II
anything Connecticut is nutmeg greater.
Hancock carried Gaena by 3O2 majority. II
Grant had stad at home and voted the demo-
cratic majority would have been but sol.
Mrs. Conkng is sicky and Kate sprague is
getting divorce. Put that and that together,
s. the man said OF the nose and the Goldfish.
ut will be noted by our election table that the
greenback vote Of Kane county has deceased ma
terially since 1873" says the Aurora Beacon.
One OF the first acquisitions received from
newly appointed railway station agent was:
"send me gallon Of red oil for the danger Ian.
terms"
New York scribe has discovered that IN. b."
attached to the postscript Of n Boston invitation
to dinner means mo beans"
You may have seen young man on one side
of gate and maiden or the other side. Why
they talk so long is because great deal may be
said on both sides.
Charley Stephens was mistaken. He thought
he was running for circuit clerk. Bless you, he
wasn't even walking in that direction.
FIFTY thousand unmarried women are wanted
at once in Arizona and no questions asked" says
the n II. Rsgister. Then they won't go. Moth
Ing but the promise that at least question
will be asked will fetch them.
Let's see; wasn't 1t man by the name Of Evans
who said he would be the next congressman
from the 9TH Illinois dstrictg-JOliet Ne,os. No,
neghbOr; his name was Barber. DO you know
him ?-Joiid R,cord
Never mnd-never mind" said a hopeful
democrat; fraud, it is true has again succeed
ed, but, remember the children of Israel were
forty years in the wilderness" eyes, l know"
said his nterlocutor, but blast it, the other fell
lows didn't meantime have all the post offices! ~
1t costs $4,000 to bring a boy up to the age Of
Is, and we defy anyone to pick out Is year old
boy that's worth it. Fifteen strikes the age Of
utter useessness in a boy.
Boston lecturer astonished his audience by
bringing down his fist on the table and shouting
"Where is the religiosty Of the anthropoid quad.
rumanaW If he thinks We have got it he can
search us, We never saw 1t in the world.-Nor-
rtStOuH RcJIStCr.
DR.. Hastings, Of Boston, said he would as soon
think OF hiring some man to eat his breakfast as
to hire some one to do his singing in church
According to his view, singing is the natural cx-
preston Of religious joy. 1t may be so to the
singer; but is it fair--is it Chrstan.lke--to
those that can't singy
Bob Ingersol says: ~ an going with the re
publican party because IT is going my way" And
the whole Methodist church, which is truly 10y.
al, SAYS Bob is on the broad road to perdtiou.
A boy arose one winter morn,
And came 10 breakfast rather late,
Yet raised fuss because there was
No nice pancake upon his plate.
His father took him DER his knee
Raised he his hand oft through the air,
And when the boy got loose from him
He bid his pankache in the chair.
The pretty sweetheart OF a Peoria pugilist was
the Goddess of Liberty In political procession.
He set out to walk on the sidewalk abreast of
the car On which she rode and whip every man
who made any disrespectful comment on her
He knocked down five offenders in the course OF
as many blocks, and then, attempting to chastise
party OF four, got sound drubbing.
man named Dan Stimmel, at DAYTON, Ohio,
the other nigst, got drunk ana lay down on the
railroad track and fell asleep Next morning he
was found with his head cut off by passing
night train. local journal mentioning the fact,
considerably adds that he was dead
II vas a waggish magistrate
Whrrrtu vas brought sinner
Who'd sadly thrashed the maid he loved
Because me couldn't win her.
Refectiyely, yet much amazed,
m" Judge repeated, dryy,
'A,,s! az he should lacerate
The ls--hr rates so highly
-V"L IVhiPpIe, in Yonkers Gd-ette.
In Stokes county, y. c., four white men start