The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-09-24


shoes.
BEES carry pollen dust on their legs
That is how dust the busy bee.
A MAN who wears ten-cent piece on
his shirt front calls it his dime and pin.
"HoPE springs eternal in the human
breast" But he who sits on a tack
springs best
SOME women were evidently "born to
blush unseen"-at least they are never
seen to blush.
MEDICAL student declares that the
sudden death of Little Eva was calcu-
lated to awe Topsey.
THERE is nothing in the four quarters
of the globe more unreliable than the
headquarters of mule.
SAMsoN's strength depended on his
hair; but woman's strength depends
upon the strength of her hair-pins.
A PATENT medicine mans conveyance
ran away yesterday, and you should have
seen the way the drugstore down the
street.
"TREAT woman Ikea splendid flower"
says Bob Ingersoll. $50 do. L have
planted mine" says widower who has
buried three wives.
A LITTLE boy being told by his mother
to take powder she had prepared for
him, Powder, POWDER" said he,
mother, L amt gun"
A DANBURY officer always looks on the
bright side of things. He says, were il
not for the episode in the Garden of Eden
he would not be policeman.
NeaOs.
/
=" LIZ Jones undertakes to pull my ears"
said Ioud-mouthed fellow on the street
corner, she will have his hands full"
The crowd looked at the mans ears and
smiled.
eyes, it's Johns grave" murmured
the disconsolate widow, land he was
good man; and it did seem a wicked
waste of money to put so good casket
under all that damp EARTH"
A Troy gentleman who married a
widow, complained to her that he liked
his beef well done "Ah, L thought L
was cooking for Mr.. Brown" said she,
"but, darling, will try and forget the
poor dear"
A SEXTON reported that corpse ex-
humed in a graveyard was petrifed and
many persons went to see the body.
sexton had inadvertently put an Sc" in
stead of ''u' after the ''p' in "petri-
fed"
JUST before visiting the menagerie,
Johnnie had a passage-at-arms with the
young aunt who assisted at his toilet,
and with whom he flew into a rage. Ar
rived at the menagerie, Johnnie was i'm
mensely interested by a strange foreign
animal with long 1.-the body. "What
animal is that, mammal" ne asked. SIT
is called an ant eater, my son. After
long slence-'Mamma, can't we bring
Aunt Mary here some day?"
SIS YOUR programme full, Miss Beetle
crusher?" asked young man of West
ern damsel who had just struggled out
of the refreshment room with disap-
pointment in her eye and an "order of
dances" in her hand. Programme full?"
said the daughter of the setting sun,
oval, L guess not! hain't had nothin'
but piece o. cake and an ice cream, an
that don't go fur towards film my pro-
gramme, L can tell YOU
81 WISH was a edytur,
I'd in my sanktum stand
An wear upon my countynance
A smile jist orful bland,
An when the candyd cum in
To try TO taffy me,
I'd exercise no modesty,
To any CRATE degree;
I'd tell him rite into his teeth,
That our infoo alters
Is lent to the aspirin man
That has the shnin' SssS
An if he plunged up the dust
Forthwith my sheet ID praise him,
But if he didn't cum TO time,
Crate Moses! how I'd raise mp
Modern Argo.
SHE Whispering Hush! Take it,
darlingl Your heart will teach you to
find out it's use." He-"Kind, thought
full girl! Any daintyis welcome in camp,
and. She-"Not word, papa is
waking. Goodbye" And he was gone
And when he found she had given him
cat in the basket he waxed wroth, for,
alas! his heart did not teach him that
when in camp he should hide billet I'M
der his collar and let it loose, whereupon
Tom would make his way straight back
to his mistress.
WE will certainly be called on to record
the sudden and violent death of that fell
low Gilhooly. Yesterday he stopped in
front of fruit stand on Galveston ave-
nue. and picked out several peaches,
squeezed them until the stufing came
out of them, trying to find out if they
were ripe, and then he put them back.
'Look here, can't sell them peaches
after you have squeezed them" "You
didn't sell 'em before 1 squeezed 'em did
you?" ''No, but" "Well, if you don't
sell 'em after I've squeezed 'em, you amt
any worse off than you were before You
must learn to reason, man, before you
talk. -GalUeSton NelOs.
Lowell i'm London.
James Russell Lowell's speech at the