New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-05-05
WHOLE NUMBER 1913.
VARIETY AND HUNOR.

VARIETY AND HUAOR.
The position of Minister to the
Court OF st. James is difficult ono to
fill, but the father of large family says
the place of minister to st. Nicholas i
hard enough for him.
How is it, in fashionable weddings,
that we always have . catalogue of the
brides wearing apparel, while we never
hear OF the groom having so much as
new pair of socks?-Syracuse Herald.
- Business man-"You vagabondl
You send word in that you want to SEQ
me on business, and when ask you
what your business is-you begv' Vag-
abond-"But you forget, sir, begging
is my business!''
-Arabella on her toes in chair,
clutching convulsively at her skirts):
20 Bridget! A mouse, a mouse! Como
and catch it, quickr' Bridget: "Sure,
mum, there's no hurry. If this one gets
away, !! can catch plenty more for y>r,
num-"
=" Idleness always envies industry"
may be q truthful old adage, but we
can distinctly remember the time that
we could sit on the fence and watch our
respected father and brother Ike hoo
corn, and not envy 'em bit--Keokuk
Constitution.
A Washington young lady has
found cure for starers, who annoy her
sex in street cars. She recommends
whenever man stares q girl out of
countenance, the lady shall merely fix
her gaze upon the mans feet, and he
will soon beat an ignominious retreat.
New York physicians are clamor-
ing for hot-air bathing houses for tho
poor of that city. Three million free
baths were taken in the summer, and
now, when the condition of the at
mosphere greatly augments the neces-
sity for bathing there are no bathing
places.
"A young man indicted for using
bad words at Bethany Church in Pa-
!asG County, Georgia, recently, jumped
from train OF cars, swan lake, aud
was about to swim the river when he
was overhauled by the law officers. He
was carried to Hawkinsville and &C.
quilted of the charge. He had his fun,
however.
The bumblebee, it is said, gives
two very distinct sounds. And wo
therefore advise all our readers to dis
courage all advances on the part of
this insect. There is none like him,
though he humble bee. The hornet,
wasp and others in the singing bust
x,vskl,
that sound strikes the carmine springs
every time.-Havk-Eye.
"A gloriously- beautiful widow, SAYS
the Washington Capital, has the best
dodge of them all. She takes home a
hundred of her photographs, and when
gentleman calls the maid happens to
be looking at one of them. "What is
that, Susanp' says the caller. "A
photograph of Missis," says Susan.
"Ain't it just too lovelyp" "Rather,"
replies the caller, and then he gives
Susan dollar for it.
80 wonder what makes it look 50
dark and gloomy outdoors?" said Mrs.
Hickenlooper to the next-door neigh
Dor, who had just run in a minute to
borrow couple of fresh-laid eggs. II
guess it's because your windows need
washing" gently remarked the next
door neighbor, critically running her
forefinger up and down the glass. And
then there was o sort of GOODNESS fell
like wet sheet on the assembled null
titude, and the next-door neighbours
cake wasn't as rich by two eggs as it
might have been.-Nev Haven Register.
A young man in Nashville, Tenn,
was less successful than q certain rival
in getting to escort young lady home
from church on Christmas night; but
he had his revenge. The young lady
lived long way from the church, and
they were going to have nice time
talking as they walked. Here was
where the young man who got left got
in his work. He hired willing Arab,
blowing his Christmas horn, to walk
home in close proximity to the pair,
and thwart all conversation between
them. There was no lingering At the
gate, the lady fastening within doors
and her escort walking away fearfully
mad.
Among the men who saw wood for
fifty cents q day at the town farm in
Hartford, Conn.,, is returned mission
ary, who takes the work for his health.
He says that his mind has been affected
by overwork, and he looks to physical
labor to restore it. Owing to the Pc
culiar nature of the case it was pro-
posed to furnish his dinner at the town
house, but he declined, with the exc
PLANTATION that in cases where mental
vigOr was to be restored one great de-
pendence must be on fish diet. Ho
has arranged at restaurant for two
meals of fish q day, and is perfectly
contented with what he considers his
gradual progress to normal condition.
IN. Y. Post.
Idaho has go-as-you-please town.
1t is q place called Beaver, situated at
the mouth of Beaver Canyon, is sort
of kangaroo city, which has jumped
along as the railroad advanced, thirty
or forty miles at time. A year ago
it was called Oneida, and was one hum
dred and twenty miles from Ogden,
since which time it has changed its
base and name several times, and is
now one hundred and forty miles from
its former base. When the town takes
spring, Inc nOLel, saloons, dwelling
houses and shops are packed up and
moved along, and are set down again
just as they started. In each new To-
cality the streets and signs appear the
same, SO that visitor at one place is
at home, without asking, in the new.
The inhabitants seem to take kindly to
this municipal nomadic life, and Bar
ney ONiel, the hotel-keeper says:
= livery time she jumps she jumps
TO make the hair stay in crimp,
take two pennyworth of gum arabic and
add to it just enough boiling water to
dissolve it. When dissolved add
enough alchohol to make it rather thin.
Let this stand all night, and then bottle
Il tn nrnXni Z tho alaoLc,l f..cs,,