davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10
A Canuck Law Maker in a Hotel

Among the railway travellers eating
dinner at Il hotel in Belleville the other
day, was a fellow who swallowed meat,
potato, S and bread as ii he had been q
week without eating.
A second cup of coffee was brought to
him, and in his hurry he picked it up
aud took a large swallow. 1t Was con-
siderably hotter than pepper, and in his
excitement he opened his mouth and
shot the liquid across the table against a
young mans shirt bosom.
'Gosh-whoop-hot-be pardon
blazesl" he exclaimed, reaching for the
water.
"You are a hog, sir!' replied the
young man-"a regular hog"
IL am, chi"
eyes, sir"
"And I've got bristlesf'
eyes, you have"
"And l gruntp
eyes"
STRANGER" said the man, a. he
reached scross the table after another
slspjack, stranger, I'm not . hog. I'm
only an NJ. P. bound for Ottawa"
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10
What it Costs Us for Smoke.

The New York correspondent of the
Troy Times says; The amou, spent in
smoking by some of our citizens is sur
prising. New York pays more for CT
CARS than for bread, and this is easily
seen when individual cigar bills run up
to $500 per annum. l know n man
who was unable to save anything on an
income of $4,000 a year, and who gave
among the reasons that it cost him $40
per week for cigars. If all HIS expenses
were at such a rate there could be little
chance at accumulation. There are
many smokers who average 100 cigars a
week. These are the men who build up
such fortunes AS the Gilseys and Others
have made. Peter Gilsey landed in this
city a Door emigrant. He was a piano
maker, but opened a cigar shop in the
Bowery which his wife tended while he
wrought at his trade. From this hum
BILE beginning Gilsey became one of the
most extensive dealers in the city. He
had at one time nearly q dozen cigar
shops, and he left an estate worth
$4,000 900. The Gilsey House is one
OF his creations, and the splendid estab-
lishment known as the "Gilsey build
mg," corner of Broadway and Cortiandt
street, is another. The first Broadway
cigar store that reached distinction was
John Anderson's. The unfortunate
Mary Rogers, better known as the
pretty cigar girl" was in his service,
and her tragic end will always he one Of
the my. teries of New York crime.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10
Swindling as a Fine Art.

Two fellows, whose money was almost
entirely expended, determined that a
wealthy hotel keeper should be the
means of replenishing their purses.
Accordingly, n of them giving W
what money he had to the other, en-
tered the premises CT the selected vic.
tim, while his confederate kept out OF
sight. The visitor inquired for the
landlord, to whom he propounded the
query Can you give me a good DIM
ner?' OF course the resources of the
establishment vera equal to the de-
mand, and in a few minutes the good
dinner was served and duly discussed.
Then came the question of payment
but the guest had 40 money, and pointed
out to his host that, had he possessed
the "needful,' he should have ordered
what he Rad consumed in the usual
manner that he had simply sought in
formation concerning the ability of the
house and the inclination of its owner
to supply him with a good dinner, and
was much obliged for the same. A po-
liceman was called in, but his decision
leaned toward the ~impecunious dinner
it might be considered a debt, but the
criminal law could do nothing. The
guest departed. The landlord ground
his teeth. Not long after this number
two arrived tn query "Can you give
me "a good dinnerW A smile of terrible
meaning crossed the landlords face.
YES, yes he replied, take a seat"
He FASTENED out and returned with a
bucket OF water, which with his own
hands he dashed over the applicant for
a good dinn'r who thereupon jumped
to his feet and demanded IN explanation
of such extraordinary treatment. "Ha!
ha !! laughed the incensed Boniface, as
he glared about for something where
with to chastise the object of his wrath
-"ha ha you fellows can't fool me
twice in the same way" The visitor
appeared astounded the irate landlord
appeared anxious to kick the visitor out.
A violent scene occurred. The would
be guest was denominated as "a swindler
and "a robber. The officer of the law
was again summoned. Each made
charges against the other. The intu-
rated host called in his solicitor. The
visitor declared that he was perfectly
able and willing to pay for what he re-
quired exhibited his money, threatened
proceedings for assault and battery, and
vowed he would bring his action for
SANDER as we'll. The landlords solic-
itor considered his client was getting
cheaply out of the scrape by paying
down fifty pounds as a solat,um for the
wounded feelings and the wet clothes of
swindler number two - Chambers
journal.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10

Some years ago a patent medicine
man of St. Louis wrote q confidential
letter to a young man in this city re
questlng him to send the names Of all
the very feshy men in Little Rock. The
young man with a full appreciation of a
happy plan suddenly struck upon, sent
the names of all the very lean men in
town. The effect was very decisive. A
short time after a prominent lawyer,
whose leanness has ever been a subject
of remark, received a letter which read:
"Dear Sir: Our American a~nti-fat
remedy will white the fat from you in
six days. Send us 25 cents"
The letter was thrown aside, not with
out n few expressions of ingratitude.
The next mail brought another with
the following contents:
"Dear Sir-If you have decided to
surrender ursspaunch, send JUS the %
| cents"
By this time the genial man was
warm. He cursed all the patent medi-
cine men in the world. Several days
after this a boy came to the office and
handed the lawyer a letter. On the en-
velope was written: "Opened by mis-.
take; Miss jackson" The lawyer took
the letter and read:
DEAR SIR: We are sorry that your
abdominal protuberance is giving you
20 much trouble. This is your own
fault, for our American anti.fat will act
like a drawing knife in whiting you
down.
The lawyer sat for fifteen minutes in
deep meditation. He was disturbed by
the entrance of a lean minister who
drew n letter from his pocket, and hand
ing it to the lawyer, remarked:
81 don't understand this"
This letter read:
DEAR SIR: Don't feel that you are
always to be a burden to yourself. We
can boil off your stomach until you'll be
as trim as a racer. Mr.. - promi-
nent lawyer of your city, who, as you
know is a perfect mountain of flesh, is
being treated by us.
The lawyer didn't say a word; but
when the minister had gone, he addressed
the following letter to the st. Louis Gcc-
tor, off you ever send me another one
of your diabolical documents, III stick
a six shooter down your throat and fire
every shot into your Internal stomach"
The doctor has stopped writing.-L,ttle
Rock Gazette.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10
The Scarlet Lily.

The florists of San Francisco have
been c%huckling to themselves for some
days over the introduction into the con-
servatories of this city of "the Scarlet
Brazilian Lily "a rare exotic. The
man who brought them thither intro
duced himself by means CT a card with
the following inscriptions: en-. Carlo
Corrella, botanist; late of Brazil" NJ.
Corrella went around among the aristo
cratic families, and by his pleasant adj
dress secured interviews with the ladies.
He told them that by a misfortune he
had lost his money, and while waiting a
Geographic order from home must sell
eleven of his dearly-prized Brazilian lilly
bulbs, which he had intended to present
to Mrs. Hayes.
What Is the lily like9" the lady
would ask.
The description was as glowing as the
immediate prospect of investment could
produce. The flower was a great scarlet
bell, with ecrue ruchings on the petals,
a solferino full around the pistol and a
whole bottle Of perfumeryin eachstamen
Its grace would have made Aphrodite
die of envy, and its perfume was a taste
full combination of all the odols of
Arabia, with the Luben, Pinaud and
Colgate Laboratories intermingled. Would
it grow here2 it would. Accustomed rs
it was to the balmy zephyrs of its ma
tive beach, it possessed so ambitious a
temperament that it would grow on any
thing, from a Tulare farm to a new
spring bonnet. 1t fact, if she wanted
to paralyze every other lady of her &C.
quaintance in the conservatory line, she
had the one chance of her lifetime.
"Ill take 'em all. How much are
they
-Four dollars apiece, ma'am. l ex-
pected to get FIVE" and the Brazilian
b~otanist produced from a c%onsumptive
r%eticule eleven large bulbs, whose non
committal exterior gave no evidence of
their patrician peculiarities. The sale
was affected OF the spot, and a week
later, at a well.attended tea-ight, the
proud purchaser confded her secret to a
friend from the Mission, likewise horti-
culturally enthusiastic. The communi-
cation produceJ a blank stare, profound
surprise and interjectional remarks.
The other lady had bought four of the
same bulbs, the only one the poor bot
anist brought up with him, at three dol
lars apiece. A rodent of mammoth pro-
portions was scented and notes were
compared. The Araby business and the
delicate horticultural idyll were found
to have been identically repeated in five
different places, with rich financial re
suits, out Of a gathering Of nine ladies.
The assemblage broke up early, as II
quintet of those present had important
engagements, all by a queer coincidence
with her particular florist. The transit
was hurried. The questions Identical.
The answers precisely the same:
"Those bulbs are China lilies. We're
seliin' 'em for two bits q hundred.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10
Advanced Backward.

An excitable little Frenchman vas
complaining about his bad luck as a
speculator. 81 cannot at all get zee re-
hottest insight into zee business. Long
time age one friend say to me Lady
Bryan is a good speculation. I buy
feefty shares of zee Lady for 81 Ter
share. She go down to feefty cent. 1
say to my friend: Now, what shall l dol
You see zee Lady have advanced back
ward, like zee what you call crawfish."
MY friend say TO me: You must re.
duce your average
"How is Eat sing about reduce zee
average says / to him, for l know u
derstand what he mean about reduce zee
average
"He says: you see to reduce your
average, you must buy feefty share more
at feefty cents, then you stock no stand
in you so much money
81 go buy feefty share more I reduce
zee average, you sec.
"My friend he says to me: Now
you all right to take advantage of zee
market; you have your average reduce
"Well, pretty soon, what you sink I
Zee d-n Lady she crawish to twenty
five cent. l go TO my friend and l say
to him: You see how it is wis zee Lady;
she have tumhle2
"T See said my friend, it is bad,
but zee only way to get even is to again
reduce zee average. Then you be in one
fine position to take advantage Of zee
Market"
"Dlable!" says I, but you see, my
friend, zee d market all time take adj
vantage of me- But [ got 200 shares
more of zee Lady at "a cent"
"Pretty soon bang she 60 down to
zee ten cent zee share, ! go to my friend,
what shall l do says L."
Gee only sing to get you even Eat is
possible to do is to again reduce zee
average"
I'D - zee averaged I remark, for you
see | am begin to become infame against
zee average. But my friend p~ersuades
me it is zee only way to get into zee
position to take advantage Of zee mar
hc1 WIZ ECU INaoy, ~ 1 guy III fOO shdtC
more at ten cent, and say O l am
ready for zee rise of zee market"
"Just now, what you zink9 One as
sessr,ent of fifty cents is level. l rush
away to my friend and say: 'What
now mus / doT 1T is bad he say. Il
am afraid we have pay too much atten-
ton to zee plan of reducing zee average.
We have leave zee assessment out of zee
account"
81 cannot pay him, so l let him 60
lose all zee Lady what l have produce to
reduce the average. Pretty o o the
mine is salt, and zee Lady boom to four
dollare. Zen l say, 'Why have | not
pay zee assessment Zee diable take
zee stock speculation! Between zee re-
duce zee average and zee assessment,
there is one conflict cat no man can have
zee foresight to reconcile. Is it no so y
Virginia Enterprise.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10

snake a minute Of that duel, Mr..
Sh. arer," said the chief 70 the new edi-
tor. Cant d. it," replied the subal.
tern. "Why notT' "C.u1e there's
only two seconds in it" Verdict VI
accidental death, caused by sudden in
crease of salary
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10

at is odd, and sometimes melin-
cboIy." remarks Oh exchange, so ste a
uan trying to make up his mind when
h.. has no material ON hand TO work
With"
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-06-10

1t was Pelham who said it was emf
nently respectable to no arrested for debt
because it shows you once lad credit
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
The Easter services at St. Michael's were we'll attended in spite of the indictment wealth

The Easter services at St. Michae's were
 we'll attended in spite of the indictment wealth
 CT. Eighty or ninety persons were at the six
 o'clock service and must have felt we'll repaid,
 as the church was fragrant with flowers and 1 St. Michaels Guild sang their Easter carols
 very finely, bringing theIr offering of prayer
 and praise like the disciples of old ''very early in the morning" 1 At eleven o'clock there were the usual Eas-
 ter services. The music was we'll selected
 and although very important member of the choir, alter faithfully rehearsing over the
 Easter music, was suddenly debarred by ill-
 ness yet through the kindess of friend, this service of song was not wanting
 At half past two o'clock, the children of the Sunday School marched in procession from the Chapel singing the hymn Jesus Christ is risen to-day:"a as they entered the church for their Easter Festival. The service was made very interesting by the hearty responses of the children and their singing of their Easter Carols. The Rector surprised them by brief catechising and general questioning, and their courage waxed little faint under this, but on the whole they did well. At the close of the service, the Sunday School left the church in a most orderly manner, singing Barnby's spirit ed hymn We March, we March to Victory, with the Cross of the Lord before us!' The clear voices of the children ringing out to the fine accompaniment of organ and cornet, the bright faces of the little ones each decorated with an Easter knot of flowers, and the pretty banners wreathed with smilax and flowers, were an inspiriting sight to the congregation. The scholars marched to the Sunday School Room where each received an Easter card, and they were dismissed.
 The flowers were very beautifully arranged in the church pots of plants and vines about the pulpit and lectern; vases of beautiful flowers on the rcredos, and about the chancel; while iu the memorial window were exquisite ferns, roses and white lilies The marble font wreathed with smlax held pure white cross, while thrown over it was wreath of colored flowers in close imitation of the favorite pict- ure Easter Morning." These decorations of the font were special offering from ''the Guild"
 One feature of interest was the collection hung in the vestry-room of the portraits of all the cergymen who have officated in the par ish since it's beginning, save two; these have not yet been traced, though there is hope even of these. This line of godly men represent to many even now living, associations with much that is most tender and sacred in their lives; and on Easter Day an interested group was always to be seen gathered about these DOT traits.
 The offertory was one hundred dollars and is to be devoted to the reduction of the small debt resting on the Parish.
 In spite then of the dreary aspect out of doors on Easter Day, in old St. Michael's was light and gladness on this Day of Days.
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
Births.
At Warren, March 18th daughter to MT. and Mrs Edwin E. Main.

MarrlageS-
 At Marketable, March IS, by the Rev. w. Marion I. PIatt, of Marketable
 At the residence of the Brides parents, Tuesday evening, March 3Olh, by the Rev. Allan Mclean, Franklin Burr Mason and Anna Cornelia Coe, daughter of Henry L. Coe, Esq. all of Litchheld
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
Washington.

l MARCH, THE WINTER KING, HOLDS SWAY A week ago last Friday there was one of the largest SHOWS of the winter Saturday last it showed ali day Y; and, at present, the trees are covered With ice. Where is the New Preston Prophet?
 ARRIvALs.-Mr. Rutlege Whitehead and Mir. Hitchcock of Meriden, who came to at tend the funeral of their father, Mir. Hubbell Whitehead on Monday last Mr. and Mrs. Cornelius Gold, of New York Mrs. Felt nee Fannie Whittlesey, of New Britain; Dea. Seth Hollister, of Woodbury and Mir. and Mrs. George Brown, of Brooklyn. Also MT. Ben jamin Mason, of Litchfeld; and Dea. s. H. Dudley, of Bantam, have been spending few days in town.
 DEPARTURE. John w. Titus has rented her dwelling house to Misses Mary and Lillie Clark tor boarding house, and has removed to her daughters, Mrs. Woodward) in Watertown. She will return to teach the Gen. ter School the summer term.
 BUILDING, &C.-S D. Platt has purchased building lot of Lyman Clark, south of his dwelling house, and iserecting house there on.
 George Mobiles has erected and enclosed his house at Washington Depot.
 Merritt Fem is erecting 8 dwelling on land purchased of Henry Hickox south of his saw mill
 John B. Wilson has corps of men at work on Alpheus Bakers new house frame which is in process of erection.
 Mir. Van 1ngen has several men, under the direction of Wm. J. Ford, excavating the cellars both of house and barn. Bronson Beach of New Haven is the master mason. Simeon H. Calhoun, we understand, is su- perintendent of the building The barn con- templated will be the largest in town.
 Mr. George Brown, we are informed, breaks ground for his new house today. MT. Lyman Clark is to be the superintendent of the build ing. Business is very brisk.
 The winter term of the Gunnery closed on Wednesday evening, with very satisfactory entertainment at the Hall. A special train ran down on Thursday for the accommodation of the pupils and their friends.
 Easter Sunday was observed in both churches with appropriate servlces.. Beauti- ful boquets were brought in, minus the trail ing Arbutus. All hall the day! 5.
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
Notice.

THE undersigned invites correspondence with par- A. tesdesirous of forming cutlery company. To praclcai men with small capital good opportunity to start a business is presented Iddrese
 %z-n D. O. KILBOUN LitchAeld, Conn.
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
Bantam.

Some days ago, daughter of Frank Parker, while at play, fell upon sharp stone cutting her knee very badly. pr. Wallace was called to dress the wound.
 -Wm. Crossman has partly raised his house but has been obliged to wait awhile in conse- quence of high winds and unpleasant wealth. CT.
 The sociables at the hall have been very pleasant meetings, with the entertainments provided by the young people, in the way of dialogues, declamstlons, tableaux, &c
 Easter Services were celebrated on Sun- day last at St. PauPs church, with fair at tendance considering the uufavorable state of the weather. The music was excellent, while the Font, Lectern and Altar were neatly trimmed with greens and beautiful flowers, which gave the church very neat and attrac- tive appearance. The flowers were furnished chiefly from the greenhouse of U. P. Barthol- omew. Two discourses appropriate to the day were delivered by therector, Rev. H. Stone and the communion was administered. w..
Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-01
Warren.

Mrs. Tallmadge has returned to her house, half
 Several new families have moved into town lately, It is pleasant to see the smoke curling from the chimneys of hitherto vacant dwellings and to feel the new stir of life in our midst.
 Several are sick with measels at the pres ent time, the infected district being thus far confined to the western part of the town.
 The Ladies Sociable met with Mrs. B. E. Carter, March 24th but, owing to the violent storm of wind then prevailing, only about twenty were present on the occasion.
 Fast day was observed by services in the church, but owing to the house not being prop erly warmed and a slight indisposition of our pastor, the services were shortened, so that some arrived during the concluding prayers, some during the closing hymn, but alas some only got as far as the church door. As there is prayer meeting on fast days, before the sermon, this is suggestive.
 The Misses Colton are spending their va cation in New York and vicinity Messrs. George Colton, and Willie Carter are home from their respective schools on vacation.
 ONE GREAT DEED IS ENoUGH.-Watts in- vented the steam engine; Morse the, electric telegraph; Whitney the cotton gin, and Dr. David Kennedy, of Rondout, N r., discov- cred and prepared the 'Favorite Remedy" which is worth more than all of them, because it saves life and cures disease It puriies the blood, drives bile iron the system, cures those delicate diseases peculiar to women, and is, in short, sheet-anchor in every household. No other medicine equals it or can take its place. Don't spend your money in paying doctors when for One Dollar bottle you can have the ''Favorite Remedy always on your shelf
 GRATEFUL WoMEN-None receive SO much benefit, aad none are so profoundly grateful and show such an interest in recommending Hop Bitters as women. It is the only rem edy peculiarly adapted to the many ills the sex is almost universally subject to. Chills and fever, indigestion or deranged liver, constant or periodical sick headaches, weak ness in the back or kidneys, pain in the shoul- ders and different parts of the body, a feeling Of lassitude and despondency, are all readily removed by these Bitters Couraat