Daily Republican., 1880-09-30

+, 81 nov have something for rainy
day." said old Mr.. Mcsnifkin the other
svening, as he entered the room and
crested his family. "a windfsll, q
vindfall!" screamed Mrs. McSnifkin,
in an eostacy Of mental paralysis, "No,
no." he responded, quietly, as he drew
his slippers from under the sofa, "it's
an umbrella" Mrs. Mes. told him he
was Q real mean thing.
A r>eral. minded little fellow visiting
on Cape Cod, who found the inscrip-
tion in the village graveyard: "Not
dead, bat slespeth," ran in alarm to
his mother and said: "We mast &c
home right of; won't stay here al
night, anyhow. They bury people here
when they 60 TO sleep. saw one OF
them outin the graveyard, and do you
suppose I'll sleep here tonight and
have them bury mei"
A political item from the Charlotte,
IN. CO. "Prsss:" "John Pool, an ex-
Senator OF the Radicals has come ont
for Hancock. Ills goose has been cook
I'd for some years, and IL 10 no cause for
rejoicing among the old guard. A lit
tie boy watching the progress Of chick
en- Matching, observed just as he saw q
chick piping the shell: 'lkno' what
yer coming out that shell for. Jess COS
yer 'fraid you'll be cooked, that's it yer
slimey thing you."
We are told that man is "only Nit
tle lever than the angels" also, that
angels live in heaven, which is beyond
the skies, and that the sky is millions
OF miles from the earth. Therefore,
how can man be only alittle Tower,
than the angels when they are 80 far
above himi
A man threw stone at . dog in Gal
weston. An old negro toddled out Of
the house and said. ''lts lucky foah
you, white man, dat de General amt
at home" "What Gensralf" "Gen.
Dollpimple, OBJ de Galbeston Division OF
de Grand Army Of Occupation OF Mexi-
co. You is fOolin' with ciclone;
chile"
A young artist who lives in board
ing house wants to know how he can
learn to play the violin without dis.
turbiug the other boarders. Soap your
bow, young man, soap your bow, and
bathe the string twice day in sweet
oil. Then you can sit mp all night and
play overtures. and nobody will mind
it."
Another battle was fought in South
America last week. 1t lasted two hours,
and then 9 truce was asked for and
granted to LOOK after the wounded, be-
cause an awkward fellow in one Of the
armies had dropped his musset on a
friends corn.
The man who uses lighted lamp
when searching in the cellar for agss
leak, should marry the servant girl
who kindles the Ere with kerosene oil
provided there is enough Of either party
left after attempting their respective
fsats.
al am an Independent. voter, and l
can't support you until l've seen your
PLATFORM" she said as he finished
proposing. A couple Of hours later 1t
dawned upon the young mans mind
that she wanted TO know the amount Of
his salary.
A boyfsh novice in smoking turned
deadly pale and threw away his cigar.
"Said he: "Thar's somethiA' in that
air cigar that's made me sick" ~
know what It is," ssii his companion.
pulling away. "What H""Tobacker."
"Why don't 70 to Long Branch :"
exclaimed a sweet young thug OF sew
enteen the other day. because l
don't care for the seashcre. For my
part. | think the ocean is vastly over
rated, anyway !"
A man ont West was offered q plate
Of macaroni soup, but declined 1t, de-
claring that they couldn't play OF
any billed pipe stems on him"
II tAdam had been created a boy in.
stead Of full-grown man. he would
have dubbed all the apples of from that
tree before the serpent had chance to
get through the fence around the gard
en-.
A man ont West was offered plate
Of m acaroni soup. but declined ii, de-
claring that they couldn't play of
any billed pipe.stems on him."