Daily Republican., 1880-07-22
Rur AND ERoLIO.
Rneefious Fragments found Flea
ing in Fields of Fact and Fans

|
want to make any trouble, but there
one man in this city who ought to b
lgibbetsd," began blunt-spoken VIC
man of forty-fve as she stood befor
the oficisls of the Twentieth street sta
ton day or two age.
| When they inquired for particular
she handed out . letter and said ::
"0bserve the envelope. The letts
Is addressed to me. You will see tina
the writer calls me his jessamine. AM
he wants me to set an early date TO
the Wedding"
When the captain had finished tn,
letter, she was ready with another, ad
ding:
"And this is addressed to MY daugh
ter Lucretia. You will see that ht
calls her his rosy angel, and he says ht
can't live If she doesn't marry him. Il
Is the same man."
So 1t was, and his letter was as ten.
der as spring chicken. That finished
she handed out third, with the re-
mark:
"This is directed to my daughter
Helen. It's the very same man, and in
1t he calls her his pansy, and he says
he dreams Of her."
"Why he seems to love the whole
family" remarked the captain.
"That's just il. Pm a widow with
two daughters, and he was counting us
all at once, and engaged to the three
Of Us at the same time. Oh 7 what
wretches there are in the world !"
'Yes, indeed. It's lucky you found
him out"
"Yes 1t is. H. I, hadn't he might
have married the whole caboodle Of us.
II Lucretia hadn't opened one Of my
letters and II l hadn't searched the
girls pockets while they were asleep
we'd have thought him an innocent
lamb 7"
Sand do you want him arrested ~
emo, l guess not, but l want this
matter to 60 into the papers as warn
ing to other women. Just think of his
sitting up with me Sunday night,
Lucretia on, Wednesday night, and
Helen on Friday night, and calling
each one Of Us his climbing rose Oh,
sir, the women ought to know what q
deceiving animal man Is ~
"Yes, he's pretty tough"
at has learned me lesson" she
said as she was ready to 60. "The
next man that comes sparkling around
my house has got to come right out
and say which he's after. II IT'S the
girls l won't say nothing, and II it's
me 1t won't do 'em a bit Of good to
slam things around and twit me Of
buryipg two husbands !''-DstroitlFree
Press.
Dr.. BMHoNs, the able England
divine, met pantheistical physician
at the house Of sick parishioner. 1t
was no place for dispute. 1t was no
place for any unbecoming familiarity
with the minister. II was no place to
inquire into the age of the minister,
especially with any intent Of entang-
ling him in debate; and above all,
where the querist was too illogical Ter
any logical discussion. But the abrupt
question of the pantheist was: 'Mr.
Emmons, how old are youi" "Sixty,
sir; and how old are your" Gas old
as CREATION" was the triumphant re-
Spouse. "Thsn you are OF the same
age with Adam and Rve'" Certainly
l was in the garden when they vere."
81 have always heard that there was
third party in the garden with them,
but never knew before that It was
you."
One of our bsst-known operators has
a pretty daughter who is q bit of hoy
den. Brokers and bondholders are no.
torious for talking shop, and our opera
tor is no exception to the rule. OF
course Miss Tomboy has imbibsd the
jargon of the street, and Of course she
knows how to use her tongue. The
other night, at dinner, the young lady
split a goblet of water all over her
self. The head of the family framed a
stern rebuke, but was promptly check
ed by the chit With this explanation
ooh, let up, pa, 1 was merely watering
your stock"
THE YOUNG members Of the bar have
an amusing story aAoat touching the
Lord Chancellor. Lord Cairns, when
travelling from Oxford to London, was
enough to get into COM
partment Of the train which had to be
slipped at the Hanwell station. Find
ing himself thus left behind, and that
he would have to wait, his lordship
thought he would kill time by making
an inspection Of the famous lunatic
asylum, He accordingly presented
himself at the gate, rang The bell, and
was speedily accosted by a porter attired
in the well-known uniform Of the asy-
lum, who asked him what he wanted. !
"Oh," said the Chancellor, 81 merely |
want, as a IAstter Of curiosity and in
terest, to look through the establish.
ment /" "Where is your ordera" de-
manded the porter. To this his lordship
replied that he had. not obtained one,
but added, 81 shall not want one, and
you will merely have TO take my card
IS your authority for admitting me-"
My ORDERS" said the porter, "are not
to admit any one without a properly
signed order, and l must not leave my
post to carry in any cards." "But, my
man." responded Lord Cairns, II am
The Lord Chancellor Of Eogland;" upon
which the porter burst into a loud
Iaugh, and, with q comic leer in his
BYE, remarked, pointing with his thumb
backward in the direction Of the asy-
um, "Ws have three or four Lord
here, and Archbishops OF
Canterbury, too" However, subse-
1uent explanation secured his lord
hips admittance.
a coLoRsD individual whose left arm
as missing, was yesterday soliciting