Richland beacon., 1880-05-22
PASSING; SMILES.


THE latest acony--toothache at three
a. m.
4 MIIsFITTING coat is a lie out the
whole clOth.
How long does n widower mourn for
his WIFE? For second.
THE cau-e oi woman suffrage moves
slowiy-tut it moves.
The hen knows the man who robs her
ne.t. She is always laying for him.
A Dog which won't run from an ele-
phant will break his back to get away
from an oyster can.
4 QUEER old hen declined an invita-
ton to a gander party recently, for the
reason that the ganders did no. belong
to her set.
AN exchange speaks of the " reboom-
i;izatiOh." The fine for shooting the
English language full Of holes has got
to be increased.
TRYING to do business without adver-
tising is like winklng at girl in the
dark. You may know what you are
doing, but nobody else does.
A RICH and eccentric Partisan has
concluded search for some new pleas
ure by establishing private circus for
the amusement Of himself and friends.
A MAN who offered for 50 to put any
one on the track of paying investment
seated an applican, between the rails OF
the Boston aud Albany Railroad.
CONE here, loving wife Of mine,
Sit on NV knee, my dear,
Aud sew this cOar-button on
Before bust your ear.
THREE DAYS after baby is born every
body says, Ketchetty, ketchetty,"
and digs its ribs with forefnger.
Hence the prevalence of ill-temper in
adults.
A MICHIGAN boy committed suicide
because his mother scOlded MIN Tor
smoking. It's cheerful to remember
that there is another world where every
body smokes.
WORTH makes the man, but it takes
wheelwright to make the feliOe.-Hack-
insack Republican. Spoke in like gem
tleman. How proud your wife must be
of her "hub!"
JUST bear this truth in mind hOys.
and ponder at your will: It's better 20
owe your tailor forever than beat him
out of his bill. And that's what the
boys are doing.
"PHAT will ye do, Dennis, avic, when
the Chinase go? Will ye wurrak'" ."
Wurrak, is it? The divil a wurrak,
when | can get enuti omadhauns to pay
me for bowling"
A GERMAN traveller in Africa char
acterizes p people he came across as Sin
tensely black, dOlichOcephalic, and rla-
tyrhine, prOgnathOus, dichotOmatic and
dOlichOdOctvlic."
KEENNEss of taste is a great thing. A
Buffalo man who drank glass Of
whisky in Albany said he thought there
was no trouble with the liquor, but That
there had been water in the tumbier.
AN Illinois man, after living six
months in house, found a bag of dead
rats in ClOihes-prcss. He thought the
smell came from a greenhouse few
doors away.
It's easy! BY reversing a dog, we
make god! by reversing q rat, we
make tar! BY reversing pot, we
make top! But, show US the man who
does not get mad when there is dam to
be reversed.
A JUNIOR was heard to remark on a
recen; Sunday, after Professor had
preached an eloquent sermon: That
was splendid sermon. Cad! A hun
dred and eight single gestures and thir-
teen dOrblew
ANNETTA, am going to have COM
panv," says a belle of the Rue Breda to
her maid, land want you to 20 to the
fish market and get some rsh, some of
the best" "Yes'm." "Only don't buy
them from ma-she'll swindle YOU"
MOTHER, Is my chignon perfect7
Shape my panier-fx my sash
Johnny coming in the CLEANING,
And want Ia make a mash.
Ofard Republican.
He sat beside her on an old sofa, and
one of the wire coils slot up through
the covering, puncture1 his garments,
and went in amOpy the nerves and
things. She though. he was becoming
insane when he jumped six feet into the
invisible ether and yelled "the spring
has come, by JOvew
A YOUNG actress urges her friend,
Count x, to give fer splendid brace,
let she had long set her mind upon pos
sessinc. "Pll givei. to you," says the
Count, finally, but on.One condition
you must never wear it on the stage.
My wife might zee it if you did" "Oh,
1 i-e-and raise a row. "NO; make
me buy her one like ii"