The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1880-09-30
SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT.

One grain Of corn to the foot feels like
an acher roften.-Albany Argus.
What this country wants is less poll
tics and more pumpkin pie.-EtntrG
Free Press.
We are told that the doctors are daily
discovering new diseases. Let's abolish
the profession.-DetroH Post.
An exchange says that pumpkins are
considered quite the style this year, be-
cause they are genuine "old gold"
What is the reason that man cross
ing a muddy crossing always walks on
his toes and woman on her heslsP
To tell whether an egg is good or not,
open it quickly at the breakfast table,
and you are sure to find out.-BoSton
Globe.
A Berkshire county goat hates red so
that he ran three miles to butt gor-
geous sunset which he thought rested
on top of a hill and he was nightly dis
gusted when he got there to find it was
just as far off as ever Boston Post.
A meddlesome old woman was sneer-
ing at q young mothers awkwardness
with her infant and said: 81 declare,
woman never ought to have a baby un-
less she knows how to hold it," Nor a
tongue. either" was the quiet rejoinder.
-Yonkers Gazette.
"Bill. you young scamp, if you had
your due. you'd get good whipping"
l know it, daddy; bills are not always
paid when they are DUE" The agonized
father trembled lest his hopeful son
should be suddenly snatched from him.
-LooceU Sun.
''I wish could settle this confounded
Coffee" said an impatient traveller at a
railway restaurant. TRY a broom
stick, said nobby man with a
scratched nose. THAT is what every
thing is settled with at our house.
Boston Bulletin.
If this coffee is gotten up in board
ing-house style again tomorrow morn
ing. | think | shall have good rounds
for divorce" said cross husband, the
other morning. Il don't want any of
your saucer" retorted his wife. 6 and
what I've sediment. p Koko mo Tribune.
A young eel, that had been rated
nuisance and told by its relatives two or
three times one morning to '' get out, ]"
tied knot in its body and slid part way
through it Its mothers sisters coming
up and exclaiming, What now!' the
young Malacoptergian observed: "Oh,
you needn't concern yourselves about
me; I'm n moose. aunts." This fable
teaches whatever you like.-Fond du
Lac Reporter.
Well. I'm getting about tired of this
ERE life." said an ultra specimen of the
genus tramp "Going half-starved one
day and drenched to the skin another /;
sleeping one night in barn, the next
night under hedge, and the third in
the lookup: this life amt what it used
to be. Tell yer what It IS, boys, if 7
wasn't for the looks of the thing, I'd go
TO work. ."-BoS!On Transcript.
One of the most heartrending sights
is the young man who affects delicate
shades of clothes, cloth CATERS, immacu-
late cuffs and bosom, checked necktie OF
dainty colors, and stands on church
steps and hotel verandas, nibbling and
cribbing" the head of small cane.
We always feel like packing him in ex-
celsior and sending him home to his
grandmother HaU3a Register.
The seasons late
For loving mate
To spoon soft nonsense over gate.
We'd not berate
Ought foolish pate
For breaking hinges long with Kate,
For the aggregate
| Will never salt
OF moonshine taify at five-bnrred rate;
But ere it's too late
Beware the weight
Of the old mans cowhide-No. s.
-Peti oeum JPorl /.
Says the master Of the house to his
servant as LIE prepares to lock him self up
in his study and work: 81 am not 10 if
anybody calls-mind? A quarter of IN
hour later he rings the bell. No answer
He rings again. Still no answer. He
opens the door furiously and cries TO the
servant in the ante-chamber: Didn't
you hear me ring, you idiot?' Yes,
sir; but you had told me you weren't
word before yours, Sir"