The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-03-19

isalbe0 ne DIS nand OH tni Ough tie air,
And when the boy got lose from him
He had his spankache in the chair.
-Ex.
THOUGH you twist and turn and shift, cen
By the hour-you can't make Fifteen.
Puck.
THERE'S sleep for the eye that is fearful,
balm for the eye that is sad
And calm for the spirit that is fearful,
Aud for every iver-a pad.
Cincinnati Commercial.
OLEoMARGARINE diamonds are in the
market.
THE way to get over culinary diff
Guilty is 10 Bridget.
The beehive Is the poorest thing in
the world to fall back on.
IT is a mean man who will give cat q
bird stuffed with sawdust.
A DEFUscT Indian may be dangerous
because he is Lo dead.-Er.
IT has been discovered that there was
only one Lot in Sodom fit to build on.
OLD Cannon, who has been married
eight times, refers to his present wife as
his better eighth.
SEVEN dollars week with solitude
will pan out further than ten dollars
with twins.-Susan B. 4AnthOny.
OUR forefathers could not harbor the
idea of paying taxes on their tea, so they
compromised by harboring the tea.-
Yda0cu6 Strauss.
THE, house-fy. if in good health, can
lay ~, 900 eggs in q season. The Dan
bury Nc,0s thinks it pity fly can't
be grated on a hen.
THE czar-What is this see before
me? Is it bombshen or a double-bar-
relied shotgun? However, these fellows
emit hit the side of barn.
IT takes ninety colonies to start O
militia company in Mississippi. The
second step is to hold an election and re-
duce somebody to captaincy.
WHEN Chief Jack brought in three
prisoners to Los Pinos the other day
General Adams looked ont and exclaim-
ed: eli Lo! Jack and the game!''
A RICH man who had begun life as a
bOotblack happened to remark that he
had taken box at the opera, and some
one meanly asked him ii brush went
with it.
A YOUNG lady in Brooklyn is working
motto, "No Ice-Cream." She says:
"You know it is leap We, r, and the ice
crops failure, and the boys might as
we'll known it first as last"
THE DanJury Ne,os doesn't do much
in that line, nowadays, but it has con-
trived TO discover that there is no con-
nection between the long lost Kidd's
treasures and the Baby mine.
To book-worm: eve believe it was
an impoverished man who had big note
coming due, who wrote the supplication
beginning, Backward, roll backward,
o time, in your fight.-AtJany journal.
A New JERSEY milkman committed
suicide lost week by hanging himself in
got to water his milk that morning, and
the thought of it drove him to this rash
act.
and daughter penniless that he might
give Harvard college $4,000, had his
will bursted so quick that it almost turn
ed his grave around.-DetrOt Free
Press.
A PIG failed in his attempts to escape
from confinement by roofing away the
ground near the fence that held him
prisoner. He found the pen mightier
than the sward, remarks the New Orleans
Ptcayune.
AMERICA should look with dismay
upon these multitudinous attempts to
kill the car. They advertise him SO ex-
tensively that the next thing we know
he will come to this country on a lecture
tour. -NOrristOWn Herald.
THE poor illiterate fellow could hardly
have made better combination of blum
ders than when he said, meaning that he
had Polyglot bible with the Apocrypha
in it, that he had "just bought Polly
wog bible with Hypocrisy in it,
HEREAFTER we shall decline all invi-
tations to take breakfast with Mr.. Alex
ander, car of Russia. We never could
enjoy q meal when the dining table is
being blown through the roof by parcel
of alleged humorists, as it were.-Nor-
risto,Un Herald.
A BOY, after hearing Wendell Phillips
lecture, asked his father: "Pa, why
don't they give him an office-he seems
to know all about everything?" "He
can make more lecturiug," said the father
absent-mindedly. This was the youths
first lesson in patriotism.
"No, parson, probly never GIT cour-
age to iine de church. When a poor
darkey's spiritual wiser takes him down
in de riber and says, Il now capsize
thee and den ducks him under, it's
time dat darkey looks after hisself. You
don't play none OBJ dem games on me,
old man."
| AT dinner she had a doctor on either
hand, one of whom remarked that they
were well served, since they had duck
between them. eyes," she broke in
| hor NIT 10 nf tt,ot nrk That IN,
flashes" and am between two
quacks. And then silence fell.-Boston
Transcript.
GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA, shortly after
sailing from the shores of Erin, defer
entially asked an ancient mariner who
was swabbing the Cunard steamer
Scythia's quarter deck what he thought
of the then weather outlook. The reply
of the ancient mariner was oracular in
its ambi guilty, but still it was much to
the point: "Them as likes a good dinner"
quoth he, chad better get it to-day"
A BRIGHT and beautiful schoolboy in
Chicago astonished his teacher the other
day by stubbornly refusing to recite
saying that it was wholly unnecessary.
why, hoW 10 chlu tuO
female in charge of the class. "Be-
cause" said the boy, looking at her with
cold, piercing glance "every sucker
knows that history repeats ITSELF" Such
precocity is, indeed, sad.
A LANDSCAPE painter is making q
sketch of C peasants house-,lsual bit OF
tree and old roof sunk o little. The
peasant comes to look over the artists
shoulder. "You're getting along well,'
he says; "that's my house to the life.
There's is the big stone-I'd know it
anywhere" Artist continues his labor.
Peasant" Oh, say, if 1 were you I
wouldn't put in the other chimney. 1t
isn't worth the trouble. It smokes
abominably
THE wife of Norman peasant Is i'll.
A physician is called in. "Win you pay
me2" asked the mistrustful doctor.
ooh monsieur" says the husband,
holding up five louis, "kill her or cure
her, these are yours" The patient dies,
and the doctor demands the five louis,
Pardon |" says the widower. "Did
you kill my wife?" emo" "Did you
cure her?" "No, alas |" "Very well,
since You neither killed her nor cured
her, you did not stand by our agreement.
and I owe you nothing. "-Atmanach
Amusant.
RECENTLY well known barrister was
concerned in case where the question
invnlvod Voc ma IN the mental condition