The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-12-18
NO. 10.
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

: WHY not call q hanging necksecu-
ton ?"
WHEN trains are telescoped the poor
passengers zee stars.
Why is door like colored woman?
Becausa i is an egress. s
'Co4 and seam me; needle little Of
your aid, remarked the piece Of cloth to
The maiden fair.
CONSIDERING that kind words cost
nothing, what poor stock of them rs in
the domestic markets.
The young woman who Witnessed her
young man carriedaway by balloon saw
her beau of promise in the sky.
A KANSAS paper ends marriage
notice: "The couple left for the East ON
the night train where they will reside.
"LovE," says writer, 'lightens the
heart And il has been known to havo
precisely the same effect on the pocket
book.
IT is said That whit makes hen look
like penny when she Is sitting ON
fence is because she has head on ono
side and q tail on the other.
DANBuRy tells Of man who refused to
buy cyclopmdia II know" lie said,
II could never learn TO rido on one OF
the pesky things"
"NEvER borrow trouble, !" said hus-
band TO his wife. "Oh, let her borrow ID
II she can" exclaimed the ncxt-door
neighbor; 'she never returns anything,
you know"
GEoRaIE -four years old) ut the ten
table Mamma, may l have some sar-
dines2' Mamma--"Wait till I'm ready,
Georgia. Georgia Comprised why,
mn, its me mt wants emf
YES, Philip. II the young lady be
good tempered while suffering from what
her father calls tho epizootic, it is safe to
say TINT she will endure all the small ills
of lifein graceful why. Boston Courier.
LIouoRs are not among the things nj
lowed to be entered at agricultural fairs.
The anxiety of all the directors to be
judges OF that department, and a fight
to settle 1t wero found to be disasterous
whom tried.
A NEBRASKA Indian contrived to swal-
low lot OF dynamite, and now he can
stand around the corners and call white
man anything ho chooses, without being
kicked for his insolence. They're shy Of
Earring MN even. a8
MAMMA--"Why my dear Willie, what
In the world is the matter with little Os-
cars hend?' Willie--"Weh,w we're play
in William Tell, and somehow my ar
row won't hit tho apple, but keeps plug
gin his eyes and nose"
The word love in ono Of the Indian
dialects is Observation-Disclosures
This accounts for the fact that Indians
never have but one sweetheart at time.
You couldn't expect n man to attend to
two chemlendamoughka affairs
at once. --Bost0i Port
AN Irish porter, closing shop one
rainy evening, took off bis GOAT while
putting up tho shutters. When asked
why he went out in his sliirt-sleeves in
the rain. ''surc," said he, don't want =
dry coat to gohome in 2" !gl8ap
II USDERsTAsp," said the Galveston
Recorder, "tliat you are confirmed
drunkaid. "Dat's whar you is too soon,
Jedge ] amt been confirmed in no
church yit, but de Blue Light RaptiseH
is gibbing Satan o heap oh worry about
NO." 1855 aeNs5i 8aa 81 I'll
A LADY wants to know why the rail-
road companies do not provide special
oars for tobacco chewers as well MS for
smokers. Bless your innocent hearti
Tobacco chewers are not SO particular az
that. An ordinary passenger car Is good
enough for them. sHes nAb
A MEMPHIs man wanted to kill mos
quito on the back Of q friends neck, and
! without stopping to mention his design,
hit the insect belt, and when his friend
got up and brushed tho sand out Of hts
mouth and eyes four men had to hold
him while the matter was explained.
Tony had sly on his eye, and be-
coming annoyed at the frequentinquiries
Of his friends regarding it, he wrote on
card which he pinned conspicuously on
the lnpel OF his coat the following:
'Sty; had it about two weeks; hurts like
blazes!" This effectually shortened all
conversation on an unpleasant subject
''CAN you .koep secret2" said Mr..
Middlerib, impressively, looking at his
wife. '1ndeed l can," she exclaimed
eagerly, running across tho room that
she might cling to the lapels Of his coat
while she listened. "Well." said the
brutal man, ''you can do q great deal
more than can, then. never could
remember one long enough to tell 1t"
Two friends from tho interior put up
at Galveston hotsl and were given one
room. The man In the next room over
heard the following conversation, about
daybreak next morning: II say, Bill, arc
you awake ?" tive been wide awake for
the last two hours" LEND me five doh
lars p GIVE dozed or again" IT knew
you were lying whom you said You were
wide awake -ts