The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-02-14
VARIETIES.

-Aclds and pickles are usually the
contents of the family jar.
The difference between a sea and
a saw is in tense. Boston transcript.
If wishes were fishes what a whal-
ing time we would have. Nc Greqor
NeUs.
:" A movement in wool''-A "col-
ored brother scratching his head
Puck.
Smith is Governor of Maine. We
knew that man would come to some-
thing some day.-Puck.
The serpent bracelet is the latest.
IL Is kind of beau-a constructor
Commercial Advertiser.
No kissing by telephone for us. We
prefer to take the electricity direct from
the battery. Whitehall Times.
1t makes boy mad to observe that
many people who write books are so
ignorant they spell humble bee with an
h.-Hdwk-Eye.
There Is another scion of ROYALTY
getting himself ready for the pistol of
the assassin. The second son of Queen
Victoria plays the ddle.-HasOk-Ey
-Gerty Hosmer, a fifteen-years-old
girl OF Leadville, secretly got married
to two fellows, and then killed herself
with poison because her parents criti-
cised her.
"A man stabbed another with a
scissors yesterday in Brooklyn. 1t is
always dangerous to interrupt a person
who is writing editorials. Buffalo
Courier.
There" said a charming lady,
with naive expression, that made her
face radiant, pointing to an ebony case
OF chlnaware, that is my 6ricb-6at
cabinet"
The present Governor of Colorado
was once respectable carpenter. -Neao
OrIeone Ptcaywne. That's right-kick
man when he is down. Louisville
Co~rter-JourmGl.
"A witness in court was asked if a
party to a suit was a truthful man.
ono, " he answered, "he'd rather lie
at sixty days than tell the truth for
cash. "-Ktngstos Freeman.
"A bright little fve-years-old miss
was taken to the barn to see some
sheep, and, after looking at them for a
moment, she exclaimed: go! Auntie,
see! The sheep all wear their hair
banged"
The consumption of writing paper
in the United States is one and three
quarter tons per day for 1000, 900 in
habitants, which would make the ae-
gregate daily consumption about
eighty-six tons.
Said parent to his little son who
had committed some act of indiscretion,
"Do you know that 1 am going to whip
youP' eyes," said the boy, "I sup
pose you are. because you are bigger
than am"
The question is continually being
asked, "What shall we do with our
boysP" The people know what to do
with their boys, but the trouble appears
to be that the boys won't let them do it.
-DonaeIsonvtIe Sentinel.
"A Maine man who didn't care two
shakes of lambs tail about the news
papers rode fourteen miles through q
fierce snowstorm to get a copy of a
weekly that spoke of him as 'promi-
nent citizen. "-BoSton Post.
-" Kind words can never die" How
bitterly does man realize that terrible
truth when he sees all the kindest words
he ever saw in his life glaring at him
from his published letters in breach
OF promise suit.-HaoOE- Eye.
Says the New Haven Register: GA
woman with a red petticoat was mis-
taken for danger signal by the en-
gineer of railroad train; but hold,
perhaps he wasn't mistaken after ALL"
No, it might have been his wife.-OI
CSty Derrick.
OF 4, 430m miles of new railroad built
last year no less than 3,187 miles
more than the total completed in the
country in 1878-was west of the Mis-
sissippi. Only one State (Ohio) east
of the Mississippi built as much as 200
miles of road.
The Comgregationalist tells of a
washerwoman who, being commended
by her pastor for her regular attend
said: eyes, after my hard weeks work
is done l git so rested to come to church
and sit and think about nothin'."
"A Detroit damsel was offered
sixty dollars if she would wear an apron
made of bed-ticking when she stood up
to be married, and she went right off
and selected husband and won the
money. The young man that won that
girl. is going to be rich.-EIn,trG Free
Press.
-"Ma, does pa kiss you because he
loves you SOP" inquired a little boy of
his mother. "To be sure my son; but
why do you ask that question:" Well,
1 guess he loves the kitchen girl, too,
for seen him kiss her mere'n forty
times, last Sunday, when you were to
church"
Papa" said he, as he was shown
some pictures in book Santa Claus
had left him, "papa, why does camels
have such big lunches on their backsP"
The information received not being
very satisfactory, he at length solved
the difficulty himself. "Why, know,
papa" SAID he, "it's SOS they'll be
camels." Which must be the reason.
--ELmira advertiser.
An unsuitable present for rich
man: a razor, because then he is