The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-01-06
HUMOROUS.

| a WEATHER pROrIET.--A pleasant
| anccGotc Is Iold Of Partridge the ccIc-
DRAFTED almanac maker. In travelling
| on nor 'ebnck into tho country he stop
ped for lis dinner at an inH, ana after
ward called for his horse that he might
reach the next town where hc ihtend-
to sleep.
''If yon would take my advice, sir"
SAID the worthy hostlcr, as lie was about
to mount his horse, ''You will stay
whore you arc for the night, as You
will surely be ovcr:akpn by pcltlng
rain."
"N Nunsense, nonsense" said the al
manac-maker, "there is Il siXpense for
you my honest fellow, AMI good after
noon to you."
lie proceeded on his journey, and
sure enough he was we'll drcnchcd i'm Il
heavy shower. Partridge was struck
with the mans prediction, and being
always intent on the interest OF his al
manac, he rode back on the instant,
and was received by the hostler with n
broad grin.
"Wcll, sir, you see was right after
ALL"
eyes, my lad, you have been go, and
here Is crown for you: but | give 1T
to on condition that you tell mt how
you knew Of this rain"
"TO be sure, sir" replied the man;
"why the truth Is we have an almanac
in our house called 'Partrdgc's Alma
nae and the fellow is such Il notorious
liar, that whenever he promises us u
tine day we always know that It will
be the direct contrary. Now, your
honor, this, the 21st Of June, Is put
down In our almanac indoors as 'set-
tied flnc weather, no rain.' looked
at that before brought your horse
sut, and so was enabled to put you on
your guard,
ARCTIC CuEEK.-A hundred years
from now Baldwin's Hotel, in San
Francisco, will be cut up into canes,
and tho latter sold at dollar apiece rs
relies of building in which was cx-
hihitcd the most colossal instance OF
arctic cheek in American annals. n
gorgeous vclvet-ycstcd aud cut-gIass-
diamond-pin stranger from Chicago
was requested to leave the house after
1t WAS discovered thWt the only effect
for two weeks board bill he pos
scsscd was II carpet-bag containing Il
pnir Of old soci>s uIIi busbcl of saw
dust.
"Ilow dare YOU suggest such
thing" said the guest, twirling his
oroidc chain. ~ am Chairman of the
Chicago Committee to receive Grant.
Don't you know prominent citizen
when you see one?''
elf you don't go,s' said the Imperial
bic clerk, "wc'll have to fire you out"
"By whose authority do you pcrpc-
trate this outrage, sir2 BY what"
"By the nape Of the neck and the
seat OF your trOuscrE," Interrupted
the clerk, firmly, and he rang for
porter.
"Vcry we'll, sir, under the circum-
stances, III go, but mind yon, young
man, dont let this occur AGAIN :" and he
walked loitily out.
AN old lawyer in Philadelphia long
had the reputation Of being the most
courteous man III the city, because he
was always SO polite to his wife when
he chancedlo meet her in the street;
but an ungcner0us foe at last discov-
cred and mado known the fact that
the ola lawyer was ncar-sighted and
nistOok his wife for some other yOm-
an.
WIFE wanted her husband to SYM
pathize with her in Il feminine quarrel
but he refused, saying, "I've lived
long enough to know than one woman
Is AZ good IA another, If not better"
"And J." retortcd the wife, "have liv-
ed long enough to know that one man
Is as bad as another, If not worse -
LADY will beat grocer down on
half pound of mustaLd, but she will
always give peddlcr his price.
No matter how honest or upright the
small boy may be, his mother prefers
to Lccp the pantry containing the pies
locked.
THE boy who takes deliberate aim a,
bird and lets fly and blows his head
Off will be heard from shortly.
The man with the fine country resi-
dcncc Is not putting on so many airs
as he did four months ago.
The more costly and delicate the
stockings. the moro a young lady Is in
different to wind.
tr Is always The scarfpin with the
most brass OH 1t that finds the readiest
sale.
IIIE Utes are not Of a literary turn,
but 1t is said that they are all we'll rcd.
No boy IS too high-toned to 90 shoot
ing with aseventy-fivc cent pistol.
pawn his straw hat.
-
CAUSE AND EFFECr.-Thp main cnuS,
OF nervousness Is indigcstior, and thai
u caused by weakness OF the stomach.
Noone can have sound nerves and g,o,.
health withou, using Hop Bitlers to
;S,rcn%thon the stomach, purify the
ploou, and keep tho llvor aud kidneys
act!ve, to carry OF all the poisonous
ana waste matter Of the system. Sec
other column.
A FvfoRIrE CoUGH REMEDY.-For
Colds, Sore Throat, Asthma, Catarrh
and other diseases OF the bronchial
tubes, no more useful article can be
found than the wcll-known "Bro,on's
Bronchial Troohes.
The price of soap Is rapidly advanc-
Ing. a years supply Of D0BBINs'
hx>,, .1NA.