Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-01-12

We are apt to consider an act wrong
because it is very unpleasant to US.
A little boy was asked if he had a
good memory. NO." said he, "but
have good forgetary,"
The man who pays more for shop rent
than for advertising don't understand
his business.-HOrace Greeley.
A Dutchman being asked how often
he shaved, replied: Dree times week.
etfery tay but Soontay; den l shaves
effory tay.
A facetious old lady, describing the
rambling sermons of her minister. said
'1f the text had the smallpox, his SER
mon wouldsnever catch it,
1t was quaint old .ThomasI Fullerlwho
said: There are fools with little heads
and there are fools with big heads; in
the one case there is no room for so much
wit, and in the other case there is no
wit for so much room"
One of the greatest mysteries of ma
ture is the whole in the heel of stock
ing. How it gets there no one knows !;
the need of 1t no one sees; the philoso-
ply of it no one can explain; the logic
is, Darn it p
A Boston preacher said: "The little
good any of US can do must be done
with our hearts humping against our
fellow men," And every young woman
in church looked at every other young
woman and smiled approvingly.
At an inquest in certain part of the
north of England, on man who had
been drowned, the policeman giving his
evidence was asked by the coroner if
means hab been taken to resusciate the
body. "Oh, yes sir, we sarcheed his
pockets!"
Flinging an old shoe after the bride il
a very pretty custom, says an exchange
Yes, there is nothing Objectionable in it
But this practice of flinging heavy boot
containing the foot of the girls father
after would-be-bridegroom, is despica
bic fashion. 1t should be frowned down
Jersy justice is not always dealt ou
with entire consistency, if we may draw
any deductions from the recent charg,
of an Hibernian dispenser of law to tn,
jury. He said Gentlemen of the jury
acardin to larr and the Evidence, tn
case should 60 to the defndint but, a
cardin' to eqnity, give it to the plain
tiff"
A popular concert singer. advertise,
to participate in an etertainment Ing
village in Missouri, excused her absenc
on the ground of having cold in he
head, and the next day received th
following from an admirer: "This
gouse grese. Melt it and rub it on tn
bridge of yore noze until kured. l lu
you to distraxshun."
; Several yonng men were sitting togeth
er, and young lady happened to az
proach the vicinity. One 'real sweet
young fellow, seeing. as he supposed, th
. yonng lady looking at him. remarked
playfully, and with becoming simpel
"Well, Miss, you needn't look at m
as though you wanted to eat me-" "Ol
no." sweetly replied the young lady, +"
never eat green's.
On railway line recently passer
ger stopped the conductor and asked =
8 why don't you 60 faster ?" ats rur
:; fast enough to suit us. If you don
e like the rate of speed, get off and walk
was the rejoinder. Il would" reptile
d the passenger, settling back in his sea
"but my friends wouldn't come for n
until the train comes in, and | don
: want to be waiting round the station fl
two or three hours
;. A number of girls in a neighborir
town organized charitable and bene
RS olent association, and the father of OIL
!. " of them gave her S25 to help along
p the good work. She added S75 to b
" fathers contribution and relieved
great deal of real distress by purchasir
: herself sealskin sacque. A girl wi
a new sealskin sacque can render mo
1s Ss assistance to the deserving poor than OIL
ID who is obliged to wear her last winter
., $50 coat.-NOrristoscn Herald.