Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-09-17

not touch my new variety, "flor1df
Grape" which hangs full of clusters,
and promises great crop.-G. f. W. IN
Massachusetts, PlOughnaan.
CURRENT NOTES.
docs the conversation and carriage OF
your new minister become the Gospel p
asked learned bishop of a simple mind
ed farmer. "Well," was the reply ''his
conversation is rather fluid and he don't
keep a carriage"
1t is very well to believe in everlasting
punishment, but the really good man be-
! lieves it because it is true, and he cannot
help accepting it. Some people. how
ever, are like the staunch old Calvinist
who said that the Universalists expect
that everybody will be saved, and then
added, ''But We Calvinists look for better
things
1t was Douglas Jerrold who showed
that the English language is quite able to
express the most intense emotion by say
ing of n man who had proved himself a
thorough scoundrel, ''He would sharp
en- knife upon his fathers tombstone to
kill his mother"
1t WAS pretty difficult to cope with Cur
| ran when ne was completely reused, and
quite impossible to ignore the sting Of
his sarcasm. On one occasion, however,
he met his match in Sir Boyle Roche.
Curran had been exceedingly irritated by
some criticism and said to Sir Boyle
Roche in tone of whitening contempt,
81 am quite capable of acting as the
guardian of my own honor" Sir Boyle
turned toward his companions and re-
marked, 81 have always been under the
impression that Mr.. Curran was an enemy
to sinecures."
Lord George Gordon once asked Sell
wyn to have him chosen again for Parlia-
ment from district which Selwyn gov
YOU replied Selwyn, bluntly. "Oh,
yes" said my lord, ''if you recommended
me they would have me. if l came from
the coast of Africa" That" answered
Selwyn, depends on what part of the
coast you came from. They certainly
would have you gladly if You came from
the Guinea coast.
Miss Flirtington-"Yes,I like the place
very much, Major; you have such Jolly
set of men down here" The Major
"Yes, awfully jolly. You'd better steel
your heart, Miss F'lirtington, in case of
accidents" Miss F.-"While I'm about
it, Major, I'd rather steal somebody else's,
don't you know? w?"-Fun.
"In closin' dis meetin," said the old
man, as the usual hour was marked by
the clock, "let ebery one O. you bar in
mind dat blowin up a bladder doan'
mo Iorl Ill ~,
you may and its muffin but bladder
De Lawd made each one for speshul
purpose, an de chap who was created to
use shovel will git busted ebery time he
believes dat he was cut out fur states
man. We will now be scattered. DE
troH Free Press.
The Paris fast men have adopted new
method of responding to the hack drivers
who hold out their hand and demand
pour Joire They look at the driver with
calmness and reply, Il am the President
of a temperance society"
'If Jones undertakes to pull my ears"
said loud-mouthed fellow on street
corner, che will Just have his hands full
The crowd looked at the mans ears and
smiled.
A Leadville gambler advertises in hand
bills as follcws: Keno, as played at
Wyman's, is very honest, upright and
religious game 1t is religious, because
Wyman don't allow any one to swear or
to make those vulgar expressions some
times used in playing keno 1t is re-
spectacle, because the Rev. Mr.. Talmage
was in the other evening to see the game.
Wymap has mail, no noise or .-a;,l.la- he
cause he treats all his customers to the
finest liquors and cigars free also hot
free lunch three times day Therefore
there is nothing for any one to quarrel
about.
He got out OF the car at the depot, and
a hack driver put the usual question to
him 4: "Have hack, sir 2" He had
heard of the Iberality of the Galveston
people before, SO he was not surprised.
He looked at the turnout carefully.
Have hack, sir 2" Not if have got |
to take the horses too, he drawled out 4
Netcs
One time last winter Col. Ingersoll
ture punishment. He roomed on the |
same corridor with a young man who was
to play the cornet, and he said
one morning there were some things in
the Old Testament prophecies and de- |
that were full of the sweetest
comfort to man Of revengeful nature,
who had suffered greatly, and he would
not deny it
An old salt, when asked how far north |
he had ever been, replied that he had
been so far north that 1.-The cows when
MIXED beside red hot stove gave ice
cream
Don't you think the weather is very
said Miss Fitzioy as she leaned |
on Mr.. Toplofty's arm. "Weally, can
not say always, aw, go in when it |
wains, aw." Then he does know that |
much - said she, in very low aside
Ne,c Haren Register.
Horsemen believe that Maud s. will |
soon attain speed SO terrific that a
straight track will be necessary TO pre- |
vent her running into the rear Of her own
sulky.-ChcdanaG Saturday Night.
A correspondent Of the New York San,
III answer to another correspondents in |
1ulry for something to keep the hair |
down, suggests the followingpreparation, |
which he asserts positively will be effect |
ual {: Quarter pound of common glue, |
one quart Of hot water and two ounces of |
rosin. Melt them together in shallow
lish, add an ounce Of oil of bergamot, |
and apply freely to the hair, it will keep |
the hair down.
A scene in picture gallery shows a
model model in man who serves as a |
model for an artist, and in the artist alb |
scnce explains the picture TO lady visit |
Or. "From whom did Mr.. McGlip paint |
that head 2 From yours obediently,
madam. | sit for the eds of all il oily |
men" He must find you very useful
person. ''Yes, madam; | order his
frames, stretch his canvas, wash his |
brushes, set his palette and mix his col |
ors. All he's got to do is to shove 'em
On.
WISE PROVISION or NATURE.
'Tis said that thirty inches span
The average woman's waist,
And just so long the arm OF man.
So, when 'iis snugly placed
Around the damsel whom one treasures,
There Is conformity Of measures.
How admirable are thy works,
q Nature, kind ani dear i
For, spite OF all thy kinks and quirks,