davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
COurtlnG A DOotrSss.


| and being courted at the same.'time. Dir.
William Budd was attending the latter part
Of the business. One evening while they
were sitting In the front parlor, Mr.. Budd
was thinking how he should manage to
propose. Miss Flynn was explaining certain
physiological facts to him.
''Do you KNOW" she said, 'that thous-
ands Of persons are actually ignorant of tho
fact that they smell with their olfactory
peuunclc2"
''Millions of 'em, " replied Mr.. Budd.
And Aunt Mary wouldn't believe mo
| when l told her she couldn't wink with
out a sphincter muscloi"
elbow unreasonable"
''Why person cannot kiss without a
sphincteH"
'Indeedl'
81 know it is so"
"May try If can7'
ooh, Dir. Budd, 1t is too bad for you to
make light Of such subject"
hIr. Budd seized her hand and kissed
it. She permitted it to remain In his
grasp. .<
II didn't notice" he said, "whether 3
-a-what you call lt7-a sphincter helped
me then or not Let me try again9"
Then he tried, again. and while he held
| her hand she explained 10 him about the
muscles of that portion of the human
| body.
''It ls remarkable how much you know
about such things" said Mr.. Budd,-
s'really wonderful. Now, for example,
what is tho bone at the back Of the head
called2"
"Why the occipital bone of course"
"And what are the names of the muscles
| Of the arm2"
''The ,spiralis and the infra spiralis among
Others" ~
s'Well now let me show you what I
mean. When l put my infra spiralis
around your waist, 80, 1t is your occipital
bone that rests upon my shoulder blade,
in this way2"
| MY back hair primarily, but the occip-
ital bone of course, afterward. But oh,
MIR. Budd, suppose pa should come in and
see us2"
''Let hrm come! Who cares2" said Mr..
Budd, boldly. IT think I'll exercise a
aphincter again and take kiss
MIR. Budd how can you2" said Miss
Flynn, after he had performed the feat.
| ''Don't call me MIR. Budd call me vii.
lie," he said, drawing her closer. ''You
accept me, don't your l know you do,
darling
"Wilie," whispered Miss Flynn faint
ly.
"What, Darlingp"
| 81 Can hear your heart beat"
''lt beats only for you, my angel"
| And 1t sounds to me out of order.
The venticular contraction Is not uni
form."
''Small wonder for that when its bursting
for JOY"
''You must put yourself under treat
ment for it. will give you some mcdi-
cine."
'It's your own property. darlsng; do
what you please with It, But somehow
the splncter operation Is the one that strikes
me most favorably. Let us see how IL
works again"
But why procceda The old, old story
was told again, and tho old, old perform
ance OF the muscles of Mr.. Budd's mouth
enacted again and again. and a wedding
followed, of course.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
Quick on the Trigger,

''You will please Observe" said old Mr..
Lambwell, as he led us through his school
the other day, ''that the boys arc required
to display the utmost attention to quictncss
and discipline, and IN short time become
divested of that most annoying disposition
to tease each other, In short, they soon set
tie down in all the gravity OF mature years,
under the wholesome system have intro
duced."
We at this moment arrived In front of
several boys who were standing around a
bucket of water, and one had just charged
his mouth v ith the contents of tin cup,
while the old gentleman v'as stopping to
recover his pen from the floor, when an
other passing behind, snapped his finger
quickly beneath the drinkers ear, and
caused him by a sudden start to eject the
contents Of his mouth over the pcdagogue's
bald pate. Starting upright, with his hair
and face dripping, the master shouted:
'Who did ,hat7"
The party unanimously cried out, "Jim
Gun, sis."
"Jim Gun, you rascal, what did you 90
that fort"
Jim, appalled, at the mischief he had
done, muttered out that 1t was not his fault,
but that Tom Owens had snapped him.
This changed the direction Of old Lamb.
wells wrath, and shaking his cane portcnt-
ously over Ovens head, he asked.
''Did you snap Gun7"
The culpritS trembling with fear MUIR
oaured:
Yes, sir: snapped GUN but didn't
know he was loaded"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
Somebody Drunk.

Attached to the theatre of Philadelphia
along about 1910, was Charles Webb, an ex-
cellcnt actor and a man of good principles,
although given to occasional excess in
drinking. 1t was remarkable that when
under the influence of liquor this gentle
man was rigidly exact and formal in his
department and enunciation. Miss Tree
was performing IN the old Chestnut Street
Theatre. The play was "Thc Gamester, {"
Miss. Tree playing the devoted wife, Mrs.
.Bepcrty--one of these performances which
few of her admirers can ever forget. Mr..
Webb was playing StuEety, the villain, and
IN one OF the most interesting scenes, In
| consequence of having taken too much sher-
ry at his dinner, he was somewhat oblivlous
"f the language of the part. Miss Tree
gave him, as 1t ls termed, 'the word" sew
| eral times, which Webbtook up with so much
politcness and formality as to render the
scene ridiculous, considering the stern vii
lHiny OF the character and his hateful relation
to Mrs. Beverly. Finally, the audience
became aware Of the true state of the case,
and, as usual, In spite of their respect for
the lady, began to litter, while some Kissed.
Miss Tree was compelled at last to walk up
the stage and take seat. with her back to
hlr. Webb. BY this time Webb had began
to feel how matters stood, and, thoroughly
polite man under any circumstances, no
was now overwhelmingly punctilious, and
with assumed sobrlety of tone, though bcs-
tatlng In articulation and rather unsteady
In his walk, he approached the footiights
with low bow and said: Ladies' and
gentlemen, l am anxious to remove from
your minds an evident misunderstanding
concerning the true state of affairs existing
On this stage. | see--indecd I feel-I may
say very scnsibly realize the fact that you
perceive the fact that somebody here is
inlox--intoxica-; that is, IN palmer words,
drunk Now, ladies and gentlemen, allow
me to say that justice compels me to assure
you, for fear your Impressions should lead
you to an erroneous conclusion--to assure
you, say, that whoever is guilty of the
unpardonal'lel impropriety have alluded
TO-, on the honor Of q gentleman, believe
me, the offending party Is not Miss Ellen
Tree" =
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
Indian MHrkBm d nshlp.

Glass ball shooting aud various other
exhibitions of skillful manipulation Of par
or rifles arc attracting considerable atten
tion in Ban Francisco, particularly in the
case OF Otto, son OF Joseph, the Ncz
Perces Chief, The incidentals for the
shooting exhibition consisted of triangu-
lar wooden franc, at the apex of which a
poster, representing tho figure of a man,
had been pasted, piece of glass about ono
inch square, inserted for an eye, and at tho
other corners of tho tripngle set of brass
knobs were inserted in the frame. On either
side, above and below, slanting iron plates
were fixed to CROSS bars, and numbers of
glass balls hnng at various distances from
each other. The arst experiment consists
of bhndfold shooting. A nickel five. cent
piece was glued to the figure, and the o lrg
sharpshootec, blindfoded, turned around
In various directions, and was finally placed
in direct line Of the object with a rife
minus sight, and at distace of some
twenty-five feet. The first shot sent the
nickel flying around the room, and on ex-
animation ar indentation was found Oh its
very edge. The second test consisted of
placing small piece Of tinted paper on the
glass used as an ego for tho figure, and
then placing large piece Of card board IN
front OF and touching it 80 that 1t was COM
pletely hidden from view. The shooter
was again blindfoldcd, and the first shat
tered the glass, the bullet having passed
through the very center Of the tinted paper.
There were. various other tests, such as
| breaking three swinging balls by ono shot
and breaking ball placed Immediately be-
hind the attendant, the ball, owing to pre-
vious contact with the brass knobs or iron
plates, taking a circutous coIrse.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
right to Boston by the first train In the

I'Sut W Doston ny tHe HrSt Train IN the
morning."
Allen stopford's face changed color vic.
lently, in tho dusk. In spite of it's harsn-
ness, he had recognized Mab's voice. He
was painfully confused, but not too much
30 to find another chamber, which he en-
tered and laid Lucy. gently down among
the pillars OF the white bed.
Then for one little moment hc laid his
cheek against that cold and colorless one.
Ii Lucy could have seen his eyes then, she
would not have doubted that she was dear
to him.
''Here's eamphor, and ammonia, and a
cordial, and red lavendarl" cried Aunt Lu-
cretia. bursting in; and she shau't stir of
that bed till she is bettcr!''
Allen wandered alone around the garden
Till morning. He saw the light burn out
in Lucy's chambr.
johnny Bottles and the housenad were
around the house, where. In the cool dawn,
he sat, immovably and moody, in an
arbor.
Suddenly he saw tho front door
opened. Alab, arraycd for travelling, issued
forth, and Went down the road toward the
station. ....f ....
'fou can send my trunk by express"
'AAN oes - w ocA1C ouC "uO ClUStU lnG uOOC
behind her.
Did Allen start up and follow her2 He
had not the slightest inclination. He waited
until 1t was little later, and then walked
to the village and sent the doctor te visit
Lucy.
But Aunt Lucrctia was doing all tha,
could be done for weakness induced by
nervous prostration and slccplessncss. The
red lavender was sufficient.
When Lucy came down again, there
seemed new heaven and a now earth.
B1ab was gone. Allen had never been 80
tender, and she was too weak at first to do
aught but succomb to tenderness which
anticipated her every want. But by-and-
bye they could talk together.
"Dlab's conduct was shameful" said
Allen.
You said you thought you loved her
that night, Allen2"
"Well, if did was greatly mistaken.
was begulled," said Allen, wofully, with
a contemptous curl of his lips, either fol
Nab or himself.
And Lucy, being woman forgave him.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-16
TRI-WEEKLY EDITION.
AS1ERs.

Walled In with fire on either hand
walked tho lone y wood-road through
Tho naples flame above my head,
y And spaces whence tho wind has shed
About my feet the living red
Are filed with broken blue. .,
And providing close along the wsy .
The purple asters blossom free, 81
In full profusion far and wide
They fill the path on every eide,
In loose confusion multiplied
To endless harmony.
The Autumn wood tho aster knows,
Tho empty nest, the wind that grleves.
The sunlight breaking through tho shade,
The squirrel ohattering overhead,
The timid rabbits lighter tread
Among tho rustling leaves.
And still beside the shadowy glen
She holds the color Of the skies
Along the purpling wayside steep
She hangs her fringes passing deep,
And meadows drowned in happy sleep
Are lit by starry ejes.
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13

A CHRISTMAS Observation-Disclosures: why,
whatever "a thar smell Jane I" Jane Pease MN, the
brady got spilted, and II done my best with the
pmdden but Tm afraid 1t don't fare nice with paralu"
- Funny Folks.
wealthy gentleman, whose passion for dia-
mon ds Is welt remembered by his friends, was In the
habit OF carrying about with him magnificent stone,
wrapped up In piece of paper. One day he dropped
into Saos bsEaar and showing TO the proprietor.
asred him what he thought 1t WORTH The proprie-
to urncd 10 Of the young ladies who had charge Of
the ewelry" counter aud asked her what II worth
She az II closey ss color and weight and
sDsijy said. slowly Wei, fit was little smaller.
thai we might get tbiryssven cents for t"lBoston
CouIicIs
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
HllsrellGneous.

CASU PAID for OLD NEWSPAPERS,
" hooks, PAMPHLETS, RAGS ROPE and BAuGING
COPPER RRAsS, LEAD ZINC, PEWTEhTYPE METAl.
FI.ItCTROTYE PLATES, STEREOTYPE PLAIlS; TN
FOIL. TEA LEAD and OLD METAL OF every descrlptOh'
Orders by mail punctualy attended TO.
""' ' " ' ' STOCRWELI.
No Annst. N. Y,
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
Q O'CLOCK TO CLOSE Og BUSINESS

3 O'CLOCK p. ".
y Y LAKE II & WIN
l72i.43 i2l2s0O.43
3SW.43ssl 100. .43 q
linn 1olaIlnn III
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
Cost an0 ionm0.

DVERTISEMENTS FOR THE NEW
"A YORK TRIBUNE WILL M RECEIVED At THE
P.TOWN OFFICES. 40 LBS Broadway cor Ihriyhr
81 IOS Twenty t'iii-tf. corner tlslth'lAe.
No o2 Fast Fourteeuthst. corner UnonsquarG 7SD
1hri ave- cor Fory-scveuthst AT the HAHLtM ptFl'fs
Thirdaye one hundrc andt"cny ourth ST.
0arlem savings Bank Building - 10 y III" Al regular
onlce
=! OST.-Bank book NO. 1868, 800 Bank for
-ayugs % Hlccckcrst, NOV Ofk; payment stopped
please Tolum book to bans.
OST.-Bank book No. 30, 445, issued by
tho ,;rrman SAVINGS Rank In the city o NcwN ork, 81
Lnhrim Bricknrr and ChatiOa Riickner is missing The
t,c or holder requested to deliver II 10 the
bank II not before the st day Of March, looO a
pArafion viii bc made 10 the bank for a new book
OST. Bank book No. S1,S71, issued by
Tie German Savings Bank In IN" CRY Of NeWl OK 10
The MoDtoa Fraurt KfInsen UntcTstuzungs Ncren ino
ndr r requested odcvcr 10 at u Bank IL not restored De-
orc the February 1885, application Will be made 10 tho
Bank TOT rev boos
r OST.-Bank book No. 1886 of the Ger
man savings Bank. The finder ~ requested 10 leave
a. me hank II found Restored before the st or De-
ccber 1879 application Will be mldc to the bank oi new
book.
OST.-Bank Book No. Ill. .S47, issued by
the German savings Bank. In the CITY OF NcwNork, 20
charlie. pahde Is missing The finder or holder o the book
f. renursed deliver IL to the Bank III not restored before
he fh January 1850 Application VIII DO made To the
Bank for new book
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
Sales bn Antiion.

SALE at PUBLIC AUCTION will be held
an tho 2l Al day OF January 1880 by Messr BU RDkTr
Ms att No. 80 Buthug slip, at 10
o'cock A. I Of bonded and unclaimed merchandise, winch
80 ,ewainrd In warrhonpe beyond the period ailwed by
law DESCRIPTIVE lists Of which may be found n thr Rotunda
80 tbc Custom and at No IL StOnc s Tho koOs may
b s. at the arrhOuse No II stone ST. on MONDAY anu
TiESpAY Januafy 10 and 20, from 10 o. m To- p ~
iC''' u. 4 MERRITT. COll CtOr.
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13

GOVERNMENT SALE of LIVE OAK
IL TIMbFR-Seyen thousand three hundred and forty.
,,o cnbc feet Timber stored the wharf
of A. soary the CITY OF Jacksonville Fla w be sold on
% nrcIscs 10 highest bidder for cash SATU hDAl,
& "a lssO al ~ O'Clock This timber presents TO
shpbders and OF ship yards fine opportunity for
investment Il" iiOh NiN'S S''N~''''
Jacksonvile Fla. Jan. 3. $780,
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
Actual Sales
Name

Air,psriss bp the Gotd and Stock Tsts0rssa Cons
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
THE MONEY MARKET.
ALEs-- sr0OK DsPISruENf

FIRST cALL-lOla O'CLOCK =; V
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13
octcyFF,S SALE OF ROCKS.

A sSIGNEE'S SALE OF BOOKS.
~ The Assignee OF 10 Is WSCHM MlDTmtely
onEsriicr AT No Barclayst. will sell at public auction
e stock imported aud domestic b0oGs IN All branches OF
"tcnce and literature engraving photographs store hx
,ras 90 In lots according 10 catalogue. THURSDAY
al o'clock Catalogues Ia be had nc the
one ~ arclay.si from Messrs Bangs Co.. auction
% "n,s 7ig broadway. A. @. DUNN Assignee
eeLs K aiUSPPFMAN Is 4 WAGNER, Attorneys.
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13

NLD LEAD and TEA LEAD in any guam
" uty wanted fa cash by - ., -
New-York tribune., 1880-01-13

I AIDES, DRINK SERKYS TEA, and be
bcautfa without using dnnserSas &
and whole Those who use strske at the
beauty aud youthful freshness lnsteh OF
DESTROYING cosmetics. TO be bought only OF the
SERKEYs TEA co. sU9 Arch.st, philadelphia orders oy
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-04-02
Packing Eggs for Transportation.

PACKING eggs to preserve them dur
ing winter for homS market or con-
sumption is very different matter
from packing them so that they can be
safely transported long distances.
Produce commission merchants, who
are equally interested with the farmers
in having the packages pass through
the perils of rough handling and many
changes uninjured, issue each year in
circulars to their patrons directions for
packing this very frail commodity.
With one accord the rules laid down in
the various circulars referred to dis
courage the employment of chaff as a
packing material, and recommend,
among the more available substances,
dry sweet straw or hay finely cu:. Clean
oats are admirably suited to the purpose
and are advised when the quantity of
eggs to be packed is not very large, other
wise this material is somewhat costly.
Whatever material is used it is i'm.
perative that the packing be sweet and
dry.
Either boxes or well-hooped barrels
may be used. Place three inches of
fine cut straw, hay or oats, as the case
may be, at the bottom Of the package;
follow this with layer of eggs removed
an inch or more from the sides of the
barrel or box, and not touching each
other; over these place several inches
of the packing material, and press it
down gently but surely, SO as to fill all
interstices between the eggs, and cover
them about one inch in depth; then put
in another layer of eggs, taking care
that the packing is pressed between the
ends of the eggs and the side of the
package, and so continue the alternate
layers of eggs and packing material un-
til within three or four inches of the top
of the package. Finish off with a: least
two inches of packing and an inch or
so of hay. Press the cover of the pack
age down closely and secure it firmly.
With care the eggs can be thus pack so
they will remain in the places they
are put, and not move about to crush
one another.
In placing the eggs class of farmers
hold to the old rule of setting them
little ends down. A commission house
in Boston advises this season that they
be placed with the end towards the side
of the package. Either way, II so
packed as tokeep the eggs from coming
in contact, will, with ordinary care in
handling the package during its transit,
insure their safety long distance.-M
Y. World.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-04-02
How He Helped the Church.

A wELL-KNowN Hartford gentleman
was unable to attend the sale of the
pews of his church the other day, and
he requested friend to bid in for him
q pew for which he had for many years
paid fifty dollars. Later he met another
friend, and, incidently mentioning that
he would not be able to attend the auc-
ton, asked his friend also to see to it
that he had his old pew as heretofore.
The auction took place and the pew was
put up. FIFTY dollars" said friend
number one. .Fifty-one," said num-
Der two. "Fifty-three," 50 fifty-four."
and so till there had been thirty-eigh
bids, when one friend, thinking he had
gone as far as discretion permitted,
stopped, and the other took it trium-
phantly at eighty-eight dollars. 8. Put
it down for DR. he said, and the
establishment of the other knew no
bounds. They had been bidding against
each other, both in behalf Of the same
gentleman. who had forgotten to tell
number two that he had also spoken to
number one. The church is so much
better off.-NeU Haven Palladium.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-04-02
Common Roads.

THERE is still much complaint in many
portions of the country about the roads,
and this condition of things may be
looked for periodically until a system of
road-making is inaugurated differing
materially from that which prevails now
in nearly all of the Northwestern States.
Although the Prairie Farmer has so
often discussed this subject and advo-
Gated the adoption of measures intended
to bring about better state of things,
we are impelled to return to it again
and again by reason of its importance
to the people. We have emphasized
the necessity for good roads in all parts
of the country. showing their value to
the public and to individual property.
We have pointed out the fact that most
of the work annually done upon the
public highways is of little account and
in manv instances worse than useless.
1t is plain that the value of good roads
is not properly appreciated. 1t is only
when mud embargo occurs that our
people are aroused to the benefits Of
good roads at all times. When the Vi
cissitudes of capricious winter are
over, and the highways become passa-
BILE, very little is heard about the roads
until another season of rain or snow,
and freezing and thawing has rendered
them we'll nigh or entirely impossible.
One of our correspondents suggested,
in the last issue of the Prairie Farmer,
that the Inconvenience and losses sus-
tanned by the country on account of bad
roads are well understood, but that
those who refer to them fail to point
out remedy. Now there are localities
where this criticism will apply with
great force; but on the other hand there
are many others IN this and other States
where it has no force at all. There are
many sections where gravel and beaten
rock may be utilized to improve the
roads with comparatively light expense.
In such instances it is merely question
of public interest in the matter. In
numerous localities the light cost of
good roads is shown by the construc-
ton of toll roads, which almost without
exception prove good investment to
those who build them. The statement
is safe one that farmers who use these
thoronghfares pay in tolls much more
than would be required in taxes to keep
up good roads free of tolls, and at the
same time, in most cases. they have to
paw highway takes also.
In other localities these natural
means of securing good roads are not
at hand, and q different course must
necessarily be pursued. if good roads,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-04-02
The Courtesy Of PrOmptness.

In all the list of popular proverbs,
there is none which is neater or truer
than the old Latin declaration that
- he gives twice who gives quickly"
Nor is it only in charitable deeds that
the advantages of promptness are thus
manifest; for there is scarcely line of
human conduct in which such celebrity
as is consistent with prudent action is
no. found to be an effective promoter
of good results.
But while all are ready to admit that
promptness in thought, word and deed
is an excellent characteristic. and one
which is of great advantage to him of
whose life it is an element, too many
regard it as matter within their own
coacern, and not affecting the interest
o.: the comfort of others. If they
choose to be little dilatory, they con-
TESS that they are doing themselves
some harm thereby, but declare that it
is their own business, with which no.
body else need trouble himself. In
point of fact, however, lack of due
promptness in ones own actions, how
ever personal and individual they may
seem, IS quite sure to be marked in
convenience or discourtesy or posi-
tive loss to some one else. In this So
cial world, where no one can live for
himself, and where the whole fabric of
society is woven with threads of mutual
assistance, one mans neglect or failure
must work injury to others; and this
is specially true in matters of time.
If you delay to do your part of any
work, you are actually stealing time
which does not belong to you. and may
be thus diminishing the length OF the
working life of your friend or neigh
Dor, or of some one whom you never
will know. An unanswered letter, an
unIone, errand, an unspoken message.
an unperfOrmed piece of work-if such
things as these worked injury only to
the lazy or forgetful man who has neg
lected his duty, the loss to the worlds
good work woulc still be material; but
the injury is far greater because it him
ders or destroys that which would have
been done by some one else, or many
others. And the pettiest men, by their
lack of promptness, may impede great
works on the part of the worlds best
laborers.
Indeed, it may truly be said that. if
promptness is not always character
istic of great men, it is an essential