The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-08-13
PULPIT SIGNALS.
How an Ingenious Minister Got Himself
Into Trouble.
New York Times

| How an Ingenious Minister Got Himself
Into Trouble.
New York Times.
| The need of some means of prompt
| communication between the clergymen
| in the pulpit and the sexton at the other
| end of the church has long been appar-
ent There are constantly arising con
! tingencies in which it is absolutely nee
essary that the minister should commu-
| nicate with the sexton. For example,
the minister needs glass Of water, or,
| in the case of Mr.. Talmage, a lotion tor
ii spralned leg. He needs to ask ques
| ton of a vestryman, or he wants to have
a warden walk up, or crying baby re-
moved. In these circumstances the aid
of the sexton is indispensable; but as that
| functiOnary is AT the extreme end of the
church, and is, perhaps, absorbed in
watching pew full of boys who are on
| the point of breaking into open disorder,
his attention cannot be attracted. Many
| plans have been devised by ingenious
ministers to establish communication
with the sexton.
| The Rev. Mr.. earn, popular Presby.
tcrian minister in the interior of the
state, invented a system of signaling his
sexton which had very marked merits.
| He caused a wire to be run from the pull
| pit to the sections pew, where it con-
| nected with pair of leather-coated iron
clamps so constructed that when the
wire was pulled the clamps would gently
/ pinch the sections leg. The wire ran
underneath the flooring of the meeting
| house, and the clamps were concealed
under the sections seat, so that no one
| except the minister and sexton was
aware of the existence of the sacred tele-
| graph. 1t was found to work beautiful
| ly. When the minister wanted water he
| pulled the wire once Two pulls meant
that he wanted 10 speak to the sexton,
| and three pulls meant turn up the gas"
The congregation wondered how it hap
| pened that the service went so smoothly,
| and that the sexton always did the right
thing at the right time, but they were
destined to make painful discovery of
the true state of affairs.
On the last Sunday in June of this
| year the sexton brought with him to the
morning service his middle-aged maiden
aunt, who was paying him a brief visit.
and whose heir he hoped to be. By
some unexplained accident he forgot all
about the signal wire, and showed her
to the seat which he ordinarily occupied,
anc was obliged to take another seat on
the opposite side of the aisle. Directly
behind the aunt sat Deacon Brown, one
of the pillars of the congregational
| dHCO VI lllC tllOSl Cliul-
| acter.
The minister had begun his sermon,
and had just finished the eXordium,
when he felt thirsty and signaled for a
| glass of water To his surprise there
was no answer made to the signal. Prob,
ably the maiden aunt was more surpris.
ed than was the minister, for as soon as
she felt the soft pressure of the clamps
she started in great alarm, and, turn
ing her head, gave the deacon look
of indignant virtue. The latter be
trayed no sign of guilt, but contin-
ued to gaze steadily at the pulpit
with a peaceful and happy expires.
sion of face. Presently the minis
ter thinking that the sexton must have
failed to understand the signal, pulled
the wire again. The maiden aunt, with
her cheeks glowing with rage, turned
once more to the placid and unsuspect-
ing deacon and whispered fiercely TO
him that che had better behave himself
or she would let him know" The good
man, thinking that poor lunatic was
in front of him, paid no attention 10 her
remark, and in a few more moments was
once more wrapped in the sermon. By
this time, the minister, becoming eX-
tremely thirsty, gave the signal for the
sexton to come to the pulpit. What was
his horror to see, instead of the sexton,
an Infatuated maiden aunt rise 10 her
feet and fall upon Deacon Brown with
her umbrella and an evident purpose OF
DISCRIMINATING that offensive man. OF
course, the sexton rushed TO the rescue
and dragged his aunt away. Though
the mystery of the clamps were subsc-
quently explained to her, the explanation
only turned her indignation from the
deacon to the minister, who, she said,
ought to be ashamed of himself. and de-
served to be tarred and feathered. The
upshot of the affair was that the sacred
telegraph was removed, and the minis
ter now breaches without water, and is
completely cut off from his sexton dur.
ing the service.