The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-08-27
WAITS AND WHIxs.

If thy enemy wrong thee, buy each Of
his children a drum.
The individual who points with pride
is the woman with a handsome diamond
ring.
THE mosquito has six legs and only
one mouth. Let US therefore be thank
full that if it does bite it doesn't kick.
PLANT your neighbor's cats early. One
under each fruit tree viii help your crop
and do your neighbor a good turn be-
sides.
THE individual who saw mouse fight
ing with piece of hmberger cheese
readily realized that the battle was not
always to the strong.
CURRAN was once asked by a Judge on
the bench, do you see anything ridic-
ulous In this wig2" g Nothing but the
head, was the reply, e,,-
YOU'VE man, diamond pin looks real
nice and glistens brightly, but when 81
q week supports a man and pin both, one
or the other is not genuine.
A WOMAN in Oshkosh ground nearly
half of skirt through a clothes wringer
before discovering that her baby was in
the skirt. It was an awful strain on the
wringer. gf,t.,.-,...r
WHEN the trunks of a leading Vicks-.
burg belle were deposited at the wharf
of that city the other day, negro boot
black exclaimed, "Cole's circus done
come at last!"
A WOMAN having read in poem about
4 simeon that swept the plains, is urg-
ing her husband to get one of them new
tangled things for her to use In the
kitchen.
A BOY will go in swimming and fool
around the water for hours together, but
when told to wash his face he will have
almost a hydrophobic dread of half a
pint of water in basin.
HATS with cast-iron crowns will be
fashionable this fall. They are designed
especially for those who take part in
torchhght professions likely to be inter
rupted by shower of bricks.
SAYS an English exchange Gamer
leans, when Bernhardt visits your shores,
an actress without a parallel greets you. "
Bah! when Soldene comes lots of actresses
without apparel Il greet us. Boston
Post. ''.' ii'iii'3fae-'".lf ia aa'lts al
A CNo1NNAT1 physician, whose special
ty was the treatment of idiots, was very
mad at his neighbor, the editor, who
meant to be complimentary when he
spoke of the physician as the celebrated
idiot doctor. fs5s5 gsab sf..4tg san.
A. DOCTOR attending punster, who
was very Ill, apologized for being late,
one day, by saying that he had to stop to
see a man who had fallen down we'll
''tDid he kick the bucket, doctor?"
groaned the punster.
! A BosToNIAN, who was nominated for
"a political office went to his wife and
said that before he accepted he wanted
to know whether any member of her
family had ever been engaged In any
ldisreputable transactions She said,
l""Better decline" Fer. III ys.asl.
I SHE said it was q very bright idea.
He said he knew a brighter one, and
when she asked him what it was he an
severed, "Your eye, dear!" There was
silence for moment; then she laid her
head upon the rim of his ear and wept.
/. "THIs suspense is killing me!'' said
murderer who was awaiting decision
as to whether he should die or not. sob,
you wait till they settle the matter,
said the jailor; "you'll find out how suls-
pense kills. You don't know anything
about it yet. -at s
A DUToHMAN who married his second
wife soon after the funeral of the first,
was visited with two hours serenade in
token of disapproval He expostulated
pathetically thus: F'I say, poys, you
ought to be ashamed of yourself to be
making all dish noise ven dere vas
funeral here so soon.
A BAGGAGE car with fifty trunks and a
lot of other baggage was burned near
Milford, Del, "a few days ago, and the
baggage smasher has been Frustrated
with grief ever since. He had felicitated
himself upon having one more wrestle
with those trunks, and the disappoint-
ment has shattered his nervous system.
"How came these holesin your elbows?"
said widowed mother to her only son.
"Oh, mother, I hid behind the sofa
when Colonel Gobler was saying to
Maria that he'd take her, even if you had
to be thrown in, and he didn't know l
was there; and SO I held my tongue and
laughed in my sleeves till / burst EN-"
THE Philadelphia World gets off the
following horrible story Her name was
Nelly. They had been indulging in
waltz, and as they seated themselves on
the ocean side of the Sea View, her
Charles devoted himself to cooling her
off. Turning around and facing him,
she asked, "Why am | like certain
animal in the menagerie?" He didn't
know, he said. "Why, / am a Nelly
famed" she said. He Immediately asked
for the position of keeper, and they will
be marred in the fall. >.