Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-06-10
MARK TWAIN.
He Hears One End OF Telephone Con.
versatlon.

=. Versation.
From the Atlantic Monthly.
consider that conversation by telC
phone-when you are simply sitting b
and not taking any part in the converse
tion-ls one Of the solemnest Curiosities q
this modern life. Yesterday | was writin
a deep article on sublime PHILOSOPHERS
subject while such conversation was 60
ing on in the room. notice that one cal
always write best when somebody is talk
ing through a telephone close by, Well
the thing began in this way. A membe
of our household came in and asked m
to have our house put into communication
with Mr.. Bagley's, down town. | havC
observed, in many cities, that the Sc,
always shrink from calling up the Centra
office themselves. don't know why, bu
they do. So touched the bell, and thi
talk ensued:
Central office (grufilly)-"Hello!"
| lis it the Central ofliceP"
! c. 0,-"0f course it is. What do yol
wantP" q
ley's pleaseP"
/ G. o.-"All right. Just keep your ca
to the telephone"
7 Then heard k.look, k-look, k-look-
klook-klook- klook klook- look! then a hOE
rible "gritting" of teeth, and finally
piping female voice eyes" (Risinl
inAection.) "Did you wish to speak t.
meP"
Without answering, handed the tele
phone to the applicant, and sat down
| Then followed the queerest of all queer
things in the word-a conversation with
only one end to it. You hear questions
asked; you don't hear the answer. You
hear invitations given; you hear nc
thanks in return. You have listening
Ipauses in dead silence, followed by appa.
rently irrelevant and uniustifable excla.
nations Of glad surprise, or sorrow, OF
dismay. You can't make head or tail OF
the talk, because you never hear anything
that the person at the other end of the
wire says. Well, heard the following
remarkable series OF observations, all from
the one tongue, and all shOutel-for you
cant ever persuade the sex to speak gently
into telephone:
"YesP Why, how did that happeni"
Pause.
what did you sayP"
| Pause.
"Oh, no, don't think it was"
| Pause.
"No! Oh, no, didn't mean that. |
meant, put it in while it is still boiling
or Just before it comes to boil"
Pause.
"What2"
Pause.
81 turned it over with back stitch on
the selvage edge"
Pause.
"Yes, like that way, too, but think
it's better to baste it on with Vaenciennes
or bombazinc, or something of that sort
1t gives it such an air-and attracts 50
much notice.
| Pause.
"lt's forty-ninth Deuteronomy, sixty
fourth to ninety-seventh inclusive. think
we ought all to read it often"
| "Perbaps SO; generally use hair
pin"
Pause.
"What did you say? [Asidel Children,
do be quiet!"
Pause.
ooh! B fiat! Dear me, | thought you
said it was the cat!"
Pause.
"Since whenp'
| Pause.
"Why, Inever heard Of it,"
Pause.
"You astound mel 1t seems utterly
impossible" "
"Who did2"
Pause.
"Good.ness gracious!"
Pause.
"WeIl, what is this world coming toP
Was it right in ChurchP"
Pause.
"And was her mother there?"
Pause.
"Why, Mrs. Bagley, | should have died
of humiliation. What did they doP"
Long pause.
81 can't be perfectly sure, because
haven the notes by me; but | think it
goes something like this: te.rollyloll-loll,
lolllolly-loll.loll, o ly-loll-oll-leely.li.l
do! And then repeat, you know"
Pause.
"Yes, | think it is very swcct-and very
solemn and impressive, if you get the
andantino and the pianissimo right"
Pause.
"Oh, gum-drops, gum.drops! But |
never allow them to eat striped candy,
And Of course they can't till they get their
teeth, anyway"
Pause.
"WhatP"
Pause.
"Oh, not in the least-go right on. HIS
here writng-it doesn't bother him."
Pause.
"Very well, I'll come if | can" aside. | |
Dear me. how il does tire A person's 3 arm
to hold this thing up so long! | wish
she'd"
Pause.
"Oh, no, not at all; like to talk-but
I'm afraid I'm Keeping you from YOUR af
fairs"
Pause,
"VisitorsPr
Pansn
"No wo nover use buttor or them &"
Pause.
YES, That Is very good way; but all
tne COOK p0oh' Say Iuey are uery uhuea',
thy wnen tney are OUT OF season. ana
he doesn't like them, any way-especlally
canned"
Pause.
ooh I think that is too bioh for them.
,o La,,a ,a,,a,, ,,o;j o,,o,. sIt,, ao,,tn
mo I",e ne'oi p"iu o'ei n''y 'ei''
punch.
Pause.
Panse ue' SOu s0' "''' sO0"