Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-06-10
RECENT POST.OFFICE RULES.

Eggs must be sent when new.
A pair of onions will 60 for two scents.
Ink bottles must be corked when sent by
mail.
Parties are compelled to lick their own
postage stamps and envelopes the postmas-
ter cannot be compelled to do this.
AS all postmasters are expert linguists,
the address can be written in Chinese, Choc-
taw. or any other language
1t is unsafe to mail apples, or fruit trees
with the fruit on, as some of the Office clerks
have weakness for such things.
John Smith gets his mail from 674,762
post-offices, hence letter directed to John
Smith, United States, will reach him.
An arrangement has been perfected by
which letters without postage will be immedi
ately forwarded-to the dead letter office.
Ntro.glycerine must be forwarded at the
risk of sender. IF it should blow up in the
postmaster's hands he cannot be held respon-
sibIe.
1t is earnestly requested that lovers writing
to their girls, will please confine their gushing
rbapsodies to the inside Of the envelope.
When eggs are sent through the mail, and
chickens are Matched out on the journey, the
chickens become the property of the govern.
ment.
When watches are sent through the mails,
if the sender will put notice on the outside,
the postmasters will wind it regularly and
keep it in running order.
When letters are received bearing no di.
rection. the parties for whom they are inten-
ded will please signify the fact to the post
master, that he may at once forward.
Spring chickens that are old enough to
vote, when sent by mail, should be enclosed
in boxes bound with iron to prevent their
tender bodies from being injured.
When candy is sent through the mails, it
is earnestly requested that both ends of the
package be left open so that employees of
the post-oftice may test its quality.
When you enclose a money order in a
letter, always write full and explicit direc-
tions in the same letter, so that any person
getting the letter can draw the money.
Ducks cannot be sent through the mails
when alive. Their quacking would disturb
the slumber of the clerks on the postal cars
This rule, however, does not apply to a
"duck" of bonnet.
Letter carriers are required to have pene
tration enough to know when letters should
be delivered to jealous wives, hence if he de-
livers letter from your girl to your wife
you can have him discharged.
A LITERAL MEXICAN.
Wickedly anxious to obey orders to the
letter, was a Mexican taking the stand in
Anew York police court as witness in
an assault case. Having informed the judge
that be spoke English, he was told to state
what he knew of the affair in question.
Thereupon the prosecuting attorney, an Irish
man by birth, quite unnecessarily interviewed
with:
"Ye understand, sor, that ye or to 60 on,
and state to the coort what ye know about
this case, in your own language"
"You want me to tell the story in my own
language asked the witness.
Eyes, sor. I do," replied the lawyer.
The Mexican began: "Este mujur venia a
mi casa"
"What is that ye're saying?' exclaimed
the attorney.
II am speaking in my own language. as
you requested me to do," was the reply.
81 didn't name for ye to spake yer own
language when said for ye to spake your
own language" exclaimed the legal gentle.
man. Cant ye spake to me as | am spakin'
to ye?"
II can try, sir" said the Mexican, and he
went on with his story thus:
"Well, thin, yer Honor, this man and this
woman KEN to my house, and sez the man
to the woman, sez he, II want to spake wild
ye," sez he."
Here the indignant examiner broke in
with, "What do you name by spanking in
that way?"
"Shure, sor," responded the witness, "ye
axed me to spake in the language ye use
yourself an shure I'm thryin' to oblige ye."
Then the judge thought it time to inter
fere, and bade the Mexican to talk English.
"With pleasure, your honor" said ne. Il
should have done so at FIRST, but the learned
gentleman seemed rather particular in regard
to the language in which he wished me to
give my evidence"
fss- A school teacher, who had just been
telling the story of David, ended with, "And
all this happened over three thousand years
ago" A little cherub, it's blue eyes opening
with wonder said, after moments thought,
In,yo