Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1880-03-26
HUMO ROUS. !.

70 the l0n0eQ interest. f0l1nce, Ilo W0rlQ
over, are, in more ways than one, very
expensive. .s3.s SIS
HUMOROUS.
4 The cap Of liberty A widows cap.
Goods for bale. headed mem No hair.
Faber should have been q Pencilvan-
ian. d. u. ga ;isI4i5s
Be not simply good be good for some
thing. .ss-s.E. .=. J. So
IA cuff on .the-wrist is worth two on the
ear. %a. 81 81 81 3sfs
Fishing is one thing, catching fish an
other. 4 :s . .f .3.sszf
Should shoemaker. understand the.
solar system3 2f t s.#3 Y. IS, s
All women consult their mirrors; very
few listen to them. s,x,5. sts.5 ~; ..
An honest reputation is within the
reach Of every one. =
The postage stamp knows it's place at:
ter it has been licked. 2.s:..,,ls.. 4,
Everybody gives advice; few take it,
and none act upon it. fs:s.. -, ~,
The rock on which families are estab-
ished is rock the cradle. Is ,-..' 2"
Women's jnhumanity to man IS what
keeps the broom market steady.
The wretch who stole pineapple and
a bunch of bananas got his desert. :
A classic invalid, upon being asked if
hewere ill, replied, "Sic sum-"
Notwithstanding the abolition of the
duty on quinine it goes down hard. ! -
What would prevent old maids from
despairing9 Echo answers---Palring.
4 A neighbor had so natural picture of
hen that it, laid in his drawer for week.
Funny when coal Is purchased, instead
of going to the buyer it goes to the cellar.
Listening to the voices of nature, one
may note that the green corn il a little
husky. .,'4
A dog frequently worries cat; but
man who Is nobler than the dog worries
himself. 49,. ..s .
Why are cowardly soldiers like tallow
canales9 Because when exposed to fire
they run. 49, +, -.-. -, -. .r..r III
When does an artist appear most thor
oughly miserablea When he draws long
face. (.
By taking revenge man is but even
with his enemy; but by passing it over
he Is superior.
The editor May consider himself safe
for the Good Book says the writepus are
never forsaken..
1t takes strong herculean intellect to
use the editorial scissors and paste pot
with discretion.
What is that which you and every liv-
ing person has seen, but can never see
again. Yesterday, g.,
When the time arrives for a baby to
commence eating bread, you should
break it to him gently. ~"
1.-THE deeds that men do live after them, y
while their "duds'' are divided among
the afflicted relatives.
If every person would be half as good
as he expects his neighbors to be, what a
heaven this world would be.
A farmer being killed by his hired
hand, the coroner's jury returned YER
dict, "Death by his own hand"
A London missionary lately offered q
tract to an English lady, which she de-
cllned, saying, ~ am already saved"
A man had been married twice to Ia
dies by the name of Catherine, advised
his friends against duplicates.
Few men consult their taiIors nova
days. They are afraid of their bills; and
those who do consult, do not seem to no.
tlce their duns.
An ingenious quack is trying to prove
that Absolom must have used some OF
his restoratives, else he could not have
had such long hair.
When an honest hen is laying the
foundation tor family, and doing all
the hard work, some absurd rooster is
ready to do the Growing.
Al once had dog who could tell
q rascal from an honest man" B-"Well,
what became of himg'' Al had to
give him away he bit me-"
That father understands human nature
when he said: 'sIt you want your boy
to stay at home, don't bear too hard on
the grlnd-stone when he turns the
crank" '. e,
1t is told not as joke, but as 2 solemn
and suggestive fact, that a soap manu-
facturer Of Burlington, Ia, brought last
year over 10000 pounds of butter for
soap grease.
A judge of much experience says: II
never had breach Of promise case be-
fore me, in which the mother of the girl
didn't know more about it than her
daughter. She always suspects the fell
low is rascal, and gets ready for him."
"Any burglars in this town9'' travel
er asked a yillager in western Tennessee.
swell, no,-not now, stranger. They
was a couple OF 'em here last spring; but
one night they broke into the editors
house, and starved to death before they
could get out:
The halo surrounding the wedding day,
like q rosy sundown,N often betokens a
stormy future. Let not your hearts be
troubled, but don't mistake the Italian
sunset on the bill boards of matrimony
for the real life that follows. And all the
:side-shows cost extra, remember. 49,
A gentleman travelling on u train of
cars once said to the conductor: "Sup-
pose the brakes give way, where would
we go to2' The conductor remarked 1t
was impossible for them to give. way.
But the gentleman again asked the
same question, wheel the conductor re-
Piled: ut all depends upon your past
life"
That postmasters are just too mean tor
anything is amply illustrated in the fol-
lowing: A young lady living in Geor-
gia sent through the mails box OF
flowers to gentleman in Washington /.
in the box she placed the simple and
suggestive words, with love- The post
master found the delicate legend, and
the young man had to pay letter post
age on the package to the extent Of sixty
cents. -: r. !. :. = =.
As the story goes, Herr Joachim. ono
day went to have his hair cut: His adj
mirers will remember that he wears one
long lock brushed over his head to cover
the thin part OF his crown, "sThis,'' said
the hairdresser, emphat ically, Unjust
come off. ssNo," said Herr Joachim, II
think not" Ss'sBut I must cut good
deal off" persisted the man. "No; leave
it, replied the artist. "But, sir" re-
joined the man, II must cut 1t off, or you
will look like fiddlerp p Vi The best Of
the story is that the great :violinist, hav.