Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1880-10-06
Self.COntrOl in Society.

Good breeding gives us certain definite
rules, and while these are observed, society
is possible, else it disintegrates. But we
may without losing self-respect, exercise
vast self.control, and not show that we dis
trust people, nor that we vastly like them
we need not wear our hearts on our sleeves
for DAVIS to peck at. Members of the same
family should never quarrel in public. This
is often done by two sisters of uncertain
tempers, and the crowd laughs. The French
have proverb about this, perhaps too well
known to be quoted. Never show that you
feel a slight. This is worldly wise as well
as Christian, for no one but mean person
will put a slight on another, and such per-
son always profoundly respects the person
who is unconscious of his feeble spite.
Never resent publicly lack of courtesy
it is in the worst taste. What you do pri-
vately about dropping such an acquaintance
must be left to yourself To person of
noble mind the contests of society must ever
seem poor and furious as they think of these
narrow enmities and low political maneu-
vres, but we know that they exist and that
we must meet them. Temper, detraction
and small spite are as vulgar on a Turkey
carpet and in palace as they could be in a
tenement house nay, worse, for the educated
contestants know better. But that they
exist we know as well as we know that the
diphtheria RACES. We must only reflect phil
osophically that it takes all sorts of people
to make a world and there are good people,
rank and file; that there are also pirates
who will board the best ships, and traitors
in every army, and that we must be ready
for them all and that if we live in crowd
we must propitiate that crowd. Never
show a factious or peremptory irritabiity in
small things. Be patient if a friend keeps
you waiting. Bear, as long as you can, heat
| or draught, rather than make others un-
comfortable. Do not be fussy about your
supposed rights yield disputed point OF
precedence. All society has to be made ur
OF these concessions; they are your unnum
bered friends in the long run. We are moi
always wrong when we quarrel; but if We
meet our deadliest foe at friends house
We are bound to treat him with perfect civ
ility. That is neutral ground. Never, by
word or look, disturb your hostess this i.
an occasional duplicity which is ordered by
the laws of society. And, in all honesty
cultivate graceful salutation, not too ia
miliar in a crowd. Do not kiss your frienc
in crowd; be grave and decorous always
Burke said that manners were more impor
tant than laws. "Manners are what vex Oh
soothe, comfort or purify, exalt or debase
barbarize or refine us by constant steady
uniform, insensble operation, like the all
we breathe" A salutation may have
great deal of meaning in it. 1t may say
Il respect you, and wish you WELL" at
may say, 81 love you" 1t may say, ;" hate
you" In crowd it should simply say the
first The bow of young lady should b,
maidenly, quiet, not too demonstrative yet
not too cold or forbidding. The salutatior
OF man to woman cannot be too respect
ful. 1t is to be feared that "old.fashioneC
courtesy" has no place in our fashionabl,
society. There is either GOODNESS or too grea
familiarity. The manners of young men ar,
apt to be too careless. They emulate th
manners of men of the age too much, no
remembering they should carry in thei
gentle ways the good manners of all ages
She should remember that when woman
salutation ceases to be delicate, elegant anS
finished she steps down from her throne an,
throws away her scepter. There is no salu
tation, however, more dispeasing than tina
of a too effl present and fattering subservi
ency. He bows too low," should never b
said. Avoid being snob, in private as il
a crowd.-American Etiquette in Andreos
american Queen.