The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-06-18

COMICALITIES.

YOUNG PickingtOn conn4 ms Of taking
cold by leaving off Ids winter cane too
soon.-Boston Transcript.
The only things that can blow for
themselves and be admired the more, the
more they blow, are flowers.
CATER Cincinnati, what? asks a
political exchange. O., of course
WiiiianaspOrt Breakfast Table.
GETTING up revival-holding ammo
mia to the nose Of person in fainting
fit.-Boston Journal of Commerce.
AN Irishman, speaking of the scarcity
of feed in Utah, says that thousands of
cattle have had to be killed to save their
lives.
FAREWELL, my hone," sang the
barber, as he rs~ thief making off
with it. - Wittian1spOr Breakfast
Table.
The Philadelphia Chronicle knows an
organ-grinder who is so suspicious that
ne compels his monkey to carry bell
punch.
"WHAT is the uniform condition of
the superior planets?" Mr.. O.-"They
are always full. "-Nassam Literary
Magazine.
l. ToLDYoUso is one of the most know
ing men in the country, though to be
sure he is little late.-NeU Orleans
Picayune.
Ii you want correct information about
any kind of business, ask the individual
who has never engaged in it White
hall Times.
A BOLT of lightning killed eleven hogs
in Virginia and never even shocked three
men who were near by playing cards for
the ownership of a blind mule.
TIE Leadville Chronicle tells of
man who escaped with his life from the
Indians. The man who escaped without
his life hasn't yet been reported.
PEOPLE who wonder why mems hair
turn gray before their whiskers should
reflect that there is about twenty years
difference in their respective ages.
AT this season of the year the average
small boy temporarily joins Sunday
school, that he may learn something and
take in the picnics at reduced rates.
IT is said that no English clergyman
is above forgetting to return borrowed
umbrella. When it comes down to UNI
brellas we are all poor, weak sinners.
ENERGY" exclaimed an old lady upon
first seeing an engraving of the passage
of the Red Sea by the children of Israel;
"Mercy! what family the man had"
THE young man who was referred to
pa when he popped the question stated
that he visited the convention as an in
structed delegate. -Phiiadclp Uron-
iciC.
TIE photographers have a new speech
with which to gladden. the hearts of their
victims. They say, "Try and look as if
you wee sure that your candidate would
be elected"
"WoMEN," quoth Jones, "are the
salad of life, at once boon and bless
ing" SIN one way they're salad, in
deed" replied Brown; "they take 80
much time in their dressing"
ANDY SMITH is Chicago burglar
who pays his exclusive attention to drug
stores. If he robs them at their selling
price, one or two breaks would make him
a millionaire. -BOstOn Post.
All Foo Woo is a Boston Chinaman.
HIS name sounds like the shivering of
woman when she gets ont of bed on a
winter morning and steps her feet OH
the oil-cloth. Courier.
HAPPINESS is wonderfully like n flea.
When you put your finger on him he
don't seem to be there, but when you
follow him to where he actually is-he
don't seem to be there also.-JOsh.
TIE chap who grIlmbles so loudly
when his wife asks him to put up the
clothes-line is generally the first one to
rush upon the stage and be half an hour
tying female medium i'll a cabinet.
"MY DEAR" said an anxious matron to
her daughter, sit is very wrong for
young people to be throwing kisses ut
each other" "WhO 80, mamma? I'm
sure they don't hurt, even if they do
hit"
A COUPLE of reporters spent the night
in a cell with man who was doomed to
be hanged in Connecticut recently, and
in the morning the prisoner was perfect
ly willing to die.-New Orleans Picay-
UliC.
A MILLER has an advantage over the
grain specrllator, because he can always
get in on the ground floor. A cook,
however, can do better still, for she
works it down to hard pan, and is pretty
sure of rise.
PEDESTRIAN, who has dropped half a
crown in front of the blind man: "Why,
you COMPOUNDED humbug, you're not
blind" Beggar-"Not L, sir. If the
card says / am they must have given me
the wrong one. am deaf and dumb.
liz prize fighters really wanted to fight
it would be easy enough to find place
where they would not be interrupted.
For instance, they could meet in the
store of a merchant who does not be-
lieve in advertising. -DctroH Free
Press.
agricultural paper comes to us with
an article OH "Curing fruit by cold"
We don't care cent for that, but if the
bucolic editor could only invent some
method of touring colds by fruit"
grateful people would build him MOL
ument. Or promise to.
THE singular legend sometimes seen
in front of groceries or other stores,
"Here is the spot where good coffee is
got" is somewhat surpassed by an Ell
mira notice that reads: elf you want to
buy good glass of beer, you would do
well by calling here"
A GOOD deacon, making an official visit
to dying neighbor, who was very I'M
popular, put the usual question, I" Are
you willing to go, my friend?" ooh,
yes," said the sick man." Il am glad
of that" said the deacon, "for all the
neighbors are of the same opinion"
SECRETARY EvARrs gives his girls per
mission to play cards, dance, go to the
theater, and rush for circuses, and
every few days you hear of an Evarts
girl being married. Show this item to
your parents, young hdies.-Boston
Post.
AN agricultural paper has an article on
" Washed ami Unwashed Butter" 1t
says that the market now demand that
butter shall not only be fresh and rosy,
but be properly worked and washed. A
pound of butter that comes into market
without having its face washed and its
hair combed is not very inviting, that's
fact.-NOyTistOac Herald.
THE church was warm, the minister
was dull, and everybody fell asleep ex-
cept half-witted Jamie. "My breth-
ren," shouted the indignant pastor,
"you should take the example OF that
fool there. He keeps awake. cay,
ay, minister" said Jamie; "but If
hadn't been fool, would have been
sleep like the ithers."
The family cat wonders why every
body pets and pampers her Just now, not
knowing that she is to be left at home
when her mistress goes into the country,
and TINT the lady knows that O slender