National Republican., 1880-12-25
FUN AT A FUNERAL.
a Political Corpse RcVists the Earth "a,
Makes " speech.

IOWA, UNllVntl.
Among those who happened TO be present was one
l.. II. cake, young Democratic lawyer Amer
several speeches and amid the prevalent good
feeling, he was called upon for speech, and re-
spondcd ns follows;
FELLOW CITIZENS: 4 man usually attends his
own funeral but II Is not expected that he should
talk great deal. knew the funeral ceremonies
would go ON without me, so concluded | would
bring In the body. llAughicr.l But II takes
grui deal of grace TO suStnin man who helps TO
furnish the corpse for nm occasion like this.
llkughtcr.l Nobody hut II Democrat could do IL,
II Is certain that no one save Democrat hos had
n chance to try n for the last twenty years. Dis
appointment Is the modern Democratic birth
right, and mourning his normal condition; they
took out a patent on disaster twenty years ago.
and II has never been inlrngcd. The patent run
| ont in 1876 and they have Just got II renewed.
/ Loud applause Looi ingoverthc landscape oitho
last twenty years | behold acres and Nercs Of
busted homes, cords aud cords of disgrincd am.
bitions, barrels and barrels Of unavailng tears,
oceans and oceans sircwn with The wreck oi
| phantom ships once burdcncd with Democratic
| dcluyiun. Disappointment Is an anchor TO the
Democratic sonl both sure and NcadtaSt lCon-
tinucd applausel
/ Leaves have their time to fall
And flowers 10 withcr at the north winds breath,
| And stniS to sct, hut MI, q, Democrat!
| Thou hast all times for thine own death.
| I might say with Shylock. sunrnncc. yea, suffer
nucc is the badge of our tribe, could give you
| 3go reasons for that. lawyer offered Judge six
teen reasons why his clientw nut incouyti; First
| he was dead. The Judge told him he might omit
| the other fifteen. The rst reason of my 82ois we
lacked the voters TLnughtcrl You win allow me
omit o the onSr a b could give SG Ks
/ did 1t with his little racket Wade lINmplons mule
broke his leg instead Of bis neck aud Ben liill
mortgages md we couldn't redeem. Thcn-
Tis the South that can supply
Solid comforts while we die.
! fLoul laughter1 In some Stutcs the Grccnbnck
party fell through crack IN their platform and
| crippled us. But Democracy still lives. It's like
the mule; II never dies But unfortunately Ike
the mule, while Il lives It is forever throwing its
Il bueked Greeley Oh and kicked him in ls7a
! Tildcn stuck on until he passed under the wire;
| this Democratic quadrupcd the judges counted
| him oil, although lac had his feet In the stlrrups.
| This year we got II splendid send.on ana might
/ have won, but the donkey was stricken down In
Indiana with (gl IandciS. We close this chapter
ofhistory with The hope that the story will not be
continued in our next Wcacccpt defeat the more
checrfilly because of the magianimons manner
with which you take the victory. We take u
every our, ycars, It Is standing prescription II
might well be called the quadrcnnial ipecac. IL
! works up before the election nnd works down as
the returns come IN, We thank You for the unan-
! imous way in which You have turned out 70 our
flIneiRl. We congratulate you on the magnificent
and imposing grandeur of the obsequics. Long
| continued applause.
Tic weather mad the wenthcr-wisc.
To TIE Editor QJ Tie Ndiiond Republican,:
In the absence Of facts It is not surprising that
there is great ignorance, be the subject what Il
facts been obtained to cnlishicn us in regard 10
the weather. These faets have all been gathered
and put into shape by our complete weather
bureau aud are daily spread before MS on the
understand this wonderful contribution 10 the
scientific knowledge of the world will see more
and more beauty and wonder IN the works OF
nature than was ever dreamed Of In the days of
the old farmers almanac.
With all this, we have man now attempting to
revive and compete with the old farmers almanac,
endcayoring to make the people believe that II is
something wonderful to guess what the weather
will be months In advance. IF this man would
only come out boldly and proclaim that his efforts
are all guess-work, founded upon the weather Of
previous years, and say that from facts recorded
there Is possibility of the weather repeating IT.
self occasionally, and, therefore, VIC mny possibly
at certain time have certain kind of weather.
all well and good. But the weather does not re-
peat itself wholly, There is a similarity at times,
but nothing regular enough so TO warrant any
fixed statement that can be depended upon. Yet,
because 1t is reported that Mr.. Nennor "prophc-
sled that we were TO have big snow.storm on
the 22d Of December, the tico storms that have
passed over the United States since the 10th In
slant are credited to him.
The storm of the 18th was telegraphed here from
Chicago, "Nennor's storm coming" and people
of the 10th and 2lst here at Washington is part
oft; lfthey will only consult the weather maps
GS hsf1 s days hsy yc T sss ss Ssy of
general over tho United States; second, it was
there was to be an enormous quantity ofsnow fall
eleven feet" bcievcD fourth, II was to snow for
u great many hours (seventy-two, ! think)
Now, the facts in the case are these-and by the
way, they are facts that cannot be questioned: On
the 18th, 18Th, and 18th of December we had an
area of low barometer on high line of latitude,
causing snow-storm nj Chicago OH the 18th; very
little here, because of the area of low barometer
being on such high line and too far TO the north
Of ". This area passed TO the eastward and of the
coast, leaving behind II a very limited snow area.
sunday, the 18TH IL was pleasant here, but during
the evening IL cloudiness began 10 appear, indcnt-
| Ing That OF low barometer nnDrOnpl
ing. Monday morning il began to snow. Almost
everybody was enthusiastic for NennOr. The map
Of Monday revealed an area of low barometer in
the southwest. II followed usual course, and yet
not fixed course, As II advanced II took nearly
northeast direction, and passed of the coast on
the Dist the centre about on Il line with the mouth
OF the Chesapeake Bay.
This of course caused an area of snowfall within
circular line, taking ina part of Connecticut,
sweeping around TO Maryland aud Virginia II
was not general throughout the United States; IL
was not what might be termed O. very heavy fall OF
snow and nine inches ON level is all that can be
claimed for IL here and hardly that The brisk
northwest wind revealed the passing of ioiO. This
storm is over. and the second which has passed
over the United States within awcek, one on high
line and one on low line of latitude. We will not
have another storm until another area of iOp is
developed. Where will ii dcyelop?is Is the question.
That Is one thing we know not in advance. We
may guess, but guessing Il not knowledge.
There is no way known TO man whereby we
may know this fact until nature herself reveals it.
The ignorant aud foolish may he excused for put
ting their trust in such prophecies" but there l.
no longer any excuse for the wise for the full and
complete evidence is before them every day. II
they will but consult the weather maps, and II
they want the weather system more perfect LEI
them support Congress In establishing more sta.
iions, especially throughout the West We should
have II hundred more stations. The more we have
the more complete will be the weather reports;