St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-01-16
Squibs.

"Can you call your soul your own ?n
asks an exchange. We can. We paw
our shoe bill, thank yOu.-[Salem Sun
beam.
''If you marry Grace" exclaimed an
lrate father to his son, 81 will cut You
off without cent, and you won't have
so much as piece of pork to boil
IN the pot" "Well," replied the young
man, "Grace before meat,n and he i'm
mediately went in search of minister.
-[Cin. Saturday Night.
Not long ago an Irishman applied to
an overseer in a Tyne shipyard to be
put on to job. He was informed that
he could not comply with his request:
but as Pat continued to gaze earnestly
at an anchor which was lying in the Vi
clnity, the foreman repeated his replv
that there was no work for him, and
advised him to go away. Devil a bit
will | storr, sorr," replied Pat, "till 1
see the man that's going to use that
pick ~
"JOhnnie, what is noun ~ "Name
OF a person, place or thing" Every
good, Johnnie, give an example,
''Hand-organ grinder" "And why is a
hand-Organ grinder a noun ~ "Be-
cause he's person that plays thing"
Boy presents mutilated bill to a
Hartford bake-shOp. Little girl who is
acting chlet-clerk {: 'My father is very
perpendicular about taking torn bills"
A Boston paper says: A butterfly
was caught at the South End yesterday.
1t may be safe enough to catch but
terf1y at the south end, but when YOU
go TO grasp wasp, you want to catch
it at the north end.
A darkey returning from church was
asked to give an account of the sermon.
"Well, sab, de sermon was upon de
miracle OBJ de loaves and fishes. De
minister said dere was seven thousand
loaves and five thousand fishes divided
between de twelve apostles.n
"Well, what miracle was there about
that 2"
why sar, de miracle was dat dey
didn't bust Dat's my perception oh de
circumstance"
The archbishop of Dublin once in
qulred OF physician, "Wby does the
operation OF hanging kill man ~ "Be-
cause the Inspiration is checked, circu-
iatlon is stopped, and blood suffuses the
BRAIN" "All bosh I" replied his grace +;
ITS because the rope is not long enough
to let his feet touch the ground"
Some years ago, when Dr. Norman
Macleod was the minister of the Baronv
Kirk, Glasgow minister was called in
to see a man who was very i'll. After
finishing his visit, as he was leaving tbs
house, he said to the mans wife: 9sMv
good woman, do you not 90 TO anv
church at all ?" "Oh, yes, sir; we gang
to the Barony Kirk" tsThen w6v i9
the world did you send for me-whv
didn't you send for your own minister.
DIR. Macleod ~ "Na, ma, sir, deed no
we wad ma risk him. Do We not ken
lts dangerous case % typhus 2"
The woman who can sit still and
smllingly entertain male visitor. per
celVihg all the time that he has sue
ceeded IN wriggling all the pins out of
ner new tidy, and is at that precious
moment calmly sitting on it, and will
De probably for the next hour. is snre
OF reward in the next world. if She
does not receive it in nthis.-[Andrews'
Bazaar.
MY Wife," remarked prominent
manufacturer, ''never attends auctions
ohe went once, and seeing a friend at
the opposite side of the room, nodded
pohtely, whereupon the auctioDeer
shocked down patent cradle, and ask
eu ner where she wished it delivered. -
-[Exchange.
remarks a writer-"A gentle hand
can lead an elephant by hair.n Now.
what foolishness that is to put into the
minds OF children. Why, bless Won
elephants don't have hair; thew inst
nave hides, that's all. Perhaps gentle
hand might lead him by the tail. bnt
inlnd ia You, we have our doubts even Of