Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-01-20
Wit and Wisdom.

Fresh GIeanings from the Fruitful Harvest OF
American HumOr.
All bellies wait for the wedding rings.
Edison's new light is not to be snulled
out.
1t takes loud baby to wake up Sleep
ing car.
The dutiful daughter marries the man of
her parents choice.
The early boot black catches the cigar
butt.
The anniversary of St. Valentine comes
ahead of All Fools day.
You can't 60 a-sleighing without snow
nor buggy riding without reins.-B0st0n
Transcript You are mistaken, dear sirs.
Pullman sleeping cars have no reins and a
very buggy ride can be enjoyed in many of
them.-PhTa Chronicle.
The money spent On that Philadelphia
dinner to Grant would have purchased Il
pair of arctics for every widow in the
State Of fPennsylvania.-FrecF Press. Many
Pennsylvania widows are not in want of
arctics and none of them of Grantarctics.
He was supposed to be rich, had love-
Iy family, was superintendent of Sunday
school and bank diccctOr. He had every
induccment to live an honorable life. And
vet he turned out a bad man. The bad
man came into the bank directors Office to
borrow some money.
According to the Syracuse Herald, in
Scotland every man "who can afford it -
gets drunk on New Years day. Here
some get drunk who can't afford it.
Buffalo Express. Here there is nobody
who can afford Wilmington Erers
Ecening. Here there is nobody who can't
afford it.
Awoman who had buried four husbands
was sadly contemplating their pictures
"YOur poor father is in heaven, hope, y
she said to her little five-year-old. "Whict
one mamma 20 inquired the little inno-
cent. "Why, your own, own dear
father ''And are the others all burned
up?' The mother didn't answer the co
nundrum.-N. y Eaprcss.
If you will notice you will find that (:
lady, Oh entering railroad car, will almos
invariably take her scat beside another
lady, when possible. A gentleman is very
likely to make the same choice, which
shows that the tastes of the two sexes Art
not so dissmilar as a casual Observer
might be led to suspcct.-BOston Tran
script.
An old Scotch lady was told that he
minister used notes, but would not believe
it. Said one, "Gang into the gallery ant
scc' She did so and saw the written ser
mon. After the luckless preacher hae
concluded his reading of the last page, IN
said: But will not enlarge" The ole
woman called out from her lofty position
aye Gamma, ye Gamma, for your paper
give out"
A Western editor was much annoyed b,
fashionable young fop named Myers
who persisted in sending excruciatingl..
bad reports of "cat concerts " and "do.
fights - so one day the editor published
the following, since which time nothin:
has been heard from Mr.. Myers
Mr.. Myers,
He aSpircS
To write for the newspaper press.
But Mr.. Myers
Will find he requires
More brains than he'll ever possess.
A sad misfortune lately bcfell a New
Orleans judge. 1t is related of him tina
as he was riding in the cars, from singl
glance at the cOuntenance of a lady at hi
side he imagined that he knew her, ant
ventured to remark that the day wa
pleasant. She only answered, Eyes.
"Why do you wear veil 2" ''Lest l at
tract gentlemen" cit is the province O
gentlemen to ADMIRE" replied the gallan
man of law. "NOt when they are mar
ried." ''But am not.'' "Oh, no 4; I'm
bachelor The lady quietly remove,
her veil, disclosing to the astonished mag
istrate the face of his mother-in-law. IL
has been raving maniac ever since.