The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-08-05
PASSING SMILES.

The man who ate his dinner with the
fork of a river has been trying to spin
mountain top.
PAINTING window shutter is a good
deed in more ways than one. 1t helps
the blind.
WHEN a landlady discovered that her
boarders were dropping off, the burden
of her song became: Nothing but
leaves"
The men folks complain of climbing
to the upper stories, but woman can
get up stares easily enough-if she is
good-looking.
PARsoN--" Rather drowsy weather,
this, farmer Jones" Farmer Jones'
"Aye, parson, so it be; minds one O
sermon time, don't it?"
A VERMONT town board wrestled with
the word dangerous" to be used as a
sign on bridge, for over an hour, and
finally got it "Danjeruus."
A MICHIGAN Congressman told friend
that he was filed with amazement; and
the friend went down to the bar and
called for amazement.
Why is paper money more valuable
than gold? When you put it in your
pocket you double it, and when you take
it out you find it still increases.
AT q Notwithstanding mamma to
her manageable daughter: Virginia,
dear, don't lose sight of that gentleman
in mourning, He may be q widower."
WHEN Becker was asked what enjoy,
ment there was in heaven for an old maid
SO homely that she has to help herself up
whenever she falls down in the winter,
he could make no reply.
JoBBINs says that he can get into
circus for fifty cents, but it takes five
hundred pounds to get into his front
door some nights when his wife's gone to
sleep and he's lost his night-key.
"YoU can't bring decency out of dirt"
says modern philosopher. Can't ELI?
Then you never looked at the water in
the laundry tubs after the clean white
clothes were taken ont of it, did you?
TEAcHER-"'What is an abbreviation?"
Scholarly shortening" Teacher
Eyes; give me an example," Scholar
"Some folks use butter, but mother says
hogs lard is good enough for anybody"
CHILD of seven, before being brought
into the drawing-room. Row heard out
side room. Scream from child. Child
in alto Company company or no
company, | won't have my face washed
with spit. "
LIGHT-MINDED young thing, in bath
ing suit" Surely Aunt Margaret, you're
not going to wear your spectaces in the
water?" Aunt M -" Indeed | am.
Nothing shall induce me to take off an
other thing.
ROBINSON, (after long whist bout at
the club)-'It's awfully late, Brown.
What will you say to your wife, Brown,
lin II Whisper Oh | Shant say much,
you know-'Good morning dear, or
something of that sort. She'll say The
rest.
Ir is true, Epaminondas, you can't
make a silk purse out OF Il sow's ear, but
that is no reason why you should 60 en-
tirely back on the pig You can make
mighty good souse OF it, which is more
than Won can do with all the raw silk this
side of Lyons.
AN advertisement says: "Save your
hair while you have it" Many young
ladies take this advice They take their
hair off before going to bed, and care
| fully place it on the bureau or back of q
chair, where the rats cant get at it. At
least rumor says they do.
WHAT are you doing out there, my
daughter, in the night dew?" said the
kindly old gentleman on the piazza.
Practicing fencing was the sweet
reply, us she leaned over the pickets till
her face was dreadfully close to Will
liam's.
The only cool thing which has been
seen in town for the past week is the fell
low who comes into the office, smokes
some other fellows pipe, uses some other
fellows desk, and then asks if you are
not going to say beer before he has to go.
-BOstOn GtObe.
WHAT the editor printed: "The Hon.
Luke Lethertrng, our distinguished
representative to the National Congress,
has very kindly favored us with copy
of his able and mastery speech on the
Improvement of Bobtailed Frogs ="
What the editor said: "What in thunder
does that fool send his rubbish here
for?'
JONES gave lawyer bill to be col
lected to the amount of $50. Calling for
it after while he inquired if it had been
collected "Oh, yes" said the lawyer,
81 have it all for you. "What charge
for collection" ooh" said the lawyer,
laughing, 81 am not going to charge yo"
why, [ have known you since you
were baby, and your father before you;
$50 will be about right" handing over
$40. "Well," said Jones, as he medl:.
tated upon the transaction. cts darned
lucky he didn't know my grandfather, or
| shouldn't have got anything.