The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-12-30
GRIM HUMOR.
How Democrat had Fun ats Funeral
Rich Speech ut Republican Jubilee.

Rich Speech ut u Republican Jubilee.
At the Republican jollification in
Clarinda, Ia, recently, Mr.. l.. b.
Cake. a young Democrat of Page
county, was observed in the audience
and, being dragged out, delivered
himself as follows:
FELLOW CITIZENS: A man usual
ly attends his own funeral, but it is
not expected that he should talk II
great deal. l knew the funeral cere-
monies would go on without me, so !
concluded / would bring in the body.
Laughter But it takes Il great deal
of grace to sustain IA man who helps
furnish the corpse for an occasion
like this. Laughter. Nobody but
a Democrat could do it. 1t is GER
tain that no one save Democrat has
had n chance to try it for the last
twenty years. Disappointment the
modern Democratic birthright, and
mourning his normal conditions; they
took out patent on disaster twenty
years ago. but it has never been in
fringed. The patent ran out in 1876,
and they have just got it renewed.
Loud applause.l Looking over the
landscape of the last twenty years, /
behold acres and acres of busted
hopes, cords and cords of disgruntled
ambitions, barrels and barrels OF I'm.
availing tears, oceans and oceans
strewn with the wreck Of phantom
ships once burdened with Democratic
delusiOn. Disappointment is an
anchor to the Democratic soul both
sure and steadfast. Continued ap-
plause.]
Leaves have one time to fall,
And flowers to wither at the north Winds
breath;
And stars to set, but all, o, Democrat!
Thou hast all times for thine own death,
might say with Shylock, sutferance,
yea, suGer.ance is the badge OF our
tribe. could give you SEQ reasons for
that. A lawyer offered u judge sixteen
reasons why his client was not in court.
First, he was dead. The judge told him
he might omit the other fifteen. The
first reason of my 500 is we lacked the
voters. Laughter You will allow me
to omit the other 32s. But could give
you the $50 reasons. Yea, MOre-y let
ter. John Kelly did it with his little
racket. Wade Hampton's mule broke
his leg, instead of his neck, and Ben.
Hill wasn't born mute. English had
foreclosed his mortgages, and we couldn't
redeem. Then
IT'S the south that can supply
Solid comforts when we die,
Loud laughter. In some States the
Greenback party fell through crack in
its platform and crippled us. But De-
mOcracy still lives. It's like the mule,
1t never dies. But unfortunately, like
the mule, while it lives, it is forever
throwing its riders. applause.
1t bucked Greeley off and kicked him
in 1879. Tilden stuck on until he pass
cd under the wire, but there was so
much daylight between him and his
democratic quadruped the judges count.
ed him oil, although he had his feet in
the stirrups. This year We got splen
did send-off and might have won, but
the donkey was stricken down in Indi-
ana with (g)Landers. We close this
chapter of history with the hope that
the story may not be continued in our
next. We accept the defeat the more
chserfully because of the magnanimous
manner in which you take the victory.
We take it every four years. 1t is a
standing prescription. 1t might well
be called the quadrennial ipecac. 1t
works up before election and works
down as the returns come In. We thank
you for the magnanimous way in which
you have turned out to our funeral. We
congratulate you on the magnificent
and imposing grandeur of the obsequies'