davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

A young gentleman who is very well
known socially in the two cities is an
inveterate practical joker. A few days
ago, during rain storm, he went into
certain restaurant in the afternoon and
took seat at table. The waiter in
charge of the table was keen-witted,
experienced fellow, and was thoroughly
up to his business. Presenting the Gus.
TONER with a bill of fare, tie waiter
stood respectfully behind his chair to
take the expected order. The young
gentleman leisurely looked over the list
ofedibles and drinkables, and then hall
turning around, he said, drawlingly:.
"Give me an umbrella and dollar
and half"
The waiter stared at the customer and
then exclaimed: beg pardon, sir
What did you say you wantedp"
Bring me an umbrella and dollar
and half" was the nonchalant reply
A twinkle appeared in the walters
eyes, but he merely bowed and said
"Yes, sir. All right, sir"
A hurried conference took place be-
tween the waiter and the proprietor
during which there was considerable
snickering and grinning. The customer
sat perfectly qniet, with grave, impas
sive look upon his face, which was moi
disturbed by the return of the waiter
with three silver half-dollars on plat.
ter, and dingy. tattered old gingham
umbrella, which he placed beside the
guests chair.
Anything else, sirP" said the waiter
coolly.
eyes. bring me cup of coffee"
The coffee arrived, was soon finished
and then the waiter laid o check beside
the empty cup. On the checkwas writ
ten simply 1856"
The young gentleman looked at the
umbrella, tried to count the number ol
holes in it, but failed, glanced at theim
movable countenance of the waiter, put
on his hat. scratched his chin medita
lively, paid his bill and went out
Rttsburg Telegraph.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
Some big Words

Some years since a citizen of Bait.
More undertook to hunt up some big
words for the benefit of the getters.up
of spelling-matchcs and he was happily
successful. The first word offered is
said to be the longest word in the
English languane. used often in old
plays and placed in the mouth of Cos.
tard, the clown in Loves Labor l.ost.'
Act S, Scene l." Honorifcabilitu'
dinitatibus."
Another is in "Pilgrims of the
Rhine" BY Bulwer-" Amorontholo-
Here is one from Rabelais-" Anti
pericatametaunaparbengidamphic--Ri-
brationctoordecantium."
Another is name of an officer IN
Marid. Don Juan Nepomuceno de
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Here is the name of town IN the
Isle of Null" Observation-Disclosures
tan"
Three very pleasant words to tackle
Observation-Disclosures verein.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES and
Swapanchaksharimanamantra s tora,
the names of productions of Sanscrit
literature.
Observation-Disclosures.
Observation-Disclosures 8.
toperiserrtlsktruonopteg g k E.
pelokipkloqeleiol lagoossiraiobaphetr g.
anopterugon."
This last word is the longest in any
language. 1t may be found in the
Ekklesiazonsai" of Aristophanes, a
very excellent comedy, and placed in
the mouth of one of the actors. II
consists of l49 letters. and makes
seventy-seven syllables, and must have
created some laughter when spoken,
Actors of the present day would hardly
risk it.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
The Open Sky.

tits a strange thing how little, in gen
eral, people know about the sky. II Is
the part of creation in which nature has
done more for the sake of pleasing man
more for the sole and evident purpose
oftalking to him, and teaching him than
in any other of her works; and it Is
lust the part in which we least attend
to her. There are not many OF her
other works in which some more ma
terial or essential purpose than Tue mere
pleasing of men is not answered by
every pa,t of their organizations. but
every essential purpose ofthe sky might,
80 far as we know, be answered, If, once
in three days or thereabouts a great
ugly black rain cloud were brought up
over the blue, and everything well,
watered. and so all left blue again til!
next time, wirh perhaps q film OF
morning and evening mist for dew.
And, instead of this, there is not'a mo-
ment of any day of our lives when ma
ture is not producing scene after scene,
picture after picture, glory after '!ory,
and working still up"n such exquisite
and constant principles OF the most per.
feet beauty, that it i. quite certain taat
IL is Ill uOuc lOk oo, cAAo 1aSS
our pcrpetua pleasure. And every
man, wherever placed, however lar
from other sources of interest or OF
beauty has this doing for him constantly.
The noblest scene OF the earth can be
seen and known but by few; it is not in
tended that man should live always IN
the midst of them; he Injuries them ,
his presence; he ceases to feel them' u
he be always with them; but The sky Is
for all; bright as it is, it is not , 700
bright nor good for human nature = aally
food" Sometimes gentle, sometimes
cauricious, sometimes awful a; never the
same for two moments together; aimost
human in it's passions spiritual 10 ,s
tenderness-almost divine in ite lnfln'ty.
its appeal to what is immo: tai in US as
distinct as its ministry of chastlsement
or of blessing to what is essential. Ano
vet we never attend 10 it. we never
max it subject of thought, but as IL
has 10 do with our animal sensations
we look upon all by which Il speaks 70
us more clearly than to brl. es, upon az
which hears witness to the in ~entlon ol
the Supreme, that we art 20 receive
more from the covering vau than the
light and the dew which we share with
the weed and the worm. only as = sue
cession of,ueaningless and nonctonnus
accidents. too common anC 100
rainful to be worthy Of non:1! of
wachfulness, or glance OF admiration.
-Rnskin.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
Leap.Year Hints.

Girls know only one-quarter as much
about courting as boys, because they
have only one year in fnur in which
they are allowed to practice.
As a matter of course, leap-year finds
them poorly prepared to "step in and
win," land we will give few hints as
to how it should be done.
First, fix up in style, black your
boots carefully, heels and all, and If
the "shine" doesn't come in q hurry,
slap the brush across the floor into the
corner, quoting what scripture you
happen to know.
twill be a big job to put on your COL
lar and necktie, and the chances are
that there will be more looking in the
glass than in the case of fellow COM
ing to see you.
Stroll down to the barber shop and
get shaved, and have the barber oil
up" freely, otherwise all efforts to
grease the wall paper will be futile.
On the way to "his" house speak to
all the fellows you know; this is a
good point and the only way 10 pay
him back for flirting with the girls fol
three years.
AS you near the house, cross the
street and pass by it. This will give
YOU a chance to see if the parlor is
| lighted and to surmise if any other girl
is calling.
If, when you step up and pull the
door-bell, your heart is in your mouth,
you've struck the wrong house.
Inquire if the young gentlemen are
in, and--don't forget and wear your
hat, hang it up on the piano or floor, or
some other place.
Chew cloves assiduously during the
call; otherwise "he" may think you
have been drinkigg.
If he is little timid. blushing thing,
talk about the weather, his ma, his pa
and other distant subjects.
If he plays and sings stand up like a
little man and turn the music-we don't
refer to an orguinette.
He'll probably yawn and cover up an
immense cape with his jeweled hand !;
but don't take the hint.
Playfully turn the gas down; he'll
probably say "Oh, you shouldn't" but
recolect how he "doused the glim !"
last year.
You don't need to say much at this
point. Conversation is apt to be a
nuisance at critical junctures.
Previous experience will doubtless
suggest the course of events for the
rest of the evening.
When the old lady calls out, Its
ten O'clock" don't mind it, wait till she
calls eleven and twelve, in fact, stay
till you hear the milkman rattlinP his
cans.
Ask for match to light your cigar,
linger at the door a half hour longer,
make him think that he is your own
and only-and 90 and see another fellow
the next evening.-New Have,s Register
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
Corsets in Court.

A correspondent of the Louisville
Courier. Journal tells a story Of case
in regard to patent on corset, which
recently came up in the United States
supreme court. The judges OF this au-
gust court are all very grave and digni-
Ged gentlemen, and the BLACK silk gowns
which they wear add to the solemnity
of their bearing. The corset patent was
delicate subject to bring into this au-
gust court, but the contending parties
had gone to law on the question as to
whether "coutil" was cut on the
straight or bias, and il regard to the
wha1ebone castings. One patentee
claimed that he Lad improved upon the
original design; that the first patentee's
corset placed the whalebone inside the
casing, and that it had to be fastened
with needle and thread; that his pat
ent had the advantage of an invention
which closed up the top and bottom ot
the opening. The lawyer who was ar
guing the case brought lot of the cor
sets into court and distributed them to
each of the judges that they might ex-
anime the invention as he explained it.
The novel spectacle was presented OF
each one OF these gentlemen timidly
scrutinizing the mysteries of the bias
and straight. and pushing whalebones
in and out of the castings. The shrink.
ing modesty of Judge Strong was evinced
by the blush which mantled his cheek.
All tried to look knowing and capable
of giving an astute opinion; they whis-
pered to one another, of course exchang-
ing only legal know ledge, but the ludi-
crous situation was appreciated by the
lawyers aud spectators.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
To Cure Fits OF Sneezing.

A corresp ondent of the British Medt-
cal Journal says: "During the recent
rapid changes of temperature 1 caugh, a
severe cold in my head, accompanied
by almost incessant sneezing. My un-
fortunate nose gave me no rest. The
slightest impact OF cold air, or passing
from the outside air into a warm room,
equally brought on fit Of sneezing. In
vain snutfed camphor and pulsatilla;
the light catarrh still triumphed over
me. At length I resolved to see what
the maintenance of uniform tempera-
ture would do toward diminishing the
irritability OF my Schneiderian mem
brane, and accordingly l plugged my
nostrils with cotton wool. The effect
was instantaneous I sneezed no more.
Again and again tested the efficacy oi
this simple remedy, always with the
same result. However near l was to
sneeze, the introduction of the pledgets
stopped it at once. Nor was there any in
convenience from their presence, making
them sufficiently firm not TO tickle, and
vet leaving them sufficiently loose to
easily breathe through" This is really
worth knowing, for incessant sneezine
is among the greatest of smaller ills, and
it seems only rational conclusion tx
hope that this simple plan may furnish
the most efficient remedy against one o
the most distressing symptoms OF hay
| ever.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
An Elephant In q Rage.

The Ceylon elephant enjoys a good
name, not only in Ceylon, but on the
coast, for docility and intelligence.
However, they are not always to, be
trusted, and at certain seasons they
lose all command over themselves, and
are extremely dangerous. remember
an incident which took place at q kraa.
at Kornegal, between Colombo and
Handy. Among the decoy elephants
was splendid fellow, belonging to the
temple of Buddha # Handy. He was
one of the finest l have ever seen, meas
uring upward OF; eleven feet in height.
with pair of tusks that would have
made Gordon Cumming 60 crazy about.
He was always rather queer tempered,
perhaps from being made so much of as
a temple elephant +. and fears were en-
tertained that his behavior might be
bad, and the sight Of 30 many old COM
panions in Wild state might iniuri-
ously affect him. The result may be
anticipated. In the middle of the day,
and in the height of the excitement
when many elephants had been secured,
wild trumpeting was heard, and pres.
emily all eyes were turned downward
from the crows nest to witness the
spectacle of the temple elephant in
full chase of his driver, who
had given him some cause for
provocation. The man held bis own
gallantly for time only, just out of
reach Of the elephants trunk; still
there appeared hopes that he would
gain the jungle and set his pursuer ut
defiance. All of a sudden he was seen
to fall, having stumbled over the pro-
jecting root of tree. In an instant,
the elephant, mad with rage, had gone
on his knees, and to all appearance
had impaled the unfortunate man. A
shrek burst forth from all present,
who were sickened at sight which so
niserably marred the otherwise success
full issue of the day. But what was
our Joy when the man was seen to
wriggle himself out from between the
tusks of the beast, regain his feet. and
before his adversary could extricate
his tusks from the ground, again con-
tinue his flight! He was, however,
pressed closely, but managed to reach
a deep, narrow, and dry water course,
covered with thorns and briers, into
which he immediately threw himself.
The elephant kept hunting him by
scent from above in a most clever man.
her; but ultimately we had the pleasure
of seeing the poor fellow emerge a
hundred yards below his pursuer and
gain place of safety. The elephant
eventually had to be destroyed, as the
days proceedings had made him ire
claimably savage and dangerous
Chambers Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
Chinese Delicacies.

In street in Canton rats are hung ul
for sale with poultry. They are dried
and saltcd, and are very much liked BY
ladies whose hair is falling of, rs the
flesh of rats is known to be al excellent
preventive of badness.
Pork is one Of the staples Of Chinese
cookery, the best bacon and hams com:
ing from the provinces Of Fokien and
Quang Tung, the flavor of the hams
being much improved by keeping them
for a year or two in sawdust after they
have been cured. AS in Europe ano
here, certain places in China are re-
no wned for their products, such ms
Pekin for its sweet ducks; Tou, lion. 6
small village near that city, for its vine
gar (tsou); Tchin-Kinng, in the
Klangsu, for a sauce made with fer.
mented beans and salt, which the Chi.
nese use as we use Worcestershire
sauce.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
Olden Days.

Long years have passed. dear brother Joe,
since you and were young,
When in the old barn lott we played the
scented hay among;
Our hearts were full of childish glee, with
ne'er thought OF care.
Fond memory loves 10 wander still to is1ns
hours that were.
Then children dressed in plain attire, nor put
on grown-up airs,
And reverenced the Sabbath day as one Of
love and prayer;
No frizzes hcaped upon the head lent boldness
to the face,
No paniers dwarnng shapely form made
mountebank OF grace.
Our fathers were net governors, nor mothers
the old woman,
To toll and drudge for children fne-torgetiul
they were human.
There's little lett OF olden times, save natures
modest mien;
Down by the brook, where oft we played, the
willows look as green
AS when we, barefoot, waded in the shining
sands among,
While ocr the waters cool and dark their
qniveriug shadows hung
The locust blossoms on the air the same
sweet p psrtunes fling
And on the Sabbath morn / hear the same
old church bells ring.
l questioned of the dear old man, to whom
WAS wisdom given
10 guide his flock into the fold. They said
"lIe rests in heaven"
Another form now fills his place, ono not un-
known TO fame,
They tell mo he is learned and wise, but oh I!
he's not the same.
l went and listened yestermorn his scientific
teaching,
And heard the swelling organ tones at close
o. hali-hour preaching.
My glance took in the cushioned pew, the
listless congregation,
And thought sped DER lapse Of years, when
all sang Coronation,
When old and young in rapture joined to
swell the hymn OF praise,
And, all unbidden, dropped a tear in memory
OF old days!
Oh! well, '.is e, or Thus; we float adowD lites
rolling river
The rosy morn, the noomi.les flush; night
ushers in forever.
Detroit Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

Don't get out of anybody's way, y
advised Henry WMd Beecher. But,
Mr.. Beecher, continues the Burlington
Hawkeye, when you recognize your
landlord only hall \ block away, and il
is three days past rent day, and there
are two cross streets, III alley and three
four-story stairways with rear exits
winking at you from the near side OF
the strett-are we-is Il man, that is, to
90 straight ahead and collide with the
IandlordP Oh, noNense; what kind OF
talk is that to give d BIZ laden people,
with money at eight 81 cent. and yous
summer clothes not o. for'
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
An Opening for Inventors.

An enterpriSing restaurant keeper IN
his city announces that chops and
steaks were cooked at his establishment
during the past year as follows:
Mutton chops. 1870
Double porter house steaes. 2,7Sl
Single porter house steaks. ...... -, $50
Sirloin steaks. 5,349
TenderlOin steaks. 5.............. 5,942
Mutton Kidneys. ................. 5,63o
On perusing the above the enormous
amount OF time and labor spent by the
patrons of this single establishment, in
getting rid of 80 large q quantity Of
ieshly edibles, suggests the idea OF a
machine to do the same work-an idea
which should meet with favor in these
days of la abor-saving devices. tits often
said of new devicrs intended to do
certain work, that the old way is the
best. Evidently, in view Of the above
statistics, eating is one Of the things
about which Adam knew as much as
we do. Now that attention has been
specifically called to this field, are our
inventors ready to admit that invention
is played out ? 1t is to be hoped that
the opening here indicated will he
promptly tiIled.-Amertcan Machin.St,
| Mem York.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
A Western contemporary tells OF q

A Western contemporary tells OF q
policeman finding ian Earl in rags"
How the Earl ever got lost in rags is,
not stated. We sometimes read of gi1 Is,
while sorting rags in paper mills. find
ing money and other valuables. but up
to the present time not one Of them has
found an earl in rags. And they needn't
worry about it. Such d find wouldn't
be worth cent. anyhow.-Norrtstown
HeYald
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

There is q railway boys mission in
London. One thousand seven hundred
bows between the ages of thirteen and
eighteen years are employed on three OF
the large railways in England. Ad.
miral Fisnbourne says that the object
of the mission is to keep the boys safe,
by finding them honest employment in
tiieir leisure hours, from the vast
amount of bad literature now aaoat and
from the disguised and undisguised in
fidelity prevalent in the country.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

Tastes differ. Some men would
like nothing better than to 60 to war,
become heroes Hnd return home Il
major, while the ambition Of others is
to sit on q drv goods box circus day.
chewing ginger hr" 4, while the parad"
passeae. Breaat fast Table.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
TIMELY TUPIUS.

No less than six nations are now en-
gagged in Arctic exploration, chiefly by
means of advanced stations. Denmark,
Russia, Austria, the United States,
Germany and Holland all propose to
establish stations in the. Arctic regions
az q basis for future research.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09
The Good We Night 10.

We all might do good
When We often do Ill;
There Is always tho way,
Il we have but the will;
Though It DO but = word
Kindly brcaihed or sul "a es'"''
1t may gua,d or some psin,
Or give peacs 10 sosne brca".
wo all might 10 good
In q thousand small ways
In iorbcaring to natter,
Yet yielding duo praise;
In spurniug i'll humor,
Reproving wrong done,
And treating but kindly <,
Each heart We have won.
We all might DO good,
Whether lowly or great;
For the deed 10 not gauged
By the purse or estate;
lit be but q cup l
OF cold water that's given,
Like "the Widows two miles,
It Is something Tor heaven.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

Speaking of the reasons which induce
emigrants to come to America, the
London Times says: Many OF the
poorer emigrants are conveyed from this
country to the United States for no more
than $50 per head, which amounts
to less than halfpenny mile for the
whole distance traversed; and though
much personal comfort cannot be had
for such q sum, yet the travellers, to
whom comfort in the homes they have
left is not very familiar, are at least
substantially and plentitully ted
throughout the voyage. Thus to many
a poor man and struggling family in
Europe the assemblage Of motives for
trying their luck in America is irresist-
ible. Poverty, depression, and hope
less prospects at home are set in iorci.
BILE contrast with the teeming soil and
limitless range of enterprise to be found
in America, while the cheapness and
facility of transit seem of themselves to
offer an invitation to the promised land
in the West.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

The whole interior of church in
Norway, including its has-reliefs, is
made OF paper.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

A Berlin inventor has patented new
kind of cloth, which consists principally
or entirely of sponge. The sponges are
first thoroughly beaten with a heavy
hammer, in order to crush all the
mineral and vegetable impurities 80
that they can be easily washed out.
They are then dried and pared, like a
Being beisv; s;ewed wed together. Tie e fabric thus
obtained is tree from all the danger
which sometimes arises from the 40
sorption of poisonous dyes into the sys-
tenn; it absorbs without checking the
per.piration, so as to diminish the dan
ger of taking cold; it is bad con-
ductor, and. therefore, helps to main
tain uniform surface temperature; it
can be more readily c,eansed than the
ordinary wooden garments, and it's hexi-
bility diminishes the liability of chat
ing.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

The care of clothing is very import
ant matter. It makes great difference
in the looks and wear of hat or coat
whether it is thrown on the lounge or
chair when taken off, or carefully hung
lip. In the expense of clothing between
tile two there is often one-half in differ
ence-mainly, as we think, because one
of them will always hang up his clothes
carefully, while the, others may be
found anywhere, when they. can be
found at all. Properly brushing and
cleaning clothes, and mending them as
soon as required, rather than waiting
until the thread ravels out, or the tear
has grown too large to be neatly re-
paired, add greatly to their durability.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-09

As IN illustration of the meteorolog-
ical effect of ocean currents, Mr.. j. X.
Laughton lately called attention in q
lecture to some estimates made by Mr..
Croll of the heating influence ofthe Gull
stream. He calculated that the surface
water of the north Atlantic. if deprived
OF the Gulf stream, would be reduced to
a temperature very far below the freez-
ing point, and that the heat which this
great current disperses into the air
above it, if converted into power, would
be equal to the horsepower of four hun.
dred million of the largest iron-clad
men-of-war. 1t is this heat which,
carried over the northwest of Europe,
makes the green fields and the open
harbors during the winter, while in
Labrador and Newfoundland the earth
is covered with snow and the harbors
blocked with ice.