Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-09-29
FUNNYGRAPHS.

SOME people enjoy bad cigar by Civ
ing it to their enemies.
| A STAR actress, like troup of trained
elephants, is known by her trunks.
A GIRL down east upon being kissed
for the first time, went crazy-for more
ALCOHOL will clean silver Yes.
alcohol well stuck to will clean all the
silver you have of your pocket.
WE are told that the doctors are daily
discovering new diseases. Let's abolish
the Professionalism Post.
The day wore on Well, what did it
wear? Wore the clothes (close) of the
day, of course.
DISPUTES over st. Julien and Maud S.
may bring on war of races.-NeaU Or
teams Pic0yataae.
MANY tramp would be thankful for
cold ham, but none of them relish the
cold shOulder.-S0len1 Sunbeam.
IF you are troubled with corns, SO
says an exchange, kick your foot through
window and the pane will be gone in
stantly.
A HIGH board fence, a locust tree, and
twenty-three beer tables make grove
anywhere within thirty miles of New
York.
"DOT's a coot shot," remarked de-
lighted TeutOn, when his boy, Hans.
brought down water fowl of the genus
tulica.
1T is SO cool up in Litchfeld county
that the farmers are taking down their
scarecrows and putting them on.-Da7a-
bury NeaUs.
The indigestible character of young
beef is supposed to have suggested the
phrase, "Come veal, come woe. "-Neao
Haven Register.
AN eastern paper recommends that
back-sheds should be built ID, 500 feet
high, as cats cannot live at greater ele-
walton than Ii, 900 feet.
THERE are great many church choir
singers that receive a good salary here,
| that will never get a chance to sing in
! the angel chorus.-NeW Haven Reg
| ister
A CALIFORNIA dairyman uses a goat to
g walk each churning machine Here
is chance for some wicked punster to
say that there is little butter at both
ends of the machine.
els your cough any easier % said one
OF Hoods acquaintance, on calling to
see how he was. cit should be" said
the wit, from his pillow; GIVE been
practicing all night.
BUTCHER Crushing ouD: "Hey-ess
that your doag, man % Donald (whose
dog is running away with a piece of
meat Aweel-he waus mine, but he's
aye docin' for hessel, We noo?"
QUOTATION adapted to Indifferent SER
vice at an overcrowded SUPPER Waiter!
waiter! everywhere, and not drop to
drink! (Ancient Mariner, very dry. -
| Punch.
A LITTLE boy says: "W'hen cats is a
swearin' and a blasfemin, and a-tryin'
the cages of their steam b'ilers in the
| back yard at mite, it makes a Teller awful
! Trade, If he isn't sleepin' with his big
! brother"
'tDo fish sing?" asks an exchange.
Certainly, and many Of them have been
known to reach the high sea.-Phila-
delohia Sunday Transcript It takes
the pickeral to see sharp, and the foun-
der to be fiat.
A HOTEL is to be built at Quebec over
| the place where Montgomery charged
and the charges in the future there will
probably be long way ahead of Mont
gomery' s.-BostO7a Commercial Butle-
tin.
| Sis: "Aren't you going to church
| with us this morning, Herbert? % Her
| bert: emo; an excursion train is just
in, so shall stroll abort on the beach
and look at the breakers-the Sabbath
breakers, mean
The Modern Argo publishes story
entitled: Social Life in Wales" We did
| not read it, but suppose it was written
originally by Jonah during the three
days and nights which he spent in their
society.
| A KANSAS city reporter records the
fact that the defeated candidate "took
his way to the train, wrapped in gloom
and new store clothes. The gloom was
an elegant fit, but the store clothes were
too short in the legs and very baggy
| about the shoulders. ?"
SEASIDE SERvICE.-Custome (sarcas-
tically:) ''There are only two hairs in
this mock turtle, waiter Waiter:
Very sorry, sir, but" Customer,
(more sarcastically:) "All you can afford
to give, I suppose?' Waiter, equal to
the emergency) eyes, sir-in mock!'
AN editor who knows more about edit
ing newspaper than he does about rails
ing chickens, says: Much attention has
been paid to the rearing of poultry in
the west, and the method now in use of
Matching chickens, consider far super
ior to the Egyptian one of Matching them
In ovens It is simply to fill barrel
with eggs, heat it up, and set hen
upon the bung.
JUDGE THATCHER, who succeeded Mr..
Quincy on the municipal bench of Bos-
ton, was man of stern and unbending
temper. One of his prisoners, in ad-
dressing the court previous to sentence,
used the words "also" and likewise
in way which implied difference of
meaning "Do you know of any differ
ence between the words also and like
wise p" asked the judge. Yes, your
honor TnnlIn6 tho ,nr,oopor Tr11oro