The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1880-11-27
THE HUMORs OF MATRIMosT

At4SS Nv oI0 L ot6A bG0 away &I0L4 AOlu0 U6-
cause was too bashful to face the music.
/ hung around the house whistling s.Old
Dan Tucker" dancing to keep my feet
warm, watching the heads bobbing M
and down behind the window curtains.
and wishing the laundering party would
break up, SO ] could get TO my room. I
smoked up bunch of cigars, and it was
getting late and mighty uncomfortable,
and l concluded to shin up the door
post. No sooner said than done, and I
soon fonnd myself snug in bed.
Now" said I, s'let her ripl Dance
until your wind gives out" And cud-
ding down under the quilts, Morpheus
grabbed me.
was dreaming of soft-shel1 crabs and
stewed tripe, and having good time,
when somebody knocked at-the door and
woke me up Rap, rap, rapw Then I
heard whispering, and knew there was
whole raft of girls outside. Then Lib
sings out !:
Jack, are you there?"
Eyes" says I.
Then came roar of laughter.
@Let us in, said she.
"Twon'tr' said I. Cant You let
fellow alone?"
care you abed2" said she.
ST am, - says /.
s'Get out, says she.
ST won't" says I
Then came another laugh.
By thunderl began to get riled
''Get out, you petticoated scarecrowsp
cried l. "Can't you get beau without
hauling fellow out of bed? I won't go
home with you-I won't, so You may
clear out"
And throwing boot at the door, I felt
better. But presently I heard still
small voice, very like Sister Lib's, and it
said:
Jack, you'll have to get up, for all
the girls things are there"
Oh, mercy what pickle. Think of
me, in bed; all covered with muffs,
shawls, bonnets and twenty girls out
side the door waiting to get in. If I
had stopped to think I should have
pancaked on the spot. As it was,
rolled out among the ribbons and bon
netware in hurry. Smash went the
millinery in every direction. had to
dress in the dark, for there was crack
in the door, and the girls will peep,
and the way fumbled about was death
on straw hats The moment came,
opened the door, and found myself
right among the women.
''Ohl my leghorn!' cried one. "My
dear, darling winter yelvetp' cried an
other, and they pitched in-they pulled
me this way and that, boxed by ears,
and one bright eyed little piece-Sal,
her name was-put her arms round my
neck and kissed me right on my lips.
Human nature could not stand that, and
1 gave her as good as she sent. 1t was
the first time I ever got the taste, and
it was powerful good. believe could
have kissed that gal from Julius Cesar
to the Fourth of July.
Jack" said she, i've are sorry to dis
turb you, but won't you see me home?
s'Yes, will, said I.
After that we took kinder turtle dove
after each other, both of us shining like
barrel of new cider when we we're away
from each other.
Twas at the close of glorious sum-
mer day, the sun was setting behind
distant hen-roost, the bull-frogs were
commencing their evening songs, and
pollywogs, in their native mud-puddles.
were preparing themselves for the shades
of night, and Sal and myself sat upon an
antiquated black log, listening to the
music of nature, such as tree-toads,
roosters and grunting pigs; and now and
then the music of lackass was
waited to our ears by the gentle zcphyrs
that sighed among the mullen
stalks, and heavy laden with the de-
licious odors of hen-roosts and pig
styes. The last rays of the setting sun,
glancing from the buttons of a solitary
horseman, shone through knott hole in
hog-pen full in Sails face, dying her
hair an orange peel hue, and showing off
my threadbare coat to best advantage,
one of my arms was around SAILS waist,
| my hand rested on the small of her back; I;
she was toying with my auburn locks OF
| iet-black hue; she was almost gone and l
almost ditto. She had the hiecoups, and
felt like q mud-turkle choked with q
Goldfish ball.
Sal, says I, in voice as musical as
the notes of dying swan, "will you
have me?"
She raised her eyes heavenward and
clasped me by the hand, had an attack of
the heaves and blind staggers, and with
sigh that drew her shoe strings to her
palate, said, Yes"
She gave clean out then, and squatted
on my lap. Ihugged her till I broke my
suspenders, and her breath smelt of the
onions She had eaten Two weeks before.
Well, to make long story short, she
Sc. .ne Gay, ana ~ We pfaescsa oria L9r sn,s, ,oar
tha Msers sssly M m I Eli we cot % wa
eas,ld g diva vail : e oracefnily as IS pair Of Nus
| cow ducks. The night the company and
the minister came the signal was given,
and, arm in arm, we went through the
hall. We were just entering .ne paliSc. 40.
door when down cs, wens s.as ae.sap q Some ,ae
ollclosn & uns haa s,an,sd Sa, s han banana. .sk n
On ssie tbe l fIoor and it aoored me. Il split
an awful hole in my cassimeres, right
under my dress coat tail. Il was too
late to back out; so, claspIng my hand
spliced, and, taking seat, I watched
the kissing the bride operation. NY
groomsman was tlgn. ana ne ls;a a,sssd hae ael
II In hoIr !umu, ,;.tls III e;raxear-oIa we M INN had
crawled m % behind Il me and pulled