Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-11-26
Flu N.

URBACH2S DEBTOR.-Mr. William III
bach, a gaunt German resembling a Maine
lumberman, keeps restaurant at 50
Beaver street. He is patronized by the
custom house officials and cotton and
stock brokers. His stock in trade is good
beer, salty pretzels. an urbane manner,
and unique and entertaining conversation
al powers. He never. however, allows his
own interest to be overshadowed by the
interests of his friends. Not long ago, as
he was driving spigot into keg of fresh
beer. a postman handed him letter. 1t
bore Brazilian postmark. Mr.. Urbach
took Dom Pedro's likeness for the En-
peror Wilhelm He. stopped hammering
at the spigot and tore open the envelope,
fancying he was about to hear news from
home. Here is the letter:
NATAL, Rio GRANDE DEL NoRTE.
August 18th, 1880. I el
FR1END. WILLIAM: Lam prospecting in
the Brazilian Empire. WhensI left New
York l left an unsettled account with
you for beer and similar necessities Of life.
Please use the enclosed in settlement of
the bill.-Ask Mike Burns and other
friends to join you in three or four rounds
Of drinks, and give all the boys one of
your best cigars at my expense. You will
greatly oblige me by depositing the bal
ance of the enclosure to my credit with
August Belmont.
Yours, truly,
.r-. s.,S..s ORANGE STEVENS.
The enclosure was a bank note, gor-
geous in colors Of gold and indigo. bearing
an inscription in which these figures were
prominent: $500 Refs"
ssDot Shtefens, he vas always crate fell
low,n said Mr.. Urbach, as he smoothed the
bill out on the counter. sOh, but he done
someding always shust like shentlemans.
He vas look like Napoleon as much so
Parnum he enkage him nit his elephants
and oder dings in his show. My kracios,
vot pig bill. Dot Shtefens he is making
owit nit pile of money. Veil, poys,
Shtefens he treats all hents. Vot is it ~
A dollars worth of beer and WINE was
distributed, and Stevens health was drunk
amid great enthusiasm. Mr.. Urbach read
the letter second time, and again caress-
ed the bank note.
well, poys.'' he said, ''dot Shtefens he
dreats akin all hents. Vot vas it?''
A second and third dollars worth of re-
freshments were distributed. Mr.. Urbact
then passed around cigars valued at two
dollars, and sent one of the boys over to
August Belmont with the note for 50(
reis.
s'You told the pank to geef you seek dol
lars. and takiJ the pallance as deposit
for Shtefens in Natal" he said. NOW,
look out for yourselves es you dom lose the
pill NIT de teeves."
Away flew the boy. He returned in ten
minutes with the note in his hand.
''Vot's the matter NIT the pill ?' Mr.
Urbach inquired. Ivy you don got the
change ?"
1.-THE cashier says the five hundred reis
is only forty cents,'' the boy replied. s'He
says that there are more than thousand
reis in dollar.'' gE r3it
Urbach grasped the note and scrutinized
it long and closely. ''Vell," he gasped,
''dot's kreat show pill for forty cents.
Dot Shtefens ne vas always tam schoun-
trel. OF he vas here he could beat tree
dwendy-nlne. IN. Y. San.
AHARD EGa.-''I had missgivins, boss,n
the waiter said to the landlord who was
questioning him about his conduct toward
q tall gentleman in blue clothes who sat in
the door, Il had suspicious when he sot
down dat he was carryin' noah whisky
dan was good for i'm, but he was puffekly
quiet an behave hisself well enough an
didn't pay no attention to it ontwell he
picked up baked later and hole it car
fully over de ai'g glass wild his lef hand
and begin to tapde end Of de. 'tater wild
his spoon. He hit it right smart three or
four times, and den he whack it once or
twice on de aige of de plate, and lOokin'
solemn as owl. all de time, he came up
to me an say as p'llte and dignifed as a
President, 'sWaitah," he say II wish you
would jest fix this billed aig for me, if you
please; Use lorse good deal of sleep las
night, and I am little narvous dis morn
in, be says. An I know hadn't done
ought for to laugh, boss, bat hope to- die
if could help it.' The landlord did not
discharge him under the circumstances.
Here is another straw: A man who went
through an excursion train of nine hun
bred passengers, taking presidential vote,
didn't find single Hancock man. P. s.
he didn't find q Garfield man either, for
the first person he accosted knocked him
down, and dozen others wiped up the
floor with him and wedged him SO fast un-
der seat that all the passengers escaped
before he could release himself. He has
declared himself in favor of the anti-Ma-
sonic candidate, his treatment in the car
having made him dead opposed to grips
Troy Times. ~ ..
Man is not bundle-carrying animal.
He can tuck a few stray parcels in his pock-
Of, to be sure, and lug package under his
arm perhaps; but on the whole as common
carrier he is a failure. But woman
well, We should bate to say anything that
VASE It absolutely true; at the same time,
a woman can carry parcels enough into a
horse car to fill up one side of it. and pick
them all up in one arm when she gets off
at crossing, and lead a pair of twins, car
~ an umbrella and hold up her skirts with
the other hand.
He gracefully accepted; 81 assure you
gentlemen, ,, said the convict upon enter
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