Connecticut western news., 1880-05-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

vice-presidents.
 THE CARRIAGE maker never tires. The blacksmith does that for him.
 DoN'T stroke cats hair the wrong way; tits madness to defur."
 SINCERITY will always win against the combined opposition of subterfuge and deceit.
 A GREAT many men who start out to reform the world leave themselves of for the last job.-
 THE HOLES in our harbor Notifications were made for big guns. That is why they holed the fort.
 FEW sPEoTAoLEs in this world, says the Albany Journal, are so imposing as that of college boy with his first cane.
 CRooUEr, says the Boston Conanser- cial Bulletin, will be popular this season notwithstanding that it is played out.
 A BOSTON artist is credited with having painted an orange peel on the sidewalk so naturally that six fat men slipped down on it.
 "WHEN I die," said weary husband, CT want to go where there are no more fires to make" "Perhaps you may" said his good wife.
 THE New Orleans Picdy,aae discovers that while the country doctor goes about doing good, the country politician goes around talking about doing good.
 ATMosPHERIcA1 knowledge is not thor oughly distributed to our schools. A boy being asked, "What is mist?" vaguely responded, "An umbrella"
 IT IS great piece of folly for @ man to be always ready to meet trouble half way. If he would put all the journey on trouble he might never meet it at all.
 "L1aHT either end, is the direction that comes with the opera cigarettes. That is where they have the advantage over cigarettes that cannot be lighted on the end which is in your mouth.
 EVERYTHING in nature indulges in amusement. The lightning plays, the thunder rolls, the snow flies, the waves
 
 shoot and the rivers and streams run.
 THERE is nothing like courage. A Michigan widow who jumped down off load of hay and knocked down 8 tramp who made fun of her sun-bonnet, had three offers of marriage within week.
 THE Western girl who consistently de- clared that she believed all country edi- tors are not only very handsome, but inn mensely wealthy, has been adjudged in sane, says the Hackensack RepubIicG'a.
 ONE of the war songs of the Zulus
 "Dah dah dah dah!
 Ye! ye! ye! vel"
 The enemy is supposed to take to flight as soon as the song is started.
 You MAY praise man to the skies and you cannot make all the people like him, so you may exhaust the whole list of op probrious epithets in abusing him and you cannot make all the people hate him. ..
 ONE GLASS of plain soda water costs one-tenth of cent, first price. Now we can understand why it is that a drug gist's clerk can use the most expensive kind of hair oil and wear 8 very small cane.
 BEFORE the days of paper-making our Teutonic ancestors used wood to write upon. The beach, or Oboe" being hard, close-grained and exceedingly common, was oftenest used. Hence, from oboe" is derived our word "book."
 AN IRISH gentleman in London being told by an officer of bank that he had overdrawn his account, replied that he was not in the habit of twitting them when he had money in their vaults, and he did not want to be twitted by them when he had none.
 A YOUNG wife remonstrated with her husband, dissipated spendthrift, for his conduct. "Love," said he, CT am like the prodigal son; I shall reform by and by" "I will be like the prodigal son, too," she replied, "for will arise ana go 10 my 1abn6r.
 THE St. Louis Globe Democrat says "It will be seen that the rapprochenaeat between the beau monde of this country and the elite of Europe amounts to an entente cordidIe." Would $7 per week induce the writer of that to come this way ?-Detroit Free Press.
 NOTHING is more pathetic than to see gentleman rise in a steet car and offer his seat to lady who has been standing for mile, overcome her protestations, and finally receive her gratitude, and then, with a benignant and satisfied' smile, hop right off at his own door.
 A YOUNG pastor who has recently had @ son born to him notifies @ brother pas- tor as follows: "Unto us child IS born; unto us son is given-Is. g: 6. It was written on a postal card. There ceiver showed the message to sister in his church. "Ah, yes," said the woman, after reading it, "itweighed nine pounds, six ounces"
 CoNsUE1o. Viscountess Vaudeville, while canvassing energetically for her husbands election recently, was told by a rough that "they didn't come there to hear girls talk" Lady Vaudeville, it is reported, was not at all abashed. "Come, come," she said, "give us chance! This is leap year; and if we don't talk now, we never shall again !"
 As THERE is no worldly gain without some loss, so there is no worldly loss without some gain. If you have lost wealth you have lost. some trouble with