The Russellville Democrat., 1880-08-19
CREAM OF THE MALLS.
Nuggets of Wit and Wisdom From Or sa3Ga ssNEiss Exchanges. iN

Nuggets of Wit and wisdom From Om A33&a sN&f's Exchanges. [" s sa. vsRf JEMIAIA's POEM. 5a1 Nothing like style Jemima.l
 The face of nature seemed to smile @A*t What portion of anatomy did you ex- s...s...sa pect to find swilingl .fn Little crickets chirped and hopped,
 [Fact in natural history; 1t is their na-
 From the oaks the acorns dropped. o Did you ever see an acorn drop from
 mulberry tree?l sass
 All around gentle hum
 Mature on the buzz. probablyJ
 From the insects seemed to come.
 Not scientifically accurate.J - And the west wind whispered, while
 TThe west wind is an abandoned char .acter, and you ought not to have
 listened to him.
 < Still sat upon the stile. ssEtF ~
 Yet twas full time for you to descend, .FH adt o Jemimail s&A3 sa But. though all was bathed in calm,
 Except the poetess.l
 And a soft and soothing balm a.aL
 Warranted every time, Small bottles
 Filled my soul, yet bitterly isee @N fL.Y.ly with lie!l s@slt"
 Moaned my heart Oh, why? Oh, why?
 stAnswer in our next sweetest
 -Puck's Annual.
 CHARGE OF THE TIGHT BRIGADE.
 Bottles to the right of them,
 Bottles to the left of them, E Bottles behind them, Ma
 Emptied and sundered. .sf st Returning with roar and yell, ae Down many Sophomore fell,
 Those who had drank so well Drank of the ipecac.
 Back from the freshmen cell,g
 All that was left of them,
 E3a Left of half-hundred. James A. Garfield, in Williams College quar-
 terly, 1855.
 < THE BURMESE STYLE.
 When man fails to laligh at one of the King of Burmah's jokes, he IS knocked down and travelled over and strewed about. And its's great bless ing that the King's jokes are always so funny that nobody ever seems able to help laughing at them Boston Post.
 q TAKES ONE AT HALF-pRIcE.
 Goods at halt-price," said the sign. "How much is that teapot?" asked the old lady who had been attracted by the announcement. Fifty cents, mum. v q guess I'll take it, then," she said, throwing down quarter. The dealer let her have the teapot but took Tn hls sign before another customer could come Ain.-Bosto7, A Transcript s2 5fl la. SUMMER COMPILATIONS. s8
 The great trouble about the summer complexion the girls get at the shore IS that it takes so long to wear off. Of course one must look brown in the fall, but it is provoking to be obliged to look brown for two or three months. The Montftzburgs who spend their summer months in the back part of the house, put their summer tan on with a brush. You can't tell it from the real articie, and when you get tired of 1t, offlt comes. l--.Unknown Nend. "srs Idst WIDE DIFFERENCE. There is a wide difference of opinion as to the number of apples eaten by Adam in the Garden of Eden. Some say Eve 8 (ate), and Adam (too), total 10: others Eve and Adam 8, total l6 others ysayif EveaS and Adam Z, the total is 90; but If Eve 8 l and Adam z | the total is 163; if Eve s and Adam ?. the total is S93; if Eve 1 1st tate one first. and Adam 8 ?, the total is l ,623 l if Eve IA Adam, and Adam s "A Eve, the total IS S,9Ss; if Eve 4 Adam and Adam 8 124 2oblige Eve, the tota | is S2 .056. Still wrong. Eve when she n SIP many, and probaly felt sorry iol | it: so Adam in order to. reheve her grlei ls1 2. Therefore If Adam 81 A !. .40fy Eve's depressed spirits, they bott ate sl ,896, ,S64 apples. Christidn at Work "'1 " KEYHoLE COVERED. IA lodger in d popular boarding-houst l in Virginia City was guilty of mos fiendish piece of cruelty, yet 1t IS doubt | ful if the law can reach him. It seem l that after weeks of experiment he sue | ceeded in preparing from Spauiding' glue. shellac, bird lime and other simila materials cement of peculiar proper ties. This he spread about the keyhoi off his door, and yesterday aftei nool awaiting his opportunity, suddenly mad a rush towards the door with a grea clatter of his boots. As he did so shriek was heard outside, and openin hi door the wretch actually grinned Wit delight as he saw his lardlady runnin down the hall minus one ear glued fa' over the keyhole.-- Uaknoaoa. sur l. ,iattg, JUS GOT OUT. -.a : "Bin rested, -Sam?n said onr darke i, to another in front of the Second Recor' CTS Court yesterday.
 Jus got out. g.,o4us s e "Out ob whar2" , "De Parish Prison"
 "What you doin' heah?" "ol VE.l .l "Cum ter get. my fleets dat dey tu :; rum me fo' safe keepin' wen l WI ! rested. IQ e-ll "Wat wuz de trouble?" 5. o,,.,}, 2 "Me an de ole 'ooman had little q GUS an she 'ferred a charge agin me-
 s'I's sorry, Sam" ' "Dat's muffin, I'll mak' her hnk she was struck by de tail en' ob hur t cane after gets fru playin' wid her u z day."-N. r World, a.4 I A SAD OCCASION. ,i It was sad occasion. The doct. If said the man couldn't live, and weep N friends surrounded his dedside. But was not reconciled to depart He V
 young and there was much to hold n H. to life. He struggled hard, mentally, in accept the situation, but he couldn't |, ,e right about it. At length he opened if eyes and asked in feeble whisper II a leader of the village band was at hor Is If so, he desired, as q last dying re,qu' ld that the band be brought out and allow a- to play one of their favorite airs-No vo he 'thoueht--under his window. The m peal was granted, and before the. c he cluding strain.was reached suDmiss ut smile lowered about the shrunken us of the departing one, 'as he murniul ph "I'm--resigned. Nothing worse lis --happen--now.n Then his light " in out. = Csnc;,apati lSat,gday NigM