Litchfield enquirer., 1880-08-12
CLIPPINGS.

J Tie genral adopshn of fonetic speln wud nok
Josh Billings hirn kite.
] Darwin is now 20 and he will probably soon
find out all about his ancestors.
! Diamonds in the rongh-those swallowedby
thief when arrested.
r Men who live in glass houses should be con-
servatory in their opinions.
"Please pass the BUTTER" as the man re-
marked when he sent his goat by rail- ~A .
Death loves shining mark, but lightning
prefers Connecticut barn.
Presidential candidates have as many lives
as cat, or will have before all their bograph-
ersget through. : = - :, G.8 II
Little Johnny: Mamma, can give Carlo
this lump of sugar p No, my child, it spoils
the teeth eat it yourself"
A man just died in New Orleans of eating
matches. The poor impatient man couldn't
wait till after death for his birthstone.
/ Ladies should always learn how to swim.
Of course they should. Their husbands might
fall off from boat sometime.
An old maid suggests that when men break
their hearts, it is all the same as lobster
breaks his claws-another sprouts immediate
tiy ard grows inslts place
An antiquarian has discovered that the rea-
son why the ancients took the owl for an en-
blem of wisdom. was because be saved his tax
and filed his stomach.
DR.. Hall says that every blade OF grass con-
tains sermon. We can understand why
some people shave their lawn down 50 close
they want the sermon cut short.
A lightning rod agent was struck by light
ming the other day, and the phenomenon Can
only be accounted for on the theory that tine
fluid got tired OF being lied about.
A well-cooked breakfast will do more
towards preserving peace in the family than
will seven notices on the wall, even though
they be framed-in the mosts elab0ratep0f gilt
moouldings sEgE#I0 Hi
"A maiden lady ofJohnstown, FOR disap-
pointed love, has let her toe nails grow seven
years long. The only proposal she has re-
ceived since was from man with two wooden
legs
- sWhat have you been drinking, or eating?"
exclaimed his wife, as he returned late at
night. 'Liquor-ish," he responded, and then
he winked at himself in the dark and breath
cd thin till She got asleep.
q What did the Puritans come to this coun-
try for p asked Massachusetts teacher of his
class. "ro worship God in their own way
and make other people do the same was the
reply.
''If you are quiet, honest citizen of Gal
weston, how did these skeleton keys and brass
knuckles happen to be your coat pockets 7"
Il reckon, Judge, me and the policeman must
have changed coats in the scuffie. We were
very much excited"
They were talking about expenses, says the
Galveston News. and how some men get rich.
Said one: "My, butcher and baker have make
money enough out of me to build themselves
splendid houses" Responded the othef: ''Fhe
barkeepcrs Lpatronze have built whole blocks
out of what | owe them"
t."Therer' said Yogle, the other evening, as
now for good lazy summer" OF course all
wanted to know what the lob was "Oh,
it is nothing" he said, s'only my diary, you
know, Eve just finished writing it up till
next November "a =. ..Sa.sEss 3aa,.& 4. <.
eli, uncle, what d. tornado do for you ?"
-"W'y, Mars, it done tornado off n my cabin;
it would torn up mo- only dey wuzn't but
enc do, to it, and it tore~out de winders, an
kerried dc. roof off in its wes pocket, an
knocked down all de fo wall, but, bress the
Lord, it lef' Inc de cellar fur to sprout anudder
cabin from"
A lady at Long Branch hotel sent the
following note to the caterer of the Stockton
''Please send to room No. 800, for my dear
little Jupiter, one tenderloin steak, very rarely
broiled, cold chicken wing, and pint Of
new milk" ''My dear little Jupiter" is one of
those squint-eyed little terrier pups 4.
Young Geo. D---having importuned his
father for horse, the indugent parent pre-
sented him with the ancient steed which for
years had carried him about the city streets.
few days afterward the affectionate son in
terviewed his father and renewed his request,
saying: '!Father, can't you give me horse
I'll little nearer my own age that would be more
of companion for me?"
A lady called recently at the house of a
friend and there meta gentleman who was
introduced to her as new boarder." After
he had left the room she said to her friend
''Why do you have that creature around? He
doesn't correspond with the rest of your fur
niture.' Imagine her surprise when she was
informed that he was her friends new husband.
When the Cory Press suspended publica-
ton, it gave the citizens Of the place such an
overhauling that there was some talk of Civ
ing Mr. Fenn0 the proprietor, coat of tar