The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-07-16

BUFFALO mulattos are called Buff fell
lows.
A NIGHTMARE is the only animal that
has dreamy eye.
A BRIDE may not like fish, but she will
not go back on herring.
A MAN must be hardened sinner
when he I" lies at the point of death.
THEY say it is only the female bee
that stings. Oh, pins! thy name is wo-
man.
HE was a ragged orphan boy
He did not own a cent
But still whene'er he tore his clothes,
He'd gather in his rent
-Salem Sunbeam
The Rochester Democrat, under the
heading of "Local Matters" places
different Views OF He'll. ="
Now say that Scotchman can't make
joke. The Magistrates Of Aberdeen
have solemnly given it as their opinion
that it is unlawful to take spirits out of
an empty cask.
In all guns of great calibre you find q
great bore. In a man of small calibre
you find small bore. Conclusion-A
man of small calibre may easily pass for
n great gun.
PRoFEssoR-"Whati is the fundamental
condition of existence?' Student
"Time." Professor" How do you ex.
plain that?' Student-"V easily
How can person exist if he hasn't time
for it?
A MISSOURI girl dressed up as boy
and went out as a farm hand, and they
never found her out until she carelessly
let them see that she could thread
needle without pricking every finger and
swearing like deputy sheriff.
A DRUNKEN jour shoemaker was look
ing through tobacco house in Rich.
mond, Va, when he fell into pile Of
plug tobacco and dislocated his arm
He Immediately applied for a pension OH
she grounds that he was sole jour in
the navy.
"NIR. FORD has an abominable gait;
don't you think SOP" 'No, indeed; l
think it is quite handsome, especially
since it was painted" excuse me, but
you don't understand mel alluded to
his carriage" "Why, la me! he has no
carriage; he rides in the boss cars. "
AT theater in Dublin a gentleman
requested a man in front of him to sit
down, adding sarcastically, 81 suppose
you are aware, sir, that you are Opaque"
Il shall sit down when it suits me" was
the response, "and if you want to handle
my name, mind, it's not O'Pake at all,
but O'Brien."
SAIDthe mistress of Marseilles cigar
shop to young Bohemia journalist:
This is the sixth time you have beer
here without saying a word about the
money you owe me, monsieur! What
am 1 to understand by it?" "Ah,
cnadam," said the clever journalist,
when one sees you, one forgets every
,hing!"
A HOPEFUL CASE: Patient-"Then.
according to you, doctor, in order to live
It all, must give up all that makes life
worth hving?" Doctor-'I'm afraid So
vt least for few years. Patient-"Per-
haps you'd recommend me to marry?"
Doctor Ga confirmed bachelor)-"O mol
Come, my dear fellow, it's not quite SO
bad as all that you know"
YOUNG men should never lose presence
Of mind in q trying situation. When
you take the girl you love to picnic and
you wander away together to commune
With nature. and she suddenly exclaims,
VII, NCOIRt, tucIC - ull uOWH uly
oack!' don't stand still with your mouth
open; don't faint; don't go for the girls
mother; go for the ant
"YEs," said witness, 81 remember
the defendants mother crying on the oc.
casion referred to- She was weeping
with her left eye-the only one she has
and the tears were running down her
right cheek" "What!" exclaimed the
Judge, chow could that be?" "Pleaso
your HONOR" said the witness, "she was
awfully cross-eyed.
Two French women were passengers
on one of the local trains between Vir-
ginia City and Carson. They had with
them, in big tin cage, parrot that
annoyed every one with its constant
squalling and gable. Observing the
unfriendly chances that were bestowed
upon the bird, one of the women pulled
down cloth cover that was on the top
of the cage When the extinguisher
was clapped upon the bird and it found
itself i'll the dark, it growled out, That's
smart" The bird kept quiet for a few
minutes, then yelled in its shrillest tones:
Look out, Sarah, he's going to kiss
your The conductor, who happened to
be in the car, said: "TEat parrot must
he an old traveller on railroads. He
seems to think we are passing through