davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
A Pretty Girl Mt Auction.

"Grandfather" Ackley, of thevillage of
Watkins, n. Y, had rather q novel ex-
perience recently while "crying off " a
vendue in the town of Hector. After dis
posing Of the articles on the sale list,
there was q lnll in business, and the
crowd was getting impatient waiting for
"Grandfather" to "come down." or
rather to announce the close of the sale,
when q pretty, plump, rosy girl asked
him to offer her to the highest bidder.
"Grandfather," being of q modest re-
firing disposition, seemed reluctant, but
the girl insisted, 80 he proceeded to
"cry" her of: The first bid was offered
by timid young man with a pianissimo
voice, who weakly offered $75, q bald
headed man "went him $50 better, and
the bidding went along lively until s., 900
was offered. At this juncture the girls
father went 81, 900 better" and "Grand-
father" closed the bid to that gentleman.
"Grandfather" looked the crowd of
young men over, and, raising himself up
in dignifed way, proceeded to address
them in the following manner: "Gentle-
men, I am Surprised, nay more, deeply
mortified, to think that you should let
such prize slip through your hands for
such paltry sum. Why, do you know
that this young lady would, if married,
get up in the morning and make fire
without Earring the floor enough to wake
her lord and master up; and, further
more, if were as young as some of you,
I would swim the whole length of Seneca
lake, climb liberty pole, throw the
pole away and climb fifty feet further
rather than lose the opportunity you fell
lows have" It is needless to say the
.assemblage roared with laughter. -New
York Evening Telegram.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Cured Of SWesrln4.

1a Quaker Anecdotes," edited by
Richard Pike, there is pretty story Of
= certain "Friend Hopper, =" who once
had man named Kane brought before
the magistrate and fined for blasphemy.
He did not rec the man again for . long
time; but, twenty years afterward,
when he was standing 1t his door, Kane
passed by. The Friends heart was
touched BY hid appearance, for he looked
old, feeble and poor. II He stepped out,
shook hands with him, and said: "Dost
thou remember me, and how I caused
thee to be fined for swearing q.
"Yes, indeed, I d." he replied II
remember how many dollars Z paid a.
we'll % i it were but yesterday" -. ..
did il do thee any good9 inquired
Friend Hopper. 1ss%"~> i.
+ "Never ; bit," answered he. 1T
only made mo mad TO have ~ money
taken from me" 5,..ssss $685.,
The poor man was invited i, walk into
the house. The interest ~ lculated
on the fine, and every: cent5 psid to
him. RI45si.Hs -.
II meant it for thy eood,;n aid the
benevolent Quaker, s:and am sorry
that ! only provoked thee.
y Kaneb oountenance ohanoed ak. once,
and tears began to aow. HH60k the
money, with many thanks. n n was
1nsver. again heard % swear. ,sa,,s :. ;.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
II Csuo i1lSr Drankeniness.

s
S Tie vile % : welI-to-do brakeman il
.Paxis5 has read her husband : Lesson 90
original g 20 be worth 1ecounting. He.
'had o. lates devoted his anection almost
exclusively to the bottle. and his better
hall, finding III curtain ctures fruit les, Z
arranged 8 little practical joke which abe
imagined would produce such an impress
sion on him that his conversion ltomi
evil ways must follow. ss When her lord
came home to dinner, the other evening,
he was 80 drunk that he fell asleep ii an
arm chair before the meal began. The
lady, il should be mentioned, had been
preparing the way for her ingenious
stratagem by threatening 10 commit
suicide il he did not reform: and no.
sooner did she hear him snoring than
abe put her plan into execution. She
had provided q lay figure obi eingly lent
by her miliner, and, having clothed it
in one of her dresses, swithher best bon
net on her head, she tied q rope around
its neck and hung It up to the hook Of q
chandelier !; she then left the house and
her victim, 'fondly calculating on the re-
morse in store for the latter. The sleep
er awoke in half an hour, and was deep.
" affected at the sight Of what he took
TO be the dangling corpse Of his moiety.
He screamed to his neighboGs that his
wife had hanged herself, and, news of
the catastrophe having been brough to
the police station, the OommissaTy A.
rived in hot haste, accompanied BY q
doctor. The trick was then discovered,
but when they awoke the bereaved hus-
band from the second sleep Of the Just
into which he. had dropped his rage at
discovering he was not o wiidower knew
no bounds. The lady, on her return,
far from being aattered by the depth Of
his remorse, had to escape in haste from
the consequences of his disappointment.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
FoOd for the Sick.

The following advice as to admins
tcring food to the sick deserves the At
tentlon of nurses and OF al who are
called upon to look after nervous pa
tents:
1t is great mistake to have large
quantities Of fruit, biscuits, etc., lying
about sick-room.
A very few grapes, an orange peeled
and divided, and two or three milk or
water biscuits are quite enough to havo
displayed at one time.
The same may be said of food.
have often been panied, when visit
ing some Of my sick pensioners, to see
their friends, with well-meant but mis-
taken kindness, bring large basinfuls OF
horrible compounds, which they dignity
with the name Of cruel, or sago, or tap
ioca, as the case may be.
The mere sight of the food seemed to
set them against it. Whereas, if o little
care had been bestowed upon its prep
aration, and small cupful provided in
stead Of the large quantity I name.
they probably would have partaken OF
it with pleasure.
Another error, committed with the
best Of intentions, is to keep asking tho
patients what they would like, if they
could take this thing or the other. The
sickened, wearied expression I have
often seen fitover the faces Of people, who
are recovering from a lingering illness.
when their oficious relatives come teas
ing them as to their requirements
During the lingering illness Of dear
relative, I verify believe we made her
often eat, Just by providing dainty NOR
sells Of food, displaying them temptingly
arranged, and taking them to her bed
side quite Unexpectedly.
Il she had been asked could abe eat
anything, I feel confident the answer
would have inevitably been: "No:
thanks. I don't feel at all inclined to
eat"
Avery simple and expeditions way OF
cooking little bit Of chicken or ash is
to butter paper Tricky, place the food
to be cooked within the paper, and place
it on the gridiron over . clear fire. A
very abort time sudices to cook it thor
oughly, and i have often found that to
be eaten when all other modes Of invalid
cookery have been tried In vain.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
The Philosophy Of Small Talk.

In conversation the power to talk Just
because we want to say something Is a
great acquisition, and q positive pre-
requisite. No man can succeed in mixed
companies unless he is skilled in small
talk, and finds it easy to speak Of ones
health, ones appearance, ones closest
surroundings, or flying rumor and 9TH
or things which have no importance and
convey no special amusement. Some
profound people despise this. One
thinks let these trifes expend their
buckshot, and I will then fire my arfs1
lery." Perhaps, however, he finds tie
buckshot lasts, and that there is no de-
mand toe his artillery. His right meth
cd would be to fire buckshot with the
rest-to show that he could do better
than they-and by this means he MIGHT
interest them in other modes Of shooting,
and even excite desire to witness
his artillery performance. I know q
learned professor who talks grandly to
one listener. A gentleman who met him
at dinner with eight or ten Others said
that during the whole time, excepting
what he spoke aside to servants, the only
expression which escaped the lips Of the
professor was the word "Yes, and that
in reply to q direct question. "Now,"
added the informant, III he had thrown
about some conversational small coin his
companions would have said We like
the quality and impress Of this; we must
have some more from the same mint, but
OF larger value. ~ 1noaahts and Events.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
The Eject Of Coffee Again.

Dr.. Richardson, the eminent English
scientist, in respect to the popular no
ton that coffee u an unhealthy bever.
age, that It keeps up q constant u1ita-
ton Of the stomach, and brings on de-
precision Of spirits, etc. There was q
great deal Of truth in that statement,
says the doctor, - coffee cannot be tax.
en- In excess without producing dyspep-
sis and irritation, but xaoder0te{v used
e. =. an tsavtgorating, healtl1xl, and
wholesome drink, brtnQing a mans beet
e'se'utes into play. The quantity taken,
however, must not be large, and should
be good.
br: Book, Of LEIPZIG, another cele-
breted scientist, says: 1.-The nervousness
and peevishness Of our times are chiefly
attributable to tea and coffee; the d.
gestve organs Of confirmed coffee drink
ers are IN state Of chronic dersnQement.
which reacts on the brain, producing
tretful and laehzymose moods. Fine
ladies addicted to strong coffee have q
characteristic temper, which I might
describe Is q mania for acting the perse.
cuted saint. Cocoa and chocolete il
neutral in ito psychic effects. and II real
~ tho most harmless Of our fashionable
drinks. "-Sctenttfc american.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

xessrs Gray L aofiin Of Minneapolis, tho
live Druggists Of Minnesota, are always up to
the times and ready to meet the demknds
eeived supply Of that wonderful remedy that
Il astonishing the word with its marvelous
cures. DR.. Kings New Discovery for Con.
eumptisn, Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Bronchitis,
Hay Fever. Phthlsic. Group, Whooping Cough,
Tickling in the Throat, Loss Of Voice, Hoarse-
neee Or any Affection Of the Throat and Lungs.
Thi. remedy positively curee . thousands
any Drug Store and get trial bottle free Of
cost or regular size bottle for one dollar. A
you value your life, give 1t trial and DO con-
WINGED - Thousands have oil ready been. For
sale Of Wholesale and retail BY Gray and Hot.
din, 2lnneapola
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Not the Finest Police In the World

Not the Finest Police In the World.
A strange story comes from Constan-
tinople. Three robbers, armed to tho
teeth, broke into the house of q Prussian
living at Oonstantinople. Threatening
to forthwith murder him If he resisted,
they compelled the owner to submit to
being bound, and then demanded from
him his valuables and money. The
Prussian ct once gave up his gold watch
and some "a Of Turkish money which
he had in his pockets but this small
booty did not satisfy the robbers. Again
they threatened death, aud finally
obliged the bound, the helpless man to
tell them where they would find the key
of his business safe. The safe happened
to be in room on the third floor, at the
top Of the house, and thither the three
robbers, having obtained possession Of
the key, hastened. leaving the owner
bound, and threatening to return and
shoot him if he called for assistance.
But, as they went upstairs, his wife,
who had been watching what was tax
ing place from another room, alpped
quietly in and cut the bonds Of her hus-
band. Aiming themselves with revolv-
ers, the pair crept quietly up the stairs,
came upon the robbers absorbed IN d.
viding among themselves the contents Of
the safe, and without word shot down
two of them. The third threw down his
weapons and begged for mercy. Turn
ing the tables upon him, the Prussian
bound his late asaailant fast, and, leaving
his wife to watch over him with . loaded
revolver in her hand, hastened to the
nearest zaptieh station. There he found
the officer in charge absent, and, on in
curing for sub-oficer, was told that
both of the latter were also away.
Thezeupon the Prussian asked four Of
the men to accompany him to his house
aud take the bound. burglar into custody.
Arrived in the room where Tho two men
had been shot, the zaptiehs looked at
the two corpses, looked at the prisoner,
and recognized in the two former the
sub ofhcers, and in the latter the officer
Of their own guard Aaz Gazette.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
the 6rays6otses began to sqaeal, ana
The white horses claWed md 6ttthem to

the gray horses began to sqasal, ana
the white horses claWed. md BIT them to
death s sE..s.s : v s = = "a. e.
{ Msdam Cslibra was very sorry she.
chastsed her horses and Jacob, and
bade her Weeping little friend get into,
her ca1riage.fo Lady Zantonia's carriage,
was broken into & thousand pieces, my
poor gray horses!" said Lady Zantonia,
crying bitterly. <-ss - * - ,..:e {,
Thought Madam Calibra "They were
nothing nsa but ugly gray rats. I can easily
I -0na beautiful clear day, the lady put
on her fine clothes and her hat, from
which dropped red, yellow, blue and
green feathers. She got into her car
riage and drove into the nearest wood.
When she arrived there she saw Sir
Brown coming toward her in his car
riage, She had met him before, SO she
sat up very straight and ordered Jacob
to crack his whip, 80 that the animals
might become somewhat brisk.
Then she met her friend very gracious
~; but scarcely had they met before the
white horses set up terrible how,
jumped and kicked in the traces, and
started off in foaming gallop.
Sir Browns horses .snorted. barked
and beloved, and were needless of the
lashea Of their masters whip, but GAL
loped of and pounced on the white
horses, and tore the poor animals to
pieces.
Now poor Madam Calib,a shed tho
most bitter tears; her little featl cry hat
fell off into tho mud; her carriage was
broken and her little horses were Welter-
ing in blood. Jacob had posted himself
on tree, making faces and breaking off
twigs, which he threw down on Sir
Browns head, who stood threatening
him with his whip.
Sir Brown was also sorry, and said:
"Dear friend, it makes my heart bleed,
but I am wholly innocent. And pray
consider before you buy white cats
Now the little lady became angry.
What do you say about white cats I
was riding after white horses, but YOU.
after dogsi And your dogs are the
cause Of my misfortune."
Sir Brown was quite beside himself,
and exclaimed, "What with dogs
No one ever said that to me before. I
had made up my mind to drive you
home, but now I'll not do it!". So say
ing, he drove of, muttering, "This Is
what comes Of folks trying to ape their
betters. Horses and coachman, indeed!
Apes and cats"
The poor little lady went home very
disheartened with Jacob.
Now the two little ladies had no chr.
riages Or horses, and Sir Brown soon
learned to 60 on foot for one day he
was attacked by wolves, who tore his
beautiful brown horses to pieces, while
he saved himself with great difficulty.
Since then no one has ever been drawn
by either rats, cats or dogs.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
A Leaky, Church.

Bishop Butler was once holding SER
vice in . dilapidated church in the North
of England, and, q storm coming on,
was nearly "drowned out" by the tor
rent of water that filtered through a
thousand rents in the ROOF. He mildly
demonstrated at the leaky condition Of
things, and suggested that the first sur
shiny day should be devoted to repairing
the edi6ce. 'But it doan't need repair.
your Worship, when it doan't shower y
was the answer Of the worthy church.
warden.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

We refer to those peculiar, throbbing
pains, which seem to fill the head to the
exclusion of everything else. Such a
headache troubled Mrs. A. Ettanger,
Plainfeld, n. J. She says: suffered
f,r sixteen years with painful, n,rvou,
herdsche, and I consulted many physi-
clans, in vain. Some time ago, l received
by chance q Hamburg Family Almanac,
read the testimonials in favor of Ham
burg Drops and bought bottle for tlial.
The effect was 20 beneficial that I con-
tinued ito use. Before many weeks had
passed Twas cured, and now keep this
wonderful remedy constantly on hand.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
OUR YOUNG FOLKS,
Series With M03elas

: :m @1 :. to1 > stosH, !
,CaI 1 y me cs q.
- = u.u ~ = u.9
10y ~. :.t, ~ E .no ot-
9Ss : ns1 ~ sl saes -.
,n Egg " 1 LII. H 49,
M I'll e net 4tSe > D Neess
-: Mls net W!ta Z s1c .s.
~ = oS ~ 4 I'm
~ toe .neoiS,n s ,s
A4 nss,s.s. ss ssIeI s ca
M - so o1s 49, .n..s, so.e'
H:s;nI ~. az - 1.r;
: <,ss.s 800. -, 49, sa,, yi ~. 80. .;
Sg3 a.s.a n1 c cSaour; -. - ~"
W.. .o III. NV s,,s ~ $3.50 W
1"1niliiv ~, !. .hoo4in
vo,,-ss e. co,,,5.,t ,.es.,
FL, h t.s ~ on ,sht - .nco4
49, ~ 81 c csn =. + d;3r*
in. a. ,ned;c S or,oa
~ ateS .;stas,
M ainH 49, s,sh-
MT I'M IL. - 1890.
O.sr. n 80 ~ 's ~
go; I.s 1u =. s1 ~, ~
1 .I.. Wy" ~ ! oss Voo,
rst. MI 1n ~ .o,' 1o !. 49, 100 '"oco'
:. ~ ~, = .s =, |. s s.9
with = 1oci ' A. ,nor.i
Hov Slil I h11,n 8
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
- n .: = '9f Il
.sGOOpslli0 IT 0laIlE0,.


AlseiAg q; i ~ hshes 8 sisa
= hlelt1g d 1hstr mother;
1h1eesanR ounY k3nGDeo h6ht,
Each loving friend and hsoehsr. /:
4 blessing "a the Actlsr's rsst r.
Tho ovet.wugn md weaEy; s. 4
.Cho deoo1AAo end oo0nfoet3ooo,
70 whom tho earth - droary,.
J. A haseslng q H. s1ad <to.night; ::
~, 4 b,eillng On hehoaEy:
The maiden, clad IN; beGnty hight, !
The young man in btu glory. !
Ah3esaing On my fsllow-race, = i.
OF every chine and na&toa; !
Nay tbey pArtake His ssvi1e grace !
Who dad for our salvatoo.
II any man have wrought mo wrona,
SIN bSesatnGs b upon him;
Nay in love 70 him b strong,
TN charity have won him.
Thy hlssstnSs ON me-, from Of old,
Ny 0odl / cannot nunber;
Wfap No In Thy annie fold.
And odnk IN tE0Dtful G3umba
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

This tendency to Hood OF bills u one
Of the curses Of American legisla&ion.
There is no time for the proper cousid-
Grafton Of useful measures. and multi
tudes Of bad and improper bills are Lon.
rolled Or mesked through by the lobby
in and out Of Congress.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Bills Introduced In. CONGRESS.

The New York Evening Postmakes the
following statement Of the number Of
bills and joint resolutions introduced in
Congress for each session from the
Twenty fifth to the Forty-sixth Congress,
and the percentage Of tho whole number
which were passed:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
(Pittsbureh DisDatch\

(fNtsoufSn DlsPatch.)
Brooklyn's Beautiful Butldings.
David Acker, Esq, Supt. of Building
Dept, Brooklyn, N. y, certlRes that
among his men, the st. Jacobs Oil has
been used for various complaints with
the highest satisfaction.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
-
"a
3
nov
q 1fsn VI
.1oio9 hrs

2 nsssazb .
1910 faa: Hold
did It SO ~
10 hrs ,gAlIa:a
.erI Tor fsu43
sat 9Givxs
81 aes,D1 ais
mes IS Tsai vs.
sss o. b>tn}
.7osf's loN.a,t
.AssseS :? ~
a.sf assfi!.1
d2not: .ro1l,
~.stoI .s2r 4.
sas szss3w Il:
sha u a'i:S x:
as Gosts 3usl
Naaia't,sg ~;
1:Ro9 h, I,ees3.sl
ii ,3Gaayif,ga =;
"a .&ss1s'.s3:s.iI
sfsi edt. 4a:s$.
hsk 10 n!niEtsa
sa74 .asoHtlfa
II,
sasis sno;:sf;::iss1
DDS .yisd aIg {,
mzas{ JoG tesl
s IT.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Dae1Elo0'0 AFnleo save,

Tho Best sei7e In tie world, Tor Cats, Bru,s.
e, Sores. Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever Sores,
letter. Chapped Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and
Ill kinds Of Skin Eruptons. This ealve 10
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction in every
case or money refunded. Price 25 cents per
Box. For sale ct Wholesale by Gray d Hoi-
din, Minneapolis.
Got Lyons Patent Heel eti6eners applied
to those neW boots before you run them over.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Bay tho Si9wnlt

With Cranes Patent Automatic Tension
Liberetor, and Ill latest improvements. Tho
best Sewing Machine made. Agents Wanted
Address 5lowALE SAVING MAcH1N1 Co..
SO Wabash Az, ChicoRo, III,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

= Prices reduced II for Dentistry at Dr
Bryant'S. 8 .. 3rd st., st. Paul, MINI,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

I. Dr. Bryants Dental faTIoFs East Third st.
st. Paul Mimi. E. f'5f
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

1850

Ais0b o. lEu;l
son Tia ,1sifs:a
,of1dn,ea .95i.i9
aniTi.eez,riinll osf;s
Gia;s1a<';bl1,;,s i
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

Reeds Gilt Edge Tonic IL "a unfaillnp rem en-
sdY for bilious and ,nalarial feyers.i -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

Reeds Gilt Edge Tonic cures Kidney d,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26

The trade supplied st manufsoturse's peioea
BY MOVES BROS. d CUTLER md PERKINS
LYONS 4 co., st. Paul Mimi. -. - : -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
Important to the EGtr 6ooci

4, TEE GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, Curss u,a.,.
0oe, Ovarian Diseases and al dSas %, knovs ~ ~
a.se 1cstss:. They have go = % 10 Eosised ssr
De1Egtsts sverywhers Pic 800 psr boz o. az ~
for ssnt b %eit fse: Of securely ossis1
Asehan1c4 Block, Dofrolt Mich
Wholesale Asents for United States- ~''"'
Pamphlets cent tree -
Sold !e q. Paul By f. II. 8iggs snd Stasrt L I.s.
sofnee WehsshsW and Sixth streets. In Nfnsee1ois:
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-01-03
APoTHEGMs.

Sincerity is an excellent instrument for
the speedy dispatch of business. [Tillot-
son.
He who misrepresents what he ridicules
does not ridicule what he inisrepresents.
DIR. Hodgson.
We must be afraid of neither poverty,
nor exile, nor imprisonment of fear itself,
only, should we be afraid. Il Epictetus.
A ruler who appoints any man to an
Office, when there is in his dominions an
other man better qualified for it, sins
against God and against the State
Koran.
Everyone is forward to complain of the
prejudices that mislead other men and par
ties, as if we were free, and had none of bis
own. This being objected on all sides it is
agreed that it is fault and a hiBdrance to
knowledge. What now is the cure? No
other bus this, that every man should let
alone Others prejudices and examine his
own.-I Locke.
Education, then, briefly, IS the leading
human souls to what is best and making
what is best out of them and these two
objects are always obtainable together,
and by the same means the training
which makes men happiest in themselves,
also makes them most serviceable to others.
True education, then, has respect first to
the ends that are proposable to the man,
or attainable by him and secondly, to the
material Of which the man is made. So
far as it is able it chooses the end accord
ing to the material; but it cannot always
choose the end, for the position of many
persons in life is fixed by necessity still
less can it choose the material and, there
fore, all it can do is to fit the one to the
! other as wisely as may be.-IRuskin