St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-11-12
SQuibs.

MlDe, miner, minus !" This is the
general upshot of speculation in mining
stock.
A Boston physician has discovered
that telephones are injurious to the ear,
and people who run to ears will become
alarmed Detroit Free Press.
This is the season of the year when
bad Indians commence signing treaties
of peace and drawing government
blankets for the winter.-[New Orleans
Picayune.
The election news as given by the
Democratic papers, recalls Cutfy's re-
port to his master of the death of the
oxen: ''De off OK has done fell down
de well and kill hisself; fodder one too.
| couldn't tole you of bof ter once for
fear you couldn't bore eit."-[Springfeld
Union.
Old ciderdrinkers have been led to
believe that the abundant apple crop is
due to John Sherman Picayuue.
A man living in the country finds
ligbtning-rods on his house to be
great protection. They keep lightning
rod peddlers from calling and chinning
the head of the house. New Orleans
Picayune.
He was brought before the Galveston
recorder on the charge of drunkenness
"DO you plead guilty or not guilty ?"
IL don't plead at all. 1 deny every
thing" "DO you deny having been
up here before 2" 81 should smile.
Why, judge, deny being here right
now. If you catch me giving myself
away, just wake me up and let me
know it."-[Galveston News.
On his way to his appointments lie
stopped under the window of a pawn
broker, and with violent knocking and
shouts attracted the attention of that
estimable tradesman, who, putting his
head out of the window, irefully asked
the business of his visitor. ~ want to
know the time" cried the curator.
"What do you mean by waking me up
to ask such a stupid question 2" roared
the pawnbroker. "Stupid question ~
howled the curator, clinging to a lamp
post. 81 like that. Where else should
1 ask for the time-haven't you got my
watch ?"-[The Hour
The agricultural editor of the New
Haven Register rises to remark that
at isn't the yellowest pumpkin that
makes the best pie. 1t is the rosy
checked, dimpled-elbowed farmers girl
that does that. But don't go too fast,
young man. Her answers are some
times as short as her pie-crusts. ."-GBos-
ton Globe.
1t always sounds pretty to say, "The
sun had sunk beneath the western hori-
zon )" but moments reflection shows
that that is about the only horizon he
could sink beneath, under the circum-
stances. When he feels like sinking,
he always selects the western horizon.
in this section.
'Science enumerates 58s species of
organic forms in the air we Breathe
Just think of it Every time you draw
in breath whole geological garden
slips down your wiudpipe, and no free
ticket to the press.
Two weeks since a proposition TO
illuminate Paradise hall, the meeting
place of the Detroit Limekiln club was
discussed and held over to await facts
and figures promised by brother Gard
ner. He now announced that he was
ready TO say few words. sit seems
to me-" he began, "dat de mo- light we
git in dis hall, de wuss our furnchur
Will look to us. In dis subdued light
we kin sort o. hide our feet, our old
cloze, an de bald spots on our heads.
Dar's sunthin' bout de smell oh kero-
sene lie that exhilarates us, an we
know dat de cost o. lightin' up am only
II cents per meetin'. We has bought
de lamps, have four gallons of lie in
stock, an any change now would put
us to smart loss. De time fur putin
in de 'lectrick light hasn' arove yet, an
l must place my veto on any furdeI
dins."-[Detroit Free Press.
A young man in Yale college went tc
a BARRIERS shop to be shaved. 1t wa,
the first time that any other hand than
his own had performed that operation
and he had allowed his beard to grow
for week in order to appear as e ht
needed shaving. He sat down in tb,
chair. The barber passed his hapf
lightly over his cheek and said
"Shaved once to-day, sir, haven't you q
Country banker to shaky customer
"Are you aware Mr.. Soolivan, that you
account is overdrawn a hundred or SO ?
Soolivan-"Certainly / am, sir. DON
bother me about such trihes l dom
go bowling about the country wber
you've hundred or so of mine! You
information is superfluous either way
Good morning, sir m-[Punch.
Many forms of sick excuses have bee,
handed to the faculty, but recent on
completely paralyzed him. "Prof. x
Please excuse my absence from collep
duties last Monday. and Tuesday.
| was confined tn nv room h., 80