The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-03-09

was alive we used to have II good rub
Der Of whist now and then; but us for
your new-funglcl games, such rs cur
cka, cabbage and physique, Pm too old
to learn any of them. But don't mind
me, Theodore If the young folks want
to play, let them. would bo the last
to interfere with any of their harmless
rccriminations.
LITTLE Franky's mother was very
ptous, but she was an invalid, and SO
his auntic, who was also pi0us, loo ked
after his religious instruction and let
no occasion pass to enforce some pre-
cept. One day Frankly suddenly said:
'Oh, dear l. wish had wings" ri is
angelic aspiration was regarded with
great JOY by the two sisters. and they
eagerly asked why hc wished for
wings. "Oh," said Frankly, "I'd fly
upiuto the air and take Aunt Susan
with me, and when | couldn't go any
higher I'd let her drop"
"No," exclaimed Mr.. Penhecker,
"No, Madam, object most decidedly.
Once and for all say 1.-THE girls shall
not be taught foreign languages.
"And why not, pray" said Mrs. p,
with whitening sarcasm. "Bcrause,"
said Mr.. p, with more whitening sar-
caSn, "bocausc, Mrs. p, one tongue Is
enough for any woman !" Mrs. PEN
hcckcr responded not.
FRouDE says: "Nlun cannot live on
negations." 1t depends upon how
they are cooked. y negation should
never be fried. Boil 'cm, with their
Jackets on, and put plenty of salt on
'em, but 10 gravy.
WHEN man falls out of balloon to
the earth, distance Of two miles, he
gets his name In all the papers, but
fortunately the fall Is so great hat he
tic ircc advertising he mas gained by
his mishap.
"MR. PEELR D." said she, according
to the Graphic, Mr.. Pcelrod. we have
for breakfast the glyptocephalss cyno-
lossus." (Pcelrod had always been
;srd to calling them !!ouml"rs when
fishing on Sunday at the Harlem
wharYcs.)
AN Apology -"But, Freddy, now
could you ever think of calling aunty
stupid? Immediately go to her and
tell her that you arc sorry. Freddy
goes to aunty and says: "Aunty,
an sorry you arc stupid?"
MAMMA to Isabel & years old), who
is rather numerically teasing her kit
ten-"Isabcl. my child, you must not
do so. don't like to see it," Isabel
"Wcll, don't look, mamma.'
a LITTLE girl Of four years was re-
Gently called MS Il witness in police
court, and, In answer 70 the q ,cs,ion
what became oil littlc girls VINO told
lies, innoccntly replied thar they were
sent TO bed.
"WHAT is the u. p church ?"
young Dumfrics asked his friend. who
Is railroader from Nebraska. "Union
pacltic," replied the conductor; "don't
you know auythng?"
The manager OF church tair not
far away. when asked if there would
be music each evening, replied. "No,"
and then added, but there will be sing
ing"
"WII.L your mother ever marry
approval" she answered; "such Is my
opinion thus far, and not stcp-tathcr."
WHEN he sighs for her and she sighs
for him, the sighin's of the times may
be considered auspicious tor Il wedding.
You've Sportsman. "Does your ia
thcr preserve at ALP" In INGENIOUS
Maiden. "Oh no; we use all our fruit
for making tarts,"
But few men can handle hot lamp
chimney and say there is no place like
home at the same tIme.
WHY does asparagus rcsmble long
sermons? Because the ends are most
sought after.
WHEN sick man feels we'll he sits
up. When well man feels sick he sits
down.
THE more sense a preacher has the
less need Tor sensationalsm.
A DEALER in crystal optics is simply
merchant Of eyes in glass.
4 sTEM-wINDER--The ivy grcca.
a CATS purr is not on her heel.
szvHz-Han1an-zzzzzszzszzzas
ANSWER THIs.-Did you ever know
any person to he i'll, without inaction Of
the Stomach, Liver or Kidneys, or did
you ever know ono who was we'll when
either was obstructcd or inactive; and
did you ever know or hear Of any case
of the kind that Hop Bitters would not
cure?-Ask your neighbor this same
question.
MURDER will out, 80 will the fact
that Carboline, a deodorizcd extract OF
petroleum, the natural hair renewer
and restorer, Is the best preparation
ever invented and excels all other hair
dressings, as thousands Of genuine cer-
tifcates now in our possession abun-
daItly prove.