The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-10-07

he, but I know very little about II. and
care to know less; but this much i will
say for the benefit OF Mr.. sturgiss:
Twenty years ago took aleading mem-
Der Of the Republican party up into an ex-
ceedingly high mountain and showed HIM
the kingdom Of West Virgins and the
highest offices Of the State, and said 70
him, all thiswill / give you'll you viii let
the negro alone in his slavery. But the
man would not promise. That person
told me that this golden basin repre-
sented the Republican party. The
name Of the weasel ls journal" and Il
mas for It's motto Coward and upward
and true TO the line.n This much, said
Col. Satin, Is all that have time to ex-
plain to you Just now, for l have come
here TO perform very painful duty,
which is no less O task than to baptise by
the mode Of immersion tho political
standard. bearersoi West Virginia, each In
his own representative vessel, and you
will therefore prepare yourselves for the
ceremony.
On hearing this Mr.. jackson threw up
his eyelids and began TO cast fery glance:ss'
irst at the soap, and then at the Devil.
HWhy, said he, "Uncle Satan are there
not some terms by which this soft SOAP
baptism can be eyaded2n "Not that ]
know Of" was the surly answer; this ID
the imperative edict sent forth by the
eternal powers that be, and know OF nc
way to avoidit. But as you have always
been pretty good friend to me, ! will
take the liberty Of giving you your choice
on certain condition" "Name 1t then
said Jacob" ut Is this: You remember,
Jacob, that you said up at Cranberry the
other day that you had voted for the ordi'
Nance OF Secession, and that II the Repub'
lican party waited for you 10 take 1t back
they would wait 1900 years, and then you
wouldn't doit. Now that was little like
the election returns OF Alabama 1t was
over doing the thing entirely. uyou VIII
lust say that you are sorry You voted ior
Secession then I will baptise you In thai
bowl Of Republican honey, In when
have no power to. baptise Q proieeseo
rebel" Jacob looked at the huge iron
vessel and then at the Devil: Finally ne
said: 81 am sorry voted for secession,
and / will say or do anything to get rid O.
40 much soft soap" So Col. Satan took
hold Of Mr.. Jackson and with his great,
massive. muscular, Satanic arm, raised him
mn and let him down in the beautiful
Kettle Of honey, and brought him up stand
inc erect on the isthmus oil land.
Mr.. sturgis being Q stranger 70 the
Devil. had no choice but TO submit TO
Ria fate. So Satan took hold OF him and
Immersed him in the dirty soft soap and
stood him up by Mr.. jackson, and Jacob
leaned back and laughed one Of his Pc
cullar Democratic laughs, and sad;
CAB, brother George, do you remember
you challenged me the other day, In
Wheeling for . joint Discussion y do,
said George. hWell, now" said Jacob,
there I am, and I weigh 2S5 pounds, and
Il YOU want anything OF me, just say II"
"Hold up" said Satan; ~ forgot to men.
ton the concluding Terms Of this baptism.
Saving this he drew small ladle from his
pocket, and, handing II to Mr.. Sturgiss,
said: II am authorized to compel you TO
clean off all the honey from Mr.. Jack
son's garments and eat It, and Mr.. Jack
son will likewise clean off the dirty soap
from Mr.. Sturgiss' garments and eat It.
Against this Nj. Jackson solidly protested,
as being something ,unpolitical and unrea-
sonable, and denounced II also as being q
political scheme Of the devil to get him
into trouble. But Satan, on being thus
insulted, drew up his great iron pitch,,
fork. the points OF which had been heated
seven times hotter than they were wont
10 be heated. "Now," said he, "Mr. Jack
son. have no time to waste here, 30 now
TO business Here Mr.. Jackson changed
his tactics and began to beg most piteous-
| ". "Oh, said he, ~ cannot do this. My
stomach sickens; my whole frame shiyers;
235 pounds Of my physical nature reyolts
at the idea"
Jacob said Satan, ~ have known
Won for many years, and I know that You
have swallowed Mcclellan, Blair, and
Greedy, and are now trying to swallow
Hancock, and l think that any man who
can eat as much crow as you have eater
can-certainly eat q little soft soap, NOW
get to work: i will hear no more from you;
| | must be of to South Carolina where
have like matter to settle with Governor
Vance and Wade Hampton" n
So Jacob cleaned all the dirty soap iron
brother Georges garments and ate 1t, and
then Satan seated himself In the iron ket
tie and disappeared in the darkness be
low. Then Stureiss stepped into the golo
basin and 1t was drawn up into the air BY
what seemed to be the beautiful spirits
Of three hundred and fifty thousanc
Union soldiers who died to make this lane
land OF liberty, law, and justice.
turned to Mr.. Jackson and he looket
CHASTITY, pale and sick. How do you feel
/ asked? Oh, I am very, very sick, b,
said. hate, I do hate soft soap, with o.
the intensity OF my nature. !! intend t
live and die hating #, and l will teach m!
1 awoke, and was glad that | had onl!
been dreaming. y. Z. v.