Smyrna times., 1880-10-13
The Hen Convention.

county talr. 1t was largely attended, and
business of grave Importance was laid before
1t by Mrs. Speckleback, the president, who
stated that the time had comb for rearrang-
ing prices and The amount of the product.
Prices now were such that a hen might
slave the life out of her on the nest day in
and day out, and then not get enough
a head to carry her last brood through the
winter. She hoped the convention would /
waste no time in idle cacklcations on what
ought to be, but would 90 right to work |
and do it, so as to have matters going on ,
under wise readjustment before Thanks |
giving.
A pert little bantam in the gallery.
wanted to know when Thanksgiving came
this year.
motherly old Brahma from Flint river,
looked at the young cackler pityingly, and
said, Necks tweak," in tone that made
the whole convention SILVER.
The president whetted her beak on the
table and said, Comb, let us have no more
levity, Haven't you heard from Maine?"
Brahma Betsy, the delegate from Mont.
gomery county, moved that the convention
reatirm the platform of 1879, Eggs is
eggs" accent heavy on the eggs"
Mrs. Cackle would like to know on which
eggs?
Creepy Jane moved to amend by placing
the accent on lis"
Madam Dominique suggested that it
would be quite as well, and far more gram.
NAUTICAL, to say "eggs are eggs" but she was
cackled down amid the widest excitement,
it being the unanimous voice of the entire
convention that nobody ever heard of such
a thing.
Dokring Ann, Of Lee county, said she
would liked TO lay a statement before the
convention for investigation and discussion.
On the 10th Of September she had alone
and unassisted, which fact she now regret
ted very much, as it deprived her of wit
nesses, laid an egg on the shell of which
appeared the inscription, Ilanc-"
At this point the delegate was interrupted
by the president, who promptly pecked her
down. "The statement" the president
said, twas entirely too thin. 1t wouldn't
60 down in an Iowa convention. This sort
of thing never happened except during
presidential campaigns, and by Il singular
and wonderful coincidence, nobody ever
saw the wonderful egg except the hen who
laid it, and some unreliable man. it was
always broken by the children or eaten by
a horse before any one else could see it.
She had noticed that the editors themselves
saw the eggs themselves, and only accepted
the unsupported statement of some obscure
hen or Obscurer man. She hoped the good
sense and intelligence Of this convention
would not be trifed away in any more such
| mendacious nonsense,
A vote of the convention was then taken
declaring that it was the sense of the con-
yention that since the day of creation no
hen ever laid an egg with Hancock and
English" inscribed on the shell, and de-
nOuncing as q liar, william and q horse
thief any hen that made any pretense OIL
believing such monstrous newspaper and
hen.roost fables.
Shanghai Sal, of Polk county, regretted
the tendency of this convention to unbe
lief, as she herself had prepared paper
somewhat similar in general tenor to the
one which had just been so severely cen
sured. Sensation and signs of excitement
IN the convention. On the 18th of Sep
TENDER, at ten o'clock in the morning, she
also, alone and unasssted, had laid an egg
of unusually large size increasing indica
tions of excitement and incredibly, which
upon being broken, discovered a seconC
egg, perfectly formed, inside the first one
restless excitement and preparations fo
vigorous expressions of unbelief, with grea
difficulty repressed by the firm demeano
of the president and on the shell of thi
second egg was plainly inscribed the ex
element in the convention growing insup
portable, the delegates on the desks anC
crowding around the speaker, the sergeant
, at. arms and the president doing their bes
to maintain order in large letters Garfield
, and Arthur, 1882"
At this point the enthusiasm Of the mo
, | co. 0H hn convention off -
feet the delegations from Des Moines anC
Polk counties flew around the room twice
the galleries were convulsed with excite
t ment and the air was fairly choked will
feathers, and two hens from Dubuque flew
D up on the clerks desk and tried to crow
! and in one wild burst of cackling Shanghai
Sal was escorted to the presidents desl
! and asked what she would take?
: Order being restored, the president sal'
that delegate Sails statement sounded some
Q thing like statement. That there coul,
!. be in the mind of any intelligent hen, n
doubt she had performed, all unconsciously
t the marvellous, and, let US trust, prophet
n wild cackle of applause feat which sh
had narrated. l, myself, have no doub
a that | am voicing the sense of this conver
r ton in saying that Shanghai Sal did la
this Garfield and Arthur concentric egg.
d A voice" And she can do it again |"
v The president, enthusiastically" be
leve she could, right here, on this table
n before this convention"
e Dorking Ann, of Lee county, rose to
point of order. The statement of the dele
S gate from Polk county, was in many pa
/. ticulars similar to her own, which ha
been squawked at by the convention as er
Q tirely impossible, and she
akarplxy int tad he
! and said the time of the convention coul
not be FILTERED away in such idle cackling
the two statements differed entirely in th
is only vital particular, and the sense of tn
t. convention was not to be called in questio
r. on such points.
" Dorking Ann then rose to a question {
Is privilege, but was promptly fined two doze
it eggs for contempt, by the president, an
Q the convention proceeded with routin
D. business.
,s Mrs. Poland reported from the committe
IF on comparative phiology. The repor
10 which was very comprehensive, severed
n condemned the custom which prevailed
r. Missouri, of spelling egg "aig." The con
r. mittee also reported that the Germa
W custom of calling n hen "he" was calculate
.e to produce confusion. The custom of d.
4. signing the sons and husbands of heI
Q. as ROSTERS" was also condemned as slang
v and as not properly distinguishing or
a. chicken from another. The precise tin
At at which hen ceases to be chicken an
L becomes a fowl" was discussed at son
length, but without reaching any decision
= The subject of "spring chickens" was all
rt considered, the committee being incline
IN to think that a chicken, once thrown upo
8, the market as "spring chicken" was
p. be considered and exposed to sale as sue