The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1880-04-08
My wife's Bridal Tour.
BY NOSE SKINNER

p - -A}1i- iA>l - t-lt
When I married my second wife,
she was dreadful set about going off
for bridal tour. I told she'd better
wait six months or a year, and I'd try
to with her, but she said she'd rather
90 alone-whell woman was tray
cling, a man was an out-and-out hum
bug.
So gave her seventy-fye cents,
and told her to go off and have a good
time. never begrudge money where
my wife's happiness is concerned. My
first wife never could complain of not
going anywhere, for Pm dreadful fierce
to 90 off on a good time myself, and
always was. don't pretend to say how
many times I took her out to see the en-
CINE squirt, and there was no end to the
free lectures let her go to. The
neighbors used to say:
SIT does beat all how the SINNERS
do go?'
When Signor BlitZ was III Skunk
Vile, with his wonderful canaries, he
gave my wife complimentary ticket.
I not only sold that ticket for my wife
but I gave her half the money. don't
boast of it, though; 1 only mention it
to show how much l thought of my
wife's happiness.
l don't think any man ought to get
married until he can consider his wife's
happiness only second to his own.
John Wise, neighbor Of mine, did
thusly, and when 1 got marie d 1 con-
cluded to do like Wise,
But the plan didn't work in the cass
of my second wife. No, 1 should say
not. l preached the subject kindly !:
Matilda 1 said, 4 suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and
master
Not much you amt
Mrs. Skinner replied, you are
fearfully demoralized; you need reor-
ganizing at once. You are cranky.
And l brandished my new sixty-two
cent umbrella wildly around her. She
took the umbrella away from me and
locked me up in the clothes press.
am quick to draw an inference and
the inference l drew was that l was
not a success as a reorganizer of female
women.
After this 1 changed my tactics. l
let her have her own way, and the
plan worked t, a charm from the very
first It's the best way of managing
wife that / know of. OF course this
is between you and me.
So when my wife said she was bound
to go off on bridal tour, 1 cordially
consented.
2 Go, Matilda, said I, 'and stay as
long as you want to, then, if you feel
I as though you would like to stay a
l little longer, stay. my dear, stay.
She told me to stop talking and 90
S upstairs and get her red flannel night
+ cap, and that bag of penny-roYal for
$ her Aunt Abigail.
| My wife is avery smart woman. She
1 was Baxter, and the Baxters are a
l very smart family indeed. Her moth
t er, who is going on eighty can fry
I more slapjacks now than half those
E primped-up city girls who rattle on the
4 piano or else walk the streets with
/, furbelows aud fxings, pretending to
5 get mad if youth looks ut 'em pref
; ty hard, but getting mad in earnest if
/. you don't notice them at all.
+ All? girls amt what they used to
5 be when | was young, and the fellows
e are worse still. When / went court
l ing, for instance, 1 never thought of
J staying after ten o'clock, and only
/ went twice a week. Now they go sew
e en- nights i'll the week, and cry be-
v cause there amt eight. Then they
write touching notes to each other
/ during the day:
; Dear George, do you love me as
e much now as you did at quarter past
e twelve last night? Say YOU do dearest
n and it VIII give me courage to 90 down
is to dinner and tackle them cold beans
o left from yesterday
5 Well, well, l suppose they enjoy
L themselves, and it amt for us old
l. folks, whose hearts are a little callous
y ed by long wear, to interfere. LIE
them get together and court if they
like it-and l think they do l wa
forty-seven when l courted my presen
wife, but it seemed just as nice to 81
on a little cricket at her feet and LET
her smooth my hair as it did thirty
~ years ago.
ID As l said before, my wife is a yer,
smart woman, but she could not b,
anything else and be a Baxter. Sh,
le used to give lectures on w omen's Right
le and in one place where she lectured ;
big college conferred the title of L. L
d. on her. But she wouldn't take it
III No, gentlemen, she said, give it t.
If the poor
Is She was always just so charitable
She gave my boys permission to g,
barefoot all Winter, and insisted upol
y it so much in her kind way that the,