The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES,


dear little thing-A diamond.
A sheet anchor--A clothes pin.
4 piece congress-A quilting party.
How to get along in the word-Walk,
A pair Of revolvers-A Waiting couple.
A pair OF suspenders--A couple Of hsngnen.
1t is not assault and battery to strike match
How to get up pork and beans-Tade an emetic.
A kid-napper-Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
flying bootjack, like rolling stone, gathers
no-cats
Pittsburg will probably die young, because 1t
smokes.
A profape upstart-The man who sits down on
bent pin.
Heaven must have loved David Davis-st any
rate il made much Of him.
The question of to-day--Did your slippers fit,
parson!
Emulation hath a Thousand sons" En-. de.
serves pension,
The bee hive is the poorest thing in the world
to fall back on.
The dentists in convention agree to pull to-
gether for another year.
Young ladies who study law will be expected
to do some counting.
The great trouble with professional ball players
is to find pitcher that will hold water-only.
There appears to be fine field in Maine for an
enterprsing soothing syrup manufacturer.
During the recent warlke commoton in Maine
it is said Blaine had provided against sunstroke
by hiring a Substitute.
Garcelon NJ Maine must belong to what O. p
Morton, were he living, would call the vertebrate
species.
Referring to the proposal to get up the "Pas.
sion Play" in Chicago, the Boston Post says:
''They will have instead Of twelve, forty apos-
ties. There is nothing small about Chicago"
An Ohio man met weeping woman and kissed
her tears away. The jury found verdict Of
49, 500 fer the plaintiff 1t is far better to let her
squall.
"We are living at present in the very arms OF
tyranny" exclaims western scribe. Anal just
been married, have you Waterloo Observer.
Referring to the recent Tay bridge disaster In
Scotland, learned engineer says, the great dan
ger of rsn bridges consists in ''isochronal yibra
ton" Perhaps that's what as the Sherman
boom.
London paper thinks that by residing in Eu.
rope an American girl can gradually git rid Of
war-whoops." American girls don't war whoops
now.
About this Time the mean people of the world
are individualiEing themselves from the rest OF
their fellow-creeturcs by taking their presents
into the shops and asking the money value of
the same.
The St. Louis Journal Is of the opinion that
whenever young ladies learn to stick pin in
their apron string so that ii won't scratch fel.
lows wrist, there will be more marriages
the FREE IRApHR popgun! Seen through the
same lens, the Free Press must be a snap bug.
DR.. GGrcelon may be able to cure very uglyI
republicans disease down in Maine by the admin.
istration of Louisiana physic, but ii goes awfulyl
against the grain OF his patients to take the
dose.
1t is said that two Presbyterians, two Baptlsts,
two Universalists and an active Jew recently met
and conversed on theology together without
quarreling in Boston. The reason they did not
quarrel in Boston was because they were in New
York
They met, twas on the street
"Oh, such n bonnet" thought the one
The ether thought "What feetr'
Yet they did talk
Together walk
And kissed each others cheek-and chalk.
Fire Press.
he nf 4
cruel aud inhuman, but dangerous to human
NE Thirty persons In Michigan were poisoned
last week by eating sausage, the city authorities
having enforced an ordinance for poisoning
dogs
There was ayoung man up In Maine
As thirsty for blood Il farmer for rain:
But they called il sedition =
To seize ammunition,
And scared the bcligerent Blaine u
There was an ex-rebel chock full of old anger. |"
WHO heard up In Maine, the Republican clangor @
And he said with grin, c
AS he wiped Of his chin p
"Feconstruction's in progress in Bangor"
-IPorM.
Alta performance of the cantata of Gather" at +,
Dallas, Texas, AdS1rus was advised by some a
body in the audience not to "cut it too fat" The
personator OF the great Assyrian went TO the foot
lights and sad: This Is a religious show, and A
youll have to be decent. I'm Ahasr7n Just now, I,
but after the show I'm Sam Turner, and il anv /,
dufier would like to cut it fat then I'll give him
a mighty lively welcome" :,
The Denver RpaJlicdn makes the statement
that Yesterday morning Denver divine spoke q
OF the iconoclastic segregate of sim Two 4
churches IN Boston offered pulpits TO him by Il
telegraph last night, and the Colorado Spring. .
"a2ete offered him the position OF market report a
er. Culture tells" u
II must be great comfort to his admirers that Il
In his present irving situation Rlaino dom,