The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1880-06-19
MY WIFE'S BRIDAL TOUR.

DTluitl Iotf toitl lleT she Il DelteI Will
six months or 4 year. and I'd try to go
with her, but she said she'd rather go
alone-when a woman was travelling a
man was an out and out humbug.
SO gave her seventy-fve cents, and
told her to go off and have a good time.
l never begrudge money where my wife's
happiness is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of going anywhere,
for I'm dreadful fierce to go off on a
good time myself, and always was. |
don't pretend to say how many times |
took her out to see the engine squirt, and
there was no end to free lectures | let
her go to. The neighbors used to say:
1T does beat all how the SINNERS
go"
When Signor Blitz was in Skunkville,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but | gave
her half the money. don't boast of it
to show how much | thought of my
wife's happiness. l don't think any man
ought to get married until he can con-
slider his wife's happiness only second to
his own. John Wise, a neighbor of mine,
did thusly, and when l got married |
concluded to do like WISE
But the plan didn't work in the case
of my second wife. No, | should say
not. l preached the subject kindly:
Matilda" l said, Il suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and mas
ter
"Not much you ain t.
Mrs. Skinner replied, you are
fearfully dcmoralized: you need re-organ-
izing at once. You are cranky"
And | brandished my new sixty-two
cent umbrella wildly around her. She
took the umbrella away from me and
locked me up i'll the clothes press.
am quick to draw an Inference. and
the inference drew was that | was not
4 success as a re-organizer of female
women.
After this changed my tactics. | let
her have her own way, and the plan
worked to Il charm from the very first.
It's the best way of managing wife
that | know of. OF course this is be
tween you and me.
So when my wife said she was bound
to go off on bridal tour, | cordially
consented.
EGO, Matilda said l. "and stay as
long as you want to; then if you feel as
though you would like to stay little
longer, stay, my dear, stay
She told me to stop talking and go up
stairs and get her red flannel night cap
and that bag of penny royal for her
Aunt Abigail.
My wife is very smart woman. She
was a Baxter, and the Baxters are
very smart family indeed. Her mother,
who is going on eighty can fry more
slapjacks now than half those primped
up city girls who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the streets with their filrbe-
lows and tixings. pretending to get mad
if youth looks at 'em pretty hard, but
getting mad in earnest if you don't no.
tice them at all.
All. girls amt what they used to be
when | was young, and the fellows are
worse STILL When | went counting for
instance. | never thought Of staying after
10 clock, and only went twice week
Now they go seven nights i'll the week,
and cry because there amt eight. Then
there were touching notes to each other
during the day:
Dear George, do you love me as much
now as you did at quarter past twelve
last night? Say you do, dearest, and it
will give me courage to go down to din
ner and tackle them cold beans left over
from dinner yesterday
Well, well. suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks. whose
hearts are a little calloused by long wear,
to interfere. Let them get together and
court if they like it-and think they do.
| was forty-scven when | courtcd my
present wife. but it seemed just as nice
to sit on a cricket at her feet and let her
smooth my hair as it did thirty years
ago.
AS | said before. my wife is Il very
smart woman, but she could not be any
thing else and be a Baxter She used to
give lectures on Womcn's Rights. and in
one place where she lccturcd q big col
lego conferred the title of L.. d. on her.
But she wouldn't take it.
"No, gentlemen she said, give it
to the poor
She was always just So charitable. She
gave my boys permission to go barefoot
all winter, and insisted upon it SO much
in her kind way that they could mt re-
fuse.
She fairly dotcs on my children, and
Eve seen her many a time go to their
trowscrs pockets and take out their pen
MES, after they'd got to sleep, and put
them in the bureau drawer for fear they
might lose them.
= = =
started to tell you about my wife's
bridal tour, but the fact is | never could
find out much about it myself. believe
she had good time. She came back
improved in health, and | found out be
| fore she had been in the house twenty