Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-08-04
POLLING A RIVAL.

FUlLlNU A kIt AL.
"The critter loves me! I know she
loves mep said Jonathan Doublikins as
he sat on the cornfeld fence, meditating
on the course of true love, that was run
ming just as Shakespeare always said it
did-rather roughly. eff Suke Peabody
has taken shine to that gawky, long
shanked, stammerin', shy critter, Gusset,
just cause he's city Teller, she amt the
gal [ took her for, that's sartain. No, it's
the old folks, darn their ugly picturs.
Old Mrs. Peabody was alters dreadful
high-falutin critter, full Of big notions,
and the old mans soft head is driven
about by our cantankerous Dorkin' hen.
But if don't Spite his fun then my name
amt Jonathan. I'm going down to the
city by the railroad next week, and when
[ come back wake snakes, that's all.
The above soliloquy may serve to give
the reader some slight idea of the lay of
the land, in the pleasant village where
the speaker resided.
Jonathan Doublikins was young far
mer, well to do in the world, and looking
out for wife, and had been paying his
addresses to Miss Susan Peabody, of that
ilk, with fair prospect of success, when
city acquaintance of the Peabody's, one
Mr.. Cornelius Gussett, who kept a retail
dry goods store in Hanover street, Bos-
ton, had suddenly made his appearance
in the field, and commenced the cutting
out game. Dazzled with the prospect of
becoming a gentleman's wife, pestered
by the opportunities of her mamma, the
village beauty had begun to waver, when
her old lover bad determined on a last
bold stroke to foil his rival. He went to
the city and returned; of his business
there he said nothing, not even to the
pumping maiden aunt who kept house
for him. He went not near the Pea
bodys, but labored in his corn fields and
garden, patiently awaiting the result of
his Vaccinations.
The next day Mr. Gussett was sitting
with the old folks and their daughter, in
the best room of Peabody mansion, chat
ting as pleasantly as may be, when the
door opened, and in rushed furious
Irish woman.
''Is it here We are, Misther Cornelius"
she exclaimed, addressing the astonished
Gussett. "Come out of that before l
fetch we, we spalpeen! is that what we
promised me afore the praiste, We hay
then naygur? Cummin' away from me
and the childer, forsakin your lawful
and welded wife, and runnin' after Yam
kee girls, We infdel"
"Woman, there must be some mistake
here" stammered Gusset, taken all aback
by the charge.
Devil BIT of mistake, we sarpent.
Oh! warra was it for the like of We [
sacked Dennis Mccarthy, who loved the
very ground [ trod on, and all bekase ye
promised to make lady of me, ye dirty
q II u
along to the railroad station, where [ left
little Patrick, because he was too sick
with the smallpox to come any furder,
or will We wait til I drag ye?
"Go-go-along," gasped Gussett, ego
and I'll follow you"
He thought it best to temporize.
81 give you ten minits," said the vira-
90. 'If We amt there thin, it's me cOus-
in, Mr.. Thuddy Tulgrudery, will be after
We, We thafew And away went this IN
hidden guest.
Mr.. Gussett was yet engaged In stam-
mering out denial of all knowledge of
the virago, when the parlor door opened
and little black-eyed, hatchet-faced
woman, in a fashy silk gown, and cap
with many ribbons perched on the top
of her head, invaded the sanctity of the
parlor.
"Is he here?" she cried in decided
accent. Then she added, with scream,
"Ah-mon dieu la VOLTA! Here he is.
Traitre monstre! Vat for you run away
from me? Dis two or tree year. | new
air see you, nevair, and my heart broke
very bad entirely"
"Who are your" cried Gussett, his eyes
starting out of his head and shivering
from head to foot.
''He asks who l am! o ladies! O you
respectable old gentlehomme hear you
vot he ask Who am Petrifed! l
am your wife,"
81 never saw you before in my life, so
, help me God" cried Gussett energetic
ally.
Don't you wear!" said Deacon Pea
body. EFF you do I'll kick you into fits,
by golly. won't have no profane nor
vulgar language in my house."
80, bless you respectable old man dell
him he must come Wis me. Dell him
hev spoke to re constable-Dell him-w
.sobs interrupted her utterance.
"It's a pesky bad business" said the
Deacon, cha1ng with unwonted ire.
"Gussett, you're rascal"
Take care, Peabody, take care said
the uncomfortable store-keeper.
Il remarked you were rascal, Gus
sett. You have gone and married two
wives and that ere's a flat burglary, if
know anything about revised statutes"
1.-TWO vifes!' shrieked the Esench wo-
man.,