The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-04-24
THE PACIFIC
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SATURDAY, APRIL "a.
The Brakeman Who Went to Church.

This is from the Burlington Qa.) Haekeye.
and ought TO be true-tO some extent;
To me comes the brakeman, and seating him
self on the arm of the seat, says: Il went to
church yesterday"
"Yes?" | said, with that interested infection
that asks for more. And what church did you
attend p
(Which do you guess?" he asked.
''Some union mission church - l hazarded.
Now he said, II don't like to run on these
branch roads very much. [ don't often go to
church, and when | do, [ want to run on the main
line, where you run in regular, and you 90 on a
schedule time and don't have to wait on con-
nections. | don't like to run on a branch. Good
enough, but | don't like it,
s'EpiscopaF2'' l guessed.
"Limited express he said, sail palace cars
and 81 extra for a seat, fast time, and only
stop at the big stations. Nice line, but too ex-
haustiYe for a brakeman. All train men in uni
form, conductors punch and lantern silver plated,
and no train boys allowed. Then the passengers
are allowed to talk back at the conductor; and it
makes them too free and easy. No, | couldn't
stand the palace ears. Rich road, though. Don't
often hear OF a receiver being appointed for that
line. Some mighty nice people travel on it, too
"Universalist p / suggested.
"Broad-gauge, +" said the. brakeman, ''does too
much complimentary business. Everybody travels
on a pass. Conductor doesn't get a fare once in
fifty miles. Stop at all flag stations, and won't
run into anything but a union depot. No smok-
ing car on the train. Train orders arc vague
though, and the trainmen don't get along well
with the passengers. No, l don't 60 to the Uni
versalist, though | know some awfully good men
on that road
Presbyterian p l asked.
Marrow gauge, ell 2" said the brakeman,
''pretty track, straight as a rule; tunnel right
through a mountain rather than go around 1t;
spirit-level grade, passengers have to show their
tickets before they get on the train. Mighty
strict road, but the cars are a little narrow; have
to sit in a seat, and no room in the aside to dance.
Then there's no stop-over tickets allowed; got to
go straight through to the station you're ticketed
for, or you can't get on at all. When the cars
full, no extra coaches; cars built at the shops to
hold just so many, and nobody else allowed on.
But you dom often hear of any accident on that
road. It's run right up to the rules"
"Maybe you joined the free thinkers ?' L said.
Scrub nad,' said the brakeman, "dirt road
bed and 10 ballast; no time card and no
train dispatcher. All trains run wild, and every
engineer makes his own time, just as he pleases.
Smoke if you want to, kind of go-as-yOu-please
road. Too: many side tracks, and every switch
wide open all the day, with the switchman sound
asleep and the target lamp died out. Go on as
you please and get off when you want to. DON:
have to show your tickets, and the conductor
isn't expected to do anything but amuse the
passengers. No sir, l was offered a pass, but l
don't like the line. ] don't like to travel on a
line that has no terminus. Do you know, sir,
| asked a division superintendent where that
road run to, and he said he hoped to die if he
knew. | asked him if the general superintend-
ent could tell me, and he said he didn { believe
they had a general superintendent, and if they
had he didn't know any more about the road
than the passengers. L asked him who he re-
ported to, and he said nobody | asked a con-
ductor who he got his orders from, and he said
he didn't take orders from any living man or
dead ghost. And when L asked the engineer
who he got his orders from, he said he'd like to
see anybody give him orders, he'd run the train
to suit himself or he would run it into the ditch.
Now, you see, sir, I'm a railroad man, and l
don't care to run on a road that has no time,
makes no connections, runs nowhere, and has no
superintendent. 1t may be all right, but I've rail-
roaded too long to understand it,
"Did you try the Methodist" | said.
Now, you're shouting" he said with some
enthusiasm. mice road, eh? Fast time and
plenty of passengers. Engines carry a power of
steam, and don't you forget it; steam gauge
shows a hundred and enough all the time. Lively
road; when the conductor shouts 'all aboard
you can hear him to the next station. Every
train lamp shines like a headlight. Stop-over
checks given on all through tickets; passenger
can drop off the train as often as he likes, do the
station two or three days and hop on the next re-
vival train that comes laundering along. Good,
Whole-souled, companionable conductors; amt a
road in the country where the passengers feel
more at home. No passes; every passenger pays
full traffic rates for his ticket. Wesleyan house
air Drake on all trains, lOO1 pI6lIJ sdIe EOdus DuI
L didn't ride over it yesterday
ssMaybe you went to the Congregational
church - | said.
popular road, - said the brakeman, San old
road, too; one of the very Oldest in this country
Good road bed and comfortable cars. Well man.
aged road, too; directors don't interfere with
division superintendent and train orders. Road
mighty popular. but it's pretty independent, too.
See, didn't one Of the division superintendent
down east discontinue one OF the oldest stations
on this line two or three years ago? But it's a
mighty pleasant road to travel on. Always had
such a splendid class OF passengers"
perhaps you tried the BaptistY' L guessed
once more.
"Ah, all :" said the brakeman, ''she's a daisy,
isn't she ? River road; beautiful curves; sweep
around anything to keep close to the river, but
it's all steel rail and rock ballast, single track all
the way, and not a slde-track from the round
house to the terminus. Takes a heap of water to
run it though; double tanks at every station,
and there isn't an engine In the shops that can
pull a pound or run a mile in less than two
gauges. But it runs through a lovely country;
these river roads always do; river on one side and
hills on the other, and it's a steady climb up the
grade all the way till the run ends where the
fountain-head of the river begins. Yes, sir, I'll
take the river road every time for a lovely trip,
sure connections and good time, and no prairie
dust blowing in at the windows. And yesterday
when the conductor came around for the tickets
with a little basket punch, L didn't ask him to
pass me, but | paid my fare like a little man
twenty-five cents for an hours run and a little
concert by the passengers thrOwed in. l tell you,
Pilgrim. you take the river road when you
want
But lust here the long whistle from the engine
announced a station, and the brakeman hurried
to the door, shouting:
s'Zionsyille. This train makes no stops be-
tween here and Indianapolis J"