The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-06-05

and L hllt up my mead, ready 10 look
any man in the face, and not afraid of
nothin' 1t was circus and brass
band, and big ball all goin' on at the
same time He lit into them keys like
a thousand of brick; he gave 'em no
rest day or night; he set every livin'
joint in me a-goin', and not bein' able
to stand it no longer, jumped, spang
onto my seat, and jest hollered:
"Go it, Rube!"
Every blamed man, woman and child
in the house riz on me and shouted,
"Put him out! put him out!"
"Put your great-grandmother's grizz-
ly gray greenish cat into the middle Of
next MONTH" l says. "Tech me if
you dare paid my money and you
jest come a-nigh me!'
With that some several policemen run
up, and 1 had to simmer down. But |
could aft any fool that laid hands ON
me, was bound to hear Ruby out or
die.
He had changed his tune again. He
hop-light ladies and tip-toed fine from
end TO end of the keyboard. He played
soft and low and solemn. l heard the
church bells over the hills. The candles
of heaven was lit, one by one; / saw the
stars rise. The great organ of eternity
began to play from the worlds end to
the worlds end, and all the angels went
to prayers. Then the music
changed to water, full of feeling that
couldn't be thought, and began to drop
drip, drop-drip, drop, clear and
sweet, like tears of joy falling into alake
of glory. 1t was sweeter than that. It
was sweet as sweetheart sweetened
with white sugar MKT with powdered
silver and seed diamonds. 1t was too
sweet. tell you the audience cheered.
Rubin he kinder bowed, like he wanted
to say, "Much obleeged, but L rather
you wouldn't Interrupt me-"
He stopt a moment or two to ketch
breath. Then he got mad. He run his
fingers through his hair, he showed up
his sleeves, he opened his coat-tails
leetle further, he drug up his stool, he
leaned over, and, sir, he just went for
that old pianner. He slapt her face, he
boxed her jaws, he pulled her nose, he
pinched her ears, and he scratched her
cheeks until she fairly yelled. He
knockt her down and he stamped on
her shameful. She beloved, she bleat-
ed like calf, she howled like hound,
she squealed like pig, she shrieked
like rat, and then he wouldn't let her
up. He ran a quarter stretch down the
low grounds of the base, till he got
clean in the bowels of the earth, and
you heard thunder galloping after thun.
der, through the hollows and caves of
perdition and then he fox-chased his
right hand with his left till he got way
out of the treble into the clouds, war
the notes was finer than the pints of
cambria needles, and you couldn't hear
nothin' but the shadders of 'em. And
then he wouldn't let the old pianner 90.
He for'ard two'd he crost over first
gentleman, he chassade right and left,
back to your places, he all hands'd
aroun', ladies to the right, promenade
all, in and out, here and there, back and
forth, up and down, perpetual motion,
double twisted and turned and tackled
and tangled into forty-eleven thousand
double bow knots.
BY Jinks! it was mixtery. And then
he wouldn't let the old pianner go. He
loCHt up LIS LIZ he WHY, NC lcCHt up HIS
left wing, he fecht up his center, he
feet up his reserves. He fired by file,
he fired by platoons, by company, by
regiments, and by brigades. He opened
his cannon-siege guns down thar, Ma
poleons here, twelve Founders yonder-
big guns, little guns, middle-sized guns,
round shot, shells, shrapnels, grape,
canister, mortar, mines and magazines,
every livin' battery and bomb a-goin' at
the same time. The house trembled,
the lights danced, the walls shuk, the
floor come up, the ceilin' come down,
the sky split, the ground rokt-heavens
and earth, creation, sweet potatoes,
Moses, ninepences, glory, ten-penny
nails, Sampson in 'simmon tree,
lump, Tompson in a tumbler-cart,
roodle-oodle-oodle oodle-ruddle-u ddle-
uddle-uddle = raddle- addle- addle-addle
-riddle-iddle-iddle e-reedle-eedle-
eedle-eedle-p-r-r-r-rlang! Bang! lang!
perlang! p-r-r-r-r-r!! Bang!!!
With that bang! he lifted himself bod
lily into the ar and he come down with
his knees, his ten fingers, his ten toes,
his elbows, and his nose, striking every
solitary key on the pianner at the same
time. The thing busted and went off
into seventeen hundred and fifty-seven
thousand five hundred and forty-two
heme-demi-semi quivers, and / know'd
no mo'.-Ihe Quarterly Elocutionist.
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