The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-19
How q Married Woman Goes to Sleep,

AAcIc Is I'LL arClCIc gong the ROUNDS
entitled: GLOW Girls Go to Sleep"
The manner in which they go to sleep,
according to the article, can't hold a
candle to the way married woman
goes to sleep. Instead of thinking
what she should have attended to be-
fore going to bed, she thinks of it af-
terward. While she is revolving these
matters i'll her mind, and while snugly
tucked up in bed, the old man is
scratching his legs in front of the fire,
and wondering how he will pay the
next months rent. Suddenly she says !:
flames, did you lock the door,"
+ (which door," says James.
"The cellar door," says she.
mo" says James.
"Well, you better go down and lock
1t, for heard some person in the back
yard last night"
Accordingly, James paddles down
stairs and locks the door. About tho
time James returns aud is going to oct
Into bed, she remarks:
did you shut the stair door,"
mo" says James.
+. swell, if it is not shut, the cat will
get up into the bedroom"
"Let her come up, then" says James,
ill-naturedly.
my goodness, no." returns his wife.
'She'd suck the baby's BREATH"
Then James paddles down stairs
again, and steps on tack, and closes
the stair door, and curses the cat, and
returns to the bedroom. Just as he
begins to climb into his couch his wifo
observes:
~ forgot to bring up some water.
Suppose you bring some up in the big
And so James with muttered curse
goes down into the dark kitchen and
falls over chair, and rasps all the tim
ware OFT the wall in search of the "big"
tin, and then jerks the stair-door open
and howls:
"Where the deuce are the matches?"
She gives him minute directions
where to find the matches, and adds
that she would rather go and get the
water herself than have the ncighbor-
hood raised about it. After which
James finds the matches, brochures tho
water, comes up stairs and prepares
himself once more to retire. Before
accomplishing this feat his wife sud-
denly remembers that she forgot to
chain the dog. A trip to the kennel
follows, and he once more plunges into
bed.
Presently his wife says:
"James, let's have all understanding
about money matters. Now, next
week Eve got to pay"
~ don't know what you'll have to
pay, and I don't care," shouts James,
as he lurches around and jams his face
against the wall "all I want is Sleep"
"That's all very we'll for you," snaps
his wife, as she pulls the covers Vi
ciously; "you never think of the worry
and trouble have. And there's Ara
minta, who I believe is taking the
measles"
"Let her take EN-" says James.
Hereupon she begins to cry softly,
but about the time James is falling in
to gentle dozc she punches him in the
ribs with her elbow and says:
''Did you hear that scandal about
Mrs. Jones?"
What Jones?" says James, sleepily.
"Why, Mrs. Jones'"
"Where?" inquired James.
II declare" says his wife, "you are
getting more stupid every day. You
know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. 21?
Well, day before yesterday, Susan
Smith told Mrs. Thompson that Sam
Baker has said that Mrs. Jones had"
Here she pauses and listens. James
is snoring in profound slumbcr. With
snort of rage she pulls all the cover
off him, wraps herself up in them, and
lays awake until 2 a. M, thinking how
badly used she is.
And that is the way q married
woman goes to sleep.-PtItsburgh
Leader.