The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-09-15
MISCELLANY.
TRIO UBLE AT HANCOgKsS HEAD
QUARTERS.

| AuSs Vbus 1CCV. y
The newspapers are full NV an akkount NV
General Hancock's faintin in the presence Nv
two deiegashuus wich called on him.
The troo histry NV the case is this.
| We have electric arrangement from the
ante-room where l stand, to The Generals
rooms. There are so keys marked with the
States and sbads Nv opinyon wich make the
Dimekratic party. Thus one is marked " Moo
York--hard money!" another " Loozeaner--
secesh," and SO on.
My dooty is to admit only one party at a
time to see the General, and to notify him IN
advance wat principles the yisitin' party per-
fesses, that our candidate may make no mis-
takes.
For instance, Their comes man from Penn
sylvany. It is my dooty to find wat his no.
shuns are on the tariff. / ask him, to begin
with, how trade is. He ansers Bully
Then | say, 81 how does the present tariff
work for you9o He SEE, "Bully," wunst
more, and then know all about it. He is
Interested in manufacters, and is a high tariff
man.
Then the matter looks comparatively sim.
pie fetch a keyswic is marked, I. Penn
| sylvany -tarihf, and send him into the pres.
ence, and Gineral Hancock knows eggsactly
wat to say to him, and he seq Ii, and sends
him away happy.
Eff the visitor is from Illinoy, and happens
to be free trader, a key is fetched SO labeled
and the Gineral also knows what to say to
him..
The same rool applies to all other visitors
We hev ez meny keys ez Their are shades of
opinyon in the party. 1t requires gigantic
intelleck to keep the run NV EN-, and that is
why l okkepy that responsible posishun.
Nv course | make mistakes occasionally.
for no man kin keep the track NV SIGH divers
ity Nv principle. did fetch the key marked
War Dimekrat, for secesh Major from
Loozeaner, and he come out IN a towerin' rage
by being informed by the Gineral that he
will never be satisfied till every man witch
bore arms in the Confederacy he'd passed
away, and we mite hev peace, and It wuz a
mistake when fetched the key niarkt " Con-
federacy and sent in Wisconsin farmer
witch he'd he'd two sons killed at Antietam.
The old man didn't like to be told that Con-
fedrit soljers shood hev the same penshuns ez
the Northern hirelsps wch invaded the South
SO brootally.
But the trouble referred to okkurred yes
terdy. There cum a delegashen NV wide
hated men from Maine and Ipjeany, wich
wantid to consult the Gneral ez to his views
on the CRATE question Nv Unlimited greenbax,
and jist at the same mint Their cum delega-
shen from the City NV Moo York wich wuz a
going to demand a expreshn ez to honist
money.
Iinsistid that but one delegashun shood go
in at time, and ez the Injeany men wuz
nearest the door, fetched the soft money
key, and asked 'em in. The hard money men
hustled them aside, and thinking they wood
push In first, fetched the hard money key -
This demoralized the General, and to add to
the horror NV the accident they both pushed
past me, and rushed in all together.
Then scene ensood wich battles descrip-
shen. n eff
"Wat we want to know" sed the spokes-
man Nv the Injeany and Maine delegashen,
rsntry - hov onI;n;t;d ,norau nd oonso,.en.
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