The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-09-17
IIUAlOR.

author.
HUMOR.
If you wish to take care of your health
take air.
Why is q miser like man with short
memoryl Because he is always forget
ting.
They have decided to put the obelisk on
a knoll. Very appropriate place for knoll
led thing like that,
A Chinaman, who was locking at an Amer
lean eating tripe, said, "Ahd yet he hates
dear little miceW
How different are the aldermen Of Cleye-
land from those of any other city In are
port in the Plaindealer, we find that "Al-
derman Blank arose and made few sensi-
bic remarks. Can he be hired to remove
to Detroit! -Detrot Free Press.
A Toronto alderman, of the typical ample
dimensions, wandered around for white
on the LIST day of April, with placard
across his back inscribed: "Widened at
the expense of the corporation"
Teachers suppose you have two sticks
Of candy and your big brother gives you
two more, how many have you got them"
Little boy Shaking his head)-"You don't
know him-he amt that kind Of boy
A Kansas City reporter records the fact
that the defeated candidate took his way
to the train wrapped in gloom and new
store clothes. The gloom was an elegant
fit, but the store clothes were too short in
the legs and baggy about the shoulders.
"I'll teach you how to lie and steal, and
smoke, and use protane language" said an
irate Galveston father, at the same time
swinging good sized club; "I'll teach
you, you young scamp" "Never mind,
father, | know all about them branches al
ready"
A man who was possessed of a pair of
twins of whom he was very proud was al
ways praising and reciting their good quail
tiles. AT last he gave them an overdose of
an opium tincture which killed them. His
friends said he was only carrying out his
practice of laudanum to the skies.
While moving a log recently, Milo Par
sons, Of Forthville, Conn, found himself |
covered from head to foot with
hornets. Want OF space forbids the publ
cation Of his remarks. Boston Tran
script.
The weak, cracked voice Of the little old |
maid up in the gallery is just as sweet to
the One in whose praise the hymn is raised |
as the bell-like notes of the high -pnced |
soprano in the choir.-Philadelphia
Item.
It's asserted that after few drinks of
both liquids no man can distinguish claret
from buttermilk by the taste, and this
statement has been proved by experiments.
There is nothing remarkable about that,
however. Beyond certain point, which is
reached by one a, M, very few
men can tell the difference between whisky
md settler, especially if he takes them
ogether.-Burlington Hawkeye.
"And what is your namel" said Spicer,
rs the porter gave the finishing touch to his
,alfskins. Mark, sur" said the Hibernian
rs he gathered his brushes. Sorry" said
he questioner; you won't live long. Death
owes shining Mark" and depositing a
Inning mark in the polisher's hand he stroll
d away, leaving the old man of brushes to
SIX the nearest row boy "F' what that
quare oulb telfy meant by that!'-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Believers in metempsychosis have had
heir faith refreshed by a recent child who,
pom coming into the world, made search
ng scrutiny Of his surroundings, and sink
NJ back in the nurses arms remarked,
Thank Heaven, at last | have got myself
orn into family that is comfortable fix
d,'-From the French.
An Englishman and Welshman disput-
ne in whose country was the best living,
aid the Welshman: "There is such nobl
housekeeping in Wales that have known
bove dozen cooks employed at one wed
ing-dinner. " cay" answered the Eng
shman, "that was because every one toast
d his own cheese"
Butterl You remember the story of the
uest who was eating more butter than
lscuit, while the landlady looked on, and
dgeted, and limited until she fairly went
nto nervous fit, Finally she said: "Do
on know that butter is up to 90 cents
ound| The hungry guest reached out
nd took what there was lett. "Well,n he
rawled, approvingly and reassurdingy,
good butter is with it,
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OuGHT q woman 70 kiss q tobacco. Chew