South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-07-30
WIT A ND HU M . r !.

his mother, when suddenly q thunder
storm came on, when the little boy
exclaimed, 'Oli, mamma, the sun is
bursting out into loud laugh
The boy who was kept in after
school for bad photography said he
was spell-bound.
Something new and original in the
line of wedding music has been ar
ranged by composer. In imitation
OF thc English ncblcmen who have
recently turned the notes on opera
and song, this modest musician has
prepared as prelude when the hap
py couple enter the church the Sweet
BY and By with variations, and MS
they retire at the close of the ceremo-
ny he strikes up what shall the Iar-
vest De 2 The effect is said to be
fine, and no doubt the music will be
popular.
Co'orcd preachers in Georgia be-
lieve in collecting their salary peace
ably If they can, forcibly If they must.
There is one in Cobb County, for ex-
ample, who puts definite amount of
the salary debt on each member of
the congregation, and when they have
no money he makes them work on
his farm till they pay Off the debt.
Fax said Pat Maloney, IF was
goin' to commit sooecidc, I'd kick a
can Of nitro-glycerine an pat me fing-
ers In me ears SOS the nizc wouldn't
scare me-
a mother noticing her little daugh-
ter wipe her mouth with her dress
sleeve, asked her what her handl<er-
chief was for. Said the little one !:
1t is to shake at the ladies in the
street. That is what papa does with
his
JUSTICE MARSHALL AND TIE TUR-
kEY.-Chief Justice Marshall was a
great man but great men arc not apt
TO be proud. He was not too proud
to wait upon himself He was in the
habit Of going to market himself, and
carrying home his purchases. Often
would he be seen going home ut sun
rise, with poultry in one hand and
vegetables in the other.
On one Of these occasions a fashion
able young man from the North, who
had removed from Richmond, was
swearing violently because he could
find no one to carry home his turkey.
Judge Marshall stepped up to hiln and
asked where he lived. When he
heard he said
That is my way [ will carry your
turkey home for you.
When they came to the house the
young man asked, what shall L pay
you p
ooh, nothing said the Judge, eyon
are welcome; it was all in my way,
aud 1t was no trouble to me-
Who is that polite old man vino
brought my turkey home for Inc p
asked the young man Ola by-standor.
'Oh,' said lie, that was Judge Mar
shall, Chief Justice Of the United
States
Why did he bring home my tur-
koy?'
i suppose he did it, said the by
stander, ito teach you not to feel a.
boye attending to your own business.
Yes, daughter, you should go some
where this summer. You can not
stay ut home during the warm wealth.
er and live. TO be sure. your moth
er who hasn't been out Of town since
she was married, can stand it, but
then she IS old-fashionod, and doesn't
know any better, and, besides, she
has fun enough doing the Washing
and ironing By ali means 90. Get
a linen buster and o basket and go
at once.
Grace am going TO sec Clara
today. Have you any message 2 |
Charlotte wonder low YOU can
visit that dreadful girl Give hex my
love
A Miss Wheat, down in Indiana.
was thrashed the other day by lover
whose Wheat heart she had ceased
to be.
a lady nowadays doesn't mind
having her age recorded in the family
bible. 1t is almost sure 10 remain |
secret.
circumstances alter cases, said tie
unsuccessful lawyer, but my cases
don't alter my circumstances
Goods at half price, said tbe sign.
How much is that teapot? asked the
old lady who had been attracted by tie
announcement. Fifty cents, mum.
4 guess III taho IL then she said |
throwing down 2 quarter. The dealer
let her have The teapot, In, took IN his
sign before another customer could /
como in.--Boston Transcript
A poet 5ays, 'Loyo holds me go Fl
would That / could GO, TGv'te7up aud
down, and 20 and fr0 IN vair-lovo
holds ne so 2 Eat n rag onion just DC
fore YOU 90 20 sec her, aud she will
loosen her grasp md throw ~ o w.n
dow
Prof Crcon, distinguished pe,loa.
4 4 -. 81. 81 d