Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-09-15
IsMark Twain in the Atlantic Monthly.]
Mrs. McWiIliams and Lightning.

for this was not the beginning OF th,,,s talk
the fear of lightning is one of the most
distressing infrmities human being
can be afflicted with. 1t is mostly con-
fined to women; but now and then you
find it IN a little dog and sometimes in a
man. 1t is particularly distressing in
trinity for the reason that it takes the
sand out of person to an extent which
no other fear can, and it can't be reason
ed with, neither can it be shamed out of
aperson. A woman who could face the
very devil himself-or a mouse-loses
her grip and goes all to pieces in front of
flash of lightning. Her frightis some
thing pitiful to see.
Well, as [ was telling you, woke up,
with that smothered aud unbeatable
cry of Mortimer Mortimer p wailing
In my ears; and as soon as / could scrape
my faculties together [ reached over in
the dark and then said:
Evangeline, is that you calling
What is the matter? Where are you %
s'Shut up in the boot-closet. You
ought to be ashamed to lie there and
sleep so, and such an awful storm going
on.
"Why, how can one be ashamed when
he is asleep? It is unreasonable; man
can't be ashamed when he is asleep,
Evangeline.
"You never try, Mortimer, you
know very well you never try
[ caught the sound of muff1ed sobs.
That sound smote dead the sharp
speech that was on my lips, and L
changed it to
"I'm sorry, dear,-I'm truly sorry.
[ never meant to act so. Come back
and"
Mortimer p
"Heavens What is the matter my
love %
Do you mean to say you are in that
bed yet?"
''Why, of course. y
"Come out of it instantly. should
think you would take some little care of
your life, for my sake and the children S,
If not for your own. ="
''But my love-"
''Don't talk to me, Mortimer. You
know there is no place SO dangerous as
a bed In such storm as this-all the
books say that; yet there you would lie,
and deliberately throw away your life
for goodness what, unless for the sake of
arguing and arguing, and"
But confound it, Evangeline, I'm
not In the bed, now. I'm"
Sentence interrupted by a sudden
glare of lightning, followed by terrible
little scream from Mrs. McWilliams and
a tremendous blast of thunder.
"There You see the result. Oh,
Mortimer, how can you be so prohigate
as to swear at such time as this ?"
90 I didn't swear. And that wasn't q
result of it any way. It would have
come, just the same, if [ hadn't said g
word; and you know very well, Evange,
Ene-at least you ought to know-that
when the air is charged with electric.
ity@"
ooh, yes, now argue it and argue, il
and argue it. [ don't see how you can
act so, when you know there is not g
lightning rod on the place, and your
poor wife and children are absolutely al
the mercy of Providence. What are you
doing? Fighting match at such a time
as thisl Are you stark mad?"
'"Hang it, woman where's the harm
The place is as dark as the inside of al
infdel, and
"Put it out put it out Instantly
You know there is nothing attracts
boom-boloom- boom-boom Oh, jus
hear it Now you see what you've
done p
"No, / don't see what I've done. A
match may attract lightning, for all
know, but it don't cause lightning
go odds on that. And it didn't attrac
worth a cent this time; for if that sho
was leveled at my match, it was blessed
poor marksmanship-about an average
of none out of possible million,
should say. Why, at Dollymount
such craftsmanship as that
'For shame, Mortimer Here W,
are standing right In the very presenc
of death, and yet in SO solemn a momen
you are capable of using such Language
as that. If you have no desire to
Mortimer p
ssWen 2"
"Did you say your prayers to night !?
sI-I-meant to, but L got to tryin,
to cipher out how much twelve times
thirteen is, and"
EFT -boom-berrom- boom humble
umble bang-smash y
ooh, we are lost, beyond all help
How could you neglect such thing a
such time as this %
But 1t wasn't such time as this.
there wasn't cloud in the sky. HOY
could I know there was going to be al
this rumpus and pow-wow about littl
slip like that? And I don't think it.
Just fair for you to make so much out c
it, any way, seeing it happens SO seldom
[ havnt missed before since | brough
on that earthquake, four years ago."
mortimer How you talk Hav
you forgotten the yellow fever ?"
envy dear, you are always throwing u
the yellow fever to me, and think it j
perfectly unreasonable. You can't ever
send a telegraph message as far a
Memphis without relays, SO how is lii
tie devotional slip of mine going to carr
so far? I'll stand the earthquake, be
cause it was in the neighborhood; bu
I'll be hanged ii I'm going to be respor
sible for every blamed"