The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-03-27
VARIETIES.

hood
The belle of the kitchen-The din
ner-bell.
What hath ears but hears not? A
crib of corn? ts.r
-Parlor matches Counting in the
drawing room.
-Ama without enemies is like bread
without yeast-He never rises.
Editors and hens must scratch for
living.-Qut'scy Modern Argo.
"A woman cries most when she's
sweeping Wheeling Sunday Leader.
"A Utah wedding paragraph says
n" the bride was logged out in white
gauze."
The Legislature of Mississippi has
imposed tax of three dollars upon
bachelors over twenty-five years of age.
Russia must be a great country
for hard colds. Almost everyone's
name ends with L" koff. Free Press.
What is home without childrenP-
Y07aEers Gazette. It's an awful lone
some place for molasses jug. OSs0ego
Record.
If the Nihilists really mean business
they should get his wife to playfully
point an unloaded gun at the Gar,
This is dead sure thing.
"A railway company in Italy lately
advertised for 1000 servants at 1.S0
francs (thirty-six cents) a day, and 49,
600 applications were received.
Every man who has become Presi-
dent of the United States has been
elected during leap year. This is
something for the girls to wonder over.
The New Haven Register says:
Men who do not know how to "run a
newspaper as it ought to be-" are as
scarce as men born with wooden legs.
"A lover, unworthy of the name,
threatened to publish lady's letters.
81" You can if you choose" she answered;
g it is only the address that makes me
blush"
1t is now asserted by Boston den
fist that the only true way to clean
teeth is to bite into a raw potato three
or four times per day. Sandpaper won't
take the black off.
Get a COW with dreamy eve if YOU
want a COOK mixer Press. For
Dreamy read creamy" A night
mare is the only animal that has a
dreamy Philadelphia Bulletin.
Lots of young men will present a
girl with a fivedollar bouquet when her
shoes are all run over and she is in sad
need of new pair. The young have
no Judgment. Free Press.
"A new man in the country news
paper business publishes under his ed
itorial heading; This paper published
for $3.50 per year, if paid in advance;
So if paid at the end of the year, and
$3.50 if not paid at all"
Put away his crack brain puzzle,
He has climbed the asylum STAIR
Numbers 49, Is, IA,
Turned his head and sent him there
Utica Observer.
"Why do you make PROMISES" ex-
claimed an irate creditor, eff you don't
expect to keep themP' go, cheek!'
shouted the debtor; "why do you make
goods when you don't want to keep
them"
Lady" A pretty sight, isn't it,
i. doctor? l don't see any of your little
ones here! 1 hope you don't disapprove
of Juvenile partiesP" DR.. Littletums
famous for his diagnosis of infantile
disease) &c /, my dear madam! On the
contrary like themr'
"a place for everything, and
everything in its place" A man at
Yale nails his slippers on the wall four
feet up, and then all he has to do of an
evening is to wheel up his easy chair
in front of them and pull out his mer-
schaum.
Two boys will scrape away three
inches of snow and play marbles on the
frozen ground without word of COM
plant, while their fathers will look
over the back yard for the AK and jaw
like blazes if they can't find it in min
1ate.-FTee Press.
"A Boston man has invented proc
ess of making paper boxes directly
from the pulp. 1t is said that by the
use Of one set of his machines thirty
thousand boxes can be produced in
day, at less than one-third of the low
est market price of handmade goods.
The Boston newspapers tell of q
stage-struck woman who got a divorce
from her husband in order to become
an actress, failed dismally behind the
footlights, returned to her home. and
begged to be made wife again, which
was done by remarriage.
81 shall know better next time"
said Mrs. Keepupwiththestyle. "That
hateful milliner told me the hat was
something new, and there were four
hats just like it in church; but might
have known better. / saw the new
moon over my left shoulder. OF course
I'd be unlucky." -Neso Haven Register.
1t is now discovered agrioulturally
that the surest way to get rid of che
weeds is to marry the widow. "This
is very agreeable kind of husbandry,"
says an exchange. 1t is, but the sold
man Weller tried that and "the wen-
ture" was bad ne.-H0DE- Eye.
-Ex-Empress Carlotta, who has for
so long taken no interest in anything,
has of late taken to insisting on wear
ing the very latest style of bonnet, and
will have shoes just as small as she can
get on. They think her reason is re-
turning. boston Post.
In the matter of spring bonnets, it
is confidently asserted that colored
straws are to enjoy greater vogue