The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-03-03
CURRENT HUMOR.
II was q high school graduate.
Who biscuits tried To make.
Already having tied her hand
At n batch II plg lead cake.

she stirred away lutte faithfully
Until did ache her bvnes.
Blu. the product Of The long days toll
Was sold for paving stones.
tone man profits BY another mans NILS
takes" True, Ingersoll has made $4,000 by
the mistakes Of Moses.
A poet should never mourn over the loss OF
a kiss when there is go much OF the raw ma
terial lying around loose
There is no tlsh In the world that will In
crease In weight like trout. after Y has been
pulled from the water Whitehall Times.
A gentleman refusing al offer q marriage
during leap Year ls expected To present the
young lady who proposes with new dress.
The fact that most Of the streams and
pontla ri Florida abound In allgators makes
It uphill work for The Baptist Church IN that
state.
It takes ninety colonels 70 start 2 militia
company III Mississippi The second step ls
TO hold an election and reduce somebody to .
captaincy
Girls nov only one quarter as much about
counting az boya, because they have only one
year In four In which they are allowed to
practice.
An sdmirer Of the festive Bob has named
hls son 1ngersoll When that lad grows up
he'll be awfully embarrassed 10 fluid he has no
Christian name.
aWhat Woman Can Do" is the title of an
article In an exchange. but what we want to
knew la, what woman can't do when she
makes UP her mind.
More than thirty-three professional base
ball players In Philadelphia are. without en-
gageme,ts, Gall you this returning prosper
ity7 Oh, the Irony OF the world
An Ohio girl sued q man for breach OF
PROMISE aud proved him such mean seout-
tirel that the jury decided that che ought to
my him something for not marrying her.
III costs each sovereign about $500 a time to
congratulate the CIar on his escape. from
jeath. and the taxpayers are beginning To
demand that he let up on his assassination
| racket.
Al a printers festival lately the following
toast was offered "Woman-Hecond only tg
the nrpan In the dissemination of the news"
The ladies' are yet undecided whether to re-
gard this az compliment Or otherwise.
A Detroit girl thrashed two street loafers
who bothered her, and then went home and
saw mouse and jumped up on top OF a
bookcase and tainted away. Street loafers In
Detroit will hereafter carry mice In their
pockets to trot out for selfprotection.
Philadelphia clergymen complain that they
are not paid enough for performing the mar
rlage ceremony, They Ky wo, ,a Pre- probably be
business principles, allowing return OF goods
within thirty days II not proving to DO an
represented, and money refunded.
Woman read this A girl down In Massa-
oh,lsetts, who painted pottery. has become In
| sane. And In the horrible dreams and hideous
fancies that glare upon her darkened mind
che ima9ipes che sees all the things she has
painted. The medical men say there Ia no
hope for her. Hawkeye.
doctors declare says the Chicago Jour
nal that electric light will eventually de-
etroy the eyepght" When Edison heard the
remark he retired into his innermoHt labora-
! tory, and when he had shut and locked and
put d chain against the door, whispered to
| himself with q sardoDlC smile. first catch
your electric lieht."-tAlbany journal.
A bridgeport Yankee haa invented ma
chine to prevent marketmen from selling
stale eggs FOR fresh ItH SUCCESS Ia based upon
| thu fact that whenever hen lays she kicks
backward, when her foot will strike an cleo
trio disc. which causes a rubber stamp to
print the date on the newly.lald egg. This
| would have been n great consolation to the
| Count Johannes II he had lived to see It,
my children" began Mr.. Collyer as his
| family gathered around the breakfast table
at HIS residence. I'VE should remember rs we
| cit here surrounded by plenty that one hun
dred and two years ago to-day George Birth
ington was passing his washday-I mean
George Worthin9ton was washing his birth
day-of course, what / intend to say is,
Warge JOshington was boshlng his washday.''
Hang Ill" exclaimed Mr.. Blifklns excitedly,
II want you to understand that the immortal
father Of this country, Gorge doshlngton,
was starving ut Valley Forge"