The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-10-06
WIT IND WIsD0M.

A. II "a -
The youth Who permits i,,s sweetheart :,
rule BIN i \ miss guided young man.--som-
YzFslls ye4<.aal
We are told That the doctors are daily slls..
covering new diseases. Lets aboli.l, g,
profession B0&fon RosI
/ The AIaryland 6reesbaoke ~ h W. ,,ut NJ, ],
u. w. Onion for Congress Onion i j stropx
nomination. Hence these tears. Bosfos
Irunscri1t 8A&
I" Married. In Chilicothe. Sent. liz. Her.
bert L. Rollingstone aud Emma j. Moss."-
Thus does onefamilia. proverb receive u death
blow. : Nea0 Husen Register.
| Some wicked Yankee says be has invented
new telegraph. He proposes to place 4 line
OF women fifty steps apart, and commit this
news to the first as q profound secret.
I Never deSpise humble beginniags, for what
at sfirst youmight call an old stick 10 the mud
may m time grow to be beautiful willow
tree, shading the brook. IN. o. Plcoyuns
Let us not be too harsh with the politicians.
IL it wasn't for politics many men who are to,
lazy to earn their living with their hands
would be paupers.-Pha. Chronicle Herald.
Little Paul brought bouquet to bis god
mother. And who gathered All Theses
oeaatifui roses2" she asked . Mamma
butt be added impressively, i" she cut them
with my knife.'
The establishments Of the lightning when
AJAX defied 10 was nothing as compared to the
feeling of the young man who makes his best
bow TO . bevy of young ladies and barsts =
suspender button in the act.
A girl just returned to Hannibal from a
Boston high school, said, upon seeing u FIRE
engine at work, "Who would evan have
dweamed such vswy diminutiye looking
apawatus would hold so much wattah!n,
1 Teacher with reading class Boy {fsadinQ).
y And as she sailed down the river---v Teach
er-"Why are ships called she 'gn Bow
i (precociously alive to the responsibilities OF
his SEX {" Because they need men to man
age them.'
By jocks" remarked the hard money
Democrat, rejoicing over that Greenback
vote In Maine tastes to me good deal like
eating crow. Please put little pepper sauces
on 10 TO conceal the flavor Burlington
HasOkeye.
Tourist" say, boy, what's the name of
that hill yonder?" Boy" Dunno" Tour
ist-" Don't know WHAT lived here all
your life and don I know The name OF it9p
Boy" No the Hill was here afore comed.',
London Fun.
lady, being asked her age, replied.
When 1 was married was eighteen and
my husband was thirty. His age has since
doubled, and so Of course has mine. That
makes me thjrty.six. And she was aston
ished at her own frankness.
Scepe--A court of law : trial for man..
slaughter is going on Pat In the witness
box. Counsel for the prisoner: q Did 20.
see the prisoner at the bar knock down tho
deceased y" Pat No, yer honor be
was alive when chin knocked down.
i The late Rev. Dr. Symington, not feeling
we'll one Sabbath morning, said TO his beadle,
who was a character q Man Robert, I wisl,
\ You would preach for me the day. 81 can
ma do that promptly replied Robert g but
often pray for you."
4 A Galveston schoolteacher had great diff
Guilty In making boy understand his lesson.
Finally, however, be succeeded, and drawing
a long breath, remarked to the boy, elf it
wasn't for me you'd be the biggest donkey ON
! Galveston Island. ~ GaIreston Nsws. dlsi
The late John Brougham once at a dinner
was seated next to Coroner Croker. A toast
was proposed and Brougbam asked the ovro--
ner what he would drink IL in. g Cjaret,"
| said the coroner. /" Claret 2 was ths reply,
that's no drink for coroner. There's no
body Ia that" s1s4 -, ;ss : I'll
\ DR.. Hastings, Of Boston. in speaking yf re-
ligious joy and Of singing as being the natural
expression of that joy, remarked that ssn,y
congregations had SO little Of it that they had
to hire people TO do their singing. why"
4 says he, ~ would as soon think of hiring u
man to eat my breakfast
I believe, after all" exclaimed Peter
john, impatieutly, that a man is never so
happy as when be is making fool of him
self.p ~ must needs respect Your superior
wisdom, replied Fred quickly. . And great
Scott how you must have enjoyed yourself
; tbrough life, Peterjohn ~ Bostoa Tan
!! script ala -
Some Of the wonderful drawings that have
recently appeared in one Of two of our lead
ing magazines are csiIed ART We used "
8 draw snch : masterpieces = when we went 10
J school, but die master always kept us in an
I hour for the offence. We don't believe now
be knew art when he saw IT, AorzistouisE
1 Herald.
| r----r7r-- -s<--~=e = sr--s~-
4 An admirable conjunction. is presented. =
Gen. Hancock enibnsing ossr Plaisted III
Maine, and carefully reading this third rssolu-
ton OF the Cincinnati platform. /" Honest
money /" for New York nat money 10 Maine.
!. ALI things 10 all men y ID the rnnffn The