Morning journal and courier., 1880-05-04

Chicago Journal.
 Jail birds are confined in guilt cagss.-Bos- ton Transcript
 ANevada Indian Is going through life with the beautiful name of Drifting Goose.
 To parties who are unable to express their feelings we would suggest the matter of sending them by freigh ght.-Keokuk Constitu- ton.
 Gladstone has already had several applica- tions from Ohio for positions in the Treasury department.-New York Commercial Adver- tiser.
 'iNew York bellies are now treated to dress openings by gas light" It is not new. If their dresses don't have openings how could they get in and out of them ?-Norristown Herald.
 Policemen should be examined as to their views on the Monroe doctrine. Some of them ara entirely willing to stand in a dark alley while two other powers are fighting. They believe in non-intervention.-N Orleans Picayune.
 We are indebted to 'tstaff correspondent for the following anecdote concerning the re- cont registration of fem ale voters in Boston. Its accuracy is vouched for by an eminent art ist-one of the m ost distinguished stone-cutters of the Hub. Enter old lady of certain age. 1T wish to register, sir" ''Your name, please ?" ''Almira Jane Simpson" Your aga ?" Beg pardon ''Your age ?" Dol understand that must give my age?" ''Yes, miss, the law requires it." ''WorIds, sir would not tempt me to give it Not that I care. No; I had as lief wear it on my bonnet, as a hack man does his number; but I'm a twin, and if my sister has weakness, it is that she dislikes any reference to her age; andI could not give my own because don't wish to offend her" -Harper's Drawer.
 ''Men die an ar known no moar," began the president, as stiffness reigned throughout kI,, hall, r oI-s IT,, OT.-l painful dooty to inform dis club dat de Hon. Oumback Slathers, an honorary member re- sidin' at South Bend, has passed ober de dark ribber. He has often visited dis club and worked on the twenty ninth degree wid us, an he was calcerlating to remove to dis city nex' month an enter upon vigorous ca reer of whitewashin'. Cumback Slathers was not great man. He wasn't man who would eber sa5e do kentry or ruin it. He neber sot in de Legislature an he was no orator. He had no horn to toot an no ax to grind. He was simply plain meu-one ob de millions ob | common pebbles on de shore ob times great ocean waitin' to be gathered. Outside ob a little circle ob friends no one will miss him. Some oder man will walk in de paths holiowed out bT his footsteps. Some oder pebble will be washed upon de shore to take the vacant place, an de big world will roll on jist de same as if sich man had neber moved among | AS 8 club do not believe in eulo- gies- Men am what dey am, an dyin' doan
 put angels wings on de shoulders of sin
 nsrs. Let me simply say of our dead an gone bruddsr dat he used men jist as men used him, which is principle dat knocks de gol- den rule sky high any day in de week. I l found him honest, truthful, charitable; and
 hs was a man who fully realized de fack, | when formin' an opinyun of oder men, dat while a ten fousan' dollar dtanon' kin be car | ried in de west pocket, it takes big vehicle | to tote along a score of empty barls worth | twenty cents apiece. Detroit Free Press. At beer festival lately tke following toast was offered: ''Woman-Sacond only to the press in the dssemina ton of news.' very good boy in Podunk Of cake stole awful big hunk; Gave Eome to his sister The parents soon missed har; She is now in her little earth bunk