The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-01-30
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World; A recent discovery Is tele.
phone 'a'keo to death by 4 barber.
Inc frp, 1t trees that we now see bare
are tno Same we saw bear so the past
sease. nj Yonkers Statesman.
"a man never realizes how frail he Is
until he bursts suspender button
among a group Of ladies and finds him
self slowly falling apart"
Ifan old hunter should see a modern
bello in ballroom costume, he would be
likely to shoot her by mistake, beIiev-
ing that she was little bear. Lowell
Sun.
HsMusie teacher to scholar--"You see
that note. Can you remember that?'
Scholar-"Yes'm. A whole note is o
note that has n hole in It."
A French journal calculates that there
are ga hundred thousand Maries in
Paris" In this case Paris must be like
the late Brigham Young-very much
married..
1t is very difficult to Hnd fault with 4
dear little threc-years-old who buries
his head under the clothes and sings:
"Now l lay me down to sleep. Pop
goes the weasel"
An English judge, learning that the
amount involved in case before him
was cightpcncc, handed that amount to
the plaintiff and saved the time and OK.
pensc of trial, not to mention his own
peace Of mind.
A correspondent wishes to know the
best way TO winter geraniums. The
best and cheapest way is to sling 'em
over the back fence and buy new lot
in the spring.
II Is said If You sit down when assail-
ed by ferocious dog, the beast will
not touch you. But the judicious man
will select as high seat as possible-at
the top of a tall tree for example.
The just published report of an Irish
benevolent society says: "Notwith-
standing the large amount paid for med
icine and medical attendance, very few
deaths occurred during the year."
A government official in Tuscany
once closed his report of q wreck upon
the coast with the touching words.
Notwithstanding all my efforts to as
sist them through my speaking trump
ct, tie people were all drowned"
Doy-"What are you crying for, Sal
| ly~ Girl-"Cos l got the tootbache. )"
Boy-"You go around to my grand.
mother; she'll show yer what to do ;
she knows how to take hers out and
put 'em back whenever she wants."
A little girl was reproved for playing
outdoors with boys, and informed that,
being seven years old, she was too big
for that now. "Why," said the little
innocent, "the bigger we grow, the
better we like them"
"Johnny," said fond mother to her
boy, wwhich would you rather do,
speak French or SpanishW
al would rather" said Johnny, rub
bling his wsistband, and looking ex-
Ipressively at the tablet would rather
eat Turkey"
| A paper is published at Ouray, COL,
called tho Solid Muldoon. This is the
way the editor speaks of his enterprise: :
"The Solid Muldoon is the boss. The
only fearless, wide-awake and red-hot
newspaper published in San Juan.
Democratic in politics, independent in
development, and no religious convic-
tions worth speaking of. She's dali
sy! 1t is published at $3.50 per year,
spot cash."
A gentleman" whose name the 10.
cal papers inconsiderately Withhold, was
recently summoned before the Birken.
head, Eng, police court for going to q
peace society meeting, where "he and
others created great uproar for &c
minutes, engaged in free fight, smash.
ed tables and chairs, threatened the
speakers, also assaulted two members
of the society and entirely suspended
the proceedings, tho ladies present be,
ing terrified"
Senator Booth, of California, is des-
cribed by a Washington lady CORES.
pendent rs such an unimpressible bach.
elor that "a sigh drawn fresh and pure
from the deepest and most capacious fe-
male bosom and applied to the right
place will have no more effect than q
liver pad administered for lockjaw
while glance from the most brilliant
eye falls like sunbeam on all alliga-
tors back" Somebody ought 10 send
him mustard plaster.