Connecticut western news., 1880-02-04
. WIT AND WISDOM.

O6p " AAAS Ns The man who hires the plumber always pays the piper. , eg The general app sarance of tipsy man is dizzy -pated. ... .-.-
 Wages-the sweet oil with which human machinery is greased. .5t.s There is but one easy thing to ber' row, and that we don't want-trouble.
 An exchange writes of 8 man "crowd- ing the lid off his liver by cramming."
 A school teacher thinks that pupils ought to have g good hearty laugh every day. ... ........ -...-
 A full beard is very handsome when 1t is not full of egg, cream, cheese and soup.
 Edison is not native of the United States. He was invented near Digby, Nova Scotia.
 | -"Six into four you can't" as the shoemaker mildly suggested to lady customer. eE
 What punctuation mark would be appropriately used with an order to re- plenish the firep Put: .--,-..., When cat gives an entertainment from the top of wall, it isn't the cat we object to; it's the wsuL
 -Laugh and grow fat-grow fat and be laughed at. It is Q poor rule that will not work in all directions. Fss In this happy country, says theBos ton Courier, there are but two things certain-death and an Indian war.sc
 -"Alcohol will clean silyet.' Yes, alcohol well stuck to, will clean all the silver you have-out of your pocket. | If you want eggs in winter never keep old hens. When 0 hen is three years old sell her for spring chicken. .-"s Yes," said Johnny, "Iaps.Is may be. the Latin for slip but when mother laps us it usually means the slipper"
 One of the Utes is so noted for cov- citing everything that he sees that he IS known at the agency as HankersChief.
 Money in your purse will credit you--wisdom in your head will adorn you-but both in your necessity will serve you. ...s=.,
 There was fair maiden iu Vassar, ''' Tn German no one could surpass her; .." She danced it so well tst | And talked it so i'll
 That the Faculty had to unclass her
 A young lady who was writing to Q confidential friend, stated that she was not engaged, but that she saw cloud above the horizon about as large as e mans hand. =.
 They call it romantic marriage in Michigan when couple of the nelgh- bors get the brides father into back room and sit on him to prevent his in- terrupting and breaking up the wedding
 A Californian's matrimonial adver- tisement winds up as follows: "For- tune no object, but should require the gals relations to deposit fifteen hun dred dollars with me as a security for her good behavior" ....,.,....,.s
 -"Pa, how long does the Legislature sitP" "Three or four months, my son." "What a set of geese they must be. Our geese sit only five weeks [" "It is getting late, my son; think you had better retire."
 A man passing through gate in the dark ran against post. "I wish that post was in the lower regions, was his angry remark. "Better wish it some where else" lid a bystander. "You might run against it again.
 -"Why, you'd better knock the door down. What do you want ?" "Och, my darling don't let ms wake any of your family. I'm just using your knocker to wake the people next door. I'm lock- ed out, dye see, and they've niver knocker." ..
 Some of the extreme swells are in- troducing the custom of giving costly jeweled articles as favors in the german. It is getting harder and harded for young man to keep his end up in society on $15 g. week. The outlook for tailors and landladies this year is bad. I | A small boy could not see why the "leaves" of tables, not resembling any leaves with which he was familiar, should be so called. At last he found it out. CT know," he cried. "They are called leaves because you leave them up or you can leave them down"
 An aged invalid required @ nurse. A friend knew of very excellent per son.. "How old is she? ?" inquired the invalid. "About eighteen; but she looks to be thirty" "She won't do," said the invalid CT prefer one that is thirty, who looks to be eighteen"
 From the birth column of the Chat- tanooga Times "Mrs. Sharpe, wife of the Rev. George Sharpe, gave birth to three children on the 11th. The neighbors say that Dr. Johnson per- mitted three or four to get away. But he insists that he caught all." .,.'s
 -"I say, Pat" said a philosopher, "can you be doing two things at'the same time ?" "Can't I2"g answered Pat; "I'l be doing that any day I" "Howp" asked the philosopher. '"why," answered Pat, "I1l be sleeping and draming too at the same time, don't you see? l Art received rather an awkward criticism from free-and-easy yonng man who recently met sculptor in . social circle, and addressed him thus: "Er-er-so you are the man--er-that 1nakes-er-mudh heads9" Aud this was the artists reply: "Er-er, not all of lem I didn't make yours" E