Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1880-08-19
rrIcks on an Amateur 1sartender.

The Hon. Hugh Carlin, Of Lyon county,
was IN Virginia City last week. He is
naturally good -natured and unsuspecting,
but, don't presume too far, or he will be
sure to drop on your little game. Some
time ago Hugh was in Eureka. Not hav-
ing anything to do when he first arrived in
town, he wore away good deal of time at
a saloon kept by an old acquaint nee,
whom he happened to find there.
One morning this friend had. some busi
ness out of town and got Hugh to take
charge OF the bar during his absence
Hugh laid aside his hat ard took up his
position. Some person who was in the
saloon when Hugh thus took command
went out among the boss jokers of the
town. In pursuance of plan agreed upon
the first customer that arrived said, as he
marched up to the bar, ''GOt any real first
rate whisky" .ieH.
''Have got any good whiskey Haven't
i? You don't find anything else passed
over this bar. Never was finer package
of whiskey lugged into Eureka than what
is on tap back in the store room!"
The man poured out big horn, took a
light swallow of it and began coughing
He coughed so hard That he was obliged TO
set down his glass. He then clapped both
hands on his stomach and coughed himself
all about the roonl-coughed his hat off
and coughed until he was almost black in
the face-coughed till the tears streamed
down his cheeks--till he seemed not TO
have breath left TO cough more, or to utter
a syllable, when he took his handkerchief
from his eyes, shook his fist at the astonish
ed deputy barkeerer and rushed out of the
saloon without a word, leaving his glass of
liquor standing on the counter.
Hugh was frightened and bewildered.
he took the whiskey bottle, held it up TO
the light and carefully examined it, fear
ing he had made some mistake. Finally,
to make sure, he tasted It. and found it to
be whisky, and pretty fair whisky,
too,
lie had but little more than recovered
his usual serenity Of mind when a gentle
man came in and said:-''Hav you got any
good brandy-real, genuine brandy-no
manufactured stuff go
"What do you take us for Z" cried Hugh
''There's not drop of doctored liquor of
any kind about this. establishment. No
such brandy as this was ever before brought
to Eureka. 1t cost $22 gallon in San
Francisco. It's like oil
The customer poured out q liberal al
lowance, but had no sooner attempted TO
swallow it than he began coughing and
spat out what he had taken into his mouth.
He held both hands to his cheeks and
whlrled around on one heel like a dancing
Dervish, then ran for the water pitcher
and finally began coughing as though he
would cough up his lungs.
'Ough, o-ough-hoohl houghi" coughed
he "Call that brandy ?" and, doubled up
like half open jack knife, he coughed
himself out of the saloon.
Again was Hugh astounded, and again
he critically inspected the liquor he had
dealt out. He was finally convinced that
it was all right, but that the fault was in
the people something wrong with them.
About the time that he had arrived at
this conclusion man came in, and spread
ing himself out before the bar to good ad-
vantage, said, Have you got good arti-
Gle of gin-real good, pure gin!"
''Of course we have-never keep any
thing else. What do you take us for?"
and Hugh reached down the gin bottle
from a shelf behind him with his left hand,
while with his right he brought up from
under the bar cooked revolver, which he
pointed at the head of the customer, as he
placed the bottle before him; saying,
Snow, you cough!"
That customer didn't cough