The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-12-02
Young People
MADE Up FROM THE BEST CLIPPING
Mr.. Smiths Boy.


Mr.. Browns boy, on Satu rday,
leaned over the fence aud gave 10
our reporter his impressions of
Mr.. Smiths boy, a lad about IA
years old.
Eyes, me and him are right well
acquainted now; he knows more'n
l do, and he's had more experience.
Bill says his father used to be a
robber (omith, by the way. Is q
deacon in the Presbyterian church,
and very excellent lawyer), and
that he had ten million dollars in
gold buried in his cellar, along with
a whole lot of human bones, people
he's killed. And he says his father
is conjurer, and that he makes all
the earthquakes that happen any
where in the world; the old man'll
come home at night, after there's
been an earthquake, all covered
with sweat, and so tired he kin
hardly stand. Bill says it's such
hard work.
"And Bill told me that once when
a man came round there trying to
sell lightning-rods, his father got
mad and ct him right up, and he
takes bites out of everybody he
comes across. That's what Bill
tells me; that's all l know about it.
And he told me that once he used
to have a dog, one OF those little
kind of dogs, and he was flying ais
kite, and, just for fun, he tied the
kite string onto his dogs tail.
And then the wind struck her, and
his dog went boomin down the
street, with his hind legs in the air,
for about mile, when the kite of a
sudden began to go up, and in
about minute the dog was fifteen
miles high, and commanding a
view of California ana Egypt, and
Oshkosh, 1 think Bill ,said. He
came down anyhow, l know, in
Brazil, and Bill said be swum home
all the way in the Atlantic ocean,
and when he landed his legs were
ali nibbled off by sharks.
81 wish fathcr'd buy me q dog,
SOS / could send him up that way;
but l never have no luck. Bill
said that where they used to live,
he went out on the roof one day to
fly his kite, and he sat on top of the
chimbley to give her plenty of room,
and, while he was sitting there,
thinking about nothing, the old
man put keg of powder down be
low on the fire place, to clean the
SCOT out of the chimbley; and when
be touched her of, Bill was blowed
over agin the Baptist church steeple,
and he landed on the weather cock,
with his pants torn. and they
couldn't get him down for three
days; so he hung there; going
round and round with the wind,
and he lived by eating the crows
that came and lit on him, because
they thought he was sheet iron,
and put up there on purpose.
He's had more fun than enough.
He was telling me, the other day,
about a sausage suffer his brother
invented. 1t was a kind of ma
chine that works with a treadle;
and Bill said that the way they did
in the fall was to fix it on the hogs
back, and connect the trade with a
string, and the hog works the
treadle, and keeps on running it up
and down, until the machine cut
the hog all up fine, and showed the
meat into the skins. Bill said his
brother called it Every hog Its own
suffer- and it worked splendid,
But do no; pears to mes there
couldn't be no machine like that.
But, anyway. Bill said so.
And he told me about an uncle
of his out in Australia, who was ct
by big oyster once, and when be
got inside he stayed there until
he'd ct the oyster. Then he split
the shells open, and took one for a
boat. and he sailed along until he
met sea serpent. and he killed it,
and drawed off it's skin, and when
he got home he sold it to an engine
company for a hose, for forty thou
sand dollars, to put out fires with.
Bill said that was actually so, be-
cause he could show me man who
used to belong to the engine com
pany. / wish father'd let me go
out to find sea-serpent like that;
but he don't let me have no chance
to distinguish myself.
Bill was saying only yesterday
that the Indians caught him once,
and drove eleven railraod spikes |
through his stomach, and cut off
his scalp. and never hurt him bit.
He said he got away by the daugh-
ter of chief shaking him out of !
the wigwam, and lending him a
horse. Bill says she was in love
with him, and when 1 asked him to
let me see the holes where they |
drove in those spikes, he said
be darsn't take off his clothes,
or he'd bleed to death. He said
his own father didn't know it, be
cause Bill was afraid it might wor-
ry the old man.
And Bill told me they wasn't go
ing to get him to go to Sunday
school. He says his father has
BRASS idol that he keeps in the gar
ret, and Bill says he's made up his
mind to be pagan, and begin to go
naked, and carry tomahawk, and a
bow and arrow, as soon az warm
weather comes. And to prove it
TO me, he says his father has the
town all underlaid with nitro-gly-
cerine, and, as soon as he gets
ready, he's going to blow the old
thing out, and bust her up-let her
rip, and demolish her. He said
so down at the dam, and told me
not to tell anybody, but | thought
they'd be no harm in mentioning it
10 you.
"And now / believe 1 must be GO
ing, 1 hear Bill whistling. May
be he's got something else to tell |
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