The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-03-03


and one lady frequently said to another,
"Her ballot is old fashioned and
doesn't look fit to be seen." This will
not do.
The Gear of Russia receives So, $780,
900 per year, or S25,O 600 per day; the
Sultan of Turkey Sc 100000 per year,
or $4,000 per day; Emperor Frances
Joseph of Austria, $4,0J0,O 900, or $lO,'
900 per day; King William of Prussia,
So, 900 900 per year, and the King OF
Italy, 50, 200, 900 per year.
COUNTRY Practitioner (surprised at
the visit of a notorious quack and
pilI-vender)- =" Well, what brings you
hereP' Quack (evidentiy suffering from
disturbed peristaltic actiOn)-" Well, sir,
the fact is feel rather queer, and"
Country practitioner-"T Then why don't
you take one of your pearls of
health?" Quack-" That's just it, sir
| think I've swallowed one-by mis-
take"
The velocity of a falling body may be
Is feet the first second, 48 the next, and
thence vary inversely as the square of
the distance by twice t. e product of the
first by the second and so on by pro-
gressiOn ad infnitum but calculations
of velocity momentum and prOjectile
force are utterly lost on man when he
hits the wrong end of stick of kindling
wood, and it fOps up and knocks the
skin off his nose in four places.
A TENNESSEE pie-eater has reformed,
and will hencefOrth eat pies no more.
He was employed by bakery firm, and
they, missing various pies, baked some
with croton oil. The dishonest pie
eater got sick, and, thinking he was
booked for the region whence no bone
of any traveller returns, confessed steal
ing the pies, and learned what had been
put in them. He was so mad that he
got we'll and had his employers arrested
for attempting to poison him.
A YOUNG man from the country
passing McLeod's tobacco store in ST.
John, saw a FIVE cent piece on the side.
walk and Immediately put his foot on it
until he could pick it up undiscovered,
and you can bet that rustic youth ex.
hausted his vocabulary of cuss words
when he found it wa only tin tobacco
stamp. And thus through life do we
chase phantom shadows and think them
real.
"MY DEAR" she said, as they sat at
breakfast, " who is Hilo PedrOw When
he asked an explanation, and she told
him that he had talked in his sleep so
much about him, he tried to swallow
some imaginary object in his throat and
murmured something about reading
Brazilian history, and being deeply in
terested in the Emperor, whose name is
HilO Pedro, and, bless her soul, she be-
lieved.
THERE is a remarkable well in the
town of Thurman, situated along what
is known as the "River Road" The
we'll is about 81 feet in diameter at the
top, and its depth has never been ascer-
tanned. 1t has been sounded 555 feet
without reaching the bottom. The
water is clear and cold, and the well is
always full. 1t was first discovered
about ninety years ago, and its sides
were then walled up with stones, as
they appear at the present time
GLenn's Falls Republican.
WHEN a man calls his wife's maid
" an angel" it's time for the wife to
make her fly.
"PA," said little boy, ga horse is
worth a great deal more, isn't it, after
it's brokeY' eyes, my son. Why do
you ask such a question % Because l
broke the new rocking-horse you gave
me this morning"
LADIES who have difficulty in making |
their hair remain crimped may find the
of use: Let five cents worth
Of gum arabic be dissolved in a very
little hot water and left to stand over
night in enough alcohol to make it thin;
then bottle. The hair should be wet
with the mixture before being crimped.
SHoEMAKER's wax has been used
with success in Glasgow to illustrate
to the students of natural philosophy,
in model, the flow of glaciers. 1t is
wonderful how closely the flow of this
wax resembles that of ice. Sir w,
Thomson has also employed this sort of
wax to show the motion of Lighter
bodies, like cork, and heavier bodies,
like bullets. through Vicious substance.
WHEN the crescent of the young
moon rests supinely, its horns in air,
it is a sign of dry weather, because in
this position it holds all the water, thus
its fall to the earth. This is
also a sign of wet weather, the explana-
ton in this case being that a waterful
moon is emblematic of water soaked
earth. Don't forget this sign of the
new moon. 1t is rarely Yeu will find
one so impartially accommodating.
GENERAL REUBEN was seated on a
with his feet on a
coupIe of sugar hogsheads, and had Just
given an account of how he frOze them
sliding down hill in the winter of '75.
There was silence for few minutes, in
terrupted by an interrogation by Mozart
Dafadil: "Do you mean, General, to
have our understanding comprehend dat
Won froze boff of dem feet in one win
tArT' "Boff," replied the General, cut
ting off q piece of tobacco about the
size of a COv harlmonica. After another
reign of silence the General demanded,
/" Do YOU doubt that statement, sahP
"No," replied Mozart, "I was only
thinking what long, hard winter it
must have been"
In Bavaria, 1912 out of every 100
births are illegitimate children; in Aus
tria, u. O3; in Denmark, 1890; in
Scotland, 887; in Germany, 8.75; in
France 7.21; in Italy, 7.07 in England,
sill; in Roumsnia, 3.43; in Ireland,
236; in Greece, LAB. The excess in
Bavaria and Austria is due to laws pro-
hibiting marriage except to those with
q certain income.
A CERTAIN young man brought his
affianced down from the country to see
the sights. One day, while they were
passing a confectioner's, the swain
noticed in the window placard bearing
the announcement, 1ce-cream-one
dollar per gal" "Well," said the