The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-07-23
WAITS AND WHIMS.
\ WORD with business men-settle

A WORD with business men-settle.
IRON affected by fog is mist rusted.
A MULE is tame enough in front, but
awfully wild behind.
A LITTLE cider now and then Is re-
lished by the best of men.
The man who can't remember that he
was ever boy is entirely ripe for the
harvest.
STARCH is said to be explosive. 1t
causes explosion in the family when the
old man finds it has been left out OF his
collars.
A BosToN paper says the conductor of
a street-car in that city took 900 fares
last Sunday, but is entirely silent as to
how many the company got.
The Crown Prince of Germany gets
more putting over giving 50 fiddle to q
blind boy than an American does over
leaving $40, 600 to an orphan asylum.
THERE is fortune in store for the mil
liner who shall devise bonnet that can
be worn in any part of a church and al
ways present its trimmed side to the con-
gregation.
A POULTRY authority says that " chick
ems should have an ample range" 1t
A little chicken will broil pretty well
over very small stove.
MANY persons who rake through an
others character with tine-tooth comb,
to discover fault, could find one with
less trouble by going over their own
character with horse-rake.
IT costs more than hundred millions
Of dollars annually to keep the fences OF
this country In repair. Now, gentlemen,
get off the fence and stay off till after
election, and save your country few
millions of this outlay.
GRowN-UP sister-"Oh, Charley, if
you must go away, can't you introduce
me to one of your school-fellows, to look
after me till you come back?" Charley
"Oh, no, it wouldn't do! 1t would be
too rough on fellow to fag him out like
that. Punch.
SOMEBODY who appears to know how
fashionable schools are managed, says:
"To educate young ladies is to let them
know all about the ogies, omenies, the
ifics, the tics and the mistics; but nothing
about the ings, such as sewing, darning,
washing baking and making pudding"
81 SAY, mister, this is double seat
and you can't lay over it in that way,
said a stand-up passenger Ill IL crowded
car to another passenger who was making
himself too much at home. "Can't lay
over the seat?" echoed the loafer. "Bet
your life L can. See here, / have a lay
over check from the conductor, and it is
good.
A YOUNG lady received the following
note, accompanied by bouquet of
flowers Dear -, send you hi the
boy bucket of flours. This is like my
love for II. The mite shade menes kepe
dark. The dog fenil menes L am your
slave. Rosis red and posts pail, my love
for you shall never fale."
THE flowing reporter who wrote, with
reference to well-known belle, "Her
dainty feet were encased in shoes that
might be taken for fairy boots" tied his
wardrobe up in handkerchief and left
for parts unknown when it appeared the
next morning: "Her dirty feet feet were
encased in shoes that might be taken for
ferry boats"
A YOU'VE lady who is studying French
lately wrote to her parents that she was
invited to n dejemer the day before, and
was going to a Jete champctre the next
day. The professor of the college was
surprised to receive a dispatch from the
cold man" day or two after saying:
eff you don't keep my daughter away
from these menageries and side shows, L
will come down and see what ais her.
IT is amusing to watch slim man
weigh himself. He steps on to the plat
form MS an elephant steps upon bridge,
with an awful fear of breaking the thing
down, and then puts the three-hundred-
pound weight on the end of the beam.
Of course he takes it off again, but he
does this unostentatiously. Having found
that he weighs, say, one hundred and
twenty, if you watch him carefully you
will see him slide the weight along to
one hundred and seventy-fve. "By
George!" he will exclaim as he goes out,
i've lost ten pounds since last week."
He doesn't say how much he weighs
now; if you wish to know, there is the