Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-03-26
Detroit Currency.

OCtIOtt OuCTcuCys
Illinois expects to make beet.sugar
for the world.
A good place for bucket shop-Next
door to cooper and staye yard.
A Yankee railroad man has gone to
England to show EN- how We check
baggage.
A Connecticut man has cured bad
case of liver complaint by drinking
sour cider after heating it up.
In this country a mean man has only
to die to have everybody praise him
and neglect the good who live on.
When eggs drop from thirty cents to
eighteen cents per dozen in two days
it's pretty sure sign there's hen on.
1t has come to be generally believed
that one can get more for his money
out OF the telephone than anything else
which runs by lightning.
The first candidate who "puts him
self into the hands of his friends" this
year should be carried to the bridge
and dumped off into the river.
1t is said that no fat men ever COM
NIT murder. If they ever commit crime
it is nothing above stealing barrel of
pork to present to some orphan asylum.
The Dental Cosmos says that the
wooden toothpicks now SO generally
used are an injury to the teeth and
should not be allowed place in mar
ket.
The title of american Railroad
King" wasn't selected for any one
mans benefit. 1t is open to competi-
ton, and the sharpest head takes the
title.
A boy recently hanged himself because
somebody found fault with him."
That boy was certainly not born to be
country editor. - Turner Falls Re.
porter.
The New York Commercial Advertiser
has discovered that pretty women take
to homely men. We don't believe it,
because he is 10 years old and not mar
ried yet.
jamestown, Va, claims to be the old
est postotlice in America, and it never
had p. NJ. who sassed back when q
woman knew that there was a letter
there for her.
St. Louis has discovered that no
grocery in that city can more than pay
running expenses unless it has saloon
at the rear end. A soda fountain in the
front end has no effect to draw trade.
A boy who won't take as big bite as
he can from another boys apple is dis
guising his real feelings and should be
narrowly watched, lest he make sud-
den grab and run off with the whole.
The Irish people can't eat the
speeches made in this country over
their woes, nor yet make soup of the
resolutions passed at mass meetings.
What they want is pork and potatoes.
The Hotten.ots have no regular doc
tors. When man falls sick they
make him drink all the cold water he
can, followed by all the hot water he
Providence.
Said a parent to his little son who
had committed some act of indiscretion:
do you know that am going to whip
you?" Yes" SAID the boy, sup
pose you are, because you are bigger
than am."- Boston Punch.
Pennsylvania has discovered within
her borders justice of the peace who
has held office for tifty-two consecutive
years, and yet he speaks Of arranged "
Tor " arraigned and sets trials for Sun
days and the 3Oth of February.
Car-wheels, pals, wash-bowls and
even bricks are now made of paper.
Now why don't some one 60 to work
and make leather out of boarding house
pie crust? 1t wouldn't require parti-
Gle of tanning Wheeling Leader.
The island of Cuba tipped up as
General Grant stepped ashore, and
shook from one end to the other. Grant
turned to Sheridan with a grim smile
and remarked, We have got among
the Quakers again" - Philadelphia
Bulletin.