The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-01-31
WIT AND WISDOM.
Sweet put, eight o's: 100000

Life being short, and the quiet
hours Of 1t few, we ought to waste
none OF them in reading valueless
books; and valuable books should in
a civilized country be within the
reach Of every one. it Xxx. Fi,
First Boy-"Where yer bin, Biily7"
Second Boy--"Bin fshin'." 8 .e44
First Boy-"Ketch anythin'T with
an anxious expression on his face.
Far.seeing Second Boy--No; hut
! expect ter when git in the house.
Student reading Virgil l-.yarium
ct mntabilc semper femina" as7g4a}a.
Protessor--Translatea it, II you
please, sir. saeash} aio sro iHHB u
Student (promptly)--va and q
changeableness are always femin-
inc. fs ta8 iaea ~.
Two Irishmen were working on 4
scaffold. Mike lost his footing and
fell. Pat, hurrying down to see II
his comrads was injured, exclaimed:
mike, are you hurtY'
mo" was the reply, II am mot
hurt, but I'm spachcless." e q 'taidW e
An emigrant hearing the sunset
gun at New York, asked a sailor: =
"What Is thatp" a' ~
"Why, that's sunset was the rc-
ply. = ~ k 3@
"SunsetY' said Pat, "and does the
sun go down In this country with
such a bang as thatY' ~ WE
I'VE wish," says a Texas newspa-
per, "that a few of our citizens would
be permitted to live till they die q
natural death, so ~ to show tho
world what magnificently healthy
country Texas reall ~ is"
Some men never can take . joke.
There was an old doctor who, when
asked "What is good for mosquitoesY'
wrote back How do you suppose !
can tell unless know what ails the
mosquit0Y" gaa dfig |s Isl n
scene-Goid, Hill public school.
Object lessons in the primary class.
Subject. Grammar"
Teacher-"Form II sentence with
the word deaf In II"
First Pupil---"A deaf man cannot
hear"
Teacher--"Correct. Next, form a
sentence with tho word 'blind' in q
it," y,sr.a.
Second Pnpil---"Pull down the
blind" Sensation in school. ...,,...-
The druggists song Lea light In .
the window for thee 'sto a3H 7fA
1t is habit which gives men tho
real possession of the wisdom which e
they have acquired, and gives endar-iB
ing strength in it.G msAl st8ol sgftr
"a Wisconsin man has expecto-
rated an umbrellas tip he swallowed
in 1S74,"--or so an exchange tells
US. This proves conclusively that
even swallowing an umbrella won't
keep it in the family. s4snfe,l I.
An urchin, who begged penny Of
an old topper in vain, rewarded him
with this advice: "Don't you carry
that nose OF your'n hear to no pow
der fac'try, or they might play the
hose on to yer"
"Pay as you go,"is good motto.
but the theatres make you pay as
you co"e ~. 9I4i 9ln8o3 sI0igeV
The French horn---A glass Of ab.
sinths. f'1 9.iAe r5m sn.A,il gaiioo
| II 4l
Women are archers by nature.
Their inclinations are to bend the
beauxs lqyI1 sJg3m d0iJa9g 400 odt
The high price Of cloth may affect
the batting of the base ball clubs
next season.
DR.. Holland says . mans charac-
ter may be judged by his crayat.
If he wears no cravst we suppose he
hasn't any. siil llsi ieal bsdsiidgi
The common picture Of St George
on horseback, trying to ram stomach
bitters down the throat of q dragon,
is one full Of historical beauty, geg
A Vermont pet lamb swallowed
several balls of yarn, and it was not
long before his life became such
tangled skein that he could not un
ravel it, and had to give it up and
shuttle off the, mortal coil. st.Aa
9visitora-"Ahi how have you been
all this time?"e .seaff 10 haaea ssi1
"well, not quite SO we'll latelyyaiI
fancy somehow I've got! q touch Of
the gout." ~ saaii e 1sa9etni sdi
| visitorAFancy, my boys' iaH'm!
II you had L touch Of the govt you
wouldn't fancy; you'd know. "eo-9il
| A certain Frenehman WAS once,
oddly enough, evsrtAken BY brain
fever His friends feared to break
the news to his beloved parents,eo' To
their astonish hsnt, however, the par
ents, when informed, set up, not =
dirge, but pecan. The young Eel
lows friends were amazed, but the
secret leaked out. This Was the first
evidence that their son had Any
brainsi III ralgsd Is ssiie.st
If you let a man : loan he will let
YOU alone for long time.