Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-12-03
ODDS AND ENDS.

now allow contributors to the waste.
baskets to write on both sides of the sheet.
The bee can deliver stinging retort and
yet keep its mouth shut. This is where it
has the advantage OF the campaign orator.
Professor Proctor will return from Aus
tralia via America, and we hope that the
stars in this vicinity will be on their good
behavior.
"Never borrow trouble, said husband
to his wife. "Oh, let her borrow it if she
can" exclaimed the next-door neighbor.
"she never returns anything, you know.
The late William B. Spooner, OF Boston,
bequeathed $40, 600 to the Divinity School
connected with Harvard University, and
S., 900 to the Theological School at Mead
vile, Pa.
"Kings l Have Met is the title of
Archibald Forbes lecture. Some day Mr..
Forbes will come across three kings and
pair OF sevens. Then he will learn some
thing about the really great resources OF
this country.
ga young man of Waterbury, Conn,
while under the influence of laughing gas
in dentists office, pushed his feet through
a window, but never felt the pane.
Please send 81 for this by return mail. -
rs. j. Tlden.
The Cincinnati Gas-ste contains poem
addressed to lump of coal 1t is not
every newspaper man that can keep the
fire going and still have chunk of anthra-
cite to write poetry at /; but the fairies
have always been good to Deacon Smith.
A Galveston school-teacher had a great
deal of trouble making boy understand
his lesson. Finally, however, he succeed
ed, and drawing long breath, remarked
to the boy If it wasn't for me you would
be the biggest donkey ON Galveston
Island
Toddlekins is very small man, indeed,
but ne said he never minded it at all until
his three boys grew up to be tall, strap.
ping young fellows, and his wife began to
cut down their old clothes and cut them
over to tit him and then he said he did
get mad.
To row or not to row /; that is the ques-
tion. Whether It's nobler in the mind to
suffer the sings and arrows OF outrageous
fortune, or to take the oars against the sea
of papers and, by rowing paralyze them.
Courtney in his great soliloquy.- Burling-
ton Hawkeye.
That was very pointed and possibly
very wholesome bit of sarcasm when gen
tleman turned on coxcomb, who had been
making himself offensive, and said Sir,
you ought to be the happiest man in the
world you are in love with yourself, and
you have no rival.
1t was correspondent of the New York
Tribune that telegraphed to his paper in
all its thrilling details the fact that General
Garfeld's house at Mentor was about to
receive coat of drab. colored paint The
Cornell School of journalism is certainly
great success-in diplomas.
"Do you want to kill the child p ex-
claimed a gentleman as he saw boy tip
the baby out of its carriage On the walk.
No, not quite, replied the boy s'but if
l can get him to bawl loud enough, mother
will take care of him while | go and wade
in the ditch with Johnny Bracer ~
P. T. Barnum received letter from a
man who said he had made bet that he
(P. T. was not brother of w. H. Barnum,
to which the Snowman replied that he
thanked Heaven that there was no nearer
relationship than that of Adam. The other
Mr.. Barnum is yet to be heard from.
An English correspondent of Harper
sends the following: ''0ur minister, the
Rev. Mr.. s., was preaching kind of fare
well sermon before leaving town for few
weeks holiday. You may imagine our feel
ings when he said, in finishing up, l leave
you my blessing, brethren, and may the
Lord be with you until return ?"
A remarkable divorce suit is now in
progress in one of the Chicago Courts.
Rebecca kalen, a girl of II, seeks di.
vorce from Judel Kalen, her husband, who
is also her uncle, on the ground that she
was forced by her father to marry the old
man. The father even went to the extent
of performing the marriage ceremony.
Mr.. Labouchere announces that gillie
ball appears to be the latest fashionable
craze in England, but is at loss to see
why any particular pleasure should be de-
rived from seeing number of bare-legged,
awkward Presbyterians heavily skipping
about, swapping their fingers and OCCASION
ally indulging in a sort of at.call, at other
times in whisky.
Richard Grant White has startled the
town by saying that society in New York
is no longer controlling and refining
influence" And lady of one of the
oldest and best families declares in the
New York Times that there is no such
thing as society in New York, properly
so.called. Gracious what is this world
coming to, anyhow:
"What shall we do with the Indians:" +"
asks Secretary Schurz. Do with them
Why, man, make telegraph poles of them,
grind them up for mince pies, make light
houses of them, Carley = anything you
please, in fact. But the Indians have a
way of sitting up all night, and scalping
the army, and such like so you needn't
worry. 1t isn't likely that any will be
captured for some years. New York Ex-
press.
During the last session of the Court at
-, Wisconsin, Lawyer Blank had been
trying for two long hours to impress upon
the minds of the jury the facts of the case.
Hearing the dinner.bell he turned to the
Judge and said Had we better adjourn
for dinner or shall 1 keep right onO'
Weary and disgusted, his Honor replied
"Oh, you keep right on, keep right on,
and we will go to dinner. y Harper's Edi-
tors Drawer.
An anecdote is told by Harper's Editors
Drawer of the late Father Taylor, of the
Boston Seamen's Bethel. A prayer-meet.
ing had been prolonged one evening be-
yond the usual hour of closing, and he had
been pretty we'll warmed up. just then
few restless spirits in the rear of the
audience took occasion to leave. The old
man rose, and swinging his arm in his
peculiar way, shouted out, "That's right,
brethren /; the tides rising, the driftwood
is beginning to float +"
There was an incident of the Dow trial
at Bolton that most unaccountably escaped
the attention of the local press, and yet it
is entirely too good to be lost to the pub
lie. When one of the female witnesse,
was asked by a prosecuting lawyer of a
well known convivial turn of mind if she
believed in the Bible, she replied emphat-
ically that she did. "Do you believe,
then, that wives should be obedient to
their husbands?" asked the lawyer She
snapped her eyes and responded "Not
when their husbands come home drunk,
like you do" You could have heard
paper of pins fall for ten minutes after
ward. Galveston Naws.
How Happiness Is Secured.
Happiness is the absence of pain or annoy
ance, aud wherever there is pain there is dis
| ease. A pain in the lower portion OF tie body
| indicates disorder of some kind. If there is
any odor or color or deposit in the urine it