Richland beacon., 1880-03-13
NUMBER II.
PASSING SMILES.

SUNDAY school Annie, what
must one do to be forgiven?' Annie
"He must sin."
ALL the world may die, the hard
hearted Dutchman sheds not tear over
his beer.
IT would be easy to learn foreign
language if, az the 1rishman said, lit
oouid only be spoke in English"
KLEPrOMANIA is getting to be very
! common disease amo lg the upper classes,
SO likewise is Embellishments.
THERE is not half the satisfaction in
reading borrowed paper that there is in
perusing your own. Try it, borrowers.
"MARRIED life," moralizes an author,
ais not all made up of sunshine and
peace" We should Judge not. Espec-
tally when its twins.
In old times it was the custom to ex-
claim to bores and such people: "Go
to-" The same expression, with addi-
tions, is used to-day.
SOMEBODY has started the story that
when young boarding-school miss was
informed there were no gOoseberries for
sauce, she wanted to know what had
happened to the goose.
a LITTLE boy watched his father ad-
Just billiard table with spirit level.
After the old man had finished the job
he remarked: "Now, pa, see if my head
is level"
IT is said that Victor Hugo kisses the
ladies at meeting and parting. That's
all right at parting, but kissing them at
meeting is a new dodge in the way Of
getting up a religious revival.
SCHOOL.MIsIREss Gust beginning =
nice improving lesson upon minerals to
the juniors)-" Now, what are the prin-
cipal things we get out of the earthT'
Youthful angler, aged four (confden-
tially)-"Worms"
LYING isa sin destructive to society
SAYS a noted writer. When a fellow
has a willing wife and wet kindling
wood, tho chances are that he's going
to lie every morning and society can
suffer the consequences.
The sale of the paintings and sketche
of the late Mr.. Hunt, in Boston, brought
his family the snug sum of $63,8S7.
American art is not wholly neglected by
Americans.
The Texas style of popping the ques.
ton: "I'se gret mind to bite yOu."
"What have you great mind to bite
me for?' "Kase you won't have me-"
"Kase you amt axed me" Well. now
ak YOU" "Then, now | has you"
THE best poet for the head-Hood.-
Little's Liring Age. The best written for
the stomach-Bacon and Lamb. We
hope this thing will stop right here. y
Scientific american. No! no! Let's
have Moore. The scandalmonger's poet
-Sully.-Public Opinion.
THE King of the Belgians has confer
red the Leopold Cross on Rosa Bonheur,
artist. She is the first lady receiving
the distinction. The King of Spain
also conferred on this distinguished
painter an equally high order, never
before granted to lady.
, IT ia no wonder the Binghamton
people drink 80 much whisky. Accord
ing to the Leader the following list of
articles have been found in their drink
ing water: "Nitzchia curvula, cymatop-
, leura elliptica, staurOneis, punctata,
pleurosigma spencerii and rhizosolenia
,, eriensis."
WHEN the enterprising swindlcr isn't swindline,
isn't swindling-
When the sinner isn't occupied in sin,
lie loves to watch the big bank asset, dwindling,
as IT'S dwindling-,
I And calculate the sum that he Is "in,'
he is sin"
. "MA," said a little girl, 81 think
t Aunt Rose is getting to be an old maid" |"
!. "Why?" asked the mother. Because
Q she is all tnc time finding fault with her
t looking glass, and begins to drink her
q tea without sugar, and won't tell her
e age, ard" But the mother pretended
!, she had to look after affairs in the
=; kitchen, and didn't stay to hear the rest
e of the "symptoms."
!, IL WISH you would keep your mouth
g shutr' exclaimed Hollemout, the
dentist, suddenly losing patience with
his patients prediction to talking
8 "All right" said the latter, suiting the
action to the word. And then HOlle.
: mout asked him if he would be 40 kind
!. as to open it again long enough for him
a Hollemout) to get his finger out. You
It never do know how to please some men
He stood with his ear to the telephone
y At time when he hadn't Oughter,
And caught the words in a distant room
:, OF his only child-a daughter.
The sounds he heard to his heart sharp went
~ Like the stroke Of a reaIer's sickle.
4 900, Oo good gracious Neddfe, dear,
y How ysur mustache does tickle"
- Then the father, he
D Went quite crazee,
v And bare his bosom throwing;
r He stabbed himself with telephone wire
IL And get his lfc-blood flowing.
{! "COME to this bosom my onliest only
DEAR" he gently murmured. And wheI
she spit on her hands and made a run
- ming jump for him, remarking in he
: fight You may just bet your swee
i life I'm thar, old hOss," he concluded il
n must be the new hired girl, instead o
:, mis- Clarissa Maria whom he had met il
:, the dimly lighted hall. and he hastily
. got behind the sofa till the storm blew
:. over.
!. "No, no, no! Tommy, that isn't tn
4, It way to do it poetry is written BY tn
=. feet" said en- exasperated father to hi
q six-year-old son who was trying to writ
TO- a parody ON 6 Pussy Cats" "Writtel
y by the ieet2' Yes, certainly:
3 "WelI, by gollyw exclaimed the littl
., fellow, as he swung his hands and gaze
- - at bis worthy sire's No. los. darned
" " | don't think you're right, old man, b