The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1880-11-17

SloW stronS again ana letter me more
hrmly. / was crying to myself in nv
heart; Lo; now, now, let the thing be
done. Now it seemed 1 was advancing
from the word to the resolve: Now al
most did it And yet, 1 did not do it,
Still did not slide back to my old stand
but stopped not far off from it and took
my breath. And again 1 strove Ito come
to the resolve for Christi and was lit
tie farther from it; and now it lacked but
a little that | should reach and grasp it:
yet L was not up to it, and did not reach
and grasp it; hesitating to die unto (spir-
ltual death and live unto (spiritual) life
and the old evil that was bred in me was
stronger in me than the better principle
that was unwonted to me: and the point
OF time when l was to become another
being struck me with the greater terror,
the nearer it came. But it did not strike
me back, nor divert me only it retarded
me. Those vanities of vanities and trifes
of trifes, my old darling-sins, were hold
ing me back, and plucking the raiment
of my carnal mind, and murmuring
Will you dismiss us? And from this
moment we shall never be with you to all
eternity? And from this moment YOU
shall never have leave to do this or that
any more forever? And my God what
did not these lusts suggest, under that
class which I named as this or that p
May thy mercy turn them from the soul
of thy servant What foul thoughts did
my lusts suggest, what shameful ones
And l heard them now much less than
half as loud, not like voices openly con-
tradlcting one who meets them in front,
but. as 1t were, mumbling behind me,
turtlvely teasing me as l receded, and
persuadlng me to look back Still they
retarded me while I hesitated to cast
them away and rush from them whittier
God was calling me, while my obstinate
habits (of SIM said to me: Think you,
you can do without these darling indul-
genoes? But now they were saying so
very languidly. For, from the other
quarter, whittier 1 had turned my face
(while shuddered to flee thither) there
was opening upon me the pure and dig
nltied vlsage Of CONTINGENCY, serene and
chastely cheerful, honorably alluring me
to come and doubt no more; extending
to embrace and sustain me, her pious
hands filled with good examples. There
were so many youths and maidens, there
was a crowd of the young, and grave
widows, and venerable virgins, and in all
them, that very purity which is most
truly fruitful, the fruitful parent of a
progeny of joys from the Lord their
spouse. She smiled on me with an ami
mating face, as though to say: Canst not
thou do what these youths and maidens
have done? But was it in themselves
that these were able? was it not rather
in the Lord their God? Their Lord and
God gave me to them. Wherefore dost
thou stand in myself, where thou canst
not stand e? Cast myself on Him, and
fear not. He will not deceive thee so
that thou shalt fall He will catch thee
as thou fallest on Him, and will heal
thee. Venture on Him with confidence:
He will catch thee and heal thee Still
| blushed to find that l was still listen
ing to the murmur of those follies, and
was still hanging irresolute And this
heavenly grace spoke again as it were:
Be thou deaf to those unholy members
of thine on earth: they tell thee of de-
lights; but not as does the law of thy
God and Lord. Such was the battle in
my heart, between me and myself"
L Frustrated myself under fg-tree,
| know not how, and gave reins to my
tears, so that the foods of my eyes burst
forth; thine acceptable offering, O Lord
And many things I said to thee, not in
these words; but in this meaning: And
Thou, Lord, how long? Wilt thou be
wroth, o Lord forever? Be not mindful
of my old sins. For l felt I was held
bound by them. uttered cries of woe.
How long? How long? I have been
saying, Tomorrow, and still, Tomorrow.
Why not NOW? Why not let this hour
be the end of my iuiquity2' I uttered
these words, and wept with the bitter
est contrition of heart"
AS the experienced reader may antici-
pate; when once grace had led his soul
to this crisis, his peace was near. The
narrative proceeds to relate how, in a
few moments, he rose from the earth,
with a heart calmly and joyfully sub
missive to his duty, and an humble trust
in enabling grace. He returned to the
friend whom he had left in amazement at
his anguish, and told him with cheerful
self-possession, that the contest was end
ed, and he was henceforth Christ's Nor
did his after life belle his hope. This
hour was the turning point between a