Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1880-07-08
Humorous.

| A Rocklsnd baseball nine is called
carpets because it is SO hard to beat.
I-Rocklaild Courier.
| The seventeenth letter of the al.
| phabet is followed by an actor, pre-
ceded by Chinaman, and goes be-
fore q billiard player.-Hackensack
Republicans
Fifty years ago mothers used to
enforce the youknit rule upon their
dsughters.and it worked vel. Gin
esnnati Saturday Night.
| "Ten dimes make ST." said the
schoolmsster. snow, 90 on, sir. Ten
dollars make one-what? ~ "Thes,
make one mighty glad these times,''
replied the boy; and the teacher.
who hadn't get his last months sala.
ry yet, concluded that the boy was
about right.
SIT this coffee is gotten up in
boarding house style again to. NOR
row, think l shall have good
grounds for q DIVORCE" said a cross
husband the other morning. 81 don't
want any of your saucer" retorted
his wife, "and what I've got is sedi.
ment. "-Kokomo Tribune.
School teacher, to little boy whose
father is a grocer: Snow, Johnny,
if your father has barrel of whisky
containing forty gallons, and one
fourth leaks out, how msny gallons
does he lose?" Johnny: "He don't
lose none. He fills it up again right
off.
lie was q stranger, but he entered
with an air of confidence and handed
us what is called "a joke We ex-
amined ii, and told himsthat it con-
sained METER sense or point. and that
it was apure piece OF idiocy. nv civ
he replied, reaching for his manu-
script, II have read your paragraphs
for some time, and | thought you
preferred them that wsy."-Norris.
toUa Herald.
A minister was questioning his
Sunday school concerning the story
OF Euty ohus-ihe young man who,
listening to the preaching of the
Apostle Paul, fell asleep, and falling
down, was taken up dead "What,"
he said, "do you learn from this SOL
emn event?" when the reply from a
little girl came pat and prompt,
"Please, sir, ministers should learn
not to preach too long sermons.
Whenever the sople of any local.
ity make up their minds to have a
Fourth of July celebration, they
always give out, with flourish of
trumpets, that the celebration is to
be an 'old-fashioned one When one
comes to think of it, an old fashioned
celebration could not have been
much of an attraction, for il general
ly consisted of firing an anvil, drink
ing hard cider, and eating ginger
bread.-Rome SentiRel
A day or two ago, as q bootblack
was passing a downtown bar-room
and fruit-store, be picked up the
stump OF a cigar from the gutter,
aud want INTO the store and asked
for match. He was mot with the
reply: owe don't keep matches to
give away" The boy started out,
but stopped at the door, and asked
The proprietor, DO you sell 'em2"
He purchased box, paid his two
cents and liz his stump, after which
he closed the box and asked the
proprietor to put i, on the shelf, and
next time gem'an asks you for
match, just give i'm one out o. my
box."-Rlchmond Dispatch.
The great decline in wheat that
has been going on steadily for =
couple of months, has left 9 good
many operators just where they
we're before. If 1t could be srrang-
ed so that nobody would own any
wheat when the priJe was going
down, there would be some chance
for the industrious poor to socumu-
late competence for their old age.
Still, lots of money ia made every
time wheat falls, by not owning any.
-Peck's Sun.
An indignant tenant and . rather
negligent landlord were overheard
in tho following conversation in
front OF the fountain, Monday even>
ing: Tenant Indignantly My
chimney smokes. LandloId-What
does il smoker Tenant (more in
dignantly)-It smokes everything.
Landlord-Has it tried cubsbs?
Tenant-Cubebs2 L,ndlord-Yos.
Give it oubebs. The chimney has
probably got the catnrrh, and smok.
ing cubsbs will clear Abe passage
Ddabury News.