Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-04-22
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

1
Der, no bachelor, should be without one.
"What is heavens best gift to manp'
she asked, smiling sweetly on him. "a
hoss, he replied, with prudence.
When you have got through using your
puzzles, give them to the poor. We
might get rid of the poor someway.
The hornet and mule are too tender
hearted to look upon suffering. They
always turn their back when they strike.
A dressmaker got mad because her lover
serepaded her with flute. She said she
got all the futing she wanted in her regu-
lar business.
"Lie2 Well, guess he does lie," said
bis neighbor Jones, why, he's so fond
of lying tnat he won't let clock strike
right in the house. "
A Charlestown man became so angry
because the clergyman who married him
kissed the bride, that he gave the rever-
end volley of abuse.
William Ellery Channing, the great
Unitarian divine, was insignificant in hg-
ure, short, slender, thin, and weighed not
much more than 100 pounds.
Ifbrooms q wet in boiling suds once
week they will become very tough, will
not cut carpet, will last much longer,
and always sweep like new broom.
When ladies meet they always greet
with kisses heard across the street; but
men, more mild, don't get so wild; they
meet, then part, when both had Smiled"
"Have you in your album any original
poetry2" asked one young lady Of another.
NO." was the reply; "but some of my
friends have favored me with original
spelling"
In round numbers, twelve millions, or
one-third Of the French people, live In
cities and towns. In the United States
the proportion is one-fith, and is rapidly
increasing.
A young lady in Brooklyn is working
motto, ''No Ice.Cream." She says: "You
know it is leap year. and the ice crops
failure, and the boys might as well know
1t first as last.
Love is to domestic life what butter is
to bread; it possesses little nourishment
in ITSELF but gives substantials grand
relish, without which they would swallow
mighty hard.
Agriculture is to be made an obligatory
study in all the elementary schools of
France. This is a recent action OF the
French senate, and was adopted by ma
jority of 294 votes.
A bachelor, upon reading that 1.-TWO
lovers will sit up all night with but one
chair in the room" said it could not be
done unless one of them sat on the floor.
Such ignorance is painful.
A little girl up town joyfully told her
mother that she had found out where they
made horses, as she had seen man In a
shop lust finishing one OF them, for he was
mailing on his last foot"
1t may interest American dancers 10
learn that the Liverpool lurch" and the
Boston dip" are no longer the fashion,
having been replaced by the Boston
grip" and the "Southsea cuddle."
A Georgia farmer uses a novel lertili-
ger. He kills snakes, lays them, IN the
funow, and then plauts corn with them
These snakes are made to produce corn,
which produces whisky, which in turn
produces snakes again.
The experiment Of summer theatre
not make, shift place of light entertain
ment, but handsome establishment with
the best dramatic perfjrmances--isl likely
to be made this year at Nantasket beach,
or Revere beach, near Boston.
"That land ought to be used for Gem
etery," remarked gentleman, as the
train glided through field in which sand
and stone were the principal productions.
Excellent idea," returned his friend,
nothing but the dead could be raised
there.
Some sanitary reforms are really being
effected in Memphis. All the rotten wood
pavement, which is believed to hold the
germs of yellow fever, is being replaced
by stone; new system OF sewerage will
be completed before hot weather, and the
health board possesses greater powers
than heretofore.
On the list of persons to be presented
at the drawing-room being submitted to
the queen, her majesty noted a Mrs.
Cheese. "Cheese, Cheese" said the
queen, that's very odd name: but
suppose she's of good family Beyond
doubt the creme de la creme, your maj
esty," said Lord Aveland.
"My boys" says a kind Oil City teach
er, "if you would be president of the
United States you must be good and stu,
dious." "Who wants to be president" ="
yelled out young chap from back seat.
ard ruther be Butler Bill, and shoot an
Injun." And the boys all chorused'
"Them's eur sentiments.
An Oil City gentleman, who recently
travelled in Europe, said he was at q din
ner one day in Paris, and while telling q
story was attacked with sudden and
continued fit of sneezing. When he
ceased, Russian gentleman, at another
table, named Plitcheekee, turned about
and complimented him on his excellent
and correct pronunciation Of the Russian
language.
An inebriated Texan-presumably a
ranger-being in the theatre at Austin
the other night when Mccullough was
acting 0thello, and F. B. Warde lago,
became so incensed with lago that he
produced his pistol and declared that he
would "shoot the scoundrel." HE must,
anyway, be a villain, this practical critic
remarked, "and If he don't stop abusing
that woman Amelia, I'll shoot him any
how" Mr.. Warde was rescued.
When a man in Vermont grocery
0 store was sitting upon the edge Of the
counter, and his feet slipped and he raked
, the whole length of his back on the coun-
ter's edge and sat square down in bush
el basket of eggs which stood right where
he couldn't miss it, the grocer was horri-
: fed, and exclaimed: "Was it an acci-
dentp" and the victim replied: by cri-
mus, sir, il you insinuate that skun my
back and got myself into this mess on
purpose, III jam your head into the re-
mains of those eggs!"
The Worcester IN. ~ Times prints an
! interesting letter from Gen. james A.
r Garfield, from which it appears that his
grandfather lived and died in that town,
, and that his father lived there in his
youth. He has one female cousin still
residing there, and to her the letter is
, addressed, He writes: "As my father
, died when | was an infant, and as his
own father died before he was two years
J old, but little was known Of the history Of
the family by any OF us. hope the time
, may come when my mother and | can
, visit Worcester and have the pleasure OF
> seeing you"
D Patrick's experience with the elevator.
!; Seq /, "Iz Misther Shmith in, surrP"
! Sez the man wild the soger cap, "Wilf yeg
: stip in2" So stips Until the closet. and
all Of suddint he pulls at rope, and it's
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