Smyrna times., 1880-01-07
My Wife's Bridal Tour.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

NASS-Nlul SUI hOOuO VII IOr
tour. | told her she'd better wait six
months or year, and I'd try to 60 with
her, but she said she'd rather go alone
when a woman was travelling, man was an
out-an- out humbug.
So gave her seventy-fve cents and told
her to go off and have good time. | never
begrudge money where nay wlfes happiness
is concerned. Ny first wife never could
complain of not going anywhere, for I'm
dreadful fierce to go off on a good time
myself, and always was. | don't pretend
to say how many times took her out to see
the engine squirt, and there was no end to
the free lectures | let her go to. The
nelghbors used to say; " Ii does beat all
how the SINNERS do go!"
When Signor Bltz was in Skunkvills,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. | not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but gave her
half the money. | don't boast of it, though :;
L only mention it to show how much |
thought of my wite's happiness.
don't think any man ought to get mar
ried until he can consider his wife's happi-
ness only second to his own. John Wise, a
neighbo of mine, did thusly, and when |
got married concluded I'd do like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in tho case of
my second wife. No, should say not |
preached the subject kindly:
Matilda" | said, | suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and master"
Not much you amt" said she.
Mrs Skinner" replied, "you are fear
fully demoralizing-: you need recognizing
at once. You are cranky"
And | brandished my new sixty-two,cent
umbrella wildly around her. She took the
umbrella away from me, and locked nae up
in the clothes-press.
l am quick to draw an inference, and the
inference drew was that | was not sue
cess as a reorganizer of female women.
After this | changed my tactics. l let
her have her swn way, and the plan worked
to charm from the very first. It's the
best way of managing a wife that know Of
Of course this is between you and me.
So when my wife said she was bound to
go off on a bridal tour anyhow, cordially
consented.
GO, Matilda" said l, and stay as long
as you want to; then if you feel as though
you would like to stay little while longer,
stay, my dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, and 60 up
stairs and get her red flannel night.cap, and
that bag of pennyroyal for her Aunt Abigail.
was a Baxter, and the Bakers are a very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who is
going on eighty, can fry more slapiacks
now than half those primped up city girls
who rattle on the piano or else walk the
street with their furbelows and fxings,
pretending to get mad if youth looks at
EN- pretty hard, but getting mad in earnest
if you don't notice them at all.
All UirlS mint what thAv usad IN ha
when | was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When | went counting, for
instance, | never thought of staying till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice a
week. Now they go seven nights in the
week, and cry because there amt eight.
Then they write touching notes to each
other during the day. Dear George do
you love me as much now as you did at
| quarter past twelve last night? Say you do,
dearest, and it will give me courage to go
down 10 dinner and tackle them cold beans
| left over from Yesterday"
Well well, suppose they en- Joy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks whose
hearts are little cAloused by long wear, to
interfere. Let them get togsther and court
if they like it-and think they do. ! was
forty-seven when l cOurted my present wife,
but it seemed Just as nice to sit on a little
cricket at her feet and let her smooth my
hair as it did thirty years ago.
As said before, my wife IS a very smart
woman, but she could not be anything else
and be a Baxter. She used to give lectures
on Women's Rights, and in one place
where she lsctursd big college conferred
the title of L. L. d., on her. But she
wouldn. take it, "No, gentlemen" she
said, "givs it to the poor" She was always
just SO charitable. She gave my boys per.
mission to 60 barefoot all Winter, and
insisted upon it so much in her kind way
that they couldn't refuse.
She fairly dotes ON my children, and I've
seen her many time go to their trowssrs
pockets and take out their pennies, after
they'd got to sleep, and put them in her
bureau drawer for fear they might lose
them.
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