The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1880-07-29
TANNER OUTDONE!
As Faster he is Behind the Times!

When DIR. Tanner began his attempt to fast fol
forty days. the most learned physicians in New York
City declared that he could not last more than nine
days without partaking of food and as the days wore
on these learned gentlemen began looking anxiously
for the Doctors DEATH But just they expected the
Doctor to yield up the ghost, he 'drank four
of water,' and began to gain in flesh. Each day he
would take demiohn to Central Park and fill it with
spring water and seemed to get fat upon it, His only
of susenance seemed to arise from getting his
demijohn filed, whenever he began to feel weak.
The Doctor, however, can claim no patent upon his
peculiar discovery, In the good 1S60 the Demo-
cratic party of the United States became very sick
1t racked by general INTERNAL not to say infer
nal commoton. People there were who looked for it
to die. But 1t simply filed its demiohn-and its
| teens-and seemed to be more vigorous than ever.
For four years many good people watched its death
struggles, at the end of which time it went to Chi
cago and took little fresh air upon the lake, and
filed its demijohn. At the general election of 1854,
| the people shut off its supplies most efectual1y.
There serious doubts to whether it could sur
vve. But it filled Its demijohn, and laughed at dis
| tress.
In 1868, it was certainly thought to be dying and
vigorous parting kick administered to it. The
work of dissolution thought to be complete But
again the demohn filed, and the gaunt faster,"
though shut out from the fatness of the public crib,
still exhibited wonderful signs of vitality.
In 1872, there were signs of breakng-up. The
party in its distress went to its enemies for susen
ance They gave crumb-just sufficient to set its
appetite gnawing, then shut off its supplies with
vigorous hand. Its distress complete. 1t was
asserted with the utmost confidence that the long
starving party dying-was in the last final strug
gle which ends all living things But it just took
few ounces of water" it were, filed its demohn,
and laid out for itself the task of living four
years upon wind and water.
In the vitas the long faster a terribly
contracted state but it thought it relief
at hand 1t to be rewarded at last for all its
suffering. 1t the doors of the public crib stand
ing ajar, and with gripping inconceivabe, advanced
to enter So elated it at the prospect that it had
the choice morsels already assorted. Ere it crossed
the threshold however strong hand again clutched
its throat and hurled it back As it did not possess
the courage of the starved WOLF it left to die
But it happily bethought itself of its demijohn,
which it filed, took few more ounces of wind and
water-the party is noted for taking water"-and
felt almost well ever.
1t can now be asserted, however, with absolute
tanty that this great faster is in sinking condition
it is losing in weight-there seems to be prospect
the long fast coming end, yet the party lives
There is no telling the limit to the extraordi-
nary longevity of this great sarverbut it is fair to
that long that place exists which is said
to TEEN with fire and birthstone, there will be DEM
ocratic partyfor without the there would be
use for the other.
1t does look though the great 'fast" is draw
ing to close. The Democratic stomach has reached
that point where it rejects water-the demijohn is
cracked, and would naturally suppose that diet
of wind alone would be too thin for even this windy
party. But there is telling; Uncle Sammy may
place the demijohn with ''barl' and thus by giving
vitality to its Contracted 'nnards.' The Demo-
cratic party is very very hungry but it can certainly
lay claim to having tasted much longer than DIR. Tan
ner with prospect of much longer fast in the
future. DR.. Tanner claims that large, fat may
endure for weeks upon the fat that is within himself
If such the case Gen. Hancock bids fair outive
his party.