Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1880-07-09

rs
pied by Queen Charlotte, at q yoluntee,
review held shortly after her coming to
England, and after staring at the Royal
lady with her arms akimbo, observed:
"Well. she's not as ugly as they told me
she was pa compliment the astonished
Queen gracefully accepted, saying
"Well, my good woman, / am very glad
of that" Probably her majesty forgave
her critics rudeness as the outcome OF
rustic ignorance and simplicity. .
There is nc cooler man than your sim
pie fellow. While General Thomas was.
inspecting the fortress at Chattanooga
with General Garfield, they heard some
one shout: "Hello, mister! You! l
want to'speak to you'll" General Thorn.
as, turning, found he was the "mister"
SO politely hailed by an East Tennessean
| soldier. -
"Well, my man. said he, "what do
you want with me~
IT want to get a furlough, mister, that's
what I want" was the reply.
"Why do you want a f1rlouph. nv
man ~ inquired the general.
"Wall, want to 60 home and see my
wife,"
elbow long is it since you saw.herT'
ever since I enlisted; nigh on to
three months"
'1Three months |" exclaimed the COM
mander. "Why, my good fellow, I have
not e w1s 0f o ,eed
and drawled: "Wal, you see me and
my wife amt that sortw
The postmaster-general of the United
munication, the Raeborn postmaster, new
to his duties, writing to his superior Of
icer: Seeing by the regulations that I
am required to send you letter of adj
vice, must plead in excuse that have
been postmaster but q short time but 1
will say, if your office pays no better
than mine, / advise you to give it up"
To this day that postmaster-general has
not decided whether his subordinate was
an ignoramous. or was quietly poking fun
at him.
Spite of the old axiom about self
praise, many are of opinion that the
world is apt to take man at his own
| valuation. If that be true, there is a
church dignitary in embryo somewhere
in the young deacon, whose examining
Bishop felt It REQUESTS to send for the
clergyman recommending him for ordl-
nation, in order to tell him to keep that
young man in check; adding, by way OF
explanation: II had the greatest diff
Guilty, sir, to prevent his examining me-"
| This not to be abashed candidate for
clerical honors promises to be as worthy
| of the cloth as the American minister
who treated his village congregation to
one of Mr.. Beecher's sermons, unaware
that the popular Brooklyn preacher made
one Of his hearers. Accosting him after
service. Mr.. Beecher said: 'That was
fair discourse: how long did it take you
to write it,"
"Oh, I tossed it off one evening"" was
the reply.
"!ndeedv' said Mr. Beecher. swell, Il
took me much longer than that to think
out the framework of that sermon"
care you Henry Ward Beecher?" ask
ed the sermon-stealer.
II am" said that gentleman.
"Well, then," said the other, not in the
least disconnected, "all have to say, is,
that amt ashamed to preach one of
your sermons anywhere"
We do not know if Coleman invented
the phrase, "As cool as. q cucumber;"
but he makes the Irishman in "The
Heir-at-Law" say: 'These two must be
a rich man that won't lend and Dor
rover; Tor one Is trotting about In great
distress and t'other stands as cool as
cucumber" OF the two the latter was
more likely to have been intending
raid on another mans purse, for the men
whose Every trade is borrowing" are
usually, we might say necessarily, the
coolest of the cool; like Bubb Doding-
toms impecunious acquaintance, who,
rushing across Bond street, greeted Dod-
ington with: "I'm delighted to see you,
for I am wonderfully in want Of a
gulnea!'
Taking out his purse, DubD showed
that it held but half a guinea.
"A thousand thanksW cried his tor
msntor, deity selling the coin; "that
will do very well for the present." and
then changed the conversation. But as
he turned to leave, he inquired: "By-
the-by, when will you pay me that half
guinea?"
"Pay you? What do you mean?" ex-
claimed Dodington.
"Mean? Why, I intended to borrow
a guinea of you. I have only got half;
but I'm not in a hurry for t'other. Name
your own time. only pray keep itp say"
ing which he disappeared round the cor
ner.
"john Phoenix" the American humor-
;st, being one night at a theatre, fancie0
he saw friend some three seats in front
of him. Turning to his next neighbor
he said: "Wou1d you be kind enough
to touch that gentleman with your stick?'
Certainly" was the reply, and the thing
was done; but when the individual thus
assaulted turned round, Phoenix saw he
was not the man he took him for, and
| became at once absorbed in the play,
leaving his friend to settle matters with
the gentleman in front, which, as he had
no excuse handy, was not done without
considerable trouble. When the hub
bub was over. the victim said: didn't
you tell me to tap that man with my
stick?" Eyes" '"And what did you
want?" "Oh," said Phoenix, with imper.
turable gravity, II wanted to see wheth-
er you would tap him or notv'
Jack Holiness" man-about town,
living no one knew how, was once under
cross-examination by a certain sergeant
at-law, who knew his man too well.
I"Now, sir" said the learned gentleman,
"tell the jury how you ivep'
| "Well," said Holmes, "a chop or q
steak, and on Sunday perhaps little bit
Of fish; I'm very plain-living man."
| "You know what / mean. sir" thun-
dered the questioner. "What do you do
for ivingY
''The same as you, sergeant" said the
witness, tapping his head suggestively,
"and when that fails 7 do'-going
through the pantomime of writing across
mis- hand-"a little bit of SUBTITLE same
as you again"
| "My Lud, 1 shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions" said the
angry counsel.
brother" said Baron Martin, II
think you had better not"
The Greenhouse.
In the arrangement of plants in the
greenhouse, continual change is COM
mendable. Every few weeks the plants
may be reset, and the houses made to
~ r 49,