The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-11-26
VARIETIES.

John, did you find any eggs in the old
hens nest this morning mo, sir; if the old
hen has laid any, she has mislaid them"
The only difference between pig max
ing glutton of himself, and man making a
pig of himself, is that the pig at some future
day will be cured
THAT was an observing fellow, if he was but
six years old, who said Papa wish you'd
quarantine against Tom Jones coming here
every night to see Jennie. It's got to be too
epidemic"
-"Are you building air castles in Spain, Mr.
Jones ?" said landlady to n boarder, who
was thoughtfully regarding his cotfee-cup =
mo, madam: only looking over my grounds
in Java" replied Jones.
Little Billy was told: "Never ask for
ANYTHING at the table. Little boys should
wait until they are served" The other day.
after rejecting seriously for minute or two
he asked: Mamma, when little boys starve
to death do they go to heavens?
An old fellow who seldom draws sober
breath, was told that he would ultimately fill
drunkard's grave unless he mended his ways.
"Well, said he, 81 spose it will be all right
Somebody must fill drunkards' graves or else
there wouldn't be any use digging EN-"
ELLA, is your father at homer" said
bashful lover to his sweetheart. 81 want to
propose something very important to him."
mo, Clarence, papa is not home, but am
Couldn't you propose to me just as well?'-
And he did with perfect success.
"A seedy looking man applied to Calves
ton candidate for $40 He said few friends
of ihe candidate wanted to make preparation
oireody to celebrate his election. "But sup
',ose am defeated ?" "Wel, then, we can
nse the money in celebrating your not being
elected. we arc not particular as long as we
celebrate"
-"Sure," said Patrick, rubbing his head
with delight at the prospect ola present from
his employer; 81 always name to do my
duty" II believe you" replied the employer,
"and therefore shall make you present of
all that you have stolen from me during the
year" Il thank your honor" replied Pat,
land may all your friends and acquaintance
treat you as literally"
| 1t is not long since lady living on Gal
weston avenue rushed into the house of one of
the most fashionable families, and said to the
lady of the house ii have Just heard that
your son has been doing something dreadful"
iMerciful heavens what is it?" "He is &C,
cused of forging n check" ooh, is that all ?
| HOW YOU SCNTtu lllt WIS ullul IC Hutl
been eating peas with his knife"
A woman invented copper nails for fasten-
ing the sheathing of ships. Her husband,
an English ship-owner, was lamenting the
rusting of the iron nails formerly in use, and
the wife, overhearing this, inquired "Why
don't you have copper nails, then?" The
idea was adopted and resulted in n great for.
tune to the lucky merchant, who, Of course,
got all the credit of the invention.
This is the latest Lancaster county coon
story: A laughable affair occurred to citizen
of Columbia and his wife, recently. His
name is Joseph Dorsey, and accompanied by
his wife, whose name is Sue, went coon hunt.
ing the other night At last coon was freed
and Joseph said-"Sue, l goes on the tree
and shakes him down, and you clubs him.
So up he went and began shaking but instead
of dislodging his coonship he shook himself
down, and his wife, not discovering the mis-.
take belabored him soundly, and only stopped
when her unfortunate husband yelled out -
Don't you know your Josephn'