Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1880-05-20
Hotel Clerks.


"When I was your age" said Grand
father Lickshingle to citizen who was
deploring the unreliabiity of the news
papers, ''when I was your age 1 had the
same fault to find with the papers. I
couldn't believe word that was in 'em.
For instance, every day 1 read some
screed about hotel clerks stickin' up their
noses at poor but respectable people who
were forced to stop with them. At that
time was proprietor of the Fifth Ave
nue. Hotel, and was runnin' it on the
European plan-if you don't see what
you want, ask fer it, no trouble to show
goods, an that sort of thing. didn't
believe word of what the papers writ
about hotel clerks, an was mighty sure
mine want that way. To satisfy my
self, however, an windicate hotel clerks
everywhere, I put up job on the news
papers.
A smile lit up grandfather's counten-
ance at this stirring of memory's embers,
but it quickly vanished, and he went on:
'I allus dressed in the height of fash
ion but I borrowed suit of clothes
from John Jacob Astor, an disguised
myself as poor but honest person from
the interior.
81 had let some friends into the Sc
cret, an they were present to see the
hotel clerks vindicated an stingin' re-
buke administered to scurrilous press. :"
At this point grandfather chuckled
audibly.
'FWhen all was ready I walked into the
Fifth Avenue, carryin' an ordinary look
in grip-sack, an registered as John
Crabapple, from Squeedunk.
"sNice day, said I, as I ornamented
the register with my stage name.
"sGlad to hear it, said the clerk, as
he fixed his necktie at lookin' glass in
the Office. r..ss
"'What time kin I get a train to
Hackensack ? I asked, fer I knowed that
particular clerk was strong on time
tables, an I wanted to fetch him out
afore the invited guests, who were sittin'
around takin' it all in. His reply
knocked me clean offn my pins. He
said, never once takin' himself away from
the lookin- glass
"'See here, my bald d-headed patriarch,
you don't see no people sleepin' around
here on benches with their valises be-
tween their feet, do you? You don't see
no men shown trucks around loaded
with trunks, do you? You don't OBJ
serve any little girls runnin' around with
apples to sell, do you? No, L reckon
not This is no depot, dear sir. If you
take me for ticket-agent, baggage
smasher or brakeman, you get left. I
run hotel. not mere railroad
81 was mad as wet hen, but waited
spell. When he got his neck-tie to run
parallel with his mustache, he turned
around an asked me what was after,
an if I would mind removin' my carpet
sack from the counter an carryin' it out
to the stable, where it evidently be-
longed.
'Thls was rubin your grandfather
the wrong way of the h'ar, but, as Ihad
gone into the scheme for the good of the
clerks in general, I naturally thought 1
could stand it if they could.
81 said I would like to have room if
it was all the same to him.
, 'He said he would give me room in
the cellar, only he was afeard I might
sprout. aae., sWa ..
Young man. said I, Aarin' up, 4
hev money to pay my way an sleep in
the bridal chamber, an don't propose to
take no lip from emmy stuck-up hotel
clerk ,..
who's stuck-up hotel clerk 2 he
yelled, dancin' out of his little pen, an
putin up his hands. Who's stuck-up
hotel clerk? p
ST told him was only jokin', an was
willin' an anxious to take it all back !;
but he wouldn't have it. He danced
'roun' an bobbed up an down, an final
" hit me terrible blow on the nose.
Take thatl you old hay-seed, he yelled,
tan' that an that ! an that 7 an did
as he recommended. When I was be-
ginnin' to get back at him he struck the
bell, an seven porters seized me an
hustled me out on the street, the clerk
bringin' up the rear, as it were, with his
box-toed shoes. On the sidewalk a po-
liceman collared me, am was locked up
for thirty-six hours afore 1 could get q
chance to explain things"
s'Then it can hardly be said that you
succeeded in vindicating hotel clerks
against the ISLANDERS of the press. !"
"Wmdicate v' replied grand
father, moved to profanity; and he am
bled off, stabbing the floor spitefully
with has cane. leyiisas8 9la uea