The Orangeburg democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1879-1881, 1880-03-26
VIII end Humor.

Many an embryo hunter began
by practicjing on the ounce pre-
serves.
st. Louis girls have q way of
teasing Chicago girls. They say,
"My dear, would like to be in your
Shoes"
Am Infamous old bachelor being
asked if he ever witnessed public
execution, replied, .'No, but 1 once
saw marriage
Bob Ingerssll is about TO take up
his residence in Chicago. We thought
tue Colonel always denied the exist
cnce of such-a place.. - r..
If there's is any thing more awkarl
than man taking his first dancing
lessons Providence has kindly con
cealed it from human observation.
Miss Jennie Flood to whom
Ulysscs,S. Grant, jun, is engaged, has
been presented with s2,5OO,O0O by
her father. His friends now speak
of her as his finance.
Tins being leap year, any wife is
privileged to go down town after ten
O'Clock and hunt up her husband and
read him lecture on larks and other
BIRDS iJt,.
The revival Of trade makes a
great difference in mems morality.
The Secretary Of the Treasury is re-
ceiving many contributions to the
conscience fund.
-"What is woman?" asks an ex-
change. Don't know. Some say wo-
man is curse, others claim her to be
darling sugar plum however, it is
merely matter Of form.
A Washington newspaper prints
half column Of advice to ugly girls.
Any fellow who has recently been
Tilted can have terrible revenge by
sending a copy to the woman who re-
fused him.
"A Dcadwood society had cane
voted to the handsomcst man in town
hy the ladies', and the man selected is
lurking in the woods till the men OF
Dcadwood will give him chance to
get out Of the country.
-"Do you ever expect to make
newspaper that will suit everybody 2"
veteran editor was asked. "No,
sir" was the answer, "and l don't
want to; newspaper that would sui
every body wouldn't be worth read
ing"
"A Californian's matrimonial ad.
vcrliscment winds up as follows
"Furtune no object. but should re-
Iuirc The gals relations 10 deposit
one thousand five hundred dollars
with me ms security for her good
BEHAVIOR
--"Why am | made sandwich ?"
said Young Snobson plaintively, as a
lady sat down on either side of him
III the horse car. because we are
better bred than you are" said one OF
The damsels swcctly; and Snobson
mustard courage TO squeeze out to the
platform.
An old lady, after q long life OF
observation, remarked that "she has
always noticed That, in the summer
time, when il was not needed, the sun
Is always rs hot as an oven, while in |
The winter, when the wal IN sun would
he very agreeable, it is as cold as an
ice house.
An enterprising American ship
ped some whcclbarrows 10 Rio jane
no, and the natives illed them full of
stones and such. and carried them on
their heads. They said it was a capi-
tal oontri, q ice, and wondered how
they managed to get along 80 many
years without it.
The taking of the census Will
cost S3,0?0,0OO, but there is really no !
need of imposing this additional bur-
den on the taxpayers of the country.
by simply allowing women to state
their age at any figure they choose on
payment Of one dollar, the entire
amount could be easily raised,
One Of the New York boarding
school keepers hires detective to
follow her procession of pupils when
they take their daily walks, IN order
to guard against any attcl pit at fir
tation. Unless the detective is
SAINT, he will have twenty liirtatlons