Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1880-02-24

uNc years. ilc - IiCus uos tcthSu itoh
business, and has developed a great taste
for after-dinner oratory. l don't believe
he could speak dozen words himself
without committing some ridiculous
blunder. But have Aoated him along
until now he really enjoys the reputation
of being always prepared with a neat
speech. l charge him good round price,
but he pays it cheerfully. Then | have
another bobbin in the person of young
man, who lives in Fifth avenue, and who
drives down here frequently in his own
coupe. He is a mild, inofensive young
chap, who, with fortune Of quarter OF
million, wants to be considered poet
He never strung together rhyme in his
life, and vet within the past two years he
has read, at various up town gatherings,
not less than half a dozen occasional
poems. Of course they are supposed tc
be original, and can assure you that
some of them are extremely original.
charge him anywhere from FIVE to fifteen
dollars, according to length. l, is one Of
the conditions Of all work done in this
way, that the person who buys anything
from me shall have the right to lay claim
to its authorship. Perhaps you will re-
call the mental album, so called, which
made its appearance few years ago.
There were a number Of printed ques-
tons, the answers to which were sup
posed to indicate the tastes and character
of the person writing them. Well, did
thriving business with these albums.
Young clerks and bookkeepers and school
girls applied to me, usually by letter, to
write the answers for them. l charge
fifty cents for each character which
thus delineated. That was cheap enough
certainly, even if the characters were not
very good. One day very young man,
with weak eyes, entered my room in a
state Of towering rage. He told me his
name, and said that he had mailed me
half dollar the week before for set OF
answers to the mental album questions.
WELL said |, didn't they turn out salts
factory Satisfactory he shouted.
They caused me to make an ass of my
self, sir, and you, sir, are responsible.
thought nature was more directly respon-
sible than |, but | asked the young man
to explain bimself. why, he answered,
Il took those answers you sent me, and
wrote EN- down in the album of young
lady who has heretofore held me in the
highest esteem. Well, a day or two
afterward | was in her house, and, look
ing over the album, | found on another
page, written before mine, the same SET
of answers. word for word, which you
had sent me- II was hard on the young
chap, for. you see, being in hurry,
had sent him a duplicate Of the answers
which had previously sold to somebody
else. But as a rule, | am very careful
not to dispose Of the same wares twice,
In the way of lectures, have written a
great many of them on all subjects, from
travels in Europe to temperance. | re-
Gently did an address for Sunday school
superintendent, and | have furnished any
number of prize essays and graduating
orations for school and college boys. On
few occasions | have furnished minis.
tcrs with sermons, and | think got &
good deal of spiritual good from listening
to one of my own discourses preached by
q young clergyman"
"Do you have fixed schedule Of prices
for your work ::
"No. The charges are made to de-
pend on the ability Of the customer to
pay. once received ten dollars for what
made three lines in newspaper print. But
that, of course, was not in my regular
line of work. The most amusing client
l ever had was newly.Hedged alumnus
from Western college. He had come
on to New York to adopt the profession
of journalism, as he put it. The heigh,
of his ambition was to get place on the
Tribune to do the sentimental editorials
His father was a rich drover, so the boy
was not troubled about money matters
Then he had letters from well knowr
men, vouching for his eminent respecta'
bility. After persistent application, they
finally told him at the Tribune Office tha
he might write up half-column article
on any subject that he pleased. and tha
if it passed muster they would print it
Straightway upon this promise the col
legian came to me. l did the job fol
him, charged him ten dollars, and th'
article was duly printed. The Tribun'
paid him two dollars and half. H,
was not over bright, but ne reached th'
wise conclusion that the profession O
journalism wouldn't pay on those terms
So he went back to his home. ! sincerel.
wish he had remained here"