Litchfield enquirer., 1880-05-20
CLIPPINGS.

Woman's sunshade IS something to parry col. @ g
 Be contented with your lot, especially at q public auction. ~ r The tune may come when graduates of West Point will be known by their ear-marks
 ''Talk is cheap" Is it? Just hire law yer once a-tsr~eg@ s>~za,
 There is q tendency to palm of oleocabbin- age cigars for genuine Havanas. ,.... But not on the man who has just stolen an umbrella.
 ''This farm for sale, subject to mortgages and cyclones" is the way they now hang out signs in the southwest. H People always sympathize with the under dog in the fight. but they bet their mopey on the other animal "a SfEAs EgFs F. Wehear of man who has made fortune by attending to his own business. But then he had few competiters.~
 An advertisement says: "Save your hair while you have it." Isn't this calculated to discourage emigration to the Indian country ?
 England begins to suspect that Beacons- field is only an oleomargarine sort of states man smooth, oily anddeceitfuL
 These Illinois tornadoes appear to be look ing for some one But we understand that Col. Ingersoll is still in Washington.
 A Cincinnati mule deliberately walked into the river and held his head under water until be drowned. Even mule gets tired of living in Cincinnati.
 A New Jersey cslored man, whose wife had left him, said: ''She would come back if frowed her some sugar but amt frowin' no sugar, do you heah ?" ,,..rs4 tasae 7,..,g
 A citizen of Plymouth, Ind, fired six shots at supposed burglar, and then his wife called out; ''See here Sam. if you don't stop shoot ing at me you'll have the house full of neigh bors." FE TIT
 When father fears that his daughter is going to miss good catch, he just notifies the young man to keep away from her, and heaven and earth to get the girl.
 An English engineer was trying to exp lain the electric telegraphy to Persian governor Finally he said: Imagine a dog with his tail in Teheran and his muzzle in London. Tread on his tail and he will bark there.
 No further proof of Tildens physical sound ness is needed. The Hartford Tmsesi is au- thority for the statement that the Hon. James Gallagher of New Haven lately met the Cram ,ercy Park statssman, and fonnd him sply enough to "wrestle him down."
 The latest from the logic class: Professor -"Miss C., give an example of a true con- clusion drawn from two false premises" Miss sC.-'Logic is as easy study that's false don't like easy studies that's false. I don't like logic; that's true." Glass is dismiss ed.
 A clock was on view at the Paris exhibi- tion which fired of pistol hourly. The ex- hibitoE on being questioned as to thesobiect explained, phlegmatically that it was b "kill time" \.
 An old lady recently visiting prison asked one of the attendants, why the psisoners- re- < ceive coafse food. He told her it was to keep their blood from becoming impure. And when asked what they would do if their blood was impure, he drYly responded, ssBreak out. l" 3 A contemporary says Eve is as deserving of a monument as Adam, and he urges, ''Givs them monument apiece" But why not treat them as this country has George Wash ington-give them piece of monument?
 Mistress" -"Who were you talkin to, Jane ?" Cook my eldest brother, muni He's he's in the perlice." Mistress-'Indeed What is his name? ?" Cook-"John Smith mum" Mistress-''But your name is not Smith," Cook-''No mum but you see, he's bin married !"h -.aH seea
 He was green street car conductor, and when pretty woman waved her handker- chief wildly to him, he thought he had made mash and threw kiss to her as his car went around corner, and if he could have seen that woman make the earth ache where she put her little foot down he would have been mighty glad that she didn t think to take the number Of his car, so that she could report him. j. lz s ,.I sas .. 4.sz-,- - .sos.ass,s .7.s4 few weeks ago Shakespeare,s comedy "As You Like It" was performed for the first time in the theatre at Wilma, Russia. The play gave great satisfaction, and the delighted audience began uttering loud cries for the au- thor. The manager, ingreat embarrassment for he knew no mere of Shakespeare than the audience-at last came to the front, prepared to trustto luck for his excuse Finally, after much preliminary verbiage, he respectfully an- nounced that Mir. Shakespeare, the author of the piece iu question, had been dead for near ly twenty y-f1ve years. The crowd was sorry, but satisfied essr
 
 l shouted the brakeman, and a young man from Hartford, who was on hls way to San Fran cisco, got up and went forward to see what the brakeman meant. He went into the smoking car and found a party of Bayarian emigrants cooking two kinds ol cheese aad three denona- nations of sausages on the stove. He came out very pale and gave the brakeman half . dollar to burn matches under his nose ''Was l 1t very bad '" an old gentleman asked him, when he returned to the coach Sir sand l the young man of Hartford ''you'll never smell anything like it until you have been dead about six menths"
 FROM THE DANBURY NEWS. ' Western Connecticut had a headache, Sun- day. five gallon keg of brandy was stolen in Canaan the night before. -,' < Three hundred dogs are authorized to Div their bark and keep up their waggin' in New Haven, for another year.
 Physic, says an old surgeon, is the art of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. 4tI A woman's missionary convention met in Waterbury, this week, and ate 1, 500 biscuits. This explains woman's mission. ttf P. I. Barnum has taken down the fences about his grounds aud will hereafter buy bis vegetables. He found that he couldn't afford