New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-12-05


suffered Ia my large noisy healthy childhood i'll a
house of nerves and sickness but II was all as n0l
ing compared to the torture OF NY broIher-ln-laws
rule. Heaven forgive If | speak Of him too
bitterly, hut cannot think OF him calmly even yet
and the less so because all his cruelty, his Ell tenn
per- his tyranny and injustice, were IN the name Oh
religion and for the honor OF God and Christianity
He set himself To tame me, lie SAID he Wonld not
continue the mistake which my father and mother
had made--the mistake Of indulgence-and let me
not in my goddess aud unfeminlne career ne
had undertaken TO subdue my p1oun deiy-
own character TO succeed and to bring me into n
state betting the household OF u Minister OF thc
Word
All this was right enough 30 far az il went but We
split on the Qu, ston of what was wrong and what
was unbecomlng in acleIgyinans FAMILY lie mace
ont that almost everything was wrong. was
not 10 ride; neither he nor Nora rode and they
would not let me 90 alone or with only groom:
This last Mr. Tagart said was dangerous; hut
really could not how. and could never get hlm
to xplain. / was not to take long walks; indeed
not To 90 out OF tue garden alone: and had no
walking companion. i was not 10 dance, even IL
had the opportunity, which not likely at Ora
croft hut il dance had been got up among the
girls shOuld not have been allowed 10 ION III IT,
for Mr. TagaTt always SAID that dancing was inc
direct road to hell. was not to sing. except Ca-
whistle hymns which did not like and 1t WAS the
same with music. All that might do without re-
buke wa--at the frst-to teach in the sunday
school under the superintendent OF the teacher oi
the first class, tallOrs daughter win cnlrccs
views on baptIsmal regeneration; and to take part
in what my brother-In-law called PARISH "oiS
But he soon forbade even that, because ne sali
I Taught rusOund doctrine and SOWed tatts Ihls
was because | said that the very strict ana
narrow people seemed to think themsel Ives conse-
Grated to the task of putting Gods work 10 rSh,H'
Nj. Tagart so angry with me lOr saying III"
and punished me by praying at me, anu not speak
ing TO me. for more than a week.
Son can understand now something of what my
life must have been. | think that even Nora was
sorry for NE but | never knew. iicr hhSoahd
had completely dominated bel thal she SeSnt't
afraid of having opinion OF her own; ana II ne
had put a pair Ct handouts on me she would not
have dared 10 take them Oft. ] used to be s"TlE
for Nora, however whether she WAS 50 lor me Oh
not. | don't know If | threw away my sympathy
for abe never complained. never said she was NJ
happy, though certainly she never SAID tnat sue
was happy. / think she held II sinful e. be very
bonnv. and unIady-like az well but fancy that
she had rot rather mere than she quite DaTeaI hcu
TOR in her husband, and that he made even her;
frigid and narrow as she was teel cfalpeu anu
chilled.
had no female friend of any value at Cracroit;
indeed there were none to have. There was Only
one family with whom we could associate on equal
terms the Lawrences. of the HOles; and they
were not very fascinating people lhey were ylst
commonplace country girls who TOOK Il Tremendous
interest in all the village gossip aiioat anu To
whom the everyday affairs oil domestic lie were o.
more importance than the most Stirring events oI
current history.
There was a hali-hrother, however at the
RolIIes who used TO come down at vacation tine-
he was at Cambridge, In his last Yeaf--Wlth whom
| fraterntZed more than with any one else. tie was
not quite like the rest being broader and more I'D
eral-lnindcd and be seemed to understand me
better. He helped me with my studies tooi Tor
|
tn lie satisfied with dreams so, Mr.. Iagart had
cut me of my usual amount of physical energy;
was forced to tan PACK on Doors h hp pe
| should have liked Guy much better than | dId
had he not been gong into the Chulch' but mao
taken such horror To the profession since uau
known Mr. Tagart that 1 at Tunes included Guy
himself in my antpathy, when thOu3Ill OF MN rs
a clergyman Poor Guy my best, ana indeed my
only frtrndi | did not always dislike HIN. you
know In general | liked him very muchj but
wnen l thought Of him as acicrgymaii-soIe IL
austere unnatural. tyrannlcal, AS l lelt sure ne
must bc-l used almost to hate him. Poor fellow
ne must have been immensely puZZtd by my
changefnl WAYS tow ards him but he was always the
same to me-alwavs good anu kind; ana red4ty' 10,
man who was not my idea OF man NJ aIl-W no Oiu
NOT ride OF hunt or shoot or do auyt hng thOughS
| man 0ught to dol liked HIM very mnch.. Ana
! then he was 20 clever! lie knew all about every
! thing IS It seemed TO me and more than thls
was grateful to him for liking me as ne did' ana
| letting me think as liked and say what thought
| without telling | was gong TO perdltion anu
that was pronpted by Satan, as Mr.. Iagart used.
One gets 10 this almost craven gratitude Tor t3i4r-
ance and sympathy when one has been Kept long
enough in an atmosphere OF repression ana anL-igo-
Time went on. and my life at the vicarage be-
else what was the go ID OF being strong anu
healthyf But It was hard tight 20 keep up ana an,
not LET myself become either peevlsh or crushed.
But think the better bore It and me more cheer-
| ful | remained. the more angry Mr. IaEart was
with me and the more determined he was 10 break
| my spiIit. One day We bad TREMENDOUS q'larrei;
! We seldom quaIrelled. because ! w0nld not. l
| never answered him when he was lnSo!cnt ana
| abomiuabc but to-day he was 50 outrageous that
| was forced TO defend myself. II all began a.out
mere tribe a handful OF Wild flowers Wni'h Il iu
! brought in and had lett on the sldei oaru "ub
! ended i'm an explosion Of wrath on both sides, ana
| bitter words that were anything hut TlhhG' /
| scarcely remember now what said, nut 80 re,
| member that he said | was accursed ana 4 chIlu Oh
tho devil that God hal fOrSaken me ana given me
over TO the vile imagination OF a repro ate neart
and great deal more OF the same KIND hen
at the bottom of the garden 10 get myself coo ana
/ think ont my position calmly. Ana mao NOT peeIi
| there long before Guy Lawrence came H., Iuy Iau
| never seen me so east down. In general used to
| keen my troubles 10 myself, and show bright
! face under them all ] was roo strong ana heA4tny
/ IN tr,t But today I utterly und"uc; ana
! rvhcn nv only friend came IN | larly broke down.
/ and at his first word OF kindness burst INTO Tears
! like any silly schoolgirl. The poor IeIo" was IN
a. Don't. don't Miss Beecham Oh; ,wh3t is the
! matterf Don't do that; pray don u he "ep' say
! ing
! Rut | could not restrain myself. l. he'd been
! hard matter to bring me TO tins; hut now lAat
! had failed failed entirely. 80 Wtut +hH sonDed
as If my heart would break. ana LOOK no ' OF lIie
fact that poor Guy Wa kneeiing Deste ne VIII III
! hand IN his winch he was Alternately Kissing ahu
CRYING over. Or rather DID tiAr heed Oh II, buO
ID was so soothing 10 InV urus'" H"t"4- .Il't 1i5
! one shouId show me a1cctOn-auNone care Tor me
! that | could not repe Il. And thus. partly IN
dcspair at nv present ms 'r3pie position. "HIou
seemed To 1ny exaggerated fancy uterninanlc
! had NOS two whole years Go wait anu p'It4 ioI
gratitude 4t finding nifael los en- ~ any ,lo ,t
/ World be lbs wife 1 knew that did not love him
/ ~ t,t could love; but J ld not expect ever u"
/ ' nv il..i and | had a very tender reg@rl and
pcsDr't fer hIm. So. desperate and se.i-decciy
/ int gave him my prom.se and 1eprniei oi ~ inr
/ Instant aftor Mind! / do net wish {" t%oltiit'
! InvSeif / ala wrong; only / did not know at tn
/ time how wrong.
strange to say. Mr.. Tacart did not oppose my en-,
| o,g.ulrnt with Guy. On the contrary me- "ppiuy'
0I H. with a ccr.an grim satisfaction WIi'vu 9',',
me M tbe time as meaning more THAN lt cApr,
b9Ce often thought since that he sa" how enilfeiy
I',..nc, was 10 surb "a girl as and how the re-
/ strirred lie of a country clergyman VIE "0uiu
! have told upon ne. think he SAW IN IL q ne ion-
! punishment for NE which he was El3d Ia' III
| Hirted with my own hand. He might nave I0oke'
| mon il as a means of grace be SAID he dld but i
| had learned by now the real meaning "l ms IT,
ii,rious phrases However that may be, he spoke OF