The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-09-24

Jones, tor stealing watch, was hned ten
dollars and given ten days in the county !
Jail. Mrs ellison, who stood accused OF
the murder of her husband, secured her
liberty by the States Attorney annulling
the case on account of a lack of evidence
against her to warrant prosecution. She is
the woman whose husband was found dead
in we'll on her premises. Jack Breen,
the defaulting treasurer of the Ancient
Order of Hibernians, was also given his
liberty, he having previously secured his
bondsmen against loss. Isaac Wilson, the
negro who was arrested several weeks ago
for stealing cigars from Mr.. John Koehler,
was sentenced to imprisonment in the peni-
Tertiary for one year at hard manual labor.
The case of John Fisher, charged with
malicious mischief for storting an engine
up the Cairo & Vineennes Railroad Com
panys track at Fourth street, and then
jumping off, will be called this morning
We have of late noticed disposition
on the part OF our lean citizens to tantalize
our men of imposing proportions. Especial
~ have we in our minds eye
one particular citizen of ours, (not
Chas. Pfferlingl who largely "lays over"
all Others in size and shapeliness
and who has been the butt Of
those lean men who cast sleeps
eyes full of envy at all whose rotundity
has assumed respectable dimensions. I'd
this conduct of our lean men reminds us
we are not in the habit of being Of boring
our readers with reminders but will do so
for once-remnds us of an occurrence re-
lated to us many years ago. 1t was some
what as follows: In the
course of time, by the daily imbibi-
ton of considerable quantities of excellent
lager beer, and by the constant exercise OF
a natural faculty of visibility, one Mr.
Shortshop contrived to get up magniti-
cent corporal pondcrosity; in fact Mr..
Shortstops corpulency assumed such a
luxuriant tone that it seriously inconven-
fenced him. So long as he was reasonably
and decently fat he didn't mind 1.-THE
rather enjoyed it; but when his rotundity
began to assume the dimensions of a large
balloon it became a source Of unhapp'1ess.
Things grew to such pitch that he couldn't
stoop down to button his shoe without
being forced to the disagreeable neces-
sity of turning somereault. AS
for irving to climb over the fence or walk
up a flight of stairs, it was sheer madness
to think of such things. What panied
Mr.. Shortstop most, however, was the un'
pleasant notoriety that his freshness gain
ed for him among the dapraved populace,
"There goes the fat man. that's old Dan
Lambert "look at the old beer barrel,
were some Of the compliments showered up
on him while waddling along the thorough
fares. Then his friends and his wife and
children would poke fun at him and ask
him when he intended to elbow up and
burst" and whether it was a camel or an
elephant that he had swallowed, and other
little remarks not calculated to soothe a
tortured man. And then the warm wealth
er would grab man and cause HIM to per.
spire and weller around until finally his
very existence became burden. One day
when he was sitting at home read
ing the newspaper and wishing all the
while that he was a bean pole or a knit
ting needle, while three of his offspring
were tanning him on as many sides all al
once, his eye suddenly fell upon para
graph, the persual of which caused him tc
get up and, after an insane attempt to POI
his heels together, slap his wife on the
back, as he screamed II have got it, Tn
saved, I'm saved" and rolled out of thu
house. Just what Mr. Shortstop had, anc
how he expected to be saved, were matters
of serious perplexity to the remainder o
the family, who had strong suspicion tina
, he had gone crazy. But when he returned
it was all explained. He brought with hin
package of "Anti-fat" and after he haC
taken few doses he was more than usual
" enthusiastic in his family prayers tina
night. Mr.. Shortstop went about il
better spirits the next day than he ha'
} felt for long time. He felt encouraged
l he felt that salvation was nigh. From
t day to day he perseveringly continued
r to use the preparation, and from day to da.
r he was made happy by a marked decreas
4 in his size. His friends, too, perceived tn
, difference and congratulated him. Final
G Mr.. Shortstop concluded that he had was,
$ ed away enough and so he discontinued tn
l use of the medicine. He was then of
, beautiful size, the admiration Of all be
e holders. But alas for human hopes! Not
H.