The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-11-27
A GOOD JOKE.


ent century, Colonel Blank and his maiden
sister were sitting, one on each side OF De
Ilightful hickory fire, enjoying their ottum cum
diqnttdte without any interruption, for neither
of them had spoken word for at least an
hour; and that, considering the sex OF Miss
Patty, was certainly very remarkable Inc
colonel was sitting cross.legged in great arm
char, with his pipe in one hand, newspaper
in the other, spectacles on-fast asleep. Miss
Patty was moving herself gently backward
and forward in low rocking as
straight as an arrow-knittng, Close at her
feet was Miss Puss, her paws folded graceful
y under her, dosing very quietly, and evinc-
ing her satisfaction by murmuring forth q
monotonous p-u-rr--while Mr.. Carlo was
stretched out at full length on the rug in front
of the fire.
At length the colonel, rousing from his nap,
took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes,
then glancing lat huge pile of papers that
lay on the table near him, said, yawning at
the same time most emphatlcally;
II wish Henry was here to help me about
my rents"
"Wel / really wish he was" answered his
sister.
Il can't expect him this month yet" yawn,
ed the colonel.
Upon this the dog got up and walked to-
ward the door
where are you going, Carlo?" said the old
gentleman.
The oog looked in his masters face, wagged
his tail a little, but never said word, and pur
sued his way toward the door, and, as he could
not very well open it himself, Miss Patty got
up and opened 1t tor him. The colonel was
composing himself for another nap, when the
joyful barking of the dog, announcing the APP
proach of some one, induced HIM to alter his
determination. Presently the door was violently
opened, and young man entered the room.
"Why, William Henry is that you" said
Aunt Patty.
Harry, my boy, I'm heartily glad to see
you" said the colonel, giving his nephew
substantial shake of the hand. Pray, what
has brought you home so suddenly"
"Do TELL" said Aunt Patty, peeking over her
spectaces.
ooh, don't know" said Henry ats rath-
err dull in town, so thought | would just step
up and see how you all come ON
"Well, Pm glad to see you-si. down. said
the colonel.
80 do" said his sister
But Henry, instead of doing as he was bid,
hoped out of the room, but soon hoped in
again, with bottle in each haDd, and giving
one of them to the OLD lady, he said;
There, aunt, 10 q bottle of tirstrate snuff
tor you-and here, uncle, is one of capital Ma
raschino"
THANK you, my boy" said the colonel.
positively, it does my heart good to see you
again"
"And mine, too" said his sister What did
you have to pay tor this snuff"
Here Carlo began to jump upon him so he
was not obliged to hear the question.
Down, Carlo!' shouted the colonel, little
sterny; and down went the dog, with look
so humbled and detected that the colonel be-
gan to feel sorry that he had spoken so cross.
So, stretching out his hand, hs patted the dog
ailcctionatey on the head saying;
why, Carlo, poor Carlo, you needn't feel so
bad; only wanted you to be little more po'
lite"
Carlo pricked up his ears, and showed other
signs of returning animation, though he did
not Immediately recover his spirit. But he
looked up with an expression that seemed to
say, You need make no apology, sir" and
settled himself IN dignlted silence under his
masters chair.
"Wcll, my boy" said the colonel, whose
good humOr increased every moment "what's
the news in Boston, Anything happened ?"
"No-yes," said Henry, bursting into VIC
lent fit of laughter. Yes" continued he, as
he recovered himself, 81 have got one of the
best jokes to tell you that you ever heard"
mo" exclaimed his uncle with great ami
nation.
"Do tell" said Aunt Patty, taking pinch
of snuff
Now the colonel was noted for his extraor-
binary relish of good joke, even though he
was a sufferer by 1t himself
Come, let's have it," SAID he filling up his
glass.
"Well, you must know" said Henry, that
while was IN town met with an old friend
of mine about my own age;' here he stroked
his beard-"a COMPOUNDED clever fellow, very
good looking, but as poor as poverty" Here
he thrust one hand INTO his pocket and com
menced jingling at his penknives, keys, peck.
etcomb and halfcent pieces. About two
months ago he fell desperately in love with
young girl, and wants to marry her, but dares
not without the consent of his uncle, fine
old gentleman as rich as Crpsus-do take a
little more cordial"
"Why-don't his uncle wish him to marry,"
"Oh, yes; but there's the rub. He Is very
anxious that Bill should get wife, but he's
terribly afraid that he'll be taken in, because
1t is generally understood that he Is to be the
old gentlcman's heir And for this reason sus.
poets every young lady who pays his nephew
the least bit Of attention of being fortune
hunter"
THE old rp!" said the colonel; "why can't
he let the boy have his own wayS"
81 think as much" SAID Aunt Patty
well, how did he manager" SAID the
colonel.
Why" said Henry, laughing, "he was IN a
COMPOUNDED pickle. He was afraid to ask his
uncle's consent right out, But he knew that
his uncle was an enthusiastic admlrer of beau
ty. SO, what does he do but go and have her
miniature taken, for she was extremely bcauti.
full, besides being very intelligent and accom-
plished."
Beautiful, intelligent, and accomplished"
exclaimed the colonel; pray what objections
could the old fool have to herr"
"Why, she IS not worth a cent" replied
Henry.
"Fudge!" SAID the colonel.
"As said, he had her picture taken, and as