Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1880-02-27
Written for the SENTINEL.
A View of Boys and Men from the
Cradle to the Grave.
BY CRITERION, OF WASHINGTON.

quote II only to show how much nonsense
can bepacked into one sentence Lam go
ing to indite some solid senseabout boys and
men and about their fancies from three
months to three score years Of age
About the first mentioned time of life the
male infant takes II desperate lancy fore every
lighted candle or gas jet in his vicinity.
At six months he considers the hair and
beard Of all bystanacrs to be intended spe-
| cially for his dedication, and takes fancy
to tange his sticky and saliva. covered fin
gers in the same.
From his first to his second year he makes
his mothers life miserable by his fancy for
investigating the stove, the kitchen fire, the
hall stairway, the slop-jar, the wash-tub, the
| coal hole, &c.
During his second summer no is apt TO en-
| terrain anapparent fancy for the future world
and prediction for going there, by way
of cholera infantum, scarlet fever and com
plants of like nature.
Somewhere between his fourth and his
sixth year the boy comes to hate his fcmi-
nine forgery and to long with incxpressible
yearning for trowcrs and boots with real
straps. II iterated peadings do not procure
these articles, he takes fancy TO slide on
cellar doors, climb fences and otherwise des-
troy the hated symbol of his bondage
Shortly after his change Of apparel, our
boy gradually gets thin and pale and deve-
nn "a "A n iran E,. tals L..
self by the slack" of his trowsers az though
trying to initiate himself into jumping over
the front fence, A few doses of vermiluge
generally relieves him of this fancy.
In the vivid period between boys sixth
and his fourteenth year his fancies are too
numerous for individual mention. But |
may say, that, rs regards costume, his iancies
are old clothes, and abominatcs shoes aud
stockings and goes mad after Ice cream, soda
wator, cinnamon essence, liquorice root, raw
turnips, green apples and tobacco. For oc-
cupation, he ianeies running, yelling, swim
ming, raising rabbits md soaring cats; and
for recreation, he prefers carrying water for
the circus to any other form of pleasure
N. Bile thinks he likes the subsequent
performance but ! confidently appeal TO
every mature masculine readers recollection
on this point.
About fourteen, the boy finds out that
some young woman from three 10 ten years
older than himself is necessary TO his hap
pinoss. lie does not know Just what is the
matter with him he is much amazed at the
way his feet get tangled in walking with her;
his hands will not be comfortable in his
pocket any longer; he is painfully conscious
of occasional bushes, and of humiliatngly
persistent pimples on his face. From his
previous carelessness Of mon and behavior,
he recols with disgust and takes great
fancy for now neclties, hair oil handker-
chief extract and what he singulary calls
"a tail coat"
At sixteen the boy wants 10 be a poet He
wonders how he ever could have thought
himself in love with the mature young wo-
man Of his first affection. He iancies ho
feels the genuine passion OF his life now;
he longs Tor horse and buggy 10 take her
out driving he wants to immortalze him
self 50 as TO 'mash" her young affections.
At eighteen he begins TO doubt whether
he is really n man yet and therefore looks
every day TO see how his beard is getting
along. lie buys II razor, II strop and shay
ing soap, and hacks his guileloss chin twice
week in his attempts TO keep that feature
Tr1a Irnpl huir In t,,h ., Ia. l,,ai
rather than ut school or college. lie is SC.
cretly an adorer Of the leading actress in the
local theatre, and he believes the local base
ball club 10 be the best in the country.
Al twenty five our friend is somewhat
"blasc." He has lost some of his cnthusi-
asn and very nearly all his innocence. lie
thinks his mother and sister very nice, Of
course, but rather slow; yet il he likes any
young woman very much, she is apt TO he
Of the slow sort too. lie wants 10 make
money rapidly, and he fincics he can play
fool-of course this tho widest kind of mis-.
take
At thirty-fve he begins 10 DO anxious
about the thinness Of his hair and the thick
ness Of his waist. He IL quite steady fel-
low now; only occasionally, when madam
and the children are visiting dcargrandma,
he enjoys "a little dccorous wickodncss, very
much indeed. lie has read the sam1 paper
for five years, and never, no mover, pitsFin
both kid gloves at one time.
At iorty.fyc he fancioa ho would make a
much better Menlbarof Congress than Jaw
bone, who represents his district In that au-
gust body
AT forty-six latter the reelection Of Mr..
- he changes his mind wouldn't belong
b the disgusting thing Tor twice tho salary"
At fifty, he goes 10 church twice every
Sunday; Inc takes one dose of tansy- bittors
every day before dinner and he iancies that
he Is still quite an attractive object To the
other Sex; however, he makes no similar
mistakes about his wife unless she IL mum
Der two and only half his age.
At sixty, he lancies that the particular
medical man 10 whom he conhdes his all
mcnts Is the only reliable practitioner within
a hundred miles; that the place Of his resi-.
dence Is the only modern city that can hold
a candle toancicnt Athens; that hischildrcn
are a boon 10 humanity and II claim on the
gratitude Of the world and that his wig
cannot be told from genuine hair by the clos
est inspection.
On his doath-bcd our boy-man begins 10
fancy that he has been good deal Of II sin.
nor all his liiei aud we are afraid that this
fancy has much more foundation in fact
than is predecessors.
- -
A member Of a school board, not thou
sand miles from Boston, visited a school un-
der his jurisdiction. When asked 10 make
some remarks, he said "Well, children,
you speaks well and reads well, but you
hain't sot still"
Men Of genius make the best husbands;
fool has too good AN opinion Of himself and
too poor u one Of women 10 bc easily gov.
prncl