The Russellville Democrat., 1880-03-25
WAYS OF TIE WORLD.


 A CoMposIToR makes money hand over fist.
 APPLES and oranges cost alike in De- troit. - =-=s-.-7' --'--v --a-
 RATS are in the grain-carrying trade this winter.
 A GIRL may smile and smile and still be unwillin'.
 A MATCH loses it's head when it comes to the scratch. fF
 A FELLOW can't dig clans without moving a mussel. ,1.a ..s
 BRICK PoMERoY threatens to start a paper in Denver.
 ALL hope of getting trace of Professor Wise has been abandoned.
 A GOOD rule for the rink: If young lady can't skate, let her slide.
 THE price of a seat in the Boston brok- CTS baard has advanced from $2,000 to $3,000. t
 A BosToN paper calls wood-chopper an old hack. Such chips are flying around all the time.
 YELLOW, as a fashionable color, is making considerable progress, especially in the.line of bonnets.
 THREE million coffee mills were made In this country last year, and the sound of their grinding was low.
 PEOPLE who talk about blushing roses don't know anything about flowers. A red or scarlet rose grows that way.
 MR. CHAs. A. DANA, of the Sun, has bought residence in New York, on E. Forty-seventh street, for which he pays S47,000.
 THE Prince of Wales is trying to cut down household expenses one-half be- cause his mother won't help him pay his debts. 11'
 A NEW HAMPSHIRE pig emerged from straw stack the other day after forty two days of close confinement. He was trife hungry.
 WHEN girl is 20 she feels very easy on that score; it's only when she scores another that she begins to wonder who invented wrinkles.
 COUNTRY debating societies should de- bate the question, Is it really necessary to spoil good brandy by putting poor mince pies into it?'
 IF the fool-killer were alive he might be able to slay about 5000 people who expected to get grand pianos at a gift enterprise side show.
 SENATOR LAMAR probably owed his ill., ness to his irregular habits of life. At times he almost starves himself and again he eats voraciously.
 THE man who founds town on a river like the Ohio should expect to live onthe roof of his house at least four weeks out of the fitty-two. s
 WHEN they haven't anything else to egar in a jug and see which man can hold it to his lips the longest.
 Ig the Postmaster-G General sticks to his order the Personals" in the N. Y. Herald and other such sheets will soon grow beautifully less in number.
 THE reward of $57, 300 offered for the detection of the Nathan murderer is still in force, and there isn't much doubt that the murderer is still alive.
 JAMESTOWN, VA, claims to be the old est Post Office in America, and 1t never had a P. M. who sassed back when wo- man knew that there was letter there for her.
 SOME members of the Cincinnati School Board, it is alleged, get their coal for nothing by voting contracts to certain dealers, and those who have to pay for their fuel are raising a fuss about it.
 AN English butcher was so overcome at the sight of lords carriage in front of bis door that he tainted away. He recovered consciousness to learn that the lord had taken his place for dye shop.
 MAJOR RENO complains that the press is not willing to do him justice; but he got it from court-martial just the same. A soldier who will leave a comrade in a pinch will never be hero in the eyes of journalist.
 IT is estimated that the time wasted by the women of this country in looking under the bed for men at night if devot- ed to work would result, in years time, in making overl 900 pairs of suspenders for the heathen.
 A MEMBER of Congress is not always valuable citizen when alive; but the re- turns show that it is very expensive business for the country when member dies and is buried and eulogized with appropriate ceremonies.