The Ripley advertiser. [volume] (Ripley, Miss.) 1843-1897, 1880-12-04

=
geratidn. You wish to know what
is the matter with mes Yes, Of
cOuFseIyou do. Well mean tC
tell yop. Oh! | have suffered ten
thousand deaths since yesterday
Sucht0rture no poor mortal ever
suffered before. How Isurvived it
is a mystery-but must try to de.
scribe my sufferings. never ex.
pected TO see another day. | had
. horrible pain in the back Of my
head; both temples ached and
throbbed all day and allnight. My
back felt like it was broken in the
middle-my teeth all aching al
once--a kind Of smothering about
Jmy hegrt, with darting pains con.
tinually going like a knife through
my breast. My stomach seemed
to be on ire, while my extremities
were freezing. My throat was per.
teclly raw, and the skin has all
peeled off Of my tongue. Every
bone in my kody felt like they
were being mashed into powder
NY eyebal S felt like they were
going to jump out Of my head.
had the ear ache in both ears, and
the cramp IN my left leg. A most
horrible rebching about the st6m-
sch. | hyd d the cramp collie all
day, and n luralgia iho my left jaw,
and a burn Ing sensation in my nos.
trils, and o tell you the truth,
Doctor, without lexagg geration, q
hate exaggerationIy was quite un-
we'll, myself. Do, pray, give me
somelhingIto relieve me. nj die,
| knowI viii, il you don't hurry.
That Interesting female then fell
back on the imodntain Of pillows,
closed her eyes and heaved a deep
sigh, like one who was about to bid
the world aJfinal farewell. Now,
want it to be distinctly understood
that | did not intend to commit
murder, but 1 had the necessary
malice in me. Miss TadpoddIe had
Slandered Miss Bralnlett, and she
had slandered everybody else in
Memphis. She mad offended Lottie
by her Slandero1s REP ports concern
ing Viola. was angry because
Lotlie was dispIeased, and here is
the Sollloquy that | had with my
self on that occasion, as nigh as
can remember it: "Very we'll, nay
charming Miss Tadpoddle; | have
got you in my power now, aud ]
guess Pll get even with you before
| quit you. You want medicine
do yous Very gobd-yon shall
nave it with a vengeance--I'lI
keep your tongue silent for a week
or two, if there is any virtue in
blisters. Pll physic you until you
are satisfied" This was the first
patient | had ever had. and ]
meant to test the qualities of my
drugs. | had brought my case ,ot
medicines with me, and / was pre-.
pared, not only 10 prescribe, but
ready to administer the drugs. j
covered her up With blisters,;
gave her an emetic, then a purga,
tive; put red hot bricks to her
feet; | cupped her temples -the
fact Is, 1 made prescription for
each separate pain OF which she
colnplaineds : and with the aid Ioi
Miss Clattermouth, | managed to
have it all administered, Then ]
sat down and waited tor the result.
"Old lady," observed to myself
mentally, Il guess you'll remain
quiet for a few days, now You
won't trouble Miss Bramlett any
more soon, at all events. Your
tongue won't wag quite SO glib as
it has been in the habit OF doing
You'll wake up, directly, if | amt
mistaken" Well, sure enough, she
did wake UP, and it was no half.
way business, either lit was wha.
you call wide-aWake ssensationl
The mustard began to heat her up,
the emeticyg commenced, business,
the hot bricks got up stesm-in
fact, the skirmish commenced All
along the eline = but whenlh pili
brigade delhe chargeg the Ga:
gagsment belamsIoge ogeheral4Hthe
contest was bot and loqd, and. the
drugs won the, victory, and Miss
Tadpoddle was saVed-so com
pletely cured that she has tevet
been very Ill since, MyrepplstiQn
as 8 tirst-Class physician was then
permanently established, because
Miss Tadpoddie's t0ngaeiwas q bet
ter advertising medium than the
New York Herald. She was Presi,
dent oflhe Cat'KillInge Club,lNice
rDat...s I~..k 20 49, fN..l..... - . c....u.