The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-05-21
COMICALITIES.

OOubtaLItIL5s
The Norristown Hcraid refers flip
PANTY to the conversation Of ALI Wing
as n simple change of ah-pinion.
A LADY recently lectured in Detroit on
"Burns," but failed TO tell what would
cure 'ern.-Cincinnah Commercial.
AT Auburn, KY, young lady asked
q salesman for "men's size of ladies'
shoes"
A HUSBAND telegraphed to his wife:
"What have you for breakfast, and how
is the baby?" The answer came "buck-
wheat cakes and the measles"
We hear OF n man who has made a
fortune by attending to his own bust
ness! This is authentic. But then he
had but few competitors. -BOston Tran
script.
IT is believed that cats can be made
tender-hearted by playing soft, sad
music to them; but how much easier it
is to hire boy to chuck 'em off the
bridge.
The men who leave green gingham
umbrellas in barber shops, and take
away brown silk ones, are to be examined
for color-blindness, and possibly for
stealing.
A WHIrEHALLER who made fun of his
pretty Irish sweetheart's speech by call
ing her his brogue Ann, was not so Joy
Gus when the girls fathers brogan went
for him. Whitehall Times.
CAN'T that a lovely critter, john"
said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite
the leopard's cage. "Waal, yas," said
John, "but he's dreadly freckled, amt
he?"-BOston Commercial Bulletin.
We cannot be too grateful to the Maui
gatuck man who has invented rubber
shoe that can be carried in the pocket.
This will obviate leaving it in the hall
for some one to drain his umbrella in.
A LITTLE girl in one of our public
schools the other day had occasion to
parse the word CANCEL" Coming to
tue gender she stopped dismayed aud
asked her teach if "there are any men
angels"
THERE is q beautiful poem entitled
"Gather Ripe Fruits, Oh Death"
Death will have to take the ripe ones, if
he gets any in this country, as the small
boy seems to hold the dead open and
SiliI oii III Vic SiCSh ohcS.
Two young mothers talked of the
future OF their babies several weeks old.
81, said one of the mothers, 81 cannot
decide what to make of my son." sob!
l." said the other, 81 will make mine an
author-very Standardization COu-
ricr.
The Worcester Gazette is in error
when it says the driver Of street-car
"knOws what the wild waves are saying"
when woman runs frantically after the
car and fiourishes her handkerchief. If
he knew he would certainly stop the car
which he rarely does.
A YOUNG man with an extremely pow
erful voice was in doubt what branch Of
the art to adopt. He went to Cherubini
for advice. "Suppose you sing me a
few bars, said the master. The young
fellow sang so loud that the walls fairly
shook. "Now," said he, "what do you
think am best fitted for?" "Auction-
eer," dryly replied Cherubini. French.
A YANKEE came running down to
pier just rs a steamer was starting. The
boat moved off some four or five yards as
he took jump, and coming down on the
back of his head ON deck, he lay stunned
for two or three minutes. When he
came to the boat had gone the best part
of quarter of mile, and raising his
head and looking toward the shore, the
Yankee said: "Great Jehosaphat! what
a jumpv'-BostOn Journal.
WHEN man looks back into the dim
V ista Of bygone years, about the only
things he can remember are his mothers
slippers, his first pair of boots, the old
schOolmaster and the little rosy-cheeked
schoolgirl who used to make his heart
flutter whenever she asked him for q
bite of his chewing gum. Life was
worth living for i'll those days even
though there wasn't much money in it.
-Hackensack Republican.
The gentleman who had been off for
q fishing excursion and sent paragraph
to the local paper saying, that "Mr,
Jones has sent home a fine mess of
speckled Beauties" could not account
for the warm reception from his wife,
until he read that "Mr. Jones had been
fined and sent home for mess with
some freckled beauties," and then he
went for the newspaper man with a rod.
-BOstOn Commercial Bulletin.
JOHNNY wanted to ito the circus, and
his father said: "Johnny, I'd rather
you'd go to school; and study, and may
be you'll be president some day." Said
Johnny: Father, there's about one
million boys in the United States, isn't
there?" eyes" "And every one of
them stands chance Of being presi-
dent?" eyes" "Well, dad, III sell
out my chance for a circus ticket oil
city Derrick.
Or course, when young wife makes
her first mince pie, the husband eats it
and tries to look pleased, and says: sit
he's being kind to the girl, when she'd q
heap rather he'd not touch it than to see
him writhe and roll on the floor all night,
and have him mistake her for animals,
and have him cry, "Oh, call off that dog
with six tails! Take away those hogs
with fiery eyes! Let me get away from
the bear with four mouths! OH" A
girl doesn't like to be mistaken for such
things. Post.
, IT was all the fault of the newspapers.
They said the new comet could be seen
"without glass;" Mr.. Starlington
wanted to see it, SO he took glass. 1t
still eluded his vision, and he took two
more glasses. Still he couldn't see it;
and, after taking seven glasses altogeth-
er, he fell down four steps into an area,
and was rewarded with sight of the
comet. But he is positive that just as
he caught glimpse of the celestial
visitor, it burst into ten million pieces,
one of which struck him right between
the eyes.-NorristO,D Herald.
A LITTLE French is dangerous thing.
A Cleveland lady, accordingly the Voice,
of the city mentioned, entertained a
small party the other evening by relating
a comical incident which came under her
observation during arecent four months
sojourn in Paris. The fun of the affair
hinged upon the attempts of IN unknown
gentleman to obtain dinner at fash
ionable cafe. "Why, "said the animated
lady, 81 do believe the poor man called
'garconp at least dozen times And
then she smilingly, and in half apollo
getic manner added, "Garcon, you know,
is French for cabbage!"
DEACON B., of Ohio, very pious man,
was noted for his long prayers, especial
ly in his family. One Monday morning,
the deacon and wife were alone, and, as
was his usual custom, after breakfast
prayer was offered. There being an I'M
usual amount of work that day, the dea-
cons prayer was short. He seized his
hat and milk pail and started for the barn.
His wife being deaf did not notice his abb
sence, but supposed him TO be still en-
gagged in prayer. On his return from
milking he was surprised to find her still
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