Connecticut western news., 1880-12-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

HE bee that does the most buzzmS makes the least honey.
 NATUR luvs phun if she doesn't she never would have made munky.-Josh Billings. -,-. ..s.... ...
 PUT the armchair in the corner Near the brightly glowing grate; George and Mabel will be in it When the kitchen clock strikes eight WE MAY not all create as the worlds greatest men have done; but there is nothing to prevent us feeling and being as noble as any of them.
 JONES thinks man is fortunate who has his will contested after death only. He says his will has been contested ever since he welded Mrs. J. W A BALTIMORE clergyman recently preached on the subject, "Why was Lazarus a beggar?" We suppose be-
 cause he didn't advertise.
 Ir IS fortunate thing for Shakespeare
 that he established solid reputation
 before the newspaper critics of America
 had 8 chance to cut him up.
 A MAN who is as true as steel, possess
 ing an iron will, some gold, and fair
 proportion of brass should be able to en-
 dure the hardware of this world.
 THE census shows something like twenty per centum more females than F males in the country's population. Well,
 we can't have too much of good thing.
 IF RELIGION is anything it is the whole
 of mans life; it is the carriage of his
 soul and of his body; it is the dispo-
 sition of his time; it is the whole being
 aright
 IF YOU want to find out how little O
 man knows about himself and family,
 give him an insurance "application to fill out. If you want to see how little
 he knows about anything, put him on
 the witness stand.
 AN OLD lady in town of Massachu.
 setts, refused the gift of load of wood
 from tree struck by lightning, through
 fear that some of the |" fluid might re-
 main in the wood, and cause disaster to , her kitchen stove.
 A GOOD story is told of woman who | pected: "It must have been delayed on the road" said she. "I know the wires are busy to-day, for heard them working as came along"
 MIR. LoNaFE11ow can take worth less sheet of paper and by writing
 poem on it make it worth $50. That's , genius. Mr. Vanderbilt can write fewer words on 8 similar sheet and make it
 worth $50, 100000. That's capital.
 WISHING to pay his friend 8 compi-
 ment, a gentleman remarked: "I hear you have very industrious wife. " "Yes," replied the friend, with amelan-
 choly smile, "she is never idle. She always finds something for me to do" A WOMAN accidentally went to church l with two bonnets on her head-one stuck inside the other-and the other 5 women in the congregation almost died 3 of envy. They thought it was new kind of bonnet, and too sweet for any } thing.
 5 Three Brooklyn doctors examined Q 7 man to see if he was insane; and, as they found six letters from other mems wives,
 concealed in the lining of his coat, where his own wife would never have l found them, they concluded that he was able to transact business.
 z WHEN you hear man saying that he . still carries the heart of boy in his breast, just hire some real boy, about eleven years old, to fire an icy-hearted snow ball at the back of that mans neck,
 and watch the hearts of both boys, and
 the body of one disappear in one turn
 and few motions.
 A woman in Lenoire, N. O., was re-
 cently hugged by female relative with
 such affectionate force as to break her n ribs. Young women should not waste 8 their strength that way. It is some- t times disastrous to assume mans work. 0 A man appears to know by instinct just if how much pressure the female ribs will O stand, and the business should be left ?. to his arms alone. THERE is always possibility of sec
 ing the bright side of things if you are e only inclined to do so. "These cigars s are abominable," said an inveterate smoker and fault finder, "and the deeper t down in the box I get the worse they g are" His good wife answered with Q U smile, "Alfred, my dear, why don't you a turn the box upside down, and then, q you know, they will grow better and ; betterl?"
 IL "THE English government is weighted ' down with sinecures. The younger sons v of lords and dukes are too gentlemanly '' to follow an honest business and the 7 government is too paternal to allow
 them to do so. The consequence is that
 there are great many official positions z like that which the Irishman defined as ! follows "A sinecure? Sure it's aplace :, where there's nothing to do and where q < man gets well paid for doing it." ' A STORY is told of farmer in Deposit ! who, last planting time, shot and killed f three crows which were pulling up his
 corn. A neighboring farmer entered q
 complaint against him and Q justice of n the peace fined the crow killer $5 for " each bird. This fall the crow killer n turned the tables on his adversary by s having him fined $50 for not cutting the @ weeds along the highway adjoining his : land, and an additional $50 for allowing t thistles to go to seed on his farm. e AN ITALIAN gentleman, who was dan n gerously ill, and at the same time heavi-