The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1880-10-19
CHIPS.

melody Of that cat.
Weak-sghted individuals should avoid
liquor. 1t is very easy matter to get blind
drunk.
Brass bands attend hangings in Idaho. |
This is an added torture not warranted by |
law.-Ne,c Orleans Picay,me..
An exchange says: To make good mon
key wrench. feed him on green apples.''
The old maid who exclaimed "Afy life has
been deserted waist" can readily be believed. |
Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
The Maryland Greenbackers have put up
~. IL. w. Onion for congress. Onion is |
|strohg nomination, hence these tears.-Bos-
lon Transcript.
4 "Married-ln Chillicothe, Sept. 18th, Her.
bert l.. Rollingstone and Emma j. Moss" |
Thus does one familiar proVerb receive a |
death-blow.-NeW Hacen Register.
/ A beggar held out his hand. 81 haven't
cent" said the gentleman. 81 did not speci- |
fy the coin,' responded the mendicant.
< A Toronto alderman, of typical ample di- |
mensons, wandered around for while on
the 1st OF April with a placard across his
back inscribed: "Widened at the expense of
the corporation"
You never saw girl at a picnic venture |
into swing if she had forgotten to put on
her best stockings before leaving home, did
you?
The worst cut up man of the hour, accord |
ing to Cleveland paper, is that western re-
porter who, in describing the appearance of
the belle Of the town at a local picnic intend
ed to say that she looked au .fait, but of
course the types had to get it call feet"
In the "raquet,'' new dance, you " grab
your partner around the waist and glue her
to your manly BOSOM" and the dance con-
tains more hugging than the waltz. And yet
some idiots are asking if life is worth living?
It is worth living all over again as long as
such dances are popular.
The meanest man has occurred again. He
lives in Milford, n. j., and stole the collec-
| ton which had been taken to pay the expens-
| es Of temperance orator and set up the
drinks tor big crowd at the hotel with the
| money. There is, we confess, kind of orig
inality about such rascality as that.
| prominent candidate went home the
other night from the ward meeting in a rather
demoralized condition. His wife remarked,
amsng other things 'Just see how you soiled
your clean shirt bosom drinking beer. Oh,
| you beast!' Mishtaken, my dearesht dar-
1 lingsh; that's beer didn't drink"
A young man with an umbrella overlook
an unprotected lady acquaintance IN the rain
storm yesterday, and extending his umbrella
| over her requested the pleasure of acting as
her rain beau. "Oh," exclaimed the young
F1ady;- taking his arm, "you want me to be
your rain dear" Two souls with but sim
gle umbrella, two forms that step as one.
They were in the wood. Said he, looking
| things unutterable 81 wish I were a fern,
Gussie." ''Why," she asked. "Why-p'raps
-you--wonld-press me, too" She evident.
ly hated TO do it, but it is best to nip such
things in the bud; so she replied: "I'm afraid
| xyn1i isro foor r1a Nl,o h,,,
almost blubbered. Boston Transcript.
A wife who had been lecturing her hus-
band for coming home intoxicated became in
censed at his Indifference and exclaimed,
"Oh, that could wiring tears ofanguish from
your eyes!" To which the hardened wretch
hlc-coughed: "'Tai-taint no use to bo-bore
for water here
An old salt, when asked how far north be
had ever been, replied that he had been so far
north that "the cows. when nilked by red
hot stove, gave ice cream.'
"If you will consent to my marriage with
your daughter she shall be treated as if she
were an angel" "That isl was the matter
of fact reply, "in a short time she would not
have anything to wear
1t was Windham wife who, when her hus-
band was brought home intoxicated, thanked
God he was not blood relation.
"Do you love this girl better than you do
hel sister," was what Kansas clergyman
asked the young man who stood before him
to be made a husband.
A gentleman travelling in railway carriage
was endeavoring, with considerable earnest
ness, to impress some argument on a fellow
passenger who was seated opposite him, ana
who appeared rather dull of apprehension.
At length, being slightly irritated, he en-
claimed, in louder tone, ''Why, sir, it IS as
plain as A B C!' "That may be-" quietly re-
piled the other, "but am D E F.
Miss Flora Sharon, the daughter of the
western senator, is engaged to marry an En-
glishman, Sir Thomas Hesketh.
When a Mormon marries his wife's sister
he chuckles to think he has contrived to get
only one mother-in-law to two wives.
An Illinois editor returns thanks for CEN
tipede sent him by mail from Texas, it being
the first cent of any kind he had received for
several weeks.
a Kansas paper ends marriage notice in
this way: ''The couple left for the east on
the night train, where they intend in future
| to reside
1t is claimed by some medical men that
smoking weakens the eyesight Maybe it
| does, but lIst see how it strengthens the
| breath.
1t is calculated that three-ftths of the earth
is water. Now, if one of the other fifths was
free lunch, and the remaining Ole whisky,
some men would consider this world superior
| to heaven.
George Francis Train says that funding the
national debt sis slavery Oh unborn babes"
Let us remark to the unborn babes, in the
language of the late lamented VIM. M.Tweed.
''What are you going to do about lt?"
/ A NiSSer SnOt
CHICAGO, Oct. l2.-The Times Evansville,
nd.,special says: AT Rockpot negro named
Willis Pool was shot dead by Dennis Schoen-
! field for speaking insultingly of lady who
wore Hancock badge. 1t is also reported