The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-02-21

No bald headed man was ever con-
verified by serman during tho fly
season.
When man is out Of money any
change that may come to him is for
the better.
The old saying Is, "throw physie
to the dogs" but where will you fluid
a dog that will touch it?
However young couple may play
their cards before marriage, they
generally play at cribbage afterwards
Doctor -"You must give up drink
ing or loose your appetite entirely"
Patient-"Farewell, appetite"
Only bit of lemon peel, only )
fingers of rum, only some water and
sugar, and the rest you know; yum,
yum!
When he signs for her and she
times may be considered suspicious
for wedding,
A lover will often take whole
year to press his suit, when any tail
or would do it for him in less than +,
hour.
The difference between one man
and another is not much in talent as
in ability to get credit at clothing
store.
Should the people Of Lcadville
ever run short of bullet material, they
might start bullet crematory and
sift the ashes.
| The button on the back Of mans
shirt collar probably needs talking
to as much as any other inanimate
thing in the world.
mo, no." said he, explaining, II
wasn't really mad when the old man
drove me from tho house, but | must
say felt put out,
An intelligent compositor out West
made the queen Of the ball wear
pair of delicately- scandals
OF a BARRIERS shop that was form
erly law Office, the papers say that
people got shaved there just the same.
Did It ever occur to you that old
Mrs. Eve never had an opportunity
to tell her side of that Garden of
Eden story?
The fact that half barrel of k,is-
edness is frequently found in a two
quart boy, has never been explained.
! Wilkins is sure there are some per-
sons that it is not safe to hold out
the olive branch of peace to, unless
you have q club IN the other hand,
A young scapegracc threw a ball
at his sister, and hit her on the back
of the head so hard that tho bawl
came out of her mouth.
cat what age were you married?
she asked inqusitely. But the other
lady was equally responsive, and she
quickly replied, "At the parsonage"
Man may be the noblest work Of
creation, but he doesn't think about
it when, on hearing his name called
in the street, he turns and finds it is
only somebody calling his dog.
Scion was ono Of the seven wise
wise men of Greece. He never stop
ped to argue the case when his wife
told him to get up out Of his warm
bed and build fire in the kitchen
stove.
When Douglas Jcrold heard So
ciety bore speaking Of song that
always carried him away" when he
heard it, Jarold simply asked if some
one present would please to sing it.
Editors are generally poorly of for
clothing. When you hear Of one OF
them having two suits, You can call
culate that one of them is the suit no
wears every day and Sunday too, and
and Sunday too, and the other is
libel suit.
| Be patient Wait. Don't fret over
last Years ice bill. Scientists tell
us that in 100000 years ice I6 feet
thick will entirely enyelop this plan.
ct, and then the ice mans extortions
will end.
| A new made Granger ont in Him
| OILS said to his wife: Martha, we'll
have lots of pumpkins next year. |
planted forty; had to dig awful big
holes to put 'em in, though.
'srhe pleasantest way of being
hung" says contemporary, lis in a
hammock. The whole body is then
hung at once" The assertion is as
positive as though the writer had
tried both ways.
sDid You ever know such a me.
chanical genius as my sony ask
ed an old lady. HE has made
fiddle out of his own head, and he
has wood enough to make another"
"Dawkter," said an exquisite, the
other day, II want you to tell me
what I can put in my head to make
it right" cit wants nothing but
brains" said the physician.