The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-09-16
LADIES COLUMN.
Susan's Dark Horse.

Tue mIuSITCl, uSeU 10 call 'IdlS(
hearted crokay." At all events be
affections were of sufficiently indef
Dite quality to cause her two mos
favored visitors to look upon cac
other with the most vindIctive fee
Jugs common to hated rivals. Thes
gentlemen-who are respectively
city hall clerk, with eye glasses an
freckles, named Plif, and a re
headed dry goods manipulation cal
ed Diggs-occupied the interval
devoted to gloomily sitting eac
other out three evenings a week t
fruitless attempts to discover whic
of the two was really the comm
man in the matrimonial race, so t
speak.
Last Thursday night Miss Smif
fey, in response to a business-lik
ring, admitted a middIe-aged part,
with q black beard, and wearing
blue goggles and a long-taile(
ulster.
81 am taking the census, mum,
he said, opening the fiat book OIL
the piano and getting out som,
blanks, Gust look sharp, please
and answer the necessary ques
tons"
Miss Smiley trembled q little, al
women always do for some reason
when talking to a government Off
Ger, and said she'd try.
Lem me see-your name i!
Smiffey,I believe-first namew
"SUsan."
middle name?"
Haven't got any, Sir"
"COme now, young woman, nc
prevarication. Are you sure you
haven't got a middle name some.
where, and you are trying to con.
ceal it"
"No, sir, indeed 1 haven't" said
the young lady, turning very pale
81 would not deceive you"
you'd better not, mum. The
penalty is twenty-five years at hard
labor"
"Gracious mer'
"Fact, mum. Now, then, let's
see what's next. All! yes-how of
ten married."
"Not once yet"
"Ahem! Going to be, s'pose?
Been asked, eh?'
"Oh, yes, sir; several times"
"Call it six times" said the CEN
sus man, making an entry. whats
next! All, yes-is your back hair
false?"
''M-m-must answer that?"
"Of course you must. Don't tri-
file with the United States govern
ment, mum. Come now"
"Well, it's sorter; that is to say,
"That'll do; we'll call it Mixed
Teeth Sound?"
eyes, STRIP with much emphasis.
'Don't get excited. Let's see
pll put your age down as 25. The
United States never allows us to
axe a woman's age on oath. They
will lie, can't help 1t, guess"
'Pm just is. don't care wheth-
T the government likes it or not"
aid the citizeness snappishly.
"Of course, of course; they all
ay that. Pay attention, please.
What size corset?"
"Eh?"
"Must answer, mum. Remember |
he penalty. How many inches
round the waist?'
"Well if you must know, 16. But |
think It's just shame"
mo remarks, if you please
Ahem2 We will call it 10. They |
generally throw off about three
inches, 1 find. Size of shoeT'
"Two-but l can wear one and
-"
"Tll return you as alNo. 4. That
S about what 'threer' always says.
Any beaux?"
"W-w-what?"
Il say, any beaux2 And be very
,areful about your answer, mum.
The Washington authorities are
-ery particular on this point. Has
to do with the next cen
us, you see. Now, how many
''Well-of course there are some
coming here-and-"
"Of course there are. I've got
7ou down in the good looks space
Is "A. a. l. l. handsome So of
course you have plenty of admirers.
All the government requires, how
fhn Y,ri pirNol nnn -
"Well," said the young lady,
modified, there's Jimmy
PliG, and Tom Diggs, and"
"Hold up, right there? Which
IF 'em do you intend to marryr
said the enumerator of population
"Oh, neither of them. There's
Ihem there's a splendid gentle
nan named ScvdhS.Iy--Charies
5cudberry-perhaps you know him?
lie has big brown wh;skers and |
beautiful curly hair, and
Ana 10 these-these other gen
.lemen-Plff and Diggs-know Of
he eXistence-Cf this-this fellow, !
Scudberry?"
"Oh, MOI I'm too smart for that. |
[ just tag them along to bay ice
,Ueam and caramels, and take me TO |
.he theatre. It's the biggest fun
Charlie knows all about it, and calls |
the-the-oh, yes, the dark |
lorser'
"Oh, he does, does hew roared |
.ho census man, jerking off his wig |
and goggles and revealing the en-
aged features Of Mr.. Thos. Diggs. !
Il wish him joy IF his bargain, and |
III give him just SIX months to get /
. divorce from the most two faced /
title cat on the Pacific Coastr /
And he banged the door like a pile
lrjver behind time as he stalked !
'ut-I san Francisco Post.
The Girls - T.--r Rra--h