St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-05-14
SQuibs.

"Dear at any price !" yelled the hun
CRY traveller who ordered venison for
dinner.
81 die content" said the fly in the
bakers dough; somebody will take
me for currant."
care there people on Mars ~ asks an
exchange. We don't know; but assum-
ing for the sake of argument that there
are, is it your opinion that they use
OleomargaIine or cow butter 2-[N Y.
Commercial.
If Seth Green will invent boneless
shad all his previous efforts in the line
of pisciculture will be completely over
shadOwed.
"If you grasp a rattlesnake firmly
about the neck he cannot strike you,"
says Western paper. "To be perfect
ly safe," remarks the Elmira Free Press,
sit will be we'll to let the hired man do
the grasping."
Instead of wearing paper shirts, with
stock at present prices, we shall have to
fall back on silk velvet Syracuse
Times.
An erring citizen of Fort Wayne,
while fishing on a recent Sunday, had
III ICII lHlO IIC WdJcI anu WIS uTOWUCu.
Moral: Never have fit while fishing.
-[Albany Argus.
The trouble with California seems to
be that too many missionaries have
passed beyond it to wrestle with people
who are orderly and ell-behaved.-
Detroit Free Press.
Teacher-NOw, johnny, if Willie
should hurt you, like good boy you
would forgive him, wouldn't you 7 John
ny-Yes, ma'am, if couldn't catch
him.
The Detroit papers are sagely dis
cussing the question, "Where a boy
should be spanked" We don't know
where they should be spanked in these
days, but we do know where they were
spanked few years ago. 1t is impOs-
sible for our recollection to forget her.
self in a matter of this kind Atlanta
Constitution.
The New Haven Register soliloquizes
thus: "When young gentleman gets
his lips hardened SO that he PLAYS a
cornet little too well for fish cart,
and not quite we'll enough to lead brass
band, he sits by his open window and
blows through the crooked brass a
weird, wild miserere that affects
the neighbOrs to anguish and makes
them wish they had been born with
valves in their ears"
Suddenly, and without a moments
warming" says an exchange, "the plank
broke and the unfortunate carpenter
fell to the ground below" Well, now,
what would you expect of a plank
| WOull van aYnact If tn Ui ua yuarn;no, .
"Look out, everybody; can't stand the
pressure much longer, and if this blam-
ed carpenter don't get often me, he'll
get his head busted !" Would you ex-
pect common tws-ineh plank to dc
that? The things absurd.
Little Harold, five years old, became
angry with his mother a day or two
ago. He told her he did not love he
and wished she would 60 away. At las
he said: "Mamma, am going to kill ;
bull next fall and won't let you hav,
/ bit of dried beef, fresh meat or corn
ed beef. l won't give you any of it,.
At night when undressing him she said
Harold, do you think you did righ
getting so angry with mamma ~ H
made no reply, but kneeling by her sid
to say his prayer, he began in a yer
7 hurried way, "Now lay me down t
sleep, pray my Lord my soul to keep
, and it die before wake pray M
J. Lord my soul to take. Mamma you ca
$ have the bull. God bless papa, mann
q ma, Clifton and the baby. For Jusu
sake. Amen" Getting up frem hi
o knees he added, 'Mamma, you can hay
e every bit of that bull.n +