New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-08-25
Colonel SOlon's Wedding Present.


1--WE ben thinkin' to-day" said
Colonel Scion, as he came into the
Derrick office yesterday, "of my old
chum Joe Blinker. You never knowed
him.. Nc an him were cronies in the
army, an we were the best O. friends
for nigh On twenty years, til he mar
ried the old maid johnson. That
kinder split the thing an we amt spoke
SINCE"
"You shouldn't have dropped the &C.
quaintance just because he got married,
Colonel
"Oh, didn't dropit. 'Twa'n't me,
but twas all along of q present I sent
'em. Ye see a few weeks afore the
weddin' Joe come to me an SCI he,
Colonel, l knows as how yer goin' to
give me some sort of present. OF
course SEE I. An, continues Joe,
'ef it's all the same, Jest. yer give us
suthin useful instead o ornamental; or
ye might make it useful as we'll rs orna-
mental seZ he. 'Only don't give us
any gimcracks all hifalutins wat don't
do any good
"Joe;'' SEE I, I'm do 'er. Yer SEN
sible to the last
"This was afore I wuz married, yer
know, and l wuz jest as ignorant of
wimmen kind as a monkey is of Italyun
opery. But thinks l to myself, it must
be suthin' ornamental as we'll as useful,
al I was bound to fill the bill. stud.
led on that present for a whole week,
and dreamed of it at night. I started
oncet to buy Joe boot-jack, all paint
ed over with yaller and red, an then
thinks l oughter git suthin' for the
bride instid of Joe. At last I hit it.
Miss johnson was skinny and old; so
old she'd lost all her upper teeth. I
saw her latf one day when went along
with Joe to see her, an that ar vacancy
below her upper lip, like hole where
board 'ad been knocked off a barn,
jest jagged the idee right inter nv
head. l got the most beautiful set O.
teeth yer ever saw. Nice ivory sot in
gold. Joe SEE l to myself, sJoe,'
I've hit it; useful as we'll as orna-
mental"
WAL, when the day sot for the mar
rage cum on, I had the rheumaticks
an couldn't 60. But I'd got big
card printed with The biggest letters in
the printin' office, Compliments of
Colonel Scion to the Bride,'' along the
top, an then 1 tied on the teeth in the
middle Of the card, an Jest below I
put this 'er bit of sentiment in big let
tiers, which l writ myself:
Natur abhors a vacancy, ~. ...5
But tits our Joy still
To know that peoples toothless gums
dentists art can fill.
tho't twas ve1y neat sentiment,
an l repeated it over to myself sev'ral
times. Well, yer see, I sent that card
up, and the boy stuck it right up in the
middle of the table just as the cere-
mon,y was bein' performed, an yer
could have read those letters clear
across the room. The minister saw 'em,
an he jest stopped for a sekund, an
then went on as if he weren't sartain
of the words, an somebody kinder
snickered, an the bride looked around,
an she saw it, an'-waal they dew say
she broke rite off, an tore that air kard
inter five hundred pieces, an chuoked
the teeth out the back door, an
mighty nigh broke up the weddin'."
"An' that's why Joe's family an
mine don't hitch; though, sakes alive,
he didn't get present that day that
'ud have improved the appearance of
bis household SO much as them air
| teeth.-On City Derrick.