River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1880-07-15
A STORY OF CRISWELL.
How He Oyerawed the street Con-
ductor who Was About to Bounce
Bnrdette in Burlington Hawkeye.

Buriette in Burlington Hawkeye.
Last summer Mr.. Theodore Cook, a
banker of Cincinnati, gave little dim
ner party to friends at the Queen City
club, the guests being A. T. Goshorn of
centennial memory, Gen. Andy Hlck-
enlooper, lieutenant governor of OHIO,
and some others of less note. They
ate, drank and were merry, and cared
not that time flew and money was
twelve per cent. The hour was late
when the services were at length con-
cluded, and half an hour later, Criswell,
on his way home from the office, board
ed street car which was crowded to
the platform, and the tired humorist
stood outside with the other people,
Just as though he wasn't rich enough to
own a street car of his own. The driver
was also tired, utnot being humorist,
he was likewise cross, and as soon as
he saw Criswell leaning comfort
ably up against the brake hand
le, which alternately pinched his
back and jabbed his ribs, he roughly or
cred him to go inside and hang himself
up by one of the unsatisfactory straps.
AS every strap was occupied by two
men, so as water couldn't have passed
through the crowd, Criswell said he
didn't care to 20 inside; that he wanted
to stand on the platform and look at
the scenery The driver didn't attempt
to smother his wrath, but ordered the
journalist to go inside or get off. Still
the man who laughed and made other
people laugh refused to go, and the
driver, big, burly ruffian, made ready
to put him off, and matters began to
look serious. The other passengers
frightened up with that expression of
cheerful and eXpectant interest they
always assume when there is any pros
pect of fellow-man getting thunder
ing good licking, and the paragrapher
began TO think there was every chance
in the world for him to be made hor-
rible example of, and he hated the pros
pect most awfully. Something had to
be done, and their wasn't much time in
which to do it. The reporters training
stood him in good stead. One quick
glance through the car showed him
there was no one present who knew
him.
"Come, young fellow shouted the
driver, INSIDE, or I'll bounce you clear
across the street.
MY man." he said with dignified Sc
verify, "you don't know who | am; but
I've had my eyes on you for several days.
There are too many conductors like you
on the road, and we are losing friends
every day because our patrons are in
suited by conductors who are Doors and
rulfians Now You can pull the bell
cord and let me off. But you need not
take the car out tomorrow; there will
be man to take your place. When you
take the car in tonight turn over your
bell-bunch and ask for your time That
will settle it.
The humorist swung himself off the
car and walked away, the conductor
staring at him in blank, speeches. dis
may, while the passengers seemed to
think they had just seen the president
of the Cincinnati Consolidated Street
Railway Company, and they cheerfully
assured the conductor that he had made
the mistake of his life Criswell had
noted the face of the conductor and the
number of the car, and the next day he
waited for the same car and when he
got on, sure enough there was Il new
conductor.
Where is the conductor who was on
yesterday" Robert asked, as he paid
his fare
"Oh," the new man said, springing
the bell-punch, ''the blamed fool tried to
bounce director last night and he got
fired. .