The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-06-03
CITIZEN SALAD.

S0u9S VIC PAo1iOALH VI buab puHg VI
ganization smacks of reputation.
He is in favor of plenty of green
backs, hasn't any particular fond
ness for national banks, and can
hear bondholder abused without
making wry face; but when it
comes to riding shoulder to
shoulder with a set of political high
wavmen who favor the 'stand and
deliver" policy with the creditors of
the state, he bushes, bows, and
gracefully backs out. Bravo, Mr..
Tillman.
We think some of the leading
papers of the state are favoring Col.
Johnny-jump-up H. Savage with a
deal of gratuitous advertising. Can
nonading a cockroach is a poor
business, yet that is precisely what
too many influential journals are
doing in the ColonePs case. Pom
derous editorial missiles hurled at
man whose intellectual and moral
dimensions can be covered with a
five cent piece, and whose soul
would find abundant space for its
cavortings in the skin of whortle-
berry, while they do not injure him
in the least, have the effect of draw
ing upon him the eyes of thousands
of people who would otherwise new
er be able to distinguish him from
fly speck.
Young men of Giles county, if
you desire to ameliorate the condi-
ton of your fellow-beings, to spare
your friends and relatives many a
pang, and to prevent remorse from
gnawing at your vitals when age
creeps on apace, never write poetry
especially on the subject of Spring
Let poor S. attend to her manifold
duties without interruption, and
should you feel an inclination to
run your clammy fingers through
your hair, and evolve from your
heated brain a string Of stanzas that
will rattle like bird shot on barn
floor, desist abruptly then and there.
But if the feeling is too strong to be
overcome and you are convinced that
it is your destiny to infllct misery
upon mankind by spewing metri-
cal mush, by ali means send your
illusions to the Nashville Banner.
That amiable journal publishes
original poetry by the yard, without
money and without price.
A few southern and western con-
gressmen are trying to work up
presidential boom for Mr.. w. r.
Morrison, of Illinois, the person
from the west who was such a
bright and shining failure as chair
man of the Committee on Ways and
Means of the 44th Congress. Mr..
Morrison has two qualifications,
and only two, we believe. for the
presidential office-he tells a raw
Joke well and he swears huently in
several different languages. Once
seated in the chair of Washington
he would keep the cooks and scul~
lions of the White House in a roar,
and entertain the diplomatic corps
with pyrotechnic displays of west
ern profanity, AS Mr.. Morrison's
boom hasn't a very thunderous
sound as yet and seems to be rather
slow in starting of, we will give a
sample of his humor to push it
along. During the 44th congress
the chaplain of the House was the
Rev. Townsend, OF Virginia, an
Episcopal clergyman. The only
service required of this gentleman
was to open the House every morn
ing with short prayer, and he per.
formed it punctually, wearing over
his ordinary dress the white gar
ment called the surplice. When
Mr.. Townsend's official career drew
to a close, he became a candidate
for reelection and one of his friends,
approaching Mr.. Morrison, solic-
tied his vote: mo, sir" replied the
elegant gentleman from Illinois,
''Pll be id if vote for any man
who says his prayers in his shirt
tail"
If you don't think the object of
the census is to find oat all about
your history, just wait until the
enumerators reach your domicile,
will you? Each of these gentlemen
carries a black book as big as a
cellar door in which are towering
columns of questions, all of which
must be answered without the
slightest hesitation or delay, as he
is always in hurry. You will be
required to tell the hour, day and
date of your grandfather's birth,
his sex, if he had any; the color of
his eyes, his exact age when born
and the condition of his health at
the time of his death. Then the
same questions,a a hundred more,
perhaps, will be asked about your
grandmother, your mother-in-law,
your uncles, your cousins, your
aunts, your sisters, your brothers,
your servants, and in every IN
stance you must give speedily the
places of their birth, their exact
ages to the hour and minute, the
condition of their health if living,
their whereabouts if dead, as well
as any other valuable information
COnCCi niuH LuSlL AdOlOo, OShP Ci3
ment and general appearance that
may flash through your mind at the
moment. But the interesting part
comes in when your own immediate
family is reached. You are requir-
ed to state on oath whether your
wife is a male or female; whether
she looks like her mother, or re-
sembles her father; whether she is
housekeeper, lawyer, farmer or
doctor; whether she is older than
yourself or younger than she looks
to be; why and when you met her,
your object in marrying her, and
whether she Is in good
health, and if not, why not. You
are literally riddled with interroga-
tories concerning your children, il
you have any, and 1t Is to be hoped
you havne't. If your youngest child
is boy baby fourteen months old
you are requested to state truth
fully, on pain OF being indicted
for perjury, whether he can read or
write, and if SO where he got his
education and what induced him to
do it. You must also give his
height, weight, the color of his eyes
and hair, his peculiarities OF tenn