The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1880-09-11
FUNNYGRAPHS.


IT generally takes two to make quar-
rel, but very often one mother-in-law i
sufficient.
OUR friend Jones frequently tells ~
ideas fitting through his mind. Idegs
find nothing IN Jones mind TO ohstruc
their fits
"TREAT women like splendid flow
er, says Bob Ingersoll. $50 ] do.
have planted mine, says a widower who
, has buried three wives.
IT is now conceded that it is the broth.
: er In the neighboring pew who carries
off the palm. OSHKOSH Christian 1d,g-
: cate.
; THE last valse but four-time 2.35
A. NJ. Wife of his Bosom" Don't keen
looking at your watch, Algyl One
would think you were in church. -
London Pt0lcH.
DEAF lady: "What's his name ?"
Young lady: "AugUstus Tyler. HE
deaf lady: Bless me, what nane,
Busthis Biler !! Eliza, you must be
making fun of me"
DEADwOoD miner played base hal
with a can of nitro-Glyccrine Just To
show his companions that he was not
afraid of it. The only trace of him WIS
hole in the ground.
"CANADIAN hcmlock forests are being
rapidly destroyed for their bark. Why
not destroy a few dogs There Is Us
much bark III a dog MS there is i'll for
est.-Nc,c Harcn Register.
THE bathing suits worn by the bows
along the river fronts are very simple
and inexpensive. II consists of walof
cotton in each ear.-Thii0. Chronicle
Hcr0id.
Bon INGERsoLL still sticks To ms
phrase: Treat women like splendid
flower. But she does not want 10 be-
spnnkled with hellebore to keep off the
bugs.
CUSTOMER Waiter, this fllet 81
turbot is not as good as that Of last SUI
day" Waiter -''Oh, sir, excuse me-.
you are mistaken. 1t is of thevcry same
fish"
INSPECTOR (who has called to see the
gas meter)-"Is yours a wet or dry
meter, MADAME" Young wife (who does
not like to show ignorance -"WeIl, it
is rather damp, I'm afraid
"STT down, said handsomely dressed
and viyacious young lady to compan
ion, at a fashionable watering place
" SIT down; it's the only thing you can
do here without being obliged to pay for
it. i"
NATURAL religion: Bishop (rcprovug
delinquent pagc)-'' Wrctchcd boy! Who
is it that sees and hears all we do. and
before whom even | am but as a crushed
worm Pagc-"Thc missus. my
, lord. '-LOndOH PUnch.
is the train behind time?" inquired
a gentleman Mt the station. Ono, SURF,
replied the porter, "it's not behoind
time, SURF, bat its just bchoind the
bridge beyant there "-Bo&t0a Truu-
script
IT is learned from the Salt Lake M
: aid that Calico discovered Limhurgw
cheese floating through space in 1909
and made an entry in his diary ut the
time that he thought it in a very poor
state of preservation.
THE song 81 am weary, tonight, love
without you, was composed by a party
whose wife had left him to take care #
the children, while she went to the the
atre with one of the neighbors. Boston
G}Obc
(Which Is the more delicate sense
feeling or sight @ asked a professor in
Columbia College. Feeling, respond
ed a student. "Give a proof Of it, with
an example, " said the professor. "Well,
my chum can feel his moustache, hut
nobody else can see it, said the student
Yvo may sing Of ham and mutton and veal
And 90 your last dollar PIE;
you may talk Of cake of every sort,
And oysters NAV Just fin your eye,
10 a mi ma m fpplp
And carry smile that is silk,
just let him sit down and give him a chance
At old-fashioned pudding and milk.
"A KINGSTON man cured the Chlls
and fever by swallowing live hop toad
Ask your druggist for it. None genuine
unless name of the proprietor is engray-
ed on the toad; purely vegetable; con
talns no mercury; and is superior to all
others. -NOrrisfo3cn Hcraid.
LAST week Bible agent sat down ut q
farmers table out west, played euchre
with the old man and won a yoke Of
four-year- steers from him, and then
made him buy eight dozen Bibles and
sixteen pounds of tracts to redeem his
steers
COMMISSIONER: Odd YOU hear the
whistle of the boat YOU ran down
Pilot: "Heyi" Commissioner: odd
you hear the whistle Of the boat YOU ran
DOWN." Pilot: Ono sir. Commis.
sioner: "Why not?" Pilot: "Coz I'm
def "--Puck.
NEVER go back Oh your ulster. II Is
a life preserver in more ways than one,
A man out west who was in danger OF
being run over by a train of cars, pulled
off his ulster and threw it In front Of the
train In the nick of time. The train was
thrown from the track and the mans
life was saved.-ROn1c Sentinel
GOLD woman, how do You sell beets2
asked a New Orleans hummer of an oId
vegetable woman in the French market
Looking at him from head to foot, SHE
replied: even hat some like you vas /
sell them two for a cent abicce. VA
orleans Times.
A GROCER who excited the Ire Of one
of his customers by presenting at his
house a bill for goods rendered. was
waited on soon after by a daughter u
the debtor, who said, 81 wish yau
wouldn't come with the bill when papa
at hOme-it makes him nervous to pc
dunned.
A DOCTOR tells with pardonable prlde
how, being called in at the debut Of NE
career to a consultation with an eminent
prince of science, he had insisted, despite
the opinion of his famous senior, that tHt
patient had an incurable affection OF the
i Il. ~ 81