Richland beacon., 1880-02-21
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.

The beat thing out is bad cigar.
Isn't it?
WASHINGTON is D. c. tful place
Exchange. That's Capital joke.
In the midst of life We are in daily
receipt of the Congressional Record.
A TEN-CENT ante is better than no re.
latiOn at all.
LEADvILLB is called . young town
because its inhabitants are mostly
miners.
CLEorATRA's NEEDLE il the only
needle that people show . disposition
to sit down on.
It's the same with men a. with eggs:
You can't tell whether they are good or
bad till they're broke.
LET our Indian policy be: Nothing
for Tribe Utes, but millions for de-
fense." - Whitehall Times
NEXT to handkerchief, there il
nothing in the world that gets 50 many
blows rs q street lamp.
A DOLLAR is always in good quarters,
summer or winter. but hang the twenty.
cent pieces.
A POET sings, "The heart must beat
or die" 1t is precisely the same way
with tramp, you have noticed.-Rock-
Ioad Courier
PoET-" DO you want any of my
blank verse;" "No, We don't want any
of your - verse;" says the editor.
Mr.. BYRON was once knocked upAt
an unconsciOnable hour in the morning
by friend. "Ah," he said, "a rose
two hours later would have been quite
as sweet"
| LIBERAL ENOUGH.-Rev. Stranger,
pointing to the Madison Avenue Garden
:" What church is that, my ladf'
NewsbOy-" Go-as-you-please church,
sir. Have paperr'-Puck.
DOMESTIC economy in these days con
sists in growing about the price
flour at home, and because your friend
won't take "another one" while you are
down street.
A MAINE editor was paralyzed while
sitting in church last Sunday, and an
esteemed contemporary thinks the
novelty of the situation was too much
for him.
ORANGES sell on the streets of Lake
City, Florida, at from fifty cents to one
dollar per hundred. And alligators,
snakes and such fruit can be had for
the asking.s
The following conversation took place
recently in q hotel: "Waiter?" eyes.
sir" whats thisT "It's bean soup,
sir" No matter what it has been, the
question is-what is it nowr
WILLUM-" Not quite 80 active a.
you wus twenty years ago, Tummas"
Tummas-" No, Ihaint, Willum; find
! carnt run score lately, but if ony.
body asks me to ave drink, l jumps at
the hotter" Fun.
CAN you hold . pretty girl on your
lap and not kiss her? Then you are
something moro than human.-Hartford
Sunday Journal. Send on your pretty
girls, if you want to behold super-human
efforts.-New York Nevs.
JOHN MORRIssEY's widow saws she
taught him all he ever knew, and when
we remember how many tricks he had
with that ugly left hand, one can't help
but admire the woman he left behind
him.-Detroit Fres Prcss.
WIFE Ito her husband, who is eating
juicy roast with great relish )-"Fof
Heavens sake, We have forgotten that
this is fast day" Husband (sulkily)
=" You might have waited at least till
was through"
ELDER sister Ito little one who ap-
pears to take great interest in Mr..
SkibbOns)N -" Come, little pet, it is time
your eyes were shut in s1eep." Little
petc"I think not. Mother told me
to keep my eyes open when you and
Mr.. Skibbons were together.
WHEN you see young man in gor.
geous apparel walking about the street
with his arms hanging in curves from
his body like the wings Of an overheated
turkey on a summers day, it isn't be.
cause he is in pain. 1t is because he
has been Abroad" and that's the only
thing he learned.
THERE is closer connection between
good sense and good nature than is COM
nOn,v supposed.
Miss JENNIE BURD1cK, the pretty
eighteen-year-old lass who several yesrs
ago elOped with Russian naval officer
from San Francisco il now wearing
widows weeds at st. PetossburR. Her
husband left the navy, and died at a
French port while in charge Of 4 ves,el
bound to the United States, whore the
wife buried him and then returned 70
the Russian capital.