The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-12-17
The Patient Sick Man.

pillows under his head; '.now can die
looking out upon the trees and sky"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke assumed a re-
signed expression of visage. and gazed
out of the corner of one eye upon bare
ailanthus tree and q half-dOzen tele-
graph wires.
s'Oh!' you won't die,'' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. cheerfully. you're only
a little sick, and you'll get over it,
That's all you know about il"
snarled Mr.. Spoopendyke. ITO hear
you talk one would think you only
had to be fitted up with little beds
and bad smell to be Government
hospital. I'm down sick tell We. and
don't want any fooling about it.''
'::Well, WE'LL" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, ''don'texcite yourself. Keep quiet
and you'll get well.''
''Much you'd care" muttered Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning on his side and
resting his cheek on his hand, an
attitude generally assumed by mar
tyred spirits on the approach of disso-
luton.
'Will you take your drops again,
dear?'' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''It's
time for Them"
mo, I won't. They're nasty. I
haven't had anything but drops for
week. From the way you administer
drops one would think you was the trap
door of hanging machine. Gimme
some figs"
'But there amt any figs, dear. I'll
60 and get you some, said Mrs. Spoop-
epdyke.
That's it," growled her husband.
''You only want an excuse to leave me
to die alone. Why haven't ye got some
figs? You might know I'd want figs.
Got any citron?''
mo, 1 haven't any citron, but l won't
be more than a minute away, and I'll
get you any fruit you want"
''Oh! yes. You'd get it, 1 have no
doubt. What you want is rail fence
around and gate off the hinges to be q
dod gasted orchard. Fetch me some
strawberries.
.'Why. strawberries are out of season.
There amt any in the market now"
Il supposed you'd say that" moaned
Mr.. Spoopendyke. you've always
got some excuse. If should die, you'd
have an apology ready. Gimme some
thing to take this taste out of my
mouth
What would you like, my dear?"
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Soap, dod CAST it. Gimme soap, if
We can't think of anything else," de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke. '.Mebbe
you amt got any soap. At least, you
wouldn't have if I wanted it. Got any
cherries?"
'.No; they are out of season, too.
There are some grapes in the closet"
"Don't want any measly grapes. If
can't have what I want, don't want
it. Where's those drops? Why don't
you gimme my medicine? Going to let
me die for want of little attention?
Want the life insurance, don't ye?
Going to gimme those drops before the
next eIection?''
Mrs. Spoopendyke ladled out the
dose, half of which went down Mr..
Spoopendyke's gullet and half over the
front of his night-shirt.
That's right" he howled. "Spill
'em. They're for external application.
Put 'em anywhere. Pour 'em up the
chimney" and Mr.. Spoopendyke fired
the spoon across the room.
"IIave a piece of orange to take the
taste away?' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke,
pleasantly.
mo, WON'T" objected her spouse,
"Gimme piece of muskmelon.'
81 don't believe they have musk
melons in November" sighed Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"Of course they DON'T" responded
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "They don't have
anything when I'm sick. It's a wonder
they have houses. It's a miracle that
they have beds. I'm astounded to
think they have doctors and drug
stores. I've got to hurry up and die,
or they won't have any urdertakers. or
collins, or graves. Gimme piece of
orange, will ye? 'Spose I'm going to
lie here and chaw on the taste of those
drops for month";
"You'd like those grapes" suggest
ed his wife.
"No, wouldn't, either. What do
you want me to eat 'em for? Got any
interest in the grape trade? Got any
commission on those grapes? Any
body pay We to make me eat 'em? One
would think you only wanted an iron
arbor and four small boys climbing over
you to be a grape vine. Where's my
pill?''
"You took your pill, DEAR" replied
his patient wife.
'Oh. of course! A pill is out of sea-
son now. Can't even have pill when
feel like it, and Mr.. Spoopendyke
groaned in spirit and booked dismal.
"Now, sit down and don't move. !
want to sleep. Don't you make bit
of noise, if you want me to live"
And Mrs. Spoopendyke held her
breath and never rushed a feather
while her husband lay and glared out of