The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-03-19
QUIPs.

Is chiropodist corn-sheller?
oRs-Brakemen.
PRESSED for time-Mummies.
SPRING halt-May 81, midnight.
A CoRN.DoDGER-The man who wears
big boots.
UNEASY sits the man that dimes with
the Gar.
The electric currant goes for nothing
in jelly.
WHEN soldier is i'll he becomes
six-shooter.
To STOP a man from talking--Cut
his said off,
MANY calf will be cowhided if it
lives long enough.
YOU may enjoy bad cigar if you give
1T to your enemy.
MANY high-minded schoolgirl dis
dams vulgar fractions.
A DEFUNcT Indian may be dangerous
because he is Lo dead.
The conductor who can keep himself
unspotted will grow rich.
A 3 CENT stamp becomes sent stamp
after you have mailed your letter.
A RIVER is called sheet of water be-
cause it is spread out over the bed.
KRUPP cares not who makes the laws
SO long as he makes the cannon.
MELANCHOLY inquiry by the Gear of
Russia-Will you save the pieces when
/ am gone?
The trouble with the midnight cat
is not so much that it cannot sing as
that it firmly believes it can.
The rooster crows when the egg is in
cubated, because he knows the hen
likes to have her ley set to music.
The latest new book is entitled, "A
Woman After ALL" This should be
sufficient to put bachelor on his
guard.
"DUTY stares me in the face" said
the deacon when the Custom House
officers caught him smuggling dozen
gloves.
A CIRCUS never runs too long for
spectators, but let sermon run over
forty minutes and congregation can't
sit still.
WHY is the vowel /" o" the only one
sounded? Because all the others are
inaudible.
"TENNYsoN spends hours on single
line" And so, by the way, does his
washerwoman.
A MAINE paper speaks of a prayer re-
Gently offered before the Legislature of
that State as spicy and full of practi-
cal suggestions"
AN infant boy in Webster county,
KY, has six fingers on each hand.
Won't he be terror to bartenders when
he grows up.
The house-fy, if in good health,
can lay 10000 eggs in a season. The
Danbury Nelcs thinks it q pity fly
can't be grated on hen.
IT cannot be expected that decision
of the United States Supreme Court
can be obtained in minute. When a
case goes mp there it goes to Waite.
The Frenchman who attended fox
hunt was asked where the meet came
off. Having been thrown, he replied
tha.it came of his hands aud knees.
SCHooLBoY with big apple. Another
boy without any: "Oh, Bill! give US
bite, won't yep No, / won't" Well,
then, give me the CORE" H'ml HIM!
tell you there amt going to be any
core"
EVERYTHING in nature INDUCES in
amusement. The lightning plays, the
wind whistles, the thunder rolls, the
snow flies, the waves leap, and the fields
smile. Even the buds shoot, and the
rivers run.
WHEN the Russian Gear heard the
Earring and rumbling under his dining
room, he smiled sort of sickly smile,
and, turning to Gen. Karotidoffski, who
was by his side, simply remarked: "The
villain still pursues me-"
BERTIE had half biscuit buttered,
and whole one unbuttered. He gave
Oracle the whole one, and kept the but
tered. A remark being made about his
giving away the larger piece, Oracle
said Yes, he gave me the biggerest,
and kept the butterest."
SMALL child (to youthful acquaint-
ance): "Ma says I must not play with
you, because my papa is an officer and
you are common children" Little
Brown lin a rage): Common chill
dren, indeed! Mamma says my papa is
bankrupt, and that he will always re-
main So"
BUTTER supposed to be 1000 years
old has been found in a peat bog in
Ireland" This may be an important
discovery, but it is not likely the vein
is large enough to alleviate one-fourth
of the distress in that country. What
is wanted now is for some person to
discover bread quarry and lode of
potatoes.
"WHAT is political scie ?" asks an
exchange. Political sciencel Political
sciencel Oh, yes; we see: When You
can make the people believe that you
can hold Office better than the man who
is in, and they have the confidence to
put you in his place. you have demon
strated about all there is In politlcal