Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-09-12
THE COLONEL,S BREECHES,
And Ho,v He Came to Get Them.

:
pantaloons. I'll tell you how I came to
have 'em. You know, we all know, that
it's downright relief to be able to
leave, even for day, the treadmil OFT
which we are compelled to grind our
daily bread Now. day in the woods,
where one can feel himself boy again,
ridiculous, absurd counterfeit though
it be, shakes the dust of the mill out Of
man, and freshens him amazingly. It's
like the summer rain to the flower by
the highway. It washes off the CRIME
and shines our faces with new radi-
ance. s.
"The -- Church Sunday School
had picnic, few days ago, up near
Broad Ripple, and as my head, like thatof
the oldclerkspoken Of by Oliver Wendell
Holmes, was an ,ant-hill of units and
tenths, I allowed myself to be persuaded
by my wife to fly figures for day and
go the picnic. So my wife-good, care
full helpmate- as it was to be aday in the
woods, advised against my wearing my
bestapparel, and I wore my short Office
jacket and my Office pantaloons,
smoothed and thinned in their widest
part by reason of their sedentary habits.
She said going for enjoyment, and my
old clothes would allow me the greatest
| liberty"
Here the Colonel heaved q deep sigh,
wiped the beaded perspiration from his
| brow, and continued
eft was lovely day CHATS what the
| ladies call it), and I had no sooner ar
rived on the grounds than I felt inspired
to do all manner of absurd things. The
balmy air, the whispering trees, the
heavenly sky, all invited. Not absurd
things for young people to do, but alb
surd and preposterous for sedate, eld-
erly 200-pounder. Soon after arriving
on the ground found fence to climb.
remembered when I was boy I could
put my hand on top Of a seven-rail fence
and go over-just like knife. I
thought would try it again there was
nobody about I put my hand on the
fence, one, two, three, and over! AS I
went over I heard an ominous rip in the
vicinity Of my pantaloons. I put my
hand behind me. MY worst fears were
confirmed"
Here the Colonel sighed and again
went on:
"I made up my mind to go and find
some place where I could be quiet and
inconspicuous. reclimbed the fence,
this time slowly and with great caution,
and, walking back, spread myself care
fully at the base Of a magnificent beech.
thought it was an elm at first, but my
wife said afterward that it was beech.
I had been there but two minutes before
one of the infant classes of the Sunday
school, The Cleaners, [ believe came
where was, and a very pretty little
girl asked me to please help them put
up swing. I had to tell the little ones
that I couldn't do it-that I was very
busy-to go and get Snyder or Robin
son. 3,
"Out of that difficulty, when here
comes along bevy of maidens Of The
Truth Seekers class to beg me help
them fix Copenhagen rope. I told the
little dears that I was very much en-
gagged was busy VERY sorry = but
couldn't go. A few minutes later the
young ladies' Bible class came that way
looking for man to plant croquet set.
"sHere's Col. Blank I they all shouted
Just the man /
Gentlemen, I have faced danger in
the imminent and deadly breach-but
this was during the war. I felt that /
was lost man. I felt myself growing
pale, my legs and hands trembled, when
luckily an idea came into my head I
told them in voice torn with emotion
that was very sick man. and would
they please send my wife to me immedi-
ately.'
"I thought this would send them
away and give me Il opportunity to
Strategic, throw up Notifications, or
something. But it didn't. They all
stayed-al but one; she trooped off to
find nv wife while the others stood
around me Like ministering angels wait
ing for job.
"I closed my eyes and thought.
When Iopened them again. two minutes
| Later, saw my wife approaching, sup
ported on each side by male teachers of
the Sunday school, while the entire
school, in mournful procession, followed
after. II don't know anything after
that. I just tainted And that's the
way happen to have this pair Of panta-
| looms"
INDIAN VENGEANCE.
Some wood-choppers working near
Secret canon, New, being attracted by