The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1880-12-09
UNCLE RUBE.
,ilr sketsh ora Politics. Friend.

Wr;tisp Tor tile Chattanooga Times
% think you'd make good poll
7n2
20, Bud; ] can't believe that you'd
Ike good politician. bat you might
'ae very successful one. after a
dcfn fashion. Ina an old man.
ravo witnessed the collapse Of many
uc:a., political and religious
riends, and claim TO have some idea
II Inc ruguisite qualifications for the
occcssfui practice Of certain profes-
ioas. NJ opinions are based princi-
ads Upon experience and demOnstra-
son. having no time to deal with
l-ttics Goodness is the widest sphere
t virtue, ard il is an unheaithy at
|oospheic for politicians. No unclean
person can consistently worship at the
altar Of Goodness, AND politicians are
Ike the prieSts of Egypt during the
ujnsue Of lice in the days of the
I haraohs-they we're covered with
re1nia-hencC unclean-and dare not
pproach the affairs.
! once knew a lad whose character
.h,s would just about cancel yours,
'and with the exception of that ram
horn probescis which stands out ON
your physiognomy as an insult to
|nodesty, your features bear some
multitude to his. His name was Bill
Buags and he, like you, was fond of
| Ind habits and aheetionately devoted
t. deuess. lie was scbo0lmate of
niau and never came up with good
aln, bat he would always wire out
n his bad reeitations by saying the
5oaA was wrong, or the teacher had
De uae. lie never played fair at
Jhiag, bat would break up every
uae of marbles that he got into by
iadg.ag ever tie dead-line; and Pve
GEES aim hit squdrely in the back and
knocked 10 his knees in n game Of
.Iui ea, ind he would jump up and
81, that the ball never touched hun,
no re.use to 20 out. And he would
icav i with 50 mech vehemence and
aesu.ess that the boys would Goa
ctaAe tic Was right and let him go OF
81 HE play. He claimed f. be q grea
,hc,1cr to truth. and yet he was sci
dpfn known to tell the truth, eXcep
5y mistake; and never known to en-
Nst upon the right side of disputl
Xcept when he mistOok the Iight sid
for the wrong one. lie would commi
.tne trivial offense and go TO th,
cacher with tears ia his eyes and con
Tess i, saying that he couldn't do
r.d thing and keep it to himself; ant
yea that boy would do sume of tn
.Geauest tricks known to juvenile I'M
Quit{, and when detected in them h,
would stand up and proclaim his in
1 looonce with as much impudence ant
affected injury as Jim Blaine.
lie easily deceived his parents. Hi
mother believed that he was prodigy
She said folks enyied him because h
/ as 50 much better and so Ducl
narter than other lads in town; an,
she also predicted that he would be
come n great divine. Other peopl
n'ho knew Bill differed from hi
mother. They prophesied that h,
would come to the gallows, or be cal
| 4tt't 80 IL. AutlS II nC itaau lIbt CiSdBC'
IN politics, it is more than probabl
that the gallows would have had il
dues. But Bill cheated it. He wen
to the Legislature! He then accepted
Il bride from railroad corporation
md found out some members of tn
opposite party who had accepted brides
but sold out For more than he did, an,
re impcached them. No man rante
louder of corruption than Bill, and hi
constituents said that ne was the mos
honest and patriotic member Of tn
body They sent him back a secon
time, gave him the title of Col,
md called him tho ''coming man.
But he was not spared TO go higher
though fully capable. A membe
charged him with accepting bride
Bills honor was insulted, and ne cha
lenseI his opponent for redress. TIL
"atiair" came off, and Bill fell upOI
the iieid Of "honor." Thus he was Gu
off ike Il magnolia in half bloom.
Now, Bud, this is the career of on
of the most successful politicians {
my intimate acquaintanceship. Yo
have the ability to initiate him, but
cannot recommend you to do so if yo
have any aspirations for heaven.