Morris tribune., 1880-08-19
STARVING To WIN A WIFE.

-~0-~''
STARVING T0 WIN A WIFE.
e.. .a. MAJOR o'POssUM. ......
1t was July afternoon. Three men
sat on the veranda of the village hotel.
Their feet were Oh the balcony railing,
chairs were tilted back and they were
tanning themselves. s
These men were Judge Barron, County
Judge Parson Miller and Col. Gherkins,
retired militia officer, on no pay. Not
one OF them would see his fifCieth birth
day, for they had passed it. speaking
Of fasting, said the Judge, breaking a
long silence. -....-. t....
"Hasn't been mentioned" snarled the
Colonel. interrupting. a... t.
The Judge dropped his chair squarely
down on Its four legs. and looked saw
agely at The Colonel. The Colonel re-
turned the look and snapped his fingers
contemptuously.
"Dont be boysr' urged the minister
with smile. Ee smiled because lie
knew the fiery but harmless ways of the
gentlemen. sa ...u.r ......
"Well we are too old for this sort of
thing" said the Judge, leaning back
again. "But speaking G. fasting-L will
have il that way-reminds me of my at
tempt at suicide . 81 -,...~
''It was IN the papers, said Gherklns,
stopping his fanEing long enough to
glance sideways at the other.
cit was,' admitted the Judge, "but it
deesr's signify now, over twenty-five
years afterwards" =. i...fg..g. =:
t"Hdmphw grunted the Colonel.
~ was in lo7e, Doctor" and the Judge
turned his face towards the minister.
''That ig what he thought" observed
the Colonel, with q cackle, half cough
and half laugh. II #i#E8V f. II
s'Wlth a girl" continued Barron.
'Well added! cried Gherkins. Though
the tendency OF young men is, we know,
TO tall in love w.th old women" s7.t.s.sl i
And not, as you we'll know, Colonel
for young women to tall in love with old
men,"
you're as old as am" shouted the
Colonel
"Not by fifteen years." exclaimed the
Judge. but you take my remark as per.
sonal. . q ,s.tas
"That's the way you meant to have il
taken," growled the unamiable old man
$50 it is" "but never mind that! I fell
in love. That means to be miserable
At % one has love as one has the measels
.severely,ell over as matter OF business
m"When l was a boy,suddenly began the
Colonel.
."Why, that is ancient history" cried
| Barron .sy.,s aa a .al a,
The Colonel said something in an un
der tone and lighted his cigar.
II hsd always been in love with Mis-
Lou Dexter continued the Judge.
began to suffer when was in roundabouts
| It was c sort OF duplex, back action, ,extrs
| elastic passion. / suppose made foo
OF myself. Didn't l, Colonel2'
"Decidedly'' declared that person.
"I felt as sure OF Lou as I did of my
self, the Judge continued. ''But wher
I came back from college I thought eve
ry thing had changed, for the worse
There was no longer that familiarity ant
confidence that had existed between us
Half the time when went to see her sh
YVES either busy or out for ti.e evening, o
engaged with musty old fellow VIII,
had money, put whose name I won't men
tion." ~
''Musty, Judge2" howlcd the Colonel
i springing tc his leet. sMusty have care
'Poetical license, i suppose, y sugges
ted the minister. ''Now ii he had sal,
meuldy-" sas I.E.. @se5b.Ssr u, ,'.i sger - Z
"Just as llbeous, just as infamous al
untruth," shouted the Colonel, stampin
up an down the verandab.
"OL, well. consider the remark with
drawn. The man was there all Gbe same
and kept me from confidential chats wit
the girl loved" laughed the Judge.
"And she knew it," chucnled CHEZ
kins. : sa,sssa..~ s,ssl
'She knew it" said the Judge, gravel,
~ didn't mind any of these things s
much as the story that she was going t
marry that old fox. That struck me iik
ball from Whisworth gun. Lou
|, said, the iirst time met her after heaI
|. ing the story, lis it true that you al
getting ready to marry this manS' nan
ing him. as4
SSae had way of half turning hs
, head and looking up at you with sauc
/ ness il her black eyes that would drive
} man c-azy. She looked at me that wa,
III "sDon't you wish you knewa' she ask
t cd, and walked awGy, looking backwar
} | lust once, In her coquettish way, ov,
E her shoulder. aas q e
"Ten minutes after saw her walkin
j with my venerable rival"
e Venerable alongside of yeal,n Che
0 kins said, savagely.
Thejudge laughed. ao a,s,p l.,a ,,...
, "You are posted, Colonel he sal
{ "You forget that / mentioned !, no nan
"You might as well have done so
3 said the other. n. 81. .e,,.., ..,-.
q "Oh, the doctor can wait or guess
was the reply. Then Miss Dexter
3 indifference crazed me. wanted to ID
!. !. her that as man, / loved her. 81
4 knew that in my boyhood idolized he
But what chance had II What gos
: would it do il she was going to mar
4 the inf IN old fellow wheeling asthma
: ically by her sidee went home assur,
: that life was Of no value to me. Tae mo
: I thought of it the less cared Tor
!. The less j cared for it the greater N
i anxiety 10 be rid OF 1t. To be rid of
: meant to takc it. Suicide Is horrib
Il vulgaf, ordinarily. 1t is only the Frenc
: man who makes it sublime. Hc--'s
dI "There! theTel must protest. Q
n claimed the parson, holding up his han
= In flofror. ssSuch talk is not orthodoa
stIsva ,,nf foIltmns an n,.+hnS7<~, .4.s,