Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-09-23

GhOUNDS fOh DlfOhCE.
She was about forty.6ve years old, we'll.
dressed, had black hair, thin and tinged with
gray, and eyes in which cleaned the fires of
determination not to be easily baked. She
walked into Major Houses Office, and re-
quested private interview, and having OBJ
tained it, and satisfied herself that the law
students were not listening at the key.hole,
said slowly, solemnly and impressively:
81 want divorce"
"What for2 supposed you had one Of the
best husbands" said the Major.
II s'pose that's what everybody think, but
if they knew what I have suffered in ten
years they'd wonder I had not scalded him
long ago. I ought to, but for the sake of the
young ones I've borne it and said nothing.
I've told him though what he might depend
on, and now the times come l won't stand
it, young ones or no young ones; I'll have
divorce, and if the neighbors want to blab
themselves hoarse about it they can, for l
won't stand it another day."
"But what's the matter9 Don't your hus.
band provide for you? Isn't he true to
you? Don't he treat you kindly? pursued
the lawyer.
I'VE get victuals enough, and don't know
but he's as true and kind as men in general,
and he's never knocked any of US down. |
wish he had, then I'd get him into Jail and
know where he was of nights" retorted the
woman.
"Then what's your complaint against him ?"
"Well, if you must know, he's one of these
plaguey jiners."
"A what ?"
"a jiner-one of them pesky fools that's
always jinin' something. There can't moth
ing come along that's dark and sly and hid:
den, but he'll jine it. If anybody should
get up society to burn his house down, he'd
iine it Just as soon as he could get in, and if
they had to pay to get in, he'd 60 all the
suddener. We hadn't been married more'n
two months before he jined the Know Moth
ms We lived on farm then, and every
Saturday night he'd come tearin' in before
supper, grab istful of nut cakes and 60 OF
knawip' 'em, and that's the last I'd see Of
him till morning. And every other night
he'd roll and tumble in his sleep, and holler,
"Put none but Americans on guard-George
Washington" And on rainy days, he would
90 out into the corn barn and jab at pic
ture of the Pope with an old bagnet that was
there. ought to put my foot down then !;
but he fooled me so with his lies about the
Pope's coming soon to make all the Yankee
girls marry lrishmen, and to eat up all the
babes that warn't born with cross on their
foreheads, and let him 60 on and encouraged
him in it.,
Then he jine6 the Masons. Perhaps you
know what them be, but | don't 'cept they
think they're the same kind Of critters that
built Solomon's Temple, and took care Of his
concubines; and Of all the nonsense and
CAB about worshipful masters and squares and
compasses, sich that we had in the house for
the next six months, you never see the beat.
And he's never outgrowed it nuther What
do you think of man, Squire that'll dress
hisself in white apron, bout big enough for
a monkeys bib, and 60 marching up and
down, making motions and talking of the
foolishest lingo at picture of George Wash
ington in green jacket and truss on his
stomach? Amt he loonytick? Well,
that's my Sam, and I've stood it as long as
I'm going to.
The next lunge the fool made was into the
Odd Fellows | made it warm for him when
he came home and told me he'd jined them,
but he kinder pacifed me by telling me that
they had a sort of branch show that took in
women, and he'd get me in as soon as he
found out how to do it. Well, one night he
came home and said I'd been black. balled.
Did it himself, of course. Didn't want me
around knowing his goings on. Of course be
didn't and told him 80.
Then he jined the Sons of Matter. Didn't
say word to me about it., but sneaked off
one night, pretendin' he'd got to set up with
sick Odd Fellow and never found it out,
only he came home looking like man that
had been through threshing machine, and |
wouldn't do thing for him till he owned up.
And so lis gone from bad to wus and from
wus to wusser, jnin' this and t'other, till he's
Worship Minister of the Masons, and God
dess of Hope of the Odd Fellows, and Sword
Swalower of the Fannigans and Virgin
Cerus of the Grange. and Grand Mogul Of
Sons of Incidence, and two Edged Tomahawk
of the United Order of Black Men, and Tale
Bearer of the Merciful Manikins, and Skip
per Of the Guild of Caratrine Columbus, and
Big Wizard of the Arabian Nights, and
Pledge Passer C the Reform Club, and Chief
Bulger of the Irish Machinists, and Purse
Keeper of the Order of Canadian Conscience,
and Double Barreled Dictator of the Knights
of the Circles, and Standard. Bearer Of the
Royal Archangels, and Sublime Porte of the
Union League, and Chambermaid Of the Ce.
lestial Cherubs, and Puissant Poteptate of the
Petri6ed Pig Stickers, and the Lord only
knows what else I've borne it and borne it,
hopin' he'd get 'em all jined after awhile, but
tain't no use; and when he got into new one
and been made Grand Guide of the Knights
of Horror, I told him I'd quit; and will.
Here the Major Interrupted her, saying:
"Well your husband is pretty we'll initiated,
that's fact; but the court will hardly call
that case for divorce. The most of the So
cieties you mention are composed of honora'
BILE men, and have excellent regulations.
Many of them, though called lodges, are re-
lief associations and mutual insurance COM
panies, which. if your husband should die,
would take care Of you and would not see
you suffer if you were sick"
See me suffer when I'm sick! Take care
of me when he's dead. Well, I guess not.
I can take care of myself when he's dead,
and if can't, I can get another. There's
plenty of 'em. And they needn't bother
themselves when I'm sick either. If want
to be sick and suffer it's none of their busi-
ness, especially after the suffering I've had
when | aint sick because of their carvings
on. And you needn't try and make me be-
lieve it's right either. know what it is to
live with man that jines 80 many lodges
that he don't never lodge at home, and signs
his name, "Yours truly, Sam Smith, NJ. NJ,
]. o. O. F., K. 0. B. K. of p, P. of H., 4.