The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-07-09

him.
This is the beginning of new novel:
"He was at one time son So prodigal
tha. all the calves tie.l at his approach"
Benjamin Franklin, when alive,
looked after the pennies, and now has
his reward by having his head on the
perny postage stamp.
A Vermont Town Board wTestIed
with the word Dangerous to be
used as sign on bridge, for over an
honr and then got it "Danjeruus"
The biggest snake story of the season
is pronounced by the Wheeling Leode,.
to be that of the man who once saw
a boa constructor swallow New Jer-
sey mosquito.
A bunch Of American shingles which
was washed ashore on the island OF
Madagascar was put to popular use.
Two hundred and fifty children were
accommodated.
When reform spelling becomes uni
versal dime novel hero can write 81
KUN Nv a prowd and hotty rase,"
without giving himself dead away as
regards his early education.
The young lady at the seaside said
that she had been to see the rollers.
Her mamma thought she meant the
waves the young lady and the
fellow that kept the bowling alley did
rot.
Scientists claim thatlsmoking Injuries
the eyesight. Blu: this is not true.
The boy with stump in his mouth
can see his father ten squares away.
An old angler says a fish does not
suffer much pain from beng hooked.
OF course not. It's the thought ofhow
its weight will be lied about that
causes it anguish.
The following notice may occasion
ally be found posted upon the door of
Partisan newspaper office "Gone to
fight duel back in half an hour"
Teacher-"What is All abbreviation?''
Scholarly shortening" Teacher
Eyes give me an example" Scholar
-''S1me folks use butter, but mother
says hogs lard is good enough for aEy-
body"
MIR. Waterman Of Duluth was so ex-
by corn that be took careful
aim with a pistol and shot a bullet
through it. The corn disappeared and
so did large portion of the toe
"No," she said, as she slipped the
cream It would take his last dime to
pay for; "no, never eat cake myself,
bu: ma saYs she is getting Awfully tired
waiting for piece of wedding cake.''
"It looks like the scene of a great
battle," remarked a traveller, viewing
the work of great cyclone at the West.
s'Yes," shid the native solemn:y, and
without removing his PIPE; "the place
was took by storm.'
He was ragged orphan boy
lie did not own cent
But still wheFe'er he tore his clc thee.
He gathered in his rent.
A country newspaper ont West thue
heads it's report of fire ''Feast of the
Fire Fiend-The Forked- Tongue De-
mon Licks with Its Lurid Breath a
Lumber Pile Are the Scenes OF Bss-
ton 20 be Repeated ?-Loss $780,"
An apple threw the first man. Since
then 1t has sorter let the business out
to the banans.-D0nbvy Nescs.
This paragraph is fruitful of fscts.
WatermeloncholIy date that was when
the first pair bitter crab apple and
when his saakeship peached on 'em
they had to cherry out.
Said the mistress of Marseilles ci-
gar shop toa young Bohemian Journal
ist "this is the sixth time you have
been here without saying word about
the money you owe me, monsieur
what am to understand by it 90 "Ah,
madam" said the clever journalist,
"When one sees you, one toTgets every.
thing 20
That was thoroughly characteristic
and sincere reply which surprised sa-
loom keeper is reported as making the
other day to religious worker, who
visited him at his place of business,
and asked him it he ever expected to
go to heaven. sTo pe sure," he replied,
xum time bime-by. Wy vudn't I?''
The boy who three weeks ago il.
dulged in such glowing anticipations of
hls achievements in gardening this sum-
mer has long ere this arrived at {! Q
conclusion that the whole science of ag-
riculture ia nonotonoas delusion and
a wicked snare.