Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1880-10-07
Mn. ncwilliams and the Lightning.
BY MARX TWAIN.

the fear OF lightning IL one Of the most dis
tressing inirmities . human being can be
afflicted with II is mostly confined to wom-
en but nov and then you find j, in little
dog. and sometimes in q man. II is par
ticularly distressing in6rmity for the reason
that il takes the sand ou, Of person to an
extent which no other fear can and it can't
be reasoned with, neither can it be shamed
out Of person. A woman Who could face
the very devil himself-or a mouse-loses
her grip and goes to pieces in front Of a
fash Of lightning. Her fright is something
pitiful to see.
Well, as | was telling you, l woke up
with that smothered and unbeatable cry Of
Mortimer Mortimer" wailing in my ear. |;
and As soon a. ! could scrape my faculties
together reached over in the dark and then
said
"Evangeline, is that you calling' What
is the matter, Where are youa"
''Shut up liz the boo,-closet. You ought
to be ashamed to lie there and sleep so. and
such an awful storm going on"
why, how can one be ashamed when be
is asleep9 Ii is unreasonable . man can't
be ashamed when be is asleep. Evangeline." :"
"Iou never try, Mortimer-you kaow
very well you never try
caught the sound Of mufiled sobs.
That sound smote dead the sharp speech
tha, vas on nv lips. and changed i, to-
I'm sorry. dear-I'm truly sorry. lneyer
meant to act so. Come back and
MORTIMER
Heavens! wha, is the matter. my love ,"
"Do you mean to say you are in ,ha, bed
yei7"
why, Of course"
..Come out Of il instantly. should think
YOU would take some hair care Of your life
for my sake and the chiidren's, il you will
not for your own"
But. my love"
don't talk to me, Mortimer You knor
there is no place so dangerous As bed in
such thunder storm a. this. all the books
say tina; vet there YOU would lie and de-
libera,ely throw away your life for-good-
ness knows what. unles. for the sake Of ar
guing and arguing. and"
But. oonfound 1t, E,angeline, I'm not in
the bed nor. I'm"
Sentence interrupted by sudden glare
of lightning followed by terrified little
scream from Mrs. McWilliam, and ,re-
mendous bias, Of thunder
inert. tou see klt result Ot, Nul-
timer, how oan you be so proaiga,e as to
swear a, such time as ihis'"
Il didn't swear. And ,ha, rasnt re-
suli Of il, any way. Il would have come
just the same If hadn', said word and
you know very well, Eyangeline.-ai leas;
YOU ought TO knov,-ihai when the a,mos-
phere i. charged with electricity-"
"Oh. YES. nov argue it and argue il and
argue it don't see how YOU can act 80
when you lnor there is not a lightning
on the place and your poor wife and chill
dren are absolutely at the mercy OF Prosi-
denoe. Wha, are YOU doing Fighting
match at such a time As this! Are YOU
stark mad ?"
Hang ii, woman, where's the harm' The
place is as dark as the inside Of an inhdel,
and"
put /, out put II out instantly Are
YOU determined 10 sacrifice US all? You
kno~ there is nothing attracts lightning like
q light. FIT = crash. boom - boioou-
boom boom J Oh. jus, hear it Now you
see what you've DONE"
mo, | don't see what I've done A
match NAV attract lightning. for all know,
but it don, cause lightning I'll go odds on
that And il didn', attract j, worth a cent
this time for II that shot was leyeled at my
match j, vas blessed poor markmanship.-I
about an average Of none out of 4 possible
million, should say. Why, at a Dolly
mount such mark manship as that"
"For shame. Mortimer, Here We are
standing in the very presence Of death, and
Yet in so solemn q moment you are capable
of using such language as that. II you have
no desire to-Mo.timer 80
Well
Ibid YOU say your prayers tonight ?"
"I-l-meani TO. but ] got 10 trying 70
cipher out ho~ much twelve times thirteen
is, and"
FIT! - boom m-LeTroom-boom bundle
umble, bang-sMAsH.
.Oh. We are lost beyond all help How
could you neglect such a thing a, such a
time as this -
But il scasn't such time as this There
WASH, a cloud in the sky. How could |
know there Was going to be all this rumpus
and pow-xow about a little slip like tina, ?
And don't think IT'S jus, fair for you TO
make so much Of il anyway, seeing IL hap
pens so seldom; haven't missed before
since l brought on that earthquake four
years ago"
MORTIMER" How you talk Have
you forgotten the yellow fever?"
MY dear, you are always throwing up the
yellow fever to me, and think it is perfect
ly unreasonable. You can't even send tel
egraphic message as far as Memphis with
out RELAYS, SO how is a little devotional slip
OF mine going TO carry SO far? Ill stand
the eal thquske, because il was in the neigh
borhood but I'll be hanged If I'm going to
be responsible for every blamed"
(Fa! - BOON -berooM.boom boom
boom m.-BANG.-J
"Oh, dear, dear, dear! l knOr it struck
something, Mortimer. We shall never see
the light of another day; and il it will do
you any good to remember, when We are
gone, that your dreadful language-Norti-
mer"
"WELL! What now?"
"Your voice sounds a. if-Mortimer. are
you actually standing in front of that open
6re-place?"
THAT is the very crime am committing
Get away from it this moment. You do
seem determined to bring destruction on Us
all. Don't you knor that there is no better
conductor for lightning than an open chin
neyP Nor where have you got toa"
I'm here by the window"
"Oh, for PHYS sake. have YOU lost your
mind? Clesr out from there this moment.
The very children in arms know it is fatal
to stand near a window in a thunderstorm.
Dear, dear, know | shall never see the
light of another day. Mortimer"
"Yesw
"Whst is that rustlins'"
''It's me-"
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to find the upper end Of my PAN
falcons"
"Quick throw those things away! do
believe you would deliberately put on those
clothes at such time ss this vet you know
perfectly well that all authorities agree that
woolen stufs attract lightning. On, dear.
dear. il isn't sufficient that ones life must be
in peril from natural causes, but you must
do everything you can possibly think Of to
augment the danger. On, don't sing! What
eas you be thinking OFF"
"Now where's the harm in h ?"
"Mortimer, II have tsld you once I've
told you hundred times that singing canses
vibrations in the atmosphere which inter
rupt the how Of the electric Auid and-What
on earth are you opening that door for p
''Goodness gracious, woman, is there any
harm in fkaf3~