Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-07-23
f U n

THE DUTCHMAN SETS A HEM see
dot mosed everybody wrides someding for
de shicken bapeYs nowtays and 1 fought
dat meppe I can do dot too, so wride
apout yot dock blaze nit me lasht sum-
mer, you know-oder uf you dond know,
den dells you-dot Katrina IDIOT is mein
vrowl and me We geep some shickens for
long dime ago, un Won tay she said to me.
ssSockery, IDIOT is mein name) ''vy dond
you put some uf de aigs under dot plue
hen shicken. l dink she want to sate."
ssVel,''I salt, ''meppe I guess will,'' SO
I bicked out some uf de best aigs and do ok
UNI oud de parn ware de old hen make her
nesht in de side Of der haymow, quot five
or six feet up. Now you see [ neffer was
ferry big up und town, but was pooty
big all de way arount in de mittle, so L
koodn't reach up dill vent und got a par
rel to slant on. Veil, klimet me on de
parrel, und ven my head rise up py de
nesht dot olt hen gif me such a pick dot
my nose runs all ofer my face nit ploot,
und ven todge pack dot plasted olt par
rel bet preak und vent town kerslam, Ply
cholly. I didn't tink kood 60 insite
parrel pefore: put dere vos, und 1 fit so
dite dot I koodn't git me oud effry way
My fest vas pushed up unter my armhOles.
Ven wound vas dite sthuck I boiler,
katrina Katrina!'' und ven she
koomund see me stuck in de parrel up to
my armholes nit my face all plood und
aigs, Ply cholly, she shust lait town on tie
hay und laft und laft dill I got SO mat, I
salt, "Vy you lay dere und laf like a old
WOOL, amt it? Wy dond you koom and
bull me od?'' Und she set up und salt:
s'Oh, wipe off your chin und bull town
your fest.'
Den she lait town I'm laft like she voot
sphlit herself more as effer. Mad as I yos
I fought to myself, Katrina she spheak
English poorly goot, but only said nit my
greatest dignitude, Katrina, will you bull
me out dem parre]?" Und she see DOT l
look poorly red, SO she salt, "Of course l
will. Sockery." Den she lait me und de
parrel town on our site und dock hold de
door sill und Katrina she bull on the par
rel, put the first bull she matt yellet,
''Dunder I'm plitzen! sthop dot, Ply cholly,
dere's nails in de parrel ~
You see de nails rent down ven 1 vent
in, but ven koom oud dey sthick to me
all de way rount. Veil, to make short
story long, I toll Katrina to go und dell
naypoor Hunsman to pring saw und saw
de parrel off, und gifts up NIT haf par
rel arount my waist. Den Katrina she
say, ''Sockery, Wait fiddle till I get a bat
tern oy dot new overskirt you hat on.''
But didn't salt vort shust got nife
oud vittle de hoops off und shling dot con-
founter old parrel in de voot pile.
Bime-bY. ven [ koom in de house Ka-
trina she salt, SO soft like, 'sSockery, w
dond you 60 und put some aigs unter dot
oltplue hen?'' Den I salt, in my deepest
voice. Katrina, uff effer you say dot to
me again I'll got bill nit divorce from
you-help me chimminy Gracious" I dell
you, she dond say dot any more.
A DRUG STORE EPIsODE.-An old lady
kept up this style for half an hour at the
druggists and with the following result:
Chow much is this bottle?''
zone dollar and thirty cents, madam, if
you take one, or twelve dollars DOZEN"
Eyes. Well, my daughter told me to
get this particular preparation. It's the
right kind, isn't it?"
I'Oh, yes, madam. That is the only
brand we keep"
''How much did you say it WASP"
zone dollars and thirty cents a single
bottle; but if you take Dozen.
II thought you said it was only 81 a
bottle?''
''If you take dozen"
Ibid you say it must Ike kept on this
side until it's used?"
eyes madam; and if you uncork it, it
must all be used at once.H
'You're sure it's the right brand?''
sob, yes; we keep no.
"a dollar bottle?"
eff you take dozen; but 81 80 for a sin
gle BOTTLE"
II thought you said 81 bottle.''
eff you take Dozen"
''But don't want a Dozen"
'sThen a single bottle will be 81 30"
sand it must be kept on its side until
used?"
Eyes, madam
''Well, I've great mind to take bot
tie. think it's what my daughter wan
ted me to get. Do you sell less than a bot
tle?"
ssNo, madam
"a whole single bottle is worth $1.so?"
sYes, madam
''Well, think I'll go home and talk. to
my daughter about it. How much did you
say it WASP"
During the Fourth of July celebration
of the Limekiln Club it was plain to be
seen that Elder Toots had something on
his mind. He got up and sat down sever
al times, and being finally recognized by
the Chair, be said: 'sKin de Char favor
me wild list of de Guild patriots who fit
and bled dat we might injoy dis glor
day?" Cries of s'Sit down!' were heard
all over the hall, and when the window
panes had ceased rafting, Brother Card
ner arose and said, ''Brudder Toots, faint
spected dat de white folks kept any track
of de number of GUILD pussons who laid
down dar lives in defence of dis kentry.
tyase de Guild man didn't amount to much
at dat epoch. I can't say for sartin what
cu1l,d folks died and what didn't, kase it's
sfore nv time, but I feel sartin in my heart
dat de true patriot did all he could, no
matter what his color. 1t seems to be de
...,oa ~ d;o noeetin' dat YOU doan't ak any