Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-10-27

A MAN IS "perfect brick when he
shows himself all the better for BEING.
hard-pressed.
MANY are called but few are chosen
Ito occupy political office.-Hoqtford
Sunday Journal.
HE reason men succeed who mind
their own business is because there is SO
little competition in that line.
DREssNTAKERs who know their business
never make bulls; they do all the goring
themselves. -LoaUeU Citizen.
Ibis is a good season Of the year to
begin practlcing upon the almost slost
art " OF shutting the doors after you.
WHAT L the use of family hanging q
" God Bless Our Home % on the wall and
then disputing as to who made high jack :?
BABY, new to earth and sky,
Soon as born begins to cry.
! Day and night does baby YELL
/ And makes its daddy mad as-wel1,
! Mad as anything.
canto One, oanto Two
-, Gun
Gun; Burst;
JOY, Boy.
Fur. Dust
-RockJaT,d Courier
IT was at Galveston hotel that a
child attracted considerable attention by
saying repeatedly: 81 want a cake
SC You have had five or six already" re-
piled the mother. ''Them's not the
ones want. want fcesl. one. -
VERY TRUE.-Boy-" Papa what are
you going to do with all that money!
Father It is to take us on our Jour
ney." Boy" Oh, then I suppose we
will go very quickly, for I have often
heard you say that money goes SO fast. -
Fun.
A LITTLE tWo-year old has been pass
ing the summer with his uncle at Marble
head, Mass One day he directed his
attention to passing sail, calling it
bark. After looking at it with earnest
ness, she turned and said: '' Uncle,
where is the dog?''
Not quite what he meant, though
hilkman: Tell your mother she'll
hav' ter pay ready money fur milk in
future; I amt agoin' to chalk up any
more" Boy: ;" What are yer agoing
to use instid then, Mr.. Simpson 81
F'uaa.
DocToR-" Oh, there you are, Smith
How's the wife % Farmer: 'sWuss, I'm
afeard SIR" Doctor: Indeed! Is she
wandering?" Farmer: "No, no, she's
sensible. That's what I'm afeard of. I
never knowed her so sensible. She's.
onnatrally sensible!'
A CERTAIN English general, being at
the point of death, opened his eyes, and
seeing a consultation Of four physicians
who were standing close by his bedside,
family exclaimed. Gentlemen. If you
fire by platoons it's all over with me,
and Instantly expired.
A Troy youth snapped bean from
window. It struck a man on the nose.
He jumped and knocked down a woman.
who broke an arm and caused horse to
run away and fatally injure itself. Had
the boy thrown grindstone the results
would not have been more DISASTROUS
Detroit Free Fress.
BALTIMORE paper says {" it is very
bad form for gentlemen in society to talk
OF money matters" We suspect the
Baltimore editor met his tailor in society.
and was asked by the etiquette smasher
when it would be convenient for him to
pay for his last suit of clothes. -Norr.
Herald.
A FRENCH correspondent says the ma
Iorlty OF the American people viii be
disappointed in Sara Bernhardt. AS
tickets will be worth $500 each, it is
very probable there will be considerable
disappointment. John Smith SAYS he is
convinced his girlwill be disappointed.
oil city Derrick.
"SUMMING Up. Captain What's
the charge, sergeant ?" Sergeant
''This time it is drunkenness, sir. But
this man is the most troublesome fellow
| IN 10 n
he likes, and comes in when ne likes, and
gets drunk when he likes; In fact, he
might be horfcerw- Punch.
'Ir is said that the ministers of
| Rochester have resolved to marry nobody
for less fee than So" But won't they
| make liberal reduction to club of six
and upwards? 1t was real mean to raise
the price during leap year, when the
young lady is expected to do both pop
ping and paying. NoTT5stoaU7a Herald.
THE Most Distressful Countrie. -
Bridget: ''Baby's looking we'll, Mrs.
Mulligan." Mrs Mulligan $50 it
ought, bedad Shure it's a lucky child
1t isn't livery baby that has the good for
tune TO be born on the same noight that
its father shoots his landlord, and cuts
off the agents ears. "-Londoae Faua.
Mrs. SHoDDy (to shopkeeper)-
Show me ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS of your
very best" Shopkeeper-" This ma, am.
is one of our inest-Venetian glass and
the best quicksilver. Mrs. SSH
yer! That would be very nice for the
kitching, but [ want one for my boo
door. Haven't you one with quick
gold ?"
GILHooDY strayed into De Smiths
grocery yesterday, accompanied by his
dog. Suddenly the grocer cried out, as
II IN great pain, ''Your id dog has
eaten up two pounds of nice fresh coun-
try butter!'' "Well, if it don't hurt the
dog It's all right, but I want you founder
stand that he is valuable dog, andifhe
dies you will have to pay about $40
pound for that oleomargarine.