Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1880-09-16
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

"Broicd spring chicken for ten, chr"
said l. "And lobster salad and fried oystors!
Upon my word, this looks as if wo were
going to have company"
$50 we are, my dear" said my wife,
looking little guilty, as sho polished up
tho surfacc of tho big silver tea tray with a
new chamois leather. "lhey arc all come
to visit mc--Unclc Slas and Aunt Mill
cent and tho children, and Cousin Joob,
aud the two Miss Wildcrmipgs, and my
Aunt Louisa, to meet the Reverend Mr.
SpoakwcIl, from Minnesota, who married
my second cousin, Jcrusha Wilde. Mr.
Spcakwcl is troubled with tho catarrh aud
ho thinks Of stayins at our house for o
few weeks, while he is being treated by DR..
Doscm."
put down my linen dustcr and brown
paper parcels with somc emphasis.
ooh, confouu. lhc Rev. Mr. Spoukwell!"
said I.
"John" calculated my wife.
"Wcll, my dear, cant help it," said l..
"lt's not in human nature to stand every
thing. And l'vc been roiatioucd out of
all patience since our marriage. The Jen-
kinscs went away last week, tho Brdsails
took nn uiTcctionato leave yesterday, and
now, just us was contemplating peaceful
evening by ourselves, here's q new swarm,
huugricr than tho rest, just ready to settle
down upon us! In my opinion, Kitty, my
dear, relations should DO abolished
I" | am surprised ut you, John, said my
wife. "NIy own people that aro SO fond of
me-"
"There's whcro you arc mistaken, my
dear" said |. "It's your comfortable
spring beds aud good cookery they are fond
Of, not you"
"JoInw
'tI'd be willing to wugcr good round
sum on tho truth of my usscrtion," said l..
"Bcoausc you havo no relations your
self
"rhank Providence for that!' said de-
voutly. II was reared in a foundling
asylum and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerablc success in the
world"
"It's no reason why you should liod
fault with mino,' said Kitty, with her
bright, blue eyes full of tears. "And Mr..
Spcakwol is such spiritually minded man,
and dear Uncle Silas loves you just as if
you were his only son, and Cousin Joab
is so interested in our children"
"I'm much obliged to en-" said ], dryly,
"But slopt all last week ou soft cushions
laid in tho bath tub; aud wo had fourteen
people here over tho anniversaries; and
was obliged to give up my own room for a
month last winter to old Mr. Manswoll, not
to speak Of our being half poisoned with
Aunt Louisa IIygeian's messes 10 the fall.
When the poet said, There's no plsoo like
houo,' presume no meant whes there
wero no relations visiting. I've great
mind formally to decd over thia house to
your relations, if they will agroo solcmnly
20 leave mo in poaco for tho rest Of my
life, whoresocycr may set up my family
tents"
"Nonscnsc" snid my wife. "Do 60 up
stairs and change your things, and brush
your hair and get ready for tea. ''rhcy'rc
all waiting in the parlor, and was expect
ing your return to SEQ about hiring some
cot beds from the village hotel, to put UP
in The attic for those four little Spcakwcl
children. You see, Aunt Louisa has tht
little blue bed room, and Cousin Joat
sleeps in tho wing chamber, and Mr.. and
Mrs. Spcakwcll viii! have our room, and
"lndced" said l. 'Aud we arc to slceI
in the barn, ! suppose"
"Don't be cross, john" said my wife
appcaliugly. "Onc must be hospitablc
you know. And can easily mako up th
sofa bed in the back parlor for our own use
for a week or so"
I said nothing, 5ut ground my teeth il
silent despair, os ] sprnng up tho stairs, tw'
steps at n time, to make what changes
could in my toilet, by the aid Of q ten b.
twcIvo glass hung over the washstand o
stufy little bath room.
Tho Rev. Mr., Spcakwcll was big ma1
with still bigger voice, and limp, ihdct
little wife, whose sole earthly interest
seemed centcrcd in her four white eyed
freoklcd faced children. Uncle Siias anc
Aunt NIillicent were silent couple, will
excellent appc.itcs, aud two tall boys VIII
giggcd and sniclcrcd at each other in til
intervals of the conversation.
Cousin Jonb talked necessarily with hi
mouth full, and the two Misses Wilmcr
dings served as general echoes to the rest
whilo Aunt Louisa dcvourcd lobster saa
ad lbitum, md kept on sending up he
cup far moro green tca, until tremblc
for her nerves.
While my wife, careful and troubled lk
Martha Of old, will, many things lookc'
ready to drop with the hospitatlc cxcrsion