The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-12-24
ODDS AND ENDS

AND we arise to ask, what is it that
makes locomotive tender?
IT is said that two Of the best steel en-
gravers in this country are women.
The bride and bridegroom at Nash
vile wedding had only one leg apiece.
NEVER attempt to get rich too rapidly.
You may cut a coupon SO that it viii not
be redeemed.
A MAN may live to extreme old age
and then commit the biggest mistake OF
his life.
ACCORDING to Victor Hugo, to call a
man an ass is to compliment him. Hugo
thinks the ass is the wisest of creature.
NEVER does man believe so strongly
IN the attraction of gravitation as when
he sits down in chair and finds it gone.
THERE have been three great Irvings-
Washington hyings, Irving the famous
London preacher, and Irving the actor.
A STUPID man, in buying book, said
to the bookseller, 81 will take two copies
while | am about it, as I may wish to
read it twice.
MANY women who are really brave
pale every time they find themselves IN
front OF the looking glass with powder
puff IN their hands.
A BLUE stocking has written an essay
on "Ihe Disadvantage of Being Pretty. .
Most girls are good-natured, and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
A VERY curious incident occurred near
Louisville the other day, railroad train
being thrown from the track without in
juring anybody above the rank of major
THERE are some $1,000 more females
than males in Philadelphia, and yet some
people wonder why some girls marry bow
legged men.--Philadelphia Chronicle
Herald. III
A CHICAGO grocer sells soap, every
tenth cake of which contains in its centre
gold dollar, and the citizens of Chicago
are getting to look tolerably clean. -
Boston Post.
THIS significant sentence is from a
Massachusetts school report: Gas this
office involves neither honor nor profit,
there seems no plausible reason why it
should not be filed by woman"
A WESTERN young lady who has been
visiting Boston says the young men
there are so vain that they act as if they
thought they were doing you the greatest
possible favor in speaking to you
A RELIGIoUsLY insane woman in Mas
sachusetts goes about the neighborhood
every morning delivering personal mes
sages which she believes she has received
from heaven during the night.
AVAILABLE heifer belonging to Mas
sachusetts farmer recently broke its leg,
and it had to be amputated. The animal
has since been fitted with wooden leg,
on which it moves around with ease.
SUSAN JANE must have been scantily
dressed when she was looking out for
her lover and sang:
He'll come tonight, the winds at rest,
The moon is full and fair.
I'll wear the dress that pleased him BEST
ribbon in my ha1r.
A PHILADELPHIA quack informs the
public that he is not at all exclusive
"If patient wants it gentle and mild
I'm homeopath, and when anybody
wants thunder and lightning, I'm an al
lopath."
In paper published in Rhode Island
in 1852, the following account of pro-
tracted drought is given: "Our COWS are
drying up, our pumps are dry, there is
no water, and the minister Of the Bap-
fist church is dead.
A PHILADELPHIA man has perfected an
invention whereby sour kraut can be
boiled in the house without any of the
inmates smelling it. The invention CON
sists of small liver-like pad Of Linn
burger cheese worn under the nose. =
Philadelphia Chronicle-Her0ld.
To poets: In order to write poetry
suitable for publication, it is necessary,
first, either to understand the artof versi-
fication or to possess a singularly correct
ear; second, the poet must have some
thing to write about, something more
than a general desire to die or be star;
and third, when he feels the fit coming
on he should go and blacken stove.
A STORY comes all the way from Atkin-
son, Kansas, to explain why Clara Louise
Kellogg has never married. In her
school days she fell in love with poor
boy, and they exchanged VOWS of CON
stancy. She wenton the stage and made
fortune. He declared that he would
not become her husband until his wealth
equaled hers-and it has never done so,
though he has struggled hard to increase
it to the required amount
IT would save great deal of embar-
rassment and perhaps add to their emol-
uments if clergymen generally were to
charge fixed rate for marrying couples
say SIS for the first offence, $40 for the
second, $40 for the third, and SO on.
They might even issue tickets, as they do
in milk factories, with reduction to
persons taking quantity. In order to
encourage lawful wedlock, the job should
be done very cheaply to young couples,
but the clergy could take it out of widow
ers and old bachelors.