Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-07-09
Hawkeye Chances.

/
! New York men are wearing gold fans
for scarf.pins.
| Georgia has the prize baby-twenty
pounds and ten ounces.
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
speaks of Milton, Pa, as paradise lost.
The Waterloo Observer notes that
straight whisky makes a man awfully
crooked. =
The Hackensack Republican says the
frog is an emblem of hope; he is eter.
nally springing.
A landlord in Boston calls his tene.
ments brieaets, because the tenants
never stay longer than month.
Politics, says the Hackonsack Repub-
lican, Is like an antiquated egg; the bet
ter you get acquainted with it, the more
you don't like it.
| Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton's son.
it is rumored, is about to marry a daugh-
ter Of MIR. Andrew d. White, our min.
lister to Germany.
A sermon should never be so short,
iu the opinion of the New Haven Req
lister, that the women will not have time
to take fashion notes.
A society for the prevention of pie
eating has been started in Boston. The
New York Commercial says it will be
patroniEed by the upper crust.
People who wonder why mems hair
turn gray before their whiskers should
reflect that there is alb out twenty years
difference in their respective ages.
The Leadville Chronicle tells of q
man who escaped with his life from the
Indians. The man who escaped with
out his life hasn't yet been reported.
A man who offered for SIS to put any
one on the track of q paying investment,
seated an applicant between the rails of
the Boston and Albany Railroad. II Bos.
ton Post.
A c.uple of reporters spent the night
in cell with man who was doomed
to be hanged in Connecticut recently,
and in the morning the prisoner was
perfectly willing to die.
Denver is Dragging about resident
who is gradually turning to stone while
yet alive, but he is nothing compared
to lots of chaps who turned to brass
soon after they were born.
Russell Sage always carries pocket
full OF peppermint-drops around with
him, and he sometimes has so many in
his mouth ut once that he must be given
time to answer question.
The man who thinks that boy can
hoe in the garden while a circus pro-
cession is passing, is always the man
who has front seat when the perform
ance begins.-[ Detroit Free Press.
1t looks very suspicious for woman
to bring home basket of green apples
and cucumbers the next day after her
husband insures her life for heavy
amount Philadelphia Chronicle Her
aid.
| A prominent writer on rhetoric says
"A new word learned and correctly
used is an requirement to be proud Of"
The usufruct of this biaplasm lies in
J the differentiation thereof. Brooklyn
Eagle.
1t is the easiest thing in the world
for the man who goes on foot to have
and to hold a spite against the man who
rides in carriage. They never think
Of his back-aches, horse.shoeing and
carriage repairs.
A few days ago Norwich, Connecti-
cat, man bought a chest of tea in Prov
idence, Rhode Island, and on opening
it found stone inside weighing nearly
eleven pounds. He remarked that the
weighs Of Providence were very mys-
| FERROUS.
A Wisconsin clergyman preached on
the sin of transacting money matters
on Sunday, and when the deacon passed
would put cent in it. And somehow
the preacher didn't feel fattered at the
effect his sermon had.
A boy who had charge of very stub
born donkey, was one day beating it
numerically because it would not 60,
when the minister of the parish COM
ing up, censured him for his cruelty.
The boy resented the interference, and
exclaimed, I'm sure you needn't care,
it's none of your congregation"
A gentleman in Diapers shop had
the misfortune to tread on lady's
skirt. She turned around, her face
flushed with anger, but seeing the gen.
tleman was a stranger; she smiled COM
placently, saying: ~ beg pardon,
sir; was going to be in dreadful
passion; thought it was my husband"
Jones propounied the following the
other evening, after slipping of his al
legged tea 4: Why is this drink like
milk" Of course, nobody could
guess, and after he had divulged by
saying it was lack tea. al fluid, nobody
dared to smile. They knew that the
landladys eyes were upon them Bos-
ton Transcript.
The rotund Rev. Mrs. Van Colt is
suffering from heart disease, and her
physicians declare that if she speaks in
public she is liable to die at any mo-
ment. Nevertheless she has begun q
series of revival meetings in New York,
declaring that she cannot afford to be
sick as long as Bob "Ingersoll's health
is SO shockinglv and alarmingly good.