River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1880-05-20
JOE'S WIFE.

MzzezzEz1zzzl2z4n-
JOE'S WIFE.
| write, my dear old chum, for the
purpose of inviting you to visit us.
Don't refuse. My wife heartily seconds
the invitation. All, Tom, she's jewel
wife. | know if you could meet such
one you would forswear bachelorhood.
She Is the dearest, sweetest, best tenn
pered, loveliest-the English language
fails me here, but, as you are always
better than on the unabridged, | be-
seech you to look therein for some en-
dearing adjectives and complete the
sentence. You, you who sing about
the felicity of bachelor Hall, when
you have seen my happy home, will
change your tune. You must come,
Tom. 1 won't take a refusal Yours,
etc, JOE HALL.
/ answered his letter thus:
My DEAR JOEL thou ght when last
saw you could never be tempted to
jeopardize my peace of mind or my
bones by again placing myself at the
mercy of yourpractical ok es. But have
no other recourse nov than to accept
your invitation. You must promise me,
my dear fellow. you will not play any
of your Jokes. A married man ought
TO be more dignifed, and if you play
any tricks on me | warn you / shall
board the first train for home.
Yours, etc, Tom THURsToN.
| went. | was m-t at the train by
Joe's servant, man who had long
body, dressed in a long coat, a long
waistcoat, a long necktie, long hat,
long boots, and whose name was Long.
| instinctively hated this man. He
scrutinized me closely; returned the
scrutiny. He watched my every move
ment as detective would supposed
criminal. l watched his movements as
a tlmid man would a vicious CANNES.
We at length reached Joe's house. /
anticipated Joe's welcome, but in his
place came the lOveliest woman | ever
saw. 1t is true, as Joe said, was al
ways fluent in language, but to this day
| cannot find words to satisfy me in de-
scribing her SURPRISING beauty.
Joe, Joe," thought F; SIT is we'll for
yOu that you met her first"
"You are Mr.. Thuiston p she asked,
timidly approaching me, and shyly
glancing at me from under her eyelids.
informed her was the parsonage, and
inquired for Joe.
For answer, that gentleman himself,
who was on horseback, sprang from the
saddle. grasped my hand, and like the
irrepressble Joe of old, cried
"Glad to see you. old boy! Wen
have glorious old times, as Of old!
Well hunt, fish, smoke, ETC., till you
grow so fat, hale and hearty, that your
most intimate friends won't know you.
Come, let's go in, tea Is waiting. Par
don me for not introducing you, but /
suppose you introduced yourself in my
apsence. Apropos, it was i1hospitable
in me to absent myself on your arrival,
but business called me away"
So rafting on, Joe ushered me into
the contest little parlor that ever Il poor
bachelor was called on to envy. But
the coy little wife? What was the
envy of the room with Its adernments
to the envy of such a wife? Must adj
nit it ?-I might a. well admit it right
here as any further period of my recit-
all felt thrill at my heart. 1t was
thrill of exquisite pain-a thrill of jeal-
ousy of Joe's happines-.
Joe" l mentally cried, "better, far
better for me if l had declined your in
yitatiOn."
Presently we had a most refreshing
supper, after which Joe and | strolled
out for a walk and a smoke.
"Joe," | exclaimed, enthusiastically,
''your encomiums of your wife were
merited. She is indeed treasure. By
Jove, if | could find such a jewel |
would never rest until | had won and
married her."
Joe was on the point of lighting Il
cigar when begun, but paused with
appraised match till | had finished-and
the match burned mis- fingers. |
thought for time he was angry at my
impetuosity, but his face cleared away
and the old wicked twinkle that l feared
so much came to his eyes. He grasped
my hand, saying:
you're right, my boy; she's the
dearest little wife in the universe. I'm
glad you like her."
After we had finished our cigars and
talked some time of our old college
days. we re-entered the house.
"Nellie," cried Joe, opening the
piano. flavor Tom and me with a tune.
lie has a passion for music"
Perhaps, Mr.. Thurston" began she,
but was interrupted by Joe.
mo, Nellie, protest. No mastering
around here. It's plain Tom. Do you
hear, Tom? She's to call you Tom
and you're to call her Nellie. Viola
ton of this rule will incur my eternal
displeasure. Govern yourselves &C
cordingly."
"Perhars ne will object" pleaded
Nellie.
mo, no." exclaimed, at will please
me very much-and-I will feel high
" honored to be allowed to address you
by that name"
"Pshaw. Toni Itll please her. Won't
it, Nel2"
She laughed and gave me be~itch-
ing look accompanied by nod.
Il was going to say" said Nellie,
that perhaps you could sing with
me-"
mo, no, excuse me; l can't sing,
Nellie"
The word was uttered with gasp and
certainly turned violently red in the
face. Joe was looking at me, and |
saw he had q desperate struggle to con-
troll the muscles of his mouth.
was indeed fond of music, but was
entranced with her magnificent voice.
The evening passed on golden wings.
Joe ran on IN his wild old ways; told his
Jokes and laughed just as boisterously
as he did when we roomed together at
college. He did not give us much
chance to join in the conversation; for
one comic snecdote reminded him OF
another which he must tell. We both
lauged heartily at his stories, and
talked volumes to each other with our
eyes. -.
That night | dreamed loved Nellie
(Ol, truthful DREAMY dreamed she
reciprocated that love. (Oh, vain
DREAMY Then dreamed intrigue be
gan. We determind to elope. My
heart bled for poor Joe. but felt it was
death to live without her. Now she
has met me under the elm south oil
Joe's house. see her pale, excited
facet | feel her nervous hand clasping
mineI Now we are fleeing On, on, anc
now we are pursued! Joe is on oul
track We glide along SMOOTH y IN
light boat. Now we are safe and she j
mine-mine forever. But no, Joe stu
pursues us. Why cannot we gllde last
er? Joe approaches swiftly. Now ~
closes in on usl He has caught her II
his cruel graspl Her beautiful plead