The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1880-08-20


Western Addition the other day.
II seems that the belle of that i'm
portant suburb OF our municipal
ity is Miss Susan Smiley, and
whom a vigorous rumor, kept In
circulation by her less favored sis
terhood, credited with being a des-
perate little fiirt--in fact, what
Billy Rice, the minstrel, used to
call a "false. hearted crokay.n At
all events her affections were OF
Sufficiently indefinite quality to
cause her two most favored visitors
10 look upon each other with the
most .yindictive feelings common
10 hated rivals. These gentlemen
who we're respectively a city ball
clerk, with eye. glasses and freckles,
named Pliff, and a red-headed dry
goods manipulation called Digs
occupied the intervals devoted to
gloomily sitting each other out
three evenings a week to fruitless
attempts to discover which OF the
two was really the coming man in
the matrimonial race, 80 to speak.
Last Thursday morning Miss
Smiley, in response to a business,
like ring, admitted IA middle-aged
party with black beard, aud wear.
ing blue goggles and a long-tailed
ulster.
"I am taking the census, num-
he said, opening fiat book ON the
piano, and getting out some blanks,
"just look sharp please, aud an.
swer the necessary questions
Miss Smiley trembled a little, as
women always do for some reason
when talking to government Off
cial, aud said she'd try.
"Lem'me see-your names Smit.
fey, believe--iirst name !"
"Susan.n
Middle namep
"Haveny sgot any, sir"
"Come, now, young woman, no
prevarication. Are you sure you
havn't got II middle name some.
where, aud ary trying to conceal
itr
"No, sir; indeed | havn't," said
the lady, turning pale. III wouldn't
deceive you.'
"You'd better not, mum. The
penalty is twenty five years at hard
labor, or both"
"Gracious me.0
Fact, mum. Now, then, let's
see what's next. All yes-how
often married n
"Not once YETI
{" Alum. Going to, | suppose 7
Been asked, eli y
"Oh! yes, sir; several tines
"Call it six times," said the cen.
sus man, making an entry. "What's
nexti All! yes--is your back
hair false n
"M-m-must | answer that T.
"Of course you must. Don't
trifle with the United States gov
ernment, mum. Come now"
[" Well, its sorter, that is, kind.
err
s That'll do; we'll call it mixed.
Teeth soundf'
(" Yes, sir y with much emphasis,
"Don't get excited. Let's see
I'll put your age down as twenty
five. The United States never al
lows us to take a woman's age on
oath. They will lie; can't help it,
] guess!'
"l'm just eighteen. Idon't care
whether the government likes it OF
not" said the ecitizeness, snappishly
"Of course, of course /; they all
say that. Pay attention, please
What size corset.
"Ehi
Must answer, mum. Remem
Der the penalty. How many inches
around the waste n
"Well, ifyou must know, six
teen. ButIf6ink its just a shame
mo remarks, If you please
Ahem! Well call It nineteen
They generally throw off about
three inches, | find. Size of shoe =
"Two--but / can wear one ant
a-r
"I'll return you as a No. 4. That'l
about what q 'threer' always says
Any beauxp
"W-w-wh.atr
say, any beauxi and be very
careful about your answer, mum
The Washington authorities ar,
very particular OIL this point. Hal
everything to do with the next cen
sus, you see. Now, how man,
sweethearts 7"
"Well - of course-there ar,
some gentlemen coming here
audi
"Of course there are; I've GO
sou down in the Good Looks
space as "A. A. /. L. handsome
So, of course, you have plenty O
admirers. All the government re
quires, however, is the prineipa
one.1
SWELL" said the young lady
somewhat Modified, "there's Jim
my Phin, and Tom Diggs, and-u
Hold up right therel Whicl
of 'em do you intend to marry Z
said tho enumepator Of population
essrnpstly..
"0h, neither Of them. THERE
-alsem theresa splendid gentle
mp named Sondberry -Oharll