Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-01-22
All sorts.
The lev of the land-Eggs.

All Sorts.
The lay of the land-Eggs.
A chest protector-A time lock.
A port of entry-The front door.
A tree cut down looks chop-fallen.
The true remedy for the Ute-Jute.
A belle wringer-A pretty laundress.
How much cold can a bare bear bear?
Time to set traps for weather proph-
cts.
The January thaw is in hurry this
Is Hindoo's tan the same as other peo-
ple's?
Courtship is draw game-marriage
il tie.
Nobody was ever killed by train of
thought.
The mother of vinegar is very sharp
old lady.
Full of interest-The ledger of saw
ings bank.
The wind always finds something to
DlOW about.
Some editors are so VERY they weary
their readers.
Man expects every body to be true to
him but himself
"Ice swear" said he when he fell on
the icy pavement.
This is the way they said it in Chica-
go-"Shapy nooyr."
Every paper can easily get its snooze
now, this is sleep year.
Day cracks at about 80 o'clock, but
1t doesn't break until nearly.
~ think TIL take something as the
tLief said when he mixed in the crowd.
Grants manipulators have again
Launched upon his head the curse OF
roam.u
Why does asparagus resemble long
sermons? Because the ends are most
sought after.
When a man rushes from his club
in to thestreet in towering passion it's
an outrage.
Bucks are 30 thick on the North Car
DINA shore that the fishes have to take
to the woods.
OF course our readers understand
that this column is mainly made up of
shear nonsense.
Jules Simon tells his fellow-citizens,
1--WE are living at q time when nobody
can take rest"
Mr.. Hayes sees with alarm that al
though there are two IS in the present
year there is no Z.
Any man pays too much for his
whistle when he has wet it fifteen or
twenty times day.
Some students think it necessary to
be behind in their lessons in order to
pursue their studies.
Lots of Yale Students are color blind,
and q read-heaiei girl stands fair
show in New Haven.
But few men can handle hot lamp
chimney aud say there is no place like
home at the same lime.
A sufferer says there is an advantage
In having Indian parents-that mOcca-
sins are softer than slippers.
Why is boys musta The played upon
by the breeze like a tree uproOted by the
gale? Because its blown down.
This year is leap year, and 3 girl who
doesn't get married before May day
isn't much of hand at business.
The small boy who reached up the
chimney for another christmas present
found something that sooted him.
A preach ing-match is announced to
take place in Scotland. 1t must be a
trick to bring sporting men to church.
An American would submit to b.
locked up in railroad car just long
enough to enable him to kick the door |
down.
It takes six years to teach bear to
dance, and even then he is apt to stop
in the middle of waltz and eat some
small boy up.
"a Woman After All" is the title Of
q book before us. That's it. That is |
the thing they are usually after, and
they get it, too.
Put away his little musket,
He will never need it more;
Back the guns must now be toted
To the city Of Bangore.
Country butter-maker, as with deep
disgust he smells the specimens of oleo-
margarine at the recent dairy fair:
dead omnibus horses, sure"
A Chicago mans nightmare turned
out to be the shadow Of his wife's foot
on the bedroom wall, instead of an UNI |
earthly monster with five horns.
Mabel's sitting in the freight,
Waiting for her lover true;
ALL the room is filled with darkness
'Tis the shadow of her shoe.
4 =
An Indianian said to a young man
who chaffed him upon his bald head:k