The Russellville Democrat., 1880-04-29

talnly," persisted the Engllshman. "I tell you do not" replied the child, al- most impatiently and very emphatically My papa knows English I s'pose, but only know two words in English, J And What are they?" "Ouseand 'orse. 1 CREAM OF THE MAILS. Nuggets of Wit and wisdom From ou,
 Exchanges.
 Oh. there's many q jolly thing
 For then It IS that Nature her miracles doth
 But of all the things that sprout, | The best, beyond doubt
 Is the canvas-tented, sawdust scented always St. Louis Republican.
 There was once tiller of the soil Who became so disgusted with toll l That he sold out his farm, | And, not thinking of harm, All his money he invested in oil;
 He's HOW working by the day. Summer time will come again. With its softly blowing zephyrs, Lowing kine are in the fields; Some are cows and some are heifers. -Tennyson, when very young.
 WHICH?
 Water your cows thoroughly and you will have large yield of milk" says an agricultural authority. If it is a good rule, 1t will work the other way, Milk yoar cows thoroughly and you will have large yield of water" We'll leave it to the milkmen to decide.--New Hauea Register.
 BAsHFUL CHICKEN.
 In Boston lady operates the Central 1 Office of the telephone lines, and it is beautiful to see the rich blood mantle the cheek of the Boston drummer as he listens to the plaintive 'hellow!" from those supposedly sweet lips! The Boston drummer is bashful chlcken.-Boston 1rdnscript.
 HE'LL BE AsToNIsHED.
 They buried a can of nitro-glycerine l in the coffin of man in Troy. Now if that man was a materialist, when the great horn sounds on the last day and he begins moving around, and gives that spirit in that neighborhood.- Cay Derrick.
 l A PRETTY FAIR INFERENCE. Limerick: No; we cannot tell you what the sign is when you're followed by black cat, but when you're followed by black dog the sign is that you'd bet ter climb tree, and the neighbors will take it for sign that you've been fooling about the hen-house of the dogs owner. -Boston Post
 | THIS MAN IS POSTED. l Never give your children anything be- cause they cry forit, says person who never took care of child at all. We'd like to put that fellow to sleep in the room with baby that had eaten all the current jelly on the supper table. Be- fore two o'clock in the morning he would be willing to give it deed of all his real estate, and bill of sale of his per sonal property, if he thought it twas cry ing for them.-Nse Hauen Register.
 REMARKABLE ROOSTER, THAT!
 A wise-looking old chanticleer who had been frightened almost out of his last years crop by couple of risky young oxen, flew upon an empty coop and called his numerous family around him, saying, What line from Tennyson do l remind you ofT The cackling tribe vainly tried to come up to the scratch and catch the conunder'em, and they awaited the reply of their chief in silence. He cooked his head on one side and simply said, Hens, these steersl"-Xylophonics.
 DO THEY ALL PAN OUT THAT WAY.
 The choice some people make of mat rimonial partners is hard to understand. A young Maine farmer married highly cultured Boston girl who didn't know the first thing about housekeeping, but had devoted her youth to the study of geology and mineralogy, and when he took her home, instead of attending to household duties, she went roaming about the farm, and soon discovered on her husbands land gold mine worth $40,0OO. You can't always tell how amatch will turn out.-Boston Poet.
 WORDS THAT RHYME.
 But few words rhyme with "adver- tiser."
 The advertiser, | He is wiser
 | Than the Kaiser. About exhausts the panel.-Frse Press. Indeed. Then perhaps you never heard that: There once was miser, who lived by geyser on fast-rolling Iser, and mar red Elizer, and tried to advise her that no early riser would ever dispise her, but highly would prize her, if early she hies her to kitchen and fries her old mans appetizer Tn the shape of good breakfast before he gets up in the morn ing. And the panel isn't exhausted yet. Philadelphia Bulletin.
 ART VERSUS NATURE.
 There is one defect in art which few are aware of. We refer to the toes in human figures. You look at picture or piece of statuary, where the feet are barred, and you will find that the toes are made straight. This is not natural It is right the reverse. You look at your own toes, and you will see that they lap over each other, and the nails are so turned around that you have to get be- hind yourself to pare them. Our atten- tion has been called to this matter by a junior of the firm of Sharp & Shearum who has been so long in the hardware business as to make him sensitive as to any deficiency in the artistic.-D Dsnbury Nefpe