National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1880-06-04

THE $4,000 made by Mary Au-..-5- lhi.
season did not affect her age. Her step-pa,
the colonel, grows old apace, but Mary is still
nineteen.
TEN-INcH centipedes are caught at San
Augustine, Texas. We shall not engage board
there this summer. COckroaches are good
enough for us.
IT is only tho female mosquito that bites,
but when man gets chance to belt one with
q towel he's going to do it without stopping
to inquire as to its gender.
ABOUT ten cents worth of damage was done
to fence by boy with knife at Galesburg,
Ill. The owner MANNED the boy for life by
kicking him, and has had to pay $4,000.
TAKE your ulster and 20 ana live in the
intcrstelar spaces. At the present moment the
Thermometer there stands at about 1913 degrees
below the Fahrenheit freezing point An
drow's Queen.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON keeps two cows
and milks them himself. Some of his bright
ost thoughts have come to him while being
kicked halfway across the stable" says the
Detroit Free Press.
SIX medical experts examined man us to
his sanity and wcrs evenly divided. After they
had wrangled about it for "a week it was dis
covered that they had examined the wrong
person altogether.
~ KNOW victim to tobacco" said lee
turer, "who hasn't tasted food for thirty years"
How do you know he hasn't p asked an
auditor. Because tobacco killed him in
1850" was the reply.
TT looks very suspicious for woman to
bring home basket Of green apples and Gu
cumbors tho next day after her husband in.
surcs his life for heavy amount [Philadel-
phia ChrOniCle-Herad.
ABOUT this time expect to see her walk into
the parlor and say "Av ye place, mum, l
thought I'd be going down to the bache to the
hotel, an me cousins gone already, mum, and
Tll be going tomorrow"
BEWARE of the man who always smiles
when he talks politics. A genuine, whole
souled politician generally gets mad aud says
things that wouldn't look well on paper
[Hackensack Republican.
THE Boston Post informs us that Queen Vic
toria is a powerful sneezcr. Now we under
stand the laurates famous line, Blow, bugle,
blow. set the wild echoes nying." Tennyson
nose what he's about.-[Com. Adv.
REPORTS from every direction of deaths by
sunstroke, and summer not yet come. Is this
season, like all that have preceded it, to be
phenomenal aud ruin the reputation of the
few remaining weather prophets ?-[ Buffalo
Express.
MADAME, who is of great cmbonpoint asks
her husband in what character she shall at
tend the masquerade. AS captive balloon"
he said "How must dress in that charac-
ter2" "Simply by tying n string to your
foot ~ answered the brute
THE extent to which counterfeit coins cir
culate is illustrated by the street car company
of Memphis, Tenn which displays in its office
brick, tho size of an ordinary cigar box,
made of tho counterfeit fve.cent pieces col
lectod in tho car cash boxes.
A WISCONSIN, clergyman preached on the sin
Of attending to money matters on Sunday, and
when the deacon passed the contribution box
not Il person would put cent in It, and some
how the preacher didn't feel ilattered at tho
effect the sermon had produced.
WHEN Michigan man goes to law, even
though ho wins his case, he is not satisfied il
his attorney fails to insinuato that tho oppo-
sing counsel Is an oX-horse thief and pirate.
That is what makes it always fun to watch u
trial in Michigan Boston Post.
AN eastern man who recently went west
writes back that he would rather be hanged
in Massachusetts than die n natural death in
Kansas. lie should return at once, for it Is
much easier to get hanged in tho east than die
natural death in the vest Philadelphia
News.
81 AM like the month of March, remarked
Mr. S0beisidcs rs he started for the door, and
then he stepped on banana peeling and went
down n flight Of stairs and half way across the
street on tho small Of his back, aud he added,
cxplanatorly, II go out like lyin'."-L Bur.
lington Hawkcye.
A WAC brought horse driven by Young
man to stop in the street by the word
whoa" aud said to the driver, "Thats II fine
horse you have there" Yes" answered the
young mau, "but he has one fault He was
formerly owned by u hatcher and always stops
when he hears calf bloat"
EVERY man." said Mark Lemon one eyon-
ing Mt his club, "has his peculiaritios, though
think / am rs free from them rs most mon (;
Mt any rate, l don't know what they are"
Nobody contradicted the editor of Pmlch, but
after a while Albert Smith asked, (which
hand do you shave with, unceW with my
right hand ;" replied Lemon. "Ah," returned
the other, that's your popularity most
people shave with a razor"
! WICKED Paris paper says that since tho
curatc Bichory retired in disgust because ho
was required TO carry Mrs, Loyson'5 Goals up
stairs, the Gallican church. founded with such
a flourish of rumpets by NJ Loysou, consists of
Monsieur Madame and buby." This is
equal to what was said of the Postiyst church
in London, namely, that it consisted Of three
( persons ana no God"-the three persons being
Dr. Congreeve Mr., Frederick Harrison aud