The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-12-08

a domestic with very red hair,
Who hailed from the county Kildare,
Put some oil in the stove.
Then went quickly above
When she lands We'll her headstone prepare.
81 wish [ was a pudding mama s'Why?"
Cause | should have a lot of sugar put into
me-"
The happiest and most humorous journal
is Puck, but an October persimmon is q great
deal pucker.
The bee can give q stinging retort and yet
keep its mouth shut. This is where it has the
advantage of the campaign orator.
a clothes line loaded with striped stockings
and things makes a back yard look like a ma
rine display Of the flags of all nations.
A medical writer asks: ''Does position af-
feet sleep?" Well, rather; if you're hung up
by your trowsers OF a spiked fence, you
won't sleep well.
"Landlady, said he, ttthe coffee isn't set
tied" She ~replied-s'But it comes as near to
it as your last months board bill does" He
neve7 spoke again.
1t cost Mr.. Bach, of Harrodsburg, Ken
lucky, 800 to kiss Miss Barton against her
will. Some girls would have said, put that
Back where you got it.
The weather is so bad in Louisville that the
Courier Journal has left off election returns
with the remark that it is a good time to study
the designs of female hose.
Father-Charley, I see no improvement in
your marks. Charley-Yes, pepa; it is high
time you had q serious talk with the teacher,
or else he'll keep on that way forever.
Il believe, said a Galveston judge to q
rough-looking customer, s'that all the scoun-
drels in Galveston are harbored in your den."
Il never saw you there yet, Jedge."
John Cornelius, of Plumstead, England,
fell dead as he was running home out of the
rain. He was one of the ssnoble six hundred
who were caught out at Balaklava in 1864.
'sShall we dancer" asks the Syracuse Stan
dard. If you step on q carpet tack or run
your shin bone against a rocking chair, when
in search of the soothing syrup, you will
dance without stopping to ask any questions.
"Pears to me your mill goes awful slow,
said an impatient farmer boy to a miller; 81
could eat that meal EASTERN your grindin' it."
GLOW long do you think you could do it, my
lad?" quoth the miller SsTill / starved to
death" answered the boy.
"Are you a good rider?" asked the livery
man. II am" replied the customer, and just
then the hprse snorted, stood on its hands,
came down and bucked, and the customer
went on, from his high seat on the hay NOW,
''See how easily / get off,
Ahandsome lady entered q dry goods store
and inquired for q bow The polite clerk
threw himself back and remarked that he
at her service, Eyes, but / want q buff,
not q green one,' was the reply. The young
man went on measuring goods Immediately.
A couple Of peasants discuss the fertility
of their respective provinces: Sat Bor-
said one, IF you let a match fall TO
the ground, the next year there will grow up
q forest" "At Marseilles," cried the other,
triumphantly, 'you let q suspender button
lall, anu IL eignt uays you WILL nave d pair OF
pantaloons ready made"
The Buffalo Egpress wants to know who
kissing. We don't think it was ev-
er invented, it just came kind O natural, like
! ssshock of sugar-coated electricity. Our
irst mother in her maiden innocence asked
Adam to tell her if her back hair was all
light, and we presume he couldn't help it.
We couldn'tif we had been Adam, and the
mother away at prayer meeting.
Some sections never do learn anything.
Whenever they and any lost goods and chat
Of whatever description, in q church,
hey hang it in a chandelier. AND this was
be reason why a congregation at Cohoes sat,
ast Sunday, all through the sermon, and
rinned and giggled at a long garter that
angled from the chandelier. And when
ley were singing the doxology, it fell off
nd dropped on the head of a bashful young
Ian, and they carried him out for dead.
--r +sN@@e
A Story From Paris.
-