Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-07-07
That Hat,

CHCb PldJSu Ou hhls' H4ah "oo Pt"JOe
last week in this city, and the fact that
there is no vigilance committee here is
the only reason the perpetrators ofthe
trick arc alive. 4 business man had
Just purchased o new stuff hat, and he
went into saloon with half dozen
friends to lit The hat on his head. They
all took beer and passed the hat around
so all could see it. One Of the meanest
men that ever held a country office
went to the bartender and had thin
slice Of limberg cheese cut of, and
when the party were looking at the =
frescoed ceiling through beer glasses,
this wicked person slipped the cheese
under the sweat leather Of the hat, aud
tue man put it on and walked out. The
man who owned the hat is one Of your
nervous people, who is always COM
planning of being sick, and who feels a
though some dreadful disease was going
to take possession Of him and carry.
hlm ca. Ho vent back to his place of
business, took of his hat and laid 1t on
the table, and proceeded to answer
some letters. He thought he detected
a smell, and when his partner asked
him If he didn't feel sick, be said he be-
lieVed he did. a clerk said that it was
evident that somebody's feet needed
washing. The man turned pale. and
said he guessed he would 90 home.
he met man on the sidewalk who
said the air was full of miasma, and in
the street car q man who sat next to
him moved away TO the end Of the C ar,
aud asked him if he had just come from
Chicago. The man with the hat said
he had not, when the stranger said they
were having q great deal OF smallpox
there, and he guessed he would get out
and walk, aud he pulled .he bell and
ismped of. The cold perspiration
broke out on the forehead Of the man
with new hat, and be took it of to
wipe his forehead, when the whole
piece Of cheese seemed TO roll over and
breathe, and the man got the full bsne-
fit OF It, and he came near fainting
away. He got home, and his wife met
him ard asked him what was the mat
ter. lie said he believed modification
had set in, and she took one Whit, as
he took or his hat, and said she should
think it had. Where did you get into
il p said she. Get into it!' SAID the
man, L have not got into anything,
hut some deadly disease got hold OF
me, and I shall not liye.' She told
him if any disease that smelled like that
had got hold of him, and was to be
chronic. she felt as though he would be
4 burden 10 himself if he lived very
long. She got his clothes of, soaked
his feet in mustard water, and he slept.
The hat was lying on the center table,
ane the children would come in and
get a smell of it aud look at each other
with reproachful glances, aud go out
and play. The man slept and dreamed
that a smallpox flag was hung in front
Of his house and that he was riding in
butcher wagon to the pest-housc. The
woman sent for doctor, and when the
man of pills arrived she told him all
about the case. The doctor picked up
tie PATIENTS new hat, tried 1t on, aud
got suif. He said the hat was picks
ed before it was ripe. The doctor and
the wife held post-mortem examina-
ton Of the hat, and found the slice OF
limberg. Few and short were the
prayers they said.' They woke the
patent, and to prepare his mind for the
revelation that was about to be made,
the doctor asked him If his worldly al
fairs were in satisfactory condition.
He gasped and said they were. The
doctor asked him il he had made his
will. He said he had not, but that nc
wanted q lawyer sent for at once. The
doctor asked hun # he felt as though
he was prepared to shuttle OF. Inc
man SAID he had always tried to lead
different life. and had tried to be done
BY the same as he would do 1t himself
but that he might have made a mistake
some way, and that he would ike 70
have a minister sent for TO take an ac-
count Of stock.
Then the doctor brought to the bed
side the hat, opened up the sweat
leather and showed the dying man
what it was that smelled so, aud told
him he was as we'll as any man IN the
city. The. patient pinchcd himself to
see if be was alive, and jumped out oil
tbed and called for his revolver. and the
doctor couldn't keep up with him on
the way down town. The last we saw
of the oaoriferous citizsn.he was trying
70 bribe the bartender to tell him
which one Of those pelicans it was'thas
nut that slice OF cheese IN bis hat linz
ing.
Fashionable plckpockets in London