Litchfield enquirer., 1880-09-23
CLIPPINGS.


According to Richard Grant White, thug"
is word that embraces great DEAL
1t is difficult to become familiar with the
wheels OF watch, so many of them! travel
incog. 80
Husband Mary, my love-, this apple
dumping is not half DONE" Wife-''finish it,
then. my dear"
Never does man believe so strongly in the
attraction of gravitation as when he sits down
in chair and finds it gone.
Grandpa-"Now, Tommy, can you tell me
where port comes from ?" Tommy-"No, sir :;
but know where it goes to-" The question is
not pressed. ff|i.' n
Another poet comes forward and says ;
"And | hear the hiss of scorching kiss. y
Beats all what a man can hear if he Is only
mean enough to listen. s. -
Under the laws of Illinois what person sees
through key-hole cannot be accepted as evil
dence in court. There is constant tide of
emigration to Illinois, Ea#: H f.HE
A young lady wrote some verses for paper
about her birthday, and headed them MAY
3Oth." 1t almost made her hair turn gray
whenit appeared in print, "My 3Oth."
How time changes! In the good Old Tesla.
ment days it was considered miracle for an
ass to speak, and now nothing short of mira
Gle will keep one quiet. -ssTs -.EtAg
''Will you have eight plumes on the
hearse?' said the disconsolate widow to the
stony undertaken. Eyes. madam, he shall 60
in full feather" .r~v
The Sun prints poem every morning and
always puts directly under it the advertise
ment of patent medicine which cures cramps
and collie. 1t is such careful care for the
health and convenience of its readers that
makes the Sun so invaluable.
Jericho, VT. has citizen whose prefes-
sion is that of breaking the news to the family
when any one is accidentally killed, and he
doe, it in such neat manner that they are
almost glad it happened.
"Would yon like to wash your hands be-
fore dinner?" asked the host, pointing to the
conveniences.. mo, certainly not" re-
sponded the guest. s''Great Scott man,
do you.suppose | eat with my fngers2"
The senior Greek professor, in his lecture
to the juniors the other day, speaking of the
marriage of Venus and Vulcan, remarked
that ''the handsomest women generally mar
ry the homeliest men" adding grimly, there's
encouragement for good many of YOU"
A Secret-''Can you keep secret Pr said
Mr.. Middlerib, impressively, looking at his
wife. "Indeed l can," she exclaimed eager
ly, running across the room that she might
cling to the lappels of his coat while she
listened. "Well," said the brutal man, ssyou
can do a great deal more than can, then. I
never could remember one long enough to tell
it," III. s.5l
"Bob Brown. did you say that my father
had not as much sense as Billy Smiths little
yellow dog?" "No l never said any such
thing. l never said that your father had not
dog. All said was that Billy's little yellow
dog had more sense than your father; that's
all ever said." SWELL it's well you didn't
say the other, I tell you"
b A Journalistic item: Gilhooly is talking
about starting new paper in Galveston and
was telling a friend about it. ,"You can
borrow fifty dollars and start new paper, "
said the friend encouragingly You darned
would want to start paper for? | want
to start paper SO can borrow the fifty dol
lars" r
. They stopped, and looked, and commented
upon his being drunk or asleep. Finally one
said, 30 come along. can't you see the fell
lows drunk ?" Up came the head of the
tirowsey individual, and his eyes half un-
closed. feered at the man who had just spoken
as he answered with big oath, Eyes, inner
drunk, bnt Gamer get over that. You're q
durn (hie) fool and you'll never (hic) get
over that"
A slight mistake He had not seen his
friend for some years. The other day he met
him coming up Galveston avenue, with his
wife on his arm, accompanied bv little boy,
and ,said II. would have known you any,
where by that boy. He has got your mouth
and chin, but his nose, eyes and forehead are
precisely like his mothers. never saw such
perfect resemblance" The boy was an
adopted one. Tableau.
The brilliant amateur:
He Is at the studio of a painter who has
just finished q picture representing the interior
of a cottage in the fifteenth century,. ''''' 20
"Charming!" cries he; adorable! What
color! What fidelity to the epoch l"
Then he added:
Zone criticism-the cat doesn't look old
enoughr'
-Newppif, d ifnos sppests fsnaindsa a.os,-
that John G. SAKE wrote in his palmy days
of Saratoga's, plethora of yyisitors-a very fun
ny and rather wicked little poem, which winds
up in this fashion:
Such straight necks and bow necks,
Such dark necks and snow necks,
And high necks and low necks,
With this sort and that sort,
The lean and the fat sort,
The bright and the flat sort "A
Saratoga is cranfaed full, ss
And rammedfull, and jammed fun,
q dare not say--fullD
FROM THE DANBURY NEWS.
The State is again infested with -tramps.
Necessity knows s no law. I 3D.
The moon had very red face, Friday night,
although nowhere near full.
The Obelisk shirt Is in the market. Made
with Gleopatra's needle, perhaps
Bridgeport has taillesss dog, being born
without any reference to tinware.
1t is SO cold up in Litchfeld county that the
farmers are taking down their scarecrows and
putting them on.
The Thermometer stood at ninety on Mon
day, and at sixty on Tuesday. But what
we lack in climate we make up in scene
:" OIIIC.CnI II