Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-02-20
Edison's Cats.

4uo WOtlO 0eo l0oIu0O 70 0ov0 8xooo
deal Of faith in Edison. He may net
always succeed in reaching the ends b
aims at, but he has succeeded in doing
some things which seemed preposter-
ous when they were proposed and
when he says he is going TO do certain
thing everybody believes him. That
is, everybody but the scientists. The
quality in which scientists aro
lacking is faith. As soon as Edison
invents anything and puts it into
practical operation the scientists invari-
ably como forward with mathematical,
chemical and philosophical demonstra-
tons that that particular continuance il
practical impossibility. The demon.
STATIONS are always lucid and couclu-
sive and they would be convincing If
Edison did not persist, in peculiarly
offensive manner, in permitting the
invention to do its work regularly and
effectively just as if there were no
argumentative scientists anywhere
about. We have no doubt at all that
he will behave in precisely the Same
manner when his new machine for the
utilization of cats is fully developed and
placed in operation. This promises to
be one Of the greatest of the many
Blooms that he has conferred on man
kind. The field in which he has been
exploring has been examined many
times before. More than one other
fruitful and ingenious mind has at
tempted to solve the problem OF the
profitable employment Of cats /; but
nothing has been achieved beyond tho
occasional construction Of veal pies and
the use of the fur for the manufacture
of Siberian squirrel muffs. Mr.. Edison,
in investigating the matter, not nnnatu-
rally had his attention directed to tho
cat as in q certain sense source OF
electrical power his mind reverting to
| the days of his childhood when he
produced brilliant electrical corusca-
tons from the spinal column of the
household cat by simple process ct
friction. The thought occurred to him
that this electrical element in the cat
might possibly be adapted and con-
trolled in some manner to the benefit OF
man.
While he was perfecting his electric
light, therefore, he concluded to try to
ascertain whether the introduction Of
q cat into the circuit would i'll any
manner contribute to the luminosity OF
the effulgence, il we msy be allowed to
strain after an expression. According
ly Edison procured q cat of unusual
size and ferocity and affixed the wires
to it, using ss electrodes one OF its fore
paws and one of its hind paws. Then
he turned on the current. The rumor
which circulated about Menlo Park for
day or two afterwards, that murder
had been committed, when traced to
its source proved to have been merely
the result of wild vail Of anguish
which was heard by the people of the
place at the instant the circuit was COM
pleted. The cat was endeavoring to
express its views OF Edison's proceed
ing. But Edison had his eye upon the
light and he was overjoyed to observe
that whereas it used to have power OF
one hundred and twenty candles, tho
presence of the cat had intensified it to
a power of one hundred and seventy
candles and niue students lamps.
Stimulated by the success Of this ex-
pertinent, he procured seven other cats
and strung them together with copper
wire. When the current was turned ON.
the people of Menlo Park. frenxied
with the thought that tragedy OF .
bloody nature was being enacted,
rushed out with shot guns. But Edi-
son calmly observed his carbon horse
shoe in the exhausted receiver and per-
ceived that the power of the light had
been increased an incalculable number
OF times. While he was explaining to
a friend that the power could be aOcu-
rately calculated and defined by multi
plying the distance by the square Of
the cats or the cat by the square OF
the distance, or in some such manner.
he inadvertently laid his hand upon the
back of the largest cat. Instantly tho
light was extinguishsd, Edison's hand
was badly injured and the cats, break
ing from the circuit fled through The
windows.
There is an uncertainty as to whether
the liberation OF his hand was caused
by an electrical discharge or by tho
claws of an Infatuated animal but the
question of the utilization of cats was
solved. Give Archimedes q fulcrum
and he would move the world. Give
Edison cats enough and he will reduce
the sun to spot of blackness in the
sky. And so, unless the Woman's
Branch of the Society for the Protec-
ton Of Animals from the Cruelty of
Inhuman Persons who subject them 70
Torture under Pretense of making
Scientific Investigation and of enlarging
the general Sphere of Human Knowl-
edge, shall interfere. there can be little
doubt that, sooner or later, the harmless
necessary cat, in every household, will
soon be wired up, when the cleaning
comes, and compelled to supply illu-
mination to the family circle. This Il
Edison's last, best gift to man. The
cat, instead Of spending its evenings
lawlessly and vociferously, poised upoA
the summit of the midnight fence, viii
beam lustrously in the sitting-room.
food the hall with radiance and make
tho dismal recesses Of the kitchen
bright with q MONDAY glory. Edison,
no doubt, is the most extraordinary
man now on earth.-Philadslphia B&I-
tetin.
Last week two young ladies Of this
city found their sleep interpolated with
4 two cats beneath the window. A ooun.
cil of war was held, and one OF then
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