Daily Republican., 1880-01-15
HUMOROUs.


way down town aftsr dinner he stoppe'
and exchanged the key Tor another
explaining that the first wouldn't ft
These changes took place twice a da.
for the next four days. the citizen be
ing unable to get q key that would tit
On the sixth day he drove up to th'
store with door on the dray, and cal
ling to the proprietor, he said;
"Brinz your box Of keys out here ant
we'll get key to fit that lock. Her,
have been running back and forth
for about week, and might not hav.
got fit for about month If my wife
had not suggested that | bring the door
down here.
"But why didn't you take the lock
of and bring 1t down in your pocketl'
asked the dealer.
The buyer looked at him In a vacant
way, stared at the door and sat down
on the curbstone with the remark,
"It's a wonder that the whole family
wasn't sent to the fool house ten years
ago."
A Maine man took charge Of coun-
try school on the Eastern Shore OF
Maryland, and the first hoy VINO took
the stage on defamation day, commen-
ced:
"New Epgland's dead !"
"It's laundering lie," interrupted
the teacher, wrathtully; "its one of
Ben Buffers elec,iJn lies ~
al was coming on to that, sir" said
the frightened lad. son every hill
they lie."
That's better, my boy, and here
after 1t you h-ar any one repeat the
slanier, tell him It's an internal lie,
and If he amt too large, send him to
me. Schools dismissed. | can't
stand any more rebel slang to-day.
We dou Y know whether it /, old or
not, but We heard lady ask friend in
& street car, the other day:
Annie is it proper to say this ERE,
that ERE :"
why, Kate, of course not" was tho
reply.
swell, said Kate, 81 don't know
whether it is proper or not, but | feel
cold In this ear from that air.
The conductor tainted.
Two raw Highlanders, Donald and
Dugald, are walking along street in
st. Aungo, when they come on water
cart. "Hi |" shouts Dugald to the
driver, "hi you're losing all your
water !" Then Donald comes in; "Ob,
Dugald, Dugald, dinna show your
ignorance. The water is meant to keep
boys from riding on the back OF the
cart !"
"And how Is your daughter Mrs.
Browni" inquired one nicely dressed
lady Of another.
"She's well enough suppose. /
haven't seen her to speak too for six
weeks"
"Why thought you were on the
most frieHdly terms"
"Wsll, We used to be, but we've ex.
changed servants"
A green Young man saw for the first
time schoolgirl going through some
Of her gymnastic exercises for the
amusement of the little ones at homo.
After gazing at her with looks of in
terest and csmmiseration for some time,
he aeksd boy near by: "Has that gal
got fitsf" 'No," replied the lad con-
temptuously, hatsgymnastics." " "Oh
it's, hey :" replied the verdant. "How
long has she had 'em."
Little Billy has been t ken to So,
his old uncle, who is 80 = f'hs' b
cannot hear single word without re-
course 10 his ear trumpet. Billy watch
es the movements of this instrument
for some tims with great interest and
then exclaims: "Mama, what oes un-
Gle try all the time to play the horn
with his ear for when he can't make 1t |
CO."
The art Of being gallant Is quite lost.
The defunet Marquis d. Entragues was
the man for making compliments. One
day he was playing billiards with the
Princess deFox. " 1t must be that |
am very awkard," said she; al can't
touch ball." i" Princess" said the
Marquis, " that Is because billiard
ball is not heart"
Mother to her daughter Gust seven
years old)-Whst makes you look SO
sad, Carrief Carrie, looking at her
baby brother (three weeks old)-I was
just thinking that in about ten years
from now, when l shall be entering
company, and having beaux, that
brother Of mine will be just old enough |
to bother the life out of me.
The game law Ia now "oH," and the
copsiderate farmer coop his poultry
securely. He doesn't propose to have
his premium Cochin Chinas shot for
woodcocks, by rising young sports
men.
Upon the marriage of Miss Wheat Of
Virginia, an editor hoped that he
path might be howery, and that she
might be thrashed by her husband.
This free education 10 getting play.o
out when dinner Is made late by b
Cooks stopping work 10 discuss b
principles of evolution with 10,
agent.
A Baptist clergyman says the reason
why the Baptist church is like beav-
sr's hut is because there Is but one en-.
trance to II, and that Is under water.
The best cure for insomnia is q cheer
ful bedroom, Pickering fire, the recol-
lections Of good Joke, and little some
hing hot.
The most afflicted part Of house Is
The window. It is always has panes--
and who has not Seen more than one
window blind
There may be something awfully
funnv In a nIaoa I'd pinpAd an a ,o,n, |