The Portland daily press., 1880-10-27
brooklyn Eagle.l
Catching a Burglar.

Say, my DEAR" calculated Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, sitting upright in bed with a sudden
jerk; "say, my dear, wake up! hear burglars
in the house."
"Who? what burglars?" demanded Mrs.
Spoopendyke as she popped up beside her hus
band. "Who's in the house?"
"Hush! Quiet. will We? don't know which
burglar, but hear some one moving around"
ooh, my! What shall we do?" inquired Mrs
Spoopendyke. Lets cover up our heads"
"Why don't you get up and light the gas?''
propounded Mr.. Spoopendyke in hoarse
whisper. "S'pose you can see who it is in the
dark? Strike a light, can't ye? If ye had
your way we'd beth be murdered in bed. Go
ing to light up before we're klled?"
I'm afraid,' whispered Mrs Spoopendyke,
sticking one foot out of bed and hauling it In
as if she had caught fish with it.
Going to sit there like shot tower and
have our threats cut?" Intercepted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "How'm 1 going to find burglar
without light? Find a match and light the
measly gas, now. quick"
Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled out of bed and
hunted around for skirt.
"What's the matter twith you? Can't you
find match? Why don't you mover" Missed
Mr.. SpOOpendyke.
81 am as fast as 1 cam" replied his wife, her
teeth chattering "I'm looking for pin"
ooh, you're moving like a railroad. amt ye?
never saw anything ay like you do. All you
want is to be done up in blue and white paper
to be seidlitz powder What dye want of
pin? Going to stick it into the burglar? Why
don't you light that gas?
Mrs. Spoopendyke broke half dozen
matches and finally got a light.
':That's something like it?" continued Mr..
Spoopendyke, "Now hand me my pantar
looms"
"You won't go down where they are will
you?" anxiously inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke,
handing over the garment.
Mr.. Spoopendyke vouchsafed no reply, but
donned the habiliments.
"Now. you open the door," said he, "and go
to the head OF the stairs and ask who's there,
while find my stick. Hurry up, or they'll
get away"
"S'pose they are there? What'll do them"
"Tell EN- Pm coming. Go ask 'em, will We?
What's the matter with you?'
'Mrs. Spoopendyke opened the door about
an inch and squealed "Who's there?' slammed
the door again and popped into bed.
What dye think you are, any way, a conical
shot? Get up. can't ye, and look out. Where's
my big stick? What have you done with it?
Sent it away to school, haven't We? Go out
and ask who's there, will ye, before they come
Once more Mrs. Spoopendyke approached
the door and TREMENDOUSLY demanded what was
going on--there was no response, to her meal
culable relief, and she went to the head of the
stairs.
"See anybody" whispered Mr.. Spoopeudyke
looking over her shoulder.
who's there?" squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
go right away, because nv husband is here"
"Oh, you've done It'll" exclaimed Mr. Spoop-
endyke as he hauled back into the room. "Now
how dye s'pose I'm going to catch 'em? What
do you want to scare 'em away for? What'd
you say anything about me for? Think this is
a nominating convention? What made you
leave the house open? Come on down with
me, and I'll show you how to lock up.'
Down they went, and a careful scrutiny DEM
onstrated that everything was fast.
Il don't believe there was anybody there"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as they returned to
their chamber.
"It wasn't your fault" retorted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. eff you'd got up when told you, and
kept your mouth shut, we'd have got 'em."
but you said for me-"
Didn't say anything of the Sort" howled
Mr.. Observation-Disclosures mentioned your
name. We might have been killed the way
you went to work."
81 think we'd caught them if they'd been
there said Mrs. Spoopendyke, taking down
her hair and proceeding to .pnt it up again.
Spoopendyke. GAIL you want is some chic
ride of lime and your accounts short to be
penitentiary. Another time burglar gets in
the house you stay AIDED, and don't you wake
me up again. I won't have any dod-gasted
woman routing me out this time of night, you
hear?
eyes, DEAR" and Mrs. Spoopendyke wound
shirt, and went to sleep secure in his protec-
ton.