The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-10-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

' A man cares little for his wrongs
when getting his funeral rites.
A pistol is we'll enough, thinks Tho
Buffalo Courier, but there is always a
fool 1T one end or the other of it.
~Young man, said Mr.. Daniel Rice,
ards grave?" @Well," replied the
y0unx man. sIf don't care il 1 do.
Rhereabouts is your family LOTT"
The observant "smalI boy'' went to
church and heard the minister repeat
edly say in his prayer, "Grant us, o
Lord" He reported at home that the
minister "come out strong for Grant :"
y The sick man had been brought back
as If by miracle, from the very gates
Of death. at is too bad, too bad"
says the cler2yman; 'he'll never be
half IS ready TO die as had him this
time. ] never took SO much pains
with . sinner before"
"Will 200 know me, mamma, when
we get to Heaven?" said little 81 year
old 'tOh, yes, dear, of course, we
shall know each other there. Do you
think you will know your mammal"
.'Oh, 'es. I'll know 200 by 700 wed
hair"
'tWhat's the matter, my dear?" said
sat for half an hour with his face bur-
led in his hands, and apparently in
great tribulation. "Oh, don't know !;
I've felt like a fool all day." "WeIl,"
said his wife consolingly, "yOu look
the very picture of what you feel"
! A company of scrapegraces meeting
. pious old man named Samson, one of
them exclaimed. "Ah, now we're
safe. Well take Samson along with
US, and then, should we be set upon
by . thousand Philistines, he'll slay
them au.s my young friend, quiet
ly responded the old man, "to do that
! should have to borrow your jaw
boner'
An eminent hnancier, feeling his end
approach, sends for his Spiritual advi-
ser, and confesses to him that he has
been guilty of many sins of commits
sion and Of emission. "Of omission,
you mean," says the clergyman. mo,
of emission,-emittingw watered stocks
and bogus California gold-mining
company shares for the lambs to
browse on,-that's what mean"
| Ipsy $40 . year. Girl-That is not
enough. Lady-But besides you will
get presents that you don't get every
where $40 at Easter, q new dress at
Christmas, and $2 every time there is
. baptism in the family. Girl-But 1
can not depend on getting the last
item every year for a certainty. Lady
When say a thing mean it. 1t
has been the custom in our family, and
as long as live it will not be abolish
ed.
A cautious writer will always be on
his guard against the accumulation of
proofs lest that should happen to him
which is said to have occurred to
Bishop Bloomfield. After the learned
Bishop had preached q sermon on the
existence Of God, an admiring farmer
was heard to say: "Our Bishops a
main good preacher, but can't help
thinking as how there be God after
ALL"
quick-witted enough to turn q mis-
take into an advantage. When a child
in . small Bavarian village was being
catechised by priest, and asked how
many things are necessary in service
Of baptism, he promptly replied
~Three, father" ~Ah, you stupid"
replied the holy man, 81 thought ev-
srybody knew that only two are abb
solutely necessary: first, water, and
second, the Bible. Now, young sir,
won't you tell me what are the threc?"
Tie boy looked up with a bland
smile, and answered: "My father,
the three are: first, water second, the
biblei aud third, . baby" .~.s