Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-05-26
FUNNYGRAPHS.

"A "
oft -gee.-IOronto Grip.
SOMETHING to add mire: A street
sprinkler. -Hdckensack Republican.
The Arab who invented alcohol died
900 years ago, but his spirit still lives.
STOCKS generally go down in the sum-
mer. This rule does not apply to corn
stalks.
SWEATING for ones daily bread is
pore way of getting it.-Steu6enUille
Herald.
WHEN a mans aft collar button comes
offhis choler rises. Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
BRITANNIA rules the waves, but dis
orderly students at West Point waive the
rules.
A DEAD snake can be brought to life
with pint of whisky. You drink the
whisky and then look at the snake.
If the Mississippi is the Father of
Waters, the Missouri must be the mud
der.
The New Orleans Picdy1taae has the
surprising statement that when barber
shaves another barber he does not talk.
ENCOURAGING news for the hute-play-
ers-The Earl of Fife has an income of
of $500, 600 a year.-Ihe Score.
The You-freight-us would be good
river for steamboats, to run on-Detroit
Free Press.
One shell has been known to kill six
teen mea, but two shells only make an
oyster fat and contented
"VoTE as you are bought is the
motto of large class of Americans
Philadelphia Chronicle.
A YOUNG Darwinian.-Jack( Ito his
married sister,; Eli! Polly! Look!!
Here's your baby trying to walk on its
hind legs!!ll"
AN Illinois woman who had her cor
set torn off by lightning says that the
sensation was something like being
tossed over a fence by a COW.
"A PORCELAIN factory has been turning
out some small fishes, so natural in ap-
pearance that they smell bad in hot
weather
In some respects the gentler sex far
surpass us. No man for instance, can
deliver lecture with a dozen pins in
his mouth.
ABOUT this of year the intelligent COM
positoris engaged in transmitting drives
of logs into "droves of hogs. '-bOsto7a
Transcript.
THE soft spring days have come,
As the prophet said they must,
When the hen doth lay her egg,
And therain doth lay the dust.
-SteubenUiHe Herald.
A WESTERN medium induces the spirits
to play on piece of paper as If it was a
tambourine. This must be rapping-pa-
per.
A SCoTCHMAN was told that measures
were wanted and not men. My candi-
dates astoot mon, andmeasures enough"
said he.
A GERMAN poet says that young girl
is a fshing-rod; that the eyes are the
hook, the smile the bait, the lover the
which he is fried.
Miss FL. (who has chosen medicine as
profession, to professor, who has given
the class an o1's heart to dissect)- "Oh
professor, can't we have forks to handle
it with ?'a- Nossar Miscellany.
A YOUNG man said he kissed his girl
under the lamppost the other day be-
cause he liked her. We guess nobody
would be so foolish as to suppose he
kissed her because he liked the lamp
post.-EG.
A LOCAL paper says that Boston has
grocer SO mean that he has been seen to
catch flies and hold them up by their
hind legs and look In the cracks of their
feet to see if they had been stealing any
of his sugar.
IT is now announced on the authority
of can eminent physician" that it is not
healthy to rise before eight O clock in the
morning. This applies only to men.
Wives, it is said, can rise as early as 7
and start the fire as heretofore.
A SYRACUSE girl was scared by an
electric ball which rolled down the
chimney into her room, nearly into fits;
but she wouldn't scare worth cent at
the sight OF a red-headed lover who
,chews tobacco and smokes five cent
igars.-Bufalo Courier.
"WHERE can I get frst-class depila-
tory, or hair remover?" asks an anxious
female in Massac county, per postal
card. If you can lease q Sioux Indian
at reasonable rates perhaps that would
be the cheapest way to accomplish what
you are after.-Chicago Tribune.
Two fishermen were talking. CT have !
found a splendid place for fishing, re-
Gently new place WHARF they bite like
everything?" "Ah, have you? Where
is it?" ga little above Sevres. I was
there yesterday" ''What did you
catch % "The sixty-forty train coming
home"
"PETTICoATs upon which bugs are
painted are the most tasteless things yet |
devised" Says a fashion paper. Wait
till the decorative craze makes it fash !
ionable to have specimens of the cimex
lectularius painted on the hens of sheets
and in the center of pillow shams.-
At60a2s advertiser.
The members of the young ladies' de-
batting society at Troy have decided in
favor of long conrtships. Level-headed
girls. Observations has taught them
that there is wonderful falling off in
in confectlons, balls, carriage rides and
operas, where courtship ends, and the
stern realities of married life begins
NOrr5stOaUn Herald.
s@<1e,4 n. L. l.