The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1880-09-24
BLOW UP rue GAS WORKS.
Go to Halifax with Yonr Electric
Light.
sALr LAKE CRY, sept. %. lssO

SALT LAKE OIrYs sept. 20, 4oco.
Editors Herald:
propose 70 light Salt Lake Cit
with 40-mule power carbon genera
tor. patent inhAtcr, improved Gentil
indicator. and JACK Mormon ersdica
tor, for per cent. OF the present cos
OF gas or Brush light. Some mel
have greatness thrust upon them;
beats all who are born great, or Wit
ach ieve greatness.
A friend has handed me til,
original Draft Of the "Whereases" K
the Liberal convention platform
picked up between the Intsrna
Revenue Office and the Institute, lssl
evening. In light-giviDg power il
sxceis the Pharos of Alexandria, one
of the seven wonders of the world; in
brilllancy it exceeds the combined
fash OF 1000 Koh-i.nors. With thiE
simple trick the thing is done; twenty
cigars and th-ee nigger-hesds down.
By comparison with the very tame
and mutilsted copy as reported to tbs
you will observe how
near the world came to losing an
eighth wonder:
(Copy.)
THE PLATFORM.
Whereas, 1t is as clear as mud that
Blackstone and bsyonet as high-joint
representatives. OF eternal justice and its
by q punch on the left eide,
md q white necktie as the suborned
witness of divination on the right side,
ire the sublime symbols of the liberalism
# our people, subjugated into the condl-
ion powders that there is no entailment
y either on the fundament Of the other;
md
Whereas, The hope OF the shadow of
be truth Of this internal revenue fact,
md the soundless depths of the theory
ub-stratifying it, are denuded in Utah
" the E-pluribus- of a pair Of
Gales, bayonet ana church contribu-
ion box, IN one and the same vest pocket,
" the dictation of the combined hosting
ngines and pumping-machinery of
ne Mormon Church when necessitated
husly [what brilliaDcy here dszzles the
vel expunging all non-Mormon, jack
1ormon, quasi-Mormon or any other but
.imon Pure Mormon from Juggling at
be territorial teat, and coufniDg the gov
rnment to majority Of the governed, |
nd all Of its municipal treasure boxes |
.rictly guarded sgsinst the grab of new
rder of priests; thusly [another binding |
ash] cheese-pressing all individuality, |
ersonallty, originality, comicality, Sc
ility and venality, and leaving naught
ut wreck behind, in well organized |
Immunity without q law or q lawyers /
De; thusly superinducing whatever they
laim ia syntsx or prosody, as an infalli-
lie, All-powerful, oHnipresent, omnipo-
mt, omniYerous government, exercised
,lely in the name of Davy Jones' Locker
y high old chiefs claiming TO be inter-
refers of David Crockett's will-ye gods |
nd ministers of grace defend us-in the
ing AID short of it, a theocracy; and
Whereas, The existence of all religious
cts so soliditying, concentrating and I
eoxidizing power is incompatible and
with our ideas of gov
'nment by poplar, box elder and sassa-
as, because 1t controls ballot box stuff
~ and through it the dear people for
snst the reach OF any remedial laxative
We that of lorceps; and
Whereas, Utah Territory is now CUB
controlled despotiealiy lin
le vital respect at least, in defiance of a
into gallows gibbits and
films of all the timber on the public
nds in the United States) by these re-
cfo IN |
pidly colonizing and civilizing sur
undlng territories, and already by these
is-ststed and fatLy means holds the
lance of all giant powder in Idaho,
fyoming and Arlzons, and will soon, if
IT before, and if not prevented in Colo
do, New Mexico and Nevsds.
Now, therefore, ReS0Lued,"
Hence the corruscations, meteoric
intiilations and dszz'ing iulmiua
)ns become 50 intense and so pain
l to the eye, that We are compelled
suspend farther trauscribiDg.
As night comes on and the redhot
a:e OF these lolbereGses has cooled of
shall take the remainder OF this
illiant manuscript under the shade
come sombre church, or behind
me old barn, and decipher the
solutions.
Let any honest reader compare this
iginsl draft of the platform 1okere-
Is with the emascuIated and lam
lid copy as published in the Tribune
Thursday morning, aud he will
ourn and howl as Digger Indian
an annual eclipse.
In justice to the radisnt-browed
Id effalgent-brsined committee on
let the world rejoice tb at
e original was not lost. The spot
here it was picked up, about mid
ay between the Elephant corner
i'd tho Presbyterian Church, is clearly
arked by 8 heap of black cinders,
hich only on last night was a mass
brilliant gems and corruscatiDg
Ieteorites which literally poured in
lowers froG the manuscript.
II any one is curious enough to
lspect this original draft of the
LIBERAL Platform, by first putting on |
rown goggles and green sun glasses.
q can do so, By calling at the Office
NJ. @. WEDIE and
o. JOLLY, STR,
l00l East Temple street,