The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-09-18

ful.' 81 don't see much good in that"
said the Wall street man, juggling the
double eagles in his breechea pocket;
"none of the successful men [ know
are truthful. Better make your boy an
apothecary; that's tho only busi-
ness l know of where deceit does not
pay In the long run"
VEGETINE is now acknowledged by
our best physicians to be the only sure
and safe remedy for all diseases arising
from impure blood, such as scrofula
and scrofulous humors.
THERE was oil elephant that had been
trained to play the piano "":.n its trunk
IN show. One day new plano was
bought for 1t, but no sooner had the
elephant touched the keys than it burst
into flood OF tears. "What ails you,
kiounl 7" asked Its keeper. The poor
beast could only point to the ivory
keys. Alas they were made of the
tusks Of his mother.
A SACRAMENTO girl was guilty of a
mean trick tho other day, the relation
OF which will cause the blood Of every
mother In the land TO curdle with
horror. She eloped with her objec-
lonable lover the same day her mother
was enamellcd, and as the latter was
compelled to remain shut up three days
or else crack all over, the couple man =
aged to get away without pursuit.
"MY daughter, never tell any one
your private affairs,'' said a mother in
sending her daughter away upon her
first journey. "Mon Sieur, a third
ticket, if you please" said the dauph-
ter at the ticket office. For where ?"
asked the employee. sis that any of
your business ?" answered madenoi-
selle, Indignantly, remembering her
mothers advice.
SOME littl le girls in a Brooklyn Sun
u.y ochooi were studying the history
OF DaVld the passage for the day beiRg 2
that Which describes the shepherd boy 3
victory over Goliath. The teacher
asked the question, "Now can any OF
you little girls tell me who killed the
giant?' Quick as thought one Of the
smallest responded, "Jack."
"T'Ma census-taker," he said, smil-
ing IN the doorway. "All rig hit, but
you mustn't in-cen-sus," said the man
of the house, and he was Immediately
arrested and fined 500, according to
law.
FRED Ito Tom, who has looked
through Fred's MS.): "You didn't
know l was IN author, eh P'' Tom Ito
Fred); "No, didn't; and If you take
my advice you won't let anybody else
know If you can help it,"
A FRENCH actress. VINO was Qradu-
ated from the laundry, asked an old
manager what he thought was her
"besG line Of business" Glancing at
her sumptuous wardrobe, he replied ;
"The clothes line still, Mademoiselle." j"
Mrs. CooDLE was telling Jane that
the potatoes had an oniony smell,
whom that monster Coodle suggested
that perhaps they had been cooked in
a saucepan with a leak In 1t.
A WOMAN who went to a concert to
hear Blind Tom "play by ear" says
that she was swlndled, and wants the
fraud exposed. She says that instead
of playing by ear no played with his
fingers, just like other performers.
Who're the farmers wifo has large
washing to do, she can savo half her
time and labor by using Dobbln's Elec-
trio Soap, (mado by Cragin & Co., Phi
lad'a.) One pound Of 1t is equal to
three Of any other. Try it.
"WHAT Is an abbrcviation ?" Scholar
IA shortening" Teacher --"Yes
give me an example," Scholar--Some
folks use butter; but mother says that
lard is good enough for anybody"
"DoCToR," said Il careful wife to the
practitioner, who was cutting open hel
husbands shirt as he was in q fit of apo
plexy, "cut, If you please, along the
seam"
STORIES first heard at mother'i
knee are never wholly forgotten. But
1 Eli Loo of aoia1la,at Il Eoa.acL1l L.