The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-07-08

II can't drink whisky with immunity - said
9uDOins' Then drink 1t with water" rejoineG
the general.
Some Of our acquaintance are like unboiled
lobsterS-in shaking hands, they never know
when to let go.
II the husband makes an inordina,e use Of N.
bacco, the wife should constitute herself a tobac,
co.stopper.
A married editor rarely writes about woman.
He dare not try to make her his subject, since he
is hers.
The prettieSt and most becoming face trim
ming for a young lady is interviewer OF amisbil.
ity and refinement.
An English firm sold 5000 ~ire.proof safes in
Turkey before it was ascertained that the filling
was only sawdust.
s. P Ruggles, the inventor of presses for print.
Ing raised letters for the blind, died at Lisbon.
N. H., a few days ago.
II a woman does not speak her secrets with her
lips, she is sure to tell them in her letters, Her
pen is certain to split.
There is a good reason why a little man should
never marry a bouncing widow. He might be
called 1.-The widows mite"
When rain falls, If she gets the bis ger halfot the
umbrella, they are lovers; If he takes the bigger
hall, they are married.
What is baptism, John 2' asked a Scotch cIer.
gyman of the kirk beadle. ITS sixpence to me
and fifteen pence to the precentor."
Garfield may have heard Of the city paved
with gold, but his greatest interest has been in
the city, paved in the DeGollyer plan.
When a man tries to borrow money from q
friend that is experimental philosophy; when the
friend refuses, that's natural philosophy.
Before marriage, a girl frequently calls her IN.
tended her treasurer but when he becomes her
husband, she looks upon him as her treasurer
Jane" said a fond mother, sticking her head
out Of the bedroom door, ut is Il o'clock. Tell
the young man to please shut the front door from
the outside"
An exchange says "Matrimony is a holy insti.
tuition. Not only does it unite man to his hest
iriend' but 1t dAds a good living for thousands Of
divorce lawyers"
"ICu can't never wear those boots out" said a
shoemaker, "Then 1 don't want them. . renlied
the customer, do you suppose I want boots IN
wear in the house ?"
When Jemima went to school, she was asped
why the noun bachelor" was singular, BE.
cause she replied, ut is very singular that they
don't get married."
not marry a widower," said an old lady;
a ready'made family is like a plate of cold no.
tatoes'" "Oh I'll soon warm them over, !" replied
the damsel, And she did.
The man who Is curious to see how the world
could get along without him can find ont nv
sticking a cambria needle into a mill pond and
then Withdrawing it and looking at the hole.
A San Francisco man has been indicted for
snoring. 1t was shown that his noise conId no
neara clear across the street and that on certain
nights he had kept as many as ten persons
A woman wants a husband who will get I'D at
every little racket heard during the night and
investigate, to prove that 1t isn't burglars, And
there are some husbands who will do this. Int
the men that have to.
A Japanese student in New Haven went to
spend the evening with a young lady. On com.
Ing away she invited him to call again soon. He
called again in about an hour.
An Iowa schoolmaster knocked down a bor.
nets nest to use in illustrating a lecture, but in.
stead of a lecture he illustrated race Of a mile
and a half through thickets.
little girl who had fallen out Of bed said at
hrst: ut was because l slept too near the place
where got in" Then correcting herself she
said mo, because 1 slept too near the place
I fell out"
An Albany paper reports that a woman gave 10
he census taker her age as two years more than
really was. Now Eli Perkins and all the other
great liars of this broad land, collar that state.
nent and beat 1t.
An advertisement appears in one of our ex.
'hanges. which reads as follows: IRAN away-a
lired man named John; his nose turned up five
eet eight inches high, and had on a pair of ordi.
pants much worn"
Over fifty patents have been granted for differ. ,
MT kinds OF Cow.milkers, thirteen in England |
no iorty IN America. These machines have been {
lVlded into three classes First, tube mixers. s
econd, sucking machines; third, mechanical
and mixers, The first are tappers, the second t
and the third squeezers and stripners {
ome devices are formed Of combinations of :
hese classes.