The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-03-26
Telegraphic Vagaries.
chambers journal.

| When the news came of the revolution in
Turkey and the deposition of Abdul Azz,
Queen Victoria, it is said, lost no time in in
tervening in his behalf by telegraphing to Con-
stantinople and expressing her hope that the
| ex-Sultan would not be subjected to any vio-
lence or ill-treatment. "Soignez le bien" (take
good care of him. said Her Majesty; but the
cruel telegraph made her say "Saignez le bien''
(bleed him well;) and how they bled him all
the world knows. The story is not impossible.
In his last annual report the Postmaster
General owns that poor woman, telegraphing
to q relative, "Mary is bad," had her message
rendered "Mary is dead;" and that pleasure
party wishing to advise their friends at home
of their safety bY the assurance that they had
''arrived all right" scandalized the anxious
ones with the announcement, "We have ar
rived all tight" But many jokes are perpe-
trated by the wire without receiving official
recognition.
noble lord, as proud and fond as man
should be of his beautiful young wife. was just
about rising to speak in debate, when tele-
gram was put into his hands. He read it, left
the House, jumped into cab, drove to Charing
Cross, and took the train for Dover. Next day
he returned home, rushed into his wife's room,
and finding her there, upbraided the astonished
ady in no measured terms. She protested her
ignorance of having done anything to offend
him.
Then what did you mean by your telegram"
he asked.
"Mean? What said, of course. What are
you talking about?"
"Read it for yourself said he
Shn
straight Pray for me.'
For the moment words would not come; then
after merry fit of laughter, the suspected
wife, quietly remarked, 80 those dreadful tel
egraph people! No wonder you are out OF your
mind, dear. telegraphed simply: Il tea with
Mrs; in Dover-st Stay for me-"
King John of Saxony was prone to droppipg
in upon officials when they least expected him.
One day he appeared at the telegraph office of
a small station. The clerk apprised his col
league at the next station Of the unwelcome
VISIT and before an acknowledgment of the
warning came was called upon to enlighten
the inquiring monarch respecting the business
of his office. Presently message came along
the wires and His Majesty desired to be ac-
quainted with its purport. He was told it was
unimportant; but was not to be put off, and
insisted upon the message being repeated to
him; SO the stammering clerk had no choice
but to regale the royal ears with the German
equivalent for: "The King pokes his nose into
everything" If King John was annoyed by
the impertinence, he had to thank himself for
it.
Such was hardly the case with the late Earl
Russell. One evening, when he was the Min
lister in attendance at Balmoral, little old
man, buried in greatcoat, handed telegram,
addressed to one of the Ministers in London, to
the telegraph clerk in one of the stations on
the Deeside Railway. The clerk, after glanc-
ing at the message, threw it contemptuously
back with, "Put your name to it. It's a pity
your master does not know how to send tele-
gram" The name was added. "Why, you
can't write!' exclaimed the clerk, after vain
ly trying to make something of the signature.
whats your name?"
my name?" said the messenger-''my name
is John Russell"
That clerk was transferred to another office
before many days passed.
Writing of the difficulty English engineers
experienced in making educated Persians un-
derstand the working of the electric telegraph,
Mr.. Monnsey says: "Much of the time of one
OF our officers was occupied during several
weeks In attempting to enlighten the mind of
provincial governor, who had got it into his
head that the wires were hollow tubes, and
that messages were transmitted through them,
as In the pneumatic post. In vain was the
whole apparatus shown to His Highness; in
vain even all its parts explained and reex-
plained-he stuck to his idea; and it was only
by the suggestion of the following simile that
he was at last induced to relinquish it. and de-
clare himself satisfied, Imagine" said the
officer, "a dog whose tail is here at Teheran,
and his muzzle in London; tread on his tail
here, and he will bark there
A droll mistake was made by an Imaginative
old dame who, having permitted telegraph
pole to be placed on the top of her house.
waited upon the chief of the telegraphic COM
pany concerned, to complain that she could get
no sleep of a night being kept awake by the
noise made by the messages passing over her
head II don't think, sir" said she, "you can
be aware OF all that's said along them wires
There's deal that hadn't ought to be. l can
assure you. sir, that very much that's said
there, that have to lie and listen to, is such
as no decent woman ought to hear; and hope
you will put stop to it," The amused gentle
man was hardly able to meet the accus tion
with due gravity; but he did vvntrfve to keen
his countenance while he informed the old
lady that the young men who had hitherto
worked the wires were under notice of dismis-
sal; and that in future only young women of
great respectability would be employed, so there
would be no danger of her propriety being
shocked any longer.