Connecticut western news., 1880-09-15
A Lesson in Making out a Bill.

Speaking of sextons reminds the Phi losopher of the Syracuse Herald of a story which one of the old members of the craft used to tell. He had a funeral to conduct for the family of MT. M., wealthy but eccentric merchant. When it was over he handed in his bill, made out according to his usual custom. MT. M. put on his eyeglasses, opened the bill and read it carefully through. "I see you have charge of thirty-six dollars for kid gloves" said he, Chow many pair did you buy?" "A dozen, /" was the answer. "And here, again, you have fifty dollars charged for the scarfs worn in the procession. How many scarfs were there, and what did they cost?" I had to have dozen-two of them new and the rest cleaned and made over. Their entire cost was about thirty five dollars" ''And you have put down carriage hire at fifty dollars. How many carriages had you?" "Eight in all" "And they cost how much apiece ?" "Four dollars" "Very well, sir, de- cline to pay your bill" The sexton was thunderstruck MT. M. had never been known to dispute a reasonable account with any one before, and he was reputed very rich. "I could have gone to @ store and bought all those gloves for two dollars pair myself," the millionaire went on, Cor twenty four dollars for the lot. could have hired ten scarfs and had the others made for thirty-fve dollars. could have got the carriages from any livery-stable for thirtytwo dollars. Twenty-four and thirty-two are ffty-six, and thirty-ive make ninety-one. You have charged me one hundred and thirty six dollars for articles which I could have procured for ninety-one dollars myself. I presume there are other items of the same sort elsewhere in the account" "But, MT. M., I-" "I decline to pay the bill, sir. Take it back and make it out right again." "But, MT. M., must make something on these affairs that is the only means I have of gaining livelihood" "Make your bill out as it should be, say" "But, sir, you won't find that any other undertaken in the city would have served you better" "Perhaps not, and more's the pity. Still, I decline to pay your bill in its present shape" Sadly crest fallen, the sexton was about to turn away, when the merchant pointed to 8 seat at his w1iting table. "Sit, down there," said he, "and I will teach you how to make out bill. First, enter the hearse, coffin, advertisements, etc., as you have them. Then write: '.To one dozen pair of kid gloves, at two dollars, twenty-four dollars to making two scarfs and repairing ten old ones, thirty-fve dollars to hire of eight car- riages atfour dollars, thirty-two dollars. , Now you have your account in correct shape as far as it goes. But you have said nothing about your own services j; so write: 'To sexton's labor and time, one hundred dollars Is that satisfac- tory? If not, make it one hundred and fifty-two hundred-whatever you con- sider fair sum. We shall not dispute about that. What I object to is not the amount I am called upon to pay, but the pretexts under which it is demanded. Your first bill wasn't business like your second will be. The sexton both saw and admitted it. He learned lesson from that interview which he never afterwards forgot.