The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1880-02-19
s. = = - = =
FAcETv0us ITEMS.
BY JOSHUA sIIoRr.


By JOsIIUA abort.
Avery popular cause-because.
Light weights coal Dealers ton.
6omething that b sure to take-a
Light employment misunderstanding
hatcher 49,
Theatrical hws-tableaus.
In engaging the services of . well.
digger it b . good plan to previously
ootain his bottom prices =
Theatsieal managers Who are desire
o0s Of Obtaining something that will
draw we'll are respectfully referred By
u 10 the mustard plaster.
Speculation Is like the grain bust
ne>s - bong - it proves gain basi-
ness.
The business ofti,e glazier is q pane
one; Putty probably never looked at
IL In that light.
An exchange gives receipt for pre-
venting the hair from falling out. Now
can't some one tell Us how to prevent
Its being pulled.
1SoSsCoA JVActS IKE I'd laugh Al
anOtheR's expense: hut the habifude il
contsnt With . quiet smile.
Yes John. We believe in signs, and
every bu5iness man with any amount
Of Go-e-headitiveness wil4have.one. He
VIII also advertise ia the newspapers.
There b nothing in namc;" con-
sequentiy We have no legal right to
pC0elaiM the idea that Malta would he
agoOd place for business.
An instance Of too much head work
being the cause Of death. was that Of
IN acrobat Of an eastern cOnique who
fell dead while in the at of standing
on his head ten consecutive minutes.
II owe much TO you: greatly do I
fear that / never can repay you" were
the mental observations Of q transient
6aliaaite while gazing ut a matronly
lady Of about f0rty-fiye. That night
be Nh t0wn for parts remote. The
n>atrOnly lady was his boarding Mis-
tfess.
We consider that We are importing
valuAble Information Of no mean di-
meAs6Oas to young mel who are about
to &c fishing In the sea Of nlatrimony,
when inf0rming them that II beh0Oves
them to avoid the nstuti-las and pull
In the snxel-fish.
Among . number of other news
paper "Useful Keceipts' We notice one
Tor IN eye Water. Many chemicals are
required. A less expensive way Is to
stick your fnger In one Of your ocular
mesm6ers.
While out walking with two gay
young ladies short time since we en-
deavored to lead the conversation Tito
channels OF mutual Information. Bat
our efforts werc lost, our sagacious re-
marks were Tidicuied; aud. Disguised
We threw up the sponge. Appended
h beautiful and original stanza ter
minating In an excellent jca dc H'sts: :
While walking with two ladies fair
We spoke in parallels
but our moral fables they were lost
Upon . pair Of be''es. 's
We have always heen possessed al
the idea that we could with assiduity,
develop into . flrst-class writer of rp-
nance. The following specimen,
which Is our first effort, tends {" great
ly strengthen that idea. We have
gwen Il the title Of-for such il is-!A
| "
Sara, which b not yet written.
CHAPTER ONCE.
Heavenly Celestinc," he murmur-
ed, "refise me not: for IL you do, will
commit suicide by blowing my brains
out with Smith 4 Weston navy, No
~ calibre. Answer me, will You he
my darling wife,
''Oh Augustus was the sobbing re-
ply, surely you cannot mean IL, IL
cannot answer nowIgime me time
"And what darling ?" Inquired Au
gustus. -
But she didn't say any more.
CHAPTER TWICE.
The next day, six months later, Ce.
lestine remarked to Augustus: You
have no brains, 80 how can you blow
them out:" This was sumner AMI
Augustus replied not.
CHAPTER THREE
After mature deliberafion and con
alteration, Augustus is dismissed hy
our herr Inc.
CHAPTER FOCRTIfLY.
Upon the strength Of which Angus
tus attempts to blow out his Lrains-h,
has none, and fails, but dies hard jusl
the same. After Augustus dealt, r.
m )rse slrik. 3 ,e.estine un usually hur,i
and abe drOwns herself i'm u ristern by
taking poison. Thus does our ronuau,
terminate happily.
n RKYeeN sassaasrca co,saYsu,o