Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09
Detroit Currency.

OC LAO OWh Ao"yCAs
Life isn't what you make it. You
discover this when you are trying to
get back borrowed money.
Grind your tea and it will have more
strength. Melt your butter and it will
spread over more territory.
The best remedy for cold feet is to
call a. house where they keep big
dog and don't feed him very high.
"Why is it easier to be bad than to
be good ?" asks Buffalo paper. We
pass the query along to some one who
Is being bad.
The New Haven Register says there is
no such thing as loves young dream.
There is no dream about it, but great
deal Of foolishness.
Every saw.mill should have lath saws
attached. This will check the growth
of fingers and give medical students
plenty Of specimens.
Que man Can lead an old topper up to
the bar, but ten cannot make him drink
unless they pay for the liquor
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Chicago Journal predicts that all
goods will be made water proof within
the next ten years. LIST EN- begin on
mOsq uito. bar stuff first.
1t may be vulgar to keep time to or
chestra music with your foot, but it
keeps man so interested that he for
gets to go out to get Glove.
The New York Express can excuse
man for lying when he fatters home
ly woman, but when he is trading
horses he mus. stick to the truth.
The Albany Express has been looking
into the matter, and it has found that
ministers Sons are not always great
deal worse than other mems Gems.
Tue Bey of Tunis wants some one to
establish gas works in his capital. Hell
imprison every consumer who kicks
against his bill or abuses meter.
When the Sultan of Turkey feels
like it he has five men dance before
him aud when he doesn't feel like it
tails.
A New England clock maker has
failed for the ninth time. 1t is appar-
emily necessary to wind him up every
twenty four hours. - Elmira Free
Press.
The only ba thing about burglar
alarm j.. the fact that it gives the bur
! gl,r u chance to run before you can
open II window and give him fatherly
advice.
An easy way to get ri Of family of
children Is to lock the door and go over
to neighbours for two hours visit.
Children and matches always play to-
gether.
The national debt has been reduced
down to almost two billions, and some
day some philanthropist may haul out
his wallet and knock the little balance
sky high.
"What does anybody want of any
more perpetual motion than loafer
stamping his feet on ~ street corner p
asks the New York Express. Ask us
something easy.
The War Department is new trying
to figure up how many men it could
put into the field in case of war. We
believe that 900 900 men stand ready
to take commissions.
A man working for ninety cents a
country Is safe AS the millionaire who
lives on his interest, and as rule he
will do more to save 1t.
Milwaukee's City Hall smells so bad
ly that the Council has appropriated
81 900 to ventilate it. Have the Coun-
Gil tried clovesp If they won't deaden
1t why not change tue brand?
The Masonic emblems found under
the Needle prove that Masonry is the
oldest secret order in existence. For
further particulars try to get into a
lodge without the grips aud passwords.
Whatever adds to the cost of reading
matter is II burden on the entire public,
and one which is felt in every house.
All men outside of paper makers should
demand free importation for print pa
per.
This is getting to be well-padded
world. There are horse pads, foot
pads, hip pads, liver pads, kidney-pa
lung pads aud stomach pads, and some
one will soon have pad for bald
heads.
1t is all the fashion in England now
for people to sit down on the eIge of n
chair and cross their feet. This is sup
posed to be one peg better than sitting
down on the floor and pushing the feet
out in front.
A New Jersey paper says that few
men were born to rule, and the way to
discover those who were is to present
them with dog. If man has any
boss in him he will show it out on u
dumb animal.
Care drives the nails in our collins,
but what man can feel jolly when his
wife daily hands him list of neighbors
who have got twice AZ many bonnets rs
she has, and their husbands not earning
half his salary.
No one knows who invented the fash
ion in society of turning down the cor
ner of visiting card. but the fash.
ion of turning down the corner of a
street was first thought of by the
man who owed small bill to the
tralnsman he saw canning Il Nav York