The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-01-25
CURRENT HUMOR.


red twice and shot mt twice, and yet he lives.
TINT Boston girls don't Ike smRll feet. We
admit that they always look down on them.
Boston Post.
A saior Is not sailor when he Ia board !;
n sailor Ii not q sailor when hois shore, but
ha must ba either ashore or aboard; there
fore, n sailor Is not n sailor.
Maine man, who didn't care two shakes OF
lambs tail about the newsp tpers. rode four
teen miles through fierce snow storm to get
n copy of n weekly that spoke OF him as "a
prominent citizen
Footman You've found a-whatl Old
Lady-h shiilin' Did your missus drop it2
Fontman idpar! We don't drop shil-
lIn's. mum. When we lose money. we lose
gold Funny Folks.
The Troy Duly TImes does not greatly run
into poetry. but when IL does strike out the
FUR flies. Look ut this "A little snow. q
little breeze, "a little thaw. a little freeze. n
little draft and then-ker- CHI tch -e-o-u-a
great big sneeze."
Why Is 1t that when you meet man "ker
chuck" on the sidewalk he always turns TO
his right white you turn to your left, and not
satisfied with that he Immediately turns to
his left an yo are Just fool enough to turn to
your right2-I New Haven Register.
Profeasor-"rhe passive action or muscles
is particularly marked In the case OF birds
who clutch their perch merely In consequence
of the bodily weight In removing a fowl
from hen-roost. you have, doubtless. found
1t necessary to HIT 1t, and (cIass 500 the
point. il Acta Coumbtana.
college professor once tried TO convince
Horace Greeley OF the value OF classic Ian
guagfB. The professor said: "These Ian
guaReS are the conduits OF the literary
treasures Of antiquity" Mr. Greeley replied
II like Groton water very WELL but 1t doesn't
follow that | should eat a yard or two OF lead
pipe"
Western papers, while admitting the utility
OF Elson's light. are strongly opposing the
OF gas for heatlng and cooking
purposes. They admit that It Will be the
cheaper for those who can afford to pay at all,
but there are the suffering poor how are they
tofarntsh themselves from the neighboring
gas pile2
You can't fool n Quincy girl. When her EEL
low" rises from his seat In the theatre, be-
tween tho acts, and says, "Ill be back In
most reliable smiles, and pulling him back
with the remark, II brought some with me-"
coyly slips into his hand pinch of cloves or
roasted coffee.
Three Toledo sharps put up job to skin
drunken man from st. Louis on u game of
euehre. The drunken mans partner easily
got his side beaten, nut when he came to play
with the inebriate to see which OF the two
should pay, he WAS forced to play the same
bower OH two tricks and then got stuck.
There's lots Of luck in st Louis whisky
cautious writer will always be on his
guard against the accumulation OF proofs lest
that should happen to him which Is said to
have occurred to Bishop Bloomfield After
the learned Bishop had preached sermon on
he existence OF tpd, an admring farmer was
heari To say: "0ur Bishops main good
preacher, hut | can't help thinking as how
there be y God after all
It Is said that IL you sit down when assaulted
ov feroeiOu5 dog the animal will not touch
You: This only holds good provided you can
SIT downon top OF house or a tree and let
weary OF bowling in a few hours and walk
tway, when You can come down without fear
u harm. But II You are as heavy as Senator |
Davis better way would BIS to sit down on |
ne dog. lie would not touch anybody after /
hat.
he Rev. DIR. Begg. OF Edinburgh, based his |
on quotation from Isaiah TX, is, |
The bricks have fallen down, and we will
,uifd with hewn stones" The manufacturer I
u the bricks used IN the building OF the /
fridge Is furious Mt this using OF Scriptures I
% the detriment OF brickmakera, and vents his |
llry In letter to the Scotsman. He asserts /
hat 1t Is not the bricks Of the bridge that
rave way, but the ahewn stones" and claims I
he right to make this explanation because
he Scotch people, are prejudIeed againstd
tricks. DIR. Begg has not yet replied.
In the life OF the late Charles Matthews, the
an anecdote Is told Illustrative OF
lord Blessington's character. party had
rome to explore some ruins rising out OF the
yea. Matthews describes how, as he was
Gaping from stone to stone, Lord Blessing
,on called out more than once to my great
surprise, Take care, take care For heavens
'ake, mind what you are about! You'll be in
GA certainty After one or two repetitions
II his alarm Lady Blessington, losing pa
tenee, exclaimed: DO let the boy alone, Bless
ngton. Ii he does fall into the water, what
IAN 1t signify? You know be swlms like a
ISL Yes, yes said his lordship. that Ia all
'ery well; but shall catch my death driving
lome with him In the CARRIAGE"