davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
ASchOOI Boy Story.

A correspondent Of one the Boston
papers tells the following anecdote Of
his schools days:
Honorable liars scarce. remember
q few and they were High School boys,
Of course. A squad Of them, peltiug
each other with snowballs as theJ
went over the common and up Joy
street, on the way to school, one after
noon, were not such good shots that one
of them did not hurl his missile through
a parlor window pane. Up went the
window, and out popped an ugly lady's
head.
(which of you boys broke this pane
OF glass p
Il did It, promptly replied the real
offender, stepping forward to apologize
What's you name, and where do
you live p
The boy responded truthlully but
one of his companions to save him.
cried out:
No, no, did 1t 1, He didn't do H.
and his name isn't what he said, and be
didn't live there, anyhow. Ny name is
So and so, aud live number something
in such street, and my father'll pay!
The confusion of tongues and counter
statements so perplcxed the lady that
she con cluded they were all pack o.
liars. and in a rage she shut down the
window with bang, aad broke another
pahe of glass.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
The Old Mans Diversion.

He was a quiot.looking old man and
he walked quietly into Roches billiard
room. Just "to while few moments"
as he afterwards remarked. Seating
himselrnear a table where several young
gentlemen were amusing themselyes,he
yentured one ortwo suggestions about
the shots and wagered and lost hlty
cents on the result ola difficult point
Could he play billiards p 'Wel,no,
not very WE'LL still he used 10 handle
a cue pretty WE'LL
Would he play a gamev We'll yes,
just for tun, you know. and pass the
tune
He played and lost,playing for drinks
and giving his opponent the dollar
which had been wagered on the result.
Would he play another game 2 He
didn't care Would he wager sSr
Didn't like to, but just for the fun OF
the thing
He had been beaten easily before.
The Young men thought him an old
gentleman with money to spare, who
was out seeing life.
Would he wager with others ? He
didn't care
Thirty dollars in small bets were tinal-
" wagered. The elderly man quietly
remarked, with a quaint smile, that he
thought he would have to do better this
time. 4 should smile,' answered his
iaunty opponent, as he made the hrst
shot and lost. The elderly man quiet
IL handled his cue until he got the balls
into a corner, and then ran the game
ont. Buttonlng up his coat aud pocket
mo his gains he was about to depart
when the young gentlemen insisted thai
he was a fraud, and wanted his money
b,ck. The Old gentleman quietly SAID
there wa. mistake he had only come
to sec them play, and th9a walked
out
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
They Parted Friends.

An agent with wall map OF four
States to sell entered a Jefferson avenue
clothing house the other day in search
Of a customer. and not word was said
until he had unrolled his map and
spread it out over counter piled up
with clothing. Then he said:
"A complete map of Michigan, Ohio,
Indiana and Illinois, and the prIce is
only twelve shllIings.'
Would you like to to buy an over
coat p asked the dealer, as his eyes
left the map 10 scan the man.
4 guess not, but l want to sell you
this map. 1t shows every county in
the four State-every railroad-eyery
river--every county seat. No business
house shouldb be without one.'
4 can sell you two pair Of pants nit
two kinds pockets for shust what
you pay for west in New York nit
no strap on der pack = remarked the
clothier as he began to handle the
goods.
This map shows even the smallest
villages. Here where my finger rests
is Detroit. Down this way you go TO
Columbus, and from thence to CIncin-
natti, where Deacon Richard Smith can
always be found after : o'clock II the
morning. Do you wants to 90 to Chi
cago Then follow my finger aud I'll
leave you IN front Of the Grand Pacif-
ic.'
Here ish a secondhand coat NIT a
grease spot on Que tail can sell you
for dhree tollars, and 1 tell you nopody
else puts prices down to der top notch
like does. Yust try him on
DO you have business in Indianapo-
lis continued the agent. Here is the
route to take. Do you want to go to
Marquette next summer? Behold the
direction and distance. Wouldn't be
without one of these maps for hun
dred dollar BILL
'Und wouldn't be mlthout dis grease
spot on DER tail for a two hOOnered tol-
lar pill y
Don't you want map:'
Don't you want coat?'
What do want Of that coat when
l have no use for it 2
What do Ivhants Of dot map When
up stairs Ifs here p
But don't you want an idea Of the
State you live ? Which way is Grand
Rapids from here p
Which yhay is der front door from
here? demaned the clo!hier as he drew
himself up.
Then can't sell you this map:'
Then I can't sell you dot coat!'
Shake said the map man as he star
ted to go.
The clothior shook.
Would you take this map at a dol
lar@
Would you take summer west Tor
fifty cents p
The agent wanted one moro WORD.
Standing with his hand on the latch
he said:
when you find out the way to Cleye-
land please let me know
'Vhen you finds der yhaY to Saackson
let me know was the answer, and
they separated never to meet again.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

NOT THAT KIND OF A MAN.-ln a
corner grocery in the western part OF
the city the other day boy was buy
inc shot and getting ready to 90 hunt
inc. His old gun was lying round rather
loose, and the grocer nervously re-
marked:
Boy, [ wish you'd take care OF that
cun-Tm afraid OF an accident
The boy stood against a barrel and
went on telling how many rabbits he
meant 10 pepper and pretty soon 1t
came near falling to the floor.
Il tell'you that internal thing Will
hurt some of US yet?' exclaimed the
grocer as he jumped aside, and the boy
leaned it against the counter and said
he'd never take back seat trem a
bear-never. As he reched over to
look at some buckshot, down tumbles
the gun and of went the charge send
inc about four duck'shot into a ten
gallon oil-can in range.
There she goes, there she goes'
yelled the grocer as he danced around
Didn't tell you that internal gur
would go off!
And did deny it? promptly re
torted the boy. DO you s'r>se I'm
fool 'nufr to 90 out to hunt rabbits witt
brass.nuckless or bean-shooterF
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
pahe of glass.

So1AcE FOR A YOUNG COUPLE
All who have seen a French wedding
know Of the homely and frequently
familiarly aAectionate manner ln which
the officiating priest delivers a little
advice 20 the inte nding husband ana
wife in which celibate as he is,he speaks
with authority of deep experience on
The duties of bearing and forbearlng, on
the happin ess and privileges Of the
married state. But all who heard 1t
were astounded at the SURPRISING
plainess of speech Of the following
prestly address:
st is from the bottom of my heart,
Joseph, that l congratulate you upon
the great step you have taken. 1t was
indeed sad to see you wasting your
youth in a life of disgusting drunkenness
however all's well that ends well; ant
il pleases me to think that you have
saltl good bye forever to the wine shops.
AS to you my poor Catherine THANH
heaven heartily that you have been
able. ugly as you are, to find husband
Never forget that you ought by an un'
cbanceablo sweetness aud devotion
without bounds to Try to obtain pardoI
for physical imperfection; for repeal
YOU are a real blunder of nature. An'
now. my dear children, 1 join you Il
matrimony.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
Advertising Rates:
She Knew all Aboutit.

Just about midnight the other night
four men in a Detroit saloon sat looking
at a fifth. The fifth one was drunker
than the other four. While all men
were created exual, some men get drunk
twice as fast as Others.
twill meyer do to send him home in
this condition. said one Of the four
after long silence.
No, it would break his wIie's heart
aided a second.
But we can'tleave him here, and #
we turn him out the police will run him
in,' observed the third.
'Ihaye been thinking mused tie
fourth. He has a telephone in his
house. Here is one here. will mako
it my painful duty to inform his waiting
aud anxious wife that he won't be home
tonight
He went to the telephone, got her
call, and began:
Mrs. Blank, 1 desire 10 communicate
with you regarding your husband
We'll, 60 ahead
lie Is down town here
L know that much
In descending the stairs leading from
the lodge-room he fell and sprained his
ankle
Are you sure 1t wasn't his neck:'
she asked.
1T isnot q serious sprain, but We
think it better to let him lie on the sola
in the ante-room until morning. Rest
assured that he will have the best OF
care. We are doing ev---.'
Say ? broke in a sharp voice. You
bundle him into wagon and drive HIM
up here, where can keep him hidden
until that drunk goes Off! He won't be
sober before tomorrow night!
MY dear mad
Get out! Ifhe's sleepy drunk put
water on his headl That's the way L
always do
will you let me inform you that?
No. sir. won't! Throw water on
his head, get him into some vehicle and
rattle him up here, for it's most mid
night now and it will take me hall an
hour to get his boots of and push him
up stars? Remcmber-pour water on
lis head and yell Ere in his ear !
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

believe that am actuated by no spirit
of revenge. You may not credit me-
but I wish that any other man had
this to do. MIR. Holly is, and has been
for two full years, a married man.
1 turned my face away from Dolly as
I altered these words, and dropped it
upon the hand that rested on the vine
trcllis. expected to hear her scream,
or 10 see her faint. But my news did
not seem to produce as great an effect
as expected. I looked up again. All
eyes were fixed upon me.
sAh?' said the old man.
'Well,' said the old lady.
GO on, Tom,' said Dolly.
HIS wife is a cousin of the lady my
uncle married. said L If you don't
believe me, I can on'cl proof Of the fact.
He is married.
sOf course knew that said Dolly.
His wife is quite a celebrated con-
tralto.'
Knew that he was married man "
said I. i don't understand sou. What
can this mean?'
And it's great deal nicer for Dolly
said Mrs. Brusle. Mrs. Holly and she
will travel together
stared from one to the other.
Mrs. Brusle,' said l. what did
you tell me when you came to London'
Iun dorstood you that Dolly was engag-
ed to Mr.. Holly. and that you were
buying the wedding dresses
Gracious mc!' cried the old lady.
Nothing of the sort
Did you think that, Tom = cried
Dolly.
asked her to explain.
WHY, Tom, l have engaged TO TIA
vel with as one OF a quartctte company
that he has just formed. \ foreign
gentleman and our tenor at church,
Mr.. Motley, and Mrs. Holly and l ,and
I shall make a great deal Of money,
and oh, Tom, that's why you sent
back my letters
Iopencd my arms and Dolly ran IN
to them, without thinking Of the old
folks.
What a miserable wretch I have
been for the last five weeks said /.
Aod Dolly began to cry upon my
shoulder.
You see how it IS, SIR I saij' to
Mr.. Byusle, Pm not rich, but love
Dolly dearly, and if she'll take me as /
am. I shall be the happist fellow under
the sun. And for Heavens sake,
Dolly, don't mind breaking your en-
gagement. Stay at home, and sing 10
US. don't want you running about
the country, no matter how much
money you make by It.
So the engagement was broken; and
though my uncle saidit was lmprudent,
Dolly and Iwere married that winter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

A young husband and vile from an
interior county stopped at the Weddei
House, in Cleveland, on Monday night,
and were assigned a room on the first
floor-from the skylights. About one
O'Clock the young man made his advent
to the office, with small waler-pltcher
in his hand, and ghncins inquiringly
around stepped to the street and looked
out into the gloom. lie then relraced
his steps and started for the ladies' en-
trance. A bell boy, whose curiosity
had arisen, followed IN pursuit and
oyerhauled the solemn-vlsaged guest
on Superior street. Turning quickly he
said: 'Bub, where's Jour well ? Strikes
me things are mighty onhandy around
this taverns.' The boy found the well
and then initiated the visitor in the
mysteries of the bell-cord.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

ALLIGArORs MATCHED BY A HIM.
"A lady residing at Cow island n
louisiana, and wishing to set hen'
went into the field adjoining her res
dence. where some of her chickens had
been laying, and procured some seYen-
teen eggs and placed them under 'ne
hen. When, in the course OF human
events, the chickens were hatched' TO-
and behold, there came forth tour small
sized allisators. 1t is supposed that
alhgators from an adjoining marsh had
deposited their eggs in the field ana
she not known the difference, placed
them under the hen. And what Is
more strange the young aligators ioi-
low the mother hen around the premises
as happy as Colorado beetle IN a
potato patch.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

Very remarkable changes have taken
nlace during the fortyotwo years reign
of Queen Victoria. She has out'lVeu
by several years every bishop and
every Judge whom she found seated on
those benches in England, Scotland and
Ireland She has witnessed the fun
eral of every premier who has served
under her. except Mr.. Gladstone an0
Lord Beacon6eld, and she has com
missioped as many as eight successive
nremiers TO form no less than 'hlf'cer
different administrations.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

y Jewish pedddler recently trayelins
on foot through The GrodaO District,
Poland was attacked in wood by a
foot.pad who robbed him of all the
money he had about him and then let
him 60. Proceeding on his way the
plundercd peddler met a mounted gen.
darmc, to whom he related his mlshap
and who proceeded at once to search
for the robber accompanied by the man.
They soon came up with the object et
their quest upon whose person the sto-
len money was found as well as two
clasp knives and a pocket whistle oil
which unconsidercd tribes, the gem
darme took possession. Having bound
the culpriLs hands behind HIM, and at
tache d him to the gendarmes saddle by
a cord they started for the nearest vii
LACE the peddler on foot the police Off
Ger on horsebace. Presently it occur
red to the latter that he might as well
ascertain what sort of tone could be
produced by the confscated whistle
which he accordingly put to his lips and
blow with untimely vigor. Straightway
there appeared upon the scene a horde
of armed brigands, who surrounded the
party. and after freeing their comrade
from his bends. attacked his captors.
The gendarmc put spurs to his horse.
broke through the circle of his assailants,
and got awav with a bullet in his shoul'
der. But the unfortunate peddler, un'
able to escape, fell a vic!om TO the
brutality of the bandits, who hacked
his body to pieces and left his mutllated
remains on the high road.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

The other day young gentleman
from the rural districts came TO town
with a jag of wood and pair of oxen,
and In the course of his wanderlngs he
came across fire hydrans that had
been opened to clean out the pipes. lie
started at the gushing water in dead
silence for a moment, and then gave
the alarm by shrieking Here's o
hltcuiu post sprung aleak worse than a
sugar maple
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

A Young widower OF Alabama has in
his nossessioa the photographs OF hye
young ladies'. As soon as he receives
two more. one for each day in the week.
be will shuttle them, draw one. and the
lady drawn will at once receive an
offer of marriage. To which. If she has
anv sense, she will promptly reply
M Cards,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

The poor man derives great comlor.
from :he belief that it is next to an lm :
possibility for rich man to enter 'nO
kingdom of heaven. +.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

A funny sight on the streets is to see
a tall man try to stand with one loot on
a piece of orange peel, while he kicks a
moor little dog with his other foot.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

A rockiug-hcalr is just as necessary TO
a woman's comfort as a mantelplece or
windowssill is 10 a mans.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

A cow, killed the other day at Belle
vile. Illinois, was found to have in her
stomach a slO bank note. Nobody can
toll how she got il.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

Tn strugglingto make dull boy un
aors,aud what conscience is, teacher
finally asked: .what makes you iee' un. J.
comfortable after you have done wronsT
Fathers leather strap ieelingly re-
nlied the boy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

lie who stops to pick flaw IN
others knitting work. drops ma''
stitches In his own.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

Better late than hardly ever Is q
new and rather neat proverb.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
OVERsEERs 70 OR
NOTARIES PUBLIC.
JUSTICES OF TIE PEACE,

DAVIS D1sr.-Dr. G. A. Brown, Cbed Iunk ana
Jas b. Jackson. ,, ,-,.ce,. cro,,1o,,
joTxsToN-J. II. Rodeffer, Martin Strickler,
Levi Il. Cullers. ,,, 1.o,
MAplsoN,-Samuel c. Campbell james D.
Coffman, Samuel Rinker. -, r-,....oo rooo,,
AsHBY.-Saml. Hamman, Samuel hlhgree' Ja0OO
LTE.NChristian Shirley, D. P. Zrkle John NJ
Pence.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

According to Edison, gas will soon
10 the light Of other days.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10
POETIC AL
! Bust One Little Song, Love,

Come, sing that song loved, love.
When all life seemed one songi
For l am stricken now, love,
My strong arm is not strong.
Then sing the song l loved, love,
Yoa know that one sweet gong.
Aye, sing that one sweet song. love;
Love, Just that one sweet song,
For life is none too long, love
oh, love is none too long,
Then Just one little song, love;
Love, just one little song.
know you love the world, love-
Nor would deem you wrong,
But, when above my grave, love,
Next year the grass grows strong,
Then sing that song loved, love;
Love, just one little song
No tears or sable garb, love;
10 sighs to break your song,
But when they bid you sing, love,
And thrill the joyous throng,
Then sing the song loved, love;
Love, Just one little song.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1880-03-10

Draw not thy bow before the arrow
be fixed.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-10-08
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Won BuIow, the pianist. has had .
stroke of paralysis and lost the use of
his right hand.
HERBlRr SPENcER begins next wear
. tour Of the world, going from England
to the United States.
SrvrpAr urofe..or. ~ the K...r
un;vers;tv knss;s ara nran.r;nr -
tr.n.I.te ADMINISTRATORS into M Ts>+.r
lancnsce 49, '
Mrs. FYrrcurp vbo h.. m.aa erec;.,
stndv ~ American .n r 4. e a.
iver co c - 1s s., 800, ',,s,t r;,.e-
On Anc;ent xwer;cs 800
r--c-;.s - -,
ns outsa1 VI Aanzloa1 nas Sone au
oluer 70 'ne Misslon Tsess y oeylous
80 ~ Ploso .ons =. A1so.0 yPo, Iuu
T 1os 2 9ss' U co"Posl'o1 70 manage nlA
AaPol'A TOSS.
SArks rAfN, tne most promo OF re.
Cont 1ngil 81 novSnsts, Is 4n mc9ssans
smoAer. ne Isreiy walks oct. ana ooos
noe cCnsloeI PnyslcM exercise q = To
s'o.s"so " Oesan power
SOMEBODY y making an index TO the
medical literature Oh the world. 1t Will
occupy 1O,OOO pages, and show what .
tremendous amount OF writing has been
caused by the physical pains and mlser-
les OF the human race.
MISS EMMA BURT, well known as the
author OF several pleasing books OF APP
proved exceue4ce Tor children. ana .
contributor to wsde A'0Gee, 81 Nscao-
t0s, W0re ana ray and other maya
zines, mas been removed 70 the insane
Asylum at Utica. N. T., Tor treatment.
SALA pictures Henry Labouchere OF
the London Truth as 50 scholar of ex-
tensive and well-digested reading, q
travelled linguist, . diplomatist of nearly
twenty years training. q shrewd finan-
cier, . brilliant conversationalist,
ready, incisive public speaker. q man
of wit, . man of sense, and . man Of
business" and says he has made q pal
pable hit in the House of Commons.
EDWIN ARNOLD the anthOr Of s. The
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-10-08
ON THE EYE OF THE WEDDING.

GLOVE, before We part tonight.
Before the last I Will'' 10 spoken
Before the rim. nss touched 9s my band,
Before the Church, with holy rite,
Her blessing on our love has given,
Look STRAIGHT into my eye. With yours.
e there within your heart Of hearts
One lingering shadow Of re9ret-
One thought that you have chosen fllf
Oil speak-'tis not too late even yet
i there In al this world Of ours,
One you have ever known or seen,
Whom, Il you had earlier seen or known.
You would have crowned your chosen Queenr
Il there3 Ipray you, tell me now,
And VIII hold you bound no more.
] win not finch to hear the truth.
It could not be 80 sad, 30 sore,
TO know It now. % 1t would be
II by and by shadow fell
Upon the sunshine Of our home;
So, If you ever loved me-teu.
I'd hold you pure from blame, dear love:
And would leave you free as air,
To WOO and win that happier one.
All this for your dear sake I'd bear.
win not say how would pray
Tsst God , night S have you IL H tS;n care;
OF you. my heart Is al one prayer.
But could I join her name with yours,
And call down blessings from above
On her who had robbed me Of my ALL
Ny life-my iRnt-my only lover
Yesl even that I'd try to do;
Although my lonely heart should break,
I'd try to say "God bless herr too,
Through binding tears, for your sweet sake.
I'm looking up into your eyes;
But though my own with tears are dim,
I read that i'm their true, clear depths.
Which tells me, "YOu may trust In him..
/ Will-I Winl-It needs no words,
Though yours are flowing warm and fast,
And eloquent with truth and love,
Forgive my d0ubts-they are the lastl
-Oh0mbeTs' Journal