The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-07-07

JULY 7
VA RIETIES.

4 l.
"Does your wife play eucbre ?,
asked one. NO" replied the other
rubbing his head, ''but she's death on
poker"
A clergyman asked a BOY if he had
been baptised. "No, sirl" said the lad,
mot as l know of, but have been
waxinated. -"
Beauty hath no lustre save where it
gleameth through the crystal web
that purity's fine fingers weave for
it.-Matmi,e.
Whenfonce infdelity can persuade
men that they shall die like beasts,
they will soon be brought to live like
beasts also.-South.
A young lady up town repels the
domestic SANDER that she is "fiuc-
tuatin." For I'm always at par-to
buy ME something"
A young lady was stuug on the lip
by a bee, the other day We con.
graduate that bee on knowing just
where tne money was.
You never find how bad a man
has been until he is nominated for
office, and you never know how good
he has been until you read his obitu.
airy.
An old lady with several unmar.
ried daughters feeds them on fish
diet, because it is rich in phosphorus.
and phosphorus is the essential thing
III making matches.
"Good morning Patrick; YOU have
got new coat at last, but it seems
to fit you rather too much" "Och
there's nothing surprising in that; l
wasn't there when was measured
for it,"
When Boston girl goes to the
market to buy perch, she asks for
acanthopterygian. The market-ma
replies, SIS it a musical instrument
or hog you want?"-Boston market
Reporter.
When hoy falls and peels the skin
off his nose, the first thing he does is
to get up and yell. Whena girl tum-
bles and hurts herself badly the first
thing she does is to get up and look
.e..aher dress.
=
powerful that the farmers hdrses
about here that drink the water of it
never have TO be shod. The shoes
just grow on their feet naturally"
She stood watching canal boat
loaded with ice as it was being
locked into the canal from Lake
Champlain "What is that boat
loaded with ?" she asked. "Ice,"
was the reply. sob, my!'nshe ex'
claimed in surprise, eff the horrid
stuff should melt the water would
sink the boat Pc
An elderly darkey was inq'iring
of a policeman if he knew anything
of his son Pete. The policeman re-
piled that there was young darkey,
in the lookup for breaking up a
prayer meeting with an aXe-handle.
Oats him. exclaimed the over
ioyed parent; "told me he was gwine
to muse himself"
Professional pomposity is well
taken off in the following anecdote.:
Shields doctor, looking learned and
speaking slowly: "Well, mariner,
which tooth do you want extracted?
Is it the molar or incisor ?" Jack,
short and sharp: at is in the upper
tier, on the larboard side. Bear a
hand, you swab, for it is nipplng my
Jaw like a lobsterm .
Literary young man at party;
"NIiss Jones, have you seen Crabbe's
Tales?" Young lady, scornfully: Il
was not aware that crabs had tails?"
Literary young man, covered with
II beg your pardon.
should have said read Crabbes
Tales" Young lady, angrlly scorn-
full "And l was not aware that red
crabs had tails either" Exit young
man.
An Irish nobleman, riding along
country road in Ireland, saw very
fat boy doing by the roadside,
(which way is it to Macroom, my
lad ?" asked the nobleman. "Ihat
way" replied the boy, lazily moving
the toe of his boot in the direction OF
the place. Astonished at his extreme
laziness, "my lord'' dismounted.
'Boy,n said he, iii you can show me
a lazier act than that | will give you
a halferown." The boy eyed him
for a moment, and turning
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