The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-09-09


(next world) in this. -..ftr.,,,rr. 49,.
WHY is it easy to enter an old mans
habitation? Because his gait is broken
and his locks are few.
HAVING asked his girl for kiss as
tonic, she replied that there was such a
thing as being too tonic.
"YoU'RE man after my own heart
as the blushing maiden confessed when
her lover proposed marriage. g.
The trouble with too many in this
world is that they want reserved seats
everywhere except in the family circle.
WHY is the strap of an omnibus like
mans conscience? Because it is an in.
ward check on the outward man.
"a KISS" said Charles, Ills noun, we allow;
But tell me, dear, is it proper or common?''
Lovely Mary blushed deep, and exclaimed, "Why,
think that a kiss is both proper and common
WARS the best definition of q quill I?
Something taken from the pinions of
one goose to spread the 'pinions of an
other.
WHY is the money you are in the
habit of giving to the poor like new
ly-born babe? Because it's precious
little. !. -,
HYMEN is always represented as bear
ing torch. This symbolized the tortu-
GUS ways of true love that never did run
smooth.
"SHE never told her love"-because
the young man, anticipating something
Of the kind, hasn't called to see her since
leap year opened. d..
WHEN a fond parent sees a boy walk
through gateway, instead of climbing
the fence, he is worried for fear the lad
isn't quite himself. 49,. t..
ARTEMUs WARD once began q lecture
by saying: "Ladies and gentlemen. I
possess gigantic intellect, but Haven't
it with me- .'. ~5shs ~
A LAZY boy was complaining that his
bed was too short, when his father stern
~ replied, "That is because you are al
ways too long in it, sir" -
The proprietor of Louisville bone
factory announces that persons leaving
their bones with him can have them
ground at short notice. .s:4 tx =
NOTHING will please girl so much as
the information that rival, who is try
ing to rob her of her best fellow, has
got a pimple coming on her nose.
A New JERSEY colored man, whose
wife had left, said "She would come
back if I frowed her some sugar, but
1 amt frowing no sugar, do you heah?"
If an unemployed man can find moth
ing else to do, he can always find stu
alton as head waiter by going into a
crowded barber shop to get his hair cut.
"Do EAGLES give milk. mother Q
asked the boy. Ono, my son what
made you think so ?'' because I've
heard of the eagles scream" a'a1 .@-
MOTHER (very sweetly) to her chill
dren, who have just had distribution
Of candy-"What do children say when
they get candy?" Chorus" More -
MISS JENNIE HONOR, of Pittsfeld
Mass, has been left $4,000 by the will
of a deceased uncle in New York. It
seems that sometimes an Honor is not
without profit in her own country.
WHEN a woman requests her husband
to bring home dozen or more needy
tritles, and he returns without them, she
realizes that in domestic life as well as
in politics instructions do not instruct.
The Cincinnati papers are making a
great ado over the discovery of a mica
bed. Mrs. Mallory sends us word that
she discovers Mike acbed every morn
ing when the boyd ought to be up, split
ting wood. "
A COUNTRY editor being asked, EDO
hogs pay o. says a great many do not.
They take the paper several years, and
then have the Postmaster send it back,
"Refused.'' ~
DoN'T despise a woman because she
can't drive nails or hang pictures !; if you
want to discover your own weak points,
Just carry 6x4 mattress down narrow,
winding stairs. rvt 80
A sTRon1Na theatrical company was
at the dinner-table. A waiter ap-
preached one of the members, and said
.'Soup?" "No, sir" replied the guest.
IT am one Of the musicians?"
AN unsuccessful vocalist went to the
poor-ho and delighted the inmates
with his singing. He said it was a nat
ural thing for him to do, as he had been
singing to poor houses ever since he be-
gan his career. T28lW =.
BLISTER, whose wife was Ill, was sur.
prised by one Of his friends writing Let
tiers Of invitation to a funeral. "Then
she is dead p said the friend. "No,
she is even little better. But you
know when one is hurried at the last
moment they do nothing we'll" s. :.
A CHARMING widow owns a nice boy,
and man wants to be appointed deputy
father to the lad. It is only last Sum
day that, while the man was stroling
with the lad, he asked: "Bub, does
your mother bang her harp" and the
fool answered: sob, no; but you
ought to see her bang dads head Guess
the minister didn't know everything
when he told pap to prepare to die. Pre-