The Portland daily press., 1880-08-09
MONDAY MORNING, AUGUST 9.

tain McPelter, land the era of good feelin is
reely goin to be inoggerated by the eleckshen
Nv Hancock, why continyoo these WORKOUT
distinkshuns? Ell we understand the posishen
nv the Dimocrisy, the late onpleasantnis wuz
meerly difference Nv opinyun between the
two seckshuns, which led to armies and SIGH
war meant nothin at all, all traces NV it shood
be immejitly obliterated. Ez men frum the
North took up arms, the country pays them
penshuns Now, wat want to know is why
men frum the South witch took up arms shood
not be paid penshuns likewise? We both fit
for our notions, and both wuz ekally meritori-
Gus. 1t is the dooty NV the reunited country
to cement fraternal feelin and how kin it be
done ez well ez by payin both sides pen
shuns?''
The speech wuz reserved with me re ap-
plause than any speech hev heerd for yeers,
and immejitly it wuZ resolved that eyry man
in the Corners witch he'd served in the Confed-
rit armies shood to onst file his elaine so ez to
git in early.
Their wuz rush like that NV circus way
on Evry citizen Nv the Corners he'd, imme-
jitly, q strong recolleckshen Nv .hevin bin in
the Confedrit servis' incloodin suthin like fifty
wick he'd secoored penshuns alreddy for ser
vises in the Fedrel Army.
Deekin Pogram filed petshun settn forth
that while he wuz never reglerly ENLISTED In
the Confedrit servis, he he'd contracted a Sc
we're roomatism bushwhackin in Fedrel pikkits
doorin Garield's invashun Nv the sacred soil,
and wuz entitled to penshun on that score.
Issaker Gavitt set forth that while he he'd
not shouldered his muskit in the field he
spent six months in Inieanny assistin the mites
NV the Golden Circle in reSStin drafts and
SIGH, and in votin the Democratic tikkit, witch
wuz Nv more servis to the Confederacy than ez
tho he he'd enlisted.
put in my clame for three months servis
with the Looisaner Pelikins, witch INDUCED in
more foot.races than any Regiment in the
Confederacy, and also for organizn draft riots
in Ohio.
Bascom claimed penshun on the score Nv
keepin his bar open late at mite for the refresh
ment Nv Deekin Pogram and others on their
return from bushwhackin.
Mahlon Pettus he'd actilly served with For
rest and participated in the massacre at Fort
Piller. To prove it he he'd the thigh bone Of a
niggah soier, witch his sister (Which is artist)
he'd carved with appropriate inscripshuns.
All the citizens nv the Corners, with the
eggscepshun Nv Pollock and Joe Biglsr, rushed
In, and they KUN SO fast that it was impossible
to take their names.
To simplify the matter, Bascom seiested a
Committy be appinted to file the claems, and
that this committy shood copy the tax list, and
forrerd all the names onto it ez entitled to
penshuns. r
There wuz immeiit dissent from this for
Ll6I6 WuZ Only t6n OF a QOZcu DaIu6S on Uno
tax list and they wuz mostly radikels.
Here my genius shone out.
1--WE will not yoose the tax-list," sed I, "but
rather the pollsheet Nv the last elekshun. All
that we permitted to vote in this precinct may
justly clame to be Confedrits, and we shell git
all witch is really entitled to considerashun.
This secession wuz adopted, and 1 am bizzy
at work maxim out their applcashens.
Two onpleasantnisis okkurred Sam Petit
bone cum mp to be enrolled for his penshun,
oudc oh hat ho bod in fho
Alabama. wuz putin him down when
Issaker Gavitt interfered.
"Sam, you can't play that onto me-" said
Issaker. "You did enlist in the Tenth Alaba-
bring capitle to the Corners, the YOonitid
States amt goin TO pay penshuns TO man
which desertid the Confedracy in her hour Nv
need"
Sans name wuz immejetly stricken off the
role. There is great deel Nv spartan virchoo
in the Corners.
Another trouble okkurred with Smith Pey-
ton. He cum and claimed to be put down ez
being entitled to penshun.
"But you served in the Fedrel army" OBJ
jectid IsSaker.
'"Trco," sed Smith; "but I deserted, an hev
voted the Dimekratc tiket without scratch
ever sence."
His case wuz taken into considerashun, and
it wuz FINELY desided tibet his name shood be
entered. With these triflin excepshuns evry-
thin wuz harmonious.
find tibet evry citizen Nv the Corners, ex-
ceptin Pollock and Bigler, wuz in the Confed-
rit servis, either ez actooal soljer or in sum
way engaged in promotin its interests. We
shell insist, to put us on a complete equality
with the Fedrels, that these penshuns shell date
back to the beginning NV the war, and interest
shell be compounded from that date to this.
Also that each one shell have the same land
grants, and all the addishnel pay that the Fed
rolls hev reserved. Likewise, inasmuch ez the
Confedrit mummy wuZnt good for nothin that
each Confedrit soljer shell receive pay for the
entire time he wuz in the Confedrit servis, the
same ez Fedrel soljers, with an addishnel al
lowance to make up for the insufishent ra-
shens he reserved in the feeld
The effeck upon the Corners is miraculous.
Bascum is so certin Nv the elsckshun NV Han
cock and the payment NV these clames tibet he
hez opened system NV credit, and the Corners
is gittin now all the likker 1t wants.
Will the Dimocrisy NV the North disappint
us? Is this golden era to be made reality or
will they permit the eleckshun NV Garfield
and set us back whar we wuz? Icannot be.
leeve it. Kentucky will do its hull dooty for
Hancock. PETROLEUM V. Massey.
(Jubilant)