The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1880-06-24
Humorous.
0 THAT HAT
A Mean Trick

Probably the mcaneSt trick that
was ever played on Il white man was
played last week in this city. and the
fact that there Is no vigilance commit
tee here Is the onl Y reason the Derpe-
traitors Of the trick are alive, 4 busi-
ness man had Just purchased a new
stiff hat, and he went into Il saloon
with half Il dozen friends to fit the hat
on his head. They all took beer, and
! passed the hat around SO all could see
It. One of the meanest men that ever
/ held county office went to the bartcn-
der and had thin slice OF limberg
cheese cut off, and when the party
were looking at the frescoed cellin~
through beer glasses. this wicked per
son slipped the cheese under the sweat
leather Of the hat, and the man put it
on and walked out. The man who
owned the hat is one of your nervous
people, who is always complaining of
being sick, and who feels as though
some dreadful disease was going to
take possession Of him and carry him
off. He went back to his place of bus
iness, took off his hat and laid it OF the
table and proceeded to answer some let
ters. He thought he detected smell.
and when his partner asked him if he
didn't feel sick he said he belieevd he
did y clerk said it was evident that
somebody's feet needed washing. the
man turned pale, and said he guessed
he would go home.
lie met man on the sidewalk who
said the air was full of miasma. and in
the street car a man who sat next to
HIM moved away to the end of the car,
and asked him if he had come from
Chicago. The man with the hat said
he had not, when the stranger said they
were havin great deal of smallpox
there, and he guessed he would get out
and walk, and he pulled the bell and
jumped off. the cold perspiration
broke out on the forehead of the man
with the new, and he took it off to wipe
his fOrshead when the whole piece of
cheese seemed to roll and breathe and
the man got the full benefit Of it, and
he came near fainting away. He cot
home and his wife met him and asked |
what was the matter. He said he be-
iieyed modification had set in, and she |
took one whiff, as he took off his hat. |
and said she should think it had. |
Where did you get into it - said she. |
Get into it ! said the, man, u ha, e |
not got into anything, but some deadly |
disease has got hold Of me. and | shall |
not live" She told him if any disease
that smelled like that had got hold Of
him, and was going to be chronic, she
felt as though he would be a burden
to himself if he lived very long, She
got his clothes off, soaked his feet IN
mustard wafer, and he-slept. The hat
was lying on the centre table, and the
children would come in and get Il
smell of it, and look at each other
with reproachful glances, and 90 out
and play. The man slept and dream
ed that a smallpox flag was hung IN
front Of his house, and that he was
riding in Il butcher wagon to the pest
house.
The wife sent for Il doctor, and
when the man Of pills arrived she told
him about the case. The doctor pick !
ed up the PATIENT new hat, tried it on,
and got sniff. He said the hat was
picked before it was ripe. Then the
doctor and the wife held a post morten
examination Of the hat, and found the
slice Of limberg. ''Few and short
were the prayers they said" They
woke the patient, and to prepare his
mind for the revelation that was about
to be made, the doctor asked him if
his worldly affairs were in a satisfactory
condition. He gasped and said they
were. The doctor asked him if he had
made his will. He said he had not,
but that he wanted lawyer at once.
The doctor asked him if he felt as
though he was prepared shuttle off.
The man said he had always tried to
lead a different life, and had tried to
be done by the same as he would do it
himself, but that he might have made
a misdeal some way, and he would like
to have minister sent for to take an
account of stock,
Then the doctor brought to the bed
the hat, opened up the sweat leather
and showed the dying man what it.was
that smelled so, and told him that he
was as well as any man in the city.
The patient pinched himself to see if
he was still alive and jumped out of
bed and called for his revolver, and
the doctor couldn't keep up with him
on the way down town. The last we
saw Of the odoriferous citizen he was
trying to bribe the bar tender to tell
hIm which one of those pelicans it was
! that put that slice Of cheese in his hat
lining.