Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-04-22

pickles and fried chicken at ineervals-as do
cile and happy couple as anybody may
wish to see.
STRONG CASE.
A Detroit lawyer had bill of $240 against
certain citizen put into his hands for coll' c.
tion the other day, and he wrote note ask
ing the debtor to cali at his office and see
about it. The man promptly appeared, look
ed the bill over. and said:
"WelI, I guess that's all correct."
"You acknowledge the Indebtedness, do
your
81 do"
"And what arrangements will you make to
settle it?'
"I'll put in an offset. I've been feeding
two hogs for this man all winter, and my bill
is just s24n. was figuring it up this very
morning"
"What, s24O for feeding two hogs for three
lawyer.
"Just four months, sir, and the bill is cor.
rect"
"And what are the hogs worth to-day?"
"Ten dollars apiece"
"Well, you'll find it hard matter to con-
vince the court that your hog feed was worth
any such money"
Hoy -feed?" shrieked the other as he sud-
denly jumped up, "do you suppose I'm charg-
ing $240 for the feed them hogs devoured
No, sir. l put in the feed at only $40, but
the $500 is for my Sunday hat, which fell into
the pen and was gobbled down, and for anx'
iety of mind for fear the porkers would catch
the mumps from my children. Mental an
guiSh is the backbone in this ease, sir, and
every one of my family will be seated in a
row before the jury, and all will begin to
weep as rise to ask that justice be done
man who lost as fine cow as you ever saw
nine years ago this spring.
THE BOYS DIscovERy-We have "the"
smart boy in Ceutreville. To explain all, /
must first tell you of his father. Like many
gentlemen here be takes his cod liver oil and
whisky each morning. Of course such an
opportunity of impressing temperance prin-
ciples upon the youthful mind could not be
lost. So-each dose went down with shiv
er, a terrible frown and exclamation, "Boo! |
could stand the cod liver oil. "but this whis-
Ky -duoLneT SllNeT- IL
"Our boy listened and stored it all up in
his youthful mind. The other day he was
cleaning out the top shelf of a closet for his
mother. "Ma what's this?'
Mother looks cautiously and smells
'Ob rancid cod liver OIL" Soon another
bottle is handed down, another and anoth-
err; contents varying from teaspoonful to
half a cup, all "spoilt cod liver OIL" At last
the youngster raised his eyebrows and grave.
ly remarked:
"Ma, it's funny that pa let's all this good
cod liver oil spoil, but never a drop of the
whisky"
ABEREAvED AND ECONOMICAL HUSBAND
A gentleman has been so unfortunate as to
have lost FIVE excellent wives. He late
ly determined to erect tombstone at the
head Of each, commencing her virtues, and
has only been deferred from so doing by the
expense attending the carrying out Of the
design. Recently he came to the city, hap
py thought having struck him, and arranged
for the tombstone. The five wives were bur-
led side by side in the same graveyard.
This is the happy thought: The Christian
name of each wife to be on small stone
Emma" "Jane," "Mary," "Margaret,"
"Elizabeth"-a hand cut on each stone, point.
ing to large stone in the centre Of the lot,
and under each hand: "For epitaph see large
stone"
"HEAD US, SOMEBODY Years ago, when
Rock Island, ILL.,, was small village, and its
people had lots of fun all to themselves, one
sober and dign6ed citizen put his head under
one end of yoke and little bulls under
the other, to teach the animal how to be use.
flu! and work When he found the bull was
running away with him down dirt road
towards crowd around the country store on
Illinois street, he measured sixteen feet at
lump, kept up with the bull, and yelled at
the top of his voice "Look out; here we
come, darn our fool souls. Head us, some
body" and when halted, and the yoke was
being lifted from his neck, he yelled, "Un.
yoke the bull never mind mel will stand"
pas- A magazine writer says he has been as.
tonished to find show superior women are TO
men in the vivdness of their mental image
ry." Women are sometimes surprised at it
themselves. When mouse makes its debut
in a room containing three or four ladies,
there will ascend frightful shrieks and the
fair creatures will Chamber on the chairs and
tables in highly sensational manner, all the
time imagining that the innocent little 70.
dent is a monster with eleven heads, fiery
eyebai!s and horns foot long. A mans
mental imagery is not equal to such things
unless it is assisted by whisky"
Sag A clergyman, who had been travelling
in remote part of the West, was asked by a
pious old lady if he saw any encouraging
signs of the spread Of religion. 81 heard some
thing" said he, rather hesitatingly, (which
you might possibly call encouraging As l
passed cabin, woman cried out to her
daughter, "Jerushy Ann you mean, snarly.
hesded cuss come right in 10 prayers"
sas- "Sir," roared man, out in Nebraska,
stsiding up to a neighbor, "Sir, you are
liar" II ann" exclaimed the astonished
neighbor. "How do you know that | am ?"
Because | know it; because have found it
Out " allow lOnp have Won heen 1iyinp