Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-07-23
Mark Twain.


lie HEARS A TELEPHoNIC CONVERSATION.
l consider that a conversation by tel
ephone- when you are simply sitting
by and not taking any part in that con-
versation-is one OF the solemnest curl
osities of this modern life. Yesterday
l was writing deep article on sub.
lime philosophical subject while such a
conversation was going on in the room.
l notice that one can always write best
when somebody is talking through u
telephone close by. Well, the thing
began in this way. A member of our
household came in aud asked me to
have our house put into communion
ton with Mr.. Bagley's. down town. l
nave observed in many cities, that the
sex always shrink from calling up the
central Office themselves. 1 don't
krow why, but they do. So touched
the bell, and this talk ensued:
Central office (grufl y" Hello!'
l." is It the Central Ofi,e?"
q. o -" Or course it is. What do
You want?"
L." Will you switch me on to the
Btgleys, piease?"
Z. O.-"All right. Just keep your
ear to the telephone.
Then heard h.iook, kiooh, kIook -
| kL0Ok kioOk- look t0ok- iOOk! then u hur-
riDle "g sittlng Of teeth, and finally
+ piping female voice: Yes?
(Rl,ing iuh.ction.) Did you wish to
speak to me?'
Without answering. handed the
telephone TO the applicant, and sat
down. Then followed the queerest of
all the queer things in this world-a
conversation with only one end to it.
You hear questions asked; you don't
hear the answer. You hear Invitations
;iven; you hear no thanks in return.
You have listening pauses Of dead
silence, followed by apparently irfele
want aud unjustiiAble ordinations of
glad surprise, or sorrow. or dismay.
You can't make head or tail of the talk.
because you never hear anything that
the person ut the other END of the wire
says. Well, heard the following re-
markable series of observations, all
| from one tongue, and oil shouted--fcr
you can't persuade the sex to speak
gently into II telephone.
Yes? Why, how did that happeA ?"
"What did you ssy?'
Pause.
ION, no. don't think it was."
Pause.
No! Oh, no, didn't mean that. 1
meant, pat it In while it is still boiling
or just before it comes to boil"
Pause.
What p
Pause.
II turned it over with back stitch
ON the sclvage edge"
Pause.
Yes, I like that way, too, but I
think it's better to haste it on with
Valenciennes or bombazlne, or some
,hing OF that sort. 1t gives it such an
nr-and attracts 80 much notice."
Pause.
Its forty ninth Deuteronomy sixty
fourth tn ninty seventh, inclusive. l
thluk We ought all to read it often.'
Pause.
Perhaps SO; generally use hair
PIN"
Pause.
what did you say? (Aside) Chill
dren, do be quiet y
Pause.
"OA! b .Rut! Dear me, thought you
said 1t WAS the Cat y
Pause.
"Since Whens'
Pause.
why, I never heard of it"
Pause.
You astound me 1t seems utterly
impossible -
Who did?'
Pause.
"Gool-ness gracious !"
Pause.
Well, what is this world coming to :?
Was 1t right i'll church?"
Pause.
And was her mother there ?"
Pause.
Why, Mrs. Bagley, 1 should have
died of humiliation. What did they
do?"
Long pause.
II can't be perfectly sure, because
haven't the notes by me; but think it
goes something like this: te-rolly-loll-
loll. loll lolly-loll-loll, o folly -loll-loll-
tec-y dido! And then repeat you
know"
Pause.
Yes. think it is very sweet-and
very solemn and impressive. if you get
the andantino and pianissimo right"
Pause.
"Oh, gum drops, gum drops! But
| never allow them to eat striped candy.
And, of course, they can't till they get
their teeth, any way."
Pause.
=" |Vhat?"
Pause.
Oh, not in the least go right on.
He's here writing--it doesn't bother
| him."
Pause.
Every we'll. I'll come if I can. Aside.
Dear me, how it does tire a pe;son' Is
arm to hold this thing up so long I
wish she'd"
Pause.
"Oh, no. not at all; like to talk
but I'm afraid I'm keeping you from
your affairs"
| Pause.
| "Visitors ?"