Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-07-12

A query for the naturalists: Are the
Michiganders any relation to the Portu-
gese, and if so how much?
A city missionary was asked the cause
of his poverty. principally because 1
have preached so much without notes."
he said.
The fact that the most of the streams
and ponds of Florida abound in alligators
makes it uphill work for the Baptist
church in that State.
The man who thinks that boy can hoe
in the garden while circus procession
is passing is always the man who has a
front seat when the performance begins.
The mule has got his match. 1t was in
Delaware. He kicked over a beehive.
He died the next day. The little bee is
never too busy to decline an invitation to
fight.
eff have ever used any unkind words,
Hannah" said Mr.. Smiley, reflectively,
81 take them all back" eyes, 1 suppose
you want to use them over again." was
the not very soothing reply.
He was watching his neighbor's boy
climb tree, and he had look of painful
anxiety on his countenance. care you
afraid the lad will fall and break his
neck?" was asked him. ''No,'' he replied,
''I'm afraid he WON'T
This being leap year, Main street
young lady thought she would make a
proposal, and she did. She proposed to
the young man who had been keeping her
up nights that he clear out and give some
one else chance, and he took the hint
and cleared.
A young man who held a loaded pistol
to his head and threatened to blow his
brains out unless the girl who refused
him would consent to have him, was
coolly told by the young lady he would
have to blow some brains into his head
first. He didn't blow.
A London tourist met young woman
going to the kirk, and as was not unusual,
she was carrying her boots in her hand,
trudging along barefoot. "My GIRL he
said, els it customary for all the people
in these parts to go barefoot" "Partly
they do" said the girl, ''and partly they
mind their own business"
He was stranger, but he entered the
printing office with an. air of confidence
and handed us what he called '.joke. -
We examined it, told him that it contain
ed neither sense nor point, and that ii
was pure piece of idiocy. "Well," he
replied, reaching for his manuscript, 81
have read your paragraphs for some time,
and / thought you preferred them that
way"
The German papers tell this story in
connection with Baron Rothschild's
death A meets B, weeping and sobbing
aloud. Says A, ''Why do you weep?'
Because" says B, as if his heart were
breaking, "because he is dead-the pow.
erful, the rich baron" ''But, replied A.
''why do you cry so much? he was no re.
lation of yours 20 ''That's just what am
crying abont," howled B, more affected
than ever.
A young gentleman and his blushing
bride, who were recently married in Phil
adelphia, called the next week at an
| apartment house and were shown the flat
1
that was to be let by the loquacious per-
son who officiated as janitor. This estim-
able woman, who would appear to be a
| good motherly soul, went on to illustrate
how very healthy the house happened to
be. 'sThere was Mrs. - ON the first
floor; she came here bride and went
! away with three children, as pretty little
things as 1 ever saw, mem. And there
was Mrs. -, the second, who had lit.
tie son born to her here, mem, and four
teen months after little daughter. And
mem, Mrs. -, the third floor, she was
bride, too, mem, and it was twins, mem
within a year.. If you please, mem, 1 an
the mother of four of the darlingist l'-
"Thanks," said the bridegroom, from
whom cleaned this interesting anecdote
"after all think it would be better to &c
little further up town." And he led tn,
bride-"blushing again"-into the opel
air and out of the healthy neighborhood.