The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-11-25

Probably the meanest piece of cold
blooded deception ever practiced upon a
woman occurred out in Western Add.
ton the other day. 1t seems that the
belle of that important suburb Of our
municipality is Miss Susan Smiley,
and whom vigorous rumor, kept in
circulation by her less favored sister
hood credited with being desperate
little firt-in fact, what Billy Rice, the
minstrel, used to call "false hearted
crokay." At all events, her affections
were of sufficiently indefinite quality
to cause her two most favored visitors to
look upon each other with the most vim
dictive feelings common to hated rivals.
These gentlemen-whow were respectively
City Hall clerk, with the eyeglasses
and freckles, named Plif, and a red.
headed dry goods manipulation called
Diggs-occupied the intervals devoted to
gloomily sitting each other out three
evenings week to fruitless attempts to
discover which of the two was really the
coming man in the matrimonial race, so
to speak.
Last Thursday morning Miss Smiley,
in response to a business-like ring, aa-
mitted middle-aged party with black
beard, and wearing blue goggles and a
long. tailed ulster
81 am taking the census, num-" he
said, opening fiat book on the piano,
and getting out some blanks, "just look
sharp, please, and answer the necessary
questions.
Miss Smiley trembled a little, as
women always do for some reason when
talking to a government official, and said
she'd try.
"Lem'me see-your names Smiley, l
believe-irst name r.
"Susan."
"Middle nameT
"Haven't got any, sir"
"Come now, young woman, no pre-
varication. Are you sure you haven't
got middle name somewhere, and are
trying to conceal it p
"No, sir indeed l haven't" said the
young lady, turning very pale 81
wouldn't deceive you"
"You'd better not, mum. The penalty
is twenty-five years at hard labor, or
both"
"Gracous me :"
"Fact, num- Now then, let's see
what's next. All yes-how often mar
ried p
Not once yet"
"Ahum. Going to be, s'pose Been
asked, eh p
ooh, yes, sir ; several times"
"Call it six times" said the &C nsus
man, making an entry. "What's next
All, sis your back hair false o.
"Mm-must answer that g
''Of course you must. Don't tritie
with the United States Government,
mum. Come now"
"Well, it's sorter-that is, kinder"
"Thatll do-well call it mixed. Teeth
soundF
Eyes, sir ~ with much emphasis
;Dont get excited. Let's see--Tll
put your age down as twenty-five. The
United States never allows us to take a
woman's age on oath. They will lie
can't help it, l guess
"Tm Just eighteen. don't care
whether the government believes it or
not" said the citizeness snappishly.
"Of course, of course-they all say
that. Pay attention, please. What
size corsetl'
"EhP
"Must answer, mum. Remember the
penalty. How many inches around the
waist q
"Well, if you must know, sixteen.
But think it's just shame"
mo remarks, if you please. Ahem
Well call it nineteen. They generally
throw Off about three inches, l find.
Size of shoe 2
"Two-but l can wear one and a
"Ill return you as a No. 3. That's
about what 'threer' always says. Any
beauxT
NV w-what :"
II ray, any beauxl and be careful
about your answer, mum. The Wash
ington authorities are very particular on
this poin. Has everything to do with
the next census, you see. Now, how
many sweethearts T.
"Well-of courss-there are some
gentlemen coming here, and ="
"Of course there are. I've got you
down in the Good Looks space as A