Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-05-22
A Telephone Conversation.

a AeIepnOn1C conversation
MARK Twain in Atlantic Monthly for June.l
consider that conversation by telephone
When GU are simply sitting by aud not taking
any part In that conversation-is one Of the
soleMLest curiosfties OF this modern life. Yes
IeIday was writing deep article on sublime
philosophical subject while such conversation
was going On In the ROOM / notice that one
ian ian Always write pest when somebody is talk
ibgre thhf0ugn telephone close by. Well the
housebold came and asked me to have our house
put INTO communication with Mr.. Bagley'S
NV low sOWn | nave observed, In many cities,
t ,. o1hce themselves. l don't know why,
, ,u! tney 90. So touched the bell, and this
taik eDSued:--
Central 0bfce. rGruf1iv.l Hello.
L. is 1t the Central Office?
C. o. or course 1t is. What do you want?
n1 =; VIII you switch me On to the Bageys,
GO. All right just keep your ear to the
Tn, Then | heard, s-.ook: s-1oos, s-1oos-s.oos-
liLg" OF teeth, and finally a piping female
voice; Yes? [Rising tnfiection.l Did you
to the applicant, and sat down. Then followed
The Queerest of all queer things In this world
a conversation with only one end to it. You
mar mar questlons asked; you don't hear the an
sWef; You hear invitations given; you hear no
marks In return. You have listening pauses
OF de ad silence. followed by apparently irrele-
want and unyustiflable EXPLANATIONS of glad sur
Ellse, OF sorrow, or d1Smay. You can't make
mead or tall OF the talk because you never hear
any tn In mat the person at the other end of
,hr wire says. Well, | heard the following re-
one tongue, and all shOuted,-fOr you can't ever
persuade the sex to speak gently into a tele-
Yes? Why, how did that happen?
What did you say?
m, M T don,+ +bfo,-
Pause
No! oh, no, did MT mean that. Imeant. nut
II IN While 1t Is still boiling,-or just before it
Pause.
WHAT?
Pause.
turned it over with a back stitch on the
sewage edge.
Yes, like that way, too; but l think it's bet
teT 10 paste IL on with Vaenctennes or bomba-
zine, or something OF that sort. 1t gives it SUCH
Pause.
It's forty-ninth Deuteronomy, stxty-fourth to
n1nety.seventh inclusive. l think we ought ali
to read 1T often.
Perhaps so; generally use hair-pin.
quiet! Wv w
Pause.
on! Bto! Dear me, thought you said it was
the cat W. 0''-A ~ " 90
Pause.
Since 1che1l9
Pause.
Why, never heard of it.
You astound me! 1t seems utterly limos.
sible! 0'' A'npo'-
Who did,
Pause.
Goodness gracious!
Pause.
Wen, what is this world coming to? Was it
right In church.?
And was her mother there?
Why, Mrs. Bagley, should have died of hu-
initiation! What did they do?
Long pause.
l can't be perfectly sure, because I have Mt
! Inc botes py me; put think it goes something
tolly-lol-lol ltee-iy-ii-ido And then repeat. You
know. ~"
Pause.
Yes. think it is very sweet,-and very solemn
and impressive. If you get the andantlno and
the pianissimo right.
allow them to eat striped candy. And of course
they can't. TILL they get their teeth, any way.
What?
Pause.
on, not In the least,-go right on. He's here
"T1ding,-it doesn't bother him.
PauSe.
Very well, I'll come If 1 can. lAside.1 Dear
me, now 1t does tire persons arm to hold this
thing up so long wish she'd
Pause.
on, no, not at all; 1 like to talk,-but I'm
afraid I'm keeping you from your affairs.
Pause
Visitors?
Pause.
No, we never use butter on them.
Pause.
Yes, that is very good way; but all the cook
DOCKS say 1hey are very unhealthy when they
are out or season. And he doesn't like them
any way,-espectally canned.
Pause.
oh, think that is too high for them: we have
never paid over fifty cents bunch
Pause.
Must you go? Well, good-by.
Pause.
Yes, think so. Good-by.
Pause.
-Four O'Clock, then-1'n be ready. Good-by.
Pause.
Thank you ever so much. Goea.by.
Pause.
oh, not at all!-j1st as fresh-Which? Oh. I'm
glad to hear you say that. GOod-by
Hangs up the telephone and says. ooh. IT,
does tire persons arm so.n1
man delivers single brutal "Good- by. nand
that is the end OF 1t. Not so with the gentle
SEX say 1t in their praise; they cannot abide
abruptleSS. S