The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-06-03

SUNBEAMS.
Egyptian affairs Mummies.
Are drums sold BY the poundi
A narrow escape-A fire-ladder. E
a compositor makes money hand over
"a tableau is frequently nothing tableau
about. +,
T is the infant-tree that shoots. - White
hdy Times.
A stem winder--the ivy vine. - Yo,,kers,
Statesman.
An undertaken gets his living where an
other man dies.
The preachers vocation is sinnercure.
8alesn Sunbeam
Beggars description the story of atramp.
--BOsto's Journal Of Commerce.
Gould not the doctors fee be Justly called
M-gotten gains. - Yo7,kers Statesman.
! Salt Goldfish should be sold under the
name Of dry goods. -Dantelsonvil Senti-
ssel
When man is rolling in wealth his for
tune is appropriately expressed in round
numbers.
A Vermont editor claims to have seen a
rainbow at night, and the temperance peo-
pie despair of him.
On seeing house being whitewashed, a
small boy asked, Man, if you please, are
you going to shave that house."
When an Indiana woman addresses her
husband as 6 old CORPSE he goes and APP
plies for divorce, and the Court grants it.
It looks bad to see scissors grinder
busily engaged in front of a newspaper Office
I two days in week. Syracuse Sunday
Times.
Deadwood obituaries state that the de-
ceased was of an unobtrusive NATURE" when
he didn't poke into more than three fights
week.
The Stats on the shutter of our Office win
dow are in dilapidated condition.
Please help the blind. 81 ackensack Re
p,l6lican.
st. Louis girls say that those of Chicago
never have shoes that are mates, because
h of the difficulty of finding two sides of
4 leather alike.
"No cash paid out after business hours,
said Smythekins to the midnight highway
man who suggested the transfer of his purse.
Salem Sunbeam.
A contractor, who makes business Of
repairing streets and sidewalks, frequently
complains that his business is Tagging.
Boston Journal Of Commerce.
Madam" said lawyer to his lady client
Sin this case Ishall charge only nominal
fee." "a nominal fee," exclaimed the
lady; that's phenomenal"
No President of the United States ever
parted his name in the middle There
is moral in this, if any one is enough
interested to pick it out. -Steu6enville Her.
y AID.
1t is always safe to learn, even from our
enemies; seldom safe to venture to instruct
even our friends.
A cable dispatch from England has an
nounced the death of the Duchess of Oneida
"a short horn >cow.-iSomea.oSzSe Journal.
He who had steers to shed, shed them now.
---SOLen1 SW7a6eJna
The woman who died from contraction of
corset evidently wasted her opportunity.
--SyrGcuse Sunday Times Grim visaged
death stays not his hand but lace her in the
grave.--He0lt,ljG Constitution.
"What would you do if mamma should
die 2" she pathetically asked her little three
year-old daughter. 81 don't know" re-
piled the infant, with downcast eyes and
melancholy voice. ~ Impose should have
to thpank myself"
little girl went tmidly into store at
Bellaire, o.. the other morning, and asked
the clerk how many shoe-strings she could
get for five cents. ''How long do YOU
want them?" he asked. 81 want them to
keep" was the answer, in tone of slight
surprise
How much are these goods yard 2"
said gentleman at a dry-goods store,
the other day, as he picked up and ex-
amined piece of ruff ed silk ssGood
gracious cried the Mortified clerk sthat
isn't for sale! That's the end of lady's
train She's just going up to the third
story in the elevator"
~ would announce to the congregation
that, probably by mistake, there was left at
the meeting house this morning small cot
ton umbrella, much damaged by time and
wear, and of an exceedingly pale blue color;
in the place whereof was taken very large
black silk umbrella of great beauty. Blum
ders of this sort, my brethren, are getting a
little too common. Boston Journal.
An Irishman once saw clock which
showed the Greenwich and Dublin time,
and he saw that the Dublin time was twenty
minutes behind that of Greenwich, and he
asked how that was, and it was explained to
him that Dublin being to the west of the
first meridian, must have its time later than
that of Greenwich. Then, be the powers, u
says Pat "there is another injustice to ould
Ireland 4"
A man went into store the other day
and asked to look at revolver, and the
weapon was shown him. Then he asked to
see cartridge and one was handed him.
Then he placed the muzzle to his head and
scattered his brains over the store. .'Well, -
calculated the astonished storekeeper,
CHANGING at the soiled walls, ga man who