Daily Kennebec journal., 1880-05-12
NO 1l3.
UGUsTAM MY121 1885,
Mistellaneous.
TELEGRAPH vAGARlES.

/
Azie, Queen Victoria. il is said. lost no
time in intervening in his behalf. by tele-
graphing TO Constantinople and express
ing her hope that the ex-Sultan would not
be subjected to any violence or ill-treat-
ment. ..Soignez lie bein" Uake good
care of him) said Her Majesty; but the.
cruel telegraph made her say ''Saignex le
bein' (bleed him well y and how they
bled him all the world knows This story
is not impossible.
In his last annual report the Postmaster
General owns that poor woman, tele-
graphing to relative, MARY is bad
had her me ssage rendered MARY is dead :"
and that a pleasure party wishing to ad-
wise their friends ut home OF their safety
by the assurance that they had "arrived
all right scandalized the anxious ones
with the announcement. I'VE have arrived
all tight But many jokes are pcrpetrat-
ell by the WIRE without receiving official
recognition.
! A noble lord. as proud and fond as Il
man should be of his beautiful young
wife. was Just about rising TO speak in u
debate when telegram was put into his
hands. He read it, left the House,
jumped into cab. drove to Charing
Cross, and took the train for Dover. Next
day he returned home, rushed into his
wie's room. and finding her there, up
braided the astonishcd lady in no m-
measured terms. She protested her igno-
rance of having done anything to offend
him.
Then what did you mean by your tele-
gram ?'' he asked
Mean What said. of course What
are you talking about?"
"Read il for YOURSELF" said he
She read Il flee with Mr. - to Dover
straight Pray for me-
| For the moment words would not come:
then after merry fit of laughter, the
suspected wife, quietly remarked, go,
those telegraph people! No wonder you
are out of your mind, dear tclegraphed
simply i tea with Mrs. in Dover
street. Stay for me-
King John of SaXony was prone to
dropping in upon officials when they least
expected him. One day he appeared ut
the telegraph office of small station
The clerk appraised his colleague ut the
next station of the unwclcome visit, and
before an acknowledgement of the warn
ing came was called upon to enlighten
the inquring monarch respecting the bus.
iness of his office. Presently a message
came along the wires. and his Majesty de-
sired to be acquainted with its purport.
He was told it was unirportant but was
not to he put off, and insisted upon the
message being repeated to him, so that
the stammering clerk had no choice but
to regalc the royal ears with the German
equivalent for; "Thc King pokes his nose
into everything" If King John was an
noyed at the impertincnce, he had to thank
himself for it.
Such was hardly the ease with the late
Earl Russell One cvenin. when he was
the Minister in attendance, ut Balmoral, II
little old man, buried in great coat,
handed telegram addressed to one of the
ministers in London, to the telegraph
clerk in one of the stations on the Deesislc
railway. The clerk, after glancing at the
message, threw it coEtcmptuously back
with: 'Put your name TO it. It's pity
your master don't know how to send q
telegram" The name was added. "Why
you can't write.'' exclaimed the clerk,
after vainly trying to make something of
the signature. Whats your namep''
"My name ?' said the messcnger-"my
name is John Russell
That clerk was transferred to another
Office before many days.
Writing of the difficulty of the Eng
lish engineers experience in making edu-
Gated Pcrsians understand the working of
the electric telegraph. Mr.. Mounsey says
"Much of the time of one of our Off
GERS was occupied during several weeks
in attempting 20 enlightcn the mind of a
Provinti u Governor, who had got it into
his head that the wires were hollow tubes,
and that messages were transmitted
through them. us i'm the pneumatic post
In vain was the whole apparatus shown
to his IIighncss; in vain even all its parts
explained and re-cxplained-hc stuck to
his idea; and it was only by the sugges.
ton of the following simile that he was
ut last induced torelInguish it and declare
himself satisfied. Imagine said the
officer, "a dog whose tale is here al
Tcheran, and his muzzlc in London tread
on his tail here. and he will bark there -
A droll mistake was made by an imag-
inative old dame who having permitted a
telegraph pole to be placed on the top OF
her house. waited upon the chief Of the
telegraphc company concerned to COM
plain that she could get no sleep of a
night, being kept awake by the noise
made by the messages passing over her
head.
| uDl I tlitlhs Sii. odia .suC, yOu Cnts
be aware of all that's said along them
wires. There's deal that hadn't ought
to be; can assure you, sir, that very
much that's said there, that l have to lie
and listen to, is such as no decent woman
ought to hear; and hope you will put q
stop to it,"
The amused gentleman was hardly
able to meet the accusation with due
gravity; but he did contrive to keep his
countenance while he informed the old
lady that the Young men who had hither-
to worked the wires were under notice Ol
dismissal; and that in the future only
Young women Of great respectability
would be employed, SO there would be nj
danger of her propriety being shocked
any longer.-Chambers' Journal.
The time has passed for the 'sElixirs,
ssCordials," etc. for the baby. and DIR. Bull