The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-03-27
HUMOROUS.

Two of those ornaments made of
plaster of Parls, Favored with sugar,
were oesto wed upon an urchin, with
inc usual warning, "Don't eat them,
whatever you do. They will poison
you; For some time they were re-
garded by him ana his younger brother
with mingled awe and admiration 3; but
one one day their mother missed one.
"Iom," said she TO the owner, who
was just setting forth for school, 'w LAT
nave you done with that figure P"
Gly'd 1t to Dick" was the reply !;
Hand II he Is living when come home.
mean to eat tho other one myself"
IHE mysteries OF 4 baby's toilet were
altogether new to little four-year-old,
and he carefully watched the bathing
ana dressing Of his little cousin. When
the little powder box was open, and the
Hutfy, brush was about to be used
underneath the ,baby's chin and other
places, he exclaimed, "Oh, aunty, let
me see you salt her."
T., a LITTLE girl observed her mother
measuring cloth by holding it upto her
nose with one hand and reaching out to
arms length with the other. She as
snmed a thoughtful aspect, and, after
cogitating q few moments, asked,
"How can you measure cloth that way?
Can you smell a yard?"
"GENTLEMEN," said all auctionecr.
with true pathos, elf my father and
mother stood where you stand and did
not buy this stewpap--this elegant
stewpan going at $l-l should feel it
my bounuen duty as Il son to tell both
OF them they were false to their coun-
T. 81 M fSlS tN
TIE mystery that a Rockland boy de-
sires the advancing years 20 unfold Is
why ne Is always rushed off TO bed
when he Is not in tho least degree
sleepy, and made to get up when he Is
so sleepy that 1t seems as If his whole
system was clogged with pitch.
YOUNG lady who came In last week
to advertise for kitchen help said with
a sigh and wiring of her dainty gloved
hands, "Oh | do hope we'll set one
soon. For 1t does almost break my
heart to Gee mother wash dishes. with
her rheumatism, toO.'
LAND-S1EwARD ito tenant farmer(
Nv ell, Giles, what are you going to
SOW in here 3"i ~ 10 I.
a hioi AlHG ZaCIly tnauc up my
mind, sir; but If we could put in u few
stewards and land agents-they seems
to thIlve best OA the land now-a .davs y,
Tie salary Of the Car is Sl7.4O a
minute. 1t seems good pay when one
does not remember that his principal
occupation Is that Of being shot at by
some of his beloved SUBJECTS.
lT was said of an inyeterate drunkard
that he had met with Affections, and
drank H. drown his grief. "Then,"
said bystander, "hs grief must know
how to SWIM"
HEN will set on a nest Of eggs for
days without murmur; but let man
set on dozen eggs but for minute
and he will use fowl language enough
to fill barn-yard.
SHORT skirts are now worn for dane
ing dresses, and the gentlemen are no
longer obliged TO wait for the ladies' TO
sidetrack their trains before they can
pass. r.h
'DUBLlN'-No, it doesn't require a
man with a car-load Of brains to stand
behind hotel counter, and wear an
alleged diamond, and not know any
thug.
ULSTER Is n curious name for
young la ly, but that is what an Irving
ton young man calls his queen. We
suppose because he IS so wrapped up in
her.
BEFORE marriage Il girl frequently
calls her intended cher treasure" but
when he bee mes her husband she
looks upon him as "hcr treasurer"
a PEORIA woman sneezcd sher jaw
out of place lately, and the married
men OF the place have been buying
snuff ever since.
"Dors yc keep pothin, but dry goods
here?" #"Yes, ma'm.'1 "Ehin where
VII will y, ] be sa'ter tor goin' + Tor e. q waterded ed
THE illicit distiller down south thinks
catches the worm.
BONES are hard to digest and are not
suited to stay the stomach-.unless
used in corset.
BLESSED are the peacemakers, said
the small boy who dropped costly
vase. .5As,& q. ~ Ebgrr,
CoRNs and bunions give the feet a
knobby appearance.
--
Mrs. HARRINGTON NsAYs.-Don't take
any of the qlatk rosLrums, as they are
regimenlal 10 the tuman cistern; but
put your trust In Hop Bitters, which
will cure general dilapidation, costivc
habits and all comic diseases. They
saved Isaac from severe extract of
tripod fever. They are the ne plus
IMAM Of medicines. %b5s ~
The price of soap is rapidly advanc-
ing. a years supply of DoBBINs'
ELEcTRlc. bought now at old price
will be Il very iudicious puachase.
| MOTHER SHIPToN's prophecy Is sup
posed to be about, four hundred years
old, md cverysprophecy has been full.
filled except the lasG-the end of the