Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-06-03
ITEMS OF INTEREST.


d miles a year in his regular trips.
e Gladstone's chief food is fish, and h
e drinks little Bordeaux and less Port.
n Mr.. Tennyson has been nominated to tn,
i Lord RectOrship Of Glasgow university.
Authors are spoken of as dwelling il
+ attics, because so few of them are able Il
q live on their first story.
The Tombstone Epltaph is the somewhat
r depressing name of new weekly paper
published at Tombstone, Arizona.
A dead snake can be brought to life
! with pint of whisky. You drink the
, whisky and then look at the snake.
England begins to suspect that Beacons-
field is only an oleomargarine sort Of
, statesman-smooth, oily and deceittul.
, The New Orleans Picayune makes the
surprising statement that when one bar
ber shaves another barber he does not
talk.
In some respects the genter sex far
surpass us. No man, for instance, can
: deliver lecture with dozen pins in his
mouth.
"Well," said an old Lincoln republican,
I'VE may have a dark horse or light
horse; but we don't want a political
zebra"
The editor of the Boston Transcript was
asked whether Il circus man can 90 to
heaven, and he replied, "Well, he has a
pretty good show"
One of the saddest and most vexatious
trials that comes to girl when she mar
rles is that she has to discharge her moth
er and depend on Il servant girl.
A Detroit mule accomplished the feat of
kicking two men at once, Although they
stood several feet apart, each received one
of the beasts hind feet IN his face.
"What," says an inquiring young lady,
Us the most popular color for brde2"
We may be a little particular in such
matters, says the Elmira Telegram, but
we should prefer a white one.
A dog, which nightly constituted itself
guardian of the Confederate monument in
Augusta, Ga, has been shCt because he
prevented the attendant from extingulsh-
ing the lights at its base in the morning.
There is probably nothing so exhilarat-
ng IN the experience of the amateur gar
lener as when he steps upon the hoe, and
the responsive handle Immediately arises
70 implant tervent kiss between his
eyes.
When mans wife comes in and sees
him razor in hand, and with his fare all
ather, and asks him, "Are you shaving?"
it provoking thing in hlm to answer,
'No, I'm blacklng the stove;" but it's
human nature so to reply.
Simultaneously, in the Audubon Cowa)
county clerk office, one man applied for
Il copy Of decree OF divorce from his
former wife, and another man for a license
TO marry her. The former wished thee
latter joy, but sarcasm was detected M
his tone.
Prize conundrum-Whv is dog that
was refused exhibition at the dog show
because of his lameness, like sheet of
blolting paperP Because lame dog is a
slow pup, and a slope up is an inclined
plane, and an ink.lined plane is a sheet of
blotting paper.
A professor said of an acquaintance:
"He is writing book on metaphysics,
and is really cut out for it. The clearness
with which he thinks he understands
things and his total inability to express
what little he knows, will make his for.
tune as philosopher"
A man in New Orleans has for nets a
host Of big and little spiders. He first be-
came enamored Of them on account Of
their thrift, courage, industry and skill.
tie has at length become so engrossed
with them as pets that be spends his
whole time with them and does not care
to see visitors.
No real generous man." remarks an
exchange, "would go to a spiritual seance
given by lady medium, and, inst as the
ghost is walking about while the medium
Is tied in the cabinet, exclaim: There's
a rat right by the ghost" 1t spoils the
effect to have the ghost yell and gather up
its skirts and run"
A lawyer was compelled to apologize to
the court. With stately dignity he rose
in his place and SAID: "Your honor is
right, and ! am wrong, as your honor
generally is" There was dazed look
in the judges eye, and he hardly knew
whether to feel happy or fine the lawyer
for contempt of court.
That was thoroughly characteristic
md sincere reply which surprised saloon
keeper is reported as making the other
lay to religious worker who visited him
n his place Of business and asked him
whether he expected to go to heaven. TO
oe sure, " he replied; "zum time; bime-
1y. Wy vudn't II"
Nouistown Herald: The New York
iraphc says: "a mans slippers are
made for comfort, and a woman's to show
ler colored stockings" The whirligig Of
.ime brings many changes. When we
we're boy a woman's slippers were not
made to show her colored stockings
They were made to-but the subject Is toe
painful.
In Belgium both the husband and wife
spend the evening at cafe, he
wine or beer, and she coffee.
One Of the peculiarities of their dinner
when they eat at home-is that they are
very apt TO have music between the
courses. The piano, an upright one, is
always in the breakfast room, and after
the soup has been removed and before the
fish has come in, the host turns his char
around to the piano and gives few bars
Of some popular song of the day.
"The circus is coming" remarked Mrs.
laying down her paper,
with no end of trained horses and cara
nels, hypothenuses and other bedizens of
jhe forest and jungle. How well re.
member the first time Daniel took me to
he circus! As we entered the tainted
Isaid to him: "How terribly
he wild animalcules growl. don't theyP"
was eenamost frightened to death till
Daniel told me it was only the vendoes of
PEANUTS and prize packages plying their
ogation.
my boys, said strict churchwoman
o her children at the beginning of the
ecent Lenten season, 81 should like very
much to have you deny yourselves some
hing during the solemn weeks of Lent.
Nillyou 10 itp" ''I will, mamma" said
ohnny, ,edate child, who was very fond
i sriddlo. cakes; am do without my
axes in The morning." "That's a good
10Y. Andwhat will you giveup, Harrys"
he asked Of his little brother, q bundle Of
he pursst mischief that ever lived, who
vas fond Of play, but had no love for books.
oh, III give up going to school, mamma,
OR my part" was his ready anawer.
There is A good deal of human nature
D a ten-yearold girl. The Browns were
discussing, at the breakfast table, how
many conference delegates they would try
0 entertain. Two, four and and six were
he numbers before the house, and The
,eneral sentiment seemed to be IN favor
i the smallest number. Little ten-year-