Smyrna times., 1880-05-19
WHOLE NO. 1907.
Chowder,
A nanny-mated scene: Two goats in har.
ness.- Yauc0J Strauss

A nanny-mated scene: Two goats in har.
nsss.- Ia,ecoJ Strauss.
Whiskey is a bad Juice, and vou can't
make good use OF it neither. Marathon
! independent
,ch ihe pin may not be devinely called to
| iulhl mission, but it has appointed work
to do.-'Heu5enrAe Herald.
| great many men who start out to reform
th" world leave themselves off for the last
job -Nlddleto~n Transcript.
lTas beautiful "purp" that ran through the street
But alas as he turned in a passage 49, ''0'''
erlZzly old DietCher collared him thcre
an" no" ne made into Spring 'sassidge"
II free and easy fellow is called a iollv
uog' what would you call 4 tobacco chever?
a spltz dog.--Ne,c York Commercial.
lhe futility Of crying over split milk is
explained by the fact that there is already
water enough in it.-.SomeruiNs Journal.
Let the frogs have monopoly of croak.
ing this Spring, and every man make the
most OF his busineSs.-Fon du Lac Reportsr.
The days are said to be growing longsr
out we notice that it takes seven Of 'en1 to
make week, all the same.-T5ronto GRIN
How many there in the world,
Devised by Gods great plaA
Who can look into a looking glass
Ana see all honest man?
-Lampton
Last Summers blue flannel trousers. with
patch OF red flannel in the seat, will be
worn this Summer at the seaside.-Neriden
Recorder.
what this country stands most in need Of
Is OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES .octave.electro
mealcated.brain pad-and it wants it bad
Lockp0rt U,.ion
An advertisement says Save your hair
while you have it," Isn't this calculated to
discourage emigration to the Indian coun.
try?-Romc Sentinel
Inc hop crop can never be failure in the
United states as long as people will wear
tight boots and 60 where cerns NAV he trod
upon Waterloo OGSercer.
When woman runs after Il street car.
waving her handkerchief wildly, the con.
ductor knows well enough what the wild
waves saying-Fat Contributor
A news item tells of a man being killed
In quarrel about two cents" OAe of the
parties was two cent.sitve, and the old
nickel get him.-Norristo,0n Herald.
An exchange speaks Of " sea of glass"
We presume it refers to somebody's glass
eye onEerS Statesman. This joke is am
optical illusion. See ? Wheeling Leader.
There has been very little change in the
construction of shad since last season. The
shad OF year ago wore POO 7OS. .642 bones:
this seasons contains 200, los, ,65O.-Norr;s.
town Herald.
1he average young man knows what he
IS about when he makes love to a red
headed, treckled face, homely girl. Her
old man carries the secret in his pocketbook.
-O,cego Blade.
:" l ii teach you to tear your clothes So,
SAID an lrate father reaching for the family
urchiR chastlser. is unnecessary" :" said
the mother. " He knows too we'll already"
--ncGregor Ne,cS.
=" If, said Plato, one does not believe
IN the transmigration of the souls of ami.
mals into human bodies, how can one
account for the fact that plumbers are such
everlasting hogs ?'-Puck.
DR.. Hall says that every blade of grass
contains sermon. We can understand
now why some people shave their lawns
down SO close. They want the sermons
cut short.-KeOkuk Gate City.
When you see a crowd of people start
from the sidewalk for the middle of the
street you may conclude that a strong.
minded woman with baby carriage is not
far off.-DanieLsonvi! Sentinel
How" asked Hippocrates of Diogenes,
" shall show to the world that have an
extensive practice? ~ By placing your
Office in the neighborhood Of your favorite
grave yard, was the answer.-Puck.
Body snatching is quite fourishing in
dustry in the vicinity of Ottawa. We do
not desire to alarm Lorns unnecessarially,
but he was taken with peetical fits lately,
and we think it simply right to put him on
his gusrd.-Ne,o York Commercial.