The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-12-25
NO. IL.
CHRISTMAS HUMOR.

NhhASt IVA 40 hCmOhe
THE muss that children are anxious 10
get into-Christmus
As the Christmas tree is bent. so II
the youthful heart made glad.
CHaIsrMAs is the anniversary OF dys-
pepsia's fowlest conspiracy against CONF
fort.
HosE more lespised by little children
than the man who takes no stockin' Santa
CLAUSE
REMEMBER the barber, the bootblack
and the bartender Advice TO Bach
ciors
SOM folks will hang mp their stockings
Christmas eve, end some will hang up
the bartender.
The man who takes unto himself wife
on Christmas eve will be sure to have
well-illed stockings
Ir is said that child born on Christ
mus will always hate turkey and goose,
and lean towards Goldfish and bacon.
Tna small boy now puts in eight hours
day iiatteDing his nose against the
windows of confectionery and toy stores.
Is Kriss K,nge alive plpap'
Tn. small by sa'd
"Ahl "a AMI kiekinc.'"
Bad the famiS's he'd
CHRISTMAS is rapidly coming this way,
and the young man with No. 8 foot
will, III usual, DO presented With pNir Vt
No. 6 slippers.
IisrsS 10 the slrfh-'cs linrlei
s-,he mclry sn,s sank.s IA, ngiri
u.w l. mak, uur II -sl,sd IN 10!
royal welcome 10 I'D KISS Ctingc!
If You really desire 10 perpctrato
practical joke upon your printer this
year just send him tho amount Of yo1r
subscription on Christmas.
WHAT tlu,s the l,odays roli round
The m hay, sii III frsks,
Lad by tho eur, - his nia draws near,
Aud x teeth his Crlstmas box.
'IIASa up the babys stockingl"
shouts tho Hackensack Rcppb,ican. We
want it distinctly understood that wa
haven't any such appendages.
A YOUNG man who gavo his girl S75
gold watch hat Christmas, married her
during the summer, and now he thinks
the present was 'time' well spent
Now comes the season when the young
man, OH an eight dollar salary, bothcrs
his brains to raise the stamps to get his
girl twonty dolr.r holiday present -
kansas Cfty Times.
CHpI3rMAs falls ON Saturday this year,
and severe storms are predicted. The
st,rm will likely break when tho young
stcrs wake up and find their stockings
filled with chunks OF coal.
THE morning DAVIS, and the house,
hold is awakened by the sound of drum
and fife But ii ~ not WHIP II is not the sum
mons to go out and slaughter the Zulus.
Nay. brethren, il Us Christmas. - Nesv
iosx Express.
MAMMA" said the lttlo one, do yon
know what you are going to give me for
Christmns?" "Why yes, y said the moth
or, ''of course ] know" "Well, for mer-
cy's sake, don't tell me-" responded the
puss with great vehemonce.
As CHRISTMAS approaches, the young
man who has been toasting his toes, and
lounging on the best parlor sofa, begins
to tsy and get up quarrel with his
young girl so as to escape bankrupting
himself on Christmas present. -
Baltimore Euery Saturday.
SHE tripod DER the ushy crossing, a
And lie wind, that btr ely tisw,
An Inch 80 Of her ankle 1aiI'
KIP sod to trs pubic WOW.
The Officer on tho next eornar
Was istinety heard TO say,
SThai'A tho incest thing In q stocking
have soen this Christmas day"
siso aye the merry mistletos,
The merry, merry misrletoe, M
Tho merf y, merry niististce,
Tie mistIetoe bough"
Now comes Christmas 10 remind US Va
may make o,lr lives sublime, and depart
lug, leave behind us scores Of slippers.
numbered ''nine. "--tStiltiUater Lumber
man. Slippers that perhaps anothet
who shall in your footsteps tread--a pre-
feired and bigger brother--may wish
they were items" instead - Rome Ssntf-
mel. Slippers that perhaps a mother,
striving hard to make ends meet, will use
upon your wild young brother, because
he won't keep off the street
Ii Scotland, except among Catholics
and Church Of England people, Christ
mas is scarcely noticed. Other denomf.
nations who notice the season, defer the
rejoicings to Twelfth told Christmas) day.
A Scotchman, who was asked how Christ
mas was spent in his country, replied:
"Hoot, ava, mon, we dinna mind the
Yule-the Christmas ye ca it, mon. A
wo mind is New Years Day; and then
every mon who can afford it gets drunk. I"
"OH. yes, wait till Christmas" snarlcd
the youthful scion, "that's always tho
way. If want new sled, wait till
Christmas; o pair of skates, wait till
Christmas. / waited last year, end
didn't get sled or skates either. Nothing
but book with red cover and little
baby card with verses onto it. Christ
mas is fraud. Boys never get nothing
they want" and he mentally resolved
that he would write to tho P1,sident and
have him omit bis Christmaa proclamar
ton this year.