Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-09-04
Another Theory Busted.

Detroit Free Press.
A widow who was going to leave the
| city held an auction OF her household
! effects Yesterday, and everything went
| at prompt sale until little but the bead
| stead was left. Just before this was
put up some OF the women went To spy
inc around and discovered that 1t was
infested by bedbugs. This fact was
| noised around until il came TO the ears
OF the auctioneer, VINO mounted his box
and said;
words cannot express the poignancv
OF nv sorrow over the base canard
which has been put in circulation in
this crowd. | have sold goods in this
town for twenty-nine long years, and
this is the first instance in which bugs
have been permitted to step between
me and the purchasing public. Ladies
and gentlemen, If there is a bug IN or
about that bedstead want to see him.
cannot and will not believe there is.
1t would be a slander-a most foul SLAM
der on the character of this worthy wild
Ow, who is about 10 remove TO the State
OF Ohio"
Being invited to step down and view
the bugs for himself he made and inspec-
ton. They were there. They were
galloping in and out and up. and down,
and it was no use to dispute the fact.
Ladies' and gentlemen" said the auc-
tioneer, as he resumed his post, 81 did
find bugs. | don't exactly remember
the Latin name for them, but they are
there. And now let me talk to you as a
friend. Bedbugs were not made Tor a
gaudv show, nor were they made for a
life OF ease. 1t is law OF nature that
they should inhabit bedsteads. They
can no more 90 out under the barn and
make living than a dog can become an
eagle and float through space. The
| aversion among you to tins insect Is
founded on false principles. His bite
irritates the sleeper, but II cleanses anu
purifies the blood. But Tor the bedbugs
of this country we should all have Dolls
and carbuncles. They also keep down
warts. They cause moles to disappear
| Give them a chance and they would re-
move corns without pain The great
-
"Fiity cents" called an old woman
who remembered that she had a remedy
| at home.
"Fiitv cents am offered fifty cents
for $40 bedstead, and as | was going
to say, the great Napoleon always asked
for bed with bugs in it. am offered
fifty cents, and yet Caesar had his bugs
| | am-
lone dollar"
al am offered one dollar, and yet the
poets of Greece immortalized the insects
| before Won. This widow tells me that
| She has not had an ache nor a pain since
| the first bug made its appearance. But
| how many of you have read what HON.
| or wrote to them? What was the foun.
tain OF Mozart's twelfth mass: And
| vet =
1.-TWO dollars"
"And yet | hear only two dollars
Do YOU have headache Are you altllct.
ed with giddiness? Do you have roaring
in the ears
Three dollars
"My friends, let me 90 home aud get
| NV copy of Paradise Lost and read to
you one short chapter. What did Mill
! toni
-Four dollars"
"Ah, begin to see that art and Gull
ture are not unknown to the audience.
Did Alexander the Great have boils?
Never,
Five dollars 800,
81 am bid five dollars. | would like
to quote one verse from a well'known
Latin poet, but time presses and this
bedstead is sold Tor five dollars, cash on
the nail. | will now direct your cui'
tured attention to that cook-stove with a
cracked oven"