Connecticut western news., 1880-03-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

reduced to extrem1tles.
 A bride may wear @ very plainly made dress at her wedding, but she wants to have it puffed in the nc ewspaper.
 A fashionable tailor says that his charges are not half so extravagant as the tastes and promises of his patrons. An ancient tom-cat on the summer kitchen;
 A boot-j jack raised, a solemn caterwaul;
 moments silence, and quick departure
 And then, wasted boot t-jack-that is all.
 When you can hardly say enough for man, say he is one of thousand. It will be true as long as there are 999 other men in the world.
 Only one woman in fifteen the world over is judge of lace. The only safe way is to criticise any lace any woman happens to wear.
 A Michigan girl has been arrested for carrying 8 revolver. This is right. No female should be allowed to wear bangs in her hip pocket.
 He who initiates what is evil always goes beyond the example that is set; on the contrary. he who initiates what is good, always falls short.
 Faith builds bridge across the gulf of death, to break the shock blind Nature cannot shun, and lands thought smoothly on the farther shore. . A Pittsburg man recently made two unsuccessful attempts to hang himself. The Oil City Derrick thinks that he must at some time have been Sheriff.
 Tt is only by labor that thought can be made healthy, and only by thought that labor can be made happy, and the two cannot be separated with impunity.
 In the light of eternity we shall see that what we desired would have been fatal to us, and that what we would have avoided was essential to our we'll being.
 The difference between shaking hands with a President and pump handle is SO slight that tens of thousands of men wouldn't go a rod to shake 6 President.
 A lecturer on optics remarked, "Let any man gaze closely into his wife's eye and he will see himself look ing so exceedingly small that "-(Shouts of laughter.)
 Mir. Smith, who has to lug a scuttle of coal up stairs three times day, reads with prospective joy the announcement that the coal fields of the world will be exhausted in 2,00O years.
 A man in Bridgeport is credited with the frank confession that he don't suppose people care mnch what he says in town meetings, but that his talk is @ wonderful relief to himself.
 It costs each sovereign about $500 Q time to congratulate the CEar on his escape from death, and the taxpayers are beginning to demand that he let up on his assassination racket.
 There is a place in Michigan called Vassar. But there is no college there and the girls amuse themselves by climb ing piles of lumber, there being no Greek roots to stumble over.
 A Scotch landlady, being told by a customer that he hoped she put no pernicious ingredients into her liquor, retorted 'There's naething pernicious put into our barrels but the excise- mans stick" ..
 Speaking of "Benuett's gift to the irish poor, the Eureka Leader nobly asks: "What is $100,000 to man of such wealth ?" As a general rule it is less than $5 to the man who envies him his wealth.
 -" What I say is this, doctor: l ap- prove entirely of fox-hunting as manly, health giving and invigorating amuse- ment; but not as pursuit, sir." Irish dcctor:-" Faith, yell find many t'agree with ye there, especially foxes"
 When 8 member of convention misses the chance of nominating the chairman, he needn't be discouraged. He can get mentioned in the papers by offering resolution thanking some- body for the use of the hall. The road to fame is open to all.
 -"Howmuch are these goods yard p'' said gentleman in a dry goods store the other day, as he picked up and ex- amined @ piece of ruff1ed silk. "Good gracious 1" cried the mortified clerk, "that isn't for sale That's the end of @ lady's train She's just gone up to the third story in the elevator"
 Let no one affirm that dog-dealers do not understand good manners. A distinguished lady, having purchased a deg from worthy vender, inquired his name. William" he responded, after some hesitation. civilian is not that a little oddY" "Well, ma'am we calls him Bill, but I don't like to say that to the likes O you."
 If. thou desire to see thy child virtuous, let him not see his fathers devices; thou cRnst not rebuke that in children that they behold in thee; till reason be ripe, examples direct more than precepts such as thy behavior is before thy children's faces, snch commonly is theirs behind their parents back.
 A young architect recently created a reputation by building for newly married couple house in which the parlor had two freplaces close together so designed that the husband and wife could each build fire in an individual manner without quarreling, and ther could sit together at the same hearth warmed by mutual blaze. Theirplac' is hence called " Harmony Grove" 1, GIN man shall ever kiss me excep