The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-05-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

Sheet music-Snoring.
Woman's qucst-Conquest.
Sweet home--Thc beehive
The rest Of the week-Sunday,
How to mark the table lincn-Upsct the gravy
A hard thing TO bcatA boarding house carpet.
If you would open the peoples eyes, arise, be
wise, and advertise.
Years ago one man owned every dog in the
word--hi5 name was Noah
when does Il COW become real estate When
turned into field.
In these ocomargarne days no one knows on
which side his bread is buttered.
Politicians should swear by Jupiter. He was
the first to bolt-Boston Transcript.
The days are growing longer, but they don't
show that way on note.
A lady recently Icctured in Detroit on "Burns,'
but failed to tell what would cure 'cm.
When Boston girl goes to the fish market to
buy pcrc C asks for acanthoptcrygian.
new .ccs of fowl discovered in Alaska is
called plumber bird" 1t has very biz
bill.
Mr. Dowocy of Wyoming suggests new use
for spring poets. We can make congressman OF
'em.-Chicago Times.
Western medium induces the spirits to play
on Il piece Of paper as if it were tombourne
This must be roppng paper.
The Chicago Trjj.ar sogcly observes; The
young man who wants to get up with the sun
must not sit up too late with the daughter
The man who named troltcr " Chicago Girl"
says It was because the Chicago girls arc fast.
Bunting is by no means fit for childrcn's wear,
-Fastioa I'fmx. Old Mother Goose recommend
ed it for infants wear: buy baby buntin'."
An crring citizen Of Fort Wayne, while fishing
on Sunday last, had fit, fell into the water and
was drowned. Moral: Never have fit while
fishing
Reward Of Merit; The next" pupil who
spelled chimney correctly was told by his teacher
To 20 up ouc-but didn't want TO.
Why is it that wife on retiring at night never
asks her husband if the doors are all locked un.
I'll he is snugly IN bed:
Atmosphcrlcal knowledge is not thoroughly
distributed to our schools. 4 boy being asked,
What is mist?' vaguely responded, "An UNI
brela"
An observing man has discovered similarity
between young ladies' seminary and Il sugar,
house, as both refine what is already sweet.
A Detroit mule accomplished the feat of kick
ing two men at once Although they stood sew
cral feet apart, each received one Of the beasts
hind feet in his face.
A negro tramstcr in Nashville declares that he
must either give up driving mules or withdraw
from the church, the two positions being incom.
patible.
When wOmau's suffrage becomes a fact, it is to-
be hoped, says the Philadelphia Neus, that no
man will be so mean as TO let a mouse loose in q
political convention.
''The Black Crook, as performed in Leadylle
Theatre, lasts until o'clock in the morning |
But drinks are sold between the acts and those
conviyial intervals average an hour each
The Hon Jrhl silks to its spelling with prs
tncy worthy betr kOZ. The language begins |
10 LUX like vtrn oy the lat waur, minus wun arir
and both legs.-N. Y. Com. Advertiser.
A small boy named Candey came home from
school crying the other day. lie said that two
boys licked him. The teachers say they can't
prevent the pupils from licking Candey after
school hours.
Prize conundrum-Why is a dog that was re.
fased exhibition atthe dog. show because Of lame
ness like sheet Of blottingpaper. Because a
lame dog is slow pup, and slope up is an in
cIined plane, and an Ink-lined plane is a sheet of
plotting paper.