Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-02-05
All Sorts.
I horse-race-Colts.

All SDftSs
A horSe-race-COlts.
In at the death-a bullet.
A deceiving age-Sausage.
A cold snap-An icy answer.
Valentine poetry is poisoning.
Playing bawl-Feigning to cry.
A light supply-The gas works
Carriage wheels are always tired.
A boys whistle is often sucked tin.
Enough for scent-A penny cigar.
That's gnome matter-A ghost story.
The last match in the box is loath to
Prize-fghters should diet on pound
cake.
Uneasy lies the face that wears a
frown.
The starving tramp has his daily bill
of 'air.
Held for further hearing-The Aud
iphone.
Did Noah have archives for his pair
of bees.
Pinaforeism-Better late than hard
ly ever.
A tornado is a great blow to any
country.
A man full of quinine feels like a
buzZard.
Held for a further hearing-The ear
trumpet.
A firm foundation-Establ a
partnership.
A water course-A series of temper
ance lectures.
. When man proposes he makes his
maiden effort.
Writ of error-Love letters to anoth-
er mans wife.
The man who hires plumber always
pays the piper.
The difference between sea and a
saw is in tense.
A rolling-pin gathers no moss while
it sticks to dough.
The flower of the family is generally
found in a sacque.
Leap year don't amount to much
the men are so coy.
The general appearance of tipsy
man is dizzy-pated.
Musicians are judged by the accom-
paniment they keep.
Many mortgager though poor in
purse is rich in deed.
Old Ouray appears to be bigger man
than the Government.
A key that overthrows the wards of
the nation-Whiskey!
: If wishes We're fishes, what a whal-
ing time we would have.
What kind of wood comes the near
est to making fire? Fir.
A writer must plant little fun be-
fore he can raise laugh.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be
shifted at, not swallowed.
It is meet and drink that is depriv-
ing many family of food.
An old bachelor says o'clock teas
could not be better named.
Wages-The sweet oil with which
human machinery is creased.
Escapes are always narrow. Who
ever heard of a broad escape?
A tramp and Keely's moter are alike.
inasmuch as they wont work.
A sleeping car that is a gem to the
weary traveller-A carbunkle.
"Not lost, but gone BEFORE" exclaim-
ed the sexton when his hat blew Oft.
"My wedding trip" said the groom
as he stumbled over the brides train.
The music of the bell is not in its
tongue. Bellies should remember this.
Women are the funniest when they
say nothing; but women arc seldom
funny.
A negro is not always successful
dairyman, although he makes a good
butter.
It certainly shows public spirit in the
man who contracts a disease that IS
spreading.
Hood is the best poet for the head,
Lamb for the stomach and Shoemaker
for the foot.
Edison is not a native of the United
States. He was invented near Digby,
Nova Scotia.
Bachelor smokers admit that an
amber mouth-piece isn't as pretty as a
cherry-red one.
Mrs. Darlington says Ike has bought
horse SO spurious that it always goes
Off on decanter. q
The harmless little weather vane
never murmurs, although it is at all
times being bowed.
AS is the golden tress of hair in but
ter, SO are unkind words from the lips
of a beautiful woman.
The West is full of social wrecks.
The present Governor of Colorado was
once q respectable carpenter.
"Horrid little thing, without a set of
bangs to her name," is the newest Chi
cago phrase for describing rival.
"Alcohol will clean silver" Yes,