The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-06-24
PASSING SMILES.


by the rise in cotton. The cotton will
help the shape.
PATRICK on the zebra: "Phat kind Of
q baste is that-the mule wild his ribs on
the outside of his shkin entoirly?"
PHILADELPHIA clergymen state that
the commandment against swearing was
gotten up before croquet was invented.
A WIFE should preserve the honor of her
husbands name, for frequently that is all
he has ever given her worth mentioning.
THERE are more watches worn in the
United States than in any other country.
OF course the people have better time.
. "DUTY stares me in the face, said the
deacon, when the custom-house officers
caught him smuggling a dozen pairs of
gloves.
PRINCIPAL, drawing out his watch to
an unpunctual clerk: "Mr. johnson, it
is already half-past nine" Clerk, draw
ing out his watch and looking at it;
agrees, precisely, sir"
A COUPLE of soldiers of the Salvation
Army approached Philadelphia broker
recently and asked: "How is it with
you my friend?" 81 am short on Read
ing, replied the broker.
A VERMONT couple put off applying
for divorce one term of court, so that
they could profit by their tin wedding.
And yet they tell us the people of this
country are needlessly extravagant and
unthrifty.
He was informed that lady had
called to see him in his absence. ga
lady, he mused aloud, ga lady" Upon
an accurate description he suddenly
frightened up and added, "Oh, dot vas
no lady; dot vas my wife. D."
STRAIGHT where she sraycd, with stride he stIcde
Sad sighed he on the sod and said
" say, soc sigh and sue you So
She had no heed, but hid her head
Maud's mood the mud of need made mad,
Nor answer knew she now but "No,"
Vol Hhum0n
A BARGAIN. (Scene, u country inn {
Tourist Confound it, woman; there's
a chick in this egg" Landlady y-"W Well,
sir, you are n lucky one Ina few weeks
| could have had half n crown for that
fowl, and ere you get it for twopence. y
And still he was not satisfied.
A DAMsEL from over the river was look
ing over some books in Quincy book.
store, endeavoring to make selection,
when the clerk asked, "How would you
like the Autocrat of the Breakfast
Table," She replied ooh, we've got
two of EN- now, one of 'em just as good
| as new--only been washed twice. "
"JoNEs propounded the following the
other evening, after slipping of his alleged
tea; "Why is this drink like milk?'
OF course nobody could guess, and after
he had divulged by saying it was lack
teal fluid, nobody dared to smile. They
knew that the landlady's eyes were upon
them.
A SUCCESSION of direful shrieks is heard
on the first floor. Fond mother" What
is the matter with Billy" Colored ser
vant-"Please, man, he is cryin' about
dc jewbcrrics. "He can't have any
more. He has had four saucerfuls al.
ready" "Dem is de berry ones he is
whoopin' about. He's all swolled up"
The Detroit Free Press has inter
viewed q Boston ice cart driver, who
says that 1.-THE size of the lump left at
at the kitchen door depends considera-
bly, on the good or badloo Of the cook. "
This argument ought to convince
mans wife of the desirability of keeping
a good-looking cook, but it won't.
A CAPITAL anecdotc is told of little
fellow, who in turning over the leaves of
n scrap, book came across the well-known
picture of some chickens just out of thoi-
shells. My companion examined the
picture carefully, and then with II grave,
sagacious look at me, slowly remarked,
"They came out cos they was afraid OF
being boiled"
A PRUDENT lover sings:
The thrush in the thcket is singing
The lark is abroad on the lea
And over the garden gate swinging
maiden is waiting for me.
She will wait till she's weary, Pm thinking
Though eager am for the tryst;
She will wait TIL the bright stars are blinking
And sigh for the kisses she miss'd.
For her father is yatch'ul and wary,
very ill-tempered old churl,
And I'm not the sort OF canary
To be kicked for the love of girl.
The following from Forney's Progress
is equal to anything in the creme dc Ia
chrOniques Of the French; "What is
happiness? asked man of woman.
"to be the best loved of some one,
she answered promptly. "To assure it
| must add also TO love that one best.
"Oh, was talking of the possible" said
she. The conversation closed.