The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-08-13
COMICALlTIES.

The rest Of the week-Sunday.
MACHINES for catching cold-ice tongs.
| WHEN ships are on speaking terms,
they lie to.
WnHEIMJ has packed up his and is
going to Europe.
ARE not brewers sons OF malt-eh p
Quincy Modern ArgO.
"ApAM never had to beat carpet"
says an exchange. No, but he had to
beat retreat in the height OF the fruit
season.
WHEN O locomotive engineer runs
over his accounts, neither the coroner or
cow-catcher are called into requisition.
NeW York Ne,os.
That rock and rye was favorite tip
pie in the olden days we know from the
fact that David put little rock in his
sling.
FIREcRACKERs frightened the horse OF
a New Haven pie-peddlar, and caused it
to jump into thes The pies were lost,
owing to the crust being heavy.-Dan-
bury NeDs.
A YOUNG TURK: Governess-"H ow
dare you, Tommy? 1 shall tell your
mammal" Tommy-"Oh, I don't care
what mamma says; she's too young! -
London Punch.
LIFE is pack Of cards. ChildhoOd's
best cards are hearts; youth is captured
by diamonds; middle age is conquered
with club, while old age is raked in by
the Unsuitable spade.
A YOUNG lady wrote some verses for a
country paper about her birthday, and
headed them "May 30th." It almost
made her hair turn gray, when it ap-
peared in print, "My 30th."
COUNTRY doctor to O lately bereaved
widow: II cannot tell you how panied I
was to hear that your husband had gone
to heaven. We were bosom friends, but
now we shall never meet again"
IT is wonderful how the modest citizen,
who objects to seeing his name in the
paper, will want to whip the entire
establishment if it should happen to get
in print with one letter left out.
"THAr's what I call finished SER
mon," said lady to her husband, as
they wendell their way from church.
eyes," was the reply, "but, do you
know, I thought it never would be"
The little boy who comes to collect q
bill seems to put himself on par with
the most pompous of men, and insists
upon having his own way. 1t is the lit
tie tip on the end of the rod which says
to the lightning, as the boy says to the
debtor, "Come down !"
DETRoITERs are complaining of the
poor quality Of ice sold in that city.
They say it is worm-eaten, widowed.
and much of it warmed over from year
before last, and ten-cent chunk won't
last family Of six over two days. Why
don't they lynch the ice-dealers!-NO
ristO,on Herald.
The Latin term of cod-liver oil 10
"oleum jecoris aselli." A doctor pre-
scribed it for an old lady, the other day,
and, as usual, in his prescription, alb.
breviated the terms, ar. Ole. JAG. As. =,
or. ill.," A friend Of the old lady con-
graduated her upon her restoration to
health, when she said, eyes, it was that
beautiful medicine, the oil of Jackasa,
that brought me on my feet again"
A MAN committed suicide in his room
ut popular summer resort few days
ago. The provocation is not known. but
it is supposed that his wife was unex-
pectedly summoned home, and left her
husband behind to pack her trunk.
There are some things man can do as
well as woman, but packing wOman's
trunk is not one of them.--NOrristOtUn
Herald
KANSAS girls walk seven miles bare
footed to trade dozen eggs at country
store for q spool of thread. Nothing
stuck up about girls who are cut out for
No. / wives.-Free Press. No; there is
nothing in buying spool of thread to
make Kansas girl put on airs. But
when she purchases paper of pins she
soon gets "stuck up."-RichmOnd,
(Va.,) Baton.
UNDER the head of "Sensible Advice"
an agricultural journal prints an article
advising young men to buy farm.
there are thousands of young men in this
country who cannot raise money enough
to pay for the washing of two shirts per
week. If all such were to buy farm
they would soon be rich enough to buy
n seat in the Legislature. But perhaps
they never thought OF that.
Mrs. Goodington, laying down her
paper, "with no end of trained horses
and caramels, hypothenuses and other
bedizens Of the forest and jungle. How
we'll I remember the first time Daniel
took me to the circus. As We entered
the tainted inclosure, l said to him:
How terribly the wild animals growl,
don't they?' I was eenamost frightened
to death, till Daniel told me it was only
the vendoos of peanuts and prize pack
ages plying their rogation."
FROM an Ellenton Is. O. subscriber
we learn that the following occurrence
took place: A country doctor across the
river presented his account to patient
who had been quite i'll, but was now
well. The ex-patient listened attentive
ly to the account being read by the med
ical man as follows: For medicines, so
much; for visits, 30 much. Finally,
with AN air of generosity and candor, he
says: "Well, Doctor, have no money
now, but will pay you for the medicine
next fall. The visits I will try and re-
turn.-Augusta Me- Netos.
A CORRESPONDENT describing juven-
lie ball at Long Branch, says: 81 saw
young lady watching one Of the little
misses whose plump legs were covertd
with light blue silk stockings, with elab-
crate embroidery at the instep and q del
icate vine trailing over the ankles, and
there was unmistakable envy In the ex-
precision of her face as she said: 'Heigho,
I wish I was little girl again., The
truth was, you see, that she had on as
fine stockings as the youngster, but
could not show them" In regard to
which wesimply remark: Honi SOFT Qni
n'aiy aoense. Courier. .-.
Chow beautiful is the rain!" says
poet who ought to know better. Isn't
he aware that the rain always comes at
the wrong moment, just as you are stroll
ing on the beach with her, and have
about made up your mind to compare
your love for her to the multitudinous
sands of the never-ceasiDg wave-beats.
And there you are without an umbrella
or half dollar to invite her under the
protection of the ice-cream pavilion; and
there she is, enwrapped with the light,
airy and beautiful fnery that rain will
convert into bedraggleation. -NeU Ha-
zen Register.
A CERTAIN manufacturer OF Bradford
who had made composition with his
creditors was under cross-examination at
the Leeds assizes. "Now, sir" cried
Mr.. Bagwig ferociously, "attend to me.
We're you not in difficulties few months
agO?" "None." "What! sir? Attend
to my question. ask You again and
pray be careful in answering, for you
are on your oath, need hardly remind
you-were YOU not in difficulties some
months ago?". No, not as 1 knows Of. I"
"Sir, do you pretend to tell this court
that you did not make composition
with your creditors q few months ag0?"