The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1880-11-11


But If she's not handsome, 1t matters not-no
This bud of my bosom is pure as the snow.
When Dr. johnson courted Miss Porte
whom he married, he told her that he was c
mean extraction, that he had no money, an
that an uucle of his had been hanged. Mis-
p, by way of reducing herself to an equalit
with him, replied that she had no NOR
money than himself, and though none of he
relations had been hanged, she had fifty VIII
deserved hanging.
COOP GRAMMAR.-We advise every littl
grammarian just entering on the study to com
NIT to memory the following lines:
1. Three little words you often see
Are artcles-a, an ard the.
O. nouns the name of anything,
AS school. or garden, hoop or swing.
g. AdJectives tell that kind Of noun,
AS great, small, white or brown.
L. Instead of nouns the pronouns stand
Her head, his face, your arm, my hand
S. Verbs tell Of something to be done
To read, count sing, laugh, jump, run
6. How things are done the adverbs tell,
AS slowly quickly, Ill or well.
T. Conjunctions join the words together,
AS men and women, Ill or well.
8. The propositions stand before
noun, as Of or through q door.
9. The Intersections show surprise,
AS ali how pretty-oh how wise.
The whole are called nine parts of speech,
Which reading, writing, speaking teach.
The worst case of selfshness that has beer
presented to the public emanated from youth
who complained to his mother that she put 8
bigger mustard plaster on his younger brother
than she did on him.
A careful, old-fashioned man, few years
ago came to the town to sell some shares in q
bank. "Why do you wish to sell them," he
was asked, you cannot invest your money
better; the bank is well managed, the divi
dends are certain, and satisfactory" The
country man replied II know all that; the
bank seems to be well enough; but l don't
want stock in bank where the cashier keeps
a race horse and bets on races" We laughed
at the fears of the unsophisticated man, but
when the cashier defaulted soon afterwards,
the over-cautious old fogy did not hold any OF
the shares which went down twenty-five per
cent.
LEARN A TRADE.-I never look at my old
steel composing rule that | do not bless myself
that, while my strength lasts, am not at the
mercy of the world. Ifmy pen is not wanted,
can go back to the type case and be sure to
find work; for | learned the printers trade.
1t is a rock on which the possessor can stand
firmly. There is health and vigor for both
body and mind in an honest trade. 1t is the
strongest and surest part of the selfmade man.
Go from the school to the printing office or
the artisans bench; or, if you please to the
farm, for true farming is a trade and grand
one at that. Lay thus sure foundation, and
after that branch off into what ever profession
you please.-Horace Greeley.
GLOVES AT A FUNERAL-It is a custom in
some sections Of our country 70 present pair
of gloves to each of the bearers of the
corpse. Congo, a black man of fiddling noto-
riety, died. and all the negroes far and wide
were gathered together in order that he might
with due respect be gathered to his fathers.
"Ahi poor Congo" said one, who'll rosum
his bow, now"
''He no need any rosum now," said an
other; "he done fiddln' foreber and day.
YES" said a third, "he fiddle hung on de
shelf now-he no tune any more"
In such mournful and sentimental terms
they might be heard talking in groups and
squads until the procession was ready to move.
They had no hearse; the coffin was borne on
the shoulders of the men. A long procession
was formed, and the funeral proceeded with
all due solemnity, until suddenly it came into
the head of Pompey, one of the bearers, that
somehow or other he had been shamefully
in the article of gloves. To ascel-
tain whether the others had been overlooked
in the same way, he, Notwithstanding the So
lemnity of the occasion entered into the fol-
lowing inquiry:
Caesar, be you gotta gruv?"
mo, Pompey, l got no gruv."
"Sambo, be you got gruv?"
mo, Pomp, got no gruv"
Cato be you got any gruv?"
mo, fren, not sign bit O one"
"Cudjo, be you got gruv, too?"
mo, not morsel O one, Pomp."
Toby, be you got any gruv?"
mo, got none"
"Mungo, you got no gruv, too?"
mo, wat de debil you ak me for, you know
hain't."
Not one Of you got gruv?"
mol no mop angrily repeated all"
Nor l too" said Pompey so trow him
down and let him go himself"
At a word, the poor unconscious Congo
was throw down, not gently, and leftto get to
the grave as he could.
A landlord to his backward tenant went,
And said, tiny friend, mean to raise your rent
s'S1r, he replied, 'thats very kind in you;
For must own, it's more than can do