Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-07-16
F. U n


ABOUT TOOTH PBLLING.-An Oil City
man was standing IN front of a dentists
Office with an anxious. unhappy look In his
eyes and two yards of flannel around his
lower jaw. He cast sorrowful glances up
ward to the dentists sign, and III a hest
tating sort of way placed his foot on the
lower stair; then came out to the street
again as if he had forgotten something.
Colonel Scion came along at this moment,
and with a thoughtful interest in the
mans welfare said:
ssToothache, eh? Goin'to have it pulled?
No! Well, you'd better go right up afore
your courage fails you. Worst thing in
the world is pullin' tooth. I've been
through the war, had both lungs shot
away, fifteen bullets in my head, and doc
tors run probe through hole in my
shoulder right down my body to my toe
thought it would kill me. But, man alive,
I never knew what pain was till had
tooth pulled. Maybe you think the tooth
ache is horrible. It is, it's awful! But
wait till the dentist runs them air iron
tongs in your mouth, pulls the tooth right
down through your jawbone and then
yanks away as if he was pulling on an old
engine, and yell think the toothache amt
no more to be compared with it than d
fea-bite is to railroad accident. Y Ell
better go right up and have it out. Don't
let enybody say caused yer to back cut. L
merely wanted to prepare your mind feI
it. And don't yer take ether. Knew a
man once, about your complexion and
build, who took ether, and-died. It's dan
gerous Just go right up and have it out
Ill 60 up with yer and see how yer stand
it when he begins twistin' the ZONES
around. Yer won It sleep a wink tonight
if yer don It have it out; and maybe you
won anyhow, for sometimes the tooth
breaks the jaw, infammatory rheumatism
strike the what 's-its-name and the what
they-call it sets in.''
just at this moment young man prac
ticing on French horn in one Of the up
per rooms blew long ear-pier cling blast
like the yell of man in distress, and as
the sound echoed through the hall the Col
onel said: s'That's it; there is some one
getting tooth pulled now, and the dentist
has not any more than given the first
twist, either. Come right up and have
yours yanked. Whoop! there he goes
again - as another blast from the horn
came down the staircase. Hold on, hold
on" yelled the colonel-but he was not
quick enough to stop the man with the
aching tooth, who rushed out of the door
way and down the street so fast that his
two wards Of flannel became unwound and
streamed behind him like signal of dan
ger-while the villainous old colonel sat
down on the lower step and laughed till
his eyes ached.-OI City Derrick.
THE FIRST MAN WHO ATE CROW
The origin of the phrase ''eating crow is
appropriately revived in these convention
days. An old farmer on the Hudson, be-
low Albany, took summer boarders to exc
out the profits Of his farm products, how
ever, and often palmed on his boarders
ssstore" articles bought at low price. To
their murmurs he replied: II kin eat any
thing, l kin eat crow" This remark
was repeated so often that one of the guests
finally shot crow and got the cook o
prepare it for dinner. Fearful, however,
that the farmer might have stomach for
even such dish, the bird was literally
seasoned while cooking with Scotch snuff.
The farmer was rather taken back when
the dish was placed before him, but had
too much pluck to give in without trial
and attacked the bird. with the remark:"l
kin do it.'' AT the second bite he repeat
ed, II kin eat crow" and as he suddenly
suspended the operation of cutting the
third mouthful and began to retreat to-
ward the door, he added, shut dang me if
1 banker after iJ!''
A young lady surprised the gentleman
ly clerk'' at one of our dry goods stores by
offering him fifty cents in payment for
dollar purchase. cit amounts to a dollar,
if you please,'' said the clerk. II know it
does" was the answer, ''but papa is only
paying fifty cents on the dollar now"
Boyhood is candid, and midd]e-age,
though it may think the same things, is
reticent-"What part" asked Sunday
school teacher, 'sof the burial of Sir John
Moore do you like best?" He was
thoughtful moment then replied: ''Few
and short were the prayers we said."
ssPoor fellow! he died in poverty!'' said
a man of person lately deceased. sThat
isn't anything, ''exclaimed seedy bystan-
der. ssDying in, poverty is no hardship.
It's living in poverty that puts the thumb
screws on a fellow"
Said Jones: ssFred Grant won't have
80 soft thing as he has had.' II don't
know" replied Robinson; she'll have soft
thing as long as he keeps cool and doesn't
lose his head"
A case of domestic scandal was under
discussion at tea-table. "Well, let us
think the best Of her we can, said an ell
DERBY spinster, Eyes, said another, and
say the worst-that's the fashion,"
A family of young ladies who reside in
this city SO often entertain their company
on th. front stoop that they have gained
the title Of step-sisters.
evil YOU have some ofthe sweetbreadp,,