The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-02-26
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
GARBAGE wheels ne always tired
SATURDAY Is wash-day all over Rul

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
CARRIAGE wheels ne always tired.
SATURDAY Is wash-day all over Rus.
ola.
NINETEEN out of twenty in Vermont
call it apple "sass."
"WAroHr' said the secondhand,
"rI be around in q minute"
WOMEN are the funniest when they
say nothing; but women are so seldom
funny.
THERE has been no issue Of silver
five-cent and copper two-cent pieces
since 1872.
The harmless little weather-vane
never murmurs, although it is all the
time being bowed.
How FORTUNATE it is that we cannot
see our lives as well as our faces when
we gaze into the looking-glass.
To A pocket book-There's change
in all things else, save only and ex.
cepting thee.-Boston Transcript.
LADY ExAM1NER-Tell me what is an
average: Child-A thing to lay eggs
on. Mother says our old hen Ia ys six
eggs q week on an average.-LondoS
FMn.
Now THEY are going to put up the
price of writing paper. Next thing the
Government will be increasing the
price of three-cent stamps.-Baltinore
NesDs.
ABOUT five hundred postal orders
per day were sent from this country to
Europe last year-indications of the
amount of direct trade that is carried
on in small way.
A LAPLANDER does not have to 20
into mourning when mis- wife dies. He
can marry while the body is in the
house and have second wife to ride to
the grave with him.
The Island of Alton and Cape Prince
of Wales, in Alaska, are the extreme
western points of land in the United
States, being as far west from San
Francisco aS Portland, Me-, is east.
WHAT part of a wheel makes the most
noisep Why, the spokes, man, of
course.-Detroit Free Press. No, the
hub, bub.-Boston Post. Hold on, fell
loes, you must be tired. Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
KRUPP has invented q needle gun
warranted to kill two hundred men per
minute. Krupp will be honored with q
| brass-mounted monument if he succeeds
! in dying before the close of civilization.
| -M O. Picayune.
"MoRE sumptuary luxury and refine
ment" (whatever this may beg is said
by the London Whitehall ReviesU to char.
acterize the ladies who walk by the
Continental Hotel in Philadelphia than
can be seen in any other city of the
American Union"
| BERTHA" Mamma, Johnny is awful
ly naughty. He's been banging my
new dolly with all his might against
the Aoorr' johnny" Pooh! 1 seen
her bang it herself t other day." Bertha
Well, what o. that? Amt it my dol
lyr-Boston TRANSCRIPT.
A PROUD man who failed In business,
and found his assets would pay only fif.
teen cents on the dollar, insisted, for
the looks of the thing, on paying
twenty-five cents, even If he had to
make up the difference out of his own
pocket.-N. o. Rcayuae.
|
calling a chrysanthemum q daisy.
Burns poem is forgotten. and the Ia
dies almost insist on the substitution of
the brown-centered, white-petaled field
flower, for the prim little garden bios
som with its delicate blush.
WHY am l made sandwich" said
young Snobson, plaintively, as lady sat
down either side of him in the horse
car. because we are better bred than
you are" said one of the damsels,
sweetly, and Snobson mustard courage
to squeeze out to the platform.-Bosto's
Commercial Bulletin.
How unreasonable some girls arel
Felicia asked her brother to buy the
Popular Science Monthly for her, be-
cause it had an article on ''Ancient
Modes OF Flirtation;" then, when he
brought it home, she said it was hOrrid
and mean because it turned out to be
on 'Ancient Methods of Fit ration"
| A sAD-LOOKING man went into Bur-
lington drug store. "Can you give
me-" he asked, "something that will
drive from my mind the thoughts Of
sorrow and bitter recollections?'f And
the druggist nodded and put him up a
little dose of quinine, and NORWOOD,
and rhubarb, and epson salts, and a
dash of castor oil, and gave it to him,
and for six months the man couldn't
think of anything in the world except
new schemes for getting the taste out
of his mouth. Darlington HaUkeye.
AN orphaned heiress at Searsport,
Me-, had a scapegrace for a lover and
two watchful uncles for guardians.
She desired to marry, but the uncles
would not give their consent; and she
would lose her fortune by disregarding
them. A message arrived by telegraph
from London for the lover one day,
saying that he had fallen heir to great
wealth. The news soon reached the
uncles, and they did not learn until the
wedding had taken place, with their
consent, that the young folks had de-
ceived them with false report.
"EMMA," said bondholder, whose
purse held more than his head, cit is
time for you to marry. Your mother
and l have chosen neighbor Grun's
son, and the affair progresses favor
ably" "But don't love him; don Z
respect him, and I won't marry him, -
cried Emma. "What bosh." answered
the enraged parent. 80 you. too,
have got hold of those new notions:
just look at your mother and me. Did
we ever respect each other. should
like to know-did we ever love each
other? And yet we've lived together
for fifty years and I'm worth q mill
iOn."
FACTS AND FIGURES.