, 1880-08-23
Wit and HumOr.

The heavy man of the United States
is General Ordnance.-I Albany Argus.
The st. Paul Pioneer Press speaks of
a Mr.. Legg who has lost the end of his
thumb.
What is home without dog P Yon-
kers Gazette. A paradise for CATS
Oil City Derrick.
The rural districts need not be re-
minded that the city burgular is on his
Summer vacation.
Saratoga is the only place where, &C
cording to DR.. Cuyler, the more man
drinks the more sober he feels.
"Never mistake perspiration for in
spiration," said an old minister to a
young pastor just being ordained.
MORE JoKEs.-A new song is entitled
3" Grandfather's Pants" Is it dedi-
Gated to Schultz ?-[ Boston Score.
The -taker has evolved the
tee total ignorance of many women as
to the business of their husbands.
It is the duty, says the Nycum Ad-
rertiser, Of every man who truly loves
his country to discover gold mine.
American girls are admired abroad
whenever they show themselves. The
Herald says "they are the worlds
fair"
The New York World pays Ave dol
lars per verse for all original poetry it
publishes. Its proprietors are million
aires.
A drink in the morning for appetite.
A dozen drinks, later in the day, are
for another, 'appy tight New Orleans
Picayune.
The British Medical Journal says
that garlic will cure more ills and all
ments than any five drugs which can
be named.
Because Mr.. Edison is always found
in his shirt sleeves, the Oil City Der
rick presumes the rest of his garments
is in the wash.
"An experienced cutter is adverti-
sed for in the New York World. They
doubtless want him to bobtail para
graphs for their humorous column.
A Georgia woman told census man
that she was "not quite forty" and
subsequently stated that she had
buried four husbands and had Just
married tie fifth.
Is there anything more delicious
| than baked clam ?-[Ex. We can't
think of anything just now. unless it
| be a piece of sole leather fried in
oleomargarine.-LNorr. Herald.
"What beautiful sight !" exclaimed
Mrs. Jones, rapturously, as she looked
out over the beautiful scenery from a
! Pennsylvania railroad car. Yes, re-
piled Jones, without raising his eyes
from his paper, anthracite"
Breaking an awkward silence. Mrs.
Montague Smart (suddenly, to bash
full youth, who has not opened his lips
since he was introduced to her a quar-
ter of an hour ago)- And now let US
talk of something else p Punch.
The owner of pair of bright eyes
says that the prettiest compliment she
ever received came from child of four
years. The little fellow, after looking
intently at her eyes moment, inquired
naively: Are your eyes new
ones?"
Professor" Miss c., give me an
example of true conclusion drawn
from two false premises.
Miss c." Logic is an easy study;
that's false. I don't like easy studies;
that's false. / don't like logic; that 8
true" Glass is dismissed.
Pedestrian (who has dropped dime
in front of "the blind "-"Why, you
confounded humbug, you're not
blind p
Beggar-" Not I, sir. If the card
says am, they must have given me the
wrong one. I'm deaf and dumb"
! Six-year old" Ma, what's mellow o.
/ Mother" Ripe"
| Six-year old" Then is pa ripe9"
Mother" Why do you ask ~
Six-year old" Cause the cook said
to the chambermaid that pa came home
rather mellow last night.
I An Oxford student, being examined
in sacred history, was asked, " Who
was the first King of the Jews?" At q
venture he replied, "Saul;" then, en-.
couraged by the assent of tie exam.
liner, completed the answer as follows
/ "Saul of Tarsus, sometimes called
J Paul"
An old Judge of the New York Su
preme Court meeting friend in 6
neighboring village, exclaimed: "Why
what are you doing here ?" II am al
> work trying to make an honest living,
was the reply. ''Then you'll succeed
said the Judge, "for yoau have ne
competition"
.. Wouldn't you like to have q bow p
said the bold young archer, as they
,. sauntered down the field; and she mur
INJURED, "Yes," and the absorbed
archer said, What kind of a bow
vOuld Won prefer ?" Sho nnivarad G