The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A place where duty cals-The custom house
How 10 save timc-Let your watch run down
Beats awl--The patent shoestitchng machine
Notwithstanding the late cold snap, the ic,
crop for 1881 is not yet damaged by frost.
A man stole an umbrella from one of our mcr
chant. recently but offered TO return it. tn,
merchant became indignant aud said he ddn'
Keep that kind of umbrellas.
coal train on the Burlington road ran over
three BOYS the other day without nluring them
vhey were sitting under the bridge fishing.
WHISKY makes a man lose his balance both at
the bank and on the idcwalk.-SEJ@uSS Times
trough Of the sea won't do to feed pigs in,
rat is said to be good place for learned pigs,
fiat is, taut 'oss.
Right in the middle Of this important canvass
women are unpatrotic enough to insist that a
man shall stop and leave the country unsaycd to
mt up a stove in the sitting room.
Has it occurred to base ball clubs that Il milk
sitchcr is generally good ny-catchcr?
A sailboat upset on Lake Huron II few days
sgo and the first person saved was drcssinakcr.
Survival of the htst, as usual.
Was it an Ottawa young housckeepcr that set
cake she had baked for picnic out Of doors the
sther night TO have it frosted?
The Custom. House officers in New York care.
tally inspect the inside of ilshng rods. Sarah
Bernhard can't slip into the country in that
fashion
"You can't play that on me-" said the piano
IN thu IN " IN brpkr dawn IN "A iii iiruIl
piece of music.-N. 7. Ne,rS.
An editors attention being called to mistake
in his paper by printing busy bodies for busy
ladies'" was mean enough to say the error was
TOO slight to need correction
A western plumber takes half column Of his
local newspaper to advertise Cast Iron Sinks"
But, great Scott! who ever said it didn't.
Dsnbury man was approached by canyasser
who wanted to sell him cycopgdia; but, &C
cording to the .NcCs, he declined to buy because
he WAS sure that he could never learn to ride one
man lcapcd from Il thirdstory window, in
Philadelphia, to escape from his infuriated wife
His leg was broken; but that was nothing, he
said, to what he would have suffered II he hadn't
Jumped
Miss Anthony saw the mysterious figures ''329'
il many places on the Rochester sidewalks. "Its
no such thing" she said, clenching her hands;
land it won't be either, till my next birthday"
She read all the books of science
Her fingers were covered with ink
She hootcd ut marriage alliance
She talked OF the missing link.
She quoted Swans and preachers
OF greater and less rcnown--
PlatOnlc in all her features
She got mashed on circus clown.
hotel is to be built at Quebec over the place
where Montgomery charged-and the charges in
The future there will probably be long ways
ahead OF Montgomery s.-BoSton Commercial Bal.
R,n.
The Cologne cathedral, which was G32
years in building, having been finally completed,
vas dedicated last week. Owing to circum
stances presumably beyond his control, the orig
inal architect was not present,
"Can you tell me where to buy a white shirtr
said gawky fellow to man at Lexington, Ga.
The information was given, and the inquirer
Who was accompanied by blushing girl-sad
TO the merchant while buying the shirt: "Can
you tell me where 10 get a marriage license ~
Or the license clerk he asked who's the best
minister to tie the knot% Thus the couple eau
aously proceeded toward matrimony
When old Garfield is elected,
In your mind in your mind;
Wen have spoils that we expected,
In your mind, liz your mind;
Good fat jobs and contracts sure,
Like De Golyer and Mobicr
We can count on them, that's clear,
In your mind. in your mind;
For well count him in this year
In your mind.
Down in Maine Wen fix the figures.
In your mind, in your mind;
We are iirstclass thmbe-riggers,
In your mind, In your mind;
We need only give our sign,
Which we call '329;"
But OF fraud we've no design,
In your mind, in your mind;
Ola Zach didn't think il crime
In your mind.-,Sun
tanner dog has been introduced to the Brit
nh puohc. His master, who lives III DevOnshirc
bit home few weeks on series of visits 10 his
friends IN distant part OF the country A few
Gays after his departure his servant wrote to him
That fayorite Skye terrier WAS missing. Tn,
household, after every search had proven fruit
less considered that the dog had been stolen On
The proprictors return, after an absence Of one
month and five days, he unlocked the library.
The doors and windows Of which had been bolted
and bsrrcd during his absence, and TO his aston.
Enment the missing dog crept out into the light,
sAvlng skeleton aud totally blind lie wa. well
cared for, aud has now quite recovered his health
and sight lie had had no food and no water
and had not gnawed the books or obtained sub
stance from any source whatever
FUNNY MR.. BROWN
The fanniest man in all the town
lie t"cught himself, did Mr.. Brown.
while at the club one night he saw
new silk hat upon the floor,
And Winking at the crowd so click
lie gave the hat gentle kick.
AID ;hen another, just TO show
That wit from empty heads can flow.
Al cannht The hrrno. II IL. l.