Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1880-11-11
HUMOROUS.

A woman's belt il always waist fu!l.
A grave error-Burying a man alive.
No matter how old crowbar may BE-.
IL remains a. pry as ever.
The BARRIERS apprentice Is usuallya
strapping fellow.
Put your head in the cold and you
shall be rewarded by having a cod in
your head.
All reports 10 the contrary, the ice
crop for 1881 has not yet been damaged
by frost.
Dressmakcrs who know their business
never make bulls; they do all the goring
themselves.
"Ah," said deaf man, who had
scolding wife, man wants but little
hear belowm
A man is "A perfect brick" when lie
shows himself all the better for being
hard-pressed.
Shell pink is a fashionable color. Tae
husband oftle lady who wears the pink
usually does the shelling.
The principal resemblance between
man who stops a team ON the crosswa.k
of a crowded street and half barre. Of
-four is that both make about hundred
wait
The difference" said the cook. "Je
tween a child of royal birth and a young
lamb is that the first is tended in spen.
dor and the other is splendid n tender"
-PetroLeWm World.
The papers make great bother abou,
the number OF people who es sape ata
railroad accident. Wouldn't they have
escaped just the same had there been no
standardization Transcript.
Bjornsen. the Norwegian novelist and
poet, hjas arrived lin this ciountry.
creating quite ain excitement lin liter
airy Circles, ajnd Us anxious ito inject
Wilhelmji, bjingo.- oil City Derrtck
A Cincinnati man had his portal.
painted in Paris. His friends com
piained TO him that it was much too old
That's what ] ordered" said he. 1T
will save the expense OF another one
ten years from now"
A great punster was asked one even
ing in company, tn make an extempore
pun. Upon what subject" he in:
quired. One of the party answered:
u" The queen" "Oh, sir. "he replied.
"the queen is no subject"
When spelling is reformed" she'll write.
" I'm sailing on the oshun,
The sc is hi, no sale in site,
IL flz me with emoshun."
But one "spell" will not change its name.
For she'll be se-sick just the ssiIni
The women are always looking under
the bed for n man. No ever thought
OF looking for a woman under such cir
cumstances. He always scans the mirror
when he is in search OF the female
Bloomington Eye.
We are not very observing, but We
have noticed that the first thing anv
woman does on alighting from a car
riage is to carefully put her right hand
in conjunction with her back hair. Just
to see If it's all right.
An American lawyer is now attorney
general of the Sandwich Islands. II in
two years he doesn't own the entire
country and hold the kings note for
large sum he is no credit TO the Amer.
can bar. PHILADELPHIA Chronicle.
People say they shell peas when they
unshell them; husk corn when they un-
husk it; dust furniture when they un-
dust it; skin a calf when they unskin it;
Gale fishes when they unscale them;
weed their gardens when they unweed
them.
The governor of a well-known prison
extolled the liberal diet of the copvicts
under his care in the following manner
They have not only thirty per cent. of
azoted matter. twenty-seven of albumen.
eighteen of gelatin. fifteen of ibrine.
and seven of phosphaees. but alto ten
cubic yards of air n day-upward of
300 gallons-a regular orgie."