Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-03-24
FUNNYGRAPHS,

lime out OF mlnd-Forgetting to wind
up your watch.
On New York sign: Instructions
given here on according and guitarres."
JUG not, that ye be not jagged, as the
judge remarked to the bibulous vagrant.
WHEN dogs die do they go to the
happy land of canine y Wheelin0
Leader.
Now they say the real grievance of
the Cincinnati people against Theodore
Thomas is that he would not beat time
with ham.
VERMONT mans nother-in-law was
KILLED by the cars and he got 500, 900
from the railroad company. It never
rains but it pours.
HE fact is becoming more apparent
every day that this world was not made
for any particular reason, but simply for
the benefit of a few people who are
mighty particular Waterloo Observer.
GLADSTONE tells Europe that the
ploughshare must take the place of the
sword. How Like fury fellow would
look trotting about with ploughshare
hanging from his belt--Bostoa1 Post.
RHODE ISLAND is the only state in
which dog tax was ever successfully
collected. Three constables surrounded
the state and held the dogs in while they
could be counted--Detgoit Free Press.
"JAaEs''-Yours received. It is
called a drop curtain, because when it
goes down the boys go out for drop of
something, custom handed down from
the days of Shakespeare. Narration In
dependent.
A DENVER paper tells of two men who
bet each S. that his boy could Jump
higher than the others, and the man
who, without warning the lad, dropped
| a hornet down his sons back when the
word was given, won the bet.
LOVE laughs at locksmiths. Mistress
-"Cook, it's very strange, but always
fancy can hear subdued conversation
in the kitchen OF Susan's night out. -
Cook" Oh, dear me, mem, beggin'
your parding, men; which it's me a.
reading the Pilgrims Progress to my
self aloud, men,"
SO MoTHEn! may go play fifteen. p"
"No, no, my dearest daughter;
It's the biggest fraud that ever seen.
Go draw the washing water!o 20
-Neso Hauen Register.
'But just minute mother dear
-.. I've almost solved. the puzzle"
''No, not second you silly child,
Go long, or PG buy 1nuzzle."
-1Neag York Express.
MANvILLE Ito his widowed friend
Chasuble, who has views ON art(-'' Is
it true that you've broken off with Sir
Henry's daughterY' Chasuble-" Alas,
yes; was forced to, although she is
charming woman" ManviIle-ss Why?"
Chasuble--" Incompatibility of complex
ion. She does not suit my furniture
Los ANGELES announces the death of
one of it's citizens at the age of 100
years. That's the way we like to see the
thing done. Why say 104 or 100, as so
many OF the eastern papers do? 1t is
just as easy to say $50, and it sounds
more tropical. Our sun-bathed regions
should be able to outie the frozen east.
Alta California.
"YoU remember said the sad pas
senger, the good brother in Greens
burg, Indiana, who was suddenly called
on to lead in prayer at some meeting and
opened his petition by saying: sUnac-
customed as we are to public speaking,
o Lord, and being entirely unprepared,
we will still endeavor to make
few rambling remarks" Burlington
HaaOkeye.
THERE is one boy in this city whose
bosom is filed with pure and calm de-
light. For some ofense his father took
his sled away from him in the early part
of the winter with the promise that he
should not have it again until another
season, and the boy confidently remarked
to friend that &c this warm weather was
| 4bo 1,oof ,Irr IN, tho old NOR, bo bod ov7o,
heard of. '-Rochester Democrat.
A CERTAIN painter was Dragging of his
wonderful command of color to a friend
one day. His friend did not seem to
take it quite all In. "Why," exclaimed
the painter, edo you know that there are
but three painters in the world, sir, who
understand color?" ''And who are
they?" at last asked the friend. "Why,
sir, am one, and-and- and-and-I
forget the names of the other two!''
A LADY in Sangamon county sends in
communication beginning: " Do you
not often look back into the dim vista of
by-gone years with feeling Of regret at
wasted opportunities That causes tug
cling at the heart-strings ?" You're
talkingi About once a week we take
look into the old vista as far back as 1876,
when the White Stockings won The
championship, and think of the games
that we let go by without betting cent.
0, memory, memory! Bitter indeed is
thy Chicago Tribune.
Two gushing Boston girls were walk
ing one day in the suburbs of the Hub,
when they stumbled on little old-fash-
Toned milestone, forgotten in the march
of improvement. One of them stopped,
and, parting the grass, discovered the
half-effaced inscription. 81. m. from
Boston" upon which she exclaimed
ecstatically, "Here is grave, perhaps
of some young girl, who wished it writ
ten ON her tombstone, I'm from Bos-
ton How touching so simple, and so
| sufficient"
A LITTLE girl in this city is just re-
covering from severe attack OF scarlet
fever, and during her sickness her
| hove hoon vp,-u