The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-09-30
THE PHILOSOPHERS BABY.

THE PHILOSOPHERS BABY.
had been considering for about a
year whether I should marry Winifred
Hanway, when heard that she was en-
gagged TO the philosopher. Why did she
accept him? IL is true that he is both
imaginative and critical, but faculties ex-
ercised in the formation of psychological
hypothesis and the laborious destruction
OF those Of ones neighbor do not usually
beautiful girl, who is more fit tolive than
10 think about life He is certainly hand
some, but as certainly his clothes are
barbarous. His trousers can not keep
their shape for day, and his hats are
never new. II he notices the rain, he
opens an umbrella which might have
served M an Intellectual protection at the
time Of the deluge; if he finds out that
1t IL cold, he assumes q garment which
might have been the everyday coat of
Methuselah. His manners are as strange
as his appearance. He may be seen
walking in the park at the fashionable
hour with . fsr-of look in his eyes and
his hat thrust back as il to lessen the
external pressure on his active brain
more rarely you may hear him bursting
into enthusiasm in Piccadilly, though
Piccadilly is the last place in which
man should allow himself to be enthu-
siastic. In short, though he is true
friend, he Is an uncomfortable acquaint-
ance and his volcanic utterances, after
long periods Of calm contemplation,
cause such shocks to ones nerves as
would be conveyed to the Sunday citizen
by the eruption of Primrose Hill. But
il il was odd that the beautiful Winifred
Hanway should marry my friend, it was
yet more odd that he should marry any
one. There were no topics more certain
to excite nm explosion in the philosopher
than the excessive population of the
country, and the wholesome solitude Of
The Thinker. How, he would fiercely
nsk, "can man think effectually ON
fundamental subjects, who is compelled
by the despicable circumstances Of his
life to exhaust his analytical faculty In
considering how to pay his butcher and
when to buy his GOALS? / tell you, sir,
it's better 10 starve with cold and hunger
than to debase ones noblest part to q
game Of skill with q grasping grocer"
Again and again have heard him de-
claim in this preposterous fashion and
after all, he was going TO the altar like
any other victim, and would doubtless
take house upon his back with the do
cility Of n snail.
1 could NOT solve the problem /
would not give it up. so, full of the de-
termination 10 drag Diogenes out Of his
tub and the secret ont Of Diogenes, I
stepped round the corner to offer my
congratulations My friend was IN his
aff1Ip anna ,rr,k,,nx rocIl., -. =,
quill pen. He rose at me with rush,
vrung my hand till it ached, and blushed
rather uncomfortably. Congratulations
are the curse of the Briton. Whether
he is offering them or receiving them, he
is generally obliged to take refuge in in
termittent handshaking, and most of his
sentences fall off into grunts and groans.
But on this occasion it was evident that
the philosopher had something ready to
say, and was nervously anxious to say it.
Indeed, 1 had hardly said more than
My dear fellow, / don't know when
1 am really SO glad,
1t is every way so, such a satisfactt ry,
yuu know / really do wish all
possible, and all that sort of thing, you
know when he burst in with speech
so fluently delivered, that L knew was
uOb Ills tdTlltbb NlSltOT tDiib I1OTuluk.
"Of Co ~se it's taken you by surprise, y
he said, as knew it would but the
truth is that have been thinking of it
for n long time, and 1 am sure I am
right" Here / tried to get in an express
sion Of wonder at his new notion of duty,
but he was bent ON being rid of the mat
ter, and hurried on to his reasons "In
the first place, said he, 1T am sure that,
instead of increasing my domestic wor-
ries, my marriage will transfer them in a
body to my wife and, secondly, when
consider the vast number of fools who
are every day born into the world, am
terrified by the picture of what the next
generation will be if the thinkers of this
are to be without successors"
Having discharged his reasons in this
wise, the orator stood blinking at me as
If he feared dissent, but / was too as.
founded by his magnificent audacity tc
reply. Slowly n look Of peace stole back
into his face, pleasant light dawned in
his eyes, and the promise of a smile
played at the corner of his mouth. His
remarkable fluency was gone, and indeed
his voice sounded quite choky when he
said, Johnny, you don't know what ar
angel she is.
A light broke in upon me. "Philoso
pher, / said, "I believe you are going
to be married because you fell in lover
Perhaps you are right" said the
philosopher.
After the wedding the philosopher and
his wife went abroad for an indefinite
period, and their friends heard but little
Of them. He wrote to nobody, and she
did not write TO me. Yet there were oc
casional rrimors Now they were breath
ing the keen air Of the Engadine; nov
sinking to the chestnuts and vines o.
Chiaveuna; now he was lashing himsel
TO frenzy over the treasures Of Rome
now she was gazing with sweet northern
eyes across the glowing splendor Of th,
bay of Naples. Then they were in Ger
many, and about to settle for life in
university town, but anon had fled from
1t In haste, after long nights dispute
in the course Of which my learned frient
had well-nigh come TO blows with thu
university's most celebrated professor.
At last heard that they were again il
London and, full Of enthusiasm, dartet
round the corner TO welcome them home
Nobody was with them but Mrs. Han
way, Winifreds mother. would entel
unannounced, and surprise the philoso