Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-07-09


ion of him, though as rough, was also
as hard and solid. as their hands.
As for Aunt Holofernes, the more she
gazed at her future sonin-law, the more
she disllEed his looks. In spite OF his
thick hair her keen eyes detected upon
his Uranium certain protuberances that
are not to be seen upon the heads of
saints. and she remember with dread
those terrible words that she had hurled
at Ler daughter that memorable day
when she burned her foot with the
boiling lye.
At length the wedding-day arrived.
Aunt Holofcrnes had made cakes and
retl ,ctions i the first sweet and the last
bitter; she hal provided an ola podrida
for dinner and a harmful project for
supper; and she had prepared a barrel
of wine that was very mellow and gen
erous, anl plan of conduct that was
very far from being entitled to those
epithets.
! Wien the newly married couple were
about to retire to tho nuptial- chamber,
Aunt Holufernes called her daughter
aside aud whispered these words in her
ear:
"As soon as you get in your room
fasten all the doors and windows, and
close every aperture except the key
hole. Then take branch of blessed
olive and wave IL over your husband.
This ceremony Is customary in we'd
dings, and signifies that within the
house the man is to be in subsection to
the Woman."
Panfiia, obodient for the first time in
her life. promised to do all that her
mother commanded.
When the bridegroom saw the branch
Of olive in the hand of the bride, he
uttered shrek of terror, glanced wild
ly around in search of some place of
exit, and then made q frantic dive
through the key hole; for, be it known
that the husband of Panfila was, as
Aunt Holofernes had suspected, the
devil in person. That sable individual
is accredited by fame with a great deal
of knowledge, but he learned to his cost
that his mother-in-law knew far more
than he Just as he was congratulate
ing himself on having made his escape,
he found himself a close prisoner in a
bottle, the mouth of which the old
woman had applied to the key-hole. In
tones most humble and gestures most
pathetic, he entreated her to set him at
liberty; but she resolutely refused.
Hobbling up "a neighboring mountain,
she deposited the bottle upon the sum
nit, shook her withered fist affection
ately in her son-in-law's face, and re-
turned home rejoicing.
On the summit of that mountain his
Satanic Majesty remained ten years.
During that time the earth was as tran
quill as pool of oil. Every at
tended to his own business instead of
his neighbours; robbery came to be a
word without Specification; weapons
moldered, gunpowder was consumed
only in artificial fires, the prisons were
empty; i'll fact, during this decade, only
one deplorable event hsppened-the
lawyers all died of starvation!
But, alas! this happy period could
not last forever. Everything in this
world has to have an end except the
discusses of some eloquent orators
The end of this enviable decade was
brought about in the following manner:
A certain soldier had obtained per-
mission to visit his home which was in
the same town in which the events we
are narrating TRANSFERRED. The road
that he took wound around the base of
the lofty mountain upon whose summit
the husband of Panfila was imprisoned.
| Reaching the foot of the mountain the
soldier determined to cross it instead of
going around it. On arriving at the
summit he beheld the bottle in which
the soh-in-law of Aunt Holofarnes had
for the last ten years dragged out a
horrible existence, cursing all mothers
ln-law past, present, and future, and
composing and reciting satires against
the invention of cleansing linen with
lye. The soldier picked up the bottle,
held it up in the light, and perceived
the devil who, with the lapse of years,
fasting, the hot rays of the sun, and in.
tense mental suffering, had become as
withered as dried plum.
:" What monstrosity is this ?" he ex-
claimed, in wonder.
am that honorable and much
abused parsonage whom men call the
devil" humbly and courteously replied
the captive. My wicked motAer-in.
law--oh that had her now in my claws
has kept nae imprisoned hero for ter
years. Set me free, valiant warrior, and
will grant you any favor you may ask
of me-"
" L wish an honorable discharge from
the army" said the soldier.
"You shall have it. Let me out now
as speedily as possible. for it is mon
strous shame to keep SHUT up. in this
revolutionary time, the foremost revo-
lutionist in the world"
The soldier half uncorked the bottle
From the opening thus made, came 9
mephitic vapor which almost sutfocated
him. He sneezed violently, and with
the palm of his hand gave the cork q
blow which submerged it so deeply
that the bottom of it struck the head OF
the devil, causing him to give utterancs
to cry of pain.
What are you doing, you vile earth
worm ?" he exclaimed. Let me out
as you promised!
8" Hold bit!" said the soldier. "
think the service you ask of me is worth
larger reward than you have offered
| | m a. - l.,