Litchfield enquirer., 1880-04-08
CLIPPINGS.

| C446 f4Ndo.
 Ships are frequently on speaking terms, and they lie to.
 Could not the doctors fee be justly called i'll gotten gains?
 Women resemble flowers. They shut up when they sleep.
 The vail of Miss Raymond's baby: Thus far, and no father.
 The Keely revival makes the chances of suc- cess re-motor than ever.
 William Blacks new novel is called "Sun- rise." It must be Aurora. -F
 They would name the baby elephant P. T. Barnum, but they want to make good, truth ful elephant of him. The game of Smith was saved, as Prentice Multord says, by Pocahontas trumping her fathers club with soft heart.
 Fish-worms are beginning to chin the sur face of the earth and look around for boys with spades and an old oyster-can. Why should not the California bonanza queen who has bought an Italian title be henceforth known as the Marchioness of l Mackay -roni?
 "Mumph !" said a young gentleman, at play with young lady, T could play the lover better than that myself" ''I would like to see you try, was the naive reply.
 A Sunday school scholar was requested to learn Matthew xv., XIII. and XIV" when he | astounded the teacher by jumping up with the l exclamation: Cant be done: 'taint in the blocks :"
 Cornell university is to have a class in rOek rlollo aba ,l bottle of gum arabic have already been pur- chased. The scheme certainly promises we'll.
 ''She never told her love"-because her young man, anticipating something of the kind, hasn't called to see her since leap year opened.
 At an examination for admission to the bar the question was asked: "What is the rule in Shelley'S caSeP' One of the class answered: ''The rule in Shelley'sca is the same as in any other mans case. The law is no respec- ter of persons"
 The New York Graphic tells this story An snterprising American shipped some wheel barrows to Rio de Janeiro, and the natives filled them with stones and carried them on their heads. They said it was capital con- trivance, and wondered how they had man. aged to get along so many years without it.
 A professor was explaining, iI young ladies school in France, the theory according to which the body is entirely renewed every | seven years. "Thus, Mile F." said he, addressing pretty blonde with wide-awake face, lin seven years you will be no longer Mile. F." "I hope not," replied the un- sophisticated, casting dswn her eyes
 man in sleeping car made great grooming with his nose, when asleep, and the man in the next berth Tn the interest of peace and quiet, got up and kicked the offender, and it took four hours for the conductor to get the car quiet again, and the man who took SO much trouble for the sake of quiet, made an enemy Of every passenger on board.
 "Is Mr. Hubbel in ?" asked Mir Cook of his old friends wife, on whom he called after they returned from a short residence in France. No, Mr. Hu6-bel is not in," she replied with evident pique, ''but Mr.. HOo-beIe is in" 70, very well :" rejoined the caller i; ''please tell MT. Hoo-6ele that Mir. Coo-kOok would like to see him."
 It queer how folks dream. The other night, man dreamed he stood at the gate of heaven and asked St. Peter if the souls of the rich ever got in there. "Yes was the reply 'lt is supposed that the souls of great many rich people have got in here. Many of them
 
 any way to keep them out"
 These days no one is safe from the charge of plagiarism. Brown went to church last Sunday-a thing unusual-and upon being asked his opinion of the clergyman, said, "Oh his sermon was very good but that prayer, beginning with Our Father, 1 think he stole entire. know l have heard something some- where that it was strangely like"
 A four-year-old Sunday school girl did the best she could with question that was asked of the infant class. Said the teacher, reading "'And it came to pass, when King Hezekiah heardit, that he rent his clothes Now, what does that mean, chldren-he rent his clothes?" Up went a little hand. "Well if you know, ( tell us." "Please, ma'am," said the child, timidly, Il s'pose he hired 'em out.
 Tennyson claims to be great poet and yet he may fret and study and tear about for week and then can't yank an ode to a saw mill, while the Sweet Singer of Michigan only gave two minutes to whacking up one begin ming: "All hail to thee most terrible invention Which chews up trees to any wished dmen- sion, And when something distracts a mans attention. Will break him up so that a Gov'ment pension Won't do him any good. Oh fierce devourer thou, of man and wood"
 It must have been tremendously embarrass- ing to that nice young man in Bowling Green, Ky, who escorted the preachers daughter to a meeting and arrived late, to hear the rever- end gentlemen read from the Bible as the couple marched up the aisle, ''Mv daughter is grievously tormented with devil," which verse occurred in an account of New Testa- ment miracle of which the preacher was read ing The whole congregation snickered, and It would be hard to tell which felt worse, the preacher, his daughter or her escort.
 STAGE BLUNDERs. .-Macready was once vic timized in ''Virginius. The NumitOrius couldn't remember his own name "You will remember it, Sir" said the tragedian, carefully pronouncing it for him, 'by the association of ideas. Think of Numbers, the Book of Num- bers." The Nwnsttorists did think of it all day, and at night produced, through ''the associa- tion of ideas, "the following effect
 NumitOrius- is VirginiG? Where fore do you hold that maiden's hand?
 CEaudiWs-Who asks the question:
 NumitOrius-I! ! her deuteronomy
 A church organist living near Kieff, in Rus sia. confessed on his death bed that Le mur- desed farmer twenty years ago with the priests pistol which he stole. After the hor- rible deed he put the pistol in the sacristy, confessed to the priest 80 as to preclude the the latter from giving evidence against hlm without infringing the obligation of secrecy, and then went and denounced the priest as the culprit. The priest, who vainly protested his innocence, was sentenced to hard labor for life, and, when his liberation was applied for on the strength of the organlsts death bed confession the reply was that he had died a few months ago. .....
 AN OLD DooToR's ADVICE was this: