The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-01-13
JOHNS MISTAKE.


parlor CRATE, "here's go as sure as
shootin'l The ol' woman has gone and
invited her minister to dinner, and I'm
to entertain him when he comes while
she dishes up the hash May old Nick
fly away with the preachers ~ And
Sanscript kicked the cat through the
doorway with such force that the poor
creature dislocated two teeth by concus-
sion with the wainscoting on the opposite
side of the hall. Puss skunk away lick
ing her bleeding chops wondering
whether the house had fallen on any
body else, while Sanscript banged the
chairs, and continued his soliloquy
"Now, aint used to preachers, and no
doubt I'll make a muss of 1t. I'd sooner
trim the corns on the hind feet of mule
or comb the name of Uncle John Robin
sons boss lion, than entertain a minis
teri What will the old dufIer want to
talk about, wonder. If he slings any
Bible conundrums at me I'm lost.
never did take much stock in the Bible.
don't hold very strong hand in relig-
ious learning, and preachers have such a
knack of setting up the deck that they
deal themselves full hand every time
Wonder, now, If L could stand pat, and
bluff the snoozer on an ace high Since
l come to think of it I'm not so ignorant
after all. It's been long while since 1
went to Sunday School, but 1 recollect
some of the prize stories we learned
there. Let's see''-And Sanscript sat
down to think. SO intent was his mind
rummaging around in his brain for the
dusty lore of his almost forgotten SUM-
day School days, that he had never noted
the fact that he had sat upon his wife's
twenty dollar fall bonnet, which she had
carlessly left lying upon the sofa. Let's
see, now, mused John tapping his fore
head. "There was something about
and falling into the bearpit, or getting
bit by camel-I forget just exactly the
nature of Dams accident. Then what
was the tough yarn about some little
Jew boys who were thrown in rolling
mill, and came out without singeing
their eyebrows? Oh, yes. Wasn't 1t
Goliah who licked twenty million In
dians with the jawbone of mule and
then sat down and bawled because there
WASH It any more left ? Never mind; I'll
give the old hoodlum pretty good tussle,
reckon, and if don't rise him right
out of the pot on the first deal it'll be be-
cause lack gall. 1t becomes me to be
agreeable to the old dead beat anyhow,
because Mrs. Sanscript said if 1 made
agood impression on him she wouldn't
insist on a new seal skin sacque this
winter-and seal skin sacques don't grow
on trees. There goes the bell III bet
ten red ones that's him"
Sanscript smoothed his ruffled hair
with few strokes of his hands, cleared
his throat, pulled down his vest, and
walked out into the hall and opened the
door. A pale, cadaverous looking young
man, with long hair, watery eyes, high
cheek bones, large mouth, Roman nose,
and clad in shiny black suit, bowed
and smiled at the master of the house
most benignly. Under his arm he car
ried a large book, which Sanscript
thought of course was Bible, or some
large work on theology. Grasping the
visitor by the hand, John drew him into
the hallway with cordial intent, and,
continuing to squeeze and shake, said:
g. My dear sir, this indeed pleasure.
We've been expecting you. Come right
into the parlor."
With bewilderment written all over
his face, the young man tacitly followed.
"Have this chair by the fire. Give me
your hat. Mrs. Sanscript is dishing up
the cruel now. smell it. Don't your"
The young man shifted the air, and
his face lighted up with the expression
of a hungry and eXpectant stomach.
"That most prominent odor-the one
nearest to you-is the stufiin' for the
duck. You like stuffed duck-don't
your"
Pm fond of duck" ventured the
young man, drawing his coat sleeve,
across his watering mouth.
That's good. thought you'd like
duck. Them's what the children of
Israel fed on when they went down into
Turkey-if recollect rightly"
Sanscript reconnoitered from the cor
ner of his left eye for the effect of his rst
theological shot. You see he was not
quite sure he had hit the bulls eye But
the young man SMILED and nodded,
which added confidence to the hosts as