The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-11-12
Scfssorfnktunnas. .


en- clearinghouse keepers sixty answer
ed in the affirmative.
'Pansy O'Rourke''--Your poem,
shines to Maud" cannot he used. Mr..
Vanderbilt has turned Maud out for
the winter, and, be4ides, she has lines
enough.
IT any body asks you why the Arc
tic and Antarctic oceans are like politi-
cians, you can tell them It's because
they lie around the POLES.
A poor cornet got his skull fractured,
and was told by the doctor that his
brain was visible. He replied: 'sWri;e
and tell my father, for he always swore
| had none."
81 am surprised" said Galveston
politician TO heavy property owner,
'that you don't run for some office
"Welb you see somebody has to do
the taxpaying."
Bjornstjerne Bjornsob threatens to
sue Wilhelmj for Infringement Emi.
merit lawyers, however think the case
wont lie. II the fiddler had written it
+" WjiIhelm," it would have been a
clear case.
"Lurline''--Ynur poem about gray.
hooded eve cannot be published, because
it lacks fidelity to fact. BY looking
at any fashion journal yon will discover
that gray hoods are not fashionable this
season.
Two schoolmas:ers of western town
have been put to fiigh. by the inbabit-
ants for cruelty to the children. The
pupils do not intend to set out in search
of the missing whalers.
Mr.. Gastadoni of Fincengo, has
invented something that will prolong
the sound of tie piano note. It is
very trying at time like this to reflect
on the fact that no gun will shoot from
here to Italy.
The dnll thud of stick o. wood in
contact with joints of stovepipes is
heard in the land, the air is tull OF
muttered curses. aud there are loud
calls tor court plaster, tescoyer scalped
knuckles.
"Silence enumerates 228 species OF
organic forms in the air we breathe"
just think of it! Every time yon draw
a breath a whole geological garden
slips down your windpipe, and no free
tickets to the press.
According TO an English writer Mr.
Gladstone walked eight miles the other
night to reach home after long
railway journey. The person who for
got to sen6 tie carriage for William
has our heartfelt sympathy.
Old red farmhouse-big kitchen
twenty bushels of apples--forty boys
and girls come to the pairing bee
winks, mods aud squeezes, aud a dance
after supper Rise mp, ghosts Of by
gone years!
a baby can put its rosy toe in its
mouth more easily than its father can,
but when it comes to putting his whole
f;ot in is, the man of years and expert
erce can discnnn; the baby half hun
dred and then run out.
A noted author says that sslittle chill
dren are the lilies OF the valley of life"
There is nothing so touching as the
sight of ten-year cid lily scooting mp
back alley Sunday afternoon with his
pockets full OF fish lines and bait.
The three men who captured Andre
were playing cards in the bushes as
lie rode up. Had they not came there
20 play cards he would have esca:H-d
an6 our conniry been lost. Let ns
take tie right bower OF hearts for our
national ensign.
Lawyer c. (entering the office OF
lis friend, DIR. N, and spea king
IN horse whisper) ''Fred, Pve got
sncI, cold this morning that [ can't
speak the truth " DIR. NJ !:
swell, Pm glad that it's nothing that
will interfere with your business.
p. t. Barnum offers 10 give $1,000
: toward reading and amusement room
in Bridgeport. Conn, where young
. men find sociability away from sa oon<.
, MIR. Barnnm is evidently alF,wing his
o remorse at having SOLD So much bad
i lemonade 10 take the right direction.