Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-11-12

Sent carthward from above,
Thy heart was doomed TO lean OH mine
Nine, TO enjoy thy love.
Why ask, when JOY doth smile,
From what bright heaven 1t fell .
Men mar the beauty Of their dreams
VINO trace their source too well.
Cows Teeth.
Ia.;oRAxcE STALKING THROUGH THE LAND
GPeck's sun.l
4 couple of Third Ward citizens me-
each other on the sidewalk last Monday
morning as they were starting 1or thell
places of business, and one of them, a maI
who resides on Van Buren street, asked
the other Jackson street man, if cows
had any front teeth on their upper jaw
The jackson street man WAS q little as
tonished at the question, as there had
been nothing said about cows, but replied
promptly.
WHY. OF course they have front teeth
on their upper jaw; how could they bite
off grass if they hadn't
The Van Buren, street man said it was
not question of logic, but question oi
fact and if the jackson streetman did moi
know whether cows had front teeth on the
upper jaw or not, he ought to say so. Il
did not ask for your opinion" he said,
Il asked if you kno1c.
The jackson street man was little
nettled at this and replied with stme
warmth. He said if he had child three
years old who would ask such question
as that. he should be afraid the child was
an idiot
"Iou would
Il certainly should.
Then" said the Van Duran street man
las it is such simple question, of course
YOU can tell me whether cows have got
front teeth on their upper jaws or whether
they have not"
why of course they have"
They have, eh?"
Yes"
"I'll bet you so they haven't said the
Van Buren street citizen, pulling ont a
roll of bills, and peeling off a couple OF
fives and shaking them at his neighbor.
Put up or shut up"
There is some internal catch abou,
this thing" said the other, suspiciously !;
Il might have known it, too, the minute
you asked me such an Internally idiotic
question.
mo catch at all about 1t, replied the
other, ''if cows have got front teeth on
their upper jaws the 80 is yours. II
they haven't the money is mine. Nothing
could be fairer than that, could there p
But still the jackson street man hesi.
tated 1t was barely possible that cows
did ,iot have any front teeth on theil
upper jaws. He remembered, then, that
cows in biting off grass always threw
their noses outward, while horses nlpped
it off by Jerking their nose inward. He
was astonished at how near he had come
to being victimized, but he did not like
TO come down. The two were then near
the meat market at the corner of Jackson
and Michigan streets, and the Jackson
street man was sure that butcher would
know for certai nwhether or not COWS had
front teeth on their upper jaws: so ht
pushed open the door and siad to the
proprietor:
"Linehan, have cows got front teeth oil
their upper jaws y
Linehan, was running skewer through
roast of beef, but he stopped, looking
up in astonishment, and said, "What 2"
" Have cows got front teeth on then
upper jaws
Cows"
Yes"
''Got front teeth on their upper iaws?'
Yes"
Upon my word 1 don't know"
'.You don't know
NO. You see l buy my beef by the
quarter at the slaughter house, and dom
have anything TO do with the heads
But / can find out for you when | gC
over
9 | wish You would.
So the jackson street man closed the
door, and reioined his neighbor and the
two walked along without saying word
A milk wagon WAS seen coming up the
street, and il WAS resolved to hail the
driver and ask him the question, as it il
popularity supposed that milkmen art
more or less familiar with COWS. The Van
Buren street citizen cleared his throa
and yelled, Hello" The milkmal
reined up and said:
''Go ahead with you tests. If You tint
any water I'd chalk i'll that milk III give
You the whole Of it. "
The citizens told him to be calm, al
they had no intention OF test his milk, bu
only wanted to know if cows had froE
teeth on their upper jaws.
The milkmm looked at them about
minute, and then whipped up his horse
and drav;. off, mentioning Some kind of
+ at the were. Up on Wisconsin
street they saw another milkman, deliv
eriug milk, and overtaking him they cx
plainee the dispute He smiled pityingl
upon their ignorance, and said ::
''Of course cows have front teeth Oh
their upper iaws-a driveling idiot ough
to know that much. A COW would be
handsome looking object without all,
front teeth on her upper Jaw, wouldn'
shc? ?"
1--WE concluded to take that bet q
yours,' said the Jackson street man t
the other Come, now, down with you
dust. Put up or shut up.
"Why didn't you do it, then, when yo
had a chance ? / never claimed to kno,
whether IA COW had front teeth On lac
upper Jaw or not Ionly thought la
read so somewhere, and / asked TO see
YOU knew about it for certain. But no'
that the thing is settled, and there is n
question about If, there is nothing to be
on as | can see.
80, Of course not, said the Jackso
Flitt btiihblithliF. vi tOuib' liOi
Just then Mr.. Clark, of the Newha
House, happened along, and as the mill
man picked up his lines and drove off tn
Van Burpn street man asked Mr. Clar
if he knew anything about cows. Nj
Clark said he did, having formerly been
farmer and cattle buyer. Well, sal
the Van Buren streeter, do you know
got the queerest idea in my head thi
morning, about cows, that man ever hal
Somehow or other got an idea that COW
had no front teeth on their upper Jaw
and | actually offered to bet ten dollar
with this man that such was the case.
don't see what possessed me"
well, you had bet you would hay
won the money" said Mr.. Clark.
What - exclaimed both the citizer
together
II sayif you had bet you would hay
won the money, for cows have no fror
teeth on their upper jaws"
Sweet spirit hear my prayer" sal
the Van Buren street citizen, as
brought out his roll, and peeled oil IL
two five again and shook them at IL
Jackson street man, who turned avs
with slckly smile and said he could N
he always pulling out his money.
Ignorance seems to be stalking throup
the land like a Kansas grasshopper {
stills.