The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-04-29
TOO MUCH 2'ELEpHONE.
An Old Dutchman Finds Out That Ens
Communication Corrupts Good Manners

communication Corrupts Good Manners.
d 'lroit j. &c Press
- guess hat to give up my dele
phone already" said an old citizen o
Gratlot avenue, as he entered h;
o1lice of the company with II yer,
long face.
"WhI, what's the matter now?"
"Oh! ctcrytings. got dot dele
phone in mine house SO as | coull
sphcak nit de poys in der saloon down
town, and nit my relations in Spring
wells, but ! haf to gif it up. l never
hat SO much drouUIrs."
"Iow!"
"Vhrll, my poy Shon, in der saloon
ne, rings der bell und calls nc GOD und
says an old tricnt Of mine vhants tc
SEQ how she works. Dot isll all right
| say, 'IlcllowH und hc saws, Come
closer | goes closer ind hcIlocs
again. Den lie says, 'Shtand little
orr shtands little of und wells
v4t,treo more, und hc says sShpeak
loudofS / yells louder. it goes dot
Xhay, ,fSpir ten minutes, und den he ,savs vs.
go 10 Texas, you old Dutchman =
You scc?"
eyes"
."Aud den mcin bruddcr in Spring.
wells he rings dc pcll und calls me
oop und says how wash dis catnings? ?
! says [ wash feeling like some colts,
und he says, 'Who WANTS to puy some
goats" | says, lts-coIts-colts!' =
und he answered: 20, coats, I thought
You saidt goats!' When goes to ask
him Of he feels better, | hear voice
CRYING out, What Dutchmans is dot
on dis lincp Den somebody answers,
Il doan' know, but likes to punch
his headH You scc?"
EYES,"
"Vhcll, sometimes my yhifc WANTS
to. shpcak nit me When I am down in
der saloon. She rings mcin bell und l
says, 'Elcllow! Nobody shpraks to
me. She rings again, and saws sIlcl-
lo!' like dundcr! Den der ccntra,
office tells me go abhcadt, und den
tells me holdt on, und den tells mine
vhite dot Pm gone away. / yclls out
dot !sh not SO, und somebody SAYS,
HHow can talk if dot old Dutchmins
doan' keep sthillp You see"
eyes"
"And when | gets in bedt at night,
somebody rings der pcll like der house
vas on fire, and When | shulnps oudt
and says hello, | hear somebody say
ing, 'kaiscr, doan' you vhant to puy a
dog? 1 vhants no dog, and When
tell 'cm so hear some peoples laugh
ing. Haw, haw, haw! You sce?''
eyes"
"Und so you dakc it oudt, and when
somepody likes to shpcak nit me dcy
shall come right away to mcin saloon.
yOof NY. bruddcr ish sick he shall get
peter, undif somebody WANTS to puv
me dog he shall CONS vhcre | can
punch him NIT glub!'
THE FAMILY RUDDEE.-A Comstocl-
cr who was having his hair cut, gave
the barber particular Instructions not
to remove a long lock that projected in
u somewhat unsightly way from the
front Of his head.
"lt don't become you," said the bar
Der.
. "Can't help that" said tho customer.
"Better let me take it OFF," said tho
barber.
"Just you leave it as it is," said tho
man. -.
"But," persisted the barber, "I can't
give you q smooth, decent cut if l leave
tho hair SO long in front. 1t will look
liko tho very devil. l can't see what
you want it left there for2"
:. "Thabs because you don't know
what it .is--you don't know tho use of
it,"
81 know it is bunch of hair, and I
know that tits deyilish unbccoming
just where il is"
"Ycs. it is q bunch of hair, and it is
something moro than a bunch Of hair
1t is tho fQmily ruddcr."
."ThG family whatI"
"ThA1amily rudtlcr. When things
don't cd rightat home my wife always
grabs that lock Of hair. She would
feel lost without it. When she gets
hold ofthat she can handle mc-stcer
me In tho right course, so to speak
and when go in the right course tho
whole tamily go in the right course and
all is we'll; Iv'o got used to il now
and don't mind it. Sonld Ilosc nv
.haiI and become bold, or should yoT
give me a fighting cut all over, there
wonld be no way of steering me; I
should become nnmanageabic, and
sooner or later a total wreck. No, sir,
don't y6ul (listi1rl fhn familu rn,l.1ar y