The Portland daily press., 1880-07-02
brooklyn Eagle.l
A Complicated Garment.
Mrs. Spoopendyke's Bathing Suit.

"My dear, observed Mr.. Spoopendyke, look
ing up from his paper, 81 think L would be-
greatly benefited this summer by sea baths.
Bathing in the surf is an excellent tonic, and
if you will make me up a suit, and one for
yourself if you like, we'll go down often and
take dip IN the waves
"The very thing" smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke,
"you certainly need something to tone you up,
and there's nothing like salt water. think
I'll make mine of blue flannel, and, let me
see, yours ought to be red, my DEAR
81 don't think you caught the exact drift of
my remark" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke; "I
didn't say was going into the opera business,
or that was going to hire out to some country
village as confagration. My plan was to go
in swimming, Mrs. Spoonpendyke, to go in
swimming, and not grow up with the country
as a cremation furnace. You can make yours
of blue if you want it, but you don't make
mine of red, that's all.''
There's pretty shade Of yellow flannel"
"Most indubitsbly, Mrs. Spoopendyke, but
if you think I'm going to masquerade around
Manhattan Beach in the capacity of ham.
you haven't yet seized my idea don't ap-
prehend that l shall benefit by the writers any
more by going around looking like Santa
Cruz rum barrel. What want is a bathing
suit, and If you can't get one up without max
ing me look like Fulton street car I'll go and
buy something to suit me-"
Would you want it all in one piece, or do
you want pants and blouse?"
II want suit easy to get in and out Of. I'm
not particular about following the fashion.
Make up something neat, plain and substan-
tial, but don't stick any fancy into it. want
it modest and serviceable."
Mrs. Spoopendyke made up the suit, under
the guidance of lady friend, whose aunt had
told her how it should be constructed. 1t was
in one piece, and when completed was rather a
startling garment.
dyke, eying it askance when it was handed
him.
Before retiring Mr.. Spoopendyke examined
the suit, and then began to get into it.
"Why didn't you make some legs to il?
What dye want to make 1t all arms for?" he
inquired, struggling aronnd to see why it didn't
come up behind.
You've got it on sideways" exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendyke. you've got one leg into the
sleeve"
1--WE got to get it on sideways. There amt
any top to it. Don't you know enough to put
the arms up where they belong? What dye
think I am, anyhow? A star fish? Where
does this leg go?'
Right in there. That's the place for that
Then where's the leg that goes in this
hole?"
why, the other leg"
The measley things all legs. Who'd you
make this thing for, me? What dye take me
for, a centipede? Who else is going to get in
here with me? want somebody else. amt
twins. 1 can't fill this business up. What
dye call it, any way, family machine?"
Those other places amt legs; they're
sleeves"
What are they doing down there? Why
ain'n they up here where they belong? What
are they there for, snow shoes? S'pose I'm
going to stand on my head to get my arms in
those holes?"
II don't think you've got it on right" sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke. "It lookstwisted."
That's the way you told me. You said put
this leg here and that one there and there
they, are. Now, where does the rest Of me
II made it according to the pattern" sighed
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''Then it's all right, and it's me that's
twisted" sneered Mr.. Spoopendyke. "I1l
have my arms and legs altered All 1 want is
to have my legs iammed in the small Of my
back and my arms stuck in my hips; then it'll
fit. What did you take for pattern crab?
Where'd you find the lobster you made this
thing from? S'pose I'm going into the water
on all fours? told you wacted bathing
suit, didn't l? Did say anything about a
chair cover?"
81 think if you take it off and try it on over
again, it'll work." reasoned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
',Oh! of course. I've only got to humor the
gasted thing. That's all it wants." and Mr..
Spoopendyke wrenched it off with growl.
Now pull it on" said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke went at it again and re-
yersed the original order of disposing his
limbs.
"Suit you now?" he howled. That's the
way you meant it to go? What's these things
Hopping around here?
Those are the legs, Pm afraid" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dejectedly.
What are they doing up here? l see; oh!
see, this is supposed to represent me making a
dive. When get this on, I'm going head
first. Where's the balance? Where's the
rest? Give me the suit that represents me
head up" and Mr.Spoopendyke danced around
the room in fury.
''Just turn it over, my DEAR" said Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, "and you are all right.
'How'm going to turn it over?" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "S'pose I'm going to carry
round steam boiler to turn me over when /
want the other end of this thing up? S'pose
I'm going to hire man to go around with a
griddle spoon and turn me over like fapjack
Just to please this dod gasted bathing suit?D'ye
think work on pivots?"
"Just take it off and put it on the other
way" urged Mrs. Spoopendyke, who began to
see her way clear.
Mr. Spoopenkyke kicked the structure up to
the ceiling, and plunged into it once more.
This time it came out all right, and as he but
the clouds passed away and he smiled,
Il like it, +" he remarked, 'the color suits me
and think you have done very well, my dear:
only" and he frowned slightly, 81 wish you
would mark the arms and legs so l can distin-
guish one from the other, or some day / will
present the startling spectacle of respectable
elderly gentleman hopping around the beach
upside down. That's all