The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1880-12-17
Hash.

At the height of hot discussion be-
tween two Jews one cried, "Goodne .ss !
don't eat me!' "Ipdeed, said the other,
my religion forbids."
A New Yorker is named Stealing, and
he hates the name; but he took the curse
off il for his daughter by making her
Christian name "Worth."
II declarem exclaimed slovenIy
writer, II wish could find pen that
would just suit me-" and instantly came
the chorus. Try pig pen."
Tne young lady who objected to being
embraced by her lover, was gravely in
formed by him that she was putting a
restraint upon the liberty of the press.
Rev. Beecher has announced that he
is in favor of free-trade Good gracious,
is it possible that protective tariff oper.
ates against his hugging and kissing
married womenp
The model husband has been found in
Philadelphia. He don't permit his wife
to do but half the work. She puts up
the canned fruit in summer, and he puts
it down in the winter.
MA" said young lady to her mother,
sis it wrong for young folks to dance
round dancesP" IL think" broke in
maiden aunt, .'that when young folks
dance round dances there'd better be
some old folks round"
There are great many skillful en-
gineers on our railways, but we never
knew one yet who could kick his train
around curve with the grace and sue
cess with which a first class actress can
perform the operation.
Rosa McWhortleberry heard her mas.
ter remark at the dinner table. the other
day, that Kismet meant "fate," and
hat is the reason why she so astonished
her mistress by remarking, II next day,
TO Belinda, the cham bermaid "Oh.
BliDdy, | can't scarcely walk wild the
chilblains all over me two Kismets.
II have no patience with man who
can't remember thing no longer than
it's being told him." exclaimed Jones.
impatiently; "Now, can carry thing
in my mind month, if need be-" You
are a lucky dog, JONES'" remarked Prem
dergast quietly; sit isn't everybody that
has so much room in his mind as you
have, you know"
Mr.. Cox: IVY. hear that you took
ten dollars to vote for the democrats,
neighbor. Amt you got no conscience,
H. sellin' yourself in that fashionp" "Mr.
Box Il don't deny as l took ten
dollar note off the democrats, John Cox.
But you wait till you hears wot took
from the republicans next day. My
conscience is clear"
Hahne mann, the founder of the hom-
eopathic school. was one day consulted
by wealthy English lord. The doctor
listened patiently to the patient. He
.ook a small vial. opened it, und held it
under his lordship's nose. Smell
Well, you are cured" The lord asked
in surprise, "How much do l owe youp'
"A thousand francs" was the reply.
The lord Immediately pulled out bank
note and held it under the Doctors nose,
Smell! Well, you are paid"
what do you charge for shave
hereP" asks a dusty, travel-stained man.
entering a barber shop. at just de-
pends on mans occupation" was the
reply; "what do you doP' I'm book
agent" Then it will cost you twenty
five cents" why you charged the man
who went out only five cents" IL know
it; but he's lghtning-rod agent and a
peddler of Photographic tickets, and he
allows me to hone my razors on his
cheek. ."-SomerviA Journal
1t sometimes happens that imperti-
nence is paid back in its own coin. Once
when John Randolph was leaving a
country tavern the landlord said Mr.
Randolph, which way are you goingp"
The gruff Virginian replied i've paid
ny bill, and its none of your business"
Half an hour later Randolph came to a
,rossroad, and, not knowing which to
AXE, sent his servant back to inquire.
The landlord replied Tell Mr.. Ram
lolph that he has paid his bill and he
AN take which road he pleases."
1t is absolutely necessary to look care
ully after the education of your boys.
They are apt TO get wrong notions into
heir heads, and unless watched TO make
lse Of them to their detriment A SUM-
lay school teacher was examining her
lass on the parable of the wheat and
ares. "And what is tare?n she asked
Il know" said little
elbow. who had watched his parents
Ourse TO some purpose, ''it is a high
I'D time; that's what it is" When
sked by the astonished teacher to ex-
lain himself he said. Last week father
vas gone three days. and know just
sbere he went and what he did, and
mother told me the guv'ner was off ON
n old fashioned tare.