Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-01-08
A DEMONIaCAL WHISTLE.
The Way Fifth Warders Dreams Were
Disturbed.

Disturbed.
To the Editor of the Globe:
profess to be peaceful and law-abiding
citizen, submitting with Moses like meek
ness to all sorts of annoyance without re-
pining. do not even demonstrate with my
neighbors when their dogs make night hide
GUS with their howlings and bsrkings, and
their bovines invade my premises. suffer
in silence the ordinary whistlings, bell ring
ms, puffings and groanings of the locomo-
tives as they labor to ascend the steep grade
near by. In my excess Of gushing patriot
ism might, after the manner of the Roman
Curtius, leap into chasm-if necessary to
prevent calamity to the dear public, and
submit to be- sent aloft by blast of the
numerous excavations in the rocky strata of
the city--made by gas and water companies
and contractors in the interest of higher
civilization. But alas! there is limit to the
endurance of poor human nature, and that
has at length been reached in my case, to
wit: On my return Twelfth night, January
9th, from an entertainment given by hos
pitable host, sought my couch under the
soothing influence of generous fare, and with
the satisfaction of knowing that was at
peace with all my fellow men without o
single exception, 1 fell into slumber not
dreamless, for visions of angels, and charm
ing women, and young maidens f1oated be
fore me in pleasing succession. A rude in
terruption followed during the wee hours.
continued in dreamland, but the scene
changed. I felt pin or other sharp instru-
ment inserted into my auricular organ, and
soon thereafter the point of stiletto, and
then the dagger driven in by hammer, and
finally was aroused by the seeming blow of
sledge, which drove the weapon through
ear drum, muscle and bones, causing ex-
quisite pain. When fully awake found
that all the distress had been occasioned by
the blasts of an internal invention in the
shape of particular locomotive which
is said to be the property of the st. Paul,
Saltwater & Taylors Falls company. Wheth-
or or not it 80 appertains, it can discount at
odds all the locomotives in the western
world, in narrowing, piercing, and diabolical
shrillness, and loudness of sound. My in
depreciation of the dream is this, and it is
doubtless correct one. The manipulation
of that engine harbors a spite against my
neighbors who have complained of his per-
formances. and at the time referred to, he
vented it upon L. and P. as be moved up
the valley-that was the first perforation of
my ear. Next he gave. NJ. and others the
benefit Of shrek, which accounted for the
stiletto-then he blasted s., our respected
city father, and that was the stroke of the
hammer, and when opposite H. and B. g
premises, they being considered the head
and front of the offending, he opened upon
them with trio or more of the most terrific
screams, which were the sledge that drove
the weapon into my agonized brain. When
the two members of the imperial parliament
constituting the royal commission were here,
they expressed to me their indignant regret
that our Sanity City had permitted her
natural beauty to be marred by the build
ings on the river front, and one of them,
Hon. Mr.. Pell, went so far as to say that he
would subscribe e1O towards the purchase
and removal of these distractions to the
view. In like, bat more interested spirit,
pledge myself to contribute according to
my means, to the purchase and utter de-
struction of the machine which has inflicted
such torture upon peaceful neighborhood,
and to the indictment and punishment of
the manufacturer for constructing it. AS for
the fend, practical Joker or mailman who
enSineerS IL, IL tue urSt, he shouIu Do BE-
curely tied within six inches of the whistle,
and the rope governing the throttle placed in
the hands of small boy, who would delight
in pulling it for several consecutive hours
if the second he should be sent to the stone
pile for thirty days-but if the last he should
forthwith be dispatched TO the asylum at st.
Peter-whero he would doubtless at times be
solaced by shrieks resembling, but in lesser
degree, those of the engine in which he now
delights. FIFTH WARD.