The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-03-05
VARIETIES.

Butchers don't sell silver pads"
A "sheet" snchor-A clothes pin.
Algeria sends back iron in exchange
for American petroleum.
The man who couldn't find his
match" went to bed in the dark.
There are thirty faro banks in Butte,
Montana, well .patronized and prosper
ing.
An Oregon stage was obliged to stop
near Roseburg while two bears fought
a duel in the road.
A mother out West brags that her
baby will enjoy three hundred and six
ty-six holler days this year.
The course of true love never runs
smooth. Yet it will run off old bache-
lcrs like water of ducks back.
None of you ever saw it before. The
tailboard of an express wag0h. In fact
it's always behind.-TNew York News
La Sale laid the keel of the first YES
sci built on the great lakes, six miles
above Niagara Falls, in january, 1879.
Ambition often puts men upon doing
the meanest Offices; so climbing is per-
formed in the same posture with creep
ing.
Mrs. Young wants to know how she
can tell fresh egg from stale one?"
Taste it, goosy, taste it.-[Burlington
Hawkeye.
Somebody asked minister if there
had been an awakening in his church.
No, stree, was his reply; there has
been no sleeping in my church.
The march of progress, invention
and leap-year has developed a new
style of courting. 1t is well to have
variety in all things.-[Waterloo OBJ
server.
Manufacturing clothing in Chicago
gives employment to $4,000 people, and
the value of the goods made is $4,000
000.. This industry has doubled in four
years.
"You may talk of the beauty of the
pyramids" )" said Miss Sociable TO a dis
tinguished traveller, "but as for me,
give me pyramids of ice cream at a
supper table.
This being leap-year, any wife is
privileged to 90 down town after ten
O'Clock and hunt up her husband and
read him lecture on larks and other
birds.-[Free Press.
An Ohio girl sued a man for breach
of promise, and proved him such
mean scoundrel, that the jury decided
she ought to pay him something for
not msrr, ing her.
A ton of gold makes fraction over
half a million dollars, and when man
SAYS his wife ia worth her weight in
gold, and she weighs 120 pounds she is
worth $4,000.
A gay rooster came tripping light
fantastic toes up to the occupant of a
quiet nest, and said: "Wlll You dance,
Biddy?" "Excusc me-" said the hen,
81 am engaged for this set"
My son is a good boy and would
succeed in life but he won't make an
endeavor. What, no endeavor? Well,
hardly cndeavor. Their pistols were
discharged at each other simultaneous
ly with fatal effect.
Some people act as If Providence
were a thing of the future entirely
others as if it were thing of the past
while the fact is it keeps right on doing
business at tho old stand every day.
[McGregor News.
, Out in Ohio, says an exchange, when
/ a Young man has taken a girl to SPELL
! ing-school sixteen times. the law con-
: siders them engaged to he married
: and she has good case of breach OF
promise If he doesn't walk up.
Mr.. Trollope, the novelist, is quoted
| as exclaiming: "IIave you any ugly
! women in the United States? Foi
surely none come to Europe from your
. country. Well, yes; we have occa
: sionally one; but for prudential reasons
: we wont name them.
,, "John, what odor is that?" "Clovc-
love-" "But the other?" "Allspice, m,
!, beloved" "But isn't there another?'
, "Yes, apples, belovedest." "Just on,
more2' "Raislns my belovedest.
q "Well, John if you'd only drink a littl'
n brandy, now, think you would make
: good mnce pie"
|
s The oldest theatre in America is tn
u Savannah theatre, which was built Il
!, 1903. 1t is massive building of bricl
and stone, and has never been remod
:, elcd or changed in any way. Th
d architect was an Englishman VIII
;. was brought 10 this country by tn
y Blake brothers, two wealthy planters
% You can't fool a Quincy girl. Whe
s. her fellow rises from his seat in tn
!, theatre, between the acts, and says,
l. will be back in moment, she dazzle
l. him with one of her most reliabl
g smiles, and pulling him back, with tn
ut remark, brought some with me, coyl
j, slips into his hand pinch of cloves O
N roasted coffee.