The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1880-12-09
HUMOROUS BREVITIES.

A MAN who opens oysters tdoes hings
by halves.
THERE'S lots of cold comfort in hun
dred pounds of ico
ONE-HA1F of the world doesn't know
how the other half lies.
A NEVADA ball report says: "Honora
Il was full OF Gelatin fact, tho eclatest
lady present"
"YoU can't play that on me p said the
piano to the amateur who broke down on
difficult piece of music.
CONE touch of you, ma, makes tho
whole world spin, ;" as the boy said when
his mother boxed his ears
"DARLING husband" she said. Gam I
not your treasure ?" ''Certainly," he re-
piled, 'and should like to lay you up
III heaven"
The editor of the Cincinnati CONNER
cidt, who has farming ideas, thought
that to have buttermilk he must buy q
goat.-Nc,U York Herald.
ONE of the first acquisitions received
from newly-appointed railway station
agent was: "Send mo a gallon of red
oil for the danger lanterns"
WHEN you see two dogs growing and
getting ready to fight, remember that it
is only joint dobate, and the liveliest
dog will get away with the joint"
"Do you get any holidays in your Of
tice? asked returned divine of cher
ry-looklng worker in secular walks. ooh,
yes, we get day to get buried on"
"CIPHERING:" School boy (kept in)-
Lets see-one TINS ought's ought.
Twice oughts ought. Three TINS ought
oh, must be something-stick it down
one."
A YOUNG lady at mn examination in
grammar was asked why "the man bach
clor was singular?' She replied imme-
diately, Because it is very singular they
don't get married."
You wouldn't take mans last cent
for cigar, would you?" "Certainly T
would, remarked the proprietor. "Well,
here it is, then,' passing over cent,
"give me the cigar"
A WESTERN writer thinks that if the
proper way to spell tho is Though" ate
is ''eight," and boss Is stbea1x' >" the
proper way to Rspell potatoes is pough-
teighteaux. Il CteVctCsisd ,Stss.
"THERE Are No Birds in Last Years
Nests q" is the title of o song. Probably
not. Ii it were equally sure that there
are no rats in last years rat holes the
public mind would be more at rest
THE Vermont housewife who read that
English mobiles have lots of hares in their
| preserves, says she tried it to the extent
of putting whole chignon into some
blackberry Jam, and the jam didn't seem
bit better for it.
q" SHALL we sell or abandon our girls?"
edltorlally asks the editor of the HaaUG-
eye. DO neither. Give 'em away. When
a girl is given away, if she is not "sold,"
the young man is-in n mn jority of cases.
-NOrriStO70n Icrald
Two ladies in the horse car were talk
ing about an actress whom they had lust
seen. 'She is too stout" said one. ooh,
no., replied the other, who slightly
tended towards cmbonpOiat. "She is
more than stout; she's fat"
The truly affcctionnte and sensible
wife approaches her husband with u be-
nlgnant expression Of countenance, and
gently laying her hand upon his shoulder,
observes, "Charley, dear, please don't
spend any more money for cnrdamom
seeds. I'll try and stand it if you won't
kiss me on the lips"
A LADY correspondent of the Cincin-
natl ERqui1'C1' says: 81 know fashion
able belle who has her arms lathered and
shaved from end to end by barber once
month" Aha This explains wby
female arms become bald-headed at such
nn early aGc.-L'hUadcLohia Chr0n5cle-
UcraLd.