The Portland daily press., 1880-11-10

That's BETTER" groaned Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as his wife arranged the cool pillows under his
head; "now can die looking out upon the
trees and the sky" and Mr.. Spoopendyke as
sumed resigned expression of visage and
gazed out of the corner of one eye upon bare
allanthus tree and half dozen telegraph
wires.
"Ohl you won't die," said Mrs. Spoopendyke
cheerfully, you're only little sick and you'll
get over it,
"That's all you know about it," snarled Mr..
Spoopendyke. 'To hear you talk one would
think you only had to be fitted up with little
beds and a bad smell, to be Government hos
pital. I'm down sick, I tell ye. and don't
want any fooling aboutit."
'Well, well,' don't excite yourself Keep
quiet and you'll get we'll"
'Much you'd care" muttered Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, turning on his side and resting his
cheek on his hand, in an attitude generally
assumed by martyred spirits on the approach
of dissolution.
"Will you take your drops again, dear?"
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Its about time
for them"
"No, won't. They're nasty. 1 haven't
had anything but drops for week. From the
way you administer drops one would think
you was the trap door of hanging machine.
Gimme some figs.
''But there amt any figs, dear. I'll get you
some," said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's it," growled her husband. ''You
only want an excuse to leave me to die alone.
Why haven't ye got some figs? You might
know I'd want figs. Got any citron?"
"No, 1 haven't any citron, but won't be
or,1 rra%xyo
want"
.'Oh! Yes. You'd get it, I've no doubt.
What you want is rail fence around you and
gate off the hinges to be dod gasted Or
chard. Fetch me some strawberries
"Why, strawberries are out OF season. There
amt any in the market now"
81 supposed you'd say that" moaned Mr..
Spoopendyhe. you've always got some ex.
cuse. If I should die you'd have an apology
ready Gimme something to take this taste
out of my mouth"
''What would you like, dear?' asked Mrs.
"Soap, dod gast it! gimme soap, i ye can't
think Of anything else," demanded Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "Mebbe you amt got any soap. At
any cherries?"
"No. They are out of season too. There are
some grapes in the closet"
Don't want any measly grapes If 1 can't
have what want / don't want it. Where's
UnOS6 drops! why uOnI you give me my
medicine? Going to let me die for the want
of a little attention? Want the life insurance
don't ye? Going to gimme those drops before
the next elecIion?"
Mrs. Spoopendyke ladled out the dose, half
of which went down Mr.. Spoopendyke's gullet
and half over the front of his night shirt
"That's it, he howled. "Spill 'em! They're
for external application. Put 'em anywhere.
Pour 'em up the chimney" and Mr. Spoopen-
dyke fred the spoon across the room
Have piece of orange to take the taste
away?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke pleasantly.
mo, won't objected her spouse. Gimme
a piece of muskmelon."
'T don't believe they have muskmelons in
November" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Of course they DON'T" reasoned Mr. Spoop-
endyke. "They don't have anything when Pm
sick. It's wonder they have houses. It's
miracle they have beds. I'm astonished to
think they have doctors and drug stores. I've
got to hurry up and die or they won't have
any undertakers, coffins, or graves. Gimme
piece of orange, will ye? S'pose I'm going to
lie here and chaw on the taste of those drops
for a month";
you'd like these grapes" suggested his
wife.
"No wouldn't, either. What do you want
me to eat 'em for? Got any interest in the
grape trade? Get any commission on those
grapes? Anybody pay you to make me eat
'em? One would think you only wanted an
iron arbor and four small boys climbing over
you to be grape vine. Where's my pill?'
"You took your pill, DEAR" replied his pa
tient wife.
"Oh, of course A pill is out of season now.
Can't even have pill when 1 feel like it,"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke groaned in spirit and
looked dismal Now sit down, and don't
move. want to sleep. Don't you make bit
of noise, if you want me to live."
And Mrs. Spoopendyke held her breath and
never rustled feather while her husband lay
and glared out of the window for an hour and
a half