The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-01-30
COMICALITIES.

CONGRESSMAN CANNON, Of Utah, is the
husband of six wives and the father Of
twenty-sevcn small boys, each one Il
whom is son Of gIn.-KcOkuE Gdtc
CiW.
VIsIToR in st. Petersburg-"W What IN
the name Of this rivcr?" Guide-"The
Neva." Visitor-"W What, Neva?" Guide
-"Well "-(Herc the wires broke
! DOWN.
The worst case of "stage fright" is
that Of the man who thinks that he has
passed up two dollar and half gold
piece instead of dime to the driver
BoSfOn Commercial BnitctW.
The average housewife will take NOR"
pains to take siclly iifteen-cent plant
through four months Of winter than she
will to keep butter on the ice during
three months Of solid hot weather.
A REVEREND gentleman in Burlington,
n. j., advertises for sale in local paper
n number of full-blooded male fowls al
81 each, guaranteeing them to he fine
layers.
A GIRL who can shed three tears ut the
critical moment and follow them up with
q quivering sigh can marry all around u
blonde who does nothing but try Ia
/ blush
IT was very small boy, and his birth
dry came on Il recent Sunday. "Is it
wicked TO be born on Sunday" asked
he OF his mother. "No; but it keeps
your father home from church"
7 CONDUCTOR (to Brown, who Is pretty
nearly pumped ont with running to catch
his express bus)-"All right, sir; all
right. Don't furry yourself, you're Il
I gaining. "-EHn.
! SMALL girl: "Whcn / die | shall be
singing with the angels" land after "a
thoughtful panseJ "but / don't think |
shall sing much, for | don't know any
thing but song or two III 'Pinafore. y"
"PA," said little boy, "a horse is
worth great deal more, isn't it after lis
broke?" eyes, my son. Why do you
ask such question:" because !
broke the new rocking-horse you gave
me this morning"
crete numbers together?" The class all
uncertain. Professor: "What will be
the product of five apples multiplied by
six potatocs?" Pupil driumphantlyJ:
clash"
TIE Rev. 10 Cook says that it is safe
enough to marry on four weeks court
ship. That's so You can't tell 'em
anyhow until after marrying, and there's
no use WASTING timc.-DcfrOH Frc"
Press
SAD one of-s0ciety's smart ornaments
to q lady friend, This il leap wear, and
| suppose you'll be asking some one to
marry yOu?" "Oh, no" was the reply,
"my finances won't permit me to support
Il husband. "-OU CITY Dcrrick.
"JoHN," said loting parent to her
gormandizing Son, edo You really think
that You can eat the whole Of that pud-
ding with impunity?" - don't know,
mar, replied the young hopeful, "but
/ can with spoon"
"Why should the spirit of mortal be
sad?" is an unanswered problem, but
the man who has to get up in the morn
7X9 buckwhcat pancakes for an invalid
wife, thinks he might offer Suggestion.
-7Joga Co"nty Record.
THE ENGLISH CALENDAR.
Dirty days hath September
April, June and November
From February until May
The rain II rainetL every day.
Aud oil the rest have thirty-onc
Without ono lies, ed CLEAN Of slin.
And IL any 81 them had two and thirty
They'd be just as wet and twice dirty.
ROBERT, who fears he is rejected
But You know, Rebecca, we are COM
manded to love everybody" Rebecca--
eyes; and so l do love everybody"
Robert Pinaforically)-" what every
body?" Rebccca (shyly)-" Well, you
know. present company il always en-
cepted."
We once knew twins who so much re-
sembled each other that one of them
starved himself to death, thinking each
day it was himself who had eaten three
hearty meals, when, in fact, the eater
was the brother. The surviving twin
doesn't know to this day whether it was
his brother or himself who died and was
buried.-BOstOn Transcript.
One Of the lady teachers in Reno
public school, the other day, was labor
ing with IN urchin ON the science of sini-
pie division. This is what came of il:
"Now, johnny, if you had an orange
which you wished to divide with your lit
tie sister, how much would you give
her?" Johnny: "A suck. "-HGRO Ga
:cttc.
A VERY tedious old actor, whose HAM
let occupied four hours, was once play
ing the part in country town, and with
plenty of emphasis and no discretion was
"lading out" the celebrated soliloquy.
"To-be--or-Not-to when an
irrcvcrcnt gallery boy called out to him,
"Oh. toss up for it, Mister, and don't
preach"
An old Michagander has worn a string
OF red beans around his neck for twenty
three years, and during all that time he
has never taken cold. They would prob
ably have the same effect if worn around
n table leg.-Frcc Press. OF course il
would. But that old 'gander has had his
neck twisted up SO long that his head is
rned.-IhiiodciDhia Butictin.
Mr.. SMITH was running to catch
night train at Galletin, Me. Waterman
Snyder mistook him for fleeing bur-
glar and gave chase crying, "Stop
Ihief--if YOU don't | will shoot" Mr..
Smith heard the whistle of the approach
ing train, and sped on faster than ever.
until q bullet from tho officers pistol en-
erred one Of his legs, bringing him to the
yround.
A stranger in Bodie one day last week
II eating plate OF hash at q restaurant,
being very hungry, neglected to chew it
properly and swallowed large coat but
on. They doctored him for pneumonia
hrec days before he was able to explain.
Then they fed him big button-hole tied
% string and fished it out in no time.
He now screens all his hash through n
'ane-bottomed chair very carefully before
'ating.
A MAN had tooth extracted by Chi
ago dentist, and expressed regret for
he loss. \ girl whose jaws were over
rowded with teeth entered the office to
nave two Of them taken out. The den
list suggested the experiment of trans
erring one of these sound teeth in the
'ncancy in the mans mouth, and the
operation was performed with success,
he tooth growing fast and firm in ten
lays.
A COUNTRY doctor, being out for days
hooting, took his errand boy to carry
he game-bag. Entering field Of tur-
lips, the dog pointed; and the boy, over
Dyed at the prospect of his masters sue
less, exclaimed: "Lor, master, there's
/ coyey; if You get near 'em won't you
,hysic 'em?" "Physic them, you young
'ascal What do you mean ?" said the
loctor. "Why, kill 'cm, to be sure"
'eplied the lad.
HERE is true moral tale. A Cleve-
and man ten years ago presented his
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