The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-05-06
BRfC--1-HR.fC.

~ woman sung is The nearest an
proach to perpetual motion.
1t must come easy for photogra-
phcr to say no. lie is never out of
negatives.
on never can persuade a man
that paper that has his name in #
isn't worth reading.
"A young latty i'll Ohio has been
adiudged insane because she fell in
love with college professor.
-ilarrisburg boys steal false hair
Tor their ,hakl-hcadci mothers, which
Is very j,ltc-iul on the part OF the bows.
-AncNchangc says the reason Til
ucn docs not get married is because he
VIII not'acccpt the second place on any
ticket. -,
-Mand, IAN 0ristocratic child) :
GLOW pretty and clever Won are.
lnothcr! I'm so glad YOU married into
our family.
You can always tell a clerk in u
dry goods store from the millionaire
proprietor by the good clothes the
clerk wears.
The idea that fruit eaten at night
Is dclctcrious is proved by the bad ct:-
1cct 1t had upon Adam from eating an
apple after Eve.
They say the difference between q
grasshoppcr aud widow is-by hcav-
ems, there is no difference. THEY'LL
both jump at the first chance.
"A lady for the frs: time listening
to the "still small voice" of a tcIe-
phone, remarked, "Good gracious. IL
sounds Sjust like ones conscicnccr'
The following appears in tic Al
lahabad Pioneer: "Wantcd, e. situa-
ton rs a snake charmcr in a serious
Ia nily. N. b.-No objection TO look
after II camel"
IN. Meissonicr, the great French
artist, "paints very slowly" The
same may be said ofa house painter
working by the day but this doesn't
make him great artist.
-"What is the chief end of man?'
yelled an excited orator, Il In joseph
Cook. "Dcath." Sroancd q man in tho
audience, and the orator started u new
conundrum.
Wealthy cad-"Look hcrc-bring
me some dinner, old man. The best
you've got" Rcstauratcur-"Di
q 'a carte, M'sicu?" Cad-"Cart be
hanged! Dinner Ter carriagev"
--I say, jim, if five and q half rods
make perch, how many will make a
pickcrcl?" "You just tell me, first. if
two hogshcads make pipe. how
many will make mccrschaun,?"
Charles Readc says that all chill
drcn should be taught to have presence
OF mind, but haven't they got it.
Catch boy in the s,gar-box and isn't
he looking for flies.
Members of tho Anti-Profnnitv
Society, Of Savannah, Ga. wear n
white badge. This is to distinpuish
them from tho blue streak that some
people swear, probably.
After the National Conventions
have been held it will be very interest
ing to see what all the people who arc
now running themselves for President
OF the United States will do for liy-
ing.
-IIc was watching his ncighbor's
BOY climb tree and he had look of
painful anxiety on his countendncc.
"Arc You afraid the lad will fall and
break his ncck?" was asked him.
NO." he replied, 'T'm dcuccdly afraid
he WON'T"
"A. young man in Maryland started
out with horse and lance and battle
ak to champion damscls in distress.
lie had not gone five miles when a
red headed school ma'am pulled him
OH his horse and rolled him in tho
mud.
-Profcssor-Which is the moro del
icatc Of tho scnscs?" Sophomore
The touch." Professor-"Proyc it.u
Sophomorc-"Whcn you sit on a tack.
You can't hear it, you can't sec It:
you can't taste it; you can't smell it :
but it's there"
AS COTToN IS KING in commerce. 90
tho Liyor is king in the human svs.
ten. Wo cannot live in any peace
with this great organ disnascd W.