The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-07-28
JULY %
VARIETIES.

An, Irishman, seeing vessel heav.
lily laden and scarcely above the
waters edge exclaimed: "Upon nv
sowl, if the river was a little higher
the ship would go to the bottom.n
Goods at half price," said the
sign. "How much is that teapot ?"
asked the old lady who had been at.
tracted by the announcement.
"Fifty cents, num-" IL guess I'll
take it them" she said, throwing
down quarter. The dealer let her
have the teapot, but took in his sign
before another customer could come
in.
Eyes" said a fresh girl at a show,
Il know my beau goes out between
acts; but he's nice and never drinks
anything but cup of coffee, because
can always smell it as plain as day,
ard l know the smell OF coffee from
beer or whiskey, if am a little bit
green" 1t is a very happy thing for
a young man to have girls conf.
dence.
A wise man will never rust out.
AS long as he can breath he will be
doing for himself. his neighbour, or
posterity. Who is old? Not the
man OF energy, not the day laborer
in science, art or benevolence, but he
only who sufferers his energies to
waste away, and the springs of life to
become motionless, on whose hands
the hours drag heavily, and to whom
all things wear the garb OF gloom.
When 1 was travelling to Massa.
chuSetts, some twenty years ago,
said a traveller, [ had seat with the
driver, who, on stopping at the post
office, saluted an Unlocking fellow on
the step with "Good morning, Judge
Saunders; l hope you're well, sir"
On leaving the office, l asked the
driver if the man he spoke to was
really judge, "Certainly, sir" he
replied, I'VE had a cock-fght last
week, and he was judge"
The Scotchman and the mineral.
ogist "Y on man gave me his bag to
carry by short cut across the hills
to his inn, while he took the other
road. En- it was dreadtully heavy,
and when | got out of his sigAt.. l..
Determined TO see What was in 1t, for
| wondered at the unco weight Of
the thing; and man, it's no use for
you to guess what was IN that bag,
for you'd ne'er find out. 1t was
stones" @And did you carry it?"
"Carry it! Man, do you think I
was as mad as himself? Nae nae
| elnptied them all out, but [ filled
the bag again from the pile near the
house and gave him good measure
for his money"
Hans Growyost, worthy German
farmer, who has been a lifelong resi-
dent of Berks county, has sbrewish
wife, who has long rendered his life
but a couch of roses. One
day not long ago she, in a fit Of pique,
picked up her buds and left him,
vowing never to come back. The
news went around among the neigh
bors-you know how intelligence of
all kinds does travel in the country
and at night several OF them, of
whom l was one, went to condole
with Hans. He sat on his front
stoop putting away at his pipe.
"Hans," remarked, 81 pity YOU"
"My boy" replied the honest Dutch
man, as he disturbedly knocked out
the ashes of his pipe, you vas right.
She has shust come back p
She stood in the effulgent light of
a short tallow dip, waiting for him at
the front door at l Al He came.
He was husky. She didn't mind
that. He was drunk-she was used
to it. "Jim," she said softly, knock
ing him down so as to drag him up
to bed easier; slim, did you vote ~
"Yesh, dear" you've been long
time" "Yesh, love, poll didn't close
till jest now" Where's the
money ?" "What?" THE money"
"My dear, 1 don't understand"
Didn't they pay you for your vote"
No" She looked at him playtuliy,
with a boa constructor tickle in her
eye. "It's time women had the
she muttered 'the men
amt up to it," Then she rolled him
under the bed, to be out of the way,
and in the morning she got him into
an asylum, under the new Punch and
} udy cature act. HE gave his vote
Tor nothing" she said to the Magis-
trate. Dangerous luuatlc,' wrote ,