The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-04-23

| u lttCk.
The Sunday Herald has long article
entitled "Froude on Bunyan." We con-
graduate Mr.. Froude that the bunion is
not on him.
If good wife is luxury, why is one
member of congress allowed four or five,
and the rest restricted to one? Is that
Democratic?
Dennis KeGrney is an unfortunate vic
Tim OF gravel This is probably the re
suit of his protracted association with
the sand lots.
One man eloped with the wife of an
other from a spelling bee in Tennessee.
1t seems spelling bee has its sting as
we'll as others.
The Denver News advises men who
are in i'll luck to wait, watch, pray and
have faith. Perhaps Denver people
don't want pay for board.
The darkest hour is not just before
dawn, as has been stated some years ago,
but Is just after the gas company has
shut down on a delinquent.
Said the Arkansas man: ~ respect
religion, but can you fairly expect me to
attend church when there is circus in
town demanding support?''
"Mixed husbandry is what we need, :"
says an agricultural exchange. Now it
strikes us that the above named crop
would be very unsafe one to go into.
No Arkansas man will lose minute
fooling with gem puzzle, when he can
go and see bull dog fight badger
Arkansas folks know the value of time.
It was Chicago woman who first in
vented the idea of placing canary bird
stuffed with sawdust in a place where a
cat would have to work two hours to get
at it.
1t is at this period of the year that the
recording angel will close his book and
go off on Il vacation until the last carpet
has been whipped, and the last tack
driven.
The parties who mutilated cadet Whit
taker and the man who struck Billy
Patterson, are objects upon which the
public interest is at present largely con-
centrated.
1t comes kind o. sudden like, Just as
the congregation have finished singing
'Salvation's free" to have the preacher
announce that the collection will now
be taken up"
| Col. Bob" Ingersoll has met his
match in Canada. He was challenged
to a discussion by clergyman named
Bray and promptly declined. The name
frightened him.
How queer it is that after nearly every
announcement of 81, 900 here or $50, 900
there disappearing, Il paragraph adds
that a cashier and a good-lOokIng woman
are also missing.
| Col. Mapleson announces that he is
going to bring both Nilsson and Grester
to America next season. Colonel Maple
son is in the habit of mlstaking our pnb-
lie for a windmill
A Connecticut farmer recently jumped
into well because his wife ran him into
NNDt' AAC iOhiAI. hOhCNCIs lndL
couldn't keep his head above water any
better after he got there.
Maybe there isn't any God for the
United States" said a Canadian mayor
to Bob. Ingersoll, "but there's one for
Canada; and you can't have no hall IN
this town to defame Him"
The Ohio legislature has bill before
it taxing leach and every telegraph pole
erected in street, alley, or public way,
the sum of $25." This is in the nature
of permit or right of.way.
A Minnesota doctor charged woman
$50 for curing an ingrowing toe-nail.
She refused payment and stood a suit,
bu. when the jury saw her foot they al
lowed the doctor $50 for the job.
Although the St. Gothard tunnel is
opened its ventilation is yet defective
and en- the Sd inst. man was found suf
located to death in it. 1t is calculated
that the tunnel will not be finished until
December.
General Ewing magnificently stigma
ties President Hayes as a "goody goody."
We'll, 1t is an accusation no one would
ever think of making against the candi-
date whom General Ewing supported as
against Mr.. Hayes.
Susan McClintock, of Geogria, says
she is neither good looking nor highly
educated, but If any woman in the
world wants to pull hair with her for
$40 and the championship of the world
she is right on deck.
Mormonism in Georgia is attracting
considerable attention at the north. 1t
is subject that should be studied in
connection with the lives and adventures
of New England clergymen. 1t is need
less to make il sectional matter.
The greatest calamity of Lord Bea-
consfeld's defeat is the sickening posi-
bility that his retirement from public
life may afford him the opportunity of
precipitating upon an afflicted public
another novel of the Lothair order.
The working classes of Europe are
getting tired Of toiling for the support
of the costly armies needed by their
'strong governments" and are coming
by battalIons to the country which is
able to dispense with such luxuries.
There are 5000 immigrants now in
New York waiting transportation to To-
wa, Dakota, Wisconsin and Minnesota,
and each arriving steamer brings large
additions to the number The larger
part are bound for Kansas and Nebras-
ka
The Coffin family will shortly COM
memorate the 2O0th anniversary of their
settlement in the United States. 1t is to
be hoped that all newfangled patent
caskets will be excluded and proper
solemnity observed, though, of course,
bier will be permissible.
How shall we stop the strlkesy ~ asks
a New England paper Well, with your
right generally, and keep your left well
up in front of you. When you can't stop
a heavy one it is allowable to dodge il.
But if you really don't know how to stop |
them keep out of the ring.
The sacrifice of ZOO persons not having |
allayed the epidemic at the Burmese
capital, the priests and aslroIogers now
advise king Theebaw to remove his can
ital to the former location. 1t is expect
ed that he will follow the advice of the
astrologers, with what effect remains to |
be seen.