The Russellville Democrat., 1880-02-05

BesSies swinging in the sunlight Singing merrily the while, And the geam of her striped stockings Can be seen about a mile. Omaha Herald A WINTERS TALE.
 boy once took it in his head That he would exercise his sled. He took that sled into the road And lord-a- -massy how he slode.
 And as he slid he, laughing, cried: "Wha nun upon my sled to slider
 And as he laughed, before he knewea. He from that sliding sled was slude Upon the slab where he was laid, They carved the line: This boy was slade.s Kansas City Times. THE WORST CASE OF sELFIsHNIss. The worst case of selfshness on record is that of youth who complained be- cause his mother put larger mustard plaster on hIs younger brother than she did on him.-E1.
 WHEN NAOMI STOOD UP
 When Naomi stood up to get married, and the clergyman asked her if she was sure she was fourteen years old it must have been terrible twist for her to ad- init that she was 5S0. SIMON SAYS IT. Because the postmaster-general has never drawn prize in a lottery, that is no reason why he should presume to open business letters that go through the postofiice.-Sinaon Cameron.
 HIS CONSCIENCE GNAwEp HIM.
 A man who had S65 stolen from him received note with $25, saying: T stoled your money. Remorse naws at my conshens, and send some of it back. When remorse naws again I'll send you some more."
 A NEW NAME FOR IT.
 A saloon-keeper having started busi- ness in place where trunks had been made, asked friend what he had better do with the old sign, Trunk Factory" "Oh," said the friend, just change the I to D, and it will suit you exactly"
 WHY SHE LIKED IT.
 A washwoman, being such a regular and attentive listener at church, was commended by her pastor. "Yes," said she, 'after my hard weeks work is done, git so rested to come to church, and sit an think about nothin'."- -Ln. kn0Un.
 AFTER THE OPERA.
 "What splendid orchestra that is. isn't it?"
 "Ye-es, very enjoyable music, I des- say; but when they play you only seem to hear one instrument-the musicians seem to me to lack individuality.-Nv- SicdI Reptelc.
 A STRANGE MEETING:
 It is said that two Presbyterians, two Baptists, two Universalists and an active Jew recently met and conversed togeth- CT on theology without quarreling in Boston. The reason they dld not quar- rel in Boston was because they were in New York Yonkers Gazette.
 WHY HE WANTED IT.
 Maria" observed Mr. Holcomb, as he was putting on his clothes, there ain't no patch on them brooches yet"
 'I can't fix them now; Pm too busy" "Well, give me the patch, then, and I'll carry it around with me. I don't want people to thlnk can't afford the cloth"
 THE BOY TALKS.
 Father, did you ever have another wife besides mother?"
 "No, my boy; what possessed you to ask such question:"
 Because saw in tke old family bible that you married Anno Donini 1896, and that is not mother, for her name is Mary Brown. Rome Sentinel.
 THE PURE QUILL.
 Talking about nerve-rcal, downright nerve-there's young fellow we know who can toss waiter five dollar bill in payment for couple of creams, take the lady out 10 her carriage, put her in, stand smiling on the curbstone till she turns the corner-and then go back and demand his change.-Popuidr Science Monthly
 THE RIGHT THING.
 That's right, dear sisters, send your starving neighbors a good supply of tracts. It is surprising what joy and brightness Q basketlul of tracts will bring to the dear little ones who haven't tasted food for several days Then, too, it cheers the disconsolate mother to see her darlings provided for by Christian char ity.-ffedericksb,trg, Ind, Neus.