The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-12-01
NEW SERIES---NO. 1873.
WIT AND HUMOR.

u
Ute Indians buy garters to wear
around their necks M
Boston brides at hotel tables are said
to chatter in bad French
King Alfonso, of Spain, it is said,
loves to read English history.
sGhastly jolly is the very latest
fashionable slang in England.
A man always wants his boil some-
where else.
Worth, the modistc, is for measures,
not men.
The Hotel Maa says that the fend Of
the period is the paper-stealer in hotel
reading-rooms.
The meanest girl in the universe lives
in Philadelphia, pa she said, II
do wish you would lend me your lovely
red nose to paint my cheeks with"
"Lie9 well, guess he does lie, said
his neighbor Jones why, he's so
fond of lying that he won't let clock
strike right in his house.
Are you lost, my little fellowpn ask
ed a gentleman of a 4-year-old one day
in Rochester mo he sobbed in re-
ply; "b-but my mother is. I"
A boy employed in o barber shop at
Bar Harbor called out the other morn
ing, Where is that man who wanted
the gentleman to shave himp"
Scene in an oyster house; ..See
here, these oysters are spoiled. "s
That's all right; put in twice as
many on that account. n--Boston
Globe.
Freddy Miles, of Cleveland, aged 4,
accompanied his parents TO church. On
entering they kneeled and bowed low.
AS they resumed their seats. thus spoke
Master Fred lis you fraid cause God
is here?' "Why, no, childr Then
what makes you hider'
The late DR.. Bethune asked morose
and misery man how he was getting
along. The man replied what busi-
ness is that Of yoursYn Said the doc
tor: ooh, sir, | am one of those who
take an interest even in the meanest of
Gods creatures"
A couple Of red-nosed old topers were
complimenting each other on their tenn
perance, when one asked the other:
'Have YOU ever seen me with more
than could carry?n mo, but have
seen you when | thought you had bet
ter 90 twice after it, was the reply,
The Hindoos have an idea that all
souls are small. In the German folk
lore they are known as ''thumblings"
A quiet observation of human nature
under certain circumstances--as for in
stance, when the contribution box is
being passed-shows that the idea is
not entirely without foundation. - Ne,c
York Herald.
"What is your religion, Mr.. Glibberp''
asked the landlady Of her new boarder.
'Meat three times day." was the re-
ply that startled the good woman, and
put her in q reverie as to whether the
man was a heather, or had misunder-
stood the question.
''Do not marry widower,' said the
old lady. "a ready-made family is like
a plate of cold potatoes "Oh, I'll
soon warm them over" replied the
damsel, and she did. Stilvater Lasm-
herman.
An ingenious Rhode Island man has
discovered use for the despised milk
weed, and this fact gives rise to the
hope that some benefaetor Of his race
will find use for the small but diaboli-
cal boy who always wants to sit in the
parlor when you call on his sister.
The gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer safe
to pieces to secure fourteen cents, know
something how country minister feels
next day after donation. Detroit
Free Press.
A New York paper gives the infor-
nation that there are scarcely any old
maids in Russia, and we do not wonder
at it. Russia is cold and disagreeable
country Most any man would fore
swear his liberty sooner than get up
and kindle the fires in climate where
the mercury remains CONCEALED nine
months in the year.