Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1880-04-02
A BOON TO MARRIED MEN.
An Ingenious Invention which Saves
Many Curtain Lectures.
Cincinnati Enquirer.

Many Curtain Lectures.
Cincinnati Enquirer
Miraculous inventions are the order
of the day. Even Edison has been sur
passed by genios who has invented
what is called married Mans Indicat.
or" It is wonderfully sensitive ar
rangement OF the ordinary thermome-
ter, in convenient pocket size, and is
graded to scale OF cabalistic marks,
which show the exact state OF the do
mestic atmosphere at any hour Of the
plight. The hard-worked and belated
husband arrives home, say at midnight.
He takes out his indicator" thrusts il
in the keyhole, leaves it there for few
seconds. Pulling it out quickly, he
scans the dial by the moonlighps fitful
cleaning. If it marks rs. A." (sound
asleep the poor husband pulls off his
boots noiselessly, uses his night-key
with bated breath, gives the door a
quick shove to keep it from creaking,
steals tremblingly to bed, and when his
dear little WHEY wakes up about two
seconds afterwards and wants TO know
how long he has been home, he is so
sound asleep that Gabriel's trumpet
couldn't wake him.
II the indicator scores "a. A. G. b. ID.
X. w. H." awake, awful Cross, but does
not know what time it is, ") the husband
puts q few more grains Of coffee in his
mouth; opens the door boldly; walks in
with slam-bang air, bits his foot in
tentonalIy against chair; wants TO
know why the devil the chairs amt
kept out Of the way; gets desperately
mad ON general principles; scares his
wife clear out OF her crossness and in
tended curtain-lecture; refuses to let
her get up and strike match-never
did like a light MT night, nohow; remarks
grulfly in response to timid query
that OTIS about twenty-five minutes
after TO-" and then turns into bed in
such nm apparently awful state Of mind
that the wife of his bosom IL afraid to
speak to him--at which he il very Fad,
of course.
There are numerous other marks on
the indicator showing just where IL will
do to "play the lodge dodge" or the
''sick friend;" or "been standing on the
corner talking with so-and-so for more
than nm hour" or general or honorable
this or that from yon know where, was
in town, and had to 20 away on the 2
O'Clock Train, and he insisted 30 strongly
that the whole party stayed up to see
him of, although il was great bore,
and we only did il through courtesy"
But the most awfully awful of NIL the
cabilisiic signs on the dial is the one ut
the top. about two marks above boiling
point. When the weary husband comes
home about 4 A. NJ, from tho drec-
ton Of the hutcher.shop, with roll Of
meat held high in the mir, 30 that every.
one he passes cannot fail to see il, and
sticks the "indicator" in the keyhole,
he is almost too weak to draw it out.
With hair on the end no reads it by the
faint light streaming in upon him from
the eastern hills, and sweat breaks out
on his noble brow in drops AZ large ~
walnuts rs no sees the bulb of the in
dictator jammed smack up against ar
ii. s. ii. w. Il. Y. j. |. T." (redhot and
still II heating and waiting Tor you just
inside the door. The inventor of the
instrument says that when this terrible
misfortune oycrtnkes man he feels
that there is nothing left in this life
worth living for, and appreciates the
full force Of those beautiful limos:
"Thls world IL nil II foetlnp show,
For mans deluson given"
He sings tho meat out into the yard,
and braces himself for the coming fray,
but says nothing, for nothing can be
said. BIZ he ever so gifted n liar, his ac-
complement il moro than valucless.
No lodge, no sick friend, no talking on
the corner, no sitting up to see the gem
eral off, no swearing that he will never
do II again in fact nothing will avail.
II il Nh absolutely indeiensible case.
He is caught in .Ragrante d,Ecio. Even
the CHASTITY gayety with which, two
hours previous he has said to tho boys
that he guessed he'd see II out now
might as we'll he killed for sheep M n
lamb'--had NIL vanished. The indoa.
tor having told him the exact situation
of things he knows just what to do, and
that is nothing, but got into bed Mt once
and wrap the drapery OF his couch
about him, pull the pillow over his ears,
and wait for his wile's breath to give
out. It's awful while IL lasts, but it has
its use in relieving the unfortunate hus-
bands mind of part of its load.
The indicator Is n great invention,
and no family should he without one.
For sale nj all stores where they are
kept
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