The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-02-05
FACTS AND PANCIHs.

will preserve them fresh.
| The sleep that knows no waking i
not the style in Ireland.
The most ill.nsed objects in the worl
are eggs. Everybody beats 'em.
An advertisement in the newspaper /
worth two on the side Of an old shed.
History does not relate that Adar
, and Eve obtained their sweets by raisinI
cane.
Nobody ever counted the toes on tn,
feet of poetry, or the nails on the I'm
gers oil scorn.
On seeing ahouse being whitewashed
a small boy asked, Man, if you please
are you shaving hat houseP'
The way to induce melancholy WON
an to laugh is to have her front teetl
filed with gold. After that nothing car
stop her from grinning half the time.
An editor being asked, DO hogs payH
says: Many do not. They take the pa
per several years and then have III,
postmaster send it back marked re-
fused
How nicely this corn pops said @
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the Ere on Christmas
eve. Yes she responded, demurely,
its got over being green
A smart Philadelphia who scours
clothing for a living keeps himself bust.
ly employed by compelling his three
daughters to fill their hair with oil the
nights their young men call.
A young lady in Chicago, when asked
by the officiating minister, will you
love, honor and obey this man as your
husband and be to him q true wife p
said plainly, Yes, if he does what he
promired me financially
A Cleveland baker made IS proftsby
selling pound loaves Of bread which
weighed only fourteen ounces, and when
he had put $12 with it to pay his fine he
began TO think the market had broken
on him.
This is q good time for charitable
feelings and we hereby forgive all our
enemies. We hope they will stay for
given; but w warn them that they
will have to behave themselves mighty
sharp. Puck.
You find yourself refreshed by the
presence of cheerful people. Why not
make earnest effort to confer that plea
sure on others9 You will find halt the
battle gained if you never allow yourself
to say anything gloomy.
Observing little brothers remark be-
fore a room full Of company Il know
what made that led mark on Mary's
nose it was the rim of John Parker's
hat And there are girls who believe
that little brothers never go to heaven.
1t is nice when a wife gives her hus-
band a box of cigars on his birthday,
but it somehow takes the omarce all
out of it when she quietly observes next
morning. You'll have to give me some
money TO pay for those cigars ; 1 spent
all mine for other things.'
Mr.. Brown, couldn't you give me a
position of some kind with you p Very
sorry, don't think there is any vacancy
in my establishment If you have
nothing else employ me as your adviser
Very well; you may commence by
advising me how I can best get rid of
yeu.'
Remarked George Washington in his
farewell address: The liberties of this
country can always be safely intrusted
into the hands Of those who advertise,
especially those, my countrymen, who
get before the public in the columns of
\ widely-circulated journal.'-ElmSra
Senator Plumb's new article Of war
provides that no senior officer at gam
bling shall win money Of a junior, un.
Ter penalty of dismissal from the ser.
rice. The article is a good one. The
unior officers Of the army receive the
east pay, and they should rake in the
when they sit down TO a little game
II draw.
Prince Bismarck is reported to have
nee said in one Of his familiar dis
'In politics 1 act as 1 do out
uck- shooting-I put my foot on one
'owlder, and do not take it off till 1 see
~ way to another. When l do, / step
to the new bowlder and leave the old
ne behind; and SO on until / am out
( the marsh
A breakfast was badly spelled at
'arre, Vt, recently. A man bought
hat he thought was buckwheat -four.
Lis wife made cakes, and set them on
table, but complained that the flour
id not rise satisfactorily. The cakes
ere gritty and hard of m~astication, and
o wonder, for while the family we're
away on them q messenger from !
le grocer arrived breathless to say that
le clerk had put up plaster of Paris by ]
I
A Quaker storekeeper lately met a L
.uaker customer of his going home '
it'll bundles. How much did thee give /
yard for this, Mary2 One dollar l. j
Thy, l am surprised at thee. / could v
{ thee have it for seventy five cents a
nd how much for this? Two dollars il
that was unreasonable. l could 4