The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-06-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

society.
Madam, never bang a door, il you do
adore a bang.
A bellies ante bellum days are those
before marriage.
While icing wise, keep straight
Never be crosswise.
The oyster is looking forward toward
his summer vacation.
Second thoughts are best. 1t is not
the same with mortgages.
Jupiter, like many good farmers, now
rises an hour before the sun.
De Lssseps' motto, according to
Puck-I came, 1 saw, l went.
The elevator boy has much to do
towards the elevation of the masses.
The mathematician who wished to
borrow some cash, wrote: al will ! 2
ask for a t."
81 say, stranger, a you tell me how
for it is to the asylumi" "Just fifteen
blocks, SIR"
The photograph is almost q forgotten
invention. II talked back, and o be-
came unpopular.
'oh, pal" cried a little fellow upon
seeing q trout for the first time, Its got
the measles, hasn't itP"
An old maid in Texas has applied to
the board OF lighthouse inspectors for a
list of the buoys just published.
Fishes go in schools. And it is as
serted by persons with p%iscatorial tend
e%ncies. that some play ~''hooky."
Notwithstanding the annual recur-
renee of Lent, the fast men of this
country far outnumber the fast days.
We are told that "Gen. Sherman was
always coolest when Oh the point Of at
tack" Most people are hottest when
on the point Of a tack.
Said the Arkansas man: 81 respect
religion, but can you fairly expect me
to attend church when there is q circus
in town demanding support"
A doctor of divinity in one Of our
Eastern colleges is fond OF going into
the country, where, unmolested, he may
play upon the violin. He must be a
fiddle d. D.
1t comes kind O. sudden like, just as
the congregation have finished singing
~"Salvation's free" to have the preache r
announce that "tbe collection will now
be taken up"
A Norfolk, Va, youth knocked a girl
down with a brick and broke three OF
her ribs because she wouldn't marry
him. As q "striking" case Of love this
takes the prize.
A citizen of Ricine, we learn from n
of the papers, who was working on a
model which he designed getting patent
ed, fled his caveat. People can not be
too careful while working with edged
tools.
The Cincinnati papers are making a
great ado over the discovery OF a mica
bed. Mrs. Malonie sends the Boston
Post word that she discovers a Mike
q. bed every morning when the boy
ought to be up splitting wood.
The rage for old furniture out this
way is exclusively confined to men who
work for a dollar a day and buy at Sec
ond- hand stores.-Free Press. The
rage over old furniture this way is COZ.
fined to people whose effects have been
seized by the constable. --Richmond,
Va, Baton.
One night at the Theater Of San Oar
10, Naples, Dumas the elder found him
self chatting Familiarity with a stranger,
who, when the play was over, said to
him patronizingly: 81 have greatly On.
ioyed your conversation, sir, and hope
to see more of you. If ever you visit
Paris call on me. I am Alexander Du-
mas" "The devil you arel So Inn II"
replied the novelist, with a roar Of
laughter.
The farmer turns the furr0w,
With careless unconcern;
And
The farmers work the handle
or the big ole -fashioned churn.
Their son sorts out the Eaters,
Irr For plantin', in the cellar; ...aI
While
Their daughter on the back porch
Is tslkin' to her Teller.
"No," exclaimed Mr.. Penhecker; "no,
madam, l object most decidedly. Once
and for all I say 1.-THE girls shall not
be taught foreign languages" "And
why not, pray" said Mrs. p, with
whitening sarcasm. BECAUSE" said
MI. p, with more whitening sarcasm;
'because, Mrs. p, one tongues enough
for any womanl" Mrs. Penhecker re-
sponded not.
"Leap year gives young ladies a gen.
tleman's privileges in making love-
Perhaps it does. But no respectable
young man will have anything to do
with a young lady who takes a position
on the street corner and not only winks
the gentlemen as they pass by, but
also squirts tobacco juice On their coat
Nor wnnld IL look we'll for q dozen