St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-09-10
SQuibs.

"There! that explains where my
clothes line went to-" said woman on
finding her husband hanging in the barn.
Inquirer We should suppose the
best thing for a bathing dress would be
a duck suit Boston Post.
An old thermometer is never very
popular. Nobody wants to see ther-
mometer over 70.-LSeth Spicer.
Mistress (horrified) Good gracious!
Bridget, have you been using one of
my stockings to strain the coffee
through? Bridget, (apolOgetically)-
Yis, mum, but shure, l didn't take a
clane one San Francisco Wasp.
A 10th ward small boy, while prowl-
ing about the yard of a church near his
home the other day, found a rusty axe.
He carried it to his mother and asked
the question, "Mamma is this an axe of
the apostles F"- Newark Sunday Call.
A merchant whose time for the past
year has been so much taken up that he
has been unable to remain at home ex-
cept ut mealtime, concluded to take Il
vacation. A friend asked him where
he intended to go, and he said he
thOught he would go home and get ac-
quanted with his family Rome Sen
tinel.
The Lewiston journal furnishes the
following summer resort note: "a gen.
tlenan who spent yesterday at Harps-
well, with his wife-the first days rest
for the season-was asked if he had a
good time. 'Well-yes-rat We
went out, got becalmed, laid down in
the bottom of the boat and vOmited all
day."
We don't know exactly how newspa-
pers were conducted at that distant pc
riOd, but during some recent excava-
tiOnS i'll Assyria a poem on the silver
moon was dug up. 1t was engraved on
tile, and close beside it were lying a
large battered club and part of human
scuil. You may draw your own cOnclu-
sions.-l San Francisco Wasp.
A rather emaciated old darkey who
drives dray for wealthy Galveston
firm, had business meeting with his
employers few days ago. "LOOk
healI, boss, you want to increase my
celery. L don't get enough to eat. rs
fallin' off ebery day" 'That's lust
what we want said the proprietor, rub
biug his lands in high glee, 'we have
no use for fat driver. That's the rea-
son we don't give you high wages. You
would get to be fat and heavy and that
would be so much extra weight for the
poor mule to pnll." "I's nightly
afeared Is gwine to starve to deff.n
"YOu mustn't talk that way Uncle
Nose. YOu must not do that for the
poor mules sake. Just hold out, and
at the next meeting of our society for
the prevention of cruelty to animals, /
will see that you are rendered COM
plimentary vote of thanks for your he
roism i'll tightening the load of the un-
fortunate mule."-[Galveston News.
A bad little Philadelphia boy made
his mothers hair rise, the other day.
He stole her switch for kite bobs.
An exchange notes that the beauty
of the Episcopal service lies in the fact
that it allows a man to confess himself
a miserable sinner, without feeling that
he is alone in the confession.
care you asleep, dearest % eyes,
mamma, and the doctor particularly
said that l needn't be walked to take
my medicine" (Snores.) s.)-[Punch.
A shrewd rascal advertises ma
chine that will "add up column of fig
ures a foot long" in six seconds. He
sends piece of chalk with directions
to use it on barn door or other surface
big enough to hold figures a foot long.
''Look heah, squire, dar's a niggah in
Galveston wat has bin sassin' me
s'pOsin' jist maui de life outen him P'i
The lawyer replied, "YOu would be
apt to get your neck stretched" ''NOw
boss, you is jokin'. Wat do white folks
care for one niggah noah or less now
de census am done tuck 2"
r The Universalist and Unitarian pa.
, pers are having a rather sarcastic de
bate as to which has done the most tt
, abolish hell. Perhaps they had bette
wait and see how it turns out.-[Nortl
1 Star.
! The Detroit Free Press man is writ
e ing series of articles entitled earl,
2 Days in the Michigan State Prison
e Very few people are SO frank abou
7 their early experiences.-[Peck' Sur