The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-08-21
-
PrPP's PATENT.

lhe other morning, rs the gentleman
who stands at the helm of this chaste
family journal was busily engaged on a
terrific leader, entitled "Our Infamous
Sewer System" he become conscious of
an exceedingly powerful and unpleasant
odor. After swearing abstractedly for
some time, without looking up-a jour
nalistic custom of great antiquity-the
editor turned around and beheld thin
young man, wearing eyeglasses and car
rying small leather box, from which
the odor in question seemed to proceed.
GOOD grachus - exclaimed the Jour
nalist, holding his nose-a process that
gave him the intonation Of bad cold
in the head--"wog the deffel you wants"
'Permit me to explain" said the
odoriferous party, taking chair. "My
name is Pipps, and I am the benefac,or
of my race, as il were"
"What makes you smell so allfibercd
storg ?" gasped the other.
at isn't me, my dear sir; its this
box, which contains my wonderful in
vention, and which | want to see you
about writing up" and the philanthro-
pist opened his case.
"Grabc Scod - said the quilldrivcr.
slamming up the window as the full fra
GRANGE OF the contents arose 'do you
wad' 'er murder me ~
at will only take me moment 10
explain my invention, which call the
Great National Bore Bounccr or Univer-
sal Time Economizer, Boon to Busi-
ness Men," said the visitor.
"Go to thud-"
"You see. some simple and efectual
means Of preventing the present fearful
loss Of time from bores and loafers has
been long felt want among the bust
ness community. You are in hurry to
keep an engagement or get to the bank
before it closes. Very well some long
winded nuisance buttonholcs you on the
street corner, and before YOU can decent
ly switch him off it's too late
"Wid you gcb oud ?" said the pencil
parer. on the verge of asphyxiation.
"Try to breathe through your nose 4
few moments and give me your entire
attention. calmly continued the inven-
tor. "Ncw, how was this buttonholc
business to be put an end to promptly,
but without causing offense Why, evil
IDENTIFY by the introduction of some ele-
ment extremely distastciul to the bore
himself
81 dode care dab. II you dode go
I'll cav her poledes."
"Now, what WAS that element to be =?
After eight years of unremi,ting labor
discovered the exact thing-fhfcse :"
"Oh, chced it -
"Yes, sir; cheese-Limburger cheese.
No one but half full Dutchman can
stand the smell of that, as we all know;
and We have an extra strong kind for
them even. We simply inolosc half
an ounce of the high proof quality Linn
burger in one Of these little ornamental
oroide badges. The cheese is covered
by this small alright slide, which is
worked by string running down inside
the vest and attached to the watch-chain.
All you have TO do is to- unobscrved pull
the string. The bore begins to cough,
looks surprised, puts his handkerchief
to his nose, apologies and walks OF.
"Wid no boggy brig me cub -
roared the editor, opening his mouth TO
breathe, but still clamping on to his
oliactorics.
But, you will ask. how do we prevent
the Bounoer from being equally often
sive to the wearer? We have provided
for that. With each badge price fifty
cents goes 4 pair Of these little highly
periumed sandalwood nose pads. You
insert these into the nostrils when YOU
perceive the bore approaching, and
there you are.
"rll figs you in middi,." grimly
remarked the journalist. fumhling in
drawer with his disengaged hand. "I'll
bow YOU f,id of hodes :"
''Of course. the nose pads give the
features slightly Jewish cast" CON
tinued the patentee, earnestly, "but
what OF that !? 4 minute saved is a.
But the journalist had finally fiShed
out the fighting editors derringer, and
the business mans beneiactor promptly
made lunge for the staircase. The
moulder Of public opinion fired his box
of samples after the inventor. and has
since contracted tremendous cold by
sticking his head out Of the window so
that the wind could blow the peculiar
scent of the Bouncer out of his hair
San Francisco Post.