The Osceola times., 1880-03-06
THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

paniment they keep.
SPuRGRoN's doctors say he must not
preach for six months.
BRrsrow has been socially lionized in
Boston, and he grows fat.
The admission card that the student
gets by "going on in the chorus" must
be a supe ticket.
PAWN your Boston Poa
Now. who wants to put a thermometer
up" such a winter as this?
AN Albany man was recently killed in
trying to swallow piece Of raw pork.
One hog killed by another.
"WHAr is home without wiie?' asks
the Yonkers Gasete. Well, it is pretty
quiet place for some fellows.
THE biggest mustache on record is the
one Michael Angelo cut on the statue Of
Moses. 1t weighs ton and half.
IT is not safe to criticisc a singers up
per register. She may become heated,
which will act as a damper upon you.
Ir is said that the Prussian school sys-
tenn amounts TO no more than teaching
: each social grade to hate the grade
above.
AN ex-alderman in Syracuse knew
what he was about when he married his
cook. In three weeks she fell heir TO
$4,000.
The greatest compliment you can pay
a man is to call him an advanced think
er." 1t beats the title General" all out
of sight.
ANEW York paper speaks of "the stern
eve of Washington" We did not know
before that George was famous fer his
hindsight.
COLLARS of Russian sable are very
nobby." 1t is TO be hoped that knobs in
q collar are not so uncomfortable as a
"saw-edge."
The Lord Mayor of London gives q
bond OF $50, 900 for the safety of the Off
cial diamonds, and one of 100000 for
the safety of the plate.
THE New York Sun ventures the opin-
ion that in thirty years from now every
cat will be born deaf This is much
safer than dabbling in politics.
"CnARGE profit and loss with S75,' is
what Philadelphia street car drivers say
when they run over boy. That's the
figure usually given in settlement, at any
rate.
A UTICA man wears folded newspa-
per as q chest protector, and he claims
that 1t beats any other sort yet invented.
There's good deal of heat in some news
papers.
IT is said tha Masonic apron has
been found beneath Cleopatra's needle.
So il seems she did wear some clothes,
the painters to the contrary notwith-
standing.
"YoU promised to pay that bill yester-
day." said an angry creditor to debtor
"Yes," calmly replied the other, shut to
err is human, to forget divine, and /
forgot it."
AFTER Western jury had stood out
for ninety-six hours the Judge got
verdict out of them in two minutes by
sending them word that circus had
4. come to town.
JUDGE HARRIS, of Texas, said If he
couldn't take care of his money no ex-
press company could, and he started
home with $2,400, and reached there
with only broken head.
IT has been ascertained that soft. low
music will draw Holsters to the shore
and make clans feel dreadful uneasy in
their sandy beds. Take your mouth
organ down to the lonely beach and
play.
JOHN ToMPKINs, reduced from wealth
to poverty at Newport, X. l., sat down in
a chair with the intention of staying
there until he starvedto DEATH He had
been without food seven days when dis
covered.
A Zulu cannot marry girl until he
has whipped all her brothers and given
her father an upset, in addition, If de-
manded. There is great scratching
around in Zululand to find only child
rem and orphans.
An English coachman was asked TO
tie up dog, and he resigned ON the
ground that it was the buffers duty.
The butler declined and resigned, and,
after six servants had left. the Earl tied
up the dog himself.
A REALLY Lively Neighborhood-
Landlord retrospective tenant)-"Lone-
"! Yer wife feel kinder lonesome here
so far from neighbors? Why man, this
is right on the road to the cemetery;
There's funerals passin' here every day
o'yer life!"
Mr.. EDWIN ARNOLD, the author of the
"Light of ASIA" is dangerously i'll, and
has been forced to stop work and 90 to
Egypt His trouble is that of John Stu
art Mill-the growth Of large encysted
tumor on the forehead.
"WHY am made a sandwich" said
young Snobson plaintively, as lady sat
down either side of him in horse-car
Because we are better bred than you
are" said one of the damsels sweetly
and Snobson mustard courage enough to
squeeze out to the platform.
The Mormon Delegate.
Washington Letter to Philadelphia Times
Delegate Cannon, of Utah, seems TO be
very popular with all the members of
fLa Hnusa Of Rnnrasnn tntIras la 1.