, 1880-01-17
DiyerSiticS.

Eve never had IN Opportunity To 'S'' 49,
z;ie OF that Garden Of Eden story.
Il like your impudence, as the young
lady said as her beau up and kissed her.
The only housework that some girls do is
when they begin to dust around after a beau.
Tell woman once that she is pretty, and
the devil Will repeat it to her ten times
day.
The fac. that half barrel of cussedness Is
frequently found in a two-quart boy has
never been explained.
There are two things that fellow can't
do at the same time-hold good-loOking
girl on his lap and not kiss her
Womankind is Ike cider-sweet when
first squeezed, but growing more vinegar
like after laying around a few years.
Anxious paternal: - You are burning
your candle at both ends" Bright boy
"Well, ge. twice as much light, don't l:
4 three hundred pound woman refuses to
he reduced by anti-fat, but the medicine
| men are cheerful and sing, "WeH lank her
by and by.
Speaking of nautical terms, was Noahs
wife his first mate: From HIberaian
standpoint, Ham was all the "mate there
| was III the ark
\ Baltimore girl ate chalk to make her
complexion white, and she succeeded. Peo-
ole who looked into the casket said that her
| face looked ike marble.
Bessie's swinging in the sunlight,
Singing merrily the while,
| And the CLEAN Of her striped stockings
Can be seen about mile.
Sioux City has a grocer named Damhlm
sWhere did you get this butter :: From
the grocer, Danhim, responds the gentle
wife and the husband looks as II ne had
been anticipated
| 4 rirl who can shed three tears at erit-
ical moment, and follow them up with a
| auivering sigh, can marry all around good
| looking blonde who does nothing but Try 10
blush.
| Women are naturally suspicious. You
NAV have got long hair on your shoulder
from holding a six-year old girl, but your
mother.in. law will back your wife IN doubt
inc the statement every time
SirCresswell Cresswell, late divorce Judge,
observed that the feminine petitioners IN
his court nearly always were biue-eyed,
while the naughty respondents almost always
were light gray or black-eyed.
Talk about Massachusetts ''culchah- A
young lady in a history class at Westheid'
told her teacher, ''I have often wanted 10
ask whether Mary, queen OF Scots, and the
| Virgin Mary were one AMI the same person
4 girl came up to heavens gate
| And said, MAY | come In
The good St Peter told her yes,
Ii She were free from SIN.
She told him all that she had done,
The little sins and great,
And Peter, without looking up,
Began to slide the gate
| She reached around to grab her train
st. Peter said: /" / swear
I'll bang the gate in that girl tace'
For she doth bang her hair.
| Ever since the late order of the postmas-
ter-gene-al came out a certain citizen Oh
Detroit has been pondering on how to get
even with the old chap. Yesterday he
struck the idea He entered the post-oince
With a letter or rather an envelope, contain
| ing only blank paper. He wrote the addIess
ON the upper lett hand corner, upset the
envelope and wrote the town, put the county
on the lower left corner, and the state where
the stamp goes. Then he stuck the stamp
in the center Of the envelope, and below II
requested TO have the letter returned 20 mn
after ten days. 1T will come back, ne
explained. ..for there is no party there oy
; this name. III have to pay three cents ioi
sending it 1900 miles, but Uncle sam ma
got to blink his eyes all over this enveiopt
and then return it free When tnis oic
government gets ahead OF me want to kno"
i"