Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1880-11-04
Vol. XVI. Whole No. l345. No. IS.
Twain on the Tariff.
MARX TAKES THE CONNECTICUT STUMP.

|
| The Hartford Republicans had grand
rally last week, at which many speeches
were made. The attraction Of the even
ing was the address of Mark Twain, who
made his initial political speech. 1t had
been announced that it would be devoted
to discussion Of the tariff question, and he
argued, in humorous vein. that Democrat
ie success would result in the adoption of
the Wood tariff bill, and consequently the
North would be relieved Of the distressing
nuisance of factory smoke. This now troub-
les the entire North. The speaker, hitting
at Senator Eaton's practice of literally
quoting statistics, said that the statistics Of
the navy department showed that if factory
smoke could be done away WITH, there
would be saving of $500 900 in wash bills.
The statistics of the interior department
showed that factory smoke causes more
profanity to the square mile than any
known agent except a book agent. The
statistics Of the department of justice show
that, with the departure Of factory smoke,
factory operatives and their families will
have a glorious respite from labor and
holiday with no work and no wages; then
YOU can get man to do odd Jobs for so
cents a day you can in England. Vote
for the Democratic standard bearers-Eng-
lish of Connecticut, English of Indiana and
English on the other side of the water, for
this is an English fight, pure and simple, and
there is nothing else TO IT. 1t is a truth
which We cannot ignore, for it involves our
actual bread and meat, and no amount of
fine talk or cooked-up statistics can take
away from il that stern and ominous fact
In conclusion the speaker illustrated by
fable England's desire for a free trade policy
in this country, and its effect here-a policy
which the Democratic party practically sup
port by advocating tariff for revenue only.
Once there was a community of happy and
prosperous sparrows living in pleasant
wood near a lake In the woods on the
other side Of the lake, lived a community of
cuckoos. You know the grasping and pirat-
ical habits of the cuckoos. Well, these
cuCkoos were always crossing the lake and
irving To get Il chance to lay their eggs in
the sparrows' nests, so that the industrious
sparrows would have to go TO the trouble
and expense of Matching and rearing their
young for them but there was a prohibi-
tory protective tariff which the cuckoos
could not manage to get around. That is to
say, there a family Of eagles living near
the >parrows, and, before the cuckoo could
get in with her eggs, she had to pay high
duty, that Is to say, the eagles ate her up
along with her eggs. That sort of tariff
had the effect Of persuadIng the cuckoos to
stay at home. But by and by certain OF the
sparrows grew discontentcd, and began to
complain. They said The tariff is too
exorbitant, 1t hampers Gus prosperity; what
We need is a tariff for revenue only this
wood is pleasant, but if We had Wood
tariff it would be plcasanter. for then cuck-
oos would come over and eggs would be
ever so much cheaper and plenter than
they are now eggs would be dirt cheap,
aud We should all have just as many as We
wanted"
This idea began to spread around, and
pretty soon more than half Of the sparrows
were enthusiastic over il. SO they went
INTO power at the next election. and the first
thing they did was to go forth in their
strength and disable the eagles, which re-
moved the protective tariff Then they
passed their Wood tariff with great rejoic-
ing. Straightway, sure enough, cuckoos
swarmed over from the other side of the
lake, hocked past the eagles, dismantled the
custom house duty, and laid their eggs in
the sparrows nests. The prophecy had
come true; there was abundance OF eggs
and prodigious prosperity; but things did
not remain so bright The sparrows found
that they had TO hatch out those eggs. a
heavy job but when it was done they had
still heavier job before them, for they had
to feed the little cuckoos as well as their
own little birds, for cuckoo never helps a
cuckoo, only furnishes eggs, that is ALL SO
the poor sparrows had to work double time,
and yet all the real profit went to the cuckoo
tribe, for the little cuckoos were strong and
yoracious and they gobbled nine -tenths of
every bit that came into the nest. Where
fore they waxed stronger day by day, while
the starving little sparrows waxed weaker
and weaker, and at last the natural result
came about. The powerful Young euckoos,
seeing they were boss of the situation,
kicked the young sparrows out Of the nest
and took entire possession. 1t was about
this time that the community of sparrows
rose up as one bird and remarked, We are
but mortal; We are but sparrows and shall
live TO do many unwise things yet, but the
next time anybody beguiles us with a tariff
for revenue only, he will have to get up at a
particularly early hour in the morning