Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1880-03-04
Miseellaneous. q
The Brakeman's Parable.
Through Lines TO Heaven and Else.
where.


Prom the burlington HAwkryc.l
To me comes the brakeman, and seating
himself on the arm of the seat saws Il went
to church YESTERDAY"
Yes" said. with that interested infec-
ton that asks for more. And what church
did YOU attend p
Which do YOU guess" he asked.
Some union mission church p hazard
ed
Nav" he said. Il don't like to run on
these branch roads very much. don't very
often 20 to church. and when do. want to
run ON the main line. where YOUR run is
regular and YOU go on a schedule time and
don't have to wait on connections. don't
like to run on branch. Good enough but
! don't like il.
Episcopal ?" | guessed.
Limited express" he said. all palace
ears. and - extra for seat; fast time. and
only stops at the big stations Nice line,
but too exhaustive for brakeman. All
tram men IN uniform, conductors punch and
lantern silver plated. and no train bows al
lowed. Then the passengers are allowed To
talk back at the conductor; and il makes
them too free and easy No. couldn't
stand the palace cars. Rich road. though
Don't often hear of receiver being appoint
ed ioF Jnat line. Some mighty nice people
travel on ii, too
"Uniyersalis, ?" | guessed
Broad gauge" said the brakeman does
too much complimentary business. Every
body travels on a pass. Conductor doesn't
get fare once in tfty miles. Stops at all
flag stations, and won't run into anything
but union depot. No smoking car on the
train. Train orders are vague, though. and
the rainmen don't get along well with the
passengers. No. don't 90 10 the Cniyer-
salist, though know some awfully good
men who run on that road"
Perhaps YOU went to the Unitarians?
No, | didn't. bh | might have done
worse. Tha, is a mighty good road. well
ballasted with reason, though it runs through
region little bit cold. and there is apt 10
be some ice and snow on the track, but in
case of all accident there is no danger ofup-
setting the, stove and being burnt up; and
there's one good thing about it, the neighbors
are generally ready TO come and help when
YOU do get into trouble. They like to have
| things nice and comfortable in this world.
doing what they think is about right and
taking their chances for the other. They
don't seem TO take much stock in being as
miserable as YOU can here in the hope that
you will be the happier for ii there. They
seem TO think that a mans gong to reap the
same kind of crop that he plants. and that if
he puts in selfish worthless kind of life
on this earth. il amt a-going to come out a
very fine specimen in heaven. Seems TO me
some sense as well as poetry in that, but
was raised an orthodox and 'twouldn't do
for me TO be seen on that train or | might
lose my place on the other line. as there's a
good deal of competition between the two
roads, and our folks are getting afraid OF
losing travel
.Presbyterian ?" asked
Marrow gauge, eh?" said the brakeman,
pretty track, straight as a rule; tunnel
| right through a mountain rather than 90
around it; spirit-level grade; passengers
have TO show their tickets before thay get on
the train. Mighty strict road. but the cars
| are a little narrow; have TO sit one in seat
and no room in the aisle to dance. Then
there's no stop-over tickets allowed ;got to
| go straight through to the station you're
ticketed for, or YOU can't get on at all
When the cars full, no extra coaches; cars
built at the shop to hold Just so many and
nobody else allowed on. But you don't of.
ten hear of an accident on this road. Its
run right up to the rules"
"Maybe you joined the free thinkers?"l
said
| Scrub road" said the brakeman, ''diri
road bed and no ballast; no time card and
no train dispatcher. All trains run wild and
every engineer makes his own time, Just a.
he pleases Smoke if YOU want to; Kind OF
1 ,,laasa r,,A Too siIx
| tracks and every switch wide open all the
time. with the switchman sound asleep and
the target lamp dead out. Get on as YOU
please and get of when you want to. Don't
have to show your tickets, and the conduc-
tor isn't expected to do anything but amuse
the passengers. No, sir. | was offered a
pass. but don't like the line. don't like
20 travel on a line that has no terminus
DO YOU know. sir, asked division super
intendent where that road run to. and he
said he hoped to die if he knew. l asked
him if the general superintendent could
tell me, and he said he didn't believe they
had general superintendent, and If they
had he didn't know any more about the
road than the passengers. asked him who
he reported to, and he said nobody Task
ed conductor who he got his orders from,
and be said he didn't take orders from any
living man or dead ghost. And when
asked the engineer who he got his orders
from, he said he'd like to see anybody give
him orders, he'd run that train to suit him.
>elf or he'd run it into the ditch. Now you
see. sir, I'm railroad man, and don't care
10 run OH road that makes no connections,
runs nowhere and has no superintendent.
1t may be all right, but I've railroaded toe
long to understand it."