South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-02-20

tho owner. on finding it, apologized to
Pat, and said that It was a mistake
"Arrah, my jewel rctorted Pat, at
was q two sided rnistake--you took me
for . thaif. and took you for !. gen.
t:cmau." W
. Jones says it isn't the color Of her
hair that troubles him in choosing a
help-mate. The color of her money Is
what interests him vastly more.
An urchin, who begged a penny of an
old topper In vain, rewarded him with
this advice: Don't you carry that nose
Of your'n near to 10 powder fac'try. or
they might play the hose on to yer"
A little Oil City girl observed her mo.
ther measuring cloth by holding Il ,ip to
her nose with one hand and reaching out
to arms length with the other. She as.
sumed a thoughtful aspect, and, after
cogitating moment, asked How can
you measure cloth that way? Can you
smell yard ~
Ma" said d youngster to his brother
the other day, "why is your cupboard
like vegetable garden 2" Il don't
know, my CHILD; that's more than can
TELL" I'm tell you why, ma. It's be-
cause you have pas nips in it,
The GREAT MAsrER.-s.I am nv own
master ~ cried young man. proudly,
when friend tried 10 persuade him
from an enterprise which he had on
hand; 81 am my own master -
old you ever consider what q respon.
siblc post that is z" asked his friend.
Responsibilities it %
"a master must lay out Che work he
wants done, and see that it is done right.
He should try To- secure the best ends bv
the best means. He must look out a.
gainst obstacles and accidents and watch
that everything goes straight else he
must fall
well"
10 be master of yourself you have
your conscience 10 keep clear. your heart
to cultivate, your temper to govern, your
will 20 direct, and your judgment TO in.
struct. You are master over Lard lot
and if you don't master them they will
master YOU"
That is SO said the young man.
Now, / could undertake no such
thing Said his friend. 81 should fail,
sure. If did. Saul wanted to be his
own master, and failed IIerod did.
Judas did. No man is fit for it. Zone
is my Master, even Christ" work un-
der bis direction He is regular, and
where he is Master all goes right
A young lady who came in last week
TO advertise for kitchen help said with
sigh and ring or her dainty gloyed
hands: oh 1 do hope we'll Get one
soon. For II docs almost breul, my
heart TO sec mother wash dishes. with
ner iheun atism,tco .'--McGregor News.
u being agreed among party of
twelve that disputed question should
be settled by the opinion of the MAORI
ty, the six ladies expressed themselves
opposed to the six gentlemen, and claim.
ell the victory. A gentleman objected
to this, as the number of votes was G.
quail, saying, They are half and half"
True" replied witty fair one, but
we are the better halyes.'
Doctor. "You must drink claret to
build up your system"
Patient. ''Oh, don't ask me to do that.
doctor. ! am wine.merchsnt know
how It's made"
a lady, not accustomed to RAISING
poultry, set ben on some eggs. and in
due course of time brood of chickens
was batched. A friend, coming in
four days af,erward, noticing that the
little things looked quite weak and pu.
ny, asked how often they were fed.
Fed! y was the reply. "why / thought
the hen nursed them"
do not lend your paper and cheat
the printer. People who 10 not pay for
the papers they read have the hardest
Kind o: times trying TO get TO Heaven.
They were sitting silently by the par.
Tor fire, intentiy watching the hands OF
the clock as they slowly crawled around
10 The biggest striking place, when she
suddenly said:
mir. Lourdaud, can you tell me why
you are like century plant?"
mir. l.. nervously adjusted bis eye-
glass, wriggIed about in his chair and
stammered:
"Be-be-caw-caw-cause / sh --sh--
n ii I-l-live for-for-forever."
mo. you Ounce it's because It takes
you so long 10 leave!''
The c1nundrum struck the obtusc
young man with such force that he flew
out Of the front door, and the CHATTER OF
his heels on the pavement sounded like
tho rafting Of a lath on a picket fence
-HackeAsack Republican.
A Boston paper advcrtises for {
bacl elor who is not looking for ricl
widow.
a certain young lady has, among bel
many gallants, an admirer whose atlen.
lions are especially noticeable on ince-
mani dave Sho pollo hin, f,or roir Loo,,