St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1880-08-28
ALL SORTS.

everybody wants them sliol''
The first duel in the United states
was fought at Plymouth, Mass, In loSl'
Funny that the hot weather doesn't n,
come in winter, when ice can De got lol
nothing.-[ Boston Transcript.
Noah made sure of getting some
thing to cat when he took liam ln'o 'no
ark with him.
"A Western paper tells us OF 2 poy
who "peered fatally into the muZzlo u
a shotgun"
Any old bachelor will shrek 1ol t q
better half when a counterfeit h1ty
piece is shaved on him.
An amateur blacksmith concelveu
tho idea of mailing horse shoes on the
hind feet of mule. The mans only sou
now owns the tools.
A boy will think he is killed II askenS
to rock his baby brother, but ne , WI ~ ivvn rn
the hens in the next yard I'LL Ills s@hi
achcs.-[ North American.
Since it has been announced tna5
Tanner will lecture there has Dceh
general regret that his fast was succe1s"
ful.-[N. y. Herald.
They deal directly with tramps IN
Morocco. They are tied to the mouIh
of cannon and doomed into the near
est town of the next world.
-Alluding to Beecher's estimate that
one female house fly will lay 10000 eggs
in a season, the Church Union thin ks "l1
is pity fly couldn't be grated on
hen."
1t was at one of Oil City's hotels that
a man, after vainly trying to comb MS
hair with broken comb, made the sad
remark 81 can not part with thee"
Republican campaign speeches are
so much like the same old story OF pre-
yious years that the party shOuld MIRO
talking machines and save expense.
pity is akin to love- he said, sigh
ingly. eyes, she replied, II am achlng a.,
to be loved, why not pity me n9
pitied, and she now darns ms SOCKS an"
sews the buttons on his shirts anu trou-
sers.
If you are a quiet, honest citizen, how
did these skeleton keys and brass knuck.,
les happen to be in your coat pockets
al reckon, judge, me and the policeman
must have changed coats in the scuftie.
We were very much excited
One OF the managers of hospital
asked an Irish nurse which he consider
ed the most dangerous of the many cases
then in the hospital. That, sir,nn said
| Patrick, as he pointed to case OF sur"
| gical instruments on the table.
"A shrewd farm hand bought for 800
| the big meteor which fell in Emmett
county, Iowa, last year, and was laughed
at by his comrades for what they con-
ceved to DO his idiOcy. lie has now
| ,olI IA bo Pritish Nuconp, for SkSnl
-"Old woman, how do you sell beetsen
asked New Orleans hummer of an old
vegetable woman in the French market
yesterday. Looking at him from head
to foot, she replied: "Ven haf some
IN. O. Times.
An exchange says: "PennsylvaDia
Dutch girls make good preserves" but
it doesn't say how much sugar you take
to pound of Dutch girl, nor how long
You let 'em boil. The recipe for pre-
serving Dutch girls should be published.
I-[Scientitic American.
-"William, thee knows l never call
anybody names; but, William, if the
Mayor of the place were to come to me-
and say, Joshua, want thee to find me-
the biggest liar in all this city, would
come to thee, and put, my hand on thy
shoulder, and say to thee: William, the
Mayor wants to see thee.'"
The flowing reporter who wrote,
with reference to q well known belle:
"Her dainty feet were encased in shoes
that might be taken for fairy boots"
tied his wardrobe up in handkerchief
and left for parts unknown when it ap-
peared in print the next morning: "Her
dirty feet were encaSed in shoes that
might have been taken for ferry boats.s
The judge of court in Rhode Island
has sentenced culprit to twenty five
communicated to the prisoners mother,
who was struck at the magnitude of the
: sentence. "Wllat did they do that for4's
she exclaimed. Twenty y-fye years
Why, he wouldn't be eontented there
, three weeksm I'd
"A wicked boy got into a fight with
his father, and biting off his progenitor's
, nose, swallowed it. He was brought he
fore the police court, his father appear
. ing against him. "This is your SON. ia
t he 2" asked the Judge. "I am sorry to
y say he is" 81 think l detect some re-
: semhlance," said the judge. "Yes,n re-
, piled the father, mournfully, "he has nv
nose.'
l She swung on one side of the gate,
hc on the other. He weighed ITO; she
! pulled Fairbanks to the tune of 1876. He
!; gaZed on her face and said: "My dear
q seraphic Angela, will love you always
5 | dream of you when the night wind
s whispers to the murmuring leaves, when
- a crash was heard and the next in
II slant the gate, as well as his "seraphic
! Angela" pinned him to the ground and
terminated the flow of sentiment.
d You CAN'T Do IT.-You can't get naif
?. for what you have not done. You cant
II build up reputation by loafng around
|f the streets and being setter in a saloon
You can't satisfy thirst and keen off thu
e headache by drinking too much liquor
= You can't get rich by squandering
IS These and thousand other little thing,
y are "agin nature and can't be did, AMI
x the sooner you settle your mind to til,
st fact the better.
;s -"William, oyou know why Won ar,
,r p like a donkey ?" "Like donkey 2
'e mo, don't" 'Do you give i've iyuS + nn W'us y :.
borness ITSELF "That's not 1,a bad i S1ao Hs
er ha FL !, g.ye I'VE, t1at to J, my wife when &c
II down to supper, do you know why
If am like donkey?' He waited mo
u, 70 ment, expecting his wife to give it ur
w. ~ But she didn't. She looked at him some
. what commiseratingly as she answered
II 81 suppose because you were born so.n
ID The editor of the Port Plain Regis
ce ter has his office and residence connect