Connecticut western news., 1880-04-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

DdlSS her HUT, dlO WuSu Suo WuheS W be ugly she bangs the door.
 MRS. GAINES is evidently recovering her health. She has started another suit against the city of New Orleans.
 CATS probably enjoy nine lives from the fact that they observe the prime law of health in keeping their paws open.
 IF YOU can't run fast enough to be one of the winners at the last you can at least run wisely enough to keep out of peoples way.
 HE WAS in the Legislature one year, believe; but I wouldn't say anything about that. Otherwise his life was free | from blot"
 EDISON replies: "Wait." That's poor consolation for the man whose gas meter is turning itself inside out ill favor of the company.
 An EXCHANGE says that Boston wo- men yell the loudest ct sight of rat, v but New York girls jump the highest, so l the honors are even.
 THE clothing man who put it off Lost money on his collars, But he who advertised in time Made $50,000.
 BE1vA LOCKWOOD, says the Picdyufae, is very kind-hearted, and when she sees | poor sick woman iu Washington she always inquiries, Have you Ben Hill, 1 dear ?"
 IT IS against the laws of Wisconsin for any druggist to offer for sale any bears oil not made from bear. They think great deal of the top of their heads out that way.
 FROM THE German A-"I once had dog who could always tell rascals from honest men," B." Well what became of him ?" A-"I had to give him away; | he bit me-"
 "IF. YOU grasp rattlesnake firmly about the neck he cannot strike you, :" says Western paper. There is now no excuse for any ones being bitten by these serpents.
 A CA1FoRNIAN's matrimonial adver- tisement winds up as follows Fortune no object, but should require the gals relations to deposit $1 300 with me as security for her good behavior"
 IF YOU could only persuade yourself to be glad that things are no worse, in stead of grumbling that they are as bad as they are, you would materially in- crease the possibilities of happiness.
 WHEN Christiancy was married he was so nervous that the clergyman had to help him to put the ring on the brides l finger. Doubtless he has often wished that he had given it up as task beyond his abilities.
 IF YOU will settle down to the fact that success is hard to win, and then train your muscles to the work, you will get on far better than by regarding yourself as an unappreciated genius whom a cold world neglects.
 IN SPEAKING of the poem, "I sat alone with my conscience" the Cleve- | land Vo5ce says {" If some men Tn thus world sat alone with their conscience we can't for the life of us imagine how they could be more solitary"
 HE ENTERED the grocery store and said l not word, but allowed his cane to swing to and fro exactly as the pendulum of, clock The grocer said, "We sell noth- ing on tick" and the man with the cane passed sadly and silently out. LoNaFE11ow enjoys telling at his own expense the story that an Englishman strolled into his Cambridge home one summer day, saying, As-ah-there IS -ah-no old ruins in this blarsted coun- try, I thought I'd come to see you. THIEF before the severe judge "What @ disgrace {! Are you not ashamed, an old man like you, to be brought here ac- | cused of theft ?" "Pardon me, Your Honor; do not upbraid me undeserved- | ly. began stealing when l was very young." "GooD morning, James; fine day" "Yes; person feels good after his bath on such a morning." "Ye-yes." "I take bath all over every morning now" "Cold water?" "No; air temperature, always" "When did you commence?" This morning.
 A LITTLE girl once said that she would be very glad to go to heaven because they had plenty of preserves there. On being cross-examined she took down her catechism and triumphantly read: 'tWhy ought the saints to love God?" Answer Because he makes, preserves and keefs them.'
 HERE IS small triumph for MT. Dar- win: "Why, my dear, :" said lady to her friend, "where did you get that beautiful monkey? ?" "Oh." was the reply, "My husband travels great deal, you know, and he gave me the monkey that might not forget him in his ab- sence"
 THIS SHORT prayer from the Italian may find responsive minds in any cline: "I pray that may never be married. But if I marry, I pray that I may not be deceived. But if am deceived, pray that may not know of it. But if I know of it, pray that I may be able to laugh at the whole affair."" | WHEN certain man had been made Justice of the Peace in Q WestShester county town, at the recent election, he bought his wife new hat. She, proud of her fnery, and full of her Husbands new honors, entered church last Sunday, just as the congregation rose to their feet to hear the gospel read. She think 1 ing this was done out of respect to her,