The Portland daily press., 1880-07-30
The Butcher Cart.
Some Observations on the Wild and Err
ratio Course of this Instrument of Death.
IN. Y. Mail.l

y
respondent borrows the editorial pen and for
mulates his complaints about the reckless To-
comotion of the tire-engine. How is it that
nobody ever complains about the butcher cart?
1t must be because the man who writes for the
papers, mases a god of his belly, and would
rather see the whole city burned to the
ground than lose single dinner. Yet the
fre-engine whirls through the street ON most
benefcent errand, and we may we'll allow it to
knock over a casual old gentleman's f'tene-
ment of clay in order that millions of dollars
worth of more valuable and ornamental tene-
ments may be kept standing. We ought also
to be glad to sacrifice something of life and
comfort to the perpetuation of the only thing
we possess to remind us of what a city govern
ment is intended to be. Moreover, the fire.
engine comes along only at respectable inter-
walls, and while it now and then knocks a
man down, it does not kill oneimuch oftener
than Paris journalist
Compare with this record that of the vicious
little bob-tailed butcher cart. 1t sweeps over
the whole city every hour in the day, imperil-
ing the life of each inhabitant, while it fulfils
the trivial mission of carrying few lamb
q
starving family. For it is a curious fact that
the people who are in pressing need of food
are always served on foot, either by themselves
or others. This is doubtless the result of ex-
perience, it being we'll known that this cart,
with all it's velocity, never serves anybody
promptly. While it flies spasmodically hither
and thither through the streets, the affairs of
hundreds of fashionable kitchens are at a
stand-still because it does not arrive. All
cooks call down curses upon it, and there is no
other institution against which they manifest
such open antagonism. Thus its rapid transit
fails of its object, and is altogether superhuous.
Moreover, in many instances, as when the
cargo consists Of cucumbers the butcher-cart
is simply carrying doctors bills and death,
and such hot haste in the delivery is as indie
cent as to trot your horses in q funeral process
sion. And, despite its more dangerous charac-
ter, it carries no gong to give timely warning
of its approach, as does the sedate fire engine.
1t furnishes only demoniacal yell from the
driver, which is merely designed to paralyze
you so that you may be run over without oppo-
sition. Its shoct-waisted, two-wheeled forma-
tion gives it an agility possessed by no other
wagon, and If it once sets its heart upon you
ehOtO 10 hO ucO IA VI lying W ESCAPE lTOm IL. lb
is always painted of some sanguinary color,
and the sparks which fly from its wheels make
the Goals dropped by the fire engine look pale.
Most of the cases of mysterious disappear
ance' In large city are murders by this
vehicle; for when it runs over a person il
makes such sausage-meat of him that nobody
but butcher could differentiate the remains
from those OF q dog or a cat, and it is plainly
against his interest to do so.
The presiding genius and motive force of
nQ m Oar 10 fhn hub hnxr IA e,
notorious that all butchers horses are shabby
looking creatures, and yet where else shall we
look for such speed? 1t must be in the boy;
and any person who is enticed to buy trotter
at bargain, from one of these carts, will in
evitaby be swindled unless he also buys the
driver. The butcher boy knows only two gaits
the area gate and dead run. Nobody ever
saw him on walk or slow trot. You always
know when he enters your house by the ter
rifle noise below stairs, for no other visitor,
except tornado, eXcites any such cOmmo-
tion. He rushes out the basement door, fol-
lowed by various missiles thrown at him by the
cook, and with all the domestic dogs clinging
to his coat tails or barking at his heels. He
jumps for his cart, preceded by shower of
empty baskets, and before you can see whether
he has secured footing or not he is quarter
OF mile away. You can never tell which
way he is going to turn. Ordinary drivers
show something by the appearance of their
faces, but this one never. He is actually eat
throwing kisses to servant girls, lashing the
horses and yelling at pedestrians, all at the
same time. Occasionally he has companion
on the seat with him to do the shouting .and
potato-throwing and to take charge Of his
chewing tobacco, while he himself gives his
entire attention to the driving. We defy any,
body to calculate his orbit. Often when he
appears to be receding from you, a different
angle Of vision shows that he is really coming
toward you with frightful velocity. He never
turns corner like anybody else, but always in
some erratic and destructive way He comes
tearing through the street with every indica-
tion OF taking the corner to the right and then
makes most sudden and alarming swoop in
the contrary direction, demolishing everything
in his path. Sometimes you happen to be
dropping letter into mail box, when you
feel a sudden rush of cold air, the box vanishes
and you find that the butcher boy has just
driven by and peeled it from the lamp post.
The butcher boy has ruddy cheeks, a merry
face and a bull neck. He wears a large apron
to prevent his clothes from being spattered by
the blood OF the people whom he runs over in
his daily rounds. Usually he wears top boots
to keep his legs from being bitten by the dogs
say that his clothes are padded throughout, so
that he may not be injured by the sticks and
pokers with which the cooks pound him in
every kitchen he visits. He has powerful
arms to resist the strong and to bully the weak.
His yell is like a wild Indians. When he
He must leave it,. also, if he marries, for no
loving wife will consent to see her husband
leading such wild and stormy life. What
becomes of him at last is not known. An old
butcher boy is never seen and nobody ever
heard of one being sick or dying
As you lie in bed these summer mornings
you will hear through the open windows what
we classic authors call 1.-The roar of the great
city" You will distinguish dull, monoto-
nous undertone with occasional great waves of
sound rising above it, like the breaker dashipg
on the seashore or the wind sweeping through
the forest. These latter are the waves of
butcher carts surging up and down the avenue
AS you listen to them be reminded of your
mortality and reflect that the sooner you arise
the poorer are your chances of living through
the day!
Almost all our remarks about the butcher
carts apply equally to ice wagons; but we, too,
have our weaknesses, and the ice wagons come
so near to summer drinks that they must not
be disturbed.