The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-08-14
THE TRAVELLING TYRANT.

and IN the discharge Thereon ne displays
an unwearied assiduity which has made
countless thousands swear.
Every sleeging-car is nominally in
charge Of special conductor, gor-
geous being, with an ornamentcd cap,
who disappears from view when the train
starts and is not seen again until morn
ing. The real despot Of the sleeping
car is the colored porter, who, as soon as
the conductor has gone into another car
to m7ke himself comfortable, assumes
unlimited authority. The moment it is
dark, lac puts his passengers to bed
No matter how anxious traveller may
be to sit up until 10 o'clock in order to
pursue an innocent conversation with
young lady, the porter approaches him
at s O'Clock and remarks: awe want
to take up the beds now, sab !" With
the abjectness of spirit characteristic OF
American travellers, the unfortunate man
never dreams Of disputing the portcr'S
authority, but promptly rises and bal
anccs himself uneasily against 4 neigh
boring berth while his bed is put in order.
The object OF the porter in thus rcquir-
ing his passengers TO so TO bed at s
O'Clock is readily perceived. The soon
or they are out of the way the sooner he
can go to bed himself. VIVA, to him is
the wall Of the wrctchcd traveller who is
thrust into sitting berth hours before
he can by any possibility go to sleep?
What cares he for the disappointment
of the young man and the young wo-
man who had expected to enjoy each
others society during the evening"? He
knows that il he orders the passengers
to go 10 bed they will not dare to DISC
hey him, and his own personal comfort
is the only object which is dear to him.
As soon rs the passengers are in bed
the porter takes away their shoes, no,
necessarily with 4 view to backing them,
but rs guarantee that they will no,
venture to get out of bed without per-
mission. These shoes lie takes To his
private den 1T the end of the car. where
he spends little time in mixing them,
and then prepares for sleep. As rule,
the porter does not snorc, because he
holds that the duty of snoring properly
belongs to the passengers. II, however,
as sometimes happens, no passenger vol
untcers to snorc, the porter demonstrates
the fearful power of the African nose by
snoring with sustained vigor that no
ordinary travelling nose can hope to en-
ulate. Before going to sleep the porter
has, OF course, closed all the ventilators
il it is summer, and stirred up the fires
if.r ts winter, thus making sure that his
victims shall suffer from heat and gain
as little sleep as possible for their money.
What with the heat and the noise the
passengers rarely manage to fall asleep
before /, O'Clock, by which time the
porter, refreshed by his nap, rouses him
self and begins his midnight round
He stops ut every berth. and, shaking
the sleeping passenger, wakes him up to
ask him, "Was it you sab, that was want
ing to get out here ?" OF course no
one wants to get out, as the porter per-
fectly well knows, but it is a part of his
ficndish system to wake every body at
midnight, and thus prevent them from
forgetting their miseries in sleep.
When his midnight round is finished
the porter returns to his den and takes
sound nap. Long experience has
taught him that passenger who is
walked up at midnight will fall asleep
again at about J o'clock 4. IN. Accord
ingly he sleeps until nearly 4 O'Clock,
when he begins with malignant delight
the process of getting his passengers out
Of bed. He informs every one that
"We're most there, sah," without at
taching the slightest meaning to the
word ''thcre," and then, "Wc'rc want
ing to put them beds away now, sab"
The meek passenger, believing that he
must be on the point of arriving At the
station where breakfast is to be had,
dresses hurricdly, spends half an hour in
a general shoe exchange with his fellow
travellers, and then finds that he has at
least three long hours to wait before he
can have any breakfast. At this point
he generally loses his patience and uses
language in regard to sleeping-car por-
tiers which can not be defended by
austcre moralists; but, nevertheless,
when the porter comes to him and de-
mands fifty cents for having mixed the
shoes, he pays him without daring to
hint that he deserves the most ingenious
death that the ablest inquisitor ever in
vented.
In no other country would the trav-
eler meekly lie down and let the sleep
ing-car porter roll the wheels Of his car
over his PROSTATE neck. ltwould be easy
to overthrow the tyrant. What would be
simpler than for band Of determined
passengers to seize the porter on his first
intimation that they must go to bed, and
to place him gagged and bound in the
wood-boxl Whenever a passenger should
desire to have his bed made, the porter
might be released long enough to per-
form that duty. He might be kept Sc
curely confined during the night, but
the better course would be TO drop him
off the rear platform rs soon rs the last
bed is made. This would render il GER
tain that he would not make his mid
night round and that the passengers
would be able to sleep unmolested until
a reasonable hour in the morning. A
few years ago brave Texan who had
suffered much in sleeping-cars warned a
porter not to make up the beds at eight
o'clock. The potter paid no attention
to his demand, but when, an hour later,
the noble Texan dissectcd him with a
bowie-knife and put specimen Of him
in every berth, the wretch began to pre-.
ccive the error ofh ways. There would
be obvious inconvenience in initiating
the Texans example, but it is mere non
sense to pretend that thirty strong and
determined passengers can not at any
time fhrnw off the woke of a slceninp-car