The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-08-28
VARIETY.

When lie is exploded there are enough peo-
pie to go around and pick up the pieces.
All animals, says a sportsman, dislike to have
anything pointed at them.
The fearful hot weather annihiates all enmities
AEd makes everybody wish to be cast in the
shade.
AZ Good morning. Mr.. Brown. you're FIRST at
last you used to be behind before, but / notice
you have been carly Of late"
"a Presidential candidates have as many lives as
cat, or will have before all their biographers
gsi through.
This country offers every opportunity for the
humblest to succeed IN business. It's very easy
for porter to become an exporter.
There are men who don't know their good for
tune L" don't mine" says c., Z" wish some
body would introduce u.s."
For every man who can fast for ten days, there
t.are n fbousand men who can stow away ten days
provisions In one
Milton was asked IL he intended to instruct his
daughter in the different languages, to which he
replied; " No, sir One tongue is sufficient for
q woman ~
man in Chicago makes living by search
ing the streets for lost articles. If he would
4onIy come here and find some mems consciences
he would be literally rewarded by a grateful
people.
= Robinson (after a long whist bout ut the clubl
s. Its awfully late, Brown What will you
eay to your wife2" Brown Tin a Whizper)-
N Oh, shan't say much, you know; Good
morning, dear or something Of that sort She'll
pay the rest"
The college graduate is hanging about the
butter edges Of journalism, waiting for a chance
to Jump clear into the middle OF it and astonish
Ing the world, and when he does get the chance
be is sent around to the police Office 10 see how
many Z" drunks " have been sent in.
The latest from logic class: Prolessor-Miss
L., give me an example Of a true conclusion
frawn from two false premises. Miss C.-Logic
q an easy study that's false. / don't like easy
tudies that's false. I don't like logic; that's
rue Class Is dismissed.
n An old lady heard one of her daughter-in-law's
eallers say: a. My father was an amoIdexter-
After the visitors departure the listener expressed
Der Indignation by saying: '' That stuck-up
kurzy was lying all the time. 1 knew her
hther year in and out, and his name was
Smith,
Last Thursday young lady slipped on q
banana peel while coming down the City Hall
steps, and was stood upon her head for one con-
eecutive minute in the most startling manner
possible. AS there were numerous bystauders,
Ind she had on everyday stockings. she 10 now
suing the corporation for one million dollars
damages
Since DIR. Tanner began his fast we have seen
accounts OF at least a score Of persons who have
gone through the forty-day ordeal with more or
Jess aattering results. The way of the world is
first 70 say a thing is impossible, and then to
turn about, when that thing Is done, and tell oil
bshe hundred and one times it has been done be-
sfore Which ID why we remark that example
bf DIR. Tanner has brought to the surface OF cur
fens memory a vast array Of notable fasters or a
past array of notable liars.
She stood in The effulgent light of a short tai
low dip, waiting for him at the front door at 1
h. m. He came. He was husky. She did Mt
mind that. He was drunk-she was used to It,
h Jim, - she said softly, knocking him down 50
|as to drag him to bed easier, " Jim, did you
vOtef'' Yes, love- poll didn' close till jest now
Is Where's the money! WHAT ''n' " Inc
money. - IS Ny dear L don't understand: did
OF ttev nav YOU for your vote? " {" No." She
looked at him with a bOa-constrictoE tickle in
her eve .sIt's time women bad the franchise,
she nuttered, 81 the men amt up TO 1t" Then
she rolled him under the bed to be out OF the
way, and in the morning she got him into an
asyium under the new Punch and Judycature
act a. He gave his vote for nothing. she said
to the magistrate. 50 Dangerous lunatic. wrote
his worship aud at the next election there was q
voter short London Referee.