davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Wouldn't Commit Himself.

\ woman was yesterday looking
around the ferry docks as if in search of
some one she knew, and she finally ac-
costed an old lake captain with the
query:
''Sir, are you a sailor? p
q have sailed" he replied.
''There has been a great gale on the
lakes ?"
''Maybe there has. | know there has
been one on land"
You see, L have son on 4 schoon-
er."
Yes, maybe you have"
"And I'm afraid he was out in the
storm"
IF you have a son on a schooner, and
the schooner was out in the storm, 1t Is
likely your son was out, too
do you think there was any dam
ger?"
II cant't really say
But it blew terribly hard"
perhaps it did, madam; but, as [
was PLAYING checkers most of the time,
l can't say how hard it blew"
IF the schooner went down my son
went down, too, didn't be ?"
maybe so and maybe not. /
wouldn't like to give an opinion about
that. Some sons go down with schoon-
ers and some don't.
you haven't heard that the Daisy
was lost, have you"
Il shouldn't like to say / had or
hadn't, but probably haven't"
I'D hear by tomorrow if she had,
wouldn't l."
''You might, and you might not
When she had gone an acquaintance
who had overheard the conversation ask
ed the captain why he didn't give direct
answers. The old man drew himself up
an inch or two and replied:
''Twenty-eight years ago ] had an
opinion to advance on almost any sub
ject. One night the mate of my bark
said that we were running her ashore on
Long Point. | stuck to it that it was
only a fog-bank. In fifteen minutes she
was high and dry, and l was SIS, 900
out of my pocket. Since then what |
do know-I keep to hedge on, and what
l don't know l keep locked up in my
clam-shell until | can strike a rising
market. Detroit Press.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
The Bashful Young Man and the
Maiden.

Not many miles from San Juan-not more
than tifteen-resides young farmer who Is
not over twenty-five years of age. He has
considerable Of the requisite-the coin. Up
to within very short time he had led a very
lonely life, but, thanks TO the year 1880,
which has proved his salvation, young lady
lady has proposed to him and he is now en-
joying her society as his wife. The young
man had every qualification for gsod bus
mess man, but, notwithstanding all this,
was extremely bashful and blushed clear to
his ears every time he caught sight of
young lady. Moreover he imagined he was
a fright to behold, and no girl would conde,
scend to look with favor upon him. In fact
it was his opinion that he was destined to
lead life of single blessedness all the days
he might wander about on this terrestrial
sphere. One day, however, he stopped at
the house where resided lovely girl. She
had seen how shy he was on every occasion,
and became infatuated with the peddler of
apples and garden truck, and was determin-
ed that the ice should be broken, as leap
year had arrived, which gave her every
privilege in this particular granted to the
sterner sex. The young lady, therefore,
walked up to him, as he stood by the we'll
and calling the young man by his given
name asked him why he did not get mar
ried. He replied with characteristic nones-
TEEN that he didn't think there was anybody
who would have him. "Why," replied the
young lady with great fervency, "Why l
wild have you" The young man turned
red and stammered by turns, but finally he
did manage to tell her "All right" Arrange
ments were made at once for the marriage
ceremony, and in less than a week they
were living together as man and wife, hap
py as birds in a nest.-San Juan (CaD In
dependent.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Josh Billings on Marriage.

By awl means Joe get married, ifyou hav
fair show. Don't stand shivering on the
bank, but pitch rite in and stick your head
under and shiver it out. Thar amt any
more trick in getting married than there is
in eating peanuts. Many a man has stood
shivering on the shore until the river run
out. Don't expect to marry an angel, they
have been all picked up long ago. Remem-
Der, Joe, yon hain't a saint yourself Do
not marry for beauty exclusive; beauty is
like ice, awfully slippery and thaws dread
fully easy. Don't marry for luv, neither;
luv is like a cooking-stove, good for nothing
when the fuel gives out. But let the mix
ture be some beauty, becomingly dressed,
with about $3.50 in her pocket, gud spell
ler, handy and neat in her house, plenty of
good sense, tuff constitution and bylaws,
small feet, light step; add to this sound
teeth and a warm heart. The mixture will
keep in any climate and will not eyaPorate;;
Don't marry for pedigree unless its backed
by .bank-notes. 4 family with nothing but
pedigree generally lacks sense.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
MARCH OF THE DEATHLEss DEAD.
By FArHER A. J. RYAN.

BY FATHER A. J. RYAN.
Gather the sacred dust
Of the warriors tried and true
Who bore the flag ofour peoples trust
And fell in cause, though lost still just,
And died for me and you.
| Gather them one and al
From the Private to the Chief
Tome they from howell or princely hall:
They fell for US, and for Them should fall
The tears Of Nations grief.
Gather the corpses .trewn
Ger many a battle plain,
From many grave that lies so lone,
Without name and without a stone,
Gather the Southern slain.
We care not whence they came.
Dear in their lifeless clayi
Whether unknown, or known TO fame,
Their cause and country still the same.
They died-aud wore the Gray.
Wherever the brave have died, d
They should not rest apart;
Living they struggled side by side
Why should the hand Of Death divide
A single heart from heart.
Gather their scattered clay,
Wherever il may rest;
Just as they marched to the bloody fray;
just as they fell on the battle day
Bury them breast to breast.
The foeman need not dread
This gathering of the brave;
Without sword or flag, and with soundles
tread,
We muster once more our deathle.s dead
Out of each lonely grave.
The foeman need not flown,
They all are powerless now
We gather them here and we lay them down,
And tears and prayers are the only crown
We bring TO wreathe each brow.
And the dead thus meet the dead,
While the living Ger them weep;
And the men by Lee and Stonewall led,
And the hearts that once together bled,
Together still shall sleep.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Uncle Ike Converted by Moody and
Sankey.
y. o. Picayune. !

y. .. Picayune.
Uncle Ike entered the office the other
day singing:
There are ninety and nine that safely Law
In the shelter Of the fold
But one was out on the hills away
Far of from the gates Of gold"
''You must have been converted. Uncle
Ike, We said as he finished the last line
Yes, boss, Is been 'verted by dem GEM
men dat preech'd de udder day at de Chris
ten 'Sociation.'
You went to hear Moody and Sankey,
then ~
Yes, sab, I'll tell you how it vus l wus
gwine long Camp street, and when I got
nigh de Chrlsten 'Sociation my 'tention wus
traeted by de Sweetes singin' | ebber heerd
IN all my life befo'. | wus jus rooted ter de
spot an | couldn't mobe an inch | didn't
kno' what wus gwine on, but dat music
led on an / foller'd de masses As | 'cend>
ed de stairs dat music rose so sof' an sweet
'pon de air dat | really fought it wus de
voices ob de angels, an dat | wus 'cendin'
de golden stairs dat lead to de gates oh
Heaben. When | got in dat meetin'
room jined in de korus, an when we got
tru wild de singin', de udder gemman, Mas a
Moody, rose up an preech'd ter de people
Sich preechin' / nebber lis'en'd ter in all
my born day De presShus words ob God
jus fell from dat mans lips as clar an
sweet as de water from out de mountains ob
ole Virginny. When he spok' ob de grea
lub mudder had for her chile, an said dat
Jesus had eben greater lub for all sinners,
de tears riz up in my ole eyes an as | wiped
dem away, l looked up an seed de light ob
Heaben shinin' crar fru de roof. l was
sabed. l kno' l was sabed, kase when lef'
dat place | felt ten yeahs younger den did
when l went in dar. l jus 'termined ter
lead better life dan l has bin doin'. De
ole 'oman is a stric' membah OBJ de chu'ch,
an when l got home an toP her ob my YER
sion, she wus so oberoyed dat she fru her
arms 'roun' my neck an JUS wep' like
little chile. Yes, boss, Is got 'ligion for de
fus' time in my life, an eff God spar's me
Pm gwine ter jine de chu'ch mex Sunday"
When Uncle Ike finished he picked up
his bucket and left the office, singing the
naNt Nersa of .. y inetN and Vine y
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Returning Fashions.
THE COSTUMES OF OUR GRANDMoTHERs
REPRODUCED.

CasselFs Magazine.
Glancing at the fashion books Of fifty
and even seventy years ago it Is curious to
note how in many points we are returning to
the modes then in vogue. Nothing but
short dresses were to be seen a half century
ago; the skirts were just long enough to
show the shoes and boots, and were trimmed
with satin rouleaux and bias folds. The
fashionable coIors were Christmas holly
green, scarlet, pink, clarence blue, giraffe
yellow, pOnceau, camel's hair brown, Indian
red, cameleOpard yellow mocassa brown,
apricot, olive, peau de serpent, burrage blue,
Egyptian sand, Indian red and violet shot
with bottle green-for shot silks were COM
ing IN then, as they are with US now. The
January of 1928 was particularly damp and
cold and silk and satin pelisses were the
rage, but, like short Princesse dresses, reach
ing to the hem, with a lace cape over the
shoulders. These pelisses were also worn in
evening, cut low in the neck, and showed
robings of white satin in front. Shawls and
scarf shawls were coming in also and feath-
er trimmings found special favor. The
hats worn were large, and dress hats were
adopted with full evening dress, made of
satin and gauze, with blonde lappets and
plumes of ostrich or marabout feathers or
floral wreaths birds of paradise being ar
ranged inside and out. They were placed
far hack on the head. 1t is to be hoped
that we shall not re-adopt anything so start
ling as hat of paradise yellow, lined with
crimson velvet, trimmed with white puff
fings and yellow ribbon, brocaded black, as
worn by belle of that day, There is much
to learn in avoiding past follies, Our dress
es have of late clung closely to the figure,
but have never as yet attained the scanti-
ness of those times The skirts were always
scanty as well as short, and trimmed often
with one or two gathered ftounces, scalloped
to the edge, surmounted by one or two rows
of straight satin rouleaux; the bodices full
and banded, the sleeves large and puffed.
Such bodices and pufed sleeves are coming
in again, as well as short dresses for evening,
which may, and very likely will, resolve
peIiSSeS
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
THE FASHIONS.
New York San

New York san.
Waistcoat> are going gout of vogue.
! Ok blood is 4 new rich shade Of red.
Colored buntinge viii again be worn.
Sliding rings on para,ols are revived.
The Jersey costume has kiIt-plaitcd
skirt.
Seed pearl cmbroidcrics are very
fashionable.
| NIitts will be more worn this summer
than ever.
Hats as rule are large and turned
up ut one side.
Shirred trimmings are more fashion,
able than ever.
Capote bonnets with rrouudiug brius
are tavorites.
unlooped boN-plcatcd black drapcrie4
are much worn.
\ pair Of handsome black ChauuIIy
lace mitts cost S25.
Ostrich feather fans Will bc The high
novelty Of the summer.
The Jersey costumes improved by
Worth are laced in the back.
Figured foulard rivals red satin as
an enlivener of sobercolorcd costumes.
Mock pearls are very fashionable, but
they must be Of very small size to look
real.
orJe.l., nm. .I
i'i.i,'Sl-'9'.l,i NJ 'ioH ''l'.Il,Is' WIN
revided.
I-..-u
1elS I SIlia5I Iul,'7 on lnI ool'oul "i
dressy effect.
Tho s,,alI ..a I'll .r.l..,.. .,,......, I,,..
ON the LnaJ 'ia h,oo';, ,'' w. "',, l ~" w. ,, ,9
young ladies.
A o-re.t deoI az i.t o,,l ..,lor.d bs,J
am hroidcrioy a,,,,a,, -, '''f f'II-Jrnyy .rln-
mer toilets.
Malice loo ,n;tt. fn. ,. coI,,y.l,-
oro i,,,1,ort,d fn,l, Nil, f,,. inlno,.
wear for ladies.
cnoo, H. LIN. :..t.. ....,.,...,
al ;tL Il'5 Dip; 'eN,'T' W ia ',','.
n,,,ob -, l,.o.,i ~, ~ W ''''0 '''''
yvL;4, ..l..I .I.......
" ~ A'to anu yiea'''-''''oiS" .'i''''' ''1"
10 ioctot Itio nlllGIlal nI lor '"'l'Ic se'7''''
J''on''s anu "'aI'S
Iicbf t;I't CO. .''G ,,o,'i'''' J,'''' I.I o'
49,, aaJ -. 80 '''i,''''''' 'o'i io' Jul
~ '''''' i'''''0i veal
Wood colors appear IN all kinds of
also in not and lace. ,nitt-
W hitJ chuG'l4 clolh7' Whie nun
cl1tI' "IitG clalie ana "hIle peIeSe
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
UNCoNsIDERED TRIPLES.

The Cats Ajar-Miss Elizabeth Stuart
Phelphs has badly spaained ankle.
An English traveller in the Holy land, it
is said, has discovered Jacobs well. There
has been a rumor afoat that Jacob was
dead.
\ narrow escape-A ire-ladder.
A husband telephoned to his wife; "What
have you for breakfast, and how is the baby?''
The answer came: "Buckwheat cakes and
measles"
The Arab who invented alcohol died 900
years ago, but his spirit still lives.
Let me see your paper moment, dearT'
Husband: eyes, as soon as we get to the
tunnell"
A clergyman named Hoyle was so indis-
Greet as to register his name at a hotel in
Omaha. Within half an hour no fewer
than four persons sent to his room to ascer-
tain if flush royal couldn't beat four aces.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Two MAY DAYS

In the far northern forest row
The mosses sparkle with the dew.
And Erayly lifting 90 the light
The bare stems IL, the sunshine through
The crow flaps heavily away
A cold wind blows before iheuizLt.
Only the MAY towers spicy scent
i 20 that northern forest leLt
The darling OF its frosty hour.
As II snowflake turned flower.
But here, where from amlrhtv heav.
The strong sun falls On radiant dove 60
Here. in those deep Virginia woods.
The whole world h'usbes into f.vtrs.
Magnolias drlt. their early bloom.
The red bud lights the sal..ics.
The creamy doEwoad bows ai lsv.
4 press OF mo1uheaus stretch away
luto the dusk, and round me close
Pausy and violet rue and rHsr
And vet, So strange the beating heart,
50 strange, SO dark, $50 Hle-r ut things
Thrilling thc pulses with the stir
And bubble OF mysterious springs.
That not 80 pleasant these warm airs
This darling cloud OF shining winds.
Nor the red lilies sudden blaze
In fire and sweetness round my WAYS
As that gray northern forest seems.
Starting % life in homesIck dreams.
Il Philadelphia Times
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Death of Prince Albert.

The Queen had retired for a little to the
adjoining room, but hearing the Prince =
breathing becoming verse, she returned to
the sick chamber. She found the Prince
bathed in perspiratiou, which the doctors
said might be an effort of nature to throw
off the fever Bending over him, she whis-
pered "Es ist kleiues frauchen" {" lis
your own little wife ~ and he bowed his
head and kissed her 4 this time he seemed
half doing, quite calm and only wishing to
be left quiet and undisturbed, 9 as he used
10 be when tired and not we'll Again, As
the evening advanced, Her Majesty retired
to give way to her grief in the adjoining
room.
She had not long been gone when a rapid
change set in, and the Princess Alice was
requested by Sir James Clarke 10 ask Her
Majesty to return. The import of the sum
mons WAS too plain. When the Queen en-
tered she took the Princes hand, (which
was already cold, though the breathing was
quite gentle" and knet down by his side
On the other side of the bed was the Princess
Alice, while at its foot kneit the Prince of
Wales and Princess Helena. Not far from
the foot Of the bed were Prince Ernest Lem
ington, the physicians, and the Princes
valet, Lohlein. General the Hon. Robert
Bruce knelt opposite to the Queen, and the
Dean of Windsor, Sir Charles Phipps, and
General Grey were also in the room. In the
solemn hush of that mournful chamber
there was such grief rs has rarely hallowed
any deathbed.
4 great light, which had blessed the
world. aud which the mourners had but
yesterday hoped might long bless it, was
waning fast away. A husband, a father, a
friend a master, endeared by every quality
by which man in such relations can win
the love Of his fellow~man, was passing into
: 1 h. oil
wise counsels, his firm, manly thought
should be known among men no more. The
castle clock chimed the third quarter after
10. Calm aud peaceful grew the beloved
form; the features settled into the beauty
of a perfectly serene repose; two or three
long, but gentle, breaths were drawn, and
the great soul had fled, to seek n nobler
scope for the aspirations in the world within
the veil, for which it had often yearned,
where there is rest for the weary, and
where a" the spirits of the just are made
perfect"- Martin.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Why He Named His Child Judas Is.
CARROT

Only wife hez jes' presented me wild d,
| fines boy in dis country said Black Bill
entering a Little Rock magistrates office
taking off his hat and singing perspiration
from his brow with a crooked forefinger.
"Ias, gen'elmen," he went on, ode fines
chile l eber seed. An Use ies' got a $50
gold piece right heah ter glib ter de man
what can guess what | hez named him.
Ter keep yer frum spredin' ober de whole
Bible name"
abraham p guessed some one
Nor sab"
"PauI?"
''Nor sab"
"Job?'
"Guess again"
''Nicodemus p'
"Keep er comm"
"AbimelickT'
"Try me again"
The guessing ceased after time and
finally remarked:
"Pse named dat boy Judus Escarut."
"What !" said the magistrate, "Judus be-
trayed our Saviour"
"Caa't hep hit. OATS de boys name
Judus hez been slighted. Nobody hez eber
had de immoral courage ter name a chile
fur dat man. But dat aint de main reason
why names him Judus. Use got de BIZ
bic teT stain me In glbln de chile dat name" 3"
''How does the Bible sustain you in de-
string to perpetuate that name ?' asked the
magistrate.
'Hits dis fack. Chris in remarkiu' OBJ
Judus said hit would hab bin better fur dat
man eff he hadn't bin born"
"Well."
An oonsiderin' how many moufs is
opened at de doc when l goes home wild a
side oh meat it would hab bin better fur dat
boy OBJ mine efhe had neber seed de day
light knows what Ize tall1in' about, l
take de scriptur frum de references. In de
futur eff finds dat de boy hez made i'm
provement on hissef, den Pll change his
name ter jim"
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Grants Texas Laekey.
Nashville Americana

-N~elNlllc American
Since Tom Ocbiltree's peculiar vein has
teen brought into notice by his assertion that
Grant can carry FIVE or SIX Southern States.
itts not aH.jss 10 refer TO Toms ub!qulty. 1t
was sand Of him during the war that he had
"een IN every battle fought up TO the time
"Ath ne was ready 10 give one al account ol
i'll and IL was confidently predicted that he
would be IN every one yet TO be fought Nhat
"ss more, he knew more of the plans OF bat-
ne ihah The generals who fought them anu ne
h4d 70 oe 2 rare observer who trlpped hln
up III hIs facts. He generally left his suspi-
cteuS auditor somehow under the impression
t Snat ne hadn been there, and yet wondering
4vS ihe deuce he knew SO much about it If he
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
An En- Congressman Killed by His Broth

CINCINNATI May 5.-The Rev. j. II. Good
win, delegate to the Methodist General Con
ference, tonight received telegram from
his home, Brookfeld, Ind, saying that DR.. }.
d. Goodwin, his brother, who was also dele
gate to the conference and who was in atten-
dance here on Saturday. had been murdered
by his brother, Colonel Goodwini the alleged
murderer was itlseems a hard drlnker, and, be-
coming subject te delrium tremens, had been
sent to the insane asylum. He was released on
Thursday and returning 10 Brookyille met the
doctor to day, and accusing him OF sending
ing him to the asylum shot him. The doctor
died at 7oclock: Dr.. Goodwin was an ex-
member Of Congress and a man of considera-
bic prominence in his portion Of the State.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Woman's Ways.

Eve was the first and only woman who
did not gather up her dress in both hands
and yell at the sight of snake.
An Illinois girls toast: 'EThe young men
of AmefiCa-tLeir arms our supporters, our
arms their reward fall in, men, fall in y
GLOW does painting agree with my daugh-
ter ?" asked an anxious parent. ''It makes
her too red in the face, replied the teacher.
We saw young man with two heads on
his shoulders the other day, but did not
consider it much of a curiosity One be-
longed to his girl.
Minister Christiancy now knows that
"there Is no fool like an old fool" and other
old bachelors are beginning to ask them
selves what is the use of an old man marry
ing young girl, anyhow.
"And now, Aurelina," she said, reclining
her pretty head upon his manly shoulder.
Il know l am full of faults, but you will
bear with them, will you not 80 And he
took the hint and hugged her on the spot.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12

A MAN was recently hanged at Raab,
Hungary, for the murder of two women.
He was cut down, and the doctors certified
that he was dead. An electro galvanic cur
rent having been applied to the supposed
corpse, however, the convict recovered and
showed signs of life by attacking the ward
ers. Subsequently he was prostrated by con-
gestion, and he is now dead in good earnest.
Those who hold that if capital punishmepts
is to be maintained the guillotine Is the
surest and least painful mode es inaictin0
death. have another argument in their favor.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12

A GERMAN physician claims 70 have dis
covered a means Of dying the eyes Of ami
color he pleases. lie is accompanied on his
travels by dog with a rose-colored eve, q
cat with an orange-red eye, a monkey with
a chrome-yellow eye, a negro with one black
and one blue eye, and nearesr with one
eye gold colored aud the other silveg white.
The doctor says that his process. instead of
injuring, strengthens and improves the
aipht
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Tie Good Old Whig Party Of 1910.

the reason why those Republicans who
were members of The old Wing party are oP-
posed 10 iba third-term principle may be
found In the platform Of that party IN the mar
rts1u campaign of 1876 These are the Werus
d" One PrcsidfutiaI tern-the integrity Of the
public service-the safety Of the public mon
"fy. aud the general good of the people IN
that platform they carried the election Of iha'
exciting political year. General Grant iath-
cry stood On that platform. Let continue 10
adhere to that SAFE and sound old dSctrIne OF
vur fathers
OLD WING.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
The Hancock Room

Observer, Raleigh, y. CT
een- Hancock seems to be having more of
3 Doom than any one else just now. Yer
lhont gives hlm a good send off, the Con-
ventlon of that State having Dasse6 resoIu-
tions favoring his nomination. The Green
Mountain State thus sends greeting to
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12

Patrick saw a bull paving in field.
and thought how amusing it would be to
jump over, catch him by the horns and
rub his nose in the dirt. The idea was
so funny that he laughed to think of it.
The more he thought of it the funnier
it seemed, and he determined to do it.
Bovus quickly tossed him over the fence.
Somewhat bruised, Patrick leisurelv
picked himself up, with the consolatory
reflection "Well, it is a mighty foine
thing I had my laugh fOorst.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12

THE beauty of it all is that, while the
Republicans are howling because the
West Point cadets will not treat Whit
taker as a social equal, Fred. Douglass
is socially ostracized at the White
House. where he is not permitted to IN
troduce the guests at levees, as all pre-
vious marshals of the District have
done. Mr.. and Mrs. Hayes love the
negro in the abstract, but don't want
the actual negro about. Senator and
Mrs. Bruce have never been treated like
white people at the White House.
The weekly clarion., 1880-05-12
Out of His Elemen+

1t Is stated that General Joseph f. john
ston, the ex-Contederate commander. and
now member Of Congress from the Third
(hichmond) District of Virginia, viii not
be candidate for reelection