davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
He Drove a Sharp Bargain.

A nice young man employed in ci-
gar store on King street, Toronto, re-
solved to present his intended with
nice pair Of boots. In order to make
the present appear more valuable he
marked s. (the amount of weeks
wages, we think upon the soles of the
boots, and at his request the clerk put
receipted bill for S. into one Of the
boots. The presentation was made, and
the lovers were happy, as lovers should
be. But mark the sequel. The girl ex-
amined the boots in the daylight, and
was not satisfied. She was convinced
that her lover had been cheated in the
purchase of such pair of boots at that
price. She decided to go and change
them and get better bargain. The
next day she appeared in the store and
solicited pair of boots, price 81, and
politely returned the boots for which
She said her husband had paid IS. The
receipted bill was produced, and the
bootman found it was impossible to go
"behind the returns" The smart girl
took her 81 pair of boots and obtained
81 in money and went home happy and
satisfied. The bookseller sent bill for
50 to the young man, who promptly paid
the difference, but he thinks that girl
knows more than he thought, although
he has been going with her SO long,
Toronto Graphic.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
How an NJ. P. Became Rich.

I related the other week an interest
ing episode in the life of well-known
Irish member, which resulted in his
finding a writ in the hand he had
reached out to take what he thought
was a vote of confidence passed by a
public meeting of his constituents. A
correspondent, a colleague Of the chief
tain's in the representation of Ireland,
lends me an interesting account of the
Unexpected manner in which means
were forthcoming for the payment of
the little bill.
The chieftain married the daughter of
very rich man, from whom he natu-
rally had great expectations The IA
ther-in-law, differing from him on many
points, political and social, determined
to disappoint his expectations. He ac-
cordingly made a will disinheriting his
daughter, leaving his vast wealth partly
to public charities and partly to distant
relations. He died suddenly in Dublin
onlya few daysago, and among his papers
this will was found. By strange acct
dent, however, the old man had omitted
to sign it, and thus, dying intestate, the
bulk of his property went to his only
child, and the chieftain is once more a
man of comparative wealth. Cdrdif
Times.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
A Child1S Rehnke.

In June last, at T., Pa, "Children's
Sunday" was observed, at which time
several children were christened. Little
Johnny was rather pugnacious by tenn
permanent, but seemed deeply impressed
by the ceremony. At home, during the
previous week, all the feather-beds and
pillows had been renovated by pere-
grinating renovator, which process had
attracted much attention among the
children. On the afternoon after the
christening Johnny was quite angered
by one of his sisters. Immediately the
hand was raised, as of old, to strike; but
slowly it was lowered, and, with seri
GUS voice and a look worthy the rebuke
of an apostle, he said: ooh, sister, how
could you?-and you just renovated
too! "-Hasper's Magazine. t," .t
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
An Irish Farm.

Imagine level country, with a few
trees and no forests, cut up into very
small irregular fields by stone walls. 1t
is of such land that Irish farms are COM
posed. In most counties there is great
deal of Doggy, swampy land, from which
the farmers cut peat, which serves them
as fuel.
An Irish farm is generally about as
large as an ordinary village green of
New York or New England, say, from
five to fifteen acres. In some districts
farm of ten acres is considered rather
large, and it is often the sole support of
an immense family -father, mother, ten
children, and, perhaps, an old grand
mother.
Boston Common contains forty-eight
acres of land. It would make six good
sized Irish farms, which would maintain
fifty or sixty human beings, half dozen
COWS, horse or two, some donkeys and
many pigs, beside paying about $500 a
year to the landlord, and something to
the priest.
In good seasons all this teeming and
swarming life can just be maintained.
But suppose crop fails Suppose the
peat cannot be dried Then what ?
Why, hunger and starvation, of course.
And remember there are no factories OF
other business to fall back upon. If the
crops fail all fails.
Irish farms do not all lie along high
road, as with us. Farms are behind
farms and great number of them can
only be reached by donkey path three
on COM. EooA ,,rsJo All Al -.-o-,1- 5-x,,
by hand. The fields are dug, not
plowed, and many farmers have no I'M
plements but a spade, hoe and turf.
cutter, and no vehicle except a small
donkey-cart.
The farmhouse is generally one story
high, and very often consists of single
large room, with, perhaps, recess for a
bed. It is commonly built of stone,
with roof of thatch, but many of the
houses are made of earth, with hard
floor of homemade cement. In this one
room the dairy work is done and all the
family live, the pig coming in and going
out as he pleases. -.
Are the people then miserable and de
graded? By no means. When the har.
vest is good and the rent reasonable
they are among the most cheerful PEG
pie in Europe, and in all the world there
| is no land where the women are more
modest and pure. The children are
ruddy and robust. The houses are gen
orally clean and neat. The people en-
Joy life SO much upon those little black
Doggy farms that, when they 'emigratt
to America or Australia, they sometimes
almost die of inconsistencies. In many
instances poor Irish girl among ns
never goes to bed for six months, after
leaving home, without crying little fol
the old house of mud and thatch ant
the old folks within it, Youths Com
Dan;On.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
Dogs and Weather.

Dogs are not without their weather.
lore. Thus, when they eat grass, it is a
sign of rain; if they roll on the ground
and scratch, or become drowsy and
stupid, change in the weather may be
expected. AS, indeed, in the case of the
cat, most of their turnings and twistings
are supposed to be representations of
something. There are numerous other
items of folklore connected with the dog,
to which we can only incidentally al
Jude. Thus in Ireland it is considered
unlucky to meet q barking dog early in
the morning, and, on the other hand,
Just as fortunate for one to enter house
the first thing in the day. They are
commonly said to possess q wonderful
instinct for discerning character, gen.
orally avoiding ill-tempered persons,
and making friends with any stranger
who happens to be of kind and cheer
full disposition, The life Of dog is
sometimes said to be bound up with that
of his master or mistress. When either
dies, the other cannot live. Its curious
that this faithful companion Of man
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

Parrots are so very disagreeable to
most people who count themselves well
regulated that these probably have NO
idea how many of the squawEing birds
are imported into the country for salA
Thousands are disposed OF annually,
and the demand is said to be growing.
In the large cities like New York
Philadelphia, Baltimore and New Or.
leans they find ready market, and also
in many OF the minor towns. New En-
gland is reported to have prejudice
to its credit be it said-against parrots,
which is hardly equaled by any other
section. The people of the South.
ern States generally like them more
than those of the Northern States do:
but they are far greater favorites with
foreigners, as rule, than they are with
Americans. The best, or least bad, par
rots are brought hither from the Wind
ward or Southern Caribbee islands.
They are larger, harder and more intel
ligent than those from any other district
in this hemisphere, and stand very well
commercially. They build their nests
in the royal palmetto tree, finding OF
digging hole there after the manner Of
the woodpecker, and 30 ensconsing
themselves that it is necessary often to
cut the tree down in order to capture the
young. These are put in cages, fed on
palmiche, guava and banana for a
few months. when they will eat
anything. The breeding time is May;
there are rarely more than three
to the nest, and they reach their
full growth in eight months. Almost
any parrot can learn to talk when young
if placed where it can hear talking, for
its power Of imitation is instructive. 1t
seldom forgets what it has once been
taught, popularity which makes a par
a very undesirable companion for pious
family. Indeed, its love Of the improper
| and mterdicted seems to be so inbred
that some people have thought it en-
dOwed with human attributes. One of
its traits is its monogamousness, said to
be found in all of the 800 or more varie.
ties, which renders it anything but a
favorite in Utah. The parrot is indigen-
Gus to warm parts of America, Asia, AZ
RIGA and Australia. The only clearly as
certained species within the boundary of
the republic is the Carolina parrot. A
good talker of any sort is commonly
quoted here at S., retail rate. The gray
parrot, native to West Africa, is most re-
markable for docility and power of artic-
ulation. 1t breeds readily in captivity,
and will live to 70 and 80 years of age.
Many marvellous stories are told of its To-
quacity, which always comes from repe-
tition of words and sentences previously
acquired. The notion that the parrot
ever supplies any new words, or has any
understanding of them, is, of course, alb
surd. Large sums have been paid fol
gifted takers of this variety, but why
anybody will part with money, except to
get rid of a parrot, is not clear to the
normal mind.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
COntrari0s.

Steele wrote excellently on temper
ance-when sober; Johnsonis essay on
politeness is admirable, but he was him.
self a perfect bear; the gloomy verses of
Young give one the blues, but he was a
brisk, lively man; the Comforts of
Life" by B. Heron, was written in
prison, under the most distressing cir.
cumstances; The Miseries of Human
Life" was, on the contrary, composed
in drawing-room, where the author
was surrounded with every luxury; al
the friends of Sterne knew him to be q
selfish man, yet, as q writer, he excelled
In pathos and charity, at one time beat
ing his wife, at another wasting his
sympathies over dead donkey; Seneca
wrote in praise of povery ON q table
formed Of solid gold, with millions lent
out at usury; some of Hoods comic
illusions were written in bodily pain
and mental distress.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
Josh Billings Philosophy,

Thare seems to be two kinds of wis
dunn; one man gifts from studying
only the bad side ov human natur, the
other from studying both the good and
bad side, and then striking a helthy
average.
Musk il not only a plezant power,
but it il one ov the cheapest ones too;
emmy person who haz genius enuff to
turn q grindstone kan understand a
fiddle.
Thare il good deal in name; vim
egar sounds sour to me, so duz honey
sound sweet.
Too mulch farming and too little wis
dunn IL making the whole world mad !;
the mistake il az old as the farce en-
ackted in the garden ov Eden.
Thare may be people who never make
emmy blunders or mistakes Tor think
they don't, the best we kan say for
them il painfully korrect.
It seems rather tuff, and quite ridik-
lus, that man who haz honestly earned
fame kant git it until after he il ded,
land then haz to take it in second-rate
poetry on hiz tune stun.
OC1ouCc Ii q SOOu IuAu6 az Luz hz u
goes, but thare il no amount ov it ksn
beat the spots on the kards.
The man who laffs and mods hiz he'd,
and SEE, "Yes, jess So" to everything
yu say, il one of the hardest men in the
world to git onto the bak ov sixty-day
paper.
Yung man, satisfy yurself, and the
world in due time are sure to Civ yu all
the praze yu deserve.
A bizzy nan il q harder man for the
devil to Rapture than even pious one.
Opinyuns rule mankind, and yet two
thirds Of all the opinyuns afoat are like
footballs; the man who kan xix them
the highest il the best fello.
Philosophy il a self-sakrafcing vir-
few; most ov it il spent on our Majors,
but little on ourselfs.
Thare il a great deal more virtew and
happiness in the world than we are
aware ov; menny ov us hav it in our
possesshun without knowing it.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
A Wedding Cake.

If ladies sin against propriety in tax
ing the initiative, they can hardly be
blamed for bringing q shilly-shallying
or over-bashful lover to the point when
q good opportunity presents itself.
Such an opportunity suficed to end
what had been q somewhat tedious
courtship. The young man, paying his
usual evening visit, asked his lady-love
how she got along with her cooking.
Nicely" replied she; sim improving
wonderfully, and make splendid cake
now" aCan you9s said the young fell
low, ignorantly rushing on to his fate.
what kind do you like bestp" II like
one made with -four and sugar, with
lots OF raisins, currants and citron, and
beautifully frosted on the top re-
sponded she. aWhy, that's wedding
eakel' cried he. aI meant wedding :
said she; and there was nothing left for
him but to say he meant wedding too
Chambers Journal.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
An Ornament to the Profession.


A student applied to one of the dis
trict courts CT California for admission
to practice, and an examination commit.
tee of one was appointed by the Judge
to ascertain his qualifications. The OK.
animation began with:
Do You smoke, sirY
"I do, sir"
Have you spare cigar?"
Eyes"
Now, sir, what is the first duty OF
lawyer"
To collect fees"
Right; what is the second?"
To increase the number of his
clients"
When does your position toward
your client changer"
when making bill of costs"
Explain"
"We are then antagonistic. / as
sumo the character of plaintiff and he
becomes the defendant"
"A suit once decided, how do you
stand with the lawyer conducting the
other side?"
"Cheek by iowl."
Enough, sir; you promise to be-
come an ornament to your profession,
and I wish You success. Now, are YOU
aware of the duty you owe caP"
Perfectly"
Describe it."
1t is to invite you to drink"
But suppose / decinep"
Candidate scratches his head.
"There is no instance of the kind on
record in the books"
"You are right; and the confidence
with which you make the assertion
shows you have read the law attentive
~. Let's take the drink, and I'll sign
your certificate"
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
How to Help the Children Grow Erect
and Stately.


William Blake, the author of "How
to Get Strong and How to Stay So
spoke before the Brooklyn Teachers
Association recently on "Physical Edu-
cation" 81 want" said he, "to see if,
in an informal talk, We can't hit upon
some way in which we can bring the
physical education of school children
down to q practical basis. Our chill
dren, who are healthy and buXom when
they begin school-work, come out pale,
sickly and with round shoulders. If
you require the children under you to
sit far back on chair and to hold their
chins up, you will cure them of being
round-shouldered, and the lungs and
other vital organs will have free and
healthy play. Another simple plan is to
have the children bend over backward
until they can see the ceiling. This ex-
ercise for a few minutes each day will
work wonderful transformation. If a
well-qualified teacher could be en-
ployed to superintend the physical de-
. velopment of the children, the best re-
suits would be seen. DR.. Sargent, now
the Superintendent of the Harvard Gym
nasirm, who formerly had charge of q
gymnasium in New York, has no equal
as teacher of simple, eficacious means
by which the weak parts of ones body
may be developed. I think it would be
well for you to send some competent
physician to him to take lessons, and
then the exercises could be taught to
your teachers. The first step should be
simple and economical. Exercises OF
the simplest kind can be begun without
any apparatus"
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
NATURE. AN ODE.

There's land of many hills,
Where the Umpaqua ever flows,
In that land where nature fills
Fair Columbia as 1t Aows.
There, where nature overhowS-
Grim monotony of sight
Nature, groaning in her throes,
Gave an unborn land the light.
See the morning wed the night
See in life and death our world;
On through space il takes lite flight
To eternity tits whirled.
Oh, Columbia, all unturled,
Like . veil of mist appear;
Let thy face be white and searled;
Natures awful sower is near.
Nature holds the heart with fear,
While her glory CLOVIS with lore;
Nature gives dew-drop tear
For the heart abe hovers DER.
overtaxed, our soul is sore,
Feeling all the throes of earth,
Yet, oh nature, tell us more
OF the secrets Of thy birth.
ouell for once all thoughtless mirth,
Till we see each gorge or hill
Give antitheses no dearth;
Let thy glow our senses NIL.
Thou, ohtide with restless will,
Flowing to the placid sea,
stony past, the ages trill
Low, sweet music unto thee.
Come again, oh come to me,
Artist, with the gorgeous light,
With the sunshine thou dost see,
Paint my cloudlets DER to night
Paint my fears with sure delight,
Tnge the blackened sky with blue,
Leave no ehasm to yawn like night
'Twixt hopes of earth and heaven so true
'hScdo0 Ledger.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

points IL differed from the actual world
In which I lived. I have always liked
analS sis, and, il were to be seriously
in love, I should analyze my love bit by
bit. I conquered, rather than studied,
history. l did not care to retain, and
did not retain, any thing that could not
give me new idea; disdained all that
was useless, but took possession OF GER
tain results which pleased ne."-Mme.
De RemetSGt.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
Facts That We Know.

nyou are suffering with severe Cough
Cold, Asthma, Bronchitis, Consumption, loss
of voice, tickling in the throat, or any affec
ton of the throat or lungs, sOs kno,u that DR.
Kings New Discovery will give you immedi
ate relief We know Of hundreds of casa il
has completely cured, and that where al
other medicines had failed. No other remedy
can show one-half as many permanent cares
Now to give you satisfactory proof that DR.
Bronchitis, Hay Fever, Consumption. severe
Coughs and Colds, Hoarseness, or any Throat
or Lung Disease, if you will call at any drug
store you can get trial bottle free of cost, OF
regular size bottle for $1O0. For sale by
Grav & HOf1ip MINNEAPOLIS
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
De SV1se ana a sppy

If you will stop all your extravagant
and wrong notions in doctoring your
families with expensive doctors or hum
bug cure-alls, that do harm always, and
use only natures simple remedies for all
your ailments will be wise, well
and happys and save great expense. The
greatest remedy for this, the great, WISE
and good will tell you, is Hop Bitter-
rely on it. See another column Press.
When exhausted by mental labor take
Kldney-Wort to maintain healthy action
OF all organs. "a.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
His Head.

A sailor, o giant Of known bravery, who
was in boat at the siege of Copen-
hagen, bent down his head while shot
was flying over the boat. "For shame !;
hold up your head !" Numbered the off,
Ger in the stern. ct viii, sir, when
there's room for il" was the Laughing re-
Spouse.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
Keen liz in Your Room

cies. And don't forget, that it is the remedy
in all cases of Oatarsh, Nervousness, Blood
Poison, General Debility. Female Weakness.
Kidney and Urinary Diseases, Salt Rheum.
Erysipelas, Scrofuls, and All Diseases of the
Blood. In Diptheria it has proven wonderful
success. Taken in double doses, and at once
upon the first symptoms of the disease. it will
give instant relief at once. DIR. Il. B. Halli.
days Blood Purifier is No Humbug or Quack
Medioine, but a remedy of select merit, a.
hundreds of our citizens will gladly testify.
Noyes Bros. & Cutler, Druggists, Wholesale
agents, st. Paul, MINI. '-.7
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
R1CE Ten7a NrnIca aaIVo.

"a. Sores, Ulcers Salt Rheum, Fever Sores,
letter. Chapped Hands, Chilblains, Corne, and
ali kinds of Skin Eruptions. This Salve Is
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction in every
Case or money refunded. Price Is cents per
Box. For sale ct wholesale by Gray d Hot.
A. MiuuAan NItG
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

a CARD.-To all who are suffering from the or
rors and of youth nervous ear
will cure you, FREE OF CHARGE. This great remedy
was discovered by . missionary In South AMERICA:
Send self addressed envelope to the Rev. JOSEPH
i. INMAN, Station d, New York City.
DR., O, w .BENsoNs CELERY &CHAMoMlLE PILLS
are prepared expressly to Sick Headache, Nerv
Gus Headache, Neuralgia, Nervousness, Seepessness
Paralysis and Indigestion. and will cure any case
Price, 50 cts. box, boxes for g. Post free Par
sons Bangs 4 Co., Wholesale Druggists, Portland
Maine. Order at once. Satlsfaction guaranteed
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

A lifetime of torture is often endured by the
rheumatic. Their pangs may, however be
promptly relieved, and the disease eradicated
with Thomas Electric Oil, which is moreover
a swift and thorough cure for neuralgia, lame
back, sores, bruises, frost bites, corns, excoria
ted nipples, infamed breasts, liver complaint
and all affections of the breathing organs.
Noyes Bros. & Cutler, State agents, st. Paul
Mimi,
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
est female medicine Reeds Gin EDGE Tonic


A book on the Liver, its diseases and their
treatment sent free. Including treatises upon
Liver Complaints, Torpid Liver, Jaundice.
Biliousness, Headache, Constipation, Dyspep.
STA, Malaria, etc. Address DR.. Sanford, l60
Broadway, New York city, NY
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

The vOltaic lselt Co.. Marshall, Mich.
Will send their Electric-Voltaic Belts to the
afflicted upon 80 days trial. See their adver-
tisement in this paper headed. "On 30 Days
Trial"
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
There is no better remedy than Reeds Gilt
EDGE Tonic FIR dvsnensia and Indigestion.

The Elkhard Buggy and Harness Mfg. Co.
Flkhardt, Ind, ship buggies and harness any.
where, with privilege of examining before
paying for, and pay all charges If not satisfac.
tory. Best handmade buggy harness, oak
form spring two-seated wagons $S5, three.
spring wagon $76. Catalogue with prices
sent free. Address G B. Pratt. Sec'ty.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

It is estimated that there are 2,4OO disorders
to which the human frame is liable, such as
coughs, colds, wounds, burns, bruises, catarrh
Group, swelled neck, loss of voice, asthma, &c,
When person is laid up with rheumatism
heas apt to think that the entire number has
struck him in concert. Use DR.. Thomas &c.
lectric Oil in all such cases; its effects are
wonderful. Noyes Bros. s. Cutler, wholesale
agents. st. Paul, MINI.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20

Lyons Heel Stiffeners keep boots and shoes
straight. Sold by all shoe and hardware deal.
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
The Koran,
PENSIONS. y

new Law. Thousands Of Soldiers and heirs en-
titled. Pensions date back to discharge or death
Time limited Address with stamp.
GEORGE Il. LEMON.
p. O. Drawer 32S. WashfnGtOn ID,
Morris tribune., 1880-05-20
Sore Ears, Catarrh.

Many people are afflicted with these loathsome dis
eases out very few get vel from them this Is owing
70 improper treatment ONLY they readily
PEN properly treated. This Is no idle boast but Q
TACT have proven over an again by my treat
msnt Send for my little Book, FREE TO ALL, II will
ten you all about these matters and who l am. My
dress. y
nh. G. E. SHOEMAKER. Aural Surgeon,