South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-03-12
WIT AND IKUMOR

y n
A Sunday school boy was asked by
his teacher if his father was Christian.
Yes. sir he replied, but he isn't work
ing at It much
A correspo ndent at Hampton, Viz
ginia, apropos Of the large-sized VIC rds
sometimes used by our colored brethren
in their public efforts, says that q Ger
tain colored minister. who was in ur-
gent need OF funds to complete his
church, made this Eyer" appeal: MY
bredren, it's long time since we hab
distributed anything for de construc-
ton OF dis yer church. De hat will
now be passed roun'. an we hopes you
nns will be right peart in gibbin TO dc
Lord. De good Lord lubs fearful
gibbcr." --Harper's Magazine.
Seated next 10 the Drawer, few
evenings since. at dinner, was bright
girl, who, in abiding to tho frivolous
ways OF certain young man, said, "He
really frivols too much" The verb is
not only fresh and good, but it recalls
somewhat similar saying OF Bayard
Taylor's, who, on being once asked if
Mr.-was not very penurious man,
replied. We'll, he penurcs good
deal."-lb.
THE POINTS OF TIE LAw.--'You see,
boss, dar's niger libbn' up my way
who orter to be token care Of said an
old darkey to the captain at the Gen.
trail Station yesterday. What's he been
doing now?'-'Waal,s ah, las fall lent
him my AK an when l wanted it back
be braced right up an told me dat pos
sesshun IVES nine pints CLAW, an refus.
cd to glib il up Yes 'Waal de cd
der day sent de ole woman ober an
she borrowed his buck saw, an when
julius cum for it tole him jst like lie
answered me, an stood on my dignity
'WellT i had nine points CLAW, didn't
L" Yes AN how many pints am de
law composed OFF, don't know cx-
actly. 'Waal. dats what bodders me,
fur dat bigger saw them niue pints, shet
up dis ler eye fur me, pitched de ole
woman over bar'l an walked Off with
If had nine pints he mus hev had O.
Der twenty. an eben den he didn't half
let himself out'
No. exclaimed Mr. Penhecker NO
Madam, l object most decidedly. Once
and for all say 1.-THE girls shall 10,
be taught foreign languages. And why
not, pray said Mrs. T., with whitening
sarcasm. Because, said Mr.. p, with
more whitening sarcasm, Because, Mrs
T., one tongue is enough for any wo-
mani Mrs. Penhecker responded not
Adolphe to Araminta on their way to
church: How would were the pray.
erbook you clasp so lovingly Reply
How would you were, for then
could shut you up.
She was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond of her. She hated him
but woman-like, she strove to catch him
lie was flea.
He looked over oil the papers on the
newsstand, and not finding what he
wanted, said to the plump, pretty girl
clerk, 81 want n Fireside Companion
What, sir?" she blusbed, 81 want s
Fireside Companion" he repeated. 80
yes, sir, hear you now" and she chew
ed the corner Of her apron. well
well-do you think l would do?" /,
turned out happily.
MAMMA to Isabel ca years old,) who
is rather numerically teasing her kitten
Isabel, my child, you must not do
so. | don't like to see it." Isabel
well don't look, mamma"
p. t. Barnum has suggested n plan
for the relief of Ireland which is quit
unique. Barnum always does things on
grand scale. flo proposes TO stake of
plot on our Western Territory as
large rs Ireland, bring over the entire
surplus population of the Island, aud
after having located the boys, leave
them with tho injunction of root hog OF
die. This might be first rate PROPOSE
ton 20 be considered on both sides oil
the waters.
When he is twenty-one the boy is
supposed to have out grown the switch
but that is just the age when the girl
begins 10 need one.
AS We have had no winter this year
it is strongly suspected that it was
counted out.