The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-11-12
EDUCATING SARA.
Her First Lesson in American Politics
From the New York Graphic.


EDUCATING SARA.
Her First Lesson In American Politics.
From the New York Graphic.
'To-morrow, Sara, we elect presi-
dent. We call him the man of our choice,
but he isn't at all. The politicians
choose him. We, the people, only elect
him. Do you understand that, Sara?'
Quite clear" said the gifted being
''The immortal Washington, u re-
marked.
ooh, skip him. said Sara. "I've read
all about him. He couldn't tell lie,
and suffered a great deal in consequence.
1t must be so dreadful 10 be self-debarred
from the luxury, or rather necessity, OF
lying at times, especially with inqusi-
tive people"
Icontinued: 1--WE have great deal of
trouble in disposing of our presidents af-
ter they serve their turns. Their proper
duty is then to die and be immortalizcd.
Sometimes they refuse. They hang
around outside the Tombs and the White
House when the nation is eager to give
them a splendid funeral, Do you faith
ON me, Maynard genius ~
"You are almost transparent" said
Sara go on, and let's go down Sixth
avenue. It's liveller than Broadway"
most of our principal candidates this
time, also. Garfield Is proven thief,
Hancock superb idiot and not much of
soldier, English a Shylock, Grace
Catholic bigot and pirate, and Dowd
man not to be trusted. SOME OF these
men must rule us. It's too late to
choose others, and if VIC could 'tgouid
make no difference. They'd turn uut
just as bad before election comes off.
Nominating a man for office invariably
ruins his character"
'Must your public men necessarily
have character?' asked Sara.
Officially, yes; otherwise it's not es-
sential. If man has political chic
| enough the community will shut their
eyes to his escapades, and even allow
him to give council to Sunday schools"
"How clastic!" she cried.
"You mean the system -
"Oui, QUIZ cried the Great Gauless.
"Yes, it stretches like India rubber
It'll go round anybody if he's only clever
enough to get round the people. But
our politics educate also. A profession
al politician once on the track is fit for
any office, no matter what are it's duties
He can take cherge of the custom-h house
at moments notice, or the post Office,
or assay office, or a government farm, or
anything else, which for other men would
require life's study, if the pay is only
big enough. If the government should
create an official dramatic critic and
stage censor tomorrow, you could go
right down among a crowd OF. Office
| holding officials, pick out man at ran
dom, and he'd be fit for the position if
the pay was large enough. Wonderful
| government, isn't it?''
"Wonderfulr' said Sara.
i if Won XVpra a nOlifician and
were appointed inspector of steamboat
boilers, you would find yourself boiler
expert tomorrow. Do you know any
thing about steamboat boilers now ~ l
asked.
at is where they boil the hot water
for the ship, is it not? But your New
York City government" said she. ~
understand it is very complicated"
at is. So much so that nobody
thoroughly understands 1t except John
Kelly. He's the only man who can run
it."
"But it is the government of the PEG.
pie, is it not? 81
Certainly, certainly The govern.
ment itself belongs to the people. They
own it. But only the politicians
know how to play on it. What's the
good of owning piano if you can't
bang it scientifically
81 see. But what must a mayor, for
instance, do to be elected ," she asked.
make promises
"And what does he do after election 81
Break 'em. You see, it's generally
make or breaks with him anyhow II
he wants to make anything he must
break something"
miss Bernhardt, hope you'll under
stand that the country is on the brink of
ruin"
''You don't say sop said she; 81 will
pack my trunks, throw up my engage
ments, and go back 10 Paris.''
Don't do it. Don't be arlarmed. The
country is on the brink of ruin regularly
every four years. It's got used to it.
Both parties are trying TO take away the
liberties of the people. Their papers
| will tell you so. The land is check full
of traitors. The Republicans are trying
to erect monarchy on the ruins of the
republic, and the Democrats want to
move the government south. The coun-
try is on the brink of RUM
| ''Vraimentg'
Eyes, in Vraiment!- Whatever that is.
But don't be alarmed. It's the same old
brink we've been on every four years for
the last fifty. It's almost worn out now.
It's the common property of the poiiti-
clans of all parties. They've beat and
/ I
| on to it much longer. We must have a
new. brink for 1884 Our forefathers
fought and bled to establish that brink.
It's an outside part and parcel of the
constitution"
"Did your forcfathers really bleed %
asked Sara
"Of course. Why, we're bleeding yet
to save the country. Bleeding from the
pocket. Financial hemoTrhage. Ask
office-hOlders, and even citizens, how
they bleed election times. Our forefath-
ers bled seven years. Some of as have
bled forty-seven But let's go in here
and have stew-and some pie. The
cool night north wind doth breed an ca
| ger appetite. See those young men sit
ting at that table. They vote for the
first time next Tuesday. They know all
about 1t. You can never know politics
as they do, Sara You're a woman. These
young men have studied thcconstitution
of the United States for years, and
they are deep in political economy.
They are students of history. They
know where past governments have fail
ed and why they have failed Those
young men eating those stews, and drink
| ing those beers, and winking at those
| girls, are fully alive to all the dangers
besetting republican form Of govern
ment. They won't allow themselves to
be influenced by demagogues. They'd
never idolize hero or statesman, and
| get him On the brain SO bad as 10 throw
/ up their hats and indoTse anything he
/ said or did. You couldn't do that Sara.
You're only a woman. Two stews, two
beers, and one piece OF PIE, please. No
pie, Sara? You don't know what's good.
Andrew Jackson loved pie He invent
ed rotation in Office. and to the yictors
4 t.<Ir ff.z