The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-08
FACTS n FANCIES.
There is no end 10 rings.

1t is more profitable to look up our
defects than TO boast OF our attachments.
How can procrastinstion be the thief
Of time when il never comes up to time.
When a watch is sold il always changes
hands: this strikes n as being odd on
the face Of it.
The nan who took his vest TO a justice to
have it bound over thinks justices are
no good, anyhow.
Husbands never meet their wives with
smiles on the lips; they wipe them off
before they get home.
A newspaper reporter says that oneof
the ladies at the late ball took every
body's eye What an eye-dear.
What were the worst results OF the
civil war p cried an orator. Widows
shouted Jones, who had married one.
Great men pay high prices for choice
library books, make a show Of them, die,
and the heirs sell out for what they will
bring.
You should never give advice. If the
person to whom you offer it is wise he
doesn't need it. If he isn't he went
take it.
How quietly flows the river to the sea,
yet it always gets there. This is a good
point to remember whom you are trying
to rush things.
Hope is a hatterer, but the most up.
right OF all parasites; for she frequents
the poor mans hut, as we'll as the
palace of his superior.
Why the boy asked, do you blow
down the muzzle of your gun2' TO see,'
replied the man, if it it's And just then
he discovered that it was.
Couldn't you lend me S52' Yes, I
could, but l WON'T then do you think
I wouldn't pay you backl' Yes, you
would, but you couldn't
Tho new Queen Christina, of Spain,
is to receive a curious present from an
inhabitant of Madrid-a pair of stock
ings made from onion.peel.
Mrs. Darlington, reviewing Boston
health reports, found that the number
dying from total diseases equaled
those dying from all others.
Amob tarred and feathered a comic
singer out West for clipping with another
mans wife. His manager bills him now
as the great feathered songster.'
One good turn deserves another; but
it does not seem possible that there can
be more than two good turns in an old
silk dress, however deserving the case
may be.
There are men found occasionally who
will kill the goose that lays the golden
egg, and there are doctors who will hon.
estly try to prevent the spread Of conta-
gious diseases.
A young Iowa man has invented a
machine by which the FIRE can be lighted
in the morning by clock-work, and the
young ladies regard him as q most de-
sirable CATCH matrimonially speaking.
Jaw, my good man, what kind of a
wesidence do you think would cult me?'
asked an exquisite OF a house agent.
After taking him in, eye-glass and all,
the agent replied, Something like a fiat,
would be most appropriate
London Truth: TO come home and
find an i'll cooked dinner presided wei
by a slatternly wife in her tantrums is q
gloomy business. To hear a husband
maunder daily over the increasing price
of Goals and small beer is quite as gloomy
for the wife,
I'VE have been friends long, and L
T. There it is, the same old hack
neyed STYLE said she with Impotence.
If a fellow can't propose to me in an
original sort Of way he al Just quit
fooling.' Very WE'LL with desperation.
Lets hitch Tomorrow
And how does Charlie like going to
SCHOOL, kindly inquired a good man of
the little six-year-oli boy, who was wait
ing with tin can in hand the advent of
another boy. Il like goin' well 'nough,'
replied the embryo statesman, ingenu-
ously, but 1 don't like stayin' after 1
git there
A gentleman passing through M of
the public offices at Washington was af-
fronted by some clerks, and was advised
to complain to the principal, which he
did, thus: Il have been abused by some
of the rascals of this place, and 1 come
to acquaint you of it, as 1 understand
you are the principal
Ernest lat six]-'But mother, dear, is
it really true the world was made in six
days2' Mamma Yes, Ernie, and il God
had pleased He could have made it in
two days. Ernest latter q moments
consideration -'Ob, mamma, that would
never have done, you know; why, we
should have had Sunday every other
day.
Several yourg men were sitting to.
gether, and a young lady happened to
approach tho vicinity. One real sweet
young fellow, seeing, as he supposed,
the young lady looking at him, remark
cd, playfully, and with a becoming sim
per, We'll, Miss ---, you needn't look
at me as though you wanted to cat mo-
-