The Phoenix herald., 1880-08-13
TEzE LINER @
The Husband who Joined all the
 Secret Orders


 Yate interview, and having obtained it and satisfied herself that the law students were not listening at the key-hole, said, slowly, solemnly and i impressively:
 VI want divorce.
 "What for? supposed you had one of the best of husband" said the major.
 T s'pose that's what everybody thinks; but if they knew what I've suffered in ten years they'd wonder 1 hadn't scaIded him long ago. ought to, but for the sake of the young ones I've borne it and said nothing. I've told him, though, what he might depend on, and now the times come. 1 won't stand it, young ones or no young ones; I'll have d divorce, and if the neighDors want to b .ab themselves hoarse about it they can, for I won't stand is another day"
 "But whats the matter? Don't your husb md provide for you? Don't he treat you kinkly?" pursued the lawyer.
 live get victuals enough. and I don't know buf he's as true and kind IS men in general, and he's never knocked none of Us down. l wish he had, then I'd get him into jail and know where he was nights retorted the woman.
 Then what's your complaint against him ?"
 Well, if you must know, he's one of them plagaey jincrs.'
 "A what?'
 "A jiner-one of them pe=ky fools that's always jining s0mcthing- There can,t nothing come along that s dark and sly and hidden but he'd iine It. If anybody should get up 8 society to burn his house down, he'd fine it just as soon as he could get in and ii had 10 pay fer ii, he'd go all the sudener. We hadn't been m T. ried more than two months when he fined the Know No,hin's. Wc lived on farm then, and every Saturday ni@ht he'd come tcarin' in before supper, grab a fist full of nnt-cakes, and go off gnawin' lem, and that s the last I'd sec of him ill morning And every other night he'd roll and tumble in his bed and hOller in Eis sleep: 'PuG none but Americans on guard-George Washington ;" and rainy days he'd go out in the corn and jab at a picture of the Pope with an old bnvnet that was there. l ought 10 put my foot down them, but he fooled me so with his lies about the Yore's coming tn make all the IaH- kes gIrls marry Irishmen, and to eat up all the babIcs that warn't born with a cross on their fOreheads, that l let him go OF, and encouraged him i'll it.
 "T'aen he jincd the Masons. P'raPs you know what them be, bat l don 'cept they are the same kind of crit ters that built Solomon's temple and took care of the concubines; ana Of all the alarmed nonscnse and gab about worshipful masters and square and compasses and sich like that we had in inc house for the next six months you n,ver sec the beat. And he's never o4tgrowed it, nnthcr. What dc you think Of q man, Squire, thatil dress himself in white apron, bout big enough for q monkeys bib, and go marching Up and down, and mak- ina n,f.iinns and talking sAc fouliSii lingo at 2 picture of George Wash ington in a green jacket. and 2 truss on his stomack Well, that's my san, and t,ve stlzz.--ss. stlzz.l- is ss as l-la
 .'Ihe next Iunee the old fool mace was into the Odd Fellows. l made I
 warm fo1 him when he come hcmt and he told me he jiGed them DGt ht kinder paciied me by telling'i me ihey ] had q sorf l>s- I--s,r-cil SHOW that tOCk n ' omen and he'd get me in as soon as he found out how to do it. Well, one night lie come home and said I'd been proposed, and somebody had blAcI.-balIed me. Did it himself, of cCurse. Didn't want me around knowing to his gOings on. Of course he didn't, he told me so.
 "1'her he jincd the Sons of Malter. Didn't say nothing to me about It, bu, snoakcd off one night, prctendin' he'd got to set up with an Odd-fellcr, and I'd never found out, only he come home lOokIn' ike man that had been through threSing machine and wouldn't do a thing for him til ne owned uD. And so it's gone from bad to Wus, and from WIS 10 wusser, jining this and that and t0ther, til he's worship minister of the Masous, and goddess Of hope of Inc Odd Fellows, and swo-d-swailON N CT of the Flnnegans. and Virgin Ccrus of the Grange, and Grand Mogul Of the Sons Of Ind5lence, and Two edged fOmaiiawk of he United Order of Blackmen. and Tale-bcarer Of slse Mereifai Maaikins, and Skip per ftle 6riks airiHe C0ium5as and Dig Wizard of tie Arabian Knights and Hedge -paeser of the N Nfa.H. a|rrf r the Irish Mechanics, and Purse-keen- CT of the Order of Canadian Con science, and Double barreled Dictator of the Knights Of Ihe Brass Circ es. and Standard-Jcarer of the Rcval and Sublime Porte of the Onion Lcague. and Chambermaid of the Celestial Cherubs, and Puis sant Potentate of the Terrified Pig. s'ickers. and the Lord only knows what else. I've borne ii and borne it, hopin he'd get 'em ali jinei after lwhile, but 'taint no use. and when ned got into a new one. and been made Grand Guide of the Knights of | Horror, l told him I'd quit, and I will"
 Here the major interrupted, saving:
 w ell, your husband is pretty well | that's fact; but the court will hardly call that good cause for livorce, The most of the societies 'Ou mention are composed ofh0nora- 'le men, and have excellent rcputa- ions. Many of them, though called odges, are relief associations and mutual insurance companies, which. { your husband should die, would ct see VOu Suffpr if VOr, ,.-ar-a ..iol- 2,
 "See me suffer when Pm sick 'ake care of me when he's deadt ell, l guess not; can take care of lyself when he's dead, and if can't can get another. There's plenty of ,m- And they needn't bother them elves when Pm sick, either. If ant 10 be sick and suffer, it's none their business, especially after all le sutterin' I've had when l ain't ok, because of their carryin's on. [ nsN l.