The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-02-13
COMICALITIES.

No editor will refuse to puff good
cigar.
A WATER course--A series Of temper
ance lectures.
TIE man who hires plumber always
pays the piper.
THERE is a good deal of taffy about
"inked sweetness long drawn out"
Our in Nevada intOlcrable stump
speakers are snowballed with tired eggs.
HOOP is the best poet for the head,
Lamb for the stomach and Shoemaker
for the foot.
! A CAUTION To housewives-(ireen apple
pies cannot be well made Of dried apples
and Paris green.
EYES," said Johnny, "laJ,sus may be
the Latin for slip, but when mother
laps us it usually means slipper"
ONE of the Utes il 30 noted for covet-
ing everything he sees that he IL known
ut the agency as Hanker-Chie
WHEN We see Xxx or xxx Oh liquor
cask we always think Of the amount of
criss-cross walking condensed inside Of it.
THERE is nothing in the spiritual line
like champagne, 80 full Of life and soul,
without much body.-Nc,o Orleans Pic
ay,,ae.
/ THERE is only one sure way OF getting
rid OF rats without trouble, and that is To
move ont and let them have the whole
house to themselves.
"THE post norton examination Of
mans life always reveals finer traits Of
character than he was ever known to
possess" writes medical friend.
A FRENCH newspaper points out how
the passion of gUmbling is shown in
England, 80 that even in wedding notices
it is necessary to state that there were
"nO cards"
BURGLAR An then, my lord, this
ere counsel he brings it again me that
when sold this ere silver didn't give
my right name and address. Wy, my
lord, l never dor"-F"nny Folks.
EDMUND YATES says that jealousy is q
mental disease which can be successfully
resisted. He never saw his girl going
off to picnic with another fellow or he
wouldn't write that way.--DetrOt Press.
"KNp words can never die" How
bitterly does man realize that terrible
truth when he sees all the kindest words
he ever saw in his life glazing at him from
his published letters in breach Of prom
! Use suit.
4 MAINE man, who didn't care two
shakes of lambs tail for the news
papers, rode fourteen miles through
fierce snowstorm to get n copy of a
newspaper that spoke of him as ''promi-
nent citizen - BOsfOn Past
An aged invalid required nurse. A
friend knew of very excellent person.
"How old is she ?" inquired the invalid.
"About Is; but she looks to be 3d."
"She won't do" said the invalid; 81
prefer one that is 80; who looks to be 49,"
OLD PROsY-"What I say is this,
doctor; approve entirely of fox-hunt
ing as a manly, health-giving and invig-
Grating amusement, but not as pursuit,
SIR" Irish doctor" Faith, ven find
NANNY t'agree with We there. Especially
foxes Plum.
"THUNDER - was the remark of Fer
guson, as he formed crescent over the
slippery coal-hod cover. eyes," re-
piled sober-faced citizen in the door
way; "more than 90 have fallen over
that this morning, and every one of them
! expressed the same opinion"
A YOUNG lady who came Inst week to
advertise for kitchen help said with sigh
and wiring Of her dainty gloved hands,
"Oh do hope we'll get one soon. For
it does almost break my heart to see
mother wash dishes, with her rheuma-
tism, too. "-McGrCgor Ncws.
LITTLE Willie Ito Mr.. Jones, who is
quite attentive to Willie's widowed man.
mal: "Mr. Jones, how did you come to
have such bald head Of hnir?" Mr..
Jones (who il not as dry as he looks and
has been in the fur trade): "Why,
Willie, neglected it one season, and the
moths got into it,
| AT trial in Erie, Penn, the question
| Of yerGcity WAS raised against certain
gentleman, and a witness who had just
| left the stand, being recalled, asserted
that he would not believe the party under
oath. "Why?" asked the attorney
because" replied the excited witness,
"he lied about my dog"
LONDON shoeblack to Scotch droyer
issuing from Euston station" you
are Scotty, brush y'r boots for twopence,
and make You look like gentleman
Drover-" Tippence! Sac muckle IN
that! Man, laddie, il yen juist len me
yer brushes for meenute Ill pOalish
them myself for neathing!"
LoNGpInz is inclined to low spirits ut
times. In one of these spells, the other
day, he grImbled, "This is dreary
world. That's one reason why hate
doctors. They helped to bring me into
it." Here he stopped, but Frightening
up a moment later, he added: "How-
ever, they help lis out Of it in the end;
30 they are not 30 bad, after au.--BOston
Transcript.
HE looked all over the papers on the
news stand, and not finding what he
wanted said TO the plump, pretty girl
clerk, "I want O F1rcsidc (0Napanion.
"What, sir?" she blushed. ~ want II
Freside Companion" lie repeated.
go, yes, sir; hear You now," and she
-well-do you think ! would do?" It
turned out happily.
A SERVANT girl at Jersey, England.
has been fined los. for playing foolish
r.sk with train. She stood between
the rails while the train was approaching
at rapiG rate, and calmly watched It
draw near. The driver whistled, shut
off steam, and reversed the engine, and
thus succeeded in stopping the locomo-
i've within two yards Of the girl, who
merely laughed in his face and ran away.
THERE was terribly excited Celestial
in Elizabethtown recently. Some of the
boys asked him what the trouble was.
John delivered himself: "Me playee
pokel with Mclean man, ale samee.
Ne glitte flo acel; me bette ten dolla-
nobody clom In. Me glettee thle king;
me bette five dolla-nobody clom in.
Ne gitte Ave fushes, me bettee fifteen =.
dolla-eyly sion Of glun clom in. Me
cleanee out. "--Dead,cOod Pioneer.
THEY tell this good story about Cen
eral Joe Hawley going to the war In
1901. He was then an editor on the
Hartford Press, since consolidated with
the COurant. When the news came OF
the firing on Sumter aud the call for 70,
600 men, Hawley having tried several
times to write on the subject, laid down
his pen with, Boys, I'm going to do
the fighting for this Office; you must run
the paper" and went out and enlisted.
He was the first volunteer from the stats
OF Connecticut.
"YoU ought TO curb that son." said q
city minister 10 o parishioner not long
since. /" know he's 'nawful bad boy"
replied tho man. eyes, he H." con.
tinned the minister, "and you should
! curb him, and that severely" The man
t...I IL 49, a.kn nj