The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-03-04
ALI SORTS.
Take her up tenderly,
Fashioned 80 elenderly,
Young and so fair;
Handle her carefully
Talk TO her prayfully-
ink 10 htE prayIulIy-
She's cross as bear.

How nicely this corn pops, salu
young man who was sitting with his sweet
heart before the fire. Yes she respon-.
ded demurely. Its got over. being green,
An urehin who had begged a penny of
an old topper in vain rewarded him with
this advice: Don't you carry that nose
O. yourn near to no powder factory. or they
might turn the hose onto yer.
Never expose your disappointments to
the Iworld," says Beecher. Correct. 1t
the other fellow responds to your cali
with show of four aces, stick your kings
into the pack and say you were bluffing.-
| Boston Post.
| Two hunters smoked over powderkeg.
and the explosion blinded them for life,
| That fact, however, won't make much diff
| ference to them, as the same explosion
blew them into more pieces than two COR
oners could pick up IN day.
It is curious to note how flaming new
silk handkerchief will struggle up from
the deepest breast pocket into the light of
day and linger there, while the soiled
cotton one skulks at the bottom. making
only now and then hasty sally into the
open air.-Battinaore Gazette.
| ''If you was decent person." remarked
shrill female voice on the railway car,
''you would shut down that window and
not expose me to the draft Madam"
was the reply. as the window was softly
lowered, 81 thought from your face that
you were over 45, and therefore out of the
draft.
Some people have hard time of it.
We know young man who bears the
highly elegant name Of Laurance S. St.
Clair, and yet he's made quite unhappy
by it. He wants to adopt the English
fashion of writing ones name, and L.
Snodgrass ST. Clair doesn't sound quite
as we'll as he desires. Boston Post.
A real keen country chap was commis-
stoned by friend to get minister to
''marrlfy" him. The keen chap wrote to
a parson and received reply stating that
be would be OF hand, D. Y. When the
marriage fee was paid the thrifty Young
country chap was greatly surprised to
learn that ID. V. meant Dec Uolente instead
of ''divVy. philadelphia Item.
/ A fussy old gentleman enters a railway
carriage, and, without consulting any of
the other passengers, at once let's down
both windows Old gentleman, looking
round complacently: "a cold morning
this. but / must say like airv' Fellow
passenger, grufay: TT seems to me, sir.
that, under the circumst ances, it might
probably suit you better, and would GER
tainly be more comfortable for US, if you
| would get out and sit on the roof,
| My Boy.
| What the stars are to the sky,
! What the light is to the eye,
| What the rivers to the AGA
| Is my darling boy to me-
| What the dew is to the flower,
What the vine is to the bower
| What the leaf is to the tree
| Is my darling boy TO me.
| Sweeter than the violet,
| Pure as llv-bUd, still wet
| With the early morning dew,
Is my darling, good ana true.
When the dreams of youth are done,
| When the night of age creeps on,
| May lean, with pride and joy,
| Upon thee, my darling boy!
Ms. ada A. Ma, in TIE Independent.
The Deutsche Zeitung prints the follow
| ing 10 the report of village school inspec-
| ton. The examiner is trying to explain
to the fat-headed listeners the character Of
miracle He asks scholar:
wv hat is a miracle 2
| Il don't know, sir,
"tf-al at onoe-the san appeared In
the heavens st night, What would you say
i, WASP
THE moon"
| IL you WERE IUiu II WAS ttIo Suus
what would you say2'
I'd say it was lie."
''Now, never lie. Suppose l told you
it was the sum-"
| The scholar, after moments deep re-
| Election, bobbed his head
Please; sir, I'd say you were drunk.
The other DAY. over al the Alamed
baths, timid and retiring looking man
waited until the superintendent was dis
engaged. and then said to him:
Il do hate to give any one trouble, but
have you long stick or pole of any kind
you could lend mef"
No, sir; l told you so ten minutes
ago." snapped the over-driven official.
so you did, replied the man. ''hut
thought | d just ask once more. | guess
| I've done ny duty in the matter. Don't
you think so
| What matter2 What on earth are
you talking about2'
| why, you see, my mother in law dived
off down there at the deep end about half
an hoar ago, and as she hasn't come up
yet | thought I'd like to tell MY wife that
| had sorter jabbed round Cd the bottom
for her awhile anyway, but if can't, why,
| suppose l can't. that's all. And pen
siYeIy writing her address on tag. to be
tied to The old lady ghen she came up. the
Il
conscientious man walked tEoughtfully
away,-Sdn Francisco Post
| Do you really, truly love
More than any girl you know?
Well, then, hug me just little,
II you must, before you CO.
Fold your &rms around me tighter;
Have you never Rugged before?
Draw me nearer, press me closer;
Can't you hug me any more?
L0Ue-stck PoeteSs.
Hug you more! No, not tonight, dear.
For you talk so dreadful loud,
Every pinch and squeeze give you
Is told by you to all the crowd.
But never miGd, you II soon learn better.
When you see more OF this life,
There now darling, don't be foolish
Let me go-here comes my wife
There are thirty miIhonalres in st.
Louis, and 10000 beggars.
1t takes the Minnesota servant-girls to
commit suicide. One of them jammed
her head into a pot of soup the other
day, and held it there until the coroner ar.