The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-07-23
VARIETIES.

Shirt bosoms with monograms of the
wearer in silk worked on them are the latest
forms of spooneydiddle genius.
"A lady nowadays doesn't mind having
her age recorded in the family bible. 1t is al
most sure to remain secret.
"The papers talk about civil engineers, !"
said old Mrs. Briggs. &c wonder why there
amt no civil conductors Nobody could tell
her.
Don't invite elfeducated" man to ad-
dress school. He will be sure to tell the pu-
pills that he never went to school and yet
knows as much as anybody.
-Tennyson spends hours on single line
But that's nothing. We have known men who
spent their whole lives on single line. They
are generally conductors.
After all some of the old proverbs are
pretty correct 1t is "better to make hay
while the sun Shines" 1t would be very awk-
ward going out after dark and trying to hold
a lantern and swing a scythe.
-" What is the difference between me and
watch?" said the Duchess to Cardinal who
was present. "a very material one, madam, !"
said the Cardinal "when we look on watch
we remember the flight of time, but when W e
look upon your grace we forget it,"
How much are these goods yard? ?" said
a gentleman in a dry goods store the other day,
as he picked up and examined piece ofruffled
silk. "Good gracious" cried the Mortified
clerk, that isn't for sale! That's the end OF
lady train 'siust gone up to the third
story in the elevator"
Goods at half price," said the sign-
"IIow much is that teapot" asked the old
lady who had been attracted by the announce
ment. Fifty cents, num-" "Iguess I'll take
it then" she said, throwing down a quarter.
The dealer let her have the teapot, but took
in his sign before another customer came in.
An exchange says "a COW needs as
much currying as horse, and the result will
be found in the mlk-pai OF course it will,
if n man is foolish enough to set the milk pail
under the COW while he is currying her. The
best way is to turn the pail bottom up, or
leave it at the house till you are done curry
ing.-Broohlyn Eagle.
-" Hair gettin' little thin, sir" said the
barber. "Young man." said John Henry,
looking down upon him from the height of
solemn experience; young man, when you
are married you will never allude in that
thoughtless manner to domestic Affections
No, don't apologize. My feelings are blunted.
But is there not some mysterious unguent-
some soft, seductive compound-that makes
tuo nan hioio ohPpoiJ w VIC grasp!
-"Well, Father Brown, how did you like my
sermon yesterday ?" asked young preacher.
aye see, parson," was the the reply, II haven't
fair chance at them sermons of yours. Pm
an old man now, and have to set pretty well
back by the stove; and there's old Miss
Smithie, Wilder Tatf'n, Rylan's daters n,
Nabby Brit n all the rest setting in front of
me with their mouths wide open q swallerin'
down all the best of the sermon, N what gets
down to me is putty poor stuff, parson, putty
poor stuff"
Hans Growyost, a worthy German farmer
who has been n lifelong resident of Berks
county, has shrewish wife, who has long
rendered his domestic life anything but
couch of roses.
One day not long ago she, in fit of pique
packed up her buds and left him vowing never
to come back. The news went around amongst
the neghbors-you know how intelligence of
all kinds does travel in the country-and ut
night several of them, of whom was one,
went to condole with Hans
He sat on his front stoop, putting away at
his pipe
Hans" remarked, AZ pity you"
MY boy" replied the honest Dutchman,
as he disturbedly knocked out the ashes of his
pipe, ,"'you vas right. She has shust come
back !"