Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1880-10-16
ALL SORTS.

Why not call hanging q necksecu'
ton?
The Yonkers statesman calls falling
down stairs an extended trip.
A man who opens oysters does things
by halves.
A Philadelphia paper calls stolen
suit OF clothes fit Of abstraction.
A Brooklyn girl speaks Of one OF her
fellows as her night blooming serious
bean.
Uneasy lies the head that eats crack
ers while in bed.
"Ah," said deaf man who had a
scolding wife, "man wants but little hear
below!"
A baby is said to take notice when it
is given nothing else to take.
Speaking OF the different ages Of the
world, TO what age do peddlers belong?
The pack aye.
An exchange saws the best place for
spitz dog is in front OF tobacco chewer
ON hotel piazz,.
During the prevalence of the epizoo-
tic fever Sic transit would be good le-
SVho ioi oohiC Oui uOioC Sdio.
The policeman who arrests a young
female thief makes pardonable miss
take.
A young lady fell overheard the other
day during yacht race. They call 1t
regotta.
Has it ever occurred to base. ball men
that milk-pitcher is generally a good
fy-catcher?
1t is said that Patti is fond OF billiards.
She got used to the cue on the stage, We
suppose.
Might not the act OF extinguishing
fire in book store, although no joke,
be called play upon words?
They have at last found way to pre-
vent sea-sickness. Any passenger who
is sick will be charged double fare.
81 am satisfied with my lot" said
real estate owner, who held piece OF
ground worth 5000 foot.
The dealer in salt must have q pre-
carious time of it. The salt cellar is al
WAYS getting overturned.
The editor OF Cincinnati paper, who
has farming ideas, thought that to have
buttermiik he must buy goat.
A st. Louis paper has an article on
"Mince Pie and Destiny" Destiny"
is supposed to refer to the subsequent
stomach.achc.
The young man who has proposed and
has been neither accepted nor rejected,
knows how exciting it is to live in 4
doubtful state.
When Cincinnati man speaks OF the
production of his pen, you never know
whether he is II literary Teller or hog
raiser.
Some Indians use scaiping knives OF
tortoise-sheil, probably on account oithe
old fable in which the tortoise got away
with the hare.
The man who advertised that his Bit
tiers contained no run, but produced the
same effects, has been selected TO pass |
round the plate.
81 can't 90 to Europe" lady is re-
ported to have said;"l am reading just
forty.tive continued stories, and my lin
tied means would not let me pay the
postage"
No matter how ill-tempered or resent
full the ship may be on her voyage, she |
always drops her rancor when she comes
into port.
The girl who did not receive a propos-
al OF marriage on the hotel piazza says
that our summer seasons are dreadfully |
short. So is life, my dear.
Mrs. Browning remarked: Each
creature holds an insular point in
space" A poor politician finds this
out when everybody is after him with
sharp stick.
A qualified judge-Squire Horsnail,
NJ. F., (who had been inspecting the
board schooD-said: "Well, good-by,
children. Yer reads well an yer spells
well, but yer haint sot still!'
Alexander wept because he had no
more worlds to conquer. But by mar
rying Alice Oates he would probably |
had more fighting on hand than he
wanted.
Baltimoreans are having great time
over their sesqui.centennlal; and Bos-
ton vainly mourns her lost opportunity |
of calling her own 250-year show by
nice long Latin name like that.
"What is the first thing to be done in
case o fl e?' asked Prof. Stearns. "Sue
the insurance company" promptly |
answered the boy at the foot Of the
class, whose father had been burned
out.
How unsteady his hoof-beats sound.'
exclaimed an enthusiastic lover of the |
turf, as st. Julien speeded around the
course at Brighton last week. YES"
replied his companion, che is beating |
time
San Francisco people have preiu1ie
against cooking oysters, because they
say that cooking makes them indigesti-
bile But they 90 iiyht along cooking
cabbages, sausages, mince pies and min