The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-04-12
ALL SORTS.
How do you like springs tiles?
E;ah;n0 ho IN oonI;Oht Ia nm fnI

I1OW w yO0 AAO cPAAu etiOoA
Fishing by moonlight Is au fail.
Another boom for Sherman. Snow ia
Ohio.
The soda~water fountain will soon
begin to 6zz Lot spray so.
How is that for eyer" as the fellow
said as he looked in the mirror at his
blackeped optic.
English politicians at present appear to
be very Liberal men. That doesn't in
Guide Me Lud Beacons6eld.
Little Denis Kearney has lost his tongue
since Che had that little interview in the
San Francisco court.
Sophocles never wrestied with the fl
teen puzzle. and that's just where the me
OF this age are SO much better off than old
Soph.
There are three million single men in
this country, and there is no telling how
many married men wish they were of the
number.
The summer turban is higher and lar
ger than that worn during the winter
Exchange.
And the higher the turban the larger
the bill.
Stealing the ivery-stable of heaven to
| serve the devil To-" is the way an honest
Michigan deacon got it off it church, says
| the Detroit Free Press
The Philadelphia Chronicle thinks that
there is need in this country for brand
new invoice of George Washiugtons.
Ii a new crop is necessary, why not
Ratchet?
There is one thing. at any rate. that
gives genuine satisfaction. and that is the
assurance that the Fourth of July is
| sandwiched in between this time and cleo
ton day.
Bismarck wants to resign, and confound
the luck, suppose we'll have to run across
to Germany and take the old fellows place.
Anything to help friend out of a tight
place.
Rome is full of American girls, and the
Romans do as the Americans do when in
Rome.-N o Ptcayune
And doesn't the average man wish that
he was in Rome?
"Womeu can keep Secrets" says the
Boston Post. and as there are a good
many miles between New York and Bos-
ton we feel no hesitancy 10 alleging that
the Post man is coqueting with truth.
A new drink, according to the Yonkers
Gazette is called solitude" It's the
same old stuff. however, that breaks
| family all up when the man of the house
comes home with too much aboard.
Alden, of the New York Times. says
that the man who wishes 20 break off the
| habit of smoking should postpone the
| lighting of the first cigar five minutes
each day. And by the same reasoning.
| man who wishes to learn to smoke should
never light cigar.
How charming the buttercups lock-
| Ne;o York ErpresS. Now.you don't mean
that the buttercups have forced their way
through the pavenents of New York.
| Why, the green fields up this way aren't
wearing single buttercup jewel az yet
| NetC HaUen Register.
| New Haven always was slow town.
The honeysuckIes will soon creep up the
| atsiced porch, and the morning gIories
will bow aud nod to the rising sun, and the
air will be filed with aromas double dis
counting cologne, while the man who spent
all his moUey for an ulster last winter will
morslze on the mutability of human
affairs Verify, this is changeable world.
''Please pass the butter. is now obsolete.
| Allow The oleomargarine to slide down
| this way, is now the ''propah capah. -
Nea0 Haren Register. Chuck me a hunk
of grease" is more expressive. -Neto York
| rpreSs Circulate the concealed bovine
essence" has been used with effect.
| Rochester Express. The Boston girl says:
Increase my propipquity to the gobules
of fractured cream" but the Chicago girl
| remarks. as she gives her knife prepare
| tory lick. "Yank me the dublin Gin
ciRnItt Commercial In the average
boarding house, where good butter is as
| scarce as SOW fakes 10 summertime, they
say: "Permis the golden tinted articls
| which came via the milky way to pedes-
| trisnate to this end of the table. ," Strong
but quite expressive. Albany Argus