The Northern Pacific farmer., 1880-04-08


the best mode of changing the system;
the change itself is not debatable, it is
a fact.
A BOON TO MARRIED MEN.
An Ingenious Invention which Saves
Many Curtain Lectures.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Miraculous inventions are the order
of the day. Even Edison has been sur
passed by agenios who has invented
what is called ''Married Mans Indicat.
Or" It is wonderfully sensitive ar
rangement Of the ordinary thermome-
ter, in convenient pocket size, and is
graded to q scale of cabalistic marks,
which show the exact state of the do
mestic atmosphere at any hour of the
pight. The hard-worked and belated
husband arrives home, say at midnight.
He takes cut his ''indicator" thrusts it
in the keyhole, leaves it there for few
seconds. Pulling it out quickly, he
cleaning. If it marks rs. A." (sound
asleep) the poor husband pulls off his
boots noiselessly, uses his night-key
with bated breath, gives the door a
quick shove to keep it from creaking,
steals trembljngly to bed, and when his
dear little wifey wakes up about two
seconds afterwards and wants to know
how long he has been home, he is so
sound asleep that Gabriel's trumpet
couldn't wake him.
If the indicator scores "a. A. G. B. D.
K. w. T." (awake, awful cross, but does
not know what time it is" the husband
puts a few more grains of coffee in his
mouth; opens the door boldly; walks in
with a slam-bang air, bits his foot in
tentionally against chair; wants to
know why the devil the chairs amt
Kept out of the way; gets desperately
mad on general principles; scares his
wife clear out of her crossness and in
tended curtain-lecture; refuses to let
her get up and strike match-never
did like light at night, nohow; remarks
grutt1y in response to timid query
that "it's about twenty-five minutes
after TO-" and then turns into bed in
such an apparently, awful state Of miad
that the wife of RI bosom is afraid, to
speak to him-A (which he is very sad,
Of course. Ii
There are nu1 1lerous other marks on
the indicator showing just where it will
do to "play the lodge dodge" or the
''sick friend;" or "been standing on the
corner talking with so-and-so for more
than an hour" or general or honorable
this or that from yon know where, was
in town, and had to 90 away on the 2
o'clock train, and he insisted so strongly
that the whole party stayed up to see
him of, although it was a great bore,
and we only did it through courtesy"
But the most awfully awful of all the
cabilistic signs on the dial is the one at
the top, about two marks above boiling.
point. When the weary husband comes
home about 4 A. NJ, from the direc-
ton Of the butcher-shop, with roll of
meat held high in the air, so that every
one he passes cannot fail to see it. and
sticks the "indicator" in the key hole,
he is almost too weak to draw it out.
With hair on the end he reads it by the
faint light streaming in upon him from
tne eastern hills, and sweat breaks out
on his noble brow in drops as large as
walnuts, as he sees the bulb of the in.
dicator jammed smack up against "R.
H. S. H. W. F. Y. J. I. T." (redhot and
still heating and waiting for you just
inside the door). The inventor of the
instrument says that when this terrible
misfortune overtakes a man he feels
that there is nothing left in this life
worth living for, and apprecistes the
full force of those beautiful lines:
This 1,I world Is all aesting show.
He slings the meat out into the yard,
and braces himself for the coming fray,
but says nothing, for nothing can be
said. Be he ever so gifted a liar, his &C.
complishment is more than valueless.
No lodge, no sick friend, no talking on
the corner, no sitting up to see the gen.
era! of, no swearing that he will never
do it again in fact, nothing will avail.
It is an absolutely indetensible case.
He is caught in togronte dtlcto. Even
tie CHASTITY gayety with which, two
hours previous he has said to the boys
that he ''guessed he'd see it out now
might as we'll be killed for a sheep as q
lamb"-had all vanished. The indica-
tor having told him the exact situation
of things he knows just what to do, and
that is nothing, but get into bed at once
and wrap the drapery OF his couch
about him, pull the pillow over his ears,
and wait for his wife's breath to give
out. It's awful while it lasts, but it has
its use in relieving the unfortunate hus-
bands mind of part of it's load.
The indicator is great invention,
and no family should be without one.
For sale at all stores where they are
kept. ~.
MRS. TYLER, the widow the ex-presi-
dent, is living quietly at Georgetown,