Litchfield enquirer., 1880-01-01
CLIPPINGS.

not up your horn on high.
 ''Wbat do you do when you have cold 2
 "Cough, was the sententious reply.
 It is not right to raffie. Though of course when church needs money that's different
 Some students think it necessary to be be. hind in their lessons in order to pursue theil studies. ....-...x -.
 The Cincinnati Enquirer, speaking of killing hog, says Reader, for moment put your. self in his place. -~ 2 A young fellow who had rich aunt to keep him in money, referred to her as his flne aunt cial backing. < Many excellent young men who went into training as coachmen last spring will gradu- ate with heiresses this winter.
 In Extremis-Pat Do you buy rags and bones here?" Merchant, "We do, surr. Pat, ''Thin, be Jabers, put me on the schkales!
 !. A good deed in this naughty world does not make person known, unless he happens to mention it incidentally to the news report CT. sk ar y ssEsa
 Another American girl is to marry noble man. Why is it that our glrls refuse to sup port their own countrymen There is a lack of patriotism somewhere.
 "How far is it to Butler, if keep straight on ?" "Wall, if you're going to keep straight on, it's about twenty-five thousand miles, but if you turn round tother way it's about half mile"
 Bulkins; in referring to the time his wife him, says the coal fire needed replenishing, and she pointed toward the fire place with a commanding air and said, ''Pe- ter, the grate."
 "I was not aware that you knew him., said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the other day. "Knew him ?", said he, in tone which com prehended the knowledge of more than one life. ''I knew him when his father was boy 1"
 One of them says: ''So many poets die ere they are known Too true, too true! When an editor discovers the quality of his verses he kills him on the spot without stopping to as- certain his name.
 There is nothing so charming as the inno- cennce of children. Mamma" said a i've year-old, the other day, II wish you wouldn't leave me to take care of baby again. He was SO bad that had to eat all the sponge cake and two jars of raspberry jam to amuse him. |"
 Rector's Wife-"How do you do, Mir. Wig gles We have not seen you at church lately. Have you been away?" MT. Wiggles-"Yes, mum, Pve been a.visitin' my old 'aunts at Manchester, num-" Rector's Wife-"Real- ly :! l hope you found the old ladies quite we'll" MT. Wiggles-'I didn't say my harnt, mum; said my old 'aunts O my youth, you know, num-" l....t~
 In this season of benefit fairs and suppers, the church expects every man to do his duty. Monday, it is ham, Tuesday, it is chicken, Wednesday, it's cake, and the plot begins to thicken Thursday. it's an oyster supper, Friday, you must buy ticket, Saturday. it's something else, and if you don't take it all in, welP it's because you're wicked. ..
 Brooklyn school examination: "Who is the President of the United States?" Silence. "Who is the present Governor of the State of New York?" More silence. Who is the Governor of the State of New York ?" Dead silence. "Who won the last walking match?" Chorus of sucking presidents 'R-o-w.e-ll!" -f- "
 A certain young man brought his affianced down from the country to see the sights. One day while they were passing confectioner's the swain noticed in the window placard bearing the announccment, lice cream-one dollar per gal ''Well,' said the young man as he walked into the saloon, 'that's pretty steep price to charge for one gal, but Maria, m see you through, no matter what it costs. Here's dollar, waiter; ice cream for this gal"
 geography recitation in Nevada must be Just imagine a schoolboy stand ing up and gravely rattling off the following before committee of the Boardo of Education :; 'Buttermilk canyon is in the Paradise Noun tains, northwest from Eden, about ten miles from Gouge- Eye, on the road leading from Limburger to Woop- lem Up. by the way of Bell Town, Lay Out and Hungry, and just over the mountain from Bung- Eye and Knock -'Em-Stiff."
 'Now, then, who is the plaintiff in this case ?" asked his Honor, in Justice Alley, yes- terday as a case was called. No reply. Il ask who is the plaintiff in this case ?" continu- ed the Court. II don't know anything about plaintiffs. replied man in the corner as he slowly rose, ''hut if you are asking for the chap who was chased mile and a half and then mopped all over his own barnyard by two Pm your man!
 A sad misfortune lately befen New Or leans judge. It is related of him that, as he was riding in the cars, from single glance at the countenance of lady at his side. he im- agined that he knew her, and ventured to re- mark that the day was pleasant She only "Yes." "Why do you wear a veil?" 'Lest I attract gentlemen" "It is the province of gentlemen to admire" replied the gallant man of law Not when they are ''But l am not" Indeed I" "Oh, no; Pm d bachelor" The lady quietly her veil, disclosing to the astonished magistrate the face of his mother-iu-law.
 She laid her sma Il hand upon her husbands shoulder. Robert, love, there's something tn matter with the clock. Will yousee to it?'' 50 he took off his coat, removed tue face and figures, examined the interior parts with a large magnifying glass, blew into them with a bellows, oiled them thoroughly. and did all that mortal ingenuity could devise But it was of no avail, and so, despairing, at a late hour of the night he went to bed and slept the sleep of the righteous This morning at breakfast quoth she, Robert, dear, know what was the matter with theclock." ..Well?" ''lt needed winding, that was all" Y
 A German newspaper, which must be edited
 
 write in novels that the ''sea ran mountains high, because, in fact, the sea runs very little more than twenty feet high. The German is right and it is equally wrong to speak of a gorgeous sunset, for the sun does not set or the moonlight sleeping on bank, for moon- light never sleeps; or Father Rhine for the Rhine is river, and nobody's father at all In point of fact, it is wrong to use words at any time, for words always mean something else. The correct thing is to open your mouth only when you are hungry, and hold your tongue under all circumstances. F-s sT 7r rr
 A Quaker shopkeeper once met Quaker customer of his going home with her bundles. He had been absent from his place, and had a notion in his wise head that she had been trading with rival whom he did not much love. ''How much did thee give yard for this, Mary ?" ''One dollar!" "Why, I am surprised at thee! could let thee have it for 75 cents And how much for this?" "Two dollars!" 'Why, that was unreasonable. could have let the have it for $15O. Why will thee go away trading with strangers and worlds people, Mary?" II don't know what thee is talking about, friend John," she said, s'but did buy all these thlucs at inv store