The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-12-22
VARIETIES.

An Irishman of a mechanical turn
took off his gas meter to repair it
himself, and put it on again upside
down. AT the end of the quarter it
was proved that the company owed
him $15.75.
The end of satire is the amend
ment of vice by corruption; and he
who writes honestly is no more an
offender than the physician to the
patient when he prescribes harsh
edies.-DryClen.
"Hole on dar," said colored man,
haillng an acquaintance. docs yer
cross de street cherry time yer sees
me ter keep from paYin' dat bill 2"
mo, l doesn't" What fur den 9"
"Ter keep from bein' axed fur it.,
An excellent old deacon, who hav-
ing won fine turkey at a charity
grab bag rattle, didn't like to tell his
severe othodox wife, how he came by
it, quietly remarked, as he handed
her the fowl, that the Shakers gave it
to him.
A man to thoroughly know him.
self should run for office. When he
gets his whole pedigree, past, pres
ent and future predictions OF his
career, he will be convinced that he
isn't worthy to occupy stateroom
with the gentlemen down below.
You look pale Gus" said one
fashionable to another. Yes, | am
as nervous as a cat whats the
matter ?" well, you see, l dreamt
last night paid off all my debts, and
l am worried to know where | got
the money from"
II ain a great gum" said a tipsey
printer, who had been on a spree for
week. Yes" said the foreman,
you are great gun, and halt
cooked, and you can consider your.
self discharged" We'll" said the
typo, then l had better go Off"
Edith and Mable had just put their
dolies in their little crib, when Edith
with the expression of one who had
great weight lifted from her shout
ders, said : There Pm thankful
we've got the children to bed. We
shall have little peace now p
A lady called upon her milliner
hAA- Aassiayss,s ssssr tEsaAs,h asacteE-of
her servant. The respectable appear
ance OF the latter was beyond ques
tioning. "But is she honest p asked
the lady. Il am not SO certain about
that," replied the milliner," have
sent her to you with my bill dozen
times and she has never yet given me
the money"
A gentleman, being threatened
with an infectious fever, said to his
little son, who, in an affectionate
mode, wished to embrace him: "You
mustn't hug me; you'll surely catch
the fever" Willie, standing back,
looked in amazement upon his papa,
(who, by the way, is pattern of
propriety,) and quickly SAID "Why,
papa, then our hired girl will have
The fever y
Courtesy Is due to others. 1t is
helpful to others. Treat even a base
man with respect, and he will make
at least one desperate effort to be re-
spectacle. Courtesy is an appeal to
the nobler and better nature of others
to which that nature responds. 1t is
| due TO ourselves. 1t is the browning
grace OF culture, the stamp of perfec-
tion upon the character, the badge
of the perfect gentleman, the fra
GRANGE OF the flower of womanhood
when full blown.
Young Mr.. Latehours was sitting
on the porch the other night watch
ing a -year-old-girl trying
to keep awake long enough to see
the morning star rise. They talked
astronomy. Il wish l was a STAR
he said, smiling at his own poetic
! fancy. 81 would; rather you were a
comet" she said, dreamily. His
heart beat unanimously. "And why?"
he asked tenderly, at the same time
taking her unresisting little hand in
his own; "and why :" he repeated
imperiously. "Oh," she said with a
brooding earnestness that tell upon
bis soul like bare foot on cold oil
cloth, "because then you would only
come around once every fifteen hun
bred years !" He didn't say anything
until be was halt way to the front
gate, when he turned around and
shook his fist at the house and NUT
tered between his teeth that lit
would be a laundering sight longer
| than that before hA came around