Morning journal and courier., 1880-04-24
VANITY OF VANHTEESs

Talk is cheap-unlsss a lawyer does the talking. Salem Sunbeam.
 Say, Edison, try mules shoe, try mules shoe, man. It may not do any better as light than horse shoe, but it will roake your enemies stand further baok.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 The young woman who cannot carry $20 parasol without covering it with $50 worth of lace will eventuate in calico afternoon dress and jute switoh.-New Jersey Enter prise.
 A Cincinnati young lady, who culis fashions latest terms from the newspapers, threw whole millinery store into state of excite msnt by calling for pair of hose nozzles." She wanted gaiters. Gazette. He knew enough to know whether she was guying him or not when she said, .'I was just telling mother, when you arrived, that 1t IS almost time for us to begin to have green things. ."-Syracuse Sunday Times. Professor-s'The ascent of Vesuvius is ex- sremsly dangerous, and it is necessary to be very careful. The mules go up quite easily" Freshman-''Wheny you made the ascent did you go up easily?" Curtain Freshman Acta Columbiana.
 It was at the opera house. The perform anos was about to begin, when one of the two strangers looked around and said: 'Bill, where is the dress circle ?? Bill glanced up l toward the third gallery, and replied: '1
 
 of his coat at"-Galveston News. boy can imagine almost everything; hs can lug an old shotgun about all day without firing at living thing and be under the i'm pression that hos having 8 bowling good tims. But all attempts to induce g boy to imagine that he's killing Indians when he is saving wood have proved futile.-Boston Post
 ''Why do you keep all the csramels your IN1a fvhi mother of her son 'swhy not give Lucy half of them7" 'Oh, because" said Johnny. ssBacause what ?" 'sBscause I'm monopo- list. Didn't you say the other day that if papa hadn't been 8 monopolist he couldn't a succeeded SO well?'
 The editor of newspaper that has adopted phonetic spelling, in measure, received postal card from an old subscriber in the country, which read as follows: ''I hsv tux your paper for leven ysres, but if you kant spel enny better than you have been doin far the las to munths you may jes stoppit. Gin cinnsti Saturday Night.
 1 Our attention is called to barber-ous error in the Lakeside Library edition of the Me noirs of Madame de Remusat." In part II, page 5, in first line of fifth paragraph in third column, the Madame is made to say: II re- nained two days without shaving myself at the St. Cloud" The correct reading is 'I remained two days without showing myself" etc.-Norristown Herald.
 : A class of primary children were busily en- gagged in their reading lessons; they read in order something like the following "The hat is in ths box" ''The man is in the box" ssThs rat is in the box s'The cat is in the box" When suddenly up came a little chub- by hand, the sign of permission to speak. "Well, what is it, Hattie ?" said the teacher. q should fink box 'ood be full after while"
 Distinguished Amateurs.-The Vocalist She-sI do hope you'll sing this afternoon. What Is your voice ?" He (modestly) )-"Oh, kind of sort of a baritone -tenor-bass don't you know; like Santley and Sims Reeves rolled into one-only under better control! Those professional fellows never know how to sing in drawing-room." She-''Indsedl No more do some amateurs. Pm told some dreadful creature was trying to sing Gounods Maid of Athens last Tuesday afternoon at Mrs. Ponsonby Tomkyns. Everybody WAS in fits, 1t seems" He-'fAt Mrs. Ponsonby Tom kyns'? Do you know you must make some mistake, for, oddly enough the only person who sang there last Tuesday afternoon was myself-and, by Q strange coincidence. Gounod's Maid of Athens was the very song I sang" She (blushing uncomfortably)- 'An, it was somewhere else then-or some other day" He-sNo doubt. I wonder where and when and who it could have been ?' (Is wondering still )EPuneh.