Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-11-12
Tic Way of the World.

Fresh GIeanings from tho Home and For
eign Crop Of HumOr.
Frui: is put up to he put down. So also
are ten pins.
The remark of Mrs. Malaprop at the
table when she gave tea party, that the
butter offered her guests was fresh from
the crematory, was not very relishing.
Wyoming ranchmen frequently come
across their own branded cattle which
they have missed for four or five years. A
COW will sometimes rcappear with whole
family of calves.
A boy in New Haven made a sensation
for short time by quietly transferring a
card bearing the words " take one !" from
a pile of handbills in front of store to a
basket Of oranges.
The writer for the press always has two
chances. One is that his matter may
be crowded out for want of room,
and another is that it may 90 in for want
of something better in its place.
We see by the Milwaukee Sentinel that
Daniel Webster died twcnty-eight years
ago. The Milwaukee papers are constantly
hunting some fresh sensational item like
this and springinS it upon an unprepared
public.
Miss Patey said, when Chicago clergy
man. in a marriage ceremony, asked her If
she would love, honor and obey her hus-
band: II will love and honor him, but
whether I will obey him depends on cir
cumstances.'
A crash is heard in the kitchen of a
house on Galveston avenue. The head OF
the family calls out to the cook ''What
have you broken now, you black idiot 90
E. 90
"'Taint the fort commandment, bress dc
Lord.''
A Galveston school teacher had a great
deal of trouble making 4 boy understand
his lesson. Finally, however, he succeed
cd, and drawing q long breath remarked
to the boy, ''If it wasn't for me you would
be the biggest donkey on Galveston
island.''
"I have q little poem that tossed off
in an idle hour the other day; what shall
| do with it ?' writes 4 young lady in
Iowa. Go up on the roof and toss it off
high. Pcrchance it may fall in waste
places and nobody ever be bothered by it.
A Cincinnati youth in two-column &C
count of 4 wedding, says that a bride wore
gown witha surplus neck,' that the
NSIC Sll
plus in the necl,'' and the brides mother
wore Il lavender satin 6 cut surplus in the
neck In fact, he seems to have thought
that too many clothes We're worn.
"Hcnry is so practical ~ said Mrs
. Youngwitc. ''When mother went into
the country last year Henry sent all her
things after her the very iiext day he
said she might want scmc Of them. you
know. And it's kind Of funny she
went Oh. "mothcr did want them, for she
has notcome back to live with us since.
Wasn't it queer %
A negro passing along Fleet street, Lon
don, was astonished at hearing voice
call out ''Iiow dye do, Massa Mungo?
How do ye do, Snowbail?' and, on look
ing up, observed it proceeded from a par
rot in Il splendid gilt cage. AHA, massa
parrot,' said blackic: "Jou great man
here You live in gold house now but
me know your faider very we'll. He live
in Eusl!.'
Justice Smith said on opening his court
ut Connersvillc, Tenn: s. William Henry
Smith is arraigned fo- assaulting his faith
cr.'' The magistrate had on the previous
day knocked his father down with 4 club,
and it was himself that he was now az
raigning. He continued "The evidence
is conclusive. and I'm not sure but ought
to send myself to Jail for ten days. But, as
this is my first offence, and / certainly had
good deal of prOvocation, l will simply
impose a fine of S10.'