Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-01-23
MUD TURTLES vs.. POLYPs.
Discussing q New Enterprise for Utilizl
North Queen Street.

MUD TURTLES VS.. POLYPs.
Discussing a New Enterprise for UtiIizlr
North Queen Street.
Last night very large and enthusiast
meeting convened on the roof of chicke
coop in the suburbs of Lancaster city,
discuss the practicability of utilizing Mort
Queen street as a proper place to cultivat
Inud-turtles. JededIah Toodles was calle
to the chair and Tomew Verdigris was az
pointed secretary. There were two Oppos
ngpartics present, namely the Mud-Turt!el
and Polypers. Some opposition was man
ifested against Mr.. Ne.digris, on the groun'
that he was a foreigner; brOken-dowl
organ grinder, Billy Chew, alleging that hi
proper English name is Greenfat, that h'
is all Italian, and knows no more abou
mud-turtles than an old musket does about
Sunday. After voting to pitch Billy into
the gutter for contempt Of court - the
meetin. proceeded in its organization and
its business. The first resolve was unani
nous, and this produced harmony for the
time being. 1t was voted without dis
senting voice, that the project of convert
ing North Queen street into an inland ship
navigation be entirely abandoned. 1t was
alleged by expert engineers that the street
for such a purpose was not practicable
without Il lock at the crossing of Orange
street, and this would be too expen-
siye ''to pay" for such limited trade as
it could command
But now came the tug of war; in
which there were belligerent demonstra-
tions between Greek and Greek. Although
the nseeting was a unit in deciding what
they didn't want, it was about forty in at
tempting to decide what they did want.
The Mud Turtlers had the largest vote, and
If there hadn't been SO many :" scattering"
they would have carried their point.
They argued that the street was only fit
for a mud turtle pond, and nothing else
that there was mud there at any time and
always; that mud turtles would find
ready sale at paying prices, and that they
coul remain there and multiply without
danger of being disturbed by the munich
pal authorities. This was rcbutted by the
Polypcrs on the ground that although the
city government might vouchsafc them the
horses of the MilIersville street cars would
smash en-, and thus the enterprise
would prove 4 dead loss to the stOckhold- |
crs. They further alleged that if the |
aforesaid horses should inadvertently |
tramp Il polyp to pieces. each piece would |
by 4 peculiar habit of the animal, soon
form the character and proportions OF a
st,s strI,f L., !
would appreciate rather than depreciate
the value of the enterprise. The Polypcrs !
seemed to he gaining ground, but just at
this juncture Il nincompoop in 4 corner
askel "what use conld be made of
polyps. This was poser, and nobody
seemed to be able to answer.
AT length old Mr.. Sniffpcck rose to his
feet and remarked that polyps contained
Il large amount of jelly, and could
be sold to butchers to make "SOuse''
without piSs-fect as easily as butter and
cheese could be made without milk Or
cream. At this point in the discussion
crisis occurred. The president, either
from citation, drowsiness, or loss Of
equilibrium. fell Off the ccop, and cried
d
of stove coal and he charged Billy Chew
with the preparation OF the act. Billy
replied that he denied the corn - when
the president retorteG that he ID for he
wasn't ''corned -" hardly ever had
becn-except once. anu then he was only
corner ed. To cut short the personal col
loquy between Billy and the president.
Mr.. Snillpeck moved the previous ques-
tion and called for the ''ycas and nays"
which resulted as follows: For ship
canal, .; Il mud turtle pond, ); polyp
pond, , {; pollywog rink, 1 a rotten slate
pike, Il Belgian block pavement, 9, and
Il buggy race course 1. with 1 scattering.
Mr.. DomphoOl moved for a re-ballot, on
the ground that he had forgotten to vote.
but just at the moment the secretary be-
gan to call the roll, the roof caved in, and
he fell down among dozen cxaspcrated
ShanghaiS and was nearly ruined by two
fcrocious roosters who were about divid-
ing him between them. After passing a
resolution to suppress the yeas and nays
as it might prejudice the approaching city I
clection-the meetin. broke up in row,
and a very important item in local history I
will thus be lost to posterity. The people /:
were looking with almost breathlcss anx-
iety for something very decisive on this
question. and are much disap-
pointed to find that all ended in fuss and
feathers leaving them in mess of
mud
POST SCRIPTUM.-After the great body
of the meeting had retired to their little
beds, a few of the scattering votes assem-
bied around tire-phg and voted unani-
mously to have ferry established at some
point on North Queen street, but they
could not agree exactly where, as every
one wanted it Immediately in front of his
own domicile. 1t is a pity that such a :
solid enterprise should fall through the
roof Of chicken cOop) for the want of I
unity ; for there were scores of men standing
around with their pockets full. of "rocks,'
either to subscribe liberally to the stock.
or engage in a free fight" a. the cxigen-
cics of the occasion might require.
Next day Mr.. Toodes came out in
poster dcnouncing this adjourned meet
ing as bogus concern, and admonished
his friends to wait awhile" as an idea
occurred to him that it might be good
thing to organize gondola club to nav- +
Vatp Nprji, n,,a.p Stronf nc xvnIl nc S,mn