The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-02-06
HASH.

Salt water will prevent the hnir from
falling out, but TO prevent its getting
pulled out get home early.
The young man who now makes
good resolution has previously becom
noted for his spree-ambles.
The man who tried to run newspa
per to suit everybody died in an Eastcrl
poorhouse eighty years ago.
A man having fallen down in a fit j.
tailor's shop, an envious rival said
"That's the only fit ever seen in tha
establishment"
A man never realizes how frail he 1
until he bursts a suspender buttoi
among group of ladies, and finds him
self slowly falling apart.
Tight lacing should be encouraged IL
every possible way. 1t kills of the fool
ish girls and leaves the sensible ones
No sensible girl ever laces.
A Liverpool boy recently hung him
self because s'somcbody found faul
with him." That boy was certainly no
born to be country editor.
The balance of trade may be regard
ed as slightly against the farmers wh'
c come to town with load of wheat ant
return home loaded down with rye.
A school-mistress asked what s-e-
spelled. The child hesitatcd; said thu
teacher: What do l do when l lool
at Mr.. S.W Thquint," replied thu
pupil.
Mrs. Elizabeth Thompson discover
from statistics that every man pays sew
enteen dollars a year for rum, whether
he drinks it or not. We shall prosecute
the man who usurps our share.
A gentleman accidentally steps on Q
dainty poodle led by an elegant woman
"Stupid! A little more and you would
have crushed Fido." "Ah! If had
crushed him 1 would have replaced
him." "YOu hatter yourself"
A little girl the other day referred to
the moustache of young man as
bang on his lip. An exchange warns
her that if she don't look out, one OF
these fine days she'll get bang right
under her nose.
Webster tells us that the definition OF
a bonnet is covering for the head,
but glance at some of ladies
headwear forces home tho idea that il
is merely q false-hood.-TD TDanielsonville
Sentinel.
AT the cattle show: Young Farmer
" Are you fond of beasts, Miss Gusher-
tonw Miss Gusherton-"O Oh, really,
Mr.. Pawker, if you mean that as decla-
ration, you must speak to mamma!-
[Punch.
Father (who is always trying to
teach his son how te-act while at the
table, -" Well, John, you see when,
have finished eating always leave the
table," John" Yes, sir; and that is
all you do leave"
"The nice young man." observed
the Elmira Gazette, "saveth his money
for next Fourth of July, but the foolish
one taketh his girl out sleigh-riding
and pays 81 for the privilege OF freez-
ing to death couple of hours"
Coleridge was acknowledged to be .
bad rider. One day, riding through
the street, he was accosted by would
be wit: 81 say, do you know what hap
pened to BalaamW Came the answer
Quick and sharp, "The same as happen.
ed to me. An ass spoke to him."
"If you marry Grace" exclaimed an
irate parent to his son, 81 will cut you
off without cent, and you won't have
SO much as u piece of pork to boil in
the pot "Well," replied the young
man, "Grace before meat" and he i'm
mediatcly went in search OF a minister
"Oh, doctor, the poor little fellow i
very ill. Do you think he'll liveT'
"Well," said the physician, looking in
tcrestedly a dirty-faced urchin. "Ii
he survives an application OF soap ano
water, there may be enough OF him lei
to worry through. Good day."
Nothing, says the Binghamton Re
publican, makes woman so mad as tt
90 TO shoe store to buy palr o.
cheap slippers for her husband ane
have the clerk try to sell her the identi
cal pair she had just worked for
Christmas present for her minister.
Among the replies to an advertise
ment of music committee tor "can
didate as organist, music teacher" etc.
was the following one: Gentlemen,
noticed your advertisement for an OF
ga mist and music teacher, either lady o.
gentlemen. Having been both for So
eral years, l offer you my services"
lie held the old shirt by the neck be
fore discarding it forever, but h
wasn't mourning for the garment. Ill
only said thusly: Il wish had all tn
drinks again that have gone through
that old neckband!"
Young man to photographer: "Ar
nv pictures done" Artist: "Let'
see," carefully scanning the younI
mans face and then the photograph
he holds in his hand: "whats til
name2" Young man, in astonishment
Jones, sir" Artist, having discover
ed the name on them: "OE, yes
these are yours."-T Yonker's States
man.
A statue of Eve is talked of in Sal
Francisco, according to the News Let
ter, which gives the following report 0
woman's meeting on the subject
"They praised up Eve and ran dow
Adam awfully. Adam was mean; h
told tales ON Eve about that apple
Eve didn't tell on Adam; she was tru
as steel. When the dreadful day came
and the deputy sheriff elected ther
from their homestead, Eve didn't stan
there blubbering, but set to work Q
once and made Adam an ulster of Il
leaves and herself new petticoa
She deserves and must have statue.
"The mill will never grind with tn
water that is past" sadly observed a
anxious father to a son that waste
more time and opportunities than th
old man could pay for. "No," reptile
the youth, sand it will never grin
with the water that doesn't get pas
either" and the old man wondere
why he never thought of it that wa