The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-04-30
COMICALITIES.

IT is in base drum that two heads
are better than one.-CiacinaaE ,SatUr-
day Night.
TAKE care of the pennies and your wife
will take care of the dollars every time
she wants new bonnet.
WISDOM for April-Never, never go
out without your mbrella--or some
other PERSONS -Eimird Free Press.
LOUIS G. TIFFANY received 81 900 for
his picture of "The Reaper" He
should work up one on the mowing-ma-
chine.
On, could stand where Moses stood
and view the prospect ore" Sings the
dabbler in mining securities Boston
Transcript.
SANKEY has written new hymn en-
titled els Your Lamp Burning?" We
burn gas, 80 the conundrum doesn't in
terest us. 1t is addressed to wicked peo-
ple.-NorristO,V Herald.
ELDERLY gentleman to freshman on
the train: "You don't have any tick
et?" ono, travel on my good looks"
"Then," after looking him over, "prob-
ably you amt going very far"
1T was IN the old days that congress-
men franked letters that rural post.
master returned a letter to an NJ. G. who
was stopping in town, and, stating that
the letter weighed more than one-half
ounce, requested u second frank.-BOs-
ton Post.
IF some one would successfully start
the report that ice-cream spoiled the
complexion and made women bow-leg-
ged, it would be thousands of dollars in
the pockets of our poor, but love-strick-
en- young men.-Phiiadeiohia ChrOn-
icte-HeraU.
"WHAT do you ask for that article ?"
asked an old gentleman of pretty shop
girl. "Five dollars" CANT you lit
tie dear?" "Why," she replied, "all
the young men tell me So" The old gen.
tleman looked as if he thought he had
been misunderstood.
"GooD morning, James; fine day."
eyes; person feels good after his bath
on such a morning." "Ye-yes." 81
take bath all over every morning now"
"COld water?" "NO; air temperature,
always" "When did you commence?"
"This morning. "-Ne,U orleans Times.
IT is said that the scorpion, when sur
rounded by circuit of fire, turns and
stings itself to death. Probably it feels
something like the young man after he is
Tilted, and whose only ambition IL to
get out under the silent stars and kick
himself over a fence.-ROcktand COur-
| Ter.
HERE is q small triumph for Mr.. OAR
win: "Why, my DEAR" said lady to
her friend, "where did you get that
beautiful monkey" "Oh!" was the
reply, "my husband travels great deal,
you know, and he gave me the monkey
that might not forget him in his alb
sence."
A DRUNKEN tramp Ill the lookup at
Owatonna, the other night, set fire to
the floor, but not relishing being roasted
alive extinguished the fire before ii got
dangerous Roadway. He then broke up
his bunk, and with the timber thus OBJ
tanned, broke a hole through the roof
and escaped.
The other day boy ON South Hill
yelled 80 loud that he loosened all his
hair ut the roots, and when the frighten-
ed neighbors rushed to see what the
murder was about, they found he was
only calling to another boy, standing
Just on the other side of marble ring
about six inches wide.
Ha,Okeye.
" Is this my train ?" asked traveller
ct the Kansas Pacific depot of n lors-5er.
81 don't know, but l guess not, was
the doubtful reply, 81 see it's got the
name of the railroad company on the
side, and expect it belongs to it. Have
You lost train anywhere ?-Ransas
city J0vrnai.
A DRoLL fellow up in Connecticut
fished a rich old man out of the mill
pond and received the offer of % cents
from the rescued miser. so, that's too
much" exclaimed he; "taint with it,"
And he handed back q cents, saying,
calmly, as he pocketed four cents,
"That's about right"
MAGISTRATE cit seems, prisoner,
that you took Is cents from the prose-
cutor's till. Now, put it toyou serious
ly; was it worth your while to risk your
character, yourliberty, your whole future
for such trihe?" Prisoner" Certain
ly not, your worship; but did not know
there was not more i'll the till took all
there was.
SCENE at Williams college. Junior
INcW tilS
-an'-and the Lord said, Lord said unto
unto Noses" here he hesitated and
looked appealingly at q neighbor, who,
being also unprepared, whispered, "Skip
it. Junior, going on: And the Lord
said unto Moses, skip it." Great con-
sternation ensued.
THERE is q mysterious evil one in
Reading, Pa, known to the police and
public as the "gum man." He meets
women Mt the unlighted corners of the
street and frightens them by lifting his
arms menacingly or by clutching their
shawls. So far he has done no bodily
harm. He is called the "gum man" be-
cause he wears rubber overshoes and
creeds stealthily.
A STORY is told of Gen. Buffers sar-
castle retort upon Massachusetts Judge,
whom he was teasing for ruling favor
able to a cause he was defending in
court. The Judge got out of patience at
last, and somewhat testify exclaimed:
"Mr. Butler, what do you think I sit
here for?" The general quietly shrugged
his shoulders and replied: "The court
has got me now"
A NICE distinction Housekeeper to
milkman: My friend, You put water in
your milk" "Oh, no don't, ma'am."
"But 1 am sure you do" "Oh, no,
ma'am." "Now will you say solemnly
that you do not put water in your
milk?" "Well, ma'am, well, must
say that sometimes put some water in
the can and then put the milk in that,
but never put water in the milk"
A GENTLEMAN states he VISITED the 9TH
er day an old curiosity shop, and was
speaking to the owners wife, who said
her husband was in the back parlor.
Soon the report of pistol was heard,
then second. Believing the unfortu-
nate man had committed suicide, he
rushed in, and saw him deliberately re-
loading the weapon with shot. An ex-
PLANTATION followed. He was "making
old furniture" by firing at an oaken
press to pockmark it as an evidence Of
age.
We ALL Have Il Now.