The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-10-01
A scandalous Dog.

man liked to run with the boys, and man
aged to use up considerable of the old
gentleman's substance for wine suppers,
fast teams and other unholy designations.
Consequently, this young man was
always in debt, constantly in need of
ready cash, and continually making
acquisitions on his governors exchequer.
At last the old gentleman took q tum-
BILE, whatever that may mean; but the
father had concluded to pursue, re-
marked to friend that the old man had
taken tumble. The said tumble con-
sisted in his notifying his son and heir
that from that on and hencefOrth no
more cash for any funny business, and
the old fellow was as good as his word.
Down in his heart of hearts the young
man was grievous sore, but he assumed
smile though he felt it not, and made
earnest plotestations of reform. Mean
while he kept on running with the boys
on tick Tick is one of those things that
has limit, and one day the hayward
son found himself at the end of his rope,
SO to speak, and at his wits end for
funds to keep up his end with the other
boys, and after canvassing the matter in
his mind and assuring himself that the old
gentleman was inexorable and no coin
could be squeezed out of him on square
proposition, he hit upon a happy ex-
pedient. Entering the paternal presence
and assuming q look of business, he
said:
Gather, have you read about that
man over in Brooklyn. that can teach
dogs to talk?"
If the old man had been in his halcyon
days of his youth, he would probably
have said, "Whatyergivinus?" but being
the father of family, he said, "What
sort of nonsense are you talking about
now?"
"Fact, sure's you live" said the young
hopeful; I've seen the thing myself, and
I didn't know but what it might be a
good idea to take old Tige and have him
taught. A talking dog would be a cheer
full thing to have about the house and
would make lots of amusement for the
children"
'My son." returned the father sol
emnly, ttPm an old man, and have seen
powerful sight of the world. and tell
you this is an age of humbug."
''That's all right, father but isn't it
likewise an age of progress? Look at
the locomotive, and the telephone and
the Atlantic cable, and the patent what
doyoucallem, and all those other things
they didn't know about in the days of
the revolutionary fathers"
Certainly, certainly my son; glad to
see you showing such knowledge of the
worlds progress. And do you really
think the man can teach dogs to talk 2''
"Sure pop! But it don't cost a cent if
it's failure. The Professor says he
don't want any money if the dog can't be
taught in one week to carry on a CONVEX
sation with anybody. The terms are
just these: You take the dog over and
pay the $50 in advance. Ii at the end of
a week the dog can't talk. you get your
$50 back again; but if he can talk you
pay $50 more, making an even hundred
for the lessons.
''Well, it would be odd to have old
Tige talking around the house, and I
guess we II try the thing, anyhow. You
can take the dog over this afternoon if
you like"
And the old man went down in his
& kick" as the boys call it, and handed
the boy $50 note.
Tige left the house that day.
From day to day the old gentleman
inquired of his SON as to the progress
Tige was making in his studies. The in
variable reply of the son was: The
Professor says he's just getting on fne.s
and is going to make talker from base"
At last the eventful day came when
Tige was to be brought home, and the
young man took the other fifty from his
trusting parent. That evening he came
home without the dog.
where's Tige?" ?" asked the Governor.
. See here, father" said the young
man. I've got something to say and it
10 %<, r oil fhk,
family. I'd like to have about five min
utes' conversation with you III another
room."
Father arfd son retired to another
room, locked the door, stuffed paper in
the keyhole, and the young man spoke as
follows:
'tWell, went over to Brooklyn and
got Tige, and he was dreadful glad to
see me, you bet. When we got on the
boat Just thought I'd have little talk
with the old dog to kinder get him broke
in, and astonish the folks when we got
home. We sat down at the bow of the
boat, and said, s. How do, Tige?"
IS Pooty well,'' said he, how's the
folks?''
Bang up,' says I.
Gals all well?" said he,
Fine as fiddle" says I.
Has Miranda and that big beau of
hers bursted any. more of the -parlor
chairs, sittin' on 'em double?" says he.
81 don't pay much attention to the
gals love affairs" said I, .tand Tige, you
musn' talk about such things they re
sacred"
'sLook here, Jim" said Tige, kinder
solemn like, and winking out of the
corner of his eye, look here, does the
old man keep it up kissing that e4ram-
bermaid with the red cheeks and pug
nose every time he catches her on the
basement staircase?"
Father, just imagine how I felt to
have the dog talk that way about the 4
author of my being! Now, what was I
going to do under the circumstances?
Could bring that dog home and have
him scandalize the family around the
neighborhood and before company? Not
muchl I just coaxed old Tige to the
edge of the boat and pushed him over
board. Dead dogs tell no tales.
The Judgment of the court is that the
murder is justiiable and strictly in self
defense" said the old man; and he gave
the protector of the family honor another
fifty, and suggested that 1t might bejust
as we'll to tell the folks that Tige died
a fit, and not to mention anything nt
his conversational powers ViyG765G
City Enterprise.
A GooD TRIcK-A Berlin photogra-
pher is reported to have made use of an
ingenious trick to attract customers.