Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-03-01

A mean man put Is hornets in a whis-
ky bottle and gave it to Texas man in
the dark to take a drink out of, and
though the hornets got IN their work as
they went down, the Texan remarked
that it want real Texas whisky, as it
lacked fire.
One of the lady teachers in a Reno
public school few days since was la
boring with an urchin on the science of
simple division. This is what came of
it:-Now Johnny, if you had an orange
which you wished to divide with your
sister, how much would you give her?"
johnny: IA SUCK
Norristown Herald: "Hi, there,
Johnny what you reading ?" demanded
careful mother, as she noticed her ii
year old son slip a book under his coat
when she entered the room. "lf ketch
you reading any O. them books about
Claude Duval or Captain Kidd, or Gov
ernor Garcelon, or Robin Hood, or any
o them kind O. highwaymen and thieves,
I'll thrash you good-now mind"
But one month has scarcely ELAPSED,
and yet Philadelphia girl is already
disgusted with leap-year. The other
evening as she began, "Will you" her
young man, without waiting to ascertain
whether or not she was going to propose,
sprang from the sofa, rushed off, and
has carefully avoided the house ever
since. And yet, aware that she possess
ed very large mouth, she was merely
about to ask, will you please shut
your eyes while | cape ?"
We met and yet en- as we met the
time had come for parting, the train
that was to bear ME off again was start
ing She grasped my hand and mur-
INJURED low, "Oh, how I've longed to see
you, Joe !" And, in a voice deep and
profound, said, "Wby don't you pass
'em round p And then she rose upon
her toes, when | did fondly hover, upon
the step above her. In vain: that train
If | may mention it again-was start
ing. Oh, why should fate so interpose
Itself between us and our bliss ? Her
kiss lit on my nose, such was our parting
She came on board as pretty as a
daisy and as sweet and fresh as an ele.
CANT make up could make her. There
was chattering aft, on the yacht, as tt
what they would have for dinner, and i
was agreed, for fun, that it was chowder
each one to do something for the same
"You have got to peel and chop th,
onions" says dandy kind of fellow t,
the pretty girl. agreed" said she
not wincing bit. and they all laughed
and pitied her. When the time cam
for fixing up things, kind Of urged.
bought that pretty girl peck of tn
fercest onions-you ever smelled
There is going to be lot of crying,
thinks /; ''if that would be the onl
sorrow iu her life !' Says she to me
"Mr. Roberts. do you haul me a buckle
of water" and did it. "Now," sal
she. lust you put them there onions i
that there water" and did. Then sh
> took off from her white fingers a lot {
, rings and put them in her pocket, an
asked for knife and, the onions bein
in the water, she peeled and sliced thel
! under water, and marry tear cam,
J nor nothing Now" says she. holdin
: out the tips of her pretty fingers, "wh
? will be gallant enough to kiss these ?
|. Seeing was cook, didn't like to |
so bold, but there was half dozen
/ - 4 r
y course, had no chance. That's ii
way | learned how ladies can peel OF
!. ions and not cry over them.