Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-05-21

The Hip Pocket.
What IL known among tailors - ~
"hip-pocket" 10 exclusively . chasae-
teristic OF the American species Ct
man:
Mr.. Withers is not Q western man.
and is wholly unacquainted with
whisky; but his recent experience Of
the incompatibility Of hip-pocket and
glass bottles was very painful and en-
barrassing. He had returned to his
Orange county home from brief visit
to New York, and had brought with
him ss present for Miss Wilson-to
whom he was betrothed-s bottle Of
that remarkable cement which is sold
by sidewalk merchants, and which d
by them represented as being much
stronger than wrought iron. It had
occurred to him that this cement
would be very nice thing to have in
his future house, since with il all sorts
of broken china and glass could be
mended, and every one knows that
children will break great deal Of
china. On the evening Of his arrival
home he put the cement bottle in his
hip-pocket and called on Miss Wilson,
intending to offer it to her as soon q
he entered the house.
Mr.. Withers was ar IDENTITY attached
to the young lady, and when he saw
her before him he not I'M naturally for
got all about such merely earthly mat
tiers as cement. The old people well
coined him politely, and, after few
moments of conversation, withdrew
with o discretion which it is to be
wished that all people would emulate.
Being of frugal mind, and knowing
that the merciful young man should
be merciful to his Intended father-in-
law in point of kerosene bills, Mr..
Withers promptly turned down the
lamp and proceeded to make himself
at home.
The bottle was stout one, and
would perhaps have withstood any Or
binary pressure, but az Miss Wilson
weighed fully one hundred and forty
pounds, and as the back of the small
rocking-cha was of hard wood, it is
not strange that the bottle yielded.
Mr.. Withers was 80 much interested
in the weather and other subjects such
as usually absorb the attention of
young men in his position, that he did
not notice the breaking Of the glass,
and it was not until an hour later. that
a false alarm of father in the front hall
induced Miss Wilson to flee to the
sofa. aud suggested to Mr.. Withers the
advisability of turning up the lamp.
The cement had done its work, and
Mr.. Withers did not get up to attend
to the light, but requested the young
lady to discharge this duty for him.
She did so, and then noticed his panied
and preoccupied expression. TO her
anxious inquiries he admitted that he
felt little faint and would like glasa
of water. Miss Wilson burriedly went
for the water, Representing herself for
being 80 heavy, and accusing herself
of selishness and want of considera-
ton. In her absence the young man
made superhuman efforts to wrench
himself loese, but the cement refused
10 yield. When Miss Wilson returned
with the glass Of water, he looked 80
much worse that she was really fright
ened and he was compelled to tell her
the real state of the case.
She was practical person, and she
promptly proposed to get a tea-kettle
of hot water and dissolve the cement,
but desisted when he explained to her
that his system would not bear tie ap-
plication of water at tie boiling point.
She then timidly suggested that if she
were to call pa. perhaps pa might
lend you pair; but Mr.. Withers said
no; he could not bear the mortifica-
ton of being found in such situation
by any father. It was finally agreed
that he should wait until late hour,
and should then take the chair homo
with him. This was accordingly done,
and had not the unfortunate young
man been arrested by local constable.
who only discharged him, when Q So
we're test proved that his possession of
the chair was purely involuntary, his
misfortune might never have become
generally known. When disasters
such as this are liable to happen to the
wearers of hip-pockets it becomes
doubtful whether they are not alto
gether too hazardous for general use.
In fact, good authorities maintain that
the hip.pocket is positively detrimen-
tai, and that an earnest and united ef-
fort should be made to secure its ex-
tirpation, Y. Times.