The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-07-01
WAITS AND WHlMS.

The hotel keeper lives on his inn
come.
Ten cents won't make mill between
pugilists.
Two heads are better than one, butnot
on the same pin.
The battles of the union-fght between
husband and wife.
DID anybody ever sec little "pig
lead" out by the ear?
DOES not farmer become cannibal
when he eats his own kline?
SINCE the foot produces ache-corns,
what kind of fruit will the negro.
The addage must be changed. Bread
always falls oleommgarine-side down.
MAN can not add one cubit to his own
stature, but he can make horse stall.
"PhEAsE pass the butter as the man
remarked when he sent his goat by rail-
AN apple threw the first man. Since
then it has sort o let the business out to
the banana.
MES with deaf and dumb wives possess
some advantage over their more unfortu-
nate brothers.
''rHIs farm for sale, subject to mort
cages and cyclones" is the way they now
hang out gns in the Southwest,
II the Government wishes to keep
colored cadets out of trouble, it should
plant watermelon patches at West Point
An Ithica man lost his wife and yell
low dog by one stroke of lightning, and
he tried for half day to revive the
dog.
The Japs study political economy. Ah,
yes we know what that 49, Five dollars
directly to the voter is worth go spent
on fireworks.
Twochurch socials at Topeka, Kansas,
led to five divorces, one violent death and
several fights. Seems to be q good place
Topeka quarrel.
Two French Senators meet: 81 have
lust come from the Senate. The sitting
lasted three hours" "What passed"
'lhree hours"
JAMES II. GALLUP and Emma Canter
were married at Grand Rapids a few days
ago Give 'em time and they'll make a
spanking team.
A YOUNG Darwinian: Jack Ito his mar
ried sister," Hi ! Polly Look f!
Here's your baby trying to walk on its
hind legs ~"
"PLANT no flowers on my grave Wien
[ am dead" she said. They didn't, but
a sun flower came up of its own accord.
Wasn't she foolish?
In the midst of life some men do all
the evil they can, and when they die the
papers tell lies about them at the rate OF
fifty cents per line.
WRINKLES are not always the sign OF
age. Look at the calf's neck. Or at
corrugated stove-pipe elbow. Or at
badly ironed shirt bosom.
AporHECARY-" You want this pre-
scription filed, sir, | understands" Pat
rick -"Divil bit of it, SURF 1t is the
bottle / wud have filled.
Ir is only the female mosquito that
bites, but when man gets chance to
belt one with towel, he's going to do it
without stopping to inquire its gender.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON keeps two
COWS and mjlks them himself. Some OF
his brightest thoughts have come to him
while being kicked half way across the
stable.
WHEN you sec man sit down in
BARRIERS chair, pin the newspaper round
his neck, and begin to read the towel,
you may put him down as absent
minded.
"WE11, MISTAKES will happen in the
best regulated families" as the old gen
tleman remarked upon hearing that the
tall and slender young man had stolen
his child away.
The young Englishman, just over, read
to his wife the heading of a medicine ad-
vertisement-"G Gained eight pounds in
ten days." and remarked, "Hexcellent
wages, that, Mary"
Household art decoration is what
takes with my boarders, " said Mrs. Gill
dersleeve, as she made bread pudding
and called her eldest daughter down
stairs to paint raisins on it.
A LINE in Welsh poem reads: "M
ganabi chwi ganu amty r,Cyrtn Pete.
We advise Pete to do nothing of the
kind. 1t would be injudicious. Norris
to,on Herald.
A MEDICAL writer asks: "Coes posi-
ton affect sleep?" 1t does, particularly
if the man is holding the position OF
night watchman. He is liable to be dis
turbed by the police.