Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1880-07-09
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and Humor.
There isn'ta vegetable that can ketch-
up with the tomato.
Railroads are built on three gauges:
Broad gauge, narrow gauge, and mort
gage.
Sitting Bull has got almost far enough
advanced in spring work to begin sowing
cartridges.
Go west young woman. The popula-
ton of Arizona is in the proportion of
one woman to four men.
"Oleomargarine" Is tthe name they
give to a goat up among the shanties,
because it is bad butter.
An Iowa woman put starch into her
husbands beer, thinking it was arsenic,
and was surprised because it didn't
stiffen him.
A religious contemporary tells GLOW to
make congregation sing" This is
going to be pretty difficult task, unless
a crooked pin is placed on each seat in
the house.
The will Of Mr.. Land, late of Ken
lucky, leaves all his property to his wife,
and specifies that she lean marry
again IT she wants to-" And yet people
sing about a land tl.at is fairer than this
"My dear, you're as good as gold," re-
marked Spilkins, as his little daughter
rushed down stairs to greet him. t1And,
what's more" replied the youthful Ma
tilda, "1'm rapidly coming down to par"
"Well. I swan, Billy" said an old
| farmer to an understood nephew who
was visiting him, when you take off
that ERE plug hat and spit two or three
times, there isn't much left of you, il
tharw
A few days ago Norwich man bought
chest of tea in Providence, and on
openingit it, found stone inside, weighing
nearly eleven pounds. He remarked
that the weighs of Providence are very
mysterious.
It is human to doubt. Display sign
with the inscri ption Beware of paint"
and nine men out of ten will draw their
toretingers across the newly painted sur
face to see if the sign is not merely "an
invention of the enemy"
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in \ photographers gallery,
their portraits being taken at the instant
| that the concluding words of the cere-
mony are spoken. The two alternatives
made negative. as it We're.
What beautiful example of simplicity
in dress is shown some of the followers
of fashion by the domestic animal, the
cat, which rises in the morning washes
its face with its right hand, gives it's
tail three jerks, and is ready dressed for
the day.
Suppose we pass a law" said a severe
father to his daughters" that no girl
eighteen years old who cannot cook
shall get married until she learns how
to do it? "Why, then, we'd all get
| married at seventeen" responded the
girls in sweet chorus.
Brown had been in love with young
lady, and asked permission to call her
by the expressive name of some animal,
which was granted on condition that
she should have the same privilege. On
leaving, Brown said, Good night, dear'
"Good night, bore!" said she.
Hard Labor-Parish Lady: We CAN
not give aid unless we know more about
you. Where do you live? Girl: At
home, mem. Parish Lady: What is
your father? Girl: A workingman,
mem. Parish Lady: Where does he
work? Girl: He don't dono work, mem,
please; he's on strike.
There has been separation between
an uptown lover and his sweetheart.
She presented him with her photograph,
which he, on his Bonded knees, swore
he would always wear next to his heart.
Last Sunday evening he pulled out his
handkerchief from his back pants
pocket, when 10! the photograph fell at
his lady's feet. She says he is either a
liar, or else his heart is not in the right
place.
Now is the time to put memberships
on the old mans gate so that it won't
creak or slam. Its getting warm enough
to stand outside now. Grease the front
stoop with hunk Of pork. This will
give you block start, and you can get
round the corner, turn quickly, pass BIN
as he bolts down the street after you.
and have an extra half hour with her
while he's chasing some other fellow
who is running after car.
There is one consolation left when
winter is in full blast. 4 man can sleep
now as long as he pleases and not be
worried by such sounds as "Here y'are,
termattuses, terpunkins, terpairs, ter
peaches! Four sents er kerwart !"
A runaway bridal couple from Cleye-
land, Ohio, turned up at Louisville re-
Gently, penniless, and had to beg lodg-
ing. The bride had pawned her ring
and both were in great distress, but full
of pride. They said their trouble arose
from failure to receive money from the
groom's parents, who are wealthy.
The Russian nobility are numerous,
and, as class, by no means rich. Pre-
vious to emancipation, about twenty
years ago, Land proprietor was not
thought wealthy unless he possessed at
least five hundred serfs. But only 1903
proprietors had more than that number.
while Al 600 had less than twenty-one.
Judge Yellott's acquittal on the charge
of drunkenness, while on the Supreme
Court bench, in Baltimore, was wholly
on technical grounds. Some of the
counts in the Indictment were stricken
out because they related to intoxication
more than year ago, and those that
charged recent intoxicatiop did not al
lege that it was while in the discharge
Of his official duties.
The dry goods trade now has repre-.
sentative pape called by that name and
published in New York by Peters 4
Richards. It starts out in the first num-
Der with several useful articles, among
which may be named one which con-
trasts the present with the proposed new
tariff, showing at a glance tie changes
proposed so far as they relate to the dry
goods trade.
A movement is In progress to estab-
lish in Birmingham, England, college
for the training Of Wesleyan ministers.