The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-03-16
MRS. SMITHS PEDDLER's TRAP.

OF the house had just succeeded In per-
fecting an invention which is ultimate
ly destined to revolutionlze the great
branches of industry known by the
term "itinerant," and to deprive hosts
of men of a lucrative employment
The domicile of the Smiths Is located on
Mission street, just between Woodwards
Gardens and the city front. 1t may be
recognized by the front yard and the
very peculiar canvas apparatus which is
attached to the fence. This piece of
canvas stretches from the top of the
fence to pair of poles firmly fastened
to the sidewalk below, and forms an In
clined plane, reaching nearly to the
round, which bears close resemblance
to the netting used, in gymnasiums and
circuses as safe receptacle for falling
acrobats. This canvas arrangement is
only portion of the great invention al
luded to; the principal part of which is
located beneath the doorstep. For sew
eral years past Mrs. Smith, in common
with her sister housewives throughout
the city, has been harassed by the visits
of peddlers, sewing g-machine agents,
medical canvassers, vegetable venders,
travelling tin smiths, insurance solicitors
and host of the other gentry who an
noy and render miserable the female
population of the city. Mrs. Smith less
fortunate than many housewives, is
without a servant and has hitherto been
compelled to make all the way from 800
to 400 trips day to the front door. In
fact, the bell rang, tinkled, buzzed and
ratified almost continu ally, and SO great
was the strain upon the tintinnabulat-
ing apparatus that new wire has to be
put in two or three times a month, and
even the knob wore out quarterly. This
state of affairs was not only expensive
and troublesome, but it was gradually
reducing Mrs. Smith to skeleton, and
she daily waxed weaker and more atten-
uated She calculated, and calculated
very correctly, that she travelled from
six to eight miles day in her tramps
to the front door. AT last Mrs. Smith,
inspired by desperation, hit upon the
plan which has since proved so effec-
tive. A skillful machinist was imme-
diately employed and directed to con-
struct beneath the front doorstep COM
pact and powerful apparatus connected
with spring on the inside of the thresh-
hold, which, when pressed by the light
foot Of Mrs. Smith, would suddenly
bring into play the great forces of the
hidden machinery and press the door,
steps upward with such terrific velocity
that its occupant would be hurled into
space. The flying peddler was supposed,
after being preolpitated from the door
step, to describe graceful parabola
which would have its termination in the
depths of the canvas. The receptacle
being an inclined plane, was expected to
gently drop the involuntary acrobat to
the sidewalk below. At last the ingeni-
GUS apparatus was completed and the
mechanic assured the inventress that her
idea would make young peddler shoot,
thus unconsciously inverting an old ex-
preston. He also expressed his conf
dence that the aforesaid canvas would
invariably be the place of descent. On
the day before Christmas Mrs. Smith
placed a chair near the door and serene
ly awaited the jingle which would indi-
cate the approach of her first victim
She had not long to wait. Before ten
minutes had expired the bell gave a pre-
monitory tinkle. Opening the door
Mrs. Smith smiled on the outsider with
more complaisance than she had mani
tested for years before. She did not for
get, however, to place her foot IN con-
venient proximity to the little spring be-
fore mentioned.
Madam, F" ingenuously asked the un-
conscious intruder, may 1 sell you
sewing''-
He was, however, called away so sud-
denly that he had no time to complete
his question, for Mrs. Smith pressed the
spring, the step flashed upward, and 10
the poor sewing machine man disappear
ed. Alas for human ingenuity, howev-
er, he re.appeared at the wrong place,
and instead of falling into the canvas
SO kindly prepared for his convenience,
struck against the fence with great vio-
lence, just after completing his third
somersault.
The neighbors thought that an unfor-
tunate eronaut had been pitched from
balloon, and fiocked to thespot in scores.
The poor fellow had a leg fractured, and
the doctor across the street added anoth-
er to his list of patients.