The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-04-22
{ from the Minneapolis Spectator. ]
THE MAGIC SHOT GUN.
From our Corresponding EditOr.1

those things that no 1Cllan COulu ma
OUT But no matter how he came by
the title, it was very evident that 1t
was nine sizes too large for him. He
could not begin to I'LL it, and lie knew
it, and the constant conviction seemed
to wear upon him night and day. He
was in hopes his neighbors had not dis
covered it, however, and he was bound
they never should, if honest effort on
his part could help it. Physically,
he was large enough for the name; 9TH
erwise, the name was too large for the
wearer, whose life seemed to be con-
tinual endeavor to ignore the disparity
between the two. When lie straight
ened up with Il jerk, lie seemed to say.
Don't you see am Colonel Shuckle-
tlopper?' When he walked the street
from his hotel to the post Office or drug
store, his toes and hands would turn
outward, his heels would stab down.
ward and his head would toss upward
as though every member Of his tall hui
munity were reaching out to touch the
bottom, the sides and the top of his tit
le; but it Was like Il mouse trying to
gain a permanent foo hold in Il big tin
pail half full of water.
ut last there came Il time when it
seemed us though the ''Coonel's" noble
aspirations were not always to be fooled,
and his valuable life wasted in frutless
rebellion against the inevitable. AS in
the case of Grant and other great mil
tary heroes, unforeseen opportunities
were to back up to him, all saddIed and
brillpd, and say: stump on Colonel,
and takaa ride.:' 1t could hardly be
said that Providence came to his aid,
but rather that the lively old bachelor
in black who is mentioned in the book
Of job. as ''Golng up AMI down in the
earth, " and whose daring eccentricities
have, through the grlce Of John Mil
ton, entered so largely into the theolng
zeal myths OF the past and present., in
Spired the hearts of Il band of Southern
''gentlemen' to leave their sunny realm
and attempt to rob bank in the North.
But yellow fever and Southern inva
sions never prusiered in the North, and
this banking enterprise WAS no eXcep-
ton. Lee, with !On. 900 brave soldiers
failed in Pennsylvania. and it could har
tl|y be expected that the james boys
would be able to conquer Minnesota
with six or eight men.
The invaders were beaten back.
Some We're killed aud the rest took to
flight without ca'ryi'g with them a
dollar of plumber. y large reward WAS
offered by the b NIX. and another by the
State for the capture OF the surviving
cOntputrateS. who were rttreatlng to
the southwest Among the noble vol
untecrs who enlisted for the war upon
the rOl,l erS, WAS tl'c gallant Colonel
:>huck|t!npner. True. he had 40 arms
unless it might be his dining room ear
wing knife. but where there's II will
there's Il way. and the chivalroUs 'Col-
ontl' adopted. Wa~ characteristic of the
man. In 81 ntiyhb rs house WAS 4
youth in his teens who had heard the
call to arms and Snu!fed the battle from
affair. and who want Il Il portion OF the
reward This young IMAM had an elec
pioneering document which lie imme-
uiatr1v prnc,tdt,} to load with seven
huckShot and II Stag. lie had Just
ram,nvd down the last wad. put some
lnuyhnuts in his pocket 1T the sugg,'S-
ton of his mother, and taken hasty
farewell of the family. when the floor
Shurklttipprrr, whose tall form appear
eu suddenly in thr doorway. "Iemme
have Yer gnu. quick, gaspcd tEr intru-
der. "But." answered the boy, 1--WE
jrS lna,et it. and IN goin' fer them
"l'ulln~ man.: responded the heroic
''Culonrl. " us he elevated his Sl,oultl-
ers. and stabbed The rNcltpu youth will,
an expression between Il fruwn and one
uf those seductive smile : tiat he used
- level 1T solitary females who rode on
his stage in the days Of yurt; "virtuc is
its own reward. BE virt,ious. like me,
;,.h yea ii never think Of no such thing
us reward when the land is overrun
with foreign hordes, and bleeding ut
every pore, as 'tWtre. | 90 because of
true patriotism. Our prairies are being
plougheh by the hooEs OF the bandits
boss, and 10y the Eternal, them invad.
ers must be driven back. if [ am com
PEELED to take ,rcihle possession Of ev-
cry did shot gun ia the town. Gim-
me the gun. l. GaWd' And without
fun tilcr argument he pulled the danger
Gus piece from the l>anu: of the enraged
yu.lth and departed for the front.
The arms Of the EDrti, were crowned
with success. and the Associated Press
dispatches of the next morning con-
tanned the following significant para
graph:
zone Of the robbers was laid low
10y Il ball from the nrt,lle gun in the,
hands of Colonel klrHnp;'tr.'
When this WAS read to the crowd on
. the Street corner, Il smile Of sincere sat
i faction. sue, as I've had not known for
wears lit UU ht, classic face Of the no.
! bic 'Cnloltl.
''Therr." he chuck|pd to himself, II
reckon nobnly won t thy to jump my
claim to the title OF Colonel after
, tIlis.;'
And for a little while is seemed. in
deed, as though hereafter he would be
enabled to read his title clear.
But there was man III that crowd
WHO WAS not convinced. That man
WAS the father nl the boy who owned
the shot gun. He went to the house
and found his boy crying and swear
ing with rage and disappointment be-
cause the ''CnIunel' had c,n,;riptul
/ his gun and secured the reward and
glory that really WlS due to the guns
owner.
My son. said the father, is your
gun Il uetdlr gun?"
'Not's | knows on. l wish twas II
needle by gum. III sew up ole ShuckIe-
Hopper so domb tight he'd never want
to rip around ne any nore.'
"Nevpr mind old ShuckltflnVper. Is
the gun lnAIel?'
II dunno, twas when he jerked it
away from me-"
"WlEtt witl.?''
">-vcn buck shot an Il slny.'
'-Gtt it and see what 5 in it now.'
Slowly the boy took down the g"n
and inserted the ra,nroI. extracted the
upper w;,h, and turned the m,ZZIe to
the floor. and out rolled seren buck shot
and u slug.
10 this clay the "Col"nel' has never
been able to explain how the original
ch 'rgp remained in that gun without
! protest while the same gun was doing
such fearful execution upon the bank
robbers. And still they call him 'Col-
OnpI''