The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1880-02-22
HUMoRops,
the water wont run, faucet.

II the water wont run, faucet.
There Is good deal in name-to a banH
check.
Men go to the tOilor's to pay forfelts,--
Boston Post
The backbone OF this winter can never be
broken, II Is too timber,
4 eourtshp's only crew consists OF two
males,- Rochester Express.
No, Re6ecca you do not cook boof on Il
cattle range,-[ Yonkers Statesman.
What Is hons without broom-stick 7
Il Yonkes Gazette, A place that even
tmid man might enjoy,
North Carolina has another queer marriage:
that of u one.egged man in Buncombe coun-
ty TO u one-legged woman,
The Princess Louise was accompanied by
sixteen servants Another case Of 'sutoh
sixteen Philadelphia Chroniclo-llemld,
Alince pie, like Masonry, arouses curiosity
from the mystery attaching to IT, It's popu-
arity shall never wane until faith Is lost in
sight
\ woman In Iowa fooled with straw cut
ter in hardware store, lost two fingers and
secured $500 damages on the ground that the
cutter was not labeled dangerous"
There is some good in Mark Twain There
Is one little spot on earth for which he proves
he has some consideration by refusing to tell
whore he was BORN Louisville Courier
Journal
Whist in the drawing room, eucrc in the
steam cars, pool, sippio and billiards every
feha m lN ana V,attn a. -.
Even the infants have their crib-agc. Il Bos-
ton Transcript.
Teacher in high school at --"Are pro
and con synonymous or opposite termsW
Schoar--"0pposite." Teacher-"Give an
example," Progress and Con-
gress. Norfolk County Gazette,
"John, we won't have potatoes enough for
dinner with so much company; what shall
we doT Tell them we've lost our potato
masher and the girl had to use her hands.
They won't ask for any" said John,--[ oil
City Derrick.
Mamma-"Well, Johnny, I shall forgive
you this time, and it's very pretty of you to
write letter TO say you are sorry" Johnny
Eyes, ma; don't tear it up, please" Mann
mo-"Why notg' Johnny-"Because ii will |
do next time."-[ Exchange.
A Chicago man has had lost tooth re-.
placed by one transplantcd from the mouth |
of a young girl, and now at party, when
the rest Of mis- mouth is Watering for salmon,
said, and quail on toast, that tooth Just
aches for ice cream and frozen pudding.
Son--"Pa, what is lap of luxury"
Father-"Sh, you must not talk Of such
things, my boy you are too young yet |
got into one when your mother was girl
with sigh) but she's old now and you
can't comprehend. Yonkers Gazette.
How to predict the weather: Take sau-
sage and put il down rat hole. If ii comes
out on Candlemas day and walks around, it
is sign of pleasant weather. AT least that
is the way with the grounding, and a sausage
is nothing but ground hog, you know
Philadelphia Bulletin,
Does not the dressmaker who dies from
commit suicide ?-[ Rochester Ex-
press. So it would appear to the unbiased
mind. = [Oswego Palladium. You should
nave said: "Sew it seems" [Syracuse ,
Herald, Continue this base treatment and :
veil have your gore.
A Philadelphia man remarked in the pres Z
nee of twenty-six ladies that he hid just Z
'ound an elegant switch of false hair, and '
wenty-three of them suddenly put their
lands to the backs of their heads before they
,elled at amt mine" And the fellow hadn't
ound any switch after all.
In little family discussion, the other day,
he madam remarked, somewhat tartly,
when marry again" 81 suppose you
will marry fool, interrupted the husband. :
Beg your pardon" said she, 81 shall do
othing of the kind. | prefer a change" =
The lord and master wilted.-- Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Cod-liver oil cured an old lady in Massa-
husetts of something or other. The Latin
or it, "Oleum Jecoris Asselli," was abbrevi-
ted, apothecary style, to cole Jec. ASS"
nd when the lady's friend congratulated her
n recovering, she said, enthusiastically, it
Ias that beautiful medicine the Oil of Jack
IS, that brought me on my feet again."
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