The Lamoille news. (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1877-1881, 1880-12-08
HUMOROUS.


The actor who cannot draw is worse
than q blister.
What is the spot most dear to cattleP
Their fodderland.
A woman who goes to church 10 show
her sealskin sack is sack religious.
The prevailing vice among the black
smiths is an iron one Free Press.
Return from the chase: "Well, uncle,
what have you killed." Time, my
dear"
A Boston man has invented new
word, "Astronometeorology," and
already there are six men in the country
who can pronounce it.-Boston Post.
"Dear SIR" said an amateur farmer,
Just from the country, writing to the
secretary of an agricultural society,
"put me down on your list of cattle for
a calf"
We are progressing as nation toward
refinement. The wheelbarrow is now
called the unicycle. But it is just as
hard to run with big trunk on it as 1t
was under the old name.-BoSton Post.
When a boy walks with girl as
though he were afraid some one would
see him, the girl is his sister. If he
walks so close to her as to nearly crowd
her against the fence, it is the sister
some one else.
The writer for the press always has
two chances. One is that his matter may
be crowded out for want of room, and
another is that it may go in for want OF
something better in its place.-Ne'1
Orleans PtcGyWne.
care you any relation to my sisterP"
He blushed and stammered until the
young lady, taking pity on him, solved
the matter by saying: "No, but he'd
like to be; wouldn't you AlfredP" Cards
A young man who went to Colorado
to grow up with gold mine writes to
his parents in the East that he will
leave for home as soon as he Can borrow
pair of pants; he still has his vest and
| necktie. -Middletoa0n Transcript
The Boston Post cites the case of a
Vern ont man who recently killed two
birds with one stone, and did not feel
very proud Of it either. He SHE'D the
stone at hen and hit the birdsiin cage
behind plate glass window.
A Norristown man who is so near
lighted that he cannot recognize his
friends across the street, always dodges
| around corner when one of his credi-
tors is a square off aud coming toward
him. 1t must be instinct. -N'rrsSto'c's
Herald.
A transcedentsl preacher took for Lis
text, Feed my lambs" AS he came
out of church plain old farmer said to
him: "That was very good text; but
YOU placed the nay so high in the rack
| that the lambs couldn't reach it, nor the
old sheep either"
The editor OF the New Orleans Plea
yane having been out unsuccesstully
With dog and double-barreled shot
gun longs for the good old days when
man could kill two birds with one
stone.
The passenger who got on the train at
Simpsons Corners bought banana o
the train boy, patiently chewed it down
and dryly remarked that the blamed bo
logna would have tasted better If they
had cooked it clear through - Ha'ot =
eye.
Some fellow has discovered that there
are 33525 WAYS of spelling scissors. LII
he had been correcting manuscript for
a newspaper. he would have discovered
that there are about 999 999 ways OF
spelling every word in the English Ian
guaee .-SteubeavSlls Herald.
A New Yorker advertised that for one
dollar he would send directions how to
cure q turn-up nose. A young lady VINO
forwarded a dollar received thesdirec-
tions next day. She was advised to
employ a blacksmith to strike her q
heavy blow on the end of the nos with
q sledge- hammer until cure vas ell
, fected. A very striking remedy, but she
didn't follow the directions.
, Thus, with kind words, Fairace cajoiei his
friend,
Dear Dick, on me, thou mayest assured oe
pend;
T know tby fortune is but very scant,
Rnt never will SEQ my friend in want"
Dick, soon in Jail, believed his friend would
free him;
He kept his word want he ne'er would see
him.
e "What do you charg, for shave
berep" asks dusty, travel-stained man.
entering a barber shop. 1t just de'
, pends on mans occupation" VS. the
( reply; "what do you doP" I'm
4 hook agent" "Then it will cost you
9 twenty. five cents" "Why, you charged
g the man who went out only five cents :
4 ~ know it; but he's lightning-rod
: agent and peddler of photographs
Q tickets, and he allows me to hone my
$ razors on his Cheek samercu1e Jour-
nal.