Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-12-29
FUNNYGRAPAS.

The painted Indian is got up to kill.
regardless of expense.
lime moves bicycles and eternity NAV
be reached on veloclpede, go
The ladies are wearing little gold tun.
ing forks for .hairpins, which indicates
"There's music in the hair"
The best of us are apt to be mealy
mouthed about three times a day
Yonkers Gazette.
ONE OF our exchanges says that the
electric light is too cold and hard. WHY
not thaw it out little?
It's wonderful how many things q bow
can hit with coal-scuttle on his way
down cellar when he has had his feelings
ruffied
WHAT is the difference between a
blind man and traveller in the hardware
line? One is pig-iron buyer, and the
other is lead by dog.
( BERNHARDT dies so realistically that it
IL said coroner who saw her ran around
to the stage door and wanted to hold an
inquest. Boston Post.
SMITHS youngest, the first time he
tasted an oyster, after seeing two shells
and but one fish, boldly asked for "the
other half. Their is great future be-
fore that boy.
Why" asked Sunday school teach
er of little boy, "did Jacob marry the
| two daughters OF Labana?" "I dunno.
except perhaps he was satisfied with one
mother-in-law."
A CLEVELAND boy was asked by his
| ho -
angel and with the angels stand" Said
the boy: 81 would rather stand here
until after Christmas, and see If Santa
Claus does not bring me top and new
sled."
SMART volunteer captain "dressing"
his men at " charge" Lean more
forward, Mr.. Jones, that" touching the
the point of Jones bayonet, "couldn't
resist donkey" Private Jones (sotto
Uoce)-" Couldn't it? Just tryp'
CURE for love fit:
| Tie one end of q rope fast over beam,
And make a slip-noose ut the other extreme.
Then, just underneath, let wicket be set,
/ On which let the lover most nanfully get.
! Then over his head let the snicket be got
And under ear be well settled the knot.
The wicket kicked down, let him take fair swing,
And leave all the rest of the work to the string.
THE young people had just settled
down in their new house and had en-
gagged very capable servant. At the
third breakfast the husband said, slMy
DAZZLING, why are all these hairs in the
hash ?" She replied, "Pet, it is only a
misplaced switch"
AS the time for employing plumbers
is upon us, get the steps to the trap on
the roof of your houses set up. No
! plumber can tell what ails the kitchen
drain until he has been up on the roof,
and if the steps are all ready, it saves SO
much time,
A PAINTER was arrested and taken be-
fore ajudge for stealing an overooat. On
being asked what explanation, if any, he
had to offer, he replied that force of habit
caused him TO i've himself another
coat to make good Job of it," He found
it rather bad job before he got through
with it.
| WHEN Boston girl is shown a baby
by its proud mother she smiles sweet
biological smile and says that sit is GER
tainly a nice infant" Show q New York
girl the same and she Will nearly smoth-
er it with hugs and kisses, and say it is
the sweetest title tootsey wootsey, poot-
sey of a muzzer's darling, 50 it is.
AN American millionaire not long
since visited Europe. A travelling
friend asked him what he had seen,
mentioning all the noted sights; among
others, he asked HIM If he had seen the
Dardanelles. sob. yes," replied old
Moneybags, "they dined with us the
last night we were In PARISH
The wife of General Winfield Scott
once wrote the following verses in an
album:
/ Women have many faults;
: Men have only two;
| There is nothing right they say
And nothing right to do:
sBut if naughty men do nothing right
| And never sly what's true,
| What precious fools women
To love them we do.
"WHY, Jennie, you foolish girl, come
into the house. What are you out in the
snow for without wraps?' ooh, moth
ing much, ma. You see Augustus has
just called and here are his footprints in
the snow. I'm measuring to get the
right size for those slippers, and do you
know, don't believe I've got half cloth
enough in them. "-Ne,O Haven Regis-
ter.
AFRIEND-" What remarkably hand
some man Mr.. Thistledcwn is? You
are fortunate il this marriage" Mrs.
Thistledown (recently married thesecond
time): eyes, dear; is he not f? And do
you know, hear there are envious crea-
lures who say he only married me for
my money. Just fancy! Well, he's
worth $4,000 year to sit at the head
of my table. Judy.
AN observing ocean-steamer captain
says he knows at once whether young
woman has left her lover at one port or
expects to meet him at the other. If
her lover is behind her, she cares moth
ing for wind, rain or fog, but gets tan
ned, freckled, and roughened in a highly
independent and healthful fashion; but
If her lover is waiting for her, she takes