The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1880-06-01
TEE COURTs.



o,u,uoss Cssssdnes-The court looked serio-
,,,c 90 10 speak, ~ he waded into the r0om,
- his ssmbrero, set his glasses astride hin
and took possession Of the stand BE vas
-,-h.lx l.couic, a. IL were, and motioned the
-, 10 a seat in the corner with the same
mr.. that proved fatal 70 . large hoassny,
., b.ppened 10 be INDUCING In demsniacal
-,;s,b,nic rehearsal on the top Of hs head, juH
:, that moment While seeming inclined to
.-,;Ie 10 contemplation OF thepresent the shadow
- .ome past recollection evidently put Q check
>, his risibles, and the two expressions becAms
o.-nlexinely blended, while his fingers Woald
.-.r.nd anon abstractedly wander 70 that part
= his rrsuisl anatomy from which The hair had
,nv.seriOusly disappeared. The reporter was
-,.ou, 10 inquire the secret cause Of the courts
A,sl humor. and suggest peppermint and cat
-, xb.n the latter asked: "a Is George Williams
--s.enty- That aitenuated, three cornered gen.
,lsn.n Of color was there. He was smiling,
,oo and seemed ready 70 accommodate the au-
a;ence 10 ANYTHING from fishers hornpiPe 10
,.ssaee from Paradise Lost" or . selection
from Hicks
George Williams" said the court, solemnly,
d. von stand here charged with assault and bat
,ery'-ill-reating and abusing the wife OF your
buzum What sav you, guilty or not guiltyr
Not guilty, yo AOnsh- l has never salted de
ooman neizer has ] battered her. As fer treat
IN | has had no mo2ey ter treat her, er any I'D
der man. ebbes sence de justus OBJ de peas hitched
ne on fer de emery critter Ef de jedge will
low me ter state de fac's in de case
When your time comes We will now hear
the complainant. Mrs. Williams, viii you be so
kind As to tell the jury your story" said his
honor. turning 10 9 meat-axe, hard-cider, cross
cut-saw. pepper and vinegar beAn-pole-looking
supposed femme individual.
Dat Il will, sir, wild de most exsquelshingest
,usdeli,y. But doesn't desire dis cout to pass
snr insiuyuwations. l com'd here to day TO lay
down de law an de gospel Dat man dar, dat
little houn pup a-settin' dar in dat cheer, is my
husban would you blieve hit?-but hits de
gospel truf and de fac's am desc: He know he
have treated me scan'lous an if he do tell you
be sinl-he's liah. sab He's jest about e good
r. quit me, sab, an gone long wild er nudder
oomAn-dats hit'-dat's de trouble l-dat's de
L
1sr house de odder day and went in fur to fetch
I'm home but he fused to cone an den when
coiched him in de collar, he hit me, an onder-
tack Tel remolish me wild q cheer, sab. An"
continued she, her eyes swapping, lips smacking.
AMI her honey finger, sharp nose and whitening
glanoe levelled at the covering culprit-" an
he chOked me- and 'bused me shameful Use
hara aha a
Madison Recorder -" What oh yes, dat /
Kin show EN- and the buttons began to fly,
a. she betrayed unmistakable symptoms of an
inclination to disrobe before the bench.
Sop for Gods sake, STOP shrieked the
oSuri, as three bashful young men on the jury
went into a dead swoon.
Great heavens. this thing must be stopped !
Sheriff! make that woman keep her clothes on 4"
continued the court, frantically, as the foreman
Of the jury tumbled down in heap and the re-
naming two crawled under the table The
court itself grew white at the glls, the reporter
whistled sbsently and became absorbed in the
freseo overhead, while the crier chased OF q
small boy that had laughed in the presence Of
the court last week
Mrs. Williams was finally prevailed upon to
desist, and order was restored. The two jury
men crawled out from under the table again .
The foreman rallied after awhile and, by dint of
cold water. camphor and coaxing, the three
bashful young men were brought to-" The
crier returned and stood against the WALL as in
uocently as BEFORE but it was not deemed safe
10 permit Mrs. Williams to proceed, and that
lady sal down so emphatically as to endanger
The bottom of the chair. Her Witnesses were ex-
smined without any further disaster, and then
came the statement of her leige lord. He licked
the 65th psalm and meekly began:
ledge, is you a married Ani-Den yOu
KNOWS somethn about trouble. Dis CONAN,
ike she says, is my wife, but she have fret me
purity nigh outn my life. She am . jealous
CONAN. sab -pow'ful jealous. She's alters q
Pokin round in de day time an at night spyin
On me She don't want me to talk to no sorter
conan. and I'm boun ter talk long er somebody
case A< amt nothin ter me. She won't chen
cook for me; an morn once she's sot her long
heels ia my back an landed me out'n de bed
she's used de poker, tongs and shovel all on m e
an she hab occasionally combed my head wild
De skillet Now what sorter CONAN is dat fer
man 10 hab fer a wife, Wy, jedge, she has
eussed me orfully. ! wouldn't gin to peat 70 de
cou'i de names she hab called me. Dat CONAN,
sab. wants 10 git rid er me- She hab offered me
Eve dollars an fifteen cents to part wild 'er. She
wants TO git diwo'ce, sab. She have worked
al kinder ways to put me in de pentenshry
She hAb been tryin' to do dat fer eight or nine
year all just fer to git rid er me. She has fire.
qneniy swo dat she would git rid er me, IF she
had Ter put me in Jail Wy, sab, wunct she I'm.
dertaken 10 whup me wild de pillow lines befO
oomp'ny Does ysu b'lieve you could stan SIGH
- dat:r
Well, is that all - asked the court, after Mr.
Williams had gone on in this strain for half an
hour
Not ALL yo' honah," was the reply. i de-
sizes 70 'splain few pints furder in dis case.
Jes ike she says, sab, we met ct de house whaT
derides de bone OBJ contention. She commenced
Arier me like she allers does. 'spostulated wid
er bat 'tWant no use; she had de debble In e.
Hungry a. war, abe tuck de plate what had
De dinner IN Il an smashed hit all ter pisces On
De noor. Den abe tuck dat edder DOMAINS big
lie pitcher an busted hit on de door, an said
he tended TO bust hit ober my head Well
eOurse got mad arter dat an struck 'er-on'ey
once Didn't beat 'er, ner bguise 'eF, ner break
\ char ober her-Wan't . char In de house
Bot ! tel you, jedge, you has no idee what .
AgyVatin' creetur she IL ="
Well d that all" INQUIRED the court n &C.