Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1880-03-18
Mrs. smiths PeddIer's Trap.

The dOmicile of the Smiths is located on
Mission street, just between Woodward's
gardens and the city front, in Detroit. 1t
may be recognized by the front yard and
the very peculiar canvas apparatus which
is attached to the fence. This piece of can
vas stretches from the top of the fence to
pair of poles, firmly fastened to the side
walk below, and forms an inclined plane.
reaching nearly to the ground, which bears
a close resemblance to the netting used in
gymnasmms and circuses, as a safe recepta-
Gle for falling acrobats. For several years
past Mrs. Smith, in common with her sister
housewives throughout the city, has been
harrassed by the visits of peddlers, sewing
machine agents, medical canvassers, vcge-
table vendors, travelling tinsmIths, insurance
solicitors, and a host of other gentry
who annoy and render miserable the female
population of the city. Mrs. Smith, less
fortunate than many housewives, is without
a servant, and has hitherto been compelled
to make all the way from three hundred to
four hundred trips day to the front door.
In fact, the bell rang, tinkled, buzzed and
ratified almost continually, and so great was
the strain upon the tintinnabulating appara-
tus that new wire had to be put in two
or three times month, and even the knob
wore out quarterly. This state of affairs
was not only expensive and troublesome,
but was gradually reducing Mrs. Smith to
a skeleton, and she waxed weaker and more
attehuated. She calculated, and calculated
very correctly, that she travelled from six to
eight miles day in her tramps to the door.
At last Mrs. Smith, inspired by desperation,
hit upon plan which has since proved so
effective. A skilful machinist was imme-
diately employed and directed to construct
beneath the front doorstep compact ana
powerful apparatus connected with spring
on the inside of the threshold. which, when
pressed by the light foot of Mrs Smith,
would suddenly bring into play the great
forces of the hidden machinery and press
the doorstep upward with such terrible
velocity that its unfortunate occupant would
b. hurled into space. The flying peddler
was supposed, after being precpltated from
the doorstep, to describe a graceful parabo-
la, which would have its termination in the
depths of the canvas. The receptacle, be-
ing an inclined plane, was expected to
gently drop the involuntary acrobat to the
sidewalk below. At last the ingenious ap-
paratus was completed and the mechanic
assured the irventress that her idea would
make the young peddler shoot, thus uncon-
sciously ;nverting an old expression. He
also expressed his confidence that the afore-
said canvas would invariably be the place of
descent. Mrs. Smith placed a chair near
the door, and serenely awaited the jingle
which would indicate the approach of her
first victim. She had not long to wait. Be-
fore ten minutes had expired, the bell gave
premonitory tlnkle. Opening the door,
Mrs. Smith smiled on the outsider with
more complaisance than she had manifested
for years before She did not forget, how
ever, to place her left foot in close prOxlmi
ty to the little spring before mentioned.
F'Madam, ingenuously asked the uncon-
scious intruder, ''may sell you sewing
He was, however, called away so sudden
ly that he had no time to complete his
question, for Mrs. Smith had pressed the
spring, the step had flashed upward, and 10!
the poor sewing machine man had disap
pcared. Alas! for human ingenuity, how
ever, he reappeared at the wrong place,
and, instead of falling into the canvas SO
kindly prepared for his convenience, struck
against the. fence with great violence, just
after completing his third somersault. The
neighbors thought that an unfortunate
aeronaut had been pitched from his balloon,
and flocked to the spot in scores. The poor
fellow had leg fractured, and the doctor
across the street added another to his list
of patients. The machine was Immediately
perfected, and the next morning operated