The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-04-09
MIR. and Mrs. Paradox.

''Only three short years since we fur
nished this parlor together" said Mrs.
Paradox, "and now"
:'Yes nowr' echoed Mr.. Paradox, reso-
lutely thrusting his hands deep down in
his trousers pockets. "Things are altered
now, Able Jane"
"Only three years" said Mrs. Paradox,
sorrowfully.
''Three years of cat and dog quarrel
ing" commenced the husband grimly.
'You said the pink damask. window
curtains were Just the color of my
cheeksr' faltered Mrs. Paradox.
'.And even then, if you'll be good
enought to recall the fact to your
memory" Mrs. P.," remarked her hus-
band, 1--WE couldn't agree as to the
pattern of the parlor carpet, nor whether
the walls should be kalsomined or
papered."
1--WE never have agreed said Mrs.
Paradox, with pursed-up lips.
'sAnd we never shaIlp' said Mr.. Para
dox.
perhaps it's better on the whole, that
we are to separate" said the lady.
"Oh, altogether" asquiesced the gen.
tleman, rattling pennies indifferently in
his pocket.
s.We never were suited to another" "
sighed Mrs. Paradox.
sCouldn't have been worse matched if
we had tried for it, remarked her hus-
band.
.'It's a pity we hadn't found it out be
fore we were married." said Mrs Para
dox.
ssBetter late than never" said Mrs.
Paradox.
.sYou said you loved me-" said Mrs.
Paradox.
"Well, I thought did"
''I might have known that men were
deceivers ever" quoted the wife.
"Oh, come now, Abby Jane, that isn't
fair" said Mr.. Paradox. "Ourkfrst quar-
rel was when you turned Rover out of
the parlor-the old Newfoundland that
had saved my life. !"
.sNo, It isn'tl' said Abby Jane, with
spirit. .sIt was when you called my aunt
Anastasia an old BORE" and said you
wouldn't take her to to the evening
prayer meeting. My aunt Anastasia, with
property in Government bonds and a
temper like an angel'sT
''That's all very WE'LL said Mr.. Para
dox, "but you seem to have forgotten
that you treated my friend Dickens as if
he had been o house-breaker, when I
brought him unexpected to dinnerr'
ssYou refused to take me to Saratoga,
when DIR. Dodkins said that the waters
were essential to my health!r' flashed out
the lady.
"You wouldn't consent to have my
mother come and live with us" retorted
Mr.. Paradox, twitching his moustache.
eff your mothers temper was half as
bad as yours" began Mrs. Paradox,
flushing to the very roots of her hair.
3'There you are again!" said Mr.. Para
dox, beginning to pace savagely up and
down the room. "Who on earth could
be expected to put up with this sort of
thing?'
ssYou'l not have to put up with it
much longer" said Mrs. Paradox draw
ing herself up.
s'Thank goodness, mop said Mr.. Para
dox.
.sThe lawyers will arrange all that, :"
enunciated the lady.
s'The sooner the better" said her hus-
band.
ssOf course it will make dreadful
scandal me going home to mamma, and
all" faltered Mrs. Paradox.
ssNot at all, said Mr.. Paradox. "Sep-
stAnd dare say" cried out his wife,
.'that as soon as you get to Nova Scotia,
or wherever the horrid place is that
you're going to, you'll be making love to
some other womanp'
ssNot IT, said Mr.. Paradox, quite un-
moved by his spouse's taunts. "Tve had
quite enough of that sort of thing, thank
your
'.Here's the lawyer coming to draw up
the papers," said Mrs. Paradox, looking
out from between the rose colored
damask curtains, "and am glad of it. ;
$50 am T. said Mr.. Paradox, with
finty hearted callousness.
you're a bruter cried the wife.
$50 ven have often remarked before,
said the husband, biting off the end of a
cigar.
That's no reason why you should in
suit me by smoking in my presence!
''Do not be afraid madam-you have
already taken sufficient opportunity to
inform me of your aversion to my
habits"
And only the entrance of the lawyer
suficed to arrest impending hostilities.
It was quite true. Mr.. and Mrs. Para
dox, after q union of three years, had
agreed that they couldn't agree, and
were to sign legal separation. It was
altogether the best thing in fact the
only one, they mutually decided. 1t had
been sco1d, scold, carp, carp, fret, fret
ever since they had walked out of the
church porch. Domestic peace had
long ago folded her wings and foated ont
of the window; love and tender sympa-
thy had shrunk, startled away. And at
the end of three years friends had been
called in council, solemn session of
relatives had been held, and Mr.. and
Mrs. Paradox were going to separate.
You're sure you don t'care for her,
Louis ?" Paradox's dearest friend and
college chum had said to him.
ssOh, that's quite thing of the past"
said Paradox, with a shrug of the shoul-
ders.
.sYou have ceased to love him, dear p