The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-06-05
Letter from MellkOfi to Isurdette


MY dear Robbie, your Favor of the 2d with
enclosure OF SIS is at hand. am eternally
obliged and will hand it to you the first time
| meet you at st. Petersburg. Such time as
we had yesterday morning at the winter pal.
Iace! The Gar got out of bed on the wrong
<side and was as cross as two sticks. Nothing
pleased him, and toward noon he began sink
ing SO rapidly that the court physician was
summoned. He talked with his majesty few
moments and said to me contidentaly: He
needs excitement he lacks his usual stimulant.
When was he last shot at?' | said: Nearly
three weeks ago The physician shook his
head, and said it was enough to XIII him; and
instructed me to do something. SO | fixed ii
all up and when the Gar was coming down
the front stairs, | sprung out from behind a
door and hit him an awful clip with bolster.
Somebody else hit him in the face with "a snow,
ball, we threw INN through the glass doors of
the conservatory, poured a tub of ice water
over him, fired a shot gun behind his head,
split his coat down the back, emptcd a can of
kerosene on his head, kicked HIM down the
kitchen stairs and blackcned his eye with a
pair of brass knuckles. 1t would just have
done you good to see how the old man bright
ened up. AN he said, rubbing his hands
chcerfully while the doctor was pastlng court
plasters all over him, and a couple Of attend
ants were pulling sivers out of his back, All,
ne said. smiling upon us, this is something
like living. Meike, dear, cut somebody 5
head off and we'll 20 in to breakfast Eggs
are cheap and butter is scarce We haven't
had any rain for nearly two weeks. Love to
your brother John and come to see me some
time. Ever yours '-UGjokeye.
Ii appears that NJ. Ketten, says the San
Francisco Post, was invited 20 a party at the
pf pf Dlutncrats
importing merchant, and attended the same
with his wife, as would any other expected
guest. To his surprise, however, he found the
company sitting solemnly around as though
in a concert hall, and himself at once pressed
to play something" by his host. The cour-
teous Frenchman complied, and, IN response
10 repeated requests, continued To entertain
the company for nearly two hours. When at
last he was thoroughly fatigued, supper was
announced, whereupOn the host arose and
said: You've got piano punching down fine
ketten, old fellow. Now if you'll play these
young folks few quadrIlles and pOlkas while
the balance CT US goes down to hash, I'll send
up Martha Louise TO relieve you presently or
If you like, YOU can have something sent up
and eat II right here en- the piano. | first
kinder calculated to have engaged couple of
hddlers, but the old lady sand she thought YOU
wouldn't mind III make il all right when
you GO" The astOunded artist gaZed at the
speaker who was well known to have been
bar.keeper in the good old days. for few
moments, utterly dumfounded then, control
ling himself he gravely turned his back and
began playing dance music as requested
When the company had all assembled in the
parlors, he raised his voice and SAID: Pray,
let some whisky lemons and sugar he brought
in Ii was done. Now, then" said Mr..
ketten, fixing his eyes on the host-"new, then,
mix us some cocktails, my good fellow; every
man to his trade" There was an awful silence,
and then the shOddycrat with a CHASTITY at
tempt TO carry of the joke, prepared the drink
and handed il TO the musician. The latter
drank the beverage critically Your losing
practice, my good man; the fellow at the hotel
bar does muck better There you may keep
the change" and tossing the most asphyxi-
ated millionaire half dollar, he put HIS wife
under his arm and walked out