The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-09-10
COMICALITIES.

program RODS them oI an m.
DoEs persnn become stOne-blind
who il petrified with astonishment?
Ar seaside hotel-Guest TO waiter:
"Do you call that q clean plate?" eyes,
SIR; that is only bit of SOAP"
The Chinese are the best cigar-makers
in the world, because they can use one
third oakum where white man can't use
any.
A MAN out west was offered plate OF
macaroni soup. but declined it, declaring
that they couldn't play off any billed
pipe-stems on him."
A MAN named Tassell drowned himself
in Pittsburg the other day. Too much
corn In the Tassell was what allied him.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
GIVE his pants 70 Cousin Tommy.
And his Httic silver cup.
It was In the month Of August
Green corn curied our darling up.
-Goethe.
ONE Of the latest marriages in Cincin-
natl was John Damn to Anna Pleiffer.
It il to be hoped that Anna's curse will
always come home to roost. -NashUiHe
american.
FULL many rose il born to blush I'M
seen, and waste it's fragrance on the desert
air; full many nip il taken behind the
screen, and cloves, and coffee, too, are
| eaten there.-ELc.
A YOUNG man sent % cents to New
York firm for the purpose OF learning,
" How to get along without blotter III
writing" and received this reply:
write with lead pencil. "-ROchestcr
Democrat.
The papers arc making a great ado
over the discovery OF mica bed. Mrs.
Malobey sends Ils word that she discov-
ers Nike abed every morning when
the boy ought to be up splitting wood.
--Eschangc.
He was sitting in the parlor with her
when rooster erSwed in the yard, and
leaning over he said: "Chanticlear."
~ wish to gracious you WOULD! she
Gail. "Im sleepy as / can be-" He took
his hat and left, and hasn't been back
since. --Ehiiddeiphia Times.
A coAsrINa vessel WIS tossing about
in the heavy storm of last Thursday,
when one OF the sailors, hanging on q
rope, thoughtfully observed to COM
panion similarly employed: "Think OF
the poor devils caught at apicnic in such
weather as TINS. -I)dnoorV NcWs.
A New YORK paper contains an article
headed "The Capture of Mai. Andre.
We had almost despaired OF this traitor
ever being caught, but now that he is III
custody il 10 hoped an example will be
made of him. This has been good
year, 80 far. for capturing Ultlaws.-NOr-
ristOVn HeraM.
A FELLOW once walked out Of u store
in Gloucester with fish, which he had
stolen, tucked under his vest. He hadn't
gone far with his plumber before he was
brought to halt DO shrewdpasser-by,
who, taking in the situation at glance,
exclaimed: "See here, my friend, you
ought either TO wear longer vests or steal
shorter fish"
"THE man with the cork-leR can snap
his fingers ut steamboat accident.
Not unless he Gun quickly remove his
cork leg and tie it around his neck.
When a MIN with cork leg is thrown
into the water, he floats with that leg
up and his head down, and that is very
unhealthy. The water runs into his
ears BroOkln Union Argus.
Two Vassar College girls were OH their
way over the Albany x Susquehanna
railroad the other day maryland y
yelled the brakeman, as the train pulled
up ut a station. "What did he say?"
asked one of the girls. I" Maryland"
replied the other. ooh, let's get out T.
exclaimed the first, with sudden interest.
But they were too late; the train had
started.
A LADY called recently Mt the house Of
q friend, and there met gentleman who
wis introduced to her rs "new
boarder." After he hud left the room
she said to her friend, "Why do you
keep that odiOus creature around? He
doesn't correspond with the rest Of yonr
furniture" Imagine her surprise when
informed that he was her friends new
husband.
An article is going the rounds of the
bross on "coal tar colors." Barker read
only the headline and then threw down
the paper in disgust. "Coal tar
colors. he said, sadly. "Of course it
does: every fool knows that, and l found
it out after had sat on a stoop with n
pretty girl for half mn hour and had q
new pair of light pants on. ! CHANGED
TO st ON the exact spot where her
brother bad put little !. coal Io.a ar :, and
the next morning l knew it coiored.
"SHE dresses quietly, lis the comment
of one of the fashion journals OH we'll
known belle. It il an absurlity. When
woman dresses there Ii more rafting
round of shoes and corsets, and banging
about of washbowls and pitchers, and
calling for this and for that, and slam
ming doors and breaking off bureau
knobs, and-and-snd we have often
wondered how the mirrors stood it 30
well. We don't believe woman ever
dressed quietly, but Of course we don't
know. How should we9-Ne~ Hapen
Ir was Oh Sound boat, and, the
mate was evidently annoyed about some
thing. "Carry it forward" he roared.
"Carry It forward, you lunkheaded son
of n sculpin, or hope to be gee whiz-
zley eaul busted to jude If don't maui
the dad slammed head off'n ye with a
capstau bar. YOU hog-backed molligrub-
her. vel" And the deck hand looked up
in profound admiration, and said: "By
George, cap, if ] had your cuichur 1
wouldn't be arunnin' % mate for no man
on these waters; I'd be commcndin
boat OF my own"
UNLUcKn.Y, the fair one with the gol-
den locks was not at home when he called
that night, and her younger sister came
waltzing into the parlOr 20 meet him.
And. OH horror OF horrors! she had
pinned On her little head q mass OF golden
curls, which the poor fellow recognized
ut once. "Sister Bellies gone out, said
the little mink, "and ] thought I'd put
on her curls and come down and see her
beaup This broke up the intended
match, put an end to sonnet-writlng, and
other vague, lover.like rhapsodies, and
added one more to the fearfully long list
of Saratoga old bachelors.-Sophfe
Sparkle.
THIS is how he come for to be Lon
don waiter: "My father was Green
Grocer, and when the Swells as we served
with Vegetables ~ their Dinner tables
Civ Party Father went as Waiter or
Butler, as the case might be. Wen I
seed him drest in his lovely SCOT of Black,
aud his beauticful white Choker, looking
for the world like Bishop without his
apron, nv heart was fired with Am
bishun, and l said to myself, If it 30
grand to be meer Ammytoor Waiter,
what must it be TO be reglar Perfes-
slunal! SO Waiter become, always
having before me the possibilerty OF one
day amerging, like o crissliss from a
grubb or wisy wersy, into full blone
Footman to Sheriff or even Lord
Mare!" -
A OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES man, lame
and feeble, and carrying q pint bottle
full ~ something. halted pedestrian on