Feliciana sentinel. [volume] (St. Francisville, La.) 1877-1892, 1880-05-08
COL. soLoN,s WEDDING PRESENT.

"I,ye been q thinkin' to-day"
said Col. Scion, as he came into
the DERRICK Office, yesterday, "of
nv old chum Joe Blinker. You
never knowed him. Me an
him were cronies in the army,
an we were the best of friends
for nigh on twenty years, It'll he
married the old maid J hnson.
That kinder split the thing an
we amt spoke since"
"Xou shouldn't have dropped
the acquaint; nee just because
he got married, colonel"
ooh, I didn't dropit. 'Twasn't
me, but twas about present l
sent 'em. You see a few weeks
afore the weddin' Joe came to
me an seq he, Colonel, l know
as how yer a goin' to give me
some sort Of a present" GOT
course" SEE l. 'An',' continues
Joe, EFF it's all the same, jest
yer Civ us su'thin' useful instead
o ornamental; o. We might
make it useful as we'll as orna-
mental SEE he. E'Only don't
give us any gimcracks an hita-
lutins wat don't do any good.'"
"Joe," sez I, "I'll do 'er. Yer
sensible t. the last"
s3'Chis was fore I WIZ mar
ried, yer know, and I wuz jest
as ignorant of wimmen kind as
a monkey is of Italyum opery.
But thinks 1 to myself, it must
be sutMin' ornamental as well
as useful, an l was bound to fill
the bill. I studied on The pres
ent for a whole week, and
dreamed of it at night. l start
ed oncet to buy Joe a bootjack,
all painte(l-over with yaller and
red, an then I thinks l oughter
cit suthin' for the bride inside
of Joe. At last l hit it. Miss
johnson was skinny and old
so old she'd lost all her up per
teeth. I saw her laff one day
when I went along with Joe to
see her. an that ar vacancy be-
low her upper lip, like a hole
where a board lad been knock
ed off a barn, jest jagged the
idee right inter my head. / got
the most beautiful set O teeth
yer ever saw. Nice ivory sot
in gold. 'Joe,' sez to myself
Joe, I've hit it; useful as we'll
as ornamental"
"Waal, when the day sot for
the marriage cum on, ] had the
rheumaticks am couldn't go
But I'd got a big card printed
with the biggest letters in the
printin' office, Accomplishments o.
Col. Scion to the Bride" along
? the top, an then I tied on the
teeth in the middle of the card
an just below I put this 'er bi
> of sentiment in big letters which
: I writ myself:
Nature abhored q vacancy,
But tits our joy still
TO know that peoples toothiess gums
A dentists art can ill.
, 81 tho't twas a very nea
l sentiment an ] repeated it owe
5 to myself sev'ral times. Well
yer see, I sent that card up
j, and the boy stuck it right NJ
, in the middle Of the table, jus
5 as the ceremony was bein' per
I formed, anger could read thos'
5 letters clean across the room
; The minister saw 'em, an h
5 jest stopped for a seckund, al
, then went on as if he weren'
: sartain Of the words, am some
body kinder snickered, an thu
, bride looked around am sh'
, saw it, an'-waal, they dey
say, she broke rite off, an tor
) that ere kard into five hundred
pieces, and chucked the teetl
out the back door, an durne(
nigh broke up the weddin'."
"a NJ that's why Joe's family
an mine don't hitch; though
sakes alive, he didn't geta pres.
ent that day that 'ud have i'm
proved the appearance of his
household so much as them all
teeth"