St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1880-09-04
ALL SORTS.

purse.
will some one please explain why
it is that a house-Hy always folio"s
balu-headed man ?-[ Houston Post.
An exchange says that three -tourths
of the Parisians are poor. 1t this is tru9
they are just exactly one-quarter aneau
of the newspaper men.-[H Houston Post
The waves of the mighty deep may
break for centuries upon the rocky, ree1'
but they will never get any tiatter broke
than we are right Dow.--[ Houston Pose.
The editor of country paper, hav-
ing received a bank note detector, re-
turns thanks and modestly asks for some
bank notes upon which to test its accu-
racy.
An exchange speaks of a man az
"but one step removed from u mule:'
All that We have got to say is, that ne Is
in a mighty dangerous splace.-lHouston
Post.
els he rich ?"askcd the tourist. eyes"
replied the sexton. Il guess he is pretty
wealthy-at least he never puts moro
than ten cents into the plate Sunday
morning.
A little boy OF four years was Sleep
said: "Why, Tommy, you are lying right
in the middle of the bed what will poor
Harry do? q "Well, ma" he replied,
"Harry's got both sides"
-''The editor of the Whitney (Texas)
Bee was lately presented with Il cucum-
Der four feet ten inches long, Ex.
There is either first-class liar in Texas
or there will be Il dead editor in a short
time-[ Houston Post
Smith: 81 once possessed splendid
dog, who could always distinguish be-
tween Il vagabond and respectable per-
SON." Jones: "Well, what became of
him ~ Smith: "Oh, | was obliged to
give him away. He bit me-"
-"How can | make my boys stay at
home - asks an anxious mother. The
only way that we know of is to chain
them to an eight hundred pound anvil.
This method has met with considerable
success.-[lloustonP Post.
-"SmOke in any room you please"
said she. This was three months before
marriage. you've been smoking that
nasty, disgusting old pipe in here again,
and declare if the room doesn't smell
loud enough to knock a person downm
This was six months after marriage.
The Western lady who read in q
newspaper that baking Dowder was q
good thing, thought sli Il bake some,
and her old man, on arriving where the
cabin had stood, said he wouldn't mind
the affair so much, if she'd have let the
dog out before blowing herself and the
property to glory in that style.
in New York recently a Miss Mint
married Mr.. Penny, and the Houston
Post feelingly writes the following
verse:
Now two hearts arc fondiy joined;
VIII they doubt each other any?
No; but the Mint hc loves so well
Will coin tull maHy Penney.
A newlymarried lady, who, as in
duty bound, was very fond of her hus-
band, Notwithstanding his extreme ugli-
ness OF person, once said to q witty
friend: "What do You think NV hus-
band has paid ten dollars for a large ba-
boon on purpose to please mew "The
dear little mani cried the other. "Well,
it is just like him, for all the world ~
Not long since young man devoted
four solid hours of his time to writing Il
poem entitled "The Princess of the Rose,"
which he respectfully dedicated to his
sweetheart. He sent it to paper for
publication, and the printer set it up
"The Pimples OH her Nose." He never
recovered from the shock, and at pres
ent is selling patent medicines in Lead
vile.
-Wemen, it seems, are fitted by nature
for performing certain tasks. When q
rain begins to fall one of them can dash
out in the back yard and strip clothes
line of every garment on it before you
can wink three times. Can man do
this? Not by q large amount. He will
dash out, fall over an ash barrel, tear
his pants, knock the skin of. his nose.
and then limp back into the house and
swear for two hours. Women are snpe-
rior to men in some respects, and there
is no use in denying it.-[Houston Post,
Don't get out of anybody's way.,'
says Henry Ward Eeecher, but this sort
OF advice won't do. When q man. as
broad across the shoulders rs bulletin
board, and has a fist on him like pile
driver, comes along the street chock full
of mean whisky, it is best to get ont of
his way. Henry Ward Beecher me- never M
has been knocked through four drv
| goods boxes and show case in his life.
or he wouldn't talk that way.-[ Houston
Post.
"A New Jersey farmer heard strange
noise among his hens one night seven
teen years ago, and fired shots gun from
| his bedroom window. The other day he
received $500 from an unknown man.
/ who stated that having his legs filed
with birdshot had made an honest man
of him, and now, as he was about to die.
| he desired to reward the shooter.
| -One of the School Board Inspectors
out West asked Il small pupil Of what
the surface of the earth consists and
was promptly answered, "Land and wa
ter" He varied the question slightly
| that the fact might be impressed on the
boys mind, and asked, "What, then. do
land and water make :" To which came
the immediate response, "Mudu'
An Englishman says that no other
people in the world, so far as he knows.
can equal the Arkansans in off f-hand ex-
aggerations. "Do you see that snrinr
over there, strangere 7" one of them said
to him, not long ago. 'Yes,n he replied.
"Well, that's an iron spring, that is. and
it's so mighty. powerful that the horses
about here that drink the water of ii
never have to be shod. The shoes lust
grow on their feet naturally"
The elder Rothschild was man os
great independence Of character. md
had little patience with the overbnar;ne !.
manners of the nobility. One dav the
Due de Grammont called on him wban ,au
he was writing. The millionaire lifted
his head, nodded, and asked the yis;t"r %
to take a chair. The Due was not c. ar
customed to such a reception, and said,
with hauteur, 'Alonsieur, am the Duc
al n 111,n I, Alox N mn