The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-04-16
How a Married Woman Goes to Sleep.

There IS an article going the rounds
entitled 'sHow Girls go to Sleep" The
manner in which they go to sleep, ac.
cording to the article, can't hold candle
to the way a married woman goes to
sleep. Instead of thinking of what she
should have attended to, before going to
bed, she thinks of it afterward. While
she is revolving these matters in her
mind, and while snugly tucked up
in bed, the old man is scratching his
| legs in front of the fire and wondering
| how he will pay the next months rent.
Suddenly she says:
James did you lock the door?'
Which door?" says James.
s"The cellar door," she says.
NO." says James.
sWel you'd better go down and lock
| it for I heard some person in the back
yard last night.
Accordingly James paddles down
| stairs and locked the door. About the
time James returns and is going to get
into bed, she remarks:
'Did you shut the stair door?"
s'No," says James.
"Wel1, if it is not shut the cat will get
up into the bedroom
Let her come up then," says James
| ill-naturedly.
She'll suck the baby's breath"
Then James paddles down stairs again
| and steps on tack, and closes the stair
door, and curses the cat, and returns to
the bedroom. Just ashe begins to climb
into his couch his wife observes
81 forgot to bring up some water.
Suppose you bring some up in the big
tin"
And SO James with q muttered cu9e
goes down into the dark kitchen and
falls over a chair, and rasps all the tin
ware off the wall in search of the ''big"
tin, and then lie jerks the stair door open
and howls:
'sWhere the deuce are the matches?"
She gives him minute directions
where to find the matches, and adds that
she would rather go and get the water
herself than have the neighborhood
raised about it. After which James finds
the matches, procures the water, comes
up stairs and plunges in bed. Presently
his wife says:
about money matters. Now. next week
I've got to pay
"I don't know what you've got to pay,
and I don't care" shouts Jams as he
lurches around and jams his face against
the wall; ''all want is to go to sleep"
''That's all very well for you," snaps
his wife, as she pulls the covers
viciously; ssyou never think of the worry
and trouble I have. And there is
Araminta, who I believe is taking the
measles -
"Let her take 'em," says James, stick
ing his legs out as straight as two ram
rods.
''It seems to me you have no sense nor
feeling" whines his wife, "and if you
had any respect for me you wouldn't eat
onions before you come to bed. The
atmosphere of the room from the smell
of onions is horrid."
''We1l, go down and sleep in the
kitchen, then, and let me alone says
James.
Hereupon she began to cry softly, but
about the time James is falling into
gentle doze she punches him in the ribs
with her elbow, and says:
"Did you hear that scandal about Mrs.
Jones?"
"What Jones?" says James, sleepily.
ssWby, Mrs. Jones"
''Where?" inquired James.
sI declare says his wife, 'syou are
getting more stupid every day. You
know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. 81.
Well. day before yesterday, Susan
Smith told Mrs Thompson that Sam
Baker had said that Jones had"
Here she pauses and listens. James
is snoring in profound slumber. With
snort of rage she pulls all the covers off
him, wraps herself up in them and lays
awake until 2 A. NJ, thinking how badly
abused she is And that is the way
married woman goes to Sleep