The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-01-09
COniCALITIEs.


WHEN thou drinkest, enter into the
pantry and shut the door. Avoid the
cellar, for potatoes have eyes-Psck.
A PEORIA woman sneezed her Jaw ont
of place lately, and the married men of
the place have been buying snuff ever
since.-Bostoa COMMERCIAL Builetia.
"How long shall q girl be courtedf"
asks an English newspaper. Not later
than o'clock in the morning, We think,
excepting when 1t rains.
THE old Quakers of Philadelphia make
four bites to every oyster, and they are
very particular to inquire If the oyster
Ii dead.
An old farmer who has rats in his eel
lar, and q large family of boys to boot,
finds 1t difficult to keep apples all win
ter.
MOONEY" says Mr.. Talmsge, els q
golden.b breasted bird with silver beak."
Please give US dozen of 'em broiled on
toast.
WHY a fellow feels all at sea at his
own wedding, when he Is standing up
with the girl Is because he is marry'n'er
-Nep Orleans Pioaysne.
WIN you occupy the same bed at
hotel with q stranger, he's Just as sus-
picious "a you are, and jnst "a fearful Of
being robbed, 90 you might "a we'll sleep
soundly.
AsoTEKR American girl is to marry
nobleman. Why is 1t that our girls re-
fuse TO support their own countrymen?
There il lack of patriotism somewhere.
Atlanta Consultation.
MAMMA" Why, Poppet, all these
apples are bitten. Have you touched
themf' Poppet-" No, ma. But 1t
froze last night, and p'raps-p'raps
they're frost bitten"
A LITTLE boy was sent to a shop for
some eggs. Before reaching home he
dropped them. In answer to his mother,
who asked, "Did you break anyr he
replied: "No, ! didn't break any, but
the shells came of some of them"
WHAT IL the difference between a
distinguished citizen and q person with
q peculiarly bad sort of coldf Why,
the one has influence and the other has
influenza.
"a sKNsRs-TAKKR," said the old
lady: "Waal, there's me an jeremiah,
an Sarah Ann, an that's all 'cept Jim,
an he's fool an amt got no senses to
take."-Oa City DERRICK.
"WKLL, there" said Spriggins, after
studying the war department weather
map intently for Is minutes, az am
blamed If I believe there il any man
living that can make such shots as that
on any billiard table in the world"
A WET towel applied to the back of
the neck not only induces sleep, but
when you sleep you dream that your
uncle died and willed you the whole Bay
of Biscay az reward for your goodness.
Detroit Free Press.
In the neighborhood of La Veta, CAL,
there Is small lake or pond called He'll.
A young man in the burg, writing to
his girl, says: "When you come, dar.
ling, bring your skates. Hell is frozen
over"
AN apology: "But, Freddy, how
could you ever think of calling aunty
stupidf Immediately 60 to her and tell
her that you are sorry" Freddy goes
to aunty and says: "Aunty, I am sorry
that you are stupid"
A PKNNsYLvANIA sheriff jumped
from railway train after prisoner and
turned fourteen somersaults, ten hand
springs, and tore down three rods of
fence, while the prisoner got away
Detroit Free Press.
els the Indian q citizenr' asks the
New York Times. This question must
not be answered too hastily. La -
consider whether we can rob him most
efiectually a. q citizen, an alien or
ward.-Elmira Free Press.
A ooNCEITKD young lady, while airing
her knowledge on various subjects, re-
marked, "there isnothing made in vain"
"You are" said youth standing near
her. cam WHAT" said she. Maiden
vain," replied the smart boy.
TIE Importance of the newly-fedged
congressman when he returns home TO
carve the Christmas turkey IL awful to
behold. He invariably addresses his
wife a Mr.. Speaker, but perhaps In this
he Is not very wide of the mark.-M Y.
COMMERCIAL.
"WHY do clumsy men always have
big feeti" ssks Mount Pleasant CORE
spondent. Oh, thou that questioneth
without reason, to walk on. Did you
suppose he needed them to comb his hair
with, or that he used them to scratch his
back i-Hasokeye.
THEY have story at Lebanon of man
who, being directed to plow q straight
furrow directly toward where q COW was
grazing, was found few minutes after
blowing around after the COW, who was
then walking about. The furrow was
wofully zig-Eag.
OBSERVING little brothers remark
before room full of company. 81
know what made that red mark on
Mary's nose; if was the rim of John
Parker's hat" And there are girls who
believe that little brothers never 90 to
heaven.-Andre,oS Bosar.
SOME one says: GAS soon as q man
swears of smoking every one he meets
offers him q cigar" It IL the same way
with drinking. Old topers have been
known to travel with blue ribbons In
their button.holes, for the purpose of
getting themselves asked to take some
thing twenty times day.
A NAN fell from q bridge at Boccs,
New, and broke his thigh. It was .
lonely place, and the weather was very
cold. BE could not stand In conse-
quence of his hurt, and therefore slowly
froxe to death. There were indications
that he tried hard, by rolling about, TO
keep warm, but death could not be-
fought of.
A TENANT has been dancing all night
over the head Of his landlord. At Sin
the morning the latter comes up stairs
and complains bitterly of the annoy
ance. "What annoyancef" asks the
tenant. "Why, ! haven't slept Q wink
all night" is the answer. "Neither
have says the tenant, "and yet
don't make any fuss about It."
WE deeply sympathize with that poor
rural reporter, who, In reporting high
toned local party for his paper, intended
10 ailude to the "wonted charms OF Miss
-" but the wretched compositor
made Il " wanted chsrms," and now the Z
young mani Ii probably fugitive on the
lace Of the earth, pursued BY Nemesis
In the shape of Q father and two big
brothers armed with clubs.
ARTHUR SULLIVAN said rather a
clever thing the other day. They were
then rehearsing the new opera, and
Sullivan tried TO teach Ryley bit OF
businem. The actor thought Sullivan
had NO right TO interfere. Bald he, with
inclination: "What do you mean,
dirt I'm an actor, and know my business.
Have been ten years on the stage to
get points from your No, sir. The
time n past for me 10 do that sort OF
~ IA - II a - 10.