Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-01-21
FUNNYGRAPHS.

LIE COum0ICIaI drummer Is great
trade scenter.
TRADE dollars make a big noise on
church plate.
MIsERs may not be forgiving, but
they are fer getting Boston Post.
1T is the boss printer who takes an
honest boy and makes devil of him.
BUT few men can handle q hot lamp
chimney and say there is no place like
home at the same time.
TIE attempt upon the life Of the car
OF Russia was Moscow-ardly thing
Boston Every Saturday.
Ducks are so thick on the North Car
olina shore that the fishes have to take
to the woods.
The boy who hasn't gone through
both heads of his Christmas drum by
this time, has at least set his old graz d.
mother crazy and driven away the cook.
WOMAN: care those goood eggs?"
Chinese peddlar: "Belly good. You
no likee, me takee back makee hen layee
ovah."
ono! Algernon, dear, I say that the
boy shall not be brought up on the bot
tie. Look at his grandpa's nosep-
Worcester Gazette.
NEVER take bull bi the horns, young
man, but take him by the tale, then
you ken let 60 when you want to-
Josh Billings.
On dark night. with four clothes
lines stretched across the back yard, the
most sensitive part of man is his high
hat.
A MAN should always breakfast with
his family, and a good man will do so,
provided he gets home in season. New
Orleans Picayune.
A MELANCHOLY case of suicide-A
naughty little boy having been threat
ened with whipping, Immediately
hung his head.
UNCLE (bringing a nephew home for
the holidays). "Glad to see you home
again, Dick. Hope you have spent less
this half" Dick: ooh, yes, uncle, I've
gone tick for everything.
AN Irishman says that eighty sounds
like plenty to 8. Yes, Patrick, my boy,
and it also rhymes with mate, but not
with drink. Mind that!-N. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser.
FULL many a rose is born to blush
unseen and waste its fragrance on the
desert air; full many nip is ta'en
behind the screen, and cloves, and coffee,
too, are eaten there.
IT is very difficult to find fault with
dear little three-year-old who buries
his head under the clothes and sings.
+" Now | lay me down to sleep. Pop goes
the weasel"
THIS is the season when the draft
which comes in through an open door
makes many a man shudder. Particu-
larly if it is sight draft and ia brought
in by bank collector Keokuk Gate
City.
IT is strange and sad to think that
those twelve Indians don't come forward
to be hanged. What are they thinking
about? Where is the boosted kind
heartedness of the red man? p New York
Graphic.
Chow old is that child?" asked the
conductor. Four years." replied the
mother. .Then, madame, you'll have
to pay for him." "Tbat's fraud. Pay
for him why 1 haven't been paying for
him for him for years and yearsl"
JOE, why were you SO late last
nightT sIt wasn't 80 very late-only
a quarter of twelve" elbow dare you
sit there and say that! / was awake
when you came in, and it was three
o'clock" "Well, ism three aquarter of
twelve ?"-[ ALBANY Argus.
81 ORDERED dozen oysters" said the
blonde young man with the helmet hat;
" and here are only eleven. Will you
kindly elucidateP g will, replied the
obliging restauranteur. "There is q
certain superstition prevalent in good
society against thirteen at table; and so
you see-ehT-[P Puck.
YOUNG man to photographer: care
my pictures doneY Artist: "Let's
see Carefully scanning the young mans
face and the photographs he held in his
hand; whats the nameW Young man,
in establishment: "Jones, SIR" Artist,
(having discovered tne name on them:)
4" Oh, yes; these are yours. - Yonkers
Statesman.
A LADY was "passing round the hat"
in saloon for the benefit of the poor.
/" This is for your beautiful eyes," says
gallantly beau of the old school, drop
ping louis in the collection box. ooh,
thanksp says the fair one with pro-
found courtesy, and now I want some
thing for the poor" holding out the box
again.
AN old farmer out in Indiana says,
that for his part, he don't know where
the present rage for trimming bonnets
with birds sgoing to end. Only four or
FIVE years ago he bought his daughter q
humming bird; next year she wanted
robin, the next pheasant, and this sea-
son he declares he had to chain up his
Thanksgiving turkey or she'd have had
that perched on top of her head.-[An
drew's Bazaar.
ct WISH you would keep your mouth
shut!" exclaimed Hollemount, the dem
fist, suddenly losing patience with the
patients prediction to talking. GAIL
right" said the latter, suiting:.the action
of the word. And then Hollemount
asked him if he would be SO kind as to
oman It AGAIN l0no enou1h for him