St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-03-05
SQuibs.

l. mas Deen discovered that the Dutch
baby cries for its mudder and fodder at
the same time New Orleans Plea
yune.
A plumber had an IIish lad in his
employ, and one day having occasion
for piece of zinc ordered him to get
one twelve inches square. eyes, sir"
said Pat, "twelve inches square, but
how long ?"
An idiotic correspondent sends this:
In Notes and Queries you answer your
correspondent that the moon is IL sec
ondary planet. Butter single question
more has Il curd to me. Is the milky
whey a second dairy constellation =
Boston Transcript.
William Watkins, of Madison, re-
mained bachelor until he was 81 years
old, but the other day he married
whereupon one of the Madison journal
lists, who was genius for head liRes
but no fine feelings to speak of, allud-
ed to the wedding under the titles
Another Old Landmark Cone"
Perkinton is a man of decision. The
other evening upon reaching home he
was met by his dearest Maria with the
narrowing tale of Bridget, the cooks
kerosene disaster. "Oh, John I" she
began, 'we've had such dreadful time.
Bridget tried to hurry the fire-poured
Kerosene into it-blew up-burut her
to death-oh, oh, oh :" Perkinton is "a
wonderful man, man for an emer-
gency. He replied as a man not used
to being thwarted in his purposes, "Dis-
charge her Immediately. L won't have
such woman in the house! !"
He had asked for her photograph.
H. II 4. IL.
story about her negative being lost,
and another would have to be secured,
etc, when he interrupted her rather
warmly with the remark "What do
you suppose / care for your negative,
Carrie It's your affirmative Pve been
after these six months ~ She said
nothing, but kind o. turned up the
whites of her eyes, and he-well, it's
nobody's business what he did. 1t is
only necessary to say that he started
for the tailor's first thing next morning,
and she-why, she has done nothing
but try on all sorts of things ever since.
II Boston Transcript.
Tit for Tat. Mr.. c. was pastor of
Il Baptist church in a certain town in
one of the Western States. He had
been on very bad terms with his flock
for some time. They abused him
whenever they could find occasion, and
he reciprocated with equal readiness.
Before his contract with the parish ex-
pired, he received the appointment of
chaplain at the state prison. Elated at
this lucky opportunity of getting rid of
him, the congregation came in full
numbers to hear his farewell sermon,
perhaps less to compliment than to
annoy him with their presence. Great
was their astonishment, and still great
er their anger, when the reverend gen
tleman chose for his text the following
words: 81 go to prepare place for
you . . that lUhere 1 am, there ye qnaU
be ."-[Editor's Drawer, in Harper's
Magazine.
An old gentleman from the East, of a
clerical aspect, took the stage from
Denver south in ante-railroad days.
The journey was not altogether safe
one, and he was not reassured by the
sight of a number of rifles deposited in
the coach, and nervously asked for
what they were. perhaps you'll find
out before you git to the Divide" was
the cheering reply. Among the passen-
, gers was particularly Gt seemed tG
, hlm) tierce-looking man, girded with q
!, belt full of revelvers and cartridges
and clearly road agent or assassin
, Some miles out, this person, taking out
! a large flask, asked, stranger, do yOr
irrigate ?" ''If you mean drink, sir,
: do not" ''Do you object, stranger, tc
our irrigating 2" "NO, SIR" And they
drank accordingly. After farther dis
| tance had been traversed, the suppose,
brigand again asked, "Stranger, do yol
fumigate 2" "If you mean smoke, sir,
do not" ''Do you object, stranger, t,
: our fumigating 2" ''No, SIR" Aud the
: proceeded to smoke. At the dinin
: place, when our friend came to tende
u his money, the proprietor said, "You
:. bilps paid" "Who paid it 2" "Tha
u man"-pointing to the supposed high
wayman, who, on being asked if b
q had not made a mistake, replied, s'No
II at all. You see, when we saw tbs
e you didn't irrigate and didn't fumigat,
If we knew that you was a parson. An
n your bills are all right as long as yo
h travel with this crowd We've got
d respect for the Church-you bet p
e was no highwayman, but respectab
IT resident of Denver.-[A. A. Hayes, Jr
t. in Harper's Magazine.