Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1880-02-19
COM!CALTIIE,S.

WHAT S the batter with be TINS bord-
ig?" said Jones; "why, I've got a dasty
cold. Cub and take some rub and CUB. y
MARY, we shall always miss you,
Gone viii lie your pie SAINT smile;
Had the cil-can been much larger
You'd have gone about mile
A BooTMAKER has this extraordinary
announcement in his window: Ladies
shoes will be sold as low as Is cents a
pair"
HARVARD college once had president
of whom it was said that he could speak
Greek with as much facility as pig can
squeak.
GENTLEMAN say, waiter, I've just
cracked this egg; look at it. Waiter
Don't look very nice at that end, l must
say; try the other.
PERU is able to borrow 221, 900, 600 on
guano deposits This suggests way to
utilize Eli Perkins, as he's a man of fer
tile lies, sir.-Bost03s Post.
A MILITARY critic says that good sol
diers grow under cultivation like any
other product. That is to say, they come
up in drills. ~ y. Herald.
No, young man, If you wish to marp
a. lttttN hAibAlA IL WIZ Noou Fpik
support, don't select burlesque actre
under the impression that she won't CO
tune much.
s. NEVER argy agin a success" sap
Artemus Ward; "when | see a raft
snaix's he'd sticking out of hole, b&l
off to the left and say to miself that hs'
belongs to that snaix. 6l
A PHILADELPHIA paper suggests It'll
woman should never use poal
card iu sending kiss. 1t might ii
into the hands of postmaster VIII Is
also a parson.
If birds of a feather flock togeler,
why is it that the first doctor who reches
a man who has fallen on the stree has
no sweet smile of welcome for the econd
who comes rushing up?
WHEN man $50 poor that he oblig-
ed to nse one almanac three yeasln sue
cession, it is high time an Ameran aga
tator uas sent abroad to solijt aid for
him.-NorTistoa0n UoraLd.
THE height Of sentimentaliy. Gwen
doline-" But how sad and wan yoW
cousin is Algernon-" SD Ya-as
Phenomenon of sensibilityy Would g.
into mourning for dead lef
CHARLES LAMB said of q clumsy cir
who was always runningagainst hing
and breaking them, Vary, | believ
that girl would break TIE Bank of Eng
land if she could run against it"
CHEAP swell doing the grand)-" Ha
-waitaw-bottle of champagne" Wa
ter" Yes, sir. Dry sir?" Cheap swe
--"What's to you whether I'm dry c
whether amt? Bring the wine"
"JoHS, what odor is that" Glove
love-" "But that other?'' "Allspic,
my beloved" "But isn't there Al
other ?" eyes, apples, belovedest
just one more?" 6 Raisins, my ma
belovedest." "Well, John, if youl
only drink just a little brandy, now,L
think you would make a good mine
pie.
MoNTFTzBURG, who has been indrd,.
ing in amateur farming, says nothing
rs it is represented. "They sold mes
cow" he complains, that they sad
would give eight quarts of milk day,
but | took n pail to her and ADDRESSED
her III the politest terms, and if you'll
believe it, sir, she wouldn't give a gil
The milk had to be taken from her ly
force. "-BoSton Transcript.
IT was proposed to erect monument
in the village square to the Father of hi
Country, and old Squire Higgins WIS
called upon for liberal donation. 81
can't give anything this time" he said;
but you may know that | always cary
Washington in my heart" "Wel,"
answered the man with the subscription
paper, call | can say is that you've got
the Father of his Country in very tight
spot"
A CLERGYMAN asked his Sunday-school,
with what remarkable weapon did
Samson at one time slay number Of
Philistines 2" For a while there was 10
answer; and the clergyman, to assist the
children little, commenced tapping his
jaw with the tip of his finger, at the same
time saying, What's this :? what's
this?" Quick as thought, a little fellow
innocently replied; 1.-The Jaw-bone of an
ass, sir.
The quality of human nature was very
happily exemphfied by an Oil City Irish
man, who, having signed the pledge, was
charged soon afterwards with being
drunk. "'Twas me Observation-Disclosures y
said Pat, san habit | have of talkin'
wild mesef / sed to meself, seq ],
Pat, COON III an have drink No,
ger, seq |, I've sworn off Thin I'll
dhrink alone, SEE | to mesef. An III
wait for yez outside, SEE I. An whln
mesef cum ont, faith an he WIS drunk. y
WHEN Marshal Narvaez, it is related,
was on his death bed, his confessor asked
him if he freely forgave all his enemies.
q have no enemies, replied the dying
marshal proudly Every one must
have made enemias in the corrse of bis