West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-02-28
Mrs. smiths PoddIer's Trap.

The uomicilc Of the Smiths Is located on
Mission street, just between Woodward's a
gardens and the city front, in Detroit IL
may be recognized by the front yard and
the very peculiar canvas apparatus which
is attached To the fence. This piece of can.
vas stretches from the top of the fence TO a
pair OF poles, firmly fastened To the side
walk below, and forms an inclined plane.
reaching nearly TO the ground which bears
IA close resemblance 10 the netting used I'm
gymnasmms and circuses, as a safe recepta-
Gle for falling acrobats. For several years
past Mrs. Smith, in common with her sister
housewives throughout the city, has been
harrassed by the visits of peddlers, sewing
machine agents, medical canvassers, vege-
table vendcrs, travelling tinsmths, insurance
solicitors, and host Of other gentry
who annoy and render miserable the female
population OF the city. Mrs. Smith, less
fortunate than many housewives, is without
servant, and has hitherto been compelled
to make all the way from three hundred To
four hundred trips day TO the front door.
In fact, the bell rang, tinkled, buzzed and
ratified almost continually, and 80 great was
the strain upon the tintinnabulating appara-
tus that a new wire had 20 he put i'm two
or three times a month, and even the knob
wore out quarterly. This state Of affairs
was not only expensive and troublesome,
but was gradually reducing Mrs. Smith 10
skeleton, and she waxed weaker and more
attehuated. She calculated, and calculated
very correctly, that she travelled from six to
eight miles day in her tramps to the door
~ last Mrs. Smith inspired by desperation,
hit upon plan which has since proved so
effective. A skilful machinist was imme-
al u
beneath the front doorstep compact ana
powerful apparatus connected with spring
on the inside Of the threshold. which, when
pressed by the light foot Of Mrs. Smith.
would suddenly bring into play the great
forces Of the hidden machinery and press
the doorstep upward with such terrible
velocity that its unfortunate occupant would
b hurled into space The flying peddler
was supposed, after being precipuated from
the doorstep, 90 describe graceful parabo-
IN, which would have its termination i'm the
depths OF the canvas. The receptacle, be-
ing an inclined plane, was expected TO
gently drop the involuntary acrobat 20 the
sidewalk below. At last the ingenious ap.
paratus was completed, and the mechanic
assured the iEveutross that her idea would
make the young peddlcr shoot, thus uncOn-
sciously .nverting an old expression. He
also expressed his confidence that the afore-
said canvas would Invariably be the place Of
descent Mrs Smith placed a chair near
the door, and serenely awaited tine Jingle
which would indicate the approach Of her
first victim. She had not long To wait. Be
fore ten minutes had expired. the bell gave
q premonltOry tnklc. Opening the door
Mrs Smith smiled on the outsider with
more complaisance than sho had manifested
for years before. She did not forget, how
ever, 90 place her left foot in close proWmi-
ty TO the little spring before mentioned.
MADAM, ingenuousy asked the uncon-
scious intruder, ''may I sell yo1 a sewing
a-N
lie was, however, called away 80 sudden.
~ that he had no time TO complete his
question, for Mrs. Smith had pressed the
spring the step had flashed upward, and 10
the poor sewing machine man had disap-
pcared Alas for human ingenuity, how
ever, ho reappearcd at the wrong place
and, instead Of falling into the canvas an
kindly prepared for his convenience struck
against the fence with great violence, lust
after completing his third somersault. The
neigbbOrs thought that an unfortunate
acrOnaut had been pitched from hIs balloon.
aud ilOcked 70 the spot in scores The poor
fellow had q leg fractured, and the doctor
across the street added another TO his list
Of patients The machine was Immediately
perfected, and the next morning operated