The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-09-18
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

CNEHM VT OUN LNCllNNul-c.
Net proft-ash
Big thing on ce-thc price.
Sociability-meet and drink.
A man over. Jored-the editor.
Something to lie about-a bed.
Pome.aid-a rhyming dictionary.
The Chinese plank-an Ironing board
If you wish to take care Of your health, take
air
The man who has corner in pork should be
made to squeal.
Women are justified in using powder when
they wish to 20 Off
A case of suspended nimation-swinging in a
hammock
The watermelon IS like book, 1t Isn't red
until it Is opened,
A good whiskey sing-slng the bottle out Of
the window--after it is empty
The end man in minstrel show makes con
siderable noise for one who is "corkcd up"
Professor: What are the constituents Of
quartz StaenE 'Pints.' A bland smile
cfecpS over thc class.
When it is announced that politician is in
the hands Of his friends, it is understood that
they will take him home all right.
All editions Of "Fox's Book of Martyrs" with.
out the man that cares Il sixty pound basket at
picnic are spurious.
\ Vermont man told the truth in Il horse
trade aad his ncighbor now refuses to associate
with him.
Vice President Whcecr's head is fnll Of fish
ing. When asked what to do in any campaign
difficulty he says, "Try some other kind of bait"
One man eloped with the wife of another from
aspelling bee in Tennessee. 1t seems spelling
bee has its sting as well as others.
Longstrcet authorizes the statement that he
will not go for "'ncock. He says he went for
him at Gettyst but it was not a success
81 would N larry the best man living" she
said,
And she kept her VOW from the first,
But she did not live to die an Did maid
For she married one Of the worst.
An apotbecary in decorating for Washington's
birthday, placed jar Of calamus root in the
show window and labeled 1t "Sweet flag of my
country" but no one saw the point.
Mrs. Coodle was telling Jane that the potatoes
had AN oniony smell when that monster, Coodle
suggested that perhaps they had been cooked in
. saucepan with a leak In IT,
New Orleans paper refers to the weather OF
the previous day as being marked by zone of
those gentle showers such as induced Noah to
clear for Mount Ararat, with his highly misccl
laneous cargo"
A census enumerator in rioga county has
found young woman Of Is who weighs 400
pounds. This is mentioned as something re-
markable; but il the cnumerator had failed TO
find her, 1t would have been more so.
And row the seaside hotel.keeper sits down
ana counts his gains and meditatiyely SAWS to
hlmsel; rs 20 per cent. profit enough to war
rant me In running the old shebang another
year, or shall We have terrible conHagration in
november guess I'll confag ~ Y World
Prof. Proctor says there are no cats in heaven
lie TACT that all angels are represented without
wearing boots or shoes proves the absence OF
such midnight howers in the better world. No
boots, no boot-jacks; no boot jacks, no cats.
preacher at a Sunday school excursion de-
scrlbed heaven as an eternity OF picnics-and
several young men, members Of his conprepa
ton who lugged baskets weighing nearly a ton
each and climbed high trees to put up swings
have left church. -Norristocn Herald.
John A. Logan is SAID to be descended from
the Seneca tribe Of Indians, his grandfather hay
Ing been an Indian chief Of that nation. Those
who remember his swarthy complexion, high
cheek bones, straight black hair, piercing eye,
aversion to honest manual labor and general
poinpous, "Me big Indian" strut will readily
believe the story.
Some one has been getting spoony on the
Bakers daughter instead OF the Bankers
daughter" and relieves himself in this fashion
"She walks in beauty like the night
or cloudless cllmes and starry skies;
And lovely though she il TO sight,
She is not loveller than her pies
The roses Of Damascus blow
The scents to far Arabian sands:
But sweeter Is the kneaded dough
That steals the odor Of her hands.
crave not fame, nor wealth. nor mower.
only wish that could be
pound or two Of some prime -four
And she were gently kneading me-
The announcement that the first contribution
Of Chicago to the government conscience fund
came TO Washington on Saturday in the form Of
\ dollar greenbsck Is being hailed by the whole |
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