The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-04-23
ltuiyss.

Quips.
"PUT no fulsome compliments ON my
tombstone" said wag. "Don't give
me any epitaffy."
A BOY recently hanged himself be-
cause somebody found fault with him.
That boy was certainly not born to be
an editor.
Boy, aged 4, taken to church for the
first time, listened to the organ for a few
moments and then said, "When will the
organ man let the monkey out?
"PAPA," said his little girl, aged 6
years and 8 months, TO him one day,
"why do You say step-daughter? Is it
because she has been trodden upon?"
"WHERE have you been for week
back? asked Felix Dunshudder. Gust
been i'll for couple of porous plasters,
was the reply.
A FELLOW in New Orleans is said to
have eaten box of CASTLE soap to get
rid of freckles. He still has a few ON
his face, but inside he isn't freclxled a
bit.
ADA (aged A., who was doing some
thing, and was told to desist by her
mother. Mother" Ada, am i to speak
to you again?' Ada Yes, ma, you
may, if you like"
A CHILD, little over 6 years of age,
on entering the oratory for the first time,
and seeing the Rev. Father - In his
confessional, said "Oh, auntie, look
There's Noah in the ark.
A LITTLE boy was taking walk with
hic ,nnfhaY ,,,bo,, u,JIan1y tbnpIcr-
storm came on, when the little boy ex-
claimed, "Oh, mamma, the sun is burst
ing out into loud laugh"
THE expression, Uneasy lies the
head that wears crown, is absurd, be-
cause no sensible King ever goes TO bed
with his crown ON. He always hangs it
on the back of chair, with his vest
"YOU do not like to make calls" said
an uncle to his nephew But you
must make calls" he continued, "for
there's always pleasure derived-if not
when you enter, at least when you come
ont"
Register suggests that persons sending
in big eggs will please accompany them
by several ordinary-sized ones, not for
publication, but SO that the contrast will
he apparent, and as guarantee OF good
faith.
THEY were sitting together Sunday
evening, with an album or two between
them, when she pleasantly asked:
"How would you like to have my
mother live with your" In just fifteen
seconds he had his hat halfway down
over his face and was boiling through
the gate.
"My friends" said the political
speaker, with burst of ingenious elo-
quence, II. will be honest" There
were a large number of his neighbors
present, and the terrific outburst of APP
plause which followed this remark en-
sirely upset the point which the orator
was about to introduce.
Mr.. LINCOLN used to tell a story
about a big Hoosier who came to Wash
ington, during the war, and called upon
street Arab for a shine. Looking at
the tremendous boots before him, he
called out to a brother sinner across the
street: ''Come over and help, Jimmy.
I've got an army contract"
Two MEN were cut hunting, the other
day ; one had IA license, the other hadn't.
"A Keeper hpproacleC, ana the one tilat
had license ran away. The keeper
was good runner, and ON exciting race
ensued over about mile and half of
nice plowed fields. At last the keeper
got up to the runaway. "Now, sir,
where's your license 1t was pro-
duced. "Then, why the - did you
run away?" ooh, I'm fond of exer-
cise," answered the man; "but don't
You think you'd better ask my friend if
he has one?"
"OH, dear! / feel so tired" sighed
Mrs. Hickenlooper, as she sank into
chair. "Well, should think You would
be-" growled Mr.. Hickenlooper, as he
put on his coat to go out; "you tramped
around more'n seven miles this after
noon making your silly calls. shouldn't
call myself half bright if L did such a
thing" And then he went down street
and walked nine miles around billiard
table, poking ivory marbles with stick
at % cents an hour, and she thought
how hard he had to work Mt his bust
ness, poor man, when he came home Mt
midnight and dragged his enfeebled
limbs into bed.