The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-08-27
d -l|IIl'lel.' l'I.lI1I'--I I|III1tI -
WAITS AND WHIMS.


The promises of some men always re-
main shall owe.
New way to "know all about thy
self get Presidential nomination.
Isn't it slightly paradoxical to call a
man with full beard II bare-faced liar?
Fly time-when you hear your
fathers cane humping along the hall.
COMMISSIONER LIE Due, in his crop re-
ports, never mentions the hops at the
seaside.
A WESTERN journal heads an article:
"A Lunatic Escapes and Marries a
Widow" Escaped, ell? We should say
he got caught.
WHITEHALL man has discovered a
way of instantly turning sweet milk into
fresh butter. He feeds it to goat.
Patent applied for.
WISCONSIN theorist says that hay
will satisfy hunger. There may be some
thing III this, for a couple of straws will
frequent satisfy thirst.
IT is claimed by some medical men
that smoking weakens the eyesight.
Maybe it does, but just see how it
strengthens the breath.
Boston has public vinegar inspector
mt n salary of 81, 900 per year. One
would think he would get awfully tired
looking for his ''mother.
A LITTLE girl in church, after the con-
tribution plate had been passed, COM
placently and audibly said, 81 paid for
four, mamma, was that right?"
SAID Jones: "Smith won't have so
soft thing as he had" 81 don't know"
replied Robinson, "hell have soft
thing so long as he doesn't lose his
head"
BRIDGET-"And how shall / cut the
pole. mum?" Lady of the house-"Cut
it into quarters. Bridget-"And how
many quarters wood l cut it into,
mum?"
You may have noticed that the flies
never bother speaker, no matter how
dull he is, but invariably attack the over
worked sitter who is trying to get lit
tie sleep.
THEY'RE heightened in Deadwood, and
they wouldn't go to see the Black Crook
until it was advertised writtenb by Shakes
peare. and then they couldn't keep peo-
pie away.
"AH heavens" cries Mana, sentiment
ally, to her visitor, "when one is adored
by magnificent captain like you, moth
ing ever can make her love again-unless
it is a major
"MY umbrella is getting decidedly
shabby" said young man about town
one evening last week. 81 believe l will
the first rainy night.
OCCASIONALLY you find Detroit man
who can stand having his whisky stolen
and not complain; but when the flies
poster them during morning nap, they
all swear. -BostOn Post.
BULLION is wealth III crude form,
and after it is coined and kept at interest
n while, it becomes wealth in accrued
form again. This language of ours is
worse than the gem puzzle, heap.
DEUCED queer how men differ about
different things. When a man hooks IL
lot of fish he will brag of it for three
days, and when he hooks lot of apples
he hasn't word to say about it.
"OH / thought this was drawing
room car" apologetically observed a
lady to man i'll the door of the smoker
as she discovered her mistake. at is.
num-" he said, drawing on hisn with all
his might.
A'PoET asks: "When | am dead and
lowly laid. y And clods fall
heavy from the spade, Who'll think of
me?' Don't worry. Tailors and shoe
makers have very retentive memories.
and you'll not be forgotten.
A New YORK man was challenged to
fight duel the other day. and being at
liberty To choose his own weapons pro-
posed triptO Boston on a Sound steamer.
The challenger backed ont. He said the
idea, that death must attend duel was Il
relic of the dark ages.
A VISITOR enters a French newspaper
Office and is greeted politely by the office
boy" If monsieur comes to fight duel
he will have to be kind enough to call
again; all our editors are already engaged
for to-day. "-Pdris Ch0riUdri
An Owego man, after little expert
ence, truthfully and Indignantly asserts
that no woman, however nervous, has II
right to wake up her husband from a
sound sleep to tell him ON inquiring
what's the matter, Nothing. only
wanted to know ii You were awake.
"NAsBY" takes pride in the service OF
his father and grandfather, i'll one way
or another As for himself, he saws:
My own military record is clear. In
the late rebellion served by substitute.
/ furnished three substitutes, all of whom
to-day are in good health-in Canada.
A te Undorser.