The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-04-09

comIcALITIEs.

GREEN grocer One who does business
on credit. @~rs4
Why do the papers continue TO call It
the sea servent when it Is never seenP
"DEERat any price" yelled the hungry
traveller who ordered venison for dinner.
"oH, hubby dear, I've called you twice
Your dinner Is quite done"
"Just wait moment" shrieked the man,
"Ive got 'em oil but onei"
"FIFTEEN ball pool" is rather fash
ionable game, but the Commercial I'D
vcrttser says it is nothing to Lubbock
fool"
THE young man who wants to get mp
with the sun must not SIT up too late
with the daughter. -Middtetot0n Tran
script.
A MuRRY HILL young man has COM
menced exercises in drawing, He sits
down by his girl and draws her head on
his shoulder.
WHEN the emperor of Russia is now
asked into that fatal dining hall he de-
clincs, remarking: am no czar-dine.
-Anlre,0's Queen.
A MICHIGAN congressman told friend
that he was filed with amazement, and
the friend went down to the bar and
called for amazement.
"YoU are yawning," said o wife TO her
husband. "My dear" he replied, "the
husband and the wife are one, and when
I'm alone ! am bored"
WHEN Mormon family hangs out It's
washing there is generally fifteen petit
coats to every shirt upon the line. ---Pbii.
adetr,hia Chronicle Herald. '~.'
ONE of those men who cheat Others on
mining shares and make their living by
swindling was shot dead in Leadville
week ago. Death loves mining shark.
PRENTICE is said to have once refused
to fight duel in order to get off this
joke: "It only takes one fool to send q
challenge, but it takes two to fight, so
that leaves me out Of the affair"
"OUR need of glass bottle manufac-
tory" says the Binghamton Republican
els to be filed" Man isnever satisfied.
The next thing you will be clamoring for
is to have the bottle itself fled.-Norr.
Herald. ..a.
If you can get one towel out of one
yard Of cloth, how many towels can you
get ont of two yards? The end man Of
the Georgia minstrels says II depends
altogether on hew many there are on the
clothes line. ... -
BURLINGTON had passed away. Mrs.
B., who had Just read the notice of mis-
death in the newspaper, said: "What
pity John couldn't read this! He would
be 80 pleased to see his name in print"
Boston Transcript.
"WHAT do you suppose wen say when
we meet in heaven, George o" said she.
"Say? know what you'll say, dar-
ling" "Me sayl What?" "Why,
you'll say: Il told you 80. I knew just
how it would be up here"
"GEoRo1E," said fond mamma to her
little son as they were walking on the
beach; "see what lot of nice little
stones" eyes" grumbled George as
he cast searching glance around, "and
not living thing to throw 'em at !"
THE ambition of little Toto is to have
box Of colors. "Be good boy four
days in succession" his father told him,
"and You shall have one." -Four days
Toto's face showed despair. ~" Papa"
said his little sister, "can't we divide
them between US ?"-Boston Courier.
A MAN, noted for the non-payment Of
his bills, remarking that he "sprang
from Mother Earth" bystander said:
eff that's 80, you are disgrace to your
maternal ancestor" Chow so?" in
quired the impecunious man. "Be-
cause she settles In the spring, and you
never settle, was the reply.
THE latest and most refined style Of
novel writing is to avoid mention Of the
scenes of bloodshed and violence: Like
o fash of lightning from cloud, with
the velocity of rifle bullet and the re-
sistless sweep of the avalanche, the in
suited youth skipped around the corner
and hunted up policeman"
THERE was little Frenchman, whom
another man was pounding with exceed
ing industry, and the little Frenchman
kept crying out, "Hurrah! hurrahl"
"Why don't you say 'Enough?'" in
quired bystander. "T'ank you, sare,"
said the little Frenchman; g owe you
-mooch; I bin try to t'ink Of dat worddess
tree minits."
A WESTERN minister told the trustees
of his church that he must have his
money, as his family was suffering.
Money 7" said one of the trustees,
"you preach for money. Thought you
preached for the good Of souls" The
minister repIied: 81 can't ent souls, and
if could, It would take thousand such
as yours to make meal"
GAM I tired of ife?" said cheerful
old man the other day, in reply to the
question. "Not bit of it. remem-
Der landing in this town with chip hat,
hickory shirt and pair Of breaches.
I've been way up and I've been fiat on
my back, yet I'd like to begin and go it
all over again-chip hat, shirt, breeches
and all. "Why?" "Well, you see,
when you come to the end you don't
know what's beyond. I'm dead sure of
this other thing; and on the'whole, this
world just tickles me to DEATH"
A SMALL indignation committee visited
Rochester recently from one of the
neighboring towns for the purpose Of
learning from the officers Of the Law how
to get rid of certain saloon which had
been voted q nuisance. One Of them, O
German, showed great devotion to the
cause, regardless of self, which he ex-
planned. Shaking his finger and head to
impress the value of his method, he
said: "Of dey all do as do, dot place
would be shod up long ago. I owe dot
fellow eighteen dollars"
AYouNo woman from this city, who is
teaching the Indians at Hampton, Va,
was recently drilling company Of girls
ON the hymn: "Yield Not to Tempta-
tion," and trying to explain to them the
meaning of the words. Some time after
the class was dismissed, pupil came to
her and said: "Me victoryp meaning
that she had gained victory. Being
asked to explain, she said: Indian
girl, see big temptation to me; she no
yield; I fight her. "-Sprinadetd, Mass,
Republican. p" .H.t#
"TAKE me TO the opera tonight, dearp"
"I am afraid can't, pei" "Why not,
love?" "Id rather not, sweet" But
why not, darling" because I can't
afford it, precious. "Why can't you
afford it, Mr.. Smith," Because it costs
too much, Mrs. Smith" "Costs too
much!' "Why the Browns and Joneses
90 ever so many times o week, mani"
1.-THE Browns and Joneses are fools
then, womanr "You needn't be more
common than you can help, sirf' 81
don't mean to be, ma'amp "H You
don't want to take me, I'll 60 all the
same. husbandl' CT think not, wifeW
Here they found they could call one
another nothing worse, so they dropped
the subject. Judy.
A YOUNG lawyer arguing case in
New York court recently, relates the
Hour, quoted o precedent from Coke
upon Littleton, the mouldy antiquity OF
which, while It amused the court, was