The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-05-25
Nasty.
Mr.. Sasby Advises the democracy.
CoNFHDRIr y ROADS, \
(Which is in the State s,t Nv k ! Iss1

JONfEbRAA - AtNA~i.
(Which is in the State Nv ke ISSn
When wuz boy I read a fable, writ
tan by a man named Esup, whose princi-
nal biznis wuz writin fables. wat paper
he writ EN- for really don't know,l about
a dog witch wuz crossin bridge with a
bone in his mouth. He saw the shadder
nv the bone in the water, and thinkin
that two bones wuz better than one, drop.
ped the one in his mouth to ketch the
other. Consistently he lost the Wun ne
he'd without getting another.
The Dimocrisy is very like that dog.
We hey in our mouth, iist now, q very
excellent bone. We hev the Congris, the
SENT and hev the power to eleckt the
next President. Nv course we want 70
achieve the possibilities, but wat Jolly 1t Is
10 hazard wat we hev, on the mere chance
Nv gettin more.
The South, witch is the Dlmocrisy, is In
a very comfortable situashen now. Ez l
sed, we hav the Congris, and we kin
strengthen that Congris TO almost any ex-
TENT next year. Then next year we kin,
ef we play our keerds right, elect q Pres
ident. and then the entire government ID
in our handsSt to do with ez weplease.
With this comes the postotlice, the Gus
tom house and the contrax-everything
that the Dimecratic patriots hey been de,
priyed nv for 20 long and weary years, and
wich every dimekrat bankers for ez the
hart thirsts for the running water.
All this we are liable TO lose, by snatch
ing al the bone that is shinin in the water,
wich, like faith, is simply the promise Nv
things hoped for. Howl
By the Jolly Nv the South. The Dimoc-
risy never he'd the lockwood on everything
they wantid that they did not kick it over
by askin too much, and alluz askin at the
wrong time. Wat is the yoose Nv urgin
the payment Nv clames fur Suthern losses
| in the war, afore we git the power TO pay
the clames? Wat yoose is It TO insist on
the payment Nv Suthern patriots for thel
freed niggers afore We kin hev the power
safe in our hands to pay EN-? Wat yoose
| Is 1t TO ask for q custom house at the Cor
ners and the slack watrin Nv Secession
erik aiore we hev Congriss thro wich the
nessess airy appropriation kin be slidP
The pint now is moderashun. The
South wants 10 be ez wise ez the serpent
and, list now, ez harmlis ez the dove. Es'
peshly ez wise ez the serpent. But the
lime will come-well, ! needn't say nc
more about that.
The proper thing for the Dimocrisy, to
do is 10 sing very small. We want to
nominate for President the most mild
hammered man that ever cut throat OF
scuttled a ship. He must be as good as q
eradicate Nv the Andover theollogikle
seminary, and a man without record,
The candidate for Vice President must hey
record like sunday skool teacher, and
face witch will sustane his record. The
platform must be solid on the morAlities
and hev nothing in witch Good offend q
Connecticut deekin; their must be nothing
In it but the most exalted patriotism,
nothing but wat Andersonville primer
Good endorse. Good write SIGH plat.
form, and It wood be one witch even the
most ardent northern man wood endorse;
it woodent say much, but wat 1t did say,
and wat it didn't say, woodent meen
nothin.
After the eleckshun it wood be another
thing. When We hev our President elect
i'd, and " hen we hev Congris, both branch
es, in cur hands, possibly it mite reed diff.
ierent. Possibly the platform witch didn't
mean nuthin mite blossom into possible
ties witch wood make glad the Gross Roads,
Possibly the President mite remommend
the slack-watrin nv Coniedrit Greek under
plank witch endorst libral and wise in.
ternal improvement. Possibly the eman.
cipated niggers might be paid for under
the plank which insists on the doing away
with selkshunal animosities, and possibly
the establishment Nv slavery mite be &C.
complished again, under some arrange.
ment Nv apprenticeship, or whatever mite
be deemed advisable to accomplish 30
vital result.
But all this cannot be accomplished by
the tactics wich the party is adoptin now.
The party hez got to lay low. It must
hev more consiliatory people at the he'd.
The north is skeery, and this amt the time
to skeer. Ef we are stoopid enuf to let
out all that we want, we shell lose wat we
hey. The IDjeanny Dimoorat is our good
friend, but he amt eddicatid up to the
pint nv doin all that we want, jist now.
He hez to be brought up 10 it by degrees.
When he is in a Postoffis, and his stayin
in depends on his bein convinst that the
South is all there is OF the Yoonitid States,
except fer purposes OF taxashen, he will
be nifty easy convinst. But not till then.
Hence, / insist onto moderashun-be.
fore the eleckshun. We mustn't skeer no.
body. We want to 60 in on the cry Nv
reform, NV consiliashen, Nv fraterpal feel.
in and everything Nv that kind. We want
to be ez mild ez pan Of skim milk till we
get sekoorely ankored, and then-well,
the South knows how TO take keer Nv her.
self.
speek feelinly. hev bin out Nv offs
ever sence A. johnson, Nv bleSsid mem.
DRY, retired to privit life, and l want to
git back. The citizens Nv the Corners,
which all hold my doc bills, want me
back, and they want their rites restored.
They want the old flag and appropria-
lions. Payin no taxes themselves they
want the North, witch does, to be forced
10 make good all that they lost in Their at.
tempts for their rites, and ez much more
ez they kin be forced TO bleed. This we
must hev, and Their Is but one way to git
/. That way is modersshun and not
Ihowin our hand till 1t is called.
viii the Nashnel Convenshun foller
his advice2 We shell see; II It is wise II |
will do It, and In one short year we shell
,e luxuriatin in fresh pastors, kivered