The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-02-07
WIT AND WISDOM.


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Dom Pedro plays cards--postal
cards.
Wilhelmj's full name is William J.
Smith, ee..
The horse shoe did not bring luck
to Edison.
Agassiz' widow 10 strong woman's
rights woman.
wilkic Collins loves a quiet cigar
three for ten cents.
Garibaldi thinks be won't marry
again. Enough is as good as feast.
Oil is dangerous in any form. The
steamer Greece blew up ths other
day.
ig Gen. Joseph Z. Johnston is n poor
man, yet he gave $l00 to the Irish
Relief Fund:
San Francisco will zee Elmiras
statue to Adam and will erect
statue to Eve.
If Edison's light succeeds he win
be light-hearted; il it don't he will
be light headed.
The OK Presidents visit to Cuba
will end in smoke; at least so the n.
y. Herald thinks.
Orville Grant il in tho leather bus.
mess in Chicago. Nothing like
leather. His sole is in his work.
Miss Rye has brought in all 33
ship loads Of girls to Canada. They
are all Rye bred girls.
Jay Gould only made $l5,000,000
last year. or course he feels dis
Outraged, but hopes for better times
soon.
The report that Mcfarland, the
man who shot Richardson, is dead,
originated in tho fact that he had
gone to Leadvilc.
The biggest moustache on record
is the one Michael Angelo cut on his
statute Of Moses, 1t weighs ton
and half.
Most carpenters make houses with
hammer, plane, saws, etc, but Mary
Clemmer claims to have made her
house with her pen.
The reason Carl Schurz is so bold
with the Indians is because his legs
are so long that he can distance tho
brave aboriginics SHOULD they take
after him. ~
Claude Eticnnc MIME, for whom
the MIME rifle was named, il dead.
Thousands Of wooden legs stands ~
monuments TO his memory.
The newspaper press of Mississippi
is to erect monument at Holly
Springs, of gray granite, twenty feet
high, to the memory Of the editors
who died Of yellow fever in 1878.
Mr.. O'Connor thinks America is
on the decline because it is copying
British methods too closely; and the
Duke of Somerset, once q Cabinet
officer, sees hopeless ruin ahead Of
England because it is following tho
ways Of the United States.
Alabama panthcrs love to catch
young man about two miles from
home on a dark night. They care
fully walk behind him, growing and
screaming, and paving up dried
leaves, and when he reaches home at
last his brothers take him for their
grandfather.
The government forecast OF wealth
err for Monday in the Gulf States was
"clear or partly cloudy weather.
Such representation is bound to-
hit something. 1t IL as good Ms "rain
or shine"
A Zulu cannot marry aEirl until
he has whipped all her brothers and
give her father an upset, If demanded,
in addition. There is a good scratch
ing around in Zululand to find only
children ana orphans.
When the French people are not
sure whether young lady is English
or American, they look at her feet
That's where the American girl can
cuddle close up to the old bird Of lib
erty every time.
Edmund Yates says that jealousy
is mental disease that can he sue
cessfnlly resisted. He never saw his
girl go OF to . pic mic with another
fellow, or he wouldn't write that way.
The works of Charles Dickens are
being translated into Russian, and
the Emperor does enjoy reading about
Pickiwickski aud 6atnmiyellerskoff.
England, bragg . good deal about
her 1000 year old oaks, but Wiscon-
sin had : hitching post which is de-
clared, on the Affsdavits OF three diff
ferent men, to be 5000 years old.
A Utica man wears folded news
paper as chest protector, and he
claims that 1t beats any other sort
vof invonfo6 Thoro,a . uoo1 doal Of