The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-04-01
parietry.
VARIETY NEWS,

The crack organiz2tion-a gun club
Poets and young Onions sprout in the Spring,
A bad drink for consumptve patient coffee.
The orthod OK plan is the safest way to steer in
to the haven of eternal rest
A noating debt is certain in time to sink any
enterprise,
Thoughtful men are thincurs, and are apt to be
dog matical,
It's presumable that Noah's wife twas at one
time an ark-angel
A neighbor had so natural picture Of hen
that it laid in his drawer for week.
When distance lent enchantmeut to the view
did II charge any interest on it2
The moon and man are alike, in that the full.
er they get the longer they stay out at night.
showmen are liberal II poor fellow has no
money he can always tick ct into the perform.
ance.
A tailor died with the dropsy and his friends
put on the tombstone, "Llfes ftful fever over, he
sleeps we'll"
You can always tell clerk in dry goods store
from the millionaire proprietor, by the good
clothes the clerk wears.
In reading the personals.and departures In the
newspapers, one discovers that distinguished
visitors like loose powder go off with puff
"ThiS celery looks handsome" said guest at
the st. James hotel. Hand some over this way,
please" said companion.
French chemist asserts that If tea be ground
like coffee, Immediately before hot water is pour.
ed upon 1t, its exhilarating qualities will be
doubled.
Her eyes were Andalusian velvet soft
Her cheek was like the rose,
Her hair was braided strands of gold
wsrt was on her nose.
You'll miss 1t If you don't get married" said a
lady to her daughter, perhaps 80, ma, but
then, you know, girl always Mrs. 1t by mar.
riage"
And you have married Mr. PennyY' said
gentleman to lady of his acquaintance. mo,
Mr.. Pence" "Ah, you have done better than l
thought"
Old tortoses can now take back seat. A bed
bug was caught In a country boarding house the
other day that had the legend, "G. W., 1776," cut
on Its back.
Julius Cesar may have given origin to the
word Ceiarism, but several hundred years before
Julius, there was case of seize her ism when the
Romans carried off the Sabine women. The word
in any event Is Of Roman derivation.
Jones paid his bills all up
Much to his creditors gain,
And they in gladness sung,
Sweet is pleasure after payin'."
In the last Issue Of Allen G. Kerr & Co.'S Quadra'
an advertiser offered ten dollars for information
OF good sized town where there was no newspa.
per, as he wished to start one. Some party wrote
to him from Columbus telling him that was the
very place he was looking for.
Scene; Young lady going up Fourth street with
her mother. Sign at groCely store bearing the
words Apple Butter" Young lady: Oh, mamma
what funny namel Do they call 1t that because
they feed the COWS apples2 The mother fainh
dead away on the pavement,
ONE.
Lives Of married men remind you
You can make your own sublime,
And by wise judicious measures
Get wife most any time.
THE OTHER.
Lives OF bachelors remind you
You can't make your own sublime,
For by fooling round too many,
You get left sure every time
Among the replies to an advertisement OF a
music committee for "a candidate as organist,
music teacher" &C., was the following: Gentle
men, noticed your advertisement for an organ.
list and music teacher, either lady or gentleman.
Having been both for several years, offer you
my services"
The love Of literature enables many a man to
say with Hamerton: "The only question would
ask concerning Croesus is Is he reading book
better than ~" A love for the beautiful in art
and nature makes the whole world Of beauty
ones own, no matter who happens 10 hold the
deeds.