davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Here lies John Adams ,who received a thump Right on the forehead, from the parish pump Here lays John, with Mary his bride They lived and they laughed while they were
 able,
 And at last was obliged to knock under the
 table,
 Here lies, wrapped in clay,
 The boty of William Wray;
 have no more to say.
 Sarcastic epitaphs, not necessarily in- volving a pun on the name are, we Sus- pect, seldom to be found really engraved on tombstones; and only in some cases written by relations of the de- ceased. If Dryden really wrote the epitaph on his wife, attributed to him, and which he intended for her tomb stone, had he outlived her, he must in deed have felt and owed her but little affection:
 Here lies my wife; here let her lie;
 She's now at rest, and so am I.
 James Wyatt, of course, took no part in the concoction of this effusion:
 At rest beneath this churchyard stone
 Lies stingy Jemmy Wyatt;
 He died one moI ming just at ten,
 And saved a dinner by it.
 The occupation of a dyer has suggested many epitaphs of an obvious character, such as:
 1Io oy0 tO llN 1iiea AlfOu Go uySs Also:
 He died himself, and dyed no more.
 So many jokes were fired off at the late Sir William Curtis-an alderman distinguished for defective education and bad grammer-that we need not feel surprised at an epitaph couched thus:
 Here lies William Curtis
 Our late Lord Mayor,
 Who has left this here world,
 And gone to that there.
 A useful hint is wrapped up in the following:
 Died of thin shoes, January, 1889. Sometimes pun or play on the name is introduced; ; such as in the epitaph on John White: Here lies John, a shining light, Whose name, lite, actions, all were White
 The following was rather epigram- matic than epitaphic in regard to the Rev. John Chest:
 Beneath this spot lies buried One Chest within another; The outer chest " as all that's good; Who says of the other2 William Wilton, buried in Lambeth certainly did not write the epitaph which bears relation to him: - Here lyeth W. w.,
 Who never more will trouble you, trouble you. Nor, we may safely assert, did Owen Moore himself pen the following: Owen Moore is gone away, Owin' more than he could pay. More likely to be genuine are thosr epitaphs which involve 8 bit of bad logic, syntax, or grammar in their compost ton. In graveyard at Montroge is said to be the following: One Mrs. Shute gave occasion, we are told, for the following: Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit, The wife oi Deacon Amos Shute; She died ot drinking too much coffee, Amy Dominy eighteen forty. Here Ives the bodies of George Young and all their posterity For tlfty years backwards. And in Wrexham cburchyard as fol- lows:
 Here lies i've babies and children dear, Three at Oswestry, and two here. Akin to this logical blundering is: Here lies the remains of Thomas Miisom, who died in Philadelphia, March ,1753; Had he lived he would have Been buried here. And another at Nettlebed, in Oxford shire: Here lies father and mother and sister and I !; We all died within the space of one short year; We all be buried at Wimble, except I, And be buried here. -Chambers' Journal.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
for next falls planting.-B. Mdjton, ia Pynirle FtJ1YseT

IoL ucAL IhlI 5 plstAOln tO. MeoeofS, efe PrdirSe Fdrmeer.
 Household Hints.
 To take the brown discolorations of of cups in which custards are baked, rub with damp flannel dipped in best whiting. Securing sand or sand soap will ans wer the purpose.
 It is mistaken idea to cover 9 carpet with drugget in the belief that it saves it. What wears out carpets is the grinding on the floor, and the prote ction should come from beneath.
 Crackers that are not fresh can be made to appear so by putting them into a hot oven for short time. Watch them carefully, as 8 minute too long will serve to brown and spoil them.
 When about to cook anything get to- gether everything that you expect to use. See that the fire IS right to begin with, and remember that as much de- bends on the baking as on the making.
 To take white stains from dark wood use equal parts of vinegar, sweet oil and spirits of turpentine; shake all well together in bottle; apply with flannel cloth and rub dry with old silk or linen.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
Kidney Complaints.
CINCINNATI, O., March Is, 1s77,

CINCINNATI, O., March le, 1s77. H. R. STEVENS:
 Dear Sir-I have used your yEGErISE for some time, and can truthfully say 1t has been 8 great benefit to me and to those suffering from disease of the kidneys cheerfully recommend it.
 Respectfully, O. Fl. SMITH. Attested to by K. B. Ashfeld, druggist, corner Eighth and Central avenues.
 CINCINNATI, O., April l9, 1877. MR. H. R. STEVENS:
 have suffered several years with the kidrsy complaint, and was induced to try YEGErISE. have taken several bottles of your preparation, snd am convinced it is a valuable remedy. It has done me more good than any other medicine. I can heartily recommend it to all suffering from kidney complaints. Yours respectfully,
 J. S. McMILLEN. First bookkeeper for NewhaI, Gale k Co.,, Flour Merchants, No. S6 West Front st., Cincinnati, O. yEGETISE has restored thousands to health who had been long and painful sufferers.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
GREAT HORSE MEDICINE

DIR. TOBIAS VENETIAN HORSE LINIMENT in pint bottles at SO cents; 32 years established It the best in the world for the of Co Old Sores Sprans Bruises, Sore Throats, etc. TOBIAS CONDITION POWDERS are warranted to cure Distemper Fever Worms Bots give fine coat increase the appetite and cleanse the urinary organs. Certified to by Col D. McDanel, of of the fastest running horses in the world and 1000 others 2S cents Sold by drug gists. Depot-f2 Murray Street. New York.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
ae<ous noo,.

The close confinement of all factory work gives the operatives pallid faces, poor appe. tite, languid, miserable feelings, poor blood inactive liver, kidneys and urinary troubles and all the physicians and medicine in the world cannot help them unless they get out ol doors or use Hop Bitters, the purest and best remedy, especially for such cases, having abundance of health, sunshine and rosy cheeks in them. They cost but trine. Ses another column Chrfsfian Recorder.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

The Croton aqueduct is taxed to it's utmost power for supplying the wants of the people of the metropolis. New York daily consumes 94 000, 900 of gal Ions of water, while the aqueduct is put at 95 COG, GOO of gallons.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
rLogansvort frnd. , Daily Journal I

sell more of St. Jacobs Oil, remarked MT. D. E. Pryor, 1l2 E. Broadway, te our reporter, than of any other article of its kind, and I consider it the best liniment in use. It has to my OWL knowledge cured severe cases of rheu. matism in this community.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Alexander Mouton, ex-Governor oi Louisiana, is the oldest United States senator now living, having served in that body under the administration ol General Jack son. Although an octoge. marian he retains his faculties, mental and physical. in & remarkable degree, except his vision which is somewhat rar,afrpd
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

It is recommended to plant willows in swamps and low grounds to keep off malaria. The willow is claimed to pos sess the same qualities in dispelling ma lArial germs as the eucalyptus.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
TTerre Haute Saturday Evening Mail.1

Torre Haute Saturday Evening Mail.
 MT. George Knoehr, after having tried all remedies recommended to him for rheumatism, received no relief until he tried the St. Jacobs Oil, the first ap- plication of which gave him relief, and the continued use cured him.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
Almost Youn. Arain,

My mother was afflicted a long time with neuralgia and a dull heavy, inactive oondi. ton of the whole system; headache. nervoui prostration, and was almost helpless. No physicians or medicines did her any good Three months ago she began to use Hol Bitters, with such good effect that she seemi and feels young again, although over seventy years old We think there is no other medt cine 1t to use in the family.-A lady in Provi dence, R. I.-Jouraal.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Thunder has been heard in Iceland in only twenty-three hours during tho last fourteen years.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

DH. ANARCHISTS UTERINE CATHOLICoN will post lively cure Female Weakness, such Falling of tht Womb Whites, Chronic Inflammation Liberation oi Womb. Incidental Hemorrhage or Flooding, Painful Suppressed and Irregular Aenshuaton, kc An old ant iaoe remedy. Send postal card for pamphlet, witi teatment, cures and certificates from physicians Sold by all Druggsts-Sl-5o psr botkie.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

ssThick, broad soles for shoes are now in order. Dry, warm feet save many a doctors bill.-Dr. Fcote's Hedlth Monthly,
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
,r..~n.,,,...Y. Y.ns..I

The Friend Of Delicate Lad1eei
 Warmers Safe Kidney and Liver Cure is the remedy that will cure the many diseases pecu- liar to women. Headaches, neuralgia, disor, de. ed nerves, weakness, mental shocks, and kindred ailments are effectually removed by it's use,-Ihe Mothers -Haaazine.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

On the cultivation of the mind of woman depends the wiedom of men.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Malarial levers can be prevented, also other miasmatic diseases, by occasionally using Dr. SarJord's Lfper Inpigorator, the oldest general Family Medicine, which is recom- mended as a cure for all diseases caused by a disordered liver. Eighty-page book sent free. Address Dr. Sanford, l62 Broadway, N. r.
 Dr. c. E. Shoemaker, the well-known aural surgeon ot Reading, Pa., offers to send by mail, free of charge, a valuable little book on deaf ness and diseases of the ear-specially on rum ming ear and catarrh, and their proper treat thanksgiving references and testimonials that will satisfy the most skeptical Address as above.
 VEGETINE is nourishing and strengthening {; purif1es the blood; regulates the bowels; Quiets the nervous system; acts directly up.
 on the secretions, and arouses the whole system to action.
 The VoItaic Belt Co.,, Marshall Mtch. Will send their Electro Voltaic Belts to the afflicted upon 30 days trial. See their adver- | tisement in this paper headed, "On 30 Days Trial"
 Get Lyon's Patent Heel Stiffeners applied | to those new boots betore you run them over
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Myriads of people sacrince themselves through carelessness. They are attacked with cold, neglect it and die, instead of talk. ing Dr. Bulls Cough Syrup and living on use- fully. Price 25 cts. a bottle.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Most people think of starch as being used only by washerwomen in doing up fine linen, but it really forms large part of the food of man. Rice is nearly nine-tenths starch, and Indian corn and barley more than two-thirdS.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

England imports bacon to the value of $50. GOO GOO per annum.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24

Get Lyon's Patent Heel Stiffeners applied to those new boots before you run them over.
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
CHrinus EnitanhS.

Here lies John Adams ,who received thump Right on the forehead, from the parish pump Here lays John, with Mary his bride They lived and they laughed while they were
 able,
 And at last was obliged to knock under the
The Newtown bee., 1880-11-24
Hyacinth Culture.


 When potting the bulbs fill the pots
 early to the top with soil; then make small hole, into which place the bulb then add more soil, and press it firmly around the bulb. for, if this is not at tended to, as the roots start they are apt to lift the bulb out of the soil. To grow them in glasses, fill with water sufficiently high to >flnrv D has 1.-the bulb to touch it, and, as it evaporates keep supplying when necessary.
 Whether planted in pots or placed in glasses, set them away in some dark, cool place, which induces them to make roots, and do not remove into light until the pots and glasses are well filled with them. They can then be brought into a warmer room and placed in the light, a few at time, so that succession of blooms can be secured.
 The single hyacintbs generally bloom earlier than the double and to me appear just as pretty. The Roman hyacinths are the most useful for florists, as they can be forced into bloom much earlier and, although the spikes are not so large, several of them are usually produced from the same bulb.
 The culture of hyacinths in beds is very simple. Enrich the soil with we'll rooted manure, dig deeE, and level the bed on the surface; then plant the bulbs about six inches deep. Glve the bed g good mulching with manure, or any material which will prevent frost from getting too deep into the soil. Before the bulbs begin to grow in the spring remove the mulch. The flower-spikes soon appear, and the labor upon them is repaid with beautiful flowers at sea son when but few flowers are to be seen
 After they have finished towering and the foliage has decayed, lift thu bulbs, dry. and store away in paper bags
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
OTTAWA ILL., SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4. $780,


you want anything for wedding or Christmas
presents GO to Hoxie's where you will find the
largest, finest and cheapest stock OF goods evei
seen west of Chicago. have fine line of Dec
GRATED Dinner and Tea Sets, which am selling
very cheap In fancy vases and toilet sets have
the largest and finest assortment in Ottawa and
the prices lower than the lowest.
hare just received large line Of Photograph Al
bu,as and autograph Albums that fought especially
for the Holiday trdde-ttey ave ,try tine and you can
buy them cheap.
A full line OF China cups and saucers, nous
tache cups, children's cups. China mugs, full
line OF China TOYS, a large line OF wax dolls, very
cheap; boys tool chest with tools, boys sleighs
and full line OF carts and wagons, wooden toys
and tin toys Of all kinds. Full line Of parlor
lamps and hanging lamps at bottom prices. My
goods were all bought in eastern cities for cash
and will not be undersod Everyone is invited
to call and examine goods and compare prices
Come and see my stock Of goods and save money
II you want anything in stone ware don't buy un
It'll you see my stock G. w. IoxIR,
43 La Sale St.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
AnIOnn CeInents.

The Board OF Supervisors meet in special ses
sion on Monday next.
Regular meeting Of the City Council on Tues
day evening.
Barney Macau,ey as Uacle Dan'i in "a Messen
ger from Jarvis Section" tonight.
Frank Mayo as E4py CrOckett on Monday night
The Chicago Church Choir Concert Co.. as
sisting Miss Lottie E. Clark, elocutionist, who
will make lher debut in Ottawa professionally
on Friday evening.
st. Mchael's (eatholic) church will hold grand
Fair in Streator Dec. 27-Jan. l, which will, Of
course, present all the attraction OF entertain
Inents Of that nature.
The book club has begun its work. The case
With the first installment OF books is at Mr.. Jos
Negailin's shoe store, where subscribers may
get books in the future.
A teachers institute will be held at the Black
stone school, Mendoza, to-day, sessions being
during the morning and afternoon. The pro-
gramme is very interesting one.
On Monday evening Prof. ,G.,S Rice delivers a
lecture on vocal culture at the Congregational
church.
The young ladies Of Mrs. sweetzer's Bible
Glass VIII give reception sociabie in the lecture
room Of the NJ. f. church on neS! Tuesday eve
ming. Al are cordially invited.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
They Take the Cake.

Few stores in Ottawa present Il more attractive
appearance at this time than HULL * BARTELS
fur and hat store The fur stock is now, of
course, the chief center of interest; and their
shelves and show windows show a stock which
in extent, variety and richness of goods is in.
deed metropolitan and entirely unequaled in
this section. All desirable goods In this line are
carried by them-their own manuiacture-for
ladies and misses.
Also a large stock of buffalo and fancy fur
robes, which (as also in all furs) they guarantee,
and which are offered at as low prices as goods
of the same quality can be purchased anywhere.
Special attention is given to fur-trimming for
cloaks and dolmans. Their trimmings have
given more than usual satisfaction to very
large number of ladies this season
Bargains still offered in seal skin cloaks, dol
mans hats, etc.
A fine line of gentlemen's fur goods.
All are requested to call.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
+ \ 10 MEDIA.

Our stock Of juvenile books Is complete. We
have books with the finest cOored engrayings
that are made and must he seen to be appreci.
ated. They are sold much below the prices asked
for them in Chicago, Call and see them.
OsMAN * HAPEMAN.
! Books in sets, such as Dickens, Thackeray,
/ Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Waveriy Novels, Ma.
caulay, Gibbon, &c, at very low prices at Ga.
man IL Hapeman's.
Books in fine bindings, such as Shakespeare,
Longfellow, Whittier, Rhyme OF the Ancient Ma
riner Indian Summer, Dream of Fair Women,
&c, at Osman Il Hapeman's.
Fine steel eHgravings at Osman & Hapemar's
A beautiful display Of Swiss Carvings and Oh
i've Wood Goods at much less than Chicago pri-
ces, at OsRan IL Hapeman's. Don't fail To see
them.
Fine japanese Trays, Card Receivers and Fans,
with the celebrated Miaco DECORATIONS, beauti-
full IN design, at Osman * Eapeman's.
Dolls of all sizes. The largest assortment In
tine city and at the lowest prices. Don't buy a
doll until you have seen our stock.
OsgAN * HAPEMAN.
Subscriptions received for all the principal
periodicals and newspapers published in the
United States at Osman & Hapemans.
The largest lot OF Photograph Albums in OF
tawa and at the lowest prices NAV be found at
O.man Il Hapeman's.
Boys sleds, express wagons and carts at Os-
man ~ Hapemans.
Call at Osman K Hapeman's and see those fine
Venetian Vases, Craquille Bouquet Holders and
Toilet Setz, new STYLES and shapes. The finest
goods in the city.
Velvet frames, silk embroidered, beautiful de-
signs, at Osman * Hapeman's.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04

ACCIDENTs.-On Tuesday u buggy containing
Mr.. &. Werner and ladies was run into by a coal
wagon and upset. One lady was bruised and the
buggy demoralized.
The housekeeper at Judge Dickey's residence
had shoulder dislocated by a fall on Tuesday.
-. Weisner was shot through the hand on
Thursday while carelessly handling revolver.
He was amusing himself while skating.
On Wednesday, while in his buggy with Mrs.
Hard, DR.. G. Hard, by the sudden shying of the
horse and Overturning Of the buggy in conse-
quence suffered dslocated shoulder
Jimmy DoOlan, aged IL years, was run over by
a wagon on last Friday night and seriously hurt
internally.
James Walshaw, pit-boss in the Streator Coal
Co.'s shaft, on Tuesday evening last walked into
the shaft in the dark and fell distance OF 20 #.
to the top of the cage. He struck on his left
side, had his left leg and arm brokeH in several
places and the left side Of his head crushed, not
withstanding he lived some two hours after his
fail. He was young man and unmarried.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
To the Ladies' Holiday Goods.

The ladies will save q deal of time and hard
thinking to solve the problem what to provide
for their gentlemen friends at the holidays by
taking glance through the stock of holiday
goods at FIsKE u BEEM's. Suppose we suggest
One Of those elegant boxes OF collars and cuffs
0inen), useful as we'll as ornamental, which
would make an excellent present for any gentle
man. Or
Selections from the splendid stock of silk goods
handkerchief, scarfs, &c. probably the finest
stock ever shown here Or
Fine neckwear, of which there is supert
stock. Or, not to forget the little folks
Selections from the immense stock Of chldrcn's
clothing.
The ladies should not fail to see this stock
containing many other novelties for gentlemen.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04

We are showing some very pretty Dress Goods
at low and medium prices; also handsome inc
OF Black Silks, Black and Colored Cashmeres, MO
mic Cloths, Brocades and Jamestown Alpacas.
Any Of which would make an appropriate Christ
mas present.
Our Cloaks and Domans are nice fitting, neat
~ trimmed, andiat prices within the reach OF all
choice assortment Of Paisley Shawls for Inc
holiday trade.
We have fine stock OF Hoods and Nubias.
We desire to call attention to our stock OF 10
dies, gents and children's silk and linen hand
kerchiefs in plain, embroidered and printed Dor
ders, something very NICE and at prices Whlci
cannot fail to please.
Germantown and knitting yarns of all kinds
and bargains in every department Of our large
stock.
Please call; would be glad to show YOU wheth
er you wish to buy or not; we will not misrep
resent any goods, and will guarantee the loves
prices on any article you buy OF us. Resp'y,
u. HEHNAN & Co.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
Arctic overshoes at j. Megaflin's.

One reason why Mr.. K. II. Trask, the jeweler
is always able to present to the public fresh
goods and the latest novelties in slver-ware
jewelry, &C., is because Of his squad Of travel
ing statesmen so familiar in neighborng towns
Through them his stock is constantly being
rapidly turned over; goods never get "behind
the times" and never get high-priced by accu
mutations Of interest or because of small pur
chases. At this season, of course, his stock il
specially attractive and increased in size; but
will be found richer than most people imagine
The stock Of watches is the largest VIC have
ever seen here, and contains some exquisite
goods in both gold and silver. He shows some
beautiful effects in diamonds, at very reasonable
figures indeed; and early in the coming week
the stock of hollow and case goods and
other novelties in gold ana silver will be largely
augmented by new invoices expected by eacl
express. We know of no house more truly wortl
the visit he requests all to make.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04
Notice.

Having sold my stock Of stoves and hardware
to j. f. Porter, I wish to return thanks to my
friends and customers who have stood by me
through the ups and downs OF trade; and will
say that the warm side of my eiZzard will ever
be for La Sale county and La Sale people.
Parties owing accounts will find the books at
the old stand for a short time. Yours truly.
8 E. DEWEY
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04

Walther's, on Court street, Is putting on holi-
day attire, and will be this season ever, Santa
Claus's headquarters. During the past week or
so, toys and thousand other fancy articles have
been coming in to delight the little ones and big
ones, too, during the glorious holiday season.
The world of toys, &c, with oceans of candy,
fruits, nuts, oysters, &c, &c, make a store, q
visit to which is absolutely Indispensable to prop
erlY celebrate the HOLIDAYS
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04

We have now in stock the best and largest as
sortment of Pianos and Organs we ever had, and
cordially invite all to look through it, whether
with the intention to purchase or not. Having
made very favorable contracts with the factories
we are enabled, in spite of recent sharp advances
in prices, to sell as low as ever. We are offering
only instruments from reliable makers, and viii
make it an object for anyone in need of anything
in our line to come and see us
SIMON Bios, Opera House Block.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-04

On yesterday morning about 9 o'clock, the
roof Of NJ. Formhals's house on west Madison ST.,
took fire from defective chimney. passer-by
discovered the fire and gave the alarm The fire
followed the rafers along to the frame OF the
house, so that it was impossible to eXtinguish
the fame without using the steamer, water be-
ing thrown in through hole cut in the roof The
loss on building and damage to contents was
about 5000 insured with Geo. Ravens