The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-01-06
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
A WEATHER PRorHET.-A pleasant
anrcGOtC Is tolh Of Partridge the ccic.
bratch almanac maker. In travelling
on hor cback into the country he stop.
ped for Ills dinner at an inn, ana after.
ward called tor his horse that ne might
reach the next town where he Intend.
to sleep.
"Ir yon would take my advice, SIR
SAID the worthy hostler, as he was about
where you arc for the night, as you
will surely be ovcr:aken by pcltlng
RAIN"
"Nunscnsc, nOnScnse,' said the al.
manac-maker, "there is Al siXpenSc fni
you my honest fellow, and good after
noon to yOu."
lie proceeded on his Journey, and
sure enough he was well drenchcd in Il
heavy shower. Partridge was struck
with the mans prediction, and being
always intent on the interest Of his al.
manac, he rode back on the instant,
and was received by the hostler with u
broad grin.
"Wcll, sir, you see was right after
ALL"
eyes, my lad, you have been go, and
here Is crown for you: but give it
to on condition that you tell mc how
you knew Of this rain.''
"To be sure, sir" replied tho man ;
"why the truth is we have an almanac
in our house called 'Partridge's Alma
nac,' and the fellow is such a notorious
liar, that whenever he promises us a
fine day we always know that 1T will
be the direct contrary, Now, your
honor, this, the 21st of June, is put
down In our almanac indoors as 'set-
tied hnc weather, no rain.' l looked
at that before J brought your horse
Sut, and so was enabled to put you on
your guard,
ARCTIC CHEEK.-A hundred years
from now Baldwin's Hotel, in San
Francisco, will be cut up into canes,
and tho latter sold ut a dollar apiece as
relies of building in which was eX-
hibitcd the most colossal instance OF
arctic cheek in American annals. a
gorgeous velvet-vcstcd aud cut glass
diamond-pin stranger from Chicago
was requested to leave the house after
it was discovered thut the only effect
for two weeks board-bill he pos.
scsscu was Il carpet-bag containing Il
pair of old socks and bushcl Of saw
dust.
"llow dare YOU suggest such u
thinG,' said tn" guest, twirling his
oroidc Chain. 81 am Chairman of the
CHI 400 Committee to receive Grant.
Don : you know a prominent citizen
when you see one?'
"lf you don't CO.. said the impcrta-
bic clerk, "wc'll have to fire you out. ;"
"By whose authority do you pcrpe-
trate this outrage, sir2 BY what"
"By the napc of the neck and the
seat OF your trousers" interrupted
the clcrk, firmly, and he rang for Il
porter.
every we'll, sir, under the circum-
stances, III go; but mind y0u, young
man, dont let Mis occur AGAIN - and he
walked loltily out.
AN old lawyer in Philadelphia long
had the reputation Of being Tie most
courteous man IN the city, because he
was always SO polite to his wife when
he Glanced 10 meet her in the street
but an ungenerous foe at last discov-
cred and made known the fact that
the ola lawyer was ncar-sightcd and
mistOOk his wife for some other yom-
an.
a WIFE wanted her husband to SYM
pathiZe with her in Il feminine quarrel ;
but he refused, saying, "I'vc lived
long enough to know than one woman
Is AZ good as another, If not better. -
"And l." rctortcd the wife, "haye liv-
ed long enough to know that one man
IL as bad rs another, If not worse |"
LADY will beat q grocer down on
half pound Of mustaId, but she Will
always give peddler his price.
No matter how honest or upright the
small boy may he, his mother prefers
to keep the pantry containing the pies
locked.
THE boy who takes deliberate aim at
bird and lets fly and blows his head
Off will be heard from shortly.
The man with the fine country resi-
dencc Is not putting on 80 many airs
as he did four months ago.
The more costly and delicate the
stockings. the more young lady is in
different to wind.
lT Is always The scarfpin with the
most brass OIL 1t that finds the readiest
sale.
lHE CLcS are not OF literary turn,
but IL is said that they arc all we'll red.
No boy Is too high-toned to go shoot
ing with a seventy-flve cent pistol.
No man has ever been known to
pawn his straw hat.
CAUSE AND EFrECr. r.-rhc main cuus,
OF nervousness Is inuigcStior, and thai
IL caused by weakness of the stomach.
one can have sound nerves and gJoI
health withon, using Hop Bitlers TO
strengthen the stomach, purify the
plooh, and keep tho liver aud kidneys
act,ve, to carry of all the poisonous
ana waste matter Of the system. SEQ
other column.
A FvfoRIrE CoUGH REMEDY.-For
Colds, Sore Throat, Asthma, Cntarrh
and other diseases OF tho bronchial
tubes, no more useful article can be
found than the well-known "Dro,on's
Bronchial Tr0ches.