The Osceola times., 1880-08-21
WAYS or THE WORLD.

SAafsy cSAsh~o.
Go not to the tavern with the beer
pitcher. Ii may not inn-ewer to your
advantage.
AN unhappy marriage Is ike an cleo
tric machine-it makes one dance, but
you can't let go.
They call it draw poker because it
draws 80 much money nom the untkIii-
fL mans pocket-book.
An Iowa woman has invented q
spankaphone. II works well, but only
ct short range.
THE pretty women OF New Zealand are
described as great takers, and rub-noses
instead Of kissing.
Hans CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN, the great
Swedish story.teller, has q monument
erected to him in Copenhagen.
THou0u he may never take part in q
marriage ceremony, the grocer quite fre-
Quenuy gives woman weigh.
~IxrrERs to catch EN-" is tho signi-
6cant way in which Q juvenile friend
puts it on reading of the French revolu-
don.
N.yER look down upon q man be-
cause of his occupation. The collector
OF kitchen refuse may be an offal nice
man.
Az Illinois man found his runaway
wife working in male attire in Peoria
tailor shop, where her sex was unsus-
pected.
A CoLoRADo girl lost q leg, and her
esllant lover had pocket-book made of
q niece OF tanned skin from the smpu-
tsted part.
Ar Bourton. O., O vicious colt, when
they tried TO drive it, reared till 1t fell
over backwards, landed on its head, and
was killed
ALApY was one of the largest winners
Il the recent Derby and ranks high
among the chief patrons and good judges
ef the turf.
GK. BURNSIDE has on excellent farm
n Bristol, near Newport, and is said to
talk learnedly on root crops, corn and
Jersey cattle,
TIE steamer st. John, which runs
from ALBANY to New York on the night
line, is claimed TO be the largest river
boat in the world.
Tus Oil City Derrick prints series of
winter-weather items. They we're prob.
ably prepared with too-confding faith
in the prophet Vennor.
NJ. SARcEY, the French critic, says;
"When the Prince Of Wales laughs at q
theatrical performance, loyalty makes
every Briton laugh also"
A MEMORIAL to be erected by the off,
GERS of the British army at Woolwich. to
the Prince Imperial Napoleon, is to be
executed by Count Gleichen.
aAYs Filkins impatiently: II can't do
any thing like anybody else" The
truth Is, probably, that nobody else can
do any thing like Filkins.
MUTTON was asked II be intended to
instruct bis daughter in the different
languages, to which he replied: "No, sir!
One tongue is sufficient for woman"
&c. SrKpNAN, who is summcring at
Swampscott, is at work upon o critical
essay on Walt Whitmans poems. The
essay will be published early in the au-
tumn in Scribnsr.
MRs. DUNCAN KERR, of Hanlan Co.,
Neb., recently dug and finished 53-foot
well with no assistance except that rem
dsred by her two little boys, aged eight
end ten years respectively.
TusY have sleeping girl at Tarville,
Bucks, England. She has been in
trance for nine years, living on vino
and milk: A local physician thinks she
To parslysed and unconscious.
A CHILD is in o Montreal hospital with
fourteen fingers and two thumbs on each
hand, webbed together. A doctor has
separated them and the child is expect
ed to live. It is TO revolutionize piano
playing.
No lady who has been before divorce
court, however innocent she may be or
ON Whatsoever side she may have been,
" permitted by etiquette to have her
name pass for O drawingroom at the
English court.
THE announcement that the Empress
OF Russia died alone. UNATTENDED by any
member Of her family, and during even
the absence Of the one servant who was
In her room during the night, has given
iae to much comment In England
He was Q little verdant. or he never
would have said, perhaps we had bet
ter walk ON till we come to a settee
where we can sit together" "Oh, no, u
she replied, sweetly; you sit down in
the chair, and will be the settee."
LApoucHKRR saws: "The double monde
competes with the demi-monde; it is
church-going, and there is no reason
why it should not be externally devout.
Wives OF the double monde are husband
less unless on state occasions, and hus-
bands wifeless."
MR. RvsKIN shakes his thunder ct the
novelists. Modern English novels, he
avers, are conspicuous as works OF imag-
ination, for an absence of all that is noble,
OF all which makes life respectable, and
the primary cause Of the falling away ii
the hct that novelists for the most part
live in cities.
A JUDGE Of much experience says: 81
have never had breach Of promise case
before me in which the mother of the
girl did not know more about it than
her daughter. She always suspects the
fellow is q rascal and accordingly gets
ready for him."
An old lady Of wealth named Rashleigh
died lately at Exmouth, Devonshire,
aged %. In her will, which she wrote
herself, she expressed her profound hor-
ror of lawyers. OF course the will was
contested, but Its validity was main
tRined, despite some intormality in the
way in which the venerable testatrix
drew It up.
A LlBMALHiNDED lsraelite wrote re-
Gently the following letter TO the head Of
q Jesuit establishment In France: 81, a
son of Israel, a free-thinker and repub-
lican, offer you the hospitalities of my
house from the day of the execution OF
the decrees Of the 2Sth of March, in
token Of my protest against those de-