Sharp County record., 1880-02-05
Finding the Shears.

Mrs. Major Wheeloek, wife of that old
pioneer and eminently respected citizen
of that name, leaned over the banister
the other morning and answered him:
"The shears? Why, they are right
down there somewhere. | was using
them not five minutes ago.
The Major wanted them to trim off a
horSe-blanket at the barn, and he
marched into the sitting-room and up to
the family work-basket. OF course they
were there. He tumbled ball of yarn,
a paper of pins, a half-made garment, u
button-boX and pin-cuShion off on the
floor, made a dive among bodkins,
worSted, threads, and darning-needles,
and the shears did not turn up. He
stood the work-basket on its head, but
it was no good. Then he went over to
the what-not and raked off three or four
photographs, ratified down lot of shells
and Knocked off two books, but the
shears were not there. He was red in
the face as he went into the hall and
called out:
81 can't find hide nor hair of 'em,
and don't believe you ever had any!"
"Now look again-that's a good
man. she replied. 81 know they are
right there"
The Major got down on hands and
knees and looked under the lounge. No
shears. Then he stood up and looked
on the mantel. The nearest approach
to shears there was a bent hailypin.
Then he walked around and surveyed
each window-sill, and gave the work.
basket another racket.
81 tell you there amt no shears, or
else I'm blinder'n a bait" he shouted
from the hall after he had given the hall
tree looking over.
"Why, Major, how impatient you
are!"
"There's no impatience about it! [
tell you the shears amt here! No one
can ever find any thing in this house!
| had to look a straight hour the other
day to find a gimlet!"
eff you don't see them in the bed
room I'll come down"
He entered the bedroom, glanced over
the bureau and stand, pulled the shams
off the pillows end Whirled the pillows
around, and then took down a halr-oil
bottle from a bracket and looked into it.
The shears were not in the bottle, nor
any where else. Stay! They might
have been carried under the bed by that
mysterious household tide which carries
articles from room to room in an inyiSi-
BILE manner. He crawled under, bumped
his head on the Stats, got dust in his
throat, and was backing out with blood
in his eye, when his wife called out:
"Why, what on earth are you after?'
"After. After" he shouted as he al
most coughed his head off; "I'm after
them Internal shears!"
"Why, here they are! They were
lying in my sewing-chair, right in plain
sight,
II don't believe it'll never believe
it. looked into that chair over ten
thousand times!"
"Well, there they are.n
"It's no such thing! You've lost 'em
or pawned em or traded 'em for gum.
You've no more order in your house
than an old cooper-shop!"
He walked past the chair into the hall
and was going out when she called
"Dear, aren't you going to take the
shears?"
"Shears? What shears? I'm going
over to the store and buy me pair Of
shears, and if any human being in this
house ever puts finger on 'em they'll
suffer for it! I'll see if / can't have q
pair of shears in my house after being
married for upwards of forty-three
yearsln
And he pulled down his hat and slam
med the door with all his might as he
went out.-DetrOH Free Press.