Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1880-10-07
A TALE OF A PUMP.
BY j. z. Il.

and then only from their lack of the Oc-
equations to which they had previously
been accustomed; others, again, never
plunge into the humorous until that peri
cd, and another class would as soon
think of committing burglary as giving
way to habit of censorious satire until
their scalps are in the shining condition
of the uncle Ned celebrated in song. As
for the other sex, they in the decline of
life exhibit fewer of the changes that APP
proach eccentricity; it is the mlddle-age
and elderly gentlemen who take to ways
that, in their early years, would have en-
tirely spoiled their prospects, or if they
had plenty of money, consigned them to
luuatic asylum.
The hero of the following story was
rapidly approaching sixty when he ac-
quired the reputation of being the ''fun-
niest old gent" that lived out Finchley
way, and how he developed into that no.
toriety will not take long nor be I'M
pleasant in the telling.
He was retired tIadesman, bachelor
from choice, for he had never given any
woman an opportunity of jilting him,
and for forty years had been known in a
business street of the Strand as one of
the staidest of men.
Having amassed fortune, he retired
to small villa in the quiet end of Finch
ley, far out of the sight and hearing of
all the cemeteries, with a young lady, the
daughter of deceased friend, for ward
and companion, and ''churchwarden"
as long as his walking stick for soother
in his hours of meditation.
lie was thickset, short, rosy-cheeked,
jolly looking party, bald as philosopher
who had early devoted his hair to the
pursuit of the impossible, but as genial
in manner as a good old parson in the
green old age of placid self contentment.
1t need scarcely be added that he loved
good ale, and although he had never read
or heard of Warton, ne could with him
exclaim:
my sober evening lei the tankard bless,
While the rich dranghts, with oft-repeated
whitfs,
Tobacco mild improves"
He was sitting in his pretty garden,
his custom of a fine afternoon IN the
summer, as usual smoking, and this time
listening, OF pretending to listen to q
young fellow, who was talking volubly
of the cares and anxiet1es Of life that
had just stretched itself into its twenty.
third year.
This is the age of mediocrity, uncle, y
said the young man with languid energy
''Genius is unappreciated. A fellow, tt
succeed in either art or literature, mus
creep; if he tries to soar above the com
mon level, worry and distraction keep!
him downtown, uncle, and unless h.
grovels in the dust of the dullness of thu
common herd Of authors and artists, h
must starve-starve, uncle, for he cannot
live on the wind Of his own ef-approval
The paintings you admired so much thu
society would not look at, but they coul(
hang inferior work on the line-actuall,
on the line, uncle"
What further he might have said wa
not said, for his uncle, like one inspired
rose from his seat, and, with his pipe
waved him in the direction OF a littl
door IN the garden wall, at the sam
time crying out:
Follow me-
The old gentleman conducted his re
lative into back yard, apparently de
voted to clothes drying and lumber, O.
one side of which, right under the blaz
ing sun. was pump, rusty handled, an
in the last stage of dilap1dation.
''Do you see that pump?" said the ur
Gle.
His nepheY acknowledged that h
did.
sit strikes me forcibly," said the ur
Gle, seating himself on an aged chat
THAT the pump is key to mystery
Tho rUolt hoe haoy, Lone I1n,,oor
Who knows, now, what a valuable meo
ic1nal water it contains? It is sal
truth lies in we'll. Many fortune hs
been found in one. Oblige me, Fred, b
putting off your coat and pumping"
Fred cheerfully complied with the RI
quest, for, having expectations from til
owner of the pump, he felt it would /
folly to refuse to comply with any OF h
reasonable commands.
So Fred pumped until the perspir;
ton exuded from every pore of his bod
and his arms ached as they had new
ached at any athletic sport In which /
had INDUCED, but never drop of watt
came. His uncle looked on, smOkin
the while, and with all the gravity of a
American Indian. At the end of abol
half an hour, Ned dropped the rust
handle in disgust, and exclaimed:
"The well is dryp'
Sand SO am l. replied his uncle, fl
ing on his exhausted nephew pair
round, gooseberry eyes, from which g
speculation seemed long ago to have va
ished.
Fred, however, seemed to read son
meaning in their unwinking star
probably the monosyllable response a
sisted him to an Interpretation, for pu
ting on his coat, he left the yard witho
uttering word. In the house he e
countered the ward, Miss Helen We're,
pretty and accomplished young lady
eighteen, who thought him the han
soonest and cleverest young man in ,
creation, and was quite prepared
throw herself and fortune on his broa
manly bosom.
Fred was quite aware of the state
her mind with regard to him, and fon
ly reciprocated her affection; but with
his failings as genius in the thrall
morbid depression of energy, he "
honorable, and scorned the suggestion
marrying girl for her money, even
he legally could have done so.
sfWhat is the matter2" inquired I
young lady, peering into his heated a
much discomposed visage. "Ha
guardy and you quarrelled95
"No, we have not quarrelled, but
has taught me lesson I shall not 90
forget" and, kissing her tenderIy,
hurried from the house.
His uncle observed his dcpartu
&n.d nth anrnafhinu anrraach;nr,
chuckIe, said to himself:
at viii do HIM good. The lad wa
rousing. There's prime stuff in hi
but it lies idle on the shelf, as unsale