The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-06-11
Phsinnygraplls.

circus from the description given on the
advertising boards.
MANY a young lady marries a rich
man, but finds soon after that he is a
very poor husband.
The spots on the sun do not begin to
create the disturbance produced by the
freckles on the daughter.
PATRICK on the zebra" Plat kind of
OF n haste is that-the mule wild his
ribs on the outside of his shkin en-
toirly?
A POLITICAL speech is something in
which mans statements are apt to
come back to him, just as if it were "a
boom harangue.
A TALL man having rallied friend
on the shortness of his legs, the friend
replied "My legs reach the ground
what more can yours do !"
lT is said that there is one cow to
every four persons in this country, and
ii the wells and springs were to fail some
of us would be put on short allowance of
milk and cream.
A MASSACHUSETTS lady is reported to
have scolded her little boy for taking a
drink of water at hotel "For," said
she, "we pay n dollar for our dinner,
and water is filling.
"WHY,' asked a governess of her lit
tie charge, A." do we pray God to give us
our daily bread? Why don't we ask for
four days, or five days, OF week 2"
because we want it fresh" replied the
ingenious child.
81 NEVER thought but once" said old
Deacon Webbing, that it was sin to
steal an umbrella" ''And when was
that ?" asked a friend. 1T was when
some pesky thief stole my new silk one"
answered the deacon.
:" If were as hard up as you are"
remarked one citizen to another, ed
get out OF it some way, If L had to beg
or steal. ''What, / beg? l steal ?"
exclaimed the other, Indignantly, ed
sooner--sooner get trusted ~
tentive listener at church, was COM
mended by her pastor. YES" she
said, latter my hard weeks work is
done, l get SO rested to come to church,
and sit and think about nothin' -
A LITTLE girl heard some one say,
"Tempus fugit, and asked her IN other
what it meant. She was told that it
was one way of saying Cline flies" A
few days afterward she said, very
grayely: Why, mn, how tempus does
tidget -
The circus is coming" remarked
Mrs. Goodington, laying down her pa
per, with no end OF trained horses and
caramels, hypothenuses and other be-
dizens of the forest and jungle. How
well l remember the first time Daniel
took me to the circus. As we entered
tae tainted inclosllre L said to him
How terribly the wild animals growl,
don't they?' L was eenamost frightened
To- death, till Daniel told me it was only
the vendoos of peanuts and prize packa-
ges plying their rogation."
A UNITED STATES Senator says that
he would not give a fig for girl who
could not answer these questions:
'"How long must hen set before chick
ems. are Matched? How long does tur-
key set before Matching brood? How
old must chickens be before they are tit
to bron? At what age may young pigs
be roasted? ?" He has trained his daugh-
ter ON these points, and is proud to say
that she can pass the examination sue
cessiully. He might also have asked
her how long young man sits before
gliding gently up to her end of the sofa,
and, how long they both sit that way
after the old man is heard to get out of
bed upstairs. We wouldn't give fig
for N girl who couldn't answer these
questions.
'"wHAT's the difference, tfil me, Mary,
'Twixt cyclone and nlel?f
"Such conundrums We're too cruel"
''This,n said he, " is the solution;
Quite correct, dear, you will find it
One drives everything before it.
One let's drive at all behind it,
''wHAT are sealed proposals. Tom?"
Archly asked brght-eyed miss,
Whose mouth upturned like a rosebud sweet,
Seemed asking for kiss.
"Why Fanny dear, I'll ILLUSTRATED
'Tis plain a, b, C,
Give me your hand-you have my heart
And now 'tis sealed-you see
Why Senator Gordon Resigned.