Morris tribune., 1880-07-01
HERE AND THERE.

The cause of woman suffrage is MAX
h-g progress in Iowa.
It is not true that Princeton students
scalp the freshmen they kill.
Do not insult the under man in fight
by telling him there is plenty of room on
top.
Anna Louise Cary is q sweet singer to
some purpose. She gets $1,000 month
and expenses.
"Waiterw Eyes, sir" "What's this?"
"It's bean SOUP" mo matter what it
has been; the question is, what is it
nowr"
An article in one of the New York
magazines asks "How does beer work ?"
1t works mischief, if you take too much
of it.
Omaha has noticed that when her riv-
er is muddy her milk and beer are the
same, and she calls it a curious dispense
ton of Providence.
When Miss Bertha Won Hillern walk
ed in Washington, her agent had to scour
the country for thirty miles before he
could get sawdust for her to walk on.
For rich man to make viii that will
please all his heirs, is about as difficult a
task as for an editor to undertake to
print paper to please all his readers.
1t makes suffering man awful mad
to be drawn into discussion about "the
reconciliation of the dollars of our faith.
ers," and the necessity of an intercon-
yertible bi-metallic currency"
Junior clerk: "Would you kindly per-
NIT me to absent myself tomorrow to
attend my fathers flneral% Head of
firm deep in figures y "You may GO
Hawkins, but pray-do not let this hap
pen again."
VIII. Lister, a young man in Cedar
county, Neb., was while ago Tiving in
clover" engaged to half dozen young
ladies, and would have been YET, if they
hadn't begun inviting each other to be
bridesmaids.
The Pennsylvania salt manufacturing
company turned out over one million
boxes of concentrated I've last year. Eli
Perkins and Gath either want to hump
up their backs and distinguish them
selves or else go out of the business.
New Orleans owes Mrs. Gaines $4,000
900; and she says when she gets her
money she is going to publish newspa-
per. 1t is strange that she should want
to spend in six months the money she
was nearly whole life time in securing.
Sunday is the golden clasp that
| binds together the volume of the week, !"
says writer. 1t is also a good time to
pull off your boots and try what bunion
remedies you have accumulated during
the preceding six days.
NSlen alone, we have our thoughts ia
watch; in the family, our temper, in so.
.ciety, our tongues. We should endeavol
to illustrate our devotions in the morn.
ing by our conduct through the day.
jenkins said that some persons were
of opinion that a man could not be law
yer and adhere strictly to the truth but
for his part, he believed man could.
Jones remarked that he hoped Jenk'
ms would begin practice right away.
Experience has demonstrated thai
vaccination in infancy is quite sufficient
The question that it should be repeated
every seventh year is a popular errol
which originated in few isolated casel
of smallpox occurring after vaccination
A man in Illinois committed suicide
by drowning, lately, in six inches OF
water. He couldn't have done it alone
but his wife, with that self-sacrifcin,
devotion and helpfulness so characters
tic of the sex, sat on his head.
A brother editor has lost faith in tn,
luck of horse shoes. He nailed ont
over his door recently, and that morn
ing there came by mail three duns anC
seven "stops," and a man called with .
revolver to ask "who wrote that article?
The mother-in-law has been attacked
in the New Jersey courts, where maj
has had the courage to sue her for
thirteen hundred dollar board bill. /
was contracted during one of the shor
visits to see how Maria was getting along
| An India rubber baby. that squeal
like human infant, has been invented
We don't know whether this fills long
felt want or not, but when it comes t
falling out of the third-story window j
certainly possesses one great advantag
over the flesh and blood article.
WHO wants to kiss girl if he know
she's got to let him, and he knows he
got to do it, and everybody's looking O.
to see fair play? No, sir, that takes al
the life cut of it. The way to do is t
catch her off and and tear the gather
CIT of her, and pull the ribbons to pieces
and knock her back hair down, and hea
her say, ooh p all to yourself, and the
go away to quiet place and think
over.
It is easy enough. Suppose you hav
mailed a letter in your pocket an
carried it there three weeks! Sit dow
and write: "You will observe by tn
date of the within, my dear mother-ir
law, that Eliza forgot to hand it to m
until this morning. It has been bange
around in the bureau drawer, and
rather soiled in consequence. / mus
talk to Eliza. She is getting more care
less and forgetful every day."
Thomas Dunn, of Pittsburgh, was al
; rested for simply attempting to cut hi
wife's throat because "she wouldn't pate
. els pants" A man in this enlightene
nineteenth century can't be expected t
: 20 around with unpatched pants. Blu
, there may have been some extenuatin
, circumstances in the case of the Pitts
burgh woman. Her husbands trouser
, may have been black, and she had n
blue or red stuff in the house with whicl
to patch 'em.
He was so drunk he could not wall
could scarcely move, and only PARTIAL
, articulate. A friend of his came up an
, upbraided him. eff I were in you
!, place" said the friend, 'I'd go out in tn
woods and hang myself" "H (hic) 20
were in my place, how (hic) the deuc
!, (hic) would you get to (hic) the woods
was the squelching inquiry.
"A certain barrister, cross-examinin
a witness in Dublin somewhat rudel,
asked him if he had never been before
Ipolice court? eyes," said he, 81 We
Z fined for an assault. A barrister 80 al
noyed me by cross-examination, that
knocked him down when he came oil
) of court."