The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-09-09
Some Amusing College Yarns.


st. Louis has good share of men,
bers OF various alumni, and nothing is
more interesting than to hear these
gentlemen get their heads together and
relate some of their old time expert
ences and legends. A few evenings ago,
several old college men were fighting
their battles over again, and the follow
ing amusing anecdotes were forthcom-
ing:
In one of the most noted Eastern
colleges there were number of stu
dents who were inclined to frolic and
having good time, and their dormi-
tory was located directly above a yard
where one of the officials had quanti-
ty of fine poultry which he was expert
menting with. In the course of events,
they were taken with a natural banker
ing for something to break the monoto-
ny of beef and porridge and succeeded
by means of a fish-line, hook and bit of
bread, in capturing a plump young
gobbler of the bronze variety. 1t was
about Christmas time and the weather
was sufficiently cold to allow the exist
ence of huge CRATE fire which stood
them in good need, after they had
stripped and cleaned the bird. The
other commodities for seasoning were
easily obtainable, and just as they were
sitting down to discuss the feast, I'M
mindful of the fragrance which had
been diffused throughout the establish
ment, they heard the steps of the Pro-
fessor approaching their room. 10 at
tach the turkey to q stout string and
hang it out of the window was the work
of a moment. The platter was pushed
away and jack-knives were hastily put
up. The Professors keen scent brought
him direct to the apartment, and when
he knocked and the door was opened
the Odor of roast fowl was too strong to
be denied. They denied all part in the
matter, however, and indeed the most
thorough search ON the part of the Pro-
lessor discovered nothing. He quietly
sat down and INDUCED them with an
hours discourse on the classics. To
their great relief, he finally took his
departure, and they proceeded to pull
in their line. If q ghost had entered
the room they could not have been
more surprised and startled. At the
end of the line was a bundle of we'll
picked turkey bones, and attached to
them was card from the young gentle
man in the dormitory below thanking
them for the excellent entertainment
which had been furnished them. When
they went fishing for poultry again,
they took every .precaution to make
sure of their meal"
Another story was related which
abounded in some of the elements of
pathos and many of human nature. At
a certain provincial college was small,
Insignificant looking tutor, who so far
from being an Apollo in appearance was
crowned with shock of sandy hair,
and had a general unhealthiness and
bumpiness of complexion. BY some
means or other he had gained some ascen-
dency over the fair sex of the town,
while his treatment of the older students
was peculiarly aggressive, and he never
lost an occasion to put an affront upon
several of them. At last conspiracy
was organized by some of the larger
ones to lay in wait for Jones, and give
him terrible thrashing, so as to make
him mend his manners and, at the same
time. not absorb so much of the atten-
tions of the pretty girls of the town.
They arranged matters, and a big, good
natured fellow named Schemerhorn was
selected to begin the assault. It was
known that Jones visited certain house
on certain evenings and, there being
no moon the night selected, every thing
was in readiness for the blood-thirstY
undertaking. Schemerhorn was to col
lar Jones, pretending to mistake him
for another member of the class named
Smith. That part of the programme
was carried out, but Jones let out with
the motive power of pile driver, sent
the unfortunate Schemerhorn to the
earth; he jumped up and again the tutor
knocked him down. This was getting
to have q chilling effect upon the other
students and they did not join in with
the alacrity that was expected of them;
while the unfortunate Schemerhorn, who
fairly lowered over his antagonist, was
bleeding from the nose and mouth.
..Hold up, Mr.. JONES'" beloved
Schemerhorn; ''why. l thought it was
Smith,"
.'All right" replied the unwearying
Jones. still letting out right and left;
consider me Smith-sail right in
consider me Smith,
The joke got out, and Il you wanted
to make one of those classmates weary
all you had to do was to whisper icon.
slider me Smith. "-St. Losjs Chronicle.