Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-10-02
A PHILOSOPHER Speaks.

|
| HOaOred Editi0aer or the Evening Star:
have hailed you TO crave sufficient roomage
In your newSpaperiai to have IL divuigate the
heretofore untold analiZation OF an important
| oanlshes coryga and It's malignant concom-
| ltants. The merits OF the exJirpator and its
miraculous exploits will, feel sure, be CRATE
July greeted and appreciated by the intelligent
| masses on the shores OF all countries the
subsequent dissertation is founded on facts,
the efOre it Is destined to dawn on the pages of
modern medical Jurisprudence.
am lover OF company, and no doubt, IN
TESS nave something noble 10 urge me on,
VIII De lonely before announcing the extirpa-
tors location. L have selected Rhetoric aud
| logic TO escort my quill, so now without paus-
| Ing behold US gliding easily and CALAMITY on
our intellectual pilgrimage.
The darkness which embowered the glories
and life giving qualities or the EXttrpat0r has
been swept away las In a whirlwind) by my CO.
lossal achievements OF the past.
On the twenty-ninth day OF October A. ID. one
! thousand eight hundred and siXty-nine saw
| the Exttrpator lying In the bosom OF its mother
earth. / brought the EXtirpator forth and
amazed It's curative properties. The course OF
experiments from which this novel, ingenious
theory was deduced I'm now going to appear.
The analysis OF the EXtirpator revealed to me
these four mighty. substantial yakeels, namely:
Valiant, Nigor. Vitality and Virtue. Each one is
doomed TO sovereig My act as follows: first, eX-
peiS the sOrdeS; second, afayS irritation; third.
dlminlsheS secretion; and fourth, puriteS the
putrtd nose.
Mr.. c. Hinkley of Boston was the first person
on whom tested the Extirpator's wonderful re-
V1Vifyfng powers.
The Extfrpator, educated In the University OF
Nature and endowed by her mysterious laws
WIN tnoSe TOUR named requisites, gently
marched into Mr.. Charles Hlnckley's nasal
cavity and engaged In combating three comoli-
Gated maladlsS-Chrontc Catarrh Bronchitis
and spaSmodlc Asthma
Ia thirty minutes the results OF the conflict
were an amazing expulsion OF more taan one
hundred millions of slain animaculeS: also a
discharge Of nearly three fluid ounces OF sordes
Inc Extrpator came out environed with vic
torious wreathS, and the patient Immediately
Panegertzed the discoyerer upon its successful
engagement.
have in my possession paper from Mr.. C.
H1nckiey confirming the foregoing statement,
and it bears the autographs OF three distin,
guished gentlemen, to wit: The Hon. William
Cafin, then Governor of Massachusetts, Oliver
Warner, then Secretary OF State and the late
n. Is. ShurtleH, then Mayor OF Boston.
among the numerous bodily Affections class
LIED by The most astute pathologists there Is
none SO prevalent disgusting, insidious and de-
Diseases OF the nose which are caused by IN
roads OF SordeS, lead In almost every Instance to
partial or complete deafness aud impaired eye-
sight. Inc voice becomes hOarSe In converse
ton, singing, or reading aloud attended by fire.
quent efforts to clear the throat and windpipe
from sticky poisonous mucus
BY the s0rdeS and animalculeS cloggtng the
nasal emunctorfes the fauces, bronchial tubes
ana lungs become contaminated. as surely "a
Ine boom from cannon succeeds its touch-hole
yidual becomes either confirmed asthmatIc or
cOHSumpt1ve.
Before lay aside the pathological pen or dis
miss Its sublime conveys / Will here give the
detinitton OF sordes, which are momentariIy ac-
| cumulating In diseased mares.
Sordes, foul or filthy matter, dregs, dirt refuse
eXcret10nS; SordeS are the origin OF animal
cules, and from the Sorde5 the animalcule de-
lives Its nutriment AT this crisis rise from
the chair or Sages to deliver brief quotation
from the writings OF Ehrenberg the AUTHORITY
.
Of animal life.
fera;" the latter division included the animals
known by the name OF wheel AnfmaIculesn
Ihe Poly gastr1ca, so called from the Supposition
that the typical form possessed a number of
S'omach', Included all the remaining species OF
''Infusoria."
Thousands of them might swim side by side
through the eye OF small needle. and IL would
r. quiIe hundred and eighty seven millions OF
tht m 10 weigh a single grain. | am correct I'm
aSse ting hat in at least seventy five per cent
OF human frontal stnuses antmalcu1eS exist.
Are not those statistics sufficiently alarming
TO arouse Catarrhal snut1ies from their leth-
argy?
Keep In memory that the anImalcules and
sordes mentioned In this instrument must be
eXtirpated before the cure of nasal disease can
be effected, and when this is accomplished the
catarrhouS sufferer Is well.
AT one Interview twO-thirds OF the cases that
come under my observation for professional
service leave my operating parlor Jocond, and
no more snuf1iing from the effects of catarrh
the worst OF which on record succumb by the
specification Of the 'EXtirpater' In from three
10 SIX visits. The writer is the only man
living holding this wondrously eficacious SEX
trpaJor."
The public are to decide which one of these
TWO they viii chooSe-an fnsalubriouS nose or
healthy one. The several stages OF nasal ca
tafrh and its cognateS are fully explained at my
reception room. Those de5irouS OF adopting
the ''EXtirpatOr' must previously be examined.
My method OF administering the 'Extirpator" is
based upon the soundest principles OF Scientific
experience
II is local application, for Nasal Catarrh is
purely local complaint although it Is treated
by the seif-consatuted gods OF the MaUerla Med
people thus ignorantly doctored the greater will
be the annual mortality from ulcerations or the
Schnie6erian membrane.
Mr. Editor, am nearing the end OF this ra-
diant path Of enlightened preservation, conSe-
quent1y solemnly declare that would rather
blessed by those whom have healed, and seek
entombment On the sunny Campo Santo of
LUcca, Or In the solemn shadow OF the expresses
OF the cemetery OF Livorno, than have your
readers think that this philosophical production
is written merely for the purpose of beguiling
II they have faithfully phllosophized the au,
thor'S etymology, trust that III any or them
are SO unfortunate as to be In the bondage Of
nasal catarrh, they viii say this document is
yOluminouS let us be guided whittier II oT1gt-
mated and be released by the certain "EXtir-
pator." graced with conquests and so naturally
connected with the VeIf1eS OF Darwfn5 phi
lOsophy on geology.
cannot better conclude this gigantic subject
than by noddfng my head fn grateful courtesy
to the ENJOYS who have so braYely accompanied
the inky steel through its tedious VOICE OF the
loreeoiHs 'ooaouiai1i n NaleqicIlon.