Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1880-12-17
The Ambidextrous Reporter.

The Kansas City Times says: There
is reporter at the Times Office who
writes with equal rapidity with either
hand. He is an ambidexter, and bold,
bad one at that. When there is rush of
work at the Office, and the devil is shout
ing ''coppee" like fend incarnate, this
useful reporter sits down at his deskin full
company front, and with pencil in each
hand, sings off local happenings by the
yard. He writes on two sheets at once,
and don't let his right hand know what his
left hand is driving at, but it's driving all
the same.
Recently he got little off his mental
base, and attempted to write up a dog
fight and wedding in high life at the
same time, He got things mixed. His
hands ran clear away with the gray mat-
ter in his skull, and things became terri
bly, confused. This is the way his items
telescoped each other:
At Grace Church, last night, the nup-
tials of Mr.. Thomas johnson and Miss
Jnlia Lawrence were celebrated in most
magnificent style; a costly floral horse
shoe being directly over the alter, and
when The yellow cur saw the flames of
anger darting from the eyes of the brin>
die fyste, he opened with the strains of
the wedding march. AS the handsome
couple walked down the aisle the excited
crowd began to get frantic, and there were
yells of '.Sick 'em Built 'At him now,
Towser," as the spectators became inter-
ested in the fight. The bride was elegant
ly attired in pure white garments of the
most costly fabric, AMI she wore the tradi-
tionsl white veil and wreath of orange
blossoms had him by the neck. and his
tongue began to loll ont and his eyes to
turn somersaults as if in the customary
blat K dress suit, white gloves, ears cropped
close to his head. He was q disreputable
looking dog in the beginning, and ought
to have been whipped for being so homely.
He is of good family, and is engaged in one
of the most extensive manufacturing esta-
blisements in the west. But the yellow
cur seemed to-be getting the advantage, as
he now succeeded in getting q death grip
on on the throat of the big brindle, and
when he tenderly kissed the bride accord
ing to the ancient custom, his back was
covered with mud and his Oft hind leg was
terribly used up. Among the costly pres
grand piano from the father of the bride,
hair had been scalded from his back, and
| one eyeseemed to have been struck with
| an augur. After short bridal tour the
happy couple will settle down to one Of the
| hardest-fought battles the reporter ever
witnessed, and it was difficult to tell which
dog had been punished worst. The fight
ended at exactly AS. after having been
bitterly contested at the residence Of the
brides parents, and he was taken to his
| owners home in wheelbarow. He will
probably never recover, and if he does
will be totally blind, besides being per-
manently lame in the left hind leg; the
beautiful bride leceived the csngrstula-
tions of host of friends. The groom is
one of our most promising young men,
and his owner breads the possibility of
losing him, as he fears that ne can never
replace him. The father of the bride is
one of our wealthiest merchants, and the
yellow fyste limped off, with q
knowing look at his eye and a saucy curl
in his tail, as much as to say, who else
wants to try me2'
The ambidexter was summarily fired"