Connecticut western news., 1880-02-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

"A cool burglary-breaking into snow bank.
 The women who do fancy work don't fancy work. -....
 1t is the amateur fisherman who sometimes hires haul.
 -" Who can touch pitch and not be defiledp" A musician.
 The Philadelphia Chronicle axes # woodchoppers are hackmen. When the dealers talk up oleomar. garine they're giving the public butter "taffy."
 Whom the gods would destroy they first fill full of confidence that 1t is not loaded. -,
 The straighter a man takes his whisky, the crookeder it seems to make him.
 It is said Edison is perfecting an electric shirtbosom pin for tho cheap 1 hotel clerk. The Whitehall Tunes truthfully says "A wise town IS known by the Are company it keeps"
 By @ singular fatality, the inquis- itive man always looks down the wrong end of the empty gun.
 The trouble with the midnight cat is not so much that it cannot sing as that it firmly believes it can.
 When the poor of city ask bread they are given paving stones, and made ko 1a~, &boy,o ;, tho Straata
 Edison says the newspapers make light of his latest invention more suc~ cessfully than he can do it himself.
 The best remedy for cold feet is to call at house where they keep big dog and don't feed him very high.
 The sight of bank cashier making his way towards the depot has started more than one run on Ch'cigo banks.
 Docs an umbrella express surprise when it has two underY You may have to wonder for some time what this means. No wife ought to desire better in- scription on her tombstone than this
 Her manners mild. her temper such,
 Her language good, and not too much.
 A subscriber to the Hsr1Ld's Irish
 relief fund excIaims "May a mouse never leave your cupboard with tear
 in his eye."
 A Sacramento paper speaks of Q
 Senator "with alf-jaunty air about
 him." Many of them do have sort of demi. johnny air about them. The only bad thing about burglar
 alarm is the fact that it gives the burglar
 a chance to run before you can open Q window and give him fatherly advice.
 What need is there to worry and fret, And va;nly try more trouble to borrow, When we know that after the sun has set !: To-day will be yesterday to-morrowf -[Hackensack Republican. A Whitehall man, the 7Tnaes says, has invented an umbrella which he pro.
 poses to cover with codfish skin. Gan
 any one doubt the utility of such an
 umbrella7
 There is probably nothing in this transitory world that yields larger and quicker returns on the amount invested than poking wasp with your finger to
 see if he feels we'll. ,...-. ... . If you are not the person who first suggested Sherman's march to the seas : please send denlal to the nearest newspaper office, so that the list can be made up as soon as possible. -" Haven't you somebody to recom- : mend for the Indian Commissioners ship ?" asked one man of another the other day in Schurz's office. No, ," said he. CT haven't an enemy in the world. " The Wheeling Sunday Leader re- minds us |" if coal and white paper keep
 on going up there are lot of editors in 7 this country who will have to eat boiled
 cabbage and get the heartburn in order
 to keep warm this winter" Are we raising Nihilists and assas- sins of kings in this countryp A bad
 boy in public school the other day, who was threatened with punishment, I called out to an entire circle of his com- . panions, "Oh, shoot the ruler l" Heis under surveillance. - '--
 A little girl in the infant class of c
 Sunday-school thoroughly appreciated
 the difference between being good from l choice and from necessity. At the close 3 of the school one day the teacher re- l marked, "Beckle, dear, you've been . | good little girl to-day. "Yes'm, l couldn't help being good; Igot tiff : neck," Beckie replied, with perfect se- l riousness.
 } A big six-footer was lifting for all 7 he was worth on a wagon wheel, which } was stuck, when little two.foot mite of h umanity, nearly as broad as he was long, and just out of long dresses and !; into pants, with his hands in his pock. cts and swaggering air, sang out ; Mister, do you want me to help youf
 can grunt while you lift"
 1t being agreed among a party of
 twelve that disputed question should be settled by the opinion of the major ity, the six ladies expressed themselves opposed to the six gentlemen, and claimed the victory. A gentleman ob- , jected to this, as the number of votes , was equal, saying, "They are half and half." "True." replied a. witty fair | 4vA ~uvx n~n AT n \. ..Ak.~ L~1--..