The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-03-14
CURRENT HUMOR.

Great SCOTS; It's no wonder Russia never
sent rifle team to compete In the Creedmoor
| matches.
The decline Of the drama is probably owing
to the fact that the public never sees but
about onetenth OF a play; the rest Is bonnet.
''setting" In q chair, and then got such an
education that she talked about the beautiful
''sunsit."
The Express declares that SO far as the
young men OF Rochester are concerned, the
game OF sweet sixteen Is rather more popular
than that Of fifteen.
A young lady In Brooklyn Is working q
motto mo Ice Cream" She says, You know
It is leap year, and the Ice crop Is a failure,
and the boys may as well know 1t first as
last"
Kate Field proposes to organize co-opera
tive millinery. establishment In New York
with a capital OF S250O00. Ten OF the forth
coming new spring bonnets will represent the
entire capital.
One dollar per quart for strawberries ID not
half as bad rs 1t looks at first sight You get
a box worth at least three cents, and bank
ers and capitalists nod to you for q month
afterwards.
DR.. Charles Smart, OF the army, Is looking
scientifically into the we'll and cistern water
or New Orleans, to ascertain what the people
OF that city drink. We fear the doctor is on
the wrong SCENT Boston Post.
takers will be paid four dollars per
day. This is poor compensation for being
called a "tiar, q blackguard and q villain" by
every other woman In the block, when her age
Is guessed at.-[Syracuse Herald.
A French physician has published q PAM
phlet, showing the terrible effects OF smok-
Ing on the heart" or course II q man will
take out his heart and smoke on 1t. he is
aid.
It Is proposed that the immortal eight who
declared Hayes elected President shall sup
plement that proceeding by getting together
and declaring the Is, Is, IA puzzle settled.
Then the first declaration won't be 50 loan-
some.
tits believed that the New York World has
telegraphed Lieut.. Gorringe to find a Fifteen
puzzle" under the base of that obelisk.- Bos-
ton Post. Very possibly Cleopatra may have
left one Of her gems lying about under her
needless Philadelphia Bulletin.
Leadville is rapidly becoming civilized.
Six months ago poor man who never kept
his agreements went there, and they roughly
called him low-lived liar. Now. they use
the more gentlemanly description Of "a good
fellow, but forgetful" He struck a rich mine
about four months ago.
A fellow interrupted Leadville man while
he was reading Bible, and got thrown over
q thousand. foot precipice. It doesn't do to
fool with Leadville man when he Is reading
the good book, because he has been informed
1t would tell him all about Pharaoh, and he
wants to get the bulge on q faro bank that
night.
Los Angeles announces the death Of one OF
Its citizens at the age 100 years. That's the
way we like to see the thing done. Why say
104 or 100, as so many Of the Eastern papers
do? It Is just as essy to say 1870, and 1t
sounds more tropical. Our sun-bathed re-
gions should be able to outlie the frozen East.
ALTA California.
A lecturer on optics, In explaining the me-
chanism OF the organ Of vision, remarked !:
'Let any maA gaze closely into his wife's eye
and he will Zee himself looking 60 exceed
ingly small hat. Here the lecturers
voice was drowned by the shouts Of laughter
and applause which greeted his scientific re-
mark.
When Connecticut snans wife claims to
be too sick to 20 out and split the wood, he
stands 1t about three days and then tells her
that the stores have got their spring bonnets
on show. and when she gets back, all out OF
breath from fruitless search, he says II
bonnets she's able to split that wood. Women
are too much theereatures Of impulse.
There is an amicable way OF arranging all
domestic disputes II one Is only willing to
take little trouble. Two hot tempers are
not likely to make things smooth. especially
when 1t Is the fashion to be extremely polite
to strangers, even when they are offensive,
try to be agreeable. Glow do you get on with
your wife nowadays ?" was the question
asked on one Of the boulevards. s'Splendidly,"
was the reply; I'VE have just discovered
what is 1t ?" was the next question, why,
you see, was the reply, my wife and are
never at home at the same time. When she
comes In go out, and when / come In she
goes out. The plan works admirably, and we
are both very happy"