The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-01-23
ConiCALITlRs.

hours.
A sxAsoxABLz hih-A skate or .
founder.
A rzx.czHr ante Ii better than no
relation at ell.
1877. Dear mel give me another
sheet Of paper.
Dos'r be too generous with your
temper. Keep II.
MANY men become broad-shouldered
from carrying trouble.
A HOUSE without newspapers ID like
house without windowA
TIE advanced thinker Acknowledges
woman's rights and lefts.
WnxN Q man falls down his temper
generally gets up before he does.
The moon Il not infinite, but . hns-
night thing.-Philadslphia Pres.
BONE doctors are very diaagreeable
creatures, being always out Of patientA.
VARIETY Ii the spice Of life, but haf.
keepers report that the majority OF men
use cloves.
IT Ia said that child born on Christina
will always hate turkey and goose, and
lean toward Goldfish and bacon.
The noisy nickel makes moro fun
than ten-dollaR note In contribution.
box, but IL does not do 70 much good In
the line Of charity.
az THINK the turkey has the advan-
tage Of you" said the landlady to the
inexpert bosrder who was carving.
"Guess Il has, mum-in age"
THE Hackensack Republican says there
IL Q good opening for baker at Tenafy,
N. J. Some rising, well-bred young
man should roll into the position.
THE small boy never wishes he was
twins except when two different Sunday
school Christmas trees are being held
the same evening.-Mdrathan kndepe~-
dent.
A TELEGRAM from Atlanta, Ga, says
that "persons walking on the street." In
that city on Christmas eve, "penpired
freely" Probably 1t was sweat
weather.
TIE whitehall Times says . man
without dollar In his pocket Ii about
a attractive a. rat.trap without any
cheese. A good many men then are rat
traps without cheese.
Upon my wordi Guard: snow, mi1,
jump In, train Is going on Child:
+" But I can't 20 before have kissed my
mamma" Guard: "Junp In, miss,
I'll see to that."-Judy.
A Man who really wants TO stay In Q
room, and couldn't be driven ont Of II
by cross dog, will immediately set to
work frantically to get out, II you
merely lock the door on him.
LADY: "How much II this . yardr'
Clerk: "Fourteen and sixpence. II In
an elegant material-double; 1t can DO
worn both sides. II you tear ore side,
you've only to turn Il on the other"
A LITTLE boy said that he didn't want
the soft part Of the biscuit. "Some
little boys" observed the mother,
I" would be thankful TO get It." "Then
why don't you give II TO themr answered
the S.year old hopeful.
OMAN" says Victor Hugo, twas the
conundrum OF the eighteenth century;
women Ia the conundrum Of the nine.
teenth century" An American editor
adds: 1--WE can't guess her, but viii
never give her up-no neverp
WHEN . Missouri grocer got up In 9
revival meeting and owned up that he
had sold 81 tea out OF the 30 cent tea
chest for over ten years, the brethren
were very backward about telling him
that he could hope for forgiveness.
A COW will Craze upon land worth
81, 900 per acre, her face An emblem Of
humility; but calf will glow all over
with Inconsistencies II he have on %
much o. o new coat or hat, and that the
property OF his tailor.-Boston TTdn-
script.
"CARL MARIA Won WEBEn," said an
opera.goer the other night. ~ suppose
he wss christened after bis mother.
What Q curious thingr "Not at al"
replied Q friend; t" surely he could not
have been christened before his mother"
Funny Folks.
"I CAN'T trust you" said runselleT
to an impoverished customer. "You
should let liquor alone; II you hadn't
drank so:much Of It you might now. b
riding In your carriage" "And II you
hadn't sold It." retortsd the victim,
"you'd have been my driver"
A LITTLE OIL City girl observed her
mother measuring cloth by holding II up
TO her nose with one hand and reaching
out TO arms length with the other. She
assumed q. thoughtful aspect and, after
cogitating few moments, asked, How
can you measure cloth that wayf Can
you smell q yardf"
IsAy, old fel, you haven't got five.
franc piece about you that you don't
know what to do with, have your
"There's one"
"Thanks-but, hello, I say, you know,
It's badl"
"You asked me for one I didn't know
what TO do wlthp-Figaro.
NOW, Johnny, you've had . merry
Christmas, and you must be good till
next Christmas to pay for It." ooh,
yes, Of course, DO good; ! don't blleye
you can hire me to be good for . whole
year tor o tin horse and story.book
Just like what Billy Jones was going to
trade mo for three marbles. Not much"
-Ns,o Haven Register.
A WRITER In the Troy Times informs
us that soap 10 mentioned In the Bible.
This ID important information. For .
long time the world has been lsboring
under the false impression that the frst
mention OF soap was when the poet
wrote the lire: He who enters here
leaves soap behind."-Csneinnaa En-.
qusrer.
An aspirant TO dramatic honors 70
Gently left o Ms. with Q manager.
Soon Afterwards Il was returned to him
rejected. "What ! am particularly
savage about" he said TO . friend, "is
that they have read only the frst act"
" How do you know thatr Because
the other three are not yet written.
have had too many pieces rejected not
TO spare myself unnecessary trouble"
EYES" he said, % he mixed his gin
and sugar, "ife 10 Q oonundrum. In
youth We believe In much that 10 false,
and In old age We doubt much that 10
true Al golden medium, young man,
you may charge that drink TO me. Ny
name IL August -" he didn't finish
Il. The clerk pepslvely pitched an leo
pick st the SPOT where he had stood, but
and scooted.
Nor long ago an Irishman applied to
an overseer In Tyne shipyard 70 DO put
on TO Q Job. He was informed that he
could not comply with his request; but
% Pat continued to gaze earnestly o. IN
anchor which was lying In the vicinity,
the foreman repeated his reply that
there was no work for him, and advised
him 70 10 away. "Devn Q bit viii ]
storr, sofr," replied Pat, "till zee the
man that's going 10 use that pickl"
Cards and Life.