Smyrna times., 1880-05-05
WHOLE NO. 1906.
Current Opinion,
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

All the girls like Bcau-cGsh-co
- There is another boom in the shoe trade-the hon.
( >eolch season has opened.
The thoughtful ruGalist now sows his lawn while his
/ industrious wife scyys her lawn
me early bird catches nothing but worm: the
| Ialc bEd gets the breakfast crumbs
,i ne modern maid in general thumps the piano
""i'e iIer mother thumps the carpets.
inns being leap year Tom Boyd will jump from the
suspension bridge at Nashville on May 20
The Shad season always interfcres with the meat
50. 49, ~ "' '@''No
Philadelphia is full Of grasshoppers but in this case
e SIaA>AOppers are suburban residents after grass
zen Tear ", ar clothing as necessity; an art
arts. '-''''' l. Inc AT p'eser'"'l'e Oh
, some people pat stockings on their hens to keep
| them f ." ~ 'OO
Nephew Pelton would like to inform his uncle that
presidential nomination is to be made this year but
! ne hates tO disturb AiIa.
Carl Schurz has not defined his position" in the
Coh.Hg campaign yet, but it is just possible that
'looou! mas asked MN to.
This years crop Of Indian wars does not look very
promising as yet but il j, rather early in the season
! IoI IeIIab!e representations.
me TACT that III The modern duel in general the
DuAets are made Of bread Instead of lead is another
I
! \ tramp says there can be nothing wrong about
stealing Hde on freight train Tor though he gets
"la' Ac steals he docs not rob anybody else Of ride
A Pmiadclpha bachelor says the only way to
U'old maliuluhg Is 10 steel your heart against the
ienae cnarlner before She mas a chance to steal it
/ herself. -
When Mcdonald, the sculptor. heard thar Mrs
custer haI caned his statue Of the general at West
I'M taI.Ciluie nc might have Custer but he never
/ USES such language.
! I}aruun nay, 24yol Nv, ,.,,,..- =. III -..
herself 10 be uschuIgeu IrJiI "a CarGll in his SHOW
S-J' udy. FUNERALS are CX;ItsIIc now that slch
! performers demand very hg.i Wages.
\ BIoUElyn man hus been held for trial becaTse he
SilOl at hcSAbur cat and missed IT, Missing the
cat ";N bAd enough but AIs lault was aggravated by
'4S I~CI it tile Dt.Ict aplc"c1 10 hit young lady.
Anewspapcr writer, VINO died in a hospital at Gin
cuuuu ipoeutiy wIIled lis BODY 10 a doctor TUr the
beAeh ol sclenLc ana 10y this kIuuy ana thoughtful
"c'oA saved tAe ONO sAouIs vast amount OF trouble
/ IAe Boston Post ruaeiy says: A man who can
a!ce,ssiu!I! uiNt u pig Is competent TO manage
pIIMa GONNA. Just as il the only way to make
pII"la donna 60 light was 10 pun her trail III the
opposite direction.
The wise housewife has her ice left on the curb
Instead oi asking tne ccau 10 carry it to the reirig
uthe Jumps by the distance has lU carry them the
!chSer the distance the smaller the Jumps.
The Young poet who began his lucubrat;on with
ASK tie stars if love her had evidently been oc-
adore' one, aud had reason believe that his looks
ANA actions hao been observed from the stage.
\ Worcester lawyer got his pretty LADY clientele
weep IN the presence OF the jury and thought he had
dead sure thing, but the counsel on the other side
told the court that the state bound 10 furnish
lh0Sc twelve gentlemen all the LIQUOR they could
drink ana won his ca.e.- BOstOH Post.
Ifsome would successfully start the report that
ice cream spoiled the complexion and made women
boW-egged it wDult be thousands OF dollars in the
pockets Of our poor but love-stricien young men,
iH"dd@l ma CtrOatc'e HIQti.
Mr.. Hayes uses wooden toothpickg-Er The i'm !
portance OF this item can only be compreheutted by
reading between the lines. Il shows that the Pres
ueHt Is not foolish enough to invest in gold tooth
NcE when he Will be sure leave the table; not
rec hle>s enough 10 use pin and too well bread to use
4 FORK.
Few papers agree with Mr. Beecher his belief that
1t i crime To drown kitten but the gentleman is
right nevertheless Kittens interesting and limo.
cent little creatures, which no should wish 10
1t l. worthy OF remark that Mr. Beecher saws nothing
against the Usual methods Of getting them out of the
world. His residence has back fence too
Aphiladelphia youth who committed suicide twenty
years ago because lovely being gave him the mitien
mas been heard from through an uptown medium
lie says that when he gazes through the misty veil
which divides life and DEATH and sees his old fame
now with her fourteen children lying around loose
whlle she cleans house. he gets mad enough at his
folly 10 commit suicide again. and his punish
ment IS i'll the reflection that he can't.
] Oh, the skirt the beautiful skirt.
Jer6ed thrO' the sluSh and dragged thro the dirt
, Once you white
As the mantle of snow
As the leaves of the lily
I When spring ZephyrS blow:
| still to the touch and fair to the eye
Drawing the gaze of each male passer by;
Now tattered and spattered-
oh, piteOuS wrong!
Beautiful skirt-you can't stand it long.
1 -44HdrcirS Bd-0F.