The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-01-24
VARIETIES.

"A vessel carried to London lately |
lo,0OO cases of canned salmon.
"A mince pie at bed time is the
shortest way to the menagerie.
Man expects everybody to be true
to him but himself. - Whitehall Meas.
Over one thousand cheese factories
are operated in the State of New York.
There is tea plantation in George
town, 5. c., which is paying its owner
a profit.
Please remember that the figures
1879 at the head of letter don't stand
for 1880.
The Boston transcript has found
out that match is light-headed when
1t comes to the scratch.
An ounce of your-mouth-s is
better than a pound of explanation aft
er you have said it.-Free Press.
An Irishman says he can see no
earthly reason why women should not
be allowed to become medical men.
The editor of the Atchison Ohanpaon
has black eye. He explains it by say
ing: GO A fellow came in and settled to-
day"
The great problem with rats and
mice is how to get rid of human beings
and have cheese making go ahead all
the same.
-"Pills are called 'pigulki przeee-
zyszczajace in Poland" SAYS the Syra-
cuse Herald. Thai is very hard to
swallow.
Many writer of note languishes
in prison. Put another mans name
on the note, you see.-Marathom I,sde-
pendent.
"A sip of Punch: Customer-"I-
aw-want my moustache dyed" Ar
tist-' Yessir-certainly, sir-brought
'em with you, sirP"
Between 400 and 500 Indians have
taken the pledge. They got the idea
that the pledge was something about
whisky, and that was enough.
The young lady who was blamed
for allowing her glove to be discovered
IN a young mans pocket, stated that
she had no hand in it.-Boston Post.
The candle says: "I'll be bowed
if | go out. "-NeaO Orleans Picayatne.
And the fire on the hearth says: "rn
60 out if I'm not bowed. "-BoSton i'd
UertiSer.
The Saturday RevieaU believes that
certain animals are pious at certain
times, and are then ready to forgive
and forget. Always meet the tiger
when he has his pious fit on.
Some American almanacs are
printed in eight different languages,
and yet the average housewife never
grabs anything else when she wants to
lift stove-cover.-Free Press.
Its only after young man has
courted a girl long enough to be per-
mitted to hug her with impunity that
he begins to appreciate the freedom of
the press.-PhiIGdeIpbia Chronicle.
The second highest bridge in the
country is about being built across the
Mississippi at Minneapolis. 1t will be
1,150 feet long, with two spans of 1926
feet each, the whole to cost $3,000,000.
Seventeen lawyers are engaged in
suit over the will of an Indianian, who
boosted, shortly before his death, that
he had got his affairs into such shape
that when he died the lawyers couldn't
make penny out of his estate.
Dress goods are one-half cheaper
than in 1873, and yet it costs husband
just as much to dress his wife. 1t is a
very innocent female who can't make
six yards of trimming cost more than
sixteen yards of dress goods.-Free
Press.
"A negro boy in Memphis, when
asking for ration, the other day, told
the following story: "rse got brud-
der, and he's got free ribs broke an de
spine and his leg, and less he gifts
something to eat he's bound to die"
He got it.
Land steward to tenant farmer
"Well, Giles, what are you going to
SOW in hersP" Farmer" Amt 'zact-
ly made up my mind, sir; but if we
could put in a few stewards and land
agents-they seem to thrive best on the
land nowadays!'
"A lady from the country went into a
store on Pearl street the other day and
inquired of one of the clerks if they had
any of that new shade" gol darned
blue'--the folks talk so much about.
1t is presumed she wanted gendarme."
Albany Journal.
The United States is making more
than one-third of all the paper in the
world. The product is about 1880 tons
daily. or 610,500 tons year. There
are 927 mills, representing capital of
800, 100000, employing %, 900 persons,
who receive in salaries about SO, 800, 900.
eff you marry Grace" exclaimed
an irate father to his son, 81 will cut
you off without cent, and you won't
have so much as piece of pork to boil
in the pot" "Well," replied the
Young man, "Grace before meat"
And he Immediately went in search of
minister. - Cincinnati Saturday Night.
The senior Greek professor. in his
lecture to the juniors the other day,
speaking of the marriage of Venus and
Vulcan, remarked "that the handsom-
est women generally marry the home
Hest men," adding, grimly, there's
encouragement for a good many of
you. "-AnsberSt Student.
"A little boy starved to death, at
Pittsburg, in consequence of throat
disease that prevented his swallowing
anything. He lived four weeks without
n = l. L.. II. Ea.