Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1880-01-29
COMICALITIES.

trombone.
CONGRESSMAN CANNON, of Utah, is the
husband of six wives and the father of
twenty-seven small boys, each one of
whom is a son of gun.-Keok-ik Gate
city.
VISITOR in ST Petersburg" What ia
the name of this river?" Guide--"The
Neva" Visitor" What, Neva?" Guide
-" Well "-(Here the wires broke
down.
THE worst case of "stage fright" is
that of the man who thinks that he has
passed up two dollar and half gold
piece instead of dime to the driver
Boston Commercial Baiteiin.
THE average housewife will take more
pains to take sickly fifteen-cent plant
through four months of winter than she
will to keep butter on the ice during
three months of solid hot weather.
A REVEREND gentleman in Burlington,
n. j., advertises for sale in local paper
number of full blooded male fowls at
81 each, guaranteeing them to be fine
layers.
A GIRL who can shed three tears ut the
critical moment and follow them up with
a quivering sigh can marry all around a
blonde who does nothing but try to
| blush.
IT was very small boy, and his birth
day came on a recent Sunday. sis it
wicked to be born on Sunday" asked
he of his mother emo; but it keeps
your father home from church"
CONDUCTOR Ito Brown, who Is pretty
nearly pumped out with running to catch
his express bus)-" All right, sir; all
right. Don't furry yourself, you're a
gaining. Fun.
SMALL girl: "When l die l shall be
singing with the angels land after
thoughtful pause) "but | don't think 1
shall sing much, for | don't know any
thing but a song or two in Pinafore. ~
"PA," said q little boy, "a horse is
worth great deal more, isn't it alter its
broke?" eyes, my son. Why do you
ask such question ?" because l
broke the new rocking-horse you gave
me this morning"
PROFESSORS: "Can you multiply con-
crete numbers together?" The class all
uncertain. Professor: "What will be
the product of five apples multiplied by
six potatoes ?" Pupil (triumphantly);
clash"
THE Rev. 10 Cook says that it is safe
enough to marry on four weeks court
ship. That's so. You can't tell 'em
anyhow until after marrying, and there's
no use wasting time. Detroit Free
Press
"JoHN," said a doting parent to her
gormandizing son, ''do you really think
that you can eat the whole Of that pud-
ding with impunity?" 81 don't know,
mar, replied the young hopeful, "but
] can with n spoon.
"Why should the spirit of mortal be
sad ?" is an unanswered problem, but
the man who has to get up III the morn
ing, build the fire, and bake thirty-two
7x9 buckwheat pancakes for an invalid
wife, thinks he might offer a suggestion.
--Tiogo comfy Record,
THE ENGLISH CALENDAR.
Dirty days hath September
April, June and November.
From February until May
The rain it raineth every day.
And all the rest have thrty-one
without one blessed CLEAN of sun.
And if any of them had two and thirty
They'd he just as wet and twice dirty.
WE once knew twins who SO much re
sembled each other that one of them
starved himself to death. thinking each
day it was himself who had eaten three
hearty meals, when, in fact, the eater
was the brother. The surviving twin
doesn't know to this day whether it was
his brother or himself who died and was
buried. Boston transcript.
ONE of the lady teachers in a Reno
public school, the other day, was labor
ing with an urchin on the science of sim
pie division. This is what came of it:
"Now, Johnny, if you had an orange
which you wished to divide with your lit
tie sister, how much would you give
her?" Johnny: "a suck. Reno Ga
Sette.
A VERY tedious old actor, whose Ham
let occupied four hours, was once play
ing the part in a country town, and with
plenty of emphasis and no discretion was
"lading out" the celebrated solloquy.
"To-be-or-not- when an
irreverent gallery boy called out to him,
"Oh, toss up for it, Mister, and don't
preach.
An old Michagander has worn a string
of red beans around his neck for twenty
three years, and during all that time he
his never taken cold They would prob
ably have the same effect if worn around
a table leg.-Frce Press. OF course it
would. But that old 'gander has had his
neck twisted up so long that his head ~
turned -Phitadciphia Bulletin.
Mr. SMITH was running to catch
night train at Galletin Me. Waterman
SNYDER n,istook him for q 6eaiup bur-