Louisiana capitolian., 1880-01-03

1t was Carlyle who said: Make your
self All honest man, and then you may be
sure there is one less rascal in the world.
A Connecticut man recently said,
'Lend me dollar, my wife has left me
and want to advertise that / am not
responsible for her debts"
Write your name by kindness, love and
mercy in the hearts of thousands you
come in contact with year by year, and
you will never be forgotten.
"Jane," said he, II think if You lifted
your feet away from the fire we might
have some heat in the room" And they
hadn't been married two years either.
Miss l.: "The young man you
inquire about is all right. He has been
subscriber for our great moral family
journal for nearly year. Trust him."
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Prof. Proctor says the earth is 500, ,OOO,-
600 years old. And we believe him.
Almost every day we come across joke
that is every whit as venerable as that.
An Indiana Universalist preacher Oh
served that he was endeavoring to keep
hell out of the people, while his good
Methodist brother was endeayoring to
keep the people out of hell.
Bees have begun to killoff their drones
for the winter. If the human species
could thin out their ranks IN this way
every fall fewer candidates for the Leg
islature would show up in the spring.
1t is so in politics, business and every
where else in life. The man whom you
boost up the tree not only forgets to toss
yon down some of the fruit, but is as
likely as not to pelt you with the chaw-
ings.
Compared to woman, how insignifi-
cant is man, especially in the matter of
baggage. As a rule, you can stand his
trunk up on the top of hers and still
have room enough there for game of
parlor croquet.
O The rumor is out that General Grant
is using the silk copy of the Hawkeye
presented him for handkerchief
Quincy Modern Times. This is q sad
blow for tho edtor-Burdctte. Who
nose if it's truei
"Whats famep yelled an excited Or
ator. "What's fame' that ghost of am
bitiOn! What's hOnOrW And q weak
minded man in the crowd said he sup
posed she had clothes on her, as any fool
ought to know.
A yankee woman recently married a
Chinese landryman and in three days
thereafter the unhappy Celestial appear
cd at a barber shop and ordered his pig
tail to be cut off, saying in explanation:
"Too muchee yank."
When dog snaps at q fly that has
been fooling around him for four or five
hours and misses it, he feels just like a
girl who pours the full tide of her atfcc-
ton over young man and suddenly
discovers that it won't soak in!
DOst know some pastoral vale,
Some fragrant, howery dale, y
Some quiet, lonely spot,
Some sweet, secluded cot,
O'er which the vines do creep,
Where they'll board fellow cheap!
The NOrrist0wn Herald tells good
story about ruralite who purchased an
alarm clock one day last week, and re-
turned it the next afternoon. He said
that it made such an Internal racket in
the morning that he couldn't sleep.
A rich Scotchman at the point of death
said tod,is pastor: "DO you think that
if ! left ten thousand pounds to the Pres
byterian church my soul w'd be savedp'
wcan'tpromise you anything, answered
the good man, after the second thought,
"but it is worth trying"
A ksisband, finding piece broken out
of his plate and another out of his saul
Ger, petulantly exclaimed to his wife:
"My dear, it seems to me that everything
belonging to you is broken" "Wcll,
yes" responded the wife; "evcn you
seem to be q little cracked"
A peasant halts before the show case
of photographer and gazes upon u "
production of Rauchs famous group of
"the Three graces." ooh, those women
those women," sighs the honest man;
'they were too poor to buy a stitch of
clothing, but they could find the money
to get their pictures taken "
'Well, madame" said John Newton
to one who was complaining of the i'm
perfections of others, eff there was a
perfect church on earth it would cease
being so the moment you and l entered
it," And the remark still has q peril
nent application for those who, we fear,
won't apply it.
Irish wit is certainly inimitable. 1t is
like q flash of brilliancy which lights up
the surrounding gloom and leayesa plea
SAINT remembrance of itself behind. A
son of the Green Isle stood on the high
way looking OH comrade who was ly-