The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-06-16
The Fiand and His Lawn Mower,
"Whirr-r-r-r-rr "
Blast him !
GND nnN

"
Blast him
"R-z-z-Z-Zm
Blast him again!
"Rr-rr-rr-rr-rrm
Turn over in bed and VOW that you
will shoot his hens, poison his dog, and
leave fishbones where his cat will find
them and choke to death.
Whop
Why, the triple-plated, bomb-proof,
| iron-coated, hard-hearted next-door
man, who went to bed at sundown for
no other purpose than to get up at 5
O'Clock A. N. and gallop bis old lawn
mower around.
"Rattle! Whirr! Bang! R-r-r-rw
Oh! he's there! He simply stopped
for O moment to spit on his hands and
get ready for new twist. Just five by
the bells, and some fool of doctor has
told him that the morning air is good
for him! He knows that he is disturb
ing every man. woman and child within
a block of him, but what does he care?
"Clickety-te- -clickety-click- click"
There he goes! He's got his coat ott,
his pants in his boot legs, and he's
thinking how nice it must be to live in
the country and canter around over the
dew-wet sward. Country be hanged
Lawn mowers and next-door neighbors
be hanged! The man who sold him
that lawn mower warranted it to be
noiseless. Just remember that when you
get to shooting! Noiseiess, Oh, yes! 49,
M-m-m-m! Bur-r-r-r-r! Z-z-ze"
The baby wakes up with howl.
WHY shouldn't he? Can baby stand
more than a horse? Everybody. wakes
up. If you think people can sleep on
and dream of the gates of heaven while
man is pounding sheet-iron with a
hammer you have lived in vain.
"G-u-r-r-"
Good. His old machine has struck 3
stone. Hope the contact has wrenched
off every wheei, twisted every spring
out of place, and fung the william head
over heels against the fence! Nobody
but william would have lawn to NOW
in the first pace, and nobody but q
muttonhead would 60 sloshing around
on an empty stomach in this malarious
climate. His heath! What is his
health compared to the peace OF his
neighborsP Who cares whether he gets
fat and lives on, or grows lean and dies.
He ought" =,
"Clickety-te-click- -click-c lick-click!
| There be goes, the old machine max
ing more noise tLan ever! Hit him
with brick. No, don't do it. Such a
man as that couldn't appreciate decent
clip on the ear with missile made by
human hands. Draw a bead on him
with a shotgunp Never! Keep your
ammunition for owls. Owls have sense
enough to stick by the roost until seven
o'clock. Argue with himp Not much
You couldn't convince such a man that
he ought to be run over by drove
of Texas steers any more than you could
make Turk believe that he ought to
pay one hundred cents on the dollar.
"Gur-g-g-g! z-z-z-z! Bang! Rattle
r-r-r-rip."
Let him alone! There is Providence,
and that Providence sometimes gives a
william rope to play with, just to sec
him squirm when he is brought up with
a sharp turn. That mower may explode
If not, the morning air will bring on
sore throat, toothache, neuralgia and
chills. May he have them all jump IN
on him at once, and stand by him like
an Indians memory, and may every
neighbor whom he has disturbed by his
villianous noise grow fat and sleek and
rich, and live to beat him for the only
Office be ever cared for.-DetToI Free
| Press.