The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1880-02-17
A NEW SYSTEM OF ENGLISH GRAMMAR,
John PhanlTI Not Liking tho AdIectiyes IN tho
English Language, Gives ths Outlines Of
New aud Novel System Of His
Own, as an Improvement

have but three degrees ofcompsHson- very
insufficient mug ~ certainly, whom we CON
sidor that they aro to be applied to u thous
and Objects which, though Of tho same gon,
oral class or quality, diler from each
other by thousand different fhadei
or degrees of tho same peculiarly, Thus
though there aTo three hundred and sixty
live days In year, all Of which must, from
the nature Of things differ from each Other
In the nature Of lhlgsi differ from each other
In tho matter Of climate, We have but hall
dozen expressions 10 convey 10 ono another
our idcas Of this inequality, We fay
ct Is llne day. 1T Is q
very ilne day. ut Il tho llnost day
we have ever soon,' or ut h nm unpleasant
dayi' very unpleasant dny' tho most un-
pleasant day VIZ ever saw But II Is plain
that none Of these expressions give M eXNct
idea Of the MIXTURE Of lhl dny and the two
superlnliyo expressions are generally untrue,
1 once heard Il gentleman rumArl on rainy,
snowy, windy aud I'm the ordinary English
language indotcrlbabo day that II WIS
"most preposlcrous weather. He came
nearer 10 giving correct idea
Of II, than no could have done
by any ordinary mode Of expression, but bis
description was not sufficiently definite
Again, We say Of a Indy "sho Is beautiful
"she Il very beautiful or she Is perfectly
beauulal;n descriptions which, to one who
never saw her, nre no descriptions NJ all, for
among thousands Of women hG hns seen, prob
ably no two uro equally beautiful, aud AS 10
nperfectly beautiful woman he knows that no
such being was ever Crenlrd unless
by q. Z. h. james for one of the two
horsemcn TO fall in love with and marry NJ
the end Of the second volume.
II meet Smith ON the street and ask him
MS am pretty sure 10 do--"hOw he does "
he nlalliby replies, "tolcmbe, thank you,'
which gives me no exact idea
of Smiths hoalth-for he has made the same
reply to me on hundred different occasions
of which there must have been some slight
shade Of difference in his physical economy,
and of course corresponding change IN his
feelings.
To u man of mathematical turn Of mind;
TO n student and lover Of the exact sciences,
these inaccuracies of expression-this inabil-
ity TO understand exactly how things
are-must be constant source
of annoyance; and 10 one who
like myself, untes this turn Of mind 10 IN
ardent love of truth for It's own sake, the
reflection that the English language does not
enable us TO speak the truth with eXactness
is painful For this reason | have with
some trouble, made myself thoroughly nc
quainted with every ancient and modern
language, in the hope that might find some
one of them that would enable me to OK
press precisely my ideas; but the
same nsudlciency of adjectives
exist in all except that OF the Flat-head In
dians of Puget sound, which consists of
but iorty-six words, mostly nouns, but to the
constant use Of which exists the objection
that nobody but the tribe can understand it.
And MS their literature and scientific ad-
vancement is not such as to make a residence
among them, for n man Of my disposition,
desirable, | have abandoned the use of
their language, in the belief that for me it is
hyas cutus, or as the Spanish hath it, "no m
vale NADIA"
Desparing therefore of making new dis
covercs in foreign languages, have set my
self seriously to work to reform our own; and
have, / think, made an important discovery,
which, when developed into system and
universally adopted, will give precision of
expression and consequent charms Of idea,
that will leave little to be desired, and will, |
modestly hope, immortalize my humble
name rs the promulgator Of the truth, and
the beneiuclor of the human race.
Before entering upon my system | will
give an account of the discovery, (Which,
perhaps, might with more modesty term an
adaptation aud enlargement of the idea Of
anoiher,) which will surprise you by its sim
pcity, and like the method of standing eggs
on end OF Columbus, the inventions Of print
ing, gunpowder, and the mariners compass
prove another exempliicaton of the truth of
Hannah Moore's beautifully expressed sent-
ment:
"Large streams from little fountains fow
Large aches from little tOe-cOrnS grow"
During the past week by attention was at
tracted by n large placard embcllishing the
corners Of our streets, headed in mighty capt.
tails with the word "Phrenology," and
illustrated by u map of II mans head closely
shaven and laid off in lots duly numbered,
from one to forty-seven. Beneath this edify-
ing illustration appeared a legand informing
the inhabitants Of San Diego and 'icinity
that Professor Dodge had arrived and taken
rooms (Which was Inaccurate as he had butone
room) at the Gyascutus house, where
he would be happy to examine and furnish
them with a chart of their heads showing
the moral and intellectual endowments, at the
low price of three dollars each.
Always gratified with an opportunity of
spending my money and making scientific
researches, Immediately had my hair cut
and carefully combed, and fastened to pre-
sent myself and my head to the Professors
notice. found him a tall and thin Profess |
sor, in u suit of rusty, not to
say seedy black, with a closely-buttoned
vest, and no percsptible shirt-collar or wrist
bands. His nose was red, his spectacles were
blue, and he wore a brown wig beneath
which l subsequently ascertained, his bald
head was laid of in lots, marked and mum
bered with India ink, after the manner of the
diagrams upon his advertisement. Upon Il
small table lay many little books with yellow
covers, several of the placards, pen and ink,
pair of iron callipers with brass knobs,
and So in silver. Having ex-
planned the object of my visit,
and increased the pile of silver by six half |
liars from my pocket Rhereat he smiled, |
WI | observed he wore false teeth scientific |
laea avrtvs do they love to encourage art), |
the professor placed me in chair, and rap |
idly manipulated my head, after the manner
of a sham-pooh, Il am not certain as to the
photography Of this expression, said that
my temperament was "lymphatic, nervous
bilious" | remarked that thought myself
dyspeptic" but ne Ir9e no reply. Then, |