The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-07-09
COMICALITIES.

Su.uASh" hh'Js
The prison laborer never strikes for
higher wages, and consequently there is
never need of lockout.
A SALEM youth calls his lady love
"oleomargarine, because he hasn't any
other but her.-Satem Sunbeam.
IT was the man caught by prairie
fire on his own section of land who ran
through his property rapidly.-Cincin-
natl Saturday Night.
TELL me ye winds that round my pathway roar,
Do you not know some spot on earth where dustin ny
no more?
The loud winds dwindled to a whisper low,
And sighed for pity as they answered, ave dust not
know"
THERE is a gentleman i'll this city who
almost wholly lives on strawberries in
their season. The rest of the year he
lives on his mother-in-law.-RO
Democrat.
Down in Lewiston n crowd went to
biting and pulling hair over the ques-
ton: "Why didn't the lions eat Daniel?"
1t doesn't seem to be safe to let some
folks read the bible.
"WERE there cats in the ark?" is q
question that is troubling the religious
editor of an exchange. Certainly there
We're, and the first they said after leav-
ing that ancient craft was, If there's
Ararnt round here we want to gopher it. "
RECORDER, to witness with bandaged
head-Did he have any provocation
when he struck you? Witness-He may
have had something Of the kind con-
cayled on his person, but it was brick
he struck me wild.
THE st. Paul Globe Democrat saws:
"It will be seen that the rapprochement
between the beau monde of this country
and the elite of Europe amounts to an
entente cordiale." Would 81 per week
induce the writer of that to come this
way ?-DctrOH Free Press.
AT a camp meeting last summer, VEN
cradle sister began the hymn:
"My SOUL be on thy guard:
Ten thousand foes arise"
She began too high. "Ten thousand"
she screeched, and stopped. "Start her
at five thousand, cried converted stock
broker present.
CLERGYMAN-"A charming landscape,
sir?" Painter-"It's very kind of you
to say SO, I'm sure; I've done my best,
but I'm afraid it's not half up to the
thing itself" Clergyman-"What thing
itself?" Paintcr-"W Why, the original"
Clergyman 81 was referring to the
original. Ppm.
You've miner wants to know if we
would advise him to go to Leadville or
stay i'll New Jersey to dig for gold. Stay
i'll New Jersey, my boy. You will find
easier digging i'll the sand of that state
than in Colorado rocks, and when you
get tired of digging you won't have to
walk back three thousand miles. -BOstnn
Post.
WHAT the editor printed" Hon.
Luke Lethertung, our distinguished
representative to the national congress,
has very kindly favored us with copy of
his able and mastery speech on the I'm
provement of Bobtailed Frogs" What
the editor said" What in thunder does
that fool send his rubbish here for?'-
Boston Transcript.
81 SAY, mister, this is double seat,
and can't lay over it in that way" said
stand-up passenger in II crowded car to
another passenger who was making him
self too much home. Cant lay over
the seat?" echoed the loafer. "Bet
your life can. See here, l have lay
over check from the conductor, and it is
good. ~. q. Picdyunc.
A MAN went fishing the other day and
returned with three small trout. He
carried them through the street boldly,
and, when asked If those were all he
caught, frankly admitted that they were.
The neighbors gave him surprise party
last night, and presented him with the
beautiful carved motto: can honest
fisherman is the noblest work of God"
WOULDN'T you like to have bow q
said the bold young archer, rs they
sauntered down the field, and she muir
INJURED, Yes" and the absorbed archer
said, "What kind of a bow would you
prefer?" She quivered little as she
replied archly, 81 think l should prefer
you, and although he was an arrow
chested youth, he went to the target and
heaved bull's-sigh.
IT seems almost incredible that an ele-
plant has 10000 muscles in his trunk,
but after man has experienced an ele-
plants gentle twist about his system
and been thrown the whole length of
menagerie tent through the candy stand
into the lemonade tub he will be willing
to take oath that there are at least one
million and half muscles in that inter-
esting animals front tail
The butcher had toiled painfully and
YEARLY up the two long flights of stairs
that led to the HaDkeye sanctum, and
handed the patient but impartial editora
bill and poem. "Take them away"
said the man of the quill. 81 reject
them both; your poem is just like your
steak, it's STUFF "It's -" queried
the butcher. cts tough" was the cruel
reply, and the convention adj ouned over
until tomorrow, to give the committee
on credentials time to report.
THERE is a great deal of interesting
conversation going over the telephone
wires, if you leave the machine open and
listen. The message of a fond mother
whose cherub had eaten watermelon or
30 too much, and n gentleman who had
sent home a large reddish for dinner, got
mixed yesterday. First voice-What
shall l do about the baby? Second
voice-Scrape all the scales off him, cut
him open and have him dressed nicely
for dinner with caper sauce. Aint he a
whopper?
Two little crumbs of humanity were
cast upon the waters of the Seine fort
night ago. A boat drifting in the river
was found to contain two children, a boy
of two years and girl of fifteen months,
both in cradles. BY their side was
sheet of paper, on which was written,
81 abandon you because cannot bring
you up, and am going to drown myself
because cannot live without you, and,
since your father is dead, may they who
find you take care of you" The chill
dren were taken to the founding hos
pital.
HOMER A. NELSON, one Of the dele
gates to Cincinnati, who had never seen
Ohio river water, went to his room for a
wash. Putting his thumb on the faucet
he kept it there while the water ran. At
first it was muddy. He held ON five
minutes, ten minutes, half an hour, but
still the muddy fund ran. He pressed
the electric knob. The boy appeared in
time, and the judge, in vociferous tones,
raised the old Harry about the water and
ordered some clean. "Clean," said the
waiter; "bless your honor's heart, but
there amt never none no cleaner nor
that"