Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-02-16
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

An appeal to the understanding Wip'
your feet. -
More men brake in the railroad business
than in any other.
A recent discovery is telephone talked
to death by barber.
Acids and pickles are usually the con
tents of the family jar.
No matter how poor a man is, he can al
ways hold up lamp-post and whistle.
The slang expression, "the proper ca
per-" was probably invented by mutton
head.
Good digestion will do great deal more
to keep man straight than good resolu
tions.
! This is an open winter-open at both
ends, with gentle zephyrs blowing cleal
through.
"Have another dozen, Bill ?" said q
drunken man :" let's get up Juror in the
oyster business.
| The difference between husband and
wife-no, no, there never should be any
difference between them.
Mamma, what are twins made for ? y
Her precocious brother replied, " So that
cannibals may eat philopenas.
A witty divine, speaking of recent
journey from the West, said he spent a
day in New York because it was all he had
to spend there.
Twelve millions of Germans live outside
the German Empire in Russia, Austria and
Switzerland, using the High German Ian
guage and books.
The worst case of "stage fright " is that
of the man who thinks he has passed up a
two dollar and half gold piece instead of
dime to the driver.
The fellow who swore off swearing off
calculates that he is about the only man
who is sticking to his first of January vow
at present. Rome Sentinel.
"The dye is cast" said the lodger in the
attic, as he hurled bottle of Mrs. Aliens
at the feline disturber Of his repose.-
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A Sunday school boy of New Jersey,
being asked what became of Lots wife
after she was turned into salt, replied that
she must have been in an awful pickle.
There is but one printed Turcoman book,
Bible translated from the Russian. So
that it seems that the Russians have done
more for Central Asia than the English
have.
The average housewife will take more
pains to carry sickly fifteen-cent plant
through four months of winter than she
will to keep butter on the ice during three
months of hot weather.
Mr. Bourke says that in the present
state of Europe it is impossible for any
country to obtain diplomatic or peaceful
success unless it has certain amount OF
material force behind it.
The Pennsylvania miners have been or.
dered to strike. 1t is hard to serve two
masters. When times are hard the mine
owners say, "Stop" When times are
good the union cries, "Quit!"
Mrs. Scott Siddons has offended the Fac
ulty of Asbury College, in Indiana, by
wearing a low-necked dress at a reading
before the students Good gracious Did
the Hoosiers expect the poor woman to
read without any dress on ?-[ Boston Com
mercial Bulletin.
An aged invalid required nurse. A
friend knew of q very excellent person.
How old is she ?" inquired the invalid.
"About eighteen; but she looks to he
thirty" "She won't do" said the in
valid; -" prefer one that is thirty, who
looks to be eighteen"
Joaquin Miller has abandoned poetry
and gone to specializing IN stocks. Ex-
change. 1t is true that Mr.. Miller has en-
gagged in stock speculations, but he has not
abandoned poetry, as will be seen by the
following:
And il is gone Gone like breath:
Gone like white sail seen at night
moment, and then lost to sight,
Gone like a star you gaze upon,
That glmmers to a bead, a speck,
Then softly melts into the dawn,
And all is still and dark as death.
And then you dance around and swear,
And snatch out handfuls Of your hair
Because you bought put a " call,
And didn't have no sense at all.
"There is nothing" said little Mr. Bark
ingdale, who was jumping at the top hook
in the hat-rack with his new silk hat,
"there is nothing" he painted, with an
other desperate jump succeeds and up
he went again" like" and he made a
Jump that a kangaroo would have envied--
like he shouted, as he slapped his hat
Just a second too long, tore it clear off,
pulled the hook through the side of his
hat, and then, as the whole hat-rack came
over on top of him and he thrust his head
through the mirror IL the middle OF it, he
roared in desperate and legitimate con-
clusion-" success !" And all the rest of
the guests seemed to think that way, too,
for the enthusiasm was tremendous.
We do not hesitate to say it, but every
careful observer-and what man is not a
careful observer knows that there is i'm
minent danger that the enforced knock
kneedness of the present generation almost
inevitably fastens the knock-knee upon the
next generation as an inherited defect of
form. The consequences can easily be
foreseen. A generation of knock-kneed
people will, of course, abandon the COM
preston of dresses on the knees, which has
impressed that defect but in the effort to
cure the knockknee means will be found
to turn the knee outward, and the opposite
evil will be embraced. Pigeon-toed and
splay.footed people will come into fashion,
and, as result of the present fashion, in
fifty years, through the intermarriage of
knock .kneed and pigeon-toed people, we
shall be nation of knock-kneed, bow
legged, splay-footed, pigeon-toed, handy
shanked people, byword and reproach
on the face of the earth. Nashville Amer
lean.
THE MEEK PARsoN.
Ill L.