The Portland daily press., 1880-03-11
Cap and Bells.

Gap ana Bells.
Which he was a small heather Chnee
With grin that was frightful to see;
His labor bore fruits
In the shape of cherOOts,
So quite up to snuff was All Lee.
''The Chinese must go'' was the cry;
No heather cigars would they try;
'Me fxee Kear-nee,"
Said that wicked All Lee,
"Bet makee sand-otee man buy"
And his grin it was frightful to know,
And his queer little eyes were q show,
While as sly as fox.
He labelled each box
OF cherocts with "The Chinese Must Co."
Detroit Free Press.
The Modern Argo says that editors and hens
must scratch for living.
eff hit yer," said one small boy to another,
"yer'll be usin' yerself fer snuff ter-morrer."
.Apropos of the gem puzzle: "Say, why is
everything either at thirteens or fourteens?"
"Get thee to gunnery,'' is the first advice
given to Leadville emigrants when outftting
in Denver.
The biggest moustache on record is the one
Michael Angelo cut on his statue of Moses 1t
weighs ton and half
Atlanta Constitution: The best and most
thoughtful newspapers now allow contributors
to the waste-baskets to write on both sides of
the sheet.
New York Mail: Current conversation:
tIo, osr Al. -.
o. year. Got that puzzle yet?'' "Yes; worked
it in five minutes first time tried it," etc.
recent Leadville funeral was ended with
a dance, and some of the more conservative
people of the city think it was verging on bad
taste to have dance during Lent.
Cincinnati Enquirer: The poet Tennyson is
worth S1,OOOOOO, and we don't see what use
there was in his writing "Come not when 1
am dead They'll be ON hand, every one of
them, when the will is opened.
When member of a convention misses the
chance of nominating the chairman, he needn't
be discouraged. He can get mentioned in the
spapers by offering resolution thanking some
body for the use of the hall. The road to fame
is open to all.
Amherst Student: "a place for everything
and everything in its place." A man at Yale
nails his slippers on the wall four feet up, and
then all he has to do of an evening is to wheel
up his easy chair in front of them and pull out
his meerschaum.
Harvard Lampoon: Snodkins on the Con.
tinong. Jones-Well, old man, how long are
you going to staysin Paris? Snod.-Oh, two or
three months I've got return ticket good
for year-bon pour ua dne,-ye know (Snod
never could see what that fool of Jones was
laughing at).
Oil City Derrick: "My boys" said kind
Oil City teacher, "if you would be President of
the United States, you. must be good and studi-
ous." "Who wants to be President" yelled
out young chap from the back seat. "Id
ruther be Butler Bill and shoot an Injun."
And the boys all chorused, "Thems our senti-
mentS."
Andrews Queen; Here is frst-rate conun-
drum. We have forgotten the question; in fact
we never have been able to think of the ques-
ton. But the answer is Because of the Pie
Rates of Penn's Aunts'' 1t is something
ABOUT quaker paStry, OF course. All you nave
to do to spring it ON your friends is just to fix
up the question. We fairly roared with laugh
ter when we first thought Of that answer.
Rockland Courier: The poetical language
of the Orient differs visibly from the plain,
common sense brusqueness of our own land;
for instance,swhen Persian meets friend, he
says, "Thy visits are as rare as fine days.; but
when an American woman sees a caller COM
ing up the front walk, she remarks, "There! if
there amt that everlasting Smith woman
again." 1t is big difference.