davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
DIt. WASHINGTON.
HIS "RHEuMArIz" RsMEDY.

HIS RHEUMATIC BbhEDY.
The other day, says the Little Rock Ga
zette, DR.. Washington, a colored man, was
arraigncd before a justice of the peace,
charged with something like mal-medical
practice. He had given a colored man a
dose ofmedicine, and the colored man didn't
liye but one hour afterward.
The justice was colored man, and prob,
ably knew as much of law as the doctor did
of medicine. When the doctor had been ar
raigued, the justice Asked
"Dr. Washington, how long is you been
praeticin' oh medicine?"
"Sence de wah, sah."
what books on de fzck on de human
reconstruction did yer study?"
"0h, studud 'nuf-Cornstalk's plosophy
'mong de number. Now, jedge, let me ak
you one pint. What books on de law did
you study ?"
"I'se heah, prisoner afore do bar, ter try
dis case, an not to STAN 'zamination.
Comm down from de law language TO plain
kill dat manH 'splain yourself, sab, or I'll
put de clamps of my 'thoroty on you"
"Ef dars a man in dis country what can
'splaln hisself Use de man." said the doctor
arising. "some few days ago vented a
new medicine from roots dug outen de
groun.' Hit struck me dat de medicine
would cure dc rheumatic, an when went
ter see de man what is dead now / con-
cluded TO Experiment. on him. No medicine
amt no count till you speriment wild it..
All medical 'yentions has to be proved.
When Bright vented ter kidney disease, he
didn't know it work till he tried hit. /
figured it up jest dis way. Says ter my
self, ef dis medicine cures de man hits good,
but ef hit kills him, hit wont do ter tamper
wild, or let lie aroun' loose among ehilun.
Well, gin him der medicine, and about an
hour alterward he was dead. How wou 4
a knowed dat dc medicine want 6ttsn f,
use ef hadn't tried it7 Don't yer see d.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
GENIUS UNRECOGNTzEu.

Franz Won Suppe, the composer of "Fatln-
itza," had an adventure in Vienna. Stroll
ing in the suburbs one afternoon, he went
into cafe to get some lunch. After consum-
ing it, he asked the waiter what was to pay.
Nothing, sir" was the reply.
"Nonsence How much is it?"
"Not farthing, sir. cannot take any
money from YOU"
"But whyP"
''Oh, for a reason, sir"
as it possible that the man knows my
work, and is an admirer of mine," thought
the fattered composer. "But, really, my
man, l cannot permit you to treat me to a
lunch"
"You must, sir"
every well, then. Here is a horin for
drink money"
"Thank you, but l cannot accept it,"
Greatly, this is gratifyingp exclaims
suppe. "Talk about fame So you won't
permit me to pay or reward you ?"
Decidedly not, sir"
"Then here, take this order for box at
the opera tonight"
Pardon, but never go TO a theatre"
"What Then how do you come TO know
my piece /"
"What piece?"
"'Fatinitza."
'rNever heard of it in my life. 1t it fun
ny2"
ais it funny In heavens name, man.
do you mean to say you don't know me?"
Certainly, sir"
"Then why do you refuse to accept pay
mentT
"Because all is paid already. The house
has been chartered for a week by Deputy
Holman, who hopes that each Of ofthe gen
tlemen who enjoy his hospitality will vote
for his re election. Here is his ballot, SIR"
Exit Won Suppe TO music expressive Of
disgust.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
AN EPISODE OF THE WAR.
LOVED PAPA, WHEN WILL YOU COME HoMl
AGAIN? MY OWN DEAR PAPAr'


AGAIN? MY OWN DEAR PAPA p
In his wind-shaken tent the soldier sits,
Beside him flares an oil-lamp smoklly,
Whose dim light glooms and flckers on tht
sheet
or rustling paper that, with eager eyes
And heart, intent he reads Now with
smile
| The faxen-bearded sunburnt face lights up
A hnlle that in the smiling breeds pain
Within his yearnIng heart the gentle hand
That those sweet loving words hath traced
will he
Even again in his protecting clasp
Enfold itH who can tell He can but kiss,
With wild intensity, the page that hand
Hath touched. Each line, each word read
and re-read,
At last there is no more. with swimming eyes
He looks, and drinks her name into his soul.
Yet see those lines with pencil widely ruled,
Where largely sprawled big letters help
lessly;
What do they say, those baby characters,
So feebly hugeP
"Loved Papa,
When will you come home again7
My own dear Papa -
Ashe reads this the tent to him grows darker
His strong hand trembles, and the hot tears
In his blue eyes, and blur the struggling
words,
What need to see The words are stamped
upon
His heart, and his whole soul doth feel them
there.
The wind on gusty wings sweeps by and 10
With its wild voice, his chlld's sweet treble
mingles
"Loved Papa,
When will you come home again?
My own dear Papar"
And now his head is bowed into his hands,
His brave heart for momont seems to climb
Into his throat and choke him. Hark
what sound
Thus sharply leaps among, and Stays the sad
Wind voices ofthe Autumn night, with shrill
And sudden blastP The bugle-call TO arms y
And startled sleepers, at its fierce appeal,
Half dreaming clutch their swords, and grasp
ing wake,
How many soon to sleep again-in death
And on that fathers heart the pealing cry
Strikes cold as ice, though soldiers there's
none braver,
For still above the bugle's thrilling breath
That pleading child.voice sweetly calls:
"Loved Papa,
When will you come home again?
My own dear Papal"
Across rough hillside the light Of dawn
Doth coldly creep, with ruthless touch reveal
ing
All that by darkness had been hid and there,
Amongst the stalwart forms that stiffenlng lie
Upon the blood-soaked ground, where they
lie thickest
There is one found, with flaxen hair and beard
Dark dyed with gore, a bullet in his heart!
A crumpled paper in his hand was clutched,
'Gainst the cold lips the rigid hand did press
Some childish writing by his life. blood stained.
What are the words? One scarce can read
them now
"Loved Papa,
When will you come home again?
My own dear Papar'
Temple Bar.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24

WI ,bopi h" you i ever know any person 10 be n,
kidnevs ~ 'raS'ion I,i OF The stomach, liver ~
a,'i vel when either was obstrueted az VINO wa
lgu, NV ana you ever know or he.r T., '.se'i'e
a. a I'e Nind thet Hop Bltlers wouid ,',. a.y eass
''-A your neighbor this same qussiioo oo' e15, n
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
A OnestiOn of Denomination.

One of the assistents at the postofIice hap
pened TO be standing at one Of the delivery
windows the other day, when a buxom
damsel Of about Is summers, stepped up
and asked if stamps were sold here. Upon
being told that they We're, she said she
wanted to buy one dollars worth.
"One dollars WORTH" repeated the smil-
ing assistant "of what denomination ?"
The damsel showed symptoms Of embar-
rassment and hesitated 10 reply. She twirled
her shawl fringe neryously, cast her eyes
about to see if any one was near, moved q
little closer 10 the window and finally asked
in a timurous voice;
"Do you hef TO write it DOWN.
"By no MEANS" answered the courteous
assistant "that is not necessary, but PIE
sumo you have some preference as to the
denomination
"Ah-well-yes," replied the stranger,
her face turning scarlet, "I hey some. /
generally 60 To the 'Piscopal Methodist my
self, but the fellow I'm buying the stamps
for he's Universal Orthodox"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24

Young man, don't swear, There is n,
occasion for swearing outside of a nswspe.
office, where it is useful in proof re d
and indispensably necessary in adir
forms to press. It has been kno' gettiu
materially assist the editor loc' Rn, also.
paper after it is printed. 4ing over tb
is a very foolish habit. jut otherwise
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
''IIirougIl without Change.,,

As the conductor was bustling through a
car on the New York and New England
Railroad, a stalwart fellow, with an ear ON
him like new kind of Japanese puzzle,
rose suddenly to his feet, seized the eonduc-
tors right hand between his horny palms,
and shook and squeezed it so long that
the conductor will carry the mark of
a ticket punch to his grave. "Great horned
spoons" he beloved, what a lovely idea
Say did you get it up2 How did you hap
pen TO think ON it7" "Thnk of what?@
demanded the conductor, trying to break
up his jellited hand into fingers again.
"Why, this idee of going through to Boast
ing without change. Why, was walking
about, wondering how should get to Boast
ing, when / read the Sign Through to
Boosting without change That's me- sed
l. haint got any change, or bills either,
and here am buEEiug along toward Boast-
ing as slick as goOsegSease, without darned
cent of change in my pocket Works liks
charm, doesn't itf" The conductor reached
for the bell cord, but, recollecting that he
had no fingers TO pull it with, be passed on
with wild groan such as one utters when
be is carried under by great billow Of woe,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
Advertising Rates.

We desire it to be distinctly understood
that no advertisements will be inserted in
the columns of THE CARBON ADVOCATE tn
may be received from unknown parties or
firms unless accompanied by the CASH.
The following are our ONLY terms:
ONE SQUARE 30 JfNEs),
One year, each insertion. 10 cts.
Six months, each insertion......"" 10 cts.
Three months, each insertion........" 20 cts.
Less than three months, first insertion
81; each subsequent insertion......' 20 cts.
Local notices 10 cents per line.
H.V. MoRTHIMER, Publisher.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24
When dentists Of u

Mhen dentists OF .
a way 10 pull tee AIS country can discovs.
wish he had n without making ~.
have twice. oeen born a hen, lio wiII
As much happiness
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-01-24

geography OBJ my gegement Science must
be yanced, yer know"
"Daps fack !" said the Justice, after mus.
ing awhile, ''de pint are well sustained. Mr..
Constable, turn dis man loose, and caution
him not to vent any noah medicine in my
township"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

SOME Corn IN ILLINoIs.-The corn
crop of the State of Illinois for the year
1879 is reported to be 905, ,S13, ,377 bushels,
and estimated to be worth S97 ,483, ,052,
about 31f cents per bushel. 1t is diff
cult for the mihd to take in the full mag
nitude of these figures. Here are some
calculations that will help the concep.
ton: Load this corn upon wagons, 40
bushels to the load, and start them off on
the road so near together that there shall
be 100 teams in every mile. The line Of
wagons carrying this one crop of Illinois
corn would stretch away 76, ,453 miles, OF
more than three times around the world
Again: Load this crop upon railway
freight cars, 1851 bushels or about 8 tons
to the car, and make up these cars into 0
continuous freight train, allowing 80 fee!
of track to each car. The train would
extended $3.50 miles, or nearly twice
across the continent. from the Atlantic
to the Pacific Oceansl Again: Suppose
we put this corn crop into square bin
20 feet deep. Let the arithmetical young
readers of the american Agricut
turia reckon how large this bin woule
be each way. Also, how many acres il
would cover. Also, how many pounds o
pork it would make if given pigs weighing
lOOfbs. each when they begin feeding
upon the corn, and 250tbs. when killed
for pork.-American AgricuAurist Jo'
March.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

AN HONEST WoRLD.-A dozen men
were loafng away the rainy hours in 9
business place near the ferry dock, when
the conversation turned upon the subjec,
of general rascality. A citizen said he
had given boy quarter to get changed
and had never seen him again; another
said he wouldn't trust his own grand.
mother, and third would give 500 tc
see an honest man.
"I have not yet lost my faith in human
nature" finally remarked man on a back
seat. "Any of you may call in stranger
to US all, and / will give him five dollar
bill to 60 and get changed. If he fails tc
come back l lose the money if be returns
you will see how foolish your assertions
are"
Half dozen men rushed to the door
A seedy, gaunt and evil.looking African
was padding by in the rain, and he was
selected to make the test.
Stranger" said the man who hadn't
lost confidence, ''take this five dollar bill
around the corner and get it changed and
I will give you ten cents"
The black man departed without q
word, and for the next ten minutes the
laugh was on the man who sent him. I,
died away, however, as the African
slouched in, handed out the bill, and
said:
81 ruined all ober an nobody could
change him."
He was given his ten cents, and the
man who lost the quarter by the boy said
be couldn't have believed such an exhi-
bition of honesty if he had not witnessed
it, and he was willing to buy the cider
for the crowd.
1t was only after the cider had been
destroyed and paid for that he learned
that the bill given the negro was base
counterfeit which no one would accept.
Detroit Free Press.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

TILDEN's DEcIsIoN.-At q meeting Of
prominent friends of Mr.. Tilden, which
was held in New York on Saturday, the
18th of February, the declaration was
made by that gentleman that he would
without doubt be q candidate for the
Democratic nomination. During the
last six months reports have reached us
from time to time, aud from the most re-
liable sources, that Mr.. Tilden contem-
plated a voluntary but decided relinquish-
ment of such bonors, but we have no
reason to doubt that, whatever may have
been his intentions or purposes, he is now
firmly resolved to ask for denomination.
It was due to his friends, who might de-
sire to attach themselves to other candi-
dates in the event of his withdrawal from
the race that be should come to an imme-
diate and positive decision, and this, we
are informed on unquestionable authori-
ty, he has done. Mr.. Tilden is credited
with the possession of great political sa-
gacity and almost unbounded influence
in his party, but we have no reason to
doubt, and, on the contrary, every reason
to believe, that unless he can convince
the Cincinnati convention that he can
carry the state of New York be can never
obtain the nomination. He may be able
as the New York Sun, which appears
to be his mouthpiece, asserts-to defeat
any Democrat nominated over him or
against his wishes. But even in the jaws
Of such contingency, it is not possible
that q convention Of sensible men will
meet and nominate man confessedly
foredoomed to defeat. 1t will be of the
highest importance therefore for him to
Immediately put at work the agencies
which will bring about consolidated
Democracy in the city and state of New
York Washington Post.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18
THE LAWS OF THE STATE.
Acts Passed by the Legislature Mt tho Late
Session.

AN ACT to Amend an Act Entitled can
Act to Provide for Drainage in the
Counties of Anderson and Beaufort" /"
Approved December 2Srd, 1873, and
the Act Amendatory Thereof.
Be it enacted by the Senate and House
of Representatives of the State of South
Carolina, now met and sitting in General
Assembly, and by the authority of the
same:
That an Act entitled can Act to pro.
vide for drainage in the Counties of An
derson and Beaufort" approved Decem-
Der 23rd, 1878, and the Act amendatory
thereof, approved December =, A. D.
1879, be, and the same is hereby, amend
ed by adding the following:
"SEC. 4. 1t shall be the duty of the
County Commissioners of the Counties
herein named to see that the provisions
of this Act are complied with, and in
case of neglect or refusal on the part of
any landowner to comply with its re-
quirements the said County Commission.
ers shall upon complaint being made to
them by any landowner or renter inter.
ested in the enforcement of the provis'
ions of this Act notify such landowner to
proceed within fifteen days to comply
herewith, and upon failure to do 80 the
said County Commissioners shall indict
or cause the said landowner so neglectipg
or refusing to be indicted under the pro-
visions of this Act"
Approved February 20, 1880.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

= On the day of the funeral of Mr..
VIM. P. Miller in Wilmington, Del, a
woman, in whose lineaments traces OF
youthful beauty still fingered though ad-
vancing age had streaked her once luxu-
RANT hair with silver, entered the house
to look for the last time upon the face OF
the corpse. Few if any present knew or
recognized her, yet hers was the legal
right to appear as chief mourner there,
for she was the first and the only wife OF
the departed. Among the neighbors her
story is thus told: She was welded to Mr..
Miller when both were comparatively
young. One son was born to them and
their lives ran ON peacefully and une-
ventfully as far rs is known until about
fifteen years ago. About that time the
husband was taken down with that dread
ed and loathsome malady, smallpox
The wife's dread of the disease proved
stronger than her love and sense of duty,
and she deserted the house, leaving him
to be nursed back to life and health by a
younger and braver woman. With re.
turning health sprang up in the man q
feeling of gratitude and affection for his
young nurse. His recreant wife had gone
and he would not recall her. The love
that she had forfeited he transferred tc
the woman who had remained by him ir
his hour of need, and from that time ur
to the hour of his death they lived TO-
gether rs man and wife. The son took
his fathers part and had no reproaches
for her who had taken his mothers place
After the funeral he and the second Mrs
NJ. divided the household goods and fam
lily relics between them and left the city
he going to Philadelphia and she to Bal
timore. The original Mrs. NJ. departed
as she had come, whittier seems to be
unknown, and the house has already beer
rented again,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

- The divorce committee of the
French chamber of deputies have report
ed in favor of allowing divorces by mu-
tual consent when the wife is more than
forty-fve years old, and has been married
more than twenty years.
The three political National Con.
ventions will be held in June-that OF
the Republicans in Chicago, June I'd
that of the Greenbackers in Chicago
June 10th, and that of the Democracy in
Cincinnati June 22d.
Neutrality-suspicious. you begin your
heavy spring work after winter OF. re-
Taxation, your system needs cleansing
and strengthening to prevent an attack
of Augue, Bilious or Spring Fever, OF
some other Spring sickness that will un, q,
fit you for seasons work. You will
use one bottle of Hop Bittess in your
family this month. Don't wait.-Br-
lington HaUkeye.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

DIDN'T BELIEVE IN 'EM.-"You've got
telephone here, haven't you ?" asked
citizen as he yesterday entered an Office
on Griswold street in seeming great
hurry.
"Yes," was the reply.
"Well, never believed in 'em to any
great extent, but want to order some
coal from yard up the river"
The owner of the Office proceeded to
"call," and when he got the coal dealers
he said:
"Mr. Blank is here, and he wants to
know if you have any soft coal"
"Yes-500 tons," was the answer.
"Well, he wants you to send him up
ton."
"We'll see him blowed first He has
owed US bill for over two years |"
"Yum p muttered the man as he
stepped back.
"Did they say that they'd send it?"
asked the other.
"N-o, not exactly"
"What did they say?"
"I-I didn't catch it very we'll. Let
me repeat. Picking up the trumpet
again he stood with it to his ear and
asked:
"Did you say you'd send itf"
"Not by a blamed sightp came the re-
sponse.
"Well," asked the man, as painful
pause ensued.
"Well," replied the operator, "this line
isn't working very we'll this morning. and
you'd better go to the Office four doors
below. The dealers seem to hear me we'll
enough, but I don't get hold of their an
swer plainly. The other instrument is
probably working all right"
"But l shan't bother any one else," :"
growled the man. GAS I said before, 1
never did believe in 'em to any great ex-
tent, and now I've lost what little faith I
had. Much obliged-good day."
IF his ear had been at the trumpet his
faith would have been as big as noun
tain.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1880-03-18

AN ACT to Require the Attendance of
the Solicitors of the State Upon the
Sessions of the General Assembly and
to Define Their Duties.
BE it enacted by the Senate and House
of Representatives of the State of South
Carolina, now met and sitting in General
Assembly, and by the authority Of the
same:
SECTION 1. That the eight Circuit So
licitors of this State, or so many as may
be deemed necessary by the Attorney
General, be, and they hereby are, re-
quired to attend the sessions of the Gen
eral Assembly, and that while so i'll at
tendance upon the General Assembly
it shall be their duty, under the direction
of the Attorney General, to assist the
Attorney General in and supervise the
engrossing aud enrolment Of all Acts
passed during the session, and to see that
the work is neatly, promptly and correct
ly done, to which effect one of said So
licitors shall certify upon each Act be-
fore the same is ratified; and they shall
also assist the Attorney General in draw
ing Bills and attending to such business
connected with the session as may be
necessary.
Sec. 2. For such services the said So
licieors shall each receive for the number
of days of actual attendance the same
per diem as the members of the General
Assembly shall receive for the session
which they NAV attend,
Sec. 8. That the Attorney General be,
and he is hereby, authorized to employ
such clerical assistance in engrossing and
enrolling of Bills and Acts as in his judg-
ment may be deemed necessary.
Sec. 4. All Acts or parts of Acts in
consistent with this Act are hereby re-
pealed.
Approved February 20, 1880.