The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-01-03


much as piano does. =
Broad is the road that leads to debt
And thousands walk together there;
with here and there passenger.
Pa said a bright boy the other day, ''what
is wine made OFF, And the foolish man, without
thinking said, - Grapes" The amount OF igRO-
rance and tbOughtlessness in this world is greater
than one would believe. g..
a member Of Congress chided his daughter be-
cause she permitted her lover to stay after ten
O'Clock. . La, pa" she said, 1--WE were only
holding little extra"
An exchange says that Pennsylvania Dutch
girls make good preserves. But it doesn't say
how much sugar you take to n pound Of Dutch
girl, nor how long you let EN- boil
Said little girI OF five s' Mama, who makes
us naughty p - Satan, my dear And who
makes us good - - God, dear - Well. then,
which works the hardest2''
A youth invested 81 so through New York
advertisement to discover - How to appear well
in society The recipe which he received by
return mail was short. simple, and easily under
stood always keep your nose clean, and don't
suck more than one finger ut n time
They had their usual evening quarrel as they
sat by the hearth. On side ley que tly n
blinking dog and on the other purring cat, and
the old woman pleaded with her growing hus-
band; - Yust you look at dot gat und t.
tie old growIer. - knows de-
dem tOgeier once, und ~
a colored man apply
in Cincinnati, was aske re
rs!stGts- - Yes, sab, N asked
how. he answered. . tI alluded to de
tender relashuns Of lab WI prevails between us
Mt the present moment.
1 Marietta a little lamb.
Then she took slice o ham
Next she ate a piece o. pie
Mincc-a little sip o. rye.
AZ & %aS sz.dSs5thy Ss5hhh5s Goes dSefsd iss tesf Rsf
Then she slept and dreamed that she
Was Barnum's menagerie
Tho Transcript says: ''AmOng all the amuse
ments that fashion has tried to render popular,
whaling has been neglected but from all ae-
counts il is much better fun than polo. and more
exciting. Now that whale oil is no longer n ne
cesslty, why not hunt the animal for sport 2''
When the Transcript man has been at sea a year
and never once heard :. There she blOws' he
will revise his opinions about the sport
-ris the last maid OF summer
Left flirting alone, -.-
All her youthful companions
Have get mp and gone
No druggist with paint-Pot
And eosRestie = nigh
To improve on her eye
wealthy gentleman happened to remark, in
the hearing Of a waiter that he would like to
have some coffee such as be used to have at home
in the years long ago lie was presently served
with cup Of his much beloved beverage, and he
exclaimed, - There is coffee - The waiter had
ordered the browning Of some rye and beans,
which, with little ehicCry and dash Of milk,
made the drinker happy.
In giving his experience the other night, an old
forty-niner frankly admitted that his life had
been a failure. Said he {" When | left Inde.
amy TO come to CalifOrny my whole ambition
was to dig out gold enough 50 that | could go
back home and buy tumblin shaft thrashin'
machine and 20 about the country every fall doin'
custom work and livin' on roast chickens. Now
here I am, and nary thrazhin' machine yet, and
even If had the machine, my appetite for chicken
is gone. tell you, boys, my LIES bin failur''
This is she latest telephone story A proud
grandmamma, who has only just been promoted
TO the hOnOrs Of that proud relationship is reused
in the dead Of night by the inexOrable bell
- Mamma, dear, comes To her the frightened
voice Of her beloved but inexperienced daughter,
" am sure baby has the Group. What shall 1
do with Il p Grandmamma replies that she will
call the family doctor. and be with her anxious
daughter IN n moment She awakens the doctor
and tells him the terrible news she has heard
from her daughter. He in turn requests to be
put in telephone communication with the too
anxious mamma. - Lift the child TO the tele-
phone. and let me hear it cough he commands
The child is lifted, and it coughs. 80 That's not
the Group, declares he and declines to leave the
house on s"ch matters. He advises grandmamma
also to stay in bed, and, all anxiety quieted the
trio settle down happy for the night
young gentleman ana his DlushIng bride,
who were recently married 10 philadelphia called
the next week at an apartment house and were
shown the fat that was to let by the Ioquacious
person who dictates as janitOr- This estimable
woman, who would appear 70 be good. motherly
souI went on 10 illustrate how very healthy the
house happened to be - There was Mrs. -,
ON the first floor she came here bride, and
went away with three children, pretty little
things rs ever sa~. And there was Mrs. -,
the second who had a little son born here, mem,
and fourteen months after, daughter. And,
mem, Mrs. =, the third floor, she was bride,
too mem, and it was twins, mem, within year.
III YOU please, mem, am the mother of four of
ne dariingest -'' " Thanks, !" SAID the bride
Oom from whom cleaned this interesting an
'ote, s'alter all, / think it would be better to
u little farther up town" And he led the
In. blushing again-into the open air and
hishe healthy neghborhood.