The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-09-10
HERE AND THERE

l. AnluOul IIOih tic SNs1tS-
The Kansas voters who oppose the |
amendment have never seen
an Arkansas City man have the jim
jams.
Minnesota papers can figure a fortune |
from 100 head ofsheep, and yet allow |
the dogs all the mutton they want TO
cat.
The Grecnback movement is depress-
Ingly feeble in Michigan, but there are
thirty-twO kinds of wind mills IN opera
ton in the state.
Mackey, the Nevada millionaire, likes
to be passenger in stage coach and
hear people call him ''that stingy old
fence-picket who ought to be made to di-
vide"
Silver pieces with holes in are getting
scarccr than they were. The disreputable
fellows who went round boring holes
in them for their own profit will soon be
out of a situation.
The richest young lady in TIE United
States is Miss Catherine Wolfe, Of New
York, and she has just erected II home
and lodging house for newsboys and
other street arabs. Her millions number
about fifteen.
&c. Carpenter didn't get there, this
time, but the lightning caromcd around
him with sufficient affection to make it
interesting, and inspire the sweet hope
in his breast that it will know where
to find him in 'S2.
From its supernal heights, the glori-
flel spirit of Boss Tweed, is sweetly
smiling approval upon the manner in
which John Kelly is ''rattling" the r.
wing hall Democracy in the division of
the political spoils in New York.
1t would take an ordinary well-pump
forty consecutive years, without Il mo-
ment's rest, to pump the quantity of beer
sold in this country last year. How
thankful we ought to be that this nation
doesn't have to depend on one pump.
The surviving relatives and friends
of the unfortunate men who were buried
in the ruins of the caissOn leading to the
Hudson river tunnel, will be encouraged
to learn that the Millerites predict a
general resurrection of the dead in 1882
at seems devilish unique that should
be turning into the same bunk with a
darkeY, but it appears to be one of the
special provinces of politics to make
strange bed-fellows, and I guess l can
stand it if Langston can."-Dr. String
field.
A colored preacher in Baltimore says
he has attended thIrty-one camp meet
ings and has this year arrived at the con.
clusion that all the grace which con-
vert can secure in a whole week will
vanish in two hours after the mosquitoes
begin TO bite.
A woman in Lawrence, who has been
depending for sleep upon the sOporiflC
influences of morphia, for the past ter
years, is effecting IA gradual but radical
cure from the baneful habit by reading
Ed Ross's daily editorials on the corrup
ton of Garfield.
The theory that Chief Ouray was pois
oned has been promptly exploded by thu
intelligence that the last installment o
Texas whisky which reached the Lo
Pinos agency was consumed some week.
prior to the beginning of the illustriOu
Ute's last illness. -
The drouth -shrickers who have a deep
rooted aversion to loafing are packln:
their satchels and setting their faces to
ward the rising sun. If the reports il
the public press are to be credited, the,
can secure remunerative engagements il
Pennsylvania, Connecticut and othel
eastern states.
If the floods and washouts which ar
interfering with travel along the line O
the Santa Fe and other Kansas railroad:
don't soon let up, the imposing function
: aries who wear white caps and stand o.
= the platform of the hind cars, will
putting in their claims for promotion I
: the rank of rear admiral.
= The Democrats needn't lavish an
r money ON the state canvass this yea
!, A sufficient number of 81 told you SOS
from the rural districts have already II
:, ported at the various newspaper Office
through out the state, to give st. John
majority of at least $4,000 votes. It's
c mighty uphill job to undertake to be,
the school districts OF Kansas.
Prentiss, of the Champion, says thi
when il is time for man to retire froI
l. public life, nature sends an admonitio
in the shape of an increase of girth, an
that the politician can seek 1.-The post {
:. honor which is the private station
when he begins to let out the backstr
n to his panlaloons. There is who
storc-house of food for reflection in til
G. observation for the superbly corpulel
corset candidate.
The liberal association at BismarC
T. grove, of men who wear long hair al
eat Graham gems, and women WI
ol eschew corsets and affect eye glasst
or seems to be sort of a spelling refor
association, whose object is TO conve
of the world to the autographed amen
ment of spelling the name of the del
with lower case 'g" and Ingersoll WI
of a two-story az"
oe A dramatic note says that Lyd
Thompson will enter upon the engas
ments Of the approaching theatrical 81
son under a cloud. This will be gra
or full intelligence to that portion of I
ell amusementloYing public who still
er tain that inherent sense of modes
which nature seems to have implant
i'll in the breasts of all her children with I
:, | nossihle eXceniion of hald- headed m,