Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1880-01-08

The wrath that Rarners In my heart;
He put our lives 40 tar apart
We cannot hear each other speak.
FUNNYaRAPHs.
ExTREME's meat Oxtail SOUL
World.
FRENoHY: It takes the coupon to
keep the coupe.
The farmer, hoggish man, says he is
not dependent on his pen.
To err is human, and it is the only
human thing some people can do.
AN apparent contradiction: A man
living generously and yet giving nothing
away.
We speak of shrewd man, but, ifhe
Is he is welded, do We not compromise
DoN'T play with the devil when you
are young lest you have to work for him
when you are old.
A DEATH:BED repentance is q good
thing as last resort, but for solid com.
fort it is little uncertain.
THERE is one place where burglars do
not break in as often as the should, and
that is where the water is deep.
The difference between q military
general and q clock is this: One produces
tactics and the other tic taos.
WHEN g man gets the rheumatism in
his knees he knows the beauty of a gate
without hinges.-New Haven Register.
FEBRUARY of this year will have five
Sundays, short as the month is. This
thing only happens once in twenty
eight years, and those who pass contribu-
tion boxes must make the most of it.
It ..is not 80 much the quantity that
tells as the quality. The devil has as
much brains as the archangel, but he
doesn't look at things in the same way,
and that's Why is where he ia.
As they who, for every slight sickness
take physic to repair their health, do
rather impair it, 80 they who for every
triae are eager to vindicate their chsrac-
ter, do rather weaken it.
A PROVINCIAL paper in England ad-
ver' ises: Easy tracks on the violin, or
how to produce limitations of the human
voice, the cries of the barnyard fowls
and the Scotch baepipe."
PHEL1M Ito tourist who had taken
shelter in leaky shebeen) -"'Dad and
it's soaked to the bone you'll be gitten'
wid the strames through the roof.
Come outside, sorr,-it's dryer in the
weti"
You can train the eye to see all the
bright places in your life, and 80 slip
over the hard ones with surprising ease.
You can also train the eye to rest on tho
gloomy spots, in utter forgetfulneas Of
all that is bright and beautiful.
SOMEBODY says quantity enough that
q distinction and difference are by no
means alike. "a little distinction"
makes man very happy, while " q little
difference" especially with ones wife, is
apt to make things 60 very contrariwise.
THEY were inspecting group of
statuary, and she asked him who that
female figure was. He said he wasn't
certain about it, but he thoug ght it must
be bust of Sahara-at least it was
barren waist.
The latest Yankee discovery is q
spring in Michigan go strongly magnetic
that man who drank from it and went
into blacksmith's shop found the anvil
on which he sat stuck fast to him and
had to have it amputated.
A NAN who had $65 stolen from him
received q note with $25, eaying: II
stoled your money. Remorhe naWs 1T
my conshens, and 1 send some of it back.
When remorse naWs again I'll send you
some more" e."-Ne,s York World.
N.-,~un ~ N6on.oo -ho.o r.,,,, hsa
gone off by accident): "Here, ar say;
that's over bad; there's one them shots
gone clean throug h t crown o my 'at."
Mossoo (who has, up to the present,
missed everything): All, zen zat is
bettaire; is it not zat I improve.-Judy.
A. MAN is Just as much afraid of the
things in which he does not believe a.
he is of those in which he does believe.
No one believes in ghosts, and yet every
ole who goes through dark room firmly
expects one to catch him and, carry him
off.
In states where the Mofett liquor
register is used every drunkard is state
officer in 80 far as it is made his duty to
see that barkeepers punch every drink
with care. This punching under espion.
spe goes on until the state officer is blind
drunk, and then the barkeeper punches
his head instead of the register cards.
The O'Finigan: "Bedad, soar, We
were pestered wid those rascal]y spies of
government reporters at our meeting
last night" The O'Brady: "Rimnints
of tory barbarism, sorr; be more care
full. sorr; stand at the door and don't let
q man in unless he comes himself. -
Fen.
A DANBURY young man offended one
of the lady clerks in fancy goods store
at q party few evenings ago. A day
or two later he went into the store and
inquired if she had "gentlemen's gloves"
She answered, Yes" II want to get
@ pair," be said. "Who are they for."
she asked, looking him straight in the
eyes. "Why-for-me," he gasped,
turning scarlet under the insinuation in
her inquiry.-Danbu.y Ne'ns.
Soon after the war, when General
Grant and q party were going through
Now England, the train stopped ut .
small town in Maine, and as he was
standing on the rear platform of the car,
there was a sudden commotion in the
crowd, and there were cries Of /" Make Max
room for your auntiel" Soon gaunt,
tall woman stepped out in front OF the
platform, put her spectacles on her nose,
and set her arms akimbo, and said:
swell, have come down here, running
nigh on to mile, just to get look q
the man that let's the women do all the
talking" -..t. II. >
! THERE is a vast deal of common sense
in the song Of the old negro cook. sht
vas little befogged ~ to the theolog
ical aspect of. the case, and didn't know
any more than some white people d.
what certain events in her life meat, bu
she expressed . very general opinion
when she said: -.Z s.... +. r.
My'sperienee be dat hits bsry well
/ habnt dc power % cheoee; r.
} Ole MssDar above He Knows re got
81 Moro .ngfon dan can use. -e.
II And when the last day comes Oh
hol;avod that tha 1.afd WOuld On1Y n