The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-04-08

PASSING SMILES.

- PASSING SMILES. ~
OF all the works of man, lie has never
discovered way of getting out of this
world alive.
You look good enough to eat" said
he, looking over her shoulder into the
mirror. Food for reflection" she re-
piled without smile.
How many deathsT' asked the hos
pital physician while going lis rounds.
Nine" Why, / ordered medicine
for ten" Yes, but one wouldn't take
it." 'ss''7. ~. fsttHsAT s g. aiiat
WEsTnRN papers are discussing the
/ question, s'Shail married women work 2"
Unless they do we suppose q good many
husbands of the period will starve TO
death. a.
I A MEDICAL journal tells of a man Iiv-
I ing five years with ball in his head.
We've known ladies to live twice as Ling
without anything but balls in their
heads. 81 Sgiaris gid. ss-fyiqUa sai sfesa
/ Ir was delicate piece of sarcasm in
the boarderi who sent his landlady last
handsome silk-lined case, and labelled
Butter khife." 's@e'a7i'> 944s haH
"A BEvY Of Chicago girls, at recent
wedding threw their slippers at the bride
on her departure on her .bri..al tour, for
luck. One of them hit her, and her
funeral occurred three days later.
I The Irish people can t eat the speeches
made in this country over the wees, nor
yet make soup Of the resolutions passe
at mass-meetings. what they want is
pork and lpotatoes.-.DetroitiF Free Press.
sTHE members of the Derrick staff were
bluf6ng as to who had got off the best
thing during the week. When it came
to the last man, he said he thought the
best th ng he had got of was his dirty
shirt. Oil City d, rrick. ISL H. I-....
WE said, the other day, GA million
aire with q boil is not bit happier than
q beggar in tue same predicament," and
forty-sevt II mi!.ier aires have called upon
us for an explanation. O"ce for all we
must say right h re that We haven't
time to fool with miuiona res. a. % s.E
In q little family discussion, the
other day, the madam remarked, some
what tartiy: When marry again"
IL suppose you will marry fool,''
interrupted the husband. Beg your
PARDON" said she, ;" will do nothing of
the kind Iprefer change" The lord
and master wilted. 5.s,sys ,.,--....
AN exchange says: "There are three
headless. ROSTERS being exhibited in
town in Indiana" There are four head
less roosters being exhited in this city,
and the butcher sticks to it that they
are spring chickens and cheap at eight
cents pound.-Peck's Mila0aukee Sun.
AN army officer is retired when he
goes out of service, and wheel is re-
tired to 20 into service again. When a
sheriff releases prisoner he loses posses
sion of him, and when he releases a
house he reeains possession of it, and
this is bowling old language Of OURS,
isn't it?'
We protest against the folly of this
senseless demand that the money of the
land should be kept in circulation.
That's just the trouble with it; it circu-
lates too fast. Whatwe are trying to do
Is to stop q little of it right at the very
number where the carrier leaves our let
ters.-B Burlington Hawkeye. sasm
"WHAT is home without q wife"
asks the Yonkers Gazette. It is the din
ing.room in the parlor, the coal bin in
the kitchen, the clean shirt in hiding, a
depot for soiled clothes, a trysting place
for divorced stockings, smoking fur
mace, a private pandemonium, cavern
of profane rumblings, lunatic asylum.
More? Sc Lfia ,55sa3saab- affsi< fe
"'UNLEss you give me aid," said a
begzar to benevolent lady, & l am
afraidI shall have to resort to some
thing which I -.eat.y ..s!ike to do"
The lady handed him d dollar and COM
passionately asked :1" What is it, poor
man, that i have saved you fromp
:" Work." was the mournful answer.
A FAMOUS Judge came late to court
One day in busy season,
Whereat his clerk; in great surprise, as g. 4
Inquired of him the reason,
"a child was born, ,, His Honor said
An infant an jadss sss hsPpy sfs oR no. said he.
Gas yet he's but crier.' u 3.
"WoMEN" says literary journal,
=" live on love-" That may all be; but
we notice all that have the pleasure of
our acquaintance 1inger around the
table three times a day and get OH the
outside of an awful lot of beef-steak and
potatoes, as well as other substantial
articles of food Elmrd Sunday Tele-
gram.
1 OTHER papers are busy telling what
they want to see The, Argo has two
wants. First, it wants to see show
which surpasses its advertisement Sec
ondly, it wants, very much, to see q
scribbler who uses q nom de plane, and
don't use every exertion to let the pub
lie know his or her true name. The
Argo will sail good ways to see the
rare and radiant" being who is satisfied
with the chosen nom de plume. iass.s sers
THEcharity balls have been unusually
successful, and in many instances the
poor dress-maker has realized profit'of
$75 on one costume, and the poor tailor
has been scarcely less fortunate, while
the peer florist has had more orders for
$8 boquets than he could fill. and the
poor livery men have had all their car
riages out all night at 50 an hour, aud
the poor cate rer has realized his usual
profit on Jersey cider at champagne
prices. In the meantime we believe the
poor people who don't know how to do
but saw wood and dig bitches
have gone on starving about the same,
but then charity ball can't be expected
to take care of all kinds of poor people.
.Haaokeye. -'' 80"
The Game that Misflred.
A nice young man employed in
cigar-store on King street, Toronto, re-
solved the other day to present his in
tended with a nice pair of boots. He
procured her measure, and
went into one of the fashionable stores
on King street and, purchased 81 pair
of boots. In order to make the present
appear more valuable he marked So (the
of weeks wages, we think
upon the soles OF the boots. The pre-