The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-05-21
funssygraplls.

SPRING halt-May 81, midnight.
PRESSED for time-Mummies
HIGHwAYMEN-Eleyated railway COM
panies.
Ir looked like butterfly. 1t had
wings. He chased it he caught it and
sure enough it was but fly.
SQUIRE" Got your eve in mourning
again, / see, Pat % Pat-"Oi have. It's
in mournin' for the batin' / gave that
brute Rafferty, this day"
A PROMISING youth, about to be chas-
tistd by his father, called upon his
grandfather to protect him from the
supertiuous middleman."
con! Mister, said an old lady after
n bicycle had passed her, "just now l
seed IA wagon-wheel rnnnin away with a
man. You kin believe it or not. l
wouldn't if L hadn't seed it myself"
"MY wife," remarked prominent
manufacturer, "never attends auctions.
She went once, and, seeing friend at
the opposite side of the room, nodded
very politely, whereupon the auctioneer
knocked down a patent cradle, and asked
her where she wished it delivered"
An old lady from New Bedford visited
Boston recently for the first time and,
while viewing the attractions of the pub
lie garden, was pointed out the bronze
statue OF Charles Sumner. "Well, / de-
clare" the old lady remarked, 81 never
knew Sumner was colored man before.
AT crowded French country theater
n woman fell from the gallery to the pit,
and was picked up by one of the specta-
tors, who, hearing her groaning, asked
if she was much injured "Much in
iured !" exclaimed the woman, II should
think | am. l have lost the best seat in
the middle of the front row."
:" Is BUSINESS good q inquired friend
of Newark undertaken. "Business
good?" he reiterated. You bet-two
i'll walnut, two iii rosewood, and three
on ice mt this blessed moment"
TELL us not in mournfu numbers
Life Is but an empty dream,
When mix is seven cents "a quart
And raises mighty little cream.
"AFTERall, remarked the young man,
Swimming lightly over the gravel walk
in the general direction of the front
gate, after all, what boots it?' And
the notwithstanding old gentleman at
the top of the porch steps, with his
spectacles jostled little crooked, said
that If the young man himself didn't
know, he didn't know anybody i'll that
township that did.
SHE had a pretty diploma tied with
pink ribbon, from one of our best young
ladies' colleges. In conversation with a
daring and courageous young man, after
he had detailed the dangers and de-
lights OF riding on locomotive, she
completely upset his opinion of indie
pendent education of the sexes by in
qliiring ''How do they steer locomo-
tives, anyhow"
A LITTLE 5-year-old friend who was
always allowed to choose the prettiest
kitten for his pet and his playmate, be-
fore the other nurslings were drowned,
was taken to his mothers sick-room the
other morning to see two tiny, new twin
babies. He looked refiectively from one
to the other for minute or two, then,
poking his chubby finger into the cheek
of the plumpest baby, he said, decidedly,
"Save this one"
He had been sitting still SO long
that the mother expected to find
HIM asleep when she looked around and
asked, Well, Harry, what are you
thinking OFF" 9" Ma, are we very richy'
he solemnly inquired, by way of reply.
" In one way we are, she said your
father saws he values me at ss3, 900, 600,
you at ~, 900, 900, and the baby Mt ST.
000,0 900" That closed the conversation
on that subject, but next morning, ~
Harry was getting on his overcoat, he
examined the new patch that had been
added, and coolly observed, "Well, /
think father had better sell off about
half of you or the whole of the baby,
and buy the rest of us some decent duls
to put on.