The Russellville Democrat., 1880-10-14
CREAM OF THE MAILS.
Nuggets of Wit and wisdom from Our
 Exchanges.
IN TIE CARE OF PROVIDENCE.

Exchanges.
 IN FpF CARE OF PROVIDENCE.
 When 200 pound man gets into a hammock he commits himself to the care of Providence and puts the largest parts of his trust in the head ropes, hoping that if anything gives way it will be at the other end.-Ne,Cdrk Sun day CaH.
 HOW DOES IT DO IT.
 At the Wentworth house, Newcastle, N. H., there is a dish-washing machine which does the work of ten ordinary women, and is warranted to break no dishes. .-New York Eoening Post. Then how in thunder does it do the work of ten ordinary women?
 FINE PAINTING. / Speaking of painting things so true to nature a Keokllk man painted picket fence so naturally that small boy knocked Q picket off from it, crawled through the aperture thus made and carried of premium watermelon. -keokttk Constitution.
 REQUESTED TO COME FORWARD.
 The gentlemanly caterer at the camp meeting, who charges you seventy-five cents for fifteen cent breakfast, is re- quested to start for the anxious seat" before he is cut of in the midst of his awful sins. We notice that the ministers think he is pass praying for.--Neac HaUen Register.
 PECK SPEAKS.
 Lord Beaconsfield and Qeen Victoria are doing their best to persuade the Baroness Burdett- Coutts to shake Bart lett, the young American who has mashed her, and not marry him. If Mir. Bartlett cannot beat queen and a jack he is not much of an American.- Milt0aukee iSuR.
 YOUNG MAN READ THIS.
 The young man who brides himself that, at least, he is not rustic, dresses beyond his income, smokes nice cigars indulges in high-toned fancy drinks will discover before long that he is color blind Just now he can see that he is infinitely ''greener" than the honest rustic he affects to despise.-NeD HaUela Register.
 MIR. sUBURBAN's LOGIC.
 "Oh, look at that donkey! he's been destroying that hill of corn" exclaimed Mrs. Sububan, in dismay. "Confound himl" said her husband, flinging stick at the animal, Ines eorn-summit asst" The scream that Mrs. S. emitted, pre- vious to going off in faint, frightened the beast more than her husbands stick. Boston Transcript.
 JONES' OBJECT.
 Jones is proud of his wife, and with reason, for Mrs. is pretty as well as smart. She was featuring on remper- ance reform, and got naturally worked uyi as she rehearsed the many things that should be done, but which nobody seemed ready to do. "0h, dearf' she exclaimed, "I wish I were manl' 'I ohiect!" exclaimed Jones, rising from his seat. It brought down the house, Boston Transcript.
 INSTANT RELIEF. An exchange gives the following remedy for earache: "Take small piece of cotton wool, make depression in the center and fill it with pepper; gather it into ball and tie it up; dip 1t into sweet oil and insert in the ear. In- stant relief will follow" Another remedy is to dip a Chinese fire-cracker in nitric acid, put the cracker in the ear and explode it. The acid will pre- pare the ear for the fireworks.-Ne,0 Or leans PicogaGae.
 KNEW WHO WAS THERE.
 Cook here, Matilda" said Galveston lady to the colored cook, you sleep right close to the chicken house, and you must have heard those theives stealing the chickens" "Yes ma'am, I heerd de chickens holler, and heered de voices ob de men," "Why didn't you 20 out, then?" "'Case, ma'am (bursting into tears) ease, ma'am, I knowed my ole ladder was out dar, and l wouldn { hab him know Ise los confidence in him foah all de chickens dats in de world,
 NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY FOOL. It is stated that prominent citizen of Galveston was brought home very late in comatose condition. Ills terrified wife, thinking it was apoplexy, sent for the family physician. The doctor ex amined the patient carefully and then directed that the clergyman pc sent for. In few minutes the spiritual adviser was bending over the couch of the dying man. Finally the clergyman sad:
 "Why he is drunk! that's what's the matter Why am l sent for here at l2 o'clock at nightP"
 Do you suppose" replied the doctor ''that l am going to be the only fool on | Galveston island?"
 That's the story they tell. BOND OF SYMPATHY.
 A man with a erip-sack in his hand halted before Detroit fruit stand and priced choice variety of peaches When told that they were 20 cents 6 dozen he whlstled to himself, walked softly around, and finally asked:
 Are you Baptist"
 Hardly"
 "Neither am l. I didn't know but that if we belonged to the same denom nation you'd throw off little. Do yoJ lean on the Methodists?"
 Can't say that do."
 That's my case. l never did tak' much stock in the MethOdists. Twent, cents dozen is an awful price on thos' peaches, considering how tight none, is. expect you are Universalist eh?'
 "No."
 "Neither am I. Can't you say 10 cent