The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-06-11
VARIETIES.

Jones being told he looked seedy, and
asked what business he was in, replied: "Thc
hard-wear business-look at my wardrobe y
-"What," said an interviewer to candi-
| date, "do you intend to do if you are elect
ed?" MY goodness" said the poor fellow,
| what shall do if am not elected?"
No one has been able to explain why it
is that man feels he is more likely to get up
| in time in the morning by keeping his watch
or clock n quarter of an hour fast.
1t is said that mosquitoes purify the
water in which they live" And perhaps they
also purify the blood on which they live, but
when mosquito is mashed on the wall ii
| doesn't look so.
Pin money is the unknown quantity in
the great problem of life. 1t is very safely
said that TIE amount required depends upon
whether you are accustomed to II diamond
pin or a rolling pin.
| -"What pretty children, and how much
| they look alike" says G., during first visit
| at Il friends house. "They are twins" his
| friend explains. "What, both of 'em 2" eX-
claims c., greatly interested.
| When boy falls and peels the skin off
| his nose, the first thing he does is to get up
and yell. When n girl tumbles and hurts
herself badly, the first thing she does is to
get up and look at her dress,
A doctor attending n punster, who was
very i'll, apologized for being late one day by
| saying that he had TO stop to see man who
had fallen down well did he kick the buc-
ket, doctor?" groaned the punster.
| When the proprietor of seaside hotel
wants little free advertising, he opens n few
bottles of champagne and sends for n few re-
| portcrs to discover sea-Serpent; and the
more champagne the bigger the serpent.
--"I shall find another channel for my ar
ticle," said the author of Il rejected contribu-
ton. "Thats right" was the answer of the
courteous magazine editor; 1.-THE British
channel would be an excellent place for it.
"A loin of mutton was on the table, and
the gentleman opposite took the carver in
his hand. "Shall | cut it saddlewise ?" quoth
he. you had better cut it bridlewise," re.
piled his neighbour "for then we shall all have
u chance to get bit in our mouths"
Ills this my train ?" asked a traveller at
the Kansas Pacific depot of lounger. 81
don't know, but guess not" was the doubt
full reply. 81 see it's got the name of the rail
road company on the side, and | expect it be-
longs to them. Have you lost train any
| whereW
| "A school-teacher, who had just been tell
| ing the story OF David, ended with, And all
this happened over three thousand years ago VI
A little cherub, its blue eyes opening wide
with wonder, said, after a moments thought
ooh dear, marin, what a memory you have
got"
First Merchant-"Well, what's fresh ~
Second Merchant-"Oh, ! think things arc
looking better, people getting on their legs
again" First Notwithstanding SOP" Sec.
ond Merchant mo doubt oft good many
people used to ride, you know-walk now
Ia, Ia"
"A small boy was looking at some scrip
tural engravings, and gazed long and earnest
ly upon representation of Adam and Eve in
their primitive dress. Turning to his moth
er, he asked, "Ma, didn't Adam and Eve veal
any clothes ~ mo, my SON." The lad re-
flected moment and said "Tll bet the mos
quitoes just made them hump themselves
| livclyp
"A New Hampshire woman has husband
who is addicted to joining secret societies.
One of her exasperatcd outbursts is thus re
ported by the Manchester Mirror: "Jine
He'd jne anything. There can'tnothin' come
along that's dark and sly and hidden, but he'll
jine it. If anybody should get up society
to burn his house down, he'd jine it just as
soon as he could get in, and if he had 10 pay
to get in, he go all the suddener."