The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-07-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

A dolefulsound- Island Sound.
narrow escapeA chimney lue.
Where to 90 when short Of money-Go to work,
The weather is settled At last its-ot.
Garfield wishes Cakes Ames had let him loan.
The champion fast man is in New York-Dr.
Tanner.
or all summer clothing the straw hat is at The
head.
"Pcase pass the butter" as imam remarked
when he sent his goat by rail.
The Chicago census has reached 100000, and
is still booming.
He told her to set her day, and she Saturday
for her Weddin's day whitehall Times.
These are the days when fellow feels like do
ing nothing asd keeping at it,
According to the Republicans General Han
cock is a rebel and Longstreet and Mosley are
patriots.
VI, NV is not the biggest on earth and is of
littl luc," said Barnum to a recent caller. lie
wa assessor.
= New Haven Register wants to know If
Scattering" is running for president this year
as usual. IrODtDly NchNci'
Lewis, the republican candidate for congress
in the Peoria district, says he expects to repre-
sent the aristocracy in congress. He doubtless
means the Peoria whisky ring
As G precedes II in the alphabet and A comes
before T. SO Garfield and Arthur will be ahead
OF Hancock and English in the elcction-hdska
kee Ga7ette,
As II in Hayes preccdcs r in Tidcn and W in
Wheeler II in Hendricks-well, no, contoundit,
the rule won't work worth cent.
Nobody has yet invited DR.. Tanner to breakfast
with him after the old lunatic shall have been
without food for forty days and nights.
Clergyman: OF course croquet Is gambling
game Don't you know you can't play without
putting up STANDARDIZATION Post.
Garfield is the first man since Adam who start
ed full grown. An exchange said recently that
he "began his life as a laboring man who worked
for wages"
If the President OF the United States felt in pro-
portion to his place as big as a policeman in his
new uniform, he'd grow round. shouldered trying
to dodge the clouds.
Deuced queer how men differ about different
brag Of il for three days, and when he hooks
lot Of apples he hasn't word to say about IT,.
Verse from an old Puritan hymn:
MY soul is but a rusty lock-
Lord, oil it with thy grace;
And rub 1t, rub 1t, rub 1t, Lord,
Until see thy face"
Eli Perkins went to see Hancock and found
him occupying piece OF government ground
which, If cut up into city lots, would be worth
Sl5,OO0,OOO. What a shame!
Wisconsin man who has just recovered from
lung fever thinks it was caused by catching cold
in the army sixteen years ago, and therefore APP
plies for pension.
One OF the saddest results OF the Grant collapse
is the sudden blightiHg Of those three promising
young statesman Bob Lincoln, Steve Douglas
and the hopeful Fredde-says Democratic ex-
change
An old lady in Yorkville, with several unmar-
Iied daughters feeds them on fish diet because
II is rich in phosphorus, and phosphorus is the
essential thing for making matches.
NO." said Phiadelpha undertaken, ''bu.i-
ness has not revived as il sh ould. What we need
in this country to make things boom is the chol-
era, yellow fever, or some other epidemic"
An Ohio woman owed her hired man $500.
She squared the debt by marrying him. She
then got a divorce for eco, clearing s2G0 by the
operation. They are mighty cute in Ohio.
The amount Of money now in the United
States, Is estimated at q, l04, 0oo, 900. THIS 10
ssesE1EnH9 r, e1RIKu nan. womae. and chiA q