Louisiana capitolian., 1880-06-19
A BOON TO MARRIED MAN.
AN INGENIOUS INVENTION WHICH SAVES
MANY CURTAIN LECTURES.
Cincinnati ENQUIRER.

Cincinnati Enquirer.
Miraculous inventions are the order of
the day. Even Edison has been
surpassed by genius who has invented
what is called married Mans Indi-
Gator 1t is wonderfully sensitive ar.
rangement of the ordinary thermometer
pocket size, and is graded to a scale of
cabalistic marks, which show the exact
state of the domestic atmosphere at any
hour of henight. The hard-worked and
belated husband arrives home, say at
midnight. He takes out his indicator
thrusts it in the keyhole, and leaves it
there for few seconds. Pulling it out
quickly, he scans the dial by the moon
lights fitful cleaning. If it marks $. A..
(sonnd asleep the poor husband pulls
off his boots noiseless! !y, uses his night
key with bated breath, gives the door a
quick shove to keep it from creaking,
steals tremblingly to bed, and when his
dear little wifey wakes up about two
seconds afterward and wants to know
how long he has been home, he is so
sound asleep that GabrieFs trumpet
could not wake him.
If the indicator scores a., A. c., B.
D. X. w. r. (awake, awful cross, but
does not know what time it is }, the hus
band puts few more grains ofcoffee in
his mouth; opens the door boldly; walks
in with slam bang air, hits his foot in
tentionally against a chair; wants to
know why the devil the chairs amt kept
out of the way; gets desperately mad on
general principles; scares his wife clear
out of her crossness and intended cur
taIn-lecture; refuses to let her get up
and strike a match--never did like
light at night, nohow; remarks grutily
in response to a timld inquiry that its
about twenty-five minutes past 49, and
then turns into. bed in such an appal-
entity awful state of mind that the wife
Of his bosom is afraid to speak TO him
at which he is very sad, of course.
There are numerous o.her marks Oh
the Indicator, showing just where it
viii do to play the lodge dodge or the
sick friend; or been standing on the
corner talking with so-and-so for more
than an hour or general or honorable
this or that from you know where. was
in town, and bad to 90 away on the 2
O'Clock train, and be insisted so strongly
that the whole party stayed up to see
him off, although it was great bore,
and we only did it through courtesy
But the most aw!nlly awful of all the
cabolstc signs on the dial is the one at
the top, about two marks above boiling
point. When the weary husband comes
home about 4 A. NJ, from the direction of
the butcher shop, with roll Of meat
held high i'll the air, so that every one he
passes cannot fail to see it, and sticks
the indicator in the keyhole, he is al
NEST too weak to draw it out. With
hair on end ho reads it by the faint light
streaming IN upon him from the eastern
hills, and sweat breaks out on his noble
brow in drops as large as walnuts, as he
sees tao bulb Of tho Indicator jammed
smack up against II. II. S. II. w. i. Y. |
J. L i. d. (red hot and still heating
and waiting foryou just inside the door
The inventor of the instrument says that |
when this terrible misfortune overtakcs |
q man he feels that there is nothing left
in this world worth living for, and ap-
preciates the fall force of those beauti-
fnl lines:
'This world is all q feoting show,
For mans deusion givcn.''
He Sings the meat ont into the yard,
and braces himself for the coming fray.
but says nothing for nothing can be said,
BE he ever SO gifted liar, bis accom-
plishment is more than valueless.
No lodge, no sick friend, no talk
ing on the corner, no sitting
up to see the general off, no swear
ing that he will never do it again
in fact, nothing will avail. 1t is an
indcfensible cause. He is
caught in fiagrante dclicto. Even the
ghastly gayety with which, two hours
previous, he had said to the boys that
he GUESSED he'd see it ont n0w-might
as well be killed for asleep as a lamb-
had all vanished. The indicator having
tola him the exact situation of things he
knows just what to do, and that is moth.
ing, but get into bed at once ard wrap
the drapery of his couch about him, pull
the pillow over his ears, and wait for his
wife's bleath to give ont. It's awful
whileit lasts, but it has its use in reiev-