Daily Los Angeles herald., 1880-11-17
SHAMELESS SHAMS.
Sham Generals, Sham Coloaels, Sham CAP.
tains, Sham Judges Sham Everything.

Thirty years ago the sharp pen
of Charles Dickens pricked the
bubble of American titles and
made our militia &c nerals,n cor.
Der-grocery "Judgrs" and rowu
Council "HonoraOiesn as ridicu
lOus as our spittoons aud our dollar
aristocracy. But before the title
nuisance could be quite laughed
out of existence, the war trans
formed all our people into soldiers.
We Know from tie official records
that million Of high privates en-
listed on both sides during the wal;
but the slaughter Was terrible, anu
not u single private soldier escaped
alive. All the survivors are Off
GERS, and although, perhaps, few Of
them could show their cOmm s.
si0us, they take every possible OPP
pOrtuuity Of airing their rank. Iu
istOcratic COUNTRIES the titles are
hereditary. but iu this country
they are infectious. Abroad, the
sou Of u Lord becomes his Lord.
ship when his father dies; but in
this free Republic one title geuer-
ates another NJ fast as dles the sun.
When the head of " family b..
comes q Judge or a General, ali
the boys are dubbed CoIouels, or
Me- brs, or COm mOdOres, 70 as to
keep up with the Old gentlem At,
whose brothers and law
straightway confer upon them
selves titles Of honor aud distIuc.
ton, in order that the original
Judge or General may not eclipse
them by the brilliancy of his pre-
tx. THUS IL happens that this
Democratic Republic Is now IN
habited aim Ost exclusively by men
OF title. Generals, C0ionels AMI
Majors are rs plentiful az cranber.
rIes, aud every Oody cut Of .il-and
u ma ority OF those insile-is con.
sidered All "Hou Four Generals,
only one of whom has u genuine
claim t. the title, lately ran for
President, and the Lists Of carnpai n
speakers showed SO many "Hnnor-
ables" supporting these candidates
that, II there be anything In u
name, the perfect Integrity of all
political parties ought tn be thor
0ughly insured.
The proposition that only those
who have earned their title shou ID
wear them Is self-evideut; but
while we may discover real SOL
disrs contentsd to be plain "Mr., !"
now that they have been mustered
out OF service, we see Thousands of
men, who are citizens iu War anu
soldiers in peace, strutting about
with military handles to their
names. These soda-water "COIo.
neIs," all izz aud cork, manage
our thsaters, direct our operas aud
run our circuses. England sends
US q militia "Colonel" to give US
Italian opera aud reciprocate with
an American "COlonel" Of negro
mi nstreis. Military officers are
the landlords of our hotels; n
"Major" mixes our drinks behind
the bar. and a esquire" attends to
the boot-blacking department. All
the editors who are not "ColOnels"
are "Hons." To some A meric ats
you may be bold enough to deny II
prelim nary title but to address any
body y letter without the sfhx OF
"Esq" would be- regarded as per-
sonAl insult-the smaller the social
position Of ths person addressed
the greater the insult, Of course.
rhus titles which, honestly won
and honestly worn, would do equal
honor to those who bear aud thosr
who respect them, are cheapened
by bogus limitations and become
iudicrOus instead Of distinguished.
AS regular officers are anxious
to get out OF uniform aud into
multi as soon as they are OFT dnty,
30 those who have u right to titles
are beginning to discard them,
while the bogus bearers q 'urisl'
more and more obtrusively, like
the raw militia captain on his FIRST
training day. We observe, Also,
an organised system Of self promo
ton among these sham aristocrats
One parsonage, whose card bore the
proud but modest title OF Major five
years ago, has just returned from
Europe y full Colonel, although he
has never seen service since Bull
Run. With steady deviation t.
duty and q new card ramp, Thu
typo Of his class will becom, gen
erai by the time the next Newport
season opens. There are no "Cor
por.ls," aud, outside OF the police
no "ssfGeants" among etar eivillAi