The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-12-31
VARIETIES.

! Young housewife: "What miserable lit
tie eggs again You really must tell them
Jane, to let the hon set on them little lon
ger"
Bluff old gentleman "Are you Tho
porter promised glass of ale to the mex
| time | came down the line?" Porter
"Well, sir, feel as how it ought to be me, any.
how. "-London Judy.
"A little girl, a few days SINCE addressing
her sister, asked: "What was the chaos pr
was reading about to-day?" To which the
latter replied: "Twas great pile of moth,
ing, and no place to put it in"
The spelling refUrmers have decided thai
ocean should be spelled "oshun," but ses
| sickness will make man wish he was dead
just the same as if the old-fashioned ortho-
graphy was keptup.
When man takes bad hat from hote
dining room and leaves q good one, he cal
generally lie out of it; but to be always get
ting new hats for old ones will bring suspicion
even upon an honest politician.
"A good story is told of a country woman
who received dispatch later than she expect
ed at must have been delayed on the road,
said she, 81 knew the wires were busy to-day
for heard them working as l came along
Doctor my daughter seems to be going
blind, and she's just getting ready for her
wedding too. Oh dear, what's to be done ~
Let her go right ON with the wedding, madam
by all means. If anything can open her eyes
marriage will"
"A man in the cars missed his handker-
chief, and rather broadly insinuated that his
neighbor, an Irishman, had it. Finding it in
his hat he began to apologize "Niver mind"
said Pat, twas double mistake you took
me for thafe, took you for gintleman ?'
"A farmer, writing to a friend to whom
he felt under obligations for introducing q
variety of swine, thus unbosomed himself
Respected sir-I went yesterday to the fair
at Monson. l found several pigs of your
species There was great variety of beasts,
and was astonished at not seeing you there. "
The late Daniel Drew originated the
term, "watered stock" He was q drover in
early life, and one day when party desired
to sell him some inflated stock said: "That
stock makes me think of old Farmer Brooks
up in Put" who used to salt and water his
stock to make his cattle weigh heavy when
he sold themw The broker told the story
in the street, and it became an adage.
An old New Jersey farmer read an item
in paper, not long since, to the effect that
Secretary Sherman was breaking ground for
n handsome house in Washington. There
Sarah" he said to his wife, that's the man
we want for President. You see he amt too
proud to dig out his own cellar, and yum il
ington an help him with his garden Sass OF
my name amt Ezekiel Post"
-"What is your profession, trade, or oc-
cupation ?" asked the municipal judge of a
woe-begone looked individual, who had been
found in very incbriated condition on the
evening previous.
81 am an author, your honor"
can author?" repeated the judge; what
works do you claim authorship OFF,"
"Chiefy, am the author of my own mis-
fortunes, your honor replied the prison
cr.
"A sad looking man went into n Burling-
ton drug store. Can you give me" he ask
ed, something that will drive from my mind
the thoughts of sorrow and bitter recollec-
TOM" And the druggist nodded and put
him up little dose of quinine and worm
wood, and rhubarb and epson salts and q
dash of castor oil, and gave it to him, and
for six months the man couldn't think OF
anything in the world except new schemes
for getting the taste out of his mouth.
Mr. O'Dwyer rents shanty on Calves
ton avenue from old man Chrysler, n prom,
inent citizen. Yesterday Chrysler called in
to collect the rent, and O'Dwyer showed him
over the house complaining of its inconve'
niences Said O'Dwyer Mishter Chrysler
your house is intoirly too low on the ground
to be healthy, the caleings are too low and
the door amt high enough" "Mr. O'Dwyer,'
said Chrysler, "is there anything about this
house that is high enough to suit you ~
"Indadc there is" "What is it ?" 1.-THE rent
be jabcrs &c alceston Neaos.