Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1880-01-08
HUMOROUS.

1
the telegraph Office and said TO tn
receiver Of messages that she desire
to telegraph her husband, who was i
Chicago, for money. He pointed he
to the counter supplied with blank
aud told her the rate for ten words. Sh
struggled away for q quarter Of an hour
and then handed In the following:
"Won't you please sent me ten dol
lars by next mail 7"
~ don't know whether that will d.
or NOT, !" she said as she felt for he
money. III you were to receive suol
dispatch from your wife would yor
forw ard the money 2"
"Wsll--well, might, he replied II
doubtful tones.
snow you wait don't like thu
despatch at all, because tried to keeE
1t within ten words. I'll write an
other"
She tore II up, walked over TO The
counter, and In three minutes handed
In a new one, reading:
"Am out OF food and fuel, and want
ten dollars as soon as you can get II
here If you cant spare 1t I'll Spout
the parlor carpet ~
"That would bring the money from
me-" said the receiver as he read the
lines and marked the number Of words.
"Then l guess It will from him.
Send II along, and II / don't get the
money inside Of two days you'll hear
somebody ripping up forty yards Of
Brussels carpet OF the floor. "-"Frse
Press"
A prominent Republican leader was
seen standing near the arch which the
city is erecting in front of lndepend-
ence Hall, struggling for smile where-
by to express bis sense Of the maj esty
Of that noble structure. sgt looks, "
said he, while the Precipitation sood
thick upon his contracted brow, sit
looks like-yes, 1t looks like the
like the d." and as he CROPPED
wildly round for the figure that he
sought, q friend, seing his dilemma,
rushed up to him and whispered, "the
arch fiendl" "Saved! Savedl" he
shrieked, as he vanished into the
Sheriff's office.
A gentleman who tried TO make the
neigh borhood Of Astoria and the mouth
of the Columbia river his home, has
written the following report with re-
gard TO the weather he has experienced;
the lines are not inapplicable to the
conditions Of the seasons in England oil
iate-Dirty days hath September
April, June and November, from Jan
nary up to May the rain 1t raineth
every day; from May again up to July
there's not dry cloud in the sky; all
the rest have thirty-one, without q
blessed ray Of sun; and, II any of them
had two-and-thirty, they'd be just as
wet and quite as dirty.
A Long Island Dutchman, in reading
an account OF meeting in New York
city, came to the words. "The meet.
ing then dissolved" He could not de.
fine the meaning Of the last, so he re-
ferred to his dictionary, and felt salts
fed. In few minutes friend came
In, when the Dutchman said. "Dey
must have very hot wedder in New
York. Iret an agount of meeting
we're all the peoples had melted away"
An English undergraduates at exam.
nation, on being told to report the
parable Of the Good Samaritan, thus
did it: "A certain man journeyed from
Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among
thieves" Then he stopped. go on,
SIR" said the examiner. "And-"
And whatS "Go on, SIR" "And the
thieves sprang up and choked him I"
triumphantly ended the youth.
NOW, SIR" said the Judge, "be
good enough to tell the jury what you
know about this important case" ~
don't know anything about it," said
the witness, blandly. "Don't knew
anything about it? Then why did you
have yourselfsummoned as a witnessS"
$50 as to get good seat where ! could
hear and see everything - tickets
weren't to be had for love or money"
Tommy had finished saying his pray
ers, the other night, and was sitting on
the bed, with his arms clasped around
his knees, when he interrupted the
nurse in this wise; MARY, why do
we always say amen why don't we
sometimes say sheep, a horse; a dog,
cow 7" He was tucked in with the
remark that. curiosity led to the fall Of
our first parents, and he wentto sleep
puzzled, like many another religious
inquirer, who has beeh graphing with
subjects beyond his comprehension.
A young lady who had been married
little ever aysar wrote to her matter
of fact old father, saying, "Ws have
the dearest little cottage in the world /;
ornamented with the most charming
little creepers you ever saw" The old
man read the letter, and exclaimed,
Twins, by thunder !"-"Keokuk Con-
stitutiOn."
A railroad clerk in Southern depot,
who had been annoyed beyond endu-
rance by inquiries as to whether that
was the right time" placed the follow
ing placard under the clock: "This is
a clock--it is running-it is Cincinnati
time--it Is right-it is set every day at
10 o'clock-now keep your mouth
shut"
A three year-old little girl was taught
to close her evening prayer, during the
temporary absence Of her father, with !:
"And please watch over my papa" 1t
sounded very sweet, but the mothers
amazement may be imagined when the
child added: "And you'd better keep
an eye on mamma, too. New York
STAR
"some more cheese, please" said a
small boy Of eight to his papa at din
nsr. "No, my child,n was the reply