The Russellville Democrat., 1880-04-15

l iNDSAs~ shS SoAa VI thS scoSoa
 Messrs. Tilden, Hendricks, Seymour, Bayard, Hancock, Thurman, Jewett and friends,
 And beg leave to request the pleasure ofthsir l company
 ., On Tuesday. June P, 1880; 1 R.S. F.P. Cincinnati Enquirer. LOVELY WOMAN. When woman hears strange news, l What form of speech so efiacious, | To give expression to her yiews, | As this plain English-"G Goodness graciousl | And when she hears tail of woe offriendswhove lost good name or money 1 How can she sorrow better show 1 Than remarking--"Ainti 1t funnyY' PUSH BROTHERS.
 Push, brothers, push with care. Push the IA to the 15 square; The to the and you've got 1t there;
 But the b and the IA they will stick there. Push brothers, push with care, Till your minds are all in a ju mbie and you | tsar your hair. World
 THE BOOM. The man who invented boom" should be flung in cold, dark room, And over his head blanket spread. Asa hint of his coming doom. | Philadelphia Chronicle Two-FACED CHILD. A child with two faces-one where the back of the head ought to be-was re- gently born in Ohio. Thus is another long felt want supplied. A race of wo- men with eyes 80 arranged that they can see, without turning the head, what the woman who had just passed has on, has long been needed in this scountry.-Phiia- delphid Chronicle.
 DON'T SHOOT, When Boston man out in Leadville got into row with desperado, the lat ter drew revolver, and the Boston man cried, Don't shoot"
 "Oh, ye don't want me to shoot. eh2' shrieked the rough.
 "No, don't shoot; you may break a window"
 The desperado put up the pop.-Boston Post.
 TIE DEM ToGEDDER
 They had their usual evening quarrel as they sat by their hearth. On one side lay quietly blinking dog, and on the other a purring cat, and the old wo- man pleaded with her growling husband.
 "Yust look at dot gat und dat tog; dey nefer gwarrels nor fights lik us."
 "Yah," said the old growler, "I knows dot but yus tie dem togedder one time, und den you see wot!"
 CALM DELIGHT.
 There is one boy in this city, says the Rochester Democrat, whose bosom is | filled with q pure and calm delight. For some offense, his father took his sled away from him in the early part of the | Ixrsyxt u,ith tho haf ka uH not have it again until another season, friend that "this warm weather was the best rig on the old man he had ever heard of"
 WHAT SHE BOUGHT.
 Just three weeks after the boy was born, the pale, fond mother, all trembl- ing with delight, went down into the main street of the city, near which she lived, and she bought for him an accor- deon, triangle, a pair of scissors, box of paints, book of poetry, a cat with six kittens, wax man with barrel or gan and monkey, and, taking them be- fore his father, said: "Now, darling, there is something that will amuse you nights" s."-Hrald ?. l. 1 THE BICYCLE
 In the glaring light of the monday sun, bicycle looks as harmless and as facinating as a caged anaconda, but when the two-wheeled thing silently and swiftly scoots by timid pedestrian, late at night, he involuntarily shudders, draws himself up into the smallest pos sible compass and clings to a fence for support, and not until the internal ma chine has turned the next corner and disappeared in the darkness does he re. alize what it was that scared him. Hackeasack Republican.
 AN ANTR-BELLUM POKER STORY REToLD.
 On one of the steamers that plowed the waters of the Mississippi in days gone by, quiet party was deeply i'm mersed one evening in the mysteries oi that somewhat uncertain game called poker. One of the party, colonel, ol judge, or major-history does not record which--in fit of abstraction took tho four aces from the pack with which thu game was being played and laid them or his knee. The game progressed, and tho colonel almost "raised" his antagonist. out of their boots. When the draw came he threw away his legitimate Ave cards, called for one, and reached for the hNCh OH kHcC. 1DCy WtAC BohS Rising he cried in tones of virtuous in dignation:
 "Gentlemen, this thing has gone fal enough. There's cheating going or around this table,"
 HE ExTINGUIsHED HIM.
 The other evening, at a little dinne party, one of the guests, the younger brother of an English nobleman, ex pressed, with comendable freedom, hi opinion of America and it's people.
 "I do not altogether like your country. said the young gentleman, flor on' reason, because you have no gentr. here"
 What do you mean by gentry" aske' another of the company. Well, you know" replied the En glishmen. "well-oh, gentry are thos who never do any work themselves, anc whose fathers before them never di' any"
 ] An" exclaimed the interlocutol "then we nave plenty of gentr in America; but we don't call then gentry-we call them tramps." A laugh went around the table, am the young Englishman turned his con versatian into another channel