The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-01-09
QUIPs.

SHAkE, ab TIC ucuiCiho Ooeeio ooiA
to the invalid.
A -Thirty-six inches of
black Grape.
If women had the ballot, what would
she do with it? 1t isn't long enough for
belt or big enough for hustle.
How RAPIDLY a man loses all interest
in politics and national finance when
he shuts the door on his own thumb.
PREcocIoUs boy (munching the fruit
of the date tree)-" Mamm,a if / eat
dates enough will grow up to be an
almanacp
LITTLE JOHNNIE says "Talk about
your patent base-burning stoves, my
mas old slipper is hot enough base
burner for me-"
WILL the coming man walk? II he
will he is liable to be murdered in cold
blood on the first lap, amid cheers Of
the entire country.
NOTE from the diary of swell: 81
have observed that my habiss are very
elastic in one direction; l suspect l
could live up to almost any income"
"MY darling" said he, "what de-
licious taste your lips have" Then she
sprung up and yelled: Goodness,
John, have you been eating my lip
salve?"
PRoFEssoR-"Now,I ask you, as a
practical miner, what spade do you
think il the very best?" Three-year
man (scornfully)-"Why, the ace, of
course"
The GalvestOn NelCs says that
Shakespeare was married when he was
10, Dante at %, Brigham Young. when
he was IS, 10, 20, 21, %, 23, "a and so
on.
GovERNEss-"N Jack, if I were to
give twelve pears to Maude, ten to
Edith, and three to you, what would 1T
be?" Jack (aged 6)-"It wouldn't be
fair"
A MAN who sat up four nights wrest-
ling with it asks this conundrum:
"What is the difference between sail
or and a fireman." Now, hold your
breath. "One plows the water, and the
other hose the water"
The English nobility must certainly
be very dirty set of people. 1t is
stated that the Duke of Portland has
thirty farms on his hands, and Lord
Willoughby has thirteen. Why don't
they wash themselves?
Il NEW use has been found for many
youths headpiece the utility of
which has heretofore been questiona-
BILE. 1t is discovered that young mems
heads are primarily intended to keep
their neckties from slipping off.
A WOMAN who was called as witness
in an assault case tried in the Edin-
burgh police court recently, on being
asked by the magistrate what was the
profession of her husband, answered,
promptly, "My husband is bankrupt,
sir"
"MARIA," observed Mr.. Holcomb as he
was putting on his clothes, "there amt
no patch on them breeches yet" Ct
can't fix it now; I'm too busy" "Well,
give me the patch, then, an I'll carry it
aroun1 with me. 1 don't want people
to think can't afford the CLOTH
CURATE-" morning, Curley: I
hope you are getting better now?"
Artisan-"Yes, master, thankee. 1 am
saving up" Curate-"I am glad to
hear that. How much have you saved?"
Artisan have got penny master,
and 1 am saving it till get another;
then am going to have pint. "-Lon-
dom Punch.
A WITNESS IN case at Nashville was
asked whether he had much experience
in and knew the cost of feeding cattle,
and to give his estimate of the cost of
feeding COW, to which he replied:
"My father before me kept dairy. 1
have had great deal of experience in
buying and selling and keeping cattle,
as man and boy, in the dairy business
for fifty years. / think my long expert
ence has qualified me to know as well
as any man can the cost of keeping and
feeding CATTLE" "Well," broke in the
attorney, impatiently, "tell me the cost
of keeping cow" "Well, sir, my ex-
periepce, after fifty years in the bust
ness, is that it costs-well, it depends
entirely on how much you feed the
cow"
A Reporters Luck.