The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1880-07-02
Well s.posted"-The TELEGRAPH

M to beat.-Billings.
sht When you elont't know is oleomagarine II
,ut beautiful !; when you do-O z
er- yellow. ,saysthe New York Herald, is yer,
OF fashionable, especially i'll beer.
~ 4 lady recently ectured on g Burns,
- bl,t failed to tell what would cure 'em.
mr. The alteration i'll old buildings in thi
,ts city results in great deal of "shop lifting
IT. This legend appears on a wagon at til
South End: ss.J. Brown, smoked and pieklet
in fshdealer ;"
en- The presence of the red spider in hot
H. house is said to be asure Indication that thu
If air is kept to dry.
The Oil City Derrick says that many a
u young girls life has been wrecked on the
waves of her handkerchief.
- Tbs Syracuse Herald family complains
, because there is no clause III the game law
: to prevent house-hunt,ng.
ts According statistician Of the n. Y. Mail
=, the profits ona glass of sotla-wstter ID
is about five thousand per cent.
r. fla boy doesn't go to school and learn
= to read, he won't peruse dime novels and
: develop an ambition to be pirate.
:, There are seven colored lawyers in Boston
e six of whom are in active practice. One is
. graduate of Harvard Law School.
False steps have been made often and
everywhere, but false insteps are the work
ofonly fashionable New York shoemaker
The best whistler in New York city ia
said to he young lady. She can stop
horsc-car four blocks off, and even the boys
wnotwhistle on their fingers are nothing to
her. eng
The veterinary surgeons of Greece wres-
tied with the erizootic Az years before
Christ, Truly there is nothing new under
the sun. la=tz= EE3
The nursery men are busy out of doors
at this season, and 50 are the nursery maids,
i iudging from the number Of children on the
| Common. anna --....4 a.. s.-=.-...I= 5
/ At this period of the year recording angel
closes his book and goes Oft ON vacataoh
until, the last carpet has been whipped and
the last tack driven.
| 'sJohn, how many times have told you
always to cat bread with your meat? a.
pa, how many times have you told me never
two things at atime:" 8"
Miss Mary Travis a lady one hundreo
wears of age, was recently baptized in Eng
land, fact without parallel i'll the history
of the English church.
Prof. Geo. p. Fisher says that every
theologian should read as often as once
week the thirteenth chapter of the First
Epistlc to the Corinthians.
4 fashionable divine who breaches to an
exceedingly aristocratic co aggregation IN
New York. has been nicknaEied ''Ihe
Prophet to the Genteels. y
Said his valet to "A defeated candidate for
Office: sSince Monsieur has not the conR-
dence of his electors, cannot give hlm
mine and give notice to leave at once. .s
The girl puzzle is the latest. iteonslstsan
putting anavcrage girl i'll front OF me F'D-
bon counter of a dry goods store, ana nav
ing her find the particular shade she lsaIter.
Charles Reatlc is 66, and looks Ike
midde-aged French gentleman. lie mas
bright face, a strong, vigorous glaneee OIL tne
eve. and wears full beard. His head IL
slightly bald.
desire to write upon subject which had
never been written upon, and never would
again. You have only to write your own
ealogy,' said Piron.
A green bay tree may be a aourishing
specimen of the vegetable kingdom; oG'
when it comes TO green bay horse attached
to street car, the fiourshing is not apt to
excite admiration.
Miss H., who has chosen medicine an q
profession, to Professor, who has given the
class an ox's heart to dissect: so, Professor
can't.we have forks to handle 1t with ~
- Vassar Miscellany.
Professor-'' The ascent Vesuvius is ex-
rremely dangerous, and it is necessary to
very careful. The mules 60 up quite easily
Fresh-men-"Whe you made the ascent,
did you go up easily 2" .-+.=
Every thing in nature INDUCES In amuse
ment. The lightning plays, the wind 1Rhis-
Ties, the thunder rolls, the snow flies, the
waves leap, and the fields smile. Even the
buds shoot and the rivers run.
ssDisorderlv conduct in the case of those
whose dress and social connections entitle
them to be called gentlemen, is eupiioni-
ously styled ssharmless vivacity y''-and Ed
ison didn't invent that, either. Y Mail
A painter. to mis- 5naid-seryaDt: "Mal-
heureuse, the porter has carried away my
picture to the salon. 1t wasn't yet finish
ed Monsieur may rest easy as to that.
We gave it a few little strokes before send
ng it.''
A country parson, jolly and witty, met
1is neighbor, the doctor, and called him
lear brother. :" Dear brother?' said tho
loctor, in astonishment. "Why, of course
when we are called to sick bed, don't we
both help the invalid to die?''
tsNo, never minee Matters cried the
antllady, tossing her head. "For Heavens
sake, marin, beseechingly asked the tim
ID boartlcr, while his forkfll Of hash trem-
bled like Mallomet's coffin In mid-air, "for
Heaven sake, what do you mince?"
This is the time of year when the indus
trious young man gets up very early every
morning and take; q walk, or read history,
,r do something awfttIly commendable. and
hen oversleeps himself, and islate to bust
ness twenty days in the month.
The Greenport Watchman asks, Have
Fou a strawberry bed2'' s'No, sir; most
VIC have not. Ours is made
Of feathers. We can't tafford to lie on bed
If strawberries when its impossible to glance
1t them for less than seventy-fiye cents.'
". y. Et.
When tramps come TO a New Hampshire
house and ask for bread, she
loesn't yell for the tiog-she iaee
ays; "Yes. :i;ast goto the trough, and wash
yourselves, and then I'll give you some din
ler.n Amlthen they trot off :ls fart M their
egs can carry them.
A gentleman told one Of his friends that
or an eternity his wife had denied to be
more than twenty mine years ofage. stMy
wife is more reasonable, said the friend;
] have atlast persuaded herfobe thirty
VIC, but have never been able to coax her
long any further