Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1880-09-09

pCu pOllCSHlAn dHu WIZ nun w HNiiy
up and come along, IA there was
tramp at his house who refused to
leave. The policeman suggested that
owing to the distance and con-
ditiOn of the other party they had
better take street-car. 'Take-a- street.
ear. Pay ten cents TO ride! Why, the
tramp will 90 off himself for nickle.
Why, bile my lights and liver, If you
ainJ worse than the tramp! Since
when have they put highway robbers
on the police? Ten cents! For ten
cents piece I'll furnish the city with
all the tramps they want"
GwENDoLNE-"Wh this | hear,
Bertie--you were betting at Ascot, and
Gwendoline lost heavilyr" Albert
well but told me to bet.; GwendOline-
"Oh, Berthe !" tdn't you say
you would spare me from your garden
party. and | was To 90 to Ascot ahd
back?' GwendOline -"Well, SIR"
and so did. 1 went
and backed the favorlIe, and didn't
winw Shewas not satisfied, but she
forgave him.
HAVE you muzzled your dog? We
have not. And what is more, we are
not going to. The dog never bit any
body, and he don't like muZzling any
more than we do. How would you
like to go round from now till
election with an iron muZzle on
you? Besides, we have no dog.
A GENTLEMAN about sailing for
Europe, in response to aquestion, said
he intended to Ego by Ancient
bologna" An old lady who overheard
him, said he was very foolish TO go so
far TO buy old bologna, when he could
get plenty of IL In this country.
LITTLE GERTIE went with her neither
to see Madame Tousand's wax works.
AfCer locking about curiously, as If she
were trying to find out something and
could not, she said: "Why do they
call them wax works, mamma? They're
wax, but they don't work"
IN DAKOTA, during the summer
months, IL is not dark until ten O'Clock
+. NJ. E, which renders counting on the
front steps at night a hollow mOckery;
but young man can go to see a girl
seven nights week without running
up ga bill.
$50. you are going to keep school,"
said young lady TO her old maid aunt.
"Well, for my part, sooner than do
thar, | would marry wIdOwer with
nine childreasA 81 should prefer that
myself" was 80 quiet reply; "but
where is the wid6Ser?"
A COUNTRY newspaper out West thus
heads its report OF fire: Feast OF
the Fire Fiend-'Ehe Forked- Tongued
Demon Licks with It's Lurid Breath
Lumbe: Pile-Are the Scenes of Bos-
ton to lie Repeated ?-Loss $50 Dol
lars :"
MASTER JACK: Chow often are the
clothes washed, Emma?' Laundry
Maid-"Once Il week, Master Jack"
Master Jack-"Only once a week
Then the clothes are much luckier
than sis and me, II that's all the wash
ing they get"
WHY is dog that was refused eXhib-
ition at the dog show on account o:
lameness like sheet of blotting paper?
Becluse'a Jane dog is slow pup, and
slope up Is an inclined plane, and a
ink-llned plane is sheet OF blotting
paper.
EITHER we must make the ocean
wider or the steamship narrower.
Something must be done to enable two
ships to pass without going through
each other. Society kind Of demands
1t, and the comfort of the passengers
seconds the demand.
"TALK about your boat races" said
an old sport at the Washington fiZZle,
or yoHr horse races. or your prize lzhts,
or your base ball; give me an old
fashioned cock fight. There's game
there"
A COUNTY exchange unfeelingly re-
marks: 1.-THE small boy will soon Be
holding himself together at the equa-
tor in acknowledgment of the subtle
power Of the green apple"
A GENTLEMAN in lecturing for a
blind asylum began by gravely re-
marking, "lf all the world were blind,
what melancholy sight it would be"
PATRICK dressing for aparty): "B"-
dad now, and / shan't be able to git on
these boots till I've worn them tonne
or twO."
ST. LOUIS girls says that those of
Chicago never have shoes that are
mates, be 'Puse OF the difficulty
of fading two sides of leather alike.
SOME one describes the opera rs that
sort of music where "they squeal and
go up, and then choke and come down"
IF YOU lose your breath don't run to
catch it; you can catch 1t sooner by
st lnding still.
THE man who went on fools erraud
was probably performing one of his
own commissions.
IT is a strange thing in art that an
actress must learn to paint before she
can draw.
Jones finds drinking like fish
makes his head swim.
THE mule always puts his best foot
backward.
THE butcher who trusts loses flesh.
@@mMmn4an1u11n4HaHG@ -
A Busy Life.
The Worlds Dispensary at Buffalo,