The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-10-19

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cate and delightful tonic hair dressing
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OF petroleum contains no minerals or
other artificial coloring matter. 1t
restores the hair by imparting new life
and vigor to the roots.
THERE Is u story that the Duke Of
| Argyll and the Duke of Sutherland
were once travelling together by rail,
the carriage. The new conner took his
share In general conversation till one
| OF the peers got out at a station. The
commercial traveller then asked his
companion II he knew who the party
was, and enlightened exclaimed, 'Dear
me was that really the Duke Of?
just think of his talking in that there
| affable way to a couple Of little cads
like you and me ~
A SAD looking man went into Bur-
ltngton drug store. "Can you give
me,'' he asked, "something that will
drive from my mind the thoughts Of
sorrow and bitter recollections And
the druggist nodded and put him up
little dose Of quintne, and wormwood,
and rhubarb, and epson salts, and a
dish of castor oil, and gave it to him,
and for six months the man couldn't
think Of anything in the world except
new schemes for getting the taste out
of his mouth.
THREE Irishmen. who dug ditch for
"a, were quite at a loss to know how to
RI wiz hny -
| the number had gone to school, and
reached division in the arithmetic, 30
it was left to him. He did it at once,
saying: cts asy enough. Sure,
there's two for you two, and there's
| two for me, tUo.' Tho two received
their portion with greatly increased
| respect for the advantage which learn
ing gives to man.
A SACRAMENTO g.ri was guilty Of a
mean trick the other day, the relation
mother In the land to cu1dle with hor-
ror. She eloped with her objection
| able lover the same day her mother wae
enameled, and as the latter was com
PEELED to remain shut up three days or
| else crack all over, the couple man
aged to get away without pursuit.
JACK INCE had just fitted up his sa-
loon at Arkana, Texas, with fine
| black walnut bar. Tom DAILY, a de-
| sporadic, took a drink ut the new coun-
tor and began to carve his initials with
4 bowie knife on its polished surface
Ince protested without avail, and then
commanded DAILY to stop. "l'm going
to cut this bar or you, ana don't care
which," was the retort. "You won't
| do either" said Ince, and shot the man
dead.
| VEGETINE.-The great success OF the
Vegeline as cleanser and purifier OF
the blood is shown beyond doubt by
the great numbers who have taken Il
and received immediate relief, with
suoh remarkable cures.
"BUB, did you ever think" said a
grocer recently, as he measured out a
half-peok Of potatoes, eth at these pota-
toes contain sugar, water, and starch ?''
-"Noa, l didn't" replied the boy,
but heard mother say you put peas
and beans In your coffee, and about a
pint Of water In every quart of milk
you sold." The subject Of natural
philosophy was dropped right there.
THERE had been very heavy thun-
der storm, and the parched earth and
wllted vegetation drank in the refresh
plants would whisper to each other
how deliciousiU was," he exclaimed
enthusiastically. eyes, she said =,
call but the onions; they wouldn't be
likely to whisper with such breath :"
AN Englishman ut hotel in New
York asked the clerk If there were
| "oysters in the hotel. l."-"Oh yes, was
the answer; step right in the restaur-
ant: we don't keep them In the office. !"
-"EgaL |" said Mr.. John Bull, 'sI
think you misunderstood me, you know
| mean 'iyster. don't you know, a
IN this country"
A FARMER IN New York State pro.
tects his hen rOosts from hawks and
thieves Ly a dozen guinea hens. The
| hen roosts will be safe until deaf
hawk or thief without hearing pros
poets among them. No hawk or thief
would 60 within mile Of a guinea
! hens voice. except upon compulsion.
A ASoUTHwEsTERN editor, speaking of
q large and fat contemporary, remark
ed that If all flesh was grass, he must
| DO load Of hay. 81 expect | am"
| said the fat man, "from tho way the
donkeys arc nibbling at me.'
AN abandoned wretch who was
warned by temperance friend to
''look not upon the wine when it is red
within the cup" replied, "I never
touch red wine, whiskey agrees better
with my constitution
"WHAr Is the difference between me
and st. Paul p' asked Quo man of an
other. "St. Paul was oil things to all
men, and you are nothing to nobody"
was the reply. That wasn't the right
| answer.
A RELIGIOUS tract, called "Put Not
Your Trust in Princes,' was thrown
into the saloon of a simple old German.
He read tho title, and sollloquized: {:
"Vell, l don'd put some drust In Brin.
ces. Dey must pay der cash in dis shop
Oh nat dor Sama a a vito mo ~