The Worthington advance., 1880-10-07
A TALE OF A PUMP.

acter, that some men do not indulge IN
peculiarities Of behavior and speech un-
til after they have passed the middle age,
and then only from their lack of the oc.
cupations to which they had previously
been accustomed; others, again, never
plunge into the humorous until that peri
cd, and another class would as soon
think of committing burglary as giving
way to habit Of censorious satire until
their scalps are in the shining condition
OF the uncle Ned celebrated in song. AS
tor the other sex, they in the decline of
life exhibit fewer of the changes that ap-
proach eccentricity; it is the middle aged
and elderly gentlemen who take to ways
that, in their early years, would have en-
tirely spoiled their prospects, or if they
had plenty OF money, consigned them to
a lunatic asylum.
The hero of the following story was
rapidly approaching sixty when he &C.
4uired the reputation of being the "fun-
niest old gent" that lived out Finchlev
way, and how he developed into that no.
toriety will not take long nor be un-
pleasant in the telling.
! He was retired t1adesman, a bachelor
from choice, for he had never given anv
woman an opportunity of ,jilting him,
and for forty years had been known in a
business street Of the Strand as one of
the staidest of men.
| Having amassed fortune, he retired
to a small villa in the quiet end of Finch
ley, far out of the sight and hearing of
all the cemeteries, with young lady, the
daughter of deceased friend, for ward
and companion, and schurchwarden'
as long as his walking stick for a soother
in his hours of meditation.
He was thickset, short, rosy checked,
jolly looking party, bald as a philosopher
who had early devoted his hair to the
pursuit Of the impossible, but as genial
in manner as good old parson in the
green old age of placid self:contentment.
1t need scarcely be added that he loved
good ale, and although he had never read
or heard of Warton, he could with him
! exclaim:
MY sober evening lei the tankard bless,
While the rich draughts. with oft.rcpeatcd
Tobacco mild improves"
Ho was sitting in his pretty garden,
his custom OF fine afternoon in the
summer, as usual smoking, and this time
listening, or pretending to listen to a
young fellow, who was talking volubly
OF the cares and anxietles of life that
had just stretched itself into its twenty
third year.
This is the age of mcdiocrity, uncle"
said the young man with languid energy.
'Genius is unappreciated. A fellow, to
succeed in either art or literature, must
creep; if he tries to soar above the com.
mon level, worry and distraction keeps
him downtown, uncle, and unless nc
grovels in the dust of the dullness OF the
common herd of authors and artists, he
must starve-starve, uncle, for he cannot
live on the wind of his own self approval.
The paintings you admired so much the
society would not look at, but they could
hang inferior work on the actually
on the line, uncle"
What further he might have said was
not said, for his uncle, like one Inspired
rose from his seat, and, with his pipe,
waved him in the direction OF a little
door In the garden wall, at the same
time crying out:
"Follow men'
The old gentleman conducted his re-
lative into back yard, apparently de-
voted to clothes drying and lumber, on
one side Of which, 1ig ght under the blaz-
| ing sun. was pump, rusty handled, and
in the last stage Of dilap1datjon.
"Do you see that pump2" said the un-
Gle.
His nephr" acknowledged that he
ut strikes me forcibly," said the un-
Gle, seating himself on an aged chair,
"that the pump isa key to mystery.
The we'll has evidently been long unused.
Who knows, now, what valuable med
iclnal water it contains? It is said
truth lies in we'll. Many a fortune has
been found in one. Oblige me, Fred, by
putting of your coat and pumpine.''
Fred cheerfully complied with the re .
quest, for, having expectations from the
owner OF the pump, he felt it would be
folly to refuse to comply with any OF his
reasonable commands.
SO Fred pumped until the perspi1a-
tion exuded from every pore of his BODY,
and his arms ached as they had never
ached at any athletic sport in which he
had INDUCED, but never a drop of water
came: His uncle looked on, smoking
the while, and with all the gravity Of an
American Indian. At the end Of about
half an hour, Ned dropped the rusty
handle in disgust, and exclaimed:
1.-THE we'll is dryl'
"And so am I, replied his uncle, fix
ing on his exhausted nephew a pair of
round, gooseberry eyes, from which all
speculation seemed long ago to have van.
ished.
Fred, however, seemed to read some
meaning in their unwinking stare ;
probably the monosyllablc response as
sisted him to an Interpretation, for put
ting on his coat, he left the yard without
uttering a word. In the house he en-
countered the ward, Miss Helen We're, a
pretty and accomplished young lady Of
eighteen, who thought him the hand
soonest and cleverest young man in all
creation, and was quite prepared to
throw herself and fortune on his broad,