The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-02-07

s.one' anu why Iney don't 60 there is
an awful mystery.-Free Press.
"A man at Bridgeport, Conn.,, kicked
AZ hog, got bite in the leg and the
doctors had to saw it off to save his
lie. A soft answer turneth away
wrath.
The profit on wine is not so very
great-only about sixty per cent. Com
pare this with the twenty-five cents
profit made on box of Twenty-Five
cent pills.
The wife who kisses her husband
goodbye with his coat collar covered
with dandruff married him for love and
Is not afraid to trust him anywhere.
Free Press.
The New Orleans Picay,t,,e has OBJ
served that Latin inscriptions on tomb
stones give the most general satisfac-
ton. What can't be translated is taken
for granted.
This is the odd way in which the
New York Commercial advertiser man
compliments his wife: "You will al
ways notice that the ugly fellows get
the prettiest wives"
i think of thee, dear William,
And long to hear from YOU:
Send me missive, won'tyou, please.
., come now, billet doua.
-Keokuk Gate City.
=" There are too many women in the
world-60,000 more women than men
in Massachusetts," growled the hus-
band. "That is the survival of the
fittest," my DEAR" replied the wife.
"A Chicago man has a woman's
tooth grated into his jaw, and now
every time he passes millinery store
that tooth fairly aches to drag him up
to the window. Philadelphia Chronicle.
William Watkins, of Madison, re-
NAMED a bachelor until he was fiftv-
seven years old, when he married the
other day. The local papers whooped
out the headline. "Another old land
mark gone!'-Haa0k-Eye.
Cole went to Woford's house, at
Franklin, La, pistol in hand, and said.
4" | have come to kill you'll mean bust
ness" elf you mean business Wof-
ford replied, "here it is" and he shot
Cole dead.
The New Orleans PicGyu7ae is char
table enough to believe that there are
hundreds of men engaged in politics
who are not bad at heart and who
would be willing to get an honest liv-
ing if they could get it without work.
Why is it that when you meet
man "ker chuck" on the sidewalk he
always turns to his right while you
turn to your left, and not satisfied with
that he Immediately turns to his left
and you are just fool enough to turn to
your right?-NeU Have,a Register.
You never heard an Onondaga
County Indian wrestle with the beauties
of the EnglishP Comes along gentle
squaw looking for her wandering lord.
" You seen my old man along here,
bye and byep'' "Yes, l saw him."
" How long ago, frst?" Has0k-Eye.
-Calcraft, the late English hang
man, was always sorry thathe couldn't
hang a newspaper reporter before he
went out of the business. Providence
is always on the side of the man of the
Faber. We never knew reporter yet
who didn't outlive the man who hated
him.-HasOk-Eye.
"A strange, sad case of mental aber-
ration has been brought before the ply
sicians of New York. An editor has
suddenly fallen the helpless prey to the
wild hallucination that he has bank
account. The medicine men say there
is no hope for him, and he will proba-
bly, be shot by the chief of police
Haa0k-Eye.
Prices move all articles. In winter
when there is no sale for ice man can
slip and sprain his ankle on it at every
corner, but when summer comes it goes
up so high that two small Jumps in a
glass cost twenty cents, though to DE
sure the bar-keeper throws in q liquid
chrome. City Derrick.
Professor" The passive action of
muscles is particularly marked in
the cases of birds, who clutch their
perch merely in consequence of their
bodily weight. In removing a fowl
from hen-roost, you have, doubtless,
found it necessary to lift it, and -"
(class see the point. )-Acta CoIatnabt-
ana.
"A bridal party In a st. Louis JUS
tees office lacked the bridegroom. He
had quarreled with the bride, and, after
waiting an hour beyond the appointed
time, she told her friends that he prob
ably did not mean to come at all.
Thereupon an old admirer offered to
take the missing mans place. The
woman hesitated, but fifteen minutes
of vigorous courtship won her consent,
and the ceremony was performed.
Mrs. Ouray wants fur-lined cloak.
1t only needed one glance at this arti-
Gle of luxury to inspire the ebon-tressed
daughter of the forest with the deter
mination to have it Immediately. 1t
might be worth while TO supply her
with gorgeous wardrobe and then
distribute photographs of the gowns to
the wives of the chieftains of other
tribes. During the war that would be
caused by the natural efforts of the la
dies to obtain a fair division of the
spoils the army might take vacation.
Look at their Corpuscles. Some
body, on reading that the Psychologists
say that smoking rounds off the edges
of the blood corpuscles, advised faith
ers who wanted to catch their boys in
that bad habit to take a handful of their
blood corpuscles and examine them. A
Wisconsin farmer coming into town the