Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1880-08-19
Odd Ends.

Bill, spell cat, rat. hat with only
one letter for each wore sit can't
be did, Can't eh | Just lock here
&C so cat, so rat. so hat
Tanner cocktails are all the rage
at Ocean Grove. They are made
by adding one ounce of cracked ice
to three ounces of filtered rain. wa
ter. They are considered very
healthfal and fattening.
The late DR.. Bsthune asked
morose and misery man how he
wac getting along. The man re.
piled What business is that of
yours P Said the doctor: 'Oh, sir.
am one of those who take an in,
terest even in the meauest OF Gods
creatures
A little boy asked his mo her TO
talk TO him and say something fun
ny. How can p she asked, don't
you see AN busy baking these
pies " We'll, you might say, Charlie
won't you have pie 2 That would
DO very funny for you.
Ifye plaza mum, the cook has
burned her hand, an axsd TO be ex>
cused for few days. tor it's most
crez9d she IL wild tbs pain. In
deed, Bridget, I'll do nothing Of the
sort. expect to dinner to.morrow
several prominent members of the
Society tor the Prevention OF Cruel.
ty 10 Animals, and the cook must
do her work or find another place,
pain or no pain.
A iitlls boy, four years old, hav-
ing often been told that it was
wrong to say anything at table, was
down at dessert. After patiently
waiting for some time without be.
ing noticed, he exclaimed: Nam.
ma, may | please have an orange if
| don't ask for it 2 sYer, DEAR was
the reply. But after considerable
interval, the little follow cot GET
ting bis orange, again addressed his
mother with: 'Please, mamms.
am not asking for an orange This
time he was duly rewarded.
They were fond of each other and
bad been engaged; but they quar-
relied, and were too proud to mako
it up. lie called few days ago at
her fathers house, to see the old
gentleman on business, of course.
She was at the doo-. Said he. sAh.
Miss Blank, believe, is your faith
er IMP Ne, sir she replied, Pa
is not 10 at present. Do you wish
to eco him personally q Yes was
the bloff response, feeling that she
was yielding, 'on very peculiar per-
sonal business" and he turned
proudly TO 60 away. i beg your
pardon. she called after him, as he
struck the lower step, 'but who
shall | say called2' He never smiled
again. This was TO cruel.
A telegram from Milford, Pa,
says that "Mss Rose Paddock, the
beautiful and accomplished daughter
Of q wealthy farmer, eloped last
Sunday night with Andrew Rob.
bins, her fathers hired man" II
has no doubt been noticed by others
pas well as ourselves that every girl
who elopes with her fathers hired
man is beautiful aud accomplished"
The fact is that nine out of every
ten such hayward daughtera have
red hair, squint in the off eye, wear
freckles and bangs, number six
shoe, and can't write her own name
without making face ever it.
A gentleman met another ia the
street who wss III of CO. sun ption,
and accosted him thus: 'Ahl my
friend, you walk slow yes, re-
piled the man, but I'm gong fast
food morning, Patrick You've
got new coat at last, but it seems
to fiji you rather too much och,
there's nothing surprising about
that sure, l wasn't there when 1
was mea.ured for H.
'You - not like 10 make calls p
said an uncle TO his nephew. 'But
yon must make calls he continued,
for there's always pleasure derived
If not when you enter, at least
when you come out
4 housewife complained recently
70 her grocer about The quality Of
the eggs no wa, selling her, when
he, for want Of better excuse. said:
Cant help It, madam; at this time
Of tbs year the hens ere not well
A San Francisco belle recently re.
marked that ska thought Mas Neil
son, the Shakesperian actress looked
lots prettier in her Twelfth Night
dress.' Thanks We supposed she
wore them, but hadn't any idsa she
had them numbered.
A stranger, passing churoh.ysrd
and seeing hearae standing by,
asked who was dead. The sexton
told him What complaint 2 asked
the inquisitige one. Said the old
man, There is no complaint; every
body is satisfied
1t is said that the male wasp does
not sting. But as male aud fe.
male look as much alike as twins,
the only way to distinguish their
sex, is 10 catch one asd examine
their arsenal and business end. II
1t stings it is female if not it is .
gentleman wasp.
!