Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-04-02
F. u N

Flu N
HIS TELEPHoNE.-''I guess hat to git
up my telephone Already said an old cit
izen of Gratiot avenue Yesterday, as he en-
tered the Office of the company with very
long face.
'Why, what's the matter now 20
sob! efrytings. got dot telephone in
mine house so as could spheak NIT der
poys in der saloon down town, and NIT my
relations in Springwells, but hat to gif it
up. meier hat so much droubles."
sHow ?''
'Vhell, my poy Shon. in de saloon, he
rings der pell and calls me oop und says an
old trent of mine WANTS to see how she
works. Dot ish all right. say, 'Hello!'
und he says, Come Closer" goes closer
und helloes again. Den he says, 'Shtand
a little off, shtands little off und
yells vunce more, und he says, 'Spheak
louder.'' yells louder. It goes dot way
for ten minutes. und den he says, go to
Texas, you old Dutchmans!' You see ?''
"Yes."
ssAnd den mein brudder in Springwells
he rings de pell and calls nae oop and says
how I vhas dis eafningsl? says vhas
feeling like some colts, und he says: who
WANTS to puy some goats p says; Colts
-colts-colts and he answers: oh,
coats. thought you said ghoatsl When
goes to ask him Of he feels peter. hear
voice crying oudt: What Dutchmans ish
dot on dis line p Den somepody answers:
I doan know, but I likes to punch his
headtl You see 20
Eyes"
"Vhell, sometimes my vhife WANTS to
shpeak NIT me when am down in der sa-
loon. She rings mein pell und says,
Hello = Nopody shpeaks to me. She rings
again, und says, Hello !" like dunder
Den der Central Office tells me 60 aheadt,
und den tells me holdt on, und den tells
mein vhife dot am gone AWAY, yells
oudt dot ish nod so, and somebody says,
How can I talk if dot old Dutchmans
doan' keepshtill2 You see?"
eyes"
l.
pody rings der bell like der house was on
fire, und yhen shumps oudt and says he'll
10, hear somepody saying: Kaiser, doan'
you vhant to buy dog?' vhant no dog,
und when tells 'em so, I hear some pe0-
pies laughing: sHaw! haw! baw! You
see 20
"Yes.''
ssUnd SO you dake it oudt, und when
somepody likes to speak nit me dey shall
come right away to mein saloon. Or if
my brudder ish sick he shall get better,
und if somepody WANTS to buy me dog,
he shall come where can punch him NIT
Club p
A tramp sat himself down in farmer s
house, saying, sim rootabaga, and this
is the way I plant myself" "We bile
Ourn," said the farmers wife as she calm
ly took the kettle of boiling water off the
fire. He was gone before the cooking be-
gan.
ssThere is great difference between
housekeeping and boarding OUT said Mr..
Younghusband; s'for when boarded out
had to wait sometimes half an hour for
my dinner, but now I have it just when I
can get it,
"Little Harry asked his mother what
blood relations meant. She explained
that it signifies near relatives. After
thinking moment, he said: ''Then moth
er. Won must be the blOodiest relation I've
got"
A washerwOman, commended by her
pastor for regular attendance at church,
said, s'Oh, yes, after my hard weeks work
it rests me so to come and sit in church
and have nothing to think about"
A man named Smith died recently in
Australia, leaving hundred thousand
dollars. If any person by the name of
Smith sees this he may hear Of something
to his advantage.
Adolphe to Araminta on their way to
church: "How would were the prayer
book you clasp SO lovingly" Reply: ''How
/ would you were, for then could shut
you up"
Full many rose is born to blush I'M
seen. and waste its fragrance on the des-
ert air; full many nip is taken behind
the screen, and cloves and coffee, too, are
eaten there.
She said: ST ana going to the postoffice,
John; shall I inquire for you ?" "Well,
yes, if you have a mind to, but I don t
think you will find me there.''
ADo you drink" asked lady of ped
dler. He dropped his pack and remarked:
ssVell, shust leave drink nit you as any
ndder man."
A young scapegrace threw ball at his
sister, and hit her on the back of the head
80 hard that the bawl came out of her
mouth.
Some person has invented new game,
called the 'Fifteen Block puzzle. and it
is funny the newspapers don't say some
ching about it.
A man can buy hat for one dollar, but
r. takes from ten to fifteen for woman to
90 comparatively bareheaded.
..I,ye got a bswl ticket, " said neighbor
John. ruefully. It turned out there was a
new baby in the family.