The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-07-08

Mobiles county, Ainaesota.n
Wit and Hunof.
There isn't "a vegetable that can xetch.
up with the tomato.
Railroads are built on three esuees
Broad gauge, narrow gauge, and mort.
gage.
Sitting Bull has got almost far enoue6
ADVANCED in spring work to begin sowina
cartridges.
Go west young woman. The popula-
ton OF Arizona is in the proportion Of
one woman to four men.
"Oleomargarine" ,s the name they
give to q goat up among the shanties.
because it is bad butter.
An Iowa woman put starch into her
husbands beer, thinking it was Arsenic
and was surprised because it didn't
! stiflen him.
a religious contemporary tells "How to
make congregation sing" This is
going to be a pretty difficult task. unless
crooked pin is placed on each seat in
the house.
The will of Mr.. Land, late of Ken
lucky, leaves all his property to his wife.
and specifies that she "ean marry
again If she wants to-" And vet people
sing about land tl,at is fairer than this
MY dear, you're as good as gold" re-
marked Spilkins, as his little daughter
rushed down stairs to greet him. 'And,
what's more" replied the youthful Ma.
tllda, Pm rapidly coming down to par"
SWELL. I swan, Billy" said an old
farmer to an understood nephew Who
was visiting him, when you take off
that ERE plug hat and spit two or three
times. there isn't much left of you, il
thar?'
A few days ago Norwich man boueh
chest OF tea in Providence, and on
openingit, found astone inside, weighing
nearly eleven pounds. He remarked
that the weighs of Providence are yery
mysterious.
1t is human to doubt. Display a sim
with the inscription Beware of painf'"
and nine men out of ten will draw their
torefngers across the newly painted sur
face to see if the sign is not merely "an
Invention of the enemy"
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in a photographers GALLERY.
their portraits being taken at the instant
that the concluding words of the cere-
mony are spoken. The two alternatives
made negative. as it were.
--5windlers were here the other day,
trying to sell a map Of botany, but
nobody botany.
What beautiful example of simplicity
in dress is shown some Of the followers
of fashion by the domestic animal, the
cat, which rises in the morning washes
its face with its right hand, gives its
tail three jerks, and is ready dressed for
the day.
Suppose we pass law" said a severe
father to his daughters" that no girl
eighteen years old who cannot cook
shall get married until she learns how
to do it?" "Why, then, we'd all get
married at seventeen" responded the
girls in a sweet chorus.
Brown had been in love with young
lady, and asked permission to call her
by the expressive name Of some animal,
which WAS granted on condition that
she should have the same privilege. On
leaving. Brown aid, Good night, dear r
"Good night. bore! =! said she.
Hard Labor-Parish Lady: We can
not give aid unless we know more about
you. Where do you live? Girl: At
home, mem. Parish Lady: What 10
your father? Girl: A workingman,
mem. Parish Lady: Where does he
| work? Girl: He don't do no work, mem.
please he's on strike.
There has been separation between
an uptown lover and his sweetheart.
She presented him with her photograph,
which he, On his bended knees, swore
he would always wear next to his heart.
Last Sunday evening he pulled out his
handkerchief from his back pants
pocket, when 10! the photograph fell at
his lady's feet. She says he is either q
liar, or else his heart is not in the right
place.
Now is the time to put weather.strips
on the old mans gate so that it won't
creak or slam. Its getting warm enough
to stand outside now. Grease the front
stoop with 4 hunk of pork. This will
give you block start, and you can get
round the corner, turn quickly, pass BIN
as he bolts down the street after you.
and have an extra half hour with her
while he's chasing some other fellow
who is running after a car.
When bent on matrimony, look more
than skin deep for beauty, dive further
than the pocket for worth, and search fol
temper beyond good humor for the mo.
ment, remembering it is not always the
most agreeable partner at ball who
forms the most amiable partner for life.
Virtue, like some flowers, bloom often
tairest in the shade.
There is one consolation left when
winter is in full blast. A man can sleep
now as long as he pleases and not be
worried by such sounds as "Here y'are,
termattuses, terpunkins, terpairs, ter
peaches! Four sents er kerwart y
a runaway bridal couple from Cleve-
land, Ohio, turned up at Louisville re-
Gently, penniless, and had to bex a lode-
ing: The bride had pawnel her ring
and both were in great distress, but full
Of pride. They said their trouble arose
from failure to receive money from the
groom's parents, who are wealthy.
The Russian nobility are numerous,
and, as class, by no means rich. Pre-
vious to emancipation, about twenty
years ago, q land proprietor was not
thought wealthy unless he possessed at
least five hundred serfs. But only 3,SO3
proprietors had more than that number,
while Al 900 had less than twenty-one.
Judge Yellott's acquittal on the charge
of drunkenness, while on the Supreme
Court bench, in Baltimore, was wholly
on technical grounds. Some Of the
counts in the indictment were stricken
out because they related to intoxication
more than a year ago. and those that
charged recent intoxication did not A.
lege that it was while in the discharge
of his official duties.