The Russellville Democrat., 1880-10-21
HIS CAT.
The Trials and Tribulations of New Or
 leans Man Who Owned Trouble
New Orleans Times.

some Feliae.
 New Orleans Times.
 He was an old man, with a very solemn exterior, and as he came up and took his place among the crowd on the City Hall steps yesterday, he looked as religious as a deacon during collection time. Somehow the conversation turned on cats, and the old fellow launched on and began to tell them about cat he once possessed.
 'I tell you, gentlemen. that cat of mine was wonder; yes, sir, she was bigger curiosity than whole sideshow she was a feline, gentlemen, that hooted at the doctrine of total depravity, sneered at religion and virtue, and hadn't a particle of belief in hereafter or the survival of tho fittest.T For pure, intel ligent, high-minded wickedness she'd put to shame any four-legged animal that ever clawed fence. She was Ben Butler, Dennis Kearney and unbottled blue lightning all rolled into one. can tell you stories about that cat that are mighty hard to believe. I've known that cat, gentlemen, often to take screw driver and unscrew the pantry closet door in order to get at the family cream; and I actually caught her one day en- deavoring, with perseverance worthy of the highest commendation, to open can of preserved meat with my razor- fact--Pd swear if in every courthouse in the land! Sne didn't let us see bit of peace-she'd gouge the cnlldren, open my wife's casket and steal the jewelry, and fight the dog until his life became a burden. And, gentlemen. I've watched her actually sittin' with her eyes kinder closed for whole hours at time, plottln' destruction to me an my household! If the devil ever did get into any living creature, he got into that cat. tried to kill her till l grew sick of it-she'd dodge bullet slick as you could wlnk your eye. I wish I had brought along door I've got at Eome-its perfect lead mine-chock full of balls that shot at that cat.
 "Well, gentlemen, instead of reformin' an preparing for eternity as she grew older, she became worse and worse. One morning she dragged off my oldest boy--pulled him out of bed and carried him half mile down the road. and then literally peeled tine clothes off his bodyl I went down and secured the remains of my offspring, and when 1 returned my wife met me at the door and swore that if didn't dispose of that animal some way she'd pack up and return to her fathers. She being woman Of her word, went out immediately to have another interview with the cat. found her reclining in the yard at the corner of the house, with sort of a wicked leer on her countenance, amusing herself with some of the buttons of my poor child's shirt. When she saw me she shot her back up about half mile and growled like Fourth of July can non. hauled out my pistol, took a careful aim and fired at her five times right straight along, and blame me if the blasted thing didn't sit there and laugh at me! But I got her at last. That evening hung large meal bag to the side of the house, fastened big chunck of fresh beef in the bag, and the cat was there immediately. Then 1 rushed up and grabbed the end of tine bag. tell you it was pretty warm work holding the end of that bag with that animal kicking up the very old Billy inside, but 1 knowed if she got out she'd knock the whole universe into chaos, and so l gritted my teeth and kept my grip. Then I got a man to roll half barrel of powder out into an old field, put the bag
 
 and the cat into the barrel, nailed up the top, bored hole in one side, fastened one end of slow match to the hole and applied small quantity of fire to the other end. There was slight explo- sion, and when the fragments of that barrel played leap frog with each other in the realms of space-the cat-the cat concluded that the time had arrived for her to seek another world! See? Gen. tlemen, know the portion of liars, and 1 hope to suffer that portion if every word Pve said hain't the solid, rockbot- tom truth"
 Slowly the crowd filed away, and when the last one had departed, a smile such as Raphael might have dreamed of but never put on canvas, crept gradually over the old mans face and was finally lost at the back of his neck.