Sacramento daily record-union., 1880-12-07
ODDS AND ENDS.

follce JustlceS nave reduced the tlne on
drunks to half dollar
The Detroit Free Press believes that the
scenes of the new play, 60 Five Hundred
Thousand Devils, are laid in Chicago.
| In the ordinary walks of life you can
perform civil service toward your fellow
men without bringing in a bill for the pur-
pose.
The trees are beginning to get their
trunks in order, and they'll keep then SO
all winter, SO they can leave early in the
| spring.
A man "out west" was offered plate
of maccaroni soup, but declined it, deelar-
ing that they couldn't play off any billed
| pipe-stems on him.
Spicer says he has almost forgotten
about baseball terms now, but when he
goes to the museum he cannot but think
that r. M. is the right Field.
A medical writer asks " Does position
affect sleep:" Well, rather; if you're
hung up by your trousers on a spiked fence,
you won't sleep very soundly. boston
Post.
The Prince of Wales has won SIS, 900 on
horse races. Ii he win or lose, it troubles
him but little. In the former case, half a
dozen of his subjects pay it in the latter.
all Of them.
"Landlady." said he, "the coffee isn't
settled" No." she replied, "but it
comes as near to it as your last months
board bill does = and that man never spoke
again during the meal.
It was not bad comment on what some
men call business that an old German
made in New York. He said: "Der
beeples go round der streets all day sheat-
ing each odder, and dey call it pizziness !"
"By Jove!'' exclaimed Harry I" look at
that girl What color She's the picture
of health" Said Dick, who has learned to
discriminate between nature and art, ga
picture of health ! a painting, you
mean"
| Emerson says man ought to carry a
pencil and note down the thoughts OF the
moment. Yes, and one short pencil, de.
voted exclusively to that use, would last
some men we know about 1000 years, and
then have the original point on.
Everyone, at least once in his life, pass es
through the rapturous experience Of the
young man who, while sitting by the side
of the lady of lis choice, heard her heart
beat so loud that he thought some one was
at the door and cried cut @ Come in"
A Boston publisher announces "out
Of the Deep; Words for the Sorrowful )"
It is timely. A copy should be in the
hands of every Democrat who voted for
Hancock. There is not more sorrowful
lot of people in existence to-day Norris
town Herald.
New York bellies are wearing the Zulu
hat. It is hoped that they will not adopt
| the Zulu full Dress It would occasion re-
mark, except az one of Queen Victorias
receptions. A Zulu full dress costs about
twenty cents, and is cut extremely decol-
lete at both ends.
Miss Florence Toole, the IA year old
daughter OF the comedian, is described as
| the possessor of remarkable literary ability;
and it is thought that her father viii pre-
sently be able to get his pieces written for
him at home. There's nothing like having
| the Tooles in the house when one wants to
construct play.
It is understood that the New York
| Sorosis has decided that the cold shoulder
be turned to Sarah Bernhardt. lex.
Bless you, dear girls, Sarah wouldn't mind
cold shoulders if you did not wear more
than a shoulder strap above your waist
If it was question of cold feet now she
might possibly object.
Dennis Kearney has retired from politi-
| cal life with the pathetic remark that he
| sis now compelled to seek livelihood "
for his family. Seek as far away as posi-
BILE, Denny. It would break all our hearts
to see you step down from your proud
pedestal of rant and blasphemy to indulge
in SO vulgar pastime as labor.
| We notice in the Philadelphia Times a
poem entitled Another Autumn" If the
editor of our esteemed contemporary had
passed the autumn just closed in this city
and read all the poems about it that came
to this Office he would never think of let
| ting the tangle-haired brigade start in on
another one at this season of the year.
"Yes, am up to my ears in business"
said Jones, swellingly. "Well. there's no
danger you'll ever get over them, Jones
not bit of DANGER" said Smith at the
same time putting his thumbs to the tops
of his own ears and tapping his hands up
and down like loose easement in the
wind. Jones wonders what the d ,uce
Smith meant.
A lady correspondent wants to know if
we can tell her in brief space "the b sauti-
| full story of Lancelot and Elaine" We
cannot; but we can tell you briefly the
beautiful story of Santa Claus and Elaine.
The mare won the first heat in 2:20, but
lost the race through a break on the home
stretch There was no horse called Lance
lot in the race. You probably got things
little mixed.
A young man in dentists chair in
Waterbury, Conn, fancied he was riding
bicycle, and forthwith striking out with
great vigor, put each foot through pane
of glass in the window before him. Il Elk.
And yet, while under the influence of the
aunsthetic he probably felt no pane.
[Richmond (Va) Baton. Perhaps the
young man imagined he was at dance,
and the prompter had just called out
"All sash, hey FL Boston Journal OF Com
merce.
The Buffalo Express wants to know who
invented kissing We don't think it was
ever invented; it Just came kind o.
natural, like shock of sugar-coated cleo
tricity. Oar first mother, in her maiden
innocence, asked Adam to tell her if her
back hair was all right, and we presume he
couldn't help it. We couldn't if we had
been Adam, and the girls mother away at
a prayer meeting. Il New Y ork Commercial
1t only remains for the Commercial to tell
who Ewes mother was. and what church
she attended. Il Buffalo Express.
In the case of a gentleman wishing to
marry-literally in the market with his
heart-he wears plain or chased gold ring
upon the forefinger of his left Tor heart)
hand. When success attends his suit and
he is actually engaged, the ring passes to
tine third finger. Ii, however, the gentle.
man desires to tell the fair ones that ne not
only is not in the market" but he does
not design to marry at all, he wears the
sign upon his little finger, and all ladies
may understand that he is out of their
reach. This is important if true.
Prince Pierre Bonaparte, who was too
crippled to witness his son Roiand's civil
wedding, writes from Versailles to the
Figaro. In your notice of the 7th OF
November OF my sons marriage you omitted
giving him the titles to which he has
right. Roland is Prince, Highness. and
Monseigneur, as my daughter Jeanne Is
Princess and Madame. 1 count on your
equity for inserting this letter, and assure
you of my high consideration. Prince
poY,,l he ,,;fa a,d nother.in. law after