The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-11-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

Never jump at conclusions. It's as
bad as jumping out of bed and landing
on the little end of tack. ...-..- ...
A girl in Rockf ord, Me-, had her
corset torn from her by n stroke of
lightning, but received no injury her.
self. The young man, however, was
Ekmara Free Press. .g -I.. 5s
A wcll-cooked breakfast will do
more towards preserving peace in the
family than will seven notices on the
wall, even though they be framed i'll
the most elaborate of gilt moldings.-
Boston Globe.
A few years since, at the celebration
of our national anniversary, poor
pcddler who was present, being called
upon for a toast, offered the following:
"Hcre is health to poverty it site ks
to man when all his friends fOrsake
him." v "a
Judgc-"IIow comes it that you
ared break into this gcntlcman's
house in the dead of night?" PrisOn-
er-"Why, judge, the other time you
reproachcd me for stealing in broad
day. Am not to be allowed to work
at all" az ii
Two young mothers talked of the
future OF their babies, several weeks
old. 81" SAID one OF the mothers,
"cannot decide what to make of my
son." "Oh, l." said the other, "will
make mine an author-very cele-
brated." .ss tt-..- s,,.
Landlady-"I fear, Brigitte, that
these two herrings are scarcely sufh-
cient for the whole seven of u.s." Bri-
gittc-"Oui, madame, I thought so,
too, and SO added the heads of those
we had yesterday"
"Miss Brown, Eve been to learn
how to tell fortunes" said a young
fellow to brisk brunette. ''Just let
me have your hand, it you please.
"La, Mr.. White, how sudden you are!
Well, go and ask pap
Governor to Small Boy-"Benny, 1
shall keep you in if you don't learn
your lessons tomorrow Pm going
to turn over new leaf with you."
Small Boy-"You can't turn over q
new leaf; it's te:ir'd out"
/ An innocent youth from the public
school brings his bleeding knuckles
to his mother, asking for her sympa-
thy. show were they tlanased?"
as ked the lady. ooh, only against the
other fellows cheek-bone." '.Poor,
fellow: how is his check bone % The
scholar retires in Indignation at the
gIaring absurdities OF the female logic.
Jonesmith was intently scanning
the stock list in his Bulletin, when
his wife entered with her head tied
up, and began to pace the floor, dis
tracted. ''Oll, Gus," said she, "I have
such a horrible, car-ache" "H'm,"
muttered the brute, absentiy, without
looking up, ''you must have it out"
"Mr. JoAesmith," )" said the lady, cold
ly, "don't you think L could save it
by having it tilled?'r
| "A poet asks ::"W here are the dreams
of the days gone by?" This is "a sin
gular query, even for q poet. The
dreams of the days gone by are like
the days sthemselves-gone by. "A
dream can't he preserved like ounces
and pears and other fruit. The poet
can witness just as lively and startling
dreams as those that have fed, it he
will eat q mince pie, q dozen raw oys-
ters, and some picked pigs feet, and
drink o pint Of cider before going to
bed. - a,.fl g:fs4t ~ ss4ssil.s
!, ~ A, little washing soda was wanted
for cleaning purpt ses; so George was
given a uime and dispatched to the
apothecary to get ito George soon re-
turns, but no soda. I"Why didn't you
get the soda, George?' chorused the
family. s.Idid." "Where is it then?'
81 drank. it" "Drank it?" Eyes;
the, man said it wouldn't. keep to
bring home" Aliyht dawns on the
family's mind. 1t, asks eagerly:
"What did, you ask for?" Soda"
ssDidn't you say washing soda? 2" ..No;
only soda" Family laughs as though
it were crazy. George doesn't know
what all the fun's about, but he is
subsequently, heard to say: "That was
q boss-drink." ,,.4s.f