The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-09-09

| up ana come along, as there was q
tramp at his house who refused to
leave. The policeman suggested that
owing to the distance and con-
better take street-car. "Take-a- street.
carl Pay ten cents to ride! Why, the
tralap will 20 of himself for a nickle.
| Why, bile my lights and liver, If you
atnG worse than the tramp! Since
when have they put highway robbers
on the policei Ten centsi For ten
cents a piece III furnish the city with
all the tramps they want"
| GwRNDoLrNE--"Wha this / hear,
Bertie-you were betting at Ascot, and
Gwendoline lost heavily9" Albert
Well but told me to bet. Gwendoline-
son, Bertie I" "Albert-''Dldn'ty you saw
you would spare ME from your garden
party, and I was to 70 to Ascot and
baokP' Gwendoline -"Well, SIR"
Albert-"We1l, and so did. I went
and backed the favorite, and didn't
win !" Shewas not satisfied, but she
forgave him.
HAVE you muzzled your dog? We
have not. And what Is more, we are
not going to. The dog never bit any
body, aud he don't like muzzling any
mere than we do. How would you
like to go round from now till
election with All iron muzzle on
your Besides, we have no dog.
A GENTLEMAN about sailing for
Europe, in response to question, said
he intended to ego by Ancient
bologna" An old lady who overheard
him, said he was very foolish to 20 80
far to buy old bologna, when he could
get plenty of 1t In this country.
| LITTLE GERTIE went with her mother
to see Madame Tousand's wax works.
Af6er locking about curlously, as If she
| were trying to find out something and
could not, she said: "Why do they
call them wax works, mamma? THEY'RE
wax, but they don't work.
IN DAKOTA. during the summer
months, IL Is not dark until ten O'Clock
| I. NJ, which renders courting on the
'front.' steps at night hollow mockery; !;
OUT young man can go to see girl
seven nights week without running
up gas bill.
$50. you are going to keep school,.
SAID young lady to her old maid aunt.
"el!, for my part, sooner than do
that, would marry wldower with
n!ne children" "i should prefer that
myself was the quiet reply; "but
whore Is the widower?"
A COUNTRY newspiper out West thus
heads Its report OF fire: Feast of
the Fire Fiend-'rhe Forked. Tongucd
Demon Lick' with Its Lurid Breath a
Lumbe: Pile-Are the Scenes Of Bos-
ton to lie Repcated?-Loss l50 Dol
larst"
MASTER JACK: elbow often are the
Maid-"Once week, Master Jack"
Master Jack-"Only once week!
Then the clothes are much l,lckier
than sis and me, ii that's al the wash
ing they get"
WHY Is dog that was refused exhib-
ition at tho dog show on account OF
lamenesS like sheet ofblotting paper2
Because lame dog Is slow pup, and
slope up is All inclined plane, and a
lnk-llned plane Is sheet of blotting
paper.
EITHER we must make tho ocean
wider or the steamship narrower.
Something must he done to enable two
ships to pass without going through
each other. Society kind Of demands
1t, and the comfort Of the passengers
seconds the demand.
"TALK about your boat races" said
an old sport at the Washington fizzlc.
or your horse races or your prize fights.
or your base ball; give me an old
fashioned cook fight. There's game
there.''
A COUNTY exchange unfcelingly re-
marks: "The small boy will soon be
holding himself together at the equa-
tor In acknowledgment Of the subtle
power of the green apple.'
a GENTLEMAN in lecturipg for a
blind asylum began by grttVely re-
marking, "If all the world were blind.
what melancholy sight it would be-"
Patrick dressing for party): "Bc-
dad now, and | shan't be able to git ON
these boots till I've worn them a toime
or two"
ST.. LOUIS girls says that those of
Chicago never hav. shoes that are
mases, beHu'e OF the difficulty
of fading two sides Of leather alike.
SOME ono describes the opera as that
sort of music where "they squeal and
go up, and then chOIe and come dOwn,''
If you lose your breath don't run to
catch 1t; you can catch 1T sooner by
st .nding still.
The man who went on a FOOLS erranG
WAS probably performing one of his
own commissions
IT is strange thing In art that an
actress must learn to paint before she
can draw.
Jones finds drinking like a fish
makes his head swim.
THE mule always puts his best foot
backward.
The butcher who trusts loses flesh.
-
Busy Lffe.
The Worlds Dispensary at Buffalo.
N. T., Is a great institution having its
auxiliary Invalids' Hotel. for accorn.