Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-03-17
FUNNYGRAPHS.

ALWAYS in haste-the letter b.
HE horseshoe doesn't bring good luck
when the horse applies it-BOston
Courier.
HE czar wears a coat of mail, and yet
threatening letters get through the mail
at him.
SWEET are the uses of a university"
said the girl when a senior asked her to
go to the concert.
If hit yer, said one small boy to
another, "yer'n be usin' yersef fer snuff
termorror. - Worcester Gazette.
1T has been asked by 100000 people:
"Why is ship spoken of as she?' :"
Because it wears stays.
THE palate is down in the mouth, and
yet it always manages to get the first
taste of everything.
DECORATIVE corsets are coming into
vogue. 1t is a foolish fashion. Who
cares what is on the outside of corset.
INCIDENCE is said to be the rust of
the mind. And some minds are SO rusty
that you could not find bright spot on
them with a three cOrnered file.
A PITTSBURGH man recently made two
unsuccessful attempts to hang himself.
He had probably been sheriff in his
lifetime. Derrick.
SPEAK of man as whole-soul fellow
and he feels complimented, but call
woman whole sole and she gets mad
Phiiodelphia Chronicle.
The decline Of the drama is probably
owing to the fact that the public never
sees but about one-tenth of a play; the
rest is bonnet.
A POOR talker and bad cigar are
alike; the more you draw them out the
worse they me.-Hackensack Re
publican.
"THAT's fr1strate idea," said the
anxious father, when he shrewdly de
vised how to prevent the anticipated
elopement of his daughter.
WHAT is home without husband?
Neac York Express. Most generally
refuge for homeless .-Rochester
ETlress.
IT shocks ones faith in human nature
to be accosted on the street after night
fall with: "Uf you plees, gif me few
pennies. I vas Irish suffererman.
Boston Courier
"YoU can never wear those boots out, F"
said shoemaker "Then { do not want
them," replied the customer; 'do you
suppose want boots to wear ID the
house ?"-B0stoas Journal
THEY probably will not have time to
get Cleopatra's needle ashore here be-
fore advertisers will begin to quarrel
to see who shall be at the top of the
column.
OLD WEYR1CHs has glass-eye, and he
thoughtfully calls, the goblet he keeps it
in of nights his "eye's house" The
pastor and senior deacons are going to
speak with him about it.
"WHERE does the time go?" Tt
slides into the past in such COMPOUNDED
hurry that the next minute is the last
minute before you get a chance to catch
it.-N. II. Register.
THE sick man has been brought back
as if by miracle from the very gates of
death. t'It's too bad, too bad" said the
Clergyman; @'hen never be half as ready
to die as I had him this time. I never
took such pains with a sinner BEFORE"
GA PLACE for everything, and every
thing in it's place." A man at Yale nails
his slippers on the wall four feet up, and
then all he has to do of an evening is to
wheel up his easy chair in front OF them
and pull out his meerschaum.
Two boys will sorape away three inches
of snow and play marbles on the frozen
ground without a word Of complaint,
while their fathers will look over the
back yard for the ak and jaw like blazes
if they can't find it in minute.
The New York Aail, under the head
line GO Religious Intelligence, prints the
news that ga steam -four mill is to be
started at Jerusalem. The theologians
of the Albany Journal think religious
steam -four mill is one without a dam.
The enemies of the car of Russia
will attempt shooting him, blowing him
up and stabbing him, and still be will
live until some day, when he is fooling
with revolver that isn't loaded, he'll get
the whole top OF his head blown off,
oil CITY Derrick.
IT is very funny that some of the news
papers, IN referring to the attempt to
blow UP the czar, don't quote, "Uneasy
lies the head that wears crown" But
perhaps the czar takes off his crown
when he goes to bed. Her.
aid.
AN honest-looking countryman recent
ly halted citizen of Cleveland and in
CURED: 90 Mister, kin you tell me whar
this here Mormon school is? I've got a
niece attendin' there, and I've brought a
peck of nice greenin's here for her"
The citizen scratched his head, and then
hastily directed the rural gentleman to
the normal school.
"PA, DEAR" asked his son and heir,
"tell me what is the difference between
an accident and a misfortune ?" Spa,
DEAR" gave it up. "Well, )" said his son
and heir, "if my pressing tailor, Mr..
Simpson, were to fall into deep pond,
it would be an accident; but if any one
were to pull him out it would be mis-
fortune. "-Judy.
AN insurance agent seeing would-be
insurer had, in filing up the proposal
form, answered the questions, cage of
father, if hving?" cage of mother, If