Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1880-08-23
NAsBYI IN CHARuEOF THE KEYS.

NAsBY IN CHARuEOF THE KEYS
/ opinions OF Gil Kinds for all PEG
Dse-He Details the Trouble tha
Ensued by Detective Mac hfner,
NJ AancOck's Head uarters.
GOVERNORS ISLAND, (which is in tn
State nv Moo York; Aug. 6, $780,
The newspapers are full nv an akkoun
Nv General Hancock's faintin in tn
presence Nv two delegashuns which
called on him.
Tho troo histry nv the case is this.
We have q electric arrangement
from the ante room where stand, I,
the Generals rooms. There are 81
keys marked with the States and th,
Shades Nv opinyun which make up til,
Dimekratic party. Thus one is marked
"Noo York-hard money!" another
"Loozeaner-secesh," and SO on.
My dooty is to admit only one party
at a time TO see the General, and 10 no.
tify him in advance wat principles the
visitin party processes, that our can
didate may make no mistakes.
For instanse, there comes man
from Pennsylvany. 1t is my dooty to
find wat his noshuns are on the tariff.
| ask him, to begin with, how trade is
He ansers Bully" Then l say,
show does the present tariff work for
you 7" He SEE, Bully" wunst more,
ana then I know all about it. He is
interested in manufacters, and is a high
tariff man.
Then the matter looks comparatively
simple. l tech key which is marked,
"Pennsylvany-tariff," and send him
into the presence, and Gineral Han
cock knows eggsackly wat to say to
him, and he sez it, and sends him
away happy.
III the visitor is from Illinoy, and
happens to be free trader, a key is
fetched 80 labelled, and the Gineral
also knows wat to say TO him.
The same rool applies to all other
visitors. We hev es meny keys es
ther are shades of opinuun in the par
ty. 1t requires gigantic intellect to
keep the run Of EN-, and that is why
okkepy that responsible posishun.
Wv course make mistakes OCCASION
ally, for no man kin keep the track Nv
SIGH diversity Nv principle. did tech
the key marked "War Dimekrat," for
a secesh Major from Looseaner, and he
came out in towering rage, at bein
informed by the Gineral that he shood
never be satisfied till every man witch
bore arms in the Confederacy he'd passed
away, that we mite hev peace, and it
wuz mistake when teached the key
narkt "Confederacy" and sent in a
Wisconsin farmer wich he'd he'd two
sons killed at Antietam. The old man
didn't like to be told that Confedrit
soljers shood hev the same penshuns
ez the Northern hirelins wich invaded
the South 80 brootally.
But the trouble referred to okkurred
yesterday. There came delegashen
NV wide-hatted men from Maine and
Injeany, wich wantid to consult the
Gineral ez to his vews on the CRATE
question NV Unlimited greenbax, and
jist at the same mint Their cum dele
gashen from the City Of Moo York wich
wuz goin to demand a expreshn ez to
honist money.
insisted that but one delegashun
shood 60 in at time, and ez the In
jeany mel wuz neerest the door, /
fetched the soft money key, and asked
'em in. The hard money men hustled
them aside, and thinkin they wood
push in first, fetched the hard money
key. This dsmoralized the General,
and to add to the horror nv the acct
dent they both pushed past me, and
rushed in all together.
Then a scene ensood wioh battles de.
scripshen.
swat we want to know" sed the
spokesman Nv the Ipjeany and Maine
delegashun, sis in the event nv yoor
eleckshun, is the kentry to hev onlim-
tied money and consekent prosperity"
swat we want to know" zed the
he'd nv the Moo York dslegashuu, "is,
Of the Dimoerisy succeeds are We to hev
honist money, and is the Nashnel
debt to be paid in gold?"
The Gineral turned pale and looked
at me implorinly. He wuz not skal to
the emergency, hut wuS. whispered
in his ear "faint," and serzed him in
my arms. Takin the hint he drawed
a long sigh, and fell out Nv his cheer,
ssnselis to all Appearances.
Gentlemen" sed l, "our noble can
didate hez bin eyerworked and nacher
asserts himself. Will you please retire
while bring him to 7"
Thy went out, and the Gineral got
up. "Are they all gone ?" he asked.
"They are all gone," sed |.
"There must be q new plan fixed"
sed he. can't keep on faintin in this
way till the first nv November. The
next time this happens l shell faint in
ded earnest, and it will be no sham"
Wat we shell do don't know. 1t
wuz seIestid that our candidate take an
extended European trip, but ef he does
th at we lose the effsck Nv his superb
face and figger, wich is wat we nomin.
aid him fur. FL we keep him here and
yootilizs that, we run the risk Nv havin
him talked to, which is fatle.
We hev the matter under consulta-
shen now, but hev not bin able to come
to any conclcoshen.
wish to Heaven I Good be a keeper
for Garfeeld. His man has soft thing
Nv it. The cussid Republicans hewitt
but one set of opinuns and ther amt
no trou BILE about that. Garfeeld's
door keeper he sets and admits every
body, without askin no questions, and
bez nothin whatever to do ceptin to sa
Uwalk in gentlemen" And they so in