, 1880-11-21

I'LL ODD club Or SO.-thAt, first, the tendency to
create IN uphenval in the metallic deposit at
stake, and thereby cause second influx Of rus.
sll ivory towards tho common centre, WIS great
er than when said hand was irregular in forms
LION; und that, second, said hand subsequently
cred them about itself.
Having been appointed committee to in
vestignte the above, Profs. Huxley, Darwin.
and Tyldall pursued their researches from
7::D p. ILL.,. one Saturday until 11:l5 a. III.
Sunday. and Prof. Huxley. the Chairman, re-
ported as follows:
Your Committee, after artluous labor and
great expense, lind that: while the Dana theory
of Elevation OF Straddles, as contained In his
paper, Is correct In the premise, 1t Is sometimes
aisastrously fallacious in the conclusion. One
proved this. rs follows: The senior hand gov-
crncd by myself, consisted before the draw of
one stratum Of ensanglned jacks. one stratum
Ut sable queens, and one accidental but worth
less diamond, ,-Ilmssr us valuable fortnutton US
that tnstanced by Prof. Dana The sub-senior
band, engineered BY Prof. Tyndal, was neuriy
continuity being only bobtaiei ut one end by q
healthy but ineifcacious heart. The junior
hand, under the management Of Pruf. Darwin,
consisted before the draw, Us he states. Of one
thin stratum of deuces, with three substrata OF
suits profs. Tyndali and Darwin having duly
tas e1'sa' %s 'es %i Tstsh FS + TDda
fe4uily QccGQGu. EfOI. DArHln 0GInf1rreG FUR
several minutes, arrlnged and rearran9ed his
strata in All uncertain and, Us we thought,
nervous manner, but finally concluded bis ned
tuition and contributed quite n handsome fossil
collection townrds the gcnerlI centre. To me
be then ie;llt one sut,-stratunl: to Prof. Darwin
one; and to himself three. Applying myself to
formation Ut jacks had beeu wonderfully c,s-
rched, the triple stratu Of which even now. rest
Ing upon my stratum Of queens, quite filled my
newly acquired stratum with evidences OF sup
pressed emotion. advanced one fossil, to tho
value Of ~. Prot Darwin took Il panoramic
view of his strata. and neatly covered that. and,
to my great delight. added a smaller fossil. to
the value Of u shilltnga. promptly covered
both deposits and then proseeded 70 e"ist Prof
my delight Prof Tyndai elevated me
ia like ratio. I naturally feared that
now Prof Darwin ,o would retire: So did did
put on so aggressive front tu his usually ti1nld
friend But to our immense satisfaction, prof.
Darwin, after again reviewing big struta 70 see M
If they were all there, not only uimbly RIscendcd
Prot. Tynda!s elevation, but capped 1t. as befure,
with ~ shi}lngs- Rejoicing secretly in the. wis.
dom 1t the y p4na G95 Ttn t an
my fellow investigators, l again clilnbed over
both prccipitous heaps to the extent Of Elo.
like a blurred and hideous dream. Prof. Tyniall
leaped over me. Prof. Darwin hopped over him.
and turned somerse1s over Prof- Darwin. until
nat only was my entire fossil collection: my
pocket-portfolio OF engraved portraits OF Gov
crnment celebrities and cheques for half the sum
Of my accumulations III the East India Bank,
leaptd on the pile, with Prof. Iyndalrs watch
and Eyeglasses and fine polnFiscope and collar
buttons, together with his seaf ring, mortgage
his house, an order for seven months nd
vance SALARY H5 Secretary Of yuur hOnurablo
body. and u rrnnsfer order Tor two thirds - his
registered consuls, but also DRIFTS from Prof.
Darwin upon his publisher for the entire gross
Man." and corrected revision Ut the ''Orfgin
OF Species. with clear deed Of the copyrixht
bryan to fcar lest my zeal should blight the
future Of my Two friends, especially that ut
Prof. Durwn, whose acquaintance with the
best, and who, felt quite certain, merely per-
severed through gentletnanly spirit of ae,
commoda ION. But as Prof. Tyndall continued
ind US prof. Darwin would ench time mild
~ encourage hin. with 1U-shilllnK prod.
still continued. Finally. when my oSerGoat.
und Prof. Tyndalls rubber goloshes, and Prs,f*
Darwin'S telescope bat, had been udded to the
heap on the extra table brought in 70 bold the
increasing pile, the hands we're called ny rounu,
Prof. Durwin apotuxetically saying that he
called simply because be bud nothing more to
bet hut his sleevc-buttons, which were birth
aay pfsent trH hs Ie Sfe upnI ths sa at
Prof. Darwin, und Pr,Jf. Darwin looked ut botn
OF Prof fyndall sud that be had aot fore iors-
seen this-that he had becn bounced nlxneE E
had forgot himself in his exctement'-taa1 he
WIS SO sorry he couldn't think, but he
hAt nee HUSH. he lHEl1 atAEN4 ~
gather in and ~";,t up tho pot: checked him;
and with te:lr> III my eyes confessed that null
BEEN cry. very wrunE. but thAt ! nad feaslg
~ ike my own,-that felt keenfy for Prof.
Darwin. who had been tr.Hxed tnnoccntly into
the destructive contest.-thit would cheer
polka dot Handkerchief, and telescope hat. and to
Prof TyutiaIl his eye-El,sses, and Solushes, and
one collar button. and beg both not TO mention
effect OF the draw upon the
germinal protuplasm of my hand, and had been
delsd n int ris'ngTamd i{ tsr INT
l'air q queens: I then burst into tears;
s1xe s1a oefa9 fn this was assse By Pe par
win, who certainly displayed the utmost stol-
cisn throughout AZ len1th. when the huge
I thought to console min, and asked him what be
had The horror Of both Prof. Tyndnll and MY
self can only be Imagined by your learned body
pocket the neatly-folded ank-notes. and then
the rolls Of guineas, and then put Prof Tyn-
dllrs watch in his fob: and Try on Prof Tyn-
glasses on his nose, und test them BY running
over my hand AY1lin, and put on my overcont,
and stun the pockets thereof with tne mort, ,
and then pass in the fossils to me
to be cushed, md, finally. with deic:tte smile of
coincidence, skin out four deuces ai1d q King.
Your Committee beg to state that the Duna
theory " perniciOus and fraudulent In the ex-
trcme lii conclusion would respectfully beg
to Withdrew uly offer to make ut my own ex-
peusc scientific Investigation Of the theory of
Prof McCosh. ut Princeton, that 'stEalKhts are
absolute in jack-pots- Prof Tyndnii also de-
elrl.s me 10 say that his failing health will pre-
vent his cquipping uud accompanying the pro-
.s,5ed purity i, explore tho Klaciers ot the jung
frau, and suys they must equip themselves or
stay at home.
Accompanying the above was minority
report, as follows:
The Dana theory. ia my opinion. is the most
striking instance Ut transmitted SmtRn instinct
have set seen. Although apt tn misleHtl ut
first sixht. its finer and more deeply seated rea-
snnings are nmonx the uut,lest and NEST i1npruy-
ing sLudie3 in the contemplation OF the ascent
and DESCENT Ut man. beg to inclose my back
dues for eighteen months to the kOyal Society,
with advance payments for the yeAr. and to
state that will cheerfuily contribute E5O
towards the contemplated 'Ciassiiicau ton nj the
1n9-Talled Monkeys Of Madr,ts " by your Illus
fr:ous body. h.re u'-dny decided 70 take y
p!ensure trip around tho world, and will forward
ut interest coming untler my notice Respect.
fully submitted. CHAhf4Es DARWIN, T. t. 5:
itit3e,ldum: Should your honorable body de-
sire Any further investigations into the same
subject will cncerfnl1y defer my trip. and shall
be- proud to serve. T. =.
The report being received, rhe Royal Socle~
t. was divided into contrasting factions, aud
dozen different voluntary committees applied
to the arbitration Ut the points ut
Issue. Some favored the opinion OF Prot. Dar~
win, others of Pfofs. Huxley AMI Iytdall.
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