The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1880-01-17
MRS, SMITHS PElDLER'S TRAP.
How San Francisco Housewife Dis.
criminated Between Those Who
Rang Her DO0r-BeA.
kSaH Francisco Ghrenicie.l

hAnS her U0or-H0As
kSaH Francisco Ghroniciel
Christmas was day of rejoicing in tn
Smith family. The good lady of tn
house had Just succeeded in perfeeting al
invention which is ultimately destine,
to revolutionize the great branches O
industrysknown by the term 'itinerate,
and to deprive hosts Of men Of a lucrativ,
employment. The demicile of tn,
Smiths is located on Mission street, Jus
between Weo6wards Gardens and oh,
city front. 1t may be recognized by the
front yard and the very peculiar canva.
apparatus which is attached to the fence
| This piece of canvas stretches from
the top of the fence to pair of poles
firmly fastened to the sidewalk below
and forms an inclined plane, reaching
nearly to the ground, which bears Close
resemblance to the netting used in gym
nasiums and eircuses as safe receptac,e L
for falling aerobats. This canvas ar.
rangement is only a portion of the great
invention alluded to above, the principal
part Of which is located beneath the
doorstep. For several years past Mrs.
Smith, in common with her sister house.
wives throughout the city, has been har-
assed by the visits of peddlers sewing.
machine agents, book agents, medical
eanvassers vegetable venders. travelling
tinsmiths, insurance solicitors and host
OF the other gentry who annoy and rem
der miserable the female population of
the city.
Mrs. Smith, less fortunate than many
housewives, is without a servant, and
has hitherto been compelled to make all
the way from three hundred to four hun
dred trips day to the front door. In
fact, the bell rang, tihkled, .buzzed and
ratified almost continually, and 80 great
was the strain upon the tintinnabulating
apparatus that new wire has to be put
in two or three times month, and even
the knob wore out quarterly. This state
OF affairs was not only expensive and
troublesome, but it was gradually re-
ducing Mrs. Smith to skeleton, and
she daily waxed weaker and more atten-
uated. She calculated, and calculated
very correctly, that she travelled from
six to eight miles day in her tramps to
the door.
At last Mrs. Smith, inspired by desper-
alton, hit upon the plan which has since
proved so effective. A skillful machinist
was Immediately employed and directed
to construct beneath the front doorstep
compact and powerful apparatus con-
nected with a spring on the inside of the
threshold, which, when pressed by the
light foot of Mrs. Smith, would suddenly
bring into play the great forces of the
hidden machinery and press the door
steps upward with such terrific velocity
that its unfortunate occupant would be
hurled into space. The flying peddler
was supposed, after being precipitated
from the doorstep, to describe graceful
parabola which would have its termina-
tion in the depths of the canvas.
The receptacle being an inclined plane,
was expected to gently drop the invol-
untary acrobat to the sidewalk below.
AT last the ingenious apparatus was COM
pleted and the mechanic assured the in
ventress that her idea would make the
young peddler shoot. thus unconsciously
inverting an old question. He also ex-
pressed his confidence that the aforesaid
canvas would invariably be the place of
descent. On the day before Christmas
Mrs. Smith placed chair near the door
and serenely awaited the jingle which
would indicate the approach Of her first
victim. She had not long to wait. Be-
fore ten minutes had expired the bell
gave premonitory 'tinkle. Opening the
door Mrs. Smith smiled on the outsider
with more complaisance than she had
manifested for years before. She did not
forget, however, to place her left foot in
convenient proximity to the little spring
before mentioned.
Madame" ingenuously asked the un-
conscious intruder, "may 1 sell you
sewing
He was, however, called away so sud-
denly that he had no time to complete
his question, for Mrs. Smith had pressed
the spring, the step had flashed upward.
and lol the poor sewing-machine man had
disappeared, Alas for human ingenuity,
however, he reappeared at the wrong
place, and, instead of falling into the can
vas SO kindly prepared for his conven-
ience, struck against the fence with great
violence, just after completing his third
somersault. The neighbors thought that
an unhappy aeronaut had been. pitched
from a balloon, and focked to the spot
in scores. The poor fellow had a leg frac-
tured, and the doctor across the street
added another to his list ofipatients. The
machine was Immediately perfected, and
by Christmas morning operated with
beautiful accuracy. During the morning
Mr.. Smith advocated the removal of the
canvas on the ground that intruders de-
served to suffer.
In the wee sma' hours Of yesterday
morning, however, he reached his house
in condition of semi-inebriety which
made his footsteps uncertain, and while
entering the door he was incautious
enough to place his right foot on the lit
tie spring before he removed his left foot
from the doorstep. The result was a
rapid aerial fight, fall into the canvas,
q slida IN the sidewalk and wolf hack