The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-07-22

You rip and snort and swear
You toss the broom aloft and brush
The moisture from your hair.
An hour passed on, the bug awoke
Among the babys clothes;
But through the blessed night thar bat
Sailef round without repose.
And when the dewy morn appeared,
With auburn eyes YOU rose
And slid with horrid irowns into
Your widely scattered clothes.
MORAL.
When COW bugs roam abroad and bats
Their dusky pinions spread;
BE sure you close the windows fast
Before you go 10 bed.
Fruit is so cheap and plentiful no,s
that the child of the poorest freeman in
the community can afford to have the
stolnach-ache.
There is one good thing about black
berry pies. They conceal the flies so
effectually that you never know you
have swallowed one until you throw il
up leg by leg.
The succulent watermelon is sneak
ing into the market In an elongated
form, and the dispenser OF cholera mix
lures is measuring out his doses with a
smile of intense satisfaction.
You might as well try to convince a
jay-bird that singing is not his forte, as
to persuade Pulaski business man
that he is not entitled to everlasting
honor when he knocks the ''middle
man" out of marble ring.
For long time we have tried to be-
lieve that this world Is not the cold
and cherries place it is said to be; but
when country fellow asked us the 9TH
er day what office Hancock was running
for, VIC suceumbed 20 the inevitable
conclusion that there is no real happi-
ness this side of the eeholess shore,
The republican papers, after thor
oughly investigating the record Of Mr..
William Ii. English, the democratic
candidate for vice. president, declare
with emphasis that he wears paper col
lars. We confess the charge is a serious
one at this season of the year, when the
Thermometer is soaring among the
nineties; but when we reflect tnat Mr..
English will be inaugurated March 4th,
when perspiration viii be out OF season,
we are not inclined to lay much stress
on this solitary objection.
The Hon. John Ballanfant lnfiated
his mighty lungs last Monday and an
nounced that he would open the can
vass for congress as an independent and
indiseriminate low-tax candidate
as soon as the election for
county officers is over. The Hon. John
as huge aggregation of flesh and when
he appears on the hastings the sover-
eign people will witness protuberance
OF abdomen unequaled since the days of
! FalstaH. The performance will be com
zeal, to say the least of il, and as the
times are dull it Is highly probable that
a wide mouth and a big belly, Ia the abb
sence Of anything more Interesting, will
attract following. In the meantime,
we advise the plethoric, but Honorable
John, to loosen his waist band and avoid
any undue excitement
The republican papers in their vain
attempts to find vulnerable spot Ia
cen. Hancoek's armOr, have removed
from his domestic circle the screen of
privacy which should protect IL from
the vulgar gaze of the multitude. They
have discovered, alas, that Mrs. Han
cock plays the organ for church choir.
We admit the truth,as well as the grav-
ity, OF this painful charge, and are pre-
pared TO concede, without dispute, the
loss Of several thousand votes but we
have found after patient inquiry and at
great expense, that Mrs. Garfield has
false teeth that she pretends to chew
gum before company when really she
can't mash a mush poultice between
her incisors and grinders without fear
of something dropping out; that she
takes snuff; that one OF her silk stock
ings is stretched over a cork leg and
that her father used to peddle razor
straps for living. She has other fol-
bles we do not care to mention just
her nose on the back Of
her hand and snoring at all hours OF the
night, for instance-but we do not wish
to continue this sort OF warfare unless
driven into it by the INSCRIPTIONS as
saults of the republican press