Connecticut western news., 1880-10-27
WIT AND WISDOM.
AFFAIRS in Spain have reached

WHY IS 1t that the clrcuS elephant never kills the clown or. the lemonade man?
 TIE fireplace is n grate thing, but an old oyster can punched full of fine holes is grater. sH+
 THAT woman who neglects her hus- bands shirt front is no longer the wife of his bosom.
 A MAN who always is" hunted by the sheriff may be "chased" although not always virtuous. .,s.
 IT IS difficult thing for dog with- out 0 tail to show his master how much he thinks of him.
 SHELL pink is fashionable color. The husband of the lady who wears the pink usually does the shelling. d IT IS not an easy task to so regulate. your life that when you come to die you will have nothing to regret. THE chap. who is hirin help for theg having season is one of the few men who do not want little mower.
 THE BEE can deliver stinging re-
 tort and yet keep it's mouth shut. This
 is where it has the advantage of the campaign orator.
 THE Monday morning papers always l publish an unusual number of crimes.
 This proves the American Sunday is
 truly day of arrest.
 THERE was. a young man in Chagrin,
 Who fell dead in love with twin; And whenever he kissed her | He found twas her sister, | This spooney young man of Chagrin.
 SoN AND heir" Ma, I wish you
 wouldn't leave me alone with baby,
 cause I have to eat all the jam, an
 oranges, an cakes, an things to amuse
 her p ..-. .a.-.t
 "NEvER borrow trouble" said hus-,
 band to his wife. "Oh, let her borrow
 it if she can," exclaimed the .next-door
 neighbor; "she never returns anything,
 you know" > H'F' s% ai&
 A SOUR Christian is just, like sour
 milk. Both were intended to be sweet,
 but something has turned them, and
 after being turned they both become
 worthless.
 II A i.
 organ grinder if he was survivor of the
 late war, and the organist replied:
 "Hang it, do I act as though I was killed in it?'' S 1A
 "WHo DO you love ?" said Jones to his sweetheart's baby sister. "I love oo," was the reply. t'And who does Sissy love?" "Sissy loves MT. Snaif,
 tos he tisses Ter. ">
 IT IS perfectly evident to a well bal anced mind that everybody else in the world is called to be religious, and equally evident that you are yourself called to do just as you please. zss-- "MY BoY," said conscientious
 teacher, "do you know the reason whyb
 am going to whip you?" "Yes,M replied the hopeful; q suppose it's
 because you're bigger than am" ,,.,; .,, SCIENCE enumerates 5sS species :ot. organic forms in the air we breathet Just think of it Every time you draw in breath whole geological garden 5 slips down your windpipe. Y ns.9 AN AMERICAN lawyer is now Attorpeysl T : two years he doesn't owns thes eiftire country, and hold the kings note for Ndp large sum, he is no credit to the 1Amefia can bar. +- --'' "WHAT are you doing out there, my daughter, in the night dew ?h sad the kindly old gentlman on the7e veraatlasi l Practicing fencing,'' was the sweet reply, as she leaned over the feAee tilp her face was dreadfully close to WilhaaAtes A MAN threw couple ofasu perannu- z ated eggs at an actress in'a. Philadel-1 phia theatre, and he was fi1edn $500 sfor- his little diversion. This is1$3, 0Q0raI z dozen for eggs, and notsery good, eggs at that. We seem to be, getting back to n war prices. ,,ss sa-ro+s vsbr,sf l To ROW or not to TOW ;. that is,r the. B. question. Whether 'tis nebler; in sthe, mind to suffer the slings and arrows of - outrageous fortune, ora to stakei oars. : against the sea of papers. and by, row l. ing, paraIyze them, Courtney ip his S great soliloquy. <,..- = .s'- T THAT was a very pointed and possibly @ 8 very wholesome bit of sarcasm when a
 gentleman tuned on. .a coxcomb, who
 had been making himself offensive; and
 said: "Sir, you. oughtto be the happfest
 man in the world; you arc in love with with s yourself, and you have no fiSal...'' 's-''s 'a' , "How long is 2 mah engaged m poli:c 3 tics to be considered . young man ?+s ?.s @ was the question put to a veteran states: man. GA nlnn is a!syodng man tilI-he Q becomes a cabinet minister" .:replied-' p the veteran, .ssbat he does not 1begniF - to grow old until hes ceases to be one. lAsl AN Illinois youth invested a. dollar D and a half in New York firm to dis4- 1" cover "4Howto appearlwen i'd society,"" ', ', The receipt which. ohea receiyeds by; rezs U turn mail. was aShort, simple aud seasIy.I 5 understood:- od:-"Alwaya>keep yeug gsnasec y clean, and don.t suck more thaAn:onev o finger at 0 time.!% sasSao s- as t.f as. :, 'sDoNf you think, "'tsaid d brether4 Q lawyer to Judge Underwood, "thata n Jim Pierson is the greatest liaryaof-a IF lawyer that you ever saw 2as T should q De sorry to say that of Brother Piessenss.s r replied the judge "but> he is certainty more economical of the truth than any :, other lawyer of the circuitP' fis 'e2sS ac V A FALSE friend resembles ashadow.s T # When the. sun shines and you -haves ,e plenty of money, the shadow and the $. friend are both close to your heels but