Connecticut western news., 1880-08-28
WIT AND WISDOM.


 A GOODNESS has sprung up between night and morning. '..
 "YEs," said Johnny, "lapsus may be the Latin for slip, but when mother laps us 1t usually means slipper Are you in earnest? Seize ths very minute What can you do or dream you can, begin it, Only engage, and then the mind grows heated Begin, and then the work will be completed"
 WHEN man and woman are made one, the question (Which one?" is 8 bothersome one until it is settled, as it soon is. ''" 5.-."
 A BOY will think he is killed if asked to rock his baby brother, but he will rock the hens in the next yard till his arm aches. .n
 AN imbecile who wished to make him. self agreeable to Longfellow said: ''Sir, every night of my life fall asleep over one of your works P '- '' >@
 SECRETARY THOMPSON says we have the best torpedo service in the world. That is something, to be sure, but just now there is nothing to blow up.
 A LITTLE, girl, noticing the glittering gold filling in her aunt's front teeth, ex- claimed: "Aunt Mary, I wish had copper-toed teeth like yours"
 IT IS SAID that woman's voice can be heard at distance of two miles by a man in balloon; but if spider was to get on her neck her voice could easily be heard 8 distance of ten miles on 8 level. r.'rgs.
 THE Buffalo Empress says that if Spain doesn't apologize for insulting the Amer ican flag we can ruin the Havana cigar industry by refusing to send brown pa per and cabbage leaves to Cuba.
 IT is better to have an opinion of your own and to be half wrong than to allow your lips to be shaped by others. The Danes say: "He who builds according to every mans advice will live in 8 very crooked house." ,.....f.
 "GooD MORNING" remarked two gen. tlemen as they stepped up to the bar. " Mornin'. gentlemen, whatlll it be?" asked the barkeeper. "Well, I'll take a Han cocktail" Give me ci-Gar-feld, said the other. and then they both laughed and said it was a very good joke. ..- ..- a.e.r.--
 AN UPTOWN landlord writes his own bill of fare, thereby saving the cost of printing. It announces: "Coffey. supe, rosie befe, fride hamm, boyled and bakt pertaters, fride could pudden, mins pyes, mutting chops, veele culverts, hasch and crucified chickens"
 THE manner of newspaper reporting in provincial village "An accident, which might have resulted fatally, hap pened yesterday to Madame Ia Marquise de Bonbeck, aged eighty years. Ed itor-in-chief making corrections: "We must put her down forty-five or she will stop her subscription.
 IT was good advice which the French nobleman gave his son when he left the paternal roof Nb seek his fortu uoe :- "Adolphe, it will be useful to you to boast of having great many friends, but you had better act as though you had very few. You can depend on your self better than on any one else"
 NEVER anticipate an evll. The dog does not suffer as much as the man, be- cause he does not feel any pain until the blow that hurts him has been struck, while the man fears that he will be struck, and so suffers twice instead of once. An Eastern proverb says: He is miser- able once who feels it, but twice who. fears it before it comes" l.
 MRS. D, is excessively sensitive about her age. She reveals it to nobody, and even quarrels with her husband if he risks the least aHusion to 1t. :, Lately she was put to terrible embarrassment. She was called as witness in court of jus ol~ 1rn eha be put under oath to tell her age, and she is very conscientious For three days and three nights she worrie about the matter. Then a great cam came over her. '"How old are you?'' asked the judge. "Thirty five years, she an swered, in an assured tone. Then, in an almost voiceless whisper, she added "and nine years more l'
 "Pet," said the fond wife to her bear of husband, as they drove along the broad road, 'sso that farm house is your birth place and home. How you must love every bit of it That queer old window" "I fell out of it once. !" :" That dear old moss covered we'll "Water's mean, and felldown it once. ," "That romantic old fence" "Got licked once for tearing my brooches on it." "That long, emerald sweep of meadow" "Used to have torake in it all day." "That tall, purpling wild cherry tree" Covered with ivy that poisoned my arms and legs and laid me Up for two weeks" l"That broad, round-topped chestnut, with the old gold blossoms-'' Neighbors stole all the nuts" "I spent my vacations over the lake, pet, and remember yon grotesque, yine-clad church---" "Yes, that's where I first saw you" -7 ..