The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1880-07-30
a. lElf4
THE LINERS.
The Husband Who Joined All the Secret
} Z OeaeS~.~
Modern Arso.1

and tinsed with gray, and eyes in
which cleaned the fires Of a detcrmina.
tion not easily balSed. She walked
into Major Houses Office and requested
Il private interview, and, having Oh
tanned and satisfied herself that the
law students were not listening at the
key-hole, said, slowly, sole,nn'y md
impressively ~ 10 y,.-,i.-..,....i ...l....y
IS ~, want a divorce" ..
."What for: I supposed you had
one of the best Of husbands" said the
Major lurl Est Il II IT, ae.t.a. &
AZ s'pose that's what everybody
thinks; but if they-knew what I've
suffered in ten years they'd wonder I
hadn't, sca.ded him long ago. I ought
to, but tar the sake of the young ones
I've borne it apd said nothing I've
told him, though, what he might de-
pend on,r and now tho times come
WON'T stand it, young ones or no young
ones I'll have a divorce, and ifthe
ncighbors want to blab themselves
,hoarse about it they can, for won't
stand it another day.. .",
"But what's tho matter? Don't
Your husband provide for you ?, Don't
he treat you .ldtnrsd Kindly ~ pursued the
awe get victuals enough, and don't
know but he's as true and kind as men
in general, and he's never Knocked any
Of us down. I,wish he had, then I'd
get him intojail ana know where he
was nights,"' rctorted the woman. 10,
''Then what's your complaint against
him.M ,s5&' -, ava. : b .n. ~
ts1vell, if you must know, he's one
OF them plaguey jiners.''
ga what 2" ,-ra,
: GA jiner-one of them pesky fools
that's always jining something. There
can't nothing come along that's dark
and sly and hidden, but he'll jine it.
If anybody should get up a society to
burn his house down, he'd jine 1t just
as soon as he could get in; aud II he
had to pay for It, he'd 60 all the
suddener. We hadn't been married
more'n two months before he jiDed the
now-Nothtn's. We lived on a farm
then, and every Saturday night he'd
come tearing in before supper, grab a
fistful of ,nutcakes, and 60 OF gnawin'
them, and that's the last I'D see Of him
till morning. And every other night
he'd roll and tumble in his bed, and
holler in his sleep: 'Put none but
Americans on guard-George WASH
ington and rainy days he would no
out: in the corn-barn and jab at a pic
ture of the Pope with an old bagnet
that was there. I ought to put my
foot down then, but he fooled me SO
with his lies about tho Pope's coming
to mako all the Yankee girls marry
lrishman, and to eat up all the babies
that weren't born with a cross ON their
foreheads, that II let him go on and
encouraged him in it.. -. 60 ..l'', u
ssThen he jined the Masons. .P'raps
you know what them bc, but don't
'cept they think they ,aro the sumo
kind of critters that built Solonon's
Temple and took care of his concu-
bines ;and Of all the darned nonsense
and CAB about worshipful master and
square and compasses and sich like
that we had in the house for the next
SIX months, you never see the beat.
And he's never outgroWed it nuther.
What do you think of a man, Squire,
that'll dress hisself in a Il white apron,
bout big enough fora monkeys hip,
and go marching up and down, and
making motions, and talking the fool
ish lingo at a picture of George Wash
ington in green jacket and Il truss on
his stomach Amt nc a Ioonytick :?
Well, that's my sam, and I've stood
it as long as Pm agoin' to.
''Ihe next lungc the old fool made
was into the ODD Fellows. l made it
warm for him when no como home
and told mo he'd jincd them, but nc
kinder paciticd me by telling me they
had sort of branch show that took in
women and he'd get me in as soon as
he found out how to do it. Well, one
night he come home and said I'd been
proposed, and some body had black
balletl me. Did it hissclf, of course.
Didn't want mo around knowing to
his goings on. or course he didn't,
and / told him so.
"Thcn fIe jincd the Sons OF Matter.
Didn't say nothing to INC about it, but
sneaketl Off one night, prctendin' he'd
got to set up with q sick Odd-fellcr,
and pd never found it out, only he
come homo lookin' like a man that
had been through thrashing- machine,
and wouldn't do n thing for him till
he owned up. And SO it's gone from
bad to wus, and from wus to wusser,
jining this and that and tother till he's
Worship Minister of the Masons, and
Goddess of Hope of the Odd Fellows,
and Sword-swallowcr of the Finncgans,
and Virgin Cerus of the Grange, and
Grand Mogul of the Sons of Incidence,
and Twoedgcd Tomahawk of the
United Order of Black Men, and Tale
bearer of the Mcrciful Manikins, and