The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1880-04-13

"a
}sH|l lalIsgR
asy A lady told her little son, who
was teasing her for something to eat, to
wait until breakfast. With a tear In his
eye he burst out 1 jest honestly some
times think you're a step mother.
-.---A-
az When white man kills another
he Is hung when red man commits
murder he is treated to trip to WASH
ington. Well, what's the difference?
Isn't 1t Capital punishment in each
case
HT " And were all the little birds
drowned, 2" Mamma (who had
OCCn bCiinB biS blDII Vi bnt uclukCJ--
"Yes, all but those who were in the
ark" Willie" Then 1 do think they
were stupid. Why didn't they get in a
row on top of the ark 20
Ra " 1 can't trust you," said rum
seller to an impoverished customer
You should let liquor alone. If you
hadn't drank SO much of it you might
now be riding in your carriage. 2" And
IL you hadn't sold it," retorted the vic
tim, "you'd have been my driver"
-
E5g When a schoolmaster from the
East Instructed his Minnesota scholars
that ragout was pronounced "ragoo,"
the committee came round and told him
that they couldn't repose any confidence
in man who couldn't pronounce such
simple words as 50 rag and "out,''
and must have his resignation.
-@s---
g1- If the county would give me as
much money as it paid fees for sendin
me here" remarked a vagrant in Jail,
" could buy an outfit and go prospect
in. Instid o. usin' me to develop the
resources of the country, they stick me
in here and board and lodge me fur three
months fur nothing. Laws queer
layout"
Rg" A company of scapergraccs meet
ing pious old man named Samson, one
of them exclaimed All, now we're
safe. Well take Samson along with us,
and then should we be set upon by
thousand Philistines, he'll slay them
ALL" my young friend," quietly re-
sponded the old man, &C. to do that
should have to borrow your jawbone !"
g9S' You do not mean to call that
yard, do your" said an indignant house
hunter, looking at the little enclosure at
the rear of 'an elegant residence"
which the broker was showing him.
Why, there is not more than three
feet of ground there. -" Well, said the
imperturbable house agent, three feet
make yard, do they not ?''
A certain young woman named Hannah
Slipped down on piece of banana;
She shrieked and oh, my'd!
And more stars she spied,
Than belong to the star spangled banner.
A gentleman sprang to assist her,
And picked up her muff and her wrister;
Did you fall, ma'am?" he cried
''Do you Think y she replied,
i sat down for the fun of it, Mister 7"
GO" Do animals have fun,o asks
some unobserving individual. Of
course they do. When COW switches
her tail across the face of the man VIII o
is milking her, steps along just two
yards and turns to see him pick up his
stool and follow, she has the most
amused expression on her face possible,
and if she can kick over the milk pail
she grows positively hilarious.
HT Old Cooper is a Dutchman, and
like many another man, has a wife that
is some. One day the old man got into
some trouble with neighbor, which re-
suited in severe fight. The neighbor
was getting the better of the old man,
which Cooper's wife was not slow to
see. The old man was resisting his enc
my to the best of his ability, when his
mi 10 brolra n,,k xptfh. 10 atifI C0opor