Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-02-26
All Sorts.

This Is only an alleged winter.
Traces of tears draw sympathy.
If you eat onions it will leek out.
This is the year for maiden efforts.
Men go to the tailor to pay forfeits.
The lawyers favorite pudding
Brightest when it's bluest-The sky
Out of season-An empty pepper
box.
A composition makes money hand ov.
er fist.
Song of the piano men-"Hold the
Forte"
Pickpockets become watchmakers in
crowd.
The mule always puts his best foot
hindmost.
Nowadays rolling mill gathers no
mortgage.
A courtship's only crew consists of
two mates.
There is good deal in a name-to a
bank check.
Adams fall was followed by Sc
we're winter.
1t is good to keep Lent-but not a
lent umbrella.
No, Rebecca; you do not cook beef on
cattle range.
A tail that is tolled IS one clipped on
with u Ratchet.
Medieval pilgrimages were go as you
please matches.
Leap year motto-''Pirates of Penn
ance." p. o. p.
The young ladies' dressmaker must
never make mis-fit.
1t is the amateur fisherman who
sometimes hires haul.
No cold snap has yet warmed the
hearts of the ice dealers.
Sampson can be recognized in the
oratorio by his long 'airs.
A pistol in mans pocket is not a
mitigating circumstance.
This is what might be called an open
winter-open to criticism.
The small boy in Florida is doubled
up by eating fresh cucumbers.
A man cares little for his wrongs
when getting his funeral rites.
The backbone of this winter can new
er be broken. 1t is too Timber.
Paradoxical as it may seem a lamp
post is heavy and light post.
An eagle OH "a ten-dollar gold piece
is worth five hundred in the air.
Going through without change does
not suit the sleeping-car porters.
Everything changes except the
newsboy. He never has change.
The poem 1.-The Empty Sleeve" was
not written about Poker Schenck.
The man who inquiries the way of q
country maiden is always miss-direct-
ed.
It is said Edison is perfecting an cleo
trio shirt-bosom for the cheap hotel
clerk.
Whom the gods would destroy they
first fill full IF confidence that it is not
loaded.
A hypocrite is man who tries to be
pious and can't with a preponderance
of cant.
An Ohio newspaper speaks of man
being bruised by ''emphatic gestures
of a mule"
Rule for man who would purchase
a new good watch-By its works you
shall know it
Courtney has been outdone. The
Columbia crew has had half dozen
boats sawed.
"Great God" exclaimed the great
Napoleon, chow rare men are!" Ma
poleon liked his men well done.
When the poor of city ask bread
they are given paving-stones, and
made to lay them in the streets.
"Never let a cold rum" says doc
tor. Bad advice. He wants you to
catch it, and make work for him.
The best remedy for cold feet is to
call at house where they keep big
dog and don't feed him very high.
A bride may wear a very plainly
wants to have it pulled in the papers.
The barber sends his children to the:
carpenters for shavings and the shoes
maker sends his to school for whackss
The sight Of bank cashier making
his way towards the depot has started
more than one run on Chicago banks,
If Samson had but possessed the
shrewdness of bald headed man he
never would have suffered shame and
defeat by having his hair cut.
1t is said that the thirsty souls who
attend the dinners of Mrs. Hayes In
Washington welcome the Roman
punch by the name of the 'life-boat."
The man who invented s'Boom'
Should be thrown in Did, dark room,
And over his head
A blanket spread,
As y hint of his coming doom.
The only bad thing about a burglar
alarm is the fact that it gives the bur-
glar chance to run before you can OPP
en- window and give him fatherly ad-
vice.
Campanini had ''syncope" in St.
Louis. They do have the funniest