Connecticut western news., 1880-08-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

FORTUNE can only take from us what she gave. -.. ra, r..c-.
 THE promises of some men always re. main shall owe. .s.-n
 THERE IS no road so even but it has it's stumbling places. ,.
 SOME people go out for wool, and come home shorn.
 THE SMOOTH bore is, the chap who rifles your pocket.
 BETTER to have loved short girl than never to have loved tall "a
 THE Western papers tell of a boy who "peered fatally in the muzzle of shot gun." .a'--- l AN EXCHANGE says: "To make a good monkey wrench, feed him on green ap. ples." .vtF1s- HE WHO stops to pick flaw in others knitting work, drops many stitches in
 RowELn, the pedestrian, is writing hisa biography. It will be in rather irunical strain.
 THE JEST that gives pain is no jest, nor IS that lawful pastime which inhicts an injury.
 SOME women were evidently born to blush unseen,' at least they are never seen to blush. 1 2. t,-- A ROCHESTER youth who was left $lO,- 900 spent $1 900 on his first spree He has nine sprees left.o yr-.
 VAIN IS science to him who has not adored the feet of the ineffable Being who everywhere exists.
 THE WAY to judge, character is to com- pare men with men, and not with ideals of what they should be.
 THE BELL boys of hotel are called Front because when sent out it is never known when they will be back. -...
 AN EXCHANGE says Very few hens lay at the point of death.' Perhaps they would if they could seelthe point. ARE you in earnest Seize this very minute, What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genins power and magic in it. Only engage, and then the mind grows heated Begin, and then the work will be completed.
 WHEN man offers nice present to his wife to induce her to prepare dinner for friend, is it not an extra-dish-in treaty. " a1#a.< yG
 "YoU SEE how bald I am, and don't wear @ wig" "True, sir" replied the servant. An empty barn requires no thatch !" .. ,.4 ,,
 A BOY aged twelve years and girl of thirteen were married the other day. Uncle John says it was a case of children playing with matches. ''PooR Richard" has given both chapter and
 For living on sixpence day But the Tanner receipt is far better for purse
 Air, water, and nothing to pay.
 LIFE is pack of cards. Childhood's best cards are hearts youth is captured by diamonds middle age is conquered with club; while old age is raked in by the unsuitable spade. s"
 WALK through some of the dirty scums of the great metropolis and you can realize the force of the words, "The man who enters here leaves soap be- hind. - WtStehou I'ines.
 Is it 8 good picture?" asked dubious friend. "Good l" was the re- ply of the enthusiastic picture gatherer. "Good We'll, I should say so. You'd almost think it was chromo."
 "ToM," said a girl to her sweetheart, you have been paying your distress to me long enough. It is time you made known your contentious, so as not to keep me in expense any longer"
 "WML YOU have some strawberries ?" asked lady of guest. "Yes, madam; I eat strawberries with enthusiasm "Do tell We haven't anything but cream and sugar for them this even- ing"
 IF YOU peep under your pie at the bot tom crust, your hostess will feel insult al x,.>r1 l< rk ,,oIx klo s,,go o1~ servation your stomach may be insulted. The only safe rule in this dilemma is to insult the one you can afford to insult.
 "I DON'T like Jones" said Snodgrass. "No," he added, after pause, 'I don't like him. The fact is, Jones speaks so much of himself; tells so much, you know, that he doesn't leave any room for the imagination. Does any reader know Jones? rf.
 A TENNESSEE suitor wrote to his sweetheart as follows: "Your father kicked me last night, and forbade me the house. If whipped him, would it lessen your love for me?" She replied that it wouldn't, and the parent was soundly thrashed.
 DAUGHTER of Cabinet Minister.-"I would give me pleasure to use my inhu- snce with papa for the appointment you want, but it is already filed" Appi- ,ant-"Oh, but surely he could put in a as we'll. There must be nothing to do enough for twop
 THE boy stood in the melon patch
 When all but him had fled,
 And visions of royal feast
 Went dancing through his head.
 But the farmer and the bulldog came,
 And the boy, oh where is he?
 Go ask the doctorman who patched
 His sore an-at-o-mee