The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-11-05

III make your nose as red
AS any In the land.
One by one the tender and romantic merl-
ories that cling TO the medieval days are
being knocked ont of time. A castle in
Spain was recently sold at auction for
$500.
A telephone operator, when asked to
say grace at dinner the other day, horrifi-
ed the party, in fit of Observation-Disclosures.
by bowling his head and shouting s'Hcllo
hello ~ Force-ot habit.
The autumn days are lingering
In sweet summers sot: caress,
Still, it's rather late this season
For the Saint TO beat Maud S.
When they laid before the Car the de-
tails of the latest dynamite plot. he looked
over the papers languidly and said ''Oh,
well, life has its compensations after all
my mother-in-Iaw is dead.''
''Why, Frankly exclaimed mother
at summer boarding house, II never
knew Jon to ask for a second piece of pie
at home.'' 81 knew 'twaut no use.n said
Frankly, as he proceeded with his pie eat
ing.
Come into the stable Mand.
You've beaten two-eleven
Come into the stable. Maud,
I'm in the seventh heaven.
A South Hill debating club is wrestling
with ''Can Community Exist With
out Women - We think it might exist
for while, but then it wouldn't know
what was going on.
Over his sweetheart he leaned and laughed;
picnic boy with clear blue eye.
Foolish and idle he sat him::down-
Heaven help his pants-it was custard pie.
When an Indian doctor has lost five
patients, the survivors of the tribe send
him after them to see what has become of
them. After all, the Indians would lose
some advantages by civilization.
Evidences of civilization mark the death
of Ute Chief Ouray. He LETT property
worth 100000, and win, over which
lawyers are now quarreling just as If the
savage had been the best white man in the
world.
A New Jersey clergyman pl omises an ad-
dress on t'How may pastor Interest his
people in missions ?'' If he be a particu-
larry dull pastor, he might interest the
most obtuse congregation by offering to
60 upon one.
The reform in spelling has got stuck
Detroit Free Press. Naught mutch. In
sted of leving al the letrz out OF wurd,
| theygh are now crowding all the letters
| possible into one. Phood for rephlection.
Wives of great men oft remind US
We may make our wives sublime,
Forty dollars for bonnet
Knocks check-book out of time.
Beethoven's piano is in the market, and
already several relic-hunters have offered
| large price for it. Beethoven will be
| remembered as the composer of several
tugues. A fugue is simply the 1914 puzze
| set TO music.
''Whither art thou going, Charles
| Whittier hast thou stayed these many DAYS
Whittier are the fond hopes thou lodged iE
this bosom WHITTIER" And the brute
interrupted with the irrelevant proposi
ton that there was such thing as being
| too all-coucernedly witheredi
'sIIave you been on bust lately ?'' sait
the shoulder-brace to the corset.-Kokonac
Tribune THAT'S no bodies business bur
my own." replied the corset Yaeccol
Strauss. ''That's a gallows answered, :
said the shoulder-brace. ''Tt's about tfmt
to suspend-er remarks. Wen call Il
square without playing the rubber"
The pale moon casts its efalgent rays,
Upon the sinful earth
The while the pale girl figures up
How mnch her beau is worth.
The pale youth heaves hollow htsv
And turneth paler still,
And murmureth, 'sTis sweet to love,
i But blast this tailor's-bill.-
It is astonishing how completely SOM,
people can be absorbed IN their owl
thoughts. A prominent candidate. win
gives up the whole of his mind 20 politics
met prominent church member, who re
I marked that his church had just got . nes
organ. 81 hope it will support tlb reg,l
lar nominees,' was the aiosent-minde
reply.
Eighteen years ago JEFF Davis offered
! reward for the capture Of Ben Iutlrr :