The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1880-08-20
THE DARK HORSE.

in circaAtion by her less favored sitter
hood, credited with being q desperate
little flirt-in fact, what Billy Rice,
the minstrel, used to cali a ssfalseheart-s
ed crokay." At all events her affec-
tions were of sufficiently indefinite
quality to cause her two most favored
visitors to look upon each other with
the most vindictive feelings common
to hated rivals. These gentlemen
who were respectively a City Hall
clerk, with eyeglasses and freckles,
named Piiff, and a red-heatled dry
goods manipulation called -Diggs-oc-
cupied the intervals devoted to gloom
lily sitting each other out three evenings
a week in fruitless attempts to discover
which of the two was really the COM
ing man In the matrimonial race, so 10
speak.
Last Thursday morning Miss Sniff
fey, in response to business-like ring,
admittedssa mid le-ageda party with
black beafd, and wearing blue goggles
and long-taIIed ulster -
81 am taking the census, num-" he
said, opening fiat book on che piano,
and getting out some blanks, .just
look sharp, please, and answer the
necessary questions"
Miss Smiley trembled a little, as
women always do for some reason
when talking to government official,
and said she'd try.
"Lem'me see-your names Smiley,
I believe-first name?'
ssSusan." II EFi
s'Middle name ?'
"Haven't got any, SIR" ,A 4-s .a
"Come now, young woman no pre-
variation. Are you sure you havn't
got middle name somewhere, and are
trying to conceal it Pr
"No, sir; indeed havin't,'' said the
lady, turning pale. ssI wouldn't de-
ceive you." or
"You'd better not, mum. The pen
atty is twenty-five years at hard labor,
or both.''
"Fact, mum, Now then, let's see
what's next. All! yes-how often
married?'
"Not once YETI
.'Ahum. Going to, l suppose? Been
asked, eh?" -. -
"Oh! yes, sir several times !"
"Call it six times,' said tho census
man, making an entry. "What's next?
All! ycs-is your back hair false ?"
"M-m-must answer that?'' f
''Of course you must. Don't trifle
with the United States government,
mum. Come now"
"That'if do; Well call it mixed.
Teeth sound ?''
eyes, sir :" with much emphasis.
"Don't get excited. Let's see Pm
put your ago down as twenty-five. The
United State never allows us take a
wonan's age on oath. They will lie
can't help it, 1 guess.''
tI'm just eighteen. l don't care
whether the government likes it or
not" said the citizeness, snappishIy.
s'Of course, of course; they all say
that. Pay attention, please. What
size corset ?'
ssEh ?''
"Must answer, mum. Remember
the penalty. How many inches around !
the waist ?''
"Wel1, if you must know, sixteen.
But think it's just shame
'sNo remarks, if you please. Ahem
Well call it nineteen. They generally
throw off about three inches, / find.
Size of shoe ?''
"Two-but 1 can wear ono and a."
"I'll return you as II No. 4. That's
about what ahreer' always says.
ANY beaux2''
"W-w-wh-at?"
az say, any bcaux /? and be very care
full about your answer, mum. The
Washington authorities arc very par
ticular on this point. Has everything
to do with tho next census, you sec.
Now, how many sweethearts ?''
"Well-ofcoursc-t are some gen
t1emen coming hcrc-and--''
"Of course there are; I've got you
down in the Good Looks space as "a.
A. I. L. handsome So, of course,
you have plenty of admirers. All the
government requires, however, is the
principal one."
"WeIr' said the young lady, some
what Modified, "there's Jimmy Phif,
and Tom Diggs, and"
"Hold up right there! Which of 'em
DO you intend to marry?' said the
enumerator of population earnestly.
"Oh, neither OF them. There's
ahem! there's u splendid gentleman
named Scudberry-Charlie Scudberry
perhaps you know him? He has big
brown eyes and beautiful curly hair,
avid--o
Sand do these-these other gentle
men-PliH and Diggs-know of the
existence of this-this fellow, Scud-
berry? ?"
.oh, moi Pm too smart for that
Just Jag them along to buy ice cream