The true northerner., 1880-07-30
WAITS AND WHIMS.
The shades of night go about dewing

good
VERY few hens lay at the point OF
death.
THE baby is musical because he has
arrived at the bandage.
THEY dress expensively who go to the
lawyer for their suits.
SPARKLING across a garden fence ad-
mits of a good deal being said on both
sides.
AFTER all, it was girl, and not boy
who ''stood on the burning deck 1t was
Cassie b. Anca.
A MECHANIC wants to know if the com
pany for the making OF artificial limbs Is
joint stock one.
THE Boston Transcript has discovered
that we meet great many warm friends
during the heated term.
ONE man was threatening to whip
another. "Well," said the other, "a
bull can whip philosopher.
AN Illinois girls toast-"The young
men of America-Thelr arms our sup
port, our arms their reward; fall III, men,
fall in."
AN elderly maiden lady, hearing it re-
marked that matches are made IN
heaven, remarked that she didn't care
cent how soon she went there.
SAN experienced cutter" is advertised
for in the New York World. They
doubtless want him to bobtail paragraphs
for their humorous column.
McFLANNERY heard gentleman say
of another that he had too benign
countenanoe, and remarked: ga be 9
countenance ! Phwat a face, to be
sure
AN old lady says she never could i'm
agine where all the Smiths came from
until she saw, in New England town, a
large sign, "Smith Manufacturing Com
pany.
A GENTLEMAN advertises that his por-
trait (in oils) has been stolen. There is
nothing remarkable about this, though,
for every one is having his likeness taken
nowadays.
The word "dear" is one of the greatest
inventions in the English language.
Every married man can say "my dear
wife, and no one can tell just exactly
what he means.
''IN the sentence, John strikes Will
liam,' remarked a school teacher,
"what is the object of strikes?' "Higher
wages and less work. promptly replied
the intelligent youth.
A FRENCHMAN cannot pronounce
''ship." The word sounds "sheep" in
his mouth. Seeing an iron-clad, he said
to boy. els dis war Sheep "No,"
answered the boy, ''it's ram.
If you get in a passion, my dear
friend, don't fly around and swear, and
make all manner of foolish assertions.
Just steal away and lie down in the sun
while. A soft tan, sir, turneth away
wrath.
vine her mouth with her dress sleeve,
asked her what her handkerchief was for.
Said the little one: 1t Is to shake at the
ladies in the street. That is what papa
does with his.
WHEN Missouri grocer got up in a
revival meeting and owned up that he
had sold dollar tea out of the tifty-cent
chest for over ten years, the brethren were
Gerry backward about telling him that he
would hope for forgiveness.
"DAsHAwAY is a great reader, isn't
hep" asked Jones, the unsophisticated.
Never heard that he was Why do
you asll?' Smith replied. "Why, at the
races, the other day, while the rest of us
were enjoying the sport, he talked of
nothing but his books" ooh !"
"MAMMA," said little girl, ''as peo-
pie get old does their hair grow quarrel
some?' "Why no, my child! What
ever put such a notion in your head?"
81 thought it must be so, ma, because I
heard that old peoples hair is constantly
falling out!'
MAJOR MoRINGcALL-"Now, my dear
Miss Lancytt, whilst L enjoy little
MADEIRA, favor me with your latest song"
Miss Certainly, Major; my
last is Drink, Puppy, Drink. ," The
Major tainted.
A MAN, noted for the non-payment of
his bills, remarking that he "sprang
from Mother Earth" bystander said:
Z" If that's so you are disgrace to your
maternal ancestor. Chow SOP" Be-
cause she always settles in the spring,
and YOU neUer settle" was the reply.