davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1880-06-10
A Lawyers Rage.

Some years ago n patent medicine
man of st. Louis wrote a confidential
letter to a young man in this city re-
questing him to send the names Of all
the very fieshy men in Little Rock. The
young man with full appreciation Of a
happy plan suddenly struck upon, sent
the names of all the very lean men in
town. The effect was very decisive A
short time after q prominent lawyer,
whose leanness has ever been subject
of remark, received letter which read:
"Dear Sir: Our American nnti-fat
remedy will white the fat from you in
six davs. Send us 25 cents"
The letter was thrown aside, not with.
out few expressions of ingratitude
The next mail brought another with
tho following contents:
"Dear Sir-If you have decided to
surrender your.paunch, send US the %
cents" .....
By this time the genial man was
warm. He cursed all the patent medi-
cine men in the world. Several days
after this boy came 10 the office and
handed the lawyer letter. On the en-.
velope was written: "Opened by mis-.
take; Miss jackson" The lawyer took
the letter and read: .'.'
DEAR SIR: We are sorry that your
abdominal protuberance is giving you
so much trouble. This is your own
fault, for our American antifat will act
like a drawing knife in whiting you
down. a...' ..F0'H ...-.7.'''
The lawyer sat for fifteen minutes in
deep meditation. He was disturbed by
the entrance of a lean minister who
drew letter from his pocket, and hand
ing it to the lawyer remarked
IL don't understand this" ".-' s.'
This letter read: .i m.H
DEAR SIR: Don't feel that you are
always to be burden to yourself. We
can boil off your stomach until you'll be
as trim as a racer Mr.. - q promi.
nent lawyer Of your city, who, as you
know is perfect mountain Of flesh, is
being treated by us. '''4. l'.'
The lawyer didn't say word; but
when the minister had gone, ne addressed
the following letter to the st. Louis Gee
tor "If you ever send me another one
of your diabolical documents, I'll stick
a sixsEooter down your throat and fire
every shot into your Internal stomach.
The doctor has stopped writing. Little
Rock Gazette
, 1880-06-10
A Sapphire that Weighs a Pound.

The London Telegraph says that Ber-
lin has just learned to its astonishment
and qualification, from a report of the
Polytechnic Society's latest meeting,
that within it's walls reposes treasure
Of almost fabulous wealth, the very ex-
istence of which had been hitherto un.
suspected. A member of the above
Damed society is the enviable owner Of
the largest sapphire in the world--a
stone weighing nearly fifteen ounces. Pure
sapphires Of good color hold so high a
rank in the gem market that, were this
gigantic jewel of the first water, it would
be worth no less sum than 5000, ,00O
1t is, however, not absolutely free from
impurities, fact which materially di-
minishes its practical value, but enor-
nous bids for it, made at different times
by German Princes and wealthy miner
alogists, have been invariably rejected
by its proprietor, who has constituted it
an heirloom, and confided it, in deposit,
to the custody of the State judicial au-
thorities. A sapphire weighing nearly
pound may fairly claim to rank as
among the wonders of the world. 1t
would be interesting to learn how so
extraordinary gem came into the pos
session Of a Prussian savant who ex-
bibited it to the wonder-stricken gaze of
his fellow polytechnicians the other
evening. 10.
, 1880-06-10
Not Her Motto.

A Woodward avenue officer was the
other day halted near the City Hall by
200 pound woman with parcel in her
hand, and she requested to be directed
to the store where they sold notices. He
asked her which particular store she
wanted, and she explained:
"Well, l can't tell My old man
came to town yesterday, and I wanted
him to buy the motto Of God Bless Our
Home He got in somewhere where
they told him that stylish folks no longer
hung up that n otto, and the old idiot
brought home this one."
She unrolled the parcel and held up a
card on which was hastily painted:
"Don't ask for credit-Our terms are
cash."
"You needn't grim" she said as she
rolled up the card again; T'm heavy on
foot, and The walking is bad, but I'm 60
ing to walk this town till I find theman
who got this thing off on Samuel for
God Bless Our Home. Detroit Free
Press. ......
Wy n, ."
, 1880-06-10

Men are geese, and women are ducks,
and birds of feather flock together
The athlete who expects to win in a
hurdle race, like the slumberer whose
breast is the repository of many secrets,
should never talk in his leap.
The great "tyhee," the world re-
nowned, star bangled spanner, the' hyn"
medicine man of the Missachohoganies
will soon be in town. "Hoopla big
Ingin me p
, 1880-06-10

twill never do to advise the patriotic
Boston women to vote as they fight.
There would be too much scratching at
the polls.
, 1880-06-10

Woman's writes-Postscripts.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
* -

EDS. FARMER:--1f your correspond
ent, s:Dash,'' would not be quite so
economical Of the truth, it would look
better for holding the position he does.
I'll defy him or anyone else to show
Il more orderly and prosperous town
on the line of the road than Perham
is. We have five saloons, kept more
orderly than the general run of ''wet
goods" and l take pleasure in stating
that thieving is unknown here. It is
Il wonder to me that the employees
could guard the few things that are
shipped, rs ''Dash" says business is
rather dull. Imust say he has very
little ''dash" about him to let 4 man
''dash'' off with the venison. Come
''D,sl," give us a t'stiff'' in some
thing else. A saddle of venison walk
ing off towards the rising sun with a
cheeky individual is too ''thin.' Give
us q rest,--somebody has sold you--
they have saddled t..s;fferent kind Of
deer onto you. r. Do.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
" those hauling wood and ties.

by those hauling wood and ties.
One year ago and the settlers fol.
lowed winding roads through the tim
ber, around trees and stumps. Since
then roads have been cut through on
many lines, and we will soon have
long straight broadways.
The fine claims are being rapidly
taken, and we look hopefully forward
to the not far off day when this new
country shall be filled with pleasant
homes and teeming with plenty.
Messrs. Cary and Brown are putting
4 bridge across Wing River, at this
place--an improvement very much
needed.
The school in our new school house
seems quite interesting, and is pro.
crossing finely with over twenty regu-
lar scholars.
There was social hop at Mr.. P.
Williams, last Friday evening, and a
pleasant time is reported.
OCCASIONAL.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
OAK VALLEY.

The weather seems to have cought
cold, and the best remedy can find
for such attacks, is stove we'll filed
with dry oak wood, (of course there
must be a fire not far from the woody
and keep close to the stove. This is
the last opportunity we will have in
1880 for furnishing the gossip of our
various neighborhoods for our friend,
the FARMER; but, if the old year is
about to expire, l am happy to say,
the FARMER seems to be thriving and
doing we'll. I will wish it happy
New Year, as the new year is near at
hand.
If the people around here had not
had almanacs telling them that Satur-
day was the 25th of Dec, we would
hardly realize that Christmas had
made us it's yearly visit.
Hauling wood and ties does not
seem to be 4 fashionable occupation
here, though l see by some Of the
correspondents that in some places it
is call the rage There has been IL
little wood hauled to town from
around here, and a load or two of ties.
We drop in behind in that business,
although, this winter SO far.
The threshing machine belonging
to Sidney Packard. commenced opera
tions last Thursday at A. C. Pack
ards; finished the job Saturday, about
noon. They had considerable bad
luck, by way of breakage. The ma.
chine is not warrented to thrcsh
grubs. and it's teeth failed to be strong
enough to masticate them. Grain, as
we'll as grubs, seems to be plenty in
this country, so it is best to thresh
the grain, us the grnbs will cook bet
ter (when we'll dried) in stove, than
in threshing machines, and without
danger Of causing any dental work to
be necessary.
n. II. Packard took, or caused to
be taken, the lives of two swine last
Wednesday.
Everything now goes to show that
A. n. J. O. Keef, will have Il cold
disagreeable trip to the woods this
week.
Mr.. Williams team was the first to
break the track through our valley
to Waden:l, since the snow storm of
Saturday night and Sunday, and they
found some snow SO deep that they
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30

until he is taken into custody by the
police, and think that man was one OF
natures noblemen till lie received
from my hands the poison that has re-
duced him to such q state that his
nearest friends would recoil from in
horror; and have make him thus for
few dollars. Any man that can look
upon such a sight without feeling
some qualms of concience. as l said
before, must be very depraved indeed.
If no one had to suffer but the one
that imbibes, l would not feel quite
so antagonistic toward the saloon
keeper as do, but the innocent have
to suffer for the guilty. If aman was
foolish enough to throw his money
into the Golfers of the saloon keeper,
and no one had to suffer but himself,
it would be altogether different, al
though then it would be bad enough,
God knows. A man will step up to
the bar and spend his hard earned
weeks wages, the last dime, and the
man behind the bar knows his wife
and children are at home suffering for
the most common necessities of life.
Perhaps that very night, if it had not
been for some kind hearted neighbor,
they would have to so to bed supper
less; and it does not end even here,
but at late hour the husband and
father, maddened by drink, rushes in.
to the house, snatches the very cover
lid from the already poorly furnished
bed, returns to that den of poison, and
pawns it for one more drink. Does
the saloon keeper refuse to take it
and advise him to return it to his
family? No, forsooth. He takes it.,
caring little for the numbed forms it
should at that very moment he pro-
tecting from the cold. But I must
draw this to a close, lest I try the
patience of some of my readers too
much this time. When I get to writ
ing Oh this subject can hardly find a
stopping place. In closing will say,
young men, men of all classes and
ages, it would be better, far better for
you and the community at large. if
you would turn wood sawyer, than q
saloon keeper. There is no evil at
tending that, no suffering women and
| children will curse you. It is at least
honorable. VIOLA COLE.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
WADEyA, MIMI, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 3o $780,

that Mrs. Draper has been under the
doctors care for two or three years,
and of late has been gradually i'm
proving. DR.. Farward was called to
set the broken limb.
James Kasson has received his new
stock of dry goods and groceries, and
is dealing them out at lively rate,
but says that he wants more trade,
and that he is going to advertise soon.
Is Parkers Prairie to have a saloon!
This is question that is beginning to
agitate the public mind.
H. L. Vets & Olsen finished thresh.
ing the 18th inst. The last job was
threshed for w. 7. Mason.
James Clarmoe has fitted up one
room of his hotel as sale room ,and has
put in stock of groceries &c.
MARR1ED:- Sunday, Goth, at the
Baptist church, by Elder Reeves. Mr..
Allen Erckenbrack, of this town, to
Miss Eva Saunders, Of the town of
Eastern.
On Christmas eve we went to the
Baptest church, and on our arrival we
found the house already full; hardly
standing room left. The preliminary
exercises consisted in reading, speak,
ing and recitations, interspersed with
excellent vocal and instrumental mu-
sic, by the Parkers Prairie choir,
after the conclusion of which, the
curtain was drawn aside, revealing to
the excited and delighted gaze of the
juveniles, a magnificent Christmas
tree, with every available place hang
ing with presents. ''Old santa claus
put in an appearance to assist in the
distribution of the presents, to the
intense merriment of the children.
After the distribution, the jolly
crowd dispersed to their respective
honies, feeling happy for an evening
spent in contributing to the happi-
ness of others. F.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
wOODSIDE PRAIRIE.

Our groves and forest trees are beau.
tifully decked with snow flowers near.
ly every morning.
S. 0. Daniels has purchased Lam
phere's claim on section Is.
Mr.. Dobson's S horse, which has been
sick since last fall, is doing nicely,
and Mr.. D. is driving him now.
Mr.. Bryant is wintering seven head
of cattle, and by appearances we think
he has all the fodder needed. Mr.. b.
has the largest wood-pile in town.
Don't be too sanguine about man
being badly frightened if he answers
with kind words when he is called a
d--s-Of -; your saying SO
does not make it SO, or make his gh-
bors believe it. It requires more nerve
for 4 man to hold his temper under
the lash Of such language than it does
to fight.
James Carr informs us that he in
tends to go to the southern part Of
this State in a few days.
Mr.. Streeter has finished his house
on section 4, in the town south, and
moved his family into it.
Mrs. O. G. Davidson's brother, from
the south part of the State, is here
visiting with her.
Jesse and Dock. went to Alexandria
Wednesday, the 22d.
Christmas week Dick moved his
threshing machine over the river to
thresh for Bonar and Warner.
DIED.--On Dec. Is. at Elroy, Wis,
NJ. G. Bunce, son of Mr.. and Mrs. J.
A. Bunce, aged 43 years and II mos.
He leaves q wife and two children to
mourn his loss.
The instrument most used in our
town for sernading is the nasal organ.
Harlow has the deepest toned one we
know of. INCOG.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
PARKER9 PRAIRIE.

An unfortunate and painful acci-
dent happened to Mrs. Jesse Draper,
of this town, on last Thursday even
ing. She was being assisted to bed
by one of her attendants, on the
evening above referred to, when. by
some unexpected reason one of her
arms was broken between the elbow
and shoulder. twill he remembered
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
Neighborhood News.
PERHAli.

PERHAGI.
We have been frozen up lately, and
are now enjoying first-class blizzard.
Everyone is content OH one thing
only, viz: keeping warm. The Christ
MATS trees were 4 success, and were
injoyed by a number Of our citizens.
Christmas passed quietly. Mass was
celebrated in the church, by Rev.
Father Buh, and the cdifice was we'll
filled. There is some talk of incorpo-
ration for Perham. but nothing def
mite has been done as yet. It has
been excessively cold Of late, the
mercury having gone down to 36x
below zere on Sunday night, and still
worse on Monday. Everything fro
zen up; no news, no excitement, no
nothing. DASH.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
ALDRICII.


The Christmas tree and concert at
Aldrich, Christmas Eve, was we'll at
tended, and everyone seemed we'll
pleased with it.
MARR1ED.-At the residence of the
brides father, Dec. 25th, 1880, by G..
c. Parker, justice Of the peace, Chas.
NJ. Godway to Miss Philippa Dover,
both of this place.
A team of horses, owned by L. ID.
French, took fright ut an incoming
train, while in town one day last week,
and breaking loose started for the
country in hurry. They did not run
far. however, before they ran foul Of a
tree, which stopped them. No dam.
age except broken neck yoke.
The mother of H. Lyons died at her
home, two miles north of Aldrich, Oh
Dec. 22d. of pulmonary consumption.
MORE ANON.
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30
Written for the Farmer.
Saloon Keeping and it's Evil

Saloon Keeping and it's Evil
Effects.
What I have to say on this subject
may be the means OF causing some
young man, about to launch forth in
this world of care and business. to
stop and consider which path he shall
travel, what course of business to pur-
sue, and if my feeble effort may be
the means Of keeping one young man
from choosing that worst Of evils,
saloon keeping, shall be more than
satisfied. I shall at least feel that I
have done my duty in setting forth
before their minds eye the folly of
such q course; the misery and degra-
dation following in it's wake. Oh
young men, and not only young, but
men OF all ages,-more especially
young men, as the map of their life is
still before them to mark out as they
will, pause, think, consider deeply be-
fore you make the leap, If you are at
all inclined to start a saloon, or stand
behind the bar and deal out intoxica-
ting liquor for some other man. The
position as a clerk in Il saloon is as
bad as the saloon keeper, for you deal
out the obnoxious stuff to your fellow
men. Stop and think. Is is honora-
BILE? Although the laws of our land
countenance it and make it a so-called
legitamate business, IS 1t honorable?
Suffering humanity cries out No.
Poor poverty stricken wives and
children answer No. The same cry
comes reverberating all over our land
from poor heart-broken mothers and
sisters. The tottering form Of the
gray haired father is laid low in the
grave. The sorrow of seeing his son,
whom he expected to be the pride and
joy Of his reclining years, but instead
has sank TO the lowest depths of deg
radiation, and is now poor bloated
wretch, has been more than the faith
er's feeble strength could stand, and
the snow Of winter is lying white on
his grave.
Many young men get their first taste
of the poison in q saloon. When time
drags slowly away they saunter into
4 saloon, with no settled purpose more
than to watch the players at their var
ious games, and pass a tagging half
hour or so. They do not dream of
danger lurking there. The saloon
keeper, with an eye ever on the dol
lars and cents, single him out as a
''green 'un'' and pounces on him like
4 wolf OH the unsuspecting lamb, and
by the wiles known only to men of
their class, finally prevail upon them
to take the first drink; the second time
the task is easier, and so it goes on
until that young man becomes con-
frmed drunkard. A man must be very
depraved indeed, that can stand in his
door and look upon man breaking the
peace, cnrsing and swearing loudly
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30

Written for the Farmer.
Our Cline.
Earvelously strange to hear folks
Tell how we'll they like this cline;
In bowling winds and bleak cold
Days. their pleasures seem confined.
Nature, as though concious of her mistake,
Putt OH IL cold grim smile:
None dare condemn her winter freaks,
Though wind blows all the while.
Engaged in tumulous roar and strife,
The elements seem combined.
Savages. when here, they liked the sport,
Congcnial to their minds
Ger bleak cold plains aud ice bound
Lakes, the raging wind drives on,
Through freeze and frost, and prairie
Vast, it drifts the snow along
Although there is some comfort here, out
Weighed by so much ill;
Long winters drear, and northern
Blast. my soul with dread do fill.
Sauk Centre, Dec. &c, 1880. Mrs. f. d. Fl,
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30

BERTHA, TODD COUNTY.
Beautiful winter weather, and the
fine sleighing is heartily appreciated
The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-12-30

WANrED.-Five or six good relia-
ble men to canvass for and sell the
Singer Sewing Machine. G.PoTrER,
Wadena, Minn.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-08-04
GLApsFoNEs ILLNESS.

The sudden and serious illness of Mr..
Gladstone has naturally alarmed England,
and though he appears to be out of danger
now it is intimated that he will probably
be unable to attend in the House of Com
mons again during the present session.
His absence at such juncturo must be
exceedingly unfortunate for the Govern
ment, for there never was a time when it
needed all its energies and talents more
urgently. The Afghan disaster. the Greek
frontier embarrassment, the Irish land
problem, the South African difficulty,
home and Indian finances, and score of
less grave matters, are pressing for settle
ment, and cannot be postponed or temper
lied with. The Opposition will not have
any mercy upon crippled Ministry,
moreover. The Earl of Beaconsfield will
lose no opportunity of embarrassing the
Government, and the Home Rulers viii as
usual exhibit their perverseness in the
most irritating and aggravating ways.
Dir. Gladstone has selected peculiarly
unlucky time for his illness, and it is quite
possible that ii it incapacitates him for
public business for any length of time it
may be the means of wrecking his ad-
miuistration.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-08-04
THE SCHROEDER CASE.

Judge Yuleyesterday committed Schroeder
to answer the charge of murder in the first
degree, without bail 1t is said that the
prisoner has applied to the Supreme Court
for a writ OF habeas corpus. The decision
of the magistrate who held the preliminary
examination is certainly the only one
which he could safely have arrived at.
The testimony sufficiently indicated that
the case was not one TO be dealt with sum
marty, even had not the magnitude of the
crime pointed out the necessity for a
thorough adjudication of the matter. If
Schroeder is to be liberated eventually on
the plea that he was laboriDg under tenn
porary insanity, the responsibility for his
release ought to rest upon twelve men, and
not upon one. The application for the writ
of habeas corpus is strange proceeding
under the circumstances, and suggests the
idea that counsel for the defense have not
vet begun to realize the true nature OF the
impression produced upon the public mind
by this tragedy and the succeeding revela-
tions.