The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1880-04-03
VARIETIES.

NPPSA- vi uoO.
Hens will soon be laying out their
work for spring.
Time out of mind-Forgetting to
wind up your watch.
Never strike balance, unless it is
quite small. Picdyatne
The spring whitewash business is
brushing up a little.-Neoo Orleans PIC
Ggat'ae.
jug not, that ye be not jagged, as
the Judge remarked to the bibulous
vagrant.
On New York sign: % Instruc-
tons given here on according and
guitarres."
"A precocious youth says that school
teachers are like dogs, because they
lick your hand"
American girls are not mercenary.
All are anxious to give themselves
away.-PhtlGdelphiG BuIletin.
When a woman cries for ANYTHING
she wants she is getting at the sighence
OF the thing. -SteubenUiIle Herald.
If every person would be half as
good as he expects his neighbor to be,
"AUS o hObNOh OLllo WOLlu WOulu DG!
When does budding young dam
sci burst into fruitP When she be-
comes the apple of somebody's eye.
That is an Indian nearing feet that
| don't like, as the man said who was
pursued by the redskins.-BoStom Traas-
script.
"A mans word is the handspring
of his character. Once break the main
spring, and, like 4 watch, the man
runs down.
In use of sounding words men are quite
rash,
They talk of mystery, and mean but hash
Puck.
According to the spelling reform,
ocean should be spelled "oshun," but
it won't help sea-sickness a cents
worth.-F'ree Press.
DO not despise the opinion of the
world; you might as we'll say that YOU
care not for the light of the sun because
you can use a candle.
When you can hardly say enough
for man, say he is one of thousand.
1t will be true as long as there are 999
other men in the world.
-Bus-tling-Old gentleman, watch
ing crowd around omnibus): " What a
bustle!' Stout old lady: "'Old your
tongue, impertinencer'- Fun.
| Whoever heard Whoever drank
| A Dull sigh! A ships ale!
Whoever saw Whoever heard
| A morse NY! A fence rail!
More than one rough customer has
never known how good he was until he
killed somebody, and heard the lawyer
in charge of crimes and juries sum up
his virtues.
Some people can never be to poor
to marry. A young couple commenced
to keep house recently whose only
crockery consisted of an ink bottle and
an imperfect chart of China.
The man who can "under no cir
cumstances be candidate for office
simply tells the public that he has
looked the ground over and found no
chances to be one.-Free Press.
Suggestion by the Danbury NesDs.
"When you have got through using
your puzzles, give them to the poor.
We might get rid of the poor some
way"
The Boston Post seems to think
that no Vermont man ever trades
horses unless he cheats the other man.
Course not. What's the object in
trading ?-F Free Press.
There il lots of pholks in this world
whose only Importance konsists in their
being exklusive-it is just so with a
hole in the ground, when the bug Gums
out ov it the MYSTERY is solved.-JoSh
Billings.
"A Connecticut widow, worth 81
900, 900. is ready to marry, provided
she can "find a man who knows
enough" Almost any man knows
enough-to marry such woman.-Nor-
ristoDn Herald.
"A lady in Louisiana demonstrates
to her satisfaction that spring chickens
can not be Matched from alligator
eggs. The venerable hen was as much
astonished at the extraordinary result
of her labors as the lady CSncia-
natl Commercial.
old Schoolfellow: eyes, it's NE,
sir. Getting on pretty middling, thank
you, Undertaking line, sir. Hope
Jou IL SiNO laO q Jul IL odJ, OIL. II
you'd stick my card up over your man.
tel-piece, sir, so your friends might
have it handy if anything happened,
sir; thank you.
The latest and most refined style of
novel writing is to avoid mention of the
scenes of bloodshed and violence:
Like flash of lightning from cloud,
with the velocity of rifle bullet and
the resistless sweep of the avalanche,
the insulted youth skipped around the
corner and hunted up policeman"
"A lecturer on optics, in explaining
the mechanism of the organ of vision,
remarked: "Let any man gaze closely
into his wife's eye, and he will see him
self looking so exceedingly small
that" Here the lecturer saw a
smile on the faces of his audience, and
abruptly stopped.
"A gentleman walked into grocery
store yesterday morning and meeting a
friend made the usual inquiry: what
the latest news this morningP" 81 have
just bought barrel of flour for poor
woman" "Ah, just like you; whom
have you made happy by your charity
this morningP" my wife. "-Bangor