Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-06-09
The Fiend and HIS Lawn-NXower.
"Whirr-r-r-r-r-r."
Blast him!

''Whirr-r-r-r-r-r.
Blast him
'Zz-z-z-z-z"
Blast him again!
"Rr-rr-rr-rrl"
Turn over in bed and vow that you will
shoot his hens, poison his dog and leave
fish bones where his Cat will find them and
choke to death:
Why?
Why, that triple-plated, bomb proof.
iron- coated and hard-hearted next-door
man who went to bed at shutdown for no
other purpose than to get up a. 5 O'Clock
a. IN. and gallop his own lawn-mower
around,
"Rattle Whirr! Bang. Br-r-rr."
Oh. he's therel He simply stepped for
moment to spit on his hands and get
ready for new twist. Just by the
bells, aud some fool of doctor has told
him that the morning air is good for him
lie knoY's that he is disturbing every man,
woman and child within a block Of him
but what does he carer
''Clickety-te clickety- -click-click :"
There he goes! He's got his coat OIL,
his pants in his boot-legs, and he's thinking
how nice it must be to live in the country
and canter around over the dew-wet sward.
Country be hanged, Lawn-mowers and
next-door neighbors be hanged. The man
who sold him that lawn-mover warranted
it to be noiseless. Just remember that
when you get to shooting. Noiseless, oh,
yes!
"M-m-m-m! Bur-r-r-r-rl Z-z-z-z!"
The baby wakes up with howl. Why
shouldn't hei Can a baby stand more than
horse Everybody wakes up. If you
think people can sleep on and dream of
the gates of heaven while a man is pound
ing sheet iron with hammer you have
lived in vain.
'G-u-r-r-"
Good. His old machine has struck
stone. Hope the contact has wrenched off
every wheel twisted every spring out OF
place. and flung the villain head over heels
against the fence. Nobody but a villain
would have a lawn 10 NOW in the first
place, and nobody but a mutton head
would go slashiug around on an empty
stomach in this malarious climate. His
health What is his health compared to
the peace of his neighbors? Who cares
whether he gets fat and lives on, or grows
lean and dies He ought.
''Clichety-te-click-c k-clicki"
There he goes, the old machine making
more noise than ever! Hit him with a
brick? No, don't do it. Such man as
that couldn't appreciate decent clip on
the ear with a missile made by human
hands. Draw bead on him with shot
gun2 Never! Keep your ammunition
for fowls. Owls have sense enough to
stick by the roost until seven O'Clock. Ar
que with hint Not much! You couldn't
convince such man that he ought to be
run over by a drove of Texas steers any
more than you could make Turk believe
that he ought to pay 100 cents on the dol
lar.
''Gur=g-g-gl Z-z-z-zl Bang! Rattle-r-r-
rip"
Let him alone, There is a Providence,
and that Providence sometimes gives a
villain rope to play with, just to see him
squirm when he is brought up with a sharp
turn. That mower may explode. II not,
the morning air will bring on sore throat,
toothsche. neuralgia and chills. May he
have them all jump in on him at once and
stand by him like an Indians memory, and
may every neighbor whom he has disturbed
by his villainous noise grow fat and sleek,
aId rich, and live to beat him for the only
office he ever cared forl