Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-05-27
Anmuruas Reparttueut.
HOW A MARRIED WOMAN GOES TO SLEEP.

HOW A MARRIED WOMAN GOES TO SLEEP.
There is an article going the rounds en-.
titled, Chow Girls Go to Sleep" The man.
ner in which they 60 to sleep, according to
the article, can't hold candle to the way a
married woman goes to sleep. Instead Of
thinking of what she should have attended
to before going to bed, she thinks of it after
ward While she is revolving these matters
in her mind, and while snugly tucked in bed,
the old man is scratching bis legs in front Of
the fire, and wondering how he will pay the
next months rent. Suddenly she says:
"James, did you lock the door? 2"
(Which door?'
"The cellar door," says she.
"No," says James.
"Well, you'd better 90 down and lock it,
for 1 heard some one in the back yard last
night"
Accordingly, James paddles down stairs
and locks the door. About the time James
returns and is going to get into bed, she re-
marks
"Did you shut the stair door,"
"No," says James.
"Well. if it is not shut the cat will get up
1QCO Cue OSO-TOOm.
Let her come up, then," says James, ILL.,
naturedly.
MY goodness, no !" returns the wife, "she'd
suck the baby's breath !"
Then James paddles down stairs again,
and steps on tack, and closes the stair door,
and curses the cat, and returns to the bed
room. Just as he begins to climb into his
couch his wife observes:
81 forgot to bring up some water. Suppose
you bring some in the big tin"
And so James, with muttered curse,
goes down into the dark kitchen, and falls
over chair, and rasps all the tinware off the
wall, in search of the "big" tin, and then he
jerked the stair door open and howls:
"Where the deuce are the matches ?"
She gives him minute directions where to
find the matches. and adds that she would
rather 60 and get the water herself than have
the neighborhood raised about it. After
which James finds the matches, procures the
water, comes up stairs, and planges into bed
Presently his wife says:
James, let's have an understanding about
money matters. Now, next week I've got
to pay
Il don't know what you've got to pay, and
don't care," shouts James, as he lurches
around and jams his face against the wall
call want is to 60 to Sleep"
''That's all very we'll for you," snaps his
wife, as she pulls the covers viciously, "you
never think of the worry and trouble have
And there's Aramenta, who believe is ta'
king the measles"
"Let her take 'em," says James. sticking
his legs out as straight as two ramrods.
"It seems TO me you have no sense or feel
ing" whines his wife, "and if you had any
respect for me you wouldn't eat onions before
you come to bed. The atmosphere of the
room from the smell of onions is hoirrid"
"Well, 60 down and sleep in the kitchen
then, and let me alone" says James.
Hereupon she begins to cry softly, but
about the time James is falling into a gentle
'doze she punches him in the ribs with her Ell
bow, and says:
"Did you hear that scandal about Mrs
Jones?'
"What Jones ?" says James, sleepily.
"Why, Mrs. JONES'
"Where ?" inquiries James.
81 DECLARE" says his wife, "you are getting
more stupid every day. You know Mrs
Jones that lives at No. 81. Well, day be-
fore yesterday, Susan Smith told Mrs. Thomp
son that Sam Baker had said that Mrs. Jones
had"-
Here she pauses and listens. James is
snoring in profound slumber. With sort
of rage shc pulls all the covers off him, wraps
herself up in them and lays awake until 2
a. m, thinking how badly abused she is
And that is the way married woman goes
to sleep.