The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1880-09-22
FIGURES FOR THE FAMILY.
How NIr. SpOOpendyIke Audited the Ac-
counts of His wife.

HOW Mfs SpOOpenuyke AuUlteu Nne Az
counts of His Wife.
CHOW, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, " if you'll bring me the pen and
ink, I'll look over your accounts and
straighten 'em out for you. l think
your idea of keeping an account of the
daily exnenses is the besbthing you ever
did. It's business like, and l want to
encourage you in it.'
"Here's the ink" said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, growing radiant at the compli-
ment. &C. had the pen day before yes
terday. Let me think" and she dove
into her work basket and then glanced
nervously under the bureau.
"Well, do you suppose I'm going to
split up my fingure and write with
thatP" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Where's the penP want the pen"
81 put it somewhere" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Ahl here 1 have it.
Now you see," she continued, 81 put
what money l spend down here. This
is your account here and this is the
Joint account. You know"
whats thisP" asked Mr.. Spoonpen-
dyke;
"That's your account; this"
"No, no, mean this marine sketch
in the second line"
"ThatP Oh, that's a T."
"S'pose l ever spent seven dollars
with tail like to itD If you're going
to make figures, why don't you make
figures. What dye want to make n
picture of prize fight in column of
accounts forP What is this elephant
doing hereP"
"I think that's g." replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, obviously. "Maybe it's
IA. / can tell by adding it up"
"What are you going TO add upP
Dye count in this corner lot and that
rose bush and this pair of suspenders?
Dye add them imp"
THAT'S a and that is 5 and
the last is an 8. They come out all
right, and during the las month you
have spent more than l and the joint
account together"
Haven't either. When did l spend
this broken-down gunboatP"
THAT amt boat. IFS $42 for your
"Well, this tramp fishing off rock,
when did spend himP"
{" 1t amt tramp. It's $50 cash you
took, and don't know what you spent
it for. Look at my account, now"
What's the man pulling q gig forP"
It's nothing of the sort, That amt
|
only spent $22 in a month, and you've
spent $lS4"
"You can't tell by this what I've
DONE" growled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Whats this rat trap doing in the
| joint accountP"
"That's fourteen cents for fruit, when
you were sick"
And this measly-looking old hen,
| what's she got to do with itP"
"That's no hen. That's 2. It means
50 for having your chair mended."
"What have you charged me with
this old graveyard forp"
"That's FIFTEEN cents for sleeve elaS-
tics. The Is amt plain, but that's what
it is"
Chow do you make out have spent
so muchP Where's the vouchersP Show
me the vouchersP
81 don't know what you mean,n said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, "but you spent all
1 put down."
Haven't done anything of the sort,
counts a humbug. You don't know
how to keep an account
"Yes, l do" pleaded Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, land think it's all right"
No you don't. What do you mean
by getting up engravings of second
hand furniture store and claiming that
it's my accountP You're great book
keeper. you are. All you want is sign
hung between you and the other side Of
the street, to be commercial college
If l ever fail in business. I'm going tC
fill you up with benches and start 6
night school. Give me that pen," anC
Mr.. Spoopendyke commenced running
up the columns. "Two two's four anC
eight twelve and four sixteen and carry
one to the next and three is four. Here
this is wrong. You've got an eighteen
for twenty here"
"EhP' ierked out Mrs. Spoopendy Ike
"This is S2O4. not SlS4 l knew yol
couldn't keep accounts. You can't ever
add up"
THAT makes your account ever
bigger" responded Mrs. Spoopendyke
81 didn't think it was so much"
Slam went the book across the room
followed by the pen, and the ink woulC
have gone too, but Mrs. Spoopendyk
cautiously placed it out of harms way
"Dod CAST it," howled Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, as he tore of his clothes and pre-
pared for bed. "You amt fit to haV
a pen and ink. Next time l want m
accounts kept I'll keep 'em chained u
! in the yard, and don't you go near 'en
hear meP'
Eyes, dear" sighed Mrs Spoopen
, dyke, as she slipped the obnoxious boo
J into the drawer.-BrOoblyR EGg'e.