The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1880-03-30
and gentlemanly duties of this situation

This piEatical inclination must have.
been a natural impulse, as at that time
my library was limited to an old alman-
&C, and fragment { ! think about seven
eights) of the 'Three Spainards." To the
best of my recollection, neither of these
works was specially devoted to piracy as
a profession. But Sunday always
brought with it a partial rest, with the
more soothing balm of the chicken din
ner, as our minister made point OF call
ing on that day, and this sacrifice was
offered in his honor.
But whatever relief the seventh day
brought was in great way neutralized
by the hardships of the following Mon
day, that being composition day, and
one of suffering. Naturally, the boy who
could invent any means of escaping from
the infction was regarded as a public
benefactor, but old Scoots was thorough
ly cup" in all such pieces of strategy,
and such transparent excuses as being
without paper, etc., only brought
swift punishment upon the unfortunate
who offered them. Then, to, in addition
to the regular fsggellation, he would add
the terrible penalty of making the cul-
prit write composition ON the spot
which was something like being required
to lift ourselves by our boot-straps.
Joe. through unusual good fortune,
had escaped for the first three Mondays
OF the regular school term, and was vail
ant enough upon the fourth Monday to
claim immunity upon the ground of the
total destruction of his entire literary
outfit, through some terrible domestic
convulsion. Up to this time no boy had
been found brave enough to lose more
than his paper or pen; but to lose paper,
pen and ink, and to be completely vac,
uous as to subject, was something new,
and for moment he hoped the situation
was too much Tor Mr.. Scoots. Joe stood
uneasily on one foot, apparently brac-
ing himself by holding on to the solitary
suspender which supported his baggy
pants, and then, after sickly smile at
me, broke into the customary banchee-
like howl we were in the habit of indulg-
ing in when upon the verge of Click
ing" Whether Mr.. Scoots was in an un-
usually good humor, or the preliminary
howls of my chum had decided him not
to infict the penalty of the law, can
not say. He simply said: Every well,
Master Peiser, you will stay in school
until you have written something" Joe
meekly answered, "Yeth, thir," and
climbed on the high stool in the corner
where we usually writhed during such
enforced literary efforts This was just
after dinner,or one O'Clock, and he did not
finish his composition until half-past-
four, when school was dismissed.
| think | see him yet, perched ON the
high stool, composing that essay. If
appearances could be trusted, he might |
have been writing the history of Eng
land-when Scoots looked at him-from
the scratching he made; but as he did
not put his pen in the ink the result was
not very startling, and when the old
gentleman was not looking Joe had
about all he could attend to in lodging
spit-balls. His red head seemed to grow
more lurid as the long afternoon dragged
out its weary length, and the spit-ball
battery ceased firing, from sheer exhaus-
ton. Scoots, too, was evidently becom-
ing impatient, as at rapidly lessening in
tervals he would galvanize Joe into act
ivity by calling out, ''Peiser, haven't you
completed that essay, YETI"
"Be through in minute, thir," Joe
would promptly answer, and then his
inkless pen would almost paralyze us by
the rapidity aud ease it noted down
what was apparently the great literary
effort of Joe's life.
At last, after he had been in the
agoniessof composition for over three
hours, Mr.. Sooots said: "Peiser, Just sign
your name to that composition, and read
it aloud. 1t certainly ought to be acredit
to this academy from the time you have
devoted to it."
Gail right, thir," promptly answered
Joe, scratching down something which
looked like the tracks of a pigeon-toed
caterpillar. ..-...
care you readyw said Mr.. Scoots.
"Yeth, thir."
every well, then; stand on the plat
form, and read your essay aloud"
Joe left his stool, mounted the plat
form, made kind of scrape with one
foot, and jerked his head after the style
Of a goat about to engage in battle.
Then in perfectly clear voice he said:
"Chickenth ith little henth," and then
stopped short.
"Go on, sir" said Mr.. Scoots, sharply.
Joe cleared his throat and repeated:
"Chickenth ith little henth."
"Why don't you proceed, sirw asked
Mr.. Scoots,
"Thath all, thir," answered Joe,
"'cept my name, Joe Peiser."
"Have you been three hours collecting
this valuable piece of informationw
asked Mr.. Scoots, gravely.
Joe eiated over his success as an essay
ist, beamed on Mr.. Scoots, and promptly
answered, "Yeth, thir."
At which Mr.. Scoots groaned, and
then said, school is dismissed"
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