The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-01-14
SUNBEAMS.

A light employment Cleaning win
dows.
Transported for life. The man who
marries happily.
"Ill take the responsibility as
jerks said when he held out his arms
for the baby.
The most sentimental exercise yet
known is said to be women's SWIM
ming In tears. .
A stupid exquisite, at q recent we'd
ding, wished the bride "many happy.
returns Of the occasion.
Rheumatism is always O joint af-
fair, and yet there is only one party
to it.
Vermont conundrum: II all things
are for the best, where do the rations
for the second best come from.
The Postmaster Generals new fast
train is called the widow" it fetches
the mails SO much quicker than any
other train. .
Bystander: Keep the lid on, old
man, or you'll make it weak" Milk
man mo fear; reckoned on rain, and
brought 1t out over proof"
A New York vagrant, who had been
dned regularly every week for beg.
ging, requested the magistrate to fine
him by the year at reduced rate.
"Was not her death rather sud:
den?", said q eondoling friend to o be-
rtaved wtdower. well, yes, rather,
for her,"
"Milligan, be careful how you srap
nags with that thar man; he'll cheat
YOU" Never do you mind, Squire;
I guess I am a judge Of h~osspaalty."
"Alfred. darling" tendsrly observed
q young Milwaukee wife to her hus-
band, II wish you'd take your ears
down now, Marian wants to dust the
ceiling" .
isn't your husband q little bald9"'.
asked one LADY Of another, In 9
hair in his head" was the hasty re-
ply Of the wife.
Itinerant photographer eson under
the cloth)-"Wm you keep quiet?
(who is evading the focus) - "Be
iabers, mani Will I BIT still to be
shot att"
Samuel Bowles says that 4 he were
captain Of q canal boat, and o lame
fun Of him, be would murder Her II he
knew that she had twenty orphans to
support. .
There is q married woman With four
legs in Connecticut. and because she
won't have two Of them sawed of, her
husband Is obliged to work sixteen
hours a day in order to keep her IN
striped stockings, it,
"Was the crowd tumultuous?" In
! uuired one man Of another who had
Just come from q mass meeting. "Too
multuous! oh, no; tuct about multi,
GUS enough to comfortably ill the
hall" ,
Smart, those Frenchmen. One Of
them said to another who was max
ing fun Of his ears MY "a may be
OF unusual size for a man, but you
must confess, ST, athat yours are e1-
tremely small for an ASST"
A gentleman, questioning 9 little
boy said: "When your father and
R RS5Re Th t9rs wili ts sGg' you SShu apy,. DO a{ Esa
sir" said he. "And whor" asked
the friend. 1.-THE police" was John.
ny's reply.
We are told that 1T Is 800 fine to
hold a Wisconsin girl by the neck and
kiss her on the ear" But as long as
the price is not raised for holding her
blythe ear and kissing her on the neck,
the Wisconsin young men will not
emigrate.
A happy thought that never oc-
Cured: Mother lin contnuationC
And so the wicked Pharaoh ordered
that all the baby boys should be killed
Madeleine - But mammal didn't
any of their mothers say they was
girlsl
Chartvari tells Of Q negro named
Domingoin one ofthe French colonies,
who, speaking Of the advantages OF the
Christian religion, said: There was
@ time when I knew nothing OF God
or the devil, but now I know and love
them both.
Two bosoms with q single thought
discharged themselves OF that thought
=. as follows: "Araminte, pet!" "What,
Charles dear?" what dreadful COWS,
loYeyl" "Eh, sweetie?" 81 said,
what dreadful COWS, darlingt" "Oh,
did you, my own?" Eyes, duvkey!"
Chicago Tribune: A John Bull re-
Gently came to Chicago, and vas ad.
miring all he saw Of u enter
prise and sagacity, but. didn't
think he'd settle here, as there. Uas no
law securing the right Of hentail:"
"Ah," said his friend, @but you should
try one Of our cocktails"
A Vassar girl wrote home: Dee
Paw-paw; we study Latin 70. owahs q
day, Fwench seven up and science
evan 80 loung. . The good matrons
nevah let us 60 owet. Won't you Q
me my leggins and skates Tor g. ,po3''
little girl who lives IN the village!
Don't forget the heel straps.
"The other day when q Detroit
grocer spelled sugar "s-h-u-g-e.r" o
friend pointed out the word and re-
marked: "That word isn't spelled
quite right" "Hal I see," laughed
the grocer, zone would think had no
! education." And he crossed 1t out
and wrote s-h-u-g-o-r.
A furrier wishing TO lnlorm ais Gus
toners that he recast their old furs
into fashionable styles, wound up his
advertisement as follows:-"N. B.
Capes, victorines, &c., made up for. Ia
dies in fashionable styles, out OF their
own SKINS
That was an irreverent and rtbald
youth, who, to his aged parent desir.
inc to retire from the retail trade and
take q Government position. said:
"You in the post officel Nice old
party you'd be in the post office.
What could you do in a post office
except to stand In the doorway with
your mouth open for folks to wet pos
tage stamps on your tongue?"
A Silver City New young lady,
who has O passion for pretty babies,
to little ~four-year-old angel who has
q bran-new sister: II say, bub, won't
you give me your baby sister9 I love
little babies" Young hopeful: mo,
liant" n,, Young a%g4 !~tn sd0gx at w her
won't you give the baby to me?",
Hopeful Indignantly: Fly, he'd
'tarve to death your dress opens be-
hine." Painful silence tor the next