Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-11-26
SpOOpcndyke's Suspenders.

NOW, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. as he stretched himself and drew
on his pantaloons, you've cleaned
these trousers up tirst.rate. This is
what l cali economy. It saves money.
If I'd taken 'em to the tailor's it would
have cost couple of dollars at least,
and you've saved jus. that amount" and
Mr.. Speopen5yke went to his additions
and then pulled on his shirt.
"Ill clean your coat too, If you
like, said Mrs. Spoopendyke. Leave
it at home some day and III take this
spot out of the sleeve" and Mrs. Spoop.
endyke hustled around and looked de-
lighted with the idea of pleasing her
husband.
Where's my suspenders y asked
Mr.. Spoopendyke. screwing himself
around and looking down his back.
"You didn't clean the suspenders clear
out of sight, did you?"
"They were there when you put On
your pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
| haven't touched them. What did
you do with them"
"Oh, yes, certainly, did something
with them? What dye 'spose I did
with them? Think I set 'em up in
business somewhere, don't ye? Got an
idea I gave 'em vacation to go fishing
haven't ye? Well, I didn't, and morn
that didn't send 'em away to be edu-
Gated for the ministry. Where's my
suspenders? Where'd you put EN-?
'Spose I'm going around holding those
pants up all day? Think I got no bust
ness interests besides holding on my
breeches with both hands? What id
you do with the measly things?
81 know I didn't take them Off the
pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things round in q vain endeayor to find
the missing articles.
"Maybe 1 can fix your pants SO you
won't need any suspenders to-day, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's it. You've got it," ravei
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "How are you
going to fix EN-? Going to tie them
on with shoestring, like you do your
me all day and hold 'em on? P'raps
you can pull EN- up and button EN-
around my neck! How dye propose
to fix 'era? Going to put em on me
upside down so if they fall they'll fall
up? If had your head I'd go out to
service as file. Fix em, why don't
ye? Why don't ye fix EN-? These
trousers are getting sick at the stomach,
waiting to be fixed" and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke shot across the room and dove
under the wardrobe in search of the
lost suspenders.
"They must be there somewhere"
"Show 'em to me then!" demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke, ''take stick and
point EN- QUITO me! OF course they re
here somewhere, only just put your
thumb on EN-! What have ye done
with EN-? Can't We recollect whether
ye made em up into hat bands for the
heather like you did my dressing gown,
or whether you planted them to see if
they would grow. like you did my
straw hat? Think they walked off like
a croton bug? S'pose those suspenders
have taken their girl to picnic What
kind of housekeeping dye call this
anyhow? Where's my suspenders? :"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, poking
around in the soiled clothes.bag.
where's those suspenders ?" and he
pulled the books off the shelf and rum.
mayed around behind the case with o
broom-handle for diving-rod.
"Just let me buckle them tight be-
hind" said Mrs. Spoopendyke; "the
strap will hold them."
"That's the scheme" shriekei Mr..
Spoopendyke; something's got to hold
them! If was as sharp as you I'd get
rich hiring out for an oyster-knife. All
you want is to have somebody sit cross
legged on you and come home two weeks
after you're expected to be tailorshop!
Going to find those dog-gasted suspend
ers between now and the hext warp"
4" know they were on his pants when
he put them on" unused Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke entering upon a little inductiye
reasoning. HE didn't take them off,
and so they must be there now," and
the good woman approached her hus.
band with smile.
ooh! now they're going to be fixed,''
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a horrible
grin. P'raps you're going to cut
button-holes in your hands and feet,
and hang over my shoulders, amt ye
Want me to put 'em on over my head,
like measly shirt with two tucks and
founce to it. don't ye? Maybe you
think those suspenders hurried down to
breakfast, SOS to get the first crack at
the morning paper, don't your"
But Mrs. Spoopendpke made no re-
spouse. Opening the back of her hus-
bands auttering shirt, she saw the miss.
ing susrenders. He had slipped them
over his shoulders before assuming the
muslin, and had forgotten all about
them.
"Smart as whip, amt YET" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he drew off his
shirt and let the suspenders down. "Ii
my head was as clear as yours I'd hire
out for church bell. YoA only need
four lenses and drop of rain water tc
be microscope" And Spoopendyke
hurried on his clothes and scuttled down
stairs to get the morning paper before
his wife could make clutch at it,
Brooklyn Eagle.
Lady Chopper, one of the most beauti
fol ladies in London, was an American