, 1880-05-03
Wit and HumOr.

Some matches make too much fuss
for-us.
The butt end of goat is still mat
ter of dispute.
1t is easy to breakfast in bed if you
will be satisfied with few rolls and
turnover.
The Boston Courier says that the
horseshoe doesn't bring good luck
when the horse applies it.
Composition by Japanese student:
"The cat is a small cattle. When he
sees rat he luz mates his eyes."
A Norwich man advertises himself as
| a temperance bootmaker. Makes the
| boots that have no snakes in them.
| The Philadelphia Nesos says that mu-
sicians should not drink; they might
get into the habit of wanting to rest at
every bar.
A Georgia mao fred seven shots at
wildcat, killed his dog, wounded a
farmer in the leg. and put one of his
eyes out. The wildcat escaped.
The London Truth speaks of our
American girls of thirty "-self-reli
ant and Independent in their lives-as
"pretty young bachelors in petticoats." :"
SYMrATHY.-Squire: "Got your eye
in mourning again, see, Pat!" Pat:
"Oi have! It's in mOurnin' for the
batin' gave that brute Rafferty, this
day!'-[ Fun.
They call it romantic marriage in
Michigan when couple of the neigh
bors get the brides father in back
room and sit on him to prevent his in
terrupting and breaking up the we'd
ding.
If anybody ever heard of DR.. Ham
mond it might do to dispute with him
when he says that pie kills more people
than the smallpox. Any old dyspep-
tic could say the same of Saratoga
Detroit Free Press.
"No," said Philadelphia under
taker, business has not revived as it
should. What we need in this country
to make things boom is the cholera,
demic. II Philadelphia Chronicle Her
aid.
The law forbidding smoking on
the streets Of Boston has been repealed.
But it is too late. The men have al
ready taken to rubbing snuff and part
ing their hair in the middle, Some
reformers suffer by delay Atlanta
Constitution.
BERTHE had half biscuit buttered,
and whole one unbuttered. He gave
Oracle the whole one and kept the but
sered half. A remark being made
about his giving awap the larger piece,
Oracle said: Yes, he gave me the
3iggerest, and kept the butterest.
CH1L11NG.-Man: 81 say. mister,
can't yer give us a shin; Use turble
hard-up Farmer: "Ah, Proctor, I
always told you to look out for rainy
cay" Man: $50 did master; but
never thought it wur a-going to snow."
Master gives him shilling. = Fun.
An exchange tried to announce the
arrival of lent, and after several at
tempts the following was the only pro-
gress that was made: For forty days
and forty nights the ball of social dis
sipation will pursue its revolutions
with considerably decreased rapidity."
It is said that Samuel J. Tilden and
Whitelaw Reid both have custom of
putting their boots ia the bureau draw
ers and throwing their clean dickeys
under the bed. They all do it sooner
or later. They ought to have married
forty years ago. Chicago Inter-
| Ocean.
Small child Ito youthful acquain-
tance): "Ma says I must not play with
you, because my papa is an officer, and
you are common children" Little
Brown lin a rage): Common chill
dren, indeed! Mamma says my papa is
bankrupt, and that he will always re-
main one"
At dinner she had q doctor on either
hand, one of whom remarked that they
were well served. since they had duck
between them. Yes" she broke in
her wit is of the sort that comes in
flashes -" and I am between two
quacks." Then silence fell Boston
Transcript.
"Water your cows thoroughly and
you will have large yield Of milk,
; says an agricultural authority. If it is
good rule it will work the other way,
Milk your cows thoroughly and you
will have q large yield of wafer"
Well leave it to the m,lkmen to decide.
i New Haven Register.
They were sitting together Sunday
evening, with an album or two between
them, when she pleasantly asked,
How would you like to have my
mother live with you?' In just fifteen
seconds he had his hat down half way
over hisface. and was boiling through
the gate.- Danbury News.
The baggage master of the Central