Daily Republican., 1880-03-25
FUN ZOE OUR TRIExDs. :



cd up as plaintiffs, defendants and Wit
nesses. II appeared that Mrs. Blanl
borrowed waak-tub of Mrs. Brown
and while In possession Of the borrowe
Q COW knocked the bottom cut. Afts
Q neighborhood quarrel suit wa
brought to recover the amount. Mrs
Blank thereupon put In as an orss
that she had narsed the plaintiff fol
three days, and received no pay.
!. "Nurssd ne !" echoed the defendant
"why she did nothing while there bu
eat custard pie and tattle absnt the
neighbors.
"Custard pie and who lent you thu
sugar and eggs and lard to make it |"
shrieked the other.
His Honor pat his foot down and
patchsd up temporary truce and the
plaintiff tsok the stand to testify about
lending the tub and whatit was worth.
She established the value At rs cents
: and here the defendant boiled over and
exclaimed
"Sevsnty-fvs cents Why both ears
and the top hoop we're of 1t was
the only tub sho had had since her
marriage, and that was ten years ago. F"
Sand I've had to lend 1t to you
every TUESDAY all tina. time ~ rstorted
the plaintiff.
| His Honor secured silence in the
court and tho defendant took the stand
and said that her services as nurse
vera worth at least 81.
! "What allied the plaintiff :" asked
the lawyer. ..-..
"Well, don't know as | ought to
say that Ler husband struck her with
-
"Don't you dare say that" inter-
ruptsd the plaintiff, ''you know that |
fell down the cellar stairs II my hus.
band hit me on the head with meat
platter, as yours did, Up
~ objec. p exclaimed both lawyers
in chorus.
80 do wei" added both females il =
breath.
His Honor pounded the desk until
everything ratified, and then 3 witness
was put on the stand to testify that
she saw the tub when 1t was lent, aud
again when it had been damaged.
She had scarcely got started when the
defendant, whoss witness she was, call
ed out:
"You are no! swearing as You agreed
tot"
"Ah, hal l make a note to that I"
oh uek led one Of the lawyers.
'Your Honor, l object" added the
other.
"And | wouldn't believe the wit
ness under oath !" put in the defend
ant.
"Who wants ysu to :" squsaked the
witness. "If couldn't CONS into court
with ANYTHING better tban q calico
dress and 10 cent lace collar | wouldn't
hold my nose SO high !"
"This is too much-ten times too
much, and want this courtroom
cleared right ont !" said his honor aud,
and turued the crowd into the alley
Detroit Free Press"
The LIME KILN CLUB" Will Whale
bone Howker please step dis wayi" in
CURED Brother Gardaer in bis blandest
voice as the meeting was declared open
ed.
Mr.. Howker had taken q seat on one
of the back benches as II 10 escape OBJ
He moved forward at slow
pace, and finally halted in front Of the
Presidents desk.
d" Brudder Howksr," continued the
President, "You Rm past de MONDAY
Of life, an 1t grisves me 10 hsv to call
you up hsah an tell you dat yer nay.
burs End fault wild de oarryins on aroun'
yer sabin. Dsy complain dat you aght
wtd your wife, keep late hours, drink
too much whisky, an dat you nebber
hev good word fur any man. What
hev you TO sayf"
The old man hung his head and was
silent.
"You war a slave, an dat am some
excuse, but beto' mo- gray hairs come
to your head you hsv much to l'arn. II
ye didn't mary fur Inv ye hev no biz
ness libin wild wifs. II ye did, den
why do ye quarrel wild her. Ifye can't
agree--if you can't be all to each ODER
IL libin togeder keeps yer temper up,
lie hes Eng ye kin do am to walk right u
Dater dat cabin. De Lawd nebber, tend
I'D dat man an wife should call names
an pull HAIR an indulge in midnight
battles wild feet, fists an broomsticks." a
The old man raised his head to speak,
but the words would rot come.
"An' 20 you drink whiskey? Ole
nan, 70 ar layin' up heap of sorrow
'ur yer last Vars Better put powder
Under yer cabin dan whiaky down yer :
roat. 1t am hole in yer pocket sum il
ner an winter; 1t am an evil voice o
constantly urgin' ye to misdeods; it am
gaunt wolf drinkin' yer blood it am =
le voice of misery and pover'y-ds 7
ods on coffin furnished by de- Poo !
master Let it alone! AM so ye SLAM 4
Isr iulksf Whisky and SANDER 20 to- s
ether. Hsv ye lived fifty long Vars y
yidout Known dat de sunshine Of life ~
m in sptakin' good words to any of
'er fellow men. All men hev DER
aults an weaknesses, but SANDER I
ron't work a change. II we expect 4
nen to condone our faults we must OK
use deirs. TO home an speak we'll of |,
er nayburs and dey will speak well of
ou. Speak kindly to dem, an kind I
1ords will come back. OAR am fifty 4
million souls in dis ksntry, Brudder
1owker, but yit de pnsson whe am de- ~ q,
srmined tc be an enemy to the rest will tn
ONE to feel dat he am all alone in ve
eah. Make a change, Brudder How GO
er--make it tonight. Dis club hsz =
OF helpin' hands fur any man who =
ANTS TO bs q man."-"Detroit Free "