The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-02-05
ALL SORTS.

ALL SORTS.
Young Fred. bashful yet persistent swain,
Was very much in love with Mary Jane.
One night she told him in her tenderest tone,
1t In not good for man to be alone.
Said Fred. Just so. you darling little elf,
I've often thought of that same thing myself
Then said the lass, while Fred was all agog,
You ought to buy yourself terrier dog.
He took the hint and left -
Rochester Democrat.
& When a man reaches the turn-table of
life after many years of fast travelling on q
down grade, he finds it no easy matter
to come to full stop.-Hackensack Re
publican.
A single property in California, is half
the size of the State of Rhode Island; and
this though the latter has recently been
enlarged to make room for Governor
Sprague's domestic difficulties. Elnsra
Free Press.
Mr.. s., young lawyer, wishing to cite
celebrated authority on a certain point in
case he was conducting, could not remem-
Der it. The topposing counsel, a we'll
known punster. loosely remarked.
Though lost to cite, to memory dear. -
Cincinnati Saturday Night,
What do you raise mostly 10 Maine"
asked New Yorker on the train. of .
horny listed: agriculturist of Somerset.
well, we're raising hi mostly, Just
now replied the b. f. a. of Somerset.
Aud he told the truth, the whole truth,
MY wedding trip" said the groom, as
be tumbled over the BRIDES train.
A philosopher says: You require in
marriage precisely the same quality that
you would 10 eating sausage absolute
confidence"
! Better late than hardly ever il a new
and rather neat proverb by the Rochester
Express.
An exchange tells of young lady who
10 writing to confidential friend, stated
that she was not engaged. but that she
saw a cloud above the horizon about as
large as mans hand.
Short skirts arc now worn for dancing
dresses, and the gentlemen are no longer
obliged to wait for the ladies' TO sidetrack
their train before they can pass -Keokuls
Gate City.
Tommy,aged 10, on visit to bis grand
mamma in the country, hangs his little
hat and cloak 10 the hallway. No fear
of burglars now. Aunt Mary" said Tom
my. with mans lat and coat in the
halI!"
No, George Augustus, rousseau" is
not the French for trousers, 1t is the
French for more things than you could
learn the names of in month. Get mar
ried and you will know more about it,
Brooklyn Eagle.
Miss Fuller, an American lady, will soon
be married to Mr.. Fairbairn, eldest son OF
| Sir Arthur FairbairB. The intended
bridegroom, though extremely quick Of
apprehension, and very amiabIe, is deaf
and dumb. Miss Fuller will always be
sure of having the last word.
In little family discussion, the other
day. the madam remarked. somewhat
tartiy: When I marry again" Il
suppose yop will marry fool" interrupt
ed the husband. Beg your pardon,
said she. Il shall do nothing of the kind
| prefer changei' The lord and master
wilted - Cincinnati Enquirer.
Woman, read this: 4 girl down il
! Massachusetts who painted pottery has
become insane. Aud 10 the horrible
dreams and hideous fanc;es that glare
upon her darkened mind she imagines she
secs all the things she has painted The
medical men say there is no hope for her
-Hawkeve
A young lady who .caue In last week Il
advertise for kitchen help said with sigh
and wiring of her dainty gloved hands
'Ohi do hope we'll get one soon. Fol
} it does almost break my heart to see
, mother wash dishes. with her rheumatism
too. HE Gregor Neaos.
, 90 Il hate pa he is so cross, don't you'll
said little curly hair to her brother
No; bat [ hate ma. sh's so stingy
don't your" replied lie.
. No, but let's form fusion party
( against them both: I'll hate ma fol-
being stingy, if you'll hate pa for beins
cross,
1t is no use. they'll hold a supreme
? court and we shall have to adjourn. - Neu
Hauen Register.
' Listen to this ladies'. 1t is said 20 WON
an who ever was elected to an Office. any
where. ever after received an offersof mar
riage. Now. don't you go and run for pres
ident, and get elected, aud sit foreve
: afterward like lonely whippowill on 6
stump, or the last rose of summer on .
picket fence, with nary young man Il
] come within DO. 900 miles of you Look a
Samuel j. Iilden and take warning. -
r Net0 Orleans f'eay.ns
The mysteries of a babys toilet wer,
altogether new to little four year-old
and he carefully watched the bathing aut
D dressing Of his little cousin. Whel
the little powder-box was open
j and fluffy-Druch was about to be usee
q underneath the bpby's chin, he exclaimed
oh, aunty, let ae see you salt heF.R
''1f the kiss of two souls meeting is
fore-taste Of i'm mortality, what is the kis,
0 at parting?'' We have wrestled with
D many a conundrum, but none has ever
fioored us like the above. We wouldn'
answer it if we could, and we wouldn't
take parting kiss, not II 1t was given IL
} US. Returned with thanks" is our
T formula in all such cases.-4Ne,o Havea
Register.
Chicago Church Choir Co.
This company which gives Pinafore TO.
morrow evening and Saturday afternoor