The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-07-09
Condiments.

"Have you mother-in-law 2" asked a
man of desolate looking person. mo"
he replied; "but have father in jail"
The worst case of "stage-fright" is that
of the man who thinks he has passed up
two-dollar-and-a-half gold piece instead
of dime to the driver.
"Humph!' said young gentleman at
play withNa young lady, Il could play the
lover better than that myself" "I would
like to see you try" was the naive reply.
A new pair of shoes came home for little
five-year- old. He tried them on, and
finding that his feet were in very close
quarters, exclaimed: SO my! they are
SO tight can't wink my toes"
Twenty ladies "chpped in" any bought
some lottery tickets. One cf them told
her minister and he was shocked. "My
dear madam" he exclaimed "do you not
know that is gambing?" She ratified
right along as if she hadn't heard him:
eyes, we are going to draw he $4,000
prize, and if we do-then we all agreed to
give you $500 of it for the new church
organ" "An excellent idea. my dear
madam; excellent, and I devoutly trust
you may win it."
At protracted meeting one of the
hardest families in the neigh borhood, by
name Ransom, were persuaded 10 60 to
the front as subjects for prayer. The re-
joicing people shouted Justify in prospect
of fhalf-a-dozen much needed conversions:
The year of jubilee is come:
Return, ye ransomed sinners, home
This maze old Ransom mad. He took
it as personal insult, got up from his
knees and took his bedraggled better-half
by the arm, saying aloud: "Come oD, old
woman, they don't want the like of us
here; come on, boys and gals" and led the
whole tribe out of church in flaming dud-
geon.
An exchange says One day last winter
bright little boy, whose parents lived on
Main street, near Church street, asked his
mother what building that was, pointing
to the church. She answered, "Ch1i-t
church." A few days later, when the lit
tie fellow tumbled out of bed in the morn
ing there had been fall of snow, and the
sexton of the Christ church was just COM
ing out of the church door with shovel.
The boy with yell of delight cried out,
ooh, mamma. Here's Christ" The mother
astonished, said, Naughty boy! What
do you mean?" "Christw answered the
child excitedly. "Don't you see Him?
He has just come out of His church to
shovel off the snow"
Boston has wealthy citizen of very
liberal disposition. Although belonging
w Ao oai1 i1iouiai iehSiouS sect., no heS al
ways hitherto been found ready to con.
tribute to the carrying out of spiritual
schemes requiring money. Not long ago,
however, he happened to have a business
transaction with one of the deacons of
certain church, and the deacon got quite
six to four the best of him. A few days
afterward the pastor of the same church
called on the merchant for subscription
toward his schools, but to his surprise the
amiable capitalist pushed the subscription
book aside with the abrupt remark.
"Played out" "Dear me-" said the sur
prised parson, Il really counted on you
Mr.. K; you have always been so lib
eral that I was in hopes you would head
the merchant. "I haye changed my
mind. don't think half the people 60 to
the lower regions that ought to-"