Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-12-31
f. II n


PROOF AGAINST AL9 TEMPTATION. -
Dramatis persona "A good young man
three evil-minded gamblers; clergyman;
with his wife and daughter. travelling for
bronchitis. Scene-A pullman car on the
overland trip to California; gamblers play
ing poker, young man reading his ''Travel-
ler's Guide, % preacher looking on.
First Gambler Dung man, will YOU
join us in a friendly game of cards ?"
Young -''Thank you; / never play
cards.
Second Gambler - Y Dung man, will you
take nip ?" PASSES him the flask.l
Young Man-"Thank you; never
drink"
Third Gambler Dung man, will you
have weed ?" [extending his cigar case
Young Man-ssThank you; I never
smoke.''
Clergyman-"Y oung man. I have watch
ed your conduct with great pleasure.
/ have seen you refuse to gamble, drink and
smoke. should be glad if you would go
into the next car and allow me to intro
duce you to my daughter"
Young Man-s'T hank you 1 never
marry. ''-LoaceL Courier
A hatchet-faced woman, of about fifty
one summers, with wealth of freckles
in her face and snuff stick in her mouth,
got into crowded car on Galveston ave-
nue.. There were half a dozen gentlemen
on the car, but none Of them offered to
give her a seat. After she had waited a
reasonable time, she said: s'Ef emmy of you
galoots is waitin for me to squat in yer
laps, you are barkin' up the wrong tree,
for want you to understand Pm lady,
A dread that she was not in earnest caused
six gentlemen to leave the car.
He was great bore, and was talking to
crowd about the coming local election.
Said he: ''Jones is good man he is ca
pable, honest, fearless and conscientious.
He will make the very kind of an officer we
need. He once saved my life from drown
ing" ssDo you really want to see Jones
elected ?" said solemn faced old man. 81
do indeed; I'd do anything to see him
elected ssThen never let anybody know
he saved your life.n The meeting then
adjourned.
a Galveston man went to doctor and
told him, Doctor, there is something the
/ matter with my brain. After any severe
mental exertlon have headache. What
is the remedy for lt?'' 1.-THE best remedy
is to get yourself elected to the legislature
where you will have no occasion to think. .
The patient replied if it wasn't for the
sake of his children he would make the ex-
pertinent. He didn't want them to go
through life with stigma attached to their
names.
We have received story entitled GA
Dark Deed" which was respectfully de-
clined. The first chapter opens with. 1T
is midnight" This is all right. 1t is of
ten midnight-at least seven times week
but the author forgot to add, land silence
broods over the city," This is a fatal
oversight. Silence always broodS over a
city when it is midnight in works of fc
tien--hut no where else. We can't print
story in which silence doesn't brood al
midnia At.-Norristoac Herald.
Gilhooly had bought barrel OF apples
from De Smiths grocery, which did not
give satisfaction. whats the reason, .
said Gilhooly. Indignantly, ''thae the fur
ther down go into the apples the worse
they get ?" ''The reason for that is that
you didn't open the barrel at the other end.
If you had only done that the apples would
be getting better all the time. '-Gdlreston
Neus.
Minister to Rory--sWhy weren It you at
the kirk on Sunday?" Rory-''I was at
Mr.. Dunlop's kirk Minister-"I don't
like your running about the strange kinks
in that way. Not that l object tae yer
hearing Mr.. Dunlop. but Pm shnre ye
wadna like yer ain sheep straying away
into strange pastures" Rory wadna
care grain, sir, if it were better grass. y
1sThat was witty man who. being de-
tanned by snow blockade, penned a dis
patch which ran thus my dear sir,
have every motive for visiting YOU except
locomotive So was the other who in
similar circumstance, telegraphed to his
sirna in New York ST shall not be in the
office to-day, as have net got home yes
terday yet"
Three little boys, on Sunday, were
stopped on the street by an elderly gentle
man. who. perceiying that they had bats
and balls with them, asked one of the num-
Der this question 'sBoy. can you tell me
where all naughty boys go to who play ball
on Sunday2'' "Over back of Johnson 3
dam !" the youngsser replied.
And how is your neighbor, Mrs.
Brown" inquired one nicely-dressed lady
Of another. ''She7s well enough, / sup
pose. havn't seen her for six weeks. y
Why, thought you two were on the
most friendly terms.' swell, We used to
he, but we've exchanged servants
Scene in restaurant: Man with his
coat off struggling with piece of steak
calls out to the proprietor: ''Say, don't the
horns go with this ere meat?'
AChinaman, SAYS an exchange, has en-
tered Harvard College. But it fails to say
that he came out again with students
shis weeks wash under his arm.
A clergymen says: So young woman
Died in my aeighborhood yesterday. while 1
was areachlng in beastly state Of intoxi-
cati9n.7'
Men are like pins. One with little head
may be just as sharp as one with big
head.
Come! comet rest ia CHS BOSOM" AS