Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1880-04-08
YARTETIES.


proach to perpetual motion. KeObuk
Constitution.
"A dog which won t run from an ele-
phant win break his back to get away
from an oyster can.-Free Press.
An organist at Litchfeld, Mimi,
PLAYED "What VIII the Harvest BeP'
as bridal couple marched out of the
church
"A circus never runs too long for
spectators, but let sermon run over
forty minutes, and a congregation can't
sit still.
The man who is architect of his own
fortunes has got to get some poor nobody
todo the carpenter Work-BOStOR Tran
script
We warn all Nihilists that they need
not shoot at us. We have adopted Nell
koff's plan and had all our shirts ironed.
--Erchange
"A London society paper says that
American women would be far more
beautiful if they weighed about 200
pounds apiece.
Miss Florence Nightingale is a great
invalid and rarely leaves her room; yet
there are few buster women in the world.
She is never idle.
"A woman was the inventor of the
hay-press. She got the idea from wish
ing She could be hugged on all sides at
once. .-Fr6e Press.
"A man never looks 50 helpless and
insignificant as when standing around a
dry goods store waiting for his wife to
get through trading.
When a man insists upon informing
the world that he is a gentleman, y you
may know that he has taken no less than
seventy-iiye drinks.
An exchange says the young lady
who can peel a potato in five seconds is
as useful as the young woman who
speaks five languages is ornamental.
Tight shoes are said by Boston ocu-
lists to make bad eyesight. Now we may
account for the fact that barefoot boys
see 50 much that is going on.-M 7.
Herald
-"DOn't be afraid, " said snOb to a
German labOrer; "sit down and make
Yourself my equal.i 81 would haff to
blow my prains out, y was the reply OF
the Teuton
An exchange prints touching little
episode on what child's kiss could do.
The current belief in this matter is, that
it could get mans mustache all molas-
SOS and milk and stuff.
Bilkington has passed away. Mrs.
b., who has Just read the notice Of his
death in the newspaper, said; "What a
pity John couldn't read this. He would
be 50 pleased to see his name in print.
Imagine the horror of an uptown |
mother, whose three-year-old daughter
addressed her with g Mamma, my dolls
played out and don't want any more
rag dollys or china dollys, want q meat
baby"
In an English race the horse that
comes in second wns-provided the
horse that comes in first belongs to an
American. There is nothing small about
John Bull, except his ideas OF fairness.
-N0rristoW@ HcrGM
"A Western paper describing a young
lady putting on her corsets says she
" went to work hauling in the slack Of
the cord something after the style of q
vaquero placing u saddle upon fiery,
untamed mustang" "
Professor Peters has discovered
another comet. ALBANY journal, Well,
what good viii Il do himP He cannot
trade il for dog He cannot spout it
for twenty-five cents. The fact is, this
country has got all the comets it wants.
Who wouldn't be boyP Think Of
the fun boys have, No responsibility,
Clothed, fed and housed without a
thought or care about it. And yet u
boy Is never contented, and we wouldn't
give fly for him if he was -NeW Haren
Register,
"A "sumn in arithmetic. II you can
get one towel out of one yard of cloth,
how many towels can you get out Of two
yartsp The end man of the minstrels |
says it depends altogether on how many /
there are on the clothes line. 49, Ei1Rjrd q
advertiser. I
r." All things come to him who will c
but wait" Not much. The fellow who
borrowed 500 of you last summer will
not come 10 you II you wait 800 years;
and a fortune Of 100000 is still more
dilatory in making one visit ~ Norris I
torn Herald. =
Goodwin Smith thinks we are on the :
verge Of a moral interregnum. We don't y
know what he means, but it must be !
something frightful and if the man who :
borrowed dollar from us last week will -
come in and pay it, he may possibly es- I
cape its full force. EIchdHge, y
"A short Italian prayer which is not y
without wisdom; II pray that may \
never be married. Buff marry Ipray "
that ] may not be deceived. But if am n
deceived ] pray that may not know of 4
IL. But if knowit pray that may be /,
able to laugh at the whole affair 4
"A precocious boy was asked which h
was the greatest evil Of the two, hurting O
another's feelings or his fingers. He Il
said the former Fright, my child" Of
said the gratifed listener, and why is @,
It worse to hurt the feelingsP' "Be- v,
cause YOU can't tie a rag around them, 4" b
exclaimed the dear child. le
So tickle have been the prices Of our II
- g.. Al. |