The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-05-08
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Crcw.dittics-B oatmens songs,
our coming guest-Thc moth.
Good country butter-An old ram.
well known field oilccr-A kernel Of corn
fashionable morning wrappcr--Thc milk
tnan
Culinary prccauton in base ball-A strong bat
ter may burst the pitcher
Why is a cats mouth like free show Be
cause 1t is open to waul.
The warm weather since Monday has cncour-
aged good many straw hats to put in "A shy APP
pearance.
Soap has "rz' in consequence of the manu-
facturc of olcomargarinc having bullcd the soap
grease market.
When you want to find out how poor your
peighbor is dun him for his pew rent.
Hayes has at last found use for Alaska. 1t
gives job to troublesome Ohio man as census
takcr.
"ThC IS a woman at the bottom of It," is
what nau said WAS the trouble when his wife
fell in ne well.
Chi o has one boy who never wanted to 20
to the Tar west and slaughter Indians lie prefers
10 be pirate.
AT | hit yer" said one small boy to another,
'yer'I be usin' yersclf fer snuff tomorrow
Jim Blaine Is ready debatcr. His habit Of
talking back at every opportunity must be very
annoyn. to Mrs. Blaine
Atlanta, Ga, is puzzled over an iron wedge
Al Ua. ia ,,,i1llr nf kIun
rock found forty.six feet under the ground--an
entering wedge IL it were,
When the police fail to dispense the crowd of
loafers that gather around the church doors at
La Sale ON sundays, the minister does 1t in
minute by sending out deacon with the contri-
button box
Never eat roots resembling artlchokcs That's
what two lads in Whitcsdc county did and one
died and the other didn't
An exchange has an article on How to run
newspaper This should be read only by edi.
tors, as every other person in the world knows
Just how a newspaper ought to be run.
sweet and calm serenity
Comes over the souls of those
Who carry full rcCcpted bills
For their new suits of clothes
II any one believes mad bull is color blind
let the experiment be made with red fag in
email yard-N. y. Picaygnc.
Cincinnati mule deliberately walked into the
river and held his head under water until he
drowned Even mule gets tired Of living in
Cincinnati
The great discrepancy between Mr. and Mrs.
"hTistiancys age is given 10y the Atlanta Consti.
tuition in fcw words He is G3 and she is red
headed
When Kentucky father tells young man 10
keep away from his house or he will get hurt the
young man believes in the warming as fully as If
he had read II in the Bible
The trouble with California seems TO be that
TOO many missionaries have passed beyond il to
wrestle with people who are orderly and well
behaved, -D,iyOd FIRE. Pigss
Scene in the Circuit Court Attorney ou
are ready 10 swear, then, that you saw Jones at
O'Clock that night on La Sale street, Witness
VIII, dontknow as how want to swear 10
that, but I'll bet the beer on it,
There was some complaint among shopmen Of
scarcity Of change; but since the tornado sea.
son opened in April the weather has given them
all the change they want.
With his rev motor Kelly expects 10 be able
to saw cord OF wood with ten drops of water.
Under the old tramp system IT usually took pint
Cf whisky or two quarts Of cider
Albany is the city where an alderman, when a
resolution was offered 10 purchase twelve gon.
doias for the park lake moved 70 amend BY max.