The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-02-05
BRTC-1-BRdC,
-Uatcst thing in boots--lolcs.


When cat gives an entertainment
froih tho top ola wall, it isn't the cat
we object to; it's the waul.
"A Sunday school boy was asked if
his father was Christian. lie replied.
"1es, but lie isnot working much atit."
day Gould only made $l5, 900 200
last year. Ofcourse Ire feels disc0ur-
aged, but hopes for better time soon.
-"Physicians say It takes hours to pct
over too sudden rising. We have
observed tho saI,.c thing in connection
with falling.
--'I think the turkey has thc nd
vantage ofyou,' said the landlady to
t!1c tnG lncxpGrt Eonrdcr who was carving.
Gucss 1t has 'mum-in age"
n. Thou goest to tho grange or mill.
y. II to either thou d0st iii.
a. Neither. ID. What, neither? A.
old bachelors arc credited with
having miss-shun in tho world. but
1t is very rarely YOU find an old maid
who Las Il 1nan-shun.
The only difference between q niU
making glutton ofitscIf, and q mn'
making pig ofhimsclfis, that the piy
at some future day will be cured.
-"Whcrc's your partner, this morn
ing, Mr.. Hyson?" the ncighbor asked
the grocer. "Don't know ior certain !"
cautiously replied the old man, che
died last night"
The CoXIIorr debate summarized.
Mf' CoX-"l lourc too fat" Laugh
Mr.. Horrz rz"You'rc too lcou."
(Laughtcr.)
Tho Dubuque Times mixed its
paragraphs little the other day, clos
a marriage notice by saying, sThc suit
has been running for eight or ten years
ana has cost pile Of money!
Your son is getting to be great
DoE. What profession shall.vou give
nm! What is his taste? lie has n
worry decided taste for travelling. Wei.
thcn, make him cashier.
Professor Proctor has been dcliy-
Gcrlng lecture in New York on "The
immensely of Space" Can Mr.. Proc
tor tell what space is?-Ercniny Jou,.-
"di. First tell him whether YOU mean
Il three en-, thin, or hair space.
= Boys who steal marbles, when
playing for fun, with older peoplc
looking on and calling it "smart." !"
when they get to be men will stcn]
from corporations in earnest, and old
CT people will then call it :sdefalca-
ton" 'o'
AT christening. while the minister
was making his certificate he inquired
inc dny ofthc month and happened to
say: Let me see, this is the thirtieth. :"
'ihc thirticth!" exclaimed the indir-
maht mother, ''indccd, but it is only
tho nineteenth"
Woman, read this: A girl down in
who painted pottery.
mas become insane. And the horrible
dreams and hidcous fnncics that plarc
upon her q 'rkened mind, she imaGincs
she sees all the things she has painted
Inc medical men say there is no hope
for her. WV
In ono of Chicago's suburbs, at q
recent Sunday school meeting, long
wlndcd clergyman consumed too much
OF the time with a wordv address.
W non he sat down, the leader of the
announced hvmn-one by
6llss-bcginning, "IIullcluiphI 'tis
donc!" lie didn't mean it, But il WINS
apropos. '''
That's right, dear sisters, send
your starving ncighbors Il good supplv
of tracts. 1t is wonderful what iov
and brightness baskctfnl of tracts
Will bring TO the dear little ones who
haven't tasted brca,, for several dnvs,
Then, too, it cheers the disconsolotc
mother to see her darling provided for
by Christian charity.
Jones, who was inveighing against
The shortcomings of Benson, tho Gus
,ohFhouSc Inspector, was rcprovcd bv |
l5rownlow with the charitable remark:
1ou should've Judge Benson SO harsh !
~ Jones: put yourself in his place, |
now" "rmt's Just what l have been
IRVING to do. for the last six months"
broke in Jones, unthinkingly giving
W. S. Gilbert is q conscientious
student Of Shakespeare. Ii any one |
iouhts it let him read "a Winters |
laie." Act |, scene 2: Lcontcs: "Hcr~
moinc, my dearest, thou never spoll'st |,
70 better purpose IIermoinc: ..Ney-
err, Leontcs: "Ncvcr but once"
And again in the same play there is a
rcitcration in one of AutoJv-
GUS songs:
a gentleman who had been dining
put the night before went into bar.
Der shop to be shaved. He saw that
The barber had been taking more than
was good for him, for his hand shook
very much; and, naturally indignant, |!
began to give him little moral advice
BY saying; '.Bad thing, drink! !"
',,!es," said the barber, sit makes the |
skin awful tender"
"A Long Island Dntchman, i'm read
ing an account ofa meeting in New
York City, came to the words, "The |
meeting then dissolved" He could !
not define tho meaning of the last, so
ne referred to his dictionary, and felt
satisfied. In q few minutes friend !
came in, when tho Dutchman said:
''.Dcy must have very hot wcddcr in
New York: | ret an agount of a meet
ing we're all the peoples melted away"
--.-SeS--
a GooD LIvER-Is always known
Dy his appearance. a man who lives
comfortably ut homo, has good dim
ners, ETC., will always show it in his
person. But there is another liver
more important to man-it is the bad