Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1880-01-31


it as that gentleman's best work, because
it contained very little of Cox and a
good deal of other men. Laughter.
Nothing had been farther from his mind
than the idea of belittling the gentle
man from New York before this assem-
bly,. He knew the gentleman's weight
and accomplishments, and far be it from
him to contest with him. Why, some
body had intimated to him that it was
thought that he was trying to get some
belt from the gentleman. Good heavens,
what good would it be to him? [Great
laughter. caused by HOrr's feeling his
own waist, and insinuating that belt
which would fit Cox would be much too
small for him. No man could surpass
him in his admiration of the beautiful
form of the gentleman from New York,
and he never looked at him without
thinking of some ancient, ancient Gre
cian-"a thing of beauty was a joy for
ever" How simple a statement, and
yet how true! But he wished to make a
suggestion to his friend, which, he
thought, would add to his already eX-
ceeding grace and beauty, and that was
that brother Cox should part his hair in
the middle and wear bangs" Loud
and continued laughterl. He eHOrr) now
approached another subject tremblingly,
because his friend had told the House
yesterday that he once blew man right
through key-hOle, and he HOrr) did
not want such a tight squeeze. His
friend had made speech during the eX
ira session on the test oath. That speech
had marked i'm it laughter" IA times,
applause and great laughter" once, and
"lOng continued applause" once. He
wanted to know if the rumOr was true
that that speech had been printed,
laughter, applause and all, three days
before it was delivered. [ROars of laugh
teri That was big advantage. Gen.
tlemen who could sit down in the dark
ness of the midnight hour, and when
they got funny thing just stop and
cheer themselves and write laughter"
had a great advantage. The gentleman
did too much for the world. That was
probably the reason of his being so thin.
If he furnished the Laughter" and let
the world furnish the applause" it
would not draw so on his constitution.
For the purpose, as he explained, of
showing that he was not wholly to blame
for having applied the term genial lit
tie friend" to the gentleman from New
desk bound volume of Harper's Week
ly, which the clerk held up to the full
view of the House, opened at picture
which represented Cox as speaker of
the House, with his feet resting on the
back of chair. This action of HOrr's
was greeted with rOars of laughter,
which broke out afresh when that gen.
tlemen stated that the picture had been
nuhlichod incf offor Cov hod not hoon
elected speaker. Whoever looked at that
picture, he said, would notice that he
had been placed with his feet on top of
the speakers chair, so that he could get
his head over the desk. He had heard
he been six inches taller he would have
been President. [Laughter.] The Demo-
cratic party had fallen into the same
mistake as the gentlemen said, in Civ
ing heed to muscle instead of brains. If
the gentleman from New York had had
three inches and lot Of votes more. he
might have been Speaker of the House.
He wished to say, in conclusion. that
whatever he might hereafter say in de-
bate, he begged the gentleman from
New York to understand that he had no
malice or hardness of heart in him.
to give him an epitaph. He (HOrr) was
not a poet, but friend had written for
him an epitaph upon the gentleman
from New York, which he thought just
covered the case.
Beneath this slab lies the great Sam Cox,
Who was wise as an owl and brave as an OK;
Think it not strange his turning to dust,
For he swelled and swelled till he finally bust
Just where he has gone, or just how he fares
Nobody knows and nobody cares;
But wherever he is, be he angel or elf,
Be sure, dear reader, he is putting himself.
The delivery of these lines were fol-
lowed by rOars of laughter, which were
redOubled when, Cox making no reply,
the committee rose.
New Jerusalem.
To the Editor of the NORTHERN TRIBUNE.
New Jerusalem is still in flOurishing
condition, and in spite of unfavorable
weather work is pushed ahead with un-
abated yigOr, with the exception of one
crew of faint-hearted Canadians.
There is a lady now residing here who
is so crOss-eyed that the tear from her
right eye falls on her left cheek. She is
so lark-heeled that her parents are said
to have been very undecided as to
whether her infant steps would carry
her forward or backward, and yet she
lived to grow up and for two seasons
was the reigning belle of Montreal, and
she is now the reigning belle of this
place.
The rumor that La Porte, of New Je-
rusalem, is seeking the Republican
nomination is entirely unfOunded.
We are waiting to hear of some bOdy's
disappearance, and think we could trace
out the place where some mans lifeless
body lies wasting away. One of the
boys discovered portion OF a pair of
pants in the apple-sauce lately. "The
Dead Hero of the Apple Sauce Bucket"
or "Fiend of the Cook StOve," would
make fine caption for blood curdling
tale.
Last week the place wasithrown into a
state of excitement by shooting affray,
in which a Canadian attempted to kill
or MAIN an American by strategy. He
loaded an old hOrse-pistOl to the muzzle
and, well knowing the impulsive, gen.
erous nature of the young American,
held out the death-dealing weapon and
asked who would discharge it for him.
The young American, always willing to
assist his fellOw-man, readily offered to
do the asked for favor, took the pistol
and discharged it. The result was that
his hand was torn in frightful man.
ner, the skin was literally stripped from
the palm of his hand. What remained
of the pistol was found some distance
from the spot where the accident Oc-
CURED. The injured mans name is
Porter, and the owner of the pistol
answers to the name of Graham.
We had recipe for making camp
hash, but one of the ingredients gOt
away before we found out the right name
for it, we will complete this recipe and
send 1t down II iS Sarvad mn n Id Dufch