Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-09-15
CIT !-boom beroom-boom boom

language Mortimer p
Well What now %
/ Your voice sounds as if Mortimer,
are you actually standing in front of that
open fireplace %
+" That is the very crime am COM
hitting"
"Get away from it, this moment.
You do seem to be determined to bring
destruction on us ALL Don't YOU know
that there is no better conductor for
lightning than an open chimney? Now
where have you got to ?"
"I'm here by the window"
"Oh, for PHYS sake, have you lost
your mind !? Clear out from there, this
moment. The very children in arms
know it is fatal to stand near the window
in a thunderstorm. Dear, dear, Iknow
I shall never see the light of another day.
Mortimer!"
eyes p
"What is that rustling?"
"It's me-"
"What are you doingi'
Trying to find the upper end of my
pantaloons.
"Quick +! Throw those things away !
[ do believe you would deliberately put
on those clothes at such time as this;
yet you know that all authorities agree
that woolen stuffs attract lightning.
Oh, dear, dear, it isn't sufficient that
ones life must be in peril from natural
causes, but you mustdo every thing you
can possibly think of to augment the
danger. Oh, don't sing What can
you be thinking of ?"
CHOW where is the harm in it ?"
Mortimer, if told you once, I have
told you hundred times, that singing
causes vibrations in the atmosphere
which interrupt the flow of the electric
fluid, and What on earth are you open
ing the door for %
Goodness gracious, woman, is there
any harm in that ?"
Charm There's death in it.
Anybody that has given this subject any
attention known that to create a draught
is to invite the lightning You haven't
half shut it; shut it highland do hurry,
or we are all destroyed. Oh, it is an aw-
full thing to be shut up with a lllnatic at
such time as this. Mortimer, what
are you doing?"
"Nothing. Just turning on the wa
ter. This room is smothering hot and
close. I want to battle my face and
hands,"
"You have certainly parted with the
remnant of your mind Where light
ming strikes any other substance once,
it strikes water fifty times. Do turn it
off. Oh, dear, am sure that nothing in
this world can save us. 1t does seem to
me that Mortimer, what was that?"
1t was DAFT was a picture. Knock
ed it down.
Then you are close to the wall I
never heard of such imprrdence Don't
you know there's no better conductor for
Lightning than a wall :? Come away
from there And you came as
near as anything to swearing, too. Oh,
how can you be so desperately wicked,
and your family in such peril? Morti-
mer, did you order feather bed, as [
asked you to do ?"
"No. Forgot it..
"Forgot it 4! 1t may cost you your
life. If you had feather bed, now, and
could spread it in themiddle of the room
and lie omit, you would be perfectly safe.
Come In here-come quick, before you
have chance to commit any more fran
tic indiscretions.
[ tried, but the little closet would not
hold us both with the door shut, unless
we would be content to smother. I
gasped while, then forced my way out.
My wife called out:
Mortimer, something must be done
for your preservation. Give me that
German book that is on the end of the
mantle-piece, and candle; but don't
light it; give me match; [ will light it
In here. The book has some directions
IN it"
got the book-at cost of vase and
some other little things; and the madam
shut herself up with the candle. I had a
moments peace; then she called out:
Mortimer, what was that? ?"
Nothing but the cat.
"The cat Oh, destruction Catch
her, and shut her up in the wash-stand
Do re quick, love; cats are full of cleo
tricity. [ just know my hair will turn
white with this nights awful perils."
| heard the muff1ed sobs again. But
for that, [ should not have moved hand
or foot in such wild enterprise in the
dark
However, I went at my task-over
chairs, and against all sorts of obstruc-
tons, all of them hard ones, too, and
most Of them sharp edges-and at last
got kitty cooped in the commode, at an
expense of about $40O in broken furni-
ture and shins. Then these muffied
words came from the closet:
Tt says the safest thing is to stand on
a chair In the middle of the room,
Mortimer; and the legs of the chair must
be insulated with non conductors. That
is, you must set the legs of the chair in
tumblers. CIT !-boom-bang !-smash p')
Oh, hear that Do hurry, Mortimer,
before you are struck"
/ managed to find and secure the tum-
blers. [ got the last four-broke all the
rest. J. insulated the chair legs, and
called for other instructions.
Mortimer, it says, 'Wahrerd zines
Gewitters entferne man Metallic, vie z,
B. Ring, Uhren, Schlussel, ETC., von-
SIGH und halte SIGH auch NIGHT an sol
! oh Toll o.-4 Il I