davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
swarm.
lEuInor Ira sllc Family.

Good humor Is rightly reckoned mos,
valuable aid TO happy home life An
equally good and useiul faculty is a sense
of humor or the capacity 10 have little
fun along with the num- drum of life.
We ali know how il brightens things up
generally to have lively, witty compan-
ion, who secs the ridiculous points of
thirgs. and who can turn any annoyance
into All occasion for laughter. 1t does a
great deal better To laugh over some do
mestlc mishaps than cry or ecold over
them. Many homes aud lives arc dull
because they arc allowed to become too
deeply impressed with sense OF the
cares and responsibilities of life TO rocOg.
nize its bright and especially its mirthful
side. Into such "A household, good, but
dull, the advent ~ witty, humorous
friend IS like sunshine 20 cloudy day
While IL Is oppressive TO hear people con
stant'y striving TO cay funny thiDgs, il
comfortable, seeing what brghtcner a
little fun is TO make, AN effort 20 have
some. 1t Is well % turn of ausimpatient
question sometimes and 10 regard II from
a humorous point of view, instead of DC
coming irritatIye about IL. "Wbat is the
reason | can never fed clean shirt 2
exclaimed good but rather impatient
husband, after TummaRiDg through the
wrong drawer. His wife looked at him
steadily for moment, half inclined to be
provoked, then with comical look re-
piled 81 never could guess coDumdrnms;
| must give II up" Then hc laughed, and
they both laughed, and she went and got
his shirt, and he felt ashamed of himself
and he kissed her, and then che felt happy;
and 20 what might have been an occasion
for hard words. shd unkind feeiogs be
came just the contrary, AL through the
little vein Of bumor that cropped out TO
the surface. Some children have a pecu-
liar faculty for giving humorous turn TO
things when they are reproyed Il does
lust ~ well oftentimes. Laughter is be
ter than tears Let US haYe a little more
al home.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
Josh tSIiinyS.

Pills will sometimes refuse to &C,
on the liver, but saving wood will
never do SO.
Anger alw ys hurts us more than
the one we set mad at.
When man ain't good for moth
'og else, he's just night to sit on a
Jury.
What man gets for nothing he
is apt to value it at just about what
i, cost.
don't bet on r,tooa;ous child
zen the huck berry that ripens
soonest is always the first to decay.
Every body seems to consider
hlmselt a kind of moral half
bushsl to measure the worlds
fraiities in.
lie who has nothing to do in this
world but amuse himself, has got
the hardest job on hand | know OF.
have always said, and | believe
1t still, that the time to be careful
est is when you have a handful Of
trumps.
Next in point OF moanness 10
doing a man an injury, is to do him
favor and every now and then re-
mind HIM OF it.
Woman has always been more
than a match for man. Adam held
the best cards but didn't know how
to play them we'll.
The man who is honest from
policy needs az much watching az
hive OF bees just getting ready to
swarm.
Biographies are deIiehtsome read
ing, we compare all the virtues of
The person with our own, and hls
ia'ings with our neighbor.
There 9 a lot OF young men in
this world that are like q rooster
take the cockade and spur1 off .hOm,
aud you couldn't hardly tell them
from a hen.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
narI. Twnin,s vow moleI.

Having lately opened a bakery, send
you these, my rules and regulations
This house will be considered strictly
incorporate.
None but the brave deserve the fare.
Persons owing bills for board will be
bored for bills.
Boarders who do not wish to pay In ad
vance are requested 70 advance aud pay.
Borders are expected 10 wait on the
colorcd cOOks--for meals.
Sheets will be nightly changed, once 10
six month";, or mole If Necessary.
Boarders are requested to pull of their
boots IL they can conveniently do 20.
Beds ~ith or without bugs.
Boots bla,ked by The proprietor aro 70
bc lrft iu charge OF the proprietor. This
g. i.le3 upon % he vi.l not be held
-c.p nsb'e f.r nD losses.
Inside m.ucfs ai.i moi be- furnished 10
newspaper men under any consideration
reporters Keep scarce
Dreams vii be charged bv the dozen.
Nightmares hired out at reasonable
rates.
Stone vaul;g VIII be furnished to snor
iog bosrd.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
~ womIdNot Doubt.

Wouldn't it create a lively sensation
in gossipy little Jersey village for a
preacher who n. d just married a couple
TO address them as follows, as did a
French priest a recently married couple
1t is from the bottom Of my hear,
Joseph, that congratulate you upon
the great step you are taking IL was,
indeed, sad to see you wasting your
youth in life Of drunkenness How
over, all is well, that runs well, and
it pleases me to think that you have said
goodbye forever to the wine shop As
10 you my poor Catherine, thank Heav-
en- heartily that you have been able,
ugly as you are, TO find husband nev.
or forget that you ought, by an un-
changeabla sweetness and devotion
without bou ds, to try to obtain pardon
for your physical imperfection, for re-
peat, you are q real b.under 0 + nature
And now my dear children, join you
IN "matrimony" II we had been that
bridegroom, only the priests sacred
office would have prevented us from
putting higj ly swelled head on him.
We are not informed how Joseph took
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
DeIecIive,s story.

There is story told OF lady
and gentiepan travelling together
on an English railroad. They were
strangers to each other. Suddenly
the gentleman said
MADAM / will trouble you TO
look out Of the window for few
minutes ! am going to mSke some
changes in my wearing apparel"
CERTAINLY, sir" she replied with
great poiteness, rising and turning
Der back upon him. 10 a short time
he said
NOW, Madam, my change ie COM
pleted, aud you may resume your
seat
When the lady turned che be-
held Ter male companion trans
formed into a dashing lady with q
heavy veil over her face.
Now, SiT, or madam, whichever
you are" said the lady, II must
trouble you to look out Of the win
dow, for I also have sonO ohangeI to
make in my apperel."
Certainly, madam" said the
gentleman in lsdy's attire immedi-
ately complied.
Now, sir, you may resume your
seat"
To his great surprise, on resumipg g
bis seat, the gentleman in female at
tire found his lady companion trans.
formed into man. He laughed
and said
"It appears that we are both snx-
ious to escape recognition. What
have you done ? ] have robbed
tank q
"And / said the whilcm lady.
as he dexterously fettered his com
panion's wrists with a pair Of hand
cuffs, "I sm Detective j., of
Scotland Yard, aad in female ar
psrel have shsdowed you for two
dsYs-Dow, drawing a revolver,
Neep still.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
= Queer Custom .

Ia CaiD., WI g 70 l. dt tsirablc to ge
rid su. very 'LHueni official IL 1,
done In very polite manner He is not
condcmu1 4 20 loa.h II oalY receives n
neat p'rc'' containing 8 e..S II cord,
with an imp ria jsp.,ch setting forth
that, in consequence 1T his great virtues
and many services r.c emperor is gra-
ciously ,eesct 'n allow him TO strangle
or hang himself; and the recipient is
thercupon supposed TO write careful IN
swer. thanking hIs majesty for his con
sidersiiont and stating that the hint will
be Immediately taken.
a rule the unlucky official does fu-
ish himself "I " h AL dispa'ch But (.
case occurred not long ago ia Pvkin which
sadly outraged all feelings OF Chinese
court propiety. General Shang yr .wbc.
during the last China war, commanded.
the body OF men which treacherou9ly
seized Sir Harry PArkcs aud several
others under flag of truce-most of the
poor fellows dying in great torment af.
terward--was one of the those Il d screet
men whose tongues are too long or tbei
safety. After the war he took local
command, ana having once been rebuked
by the empress mother, INDUCED in some
remarks about her character or course
some kind friend told the empress and
something. afterward, subordinate of
shang-yu'S charged him with some of
tense he was ordered to the capital for
trial. lie came boldly, trusting to HE
g'ea' wealth 90 c-ci?c unpleasant conse-
! quences. sls w-s lodged in prison. but
allowed to do much as he liked, aud some
OF his wiYes usod to come and see him
daily.
lie staid there so long, and wac 30
comfortable, tha, lac began 10 think he
had been forgotten, and in an evil hour
he sent In petition TO he put at once on
Trial The Emperor Tank wong had died
since HE arrest, and the emprcsscs were
IN reality governing through the regent.
Prince kung and General Shang-yu lit
Tie knew that his incauuous remarks had
Deen repeated. When the petitions of
the day were eubmittted TO the Junior en-
press, his was read and he was ordered TO
be beheaieG. There was nothing for il
but to obey the cmprcass orders and a
decree permitting" him to sirangIo him
sell was immediately drawn up, and sent
to him with the usual package of silken
cord Bu! Shang-yu didn't take o: all Il
proper view of his du;ics, aud ho did no,
iehd bInselt To the operation. Ii was
not etiquette 20 call 10 the i.ilors 10 stran-
gle him, and the bearer Of he bow strior
ana TIC governor OF nc ja.i were h,rdl,
strobg enough 90 cope with tOl,rabIy
muscular man who objected to lcttin,
th''d hang MIN iIywayor they rot fl.
c'r' ground 2 ncsln, and after long
course of reasoning got him to mount IL
Stool aud put his neck in the moose. IL
must haYn been very much ike Puucn
ana Judy For i,s- be shouid change
ms mnj. they ait a,; allow hun ~ RICK
the stool away huscif. as Is customary.
1nt pulled % away themselves ana when
his wives came tina, day, is usual, d, ct.,
ner, they Vere shown lis corpse mil
hanging.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
EnrIy S,camboating on the Hudson


The Albany .i,gttS has an article ON
Hudson river boating of carly days. 1t
says:
"opposition" i'm tho earlier DAYS meant
a great deaf moro than at present. The
captains ana pilots OF tho dincront lines
OF boats made IL a point of duty L iutor>
iero with the business in ovcry possible
manner, and the feelings OF passengers
wer frequently enlisted i'm behalf OF the
vessel they chauccd To bo ON. Many
stories are told of boats running into
each other, of pilots exchanging pistol
hots, and of other ike encounters ON
the river between opposition boats and
their crews. one of these. occurring In
'eptember lsS5. is rclntcd in the .ig,gus
of the 22d of that month While the
North America was preparing TO land its
passengers at CoNSacl 10, tho Emorald
came along and colhdod with her. but 80
lightly aS To do little damage. ACtor tho
ID lats had left CuNsacllo, hpwovor, and
while, as the officers of the North Amer
lea assert, sho was pursuing her course
quietly, the Emerald started directly
aero the river toward her. She struck
the North Americas wheel house with
her larboard bow, carrying away side
house, railing, hoat,cranks, eto. Tho
Emerold's wheel pessGd over tho North
Americas small boat, which was low err
cd down, and stovo it to atoms. Astho
North America slowly cleared from the
Emerald, tho Emerald ral,ei her whole
sido, from tho wheel house AFT. Immo.
diatcly after sho cleared cheer wns
started at the wheelshousc OF tho Emcr>
aid and responded to 10y hor passengers
Tho directors Of the Nor:h America as
sert tina; they had In their possession n
certificate Of "a person on board the Em-
orald who hoard tho captain and pilot
ogree 10 run into tho North America and
do her all tho injury they could, and that
IN the iuliiilmont of this agreement the
boat was steerod directly across the river
so ~ TO strike the North America, and
tho passengers were requested To go TO
the starboard side 50 as to put the lsmor-
aid in a position to do as great injury rs
possible,
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
NO. 9
Knowledge in ~ Nutshell.


A cubit is two feet.
a space is three feet.
a fa,hom is elk feet.
A span is ten aud sever tenth
inches.
A palm is three inches,
a great cubit is eleven feet.
A leagne .is three. miles.
There are 2,750 languages.
Oatt, thiyty three pcuuds to tho
bushel.
Ban, twenty 6ve pounds to the
busbel.
Barley, forty eight pounds to the
bushel.
A days journey is thirty-threo
and one eighth miles.
Two persons die every second.
Sound moves 743 miles per hour.
A eto:m blows thirty Six miles
per hour.
A hurricane moves, ieighty miles
per hour.
An acre contains 4.840 square
yards,
The.ayerags hpmau.life. .isathirty-
one years.
n square mile contains 6i0 acres.
@A hand (horse measure) Is four
inches.
Timothy seed, iorty-6vo pounds
to the bushel.
Buckwheat, 6lty-two pounds. to
the bushel.
Coarse salt, eighty FIVE pounds to
the bushel.
The first luciler match was made
in 1929.
A tub of butter weighs eighty -four.
pounds.
A barrel OF rice weighs about 200.
pounde.
h frkin OF butter weighs fifty Blk
pounds.
A.b ,rrol OF. -four weighs about 1876
pounds.
A barrel OF salt pork weighs 200
pounds,
A rllls ball moves 1000 miles per
hour.
A rapid river flows. seven -milss
per hour.
Electricity moves 228.oo0 miles
per hour,
The first horse railroad was built
in 1867.
A moderate wind blows 7 miles
per hour.
The first steamboat. piled the
Hudson in 1907.
Gold was first discovered in GAL
iicrnia in lS48.
4 mile is s, $50 lest, or l,760 yards
il length.
Corn, rye and A4xJeed, ffty-six
poEnds per bushel.
Wheat, beans and clover seed,
sixty pounds per bushel.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
Does the world Miss Anyone!

Not long The best and most use oi
us will soon be forgotten. Those who
to-day are filing large place in the
worlds regard will pass away from the
remembrance of men in few months,
or at the farthest in few years after
the gave has closed upon the remains
We are shedding tears over new made
grave and wildly crying out in our
grief that our loss is irreparable, yet IN a
short time tie tendrils Of love have
twined ar und other supports, and we
no longer miss the one who is gone. 80
passes the world. But there are those
to wh IN a loss IS beyond repair There
are men from whose memories no
womans smile can chase recollectons
ol he sweet face that has given up all
its beauty at deaths icy touch. There
a e women whose plighted faith extends
beyond the grave, and drives away as
uroG,ne those who would entice them
from a worship Of their buried loves
such loyalty. however. is hidden aw ~
ON the public gaze. The world sweeps
30 beside and around them and cares. o."
not luois 90 upon tlis unobtruding grief.
il carves a line and rears a stouo over The
doad and hastens away to Offer homage
10 the living
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
History Of cbIeroform. .

The story Of the discovery Of the pi OPP
critics Of chlorOform is this: a Scotch
chemist and bookseller at Linlithgow,
had ane day some Of the liquid in sau~
cor. when gentleman entered the shop
with a little dog. The chloroform was
placed on the ground to bo out Of the
way, aud presently the dog was discoy~
cred lying by the side Of tEc saucer, un~
conscious, and apparently dead. After
q time. however, while the stranger was
moun ming tho loss Of his pet, the dog
moved his limb and gradually regained
consciousness. This started expert
ments, which resulted in 1917 i'm the
perfection Of the discovery.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
BE Honest.

Young men, just commencing life's
turbulent career, in whatever pursuit
whether in the free, manly industry of
the farm and the workship; in the rro-
fessioual, or the more hazardous snd
wearing mercantile undertakings-let
me say to you. be honest. You have
doubtless been told this in print and 10y
word, since your earliest recollection.
But have you realized the full import Of
its meaning-of what vital Importance
1t is TO your whole future career? In
brief, it amounts to just this 1t you
wish TO succeed, to be happy and re-
spected, then be honest, freely and
heartily, for principles and honesty's
sake. If you wish to go down to ruin,
shame and dishonor, then be dishon-
est, untruthful, tricky, aud your wishes
will be speedily cai ried into effect
You may see times when the temporary
success of unprincipled undertakings
may allure; but do not be deceived. Be
firm as n rock for truth and right, and
you will find yourself on the raising
road to fortune and to fame when their
rotten structures are topping to des
truction, If you are intrusted by
others with their interests and business,
prove worthy of the trust IN every pail
ticular. You will have hard battles TO
fight but keep up your courage and
stick TO principles of right. Let not
the hell-gilded allure roments of the prac-
tices and amusements OF those who
spend more III ney uselessly each week
than their wages amount u ever lead
you from Il firm determination to be
honest and manly, and you caunot help
but succeed. You may oitentimes find
yourself spurned, neglected, and those
less worthy promoted over you, but let
this not swerve you. In time your sue
cess your upward career, will be all the
speedier, all the m re glorious. Never
misrepresent to make a sale. Never
adveI tise humbug, falsehood or color
able statement BE frank gentlemanly
and honest, nd charge for your labor
and your products all they are worth,
just what you can afford TO take, and
you will find plenty to appreciate, plen
ty to patronize.
Young nen, let me especially and
earnestly advise you to so cqnduct your
lives and acts that each night, when
you seek your pillow. you can truth
fully say TO yourself and to God | have
been faithful, truthful and honest !
have not wronged others to enrich my
self. you do this you will be happy
and successful. A peace and a JOY of
heart and mind will be yours, which
the world could not purchase from you
There is nothing in all my varied ex
perience which gives me so great com
fort and abiding satisfacti n as IN in
ward consciousness that I have never
been tempted to grossly misrepresent
nor to un! awfuly appropriate to myself
a single fraction nor farthing intrustcd
TO my care.
Young men, you will be greatly
tempted; you may have reverses and
misfortunes, may be foully slandered
out be steadfast for truth and honesty
proving TO the world 10y your lives that
your Iever,es are not through your
carelessness or inability that conien-
gent SANDERS are without foundation
and success will suppl.nt misfortune,
and slander will reyert with crushing
force on the heads Of its inventors.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
4 Famous Goblet.

At banquet recently given at Cross
warden, in celebration OF the hundreth
annivorsary OF the Catbedrars complies
ton, Bishop Lipovniezky in proposing
the toast Of 'The Hungarian King ard
The Roman Ponun,' aised aloft crys-
tai goblet which had undergone a strange
adventure a century ago. In tho sum
mer Of 1889 Franz Hacker, master car
pentor from Gfon, who had supedutond~
ed the construction Of the q rosswardsn
Cathedral, emptied this very glass. stand
ing OH the roof Of the huge ediGce, to the
health Of tho "King" Of Hungary, Ma ria
Theresa and hurled the goblet from him
with the intention Of shattering 90 TO
pieces, 80 that having served to do honor
20 his sovereign, 10 might never again c
utilized for any meanor purpose. The
glass, however, sustained not tho slight.
est injury from its fll Of nearly two
hundred foet, and was picked up by q
venerable ecclosiastcal dignitsry. Alb
bot solomon, who proposed that tn
name Of the King should be engraved
upon it, aud that 10 should bo tEou sent
TO Vienna AZ a present to hor Imperial
Majesty. Before however, This PROPOSE.
ton be carried JGi, Maria Theresa died,
and the intangible goblet was solemuly
deposited in the Treasury Chamber OF
the Grosswardsn Chspter where 10 has
remained ever since an object Of popular
/ admiration and rev renee ON the 3c-
casion Of the late jubilee it was produced
for the special purpose above referred TO-
and once again, after a hundred years
/ honorable retirement, teemod with Ioya
/ hbation to the health and long life o.
! Magyar monarch. London TcLegyaDh.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
Eoot ItOtin sheen.

This disease is contagious and may
spread thr, ugh tho entire flock, unless
prompt preventive measures arc tax II.
In It tho whole hoof becomes iniIamed
blistors form ON the heels and between
tho toes, which Eroak aud in fcw days
form ulcers which oxcreto rctid matter.
The fo eioet are usually Affected, and tho
sheep goes about feeding rainmIly on its
knees, The hoof is lost in course of time
and sore stump alone Is left. IL is
usually the result Of feeding on wet pass
tpres' II should bo treated on the first
appearance Of lameness, for aftorward
the whole condition Of the animal is de-
moralizol. III raw, loooso or diseased
horn should be cut away, and ifany pus
or matter is 'ound under the horn il
should DO removed. Tho feet should
then be washed with cartolic soap and
water twice "a week, and after each Hnsh
ing piece Of soft tow or lint steepod i'm
tie following mixture should DO bound
ON the foot and between tho toes oxide
Of copper, four ounces; arsenic. half an
ounce; acetic acid. three ounces; honey
eight ounces. Rurm Mem Yorker.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06

Probably the most noted will in
existence was that Of Peter The uson
who left $3,OOOOOO TO accumulate
until all bis sons and grandsons were
dead. When this time arrived the
entire property-wh.ch, IT was reck-
oned, wonld have grown TO at least
$05, 900 .OO0--wss TO be transferred
to the eldest est-gran1son. The
will was pronounced valid by Lord
LouRhborough in l799, but an act Of
psrliameet was passed in the follow
ing year rendering null all such
bequests 80 future. IL was thrown
Iuto ohsocsry, and when the grand
son Of Thellusou eldest con claimed
the bequest be only received ia 1859
about the original sum. The short
est will iu existence is said TO have
been proved At Lewes in 1878, and
q cous,-ted Of eight words only "Mr
---- to have all when ! d.s.'-Lon.
dom Academy.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06

Read o TO contradict and refute, nor
70 believe and take for granted nor 10
find talk and dls:oure, but to weigh and
consider.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-11-06
Easily DiscOncertsd.

Timid people, who are easily embar
rassed and put To the blush, are NO, neccs.
sarily towards; and when they are really
reused To anger their wrath IL to be feared.
Meanwhile, they are afraid even Of the
store clerks, aud hardly dare to go away
without buying something They tremblc
at the sight Of II waiter, and fec him and
patiently take what be places before them.
never grumhliug. They reverence a con
dnctor or brakeman Ms II he were prime
munster, ahd are flied with glory If he
"uiy do's not pnt them off the car. They
always take the poorest seat, fer fear pco
pie may think they are selfish, aud If n
snowfall hits them in the head, they turn
aud smile vote of thanks to the hoodlum
who threw it, They arc not Uhah Heeps,
6ut modest, unwordly, good-hearted peo-
plc, Yho admire the saucy, practical once.
rs d na,utai consequence, they are pretty
generally imposed upon by others.