The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-08-06
HERE AND THERE.

III AduucE may INV bS AS 5"A~NA 80
fairly sclf-supporting.
Mrs. Hancock calls her husband neces-
sity, because he knows no law.
The veterans who will vote for Han
cock wore gray uniforms during the war
of the rebellion.
DIR. Tanner is beginning to vOmlt
mucus and bile, which is u pretty safe in
dication that lac will next throw up his
contract.
Hancock's letter of acceptance and his
resignation as an army officer, are
probably holding off for the June floods
in Kansas.
The Democrats could not have i'm
proved upon Hancock without mourning
the expense of purchasing putty to man
ufacture a candidate.
1t never rains, but it pOurs. 1t is said
that the widow Butler is about 10 seat
her plump form upon the back of the
overtaxcd Democratic camel.
The boy-baby whose father has de-
clared that he will not christen him till
Hancock is elected, will be apt to be
called "Bub" till the end of the chapter.
1t is hardly necessary TO state that DR..
Tanner is an OHIO man. ALL the intel
lecturai prodigies as well as the cham
pion idiots of the country are of
Buckeye origin.
1t is generally conceded that, so far as
socks and linen are concerned, the i'm
Fortunate demand for Il "change" on the
part of the great unwashcd is thorough
" well founded.
Petroleum V. Nasty finds n supreme
ly rich lead in General Hancock, and
Tom Mast is throwing, if possible, a
finer quality of soil in this canvass than
he employed during the Greeley cam
paign.
The negro refugees Will doubtless sup
port Garfield and the Republican ticket,
but we must not ignore the important
fact that the Democrats who swelled the
exodus to Canada in 1868 are solid for
Hancock.
The Kansas City Times has notrepOft
cd Republican desertiOn to the Han
cock standard for two whole days. The
champion liar of the concern must have
gone on his annual summer visit to his
"wife's folks"
1t is automatically affirmed that nature
abhors u vacuum, and persons of specu
lative tendencies find pleasant diversion
in making comparative estimates of hel
aversion for Doctor Tanners stomach
and Judge Vrooman's head.
The outside public, who are not Sc
happy as to possess a saving know
ledge of Kansas politics, are paraphras
ing the feverish inquiry of celebrated
Buckeye statesman, and are asking
"Who in the HI is Vrooman, and wher'
IN the HI is Eurcka?"
Devout people are praying that the re
ligious encampment at Bismarck grow
may result in the conversion of Brothe
Ross, of the Lawrence Standard, who's
deep depravity has assumed the hopeless
form of an ambition to run as candi
date for governor on the Democrat
ticket.
DIR. Tanner has been widely censuFe
as the promoter of domestic infelicitie
which led to Il separation between him
self and wife. The public, however
seems disposed to exercise some degre
of charity for the unhappy man, sine
they have learned that the lady was il
corrigibly addicted to onions.
A Chicago physician says if femal
clerks would abolish cOrsets they coul
stand all day and not feel weary or il
jure their health. Here is n suggestio
that should be fertilized by the hant
some gentleman to whom has been a
signed the arduouS duty OF carrying til
Democratic party through the presses
canvass.
DIR. Tanner feels quite comfortab
since vigorous emesis relieved Ii
over loaded stomach of quantity
mucous and bile. 1t is thought if Il
AIR could be excluded from that memb
, and the doctor could inure himself
the habit of abstaining from water,
might consummate Il lucrative engag
, ment rs the fat man of u travelling sil
I show ut the end of his forty days fast.
e In addition to her numerous intellC
tual achievements, Sara Bernhardt Ia
b demonstrated to the world the encoU
/ aging fact that matrimony is not, as Ii
= been popularity supposed, the SOURCE
q all the misery that afflicts the hum;
n family. The French actress repudiat
il and has u profound contempt for I
0 connubial relation, and still, go whe
she may, her household is always hauI
i ed by the thinnest of skeletons.