The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-12-30
THE DAILY BULLETIN,
W.T. ANn IlCM0R.

y NGnpOlDOi, ~ tNp idll lIc ulici-
cncc between "dcai" and "dcer," said
one was Wpcd aud the other u quad
ruped,
\ funeral procession, consisting Of
ten or twelve carriages and a hearsc,
blocks up the road much to the dis
gust Of pedestrian, who looks at 1t
sayagcy, and says: "lIurry along.
Can't ever get through" "Ycs," re-
turns a malicious jchu, "if you want
to take the first carriage"
In dizzy restaurant: A customer is
dissatisfied with the microscopic di-
mansions of fish ball with no bread)
and makes great kick. "Where's the
proprietor? Send him here" he de-
inands. The waiter with an inGtIablc
smile "Oh, monsieur, the proprietor
never cats here"
An exchange says "Thc Pcnnsyl-
vauia Dutch girls make good preserves,
but it doesn't say how much sugar
you take TO a pound of Dutch girl, nor
how long YOU let 'em boil. The re-
ccipt for prcscrving Dutch girls should
be published. "Put ZEN in dc BAG"
A youth refused to take pill. His
crafty mother thcrcupOn placed the
pin in preserved pear and gave it to
him. Presently she aske : TON,
have you eaten the pear" lie re-
piled: "Ycs, mother-all but the
seed"
Many a fathers pride is shocked,
and many a mothers heart blee Is a
tribe a. their boy "up ut grandpa's
writes his little scrawl home, This
is the Dos plac. | lik Twin. hear better
than to home" and they inwardlyyoW
never TO be harsh with the little fell
low when he comes back. Make home
the boss place for your children even
il they seem to DC "Doss' OF it.
Mark Twain says the only introduce
ton 70 literary audience that he ey-
err hal that seemed TO him the right
word in the right plaCe--a real inspi-
ration-was as follows: "Ladies and
gentlemen, shall not waste any UNI
necessary time in the introduction. /
don't know anything about this man;
at least only know two things about
him-one is that lie has never been in
the penitentiary, and the other is, l
can't see why"
1t was on Sound boat, and the
mate was evidently annoyed about
something. Garry it forward" lie
roarcd. "Carry it forward, you Junk
headed son OF q scuIpin, or hope TO
be zee whitley gaul dustcl to jude II
! don't maui the dad slammed head
ofi7n We with a capstan bar, YOU hog
hacked molligrubber, yeW And the
deck hand locke up in profound adj
miration, and said by George, cap,
i'll had your cu.cAur | wouldn't be
runmn as mate for no man in these
waters; III he commandin' q boat OF
my own"
y was full as goat the other night
when he LETT the CLUB 10 fluid his way
to the fair creature who calls him her
"protector." a. he rolled rather care
lc-sly along the sidewalk he accident
ally dropped his cane. The devil
take it," lie muttcrci as he straight
Cucu DNck Mtei an allcLlpl 10 lIch IL
up which nearly resulted in throwing
him on his face. Two or three more
such attempts followed. AMI then X
addressing the cmc in tone Of deep
disgust said, 81! pick YOU up, | viii
fail. and you wouldn't pick me up"
An, lie ruled on leaving the cane
where ii fell.
"My FRIEND" BEGAN a serious inli-
viiual who called IN at provision
dealers tie other day, "will you give
ne lew minutes to talk about your
future Futures no, blast your
futures, I'm stuck $4,000 with the
blauked things. I'm doing nothing
but spot business now, and BANKED
little OF ,hat. There's Charley ;. up
stairs, he'll talk futures with You
from July to eternity-gooI morning
and the pork man rushed out, Ieay-
ing the good clergyman, who was ill.,
experienced in the slang Of the trade,
spceeAless with astonisAmcnt, and he
saved up his remarks on the future
for q future opportunity.