Richland beacon., 1880-03-06
PASSING SMILES.

1nSt2HCc.
\ CONGRESSMAN CANNON of Utah, il
the husband of six wives, and thu
father of twenty-seven small boys, each
one of whom is a son OF . gun.
"THEREs q pair of home-made-sus
penders.' said the Governor of Texas
pointing to q couple of newly elected
Sherifis.
No thief ever experienced 30 much
remorse of conscience, ~ he who steals
a curl from q pretty wOman's head
and afterward learns tlrst it il false
hair.
| THERE was a young girl Of 0eiena;
shed mouth like bowling hysns;
On his shoulder, he said:
"Oh. amt you darling gay ienaI"
The ballots that the Massachusetts
aides voted were scOllOped and cut bias
and one lady frequently said to another,
"Her ballot is old fashioned and
doesn't look fit to be seen." This will
not do.
The Car of Russia receives s., $780,.
600 per year, or $25, 900 per day; the
Sultan of Turkey 5000, 900 per year,
or $4,000 per day; Emperor Frances
Joseph of Austria, $4,000, 900, or $lO,.
600 per day; King William Of Prussia,
$4,000 900 per year, and the King Of
Italy, 81, 200, 900 per year.
COUNTRY Practitioner (surprised at
the visit of notorious quack and
/ li-vender)-" Well, what brings you
here?" Quack (evidently suffering from
disturbed peristaltic actiOn) y" Well, air,
h.. = coal ~otbn, "
Country practitioner-"Then why don't
you take one of your pearls Of
I think T7e swallowed one-by mis.
take"
THE velocity of falling body may be
| l6 feet the first second, 48 the next, and
thence vary inversely as the square of
the distance by twice tie product OF the
first by the second and 10 on by pro-
crcsson od inhnitum but calculations
OF velocity momentum and projectilc
force are utterly lost on man when he
hits the wrong end of stick of kindling
wood. and it Aops up and knocks the
skin off his nose in four places.
A TENNESSEE pie-eater has reformed,
and will hencefOrt,I eat pies no more.
He was employed by bakery firm, and
they, missing various pies. baked some
with crOtOn oil. The dishonest pie.
eater got sick, and, thinking he was
booked for the region whence no bone
of any traveller returns, confessed steal
ing the pies, and learned what had been
put in them. He was 10 mad that he
got we'll and had his employers arrested
for attempting to poison him.
\ YOUNG man from the country
passing McLeod's tobacco store in st.
John, saw FIVE cent piece on the side
walk and Immediately put his foot on il
until he could pick it up undiscovered,
and you can bet that rustic youth ex.
hausted his vocabulary of cuss words
when he found it was only tin tobacco
stamp. And thus through life do we
chase phantom shadows and think them
real.
"MY DEAR" she said, as they sat at
breakfast, who is Hilo Pedro?" When
he asked an explanation, and she told
him that he had talked in his sleep 90
much about him, he tried to swallow
some imaginary object in his throat and
murmured something about reading
Brazilian history, and being deeply in.
terested in the Emperor, whose name il
Hilo Pedro, and, bless her soul, she b.
lieved.
THERE Is . remarkable we'll in the
town Of Thurman, situated along what
Is known as the "River Road" Tho
we'll is about 81 feet in diameter at tho
top, and its depth has never been ascer.
tained. 1t has been sounded 555 feet
without reaching the bottom. The
water is clear and cold, and the we'll is
always full. 1t was frst discovered
about ninety years ago, and its sides
were then walled up with stones, a.
they appear at the present time
Glenn's Falls Republican.
SHOEMAKERs wax has been used
with success in Glasgow to illustrate
to the students of natural philosophy,
in model, the flow of glaciers. II is
wonderful how closely the flow Of this
wax resembles that OF ice. Sir w.
Thomson has also employed this sort Of
wax to show the motion of lighter
bodies, like cork, and heavier bodies,
like bullets. thronph q Vicious substance.
WHEN the crescent of the young
moon rests supinely, it's horns in air,
it is a sign of dry weather, because in
this position it holds all the water, thus
preventing it's fall TO the earth. This is
also sign of wet weather, the explana-
tion in this case being that . waterful
moon is emblematic of water soaked
earth. Don't forget this sign of the
new moon. 1t is rarely yeu will find
one 20 impartially accommodating.
DIR. JOHNSON commends Frederick tia
Great for being able to tell where a
particular bottle of wine was placed in
the cellar. The same minute attention.
combined with vastness of design, va
observed in Henry Nv. "He was %
extremely exact" says sully, "as to
make me give him an account once a
week Of the money received and tho
uses IL had been put to. He does not
omit to remark that, in casting some
cannon. they wanted to rob him of .
piece" The only thing he neglected
was his own personal comfort and equip
ment. Once, calling suddenly on his
Salet de chonsbre for an account of his
wardrobe, he was told that he had only
eight shirts three of which were the