The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-10-06
OCTOBER G..
VARIETIES.

DlSHOp Lluet VI SIiCiuHdtl, ndS ue'
clared that no banged or trizzled hair
will be allowed among the women of
his congregation.
A young lady who was blamed
for allowing her glove to be discov-
cred in young mans pocket stated
that she had no hand in it.
An observing old lady says :-"It's
the quiet young man in the corner
who lets his rivals do all the talking
that unusually marries the girl"
An Irishman, on being told that
certain kind of stove would "save
half the COAL" said: "Indade; thin
I'll take two OF them, and save it ALL"
"Sold1ers must be tearfully dis
honest" said Mrs. Darlington; sit
seems TO be an occurrence every
night fora sentry to be relieved Of
his watch"
No woman, however nervous, has
right to wake up her husband from
sound sleep to tell him, on enquir,
ing what's the matter, Nothing,
only wanted to know if you were
awake"
"Mercy" exclaimed an old lady
upon first seeing an engraving of the
passage of the Red Sea by the chill
dren of Israel, mercy! what
family the man had !"-Boston Tran
script.
"Charles," said she sharply, as
they passed lonesome corner last
night, ''do you want me to come out
Of this sleigh ride with my hat look
ing as though it had been run over
by an omnibus ?" And yet he didn't
seem to care.
johnny, why do you look SO
down-hearted ?" "Coz l haven't got
no luck. Jim Woodhead was the
last in the class, an l worked my
self up to the last but one, an now
Jimmys died to-day, an L am the
last again. Boo-hoo !"
Two freshmen were in prison-one
for stealing a COW, and the other tor
stealing watch. "Hullo Mike, and
shure what o'clock is it?n said the
COW stealer can shure," said the
watch thief, .1've no time piece
handy, but s'pose, it's just about
milking lime '----l--..--.----...,...... -.
Result Of Tanners experiment.
Tramp: "Would you please give me
something to eat, ma'am ? Haven't
had a mouthful for fourteen days"
Cook: "No, get out of here; it's
only been fortnight since 1 gave
you slice of bread, and here you
are pretending to be hungry already"
"I'll teach you to lie, and steal,
and smoke and use protane language"
said an irate Galveston parent to his
eldest offspring, at the same time
swinging a good sized sapling, "pIl
teach you, You young scamp" "Ne-
yer mind, father, | know all them
branches already" Galveston Nescs.
A genuine incident: DR.. L. cal
led upon lady acquaintance the
other day and was met at the door
by the lady's little girl. He asked
her to tell her mamma that DIR. L.
had called. The child went up stairs
and presently returned. did you
tell your mamma 2" asked the doc.
tor. eyes" "And what did she
say ?" She said, Oh pshaw !"
When young lady tripped into
music store the other day and asked
the bashful clerk in attendance for
1.-TWO Kisses" he jammed on his hat
and rushed out OF the back door.
The clerk, never having heard of the
piece Of music, thought he was the
victim of Leap. Y ear proposal, and
his salary was not large enough to
support two.
AT seven o'clock in the morning
two duelists, who are to fight to
death at a place in the suburbs,
meet at the ticket office of railroad
station. "Gimme return ticket as
usual" says the first duelist to the
clerk, in a terrible tone and with a
teroclous twist of his moustache. 81
i say, do you always buy return
tickets ?" stammers his opponent.
always" "Then l apologize"
An Irishman entered the Newark
Ad0ertiScr office, and asked the clerk
to write an advertisement for him.
II lost me dog" he said. He gave
a general description Of the animal.
what name does he answer to ?"
Och, thin, dye think it's parrot l
lost, that I'd hould a conversation
wild him?" "But, what do you say