Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-06-01
SIPTIEGS.

Said sklnnint feople pretend that
] never part with cent, who pay Sc, 900
in taxes"
1t took Peter Cooper eighty-eight years
! to get tired of politics It is never too
late to mend.
Chinese soldiers get cents day If
they were sent to Cologne they would get
more than that.
A little girl being asked by her grand
father where cotton grew, replied ''In
old gentlemen's ears"
The peach crop viii be failure this
year, as usual, but the speech crop will be
plentiful. That never fails.
A young man by the name of Neck was
recently married to Miss Heels; they
are now, therefore, tied neck and heels to.
gether.
"How long should girls be courted p
asks paper. =" Not later than o'clock
in the morning, we think, except when it
rains"
"Shall hereafter darn your stockings ?"
is said to be the fashionable language for
young lady to use when making leap
year proposal.
a poor woman who had been supplied
with bad tea by the grocer, said it was just
as the Scripture said "To the poor all
things are poor.
Punch has charade for costermon-
gers. My first is unfathomable, my Sec
ond is odoriferous and my whole is pee-
pie of Africa Abyssinians.
A young lady being asked by boring
theologian which party in the church she
was most in favor of, she replied that she
preferred wedding party.
This being leap,ycar, any wife is privi-
legged to go down town after 10 o'clock and
hunt up her husband and read him lect-
ure on larks and other birds.
The young people of both sexes have for
several years been singing about how faith
full the old dog Tray was. If he was such
faithful dog how could he be Tray?
A master said to his servant: "You are
fool, my friend" Pardon, slr," said
the servant, " am your friend because l
am fool, or fool because l am your
friend 2"
If boards denote high degree of civil
ization, as has been asserted, what maya
zine of culture billy goat must be. He,
if anybody, has a right to say, But me
no bnts.
In the church of st. German d'Auxer-
rois, opposite the Louvre, near the basin
of holy water, may be seen this printed
notice to worshipers: Remember that
this is the house CT God. Do not spit
here; spit in your ocket-handkerchief"
1t has been remarked that "The climax
of human indifference has arrived when
woman doesn't care how she looks;" but
this, the Philadelphia transcript says, is q
mistake, for the climax is reached only
when she doesn't care how other people
look.
One of the most difficult things is to
keep silence when we ought not to speak
John Adams, on a certain occasion, locking
at Thomas Jefferson's- portrait, remarked
'sThere's man who knew how to hold
his tongue what I, IA cid fool, never
could do"
Madame de Tenchin, with the gentlest
manners, had heart full of malice. One
day somebody was praising her sweetness.
"Yes," said the Able Trublet, "if she had
an interest in your death she would choose
the sweetest poison with which to poison
you"
Mamma seeks to console her crying
child 60 Why do ycu cry, John? What
has hurt you . Mamma land he bawls
more Justify than everl, ye .terday fell
down and hurt myself" Yesterday
then why do you cry to-day? p oh be-
cause you were not at home yesterday.
1t is recorded of tie Bishop of Exeter
that when some younger and more excit-
able prelate wished that there were preach
ers in the Church of England as eloquent
as Spurgeon, he dryly said, Thou shat
not covet thy neighbor's ass." Ii episec-
pal development continues, there will be
no need for such covetousness.
Tell me, Dennis, what is Socialism :"
g Listen. This is Socialism. You end
go into a beer sLop. You offer to stand
treat and you pay for it then Offer t.
stand treat and you again pay for ~.
s. Yes, but what if ! am Socialist. too !!
- Then the beer-seller must pay. 3" But
suppose he is a Soc,asist alsof" g fhen
we'll clear out.