The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-02-13
VARIETIES.

They were twins. The parents christen-
| ed one Kate, and the other Duplicate.
The boy who was kept after school for
bad photography said he was spell-bound
When man calls his wife's maid an
angel it is time for the wife to make her fly.
The old woman who kissed her cow was
no more dizzy than her daughter who kissed
a regular calf.
-"Why, Bridget didn't the fall iniure
your" Bridget" Sure, mum, the fall didn't
hurt me, but | kind o Jared meself mum,
when l it,"
There is a Spanish proverb which says :
When you choose wife shut your eyes and
| commend your soul to God" In other words,
go it blind.
do you like novels?" said Miss Ian
qush to her up-country lover. al can't say"
answered he, for l never ate any, but tell
you what | am tremendous at young pos
sum-"
"A dealer in musical Instruments in one
OF his advertisements, declares that drums,
among other articles ne nus for safe, can't
be beat" Will he be kind enough to tell us
what they are good for, then?
Sir Walter Scott tells story of gentle
man who, irritated at some misconduct of his
servant said: "Either you or must quit the
house" Vera weel, sir" said John, "where
Will your honor be ganging tull ?"
An eccentric old fellow, who lives along
side of graveyard, was asked if it was not
an unpleasant location. "No," said he az
never jined places in my life with a set of
neighbors that minded their own business so
stiddy as they do"
An Englishman, travelling in Ireland rc
marked to the driver of coach upon the
tremendous length of the Irish miles, "Con-
found your Irish miles Why, there's no end
to themI "Sure, SIR said the coachman
1.-THE roads are bad about here, and so we give
good measure"
=" Your handwriting is very bad indeed"
said gentleman to friend more addicted to
boating than to study; "you really ought to
learn to write better" aye, aver replied
the young man; " it is all very well for YOU
to tell me that, but if were to write better
people would find out how could SPELL"
Country practitioner, Surprised at the
visit of notorious quack and pill-vender,)-
Well, what brings you here?" Quack, levi
IDENTIFY suffering from disturbed peristaltic ac-
ton. y" Well, sir, the fact is, l feel rather
queer, and" Country practitioner-"The
why don't you take one of your pearls of
health z" Quack-" That's just it, sir!
think I've swallowed one-by mistake p
Punch
AT performance Of the cantata of "Es
ther' at Dallas, Texas, Ahasuerus was advis.
ed by somebody in the audience not to "cut
it too fat" The personator of the great As
syrian went to the footlights and said: "This
is a religious show, and you'll have to be de-
cent. I'm Ahasuerus just now, but after the
show I'm Sam Turner; and if any dutIer
would like to cut it fat then I'll give him
mighty lively welcome"
democrats are the exception instead of
the rule in Vermont, and it is unusual to see
more than two or three gathered together.
Widow - has buried three husbands, all
prominent Democrats. At the funeral of the
last, many of the "unterrified" were in attend
ance, and as they were leaving the house n
gentleman remarked, in an under-tone "This
looks like Democratic State convention."-
The widow is soon to marry fourth husband
who is also a noted Democrat and as the
matter was being discussed recently Jim -,
who is one of the true blues" said: "Boys,
this thing Is getting serious at this rate the
widow will, in few years, ruin the Demo-
cratic party of Rutland county" .-Harper's
Magazine.