The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1880-07-10
WHIES: MISE HIND WITTY.

The man who exploded with laugh
ter probably didn't know it was loaded.
Why is Zulu belle like a prophet Of
old? Because she has not much on 'er in
her own country.
A Vermont man told the truth i'll a
horse trade, and his ncighbors now re-
fuse to associate with him.
When a boy is born in Ohio now the
parents select name which will sound
well on the presidential ticket.
Trout will bite sharply at piece of
onion, but no other fish will associate
with them for week afterward.
The difference between sailor and
a pugilist is, that one is dashed to the
mast and the mashed to the last, or ought
to be.
1t is reported that an able statesman
who built house out of his poker win
nings said that his residence was built
on bluff.
This is the season when the young
man pays the barber for making his head
look like billiard ball covered with
peach fuzz.
-Bald-headed men may be interested
in knowing that the common house fly
when alarmed fies nearly thirty-iivc feet
in second of time.
The Detroit Free Press says Atlanta
has turned out to welcome her first China
man. That is, twelve colored wash
women run him mile and a half.
A Philadelphia census taker says he
is surprised at the large number of full
grown idiots he found. Every sour-yis-
aged woman he met said her husband was
all idiot.
1t is remarkable how generous fish
ermen are. When you meet a man who
has returned from fishing trip he al
ways tells you that he gave shis share to
the other fellows.
Nature evidently intended that
women should look prctticr after mar
riage than before. There are plenty Of
freckle-faced girls, but freckle-faccd mar
ried women are rare.
A person born in this year cannot
vote in the nineteenth century.-Er. If
he is born with black skin and stays in
the South he can be thankful if he is
ever allowed to vote at all.
1t does not do to fool with Lcadville
man when he is reading his Bible. An
experimentalist in that direction, u short
time ago, was thrown down precipice
as reward for his temerity.
The reason some men get along SO
slowly in this world is because they spend
two-thirls of their time talking about
what they are going to do and during the
other third they have to sleep.
"A Philadelphia woman who gave her
age ten years younger than she really is,
explained to friend that she was over
looked at the last census and did not
want to get the records mixed up.
Mr.. Nelson, New York milk dealer
tied his cows to a tree with pieces of old
telegraph wire. A thunderstorm came
up, and the force of habit was so strong
in the wire that the cows We're dispatch
ed.
An Isle of Jersey lady was lately
sent to prison for month for persistent
ly blowing her nose close to the pulpit
in order to worry the parson. The good
man said 1t was the severest blow he ever
experienced.
An English physician having careful
ly noted the effects of oatmeal on the
human system, declares that it makes
people cross, stingy, jealous and sour
tempered. What an awful lot of it some
folks must eat.
Any one who kills turkey buzzard
or carrien crow in Tennessee is liable to
be indicted and fined. They are very
useful in Kidding the State of the remains
Of revenue officers killed by illict distil-
ers.