Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-10-06
FUNNYGRAPHS.

HOLDS It's sown-good land.
DEAD 1ssues-old newspapers. -Steu-
benUille Herald.
HE maggot in the chestnut begins to
contemplate his coming roasting with
feelings of deep concern.
It's only a spring opening, ma ex-
planned that awful boy, as he exhibited
his torn trousers after leap over the
fence.
"HAvE you been on bust lately ?''
said the shoulder brace to the corset
K0kOn1o Tribune. "That's no bodice
business but my own," replied the cor
set.
AFTER the choir of one of the churches
in Ithaca had performed rather heavy
selection the minister opened the bible
and began reading in Acts Xxx, "And
after the uproar had ceased"
A GERMAN life insurance company.
called Der MISUNDERSTANDING
schaft, complains of the irregularity of
the mails Yet one would suppose it
got all Of it's letters.-AndreaUs' queen.
1.-THE difference" said the cook, "be-
tween a child of royal birth and young
lamb is that the first is tended in splen-
dor and the other is splendid n ten
der"
To drain lands-Drink whisky and
spend al of your time at village saloon.
This recipe will surely drain you of all
your lands in very short while-So,ai-
ta1iNms.
1T is lucky Ouray died two or three
hundred miles outside the borders of
civilization. There is some chance that
his last will and testament will escape
contest Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"CLEAR out of here" yelled an exas-
perated saloon-keeper to a dead-beat,
'tyou know you amt tolerate / in any
decent saloon; that's why you are always
proving about here"
A GALVESTON school-teacher had
great deal of trouble making a boy un-
derstand his lesson. Finally, however,
he succeeded, and drawing long breath,
remarked to the boy: eff it wasn't for
me, you would he the biggest donkey
on Galveston island.-G0tUeston NeaOs.
WHAT sort of tugboats do they have on
lake Michigan when the captain can be
blown a hundred feet by an explosion
and never even have his necktie crum-
pied ?-Detroit Free Press. Probably
he didn't have any necktie.-BOStOn
Post.
That was crushing retorta Galveston
street-car driver gave an unripe youth of
II, who was smoking a big cigar: You
must not smoke in this car" I'D like
to know why not" because there is
no wash basin on board. "-GalUeston
NeaOs.
A KENTUCKY girl says when she dies
she desires to have tobacco planted over
her grave, as the weed, nourished by her
body, may be chewed by her bereaved
lover.-Erch0aege Poor girl? Who
can she expect to back 'er In this queer
conceit ?-BostnqaJ Journal of Commerce.
FRENCH wit: A tramp woke up sud-
denly with cold sweat standing in great
beads upon his forehead. sOh, my
God! my Godi" "What's the matter?''
asks his companion. ga frightfr1
dream dreamt I was at workl'' "I
told you that last mince pie would give
you horrid nightmare.
The woman of the house is in sad
fix. A big fruit yield and presidential
election come together. There is any
quantity of stuff to do up, but the man,
who should peel and pit, is off carrying
a torch, or shouting himself hoarse, and,
in consequence, there will be a dearth of
sweets this ter-Dan6aYy NeaUs.
GAUL AND ALBION. : Tom = ASK
them to come and play cricket with us,
Efie." Efie-'' Voulezvous vents jouer
cricket avec nous 2" Alphonse-.' No,
sank you, mees. Ny parents say it is
no genteel for so leetle meeses to play re
cricket. We viii play re skippinrope if
you viii, or re shuttledore and re battle
cock"
ASCoTH country minister had been in
vited, with his wife, to dine and spend
the night at the house of one of his
lairds. Their host was very proud of
one of these very large beds which had
just come into fashion, and, and In the
morning asked the lady how she had
slept in it. go, very weel, sir; but, in
deed, 1 thought I'd lost the minister
a'thegither"
The seaside is very pleasant in the
year. The charming young damsel
doesn't stir up the sand with the point
of her parasol, and the young "gent"
with white flannel suit and eyeglasses is
missing, to be sure, but the indigenous
clam digger and fisherman is there, and
it is pleasure to sit on the bottom of a
boat, and listen to his sea stories and try
to believe them.-Nea0 Haven Register.
The late Judge W, on visit to
Niagara, when the car was in use on the
inclined plane, raised and lowered by
steam power, went into the starting
house to witness the descent, too timid to
go himself. After the car started, fully
impressed with the danger, he turned to
the man in charge, and said: "Sup-
pose, sir, the rope should break" The
man, with serious countenanee, and
single eye ON business, replied: "Oh,.
they all paid before they went down,