The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-10-12
Mr.. Vanderstopper.
He Tries to Tell His Wife What Hap
pened.

Mr.. Vanderstopper came home to supper the
other evening an hour later than usual, which
was an event without precedent in his mar
ried life. Lr iA17a
He carried his left hand uueasily in his coat
pocket and wore his eye in sling which gave
his face peculiarly melancholy aspect, which
was still further heightened by the appearance
of his ear, it being done up in splints.
As he entered the room his wife commenced
with: ag
''Whats the reason you did-why, dear me.
What's the matter John? What ails your
face? What's the matter? Tell me, quick
vanderstopper regarded his wife in silence
as she poured him full of more questions than
he knew answers to, and tried to reply with
an air of unconcerned indifference. / guess
you can see about all that's the matter with me-
don't look like dead man, do I?''
''No; but my goodness! where have you
been? Do tell me what's the matter. John
vanderstopper, you shan't have bite to eat
till you do
"Well-let up minute, can't you? I'm
kinder broke up; that's ALL" And John es-
saved to break into the dining room.
"oh, John! Can it be? Oh, John 1 told
YOU not to try any of those awful speculations.
1 k,seoo you'd lose all we"
"Aw-Munder," thundered John, II amt
strapped. What you givin' us? Some of us
had little iamboree and tried to mug kid
that carried too many guns for me, and got
kind O. left. That's all You needn't 60 to
weepin' over any broken fortunes" And
John looked with look of ineffable pity upon
the partner of his BOSOM
II don't understand you quite, john. Amt
we ruined?'
'Rtined?" Nav, of course not. / know
one man I'd like to ruin if 1 could. | tried it
mighty hard, anyhow" and John seemed lost
in recollection of some thrilling event of the
past.
"But you said you was all broke up" per-
sisted tEe.woman; didn't you?"
"Aw-well-I suppose | may as well tell you
all about it. jackson and the old man Hack
lemeir and was irwin to make trade In
some wood down on the line. We went down
to look at it. and while we was lookin' at it
Jackson pulled out bottle and says"
"a ,chdt'" chimed Mrs. V:
"A bottle, and he says, Van, take a pull
with u.s. and we'll agree better /"
"Well o. course couldn't refuse, so got
onto some of it. and--"
Got onto it?" said his wife.
"Well-drdnk some. then. And We all had
some and then she came round again."
"Who's she2 said Mrs. v, manifest ng a live
ly interest.
twas empty. Well, then l begun to look
around little, and says to Hacklemeir.
Hack, this woods tco wet to burn. and the
old fool bazed right mp and says, You lie. by
Jo' and it made me- hotter'n blazes jumped
onto him, and"
.aOh John, yon didn't jump on him, did
Won? You might have killed him.
.'wish to thunder had, No, didn't Jump
on him. gave him one in the wind"
why. john there hasn't been bit of wind
"Oi, ,ceV, 1 hit him in the breast, then; and
he doubled mp on me and was going TO mash
me, when ] gave him maui on his jaw
bone"
"Oh, Johnl I'm afraid you've hurt"
Hurt the dickens! hit him with my fst
Can't you understand English? And then
they both come onto me. ! sent jackson to
grass the first round, and pasted old Hacks
buele with whole fstfull---
"What was he doing with horn%' queried
his wife
"ITorn, Great Jerusalem, | mashed his
smeHer. Well then got tin ear from one
of 'em and then they commenced TO punch
me- Inst when was getting in my work"
"Work?" and Mrs. V. IS face was double
barreled interrogation point.
"Yes work." roared Vanderstopper.
"Work, of course. Can't you ask something
elseo was just getting in my work when one
of the cops hove in
'sMr. Copp, from North Hill?'' interrogated
Mrs. V. with degree Of curiosity that con-
Guered her fears.
"Mr. Copp, from Guinea!'' beloved her
husband. ''I'll be doggoned to bazes If | ever
seen such doggoned quiziquister as you. By
the great horn spoon, il ! ever tell you dog
goned thing thout the fight, may Il"
ooh, John, you didn't have fight, did
you?"
Poor John. The man who sat mp with him
last night says there is no hope for him, and
it's a gone case But such is life