The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-05-24

While Colonel Bangs, editor of the Argus
was sitting in his office one day a man whose
brow was clothed with thunder entered
Fiercely seizing chair, he slammed his hat
OH the table, hurled his umbrella on the floor
and sat down.
eyes"
"Can you read writing?''
"Of course
"Read that, then" thrusting at the colonel
an envelope with an inscription upon it.
E" said the colonel, trying TO spell it.
That's not b. It an S" said the man.
IS; . yes, l see! Well, the words look little
like Salt for dinner or Souls of Sinners" "
said the Colonel
mo, sir" replied the man, nothing of the
kind! That's my name-Samuel III. Brun-
ner. l knew you couldn't read. I called to
see you about that poem of mine you printed
the other day on the 'Surcease of Sorrow" "
II don't remember it," said the colonel.
"Of course you DON'T because it went into
the paper under the infamous title of Smear
case Tomorrow.
ga stupid blunder of the compositor, 1 sup
pose"
"Yes, sir, and that's what / want 70 see you
about: The way in which that poem was mu-
tilated was simply scandalous. / haven't slept
night since. 1t exposed me to derision. Peo-
pie think me an ass. Let me show YOU"
go ahead" said the colonel.
"The first line, when l wrote it, read in this
way:
Lying by weeping willow, underneath a gentle
slope
That is beautiful, poetic, affecting Now how
did your vile sheet present it to the public?
There it is! Look at thatl Made it read this
way:
Lying to weeping widow to induce her to elope.
Weeping gidoao, mind you! A widowl o
thunder and lightning This is too much, It's
enough to drive man crazyr'
II m sorry" said the colonel, "but-''
"But look.a-here at the fourth versel" said
the poet. That's worse yet. What L said
was
Cast thy pearls before the swine and lose them In
the Dirt
wrote that out clearly and distinctly in a
plain round hand. Now what does your COM
poSitor do? Does he catch the sense of that
beautiful sentiment? Does it sink into his
soul? No, sir! He sets it up in this fashion.
Listen
Cart thy pills before the SUNRISE and love them if
they hurt
Now, isn't that cold-blooded outrage on
mans feelings? I'll leave it to you if it isn't"
"Its hard. That's a fact" said the colonel.
"And then take the fifth verse. In the orig
inal manuscript it said, plain as daylight
Take away the jngling money, it is only glttering
dross.'
A man with only one eye and a cataract over
that, could have read the words correctly But
he did? He made it read
Take away thy gibbering monkeys ON sorely glan-
dered hoss.'
By George, felt like Draining him with a fire.
shovel! L was never so cut up inmy lifei'
sit was natural, too" said the colonel
There, for instance, was the sixth verse. l
wrote
i am weary of the tossing of the as it heaves
1t is lovely line, too; but imagine my horror
and the anguish of my family when L opened
your paper and saw the line transformed into
4 am wearing outlmy trousers till they're open at
the knees
That is little too much That seems to me
like carrying the thing an inch or two too far
think have constitutional right to murder
that compositor: don't you?'
II think you have"
LET me read you one more verse. wrote
Il swell the flying echoes as they roam among the
And feel my soul awakening to the ecstacy that
thrills
Now, what 90 you s'pose your miserable out
cast turned that into? Why, into this:
i smell the frying shoes as they coast along the
And peel my sole mistaken in the erctary that
whirls.'
Gibberish, sir Awful gibberishl 1 must say
that man. Where is he?''
HE is out, just now," said the colonel.
"Come in tomorrow"
81 will said the poet; "and 1 will be
armed"
Then he put on his hat, shouldered his UNI
brella, and drifted off down stairs.