The Portland daily press., 1880-07-23
One of the "Jiners.
Experience Of Woman Whose Husband
Took Orders.
Journey Modern Argo.

[Quncy Modern Argo.l
She was about forty years DID, wei
dressed, had black hair, rather thin and tinged
with gray, and eyes in which cleaned the fires
of a determination not easily balked. She
| walked into Major Huse's Office in Patterns
Block, and requested private interview, and
having obtained it and satisfied herself that the
law students were not listening at the keyhole,
said slowly, solemnly and impressively:
| 81 want divorce"
"What for? L suppose you had one of the
| best of husbands" said the Major.
Il s'pose that's what everybody thinks; but
| if they knew what I've suffered in ten years
| they'd wonder / hadn't scalded him long ago.
L ought to, but for the sake of the young ones
| I've borne it and said nothing about it. I've
| told him, though, what he might depend on,
| and now the times come. l won't stand it,
young ones or no young ones; I'll have di-
vorce, and if the neighbors want to blab them
selves hoarse about it they can, for 1 won't
stand it another day."
"But what's the matter? Don't your hus-
band provide for you? Don't he treat you kind
ly?" pursued the lawyer.
'We gte victuals enough, and don't know
| but he's as true and kind as men in general,
| and he's never knocked none of US down. 1
wish he had, then I'd get him into jail and
know where he was nights" retorted the wo-
man.
"Then what's your complaint against him?'
"Well, if you must know, he's one of them
plaguey iiners.'
ga WHAT"
ga iiner-one of them pesl1y fools that's
| always jining something. There can't nothing
| come along that's dark and sly and hidden,
| but he'll iine it. If anybody should get up a
| society to burn his house down, he'd jine it
| just as soon as he could get in; and if he had
| to pay for it he'd iine it all the suddener. We
| hadn't been married more'n two months be-
| fore he iined the Know Nothin's We lived
on farm then, and every Saturday night he'd
come term in before supper, grab fist full Of
nut cakes, and go off gnawin' 'em, and that's
| the last I'd see of him till morning. And
every other night he'd roll and tumble in his
bed and holler in his sleep: Put none but
| Americans on guard-George Washington
| and rainy days he would go out in the corn
| barn and jab at picture of the Pope with an
old bagnet that was there. ought to put my
| foot down then, but he fooled me so with his
Yankee girls marry Irishmen, and to eat up
! all the babies that warn't born with a cross on
| their foreheads, that lett him go on and en-
couraged him in it.
f'Then he jinedithe Masons. P'raps you know
what them be, but L don't 'cept they think
| they are the same kind of critters that built
| Solomon's Temple and took care OF his concu-
bines; and of all the darned nonsense and CAB
about worshipful masters and square and COM
passes and such like that we had in that house
| for the next six months, you never see the
| beat. And he's never outgrowed it nuther.
What do you think of a man, Squire, that'n
| dress hisself in white bib bout big enough
| for a monkeys bib, and go marching up and
| down, and making motions, and talking
| foolish lingo at picture of George Washing
ton toni in green n Jacket and truss on his sto
| Sam, and I've stood it as long as I'm agoin to.
The next lunge the old fool made was into
| the Odd Fellows. l made 1t warm for HIM
| when he came home and told me he'd jined
| them, but he kinder pacitied me by telling me
| they had sort of branch show that took in
| women and he d get me in as soon as he found
| out how to do it. Well, one night he came
home and said I'd been proposed, and some
| body had blackballed me. Dio 1t hisself Iof
| course. Didn't want me around knowing to
his goings on. OF course he didn't, and told
him so
.sThen he iined the Sons of Matter. Didn't
| say nothing to me about it, but sneaked off one
night, pretendin' he'd got to set up with sick
| he came home lookin' like man that had
been through the thrashing machine, and
| wouldn't do thing for him till he owned up.
| And so its gone from bad to wus, and from
| wus to wusser, iining this and That and other,
| till he's Worship Minister of the Masons, and
| Goddess of Hope of the Odd Fellows, and
| Sword Swallower of the Finnegans. and Vir-
| gin Cerus of the Grange, and Grand Mogul OF
the Sons of Incidence, and Two Edged Toma-
| hawk of the United Order of Black Men, ami
| Talebearer of the Merciful Manikins, and
| Skipper of the Guild Caratrine Columbus, and
| Big Wizard of the Arabian Knights, and
| Pledge Passer of the Reform Club, and Chief
| Bulger of the Irish Mechanics, and Purse
| Keeper of the Order of the Canadian Con-
| scious, and Double Barreled Dictator OF the
| Brass lCircles and Standard Bearer of the
/ Royal Archangels, and Sublime Porte of
| Onion League, and Chambermald OF the Ceies-
| tial Cherubs, and Puissant Potentate OF the
| Petrifed Pig Stickers, and the Lord only
| knows what else. I've borne it and borne it,
| hopin' he'd get 'em all jined after while, but
| faint no use, and when he'd got into new
one and been made Grand Guide of the
! knights of Horror, told him I'd quit, and
| will"
Here the Major interrupted, saying:
''Well, your husband is pretty we'll initiated,
| that's fact; but the court will hardly call
| that good cause for divorce. The most of
| those societies you mention are composed OF
| honorable men and have excellent regulations.
| Many of them, though called lodges, are relief
|
| which, if your husband should die would take
| care of you and not see you suffer If you were
| sick"
''See me suffer when I'm sickl Take care
| of me when he's dead! Well, guess not;
| can take care of myself when he's dead, and If
| can't can get another. There's plenty Of EN-.
| And they needn't bother themselves when I'm
] sick, either. Ii / want to he sick and suffer,
| it's none of their business especially after all
| the suffering I've had when amt sick be-
cause of their carryin's on. And you needn't
| try to make me believe it's all right, either: L
| know what it is to live with man that 1ines
| so MANY lodges that he don't never lodge at
| home, and signs his name, yours truly, sam
| Smith, NJ. NJ, L. o. o: F., X. o. B., X. OF p,
| p. of H. r. A. H, l. /. p, X. OF ", n. e.,
| e l., II. E. r., r. L. P, X. Y. H., &c."
| "Oh, that's harmless amusement remarked
| Mr.. Huse. =,
| She looked at him square in the eye and said:
| 81 believe you are iiner yourself"
| He admitted that he was to certain extent,
| and she arose and said: II wouldn't have
thought it of you. A man like you, chairman
| of a Sabbath school and superintendent OF the
| Republicans! It's enough to make woman
| take pison. But 1 don't want anything OF you.
| l want lawyer that don't belong to nothing
| nor nobody" And she bolted out of the office
| and INQUIRED where Captain Patten kept
| Good .otfQr