Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1880-01-01

the other day and found himself and
his wife poking carefully among lot
of flowers In tho front garden.
"Hullo, Jones'" said he, "what Is the
matteri"
"Lost valuable key around here,
that Ia ALL" returned the gentleman.
"Are you sure 1t was just here"
asked Mrs. Jones at this point.
"Sure as gum" replied her spouse,
going into the house with his visitor,
leaving his wife bent double continuing
the search.
The man who called paid Mr.. Jones
some money. and afterwards they sat
In the porch smoking q pipe OF peace.
Meantime. Mrs. Jones was assidnously
looking tor the lost key. Half an hour
elapsed and Smith rose to 60.
s'Giys us match" he asked, stand
ing up.
"Certainly," said Jones, diving into
his vest pocket.
Just as he was pulling ont the luci-
fer, his finger ran against something
else. He jerked it out and OF course It
was the lost key. He handed the match
to Smith, turned pale, but in his sweet
est and conciliatory tones, called out to
his industrious wife:
~ have 1t, my dear" he said: VT
has been in my pocket all the time"
with q nervous laugh.
The way that Mrs. Jones repeated,
"You have, have your as she saun-
tered into the house, was enough for
Smith; no saw what was coming, and,
des pite his friends earnest entreaties,
departed.
The result Ia not definiately known,
bat 1t was remarked that Jones were
several squares OF court plaster next
day, v hich he accounted for saying
he had been "ixing up q hen coop, ="
and hs was heard emphatically to de.
clare that nothing under heaven would
prevent him wearing all his keys on Q
ring, II he had to carry them around
his neck for the balance OF his natural
existence.
Talking about warm hair, q lady In
Milwaukee whose hair very nearly
matches the brick in the Wisconsin
buildings, and who has been joked
about her red hair until she goes
around and shoots the last few thou
sand who make ancient remarks about
it, says she heard o new thing on red
hair the other day. A friend from the
east said to her, "Mrs.--, rather
like that SkeEeatales hair OF yours. "
She didn't like to ask any questions,
but finally curiosity got the best OF
her, and she inquired, swell what in
the name OF the IL apostles Is Skenea.
tales halri" "oh," says he, as he
got on the other side Of the table, and
held his elbow up over his head 80 the
press board wouldn't hurt, "Skenea-
tales Is about A. miles beyond Auburn.
He IL now carried in sling, aud his
friends had to get pass from the ma
iron of the hospital to see him.
A GOOD STORY OF JUDGE CLEARY, OF Ky.
Some years ago had case to argue
before the eccentric Judge Cleary, OF
Kentucky. While waiting for my case
to come up. listened to tie trial Of a
brawny rufian who was accused Of
stealing Two mules. He had been
caught riding one and leasing the
other, aud though both animals bore
the real owners brands, he swore that
they had been foaled on his farm aud
raised by him. Every point of evidence
was against him, but he swore he Was
innocent with enough oaths to scare an
overland and tramster. The jury rem
dered q verdict OF guilty without
leaving their seats. Judge Cleary asked
him:
"Have you anything to say why
Judgment should not be pronounced on
you 7"
"Yes, have I"
"What is it 7"
81 am innocent, and | hope God may
strike me dead If am not ~
The Judge paused moment. Then
he sa d, quietly
GAS the Almighty has not seen pro-
per to comply with your request, the
sentence of this court is" and he went
on to pronounce 1T.
1t ia related of Mr.. John Jacob Astor
that in his palmiest days a man called
upon him, armed with revolver.
~ am a French Communist" said
he; 81 believe in distribution of pro-
perty, and want some of your money
or Your life. | believe money should
be equally divided"
$50 do l." said Mr.. Aston.
""You are said to be- worth ten mil,
lion dollars" said the man.
"Well, suppose that is about the
sum-" said Mr.. Astqr. "Nsw. how
many people are there in the United
States p
"About ten millions, l believe" said
the Communist.
"Now, how much would that be
each !? About one dollar 7" asked Mr..
AstOr.
"Yes, about" said the Communist.
"There's your dollar" said Astor,
laying down bill.
FIVE CENTS FOR A wIPE.-John Bonn
bic, fdgety, short, dark-haired Ger
man, shuddered as he confronted his
wife Lena at the bar of the Jefferson
market police court, New-York. Lena
had black eye and determination to
send John to state prison. John was
silent and sad.
"He plack my eye, Chudge, und uf
don'd Gull der bolice vas purdy soon
der window oud." said Lena after kiss
ing the bible.
"D0ts not 30. She's not mine wife,"
said John.
"Vot! Mein Got, yust look vot he
says Chudge.'
| uNain. Chndga. | solt dot yoman two