The Osceola times., 1880-07-17
CREAM OF THE MAILS.

CREAM OF THE MAILS.
Nuggets OF wit and Wisdom From On,
Exchanges.
BIYGRN on THE RHINE.
A legion ofold Tom cats had been gathered
There was lack Of ,woman's nursing. but a sur.
felt Of tin pals;
And an angry ,,l slesplsss ,s. boarder, WON with
Took a firm, strong hand in ending one or mors
Of those cat fights
The noisy pals adjusted with cautious. Careful
He led those ,ombrs felines to a thoroughh,a
hard by,
And tising them together with trusty hunk Of
Ne started them for Bingen, old Bingen On tho
Rhine.
GONE INTO TRAINING.
Lotta is TO be married, it is said AMI
has gone into training for the ceremony
She thinks that with a few months'
practice she can walk from the vestibnla
to the chancel without kicking more
than five times.-Phiiadelphia Ners.
wEAT FLASHED UPON HIM.
81 am an independent voter, and
can't support YOU until | have seen
your platform" she said as he finished
proposing. A couple hours later it
dawned upon the young mans, mind
that she wanted to know the amount Of
his salary.-PhiLadeiphid Chronicle.
HOW TO IRRIGATE,
The Semi-Tropic California; asks.
"How shall we irrigate?" There are va,-
-, In
Some walk up to the bar and take theirs
straight, others take it home in jug
and irrIgate "on the sly" The sub
iect is one concerning which great minds
dhfler.-Kansds CNv Times.
Dorm TO BAD LUCI.
Some men are born to bad luck. A
New Hampshire man went through
three years of the war and wasn't even
scratched or sick day, while his next
neighbor got wound in the only battle
he was in that entities him TO big pen
sion, while the first poor fellow has to
work for living.-Boston Post.
THEIR RELATIVE MERITS.
Two children were engaged in dis
pute as to the relative merits of their
respective fathers. Finally one of them
said in tone OF triumph: We'll, my
papa is the bravest, anyway; he listed
in the war" "liuh, that's nothin'," was
the disdainful rejoinder; my papa
listed three times in one year, aud got
q bounty every time. ."-Rome Se,tmei.
RIVALS IN SOCIAL SUCCESS.
Scene-Staircasc Of Ducal mansion
The Duchess at home. Small and
early" Mrs. Jone, "a new beauty, with
more surprise than pleasure )-"Well |
ne; er Mr.. and Mrs. Robinson, of all
people, And how came you here?"
Mrs. Robinson Ia still newer beauty
I'VE drove, dear Mrs. Jones. You don't
mean to say you came on toot!"-PuHch.
IT'S FUNNY.
Two Young men in light plaid clothes
were riding down town on the Metro.
politan Il" road, reading their papers,
when one of them saw an item about a
robbery in Il boarding house. in which it
was said that the perpetrators of the
crime took the iewelry of the landiady
and OF three boarders. 1T is funny,
| Billy" said the reader, that they
| always get away with the jewelry in a
boarding house. They never steal any
thing to eat.-Neg York Herdld.
| AN ENGLISH OPINION.
Editorial remarks of the London
Times on the Chicago nomination.: "The
Republican, or Locofoco party in the
United States, have nominated Chester
A. Garforth, Esqre., Of Ohio, Illinois, as
their candidate for the presidency, to
replace Mr. Rutherford Il. Iiawes, who
has been inpeachcd for habitual inebri'
ETY.. This nomination is conceded to be
a severe blow to the prospects of the
Whig, or Democratic party, who now
hold the administration of affairs, and
who are under the leadership Of Mr.. "
q. Tiden, the Governor of Carmercy
territory, which lies at the confluence oI
the Swanee and Salt rs."-hick.