Middletown transcript., 1880-03-13
CHIPS.

The boys have all had something 10 say
about ''home without MOTHER" and what
tits; but we believe that no one has yet re-
marked that it is poor place FOR a man to
get his stockings darned.
An English writer says that the American
pie is frank poison" Very likely, but en-
tifely too slow in its operation 10 kill a tramp
in any reasonable length Of time You might
as well try to destroy him with corn whiskey.
We read great deal, nowadays, about
"fsh cultivation, and "6sh propagation"
and ''piscatorial improvement" ttc, but it
is all nonsense to throw money away on this
thing unless FISH can be Irought up with II
few thousand less bones in their anatomy.
That was hinty hearted man 10 Pennsyl-
Vania who wrote thus to the manufacturer of
the Fifteen" puzzle: Dear Sr,-My wife
has not spoken for three days nd my mother
in-law has taken the puzzle with her to The
asylum. Please send me another by return
mail"
II is an easy matter TO distinguish the
brand new reporter fiom the old hand,
because he is always fitted up with new
tangled note book, pen case and pocket
inkstand, while the "old had" usually car
ries few sheets Of wrapping paper and two
inches of lead pencil borrowed from the city
editor
The person who retires with The sun mnst
have warm bed-felow Rochester Express.
Proposals are in order, girls. Remember
no bachelor should be without won-Y Yonk-
ers Statesman
It is not difficult to take the part Of an abb
sent one, especially at a feast.-Haekensack
Republican.
In confessing your faults and pucking a
goose always make a clean breast of it,
Hacksnsack republican.
Jones calls his wife Nihilst because she
is always so anxious and willing to blow him
up S!euJenviHe Herald.
When you go 10 ''stag party" be careful
that you don't come home staggering. No
charge for this.-Nelo Hdren Register
Boston girls cultivate serio-comic style of
repartee. They also cultivate a melow-dra
matte style of baked beans.-Sandie Stone.
A religion that won't spread over more
than one day in the week, is.not worth build
ing meeting house for.-Indianapoli Herald
The last words which would have gone
down to history as the dying utteranees Of
the Gar would have been, "Well, I'm blow
ed."-Oa city Derrick
Never blow down a lamp chimney TO ex-
tinguish the fame, for it's quite liable to
return the compliment and blow you up
Hartford Sunday Journal.
"Wil advertising pay?' A very old ques-
tion and it has been proven that it will; but
what most interests the editor is, "Wil the
advertiser pay ?'-NcKean County lKner.
Hail March, thou August month
We own thy royal sway;
Who now declines to hail thy reign
Perhaps in April May
-Kansas City Times
When a woman asks man question and
he doesn't answer as promptly as he should
she arches her fingers, twines them in his hair
and remarks: II paws for reply ."-Sandie
Stone.
The fact is becoming more apparent every
day hat this world was not made for any par
licular reason, but simply for the benefit of
few people who are almighty PARTICULAR
Waterloo Observer.
With tender meaning in bis eye
'lf you love me as l love you"
Said Mr.. Boyle 10 Miss Frye,
"The priest shall straight unite us stew"
Eugene Field
If Thomas F Bayard should be nominated
for the Presidency by the Democrats, th2 Re-
publican punsters would shout in one voice
that they were ready to Bayard the lion in
his den.-Rome Sentinel
1t is customary for the father 10 give the
bride away at marriage, but it is the real
smart little boy brother that ''gives her
away to dozen beaus before marriage So
the girls say.-Modern Argo
1t is stated as a solemn fact that the per-
formance at Louisville theater was efFectu-
ally broken up one night, not long ago, by
some one in the lobby shouting; Come
colonel, lets go and get drink. ."-Ladiana-
polls Journal
We shouldn't think it very profitable for
sailor to board ship. It holds such
great quantity But after all, it can't tie its
things up in pocket handkerchief and drop
out the back window, defaulter to the
amount Of a fraction of a ton of hash Ed l.
T0Tialle.
you've got my spare rib remarked
Adam to Eve as they sat down 10 their first
breakfast Of pork house meats and griddle
cakes. "But he added, placing his hand
to the side from which the rib WAS taken and
smiling ghastly smile, II sill have Il tender
loin. ."-Reokuk Gate City.
We have heard a young lady scream when
her little brother threw his arms about hcr
neck and say it '%icklpd her almost to death
but we have seen a great big fellow throw his
arms about the same Young ladys neck And
yet she never complained except when he Ie-
moved his arms. This is one Of th- miss
tickle things of ife.-Hiram Green