New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-03-24
WHOLENUMBER117
VARIETY AND HU1oR.

VARIETY AND HUl0R.
is rain-water soft water when Il
rains hard?
The only kind Of cake children
don't cry after-.A cake of soap.
"A Vermont editor claims to have
seen rainbow at night, and the tenn
perance people despair Of him.
NO dictionary can equal the child's
definition of chaos. :" It is . great pile
OF nothing" she said, "and nowhere to
put it.
IN. Emile de Girardjn asks and an
swers . question. Can universal suf-
frage be suppressed? No. Well, then,
one must live bravely with it.
ICY What are the best stories?''
THAT depends. When you are tell
ing them the long ones are; when you
are listening, the short ones.''
1t has been proven that more deaths
in mines are due to the falling Of rocks.
to shaft accidents and to miscellaneous
mishaps, than to explosions of fire.
damp.
The N. Y. Commercial advertiser
finds that cooking clubs do more to
prevent crime than all the prisons and
reformatories in the country. Good de
gestion is the first cousin to morality.
: Somebody once asked the late Sir
Rowland Hill to what medicine and
druggist he owed his robust health.
Sir Rowland, who was great rider, re-
piled: "My medicine has always been
horse, and my druggist an ASST
"A woman who was called as q wit.
ness in an assault case tried in the Ed
inburgh Police Court recently, on being
asked by the Magistrate what was the
profession of her husband, answered.
promptly, "My husband is bankrupt,
| sir"
| -'' Fullness under the eye denotes
language" we are told. So it does,
and, we fear, bad language, too, at
times. In recent instance fullness
under the eye denoted that the possess.
or had called man q liar.-CAicaqo
Tribune.
The Quee,,slander, published 1t
Brisbane, Australia, recently contained
the following advertisement: II, Fam
ny Harris, have not heard of my hus-
band, George Harris, for seven years,
and if don't hear from him previously
l intend to get married again in two
months
in response to question as to his
business witness replied: II am q
retailer of wet goods "Wet goods!'
exclaimed the Judge. "What are
| theyP' Liquors, your Honor" said
the witness. "Oh, yes, ] see. Wet
goods; you mix 'em with water" re.
sponded his Honor.
"A shirt of strong chain mail is now
worn by the Car of Russia. We pre-
sumo Alexander's object is to cut down
the dimensions of his wash bill, but it
looks rather small in q man of his line.
Let your laundry list alone, Alec, and
attend to the Nihilist. That's our ad-
vice.-R0sto,a Transcript
AT q soiree: cav, Miss Fitzioy.,,.
said Mr.. Toplofty, with smile tn.
nearly twisted his eye-glass from it.
socket. didn't observe you, aw, Thu
awfternoon widing down the avahnue,
aw?' ''Oh, indeed, Mr.. Toplofty, did
you see me? Yes, pa has new span
and ne was just speeding them little.
Do you know that when [ saw you ON
| the sidewalk thought you must be one
of those ground swells we read so much
ave." and %GT he " a%;oa%ea' off to sest
more "agweeable'' company. = Nes0
Haven Register.
"A letter, addressed as below, was
sent to the New Haven Post-of1ice, one
of the localities where POstmaster-Gen-
sral Keys misdirection ordcr'' was q
peculiar injustice:
Mr.. Enos A. Hale,
sstant-Postmaster,
go Orchard street,
City Of New Haven.
Town of New Haven,
County Of New Haven,
State of Connecticut,
United States Of America,
Western Continent,
Planet earth,
Solar system,
Universe.
Indianapolis NesOe.
"A young couple with their first
born child take upper-story rooms
looking out on the street. Be very
careful about the windows says the
janitor, who has been showing them
over the apartments. "Be very care
full about the windows, for the balco-
MES are low and the baby might fall
out and - "You can just bet I'll be
careful about the windows" says the
young mother, folding the precious
child to her heart, "for if mothers lit
tie darling was to fall out what would
it's poor moth "Oh, it isn't that"
says the janitor; sits on account Of
the boss. He doesn't like the stone
pavement mussed up.''-Paris Meas
paper.
"A stranger entered the Merchants
and Mechanics Bank this morning,
and, throwing upon the Paying Tellers
desk two certificates of deposit of &5,-
600 each, exclaimed: There, you can
give me my little ten per cent. on them.
I've held 'em some time, and have kept
it all to myself; but I guess they are
good for $1,000 to-day" 81 guess
not" replied the clerk; they are not
good here. You have made a mis-
take.'' "No mistake at ALL" said the
stranger. II paid $40, 900 for 'cm when
l thought this ere bank was solid, but
l never expected to get a cent. I'll
take my 81 900 now, however" The
clerk reiterated his former statement
That they were not good there, and 10
the surprise of the unfortunate stranger
informed him that his $40, 900 were safe
and sound in the Manufacturers Bank,
upon which the certificates were drawn.
swell" the happy holder was heard
to mutter as he left the bank, I'm
5000 better off than I thought was.''
Troy Times.
The Philadelphia Times recently
printed history of the management Of
Jay Cookies affairs since his failure,
and said: "Creditors who have not
parted with their claims nor sold their
stock can to-day, counting their receipts
from cash dividends, realize the full
face Of their claims, with handsome
surplus by way Of interest Beside
this, there will be another scrip divi-
dend. which it is believed will be worth
ssAA H., -. A. Az -s q -