The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-01-23
Just as stupid as YOU, YOU see.

the simplest question, first they open
their mouth and cape at you. When
you've repeated the question twice
they shut their mouth and think
bit. Then the idea seems to reach
tho thing that docs duty with 'em for
brains, and excites sort OF reflex
action, for, by jingo! instead of an
swering your question they go and
ask you one. And that makes me so
mad! Oh, they're very dense race,
those Yorkshire people.
"Why, to open the safe, you stu
pid," said l. .Where is her"
"Don't you know?" says she.
"Know!" / cried in a rage; "what
should 1 ask you for if did know?"
"Didn't you know he was at your
house?"
All, SO he was. I'd nearly forgot
ten that he was one of the guests at
my wife's party. Clearly, couldn't
get the safe open, and didn't like
to leave the money in my desk, so l
put it in my pocket and took it home,
thinking I'd give it to Cousins with
my key, to put it in the safe when
he returned.
A nice mess 1 got into when 1 got
home, for you see it had been ar
ranged that l was to 60 up stairs and
dress before anybody came; and that
then the room was to be made ready
for the ladies to take their bonnets
off-for they were not all carriage
people. Well, you never saw such
thing! When l got home and
crept up stairs to dress, the people
had all come so the servant said
there were six muffs, and four bon
nets, and five pork-pie hats, and a
half dozen shawls on the beds, and
one lady had left her every day
eurls hanging over the looking glass.
Upon my word, / didn't like TO per-
form my toilet among all these fem.
mime gear; and there was no lock to
the door; and my dress clothes were
all smothered up among these muffs
and things. But l got through pret-
ty well, and had just got one of my
legs into my trousers, when bang
} atrop-dop-dop! such rattle at the
: knocker, and / heard my wife scut
l tling away into the hall.
) They were the Markbys our trump
card, who kept their own carriage
: and everything grand.
!, $50 kind of you, my dear" said
: my wife, kissing Mrs. Markby most
affectionately. could hear the re
port where | stood.
$50 delighted Really, how nice
. ly, how beautifully you arrange ev
erything. l can't have things ar
ranged, with all my servants, and
3 "Run up stairs, dear, do," said my
3 wife. "You know she room-mJ
9 room, right hand, at the top of the
8 stairs"
/ heard the futter of female wings
: on the stars. What was l to do? l
q I could have managed the other leg
Y l wouldn't have minded, but
r couldn't. 1 hadn't worn these dress
|. things for good while, and 1 dom
h grow any thinner as l grow older
J. No, for the life of me could not dis
r pose of that other leg at such shor
s notice. What could | do? / coult
g only rush to the door and set IN,
back against it. Did tell you tina
It this was our housewarming party
d Did 1 tell you our landlord had al
y tered the house for us, making ou
l bedroom larger by adding slip tina
i that had formed separated room
d | think not. And yet ought t.
have told you all these circumstan
r ces to enable you to understand tn,
o catastrophe that followed. In wore
the door opened outward. I'd for
k gotten that peculIarity, never having
e had room SO constituted before
g and never will again. The doc
b went open with a crash, and l bound
:, ed backward into Mrs. Markby'
J, arms. Smelling salts and sal vola
r tile! was there ever such an unto
e ward affair?
s The music struck up for the dane,
] as | hoped back into my room.
i, hid my head among the holsters ant
. muffs and almost cried, for I am sucf
s a delicate minded man. Yes, it hur
: me great deal more than it die
r Mrs. Markby, for, would you believe
!, it?-she told the whole story dowr
r below, to the whule company, with
, pantomimic action, and, when
5 showed myself at the door of the
3 drawing room, was received will
shouts of inextinguishable laughter
think called the Yorkshire peo
pie dense just now, didn't /? Well
I'll add another epithet coarse
2 dense and coarse. / told 'em SO
and they laughed the more.
The guests were gone, the lights
weae out, slumber had just visited
l my eyes, when right into my brain
J starting me up as if had been shot
came noise. l WASH t really certain
> at first whether l heard noise OF
, was only dreaming. Was it only my
pulse humping into my ears, or were
those regular beats the tramping ol
J somebody's mufflei feet? Then
heard an unmistakable sound-creak
creak, creak-a door opened slowly
and cautiously. All in a moment
the idea flashed into my head e22,
u 600. You see, all this dancing and
junketing, and laughing and chatting
had completely driven out of my
J mind all thought of the large sum
had in my possession. | had left it
in great coat pocket, which was
! hanging up in the hall down stairs.
, D,Q q L