The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-02-04
FEBRUARY 4
7 VARIETIES.

JdCkSOIVllIe newspaper IcpOIISIS
wear little hatchet,to signify they
never lie.
1t takes gent about three years to
learn how to fan young lady so as
not to muss her bangs.
Take the good with the evil, forge
all are the pensioners Of God, and
none may choose or refuse the cup
his wisdom mixeth.-zMpper.
a.. A Connecticut man recently said:
"Lend me dollar. My wife has left
me, and want to advertise that l
am not responsible for her debts"
"How dare you swear before me?"
asked man of his son, recently.
allow did I know that you wanted to
swear first ?" said the spoiled urchin.
Some young ladies are opposed to
the telephone. They say they do not
care to have young man whispering
in their ears with his mouth twenty
miles away.
An article going the rounds is
headed "Where Women Never Co."
We know where women never go.
They never 60 back on man who
behaves himself
Falsehood, like poison, will gener.
ally be rejected when administered
alone; but, when blended with
wholesome ingredients, may be swal-
lowed unpreceived.- Whdtelu.
That was an observing fellow, if
he was but six years old, who said:-
Papa, wish you'd quarantine
against Tom. Jones comm here every
night to see Jennie. It's got to be
too epidemic"
Phelim Ito tourist who has taken
shelter in leaky shebeen)-t'D ade
an it's a soaked to the bone you'll
be getting wild the strames through
the roof. Come outside, sorr-it's
drier in the wet!'
A woman may wear her hat
knocked into any conceivable shape,
and both herself and the hat are pro-
nounced perfectly lovely but Just
let man, jam in one side of the hat
he wears, and he is at once proclaimed
first class rowdy.
"Well, Pat, / think Barney has not
acted the friend to you but you'll
forgive him, won't you ?" ooh, sure,
entirely, yer honor; an the first time
I have the pleasure Of meeting him
Pll give him a present of two of the
most beautiful black eyes ever you
ever SEEN" ''.''
FEATHER, did you ever have another
wife besides mother p mo, my boy;
what possessed you to ask such
question ?" because / saw in the old
family Bible that you married Anna
Domini, 1886, and that is not mother,
for her name is Mary Brown"
Mr.. Lincoln used to tell a story
about big Hoosier who came to
Washington during the war and
called on street Arab for shine.
Looking at the tremendous boots be-
fore him called he out to a brother
sinner across the street. "Come over
and help, Jimmie. I've got an army
cantract."
| No language can express the
power and beauty and heroism and
majesty of a mothers love. 1t
shrinks not when man covers, and
grows stronger where man faints, and
over the waste of worldly fortunes
sends the radiance of its quenchless
fidelity like star in heaven
Chaplin. ..
"My wife," remarked prominent
manufacturer, "never attends auc.
tons. She went once, and seeing
friend at the opposite side Of the
room, nodded politely, whereupon
the auctioneer knocked down a pat
ent cradle and asked her where she
wished it delivered" - Hartford
Post.
He entered a car, when brake.
man came inside and took key out
of his pocket, unlocked the stove, put
in some wood and locked the door,
and he asked him what he locked the
stove door for. The brakeman shut
his left eye and said he locked the
door SO the fire couldn't 60 out
Troy Times.
Lady, to new girl ~ pay $40 per
year." Girl "That is not enough. /"
Lady: "But, besides, you will get
presents that they don't give every.
where; SO at Easter, new dress at
Christmas and SO every time there is
a new baptism in the family" Girl: