Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1880-10-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

it is usually done that he may be feeced
afterwards.
Lenny, you're pig, said fond father to
his little son. Now, do you know what a
pig is Lenny2 Yes sir; hogs little boy.
There isn't much difference between a
grass widow and grasshopper, after all.
Either will jump at the first chance.
A sail boat upset on Lake Huron few
days ago, and the first person saved was
dressmalxer. Survival Of the tittest, as usual.
The young man who has proposed and
has been neither accepted nor rejected knows
how exciting It is to live in doubtful state.
An ingenious locomotive engineer has just
patented an improved spark arrester.'-
Here is another enemy to the course Of true
love.
The bangs on ladys brow are better
than barometer In dry weather they all
frizzle up, in wet weather they straighten
down.
They are trying lady ushers in some Of
the churches in Chicago, but they are not
success, Every lady with new bonnet
is seated way back.
The Leavenworth Times sums up the latest
breach of-promise verdict as follows: "An
injured woman sues her deceyer for $4,000,
and she runs 900 behind the ticket"
A Danbury young man bought an accor-
deon and took lessons. A month later his
wife presented him with an heir. Not being
able to hold It's own the ACCORDION is offered
for sale.
There are one or two men in this country
who seem to think that ii ii wasn't for John
Sherman there wouldn't be enough produce
raised to keep a small mule through short
winter.
A lady writer is out with an article enti-
tied GLOW TO Catch Husband" But her
theory is all wrong. Ask any married wo-
man how to catch a husband, and she will
reply "By the hair.
"Granger; :" You are right! The wagon
jack is used to raise wagons, and the screw
JUN 10 untu w ldiot puiuiukot pub ~ 10 -
mistake to suppose you can raise apples with
apple jack. 1t isn't in the pins.
Teacher suppose that you have two
sticks of candy and your big brother gives
you two more, how many have you got
them" Little boy Shaking his head; "You
don't know him; he amt that kind Of n
boy"
The minister stopped at house on the
Southside last week, and sought to improve
the time by giving an eight-year-old boy an
instructive lesson in morality. my boy"
said the minister, al have lived forty.five
years and have never used tobacco in any
form, Dor told lie, nor uttered an OATH, nor
played truant, nor" "Gmminy crickets"
interrupted the lad, Eyer amt had any fun
at all, have YEP.
The front gate-it was night. The sable
goddess stretched her leaden sceptre over the
silent, slumbering world, and they were still
swinging on the old front gate. He had
placed his arm around her graceful waist,
and drew her closer to his throbbing breast
TO protect her from the falling dews Of
heaven Her head was resting on his strong,
manly shoulder, and the loyelight was shin
ing in her lustrous eyes as bright as the
| head light Of u locomotive. He looked her
earnestly in the eyes, and passionately muir
INJURED, "Jemima, is your folks had mess Of
spring peas yetT'
A member Of the Board of Brokers, whom
we shall call Jones, though everybody knows
who we mean, was boosting to his friends,
the other night, how well he managed his
wife, adding that any man could do 80 per-
fectly by means Of little fattery judicious-
ly applied, the chief trouble being that few
men knew how to administer IL correctly.
lie was at once put TO the test, with the fol-
lowing result; Anxious TO take trip over
the road, without letting Mrs Jones into all
the particulars, he told her some fellows
wished him 10 run up 10 Virginia, see how
the mines looked, and report; he did 80 hate
10 leave her, but would write every day of
the three he would be absent. The first
letter came in due time, and Mrs. Jones in
terest was intense az she perused II. "He
calls me his precious pet-thats good" she
said aloud. After reading few more lines,
she continued ale never knew before how
charming my society was, nor how much he
could miss IT," A little further on ale
calls me his darling sunbeam, his guardian
angel--the dear fcllowp She reached the
top Of the third page ale met that haxen-
headed doll, Miss Smith, on the cars-did
he y-on her way to Salt Lakc-so, so."--
Further on she growled; ale thinks of run
ming on there too, for day-Pd like TO see
! him" Then she came 10 the =. s., and
shrieked "Not coming home for couple
OF weeks--great press Of business-hopes
his own love won't feel lonely, but take good
care Of herself I'll love him--Pl press him
III scc whether he amt coming home
Where's the railroad Officer I'll go and
fetch him" And she did. Jones, since his
return, thinks that taffy is not quite 30 ef-
fcacious as he imagined, and Miss S---had
10 pay her hotel bill.-SaH Francisco Neios
Iallcy