Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1880-06-12
The Old Family. Journal.
VARIETY.
When a man gees ont of the poultry busl-
rncr La toar. -,l.a .atfer.l her sirn down

ness be tears the .aiteTed hen sign down.
Tamagc ID said to have earned his mouth in
early childhood by trying 10 smile oil over
quarter section Of mince pie.
The detectives Of New York have nearly
reached tie conclusion that the late MIR. Stew
art didn't haze any body.
Thousands of boys would 90 dirty all sum
mer. il il were not wicked and dangerous 10
battle in tie river. .,
A young lady calls her fellow, ~hois learn
ing 10 WALTZ, Alexander. because he longs ios
other whirs TO conquer.
The Rome Sentinel asks " How sleep the
brnve?' Like a top. old hoy like top
since The old lady put flannel blankets on the
/ led.
Wake up, my son. wake up Don't be a
sluegald Lrmenher it is the early bird that
catches the worm." Sleeping ofIspriug.-
Don't want no worm I've had em."
"A splendid croquet ground in the rear,
said the real estate aeeni. And when he had
bought he house aud MOVED in, lie found that
frogs kept croakitg all night.
a Brooklyn man stole up behind lady in
dark room and kissed her, and when 30
/ found il Was his wife, and she found II was heE
husband, tbey 'welc both as mad us wet hens.
An antiquarian las discovered that The rca-
son why the ancients took the owl Tor an en-
blcm OF wisdom was uccanse be saved his talk
and filled bis stomach
A sewing machine agent, who was very III.
being told that be must prepare 20 pay tho
/ debt Of nature, wanted 20 know il il c0u,dnt
be paid on the monthly instalment plan.
We've noticed that the men who are always
trying TO borrow chew OF tobacco are tho
men who have bank accounts, and who even
tually crawl Up TO tho top rung OF the ladder.
The civilized Indians Of the Cherokee na-
/ ton are organizing brass band so there Wi.
/ be no further use for the quotation: A" 10, tho
/ poor Indian whose un-,osi-oreJ mind.
The Californian who shot himself because ho
could Ut let whiskey alone, didn't realize that
il takes more nerve 10 commit suicide than II
does to valk past a saloon when one is thirsty.
It CALLS the proud spirit Of man 10 stand
sbiyering in the cold winter blasts aud see
liver.colored pup trot BY in an ulster. when
he can't raise money to buy a secoud band
army oyercoat.
A Subscriber warts to know chow 10 pre-
vent wrinkles" The only sure remedy is H.
commit suicide before you are thirty years
ola. when mentioning this remedy 10 your
friends, odd that you saw il 10 this paper
The medical students Of Ohio have caused
the post-mOiIem conversion OF a naterialisi.
A l. 4 4. a 81 tla0
there could he no resurrection Of the body
lie thinks differently now.
4 western paper apologies thus. In place
I Of Mayor n. was tight last evening beyond
a doubt" please read Mayor n. was right"
eic. The compositor that did the mischief Las
been asked TO remove himself.
Did yon ever soe m Iudian Pawnros over
coat p Cincinnati Saturday MyhL Yes, and
saw him Sioux for its recovery .-Defroit
Free Press, And be had to get Cheyenne
Of evidence TO do t.-GUelph Herald.
"Tbe Lord lovcth cheerful giver"-but
there's no use chuckiug copper cent into
contribution box loud enough 10 make tho
/ folks On the back seat think the communion
service has tumbled of the altar.
The Daubury Ne,os says tbs, village has
several old ladies who are ninety years Of age
aud older who do not use glasses They viii
do to offset the old gentlemen who use atou.
I six glasses per day.
The gentlemen at dinner-taLlo were dsr
cussir the familiar line. " An h'nest mans
/ the MODEST work Of God. when little son
Of the host spoke up aud said " 1t isn't true
! NJ, -. lott fV
made"
The number Of Bibles e1taDt at the begin
I ming Of the present century did not exceed g.
OOO. .OCO. but since that time Il1, 900, 900 ara
! estimated TO have been printed by the British
aud American Bible Societies alone.
The greatest man is he who troubles him
, self the least about the verdict that may be
passed upon him BY his posterity, but who
finds doing good honest work to tho best u
his ability, under existing conditions. " its own
exceeding great reward."
a woman IN New York accidentally went
to church with two bonnets on her bcad-oos
stuck inside the otbcr-and the other women
in the congregation almost died Of envy
They thought it was new Kind OF bonnet,
aud too sweet for anything. D
Professor: VIII you mention some liquid
that is lighter than water ?" Junior Alco-
hol" Professor: 4" Can. you mention any
,her with which you ere iainiliar?" Junior
Immediately searches ioT a club Collage
Nerspaper.
Jim, does you see Miss Dina aud Miss
PhGbe walking down De oder side oh Broad
wsyY" inquired one negro swell Of another.
Well, yes, Pete, was the answer.
" How much dcy bofe 'zsmbes each oder"
Yes, Pete 'specially DO one Oh 20 far
side"
40 Oil City man calls bis wife the red.
white aud blue because she bas red hair, wbito
teeth aud blue eyes. II may also be incident
tally mentioned that wien be sees her bead
sticking out oi the window at midnight. be-
knows at ouca that the Gag ncaus sigoal of
danger.
A Worcester lawyer got bis pretty lady
client to weep in the presence Of tbe jury, aud
thought be had dead sure thing, but tho
council on the other side told tie court that
the State WAS bound 10 fnrnisb these twelve
gentlemen all tie liquor they could drink, aud
won the case
Wife" said broker few days since.
" DO you think shall ever 10 worth balf
million dollars? ,"
Amt worth that to you ?" said the con-
fdipg spouse.
Yes" said the other half, but can't
mt won fuf IN interest - ~,