The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1880-02-21
JOHNS MISTAKE.


here's go as sure as shootin'! The
OF woman has gone and invited her min
lister to dinner, and I'm to entertain him
when he comes while she dishes up the
hash. May old Nick fly away with the
preachers And Sanscript kicked the
cat through the doorway with such force
that the poor creature dislocated two
teeth by conclusion with the wainscotiny
on the opposite side Of the hall. Puss
skunk away licking her bleedin. chops
wondering whether the house had fallen
on anybody else, while Sanscript banged
the chairs, and continued his soliloquy:
Now. amt used to preachers, and no
doubt I'll make a muss of it. I'd sooner
trim the corns on the hind feet of a mule or
comb the name of Uncle John Robinson's
boss lion than entertain a minister
What will the old duffer want to talk
about, l wander. If he sings any Bible
conundrumS at me I'm lost. | never did
take much stock in the Bible. don't
hold very strong hand in religious
learning, and preachers have such
knack Of setting up the deck that they
deal themselves full hand everytime!
Wonder, now. if could stand pat, and
bluff the snoozer on an ace high. Since
| come to think of it I'm not SO ignorant
after all. It's been long while since l
went to Sunday school, but l recollect
prize stories we learned there. Let's
see and Sanscript sat down to think.
So intent was his mind rummaging
around i'll his brain for the dusty lore of
his almost forgotten Sunday school days,
that he had never noted the fact that he
had sat upon his wife's twenty dollar
bonnet, which she had carelessly left
lying upon the sofa. Let's see, now
unused John tapping his forehead
6 There was something about Daniel
going to the Geological Garden, and
falling into the bearpit, or getting bit by
Il camel-I forget just exactly the nature
Of Dams accident. Then what was the
tough yarn about some little Jew boys
who were thrown in rolling mill, and
came out without smuggling their eye
brows? Oh, yes. Wasn't it Goliah who
licked twenty million Indians with the
jawbone of mule and then sat down
and bawled because there wasn't any
more left? Never mind; I'll give the
old hoodlum a pretty good tussle, l
reckon, and if don raise him right out
Of the pot on the first dealit'll be because
| lack gall. 1t becomes me to be an
agreeable to the old dead-beat anyhow,
because Mrs. Sanscript said if | made a
good impression on him she wouldn't
insist on a new seal skin sacque this
Winter, and seal skin sacques don't grow
Oh trees. There goes the bell. I'll bet
ten red ones that's him.
Sanscript slnoothed his rutfled hair
with a few strokes of his hands, cleared
his throat, pulled down his vest, and
walked out into the hall and opened the
door. \ pale cadaverous looking young
man, with long hair, watery eyes, high
cheek bones, large mouth, Roman nose,
and clad i'll shiny black suit, bowed and
smiled at the master of the house be-
nisnly. Under his arm he carried Il
large book, which Sanscript thought of
course was Il Bible, or some large work
on theology. Grasping the visitor by
the hand, John drew him into the hall
way with a cordial intent, and continuing
to squeeze and shake, said:
My dear sir. this is indeed a pleasure.
We've been expecting you. Come right
into the parlor.'
With bewildermcnt written all over his
face, the young man tactly followed.
"Have this chair by the fire. Give
me your hat. Mrs Sanscript is dishing
up the cruel now. | smell it. Don't
yon?"
The young man shifted the air, and his
face lighted up with the expression of a
hungry and expcctant stomach.
THAT most prominent odor-the one
nearest to you-is the stuilin' for the
duck. You like stuffed duck-don't
yol?'
I'm fond Of duck ventured the
young man, drawing his coat sleeve
across his watering mouth.
"That's good. | thought you'd like
duck Them's what the children of
Israel fed on when they went down into
Turkey-if l recolIect rightly
Sanscript reconnoitered from the cor
ner Of his left eye for the effect of his
first theological shot. You see he was
| not quite sure he had hit the bulls eye
But the Young man smiled and nodded
which added confidence to the host as
surance.
- Had We not better transact little
business before dinner. Mr.. Sanscript >"
ooh, all, certainly, to be sure. How
stupid in me, now. never thought
about it. that you always have prayers
first. Shall | call in Mrs. Sanscript or
can you and l do it alone: The old
woman can hardly leave off her cooking,
and if she should get tangled up in that
long prayer Of her'n everything would
burn into 4 cracklin.'
| Excuse me-" stammered the young
man. as he flushed and took on wild,
daZed sort of look excuse me. sir, but
I never said IL prayer i'll my life"
"What! Never said-Oh! you're iok-
ing
Upon my word I've not, much as
am ashamed to own it..
SanScript stroked his chin, tried hard
to collect his scattered thoughts, and
mentally observed:
We'll. here's IL of preacher.
Never prayed, Wonder what church lie
belongs to?''
Il thought maybe you'd like to sub
scribe" mildly continued the young man.
Subscribe. Oh. yes. to be sure! Why
ccrtainly!' Then to himself: The
mercenary william. He strikes mo for a
five before the dust settles" Then
aloud; "This is for the heather, | sup
pose
Beg pardon
"To send some one into Hottentot to
save souls that are probably LOST
Il don't exactly catch your meaning.
I ~