The Russellville Democrat., 1880-11-11
MIR. SP00PENDYKE.
rhls rlme He LoosA His suspenders

NOW, my dear, sad MT. SpOopen. dyke, as he stretched himself and drew on his pantaloons, "you've cleaned these trousers up first rate. This is what call economy. It saves money. If I'd taken 'em to u e tailor's it would have cost a couple of dollars at least, and you've saved just that amount" and Mr. Spoop- endyke went to his abiutions and then pulled on his shirt.
 "lll clean your coat too, if you like" said Mrs. Spoopendyke. Leave it home some day and I'll take this spot out of the sleeve" and Mrs. spoopendyke bust led around and looked delighted with the idea of pleasing her husband.
 Where's my suspenders?' asked Mir Spoopendyke, screwing himself around and looking down his back. You didn't clean the suspenders clear out of sight, did you"
 ''Ihey were there when you put on your pants" said Mrs. Spooper dyke. T haven't touched them. What did you do with them?"
 "Oh, yes, certainly. I did something with them! What dye s'pose did with tnem2 Think set them up in business somewhere, don't ye? Got an idea l gave 'em vacation to go fishing, haven't ye? Well, l didn't, and more'n that didn't send lem away to be educated for the m.nstry. Where's my suspenders? Where'd you put 'em? S'posc I'm goine around holding these pants up all day? Think I've got no business interests be- side holding on my brooches with both hands? Whatd you do with the measly things?p
 T know I didn't take them off the r,o,,to p co.J ATrc GnrnpapIx,t-a ,o,,if;o n open the bureau drawers and hustling things around in vain endeavor to find tue missing articles.
 They must be there somewhere :"
 "Show 'em to me, then!" demanded Mir. Spoopendyke, take stick and point 'em out to mel Of course they're here somewhere, only just put your thumb on 'eml What have ve done with 'em? Can't ye recollect whether ye made lem up into hat bands for the heathen, like you did my dressing gown, or whether you planted them to see if they would grow, like you did my stiaw hat? Think they walked off like croton bug? S'pose those suspenders have taken their girl to picnic? What kind of house. keeping dye call this, anyhow? Where's my suspendeTs?" howled Mr. Spoopen- dy ke,poking around III the soi d-clothes bag. "Where's those suspenders?' and he pulled the books of the shelf and rummaeed around behind the case with a broom. handle for a diving-rod.
 Maybe l can fix your pants so you won't need any suspenders to-day, and I'll find them before night" suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
 That's 1t. You've got ftp raved Mir Spoopendyke. 'How are you going to fix 'em? Going to tie them on with a shoe-string, like you do your hustle? Going to walk around behind me all day and hold 'em on? P'haps you can pull lem up and button lem around my neck! How dye propose to fix lem? Going to put 'em on me upside down, so if they iall they'll fall up? If had your head I'd go out 10 service as file. Fix lem, why don't ye? Why don't ye fix 'em? These trousers are getting sick at the stomach, waiting to be fixedp' and Mir Spoopendyke shot across the room and dove under the wardrobe Tn search of the lost suspenders.
 Just let me buckle them tight behind" !" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, 'The strap will hold them"
 That's the scheme" shrieked Mir Spoopendyke. Something's gote hold then If l was as sharp as you I'd get rich hiring out for an oyster.knite. All you want IS to have somebody sit cross legged on you and come home two weeks after you're expected to be tailor-shopl Going to find those dod gasted suspend CTS between now and the next war?"
 "I know they were on his pants when he put them on," unused Mrs. Spoopen- dyke, entering upon little inductive reasoning "He didn't take them of, and 80 they must be there now," and the good woman approached her husband with a smile.
 "Oh. now they're going to be fixed" said Mir. Spoopendyke, with horri Dle grin. "P'raps you're going to cut button holes in your hands and feet and hang over my shoulders, ain't ye? Want me to put 'em on over my head like meas ly shirt with two tucks and houpce to 1t, don't ye? Maybe you think those suspenders hurried down to breakfast so's to get the first crack at the morning paper, don't ye2"
 But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re- sponse. Opening the back of her hus- bands tiutlering shirt, she saw the miss ing suspenders. He had slipped them over his shoulders before assuming the muslin, and had forgotten all about them.
 Smart as a whip, ain't yeY" growled MT. Spoopendyke, as he drew of bis shirt and let the suspenders down. TIT my head was as clear as yours I'd hire out for church bell. You only need four lenses and drop of rain water to be a microscope" And MT. Spoopendyke hurried on his clothes and scuttled down stairs to get the morning paper before his wife could make clutch at 1t.
 Science in Court.