Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-04-16


Uncurled the tail, now shorn of its pride,
Turned up her plantigrade heels-and died.
F. U n
The Boy WHO LOVED HIS TEACHER.
"A school boy about ten years old was the
other day halted by a benevolent-minded
citizen, on Second street and asked if he
liked to 60 to school.
mo, STRIP was the prompt reply.
''Then you don't love your teacher ?"
"N-yes sir. That is, didn't until yes
terday, but now do. think she's just
bully"
s'Why have you loved her since yester-
day ?''
'sWell, you know Jack Cain Well he's
the worst fighter in our room. He can lick
me and two other boys with one hand tied
behind him. Well, he was going to lick
me last night, and he was shaking his fist
at me in school and showing his teeth and
getting me all excited, when the teacher
saw him.
9sDid, eh ?''
"You bet she did and the way shetook
him out of that and wolloped him and
hnmbled him down made me feel as if she
were mother to me- When school was
out, Jack didn't touch nobody. He was
wilted down, and when hit him with a
hunk of dirt he never even looked around!
I guess Pm going to try and lick him in
the morning before he gets over feeling
humble.''
Sim THE ONLY MAN en- YOUR SIDE."
in one of the Western States, case was
tried, and at its termination the judge
charged the jury and they retired for con-
sultation. Hour after hour passed and no
verdict was brought in. The judges din
ner time arrived, and he became hungry
and impatient. Upon inquiry he learned
that one obstinate juryman was holding
out against eleven. That he could not
stand, and he ordered the twelve men to
be brought before him. He told them that
in his charge to them he had so plainly
dict ought to be unanimous, and the man
who permitted his Individual opinion to
weigh against the judgement of eleven
men of wisdom, was unfit and unqualified
ever again to act in the capacity of jury
man. At the end of this excited harangue
little squeaky voice came from one of the
jurymen. He said: "Judge will your hon
or allow me to say word ?'' Permission
being given, he added: s'May it please your
honor, am the only man on your side.'
An old woman of the name of Gordon,
in the north Of Scotland, was listening to
the account given in the Scriptures of Sol
omon's glory, which was read to her by a
little female grand-child. When the girl
came to tell Of the thousand camels, which
formed part of the Jewish sovereign s live
stock, "Eh, lassie." cried the old woman,
Ga thousand Campbells, say we? The
Campbells are an auld clan, sure enough,
but look and ye dinna see the Gordons
too!''
A young American. who has been in
Paris for year studying medicine, was
visited by his father. Like dutiful son
he parades his paternal conscientiously
through the city, and points out it's archi-
tectural lions. Finally they halt before a
manipulated building. what is that
lordly pile?" asks the old man. Il don't
KNOW replies the youth; ''but there is
sergent de VILE" They cross over and
put the question. s'That, gentlemen .,
says the officer, ''is the medical SCHOOL,
Chowder got good dinner at home a
few days ago by telling his wife that he
was going to bring judge home with him
to that meal. When he arrived alone,
and Mrs. c. asked him where the Judge
was, he triumphantly pointed to himself,
remarking, sim good judge of din
ner." He will be obliged to cook up a
dinner in some other way hereafter.
Young Hoopendike says Mr.. Plug is
good sort Of man, and has some fine
daughters, but he's awfully illiterate.--
'Why, the other day he told about per-
son being one hundred years old and he
called him centurion said Hoopendike,
''when everybody ought to know that a
centurion was fabulous creature half
man and half horse.''
''Peter, what are you doing to that boy?"
asked schoolmaster. s'He wanted to
know if you take 10 from II how many
will remain; I took 10 of his apples to show
him, and now he wants me to give 'em
back" ''Well, why don't you do it?''
Zoos, sir, he would forget how many are
left -
emo. JULIUS" she mournfully uttered,
still allowing him to retain her hand
'No Julius, can't marry you. I don't
believe you can provide wife with butter
upon your present salary, and l can't eat
oleomargarine.
A READILY answer.-Very red-haired
passenger: II say, guard, why on earth
don't the train go on ?" Guard-"Good
gracious, sir put your head in, how can
you expect to 60 on while that danger sig
nal is out ?''
'Do you use many flowers on your ia
ble?" asked Mrs. Murray Hill of a south |
ern visitor. swell, yes.'' was the reply !;
1--WE have wheat and I'VE bread for break |
fast, but the old man will stick to corn
dodgers.''
IF children were taught to say ''mother'' |
instead Of 'sma." the blood curdling cry
of young goat on the street would never /
cause an anxious mother to rush out and |
see what was the matter with her darling.
This is the married editors sum up of