The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1880-11-25
HUMOROUS.

General Hancock's pay as major
general is $1,000 per year.
When your opponent calls you liar,
let him have the foor.-Ne,o York NeWs.
There are 1000 pupils in the mission
ary Sunday-schools of Lucknow, India.
Help somebody worse off than your
self, and you will find that you.are bet
ter off than you tancied.
Rebecca: Yes; when a young lady
"goes crazy" over dancing, we think
she could consistently he called hop
ping mad.-YonkerS Statesman.
Railroad accidents have their use in
the world. They give thousands of
young husbands an excuse for not TAX
ing their newly-wedded wives upon a
bridal tour.
A gentleman..s saw an old Highlander
one day fishing with a bent pin. He
said to the man: Fish will never be
caught with that" Aye, they WILL"
the man replied, eff they'll only take it
into their heads"
"Shall we dancep" asks the Syracuse
Standard. If you step on carpet tack,
or run your shin bone against rock
ing chair, when in search of the sooth-
ing syrup, you will dance without ask
ing any questions.-RocheSter Herald.
The room was poorly lighted;
He couldn't see, he said,
And when he tried to- kiss her mouth
He bit her nose instead.
-PeoriG Transcript.
Necessity is the mother of invention,
and a ly-married Philadelphia man
is experimenting with an electrical
apparatus by which party on an upper
floor can light the fire in the kitchen
without coming downstairs or getting
out of bed.
The Lowell Courier isn't printed on
the sea-coast but it knows something
about lighthouses, Just the same. 1t says:
Lighthouses are of great benefit to the
sailor, in preventing him from being
wreI ked; but q succession OF light
houses is sure TO wreck the theatrical
manager"
$50 you enjoyed your visit to the me-
nagerie, did youP" inquired young Silla-
bub of his adored ones little sister.
"Oh. yes. And do you know, we saw
| q camel there that screwed its mouth
and eyes around awfully,E ,Eand sister said
it looked exactly as you do when you
are reciting poetry at the church socia-
bles. Yonker's Gazette.
"Did you hear about that boy being
washed ashorep" asked Gilhooly of one
Of the most, prominent, citizens of Gal
ve ston. "No; when did that happenp"
This morning" "Iiow was itP'
"He was washed ashore by his mother.
You don't suppose she w.uld take him
leo, do youp"- GaLUeSt1n NeWS.
When you meet aF.young man. who is
smoking cigar it is your duty to stop
| him anH Vnnnn hot nir
contains acetic, tormic, cutyric, valerie
and proprionic acids, prussic acid, creo-
sote, carbolic acid, ammonia, sulphuret-
ted hydrogen, pyridine, virodine and
rubidene, to say nothing of cabbageine
and burdockic acid" He may stick to
the cigar, but you have done your duty
in the premises.
II assure you, gentlemen" said the
convict, upon enteringithe. prison, THAT
the place has sought me, and not the
place. My own affairs really demanded
all my time sand attention, and may
truly say that my selection 70 fill tlis
pos sition was an entire surprise. Had
consulted my own interests l should
have peremptorily declined to serve,
, but as am in the hands of my friends
see no other course but to submit
And he ssubmitted.-B Boston IrdnScriIt t
| He stood, bronzed and battered form,
: Whitman old embrasure warm,
Aud leaned upon cannon old,
, Halt sunken in the fragrant mold;
Then, turning from the rusty gun,
! With help OF crutch he tottered on.
! A sweet girl-tace looked up at him,
! ! And swee' eyesscanned his aspect grim,
. q And sweet voice said, in quaver low,
n "Oh, gallant warrior, do not go,
But tell me--tell me where you fought
Il And where these kiearfuli wounds wei
: wrought.
y Vert smitten in the furious tide
al That drenched in blood the bastion's sidei
: Or fought upon the slippery deck
And sangsdenance from the wrecki
Or waved the starry banner high,
r, Brayely resolved to do or diet"
o ''Hold on, young gall" the vete ran said;
~ 81 am whitewasher by trade;
,e never 1T; this trouble is
n. Inhammatory rheumatizw