Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-08-26
Antuarnas Reparttnent,


her thick headed husband to church to find
out the text the preacher selected, as the
foundation of his discourse. The poor Ounce
was rarely fortunate enough to remember the
words of the text, or even the chapter and
verse where they could be found but one.
Sabbath he ran home in hot haste, and in
formed his wife that he could repeat every
word, without missing syllable. The words
were as follows:
IAN angel came down from heaven and
took a live coal from the altar"
81 know every word," said the husband.
81 am anxious to hear it," continued the
wife.
"They are nice words" observed the hus.
band.
II am glad your memory is improving,
but don't keep me in suspense, my dear"
said she.
"Just get your big Bible and will say the
words, for l know them by heart l said
them hundred times on my way home"
"Well, let's hear them"
"Ahem!" said he, clearing his throat.
can 1njun came down from New Haven and
took live colt by the tail and jerked him
out of the halter"
The memory Of onehalf who attend church
is very similar to the above.
How DER PoYs HAD 1T ScHARGED.-An
oldish citizen, who had scraped few hun.
dred dollars together, started in the saloon
business on Hastings street few days ago,
and man whom he knew and did not par
ticularly admire started in the same business
at the same time few doors above. There
was something of a rivalry between the two
places about fixing up, and the old man
was constantly on the watch to see that the
other did not get ahead Of him. He had just
settled down to the belief that he was long
ways ahead, when in came customer, who
said:
"Ah you'll have to hang up your fiddle
now. The man above you was just showing
Inc his slate. He has over 20 names on it
since morning and men have just gone IN
there after 10 cent drinks"
"Ish dot some facts ?" exclaimed the old
man, thoroughly aroused in moment.
Eyes, and III bet he'll have $40 charged
to customers before night
Gun shall hat more as $40! Vhalt till
runs nit der grocery for schlate, und den
you sthand on der corner und gif all der poys
some winks to come in. don't let dot man
get aheadt of me if haf to puy 10 schlates! J!
Night closed in on the old man top of the
heap.-Detroit Free Press.
How He Was CuRED.-TAe following
story is told Of "Fighting Fitzgerald" cel-
ebrated beau, gambler, horseman and duelist.
After his return from Ireland, an old gentle
man declared his intention of trying to cure
Fitzgerald of Is love of dueling, and one
day provoked him to contest. His friends
tried in vain to persuade him not to 60 out
Leave me alone" he said, "1ll settle him.
I have got the choice Of arms. Each of US
shall be mounted, each choose his own weap-
on, space shall be marked out, and who
ever first crosses the boundary shall be de-
cared vanquished." Fitzgerald being in
formed of these strange proposals, did not
like to refuse, and, confident in his admirable
horsemanship and skill with all weapons, &C.
cepted. He appeared on the ground superb.
ly mounted on fiery steed and armed with
pistols. To the surprise and mirth Of all, the
old man trotted up on donkey, carrying a
bladder with dried peas inside, and scarlet
cloak in his hand. Waving the cloak and
shaking his rattle, he rode into the space. Of
started the fiery courser, and before Fitzger'
aid knew where he was, he had crossed the
boundary and lost the duel. The ridicule
was too much for him, and he never "went
out again.
CoRor AND CoDFIsH.-Corot, the artist
once accepted an invitation to dine with
student of his, who was by no means too we'll
off,
"You will have to excuse my wife," said
the host, when Corot arrived, "but forget
ting all about your coming, she has prepared
for dinner some pickedup Goldfish"
"What ?" cried Corot, "picked up Goldfish
If there is anything in the world I am fond
of it is picked-up Goldfish?
And he partook of the inexpensive dish so
heartily that his student was convinced and
cried warmly: "Since it is one of your favor.
ite dishes, come and dine with me every Fri
day-we always have it,
Regularly Fridays thereafter Corot dined
at the house Of his friend and student, and
regularly they had pickedup Goldfish, until
one day the hos! eaid in distress:
"You will have to excuse my wife to-day,
but she forgot it was Friday and SO there is
no goldfish"
"Is that So? Why that's delightful! !"
cried Corot, II never could bear Goldfish in
sny way"
The TRAMP-There is a tramp who
haunts the east end Of Galveston who has
got it down fine. He has reduced it to per-
feet system. He has his regular customers,
so to speak. He knocked at the door of
house. The owner came out. As soon as he
saw the tramp, he said: Nov, look here,
last week gave you nickel to stay away
for ten days, and here you are back again"
The tramp put his hand to his forehead and
was lost in thought for several minutes. Then
he said, "You are right, colonel your regu.
lar assessment is not due yet for week.
When get back to my counting-room I'll
pay off my head book-keeper and discharge
him. He has neglected to give you the prop
er credit on the led GER" "Well, 60 on, now"
call right colonel. This is not profession
al call it is only complimentary. No extra
charge" 1t was Galveston tramp, too, who
grumbled when he was asked to take a dime
out of quarter. He said that the year pre-
vious he had been out $50 by making change.
PARTED LovERs.-They were very fond
of each other, and had been engaged !; but
they quarreled, and were too proud to make
it up.
He called few days ago at her fathers
house to see the Old gentleman on business, of
course She was at the door.
Said he: "Ah, Miss Blank, I believe; is
your father in?"
sNo CIV obo rop1;ad Hno 10 not in Of