Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-07-09
IN GENERAL.


10 a stranger but they bear generous
ratio to the size OF the State.
A downtown man went fishing the
other day and returned with three small
trout. He carried them through the
street boldly, and when asked il those
were all he caught, frankly admitted that
they were. The neighbors gave him
surprise party last night and presented
him with n beautifully carved motto.
IAN honest fisherman is the nohlest work
of God"
In describing new organ Il rural edl-
tor saws: The swell died away in sutlo-
cation ; like one singing a sweet song
under the beIclothes.'
In ancient Mexico it was the custom to
sacrifice human beings to the gods. This
was a case where several wrongs made
rite
A young lady sent II poem entitled. Il
Cannot Make Him Smile" TO a newspa-
per. The editor ventures to express the
opinion that she would have succeeded
had she sent him the poem.
In one of the recent strikes an employ
er was using his best eloquence To con-
NlHCC lilC WIN iipN Willis "'AN-
You do the work, it is true said he.
That is labor. | pay vou wages for
your work. That is capital. Therefore,
our interests are identical as the interests
of milkmaid and COW ,''--H0ur.
A kentucky girl says when she dies
she desires to have tobacco planted over
her grave, that the weed, nourished by
her body, may be chewed by her bereav-
ed lovers. There is poetry in the idea.
A man who had imbibed rather freely
in the morning was driving his COW TO
pasture, when fellow came along and
extolled tie COW. "Ies, sir, said the
owner, everybody is praislng that COW.
u wish l owned her. said No. ,. Just
then couple of toads jumped III front OF
the COW. Look here" exclaimed the
owner, If you'll eat those two toads I'll
give you the cow VIII YOU 2" said
the man. He seized u toad and soon ate
him up. 1t was too much for his stomach,
and he stopped to consider, while the
owner Of the COW began to fear that he
had lost her. There was pause, when
a happy thought hit the toad-eater. III
tell YOU what I'll do said the toad-eater,
If YOU will eat the other toad I'll let you
up Oh YOUR OUeI. DOlie, Blu ilS
owner, and he gobblod the second toad in
jitfy. They were both somewhat the
worse for their meal, and i. is still Il dis
puted point which came out ahead
Frontier life so often has more lark
ed effect in developing aggressive and
heroic qualities than i'll making the gen.
tie virtues, that it is perhaps not surpris
ing that hand -to-hand fight recently oc-
CURED between q teacher and her land-
lady IN one of the new mining camps of
Colorado. aud that the landlady pasted
near the door and window which had been
battered by ier antagonist the following
inscription This is the work OF HIN
ervet swarts the skule marm.
In Georgia tine ladies' often hunt rab-
bits with shot guns. Nobody thinks 1t
out of the way. 1t does the rabbit no
harm and keeps the ladies from having
the dyspepsia.
Ii was a colored preacher who said to
his flock, 'sWe have collection to make
this moIning, and for the glory of heaven
whichever OF You stole MIR. Jones's tTr-
keys don't put anything on the plate.
One who was there says Every bless
ed niggah il de church came down wild
de rocks
A gentleman il Pans has brought ac-
ton against cabman who was engaged
to carry him to burial st the cemetery,
but who accompanied the wrong funeral
procession.
The romance OF the military hfe is not
often manifested in thesr piping times
of peace" but there has been touch of
it at Omaha, where 4 gallant member of
Company q writes thus to his girl before
attending to call Of duty MY Dar-
ling Rosa-I shall have to forego the
pleasure of attending the menagerie with
you. was called to my coumtry's ser
vice by the Governor to-day as militia
man. | don't know when l shall see You
again in-perhaps never Yours, III tears,
jim" The perilous mission upon which
he was ordered was to defend some smelt-
ing works against strikers.
Social amenities-Papa Ito Mabel, who
has been to juvenile party)-Did any
one pay you any attention, Nab? Mabel
I don't know. Papa-I mean, did any
one talk to you or dance with you Ma
bel-Well, there was Il little boy who
made faces at me.-Hdrrurd La8pOon.
If it is true story the LfoUr tells, the
ways of local traffic in New Jersey are
somewhat strange. A few days ago a
train pulled up at small station where
it was not advertised to stop. A passen-
ger, anxious TO learn the cause of the
stoppage. inquired about 1t, and found
that lady had signalled the tram TO stop
in order to see whether any passenger
could oblige her with change for five
dollar bill.
4 Sacramento girl was gLilty of a
mean trick the other day, the relation Of
which will cause the blood of every moth
er in the land to curdle with horror. She
eloped with her Objectionable lover the
same day her mother WAS enameled, and,
as the latter was compelled to remain
shut up three days or else crack all over,
the couple managed to get away without
pursuit
A female applicant Tor aid appeared at
the Office Of the director of the poor IN
Detroit the other day, with Il sad and anx-
ious look, and on being asked what she
wanted, replied, I'D like some money.
''How much!" "Well, | can't say, ex-
actly How much do you generally give
out to person who wants To buy Il bead
belt?"
In Concluding an aitio!e Oh Tie last
corn crop, an Alabama editor remarked,
I'VE have on exhibition in our snctum,
a magnificent pair Of uars.
A small boy Of Bath, Maine, had Just
gone to bed the other night, when he be-
gon to dream about cows. Some slight
noise woke him up and he said, Mamma,
! | saw some COWS" "Where ?" she asked.
Up there" SAID he, pointing to the cell
/ ing. His mother remarked that that was
a queer place To see cows, and the little
fellow got slightly angry and said, ''Wcll,
/ 1 CUES, they could have been angel cows,
couldn't they