Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-07-02
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"Don't waste your time clipping off tie
branches,'' said woodman to his son,
shut lay your axe at the root of the tree. y
And the young man went out and laid his
axe at the root Of the tree, like GOOD and
dutiful boy-and then went fishing
Truly there is nothing like filial obedience
When you hear man, in the midst Of
an argument say: swell, don't pretend
to be any jude of SO and so, - you can just
bet that he does consider himself judge
of the matter under discussion, and cal
culates he knows all there is to know
about it.
s'Yon gorgeously-attired dame is the
Duchess Of what?'' asked Yankee spec
tator at royal reception at Buckingham
Palace. "She hisn't duchess hat all,
said the gold stick in waiting, ''but ear
as 'ow she be the wife Of han Iamerican
plumber
The politest man Of the times lives in
New Orleans. He went into a tobacco
nist's store, bought two cigars and said
courteously to the proprietor: eff you do
not object to the smell Of tobacco I will
smoke one of these cigars here.''
Old Mrs. Skittleworth don't know why
peoplewill make counterfeit money. She
says, II tried to pass bad half dollar
dozen times the other day, but nobody
would have it," and she thinks it is a
waste of time to make such stuff
Lille had toothache, and cried. Hel
mother wished to pacify her. 81 am a
shamed of you; 1 wouldn't be such a baby
before everybody" ooh, yes; it IS all very
well for YOU" "Wby?" because if
your teeth ache you can take them out
It is customary for the father to Civ,
the bride away at marriage, but it is The
real smart little boy brother that ''giyes
her away'' to a dozen beaux before mar
rage. So the girls say.
The modern society belle is like loco
motive; she drags train after her. But,
come to think of it, there is difference
between them; one has head light, the
other has light head.
MADAM said certain one to Mrs.
Brown the other day, 'syou are talking
simply rubbish y Eyes, sir" replied the
ever-crushing lady. "because I wish you
to comprehend me.'
An Alabama editor. in putting grocery
kept by woman, says, ''Her tomatoes are
as red as her own cheeks, her indigo is as
blue as her own eyes, and her pepper as
hot as her own temper"
$50 you don't use cards in North Caro-
llna?" The "tarheel" laughed outright.
'sLor' massy! mol" he exclaimed. "Why
we ride up to fellows fence, and boiler
to him to tie his dog, and then we light
and go in.'
When the proprietor Of seaside hotel
wants little free advertising, he opens a
few bottles of champagne and sends for
few reporters to discover sea-serpent;
and the more champagne the bigger the
snake.
The chewer who throws away a fresh
quid at sight Of an apple-barrel in front of
a grocery, and then finds wire screen
over the barrel, has only reached the first
milestone in the journey Of life.
We have generally observed that if a
man does some mighty mean thing when
he has been drinking, the liquor had
mighty mean man to work on in the first
place. Don't lay it all to drink.
A doctor went out hunting. and on
coming home complained that he hadn't
killed anything. "That's because you did
not attend to your legitimate business"
said his wife.
It is said that coon can be caught by
leaving whiskeY in its vicinity, but the
average hunter would rather drink the
whiskey and take chances on the coon.
A Chicago mans nightmare turned out
to be the shadow of his wife's foot on the
bedroom wall, instead of an unearthly
monster with five horns.
A dressmaker got mad because her low |
or serenaded her with flute. She said |
she got all the fiuting sh e wanted in her
regular business.
There is a Spanish proverb which says,
"When YOU choose wife shut your eyes
and commend your soul to God" In 9TH