The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1880-09-29
ALLEGED HUMoR.

the engineer.
| Nothing Is wholly bad. Even
dark lantern has lis bright side.
Lay up something for rainy da,
liz it is nothing more than the rheu
ma,ism.
Trusting to chants--exrecting =
get TO heaven by singing Bosto
Courier.
You can never persuade man tina
a paper that has his name in it ism
worth reading.
A brutal man in Northern cit,
advertises for stout man to hole
his wife's>tongue,
Size doesn't always count. A wo
man will.ipmp twice as high at th'
sight ofa1at as she will at seein!
AN elephant. 3
eyes," said Johnny, "Iapsus ma,
be the latin FOR slip but when mo
tber laps US it usually means slip
per-"
] Never does a man believe &c
strongly 10 the attraction Of gravita
ton as when he sits down in a chair
and finds it gone.
A beggar held out bis hand. 81
haven't cent" said the gentleman,
Il did mot specify the coin,' repond
ed the mendicant.
The spots on the sun do not, be-
gin to create tie disturbance pro.
duccd by the freckles on the daush.
ter Yopkers Statesman.
An Illinois girls toast:. "''The
young men Of America--their arms
our Supporters, our arms their re-
ward; fall in, men, fall in" ..al
Some identified exchange has dis
covered that the god Of lawyers 10
More-fee US. The god of the under
taker is probably A-pall,O!
"Now, this is what I call busi-
ness" remarked Brooklyn under.
taker, as an unfortunate gentleman
stepped into his store aud died.
When a man keeps on talking to
you after lie has said: "A word 10
the wise is sufficient" the time I
take summary vengeance has arrived.
The New York Express has dis.
covered that the colored bellies refuse
10 wear bangs because they will not
have the wool pulled over their eyes.
Dinner (snifiogly)- "Waiter, l
really tbibk this fish is not fresh 7"
Waiter-Yes, sir; can't answer for
that sir; I've only been 'ensaa week,
STRIP Punch.
Alter all other varieties of fish
we've created, Nature had two quarts
of bones left, aod IN order TO make
use OF tltetn she bcilt the shad and
told him 10 gel.
The Rev. Jasper, of Virginia, is
not only convinced that the sun
moves around the earth, but that he
has invented way of preserving
watermeions uotil spring.
The ave'age plowman isn't much
OF an orator, but when he takes the
stump and eels and gets yanked over
toto the next field he is very for
chile speaker. -[SteubenviIle Post.
CIirching conjecture: "Sissy, "Oh
whatever is it, Charliep' Charlie, II,
a''now; cuttleish, I s'pose." Sissy,
"But it's black as a coaIv Charlie,
well, p'rsps it's a coal scuttlefshv'
Funny Folks.
Seven Leavenworth doctors gath
cred around a'man who fell on the
walk. Four called it a case Of sun
stroke and the other three said it was
a fit. Along came a small boy and
proved that it was banana peel.
He appeared 10 be almost gone.
Rolling his eyes toward the partner
of his bosom, he easped, "Bury me
meath the weeping willow, and plant
a single white rose over my head"
cob, It's no use,'' she snapped out,
''Your nose would scorch the roots"
He got we'll.
1t always sounds pretty to say:
''The sun had sunk beneath the ives,
tern horizon," but a moments re-
dection shows that that is about The
only horizon be could sink beneath,
uuder the circumstances. When he
feels like sinking he always selects
The western horizon in this section.
Mrs. W.. T. Pritchard, wife Of a
we'll known turfmaD, hanged herself
N San Francisco recently, "because
her husband was short Of money"