Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-02-11
"Tis Well"

A citizen of Detroit, whose best weight
never exceeds one hundred and twenty
pounds was the other day buying a couple
| of hens of farmer in the market, and be-
fore the bargain was concluded, the two
became quite friendly, and the farmer said
he had something on his mind to communi-
cate. One of his boys had passion for
theatricals and was deslrous of becoming
an actor. The idea was so strong on him
that he had become worthless around the
farm, and the father was in peck Of
trouble to know how to turn the boys at
tention from the foot-lights to the plow-
handles.
''Spose l send him to you, and 'spose
YOU make fun and ridicule him and let him
see how foolish it isl' suggested the faith
er, and the citizen agreed. As n result of
their planning the boy walked to the citi-
zen's place Of business on Congress street
east, next morning. The father had called
HIM boy, but he weighed one hundred
and sixty pounds, stood nearly six feet
high, and had pair of hands as large
as the chrome of the Yosemite Valley. His
arrival was expected, and after few words
about the weather, the citizen querisd:
80 you think you would make an actor,
ehl"
"Yes, kinder think So" was the reply.
''What line would you takef"
''Well, kinder like tragedy"
''Tragedy. Why, you couldn't succeed
in tragedy. Look at your hands, Look
at those feet, Remember your voice I.
You'd be Missed off the stage. Don't never
think of tragedy
''How would do in a drama ?" asked
the boy.
''Not at all, in the first place your ears
are too large. Then your heels stick out
too far. Then your hands would hide half
the other actors. Don't try the drama, for
YOU will be a dead failure"
Gould do anything in cOmedy?"
''Not thing. The sight Of YOU in comedy
would be the same as the sight of hearse
on the stage. All the facial expression YOU
have is behind your ears"
'Tve thought some of being nigger
minstrel observed the boy, after a long
silence.
That's the worst of all. tell you. boy,
you'd better stick to the farm. You are
Lot cut out for an actor, and you should
drop the idea"
Couldn't | act as usherl'
''No. sir; you are too still in the knees. i"
Couldn't take tickets:"
'.Never. Your hands are too big for
that work"
Couldn't / shift scenes? z"
'.NO. You are too big and unwieldy"
There was long and painful silence.
Then the boy rose up and said:
''Well, I'm bound to 90 into theatricals
Ii can't be anything else III be the feller
that stands at the door to raise a row, and
I'll begin on you. Come over herei"
He hauled the adviser over the table,
clutched him by the small of the back and
| spun him around, slammed him against the
wall and dropped him to ge. better hold.
When the curtain rose on the next act there
was strictly private conversation going on
between Hamlet and the Ghost. and the
ghosts coat was ripped up the back and his
collar tern open. Then Hamlet suddenly
demanded IN loud voice:
"Caitif! DO you declare that I cannot
act?'
Then the Ghost lodged around the table
and replied:
NO, don't! You are all right-you
are a splendid actOr-you can't help bu:
win!n
''AEd you'll tell my father SOP"
81 will-you bet will!'
''If YOU don't"
Here Hamlet took three steps forward,
two back; scowled his fiercest, and the
Ghost jumped behind the stove and vowed
that he'd even pay $50 for a private box on
The night of the debut.
''Tis well. - said Hamlet, and he went
over on the market to see if he could sell
three pecks of onion sets for cash down.