The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1880-03-05
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it -Acta Columbiana
e Domestic Kissing the maid.
:. Domestic blister-When your wife Sc,
e you.
The fashionable society wedding
described as being sitter than printin
office towel. impossible -Lockport u
. ion.
When a bashful Hamburg lover begin
to hitch his chair little nearer the idc
OF his affection, can it be properly calle
Hamburg edging.
Deaflady--"What's his name?" Youn,
lady-"Augustus Tyler" Deaf lady
Ellza you must be making fun of me-"
| ~ is, perhaps, natural to conclude thai
rather Time is married, not because he
Is called Father, but because he is often
taken by the forelock.-Andre,es Bazar,
An Ohio girl sued man for breach Of
promise, apd proved him such mean
scoundrel, that the jury decided she ought
to pay him something for not marrying
her.
| A city broker visiting country lady
and wishing to increase her knowledge
of affairs, asked her if she knew what
watering stock" meant; to which she re-
piled, "Of course | do; it is giving the
cows drink"
The Cincinnati Commercial remarks
with emphasis "that uneasy lies the head
hat wears a crown" is an absurd express
sion, because no sensible king ever goes
to bed with his crown on. He always
hangs 1t on the back of chair with his
vest.
A Pittsburg editor has been found
guilty of libel and sentenced to paw a
fine of one thousand dollars and be i'm
prlsoned for one year. and thus the grim
question of how he was to get throuob
the winter is solved Sparrows and edi-
tors are watched over.
Over fifty million postal cards passed
through the mails last year. 1t is one of
the rigidly enforced duties ofpostal clerks
to read every one of those cards. and vet
the unthinking public affect to believe
that these servants of the people are over
aid.-Rockland Courier.
Iowa women want to be elected to the
Legislature. When they are elected there
Will be some fun in staying up half the
night in committee rooms, and the mem
Der who tells his wife that the committee
was In session, as an excuse for late
hours, need say no more.-New Orleans
Picayune.
While General Grant is in Mexico he
Will have an opportunity to study the
beauties of a country that is strongly
opposed to third term. In fact. it is
only about once in two Thousand wears
that Mexican president is permitted to
his first term -Burlinqton
Haaokeye.
The Queens speech in Parliament is
never column in length, while the
Presidents message generally fills an
,ntire page of daily paper. And yet the
has got abroad that women
re the greatest takers. The newspapers
hould support a woman for the Presden-
y.-Norristo,un Herald.
PLEASANT FOR JENKINs.--Little Nellie
vas looking at some pictures of wild ami
nails when Mr.. jenkins called, and APP
'ealed to that gentleman to explain one
If the pictures. "That is wild boar,
md the little lady looked at it thought
ully and replied: ''It doesn't look like
,ou, does it, Mr.. Jenkins ?" II hope not"
the guest. "Why?'' BE
ause," said the artless infant, mamma
aid when your card was sent up, THERE'S
hat did bore Jenkins again. !"
A man, whose countenance was home
y enough to scare Quaker, was loung-
ng around public house, when he was
bserved by Yankee, who asked him if
le had met with an accident when he
vas young. "What do you mean, you
mpertinent scoundrel 2" "Why, didn't
mean nothin', only you've got such an
Illfired crooked mouth, | thought as how
you might falln into the brook when
you was boy and your mother hung you
Up by the mouth to dry.
No ApoLoGY.-A Chicago clergyman
began recent sermon with the follow
ng story of a man who was noted for his
lgliness: Being at party, he had taken
10 part in the dance, as his hostess had
ONE difficulty in providing him with
,artner. AT last She led up to him
rim and aged spinster, at the same time
few words of apology in
lis ear. "Oh, you needn't make any
pology" said he, jumping up with alac
ity; ''any old thing is good enough for
Emma" said bondholder whose t
urse held more than his head, at is time s
Or you to marry. Your mother and | {
ave chosen neighbor Green's son, and
he affair progresses favorably." "But | |
ont love him; don't respect him, and t
won't marry him." cried Emma what
osh," answered the enraged parent. So
ou, too, have got hold of those new no t
ions. Just look at your mother and me.
Did we ever respect each other, | should
Ike to know; did we ever love each {
ther? And yet we've lived together
or fifty years and I'm worth million" '
If an editor omits anything, he is lazy,
f he speaks of things as they are, people
re mad. If he smooths down the rough
bribed. Ifhe calls things by {
heir proper names, he is unfit for the posi-
ion of an editor. If he does not furnish
lis readers with jokes, he is a mulet. If !
le does. he is rattlehead- lacking stabili-
V. If he condemns the wrong, he is a
ood fellow, but lacks discretion. If he
cts wrong and injuries go unmentioned,
le is a coward. If he INDUCES in person
lities, he is blackguard if he does not,
lis paner is dull and insipid.