The Portland daily press., 1880-10-27
CONFEDERATE x ROADS,
(Which is in the State Nv Kentucky
a 4

October 10, 1880.
The Cross Roads met at the meetin-house
the mite after the October eleckshun. 1t wuz
pertikerly gloomy meetip, the most espesh-
~ gloomy | hev ever witnist. Melindy Po-
gram and Hammer McPelter he'd spent the en-
tire day in preparin the house for the occa-
shen. They draped the skulls NV the Yoonyun
soiers killed at Fort Piller in five cent bomba-
zine, folded the Confedrit flag, witch is our
pride, in mournin, and run stripes of black
calker all over the house. The pictures NV
JEFF Davis and Boregard wuz likewise draped
and only two candles wuz put upon the pull
pit.
The exercises wuz opened by singin this
hymn witch adapted for the occashun:
plunged in gulf of dark despair,
We wretched sinnersl lay,
The niggers votid everywhere,
Upon election day.
After witch read EN- the follerin
VALE Nv ANGIsH:
"a DimekIatic man is NV few days and very
full NV trouble.
He goeth forth to the polls smilin in the
mornin, and returneth at mite full NV wounds
and brooses and petrifyin sores.
The Dimekratic party is too short at both
ends.
1t is harlot that dresses too low in the neck
and too short in the skirts.
1t is weak in the middle and no strength
abideth at the top or bottom.
The Lord is agin the Dimokrasy.
In vain we prayed for short crops and in
vain our supplicashens went up for rinderpest
and hoof-rot among the cattle on a thousand
hills.
In vain we implored for potato rot and po-
tato bugs, or anything else that wood distress
the Yank and make him howl for change
In vain we invoked the aid of the weevle
and the Hessin fly, and the chintz bug, and
army worm, that the husbandman should
curse the Administrator and turn to US.
Lo the more we prayed for distress the more
there wuz prosperity.
The crops were good, and the prices there
for bully, and what kin Dimekrat do when
there is no trouble?
We preached hard times and they shook
gold and silver under our noses.
We said to the laborer, 10, you are oppressed,
and he jeered, shown Nv us savins' bank
book.
The smoke NV the furnace was to us the
smoke of the torment.
The clang NV hammers, and the wheeZe NV
the engine wuZ our funeral knell.
We sent Blackburn and other brigadeerS to
the north, but the people put their tongues in
their cheeks and wagged their heads in deri-
sion.
We sed 10, we hev yoonyun soljer for our
candidate.
And they ansered, sayin, verify he hez
changed his uniform.
They shattered Greedy and they hev cracked
Hancock between their thumb nails.
We offered EN- free trade and they answered,
sayin give us tariff.
We offered EN- soft money but they replied,
Sayin no soft money in ourn.
We offered to take the government off their
hands, but they sed it was dom very well now
thank 700.
Gone is the postofices, and the custom-house
shell never know us again.
Gone is the hope NV penshuns and the pay
ment of our war claims.
Bascom will either hev to shut shop or FORE
close on our farms.
For his chalk is out, and talk is cheep, but
hkker costs money.
The moonshiners will be hunted in the
mountins and the dweller on the plains will go
athirst
The niger Lubbock will continner in the
postoffis, and Pollock from Iilinoy will sit at
the recet Nv customs
And Joe Bigler will yet be his deputy and
vex the people,
wher shell fly? wher is the rock that shell
hide me?
To Moo Jersey? The Radikels will kerry
that
To Delaware? They are reechin out ther
impIous hands tor that.
To Florida? That will swell the vote foS
the feend Garfield?
To Mississippi? The niger will vote in tina
state next yeer, and it will be no place for met
To Arkansas? Ez goes Mississippi so will.
she.
The niger will vote, and he will ask wage
for his laber.
Af..l nc xxifa xrill OF ho a,rry, onin
doter.
We shell not sell them ez paupers to the
highest bidder, and they will own land, and
mules and SIGH.
We shell see skool houses in the South and
preachers, and other abominashens.
And who kin tell? We may hev Rollin
Mills and SIGH things in the Corners
For when the shivelry is bustid what is to
prevent the Yank with his money from comm
down and pcssessin the land?
We are helplis.
To beg we are ashamed and thar amt moth
in here to steel.
We Good hev wurried along with the Post
0ffises but they are gone.
In the yally NV the sh oder sit we and thar
amt no ladder by witch we can cline OUT
After weepin an hour the meetin dispense d,
an re-sssembed sadly at Bascom's.
Civ us drink" sed the Deekin in fall
trim voice.
"Show me yure MUMMY" wuz the onfeelin
reply. II he'd ruther keep the likker than to
sell II Ter promises. Gentlemen, cash is the
roo frum this time OUT
And ez he wuz infexibe, an thar wuzn't a
do'iar IN the party,-we sot parched to the very
ntrales
Il. AMER Gavitt wuZ the fust to break the
lence.
"My line Nv policy is clere. shell jine the
Repubik Us an put in fer an offs"
II wuz ez eff the sun he'd risen an wuz a
streemin thru the cracks in therruff.
$50 will l." sed NJ Pelter.
An they all sed the same thing.