The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1880-09-17

1t is doubtless too early tor pla
statement of the facts to quiet the e.
element In Mr.. Sloper's church caust
by alleged profanity INDUCED in
that estimable gentleman during the Sc
vices at his church one recent Sund,
morning. We trust, however, to set hi
right with those who have heard only
one-sidod and exaggerated statement
the matter. 1t seems that Mr.. Stop,
on the morning in question had dor
the chores, eaten breakfast with h
family and held family prayers, who's
accustomed length and fervor were opl
interrupted by the thoughtless act {
Tom Sloper, his son, who was ovel
tempted by fine opportunity to gras
the tail of the family tabby, thereb
causing moment of explosive remor
STRANGE on the part of the animal. Al
ter laying Tom across his knees an
communing with him in that position
by way of reproof, Mr.. Sloper shave,
and dressed himself in readiness 70
church, and then, while waiting for tn
rest of his family to prepare, he sat dow
in the easy chair with the family bibl
in his lap and soon fell into a Sigh
doze. At this time it is believed tina
the devil entered into the heart of Ton
Sloper, and he conceived fell and at
trocious design against his parent. l
is well known that Mr.. Sloper's heat
above the narrow fringe of hair over hi
cars, is beautifully smooth and polished
Tom went into the pantry and dipped
his finger into the syrup bowl and go.
ing softly to the rear of his ancestor he
cautiously touched his Uranium a few
times in the vicinity of his bump of self
esteem, leaving slight trace of the
sweet fluid at each touch. He then
woke the old gentleman and told him
they were already to start for church.
The ride to church in the old family
carriage as accomplished without in
cident, except that the old gentleman
cuflcd Toms ears once or twice on the
way for tickling his sisters tender ribs.
Arrived at church, they ranged them
selves in the usual order in the family
pew. The day was warm and sultry,
and the minister succeeded in soothing
Mr.. Sloper into his regular nap even
sooner than usual. Straightway two
flies, attracted by the sight of Mr.. Slo-
per's bald head, alighted and inspected
the territory, much to the delight of the
Tom. They were not long in
the bonanza spread for them.
Mr.. Sloper shook his head uneasily,
when the flies rose and flew out
side of the church 10 announce their dis
covery. They flew back accompanied
by small troop of their friends, and
began to pasture. Mr.. Sloper waved
his hand gravely over bis head. The
flies kept coming. He waved faster.
The insects rose and alighted again.
They grew more numerous every min
ute, insomuch that the occupants of the
pews behind Mr.sSloper became greatly
while Tom was almost doub-
led mp in the agony of his suppressed
feelings. The flies speedily took the
form of dark cloud over MIR. Sloper's
Uranium. He moved bis hand vigor-
Dusly, but bis tormentors seemed TO
lake little notice. They would rise in
\ buzzing swarm and at once settle
again. The old gentleman was wide
awake in a short time. Finding that
gentle meaness did not avail, he so far
gave way TO his feelings as to bring his
hand down on his head with slap that
TO the farthest corner of the
church, and awoke every sleeper in it,
JVhen he raised his hand few mangled
flies were seen pIastcred to his head,
which he wiped off in some confusion.
Still the insects came until it seemed
as though every fly within mile of Mr..
Sloper had come to the feast. lie be-
came restless. Much to the delight of
the younger portion of the congregation
present, and somewhat to the astonish-
ment of their elders, he brought his
hand down frequently and smartly, and
every slap revealed few dead flies
sticking to his skull. For the whole
the interest in the sermon
was utterly absorbed in the far greater
interest felt in Mr.. Sloper's combat with
the misguided flies. The minister
himself lost his place once when a more
than usually vigorous slap by Mr.. Slo-
per drew his eyes to the singular scene
so long that the thread of his discourse
slipped from his memory. But none
of his hearers noticed it, nor would they
have done so if he had stopped altogeth-
err. Some wicked young men in the
gallery began to make bets on the eff
cheney of Mr.. Sloper as fly killer as
compared with wire traps and fy-pa-
per. AT last, in the anguish of his in.
cflcctual struggle, Mr.. Sloper so fan
forgot himself and his christian profes.
sion as to ejacnlate audibly, "D- Il
them flies!" At this awful word Dea,
con Fodder, who occupied the seat be-
hind MIR. Sloper, arose, and taking the
old gentlemen by the arm, led him on
into the vestiDule, the flies following a,
if attracted to his head by a powerful
magnetism. Here the good deacon at
tempted to demonstrate against hi
brothers wickedness, but Mr.. Slopei
was wrought up to such pitch O
wrath that he offered to fight the deacon
then and there, telling him he didn'
C re two skips of flea for all the dea
cons in creation. The deacon, unlik
the flies, prudently refreated, leavin,
Mr.. Sloper hopping up and down, slap
ping his skull with vigor that threat
ened serious consequences to that use
full receptacle. The services ende
shortly, and Mr.. Sloper's old plug ha
was brought out to him, thus fOiling hi
tormentors and concealing the CORY ev
dences of carnage which lay thick upo
his top. The Sloper family departe
homeward, the old man regarding
with look of stern suspicion the uttel
lv Intellectual attempts of the blissfr
Tom to conceal his happiness by stuf
ing his coat.fail into his mouth.
Notwithstanding the patent and un
versally recognized fact that Mr.. Slope
had ample provocation for his actor
and his language on the OCCASION referre
to, charges have been preferred again
him by Deacon Fodder and few otht
members, principally maiden ladie
and his expulsion from church is II,
altogether improbable. The'attempt
a few well-meaning friends of the O
gentleman to explain that he w
really abiding to the stream of fiji
which kept coming upon him, and tn
the Objectionable monosyllable was res
ly only prayer TO his neighbors
dam the said stream, thus using a We
harmless word in very harmless sens
though very ingenious, seems to
l looked upon with little favor. So al
is the plea that the sin of his langua
is in some degree abated by his go
: deed in destroying so many flies. Il
: truly christian uprightness of his j
;, previous to the fatal Sabbath is {