The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-01-26
plseenragIpE a Youth.

Detroit Free Pres.
A citizen whose best weight never ex
ceeds 100 pounds was the other day buyiu,
a couple of hens OF q farmer on the mar
ket, and before the bargain was concluded
the two became quite friendly, and the far
mer said he had something on his mind t.
communicate. Ono Of his boys had pas
sion for theatricals and was DESTROYS OF be-
coming an actor. The idea was so strong
in him that he was worthless around the
farm, and the father was in peck Of
trouble TO know how to tHrn the boys at.
tention from the footlights to the plow-
handles.
''S'pose l send him to you, and s'pose
you make fun and ridiCule him and let
him see how foolish it Isl" suggested the
father, and the citizen agreed. Asa result
OF their planning the boy walked into the
citizens place OF business, on Congress
street east, next morning. The father had
called him boy, but he weighed about
100 pouads, stood nearly six feet high, aud
had u pair OF hands as large rs e chrome
OF the Yosemite Valley. His arrival was
expected, and after few words about the
weather the citizen queried:
$50 you think you would make an &C.
tor, eh?"
"Yes, kinder think So" was the
reply:
"What line would you take?"
well, kinder,like tragedy"
Tragedy! Why, you couldn't succeed
in tragedy. Look at your hands. Look
at those feet. Remember your voice.
You'd be Kissed of the stage. Don't
never think of tragedy"
"How would do in drama?" asked The
boy,
mot at all, in the first place your ears
are too large. Then your heels stick out
too far. Then your hands would hide
half the other actors. Don't try the
drama, for You would be a dead fail.
ure." Gg
Gould I do anything in comedy?"
mot a thing. The sight of you in com.
edy would be the same as the sight OF a
heane on the stage. All The ia.
cial expression you have is behind the
ears"
"I've thought some Of being a niger
minstrel," observed tho boy, after long
silence. ~,
That's the worst OF all. tell you, boy,
you'd better stick to the farm. You are
not cut out for an actor, and you want to
drop the idea"
Couldn't l act as usher?n
No, sir; you are stiff in the knees"
Couldn't take tickets?"
"No. You are too big aud unwicldly."
There was long and painful silence.
Then the boy rose up and said:
"Well, I'm bound to go into theatrcals.
Ii can't be anything else I'll be the iel.
Ter that stands at the door to raise row,
and I'll begin on you. Come over here!
He hauled the adviser over the table,
clutched him by the small OF the back and
spun him around, slammed him against
the wall and dropped him to get better
hold. When,the curtain rose on the next
act there was strictly private converse
ton going on between Hdmld and the
GhoSt, and the ghosts coat was ripped up
the back and his collar torn OPEN. Then
Hamlet suddenly demanded in loud
voice:
"oatitrl do you declare that 1 cannot
Then the Ghost lodged around the table
"No. don'tl You are all right-you
are q splendid actor-you can't help but
winl'
"And you'll tell me father SOP"
81 will-you bet / will"
at you don't ~" !.
Here Hamlet took three steps forward,
too back; scowled his iercest, and the
Ghost jumped behind the stove and vowed
that he'd even pay $50 fot private box
on the night Of the debut.
"'1fs WE'LL" said Hamlet, and he went
over on the market to see II he could sell
three pecks OF onion seeds for cash down.