The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-01-13
HUMOROUS.

WOULDN'T BET ON A SURE TuINa.-
At an early hour Randolph street sa-
loon keeper, in Detroit, was called to
walt upon a customer who had lost an
eye, suffered broken nose, ard was
otherwise spoiled to take the part of
Apollo on llfe's stage. He was stran-
ger, bat he was very easy to get ac-
qnalnted with.
"What kind of folks have You got
IN this town 2" he suddenly inquired as
he slipped his beer.
"Wcll, a purity good lot, l guess"
was the reply.
''Rather soft, | guess" continued
the stranger. | might have made ten
dollars just now if it wasn't for my
contounued conscientious sCruples.
Hang it! | wish could be little of,
like most other men, but | can't. 1t
wasn't born in me to be tricky.
"IIow's that?" said the saloonist.
"Why, there's chap in saloon
just above here who thinks he's smart.
lie wanted to bet me that the windows
in the back end of the Board of Trade
building contained SIX paneS of glass
to 4 window. lie bluifed mo all
around the room and shook a ten right
under my nose, but my conscience
wouldn't let me bet ON Il sure thing.
II hadn't been strictly honest could
have taken his money as slick as
grease"
GLOW"
"Why, my partner puttied in all that
glass, and there's eight paneS to Il
window. L knew it all the time, and
could have bet Oh sure thing, you
SEQ. 1 sometimes wish HADN'T been
brought up SO strict, but perhaps 1t is
the bast way"
Just then a second stranger dropped
IN. Seeing No. he hauled out ten
dollar bill, shook 1t ut him and sneer-
i"glY said: ..' sH-r.<. -
You must be a taffy sort of chap {!
When say anything Pm willing to
back it, but you sneak around the
woods!
"Inevcr bet on sure thing! calm-
ly replied the other. elf took your bet
L should simply rob you of ten Collars,
ana my conscience would never let me
rest"
"l'll tell you what I'l do" said tho
saloon keeper, carelessly-"IIl make
little bet with you. l think there
are eight pancs to Il window; Pm will
ing to bet ten dollars there are"
After considerable "clawing off" the
money was put up and the two walked
to the building to count the pancs.
There were only four to II window, and
yet it took the saloonist an hour and
Il half to get the trick untanglcd so that
he could comprehend it.
How He Gor RID OF HIM.-An Irish
M n bought coupon ticket on the
Scota Valley Railroad for Cincinnati,
and when he had taken Il seat In the
smoking car lighted pipe with 1t.
When Conductor Chapman went
through the train to collect the tickets,
he asked the Irishman for his fare.
"Shurc and | paid tho oigent at Ports
mouth for a ride to Circinnoti, and Pin
after going there" "But produce
your ticket, or pay yonr fare" said
Chapman. "I'ye paid me fare, sur,
and Pm the boss man in Sciota county
came from the best county in ireland,
aud, by gum, l am going to ride on
these kccrs. You jist telegraph back
to Portsmouth and ask the oigent if he
didn't sell Dennis Mccarthy a ticket
for Cincinnoti." Chapman hit upon
the following cXpedient; AT LucasVille
lie told Dennis that he would telegraph
to Portsmouth and SEQ If matters were
as he represented. At that station
Chapman told the engineer to "open
her wide" when he saw the Irishman
and himself enter the telegraph Office.
The conductor followed the man into
the telegraph Office. and, rs the train
started, jumped on the rear platform,
leaving the irishman rubbing his eyes.
THE young folks were talking about
mistakes in COurtship. when Uncle
Job broke in with the declaration that
"there was not any such thing; for -
said lie, "nobody ever makes any mis-
takes worth mentioning in courtship.
It's after the courtshlp's over and the
lovers have been married that the
hnrtful mistakes bogin." "Well, un-
cle," said one of his pretty nleccs,
"what's the moral Of all thatn' "The
mora. !" exclaimed Uncle Job. "What
is tho moral? "Why s'poso the NOR
al is, keep on courtin'"
THERE arc more watches worn in the
United States than in any other coun-
try, OF course they people have a
better time. "
who follows the fashions so closely
that she will not eat oysters unless they
are scalloped.
THE difference between a pocket
measure and vegetarian is: One is a
foot rule, and the other is a rool fool.
Is the knot in the porker's tail pie
sty.
A TIE Egame-Marriage.
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