The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-04-03
VARIETY.


'sNihaiss7 Pooh - said the Gar. ''ous OF
nothing nothing cOmes"-when bang went his
dining table.
little girl read a composition before the
minister. The subject was, "a cow" She weav-
ed in this complimentary sentence; ''The COW is
the most useful animal IN the world except relI-
gion."
John, we won't have enough potatoes for din
ner with 50 much company; what shall we do =
s'Tell them we've lost our pOtatO-masher, and the
girl had to jump on them They won't ask for
any," said John
'sPapa, what makes some printers always
drink so hard p said wise little Johnnie, the
other evening. IL thought they always drank
easy enough, growled the old man, as he looked
up from the evening paper
The new coOk-''Well, I declare Here I've
been and give guineas for new dress to
keep up the rspectabiity OF the 'ouse. and here's
missIs, in a dOwdy thITty-shiing 'Ulstrer.
comm from that there Ladies, Cooperative
Economical Millingery Association Punch.
..Why am 1 made q sandwich ?" said young
Snobson plaintiveIy, as a lady sat down either
eide OF him in the hOrse-car. because we are
better bred than you are" said Of the damsels
sweetly, and SnobsOn mustard courage to squeeze
out to the pIatform.-B0SfOH Commercial BU-
IeLin.
Joseph Cook once remarked that ''the aggrega-
ton Of biOplastic germs evidences an irresistible
tendency to cOrrelate the mOlecule5 infersc
ratio to the capillary process OF differentiation.
s'You don't need to 20 out, said she, as he
began TO rise at the close of the second act; 81
have provided for the contingency; and she
brought out Of her pocket handful OF roasted
coffee And he wondered at such penetration
Emerson says a man ought to carry a pencil
and note down the thoughts of the moment
young man who bought silver pencil to be de-
voted TO that purpose only, carried It seven years
before he discovered there was No lead in it.
A school teacher recently electrified her pupils,
who were annoying her with questions, by say
ing, Children, am engaged" Seeing the gen
eral look Of astOnshment, she added, ''but not
to any fool of man, - and the excitement died
away.
.swelI, Ethel, dear, said an uncle to his little
fve-year-oIa niece, Elf you like your new toy
come and put your arms around my neck and
give me kiss The little maiden complied; but
az she did so, she remarked: ''Oh, uncle, how l
do spoil you :"
A mean man put sixteen hornets in a whisky
bottle and gave il to n Texas man in the dark TO
take drink cot Of It, and though the hornets
got in their work they went down, the Texan
remarked that 1t wasn't real Texas whisky as it
lacked FIRE.
Pat-''Well, Dan, and have We heard the news
have ye heard that Rory the miller's deadP ~
Dan-'sROry the miller Is 10 that's dead now
Jabers, but ye don't say 50, and he was a young
man too" Pat-aFaith, an that's threw for We,
Dan. he was such young man, now, that ex-
pected to see him at my own funeral instead OF
me going to his
The chief Of Virginia paper having had no
angry men come in to club him for some months,
discharged bis fighting editor, as he thought be
didn't need him, and the same day he was cow
hided seven times aud chucked through every
window in his sanctum. Folks found out that
they wouIdn't have to see the fighting man.
The editor Of the Mount Sterling (Ky.) SeoreheT
had call the other night from 200 masked men
who requested him to publish their warning
against the hOrse-thieves Of the country. lie said
it wus against his rule to publish anonymous
communications, but he thought he could make
an exception in this instance.
straight where she ssrayet with stride he strode.
sal sighed ne on the sod and said
..Say, see sigh and sue You so
She had no heed. but hid her head
1Iaud's mood the mud of mead made mad
No answer knew she now but . Mo-
-KaHsas Clty TTneS.
St, Luke tells that Zaccheus sought to see
Jesus, bot .'esuld not for the press We sus-
pect, however, that these people who had secured
all the front seats were no legitimate members Of
the press at all, but few Of that innumerable
army Of dead beats who give the press bad name
by crOwding into any and all places where some
thing be got for nothing, and whose only
contributions TO the press are to the press waste
basket
One likes to be cheered in the sometimes dis
NAL path Of life, and encouraging word now
and then costs little ana - worth great deal.
els that charcoal which you have in your wagon
said a gentleman TO a cart driver. The driver
whipped up his horses, drove across the and
had visions OF brisk business as he answered
eyes sir. THAT is right continued the bland
old gentleman. as he walked of; ''always speak
the truth and people will respect you
Clergyman-''I wish to complain, Mrs. Dig
gins, OF the conduct Of your daughter at the Sun
day-schOol to-day; it was rude in the extreme. -
Mrs. DIggins-''Ah, it's what they teaches her
at that tbeer public school dun it yesterday
she come home, and she says: Mother they are
attaching Of me vulgar frax-shuns.' What can
you expect after that, sir?''
lovers sat beneath the shade,
And un2 the other said:
Il that you be9
Have smiled upon this suit Of mine
H5a heart ii palps for you
Thy voice IL mu6 melody
-Tis 70 be thy loved !, p
Say, Oy uymph, wilt marry mer'
Then iisPed the soft q" Why. I3ly -
= zE1EzxET