The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-02-25
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.
One has only to die to be praised.

ONE has only to die to be praised.
How TO acquire shorthand-Fool
around = buzz saw.
IT is the man with the rheumatic SIN
who is every inch s King.
EVENTS are not in our power; but It
always isto make a good use of even
the worst.-BerEeley.
IT is said that a child born on Christ
mas will always hate turkey and goose,
and lean toward Goldfish and bacon.
AN Ithaca little Cir, attempting to
describe an elephant, spoke Of It as
that thing that kicks up with is nose.
AS MANY women learn to know thei;
husbands, they wish they had learned
to "No" them when they were only
sweethearts. i
The naughty boy that sticks pins in
hls family pew must feel that there is a
painful necessity for a religious upris-
ing among his relatives. e& 3s
SYMPATHY m near and speaks
low. 1t does. not shout through q tin
trumpet and hail a mourner from the
top of a passing omnibus.
lNrural Germany very small men are
in special request as servants, because
their military services would not be de-
manded in special emergency.
The Galveston Ne1vs saws that
Shakespeare was married when he was
L18, Dante at %, Brigham Young when
he wa 18, 10, 20, 81, %, %, "a and SO
on.
Thin GINGERBREAD.-Boil one quart
molasses twenty minutes; add imme-
diately one tablespoonful soda, one cup
OF butter, ginger to taste, flour to make
q paste to roll.
BEFORE the invention of pins both
exc used ribands, loop-holes, laces
with points and tags, clasps, hooks and
skewers OF brass, silver and gold. They
were made in England in 1913.
MAMMA to Isabel a years of age)
who is rather numerically teasing the
kittens-"1sabel, my child, you must
not do so. I don't like to see it," Isa-
bel-"Wen, don't look, mamma"
A coNToRr1oN1sT was performing in
q New Haven variety show when the
police made a raid. He leaped over an
officer and from a window twenty-five
feet to the ground, finally escaping.
"WHAT," asks a correspondent,
causes the hair to come out?" Before
we answer, we must know whether you
are married or single. This is impor-
tant to a true understanding of the
case. .,.
The first newspaper published in
North America was the Boston News-
Letter, commenced April "a, 1904. It
was a half sheet of paper, twelve by
eight inches, two columns on a page. It
survived se~venty-four years.
If children were taught to say
mother" instead of "ma" the blood
curdling cry of a young goat in the ad-
joining field would never cause an INK
ious parent to rush out to see what was
the matter with her darling.
A MAN who sat up four nights wrest-
ling with it ASKS this conundrum
"What is the difference between a sail
or and q fireman." Now, hold your
breath. "One plows the water, and the
other hose the water"
The most celebrated lighthouse of
antiquity was the one erected BY
Ptolemy Sober at Pharos, neal Alex
andria, Egypt, 285 B. @, It was $50
feet high, and could be seen at a dis
lance Of forty-two miles.
A GEORGIA rat was seen carrying q
full-sized ear of corn in his mouth,
while at the same time his tail was
wrapped around another larger ear
which he was dragging behind him.
Georgia always did produce some queer
old rats.
A CAMDEN On. j. paper asserts that
the following notice was found on the
door of a business firm in that city:
"To our creditors-We have busted.
AS everything else is going up, we trust
you will not feel surprised"
AN old oyster digger who had caught
billions, and eaten millions of the de-
icious bivalve, was delighted with a
dish given him at a church fair called
"oyster stew" He said it was so new
to him-he was sick of oysters.
Loa1cAL.-His Honor 49, "Prisoner,
you say you are homeless?" Prisoner
-"Yes, your Honor" His Honor
"You have no means of existence what
ever?" Prisoner-"No, your Honor"
His Honor-"Very well. [Aftera pause
The court condemns you to pay a fine
OF S."
THE fact that little Norway has the
second largest commercial feet in the
world is alleged to be entirely due to
the fact that villages pool their saw
ings to build or buy a ship, instead of,
as here, putting them into a savings
bank to provide fast horses, etc., for q
delinquent manager.
THOMAS WILSON, of Baltimore, left
$4,000 to the Society of Friends, and
said he would have left them more if
he thought they needed it. But he put
his largest bequest where he thought it
would do most good, namely, into an
orphanage and asylum for the poor. To
this he gave $4,000.
A CORRESPONDENT of a leading Lon
don weekly points out that there we're
in Ireland, in 1870, 526,629 tenants at
will-that is, without any certainty or
security of possession. Taking the av-
erage of each household a. four, this
gives 2,106,512 persons who are depend