Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-02
Hawk.Eyetems.

King Cotywayo is learning to read.
He'd better not. Unhappy man, he
will know what people say about him.
It makes boy mad to observe that
many people who write books are 20
ignorant they spell humble bee with
an b.
Pittsburg is going to get off with its
riot expenses for 1900 900. The next
time it feels real hungry for riot it
will order little, not too we'll done, for
Atty cents.
Charles O'Conor thinks this country
is going to the dogs. That's all right.
This is just about ithe season for sau-
sages. How will you have yours,
Charles? Ball or link9
"Ah," said old Guzzle, as the boy
came up stairs with the gallon Of beer,
"that's what I call the very pitcher of
healths." And then the whole crowd
drank to each other. all round.
The car has written an autograph
letter to President Hayes, offering to
serve as Governor of Maine. He says
he's used to that sort Of thing, now.
Fetch him over, Mr.. President.
The English laws compel the veloci-
peded idiot to carry headlight and Q
bell. They should 60 little farther,
and compel them to carry q steam
whistle, sand-box and the air brake.
William Watkins, of Madison, re-
NAMED bachelor until he was fifty
seven years old, when he married the
other day. The local papers whooped
out the headline, Another old land
mark gone"
The mayor of London, Ontario, gives
his salary to the poor. The rest of the
mayors keep their salaries themselves.
But this is probably because they are
poor mayors, so the money goes to
charity after all.
There are no cats in Greenland. But
they have q native dog that never
sleeps, and can howl hole in the side
OF an iceberg in thirty minutes, so that
AZ you would think.
kind words can never de-" How
bitterly does a man realize that terrible
truth when he sees all the kindest
words be ever saw in his life glazing
at him from his published letters in
breach of promise suit.
"Young man," said the orator, i'm
pressively, do you want to 60 down
to drunkard's grave Well" re-
piled the young man, who isn't ac-
customed to refusing, I don't care if
l do. Where abouts is your grave ?"
Credulous reader, when you see .
long article in your local payer, headed,
The ice crop failure" and predict
ing great suffering on that account
next summer, be calm, and remember
the local ice dealers forty cents q
line.
The leading actresses and opera sing
ers of America are discouraging and
abandoning the custom of wearing $780,
900 diamond necklaces ON the stage,
and in consequence the dollar stores
are going into bankruptcy all over the
country.
You never heard an Onandaga coun-
ty Indian wrestle with the beauties of
the English? Comes along q gentle
squaw looking for her wandering lord.
You seen my old man along here,
bye and bye?" "Yes, I saw him."
How long ago, frst?'
A man in Albany has invented fly
ing ship, and proposes to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean with it next summer.
Well that will do if he can't think of
any cheaper way to drown himself, but
it seems to us that he is going to q
great deal of unnecessary expense about
it.
Next fall there is going to be grand
national exhibition of decsyed booms
in this country. They will be hung up
on the wall and the people can 60
around and look at them, and think
how beautiful they we're when they
were alive and could work steam faster
than the fireman could make it.
Did you ever notice, brethren, the
bigger the woman the smaller the hat?
It's only your delicate little fairy whose
lightly falling tread scarce bends the
daisy that it falls upon, that wears q
hat as broad as coal barge, with .
cluster OF plumes nodding over it that
leaf fun.
Georgia has abolished its state geo.
logical department, and now when an
indignant householder knocks tax
collector down with stone, the help
less victim doesn't know whether he
was hit with an acreolite or fragment
of basaltic rock. And that naturally
counts against him on cross.examina-
ton.
"How do you hold this properV?"
old Taxale asked young Borromore,
wanting to know the price of his house
and lot. keep it tied with two
mortgages" replied the young man,
don't you think that ought to hold
it?" But old Taxsle looked dubious
and said he was awfully afraid it
wouldn't.
"How shall we treat the boys?"
asks writer in An educational maya
zine. Oh, don't you worry about that.
Just you call the boys up and ask them
what they'll take, and they'll render
their decisions q great deal more
promptly and more to the general sat
isfaction than you could do. Don't let
that keep you back minute.
In Massachusetts,, last year, thirteen
~vh,la a.,