Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1880-11-08

A woman cannot become a successful
lawyer. She is too fond of giving her
opinion without pay.
Spots on the son are sometimes freck-
les, and sometimes photographs of a
mothers loving but weighty hand.
Nothing so takes the conceit out of the
average man as to order his paper discon-
tinued and then see the editor going right
along and getting rich without him.
"Who was it that said it is not good
for man to live alone?" asked a Sunday
school teacher of his class. A bright boy
answered, "Daniel, sir, when he was in
the lions den.''
An American lawyer is now attorney
general of the Sandwich Islands. If in
two years he doesn't own the entire
country and hold the kings note for
large sum he is no credit to the Ameri-
can bar.
A new pair of shoes came home for
little five-year-old. He tried them on,
and, finding that his feet were in very
close quarters, exclaimed: go my! they
are so tight can't wink my toes
Ayoung lady of two-and-twenty refused
to wed a man of fifty, saying he was
neither one thing nor yet another. He
was too old for husband and too young
to hold out any hope of immediate widow
hood.
The girl that wants lot Of elbow-room
around the house is perfectly easy when
seated with her young man in buggy so
narrow that sheet of paper would crowd
them apart if it was inserted between
them.
When two women who are friends meet
on the street, they smile right there.
When two men who are friends meet on
the street, they adjourn to the nearest
the most expensive.
The Sun prints a poem every morning
and always puts directly under it the ad-
vertisement of a patent medicine which
cures cramps and collie. 1t is such Il
careful care for the health and conven-
ience of it's readers that makes the San
so valuable.-Puck.
The young husband and wife visited
the geological gardens, and as they came
to great cage of snakes he said: ''They
are perfectly hideous aren't they, and so
many of them" ''Yes, dear, fearful; and
suppose that after so much beer you see
twice as many as 1 do
A minister while marrying a couple
recently, is reported to have been discon-
certed on asking the bridegroom if he
was willing to take the young lady for his
welded wife, by his scratching his head
and saying: ''Yes, I'm willing, but I'd a
much sight rather have her sister,
A precocious boy was asked which was
the worst evil, hurting another's feel
ings or his fingers. He said the former.
'Right, my child" said the gratified lis
tener; 'and why is it worse to hurt the
feelings?" Because you can't tie rag
around them," exclaimed the dear child.
bright little boy, who had been en-
gagged in combat with another boy, was
reproved by his aunt, who told him he
ought always to wait until the other boy
''pitched upon him. 'Well," exclaimed
the little hero, ''but if wait for the other
boy to begin, I'm afraid there won't be
any fight"
A backwoods preacher once elucidated
as follows in connection with the parable
of the virgins ''In ancient times, my be-
loved hearers, it was the custom after a
couple had been married, for ten virgins
to go out with lighted lamps and meet
'em on the way home, five of these virgins
being males and five females
A Frenchman visiting this country on
being called upon to address a company
composed in large part of those whose
heads were venerable, and not alone fol-
the want of hair that characterized them,
began by saying: 81 am very embarrassed
in addressing so many barren heads, >
(barren of hair he meant). The compli.
ment was received with a burst of laugh.
ter.