Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-06-10
Odd tribes.

A place in Oregon is named China
cum.
A 5O-cent fan makes as much wind as
q $50 one.
The lawn barber has begun his sum-
mer's work.
The man who stole a March got thir-
ty-one days.
Some fiction is written just for the
novelty OF it.
The Reading railroad, it appears, is
coal corpse.
In the fur bearing animal beauty is
but skin deep.
Worth trains q dress in the way it
should not go.
Colonel Ingersoll deals in theological
oleomargarine ne.
Marriage makes the man; the woman
was maid before.
A mans appetite is. his best grip up
on the staff of life.
All watering places depend upon a
floating population.
A little rough handling will take the
starch out of q potato.
It's believed that the word "nevel"
has been crippled for life.
It is more dangerous to tread on a
unicorn than any other kind
A mule is TO physician, but he well
understands the art of heelihg.
Eli Perkins generally keeps his word,
as he can't find any body to take it.
The man who exploded with laugh
ter probably didn't know 1t was load
ed.
It's now rumored that Courtney and
Hanlan sawed Mr.. Soule's 900 In
two.
Fly time-When you hear her faith
er's heavy cane humping along the
hall.
When banks become unsteady. even
the depositor IS likely to lose his bal
ance.
Barnum claims to have the biggest
tent. How about the national can
vass?
Vassar girls never haze each other.
Their ca, are perforated before they
enter.
Whitaker must take to the lecture
platform before he Can get the ear of the
public.
The politicians are having their booms
now; tho people will get theirs In No
vember.
An aericulturalist says he believes
in common sense fertilizers. Common
scents, indeed!
A Chicago preacher says that the
Lord never prospers minister VINO
wears q mustache.
It's wise man that can recognize a
circus from the description given on the
advertising boards.
The evil that men do lives after them.
Cows likewise do not give oleOmarga-
rine until they are dead.
When some politicians are weighed
they are found wanting every Office IN
which there is a vacancy.
"Idess. said a little sis the other day,
Hif bod was here now he'd make lot
o. folks. TITS awful dusty to-day"
Tobacconists say it is injurious to
smoke cigar more than half its length.
1.-THE papers talk about civil engi-
neers,n said old Mrs. Briggs. II won
der why their amt no civil conduc-
tors.n
The man who gulps down six quarts
of ice water when he feels like the lnte-
rior of blast furnace amuses the build
er of collins.
The so-called bEsy-bee is mostly used
for tables and proverbs, but it takes an
enthusiastic hornet to adOrn q moral
and point tail.
The Vassar. girls paid their annual
visit to West Point the other day, and,
kindly admitted.
Farmers do net hear the cornstalk.
Neither do men who wear tight boots.
But there are some things which speak
louder than words.
"Icebergs are moved by wind and
currents.T explains New England
daily. We always thought they were
drawn around by oxen.
IF Gabriel reads all the obituaries on
tombstones lie will think many bodies
got into the wrong grave, when he sees
the owner ans WcTAuS IAo Coll VI AA0 Nv
gle.
The mule has met his match. II
was in Delaware. He kicked over q
beehive. He died the next day: The
little bee is never too busy to decline an
invitation to fight.
"Better keep your eyeballs on me
man, said colored delegate, reaching
down into his trousers and producing
the basis Of barber-shop. II b'long'
to de carvelry. duz."
They charge Is cents for drink
buttermilk at Key West, but as sor
of offset they f1ng the customer lou
dozen oranges and tell him to send
dray after his bananas.
Gilmore says if his anthem doesn'
suit us he write another. We all con
slider it the most devilish piece OF mu