Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1880-05-21
THE HIP POCKET.
"A Good Reason Why III. Withers Took the
Chair Home With Hin.

"a Good Reason Why 4E. Wtthers TOOK TIE
Chair Home With Hin. -,
What Is known among tailors ssas the
chip pocket Is exclusively character.
istic Of tha American species Of man.
MF.sWithe1s i not western man, and
sis wholly unacquainted with whisky,
but higrecent experience of the incom-
patibility Of hip pockets and glass bot
tles: wasvery painful and embarrassing.
He had returned to his Orange county
home from 8 brief visit to New York,
and had brought with him as 9 present
to Miss Wilson-to whom he was be-
trothed-a bottle of that remarkable &C.
ment whichsis sold by sidewalk mer-
chants, and which is BY them represented
as being much stronger than wrought
iron. It had occurred to him that this
cement would be very nice thing to
hxve in his future house, since with it all
sorts Of broken China and glass could be-
mended. for every one knows that chill
dren will break great deal of China:
On the evening of his return home he put
the cement bottle in his hip. pocket and
called Oh Miss Wilson, intending 70 offer
It TO her a. soon as he entered the house.
Mr.. Withers was ardentlJ attached to
the young lady, and when he saw her
before him he not unnaturally forgot all
about such merely earthly matters as c.
5ment. The old people welcomed him
politely, and, after few moments of con-
versation, withdrew with q. discretion
which it Is to be wished that all old peo-
pie would emulate. Being Of q frugal
m1K6, and knowing that the merciful
/ Young man should be merciful to his in
tended father-in-law in point of kerosene
bills, Mr.. Withers promptly turned down
the lamp, and proceeded to make himself
ut home.
= The bottle was stout one, and would
/ perhaps have withsteod any ordinary
pressure; but as Miss Wilson weighed full
lily one hundred and forty pounds, and as
the back OF the small rockingham was
of hard wood, it is not strange that the
bottle yielded. Mr.. Withers was SO
much interested in the weather and other
subjectssuch as usually absorb the attcn-
ton of young men in his position, that
he did not notice the breaking of the
glass, and 1t was not until an hour later
that false alarm of father in the front
hall induced Miss Wilson to flee to the
sofa, and suggest to Mr.. Wlthers the ad-
visibility of turning up the lamp.
The cement had done Its work, and
Mr.. Wlthers did not get up to attend to
the light, but requested the young lady
to,discharge this duty for him. She did
90, and then noticed his PANIED and pre-
occupied expression. TO her anxious
inquiries, he admitted that he felt a lit
tie FAINT and would like glass of water.
Miss Wilson hurtiedly went for the wa
ter,reproaching herself for beng so heavy,
and accusing herself of selishness and
want of consideration. In her absence
the man made superhuman efforts to
wrench himself loose, but the cement re-
fused to yield. When Miss Wilson re-
turned with the glass of water, he looked
SO much worse that she was really fright
ened, and he was compelled to tell her
the real state of the case.
She was practical person, and she
promptly proposed to get a tea-kettle of
hot water and dissolve the cement, but
desisted when he explained to her that
his system would not bear the applica
ton of water at the boiling point. She
then timidly suggested that.if she were
to call "pa, perhaps pa might lend you
pair" but Mr.. Withers SAID no; he could
net bear the modification of being found
IN that position by any father. 1t was
finally agreed that he should wait till a
late hour, and should then take the chair
home with him. This was accordingly
done, and had not the unfortunate young
man been arrested by a local constable,
who only discharged him when severe
4 foot rrrvvn1 that he rc% hat
chair was perfectly involuntary, his mis-
fortune might never have become gener-
ally known. When disasters such as this
are liable to happen to the wearers of hip
pockets, it becomes doubtful whether
they are not altogether too hazardous for
general use. In fact, good authorities
maintain that the hip pocket is positive
detrimental, and that an earnest and uni
ted effort should be made to secure it's
extirpation. 49,.