Connecticut western news., 1880-08-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

COIlS., -1l ,rir-rF -gsefrrrRT gt Se.V
 THR most disagreeable position in this vale of tears is that of pitcher in an ur- successful baseball nine. ,lls,qs .m S slt
 You ALWAYS hear, Of the man who draws the big prize in lottery, butt you never meet him. .-ADetr0it Free Press.
 BETS have been made in Russia that the Czar would not live a, year, and the chaps who made the bets are now living in Siberia. yyatsrie2 paa
 A, ,nTrTLE boy tanned an alligator, and the ugly reptile began to like the little fellow, not, however, until the little fel- low WAS all gone. '.,,s.lef a.s.g4, Al d o4a.
 MosT men so love work that they put off all they can till tomorrow, that they may never be out of the employment they so much delight in. -
 tgTH1i highest mark ofsestSerH aI@ohiah can give a man is to ask his friendship; and the most signal proof of her mdif- ference is to offer him hers. ,a.n antoa TANNER cocktails are all thesrage at Ocean Grove. They are made by add ing one ounce of cracked ice to three ounces of filtered rainwater.
 k IDEAS make their way in silence like the waters that, Altering behind the rocks of the Alps, loosen, them from the mountain in which they rest, s,$ is3..h ss+sv tt, THE Chinese are learning tol chew fne-cut tobacco, but they can never, spit with an American gentleman while their eyes are so much on the bias. aolsa,s '''., a,.. | 'S THE, prayer of Lahire: Y" God, do pnr | to Lahire what Thou wouldst that La hire should do unto Thee if Thou vert I Lahire and if Lahire were Thee "s s''.-
 "WHAT must do, asked mean and conceited man of a friend who kfeW him we'll, "to get a picture of the one'I love most ?" "Sit for your own portrait,
 was the reply, ina1 iOl sW9E
 l IT IS said the bottle kills fifty persons where thesun kills one. This is because the bottle has chance day and night
 while the sun gets it's work in only during the day. ew You've FARMER" Are you fond of beasts, Miss Gusherton?'', Miss Gusher
 ton-"Oh, really; MT. Pawker, ii you
 mean that as declaration, you must Il speak to. mammal ',ti1 1aEL e .7aa-~ . "IoE water coolers" are advertised, 4 but why should any one want an ice il water cooler? Ice water is cool enough. 1 What the people want in summer IS a { warm water cooleraa r,,si-.-e,,7s ..f,- xob. ! AMERICA expects every man and about A one-third of the women to talk politics ! all 2the time during the nextT four ' months el And she won't be disap- { pointed, too, neither. a..,,t.z..,.....,. < esDK. TANNERS experiment., l" says the . Taunton Gazette, Sis not new. It has
 been tried hundreds of times by the gull hble editor who wishes to publish four page paper in one-page town" !" 's'''''' iEisA WRITER advises that girls who wish
 to have small mouths, should repeat at frequent intervals during the day, "Fanny Finch fried five foundering frogs for Francis Fowler's father. ! l,.ig"rW WHAT papers off my writing desk I are you burning there?" cried an author \ to the servant girl. ''Oh, only the pa- per what's written over, sir. 3 Ihain't t
 touched the clean, was the comforting
 reply, y.s',aa ar l,f,, Fs,....., f...,. ..- Il Ar social reunion, few evenings ago, the question was asked,J" Of what sort of fruit does quarrelsome man and ! wife remind you?" The, young lady ! who promptly answered GA prickly
 pear," got the medal. @'GH
 As WENT in the garden saw five brave maids
 Sitting on five broad beds, braiding broad Il braids. '+ tAF"A .u" Fva
 said to these five brave maids, sitting on five
 Braiding broad braids: "Braid broad braids, lsri5,o brave maids" r...r ,.a.a ..fz,
 l-q,t ]" NATURE has written honest man
 on. his face," said friend to Jerrold, speaking of a person in whom Jer- rold's faith was not altogether blind. "Humph |" Jerrold replied, {" then the pen must have been very bad one" I "IF YOU are quiet, honest citizen, i. "a c1ya 0y,1 occ
 knuckles happen to be in your coat
 pockets?'' q reckon, Judge, me and the policeman must have changed coats in the scuff1e. We were very much ex
 cited" 'a'@ 9n's9sI 'sA' s.'i 'a ba5e eo1g Il TEACHER" What is score?", Pupil l,-"A, baseball record" Teacher" No, no; what mean is, how much does 8 score signify numerically? What idea does it give you That is to say, if I were to tell you that had a score of horses what would you think?" Pupil
 ".Pleas, marm, should think you was stuffin'." " t's' ,''fi''@' F'Ha' .'-o
 tsWHY is it." says a bore to 8 friend, "that you call on me and never invite
 me to call on you ?','i ~ Well, you see, !"
 replies the other, Cit is because when I go to your house and you bore me I can take my hat and go, whereas If I invited
 you to my house and you bored me I
 couldn't very well put, you out, you
 know! ., .,., -,.
 FoR many years Moses, a negro, was
 servant at the University of Alabama, and waited on the students very faith
 fully ;,bilt he was most notorious hypo-
 crite, He was on that account com
 monly called Preach" among the boys. 0po 1av ha was raaSSino a. crowd of gStu-
 dents, when one of them, out of mis-
 chief, called to him and said "I say,
 Preach, what are you going to do when
 Satan gets you?" "Wait on students
 was the ready reply. i'A"'f m ''H A PERSON with turn for curious sta
 tistics has calculated that the ten million barrels of beer reported by the brewers Congress as sold last year, would fill
 canal twenty-one feet wide and five feet
 deep, extending from New York to Phil