St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-11-19
SQuibs.

1t don't take very fast horse to
catch the epizootic.-[LOwell Citizen.
When your opponent calls you liar,
let him have the floor.-[New York
News.
Much as he loves roast beef, John
Bull is continually getting into an Irish
Stew New Orleans Picayune.
''Pm not very large man." said the
tailor, "but l measure a good deal
round the waist" bringing the ends of
the tape together at his customers me-
dian line.
If Wade Hampton is really anxious
to fight somebody, we understand that
Sitting Bull is willing to waive all diff
ferences of rank and go around behind
the schoOlhouse and knock it out with
him, that mode of discussion being di-
rectly i'll his line, as it seems to be in
the governah's, sab, by thundah, sah.-
Burlington Hawkeye.
"Have a blotting pad, sir7" asked a
peripatetic dealer, reaching out one of
those absorbents. Chow do you fas-
ten the thing on 2" enquired Jones, af-
ter turning it over and over. ''Fasten
it on ~ exclaimed the pedler, "what do
you mean 2" "Wbat do l mean 9n
cried Jones, looking up. "Youug man
I've had experience in this pad bust
ness. I've bought them for the head,
stomach and liver, and this is the first
one | ever saw with no tackle on it.
No, don't want it. Good day!n The
man saw it was no use to argue with
Jones.
"Annie," said fond husband to his
fa t,.,f al,
for last month 2" "Oh," she answered,
"only % cents" "Why, how was that ~
"Well, you see l only baked cake twice,
and therefore used very few currants."
"The handspring of Italian music in
the 18th century," says recent writer,
"was the exclusive and passionate wor-
ship of the human voice." But Italian
music has experienced a change. Its
handspring is now in a box, and is
worked with handle.
A literal minded little fellow visiting
on Cape Cod, who found the inscription
in the village grave yard, "NOt dead,
but sleepeth," ran to his mother and
said: "We must go home right off ]
, won't stay here all night, anyhow.
| They bury people here when they go tC
= sleep. | saw one of them out in thu
graveyard, and do you suppose III
, sleep here tonight and let them bury
, me2"
An elderly resident of Newton wa
e approached by an agent for cyclope
: dia. 81 guess / wont get one," said TIN
d elderly citizen, and frankly added, "
Q know l never could learn to ride one G
the pesky things."-[Danbury News.
. Lawyers are very critical. Once
r young lawyer, upon being informed {
a an attachment between young lad
Il and gentleman, inquired whether tb
gentleman was clover or the loyee
,r So an attorney in Dublin wrote a cha
" lenge to meet him Sin the four acre, /
N the same more or less"
eft If the Germans must have a renr,
rs sentative upon the Democratic count
to ticket, why slight the Dutch, who Sc
to tied this town; or the French, wi
ur were the only nation in the world WI
lent US helping hand; or the Italian
er who sing us to sleep; or the Spanis
el who engage in delightful bulI-figbt
i'll or the English, who buy our cheese
ct the Americans, who visit US alme
ok yearly; or the negroes, who are wi
us first, last and all time 7" VIII,
RS Yes, whyP A chrome of Bridgepo
b. Ct, for the first correct reply.
he A dull old lady, being told that
e certain lawyer was lying at the point
death, exclaimed, "My graciousl wo
'us even death stop that mans living ~