Northern Ohio journal. [volume] (Painesville, Ohio) 1872-1896, 1880-03-20
The National Foolishness.

The National Foolishness.
1t is the morning of the 4th of March
when we leave Greenville. The ami
versary of the day next year when -
will be inaugurated, and I will bet
money on it. While we whirl away on
the Atlantic & Great Western the fat
passenger asked me if 1 &c ever worked
out the fifteen puzzleP''
tell him, with a nameless gratitude
in my voice, that have done almost
everything else that is foolish and
wicked, but I have never become ad-
dicted to the fifteen puzzle.
Then he pulled one out of his pocket
and settled down to it. Long and pa
tiently he wrought, while the other pas
sengers helped him with suggestions
and criticisms. Presently the brake
shoulders of the crowd and looked on
and assisted. By and by the conductor
came along shouting tttikts," and he
stopped to see what was the excitement.
He pushed his punch in his pocket and
leaned up with the rest of the crowd
and told the fat passenger what to do.
The excitement ran high and half a
dozen bitter disputes arose, which were
only quelled by bitterer ones arising
over new points. The train sped on its
laundering way, and in due time it
slowed up a little and finally stopped
The conductor looked up impatiently.
"What in thunder" he said, " is
that fool stopping here forP'
Water, l reckon, or coal maybe,
replied the brakeman, without looking
up from the puzzle. t >.
"Go out and see what he wants and
| tell him to go on" said the conductor,
returning to the puzzle.
| The brakeman, after feeble protest
and one last, lingering look at the puz-
zle, which was now farther than ever
from completion, went out. In the
space of minute he came back into
the car and shouted in husky, whis-
pered, ghost of shout:
ss Meadyille! Change cars for Oil
| City and franklin! This train stops
twenty minutes for dinnerr'
! A wall of rage and disappointment
| filled the car.
Why didn't this train stop at At
lanticp'' roared the passenger with the
sandy goatee.
81 wanted to get off at Evansburgp'
howled the man with the sample cases.
/ My sister wanted to get on at At
lantic, AID 1 saw her on the platform
when we came through" shouted the
woman who talks bass.
And L. sobbed timid looking
Young man in black clothes, &c was to
have been married to girl in Geneva
to-day, and now I'll bet you a cow hel
old dad is walking down the railroad
track in this direction with shot gum
And he walled so pitifully that the
whole car howled in sympathetic uni
son. fAsr
Just then the express messenger came
storming into the coach.
"By chowder," he yelled. "Pd just
like to know what this meansP TC
like to know if the express company
has any rights on this road at all, ane
how a man is going to deliver or receive
packages when
And the mail agent pushed him ou
of the way and stood before the con
ductor in all the gorgeous panoply O
half dress and half working uniform.
"By George he shouted, "th'
Government shall be informed of thi
special agent in the State of Pennsyl
vania he will be"
But before he could say any more, {
| uaC6oChSOA O1A1O Ia eshSA oOA>
the conductor the assistant superin
tendent would like to see him and th'
engineer in his private office immedi
ately. And it was so that they went
and peradventure they danced upol
the carpet; yea, they stood in the per
: spring solitude of the sweat box.
!, The next morning the fat passenge
l beckoned me solemnly into the smok
, ing car. s'Light that" he said, and
lit it.
> ssDo you know he said, sswhen
!, went to bed last night, the walls Q
more people who wanted to get off, an
the agonized faces of the people VIII
: ! wanted to get on, in that run fror
Greenville to Meadville, just haunte
mep And 1 dreamed 1 died, an
;, went to heaven. I thought I ha
> Just fifteen brains, and all the way u
: to the gate, was trying to straighte
them out, and thought I would G
:, mad. When got up there the gat
was wide open, and all sorts of peopl
were streaming in, just as they pleased
: I hadn't the cheek to think 1 had
= right to go in without any credentia
or examination, so hung back lookin
:, for St. Peter. Presently l saw st. Pete
2 right by the gate, his head bent dow
and his eyes fixed on his knees. tol
. him my name, and where I was from
;, and asked if I might go in. He didn
- say anything and l begun to feel pretl
~ streaked. So said it again, a litt
louder. Still he made no reply. The
81 1 shook him by the shoulder for Wi
. getting pretty anxious, and begun
= tell it all over again. 1t frightened n
u when he shook me off.
!. SO, II. 4, IA, 7-oh. get out of thi
% you and your name; if you hadn't bot
% cred me I'd have got it the next move.
- "Now," the fat passenger said, sc
% emnly, 81 am never goin to fool wi
# that Gem puzzle again. Not ont
= more"
y And he fell into profound fit of a
~ straction, and we couldn't raise a laue
= from him all day.-Bob Rurdette, in t.
Burlington HdsDk-Eye.
e Battle of the Cooks.
n A remarkable incident, and ol
n | whose serious character was partial