The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-03-17
WAITS AND WHIMs.

/ w Ats AMI w A--A%ON
THE most " tony" thing in the kitchen
is the rOlling-pin, because 1T rolls right
over, even the upper-crust.
WHEN key was called for and the
| gentleman pulled out a corkscreW, some
| one remarked that that was the key that
unlocked his gait.
"BILL" is generally a whole-souled
! fellow, but when the merchant presents
him you hardly care for an introduce
| tion.
We know a man whose wife doesn't
kiss him because he smokes. She kisses
him because she loves him, It's a way
some women have.
The Massachusetts, Supreme Court
| decides that a woman is competent to
testify SIS to her own age, but 1T doesn't
tell to make them do it.
CHARACTER makes the man, says an
exchange. True, but character has
been working on time for the last dozen
| years.
Iris no consolation to man who haA
caught nothing but a dead cat and q
colo, to be told that there are as good
fish in the sea as ever were caught"
"Pm shocked, that's what I am
shOcked" as the bundle of grain re-
marked, quoting from a once favorite
operatic burlesque.
"MY ewes have lately failed me-" said
a gentleman of three score years. "There
is this difference between us" remarked
a Younger man, I" for it was my owes
that failed me-"
WHEN we hear man Dragging that
he is a self-made man, we often wonder
whv he did not ask wise man to help
him pick out better timber, before he
began to build.
IF man can't make both ends meet let
him sit down on the end of shaky bar
rel When the head caves in the prob
lem will be solved to his complete salts
faction.
The papers are altogether "too fresh"
with their stories OF canine sagacity.
What we want are few instances of
human sagacity. They would be so re-
freshingi
The advantage of having q telephone
connection with your church is that you
can listen to the sermon in bed Sunday
morning and fall asleep at just the right
places.
THE Providence Press tells of a lady
in that city, who, after atUentively ex-
amining a bust in a window, eagerly in
ouired: I" And who was this Terra
Gotta, anyway"
THE many-lived cat has found her
match at last. 1t was in birmingham.
The house was burned down, the match
was burned up, and the cats life was
put out.
THE Cincinnati Gazette says that it is
queer that so many bibles live to a
good old age, while not one pack of
Dlaving cards out of dozen sees the
second Christmas.
A FATHER said to his fve-year-old
boy, who came in late at dinner from
school, Robbie, why are you so late?
Didn't you hear the bell?' Yes,
father" replied Robbie, g but couldn't
hear it plain"
THE style for this year: Young lady
of the period" Governor, $40, please.
| am going to take gentleman to the
party tonight and want a carriage" Of
course she gets it. The little darling
Modern ArgO.
JANE GRAY SWIssHELM declares that
" this world will be grossly mismanaged
until there are as many boys born as
girls" Mrs. Swisshelm is right. That
is the only way to prevent miss manage
ment.
AN old oyster dealer, who had caught
billions, and eaten millions of the deli
ciOus bivalve, was delighted with dish
given him at church fair called
" oyster stew" He said it was so new
to him-he was so sick of oysters.
WHEN certain ignorant Justice of
the Peace had his attention called to the
particular section of the law fatty con-
tradicting his decision, he replied that
he always disagreed with the revised
statutes in that particular.
MAMMA" )" said youngster, wasn't
Adam the first man ?" Yes, my son."
replied his mother. "And was he an
Ohio manT "No, of course not.
Adam lived long before Ohio was ever
thought ef," said the surprised ma
ternal ancestor. Well, | didn't know
but / heard a man down town tell fathe.
all the first men came from Ohio, and
thought Adam must come from the
same place" The boys mother gave
him some instruction on the difference
between profane and sacred history
Herald.