The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-11-18
PITH AND POINT.
WE'LL drilled-The oil region.

WELL drilled-The oil region.
A "FIEBY steed Pony brandy.
THE Turkish position-Cross-legged.
The Postmaster sometimes stamps his
feet.
APPLE JACK is first cousin to james
Jams.
"MANY are called but few are chosen"
to occupy political office.
"THIs is n perfect windfall to me-" as
the apple said when the gale shook it
down.
"THE suspense is over r. as the Sheriff
said when he cut down the criminals
body.
"MY burden is light" remarked the
little man carrying a big torch in tho
procession.
The boys of Utah, we learn from the
Salt Lake Tribune, boast of the number
OF their mothers.
A PAPER speaks Of meteor "about
as large rs n basket" The tail must
have been as long as piece of string.
LIvIs Of grocerymen remind us
They make their starch half lime,
And with sugar wholly blind us,
futtlnR sand IN all the time.
MANY a book agent and canvasser has
discovered that the "welcome on q
door-mat refers to the third house around
The corner.
A MAN has invented n chair that can
be adjusted to 800 different positions. 1t
is designed for boy to sit in when he
goes to church.
CICERO said "Nothing should be
done hastily" The old chap was wrong
III you see n man coming at you with an
AZ get away as hastily az Won "nn.
A SHADE of sadness crosses the face
of the poet when he reflects that the
average age of the hog is only Is years.
$50 young" he mutters to himself $50
fair"
THE reason why the old Norwegian
poets are not more celebrated is because
their names cannot be handed down to
posterity without breaking. .-New Or
leans Picayune.
A PRovIDENT uncle reproached his ex-
travagant nephew. "You have spent
everything you had, unhappy boy y
Except my debts. uncle. You cannot
reproach me with having spent them T.
answered the unabashed youth.
"'PEARs to me your mill goes awful
slow" said an impatient farmer boy to a
miller. "I could eat that meal faster'n
You grind it. "How long do you think
You could do il, my lad?" .quoth the
miller. "Till 1 starved to DEATH" an
swered the boy.
LAWYER G. '(entering the office of
his friend, DIR. NJ, and speaking in
a hoarse whisper)-"F Fred, I've got such
n cold this morning that can't speak
the truth" DIR. M" Well, I'm glad
that it's nothing that will interfere with
your business"
CHEMISTRY recitation Professor -
"What is water Student Water
is an article used by some as a drink. "
Professor, interrupting = "Can You
name any Of its properties?' ?' Student
-"Well, it occasionally rots boots. "
EIeunt onlnes.
FITTING emblems are not always ap-
preciated. The neighbors of poor fell
low who died erected tombstone to his
memory and had placed above it the
conventional white dove. The widow
looked at it through her tears, and said
at was very thoughtful to put it there.
John was very fond of cunning, and it
was an especially-suitable emblem"
DURING the last session of the court
at -, Wis, Lawyer Blank had been
trying for two long hours to impress
upon the minds of the jury the facts OF
the case. Hearing the dinner-bell, he
turned to the Judge, and said, "Had we
better adjourn for dinner, or shall i
keep right on?" Weary and disgusted,
his Honor replied, "Oh, vou keep right
ON, keep right on, and ,oe will go to din
ner."-Harper's Monthly.
SOMETIMES, not often, when the days are short
And peaceful sits the bulldog by the gate,
Her papa gives a sudden, gloomy snort,
Remarking that the hour is rather late.
The drowsy murmur Of his awful boot;
Grabbing my yellow ulster Ike pail
get running start and of scoot-
Sometimes.
Sometimes, not often, does the faithful dog
Forget 10 keep the scat Of my striped pants;
Ho seems 10 know when would be incog,
And never gives me more than half chance.
From far-on days an echo wanders by
That makes n discord in the Christmas chimes
i take the drst street car I see and try
To think that other fellows have to climb
Sometimes.
HE gracefully accepted: "I assure
you, gentlemen" said the convict upon
entering the prison, "that the place has
sought me, and not I the place. My
own affairs really demanded all my time
and attention, and may truly say thai
my selection to fill this place was an en-
tire surprise. Had consulted my owl
interest should have peremptorily de
clined to serve, but, as am in the hand.
Of my friends, I see no other course bu
10 submit.
Pillows.