The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-05-28

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the novelty of it.
The arab who invented alcohol died
900 years ago, but bis spirit still lives.
Shakespeare says, "Joy's soul lies in
the do;ng." Mans soul often ''lies" in
the promise to do.
The rain falls on the just and the
unjust. But not on the man who has
Just stolen an umbrella.
It was au Arkansas man who said
that "the Lord is usually on the side
of the man who holds four aces"
Here, now, the Philadelphia Bulletin
says: "Gladstone's Cabinet is furnish
ed with splendid Ex-Minister."
The truthful London Truth says ::
''No woman ever yet achieved repu-
talon for beauty without more or less
deserving it."
We hear of man who has made a
fortune by attending to his own busi-
ness This is authentic. But then he
had few competitors.
The word "boom" has reached En-
gland. Now maybe they'll wish they
hadn't sent us that ''hardly ever" con-
trlvance. Revenge is sweet!
4 burglar alarm is good thing.
1t lets you know of the approach of the
burglar in time to hide under the bed
before he can come up ard gag you.
1t is remarkable how many beauti-
fully written editorials appear i'll country
papers, beginning, Gas an exchange
aptly remarks"
This is the season of the year when
young people go to the woods and eat
truitcake ard pickles out Of the same
plate. The proper name for these ex-
cursious is picbics.
The present and ever popular style
of making love while holding on to the
gaze sweetly obtained at the time
Romeo predicts OF Benyolio 'Thou
will prop gate y"
Girls, of the Saturday Night, says ::
"When a woman runs after street
car, waving her handkerchief wildly,
the conductor knows well enough what
the wild waves are saying"
Horatio Seymour says he never
heard any orator who could surpass iu
eloquence the urtaught Indian Mr..
Seymour may not know it, but the
untutored red man is equally handy
with bottle of viii sky.
He-"Why, you see, the fact is, my
dear, l knocked your medieval teapot
off the top shelf ana broke She
"Oh, my prophetic soul My teapot ?''
He (bitterly)- "No- aIerely my
head %
Human ingenuity over!eaps itself
in Kentucky, where they are trying to
enforce Sunday liquor law. A Mum
louisville man asked druggist last
Sunday for bottle of whisky for a
tainting mule. He didn't get it.
The toughness of a spring chicken is
not an infallihle sign that it is three
springs old. Il may have been pre-
cocious chicken and have besn struck
by the pedestrian mania in it's infancy.
That would account for the extraordi.
| nary development and toughness of it's
muscles.
When DenYer deacon forgets him.
self and remarks to the man who doesn't
notice the contribution box, "Are you
going to chip 2'' the folks in the con-
gregation wink at each other and the
clergyman tries 10 look as though lie
doesn't see where the fun comes in.
Miss Emily Faithful will come to
this country next autumn and lecture
on the subject, "Modern Extravaganza:
It's Cause aud Cure" Everybody
knows that the cause is lovely woman,
and that nothing short of law making
it penal ofense to wear anything
except blue jeans and calico will
remedy the evil.
ga gentleman named his dog Penny,
becsuse it was one cent to hirn,' is the
ancient chestnut raked up by an ex.
change And in the light of the nine.
teenth century the statement is shown
| to be incorrect. as the animal wae 81
callei because he had one head and
one tail, and it was fun to match him
with another like him.
4 There are eight pin factories IN the
United States, with an annual produc
ton of about 7,00O,0o0 pins. And
+ when man SO far forgets himself as te
put his arm around the waist OF one o