The Osceola times., 1880-12-11
CREAM OF THE MAILS.
Nuggets of Wit and Wisdom from Our En-
changes.

lie says he VIII have his way
i MARY n. PRESCOTT.
COULDN'T LEARN To RIDE 1T.
An elderly resident of Newtown was
approached by an agent for a cycloppdia
II guess ] won't get one" said the elder
ly resident, and frankly added: Il know
never could learn to ride one Of the
pesky things. Ddnbury Neirs.
FORTY DOLLARS A POUND. .
Gilhooly strayed into De Smiths gro
Gerry yesterday, accompanied by his dog
suddenly the grocer cried out, as if in
great pain:
"Iour-dog has eaten up two pounds
of nice fresh country butter"
well, if it don't hurt the dog it's all
right, but ! want You to understand he is
a valuable dog, and if he dies you will
have to pay about $40 pound for that
oleomargarine. f,dIrestOH Neus.
FIXED AGAINST HOGS.
A couple of Galvestonians, who have
just returned from hunting excursion,
tell pleasant little incident of the trip
near Richmond. They went up to the
house of Il farmer to get some milk, and
experienced considerable difficulty in
getting the gate open. One of the party
said to the sturdy old Granger: I'VE
had good deal of trouble getting the
gate open" "Yes," responded the Gran
ger, dryly, 4 fixed it up to keep hogs
out. t."-Gdlreston NeUs.
WHERE ELSE COULD HE ASK.
On his way his apartments he stopped
n N of ma u m l,rn nlar
Sixth avenue, and with violent knocking
and shouts attracted the attention of that
cstimable tradesman, who, putting his
head out of the window, irefully asked
the business of his visitor. 81 want to
know the time" cried the curator.
what do you mean by waking me up
to ask such a stupid question:" roared
the pawnbroker. "Stupid question:"
howled the curator, clinging TO lamp
post. 81 like that Where else should
/ ask for the time-hayen't you got my
watch?"-Ncw York Hour.
ANEW COMET DISCOVERED.
The chairman of the committee on as
tronomy heaved a deep sigh and reported
rs follows: "Dis committee am well
awar' of de fack dat comet has recently
bin diskivered about 60,00O,000 miles on
de road to lIeabcn, an dat it am now
supposed to be approachin de v'arth at a
rapid rate, but de committee sees no
speshul occashun to get excited. 1t VIII
be "A month or so before de said comet
can cit here, an de chances am, dat de
'arth will mash it at de ftst bump. DIS
committee advises de members of de club
to git dar butes tapped dar oyercoats
patched an dar wood hauled up fur win.
ter. an let de comet bizness take keer o
itself.-Free Press.
STILL FIoURIsHEs.
II is with alarm that we notice that, as
we leave our country's birthday farther
and farther behind US, the negro of long
eval proclivities shows a settled determ-
ination TO bridge the overwhelming span
of years. The aged African, whilom con-
tent with round hundred, now thinks
nothing of adding ten or twenty years
thereto. We had looked forward to the
time when the entire race of nurses and
coachmen to the father of his country
should become extinct. Vain hope! Age
cannot wither them, though custom has
somewhat stalled their infinite variety.
Verify, the Washington nurse and coach
man shall flourish in immortal youth
unhurt amidst the war of elements, the
wrecks of matter and the crush of worlds
-BosiOn Transcript.
CONSTITUTIONAL.
This is told of Colonel Frobel, Of At
lanta, Georgia, who some time ago was
called on 10 gauge the water in neigh
boring stream. While engaged in this
operation an old "wool-hat' came along
with car; drawn by single OK, on
which was a small quantity of wood.
Hating his team as he came near, he
said, What on 'arth are them men dom
thar
"Well,p replied the colonel, "they are
irving to find out how many bucketfuls
of water run down this creek in twenty
four hours"
The man gazed at the party in mute
wonder, and asked, mister, are that a
fact?'
"Yes." said the colonel, that is just
what they are doing"
After an earnest contemplation the
man shook his head, and in grave tones
rcplied, "Well. mister, it do appear to
me that that thar thing are onconst'too-
GOndl
COULD ALWAYS SEE THE PRESIDENTS PAW.
Not few of our anecdotes of wit and
humor are connected with the clergy,
all denominations of whom are at times
represented This time it is good
Methodist brother of whom we speak.
Through the influence of presiding
l. Al
against him, he was appointed to small
and scattered settlement, when he ana
most of his friends felt that he ought to
have been sent to some prominently position
Iamenting the narrowness OF the held 10
which he had been allotted ,he was remind
ed by friend that he ought not to he dis
satisfied, but rather to pray that he might
see the hand ofthe Lord in disappointment
10 inst such place. To which he replied,
81 bave-I have tried, brother, to do as
Won saw. and time and again have pray
ed 10 the Lord that might see His hand
in il but every time, as | looked up, al
could see was he big par Of that presiding
elder.
A GOOD POINT.
There were many good things and
br;ght things said and done at the Gen
eraI Convention of the Protestant Eplsco-
nal Church recently held in this city one
IF ,he bishops-Elliott, of Texas-kept
his hearers in capital spirits by his pun
rant humorous way of putting things.
Speaking of the late DIR. Montgomery, OF
this city, and Montgomery institute,
Which he had named to his memory, he
said he would be glad of s,sOo for ut IT,
and when he heard about having s6o,oVo
or sIoO 900 he felt that with such sum