Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-02-25
FuNNYGRAPHS.

/
The mule always puts his best foot
| hindmOst
HE best dress for Buffalo girls-Buf-
| falo robes.-Bufaio Courier.
LENT always brings the average
boarder to repentance.
PERSONS with strong turn for
neutrality-suspicious..
OLD ocean INDUCES in storms merely
to wreck-creation.
"GIvE the Indians a show" says a
Western paper. Yes; give them an anna
teur "Pinafcre.
The man who got hurt by stopping
suddenly, said it was the result of his
bringing up.
In game of cards a good deal depends
on good playing, and good playing de-
ponds on a good deal.
WHY does an aching tooth impose
silence on the sufferer? Because it makes
him hold his jaw.
WANTED-A plain cook" reads an
| advertisement. Wonder whose wife
put that in the paper.-Boston Post.
"THE father of twins, says the Cleve
land Voice, I" is botanical crriosity-a
double-poppy, as it were.
MARRIAGE may be like game of cards,
but the bridegroom is all right If he
holds good hand when the knot is tied.
THIS is the latest for wedding invita-
tions "Come around and see us capture
a mother-in-law, at o'clock, sharp"
'tSoLD1ERs must be fearfully dishon-
est,'' said Mrs. Darlington; sit seems to
be an occurrence every night for sentry
to be relieved of his watch"
The telephone is only about two years
4 old, but some of the jokes about it sound
as though they were ragged when the
pyramids were young.
THE husband who tracks mud in upon
the best parlor carpet is often bringing
in ground for divorce. -Philadek2ohia
ChTO7aicte-H Herald.
! Mrs. YoUNGwoMAN wants to know
chow she can tell fresh egg from
stale one?' Taste it, goosey, taste it.
What do want to know for?
| THESE are the nights when the Their
the fire and the young folks hug each
other. -ISteubenUiUe Herald.
SCIENTIFIC men tell lis that the earth
is but crust, and every live man wants
to belong TO the upper crust.-NeaO Or
leans Pic0ya,ae.
YOUNG man, if it is IL o'clock and she
goes to the piano and plays few bars of
F'The Sweet Bye and Bye" you may
consider the seance over for the night.
TOMMY: "What dose it mean, Sissy,
Laying up something for a rainy day?
Sissy: "Don't know, Tommy; 'spect it
means borrowing friend umbrella and
never returning it. -
SOME predict that the time will come
when our people can read each others
thoughts like a book. 1t is sad to think
that many hy-leaves will be discovered
where least expected. Journal
EDO you see this stick, sir ;" said
stupid acquaintance to Sydney Smith.
"This stick has been all around the
world, SIR" "Indeed! And yet it's
only a stick, % said the remorseless Sgd
ney.
/ MATTER of taste Conductor Quitting
his head inside)-'f Only room for one
inside. Which shall we have?'' Stout
old gentleman-'' The little one p Nice
young gentleman-'' The pretty one ?''-
| Punch
"WHERE are the greenbacks gone %
walls an up-country paper. Been fed to
swine, [ expect; we have seen In one
| thousand $1,000 exchanges this week
the statement that +" there's money in
hogs. "-Des Aoiaaes Register.
Now we know all about the "What Is
It?" It is book agent. We saw one
ring a door bell on Race street the other
day, and woman stuck her head out of
the second-story window and yelled:
"Helloi what is it %
"WHEN I was young said Mrs.
Scoldwell to her little girl, g I used to
/ love my dear mamma too well to act as
you do. "And did your mamma, re-
piled Bertha quickly, FUSED to be all the
was girl %
The mystery that Rockland boy de-
sires the advancing years to unfold is
| why he always is rushed off to bed when
he is not in any degree sleepy, and made
to get up when he is SO sleepy that it
seems as if his whole system was clogged
with pitch.-Rocktand Courier.
ROBINS and blue-birds and white skirts
and oyster cans and dead cats have made
their appearance in Detroit the same as
If it was April, and the crOakers In the
water-holes sing: "Sing hey, the merry
bullfrogs that we are. "-Detroit Free
Press.
IT was written, "her dainty feet were
encased in shoes that might have been
taken for fairy boots" but the compos-
itor made it to read, "her dirty feet were
encased in shoes that might have been
taken for fer1y-boats, and he is no long
er dwelIer in Chicago, but a fugitive in
| the land.
| A MAN named Arthur Wrab stole pair
of scales in Hoboken the other day, and
after selling them he left for parts un-
known. This reminds one of Longfel-
lows line: ''Win fold up their tents
like an A. Wrab, and silently steal a
weigh. "-Pittsbur9h Telegraph.
GINA DARBY" writes from Peoria:
81 have ten cent piece of 1892 would
like to exchange" All right, Ina.