The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-02-12
PASSING SMILES.

PASSING SMILES.
SUNDAY school teacher Annie, what
must one do to be forgiven p Annie
" He must sim"
ALL the world may die, the hard
hearted Dutchman sheds not tear over
his beer.
A SOFT answer turneth away wrath;
but grievoas one often getteth a mans
back up-and his nose punched.
"MARRIED life," moraIizes an author,
is not all made up of sunshine and
peace" We should judge not. Espec-
tally when its twins
In old times it was the custom to ex-
claim to bores and such people: "Go
top The same expression, with -addi-
tions, is used to-day.
THOSE people who think that Jonah
could not see in the whales belly arc
probably not aware that there were
plenty of lights there.
A YOUNG man in Bridgeport, Va,
thus answered an invitation from lady
to attend a leapye party: Deer Miss,
yours reseeved-I tumble" A
SOMEBODY has started the story that
when young boarding-school miss was
informed there were no gooseberries for
sauce, she wanted to know what had
happened to the goose.
A LITTLE boy watched his father ad-
Just billiard table with spirit level.
After the old man had finished the job
he remarked: Now, pa, see if my head
is level"
1T is said that Victor Hugo kisses the
ladies at meeting and parting. That's
all right at parting, but kissing them at
meeting is a new dodge in the way of
getting up religious revival.
ScHooL-MIsrREss (iust beginning a
nice improving lesson upon minerals to
the juniors) -" Now, what are the prin-
cipal things we get out of the earth p
Youthful angler, aged four lconfden-
tially)-"Worms"
LYING is sin destructive to society
says a noted writer. When fellow
has a willing wife and wet kindling
wood, the chances are that he's going
to lie every morning and society can
suffer the consequences.
THE Texas style of popping the ques-
ton: "Pse gret mind to bite you."
"What have you great mind to bite
me for?'' ''Kase you won't have me-"
Kase you ain taxed me-" Well, now
ak you." 9Then, now | has you"
A YOUNG lady who came in last week
to advertise for kitchen help said with
sigh and wiring of her dainty gloved
hands: ooh! do hope we'll get one
soon. For it does almost break my heart
to see mother wash dishes, with her rheu-
matism, too.
TIE best poet for the head-Hood. -
Little's Living Age. The best writers for
| the stomach-Bacon and Lamb. We
hope this thing will stop right here. y
Scientific american. Mol mol Let's
have Moore. The seandalmonger's poet
-Sully.-Pubkc Opinion.
IT is no wonder the Binghamton
people drink so much whisky. Accord
| ing to the Leader the following list of
| articles have been found in their drink
ing water: Nitzchia curvula, cymatop-
leura elliptica, stauroneis, punctata,
pleurosigma spencerii and rhizosolenia
eriensis."
WHEN the enterprising swinaler isn't swindlng,
isn't swindlng-
When the "sinner'' isn't occupied in sin,
l. -pieei ~ s,l-
He loves to watch the pig a oank ssseas dwindns
And calculate the sum that he is sin,"
| -he is "in.'
-, -f"es.
Il WISH you would Keep your moutn
snu: I.: :N.
h;s nat;ent's nrediIection to taking.
aAll Tiyht" said the latter. suiting the
action to the word. And then Holle-
mout asked him if he would be so kind
as tn onen il again long enough for him
1Hol,emoutl to Get his finger out. You
never do know how to please some men.
49,
sto1d w,R a,s se sar % oasber
And caught the words in distant room
OF his only child-a daughter
| The sounds he heard to his heart sharp went
Like the stroke of rearer,s sickle;
9oa H 20, @ gooa sraeaoas ss Ssadie ssEIs aea
.s,, Went si, ,adns quite fhn,sl,rr. ssazeel,
He stabbed a s In himself nfs with ae telephone wire
uoc. =. ~ o.. - hsss. ..,;... .,,u
CoMs 70 Inns Dosom III ouI,ess Aas hs Jnas
Ieal, 1e sehs,s Laua. anJ 80 "nva rnn.
sue spy on 1o se. h;ns ran,a,L;n~ aa ~ hsr
a::nS JuWp ioa M ;,,st se hat rnHr - sw.et
/ L LOU may JuSt UCe yOuI 5WSOs