The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-01-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

WI AMI hO1Ohs
IHE ulster covers a multitude of
shins.
A cHAsM that often separates friends
Sarcasm.
The best thing out is bad cigar.
Isn't it?
SOME doctors are very disagreeabie
creatures, being always out OF patients
The fashion of ladies' waistcoats is
supposed to have originated in Gal
WESTON.
THERE is something in store for us,
but it takes money to persuade the
clerk to hand it out.
WHEN thou drinkest, enter into the
pantry and shut the door. Avoid the
cellar, for potatoes have eyes.
Don't scold the boy; it's your fault.
You ought to have known better than
to bring that horn and drum into the
house.
THERE are pianists so expert in yaria-
tions that they can play all around
melody or an old air without ever nit
ting it once.
Miss ATHANAsIA, whe read with de-
light that the Indian corn belt is 5000
miles wide, learned with disgust that
Mother Earth is wearing the only one,
and refuses to part with it.
IT is pleasant for man to go early
. TO a church sociable, and then sit in the
parlor and listen to every fresh arrival
knock his new silk hat off The top peg
in the hat-rack down to the floor.
AS GIRLS advance toward womanhood
many of their notions undergo
change. For instance, when small they
believe in the man il the moon; at ma
turer years they believe in the man in
the honeymoon.
"PA," said little boy, ga horse is
worth good deal more, isn't it, after
it's broker" Eyes, my son. Why do.
you ask such question:" Because I
broke the new rocking-horse you gave
me this morning"
AN awkward fellow planted his foot
square upon a lady's train, the other
day. 30, you great train wrecker!"
said the lady, angrily. BEG your par
don, streetsweeper! was the arch re-
ply.
THERE are many hard tasks for wom-
en- in this world, but few which they
find it impossible to perform. Still,
there never was woman who could
keep fur-lined circular from flying
open and showing the fur.
THERE is nothing so charming as the
innocence of children. Mamma"
said a 5-year-old the other day, 81 wish
you wouldn't leave me to rake care of
baby again. He was so bad that had
to eat all the sponge cake and two jars
OF raspberry jam to amuse him."
cLorHEs-LINR is harmless thing,
When stretched from pole to %. le
Until you start across the yard,
And ttep into hole;
Then, as you make forward hinge.
1t stops y u so to speak.
And throws you down and Jerks you 20
The middle of neoks tweek.
"SoME more cheese, please" said
small boy of 8 to his papa at dinner.
mo, my child, was the reply of the
prudent parent; "you have already had
enough. When I was child I had to
eat my bread and smell my cheese"
well" said sonny, please give me
piece to smell"
A MAN can always write better than
he can speak. This is rule of univer-
sal application. Even when a gentle-
man stands on the bank of stream, he
gets no fish by speaking, though he be
never so eloquent; but, on other hand,
if he just drops line" to the fnny
tribe they respond with great alacrity.
THE ARITHMETIC IN LOVE.
blowers sat beneath the shade,
And un2 the other said:
How ID that you be9
Have smiled upon this suit of mine;
If b. art it paps fer you
Thy voice is NUT melody
Ills Z to be thy loved 1, 2
Say, Oy nymph, wilt marry me?'
Then lisped she soft: Why, 13ly!"