The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1880-12-09
HUMoRs OF THE DAY.
Ln drilled-the oil region.

WE'LL drilled-the oil region.
BOARD of Education-the blackboard.
FLoR1srs stand in cowslip- perry places.
How much did Alphabet with Omega?
How to save time-let your watch run
down.
A SOUR mash-getting hit in the eye
with pickle.
THEY make type now with coat on
that is tunic type.
A SUBURBAN Paris dealer announced
that he sold donkeys like his father.
A SICK child may be able to staye off
castor-oi, but it can't always parry -goric.
A SEWING machine agent has no music
in himself when he condemns a Singer.
ONE characteristic about the fair ones
is, they prefer to embrace clean sir faces.
THE most charming bridal wells are of
Illusions. = Exchange. Delusion, we
should say.
IF you would be wealthy get upon q
mule. You would soon find out that you
are better off.
OF course smoking is worse than chew
ing, for the old adage says: "Of two
evils, 'chews' the least.
TIE. dearest, the nearest thing to hu-
manity is its kin. Same with t'other
pear; the nearest thing is.its skin.
A NEVADA editor began leader. on
'1ce Cream" with the remark: 'This
delicious bivalve is now on sale at the
new saloon"
A CLERGYMAN being asked why he
wore minated gloves, replied, 81 don't
wish my right hand to know what my
left hand doeth.
THERE is such thing in this world as
the milk of human kindness, but the
downright mean folks are eternally skim
ming the cream from it
The New Orleans PicayiI,le says that
retired tragedian is an ex-acting man.
Should he retire to the stage, a reaction
may be expected to take place.
81 DECLARED" exclaimed q slovenly
writer, ST wish I could find pen that
would just suit me-" And instantly came
a chorus, '"Try pig PEN :"
The French lady who said to her maid,
"Nine o'clock must begin to undress
for the ball, understood the true inward
ness of modern fashionable life.
"OH, deari" exclaimed Penniman, sI
wish could excel in somethingl I do
Ucl1Of0 IL L 5nOulu d IL HOuluu
be anything but murder in the second
degree.
A Boston believer in Bob Ingersoll
says: eff man snites you on one cheek
turn to him the other and whack him
over the head with whatever comes
handy"
APooR cornet got his skull fractured,
and was told by the doctor that his brain
was visible. He erepled-"Writea and tell
my father, for he always swore had
none"
A KENTUCKY girl died with the heart
disease few hours after her marriage.
This proves that young ladies shouldn' t
marry until after they had given their
hearts away.
FDeETY lady-'tBut what am 1 to do?
/ can't ride with my back to the engine. -
Insolent youth-'Better speak to the
conductor; he'll turn the train around to
obige you. ."-Funny Folks.
SAID a crafty husband to his business
partner: 81 have promised my wife an
immense surprise for her birthday. u
"More extravaganza" CT shall give her
nothing; it will be an immense surprise. u
''CnorHE me in Dreams" says Miss
Fannie Driscoll in recent poem. If you
mean the kind of dreams person has
after eating mince pie and omelette, you'd
be frightfully dressed, Fannie. Boston
Post.
'WHY, frankie, (" exclaimed a mother
at the boarding house, 81 never knew
you to ask for second piece of pie al
home" 81 knew 'twant no use," said
Frank, as he proceeded with his pie eat
ing.
WHEN q man agrees to deliver letter
to his friends sweetheart, and forgets il
and leaves it In his pocket, where his
wife finds it, ne may Just as well save him.
self the trouble of telling her the facts.
They won't be believed.
sT GUESS dad wishes we'd all die an6
go TO heaven" said miser's son to his
maternal parent. 'fWhy so ?" she asked
upon recovering from her astonishment
"Oh, cause heaven is such cheap place
tolve In"
Ar hotel table child attracted con.
siderable attention by saying repeatedly,
'I want cake" "You have had five OF
six already" replied the mother
'Them's not the ones want. want 6
fresh one."
A KENTUCKY girl says that when she
dies she desires to have tobacco planted
over her grave, that the weed, nourisheG
by her body, may be chewed by her be
reayed lover.-ETchan9e. Poor girl
who can she expect to back 'er In this
queer conceit?