The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-04-10

His pretty wife he loved to kick and wnaek,
Kick and whack;
!, When not weared with his labors at Legation,
Allegation,
He Ind a grin That caused her throat t swell,
Throat to swell;
Oh, taking all things in consideration,
'Sideratlon,
The woman loved not wisely but too well
Much too well.
--hiHgstsr Freeman.
Old Mr.. Baker advertised for wife, specifying
a "young woman of irreproachabc character"
He received a letter from Lizzie Smith, OF De
Witt, Mo. She said that she was only seventeen,
aud was willing to become some old mans OAR
ling wife As to her character, she assured Mr.
Baker that anybody in Dc Witt could give HIM
the facts and she told the truth, for the rs: per-
son of whom he inquired informed him that she
had served three terms in prison for stealing,
and one for shooting man. He decided not to
marry her.
This UNANIMOUSLY mean item appears in the Chi
cago Tribune;
Whenever lot Of Macoupin county poems and
prize ESSAYS accumulate in this Office and we are
hard up for matter they are printed under the
heading pearls Of Thought" Our last pearls
were given to the public shortly before the war,
and NAV possibly have had something TO do win
precipitating that dreadful era OF carnage.
In that wonderful speech OF his against Porter,
Logan said il HE had been in command OF the
army OF Virginia there would be no Fttz John
Porter knocking at the portals OF congress TO-
day" There is nothing in any part OF the frolhy
speech to indicate what Logan meant by that
tremendous utterancc, but the supposition is that
Ia n .la n.
A hotel keeper in Harvard, Illinois, expecting
rush OF business on recent occasion, wrote TO
friend to send him some cots, but he maze his
80" like an "a" and the first thing he knew his
house was invaded by II legion OF hungry cats
The Milwaukee Sun, speaking Of this, says;
Peoplc cannot be too careful about writing
MAINLY. Once we received a letter from ii. A.
Chttenden In which he said: ~ have been SO
lousy have not had time TO write before wen,
we sent him fine tooth comb, and Tor months
the friendly relations existing between us were
rudely broken, until he explained that the wore
lousy" was intended to be busy
This recalls the case Of an estimabie young
lady, who, having consented to accompany a
Young man to party, was obliged to write him
a note excusing herself, for the reason that she
had lust had n chill" But she carelessy made
the last ~" too short and curlcd graceful -four
over il, so that It rcsembled 3D." and the young
lady's reputation suffered, until she got chance
to explain, and for long time she had to endure
great deal Of malicious raillery; and all the sat
isfaction she got that she discovered that her
beau was BLACKBOARD, and some OF her ac-
ouaintances of both sexes not much better.
THINGS ARE SELDOM WHAT THEY SEEM.
Things are seldom what they seem,
skim milk sells for Reform cream;
Scratchers pass for honest voters,
Independents stand for Boilers.
Very true, SO they do.
Black sheep dwell in every fold,
Young Repubs Of ten are old,
Bald heads are not always level,
Splits in parties raise the devil.
Yes, | know, that is so.
Booms may Boom-erangs become,
Sticks alone can't play drum;
Facts like mules are stubborn things,
Stalwart arms amt worn in sings.
Veri.lee, No Stree.
Fancy's free and whms are maynard,
North and South both shout for Bayard,
Hens who play with duck get wet
The North can't stand third term yet.
Not just yet, you can bet.
" Y. World.