The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-09-02
Uartetu.
VARIETY.

II the Darwinian theory holds good In aatIon.
omy the finest comet is that with no tail.
Doctor" said gentleman to his pastor, "how
can best train up my boy in the way he should
gO2" "By going that way YOURSELF" blandly re.
piled the pastor.
A young actress tainted the other evening in
New York, and was thought to be paralyzed, but
she jumped up and went through with the per.
fOrmanCe when the manager offered to raise her
wages. Now" said he cynieally, "See the pay
rally sis"
Old woman (peellng potatoes)-"What a LOT y
eyes these taters have got!' Old mani specs
they'S extra, so as to look arter the Colorado
beetle"
"NOw," said the school trustee to an applicant
for situation, I'VE know that b and Is
vowels, but what we want to know is why is they
Vowels2"
A regular Turk-Tommy (who has Just been
operated upon): Il mean to he dentist when
grow up" Aunt Annie: "Why, dear'" Tommy
ITO have revengel"
"sambo," asked one darky of another, "can
you tell me which am wurf de most, de bride or
de bridegroom p why, de bride, ov course
"Go away, you Niger; you don't know muffin;
1t am de bridegroom" why so, sambo o. "Be.
cause, you see, when dey gifts married de bride
am given away, but de bridegroom am soldl'
Don't interrupt man in his talk. The natural
limit Of a mans life is three score and ten, and
he can't go on forever.
1t is now claimed that the first time the expires.
"Eureka" was used was when Archimedes sat
down on tack for which he had been looking
for nearly twenty minutes,
It is the easiest thing in the world to find q
man willing to bet a hat on his candidate, but 1t
is the hardest thing in the world to find the man
II he loses.
A kindly policeman picked drunkard out OF
a San Francisco gutter, and perceiving that his
head was bent over to one side, set about
Strengthening it by main strength. The fellow
la2ily opened his eyes, and remarked Born
so, mister, born sO"
But, Freddie how could you thing OF calling
auntie stupid Go to her at once and tell her you
are sorry" Freddie goes to auntie and says
"Auntie, an sorry you are so stupid"
II know a victim to tobacco" said q lecturer,
who hasn't tasted food for thirty years." How do
you know he hasn'ti" asked an auditor. Because
tobacco killed him In lS5O,' was the rejolnder.
An Irish gentleman having purchased an
alarm clock an acquaintance asked him what he
intended to do with 1t. "0ch," answered he,
sure I've nothing to do but pull the string and
wake myself"
How Is your husband this afternoon, Mrs.
Jones2' why, the doctor says as how as II he
lives till this morning he shall have some hopes
Of him, but II he don't he must give him up"
Don't blame the rooster for Dragging over ev.
cry egg that is laid In the family. Only human
nature nothing more. You remember that when
that bouncing boy arrived at your house it wasn't
the mother who went about doing the growing.
The expression Of boys face at the end Of q
straw that lacks TWO inches Of reaching the cider
In barrel, Is supposed to be the model that the
artist selected In the delineation Of Adam leaving
Paradise.
He had brought her the very things she want
ed from the supper table to her safe retreat or
the stairs, and she was moved to say, half laugh
ingly, "You are man after my own heart Mr.
B,p "Just whatI am after" he answered, quicl
as a fash, covering her with confusion.
An English nobleman who is in the habit O.
speaking to soldiers In an affable manner wal
much amused lately when Guardsman said t
him, In hearty and genial way II like you, my
lord. There's nothing Of the gentleman abou
your
A cross petltion-A man who had filed a peti
ton for divorce was informed by his counse
that his wife had filed "cross petition" as law
yen call 1t, "a cross petition p exclaimed tn
husband. "That's just like her; she never did {
good ndttlrei thing in her life !"