The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1880-06-25
The Alligator.

VARIOUS men have written various
things regarding the alligator, put we
are not bound to believe any OF them.
BE is classed as reptile. but we can
mt him in any other class we think best:
this being q free country. He Is at
the present time the largest OF his spe.
cies. and in the enjoyment OF perfect
health. His relatives, as far as heard
from, are also well, thank you.
For hundreds of years the wise men
of the world vainly tried to ind OUT
what alligators were made for. Some
supposed they were parlor ornament
on legs; others commended that tnei5
mission was to tow sawlogs up ana
down; and many persons firmly believed
that the reptile had no other aim in life
than to get hold of the juicy heel OF
runaway darkey.
We shall divide the alligator into sew
eral sections, in order to study his dif-
ferent points. The head comes first.
1t is one part head and twoparts mouth,
this chap being the only living thing
that can open his mouth as lar as ne
wants to, and then have lots OF spare
mouth left. The jaws are built on the
sawmill principle. While one is work
ing, the other is resting and getting
ready for soft snap. No one ever
experimental to see just how strong an
alligator was..in his jaws, but when they
have been seen to crunch the end off q
saw-log, and bend a crow-bar double,
you may take it for granted that small
boys shoulder-blades wouldn't stop
their teeth very long. Their teeth are
numerous, and made on honor. They
not only use them to pick up tender in
fants lost overheard, but to haul prosy
old spotted COWS off the river bank and
put them beyond further pain and sOr-
row. When an alligator gets fair hold
of you there is only one thing to do
call for the police.
In the head are the eyes. They could
not grow in better place to please the
reptile. They are SO set that he can
see before and behind him, and there is
no danger of their getting BACKED in a
free fight. If the eyes took up more
room there wouldn't be so much mouth;
therefore, the eyes are no larger than
those of dog.
The legs of an alligator are short and
stout. it not being supposed that he
would ever participate in walking
match. He uses them with equal facil-
ity on land or water, and but very few
cork-legs have ever been seen in use
among them. 1t might have been. just
as well had these reptiles been built on
the principle of the camel or the Oh
raffe, but we must not complain of Ma
lures ways.
Hh0 md foil or vryStI II
extra roof to protect the alligator from
hailstones and brick bats, and it's no
use to shoot beans at him from the top
of a high bank. 1t has been asserted
that a bullet cannot penetrate this
thick skin, but if you ever get sight of
one of the gentry pop your bullets at
him from any point of the compass. If
they don't kill him they will certainly
cause sorrowful thoughts, and perhaps
lead to resolution to reform. The
tail is firmly fastened to the body, and
is both ornamental and useful The
day may not be far distant when we
shall walk down to the placid waters at
to gaze on a race of bob
tailed alligators, but just at present
they have lots of use for these pieces of
personal property. 1t is said that thew
can knock a man end over end with one
sweep OF the tail, but they are seldom
mean enough to do it.
Alligators eat most everything which
comes in their way and make no COM
plants. No landlady would have the
east trouble with them. They like
Zach others society, but prefer to put
n any spare time they have in the COM
'any of such men as they can lay hold
#. Their habits are very regular; their
conduct all that can be expected, and
hey stick to business till the pond dries
Up. AS general rule if you are up
rec and the alligator is in pond he is
lot inclined to NEEDLE with your affairs,
tut you can rouse his curiosity and his
'elligerent disposition very quickly by
lropping down and trying to use him
8 a ferry boat. He no doubt gets
long just as well as if he had been q
lam or an oyster, and don't you put
aith in any historian who tries to make
on believe that the reptile signs for
ny change beyond that of diet.-De-
rOH Free Press