The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1880-10-21
MiSundersta ndinGS.
From the Public Ledger ]

ALuOu5 lut icSStE evils Ol lie, lHcTe are
few more powerful 10 distress and disap-
point than the collisions which so frequent
I lv arise between friends. We do not here
allude to serious quarrels, OF permanent es
trangements but rather to those small fric
tions clashes or telling or opinion. or disl
greeable passes which are usually termed
misunderstandings The very common use
of this word shows the general idea to be.
{ that such unpleasant difficulties are simply
the result Of a mutual lack of comprehension
between tle parties. 1t is assumed that if
they were each fully cognIzant of the 9th
er motives, thoughts and intents, they
would be perfectly harmonious, and it is
only because they do not understand or
misunderstood. that they are displeased
hurt or provoked, as the case may be-
This IS certainly polite way of putting
it, and, if we were all angels it might be
the true solution. 1t is to De feared, how
ever, that, if friends were entirely eogni
zant of cath other, there might be even more
interruption 10 their friendship than at pre-.
ent. How many Of Us would be willing
to lay bare our entire thoughts and feelings
even to our best friends, or imagine thar
the view they would thus gain would attach
them TO US more firmly anG ardentyI The
chief cause Of these Interruptions to friend
ly feelings IS mt the ignorance of each 9th
er s motives or inteDlons--nnt the mlslnter
probation Of one another's words or actions.
bat rather the clashIng of certain incongru
Gus elements that had previously lain hid :
den. We are all differently constituted
our tempers, dispositions, habits of mind,
tastes. etc, have every variety of quality
and expression. and it IS the rare exception
when two friends lovers of klnsmen have no
points or antagonism. Fer P long time
= ho h,
but continued intimacy will be sure some
time or othe- to bring them uppermo5t and
into collision and then succeeds that feel
ing OF disappointment, that sense of NUT
ual blame and wounded affection which is so
hard to bear
1t would, we think, greatly soften these
inward panGs, which every sensitive mind
has felt. could we but realize their real sig
nlticance, or rather insigniticance, from oar
point of view, The poignancy of our feel
ings leads US to oveIestimate the culpability
involved. and the consc iousness of having
had no i'll intention oDe's self prompts Us to
enlarge upon the fault OF our friend, quite
beyond any actual justice. Could we know
wi at is commonly the case that our friend
is indulging in the same sort of meditation
concerning u.s. we should he astOnished at
his msconception Yet in nine cases out of
supposed, and that OF an entirely different
character There IS some quality in each
not agreeable to the other: it is not neces
sari,y an evil one: it may be perhaps only
an antagonistic impulse or conviction, or
even an unshared preference. Whatever
it be, when it suddenly comes into full view
it creates d shook or repulslOn, not from
any real fault or unkind feeling on either
side, but simply from the mingiiag of un
congenial elements.
Now, if we could be inst and reasonable
enough to recognize that such things are
the inevitable results of different individu
aHticS coming into close contact, there need
he no hurt feelings, n wounded affections,
no breaks at all in friendly relations. If We
were wise enough to remember that entire
unanimty OF thought and feeling is neither
possible nor desirable, we should be prepar-
ed to expect these differences, and thus be
saved from the sad and bitter results which
too often ensue If instead Of this, we suf-
fer unkind feelings silently TO ranklc, our
friendship, in its finest and purest charac
ter has received the death blow. If on
the other hand we give our discomfort
words, and try to clear ourselves and call
another to account we shall fare no better.
To give or to claim reasons for these intri-
cate and impulsive collisions, in fruitless
task. In ordinary lie and intercourse we
act at our natures and our principles but
rarely put them into formal reasons II we
seek for them afterwards there will ALWAYS
be the temptation to present them III as ia
vorable as light as possible. Motives are
generally too mixed and subtle to be cor
rectly described in language. There is an
born of wisdom and sympathy,
which is the essence of social and friendly
aud which carries with it a rap
id comprehension of each other 5 meaning
ard, where this is for any reason at fault,
it is better to have recourse to faith In our
friend than to seek for verbal or written ex-
PLANTATION. Time, patience, forbearance
and trust will do far more 10 adjust these
Disturbances, to reconcile antagonisms and
to restore harmony, than ;be most elaborate
review of all the details.
After all, our great want in social life is
a deeper and wider sympathy. This it is
which enables Us 10 see with auother's Wis
ION and to appreciate ano'her's instincts.
Without merging practice of our own in
lIviduality we may so fairly put ourselves
a the place of our friend as TO feel how
natural it is for him t. speak or to act as he
loes. Sympathy like this is only true pre-
rentive of those clashes and discordS which
mar the happiness and sally the purity Of