Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1880-11-06
Dress Convention,


his taking trunk along on his travels.
When he called the meeting to order,
the bear inquired if he meant for them
to order clothes. 1.-The did he hoped to
be measured first, rs he was tired of
going around in his bear skin.
"We haven't got SO far along as that"
said the elephant, and the beaver
Clipped in, and said that most of them
had their fur along, though some of il,
like the elephants, for instance, wasn't
worth beaver dam.
The chairman, whose hide was toe
thick to heed the sarcasm, said they
ought to decide what should be the
most fashionable for the coming season,
spots or stripes. The zebra spoke elo-
quently in favor of stripes, but it was
evident IRON his coat that he was not
sufficiently disinlerested. The leopard
said he would have no objection to
stripes, hut ii was u well known fact in
natural history that the leopard could
not change his spots. So he would
have to continue his present style, even
fit was questionable.
The ass remarked sadly that he had
been so long accustomed to stripes
that he wouldn't teel easy in anything
else.
The horse said he didn't agree with
the last speaker, for he had seen him,
in his obstinate moods. fairly rooted to
one spot.
This remark caused the ass to brays
up and ask the horse if he was heeled,
but mutual friends interposed and pre-
vented conflict, which would have
been assinine cases out of ten under the
circumstances.
A dispute arose between white polar
bear and black bear as to whether
white or black was more becoming, each
one contending for his own peculiar
color. While the former worked him
self up to a white heat, Notwithstanding
a chunk of ice pinned on top of his head
in towel, the latter grew blacker and
blacker over the controversy. "An ice
chap you are" said the black bear, "to
attempt to set the fashion among the
bears. How many votes do you Pole up
North there, anyhow9"
"We polar bear. and that is more
than you can do, retorted old Whitley.
"All bears were white originally" he
continued, "but when some of your an
cestors went out of their way to eat up
lot of children because of their aversion
to bald heads, they were afterward so
mortified about it hat they turued black,
and their descendants hav cen black
ever Since"
"And where were your ancestors all
this whileP" cried the b. b. Running
to get away from one of the boys that
was overlooked, and turning white with
fear"
"It's a bear-faced lie," shouted the
W. p. b., "and can lick you"
"Come within reach, and I'll cut
your northern lights cut, you roaring
borealis"
BE quiet, children," said the ele-
phant, waving his trunk in conciliat-
ing way. "You must learn to bear and
forbear," and that he should go forbear
ifthey didn't behave themselves.
A good deal Of merriment was oc-
casioned just hero by the entrance of a
giraffe with paper collar around his
neck.
"Necks, gentlamanm shouted
monkey that once belonged to barrier;
"black yer bootsP"
The giraffe said he didn't want any
monkey shines around him, and jeer-
ingly inquired if he was one of the miss.
ing lynx, which remark gave offense to
an animal whose lynx-eye had been
watching the proceedings in fur-tive
way. He showed his contempt for the
joke, however, as only lynx-skin.
" Is this jaguar | see before mep"
said the hyena, catching the spirit OF
the occasion; and the lion asked him if
he was drunk or dressed up, adding that
he would appear to better advantage if
he wouldn't get hyena more.
Lion, Macduff, cried the ass, who
had been letting on that he was a sort
of second cousin TO the king of beasts,
and was reminded with cruel irony that
it wasn't the first time he had dressed
himself up in lions kin.
"One OF your 'ears ought to know bet
ter than that" said the fox, playfully.
"What do sour grapes bring nowP"
asked q weasel, who wasn't caught
asleep this time.
"They would bring all their chickens
in if they saw you coming" replied the
fox, which was wee sell on the
weasel.
The president reminded them that
they had entirely lost sight of the OBJ
ject of the meeting. If they kept on
that way folks would think it was an
assembly of newspaper paragraphers
instead OF a dignified body of animals
considering the subject OF dress. After
some further discussion, it was resolved
that each animal continue to wear what
suited it best, and the convention nd
iourned. "GriS," ia Cincinnati Satuy.
3Gy Night.
Drunkenness is said to he greatly on
the increase in London. Ten years ago
the persons arrested for drunkenness or
for being drunk and disorderly num-
bered 81, ,625, whereas last year they had
increased to 33,992, or to nearly fifty
seven per cent.
"Take the elevator" is inscribed on