The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-10-08
WAITS AND WHIMS.

UNF FORTUNATE Tor dutiioiS' OhiH hho"
who can't write make their mark.
In wood chopping, it ia old men for
counsel and young men for ax shun.
A TERRIBLE bore-The inside OF ID
inch gun. -Keatucky State Journal.
WHEN man falls asleep does he hurt
himself any more than II he does IL
when awake?
'THE sun shines for all, T" while the
moon looks placidly down on few
spooney couples.
~BRAss WORKS." remarked Smedders,
reading sign-board; Eyes, brass works
its way anywhere"
CARRIAGE riding is now the correct
thing, and people who nde their horses
must take back seat.
EVEN machinery is open to persuasion
The fremen Of an English steamer cokes
the steamer to make it go.
WORTH makes the man-makes him
sick when he has to pay Custom House
dues on his daughters new Paris dresses.
LITTLE peach in the orchard grew
A little peach of emerald hue.
A little boy he climbed the fence,
And took that peach from hence TO thence.
TALK is thinner than milk. If you
don't believe it set pan 81 each side by
side, and see which affords the most
cream.
WHEN Colorado man gets up and
says: "Where fhe - -
are my boots?" Echo answers swear.
Boston Post
de question am now open for de
bait, as the darkey remarked when he
dropped his hook in front Of the big cat
fish in the pond.
ST.. LOUIS flatters herself that her birth
rate is twice as great as her mortality.
but such looking children-phew!-De-
trOit Free Press
WHEN they want to punish a man
severely in Arkansas they give him
bath. Nothing is such exquisite torture
to All Arkansas man.
SOME people inherit faith and are hap
Ply. And then again, others inherit u
brick block and several Government
bonds and are happier.
THERE are five old negroes in Atlanta,
Ga, who say they saw George Washing
ton. 1t begins to look as if Washington
never saw white man.
The problem, what makes a dog go
|
It's because he can't go cross lots and
get it.-Syracuse Times.
WHEN Rittsburg man comes up for
Office the first question asked by the
electors is: "How much water does he
draw, and what's his horsepower?
An exchange says that the carriage of
the Queen of England is lined with satin
That's nothing; every carriage in this
country is satin. Hcrald.
MoTHER-''Now, Gerty, he q good
girl, and give aunt Julia a kiss and say
good night" Gerty-"No, no If /
kiss her she'll box my ears, like she did
papa's last night
A CHINAMAN will bend all day over
hot iron in a little, close room, ironing
his clothes on hot day. and never think
of being warm; and yet he could not fly
n kite i'll mid-winter without tanning
himself.
JERICHO, Va, has citizen whose pro-
fss,sion is that of breaking the news to
the family when any one is accidentally
killed, and he does it in such manner
that they are almost glad it happened.
Detroit Free Press.
"WHAT do you do for sleeplessness?"
nervous man asked his physician.
!'Set the alarm for 5 O'Clock" replied
the medicine man. And the stupid
patient couldn't imagine what that had
to do with it.-BurIington HaaCkeye.
BROOKLYN claimed the handsomest
graveyard in the country, and in less
than two months twenty-four rich and
prominent Philadelphians committed
suicide, and their friends have given
them elegant monuments Philadelphia
is waking up IN enterprise.
'THERE is a girl with fine figure"
said Leonardo Toppletop to his friend
Frederick Won Weisesnicht, MS the un-
calmly Miss Dromedarius stalked by"
''Do You call hers fine figure?' was the
astonished query. 81 do; she has so, 600
in her own name "-ROchester Dem
Ocrdt.
'DAR Amt no use o. tryin' to hide yer
sins under fide clos, TO de Lawd can see
slick froo broadcloth." said the Rev.
James Delavan, ut a Kansas camp meet
ing. Dan. Kirby, well dressed gam
bier, construed the words as a personal
insult, and whipped the preacher after
the services.
A HARLEM minister, while marrying a
couple recently, is reported to have been
rather disconnected on asking the bride
groom if he was willing to take the
young lady for his welded wife, by his
scratching his head, and saying, Eyes,
I'm willing; but 1 had a much sight
rather have her sister. "-Nc,o York
Commercial ADVERTISER
Ice for Teething Children.
The New York Sun has the following
bit of good news for worried mothers