St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-04-23
Squibs.

When woman wants to be pretty
she bangs her hair, and when she wants
to be ugly she bangs the door.
The porter of shoe store was dust
ing out the place Oh Monday morning,
when ruralist struggled in. He want
ed pair of shoes. ''What number is
fourteen, tifteen,n said the man, with an
absent look on his face. ''Holy Moses ~
gasped the porter. "Three legs and no
two mates.n
A familiar instance of color blindness
is that of man taking a brown silk
umbrella and leaving green gingham
in its place.
A Brooklyn man stole up behind
lady in dark room and kissed her, and
when he found it was his wife, and she
found it was her husband, they were
both as mad us wet hens.-[ Boston
Post.
couple of English sportsmen have
arrived in New York to shoot buffalo
Exchange. They will be greatly sur
prised, too, when they learn that they
will have to leave New York before
they can shoot buffalo. An English
man sitting on the corner of Thirteenth
street and Fifth avenue, with rifle un-
der his arm, waiting for herd of buff
falo to come along, would be mistaken
tor gem puzzle victim looking for the
INVENTOR NorristOwn Herald.
A board school teacher was endeav-
oring to ascertain the extent of her
children's knowledge of numbers. On
the question being asked, "Would you
rather have three paper bags with two
oranges in each, or two paper bags with
three oranges in each ?" all but one lit
tie fellow expressed themselves as with
out preference. The teacher asked this
pupil for his decision, and he was per-
sistent in liking the three bags; his rea-
son for this was, $50 could have more
bags to bust"
An usher in a New York church
caused a sensation last Sunday evening.
AS the pastor entered the pulpit he was
shocked by sudden outburst of mirth
in the choir gallery. Two young per-
sons, wearing ulsters and Derby hats,
had been shown seats. The usher was
surprised when only one of them re-
moved his hat. He waited some time
for the offending head covering to be
removed, and then reached over the
back OF the pew and removed it him.
self Immediately he discovered, as
dld many other persons, that the wear
er was young lady, and therefore en-
titled to wear hat in church. Above
the noise of the Organist's voluntary rose
that of the involuntary mirth of many
IN the congregation.
Mr.. c. was pastor of a Baptist
church in certain town in one of the
Western States. He had been on very
bad terms with his flock for some time.
Before his contract with the parish ex-
pred, he received the appointment of
chaplain at the State prison. Elated at
TINS lucky opportunity of getting rid of
nlm, the congregation came in full num-
oers to hear his farewell sermon. Great
was their astonishment, and still great
er their anger, when the reverend gem
tieman chose for his text the following
words: 81 go to prepare a place for
Eou.::.that where l am, there We NAV he
also"
A lantern-jawed young man stopped
at the post-otfice and yelled out, "Any-
thing for the Wattses 2"
The polite postmaster replied. "No.
there is not"
''Nothing.n
Anything for Ace Watts?"
"No.n
Anything for Ike Watts ?"
''No, nothing"
Anything for Fool joe Watts qr
NO, nor Dick Watts, nor Jim Watts.
nor Sweet Watts, nor any other Watts
dead living, unborn, native, foreign
civilized or uncivilized, savage or bar,
eSarous, male or female, white or black.
1ranchised or disfranchised, naturalized
or otherwise. No, there is positively
nothing for any of the Wattses, either
Individually, severally, jointly, now and
forever, one and inseparable.n
Inc boy looked at the postmaster in
"a and said, "Please look if
there Is anything for Peter Watts.n