Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1880-12-23
CHRISTMAS HUMOR-

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CHRISTMAS HUM0R-
The muss that children are anxious
to get into-Christmus.
As the Christmas tree is bent so is the
youthful heart made glad.
Christmas is the anniversary of dys-
pepsia's fowlest conspiracy against CON-
fort.
Hose more despised By little children
than the man who takes 40 stockin'
Santa Claus?
Remember the barber the bootblack-
and the bartender.-Advice to Bach
elors.
Some folks will hang up their stock
ings Christmas eve, and some will hang
up the bartender.
The man who takes unto himself a
wife on Christmas eve will be sure to
have well-filled stockings.
1t is said that a child born on Christ
mas will always hate turkey and goose,
and lean towards Goldfish and bacon.
The small boy now puts in eight hours
a day fiattening his nose against the
windows of confectionery and toy stores.
SIS Kris Kingle alive, papa?"
The small boy said.
"Ahi yes, and kicking"
Said the family's head.
Christmas is rapidly coming this way,
and the young man with No. 0 foot
will, as usual, be presented with pair
Of No. 6 slippers.
Listen to the sleigh-bells jingle!
See the merry snow-flakes mingled!
How it makes our life-blood tingle!
A royal welcome to old Kriss Kringle
If you really desire to perpetrate a
practical joke upon your printer this
year just send him the amount of your
subscription on Christmas.
What time the holidays roll round,
The bad boy, still in frocks,
Led by the ear, to his ma draws near,
And getteth his Christmas box.
"Hang up the baby's stockingw
shouts the Hackensack Republican. We
want 1t distinctly understood that we
haven't any such appendages.
A young man who gave his girl S75
gold watch last Christmas, married her
during the summer, and now he thinks
the present was ''time" well spent
Now comes the season when the
young man, on an eight dollar salary,
bothers his brains to raise the stamps to
get his girl twenty-dollar holiday pres
ent.-Kansas City Times.
Christmas falls on Saturday this year,
and severe storms are predicted. The
storm will likely break when the young
sters wake up and find their stockings
filled with chunks of coal.
Tne morning dawns, and the house
hold is awakened by the sound of drum
and fife. But it is not war. 1t is not
the summons to 60 out and slaughter
the Zulus. Nay, brethren, it is Christ
mas.-[New York Express.
mamma" said the little one, do you
know what you are going to give met for
Christmas?" "Why yes" said the moth
er, "of course know" We'll, for mer-
cy's sake, don't tell me- responded the
puss with great vehemence.
As Christmas approaches, the young
man who has been toasting his toes, and
and lounging on the best parlor sofa, be-
gins to try and get up quarrel with
his young girl so aS TO escape bankrupt
ing himself on Christmas present.
Baltimore Every Saturday.
She tripped DER the slushy crossing,
And the wind that fiercely blew,
An inch or so of her ankle
Exposed to the public view.
The officer on the next corner
Was distinctly heard to say,
That's the incest thing in stocking
1 have seen this Christmas day."
Now comes Christmas to remind us
we may make our lives sublime, and de-
parting, leave behind US scores of Slip
pers, numbered mine" saltwater Lum-
herman.
Slippers that perhaps another who
shall in your footsteps tread-a pre-
ferred and bigger brother may wish
they were items" instead.-Rome Sen
tinel.
Slippers that perhaps a mother, striv-
ing hard to make ends meet, will use
upon your wild young brother, because
he won't keep off the street.
In Scotland, except among Catholics
and Church of England people, Christ
mas is scarcely noticed. Other denomi-
nations who notice the season, defer the |
rejoicings to Twelfth told Christmas)
day. A Scotchman, who was asked how |
Christmas was spent in his country, re-
piled: "Hoot, ava, mon, we dinna mind
the Yule-the Christmas ye ca it, mon.
A. we mind is New Years Day; and !
then every mon who can afford it gets
drunk"
"Oh, yes, wait till Christmas" snarled
the youthful scion, "that's always the
way. If / want new sled, wait till
Christmas; a pair of skates, wait till
Christmas. | waited last year, and 1
didn't get sled or skates either. Nothing
but book with red cover and little
baby card with verses onto it. Christ
mas is fraud. Boys never get nothing
they want" and he mentally resolved
that he would write to the President and
have him omit his Christmas proclama-
tion this year. :.