Middletown transcript., 1880-03-20


sixteen.
Put away his little puzzle,
He will never need it more;
For he's climed the asylum stairway,
Long with l3, IA, Is more.
Delaware newspapers have decided to not
kill the peach crop at as early date as usual
this year. This information is for the benefit
of our neighbors, who are getting anxious
about the matter.
A suitable reward will be paid at this ofict
for any information that will lead to the dis
cOVery Of man who has travelled in Colo
rado, and written about it, without relating
the story of the Englishman, who, being Sc
much deceived BY the distance to the mount.
aims, pulled off his shoes to wade fool-Eidt
irrigating ditch.
Here is little paterna advice Ny son, i
you would be great, if you would be heard ir
the councils of the Nation. if you would bt
chased BY another great man with a shot
gun, get right down from that goods box
and make the greatest effort of your life
Don't spend your valuable time in telling
what great man your grandfather was
leave that for your grandchildren.
A drug on The market-quinine.- e.--Sleuben,
Ville Herald
Water is intoxicating. Who hasn't heard
of a water-tight boat ? OHara Republican.
Selling cent sugar for 10 cents is among
the grocer pleasures Of life.-Aara'hon Lnde-
pendent.
OF all the works of man. he has never dis
covered way of getting out of this world
alive Ronkers Gazette.
Nc 0matter how many shoe buttoners wo-
man may lose, she always hairpins to have
one.-PhiIadelphia Sunday Item.
A Tenth street woman banged her heir the
other day, because be had been kept in at
chool.- Philadelphia Sunday Item.
The Legislature has just appropriated Sl9,-
900 for the blind. That makes it cost $685.
900 to come in, don't it.-Peck's Sun.
The only competition newspaper advertising
has is when there is a tea-party or sewing cir
Gle in the -DaaielsOnUilIe Sentinel.
John Cash of st. Louis recently assaulted
his wife with hatchet This Cash system is
not to be commended. - W0terloo Observer
'During rain Storm says Whitehall
young lady, ia young man with good um-
brela makes a splendid rain beau. p White
hall Times.
Why fellow feels all at sea at his own
wedding, when he is standing up with the
girl, is because he is a marry'n 'er.-NeW
Orleans Picdyune.
Mrs. Hayes weighs ia pounds, and after
she has been sitting on the Presidents knee
for fifteen minutes he sends in a veto.-G
aOanda Enterprise.
1t is asserted that when paragrapher gets
married, his jokes about woman become con-
siderably modified in their intensity, or else
cease altogether Hackensact Republican.
If as wise man said, 'Indolence is the
rust of the mind, we know few minds that
are so thoroughly oxidized you can't tell
which is rust and which is mind. .-Steu5enuiHe
Herald
James Dodge kebt grocery in Pennsyl-
vania town 25 years and never once put a line
in the local paper regarding his business. He
said he did not propose to have people call
him an advertising Dodge.-Rome Sentinel.
Move, move, move.
In trouble, vexation and spleen:
Tearing the hair by the roots from his head,
And leaving the baby to fall out of bed,
While he works at the game fifteen.
Ed l. T0rialls.
A German doctor has given it as his opin-
ion that singing will cure consumption 1t
depends on who sings. Some singing would
rupture a blood vessel and cause hemorrhage
on the healthiest consumptive.-Peck's Sun
No matter if be seems so kind,
Beware 0, gentle sisters,
Though TO his faults you may be blind,
Remember well, and bear in mind,
That all's not bliss that blisters.
ff10Hr B. B 6t1hHTygft 6t1hHTygfutt
Miss Clafin, Of Toledo, Ohio, FELL dead
while taking up a collection. We have
never seen any such luck as that in any
church that we attended. The collectors are
the healthiest men in the church.-Peeks s
Sun.
Two little boys were told not to eat Of a
certain cake. Nobody was in the room, the
temptation was strong, the cake was very
close to them, and as the elder reached FOR it
be said, "It's naughty, but it's nigh US. -
WiHiamsport Breakfast Table
The Delaware peach crop will be a failure
this year. We are not positive about this
in fact, don't know anything about it, but we
are bound to be ahead of the Delaware papers
this year, if it costs us something handsome
Salem Standard. Go up head, then.
The life of the late Marquis Of Anglesey
was insured to the amount Of So. 750, 600.
And his relatives don't go around pulling
their hair up by the roots aud asking one an
other, "0hl why did be die" The only
thing that worries them is why he didn't die
er.-Saadie Stone.
There's something stronger than pepper
sauce in this: The New York Tribune saws
''There's one thing the Democracy can't steal
aud that's the public confidence" and the
Cincinnati EngdirT retorts: chats abont
the only thing the Republican party hasn't
olen.-S0merCiIe Journal
WoRKIEGMEE.- Before you begin yuur