Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1880-06-10
FUN AND FROLIC.
FacetiOus Fragments Found Float.
InE in Fields OF Fact and Fancy,

know the prisoner Well 7" asked tn
attorney.
"Never knew him Sick" replied tn
witness.
"No levity," said the lawyer sternly
Now, sir did you ever see the prison
er at the bar 2"
81 took many drink with him a
the bar"
"Answer my question, SIR" yelled
the lawyer. "How long have yor
known the prisoner ?"
"From two feet up to FIVE feet ter
inches"
"Will the Court make"
81 have, Jedge," said the witnes:
anticipating the lawyer 81 knowed
the prisoner when he was a boy two
feet long and man five feet ten"
otis fact, ledge Pm under my
oath," persisted the witness.
The lawyer arose. placed both hands
on the table in front OF him, spread his
legs apart, leaned his body over the
table, and said:
"Will you tell the Court what you
know about this case :"
"That amt his name," replied the
witness.
"What amt his name :"
"Case."
"Who said 1t was 7"
You did. You wanted to know about
this case-his names Smith"
"Your honor" howled the attorney,
plucking his beard out by the roots,
twill you make this man answer?"
"Witness," said the Judge "you
must answer the questions put to you"
Gland e'Goshen, ledge, hain't I
been dom it Let the blamed cuss
fire away, I'm ready"
"Then," said the layer, "don't
beat about the bush any longer. You
and the prisoner have been friends 7"
Never" promptly responded the
prisoner.
what wasn't you summoned here
as q friend ?"
"No, sir. was summoned here as
Presbyterian. Nary one if us wss
never Friends-he's an old line Bap-
fist, without one drop Of Quaker in
him.
"Stand down." yelled the lawyer in
disgust.
"Hey ?"
"Stand d. w."
"Can't do it. I'll either sit down or
stand up"
" Sheriff, remove that man from the
box"
Witness retires, muttering, "Well, il
that fellow amt the thickest headest
cuss | ever laid eyes on"
Nor Such A FooL.-During English
elections there is always SLOTS of fun"
The late Sir Henry Smith, who was for
many years a member for Colchester,
when canvassing in person OIL one oc-
casion, asked big, dull-looking Essex
farmer for his vote. The farmer was
fine specimen of mingled bucolic indie
pendence and Of hick-headedness re.
too, for his brusqueness, and
he said bluntly: cpd vote for you,
Sir Henry, as usual, only folks tell me
you're such feol." STOOL, am I, re-
torted Sir Henry; "then, my good sir,
I'm the very man to represent you"
Down came the farmers heavy hand
upon Sir Henry's shoulder, as he ex-
with hearty laugh, "Come,
Pm gormed II that aren't good I'M
You re not such fool as I thought;
and you shall have my vote here's
ny hand upon it,"
"THE CIRCUS IS COMING" remarked
Mrs. Goodington, laying down her pa
per, with no end of trained cara
nels, hypothenuses and other bedezens
If the forest and jungle. How well
'emember the first time Daniel took me |
% circus As we entered the tainted
Enclosure, I said, 'how terribly the
Wild animalcules growl, don't they p
was eenamost frightened to death till
Daniel told me it was only the vendoes
# peanuts and prize packages plying
heir rogation."
When a young wife makes her first
nince pie the husband eats and tries to
Ook pleased, and says, sits delicious
ny darling" and thinks he's being
lind to the dear girl, when she'd a
Ieap rather he'd not touch it than to
sc him writhe and roll on the floor all
light and have him mistake her for
and have him cry: "Oh, call
# that dog with six tails Take away
hose hogs with fiery eyes Let me get
way from that bear with four mouths!
III !! !" A girl dossn't like to be mis-
AIKEN for such thirgs.
Johnny was frantic to go to the cir II
us, but papa urged school and
tudy, holding out dazzling vision of
be White House as the ultimate re-
ard Of assiduity. But, sad to say,
18th little effect, for the gracsless youth
aid f: "Father, are there not about a
lillion Of boys in the United States ?"
l believe so, my boy" Sand hasn't
very one chance of being President?"
He has," "Well, then, I'd sell out
~ chance for circus ticket" n
DR.. Murphy was Boosting recently
lat the climate of Minnesota Keats the
innate of California or any other
tate, and with triumphant air Of ex-
ltation, exclaimed, "Look at me, and Z
phold my beautifully rounded form.
7hen came here weighed 81 pounds "
nd now I weigh 275 pounds. What :
. you think Of that :" One Of the
ms Of the late Bishop Willoughby,
landing by, said: "Why, doctor,
lat's nothing; look at me; l weigh n
rs pounds, and when | came to Min o