The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-10-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

a ia chap is "too lazy to walk" how
is IL that SO many indOlent fellows
run into temptation?
An Irish sailor visited city, where,
he said, they per-bOttomed the
tops Of the houses with sheet lead.
An English professor of waltzing
avs that The best rule is "spring and
eide" Puck advises Practice on an
eranye-peel-
This is the latest for wedding invi-
tatiops, "Come round and see US cap
ture 3 i,rother-in-law, at eight o'clock
sharp."
at is not the truth in her remarks"
aid suffering husband, pointing to
His wife, stlsat aggravates me, but 1T
70 the crushing quantity of remarks
that abe puts in her. truth"
They were at a dinner party, and he
remarked that he supposed she was
fond Of ethnology.- She said she was,
but she was not very well, and the
doctor had told her not to eat any thing
for dessert but oranges.
sSo,p said lady recently to mer-
chant, syour pretty daughter has mar
ried rich husband?" "Well," slowly
replied the father, Il believe she has
married rich man, but 1 understand
he is very poor husband"
"Darling," she whispered, as he
bent his ears back to catch her tender
eccents, won't you please go buy some
Of that elegant lace i'll the dry goods
window for me?" ayes, my ownest,
he murmured. He went by it all and
never stopped unfeelins wretch!
"a stranger passing graveyard, /,
and seeing a hearse standing hard by,
INQUIRED who was dead. The sexton
informed him. "What complaint! Z"
asked the inquisitive one. Said the
old man: "Tncre is no complaint; !;
every body is satisfied.
A company OF scape.race meeting
q pious old man named Samson, one OF
them exclaimed, "Ah, now we're safe |!
Well take Samson along with us and, I,
then. should we be set upon by a
thousand Philistines, he'll slay them
aliin "My young FRIEND" quietly
responded the old man, "to do that
should have to borrow your Jaw
bone I" .-
A physician, heavily loaded with
town-lots, for which he had paid only
In part, hastily prescribed box OF
pills for q patient, and allowed his
mind to wander back to his real es-
tate. The patient asked how the pills
were to be taken. The doctor replied
aOne-third down, and the rest in SIX
and twelve months, with interest"
~You had better change that rug"
said q lady to her servant. "DoHt
you think it corroborates with the
carpet in this way?" was the response.
1t was the same girl who told her mis-
tress that q gentleman with pretfic-
sment in his speech had called to see
her.-Andre,o's Queen. -=---
They begged him to play q little.
He seemed to feel bashfui at first, but
sfter while began to play vigorous
". "What powerp said listener to
the owner Of the piano. Yes" ex-
claimed the latter in alarm, "hc seems
70 have considerable muscle but he
oaght to know that this isn't a'gyn-
nasium."
What is more beautiful than the
simple, guileless faith of little child
The other Sunday a certain maiden of
tender years was overheard by her
mother singing In tones both loud and
swcet. and with a vigor born of q pair
OF lungs in magnificent working or
der, that charming ballad, whoa,
Emma!" Instantly flashed into the
mind of the mother, "What will the
neighbors say when they hear my
child singing that horrid heathen
sonzr' So, quickly calling the little
ono to her, she said, "My darling, it Is
sunday, and it is naughty to sing
who's, Emn,aP' to-day. Can't you
sing something clse?" "Yes, mamma!
III change the words" and once more
the tunefuI voice rang out with the
air the same, but the words changed
to aW hoa, Jesus!