The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-02-10
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
"AKE you fond Of game ?" asked
Belinda's husband, sticking his fork
INTO the canvas-back. Mrs. Gonding-
ton did not answer Tor a moment. 1t
was clear that the query had callea up
recol!ections Of the past. Looking up,
with smile perambulating around the
deep ruts Old Time had worn I'm her
kindly face, she said: "When Daniel
was alive we used to have Il good rub
ber OF whist now and then; but as for
your ncwlangicd games, s;!ch as eureka
cabbage and physique, Pm too old to
learn any of them. But don't mind
me, Theodore; If the young folks want
to play, let them. | would be the last
to Interfere with any Of their harmless
denominations"
PERTINENT QUERIEs.-What does the
billet douX? What check did counter
sign' Who ever saw hood wink?
who saw pig iron2 What does egg
plant? Why did the thunder bolt?
VINO ever heard a foot ball? Why did
the dew drop? Where does clock
work? What did plough share? VINO
eyer saw wheel wrightS For whom
did penny weight? Who did tin foil?
What did brandy smashY What did
grass plotp What was it grape shot?
What did the picket? Who did the
goose berry? Is 1t jokes that Jim
cracks?
a GERMAN physician, WHO has given
much attention to the subject. has come
to the conclusion that the only way to
preserve peace among. women of
household when they are kept within
doors. is to obligc|them to keep absolute
silence. Oh, yes TO pen half all zen
women up in IL house and keep them
from talking, Is one Of the easiest things
I'm the world. You have noticed this,
no doubt. All you have to 10 is to kill
the women. You m'glt gag them, but
the sllreSt and least troublesome plan is
TO kill 'cm. 1t is a very simple remedy.
MAN with his bride stopped at
hotel the other day. AT dinner when
the waiter presented the bill of fare,
the young man inquired, "What's
that?" 'Tha,'s Il bill Of fare" said
the waiter. The man took it in his
hand, looked inquiringly at his wife.
and then at the waiter aud finally dove
into his pocket and insnuatingly in
quircd, GLOW much is ?"
ASK rr.-Up ut our boarding house
young Sr!lfkinS was discovered max
ing strange faces.
'What's the matter, Mr.. Sniffkins ?"
asked hnwk.cycd Mrs. Brown, who
runs the acknowledgements paradise.
"rhc butter!' gaspcd he.
"W hats the matter with the butter ?"
she asked. bridling up.
ASK it," replied that impudcnt
young Sniiikins. "By its breath !
should judge it was plenty old enough
to speak for itsclf!'
SAID an old farmer of the. Jersey
highlands to his daughter, fresh from
boarding. school :--"No, Jane, we
hainC gol no napkins, m we don't eat
with no forks 'n' we do shovel M thcr
grub, 'n' we do smack, an we git our
elbows onto thcr table; yes, we DO all
OF that; but Jane; we've got the pork
anu bcanS.'
SIZE was Il school teacher, and had to
teach morals as we'll rs arithcmctic, so
when big oath came from little
him climb into her lap and proceed to
tell him to Swear not at ALL" ~
didn't swear ut ALL jist cursed one
Teller, and you would too, if he'd
chucked Il snow ball down your back. !"
I" IS there any thing that will make
grain come up Quck ?" asked the gen
ticman farmer Of The old husbandman,
"Wcll, no; [ don't know of nothin'
tina IL do it," was the genial old fellows
reply, unless it's crows.'' Then the
gentleman farmer wanted TO know
where he co I'D get some.
WE hear Of Il man who has had five
wives and has just married the sixth.
1t Is, however, due to the unfortunate
man to state that he has been totally
blind tor many ears.
AN unsuccessful politician says that
most difficult vacancies for him to
iii are the vacancies in his own and
his tamily's slomachs.
THERE arc moro watches worn In tho
United States than in any other coun-
try. But 10 the people have better
time?
A LOVER will often take whole hour
TO press his suit. when any smart tailor
VIII 90 it for him in less than an hour.
.IHERE IS now anu then thing
which the more it IS cut the longer It
gro Ws-a ditch, for example.
A NEW book, like fresh lobster,
doesn't benefit man much until 1t is
read and digested.
AAf man pays too much for his
whistle when he has wet it fifteen or
twenty times day.
YOUNG lady is not like a tree. You
cannot estimate her age by counting
her rings.
81 ORlES HIST hrLrl at u mOthGr'S K zoe