Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-11-09
zancaster fntelIige,lrer.
The Way Of the World.

Fresh GIsanings from the Home and For
cign Crop OF HumOr.
Every man who runs for an Office can
not expect to catch it.
When the shopman seizcs you warmly
by tho hand as you enter his establish
ment you readily understand what is meant
by pressure OF business.
The early bird catches the worm. Later
in the day the lcisurcly sportsman gathers
in the bird
A man never realizes the truth of the
saying time is money" more fully than
VIII cn lie leaves his watch with a pawn.
broker.
Comets are wearing as long trains this
season as usual.
This is an inscription on New England
tombstone
When dear papa went up to Heaven,
What great grief mamma endured
And yet that gricf was sottened, for
Papa he was insured
"Byron, my son." said 4 literary father
to his athletic son. - Byron never played
bascball.'' No said the boy, pulling on
his orange -colored shirt, and George
Washington never wrote poetry
Boy (to 4 lady visitor): Teacher,
there's gal over there a winkin' at me. |"
Teacher ''Wcli, then, don't look at her. y
Boy: But if don't look at her She II wink
at somebody else
People say they shell peas when they
unshell them husiz corn when they un-
husk it dust furniture when they undust
it skin a calf when they unskin it a; scale
fishes when they unscalc them weed
their gardens when they unweed them.
Tourist q: d" say boy, what's the name
of that hill yonder - Boy: Dunno"
Tourist .'Don't know What lived
here all your life and don't know the name
of it. 'Boy No ; the hill was here afore
Icom'd.'
81 want TO see the villain W hO wrote
this article. Where's the prop rictor of
this paper - "IIc's out sWhcrc's tho
managing cditor:'' "t!e's out. -
Where's tkc city cditor?''' "He's out. =
where's A,c rcportcr:' Giles out
"Whcre' m - CRickctty slam-bang jam
Two ranes Of glass broken.) "IOu're
out" Man found on sidewalk and car
ried to hospital.
81 have weighed the two pounds of but
ter You sent us this morning." said an
irate customer to a dealer in the above
mentioned article, land am surprised to
find that it is short weight just three
ounces. If that is your way of dealing, l
must buy my butter somewhere else. -
The butter merchant looked up surprised,
but without declaring his Innocence, re-
piled "Wcil, that is very strange, be-
cause l put the two pounds of sugar l
bought of you in the scales and gave you
the full weight in butter"
A young mother, in despair of ever
teaching her idle little girl, aged four, her
letters, and i!,inkim" that perhaps the
child knew more than she would admit,
said: Now, Katie. won't try to teach
you to-day You shall be mother and
teach me my lettcrs.'' "May I really and
truly be ,notI,cr?' said Kate. "Ycs my
darling" Let US begin, thcn," was the
resp nse. - You have been 4 very good
child to-day, and you may have a whole
holiday and Katie shut rp the bool. and
ran Off laughing.
They were very fond of each other and
had been engaged but they quarrcled
and were too proud to make it up. He
called a few days ago at her father s
housc-to see the old gentleman Oh bust
ness of course. She was at the door.
Said he: "Ah! Miss Blank, l believe.
Is your father mo" "No SIR she re-
piled. ''Pa is not in at present. Did you
wish to sec him personality" YES, :"
was the bluff response, feeling that she
was yielding, "and very particular per-
sonal business. and he turned proudly to
so away. IL beg your par,lon,'' she
called after him. as he struck the lower
step; "but who shall l say called ."
He never smiled again. This was too
cruel