The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-12-01
FLOATING FANOIEs.

A Jersey, like a coat Of mail,
The shapely form encases,
And to a dainty waist can't fail
To add developed grac s.;
To draw it on requires a knack
Quite easy to attain,
But what a business tits, good lack,
To get it Off again.
The Philadelphia Telegraph says: s'Every
time a child is born in st. Louis a cry goes up
for a new census"
Now is the time to graft Jersey sausages
on your buckWheat cake bushes. One bunch
of sausages to each buckwheat cake will te
sufficient.
A correspondent who said he was going to
"vote as he shot, had his ballot carefully
put among the scattering" by the judicious
inspector.
ST declared" exclaimed a slovenly writer,
II wish I could find q pen that would just
suit me-" And instantly came the chorus,
''Try a pig pen"
A man who is sixty years old has spent
twenty years of his life in sleep unless he is
a laborer on d morning newspaper, when he,
probably, has been awake sixty-fye years.
"What decoration is that you are wearing?'
said an Austrian sergeant to a new recruit.
The man flushed deeply and responded, cit
is a medal our COW won at the cattle show"
The editor wrote An evening with Saturn
and it came out in the paper, 'sAn evening
with Satan" It was mighty rough, but the
foreman said it was the work Of the "devil."
And it looked that way
The Detroit Free Press man thinks kissing
pretty giIls must be froWned down. He'll
find that it takes a mighty powerful frown
to stop it, and we doubt if he won't have to
sail in with q club besides, to successfully in
terrupt the fun.
When Mr.. Maginnis's attention was called
to the molten lava flowing from the crater Of
Mt. .Vesuvius, on his first and only visit to the
land of hand organs, he very naturally asked
how the 'spoor crater cam to overload its
shtomach SO dridfully."
Take the names from flags now waving
They have had their little day.
Are your uniforms worth saving?
Then let them be packed away,
Put the drums where none will take 'em;
Hide the torch behind the door,
See that none can find and break lem;
TrOt 'em out in "a.
A service was recently announced at ST.
Matthews Sydenham, London, s'for children
of the upper classes" Whereupon the fol-
lowing amendment to the %well-known saying
was promptly offered by q newspaper COM
mentator, "Suffer little children Of the up
per classes to come unto me"
A party Of scapegraces, meeting a pious
claimed, "Ah, now we're safe! Wen take
Samson along with us, and then. should we
be set upon by q thousand Philistines, he'll
STAY them all" "My young friend" quietly
responded the old man, "To do that should
have to borrow your i%awbone."
He was trying to push himself through the
crowd the other day at q fire on Galveston
avenue, when he was halted by a policeman.
Il am a member of the interior press"
Show do I know you are a member Of the
press? Where are your credentialas?" "Cre-
dentials? Well, just smell my breath if you
don't believe me, and he breathed in the face
of the minion of the law.
"When { first got at it the printers would
draw lots for my copy, and those who got q
slice of it would 60 round to hire a boy to
kick them down stairs and break their necks.
However, there was one old fellow who
thirsted after it, and when he got a piece of
it he Immediately put on q sub and went out
and got drunk. Under any other circum-
stances he would have been discharged. LIDO
better now. I had to, because it had almost
broken up the printers temperance union.
The patrons of the cause in Burlington
traced the thing back to me and | had to i'm
prove my copy. It didn't hurt me much, but
It was q terrible blow on the printers. Bur
dette 5n Burlington H0apkeye.
Boiling Water I'm n Sheet OF Water.
@ NUf1,no 10 ~, hfslh1rr q carinc of attractive