The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-02-07
VARIETY.

Mr.. Denis kearney is in Boston, and has been
interviewed by the Herald, which was obliged to
go out and borrow a lot Of dashes to fill the
blank places in his conversation.
The just published report of an Irish benevol-
ent society says: - Notwithstanding the large
amount paid for medicine and medical attendance
very few deaths occurred during the year"
letter was mailed at Des Moines the other
day with this inscription on the envelope {:
- Postmaster, If not delivered in three hundred
and sIxty-fve days burn It, and will send man
for him"
Without GlOves.-A Michigan Journal says:
''In this State etiquette permits bride TO be
married without gloves, because that's the way
she handles the groom after the marriage"
In the room Of a railroad depot Iowa is the
following p!acard over the clock behind the
counter: This is a clock; it Is running; it is
Chicago time; it is right; il is set every day at
10 O'Clock; now keep your mouth shut"
Who wouldn't rather be President than be
right Come, now. shirking. The salary Of
the President is $4,000 a year; the salary Of
being right is all the way from $l5 month
down to splitting wood for a cold dinner.
All this talk about Vanderbilt selling the New
York Central to avoid a Capitalization OF power
is well enough for shallow minds, but the deep
thinkers Of America know better. Mrs. Van
derbilt wants n winter bOnnct.-ChicagO Trib-
une.
ONE TONGUE ENOUGH.-s' No. exclaimed Mr..
Penhecker. - No, madam, object most decid-
edIy. Once and for all say 1.-THE girls shall
not be taught foreign languages - And why
not, pray p said Mrs. p, with whitening sar-
easm- - Because" said Mr.. p, with more
whitening sarcasm, 50 because, Mrs. P, one
tongue is enough for any woman - Mrs. Pen
hecker responded not
Boys must be disciplined The palm Of the
parental hand will do, il applied during the first
five years; a switch, IL delayed five years longer
and n club, put OF till three times i've years are
attained After that, rs demonstrated twice in
Chicago during the past week, fathers have 10
shoot rebellious sons dead on the spot.
What is heII2'' asked a Lutheran Sunday
school teacher OF a Limestone street boy IN class
last Sabbath. - shirt with button of,
ma am, j." replied the boy. - Explain yourself;
what do you mean, sir ?'' demanded the meek
spirited but surprised teacher. {" Well. heard
my pa say 70 my ma, the other morning, when be
put on a shirt with the neck-button Of, Well,
this is hell That's all 1 know about it,
Nelg Orleans Item.
A lady m Cambridge, who lives alone, was
somewhas startled the other day by a man who
came to the door, and without assigning any
reason for his coming began series of questions,
Who lives here p etc. ." Any man in the
house 2" he continued. - No" " Do you
keep a dog2 No" At this point, fearing
sbe had put herself in the villains power the
The man started in astOnishment for an instant
and beat hasty retreat. lie was a tax collector,
and now he Is firmly opposed to woman suffrage
The German girls are rebelIing against a Gus
tom which makes them much mere property |
for sale aud insist that they have hearts. |
Emma" :" said q bOndhOlder whose purse held |
more than his head, It is time for you to marry
Your mother and have chosen neighbOr Grun's |
son. and the affair progresses favorably." :" But |
I don't love him, don't respect him, and won't |
marry him." cried Emma. {" What bosh,' an |
swered the enraged parent. :" So you, too, have |
got hold Of those new notions. just look at |
your mother and me- Did we ever respect each |
other, should like to know? Did we ever love /
each other2 And yet we've lived together for 1
fifty years, ard I'm worth a million. .''-EHgHsh |
paper.
A lady correspondent IN France writes as fol- |
lows " What queer ideas you Americans have /
over there :" said FrenchwOman TO me as we /
stood one day waiting for our glasses to be filed
at one Of the springs OF NIchy- - Such drOll |
people But is it really true that you make
crow the potato (sweet pOtatO) by wetting a /
common potato vine with mOlasses and water 2''
Heughl those miserable, radical Americans
said an Imperialist once in my hearing; they /
plant their dead fathers and mothers in their
vegetable gardens, tnat thus their beans and /
asparagus may have more nOurishing properties"
So Your American mothers seem to Us mad, y said /
q Frenehman. Z" They often permit their daugh-
ters to 90 away on travelling excursions OF week
at time with their faHcss. OF course It is
true, for | read it in the Figaro" - Wha.
would your men do If your American ladies did
not provide spittOons in their drawing-roOms
Do you believe they really would spit upon the
floor ?'' said another. - The only American
woman I ever saw had great beard, said q
stout paysanne to me among the mountains Of
Auvergne - saw her in a show the year 1 /
went 20 Lyons. l thought all American women
were like that. But am sure you quite as
pretty as a FrenchwOmau," she added, patroniz-
En0Iv, It was IN that same village, forty miles
from n railway, and IN secluded a mountain
nook that it was the site Of Trappist mOnas-
tery. that was followed by every inhabitant Of
the village as I walked with my French COM
panion through the main street. - Look at the
American" they cried TO each other, - she's
painted 20 look like Frenchwomanl' - had
not an atom Of powder upon my face, and had
travelled fourteen miles since morning IN an open
carriage under an August sun. That L was as
red as a dahlia was only proof that my natural
coffee color lay deep under layers Of cosmetic.
For did not all those Auvergnats know well that