The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-12-18
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

POOR gab-aNcThkS Sohb'~'
A nsssine eyent--"I make II next"
Oueer kind of love-A neuralgia affection
The hest throw az dice is--throw them away.
An unmistakable case Of black.bawling "a cry
ing negro baby.
The final gobble OF a turkey comes after HE
death.
A gentleman named his dog penny because it
was one cent to him.
,,Tis sweet To be remembered" as the man
said when he got a cork lcg-Andrecs' QUEEN
Poor people eat mutton because 1t is sheep
and rich people eat venison because II is deer
Accident dc lamour," is what Sarah Bern
hart calls it.
The grub makes the butterfly when the gruo
is hot DISQUALIFICATION Transcript.
Speaking of Sarah, the Syracuse HerdH con-
cludes that she's naughty but she's nice
Chow to Treat Watch" is the title of an ar
+icIe in ChaD.bers's Journal. To ark all hands up
is one way.
One of the greatest difficulties that Garfield
will have to encounter will be how to dispose OF
the truly great men OF Ohio.
1.-THE democratic party has got bad name. v
Beecler's Sermon Henry Ward Beecher has got
bad name, still he lives and thrives.
The Detroit Free Press believes that the scenes
of the new play, Five Hundred Thousand Dey-
lis" must be laid in Chicago.
Anew piece Of music is entitled, dance me
on your knee, darling. She evidently wants 10
find out II he is ringing In wooden leg on her.
A Danbury man, says the Ne,cs went to New
York with hammer last week to secure piece
OF the obelisk. But the police nabbed him be-
fore Egypt it off
Prof. Rice, the Rochester astronomer, says that
Saturn does not retire until O'Clock A. N. This
is the first intimation that planets played poker.
Henry Ward Beecher thinks honest men are
Every scarce in the market" Honest men are
never in the market but that don't prevent Bee
cher from being there.
GLOW do you pronounce s-t-n-g-y" PROBES
sor Stearns asked the young gentlemen nearest
foot of the class. And the smart boy stood up
and said it depended a great deal whether the
word applied to man or bee.
Some tar is kept hot in kettle on the Com
mon at Meeker, Mimi, the residents taking turns
at watching the fire. The tar is TO be used on
man who is of on wedding tour with his niece,
II he proves bold enough to return.
Tho Mendoza Post suggests that probably Tul-
lis, the hotel keeper of that town who recently
run Off with STA collected by a local Methodist
Sunday school for the heather, has gone to carry
the gift to the heather in person.
c. B. Farwell, of Chicago, has sued the Chica-
70 Ne,cs for $4,000, to repair the damage done
TO his character by article in that paper. What
earthly use can professional poker player and
congressman have for $50, 600 character?
The Vermont housewife who read that English
mobiles have lots Of hares in their preserves says
she tried it in some blackberry jam and doesn't
believe the foreign storlcs.-Boston Globe.
"Do you pay for poetry" asks young lady in
Ohio We do. II written on white paper 1t is
worth one cent pound. Most papers do not pay
for poetry, but we want to encourage genius in
substantial manner.
Chang, giant tits Of thee,
Thou ponderous Chinee-
or thee we sing.
With all the rest SO small
How did you grow so tall?
Did boiled rice do II all?
Oh, huge Chang.Chng.
LAWYER L., of this city, has Il class of young
law students who come TO him two or three times
week for instruction. One Of them undertook
the other morning to give Ben" u poser in this
wise: "The plaintiff swears hit him. | swear
that didn't. Now what can the lawyers make
out OF that if we go to trial." Five dollars a
piece" was the prompt reply.
nj IN, ~.
snow blockade, penned a dispatch which ran
thus: my dear sir, have every motive for Wis
iting you, except a locomotive" Sowas the 9th
err who, under similar circumstances, telegraphed
10 his firm in New York: 81 shall not be in the
Office to-day as ! have not got home yesterday
yet"
Somebody's lips were close to mine;
Thus tempted, couldn't resist.
ROgush and rosy, sweet little mouth
Was suddenly, softly kissed
Somebody's eyes looked up and frownej
With such reproying glance,
"If kisses were wickedY' asked my pet
Then ths eyes began to dance.
And, smiling the little maid answered,
As knet there at her feet;
They must be ltslc bit naughty,
Or they wouldn't be so sweet"
Deacon Peter Adams OF the First African
Methodist church Of St. Louis had an elaborate
wedding, but Mrs. Morrison, the priestess OF the
Absolom Aid Association Of the same church,
and a former intimate friend OF the bride, was
not invited Late at night Mrs. Morrison pro-
vided her four sons with COWS horn, gridiron,
bell, and tin pan, and led them out to seren.
ade the happy pair. The uproar was tremen-
dous, and the Deacon dubbed his visitors away.
The parties were in police court next day, and
one Of the features Of the examination was con.
Trajectory testimony as to the verse that the
priestess sang under the window. She swore i,
was as follows; T..
Peter Adams and his wife
May they lead a joyful life.