Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1880-11-12
STTCRLEBACR.

(Thomas Stickleback enters at P. NJ, and
relieves himself upon the eleotion.)
"Waal, Mrs. Stickleback, I'm perfectly
disgustid, and hev half mind to retire from
pollytics durin' the rest NV my nat'ral life, an
leave the country to go to everlAstin' smash.
We CHATS Joe Spikenard, an Jim Spigler,
an Bill Sloper an me) hev hoped suthin
would turn up at last 10 save the country
from room. Joe Spikenard b'lieves in dreams,
and sed his gran died abed, Just as
his father dreamed she would. Night before
lection, Joe dreamed that Mr.. Garfield was
shut up in prison, in a cell that he'd on the
preponderous door these words No. 329.
Hancock elected. No recurrence Of the fraud
Of 1876" An he sed this was his only re-
mainin' hope. His faith in dreams is shook
sum. Bill Sloper alters had pious way, an
he held out to the last an sed that Providence
would see US through this inquest, an save
the country. Now he sez there amt no Prov
idence and IL there is, it amt no match for
the Republicans. This is great blow to us
after so much hard work. We told the people
of the extravaganza of the Republicans in
Vermont with tears in our eyes and brutherly
luv in our harts. We told 'em how Vermont
he'd borrowed 1850, 900, that would hev to be
paid on top of the usual taxes but they lent
q def ear to our intreatiz to eleck the Dimi
cratic ticket, an rolled up bigger majority
for the black Republicans than ever before
We told the people that Garfield took $500
Of dishonest money out Of Mr.. Mobiller, an
we pat it in the Reformer an all the other
! niDicraiin roparu IN tba couptry an1 IN ha
bridges and fences; an the ongrateful people
paid no more attenshun to it than ez il we'd
whistled Yankee Doodle"
''They knew the statements to be false or
partially made to deceive them, l presume" 4"
replied Mrs Stickleback.
"Then we printed the Chinese letter as a
last resort-Joe Sikenard called it the "derned
resort" for French, and it hez proved dern-
ed bad resort for us. think that letter was
great mistake, an cost us menny thousan'
votes. 1t might hev done good, il the clum-
sy critters hedn't made sich bungle Of it. We
was discurridged some at the vote of Ohio an
1njeanny in October, but we expected our
friends out there would put in votes enough
to carry the states for Hancock in November
or make up the defshunsy by countin'. An
York States gone, too, strangely, when our
rool orter be well understood thereto vote
airly n off'n"
Mr.. Stickleback, you appear to be in great
dependency over result that ought TO be
regarded as a great political blessing. As
soon as you opened the door, saw that some
thing unusual was the matter. When the
corners Of your mouth are drawn down 80
that that indispensable aperture resembles q
horseshoe, the presumption is strong that you
are under intense physical or mental suffer
ing"
Mrs. Stickleback we're in a diploma l
want the tax on whiskey reduced, 10 that suf.
ferin' people can git some. Jim Spigler
wants the post offs Joe Spikenard was
promised an offs under the gov v'ment if Han
cock was electid, and Bill Sloper was sure Of
suthin fer his noble demeaner durin' the war,
fur he never desertid the Dimecratic ranks,
nd was alwuz anxious to stop the confusion
of blood And what to do with the powder
is question. They told Inc TO buy it nd
sh'd hev my pay, nd now they don't remem-
Der the bargin. Tain't paid fur, nd don't
see where the moneys comm from, fur moth
in will now be saved on whiskcy."
''Sell it to the Republicans" suggested
Mrs. Stickleback
''Sell it to the Spanisrdsl Mrs Sickle
back, desire to know Of you intend to add
insult to injury? You know that full half of
them constipatid Republicans are afraid of
powder seuce they got through shootin Dim
ecrats, wich they called savin' the nation.
You might as well try to sell a copy of the
Testamint to a dead Cossack. When they
kerried InjeAnny which they thought ez good
ez lost, not blastid gun did they shoot in
my hearin', but went about their usual con-
vocations ez ef nothin had broke. In some
places blieve they lit few candles nd hol-
lerd sum-"
"Well, Mr. Stickleback, that shows excel
lent sense and good economy. The Republi-
cans Of the rural districts especially, are not
30 prone to burn gunpowder as the Demo
Gratis. Sometimes, at the news of a great
and important victory, like the one just
achieved, they ape their Democratic friends
but the more sensible demonstration appears
to be torchlights, as symbolical of the triumph
Of right over wrong, of truth over error, as
light is the triumph over darkness Iobserve
that you facetiously call these demonstrations
lighting candles; but"
Mrs. Stickleback, ye don't know nothin
about politics nor patriotism. The Dimecrats
hev bin kept out of Office fur twenty years,
md hev grown raggid md hungry, nd if they'd
electid Hancock don't ye s'pose they'd rejoice
at the prospect of the offices nd the glorious
opportunities nd dye spose they'd let sch
a victry pass with lightin' candle or two
No, Mrs. Stickleback they'd shute." And
simultaneously with the pronunciation of the
word "shute" Thomas Stickleback brought
down his right oowhide boot upon the floor,
jarring the house, and then rushed into the
street to meet his companions in disappoint
ment. HECTOR.
Wilmington, VT