The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1880-04-07
me Brakeman who Went to Church.

Which do you guessP" he asked.
Some union mission church,"
hazarded.
Nav" he said "I don't like to run
on these branch roads very much.
don't often go to church. and when l
do, l want to run on the main line,
where your run is regular and you go
ON a schedule time and don't have TO
wait on connections. / don't like to run
on branch. Good enough, but don't
like It,"
" Episcopalp" guessed.
Limited express" he said, call pail
ace cars and two dollars extra for n
seat; fast time, and only stops Mt the
big stations. Nice line, but too ex-
haustive for brakeman. All train men
in uniform. conductors punch and
lantern silver plated, and no train
boys allowed Then the passengers are
allowed to talk back at the conductor; !;
and it makes them too free and easy
No, couldn't stand the palace cars.
Rich road, though. Don't often hear
Of a receiver being appointed for that
line. Some mighty nice people travel
on il, too"
Universalistp" ?" 1 guessed.
Broad gauge" said the brakeman,
"does too much complimentary busi-
Conductor doesn't get fare once in
fifty miles. Stops at all flag stations,
and won't run into anything but a
union depot. No smoking car on the
train. Train orders are vague, though.
. and the trainmen don't get along well
with the passengers. No, don't go to
the Universalist, though 1 know some
awfullly good men who run on that
road"
Perhaps you went to the Unitari-
ansP"
No, didn't, but might have done
worse. That is mighty good road,
well ballasted with reason, though it
runs through a region little bit cold.
anC there is apt to be some ice and
snow on the track, but in case of acci-
dent there is no danger of upsetting the
stoves and being burnt up; and there's
one good thing about it, the neighbors
are generally ready to come and help
when you do get into trouble. They
like to have things nice and comfort
able in this world, doing what they
think is about right and taking their
chances for the other. They don't seem
to take much stock in being as miser-
able as you can here in the hope that
you will be the happier for it there.
They seem to think that q mans going
to reap the same kind of crop that he
plants, and that if he puts in selfish,
worthless kind of life on this eartn it
ain t a-going to come out a very fine
specimen in heaven. Seems to me
some sense as well as poetry in that
but was raised an orthodox and
'twouldn't do for me to be seen on that
train or | might lose my place on the
other line, as there's a good deal of
YNnf hot 4
our folks are getting afraid of losing
travel"
Presbyterian" asked.
Narrow gauge. ehP" said the brake
man, pretty track, straight as a rule;
tunnel right through mountain rather
than go around it; spirit level grade;
passengers have to show their tickets
before they get on the train. Mighty
strict road, but the cars are little mar
row; have to sit one in seat and no
room in the aisle to dance. Then there's
no stop-over tickets allowed got to 90
straight through to the station you're
ticketed for, or you can't get on at all.
When the cars full, no extra coaches;
cars built at the shops to hold just so
many and nobody else allowed on. But
you don't often hear of an accident on
this road. It's run right up to the
rules"
Maybe you ined the free thinkersP"
said.
"Scrub road" said the brakeman,
" dirt road bed and no ballast; no time
card and no train dispatcher. All
trains run wild and every engineer
makes his own time, just as he pleases.
Smoke if you want to; kind of go-as-
you-please road. Too manv side tracks
and every switch wide open all The
time, with the sWitchman sound asleep
and the target lamp dead out. Get on
rs you please and get off when you
want to. Don't have to show your
tickets, and the conductor isn't expected
TO do anything but amuse the passen-
gers. No, sir, | was offered pass, but
| don't like the line. | don't like to
travel on a line that has no terminus.
DO you know, sir, | asked a division
superintendent where that road run to,
and he said he hoped to die if he knew.
asked him if the general superinten-
den. could tell me, and he said he
didn't believe they had a general su-
perintendent, and If they had he didn't
know any more about the road than
the passengers. l asked him who he
reported to, and he said nobody /
asked conductor who he got his or
ders from, and he said he didn't take
orders from any living man OF dead
ghost. And when asked the engineer
who he got his orders from, he said
he'd like to see anybody give him or
ders, he'd run that train to suit him
self or he'd run it into the ditch. Now
you see, sir, I'm railroad man, and
don't care to -un on road that makes
no connections. runs nowhere and has
no superintendent. 1t may be all right,
but l'vs railroaGed too long to under
stand it,"
Did you try the MethodistP"
asked.
Now you're shouting" he said with
some enthusiasm. mice road. eho
Fast time and plenty of passengers.
Engines carry power of steam, and
don't you forget it; steam gauge shows
a hundred and enough all the time
Lively road; when the conductor
shouts all aboard, you can hear him
TO the next station Every train lannn