The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1880-05-12
HOME.
Unseifishness Indispensable to Home Hap
piness-The Rewards OF Perfect Confidence
Between Husband and Wife
[signor Max in Detroit Free Press,

|.
Between Husband and Wife.
[sgnOr Max in Detroit Free Press.l
Who gathers up the multitudinous threads
that compose the warp and wool of family
life, and arranges them in the loom in such
order that the unskillful may fly the shuttle
and see the fabric take form and color under
their hands, must often seem to be engaged
in trifing work. And yet he must not over
look a single thread, if he would preserve
the beauty and harmony and completeness
of his design. Nothing that appertains to
the family relation should be regarded as
unimportant; and no effort that can be made
to set out'the exact power of each factor In
this great problem can wisely be omitted.
The danger of fatal error in the result is too
great not to render the utmost care the all
important consideration in domestic arithme-
tic. 1t will not surprise me TO hear intelli-
gent persons say that 1 attach too much
significance to these units, but / can only
answer that if it were not for the units we
should have no grand aggregate. There is
this difference between what / may call
literal arithmetic and my new science of
domestic numbers. In the former you can
not multiply apples by marbles, nor pounds
sterling by the dollars of our fathers;
but in the latter there is no obstacle in the
way of multiplying smiles by cheerful words,
patience by manly virtues, or a compliment
to your wife by an invitation to a picnic. L
have sometimes had my own credulity little
shaken at the enormous product of happiness
thus obtained by families who have become
adopts in this kind of multiplication. / am
only beginner in it, but the system is easy
to comprehend, and progress is sure and
rapid for every pupil who brings to thestudy
of it moderate dregree of application. The
facility with which il is acquired is perhaps
not the least of its recommendations That
may also be the main reason why it has not
been adopted generally. 1t is not the only
good thing that men have indifferently or
contemptuously ignored because of its easy
achievement. The boy who raids your or
chard prefers the apple on the topmost limb
to that which he can reach from the ground,
because of the purely fictitious value he
attaches to whatever he has labored hardest
to secure. There is something of the same
spirit in those husbands and wives, fathers and
mothers, who seek happiness IN the pursuit
of wealth or in the feted embrace of society
the while they ignorantly crush under foot
the buds of Joy that are ready to burst into
blossom in their own neglected homes.
Make home your chiefest solicitude, and by
beautiful reciprocity it will repay you with
| bounties richer than speech can tell, sweeter
| than sleep can dream.
There is no rational or possible happiness
| to which the wife and husband may not as
pire with hopeful promise of attainment but
| there is one way, and only one way, to ach-
| ieve it. Each must live for the other. Alb
solute unselfshness is the indispensable con-
| dition. Theologists tell us that except we be-
| lieve we can not be saved. L do not care now
| to dispute them. 1t is not matter of spirit.
| ual salvation l am dealing with. Heretical
as it may seem, 1 shall beg the privilege to
| suggest that the theme in hand is of more
| practical and immediate concern than all the
| theologies rolled in one from the Vedas t.
| the Fox Sisters. would rather trust my OWL
| salvation to such letters of credit as the COCO
man in his home may carry to the eterna
| gates than to any or all inventions of thee
| logy. Unselfshness can not exist without
| sincere affection, but with that for spul
| there can be no bitterness in sacrifice. Nay
there is no sacrifice, because the JOY of giving
| Joy is double reward Like mercy, it il
| twice blest, in that it blesses the givel
| equally with the taker. A life relation found
| ed on those twin rocks, love and self-denial
|, rallies to its standard an invincible host o.
| gentle deeds These form around their join
Il
| lied forces of earth and hell could not charge
The tempests of envy, hate, lust, SANDER, un
| charitableness, and all the deformed brood
| of evil passions may blow upon them, bu
| they only ruffle their bending plumes. Their
| is no quacking or unsteadiness in the line
| These are the true defenders of lofty an(
| potential faith.
| When entering upon the examination o
| this subject, 1 asked the reader to observ,
| that worked entirely from the mans poin
of view. 1t is essential to proper under
| standing of my attitude toward the idea
home that this be not forgotten, or it is quit
| possible that women's finer instinct may seiz
| upon phases of it which / am likely to over
| look. 1 think, however, that we shall al
agree upon the general proposition tina
| among the most important amenities for hus
band and wife to cultivate is frank and com
| plete confidence. That man who can carry
| to his wife an unbroken record of his acts
| hopes, purposes who can confess his weak
nesses and his humiliations, and disclose Il
her his innermost self, must at the outset b
very courageous; but after few experiment
of that kind the task is no longer task, bu
| luxury. 1t would be interesting to trae
| the causes of this curious transformation bu
| / will not enter that labyrinth now. If an,
| choose to pursue 1t can offer single clue
which L find in the fact that, despite thei
boasted distaste for gossip, men are as cage
to dispense it as their wives are to receive il
From general gossip to. self-revealings is
natural step, and when it is once taken tn
barriers to perfect confidence have all disap
peared.
"But" says the cynic, what is man to gai
by resort to the domestic CONFESSIONAL"
| L will answer that In the first place
where those confidential relations do no
exist there is unhappiness. The HUSBAND
naturally demands that his wife shall SUI
render all her little secrets to him. He feel
that failure tc do so is something in tn
nature of rebellion-not against his eau
thority," but against the unwritten la,
which has been part of the social cod
since creation. The only way for him 70 en-
force that law is to apply it to himself an
| yield precisely the obedience which b
demands. No good wife will lon