The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-12-15
HUMOROUS.
The place of woe-The stable.

This is an apple year; but this does
altar. 10
Lovers often differ, although it seems.
write that they should correspond
Statesman.
To check is to stop, except in case OF
a travellers baggage, which is checked
to make it go:
Sage advice is applicable when you
think Of "stufing" somebody. Nesis
den Recorder. I
The fellow who picked up the hot
panpy originated the remark. "All thaf
glitters is not cold"
There will not be much kicking down.
stairs in that household. A Nashville
bride and groom have one leg apiece.
II was the cat. In quarrel at Ithaca,
q young man was knocked senseleSa-b by
. cat in the hands of his opponent.
"Thc Parlor Cattle Car Company
has been Incorporated in Cincinnati and
"Boudoir hog cars" are expected next.
Although a woman may ride alone
in q wagon she can never be lonely
because she always has felloes on each
side OF her.
"That fellow is Just like q telescope.'
said a dashing New York girl. "You
can draw him out, see through him, and
shut him up again"
Newly-married couples are so thick In,
Washington hotels that the other guests
require no sugar in their coffee or syrup
on their griddle cakes.
A New Yorker is named Stealing, and
he hates the name; but he took the curse
Oft It for his. daughter by making her
Christian name Worth"
GA Blighted Life is the title of the
latest English society novel. but the
name of the lady who failed to get the
sealskin sack is not given.
It's wonderful how many things a
boy can hit with a coal scuttle on his
way dCwn cellar when he has hsd his
feelings ruf1ed.
Many a young lady is perfect in press
ing autumn leaves, who leaves all tbs
or, ssing of her clothing for her aged
mother to perform Waterloo Observer.
A man was around yesterday who
could grind scissors in four languages.
Some Of his remarks were shear non
sense, and some very cutting.-McGregor
NeDs.
C~onsoling: Poor author" Heavens
| what a pain there is in my headw His
| wife accompanying of that! You
ought to be thankful there is anything
Fooled by = Woman" was the title
If the article, but the printer, who
evidently didn't go much on the poetical,
set it up "Boiled by a WomanG-
Meriden Recorder.
A Philadelphia man has perfected q
plan for bringing coal out OF the cellar
without exerting any of his muscle. He
makes his wife cart 1t up.-PhalGdeIpF tia
Chronicle Herald.
A Chicago grocer sells soap. every
tenth cake OF which contains in It's Gen.
ter q gold dollar, and the citizens OF
Chicago are getting to look tolerably
clean.-Boton Post.
During one month last summer the
Philadelphia mint coined $500. 900, and
how they all got past US without u
seeing one of them is what astonishes US.
Burlington Raukeye:
"How shall I have my bonnet j
trimmed" asked Maria, $50 that it
shall agree with my complexion" III
you want it to match your face, have it
plain" replied the hateful Hattie.
The statisticians wonder how it har-
pens that lightning strikes twice as
many men as women. We suppose the
reason is there are more conductors
among the men.-Eew York Graphic.
Time does not stop because a mans
watch runs down No more does a
newspaper because n man loses his
head and orders the paper discontinued
to his address.-Fond du Lac Reporter. !.
Now is the time to organize q :" Shut
the D. ,or Club" says the Albany Argus. ,
Such an institution will afford those &,
who are charitably inclined an oppor-
tunity to promote a much needed r.
form.
When a man asks a favor at q Lews-
paper Office and states that he has been
a subscriber for a number of years, a
denial becomes an impossibiliLy. The
argument is clinched, and ne can have
the entire establishment for the asking.
Oil City Derrick.
A girl in Dublin struck her croquet
partner on the head with the maltet;
brain fever set in, and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under
arrest until his recovery, and when ne
got well she married him, and now hes
sorry he didn't die.
"Did you break that window, boyH"
said the grocer, catching hold OF the
fleeing urchin. "Yes, sir" What
dye mean by running off in this man.
nerg" "Please, sir, l was running
home to get the money. / was frald II
I didn't run quick / nigh. forget" ..
A heavyweight magazine writer asks
her readers the following conundrum:
"Why is there so much W~icSedness IN
this beautiful word OF ours!" we
really don't know, unless it IS
washwomen always send mems stocR-
ings home wrong side out.-N1ddtetown
Transcript.
"Why is a woman more afraid OF a.
mouse than q MANI" inquired young
Smartboy of his best girl. son, | as
sure you" as her reply, ga mouse is
much more dangerous than q man. ana
she leaned so heavily or his arm that ne
for a moment really imagined he vas
man.-Acw Haren Register.
"What do you eat those hcrrid musI-
rooms for, Matilda" asked the dai W
Augustus. 81 don't see how you can .
bear them. They're nothing but anasty
fungus, anyway" That's just it, re-
piled the fair Matilda, balancing q BIT
# tie libeled food IN the end OF Ter
fork; Il eat them for fun, Gus."-Bot I'll"
Transcript.
People who 60 into business by. the
side of men who have a large business
built up By constant advertising, and
never advertise a dollar, but depend
u, on the drippings from the ne%iIhboring
sanctuary, are like boys who 90 out to
q pigeon shoot and try to get enough
BIRDS for q mess from those who yet
away from the regular sportsmcn Such
is life, and the p~n'-hnnters s'ten 20 bun
ary .-MIWnukss Sun.