davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
MALARIAL
BLOOD
POISONING,

Causing chilIs and Fever
Dumb Ague, Intermittent Re.
mittent and Typhoid Fevers,
BiIiousness, Liver, Stomach,
and Kidney disorders, and
many other ailments destroy
ing the health and lives OF
millions, Is driven out of the
system, and radically cured
by the use of tho LION MA
LARA AND LIVER PAD and
CANCLiONlC BODY AND
FoOTPLASTERs, the cheap
est and only perfect treat
ment by the Absorption prin-
cipIe. The piasters acting in
conjunction with the Pad up
on the nerve centers and re-
mote parts of the body, In abb
sorbing and thoroughly rid.
dingthe system from MALA.
RIAL POISON.
The whole treatment, PAD,
BODY PLASTER and FOOT
PLAsTERS, all combined,
sold for S 90 the cheapest
and bestremedy ever discov-
cred, and a positive cure
guaranteed If worn accord
Ing to directions. Remem-
Der, Pad, Body Plaster and
Foot Piasters, the whole,
ST 90. Sold by all druggists,
or mailed on receipt of price
by
THE LION MEDICINE Co.,
NEW YORK.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
Since the beginning of the present century
tep general famines have prevailed in Ireland.
From the New York world Dem,

From the New York World (Dem.)
DoUBTINe THE EFFICACY OF MuD--It Is
too early in the Presidential campaign to In
vite the attention of our esteemed contempor-
aries to the fact that what is called political
mud-throwing has really ceased to affect
the fortunes either of parties or of individu-
ais. So far as the Democratic party is con-
cerned it is very important that this should be
understood. To call General Garfield or Gen.
eral Arthur "pet names of the old regula-
tion Calender pattern, and belabor them with
superlative cpithets, will have only one posi-
BILE effect. It win bore the intelligent public
and tend to make sensible people in general
indifferent to the very serious question of the
real fitness of either of these candidates for
the post TO which in the hullabaloo of the
crazy Convention of Chicago he was nominal
ed.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
MISCELLANY.

He CAME BAcK.-Gov. Duyal, of Florida,
was the son OF poor Virginian, a stern,
strong, taciturn man. The boy was huge
youth of 10. At the cabin fire, at bed time,
according TO the custom of putting on q back
log, the old man said, between the whiffs of
his silent pipe, " Tab, 60 out and bring in
that gum back log, and put it on the fire.'--
Tab went out and surveyed the log. He
knew 1t was Of no use explaining that it was
too heavy, nor prudent for him to return with
out it on his shoulder. His little sister pass
ing, was not surprised that he requested her
to bring out the gun and powder horn, as a
'possum or coon might have passed, or the
brother might have seen bear signs. She
brought the gun and Tab started. He found
the way through the woods into kentucky,
in 1901. After an absence of eighteen years,
he was elected to Congress. A man Of inn
mense size and strength, no started for Wash
ington, going by the way of his old home, to
see the old folks who had long since given
him up for dead. Entering the little cabin
door, near bed time. he saw the identical gum
log. He shouldered it, pulled the latch
string, and with his load stood before the old
man, pipe in mouth, as quiet as usual
Here is the gum back log, father" "Well,
you've been long time getting it. Put it on
the fire and go to bed" was the reply.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
Statement Made
UNDER OATH.

3 To WHOM 1T MAY CoNcERN.-In the year 1875 treat
ed with Rendals SPAWN Cure bone SPAWN OF seve-
raj months growth, nearly half large hens egg
and completely stopped the lameness and removed the
enlargement have worked the horse ever since very
hard and he never has been lane could ever see
any difference in the size Of the hook joints since
treated him with Ksndall's SPAWN cure.
R. "A. GAINES.
Enosburgh Falls, VT, Feb. 25, 1870.
Sworn and subscribed beose this 25th day of Feb
A. D., 1879. M
JOHN @. JENNIE Justice of the Peace
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

A succession of dreadful shrieks is heard on
the first floor. Fond mother" What is the
matter with. Billy "" Colored servant
" Please, man. he is cryin' about de jewber-
RES" " He can't have any more. He has
had four saucerfuls already" Dem is de
berry ones he is whoopin' about. He's all
swolled up."--GaIveston News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

What is the worst thing about riches p"
asked the Sunday-school superintendent.
And the new boy in the bad class under the
gallery, who only came in last Sunday, stood
up and said "Their scarcity" And in his
confusion the superintendent told the school
to rise and sing Don't be weary, children. I"
Burlington Hapkeye.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07


WoN'T BANK IT." Sir, have your note
for $780," said one citizen to another, as they
met on the street.
"Yes, guess you have"
"And you'll pay itan
"Not just now"
"sir, / will have no fooling If you don't
pay the note Pill
Yes"
"I'll put 1t in the bank"
Just So"
And you'll be notified to pay it,"
eyes"
And If you don't it win be protested"
"Quite likely"
E" And--and--n
"And the protest will cost you twelve shil-
lingsl Please put 1t in the bank. Good
morning, SIR"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

The other night, at concert In Cincinnati,
the director called out sharply, "strike the
Tyre" and whole row of politicians on the
front seat lodged as quick as wink.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

There Is nothing so effective in bringing q
man up to the scratch as healthy and high
spirited flea.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

THE PouLTERERs' FRIEND.--Dr. II. d.
Bosenbury's Cholera Mixture, for fowls af-
fected with cholera, roup fever, &c. For
young chickens and turkeys affected with
gaps. Positive cure. Prepared at Bosen
bury's Pharmacy, Lambertville, N. J. my.21.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

al die content" said the fly in the bakers
dough somebody will take me for cur
rant"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

The acknowledge version of the Christian
Bible has been translated into 226 different
languages.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

No man can ever hope to know much who
doesn't begin by knowing that he knows
nothing.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07

The ordinary strength of an elephant is cal
culated as equal to that of III men.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
KendaIi's SPAWN Cure on
Human Flesh.

BAKERSFIELD VI, Dec. %, 1870
B. J. KENDALL Co.. Geal,-I wish to add my testi-
mony In favor your invaluable lnment Kendali's
SPAWN Cure" In the spring OF 1862 slipped the
ice and sprained my right limb at the knee joint.
was very ame and at times, suffered the excruci-
ating pain. wore bandage IL for year. and
tried most everything within my reach but could find
nothing that would give me permanent relief When
oyerworked, u would pain me very much. In April,
1878, began to think should be cripple for fe but
having some Of "Kendalls SPAWN Cure,n thought
would try IT, fused onethird of bottle and expert
enced relief at once The pain left me and has not
troubled me since. feel very grateful to you, and
would recommend Kendas SPAWN Cure to all who
suffer " It'll sprains or rheumatism.
Yours truly,
MRS. ]. B0UTELL.
Is sure In its effects, mild In It's action Il does not
blister and yet 1t Is penetrating and powerful reach
any deep seated pain to any bony growth or
spavins, splints curbs, calous, sprans, swengs or
any lamenoss and all eniargemenfs OF the joints and
or limbs or rheumatism In man and for any purpose
for which liniment Is used for and beast It is
now known to be the best lnment for man ever used
acting mild and certain in Its effects II Is used full
strength with perfect safety at all of the year
Send address for Illustrated Circular which think
gives positive proc of its virtues. No remedy has
met with such unqualified success, to knowledge,
for beast as we'll as man
Price 81 per bottle, bottles for 49, All druggists
haye It or can get for you or 1t will be sent 10 any
address on receipht of price by the proprietors
DIR. b. J. KENDALL & CO.,
Enosburgh Falls Vermont,
SOLD By ALL DRUGGISTS.
Nav 10Th 1881
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
May 18th, $780,
NOrTTC.E.

THE undersigned has been appointed agent for this
Il GREENHOUSE PROPERTY, located on Main st.
above Delavan. All persons are hereby notified tha
rents accruing from this date payable only to tbs
undersigned who Is authorized TO receive the same
The above named property is offered for sale ono rea.
sonable terms.
cHAs. scHULHAUs.
Lambertville Dec. 81, 1879
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
THE BEST PAPERl TRY TIT!
BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED.
35th YEAR.
The Scientific American.


THE SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN is large Ffrst-class
Weekly Newspaper of Sixteen Pages printed in The
most beautiful style vofasey israied eth spieadid en-
gaping representing the newest Inventions and the
most recent Advances in the Arts and Sciences fncu
Ing New and Interesting Facts in Agriculture Horti
culture the Home, Health, Medical Progress Social
Schemes, Natural History, Geology, Astronomy The
most valuable practical papers, by eminent writer's In
all departments Of Science, win be found in the cent-
fc American.
Terms ss2O per year. 81 60 half year, which includes
postage Discount to Agents. Single copies ten cents
Sold by all Newsdeslers Remit by postal ordder 10
MUM Co, Publishers, 81 Park Row New York.
PATIENTS. M In sc connection with
CAN, Messrs, MUM Co. are Solicitors Of America, !,
and Foreig Patents have had "a years experienced and
have the largest establishment In the world Patents
obtained on the best terms. special notice Il
made In the SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN OF all inyentions
Patented through this Agency, with the name and
residence OF the Patentee By the immense Circulation
thus given public attention Is directed TO the inertia
Of the patent and sales introduction often eas
ly effected
Any person who has made new discovery or inven
tion, ascertain free of charge whether patent can
probably be obtained by writing to the UNDERSIGNED
We also send free Hand Book about the Patent
Laws, Patents Caveats, Trade Marks their costs and
how procured With hints for procuring advances in in
ventiVns Address for the Paper rning Patents
MUM co., 81 PaYA Rev, New York.
Branch Office Cor. r. and It'll Sts., Washington D. C.
Nov. 10Th, 1879.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
Perseverance Will Tell /!

Slough ton. Mass. March 10TH 1880.
b. y Kendall & Co., Gents lin justice to you and
myself think ought to let you know that have re-
moved two bone spavins with Kendalps SPAWN cure
one very large one Don't know how long the SPAWN
had been there have owned the horse eight months
1t took me four months to take take the large one Off
and two for the small have used 10 bottles The
horse entirely WELL not at all stl and bunch to
be seen or felt This is wonderful medicine. II Is
thing but II IL does for all what II has done for me
Its sale will be very great. Respectfully yours,
CHAS. Il. PARKER
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-07-07
From
Rev. P. N. GRANGER.

Presiding Elder of the St. Adams District.
st. Adams, Vt. Jan. GOTH 1880
DR.. u. y. Kendall d Co.,. Gents;-In reply to your
letter will say that my experience with Kendall's
SPAWN Cure has been very satisfactory indeed Three
or four years ago procured bottle OF your agent and
with It, cured horse OF ameness caused by SPAWN
Last season my horse became very lame and turned
him out for few weeks when he became better, but
when put him on the road he grew worse, when /
discovered that ringbone was forming procured a
bottle of Kendas SPAWN Cure and with less than a
bottle cured him that h. is not ame neither can the
bunch be found. Respectfully yours
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07
Stories of Gilbert and Sullivan.

lBoston correspondence Hartford Courant.
Two dToll stories have attained currency here
anent Gilbert and sullivan. 1t appears that
during the renearSalS OF 1.-The Pirates of Pen
Zance,' one OF the female chorus singers was
observed by Mr.. Gilbert to be weeping bitterly,
and refused to be comforted by her companions.
Feeling interested. he asked her the cause OF
All that he could learn from her was that the
costumer of the theatre had insulted her gravely.
But what did she say to you?" persisted Gil
bert. "Oh! never Will repeatit," was the reply
that came through the tears that almost cho&ed
her. Il will not allow any of my people to be
insulted here" said Mr.. Gilbert; land If you
Will tell me what was said. will see that
amends are made" After considerable hesita-
ton, the girl Sobbed: Well-sir,-S she
told mel was no better than l should be ~
" But you are, aren't yOu?" inquired Gilbert
with the most sympathetic earneStneSS, and as
though the proud consciousness of being better
than she should be ought to console her for
every insult. 1t was as bright line as there is
In any OF his comedies. The. other story is OF
Sullivan, who at one OF the last rehearsals was
sang out of time and dragged the other singers
with him. .My DEAR sir" exclaimed Sullivan
to him, do please keep time. You are putting
all the others out!" ut is not me-" exclaimed
the chor1ster Indignantly. Excuse me, sir'
retorted Sullivan with the air of a man who is
paying compliment 81 cannot be mistaken
You have one of the most exquisite voices that
ever the Lord blessed man with. 1t Is SUBJ
llme-it Is immense. l could pick it out OF
thousand: therefore excuse me when l say IL
was YOU" The chOriSter was silenced by the
compliment which fastened the offence on him,
and there was no more dragging OF the time.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07
Fighting With nm Oc,opus,

The occupation of diver Is one that offers
but little attraction to those who by tempera-
ries OF the deep" II is however, not so monoto-
nous an employment as might be imagined and
divers occasionally meet with exciting adven-
lures while engaged in their labors. One OF
these the other day fell to the lot OF Govern
ment diver in Victoria, Mr.. Smale. while at work
on the bed OF the Moyne river. at Belfast. in
that colony, and from the account he gives OF is
in the Melbourne Argus 1t must have 6sen more
exciting than pleasant. Having thrust his arm
into hole he found that lit was held by some
thing; the action OF the water was stirring up
the Clay, and therefore could not see distinctly
for q few minutes; but when IL did clear away
saw to my horror the arm OF a large octopus
entwined around mine like a boa-conStrlctor.
Just then he fixed some of his suckers on the
back of my hand, and the pain was intense.
felt as II my hand was being pulled TO pieces,
and the more l tried TO take it away
the greater the pain became; and from
past experience knew this method would
position? I had the greatest difficulty in keep
ing my feet down. rs the air rushed along the
interior OF my dress and inflated 1t; and II my
feet had got uppermost should soon have be
come inSenSible, held in such a position: ana
also If had given the signal TO be pulled up the
brute would have held on, and the chances
would have been that l should have had
broken arm. had hammer by me- but could
not reach down to use 1t on the brute. There
was small iron bar about five feet from me-
and with my foot i dragged this along until
could reach 1t with my left hand. And now the
fight commenced; the more l struck him the
lighter he squeezed, until my arm got quite be
nUmbed; after while l found the grip be ran
to relax little, but he held on until | had al
most cut him to pieces, and then he relaxed his
hold from the rock and pulled him up 1 was
exhausted, having been in that pos :
ion for over twenty minutes. 1 brought til
Animal up, or rather part of it. We laid hin
| feel perfectly convinced that this fellow could
nave held down five or six men,"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07
A Little Turks Whim.
Mrs. Brassey's Sunshine and Storm in the


East"
We went down as far as the French bridge
over which the contractor lost an immense sum
OF money In the following manner: The bridge
was 70 have been finished by particular day,
Dut the contractor found that this would be i'm
pos sible with Turkish workmen unless he
worked day and night. This he obtained Der
mis- sion to do, and the necessary lights and
torches were supplied at the Sultan's expense
All went well for time, till the unfortln ate
contr actor was told that he must open the
bridge to let ship from the dOckyard mass
through, some time before the bridge was I'm
tshed. He said 1t was impossible, as he WouIl
have to pull everything down, and It would
take Two or three months to replace the scaffold
ing and pfle-drtving machines He went to the
Ministers Of Marine and Finance, They oniy
said, IF the Sultan says 1t must be done r.
must, or we shall lose our places, II NOT our
heads" -'' Jul
So the ship came out, at a cost of little over
f100, 900, and delay Of three months in the
completion OF the bridge, all because the Sni.
tan fouLd his small son crying In the harem one
day, the ch1ld's grief being that, though he had
Just been promised to be made an admiral he
could not see his flag h0iSted on his own nartic0
ular ship from the nursery windows So LARGE
ironclad was brought out from the dockyari
and moored In front OF Dolmabagtcheh to graf,
ify his infant mind, thus causing enormOus in.
convenience to the whole town Tor months tn
say nothing OF the waste of money, OF which
which, imagine. he cared still less.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07
The SOkO.
London Telegraph. Jan. %

LONDON Telegraph, jan e.
What was the Soko? Was it man or ape
The tribes OF Central Africa all along the Living
stone river, from Nyangwe to the cataracts. de-
clared the SOkO to be a monkey and as such
hunted 1t and ate it. They hunted and ate men,
too, 1t is true; but then they distinguished the
one from the other, and never mfstook men
for monkeys. Mr.. II. NJ. Stanley, however,
brought home the skulls of two "Sokos y
which had been eaten by an anabie
Chief with whom he foregathered one day,
and Prof. Huxley at once pronounced them
to be human. Was Africa in conspiracy to play
Off practical joke upon the great explorer, or
is European science wrong in its differentiation
OF man and ape? The gorilla has long ago been
degraded to its proper rank and the mum" of
Sind turned out to be no nearer a man than n
bear. But Central America has now come for
ward with the Susumeta, and so far as descrip-
lions go at present this animal-or person.
would appear to come as near ourselves as the
Soko for the other natives of it's forests, whom
we call men and women, call the Susumeta
human. European, one Mr.. Auguste. OF Cay.
AYERS that he saw one killed, and has never
been able to shake off the idea that homicide
was committed, adding that 1.-THE animal" was
as much man as himself.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07

which a. tribute, gathered from her fathers
tel aDts-aS was duly set forth In the inscrlp-
ton emblazoned on them-held post OF honor
silver and pebble brooch. the Offering OF the
household retainers. Do sneer at the idea or
inviting our humble friends to show their
sympathy with us in our rejoicings? Surely
not. but as looked at the expensive and ugly
trophies, could not refrain from wondering II
the poor house-maid, who must have sub
scribed her five shilings or so for the purchase,
mad been allowed even as free choice in the
matter as had been left to myself. Is tyran-
meal social pressure brought into play in the
kitchen as well as In the drawing room? And
why, In the name OF taste and fitness, must her
present take the form Of a testimonial so vul-
carly ostentatious' But to go back for mo-
ment to my coral.
heard somebody say. sAh'-as the bits OF
coral were one by one thrust forward-spretty
enough; but should have thought she would
have given something really handsome. A
rich woman like her, with nobody to think of
but herself"
Let ME conclude this melancholy story Of ex-
tortion and injustice by making an appeal to
our legislators and rightful protectors. viii no
benevolent M. P. move for the Introduction Of a
bill specifying the exact amount of the tax
which may be levied on the people when, for
their misfortune, their friends get married
Sho Id not certain rule of consanguinity de-
termine its amount, as in the case of succession
duty? If this We're so, one could easily esCi-
mate ones liabilities. We should have to allow
SO much for our cousins, first second or fifth
eth, whose numbers and even chances of matr!-
mony we might determine by simple calcula-
tiOD. SO much for our acquaintance. "a very
small percentage might suffice for them O.
course there need be no attempt to limit our
Hberality to real f'iends.) SO much for people
We have nothing to do with SO much for peo-
PIE we absolutely dislike. This system NAV
seem at first sight alarming, but am persuaded
It would really be cheaper and more satisfactory
than the present one. The money could be paid
down, due notification OF the sum required
being forwarded with every announcement of a
wedding. There would be a positively tncalcu-
liable saving OF fuss, bother, and worry. not to
speak Of what believe would be the saving In
money.
Is any one anxious to know what have done
with my bookcase? I have it still. 1t is the
skeleton in my cupbOard-at least In my port
manteau. / dare not give 1t away as mere
gage d'dmo'n, for such causeless generosity
would too surely confirm the general hallucina-
ton about my wealth. / must not leave it In
any ones charge, or allow any one to see it, for
have resolved that it must still fulfill its mis-
sion as wedding present 1 think of the six
Mactinns. and say to myself, 1T will do for
one or them"
It shah do.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-02-07
QUITE A HISTORY.

tArlo Bates in st. Nicholas for February
'sNhere have you been, Lysander Pratt"
In Greedy Lano, Philander Sprat."
What did You there to grow so fst."
st bui myself a little house
In which l live snug as mouse"
well, very, very good was that"
Not wholly good, Philander Spr8t."
S'Now wherefore not, Lysander PRATT"
ga bear came raging from the wood,
And tumbled down my cottage good"
.'Alas! how very bad was that"
Not wholly bad. Philander Sprat."
Not bad! Why not, Lysander Pratt?"
81 killed the bear, and of his skin
1 made coat to wrap me in"
well done! Now surely good was that"
Yet not SO good, Philander Sprat."
Now why not good, Lysander Pratt!"
ga wicked hound tore up my coat
Until 1t was not worth q great"
'Ah, what an evil thing was that"
Not wholly bad, Philander Sprat."
What good was there, Lysander Pratt"
He caught for me great wild boar,
mat made me sausages good store"
'What luck! How very good was that"
Good? Not all good, Phllander Sprat.r
Why not al good, Lysander Pratt?"
ga cat stole in on velvet paw,
And ate them all with greedy nav"
Now surely wholly bad was that"
Not wholly bad, Philander Sprat"
''Then tell me why, Lysander Pratt"
''Of pussy's fur with silken hair,
made of gloves a noble pair"
Trust you! No wonder you are fat!
You found your good account in that
AS in all else! Lysander Pratt"
Yes, in the closet hang they now.
Yet they are full of holes, VOW,
Gnawed by some thievish long tailed rat.
And SO, you see. Philander Sprat,
Not wholly good was even that"