The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1880-11-17
FLOATING FANCIEss.

FLOATING FANGIEs.
Our domestic we called Mary Ann,
She came from the County Cavan;
But; to lessen her toll,
Lit the fire with Oil;
Now we miss her, and also the can.
4 Chinese adage-Love 90 little, love oc-
long.
Who is this May-Laria that so many of
our citizens are in bed with?
People who complain of the 'sraW weather
should cook it before partaking.
Nearly every citizen is beginning to save
up swear-offs for New Years Day.
Tt is said that Sara Bernhardt attempted to
smuggle herself ashore in q putty-blower.
'This is a new ISSUE" as the man said
when his wife introduced him to a new heir.
"Anty, vat makes the little baby cry SO?
Do it want its mudder?" s.Yes, dear, and its
fodder, too.'
1t is said that the mother-in-law Of VIM.
Ell. English is keeping a scrapbook for future
reference.
4 man who has been successful in putting
up his winter stove may now safely COM
mence to attend religious meetings again.
Il is all from educating his daughter at q
seminary. She reproved her father for
wiping bis mouth on the table cloth, and he
went to the barn and hung himself.
In an Ohio breach Of promise suit the man
was proved SO mean that the woman was
awarded no damages, the jury thinking she
was fortunate enough in escaping such a
monster.
"My lovey-dovey," he said, II positively
can not give you a diamond for an engage
ment ring" 'sWhy, my W p~opsy-wopsy?n
Because, . he wickedly replied, ''eyerybody
will say I'm stony-hearted."
Two Quaker girls were ironing on the
same table. One asked the other which she
would take-the right or the left. She an
swered promptly: 1T will be right for me
to take the left, and then it will be left for
thee to take the right"
Chicago girls are wonderful full of re
sources. Their latest device for stirring up
bashful s,litors is to secretly procure the mar
riage license themselves, and the publication
Of the fact in the papers nerves the timid
youths up to the required pitch Of despera-
ton.
Does my Darling wait for me? is the title
Of a new sentimental ballad by Robert Har-
ris. The chances are that she does, Robert,
and the quicker you get there the less bonnets
and sealskin sacques and things you will
have to settle for in order to obtain your
tootsyWootsy's pardon. The love Of woman
endureth forever, but it is very expensive.
Anything new or fresh this morning ?" 8
reporter asked in q railroad office. YES"
replied the lone occupant of the department.
"What is it 2 queried the reporter, whipping
out his note book. Said the railroad man,
edging his way towards the door, s'rhat
paint you are leaning against" The railroad
man is now in the hospital, and the reporter
is in jail.
The pilot sat nodding at the wheel, un-
mindful Of the fact that another vessel was
approaching, when suddenly . Watchful sail
or, grasping the situation, aWaked him and
pointed out the danger. Thus rudely arous-
ed, he sprang to his feet and grasped the
wheel with frantic energy, but II was too
late. The " ships sailed majestically past
each other the passengers were safe, and
the pilot, with q muf1ed sob, fell at his post.
Il was at q late quarterly meeting Of the
seYenth-day Baptist churches in Wisconsin,
two c%lergym9n were to present papers
the same day, and, the question OF Psece-
dence having arisen, Mr.. A. sprangg TO his
feet ard said ST think Brother b. ought to
have the best place on the programme; he j.
al older man than I am, and, besides, i full
Of his subject When the audience remem-
bered that Brother BIS subject was sThe
Devil, 4 cheerful smile seemed 70 beam
the assembly.