The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1880-04-09
BITS OF WIT.

Tilden: An interest table IN breeches."
The horseshoe doesn't bring good luck
when the horse applies it.-Boston Courier.
A firm advertises "raw silk stockings. {"
Good gracious, who wants them cooked -.
Rockland Courier.
five could see others as we see ourselves
there would be more good looking people
In the world.-Pieayune.
A clergyman asked boy if he had been
baptized. "No, sir" said the lad, "not as
know of, but I've been waxinated."
Now they say the real grievance of the
Cincinnati people against Theodore Thomas
is that he would not beat time with a
ham.
Less money in bridal tours and more in
Hour and potatoes would be great help to.
ward making this country solid on her
pins.
Domestic biss-Kissing the maid of all
work.-1ranscript. Domestic blister
When your wife surprises you in the act
Nor. Herald.
"The darky's hour is just before the
dawn" remarked Sambo when he started
out before daybreak to steal a young
chicken for breakfast.
Rutherford Hayes
Politely says
Dear Ferd, that's not go;
And just one word.
Perhaps you've heard
Of DR.. James Monroe
The Gar is determined to keep book
agents out of his winter palace, hence the
stories about maniac commanders, paraly-
zed governors, dynamite explosions, and
the like.-Picayune.
A 'sum" in arithmetic. If you can get
one towel ont Of one yard of cloth, ho W
many towels can you get out of two yards ?
The end man of the Georgia minstrels says
it depends altogether on how many there
are on the clothes lines.
"How did know that you wanted to
swear first ~ was, according to the Amherst
Student, the retort of Freshman in at
tendance upon baseball game when a
professor exclaimed to him "How dare
you swear before me, sir ?''
Manville Ito his widowed friend Chasu-
BILE, who has views on art)-"Is it true
that you've broken off with Sir Henry's
daughter?" Chasuble-"Alas, yes, was
forced to, although she is a charming wo-
man." Manville-"Why Chasuble-
"lncompatibility of complexion. She does
not suit my furniture"
Little Birdie Blue eyes,
Sitting in the sun,
While her older brother
Foolcth with gun.
Soon loud explosion
Wakes tae echoing wood,
Ali that's left of Birdie
Is her worstcd hood.
". y. World.
A west-side man got out of bed the other
morning to look for burglars, but finding
none, came back muttering, ~ thought |
heard something breaking" ~ guess,
DEAR" said his wife, glancing toward the
window and the losy-tinted beams in the
east, 81 guess it was the break of day.
Chicago Journal.
A miniature Court Journal has been
published anonymously which pretends to
be extremely funny over "Hls Imperial
Majesty the Emperor Ulysses l., the Crown
Prince Frederick, the Princess Nelly, the
Earls of Nevada and Susquehanna, Lord
Fish," &c. The write is evidently fishing
for the position of court fool. N Y. Com
mereial AdUertissr.
THE TRAMP.
How dear to my heart is the spring time election
When the Aldermen run for seats on the floor,
Warm hearted Councilmen give us protection
And fancy barkeepers don't show us the door;
Yes, we are the voters, the bailot-box suffers,
That fly through the towns in spring-time so gay,
Oh! the candidates "luv' us, old ronbound buffers
We'er er,skinned buffers on that festive day
Cincinnati Saturday Might.
"The unseen world" Scientific Gent
with his hair on end, and the tassels of the
cords to his dressing gown humping be-
hind him as he descends the stairs } "Very
strange But could almost swear-I hear
footsteps-following me down stairs-!'
Bolts into his bedroom, locks the door, and
writes to the Athen9um the next day
Punch.
The London World tells story which is
a good example of Won Bulow's wit. He
presented one of his friends with copy of
Wagner's book on Beethoven, and wrote
on the fyleaf, "To -, with the respect
full compliments of the widower Of the au-
thor's wife," Nine. Cosima wagner, as is
we'll known, is the daughter Of Liszt, and
was married to Won Bulow before she ran
away and married Wagner.
DE LEssEPs ON AMERICAN CoNFAGRA-
TIoNs.-M. de Lesseps had to see all the
New York lions' while in that city. He
could not leave the metropolis, of course,
until he had noticed how fires are managed
there. The Worlds reporter gives the fol-
lowing as the impressions Of the celebrated
Frenchman on witne ssing quite q confagra-
tion; " 1t was fine showing of discipline
and order. There was so little confusion
and 40 u,uch work done in So ehort time.