Daily Republican., 1880-03-11
FUNNY FANCIES,
Contributed ~ the Humorists OF
aho Country.

tattered nat, ne essayeo q pOlite DOW
and said
"Madam, when lost my little all Il
the fre st Chicago, and there receives
injuries which rendered me totally un
ft to perform labor"
"That will do, sir" interrupted tn
lady. "That dodge died from overworl
years ago. cannot help you"
-Four years. hard fighting in tn
glorious army, which, by prowess o
arms, crushed that hydra headed mon
ster rebellion, should entitls me to tn,
consideration Of all the loyal people
madam. It cannot be that the glowing
fires Of patriotism are soon smothered
In the breasts Of our loyal women 2"
"How old are you, sir 7"
"Twsnty years ago tomorrow, Mad
am, my first infant wall was borne upon
the air Of this glorious country"
The lady smiled, and replied:
"How noble must have been the
feelings which actuated your parents to
offer as willing sacrifice upon the altar
Of their country, their darling year
old infant"
This rather stumpsd the tourist, who
began to perform mathematical prob.
lem upon his smutty fingers. After a
moments reflection, he again came up
to the scratch
"Madam, can q poor wanderer, who
lost every friend he had in the world
by the yellow fever in Memphis, sue
cessfully strike you for a little susie
nance 7"
"Yellow fever sufferers are entirely
too numerous. l just turned away seven
of them in one crowd"
swell, good bye, madam; but re.
my words When you hear Of
the exiled nobleman having returned to
his beloved France, and when the
Quincy papers publish the account of
his dying and leaving q fortune to
poor family who fed him while a
wanderer in this city, you will just git
up and howl and swear at yourself for
him cold bite"
He lodged the umbrella hurled at
him, and sailed for the gate. From the
Jidswalk he yelled
"Sa.a.ay when the Western Sepa-
.or that's waiting for funds from home,
md the man that was blowed up by a
,annon last Fourth of July taps you for
! hand out this morning, tell them
hey'll find Hungry Jim from Toledo
the free lunch saloons on
street." and he marched of
ipging:
Rusty buns, islly old chums,
We live like royal Turks;
When We have luck. bummin chuck,
No help ior the man who works.
A MICHIGAN GIRL WHO MEANS TO GIT A
husband. "A Detroitsr who was out in
he country the other day to look after
ome poultry got stuck in mud hole,
Though having light buggy and
strong horse. Ell got out, took rail
q the fence, and was trying to pry the
ehicle olt, when along came strap.
ing young woman, about twenty-six
ears of age. She halted, surveyed the
and said:
"You stand by the horse while heave
n the rail, and don't be afraid of get
ing mud on your hands and boots"
Their united efforts released the We.
icle, and the Detroiter returned thanks
nd asked her to get in and ride. She
looked up and down the
pad, and finally said:
"Stranger, Pm blunt spoken. Who
re your"
He gave his name and address and
he continued
PPM over twenty-five, worth $500 In
ash, know all about housewtrk, and
,is is leap year."
"Yes, know, but for heaveA'o sake
ont ask me to marry you !" he replied
> he saw the drift.
"Sse here, sir" she continued, look.
lg him square in the eye, 'I'm
,raight girl, wear No. 7. shoe, AMI l
Ike the looks of you"
"Yes, but don't-don't talk to me in
lat way |"
stranger, it's leap year and I'm go.
/ to popl will You have me or not ?"
"I-Pm already married." he fal-
red.
"Honest Injuns "
eyes"
"Well, that settles me, and l won't
'le. I'll cut across the field over to
pooner's. He's got four sons and
oil nephew, and I'll begin on the old
an and pop the crowd clear down to
10 idiot, for I've slummixed around I
lis world Just as long as 1 arr going
f! Good bye, sir-no harm done !"
HIS MIsTAKB.-A prominent White
sller has q venerable private secreta-
who Is very nervous man also. A
ort time since those two gentlemen v
Z home On the New York & Canada :
ilroad to visit Ticonderoga, where our
ointment Whitehaller is largely inter- a
ted in real estate. AS the train pass :
through the north end of this village
has to 60 through tunnel, which is g,
out FIVE hundred feet in length. Now
+ P. W., who is a good joker, was :
ated near the rear end Of the car, and
) venerable secretary was seated
out midway between the ends.
Just as the train entered the dark J
mel the P. W. started towards his " "
oretary, and placing one hand about al
, neck made him believe he was a :.
rroter.
He held the V. P. s. with one hand Il
d fumbled for his vest watch pocket d.
search of his gold time keeper, yet "
was surprised that no resistance
IS offered at all. Just as the train
lerged into daylight, what was the
rprise Of the P. W. to find his arm I
circling a maiden lady Of about sixty i
miners.
Confusion seized him as he discov-