The Portland daily press., 1880-07-30

stretched out his neck and let down his chin,
aud brade so fritefe that it broke all the win
does in the house And when it was all over
it was mitey still in that house. can tel you,
just like if sum boldly was ded.
But bime by the ole man he stuck his he'd
out the windo, and he sed to the jackus:
''Mebbe You don't like the musck wich is
made in this house.'
Then the iackus he sed Il don't kno
whether OF to like it or not l got nifty
fine voice but no ear
Uncle Ned he says one time there was a mule
wch moved way from the place where il
lived, cos its master sold it to other feller.
But after along while he brot it back and WI ca
it was brot back home agane it see iackus,
and the mule it had never saw jackus before.
So it luked vile, the mule did, and then it
sed: my feelins tells me that this feller is NV
little boy"
So the mule it went up to the iackus and sed
Little feler don't you kno me? I'm the ole
man, yes, indeed, you see your daddy before
you, ded shur" And then the mule it snooz-
led him with its nose, reel luving But the
jackus he rolled his eyes up solem, like preech-
ers' eyes and didn't say nothin, but one time
Billy, that's my brother, he spoke rite out loud
in church.
The mule sed other time: ''NIy son. wen
you are erode up, and have got childrens of
your own yule understand how kanew Won.
Its the paternal instinct wich speeks to faith
ers hart, boy, the paternal instinct is Jest the
biggest thing in the worldn
But the jackus it was the mules father, and
the biggest quodderped that wocks the face o.
the erth is ephalants, but wales is the grateSt
that plows the deep.
And now lie tell you little story wich Mis-
ter Gipple tole me. Once there was q revivel
of lidgion in the town where Mister Gipple KEEP
gas ware store, chiney and crockery, too
and evry boldly was goin wild with good, no
more swarm and drinkin whisky, and fishin ON
Sunday, and steelin wotter meluns. One day
there wos feller tendin store for Mister Gip-
pie and mitey good woman she cum with
bible, and she looked at the feller out of her
eyes, and then sed: "Yung man, do you keep
the devine commanments?"
The feler was from Sacrymento and didn't
know wat them was, but he spoke out reel
quick, and sed: "Yes, mum, we do but the
boss wos tryin to get EN- out OF his way yister-
day, and vile he was settin EN- aside he broke
evry one Nv EN-. But we have got some better
ones comm from San Francisco; you come in
next week."
A other time it was al temperance, and the
wimmin were all crusaders, and one of EN- she
went up to man witch she seen was a stranger
In town, and she sed the woman did: "Mster,
are you son of Temperance
The man he Sed: lime the son of Jake
Bartle, wich keeps the slotter house on the
Marysvl rode"
Then the woman sed: "Yes, yes know,
but are you Good Templer?''
Then the man he sed agin: "No, mum,
never worked at it a our in my life, but Ime
mitey good hand at kiln cats"
But bet Mister Brily, the butcher, can beat
him lat. that.
One Sunday me and my mother was a goin
to church, and wen passin thru the graveyard
we seen Mister Briley, all drest up reel slick,
with his coat on and no apern. And there was
lamb wich was cut on a toom stone, and i
Sed: "Wot nice lamb"
But Mr.. Briley he sed: 'You can't tel, John
ney, you can't tell. Lambs is mitey decevin
with their jackets on, fore you can see their
buties they got to be gone over
Then asst Mister Briley wot "gone over
ment, and he sed: well, Johnney, you see,
animal is like the wimmen fokes witch is only
part meet, and the rest is close, but when I
have took my nife and gone over lamb or a
CAT 1t haint got emmy outside follyswoddles or
emmy inside fiapdoodles, and sech humbuggin
vanity, but is just as God made it,"
one time my father he was in slotter house
and was mitey interested in wot he see and asst
lots OF questions. And after d vile he see
man settin out side on a box smokin, and my
father he sed it was fine day. but the man he
didn't say it wasn't.
Then my father he sed: ''Do you belong
here?' And the man he only jest nodded but
didn't make no remarks.
After while my father sed how menny
Sleeps was kid a week, but the man he sed:
Dunno"
Then my father asst: "Who nifes em?" But
the teller ne only just chucked his thum over
his shoulder lords man and went on smokin
Then my father he sed: II suppose its mitey
hard werk for to skin emp"
When my father he sed so the man jumpt off
the box like he was shot, and snapt his fingers
loud llk q gun, and sed: "Slo, be blasted you
wlte handed galoot! line the danny skinner
OF the Golden West, that's wot am, and if any
teller wants to try me on, lie skin all round
him! lie skin any livfn man for 20 dollars
side, and put up the mummy now!"
But my father he dident want to be skun.
Snakes they skin their own sells evry wear.
and one time me and Uncle Ned see a snake
doin it, and we sot reel still and watched. and
wen the snake got it all off Uncle Ned he
spoke up and sed to the snake: $50 far. SO
good, my fine feller, but how are you to git
yure innardssout less yousgot nife?'
Saddles are made of pig skins, and the hor-
tode has jolly big warts on hisn