The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-01-16
COMlCALlTIES.

of marriage.
A PIcKPoCKET-The one In which the
toothpicks are carried.
"Now Law in your COAL" says an
exchange. Not If we know ourself.
If book IL not well bound you are
not bound TO take it.-NeU Orleans Pic
ayune.
"WHEs the tied comes in"-When
man and wife arrive at home.--N T.
Express.
CARE you a wall nowerf" he asked.
And she replied, "No, / am wall, sir"
Then they wsltzed.
A MAI can borrow all the trouble he
wants on his own persona. security
Ne1 Orleans Pioayune.
LOVE laughs at locksmiths, but We
defy anybody or anything to laugh st n
plumber.-New York Mail.
PHILADRLPHIA has the bulge on Chi
csgo in one respect. 1t is named in the
bible.-Br0oLlyn Union-Argtn.
A rash man is liable to break out at
any moment, however bad he may feel
about it.-Nes0 Orleans Picayune.
OUT Of fifty strictly honest men only
twenty will return borrowed book. and
only three will bring your umbrella
home.
Door bells are not favored in Lead
vile. If man is too proud 10 kick the
door in he's too high toned for that
locality.
THE man who never smelt powder is
the fellow who never held his nose close
to a woman's cheek.-Phiiadeiphid
Chronicle.
The horns Of the moon are visible,
but the horns of 8 man are hid by
green-shutter screen across the front end
of the sample room.
The young mother who can paint
beautiful flowers on tescups has too
much taste TO seat q red patch on her
little boys black pants.
MEN are naturally poor cooks. This
was demonstrated in army days, when
officers going to housekeeping always
made mess Of it.-Bostoa Transcript.
A BALTIMORE doctor says that a whole
mince pie eaten at bedtime will not harm
the most delicate Eystem. 1t is dreaming
Of falling down 8 coal mine that upsets
the nerves.
Now that Glasgow chemist has pro-
duced crystalized carbons which are
veritable diamonds, there is chance of
q coal HEAVIER becoming as big man as
hotel clerk.
A LITTLE boy, three years old, who
had been looking out of the window for
q few minutes at beautiful sunset, ex-
claimed: Mother, look how sore the
poor sky is"
An editor being asked, "Do hogs
pay? 2" says q great many do not. They
take the paper several years and then
have the postmaster send it back
refused. Home Companion.
TALK about pursuing the even tenor
of his way; there is no such thing as an
even tenor. Tenors are the most uneven
men in existence. We have known
tenor dozen of them and know what We
are ssying.-Cincinnsti Saturday Night.
AT an inquest in a certain part of the
North of England, on 8 man who had
been drowned, the policeman giving his
evidence was asked by the coroner If
means had Leen taken TO resuscitate the
body. "Oh, yes, sir, We searched his
pockets. York Commercial Adrer-
tiser.
"HI, cabby, have you got brick il
your hack?" "Yess, boss" Enter
fare al say, cabby, this hack is as
cold as Greenland; thought you said
you had some hot bricks?" $50 have
they're under my feet out here.
Glsngl"
GENTLEMEN" said Yankee auc-
tioneer, with true pathos +" If my faith
er and my mother stood where You stand
and did not buy this stewpsn-this ele-
CANT stewpsn going $l-l should feel IL
my bounden duty as a son to tell both
of them they were false to their country
and false to themselves"
A CoNNECTICUT woman was taken
suddenly i'll few days ago, and when a
physician arrived she asked him II she
was going to die. He replied that it
was nothing serious-that she might live
twenty five years longer. "Oh, Pm 30
glad" she exclaimed, "the Hayden
trial may be finished by that time and
III lose none of it."
"Is there no way" writes an agricul-
tursl correspondent, "of keeping eggs
from turning bsd!" Well, no really
infallible means have been discovered,
We believe, but hound pup about six
months old will come about as near il as
anything else, If you leave the hennery
door open. About one pup IL sufficient
FOX q farm OF $50 acres.
"Now, then, who is the plaintiff in
this casef'' asked his honor, rs q case
was called. 81 don't know anything
about plaintiffs" replied a nan in the
corner, as he slowly rose, "but If you are
asking for the chap who was chased
mile and q half and then mopped all
over his own barnyard by two despers-
does, I'm your mani The case went on.
THERE will be very many marriages
in society this winter, because 30 many
are enjoying the delights of the Salem
Sunbeam's menu of courtship:
buneh o. flowers,
A book or two,
4 little billing,
A little COO,
A little coming
And going till
They 90 10 church
And say: al Will"
And that ends it.
chow it does remind me of my court
ing daysw exclaimed Mrs. Goodington,
remarking the blush that the delicately
turned compliment Of Arsminta's young
man had brought to the girls cheek.
"In those ballard days, when / was
young and perceptible, how frustrated /
used to feel when Daniel paid me con-
dimept, as he always was adding! Yes"
she continued, stopping to brush of the
tear that trembled at the tip of her
attenuated nose, "yes, Daniel was one
of a thousand. And he never changed
during all eur years of patrimony."-
Boston Transcript.
A LITTLE four.year-old was borrowed
by the manager of the Elko New thea
ter, to personate the consumptive child
of Lady Isabel in East Lynne" in the
touching death-scence at the close of the
act representing the wretched mothers
return forom her self.imposed exile.
While the audience were being moved
to tears by the impassioned agony Of the
fond mother, poured out at the bedside
of her dying child, and just at the
moment that she exclaimed in broken.
hearted, " He is desdl" the little chap,
who had up to this point been kept quiet
with difficulty, could stand 1t no longer,
and instantly resented the accusation by
exclaiming in q voice distinctly heard
through the house, 1" ] amt dead, Meth
erl"
Curious Freak.
Strange rs 1t may seem, IL is said ~ be
fact that there was once q hand-organ
man who made great deal oil money by
not playing on the instrument at all, and