The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1880-11-25

think it's fair for you to make much out of it,
any way, seeing it happens so seldom; haven't
missed before since brought on that earthquake,
four years ago"
'MORTUIER how you talk Have you forgot
ten the yellow feverW
any dear, you are always throwing up the vel
low fever to me, and think it is perfectly unrea-
sOnable You can't even send a teegraphic mes
sage as far as Memphis without relayF, so how is
a little devotional slip of mine going to carry so
far? Pll stand the earthquake, because it was in
the neighborhOod, but I'll be hanged if Pm going
! to be responsible for every blamed"
! FIT! BOOM beroom-boom! boom! BANG1
"Oh, dear, dear, dear! know it struck some
thing Mortimer Wenever shall see the light ofan-
other day; and if it will do you any good to remem-
ber, when we gone, that your dreadful lam
guage- MOrtimerr
"WELL! What now?'
''Your voice sounds it, Mortimer, you are
actually standing in front of that open fireplace"
"That is the very crime am committing"
"Get away from it this moment! You do seem
determined to bring destruction on us all. Don't
YOU know that there is no better conductor for
lightning than an open chimney? Now where
have you got tO?''
"Tm here by the window
"Oh, for PHYS sake, have you lost your mind?
Clear out from there this moment. The very
children in arms know il is fatal to stand near
window in a thunder storm. Dear, dear, know
l shall never the light of another day! NIorti
mern
''YeSn
''What is that rustlng?"
"Its me.n
"What are you doing?n
Trying to find the upper end Of my pantaloons."
"Quick throw those things away do believe
you would deliberately put on those clothes at
such time this yet you know perfectly well
/ that all authorities agree that wOOen stutls
attract lightning. Oh, dear, dear it is sufficient
/ that ones life must be in peril from natural
causes, but you must do everything you can pos
sibly think of to augment the danger Oh, don't
sing! What can you be thinking of?''
''Now where's the harm i'm it?n
"Nlortimer, if | have told YOU once, have told
you a hundred times, that singing causes vibra-
tonS i'm the atmosphere which interrupt the flow
of the electric fluid, and What on earth are YOU
opening that door for?n
Goodness gracious, woman, is there any harm
in that ~
Harm? There's death in it! Anybody that
has given this subject any attention knows that
TO create draft Is 10 invite the lightning. You
haven't shut it shut il Highland do hurry, or
we all destroyed. Oh, il Is an awful thing TO
be shut up with lunatic at such time this.
Mortimer, what are YOU dOing"
Nothing. Just turning on the water. This
/ room is smothering hot and close. | want TO
/ bathe my face and hands,
''You have certainly parted with the remnant
/ Of your mind Where lightning strikes any other
substance once, il strikes water fifty times. DO
\ turn it off. Oh, dear, am sure nothing i'm this
world can save Us. 1t does seem to me that
/ Mortimer, what was that2'
at was plaguey picture Knocked it down.
"Then you are close TO the wall! / never heard
/ of such imprudencei Don't YOU know that there's
/ no better conductor for lightning than a wall
/ Come away from therel And you came as near rs
/ anything to swearing too. Oh, how can you be
so desperately wicked and your family in such
1 peril? Mortimer did you order feather bed a.
asked you to do?"
''No. Forgot it.n
Forgot it! 1t may cost you your life. If you
had feather bed now and could spread it in the
middle of the room and lie on it, you would be
perfectly safe. Come in here-come quick, before
you have chance 10 commit any more frantic
/ indiscretions."
e.,
both with the door shut, unless we could be con
tent to smother. / gasped awhile then forced my
way out. My wife called out:
"MOrtimer, something must be done for your
/ preservation. Give me that German book that il
on the end of the mantel-piece, and candle, but
/ don't light it. Give me the match; ! will light it
! in here That book has some directions in it,
! got the book-at the cost of vase and some
other brittle things-and the madam shut herself
up with her candle. / had moments peace;
. then she called out:
| Mortimer what was that?'
"Nothing but the ca;."
"The cat Oh, destruction! Catch her and
shut her up in the wash-stand. DO be quick,
love; cats are full of electricity. | just know my
hair will turn white with this nights awful perils'
| heard the mufiied sobbings again. But for
that | should not have moved hand or foot in such
a wild enterprise i'm the dark.
| However, went at my task-Over chairs, and
against all sorts of distractions, all of them hard
ones too, and most of them with sharp edges-and
at last got kitty cooped up in the commode, at
an expense of over four hundred dollars in broken
furniture and shins. Then these muflled words
| came from the closet
at says the safest thing is to stand a chair
i'm the middle of the room, Mortimer; and the legs
Of the chair must be insulated with non-cOn-
/ ductors. That is, you must Set the legs of the
/ chair i'm glass tumblers. [Fzt!-boom bang =
Smash y Oh, hear that! Do hurry, Mortimer
before you are struck
! / managed to find and secure the tumbers.
got the last four-broke all the rest. insulated
the chair legs and called for further Instructions
Mortimer, ii says, 'Wahrend zines Gewtters
| entferne man Metallic vie Z. b., Rnge, Uhren
Schlussel, etc, Won sich und hate sich auch ncht
an sochen Steen Tuf, viele Metallic bic
einander iegen, oder NIT andern Korpen verbun-
den sind, vie an Herden, Oefen, Eisengitten u.
doll Mhaf dnns that mnan. Mnrimnr2 Docs IL