Middletown transcript., 1880-02-21
-CHIps-

'Si JOUuy - HtiiluB 10 hckhOWIeuge tnat
this has not been an ice inter.
These Greenbackers might as we'll take in
their sign and shut up their shop now. If
paper keeps on going up it will soon cost
about 81 to print SIS greenback.
Some of our capitalists have become SO
much absorbed in the poor of Ireland that
they have entirely lost sight Of the fact that
We have few poor people lying about loose
in this country.
When California editor gets ready to call
contemporary ''prevaricator" some
other word Of little niger proof-he is al
ways careful to first tell the foreman the style
offuueral notice he wants.
medical journal has discovered that men
tai or physical labor before or after eating is
one Of the most exciting causes of dyspepsia.
This must be the reason why SO many people
object to working between meals.
1t is not in good taste to show surprise or
astonishment OF anything, but the manifesta-
ton of such feeling is entirely excusable in
man who finds button on the back Of the
oulJ suAIt III tue buFPiiu drawer.
Il can smile my cares away Y cries an i'm
pulsive young he-poet, in short-metre graz
tuilious poem Of recent date Yes, oung
man, you can but he careful. while you are
doing it, that you do uot, NJ the same time,
smile yourself into the station house
The presen: winter has been very hard
one on Presidential hoams Many of them
were left out too late in tie fall, aud others
were pulled too green. B3oms should he
carefully handled at first, packed away in salt
with the big end down and only brought ont
few days before Conventions are in blossom.
This being leap year doubtless many of
the fair sex will be maid hoppy. Ed. T. Tor
iaIEs
Some women, like certain articles of fur
niture, are called dressers.-Syracuse Sunday
Times
The man who steps over small dog is
likely to have his shins barked-Nep Orleans
Picqyuae.
A woman's cold in the head is not as dan
gerous as her scold in the house. HackensGcE
Republican.
Lots ofmen will waste dollars worth of
time beating salesman down five cents on
his price.-&eubenUille Herald
One of the saddest awakenings of life is to
hear that the girl you used to squeeze weighs
225 pounds -SiIIOater Lumberman.
The milk of human kindness wells up from
the heart, but cows milk comes from the
udder place.-Syracuse Sunday Times.
Nearly everything seems to be possible e1-
cept to get an ofice-boy to trim a kerosene
lamp SO that it won smoke.-Rone Sentinel.
Women's rights may be a reality in the fu-
ture, but she can never become juror on
murder case. She would know too much
about it, GoUanda Enterprise.
new use has been found for boarding
house buckwheat cakes in the oil regions
They are utilized for patching up second
hand steam boilers Cory Herald.
II IL better to be unknown than to hav a
pedigree that il too much for US, just so it is
better for pekok to be bobtailed than to hav
one too big to spred.-Josh Billings.
To those who have never enjoyed the bliss
of neuralgia, the humor of getting up col
umn of alleged jokes, is not apparent in all
its supreme beauty Union.
Here is a modern proverb for young men !:
Never leave what yon undertake until you can
reach your arms around it and clinch your
hands on the other side Carthage Republican.
Western folks are full of sympathy with the
people Of Maine who have had to read three
inaugural addresses from as many governors
de facto, de jure and defunct.-SomerriHe
Journal
There is a woman in Wisconsin who has
been married ffty-eight years and who has
never missed building the kitchen fire Her
husband is probably the oldest fire escape on
record Waterloo Observer.
Why is it when one man calls another
liar and scoundrel the insulted person al
most invariably asks, "What do you mean,
sir2" 1t would seem that such language
would not require map and diagram to
make it clear.-SteubeaUilIe Herald.
"Young man" said the orator, impressive
ly, "do you want to 60 down 10 a drunkards
grave?" "Well," replied the young man,
with the careless grace of man who isn't ac-
customed to refusing, 81 don't care if do.
Whereabouts is your grave? p Ha,Cheye
poet says, II can never smile again"
o, yes you can. You may have thought so
when you swore off on New Years day, but
that same old 'ismile'-price ten cents--will
play around your mouth before the year is
two months old. Stick pin here.-Puck
A victim of domestic infelicity, who is in
the habit Of dreaming, should never 60 to
sleep in church. A congregation near Quincy
was somewhat startled last Sabbath when
venerable member excitedIy yelled, "Here,
now drop that skillet, old womn!'- Quincy
Modern ArgO.
stYou Young scamp Didn't | tell ynn 10
come right home from school and not go
playing with those Mccarthy boys And
didn't tell you I'd thrash you you didn't?
Come here, you brat, while spank you And
be it enacted that this act shall take effect inn
n,ediately," said The mother as she laid the
boy over her lap Camden Post.
ROBERTS HORSE POWDER The popularity
ofM. B. Roberts Horse Powder is proving it.