Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-01-08
RATES or ADvERrIsIse.
PIrH AND POINT.
= CRATE styic--An open fireplace.

CRATE stylc--An open fireplace.
LAID on the table-Thc table cloth.
" one ifttic movssc I'm the plural is mice.
The plural Of house should be certainly hicc
| SLIGHT of Misunderstanding an offer
of marriage.
MORO Of the drcssmnkcr-As yc rip,
so shall We sew.
No lady can wipe her nose too often
on a $40 lace handkerchief.
HoPE springs eternal in the spinstcr's
thought, man never Is, but always 30 be
caught.
WHEN two women with new hats on
pass each other on the street there IL n
pair of back stares made Immediately.
IF women had the ballot, what would
she do with itP 1t isn't long enough for
belt or big enough for n hustle.
Professor in English Literature
al will now show you some exceptional
feet. MIR. s., win you please como
forward g'-CdrneH Era.
A YOUNG lady graduate entered n
large book store and asked for the "In-
fantile Innoccnts In the Recesses Of the
Forest" The clerk had formerly been
connected with the Post-ofiicc Depart
ment, was use 10 hard ones, and nj once
handed out " The Babes in the Woods"
"MY dear, said sentimental maiden
o her lover, "of what do these autumn
nal tints, this glowing baldric Of the skies,
this blazing garniturc Of the dying year,
remind youP" Pancakes" he prompt-
ly answered. And then she realized Tor
the first time that the two hearts did not
beat rs one.
A LADY was heard TO ask friend In
strect-car the other day: Annie, Is Il
proper to say this ere that 'crcp"" Why,
Kate, Of course not" was the reply.
"Well," said Kate, al don't know
whether II Is proper or not, but I feel
cold in this ear from that air." The
conductor tainted.
"IIow long has she been deadPr in
quired a bereaved husband rs he quietly
stepped into the room. "About five
Minutes" answered fearful bystander.
"Well, it's all right. I never got n
chance 10 see any Of my folks draw their
last breath. II q hundred of my friends
were to die, t'would be Just my luck 10
miss IL every time" Grief win assert
itself.
al WONDER what makes Il look 80
dark and gloomy outdoorsP" said Mrs.
Hickcnlooper 90 the ncxt-door ncighbor,
who had just run in minute 10 borrow
a couple of fresh-laid eggs. al guess
it's because your windows need wash
ing" gently remarked the ncxt-door
neighbor, critically running her fore
finger up and down the glass. And
then there was sort Of GOODNESS fell like
a wet sheet on the assembled multitude,
and the next-door neighbours cake
wasn't as rich by two eggs as Il might
have been.-NeD Haren Register.
A YOUTH from the rural districts went
to the Cleveland Opera-housc-25-ccnt
gallery, side door. When the perform
ancc was over, rs he stepped FROM the
brilliantly lighted building to the dark
encd thoroughfare his eyes became
dazed and he unconsciously placed his
foot on the heavy iron and glass grating
which runs across the pavement. Some
what surprised, he glanced down, and
just as he did SO bright rays Of light
flashed up through the grating from the
basement. He thought his time had
come and that he was already In the 9th
er world. He gave big jump and
rushed wildly down the street as II he
thought "the old boy" was after him.