The Russellville Democrat., 1880-07-22
CREAM OF THE MAILS.
BrNoEN ON THE RHINE.


 legion of old Tom cats had been gatheredbv There was lack of .woman's nursing, but sur.
 felt of tin pals;
 weary, restless nights,
 Took firm, strong hand in ending one or moro The noisy % pals adjusted with cautious careful He led those sombre felines to thoroughfars And tieing them together with trusty hunk of He started them for Bingen, old Bingen on the
 GONE INTO TRAINING. a
 Lotta is to be married, it is said, and has gone into training for the ceremony. She thinks that with a few months practice she can walk from the vestibule to the chancel without kicking moro than five times. Philadelphia, ,News.
 WHAT FLASHED UPON HIM.
 q am an independent voter, and I cant support you until I have seen your platform, she said as he finished proposing. A couple hours later it dawned upon the young mans mind that she wanted to know the amount of his salary. Philadelphia Chronicle.
 HOW TO IRRIeATE,
 The Semi-Tropic California; asks: "How shall we irrigate?" There are var ious ways in which this can be done. Some walk up to the bar and take theirs straight, others take it home in jug and irrigate Ion the sly." The sub ject is one concerning which great minds dlffer.-Kansas City Times.
 BORN TO BAD LUCL.
 Some men are born to bad luck. A New Hampshire man went through three years of the war and wasn't even scratched or sick day, while his next neighbor got wound in the only battle he was in that entities him to big pen- sion, while the first poor fellow has to work for living.-Bostor Post.
 aa3 THEIR RELATIVE MERITS.
 Two children were engaged in dis- pute as to the relative merits of their respective fathers. Finally one of them said in 8, tone of triumph: Well, my papa is the bravest, anyway; he listed in thewar." Huh, that's nothin'," was the disdainful rejoinder; my papa listed three times in one year, and got bounty every time" Rome Sentinel. aasl1 RIVALS IN SOCIAL SUCCESS. w@
 Scene--Staircase of Ducal mansion. The Duchess at home. Small and early" Mrs. Jones Ia new beauty, with more surprise than pleasure Well I ne;erl Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, of all people, And how scame you here21 Mrs. Robinson Ia still newer beauty)-- I've drove, dear Mrs. Jones. You doR't mean to say you came on footP'-P Punch.' s6f m IT IS FUNNY. saA
 Two young men in light plaid clothes were riding down town on the Metro politan 'eL" road, reading their papers, when one of them saw an item about B robbery in a.boardlng house. in which it was said that the perpetrators of the crime took the jewelry of the landlady and ot three boarders. It is funny. Billy" said the reader, "that they always get away with the jewehy in q boarding house. They never steal any, thing to eat.-Ne,c York Herald.
 AN ENGLISH OPINION.
 Editorial remarks of the London Times on the Chicago nomination: "The Republican, or Locofoco party in the United States, have nominated Chester A. Garforth, Esqre., of Ohio. Illinois, as their candidate for the presidency, to replace MT. Rutherford B. Hawes, who has been inpeached for habitual inebri- ety. This nomination is conceded to be severe blow to the prospects of the Whig, or Democratic party, who now hold the administration of affairs. and who are under the leadership of MT. W. G. sTilden, the Governor of Carmercy territory, which lies at the confluence of the Swanee and Salt rivers. "-P,tck