The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1880-11-18
lflanitowof pilot.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER Is. 1880
THE CHINESE LETTER.

Chinese letter. Nv hat L don un-
derstand is, if Mr.. Garfield says he
didn't send the letter, how did Mr..
Morey get it,
"He didn't get it, they say,
returned Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''They
claim that Morey never saw or
heard of it. Don't you see?"
Perfectly. But who got it? fit
was mailed to Mr.. Morey how
could anybody else get it? If Mr..
Garfield should write a letter to me,
how would a newspaper get hold Of
IT,"
"Well, if he ever does, they'll
know it. Can't We understand any
thing at all, scarcely? The Demo
Gratis say that Mr.. Garfield wrote
the letter and the Republicans say
he didn't
"What do the Greenbackers say?
That would be important"
"Dod gas the Greenbackers,'' re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "What
have they got to do with it. The
question is whether Mr.. Garfield
wrote it, y
Il don't see Why he didn't, if Mr..
Morey got it. Now if Mr.. Morey
got it, there might be some question;
but
"What's the matter with you?"
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.-
What are We thinking with. your
elbows? If Mr.. Garfield didn't send
it, how could Morey get it? S'pose
he went fishing and caught it like an
eel!"
"That's the point" conceded Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "But if Mr.. Morey
did get it, who sent it? He must
have got it, because it was directed
to him.
THAT settles it, groaned Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Nobody thought
Of that before. You've got the
whole postal system in teaspoon.
IF somebody would fit you up with
pigeonholes and an iron safe you d
only need to be assessed ten per
cent by a campaign committee to be
a postoffice. If Mr.. Garfield never
sent that letter, of course Morey
never got it. Amt that plain? Ii
he did get it, then the chances. are
that Mr.. Garfield wrote it. Can ye
sec that"
That's just what | said. Now,
if Mr.. Morey didn't get it, how did
the newspapers get hold Of it? Did
Mr.. Garfield send it to the news
paper!"
ooh. didn't he?" howled Nj.
Spoopendyke. "He took it around
himself. and sprained his leg doing
it. Oh. you've struck it. It took
! your logic to fetch out the facts
With your metaphysics you only
want a red and green light to be a
drug store. The Republicans say
| that Garfield didn't write it or send
it, and Morey never got it or saw it.
Can you get that through your head?
Is there room in your skull fer that
idea?'
Plenty" rejoined Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. but don't the Democrats
say that Mr.. Morey did get it? They
may know as much about it as the
Republicans, aud then they've got
the letter to prove it. If they didn' t
have the letter it would be different,
and it shows that it went to BIZ.
Morey. Now, the only thing is
whether Mr.sMorey was Democrat
or Republican. If he was"
"Are ye an idiot? Have We got to
20 to night school to be fool?
Don't you know .Morey's dead? He
amt Republican or Democrat eth
er; he's an angel, if he's had luck
He left that letter among his papers,
and his wife gave it out for publica-
ton
"Then that ends it." said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. eff his wife gave it
out, l know he never got it. That
Just the way with some women
Always getting their poor dead hus-
bands in trouble. She ought to be
ashamed And so Mr. Garfield ain ;
to be President.
$40 you know what you want?"
shouted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "You
want a high chimney and graveled
walk to be lunatic asylum. Who
says he won't be president? Why
can't he be President"
If he didn't write the letter how
can he?" argued Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"What do you suppose the letter
was, a measly flower pot? Think it
was shot tower? What dye s'pose
it was anyway"
why, his letter of acceptance,
wasn'tit it? Wasn't it something about
his nomination."
no, it wasn't it, sneered Mr..
Spoopendyke. 1T wasa confession
that he was old man Bender
That's what it was. 1t laid the
blame of knocking Nathan's brains
out with Charley Ross on George
Washington-that's what it was
Got it now? Think you can talk
about it ike a human being another
time: and Mr. Spoopendyke shot
out of the house.
:'Well, well" said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, as she held the bed spread up
and figured on whether. she should
turn it over or haveit washed. I'm
glad I'm beginning to understand
politics. But if Mr.. Garfield didn't.
write tAe letter and Mr.. Morey was
alive, it would go hard with Mrs.