The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1880-03-10
WAITS AND WHIMS.


oyster.
THERE is something saddening about
pair of scissOrs-alasl they only meet
20 sever.
THE kind wife who has smile fOrher
husband when he comes into the house
will not drive him to saloon to get one.
CHAMPAGNE is known by its fizz, and
;he champagne drinker is known by his
phiz.
WHAT an object of pity that man is
whose extreme sense of dignity won't
allow him to have any fun in this world
SYRACUSE Herald: If we are to believe
4 local paper, they season the fog at
New Haven, warm it, and serve 1t out
TO the poor for soup.
TEXAS girls like to have arms around
their waists. A brace of revoIvers and
pair of bowie knives constitute q we'll
equipped Texas bellies armament.
QUESTION (by Sunday school teaoher):
FWhy did the Lord drive Adam out OF
the Garden of EdenY' Answer (by boy
who had been to the ZOo)-" Because
Adam gave tobacco to the monkeys"
THREE cigars in a mans vest pocket
saved his life from bullet fired by
Nevada ruffian. If your life is worth
laving, do not neglect to purchase three
sen-cent cigars.
THE Indians with Ouray eat six
square meals a day, first eating all the
meat, then all the bread, then all the
butter, and so on down to the horse
radish, where they stop.
AN East Boston man sent coffin to a
friend as a practical joke, and the man
who received 1t went and sold it to an
undertaken for SIT, and is ready to be
made tha victim of just such another
humorous trick.
TIE city editor of the Leader has sued
man sor 5000 for money loaned. Two
hundred dollars! A city editorll Money
to Ioanlll Why, what are -? Bless
our souls, this looks --l There is need
of an investigation here.-Des M01nes
Register.
THE height of revenge has been In
vented by q small boy in ConshOhokeh:
A correspondent writes that the lad
goes to school there and having been
offended by her teachers ruling, threat
ened to draw her on his slate with her
nose a-runnin'."
AN aged invalid required a nurse. A
friend knew of very excellent person.
GLOW old is sheP' inquired the invalid.
ga bout eighteen; but she looks to be
thirty" "She won't do" said the in
valid; 81 prefer one that is thirty, who
looks to be eighteen"
They had their usual evening quarrel
as they sat by the hearth. On one side
lay quietly blinking dog, and on the
other purring cat; and the old woman
pleaded with her growing husband:
"Yust look at dat gat unit t0g; they
never gwarrels unit fights like us"
"Yah," said the old grOwlef; al know
dot; but yust die dem together one
dime, und den you see blazes"
ABOY in Sunday-school proposed
question to be answered the following
Sunday: GLOW many letters does the
Bible contain % The answer was three
millions five hundred and thirty thOus-
and three hundred and thirty-three.
The superintendent says to James, "ls
that rightW "NO sir" was the prompt
reply. "Wil you please tell us how
many there are, thehW "Twenty-six,
sir"
THEY were sitting silently by the par
lOr fire, intently watching the hands Of
the clock as they slowly crawled around
to the biggest striking place, when she
suddenly said: "Mr. Lourdaud, can you
tell me why you are like a century
plant?" Mr.. l.. nervously readjusting
his eye glass, wriggled about in his chair
and stammered, "Be-be-caw-caw
cause l sh-sh-shall l--l-liye for
for-foreverP' ''NO, you Ounce; it's
because it takes you so long to leavep
The conundrum stuck the Obtuse young
man with such force that he few out of
the front door and the clatter of his
heels on the pavement sounded like the
rattling of lath on picket fence.
THE Buffalo Express thinks Adelaide
Nelson should manage to exc out
rather comfortable existence from her
professional rewards. When in that
city, the other day, she favored the
officials of the Bank of Commerce with
a pleasant call, for the purpose. of ex-
changing $14, 900 forUnited States bonds.
Miss Nelson was accommodated, and
carried away the securities. Speaking
of her performance at Rochester, the
Herald of that city says the receipts
were the largest of any single perform
ance ever given in Rochester, aggregat-
ing $1,3OO.O2.
AN interesting gentleman has just Ie-
wanted from Bradford Pa, leaving, as
the Associated Press agent at that place
says, "two wives and large families"
AS he adds that the 'wives" are sisters
and that both live in the same house it
is evident that new phase of marital
life in Pennsylvania has come into view.
1t appears the absconder was ga promi-
nent citizen and member of the Health
Board"
Declining Years Of Fast Horses.