The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1880-07-07

Put none but Americans on guard
George Washington; and on
rainy days he'd go out into the
corn barn and jab at Il picture of
the Pope with an old bagnet that
was there. l ought to put my
foot down then; but he fooled me
so with his hes about the Pope's
! coming to make all Yankee girls
marry Irishmen, and to eat up al!
the babies that warn't born with
a cross on their toreheads, and |
let him so on, and encouraged him
in it.
Then he iined the Masons.
P'raps you know what them be,
but don't 'cept they think
they're the same kind of critters
that built Solomon's Temple, and
took care Of his concubines and
of all the darned nonsense and
CAB about worshipful mas and
squares and compasses and sich,
that we had in the house for the
next six months, you never sec the
beat. And he's never outgrowed
it nuther. What do you think Of
a man, Squire, that'll dress hisself
in white apron, bout big enough
for monkeys bib, and 60 march
ing up and down, and making mo-
lious and talking the foollshest
lingo At a picture OF George Wash
ington in green jacket, and u
truss on his stomach? Amt he I
loonytick Well, that's my Sam,
an I've stood it as long as I'm
gojn' to.
The next lnnge the fool made
was into the Odd Fellows |
made it warm for him when be
came home and told me he'd jined
them but he kinder paci6ed me
by telling me that they had a sort
of branch show that took in VIC
men, and ned get me in as soon
as he found out how to do it..
Well, one night he como home and
said Id been proposed, and some
body had black -balled me. Did it
hisself, of course. Didn't want
me round knowing to his goings
on. Of course he didn't, and | told
him so.
Then be jincd the Sons Of NAL
ter. Didn't say nothing to me
about it, but sneaked off one
night, pretendin' he'd got to set
up with a sick Odd Follow ; and
Id never found it out, only he
came home looking like a man
that had been through a thresh- :
ing machine, and ! wouldn't do q
thing for him till he owned up.
And so it's gone from bad to wus,
and from was to wusser jinin'
this and that and t'othec, TIL he s
| Worship Minister Of the Masons,
and Goddess Of Hope of the Odd
Fellows, and Sword swallower Of
the Finnigans, and Virgin Cerus
Of the Grange, and Grand Mogul
of the Sons Of lndolence, and
Two Edged Iomahawk Of the
United Order Of Black Men, and
Tale-Bearer of the Merciful Mani
kins, and Skipper Of the Guild Of
Caratrine Columbus, and Big Wiz
ard OF the Arabian Nights, and
Pledge-Passer of the Reform Club,
and Chief BuIger Of the Irish Ma.
chinists, and Purse Keeper Of the
Order Of Canadian Conscience, and
Eouble-harreled dictator OF the
knights of the Brass Circles, and
Standard Bearer Of the Royal
Archangels, and Sublime Porte of
/ the Onion League, and Chamber
maid of the Celestial rubs, and
Puissant kotentate ofthe Retritied
Rig-Stickers, and the Lord or! !y
knows what else. I've borne it
and borne it, hopin' he'd get 'em
all iined after after a while, but
faint no use; and when he'G got
into Il new one, and been made
Grand Guide Of the Nights or
Horror, told him I'd quit; and l
will
He'e the Major interrupted,
saying:
Well, your husband is pretty
we'll initiated, that's fact but
the Court will hardly call that
good cause for . DIVORCE. The
nosS Of The sooietios you mention
E are composed Of honorable men,
and have excellent regulations.
Many Of them, though called
lodges, are relief associations
and mutual insurance companies,