The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-01-08
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
THE OLD MAN WOULDN'T DE SLIGHT
ED.-A passer-by puts his head in at
the window Of tho shop where an hon
est cobbleris working, never thinking
of evil, and says cheerily: "Well, my
friend, how many thieves are there in
this street without counting you P"
"WhatW yells the oobbler, "without
his impcrturbable questloncr. show
many are there count ng you?''
a COUNTRY doctor, being out for q
days shooting took his crrand boy to
carly the game-bag. Entering field
of turnips the dog pointed; and the
boy, ovcrjoycd at tho prospect of his
masters success, exclaimed, "Lor,
master, there s a covcy; ifyou got near
'em WON'T you physic 'em - "physic
them, you young rascal? what do yon
mean?" said the doctor. 'Why. kill
'cm to be sure" replied tho lad.
a COUPLE Of young men staying un-
conscionably late ono night with their
sweethearts, were surprised to see the
"old man" looking about the hall and
finally tho parlor as though In search
of something. "What are you looking
for, pap" ut last asked one Of the girls.
"Thc morning papers!" growled the
old man, and the young men took a.
hasty leave.
The boy who substitutes living for.
a dead hornet IN the collection of a
ncar-sighted entomologist, and then
asked the man of science to show him
where the Insects sting is located,
should be held responsible for any re-
ligious sentiments tho victim may ad-
vance.
An impertinent fop made sport Of an
old farmers large nose, mouth and
chin, but the old farmer silenccd him
by saying, Your nose, mouth am :lin
all had TO bo made small 80 that there
would bo material enough left for yoar
check.'
81 WISH you would paya little moro
attention to what am aying. sir"
roarcd lawyer to an eXa3perating
witness. II am paying as little after
tomas l caN," was the calm reply.
AN lrishman was accused of stealing
a handkerchief of fellow traveller,
but the owner on finding it apologizsd
to Pat, and said that it was a mistake.
"Arrah, my jowcl," rctortcd Pat, ut
was two-siued mistukc--vou took mo
far thaif, and took you for Il gentle
man. ..
THE subject Of conversation aC an
evening entertainment was the intclli-
genco Of animals, particularly Of dogs.
says Smith-"There arc dogs that ha' 8
moro sense than their masters" ''Just
so," responds young Fitznoodle, "I'vc
got that very kind of a dog myself"
TIE following explanation Of a legal
term is offered by a Tcutonic member
OF the Canton police force: even l get
mo out Il hapeas scopius l can chust SO
veil catch man where he ain't as
whero he is.'
"MoNEy does everything for a man."
said an old gentleman pompously.
"4cs,' repliod the other one, ''but
money WON'T do rs much for a man as
some men will do for money" '" '"-
THR young lady who aspires to be
admitted to the ranks Of the legal pro-
fossion does not reflect that the graft
hcatlOn Of her ambition would only
make hcra bar-maid.
"MAMMA," said Harry Thomas, a
bright little fellow living over In AL
gicrs, "Mamma, have my toes got
cyes?" "No. my darling; why DO
You ask such foolish question?'
"Becausc my foot's aslosp." 80"
.t,-, - - -, ,.,;
FATHER: "And 80 papa's dear little
boy Is very i'll. Now Is there anything
| can get him that VIII make him feel
Dottcrf' Invalid; VI don't know, pa
pa-but-[ think I would like, a gong"
-~--
MISTRESS to her late scryant)--
you left mo, and where arc YOU living
now?" Yo serYant-"Please ma'am,
married, ma am" sfs's.R