The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1880-01-07

Testament-.lOh2a Locke.
"Is he rich % asked the tourist.
eyes," replied the sexton, II guess
he is pretty wealthy at least he never
puts more than ten cents into the
plate Sunday morning"
A paper, commenting on the fact
that farmer nearly lost his life by
sinking in quagmire, adds: "Men
who do not subscribe for newspaper
must expect to be sucked in every
now and then.
"There now" exclaimed little
girl, while rummaging a drawer in
the bureau, grandpa has gone to
heaven without his spectacles."
Il have love-letter,' said the SER
want girl to her mistress. "Will We
rade it to me And here is some
cotton wud we stuff in yer ears whole
ye rade it ?'
money does everything for a man."
said one old gentleman, pompously.
"Yes," replied the other one, "but
money won't do as much for a man
as some will do for money"
"Young man." says quaint writer,
"if you.are to be married, your future
wife is now living; therefore. pray
for her. And while you are about it
don't forget to pray for her future
husband; he needs praying for as
much as she does"
A little fellow in Connecticut asked
his parents to take him to church with
them. They said he must wait until
he was older. "Well," was his shrewd
suggestion in response, "youd better
take me now, for when l get bigger
I may not want to go.
"Hallo, old man, what's wrong +?
You look pretty pale about the gills.
Sick ?" "Sick? l have been sick,
and you'd be sick, too, if you had rid
den five hours in a railway carriage
with your back to the engine,n 'But
why didn't you change seats with
somebody" GLOW could 1? l was
all alone in the compartment. There
was no one in the opposite seat TO
change with me.
Facetious old party GLOW long
do you say that wine has been bottled,
waiter p Waiter: Fourteen years,
sir" Facetious old party sLor', |
didn't know flies would live as long
as that" Waiter "rffiies, sir ?n Face
tious old party: "Yes; mean that
one kicking about in the bottle"
There is nothing SO charming as
the innocence of children. Mamma
said a five-year-old, the other day. II
wish you wouldn't leave me to take
care OF the baby again. He was SO
bad that | had to eat all the sponge
cake and two jars of raspberry jam to
amuse him. p San francisco Post.
Alexandra, Princess of Wales, has
just passed her thirty.fifth birthday.
1t is one of the sad consequences of
royal station that queens and princes.
SEES are obliged to see every succeed
ing birthday chronicled and cele-
brated; unlike the comparatively
humble Angelina, they can't remain
at twent.fiye for ten years. But of
this fair Danish Princess it must be
said that succeeding seasons leave
her only more fair, and the charm of
her simple, kindly, gracious ladyhood
grows greater day by day. She was
never prettier than now.
To tell the truth, we are surprised
that the women folks show the
amount of common sense they do.
Young man, surprising you were told,
say twenty times day, how bright
your eyes are, what magnificent
tresses are yours, how enchanting
your society is, how incest, sweetest,
best you are; how long, think you,
before you would develop into the
assiest kind ola jackass-always pro-
vided you were not one at the start {?
A tavern keeper on the San Bruno
road was aroused the other night by
an ANTICIPATED old chap who sat over
the front wheels of an open lumber
wagon, and who was evidently much.
disturbed about something. 81 say,
mister" said the rustic, scratching
his head with the but of his whip,
"this here's the road to Frisco, amt
it?" Certainly; but, old man, what
have you done with your hind
wheels ?" "Grert Scott p exclaimed
the old party, rubbing his specs and
looking behind him, eff / haven't
gone and lost them wheels, That
explains the whole thing, though,