Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-04-28
FUNNYGRAPHS.


clock. Rome Sentinel
THE oyster is looking forward toward
his summer vacation.
EYES, dear, we've got gem OF q
house, and only moving from ID to 10
The wasp thinks it is smart to stand on
his hind leg Cincinnati Commercial
LOVE is sweet, and SO is sugar, but
sometimes there is a good deal OF grit Id
both.
A DATRYMAN could furnish clean milk
if he would only strain pint to accom-
modate you.
IT doesn't tire man much to shake
carpets, for the simple reason that he
permits his wife to do it.
IT doesn't tire man to put down a
carpet SO much as it Tres him. CIpcin-
natl Commercial.
WHEN chiropodist enters ballroom
should the band play, "See the Corn
Curing Hero Comes?"
"URUGUAY fellow" remarked Joplin
to Smythekins. "We're Paraguay
fellows" was the retort.
1T is a wise fly that knows the differ
ence between oleomargar1ne and butter.
--LLUCfeC1tSCtCh IlCfJuOttCItFt.
A MAN with a heart can never refuse
the kiss of child. And a man without
heart never gets a chance to refuse.
CAN retired baggage-masterb be prop
erly referred to as the company's ex-
checker ?-Keohuk Gate city.
"M1kE, did you ever catch frogs?"
Eyes. sorr." s'What did you bait
with ?'' 'sBate 'em wild stick, SOFT. :"
sWEIGH your Words" remarks the
philosopher of the New Haven Register.
perhaps they will bring better
price.
NEVER iibe a boom without duclzing
your head. This is important advice now
there are SO many booms coursing over
the political sea.-B0stoa Transcript.
THERE may be just as good fish in the
sea as ever were caught, but this is
mighty poor consolation for the man who
doesn't get bite in half day.
THERE are many people who will new
er go to heaven unless they can get ex-
cursion rates. Whitehall Times. The
fact is the majority go as dead-heads.-
Richmond Baton.
THE Oil City Derrick has dropped
Fifteen to wrestle with this conun-
drum: "Why will women close every
door and window in house when trying
to drive a cat out of doors ?"
THE idea that gunpowder and whisky
will make a soldier feel brave is all nom
sense. Put him behind a stone. wall If
you want to see his spine stifen. De
troit Free Press.
A wE1L-KNowN artist gives his last
work to a porter to carry up to the salon.
"Be careful, be careful, says he, "the
picture is scarcely dry" go, never
mind exclaims the porter, "my clothes
are old.
The editor of the Dayton Record
found 81, 900 In greenbacks in a field
while hunting, but, as 1l-luck would
have it, there were four other men with
him, and one of them was the gunner of
+bn money. ONO editors never have a
fair show.
A SHOEMAKER was arrested for big
amy and brought before the magistrate
(Which wife, asked bystander, evil
he be obliged to take ?" Smith, always
ready for a joke, replied, "He is cob
bier, and of course must stick to his
last
LAWYER c. (entering the office of
his friend Dr. M, and speaking in a
Whisper: Fred, I've got such a cold
this morning that [ can't speak the
truth" DR.. M: "Well, I'm glad
that it's nothing that will interfere with
your business.
JUGsoN-What am a-goin' to plant
ere, miss ?-why, 'taters; the very roots
as Sir Walter Ralley-him wot fust made
'bacca-hinvented 800 years ago. Young
lady-Why, you are quite an educated
man. Jugson-And had ought to be,
miss, COS | onst used to sweep out a
school-house for Twin Fun.
s'WHAT earthly use is it, exclaimed a
languid Washington swell the other
morning, "our twying to be awistocwat-
ic, monarchial and that sort of thing,
when a senator Of the United States eats
peanuts while riding in the street cars.
We're nothing but dim horrid repub-
lie, after all. ="
GETTING out of difficulty: Custom
er-"Dear me, Mr.. Pudd1foot, why,
your four-penny pork pies are but very
little larger than those at twopence. .
Puddifoot-" That's quite true, and [
often hear the same remark. / see how
it is; [ shall have to make them twopen-
ny pies smaller "-Judy.
You see that boy? How. timidly he
approaches every dark spot as he hurries
through the night! how warily he
watches every tree-bo how he jumps
aside at the slightest rustlel how trem-
blngly he meets every wayfarer! Well,
that is the same boy who is just dying to
go out west and slaughter the pesky
redskins. You wouldn't think so, to see
him now; now, would you?-Boston
Transcript.
SOME one put wooden Indian under
the bed Of a Detroit old maid, and, of
course, she saw it and yelled, and a
policeman came in and crawled under
the bed to bring the burglar out, and
fought the Indian for thirty minutes
before he found out it was wooden, and
then he told the spinster she was gone