New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1880-06-16
How to Behave at Church Festival.

WHEN you 20 to the church festival,
my son, wear your old clothes. You
will not attract SO much attention, but
then tho wise man never goes to the
festival to be seen of men; or, that Is to
say, to be sought Of women.
Be pleasant and smiling and cheer
ful. When they offer you the seductive
bowl of oyster soup, bend over it, affect
to examine it critically, smell it, then
rise up, shake your head sadly, and
with sweet, suggestive smile, say,
"No, thank you, guess not.'' This
adds greatly to the happiness of the
silver haired, motherly old lady who
made the soup.
Lie boldly to the first girl who wants
you to take chance In the parsonage
cake. Tell her you have already taken
two chances, This will make it easier
for the next lie. Then when she looks
over her list and says she can't find
your name tell her you bought your
chances of the other young lady. Then
when she says she is the only person
selling chances in this cake, tell her
then It must have been in the other
cake. Then when she says this is the
only cake they are rafting on, brace up,
look her right in the eye, and tell her,
"Oh yes, you remember now, it must
have been in the cake last year,. She
can't deny this, and you Gun look tri-
umphant. But remember, my son, if
you start thing of this kind you will
have to keep it up.
If you pick up any pretty little article
on the fancy tables, ask the price of the
same, and when you are told, drop it
from your nerveless fingers, and, as it
falls upon the floor, exclaim, in tones of
amazement, "Well, I am 49," and
leave the audience to imagine what you
are. This never fails to please the
young lady who has charge of that
table. She will mention you to her
friends. sd.
Should you meet the pastor during
the evening say to him, If he asks
whether you are having good time,
"Oh, yes, I feel like the man who went
down to Jericho and-'here look very
arohly at the young ladies behind the
embroidery table, and proceed-"fell
among thieves"
Affect pleasant but natural and I'M
disguised horror of the tides, and
designate the worsted work as "stuff. y
Wonder what the ]ambrequins are for,
and laugh, short, explosive, sardonic
laugh, when the ladies tell you. If
some girl has sent a water color or oil
painting of her own to the fair, affect
to mistake the road for river, and
wonder why people are driving along
the top OF the water in a wagon. Also
try to spell out the name Of q hotel on
the elm tree in the foreground, affect
ing to mistake it for an old-fashioned
swinging country inn sign.
If possible, coax the prettiest girl
away from the refreshment table and
keep her promenading the room all the
evening with you, while tired old
woman does her work. Talk great
deal to all the girls at all the tables, and
spend just as little as you talk much.
Your conversation is considered vastly
more valuable at 8 church fair than
your money.
By closely observing these rules, my
son, and carrying out the line of con.
duct they vaguely suggest, you viii moi
be much annoyed by the begging com.
mittees, for they will soon learn tc
know you, and you will be set down a.
man about town and young man
who knows what's what. s.'f, .s. 8, 5.s
You will also be set down as au ass;
an empty-headed, conceited, stingy,
shallow. Drained ass.
If you want to pay the price, my son,
sail in; the article Is yours. Bslrltsg.
ton Ha,oA-Eye. =.
"A St. Louis boy was delighted when
a fine, six-bladed knife dropped down
to him apparently from the sky,
Wrapped around it was paper on
which was written, 1--WE are fastened
in the dome; for heavens sake help us
OUT Two girls had assembled to the
top Of the Court House, and closed 8
seH-locking door.
Mrs. Webster, widow Of the late
Colonel Fletcher Webster and owner 81
the Daniel Webster homestead al
Marshfeld, Mass, will erect next spring
q new dwelling on the site of the old
farmhouse that was burned, and much
like it as possible.