The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-03-25
PASSING SMILES.
"VIDI" is the Latin for ice-saw.
EDITORS and hens must scratch for ,

N1DI is tne Latin Tor lce-saw.
EDITORS and hens must scratch for
living. ....-,...,.-
A TOMBSTONE often speaks truth
when it Gays &C here lies"
The seven to eight Electoral Commits
sion was tie first game of fifteen.
E WHY don't the icemen hire pretty
girl to make eyes for them? (Patent
applied for.
THE porters who handle kegs of silver
in the Treasury Department are rolling
in wealth..
"IF hit YER" said one small boy to
another, "yer'll be usin' yerself fer
snuff ter morrer.
~ MAN wants little here, bill owe,
But wants that little bad.
QUITE a number of young men are
gone ON the new game of 15, but II can
give her points and win every time.
A DAKOTA girl has married a China
man. He had some difficulty in explain
ing the state of his heart, but she finally
got his cue.
A PTTTsBURG man recently made two
unsuccessful attempts to hang himself.
He had probably been a sheriff in his
lifetime.
A BOY Of fourteen has married a
woman aged sixty-eight, in Delaware.
He is never jealous of his wife.
AN infant boy in Webster County,
KY, has six fingers on each hand.
Won't he be terror to bartenders
when he grows up?
WIFE (on the rivers bank y" Good
ness! the ice has broken up, and there
goes William Henry without one cent of
insurance to cover his loss."
WASHINGTON never told lie, but if
the gem puzzle had existed in his day
we fear that he might have-have said:
"Oh, Pve done it, done it lots of times,
but can't tell just how"
AN exchange prints a touching little
episode on what child's kiss could do.
The current belief in this matter is that
it could get a mans mustache all mo-
lasses, and milk, and stuff.
THERE is sleep for the eve that is fearful,
balm for the heart that is sad
And calm for the spirit that IS fearful.
And for every liver-a pad.
WHEN mule has learned not to be
bashful, and to show his true nature in
the presence of an assembly, he is ad-
vertised by the circus folks as trick
| mule.
AN editor thus present
of grapes: We have received a basket
of grapes from our friend W., for which
he will accept our compliments, some
of which are two inches in diameter"
BALD-HEADED persons are recon-
mended, by one who knows how it is
himself, to have a spider painted on the
top o. their heads as a preparation for
the fast approaching fy-time.-Bufato
Express.
"WILL you also go to the masked
ball7" Yes, if only knew how to
disguise myself" cob! that's easy
enough. All you have to do is to keep
your mouth shut for the whole evening,
and no one will recognize you"
DON'T be in hurry in this world. A
Missouri farmer had a boil. Some one
told him it was cancer, and he was SO
scared that he hung himself. The best
way is is go slow and poultice 'em.
A DRUNKEN member of Parliament
said to the Attornay General, one day,
!" am self-made man, am" Then,
sir" replied the philosophical Attorney
General, "the fact relieves the Almighty
of great responsibility
STATISTICS show that married men
live longer than single. This probably
explains why some men marry three
weeks after the decease of their last
wives. They are unwilling to risk
single life longer period.
A DETROIT girl thrashed two street
loafers who bothered her, and then
went home and saw a mouse jump up
on top of book case and tainted away.
Street loafers in Detroit will hereafter
carry mice in their pocke is to trot out
for self-protection.
A YOUNG New Yorker was introduced
to Boston girl, and before they were
acquainted thirty minutes she got SO
spooney that she had called him an
asterolepis, a Silurian placo;d and a
cartilaginous vertebrate. He returned
to New York by the midnight train.
THE game of Sixteen" is played at
the front gate with one foot on the bot
tom and both arms across the top, while
she stands on the other side and winds a
: bit of blue ribbon around her fore-finger
and heaps up little pile of gravel with
!, her foot.
THEY were sitting together Sunday
evening, with an album or two between
them, when she pleasantly asked: "How
would you like to have my mother live
with your? In Just fifteen seconds he
had his hat down half way over his face
and was boiling through the gate.
THE Syracuse Times tells of smart
boy in that town who took his sister to
, the meat market to see a ground hog,
i, and when they arrived, he showed her
. tub of sausage meat.
HE entered the grocery store, and said
not word, but allowed his cane to
: swing to and fro exactly as the pendulum
i of clock. The grocer only said, No,
: we sell nothing on tick" and the man
t with the cane passed sadly and silently
| ont