The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-03-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

ALWAYS in naste--The letter h.
BETWEEN two evils, choose neither.
WIDOWS and widowers ought to be
repaired.
TROUBLE can always be borrowed at
low rates.
To STOP man from taN1ing-Cut his
head off.
No PART of man will stand so many
blows as his nose.
ACIDS and pickles are usually the con-
tents of the family jar.
BEN JoNsoN was the first English
man who dropped his h."
The center of gravity-The lowest
button on a Quakers vest.
SOME men cannot call their soles
their own till they settle with the shoe
maker.
WHY is the vowel 90" the only one
sounded? Because all the others are
inaudible.
How OLD is our earth?" asks an ex-
change. Couldn't say. 1t go. here be-
fore we did
A Dogs tail is the greatest novelty of
the day. Why? Because no one ever
saw it before.
A DUTCHMAN, describing a pair of
horses, said: "Dey was exactly alike,
specially der off one."
SoFr solder mends many hole in a
hard pan, and taf,y heals many wound
ed spirit, il judiciously applied.
"DoEs your wife play euohre ?" asked
one. "No," replied the other, rubbing
his head, "but she's death on poker"
Poor Adam had no choice when he
felt matrimonially inclined. He had to
take the first woman he came across.
WHEN man utters tarefaced false
hood, you feel shocked; but when he
tells another, the effect is to pair o lies.
Mrs. Brown says her husband is such
blunderer that he can't even try on "a
new boot without putting his foot into
it,
The habits of fruit are peculiar; we
have seen u raisin box, a fig drum, and
an apple stand all day on the corner of
IA street.
DUTY stares me in the face" said the
deacon, when the custom house officers
caught him smuggling dozen pair of
gloves.
The most determined woman-hater
we ever met is so sci in his dislike that
he won't go near a gal-vanic battery
Shocking
DID you ever notice that the man
who calls baby a brat never knows
as much in week as a ten-pound baby
does in minute?
SHE was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond of her. She hated
him, but, woman like, strove to catch
him. He was flea.
A CHILD being asked what were the
three great feasts of Jews, promptly and
not unnaturally replied Breakfast,
dinner and supper"
APoTHECARY-"Ycu want this pre-
scription filled, sir, L understand Pat
rick-"Divil bit of it, SURF! It's the
bottle l wud have filed"
A WESTERN editor says one hug is
worth dozen love letters, and they
cannot be introduced as evidence in a
reach of-promise suit, either.
JACK, what relation to you is that
old gentleman 1 saw you with this
morning?" "Oh, not much; he's maj
ried to my grandparents only daugh-
ter"
A JERsEYMAN tells us his wife was
kicked in the jaw by mule. Did it
hurt her?" Bless you, no; but the
mule broke his leg, and had to be
shot,"
A CHICAGO man has woman's tooth
grated into his jaw, and now every
time he passes a millinery store that
tooth fairly aches to drag HIM up to the
window.
A CRITICISM of the opera: Gentle
man-"What breadth of expression she
has" Lady" Yes, her mouth is big
enough to give us any breadth we may
require"
"MR. SMITH, father wants to borrow
your paper. He only wants to read it,"
"Well, go back and tell your father to
send me his supper. 1 only want to
eat it."
HUMrHl' said young gentleman
at play with young lady; Il could
play the lover be ter than that myself.
81 would like: to see you try" was the
naive reply