The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-09-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

When beauty gets SO bald-headed
that she has but one hair left, she
doesn't draw much.
When . man gets ready to swear
over an apparently tough goose, and
then finds the joints yield readily to
the knife, he believes that "a soft an
ser turneth away wrath E
The new Geographical Society of
Japan has just published, ON large
scale, q map of the city of Yeddo.
The names of districts, streets and the
like are inserted both in Japanese and
Latin characters
When you see four or five children
who need combing, washing, and
patching, holding n convention on
front doorstep, you have come to q
.llouse where the mother paints pot
There Is an unprecedented activity
among steel manufacturers. They are
all working overtime, and it is feared
that the supply of metal will run
short. A st. Louis girl has ordered q
pair of skates. ~
% Two ladies' are discussing third,
who is, Of course, absent 'She is re-
alty charming, says one, and, above
"Yes," answers the other, "but there
are no words 70 that air." rfsr
Never mind q man who is hard up,
for no can work. Never mind wom-
an who Is dead broke, for she can get
married. But think of the little dogs
who haven't got any velvet blankets
and Who can't get employment G
"A eentleman accidentally steps ON .
dainty poodle led by an elegant wom-
an "Stupid! A little more and you
would have crushed Fido." "Ahi If
had crushed him 1 would have re-
placed him" "You fatter yourself!'
"Prisoner at the BAR" said the judge
lis there anything you wish to say be-
Z fore sentence is passed upon yoiIi"
The prisoner looked wistfuily toward
the door, and remarked that he would
like to say ''Good evening"" if it would
be agreable to the company =.
= SMaria, said pious husband TO his
wife, "them wicked Smiths are allow
ing their children TO play in the yard
on Sundays. Tomorrow Pll set the
dog ON their chickens. The Judgment
of heaven must be visited on 'em. in
some way"
A young lady was taken to task for
tight lacing, and she said she resorted
to the practice on purely economical
grounds 'sHow 10 that!o asked her
reproyer. why she replied, Il lace
tightly simply 10 prevent waistfuI-
ness" ''t
NO." said Talkington; mo, never
go to church. What does it amount
TO anyway?-ser7hOns and collect ti0ns
] can read better sermons at home.
and as for collections-why, man, Eve
collections without number, both in
prose and verse"
"Ah, Mr.. Shuttle, glad to see you at
church to-day" said the deacon. "Ex-
a. cellent sermon on Herod this after
noon" "Splendid, IRE eplied job. allow
the reverend did put in his licks. I
wouldRt have been in Herod's place
for s."
Old Jones throws his broken plate
and truck at Browns hens when they
intrude on his garden. Brown gener-
ally remarks to his wife: 81 bought
those fowls for pure Game, but they
seem to be Coch- in China to-day"
Brown is an even-tenpered youth.
An old lady wearing pair of green
goggles stepped on the Sacramento
train at South Vallejo and knocked at
the ear door, and actually waited till
it was opened on the inside by q pass
enxer. For consu1nmate politeness
this has no parallel
= The other Sunday bright little girl
Of three years attended service at an
Episcopal church, where the rector
was one of her particular friends. She
objected to her mother making the re-
tsponses, saying Don't speak man.
ma; don't say anything. Uncle John
isn't talking to you.'' = .f tlii}
Boyhood is candid, and middle age,
though it may think the same thing,
is reticent. "What paM," asked
Sunday school teacher, "of The Burial
of Sir John Moore do you like the
best?' He was thoughtful for a mo-
nent, and then replied, "'Few and
short were the praycr we aid."
Elder sister (to young lady inquir-
have been in my employ beforc?" Y,
L.: Eyes. ina'am; but when Miss
Helen was going to be married
thought, as one Of the family, could
best express my annoyance by leaving
/ my situation for short time"
Z Little Willie Ito Mr.. Jones, who is
inaInma) MIR. Jones, how did you
come to have such bald head of Iiair?"
'''Mr. Jones (who is not rs dry as he
looks, and has been in the fur trade):
"Why. Willie, 1 neglected. it one sea-
son, and the moths got into it."
'.Oh, my love, my sweet, may heav-
ems angels whisper golden words as
9 they kiss your peachy cheeksp' wrote
lrvar fn hia haapf nulv sfv
monthsago; and now he wishes the
angels would whisper to him how his
breach of promise suit is likely to end,
and his lawyer frankly says he cannot |
tell. Il
Some time back lady and her little
daughter were awaiting the COM |
mencement Of the performance at |
certain place of entertainment, when |
they were considerably startled by an
OLD gentleman behind them violently |
blowing his nOse.A Great was the |
amusement of those sitting near on
hearing the little girl cxclaim, "MOo-
cows, mamma
At small country town there late
ly died q middle-aged man, leaving
widow of tbirty-fve. At the funeral
the deacon of the village alluded to
the good qualities of the deceased, and
among others his generosity. He said
the deceased had lent him some money
once. Upon which the weeping wid-
ow raised her head and inquired how
much, and whether he had paid it
back or not
Whose has not observed q school
ma'am, q trife past her fullest bloom,
rather spare and unscrupulOusly neat,
eating piece Of bread and butter at q
picnic, has not seen all in life worth
seeing. The way she holds a morsel
between the EXTREMIST tip ends Of her
forefinger and thumb, while tho little