Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1880-06-02
BANKS BABIES.

1 was detained over Sunday in Barns
bury, and on Sunday morning resolved
to 90 to church. The first church came
to, small frame structure with wood
en- steeple, had the doors and windows
tightly shut, but there was man on the
front steps whiting stick, and said
70 him:
'sAre Won connected with this church,"
Yes" he said, "I'm the sexton.
"What is it closed for?"
We'll, mostly on account Of Banks
lr.hies."
"Babies?"
Sit down, and I'll tell you about it.
You know Banks; he come to this town
20 live a few weeks ago, a perfect
stranger, and he rented pew in this
church 1t seems that Banks had three
little bits of babies, triplets, not moren
months old, and then, besides these,
he had twins about a year old. So no
bodv knew about the babies, but Banks
wanted 10 have the little darlings bap-
tizcd. and he allowed to Mrs. Banks that
60 rush the whole five babies into church
Oh one Sunday morning might excite re-
mark. YOU understand. So he settled
that he'd have 'em christened gradually,
SO 70 speak. Accordingly, the next Sun
day he fetched little Jimmy, one Of the
hplets, aud all went off well enough.
On the followin' Sunday he came
promenadm' up the aisle with George
Washington, another triplet, and DIR.
Binns. orr preacher, he fixed him up all
right. People thought it was queer, but
when. Oh The next Sunday mornin',
Banks and his wife come into church
with another baby, William Henry, cry.
ING like Pawnec war-whoop, some of
the folks couldn't help snickerin'.
"Hows0mdever, nobody complained,
and all might have been well If Banks
hadn't come along the Sunday after with
Elijah Huusiker Banks, one of the twins.
Everybody laughed, and Mr.. and Mrs.
Banks they were furious-mad as any
thing. YOU know and when Elijah Hun
skier Banks hauled off, accidentally,
with his hand, and hit Dr. Binns, who
was holding him during the ceremony, a
whack in the face, and the doctor
dropped him in the water, the congrega-
hon Just fairly roared with laughter.
Mrs. Banks turned as red as fire, and
looked as if she would like to murder
somebody.
"Well, you know, we all thought this
was the last, and public feeling kinder
simmered down on toward the end of
the week, when who should come boom
ing UP the aisle on Sunday morning but
Mr.. and Mrs. Banks with Tecumseh
Aristotle Banks, the remaining twin.
Well, you ought just to've heard that
congregation laugh [ never seen moth
in like it III all my experience. Even
DR.. Binns had to smile. And the
Bankses they were perfectly wild with
rage. Anyhow, they baptized Tecum-
sch: and after meeting some Of the
elders got to jokin' about it. One said
they'd have to apply to the Town Super
visors for an extension of the water
works; another allowed that arrange
ments ought to be made to divert Huck-
lpherrv creek, and run it down the mid
die aisle of the church; another made
some kind of joke about business be-
inn Good because so many banks were
in town another said that Banks would
need about twelve pews when his family
grew up.
"Somebody must have fold Banks
about it, foI what does he do to avenSe
himself? He sends down to Clarion
county. to his two sisters, to come and
bring their children. So they had a
couple of babies apiece, and, as soon as
thev arrived, Banks he begins to bring
them to church gradually, like the 9th
crs. You never seen such meetings as
them The church was damned full, and
people inst roarin'. And when Banks
come in on Sunday, with the fourth and
last of his sisters children, the trustees
thought it was time 10 interfere. Gettin'
60 be a farce, you know.
$50 Deacon Smith he stepped up and
said something to Banks, and Banks,
ouick'n q wink, laid down the baby and
banged the deacon with his fist. And SO,
dunno how il MRS, but in a minute
there was Banks and Deacon Smith ant
Deacon Hubbard and Banks sister,
baby and me all a-rollin' and a-bumpin
over the floor, hittin' and kickin' anC
whoopin' in manner that was ridicu
GUS to behold.
"And when we all come to and go
Strengthened out, Banks picked up thu
battered baby of his sister and quit, anC
the trustees held an informalmeetin anC
agreed to close the church for amonth
SOS to kinder freeze Banks out, so nov
we've shut up; but reckon it's no use
for hear Banks has got his back up
and gone and joined the other church.
So L said good-day to the sexton, an'
went Ill arch of another sanctuary.
A FAM LIAR instance of color-blindnes
is that Of : nan taking brown silk nm
brella and leaving green gingham IL
Zee ,n1ono