The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-05-13
QartetD.
VARIETY SCRAPS.
arrow escape--A Gre.ladder.

A narrow escape-A f%re.ladder.
The Gates Ajar-Miss Elizabeth Stuart Phelps
has a badly strained ankle.
The Arab who invented alcohol died 900 years
ago, but his spirit still lives.
Let me see your paper a moment, dear" Hus.
band Yes, as soon as we get 10 the tunnel"
The Elmira Advertiser advises young men to
go West and blow up with the country"
An English traveller in the Holy Land, 1t is said,
has discovered Jacobs we'll. There has been a
rumor ahoat that Jacob was. dead.
A husband %telephoned to his wife, What have
you for breakfast and how is the baby2" The an.
sWer came, ~"Buckwheat cakes and measles"
Mamma" asked a little girl, why is 1t they
sing In church wen dine no more and then 20
right home and diner"
The line must be drawn somewhere, and the
Government wishes 1t known that spring poetry
will not be admitted 10 the columns OF the Con.
gressional Record.
1t is one Of the most difficult feats imaginable
for a bee to hold his Stung.
A clock pendulum Is b2und to keep time II 1t
has to swing for 1t,
The person who attempts to handle an electric
eel generally imagines that he has found a warm
meal.
Girls, don't throw your cast off shoes In the al.
leyWays, for alley CATERS are dangerous.
Is a short fat man, whose name Is Trip, neces.
sarily a round trip" II 80, lot him be SO tick.
eted.
Little things are often important. What would
a 4O'oeut cigar amount to If you had no matehP
he said her hair WAS dyed, and when she in.
dignantly exclaimed, IT'S falseI he said he pre-.
sumed 80.
A we'll known NJ. G, recently began a speech
with the assertion that The could not keep silent
without saying few words"
Can 1t be properly said Of young man who de-.
votes his time cOmplimeuting the ladies, that he
is engaged in she %praising,
There is difference between lightning rods
and enllghtening rods, One takes the mischief
out Of the clouds, and the other out Of the bad
boys.
"The evils Of mems wives lives after them,
while the good which they do Is seldom spoken
Of with safety 10 a step mother"
Lost or strade from the scriber a sheep all over
white. One leg was black and one half his body.
All persons shall receive Eve dollars to bring. He
was a she goat"
"s lpposing, Charley, you were at a masquerade
ball, would you dance with an unknown lady if
she requested it2' Said Charley, III she is mask.
ed and l am asked why shouldn't IT'
A poetess sings, Tho we're dead, my heart
would beat for thee" This would certainly be a
dead beat and 1t strikes US the poetess assumes
too much poetic license.
molly" said an American Home Ruler, IF We
liver take 1t into your head to poison me, dye
moind, be sure ye give 1t to me In a glass of the
raul Ould stuff. l would like to die nate and com
Portable like"
In little village near Leeds, England, may by
seen the following: "A Day Skool kept at -
Plaise. Terms 2 pens and three pens per week
for reading and knitting and righting and SOW.
ing"
The osservsnt small boy wen to church and
heard the minister repeatedly say In his prayer,
Grant us, o Lord" He reported at home that
the minister had come out strong for General
Grant,
Green street, called out the conductor.
Green's treat, ehH" calculated an inebriated In.
dividual in the corner OF the car; "all right, (hic)
just's lieVe drink of Green (hic) $ any other
man."
ProteSsOr-W What is monarchy FreShman-A
people governed by a king. Professor-Who
would reign If the king should die2 freshman
The queen. PrOfessor-And II the queen should
die2 Fresbmsn-The Jack.