Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-01-23

THE MULE AND THE SMALL BoY.-A
boy, apparently much agitated. rushed in
to house yesterday and said to the
lady:
II don't want ter alarm yer, but I've
got big news. The man sent me up from
the livery stable to tell yer.''
''Good heavens! what is it?''
"Why, you know yer little boy, Aleck,
what the man can't keep outen the livery
stable round the coIner9"
Eyes, well?"
Il told Aleck just now not to 60 inter
the stable among the horses. but he would
not mind me-
ooh, dearl What has happened?'
''He said he wanted ter see what a mule
'ud do when yer tickled it's heels with
straw
ooh, heavens!" gasped the lady, and
chung to the mantel for support
well, yer boy Aleck got a straw, snuck
up behln' sorrel mule, tickled him on the
heels, an"
The lady started for the door.
An the blamed crltter never lifted
hoof," called the boy. Never as much as
switched it's cussed tail. It's nigh,
good thing for Aleck that he didn'; to-:
an 1 thought I'd come up an tell yer
And he lodged out at the side entrance
A PEPPER-BOX PIsToL.-A man wa:
arraigned in Little Rock on a charge of
carrying a revolver.
Haven't you got better sense than to
carry pistol like this p asked the Judge.
holding up pepper-box pistol.
Eyes, sir"
Don't you know that the law says you
shall be fined 1926 ?''
Eyes, sir; but didn't know it was any
harm to carry such pistol"
ssBut it is sir. Any man that would
carry such pistol ought to 60 to the pei.
itentiary for life. Suppose you were to get
into fight, having such pistol. While
you were trying to shoot, the other fellow
would run away. You may 60 this time,
but if ever hear of you carrying such a.
worthless pistol again I'll get up petition
to the Governor and have you hung. NJ
wonder we are slandered at the North
when such tritling men as you are carry
ing pistols that only hurt man by lying
on his stomach and refusing to digest.''
At performance of the eantata of
esther at Dallas. Texas, Ahasuerus was
advised by somebody in the audience not
to 'scut it too fat" The personator of the
great Assyrian went to the footlights and
said: This is religious show, and you Il
have to be decent. I'm Ahasuerus just
now, but after the show Pm Sam Turner:
and if any duffer would like to cut it fat
then I'll give him mighty lively well
Gomez
''Yes,'' he said, as he mixed gin and SUI
gar, s'life is a conundrum. In youth we
believe in much that is false, and in old
age we doubt much that is true. As a
golden medium, young man, you may
charge that drink to me. My name is Au-
gust -" He didn't finish it. The clerk
pensively pitched an ice pick at the spot
where had stood, but he had folded him
self like an umbrella and scooted.
Nothing gives man purer joy in this
world of sorrow than to climb upon pair
of scales after two weeks vacation in the
country, and observe the incredulous ex-
preston on the observers faces as THY
look suspiciously about to see it his pock-
cts are not filled with shot.
AT a late class-meeting anxious inquiry
was made for the B-s, who were twins.
so ra0cn alike that none could tell them
apart. Bill said "Hayen't you heard their
sad fates They went as missionaries and
the cannibals ate them up for philopena
.sDo animals resist temptation ?" asks
sPopular Science" and the editor theo-
rizes on the subject for three hours. in
stead of going out and making practical
experiment by shaking q Fed rag at goat.
Musis hath charms to sooth the savage.
This is why we occasionally see cross
dog with brass band around his neck.
Which is the most wonderful animal ia
the farm-yard? A pig; because it is killed
first and cured afterwards.