New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-10-31
ON GETTING THINGS DONE.
BY CHARLES T. CONGDON.

s;a ,bor b,s shoemaker was tar(ly in bringing home
hi; shoes p)eading in extenuation of the delay that
abe had forgotten them" The Dean invited hlm TO
take turn in the garden. left HIM upon plea
of sudden call locked the gate. and kept the poor
oorow Amer close prisoner for four or five hours.
Then Dr. Jonathan came back in hustle, ana
loudly declared that he had quite forgotten the I'M
natient artisan suppose that there is hardly any
bodv IN New York who. having taken his shoes to
be repaired has found them always ready for nm
at the appointed day and hour Something mas
inevitably happened to prevent the competition OF
the lob Somebody has been sick. Inc Journey
man who was relied upon with touching commence
has got drunk. The promise was Tor Saturday ana
not Friday. Only come on Saturday and all will
be beautiful You accept these excuses as serenely
rs possible and go out upon the sidewalk to
0rowl You do not give the shoemaker piece
and pretty hot one, of your mind. because,
il aggravated. lie might decline TO do the work at
all: and where would you be thenY Besides one
shoe is done, and its fellow is not You submit
with lamb-like resignation. for who can present
himself to his fellow creatures with one shoe OIL
and the other shoe onf In fact. 1t is quite aston
ishng how resigned we become to disappointment
and bOthcration and annoyance. If the tailor is
bchindhand. we take his delinquency as matter of
course We bow with positive humility to
plumbers and though the water may be running
with "a copOusnoss which it is Impossible to check'
or not running at all. which is worse we let linn
take his time because we can do no better We are
asked ont and have ordered new and fashionable
raimcnt to go out in but it doesn't come home at
the time appointed, and we JOIN the festive thronG
in a condition of notifying shabbinesS. having
been taken to the of enjoyment In can
which came late by a cabinan who cheats rs in the
fare When is the howl of the houSckeeper not
heard in the land When does the cook roast, boil,
fry and brOl Gods good gifts into edlblllty
When does the maid sweep rs she should sweep
When is the poStman prompt, and careful enough
to bring YOU your own letters and not the letters
which belong to Your nelghbOrsY when can you
with profound cOmplaccncy feel that all things are
not at SKIES and sevens, and even at tWelveS and
fourteensY Punctuality is lost virtue. Fidelity
has fed from the earth. Doing things, if we may
use the expression. Is done for disappointment
RACES rampa ty weeps profusely in all terrestrial
regions and all human affairs are in middle OF
hopeless prOcrastinatiOn.
1t may have struck the gentle Tor ungentlc)
reader that there is exhibited in this article ten
dency 10 growl. But the imratience thus tar be-
trayed is as nothing to that which will actually
sizzlc and hiss up and down the column now that
We have come to laundrcsses have tenderness
for the SEX but have never been able TO under
stand why it is called the weaker. AS rule, 1t
seems to Inc that without disagreeable resort to
physical violence il has pretty much its own way
especially that portion OF 1t which devotes us
genius and industry to washing In the matter OF
not coming at the appointed time for the clothes
and in the other matter of not bringing them home
when proms ID. it the best possible eXemplar of
Dr. Youngs sagacious remark. that we take no
note Of time" The genus laundress has infinite
varieties. There are those who bring home the
wash late but alas there others who do not
bring it home at all Some specially aggravat-
ing in respect of buttons Others seem possessed by
an insane desire to reduce your whole wardrobe to
fragments; this is apparently ignorant of the
stifenng qualities OF starch the other knows it so
well that she returns everything III n sheet-lrOn
state All agree. however. in general incapacity to
deliver things in pairs The divorce between cuffs
and stockings Is perpetual The grammatical ecu
cation of the lanndrcss has been negected-she
knows nothing of nouns OF multitude. She cannot
see the absuIdity, the frghtfu incoheIence, so to
speak of one stOcknc-tho eternal unftncss OF
having one foot unclOthed. Clearly she should wash
only for men amputated after battle. and gong
about on one leg for armed men needing only
one cuff. The hand-organ grinders OF the mil ltary
veteran the patrons for her.
And yet il she not generous in her way, and with
sense Of equity under her broad bosomf Ii she docs
not always bring back your property, with |
what noble disnterestedncss does she bring you |
the property Of other people! Man as am, and |
without any pretence OF being above the usual emo
tons how can | express the agitation which las |
filed my soul. at discovering divers feminine gar
ments carefully packed in my own bundlo!-
ornamental habilaments beaced and embroidered!
luxurious skirts which | don't wear, and |
shOuld net know how TO put on, marked |
Helen or Mary" or with some other name soft |
and winning was there u bit of Greek des-
tiny in it Did the Fates take this method OF
bringing two hearts to beat as onef Twas much
nicer than the reception which has happened to me
of Smiths handkcrchiefs or Jones's collars these
being usually in the tertiary stage of wearing the
former with many holes i'll them ana the latter
fearfully frayed ana always two sizes too small
for me- had no wish to be let into the economical
secrets of Joness wardrobe-what to me was the
condition of Smiths underwear fearful as some
times found it to bef There are things which
should be hushed up in ones own house So Jones
and Smith doubtless thought, for a day or two
after the laundrcss would appear evidently in
condition of having been sworn at freely and would
reclaim the alien toggeTy, and pathcticaHy tell you
that the congomcratOn occaSiOned by
her own Illness or by the death of her
mothcr-inlaw or by the rainy weather. There was
always reason why this " should be thus an
explanation of the thi, -thusness' which would
have satisfied Artemus Ward. | hope that the
excuse satisfied Smith and Jones-I am that it
never did me.
Mortality and misery Of all sorts appear be
normal in tine home OF the aunlrcss. | do not re-
member ever to have had one without SICK child,
or husband greatly given 20 beer or a landl ord
of the oppressive and cccting variety. Sometimes
the phenomenon of rain in the vicinity OF the aun-
drcsss home has been reported when III every other
part OF the city il has been unusually bright and
drying weather. Sometimes the poor woman has
been beaten sable and cerulean by the bacchana-
liam husband aforesaid, and made quite incapable of
bringing home the things which were all ready.
One report. peculiarly melancholy occurs to
me: a brute Of a husband had actually flung a