St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1880-08-28
The Dark Horse.
fSan Francisco Bulletin. |

lSan Francisco Bullctin.l
Probably the meanest piece Of cold
blooded deception ever practised on a
woman occurred out in Western Addi-
ton the other day. 1t seems that the
belle of that important suburb of our
municipality is a Miss Susan Smiifey,
and whom a vigorous rumOr, kept III
circulation by her less favored sister
hood, credited with being a desperate
little tlirt-in fact, what Billy Rice, the
minstrel, used to call Il "false-hearted
crokay" At all events her affections
were of sufficiently indefinite u quality
to cause her two most favored visitors
to look upon each other with the most
vindictive feelings common to hated ii
spcctivcly n City Hall clerk, with eye
glasses and frecllles, named Plit1, and a
red-headed dry goods manipulation call
ed Diggs-occupied the intervals de-
voted to glO0mily sitting each other out
three evenings Il week to fruitless at
tempts to discover which OF the two was
really the coming man in the matrim0-
nial race, so to speak.
Last Thursday morning Miss Smitfey,
in response to q business-like ring, ad
mtteu middle-aged party with black
beard, and wearing blue goggles and Il
long tailed ulster.
Il am taking the census, num- he
said, opening a flat book on the piano,
and getting out some blanks, "iust look
sharp, please, and answer the necessary
questions"
Miss Smitfey trembled little, as wo-
men always do for some reason when
talking to a government official, and
said she'd try.
.Lem'me see-your names Smiley, |
bellevc-tirst name!7
''Susan.7
"AIiddle name ~
Haven't any, slr.'
Come now, young woman, no prevari-
cation. Are you sure you haven't got Il
middle name somewhere, and are trying
to conceal it
"No, sir; indeed | haven't,' said the
lady, turning pale. 81 wouldn't deceive
YOU"
you'd better not, mum. The penal
ty is twenty five years at hard labor, OF
both.'
"Gracious me.'
"Fact, mum. Now, then, let's see
what's next. All! yes-how often mar
riedo''
"Not once yet"
",Ahum! Going to, suppose )? Been
asked, ell o.
"Oh! yes, sir; several times''
"Call it six times" said the census
man, making an entry. "What's next
All. yes-is your back hair false ~
"M-n-must answer that?'
"Of course you must. Don't trihe
with the United States government
mum. Come now
"Well, it's sorter-that is, kinder
"That'll do; We'll call it mixed. Teetl
sound ;"
"Yes, SIR with much emphasis.
Don't get excited. Let's see-I'll pu1
your age down at twenty-five. The
United States never allows us to take j.;
woman's age on oath. They will lie
can't help it, ! guess"
"rm Just eighteen, And | don't care
whether the government likes it OF not,
said the citizeness, snappishly.
"of course, OF course; they all sa,
that. Pay attention, please. What siz'
corset ~
"Eh?'
"Must answer, mum. Remember th,
neEaltIY,. How many inches around TIN
waist :"
"Weli, if you must know, sixteen. Bu
l think it's just shame-'
No remarks, if you please. Ahem
Wen call it nineteen. They general,
throw off about three inches, find. Siz
of shoe %
"TwO-hut can wear one and a."
"i'll return you as q No. 4. That
about what a 'threer' always says. An,
beauX p
"W W-w-wh- at q'
81 say, say beauxe And be very care
fui about your answer, mum. The Wash
lugtOn authorities are very particula
on this point. Has everything to d
with the next census, you see. Nov
how many sweethearts %
"Well-of course-there are some gel
tlemen coming here-and-"
"Of course there are; I've got 20
down in the Good .ooks' space as "A. Z
I. T. handsome. So, of course, you hav
plenty of admirers. All the governmel
requires, however, is the principal one
"Well," said the young lady, some
what Modified, there's Jimmy PAii
and Tom Digss, and"
Hold up right there Which Of lei
do you intend to marry 2" said the en-,
t morator of population earnestly.
! "Oh, neither of them. There's -ahen
: cthere's I'll a splen,ciai gentleman name
9 scudberry7.Charlie sscudberry-perhal
You know hi!::.i { He has big brown ey'
] and Eseautiful curly hair, and"
! "Ana do these-these other gentlemt
Q -Plitf and Diggs-know of the exis
Il ence Of this-this fellow, Scudberry 2"
! "0h, no! Pm too smart for that!
just tag them along to buy ice: cream al
n caramels, and take me to the theatr
e It's the biggest fun! Charles knows {
Q about it, you see, and he calls himse
a he-the-oh, yes the dark horse!n
Il ooh, .he does, does he9' roared Il
:, census man, jerking off his wig and go
q giles and revealing the enraged featul
Il of Mr.. Thomas Diggs: s'I wish him j
+, of his bargain, and I'll give him just S
= months to get a divorce from the nc
<; two faced little cat on the Pacific coas
d And as Susan contided to Scudberr,
n left lapel that evening, she had nev
:, felt so utterly tdo-you call Lit in t
r whole course of her darling existence
Is GARFIELD AND HANCOCK.-At w;