Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-12-18
ODDS AND ENDS.

An Irishman tells of woman who was
so cross-eyed that she put her spectacles
ON the back of her head.
a green correspondent wants to know if
policemen are Protectionists.- Philadel-
phia Herald.
An Illuminated red nose is not safe
guide for a man in a dark night. 1t leads
directly to bar-room.
& little girl who was much petted said
IS 1 like sitting on gentlemen's knees bet
Ter than on ladies' don't you, ma ~
EBoston Globe.
s'The Story of an Honest Man is the
sitle of Edmund About's latest work. Is
1t necessary to add that it is work of fic-
ton ?-[ Boston Post.
A country doctor, being asked what was
Ehe best way to cure ham, remarked be-
fore answering that question he should
want to know what allied the ham.
A London bookseller who tried to imi-
late Dr. Tanner lived five weeks on filtered
water, and then clicked the bucket. y
minneapolis Spectator.
At the Social Science Congress in Edin-
burgh, Mrs. Duncan McLaren protested
against the custody of children being con-
sidered as minor matter. Pray, what is
1t, then p Albany Law Journal.
Little Georgy lat the hotel tablet
want cake l want c.a-k.e?" Nurse
t'Hush You've had four or five already !"
Little Georgy-' 1 don't care. Them ain
the ones I want. 1 want fresh one p
a little girl begging for more sugar in her
tea was told that she had had several
Jumps already. whereupon she pitifully
said, Yes, mamma, but you see they melt
away so !"
The dey after the fair must be when the
ruler of Morocco is ogling pretty
woman. = Buffalo Sunday News. He must
be harem scare 'em sort OF a fellow. He
should be bound in Morocco to keep the
peace. Yawcob Strauss.
The Galveston Neacs thinks it is hard to
satisfy some people. The Huntsville Item
having said that among the convicts in the
penitentiary all the trades and professions
are represented Except the printers, " the
Palestine AdU0cdte exclaims That's al
ways the way; the printers never get JUS
tice done them"
The Russian Crown Prince, under what
ever title he may assume tine active gov
eminent OF his imperial heritage, co-regent
or other, is generally expected to come for
ward as radical reformer at home, and a
rigorous supporter of the Panslavistic
programme abroad His antipathy to all
German men and things is no less noto-
rious than his sympathies with the attrac-
tive qualities of the French nation.
a Galveston family has colored servant
that, while attentive to her duties, has
never been known to give anybody civil
answer. Purely as an experiment, the
lady of the house bought her new calico
dress, and gave 1t to her saying 81 am
glad TO have the pleasure, Matildy, of Civ
ing YOU this dress" g Yer mout hab had
dat pleasure long ago eff yer had had any
regard feah my feelings" was the gracious
response.
a negro family on Galveston avenue are
everlastingly quarreling and disturbing the
neighbors A gentleman living close by
met the wife and said to her :. You are
always kicking up row. Why is there
no harmony in your house ?" ''Dat's jess
what was telling de lazy, wuffless niggah
Oar amt no harmony in de house, and nc
meat, and de bacnn's all eat up, and de
meal barr'I is empty. He is de only thing
In de house watts full all de time.
Some Galveston boys were impressed by
reading of the martyrdom of saints at the
stake, and they decided to burn pet dog
in the same manner The leader in the
movement had theory that the poor
brute's sufferings would result in immortal
Joys, and SO be good thing for it. a post
was driven into the ground, the dog chained
fast, and a roaring fire built The boys
sang hymns while their victim was roasting
TO death.
He stood twirling bis Eat in his hand il
the hallway. 1t was about time for the
morning stars to begin their song together.
Is Well, and he moved one step nearer
the door. We'll, she replied, as she
stepped to the door also. "Well, IL
must be going. If" "That's right,
John, if, and she leaned her head on his
shoulder. -you-haye-an y-conun.
ss1rums--to-ask- ask-them-now He
sgras measured for new hat and pair G!
cid gloves o. that same day.