, 1880-05-17
Wit and HunlOr.

Chronicle, Queen Victoria Is only
gOverness.
"Papa," said his little girl, aged six
years and nine months, to him one
day. =" why do you say step-daughter
Ia it because she has been trodden up
on?"
1t is very difficult to find fault with a
dear little three-year-old who buries
his head under the clothes and sings:
Now 1 lay me down to sleep. Pop
goes the weasel"
The New Haven Register says that
girls only know one-quarter as much
about courting as boys, because they
have only one year in four in which
they are allowed to practice.
The report that Barnum has captured
q Boston girl who does not wear eye
glasses has been officially contradicted.
He has, however, discovered one who
cannot talk Latin but can make
bread.
The Rochester Herald speaks of the
horribly-mutilated trunk of man
picked up on the Central railroad. The
Elmira Free Press adds: Those bag
gage smashers continue to have their
own way.
A lady said to little boy,-aged
four" Don't stand up in the carriage,
because you might tumble out, and
then there would be no Harry" "Oh,
yes" replied he, there would be Har-
ry on the road"
Laurence: You going out to-day,
D,
going too p Ma: eyes" Laurence:
/" You take me 2" Ma: "No." Laur-
ence with emphasis): "Then I'll
smash all the things p
ATA BALL.-Two nice elderly young
things talking of pretty Mrs. Mankiller
wal;zing with the captain: How
dreadfully her dress is made y "That
can't be helped. If it were well made
it would not tit her. > Judy.
A MIGHT PRoBLEM.-Algernon-
il" Might l then dare to hope, Mary
You see, there might be war, and
might go into the militia, and then l
might get q commission in the Line.
(After pause.) Might p Fun.
A FRIENDLY HINT.-Willum: " Not
quite so active as you wus twenty years
ago, Tummas." Tummas: "No l baint,
Willum; l find l carn't run up score
lately, but if onybedy askes me to ave a
drink, jumps at the hotter. Il Fun.
Little Charley had his hair ''bobbed"
the other day, but did not like the op-
Grafton of brushing. Ma, that bar
ber's brush made me squawk." Mother
-'' did not hear any noise.' Char
ley But squawked in my thinks. y
A man who had S65 stolen from him
received a note with S25 saying: Il
stoled your money. Remorse naws at
my conshens, and I send some of it
back. When remorse naws again I'll
send you some more Buffalo Ex-
press.
OUR GIRLS Grandma with whom
the girls have had slight differ 9nce of
opinion): I'm sure, girls, l don't
know where you get your nasty temper
from" Nellie: Certainly not frsn
you, grandma, for you have never lost
any Fun Almanac.
"When I was boy" said very
prosy, longwinded orator to his friend,
d" 1 used to talk in my sleep" And
now," said his friend, you sleep in
your talk" But somehow that didn't
seem to be just exactly the point the or
ator was going to make.
SUPPORT Vicar -" Sorry I never
see you at church, Squire. AS lead
ing man in tine parish, you should be
one of the pillars" Squire. Well,
at all events, if I'm not pillar, I'm
one O the buttressess--always to be
found outside, You know !"-[ Punch.
A teacher IN the Wiltwyck school re-
Gently electrified her pupils, who were
annoying her with questions: !" Chill
dren, am engaged Noticing the
general look of astonishment, she add
ed: 3" But not to any fool OF a man, y
and the excitement died away Kings
ton Freeman.
"Well, Harry, how did you like the
preserved cherries ?" Harry ION his
fifth birthday he had preserved crystal.
iized fruits for the first time): "Oh,
auntie l liked them so much that if
could have made a hole in my throat
I'd have taken them out and eaten them
over again.
An OLD NEsT-oR.-Giles: "Ah
Master William, its dangerous work
When l was your age climbed a tree
bird-nesting, and branch broke, and
fell on the bank" Willy: "Well
Giles, where would You have seen il
the bank had broke too? Uncle's did.
/ Fun Almanac.
A paragrapher attended the funeral
of man named Murch, the other day
and as the body was being laid away to
its last resting place, the ruling passion
proved strong in death-or near death
and the paragrapher put his twenty
cent handkerchief to his eyes, and