, 1880-02-09
Wit and HumOr.

What is allspice "A woman's tongue
when her husband says he has no
money.
"There, now" cried a little girl
while she was rummaging drawer in q
bureau. Grandpa has gone to heaven
without his spectacles."
After the declaration-" This is, per-
haps, not the first m;tten you have
received, Mr.. Brown" But perhaps
the first you have ever given, Miss
Smith,
"Mr. Smithers, how can you sleep?
The sun has been up these two hours"
swell, what if it has?" said Smithers.
He goes to bed at dark, while I'm up
till after midnight"
"Who," said member of the Cana
dian House of Commons, to the mem
bers who were trying by Interruptions
to choke him off, who brayed here ?"
Z" 1t was an echo" retorted member,
amid yell of delight.
Correspondent =" VIII the editor
please inform me where my family can
go on Sundays aud be cool and COM
Portable, without danger of being
CfOWucu AuS HoI-0O W CuuICu.-
Rochester Democrat.
"Kurrah Hurrah - cried young
lawyer who succeeded to his fathers
practice. I've settled that old lawsuit
at last" "Settled it y exclaimed the
astonished parent, Why we've sup
ported the family on that for the last
ten years.
mo, thank you; I never waltz; ma
says if any of the young men want to
hug me they mus. do it on the sly; she
won't have them mussing my dress up,
and leaving tinger-marks on my white
waist, SO long as she does the washing
and has to support me"
Nellie has four year old sister Mary,
who complained to her mamma that her
"button shoes" were "hurting."
"Why, Matte, you've put them on the
wrong feet" Puzzled and ready to
cry she made answer: Whatll I
do, mamma? They are all the feet I've
got!"
With the close of the holidays the
casual Sundayschooi boy has severed
his connection with the church and re-
sumed his occupation of breaking win
dows, stoning dogs and yelling at
strangers until it is time to get in train
ing for the picnics. - Burlington
Hawkeye.
At recent Sunday school concert
the Superintendent was talking about
idols, when to ascertain whether the
children were understanding what he
was saying, he asked: ' Children, what
is an idol % Being lazy" was the
loud and quick response of one of the
members of the juvenile class.
We don't know whether it is old or
not, but we heard lady ask a friend
in street car the other day: " Annie,
is it proper to say this ERE, that ere ?"
Why, Kate, of course not" was the
reply. "Well," said Kate, 81 don't
know whether it is proper Or not, but 1
feel cold in this ear from that air." The
conductor tainted Phila. Item.
Jonathan and Paddy were riding to-
gether one day, when they came in
sight of an old gallows. This sug-
gested to the American the idea of be-
ing witty at the expense of his Irish
companion. You see that, I calcu-
late," said he, land now where would
you be if the gallows had its due ?"
Riding alone, cooliy replied Paddy.
Brignoli says: "Ten years ago I
could not seeing. Ze critic ne say so,
and re critic is right. 1 was much as
pirated, but now I travel all re day,
get no sleep re night, and I seeng one
hour and I don't feel it. 1 love ze
Engleesh song. I seeng him better
zan before. l could seeng ze Engleesh
song all re night" - Paris Core
spondent.
4 Bridget, evidently new to the mys-
teries OF marketing, seeing a pet owl
in front of a poulterer's stand in Wash
ington Market yesterday. said to its
owner, "What wad ye be askin' for
that broad-faced goose ''Goose
that's an owl" was the contemptuous
reply. "Owld it is, you're sayin'
Shure it's meself that can bile the bird
till it's tinder p
Did you attend church to-day, as I
charged you?" inquired an old Afri can
planter, in the old time, of one of his
slaves, as he returned to his dwellil e.
Sartin' massa," was Cudjo's reply;
'' an what two mighty big stories dat
preacher did tell |" "Hush Cudjo,
you mustn't talk that way; what stories
were they?" Why he tell de people
no man can sarve two massas-now dis
is de fust story, case you see old Guido
sarves you, my old massa, and also
young massa John. Den de preacher
says, he will lub one and hate oder,
while de Lord knows hate you boff r
It is related that M. Arago, in order
to test the clearness of his lectures,
made it rule to fix his eyes on the
dullest-looking scholar he had. If he |
saw that he WAS understood. he knew |