Louisiana capitolian., 1880-04-10
THE MINISTER'S GRIEVANCES.

"Brethren," said the aged minister,
as he stood up before the church meet
ing. "I'm afraid we will have to part.
l have labOred among you now for fif-
teen years, and feel that that is al
most enough, under the peculiar cir
cumstances in which l am placed. Not
that I'm exactly dissatisfied; but
clergyman who has been preaching to
to sinners for fifteen years for five
hundred dollars year naturally feels
that he is not doing great work when
Deacon Jones, acting rs an officer Of
the church, pays his last quarters sal.
ary in q pron,issory note at six months
and then, acting as an individual, Of
fers to discount it for him at ten per
cent If be will take it part out in clo-
yer seed and pumpkins.
feel somehow AZ ifit would take
about eighty-four years Of severe
preaching to prepare the deacon for
existence in u felicitous hereafter. Let
me say also, that while am deeply
grateful to the congregation for the
donation party they gave me on Christ
mas, | have calculated that it would
be far more profitable for me to shut
my house and take to the woods than
endure another one. will not refer
to the impulsive generosity which per-
suaded Sister Potter to come with q
present Of eight clothespins; l will not
iusinuate anything against Brother
Ferguson, who brought with him .
quarter Of u peck Of dried apples Of
the crop of 1872; ! shall not allude to
the Mnevolence Of Sister Tynhirst,
who came with 4 pen wiper and tin
horse for the baby; I shall refrain from
commenting upon the impression made
by Brother Hill, who brought four
phosplorescent mackerel, possibly
with an idea that they might be use
full in dissipating the gloom in my
cellar.
omit reference to Deacon Jones
present Of an elbow Of stovepipe and
4 bundle Of toothpicks, and admit
that when Sister Peabody brought me
sweetened sausage meat, and salted
and pcppcred mince meat for pies,
she did right by not forcing her own
family tn suffer from her mistake in
mixing the material. But do think
may fairly remark respecting the
case Of Sister Walsiugham, that after
careful thought am unable to per-
ceive how she considered that pres
ent of a box Of lairpins to my wife
justified her in consuming half u
pumpkin pie, six butterel mullins, two
platefulls Of oysters, aud a large vari-
ETY. Of miscellaneous food, previous to
jamming herself full Of preserves, and
proceeding tn the parlor to join in
singing "There is rest for the weary"
Such q destruction Of the necessaries
of life doubtless contributes admira-
bly, to the stimulation Of commerce,
but it is far too large q commercial
operation to rest solely upon the basis
of u ten-cent box Of hairpins.
As for matters in the church, do
not care to discuss them at length. I
might say much about the manner in
which the congregation were asked tn
contribute clothing to our mission in
Senegambia; we received nothing but
four neckties and q brass breastpiD,
except a secondhand carriage whip
that Deacon Jones gave Us. might
allude to the absent mindedness which
has permitted Brother Brown twice
lately to put half dollar on the COL
lection plate and take off two quarters
and ten.cent piece in change; and I
might dwell upon the circumstance
that while Brother Toombs, the under
t..ker, sings ~ would not live Away"
with professional enthusiasm that is
partlonable, l do not see why he
should throw such JUNCTION into the
hymn, II am unworthy, though I give
my all," when he is in arrears for two
years. pew rent, and is always bnsy
examining the carpet pattern wl,el,
the plate goes around. I also"
But here Brother TOOmbs suddenly
turned off tho gas, and the meeting
adjourned, full OF Indignation at the
good pastor. His resignation was
unanimously accepted.
The following from the Omaha
Republican is neat specimen Of the
sort Of stuff the wild untamed
Western Republican editor gives his
readers: "The Democrats are just
now engaged in denOuDcing the