davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
Tighten Up Your Suspenders And
Answer Like A Whitehead.

We now propose TO submit several
c"ngreve pointed questions to the hero
ic, know-it-all editor Of the Louisville
Commercial:
Was it not at the suggestion Of the
Republican party,and through its effort
that the Ark was built and the exist
cnce of the human race preserved?
Was not Mr. Noah one the founders
of the present Republican party, and
wasn't he some sort Of kin to Garfield.
Were not the Egyptian pyramids
erected by the mighty efforts OF the Re-
publican party?
When was putty invented, and was
not the inventor member Of the Re-
publican party?
J Werc not the nails and spikes with
which the ark was put together manu-
factured by some Republican firm at
pittsburg?
Wasn't Nimrod, who attempted to
80 to heaven by way Of the tower Of
Babel, also member of the present
Republican party? aY
Has Logan got over his nervous
ness yet? +"
Didn't Garfield get that 5000 from
the Dc Golyer pavement contractors,
in payment for putting million dol
dial appropriation through Congress?
The Republican party of Masschu-
setts was responsible for the introduc,
tion of human slavery into the United
States; wasn't it?
What about GARFIELD and the salary
grao? I'd, e
Wasn'tthe Credit Mobilier invented
by the Republican party. and didn't
Garfield get the full benefit Of the in
vention?
Does it ever rain without the con-
cent Of the Republican party?
Wasn't every soldier and officer in
the Union army a Republican, and
didn't the Republican sdo all the fight
ing?
And didn't Garfield resign his
place as brave staff afflcer, while the
war was going ON, to go to Congress
to fight Tor the DE Golyer pavement
and the Credit Mobilier?
And Didn't Arthur have to get out
ofhis position Of Collector Of the port
because Mr.. Hayes insisted that he
wanted the affairs Of that office con-
Quoted honestly?
What's Conkling going to Europe
for?
Was Hancock in the army at all and
isn't he a Republican, too? "
What office does the Commercial
man want il Garfield is elected?
At what price will the Republican
party permit wheat to be sold this
year?
On what day does the Republican
party propose to send the first lrost
next TALL!
Ii Mr.. Wise had remained at home
would he have been lost in that bal
loon? dL THg
DO you really believe that anybody
is being kukluxed, intimidated, bam-
boozlcd or bulldozed in Kentucky?
What is the state Of your nervous
system and is your appetite good?
The foregoing questions are equally
as important and have as much real
bearing on the Presidential campaign
as the long string of damphool ques-
tions propoundcd by the Commercial,
and the whole country expects pare
gorical answer. -Paducah News.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
Philosophy Not Pistols.


An evidence of the above, says a
Philadelphia paper, think of young
MIR. NJ, Of this city, who had loved to
desperation all suhnmcr,a pretty Chest
nut street girl; think of the many lines
of love.burdene,l lore he poured into
her willing ear; think of the theatre
tickets he has invested in; think of
the buggy rides, the flowers, the pho.
tographs, the ice-cream treats, the
rings, the lockets etc., dd mfnitum,
that had been hers at his costs! and
then mediate upon his disappointment
when, few days since, the lair crea-
ture informed him in sublimely in
nocent manner that her wedding would
shortly take place with Mr.. S., of Ka-
lamazoo. Did young Mr.. NJ. drown
himself? Did he snap a pistol at his
lacerated heart? Did he take lauda-
nun, arsenic or lock himself up with
a charcoal furnace? No! But he act
ell like a philosopher. He referred to
his diary. He procured two sheets OF
commercial paper. He made out an
itelnized account Of the money he lad
spent upon the gal who flung him."
aud sent it to the old man. The
yonng lady pronounced it all 20. K,,"
and Young Mr.. NJ. received check for
the amount($s0.32 upon u prominent
bank, upon which he obtained the
money, and is now bitterly happy.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
SINKING FORK.


Celebration is over and quiet Is
once more supreme IN the lond. We
are glad that so many who pred icted
our celebration would be failure
we're disappointed. Rev. J. e. Porter,
Judge Joe McCarroll, Rev. j. U.
Spurlin, Miss Fannie Torian, Miss
Lucy Everett, Taylor Boyd and
Stephen Everett, were the speakers
oil the occasion. From the many ell
comiums passed upon the addresses
he young ladies and gentlemen who
represented Sinking Fork Sunday
rchool we can safely say they did
Sedit TO themselves aud tho coinmu-
criy. The address Of II. Taylor Boyd
was especially praiseworthy, and VIC
predict for him II career OF oratory
riyaling q Cicero, should no only ap-
ply the talents he possesses. Miss
Fannie Torian also deserves special
mention for the noble bearing and
sweetness with which she presented
her piece. Miss Lucy aud Stephen
Everetl's addresses were also good
and well delivered. A large crowd
was present and all passed of peace
ably and with decorum due the oc-
casion. The singing, conducted by
RPM. Hurt, was pronounced excel.
lent; while the dinner, under the
management Of the committee and
ladies OF the community, was abun-
dant and delicious.
For tllo satisfaction Of "Sclim,"
"Rosa Lee" aud others, we inform
them we never expect to graduated p
during this life; nor do we look for
unalloyed felicity or freedom from
the shafts OF f.aluniny and slander till
the "last enemy" shsll have been con.
qucred and mortality shall shake oil
the CALLING chains that fetter it and
purified through. tho woes OF earth
rise spotless and bright to bask in
ethereal day.
Another "may.be" Ia enrolled
among the honorcd chroniclers from
this section, Miss Rosa lee. Me-
thinks | can see the bright sparkle
from her lazlc eye, and the auburn
locks In Glowing trcsses fall" while
each feature mantles smile Of artful
coquetry, and her heaving bosom as
II gently vibrales sends forth with
each throb of the "iCuntain of life" an
arrow that never falls short of Staying
lis victim We fell at her feet. aud
oil l!how we envy ID. c. his many
glorious promenades "snake hunt
ing" y while he whispers airy uoth-
ings into her willing but trcachcrous
ear. ID. C's case Is improving now.
We give 1t up "Jonaii," bu, like 'dear
hunting" rest ourselves and will take
the ride another day. Fs
Died On the 9Th inst, Jacob Trox-
dale. Mr. Troxdale was al old and
valued citizen nf this community, aud
his life has hded on ear!Ii, we hope
to dawn in eternity. Ills remains
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
GIVEN away.
List of Premiums to be Dis
tributed to our Subscrib-
ers at our 2nd. Annual
Distribution.

Encouraged by the success ofa sim
liar undertaking last year, we have de-
termined to distribute a number OF
valuable premiums among our sub
scribers next fall. Every CASH sub
scriber will get a ticket in the distri-
button and have an equal chance at
the premiums. s
Those who have already paid for
the paper can get tickets by showing
receipts.
We have selected the premiums
with care and offer nearly three times
as many as we did last year. AS
will be seen from the list below there
are thirty prizes, ranging from eighty
dollars down.
l. A No. ] Two-horse
Wagon, made by NJ. 9. Forbes $50.
2. A Mol Whites Sewing
Machine. !. ........,...... j. $50.
8. An elegant Silver Tea-set
of six pieces from j NJ. Howe, $50.
4. One gents Saddle, made
by j. A. B. johnson. 500.
5. A genuine 3 or. Silver y
Watch, Waltham movement,
from Jas. L. Wahl. =, $40.
G. South Bend Chilled Plow
from Winfree & Hart. -. Sl5.
I. Oliver Chilled Plow,
from G.. G. Shanklin.. ,...... Sl3.
8. Improved Dexter Corn
shelter, from NJ Gregory Il Bro. sl2.
8. Silver Butter Dish, from d.
Robert Mills. Jr. $40.
10. Solid IS karat Gold
Ring, from Jas. L. Wahl. ). $40.
IL. Extra Large Farm Bell, 81
from Winfree Il Hart. ....,. $40.
~. Double Plow, manufac-
tured by Moore & Eimunds.. 80.
13. Silver Cake basket, from
Robert Mills, Jr. So.
IA. Set Of Table Spoons,
from j. NJ, Howe, ......... 50.
10. Gold Pen and Holder,
from j. N. Howe. .....A...a s..
16. Carving Knife and Fork, s.
from G, A. Thompson, ...... s..
II. Tin Chamber Set, three 9 y
pieces, from G. A. Thompson. s..
1S. Walnut Baby Cradle, 4
from A w. Pyle. .......- S5.
10. Fine Riding Birdie. ...l s..
20. Box best sc Cigars, from
j. w. Lander. S5
81. Silver Goblet. 81.
%. Silver Goblet. =. 81.
%. Nickle Plated Clock. 80. SO.
"a. Good Riding Bride. -. So.
25. Good Riding Bridle.. ..f SO.
26. Gold Front Sleeve But
tons. ;. ~. 50.
~. Weekly Courier-Journal
one year. ..... So.
2S. Weekly Courier Journal
one year. w.
20. South Ken.uckian one
year. ~. :. So. SO.
80. South Kentuckian one
81. Farmers Home Journal
one year. -, $3.50.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
PEE DEE.

1t has been long time since | wrote
my last, and as Boston hes also been
silent, Pee Dec has not been represent
cd in you column. q
Next Wednesday there will be a
Hancock and English flag, raised at
this place. l5i
Mr.. Marques is. mixing around
vconsiderably--hc wants to serve his
country as justice Of the peace. He
is a nice man and will carry Pee Dee
nearly solid, as ] uhdsrstand.
The whisky men are looking out
now, as the big Court comes off in Au-
gust.
Mr. Editor can you come down tc
the flag raising? we would like to have
you and Hon. James A. McKinzic
with us that day and we will have .
jolly time. Ill was a man, | could
enjoy the occasion but as my sex fol
bids ! must be content to look on and
say with the many, Hurrah! for Han
cock and English.
We wanted to get up picnic buI
cannot diI SO vt this time.
Gentlemen it is a good time. L
marry as Mr.. Averitt is selling twenty
yards Of calico for dollar and | un
derstand he say g he had just as sooI
give twenty-five as not, but a ba'
time tosay, yes young ladies ashe i
also selling three drinks Tor a dime
Della.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
A bear rarely exceeds twenty years;

A bear rarely exceeds twenty years;
dog lives twenty years; q fox four
teen or sixteen; lions are long-Iived--
Pompcy'S lived to the age Of seventy.
The average age Of cats is Fifteen years;
"A squirrel and hare seven or eight
years, rabbits seven Elephants have
been known to live to the great age Of
500 years. Pigs live to the age Of
thirty yeals; tho rhinoeeros to twenty.
\ horse has heen known to live to tho
age Of sixty 40, but averages twenty
five to thirty Camsls sometimes
live to the age of 100. Stays arelong.
lived. Sheep seldom exceed the age
Of ten. Cows live about fifteen years.
Cuvicr considers it probable that the
whale sometimes live 1000. The
dolphin and porroisc attain the age of
thirty. An eagle lived at Vienna at
he age Of 1O4 years. Ravens fire.
quently reach the age Of 100.a Swans
have been known.to live 800 years.
A tortoise has been known to live l07.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
A Loosing Joke.

A prominent physician Of Fits
burgh said jokingly to a lady patient
who was complaining Of her continue
ed i'll health, and of his inability to
cure her, 'try Hop Bitters!' Tho
lady took it III earnest and used tho
liitters, from which she obtained
pcrmacnt health. She now laughs at
the doctor for his joke, but he is not
well pleased with it, as it cost him a
good patient.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
Guilty Of Wrong.

\ Some people have fashion Of con-
iusing excellent remedies with the
large mass Of "patent medicines" and
in this they are guilty Of wrong.
There are scme advertised remedies
fully worth all that is asked for them,
and ono at least we know of-Hop
Bitters. The writer has had occas-
ion to use the Bitters in just such a
climate as we have most Of the year
in Bay City, and has always found
them to be first-class and reliable,
doing all that is claimed for ,hcm.--
Tribune.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

2 lie was astrangcr, but he entered
with amair Of confidence and handed
us what he called "joke." We OK
alnined il, aud told him that il con-
tanned neither sense nor point, and
that II was a pure piece OF iliocy.
"Well,h hhc replied, reaching for his
manuscript, "Ihave read your para
graphs for sometime, aud thought
you preferred them that way"
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
CoLuMpus, GA, April IL, 1878.

DIR. G. j. Moifett-Dear Sir-My
wife and myself are satisfied that the
life Of our teething babe was saved by
the use Of your Tccthina ('rcething
Powder), when othef remedies had
failed to relieve him. We have
been delighted with the speedy and
permanent relief given one Of our
children from severe attack Of Cholera
Morbus. Teethina is indispensable to
us. and shonld be kept by all parents
having small children.
Respectfully, etc,
JESSE B. WRIGHT.
Foreman Enqui.er-Sm.
For sale by Gish 4 Garner,
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

Andrew jackson was once making
a stump speech out west, ina small
village. Jnst as he was concluding,
Amos Kendall. wbossat behind him,
whispered, Zip 'em little Latin.
General. They won't be content
without it." jackson instantly
thought upon few phrases he knew.
and in a voice Of thunder wbunsi up
his speecbby exclaiming. "Eipluribus
unum--sin qua non ne plus ultra
lnultum inpravol' The effects was
tremendous, and the shouts could bc
heard for many miles. ,,,...,
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
A Tanner Bill Of Air.

New York, July l3.--Dr. Tanner
Dear Sir. l think you might with
safety re-"gale' yourself with the fol-
lowing bill Of "air::" Sonp, balloon
juice. Entire, zephyr, with caloric
sauce. Roast, whirlwind, u la "sou' =
wester." Dessert, wind pudding, vim
d'eau. Yours truly. Luke Sharf.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

e A Young man named Z. P. Clay.
book-kecper for NJ. L. Meachani &
Co., Momphis, forged the firm name
to b check for 81 1868. got it cashed
at the German National Bank, and abb
seconded. Clay was from Now York
and was considered most exemplary
young gentleman.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27
Father is Getting Well.

My daughters say "lIow much
better father is since he used Hop
Bitters." lie IL getting well after
his long suffering from a disease de-
clared incurable, and we aresoglad
that he used yonr Bitters.---A1lady Of
Rochester, N. Y,
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

In Texas a hcr,ler offered to surren-
der to the Sheriff in case he should be
provided with a square dinner. This
was refused, and in tho fight that took
three men wsre killed, two wounded
and the herler escaped.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

Rev. Barnas Sears, d. d., Ii D.,
CT Staunton, Va, died at Saratoga
Springs July 8, aged II years. He
was manager of the Peabody fund
AMI many years President OF Brown
University. s. .tl otefgl
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

In digging hole to erect a Ham
cock pole at Nadisonvillc, the work
men unearthed the remains ola hicko-
ry pole erected in 1874, to signalizc
the candidacy OF Polk and Dallas.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

Days's Aguc Tonic, not only cures
the chillls but 'unlecks the liver, un-
loads the bowels and prevents a re-
turn Of chilis and never fails.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

Chastine Cox the negro who lnur-
dercd Mrs. Hull. was hulg Friday at
New York. 81 5ai it ilHei
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

A Agsmester calls his fortune Epln-
ribus unum, because it is won of
many. 81. s1'
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

There are enough selfish men to.
accept all the SACRIFICES women can
make. ca1f . a5r
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

A bad little box calls himself Com
pass, because he is boxed SO often.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1880-07-27

1t is more dangerous to tread on a
unicorn than ON any other kind.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1880-05-13
TIE LAST HOUR.

ne long day dies with sunset down the west;
O"eS tne young moon through violet ields
"A fsasr.nce inner than the south winds be.,
"S.1oes from the sea-the time is come for
Iwait. Birds Westward hy through deepen
Q he:ss, Tsie comfort, peace win fnd
For ioi between the LIGHTS, when shadow,
Heart cs,ls to heart across the widening
/, OF bitter thought, chill touch and jarrina
= And Love cries out to take his own again.
Give me the kiss OF peace. so =
doid not your anger after the spent sun.
Loi have wrought with sorrow Al the
With tesr~wet cypress, and with bitter bsv
Bound an my doors. No thread Of song b
Beside ny thought to tighten IL for me.
Rise up, aud with forgiveness set me free.
sor who Sss9s my boast Gift Of ieusthened
And, lest you watch to-morrow's sun ariss
Across my face, new-touched with sudden
And And s1s es mute Us. pa,nos Of %nsns.srinS eyes
9 maye.znins heart Let tLove'sSepentance
Have Levs's reva.d. An life is mixed with
And, o belovedi Deaths angel viii not wait
For summoned feet to haste ON anxious
wnh saick Forgive. forgive, We pass to
An day Rerret has walked and red with ma
And lest tomorrow IL should 60 with thee,
I Give me the kiss Of peace
-Jsltct c. Moysh- tn Mav Scstbnsy.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1880-05-13
The Mission Of Soup.

Know q nation by its soups would
not be q bad test of civilization. The
savage stews one or two messes; the
French make hundred soups. But
even in civilized countries there are
soups aud soups. The old burlesque of
the homeopathic chicken soup-a tub
of water on which the shadow of q
chicken had fallen for three hours
seems only a mild exaggeration when
one sits down to n '.hasty plate" at
some of the too-esthetic tables. 1t
would certainly have strengthened some
that we have seen to have coaxed a
chicken to wade through it.
Now, economical soups are better
than none; but we have been panied to
observe that economical soups generally
have nothing to recommend them ex-
cept their cheapness; and a man with a
good appetite and sound digestion, re-
alizing that his stomach doesn't hold
but three pints-more or less!E be-
grudges the room taken up by a thin
soup. 1t is an imposition on the gas
trio juices to make them hunt around
fter nutriment with a search warrant.
A soup made on purpose, whatever
its ingredients, strikes us as the only
worthy creation of that name. If an
oyster soup, few bivalves, tender and
sweet, don't hurt it. One likes to be
sure of his basis, in matters of belief
on soup as well as on theology. The
flavor is well enough, so far as it goes;
but substance is q desirable element,
likewise.
So with a vegetable soup-best and
most satisfying of all, If rightly made.
The usual mission of soups is to furnish
floating foundation for dinner, but
this sort is substantial enough. for a
whole meal, if supplemented with a
hearty dessert. We haven't the least
idea how the soup is made that puts q
heart so quickly under the ribs Of '.all-
gone-ness," takes the chill from the
body and crossness out of the spirit.
We won't attempt to penetrate the
mystery far enough to learn even which
end to begin at; but the sum of our inn
pressions is that correct vegetable soup
has some vegetables and meat in it
not simply few chunks of potatoes and
turnips, with dash of canned toma-
toes, boiled together in water with a
few bones left from the roast We
never did think much of bone juice,
anyway. 1t is too thin. There is too
much of a muchness about it.
But take good generous piece of
beef, with plenty of meat on the bones
and some marrow in them; select
enough fresh vegetables for the family's
meal, and cut them into uniform small
pieces, SO that they will cook evenly;
then boil them together. AS to varie-
ties, we should think these would an
swer: potatoes, carrots, onions, toma-
toes, turnips, cauliflower, celery, rice
Gf you like it) and some more onions.
Do not drown the vegetables in too
much water-just float them. Serve
with the soup sweet homemade bread
about three days old, cut in thin slices,
or fresh crackers, for those who don't
lean heavily on ..the staff" Pass your
plate two or three times, and say mo
I-thank-you'' to everything else that is
offered you, unless it be favorite des-
sert. Thus shall you lsarn-if you do
not know-the full (and the filling)
capabilities of genuine soup.-Golden
Rule.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1880-05-13

The old uncle couldn't help smiling.
but he felt twinge of pain in his most
fiery toe, and he said: "O-o-hi what q
fool the boy must ber' and this made
the niece feel so badly that she went
up to her room and almost cried.
But the cross old uncle kept thinking
it over, and two or three times he
smiled all by himself when he thought
nobody was looking. He thought 1t
over for weeks, and couldn't help mag
ining little Dave sitting and smiling be-
cause somebody else was having fun
with the things he couldn't use. He
thought maybe thai was the way to get
the most pleasure out of ones posses
sions. He had mind to try it-yes,
he would. So he called the niece in
again and he said, .Now tell me. all
over, the story about the silly boy that
gave away his trousers" So the
niece told it all over and the uncle
smiled again. When she had finished
he said: .-.-..
srve a great mind to try it."
"What, unclep"
"Don't bother me with questions.
o, oh, my foot, o, ooh--my eyes.
Don't sit there like q statue; get pen,
and paper, and ink. I'll try it. Get the
paper quick"
So the niece, very much surprised,
brought the paper, and The uncle said,
"Now write," and she wrote, he die
tating, as follows: 9l-i =f
To MEssRs. So AND SO, Bankers:
GENrLENEN-As have plenty of money.
and can't enjoy It because I've no health, and
have health enough but can't enjoy It because
they have no money, authorize you to DIS
tribute the sum Of 100000 among such insti
hall
according to her discretion, and hope thereby
TO get a lfttle comfort iu seeing others use the
money that can't use myself
And then he signed it; the niece's
eyes were as big as some saucers, and
the millionaire said, al suppose you
think I'm q fool-everybody will-but
If that boy gets some comfort out OF
his gift why shouldn't l out of minep''
The money was given, and then came
expressions of gratitude in many forms.
Reports of charities, where his money
had been blest; poor women and men
coming to thank him for his bounty: he
found It made him forget his pains. He
became more tractable; he made an
effort and got out to see a cornerstone
laid for Children's Home, to build
which he had furnished the money.
The exercise did him good. He tried
going out again. He became interested
in ever so many poor families, and his
health grew better. He even went to
see Dave, and they laughed together, and
chatted together like children; and
when the philanthropist, that's what
people call him now, went away. he
said,
IF it hadn't been for those
trousers of yours shouldn't have been
anything to-day but poor, miserable
old millionaire"
And so Dave knew that, after all, in
Gods own way he had done some good;
and the good isn't all out of the story
yet. DGUe is getting sceH His father
says there is new doctor who has
| discovered some new method of treat
ment and that the paralysis in Dawes
legs is yielding, and strength coming
back, and, .'God willing. my boy viii
be sound and well again in a year.
Wim. N. Il. Round, in Christidn Union.