The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1880-02-25
The Washers Last Mash.

Down the Baltimore and Ohio toward
Newark, Ohio. we fly. We fly close to
;he ground but all the same it is flying:
"Here comes the masher," the fat
messenger said, "How much he travels
this winter. His coat is dark. his
trousers are light, his collar is high and
his manly throat is barred to the
breeze"
"With q lump in il like the goitre on
an old oak tree" said the cross passen.
ger. "and his hair and his name in gilt
letters on his little Russia leather
valise is parted in the middle; his eye
| glass is fauItless and his front hair is
! banged" -.
"And there is Il general indication OF
! something lacking in the upper story
said the tall thin passenger, ms mead
slopes from the bump OF selt-esteem
down to his nose forward. and runs
straight down to his neck aft. he IS
| not brilliant, he is not useful, he IS not
intelligent. he is lacking"
"There is q hole in his skinner, evil
IDENTIFY" said the man on the wood
box.
"Pale saffron is his neck-scarf, and
! brightly theron CLEANS the tWenty-cent
| diamond of Alaska" remarked the sad
passenger; "meager is he as to his in
t~ellect. but fertile are his whiskers; fas-
cinating beyond the song of the siren is
| the melody OF his voice; he cannot pro-
nounce R, and the Italian A is soft in
his speech, but he says { git and 'shet
up and when he goeth he says he is
seoin'.' Sweet is his .~countenance,
and the lone, helpless female who gazes
upon it is gone"
"She is left, indeed" sighed the fat
passenger.
"You bet" said the brakeman, ear
nestly, she is clear broke up" :.
"She is paralyzed," mourned the sad
passenger" and the palpitations Of her
maidenly heart palp only for him"
And he lets it palp," said the man
with the sandy goatee, "for if he would
he cannot marry all Of them. he IS
sorry for the girls, but he really cannot
land so," said the tall, thin passen-
ger, "they pine away for him; they
watch for his coming in the car, and
their fnces grow brighter when he
comes; they admire him when he PAGES
up and down the platform snd smokes
the attenuated but harmless cigar OF
| the kraut plant of the Connecticut plan
tations; nis plaid pantaloons are day
| stars to their longing eyes, and his cut
away coat they adore. They cannot
help it; they love to have him stare ut
them, and he knows it. He is too ire
sistible; he is too sweet to live, and he
knows that, too"
"Let us look at him also, and admire
him." said the fat passenger: "See
how he sits graceful as Apollo new
lighted on a rail fence to talk politics
with the neighbors. But soft, here
comes a girl seeking q seat. Maiden,
u prayers are all for thee. Too late;
all in vain; the masher has caught her
eye, her fate is sealed, her heart is lost"
She was o beautiful girl, fair as the
morning, handsomely arrayed, little
gloved hands that you would even like
to have box VOL ears. Drawn by the
irresistible fascination of his inviting
eyes, she approached the mnsher who
made room for her beside him. Her
; eyes beamed on him in beauty only
equaled by his own, her voice was
! sweeter than the song OF the siren when
| she spoke to him. She had to speak to
him, how could she help it?
"Sir," she said. and the music of her
voice thrilled the car, "Sir, is this seat
engaged"
He looked up at the vision Of glow
ing cheeks and laughing eyes, marble
brow and clustering curls, and he re-
Tented, ever the Washers heart warmed
toward the lovely girl, the latest victim
~ h;c manly charms
ooh, certainly not" he said, and his
bow was n study of grace for the steam
man. ooh, certainly not; you are en-
tirely Welcomes; I shall be onl7: too
Then" cried the charmed victim,
"Mother you 4 sit here beside this
gentleman"
And an old woman, s~eventy-three If
she was u day, with no teeth and only
one eye, a small box, a big band-box in
Il bag. 4 green reticule and an umbrella,
two paper bags and a piece of calamus
root, tottered into the proffered scat and
sat down and piled her things into the
young mans lap. And the girl, the
beautiful girl, went and sat down beside
the passenger with the sandy .goatee.
who was so bashful that lie couldn't and
didn't say q word to his companion all
the way to Newark. and blushed to his
ears every time the fat passenger winked
ut him. Thus ended the saddest chapter
in the historyssof the masher. -3ur1tng-
t0n HaWkeue.