Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-01-07
FUNNYGRAPHS.

FUNNYGRAPHS.
EXTREMES meat -Oxtail soul. 49,
World.
FRENcHY: 1t takes the coupon to
keep the coupe.
AN apparent contradiction: A man
living generously and yet giving nothing
away.
WE speak of shrewd man, but, If he
is he is welded, do we not compromise
the wife?
DON'T play with the devil when you
are young lest you have to work for him
when you are old.
A DEATH-BED repentance is a good
thing as a last resort, but for solid COM
fort it is a little uncertain.
THERE is one place where burglars do
not break In as often as the should, and
that is where the water is deep.
THE difference between a military
general and clock is this: One produces
tactics and the other tic taos.
WHEN man gets the rheumstis in
his knees he knows the beauty of gate
without hinges.-Neao Haven Register.
FEBRUARY of this year will have five
Sundays, short as the month is. This
thing only happens once in twenty
eight years, and those who pass contribu-
ton boxes must make the most of it.
WHEN we speak of man as ungain1y
we do not wish to be understood that he
cannot acquire. He may be wealthy, but
he certainly is not graceful in his car
rage.
A FURRIER who knows his business
can take in coon skin and turn out
any sort of fur you want from it, from
the wild-eyed beaver to the roaring
grizzly.
AS they who, for every slight sickness
take physic to repair their health, do
rather impair it, so they who for every
trife are eager to vindicate their charac-
ter, do rather weaken it.
A PROVINCIAL paper in England adj
vertises: "Easy tracks on the violin, or
how to produce limitations of the human
voice, the cries of the barnyard fowls
and the Scotch bagpipe."
It lis not 80 much the quantity that
tells as the quality. The devil has as
much brains as the archangel, but he
doesn't look at things in the same way,
and that's why is where he is.
PHELIM Ito tourist who had taken
shelter in leaky shebeen) -"Dad and
it's soaked to the bone you'll be gitten'
wild the strames through the roof.
Come outside, sorr,-it's dryer in the
wetp
You can train the eye to see all the
bright places in your life, and so slip
ever the hard ones with surprising ease.
You can also train the eye to rest on the
gloomy spots, in utter forgetfulness of
all that is bright and beautiful.
SOMEBODY says quantity enough that
a distinction and difference are by 10
means alike. GA little distinction"
makes man very happy, while " q little
difference" especially with ones wife, is
apt to make things go very contrariwise.
SEVENTEEN lawyers are engaged in
suit over the will of an Indianian, who
boosted, shortly before his death, that he
had got his affairs into such shape that
when he died the lawyers couldn't make
a penny out of his estate.
THEY were inspecting a group of
statuary, and she asked him who that
female figure was. He said he wasn't
certain about it, but he thought it must
be bust of Sahara-at least it was
barren waist.
The latest Yankee discovery is q
spring in Michigan 80 strongly magnetic
that man who drank from it and went
into blacksmith's shop found the anvil
on which he sat stuck fast to him and
had to have it amputated.
A MAN who had 500 stolen from him
received note with $25, saying: 81
stoled your money. Remorse naws at
my conshens, and send some of it back.
When remorse naws again Tll send you
some more" -New York World.
FARMER Ito Mossoo, whose gun has
gone off by accident): "Here, ar say;
that's over bad; there's one them shots
gone clean through t. crown O. my at"
Mossoo (who has, up to the present,
missed everything): All, zen Eat is
bettaire; is it not Eat mprove.-Judy.
In states where the Moffett liquor
register is used every drunkard is a state
officer in 80 far as it is made his duty to
see that barkeepers punch every drink
with care. This punching under espion.
age goes on until the state officer is blind
drunk, and then the barkeeper punches
his head instead of the register cards.
A DANBURY young man offended one
of the lady clerks in fancy goods store
at party few evenings ago. A day
or two later he went into the store and
inquiredif she had "gentlemen's gloves"
She answered, eyes" 81 want to get
pair" he said. Who are they for9"
she asked, looking him straight in the
eyes. "Why-for-me," he gasped,
turning scarlet under the insinuation in
her MISUNDERSTANDING Ners.
THERE is vast deal of common sense
in the song of the old negro cook. She
was little befogged as to the theolog-
ical aspect of the case, and didn't know
any more than some white people do
what certain events in her life meat, but
she expressed very general opinion
when she said:
My 'sperience be dat hits berry well
/ hadn't de power to choose: