The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-06-25
Broad Gauge.

OF coaches fine and glitter, too,
broad gauge can surely boast the best;
With engines shining bright and new,
And hyered porters gayly dressed;
The engineer they call good cheer,
Because ne's always blithe and gay;
The conductors name is rum or beer
rTis changed from beer to rum, they say
The engine pants, the train is OF;
Free tickets, soft, reclining seats,
And boon companions jest and laugh,
Til each in turn the other treats,
And games of billiards, pool or cards
Their subtle. siren spell soon cast,
And Jest and jokes and idle words
Make time ON golden wings to pass.
Through meadows fresh, bedecked with flowers,
With babbrng brooks and streamlets clear,
Where song-birds gay among the bowers
Give forth their silver notes of cheer;
But now neglect its footprints snow
In pasture, meadow and in heid-
Where grain should be there brambes grow
rFis sure the home of shaD-genteeL
On brakes the engine loudly shrieks!
Then stacking up at last stops stlH
Along beside the depot steps, go
While shout the pOrters, " LoafersNue!
Ioafersyillei Two hours for dinner!
GThis way, right this way, gentlemen!
ss1he Dragon House, first-class, yer Honor!
ssBus To the Hotel de Temptaton!
And now each passenger is gone,
Some with one, and some another,
tllle,
While public loungers stare and wonder,
How with such naive, and courtly smile
Is ordered up the several drinks; .
UAIint tulip" stone fence" and cocktail! y
Till soon they're found among the ranks.
And when at last the time is up,
Each to his seat has slowly lounged,
Some bent upon midday nap,
Others in gaming still INDUCED;
GAN aboard ~ the conductor shouts;
The seats are fun, the platforms, too,
And curses fill the air, and oaths
From some TO whom an oath Is new.
But onward speeds the hell-bound train,
And ever with increasing speed,
Until she hats at length again,
Division number two is made;
And here the porter bids all change,
- For Drunkardstown and other points
That lie along the deadly range
That leads to Hades, iron gates"
DIVISION 80. II.
The coach is poor, the seats are hard,
The engines old and rusty, too,
The porter's rude, but still dubbed pard;
In short he's mean and ragged, too;
The conductors changed, but not the name,
He's poorer clad and less a man;
They call him rum just all the same,
For he belongs to Satans clan.
Black Stygian darkness lies before,
The airs a deadly poison fluid,
And, half clad, standing in the door,
Children appeal in vain for food.
At station Reformatonburg
[But flag station, by the way
A wife has tagged the train, and begs,
Alas in vain, her lord to stay.
But quickly speeds the train from here,
with rattle, CATER, din and roar,
And none on board fear or care
That they have almost reached hell's door,
Temperance town is long since passed,
Now Liarsyille looms up before,
And anon is Murderer's Gulch,
Il,f,, ,.t41,, Inn 10
Now low and lower still the grades,
Aud sitting is the poisoned air
That uprises from the abode
OF those who dwell with King Despair;
One long, wild shrek, and then no more,
As down 10 hell they quickly sink,
Where they may slake their thirst
With stnted rum or cursed drink
Many's the passengers that go
Der this dread road from year TO year,
Although before they surely know
No traveller e'er returns from here.