The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1880-11-17
WIT AND HUM0R.

A Cincinnati physician whose specs
ialty was the treatment Of idiots, was
very mad at his neighbor, tho editor,
who meant 10 be complimentary when
he spoke Of tho physician as q cele-
DRAFTED idiotic doctor.
Tho proprietor OF q Scotch hotel in
forms commercial gentlemen and
tourists" that they can rely on CONF
Portable accommodations ut his estab-
lishment, and that carriages and
other CoDveyances, including first
class country hearse, are kept for hire"
We thought q Chicago commercial
traveller bca! tho world for check, but
y Maryland lady viii have to be ex~
cepted. Her next door neighbor was
sprinkling Paris green on his potato
vines to Keep away the bugs, and she
told him to stop or lie would kill all
her chickens. - Boston Post.
"See here. George, slid fond mann.
ma TO her little sou, as they walked
on the beach, "what a lot of nice little
round stones" "Yes," grumblcd
George, as hc cast searching glance
around, sand not a blessed thing to
throw 'en at
"In the hour OF danger woman
thinks least Of herself" sail Mime. do
Stacl. True! When the thunder roars
and the vivid lightning flashes, and
the big drops come down, the woman
who is caught out in the storm dc-E
votes her agony TO the thought thast
her hat and dress will be ruined.
A Baltimore lieiress fixed herself
up as homely woman OF middle agoA
and got into street car in wbichy
were four or five Of lcr suitors. AL
one Of them wanted to get Off he got 4
up and let her have his seat. She sup-J
pose that he went TO ride upon thsY
platform, and, Of course, accepted him
when he proposed. Some men are \
born to luck. 1
A mans excuse for stealing pair
Of chickens was, that while at work
lie hung his coat near the coop, and ON
going for it he found tho chickens
roasted on the same. lie hadn't the
heart to wake them up, he said, so no
wound his coat around them without
waking them and carried them of.
His defense was ingenious. but he was
sent up for three months all the same.
A London tourist met q young wo-
man going 10 the kirk, and as was not
unusual, she was carrying her boots
in her hand, trudging along barefoot
"My girl" he said, sis it customary
for all the people in these parts to go
barefoot" "Pairtly they do" said
tho girl, land PARTLY they mind their
own business"
Dean Afford tells of o Scotch lad in
military school who went up with
drawing of Venice, which he had just
finished, to show the master. Observ-
ing that he had printed tho name un-
der it with two ms" (Vennice) tho
master said: "Don't you know that
there's only one hen in Venice?"
"Only one hen in Venice!" exclaimed
young Sandy with astonishment:
"l'm thinking they'll no hae moDy
eggs, them"
Punch suggests charming fashion,
which has the merit of being exquis.
itely harmonious. A young woman,
built Oh the disjointed plan, which
indicates brain given TO aesthetics,
has serpent bracelets coiled above and
below her all too evident elbows, and
around her ankles, which is nothing
new, hut the finishing touch Of SCR
pent thrice twisted about her supple
waist, and OF another serpent, ellis and
ellis long, wrapped outside her dress
above her knees in guisc of scarf
oversize 10 new.
"Tf sc plaze, mum, the cook has
boornel her hand, an axes to be OK.
cused for q few days, for it's most
crazy she il with the pain" "Indecd,
Bridget, l'll do nothing of the sort. /
expect to dinner tomorrow several
prominent members of the Society for
the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals,
and tho cook must do her work or lind
another Mace. main or no DaiD.n