The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-03-13
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
A corn.sheller-A chiropodist.
Always in hastc-Ths letter "h''

To make preserves keep all wintcr-Dont eat
them.
Jim Keene's song: ~ shall make money IN
this wheat by and by"
A river is called sheet Of water because II Is
spread out over the bed.
It is suspected that A. II. stephens boarded ID
his youth at some Shepherds Fold.
three.eent stamp becomes sent stamp alter
YOU have mailed your letter.
Does man contract debt when he pays part
Of it and makes it smaller!
Men are often like tca--the real strength ana
goodness are not properly drawn out uhtil thcy
have been in hot water.
A Maine paper speaks of prayer recently OIL
fered before the legislature of that state as spicy
aud full of practical suggestions
Victoria Woodruff sends us copy OF the Lon
don christian Vorld, containing a sketch OF her
life with the extraordinary statement that she is
teaching Il class in London Sunday school!
4 Colorado editor announces in his paper: I'VE
are going east and there is nobody here now bu,
one printer and the devil: when the printer is
out you can 20 20 the devil"
"WiIl YOU name the bones OF the head" said
a teacher to one OF his class. "lve got EN- all
in my head, teacher" replied the pupil, "but
can't give 'em."
western sleeping car was recently enter
tanned with the sight of man beating his wife.
Some men have the rare faculty OF making them
selves at home anywhere.
I.ongfelow's son is exhibiting in Boston an
allegorica painting called 1.-THE Choice OF
Youth" 1t is not said whether it represents a
yelocipede or ) cent cigar. ...
Twenty.oue new planets were discovered last
ye4r but yet the world must 20 right on putting
ID the same Kind Of stoyepipe invented fifty
YEARS SGD. Our wise men look too high.
Lsadville has had leap year ball which was
eenducted in proper style. The girls had three
AnlFe fights and then general shooting ARRAY
~hils the men huddled together in the corner
ard relied.
When the Russian car heard the jarring and
rambling under his dining room he smiled sort
u sickly smile and turning to Gen. karotidoh-
.ki, who was by his SIDE simply remarked, THE
villain still pursues me-"
Hario Goudosiwoiio is the reigning prince Of
sura Karta in the island of Java. See here, you
old heather, what Java a name like that for?-
heak,d hd'e city.
In the report of a swell wedding 1t was written:
Her dainty feet were incased in shoes that
might have been taken for fairy boots" but the
compositor lost his life for making it read, 'shoes
that might have been taken for ferry boats"
An cntcrprsing American shipped some wheel
barrows to Rio de ,Janeiro and the natives filled
them full of stone and such and carried them on
their heads They said it was n capital contriv'
ance and wondered how they managed to get
along so many years without it,
Young man at Omaha did not wish to marry
the girl to whom he was engaged, but she would
not release him until he gave her his grocery
business recompensc. She now runs the
store and he works elsewhere on small wages
The bargain pleasing both.
The five wives OF an Indiana man arc buried
side by side. He long desired to place Il tomb
stone at the head OF each, but the cost deferred
him until he hit upon an economical method OF
lettering. On the headstone is the Christian
name of wife only, with an index finger ac-
cOmpanicd by these words: "for epitaph see
large stone"
The ancient jibe against the young lady who
was only episcopal pious " is now matched by
the story Of the interesting stranger at camp
meeting, who replied to the usual question asked
bya young apostle of the emotional school: "My
dear young friend, have you got religion" ooh!
m iplnnl thank m "A prnu
According to the Chicago Times, Lieutenant
Parker OF the Ninth Cavalry the nephew of At
torncy.General Devins who experienced some
difficulty in passing examination before an army
board, but was commissioned nevertheless l
passed west over the Union Pacific not long ago
with recruits He certified on the transportation
order that "the Pullman Palace Car Company
has furnished me with one birth" the ri" being
dotted.
While there WAS no public demonstration in
Washington in honor of Washngton's birthday,
Congress adjourned over 10 the 2ith as the 22d
came on Sunday, and al select conviyal party
that evening distinguished western senator is
reported as having said: "My friends, we should
remember as We sit here surrounded by plenty
'ii"t VIC Huhutcu anu TWO years ago To-Day Icorgc
Burlington was passing his washday-I mean
George Worthngton was washing his birthday
of course, what intend to say il, Warge Josh.
lngton was boshing his washday." elan. it,
exclaimed the senator, excitedly, II want YOU
% understand that the immortal father Of this
country, Worge Goshington, was starving at Val
ley Forge"
Oi course he still iyes-the typical Texan
though the inroads of civilization, refinement
and eiiemlnacy are somewhat thinning out the
race. san Antonio paper thus pictures him:
His hair was long yellow and straight, or at
least not cnrled. lie rode into san Antonio on
pony. His boots were spangle with stars and
his Mexican hat was heavy with the double To-
quilla that girdled it, and the horn Of his saddle
had on it meta trimmed plate big enough for 4
ballet girl to dance on. When he had taken