The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1880-08-15

OF existence. at times my laSileI WAS !
weakly indulgent. at others vigor-
ously severe; so that If were capri !
cioua it was not 10 be wondered at.
Had my husband been spared unto
me, and had l done as / NOW wish to,
my child should never fall into the
grave fault com nittsd by her mother
but that ia not now to my purpose. T!
81 went on 8 few days welt 10 an
aunt who lived in Albany, arranging
it with Iuy cousin to meet him there,
and have the ceremony performed |
that was TO msk5 US one | dare not |
make my aunt my COL fisnt. nor bad
| any female 10 support me 10 this
most trying aud important period OF
q woman's life. l bad but him l
loved-him trusted to uphold me-
on his generosity and honor | had
TO ieiy with impli is confidence.
Few, perhaps. really realize
The feelings ergeDdeTsd IN the
mind upon such sn occasion.
l did not iesr that be l so fondly
looked up to wss unworthy OF my
affection, but the secrecy l bad to
maintain detracted greatly from my
happiness. At any moment my
father might discover nay duplicity,
and | tremblsd at what might be the
consequences. But l had gone toe
lar TO retreat. advance beioR not
more dangerous to my pt ace tan it.
l must, therefore. on, let my fate be
what it would. Like person in the
dark, frightened vt what / k1e6 not,
| resolutsly shut my eyes 10 the future
and its dangers. A special license
was procured and in q short time l
was a wife. Then only did TIE mag
nitude and en0rmity OF my dlsobe-
dience arise to my mind. al d ] ssnk
appalled, at the step I had tsken.
My husband, by tvery token of en-
dearment, every argument OF reason,
strove to recall me to u sense Of my
duty, in the position l had entered
But unGvalliDg were all bis Efforts to
rouse me, until nsture had exhausted
itself and my grief had abatsd.
"0hl how | f.ared ior my new
found happiness, as every mail from
the south told OF increase OF d fficu'tY
and deepening struggle. and the less
and still less likelihood thers WAS Of
restoration to harmony. wcu!d
willingly have gone with ny husband
to the ends OF the earth, 90 nave kept
him by my side and from pArtlc,-
pating in the dangers OF such an IN
sane struggle. Fer time nCtrd he
seemed more easy and res,iul in
mind than he had been, aud began
70 hope be had reconsidsred his de-
te-minstion and DOW no longer anti
cipated leaving nae Our interviews
we're but stolen, yet perhaps we're
more sweet on that account.
"But my happiness had been de-
ceiTing me, as my waking from it
too plainly showed. Tbs time had
come for me to return to my fathers
house, but how could l lsAvs' my
husband. roE doubly dear 10
me in lis new relationship? But
be decided for me. ADD when l
mentioned going. be told me his
mind wa, mads up to return to his
own home, and If need be offer bis
services to defend the freedom OF the
south. Virginia had secsded. 'and
shall j. said he, prove recreant to
the duty owe the state which kindly
fostered me, and under whose institu-
tons / was reared! M! Perish the
thought. | would be a villain were |
50 weak; nor could | live while allow
ing others to fight the battles OF our
common country. Return to your
father, aud in short tins | will re-
turn to claim you openly. before all
the worldl' Against such words as
these l bad nothing but my tears tn
oppose, though my anguish Vas al
most upsupportable.
L returned to my fathers house
and my husband went south, arriving
home about the time young Ellis
worth was killed. received shortly
afterwards from him q letter, in which
he told me be had, through the good
Offices of friends. obtained staff Ap
pointmeht under Bssuregard.
"Fime passed on, my father bs
coming more and more immersed in
the civil struggle, and more viudict-
i've in bis hatred Of my cousin, or
rather my husband; for by the news
papers We saw he had greatly dis
tinguished himself on more than ems
occasion by bis courage and conduct.
At such times my faaher would look
at me whilst heaping invectives on
his name. Tears we're alone my re-
ply. He knew not they were wrung
from the departing sorrow OF q vile,
he thinking they arose from our sep
Araiion. l dreaded the dangers be
encountered. whit | glorisd in the
laurels he won, for what woman but
has pride in ths courage OF her lord?
At length the time was near must
become mother Discovery, knew,
was imminent and concealmsut was
no longer possible. How often
have l been upon the punt
of confessing all to my father
and begging bis forgiveness.
when some stern word, OF cutting
sarcasm, would seal my lips and send
me t. EN- bling to my room. Exposure
came, and OIL it chills my blood sven
now, when l recall the look OF hate,
rage and scorn, my father cast upon
me. The foam stood upon his lips az
he hurled his fierce denuneiations,
and /, as the poWeriess reed belle 6
the hurricane, bowed in AFFECT fear
bsfore him-embrsciug his knees in
the intensity OF my desires for for
giVeness. But all in vaipl be cast me
from bim-;old ms 20 60 TO him |
had chosen in preference 10 fathers
love and 10 opposition to his com
nands. sank iainting before him,
he struggle too bitter for my already
weakened fame. Ny little one came
o comfor; me, yet added to the 4
OF my anguish.
From the day OF tbs discovery Of
ny secret marriage 10 the present
ime | have not met my father. As {
Don as | was able 10 rise. money vas
,laced in my hand, and | Was told to
eek my husband. Heart sick, weary
lmost of life, l turned from the roll
bat bad sheltered my childh' oil, and
y the hearthstone OF which | had a
assed 50 many innocent aud happy
ours. All my hopes were nos SET
pom finding my husband and -.
arled for the south. Whit still on "a "a
le way, came the news OF the terri r,
e battle OF Shiloh, where so many :
of our countrymen fell 10 s.
SO no more till the trump of the L
calls them 10 Judgment. In