The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1880-04-28
G.Ll.iE'A.!lNINGs.


BETWEEN two evils, choose neither.
WIDOWS and widowers ought to be
repaired.
TROUBLE can always be borrowed at
low rates.
TO STOP man from talking Out his
head of.
4 DOES the maternal Goldfish call it's
young with Goldfish bawl.
How OLD is our earth /? asks an ex-
change. Couldn't say. It got here be-.
fore we did.
Why is the vowel "o' the only one
sounded? Because all the others are
inaudible.
A DOGS tail is the greatest novelty of
the day. Why? Because no one ever
saw it before.
A DUTCHMAN, describing q pair of
horses, said: "Dey was exactly alike.
specially der off one"
SoFT solder mends many q hole in
hard pan, and taffy heals many wound
ed spirit, if judiciously applied.
DOES your wife play euchre ?" asked
one. NO." replied the other, rubbing
his head, shut she's death on poker"
WHEN man utters Earefaced false
hood, you feel shocked; but when he
tells another, the effect is to pair O. lies.
MRS. BROWN says her husband is such
blunderer that he can't even try on
new boot without putting his foot into
it. :
THE habits of fruit are peculiar; we
have seen raisin box, fig drum, and
an apple stand all day on the corner of
street.
DUTY stares me in the face" said the
deacon, when the custom-house officers
caught him smuggling dozen pair of
gloves.
A CHILD being asked what we're the
three great feasts of Jews, promptly and
not unnaturally replied: Obi eakfast
dinner and supper"
DID you ever notice that the man
who calls baby ga brat" never knows
as much in week as ten-pound baby
does in minute?
SHE was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond Of her. She hated
him, but, woman like, strove to catch
him. He was flea.
APoTHEcARY-"Yc want this pre-
scription filed, sir, understand" Pat
rick "Divil bit of it, SUR! It's the
bottle wud have flledv" .t.l
A WESTERN editor says one hug is
worth dozen love letters, and they
cannot be introduced as evidence in a
breach of-promise suit, either.
A JERsEYMAN tells us his wife was
kicked in the jaw by mule. "Did it
| hurt herr" "Bless you, no: but the
mule broke his leg, and had to be
shot,"
A CRITICISM of the opera: Gentle
man-"What breadth of expression she
hasl" Lady" Yes, her mouth is big
enough to give us any breadth we may
require"
If you want to make a noise in the
world, obtain situation to beat a bass
drum, and execute your work with
vigor. People will think you are a
great man if you only pound hard
enough. .f.. .s
ABoY in the country writes to an
other in the city to come and visit him.
He proposes to him to get his fathers
consent, and says it might be done in
this way: " Ask your sister to ask your
mother to ask your father to let you
come"
! SAYS Mrs. A. to Mrs. B.: =.
You must excuse me- dear .
But then know you cannot see
The SCOT in your left ear" ~
oh thank you, dear!n says Mrs B.;
You're very kind to speak;
How could it get there? Let me see
Oh, yes the cars last week."
| Ihls liable teaches plain, though rough;
Don't give yourself away
BY saying more than just enough,
And battle on every day.
MANY'a writer of note languishes in
prison. Put another mans name on
the note, you see.
The waves of woman's handkerchief
have wrecked many a man.
A GOOD composition, according to the
Country Gentleman, for rendering
boots proof against snow and wet can
be made of one part mutton tallow and
two parts beeswax, melted together
| VI course it will be more difficult to
make boots thus treated take good
polish, but after few times they will
be as susceptible of brilliant polish AS
| ever ~
A GOOD judge of mutton ought to be
wether wise.
The simplest and surest test for oleo,
margarine is to heat the substance in q
small toy frying-pan. Butter vii,
gradually get brown and smell nicely,
even when beginning to burn black
Oleomargarine will never get brown, but
will directly, if the heating continues,
change from clear yellow fat to black
and emit all the while an odor familiar
to those who live near fat factory.
AN English writer comments thus on
our American women: @Our American
cousins thoroughly understand the art
of enjoyment, and there is much In
their social arrangements that we might
borrow with advantage. Moreover,
philosophically good-tempered, blessed
with tact and brightness, the American
women talk well and to the point, and
have the talent of making the entertain
ments over which they preside bona
tiIe successes"
a NOVEL scheme "A proposition to
write a romance.
EARTHENWARE IN CooK1Na. - The