Connecticut western news., 1880-03-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

l Pabou
 The crack of boom happens this year, Cin. Commercial.
 It is @ mean man who will give cat e bird stuffed with sawdust.
 A river is called sheet of water be- cause it is spread out over the bed.
 The cook who undertakes to pluck a turkey must make clean breast of it.
 The left side of plum pudding is the best part to keep over for cold bite.
 There is no tyrant like custom, and no freedom where its edicts are not re- sisted.
 Wherever the tree of benehcence takes root it sends forth branches be- yond the sky.
 The darkness of death is like the evening twilight; it makes all objects appear more loving to the dying. When the cold weather is upon us the man who is not grateful with grate full is an ungrateful great fool.
 Wisdom is not found with those who dwell ut their ease; rather Nature, where she adds brain, adds difficulty.
 Alexander H. Stephens is growing fat. At the end of the war he weighed seventy -one pounds, now he weighs nine- ty-three. ..E -"A man never loses by little po- liteness," as the soldier said when he bowed his head for the cannon-ball to pass over.
 The vanity of loving fine clothes and new fashions, and valuing ourselves by them is one of the most childish pieces of folly that can be.
 Tt is said that the fashionable spring bonnet will contain hole on the top for the wearer who has an itching scalp to stick her finger through and scratch 1t. ..... The human race is divided into two classes-those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, "Why wasn't it done the other way?"
 A wife's serenade to her worser- half " who doesn't come home till morn. ing: "There's Q club in the doorway for thee, husband. "-[ Hackensack Re- publican.
 More than thirty-three professional baseball players ip Philadelphia are without engagements. Gall you this returning prosperity Oh, the irony of the word
 Experience teaches many things prominent among which, to man, is that it is safer to run your chances with balky mule than dictate to woman on wash-day. .
 The Syracuse Tunes tells of a smart boy in that town who took his sister to the meat market to see ground hog, and when they arrived, he showed her tub of sausage meat.
 --"Can dogs find their way home from long disrance?" asks an exchange. It's according to the dog. If it's one you want to get rid of, he can find his way home back from California. If it's 0 good one, he's apt to get lost If he goes round the corner.
 The Albany Argus says thata youth of that city who is fond of the girls and has different one to call on nightly, while making call the other evening, was told by friend that although his arm had never been broken to her knowl- edge it was frequen tly out of place" Gould coniugal affection be more strictly displayed than it is in the sub- joined? "And so, doctor, you think my wife will get we'll ?" "I am sure of it if you can persuade her to take this dose." "Doctor, take it she shall, if have to break every bono in her body" The busy world shoves angrily aside The man who stands with arms akimbo set Until occasion tell him what to do;
 And he who waits to have his task marked ont
 Shall die and leave his errand unfulhlled. -J, R. LOWELL. straightwhere she strayed, W ith stride he strode,
 Sad sighed he on the sod and said, ., Say, see sigh and sue you so'- She had no heed, but hid her head Maud's mood the mud of mead made mad; No answer knew she now but No"
 A tramp entered a saloon in the capital of Rhode Island and helped him. self hberally to lunch. Then he ask cd the barkeeper to loan him 8 quarter, remarking that he had read somewhere that Providence helps those who helps themselves. He was helped out into the street.
 A colored man appeared before c magistrate charged with some trivial offense. The latter said to the man : "You can go now, but let me warn you never to appear here again." The man replied with broad grin "I wouldn't be here dis time only the constable fotch me-" r..
 The following order was presented in the Maine Legislature by member; "Ordered that the judiciary commity be diracted to inquire into the spedi- ency of amending the constitution of the State that the wright of suffrage shall be limeet to those who are able to reed and rite the English language"
 -"H the county would give me as much money as it paid fees for sendin' me here," remarked vagrant in jail, "I could buy an outfit and 60 prospect in. Instid O usin' me to develop the resources of the country, they stick me in here and board and lodge me fur three months fur nothin'. Laws aqueer lay out"