Daily Republican., 1880-11-11
YELLows or INFINITE sEA'r.
Funny Things Told by the News.
paper clown and photographic
LuAatic.

| Detroit Free fress.
A "hirsd man." who had been EN-.
ployed on a farm In this county for
several months, entered suit agains;
his employer the other day for balance
Of wages amounting, as be claimed, to
S32. The suit WAS on trial In Justice
Alley yesterday, and it looked at first
az II tho plaintiff had clear case. He
gave dates and figures in q straight
forward way, and seemed to be very
honest young man. When the farmer
took the stand, he said:
II claim an Offset for that s32. No
man need sue me for what l honestly
ows."
"What is your Offset :" asked the
lawyer.
"Hs's an unbsliever."
"In what %
"Why, in the Bible"
"What has that to do with your ow-
ing him S322'
"It has q heap to do with It. had
six hands in my employ, and we were
rushing things when l hired this man.
He hadn't been with as two days when
they stopped the reaper In the middle
Of the afternoon TO dispute about Dan
lei in the lions den, and In three days
we had a regular knock down over the
whale swallowing Jonah. The man
who run the mower got to arguing
about Samson and drove over stump,
and damaged the machine to the tune
Of els aud the very next day my boy
broke his leg while climbing fence TO
hear and See the row which was started
over the Children OF Israel going
through the Red Sea, 1t wasn't week
before my wife said she didn't believe
Elijah was fed by the ravens, and hang
me II | didn't fad myself growing
weak on Noah and the food. That's
my Offset; and II he was worth any
thing, I'd sue him tor q thousand dol
lara beside"
The Court reserved its decision for
twenty. four hours.
Into one OF our largest dry goods
stor4s entered a gentleman the other
day, and with the air Of one who had
been used TO this sort Of thing all his
life, you know, he said to the aston
ished saleswomap: "Givs me yard of
maroon colored flannel to match baby
please" Correcting himself, he began
again: ~ beg pardon, mean q yard
OF flannel TO match o maroon colored
baby--hers producing a bit Of fan
mel from his vest pocket, } want ayard
OF that"
During a country ramble Brown
fell into puddle and fsarfully mud
died his inexprsssibles. Jones, his
companion, was trying by means OF n
casual stick to rid Brown OF some OF
the thickest of it, when q passing coun-
tryman inquired "say, yeou, what'r
yeou doin ~ "My friend, l am sim
ply scraping an acquaintance" said
Jones in blandest tones.
A would. be righteous man who want
ed the sensitiveness Of his religious ma
turs had an inscription painted over
the front door Of his new house TO this
effect: Let nothing enter hers but
what Is good" A wag who read It
said slyly: "Thsn suppose the mas
ter Of the house intends to go in at the
back door,"
The English Alphabet has rs letters,
the French Is. the Italian 20, Spanish
q, German 26, Slavonic AZ, Russian
rs, Latin %, Greek "a (l6 until 800 B.
c., when ths "a Ionic characters were
introduced), the Hebrew %, the Arabic
%, Persian 80, Turkish Is, Sanscrit
A. Chinese 2l4.
Rumor has it that Mr.. William Home
wood will shortly make another trip to
England, and that he will bs accom-.
panied by Mr. Edgar Tassell, Woodrow's
milkman. Mr. Homewood proposes to
ship to the sod country" number OF
horses aud cattle on "spec."
"You can do anything / you have
patience" said an old uncle who had
made a fortune, to his nephew who had
nearly spent enc. "Watsr may be
carried in a sieve, If You only wait"
HOY long," asked the petulent spend
thrift. "Till 1t freezos," was the
sold reply.
RATHER HARD on HIM!
Overheard at the oursng-outang
cage): Tom (who is not oVerburdened
with brains) !; | say, Lizzie, what do
they mean by the missing link?"
Miss Lizzie: swell, should define
It rs creature halfway between the
ape and myself"
The young husband and wife visited
he biological Gardens, and as they
,ame to great cage Of snakes, he said:
They are perfectly hideous, aren't
,hsyf And so many Of them"
"Yes, dear, fearful, and | suppose
after so much beer you see twice as
many as | do"
Scientists say that shifting the eyes
makes the sense Of hearing more acute.
Il is fact that the more people shut
heir eyes to the dolngs of the officials,
he more official stealing they are liable
% hear about.
II Ia said that broad .hesled shoes will
oon bs the fashion for ladies. No one
will regret the departure OF the Eliza
,ethan housekeeping looking heels,
which make lovely woman look like
hen on hot griddle.
SIS heavens state, do you thinkW
inquired Mrs. Fitzjoy Of Mr.. Toplofty.
'Aw, WEAKLY don't wecollect. My i'm
,ression is that it is only tewwitowy,,
W." Theological geography was i'm
aediately dropped.
Lola Montez, about whom so much
) being said lust now, Is described as