Ashtabula weekly telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1880-1886, 1880-04-23
Eceentrlo Retnrns.

-
come TO the tax commissioner ran
"For the last three years my income
has been somewhat under one hundred
and fifty pounds; in future it will be
more precarious, as the man is dead of
whomI borrowed the money"
Sometimes official inquirers get more
information than they desire. At the
taking of the last census, an enumera-
tor in South Ayrshire received from a
miner the following conscientious re-
turn. We give il veratim, only altering
the names: "Thomas Moran boren In
ireland county Of armaugh Silver Brige
cage 803 years. To The best of my
nolege Am that cage and am married
the secent time the fnrst wife Mary
Connolly belonged to ireland in county
armaugh the Secent Wife be longed TO
County Dereay hur name was ellen
M'Ghee Now hur name is ellen Moran
but she run a way From me five years
and ten months since and don't now
wheare she is for If she is Dead or not
haven't hard from since but If she is
Dead think she wood have
sent me woard before now
my father was a Farmer and had a
great power of land in ireland and
when came to scotland it was navey
was working In the Coll Pitt but sure
am not working no place now for got
my lege broken weeks and days since
gon to morrow. Rosey Moran my sis
ter belonging to ireland is Marred and
hur name now is Misses Cross and her
age is 205 years and she has Fore of a
family the Oulest Is tomas Cross years
nf and haVsnva IN stsalas.1
County armaugh Mary Cross eaged
years gen the sevene day of august
Boren in ireland County of armaugh
Elsie Gross Gagged Fore years gen the
lot May Boren in newcastle england
Clety Cross Gagged yere and 9 month
gen Saturday Boren in newery ireland
and the father of them is Able Cross
boren in england Gagged 40 years and
was soger and sarved his Queen and
his country POI years now in the Pit
Working and all that sins this paper is
catholecks." Glancing over this extra
ordinary schedule, the enumerator re-
marked to the miner that he seemed to
have a rather large household, to which
the surprised man replied, "Sure and
there's just meselfl"
That was more than could be said by
the honest farmer of Caithness, who, |
recording the births of his children in
the Family Bible, wrote: "Betty was
born on the day that John Cathel lost
his gray mare in the moss. Jenny
was born the day they began mending |
the roof o. the kirk. Sandy was born |
the night my mother broke her leg, and |
the day after Kitty gaed away with the
sodgers. The twins, Willie and Marget, |
was born the day SAMMY Bremner bigget |
his new barn, and the very day after
the battle o. Waterloo. Kirsty wes born |
the night o. the great fecht on the
Reedsmas, atween Peter Donaldson and |
factor raised the rent the same year.
Amy was born the night the kiln gaed
on fire, six years syne. David was born
the night o. the great speat, and three
days afore Jamie Miller had lift frae
the fairies"
The Irishman's peculiar method of
retaining the nothings is not so uncom-
mon as one might suppose. A census
schedule from an English village was
dated "April the 8, 1901" and pur-
ported to give all the necessary informa-
ton regarding the family of farm la
borer " "aged 305," whose roof, accord
ing to his account, also sheltered wild
ow "aged 704."
An insurance agent, seeing that a
would-be insurer had, in filling up the
proposal form, answered the questions,
Gage of father, if livingP" Gage OF
mother, if liyingP" by making the one
112 years and the other 1G2 years old,
congratulated him on coming of such
long-lived family. "0h," said the ap-
plicant, Tiny parents died many years
ago, but if living would be aged as there
put down"
There is nothing like exactness. An
officer having to proceed on duty from
one station to another, in making out
his claim for travelling expenses, put
down the item, "Porter, Cd. " an
item struck out by the War-oiiice. Not
heing inclined TO be defrauded of his
sixpence, the officer informed the au-
thorities that the porter had conveyed
his baggage from one station to anoth-
er, and that had he not employed him,
he must have taken a cab, which would
have cost eighteen pence. In reply
came an official notification that his
claim would be allowed, but instruoting
him that he ought to have used the
term porterage - instead of "porter."
He was determined, however, to have
the last word, and wrote back that he
was unable TO find any precedent for
using the word "porterage,n but for
the future would do so, and at the same
time requested to know II he was to
use the term "cabbage" when he
meant "cab. .''--EnqiiSh paper.