Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1880-05-06
HUulOr.

CagO Glrl. VI course II Is very last
Boston Post.
Here Is spring again, and how to
come out in a brand new suit without
spending any money is a problem that
knocks most young men dizzy.
The editor Of the New York Herald
justly observes that a man can live on
music and poetry until he is married,
but after that he must be fed regular
~ or ne will make music of another
kind.
Albany is the city where an alder
man, when a resolution was offered to
purchase twelve gondolas for the park
lake, moved to amend by making the
number two, male and female, and
trust to Providence and the future for
the balance.
What do you ask for that artic,e?''
asked an old gentleman of a pretty
shop girl, Give dollars" "Ain't you
little dear?" why" she replied, "all
the young men tell me So" The old
gentleman looked as if he thought he
had been misunderstood.
The Detroit Free Press talks about "a
hen that will loaf around on top of a
nestful OF eggs for the best part of a
month" If the Free Press man thinks
It's merely fun to sit on dozen of eggs,
let HIM try it once.
A court in Richmond, Va, has char
tered a cOlored society known as the
Sons and Daughters, Brothers and Sis
ters, Cousins and Aunts of Moses. 1t Is
an active rival of the United Order of
the Sons and Daughters of the Four and
TWENTY Elders.
The most absent-minded man was
not the man who hunted for his pipe
when it was between his teeth, nor the
one who threw his hat out of the win
dow and tried to hang his cigar Oh a
peg; no! but the man who put bis UNI
brella to bed and went and stood behind
the door.
Young Gent. "Might 1 ask you,
miss-ah-" Miss. Very sorry, sir,
out I'm engaged for the next three
dances" Y. G. cit is not dancing
ah-it is-it's-beg your pardon, miss;
you are sitting on my hat"
When the young and tender schoolgirl isn't
thinking,
Of the time when she will be allowed to vote,
Lowed to vote,
The chances are that she is cOyly blinking,
Coyly linking,
At some young man in zebra ove,coat,
Oyercoat.
-Nea0 Haven Register.
"Why do you look back?" asks Hen.
ry Ward Beecher. We don't know
why you look back, Mr.. Beecher, but a
woman looks back to catch second
glimpse of that horrid setting basque
worn by the other woman. And dc
you know, Mr.. Beecher, the other wo-
man has also looked back to catch a
glimpse of the first woman's ridiculous
hat, and there they are, face to face.
Then they turn up their noses at each
other, Mr.. Beecher, and pass on.
A story is told of General Buffers
sarcastic reto1t upon Massachusetts
Judge, whom he was teasing for rul-
ing favorable to cause he was defend
ing in court. The Judge got out of pa
thence at last, and somewhat testify ex
claimed: "Mr. Butler, what do you
think I sit here fol?' The General
quietly shrugged bis shoulders and re.
Piled: THE court has got me now"
II WAS pTOpOseu 10 eTecG d monument
in the village square to the Father OF
His Country, and old Squire Higgins
was called upon for liberal donation.
Il can't give anything this time," he
said. "but you may know always car
ry Washington in my heart" "Well,
answered the man with the subscription
paper, call / can say is that you have
got the Father of His Country in a
very tight place. Boston Journal
A paterfamilias was helping his ten
year-old son master his Sunday school
lesson. That lesson happened to be
devoted to the Parable of the Sewer.
In the course of his instructions the
father asked his son the meaning oil
the word 'tare," and the son replied,
Il don't know exactly, but mother can
tell me all about it." "Why your
mother, my son?' "Well, she must
know, for a few days ago. when you
didn't come home for two or three
days, L asked mother where you were,
and she said she guessed you were on
a tare!"