The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1880-03-30
CURRENT HUMoR.

walk around him without getting out Of the
clrcle.-l Macon Telegraph.
A German traveller III Africa characterizss q
people he came across as intensely black,
dolichocephalic and platyrhine, prognathous,
dichOtomatic, and dolichOdactyllc"
It is claimed that q man never loses any
thing by politeness, but this has proved to be
a mistake. Az an old Philadelphlan lifted his
hat to young lady the wind carried away
his wig.
Chicago man can get on bigger drunk
and stave up more property than st. Louis
man can, but u takes more officers 20 run r.
about equally divided
Not single circus Id winter quarters this
laet year had q trainer eaten up. an elephant
on the rampage or mad rhinOcer0s smash
ing up things. How can they expect to draw
crowds this summer
The women 81 Wisconsin now demand the
wearing No. shoes and having flats like pint
measures, but they want to raise election
rows.- Detroit Free Press.
No New York newspaper office is now COM
plete without puzzle-editor. And he has to
have his brain half-soled once day. With
pairs, good puzzle.editor will Inst a week.
A New Orleans man Has invented kind Of
candy that will make the breath smell Of
onions. This ig fer girls to carry to treat
their rivals with. Only q New Orleans man
would have been guilty OF such an invention.
Boston Post.
The Vanderbilt interest has been able to do
about as 1t pleased In New York, but It has
not yet acquired 9 mortgage on Chicago
[ChiCRgo Tribune.] Perhaps MIR. Vanderbilt
has an aversion to taking second mortgages
Hartford Courant.
No accounting for tastes.,Bus driver to
regular rider--'You ear them ere forinners
ho lrstffo .frnnf }nst
~ they don't yet tired q jabberlng away like
that the ole iourney-and not an intelligent
word from fust to lastw-[ Punch.
Customer: 'Dear me, Mr.. Puddifoot, why
your fourpenny pork pies are but q very
little larger than those at twopence." Puddi-
the same remark. zee how It is; 7 shall have
to make them twopenny pies smaller"
There are two ways to make man acknowl-
edge that he's wrong when he says you can't
Jump up and hit your heels four times. The
first way Is to do IT, and the second 10 to
tween the eyes until he admits that he il con-
WINGED Of his error.
"A young lady surprised the ''gentlemanly
clerk" ut one OF Our dry goods stores by offer
Ing him fifty cents 10 payment for dollar
purchase NJ amounts e. kna dol a yoa
the answer, "but papa 10 only paying fifty
cents On the dollar now.
A Kansas man bet $40 that with his rifle
he could shoot an apple off his sons head, q
IA William Tell. He tried It with the brave
boys consent, but aimed badly, and instead
head, the bullet took the life Of mule In
the next Heidi Boston Post.
Two Boston women of culture" came
across an old-fashioned milestone In the
suburbs. One read the inscription: 81 N
from BostOn," and the other said: Here Is
wished il written On her tombstone, I'm from
Boston How simple and sufficient /"
Over 200 shapes" OF hats are to be fashion
able this spring. This Is an increase Of ff-
teen over the winter styles, and cannot fall
to give bewildering variety to ladies' toilets.
the correct thing, and theatrical hats s are en- d
larged BY the addition Of q wing.-[New Haven
Register.
A Fact for Naturalists-Young House-
wife-"Dear me! what very small eggs for
twopence-halfpenny each! It seems quite
woman (who has always q conclusive reply
for complaints) We'll, yes, nm, 90 II does.
But I've always noticed that new-laid eggs
are small."ILondon Punch.
"How,"' asks Mrs. Worritt, Of Nashua, New
Hampshire. do you clean paint splashes of
Is to KICK out the glass. W. don't Know ws 81
any other way that does not demand an ex-
tensive and useless expenditure Of elbow
grease You might prevent their getting on
the glass, II you could kill the painter 10
time.I Burlington Hawkeye.
While Jackson's corps was cautiously NOV
ing to the flank and rear OF the Union army
at Ohancellorsville, the Confederate cavalry
Id advance became engaged with the enemy.
Soon wounded and bleeding trooper was
seen emerging from the woods Ia front. After
looking around, he moved In the direction
from which the infantry were marching, as II
seeking the rear, or, as the average gray
jacket would say, the r'ar. Soon afterward
rapid firing explained that the blue Jackets
had closed Ia behind Jackson, and It was not
long before the poor cavalryman was seen
coming back again. When opposite the
Stonewall, another cavalryman from the
front also arrived. No. at once recognized
Eyes" said No. q ''but not bad. Let's git to
the r'ar." AT which No. exclaimed: This
is the darnedest fight I've been In yet. It
hain't got no r'ar."
4 Cheap Job.
There was feud between the How're and
Weetfall families, In Warren county, Iowa,
and the Howries hired George Wheeler to kill
the nine male Weetfalls at 500 apiece, the
price to be paid after the death Of each, and
500 to be added for the ninth, making $1,000
for the whole job. Wheeler began work by
shooting Ut the father OF the Weetfalls, but