The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-03-16
ALL SORTS.

The Boston Journal tells this good one:
my dear" said fond father TO his three
year-old, as he entered the nursery, you
have little sister baby" "Oh let me
run and tell mamma" was the quick de-
mand of the happy brother.
On one of the steamers that plowed the
waters of the Mississippi il days gone By.
q quiet party was deeply immersed one
evening in the mysteries of that somewhat
uncertain game called poker. One OF the
party. colonel, or judge, or major-his-
tory does not record Wilhelm a fit of
abstraction, took the four aces from the
pack with which the game was being
played and laid them on his knee. The
game progressed. and the colonel almost
raised" his antagonists out OF their boots.
When the draw" came be threw away
his legitimate five cards. called for one,
and reached for the four aces on his knee.
They were gonel Rising he cried in tones
of virtuous indignation: "Gentlemen,
this thing has gone far enough. There's
cheating around this table"
The other evening, at little dinner
party, one of the guests, the younger
brother of an English nobleman, express
ed. with commendable fire. edom. his opin
ion of America and its people.
II do not altogether like your country"
said the young gentlemen. FOR one reason
because you have no gentry here.
What do you mean by gentry?" asked
another of the company.
"Well, you know. replied the Euglish-
man, "well-oh. gentry are those who
never do any work themselves, and whose
fathers before them never did any,"
"Aht" exclaimed interlocutor, "then
we have plenty of gentry 10 America; but
we don't call them gentry-we call them
tramps."
A laugh went around the table, and the
young Euglishman turned his converse
ton in to another channel.
A lantern-jawed young man stopped at
the Post offioe last Saturday, and yelled
| out:
Anything for the Wattses2"
| George Petect. our polite Postmaster.
replied, mo, there is not -
Anything for Jane Watts?"
Nothing"
Anything for Ace Watts?'
NO"
Anything for Bill Watts?"
"No SIR"
Anything for Tom Watts?'
mo. nothing"
Anything for Fool Joe Watts2"
'No. nor Dick Watts, nor Jim Watts,
| nor Sweet Watts, nor any other Watts.
dead, living. unborn. native, foreign,
civilized or uncivllized. savage or barbar-
| GUS. male or female, white or black, fran
| ohised or disfranchised, paturaliZed or
otherwise. No, there is positively nothing
for any of the Wattses, either individually
severafly. jointly, now and forever, one and
lnseparable.
The boy looked at the postmaster in
| astonishmeDt, and said:
please look if there is anything for
John Thomas Watts ?'-MeSico Ledger.
The dead beat permits nothing to get
ahead of him except q funeral procession
Yesterday seedy-genteel, who seemed to
be greatly excited, rushed into place on
Woodward avenue and wildly inquired if
i'they had telephone there. Being an
| swered 10 the affirmative. be rushed to the
instrument, threw his hat on the floor and
called out:
"Hellol Central ofics-for heavens
sake hello! heIloi hellol'
lis there fire2" asked the merchant.
''Firel keep still-wait-oh! heavens,
why don't they answer me. Hello! Cen"
trail Office All! | have theml Connect
me with sub-office on Dufield. street-quick
life deDendsl
Somebody dying asked them erchant.
Keep stiIl-for your life, keep still
Ahi sub-ofhce Connect me with No. -
Cass avenue as soon as you caDl Helloi
hello! Mary! All! it is her! Mary,
vonr mother has been ruo over by street
ear on ] eferaon ayenac and will die III
bring her up in a csrriage1 Get every
thing ready Send James for the 3oc,or
good by!'
Somebody hurt?" asked the merchant.
aSomebodg hurtf No Yesi I'm
half crazyl l must get carriage. Ali
Jeff my wallet at the Office down the river
LII tell Mary-no. Ill ask you for 81
until | come down after dinner!'
The merchant looked at the fellow for
few seconds and then walked to the tele-
phone. The sub-ofice was saying:
Who was getting off that rigmaro TO
Mary, and who was Maryl We don't |
connec, with No - Cass avenueI If you
don't stop your nonsense we II cut you offI"
The merchant turned to overhaul his !
customer, but shabby genteel had slid |
Perhaps he took his poor mother I'D on q |