Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-04-21
Match Hunting.

| Most people have no doubt observed al
one time or another, and perhaps at variou:
times during their lives, that matches not
made in heaven, viz: lucifers are very often
apt TO come up missing, or else prove worth
less at the most critical junctures. II you
are q married man and the father of child
ren, your opportunities for observation in
this line have been, like kind of paper,
manifold. 1t is during the cold and frosty
hours of winter night that the interview
ing of the family match safe is generally
accompanied by the greatest amount of i'll
luck, and, unless you are careful by pro-
family.
About 2 O'Clock, a. m, on winter night
your wife wakes you with a shake and
yells:
John Henry, strike light, the baby has
the croup!'
Turning over in bed you reach for the
match safe at the head Of the bed, and find
it empty. This is great disappointment
to ycu, but you say nothing. Meantime
your wife speaks again:
John Henry, will you ever ge, light
This child will choke to death
With one bound you are out of bed and
the next moment with arms outstretched in
front, you run full tilt against the edge of
the sitting room door, which stands about
half way open. Such little incidents are
good for You. They start the sluggish
blood from the nose which you have bruised
on the door, and disciple you in the art of
holding your temper. To rvnder the dis
cipline greater your wife laughs in sup
nraccad .f Eip.I1,-
reaching the dining room You plunge wildly
for the place where the match-safe is usually
kept, and find it not. Then your over-taxed
patience begins TO flow away, and you say,
mildly, OF course:
'.Angeline, where Is the match safel'
sin its usual place, my dear" she re-
plies.
81 don't find it,
'Feel around on the floor. Perhaps the
children have knocked il down"
Then you get down on your knees and
'feel." Just as you have run needle into
your finger and are about to express your
self IN positive and forcible language, your
wife SAYS:
''Oh, think the match-safe is in the
bookcase, where put it yesterday to keep
1t out Of the way of Jennie"
Another effort and the bookcase is
reached, opened, and the match-safe found
at last. 1t contains two matches. With
frantic haste YOU rub orc ON the under side
Of the shelf in the case. Ii fails TO ignite
You have tried the wrong end, you think
You essay another effort with the other end
A dull rasp is heard, but no fire is struck
"Who under the sun uses matches and
puts them back into the safe again g. you
calculate.
No answer from the bed room.
Grasping the last match, you ascertain
by the feeling that it is one of those thin
emaciated specimens about as thick as a
piece OF paper. You scratch il carefully
and hopefully. Ii breaks in two as it
ignites and the sulphur falls TO the floor
with fizz and sputter, the fumes filling
your lungs. At this important juncture
your wife's dulcet tones are again heard:
John Henry Frelinghuysen, what under
the canopy are you about Haveyou fallen
asleep out theref'
''Oh, yes, I've fallen asleep. have
I've fallen asleep out here, with my knees
knocking together, with the cold. To-
morrow III buy two gross of matches.
One gross III pile up in the bed room and
the other gross I'll open and place the
boxes all around the house, so that fellow
can find anything he wants in this house.
Then you make desperate rush for the
kitchen and find box full Of matches the
the first time trying. Lighting a lamp you
prepare to fix up dose for the Group, when
the last straw is laid on the camel's back
by your better half, who says:
''Never mind, now, John, | guess the
baby hasn't the Group after all, for she has
fallen asleep again"
Then, after making mental vow to
keep a light burning every night the re-
mainder of the winter, you shake the stove
down, and in bit of Observation-Disclosures
blow out the light and retire.
This performance is matchless one,
when well executed, and is capable of
countless variations.