Morning journal and courier., 1880-06-18
COMPRESSED AIR.

Painting a window shutter is good deed in more ways than one. It helps the blind
 ''What is heavens best gift to man ?' she asked, smiling sweetly on him. "A hoss, :" he replied with prudence.
 Some of the schools have a rule punishing boy who is tardy without an excuse We wouldn't give much for boy who couldn't give an excuse for being tardy. He ought to be punished. Transcript.
 If you get in passion, my dear friend, don't fly around and swear, and make all manner of foolish assertions. Just steal away and lie down in the sun a little while A soft tan, sir, turneth away wrath.-Quincy Modern Argo.
 It is true, Epaminondas, you can't make silk purse out of sow's ear, but that is no req son why you should go entirely back on the pig. You can make mighty good souse out of it, which is more than you can do with all the raw silk this side of Lyons. Huntington Hawkeye.
 soldier was sentenced, for deserting, to have his ears cut off. After undergoing the ordeal, he was escorted out of the courtyard to the tune of the "Rogues March," He then turned, and, in mock dignity, thus ad dressed the musicians ''Gentlemen, thank you, but have no ear for music" China and Russia are going to war. We may now expect to have dispatches something tItSI tuIS lO
 China wallee Me meetee heapee Lussian tloops me knockee 'em all into 8 clockse hattee. CHING CHoLAR, Bosse- -Genelal The corresponding Russian, dispatch would be as follows.
 Chinawitch wallowitch The Celestialowitch troopsokof were Iatosk Nightovitch knockedi,noff higheroski than kiteovitch.
 OILYMARGARINEovsKI TRAINoLovITcH Major-General and Second Deputy Czar Puck A sculptors wife had her husband arrested in Cincinnati the other day for assault and battery, because, as she testified, on the occa- sion of her going to his studio to inform him that the woman across the way had eloped, he struck her in the face with huge mass of mud The husband explained that the occa- sion referred to was the first time for years he had seen a pleasant look his wife s | face, and therefore he hastened to take a 1 clay cast of her features, so as to catch the expression for on bust he intended to l model. The court dismissed the case.-Ssn Francisco Post.
 The snobbishness of the newly rich in Frisco has become a well worn theme but we think the following anecdote ''out-Herods | Herod" in snobocracy. Among the acquaint- ances of Taylor street magnate a rep resentative of the ancient State of Virginia who prided herself upon her F. F. ", in | wardly considering she was the one who paid the compliment in calling. and was not the
  one day, soon after the ascendency of Mob Hill aristocracy she amazed, on present ing her card at the Taylor street mansion, to find the servant inspect her from head to foot, and then return her card with the re- mark My mist'esss orders are very strict, l mum sorry can't admit you to-day, but we don't receive people twice in the same cos toom." Another resident of the same locality. when revising her visiting list on her husbands | sudden accession to some unexpected bonan- ga, struck from it the names of those ladies she had previously known who did not own carriages, remarking: "One must draw the line somewhere. .'' What was her. delight, 8 1 short time afterward, at seeing drawn up be- fore her door the carriage of a lady whose acquaintance she was more than anxious to cultivate, but her annoyance and chagrin was unbounded at receiving from her ser wants lips the message: 'sMrs. Elites com pliments, and she has sent her carriage to call on Mrs Cash. San Francisco News T.of4o