Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1880-11-27
atireiuia fwe gress.
IN. C ". ". b. GALL1HER, Editors.
caarlesto,cn, Jefferson Coanty, Vest Ia
Noren,bcr -, 1850.
Practical Sermon from a "Soiid''
SoUtheTneF.
THE soUHrERNER FROM TIE CRADLE TO
THE GRAVE.

Fellow Southcrners, lay before you food
for rejecting" :" whether you digest 1t well
depends upon your own "innards." The
Southern born infant upon first opening its
eyes and lifting up its feeble voice in this
vale of tears is swathcd in fine linen from
the North. and warmly wrapped in a shaw,
soft IS swansdown made of Southdown wool
from the mountains of Virginia or Tennes-
see. woven in the looms OF Lowell, Mass
Later. his little feet are encascdin bright, red
shoes from "The New Boston Shoe House" ="
should its little stomach ache II Is dosed
with paragoric made in Philadelphia lab
oratorics. Ii cuts its teeth on GOOdyear's :
Patent Rubber and between regular meals
sucks milk from bottle, sweet comfort, fur
nished with patent India rubber nipple
from the same delectable source. little
older and il i pleased with rattle from
= Yankee dollar store, and may be tlck-
led with straw from Connecticut broom,
and ii its parents can afford IT, be lulled to
repoSe in a patent self rocEDrs cradle the
ingenious device Of some thrifty Yankee
who wanted to do two things at the same
time. Later on il swings from the ceiling
i'm some patent Yankee India rubber ar
raRgemcut, while it sucks irish terra aba
w:tu Il slight mixture OF Louisiana sugar,
vclepted" candy by some enterprslng ! an
kae coniectioncr. 4 little older II learns Its
4. +. C's from "CTandlcS patent blocks
and the whole history of Moan and his fam
| ily and his ark fresh from German toy
/ shopan reaching him by way OF Ncw ork.
| He lashes his leather headed stick horse,
with whistle handle whip which his ad-
miring uncle brought him IRON the Phiia-
delphia centennial. lie goest to school after
awhile ard drinks knowledge out OF books
every one OF which bears a copyright dated
! from Boston, New York or Philadelphia.
| 10 have finished education he must per
| force board 4 few years either at lalc, llar-
ward or if inclined TO any particular art or
| profession it can only be acquired IN some
Northern school specially devoted to such
purposes. But, mark you, up to manhood
/ ne has neither touched, tasted or handled
ANYTHING save his mothers milk, pure water
/ or the fruits of the earth, which has not had
/ the Northern trade mark on It,
Now he is a man, a Southcrnman. How
then. His ewes on first awakIng in the
morning. seek to find the time OF day from
the face of the clock On his mantlepiece,
which continually ticks Connecticut, Con
necticut. lie jumps NJ, d"'is h's night
gown labelled New York mills, and dons
! his dav shirt labelled "Wamsutta, but both
made of cotton from the fields OF Alabama.
! lie pulls on his stockings woven IN Mas
sachusetts' from Texas wool, puts on his
! drawers. made in Lowell, of Georgia or Mis-
| siSsippi cotton, and finishes OF with coat,
/ pants and vest of the very best slop shop
/ Philadelphia could afford. lie rams Il wad
/ of Connecticut seed leaf in his jaw, after
pulling on his boots, made in Lynn, Mass,
/ of Texan hides aud after putting on his
wool hat, Rhode Island make he saliies out
/ to feed his hogs, descended from famous
/ boar purchased at the price OF ive acres OF
/ land from distinguished hog iancier IN
/ Pennsylvania After chOpplng a little wood,
/ we all have To do that now with Nor
| thern axe made of Pennsylvania iron, with a
! handle of Virginia hickory shaped and fash
/ ioncd in Maine, he sits down on Northern
made chair kicks his heels up on Northern
/ made andirOns and proceeds 10 draw ms po-
/ ,itIcal inspirations, If "A democrat, which all
| good Southerncrs are, from the New York
/ World" or the New York Sun while his
/ breakfast Is getting ready. He sits down.
/ has " Eastern herring" or Eastern mGckrel'
or maybe New England cod fish made
/ into balls with mercer potatoes, the seed Of
which he got from Maine, Favored by bite
/ of radish; the seed OF which was raised in
Ohio. After breakfast lac fills his German
pipe, came in by way of New York, with
/ Lorillard's Long Island best, (he votes 1000
republicans whose wages are paid by every
Southcrncr who smokes-his to3acco. Now
TO ride. and he vaults into an Ohio pig
skin tanned with hemlock from the New
England mountains, and showing his feet
into Northern steel stirrups he goes out 10
see how his laborers, well fed on Cincinnati
bacon, are getting along with threshing
wheat with his new Massilion, or York
vibrator thrcsher, run by New Jersey steam
engine. Other hands are following with a
South Bend" or Peekskill' plow, and his
hay has just been cut with Buckeye" OF
Champion" mower brought all the way
from Ohio for the purpose. After his land
is we'll prepared by an "lllinois gang plow
walking cultivator' or tennessee" ThOm-
As harrow he proposes to seed it with a SUI
perior or Bickford and Huffman or some
other Northern drill, using or 300 pounds
of South Carolina bone, ground and thor
oughly acidulated somewhere up in New
York or New jersey. he will cut 1t with &
reaper the best in the world, because L