The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1880-02-27
SPLINTERs.

A soft winter turneth away the boys
misunderstanding Night.
The Whitehall Times truthfullv saws
"A wise town is known by the IRE com
pany it keeps"
The trouble with the midnight eat is
! pct so much that it cannot sing rs that
ii firmly believes it can
Problem in logic: If God made the
country and man made the town, who
made New jersey Puck.
Mrs. Youugwnnan wants to know
! how she can tell fresh erg from 81
stale one :" TASTE it, goosey taste it
Hswkeys.
It is . final test Of 5rotherly affection
for a girl to lend her brother's silk UNI
breila 10 her bean and not get jawed
clean out of her CATERS
The youth who sat upon a hot stove
lid, thinking it cold, now lies on his
stomach and reads about the general who
burned his bridges behind HIN.
At Montreal last week a locomotive
crossed the river on the ice. We prefer
quail on toast, bat still II locomotive ON
ice is food for reflection-Troy Press.
George Eliot's physician told her she
must never again attempt literary work,
and We want that doctor to come right TO
ms country and take care of Joaquin
Miller-Boston Post.
In struggling to make a dull-brained
boy understand what conscience was, a
teacher finally asked, "What makes YOU
uncomfortable after you have done
wrong:' Fathers leather strap" feel
ingly replied the boy.
Observing little brothers remark be-
fore room full of company: Il know
what made that red mark on Marv's
nose; II was the rim of John Parker's
hat" And there are girls who believe
that little brothers never go to heaven.
The sporting season has arrived, when
the amateur hunter goes into the forest
and shoots the farmers ten dollar COW
under the impression that it Is a deer.
and afterwards paws the farmer twenty
live dollars TO settle the matter and keep
it quiet-Boston Post
They sat upon the sandy beach.
And. gaZed upon the sea.
when are the waves called angry wayPsg',
IonHhurumly asked she.
"Callel an Try waves - her bean replied.
'TwiXt wonderment and doubt;
- give 1T upI'' - - by. them she cried,
Kansas City Times
Chemists have found that the smoke
OF cigar contains acetic, formic, butyric.
valerie and propionie acids, prussic acid,
creosote and carbonic acid, ammonia,
sulphuretted hydrogen, pyridine, vero-
dine, picoline, lutidine. c0llodine, parvo-
line, corodine and rubidene And the
boy Who has just tried it for the first
time will tell you that he believes it does |
Boston Post
A clergyman recently left Liverpool IN |
a large ocean steamer, and beginning to |
feel uncomfortable after leaving the /
mouth Of the river, sought the captain to |
learn if there was any danger The cap !
tain, in respose, led the clergyman 10 the |
f0recastle, and told him 10 listen to what |
was going on. The clergyman was |
shocked to hear the sailors swearing Wig |
orously, and expressed his horror to the |
captain. Tie captain merely remarked
do you think these men would swear |
in such manner if there was any real |
dangerg" whereupon the parson seemed |
satisfied and retired. A day or two af- |
terward, during a severe storm, the cap !
tain saw the clergyman proceeding with |
10 the fOrccastle, and on his re- |
turn overheard him exclaim: 'sThank |
heaven, they're swearing yeti''