The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-12-11

A COMBINATION SNAKE
STORY.
BY SLIM JIM.

A man who can safely eoncoct
plausible snake story and ram it
down the unsuspecting throat of an
unsuspecting public, is a hero. More
than hero-he is brick.
am about to concoct one.
My story will make each particular
stand on its own bottom and freeze
thy young blood.
That is, if you are young blood.
To concoct this terrible and true
story, / must have material to begin
with Some men can tell big lie
on small fact.
Some need no fact at all.
But this is not fact story.
1t is a snake story.
And what | want in the way of
story is snake.
Not fact.
] want very large snake.
Not boy constructor, as poor old
Mrs. Darlington used to say.
Because boy constructors don't
grow in this country.
want a very large sized rattle
snake.
Now, just to help me along in this
stupendous undertaking, let the read
er imagine that / have the snake.
Having seized his snakeship by the
slack of the pants-no, the napc Of
the neck-no, by the button Of the
toll Io4 ,,,, lalI him, ,,I ilo ,,,. h,,..
up more material.
Let's see
We've got the snake.
Now, he must do something ex-
traordinary.
But what extraordinary thing can
respectable snake do while in the
letters Of captivity, with an able
bodied mans fingers holding on
grimly to the button of its tail?
We might let him slip into Con
gress, or we might smugglc him into
the newspaper business with an ex
tensive circulation, but the public
wouldn't swallow it,
This must be story the public
will swallow without eating a lump
of sugar to take the bad taste away.
1t must be true story.
The snake is waiting all this time,
and we must hurry and put him to
work.
Suppose ! was to say that it swal
lowed Niger baby.
This might suit fastidious pub
lie.
But / doubt whether the niger
baby would enjoy the situation.
Hence I'll drop the baby.
| might say
Once upon time, it was calm,
fair day; the wind had ar icy edge
and plucked the russell leaves from
the bare branches of the naked trees.
A venomous rattlesnake wound his
elongated anatomy around the friend
ly trunk of fallen oak for protec-
ton against the chilling blasts. A
solitary figure, clad in the habiliments
Of woe might have been seen hurry
ing through the forest from her son 8
house, whittier she had been to advise
her daughter-in-law as to the proper
propagation of potatoe plants. She
nears the fallen tree around whose
trunk is coiled the deadly folds Of
the venomous reptile. A thrill of
vengeance tingleth the frame Of the
| snake, which extendeth even unto the
last button. A deadly enmity exist.
eth between the snake and the moth
er-in-law His forked tongue darteth
into the poison bag, and in a twink
ling of an eye he reareth for strike.
The lone woman is without pistol
in her hip-pocket, or bowieknife in
her bootleg. But she is armed with
the most deadly weapon-her tongue.
She darteth it also into her poison
bag and lets fly few scathing re-
marks. AS each schathing remark
falls upon the ears Of the now con
quered snake he winds himself more
closely around the fallen tree. The
wintry blasts are not more cutting,
and as the Infatuated female dis
CHdiSco uCl Odi Ocu ICludi Ms, ClCoCl
and closer clings the snake, until in
one strong, grand, supreme embrace
he snapped in twain, and then ex-
pired. The lone woman cut his rat
ties off as trophies and went home
happy in the thought of adding an
other victory to her long list.
Now there's story that's story.
If anybody can beat it, he is entitled
to the championship.
l am pot ambitious, but think
I've laid over the deck in the snake
story business.
And having finished the tale of the
mother-in- law, I'll let loose the tail Of
the snake.-Sunny South.
For SALE.--A splendid Shoningcr