Smyrna times., 1880-05-05
Chowder.

Men of note Reporters
winding-way: How to start a watch.
The frogs have opened the season of croak-eh?
Every liar in this country can do the fifteen puzzle.
| A polished gentleman: The Chinese laundryman
The man who sells sieves is in the hole-sale busi-
| ness.
mule is no physician, but he well understands the
art OF healing
Worth makes the man. but it takes q wheelwright
/ to make tellOe.
| To elevate the condition ofthe unemployed work
ingman: Higher him.
Have they got new baby over at Jonessg' mo
| they We got new piano
When we say that painting is horribly executed
| do we mean that it is badly hung?
The reason circus clown cracks Jokes is because
| they are so old they won't bear handling.
The wind bloweth where it listeth hut the patent
| medicine man bloweth on the street corner.
Jacob was the first court crier" When he kissed
| Rachel didn't he lit up his voice and weep?
The reason that persons file their marriage inten-
teutions is that everything may pass Otf smoothly
You can never estimate the amount of total depravi-
y tin can contains until 1t is tied to dogs tail
When a woman says: I've changed my mind.
why does she omit to tell us what she got in exchange
| for it?
| All the earth is filed with blessing but it has
| provokingly mean way of hiding itself in some
obscure place.
The young man who says, The world owes me a
living, will find: as he grows older, that debtors pay
| best when pushed.
The youth who speaks of his ineipient flzz as his
moustache, is giving to hairy nothing local hab-
tatiOn and name"
olemargarine would often pass for butter were it
not tor the absence of hair. It's always bald headed
and that gives it dead away.
The condor of the Andes is said to kill its prey with
its bill and the milliners of this country are trying
the same game on married men.
An Owego man. wishes to utilize a share of the
musical ability that was going TO waste in his home
recently purchased his mother-inlaw a mouth organ
Judge" See here, prisoner; if you do any more
lying you won't get off with three years y Prisoner
But Jedge: how many dye s'pose ye'd gimme if I'd
tell the troothT'
1t is astonishing how full four women can fill a
church pew made to accommodate six, when some
woman they don't like comes along the aisle looking
for place tC sit down.
What struck you as the most touching thing in the
academy?' asked alady ef youth who had just been
expelled from boarding school. THE teachers
rattan" sadly replied the boy.
An upcountry paper frantically propounds the con-
why. money is what people formerly paid their sub
scriptions in-before the cordwoOd plan came in
vogue.
"Why don't he come when the moon is fnIl g,istba
first line of a sentimental poem. We can only con-
ceiye two substantial reasons why he don't The first
that probably is not his desire and secondly il Is
possible that he is in the same condition the is
We'll" said an old maid, things have como to a
pretty pass with these nice young always flirting
with their handkerchies. Why girl can't wine her
nose on the street unless she starts whole line of
signals from every eornerp Then let her wipe her
nose on her sleeve, sung out dirty urchin stingon
a hre plug
One of eur prominent young lady readers recently
gave an entertanment in Boston, and was Introduced
TO the audience as Miss Morgan, the talented young
reader from Virginia cher native state) Be Jabers
| Nike said the Hibernan haekman. 10 a companion
after handing the lady into the carriage at the close
was afther the Bys in Blue. in sixty-wan beeorra,
she must hey bin small bit, nv a gurrl, thin
onyhow r'-Er.