Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1880-11-21
A WALKING PESTILENCE.
THE EDITOR WHO MADE THE FORTUNE OF THE
PATENT MEDICINE MAN.

ism that Peter Bones ran the Weekly Iat9Ae
geacer. The paper was well edited and model
of typographical nea:ness, but somehow
didn't succeed in the journalistic race with a
much more slow paced contemporary. Bones
tried every possible expedient to make his
journal a success but failed lamentably. His
office gradually became delapldated ruin
and his credit became SO shakey that he sub
sisted solely on the quarters Of pigs and hams
sent in by farmers for years subscription.
He would give likely agriculturist a year s
subscription and column advertisement
thrown in in exchange for shoulder of bacon
or a bushel of corn.
THE EDIToR's DESPAIR.
| One somewhat frosty afternoon IN Noyem-
Der, after he had bulliea printer out of ask
ing for his last months salary, man stepped
in and laying down a card, announced that he
was travelling agent of "Burglebots Celebrated
Medical Discovery"
could | insert column advertisement in
your live weekly fer eighteen dollars year?
Half cash at. the end of the year and half
| medicine; ad. to be next to reading matter
and two notices monthly.
The editor turned upon the man slowly.
/ at had one dollar column, cash in hand
for all the d. patent medicine ads [ have
printed would leave the internal country by
the next train. If it would help along the
sale of the drag and afford any relief for the
afflicted l would gladly print the ad for
nothing | have been doing that line of bus
mess for twelve years and am used to 1t.
THE EDITOR ENGAGED.
'Cheer up, my poor man, said the agent,
Have you an elastic conscience! can you lie
with grace and easel are you ready to sell
yourself to my firm for a period of years for
cash!'
ri know of nothing which would not do
fer the merest pittance.'
"Will you sign this?" said the agent.
The editor read a. follows:
OFFICE OF -.
This is to certify that six months ago | was
. hopeless wreck, having led life Of riot
ing, drunkenness and dsbauchery and utterly
unable to take care of myself. tried your
health and strength
GLOW much for signature?' said the edit
"Ten dollars.
He wrote his name in bold hand and
the agent put the document in his pocket
MAKES HOSPITAL Of HIMSELF.
''Would you mind signing certificate of
a cancer cure and making an affidavit that
you were cured. Twenty dollars is the
fee.''
"Bring on yeur cancer certificate, and |
notary public. 1 am here"
Would you mind engaging yourself to
the Company by the year, as sort of nova
BILE lazar house
"Consider me engaged You can depend
on me for any disease that is laid down in the
books. l will remain here and sign all the
blanks you send, or travel from place to
place.
The agent closed the bargain, and from
that time Bones was a man once more He
kept his part of the contract. He
wrote letters dated from all parts of the
and when particularly aggravated
case and its cure was wanted, he signed
bis name in bold letter, ''Peter Bones, editor
Of the Weekly intelligence, Bald Gulch, Ne
gada." Then came letters of inquiry from
he lame, halt, blu and dispeptic, asking
or his reference. He found no difficulty in
assuring each aud every one that he was the
identical man cured.
The medicine firm bent him to their own
weet will, and published pictures of him rep
esenting him as he looked before and after
aking. These horrible stereotyped cuts crept
nto thousands of newspapers all over the I
nited States, and Bones went through nine
asses Of cancer in the stomach, eleven seizures {
f quick consumption, innumerable liver
omplaints, dropsey in the brain, yellow fever
n five States, and continuous round Of e
eart disease, malaria, dyspepsia, Bright's f
idney complaint and softening of the brain. {
t ten dollars case, the editor furnishing s
is own af6davits. As permanent pesti- /
,nce he was known to the perusers of news t
apers all over the Great Republic and his g
'sebegone visage graced dozens of patent c
ledicine bottles in every drugstore in the f
md. His industry and perseverance was tt
IMPLY rewarded and in five years the poor, "
adavorous editor had built new house, n
o.a,,. ~:o4,no of loolth .nd oopton,n,on4 f.