The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1880-11-05
ALLEGED BITS Or WIT.

1
% Many man slips three cent piece in tn
=. contribution box with ten-cent air.-Otto
tca Republican.
The fall campaign can hardly be calle
! lively until ice forms on the pavement.-Yon
kers Statesman. -- '','7 .
And now Lady Godiva is said to be
myth--a bare falsehood as it were.-Bosto
Commercial Bulletin. '... ....' ..- -s
A naughty Philadelphia paper says the lat
marriage of an Illinois girl to negro was
ease of color-blindness. a
Noah organized the first Returning Board
In stocking the ark he admitted two of
kind and counted the rest out.
A country paper speaks of meteor "abou
as large as basket" The tail was probably
about as long as piece Of string. .
| "You can't play that on me-" said the pi
ano to the amateur who broke downin dif
ficult piece of music.-New York News. e.
1 A man in debt earnestly wishes that the
sign ts'Post no bills was inscribed on the
Postofiice building.-Chicago Inter- Ocean
Some Indians use scalping knives made Of
tortoise shell, probably on account of the old
fable of the tortoise getting away with the
hare. '@.i -.- .-..A "a' ."
?. We must make aslight change in the ad-
jective which has hitherto described the
Democrats. They are now the "Untariffied." !"
i-Ne" Haren Register. .''... s-.- p "
| Come into the stable, Maud,
| You've beaten two-eleven: <'
/ Come into the stable, Maud, a.
I'm in the seventh heaven.
! , ,,,, ". II. Vanderbilt.
| "You wouldn't take mans last cent for a
cigar, would you p". -..'Certainly I would, ,
replied the proprietor. "Well, here 1t is
them" passing over a cent, "hand me a
cigar" r.
Liquor is now brought into Marblehead,
Massachusetts,, and sold in, barrels labeled
"shoe heels" When Marbleheader gets a
barrel of medicine. in his cellar. he consid-
ers himself "well heeled,"nJ .......... ST
American influence. An Iowa weekly hay
ing circulation OF $50 copies feels its per-
feet right to commence anedtorial with Gas
we advised him last week, Gladstone is shap-
ing out a new policy."-Nep York Epening
Post. ~
certain Chinaman gave dinner party,
The viands were not quite to bis taste. He
rose from the table, asked to be excused for
q few moments, and left The room with the
remark: "Much lickee wife, This was
not in China.-Boston Transcript. r~
b &" Pears to me your mill goes awful slow"
said an impatient, farmer boy to miller: 81
could eat that meal faster than you grind it."
"How long do you think you could do it, my
lad" quoth she miller. 'Till starved to
DEATH" answered the boy.-Eostoa Trcn-
script adt ,s,I T-sE ftH.I ae zrIrd Gin EJ,.
. In Warren county, New Jersey, prime ap-
Piles are selling ior six cents harrell, or lees,
than three cents bushel. Think of it, fell
low mortals, six cents barrelll And one
appleiwas potent enough at one time to upset
the whole human family. How are the
mighty falleni mill r1; .sSmiL GlGgoli,aJ
AMemphis man wanted to kill musquito
on the back Of a friends neck, and without
stopping to msntion his design hit the insect
a belt, and when his friend got up and brush;
ed the sand out Of his eyes aud mouth i.
took foor men to hold him while the matter
was explained. r.'tafl i.24 @'a @f.1A-& Il
"sAny good shooting on your farm ?" asked
a hunter OF farmer. "Splendid," replied
the agriculturist. .'There's drive-well
man down in the clover meadow, cloth ped
dler at the house, a candidate down at the
barn and twotramps at the stock yard. Climb
right over the fence, young man, load both
barrels and sail in -, .'-.. -24
f"sTbe ,cheapness of the American newspa-
peris simply wonderful" said George Angus
tus Sala in recent speech in London. We
should smile.r There is the Conway, Arkan-
sas, Trareler, for instance, which calls the |
Republican party . yellow dog, mongrel,
two faced, pop-eyed, Hat-nosed gang of mar
auders-all for 81 year in advance. q,
- "Prisoner, now advise you that instead of |
IclyfiS upou Hcw bfidi, vi buc ffitcgfcitioh L
Of friends, or the interposition of the Execu-
tive, you go to the solitude Of your cell and
take and read that holy Book wherein you
will learn 10 rely on him who said: t"Come
unto me, all ye that are heavy laden, and
will--do the best can for you." His honor,
pc. ,eiying smile spreading over the faces of
bis listeners, added, ssor words to that effect"
Professor Newton says the newly discov-
cred planet Is not that of 1872, and that 1t
will not attain any great brilliancy. Has 1t
ever occurred to the general public that the
comets discovered by our astronomers since
he close of the war have all been miserable
failures, not worth ten Gems on the dollar,
regular side-or spide-show affairs, andtha
he business might just as well be abandon
ed? When man has either to buy or bor-
row a thousand dollars worth Of telescope in
order to get glimpse Of one of those celes-
;ial fiuds 1t were better that the discoverer
lid not advertise the concern. What we do
want is comet with tail stretching half
way across the heavens admission free
children half price. Norristo,rn Eerrld.
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