Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1880-06-30
NO. 158.
Mistellaneous.
A RICH HAT STORY.

Probably the mcanest trick that was
ever played ON white man was played
last week in this city. and the fact there is
no vigilance committee here is the only
reason the perpetrators OF the trick are
alive. A business man had purchased
new stiff hat. and he went into saloon
with halt u DOZEN friends TO tit the hat on
his head. They all took beer and passed
the hat around so that all could see it.
One of the meancsi men that ever held
country office went 10 the bartender and
had thin slice Of limbcrgcr cheese cut
off. and when the party were looking at
the frescoed ceiling through beer glasses.
this wicked person Slipped the cheese un-
der the swea,-leather oi the hat. and the
man put il on and walked out. The man
who owned the hat is one of your nervous
people who is always complaining OF be-
ing sick. and who feels rs though some
dreadful disease was going 10 take pos
session of him and carry him of. lle
went back to his place of business. took
of his hat and laid il on the table, and
proceeded 10 answer letters. lie thought
he detected a smell. and when his partner
asked him ii he didn't feel sick, he said
he believed he did. A clerk said IL was
evident that somebody's feet needed wash
ing. The man turned pale. and said he
guessed he would go home.
He met man on the sidewalk who said
the air was full Of miasma. and in the
street car man who sat next to him
moved away 10 the end oi the ear. and
asked il he had just come from Chicago.
The man with the hat said he had not,
when the stranger said they were having
n great deal OF small pox there. and he
guessed he would get out and walk, and
he pulled the bell and jumped off,
The cold Precipitation broke out on the
forehead of the man with the new hat,
and he took it off to wipe mis- forehead,
when the whole piece Of cheese seemed
to roll over and breathe. and the man got
the full benefit Of il. and he came near
fainting away. He got home, and his
wife met him and asked him what was the
matter. lie said he believed modification
had set in. aud she took one Whit, as he
took off his hat, and she said she should
think it had.
Where did you get into it?" said she.
Get into il P" said the man, 81 have not
got into anything, but some deadly disease
has got hold of me. and | shall not live"
She told him if any disease that smelled
like that had got hold of him. and was to
become chronic. she felt as though he
would be burden to himself if he lived
very long. She got his clothes off, soaked
his feet in mustard water. and he slept.
The hat was lying on the center table,
and the children would come in and get
smell of il and look at each other with re-
proachful glances. and 60 out and play.
The man slept and dreamed that small
pox flag was hung in front OF his house,
and that he was riding in butcher way
on to the pest-house. The woman sent
for doctor. and when the man Of pills
arrived she told him all about the case.
The doctor picked up the patients new
hat, tried it on. and got snuff. lie said
the hat was picked before it was ripe.
The doctor and the wife held post-mor-
tenn examination of the hat. and found the
slice of limberger. Few and short were
the prayers they said.'' They woke the
patient, and TO prepare his mind for the
revelation that was about to be made the
doctor asked him il his worldly affairs
were in satisfactory condition. He
gasped and said that they were. The
doctor asked hiin if he had made his will.
He said that he had not. but that he want
ed a lawyer sent for AT once. The doctor
asked il he telt as though he was prepared
| to shuttle oil. The man said he had al
ways tried to lead different life. and had
tried to be done by the same ~ he would
do it himself, but that he might have made
mistake someway, and that he would
| like to have a minister sent for 10 take an
account Of stock.
Then the doctor brought to the bedside
the hat, opened up the sweat leather and
showed the dying man what it was that
smelled so, and told him he was as well
as any man in the city. The patient
pinched himself to see If he was alive.
and jumped ont Of bed and called for his
revolver, and the doctor couldn't keep up
with him on the way down town. The
last we saw of the odoriferous citizen he
WAS irving to bribe the bartender to tell
him which one Of those pelicans It was
that put that slice Of cheese in his hat
/ lining, Little Rock Gazene.