Connecticut western news., 1880-01-07
WIT AND WISDOM.
Bees cell their own honey.


 A rooster's head is generally well combed.
 The atmosphere of beer shop is apt to be muggy.
 Give soap the lye and it cleans out all of the dirt in sight.
 If you ever have a little pig you can give it whey and still keep 1t.
 One of our exchanges is. advertising for an honest boy to make devil of.
 Some men arc like postage stamps; they will never stick to anything till they are thoroughly licked.
 Says old Father Christmas to tue farmer If you have any steers to shed, prepare to shed them now"
 It was Beranger who said, gro love is to be useful to yourself; to cause love is to be useful to others"
 The hard fighting in India contin- ues, but the fighting isn't half so hard . as the names they are fighting about.
 =" That's what beats me-" as the boy said when he saw his father take the skate strap down from its accustomed nail.
 You can tell man who has lived in city by the way he yells "police l" The more he has seen of tEem the more faintly he calls.
 "A Broadway engraver recently made this mistake "Mr. and Mrs. - re- spectfully request your presents at the marriage of their daughter"
 A drunken man at Fort Worth, Tex, entered 8 circus and patted the big lion on the head. The arm he has lett will do to turn hsnd-organ.
 Lady to married friend, who has been telling -han-all- -ahnut their traYela =" Wei, my dear, what struck you most during your trip?' Married friend "My husband.
 =" How nice this corn pops," said young man who was sitting with his sweetheart before the fire on Christmas Eve. "Yes, she responded, demurely, "it's got over bsing green"
 Leave out those who talk about what they don't know and those who know what they don't talk about, and how much smaller would the population of Delaware be than that of any other State
 Australia would be good place for the next walking match. Allvictims of the pedestrian mania should be forced to enter, and the prize should be given to the man or woman who walked all the others to death.
 The Philadelphia Chronicle Her0ld says that the first dark night after Christmas hundreds of Philadelphia ministers went sneaking down town try ing to swap bag full of fancy slippers for pair of stout boots.
 -"I I am the oak you are the vine, remarked an ardent though silly lover to his Marianne. "Let the vine, there fore creep around the oak until it reaches the topmost leaves" tAnd finds nothing there," exclaimed the heartlcss beauty.
 The papers are constantly telling us how to live on $2 week. It is un- doubtedly very difficult problem, but by no means the most difficult. The I world would be far wiser and happier if some brilliant genius would only tell us how to get the $2.
 A clergyman, in speaking of one of his parishioners who wes so gwen to argument that it was difficult to com verse with him on any subject, said !" Brother - is so argumentative that he will dispute with a guidepost about the distance to the next town, and argue with tombstone as to the truth of his epitarh."
 A Boston man was once riding with friend in the vicinity of his adored city, when they came upon milestone bearing the inscription: "1 m. from l Boston," ssAhl" he exclaimed, with dignified emotion, "here is the grave of some poor soul who, wearied with the ffivolities and perplexities of life, has lain down to rest beneath the touching inscription "I'm from Boston,"
 The train had just emerged from tunnel, and a vinegar-faoed maiden of 35 summers remarked to her gentleman companion, "tunneis are such bores -which nobody can deuy. Bata young lady of about sweet IS, who sat Tn the seat immediately in front of the ancient party, adjusted her hat, brushed her frizAs back, and said to the psrfumed young man beside her: "I think tun- nels are awfully nice."
 There is many financial genius in this world who has discovered three or four ways in which the national debt can be paid as easily as necromancer finds a handkerchief in loaf of bread, who has not succeeded iu finding even one way in which bis own debts can be paid. Theories are beautiful things, but healthy bank account ia far more satisfactory. The necromancer never : yet pulled handkerchief out of loaf without having first pat it there, and no man ever paid his honest debts without having worked for the money to do it with.