The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1880-04-30

NAn aucfioneef Is man Oh IBOTUhl Ga$tcSs
There are nahageFies, but no women
ageries.
A bad style oil arithnietie-ilivision
among families.
The first-prize trick1cat Iii the Boston
Feline Congress was named ''Uncie SAM
N.Y.
A dead whale drew big audiences In
New York, but the Wall-street sharks can
discount him.
Sensible married men always depend on
their better halves, when they want to
change their quarters.
It sometimes, occurs in the Thespian
hensehs that q uebulolIs aggregation Of
G6nceifs q rnistaken fdt a .staS. y : 4s.-s.ssssss
ffie editer OF tiie Del Norte Record Wish
es to purchase 40J boot jacks. Cats must
be very numerous in his back yafif
New English racing rule In all cases
the horse that comes In first shall be de-
clared the winner, provided he Is not a
bloody Namericap.
The latest sweet thing in the song line
is entitled. kiss me Quickly, Birdie Dar-
ling" It is described as serio .eomic-the
serio part probably beginning upon the
arrival of the old man.
A cunning correspondent tried to pitt
the New York Sun in a hole by inquiring:
'sCan a man in this country marry his
widows sister - The reply was ssrhere
is no law against it,
The New Orleahs Ptcuyttne is authority
for the statement that when Emma Abbott
kisses her Romeo the sound is so start
ling that the stage-carpenters think the
balcony is breaking down.
a yourg lady sent poem entitled s'I
Can Not 1fake Him Smile, to a British
newspaper: Iiie editor ventures TO cx-
press tl,e obfnton that she would haYe sue:
ceeded fad she shown him the poem.
A Candidate for the nomination for Gov
erncf Of Missouri is down With The measles
caught in kissing tie giFf baby of a dele
gate to the contention. The opposition
papers are poking fun at it in rhyme.
In the United States about 400 news.
papers style themselves s'Journala,' 275
Democrats about rs cash ;'figralds''
.'Gazetr.s" and .tRepnblicans,' 100
'.Times," 16O News" and 13O press
es.''
A fashion journal says that sssome of the
new satin brocadetl stnffs are frightened
with gold threads. and these goods take
the name of clotl, OF gold'' The heads of
the nel. who pay for them ;asae saea lbFixhE-
encd with silver threads. 8
s'As for me-" cried NJ. Chesnelong in
the chamber of deputies during the debate
on Article Seventh, Il lay my hand on my
conscience as a christian, Frenchman,
a father OF family, and push away that
law, every bit OF it,
It is feared that Colonel I'rejevalsky. the
Russian explorer in Central Asia, is lost
and the ditly consolation in the case is that
Count Bella Szsciicnyi, who is iii search OF
him, is also in a FAIR way to disappear.
The removal of Kiissidn natnes from the
English language can never be regretted.
There is nothing new untIer the SIM
which is not an old thing in China. Nj
hiIism in all its doctrines and practices
was invented by Wang-ngan-Teche, Chi
nese ciiief. born in io27, who reduced It to
socialistic system, and in 1869 Wang
ngan-Tche was the most powerful man In
the empire next to the emperor.
The Harvard Athletic Association has
established an amateur prize ring. A
couple OF young MEN belonging to that
ancient scdt of learning p,lmmeled each
other few days dgo go that their respec-
tive maternal aneetors could not have re-
cognized them. and yet there are old
Eogies in this coiintfy WHO SHY that the
cause of education is not adSaacihE.
In the national hymn which tile Mar
quis of Lorne lits jti<t written tor Canada
he mades ''Dominion'' rhyme With .sUni-
on'' his very first rhyme, which he re-
peats several times, ssterrors': with mir
rors. - ''npon her. with ''honor,'' s.nur-
''ours. - ''sorest" witt. t.forest'' and ..glo
ry'' with sso,er ye'' No one outside o.
royal family could do this and escape a
clubbing.
Sweets to the sweep s'And whin wu',
yer be gettin' up. sor Sure. watt to
come up and swape.' Undergrad ..Oh
go way gooiy. When you come up and
sweep. III get up and dust -
This is the latest for wedding invitations
Come around and see us capture mother
in-laws at eight o'clock. sharp
The grocer offered him a frozen ham.
bnt Inc said he'd rather not take the cold
shoulder from any one.
a witty lady being Asked her opinion of
mosistathes. repliesl II have ALWAYS set nv
face against thetn.''
It is the shine with tile rfieff rs with, epos
You can't tell whether they are good ar
bad till they re broke.
First Trate Fenale-I'd hate To he In
your shoes.'' Second ditto-.Y ou couliln.t
get in them t''
mo na'am. . .aid tile grocer to nm an
plicant for credit. II wouldn't trust nv
own feelings.'' .-.s
Greet all the brethren . SAYS 81. PAM.
with holy kisa.,e s.NoskI yef,v. ). - gs
the Chicago Jouraal, <.will 81 many nas.
tors misinferpret the worl brethren pr
A man IN Texas shot five faIen. and No
attention was paid to II, but one 9iav -
stole mule. and in less than Al, ho,sr tl,s
infnrIated citizens hanged him. s -
Oteftom 10 guilty az the worst We IL -
heard He says his wife PuliF Ann rsras -
him ali the mi1sfC ha vRagSkss esSsS = - -