The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1880-10-06
OUR WASHINGTON LETTER.
tFRoA Orr SPECIAL CoRnEspoNDENr)


" AsHlNcIcN, sept -clii, loot.
This delightful weather, which
still fingers with US, seeming to SET
the grim equinoctials at defiance
and forbidding the least breath ot
autumn TO tinge the trees in oul
city squares with the slightest sign
of death and decay, is very favora-
bic to the awful infliction quiet citi-
zens are called upon to bear in the
shape of the dreadful torchlight
professions, just at present deemed
necessary by both political parties tc
strengthen the lukewarm or to pros
elyte the apposing votes. Besides
these political professions at night
we are inflicted by crowds of naval
officers from Annapolis who come to
Washington occasionally to all
themselves and have n time Of it
West Point sends her contribution
and they get misunderstood all
around" as one did hunting his WAY
home the other night.
He was a dapper looking little
fellow, as stright as n rule, with his
coat buttoned tightly, slight mus
tache a year old, and the wearer
about thirty year sold.
The moon was full too-but he
appeared happy as-although it
was 2 o'clock-he was singing Ben
ny Hawens" in low tone. This,
outside of his appearance and his
being fuddled, vouched for his mill
tary education. He stopped at the
door of an enterprising druggist, at
the West End, who has a large and
selected stock, consisting of four
ounces of blue mass, ten ounces of
quinine, Il soda-fountain and fifteen
barrels of whiskey and gently knock
ed. No respose. He knocked again,
still there was no response. Then,
remembering how persistent Grant
was in the Wilderness, he knocked
most tremendously with a brick-bat
No answer.
"Well," " said he, 81 propose TO get
in here as sure as guns are iron ;"
and he knocked most terrifioally.
No sound from within, and he kept
pounding at a terrible rate. Just
across the way an honest citizen in
his night-gear stepped out on his
bay window and said:
"Why, bless my soul, what can
be the matter, somebody ill?"
"Of course" said his next door
neighbor.
There was an ancient maiden
lady, a lodger at the bay windowed
house. in the third story, who had
a third set of teeth and parrot, a
cat, a squirrel, a canary, a mocking
bird, a dog, and a position in the
Treasury, and her hair twisted in a
a little knot about the size of wal
nut on the back of her head, who re-
moved the screen from her window
and looked out with great caution to
see what was the matter. Just
across at the corner another neigh
Dor, who is a little profane, ripped
out fearful camp-meeting oath.
and said he would be eternally bles-
sed if something ought not to be
done to awaken that druggist; then
raising his voice he shouted:
Il say you!"
well, sir?" calmly replied the
knocker.
"You want to get in the drug
shop?"
"0f course | do, my friend, you
don't suppose I'm knocking here for
exercise, at o'clock in the morning,
do you?"
"Then I'll be everlastingly COM
pletely dod-rotted, if | don't tell YOU
how YOU can get in.
well, sir?"
Just take my breech-loader:
here it is; / can reach it down to
you, and fire both barrels through
the key hole"
"Oh, my friend, that wouldn't do.
| thank you for the suggestion heart
lily, but it might kill the proprietor.
There's no great hurry. ! can knock
a little longer. | have no doubt but
that the proprietor is sleeping. He
will wake soon," and he knocked
away.
There was stout married lady
at another window who looked like
one arrayed for a sheet-and-pillow-
case party, who suggested that if she
were a man she would be down and
waken that druggist in short order:
but it appeared to be the general
impression that it would be a long
time ere she came to mans estate
unless her husband should make
over his property to her, which
would be an Unprecedented thing in
the District of Columbia, so her
suggestion amounted to nothing.
A little blonde, in another house
and window, who had been married
but a few month and was borrowing
a world Of trouble, spoke quite low
to the stout lady: Mrs. Jones. do
YOU think its"
''Of course" replied the stout la
day, that's the matter, and that
sleepy headed BOBBY in that drug
shop is snoring"
Il wonder who his physician is?n
asked the little blonde.
"Oh, my child, that makes but
little difference; wonder who his
nurse is?n
a gentleman who lived next door
OF very mild manners, and slept in
the front parlor, opened his blind
and asked, 'if twas case of croup?n
No my friend" calmly replied
the knocker, Il am not a baby
The stout lady and the maiden
lady and the blonde and the swear.
ing man and all the rest of The
listeners only heard the word "baby
and they knew then what was the
matter.
Il told you so,' said the stout
Lady, and the little blond grew SO
excited oyer the druggists DELAY that
she became hysterical.
The swearing man asked: II
say, you. Is it the first?n
beg pardon" replied the knock
er.