The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-10-14

4Ns d. i2eutS heetIttu JW LShtNSs
In pursuance Of this notice the citizen.
of Asia Minor rallied as one man and ont
woman at the Garden Of Eden at the time
mentioned.
Adam Man, Esq, was appointed Chair.
man, and, on taking his seat, returned
thanks for the honor conferred upon him
in neat speech. With view OF gain
ing the favor OF the softer sex Madame
Eve Was appointed Secretary.
The Hon. Subtle Sarpeant (who for reas.
ons best known to himself declined ani!n-
vitation to lay aside the long black ulster
which he wore and which entirely con-
cealed his feet) then rose, and, alter intro.
ducing himself ina few graceful and in
sinuating remarks, proceeded TO address
the meeting. Fellow citizens OF Asia
Minor, he began In a mellow, mellitluons
voice, 81 appear before you at this time in
the interest OF reform, and, therefore, to
urge you to inaugurate change in the
administration Of affairs. lgrantyou that
the land which you possess flows with
milk and honey, that the soil ia so kindly
that the crops are self-producing, that you
have plenty and TO spare, that times were
never better with you; bat, nevertheless,
let US have change"
At this point the Chairman OF the meet.
ing interrupted the speaker and inquired
what be had to offer in place OF the good
times which he purposed to supersede.
f"Can you guarantee me and mine a more
abundant prosperity" pointedly asked
Mr.. Man, aThink you that you have it in
your power to make two blades Of grass
grow where one is growing now? Do you
stipulate that all the clover, II We agree
to support you, will be iive-leaved? Are
your birds in the bush as plump and easily
to be got at as our birds in the hand?
Are you quite sure you do not invite your
tellow.citlzens OF Asia Minor to exchange
smiling certainty for an ill.detined and
vague uncertainty"
Mr.. Sarpeant, after some hesitation, re.
piled that he had not the time TO answer
all the questions that had been put TO him
categorically; he would say, however,
that he considered nothing venture
nothing gain" good motto, and could not
put feel that person who was capable Of
framing such interrogatories as those
which Mr.. Man had put TO him would
probably be too foolish TO aim to grow
rich by purchasing lottery tickets. He
then continued his address: "Fellow-
citizens OF Asia Minor, can you shut your
eyes to the one vital issue OF the hour?
You may not have noticed II, but you are
the victims Of loathsome Capitalization,
a Capitalization no deep.sealed, so fragrant,
so immoral, so absolutely hideous that"
Just here the Secretary Of the meeting
broke in and wanted to know II the Hon.
Sarpeant would be good enough TO define
Capitalization for her.
For answer the gifted advocate OF
change Tor the sake OF change blnshed,
put his hand TO his forehead, bit his nails,
coughed, nibbled lozenge, and then
stammered out that the definition OF Cen
tralization had escaped him. Eve bowed,
remarked, Thanks, it is OF no con.
sequence," and fell to laughing violently
behind her fan. Pretending not to be
aware OF her conduct the orator once more
took up the broken threads OF his ad-
dress. ~ ask you, fellow.citizens, to rise
superior to these casual coHundrums that
are being put TO me and consent to make
q change. Try 1t just this ouce and let US
postpone arguments Ia regard TO the pro-
priety OF the action until alter action is
taken-tbat Ia to say, TO more conVe.
nient season. summon you TO cast your
votes in behalf OF the party that points
you to the Tree OF knowledge OF Good
and Evil. 1t Is tree that l can confidently
recommend to you. ] am aware that it
will be claimed by the other side that you
are already in possession OF all the
apples that you need-all the varieties
That are healthy for you; that you have
the run OF unsurpassed aud unsurpassable
orchards. am also aware that it will be
urged 10 your hearing that the party that
is so solicitous to have you make change
for the sake Of change has a record
which demands that he should be abso.
luteIy dispredited when he attempts to
work of his layorite hrapi Of apples upon
/ Inc nubIic. You will be oounselled that
| Il il the part Of observation-disclosures to stick
10 the apples you have and am frank
10 confess that they are rosy-cheeked,
sound, fine favored bouncers-rather
than 10 fly to fruit that you know not OF,
and which, it will be claimed, Judging from
the career OF the party that peddles 1t, 10
most likely 10 be evil irnit. But entreat
YOU, fellow citizens oil Asa Minor, that
you will turn deaf ear, a stit neck, cold
shoulder and hard heart to all such sug-
vestious. Those that make them are more
concerned TO conserve the veal OF the en-.
tire Garden than OF any particular tree.
In other words, they are pronounced Sec
tionAlists."
Mr.. Sarpeant proceeded in this vein for
over two hours, and then resumed his
seat. The citizens OF Asia Minor, while
sill under the spell Of his SEDUCTIVE elo.
Quence, talked the matter over for the pur-
pose OF deciding what they should do in
The premises. :.
Madame Eve proposed that the audi.
ence agree to go in for change for the
sake OF change. "Let's try these new
apples, ;" said she to Mr.. Man. "Mr. Sar-
peaut Is very fluent, promising persons,
and il it be true that no has conducted
himself disGsacelully In the pastI that he
has been piIloried by history for organic
ing rebellion against the best oil govern.
ments, is 1t not our duty TO give him his
way in order to conciliae himT You can
do as as you choose, but |, for one, do not
propose to render myself liable TO be adj
dressed at my next reception as party
OF hate"
Mi. Man listened to her with corrugated
brow, and when she had ceased speaking
remarked: ~ am perfectly willing to give
reasonable aid and comfort TO a party thai
il under cloud for his own deliberate
wtong.doing. But 1t seems TO me VI
ought 10 take care that in encouraging Mr.
Sarpeant We arc not Just too awtully dis
coursging to our own prospects. Sell.pres
ervation is the first law Of nature alike to
,, the individual and for the community, ant
am strong in the opinion that we woult
. climb to the Chimborazo heights Of Toll!
-Iu in our dealings with Subtll