Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1880-04-15
The American Hip Pocket.
Reasons fSP Rei0RAlDg 10 Ate
getheR.


bOsoboa DkUewSeoeS % NJ. WssoeU.
Glass bottles are obviously unsuited to
the hip pocket. and some Of the best citizens
Of the Western States have been severly cut
and have lost great quantities Of whiskey by
diregarding this fact
Mr.. Withers is not a Western man, and is
wholly unacqusinted With vhiskey; but his
recent experience Of the incompatibility OF
hip pocket and glass bottles Vas very painful
and embarrassing He had returned to his
Orange country home from q brief visit to
New York. and had brought with him as a
present for Miss Wilson-,o whom he was
betrothcd--a bottle Of that remark able
cement which is sold by sidewalk merchants.
and which is BY them represented as being
much stronger than wrought iron. II had
occurred TO him that this cemen, would be a
very nice thing 10 have in his future house,
since with il all sorts Of broken china and
glass could be mended. and every one knows
,ha, children will break great deal Of china
On the evening Of his arrival home. he put
the cement bottle in his hip pocket and
called on Miss Wilson, intending to offer i,
10 her as soon a. he entered the house
Mr.. Wiihers was ardenily attached TO the
Young lady. and when he saw her before him
be not unna;urally forgot all about such
merely earthly matters as cement. The old
people welcomed him politely, and after a
few moments Of conyeYsation, withdrew with
4 discretion which il is 10 be wished that all
old people would emulate. Being Of fru-
gal mind. and knowing that the meyciful
Young man should be merciful TO his intend
ed father -in-law in point Of kerosene bills.
Mr.. Withers promptly turned down the
lamp and proceeded to make himself a,
home.
The bottle was a stout one. and would,
perhaps, have withs,ood any ordinary
pressure. but As Miss Wilson weighed fully
hundred and forty pounds. and as the back
Of the small rocking chair was of hard wood
it is no, strange that the bottle yielded Mr.
Withcrs was so much interested in the
weather and other subjects such A. usually
absorb the attention Of Young men in his po-
si,ion. tia, be did no, notice the breaking OF
the glass, and il was not until an hour later
ihs, false alarm Of father in the front hall
induced Miss Wilson 10 hse to the sofa. and
suggested to Mr.. Wi;hers the adyisabiiity Of
turning up The lamp.
The eemen, had done It's work, and Mr.
Withers did not &c; up to attend 10 the light.
but requested the young lady 10 discharge
this duty for him. She did so. and then no.
,iced his panied and preoccupied expression.
To her anxious inquiries he admitted that he
icl, little faint. and would like glass Of
water Miss Wilson hurriedly wen; for the
water. rcproaching herself for being so heavy.
and accusing herself Of selfshness and wan,
Of consideration. In her absence the Young
man made superhunan efforts TO wrench HIM
..if loose. but the eemen; refused to yield.
Vhsn Mss Wilson returned with the glass
Of YatrT. ka looked so much worse tha, she
va. yeehy Iighteasd. and he was compelled
To tel! hsG .he real st.t4 Of the case.
She xas . p.a1iioI ssTson, and she
promptly proposed ~ set tea kettle of hot
water and dissolve the esmsnt, but desisted
when he explained to her that hi, .ystem
would not bear the application OF y sier at
the boiling point She then timidly sug
ge.,ed that Il she wer. to call PA, perhap.
Pa might lend YOU pair :" but Mr.. Withers
said no: he could not bear the notification
Of beng found in such situation by any
father IL was finally agreed that he should
wait untI late hour and should then take the
char home with him. This waS accordingly
done, and had not the unfortunate Young man
been arrested by loeai constable, who onl,
discharged him when a severe test proved
,,,, sis possession Of the chair vas purely in
raI',n his misfortune might never have
t t ~ known. Whsn disasters
.roS =. s.i.'". s,.'. 'Als 10 happen To the
~, I arc 'i-- becomes doubtful
tA.t.u y. mp PosNeS' nhazasdou.
=. -ei '4ie! aie NOT altogether I. 'n,i.irs
Tor general use. In fact, good aut.. !,
maintain that the hip poke, i. positive.
detrimental, and that an earnest and united
sd'r' should be made to procure ex,irpa-
ton.