South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-05-14
WIT AND HUMOR

a school-teacher who had lust been
telling the story Of David, ended with,
And all this happened over three thou.
sand years ago." A little cherub. its
blue eyes opening wide with wonder
said, alter u moments thought. oh dear
marm' what memory you have go.r'
Emmie was sen. to the grocer's for a
pound OF mild cheese. In i few minutes
she returned, crying rs if her heart would
break. "What is tho matter, nv dear 2
asked her mother, somewhat alarmed
Il don't care-they were real mean. -
she answered. "Who ~ "Whv, all of
them they just laughed at me-the
clerks and everybody. Laughed at
you. my child; why. what did you ask
Tor = II asked for pound of cain.
cheese" she said, between her sobs.-
The fact was that Emmie had learned
that day at school that "mild" meant
calm" and the first chance she got she
used the new word.
An illiterate farmer, wishing To enter
some animals at an agricultural exLibi.
ton wrote as follows to the Secretary Of
the society: Enter me, also, for a lack.
ass" And he took the prize.
a man passing through gate in the
dark ran against a post. 81 wish that
post was in the lower regions" was his
angry remark. 'Bettcr wish it was
somewhere else" said a bystander. You
might run against it again"
Maybe there isn't any God for the
United States" said Canadian mavor
to Bob lDgersoll, "but there's one for
canada; and you can't have no hall in
this town TO defame Him.
MEALS AT ALL HoURs."-Jobn For
roster was very correctly named, for un.
I'll lew days ago he had spent his life
In the woods. Several days ago he threw
aside bis maui, came to the city, and now
handles the somewhat lighter rock ham
mer. The story Of Johns downfall shall
be briefly related. Shortly after arriy.
ing IN the city. he was attracted by q
sign bearing the inscription meals at
all hours. Entering the place s. meet.
ing the proprietor, he said:
You keep tavern here, don't YOU p
NO. Keep restaurant.
Il don't know much about Your new
names; but you feed folks here, don't
your
Yes. sir
Well, L want to board here three DAYS.
or reckon until get lob of some
KIND. see your sign says, meals at oil
hours You don't mean that, do YOU p
certainly | mean it. I'll board YOU
three days for three dollars
And you'll give Inc my meals at all
hours?'
Yes
Here take the three dollars. never
set myself up for u regular eater, but IN
buck agin you for the next three davs
think that can stand her about that
i1nS. lts eleven o'clock, give me some
thing to elt.'
a meal was brought out and quickly
dispatched and remarking that lie would
ec back on time, Mr. Forester left. AT
twelve O'clock he Came back and ate A.
gam. You needn't stare at me- he said
to one OF the walters.
on are regular boarder are youp'
Inc reguarcst one you've got. don't
intend to miss meal. I've got q chance
now to get even for bcin' hungry many |
a time
AT one o'clock. John came back and
remarked as he hung up his hat: I'm
on time. It's one o'clock. Fetch me
to cat
Ihe waiter went away muttering, and |
brought in rather slim meal.
Look a here said John, don't trv
to so back on your contract. reckon
you did undcrratc my ability, but I'm
Il man.
AT two o'clock John came back and
TOOK seat. The proprietor came in and
asked him what he wanted?
L want my dinner. supper or break
last, Jast what you are mind to call it,
You have already eaten here three
times to-day
Il know that
why do you come again 2
Because it's o'clock
1T is not supper time.
mo, but it's o'clock time
L doh t understand you, sir; what DO
you mean
Your understanding may have been
injured ny my surprising ability. | came |
mere with the understanding that | was
to have meals at ali hours
The contract has been adhered TO
You have come irrogu!arly.
No sir, Two come here regular. II
was the agreement that was TO have y
meal every hour, and am going TO stand
lP 10 1T II 1T packs nv stomach as tigbt
IS a green watermelon. You are irvine
% pose on me because I'm from the
have made arrapements
NTH boy to wake me up every hour to-
lighe' and I'm coming here TO eat
Ihats my busine ss now, and I'll act fair
with you and cat every time. Give mo
M oyster can OF coffee and some hall
5assagc.' ~ O'''
The proprietor handed the man three
lollars and requested him TO leave. A
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