The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-12-30
WIT AND HUMoR.

Ute Indians buy garters to wear
around their necks.
Boston brides at hotel tables are said
to chatter in bad French.
King Alfonso. of Spain, it is said,
loves to read English history.
''Ghastly jolly" is the very latest
fashionable slang in England.
A man always wants his boil some
where else.
Worth, the modiste, is for measures,
| not men.
The Hotel Maa says that the fiend of
the period is the paper-stealer in hotel
reading-rOoms.
The meanest girl in the universe lives
in Philadelphia. Pa she said, Il
do wish you would lend me your lovely
red nose to paint my cheeks with
'.Lic? well, guess he does lie," said
his neighbOr Jones. ''Why, he's So
fond of lying that he won't let clock
strike right in his house."
care you lost, my little fellow?" ask
ed a gentleman of 4-year-old one day
in Rochester. ''No," he sobbed in re-
ply; ''b-but my mother is"
A boy employed in barber shop at
Bar Harbor called out the other morn
ing, ''Where is that man who wanted
the gentleman to shave him?''
Scene in an oyster house: ''See
here, these oysters are spoiled"
That's all right; put in twice as
many on that account. ."-BOStOn
Globe.
Freddy Miles, of Cleveland, aged 4,
accompanied his parents to church. On
entering they kneeled and bowed low.
AS they resumed their seats, thus spoke
Master Fred: ''Is you 'fraid cause God
is here?' ''Why, no, child!' ''Then
what makes you hide?"
The late DIR. Bethune asked a mOrOse
and miserly man how he was getting
along. The man replied: What bust
ness is that of yours?'' Said the doc
tor: "Oh, sir, 1 am one of those who
take an interest even in the meanest of
Gods creatures.
A couple of red-nosed old topers were
complimenting each other on their tenn
perance, when one asked the other:
''Have you ever seen me with more
than could carry?" ''No, but l have
seen you when l thought you had bet
ter 60 twice after it, was the reply,
The Hindoos have an idea that all
souls are small: In the German folk
lore they are known as ''thumblings."
A quiet observation of human nature
under certain circumstances-as, for in
stance, when the contribution box is
being passed-shows that the idea is
not entirely without foundation.-Ne,c
York Herald.
'sWhat is your religion, Mr.. Glibber?"
asked the landlady of her new bOarder.
'.Meat three times day." was the re-
ply that startled the good woman, and
put her in revcrie us to whether the
man was Il heathen, or had misunder-
stood the question.
''Do not marry a widOwer," said the
old lady. "a ready-made family is like
plate of cold potatoes" ''Oh, I'll
soon warm them over" replied the
damsel, and she did.-Syill,cater Lunt-
herman.
An ingenious Rhode Island man has
discovered use for the despised milk
weed, and this fact gives rise to the
hope that some benefactor of his race
will find use for the small but diaboli-
cal boy who always wants to sit in the
parlor when you call on his sister.
The gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer safe
to pieces to secure fourteen cents, know
something how a country minister feels
next day after donation.--DetroH
Free Press.
A New York paper gives the infor-
nation that there are scarcely any old
maids in Russia, and we do not wonder
at it. Russia is cold and disagreeable
country. Most any man would fore
swear his liberty sooner than get up
and kindle the fires in climate where
the mercury remains congealed nine
months in the year.