Smyrna times., 1880-06-23
WHOLE NO, 1903.
Current Opinion.
PHILADELPHIA EyENING NEWS.

t'4ciI4 IbI Il week alleTWarU
When boy IS born in Ohio now II
parents select 4 name which viii SON,
well on presidential ticket.
This j, the season when the vo,rr -
pays the barber for making his head 81
Ike billiard ball covered with peach fl
II, as Professor Chapman say.. tho j,
phant is only great b.g mouse tboro ~,
De some truth III that mouse and ,nou,,t.,i1
story.
baId,hsaded men may he interested
showing thaL the common house nv who
alarmed flies nearly thirty-Gye feet IN i
second Of time.
Fruit culturists e>pend so much Of tn
energy trying TO increase the siza Of .bI
strawberries that they nave no time left N
increase the size Of the baskets.
4 Philadelphia census t4ker <ayy h.
surprised at the large number Of fIIi.cr.y
idiots he found. Every soul-v.yaee,l wom1
ne met SAID her husband was an idio!.
Nature evidently intended that wopo
should look prcttier after marriage than J,
fore. There are plenty Of frecklence
girls, but irockle.iaced married women :. r
rare.
1t is remarkable how generous Gsherm
are. When you meet man who has q
turned from fishing trip lie always tel
YOU that he gave his share to tho oti
fellows.
The smaller the husband, the bigger IN
bundles his wife makes him carry.-E
h7ntptsyn H'pn5lcaa. The smaller the h 1
band the bigger the bundle of wife d
will marry.
a person born this year cannot vote
the nineteenth century.-Et. Ifheis bcr
with black skin and stays in the South h
can be thankful if he is ever allowed
vote at all.
The quickest way to get husband is
lnvelgIc your admirers into taking YOU 4
all the hlghpriced amusements. lie s.
marry you as soon as possible in order
reduce expenses.
King George Of Greece, now in P.uiI
made the acquaintance Of Boston .
who Immediately addressed him in Gre, |
lie replied in French that he did not u
derstand English.
Tho reason some men get along so SLOW
in this world is because they spend t4
thirds of their time talking abou. wild
are going to do and during the other til Il
they have to sleep.
Census enumerators have much trou
at houses provided with window redectc 4
the inmates seeing his form at the froI|
door, take him for book agent and I'd
no attention to the bell
The rules for leap year picnics are |
simple. The girls bring the lunch, incl /
ing lemons and sugar, and the boys furI
the water and make the lemonade.
! girls also put up the swings.
\ Philadelphia woman who gave u
age ten years younger than she really
explained to a friend that she was o.
looked at the last census and did not waI
to get the records mixed up.
Billings says money cannot buy the 81
of dogs tall but Billings is mistak d
Money will buy meat and the dog will VI
his tail while he eats it. There is a g 4
deal of human nature in dogs.
Mr.. Nelson, New York milk deald
tied his cows to tree with pieces Of d
telegraph wire. 4 thunderstorm came u
and the force OF habit was so strong in 4
wire that the cows were dispatched.
An English physician having careful
noted the effects of oatmeal on the hun. 4
system, declares that it makes people cr0d
stingy, Jealous and sour-tempered. WA
an awful lot of it some folks must eat.
The sweet,girl graduate season has ore
ed, but 1t never proves dangerous.
susceptible youth cannot fix his attent d
on one, but falls in love with the whole d
In this case there is safety in numbers.
Any one who kills turkey buzzard
carrion crow in Tennessee is liable to
indicted and fined. They are very usef1
in rdding the State Of the remains
revenue officers killed by illicit distillers.
The Kearneyites now think of driE Il
out the Chinese by peaceful means; th(
are arranging to give Chinatown q courso'
lectures, each lecture to be preceded
GiImore's anthem, sung by the entire col
gregation.
Had tho Narragansett used the electr
| IHnl no COlllSIO1 MOulO l@NO OCGuAl "
Such light makes short work of 70
thought it must be confessed that the me-
on watch can't sleep so comfortably und
its dazzling rays.
A Berks-county man has worn the san
pair of calf boots to church for thir
years and he has been frequent attendan
too. Some people could make pair
church boots last several hundred years
they lived that long.
, Some of the physicians in the oil rPgiol
prescribe by telephone. Sometimes II
wires get crossed and the prescription
reach the wrong patients; but it does m
make much difference; the people in tn
region are naturally pretty tough.
This year the Fourth of July comes {
Sunday and we hope eur citizens will T
member that the institution of the Sabbat
antedates the glorious Fourth by son
. | wears. Go to church and thank heaVe
that you are an American freeman.
A wife murderer was yesterday sentence
70 imprisonment for life. We hope IL
ghost of his wife will make note OF it an
make things lively for him during the mi
f night hours. Otherwise the fellow mig
as we'll be hung and be done with 1t.
Scranton, Wilkesbarre and other tow
in the coal regions are full of beggars late
, from Germany and Italy. They are tryiI
to raise money enough to buy some goo
clothes so that they can summer as foreiE
counts at Newport and Long Branch.
Miss Catharine Wolfe of New York
the wealthiest unmarried woman on Il
: continent. Now that the census take
. have nearly finished their work we do'
, mind making this fact public. The fare
3 New York is low, and single men can G
. board there at very reasonable figures.
> A man who firmly believes that secol
4 food will come next November TO GOV
E the whsle face of the earth is building