The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1880-10-14
PASSING SMILES.

a
said the shoulder brace to the corset.
"MY days works big gun, as the
foundry man said, when he commenced
to cast a cannon.
HusBAsD--" Mary, my love, this ap-
pie dumping is not half done" Wife
"Well, finish it, then, my dear"
ONE hair in the hash will cost more
hard feelings than seven notices on the
walls can overcome. --AHa California.
"A MAN recently died in New Orleans
from eating Matches" says the Washing
ton capital. We presume eating
matches may be as fatal as starving or
walking matches.
KANSAS reports big corn crop, three
million and half of acres growing in
that state, and only million of inhabit-
ants. Three and half corns to each
person. Big feat
81 HAVE three children who are the
very image of myself" 81 pity the
Youngest" replied his inlerlocuter.
"Why ?" Because he is the ono who
will have to resemble you the longest
SEVERAL salesladies write the Heratd
that they feel insuted when they arc
called shop girls Possibly it would be
well to compromise this matter-to give
them, for instance, truly legitimate title
"counter jumper Etmira Free Press.
PATTI bossed the carpenter work of
her new home in Wales, and as conse-
quence she had eight rooms torn to pieces
two or three times over, and now she has
lawsuit with the carpenter. But she
has more closets than house, and Is
happy.
The Baroness Burdctt. Coutts has had
over forty proposals of marriage. IL
she'd accepted the first one she wouldn't
have had the other thirty-nine to brag
of, but she wouldn't have died an old
maid. Dye mind that, girls. boston
| Post.
"IN what condition was the patriarch
Job at the end Of his life?" asked a
Brooklyn Sunday y-school teacher of q
quiet looking boy at the foot OF the class.
Dead" calmly replied the quiet look
ing boy. From this answer no appeal
was taken.
ARTEMus WARD once told us that the
funniest story he ever heard was about
an inebriated reporter, who leaned over
the railing of the reporters gallery in the
English House of Lords and inquired
"Will shum noble ord plea shing comic
shong?"
The trouble about taking n medicine
warranted to cure all diseases is that it
may not know exactly what is wanted of
it, and in that case it will go fooling
around in the system trying to cure you
of some disease that you have not got.--
NcW orleans Picay,ule.
A KANSAS CITY reporter records the
fact that the defeated candidate "took
his way to the train, wrapped i'll gloom
and new store clothes. The gloom was M
elegant fit, but the store clothes were too
short in the legs and very baSgy about
the shoulders.
SHE was charming girl, and her meth
cd of explaining what she had heard
at the scientific meeting was irresi'.ible.
Discoursing upon the photophonc, she
said, lucidly, lyon see by means OF a
lens they condense ray of Space
The rest of her remark was lost in the
laughter of the company.
LAST week Bible agent sat down on
farmers table up in Scott County,
PLAYED euchre with the old man and won
q yoke of four year-old steers from him,
and then made him buy eight dozen
Bibles and sixteen pounds of tracts to
redeem his steers. -BHr(ingtOn H0Wk-
cyc.
The most insulting sort of impudence
is tolerated at seaside resorts. " Have
YOU taken bath this morning? y is n
question that may be asked of lady Mt
such place, and it is rarely " ever resent
ed The same question in town would
sever friendship and cause somebody to
get hurt.
FASHIONABLE Galveston lady Mt a
social gathering remarks jestingly to
Gilhooly: 81 wonder how much would
bring if | was put up at auction and
sold to the highest bidder?" "Just about
s., 1000" "Why, my iewelry alone is
worth that" "Yes, that's what | put
it down at in my estimate. '-Gdlceston
Ne,US.
In one of the census book filed in the
County Clerks office, the census enumer-
ator, by some accident, put down the
name of one individual turned around,
that is, tho given name where the sur
name should be- Instead of rewriting
the name, he wrote above it an explana-
tory note, turned around itself. -
KingstOwn Freeman.
,, "WnY," some writer asks, "is a bril-
liant man less brilliant with his wife than
with any one else?" Well, we suppose
l she asks him for money oftener than any
: one else You take to borrowing money
regularly and constantly of your dearest
and most brilliant friend, and see what
will become OF his brilliancy in your
, presenCe