The Osceola times., 1880-06-05
ODE TO A FISH WORN.

Unlucky creaturel When the cruel hook
lmpales thee, ere plunge thee In the brook,
Thou oanst not, by an agonizlng yell
The fearful tortures thou endurest tell.
Thou canst not, by thy countenance. express
Thy awful suffering and dire distress.
lis only In thy power 10 twist and squirm,
But | can tell what that dost mean, D. worml
And shall all this pain inhlct on theeY
No: Ill SHOW mefcy-hal What do see
In yonder pool 10 deep? II Is strout
A big three -pounderl must have him out!
For what are you TO such prize, worm?
Thy hour has come Get on that hoCkl Don't
squirm!
That trout still waits for thee. IL must be
caught
on, drnr I've dropped The worm, and too. by
snum.
That cussed hook I'VE baited with my thumb
Contour the thing! I've lost that worm. and
more,
The trout made oil the minute that | swore,
N. y. World.
EVENLY DIVIDED.
Six medical experts examined man
as to his sanity and were evenly
divided. After they had wrangled about
it for week it was discovered that they
had examined the wrong person alto
gether.-Daroa Free Press.
BARSuM SHOULD HAVE THEM.
1t is now said that Cove. ID. Bennet,
lately acquitted in Jersey City of the
murder of policeman Smith, will lecture
Mr.. Barnum will miss the greatest op-
portunity OF his life il he does not get
Bennet, Hayden, Jessie Raymond, Chas-
tine Cox, and the Widow Oliver and at
tach them to his managerie as a "happy
family" "There's"-several hundred
dollars in lt.-tnknOun.
HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND.
A short a, ,ticle gong the rounds OF
the press is { ltitled "How to Cook u
Husband If he had voice in the
matter he would prefer to be toasted
at the club; but when he gees home and
kicks up family broll he ought to be
Blasted" A "chafed" husband is not
desirable. Perhaps, after all, it would
be best to pa boil him, for often pa boils
with rage when he is obliged to meander
up and down the chamber at midnight
with squalling infant in his arms
we've been told.-Norrist0,rn Herald
WHAT THE PEOPLE DO.
A few take their religion home from
church with them, but most people leave
il wrapped, like the chairs and pictures
in brown holland to be kept clean for
their return at the end of the season.
This is good for the religion. and is often
as delicate as the feather in a lady's hat,
and sea air takes the curl out of one,
and hops, germans and board walks
make the other very limp; 50 the wise
woman leayctn her old clothes and re-
ligion in the iastness OF her dwelling
place, and going forth to the sea-shore
she singeth and ducxeth in the cool wa
ter and winketh at her spouse, or, If she
be maiden, she blinketh at the spouse
Of some one else. or smiletn on the un-
wise young man who skippeth also
among the jelly-tish of the OCEAN
Boston Transcript.
A ST. LOUIS QUARTET.
The magificent quartet-Crawford
Baker, Buskett and Feld-who aston
ished the audience at Pope's the other
night, were 30 proud of their success
that they took stand on the top step OF
the Post Office and began the rehearsal
of new piece.
Come where my love lies snoozing,"
sang the tenor, ejecting quid of to-
bacco from his left cheek.
"The 'appy ours whey" chimed in
the basso, placing cigarette between
his teeth.
600 way from dart" shouted Beverly
Jackson, the colored jantor, from the
inside. mo use hollerin'; de office
won't open tor half an hour"
The quartet expect to 60 on starring
tour next summer, and will visit Lead
vile and the Gunnison Country by per.
mission OF the Vigilance Committee
Globe Drmocrat
SOME SUGGESTIONS 10 MINISTERS.
A circus never runs too long for spec
tators, but let sermon run over forty
minutes and Il congregation can't sit still
Detroit Free Press Now We see no
possible justification for comparison
here. Just give the pious party a
chance, If you please, and then fasten
your critical tentacles ON the congrega-
tion, YOU sacrilegious old literary octo-
pus For instance: During the prefa-
tory remarks of the minister, let hun
sit down on the unobstructed platform
with his feet dangling over the edge,
which he is to grasp with his hands, and
then draw leg over each shoulder, and
We have him in a position known as the
lllls VIII rtttlIt
for five minutes, and as the discourse adj
vances. he may unwind himself and
stand erect, holding the left leg out hori-
zontally and clasping the left foot in the
hand. No minister, however, should ut,
tempt this feat unless he has every con-
fidence in his pants. When he has re-
maineG in tins position two minutes
and half, he might 60 through like
mannuyre with the right leg for the
same period, and thus ten minutes are
consumed, in winch he has secured the
wrapt attention of the congregation, and
is prepared to get down to business. At
this point he will resume his proper
position, and whenever passage is to
be emphasized he will turn u backward
sommersault, alighting on his feet, head
or any other part of the anatomy his
proficiency will allow; and while
awaiting the impressive silence after
his peroration to strike in, he may make
tour of the platform with backward
hand-springs. These performances are
merely suggested, Of course, their adop-
ton being advised only in the contin-
gency that the minister is forced into
competition with the circus, as our i'm
pious contemporary, We think gratuit-
ously fore shadows Boston Transcript,
Odd implements Of arson.
y. Y Times