Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-02-19

uedu 0OW Woulu huo" uob oo ihouiSino
was 6tten fer use eff hadn't tried it?
Science must be 'vanced, yer know"
"Dat's fack," said the justice, after mus
ing while, "de pint are we'll sustained.
Mr.. Constable, turn dis man loose, and eau
ton him not to vent any noah medicine in
my township" Little Rock Gazette.
"PURrY COLD DAY."-Some weeks ago
poorly.dressed and seedy-looking person, about
fifty years old, entered the post-ofice, at De-
troit, and proceeded to warm his hands at
one of the registers. He made no inquiries
about mail, and after he had been loa6ng
around for two hours, policeman got his
eye on him and asked:
"Say old man, have you any business here ?"
"Well, no" was the reply.
"Any work to do?"
"No, kinder thought I'd lay off this
winter"
'"Any "A friends here'"
"Ithink you are vagrant," continued the
officer as he took another look at him.
"Mebbe l am" sighed the old man.
"And I think III take you down."
"Well, III 60 along"
The officer escorted him to the station
house, registered his name, and then proceed.
ed to search his pockets. Each one panned
out a wad of money, making total of 81 800.
"Why didn't you tell US you had this mon
ey?" demanded the policeman.
"Why didn't you ask me?"
"Didn't say took you for vagrant, and
you didn't deny it either"
"Well, I didn't know anything about your
city laws" quietly replied the old man. "lve
got two married daughters, and I come to buy
each of 'em $500 piano for New Years, but
if it's ag'in any Of your laws I'll take the
train for home. I'm getting purity old, and
don't want no fuss with anybody"
swell, you might have saved yourself all
this trouble" said the officer, as he escorted
him to the street.
"Don't mention it," was the answer. "If
took any trouble on your account it's all
right and you needn't thank me. I'm al
ways willing to oblige anybody who can ap-
preciateit. Purity cold day, isntit?
In ScHooL.-A schoolboy being asked by
the teacher how he should fog him, replied:
IF you please, sir, I should like to have
it upon the Italian system of penmanship-
heavy strokes upward, and the down ones
light"
Schoolmistress (pointing to the FIRST letter
of the alphabet): Come, now, what is that p
Scholar: I shan't tell you.
Schoolmistress You won't but you must.
Come, now, what is it?
Scholar: I shan't tell you I didn't come
here to teach you, but for you to teach me.
A country schoolmaster had two pupils, to
one of whom he was partial and to the other
severe. One morning it happened that these
two boys were late, and were called up to ac-
count for it.
"You must have heard the bell, boys; why
did you not Gomez"
"Please, sir" said the favorite. "I was
dreaming that was going to Margate, and
I thought the school bell was the steamboat
bell"
Every WELL" said the master, glad of any
pretext to excuse his favorite.
"And now, SIR turning to the other,
"what have you to say 7"
"Please, sir" said the puzzled boy, IL
was waiting to see Tom off"
na| "Did you attend church to-day, as 1
charged you?" inquired an old planter, in
the old time, of one of his slaves, as he re.
turned to his dwelling. "Sartin, massa," was
Cudjo's reply; "an' what two mighty big
stories dat preacher did tel" "Hush Cudjo,
you must't talk that way; what stories we're
they?" "Why, he tells de people no man can
serve two massas-now dis is de fust story,
cause you see old Cudjo sarves you, my ole
massa, aud also young massa John. Den the
preacher says, he will lub one and hate de
ODER while the Lord knows hate you boff!"
bg-"I wish you would keep your mouth
shut" exclaimed Hollemount, the dentist,
suddenly losing patience with his patients
prediction for talking. Call right" said
the latter suiting the action to the word.
And then Hollemount asked him if he would
he 80 kind as to open it again, long enough
for him (Hollemount) to get his fingers out.
You never do know how to please some men.
n9- A dental journal says the reason so
many men fail as orators, is because they have
lost some of their teeth. Bosh Look at
hen; hasn't and never had tooth in her
head and did the dental editor never hear a
hen mount fence and deliver two hours
Fourth of July oration over one egg no larger
than lemon?
b6- She was a school.teacher, and had to
teach morals as we'll as arithemetic, so when
big oath came from a little urchin on the
play ground, she made him climb into her
lap and proceeded to tell him to "Swear not
at all" II didn't swear at ALL jist cursed
one Teller, and you would too, if he'd chucked
a snow ball down your back"
p9- "Is there anything that will make
grain come. up quick? ?" asked the gentleman
farmer of the old husbandman. "Well, no;
I don't know of nothin' thatll do it," was the
genial old fellows reply, unless it's crows"
Then the gentleman farmer wanted to know
where he could get some.
HH- A Boston man had sixty-fve dollars
stolen from him. A week afterwards he re-
ceived letter, containing twenty-five dollars,
that read a: 81 stole your money. Remorse
naws.at my conshens and l send you some of
it back. When remorse naws again I'll send
you some more"
A9- The Senate committee is going to spend
thousands of dollars in investigating the
cause of the negro exodus to Kansas, while
every one knows that it was caused by South.
ern papers stating that Kansas farmers never
locked the doors of their hen-roosts at night