The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1880-02-06


Unfortunate lady, how sad Is your bot
Your ringiSts are red but your poeiEs are not
II is the man with tie rheumatism
who is every inch king.
Noah was an anti-monarcbist. He
circumvented long reign.
At this season of the year it is al
ways fowl weather at the markets.
Wanted 10 know, If Havana cigar
makes a man III, will two make man
illa4
Why door nail is any more dead
than door must be because it has been
hit on the head.
A paper, and not'a Western journal,
either, luggestiyely speaks Of a doctors
skiIlful treatment.
A kiss upon the lips is a mortgage
upon girls affections which may be
foreclosed at any time.
lie said her hair was dyed, and when
she Indignantly exclaimed, "'fis false r
~ pssi" ~ I'fFssNn'SN ~
The New York Commercial is au
thority fo- the statement that "the ul-
ster coyereth multitude Of shins."
The English have presented Cete-
wsyo's wives concertinas. Isandula is
to be avenged. oh, unhappy King.
Pcecoeiaus boy f,nunchinoI the fruit
Of the date tree)-" Mamma, if eat
dates enough will grow DIP to be an
almanac e
Sir. Seth Green IS respectfully re-
questc1 10 see if the oyster cannot be
domesticated at churcb-fair stews--
Cincinnati .Commercim.
Before marriage a girl frequently
calls her intended ''lier treasure" but
~hen he becomes her husband she
looks upon him As 'sher treasurer
Every thing says Western paper,
.'l,as recently advanced in price except
liberty, which remains at eternal sigi-
Iance, with liberal deductions TO the
trade"
"Jane," said he, "I think if you
would take your feet away from the
fire we might have some heat in the
ROOM And they hadn't been married
two years, either.
Trying to do business without adver-
Using is like winking at a girl in the
dark. You may know what you are
doing, bat nobody else does.-W Wmches-
ter Sun.
Since Laioucl.re was expelled from
the Beefsteak Club he allows no one on
his paper TO use the expression, sI4et
rs return 10 our mutton. -IIdldn0po-
lis .Nesrs.
Charley-@WhAt girl was that you
had in tow last eyeningT' Harry Ton
his dignity )-"What you please to call
tow, sir, is what people of culture gen
orally speak of as blonde tresses, sir"
Goes of in huff.
whats fame r. yelled an ex-
cited orator. What's famel that
ghost Of ambition What's honor r
And weak minded man IN the crowd
said he supposed she had clothes on, as
anv fool ought TO know.-OH City Der
rick.
Lord c., whose popularity was not
excessive in the Scotch town Of A.,
having refused an imPortunate beggar,
she renewed her applications with.
"Now, me lord, if ye'd just give me one
little sixpenee, | could treat every
friend We have in the town"
a young man who held loaded
| pistol TO his head aud threatened to
blow his brains out unless the girl who
had refused him would consent to have
him. was coolly told by that young la
dy that he would have TO Llow soma
brains into his head first lie didn't
blow.
A minister who had been reproving
one of his elders for over-indalgence,
observed COW so down to stream,
take a dlink and then turn away.
..There," said he to his ofTpnding elder,
"is an example for YOU. The COW has
quenched her thirst and has retired
"Yes,' replied the other, that is very
true. But suppose another COW had
come up on the other side of the stream
and had said, Here's to sou,' there'sno
; saying how long they might have gone
Ion." /"