The Portland daily press., 1880-04-13
Wit and Wisdom.

Master addressing his class: "Silence! this
is not to be put up with Directly 1 begin to
talk stupid fellow begins to chatter
Ada (aged four) who was doing something
and was told to desist by her mother. Mother
ada, am 1 to speak to you again?" Ada
Yes, ma, you may if you like"
The threat that Kansas is too cold climate
for the colored man to live in was we'll an
swered by proposed emigrant from South
ern state the other day. A white man was
telling him of the climate, when he asked:
"Oh, Mars Bob, amt dat Kansas de place de
big squabble was over afore de wah, bout you
white folks takin' de niggers to?' "Oh yes'
was the reply. Wall den, If it was good for
slave niggers, how comes it to be so bad for
free ones?" No answer when last heard from.
Denver Times.
No real generous man would go to spiritu-
alseance given by lady medium, and just as
the ghost is walking about (while the medium
is tied in the cabinet exclaim: "There's rat
right by the ghost" 1t spoils the effect to
have the ghost yell and gather up. its skirts
and run.-Boston Post.
Feeble aud exhausted constitutions restored
to health and strength by Malt Bitters.
1t comes kind O. sudden like, just as the
congregation have finished singing "Salya-
tion's free, "to have the preacher announce
that 'the collection will now be taken up."-
Boston Transcript.
Lord Lorne is to send his mother-in-law
some Canadian paintings Queer that men
always hate their mothers-in-law-Bosto
Post.
The New York Mail thinks the song "Goipg
Home to Dinah Moore is not proper for
prayer meetings. We do not quite under
stand; but it looks reasonable.-Emira Free
Press.
Michigan girl has been arrested for car
rying revolver. This is right. No female
should be allowed to wear bangs in her hip
pocket.-Philadelphi Chronicle.
When we reflect that so many human beings
die of Consumption we must come to the con-
sion that everybody should be provided with
DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup, which never fails to
cure cough, the forerunner of this dreadful
disease Price 25 cents.
A Louisvillain made resolve to name dog
after the first policeman that he saw in his
neighborhood. The dog is now 16 months old
and nameleSs.-Chicago Times.
Fiend-"Ha! ha-a-a! He has insulted me!
scorned me! spat on me- He has robbed me of
my property, alienated my friends and desc
lated my freside. But 1 am revenged. Ha!
ha-a-a-a! have sent his family box of the
fifteen-puzzle. Ha! ha-a-a!'-Harper's Bazaar.
Every Invalid a Druggist.
By buying the new and popular medicine.
Kidney Wort, you get in each package enough
of the dry compound to make six quarts of
medicine, thus saving double the money which
is usually paid for medicine, prepared on
liquid. 1t is a specific cure for Kidney and
Liver diseases. apr8TS&Taw1w
A contemporary suggests that the man who
wishes to break off the habit of smoking
should postpone the lighting of his first cigar
five minutes each day. In this way the hour
for beginning to osmoke will be gradually put off
until after he has gone to bed and got to sleep.
She was poetical, and made him promise
that the noxious nicotian weed should not
come in contact with his lips for six solid
months. He is keeping his promise like a
man. 1t has deer on top of itand it's color.
ing a deep mahogany shade.-Philadelphi
American.
A cats mouth is like free show. omen to
waul.-Boston Post.
Could not the doctors fee be Justly called
lll-gotten gains.-Y Yonkers Statesman.
A gap in the carving knife betokens that a
spring chicken has been in the house-Bos-
ton Transcript: