Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1880-07-28
HumOrsOme Wallis.

A WESTERN paper heads the marriage Of
bachelor of tifty-seven years, Another Old
Landmark Gone"
trials that co nes to girl when she marries
is that she has to discharge her mother and
depend on servantgirl.
"YEs, he may be good scholar, and all
that, but he cant pass beer saloon," was
what one literary gentleman remarked of
another on the street.
AYoUNG lady, having read about man who
invented a stove which will consume its own
smoke, hopes he will next devise method
whereby tobacco-smokers can be run on the
same economical principle.
THE teacher had been telling the story of
David, and said in ending, "All this hap
pened more than three thousand years ago"
Whereupon one little witch looked up and
said, Oh dear, ma am, what memory you
have got !"
WHAT part of the eye is like the rainbow
The iris. What part is like the schoolboy
The pupil. What part is like the globe
The ball What part is like the top Of the
chest The lid. What part is like the
piece of a whip2 The lash. What part is
like the summit of hill 2 The brow.
A GREENHoRN went one night to see his
sweetheart, and for a long time could think
of nothing to say. At last, snow beginning
to fall heavily, he told her that his fathers
sheep would be lost. "Well," said she,
kindly taking him by the hand "Pn take
care of one OF them"
WHEN Macaulay was an undergraduate he
attended an election meeting in Cambridge,
aud was rewarded by dead cat being
thrown in his face. The man who hurled
the offensive article apologized by saying
that he had no wish to hit Mr.. Macaulay, as
he intended it for Mr.. Adeane. :" | wish,' re-
piled Mr.. Macaulay, "you had intended it
for me and hit Mr.. Adeane."
An Irishman entered the Newark Aduer-
fser office aud asked the clerk to write an
advertisement for him. 81 lost me dog"
he said. lie gave general description of
the animal "What name does he answer
to 2" Och, thin dye think it's parrot
lost, that I'd hould conversation with
him ?" "But, what do you say when you
call your dog 2" "Faith, | say, come here,
y black thafe o the wurli.'"
The revivalist Hammond preached at
Vallejo, California, from the words, =" SAUL
Saul, why persecutest thou me 2" In the
audience there was an engineer named Saul,
who was accompanied by his wife and little
girl. The reverend gentleman repeated his
text several times, Saul, Saul, why perse-
cutest thou me ?" AT last the little one
who thought that the text had a personal
application, looked up into the fa,e of her
parent. and said, " Father, don't mind him /;
he's drunk"
The Rev. DR.. Alexander relates that there
lived in Peeblesshire half.witted man, who
was in the habit of saying his prayers in a
field behind turf-dyke. One day he was
followed to this spot by some wags, who So
creted themselves on the opposite side listen
ing to the man at his devotions, who ex-
pressed his conviction that he was a very
great sinner, and that even were the turf
dyke at that moment to fall upon him it
would be no more than he deserved. No
sooner had he said this than the persons ON
the opposite side pushed the dyke over him,
when, scrambling out, he was heard to say
feoh, sirs it's an awful world this a
body Gamma say thing in joke, but it's
ta'en in earnest