The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-09-09
CITIZEN SALAD.

. ne HIS sung
And warbled and stung,
Till he ought to be mashed.
Life is uncertain and so is the
rear end of mule.
When Blackburn stated in his
speech last Monday that he had
read much and studied much, an
old granger whispered in our ear:
"Holy Moses, who would have
thought itF'
One Of our republican exchanges
finds fault with George Washington
because he swore like trooper.
Profanity is an ugly thing, especial
ly when it falls from the lips of
great men, but it must be admitted
that the Father of His Country
never tod lie, which is more than
can be said of any republican editor
now living.
We are out of the business, of
course, the head of family having
mo interest in Cupid's affairs, but
we are much inclined to give it as
our opinion that the reason the
course of true love doesn't run
smooth in Pulaski is because, too
many OF our young men wear plug
hats and part their hair rather
high up on the head.
We wish it distinctly understood
that it is as much as a mans life is
worth u mention the state debt in
the CITIZEN Office We have al
ready killed and betrayed the fun
eral eXpen ses of three men who
persisted in discussing that ago
nizing topic at our editorial desk,
and we are prepared to slaughter
and bury as many more if it should |
| become necessary,
Mr.. Ike Rainey, our amiable
town marshal, very foolishly con-
scented to chop some stove wood for
family use the other day. He was
hacking away at stick about as
big as a mans thumb when a splin-
ter flew into his eye, inflicting a
very painful wound. This shock
ing accident conveys a solemn
warning to all married men. Don't
chop wood, gentlemen. That is
JOuA wiz . OdOAhCoos
Grigsby and Anderson ordered
and have just received $II5 worth
of matches. These matches were
not made in heaven, but in region
OF sulphur and phosphorus, highly
suggestive of Lucifer from whom
their name is derived. They are
not to be used in parlors or other
snug retreats where lovers are not
particular about striking a light,
but in the sitting room where the
head of the family requires illumi-
nation to keep him from stumbling
over three or four babies.
On the first Monday we saw a
man with dishevelled hair trying to
unlock one of the gates OF the
courthouse yard with a tooth brush.
He had been trying to devise some
feasible plan for settling the state
debt and had just arrived at salts
factory conclusion when his mind
gave way. At first we were dis
posed to lend him a helping hand,
but when he said twenty-five cents
on the dollar would be big price
for the courthouse and its id |
old whirligig gates" we concluded |
to submit him to the people for rat
ffcation.
After doing in the legislature |
for q year or more, the Honorable |
John Balloonfat resolved, between |
maps, to do something that would
rebound to the honor and glory Of
his constituents. So, one beautiful
day, when the blue skies nodded
approvingly overhead and the blue
Solons were debating in their
minds, whether it were better
to remain as dry as a chip or 60 out
and soak themselves thoroughly
with corn juice, he arose, like a
column of Bologna sausage, and
with that majestic air which distin-
cuisines him on all momentous oo
casions, exclaimed: "Mr. Speaker,
move that tue house do now adj
journ r There was scarcely dry
eye in the the House. The motion
carried, of course.
We are informed that it is report
ed in Maury county that the CITI-
ZEN is a low tax paper. The CITI-
ZEN s low tax paper-that is to
say, it favors the lowest rate of
taxation that will defTay the expens-
es of the state government, admins
tered On a rIgidly economical basis,
and discharge promptly the obliga
tons growing out an honorable ad-
justment of the state debt, the lat
ter to be sealed with the consents and
not watered with the tears Of the ,
creditors. 1t, therefore, supports
John V. Wright, of Maury, for gov
ernor, and although the assertion Is |
not relevant to the question in
hand, it is well enough to state that
it also supports, cheerfully, nay I
gladly, Hon. Washington G. Whit
thorne, of Maury, for congress-
Furthermore, it is perfectly willing
for the six or seven gentlemen in
Maury county who are not already :
for public office, to make >
the thing unanimous and run if /.
they want TO. :
The Honorable John BelliAaunt {
owes the dear people with all the :
eruptive forces OF his volcanic Z
heart. The tears he has shed re- a
GENTLY over the sufferings of his .
fellow citizens, who are
armed out like so many serfs TO
he railroads and bondholders, O
would organize a branch Office Of :
he Atlantic ocean, and If the signs
lie has sighed over the lamentable
of the laboring classes
we're imprisoned within a sufficient
lumber of locomotive boilers, they
would split into wooden toothpicks
n excursion train of bloated arts
ocrats reaching from Maine to
california. But a few years
go things were different with the
honorable John. Then he was
weeping over the prosecuted, down
rodden railroads, bemoaning the
manifold burthens under which
hey we're staggering, and shaking
lis mighty fists in the faces Of
he purse-proud farmers. Moved