New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-09-03

friendly cook he walked rravcly forth, and appeared
before the multitude
not with surprise; it was most decidedly ana "n-
qiest,onably with laughter
What - said Mr.. 1ulrumblc: starting up IN the
four-whce chaise Laughing! If they laugh az
a man in real brass ar,nor they'd laugh when their
own fathers were diving: Why doesn't he go into his
place. Mr.. Jcnningsi What's ne rolling down To-
ward US for he has 10 business her"!
II am AFRAID sir -" falterod Mr. Jennings.
AFRAID Of what, sir p said Nicholas Tnlrumble,
looking up into the secretarys lace. . .
&c am afraid he's drunk. sir," replied MI Jeh-
Nicholas Tulrumhle took one look at the extra
ordinary figure that was bearing down upon them
and then clasping h' secretary By the arm. uttered
an audible groan in anguish of spirit. ,,u;nc
1t is melancholy fact that Mr. Twigger having
full license 10 demand single glass OF rum on the
putting of every piece OF ;he aruor got, by some
means other. rather ont of his calculation III the
about four glasses piece instead of one, not TO
mention the something strong which went on tne
top of it. Whether the brass armor checked the
natural flow of perspiraion, ana thus prevented ,ne
spirit from evap pratng, we are not scenthc enough
10 know but, whatever tho cause was, Mr. iwig-
ger no sooner found himself outside the gate of Mud
fog Hail. than ne also found himself III very con-
siderable state OF inioXcation and hence
his extraordinary STYLE of progress
ing. THIS was bad enough, but; as II fate
and fortune had conspiTed against Nlcholas lui
rumble Mr. Twigger not having been penitent for
good calendar month. took 1t into his head TO De
most especially and particularly sentiments; JUS
si.ty dispensed with. immense tears were ioIlnR
down his cheeks, and he was vainly endeavoring to
conceal his grief by applying 10 his ewes blue cot
ton pocket-handkerchief with white spots.an ar
tice not strictly in keeping with q SUIT OF armor
some three bundled wears old, or thereabouis
"Twigeer YOU villain " sad Nicholas luirum-
BILE quite forgetting his dignity, 20 back
Never" SAID Ned Pm miserable wretch
Pl never leave you." ~
with acclamations of That's right, Ned don't! .
. don't iutend It," said Ned, with all the OBJ
stinacy of a very tipsv man. " I'm very UNHAPPY
Pm the wrecned father OF an unfortunate IamIlyj
bat Pm very faithful. SIT. III never leave y0n.
Having reiterated this obiging promise, Ned
proceeded in or ken words to baran5ue the crowd
upon the numb.r of years he had lived in Mudfog.
the excessive respectabhty OF his character, and
other topics of the like ia. ure. 49,
Here! will anybody lead HIN away j. sald
Nicholas if hey'll call Oh me afterward, III re-
ward them we'll"
Iwoor three men stepped forward. with the view
of bearing Ned of, when the secretary mterposed.
AXE care. take care = said Nil Jennings. " |
beg your pardon. sr; bnt they'd better no; 90 too
pear BIN, cause ii he falls over he'll certainly
crush somebody"
AT this hnt the crowd retired, on All sides TO
very respectful distance. and left Ned. like the
Duke of DevOnShlTe, In IIttle circle OF ms own.
Bv. Mr.. Jennings sand Nicholos Turumble,
" he'll be suiIOcaied.'
Pm very sorry for it, sir" replied Mr.. jennings;
"bui nobody can get thai arinor off, without his
,ance. I'm quite certain OF 1t from Tie way
lie put II on
Here Ned wept doefuly and shook his helmeted
of sCone; but the crowd had not hearts oi sOne,ahd
they laughed heartily.
Dear lie, MI Jennings" said Nicholas, turning
pale at the possibility of Nel's being smohrred in
his antique cosuulc--' Dear me. MIR. Jennings, can
nothing be done with him 7" :,
Nothing at ALL replied Ned, nothing at all.
Gentlemen, I'm an unhappy wretch I'm D0dy,
gentlemen III brass coffin" AT tins poelcai lGea
OF bis own c0njurng up Ned cred so much That the
peop,e began to get sympathetic. and to ask what
Nicholas rnlrum Die meant by putting man INTO
such a machine as that; and one lndlNl iual III
marry waistcGast like the top OF uunk. VINO laG
previously expressed his opinion thar II Ned hadn't
been a poor man Nicholas wouldn't have dared do
IT, limited at the prOpuctY Of breaking me -FOUR
last compound PROPOSITION tne crowd seemed 10 con-
sldcr very good not On. ,
IL was nor acted unon however. for 1t had hardly
been broached Wien Ned iwle9crS VIE made
her appearance abruptly III ih1 niue circle
before noticed, aud Ned no sooner caught
q glimpse OF her face aud form. tnan iioi
the mere force Of habit lie set oil toward
BIS home Just as fast as his legs could carry han
and tuat was not very quick III the present instance
either for, however ready they might have been to
under the brass armor So, Mrs. Twigger
mad plenty of time to dcn0unce Nichoas
TuIumblc to hls face; to express her opinion that
he was II decided monster and to Intimate mat, II
her llI-used husband sustained any personal damage
from the brass armOr, she would have the law 81
Nicholas IuIrumb.c for mdusaughter. When she
mad sad ali tni, with due veHcmeHce, she pasted
a.tCr Nrd who was dragging himself along rs best
be could, and dep.orns his Whappircss III most
Glsma tones.
The Mudfog Asssociation for the Advancement
of Everything" j. evidently intended as trayesty
OF the British Association for the Advancement Of
Science and .olne # the scientific discussions, the
abstracts of papers, &c, funny enough III their
wav But 1t is a broad and farclcai fun, in which
we see bat little OF d chcnss Joyous animal spirits,
AMI only and then a Shaft of ms Keen satire.
OF this latter gift there is touch III the debate over
treatise entitled Practical Sngg s;ions on the
Necessity of Providing some harnes, and whole
some Relaxation for the Young Noblemen Of Eng
land" Automaton policemen are 20 oe provided for
the young nobemeu TO assault and antomaton
magistrates TO fine them:
Professor Mun-Will you allow me, to ask you,
slr OF " ar materials IL Is intended that the mag
i.tralcs' heads shall I've composed
Mr.. Coppenose-Ihc magistrates Will have
wooden heads Of course, and they viii be made OF
the toughest and hcheSt materials that can posi-
by be obtained
Professor Muii-l am quite satisfied. This great
invention.
Appeals to NE that the magistrates ought to tax.
Nh COppernOsc 40 sooner heard this suggestion
than he touched Il small spring IN each OF tue Two
models Of magistrates whlcn were placed upon tue
table one Of tue figures Immediately began To cA-
claim vita great volubity that he was s0ly to see
gentlemen III such Il sli1iOn, ana the Othcr 10 cX-
p!esS fear tnat the Policeman was Intoxicated.
The section rs with one accord, declared with
shout of applause that thc Invention WAS complete;
and the president much eXcned, Ieurcd with MI.
Coppernosc 10 lay II before the cOnncI.
The dispatches Of the excited reporter who sends
frequent bulletins OF the Journey to the place of
meeting. and scenes in the streets when the ASSo-
citation is about TO assemble. are much more comic
than the accounts OF the 'tings themselves.
The remaining paper. he Pantomin ne o. Life"
- Some Particulars concerning LIpu." and " Mr..
Robert Bolton, the Gentle nan connected with the
Press, ," need not Getain us. They were probably
regarded stOp-gaps when they first saw the light,
and they are valuable now only because they the
early and unsuccessful essays OF one Of the greatest
masters Of hnmor and of fiction.
Ncw iJnbllealions.