The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1880-08-12

my life by your coquetry, for you
know, Shelah, you have given me
every reason to believe you cared for
"Well, if it is any pleasure for you to
think so, have no serious objection.
But l think enough has been said on
this subject for us to understand each
other. Suppose we talk Of something
more interesting"
"But, Shelah, will you not
''No, once for all I must forbid your
ever mentioning this subject to me
again"
You need not plead III never alter
III go my way, for the dream is done.
Shelah repeated the two lines of
poetry in a calm, even voice, without a
shade Of pity for the proud man who
stood before her-who, for the first time
in his lazy, indolent life, was hu1niliat-
ed. He stood for few moments ir-
resolute, and then again essayed to
speak:
'Shelah, L had hoped:
But she Interrupted him with an i'm
patient gesture.
II see you will insist on talking on
that disagreeable topic; 80 I will bid
you aurevoir," and. with naughty in
c]ination of her head. she walked
away.
He stood looking after her until she
disappeared among the trees, and it
seemed to him that all the light and
happiness Of his life had gone with her.
Until this moment he had never known
what it was to suffer; until this his Ian
guild creeds had held that no wise man
feels strongly, and to glide through life
untroubled and unmoved is as possible
as it is polite. But now he suffered
he suffered dumbly as dog, passion
ately as Il barbarian; now he was met
by that which, in moment, pierced
his panoplies of indifference and escap-
ed his light philosophers.
"Oh, God" he thought, IF it were
anything-anything but this! | love
her wildly, madly, and yet must give
up all hope Of ever winning her. Can
this be the punishment for my
past thoughtless, giddy career. If 50,
the penalty is far greater than is merit
ed by the crime. But, if she had only
given me the smallest ray of hope, how
different my future would have been
how bravely | would have struggled to
overcome those habits, which are more
the result Of circumstances than Of in
clination. And | would have succeeded;
for with her love as a beacon to guide
me, [ would have found no task too
difficult nor any obstacle insurnlount-
able. But now-wcl], I'll only live for
pleasure, if there is such a thing for
me. Hcnceforth 1 will worship at no
time but at the present, and have no
friend but SELF And, a. the poet
says,
1T may be ,u. and hope i. is.
That death will end this ain
That on the shores OF another world
will be happy again.
And feel, with the fullest !cvr rn" prld'
The olden. golden joy.
That came Of trusting Wol!.tn--an'i t;oG.
Ere love broken toy.
And he went forth into the world
again unchanged in outward appear
ancc, except he was colder, prouder
and more cynical than before. And he
plunged into all the pleasures and dis
sipations with recklesness that bord-
cred on desperation. Elmer Royston
had always been a great believer-it
the words are not too sonorous and too
earnest to be applied to his very incon-
sequent views upon any and every sub
jcct in the philosophy Of LET us live i'll
the present. and to this was added a
firm belief in destiny or fate, RS he
usually called it. He believed that !,
persons life WAS marked out for them
upon their entrance into this world, and
nothing could change or dcvlate them
from the course. He was reckless to
the utmost stretch of recklcssncss, all
serious and quiet though his daily
manner and, though he forced himself
by strong will to q subdued and dull
languor in keeping with his former life.
the pent-up-passion within would break
out occasionally in q sudden burst OF
anger; a midnight debauch, or, worse
still, a not infrcquent sitting at the gam
ing table. He had gained the reput;e-
ton among the ''boys'' of his set as be-
ing the most daredevil of the lot. His
word was law among them when it was
upon any particular style of dress or
question Of etiquette. He had to com
mend new kind Of wine or smoke a
new brand Of cigars to make popular,
and had only to adopt peculiar style
or color Of cravat to make it the
"agony."
But was he happy he found
in this life the happiness without which
there can be no contcntment? No;
never since that evening when he part
ed with Sheleh Fortescue had he known
the true mea ling Of that word. Her
face was before him ever; her voice
came to him even when surrounded by
gay companions, and when tossing up
on his bed, and in vain trying to com
pose himself to sleep; it was there al.
ways. He cursed himself for his folly,
and tried to believe that she spoke truly
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