The new North-west., 1880-10-08
I'D BITS OF WIT.
colorado man ges mp and says
hnnAa ott aclio m

Y colorado man ges mp and says :
70 the-are my boots ?" echo an
gers swear.
Il is absurd to suppose that a man can
speak above his breath since his mouth is
below his nose.
Never does man believe 30 strongly In
the attraction Of gravitation as when he
sits down in o chair and finds 1t gone.
There Ia u man In Aurora 80 thin that he
had row Of large buttons put on bis
umbrella cover and wears it for an ulster
Hdwkeye.
When it Is announced that politician is
In the hands Of his friends it is understood
they will take him. home all rightly. o.
Picayune.
A La Crosse minister p, aged for those
who are smitten with illness and those
who have gone fishing, snd also those too
lazy to dress for church.
The latest phase OF the baptism question
is as to whether immersion T. valid when
the candidate is put under water In rub
Der bag and comes out dry.
While walking ON a deserted beach the
other day, Mrs. Elizabeth Stuart Phelps
was asked IL she was not afraid of the ter
rife storm then raging, and replied "No ;
/ prefer the voice Of God to that OF the sum-
mer boarder."
A Kansas City reporter records the fact
that the defeated candidate "took his way
to the train, wrapped In gloom and new
store clothes. The gloom was an elegant
fit, but the store clothes were too short In
the legs and very baggy about the shoul-
ders."
The Syracuse papers are making good
deal of fuss over the fact that upon opening
n watermelon the other day q resident of
the city discovered another melon inside OF
It, The same discovery could have been
made by opening almost any small boy
Free Press.
care you guilty or not guilty." was
asked of a colored prisoner. swell boss, !"
he replied, "I was in de na'bo'hood when
dem hams was tooken, but it doesn't look
iis' right to beat dis respectant crowd outen
de pleasureableness ob seeing trial, do it'
Da' TO- pleads n. g."
Father-Here you have only been mar
ried four weeks, and almost every day you
come TO me with complaints about your
husband. You ought to be ashamed OF
yourself" Daughter-But he fights me all
the time. Father-Foolish child Haven't
your mother and mo been fighting every
day for thirty years and don's we get along
peaceably and quietly with each other =
GdlUsston Neps.
An editor was accosted one day with, 81
thought 1t was the rule of your shop never
TO give the authorship Of any editorial srti-
cles ?'' "That is our rule" said the editor.
"But the proprietor Of this paper told me
who wrote the 1eader' yesterday" contin-
ned the caller. "Indeed ?" quoth the edi-
tor: "who was itp" "He said he wrote
1t himself" "In that case" answered the
editor quietly, he did not violate the rule.
He merely lied"
George Peck Of Milwaukee went to Chi
cago during the conclave, and fell In love
with the Sir Knights hats. He says that
"pext to the bearskin hat Of drum major
the ohapeau Of Knight Templar is the
Rrandest head-gear in the world. 1t is made
after the pattern OF an inverted coal scuttie
that has been sat down on sidewise BY fat
man, and the top Of 1t il covered with spring
millinery. A oommandery looks as though
O millinery shop had eIploded.-Burlington
Hapkeye.