The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1880-11-04
[Kansas City Journal.l
AN AMBIDEXTER.
A Reporter Attempts to Furnish Copy and
Gets Things Mixed.

Gets GHnss s HEasa EHsa:A Copy and
There is reporter at the Times Of
flee who writes with equal rapidity
with either hand. He is an ambidex-
ter, and a bold, bad one at that.
When there is rush Of work at the
office, and the devil is shouting ''cop-
pee" like fend incarnate, this useful
reporter sits down at his desk in full
company front, and with pencil in each
hand, sings off local happenings by
the yard. He writes on two sheets at
once, and don't let his right hand know
what his left hand is driving at: but
its driving all the same. Yesterday
he got little off his mental base and
attempted to write up dog-fght and
a wedding in high life at the same
time. He got things mixed. His
hands ran clear away with the gray
matter in his kull, and things became
terribly confused. This is the way
his items telescoped each other:
''At Grace Church last night the
nuptials Of Mr. Thomas johnson and
Miss Julia Lawrence were celebrated
in most magnificent style. A costly
floral horseshoe being directly over
the altar, and when the yellow cur saw
the flames of anger darting from the
eyes of the brindle fyste, he opened
with the impressive strains of the we'd
ding march. As the handsome couple
walked down the aisle the excited
crowd began to get frantic, and there
were yells of Sick 'em Bull, AT him
now Towser, as the spectators became
interested in the fight The bride was
elegantly attired in pure white gar
ments of the most costly fabrics, and
she wore the traditional white veil and
wreath of orange blossoms, had him
by the neck, and his tongue began to
loll out and his eyes to turn somer-
saults as if in the customary black suit,
white loves, ears cropped close to his
head. He was disreputable looking
dog in the beginning, and ought to
have been whipped for being so home
ly. He is of good family, and is en-
gagged in one of the most extensive
manufacturing enterprises in the
West. But the yellow cur seemed to
be getting the advantage, as he had
now succeeded in getting death grip
on the throat of the big brindle, and
when he tenderly kissed the bride, ac-
cording to the ancient custom, his back
was covered with mud, and his off
hind leg was terribly chewed up.
Among the costly presents received by
the happy pair were fine, grand pi-
ano from the father of the bride. hair
had been scalded from his back and
one eye seemed to have been DESTROYED
by an auger.
''After short bridal tour the happy
pair will settle down to one of the,
hardest fought battles the reporter has
yet witnessed, and it was difficult to
tell which dog had been punished worst.
The fight ended at exactly 4:5S, after
having been bitterly contested for an
hour and half were driven to the res
idence of the brides parents, and he
was taken to his owners home in
wheelbarrow. He will probably nev-
er recover, and if he does will be total
ly blind. Besides being permanently
lame in the left hind leg, the beautiful
bride received the congratulations of
a host Of friends. The groom is one
of our most promising young men,
and his owner breads the possibility of
losing him, as he fears he can never
replace him. The father of the bride
is one Of our wealthiest merchants,
and the yellow fyste limped off with
knowing look in his eye, and saucy
curl in his tail, as much as to say.
Who else wants to try me?'''
The ambidexter was summarily
"fred."