The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-09-17
AN AMRIDEXTER.
a Reporter Astempts ia Furnish Copy al
Double elts Usual Hate OF speed ANA Gets
Things Mixed.
kansas City Journal.l

Double llis Usuai Hat. OF speed ana tets
Things Mixed.
kansas City Journal.l
There is reporter at the Times Office
who writes with equal rapidity with either
hand He is an ambidexter, and bold,
bad one at that. When there is a rush
of work ut the Office and the devil is
shouting "copee" like fiend incarnate
this useful reporter sits down at his desk
in full company front, and, with pen
Gil in each hand, sings off local happsn-
ings by the yard. He writes on two
sheets at once, and don't let his right
hand know what his left hand is driving
at, but it's driving all the same.
Yesterday he got little off his mental
base, and attempted to write up dog
fight and wedding in high life at the
same time. He got things mixed. His
hands ran clear away with the gray mat
ter i'll his skull, and things became terri
bly, confused. This is the way his items
telescoped each other:
At Grace church, last night, the nup-
ials of Mr. Thomas johnson and Miss
Julia Lawrence were celebrated in most
magnificent style. A costly floral horse
shoe being directly over the alter, and
anger darting from the eyes of the brin-
die fyste he opened with the impressive
strains of the wedding march. AS the
handsome couple walked down the aisle
the excited crowd began to get frantic,
and there were yells OFFS Sick 'em, Bull"
AT him now, Towser," as the spectators
became interested in the fight. The
bride was elegantly attired in pure white
of the most costly fabrics, and she wore
the traditional white veil and wreath of
orange blossoms had him by the neck
and his tongue began to loll out and his
eyes to turn somersaults as if in the GUS
tomary black dress suit, white gloves,
ears cropped close to his head. He was
q disreputable looking dog in the begin
ming, and ought to have been whipped
for being so homely. He is of good fam
lily and is engaged in one of the most
extensive manufacturing enterprise In
the West. But the yellow cur seemed to
be getting the advantage, as he had now
succeeded in getting death grip on the
throat of the big brindle, and when he
tenderly kissed the bride according to
with mud and his off hind leg was terri
Dly cueWeu up.
Among the costly presents received by
the happy pair were a fine grand piano
from the father of the bride hair had
been scalded from his back and one eye
seemed to have been struck with an augur.
After short bridal tour the happy pair
will settle down to one of the hardest
fought battles the reporter has yet wit
messed, and it was difficult to tell which
dog had been punished worst. The fight
ended at exactly 4:4S, after having been
bitterly contested for an hour and half
were driven to the residence of the brides
parents, and he was taken to his owners
home III a wheelbarrow He will prob
ably never recover, and if he does will be
totally blind. Besides being permanently
lame i'll the left hind leg, the beautiful
bride received the congratulations of n
host of friends. The groom is one of our
most promising young men, and his
owner breads the possibility of losing
him as he fears he can never replace him.
The father of the bride is one of our
wealthiest merchants, and the yellow
fyste limped off with a knowing look in
his eye and saucy curl in his tail, rs
much as to say: "Who else wants to
try me?'
The ambidexter was summary ''fired. Z"