The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-07-09
miscellaneous.
MY Wife's Bridal Tour.

When married my second wife, she was
dreadful set about going off for bridal tour.
told her she'd better wait six months or II
year, and I'd try togo with her, but she said
she'd rather go alone-wheu u woman was
travelling, a man was an out .and-oGt hum
bug.
So gave her sevcnty-fve cents, and told
her to go off and have u good time. never
begrudge money where my wife's happiness
is concerned. My first wife never could
complain ofgoing anywhere, for Pm dreadful
fierce to go off on good time myself, and
always was. don't pretend to say how many
times took her out to see the engine squirt,
and there was no end to free lectures l let her
go to. The neighbors used to say
at does beat all how the SINNERS go y
When Signor Blitz was in Skunkville, with
his wonderful canaries, he gave my wife a
complimentary ticket. | not only sold that
money. don't boast. oft TO show how much
thought of my wfes happiness. | don't
think any man ought to get married until he
can consider his wife's happiness only second
to his own. John Wise, n neighbor of mine,
did thusly, and when got married conclud-
cd to do it like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case of my
second wife. No, should say not. Ibroach-
ed the subject kindly:
Matilda" l said, 81 suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and master"
"Not much you amt"
"NIrs. Skinner" / replied, 'you are fear
fully demoralized; you need recognizing at
once. You are cranky"
And brandished my new sixty-two cent
umbrella wildly around her. She took the
umbrella away from me and locked me up in
the clothes press.
am quick to draw an inference and the
inference drew was that | was not success
as n re organizer of female women.
After this changed my tactics. let her
have her own way, and the plan worked to q
charm from the very first. It's the best way
of managing a wife that know of. Ofcourse
this between you and me.
So when my wife said she was bound to go
off on bridal tour, | cordially consented.
go, Matilda" said |, "and stay as long as
you want to then il you feel as though you
would like to stay a little longer, stay, my
dear, stay.
| She told me to stop talking and go up stairs
and get her red flannel night-cap, and that
bag of penny-royal for her Aunt Abigail
My wife Is n very smart woman. She was
| a Baxter, and the Baxters are very smart
family, indeed Her mother, who is going on
eighty, can fry more slapjacks now than half
| those primmed-up city girls who rattle on the
piano, OF else walk the streets with their fur
| bellows and FILINGS, pretending to get mad if
| youth looks at 'em pretty hard, but getting
| mad in earnest ifyou don't notice them ut all
Ali! girls amt what they used to be when
| | was young, and the fellows are worse still
When went counting for instance, / never
| thought of staying after ten o'clock, and only
| went twice week. Now they go seven
nights in the week, and cry because there
amt eight. Then there were touching notes
to each other during the day:
Dear George, doyou love me as much now
| as you did at quarter-past twelve last night
Say you do dearest, and it will give me cour-
age to go down to dinner and tackle them
cold beans left over from dinner yesterday"
Well, well, suppose they enjoy themselves
and it amt for us old folks, whose hearts are
little calloused by long wear, to interfere
Let them get together and court if they like
| it-and | think they do. | was forty-seven
when courted my present wife, but it SEEM
ed just as nice to sit on cricket at her feet
and let her smooth my hair rs it did thirty
years ago.
| As said before, my wife is very smart
woman, but she could not be anything else
and be Baxter. She used to give lectures
on Woman's Rights, and in one place where
she lecturcd big college conferred the title
Of l.. 5. ID. on her. But she wouldn't take
it.
"No, gentlemen" she said, "givc it to the
poor"
She was always just SO charitable. She
gave my boys permission to so barefoot all
Winter, and insisted upon it so much in her
kind way that they couldn't refuse.
She fairly dotcs on my children, and I've
seen her many time go to their trowsers
pockets and take out their pennies, after they'd
got to sleep, and put them in the bureau
drawer for fear they might lose them.
started to tell you about my wife's bridal
tour, but the fact is ! never could find out