Ashtabula weekly telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1880-1886, 1880-05-28
NAsBY
Mr.. Nasty Leaves thc Good Patriot riiden
and Returns 90 Hcntucis..
[Nrom tho Toledo Blhdc1

caracter, the gilelisnis NV materially
simple nacher, which contact with the
world hez never corrupted, and his
general child-like trust in the iestis NV
his fellow-men, all combine to make
him man wich TO sec is to love, and
wich to be in confidenshal relashuns
with him, in a monetary way, is to be
supported
l hev bin for several weeks residin at
the Harp Nv Erin Tavern, hard by
Grammercy Park, arrangin Kentucky
for the sage NV Moo York 1t is need
lis to add that / don't pay my own
board. In the interests NV his common
kentry, the good Mr.. Tilden has the
bill sent to hisself, for he recognizesthe
fact that the labror for his common
kentry is entitled to his daily bred, and
a libral allowance for hllker and the
| other nessaries NV life. The good Mr.
Iilden hez ten or a dozen patriots nv
my kind at the same place, and life
with us is not altogether gloomy We
all sleep in one room, but there are
three meals day, and unlimited credit
at the bar A man wich cant live on
that is Sybarite wich hez no place in
virchus Republic
concluded Kentucky Yesterday, and
start for home to-morrer. | he'd two
hours with Mr.. Tilden, the good Tilden,
and we fixed the hull matter.
81 don't want to be President sed
the gilelis old man, "but the good NV
our common kentry demands It, A man
wich won't make sacrifices for his ken
try shood be compelled to live under a
corrupt aristocracy. How is Kunnel
Plunger, NV CovingtonP'
1.-The Kunnel is for Thurman sedI.
"Tell the Kunnel that ef that dee
strick goes for me he shell hev the post
oils at COvington, and that mortgage
on his house will be attended to. No
patriot wich wants to be President will
pay him more than l will, wich is
drawd out NV retiracy reluctantly, and
solely for the good NV common ken
try"
replide that l thot that would fix
the Kunnel. Referring to memoran-
dum-book marked Kentucky, he went
on:
General Podger, NV Lexinton, hez
bin sayin suthin for Bayard. 1t won't
do. Eff my suherin keutry eex me to
the Presidency, witch | consent to sole
ly on its account, and against my will,
sich money ez he eXpends in kerryin the
destrik furnisht him, and his bills shell
not be looked into very closely In say
ing ones kentry a patriot must be lib
raj. Wat is paltry dross compared with
the good Nv ones kentryP And Major
NJ Grath?"
l replied that the Major wuz not al
together satisfied with givin the sage
NV Moo York the nomination, but that l
wuz satisfied he wuz waitin to be seen.
"See him. Find out eggsackly how
much he wants, and promise him any
thing in the way NV oflises that he re-
quires. In the great work NV savin
ones common kentry, promises can't
be too freely made. Offer him the
post-oilis there"
Honored and patriotic sir" re-
piled, I" that offs hez bin already prom
ised to three men,
" Hev they sense.enuff to keep their
mouths shut till afterthe Convenshun?n
g | feer not, patriotic and honored
sir''
"Then offer him furrin mishn, and
a small amount NV money in hand.
Thank the Lord" sed he ferventlv,
" for frrrin mishuns Yoo don't hey
to specify, and there are great
many NV 'em. YOo can't hey two
Post-Otfices in one place; but there
are great many furrin mishuns, and q
great many more kin be made, eff need
be, to save our common kentry. | hev
alluz believed that our common kentrv
wuz not properly representa- abroad,
and that there ought to be at leest one
Consul for every Congressional Deest-
rik, and twict ez many full mishuns. l
hate to double up, but what kin l
dOP Their amt nothin l won't sacri-
flee to our common kentry. For
its sake l am bein drawd ont NV retire
ment; for its sake am willing to serve
ez its President; for its sake | am will
in to open just ez many bar'ls ez my
unbought friends desire; and shel I
hesitate for its sake to promise the same
offs to five menP Never! No troo pa
triot wood balk at so small a thing eZ
that. Let EN- come. They shel hev all
they want. Kin Kunnel Simmons be
depended onto?"
"Honored and patriotic sir, Kun
mel Simmons adores you in his heart, |
am certain. But the Kunnel is labrin
under tinanshel troubles, and he hez
hesitated to see witch candidate wood
Civ" .....
g understand the Kunnel, and | am
his man. Ashoor the Kunnol that the
Collectorship ov his district -"
But, honored and patriotic SIR" 1
replied, looking at my memorandum,
81 that otiis hez bin promist to four men
alreddy."
$50 it hez," replied the patriot, $50
it hez. Very good. He must hev a
furrin mishn. Tell him to select anv
one he likes, and give him my word for
it. VIII that anserP"
Better than anything, The Kunnel
is so heavily in debt that residence
abroad wood SCOT him better than to
remain at home. He Good hev the flag
NV our common kentry waving oyer his
oils, wich wood console him for his
eggsile. He wood prefer the
flag NV his common kentry over his offs
in Guatemaula to the Sheriff flag over
his house in Kentucky. The Sheriff har
is lurid red, and is not variegated
enutf for him.
There wuz some more ARRANGEMENTS
NV like nacher, when 1 bid the great
and good man good-by, and departed
for my feeld NV labor,
'Don' forgit,' said he, as he wrung
my hand at partin, "that the Collector
ship at Louisville is yourn.
shan forgit it, but ez it hez bin
promised to six other patriots, to nv
certin knollege, l shan't buy a brown
stun house Tomorrow on the strength
nv it, Whether git that or not, l hev
{ot, wat | hev in my pokket, and l
shel hev the post-ollis at the Corners,