St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1880-05-21
Squibs.

Young men should go West and blow
up with the country. ,-t
"Alcohol will clean silver.n Yes, al
cohol well stuck to will clean out all
the silver you have got.
The report that the baby elephant
was born with yalise instead of Il
trunk is incorrect.
The exasperated owner of corner
store in Augusta, Me-, has put up
sign reading "Wanted, the 10 LATEST
men III town-to loaf on this corner"
'No, William" she mournfully utter
ed, still allowing him to retain the
hand. ''No, William, I can't marry
you. | don't believe you can provide a
wife with butter upon your present sal
airy, and can't eat oleomargarinen
A school teacher, who had Just been
telling the story of David, ended with,
'And all this happened over 5000 years
ago." A little cherub, its blue ewes
opening wide with wonder, said, after
moments thought, 'Oh, dear, ma'am,
what memory you have got !"
A tenderfoot lately arrived in Lead
vile, in eating plate of hash at res
taurant, being very hungry he neglected
to chew it properly, and swallowed
large coat button. They doctored him
for pneumonia three days before he was
able TO explain. Then they fed him u
big button-hole tied to a string and
fished it out in no time. Now he screens
all his hash through a cane-bottOm
chair very carefully before eating.
The placing of stamps upside down
on letters is prohibited. Several post
masters have recently been seriously
injured while trying to stand on their
heads to cancel stamps placed in this
manner. ..... ...,
YES" said a witness, 'I remember
the defendants mother crying on the
occasion referred to. She was weeping
with her left eye-the only one she has
and the tears were running down her
right cheek" "What,n exclaimed the
Judge, chow could that be 2" 'tPlease
your honor" said the witness, 'she was
awfully cross eyed"
Two ragged urchins we're gazing
Wistfully III at the window upon fine
display of candies, around which an
early lily was buzzing, when one said
confidentially, "Bill. don't you know
answered Billy. you'd like to be pres
i"ShO- an 81 IIcSlucDB 'ts cOD-
temptuously exclaimed the first. ssI'd
rather be that air fly in thar with the
candy than all the presidents that ever
lived.n IIj On Ftf
A boy can imagine almost anything
he can lug an old shotgun about all
day without firing at living thing,
and be under the impression that he is
having bowling good time. But all
attempts to induce a boy to imagine
that he is killing Indians when he is
saving wood have proved futile.
A capital anecdete is told of a little
fellow, who in turning over the leaves
OF scrap-beok came across the we'll
known picture of some chickens inst
out OF their shell. s.My companion ex-
amlned the picture carefully. and then.
win a grave, sagacious look at me.
slowly remarked, They came out 'cos
they was afraid of being boiled.'" '+t-
ODE TO A FISH WORM. " ''.
Unlucky creature! When the cruel hook
lmpales thee, ere plunge thee in the brook, l
Thou canst not, by an agonzing yell ao.1l 81
The fearful tOrtures thou endurest tell
Ihou canst not, by thy countenance, express
Ihy awful suffering and dire distress j4'i
lis only in thy power to twist and souirm. al
But can tell what that dost mean, o worml
And shall all this pain infict ON theeq
No; I'll show mercy-Hal What do I see t@n
In yonder pool so deepq tits trohtl 5lgs
a big three -pounderl must have him outl .
For what are you to such prize, o worml
Thy hour has comel Get on that hook DON'T
squirml -Haii1 t4ttf -GG gGo
Hal You'resist mel Twill avail thee nought.
That trout still waits for thee 1t must be caught
Oh, drat! I've dropped the worm, and too. nv
snum -4.4 ltil'.
That cussed hook I've baited with my thumb,g
Confound the thing I've lost that worm and
more
The trout made off the minute that 1 swore.