The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1880-06-18

young hopeful sat down. on a tack.
Then the mqsic started and the bawl
began.
They went fishing. She looked
languidly at him and said, al wish
thA fish would bite at your hook; If
was fish would"
The sick man had been brought
back as if by miracle from the very
gates of death. t'It is too bad" says
the clergyman; she'll never be half
as ready TO die as 1 had him this
time. never took such pains with a
sinner before.
A gentleman sprang to assist her,
And picked up her muf and her
wrfster;
s'Did you ma'am?" he cried,
ftDo you think" she replied,
sat down for the fun Of It, mister?"
A Frenchman.R writing a letter in
English TO friend, and looking in
the dictionary for the word sspreserve"
and finding it meant to pickle, wrote
as follows: ssAIay you and your fam
lily be picked to all eternity"
The editor of a newspaper that has
adopted phonetic spelling in a meas
ure received a postal card from an old
subscriber in the country, which read
as follows: 81 hev tux your paper
for leven yeres, but If you kant spell
emmy better than you have been doin
fur the las to munths- you may jes
stOpit.n
"Prisoner at the bar" said the
Judge, as there anything you wish
upon yOu?'' The prisoner looked
wistfulIy toward the door, and re-
marked that he would like to say
"Good Evening" il it would be
agreeable to the company
"No real generous man," remarks
an exchange, fswould 60 to spiritual
seanee given by a lady medium, and,
just as the ghost is walking about
(whiIe the medium is tied in the
cabinet, J exelaim There's a mouse
right by the ghost" It spoils the ef-
feet to have the ghost yell and gather
up its skirts and run.
When a young lady tripped into a
music-store, the other day, and asked
the bashful clerk in attendance for
ssTw0 Kisses" he jammed on his.
hat and rushed out the back door.
The clerk, never having heard of the
piece OF music, thought he was the
victim of a leap-year prodosal, and
his salary was not large enough to
support two.
Little George was taken TO church
last Sunday for the first time. or
course he was Piled with questions
when he got home-what he think Of
this, that and the other, what did he
see and what did he hear. "What
did the minister say, Georgie?" ask
ed his mother. HHe said sDreat
Dod!' dust way papa did fodder day
when he was putting down tarpet,
and hit his finger wiv Um vammer. y
Patrick saw a bull paving in A
field, and thought how amusing it
would be to jump o9eT, catch him
by the horns and rub his nose in the
dirt. The idea was so funny that he
laughed TO think of it. The more he
thought of it the fannier it seemed,
and he determined to do If. Bovus
quickly tossed him over the fence.
Somewhat, bruised, Patrick Ieisurely
picked himself up, with the very
eOnsolatory reflection: eWeIl, it is
moighty foine thing I had my laugh
foorst."
A clergyman who had been travel
ing in remote part Of the West was
asked by pioHs old lady if he saw
any encouraging signs of the spread
ef religion. 81 heard something. y
said he, rather hesatatingIy, "which
ysu might possibly cali encouraging.
As passed a cabin, a woman cried
out to her daughter: 'Jerushy Ann
you mean, snarly-headed cuss. come
right into prayersv +" cat another
place." ne added, eI asked a good
woman II she had opportunities of
hearing gcGd sermon. tHo.' she
replied. "Our only religious privi-
Iege consists of occasional funerals. y
A Cleveland lawyer defending a
handsome young lady charged with
larceny, closed his appeal to tine Jury
thus: aGentlemen you may hang
the ocean on q grapevine to dry, ,lasso
an avalanche, pin napkin 10 the
mouth ofa volcano, skim the clouds
from the sky with a teaspoon. throw
salt on the tail of our noble American
eagle, whose sIeepless eye watches
over the welfare Of the nation; paste
sF'or Rent on the moon and stars.
but never for a moment deIude YOUR
selves with the idea that this charm
ing girl is guilty Of the charge pre-
ferred against herr The jury ae-
quilted her without leaving their
seats.
Don't forget it, You can get the Chicago