Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-10-29
F. u n

F. u n
A little washing soda was wanted for
clearing purposes, so George was given a
dime and dispatched to the corner to get
it. George soon returns, but no soda.
"Why didn't you get the soda. George?'
chorused the family.
81 did,"
'sWhere is it, then?''
ssDrank ito
eyes; the man said it wouldn't keep to
bring home"
A new light dawns on the family's mind.
1t asks eagerly:
''What did you ask for?''
Soda
''Did you say aoashing soda.''
Washing soda? No; only soda.'
Family laughs as though it were crazy.
George doesn't know what all the fun's
about, but he is subsequently heard to say !:
THAT was boss drink!''
ut didn't use to 5e so,;' SIGHED the poor
fellow, thoughtfully rubbing his shining
scalp. "When we first hitched, thought
I was the superintendent, but after year
or two of argyin' the pint. l settled down
to shown the car at low wages. kin lick
any man o. my age an size, /" cried the old
gentleman, banging the saloon table with
his wrinkled fist. "I'll shoot, stand up.
or rough-an' tumble for coin; but when I
hang my hat on the peg in the hall, an
hear the old woman ask if that's me, tell
you the starch comes right out O. me.''
A big, fat colored woman came to the
Galveston chief of police and told him that
her stepson had run away and she wanted
to know where he was. cit bodders me
to know why he left. He had everything
he needed to make him cumfable. I done
all could for him." she observed. s'Has
he any marks by which he may be recog-
nized ?'' "Well, I don't reckon all de
marks made on him wild bed slat, while
de ole man was holdin' him, has faded out
yit."
1t is said that one, when drowning, is
confronted in a twinkling with his whole
life. All that he ever thought, or said, or
felt, or did especially all that was bad
rushes upon him. and crowds and embit-
tiers his memory. One need not drown in
order to have such experience. He has
only to become a candidate for constable
president.
When old Mrs. Bunsby had got through
reading in the morning paper an account
of the last fire she turned her spectacles
from her eyes to the top of her head and
remarked: eff the city fremen would wear
the generwine hum knit stockints, such as
we make and wear in the country, they
wouldn't be Dustin of their hose at every
fire.
1t is almost impossible to hire an honest
servant in Galveston. A gentleman told
his colored servant the other day: 'Matil-
dy, if you will bring back the right change
from market every morning l III give a dol
lar a month extra" ''Dat ar won't near
cover it. You hasn't got no idea what
big business dis hea firm is doin'.''
just as Brooklyn citizen called his five
year old son into the house the other day
a playmate gave the boy slap in the face
and he ran to his father for protection
s'My so,'' said the fond father, s'when
boy hits you like that, you must always
strike back.'' "Oh, papa. I did. hit him |
yesterday
A young artist who lives in boarding
house wants to know how he can learn to |
play the violin without disturbing the |
other boarders. ''Soap your bow, young
man, and battle the strings twice day in
sweet oil. Then you can sit up all night
and play overtures, and nobody will mind |
it,"
The three men who captured Andre |
were playing cards in the bushes as be rode |
up. Had they not come there to play cards |
he would have escaped, and our country |
been lost, Let us take the right bower OF |
hearts for our national ensign.
A poet weighing 200 pounds yearns ''to
twitter as bird on some lone spray."
When he gets on spray and begins to |
twitter there is going to be an item for the
local paper, unless the spray is as thick as
an underground gas pipe.
When old Mrs. Pinaphor heard that a
certain young lady had ''gone to Europe
to catch husband she innocently OBJ |
served, "Why, is there no one in this
country who will have the girl?'' It
really does look that way.
What is the first thing to be done in
case Of fire ?" asked Professor Stearns'
''Sue the insurance company" promptly
answered the boy at the foot Of the class,
whose father had been burned out once or
twice.
Speaking of the new mosquito netting
Marx Twain writes: ''The day is coming
when we shall sit under our nets in church
and slumber peacefully, while the discom-
fitted flies club together and take it out on
on the minist err
ssScience enumerates 588 species of Or
ganic forms in the air we breathe.' Just
think of it Every time you draw breath
a whole geological garden slips down your
windpipe, and no free tickets to the press.
Whenean Indian doctor has lost five pa
tients, the survivors of the tribe send him
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