The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-01-22
UartetY.
SOME MORE CHRONOLOGY


During the year just buried and swept over, sew.
eral things happened which will never be men.
toned In the dictionary or encyclopedia, but
should be remembered by the public all the
same
The number Of men who pulled their gun
toward them BY the muzze was about fifty. One
trial will satisfy you that 1t never fails.
Eighteen hundred and Beventy.nin was q
good year for the fool who points unloaded re-.
vOlvers at his aunt and other folks. He managed
to keel over about twenty victims, and Ia real
sorry" for it. He wouldn't have done 1t for moth.
ing, you know.
During the dead year eleven paragrapheIs got
off jokes on their mother.in law and then softly
slipped into their last resting place beneath the
willows. It Is well. Nobody has yet missed
them.
The number Of orators who In 1873 began their
speeches with, "Fellow citizens Of this glorious
country" was eighty five; the number In 1879
was only eighty four. Let us be thankful for
small favors and have hopes Of the future
The kerosene eau showed decided falling of
In activity. Only seventeen females hurried up
the Are.
ofthe one hundred and fifty,two householders
who borrowed shot guus and took dead aim at
that internal cat" three hit the cat and tine re-
mainder knocked over small boys and other live
stock, and are now wondering how on earth they
could possibly have done it.
Eighteen hundred aud seventy nine was q
good year for deaf persons to go visiting. Thirty
four OF them took the railroad track 10 save dis
lance. The day express was on time
The last year was also noticed for the number
Of persons who took quiet smoke after going to
bed, fell asleep and passed into q better land at
the expense Of insurance companies. A clay
pipe and cents worth OF tobacco are all the out.
ht needed.
The number Of kind hearted people who went
out hunting, and mistook q friend for wild tur.
key fox or grizzly and peppered him dead was
fourteen, with Rhode Island to hear from. Every
one Of them felt bad enough to cry, but mistakes
will happen In all families.
The sea serpent was seen only nine times dur
ing 1879. This may influence some persous to
believe that he is gradually dying out and will
soon become extinct but there is no danger Of
it-not with the present brand Of sea captains
The number Of mothers who left rat poison and
other fatal doses where the children could get at
them was twenty one. This Is a decrease over
the previous year, and In the dim future woman.
kind may possibly realize the fact that children,
cats, rats, cockroaches and ants are susceptibly
to the same influence.
During 1879 only two householders mistook the
hired girl for burglar and popped her dead.
There Is consequently no demand for national
convention Of hired girls to discuss the question:
Shall we wear bullet.prooi corsets and demand
more wagesi"
The number Of men who suddenly and myste-
rlously disappeared during 1879 was very large,
and the number who turned up after a three
days drunk was perfectly amazing, and the re-
turns are still coming In by every mail.
Eighteen hundred aud seventy nine produced
no Improvements In drawing teeth; no consola.
tion for the man who has to have his hair cut: 40
better method for breaking In new boots; but no
new route for embezzlers to get into Canada; no
way Of getting along on the street cars except to
stand up, aud no new way TO get back small
loans. Considering as whole, she wasn't any.
thug extra Of year, even for bad weather.-De-
tr0n Free Press.