Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1880-11-27
seoopenduke,s suspenders.

as he stretched himself anu drew on ms
pantaloons. you've cleaned these trowsers up
first rate. This is what call economy il
saves money. If I'd taken 'em 10 the tai
lor's it vonld have cost couple OF dollars
at least. and you've saved just that amount"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke went TO his abutions
and then pulled on his shirt.
"Tll clean your coat, too, if you like
said Nrs. Spoopendyke. Leave itat home
some day and III take this spot out OF Che
sleeve. and Mrs. Spoopendyke hustled a.
round and looked delighted with the idea oil
pleasing: :her husband.
Where's my suspcndersl" asked Nrl
Spoopendyke screwing himself around and
looking down his back. You didn't clean
the suspenders clear out of sight, didyou.
"They were there when you put on your
pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke. " havn't
touched them What did YOU do with
them?"
"Oh, yes. certainly l did something
with them What dye 'spose did with
them? Think SCI em up in business some
where. don't We? Got an idea gave 'eln
vacation 10 GO fishing, havn't ye' Well |
didn't. end more'n that | didn't send EN- a.
way to be educated for the ministry.
Where's nv snspenders? Whered you put
'em? 'Spose I'm going around holding these
pants NJ all day? Think got TO business
interests besides holding on my breechea
with both hands? Whatd you do with the
measly things2"
| know didn't take them of the pants"
said Mrs. Spoopendykc, pulling open tho
bureau drawers and hustling things around
in vain endeayor to find the missing arh'
clcs.
"Maybe ! can fix your pants so yon won't
need any suspenders to-day, and III md
them before night" suggested Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke.
That's IT, You've got it," raycd Mr.
Spoopendyke How are you going to fix
'em Going to tie .hem on with shOe-string,
/ like YOU do your bustle9 Going TO walk a
round behind me all day and hold EN- onY
P'raps YOU can pull em up and button 'enl
around nv neck. How dye propose TO Tx
EN-? Going 70 put 'em on me upside Gown
40 if they tall they'll fall upy II bad your
head Id 90 out TO service a 4 file. FIX EN-,
why don't We? Why doatye fix emf Ihese
trowscrs are getting sick 1T the stomach
waiting to be fixed" and Mr. Spoopendyke
! shot across the room and diyed under tire
wardrobe in search OF the lost susponders.
"They must be there somewhere"
"Show EN- to me ,henW demanded 9tr(
Snoopendyke, "take a stick and point en-
/ ont tomel Ofcoursc they re here somewhere,
only iu.t put your thumb on emf Can't
We recollect whether ye made EN- up into
hat band, for the heather like you did my
dressing-cown, or whcthcryou planted them
| 10 see If they would grow, ike yon-did my
straw hat? Think they walked on IKE
croton bug? Spose those suspendcrs have
| taken their girl TO q picnic? What kind oi
/ housekeeping dye call this, anyhow?
/ Where's my suspendefs?' howled hr. cpoo-
pcndyke. pol,ing around in thesoiied clothes
! bag. where's those suspenders2' and he
pulled the books of the shelf and runaged
around behind tire case with broom-han-
! die for divining rod.
"Just let me buckle them tight behind,
said Mrs. Spoopendyke: the strap will
! hold them"
"That's the schemew shricked Ir. Spoo-
pendykc, "something's got 10 hold them!
Z If was as sharp rs you I'd get rich hiring
out for an oyster-kniie. All YOU want Il TO
} have somebody sit cross-legged on you and
come home two weeks after you're expected
to be tailor-shop Going TO find those srs-
penders between now and the next war;
81 know they were on his pants when he
nut them on" unused Mrs. SpoOpendyke,
entering upon little inductye reasoning
He didn't take them of, and so they must
be there now and the good woman ap-
preached her husband with n smile.
"Oh now they're going 70 be fixed, y said
/ Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a horrible grim.
"P'raps you're going TO cut button-holes in
your hands and feet and hang over my
4 shoulders. amt ycl Want me 70 put EN-
on over my head, like n mcasly skirt with
two tucks and Aounce to il, don't ye 2.
Maybe YOU think those suspendcrs hurried
down TO breakfast, SOS TO get the first crack
at the morning paper, don't YEP
But Mrs Spoopendyke made no response.
: Opening the back Of her husbands lut;er-
ing shiri. she saw the missing snspenders.-
I He had slipped them over his flannel before
assuming the muslin, aud had forgotten all
about them.
Smart rs whip, nin't ye?' growled Mr.
! Spoopendyke, AZ he drew off his shirt and
let the suspendcrs down. Ii my head was
as clear ~ yours I'd hire out for church
bell. You only need four lenses and a drop
of rainwater 10 be & microscope" And
Spooyendyke hurried on .bis clothes and
1 scuttlcd down stairs 10 get the morning pa
per before his wife could make clutch at
/ it -BrOokiH EdQi,