Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-09-24
HaWk-Eyetems.

mlnlstering chlorofCrm, that's hush
money.
A oHe-eyed man o. West Hill says he
always looks at friends vices with his
faults eye.
When David Davis has the neuralgia.
the bloomington typos irreverently
speak of it as a " fat ache
Goldsmith wrote the Deserted Vii
lage" Just after lie had returned from a
visit to Washington in July.
Let US have more light" as the
grocer said when he plugged the lead
into the wrong end Of the scales.
A young man who fell in love with
Nilsson addressed her poem begin
ming, Swede spirit, hear my prayer"
If David Davis arm was only as vari-
able as his politics, he would make the
boss curve pitcher of crack base ball
club.
A Linn county hen has latched forth
two chicks with three legs apiece. The
old girl must be getting up third
party.
One of the uses of adversely is to en-.
able your reighbors to buy all your
new furniture at about o per cent OF
store prices.
Goliath complained about the sings
OF outrageous fortuEe long before Ham
let At least, he would had he thought
Of it, or been allowed time.
1t would have been great medicine
for some Of the early missionaries ii
they lad sent DR.. Tanner down to the
Sandwich Island about two months in
advance.
If the Fourth Of July comes on the
fifth what day does the fifth come on?
-B!00mihgton Eye. The fifth, we pre-
sumo, is Frustrated with sixnesS and
fails to come forth.
The shoemaker carries awl before him
and hangs on to the last. -Steu5enrilie
Herald. Nothing strange in that. 1t
is the sole object of his life and ever
uppermost in his thoughts.
This is ground (d) (h) og e. day."
as the butcher said when he was grind
ing up the sausage meat. And none of
the customers could swear positively
just what it was that he did say.
A correspondent writes from Mon.
mouth, Illinois: Who is the hand
soonest editor in the United States 2"
We really do not know, but you write
to Mrs. Burdette, she can tell you.
There was young fellow from France
Attended all Arkansas Gance:9
h e was hit with brick,
And throwed in the Tcreek,
And hung up to dry By his pants.
HProuourc d, in Arkansaw, "krick,"
Ahem." said the sewing machine,
looking with loveburning eyes at tho
needle. TT g all in my eye!' said the
needle. Do you catch the thread of
their conversation ?-PhHadelphia Item.
Wheel think it over and give you the
point if we can have your tension when
Bob's in.
The Temperance peoplear displeased
because DR.. Tanner drinks SO much
wine since his fast. Never mind that,
cold water friends; he drinks wine now,
hut it vas water that KEEP. nina alive
forty days, you know. Let some man
try forty days on whisky straight and
see where he'll be.
Some poet says, "a smile embellishes
Ill AhiCkioA AhSC sAAA ACuCCuS I'LL ugly
one." Good, Mr.. Poet, not when it
plays over the satisfied countenance of
man who has just beat you clear out
OF your boots in four straight games OF
croquet. 1t only makes him uglier.
And he was ugly enough before, good
ness knows.
"Take the elevator" is the kindly
looking sign on the fence OF meadow
only two miles out OF Burlington. And
curious reader climbed over that
fence to look for the elevator. He
found it, took it on the return trip and
got over the fence in less than half the
time il took him going in. The eleva-
tor was dark brindle in color, had
curl in the middle of his forehead, and
when he paved the ground and talked
bass, you couldn't see nor hear any
thing but dust and thunder.
Last Sunday two boys out on South
Hill ran away from home and went a.
fishing, caught six catfish, killed a
snake, trapped a brown thrush, and
then on their way home found a circus
ticket aud ten cents. And all that Rob-
ert Ingersoll has said and written hasn't
done one half as much to injure the
Sunday schools of South Hill and dis
turb the settled faith of the younger
boys. Some boy will have to be
drowned to counteract the influence
! for evil which the adventures of these
two wicked boys are welding.
Some printers are dreadfully high
toned aud above their business. Now,
only last week an old granger went into
the government printing office at Wash
ington and said he wanted to order
huNdred and fifty sale bills, quarter
sheet, with a horse cut at the top and a
barnyard cut in the middle and a blank
place left to write in the date and-but
when he got this far the poor old man
began to CONCEAL, and inside of fifteen
minutes he was carried cut of the build.
ing, froze solid. There isn't another
print shop in America where such a job
would be refused.
Old Deacon Bullaby and Deacon
Saitslow are both members Of the same
church in Burlington, but the former
is stalwart Republican, and Deacon
Saitslow, who is bad or rather good
?