Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-02-12
All Sorts.
A waul hower-The cat.
Groan nersons-Inval,ds.

A waul fiower-The cat.
Groan persons-Invallds.
A -four party-The baker.
A joint affair-Rheumatism.
The glory of woman is her heir.
Crows feet are the caws Of care.
Ministers of the interior-Cooks.
Is a retired fireman an ex-spurt?
A name not borne to die-Smith.
Presence of mind-Bits Of advice.
Although it is leap-year don't 'iope.
A rousing address-Time to get up.
Spare ribs-the sealed wives of Utah.
Tt looks like winter has been counted
out.
The corncuring hero-The chiropo-
dist.
Pockets are always ripe enough to
pick.
Three of a kinda pawnbi oker's
sign.
Sporismen never object to banging
hare.
Indians are not so red as they are
painted.
Time galIops under the spur of the
moment.
Smythekins calls it 1.-THE decorative
wOmania."
The rabbit is timid but no cook can
make it quail.
The young mans first razor-Her
fathers boots.
Denis Kearney's weapon-"The CHI
nese mus git"
A good place for a bucket-shop-Next
door to cooper.
The wicked flea, when no man pur-
sueth, biteth yehemeDtly.
New York policeman cannot be de-
sribed as scamp-followeIs.
It is thought Boston people have
bean-soup-erstitious always.
The earliest mention of neckwear is
that of Jobs tn. ee comic. ters.
Macy capitalists desire to be under
rated onlv by the tax collector.
The driver of the iron horse must
we'll know how to haodle his steam.
The princ:pa! bulls on the market
are made by the men who bear all the
losses.
Is it not singular that no one has got
up corner on lOafers, just to Offset The
loafers, on corner?
Spicer SAYS his collar button is like
the celebration of the Fourth of July
it is sure to come off.
It is in just such dreamy, delightful
weather as the present that spring
chickens are planted.
When you say that girls bair is
like coal it is just as well to specify
that you do not mean red-hot coal.
The beauty of a mans parting his
hair in the middle appears to be that it
gives both ears an equal chance TO flap.
Horn was a fat man,
Cox was lean;
Both tried to make jokes
The worst ever seen.
Mr.. 1'ennyson's heroines "Minnie
and Winnie slept in shell" doubtless
because they were afraid Hanlan would
saw the boat.
IT doesn't annoy fellow half so
much to bave his heart bleed for the
poor as it does to have his nose bleed for
three minutes.
A little girl looking out of The wiz
dow the other day saw hearse go past
and cried:out, "Look mamma here, goes
the sky 'buss."
A sally of wit-Sarah Bernhardt, OBJ
serving the Prince Of Wales badness,
recently told him the crown of EGG land
would fit him to hajc!
This is the season when the draft
which comes in through the open doc,
makes many a man sbudder. Particu-
larly if it is sight draft.
Nothing could possibly startle an an.
tiquated virgin more than to receive
an offer of marriage. Eut of course az
old maid never gets sir-priZe.
When lovely woman stoops 10 folly
Aud spends her time ia wat, ing pla ats
She'd better soothe her melancholy,
And sew the buttons on our pants.
Many young lady who aspires te
fame via pencil, brush and canvas
would become "rising artist" at once
If she would turn her attention to bread
making.
A country editor being asked, edo
hogs pay?" SAYS a great many do not
They take the paper for several years
and then have the postmaster send il
back Refused
Eyes, cover up the fire, dear,
ltsurely must be coaled
It often is exposed to draught-
At least that's what Pm told.
The fire should be grateful, true,
It's not exposed 70 storm.
When covered by a mantle, why
OF course it should be warm"
A boy arose one winter morn
And came to breakfast rather late,
Yet raised q fuss because there was
No nice pancake upon his plate.
His father took him DER his knee;
D~sc = lit, = 10 r.