The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-04-02
COMICALITIES.

OVgu1CALl 4 ALDs
PLANTING hours-sowing wheat.
ONE touch of politics makes the whole
world chin.
HAVE not the cloak to make when
begins to rain.
CAur1oNARy signals-Third finger
rings.-Puek.
A DEAD beat is sure to turnup when
you least want him.
A oARRELsoME woman is always ready
to come to the scratch.
ON some of the Lenten days beefsteak
is meat for repentance.
They are not always fine men who have
been through the mill.
THE bee hive is the poorest thing in
the world to fall back on.
The slovenly dressmaker is the most
terrible seam monster, the ladies think.
"THEY told her at the bank" says q
Boston paper. Did, Ell! What did the
bank teller?
The govt is break which wise
Providence puts ON mans legs when he
is living too fast.
"BARE and for bare, vs the bald head
ed man said when he bought front seat
for the Black Crook,
THE man who built him house out of
his poker winnings says that his residence
was built on "bluff."
FABER has made great deal Of money
from lead pencils; which is the differ
ence between Faber and reporters.
A NEW temperance story is called "Our
Street," the Norristown Herald thinks
ellis Treet" would be better title.
A BRIGHT youth has discovered that the
game of Is is ga trick with hole in it,
and he says "the hole moves all over the
box"
Mr.. KEENE lost heavily on recent
wheat speculation, and now he says con-
corning the transaction, "'Tis wheat to
oe remembered"
A MAN will remember sore finger
much longer than kind look, but that
doesn't prove sore finger is any better
than kind look.
YOU'VE men generally prefer the game
of sweet sixteen to that of fifteen, any
time. -Philadelphia Bulletin. And Of
ten they find it a greater puzzle.
FROM Philadelphia newspaper: GA
quarrel in church should be an unusual
thing-as unusual, indeed, as q prize
fight in Presbyterian graveyard. "
THIS is the nineteenth century, bu
vet q st. Louis wife refused to receive a
Telegram from her husband in New York,
because it wasn't in his handwriting.
WHEN a man in Connecticut is killed
by buzz saw they arrest his family and
hold them until the state chemist has ex-
amined the mans stomach in search OF
arsenic.
SOME infamous scoundrel has under
taken to check the North Carolina exo-
dus by starting report that watermelons
are ripening near Raleigh.-Detroh Post
and Tribune.
SUNpAY-scHooL object teaching: Teach
err" State the difference between q
church organist and the influenza.
Scholar" One stops the nose, and the
other knows the stops. ,"
ApELIcATE maid Of Delhi
Declared she never could eat pie,
So she tackled the ham,
Roast turkey, and lamb
She In now in the sweet bye-and-bye.
Mrs. PARTINaToN--Well, I declare
Here's an ingenious young man who has
invented an arrangement by which the
deaf can see and the blind talk. Such
talons as his should be recognized by a
statute.
ONO robbers haven't quit the grave
robbing business, as newspaper readers
may have been led to believe. They
have simply gone over into Indiana,
where the soil is more sandy.-Detroit
Free Press.
"WHEN was young" said Mrs.
Scoldwell to her little girl, "I used to
love my dear ma too well to act as you
do" "And did your mamma, replied
Bertha, quickly, fused to be all the
time telling you what she did when she
was little girl ?"
"SETH," said Mrs. Spices, "I wish
you would 60 and see to the furnace;
that girl Kate is putting in coal as if she
was firing locomotive" And when
Spicer remarked that the girl was, per-
haps, a railway-cinder-Kate Mrs. s.
grew warmer than ever.
A STRANGER found an Irishman stand
ing by a board marked Dangerous"
near which were the legs of submerged
skater. "Why don't you pull the man
out, Pat?" "Begorra! is he aloive? /
thought he was took there to show the
board were in airnest ?"
NEwLY-MARRIED lady, displaying her
wedding presents to an old Highland
servant maid, shows q fancy tea cosey.
Servant maid: "Thatn pc penny
present." Lady: cit is indeed" Ser
want maid: cay, and you'll pc shurely
wear this at Grand party?"
AN Oil City gentleman who recently
travelled in Europe said he was at dinner
one day in Paris and while tellinga story
was attacked with q sudden and con-
tinued fit of sueezing. When he ceased
a Russian gentleman, at another table,
named Pliteheekee, turned about and
complimented him on his excellent and
correct pronunciation of the Russian Ian
guage.
A HUSBAND takes his wife to gallery
to be photographed. As the sacramental
formula against laughing is about to be
pronounced the husband comes to his
aid. "Now, Mary" he says, be grave;
don't laugh, or else you'll spoil the pic
ture. Think of something serious.
Think of how you was sent to the peni-
tentiary for hog-larceny-think of what
Wou1o huNO oOOOhkO Va ~ ~ AAoSkh
taken pity on you and married you!
Now, then!"
"I BELIEVE in personal devil" said
Mr.. Moody, at a revival meeting held in
a remote western city. That's true,
that's true-you're right there, stran-
GER" said an old farmer, rising from his
seat in his earnestness. Whereupon q
calm-faced, acid-looking woman rose
from the other end of the pew, took him
by the ear, and led him slowly out, and
the assembly knew then, for the first
time, that the old mans mind was filed
with domestic thoughts instead of the
hereafter.
An Actors Mother.
[From Tinsley's Magazine.l
I remember whimsical incident oc-
curing in q theatre where the leading
member Of the company was celebrated
for his magnificent physique. One
night he was acting Virginius, and his