The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-02-24
DRIC.A.DRdC,


-Knocking friehd down is a q, re
way Of dropping an acquaintance.
An artists views ofa subject are
not always tho best.
1t IL tho boss printer who takes a
honest boy and makes u devil out of
him. -
~A PrusstRn aravediggcr has been
arrested for Roasting bodies and selling
their fat.
When Doctors business is at q
ttonts, f
~ bookkccper,, whose head is well
D,aaiIahccd, pam writes "Dcar sir' thus:
"A man In Tuscaloosa county, Ala,
ate twcnty-scven oranges one morning
before break fast.
-'lIovc laughs ut locksmiths," and
yet there isn't anything funny about a
locksnith.
The man who pays more for shon
rent than for advertising don't under
stand his business.
One of the comical sights of leap
year will be girl whispering \ tale of
love into the. ear Of deaf man.
The individual who wrote, go,
Solitude, where arc thy charms" was
a business man who didn't advertise.
Near Monkstown, Texas, a deer
was found fastened by his horns in a
trcc-top. He was captured, of course.
-'uffalo Bill in his book tells of
beef cattle so poor that he had to prop
lhcm up to shoot them down.
On dnrk night, with tour clothes
lines stretched across the back ward.
the most sensitive part Of lnan is his
high hat. - $40
by measurement given in the Book
or Revelations there is only room
enough in heaven for 297 ,0OO, ,6oo, ,O00,-
600 persons.
:.-Quickcr than pounds of powder
will rive ali ordinary rock, YOU Can
blast great reputation with one
ounce Of scandal.
DO not interspersc your language
win foreign words and high-sound-
will draw riiiculc upon you.
1t is said that pie is disappearing
from American restaurants; but, thank
heaven, there il n resource left i'm the
printing Office.
"A man has no more right to say
al uncjvil thing than to act one; no
more right 10 say rude thing to
anothcr than to knock him down.
1t is said that the Bureau of Eli
CRAVING has not single ten dollar bill
IN lts reserve stock. Singular coinci-
dencr. Neither have we.
When the bee stung the Professor
OF entomology, he remarked, "Wcl, |.
like entomology, but can't say that
admire these cnd-to theological Jokes"
"A new book ia out bearing the
strange title "a Woman After AL"
1t is bound to sell in leap year, and
should b ing comfort to every baclie-
lor's heart.
Tho fire of patriotism burns like
an electric light in the bosom of that
American who is ready to be sacrificed
iA any PUBLIC service Of responsibility
and profit.
Teacher in high school at--"Arc
pro and con SYNONYMOUS or opposite
tcrmsw Scholar: "Oppositc." Teach
er: "Givc an cxamble." Scholar:
"Progrcss, and Congress"
.-Tl. g Grant feeling continues TO de-
cline, so the Blaine and Sherman or
gans say: This is quite different from
Grant himself. Rather than decline,
he will accept.
-"What is woman's will?" shricks
u social scientist Of the bachelor per-
suaslon. Experience in our younger
d'fsS teaches us that it is the only will
that the heirs don't want to contest.
Light colors are recommended for
cold weather, rs they do not part with
heat easily. But we notice that a hand
with IL white kid glove on will part
with rcd-hot poker about rs previous
ly rs the one enclosed in q brown nit
ten.
-"John, what odor is thatY'
"Cloves, love-" "But that othor?"
'"Allspicc, my beloved" "But isn't
there another~ eyes, apples, be-
my most bclovcdst." "Well, John, if
you'd only just drink little brandy,
now, | think you would make a good
rnincc pie"
Will L. MARBLE, St. Louis artist,
has applied for divorce from his wifi
Ono ofhis grievances is that she sent a
broken frying pan to all art show,
where some Of his pictures were on OK
hibition, with request that the hang
ing committee would give it q position
as can example of tho way in which
the talented Mr.. MARBLE provided for
his fnmily's necessities"
The young ladies of Washington
arc debating how they shall effectively
rebukc tho ill-brcd men who stare at
them in the street cars and stages.
Easy enough. Poke the point of your
parasol handle into their eyes. Al
man. no matter how ill-brcd he may
be, loses his appetite for staring after
he has an eye punched out three or
four times. Or, the young ladies might
walk. BIC.
Tho roaming correspondent Of the
burlington Xa,Ukeye tolls q pleasing
story Of a sclt-sacrificing traveller who
devoted his energies to the work of de-
vouring everything upon a certain rail
way station dinner-coMntcr, and hay-
Ing at last accomplished the feat walk
ed away, saying: ."There, tho next fcl-
low that comes along here will get
something ficsh!"
The young ladies Of Chattanooga