Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-11-17
FUNNYGRAPHS.

SCRATCHING has cured the itch for Of
ice In many man.
LII don't take very fast horse to catch
the p1zooty.-LoUeU Citizen.
IHE grub makes the butterfly when
the grub is hot biscuit.
MANY dark-haired man has red
headed temper YOakers Gazette.
The Kurds are not to be stirred up bv
the khans.-NeW York Com. I4dyer-
hser.
WHEN your opponent calls you liar.
let him have the Aoor.-New York
Meas.
BERNHARDT will not visit Georgia
The people there are too familiar with
Mr.. Stephens.
THERE was young man named NAL
10y, who ran for an Office in Troy; when
his friends poking fun inquire g Howdid
you rum he merely says "What de ye
soy?"
A GREAT deal is being said in England
about the Deceased Wife's Sister Bill.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin doesn't
believe any wife, living or dead, ever had
! a sister Bill.
lT was evidently a mistake setting
Italians to work on the Cape Cod canal
These fellows might dig canal for
sardines, but not for Goldfish. Boston
| Commercial Bulletin.
"WHAT do you use your fingers for
when you blow your nose?" asked
Galveston gentleman of bootblack-
"Do yer expect me to blow my nose
with my legs, say?"
ONE of the greatest pleasures of roll
road travelling to lovers has been de-
| stroyed. Now, just before train eli.
| tiers tunnel, a buccaneer goes through
the cars and lights all the lamps.
| The astonishing thing about Prof.
| Swift's new comet is that it is Throwing
off an extended TAIL If it persists in
this rr1inous course it will amount to no
| more than an ordinary bobtailed star.
| We want no comets unless they are able
to fill the bill
A coLoRED man applying for mar
rage license In Cincinnati, was asked If
he and the lady were related. eyes,
sab r he replied. When asked how. he
answered: CT thought you deluded to
de tender relashuns OBJ luv what prevails
between us at the present moment.
MOTHER, what is an angel? % can
angel? Well, an angel is being that
flies" "But, mother, why does papa
always call my goyerness an angeli''
"Wel," exclaimed the mother, after o
moments pause, "she's going to fly i'm
mediately. Exchange.
| The other day a mild little man, with
an invalid wife and seven children. won
big black bear at rattle in Memphis.
The bear was ratified off because it ate up
its last owner, aud the little man who
made the lucky throw is just wild to
know what to do.-Haaoteye.
AT BUILDING. Belleville, (who
| likes to air his French before his friends
+" Avvyvoo la Parfume du- Jockey
Club 2" Fair perfumer--" Oh, yes,
sare! We have all re English smells.
! Punch.
The other day, being questioned as to
three professions that are approaching
the cemetery in close order, he replies
with a comprehensive wave of the hand.
"All from young D., who has just be-
gun to practice here. Rising young
fellow that Great future before him. .
From THE FRENCH. partners of
one welded life appear before the tribu
nal before which they have instituted
proceedings for a judicial separation.
:" am sure, says that the lady warmly,
that [ can't see what he has to conn
plain of. We are two bosoms with a
single thought-he wants to boss the
house and SO do I!''
"I WOULD rather vote for O long-eared
donkey than for you,' said an indepen-
dent voter to Galveston candidate.
go, come now, you ought not to allow
yourself to be influenced by family ties
responded the candidate. The voter has
been puzzling his head ever since to find
out why the crowd laughed. -Galyeston
NeaOs
IT occasionally happens that a man
tells the truth when his real object is to
tell a lie. An italian, unfamiliar with the
English language, used to sell fish on
the streets, using the usual call
"Freshee fshee, all alive % After q
while he retired from the fish BUSINESS
and took to selling eggs, using however.
the words Fresh eggs. all alive s
densely unconscious that he is not tell
ing the lie that he thinks he is.-Gal
yestom News.
MAN is not bundle-carrying animal.
He can tuck few stray parcels in his
pockets, to be sure, and lug package
under his arm, perhaps, but on the
whole, as common carrier, he is fail
ure. But womanl, well, we should hate
to say anything that wasn't absolutely
true; at the same time woman can carry
parcels enough into horse car TO fill up
one side of it, and pick them all up in one
arm when she gets off at crossing, and
lead pair of twins, carrying an umbrel-
La and hold up her skirts with the other
hand.-Nea0 HoUeaa Register.