davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Smart Board of Aldermen.

The other day the board of alder
men with a great flourish of trumPets
said that they had made a huge Ills
c0yery. By their vigilance they had
added $50, 900 to the assessed list OF
Sedalia's property, which by their
keenness would accrue about 500 Ia
the citys revenue.
just as soon as this impnrtant dis
covery was made they hunted news
paper reporter to get il into print in
order that they might pave their way
to future election and to stand solid
with their constituents.
Westenberg' addition to SedaIia and
the Garrison had not been assessed.
To complete their piece of cheek, they
dragged w. E. Middleton, the county
assessor into the scheme, and at his
door laid the blame, as he had failed
20 assess the property in question.
What big men We are to find all
this.
Later it is discovered that Mr.. Mid
dleton did assess the Westenberg adj
dition, as his books show.
Still later it is discovered that the
Garrison House belongs TO the Pacific
railroad, and is assessed ny the State
Board and certified to p, tits county.
Sedalia board of aldermen who made
these wonderful discoveries should be
voted leather medals.
Those who gave the infor-
nation TO the reporter, did not mean
to reflect upon Assessor Middleton.
Oh. of course not, but they did not
care 50 long as they could make their
constituents believe they were so very
vigilant.
Later the reporter blasts the board
for giving him false information about
the assessment. He Justly gives them
fits for misleading him.
When will these smart Alecs learn
to be content to do their straight duty
and let alone any electioneering. let
what might kumm?
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
HE WAS FROM OHIO.
Wai,iug to Take Q Hand in Mich.
igan Pollt @
From the Detroit Free Press.

From the Detroit Free Press.
A young man Of about thirty, dress
ed in stout clothes and having Q fist
as hard ~ iron, stood around the city
hall for nearly mn hour yesterday q If
waiting to see some procession pass.
He finally seemed to get little dis
Outraged, and accosted q policeman
with the inquiry:
"Where about do you keep your
politics in this town ?"
"Oh, they are lying around loose"
was the reply.
IL don't see any marching around,
nor hear any whoops and wells. I
haven't heard a single hurrah for
either candidate since got here
1T isn't time yet. The pot won't
begin to boil before the first Of Octo-
ber."
"Pm from Ohio. l am" continued
the stranger. "I'm visiting an uncle
out here about six miles, and I've
walked in to-day to see how the land
laid. One of the neighbours out there
was telling me last night that things
were S,ore than billing around here.
He was in town only two hours, and
he says he saw four ward poles cut
down and over q dozen fights"
Haven't heard Of no such Actions"
replied the officer.
"Well, I'm considerably disappoint-
ed. I'm right On hand in politics. I
haven't missed q campaign in ten
years. and it's poor day when / don't
wallop two or three Of the opposition.
Then it will be about three weeks BE-
fore the meat begins to fry ?"
"Yes, about that"
Then I ;spose I'll have to wait,
though it seems like q long time. Do
you think that q mssher who could
break up q torchl;ght procession. pitch
a speaker of the stand, and saw down
ward poles, could get job here next
month";"
IL guess So"
Then I'll lay for it. I'm here on .
visit, 10 said before, but ii / can
turn an honest penny I'll do it. I
strike with bO.h hands and when i
hurrah t:'eopposition turn pale. Here
Is my name on this piece Of paper. and
II you can work me into such q job
I'll be much obliged and take care
not to mash any Of your chums. l feel
just like picking up the leader of .
band and breaking his back on .
hitching post. Don't be backward
about recommending me. for both par
ties in Sandusky will make oath that
Pm . caravan sith four elephants in
the procession"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
PILOT GROVE ITEMS.

Hon. Jno. T. Heard va. in town rues.
day on business.
/ Speed Stephens ard wife we're recent
gue-Is If ". II Finney's family.
There are twice a. many gOsis 10 iosn
than al any one time before. Nothing II
iscking to fill the cup Of happiness tut
plenty oi buyers.
Geo. Masiin, an irsfe colored indis i'd
usl, wa- arrested and fined ~ for cruelty
BE- ,ting his daughter.
-rho~. Colbert, Egg, and Nis. May
Finney we're united in v-siiork's holy estate
Thursday evening n the Methods, church.
Several gentlemen of h.irles- scalp
no,orieiy have under advi-eu,~nt trip to
Eureka SPRING. Balbos like, searching for
a fountain that will restore youth.
The political canvas is becoming more
sud more complicated With the bond ques.
tlon, and before the November election the
latter question will Be paramount 70 all
Others.
Nat Hzrris has accepted position in
his uncies store and will handle ribbons
during the winter, after which be may pos
ably join Moody and Sankey 10 the revival
business.
Henry Whitney, proprietor Of the res
,aurant has cold out and will soon leave
for more lucrative d.ld in which 10 cater
10 the sppetiies Of the hungry. His soc.
ce~Aor is = cyclone-wrecked msn from Nor
gan county.
The 6rst threshing machine accident Of
the season happened quite recently near
here. Green Woodbridge, the victim. lost
the end Of bis fingers between two cor.
First blood for Woodbridge.
A petition for . drsmsbop known ~
.Ielrs toll sste," vss circulated during
the past week, and received . few sigoen.
but q very large and respectable majority
Of the people are adverse to the estsblish-
ment Of any such Insiitntion.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
A CENTURY PLANT.
A Colored Woman In Sedalia Yes
terdav Who 10 Over 100
Years OF Age.

Walking around ON our streets yester-
day was an age,i negro female Who iook-
s,i like . relic If pssl age. With all
due respect 10 the old lady, her feaiures
had wieri, dried up sort VI . look - vi
an aged Exypssin mummy Just getting
back Ia life. She walked very slowly and
with apparent efust and seemed to be very
fr.ii. Struck by her singular appearance,
. BAz,o reporter walked With her down
the street and said to her, ''M,su., beg par.
don. hut will you tell me your ss~?" i
am one hundred years and eleven @onths
old, ssb." she replied, Strengthening up
her crooks,! back sni to-sIng back her
head proudly a. il half in scorn and hsli in
pity, .he looked down upon Us poor devils
vho are compelled to struggle for all Ne
are worth to reach fifty vesss
The reporter learned from her that she
wss horn in "VIryinny," that her name
w.s Ann NrI.nn +; that her home ga in
Faye,ie, Howard county that che was in
Sedaiia visiting friends, and that her gen.
erai health Vas good.
The old lady asnst have chewed an im-
mense amount Of fun out OF that one hun
bred yesrs that she has gnswed I'd from
the u,ince pie Of time.
Most of u will be old settlers in the
next world, where ve will be si,tinx
around Of evening" and telling lies Of the
long winters aud the deep SHOWS that We
=; N in that pu~t-moriem state inst alter
re arrived there before this old lady will
be dead.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
A Brides Toggery.

a freshly made bride at the depot
last evening went down in her pocket
after her purse and discovered that it
was missing. She came to the conclu-
sion that it was in her trunk, which
was on the baggage truck. and, hav-
ing it set out on the platform, opened
it and began search, which was re-
wardo1 with success. The ewes of tba
newspaper 6end were greeted with
more things than he ever saw before
more than was ever dreamed of in
his philosophy. When well dressed.
a woman is fearfulIy and wonderfully
thrown together.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
The Result of Bad Manners.

A collision recently occurred while an
Italian commercial traveller was eating a
bologny sausage on . railway train. The
shock of the collision drove the knife sc
violently against his mouth a. &c widen it.
He brought suit for damages. The defense
wss that The injuries were caused by the
knife that the knife should never he car.
Red into the mouth, and that the plaintiff
hsving injured himself BY reason of his bad
habits in eating, must take the ccnseqnen-
ce-, and pay his own doctors bill.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Funny Things to See.

An unwindy politician.
A wealthy country editor.
A newsbOy without cheek.
Susan B. Anthony wearing pants.
A woman who was never jealous.
DR.. Mary Walker wearing dresses.
A married man who never lied to his
wife.
One dog in a hundred with . license
tax on.
Henry Ward Beecher with his hair
moved.
A political orator who didn't denounce
corruption in Office.
An ex-army officer who had q title be
low the rank of captain.
A woman who doesn't wear false hair.
also, one who doesn't pad.
Some of the rowdies on our stree, cor
ners dispersed BY the police.
An American girl who wouldn't marry
a foreign count if size had half a chance.
Bob lnger-oll badly scared. and on his
knees trying 10 get spiid with the Lord be-
fore death cooked his goose.
A twenty dollar gold piece right in the
little fist of the BAZoO man subject to no
membranes, and pursued by no credi-
fOre
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
A Male Corset Wearer.

There is a young gentleman in this
city who wears corsets, and the first
beautiful young lady who will ascer.
t-in his name and renort TIE
s"me to the BAzOo will he al.
lowed to kiss the BAzOo man and
will be presented with a lock of hair
that formerly adorned the Uranium
of Joseph, whom
Potipher's wife had thrown in prison
Because lac wouldn't NIX her reputation Hiih
his'n.
(F,r particulars see Bible and small
bills.)
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

In The s.. Clair circuit court lest week,
the csse of the state seainst Dan. K. Kidd,
cswe up for trisl. Kidd. il will he remem-
bered, had . difficulty on March Let last
With Jno. FIsnden, hm tenant, N which
Kidd shot FIanders twice, the must eeri-
ous being . pistol shot IN his left arm.
Kidd va indicted for assault With intent
10 kill. Last week when the case wss
called in Oceoia Judge Savage and J. B
CAN'T, OF Clinton, appeared Tor the state |;
Col. Boone. Of Clinton, and Jno. c. Frrgu-
con, Of Osceols, Tor the defence. The jury
were only short time 6odi"e verdict Of
not suilty.-Henry County DeDocrat
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Crittenden at st Joe.

: ltsltl '" rf~ SlIfIddy N"fhfhg bAzo"
81. Louis, Sept. Pa special to
the Republican from st. Joe says that
T. I. Crittenden spoke to large and
enthusiastic crowd at that place last
night. He alluded to his visit to In.
diana. and spoke encouragingly Of
the prospects in the HoOsier state.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Hancock and English Veterans.

nduCOCA uuu SItSIOu du"-
A club hearing the above name Wa
organized at the court house Last
night. Quite a large number were
present. Gen. VanPetten was elect
ed president aud Emmett Philips sec
rotary. Speeches we're made by Hon,
Jno. +. Philips and John Ferguson.
No one was admitted as members of
the club except ex-soldiers or sailors.
Great enthusiasm prevailed.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Vehicle Struck by q Train.

Last evening, A. a tesmster named John
Hall, who resides on Lamine street, be.
tween Sixteenth and Seventeenth sireets
WAS loading his household furniture on hi-
wagon, preparatory to moving TO Warsaw
the horse and rule which composed
his team, became frightened by the
approaching NJ X. and T. freight train,
and ran On the track in front of tine same
Mr.. Hall, fortunately, WAS not in the " ssor
At the time the team became frightened
The engine struck the team, killing the
horse and destroying the wagon. As Hal
is very poor man the loss is keeniy felt
and already large hearted neig hbors and
citizens talk of contributing funds to him
to replace his lose.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

There II no oae in drusging yOurseIt
to death. and buying all the vile medicines
for internal Zee. when you cen he cured Of
lever and sgue, dumb ague, bilious dis
eases, jsnndice, dyspepsia. - veil ~ ell
disorder. and silment- of the liver, blood
end stomsch, BY wearing one Of Prof.
Guilmetie's French Liver Pad, which is .
sure cure every time. II your druggist
doe. not keep the pad. send $50 in let
ter to French Pad Co., Toledo, o., and il
will Be cent you By mail. II is the only
ped that IL guaranteed to cure. Beware
Of counterfeita. For ,le by Aug. Fieiact.
mann, druggist, corner Second and Ohio
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

Il have 90 more doubt Of the beneficial
effects Of Warmers Safe Kidney and Liver
Cure than l have that the Genesse river
empires into Lake Ontario.-Rev. ]. E.
Rankin, ID. d. Washingtoa, D. c.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

ST. LOUIS. September. %.
The democratic primaries in the
second congressional district MAS held
to-day and resulted in the election Of
delegates pledged to Thos. Allen. J"e
Pulitzer. manager Of the Pest
Dispatch. the only man in the
field against Tom Allen. failed to
carry a single ward or township.
This insures the district 10 the de-
mocracy at the November election.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Bronchitis, q Premoniter

Bronchitis, Q Premoniter
OF consumption, Is characterized by
catarrh or Inflammation OF the NIL
che membrane OF the ar psssages
with cough and expectoration,
short breath, hoarseness, pains in
the chest. For al bronchial sfiec-
lions, sore throat, aphonia or loss
of voice, coughs, "DR. SwAYNE's
CoNPoUND SYRUP OF WILD
CHEEKY" is = weii-known curative.
Price Is cents, and 81 = bottle. or
six bottles IS. The large size il
the most economical. Prepared
only BY DR.. Swayne 4 Son, Phila-
delphis. Sold BY all prominent
druegista. An occssional doe of
Swsyne's Pills should be taken o
Keep the bowels free. They are
excellent for torpid liver and bill
ious cooplaints.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
Answers to Correspondents.

A03V0t3 10 C0ft03p0no0uVU.
In reply tn the many inquiries which we
have received regarding most prominen,
modern remedy ve would say: To the best
OF our belief Wsrner's Safe Kidney and
Liver Cure il pure in its nature, efhsien,
in it, sciion and certain in its results. We
have learned al come remarkable cures
which il has effected and believe that o. .
preventative Of disease il il unequalesi.
For delicate ladies and enfeebled men il il
invaluable and its pure vegetable qualities
commend II to the favor end use of ell.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
They Have q Railroad.

Y~-, at last. The deep rumbiing, the
fsmiiisr racket, the putting snd blowing
the ringing Of bells and the deafenins
whistle Of the iron horse, IL heard 10 the
Iand-yes, II is he,rd 81 the depot in But.
Ter. FelIos citizens, the Times is the 6rs'
newspaper in Butler to announce and vel.
come the coming Of the 6sst train. and
hasiens TO congratulate you upon the
event.
II wss about noon on Sunday last that
the laying Of rails reached the depo,
grounds, witnessed BY hundreds Of men,
women and children-''saints and sinner
the Cody and the ungodIy-,he colored
and the uncolored aIike-all vere there
and 20 we're ve.-BAies County Timea.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

People will not he 40 very foolish that
they will allow themselves to be deceived
with . new Cough Syrup when they have
experienced the value of Dr. Bulls Cough
Cough Syrup for many years. Price %
cents
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
What the "Bazoo'' Would Like to

W0oC the "6aZ0o" WOul0 Like Il
See.
Our next president.
Ice rs cheap rs dirt.
An oyster in . church stew.
Suitable weather for everybody.
A lot of big weddings this fall.
A polilicion speak his convictions.
Your name on its subscription book.
The deadly weapon fellows all Gala
booeed.
Who the young man is that IL known by
his "gab."
More religion and le-r beer at camp
meetings.
Ladies take Of their hats and bonnets in
m audience.
The young man who wouldn't like TO
"see her home"
At least three circus companiee here
during October.
Niagara FalIs run up over the falls 2:ll3
minutes, just for change.
Political organs grind out the truth
without single false note.
Cows and hog prevented from running at
large in the city.
A brick or stone sidewalk in front Of
every house ia the city.
What kind of rooster will perch itself
upon the White House this trip.
A wealthy man Who grumbIes not at Im-
aginary poverty when the petition lie
passed.
Purity in ballot "a we'll a. that linen
garment which is being 40 tsuntingly
Haunted m the face Of the democracy
A few of those wretchea Who amasaed
fortdues from the people Of Sedslia, ex-
pend . mere pi,tance of IL, a least, in
Identifying our city.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

Mr.. c. OCsll~hsn, Of l7l Sycsmors
street, is another grateful witness to the in
f2llibIe pover Of 81. Jacobs Oil, which h.
tells Ia has made nev man OF him. Gin.
cinnati Irish Citizen.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
An Elegant Toilet Preparation,

An 6logeut Toilet Hropofot1on,
hair dressing and restorative Il found in
"London Hair Color R<storer." II seldom
tail. to restore gray ,sor fading hair to it,
original youthful color and hesnty. Fall
ing hair il checked BY its use, and it pro-
dnces 4 growth Of beautiful young hair,
soft. giossy and luxurient shst surprises
every one. Thee properties added to iis
exquisite perfume and purity Of ccmposi-
.ioo. render il the growing favorise Of the
toilet everywhere. Il certainly is the mott
cleanly and effective hair sesiorer nov be.
fore the American PEOPLE.
A. A. 6ib,on. Barrytovn, Dutches
county, n. Y. writes: Dr.. Svsyne 4 Son,
Philsdelphis. Gents. euclose . postol6ce
order for s.; Please send me one dozen
@Londoa Hair Color Restorer." il has
stdoprd my hair from falling, and restored
il to it, natural color. Il hiss proven sa,is-
factory io every reapect. The "Londoo
Hair Color RessOees" can Be obtained Of
oil the leading drusxisss At IS cents bot.
tie.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
The Lssiest CITY in the World *

London. Sept. 25.-Admiral Sey.
mOur's ultimatum to Ria Pasha haa
produced considerable CONSERVATION Ia
Coostantinople.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
~ infeId Cco,t N aocock,
w Ill Oucceed l1sye-.
Names A braham 4 = srfeid
q u.,i6es n SDrab De Golyer
.J. anne. l l.s. W::::'.,ss,.

--Brooklyn boas:s Of . man 20 really
pious that he doesn't kis or make love To
his cook-nooe other than his WIFE
Bloomington Eye.
He IL supposed to have sirayed over into
the city Of preachers and pastoral calls
from the wicked saoi bars Of New Jersey.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

-NeU re0edies and old ones under new
names ere being constantly introduced to
The public, bat Dr.. Bull, Cough syrup
ssill iakes the lead ioG the cure OF Coughs,
Cold, etc. Price Is cents.
The Ouray, tCoI.,) Solid Mnldocn
ssys: Two Of the slickesa frauds in all this
San Juan county are the Little Abbie
Consolidated snd the Ouray Discovering
and Mining company. Both companies
capitalized At $40, O00, 900 and neither are
worth TOO vhoops in lneersoll's summer
residence.
s0Woyne'0 Ointment and Pills"
THE oRkAfnsr RkNEpID The WORLD HAS
EVER KNOWN.
Curing the most iuvetersts caas Of skin
disesses. such - letter, salt rhsum, scsld
hesd, basbef's itch, soses, oil csusty, scaly
skia erup,ioos. and that distressing COM
plant. itching piles. Az blood purifier
and regulator, Swsyns's Tar and Sa.spsr-
lila Pills are excellent. Cure sick and
servous headache, dyspepsia. indigestion,
yard ID nalsrisl ie,en, cleansing the sys-
ten ssd bowels Of al i@purities. restoring
70 healthy scsivity every organ Of the body.
Price Is cents . boz, Eve boxes 81. Oins-
usss 50 ceass, three boxss $l.25. Can Be
seas y nail 70 any sddrss on receips Of
price. Addrs. lestsrs. D.. Svsyse 4 Son,
80 North Sixth street, Philadslphia. Sold
By all lsadine dsuGxisls
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28

-Over is, 600 Howe Scales sold. BH-
den, Se!leck Il Co., Agents, St. Louis, No.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
A Fathers BLESSING.

Cheeseman's bride in the meantime
had secured . legal separation. When
Grossmans father died the tramp-so0
determined ct once to give up the life
on the road. His 6rst thought Vas
Of his dark-eyed Susan. Without her
be could do nothing. He wandered
back to his old home. To his great
establishment he learned that she had
married q wealthy gypsy horse trader.
He resolved to end her and he sue
ceeded. To bis great joy he learned
that she could be iar happier with
him. her 6rst love. He then told her
that be had fallen heir to q fortune.
Arrangements we're at once made with
the gypsy husband. Grooman bar.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1880-09-28
NOT FOR JOE.


S,.-,sl ,,. tins. SUNDAY Morning kAxs..