Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-06-24
Odd Tribes.

The skilful matchmaker is the ma
for the hour.
A nightmare is the only animal tbs
has dreamy eye.
A new shade for silk called 'lemor
ade COLOR" heavy watered silk.
Most people are like eggs-too full {
themselves to hold anything else.
Sheridan Shook and wife have ser
arated. She shook him, as it were.
Croquet will be popular this season
Notwithstanding that it is played out.
Did it ever hit you anywhere that
dry goods clerk was a calico wrap
per?
A Frenchman says that the soul O
Wine is at its top. 1t must be corl
soul.
Painting window shutter Is a gooG
deed in more ways than one. It helps
the blind.
A Philadelphia organ grinder is sc
suspicious that he compels his monkey
to carry bell-punch.
How doth the busy little fly
Improve each chance to light
Upon the tip end Of your nose
And drum with all his might
Our ancestors, the monkeys, couldn't
have been SO ignorant after all. They
were all educated in the higher branch
eS.
The undertakes are grave people,
but not morose, and out of business
hours they usually spell bier with two
e's.
Educate your boy to be a railroad
brakeman. There. ARE seven Senators
who started life in that line of bust
ness.
The book Success with Small Fruits
will not tell about the success of the boy
who eluded the dog in the strawberry
patch.
The small boy now holds himself to-
gether at the equator in acknowledge
ment of the subtle power Of the green
apple.
Put away the little plumes that our
Jimmy used to wear, he will need them
no more, never; he has sailed the Salt
Rivaire.
Bald-headed men may be interested
in knowing that the common house fly
when alarmed fles nearly "a feet in al
second of time.
The time may come when men con-
victed of murder will be sentenced to
lecture, and the entire penalty will re-
ally fall upon the public.
In concluding an article on the last
corncrop an Alabama editor remarked:
1--WE have ON exhibition in our sanctum
q magnificent pair Of ears"
It can scarcely be possible that the |
handsome stockings now worn by la !
dies are intended for show only when !
being hung upon the clothes line.
A medical writer asks: "Does posi-
ton affect sleep?" If the man is hold |
ing the position of a night Waterman !
he is liable to be disturbed blythe po-
lice.
Two Philadelphia burglars who were |
detected breaking into bank tried |
to excuse themselves on the plea |
that they were merely contesting dele
gates.
An ordinary woman's waist is thirty
irches around. An ordinary mans
arm is about thirty inches long
How admirable are thy works, Oh,
Nature!
"Ain't that lovely critter, John?"
said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite
the leopard's cage. WAL, yes" said
John, 'but then he's drefully freckled,
amt he?"
1t is easy to tell total abstainer from
a man who gets tipsy occasionally. The
latter when sober walks as strait as a
bee line, the former navigates all over
the pavement.
A Philadelphia man has such fine
regard for the eternal fitness of things |
that when he leaves home he will not
send his checked suit in anything but
a checked trunk.
And old angler says that q fish does
not suffer much pain from being hook
ed. or course not It is the thought
Of how his weight will be lied about
that causes him anguish.
The young lady at the seaside said
she had been to see the rollers. Her
mamma thought she meant the waves;
the young lady and the fellow who kept
the bowling alley did not.
Don't despise woman because she
can't drive nails or hang pictures; if
you want to discover your own weak
points. jury try to carry 6x4 mattress
down a narrow winding stairs.
A Kingsbridge lady tried to pat live
Dee on the nenQ Cne oCner Oay. wei
will not tell how she ran when the
whole hive ran after her, because cv-
erybody knows how q woman stung
runs.
A couple of New York city reporters
spent the night in a cell with q man
who was doomed to be hanged in Con-
nectieut, recently, and in the morn
ing the prisoner was perfectly willing
to die.
A San Francisco man has been in
dicted for snoring. It was shown that |
his nose could be heard clear across the
street and that on certain nights he
had kept AZ many as ten persons
awake.
To educate young ladies is to let
them know all about the ogies, the
omenies, the ifics, the tics and the mis-
tics; but nothing about the ings, such