The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1880-03-04
WAITS AND WHlMs.

A coMPosrToR makes money hand
over fist.
+ A MATCH loses its head when it comes
to the scratch.
TIE author of "Seven Acres Enough"
probably had seven corns on his feet.
"TBERE is something in store for
us ALL" but it takes money to get it
out.
"Two heads are better than one,"
especially on the penny you "snap
up"
RULE tor man who would purchase
good watch-by its works you shall
know it. go ~
THE trouble with the midnight cat
is not 80 much that it cannot sing
as that it firm y believes it can.
IT need not be inferred that railway
companies are scared because they have
been making tracks SO rapidly.
TIE Picayune remarks that when a
man is out of money any change that
may come to him is for the better.
"WILL you name the bones of the
head p said the teacher to one of his
class at Medical College. "Tve got
'em all in my-head, d,-teacher,o" re
piled the pupil, but I can't give
t'en.''v------- ----'-..----s4-ssa.aSs =.
The conductor of a railroad train in
New York State thought he spited
C; uple of lovers by starting out two
minutes ahead of time. They had to
walk eight miles, but the girl said she
wished it was twenty.
THERE is no good reason why the
names of the months should not be
changed and Americanized. How much
| more consistent it would be to substi-
tute Nip-and-Tuck for January, and
"Slosh- -Around" for April.
THERE is always an irrepressible con-
fiict going on in ones mind when he
sees small boy taking his first smoke,
as to whether the boy is smoking the
cigar, or the cigar is smoking the
! boy.
A WATERLOO woman thought she
got the best of tin peddler the other
day when she smuggled about twelve
pounds of old copper and two sections
of lead pipe into the rag-bag and stuck
them upon him at two cents per pound.
A CHINESE student at Andover wrote
in lady's album the following version
of well-known poem:
How doth the little sting bug
Improve every sixty minutes
| Go pickee up sting bug juice
From flowers just got busted.
-NorfolE County Gazette.
A LADY recently had premonitien
that as soon as she printed her first
volume of poems she would die. The
premonition was fulfilled. We would
earnestly call the attention of large
number of poetical young ladies and
gentlemen to the fact that things gener-
ally happen without any premonition
at all.
The young ladies of Washington are
debating how they shall effectively re-
buke the ill-bred men who stare at
item in the street cars and stages. Easy
enough. Poke the point of your para
sol handle into their eyes. A man, no
matter how ill-bred he may be, loses his
appetite for staring after he has an eye
punched out three or four times. Or
the young ladies might walk.
THEY sat upon the sandy beach,
"When are the waves called angry waves?'
Conundrumly asked she.
Called angry wayss;" her her bean, bean replied
al give it upl" "why, them, she cried,
"'-'' - -Kaasas City Times.
LEAP year SO far is failure The
fact is, girls do not know how 10 make
use of their new privileges. Their
mothers or maiden aunts neglected or
forgot to go to the polls when they were
told they might vote for woman or q
sister to represent them on the School
Committee, and why should the choc-
olate caramels of society remember to
invite man to go to the theatre or to
come and take ice cream with cake
when they meet on the corner of the
street?
A CLERGYMAN recently left Liver
pool in large ocean steamer, and, be
ginning to feel uncomfortable after
leaving the mouth of the river, sought
the captain to learn if there was any
danger The captain, in response, led the
clergyman to the forecastle, and told him
to listen to what was going on. The
clergyman was shocked to hear the sail
ors swearing vigorously, and expressed
5 his horror to the captain. The captain
3 merely remarked: do you thinl
these men would swear in such a man
! ner if there was any real danger z
l whereupon the parsou seemed satisfied
and retired. A day or two afterward
t during severe storm, the captain saw
l the clergyman proceeding with difficult,
} to the forecastle, and on his return over
3 heard him exclaim: "Thank heaven
they're swearing yeti"
, The Soothing Hand-Organ.