Richland beacon., 1880-02-14
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.
HONESTY is the best police, see!

HONESTY Is the best ponce, see!
A MATTER of course-the lecture.
CANNIBAIs don't like to eat coward,
because the bravest are the tenderest.-
GHciRn0ti ,Sqt,r,ldy Night
"TiIIs is a high-handed outrage" -
the boy remarked when he found that
his mother had put The cookies on the
upper shelf.
My darling" said ne "what do
licicus taste sour lips have" Then she
sprang up ard yelled, Goodness, John,
have you been eating my lip salve"
TuErr is county in Texas in which
there il 40 saloon, and in which q
murder vas never committed. Its only
exi tence is on the nap.-Ch,cago Times.
YoUyu men, IL your girl keeps look.
Ing a. your feet every lime she meets
YOU. don't let it embarrass you in the
least; she j, simply taking your measure
for pair Of slippers.
IT has been demonstrated In Paris
that whcn man pounds his thumb
with a BANNER nc is twice as mad a.
when he strikes his elbow on the dOoS
:5ame.-DetroH Free Press.
The eGec. of jet on satin is very
elegant Baagor Con,me, cial This does
not refer to a Jet of water.--Boston Post.
Whv not? Watered silk is considered
vcrv handsome, and when made into .
| dress, il frequently sat In.
"BULLY' is not an Americanisln.
Some Of the streets Of Paris have been
| caIled Boule Yards for long time.-Seth
,Soicer. And yet any New York politician
can post you on the bully ward1.-
Mr. York N,,cs.
.coNE wise man remarked, "No man
is hurt bat by himself" Did that
man ever visit dentist? Did he ever
play shinny with a mule? Finally, did
he crer "sass" his wife?-OH City
| Derrick.
JOHN BRIGHT's son is hunting out
| West His aged father IS hunting in
Encland-for oRice.-Free Press. A
good many people down this way are
suffering from Bright's disease.-Rich-
D,ond { Ta.) Baton.
A WOMAN who was called as witness
in an assault case tried in the Edinburgh
police court recently, on being asked
by the magistrate what was the profess
sion of her husband, answered, prompt.
lv, "My husband is bankrupt, 49,
he looked as wise as an owl, Se<t'
His tricks well adjustetk
He declined 10 advertise, you see,
'' ' . '''' " ~ r. Hotel Mail
EBENEzER STONE and his wife Flora,
out West, were divorced not long aga
but afterwards they came to an under
standing, were remarked, and are hapK
I ~ Ik =
case of Eb and Flo, it would seem; aS
any rate, they are tide now.
ONE of our Boston preachers said
Sunday afternoon: "Ths little good
anv Of us can do must be done with our
hearts humping against the hearts ol
eur fellow man." And every young
woman in church looked at every other
young woman and smiled approvingly.
! ",IARIA," observed AR. Holcomb, as
4 he was putting on his clothes, 'there
amt no patch on my breeches yet %"
can't fix it now, no way. I'm too busy:
"Well, give me the patch then, an I'll
carry it around with me. I don't want
people to think can't afford the CLOTH"
MArRoN, to her boy, screenings
"Willie, how long are you going to keep
nv toothbrush ?' "I'm through with
it, nanny; Sallie's using it now"
"Tell Sallie to bring it here immedI'
ately; that girl won't have any teeth
left if she keeps on scrubbing them. ~.
Louisville Comier-.]ourndt.
PRoFEssoR-"What does that expUs
sion represent?" Student-"That is TIC
sum of the moments of the elemental"
Professor-"Say it again." Student 70.
peats. Professor--"Thats it. In
going to have you say that over
until impress it on your mind as they
brand u. :. on mule.-Actd C0tumbs0W.
THEY met, twas on the street.
"Oh! such bonnetr' thought the one
The other thought; "What feet!'
, Yet they did talk
, Together walk
And kissed each others cheeks. ard chalk.
A VERY beautiful young lady was
, hurrying through the streets of Balti-
more, turned. and in pathetic accents,
} asked a gentleman walking beside heI
+, to knock a pickpocket down who wa
t following her. The gentleman Oblig
9 ingly complied. As soon as she saw the
Q fight fairly begun, she chuckled gayly
4 and skipped away. The man knocked
4 down was her husband.
. THEY met, twas in . crowded gtreeA
Their hearts were in q nutte4;
I He glanced into her eyes and thooght,
Y There was no fair rebuttcr.
She sent back responsive smile,
:, He knew at once he'd found hes
@ mutual recognition came,
l., And forthwith sunejoindef.
e They stroll along the shady walk,
e Their beings with fond love elate,
A Until they reach the fair ones home,
"a And halt beside the garden gate
II "Try not to pass" the maiden sad,
" Z" An ancient witt won't calm us,
:. Should you essay 10 enter there,
70 You'd hear the old mdndamus"
-Eeokxk Goss Ouv.
THE Toronto corset makers are on
strike, their employers have pulled th
strings too tight for them. and the girl
won't he snlaced hut haYA instituted