The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-11-11
THIS AND THAT.
IN-cENrs-Copper
SETS things right-The hen.
The ties that hind-Adyertise

The ties that bind-Advertlse.
MEN who eat crow never crow aboutlt.
AN upper fat-An aristocratic noodle
FALsTAFF was relig1ous-that Is 70
say, sack-religious.
Coon nature is more amiable than
beauty and more agreeable than wit.
The Saturday Night says it is poor
lawyer that hasn't code in his head.
CHARLES A. DANA began journalism
on the Boston ChrOnOtype at SO week.
ALL railroads to watering places have
a right to call themselves great trunk
lines.
S1GHrLEss individuals should avoid
liquor. 1t is very easy to get blind
drunk
The first gold mine in the United
States was discovered in South Carolina
in 1890
WHY would the letter "h' make
GOOD aurist? Because it makes the ear
hear.
IT generally takes two to make quar-
rel, but very often one mother-ln-law Is
sufficient
ANY old bachelor will shrek for bet
ter half when counterfeit 5O-cent piece
is showed on him.
"How SAD !'' exclaimed one blade OF
pair of scissors to the other " how sad!
We only meet to sever y
EVERY five years this country loses
enough by fire to pay off every dollar OF
the national debt.
AN Ohio man has brought suit
against his own mother for slander, al
leging damages at SIC, 900.
IT is estimated that the money paid
for Texas cattle during the past five
wears amounts to $3.50, 100000.
SHE was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond of her. She hated him,
but, womanlike, she strove to catch him.
He was q flea.
THE Boston Globe says that a promis-
ino Young horse in South Boston has
been named Dr. Tanner, in hopes that
he will become fast.
Down by the river side they met,
Sweet Romeo and Juliet;
Her hand in mis- he placed, and said
"Sweet Juliet, would thee we'd"
stIndeed p" she queried; "Ah ! let's go:
Get in this boat Oh row me, h?"
"I HAVE great ear, a wonderful ear"
said a conceited musician, in the course
| of conversation. $50 has donkey"
replied bystander.
81 RISE for information" said a mem-
ber of o Legislative body. 81 am very
glad to hear it," said bystander; "no
man needs it more"
If YOU love girl and want to marry 'er,
| And lack of pluck is the only barrier,
| We would make this mild suggestion:
| Shoot yourself or pop the question.
-Keokuk Constitution
A LITTLE boy came to his mother re-
Gently and said Mamma, should
think that, if I was made of dust, I
would get muddy inside when drink"
A PHILADELPHIA husband, who
doesn't want his wife to tamper with his
letters. is the author of the report that
Internal machines are being found in
mails.
A HEALTHY man requires about pint
of air at breath he breathes about
1000 times an hour, and requires about
four hours.
A KISS without O mustache is like an
egg without salt-Spa,aish Proverb.
Always remember that, girls, and never
kiss without the mustache; always kiss
within it.
Mrs. CooDLE was telling Jane that
the potatoes had an oniOny smell, when
that monster, Coodle, suggested that
perhaps they had been cooked in a
saucepan with leak in it.
"WHAr is a woman's will % shrieks a
social scientist of the bachelor persua-
sion. Experience in our younger days
teaches us that it is the only will that
the heirs don't want to contest,
!, ONLY 20 years ?" EYES, she ex-
planned. "George made me promise
when we were married that I would
never change. was 20 then, and I
mean to keep my promise. /"
A LADY who had quarreled with her
bald-headed lover said, in dismissing
him. "What is delightful about you,
my friend, is that have not the trouble
of sending you back any locks of hair. ,
A YOUNG lady, having read about a
man having invented stove which will
consume its own smoke, hopes he will
next devise method whereby tobacco
smokers can be run on the same economi-
cal principles. .t-
BROWN gave his wife an elegant UNI
brella for her birthday present. BE
very careful of it p he said to her. ooh,
be easy, dear I will use it only on Sun
days and holidays, and then only when
the weather is ine."