Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-09-30
Aumurnms department.
HOW DIR. POTTS PULLED THROUGH.

HOW DIR. POTTS PULLED THROUGH.
Young Gluckerson met old Judge Van
Snyder on the ferry, and after shaking hands
respectfully with that venerable friend of the
family, said, casually:
did you hear of that terrible accident up
at Potts the other night?"
Accident! Why, my dear young friend,
no. Nothing serious 1 hope?" said the
Judge, much interested.
"Well, I'll tell you how it was" said
Gluckerson in mournful voice. "You see,
the old doctor was out until about 2 in the
morning attending some patients, and, sup
posing he would be hungry when be came in,
= Mrs. Potts put large pan of mush and
milk-tbe doctors favorite dish. you know
under the stove to keep warm for him."
"Yes yes!" said the Judge, eagerly, as
Gluckerson stopped to light cigar. "Go
on-what then?"
"Well, the doctor came in after while
and went cropping round in the dark for his
mush-couldn't find match, you know
and, as luck would have it, he picked up in.
stead pan containing bread, put there to
raise over night. He was too tired to notice
the difference besides he had taken two or
three nips as he drove round, and so he actu-
ally ate up all the dough-"
"Gracious p said the Judge.
"It's fact, though. Well, toward morn
ing the doctor began to swell, and swell-the
yeast was just getting its workin', you know,
and pretty soon the whole family was up and
rushing around half distracted. The doctor
kept on groaning and shrieking and swelling,
until he looked like Saratoga trunk. At
last they found out what he had done. and
the whole family piled right on top of him,
and sat there while they sent for cooper"
"A "COPPER""
"Yes, you see they saw at once that un.
less something was done the doctor would
burst before morning. So the cooper started
in and put nine of those big halfinch beer
keg hoops around his stomach. Of course
that stopped the swelling, and, by keeping q
tin tube down his throat for gas to escape
he just managed to pull through"
"Oh the doctor pulled through, did he? ?"
"Oh yes; he's all right now, excepting"
Excuse me-" said the Judge grimly, as
he took his note book, "but will you favor
me with your middle name in full ?" They
are getting up medal for the champion liar
in the State, by order of the Governor, and
I think Ill send in your"
But the boat had landed and the promising
young candidate had melted away.
ONE WAY TO PLAY 'POSSUM.
Nothing is more savory to Southern ne.
gro's palate than roasted fat opossum. One
old negro hunter captured fine specimen
the other day, and feeling hungry stopped to
cook it in the woods. He built fire and
spitted his meat but, being very tired as
we'll as hungry, he fell asleep while the pos
sum was roasting. AS he slept, "low.trash"
negro came upon the scene, doubtless attract.
ed by the fire and the smell Of roasting meat
The newcomer approached cautiously with
one eye on the. 'possum and the other on
Uncle Eph, who slumbered.
First he shook the old man, who turned
to an easier position, but would not wake.
The stranger took in the situation, and then
proceeded to take in the possum. He, too,
was 'possum-eater, and he made short work
of the dainty roast He ate and ate till only
the bones were left. Uncle Eph was still
sleeping, and it occurred to the vandal that
he would make Eph think that he had been
to supper, so that when he awoke he would
not suspect the theft. Then the "low-trash"
negro proceeded to 'possum grease Eph's
hands and face and mouth, and to pile in the
old mans lap the gnawed bones.
Nights have mornings and sleeping must
have its waking. Uncle Eph awoke and i'm
mediately thought of bis possum. 1t was
not on the fire it was not anywhere to be
seen; but there in his lap were the bones
that had been gnawed. On his hands, lips
and beard was grease and the smell of pos.
sum. He was self convicted. He conclud-
ed that he had eaten the possum, yet he
could not remember the pleasure the eating
had given him. Weighing all the circumstan.
tial evidence carefully, the old man slowly
pronounced judgment:
Oats fac Use been eatin' dat possum.
Use been eatin' it in my Sleep"
But then his stomach; why did it not
stand out as a witness in the case? 1t felt
empty, and yet it should be full
"It's certain sho'r I've done eat up that
'possum. Must have done it when Use sleep.
But" and the old man placed his hand sadly
over his really empty stomach, "but it inter-
feres less'n any 'possum l ebber did eat"
A New SORT OF P1LL.-Old John Morris,
Little Rock, Ark, negro, hit upon the idea
of Tanner anti bilious pills, compounded, as
he declared, according to a recipe obtained
of the great faster He sold some to wo.
man, who died soon after taking them. John
was arrested and taken to court, where the
following dialogue took place: "Where did
you get the medicine you gave. the wo-
man ?" 81 made hit from directions sent ter
me by DR.. Tanner" "What are its compo-
nent parts" "Hit's made outen roots from
de groun' and leaves frum de trees. Does
yer wanter to buy bottle, Jedge?" No,
sir, don't. The charge against you is
serious one. What made your medicine kill
the woman?" "Why. Jedge, de medicine
didn't kill the 'oman," "What killed herr"
"Why, Jedge, de oman died OBJ de surprise.
Yer see she had been takin' eberything in
the medical market an hit didn't do her no
good. She didn't hab much confidence in
my medicine, and when she tuck hit an foun'
that hit went right ter wurk tearin' at the
corners OBJ de biliousness, hit surprised de
oman to death. Yer can't hole man for
surprisin' anybody ter death. Eff l comes
and tells you good piece oh news, an you
falls dead, de law can't hold me 'sponsible.
An 'cordin ter der same 'stronomy, if 1 gins
woman dose OBJ medicine and hit sur
prise her ter death, de law can't put de
clamps on me-" The justice is considering
the points of Johns argument, but John is
still in Jail.