Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-02-27
Railroad Theology.


Hapkeye, and must he true-to some
extent.
To me comes the brakeman, and
seating himself on the arm of the
seat says: II went to church yester.
day."
+" Yes ?" I said, with that interest
ed reflection that asks for more.
"And what church did you attend. "
(Which do you guess ?" he asked.
"Some Union Mission church p
I hazarded.
Naw," he said, ~ don't like to
run on these branch roads very
much. I don't often go to church,
and when I do, I want to run on
the main line, where you run in reg
ular, and you go on q schedule time
and don't have to wait on connec.
tions. I don't like to run on a
branch. Good enough, but I don't
like it..
" Episcopal?" l guessed.
Limited express, he said, "atl
palace cars and 81 extra for a seat; +;
fast time, and only stop at the big
stations. Nice line, but too ex-
haustive for brakeman. All train
men in uniform, conductors punch
and lantern silver plated, and no
train boys allowed. Then the pas
sengers are allowed to talk back at
the conductor; and it makes them
too free and easy. No, I couldn't
stand the pa ace cars. Rich road,
though. Don't often hear OF re.
ceiver being appointed for that line.
Some mighty nice people travel on
it, too"
"Universalist" I suggested.
Broad-guage," said the brake
man, does too much compliment
tary business. Everybody travels
on pass. Conductor doesn't get a
fare once in fifty miles. Stop at all
flag stations, and won't run into any
thing but union depot. No smok-
ing car on the train. Train orders
are vague though and the trainmen
don't get along we'll with the passen-
gers. No, l don't 60 to the Univer-
salist, though I know some awfully
good men on that road" ...
Presbyterian ?" I asked. @t
Narrow guage, eh?" said the
brakeman, "pretty track, straight
as IL rule; tunnel right through a
mountain rather than 60 around it;
spirit-level grade, passengers have
to show their tickets before they get
on the train. Mighty strict road,
but the cars are little narrow; have
to sit one in seat, and no room in
the aisle to dance. Then there's no
stop-over tickets allowed; got to 60
straight through to the station you're
ticketed for, or you can't get on at
all. When the cars full, no extra
coaches; cars built at the shops to
hold just so many, and nobody
else allowed on. But you don't
often hear OF an accident on that
road. It's run right up to the
rules"
"Maybe you joined the Free Think.
ers ?" I said.
"Scrub road ;" said the brakeman,
{" dirt road bed and no ballast;
no time card and no train dispatcher.
All trains run wild; and every engi-
neer makes his own time. just as he
pleases. Smoke if you want to,
kind of go-as-you-please road. Too
many side tracks, and every switch
wide open all the time, with the
switchman sound asleep and the
target lamp died out. Go on as you
please and get off when you want to.
Don't have to show you tickets, and
the conductor isn't expected to do
anything but amuse the passengers.
No, sir, I was offered pass, but l
don't like the line. don't like to
travel on q line that has no tsrmi-
nus. Do you know, sir, asked q
division superintendent where that
road run to, and he said he hoped
to die if he knew. I asked him If
the general superintendent could
tell me, and he said no didn't be-
lieve they had general superin-
tendent, and il they had he didn't
know any more about the road than
the passengers. I asked him who
he reported to, and he said nobody.
I asked a conductor who he got his
orders from, and he said he didn't
take orders from any living man or
dead ghost. And when asked the
engineer who he got his orders from,
he said he'd like to see anybody give
him orders, he'd run the train to
suit himself or he'd run it into the
ditch. Now. you see, sir. I'm q rail-
road man, and I don't care to run
on road that has no time, makes
no connections. runs nowhere, and
has no superintendent. 1t may be
all right, but I've railroaded too long
to understand it."
Did you try the Methodist" ?" 1
said.
Now, you're shouting" he said
with some enthusiasm. Nice road,
oh? Fast time and plenty of pas