Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1880-07-16

Young Fred, bashful yet persistent s"s'"'
Was verv much in love with Mary Jape,
one night she told him in her tehderest te-ie'
at Is not good for man 10 be alone.
Said Fred, just so, You darling llttie eli, . -
I've often Thought of that same thing ny sell,
Then said the lass, while Fred was all agog,
You ought 10 buy yourself terrier u"s'
Starched ruching is ruff on young
lady'sneck.
Said Jones: Fred Grant won't have
SO soft thing as he has had. 81 don't
know" replied Robinson, "heli have a
soft thing so long as he keeps cool and
doesn't lose his head"
What makes the average small boy
crazy, and out of patience with every
thing, is 20 be obliged to roll his baby
brother around in II carriage while a base
ball match is being played.
Propriety-Light-min young thing,
in a bathing suit Surely, Aunt Mar
garet, you're not going to wear your
spc .acles in the water? Aunt NJ. a: In
de,l am. Nothing shall induce me to
tax off another thing.
4 party of young fellows the other
nic at made IL bet as to who could swim
the iarthest. The next morning when
they met at the rendezvous one Of them
carried a large bundle. "What is that ?"
ask,I the others. "Victuals for three
days"
1t is said that the deepest gorge in the
world has been discovered i'll Colorado.
We always had the impression that the
biggest gorge in this country might be
witnessed at railway station where the
train stops five minutes for dinner. -
NorristOtcn Xeraid
The farmers lad nowadays takes his
first lesson swinging the scythe. He
whacks and strikes away ut the red top
and herds grass with n vim worthy OF II
conqueror for about three minutes and
then stops to whet his scythe and get a
drink of ginger and water. He gets along
finely for an hour, when by accident he
steps on the blade and leaves slice of
bare heel to be raked up with the hay
Neu Haccn Register.
1t was at dinner party, says the San
Francisco drgonaW, that ''sweet girl
graduate" daintily pecking at the delica-
cies on her plate, overheard gentleman
opposite mention the name of ''Dr. Her
vey." 81 beg your pardon, Mr.. B"
said she, sweetly, "but do you refer to
the distinguished philanthropist, who in
vented the circumlocution of the blood q
Mr.. b attempted to say that he did,
but he utterc,ka mouthful of soup in
stead.
Lawrence Barrett was much pestered
because people insisted that his name
was Brannigan, though we don't see any
thing very bad in that name. He has,
however. conclusively disproved the
charge by voting the Republican ticket.
"The boy stood on the burning deck.
Mind, stood" We don't believe it. We
never were on the burning deck of mn ex
cursion steamer that the boy didn't al
ways have the best seat, right where his
hat could blow OFF into the water, and
everybody else stood-NeW Hdrcn Hcy
lister.
Michigan men never have any luck in
fishing One of them visited Wisconsin
on sporting tour, and for the first time
in his life caught over sixty bass. And
when he had shown them to over twenty
people he found out that it was against
the law to take bass, and had to pay s.
fine for each fish.
A Terre Haute physician told the counr
ty medical society that one of his pa
tents, young woman, was attacked with
frightful pains i'll her legs that after
two weeks Of suffering she recovered, and
it was found that she was six inches taller
than before The report was received in
impressive silence.
The little girl who was disappointed
because her name could not be found III
the Bible SAYS Never mind | will
be such good girl that if ever another
Bible is written my name shall go into
it"
1t may pay u ADVERTISE t,.o:..- ga
cows on rocks, trees and pasture fences,
where animals can see the letters but
goods intended for human beings should
be made familiar through the newspa-
pers of the day.-New orleans Pica-
yHac.
Two children We're engaged i'll dis
pute rs to the relative merits Of their
respective fathers. Finally one of them
said, i'll tone of triumph : well, my
papa is the bravest, anyway, he listed III
the war" ''lIuh, that's nothin'," was
the disdainful reioinder, ''my papa listed
three times i'll one year, and got bounty
every time Rome Sentinel.
Prudhomme asks the prospective ten
ant of one of his houses "Has mad
anne any children ?" 1.-TWO little girls,
one ten and the other eight years old. "
"The one of ten lis the older presume 2"
"Yes, sir and the other is the younger.
Thank You | was about to ask that"
Recorder Ito witness with banlaged
head Did he have any provocation
when he struck you? Witness-He may
have had something Of the kind concaylel
on his parson, but it was a brick he struck
me wild
Quite number of darkies, young
and old, were fishing down on kuhn's
wharf, yesterday" relates the Galveston
Ncrs, when boy OF about twelve fell
OFF, and would have met watery grave
had it not been for the energy and pres
encc of mind of Uncle Nose. After the
boy was safely landed bystander took
occasion to praise old Nose for the hero
ism he had displayed Is the boy your
son . asked sympathetic spectator.
no, boss, but he mout Jess as well a
been He had all dc bait in his pocket. W
He came into the editor's room with a
large roll of manuscript under his arm,
and said very politely /: II have triiie
| here about the beautiful sunset yesterday,
which was dnshed off by II friend of mine,
which l would like inserted if you have
room" ''Plenty of room. Just insert
it yourself" replied the editor, gently
pushing the waste basket toward him.
! GatrcstOn Meas.
a clerk in II Broadway store recently
asked for half dnys absence, because
he wanted to attend funeral i'll the
country. When he returned the next
morning with red hands and freckled
face his employer said, where arc the
fish ?'-HeraM u. L.