The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1880-09-18
VARIETY.

The stamp aet-APplause in a theatre.
Men made to rule-BOok keepers
Three days alter baby is born everybody
says; d" Ketchety, ketchety." and digs It's ribs
with forehnger. Hence the prevalence OF i'll
temper in adults
When the farmer puts porcelain egg under
the hen, is he setting good egg sample?
Brigham Young's widow is gradually forget
ting the old man. Four Of her has remarked
since be died
Young women often keep their lovers by tears.
" Yes, says Grumwig, 8 love, like beef, is pre-
served by brine
Company were lOunging on the banks OF a
river. - Fall in " cried the captain, and an
awkward corporal fell in. He came out q wet
ter 'un.
You look good enough to eat, - said be. look
ing over her shoulder into the mirror. - Food
for reflection she replied without a smile.
The man who stepped on an hour-glass thought
for q minute that he making foot prints
the sands Of time.
What pretty children, and bow much they
look alike ! :" said Smith, during a visit to
friends house. They are twins, his friend
explained. "a w hat both of them?" " retorted
Smith, greatly interested.
carpenter who was always prognOstieating
evil To himself was one day upon the roof Of
6ye-story building upon which rain had fallen.
The roof being slippery he lost his footing, and
he was descending toward the caves, he ex-
claimed: 'Just as told you ~ Catching, how
ever. in iron spout, he kicked of his shoes and
regained place Of salety, when be thus deliver
ed himselE az know'd it; there's pair of shoes
gone go
Ticket holder in a cooperative society, show
ing ticket TO shopman IN one or the affiliated
houses Of business-''I believe you allow two
Civil Service Housekeeper Cooperative So
ciety E'' Shopman-"Yes, sir, but We don't
allow it on less than one shilling" Ticket
holder (whose purchases come to ten-pence)-
.'Oh, very we'll, give me two-penny pencil !;
thatll make 1t square
The Secretary or the Interior walks to and fro
With brow wrinkled and hands nervously clutch
ed behind bis back His private secretary, who
is also his intimate friend, asked him the cause
Of his evident disgust. ''Is the political horizon
cloudy ? Do you loresse troublesome crisis
Oh, no :" replied the Minister. "But foresee
very grave-the gravest Of all things-it Is that
soon there will be no more appointments 70 give
away"
I" You're q fool, Frank" Deadwood maiden
said to her bashfu lover "here I've been waiting
two hours for you to kiss me, and there you sit
just a. 1t dad would ut come down in about ten
minutes and close the shebang."
Clergymen to newly-wedded pair-The mar
riage state imposes various duties. The husband
must protect the wife, while the wife must fol-
low the husband withersOeyer he goes Bride
Lor'. AR. c.n't that be altered in our case ? Nv
husband ID going TO be a country postman.
A finished coqUette at fashionable ball asked
. gentlemen near her if he could airt a fam which
she had Ina her hand - No, madame he re-
piled, I" but can fan . firt -
Blowing soap bubbles is a recent fashionable
amusement. For truly intellectual and at the
same time exciting sport, blowing soap bubbles
can only be equaIled by the game OF kicking an
old oVershoe about 4 woodshed.
Professor a., after half an hours work deci-
phering one OF bis own criticisms, found it to
read a. Please be more careful with penmanship
in future"
aPust DO bills under Penalty f" Thus reads the
sign, without the sign Of point or comma. Three
stories above, at q window, sat an old man smok-
ing A boy in passing, read the sign, and looking
above, told his chum: =. That's old Penalty up
there, on the watch"
Social etauetts in Michigan is said to allow q
bride to marry without gloves. as bare-handed
conTenienee for handling him afterwards.
An article in the Burlington Hawkeye is seri-
ously headed - Wind-A New Thing In Poll
tics" The idea Vt wind being new thing in
politics itself
Mrs. Partington-WeIl, declare! Here's an
inga0ious young man who has invented an ar
rlngenent by which the deaf can see and the
blind talk. Such talOns his should be re-or-
gained By statute.
{" Did it aver occur to you," asks a punsone
ezshange, Why . lawyer who is conducting q
disputed viii ease is like trapeze performer in
a eircns2 ? Didn't? Well. it's because he flies
Through the air with the grea test OF fees"
A writer IN the Boston Transcripts thus relates
a tale OF woe 81 The young lady came and tried
20 ssll me 3 manuscripts story. My teacher
likes it,' she said, when l repeated our usual
formula OF no space, no money. time, and no
anything to her Teacher an editOr?' in
squired mildly. No, indeed was the answer,
she's person Of refinement and education.'''