The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1880-04-02
THE PERIi.OUS PUZZLE.
BY BOB BURDErTE.

everything else that is foolish ant
wicked, but have never become ad
dicted to the fifteen puzzle.
Then he pulled one out of his poke
and settled down to it. Long and pa
tiently he wrought, while the othe
passengers helped him with sugges
tons and criticisms. Presently tn,
brakeman cane in and leaned over tn,
shoulders of the crowd and looked OF
and assisted. BY and by the conductor
came along shouting "tikts,' and he
stopped to see what was the excitement
He pushed his punch in his pocket, anG
leaned up with the rest Of the crowd
and told the fat passenger what to do
The excitement ran high and half q
dozen bitter disputes arose, which were
only quelled by bitterer ones arising
over new points. The train sped on its
laundering way, and in due time it
slowed up a little and finally stopped.
The conductor looked up impatiently
What in thunder" he said, "is that
fool stopping here for?"
Water, l reckon, or coal, may be,
replied the brakeman, without looking
up from the puzzle.
go out and see what he wants, and
tell him to go on" said the conductor,
returning to the puzzle.
The brakeman, after feeble protest,
and one last, lingering look at the puz-
zle, which was now farther than ever
from completion, went out. In the
space of minute he came back into
the Car, and shouted in husky, wills
pered, ghost of shout:
Meadville Change care for Oil
City and Franklin This train stops
twenty minutes for dinner"
A wml of rage and disappointment
filed the car.
Why didn't this train stop at At
lantic?" roared the passenger with the
sandy goatee,
Il wanted to get out at Evans
burg!" howled the man with the sam
ple-cases.
My sister wanted to get on at
Atlantic, and / saw her on the plat
form when we came through" shouted
the woman who talks bass.
And l." sobbed a timid-looking
young man in black clothes, was to
have been married to girl in Geneva
to-day, and now I'll bet you COW her
old dad is walking down the railroad
track in this direction, with a shot.
gum" And he walled so pitifully that
the whole car howled in sympathetic
unison.
Just then the express messenger
came storming into the coach.
By chowder," he yelled, I'D just
like to know what this means. I'd like
to know if the Express Company has
any rights on this road at all, and how
a man is going to- deliver or receive
packages when"
And the mail agent pashed him out
of the way and stood before the con-
ductor in all the gorgeous panoply of
half-dress and half-working uniform.
BY George" he shouted, " the Gov
erpment shall be informed of this out
rageous proceeding. If there's spe-
cial agent in the State of Pennsylvania
he will be-"
But before he could say any more a
telegraph messenger came In and told
the conductor the Assistant Superin-
tendent would like to see him and the
engineer i'll his private Office imme
diately. And it was so that they
went, and peradventure they danced
upon the carpet; y ca, they stood in the
perspiring solitude of the sweat-boX.
The next morning the fat passenger
beckoned me solemnly into the smok
ing-car. Light that" he said, and l
lit it.
DO you know" he said, when I
went to bed last night the walls of more
people who wanted to get off, and the
agonized faces of the people who wanted
TO get on in that run from Greenville
to Meadville Just haunted me? And /
dreamed l died, and went to heaven. l
thought l had just fifteen brains, and
all the way up to the gate L was trying
to straighten them out, and thought l
world go mad. When 1 got up there
the gate was wide open, and all sorts of
people were streaming in, just as they
pleased. / hadn't the cheek to think /
had right to go in without any Gre
dentials or examination, SO hung back
looking for st. Peter. And while l was
waiting, l hope to die if Bob Ingersoll
didn't come along and walk right in, aud
he looked as if he were mighty glad to
get there. Presently saw st. Peter,
right by the gate, his head bent down
and his eyes bent on his knees. told
him my name and where l was from,
and asked if might go in. He didn't
say anything, and began to feel pretty
streaked. So l said it again, a little
louder. Still he made no reply. Then
] shook him by the shoulder, for / was
getting pretty anxious, and l egan TO
tell it all over again. 1t frightened me
when be shook me off.
"9, IL. 4, Ia, ID, oh, get out of
this, you and your name; if you hadn't
bothered me Id have got it the next
move"
Now" the fat passenger said, sol
emily, 81 am never going to fool with
that Gem puzzle again. Not once
more"
And he fell into profound fit of alb
straction, and we couldn't raise laugh
from him all day.
The Training That Girls Need.
Mrs. Abba Gould Woolson has been
s.;,,;r,, Rnoton gonna common sense no.