West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1880-05-29
Major Boots.

Once upon time "A certain gentleman.
who lived splendidly and did not pay his
debts, owed his shoemaker large bill, and
the shoemaker having been told 10 call
again many times, and having written notes
without end asking for settlement, re-
solved to disgrace his customer by expos
ing him to his friends the very next time
he gave one of those large dinner parties
which so excited the creditors ire.
Accordingly, having seen the wagons of
the caterer stop before the door, and wat ched
the walters enter one by enc, Mr.. Shoe
maker, attired himself I'm his Sunday suit,
and with his little bill elegantly written
oui, awaited the appearance of the car
nages and when at least fifty had arrived.
set down their burdens and departed, stalked
up the doorsteps like a vengefu ghost, and
ringing the bell furiously, found it opened
for him with startling celebrity, and stood
face to face with a tall, black waiter, white
gloved and stately.
where's MIR. Cheatem 2" whispered the
shoemaker.
'Gentlemen's dressing room, second floor
back, responded the waiter.
Some one else had arrived, and was
trcading on his heels A vision of splen-
dor, in the most wonderful, soft, white
wraps fioated past him.
Ladies', front room, second floor, gen
tlemen, back, repeated the waiter.
MIR Shoemaker was hustled forward hat
IN hand, and saw his delinquent debtor in
all the elegance of dress-coat button hole
Hover, and white cravat, bowling TO, shak-
ing hands with and smiling upon aristo-
cratic personages innumerable.
The sight famed anew the flame of the
tradesman's just wrath. He marched for
ward, planted himself directly before the
elegant Mr.. Cheatem, and stared him i'm
the face.
But Cheatem did not wilt. He knew his
guest well enough and he understood his
purpose but what he did say, was
''Beg pardon for the moment I've for
gotten your name.'
Have you? Then perhaps you'll re-
member me when i tell you that made
your boots. "
"Now, if you'll trouble yourself 20 repeat
these last -four words rapidly, you will find
that you don't say, as you believe YOU do
Il made your boots, but, Il maiurboots. >"
The lucky Cheatem detected this fact ON
the instant.
Major Bootsp' he cried, demonstra-
lively shaking hands. Dear, dear how
could lforget you for moment Delighted
TO see you-delighted. Mrs. Chiffins, let
me introduce you to my old friend, Major
Boots"
$50 glad TO know you" responded the
old lady thus introduced. "I'm sure I've
heard Cousin Cheatem speak of you a
thousand times. Sit. down, do, and tell
me who all these people are I'm quite a
stranger I've isolated myself in Europe 80
long Sit down, Major Boots; hore is a
chair"
The newly-christened shoemaker hesita-
ted moment, but II was not possible for
him to cry out "'m not Major Boots; I'm
Clamp, the shoemaker, come for my bill
He found he had not the courage. lie
crammed his hat under the velvet chair to
which he was motioned, and subsided into
angry silence while the old lady went on
''Oh Major, ! always feel 50 privileged
when l have the opportunity 10 talk 10
military man. / adore courage. And
were you ever wounded7 DO tell me all
about NJ. >"
The bootmaker, finding Il neccssary 70
reply, said ''that he never had been
wounded"
And the old lady went on
'NeUeri How charmingi Bore a charmed
life, and all that sort Of thing. DO tell me
all about IT,"
The shoemaker replied THAT there was
nothing to tell
On which that most gushing Of old ladies
cried
Now Major, won't believe that. It's
Ike the mOdesty Of you celebrated military
men. / know YOU stOrmed redOubts and
led fOrlOrn hopes, and were the only one
left Of your regiment, and all that. I'm
SURE / read all about Il at the time. Oh,
here Is Colonel Hobbs, a celebrated English
officer, did something awfully brave In In
dia- Colonel let me made You acquainted
with Major Boots, one Of our bfavest mill
tary men. He's been telling me all about
the wonderful Things he did in the army. /
mean he wouldn't tell me about them
just like all You great men--wOn't trouble
himself 20 fight his battles over for an old
woman"
"Aw-awfully charmed I'm sure, re-
spOnded the gallant colonel "Awfully,
aw. Must introduce YOU 20 my brother,
Captain Hobbs in the same wegmeut with
myself"
The shoemaker had arisen and was look
ing down on his business suit
4 didn't intend tO--that Ia, didn't ex-
peet to be at such a swell affair as this, "be
stammerod, 'or IL should have word my
dress suit /"
''Oh, my dear fellow, we always expec,
you Am6wican officers 70 be wouQh and