Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-02-19
ITEMS OF INTEREST.


ers Gezette. A clearinghouse generally.
II William M. Evarts has Just celebrated
his sixty-second birthday, and is good for
twenty years yet.
When two funerals meet at the ceme-
terry, it is embarrassing to have one un-
dertaker call to the other, "How's busi-
ness?"
Peter Cooper was SO years of age week
ago, nine years older than his only
brother. William Cooper, who died Mon
day night.
| Didatic Parent-"Do you know why
am going to whip you?" Impertinent
Urchin-"I suppose because you are big
ger than am"
The old story Of Romulus being raised
| by wolf is outdone every day in ken-
tucky, where men are raised by mules,
sometimes fatally.
1t is rumored that DR.. Kate Stanton, who
stumped for Horace Greeley during the
presidential campaign, will shortly lead
to the altar Joaquin Miller, the poet of
the Sierras.
"Bou promised to pay that bill yester-
day, said an angry creditor to debtor.
"Yes," calmly replied the other, "but to
err is human, to forget divine, and for
got 1t"
1t was said Of au inveterate drunkard
that he had met with great affection,
and drank to drown his grief. Then,
said bystander, "his grief must know
how to swim"
1t is said that Mrs. S. S. Cox renders
her husband valuable assistance in the
preparation of his speeches, She clips
out all the new wittcisms which appear
in the daily newspapers.
One Philadelphia Dutchman to another:
81 dells her, Heinrich, dis guntry isn't
zectional; das mort and das sout' poth
wants reconciliation und vergifness, only
poth wants to do de vergrifng."
That Napoleon III. hid under carriage
at StraSburg in abject fear, and that he
was never under fire at Magenta or Sol
ferino, is what the new volumes Of SEN
ior's Conversation" will set forth.
A member Of a school board, not thous-
and miles from Boston, visited the school
under his jurisdiction. When asked to
make some remarks, he said: "Well,
children, you spells well and reads well,
but you hain't sot still. "
A child in Upper Sandusky, Ohio, now
II months old weighs 10 pounds. 1t
weighed three-fourths of pound at birth,
and lady's fnger-ring would pass over
its hand op to Its wrist, if the correspond
ent of the Cleveland Leader may be
believed.
The Sunday-School Times relates the
following: "Why didn't your people give
call to that last candidate who preach
ed for them?' asked a man of New
England Deacon. "Well, believe some
of them SAID he lacked iunction, was the
response. The deacon evidently meant
junction.
The late Miss Helen Gladstone, who was
Catholic convert, used often to visit
Rome and was a special favorlte with Pio
Nino. The good old man would often
question Miss Gladstone about her dis
tinguished brother and the other lay lead
ers of the old Oxford Anglican party.
The following message, intended to
break bad news gently, was sent to the
widow of man who had just been killed
by railroad accident: Dear Madam
Your husband is unavoidably detained for
the present. Tomorrow an undertaken
will call upon you with full particulars.
An Irishman was indulging in the very
intellectual occupation Of sucking raw
eggs and reading newspaper. By some
mistake he coptrived to bolt a live chicken.
The poor bird chlrruped IS it went down
his throat, when he very coolly said: by
the powers, my young friend, you shpoke
too late!"
Invalid: W've had wretched night,
Mrs. Wobbles." Nurse: "Dear, dear me,
sir | thought you slep' most comfort
able!" Invalid with groan) "0h, Mrs.
WobbleS, do use the adverb!' Nurse:
"Yes, sir, I'll see about it directly, SIR
but"-(puzzled)-"I RELY don't think
there one in the ouse, sir"
Mr.. Oliver Dalrymple, the great Min.
nesota farmer, intends to cultivate thirty
thousand acres of wheat this year. He
will have twenty steam thrashers in op'
Grafton with one hundred and thirty-fve
reaping machines. Last year he employed
six hundred laborers, and this year will
increase the number to seven hundred.
The Princess Amazulu, the Zulu lady
who is at present visiting London, is
bright and volatile person abont twenty
four years old. She is graceful, but not
beautiful, has fine flow Of language, and
quick sense oil humor, sings well, and
loves to dance. She is accompanied by a
suit Of two Zulu ladies and four male at
tendants.
Abigail Smythe has recovered 5000
damages from Rev. Mr.. Lawlor, Of st.
Patrick's Catholic church, in the Louis
vile (Ky.) court of common pleas. Abb
gail was nursing dying woman to whom
Father Lawlor came to bring spiritual
comfort, and when she refused to leave
the room, the muscular priest put her out
by main strength, He offered no defense
at the trial.
Parnell might as well go back TO his own
country, for the contributions to the Irish
relief fund which are made in this coun-
try do not 20 through his hands nor at his
bidding. His attacks on the New York
Herald, because that paper would not
print his speeches in full, was ill.con-
ceived and ruined his chances Of doing
his countrymen the service for which he
came here.
The American district telegraph COM
pany of Chicago will try the experiment
Of laying their wires under ground. The
first trial will be with six hundred wires.
The plan is to use one and one-fourth inch
iron pipes, holding fifty wires, each wire
wrapped with cotton tape, the whole cable
being similarly wound. There will be
spirals forming a ground connection. The
pipes will be laid nearly on the level and
filed with clear paraffine. In case the
experiment proves successful, the plan will
be adopted throughout the city.
An orphaned heiress at Searsport, Me-,
had a scapegrace for lover and two
watchful uncles for guardians. She de-
sired to marry but the uncles would not
give their consent, and she would lose her
fortune by disregarding them. A mes
sage arrived by telegraph from London
for the lover one day, saying that he had
fallen heir TO great wealth. The news
soon reached the uncles, and they did not
learn until the wedding had taken place,
with their consent, that the young folks
had deceived them with false report.
The Call, Of San Francisco, referring 10
William A. Beck and the late Miss Nellie
CIocker, OF Sacramento, says: "The lady.
who Is we'll known IN this city, being re-
lated to one Of the railroad mngnates, her
father having been also one Of the orig'nar
tors Of the Central Pacific, was engaged