Connecticut western news., 1880-12-08

isn't happy. sometimes my ole woman gifts de blues an blows aroun' kase she sees odder folks ride out in deir keeridges an dress up In deir satins, but build up good fire, git out de apples, cider an popcorn, draw up de big rockin'- cheer, an she can't stan it ober ten minits. De blues begin to fly away, an she pats de bald spot on my head an says: We has cabin of our own, plenty to eat, leetle money in de bank, an 'spect we kin sot down an take as much solid comfort as if you war Guv'ner, an I had ten silk dresses He who makes de most of what he's got am fittin' hisself to enjoy better. No sit uashun but what could be made worse. Ebery dollar made by honest work ought to bring two dollars worf of solid com fort. Wid desc few remarks, called forth by overhearin' Samuel Shin growlin' aroun' bekase he couldn't have mashed 'taters at ebery meal, we will now eradicate the usual order of business" .
 Eradicate!'' queried the Rev. Pen stock as he bolted to his feet.
 "De char said eradicate" answered the President. "De char doan' boas' of his eddicashun, but he knows de diff ference between predicate an eradicate D
 "Could you predicate dis meetin' p asked the reverend.
 If circumstances was faverble an de moon in de fust quarter I think could. If de brudder will now drap back into his seat we will endeavor to peram- bulate de gin'ral programme"
 "Per-!'
 "Wil Brudder Penstock drap?" He trapped.
 NO PETITIONS.
 The Secretary arose with tear in his eye. He had taken twenty-one petitions home to assort the different States. Since the accident last summer, when he lost a bundle of petitions while try, ing to outrun dog, he has been very careful. He had the package of letters in his pocket when he went to bed, but when he awoke Tn the morning the rats had eaten every one, and chewed UT one of his boots besides. His first thought was to declare that his cabin had been burned, but he couldn't bring himself to tell a lie. He would speak the truth and take the consequences.
 "Rats may be sot down under de same head as hurricanes an lightnin', , replied the old man. "Dey go wher dey please an come when dey want to- De Seckretary am not 'zactly to blame but yit in de fucher he'd better leave al dockyments heah in de hall. We vii take up de nex' order O bizness."
 ELECTION
 The bean-box went around to the tune of "Sally Waters," and the following candidates were handsomely silver plated :-
 Rush Snow, Elder Case,
 Boily Smith, Policy White,
 Thankful Jones, Windfall Kyler. Duplex Baxter, Rev. Seeback.
 THE SICK.
 The Chairman of the Committee ol the Sick reported that Brother Brutu Croft sent him word about ten days be fore that he was sick abed. He ha called and found the brother apparentl very hard up. The next time he calle at the house Brutus was licking hi wife, but got into bed and began groan ing before the door was opened. Tn Chairman had been watching him, an had discovered that he was lazy, sniff less and shamming. He had put up job to get relief, and his sickness wa only deception.
 "Dat's de sort O man he am, is it? ? unused the President. "De Seckretar will notify Brutus to appper at de ne, meetin' to h'ar an plead to desc charge or his name will be crossed from ou books. I've had my eye on dat cha
 fur some lettle time, an I know from q , way he sot his feet down dat we shouldn
 carry him wid us werry long. A ma who had raythur drag his hoofs frew ( l mud dan go to de trubble of bendin' h I knees doan' las long arter ye begin = watch him."
 ! NOT DEFINITE ENOUGH.
 The secretary of the ''African Ord, e of Modern Philosophy" which holt !. forth at Kent, Ohio, forwarded an of
 cial document asking Brother Gardner
 assistance. The order believed tn,
 when train of cars rounded the out, S wheels either slid ahead to keep U D with the inner ones, or else the latt, u slid back to prevent going ahead of u o outer ones. Some held to one theo1 " and some to the other, but all hs o agreed to leave it to the President y the Lime-Kiln Club.
 'II I For half minute it seemed as if u old man was stuck. He scratched h | head, looked up and down the hall al hitched about in his seat. Then he g
 his cue and rose up and said " x. "Dey haven't sent long huff pertic 'o lers about dat case. Dey doan' give I I name of de railroad. Dey doan' S a which way de train am gwine. D. ;s doan' say how many passengers a
 aboard, nor give de name of de co .o r ductor. When dey have furnished 'o informashun I shall be very glad - U furnish my opinyun on de queshun -O issue"
 u. BOUNCE HIM OUT.
 The Lime-Kiln Club is under oblie 0 tions to Uncle Billy Tichnor, of Bus
 nell, Iowa, for exposing an impost
 who will probably be frozen as stiff T I 8 poker before the winter is out in Q turn for his badness. He is describ 10 as young man of twenty-three, havi1 re a complexion the color of cedar pc