The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-04-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Foreign atfars--Organ grinders.
Under the gaslight-Thc burners
Foul play-The Grand Ridge chicken main
The nation will return to its census in June.
After Tilden, who?-Sm. U. S. Dist. Attorney
Woodford for those unpaid income taxes
When an nebriate in the gutter was told he
had found his level-"Yes, sp-sp-spirit level,
he grunted.
"C,naman marry his widows sister"' asks an
exchange. Probably, If he can lind her over
there. .. .F.
II is lucky TO pick up horseshoe, unless, OF
course. IL happens 10 be attached to mule
hind leg
"Does your mother know your route"' asked
a rival when the bride and groom started on
their wedding tour.
"Soldiers must be fearfuly dishonest" said
Mrs. Partington; "it seems to be an occurrence
every night for sentry to be relieved OF his
watch"
The threatened Ode to Spring has come to
hand. 1t begins: ~ love to smell the cows
Gp.p Well, If the COWS don't object go ahead
and smell
What is home without broomstick p Yo'shers
Gazrtt-A heaven for ameek husband we should
gay.
The question now agitatng the presidential
rings among the stalwarts is, VIII Sherman have
HAYES send some visiting statesmen to the
Chicago convention to see that there is a fair
count?
..tlIt h.N,p Il ain la ia
men to die worth s5OO0,0OO in city full OF
want" Egad, 1t is difficult, Bob. 1t is hard to
die worth even 81, 100000.
A Troy clergyman has been presented with a
sword. He ought to teel very grateful, as a
sword 10 a very handy article for clergyman to
have about the house especially in fly time.
A Cleveland man fell dead in church just three
minutes before the deacon was TO take up col
lection. There are lots OF ways to save money
Boston Post.
The gem puzzle is raging frightfully in Chica
20. 1t lie said last Sunday when one other clergy
men, noted for his long sermons. announced eff
teenthly," two.thirds of his audience got up and
went out, protesting that he couldn't do it.
SWEETS TO THE SWEET.
The brew OF vintage may be fine,
but man meier finds in beer or wine
However deep may quaf he
4 Joy that can at oil compare
With flirting with some maiden fair,
Or giving damscls tafiy. Puck.
There is no place like San Francisco for enter
prise, after all Last week the wife Of well
known business man, residing on Ellis street,
eloped The departure was discovered about IL
O'Clock in the evening, and at the same hour the
next morning the husband had the furniture sold
ut auction and delivered up the key to the land
lord the afternoon OF the same day. He was ter.
riby afraid she'd change her mind and return
The choice some people make Of matrimonial
partners is hard to understand young Maine
farmer married highly cultured Boston gir
who didn't know the first thing about housckscp
Ing, but had devoted her youth to the study Of
geology and minerology, and when he took hel
home, instead of attending to household dulles
che went roaming about the farm and soon dis
covered on her husbands land a gold mine worth
$4,000 You can't always tell how match will
turn out .s
AS lazy tramp went down the street
With free and easy gait
This welcome sign his eyes did greet:
Free chops to those who wait"
"Now here" he said, "Ill get some food,
without the slightest tax"
They led him to pile OF wood,
And handed him an AK. World.
II believe in personal devil" said Mr.. Moody.
at n revival meeting held In a remote Western
city. "Thars true, that's true--you're right
there, stranger" said an old farmer, rising from
his seat in his earnestness. WhcreupOn a calm
faced placid looking woman from the other
end OF the pew, took him by the ear, and led him
slowly out, and the assembly knew then, for the
first time that the old mans mind was filed with
domestic thoughts instead Of the hereafter
burlington Hdukeyt.
Out In that Western Eden, as some Dakotians
call it, and at the helm of n newspaper in Fargo
is a poet who surpasscs all bards who have
lived and rhymcd on this planet, not excepting
the singer Of Michigan or the author OF "Maple
Dell" His talent is especially displayed in head
ing the tclegraphic dispatches, aud day after day
All amount Is furnished Of which the following
Is sample AS to style and quantity, the one pc
culiarity being that the final line is never
changed, for the Fargo Argus lie for Grant first
last and on all its pages, and there is good rca
con TO suspect that paper is preparing to seal
him In the Presidential chair, whether he is nom
mated and elected or not But here is the head
ing referred to:
THE GREAT HIVE.
How Doth the Busy Grecian Thug Unto Hi.
Nature Cling, and Swear to Lop the Col.
oncrs Head Unless They Ran
SON Syngc.
How Also Victor Hugo Doth Express His Pioa
Wish tia France Should Shelter
Alexis Foe, nor He
Him Extradish
And Ditto, How the Wise Hannay Delights III,
Jewish Shops, by Stating that His
Lucky Find VIII Cause No
Fall in props"
How Do the Troops Protect Los Home, the Pig
tails Start to Go, Crime and Disaster
Spread Amain-Increase OF
lrelands Woe.
To Struggling Like the Wide Worlds Bees, l.or,
Cause Our Strength to Slant, That We
May Work on Every Day Our
Business End"
For Grant