Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1880-06-01
MARK TWAIN ON THE ANT.
CONVINCED THAT HE is AsHAM.-LEATH-
Err HEADED, UNREASONABLE, oBsTIN-
ATE AND INCONSISTENT.

seemed to have any more sense than a
dead one. refer to the ordinary ant, of
course. / have had no experience Of
these wonderful Swiss and African ones
which vote, keep drilled armies, hold
slaves, and dispute about religion. Those
particular ants may be all that the nat
uralist paints them, but | am persuaded
that the average ant is a sham. | admit
his industry, Of course; he is the hardest
working creature in the world-when
anybody is looking-but his leather head
edness is the point make against him.
He goes out foraging, he makes a cap
turc, and then what does he do: Go
home: No; he goes anywhere but home.
He doesn't know where home is. His
home may be only three feet away; no
matter, he can't find it.
He makes his capture, as | have said !;
it is generally something which can be of
no sort of use to himself or anybody else.
1t is usually seven times bigger than it
ought to be; he hunts out the awkwardest
place to take hold of it; he lifts it bod
lily up in the air by main force, and starts
not toward home, but in the opposite
direction; not calmly and wisely, but
with frantic haste which is wasteful of
his strength; he fetches up against peb.
bic, and insteadof going around it, climbs
over it backwards, dragging his booty
after him, tumbles down the other side.
jumps up in passion, kicks the dust off
his clothes, moistcns his hands, grabs his
property viciously, yanks it this way,then
that. shoves it ahead of him moment,
turns tail and Tugs it after him another
moment, gets madden and madden, then
presently hoists it into the air and goes
tearing away in an entirely new direction !;
comes to weed; it never occurs to him
to "a around it. No he muAt climb it,
dragging his worthless property 10 the
top-which is as bright a thing to do as
it would be for me TO carry sack of
flour from Heidelberg to Paris by way Of
S;rasburg s,ecple; when he gets up there
he hndS that Is aot tie place, takes a cur
sorry glance at the scenery, and either
climbs down again or tumbles down, and
starts off once more-as usual, in new
direction,
Al the end of half an hour he tetches
up within six inches of the place he
started from, he lays his burden down.
Meantime he has been allsovcr the ground
for two yards around, and climbed all the
weeds and pebbles he came across, Now
he wipes the sweat from his brow, strokes
his limbs, and then marches aimlessly of,
in as violent hurry as ever. He trav-
erses good deal of zig-zag country, and
by-and-by stumbles on his same booty
again lie does not remember to have
seen it before; he looks around to see
which is not the way home, grabs his
bundle and starts. He goes through the
same adventures he had before, finally
stops TO rest, and friend comes along.
Evidently the friend remarks that a last
years grasshopper leg is very noble ac-
QUESTION, and inquiries where he got il.
Evidently the proprietor does not remem-
Der exactly where he did get it, but thinks
he got it "around somewhere" Evident
ly the friend contracts to help him freight
it home. Then with Judgment pecu-
liarly antic pun not Intentional they
take hold of opposite ends of that grass
hopper leg and begin to tug with all their
might in opposite directions. Presently
they take a rest, and confer together.
They decide that something is wrong,
they cant make out what. Then they
go at it again, just as before. Same re-
suit. Mutual recriminations follow.
Evidently each accuses the other of being
an obstructionist. They warm up, and
the dispute ends in fight. They lock
themselves together and chew each 9TH
er's jaws for while; then they roll and
tumble on the ground till one loses horn
or leg and has to haul off for repairs
They make up and 60 to work again in
the same old insane way, but the Grip
pied one is at a disadvantage, tug as he
may, the other one drags off his booty
and him at the end of it. Instead of
giving up he hangs on and gets his shins
bruised against every obstruction that
comes in the way. BY. and-by, when
that grasshopper leg has been dragged all
over the same old ground once more it is
finally dumped at about the spot where
it originally lay. The two perspiring
ants ;rSnoct ~ .houph,fully and 1acidn