The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1880-12-16
PTTH AND POINT.
sosnrzxa to Lie aboat-A bed.

SOMETHING to lie about-A bed.
HEAD clerks-Barbers' assistants.
APARTIA1IY deaf man has the L" "Heg"
fever.
A GOOD whisky sling-Sling the bot
tie out the window-after It is empty.
WHAT did Mary say to her Little lamb
when she sent 1t out to grass IN the
evening? ? She said, Eve 60 to SUD
per"
A MUSICIAN wants to know how to
strike a bee fiat and at the same time
avoid being stung by Its demisemi-
quaver.
You've man, don't try to forget your
identity and become somebody else ; foF
The other chap is almost sure to be an
inferior person.
Is THAT a deer park over there ? ?"
asked a gentleman Of a labOrer. f'Yes,
he replied, p" very dear park. It al-
most ruined the owner TO hxit upl"
A LADY being asked how old she was
replied &C. I was married at IS; my
husband was then 80. Now he is twice
as old--that makes ne twice Is. I'm
Tmyoung physician returns from his
vacation to find his patients lively as
criokets. He inwardly VOWS that he VIII
stay at home and attend to business
hereafter.
AN old angler says that a fish does not
suffer much from being hooked. OF
course not. It Is the thought Of how bis
weight VII he lied about that causes
anguish.
LORD BROUGHA1I once, when he was IN
a face6OUs mood, being asked to define
lawyer, said: sc A lawyer is q learned
gentleman, who rescues your estate
from your enemies and keeps 1t him
sell"
BIZ went into a drug store and said to
the dentist: You pulls out mitOUt
pain ?" Certainly" What does dat
cost ?" Gone dollar. Ply shiminy
You dinks dat don't hurt none, py gra-
cious I''
A NORTH CAROLnzA man VIII work
four hours to chop down a tree that a
coon Is In, but nothing would induce
him to split up enough wood to cook the
supper with. The latter proceeding
isn't sport.
TIE Prince Of Wales two sons are
somewhat lively. While on q sea voy-
age recently, the younger was heard to
eIclaim "COme, bUb, tune up your
fiddle and give US, God save your old
grandmother. "
"BUT, you know, pa, said the farm
er's daughter, when he spoke to her
about the address Of his neighbOr's son.
''you know, pa, that ma wants me to
marry a man Of culture" $50 do I,
my dear-sO do /; and there no better
culture in the country than agriculture. %
"DnPLEs, you know, soon turn TO
wrinkles, said SWilton to a dimpied
darling. That can't possibly concem.
you, sir, she replied. How to turn
wrinkles into dimples would be more In
terestng to you, I should think. And.
by the way, what a crop some persons
could raise, couldn't they 2"
els YOUR programme fun, Miss BeetIs-
crusher ?" asked a young man Of a West
ern damsel who had Just struggled out
Of a refreshment room with disappOint-
ment In her eye and an ''OTder Of dances"
In her hand. 4" Programme full 2" said
the daughter Of the setting sun. sWaal,
I guess notl I hain't had nOthin' but a
piece Of cake and an ice-crean, an they
don't go far toward filing my pro
gramne, can tell you. "-Bost0l Com
meTei0L
DOCTOR, SAID a Esping, fashionable
belle, who had graduated at half a dozen
boarding schools, to a friend Of ours,
who had Just been introduced TO her ut
an evening party doctor, which do
you prefer, tholidity Of intellect or
brilliantly? Thum admire thoidity;
hut ath for me, as Shakthpeare thayth
in hith Bride Of Abydoth, I prefer
thohdity and brilliantly combined
The doctor sank into the nearest chain,