The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-01-17
HUMOROUS.

ANANN LIN ShlLDRkS llOAE.-AC
the Union Depot, Detroit, recently,
three children--two boys and girl.
The oldest was about ten and the little
girl about five. The whole party were
dressed very plainly, and rs to who
they were tho old man !explaincd to
the people around hm:
"Waal, you see, live down in Noi-
walk, In Ohio. About dozen years
ago my darter married poor worth
less coOt of a feller up herD, and they
nave never got along worth shucks. 4
few days ago he threw her down stairs
and pounded her black and blue, and
she come down thar, to mo for refuge.
These are the young 'uns. She left
'em behind when she ilcw, and come
on after 'etn. Purity likely set o chill
dren ain't they ?" -.
Eyes, real smart lot Have any
trouble getting thcm?"
"Waal, not much. When got into
the house and told John what ia come
for he kinder balkeu Il little, but took
him right by the windpipe and told
him what was what. Tell you, don't
allow any OF the boys to climb me, If
be upwards Of sixty. Pm going to
take 'cm down home and bring 'em up,
and if there father ever comes within
mile OF us, Pm going to pick him right
up and break his back across stone
wall -
About ten minutes before the train
left the old man called the oldest boy
to his knee and said:
Nov, young man, see here! Pm
your grandfather, and Pm taking you
young 'uns homo to Norwalk. Wc'll
get there with about seven cents to
nn hn,
then, when the boy on the train comes
around with chestnuts, or apples, or
candy, want you to look straight out
of the windowl"
why can't you buy sCmo for me 20
asked tho boy.
Come over my knecp exclaimed
tho GRANDPA her, rs he hauled the bov
nearer. Now, sir, do you want
chcstnuts !"
"I-1-want some, but III wait till
ncAt yearI" gaspcd the boy, as hc felt
the spanking-machine making ready
for business.
VERY we'll. You look ont of the
window at corn and pumpkins every
time you hear the train boy yell 'chest-
nuts! llcre Alonzo-you como up
here"
Alonzo was the second boy. When
grandfather grabbed him and said
"Whcn the train-boy comes along
with apples aud candy and hickory
nut meats what are you going To uo?"
I'm going to ask you to buy me a
whole lot 70
You are, eli? come over my knee,
sir!"
"Oh no | won't--I won't-l WON'T"
shouted the boy rs he danced up and
down and hung back.
"Fery wcll-you see that you don't |!
Now, my little girl, | want 10 gay a
"Oh! grandpa, you needn't say a
single word TO me-" she interrupted.
81 Just hate the sight of chestnutS and
candy, but just as soon as we get into
lhe cars Pun going right to sleep, and
never wake up once"
If the train boy tackled that family
he didn't make a cent.
THERE arc some peculiar, sensitive
people in this world. A young row,iv
will get ripping raving, st2ving drunk
shout, howl, fight, brnise, yell, smash,
anu swear for hours; get grabbed by a
policeman and have his head softened
| and nose mashed on the way to iail, and
| then whine for hours to have his name
kept from tho uewspa pers, out of re.
gard to the feelings Of hiS poor old
! mother who was very sick aud Ut
| deaths door.
FELICIA was gliding down Tren .r,
street yesterday afternoon, with 4 der
by hat OH ard carrying her hands IN
the pocket of her long ulster, when n
small boy run up and said, "Say, miss
tyer had cigar now, you'd be all
right, wouldn't ycr?"
LORD c., whose popularity was
not excessive In the Scotch town Of a ;,
having refused an importunate beggar
sne renewed her applications with
",Now, me lord, If ye'd just give me 1,
little sixpence, | could treat every
friend 20 have In the town."
"Well, Johnny" said fond mother,
hurry up and say your prayers and
get Into bcd.' "Oh, l'vc fixed that all
right. I've hired sls to say 'em for
me this week." Bnt his marrow bones
huggeG tho cold oil-cloth that night
lust ns usual.
MAUD-And now you've shown me
all your fayOrs, dear, do tell mo who
i II.
Alice-O, let me sec There were lots
Of Harvard men of course-ycs, and
some real men.
SCENE, broadway, just out of Wal:
street-"Bill, you weren't down to-
day" "No-mother's dead. Uow's
Erie Z" "Forty-eight; three; when
will she be buriodP" "Saturday, at
two. Got me two hundred at a quar-
tor"
lF man Is dissipatcd, 1t IL true that
he will not live half his days, but then
young Keepitup says he lives out about
two-thlrds of his nights, and that
makes good average.
MIR. SETH GREEN Is respectfully re-
quested to see If the oyster cannot bo
domcsticated In church-fair stews.
WHEN woman promonadcs the
streets leading dog it looks rs if she
couldn't get anything else on tho
string.
YOUNG man don't be afrade to bio
ynre own horn. But don't do it In front
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