South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1880-03-26


Little things should not be despised.
The little toe is tue smallest on the foot
but it always has the largest corn.
Apothecary-"Yo want this prescr;n.
ton filed. sir. understand p' Patrick
-"Divil a bit Of it, sdrr! It's the bot i.
tel wud have filed"
{. 1t shocks ones faith in human nature
to be accosted on the street after night /.
fall with: ''Uf you blees, gif me a few
pennies. vas Irish sufferman..
:, 1t is only the female sex who can rim
darn and tear without being considered
'profane. ~
An OI-City Irishman having signed
the pledge was charged soon afterwar,l,
with having drank. Twas me absent.
mindedness, said Pat, an a habit have
of talkin' wild myself. seq L. Pat, COON
IN an have a dhrink. No, sez /. I've
sworn off. Thin I'll drink alone. sez I
to myself. An I'll wait for yes outside.
sea 1. An whin myself cum out. faith
an he was dhrunk.-Deyrick.
A mustard plaster is a good thing in
its place. but the best place, as far as our
experience goes, is to have the mustard
plaster on ham sandwich.
In Lynchburg, Virginia, distinguish.
ed member of the bar. appealing to the
Court for the discharge of his client.
wound up with the statement that if the
Court sent him on further trial, a stain
would be left on his character which
could not be washed off by all the waters
OF the blue ocean, and all the soap which
could be manufactured from the "pon.
derous carcass of the commonwealth
attorney" To this the ponderous attor.
ney replied that, while he deemed il
foreign TO tho case at the bar, he desired
to advise the Court, if they thought it
advisable to boil his body into soap, thew
should look to the opposite counsel for the
concentrated lye out of which to make 1t -
a young American, who had been in
Paris for year studying medicine, was
visited by his father. Like a dutiful
son, he parades his paternal conscien.
tioIsly through the city. and points out
its architectural lions. Finally they halt
before manipulated building. "What
is that lordly pile ?" asks the old man.
Il don't know" replies the youth "but
there is sergent de ville." They cross
over, and put the question. "That, gen.
tlemen," says the official, lis the Aledi-
cal School"
An English writer thinks the Ameri.
can early potatoes will come to an end
ere long, for as each new variety is claim.
CT to Iipen about ten days earlier than
any other, the time between planting
and digging will soon be used up.
A wcllknown lawyer of New York,
being perplexed over a point of law. call.
ed at the office Of brother attorney TO
consult him upon it. The latter remark.
ed, with dignity, that he usually had paw
for his advice. "Then," said LAWYER
number one, extending fifty cents, "tell
me all you know, and give me back the
change"
a MINIATURE SERMON. "A minister
of our acquaintance was seated in his
study one day, hard at work on his ser.
mon, when his little boy entered and
held up his finger, which he had lust cut
with his new jack-knife. ooh, don't DO.
ther me y said his father; don't YOU
see am busy ?" The youngster walk
ed to the door, and looking back, said .
81 don't think it would have hurt YOU TO
say, oh ! Plat. Golden Rule.
UNCLE JOHNNY AT CHURcH.-When
good Governor S., who is most devout
Episcopalian, was the Chief Magistrate
OF Kentucky, he was wont TO frequently
entertain the members of the General
Assembly at the governors mansion
To one of these evees came, with the
member from his county, an old noun.
taineer who had just reached Frankfort
with a raft of logs which he had brought
down the Kentucky River.
The old man. who was called familiar.
ly ''Uncle johnny" soon became the
centre of an admiring group, TO whom
his jean clothes were not at all an inn
proper attire for the governors leyee :;
and his tongue being loosed by glass
of sherry wine-which he then tasted for
the first time in his life-he was enter.
tanning bis auditors with stories from
"his county" when the governor mp.
preached.
Uncle Johnny. here is the governor"
said one Of the company and straight
way the old man was silent, for he was
overwhelmed by this first vision of the
majesty Of the commonwealth.
"Go on with your story, Uncle John q.
n.y." said some one 'the governor will
like TO hear it.
yes, 90 on, Uncle Johnny" said the
governor, with kindly smile Of encour.
agement and the old man, thus con
WINGED that even the governor was also n
man, concluded lis narrative.
Then, becoming bolder, he venturcd
20 address the governor, saying: