The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-02-03

|
pany with her son, and said:
| VI want to sec some ulcer ovcrcoats
for boys"
"You mean ulster-u-l-s-t-e-r," he
replied.
"Did ask for ulcer ovcrcouts2"
eyes, ma 'am."
"Then 1 want to see ulcer overcoats,
| no matter how you spell it! | got up
ut O'Clock this morning, rode fourteen
| miles facing the wind, sold two hogs
and barrel Of cider, and if [ don't
know what want Pm not going to take
any advice from walking goose-quill
| like yonn'
In is an affecting sight to see two
young men, only about twenty or
twenty-five years of age, In soldiers
blue on our streets turning hand Or
gan and collecting nicklcs on this gala
day. 1t Is all the saddcr when tJ is re-
mcmbercd that the war closed fifteen
years ago, and that ut tho time when
those veterans suffered and bled for
their country, they could not have been
more than five or ten years Of age.
BLrvENs' LUCK.--'Talking about
downright bull-hcadcd luck said old
Buffers the other day. 'Why, that fell
~" hithIho oStt'o aiiy olic cfeI llSuIu
off,
FLOWS that2' said the barkecper.
"Why, the other day his tailor ran
away with his wife. just think Of it
two ten strikes i'm one day. And Buff
fers walked off, grumbling about the
unfair partiality Of Providence.
WHEN you see young man IN gorge
Gus apparel walking about the street
with his arms hanging In curves from
his body like the wings of an over
heated turkey on a summers day, it
isn't because he is in pain. 1t is be-
cause he has be,n "abroad."
A MICHIGAN newspaper says It is
permitted by etiquette in that state for
bride to be married without gloves,
1t being supposed to be typical Of the
manner in which she will handle her
husband when she gets better acquaiut-
ed with him, and proceeds to regulate
her household,
MIR. .-"Bc me sowl but
that was Miss Vivash we've passed.
Ye know her--tbc nate litt'e actress ?"
Mrs. OF .-"Nonscnse, Patrick! She's
dcaG and gone" Nlr. O'F.-"Thrue
for ye, darlint, so she Is. 1t couldn't be
her and now look again, she isn't
even in m0urnin'."
Rob: Well, Tom, how best thou this
morn ?-Tom: l oughter to be doing
we'll; had couple Of fowls for break
inst-a foul look and q foul tongue;
besides the tea were made Of rue and
torment, and the water come from
Grumblc well.
ELDER sister Ito little one who ap0
peared to tako great interest in Mr..
Skibbons.) "Come, little pct, It is
time your eyes were shut IN sleep"
Little Pet: 81 think not. NJ other told
me to keep my eyes open when younnd
MIR. Skibbons were together"
ORNAMENTAL Daughter Con her mar
ringc morning, to her matter-of-fact
ParO--papa. | shall be something for
good to-day, don't you know? Matter
of fact Papa-And hope, my dear,
that from to-day you will be good tor
something,
POSITIVE, Comparative, Superlativo
Criticism - Argumentative Consorva-
tiVe-Wcll, you carn't deny as 'ow
Bckinstleld ave got hon. Argumcnta-
tive Libcral--Ah, he may 'aye got hon,
and lie may 'aye got honor, but blow
me ifhe'll ever git honest.
BEAUTY (weary of q tircsome rigmar-
ole): "Ihc beautiful language in
which you have expressed yourself,
Major, conVinces me that"-Major:
'That-singular as it may seem-that
you arc my first love" Beauty: "No.
Major-yOur last.''
Tie clergyman in a certain town
having, as the custom Is, published the
banns of matrimony between two per-
sons, he was followed by the clerks
reading the hymn beginning with these
words, ''Deluded souls that dream of
heaYcn!"
DON'T tell your wife that sealskin
sacques are going out Of fashion. Her
mind Is definitely settled on that ques-
tiOn. and she will reply that she Is GLAD
for they will be so cheap.
"OH, mamma, did you see those pretty
howers in that conservatory? l wish
you'd buy me one - at would fade
before you got home. darling" "Would
itP Now, buns don't fade, mamma -
lHE saWmlll runs TO the tune of q
logarythm.
a BAD scrapc--B Being shaved with q
dull razor.
THH lap of luxury--whcn the cat gets
cream
A ANGRY man should pull down his
cholcr.
A REVENUE cutter--A clipper Of
coupons. ..
GRAVE RUN MILLS. Baltimore CO.. Md.
MEssRs. KENNEDY e Co.:-Ihe
Carboline Is making young hair come
| on my bald head.
PcTER +. SHEARER.
This Is a fair sample of the certlfl-
, Gates which arc received daily at the
Pittsburg office.
OPIUM Is the most dangerous drug.
especially when given. to children I'm
the shane of "A snnthinn co,>>,,..