Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-04-15
PUNGENT PARAGRpHs.

PUNGENT PARAGRPHS,
Proposals are in order, girls. Re-
member, no bachelor should be without
one. YonEers Statesman.
When woman cries for ANYTHING
she wants she is getting at the sighence
OF the thing. Steu6enUslle Herald.
And now the starch manufacturers
have formed ring and are going to
put up prices. They mean to stifen
the market. - Philadelphia Bulletin.
What WANT said pompous
orator, aiming at his antagonist, SIS
good common sense.'' "Exactlyr'
was the whispered reply; "that's Just
what you need.''
The subscriber who wants to know
what is the most difficult thing to raise
on farm is informed that the farmers
son will fill the bill pretty well about
.. Chicago Tribune.
1T is probably true that the darkest
hour is just before the dawn, and that
the biggest fool on record was the man
who got up at such an unhealthy hour
OF the night to find it out.
Elderly gentleman to q Freshman
on the train: " You don't have any
ticket?" "No, travel on my good
looks. "Then," after looking him
Cver. probably you amt goin' very
far"
Some men have difficulty in collect
ing their accounts. Others are unable
to collect their thoughts. In many in
stances both might as well be left out
standing. 1t costs more than they are
worth to collect them.
A robust countryman meeting
physician ran to hide himself behind
wall. Being asked the cause he re-
piled: It is so long since have been
sick that am ashamed to look physi-
clan in the face. boston Post.
-"Oh, come on, let's have some
fun" says ragged urchin to little knee
breeches. Cant. Mother won't let
me- 'Spose she won't. Ask your
me by the unit rule, and catch the fer
rule if I try to vote against instruc-
tions."
The German comic newspapers
have picture of youth astride of
horse which the father is anxious to
dispose of to customer who stands by,
and the boy, who is in ignorance of the
nature of the bargain, leans from the
saddle and whispers to his parent:
Father, shall ride him to buy or to
selp''
"A st. Louis girl recently forwarded
the following to her young man:
DEER WILL-Doant KUN to see me eny more
skeered about burglars, and he sits up every
mite till late with double-barrelled shotgun
which was cummin over the fens after abone
last mite.
The rose is red, the violet blew,
wouldn't KUN now If was you.
There is one boy in this city, says
the Rochester Democrat, whose bosom
is filed with pure and calm delight.
For some offense his father took his
sled away from him in the early part of
should not have it again until another
season, and the boy confidentially re-
marked to friend that "this warm
weather was the best rig on the old man
he had ever heard of.
When q man in a Vermont grocery
store was sitting upon the edge of the
counter, and his feet slipped and he
raked the whole length of his back on
the counters edge, and sat square down
in bushel basket of eggs which stood
right where he couldn't miss it, the
grocer was Mortified, and exclaimed:
"Was it an accidentp' and the victim
replied: "By Jove, sir, if you insinuate
that skun my back and got myself
into this mess on purpose, I'll jam
your head into the remains of those
eggs!'
Astronomers say that the planet
Neptune is so far away from the earth
that if Adam and Eve had from the
first day of their existence started on
a railroad train and travelled steadily,
day and night, at the rate of thirty
miles an hour, toward Neptune, they
would by this time have traversed only
little more than half the distance to
the vaporous orb. The human race
is, therefore, to be congratulated upon
the fact that Adam and Eve did not
undertake any such foolish trip.-Ronae
Sentinel.