Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1880-10-07
Lime.kiln Club Proceedings.

A LATE inventory of the effects of the
Club by the keeper of the Bear-trap
shows that it is possessed of the follow
ing extra valuable relics: A silver mug
once owned by John Quincy Adams; a
cooked hat worn by Napoleon; a sword
with which Shakespeare killed a bear; a
bowie-knife carried by the Maid of Or
leans; several burdock leaves gathered
on the field of Waterloo; George Wash
ington's favorite boot-jack; a coat-tail
which once graced the person of
Cicero; the spoon with which Diogenes
ate his last pudding and milk; boot
worn by Falstaff; a bottle of the soft
soap used by William Penn when get
ting his claws on Indian lands, and the
only and the identical two-gallon Jug
which held the whisky belonging to
Lord Howe during his stay in America.
Any one having in his possession the
horse-pistol with which Martin Luther
was shot can hear of a purchaser by ad-
dressing the Club.
THE SICK.
The Committee on the Sick reported
that Hanover Small, a local member
living on Kentucky Street, was lying
seriously i'll, the result of eating three
watermelons, two muskmelons, six APP
piles, three or four pears, a dozen plums,
two turnips, part of a head of cabbage
and three hearty meals in about twenty
hours. He was feeling very quiet and
Undetermined, and hoped the Club
would grant the pecuniary relief pro-
vided for such emergencies.
squeezes outer dis Club won't buy huff
white string to harness up 'skeeter,"
replied Brother Gardner, as he passed
along the report. "When a member of
dis Club emagines dat he was blilt fur
de purpose of chawin' up de products
of dis kentry inside of one full day he
mus make his own arrangements to
take keer of his own stomach. I'll gin
dat chap short lectur' on de subjeck
of gastric juices de mex time he puts in
an appearance here"
A sELF-sACRIFICING MEMBER.
Thunderbolt Stevens here claimed the
attention of the chair, and asked if he
was mistaken in believing that seventy
two members Of the Club scratched their
chilblains in that hall in unison during
the month of February. Being informed
that the figures were entirely correct he
went on to say that the matter had re-
ceived his earnest attention for several
months past. Early in the spring he
had determined TO either invent an in
strument by which scratching the soles
of the feet would be made a joyful rec
reation from the burdensome cares of
life, or do away with the necessity for
using any thing of the sort. The latter
idea was the one he had been at work
on. He had been experimenting on the
soles of his own feet, and he had struck
it rich. After trying tar, glue, rosin,
pitch, lime-water, clay, acids and vari-
Gus other things, he had invented a COM
pound which would not only drive out
old chilblains, but discourage all new
corners. He took this early opportunity
of announcing his discovery and held
himself ready to put all the feet in the
club in good walking-match condition
free of charge. sf..
On motion of Col. Hooper Andrews a
vote of thanks was rendered Brother
Stevens, and he was given the privilege
of moving his stool six feet nearer the
Bear-trap.
THE GLEE CLUB.
Each member of the Glee Club drop.
ped a troche into his mouth, and the
hall was filled with the strains of "The
New Long Ago." written by Black
berry Stevens. The first verse runs as
follows:
Long, long ago-long ago?
Whar' am de house dat once used to rent.
Long, long ago-long ago2
Detroit Free Press.