The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1880-04-02
News from all Around.

The services of the Philadelphia ice
boats have not been required in a single in
stance during the winter of lS79-SO.
My boy " said distinguished mer
chaut to his son. who was medta'ing mat.
rimony, be surc,in your selection, to get hold
ofa piece of goods that will not wash.
A printer, in setting up the sentence
eve are but parts of a stupendous whole
by q mistake ut letter made it read, "we
are but par , of stupendous whale.
Take ticket, sir, for the benefit of the
widows and Orpha' $ Fund society p
"Well, a-a.s: don't care 50 much for the
orphans, but go it strong for tn, widows
The United States Supreme court has
decided that capital invested in national
banks cannot be assessed by the State au.
thoritios at higher rate than other mon
eyed capital.
Religion apparently nourshes in Lead
Vile. The Episcopal parish there have Of
terred Mrs. Latey OF Omaha 81 200 to sing |
for them year, and her sister Miss Spoor
5000.
There is little difficulty with reference
to the will of the late Senator Chandler, it not
having the requisite humber of witnesses,
aud all Ills real estate in Washington will
have to be sold at auction to give a solid
title
-"If it wasln't for the hope the heart
would break as the old woman said when
| she buried her seventh husband. and looked
anxiously among the funeral crowd for an.
other
The easiest way to get living" says a
vagabond poet, sis to sit on a gate and wait
for good luck, In case good !ucE don't
come alot &, you are no worse off than you
was before
| An insurance agent, urging citizen to
| get bis life insured said. "Get your life in
sured for ten-thousand dollars, and then if
you die next week the widdtr's heart will
sing for joy"
-"Lor, Jane" said fair invalid of our
acquaintance, 81 do feel so bad Do, please.
make me a tumbler Of brandy and hot wat
| er as hot and strong rs you can, and Just
make Inc take it whether | will or no.
"A Cleveland drummer received 5000
| from Mill Creek township, Mercer county,
fr damages to his samples caused by his
tumbling in the mud on account of the bad
condition of the road.
An Iowa woman examined a straw cut
ter in a hardware store, and she has Just re-
covered $500 damages for the loss of two
tinger., on the ground that the machine was
not labelled dangerous"
-Willamsport lumber manu- facturers es-
innate that two hundred millions of feet of
lumber have already been cut and banked
on the streams ready to be hoated to the
boom when the spring freshets set in. A
busy season is anticipated at the mils.
-Johnathan presented himself and his
intended to the minister for the purpose of
being married Being questioned if they
had been published, oh, guess so for told
it to Uncle Ben, aud he told his wife MORN
a week ago.
"A little four year old child in Portland
told his father he was a fool. On being rep
rimauded by his mother and required to saw
he was sorry, he toddled up to the insulted
parent and exclaimed, Papa Fam sorry
you's fool"
"A fellow coming out of tavern one
cold frosty morning rather p.heavy, fell
on the door step. Trying TO regain his foot
ing he remarked, "lf it be true that the
wicked stand on slippery ground, | must be-
long to another class for its more than I can
do"
A genius once undertook to name and
classify the different sort OF fools in the
world First, the ordinary fool second
the fool who is one and don't know it
| third, the fool that is not satisfied with be
ing foot in reality, but undertakes in ad
ton, to play fool.
I heard a good thing one evening at
| party. Miss Joy was present, and in tn,
course of the evening some one used tn,
quotation, "A thing of beauty is a 10y ior
! Aver," when she exclaimed, oh I'm glar
l'm not a beauty, for | should want to b,
f icy for ever"
r "A celebrated barrster retired from
practice, was one dav asked his sincere opin
! ion of the law. why, the fact is" reioin
ed he, IF any man were to obtain the Goa
o | upon my back, and threaten my efusll with
d a lawsuit, he should certainly haye it, leas
. in defending my coat should loose m
waistcoat also,
The fastest time ever made by ireigh
train between St. Louis and I exas has us
! been accomplished. There were twenty car.
. with thousand kegs of beer. Galveston
and other Texas cities had run out of beel
and were thirsty hence the hurry.
The crematory at Washington. Pa
l. promises to become profitable investment
t The manager says that he has application
from hundred persons 10. various parts
the country who express a desire to be it
. cinerated there after death. The charge
thirty-tilve dollars. No discount on chi
y dren.
A hen always kicks backwards aftt
lay ing an egg. Bridgeport Yankee is I,
ported to have turned this fact to accour
IN inven ing device to prevent the sale
& stale eggs. When the hen kicks she hi
" an electric disk, to which is attached rut
| har nd ba
date on each egg.
"A schoolmaster in ueighborng tow
+ while on his morning walk, passed hy III
" door OF neighbor, who was excayating
ID log from pig trough. "Why," said Ii
II schoolmaster, "Mr :. have you not turn
a. ,ure enough yet ?" "Yes," said the mar
~ "enough for my own family, but expe,
10 to board the schoOlmaster this winter, AN
" am making preparations"
~ Jones who has been to see the soldier
>, says that the curiousest thing about them
the odd oaths the officers use. And the
le swear right along, he says When the
p want the men To march, they yell out, +
of the right flank march" by company
80 right wheel" or some other equally FINN
~ imprecation. But, says Jones, 1t brings III
men every time, makes them jump as thong
a hornet had lit onto 'em.
Mis- J. p. Davis, of NOrriston, is no
in her seventy-seventh year. At about h,
usual age her teeth began to fail and she
,n nally lost them all. In the summer of Is,
she began to be troubled with pain IN h.
D" upper jaw AID soon q full third set o teel
er made their appearance. They grew to Ii
Ise usual size and have since remained il, po,
ne condition, but no new teeth appeared in ii
lower jaw.
ia A Bradford dispatch to the Philade
~ phia Press states that the Knights of Lab
'u' are busy in all that region creating disco
ce, tent, sowing dissenion and creating ,triL
w. among the miners. The number now on
20. strike is estimated at between 1000 a,
5000 The coal and transportation GONNA
ny les announce their intention OF REFUSING +
as demand the strikers made The malconte