The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1880-03-09
THE ELEVATION OF THE STAGE.

New York Graphic.I

The New York Elevator Theatre Company
was rehear>inL, and went to the rehearsal.
Not only was the stage managed by steam, but
so was the entire company. The actors went
by steam. Have they not done so be fore SO
did the actresses. 1t was the new system. 1t
was the very triumph OF tie Applicant
Mechanical Emotional idea. The inventor
manufactured his own company. He wrote
his play first and then manufactured the actors
to suit the parts.
I'm rehearsing my Steam Hamlet" said
he. Come in and see him.
The new steam Hamlet was interviewing
the Ghost. The gutta perclla pipe conveying
to him the motive emotional power from the
dramatic boiler trailed after him on the stage.
The steam Hamlet spoke: "Angels and
ministers Of grease"
Hold up said the inventor to the
dramatic engineer, ''there's a screw loose
somewhere in his labial or laryngeal
machinery. He says 'e' when lie means "a
It's grace, not greace, isn't it."
! said it was, though ministering angels of
grease might not be Inappropriate for a
machine Hamlet.
The inventor of the new machine dramatic
and steam elocutionary power system I'M
screwed Hamlet'S jaws, took out his larynX,
filed down some little brass projections and
filed the tongue. He then put it back and
signed for the engineer to turn on the steam.
The working apparatus visible in the wings
much reSembled that of steam drill, and
was similarly handled. The Hamlet steam
regulator stood at the head of the row, the
Others of similar construction being labeled
King, Queen, Polonius, Horatio, Laertes,
Ophella, Gravedigger Nos. l and 2, etc.
The entire machinery bore a vague resem-
blance to that Of the railway signal box.
..TbrIl- hnU- II lcSSanS pNpnpSpS - SojI tla
mechanical manager. NO sails for the stars.
No expense but costumes, coal oil and The
engineer and fireman. | can raise the curtain
with this mechanical steam power company
for less than 500 per night. At least, when
the invention is perfected"
You have not perfected the invention,
then?"
No, nor Edison either. Inventors rarely
do. But what am | saying? Turn the steam
on again."
CANCELS and Minister'S
'.Too much emotional power to the square
inch, Mr.. Guasepower. He's too violent.
Turn it on a little more gradually"
angels and ministers of grass"
Shut down, engineer. That vowed valve
in the trachea bothers me TO death. First &c
where we want "a and "a where We want &c,
and "a where we want "a Remove Hamlet
to the workshop. We must have an entire
new labial apparatus cast for him. Trot out
Ophelia in the mat scene"
The engineer turned The power oil Ophelia
too suddenly and she was projected on the
stage with a shrek like that of a locomotive.
Besides, the abruptness of her motion cuased
her gutla percha steam pipe to become
%entangled IN those of the King and Queens
There was a general confusion, a series OF
sharp snaps mingled with the hiss of escaping
steam. Still Ophelia continued to tear round
and broke things.
s'Good heavens, Mr.. Gaugepower, you've
drawn steam from the wrong boiler on
Ophelia. That isn't Ophelia's boiler you've
connected with her. That's Williamson's
brassy kings boiler in Struck OIL"
True. OpheIia was rehearsing that part,
and hitting out at everybody.
ssThings will get mixed in thisi invention, OF
course, before its perfected" said the mechan'
ical Evolutionary dramatist to me, APOLOGIZE,
cally. He hadn't a chance to say more, fol
just then Ophelia, coming out again, R. E.
hit him a clip over the head, aud he sat down
"Shut her off, MI. Gaugepower =! he roared
sShut her off. She's tore down the castle
walls already
81 can't, Mr.. Applicant, l can't. Her emo
tional valve is broken and she's mir or
her own hook"
At that moment there was q terrible explo.
sion. The elevator stage set for the first
scene shot up through the roof the theatre
followed by the remaining scenes set for the
play. Then the dramatic debris came dow
again through the hole in the roof and tilleC
up the deep pit.
"That's nothing" said the mechanical dra
matte steam power manager 'It's done Sc
twice before. but I'm bound to stick TO the
system till its perfected Remove the deat
and bury the wounded. There's enough o
Ophelia left to build another on. Her leg
and lungs are still u%ninjured l see 'em. III
lucky we took Hamlet to the workrhop t.
treat him tor the mechanical bronchitis-isn
it, though? ?"
/ have no doubt that the applicant steam
emotional system will work powerfully whel
perfected"