Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1880-02-06
HuinOr.

panlment they keep.-Boston Transcript.
Writs of error-Love letters to anotb-
er mans wife.
"The Bernhardt" has been i'll. She
is no better than she should be.
If you want eggs in winter never
keep old hens. When hen is three
years old sell her for spring chicken
"Horrid little thing, without set Of
bangs to her name" is the newest Chi
cago phrase for describing rival.
There is young lady who follows
the fashion so closely that she will not
eat oysters unless they are scolloped.
He said he wanted her to be his help
mate, and she replied that she could
never be more than assister to him.
Man may grasp and save all through
life, but it ends there, for all he takes
when he dies is his departure.-.Ste,l
benuiile Herald.
Artemus Ward once said that lie
will live. If this is the case, nearly all
the works of Eli Perkins a.e immortal.
Atlantic Constitution.
A boy recently hung himself because
Somebody found fault with him. That
boy was certainly not born to be a coun-
try editor Turner Falls reporter.
"How is your wife, Mr.. So" SaysS.,
pointing to where his wife sat in the
next room at work en- his coat, ''She's
sew-sew." Mr.. J.-"Oh, see; she's
mending, sure enough. -Boston Posi-.
When, upon inquiry after a young
lady's health, we learn from her own
lips that she is nicely" we know that
she was born in our beloved New Eng
land, and that she would be "purty
vel" out west, and "tolable" in the
south.
Great men do not consider themselves
above everybody else; It's those igno.
rant little runts who wear standup col
lars and sport canes. and who refuse to
pay their washing bills, that think every
one beneath them. - Yonkers Gazette.
Professor Perry has devised disper-
sion photometer." If it can dispense
crowd quicker than man going around
with hat taking up collection, his
photometer may be regarded as an
overwhelming success Norristo,0n Her
aid. /
This being leap year, Main street
lady thought she would make a propo-
sal, and she did. She proposed to the
young man who had been keeping her
up nights that he clear out and give
som ebody else chance, and he took
the hint and cleared.
A great many boys and girls fall des-
perately in love with each other, and
rave over disappointed hopes before
they are old enough to tell the differ
ence between the heartache and the
collie. Very few snch cases prove fatal.
-SteubenmNe He'dM.
In the Berkshire hills there was flu
neral The woman who mingles curios-
ity with pity was there with the mourn.
ers. To the afflicted widow in mel
ancholy voice, she said: "When did you
get your new eight day clock?" 81 amt
got no new eight day clock" responded
the bereaved woman. "Why, what is
that in the corner? Amt that an eight
day clockY" persisted the curious visit
or. "No, that amt clock, that's the
deceased. We stood it on end in the
corner to make room for the mourn
ers."
They were sitting silently by the par
lnr fire, intently watching the hands OF
the clock rs they slowly crawled around
to the biggest striking place. Suddenly
she said "Mr. Lourdand, can you tell
me why you are like century planI"
MIR. L. nervously adjusted his eye-glass,
wriggled about in his chair and stam-
mef ed: "Be-be-caw-caw ]
sh-sh-shall l-l-live for-for-for.
ever" mo, you Ounce; its because it
takes you so long to leave"
There is nothing" said little Mr..
Barkingsdale, who was jumping at the
top hook in the hat rack with mis- new
silk hat, "there is nothing" he painted,
with another desperate jump-"suc.
ceeds"-and up he went again-"llke,'
and he made jump that a kangaroo
might have envied-"like he shout
ed, as he slapped his hat fairly over the
hook, held on TO the brim just second
too long, tore it clear OFT, pulled the
hook through the side Of his hat, and
then as the whole hat rack came over
on the top of him and he thrust his
head through the mirror in the middle
Of it, roared in desperate and legitimate
/ cOnClQSlOn-E suCC6sst Anu ali lut lSot
of the guests seemed to think so, too,
for the enthusiasm was tremendous.
boy once took II in his head
That he would exercise his sled.
He took the sled into the road
/ And, lord massey how he slode.
And as he slid. he laughing cried
What fun upon my sed 10 slide.
And as he laughed before he kncwed,
He from that sliding sled was slude.
i Upon the slab where he was laid
They carved this line: "Tnir how was sade.
| -hdHsdS city Tfmes.
IT Il us not In mourniul numbers,
Life is hut an empty dream.
When milk lie seven cents quart
And raises mighty ltile cream.
The ship North America, which late
" arrived at Liverpool, reported en-
countering "a chain of icehergs" in the
south Atlantic of a great extent and
dangerously situated in the track Of
ssels homeward bound round Cape
Horn. These ice masses were first
met by the Nlrth American on her
,pa,, fre,r, Sap Erapciapn after naSgino