The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1880-08-11
Ny WIVES BnIpAn TOUR.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

When I married mv second wife
she was dreadful set about going OF
! for a bridal tour. | told her she'C
/ better wait six months or yeaI
and I'd try to go with her, but sh,
said she'd rather 90 alone-when ,
woman was travelling, a man was al
out and out humbug.
1 So gave her seventy-iive cents
and told her to go off and have
good time. I never begrudge money
1 where my wifcs happiness is con
ecrned. Ny first wife never coulC
complain Of not going anywhere, fol
I'm dreadful fierce TO 90 off on gooC
times myself, and always was.
don't pretend to say how many
times / took her ont TO see the en-
CINE squirt, and there was no end tC
free Lectures [ 1T her 90 to. The
neighbors used 20 say:
st does beat all how the Sklnner>
do 60 :"
When Signor Blitz was in Skunk
vile. with his wonderful canaries
he gave my wife q complimentary
Inot only sold that ticket for my
wife, but I gave her half the money.
/ don't boast oft, though: | only
mention it to show how much /
thought ofmy wifc's happiness.
! don't think any man ought 70
got married until he can consider
his vifc's happiness only second TO
his own. John Wise, 4 ncighbor OF
mine. did thusIy, and when | got
married / concluded to do like
Wise
But the plan didn't work in the
case of my second wife No, !
should saw not. | broached the sub
icct kindly:
Matilda" l said, | suppose you
are aware that | am now your lord
and master.
Not much YOU amt.
Mrs. skinner replied, you
are faartullv dcmoralized; you need
reorganization at once. You arc
cranky.
And l brandished my new sixty
two-ccnt umbrella wildly around
her. She took the umbrella away
from Inc and locked me up in the
clothes press.
lam quick to draw an inference
and the inference | drew was that ]
was not q success rs Il rcorgaHizer O
female women.
After this | changed my tactics. J
Jet her have her own way, and th,
plan worked TO "a charm from the
very first Us the best way Of man
ageing a wife ] know Of OF course
TINS between YOU and me.
So when nay wife was bound tc
go Oh on tour cordially consent
ed.
Go, Matilda said /, "and sta,
as long as YOU want to, thent il yoJ
feel as though You would like t,
stay a little longer, stay. my dear
.3v.
She told me to stop talking anC
go up stairs and get her red hanne
night cap. and bag OF penny-roya
for her Aunt Abieale.
Aiv wife is % very smart woman
She was a Baxter, and the Baxter.
are very smart family indeed
Her mother, who Is going on eighty
can fry more siapjacks now than hal
those primped-up city girls who rat
tie ON the piano or else walk th,
streets with their iWbellows and fix
nes. pretending toget mad il Il you'll
looks at 'em pretty hard, but gettin.
mad in earnest if YOU don't noticl
them at all
All, girls amt what they used L
be when J was young and the fel
lows are worse still. When | wen
cougting, lor instance, inever though
ci STAYING after ten o'clock, and qnl,
went twice "a week. Now they 9,
seven nights in the week, and cry be
cause there amt eight Then the,
write touching notes to each othe
during the day:
Dear George, DO YOU love me n
much now as YOU did at a qumtei
past twelve last night? Say you do
dearest. and it viii give me courag
to go down to dinner and tackl,
them cold beans left over from yes
terday"
Wen, well, / suppose they EMO,
themselves, and it amt for us oil,
folks. whose hearts are a little cal
!oused by long wear, to interfere
Letthem get together and court ]
they Ike it-and | think they do
] was fortv-soyen when | courtcdm,
present wife, but it seemed Just "A
nice TO sit on a little cricket at he
feet and let her smooth my hair as j
did thirty years ago.
As ! said before, my wife is a yer,
smart woman, but she could not b.
anything else and be q Baxter. Sh
used to give lectures on Women
Rights, and in one place where sh,
locturcd a big college conferred th
title of l.. l.. D. on her, but sh
wouldn't take it.
NO, gentlemen she said, give j
TO the poor
She was always just SO charitable
. ~nc gave nay boys permission TO Q
barefoot aIi winter, and insisted uI
on it so much in her kind way tha
they couldn't refuse.
She fairly dotcs on my children
and I've seen her many a time 90 t
their trowscrs pockets and take ou
their pennies, after they'd got t
sleep, and put them in the bureau
drawer for fear they might los
them.
I started to tell you about IN
wifc's bridal tour, but the fact is
never could find out much about
myself ] believe she had a GOO
time. She came back improved j
health, and ! found out before sh
had been in the house twenty-fou
hours that she'd gained in strengtI
also / don't say how found
out simply say | fodnd it out. i
conclusion, | would say to all youn
men: Mary your second wife frs
and keep out Of debt by all mean.
nNen II Won have 10 borrow th