Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-08-21
AN
a Times Reporter Attempts to Furn-
ish Copy at Double His Usual
Rate of speed q nd Gets
Things Mixed.
From The Kansas City Journal ],

From the Kansas City Journal ]
- There is-a reporter at The Times
Office who writes with equal rapidity
with either hand. He is an ambi-
dexter, and a bold, bad one at that.
When there is q rush at the Office and
the devil is shouting "coDpee" like a
.6end iucarnate, this useful reporter
sits down at his desk i'll full company
'front.' aud, with q pencil in each hand,
slings off local happenings by the
ward. He writes Oh two sheets at
one and don't let his right hand
know what his left hand is driving
at but tits driving all the same.
Yesterday he got q little of his
mental base, aud attempted to write
up q dog fight and a wedding in high
life at the same time. He got things
mixed. His hands ran clear away
with the gray matter in his skull,
and things became terribly confused.
This is che way his items teIescoped
each other:
AT Grace church, last night, the
nuptiais Of Mr.. Thomas Johnson aud
Mas julia Lawrence we're celebrated
in most magnificent style. "A costly
floral horse shoe being directly over
the alter, and when the yellow u
saw the flames of anger dating from
the eyes of the brindle fys,e lie
opened with the impressive strains
tOf Ihe wedding march. AS the hand
nome couple walked down the aisle
/ the excited crowd began to get fran
tic, and there were yells OF "sick 'ein,
Bull - CAT him now, Towser," as the
spectators became interested in the
fight. The bride vas elegantly at
tired in pure white garments of the
most costly fabrics, and she wore the
traditional veil and wreath of Grange
b~lossoins had him by the neck aud bis
fonghe began to lcll ont aud his eyes
to torn somersaults as if in the Gus
tomary black dress suit; white gloves,
ears cropped close to his head. He
was a disreputable looking dog i'll
the beginning, and ought to have
been whipped for being so homely.
He is of good family and is engaged
in one of the most extensive manu-
featuring enterprises in the west.
But the yellow u seemed 10 be get
ting q death grip on the throat OF the
big brindle, n when he tenderly
kissed the bride according o the
ancient custom his back was covered
with mud aud his off hind leg was
terribly chewed up.
Among the costly presents received
by the happy pair were a fine grand
piano from the father OF the bride
hair had been scalded from his back
and one eye seemed TO have been
struck with an augur. After a short
bridal tour the happy pair will settle
down to one of the hardest fought
battles the reporter has yet witnessed,
and it was difficult Il tell which dog
had been punished worst. The fight
ended at exactly 4:48, after having
been bitterly contested for al hour
aud q half were driven to the resi-
dence Of the brides parents, aud ne
was taken to his owners home i'll a
wheelbarrow. He will probably
never recover. and if he doe will
be Totally blind. Beside being per-
manently lame in the left hind leg,
the beautiful bride received the col
kratulations of q host of friends. The
groom Is one of our most promising
young men, aud his owner breads the
possibility of losing him as lie fears
he eau never replace him. The father
of the bride is one of our wealthiest
merchants, and the yellow fyste
imped of with a knowing look in his
eye and q saucy curl in his tail, as
much Is to say "Who else wants
to try me Z"
The ambidexter was summarily
ss6red."