The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-06-17
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

thrown IN our midst, and if it he not at
once nipped in the bud, twill burst into
u conflagration that may deluge the
whole world!"
"What are you crying for. sallyf'
Zoos l got the toothache.' 'Boy--You
go round to grandmother; she'll show
yer what TO do; she knows how to take
hers out and put 'em back whenever she
wants.
Mrs. Shoddy-"Lor, I'm so dull lwbat
are you doin' of, Mary dear1" Miss
Mary-"Nothing at all. I'm ennuled to
dcath9' Mrs. Shoddy-"Well, ring the
bell for John. Well have the cook up
and scold her-just to kill time"
A story is told of jolly good fellow
who resided in Chicago about four years,
and while on an eastern train, was asked
how he liked the water out West. "By
George! Mr. said he, after u mo-
ment's reflection, ~ never thought to try
it!'
There is nothing SO charming as the
innocence Of children. Mamma said a
5-year-old the other day, Il wish you
wouldn't leave me to take care OF
baby again. He was SO bad that had
to eat all the sponge cake and two jars
Of raspberry jam to amuse him.
Some mere chees, please, said small
boy of s to his papa at dinner. mo my
child was the reply of the prudent parent ;
you have already had enough. When 1
was child 1 had to eat my bread and
smell my cheese Well,' said sonny,
please give me piess to SMELL
a Western minister told the trustees
OF his church that he must have bis mon
ey, as his family was suffering. "Money !"
said one of the trustees, ''you preached
for the good Of souls" The minister re-
piled, II can't eat souls, and if I could,
1t would take q thousand such as yours
to make meal.'
"Captain,' said a cheeky youth, lis
there any danger of disturbing the mag
netic currents If l examine the compass
too closely" And the stern mariner, low
ing his little joke, promptly responded,
mo, sir; brass has no effect whatever on
them!'
A chaplain in Arkansas says that
man buying furs was conversing with q
woman at whose house he called, aud
asked if there were any Presbyter1ans
around there. She hesitated minute,
and then said she guessed not, cher hus-
band hadn't killed any since they lived
therel"
It is queer how folks dream. The 9TH
er night man dreamed that he stood at
the gate of heaven, and asked st. Peter
if the souls of rich people ever got in
there. ''Yes,' was the reply, lit is sup
posed that the souls Of great many rich
people have got in here. Many of them
are so small we have not been able to in
vent any way to keep them out"
When city man comes limping into
his place of business late in the morning,
and presents the general appearance Of
having had his spinal column shattered
by railway accident, his friends need
not be alarmed; he moved into the su-
burbs on the first of April, and has been
taking his first lesson IN gardening.
A man can always write better than he
can speak. This is q rule of universal
application. Even when gentleman
stands on the bank of stream, he gets
no fish by speaking, though he be never
so eloquent; but, on the other hand, If
he just drops a line to the finny
tribe they would respond with great
alacrity.
what is the matter, Alfredo What do
you find go interesting in the river that
you gaze at it go fixeoly9' My wife is in
bathing, and took dive from that boat
out there, and she has been under such a
time that I ana getting uneasy How
long has she been unders' About two
hours-it wasn't quite three o'clock when
she went in
This year Is leap year, and we exhort
young ladies to assert their rights and
claim their privileges early and often.
When the boys call tell them if they
mean business you are ready to take their
future happiness into consideration; but
if they don't you've other fish to fry, and
you cannot afford to waste gas and fuel
for the sake Of SIMPLY being spoony.
Where one actor rises in the world ten
60 down to obscurity, poor and Union
ored. Look at George Wren, of the once
popular Wren family. A few years ago
he was promising, clever actor. He
fell. of course, and to-day is q member
of the New York General Assembly at
Albany, making speeches with other
members who have been sent there to
serve out terms.
Found on the coast of Bretagne, bot
tie containing the following document:
"For thirty Height days l have foated
on the bosom of the mighty deep. Ny
health, thank God, is good, as we'll as
that of my children. Ny animals, how
ever, make q tremendous racket. The
fox tries to eat the hare, the wolves snap
at the goats, and the lion looks at me
with an expression not at all reassurlng
I. have commenced to feel uneasy. Yes
terday I despatched the raven for news.
The william has not returned. The lion
hicks his chops with his eyes fixed upon
me. What can be the end of it all2 II
I am eaten who will find this docnmenta
Noah.''
As some lady visitors were going
through penitentiary under the escort
of superintendent, they came to room
in which three women were sewing,
Dear mer one of the visitors whispered,
'what vicious looking creaturesl Pray,
what are they here fort'' because they
have no other home; this is our sitting
room, and they are my wife and two
daughters" blandly answered the super
intendent.
4 rn.>n-orh - H. s..A.. w, ~