The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-06-24
SUNBEAMS.

The road to matrlmony is bridal path.
Society is the hardest baked on its upper
crust
When you rent a tavern does it not become
an inn let?
Brevity is the sole of it-A Chinese maid
ems shoe.
Did you ever see pretty girl with q neat
waist basque it?
f. A long fare well-The drop-box in the
bob-rail cars.
When the wind is favorable, ships are for
sail ON easy terms.
When dogs die, do they go to the hap
by land of canine ,"
Isn't it queer that contractors should be
engaged to widen streets?
How can building that is going straight
up from its foundation be pushed rapidly
forward?
"You're man after my own heart, as
the blushing maiden confessed when her
lover proposed marriage see.eg
81 die content" said the fly to the bakers
dough; somebody will take me- for cur
rant. ."-Boston Transcript. ..,l -
The marble-mason accidentally let chisel
fall ON his wifes foot, and she bitterly COM
planned because stone-cutter shoe.
"Spicer," who knows the difference be-
tween a canal lock and burglar proof COM
bination, insists on calling bell rope q
ton-line.' A"
In the stomach of Pennsylvania cow,
recently killed, were found seventeen
wrought-iron nails. She had cow-hide out
side and oxide inside. tntt
Visitor in st. Petersburg-'' What is the
name of this river?" Guide-"TLe Neva. J"
"What, Neva?" Guide" Well" Here
the wires broke down. iiA -'4
ga man who'll maliciously set fire to
barn." said MIR. Slow, g and burn up twenty
cows, ought to be kicked to death by jack
ass, and I'd like 10 do it." slss
A large society of married men is organ
lied against high-heeled shoes for women.
Husbands think that high heels have ten
dency to keep their wives backs up.
A Pennsylvania clergyman seeing young
man standing in the doorway of the church
and looking hesitatingly about, paused in
the midst of his sermon and exclaimed, ''Go
out young man, She is not here!"
"Zephaniah," said his wife, with chill
ing severity, 81 saw you coming out of q
saloon this afternoon" "Well, my dear,
replied the heartless man, syou wouldn't
have your husband staying in q saloon all
day, would you ,"
Sc Rovlr al s1oI
depositors' checks, but there's no profit to be
gained. 2. When the ship sails you can also
see the cargo. 3. How well the ifishman
knows his trade his shad SO fine in rows are
laid, for all who to the fishman go to buy a
shad will take the roe.
1t was at the opera house. The perform
ance was about to begin, when one of the
two strangers looked all around and said
s.Bil, where is the dress circle?" Bill glanced
up toward the third gallery and replied, '' !
reckon it is up yonder. see fellow taking
OF his coat. at."-GGlocstOn NeacS. '
New Orleans men want all that belong to
them. dentist in that city offered re-
ward of set false teeth to man who
would guess certain riddle, and the fellow
were perfectly good, yanked out so that he
could have the false teeth put in.
A gentleman in New Orleans was agree.
ably surprised to find plump turkey served
up for the dinner, and inquired of his servan,
how it was obtained. ''Why, SIR" replied
Sambo 90 dat turkey has been roosting on
our fence for free nights. So dis morning ]
seized him for the rent of de fence.".
Really, my DEAR" said poor Mr. Jones
to his better half, you have sadly disap-
pointed me. I once considered you jewel
of woman, but you've turned out only bi,
of matrimonial paste u :. Then, my love. y
was the reply, a. console yourself with the
idea that paste is very adhesive, and will
stick to you as long as you i've"
big six-footer was lifting for all he was
worth on n wagon wheel, which was stuck.
when little two-foot mite of humanity
nearly as broad as he was long, and just out
of long dresses and into pants, with hi.
hands in his pockets and a staggering air.
sang out: Mister, do you want me to hell
you? can grunt while you lift"
Young lady of the house to languid swell
- May present you to Miss Terrapyn. OF
Philadelphia ?" Languid swell with sigl
:" Oh, yes. Trot her out" Young lady
Miss Terrapyn (after regarding him 70,
some moments), quietly Yes. Trot him
back" Languid swell retires. st-t
A minister was seated in his study one day,
hard at work on his sermon, when his little
boy entered and held up his finger, which Ii,
had Just cut with his new jackknife. :'Oh,
don't bother me-" said his father. DOM
you see 1 am busy The youngster walked
to the door, and looking back, said, Il dom,
think it would have hurt you TO say s. Oh! .
-Gosde,ss Days.
After n telegraph pole had fallen on a Sa-
vannah negro's head, he threw up his hands
and shouted: ''Don't hit me again wild ven
club, Mr.. Policeman. 1t wasn't me that
stole der chickens. 1t was Deacon Henry "
Then he looked, saw what hit him, and
walked of, saying Golly, Pse In luck dis
mornin. I,'spected dat de policeman had
me shuah dat time.''
Is When I was once in danger from a
tiger" said an old East Indian veteran, g
tried sitting down and staring at him, as
had no weapon" "How did it work ? p"
asked bystander. "Perfectly the tiger
didn't even offer to touch me-" f' Strange
very strange! How do you account for it?'
" Well, sometimes I've thought that it was
because sat down on high branch of a
very tall tree"
s''Twas very unfortunate" said he, "but
lust as was turning the corner, I met her
SO suddenly that was very much abashed,
and in lifting my hat the breeze took it and
it rolled edgewise across the street." 'Must
have been very much chagrined," sug-
gested his friend. "Very much sh'grinned?
should say SO. Not only did she grin, but
she threw back her head, showed all her
pretty teeth, and laughed the most tauta-
lizing laugh ever heard. I didn't feel ike
Joining in at oil. ~ WeaUer.