davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23

again me, in which yersef is de scientific plain
ter, an in what is de scientific fendent?"
YES, WILL jedge, dis man neber hit me,
an hereby widdraws de mistake"
dat was 'zackly right" SAID Simms, as the
two men went down together. "Ef all de men
of science would hang tcrgedder dis way, dar
wouldn't be halt de trouble an oneaslness in
Ia porl
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
BUDGET OF FUN.
AN UNPOETICAL MAID.

No, she does not live on dew,
And her brow's not lily white,
And her hair is not the hue
OF the suns eyc.dimming light.
No, her teeth are not like pearl,
And her mouth is not a rose
She is just the kind Of girl
Nature generally grows.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23

The Wisconsin Central train men report
that bear and deer are very plenty this fall all
along the line of the road from Waupaca north
to Ashland. Hardly train runs up the line
that the men do not report seeing from two to
five bears Good route for hunters TO take,
evidently -Railrdy AQe
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23

From the Chicago Tribune.
Come into the stable, Maud,
You've beaten two.eleven;
Come into the stable, Maud,
I'm in the seventh heaven.
W II. FanderbW.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
HIGH SCHOOL,


Common School and District School Books of
all kinds are for sale by me at the lowest pos
sible prices. l have all the Books used and
cover all Books free Of charge. Also Paper,
plies. l always keep a good ST. OK Of Albums,
Bibles, Autograph Albums. Blank Books. Pa
per of all kinds, Envelopes and a general Book
stock. have the best and most complete stock Of
Pure Drugs and Medicines
Toilet and Fancy Articles
Colognes, Perfumes, Paints,
Oils, Glass, Lamps and Lamp
Goods, Brushes of all kinds
and all things found in first class Drug Stores.
My Prescription Department is the most COM
plcte and my Clerks more competent than any
in Ottawa De not forget my Pure Baking
Powder. Remember l have the Pure Princi-
pc Cigar. the best sc cigar on the globe. My
prices are below all others. Call and be con-
WINGED.
Es. g. GFIGG5.
Otawa.Il, SepHh 1850
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
a Pretty steep story.

A party of men were talking about heavy
railroad grades, when one said: II know of a
grade so steep that the train gets such start
in going down that it is not necessary to use
steam for two hundred miles"
How about stopping at the stations: ?" asked
one OF the party.
"Oh, they just stop the train, and when they
set ready to start again they turn loose the
brakes, and she whizzes on"
THAT was very light grade compared to
the one | went over once" said man whose
word is a long ways below par.
How steep was itg"
why, II was SO steep that you'd have to
use step-ladder to 90 up 10 the front end OF
the car"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23

They had not been married long, so they
sat down to play checkers" In the middle
of the game she said
Then do jump these two men and get a
king? OF course do Crown me. I've got
the first king" and she chuckled Historically.
mo you amt either. | don't mean that
move" said he. "If you can't play checkers
without cackllng like a hen you'd better give
1t up. I'll take that back and move here
now So Now you can move"
"Over here" asked the wife
Certainly, That's very good" and her hus-
band gobbed two men.
81 DIDN'T see that. I'd rather put Il here
she demonstrated.
Too late no".." said he, pegGir away for
the king row. "You should study .Hf lloyes
FIRST"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
INSURANCE,
Steamship Agent,
NOTARY PUBLIC.

Iowa Lan,lr, at from So 10 IS O per
Iowa Farms, at nom s. ~ to s. 3 per acre. on
ten years tIle per cent. Interest.
Nebraska Lands, at from $3.50 10 $500
per acre.
Kansas Lands at from 8 g TO q 3 per acre. and
FARMS in Nebraska and Kansas at nom n ~ els per
Texas I4ands. near TO market, at from - TO 8 3
per acre. Western Texas lands at 900 per acre.
Illinois Farms, at from & l 3 10 800 per acre
City Lots, at from s. l 90 10 $500.
Dwellings, at from 800 10 $4,000.
Business Property at lowest rates.
~ Remember that the hard times rapidly psssiDg
away business general Ia improving real estate has ad
vanCed materially In the larger ctes and certain TO adj
here Buy while prices are at bottom ngures
Insurance written current rates In the berry best
com pnnes American or fDreign-nre life accident
rinc There better companies In this or any other
country than those represented By me-
Ocean SteaInsnip Tickets Al lowest raer and
by the best lines.
Maps papers and information free. fOH
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-10-23
An Admiration.

From the Rlmirs Telegram.
want to be minister,
And with them take my stand:
Then in the heated summer months
I'd roam all DER this land.
I'd like to travel for half fare
The ministers all do;
I'd like to lay Off for three months
And draw my salary, too.
would we, but We can't.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

! The savings banks system IN France con.
trasS favorably with that OF all other civilized
countries in one most important particular
and that is its understandable sOlvCnCv. Since
the establishment Of the first savings bank in
France on the Doth day of July 1918 period
of upwards of slXty.One years, there has not
occurred a single instance ri the bankruptcy
of one of these important institutions. 1t may
he further added that not only has there been
a complete absence Of Insolvency, but there has
not occurred a single instance Of grave mis-
management. NJ. Maurice Block, the well
known economist, in a most useful work on
French administration, says, writing on the
subject of savings banks: There is no eX.
ample OF the withdrawal of government au.
thOriZatiOn from any savings bank, pro
nounced as punishment for faulty manage
ment" When the distress and heart-burnlng
which the failure of savings banks produced
in the United States and Great Britain is con
sidercd, 1t becomes an interesting subject OF
inquiry how it has happened that the French
savings bank system has avoided the rock on
which the savings banks of other countries
have Sci often been shipwrecked. We there
tore propose first, to give an outline of the
| French savings bank system, and secondly
to show what portion of it could be safely i'm.
ported into our own system, without destroy.
| ing the character of individual initiative, upon
which our Institutions are all more or less
founded. In France, the initiative steps in the
| founding Of savings banks must proceed from
a municipal council The municipal council
submit their project to the Project of the De
partmcnt, who refers il to the Minister of Com
merce, and thence to the Council Of State, by
which body the project i examined, first in
the section 10 which it belongs, and then by
the general meeting of the Council. Finally
the project is authorized by the President oI
the Republic, and the proposed savings bank
has commenced It's Official life. The mayor
of the district and certain portion of mum
/ cipal cOucillors must by virtue of their Office
belong to the savings bank committee OF
management, and the other members are chosen
fror among the inhabitants of the municipal
/ itv. More of the members of the committe,
OF management are permitted To receive any
remunel alton for their services. The mana
ge'S and cashiers are appointed by the mum
cIpal council, and these officers are bound u
deposit caution money IN the government
institution, called the CaisSe de Depots and
Colsignations. This caution money is fixed
at 20,0OOfr, and 40000fr., for the department:
and must be a bona fde deposit in money. The
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
That Ere Chap Named Tennyson.

I'm kinder lOokn' around for a book oil
poetry to give my daughter on Christmas" cN
planned an odish looking man the other day
as clerk in Woodward avenue bookstore
came forward to wait on him.
"Yes, sir. Have you any choice of poets ~
"Wa-al, | s'pose they're all of the same
piece" replied the old man as he scanned the
shelves. II don't know much about EN- but
the gal she seems to think heap of that 'crc
chap named Tennymoon"
"TennysOn, you mean"
"Wa-al, | guess so. haint no hand to re
member names. Do you know anything abou,
this ere Tennyson?"
"Why, he's one of the leading poets"
Married man.
"Yes."
Move around IN purity good society, does
he? Ever hear he wasn't exactly straight
"Why, Mr.. Tennvson Is supposed to be a
!. gentleman" said the astonished clerk, though
course, don't know anything about his
private life"
"Does he use any slang words in his vers
esq"
"Of course not
Anything about girls elopin' away from
home with pirates or robbers"
Not a word"
'The reason I'm a lcetle perticker," said
the old man. us because my gal Is rather on
the romance She's just dying to slope of
with some pirate or be lugged off by some
lniun.kller, and if that ere Tennyson Is on
the slope don't want his verses"
"Oh, you can be sure that his poems are all
right. They contain nothing but the purcst
sentiment
"Nother thing Is, one of the girls in our
neighborhOOd sent off after some ones poems,
and that ere pamphlet come nigh working a
heap of evil. There was song in it about a
boy with a glass eye, and another about FIRTH
with Teller on the corner and can't tell you
what 'Twasn't week atore our Sarah begun
TO saw she'd like to collar a beau and askin'
her mother not to give her away and all such
slang as that. kept her churnin' butter from
SIX in the morning TIL twelve at night, and
guess 1t reformed her, but don't want to set
her gon' aginn
Il assure you that Tennyson,s poems are all
right" SAID the clerk
If there's a single crooked word in it
wont have it for haint goin' TO have Sarah
slidin' down from her chamber wlnder at mid
night to meet no brlgand, and If she ever tells
me agin that I'm Kicker I'll box her ears
even If she Is going on twentythree!"-De
tr0it Free Press.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
lbc several gross Of POCKET KNIVES which,

have nice line of Pearl Card Cases Chldrens Cups
and Saucer Glass Bottles Pocket Cigar Cases, Ladies
Pocket Books Mems Pocket Books, Boys Pocket BOOKS
Magic Lanterns Coored Cups and Saucors Shaving Mugs
Bottles for Covering Cigar Sets Toilet Sets Jewel Boxes
Motto Frames, Perfumes Vases, Box Papers, Writing
Desks Dressing Cases. Card Stands CooGncs, MouSache
Cups Chdrcns Dishes, Glass Ink Stands, Ladies' WORK
Boxes, Gold Pens and Holders, Gold Tooth Picks GOA
Glove Butoncrs. Gold Pencils Fine Lamps, suitable for
Presents Face and Satchet Powders Hair OILS. srArUA'
EY-Thc noted pieces, by Jngo," Can you Talk, ana
ouer nice pieces Velvet Frames card size Velvet Frames
cabinet size BEST oc GIG AR in the County.
I MAKE STRICTLY PURE BAKING POWDER-Sc per
pound three pounds fer 81 Warranted pure, strong and
wholesome. CIIRONIOS, ALL VERY CHEAP
Never Before has such stock of Chromes come 10 ottawa
Chromos in ~, in Gilt Frames Chromos in New Style
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

"IIonesty is the best policy" Country
practitioner Surprised at the visit of a notori-
Gus quack and pill.vendcr-"Well, what brings
you here?" Quack evidently suffering f. a
disturbed peristatic actlon)-"Wcll, sir, + 4
fact is | feel rather queer and" Country
practiloner-"Thcn why don't you take one
of your Pearls of IIealth'?" That's just it,
sir think I've swallowed one-by mistake"
Punch.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
ARgai.

OTICF..-EsTATR OF JONI CARLIS, DECEAsEp-
y hcrchy given that the undersigned ENccutrtX
last will and testament Of John Carn. late Of the
county of Ia Sale and OF Illinois deceased viii appear
the County Court Of said county on the third Monday
being the sh dav1 of March $3.50 ~ the County Court
House In Ottawa In said county when and where all per.
sons having claims demands against said estate are nuii-
fed attend and present the IN writing fer adjust
mcuf
Dated this sth day Of January = l,sl.
CHRISTINE CAELIN.
faulu-,W tNp,UtrlG.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

ARGUMENTATIvE.-A clergyman, in speak
ing Of one Of his Pensioners who was so
given to argument that it was difficult to con
verse with him on any subject, sald brother
- Is SO argumentatlvc that he will dispute
with Il guide-post about the distance to the
next town, and argue with a tombstone as
to the truth of its epitaph."
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

81 say, ma" exclaimed little mink OF 13
"do you know what the pyroechnc remedy
is for crying lntant!" Gracious goodness
me- No never heard of such thing
well, ma, it's rocket"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

Frames Chromos in Walnut Frames. :E--Comc and see
my Stock of Chromos whether you buy net II.
PANEL AND OTHER PICTURES, silk Transfers,
Scrap Book Pictures. Before You buy Autograph Al
bum see my stock and prices Photograph AbumsI have
case feet high and 70 feet long nearly full them Oc
SOAP FOR Sc; TEN CENT BOX OF BLACKING, &c;
Large lOc Soap, 4 for sc. Children's and Youths
Books. Paper Covered Books. Board Covered Picture
and story Books Cloth Bound Picture and Story Books.
Chatter Box Books all prices cents to also. LARGE
STOCK OF FAMILY BIBLES. Perforated Board all VA
rctles, lowest prices a large lot of BLANK BOOKS,
direct from manufacturer from 10 to IS per qure
Old Of Blank Books cent below cost to close out
THESE GOODS HnyS be fPM h2y fRlcE AI
have an immense stock and will sell them all very close.
Please give me a call and guarantee it will payysu
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

Loglcal-Iis honor-"Prlsener you say you
are homeless ?" Prisoner-"Ies, your honor"
His Honor--"Have you no means of existence
whatever?' Prlsoner-"No, your honor
HIS honor (atter Il pause)-"The Court con
demns You to pay u fine of So
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

A certain combination was playing Tine
Merchant of Venice" IN small town in lndi.
ana recently. The hotel clerk, who witnessed
the play, said to the tragedlan upon his re-
turn to the hotel: That's an immense play
Did you write 1t? 2"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
BUDGET OF FUN.

A New York paper asks: as the yellow
fever necessity" Guess 1t must be. You
can bet your sweet life it isn't luxury
Burlington Hdnkeye,
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

Visitor in ST. Petersburg What is the
name of this rivcrF'
Guide--"The Ncva"
Nisitor-"What Neva?'
Guide-"Well, ~ here the wires broke
down.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

MOTTO Is.-EsTATE or { ATHAEISE MDCNLEB. DECD.
y Notice j. hereby given that Tho uudrr- cucd. Admins.
traitor OF the estate uf Catharus McCseh late Of the puniy
81 Ia Sale and stat" Of Illinois deceased. viii appear before
the County Court Of aid county the 81 Monday being
the sixteenth day u February o the County Cour,
House ottawa iU sid county. when aEd where All p
having claims demands against said estate are mott
fed 10 attend AID present the same 10 writing Tor ADJUST
nSUf.
Dated this Cd day Of January =. =. $50. 1900,
GILBERT h. MCCALEB,
jan3-Sw Administrator.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
CHASE FOWLER,

.itfDrUeL Mt IVT
I'm y l. Sf.1'TI .MFN,I NOTICE.
TATE OF DANIEL u. PRICE, DFrEAsEu,-Nutcc j.
hereby given 20 a pcruns Interested IN said estate that
the undersigned Administrator Of the estate of said Dan
81 u. Price. deceased Will appear before the County
Court the county OF - Sale ard state % Illinois. at g
County Court House ottawa H said county. Monday
the sixteenth day 81 February A. $50 rr the purpose
II rendering account uf his proceedings u the admins
tratipn Of said estate 'ur the final settlement
Dated al Ottawa this -th day OF January 81
JOHN SNYDER,
ATTEST. T. y. STOrESLFGFH. Administrator
Clerk Cpugtv Court. II SALE Co. III. jtniu.3T
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17
4 Seller Sold.

Alphonse Kari, in his "Livre de Bord, tells
nice little story of Auguste Romieu, we'll
known writer on lie Figaro, whose practical
jokes made him famous all over Paris One
night Romieu, having dressed himself for his
part in a provincial costume entered awk-
wardly q watchmaker's shop and, with tlmid
bow and an apology for disturbing the trades
man, began: pardon, monsieur, but what
are those little round things hanging up
there"
"Those are called watches"
"Watches! What are they for?'
"To tell the time of day"
why, they must be real handy. Do they
cost much!'
From two hundred francs down to twenty
five"
'Bless me, could afford to buy one. Docs
it take much trouble to make them go?'
NO all you have to do is to wind them up
every day-thls way"
"That seems very easy-but when should |
wind the watch-I think that is what you call
it-up'"
an the morning"
"ln the morning-why?
Because you are always drunk at night, NJ,
Romieu, and you'd break it if you tried to
wind it them"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

An English officer exchanged into another
regiment, bringing with HIM the reputation of
beng marvelously successful at a bet "Ah,
said his new Colonel, "he won't get any sue.
cess out of me, I'll warrant" and he wrote to
the fellows former Colonel, an old friend
I'VE like him very much" Glad you do, old
boy; keep him; we found him too expensive
luxury" was the reply. One day at mess
the Colonel good humoredly said: Il hear
that you profess always to win bet" 'Wcll,
Sir I'm pretty successful that way" II don't
think YOU would succeed with me-" May |
try?" asked the subatern. by all means"
"Well, then, III bet you that your old wound
in your back has broken out atresh." What
in the world do you mean? Ola wound III my
back? Do you think | ever turned my back
NON the enemy then ?" and the gallant Colonel
kfew warm; 81 never had a wound in my
back in my life. jones'" to the cornet, clock
the door. I'll prove tito your own eyes" The
other protested that the Colonels simple word
was more than enough; but no, the latter was
excited and stripped. ave lost, sir, and
Brown handed over the e10 note. A few days
later came note from the Colonel of the other
regiment: Brown has again won a pot Of
money out of our fellows. He bet heavily
that before he'd been with you month he'd
make you take your shirt off in the mess room
after dinner, and now writes that he succeed
ed" That Colonel "cussed."
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1880-01-17

On motion of AID Hull adjourned.
ARTHUR BARTELs, city Clerk
Mexico weekly ledger., 1880-04-15
Audrain Circuit Court, April 5, 1880.
r. Leshn, Joseph NJ. Valentine and
S. Gutman, plaintiffs,
VS..
Alexander Young, defendant.

NOW at this day comes plaintiffs
~ herein by their attorneys and file
their petition, verified by affidavit,
alleging, among other things. that
said defendant is a nonresident Of
the State of Missouri. You said non-
resident defendant, Alexander Young
IS, therefore, hereby nototied of the
ming of said petition, the object and
general nature of which, amongst
otner things. is to obtain a decree of
this court vesting in these plaintiffs
the legal title in fee to the following
described lands situate in Audrain
county, State of Missouri, to-wit:
The north half of the southeast
quarter, section (26) twenty-siX,
township (51) fifty-one, range (7) sew
en-, and unless YOU be and appear at
the next regular term of this court TO
be begun and held at the court house
in the city of Mexico, on the LIST Mon
day in June next, and ON or be-
fore the 9th day thereof, and plead TO
said petition, the same will be taken
as confessed and Judgement rendered
accordingly. 1t is futher ordered
that n copy hereof be published ac-
cording TO law in the Mexico Weekly
LEDGER, a newspaper printed anu
published in the city of Mexico. A
true copy.
Witness my hand as clerk and seal
s......* o! said court, in the city of
SEAL Mexico, this 3rd day of
xx April. A. D.. 1880.
51-4t. JAMES CARROLL. Clerk.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1880-04-15

Beware of liquor! Fifty deaths ! died
Losing in turn hope, energy and pride,
The sense OF shame, strength. Will. all human
feeling.
Ere mind and body wounded past all healing,
l reached that goal of agony and sll-
A drunkard's g~rave-and blindly staggered in.
Last evening, at Z p. H., we heard
a sharp pistol report just south Of
the Rlngo House. and on reaching
the spot we found that Charlie Clark,
son of Congressman Clark, of tie
NJ Missouri District, had shot him
self with a "a caIibre pistol. Clark,
when found, was leaning up against
the rear Of ''Jack's' barberslop. 1t
was evident he had aimed at his
heart, but, being drunk, he had
missed his aim, the ball going around
out side of the heart. The wound
was bleeding profuseiy. He said he
was out of money, ont of friends and
m~iserably drunk. He tried to shoot
himself again, but Dr.. Lee took the
pistol from him. Clark said if the
pistol had only been 81 calibre he
would be where he wanted to be.
He came in On the noon train from
Farber and was cut Of money, and
whiskey seemed to have crazed him.
VIZ could tell from the looks of his
complexion that he had been on q
terrible drunk, and seemed to be ter.
ribly in earnest, wanting to try il
again. He was taken to the Com
mcrcial Hotel where he will be kind.
ly cared for until his friends can bt
notified.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1880-04-15
VS..
B. b. Parsons, defendant.

NOW at this day comes plaintiff by
his attorney and files his petition
verified by affidavit alleging. among
other things, that said defendant. B.
Il. Parsons, is a nonresident of the
State of Missouri. You said non-res-
ident defendant are, therefore, hereby
notified of the filing of said petition,
the object and general nature of which
is to enforce a lien against the follow
ing described real estate situale in
Audrain county. State of Missouri,
to-wit: Eighty {80) acres. west half
southeast quarter, section (31) thirty
one, township (51) flfty-one, range 90
five. for the years 1872, 1873, 1874,
1877, 1878, amounting to S~67.14-100,
and unless you be and appear at the
next regular term ofthis court to be
begun and held at the court house in
the city of Mexico, on the 1st Monday
of June next, and plead to said petit
ton, the same will be taken as cop-
tcssed and judgement rendered ac-
cordingiy. 1t is further ordered that
a copy hereof be published according
to law in the Mexico Weekly LEDGER,
a newspaper printed and published
in the city of Mexico. A rue copy.
Witness my hand as clerk and seal
*......~ ofsaid court affixed at Office
SEAL in Mexico this 9th day of
x April, A. ID. 1880.
51-it. JAMES CARROLL. Clerk.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1880-04-15
MULDROW AND EavrrEyr,u,
Their Last Day ON Earth.


' o"a 'he tatheic Church To-Day.
Ailthe arrangements for the exc
cutlon OF the two negroes, Muldrow
ana faucett, are now completed. and
the sheriff, with the doomed men. will
leave the Jail st exactly / O'Clock. in
an open wagon, followed by the
guards, who are the same that served
at the Kilgore execution. Deputy
Sheriff Hooton and ex-Sheriff John 7
Steele will assist Sheriff Glascock.
each OF these gentlemen adjusting a
rope while the Sheriff springs the
fatal trap. The Sheriff informs us
thus morning That the gallows will be
erected neal the spot where Kilgore
vas hanged, Being somewhat nearer
the North Missouri bridge. Mr..
Baldwin, the carpenter, is now MAX
ing the trap door in the engine of
death large enough to accommodate
two, and the ropes have been pro.
cured and stretched. A vast throne
OF people will no doubt witness the
execution, as there is but little SYM
pathy felt for the doomed darkeys.