Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1880-11-04
THE QUAKER DETECTIVE.

| ladies on the back seat, and a middle
aged gentleman and Quaker and my
| self on the front
The two ladies might have beer
mother and daughter, aunt and neiCe
gOvcrness and charge, or might have
sustained another relationship which
makes it proper for two ladies to trave
| together unattended.
The middle aged gentleman wa>
sprightly and talkatiyc. He soon struck
up an acquaintance with the ladies, to
ward whom in his zeal to do he rather
overdid the agreeable-bowing anC
smiling and chatting over his shoulder
in a way painfully suggestive at his
time of life, CT a "crick" in the neck
He was evidently a gay Lothorio.
The Quaker wore the uniform of hi
sect, and confined speech, as many 3
pariianIentarian would save his credit
by doing, to simply ''yeas" and mays
As for myself, | make it an invariable
rule Ofthe road to be merely Il locker
on, and listen.
Toward evening | was aroused from
one Of those reveries into which q
young man, without being poet or q
lover, will sometimes fall, by an abrupt
query from the talkative gentleman:
Are you armed sir?"
Il am not" | answered, astonished,
no doubt visibly, by the question.
Il am sorry to hear it" he replied
for before reaching our next stopping
place, it will be several hours in the
night, and we must pass over a portion
of the road on which more than one
robbery is reported to have boon COM
mitted"
The ladies turned pale, but the
stranger did his best to reassure them.
Not that think there is the slight
est danger at present he resumed, ION
ly when one is responsible for the safe
ty of the ladies, you know such thing
as Il pistol in reach would materially
add to ones confidence"
"Iour principles, my friend" adj
dressing the Quaker. II presume are as
much opposed to carrying as to using
caTnal weapOns?"
'G es" was the response.
Have the Williams murdered any of
their victims"
cor have they contented themselves
Notwithstanding them?" added
the younger, in a timOrOus voice
''Decidedly the latter" the aimiable
gentleman FASTENED to give assurance;
and we are none Of us prepared to
offer resistance in case of attack, so
nothing worse than robbery can posi-
bly, befall us.
Then after blaming his thoughtless-
ness in having unconsciously introduce
ed a disagreeable subject, the gentle
man quite excelled himself in efforts to
raise the spirsts of the company, and
had succeed so we'll by the time night
had set in that all had quite forgotten,
or remembered their fears to laugh at
them.
Our genial companion fairly talked
himself hoarse, perceiving which he
took from his pocket Il box of newly
invented cough candy and, after pass
ing it to the ladies, he helped himself
to the balance and tossed the paper
out of the window
He was in the midst Of high enOm-
ium on the new nostrum, more than
half the efficacy of which, he insisted
depended upon its being taken by sue
ton, when a shrill whistle was heard
and almost Immediately the coach
stopped, and two faces, hideously
biackened, presented themselves one
q t each window.
Sorry to trouble you, said the man
on the right, acknowledging with a bow
two ladylike screams from the back
seat, ''but business; and ours will soon
be over if things 90 smoothly"
"Of course, gentlemen, YOU vii
spare, as far as may be consistent with
your disagreeablc duty, the feelings O.
these ladies, appealed the polite pas
senger in his blandest manner
ooh! certainly, they shall be first at
tended to, and shall not be required tC
leave their sets, unless their conduct
renders it necessary"
"And now, ladies'" continued the
robber, the barrel of his pistol glisten
ing in the light of the coach lamp
''be so good as to pass your purses
watches and such other trinkets as may
be accessible without too much
trouble"
The ladies came down Handsomely
and were not further molested
One by one the rest got out The
mlddle-aged gentleman came first, he
submitted with Il winning grace, anC
was robbed like very Chesterfield.
My own affairs, like tue sum [ los
are scarcely worth mentioning.
The Quaker's turn came next. He
quietly handed over his pocket-booB
and watch, and when asked if he had
any more valuables said nay.
4 Quaker's word IS good, ever
among thieves, so after hazy "good
night" the robber thrust his pistol into
his pocket and with his two compan
ions, one of whom had held the reins
Of the leaders. was about departing.
Stop" exclaimed the Quaker in 3
tone more of command than of re
quest.
stop! what for?" returned the rob,
Der, in evident surprise.
For at least two good reasons,
was the reply emphasized with q
couple of derringers cooked and pre-
scented.
Help shouted the robber.
stop" the Quaker exclaimed, land
if any of thy sinful companions advance
a step to thy relief, the spirit will surely
move me to blow thy brains out.
The robber was at the opposite win
dow and the one at the leaders heads
thought it a good time to leave.
Now get in, friend" said the Quak
er. still covering his man, take the
middle seat, but first deliver up the pis
toll. The other hesitated.
Thee had better not delay; feel the
spirit begin to move my right fore
flyer.
Tho robber did as he was directed
and the Quaker took his place st his