Daily Republican., 1880-02-13
MY WHEE'S RELATIONS.

"Broiled spring chickens for tel
chr" said And lobster salad and
fried oysters!-Upon my word this looki
as If we were going to have some com
pany.'
$50 we are, my dear said my wife
looking little guilty, as she polished
| up the surface Of the big silver tea tray
with a new chamois leather. They arr
all coming to visit me--Uncle silas, ,and
Aunt Melicsnt, and the children, and
Cousin Joab and the two Miss Wilmer
dings and my Aunt Louisa, to meet The
Rev. Mr.. Sparkwell from Minnesota
who married my cousin, ,Jerusha Wilde.
Mr.. sparkwell is troubled with catarrh
and be thinks Of staying at our house
for few weeks while he is being treat
ed by DR.. Dosem."
L put down my linen duster and
brown parcels with some emphasis.
"Oh, confound the Rev. sparkwell, "
said l.
"John!" calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, l can't help it,"
said I--''Its not human nature to en-
dure everything. And I've been re-
lationed out Of all patience since our
marriage. The Jsnkinses went away
last week, the Birdsalls took an affec-
tionate leave yesterday, and now, just
as was contemplating a peaceful eve
ming by ourselves, here's new swarm
hungrier than the rest, just about to
settle down upon us!-ln my opinion,
Kitty, my dear, relations should be
abolished"
w am surprised at you, JOHN" said
my wife. "My own people, that are so
fond OF me-"
"That's where you are mistaken my
dear said /; "it's your comfortable
spring beds and good cookery that
they are so fond Of, not you.'
"John!''
"I'd be willing to wager good
round sum on the truth OF my asser-
tions, said |.
because you have no relations your
self
"Thapk Providence tor that, said l
devoutly. 81 was reared in a found
ling asylum, and have nobody to thank
bat myself for my tolerable success in
the world
"It's no reason you should find fault
with mine, said Kitty. with her bright
blue eyes full of tears. "And Mr..
sparkwell is such a spiritually y-minded
man, and dear Uncle Silas loves you
jnss as If you were his only son, and
Cousin Joab is so interested fn the chill
dren."
"Im much obliged to 'em," said !,
dryly-"But | slept all last week on
sofa cushions laid in the bath tub; and
we had fourteen people here over the
anniversaries and | was obliged to
give up my own room for a month last
winter to old Mr.. Mansewell, mot to speak
of our being half poisoned with Aunt
Louisa's hygeian messes in the fall.
When the poet said, there's no place
like home,' l presume he meant when
there were no relations visiting him.
I'll tell you what, my dear" with a
sudden inspiration, "l've a great mind
formally to deed over this house to your
relations, II they will agree solemnly
to leave me in peace for the rest Of my
life, wheresoever | may set up my fam
lily tents"
"Nonsense!" said my wife, Do 90
up stairs ana change your things, and
brush your hair and get ready for tea.
They're all waiting in the best parlor,
and was expecting your return to see
about hiring some cot beds from the
village hotel to put up in the attic for
those four little Sparkwell children.
You see Aunt Louisa has the blue bed
room, and Cousin Joab sleeps in the
little wing chamber, and Mr.. and Mrs.
spark will have our room, and
Indeed" said |. I" And we are to
sleep in the barn, suppose.
Don't be cross, John," said my
wife appealingly. "one must be hos
pitable, you know. And | can easily
make up the sofa bed in .he back par
lor for our use for week or two.
said nothing, but ground my teeth
in silent despair, as | sprang up stairs,
two steps at a time, to make what
changes could in my toilet, by the
aid of ten by twelve glass, hung over
the wash stand Of a stuffy little bath
room.
EsThe Rev Mr.. sparkwell was big
man, with still bigger voice, and a
limp, faded little wife, whctss)lt arth-
ly interests seemed conferred in four
white-eyed, frecklpd-faced Children.
Uncle Silas and Aunt Melicsnt were
silent pair, with excellent appetites,
and two tall boys, who gigglsd and
snickered at each other in the inter-
walls Of the conversation.
Cousin Joab talked incessantly with
kis mouth full, and the two Miss VIII
merdings served as general echoes to
the rest; while Aunt Louisa devoured
lobster salad "ad libitum," and kept
on sending up her cup for more green
tea, until trembled for her nerves.
While my wife, careful and troubled
like Martha of old, with many things,
looked ready to drop with the hospita-
bic exertisps she had made, and |, sit
ting mere cipher at the head of my
table, felt as II | we're keeping board
ing house without any Of the pecunisry
emolument therefroms.
my trunks will be up in the six