davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
COnundrums on the Rail,

The fat passenger, who has been
putting and painting ever since we left
Boston, trying to fit himself into a
Wagner chair, has at last sighed him
self into contentment, and remarked:
This New York express reminds me
of our modern American life.'
'Wha' for p asked the cross passenger.
Constant strain, replied the fat pas
senger, in the tone of a satisfied man.
Everybody looked amazed, but no.
body said anything, and presently the
silence became oppressive. The fat
passenger looked uneasily at his audi
ence.
'Oh, no. he said, suddenly, oh, no;
a fast strain, that's it; fast strain, fast
train.
The cross passenger grunted.
The tall, thin passenger said it was
more like the knot in the hangman's 8
rope. We all looked "WhyP' at him,
and he committed himself as follows:
Because it's the last strain
But this isn't the last train, said the
cross passenger; there's two more trains
this afternoon
It's like Leghorn chicken, then,
said the passenger with the sandy
goatee; it's the best strain.
And it's like sun dial,' said the fat
passenger; because it gets through by
daylight
'And it's like cross dog observed
the sad passenger; because it starts at
one.'
Yes said the tall, thin passenger;
'but the train goes after it starts, and
the watch dog doesn't
No. observed the passenger with the
sandy goatee; but the man he starts at
does. - Burdetto.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
The POstmark BETRAYED Her.

A lady wrote to one of the city dailies,
complaining it desecrating the Sabbath
by issuing Sun ay edition, and with
drawing her subscription, as she would
not countenance such wickedness. Her
letter was dated Monday morning. But
the remorseless postofiice had printed
its postmark with unusual legibility,
and the date was Sunday The woman
who was too good to tolerate O Sunday
paper, wished the editor to understand
that she was also too good to write her
note on Sunday, but she had not stop
ped to reflect that, although she might
try to deceive with false date, the
postofIlce wouldn't lie for herl This is
o queer world,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15

The medical men in New Philadel-
phia, Ohio, are much excited at the
condition Of child, about two years
old, in the family OF Joseph Kinsley. In
July last the limbs Of the child began to
harden. Since that time the hardness
has increased, and has spread over its
entire body. The hands are drawn shut,
and its limbs are 80 bent that it has no
use Of them. The head, neck, arms and
legs are now 80 hard that not the slight.
est indentation can be made upon them,
nor could any petrifaction be harder. -
The limbs Of the child seem bloodless,
and are cold as marble. II has some
appetite, and at times tries to talk. A
living petri6ed child is considered q GU.
rioSity without parallel,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
Masculine and Feminine Morality

could never understand the opposite
system OF weights and measures 'ghich
have been established for gauging NOR
atty among men and among women.-
The strictest among us allow that a
young man should SOW his wild oats;
but who ever admitted the same Iieces-
sity in the case of girls? We say that
man should have his amusement--his
clubs, cigars, horse-races, firtations and
liquorings; but suppose our women and
girls came to us reeking Of tobacco9
Supposing they addicted themselves
openly to nips of grog and absinthe
when their spirits we're lowP Supposing
they sat down to quiet rubbers of whist
or ecarte, gambling away their house
hold money just to while off dull hours.
We demand so much excel ence of our
women that the worst of them are still
better than the average man.
have known some women who were
social outcasts, and who, in point of
heart, conduct and general moral recti'
tude, might have furnished stuff for the
making of very upright gentlemen in
deed. They had fallen once, it is true,
but what fearful penalty they had been
made to pay for one slip, while, by COM
parson, the kindred penalties of men
are so slight. If a young man gets mixed
up in some disgraceful ENHANCEMENT,
breaks heart, and throws young girl
upon the streets after having ruined her
life, people say of him, compassionate
ly, by.and.bye: He was SO young when
he did it, and now he has turned over a
new leaf but if an inexperienced girl,
mere child of sixteen or seventeen,
comes to harm through a moments
weakness, born of too much love and
over-contidence in her betrayer, who
ever thinks of pleading her youth as an
excuseP Who ever urges seriously that
a girl has turned over q new leaf2'-
Home Journal.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
BaltimOle,s New Water Works.

The seven-mile tunnel OF Baltimore's
water works has successfully progressed
until it is now opened the entire length
the alignnents proving correct. This
tunnel has been under construction
since April, 1876, and its successful
complexion is regarded as one of the
great engineering achievements OF the
day. 1t runs in perfectly straight line
Tor nearly its whole length, and is
twelve feet in diameter. Five miles of
the tunnel were cut through solid rock,
through the crevices of which springs
OF ice-coId water gush forth in many
places, until their combined volume
forms quite large stream. Two miles
oil the tunnel will be bricked up. Fiji
teen shafts in all were sunk, some of
faem as deep as 300 feet, and an evil
dence of the skillful engineering done
son the work is the fact that all the
headings met on straight line, 30 that
the interior OF the tunnel is even
throughout. Although the tunnel is now
cut clear through, it will not be fully
completed for about nine months, as
much masonry work still remains to be
done. MIR. r. K. Martin, chief engineer
oil the new water works, says he does not
yet know the cost of the tunnel, but it
will probably not fall below 81, 800 900.
When completed they will be the most
complete and largest water works in this
country, and the visitor along the line
can not but be impressed with their
magnitude.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
A Students Unsuccessful Trick.

One day, when Professor Silliman, of
Yale college, had given notice to a class
of students that he would experiment
with laughing gas in the college labora.
tory, a senior privately informed his
comrades that he knew the effect of the
gas exactly. No fellow while under it's
influence was responsible for what he
did or said, aud he should like the op-
portunity to inhale the gas and speak
his mind freely, and Professor Silliman
heard of this. When the class men were
assembled, he administered the anes
thetic to the student out of a leather
bag. The effect was terrible. The
young man swore dreadfulIy at good
Professor Silliman, and called him oil
sorts Of hard names, and was going on
at fearful rate, when the professor
told him he need not be quite 30 ire
sponsible, for up to that time there had
nothing gone into the leather bag e1-
cept common air. The young fellow
felt pretty cheap until after the class
got through shouting at him.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
One Of Memphis, Pest Breeders.

Until the era Of wooden pavements
Memphis was healthy city. The enor-
nous filth accumulation of years in the
vaults has, however, become the great
est disease. breeding factor. While the
vaults are going through the process of
extinguishment, the wooden pavements,
the next nuisance in rank, must not be
forgotten. The wooden pavement is
doomed to destruction. Another sum.
mer's sun will never shine down on that
mass of eath.dealing rotten wood. -
There must be no ifs or 'buts.' Better
to be without any pavements than to
longer tolerate wooden pavement in this
Southern climate, and now, like doc
tors mistakes, it should be put out Of
sight as soon as possible. Memphis,
Tenn, avalanche.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
Lave and Time,

The archer boy went forth one day,
Hesrt.shooting, toward the north, they say,
Though some say south, some east, some we
Few know the points he likes the best;
But very likely twill be found
Love took the wide world in his round;
Whereer be went twas all the same,
Earth was his covert filed with game
Male hearts, most easy 10 be got at,
And females, eager TO be shot at.
or all the days in the year, the day
We speak Of was the fret Of May,
Which all the world declare, with reason,
The opening Of Loves shooting season.
Whe0 every blessed thing OF life
Aud natures heart with Joy is rife
80 there was nothing else to do
But shoot ahead the whole day through,
Aud bag the spoils Of Loves battue.
Returning home from his excursion,
Pleased with his opening days diversion,
Love saw an old man pass the way
Who on his path refused to stay;
Twas Time, who never stops his fight
For gods or men, by day or night;
At him the boy let fly shaft,
The last Of all his quiver left,
Which the old scythe-man deftly parried
With the Well-tempered blade he carried,
Crying out, Sad boy, you do not know
The difference 'twixt friend and foe;
You seem 10 know but naught about me,
How i'll soccer you'd do without me.
Without Times aid too soon you'd find
Love would be hooted by mankind,
Your follies all exposed by reason,
BY truth your fickleness and treason;
And learn, vain fool, that here below
The tears that from your victims flow
Are, as they drop from sorrows cup,
By Time, the comforter, dried upr
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
American AristOcratS,

Twenty years ago this one made can.
dies, that one sold candles and butter,
another butchered, fourth carried on
a distillery, another was contractor on
canals, others were merchants and me-
ohanics. They are acquainted with
both ends of society, and their children
will be after them, though it will not do
to say so out loud. For often you find
these toiling worms hatch butterflies
and they live about a year. Death
brings division of property, and it
brings new fnanciers. The old gent is
discharged, the young gent takes reve.
nues and begins to travel-toward pov-
erty, which he reaches before death, or
his children do if he does not, 80 that,
in fact, though there is q sort of money
ed rank, it is not hereditary; it is acces-
sible to all. The father grubs and
grows rich; his children strut and use
the money. The children in turn in
herit pride and go shiftless to poverty.
Next their children, reinvigorated by
fresh plebian blood and by the smell of
the clod, come up again. Thus society,
like tree, draws its sap from the earth,
changes it into seed and blossoms,
spreads them around in great glory,
sheds them, to fall to the earth again,
to mingle with the soil, and at length to
reappear in new dress and fresh garni-
tura
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
New Method OF Execution Demanded.

DR.. Park Benjamin, of New York, who
is one of the most earnest advocates OF
electricity as a substitute for the hang
mans moose in cases of capital punish
ment, says an apparatus powerful enough
to kill at single shock more men than
were ever executed together on one
scaffold, could be packed away in a
noderate'sized trunk, so arranged that
nothing but the connecting wires and the
discharging bu tton should protrude. A
the time and place fixed for the execu-
ton all the sheriff would have to do
would be to attach the wires to the base
OF the brain, or each side of the spine,
and press the button. The victim would
literally never know what hurt him; for
as it requires one.tenth of second for
the nerves to transmit sensation to
the brain, and electricity travels ten
thousand times faster than human sen.
sation, 1t is clear the man would be dead
before the nerves could register any
pain. Mr.. Benjamin mentions, in con-
frmation of this statement, that the
Stevens institute, at Hoboken, N. j.,
has an electric coil which yields sparks
twenty.one inches long, that will pene.
trate glass blocks three inches thick; and
that one in the possession of the Royal
Polytechnic institute, in London, pro,
du'es lightning flashes twenty nine inch
es in length.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
The Infants of Spain,

A foreign correspondent in Madrid
writes: Children's costume here is
very cheap and cooler than the choco'
late, and very much more classic. The
best people prefer to have the dear lit.
tie ones trot about unenoumbered with
the fashions OF diminutive Partisan Ia
dies and gentlemen. Isuppose natures
dress is loveliness, as Tom Moore says
about Nora Creena's costume; but then
there is such thing as ne Quid minis
A little Of this costume goes q long way,
particularly il the sweet babe is invited
to sit on your knee and play with your
watch chain and wants to see wheels go
wound like the renowned 'Helen's
Babies. An oily nude infant on your
best black pants is rather impressive,
and you come away man Of mark and
remark,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15

DO you understand the nature and
solemnity of an oath2' the Judge Of
Vandalia asked a witness who had come
up from the lower end of the state.
well, yes, the witness replied, after
some study: Ireckon 1 know the natur'
OF an oath, but there never appeared to
be no powerful amount of solemness
about swearin' to me. 1t allus come
kind OF nat'ral like. Nam swore little
when she was riled, dad was a born
cusser, and Parson Bedloe'-- But the
court excused him without further ped.
igree,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15

The annual report Of the state super
intendent of education of South CARROLL
na shows that the total school attend.
once for the year 1S7s-79 was 122. 4o3,
of which So, 1868 were white pupils, aud
64,O95 Oolored, an excess Of 6,727 color
ed pupils,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15
RATES OF ADVERTISING.

Regular rates Of advertising, Sl per square
hrst insertion, aud 50 cents each subsequent
insertion.
Special contracts will be made for All Adyer-
tlsements for four insertions or over
Transient advertisements always payable
quarterly in advance.
Marriages and obituary notices, over ono
square, ohGged for at half regular rates.
All local news 10 cents a line for each in,
sertion.
No notices inserted for less than fifty cents.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1880-01-15

II your wife objects to kissing you
because you smoke, simply remark that
you know some girl that will, That set
ties II,
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-15
4 Clear Memory.

A pious old lady, who was too unwell to
attend meeting, used TO send her thick
headed husband to church to find out the
text the preacher selected as the founda-
ton of his discourse. The poor Ounce was
rarely fortunate enough to remember the
words OF the text, or even the chapter and
verse where thsy could be found; but one
Sabbath he ran home in hot haste, informed
his wife that he could repeat every word,
without missing a syllable. The words were
as follows:
IAN angel came down from heaven and
took live coal from the altar"
.'Know every word,' replied the hus-
band.
81 am anxious to hearit. =" continued tie
WIFE
''They are nice words" observed the
husband.
81 am glad your memory is improving;
but don't keep me in suspense, NV dear, "
said She
Just get your big Bible, and | will say
the words, for | know them by heart. |
said them hundred times on my way
home
"Well, let's hear them
'Ahem," sail he. clearing his throat.
"An Injun came down from New Haven
and took live colt by the tail and jerked
him out of the halter,"
The memory of one-half who attend
church is very similar to the above.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-15
Nothing Like Ducks.

When man is thoroughly interested in
something he is reading very Insignificant
house-hy can sometimes worry him great
deal. The other day one of the officials in
a municipal Office was reading. \ fly
alighted on his check, crawled mp the side
of his nose, and there stood fast and fasJen-
ed its talons IN the tender cuticle. The
olfactOry organ Was slightly elevated 81 as
to break into wrinkles, while at the same
time mild brushing movement of the hand
signaled the Troublesome insect to move
away. 1t just jumped out about foot,
and settled back into its former location in
side of second.
The first clutch with its claws brought
recognition in the shape of very energetic
sparrlng back and forth in front of the Off
cial cCuntenance, but the fly hardly waited
for tine disturbance to subside when he was
again snugly bestowed on the nasal promi
nence. The persistence of the insect had
worn out the patience of the man, and he
broke out fiercely. 'D-the fiies!n
The tiy may or may not have understood
the exclamation, but a quiet Stranger who
had just dropped in did understand it, and
he remarked IN tones of the most irritating
composure: '.l'll tell you what's good for
flies"
"Well, what's good for fiiesl" snapped
out the official.
''Ducksh
'sDucks."
"Yes, ducks. Out TO the Lindell car
stables We keep ducks. The flies worry
the horses mighty bad at this time of the
year, but Car horse can rest easy at the
Llndell stables"
"And how is that ?" asked the official,
becoming interested.
''Why, they just have plenty of ducks,
tell you. Didn't you ever see duck snap
a fly. Whenever the flies get thick on a
horse the ducks gather round and snap
every fly that comes in reach. If horse
lies down the ducks just crawl all over
him. The horses mighty soon find out
who their friends are, and they like to have
the ducks come. In fact, if the flies get
bad the horses will lie down 10 give the
ducks a chance. They are so industrious
that they keep the flies pretty well thinned
out. tell you there's nothing like ducks
for flies
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-15
Where the Loss W as.

A young man who belonged to an excur-
sion party visiting Detroit called at the City
Hall to make complaint to the Chief of PO-
lice that he had been robted of his watch.
"What sort of a watch was IT. inquired
the Chief.
"Well, it was kinder old-fashioned, but
it kept the straightest time you ever saw.
Every clock within foor miles of our house
was run by that watch"
what was it WORTH"
swell, I'd been offered seven dollars for
IT."
''lt isn't such a great loss, thens'
at isn't the money value that hurts me,
though l don't care to lose seven dollars
any more than any other man. You see,
it was the only time-piece We had to run
our prayer-meeting by, and when the
Deacon rose up and asked me what time it
was, the mint / begun to haul out that
ticker every other young man dropped,
his head, and every gal prlcked up her ears
and ached for me to beau her home. 1t
made me solid all along the town-line and
put me ahead at country dances, and I've
got to git 1t back or go home and tell the
folks that / came across blamed fool and
sold it for twenty"
s'And you wouldn't do that?"
81 might YOU know, but the mi nit the
old man wanted to give me his note for
nineteen of it I'd have to own up or shake
his paper, and Dads man who backs his
notes with fist as big as the top Of your
hatl"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-15
Arab Ausurie-.

The Bcdouins take augurles from birds.
A single raven in ones's path is a very bad
token. but two are extremely lucky. They say
Akhdharegn Falan Zein-Two green q, G.,
black ones a fair omen. The Bedouins
have many other superstitions about ami
mails The superstition as to the flesh OF
the rock badger, which Palmer noted in
the Peninsula of Sinai, is unknown here;
but there is similar idea about the mon
keys which frequent Mount Kara. These,
il is said, werc once men who came to visit
the Prophet. lie set before them, milk and
water, directing them to drink the former
and perform their ablutions with the lat
ter. The perverse visitors drank with the
water and washed with the milk, and were
transformed to monkeys for their disobe-
dience. As they were once men, their
flesh is not eaten. The legend is closely
akin to what one reads in the fabulous his
tory of early Arabia about Nasnas and the
Wabar in the great sandy desert. Both
these words are monkey names, quite cur
rent in the present day, though not recog-
nized by the lexicOns. The latter is an
ape, the former a monkey with tail Ex-
cept in this monkey story, l could find no
trace Of the superstitious rejection of the
flesh of any animal. But some kinds OF
fish have magical virtue attached to
them. Aman who suffers in any member
OF his body seeks cure by eating the cor
responding part of a hyena- The hyena
is all eaten in the neighborhOOd OF Suez,
for friend of mine who shot one near the
Wells OF Moses was requested by the Be
douins to give them leg. a similar vir-
the attaches to the flesh of the gemsbok,
(Wudhephy,) rare species of antelope,
found far in the interior. When eaten, ii
draws an obstinate bullet from wound.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1880-09-15
Our Country.

\ recent visitor TO TINS country, from
the old world writes as follows:
Nothing surprised me more than to see
the parks of New York, abutting Broad
way, without a fence S-)und the green
sward. \ million unresting feet passed by
them, and none trampled on the delicate
grass-while, in England, board schools
put prison wall around them, 50 that poor
children cannot see flower gIrl 90 by in
the streets; and the black windows of the
houses-of mechanics in Lambeth remain
blocked up, whereby no inmate can look on
green tree IN the palace grounds. In
Florence, in Northampton, where the
Holyoke mountain looks on the ever wind
ing Connecticut river, as elsewhere, there
are thousands Of mansions to be seen with
out rail around their lawns. Acres of
plantations lie unenclOsed between the
beautiful houses, where a crowd of wan
derers might rest unchallenged, and watch
mountain, river and sky. In England, if
an INDECENT wanderer sat down on house
ground or waysIde, the probability is
policeman would come and look at him
the farmer would come and demand what
he wanted, and the relieving officer would
suggest to him that he had better pass on
to his own parish. Every man in America
fees as though he owns the country, be-
cause the charm of recognized equality and
the golden chances of ownership have en-
tered his mind. He is proud of the stat
ues and the public buildings. The great
rivers, the trackless praIries. the regal
mountains, all seem his. In America there
is no crown, and the people are kings, and
they know it'll had rot landed on theAmeri
can shores an hour before became aware
that was in a new nation, animated by u
| new life whioh had never seen