Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1880-12-23
liows State Revister.l
Fun at q Funeral.


Apropos of the banquet at Aborn House,
IN which both Republicans and Democrats
took active part and gave vent to the feel
ing inspired BY the result OF the late cleo
ton. We copy from the Nonpareil speech
made by Mr. l.. II. Cake. Young Demo-
crat of Page county at Republican jollit-
cation meeting held in Clarinda. The good
humor, genial wit and happy manner of the
speaker warrants its production even at
this late date. After a number of Republic
cans had spoken, Mr.. Cake being observed
in the audience. was called upon, dragged
out and compelled to the following delivery,
which we commend alike for its fun and
philosophy TO the doleful Democracy of Des
Moines:
Fellow Citizens A man usually attends
his own funeral. but it is not expected that
he should talk great deal. knew the
funeral ceremonies would 20 on without me.
so ! concluded TO bring in the body.
laughter But il takes a great deal e
grace to sustain man who has to furnish
the corpse for an occasion like this. Laugh
ter. Nobody but a Democrat could do il.
II is certain that no one but Democrat has
had a chance to do 1t for the last twenty
years. disappointment is the modern Dem
=
condition; they took cut paten, on dis
asier twenty years ago and it has never been
infnnged. The patent run out in 1876 and
they have Just got il renewed. Loud ap-
plause. Looking over the landscape of the
last twenty years behold acres and acres Of
busted hopes. cords and cords of disgruntled
ambitions, barrels and barrels Of una,ailing
tears, oceans and oceans strewn with phan-
y. l.. ~
delusion. disappointment is an anchor 10
the Democratic soul both sure and SteddfaSf.
Continued applause
Leaves have ono time TO fall,
And flowers TO wiihcr At the north wisd's
breath.
And starr To set. but all. o Democrat
Thou hast all time for thine own death.
! might say with Shylock. sufferanoe. yea,
suFey-anoe, Is the badge Of our tribe.
could give YOU $40 reasons for that A law
yer offered a judge sixteen reasons why his
ellen; vas not in court: First, be was dead
The judge told him he might omit the other
fifteen. The first reason Of the 329 Is that
We lacked the voters [Laughtsr.l You
will ALLOW me 10 omit the other 32s Blu,
could give YOU more than 800 reasons. Yea.
More-y letter. John Kelly did it with his
little racket. Wade Hamp;on's mule broke
his leg instead Of his neck. and Ben Hill
wasn't born a mute. English had forecloscd
has mortgages and We couldn't redeem.
Then
tt. the South this; can supply
Suiid comforts white We die.
Loud laughter In some States the Green
back party fell through . crack in their plat
form and crippled US. But Democracy still
lives is like the mule. it never dies Bu,
unfortunately. like the mule. while II lives It
j. forever ihrosing It's riders. Applause
Il bucked Greeley off and Killed him in
1872. Tildcn stuck on till be passed under
the wire. but there was so much DAYLIGHT
between him and his Democratic quadnIpcd
the Judges counted him of although he had
his feet in the siirrups This year We got
splendid send-of and might have won. bu,
the donkey was stricken down IN Indiana
with tgl l.andcrs. We close ihi, chapter Of
history with the hope the story will no; be
continued in our next We accept defeat
the more cheerfully because Of the magnani-
nous manner with which YOU take the VIC
tory. We take It every four YEAR, II j.
standing prescription. Il might well be
called the quadrcnniai epeoae. /, work. up
before election aud works down a. the re-
turns come in. We thank YOU for the unani-
nous way in which YOU have turned out 10
our funeral. We congratulate YOU on the
magnificent and imposing grandeur Of the
obsequies. Long continued applause.