The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-02-27
SHORT BITS.

! "When the tide comes in"-When mai
and wife arrive at home.
Newspaper columns have been lum
bered up with Maine business.
A ''rose by any other name would
smell as sweet" but not our "ra1
rows"
That the success of the electric light
will benefit London is fog gone conclu-
sion.
A Boston man wont wash his face
to save bis life. He'll do it to save his
skin.
Philadelphia has the bulge on Chicago
in one respect. 1t is named in the
Bible.
The tea that was not thrown overheard
in Boston harbor in the good old days
was liberty.
Love laughs at locksmiths, but we
defy anybody or anything to laugh at a
plumber.
A tree may be downcast, and not chop
fallen. It may be blown down, for
instance.
Strange, but true A word in season
is scarcely ever spoken by man in a
peppery frame of mind.
The Free Press saws that although
fences do not walk they have swing
ing gate. Can't they walk the picket
inc?
The Bell telephone Company have had
to refuse connection with the BARRIERS
shops for fear the BARRIERS will monopo-
lize all the talk.
Mamma cried Effie, rushing into
the room, ''the big clock has stopped,
I'm sure it has, for don't hear it
cackling!'
Minnie, wish you would not give
milk to your kitten on the carpet"
Minnie: Don't disturb her. She's on
her last lap"
The habits of fruit are peculiar; we
have seen O raisin box, fl, drum, and
an apple stand all day on the corner of
street.
A bright little Sunday school boy was
disguised when told that ramrods were
not named for Nimrod, the mighty hun
ter.
She was plump and beautiful, and he
he was wildly fond of her. She hated
him, but, woman like, strove to catch
him. He was flea.
Altoona boasts of cucumber four and
half feet long. There is probably
enough collie power in it to run twelve
horse power engine.
A child being asked what were the
three great feasts of the Jews, promptly
and not unnaturallv replied: Breakfast,
dinner and supper"
The Rev. DR.. Sloely has gone to
heathen lands as a missionary. The
heathens, it is hoped, will not take DR..
Halls advice and eat Sloely.
Indignant wife: eff had known you
were coming home i'll this condition, l
should have gone home to my fathers. +"
Inebriated husband: "Hic-would you! |!
I an awful sorry / didn't send you word
-hic."
''I'm glad I'm not Grant," said an Oil
citizen, recently, :'for if was I couldn't
go down to post my books, and wander
into minstrel show without my wife
reading it in the paper the next morn
ing"
Rich dentist (who is contemplating
the erection of fine residence). "What
style of architecture do you recon-
mend?" Architect-seeing it's you. [
should think Tuscan would be abont
the thing.
An Oil citizen received bill last week
from q New York firm, with the usual
request: "Please write us by next mail;
would like to close our books before the
first of the year" Promptly he returned
the answer: Cali right, close them up.
have no objection. D
Says Puck: A bold, base, utterly un-
trustworthy man tells us the following
advertisement recently appeared in
city paper: Wanted for adoption-A
baby with a father Address Widow,
Station 2.
An interchangeable family ulster,
supplies 8 want long felt. In the pos
session of young married couple it can
be worn by either party. The engages
when the couple walk out together.
Commodore Vanderbilt once visited
a spiritual medium, who began by say.
ing: ssYour first wife wishes to commu1;
nicate with you." Perhaps SO, said
the Commodore, abruptly, "but that is
not what came here for.
A man in Lewiston, New York, having
occasion to build house where alarge
elm tree stood, did not cut it down, but
built around it. The odd sight is now
presented of tree-top growing out of
the roof of handsome brick house.
The man who marries under the i'm
preston that his wife gives up every
thing for him-father, mother, brothers,
sisters and home-fnds out sometimes
that, however much the wife may have
given up, the father mother, brothers,
sisters, ETC., have not given her up.
The woman VINO can sit still and
smilingly entertain male visitor, per-
ceiving all the time that he has succeeded
in wrigging all the pins out of her tidy,
and is at that precious moment calmly
sitting on it, and will probably be for the
next hour, is sure of reward in the next
world if she does not receive 1T IN :
this.
Tae King and Queen ofSpain showed
publicly the other day, while driving in
Madrid, their devotion to their Church.
They met priest who was taking the
last sacraments to dying man, and,
alighting from their carriage, the young
pair lent it to the priest, following on
foot.
A worthy young Aoral agriculturist Of
Piety hill. Shasta county, has been 60
Letting poll tax from Chinamen
giving them pd Temp plar do sun
receipts. Thus he saves SOM
from being shipped to C
spreads temperance doctrines