Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1880-07-29
Ant1uruas department.

gMmNEnAa $kFa11MEn1'
He "SQUozE" HER HAND.-An Ohio ner.
chant tells the following story about himself.
Where he lives is secret.
"When l was boy about seventeen years
old I made trip to Cleveland in an Old
fashioned stage coach, with its spanking four
horses. At Mount Vernon, about o'clock
in the afternoon, a pretty girl came on board.
She sat on the back seat, next to the elderly
looking man. was on the middle seat i'm
mediately in front of her. soon struck up
: pleasant chat with her. She was a charm.
ing talker and almost as brilliant as she was
pretty. 1t looked as if she were mutually
pleased. When dark came concluded there
would be no harm in giving her hand q
squeeze by way of feeler. I reached behind
and got hold of the hand. I was little
startled at the hardness, but it returned a
vice-like pressure. I squeezed again and it
squoze back. A sense of disappointment would
steal over me when in my mind would con-
trast the seeming toughness of her hand with
the tenderness and sweetness of her voice.
The contrast did not seem to arterialize my
blood quite up to the point of exhileration.
At last she reached her destination and left
the coach. After We had started again chat
old rooster who sat beside her addressed me
thusly:
Young man, do you feel all right? You
had nice time tugging at my old paw for
the last FIVE miles hope you enjoyed it,
The two young ladies on the front seat
giggled all the way to the next station, and
the gentlemen passengers didn't forget to
smi lie when looked up. I have been more
successful since in that line"
RS- "Im going right in this river" said he,
staggering toward the string piece, as the
policeman clutched him by the collar
"Lemme co. tellyer. You lemme 60. I'm
just goin' right in this river and I'm goin
fer to drown my sorrers. I've busted around
'syer country till I'm finished. Yer hear me
Lemme go, will yer! Oh! just lemme get
inter the swelln' tide. Let 60 yer hold; lem
mealone I'm goin' to bust a hole in NOR
tality."
But the policeman lugged him of:
"Say, OF man, yersaved m'life," said the
would be suicide, as he knocked his hat
over his eyes. YOUR a square f'ler. Now
lemme 60 to bed. Year me? I? lemme gohome
Got two ten dollar bills? Got em?"
The policeman said he had ten and two
fves. just to humor the man.
Good d'nuA: That'll do. Gimme the ten,
and he pulled out twenty dollar bill. "Gim'
me the ten, year? Coin to makeyer present
ten dollars. Take this and gimme ten. Yer
saved mlife"
Once more to humor him the policeman
gave him the ten and took the twenty. He
didn't want the money, but the exhibition
of gratitude showed dawning interest in a
life that should be encouraged. Then bid
ding him good night the policeman walked
of.
If the drunken man who was rescued
from death by tall policeman will send his
address to headquarters, he will receive back
his counterfeit twenty dollar note and hear
something to his advantage.
How He FELT.-Some weeks since, while
party of Detroit surveyors were running a
railroad line in Indiana the survey carried
them across cemetery. In the course of
the survey small stake was driven into a
grave, and before it was removed and carried
ahead, lathy, long legged Hoosier over
hauled the men, pulled off bis coat and
danced around as he yelled out "Show me
the man that dared drive that stake in that
grave"
1--WE are going to removeit," quietly replied
one of the party.
II don't care if you are-show me the
man."
"Well, I am the man, and what are you
going to do about it ?" said the big man of
the lot. as he stepped out.
Didn't you know that was my wifes
grave" asked the Hoosier with a consider
able fall of his voice.
mo SIR"
"Well, it is, sir-my first wife's grave"
"And what of that?"
"What of that! Why-why sir, if hadn't
married a second one about month ago, and
kinder forgot my grief Id take stick and
pin you to the fence with it! It's lucky for
you fellers-mighty lucky for you-that l
don't feel half as bad l did"
EXPECTING BAD NEws.-A boy apparent
ly very much agitated, rushed into house
and said to the lady:
81 don't want ter alarm yer, but I've got
Dig news. Inc ulau seut iuo up lIotu tiie
livery stable to tell yer"
"Good heavens What is it2"
"Why, you know yer little Aleck, what
the man can't keep outen the livery stable
round the corner?'
Eyes, well?"
81 told Aleck just now not to 60 inter the
stable among the horses and he would not
mind me"
"Oh dear! what has happened?"
"He said he wanted to see what mule 'ud
do when you tickled its heels with straw"
"Oh heavens!' gasped the lady, and she
clung to the mantel piece for support.
"Well, sir, yer boy Aleck got a straw and
snuck up benin a sorrel mule, tickeled him
on the heels, an'"-
The lady started for the door.
can the blame crtter never lifted hoof,"
called the boy; "never so much as switched
his tail. It's mighty good thing for Aleck
that he didn't, too, an 1 thought I'D come
up and tell yer"
Nor MUCH OF A Loss.-A young lady
went to drug store Monday, located not
100 miles from the market house, and had a
prescription made up.
"How much p inquired the lady.
"Fihy cents" said the clerk.
"But have only forty-6ve cents with me"
replied the customer; "cant you let me have