The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1880-03-15
ALL SORTS.


When then the maid me an to marry
l OF evenings go TO see
Watches twain along with me.
One IL hours and hours too fast,
One ia hours and hours too slow;
call by the frst-the last
consult when should go.
You are an ojus. hidjus ijjit. my
dear!" said playful mamma to her
daughter at dancing school the other day.
"Oh, my dear Mrs. t." sighed one OF
her neighbors, what wnuldn't [ give to
have youf knowledge of Lasin!'.
Polly: well. Pat. what is it now
Would you rather look bigger fool than
ye are. or be bigger fool than ye look ?
Pat: Sure now. my darlint, and I'll both
till find which side o. the arigment yer
on yerself. within, by iabers, I'll join ye.
right or wrong.
"How much are these goods yard?''
said gentleman in dry goods store the
other day, as he picked up and examined
a piece of ruff ID silk. Good graciousl'
cried the Mortified clerk, that isn't for
saleI That's the end of lady's train !!
She's just gone up to the third story 10 the
elevator"
"Wby do girls elope?" is the very inter
esting query put by q contemporary.
Well, there are various reasons, the
principal ones being that the girls are dis
pleased with the way the ir mothers do
Homework, and some girls have an idea
| that they can support husbands. And a
| good many of them have to do it. too,
Important if tTue-A wife.
"Wanted-a plain cook" reads an ad-
yertisment. Wonder whose wife put that
In the paper.
The car escaped being blown up by
being late to dinner. Most married men
meet with different fate.
A Dakota girl has married China
man. He had some difficulty In explain
ing the state of his heart. but she finally
got his cue. .--., ..
A variety wedding" is the latest. 1t
occurs when a couple have been married
thirty years. About that time they want
variety.
Wife lon the rivers bank Goodness
the ice has broken up,and there goes Viii
liam Henry without one cent of insurance
to cover the loss.
The father who. in writing to his vile,
bads her give his love to the dear girls
his daughters, wished it understood that
he used the word ia its financial sense
the brute.
40 exchange says Littels Living Age
has paper on Adam aud Eve THIS
must have been after the pair had the
difficulty with the snake, for in their early
garden days they did not have much of
anything on to speak of.
An Arizona man. while digging grave
in which to bury his wife struck a valuable
silver lode Thereupon lie remarked,
SWELL | reckon Poliy'li keep if this weather
continues and kept on digging To-day
he is 9 ROB nan
- on eoFgeousiy attired dame is the
duchess of what?" asked Yankee specta-
tor at royal reception at Buckingham
palace. "che hisn't duches hat hall.
said the geld stick in waiting, but | ear
as 'ow she be the vile of han Hamerican
plumber.
we'll, oonfound it, Maria, don't bother
man while he's doing this blessed
puzzle. Go out aud buy him one for him
self; it'll keep him quite. Yes. loye,
will. in one minute-just wait till | get
this-how was it had it just n0w-14-l3
-l5-oh aearl'
why Bridget" said her mistress. who
wished to rally Bridget for the amusement
of her company upon the fantastic orua-
ment of huge pie, Why, Bridget, did
you do this? You are quite an artist;
how did you do it?' ''Iudade, it Was me-
self that did ii" replied Bridget. Isn't
it pritty, mum? | did it wild your false
teeth, mum.
T. young arehitept recently created q
By building for q uasly-married
couple q house in which the parlor had
two Ere places close together, 50 designed
that the husband end wife could each
build a fire in au Individual manner with
out quarreliDg. aud then could sit down
together at the same hearth. warmed by |
mutual blaze. Their place is called 'Har-
mony Grove
mo man shall ever kiss me except my
future husband, she said as he was about
leaving her at the gate. Suppose | agree |
to be your future" "Why, then I'll |
agree to kiss you" she said, eagerly; and |
she did. Her mother was informed that |
he bad proposed, and the old lady came |
around next day to fasten matters, and |
before he knew it he was eternally booked. |
1t was a mean advantage, but bird in the |
band is worth two on the front gate.
Il believe in personal devil, said Mr..
Moody. at revival meeting held iu a re: |
mote Western city. That's true. that's |
re right there stranger, SAID |
al old farmer. rising from his seat in bis
Whereupon a calm.faced.
placid looking woman rose from The other
end of the pew, took him by the ear. and |
ed him slowly out. and the assembly knew
then, for the first time, that the old man
mind was filed with domestic thoughts
instead of the hereafter.
Before the ar'-Courtship.
Il
Parlor Understanding in the draw
ng-room.
It is said the Fassar college girl who
caught cold by drinking water from
lamp tumbler is convalescent.
4 Michigan girl has heen arrested for
carrying revolver This is right. No
emale should be allowed to wear bangs In
Ter hip pocket.
A young woman 10 church In England
.ot up and forbade the banns of country
couple. Her reason was, said, II
want him myself.
An Alarm Of Fire.
Abou. half past twelve O'Clock to-day |
u alarm of fire was sounded from the
bird Ward Hose Co. No. 3, and nm il