The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-05-21
PITH AND POINT.

A MERE matter of form-Cutting a
dress.
LIES go by telegraph the truth comes
III by mail three hours late.
MoTHERLY wisdom-Stick to your
fannels until they stick to you.
A GENTLEMAN named his dog Penny
because it was one sent to him.
We hear of man who has made a
fortune by attending to his own bust
ness This is authentic. But then he
had few competitors.
We are told that "Gen. s. was al
ways coolest when on the point of at
tack" Most people are hottest when on
the point of tack.
Rev. LOUIS WAzAwAcANAYANA is a
Dakota clergyman. He has one Salts
faction, however. Nobody opens his
letters by mistake.
We are told "the evening wore on"
but we are never told what the evening
wore on that occasion. Was it the close
OF summers day?
A ST. LOUIS rich man drew up will
which was so pathetically worded that it
moved all his relatives to tears. 1t left
all his property to an orphan asylum.
A New YORK engraver recently made
this mistake: "Mr. and Mrs. re
spectfully request your presents at the
marriage of their daughter"
WHEN hen has retired from bust
ness, after long and uneventful life as
an egg-manufacturer, the unfeeling
huckster throws her upon the market as
a spring chicken.
CT WISH was worth 81, 900, OOO," said
gentleman. "What good would it do
you, for you don't spend your present
mcome?" inquired a friend. "Oh, [
could be economical on large SCALE
A VERY weak tenor in Dublin singing
feebly caused one of the gods to shout to
an acquaintance across the gallery:
"Corney, what noise is that % "Be-
dad said Corney, 81 believe it's the
gas whisIlin in the pipe"
JEANNE's mother attempts to dissuade
her from marrying a soldier of the line
with whom the girl is desperately in
love. "a war may come and cannon
ball may take off his head, F" she tells her.
"Ah, well widow at 1872 exclaims
the daughter. "What is more poetic?
con! papa, b" exclaims college youth
rushing into the presence Of his father,
"good news. I have passed my exami-
nation" "My noble boy, I nm over
joyed." "And so was my tutor. He
said the news made him very happy,
for, if [ could pass, nobody else could
possibly fail to-"
A YOUNG man and woman stopped at
a country tavern. Their awkward APP
pearance excited the attention of one of
the family, who commenced a conversa-
ton with the female by inquiring how
far she had travelled that day. 'ETrav-
eled p exclaimed the stranger, somewhat
Indignantly; "we didn't travel, we rid!"
"YoU know" said Plato Socrates
That melons must be kept cool
Socrates nodded assent. CHOW, con-
tinued Plato, "if melons were very
scarce and descendants of Ham were
numerous in the vicinity, how would you
keep your melons cool and secure 2"
I'D put 'em, replied Socrates, Sin a
chilled-iron safe"
WHEN the Greeks were about to sail
for Troy, Menelaus bought bundle of
straw and put it carefully away in his
cabin. ''What is that for?' asked
Agamemnon. "To tell us the direction
of the breeze" answered Menelaus.
You're crazy" said Nestor. "Why,"
remarked Menelaus, don't straws show
which way the wind blows ,"
CT AM told," said Mr.. Gladstone to
Mr.. Sam Ward one evening at Dalmeny
after day of great oratorical conflict,
" that you have in your country man
who can play on harp of a thousand
strings" eyes, was the reply, "but
have listened to a man to-day in this
country who can play upon a harp of
ten thousand strings. " Mr. Gladstone
is understood to have been pleased with
the compliment.
The office door was opened and imme-
diately shut without attracting Smith
sons attention but, when this was done
again and again and again, you could
see by the rose hue in his face that he
had finally noticed it. The next time
the door opened, the small boy who
opened it was surprised by the warm
embrace that Smithson bestowed on him.
" What do you mean, you young ras-
cal? ?" cried Smithson, punctuating his
remarks by vigorous shakings of the
small boy aforesaid. "What do you
mean by meddling with my door ?" 81
only did what you wanted me to do"
whimperingly replied the boy. What
I wanted you to do 7" shrieked Smith
son, with shake that threatened to
make butter of the lad. eyes, sir;
you stuck up please shut the door,
and, you know, l couldn't shut it with
out first opening it, could I?" 1t was
we'll that the last shake of Smith
sons was so violent that he lost his hold
Of the boy. There is no knowing what
might have been the consequences
Boston transcript
THE diminutiye Commodore Mutt