The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1880-03-27
THE MASHER'S LAST MASH.

Down the Baltimore and Ohio toward Newark,
Ohio, we fly. We fly close to the ground but all
the same it is flying.
"Here comes the masher," the fat passenger said,
"How much he travels this winter. His coat is
dark, his trousers are light, his collar is high and
his manly throat is barred to the breeze"
"With lump in it like the goitre on an old oak
tree" said the passenger, "and his hair and
his in gilt letters his little Russia leather
Valise is parted in the middle his eye-glass is
faultless and his front hair is banged"
"And there is a general indication of something
lacking in the upper story" said the tall thin pas
senger, "his head slopes from the bump of self
down to his neck aft. He is not brilliant, he is
not useful, he is not intelligent, he is lacking"
"There is a hole in his skinner, evidently" said
the man on the wood box.
"Pale saffron is his neck-scarf and brightly
thereon CLEANS the 20-cent diamond of Alaska"
remarked the sad passenger "msager IL he as to
his intellect, but fertile are his whiskers fascinat
ing beyond the song of the siren is the melody Of
his voice; he cannot pronounce r, and the Italian
is soft in his speech, but he says git and shet
up and when he goeth he says he is 'goin'.'-
Sweet is his countenance, and the lone, helpless
female who gazes upon it is gone"
"She is left, indeed" sighed the fat passenger.
"You bel" said the brakeman, earnestly, "shO
is clear broke up.'
one paIAlyZeOy mOurneQ Lne sdQ passenger,
"and the palpitations of her maidenly heart palp
only for him.
"And he lets it palp," said the man with the
sandy goatee, "for if he would he cannot marry
all of them. He is sorry for the girls but he really
cannot do it."
"And So" said the tall, thin passenger, "they
pine away for him they watch for his coming in
the car, and their faces grow brighter when he
comes they admire him when he PAGES up and
fba nj nd fba fad hut
harmless cigar of the kraut plant of the Connect
cut plantations his plaid pantaloons are day
stars to their longing eyes, and his cutaway coat
they adore. They cannot help it they love to
have him stare at them, and he knows it. He is
too sweet to live, and he knows that, too"
'Let us look at him also, and admire him, said
the fat passenger. "See how he sits graceful as
Apollo new lighted on rail fence to talk politics
with the neighbors. But soft, here comes girl
seeking seat. Maiden, our prayers are all for
thee. Too late; all in vain the masher has caught
her eye, her fate is sealed, her heart is lost"
She was a beautiful girl, fair the morning,
handsomely arrayed, little gloved hands that you
would even like to have box your ears. Drawn
by the irresistible fascination of his inviting eyes,
she approached the masher who makes room for
her beside him. Her eyes beamed on him in beau
ty only equaled by his own, her voice sweeter
than the song of the siren when she spoke to him.
She had to speak to him, how could she help it
"Sir" she said and the music of her voice thrilled
the car, "Sir, is this seat engaged" ?"
He looked up at the vision of glowing cheeks
and laughing eyes, marble brow and clustering
curls, and he relented, even the masher's heart
warmed toward the lovely girl, the latest victim
of his manly charms.
"0h certainly not, he said, and his bow was a
study of grace for the steam man. "0h, certainly
not you are entirely welcome; shall be only too
happy"
"Then," cried the charmed victim, "Mother you
can sit here beside this gentleman"
And an old woman, seventy y-three if she was
day, with no teeth and only one eye, small box,
big band-box in bag, green reticule and an
umbrella, two paper bags and piece of calamus
root, tottered into the proered seat and sat down
and piled her things into the young mans lap
And the girl, the beautiful girl went and sat down
beside the passenger with the sandy goatee, who
was so bashful that he couldn't and didn't say
word to his companion all the way to Newark, and
bushed to his ears every time the fat passenger
winked at him. Thus ended the saddest chapter
in the history of the masher.