Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1880-06-17
FUN AND RROLIC,
Facetious Fragments Eound Float
ing In FIELDS of Fact and Fancy

Factions Fragments FOnnd Float
Ing In Fielas Of Fact and Fancy
i RDIToR BAGsHor'sAsssrA1r Colon,
Basshot runs weekly newspaper cal
ed the "Union," up in Chodunk. RI
Gently the Colonel was called away t
New York on business, leaving tn
"Union" in the hands OF an assistan
who had been in his employ some littl
time.
Now the Colonel knew that said as
sistant had the cheek Of a brass statut
and the audac:ty of q New England H.
both indispensable attributes Of tn
newspaper man; but still, after bsin,
in the city about week, he began Il
grow uneasy, and telegraphed to Che
dunk
J CLOVIS things!"
| Back came the answer from tn,
ONIONS" whilom editor
"Bully! Circulation ofthe old thing's
gone up a thousand. Been getting w
a red. hot paper, and there's gang out
side that are weeping because they
can't hoist the shingles off the roof and
knock the whole machine to atoms.
Stay away rs long as you like.
Bagshot didn't waste o moment az
t~r receiving this encouraging dispatch.
He started home on the first train,
aud reached Chodunk before night.
The Grst man that struck him was
the ticket agent.
"Look here, Colonelt'' he cried ex-
citedly, "I've good notion to punch
your head; you brazsn-faced old liar"
"Why!" asked Bagshet.
"Read that" and the ticket agent
showed crunpled "Union" into his
hand.
There was paragraph marked as
follows:
RAILROAD Nsws.-The handy legged
idiot who rohs the railroad company at
this village has purchased new pock.
OF knife. More knocking down from
the cash drawer"
Bsgshot bit his lip.
"Blll," said he, CHATS a calumny,
and III see it rishtsd in our next. It's
my ASSISTANTS work."
81 don't care whose work 1t IT,"
erowled the agent, "but II it amt con-
tradlcted, some body's got to die; that's
ALL"
Bagshct didn't reply, but sailed down
The street to the "Union" Office.
He had not gone half a block before
be collided with Deacon Marsh.
The deacon seized him by the shoulder
and exclaimed -
what do you mean, Bagshot, by
that scandalously untrue item
about me ?"
Didn't insert any item," replied
he Colonel.
Don't sneak out Of 1t in that way"
fou know you did, Why l just cut it
,ut Of tbs "Union''-listen =
Religious Intelligence. That whited
Deacon Marsh, was noticed,
ast Saturday night, trying to open the
in front Of his residence with
lis night key. The deacon was full rs
goat, and couldn't tell moonshins
rom cheese"
New that's nice, amt 1t, saying
hat | was intoxicated on Saturday
light, when went TO bed atseven o.
lock with a raging toothachep
"Its that reckless fool wkUfn left
a charge" groanea the Colonel, "I'll
make it all right, Marsh, !" and Bagshot
ourried on again. only to b coHfropt-
d by Major Blim.
"Colone! 2" uttered Blfm, in his
eepest voice, "this Is villaihous It's a
y intention, sir, to call You out and +,
9oot you through the heart. What the
euce do you mean by publishing this q
ote in the Union"
military Jottings.--Major Blim, g.
he tattered old beggar, who hid in an
Vstsr barrel during the battle Of Bull r
M, wears a wig. He ought to be ?
not in the back with q baked apple."l d
81 can't help it Blim," said BasaAot, l.,
iping his forehead, ''it's all owing
that young rascal in the Office. He
rs made red hot paper. Just wait, D.
ajor, ard III fix things"
Then Bagshot started again. By the
me he had reached the postofice old,T
irker g!.pped him,
"Oh, you Un!seilng ghoul" walled :,
.rker. "You ought TO be rode on a I
IL. The idea Of making fun Of my v
'or. dead child" L.
"HowP' "A
"How" he screamed.
"Howl Have you the cheek to ask L
w! Maybe you didn't shove this in a
the Union, did You, you heartless
'pocrits - r
'oBITUARy." Il
Little Bennie Parker re
Had stomach pain,
RhuharD and ipecae
Both were IN vain;
He Aicked the golden bucket, -
His PARENTS heart ore sore; a
They'll bury him tomorrow, N
At a quarter Of four. "a
OF course Bagshot had to explain, 10,
d promised the bsreaved father Of d
o. column notice Of the dead Bsnnie's mi
rtues. =
Hardly had he done 10 before young A
Obey appeared. Al
Colonel BagshOt," he answered, mi
'ou're lying scoundrel. This Is q ,al
80 thing to pat in your blackguard Is
set about young lady:" Fh'
Society Items, Niles Cooley, the v
| hag on South street, waltzss around ~
a patent buStle in the hope Of catch Dcl