The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-02-12
HUMOROUS.

dOMoNoUSs
A DENTAL journal says the reason sc
many men fail as orators is because
hey have lost some of their teeth
Bosh Look at hen; hasn't and never
had tooth in her head; and did tho
dental editor never hear hen mount
the fence ond dc liver a two hours
Fourth Of July GRAFTON over one egg
no bigger than q lemon.
"WnY, Dick" said Il lady teacher
tho other day, "you are getting to be
an awfully good boy lately; ever sc
much better than you were last year
How is ?" "Oh! pshaw Miss IIet,
ty," said the yOungster, "l don't have
SO much tummick-ache now"
"MY wife," remarked prominent
manufacturer, "ncver attends auctions
She went once, and seeing friend al
the opposite side of the room, nodded
politely, whcrcupon the auctioneel
knocked down q patent cradle, and
asked her where she wished it deliv-
cred"
The O'Finigan: .Bcdad, sorr, we
were pestcred wild those rascally spies
Of O'Brady: "Rimnints o. Tory bar
balism, sorr; be more careful, sorr
stand at tho door, and don't let man
III unless he comes hiNself."
elbow like its father It Is :" oxclaim-
Ell the nurse, on the occasion Of tho
christening OF Il baby whose father was
over seventy, and had married young
wife. Ivory like" replied a satlricu
lady, 'it hasn't 4 tooth in its head !"
HEN woman p"OmenadcS tho
streets leading dog 1t looks as if she
couldn't lead anything else OH hel
string.
Husbands never meet their wives
with smiles on their lips; they wipe
them OIL before they get home.
DID pou ever notice the fact that 8
tramp who claims he has q trade bu,
can get no work at it, in the winter Is
brfckmakcr and in the summer is G
lumberman or ice sawyer?
A WITTY but heartlcss proof t-readc,
Oh an Eastern paper recently added tC
the death notice Of somewhat cele.
brated colorcd man the line, death
loves shining mokc."
SALT has various properties and eff.
feets as 1t regards the human system
Ii acts as a tonic and condiment, as an
cmctic, purgative and as disinfect.
ant.
"WnY. Bridget! didn't the iau in.
lure your Bridset-'Sure mum, the
fall didn't hurt me. but kind O. Jared
noESn1f n, l,n, I
NEWSPAPER WAIrs.-Lady (behind
counter, to cabman)-"pair OF glove
Yes. What Is your numbcr?" Cabman
"A hundred and ninety-threc -
"THAT's what beats me-" as the boy
said when he saw his iather take the
skate strap down from its accustomed
nail.
DURING ordinary respiration for
twenty-fOur hours the quantity of OK
ygcn gas consumed amounts to forty
thousand cubic inches.
ALL experience goes to show that
people arc far more liable to Contract
diseases or contagious fcvers or all
empty than with Il in!l stomach.
y FEW drops Of nitric Of amyl have
q powerful influence in restoring the
functions Of the heart In cases OF
drowning hanging or lainting.
As many women learn to know their
husbands. they wish they had learned
to "No" them when they were only
swcethcarts.
BREAKFAST should be light stimu.
lating meat, dinner more hearty and
substantial.
A FARMER on the shores of Lake On.
tario had nine acres washed away ir
twenty years. He Is evidently losing
ground.
TRAVELLERS have frequently noticed
that they get the poorest dinner at rail
road stations where the dinner gons
sounds loudest.
OUTSIDE speculators In Wall stree
were first called "lambs' for the rea
son that they Gambol first and ce
~hcarcd afterwards.
A M1NCE-PIE at bedtime Is the short
est route to the menagerie.
How to mako crockery ware-Don'
use it.
A FIGURE Of speech The barber.
@EVasxIse.1S.9aax.-1sse
BABY SAvED.-Wc arc so Thankful
to say that our baby was cured Of :
Dan GcrOllS and trOtrirtCI ;rrnc.;llHrit :,
OF he bowels by tho use Of Hop B.tiei:
by its mother, which at the same tim,
restored her to perfect health ant
S*!rcnSth.--The Parents, Rochester, N
Y. Sec another column.
PHYSICIANS say that there is no rcmed,
for Consumption, and possibly, in SOM
cases the assertion may be correct
We know however OF many cures mad
by DR.. Bull's Cough Syrup and vii