The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-07-10
AEE SORTS,

=: !.- ~
"A cheap country soat--a stump.
1t Is mover too. hot for billiard balls
to freeze.
"A faint heart never won fair
lady, but q faint whisper often catches
her.
"A New York Chinaman was ask
ed his age, for tho census. He thought
1t was the draft, and, wishing EXEMPT
ion, he hereplied, ego years oldee, alice
timee."
1t is said that wo spend more for
tobacco than for bread. This seems
a littlo hard to believe, when every
one appears to depend on his friends
for tho former.
-"SOoncr or later" says q French
writer, "cverything is found out. y
just so. A married man, for instance.
is generally found out later nbout
three hours later-than he should be.
The fact that nature only put one
elbow in mans arm is sufficient to
lndlcnte that she never intended him
to tasten the collar button on tho back
ofhis sllirt.-A. Bronson Alcott.
-" Where do your paragraphcrs go
to when they dicr asks tho Houston
Ne'os, and the Philadelphia Chronicle.
iefdtd replies: eff it isn't from the
humorous to the grave we give it up"
81 should like to see somebody
abduct me-" said Mrs. Smith at the
breakfast table the other morning.
INN SO should my dear; so should
y" SAID MIR. Smith, with exceeding
carncstncss.
speaking Of thunder turning fresh
milk, Bliffcrs says it can't hold cnu-
Gle to q vicious COW. lie says ho has
cow that can turn whole pailful of
new milk "quickcr'n thundcrl"
"A chivalrous young man in Nor
1oik, Va. Knocked Il young girl down
with a brickbat and broke several of
her left ribs, because she wouldn't
! marry him. Hc was determined to
get Mt her heart some way.
"A street sketch: We should really
ADVISE Old Shoddy, if he must have q
lVcr1cd coachnah to drive him about,
not TO select the hanlsomcst and most
arlstocratic-lookiug ono he can find,
bccausc-wcll, because comparisons
arc odious.-U0rra'W Lompoon.
Robinson CATER u long whist bout
at the clubl-"lt is awtully late,
Brown. What " ill YOU say to your
Wllcr' Brown Gn a whisper)-"Oh,
slm'n,t say much you know. Good
morning. DEAR or something of that
sort. She'll say the rest."-Per .Er.
changc.
The Graphic is right as usual.
1.-The earth is said TO be tllrcc-fitths
water and two-tifths land. The pro-
portion is Il great mistake. There
should be fraction more water, and
! then perhaps two steamboats, might
find room to pass without mashing
each others timbcrs."
- AN old Judge Of the New York
Supreme Court meeting friend in q
nelghboring village, exclaimed: "Why,
what are you doing hercw 81 am at
work trying to mako an honest liy-
ing" was the reply. 'Then you'll
succeed said the Judge, "for you'll
have no competition"
Why is it," writes Gillian Maud"
Routingiy, to an exchange, "why is il
| that all the nice men are cngagcd?"
Ihey'rc not, Lilinn, they're not.
Several of us are still in maiden mcdi-
tatlon fancy, free, Was there any
thing in particulor that you wanted to
Know Rochqund Courier.
The poet has referred idlcrs to the
ant for Il lesson on industry. The
common house fly, however,. wears
the belt tor- persistent perseverance,.
Que of these creatures will 90 u thou
sand times to the same spot on Il mans
bald head, and yet there is nothing to
be gained by it in any way.
An Oil City Democrat who slut
tcrs was asked by religious friend
yesterday what candidate he favored,
and was trying to say 81 don't care,
any one will suit,", as follows: w
! d-d-d-," when the friend cut him
short with: "Tut, tut, friend, never
mind; don't swear about it."-OH
city De'7Ich.
-Six-year-old-':NIa, what's mel
low?'
Mothcr-"Ripc.,
SiX-ycar-old-"Thcn is pa ripc?"
Mothcr-"Why do you ask?
SiX-ycar-old-""C the cook said
to the chambcrmaid that pa came
home rather mellow last night. .'-.SuA
francisco Wasp.
n most fastidious man was he:
Whenever he got tight,
He'd triilc to the left,
Then slow down the right;
He'd jam against hiching- post,
And exc against tree,
And bark,his nusc-in fact, most
Fast-stiddy-us man was he.
Puck.
| Eyes," said the witness. 81 re-
member the dctcndcnt's mother cry
ing on the OCCASION referred to. She
was weeping with her left cyc-tne
only only one she has-and the tears
We're running down her right cheek"
"W,hat," exclaimed the judge, chow
could that bcw "Plcasc your honor"
said the witness, "shc was awfuliy
cross-cyed."
An anxious father was consulting
one of the Wall Street magnatcs as to
what business he should put his son
to-. "My boy, sir" said he, :'has had
a first-ratc education and is rcmarkn-
bly, TRUTHFUL" 81 don't sec much
good in that" said the Wall Street
man, jingling the double eagles in his
brecchcs pocket; ''nonc Of the sue
ti11 Il I-,s 4. A.