Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1880-06-30
HOW HE CAME TO GET MARRIED.


It may be funny, but I've done it.
I've got rib and baby. Shadows
departed - oyster stews, brandy cock
tails, cigar boxes, boot-jacks, abscond-
ing shirt buttons, whist and dominoes.
Shadows present - hoop skirts, band
boxes. ribbons, CATERS, long stockings,
juverile dresses, tin trumpets, little
willow chairs, cradles, bibs, pap, sugar.
teats, paragoric, hive sirup, castor oil,
Godfrey's cordial, soothing strip, rhu
barb, SIENNA. salts, squills and doctors
bills. Shadows future more nine
pound babies, more hive strip, etc., etc.
I'll just tell you how got caught. I
was always the darndest, most tea-cus-
tard bashful fellow you ever did see; it
was kinder In my line to be taken with
the shakes every time / saw pretty gal
approaching me, and I'd cross the street
any time rather than face one; 'twasn't
because didn't like the critters, for If
was behind fence looking through
knot hole I couldn't look at one long
enough. Well, my sister Lib gave O
party one night, and I stayed away
from home because was too bashful to
face the music. I hung around the
house whistling "Old Dan Tucker"
dancing to keep my feet warm, watch
ing the heads bobbing up and down
behind the window curtains, and wish
ing the laundering party would break
up so / could get to my room. I
smoked a bunch of cigars, and
as it was getting late and mighty
uncomfortable. I concluded to shin
up the door-post. No sooner said than
done, and soon found myself snug in
bed. Now" says I, " let her ripl
Dance till your wind gives outl" And,
cuddling under the quilts, Morpheus
grabbed me. I was dreaming of soft
shell crabs and stewed tripe, and was
having good time, when some one
knocked at the door and woke me up.
"Rapp again. laid low. @Rap, rap, rap"
Then I heard whispering, and I knew
there was whole raft of gals outside.
Rap, rapp Then Lib sings out, "Jack,
are you there?" YES" says I. Then
came roar of laughter. Let us in"
says she. II won't" says L; "can't you
let fellow alone?" "Are you abed?"
says she. g I am" says I. Get up"
says she. WON'T" says I. Then
came another laugh. By thunder! I
began to get riled. "Get out, you pet
ticoated scarecrowsl" cried; can't
you get beau without hunting a fell
low out of bed? I won't go home with
you-I won't, so you may clear cutl"
And, throwing boot at the door, I felt
better. But, presently, oh, mortal but
tons! I heard still, small voice, very
much like Sister Lib's and it said, "Jack,
you have to get up, for the girls things
are in therep Oh, Lord, what picket
Think of me in bed, all covered with
shawls, muffs, bonnets and cloaks, and
twenty girls outside the door waiting to
get in! If I had stopped to think, I
should have died on the spot. AS it
was, 1 rolled out among the bonnet
wire and ribbons in hurry. Smash
went the millinery in every direction.
had to dress in the dark-for there
was crack in the door. and girls 1CiJl
peep-and the way I fumbled about
was death on straw hats. The critical
moment came. opened the door and
found myself right among the women.
ooh, my bonnetp cried one ooh, my
Leghornl" cried another, and they
pitched in. They pulled me this way
and that, boxed my ears, and one bright
eyed little piece-Sal - her name
was-put her arms around my neck and
kissed me right on my lips. Human
nature couldn't stand that, and gave
her as good as she sent. It was the
first time I ever got taste, and it was
powerful good. believe I could have
kissed that gal from Julius Caesar to
Fourth CT July. Jack" said she, eve
are sorry to disturb you, but
won't you see me homer" "Yes,"
said I, IT will" I did do it,
and had another smack at the gate, too.
After that, we took kinder turtle-dov-
ing after each other, both of us signing
like barrel of new cider when we were
away from each other. twas at the
close of glorious summer day-the
sun was setting behind distant hog
pen-the chickens were going to roost
the bull frogs were commencing their
evening songs-the pollywogs, in their
native mud puddles, were preparing
themselves for the shades of night, and
Sal and myself sat upon an antiquated
back log, listening to the music of ma
ture, such as tree toads, roosters and
grunting pigs, and now and then the
mellow music of distant jackass was
waited to our ears by the gentle zephyrs