Morning journal and courier., 1880-06-17

A pastor at Austin, Texas, preached on "A Tight Squeeze or the Round Dance." Limerick No; shoemakers never die Who ever heard of shoemaker breathing his last ?-Boston Post.
 Some one asked a lad how it was he was SC short of his age. He replied Father keeps
 me so busy I ain't got time to grow. An advertisement of cheap shoes adds : Ladies wishing these cheap shoes will do l well to call soon, as they will not last long, A little girl defining bearing false witness against your neighbor," :" said lit was when nobody did nothing and somebody went and | told of it.
 The same lady who subseribes iberally in aid of the Society for the Prevention of Cru city to Animals will stop horse car between 1 two cross streets.-Boston Transcript. An Ichthyophagous Club has been started in Now York It is calculated to ruin the repu- l tation of any husband who goes home at night and tries to tell where he has been.- New Orleans Picayune.
 When reform spelling becomes universal, a dime novel hero can write T kum uv a prowd an hotty rase," without giving him self dead away as regards his early educa- tion.-New Orleans Picayune
 When husband and wife are afflicted with
 incompatibility of temper among the Arizona Indians they are burnt together, but in some civilized communities they are condemned to live on together, and make it hot for one an- other here in this cold world.
 Clergyman to newly welded pair The marriage stateimposes various duties. The husband must protect the wife, while the wife must follow the husband whithersoever he goes" Bride 'Lor', sir, can't that be altered in our case My husband is going to be county postman.
 Literary young man at party-''Miss
 Jones, have you seen Crabbe's Tales ?''
 Young lady (scornfully)-'I was not aware
 that crabs had tails" Literary young man Covered with confusion)- n)-'sI beg your par
 don I should have said read Crabb's Tales. D
 Young lady (angrily scornful )-"And I was
 not aware that red crabs had tails either. D Exit young man.
 Rival in Social Success. Scene-Staircase of Ducal Mansion. The Duchess at home.
 ''SmalI and early.'' Mrs. Jones Ca new beau
 ty, with more surprise than pieasureG Well I never MT. and Mrs. Robinson, of
 all peoplel And how came you here ?" Mrs Robinson Ca still newer beauty)-''We drove, dear Mrs Jones' You don't mean to say you came on foot !"-Punch.
 He came into the sanctum with a large roll of manuscript under his arm, and said very
 politely: '.I have little triae here about the beautiful sunset yesterday, which was dashed of by a friend of mine, which would
 like inserted if you have room" sPlenty of
 room. Just insert it yourself" replied the
 editor, gently pushing the waste basket to-
 ward him.-Galveston News
 One morning not long ago, gentle
 man of this city who figures prominently in
 the drug business, was out for an unusually
 early morning walk, and meeting a son of
 Erin, the latter accosted him with, "Good
 mornin to yez. Phat are you doing out so
 early in the mornin' ?'' 'I am walking. to
 get an appetite for my breakfast" said the gentleman. ''What are you doing out so
 early?n tBedad, J says Pat, sI'm out walk
 ing for breakfast for me appetoit."