davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
w WORMS. WORMS. WORMS.

E. +. Kunkeps Worm Syrup never fails to
destroy Pin, Seat and Stomach Worms. DR..
Kunkel, the only successful physician who re-
moves Tape Worm in two hours, alive with
head, and no fee until removed. Common
sense teaches If Tape Worms be removed all
other worms can be readily destroyed. ADJ
vice at Office and store, free. The doctor can
tell whether or not the patient has worms
Thousands are dying daily, with worms, and
do not know it. Fits, spasps, cramps, chok-
ing and suffocation, sallow complexion, circles
around the eyes, swelling and pain in the
stomach, restless at night, grinding Of the
teeth, picking at the nose, cough, fever, Itch
ing at the seat, headache, foul breath, the pa
tient grows pale and thin, tickling and irrita-
ton In the anus,-all these symptoms, and
more, come from worms. e. F. KuNKEI's
Worm SYRUP never fails to remove them.--
Price, Si.0O per bottle, or six bottles for $5.-
90. (For Tape Worm write and consult the
Doctor.) For all Others buy of your drug
gist the Worm Syrup, and If he has it not,
send to DR.. E. #. Kunkel, $50 N. Ninth St.,
Philadelphia, Pa. Advice by mail, free
send three-cent stamp. m.31, At.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
New Stock Of 1880.

rT0Ys, GAMES ARCHERY, FISHING TACKLE
Il CROQUET and the little knck-knacks wanted fol
the amusement of children. We keep these goods "a,
the convenience of our customers ~
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
Delegate Meeting.

In accordance With the above call OF the State Execu-
tive Committee. the Republican voters of the County
of Hunterdon requested meet in the several town
ships, the usual places Of holding township meetings.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
New Stock Of 1880.

THAT'S AND CAPS for Gents, Boys and Children In
IL extensive assortment and OF qualities unsurpass-
ed anywhere.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21

Wy o0LENs, sACKINGs CLOTHS, CASHMERE
w for Boys Wear. yelyeteens, corduroys and Al
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
New Stock of 1880.

IYNDERGARMENTs of Linen and Muslin for Ladies'
" In grand assortment This is a specially sue
eessful department. because of its lar9eness and the
nne character OF the stock Also Misses and Chill
dren's Underwear.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-04-21
Water !!
MEDICAL.

MESSAGES left at Central Drug Store Lambert vile
IXl for r. G. Foulke NJ. d. will be promptly attended
to. r. G. Foulke, NJ. D..
March "a, 1885, sm. --'i'' =
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

1t is wonderful what fools boys
are. A charming widow of our
city owns a nice boy, and man
from st. Paul wants to be appoint
ed deputy father TO the lad. 1t
was only last Sunday that while
the st. Paul man was strolling
down Chestnut street with the lad,
he asked: "Bub, does your man.
ma bang her hair 2" and that fool
ish boy answered: "Oh, no; but
you ought to see her bang dads
head. Guess the minister didn't
know everything when he told pa
to prepare to die. Prepare | why
he was aching to ie."-Stillwater
Lumberman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05
A Smart Boy.

A young man called on his in.
tended, and while waiting for her
to make her appearance, he struck
mp a conversation with his intend.
ed brother-in-law. After a while
the boy asked:
"Does galvanized niggers know
much 2"
81 really can't say" replied the
much amused young man.
And then silence reigned for q
few moments when the boy re.
sumed his conversation.
"Kin you play checkers with
your nose :"
"No, l have never acquired that
accomplishment"
"Well, you'd better learn"
"Wbyw
"'Cause Sis says that you don't
know as much as a galvanized Mig
ger, but your dads got lots of
stamps and she'll marry you any
how; and she said when she got
hold of the old mans sugar she
was going to all the Fourth of July
percessions and ice-cream gum
sucks, and let you stay at home
and play checkers with that holly
hook nose of your"
And when Sis got her hair bang
ed and came in, she found the par
Tor deserted by all save her broth
er, who was innocently tying the
tails of two kittens together and
"Oh, love the Sunday
School,"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The editor of a newspaper that
has adopted phonetic spelling, in a
measure, received a postal card
from an old subscriber in the
country, which read as follows
81 have TUX your paper fur 'leven
yeres, but if you kant spell emmy
better than you have been doin'
fur the las to munths you may jes
stoppit."-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Neighbors not on calling terms
are enjoying themselves just now
in commenting on the extreme
homeliness of each others carpets
as they swing upon the lines.-New
Haven Register.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The Bloomington Eye publishes
births, marriages and deaths under
the heading: "Hatched. Matched,
Dispatched" 1t would take less
type TO say: "Bred, Wed, Dead"
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Mrs. Harris was i'll, at Mitchell,
Ind, and deliriously insisted on
getting out of bed. The husband
tried by persuasion to keep her
quiet, and then losing his patience,
killed her with an axe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Lawyer c. (entering the Office of
his friend DR.. NJ, and speaking in
a hoarse whisper)-"Fred, I've got
such cold this morning that l
cant speak the TRUTH DR.. M
"Well I'm glad it's nothing that
will interfere with your business
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"Young man." said Mr.. Daniel
Rice, "do you want to go down to
a drunkard's graveg' "Well," re-
piled the Young man, ~ don't care
If II do. Whereabouts is your fam
ily lot \"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"What pretty children, and how
much they look alike" says c., du,
ring a visit at friends house.
"They are twins" his friend ex-
plains. "What, both of 'em 7" ex-
claims c., greatly interested.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The HON Jrnl stks to its spelng
with a przstncy worthy of a betr
koz. The language bgins to lul,
like vtern ov the lat war, minus
wun arm and both legs.-New
York Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"Squeak, squeak, squeak" said
a heavily loaded wagon which was
going through a deep mud hole.
"If you'll hold your tongue" said
the horses, well pull you through"
Rome Sentinel.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

A little discovery.-Observing
boy: "Ma, Aunt Dora has been
eating the honey" Astonished
mother: "How do you know, my
dear :" Son: "'Cause | heard
Mr.. Smith say he wanted to sip the
honey from her lips"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Artemus Ward said in England
it took him an hour and half to
deliver the lecture which he got
through in an hour in America.
The extra time was spent in wait
ing for his hearers to take the joke.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"If you want to get at the cir
conference Of a man," says Josh
Billings, examine him among men !;
but If you want tew get at his ack-
tual diameter, measure him at his
fireside.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

A Tennessee man can so pertly
initiate the sounds made by two
dogs engaged in fighting, that he
can call NJ mi his congregation
out of hurch in three minutes.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Whenever ] see a real handsum
woman engaged in the winners
rights business, ] am going to take
off mi hat and jine the procession.
See il I don't.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Shakespeare foresaw that oleo-
margarine would some day be used
as term of reproach, when he
wrote: 80, thou mechanical but
ter man Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

He asked a Cincinnati belle il
there was much refinement and
culture in that city, and she re-
piled: "You just bet your boots
we're q cultured crowd."-Free
Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"Cause there's only two seconds
in it," Verdict of accidental death
caused by sudden increase of sala-
ry.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The Syracuse Herald family
complains because there is no
clause in the game laws to prevent
house hunting.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

II am always COOL" was the
boastful remark of Robinson; IL
never forget myself" And with
one voice the boys said, "No, we
never knew you to-" And a sweet
smile lighted with heavenly efrul-
gence every face.--Boston Trans
cript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

If ship arrives in port a second
late they dock it.-New York
Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

A few steamboat mates might be
able to stop the crevasse without
much trouble. The engineers
dams are too weak.-New Orleans
Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The man who sells sieves is in
the holesale business.-Steuben-
vile Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"Make q minute Of that duel,
Mr.. Shearer," said the chief TO the
news editor. "Can't do t." re-
Piled the subslterp. "Why not :"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

To parties who are unable to ex-
press their feelings, we would sug-
gest the matter of sending them
by freight.-Keokuk Constitution.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

When a woman wants to be pretty
she bangs her hair, and when she
wants to be ugly she bangs the
door.-Isabella County Enterprise.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"Another old settler gone !" ex-
claimed the cook when she tossed
the egg-shell out of the coffee-pot
on moving day.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Iron has gone up so high that
poor people can not afford to have
it in their blood now.-Middle-
town TRANSCRIPT.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05
Blowing,

Thrashing around.
Filling the eyes full of pulverized ground
Beautiful spring with its opening buds,
House-cleaning troubles, torn carpets and suds
Oh give us one crack at the people who sing
The metrical glories of beautiful spring.
Brooklyn Eagle
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The good conveyancer is known
by his deeds.-Philadelphia Chron-
cle-Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Detroit has "gum socials. ."-Bos-
ton Post. You needn't go unless
you chews.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

"You're a man after my own
heart" as the blusbing maiden
confessed when her lover proposed
marriage.-New York News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

line 'S
Local Notices, ten cents per line each insertion.
and all notices continued for three months a.
longer, "A discount of 20 per cent.
Advertisements unaccompnnied nv written or
verbal directions will be published three month
Advertisements, under contract, ordered ont be .
fore expiration OF time, will be charged full RATES
No paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid, except at the option Of the publisher.
Transient advertisements must be paid in "a :
vance
pS6- Terms. CASH. payable quarterly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

Oil the spring, the beautiful spring,
OF all the four seasons the cussedest thing;
Over the house tops it whistles aud rolls;
Over the people and telegraph poles,
Raining,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

Forced politeness-bowing
necessity.-New York Graphic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

The monarch of the seize the
sheriff. e a
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05
THE

THE
III ew Eorlz One Price
CLOTHING HOUSE.
Every Article
In store is marked in plain figures
W. Shall
Not msepresent goods o any customer.
Young Boys
Can purchase of safe rs expert buyers
Our Stock
Is all new and complete.
Read for Yourself
What each article IS marked
Know Ye ALL
way.
Only One
Price asked and taken.
No Deviation
Will be allowed
Every Body
Will be treated alike.
Perseverance will be motto
Right Opposite
The Post Office in Alpena
Inspect
Stock, and compare prices.
Cordially Inviting
All to call us, promise that
Every Attention
Will be shown they call to learn prices
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

~ Beware OF imitstions See that TIE nsnS a !.
"; h,1sman ir ~ the glass Of The hstfiS
ana az ~ ~ drass'''s end dsalR Psins ~, -.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05
WM. Il. MAIDEN, M. ID.

PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, GYNECoLoGIsT
&C., Late Asst. Surgeon u. s. Army; Examining
Surgeon for u. s. Pensioners, and all the princi-
pal Life Insurance Cos. Residence and Office on
Second St., nearly opposite the Union House.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-05-05

IN. nss received re- the endorsement ana rrconm>,S.-
uon OF emmlnent hysicians and seirsa;ss ~.
everywhere IL has been insrodnced' -
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09
MIssIoNARY's DEATH. - ALDER,

A MIss1oNARY's DEATH. - Albert
Bushnell. the well-known Congrega-
tional missionary who died last month
in Africa, visited his native place,
Rome, New York, about year ago, for
the first time since 1874. This entire
visit to this country extended over
many months. Mr.. Bushnell was on
his way back tv Africa, and had reached
Sierra Leone, when he died. During
the visit he was taken ill and it is said
he then expressed wish that when he
died it might be in Africa, and his ILL
ness for this reason fastened his re-
turn. His death took place only a few
hours after he landed. With him on
his first voyage years ago Mr.. Bushnell
had companion who died before Al
RIGA was reached. LII 1916 he married
in Africa a young lady who also had
gone out as missionary, but she died
within a year. Nine years afterward
he married again, and during his late
visit he celebrated his silver wedding
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09
A Western Editor.

Mr.. Murat Halstead, editor, Of the
Cincinnati Commercial, is accurately
described by our contemporary. the
Graphic, as "a tall, powerful, hand
some man with big hesd, ard big
heart and . big voice, with kindly
manner, who could not be long in one
place without becoming the center of q
group. He is ole of the finest-looking
men in the country, and knows it.
Five feet eleven and half inches tall,
he b broad enough to deceive one as
to his hight. His face shows that he
lives we'll. and enjoys it. The eyes are
bright and quick, with q twinkle of
hnmor in them oftener than not, and
his almost white " ustache and imperial,
which SAVIOR of the military, and belle
his years, might make him look fierce
were it not for constantly recurring
and anything but savage smile, and u
not quite soldierly tendency of his
hands toward his trousers pockets. But
he can use his hands on occasion to
better purpose than slowing them in
his pockets, as his keen pen is wit
ness, and Cincinnati roughs have had
reason to learn. He il an ugly man
to wake up and AN awkward man in
a row. as q friend said of him. He
is powerful, strikes heavy, savage
blow, and makes the fight hard one,
but that done, he is through. He is
not good hater, and IL soon over it,
forgetting it all ,:and bearing no malice.
He is as big and generous As he looks,
One of his generous impulses was
shown at the time of the Chicago fire.
When the Tribune Office went, he did
not stop to ask what the need was or to
telegraph au offer. The COmme' cal al
ways keeps on hand, in the vault of u
bank, a font Of type, distributed in
the cases, the cases being screwed to-
get in skies, to protect the type, and
for easy handling. This was at the
Tribune service, and, Said the edi-
tor of the latter, cup he Came post
haste on the first express, with ton of
type with him, all in its cases.
and said, in his jolly way, Il
knew you'd want it, Twenty.
four hours after the offi;e had been
burned we were on cur feet, and all
that type was flying into the sucks. He
wouldn't hear Of payment, and never
took cent for it.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

CoNGREssMEN DANCING.-At the Ia
macona ball in Washington the veneer
able Senator Hamlin and the white
bearded Senator Johnston, OF Virginia
undertook to enjoy themselves as well
as the young people. "The set," says
correspondent of the Syracuse Jour-
nal, was made up for the new Cen
tennial lancers, and neither the Vir-
gina Senator nor his partner were ac-
auainted with the dance. Soon the in
trlcacies OF the movement proved too
much for them. Senator Hamlin, who
is completely au fat in the terpsicho-
rean art, became evidently annoyed;
and the lady, quick to perceive the con-
fusion caused by her inexperience,
stepped out of the figure to beg anoth-
or to take her place. No sooner said
than done, and the dance was carried
successfully through. 1t is said that
Hamlin will not need to take lessons III
the new hop waltzes, but that he can
still trip the light fantastic toe with the
best of them"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

LoNGFELLow AT HoME.--He dresses
in suit of black broadcloth, and is
very much of a democrat. A charm
ing convorsationalist, he has drawn
many dear friends to him. He has a
marvellous faculty of putting one quite
at his eAse. Rising early, he takes a
comparatively light breakfast, and. if
the day is bright, INDUCES in a walk
for several hours, varying his route
daily. His rambles sometimes lead him
to that great city of the dead, Mount
Auburn; occasionally he visits Cam
bridgeport, and once in great while
he walks to Boston to see his friends or
his publishers.
He calls ON his printers every day or
two when he has anything to put in
type and receives or returns proofs of
his works. The winters he spends in
Cambridge and the summer in his cot
tsge ut Nahant. His carriage is erect,
and there is little in his manner to
suggest his poem Morituri Saluta-
mus" The warmth of his love is Law
ished upon his children, who are all in
all to him. Indeed, few men enjoy the
company of those about them daily as
does Mr.. Longfellow.-Phi!. Press.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

DR.. Busch, in his latest volume of
Bismarckians, tells an extremely good
story of way the chancellor has to rid
himself of people who stay too long.
"You must have many tiresome visits"
said Lord Odo Russell to him one day
when he had called. "How do you
manage to rid yourself of bores?"
" Oh, it is very easy" replied Bis
marck. "My wife always knows the
people don't care to waste time over,
and she invariably comes in in the
most apropros manner to disturb the
interview" Hardly had the words
left Bismarck's lips when the door
opened and the princess appeared and
gave a practical demonstration OF the
system by remarking, after bowling to
the British ambassador: Pray don't
forget, dear Otto, that you have some
medicine to take to-day"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

Figaro has new version OF the fable
of the dog who saw his visage reflected
in the brook which is more applicable
to modern life than the original. A
dog, carrying stolen beefsteak in his
mouth, comes to limpii stream which
r. fleets surrounding objects as clearly
AS mirror. Perez iv.ug the reflected
image of himself, he thinks OF selzing
the piece of meat it holds, which he
supposes to be real, but concludes that
it would be more prudent first to de-
YOUR his own piece. Then he looks
again in the stream. The reflected dog
has nothing in his teeth, and expresses
the satisfaction Of contented stomach.
"Ha says the dog, that fellow had
the same idea / had" And he runs
away laughing.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09
Lord Byron.

Among the letters winch Lord Byron
wrote to friends in England during bis
first tour abroad. one dated ut Athens
in Novemb Der, 1910, and not given by
Moore, was recently published Tor the
first time. He had left England soon
after the O. r lglIsh Bards came out,
and on his return brought with him
the first two cautos vi "ChIlde Har-
old" Iu this letter he says !: MY
works are likely to have u powerful Ell
feet with u vengeance, as | hear of di-
vers angry people whom it is proper
shouli shoot at by way OF satisfaction.
Be it ST.. The same impulse which
made 'Othoa warrior will make me
one also. My domestic affairs being,
moreover, considerably deranged, my
appetite for travelling pretty we'll
various hopes in this world almost ex
satiated with my late peregriuatlons, my
tlnct, aud not very brilliant III the next.
l trust l shall go through the pro-
cess with q credltable sung frOid, and
not disgrace hue of cut-throut ances-
tors" He alludes to the fact that he II
'sahappily not married." and IN speak
ing of the mari age of his friend
Drury, he says he will never forgive
matrimony "for have spoiled such al
excellent bachelor" Byron was not
married until five years later. The
death of his mother occurred just after
he reached England, and while he was
on his way from London to Newstead.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

Mr.. William knighton writes to the
Times: During the early part OF this
year was in the Holy Land. Every
where, from Dan to Beersheba, | saw
evidence of the renewed energy and
activity of the Jewish race. As peo-
pie the Jews are fockiDg back to the
land of their forefathers III great num-
bers from all the countries of Europe.
In Jerusalem and its neighborhood
particularly, every plat of ground for
sale is eagerly bought by them"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1880-04-09

Near Sebastopol the pedestal Of a
bronze statue has been dug up. 1t is
covered with Hellenic inscriptions be-
longing to the second century before
the Christian era.