Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1880-11-04
THURSDAY, NOV, t, 1880.
A Little Lecture by an Old Maid of
the World

deal easier to get into it than to get
out again. There are thousands of
ways for the former; but as for the lat
ter, it can't be done, no ways, Take
my advice, my dears never believe
man before marriage. and never trust
him after it. If men, my dears, we're
TO pay, like servants, for everything
they broke, they wouldn't be SO fond
Of breaking their hearts for every
pretty girl they saw. The fortune of
Rothschild couldn't stand, my dears,
against such ruinous amount of
breakages. Why, | have known a
mans heart to break as often as an
American bank, and yet he would open
the next day with the same brass plate
on his face, on which you colud plain
" read assurance, and his heart
would go on issuing the same amount
of false notes as before Besides,
what becomes of all their broken
hearts, | should like to know? Where
do they all so to? Along with the old
moons, | suppose, or they may be
keeping company, there's no knowing
where, with all the pins that are lost.
each heart being stuck through with
pin, like the curious insects in a muse
UNI. There is no need to tell you, |
am sure, my dears, about choosing
husband. A womans instinct gener-
ally guides her in those little matters.
But this | will tell you, that hus-
: bands differ as much as geese; but the
softest mind is not always the
worst. The softer your husband, the
more pliable you will find him; and all
the easier for you TO twist him round
your little finger. If husbands trust
cd more to their wives and less to
themselves, there would be more hap
py marriages; but until they learn
what is due to our sex, and are fully
prepared to pay it, that happy balance
will never exist in household which,
to the husband, should be the source
of as much Joy as large balance is at
his bankers; but at present the wife
Is not allowed to have any share or in
terest in the one or to participate in
the other will conclude, my dears,
with giving you few rules with re-
gard to the choice of husbands in gen
cral; and though, my dears, have
never yentured on the stormy seas of
matrimony myself (hero the fair lee
turer's voice slightly trcmbled with
emotion), still | have watched from
this haven of singls-blessedness many
Of the squalls and breezes that have
taken place on them. and have derived
no small knowledge from the numer-
Gus shipwrecks / have witnessed in
consequence of them, and this know
ledge [ am only willing to impart to all
those who are anxious to embark for
the United States.
[ shall confne my observation, my
dears, to the small circle of my exper
ienco of men, such as ] have studied
round the tea table If man wipes
his feet on the door mat before coming
into the room, you may be sure he will
make good domestic husband. If a
man puts his handkerchief on his
knees while taking his tea, you may be
sure he will be a prudent husband. In
the same way always mistrust man
who will not take the last piece of
toast, but prefers waiting for the next
warm batch. 1t is not unlikely he
will make greedy, selfish husband,
with whom you will enjoy no ''brown"
at dinner, no crust at tea, no peace
whatever at home. The man, my
dears, who wears overshoes and is
careful about wrapping himself well
before venturing into the night air,
not unfrcquently makes good invalid
husband that mostly stops at home
and is easily comforted with slop. The
man who watches the kettle and pre-
vents it boiling over, will not fail, my
dears, in his married state, in exercis-
ing the same care in always keeping
the pot boiling The man who does
not take tea, ill-treats the cat, takes
snuff and stands with his back to the
fire, is brute whom [ would not ad-
wise you, my dears, to marry upon any
consideration, either for love or money,
but most decidedly not for love. But
the man who, when the tea is over, is
discovered to have had none, is sure to
make the best husband. Patience like
his deserves being rewarded with the
best of wives and the best of mothers
in law. My dears, when you meet
with such man, do your utmost to
marry him. In the severest winter he
would not mind going to bed first.