The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-05-11
Match Hunting.

Most people have no doubt observed at
one time or another, and perhaps at various
times during their lives, that matches not
made in heaven, viz: lucifcrs arc very often
apt to come up missing, or else prove worth
less ut the most critical juncturcs If you
arc married man and the father of child
ren, your opportunities for observation In
this line have been, like kind Of paper,
manifold. 1t is during the cold and frost v
hours of Il winter night that the interview
ing of the family match safe is generally
accompanied by the greatest amount of iii
luck, aud, unless you are careful by pro-
family.
About 9 o'clock, Il. m., on winter night
your wife wakes you with u shake and
yclls:
"John Henry, strike q light, the baby has
Turning over in bed you reach for the
match safe at the head of the bed, and find
ii empty. This is great disappointment
to you, but you say nothing. Meantime
your wife speaks again:
John Henry, will you ever get light |
This child will choke TO death"
With one bound you are out of bed and
the next moment with arms outstretched in
front, you run full tilt against the edge of
the sitting rom door, which stands about
half way open. Such little incidents are
good for you. They start the sluggish
blood from the nose which you have bruised
on the door, and disciple you in the art of
holding your temper. TO render the dis
ciplinc greater your wife laughs in sup
pressed manner at your misfortune. Finally
reaching the dining room you plunge wildly
for the place where the mat ch safe is usually
kept, and find it not. Then your ovcr-taxcd
patience begins to flow away, and you say,
mildly, Of course:
'Angcline, where Is the match safe?"
SIN its usual place, my dear" she re-
plies.
'I don't find it,"
''Fecl around on the tioor Perhaps the
children have knocked it down."
Then you get down on your knees and
'fccl.' just as you have run Il needle into
your finger and are about to express your
self IN positive and forciblc language, your
wife says:
"Oh, l think the match-sare is in the
bookcase, where l put it yesterday to keep
1t out of the way OF Jennie"
Another effort and the book case is
reached, opened, and the match-safc found
at last. IT contains two matches. With
y
of the shelf in the case. 1t fails to ignite.
You have tried the wrong end, you think
You essay another effort with the other end.
~ dull rasp is heard but no fire is struck.
''Who under the sun uses matches and
puts them back into the snfc again Z" yOu
calculate.
No answer from the bed room.
Grasping the last match. you ascertain
hn f. n1i hot 10
cnaoiated specimens, about as thick as u
piece OF paper. You "scratch"i it carefully
and hopefully. 1t breaks in two as it
ignitcs and the sulphur falls to the floor
with tizZ and sputtor, the fumes filling
your lungs. At this important iuncturc
your wifcs dulcct tones arc again heard:
'John Henry Frcinghuysen, what under
the canopy arc you about Havcyou fallen
asleep out thcrc2"
"Oh, yes, I've fallen asleep. have.
l'vc fallen asleep ont here, with my knees
Knocking together, with the cold To
morrow III buy two gross of matches.
One gross III pile up in the bed room and
the other gross Pl open and place the
boxes all around the house, so that a fellow
can find anything he wants in this house /"
Then you make desperate rush for the
kitchen and find box full Of mat chcs the
the first time trying. Lighting a lamp you
prepare to fix up a dose for the Group, when
the last straw is laid on the cancels back
by your better half, who says:
''Never mind, now, John, | guess the
baby hasn't the Group after all, for she has
fallen asleep again"
Then, after making a mental VOW to
keep light burning every night tho re-
maindcr OF the wintrr Won shake the stovn
down, and in a fit of Observation-Disclosures
blow out the light and retire.
This performance is a matchcss one,
when well executed, and is capable OF
countless variations.