Connecticut western news., 1880-10-06
WIT AND WISDOM.
THE fat of the land-Petroleum.

IF YOU wish to take care of your health, take air.
 IN THE sorest trials God often makes the sweetest discoveries of himself. WHEN friend corrects fault in you he does you the greatest act of friend ship.
 THE heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always first to be touched by thorns.
 THE impecunious man who married an heiress, always speaks of her as "cap- ital" wife.
 WE ARE told that the doctors are daily discovering new diseases. Let's abolish the profession.
 THE tramp is always cowardly, and nothing pleases him better than to strike bed when it's down.
 Ir IS the little things which tell. Throw shot at mans window, and he is as mad as if you threw beans. ...
 CORN is the worst used of all the cere- als. No matter how fruitful it is, it is only grown to have its ears pulled.
 THE greatest evils in life have had their rise from something which was thought of too little importance to be attended l to.
 CONSISTENCY may be @ jewel, as has been reported; but no capitalist has yet been found willing to lend money on it.
 "NEvER mistake precipitation for in- spiration," said an old minister in his charge to young pastor just being or dained.
 GRAcIE's first experience in eating a peach. "I've eaten it, cloth and all, mamma now what shall do with the bone?"
 IF THE yoke and the burden are easy and light, how strong and beautiful must be the sceptre and the crown and the throne.
 A LITTLE girl sent out to hunt eggs came back unsuccessful, complaining that '1ots of hens were standing round doing nothing"
 THOSE who, without knowing us, think or speak evil of us, do us no harm it is not us they attack, but the phantom of their own imagination.
 WE HAVE just read handkerchief Irritation code, and advise all man desir- ing to avoid breach of promise suits to wipe their mouths with their coat-tails. | CAMPING out in @ canvas tent during one's vacation is like kissing pretty girl at a candy scrape-you have good time, but you come out of it rather the worse for wear.
 How TO CURE an imprudent attach ment-Materfamilias "What is to be done, my dear? He positively dotes on her." Paterfamilias: "Well, we must try to find him antidote."
 WREN, on some of your journeys you stop at wayside inn and ask for dinner be little wary of the landlord who briskly replies, "Yes, I can give you as good as we have ourselves"
 IT IS now the style in France for we'd ding ceremonies to last three days; and it Is said the Chicago girls are thinking about adopting the custom, and thus postpone the time for divorce.
 A SAN FRANCISCO man has been indict- ed for snoring. It was shown that his nose could be heard clear across the street and that on certain nights he had kept as many as ten persons awake.
 ODE LAwD," says @ colcred preacher, "made each one fur speshul purpose, an de chap who was created to use Q shovel, will git busted ebery time he be- lieves dat he was cut out for states man."
 IN SOME rural districts people who live there will trample over wild flowers for years, but if stranger happens to pluck bouquet they will ask for some of it, as if wild flowers were revelation to them Almost every gatherer of wild flowers has had this experience. A GAsooN and Provencal were bragg , ging of the fertility of their respective provinces: "At Bordeaux" said one, "you drop match in field, and the next year you have forest Y An 7 Now, at Marseilles you drop brace l button, and a week after you see a pair r of trousers in its place ]" .r= A CINCINNATI clergyman recently paid his affectionate respects to the class of men that will spend $50 for carriage hire at wife's funeral, but never spend a dollar for riding when the poor woman is alive. These parsimonious persons will probably respond by asking how they could have any money to spend ii they did not save it. ' "WEnn, I'm getting about tired of this
 ere life," said an ultra specimen of the , genius tramp. "Going half-starved one r day and drenched to the skin another sleeping one night in barn, the next f night under hedge, and the third in the lookup; this life isn't what it used
 to be. Tell yer what it is, boys, if I
 wasn't for the looks of the thing I'd go :. to work" &
 CuRRAN once said to Father Leary
 "I wish, Reverend Father, that yor were St. Peter, and had the key o 2 Heaven, because then you could let ms 7, in." The witty priest saw the sarcasm
 and turned its sharp edge on the skep v tic by replying: "By my honor ant conscience, sir, it would be better fo you that I had the keys of the othe s place, for then could let you out" @ A LADY took her ten-year-old boy to n school. The teacher listened to all sh,