The Indianapolis leader. (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1879-1890, 1880-07-03
MR.. SPARKER'S CONVENTION.


When I called to see Mr.. Sparker, the
plumber, with reference to certain repairs
needed in my bathroom, the servant girl
said he was not well / went into the par
lor to see him. Obviously he was not well.
He was living upon the sofa with his head
bandanged with ice upon his left eye; with
three or four slashes of sticking plaster on
his face, and with his left arm in sling
Looked almost like a complete ruin. When
he saw me with his uniced eye he looked at
me for moment, and then shut it and
groaned.
"What's the matter. Sparker?" / asked.
His reply was indstinct, but 1 understood
him to say something about having been en-
gagged in saving the country"
Just then Mrs. S2arker came in, and she
began to tell me about it.
sDreadful, isn't it?" said Mrs. Sparker
"You know Willie never took any interest
in politics, and the impression seemed to
have gained ground that he is a Democrat,
when really he is Republican. And so whep
they came to him the other day and asked
him to go as. a delegate to the Birdsboro Con-
vention, he said he would. Never had the
least idea it was to be a Democratic Conven-
tIon-did you, Willie.
Willie shook his head mournfully, and
sighed.
There two wings of the party in the Con-
vention, 1t seems-the Jones wing and the
Tompkins wing. The Jones wing had OBJ
tanned possession Of the hall and resolved not
to admit the Tompkins wing. So Colonel
Bangs asked Willie if he would serve as
door-keeper until the Convention organized,
and Willie said he would. And when he
took charge of the door, Colonel Bangs told
IL Id ,ho haI ntf
pink ticket. Pink wasn't 1T, Wlllief'
Eyes, pink" said Willie, In a faint whis-
per.
Sand pretty soon about twenty men came
rushing up the stairs and said they were
going in Willie demonstrated with them
mildly, but just as he was explainingto them
the necessity for procuring pink tickets four
men seized him and put him the banis-
tiers. He slid down two pair of stairs be-
fore he could stop. He nearly broke his arm,
and was badly bruised, but he went up stairs
again and found the Tompkins wing engaged
in q riot with the Jones wing. 1t was a
brick thrown at Colonel Bangs that cut his
scalp open. l believe it was brick, Willie
wasn't it?"
Mr.. Sparker slowly, and evidently with
pain, nodded his head.
$50 he hid behind bench, and when at
ton was called to order, Colonel Bangs nom-
mated him for temporary Chairman, and
whispered to him to make speech in favor
of Hancock. Willie rose and was just say
ing something about Hancocks noble conduct
in signing the Declaration of Independence,
when one of Colonel Bangs friends seeing
the mistake pulled him down suddenly by
the coat-tail The Jons( fling thought some
ofthe Tdinpkins wing had knocked him down
and they flew at the Tompkins wing. Willie
crouched on the floor When the war was
over three men were lying wounded, right
on top of him, and splinter from one of the
benches was sticking in the calf of his leg.
The Jones wing won, though. l understood
it was the Jones wing, wasn't it, dear?"
Eyes" said Mr.. Sparker with an effort, as
if utterance caused him anguish.
"And Colonel Bangs then had him put on
the Committee on Resolutions, and he went
out with the Committee to draw up a platform.
The first plank referred to the finances Mr.
Stiles, OF the Committee, was in favor of soft
money Willie advocated hard. So, after
some warm debate, Mr.. Stiles flew at Willie
and threw him over, and sat on him, and
pulled his hair to persuade him to agree to q
soft money plank, and bit his nose and showed
him the question in different lights. While
Mr.. Stiles held Will1e's nose, Willie felt that
he would gladly surrender all his financial
convictions if Mr.. Stiles would let go; didnt
you, Willie?"
Mr.. Sparker did not respond verbally, but
he looked unutterable things with his Olsen
gagged left eye.
$50 Willie agreed to the soft.money plank
but when he rose from the floor he said ht
was a man of peace who would take any
amount of pains to avoid trouble, but unless
the resolution contained an Endorsement o
Grant for third term, he could not con
scientiously support them Makingthe remark
that he must be crazy, the Committee pick
ed him up and threw him into the hall. By
this time Willie was excited, and he wen
on the platform,,to express to the Convention
his sense of outrage He began by saying
he was for Grant first, last, and all the time
but he had hardly got the words out of hi
mouth before the whole Convention flew a
him. Colonel Bangs came forward and askec
for suspension of opinion for few mo
ments. Then he said to Willie, Are you
Democrat and Willie said, No, I'm
straight ont Republicaa The next momen
Colonel Bangs kicked Willie right off tn
platform into the midst of the Tompkin
ring. That's the way Colonel Bangs behave
to Willie; didn't he darling?"
Mr. Sparker groaned and put fresh ic
upon his dilapidated eye.
"And the Tompkins wing they cuffed hin
and kicked him over to the Jones wing, VIII
kicked him back again, and the Commute O
Resolutions came out and helped to NUT
late him, and finally three Tompkins me
dropped him out the front window. III
fell on an awning and was brought down
policeman; who went up after him
ladder. He home on a shutter, an
while he was coming the Commute o
Resolutions put into the platform fires
plank in which they alluded to the diabolc,
attempts of the Grant third -termers to tran
pie with characteristic treachery upon th
liberties of the people by sending an infan
GUS spy into the councils of the Democrat
party TO defeat the schemes of the Democrat
for saving the Republic from imperialism
The Tompkins wing and the Jones win
shook hands over that resolution. But
course, it was all mistake. Willie new,
dreamed it was Democratic Convention, d
you Willie2"
Mr. Sparker sheok his head.