The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1880-08-20
COMICALITIES.


Apart and both together;
OF broiiing days, which last a week,
As long spell OF weather.
Those books, 90 far o. can see,
In spelling weather do agree
Quite well with one another;
The only spells that can ind
Are whether, wether, weather.
A VERY popular shade for the summer
is the shade Of the trees.
No photographer can carry ON his
business without little son.
FARMERS have learned that it takes
the best of soil to raise mortgage.
"TAKE care" says an exchange.
Well, take it in small doses if you must.
THERE are three feet in yard. This
does not apply to school house yard at
recess.
IT is all well enough to say, "Take
things as they come, " but suppose they
don't come.
The world owes no man living, but
it gives him good breakfast just before
he is hanged.
ONE hair in the hash will cause more
hard feeling than seven notices on the
wall can overcome.
A WOMAN cannot become successful
lawyer. She il too fond of giving her
opinion without pay.
WHEN the phonetic spelling comes
into us it will be rite in order to rite rite,
to rite rite, rite.-AndreW's Queen.
SUGGESTION Gratis-Chapging the
name of some of our popular resorts
from "water to "liquOring" places.
A BUTCHER can sell the forequarters of
lamb, and yet have two quarters of it
left.
A MASSACHUSETTS, minister closed his
sermon, preached to the children with
"Boys, love your country, your God
and your girl"
"ANoTHER man overheard" rs the
landlady remarked when the dead-beat
skipped OH Saturday night without pay
ing for his weeks board.
ONE thousand American ministers are
in Europe getting ready to open their
sermons by remarking: "When was
in--"-Ne,V HavenRegister.
"How many deaths ?" asked the hos
pital physician, while going his rounds.
"Nine." "Why, ordered medicine
for ten" eyes, but one wouldn't take
it."
A MODERN novel has this thrilling pas
sage: "With one hand he held her
beautiful golden head above the chilling
wave, and with the other called loudly
for assistance"
THERE is a fortune in store for the
genius who shall produce a boiler iron
shoe for the small boy. Something war
ranted to last two weeks is what is want
ed-BOstOn Transcript.
CDR. TANNERS experiment." says the
Taunton Gazette, sis not new. 1t has
been tried hundreds of times by the
gullible editor who tries to publish a
four-page paper in a one-page town.
THEY told grandfather Blimpkin that
old Mr.. Jones was dead. "Ah, WE'LL"
said he resignedly, GIVE noticed that
people have been dying ever since can
remember. "-!Steu6enviiie Herald.
MARK TWAIN thinks that every steam
boat should be compelled to carry in
conspicuous place the following notice:
"In case of disaster do not waste prec-
ious time in meddling with the life-boats;
they are out of order"
every gritty this salad" said friend
to Douglas Jerrold one day when they
were dining together, "don't you think
SOP" GRITTY" repeated Jerrold, Grit
ty! Why, I call it a gravel path with
only few weeds on it."
A COW with seven arrows sticking in
various parts of her body was seen run
ming at large near West Chester the
other day. 1t is supposed that the West
Chester Archery Club was practicing at
a target in the neighborhood. NORRIS
torn Herald.
The Rev. Mr.. W.-paid his devoirs
to lady who was prepossessed in favor
of Mr.. Psalter. Her partially being
very evident, the former took occasion to
ask, in room full of company, Pray,
miss, how far have You got in your
Psalter ?" The lady archly replied, Gas
far us Blessed is the man."
THEY begged him to play little. He
seemed to feel bashful Mt first, but after
n while he began to play vigorously.
"What power!" said listener to the
owner of the piano. eyes," exclaimed
the latter, in alarm, "he seems to have
considerable muscle; but he ought to
know that this isn't gymnasium"
SHARKS are very numerous ut eastern
watering places this season, and visitors
cannot be too careful. A Chicago belle,
while bathing ut Atlantic City the other
day, stepped into what Is known as o
"shark rest "a little cavity in the sandy
bottom of the ocean-which contained
three of the dreadful monsters. One
escaped, but the other two were fatally
crushed.
CHA, how are you? Where have you
been this month past?" GIVE been laid
up, sick-not been out side of my bed
room door for more'n three weeks"
"Dear me; and what was the matter
with You? Something serious, it must
have been" "Oh, no, it was q very
little thing, but then was treated by
very big doctor. "-Sunday World.
The Galveston tramp continues to
wrench admiration from all admirers OF
cheek. This time he wanted a good
square meal. The gentleman said:
"Why don't you do like Mr.. Tanner
doesP Get fat on nothing but water"
"Sirrnh!" replied the tramp, sticking
his hand inside of his breast coat pocket,
edo you take me for ID mounte-
bankP" ..s
SUMMER at q restaurant-An old
colonel, at work ON a steak and fried
potatoes, was annoyed by disagreeable
odor. "Waiter," he cries, "where does
that smell come from?" Monsieur
alludes, perhaps, to the shrimps. They
are quite fresh. They have just arrived
from Cherbourg." hThe Deuce they
have. They came on foot. them
Paris Paper. ..... 81
Two of the best amateur piano players
of Galveston gave the anvil chorus the
other night at little social gathering.
After the applause had ceased one OF the
young ladies' said it was beautifully rem
dered eyes" said young man who
is not musical, sit brought tears to my
eyes. II reminded me so wildly OF the
time when I used to work in black
smith shop, with cooper shop next
door," ..tsa.s.
How absolute some people are in their
conversation. There is Smartington for
instance. Said Jones to him the other
evening, "Do you like dogs ?" Jones,
by the way, is lover Of the animal.
II never ate one, replied Smartington,
dreamily. "Well, who supposed you
did?" exclaimed Jones with impatience.
"If were to ask il you liked donkey,
now ?" he continued, with lingering
emphasis on donkey" Said Smart
ington ingeniously, ~ don't like you,
Jones'" ...-..
"Howare you, this morning, deacon?"
ooh, tolable, tolable." The deacon had
mat brought a nice load of three and