The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1880-04-09
FUNNY MISTAKES.
Tales of tEae Telegraph.

rs. A young German lieutenant, wound
id In the Franco-German war, went for
he healtil's sake to a quiet village in Vat
I'd where he found a sweetheart. BY t
lg time he had regained his health the p;
a was engaged; then came sudden order
as report himself at Berlin, an order he
IS course obeyed. Atfirst his disconsolate M
< RE was comforted by frequent letters full
le protestations Of love and constaney; but
fllne=sse,, u, The lieutenant piled his pt
le less ofasn and moderated its outporine
ii At lastl1e suffered six weeks to 60 Witho
hi T word. He was expecting a reproachf
ii reminder, when !. telegram arrived fro
t. the faithful girl, which may be-thus tran
e lated: Dear Fritz, / have just received
n letter informing me that my uncle, a mi
II llonarie in the East indies, is dead an
g that am his sole heiress.''
Fritz felt his love revive as he read. u
t applied for leave of absence, and was 500
q exchanging greetings with the swiss maiC
/ en- Though the coming of her lover file
5 her heart with joy, she could not refrai
from gently upbraiding him for his silence
Don't let us speak of it, dearest,'' re
= piled he. ''There is no longer any obsta
Gle to our union. The unexpected goo,
fortune which Providence has sent us ha
removed the objections of my parents:
fortune so colossal
''Fritz, interrupted Marie, edo not max
fun of me''
For answer the lieutenant drew her tele
gram out Of his pocket, and showed he
the words: MY uncle, amillionaire il
the East Indies, is dead''
The poor girl. dropping his hand, said
Dear Fritz, wrote, MY uncle, a miosirn.
drire.' He has left me all he had, which
is just a hundred and ninety-six francs 4
Fritz went back to Berlin, freed from
his engagement.
A somewhat suspicious feat of transmu-
tation was accomplished by an American
operator for the benefit of trader, who.
fortunate enough to overtake an absconding
clerk and obtain full restitution from the
seemingly repentent thief, telegraphed to
to his wife: 'EFound Galusha, hope better
things" She, reading, "Found gal shall
elope and get her things" she took the
next train for the scene of action.
/ A wiser course than that adopted bv the
wife of Boston clergyman, who arrived
home just in time to stay her as she was
going back to her mother,' after reading
telegram to her husband, running, ssThe
little darlings are doing well and looking
lovely; send money for their board;' and
it took all that clergyman's eloquence
to convince her that the little darlings
were couple Of frarely-bred pups he had
bought i'll New York, and left in charge of
a dog fancier.
The laugh, however is not always against
the ladies'. A noble lord, as proud and
fond as man should be of his young wife,
was just about rising to speak III debate,
when telegram was put into his hands.
He read it, left tho House, jumped into a
cab, drove to Charing Cross, and took the
train to Dover. Next day he returned
home, rushed into his wife's room, and
finding her there, upbraided the astonished
lady i'll no measured terms. She protested
her ignorance of having done anything to
offend him.
'"Then what did you mean bv your tele-
gram?" he asked.
'tMean? What said, of course. What
are you talking about?"
Read it for YOURSELF" said he.
She read: Il flee with Mr.. - to Dover
stright. Pray for me.''
For the moment words would not come
then, after merry fit Of laughter, the sus-
pected wife quietly remarked, go, those
dreadful telegraph people! No wonder
you are out of your mind, dear. I tele-
grapi1ed simply, 4 tea with Mrs. -, in
Dover Street. Stay for me.'''
King John of Saxony was prone to drop
ping in upon officials when they least ex-
pected him. One day he appeared at the
telegraph office Of a small station. The
clerk apprised his colleague at next station
Of the unwelcome visit, and before an ac-
of the warning came, was
called upon to enlighten the inquiring
respecting the business of his of
tice. Presently a message came along the |
wires, and his majesty desired to be ac-
quainted with its purport. He was told it
was unimportant, but was not to be put
off, and insisted upon the message being
to him; so the stammering clerk
had no choice but to regale the royal ears
with the German equivalent for, 'The
King pokes his nose into everything" If
King John was annoyed by the imperti-
nence, he had to thank himself for it
An old lady told an English station-mast-
81 she knew all about the composition of
electricity, and quite understood the secret
IF sending the messages; there was only
one little point that puzzled her, and that
was how the messages got past the poles.
A dro1l mistake was made by an imagin-
ative old dame who, having permitted a
telegraph pole to be placed on the top of
ler house, waited upon the chief of the tel
,graphic company concerned to complain
hat she could get no sleep ofa night,
oeing kept awake by the noise made by the
messages passing over her head.
II don't think, sir" said she, s'you can
,e aware Of all that's said along them
wires. There's deal that hadn't ought to
)e. [ can assure you, sir, that very much
hats said there, that have to lie and lis
en- to, is such as no decent woman ought
o hear: and L hope you will put a stop to
t.''
The amused gentleman was hardly able
o meet the accusation with due gravity; {
tut he did contrive to keep his countenanee {
While he Informed the old lady that the ]
-oung men who had hitherto worked the (
wires were under notice Of dismissal; and /
hat in future only young women Of great
would be employed, 50 there !
vould be no danger Of her pronriety being !
hooked any longer.
Welded love: "A True Incident. /
Make the bed easy, Mr., said old Un-
le Abe to the undertaken, who was pre-
,aring the coffin for his aged wife. MAKE
he bed soft and easy, for her old bones are
endei and soft, and a hard bed will hurt |
hem.' He forgot for nloment-that old s
,ray-haired nlanthat she was dead, that
he old bones had done aching forever
'ixty-four years had she walked BY his /
ide, d true and loving wife. Siaty-four. j
ears! Just think Of itin this age of di- !
.orce. sisty-four years had they dWelt 4
nder the same SORROWS of life, together
nourned over the coffin of their first born
ogether rejoieedin the prosperity of their