The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1880-09-09
WIT AND HuMOll.

The age of q policeman can not be
told by his rattles.
| A wag SAYS of toper: Ills nose
has passed the rubicund.
The selfish man cares for No /, and
| often no one cares for him,
Many inicklc makes a murkle, and
many q mr-'li make Mick i'll.
Text in little boys copv-book: at
is ferrulc that works both ways"
Paper, which is already high is
bound to go higher when kite time
comes.
Fashionable young men arc like
theatre bills. They are posted on tho
waltz.
"Decr at any pricel" yelled the hum
CRY traveller who ordered venison for
dinner.
When a man is rolling in wealth
his fortune is appropriately expressed
in round numbers.
When you have got through using
your puzzles give them to the poor.
We might get rid Of the poor some-
way.
The hornet and the mule are too
tender hearted to look upon suffering.
They always turn their back when
they strike. --'
"What is heavens Lest gift to man ?u
she asked, smiling swcetly OH him.
"a hoss," he replied, with prudence.
A familiar instance of color-blind-
ness is that of Il man taking brown
silk umbrella and leaving a green
gingham in its place.
.sThe darky's hour is just before the
dawn" remarked Sambo, when he
started out before day break to steal
young chicken.
Victor Hugo's last book is called
sToute la Lyre." Victor is old enough
to know that you can't tOOt the Tyre,
which is a stringcd instrument.
"Lic? well, guess he docs lie,"
said his neighbor Jones. "Why, he's
clock strike right in the house." saa
Play spades if you would win pota-
toes play clubs if you would deal
with a ruftian; play hearts if you
would win friendship; play diamonds
if you would win woman.
One hundred aud twenty-five boxes
of clothes-pins were included III the
Indian supplies last year. They were
intended to keep the Indians on tho
line OF their reservation.
One of those men who cheat others
on mining shares and make their liv-
ing by swindling, was shot dead in
Leadville. Death loves q mining
shark.
A married man bought a spring
chicken in the market the other morn
ing, and now he thinks the reason it
was called spring is because it will
take him till next spriug to carve it,
unless he uses nitroglycerine.
When Mrs. Belva Lockwood, the
Washington lawyer, asks a judge for
private interview, the latter, before
granting the request, makes her sign
paper declaring she won't attempt
to come any leap-yea tricks over him.
An Irish drummer who now and
then indulged in noggin OF poteen
was accosted by the reviewing grn-
eral "What makes your nose SO redf'
s'Plaze yer honor" replied Pat, Il
always blush when l spake to gin
eral officer"
A youngster, while warming his
hands at the fire, was renlons IRA tod
with by his father, who said: 60
away from the fire !; the weather is not
cold" 81 amt heating the weather,
Pm warming my ,nds," the little
fellow demurely replied.
An honest French farmers idea of
communism: "Aftcr ALL" says tho
friend who is explaining the subject
to him, 'if all the money owned in
France were to be put together and
equally divided your share would bo
only 5u5 francs, IS centines." "Well,"
says the honest farmer, "that with
what I have already wouldn't be so
bad!"