The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1880-08-21
FUNNYGRAPHS.

SYMPATHIzERs with soldier mendicants
should invariably present aims.
THE watermelon is like book. It
isn't red until it is opened.
STRANGE to say that while the mos
quito is on the wing he is always at
hum.
THE erection of the obelisk at Central
park will prove,to be put up job.-Nc1c
York Nc1Cs.
IT is all well enough to say "Take
things as they come but suppose they
don't come?
OUT In Wisconsin people who are too
poor to own horses are content to drive
hogs Boston Post.
REBECcA-Yes; you will always find
funny bone in the humor- wrist. ION
ker'S Statesman.
THE Rome Sentinel says that an ali
gator laughs when it hears that beauty
is only skin deep.
LITTLE Johnny: Mamma, can
give Carlo this lump of sugar ?" "No,
my child, it spoils the teeth; eat it your
self"
BURDETTE says they call locust tree
and high board fence and twenty-three
beer tables grove anywhere within
thirty miles of New York.
"CoUSTERFETrING," remarks the Dan
bury NcaCS, "has finally got down to
where it really concerns us. Bogus ten
cent pieces are afloat.
THE moon, like some men, Is the
brightest when it is full but, like them
again, it soon begins to lose its lustre
Boston Transcript.
AN exchange says that ton of gold is
worth about half a million dollars. We
give this for what it is worth; our time
has been SO taken up with politics, and
somebody has hidden away the scales.
The two urchilfs who played "escap-
mothers holiday dough-trough for life
boat, were lashed together.-Ne'o York
NcWS.
A SOUTHWESTERN editor, speaking of
large and fat contemporary, remarked
that if all flesh was grass, he must be a
load of hay. 81 expect / am, said the
fat man, g from the way the doukeys are
nibbling at me-
MARK TWAIN, speaking of new mos
quito netting writes: "The day is com
ing when we shall sit under our nets in
church and slumber peacefully, while
the discounted flies club together and
take it out of the minister,
WHAT are you shining around
after, said portly old Munnybag, as he
collided with young Sharp in front ofthe
Exchange. Well, said Sharp, as he
recovered from the shock. 81 think |
am more Skinned against than shin
ming"
:" IF you are a quiet, honest citizen,
how did these skeleton keys and brass
knuczles happen to be in your pockets
q reckon, Judge, me and the policeman
must have changed coats in the scuttlc.
We were very much excited "-Gu2rcs-
tom Nc1cS.
WHY is it that whisky straight VIII
make a man walk crooked ?-BoSioH
, (IEnhe Why ~ II . IIhsr. - - I,e,.o,,en
you drink it. Did you never think Of
that? You leave the whisky in the jug,
and it viii not make you walk crooked.
-NOrriStO1rn HCr0td.
( LAST Sunday gentleman went into q
drug store and happened to buy a piece
of soap. Cant sell anything but med
icines on Sunday" " But man alive.
don't you know that cleanliness Is next
to goodness = WELL | can't help it,
if it is" You don't half try, respond
ed the searcher for soap, rs he went out
without it.
SAL VOLATILE, female of free repute
and coarse tongue, was the subject of
revival by a travelling evangelist, and
was baptized in the river by immersion.
AS she came sputtering to the surface
wag of boy on the ban shouted, "How
do you feel, Sally?" "Oh, bully sand
she, "bully!
"WHAT shall preach about {? +" said a
minister to the pastor of a colored flock
which he was about to address. "Wcli,
mos any subject will be 'ceptable, WAS
! the reply, "only I'd like to glib you
/ word oh caution" "Ah, what is that
Well, if | was you ] tech very light
7 on the ten commandments" Indeed,
and Why" ooh, cos | hab notise dat
/ dey mos always hab a dampenin' effect
on the congregation.
"YoU don't seem to have made much
money by bringing your hogs down
! here" was remarked to n farmer who
had driven his hogs seven miles to town,
and then sold them for precisely what
was offered him before he left home.
"Well, no, said the agriculturist, pen
/ sivelv, q haint made no money, but
then" Frightening, "you know | had
the company of the hogs on the way
/ down"
I "HELLol when did you return?' ask
! Snopson of his friend Binns, whom be
met on the street. "Why-I haven't
been away" replied the latter. you
/ haven't?" incredulously asked Snopson.
"Why, you look SO worn out and near
1 dead that / positively thought you had
been away to one of the watering places
for a few weeks for the benefit Of your
health "-NO1TjstOaOn Herald.
Now that the political campaign i
about to commence, the business in GER
tain description Of hardware ought to IN
crease the demand for hammers aud
nails fol use when there is to be another
Gle nailed;" for spikes, when "the
enemys guns are spiked, and the ca1
for stores in which to keep "the o@
flame still burning" ought to be IN
mense. -BOStOn Commercial BuHt1h.
The Kingston Freeman says: There
was an entertainment given uptown one
evening not long since which was voted
''splendid, with ''heaps of fun, ''de-
Iightful time, exquisite, etc, and II
seems their principal amusement was r.
peating very fast the following:
As went IN the garden 1 saw five brave maid.
Slit ng five broad beds braiding broad nIa "a
I said TO these brave maids. sitting on NV