New-York tribune., 1880-02-15
AN ARCADIAN REVENGE,
A SKETCH OF ENGLISH SOCIETY IN 1870.
BY JAMES PAYN

cupy q position in tie country beyond my
talents, while you possess talents that are con-
siderabIy above what is necessary-ahem-to
a person of your condition of life"
This amazing speech was addressed to me
confidentially III the smoking-room of our COM
mon club one night, by Mr.. DOInOway-Dicke,
after we had dined together for the first time.
II WAS late in August the club was empty,
and / had invited him to join tables, though
I knew him to be an ass, rather than to dine
alone. The had man may take solitary meal
without moral damage, and even to the public
advantage, since the custom is unwholesome,
and tends to shorten lte but to the good man
it is harmful. His thoughts, constant as the
needle to the pole to what is pure and good,
are naturally attracted to himself, ana MS De-
nevolent actions, his excellent motives, MS
whole blameless career, pass ID review before
his ewes, and he becomes self-consclOus ana
self-complacent. Rather than Iun the rlsk OF
this. having ordered my own modest repast, L
locked up at Dornoway- -Dicke, who, with his
glass painfully fixed in his eye, was scanning
the same "limited carte" for the day. in doubt
(as | euessed) about the French dishes, and OBJ
served, "Shall we dine together" and he had
replied courteously, Charmed, am sure"
AS q matter of fact Mr.. Dornoway-Dlcke
was man not easy to charm; it was not I'D
Genius 0hOugh up to that date don't think
il had ever tried it) to do so and believe
even Beauty herself would have failed i'll the
attempt, unless she had had title to back
her.
Mr.. Dicke's weakness was for a lord; very
common one, of course, but in his case unus-
ually pronounced. His conversation was
studded with titles as the armament is with
stars; and he was in respect TO them what
Mr.. Carl lie, in relation to spiritual things,
calls terribly at ease in Zion; that is, ne was
shockingly familiar with earls and viscounts,
while as to baronets, he would refer to them
by their Christian names. To say that his
views upon all matters were commonplace
would have been lattering to his intelligence; /;
they were conventional TO subllmlty.
"Ghost stories are absurd" argues Colcridge,
"because, though men tell lis they have had
such an experience, if a man did really ever
see what he actually believed to be ghost,
idiocy would at once supervene" but hrmIy
believe that DOrnOway- -Dicke would have seen
a ghost without the least injury TO his intel
lectual powers; not because he was already
an idiot, but Independently of thaD because
SO unconventional a subject as the supernat-
ural had never entered his mind. II the ghost
had a title, then, indeed, an impression might
have been made but it would have been pro-
duced by his temporal not his spiritual lord
ship. In all matters which exercise the hu-
man mind, from theology to American bowls,
he took not the faintest interest; but L had
been informed-and warned-that upon the
subject of the dignity and position OF the
Dornoway-D Dicke family he could, and would,
be very dIffuse if you were not careful. He
was man in short to nod to, but not TO speak
with unless the means of escape were handy.
Still, late in August at London club one
cannot afford to be particular, and having such
strong moral reasons for not dining alone, had
to dine with DOrnOway- -Dicke.
There was one circumstance, however, which
really did attract me toward this gentleman,
and made me wish for a closer acquaintance.
1t was q much debated question in the club
whether he wore wig or not, ana wanted
TO solve it. If he did so Q0r even after din
ing with him | was not surc), they were the
hest wigs that ever were. | say wigs, be-
cause he must have had lots of them, for his
hair was sometimes short and sometimes long,
and sometimes just as it ought to be in the case
of fashionable young gentleman OF fifty
four. For there was this disadvantage about
the distinguished position of the DornOway-
Dicke family, that, being i'll the peerage-
though it must be confessed Ill very remote
and presumptive" fashiOn-the mans age
was known to a nicely. There was then this
point (as to his wig) to be cleared up, which
promised me some little excitement, and was
also curious 10 know whether he talked OF
the Landn as though il were alive, which 1
was assured he did. My information upon this
point, as it turned out, was correct. The one
supreme effort of originality which Mr. DOrno-
way-Dicke had made was to persOnify the
landed interest in this peculiar fashion.
"What the Land wants, sir" lie would OBJ
serve very slowly and maie>tically $50 that You
had plenty of time to suggest to yourself stop
dressing, ~" coprolites," and what nOD, what
the Land wants. sir" he always repeated this
charming phrase, " is fair play"
"The Land wanted so many things in the
course of our conversation at dinner that had
begun to think it somewhat exacting, and IN
deed to get a little impatient OF Mr. D0rno-
way Dicke himself. But ! am never, or at
least hardly ever, discourteous. and though
bored to extremity, like wooden ship exposed
to the action OF the teredO naUats, | endured
il as though r had been made of iron. i had
asked the nan to dinner, and in one sense had
certainly paid for it, so felt constrained by the
duties of hospitality to be civil till the meal
was over. When it was finished and we re-
paired TO the smoking-room had no such
scruple. "The vine," says the classic author,
sis the Evoker of Truth" and this is even
still more the case with the Cigar. Imagine
then my Indignation at that amazing remark
Of my companion, al, for example, occupy