Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1880-01-19

dear, is it really true the world was made
in six days?' Mamma" Yes, Ernie /;
and if God had pleased, he could have
made it in two days. Ernest latter a
moments consideration -"0h, mamma
that would never have done, you know /;
why. we should haze Sunday every other
day" % '4'-a..
An old Scotch lady was told that her
minister used notes, but would not believe
it. Said one, g Gang into the gallery and
see" She did SO, and saw the written
sermon. After the luckless preacher had
concluded his reading ON the last page, he
said, " But l viii not enlarge" The old
woman called out from her lofty position,
aye Gamma, we Gamma. for your papers give
out"
AT TWENTY.
A Irritation on The stair, q.
An unfamiliar care,
A tress Of golden hair
To put by.
A Thought wonder when
Sbyl firts with other men
Ii she bushes, smiles and thea
HeaYes a sigh"
AT FORTY. b. sHFft &
What is this some woman's hair
By Jove, how soft and fair
Whose is il? All swear
Quick aud pat
Tis Sibyls Why, to-day
She drove along our way;
She should drink, her friends all say,
Anti fat"
Country practltio ner Surprised at the
visit of notorious quack and pill-vender)
=" Well, what brings you here?" Quack
tevidently suffering from disturbed peris-
taltic action)-'t Well, sir, the fact is
felt rather queer, and" Country prac-
titioner-" Then why don't you take one
of your pearls of health?" Quack-
That's just it, sir | think I've swal
lowed one-by mistake. - Punch.
A very unscrupulous general dealer :"
belonging to Dundee was one severe winter
prevented from following his usual calling
of selling fish. He hit upon novel plan
for raising the wind. Taking a quantity of
hard, compressed snow, he spread thin
layer of soap over it, in the form of bars,
and went round the country selling the
article as the simon-pure at very cheap
rate. The dealer had good sale, netting
round sum, but the affair was considered
a very melting transaction.
Ethan Allen, whose misfortune it was to
have termagant for wife, had and de-
served reputation for courage of the
leonine kind, Some wags thought to
frighten him once, but they mistook their
man. One of them, arrayed in sheet,
stepped in front of him in the road one
dark night when he was on his way home
ward. Ethan stopped, looked at the
specter, and without moments hesitation
exclaimed eff you come from heaven,
don't fear you. If you are the devil, come
home and spend the night with mel
married your sister.
Twas in the autumn CIV utide
That John and Mary side by side
Sat listening 20 their heart-beats echo,
When still as death adown the stairs
Came the Old lady uuawarcs,
Just "a his arm was round her neck, Oh
wasn't there asudden departure?
Nov Haven Register.
The question rsked well answer L
John didn't gi. right up and git
And Mary didn't hOl.cr;
He simply said Sith quiet pleasure,
- I'm only taking Mary's measure
For u brand new ten cent collar
And she-well, she tee-heed, and said d" just-as-
sure-as / live-and breathe and hope to. die
fore t0-norrOw-ulgning-f faint true John
wasn't Kissing ;aeso-,totn"
TIE Chicago Tribune says that IS is a
big price to pay for poem, but that sum
was paid cheerfu.ly to Mr.. Tennysou for
the subjoined effort, entitled % Rural
Scenes -
Gently toe kline lowing,
Soft waves the golden grain
Quickly man is making
Tracks for the coming train
Silently fall the dew-drops
In the solemn eveutide;
Ready girl is getting ~
To take buggy ride
Soon will the mliden's lover
His arm around her slide,
While to his manly bosom
Her head will gently glide.
savagely bites the mosquito,
Merrily BUNDLES the bee
But all that the maiden sayeth
IS-once in while" Tel 80
Some time ago one OF Arkansas most
widely known statesmen, who is now dead,
was passing along street in Little Rock
when an old colorcd man, who had once
belonged to him, approached, took off his
hat and passed hand over his white wool,
as he asked:
80 Marster, gin de ole man fifty cent
Dan, you are n robber."
.'How?n asked the astonished darby
opening his ewes, around which rough-shod
age had walked.
Didn't you see me put my hand into
my pocket
Eyes, sab"
''Well, you old rascal, you rob me of
the pleasure of giving you money without
being asked.
The old man received dollar Bowling
almost to the ground, while tears came ont
and coursed through the age prints around
his eyes, he replied:
e" Marster, wild SIGH heart as you hab.
and wild Abraham and Isaac and de Lord
on your side, don't see what can keep
YOU ont of heaben"
Eypr oSIoNr oF A DIANoND AT n recent