The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1880-08-26
WIT AID HUIOR.

!" AID HU1oR. ...',.r
When two dentists aro partners. thiey
rare'y quarrel, they pull together. .
They've at last found use for al lalsks
1t Is to furnish . Job for 9 acensus-taker,
An indication Of Spring-A school
boy putting . bent pin in bis teachers
Some one inquiries: 'FWhere have ill
the ladies' 5elts gomez" Gone to waist,
long ago.
The mathematician who wished to
borrow some cash wrote: tsT will 42
ask for q t." 80. :: -:
Ought not the song in "Pinafore" to
garinecupw '..i .-"I
The glazier who was cheated. out of
ms pay complained that he only cot
his trouble for his panes.
They have Zulus on exhibition at
the London aquarium. The place il
assuming the character of . zulnloQical
garden.
A Kansas weekly publishes "four.
teen rules to be observed during 4 tor.
nado." Only one is necessary-Keep
out of the way.
With the supply on hand, it look.
% II mighty good business was BE-
Ing done when two sparrows are sold
for farthing:
Each cadet at West Point strenuous
1y denies having cut Whitaker's ears,
but the evidence show that he was cut
by all Of them.
Help from an unexpected quarter. a.
the tramp remarked when O twenty
hve cent piece was handed him by the
'')ady of the house."
"What are you writing such a bio
hand for, Pat?" "Why, you see thai
my grandmother is dafe, and I am writ.
ing loud letter to her"
"Please to understand" said the
honorable Billy, the other day, "Tm
not such fool as 1 look" mo-" said
Bob, "that would be too much.''
Professor in Veterinary Science-Mr.
s., to what class of animals does the
ass belong? Mr.. ST. think, professor.
1t belongs to the sophomore class.
A Savannah man invented a water.
velocipede, and thereby won the ever
lasting gratitude Of the shark, who
took in both inventor and invention.
There are two kinds of oranges
grown in this country one is the kind
that is good to eat, and the other il
the kind that is sold on the railway
trains.
A singular and unlocked for fatality
is just reported in the South American
war. A soldier in the Chilli infantry
was shot dead. The Peruvian soldier
who shot him was promptly arrested,
but explained that he was lust clean.
ing his gun and didn't know it was
loaded.
A famous fiddler told an extraor-
binary story, which, strange enough.
CHANGED to be true. sIt is SO extraor.
dinary;" said listener, "tllat if l did
not know it to Ike true should believe
it false" "Ah," said the narrator. "if
it had been false l should have told it
in O much more truthful manner than
l did,"
Charles Lamb says speaker should
not attempt to express too much, but
should leave something to the imagin-
alton of his audience, and he tells how,
being called Oh to return thanks for q
toast to his health, he rose, bowed to
his audience, said "Gentlemeu." and
then sat down leaving it their imagin-
alton to supply the rest.
Jones had engaged man to dig q
we'll at his suburban place. Seeing
him q month later, Jones asked how
he was getting along with his work,
and was told that the we'll was half
done. Judge, therefore, of his surprise
when a week after this conversation,
upon visiting the premises, he found
only circle marked in the earth. OF
course he hunted up the man, and asked
him what he meant by saying the we'll
was half done. The man very cody
replied $50 it is; "well begun is half
done, you know" -:
A BOSTON artist painted an oranpe
peel on the sidewalk 90 naturally that
six fat men slipped down on it.
WIEN dressed for The evening, the girls nowadays,
scaree IN atom Of dress oo than lesvs;
But dress that 10 suited for Eve7
A JOLLY, 5lun.mannered priest. on
being introduced to q physician, called
him dear brother "Dear brother T.
echoed the doctor, in surprise. "Why
notY asked the priest. "Do We not
both aid the sick to die p
IT is q well-established fact that q
healthy man requires about pint of air
ut breath; that he breathes about 200
times an hour, and that, as a matter be-
yond dispute, he requires about fifty
seven hogsheads of air in twenty.four
hours.
"MAM1A," says 4-year-old Minnie,
"what are We made off," "Dust, my
dear" replies mamma. Not long after
Minnie is heard instructing her younger
brother. "Do You know what We are
made OFF" abe asks. "No." "Wen,
now, I'll tell you, and you must alters
member it. We are made of sawdust /"
BEFoR1 the invention Of paper, many
devices were had recourse to for writing
materials; inscriptions were engraved on.
rock, and the letters filed up with lead;
they were also cut on prepared tablets OF
stone, Of which kind were the tables civ
en- to Moses, containing the ten COM
mandments. The Assyrians stamped
the impress OF their letters upon baked
bricks and cylinders Of clay, which were
afterward baked. The Greeks and
Romans used their wooden boards cov-
cred with . coating OF wax. They were
written upon with = metal stylus, and tho
writing could be easily effaced when no
longer needed Plates OF metal and thin
sheets OF ivory were also employed, and
the skins of animals, either in the form
Of parchment or in less-prepared state.
The leaves Of trees were used. Those Of
the talipot tree no still used in some
parts Of the East. The pspyzus on paper
reed, Of Egypt, super.eded ill other ma
terial, Whenever it could be obtained.
0et nef Qatch.
Now and then q customer who II i'm.
pertinent meets her match; q, foe in
stance, tho woman who, looking over
suits The other Day, turned to Z quiet
attendant and lhaxp1y asked: do you
call fhi0 ~ imno9had sanif p ssYea