Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1880-02-24
AN ATTIC PHILOSOPHER.

AN ATTIC PHILOSOPHER.
ORIGINAL SPEECHES AND RHYMES TO
| ORDER.-AS HONEST Man THRIVING
on DISHONESTY.
In Bleecker street, New York, in the
third-story back room Of what was once
an aristocratic private dwelling house,
the public in need Of brains can find the
same at reasonable rates. A reporter
who recently climbed the creaking stairs
and knocked at the door Of this back
room was invited to enter by deep
toned, pleasant voice. Stepping across
the threshold, the visitor found himself in
the abode Of Brains The room was
bare and cheerless. containing only a
bed, washstand, three or four wooden
chairs, stove, and large pine table,
which was Uttered with manuscripts,
newspapers, pens, ink-bottles. and we'll
thumbed dictionary. The owner Of the
deep toned voice was seated in one Of the
chairs, with his feet resting on the top Of
the table, and a newspaper in his hand.
"Mr. Brains, ! believe" said the re-
porter.
AT your service, sir.
The reporter drew from his note book
a slip cut from the advertising columns
of one of the dramatic journals, and read
it aloud 1t was as follows:
Dramas, sketches, songs, burlesques,
lectures, speeches, poems, &C., &C., written
To order on the shortest notice. Terms
low. Apply TO Brains, No. -, Bieecker
street.
That is my card, sir" said the occu-
pant of the room. As there anything |
can do for YOU"
~ should like to get little sentiment
in the poetical line, to write in young
lady's autograph album" responded the
reporter with some natural difhdence.
"Ah. yes. l see. You can furnish the
autograph yourself. but you would rather
| would do the sentiment. Exactly. And
about how long would YOU like it: can
make it an acrostic, if you prefer
Acros,ics come little higher, but they
are Just the thing, you know, for albums y
The reporter decided on an acrostic,
and gave Mary as the name Of the album
owner.
"How much will it be: Well, I'll
turn you off a four liner, while you wait,
for fifty cents.
These terms proving satisfactory, the
visitor took chair. while Mr.. Brains
turned to the table, and at once set him.
self to work on the acrostic.
..Shall make it tender" he asked.
"Tolerably so, replied the customer,
BY actual timing, the poet occupied
Just six minutes in the production Of the
acrostic. Then he threw down his pen
and submitted the work TO his visitor.
The virtues of the supposititious Mary
were thus embalmed:
TO MARY.
May all thy days as spotlcss be
Aswas this page ere marred by me-
Rose-iinted may thy future CLEAN.
Yet roster still the present seem.
"Do you find work enough in this line
TO make living inquired the reporter,
when he had expressed his satisfaction
with the stanza, and paid the half dollar
therefor.
"Well. yes" was the cheerful response.
al manage to live along after fashion.
The worst thing about it is that my In
come is extremely uncertain. Sometimes
don't get five dollars worth OF orders
in a month. And then again. have
turned out twenty dollars worth of work
in day. Averaging it the year round,
| suppose earn eighteen or nineteen dol
lars week. That, however, includes an
occasional lucky sale to the magazines
and story papers. In order work-that
is, Jobs which are done under contract
make my rates, as rule considerably
lower than get for pieces sold for pub
lication. lean afford to do this, because
YOU know, the chances of having an arti-
Gle rejected by an editor are always larger
than the chance of having it accepted.
Job work, OH the contrary, is sure pay,
although small.
but where do these orders come
from"
.Oh, from all sorts of people. l keep
a standing advertisement, like the one you
cut out, in three or four of the dramatic
and Sunday papers. These bring me
considerable number Of orders from va
|. riety performers for new songs and
! sketches. Occasionally, too, some va
riety actor, who is ambitious to become
a star, calls on me to write him a play
J adapted to his special line. You know
that is the way Emmet, Gus Williams
Richmond, Harrigan and Hart, Dea
!, Thomp pson, and number of others have
come TO the front. Then there are the
words of cheap burlesques, for which
there is fair demand, and which adap
to some well-known airs. Then, again
song writing affords fair field, and
have done good many pieces for Tony
Pastor and other popular singers. But
| don't count the theatrical custom my best
BY any means. A sketch for variety
hall use takes two or three days usually
t to put together. and if get twenty dol.
lars for it | am lucky. A full. .hedget
drama might return me one hundred dol
lars, but orders for these are rare. N,
bonanza comes when strike bobbin.
1 "And what is a bobbin::"
"Well, it is a name of my own which
| | have given to a certain class Of Gus
TONERS. call them bobbins because tn,