Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1880-12-18
THE CHINESE PLAY AT THE
HAYMARKET.

manager gloomily, 'but this theater donr se sao
to pay at all It's complete failure, that's what
it Is. we must strike out something new and
o or1gna A. wn 1otai change Of scenery. prop
1t was the last night OF the season at the
crown Princes Theater, Mayfair. The man.
Ming his career as q licensed purvey0r OF
dramatic condiments; and though he had
peppered and spiced his performances with
every Known form OF legitimate or illegitimate
stlmulant. the public somehow didn't seem TO
see IL. So here he was left at the end Of the
last night, surveying the darkened house from
lns iootllghts, and modify summing up In his
mind the grand total of the seasons losses.
Meenle. better known to the critical world as
Miss Amina FltZ-Adilbert, was his first young
lady, a lively little Irish girl, with Just the
I B1. Sonpoon OF orogHe, and If the Crown
Princes had turned out a success under his
energetic management, Jack Roberts had fully
maze up his mind that she should share with
him Ia future the honors of his name, at least
IN private HE. She was an unaff ected, simple
little thing, with no actresses manners when off
Tue stage, and as she had but one relative in
the world, certain brother Pat, who had run
away 10 foreign parts unknown after the last
remain business, she exactly suited Jack who
olten expressed his noble determination of
marrying "a lone orphan" But as things
$1,000 at present. he saw little chance Of afford
Ing himself the luxury OF matrimony on a
magnificent balance-shee In which expenditure
invariably managed to outrun revenue. So he
stood diScOnSOlaIe on the paSteboard wreck of
W
In MS NTH act, and locke like sort OF theatri-
cal Marius abo 1t TO immediate himself amid the
ruins OF a scene painters Carthage
we've Tried everything, Meenie," he went
On dlsconsOlately, but 1t doesn't seem to pay
for all that. First OF all we went in for sensa
tional dramas. We put Wicked London on
the stage; we drove real hanson cab with a
live horse In it across Waterloo bridge; we had
three murders and desperate suicide; you
nearly broke your neck leaping out or the
fourth floor window from the fire. when Jen-
forgot n
break your fall and Slnged my face dreadfully
as the heroic fireman going 10 the rescue. We
had more railway accidents powdered coach
men. live supernumerarles, and real water In
that piece than In any piece that was ever put
On the London boards; and what did the DdHy
I.71Lator say about it. Meenie, ask you that?
They said" Meenie answered regretfully,
..thaL the play lacked incident, and that the
duilnesS OF its general mediocrity was scarcely
relieved by a few occasional episodes which
hardly deserved the epithet OF sensational"
Well, then, we went In for aesthetics and
nigh art, and brought out Theophrastus Mas
draped the auditorium In sage green hangings,
decorated the proScenium with peacock patterns
by Whistler, got Alma-Tadema to design the
costumes for the classical mask, and Millai5 to
supply US with hints on Renaissance properties,
and finally half ruined ourselves over the archi-
lecture OF that chateau with the unprOnOunce-
able name that everybody laughed at. You got
yourself up so that your own mother wouldn't
have known you from Ellen Terry. aud made
my legs look IS thin as spindles so that I ex.
actly resembled an eminent tragedian in the
character OF Hamlet: and what came of 1t ali?
What did the Enening Stings, remark about that
play, should like TO know"
'They observed" said Meenie. In tone of
settled gloom, that the decorations were
Washy and JaSteleSs; that the piece itself was
iESipid and weakly rendered, and that no
amount of compression or silk leggins would
ever reduce your calves TO truly tragic diam.
eterp
:. "E!xaetly so.' said the aespon1ent manager.
Anu tnen we went In for scenic spectacle.
We produced The Wide Worli: a Panorama
III FIVE TableauS' We LAID our first acf in
Europe, our second In Asia. our third In AfrI.
ca, our fourth In America, and our fth In the
Islands OF the Pacific Ocean. We hired five
IutlgroWn elephants from Wombg ellis Mena-
gefie. and procured living cocoa-nut palms at
an enormous expense from the Royal Gardens,
Kew. We got three real Indian princes to an,
pear on the stage In their ancestral paste
diamonds; and we hired Farinfs Zulus to per
form their complete toilet before the eyes of the
spectators, as an elGyatng moral illustration of
the manners and customs Of the South Sea Isl
anCers. We had views, taken on the spot, of
EDglands latest acquisition. the Rock OF Rara-
tonga Finally, we wrecked this steamer here
In a collision With Russian iron-clad. supposed
10 De sy InoUlcal OF the fTigntful results OF Mr.
SIaoslOneS or LORD Beaconsfieid'S foreign pol
ICY "a sure forget which-and what was the
consequence? Why, the gods wanted to sing
the national anthem, and the stalls put on
OF the suhs."
1.-THE fact is said Meenie English plays
and English actors are at a discount PEOPLE
are tired OF them. They don't care for sensa-
tlon any longer, nor for aesthetics nor for spec
tacie; upon my word, their taste has become so
debased and degraded that don't believe they
even care for legs. The whole worlds gone mad
on foreign actors and actresses. They've got
SaIah Bernhardt and the Com6iie Franchise,
anu tIey go Wild With ecStaces over her as II
| couldn't make myself just as thin By Judi
clouS course OF DR.. Tanner"
mo, you couldn't" said Jack, looking at her
plump little face with amomentary relaxation
Oh mis- brow. IOur fresh little Irish cheeks
could never fall away to Sarahs pattern" And
10 say The truth. Meenie was a comely little
oooy enough, with just as much tendency 10
adip ose deposit as at one and-twenty makes a
race look temptlngly like peach. She blush
vlsioly through her powder. which shows that
she had no more OF IL than the custom Of the
her parable unrestraned.
1!hen there are the Yankees, with the Dan
lies ana Colonel Sellers, talking tragedy
I'm ough their noses, and applauded 10 the echo
tnem In TRANSPORTING melOdrama. But that's
the way OF English people now, Just because
they re imported direct. That comes OF free
t Trade you x, know: For my part, Im decided
protectlonlst. 10 put prohioitory tariff upon
the Importation OF foreign live stock, or compel
Them 10 be slaughtered at the port OF entry
That's what Id do.''
Jack merely sighed.
Well, then, there are the Dutch, again
going through their performances like wooden
dolls. Exquisite sefreStrant,' the news
papers say. Exquisite fiddleSticks. Do you
suppose IRE couldn't restrain ourselves IL we
chose TO walk through Hamlet like mutes at
funeral? Do you suppose zoe couldn't show
suppressed feeling If we acted Macbeth la a
couple OF easy chairs? Stun and nonsense, all
OF It. People go because they want other peo-
pie TO think they understand Dutch, which
they don't, and understand acting which they
can't see there. Ii We want to get on we must
go In for being Norweglans, OF Russians, or
sandwich islanders, or something OF that SORT
We really must"
Jack looked up slowly and meditatIvely
Look here, Meenle.r ne said seriously; sup
pose we get up Chinese playa"
why, Jack, we're not Cinnamon and China
women. We don't look In the least like it."
Il don't know about that, :" said Jack quietly;
your eyes are not quite the thing perhaps but
your nose is fairly wei up to pattern"
Now, Sir" said Meenie posting, and turning
up the somewhat retTOlsSse feature In question
~ ou're getting rude. My nose is very excel
lent nose, as noses 60 But you could never
make yours into Chinaman'S. It's at least
three inches too lone"
well, you know, Meenie, there's man who
advertiSeS hose machine for pushing the car.
t1lage, or whatever you call iJ, into a proper
shape. suppose We get this fellow to make us
rose-machines for distorting IL into a Chinese
pattern. You'll do well enough as you stand
with little walnut juice, all except the eyes;
out your warme5t admirer couldn't pretend
that your eyes are oblique. We must find out
some dodge TO manage tnat and then we shall
be all tight. We can easily hire a few real
Ghlnamen as supernumerarieS-enga Tom