The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1880-04-03

poverty, is thatit "makes men ridiculous"
Not, perhaps, If they will calmly accept
the situation, and cease to trouble them
selves about their want Of h%yacinthine
locks. But to reach this philosophical
frame Of mind It's almost necessary to be
either more or less than human; and, as a
rule, the approach Of badness is looked
upon with uneasiness and aversion. That
the bald are not by any means resigned to
their fate, and that they are animated by a
very natural desire to regain their lost
hair, indeed, is sufficiently proved by the
number Of preparations for the curt Of
badness which arc everywhere offered
for sale. The money spent by the bald in
seeking to get back what can never return
To- them must amount in the aggregate
to an enormous sum.
Th.re are hair-dressers who profess
themselves able to cure badness; and there
are some who will go SO far as to engage to
cureit, and who are ready to postpone all
question Of payment until alter the cure
snail have been effected. There is, more
over, q French pharmaceutical society
which offers to clothe the naked head
with It's natural covering or the system OF
payment by results. IT would be interest
ing-at least to US the bald-to know the
results, II any, were obtained through the
efforts Of this truly benevolent association.
Private practitioners, however, in the
same line of business have a very simple
method by which, while asserting their
intention TO receive no money until after
q cure shall have been effected, they man
age TO get money, and yet effect no cure.
"Let.me- examine your head. How old
are you? have you lived several years in
India? did you ever have a iever??" asks
the professor OF the art or science OF cur
ing badness, when the patient calls upon
him for the first time. 81 thought So"
he sagaciously remarks, II any M OF his
speculative inquiries as TO the origin Of the
visitors badness meets with an affirmative
reply. Asked whether anything can be
done" the professor answers that the case
is a most hopeful one. "Your hair" he
probably says, twill not be quite sc thick
as 1t was when you were one.and-twenty;
but altera few weeks treatment, no por.
ton OF your Uranium will be left bare"
The professor begins by cutting of a GER
tain amount OF loose hair, which he
declares, with apparent Justice, to be
wanting in vitality" Hethen rubs some
acid over the denuded surface, with the
view, as he puts II, OF "reyivipg the circu.
lation." The patient departs with a brisk
sensation at the top OF his head, and re-
turning TO the professors after an interval
Of two days, has the friction repeated.
This sort Of business goes on for q week
or SO, until, one happy day, the profess:
or, after examining the scene OF his oper-
atoms witha microscope, cries ont, with
an expression OF joy which is intended to
be communicative, that hair is comiHgl
A few days more, and the coming hair
can, he boldly asserts, be distinguished
with the naked eye. He even makes a
pretenseo Of cutting it, 80 that the young
growths may come up again with renew
ed strength" This interesting system OF
comiculture is continued for a week or
two, until at last the professor exclaims
that the new hair is coming on admirably,
and that your head will soon be like a
mop, and the professor is so elated with
what he evidently regards as q thoroughly
successful case, that when he suggests
that the time has come fer giving him a
douceur by way OF Acknowledgement, and
that be would like half a sovereign, you
hand him that sum without a murmur.
The first act is now Of ian end, and the sec
ond about TO begin. Your friends, and
especially the members OF your own fami.
iy, on having the secret impaired to
them that your head is gradually ASSUME
ng the appearance OF amop, smile deris-
lively, and you yourself, on viewing the
situation calmly with the aid Of two look.
Eyeglasses, are inclined TO think that their
are something more than the ex-
.pressions Of envy and Jealousy. You
maintain, nevertheless, your own private
opinion as to the beneficial effect OF the
professors applications and i~rictions, and,
lull OF confidence, you go to see him on
The next appointed day. This time the
professor is by no means %exhuberant in
his Joy. He Is glad to sec you; but he
regrets TO observe that your new hair Is
not getting on so well as might be expect
ed. And the worst OF 1t is that you have
now reached the critical stage, when, il
the new hair does not grow rapidyl
md strongly 1t will not grow at all. He
brings out his microscope, however, man
Ipulates the barren patches which are sup
posed to be covered with new hair, and Is
determined 10 do on your behalf all that
art can prompt or nature tolerate. At
last, with q look OF anxiety, the professor
inquiries whether you would have any OBJ
lection TO undergoing an operation which
would be attended with considerable pain
and perhaps a certain amount OF danger.
Asked Tor particulars, he explains that he
possesses . powerful acid which, when
rubbed into the top of your head, would
remove there.trom every particle Of hair,
md Of the same time a'good portion OF
kin; but that this difficult and delicate