The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1880-03-03
MISCELLANY.
JOHN CARRIERS SIN.

matter to us what it was. In a state of such
despondence, such despair of life and happi-
ness, such deep affection for others who suf-
fered with him that he scarcely cared what he
did, and forgot all things except the present
distress and the offered escape he did a
thing that he knew was wrong and wicked a
thing that would have blasted his reputation
and wrecked his character in all mems eyes If
1t were found out it hung about his neck
like secret milestone after the distress that
tempted him was gone and the sin done with.
There were years when he could not pray or
read his Bible when memory brought up to
him all the texts of condemnation and none
of the mercifu words of Scripture. He said
to himself that he was another Esau, and
could find no place of repentance. His voice
was never heard in prayer meeting he avoid
ed the communion table-framing some ex-
cuse of illness or making absence from town
necessary on those stated occasions he could
not pray by his dying fathers though the pale
lips whispered request that he should do So
The bitterness of death compassed him about
and though he loved his father deeply he was
glad the good old man died before he knew
his sons iniquity.
Time after time the wish rose in his heart
that he could confess to man his transgres-
sions and be free from the intolerable burden
of this secret but this could not be done
without bringing to his family disgrace and
grief that he had no right to involve them in.
He had, in the worlds phrase, harmed nobody
4 Al. 4
come out of it without exposure had been
successful in covering up an action I'M itself
criminal, but harmful most to himself.
The position was peculiar, and exquisitely
painful to a man with tender conscience for
to such sin is misery and yet they fall into
it as easily as worse men, rs all history as
sures us. But after time of heartzbroken
agony and hopeless penitepce John Carter be-
gan to find out once again that God is merci-
full he ceases to look into his own heart and
fixes his eyes upon that Saviour that came to
save from sin as well as sins penalty. Hum
bly,, and slowly, like punished child he
crept back into new religious life ; wound
ed, it is true, crippled to certain extent, but
submissive, repentant and filled with charity
for his fellows. He knew that he could never
recover his self-resIcct, never forget his fall,
but he accepted that as the result of trans
erosion, and said with jeremiah -
Wherefore doth living man complain, a
man for the punishment of his SINS
All this was within himself to his family
and his friends he was only little graver
than usual as many men become grayer with
increasing years he was now a constant at
tendant at Church gave freely to good OBJ
ijects, and seemed to other men quiet, earn
est, kiudhearted man, implicitly to be trust
ed, leaning rather to generosity than to JUS
| tice
What he endured in all this time was known
only to himself aud to God his conscience
tormented him continually ; it was by a con-
slant recalling of the promises to repentant
sinners that he endured life. No doubt he
knew hundred who had sinned as deeply as
he had and as successfully concealed their
sin but he did not know that probably in
all the hundred not one suffered such agonies
of regret and repentance as he did. To them
the thing was over, done with their business
was to see to this days work or duty they
put the past decisively behind them, not be-
cause they ought to- but because they wanted
to. But to sensitive moral nature like his
this course was impossible even though he
felt assured that for Christ's sake his grew
Gus sin was forgiven above, he could not for
get its commission. Day after day he retrac-
ed every step of his temptation recalled the
half. crazed state of mind in which he was for
weeks the sin itself the concealments he
had resorted to, in themselves degrading the
ierrors of discovery I; the agony of remorse
/ He grew morbid with this interospection !;
perpetually thinking to himself, life became
bitter in all its usages He never went into
society without thinking, If these people
knew about me + he received a cold look,
but he felt that possibly the man who gave it
had fathomed his secret and despised him.
Over and over he said to himself, What if
Sarah knew it ? and his whole heart SILVER
ed within him. He did Sarah-who was his
wife-the greatest injustice in this Thought
She was woman more than usually loving,
unselfish and forgiving. If John could have
| told her-which was out of the question--out
!
would have felt his way to healthy spiritual
life but without the touch of human sym
pathy he found it hard to lay hold on the di-
vine, and saw even the Father who 50 loves
his erring children, and welcomes them back
from their wanderings and starvation, with
eyes blinded by his own unshed tears. He
was in this sort of mood when be fell In, one
year, just before Thanksgiving Day, with an
old college friend, a Woodworking minister in
city parish, man that had seen more sin
than John Carter ever dreamed of, and COM
bated it in all its proteau shapes of poverty,
ignorance and degradation.
| Where are you bound for, Joe q John
said, as they met at a railway station.
| Bound for home, mani answered the
Rev. Jos. Dyer. Where else should man
be going this time of the year, but home to
the old folks and Thanksgiving
DO you always feel in the mood to be
thankful, then, on the set day p
ITO be sure do, Jack why not ? There
| ia alwavs enough to be grateful for the BIZ