The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1880-08-14
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

"Broiled spring chickens for tea, ELI p
said /. "And lobster salad and fried oys-
sters Upon my word, this looks as if we
were going to have company"
$50 we are; my dear" said my wife,
looking a little guilty, as she polished up
the surface of the big silver tea-tray with a
new chamOis leather. "They are all come
to visit me-unce Silas, and aunt Melicent,
and the children, and cousin Joab, and the
two Miss Wilmerdings, and my aunt Louisia
to meet the Reverend Mr.. Speakwell, from
Minnesota, who married my second cousin,
Jerusha Wilde. Mr.. Speakwell is tr~ubed
with catarrh, and he thinks of staying at
our house for few weeks, while he is being
treated by DR.. Dosem ("
put down my linen duster and brown
paper parcels with some emphasis.
ooh, confOund the Rey. Mr. speakwell"
said I.
"John" calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, can't help IT," said l..
"It's not in human nature to endure every
thing. And I've been relationed out of all
patience, ever since our marriage. The
Jenkinses went away last week, the Bird
sails took an ailectionate leave yesterday,
and now, just as was conteiipiating a
peaceful evening by ourselves, here's new
swarm, hungrier than the rest, just about
to settle down upon us In my opinion,
Kitty, my dear, relations should be abol-
ished."
al am surprised at you, john" said my
wife. My own people, that are so fond of
me-"
"There's where you are mistaken, my
dear" said |. "It's your comfortable spring
beds and good cookery that they are fond of
and not you"
"John"
"I'd be willing to wager good round
sum on the truth of my assertion" said |.
"Because you have no relations your
self"
"Thanks to Providence for that" said l,
deyoutly. 81 was reared in a founding
asylum, ano have nobody to thank but my
self for my tolerable success in the world!'
ats no reason you should find fault with
mine," said Kitty, with her bright blue
eyes full of tears. "And Mr.. Speakwell is
such a spiritually y-minded man, and dear
uncle silas loves you just as if you were his
only son, and cousin Jacob is so interested
in the children"
I'm much obliged to 'em," said /, dry
ly. "But ] slept all last week on sofa cush-
ions laid in the bath tub; and we had four
teen people here over the anniversaries; aud
was obliged to give up my own room for
a month last winter to old MFR. Mansewell,
not to speak Of our being half poisoned with
Aunt Louise's hygeian messes, in the fall.
When the poet said, There's no place like
home | presume he meant when there
were no relations visiting him, I'll tell you
what, my dear" with a sudden inspiration,
ave great mind formally TO deed over
this house to your relations, if they will
agree solemnly to leave me in peace for the
rest of my life, wheresoever / may get up
my family tents"
''Nonsensel" said my wife. "Do 20 up
stairs and change your things, and brush |
your hair, and get ready for tea. They're |
all waiting in the best parlor, and 1 wes ex- |
necting your return to see about hiring some |
cot beds from the village hotel, To put up in |
the attic for those four little Speakwell |
children. You see, aunt Louisa has the |
blue bed-roomj ard cousin Jacob sleeps in |
the littls wing chamber, ard Mr.. and Mrs |
opeakwell will have our own room, and"
"lndoedf' said l. "And are we 10 sleep |
in the barn?"
sanpr.tt ha araas Tcky, -, II -.
pealinsly. "One must be hospitable, YOU .
know. And can easily make up the sofa
bed in the back parlor for cur use, for
week or two."
said nothing, but ground my teeth in
silent despair, as ] sprang up stairs, two
steps at time, TO make what changes
could in my toilet, by the aid of ter by
-welve glass, hung over the washstand of a
itufy little bath room.
The Reverend Mr. Speakwell was big
man, wilh a still bigger voice, and a limp,
AIDED little wife, whose sole earthly Interests
seemed centered in her four white-eyed,
reckle-iaced children. Uncle silas and
Aunt Milicent were a silent couple, with
excellent appeites, and two tall boys, who
gigged and snickered at each other in the
intervals Of the conversation.
Cousin Jacob talked incessantly with his
mouth full, aud the two Miss Wilmerdings
ervei as general echoes TO the rest; while
Aunt Louisa devoured lobster salad ad hBi-
I'M, and kept on sending on her cup for
more green tea, until trembled for her
nerves.
While my wife, careful and troubled, like
Martha Of old, with many things, looked
eady TO drop with the hospitable exertinns
he had made, aud /, sitting mere cipher
IL the head Of my table, felt as ii / were
,eeplng clearinghouse without any of the
'ecuniary emolument therelron.
my trunks will be up In the six O'Clock
rain said the Rev. Nj srsaswell "IGl {