The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1880-04-30
BITS OF WIT.

"Chicago is to be illuminated by electric
light and kept constantly as light as day.
Boston isn't" says q paper published In
the frst-named place. We don't need It..
Boston can trust its citizens in the dark. -
Boston Post.
The New York Mail under the head line
I" Religious Intelligence" prints the news
that "a steam -four mill is to be started at
jerusalem" The theologians of the
Albany Journal think religious steam
-four mill is one without dam.
A Towanda (Pa.) sign reads thus: "John
Smith, teacher of cowtillions and other
darces-grammar taut In the neatest man.
ner-iresh salt herrin on draft-likewise
Goodfreys cordjial-rutes sassage and other
garden truck-N. B. bawl on friday mite
prayer meeting chussday-also saline sing
ing by the quire."
A popular clergyman was greatly bored
by lady who admired him without re-
serve. "Oh dear Mr.. -" said she,
last Sunday afternoon, "there isn't any
harm In one loving ones pastor, Is there e''
Certainly not, madam" replied the
worthy cleric; "not the least In the world,
so long as the feeling is not resiprocated."
"Don't waste your time clipping off the
branches" said the woodman to his SOD,
"but lay your Ak at the root of the tree"
And the young man went out and laid his
az at the root OF the tree, like a good and
dutiful boy-and then went fishing.
Truly, there is nothing SO beautiful as filial
obedience!
An attorney recently took strong excep-
tion to the ruling Of the Court that certain
evidence was inadmissible. I" know, your
Honor" said he, warmly, "that it is
proper evidence. Here have been prac-
ticing at the bar for forty years, aud now
want to know IL am fool?" "That,"
quietly replied the Court, "is a question
of fact and not Of law, and so shall not
pass upon it, but let the jury decide.'
A California exchange relates this anus
ing anecdote: Misses" pleaded rusty
looking tramp yesterday to an old lady,
who was looking into shop window, "can
you gimme ten cents to get cup Of coffey
I'm an old '49er, mum. KEN to California
in 49," "Did you, indeed Poor man "
said the old lady passionately, as she
opened her purse. Dear me: tits too bad
how the old pioneers are going to the WALL"
Old Prince Suwaroff, grandson Of the
famous General, Is accustomed to 60 and play
whist every night with his sovereign. The
other evening the royal family noticed that
the Prince did not put in an appearance,
and one OF them asked the Gear il the
Prince wasn't coming to have his usual
game in the palace. "No," responded
Aleck. as no got ready to dodge the hair
brush which the Czarian was preparing to
throw at him. "I'm going to Suwaroff."
When the Nihilists heard Of this they said
he had got to 60 an! how.
"Please pass the butter" is obsolete.
+" Allow the oleomargarine to slide down
this way is now the "propah capah."-
Nep Hapsa Register. "Chuck me hunk
Of grease Is more expressive.-N. Y. Er.
press. "Circulate the CONCEALED bovine
essenoe" " has been used with effect
Rochester Express. The Boston girl says,
4" Increase my propinquity to the globules
of fractured cream" but the Chicago girl
remarks, as she gives her knife prepara-
tory lick, s.Yank me the dublin. Oinein-
natl Commercial.
Bill Nye, in writing to the Denver TIT
bune, has this to say Of some poems written
by Michigan girl: My idea would be to
take these poems and remove the crown
sheet, then put in new running gear, upset
and brush the pitman, kalsomine the boiler
plate, drill new holes in the eccentric, raise
the posterior eccentric to level with the
gang plank, slide ash pan forward Of the
monkey wrench, securing it BY draw-bars to
the top gallant mizzen. Then, throwing
open the condenser, and allowing the cer-
to rest firmly against the vicarious
whippety-whop, fair timo may be made
on gentle grade"
One day the Emperor Nicholas Of Russia,
who was one Of the strictest and most in
flexible Of discip iplinarians. met in street
in St. Petersburg drunken soldier who
was riding in a drosky. In great rage the
czar stopped the drosky, and angrily asked
the soldier what he was doing. The inn
minepce of bis danger partially sobered
the latter. He rose in bis carriage, drew
bis sword. and salutiug the czar, said: 81
am taking drunken soldier to the guard
room, your majesty" The Emperor
Nicholas smiled, gave the soldier five-
rouble piece, and told his coechman to
drive him, not to the guard room, but
homo.
A man took an egg to country store
and with II bought cheap pipe. After he
had transferred the pipe to his pocket he
cody asked tho merchant II he didn't make
. practice of treating bis customers. The
other, rather admir,ng his "cheek,n an
swered yes" and passed out bottle Of
wine. The customer said he'd take an egg
in his, The storekeeper, still admiring his
passed him the same egg he
brought. He broke the egg into bis vine
and then exclaimed. Look ahere! That's
. double yolk egg" ani with the word
gulped It down, remarxing, latter two
yolka, two pipes. In take another pipe,
il you please The merchant caved.
lit seems . kind Of satire to give the
name Of Greenland TO country covered
with snow and ice-which II, indeed ono
huge glacier. But geological Investigations
prove that the climate Of Greenland was
onoe mildcr than that of New England at
the present time. Remains were found in
abundance OF pines, oaks. grapeyinsa
larches, poplars and even the beautiful
magnolia, nov only native N the South.
Traces wegs also seen Of former lakes and
rivera Possibly at some futnre day : nov
change may take placs and Greenland b.
come The homo of : great and populoos
ustiop,