The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-06-24
An Arkansas Examination.

An Arkansas EXam1natI0ns
~"Cap'n," said colored man, entering
the Office of School Examiner whose
skin was SO black that to see him you
would think he had spent his life in boil
ing crows for dissatisfied politicians,
"Cap'n," repeated the visitor, lightly
tapping ON the door facing. %. Dia
"Wall, sab, what is hit?' 1asa.
else called roun' ter be 'zammoned.
Use a 'fessional school teacher" ''fscA
did you know dat hits mighty hot
cross-fre ter STAN under de range oh de
batteries OBJ my knowledge?" - -
Z" Vas, Oap'n," said the applicant, 1an'
bein' proud OBJ my 'complishments hez
sought you sted oh goin' ter de onedy-
Gated white fessor." .-+ t 80
'' Yer action is dat oh a wise man, an
fur SIGH wisdom Ibited in de very bud
OBJ de education rose. Oh, Use fow'ry;
I'll 'stfrfct my Secretary to mark yer one
on de sheep skin stifikit ov knowledge.
Dis am figerative. We'se out of sheep
skins, am IN der place hab substituted
coon skins, tanned by Arkinsas nigger
an ketched by Justice OBJ de. Peace. Do
hit strike yer in de stomach OBJ recogni-
tion?" ts.4ve Isl
"Yas, Cap'n.' 'w IS 1850
:" Wall, now ter de zanination. Sec
retary, git down dat brass pen wild dog
wood holder an fetch hit heah, fur I, in
de cordance wild structions, is gwine ter
toat dis man through de new groun' OBJ
knowledge whar de briers am thick an
whar dar's many toenal lyin' mung de
grubs. Now fur de fust. Does yer un-
derstan' 'gogafy?"
"Oh, yassah, dat's my holt"
"What does yer know OBJ grammar?
Keep yer mouf open fur Use de eddyca-
tional dentist, 'zaminin' de teeth OBJ yer
larnin'." ~
~ eats up grammar like a man ham
lin green's. a--.g ..-..a-ds 20 s.i 81
"What about de sciences OBJ phle-
botomy?'laso = ''1s rs f7-7 .s.-fl ~ I
r "I walks all ober dat science onstilts. :"
"What does you know about mata-
physics" ..s..rs
aDe quilt OBJ my bed am patched wild
hit. " -. aal..a. 7.s-r- l.-s..i ~.
Mr.. Secretary said the examiner,
turning to the functionary, ''gin dis man
double stifcate. Recommend him ter
de people ez de ablest man I hez 'zam-
ined dis yeah. Dar's yer papers, sab; an
remember dat the clowd OBJ edycation am
black one. A man dat shows sich a
familiarity wild science az you does, is
boun' one day ter put his foot on a white
mans shoulder, reach up an take de
gown OBJ superiority from de peg in de
wardrobe OBJ LIES great competition.
Let's see, five dollars for the single dorse-
ment, an five dollars an a half fur de
double dorsement. Gimmy ten dollars. :"
The money was cheerfuly paid and the
man with his blotted coon skin went out
into the world to engage in the tourna-
ment of letters.-Little Rock Gazette y
5 Temperance.
We meant to have said something on
the subject of temperance last week, when
the matter was first brought up. But
perhaps it is not too late now. Temper
ance is something that is destined toplay
an important part in the future Of this
country, for although it has been referred
to incidentally by great number of per-
sons in times past, it is only lately that
people have found out there was any
money in it. A few years ago a man
could open saloon and wealth would
pour in upon him, as the profit on drink
Of whisky or beer was three bundled per
cent, but a temperance lecturer could not
make his salt. But now this has all
changed. There is so much competition
in the saloon business, and prices and
taxes are figured so close that only a few
saloon-keepers clear cent at the end of
the year, while temperance lecturers,
especially if they have been star drunk
ards sometime, can rake In their two
hundred dollars night and lay up half
of it against day of sickness or trouble
or relapse It will be seen, therefore,
that temperance has made rapid strides
during the past few years, and its future
is bright with promise. Another thing is,
that as long as there was a sort Of stigma
resting on the profession Of whisky selling,
and men who dealt out che sthquid damn
alton to poison their fellow men," drink
ing was popular and great many drank
because it was cunning, and they felt
they were doing q cute thing to break
the law. But now that liquor selling has
become open, and sanctioned by the law,
and liquor sellers are elected to office and
considered as good as anybody, people do
not care SO much about drinking There
is no longer any fun in it, and it has fall
en- into disfavor, or rather into disuse,
and has become unpopular On the other
hand temperance has come up from al
most nothing and is now the best busi-
ness man can go Into, and a field is thus
opened for the indus trious youth of our
land to gain start in life when all other
| avenues to fortune seemed closed All
that is needed is foa law to make it illegal
to talk temperance. and give liquor sellers
the freest range, and there would he such
o wave of temperance sweep over this
country as would make saloon-keepers
look sick The law has too long been on
the side of whisky-selling, and it is time
it was changed and the temperance peo-
| pie given chance. e.-AfilaU0ukee San.