The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-07-03

ly, Maria; discharge her immediately,
l won't have suoh a woman in the
house,"
workingmsn
betore you begin your heavy sDrinu
s',e. "on "llor winter OF relaxation your
system moods cleansing and strenvth.
ening to prevent OH attack Of AS1o
nlllous or Spring Fever, or some ofh"r
spring sickness that will unfit you for
seasons work. You will save r,mo
Ihuch SICKNESS and great exnonso ~
you Will use one bottle of Hon Ritters
III your family this month. Don't wait
-!7"rf"gton Uaaokspc. ''
>~<----
WHEN a Wisconsin, man sits up In
his coffin and demands to know what
the racket Is, the chief mourner says:
"See here, sir, we're performing our
melancholy duty to n deceased friend,
and ii you try to kick up disturbance
or do anything to mar the soIcmnity of
tho 0cca sion, you'll get hurt" And
then "the corpse" Is jammed down in
to the coffin again ana the lid screwed
on. They can't afford after the funeral
bills had been paid to have tho money
wasted, especially as Wisconsin men
arr not usually worth two funeral bills.
a COMPANY of sCapegraces meeting a
pious old man named Samson, one Of
them exclaimed, "Ah now we're safe.
Wen take Samson along with us, and
then. should we be set upon by thous-
and Phllistines, he'll slay them all"
My young friend,' quietly responded
the old man. "to do that, should have
to borrow your jawbone!'
lo
They would change their opinions sud
dcnly aud most decidedly Ii they could
hear the ay, rage woman dAt ours up Il
washing days. an when cleaning
house. Then 1t Is TINT tho male part
ner in the cOnuubiAl concern slinks
away, and thinks he Is going to be
'killcd dead" by her Irrational powers.
A Los Angeles Sunday school boy
has discovered the meaning OF the
word "S.lah," found IN the Bible. lie
told the teacher that it was found at
the cnd Of verses and chapters, and
that |; stood for "Whoa Eulma."
SQUALLS went out west, co. tlncbriatc', :,
lnSulteu mans vile, Was tarrcu anu
feathered, escorted out Of town by a
dnputatton of citizens, and now when
questioned as to what he was do
ing when away from home, truthfully
replies ho was a rail road man.
THE pronounced opinion of the ablcst
physicians all over the country indi-
Gates that DR.. Bulbs Baby Syrup Is the
pest remedy for all tho suiierings OF
little children caused by Wind Cole,
Dyscntcry, Diarrlina or Summer Com
plaint. Price % cents.
--~OS-
A NEW song Is entitled, "IIe sleeps
where he fell" Hc must have been
thoroughly incbriatcd, and out Of sight
OF policeman. a sober man would
got right up instead Of going to sleep.
a MICHIGAN woman CURED a sitting
hen by placing rod hot glass egg In
the nest. Hens know when not to be
SIT as we'll as the man who gcts up Off
Il tack.
a RIDGEFIELD man has invontcd u
chair which can be adjusted to 5000
different >sitions. 1t Is designed for
the boy TO sit in when having his hair
cut.
"MR. SMITH father wants to borrow
it," "Well, go back aud toll your ia
thor to send me his supper. Tell him
| only want to eat it,"
THE game OF 1iftccn-swcct fifteen
Is long clothes, store hair, hangs,
bangles. barbar-pole stockings, friz-
zies, bustles young man with which
10 tide over tho ice-cream season.
"THAT's the first hop of the season.
remarked dancing-master as his
young hopeful sat down on tack
Then the music started and the bawl
began.
T1GHT shoes arc said by Boston ocu-
lists to make bad cycSight. Now we
may account for the fact that barefoot
boys sees 80 much that Is going OH.
a LADY for the first time listening to
the ''still small voice" Of telephone,
remarked, Good gracious, 1T sounds
just like ones conscience -
a BOY who can't walk half milo on
an errand because he Is so tired, will
ride velocipedc all day, yelling like
Comanchc to "olcar the ;ra elk!
THE old song Of Nothing but Tears
ls coming In vogue again with the
Wcthersficld girls. They are weed ing
onions.
THE new stay law has no ref renee
to women lacihg themselves to death
or TO vessels. Both havo yet the right
to "go in stays"
THEY went fishing. She looked
,angudiv at him and said, 81 wish the
tish would bite ut your hook; If I was
a fish would"
--------s-. --------c-so--s.-.l-n.-
Around to World.
A fame that is world and ac-
quired In the short space Of n few years,
must have true merit for its support.
Dr.. Piorco's Family Medicines, have
gained such fame and the foreign
orders for his Golden Medical Dis
Llr1,.l cG