The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-05-13
EunnygrapIlS.

A FEAST of reason-The entertainment
of All idea.
MAUD Can aristocratic chilD: "How
pretty and clever you are. mother I'm
so glad you married into our family"
"SHE never told her love'-because
the young man, anticipating something
OF the kind, hasn't called to see her since
leap year opened.
ARTEMUs WARD once began lecture
by saying: Ladies and gentlemen. I
possess a gigantic intellect, but [ haven't
it with me-"
A LAZY boy was complaining that his
bed was too short, when his father stern
ly replied, "That is because you are al
ways too long in it, sir.
WHEN fond parent sees a boy walk
through gateway, instead of climbing
the fence, he is worried for fear the lad
isn't quite himself.
ATMosPHER1CAL knowledge is not
thoroughly distributed to our schools. A
boy being asked: What is mist ?"
vaguely responded, can umbrella. .
"LEMArY, you're pig" said father
to his son, who was years old. CHOW
do you know what pig is, Lemmy ?"
p" Yes, sir; a pig is a hogs little boy"
"WHY," asks the Wheeling Leader,
don't some one write song on the
first fly of summer 2" because the fly
won't hold still long enough for any one
to write q song on it. :"
THE latest sweet thing is entitled
Kiss Me Quickly, Birdie, Darling"
It is described as serio-comic-the serio
part probably beginning upon the arri-
val of the old man.
The second son of the composer.
Mendelssohn has died at Berlin. 1t was
his brother who, when asked, "What,
in your opinion, is the most ephemeral
of your fathers works ?" replied, CT"
A MICHIGAN man, who sat down ON
another mans 81 hat, apologized for it
by saying: "My great-grandfather on
my uncle's side was born deaf, which in
terfered with his speech and made me
near-sighted after o'clock.
ZEPHANIAH," said his wife with a
ing out of saloon this afternoon.
"Wel, my darling" replied the heart
less man, "you wouldn't have your hus-
band staying in a saloon all day, would
you 2"
"MAMMA," says 4-year-old Minnie,
"what are we made OFF," "Dust, my
dear" replies mamma. Not long after
Minnie is heard instructing her younger
brother. "Do you know what we are
made OFF," she asks. emo" "Well,
now, I'll tell you, and you must alters
member it. We are made of sawdust F."
A CLERGYMAN, preaching very dull
sermon, set his congregation asleep except
a poor fellow, who was generally con-
sidered deficient in intellect. At length
the reverend orator, looking around, ex-
claimed: "What, all asleep but the
poor idiot!' "Ay," quoth the fellow,
and if l had not been a fool l should
have gone to sleep, too"
DO [ THINK of your you ask, dear
est, wrote husband to his wife. "'Do
[ think of you?' Yes, do; especially
when a button comes off, or [ find a hole
in my stocking" 8" I am glad you think
of me, darling" she wrote in reply; 81
used to think a great deal of you when
wanted to go to the concert or the thea
ter, or when [ felt like having drive;
but since / have found gentleman
friend who was willing to take your place
have not been troubled SO much" He
took the next train for home, nursing
volcano of wrath in his bosom the whole
distance. 1t is needless to say that the
conflict was short one man couldn't
stay angry long in the presence Of her
sparkling eyes and merry laughter. But
he felt that she had served him right,
and his future letters will doubtless show
more appreciation of her wifely attri-
butes.