davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
NentilntiOn.

An illustration of popular ig-
norance as to ventilation is furnish
ed by the Sanitary Engineer, and
is as follows:
A gentleman while attending
church one evening found that his
feet were icy cold, so that he had
TO raise them from off the floor.
Calling the attention of the sexton
to the fact, the latter said, with
some perplexity:
eyes, we have a good many
complaints of cold feet from others /;
but | don't understand the reason
why we can't keep the church
warm; we surely have fires enough" :"
So saying, he pointed to regis
ter in the floor directly behind the
gentleman in the adjoining pew.
Looking around, the latter could
sec that there was hot fire in the
furnace beneath, and yet no heat
came up. When a handkerchief
was laid over the register it scarce
ly stirred. The visitor asked the
sexton:
"Have you any means Of venti
lation 2"
"No, sir"
"Are no windows open 2"
"None, whatever"
elbow then can you expect the
air to come in here if it cart ge'
ont somewhere p
There was 40 reason-the mar
was non-plussed.
"Did you ever try to blow in O
bottle 2" continued the enquirer.
"No, sir"
"Do you think if you did, that
you could force any more air into
n bottle by blowing than was in it
before ?" He couldn't say. Never
had thought Of it.
"Well, continued the gentleman,
"you would soon find out, if you
tried that it was impossible, and
neither can you force air into this
church through register if you
don't open window or some other
orifice.'
"But," the sexton demurred,
"opening a window would let in
the cold air, wouldn't itW
"You just try it," was the re-
spouse. "Raise some of the win
dows on the leeward side of the
church, and see what will happen"
1t was done, and instantly the
handkerchief lying on the register
rose half way to the ceiling with
the ascending current. The sexton
stood and stared in astonishment.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A promising youth recently sur
prised his father by asking: Gath
er, do you like motherw "Why,
yes, of course" "And she likes
your "Of course she does"
"Did she ever say so ?" "Many a
time, my SON." "Did she marry
you because she loved your" Seer
tainly she did" The boy careful
ly scrutinized his parent, and, after
a long pause, asked: "Well, was
she as near-sighted then as she is
now ?"--Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

What the editor printed.---"The
Hon. Luke Lethertung, our dis
tinguished representative to the
National Congress, has very kindly
favored us with copy of his able
and mastery speech on the I'm
provement of Bobtailed Frogs"
What the editor said.-"What in
thunder does that fool send his
rubbish here for l"-Boston Trans
cript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

1t was a colored preacher who
said to his flock; ave have a COL
lection to make this morning, and
for the glory of Heaven which
ever of you stole Mr.. Jones tur-
keys don't put anything on the
plate" One who was there says :
Every blessed niggah in de church
came down wild de rocks"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A fond mother wants to learn
how her son will turn out. That's
easily done. II he's wanted to go
out and weed the garden, he will
turn out slowly and reluctantly and
be two hours dressing. If he's
called to see a circus procession
go by, he'll probably turn out
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

ADDRESS TO A CAT.
Sweet warbler, when the radiant moonlight falls
In mellow splcndor on the haunted shed,
Oft have listened TO thy plaintiff wauls
And cursed thee from my sleep deserted bed.
How have wept to hear thy long drawn shout,
"Maria Oh-h, Maria Comm ou-out. ?"
Why dost thou rage vain cat, when sable night
With "dewy freshness fills the silent air ?"
why dost thou climb the roof to yell and fight,
And rip and spit and snort and claw and swear
Dost thou not blush, sweet cat, when rosy dawn
Sees half thy fur clawed out, and one eye gone
Burlington Hawkeyc.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A coquette came out of a fancy
goods shop loaded with purchases.
"You have renewed your provi-
sion," said rival. Don't speak
of it, have quite ruined myself.
/ have bought a thousand things /
do not need, among others six
tooth brushes" "Ah, one for each
TOOTH said tie other sweetly.-
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A gentleman called professionally
on a prominent physician and COM
planned of a total loss of appetite,
"I1l just give you a little tonic to
take before dinner" said the doe
tor. "Oh, Tn all right just be-
fore dinner. It's after dinner that
suffer so much"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

"When l goes a-shopping,' said
an old lady, 81 alters ask for what
| wants, and if they have it, and
l feel inclined to buy it, and it is
cheap, and can't be got for less, |
most alters take it, without clap
pering all day about it, as some
people do"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
ADvERTTsING RATES.

line
Local Notices, ten cents per line each insertion.
and all notices continued for three months or
longer, a discount of 25 per cent
Advertisements unaccompahied by written or
verbal directions will be published three month hs
Advertisements, under contract ordered out be
fore expiration OF time, will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all Grrearnges are
paid except a. the option Of the publisher.
Transient advertisements must be paid in ad =
vance.
~ Terms, CASH, payable quarterly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

An Irishman, speaking of the
scarcity of feed in Utah, says that
thousands of cattle have had to be
killed to save their lives.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

The shades of night go about
dewing good.-New Orleans Picay-
une.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

More jolies.-a new song is en-
titled "Grandfather's Pants" is
it dedicated to Schurtz !-Boston
Score.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

The Boston Transcript has dis
covered that we meet great many
warm friends during the heated
form
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

June is full of commencements,
and all because the schools are
closing.-New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

"No, ma'am," said grocer to
an applicant for credit; "I wouldn't
trust my own feelings"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

Jones finds drinking like a fish
makes his head swim.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A Detroit Alderman brags that
he "remcmbers in his youth being
held on Andrew Jackson's knee"
What we now want to know is,
whether Andrew used shingle or
his hand.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

Is there anything more delicious
than a baked clam Eek. We can't
think of anything just now, unless
it may be piece of sole leather
fried in oleomargarine.-Norris-
town Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

The way of the transgressor is
hard-to keep track of.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

j. L. G.-"If you have been in
suited by man who weighs de-
cidedly more than you do, there
are two things for you to do, and
two only. You can bear it with
Christian fortitude, or you can
hire a still heavier man to show
him the error of bis waYs."-Pucl.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

Breaking an awkard silence.
Mrs. Montague Smart Suddenly,
to bashful youth, who has not
opened his lips since he was intro
duced to her quarter of an hour
ago)-"And now let us talk Of
something else."-Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A family of young ladies who
reside in this city, so often enter
tain their company on the front
stoop that they have gained the
title of the step sisters.-Free
Press.
But isn't it rather humiliating for
them so shamefully to "Stoop to
Conuuer."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A drink in the morning for ap-
petite. A dozen drinks later in
the day for another 'appy tight
New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

A correspondent wishes to know
if the "Lay on Macdulf" was one
of Shakspeare's earlier poems
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
North Grand Trunk
R. R.
formerly Chicago & Lake Huron.l
Condensed Timetable.
September 2sth, 1879.

80 IFlI1I ~ V"TT"TT'I-0'T ~ V--'------
Accommodation trains leave Lapccr, east, l:O6
n m, il:i5 p. m. west, 500 p. M, ll:i5 p. IN.
Flint, east, 1l:00 a. m, $50 p. m; west, s:Io q.
M, i:20 p. IN.
4 through Pullman palace sleeping coach isr,in
from Lansing to Buffalo trains passing Flint
at 7:17 p. M, and Lnpeer at sos p m
CHAs. II. PECK, IL. FUNNEL, w f. DAVIS,
Genl Manager, Supt. Genl. Tkt.Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
WI. u. MAIDEN, III. ID.

PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, PSYCHOLOGIST
&c, Late Asst. Surgeon u. s. Army; Examining
Surgeon for u. s.. Pensioners, and all the pIiuc-
pal Life Insurance Co.'S Residence and Office on
Second St, nearly opposite the Union House.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

quick and hurt himself trying to
come down stairs and put boot
on at the same time.-Lowell Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

When a boy has a gold watch
presented to him he will cheerfully
travel two miles to regulate it in
the presence of his enemies.-An-
drew's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07

The Whitehall Times man, who
has tried both, says: "Kissing by
telephone is about as satisfactory
as scratching your head with a
sunbeam"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
wCAUTION~s

Beware OF limitations See that the name Of v.
W. Kinsman il in the glass of tho hottl,.
Sold by druggists and dealers. Price, l0c,, ssc.
and 75c. tSayl
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
Il. III. ID YER,

Commission dealer in Pine and Farming Lands.
Pine Lands examined, estimated and sold on
commission. Alpcna, Mich.
Pine and Farming lands for sale.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1880-07-07
WIT AND HUMOR.
ADDRESS TO A CAT.

WIT AND HUMOR.
ADDRESS TO A CAT.
Sweet warbler, when the radiant moonlight falls
In mellow splcndor on the haunted she'd,
Oft have listened to thy plaintiff wauls
And cursed thee from my sleep deserted bed.
How have | wept TO hear thy long drawn shout,
MARIA Oh-h, Maria Comm ou-out! ?"
Why dost thou rage, vain cat, when sable night
With "dewy freshness fills the silent air %
why dost thou climb the roof to yell and fight,
And rip and spit and snort and claw and swear a!
Dost thou not blush, sweet cat, when rosy dawn
Sees half thy fur clawed out, and one eye gone 4!
Burlington Hawkeye.
Jones finds drinking like a fish
makes his head swim.-Free Press.
The shades of night go about
dewing good.-New Orleans Picay-
une.
June is full of commencements,
and all because the schools are
closing.-New Orleans Picayune.
The Boston Transcript has dis
covered that we meet great many
warm friends during the heated
term.
More jolies.-a new song is en-
titled "Grandfather's Pants" is
it dedicated to Schurtz Boston
Score.
Worried Father.-Don't forbid
their staying out there and chat
ting. Just paint the gate every
day.-Free Press.
A drink in the morning for ap-
petite. A dozen drinks later in
the day for another 'appy tight
New Orleans Picayune.
A correspondent wishes to know
if the "Lay on MacdulT" was one
of Shakspeare's earlier poems
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The Whitehall Times man, who
has tried both, says: "Kissing by
telephone is about as satisfactory
as scratching your head with a
sunbeam.
When q hoy has a gold watch
presented to him he will cheerfully
travel two miles to regulate it in
the presence of his enemies.-An.
drew''s Bazaar.
Is there anything more delicious
than baked clam Eek. We can't
think of anything just now, unless
it may be q piece of sole leather
fried in oleomargarine.-Norris-
town Herald.
A Detroit Alderman brags that
he "remembers in his youth being
held on Andrew Jackson's knee"
What we now want to know is,
whether Andrew used shingle or
his hand.-Boston Post.
Breaking an awkard silence.
Mrs. Montague Smart Suddenly,
to bashful youth, who has not
opened his lips since he was intro
duced to her a quarter of an hour
ago)-"And now let us talk Of
something else."-Punch.
j. L. G.-"If you have been in
suited by man who weighs de-
cidedly more than you do, there
are two things for you to do, and
two only. You can bear it with
Christian fortitude, or you can
hire a still heavier man to show
him the error of his ways."-Puck.
A family of young ladies who
reside in this city, so often enter
tain their comuany on the front
stoop that they have gained the
title of the step sisters.-Free
Press.
But isn't it rather humiliating for
them so shamefully to "Stoop to
Conquer"
A coquette came out of a fancy
goods shop loaded with purchases.
"You have renewed your provi-
sion," said rival. Don't speak
of it, have quite ruined myself.
/ have bought thousand things
do not need, among others six
tooth brushes" "Ah, one for each
TOOTH said tie other sweetly.-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-05-28
TWENTY YEARS AGO.

We observe that certain newspapers of the
Deputy Democratic persuasion, with whom the
wish perhaps is father to the thought, are busy
running parallels between the possible result
at Chicago and that which came of the National
Democratic Convention at Charleston in 1860
The nomination of Grant they say, will be the
signal for breakup of the Republican party,
and the campaign of 1880 will be carried on
with two Republican candidates in the field
lust as Douglas and Breckenridge divided the
vote of the Democracy twenty years ago. They
are looking to see the tactics of the thlrd-term
leaders, as developed in the management of tho
State Conventions in New-York, Pennsylvania
and Illinois by Senators C0nking, Cameron,
and Logan, carried to their logical conclusion
in the forcing of Grants nomination upon an
unwilling Convention and divided party, and
thereon bolt organized which will imme-
diately take action and set up rival Rcpubli-
can ticket. This division, they say will DO at
once the precursor and the sign of defeat and
dissolution and the result of it may be ex-
pected in a long period of Democratic rule.
They go too far in their search for historic
parallel for an event that is, to say the least,
very uncertain. We can offer them another.
which seems to us much more reasonable and
probable, and which will not take them outside
the annals of the party itself. Tho situation
to-day is almost perfect counterpart of that
which existed twenty years ago upon the as
sembling Of the second National Republican
Convention. Mr.. Seward was the leading
candidate for the nomination. 1t was q clear
and undisDuted plurality, His supporters wero
the most thoroughly organized, Ihis backing in
men Of influence and prominence the most
formidable, and the confidence in his success
most absolute. For week before tho meeting
OF the ,ConvenHona Chicago was filing Iup with
devoted friends and adherents of hie cause.
These friends were diligent and active in all
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-05-28

racy. He was pretty well known as secret
operator in National politics and when ne wrote
to Mr. Springer over his own name, urging that
Washburn should be unseated, he laid great
stress upon the important effect that action
might have in the determination OF the Presi-
dency, and in shaping the fortunes of certain
friends in New-York," in whose name ana
by whose authority he professed to speak.
Mr.. Finley was an active agent OF Governor
T1lden during the last campaign, and he took
pains to let Mr.. Springer know that he was
" still in the most confidential relations" with
that eminent Claimant. Naturally, when the
scandal arose, there was a general desire to
dlsclaim all responsibility for him, as there had
been on previous occasion for PeltOn, Weed,
WOOllcy, and Marble; and like those amlaole
persons, Mr. Finley was quite ready to assent
to the reputation. But just when the whole
party had agreed that they did not know one
another, Mr. Abram S. Hewitt stepped forward
with friendly letter to Mr.. Finley, testifying
that he was employed in the most confidential
capacity by the Democratic National Committee
in 1876, and that he always proved faithful to
the trust repOsed in him,-a letter which, 1t Is
hardly necessary to say, was read with uncOn-
cealed chagrin by most OF the Democratic
party. There has been no doubt, since the APP
pearance of that letter, of Mr.. Finley's rela-
tons to the friends in NeWYOrk"; and no
doubt that he told the truth when he assured
Congressman Springer that these same
friends were anxious to have Washburn
unseated for the sake of the larger interests in
vOved in the contest Of this year. There was
scheme on foot for Selling the Presidency,
and the coveted seat might be needed Tor It,
That was the rnmistakable purport of the
signed letter to Mr.. Springer; and the man who
wrote the letter is recognized by Mr.. Hewitt as
a secret agent, in good standing, of the Demo-
cratic National Committee; is known to have
been also a confidential emplOye of Mr.. Tilden;
and declares in the letter itself that he still
represents the persons for whom he was acting
III 1876 and 1877.
If he was acting for friends In New-YOrk"
when ne wrote the signed letter urging Mr..
Springer to vote for DOnnelly, it is to be pre-
sumed that he was acting for the same friends
when he wrote the anonymous letter offering
the same gentleman $1,000 to vote against
DOnnelIy. Tie political methods of the friends
III New-YOrl offer highly interesting study
to those who are interested in public morals,
and VIC hope the Committee will not dismiss
Mr.. Finley until they have endeaVOred to find
out from HIM exactly who these friends are.
But we have not much hope that they will ex'
tract from him any information that can be de-
pended upon.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-05-28

ceived the forty seven and half votes remain
ing. No one in the Convention had the hardi-
hood to demand that the dissenting delegates
should be required to vote against their judg-
ment, but their action stood unchallcnged.
Again: In the same Convention, it is re-
lated in THE TRIBUNE of May 10, 1860,
@When Maryland was called, two delegates
@claimed their right of individual votes.
q A 6er some discussion, the Convention rejected
the vote as cast by the chairman, and received
the votes of the delegates separately"
We commend these presidents to those in
sane gentlemen whose heads have been turned
by leadership ntrusted to them, and who have
convinced themselves that Republican delegates
have no rights, and that they may safely play
the role of dictatOrs. The Republican party
will tolerate no such impertInence. 1t sprang,
full-armed and mighty, out of a reaction
from the OdiOus and repressive tactics of slave
drivers. Representing the magical thoughts of
" Free Soil and Free Speech" it smote the
enemies of both, hip and thigh, and 1t wavered
not, though its work carried it through smoke
and fire up to the jaws of death Strengthened
by this victory, 1t to-day adds to its Old-time
watchwOrls the inspiring demands Of Fair
"Play and Equal Rights" Whoever dares, let
him interpose his puny arm. 1t will be ground
to powder. The Republican party Is in no
mood to parlcy with statesmen who shine only
as bullies or as upstairs. The airs Of the
slave driving era will be out of place in the
Republican National Convention of 1880.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1880-05-28
FINLEY and HIS FRIENDS.

It seems to be almost certain, from the testi-
mony of the experts in handwriting examined
by the House Committee of Investigation. that
the famous Mr.. Finley was the author of tho
anonymous letter to Congressman Springer,
Offering that gentleman 5000 if he would pre-
vent DOnnelly from stealing Washburn's seat
As Finley was lobbying for DOnnelly, thi5 was
the obvious course for him to adopt; since
nothing could prejudice a gentleman of Mr..
SprinRers character moro violently against
Washburn than the offer of bribe to vote for
him. and when the letter was first published
it was no doubt the impression of almost every
body that 1t came from the Democratic side.
Now that the authorship has been traced, the
exact position of Mr.. Finley in the affair of tho
Minnesota contest becomes once more topic of
public interest. For although Finley appeared
openly as the friend and agent Of Ignatius Dom
Rclly, it was understood at the National Capital
that no Represented interests much more ex-
tensiye than those OF the Minnesota DemOc4