The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-04-27
- 1-=- - --' t1"'' = ''N''-SfN-
II noon TO MARRIED MEN.

II BOON TO MARRIED MEX.
An Ingenious Invention Which Saves Many
Curtain Lectures.
Cincinnati enquirer.
Miraculous inventions are the order
Of the day. Even Edison has been
surpassed by genius who has invent
eel what is called u "Marricd Mans
Indicator.' 1t is n wonderfully sensi-
tive arrangement Of the ordinary thcr-
momctcr in convenient pocket size,
and is graded to Il scale Of cabalistic
marks, which shows the exact state of
the atmosphere at any hour Of the
night. The hard worked and bclated
husband arrives at home, say at mid
night. He takes out his "indicator,"
thrusts it in the kcyholc and leaves it
there few seconds. Pulling it out
quickly, he scans the dial by the noon
lights fitlul cleaning. 1t marks IS.
A." (sound asleep the poor husband
pulls Off his boots noiselesslv, uses his
night key with bated breath, gives the
door quick shove to keep it Eoni
crcaking, steals trcmblinyly to bed,
and when his dear little wiiey wakes
up about two seconds attcrwarl and
wants to know how long hc has been
home, he is SO sound asleep that Ga
briefs trumpet couldn't wake him.
eff the "indicator' scores ga. A.
&c. B. ID. X. W. r." (awake, awful
cross, but does not know what time it
is) the husband puts Il few morc grains
of coffee in his mouth; opens the door
boldly; walks in with II slam-bang
air; hits his foot Intentionally against
chair; wants to know why the devil
the chairs ain't kept out Of the way;
gets desperately mad on general prin-
ciplcs; scarcs his wife clear out Of her
crossncss and intended curtain-lec-
ture; refuses to let her get up and
strike II match-ncvcr did like light
at night, nohow; remarks grufily in
response to timid query that .it's
about twenty-five minutes after ten"
and then turns into bed in such un nD-
parcntlv awful stutc OF mind that the
wife OF his bosom is afraid to speak to
him-at which he is very sad, Of
course.
There are numerous other marks on
tho indicator showing just where it
will do to "play the lodge dodge" or
tho "sick tricnd;" or "bccn standing
Oil tho Corner talking with so-and-so
for more than an hour" or "gehcral
or honorable this or that from you
know where, was in town, and had to
go away Oh the two O'Clock train, and
he insisted so strongly that the whole
party stayed up to sec him oil, although
it was great bore, we only did it
through courtesy"
But the most awful Of all tho cabalis-
tic signs on the dial is the one on the
top, about two marks above boiling
| irf 4
come home about four a. nl., from the
direction ofthc butcher shop, with q
roll of meat held high in tho air, so
that everybody he rasscs cannot fail
to sec ii, and sticks tho ''indicator" in
the kcyhole, he is almost too weak to
draw it out. With hair on end he
reads it by the faint light streaming in
upon him from the eastern hills; and
sweat breaks out on his noble brow in
drops as large as walnuts, as hc secs
the bulb Of the indicator jammcd
smack up against "R. III. s. II. w. Il.
Y. J. l. r." Ocdhot and still heating
and waiting for you just inside the
door). The inventor Of the instru-
mcnt says that when this terrible mis-
there is nothing left in this life worth
|
force Of those beautiful lines:
"This world Is all n fleetlng show,
| For mans dciusion given"
Tic sings tho meat out into tho yard
and braces himself for tho coming
fray, but sais nothing for nothing can
he said. BE he ever So gifted liar,
his accomplishments is more than val
uclcss. No lodge, no sick friend, no
talking OH the corner. no sitting up to
see the general of, no swearing that
he will never do it again-in fact moth
ing will avil. 1t is an absolutely in
dctcnsiblc case. Flo is caught IN Ra-
granite dclicto. Evcn.thc ghostly gaic-
ty with which, two hours previous, he
had said to the boys that he "gucssed
he'd sec tout now-might as well bc
killed for a sheep rs Il lamb"-Iad all
vanished. The Indicator having told
him the exact situation of things he
knows just what to do, and that is
nothing, but to get into bed at once
and to wrap the drapcry Of his couch
about him, pull the pillow over his
ears, and wait for his Wifc's breath tC
give out. It's awful while it lasts, but
it has its use in relieving tho unfortu.
nate husbands mind Of part Of its
load.
The Indicator is great invention
and no family should be without one
For sale at all stores. where they arc
kept.
THE PROPOSED BANKRUPT LAW
Mr.. Hutchins, Il Democratic member
Of the House Of Representatives, ha!