The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-03-25
BRTC-f-BRiC.

l
The &un tries to shine all over
David Davis ut once. Itcan't be done.
Proposals arc in order, girls. Re-
member no bachelor should be with
out Olie.
The Sherman boom needs a bloody
shirt or something of that sort just to
give itstyle.
"A lady who was asked her age by
an lnquisitivc man viciously presented
him with Il fifteen puzzle.
"A little fellow who was asked how
John the Baptist was clothed, answer
ca: "ln coarse garments Of camci's
hair, eight locusts and wild honey"
"A ship sailed from Boston recent
~ with the usual carg0-cight hum
drcd thousand gallons ofrum and one
missionary.
The Blaine club in Washington
opens with prayer. The last time
Blaine Traycd, lie went on his knees to
Mulligan.
The fifteen puzzle solutions are as
plentiful as blackbcrrics in August.
but the trouble is, these solutions don't
soloOt.
"Mamma, what are twins made
tori" Her precious brother replied:
80 that cannibals may cat plilopu-
mas"
On Ti)dcn when The Sun laid low.
inc fatcS decrccd that Sam must go,
And dark as thunder was The flow
or bourbon rolling rapidly.
-"Thc LIAR" "Thc Fool" and "Thc
Ioltlcian" arc three PLAYS now run
ming in New York at different houses.
Comment seems unnecessary.
Adultcration is so prevalent in thc
liquor trade that several Dcmocratic
congressman have expressed desire
TO swap their iron clad oaths for iron
cad stomachs.
The revival Of trade makes great
dlifcrcnce in mcn's morality. The Sec
rctary OF the Treasury is rccciyiuw
many contributions to the conscience
fluid.
MANY Young lady who aspires to
famc ri0 pcncil, brush and canvas
would become "rising" artist at once
II she would turn her attention to
bread~mnking.
An Ohio girl sued la man for a
preach OF promise. and proved him
Such mean scoundrcl that the jurv
ucclocd she ought to pay him some
thlng for not marrying her.
1.-Two kentucky maidcns have opcn-
hiacksmltl-shop, and it is an inter-
estlhg sight to sce.a mule blush when
the girls accidentally tickle him while
putting on his now shoes.
One Of The most solemn difficulties
under the Empire is going to be TO
lind place somewhere near the sizc
OF Roscoe Conkling. The ordinary
glitter aud pomp OF imperialism will
not begin to answer his purpose.
,-Jamcs: Yours received. 1t is call
cd Il drop curtain, because when it
goes down the boys GO out fora 2ryp
ol something, custom handed down
from tho days OF Slakcspcarc.--En.
"A DeaGwood society had q cane
Votcd to the handsomcst man in town
by the ladies, and the man selected is
lurking in the woods till the men Of
Dcadw0od will give him u chance to
get out Of the country.
-"Do you ever cXpec 1t to make Il
newspaper that will suit everybody ?> n
veteran editor asked. mo, sir" was
the answer, land 1 don't want to; a
newspaper that would suit everybody
wouldn't be worth rcadimg."
The ballots for the ladies who vote
at the next election will probably be
cut on the bias or scolloped. 1t will
not be at all strange if VIC hear them
cXclaim; "iicr ballot is old-faslioncd:
it doesn't look fit to be seem"
-"Thcre arc seventeen and half
men to every female in the Territory of
Dakota" "Well," said Miss Jones,
splnstcr, when she read the above
item, eft girls knew what know,
they'd take that half man rather than,
none at ALL"
"A woman who has her sarrct full
OF "yarhs' Of all description, and
homc.'nadc scrap-book containing u
cure for every i'll that flesh is heir to,
always applies to a ncighbor when she
wants remedy for the rheumatism or
sore throat.
An cntcrprising American ship
ped some whcclbarrows to Rio janet
70, and the natives filled them full of
stones and such, and carried them on
their heads. They said it was capi-
tai contrivancc, and wondered how
they had managed to get along SO many
years without 1t.
One of the New York boarding.
school keepers hires detective to fol-
low her procession OF pupils when
they take their daily walks, in order to
guard against any attempt at Irritation.
Unless the detective is saint, he will
have twenty tlirtations on his own
hand within week.
-"My boys" said a kind OIL City
teacher, eff you would be president of
the United States, you must be good
and studious." "Who wants t. bc
president" yelled out young chap
from back scat. "Pd ruthcr be
Bfilcr Bill and shoot an Injun." And
the boys all choruscd, "Ticm's our
sentiments. s."-De,Tich.
The taking Of the census will cost
81. 100000 but there is really no need
of imposing this additional burden on
the taxpayers OF the country. BY sim
ply allowing women to stale their age
at any figure they choose on payment
OF one dollar, the entire amount could
be easily raised.
The height Of fashion at tbe Court