The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1880-09-03
VARIETIES,

A Western paper heads the marriage Of
bachelor of fifty-seven years, Another Old
Landmark Gone"
Why is it that whisky straight will make
man walk crooked? Probably because you
drink it. Did you never think ofthat? You
leave the whisky in the jug and it will not
make you walk crooked.
The best receipt for going through life in
an exquisite way, with beautiful manners, is
to feel that everybody, no matter how rich or
how poor, needs all the kindness they can
get from Others in the world.
| -"Therc is nothing like settling down" said
a retired merchant confdentialy to his
nelghbor. "When gave up business set
tied down, and found had quite comforta-
bic fortune. If had settled up wouldn't
| have had n cent"
| -"1cs am to be married, my dear friend
The young lady is pretty and very clever yet
she cannot play the piano-forte. That is her
only falling why, | should call that a
blessing. 1t is certainly no fault p "Hcar
me through, She cannot play the piano-forte
and yet she always insists on playing~
| -"Ics daughter, you should go somewhere
| this summer. You cannot stay at home dur
ing warm weather and live. To be sure,
your mother, who hasn't been out of town
since she was married, can stand it, but then
she is old-fashioned, and doesn't know any
| better; and besides, she has fun enough doing
| the washing and ironing. BY all means, go.
| Get linen buster and basket and go at once"
-"Make me nice easy coat" said noted
| pulpit orator of Chicago to his tailor one day
| lately, zone that's loose and roomy enough
\ for me to stretch up in and grow eloquent
over, you know" "Yes, understand" said
the tailor, with a twinkle in his eye; "you
| want me to make you one gesture size
What's it, exactly" exclaimed the divine, as
| he laughed at the tailor's merry pun; zone
that can just swing myself into"
| Said Angelina suddenly breaking the
| oppressive silence: Don't you feel afraid of
| the army worms, Theodore that are coming
| so rapidly this way?" The question was
| so strange that Theodore's surprise caus-
| ed him to look right at Angelina for the first
| time in his life. "Why did she ask that ?" he
wanted to know. "Oh nothing" she re-
piled, as she toyed with her fan, "only the pa
pers say they cat every green thing wherever
they go
"A bachelor uncle to whom his niece ap-
piled for advice on the question of choosing
between two sutors, one of whom was rich
| and the other poor-the latter, of course be-
| ing the most ardent, as the favorite lover
sententiously replied: "My dear, the ques-
| ton being stripped of all illusory elements
your choice simply lies between love and
| beef. Now love is an idea, while beefis n re-
| atty. Love you can live without, but beef
you must have. Therefore make sure Of your
| beef"
"A man who had missed his way fortu-
nately overlook boy going with a pot of tar
to mark his masters sheep He asked him
| the road to Bantf, but was directed by so
many turnings, right and left that he agreed
to take the boy behind him on the horse
Finding the boy pert and docile, he gave him
| some wholesome advice, adding occasionally,
mark me well, my boy" yes, sir, do"
He repeated the injunction so often that the
boy at last cried out, Il Gamma mark We ony,
mair, as the tar has gcen oot'