Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1880-12-09
The Christian Lady and the News.
bow.

The Christian Lady and the News
boy.
After the Thanksgiving supper to
the newsboys at the Young Mems
Christian Association rooms, Thurs
day night, when the boys had got
filed clear to the back teeth, one
good little lady thought she would
get in a little work for the Master,
so she singled ont q smutty.nosed'
freckled, dirty little gamin, sat down
beside him, patted him on the shoul-
der, and asked him how he had en-
joyed himself.
"Bully," says he, picking some
turkey out of hollow tooth with
his finger nail "This is the most
scrumptious lay. out 1 have enjoyed
since my first wife's funeral. Here,
give me some OF that zebra cake ?''
The lady was little taken back.
but she asked, "My little man, do
you know anything about heaven r.
"Well. not of my own knowledge.
| have heard considerable about it.
DO they pass pieces of turkey
around In market basket in heav.
en-, aud let the boys snatch for
keeps ?"
SO, no." says the good little lady.
"They doL't eat in heaven as we do
here. The air is full of strength and
glory, and they never think Of eat.
ing there"
THAT let's me out" says the boy,
as he sbied a cracker into the eye
of his partner across the table. ~
can get wind pudding enough here,
without going to any summer re-
sort, What do they do there p
., they sit around the great
white throne and sing praises, oil
are angels there, and it is one long
eternity of happiness, with no cold
weather"
Say, what're ye givin' us2 Would
| be a nangel if / went to heaven p
"Csrtainly,you would be bright,
sweet angel. if you were good, and
you would have o harp"
"What, be al angel with these
hands. Lord bless you, Miss, if
should pat little female angel on
the wing with these hands it would
leave smut on her, and she would
have TO be sent 20 the wash. But
say. Miss, do the male and female
angels flock together up there p
"Of course, why do you ask ?''
said the good WON n, who began to
think she was getting into deep
water.
SO, l was just thinking that it
would be bad for little female angels
If Mike Duffy was there. He swat
ted girl down on Erie street right
side of the face with piece of liver,
and kicked her on the socks whom
she was going to night school. O,
he's bad. But, do these angels have
to dress up? | have seen pictures
OF angels with nothing on. Don't
they wear fannels or anything2
"Why no. 1t is not cold there,
and all are pure and good, and a
poor angel is as good as q rich one.
Ali are alike"
"Weli, You wouldn't believe it to
lock at me, but wouldn't make no
slouch of an angel. You ought TO
see me when / am in swim ming.
Legs fat end chubby"
80, what would you do, think
you, were you to go to heaven p"
asked the lady, desiring to get off of
the angel subject.
"Weli, if could have good COR
ner where good many people
passed, would like to sell Peck's
Sun and the Chicago Times"
20, you foolish boy" said the
poor lady, almost moved to tears,
"they don't have any wicked papers
IN heaven"
"Say, Misc, you have been kind
to US boys, and we respect You, but
you have no right to say the Sun Is
wicked paper. It's q daisy, and
you bet your liver on it. If there is
no newspapers in heaven how is q
fellow to make a living2"
"You jou't have to make q living.
You juss join the angel band and
sing praises. It is one grand enter
tainment, better than any opera you
ever ettended."
"Yes, but / never would get in.
The door tender would bounce me.
| would have to stand cut on the
steps and wait till some fellow cams
out to get drink, and then beg for
his check. Ii 1 tried to slip by the
door tender Third ward cop would
run me in. Say, does the opera up
there hold over Humpty Dumpty p
"My sakes, poor boy, where have
you been raised ? You have no more
idea of the golden streets of the
New Jerusalem than Bob Ipgersoll."
"Golden streets! Gosh, but
should think the boys would steal
the pavement and 60 to circus
Well, / will meet you at Sunday
school. Ta,ta."
at this point the band struck up
in front of the Academy and the
angel jumped over the bile, turned
flip flap in the ball, slid down the
bsnnister on the half shell and went
out doors singing "Lots of fun at
Finnegan's wake" while the good
little lady went to washing dishes
ard wondering if it paid to fill up
such bows with boned turkey
PecKs Sun.