davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

A lawyer and a preacher were dis
cussing the direction OF the wind. The
former said: eve 60 by the court
house vane." "'And we go by the
church vane," replied the parson. "lr
the matter of wind that is the best au'
thority." SAID the lawyer. And the
preacher went home 10 cogitate.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
SING SING PRISON.

The republican politician who W; 8
removed from his position as o -
tractor in Sing Sing prison last week
because after he had sold his influence
for $500 he earned the money by
speaking a few words iu behalf OF
Lloyd Haigh, the forger, has been
harshly dealt with by his republican
superiors. Why should the man fare
worse than General Garfield, who
after he had sold his influence for
5000 earned the money by speaking
u few words to Boss Shepherd in be-
half of De Golyer, the pavement con-
tractor? The removed republican
politician may naturally ask himself:
why should | lose my profitable
connection and be RENTED to the
towpath of life, when General Gar.
field for dong substantially the same
thing is taken up bv My party to be
put into the White House 2" We adj
wise the injured man to Insist on al
explanation from Mr.. Hamilton Fish
"Take the c~levator,"is Inscribed O,
the fence OF an Iowa meadow. 4
curious traveller who climbed tn,
fence discovered in about ten second,
that the elevator is OF u dark brindl,
color, with a curl in the middle 0
his forehead.
The word CIV lcome" on the door
mat, or worked in silk floss an,
framed to hang on the wall, does no
ALWAYS mean that the relatives, eveI
unto the third or fourth generation
may come in at all times aud max,
themselves perfectly at home.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
ADMIsIsTRATOR,s NOTICE.

T ETTERS of administration on the estate OF
IL Mary y. Kavanuush deceased, We're granted
to Ike undersigned on the 2i day OF september
1850, by the Probate court OF Lafayette county
Missouri.
All persons having claims against said estate
are required TO exhibit them to me for llowahc
within one year after the date OF this notice, OF
they may be rrecluded from any benefit oil such
estate; and if such claims be not exhibited With
JOHN f. BURDEN,
sept4 Administrator.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
Twenty-Five Dwelling
and Store Houses

In Lexington. Some very desirable, and some
great bargains may he had. We invite all par
Ties who want to buy to call on us. and see our
list of lands and houses.
We also ask those who have property for sale
TO have 1t placed on our books, where it may be
seen by purchasers.
No charges made unless We sell the property
We VIII also rent and take charge of property
for non-rcsidents and others, pay taxes, &c.
E. WINSOR & son
Jan3 Real Estate aud Insurance Agents
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
n

NOTICE is hereby gwen to all persons inter-
IN ested in the estate OF Benjamin ellis,
deceased, that the undersigned. administrator
SAID estate at the November term of the Probate
court OF Lafayette county, Missouri, to be be-
gun and held at the probate court room, In the
city of Lexington, on the second Monday In
Ovember. 1850. THOMAS STANDlSH,
ZScpt4 Administrator.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

1t was Douglas Jerrold who showed
that the English language is quite able
to express the most intense emotion.
He said of a man who had proved him
self a thorough scoundrel: He would
sharpen a kniie upon his fathers tomb
stone to kill his MOTHER
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

The New Orleans Picayune says that
q retired tragedian Is an ex-acting man .
Should he return to the stage. Il re-ac-
ton NAV be expected to take place.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
j. IL. JORDAN.

Dry Goods cheap at J. K. JOEDAN'S.
Groceries cheap ut j. K JDRDAN'S.
Hats, new styles at L. JORDAN'S.
Notions OF all kinds ut j. K JOitJAN'S.
Glass and On, cnswarr ut J. X JORDAN5S.
Boots anc Shoes at j. X.
Game. - season, att. Il. JOR,AS'S. -
FRESH YEAST ut J. X. JORDAN'aL
Country Produc, bought ut j. l.. JORDANIS
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

1t often happens that preachers IN
Connecticut pray for rain on the same
day that those in New Jersey pray for
fair weather, and then New York has
IN take If
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

A Boston believer in Bob lngersoll
says: at a man smites you on one
cheek turn to him the other and whack
him over the head with whatever comes
handy"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

The Boelak Museum preserves all
interesting figure that is called "The
Bust of Pharaoh" The bust dates
back 10 the exodus, when too many
chips were passed in to be checked
at a critical moment after the banks
of the Red sea had been closed.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

Henry Bergh is going to emigrate to
Greenland. There isn't a solitary cat
there, and the nights are six months
1npp
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

A South End man asked a one-armed
organ grinder if he was a survivor OF
the late war, and the organist replied
'.Hang it, do l act as though l was
killed in it?
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
MONEY TO LOAN.
AN ART CLASS.

MISS BELLE L. GREENE having de- %<
INl cllned TO re-enter Central Female w
College the ensuing year, will be prepared ~
to take classes. at her home, in Oil Painting
Crayon. Wax and Shell Work, Hair Jewciry
Tapestry and any other work that may be de
sired.
Class Will open September LIST. TERMS liberal
Specimens OF work may be seen at No. i45 Frank
lin street. julyl0-2m'
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
Making love is a lost art.

We are inclined to fancy that the de-
mand for Blaine to stump California Is
not asgpresslng as it was.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
Market.

In this report the wholesale prices are given In
column. In country produce, the figures on the
left denote what the merchants are paying, AND
on the right the prices ut which they sell:
FLOUR-Fancy flour per SACK ) = 10
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

is STRONGLY ENDORSED.
Rev. E. F. l.. GAUSS. Galena. Ills. writes
pains in the small of the back and region OF the
Kidneys, which was most excruciating and at times
almost insuffcrable. Doctoring brought no relief,
and was finally advised to 90 abroad and seek the
climate of my youth. In Germany and Switzerland,
eminent physicians, after close examinations, dc
clared my suherings to arise from disease OF the
Kidneys. of long standing. and could do me no good.
| was, however, benefited by the climate and con-
sequently returned. No sooner had l been back and
again so intense as to make life n burden. \ few
months ago l came in possession OF one OF DAYS
Kidney Pads; put it on, and the effects were itn!y
wonderful. The pains at once grew less and are now,
after wearing the second Pad, entirely gone, and there
can be no doubt that l am entirely cured, as write
this some weeks after its use, and am strong and J" k
fectly voluntarily, and it is dictated only by truth and
gratitude. Indeed, i consider the Dav Kidney PidCo.
Gods agents and great benefactors of mankind. May
all the suffering be helped US l have been is my ear
nest WISH
CHAs. DAVIS, - Myrtle Street, Rostcr.:
I" have now used DAYS KIDNEY PAD thirty dass.
and it has done me more good than any remedy
ever tried"
LARfMORE & DEAN, Druggists. Niles. Mich.
| 80 years in business)-"DAY's KIDNEY fAn is
having Large Ra!e and gives better general satlsfac-
ton than any remedy we ever sold.''
CASPER WEiTZEL, Policeman. Lancaster.
PA have been q great sufferer from Kidney
complaint, and after wearing your Pad % days feel
Dr.. A. sTONER, Decatur, Ills. Pad
is doing great; good. here. 1t sells every day and
| gives universal satisfaction"
For sale by druggists, or sent by mail free Of
POSTAGE on receipt OF the price-Reguiar Pad, S2Ge;
Special Pad extra size, $500; Glildren,s: Sl.ao.
tory of this new discovery, and a large record Of
most remarSasle slres; sent FREE en- Write Tn iT i; I'D
CAUTION. n eyi Psl to n sss s @slGg T9 a sais on k Ssf
reputation; We deem ,dnS the afflicted to warn them.
Co.. O r~ ,,l Io-nn
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
RATES.

Subscribers to the IntellIgencer can obtain our
Clubbing Rates on foreign papers and periodl-
Gals vt amy time daring the Year. In addition
to the above we extend TO our subscribers the
benefit OF lowest club rates 10 all other leading
mnxaxIneS and periodicals
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

The specifc Medicine is being Used win Won
derfui success. Pamphlets sent Tree To all.
Write Tor them and get full particulars Price,
Specific, 81 90 per package, or six packages for
50 90 Address all orders to J b. SIMPSON
MEDICINE CO.. Nos. l0i and log Main ST.,
Buffalo. \ Y. Sold in Lexington by Chas. l..
Lo0mls. and drngglsis ivory here. ~imncl2yI
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

oS 2
suliinS IT o II
Self Abuse hi
Men tai anxiety,
Loss Of Memo
ry, L II 5 in
Back or Side,
and dIseas Z s
that /, al to con-
sumption. l n
sanity and an
early & 1 v e
"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

To the font again with good news for their
customers. They now have much better advan-
tages in buying goods than ever, and advantages
that no house west Of St. Louis has, namely: Our
Mr.. Bleeding is now senior partner OF a Wholesale
Grocery House in St. Louis, and he, being in the
Wholesale Business exclusively, and knowing all
the points, can buy goods for this house very
much cheaper than ever before, and SO much
cheaper that no house in the county can touch
our prices.
Mr.. Vim. Clagett will have charge of this
house, aud our Goods will be Fresh and New,
and we will always have everything new as soon
as it comes out. You will find the largest line
of Fancy Goods in the city at our store We
make a specially of genuine English, French and
Italian Goods.
Remember it is vim, judgment and ready
cash that makes our business go.
We have an immense line of Choice Sugars.
A large line of very Choice CoHees-Mocha,
Java, Pea Berry, Golden Rio and extra Rios.
We have by far the largest stock of Goods
in the county.
The grass does not grow, neither do the
spiders spin their webs, nor do the statesmen
have a startled or unexpected look when d Gus
toner enters the Mammoth grocery house Of
Beeding& C|agett.
F. S.-The young ladies of our colleges will find the
Purest and Finest Candies in the city at our store also the
largest and cheapest line of Toilet Soaps.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
COAL LANDS,

on the lines of the railroads which offer raro
Chances Tor speculation. Also several thou
sand acres Of uninpro,e ed land in North, West,
and Southwest Missouri. Also
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
e. WINSOR & son
REAL ESTATE ACDNTS,
NO..

LAVE tor sale Il large number of Farms In
1 Lafayette County, in tracts varying from 40
acres to 800 acres, some well improved and in
improvements.
These lands are IN different parts of the coun-
ty, some Of them on the line Of the railroads
running through the county. All are offered ut
low prices. and many OF them on long time.
Also we have desirable tracts of
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
NerS Ous Sufferers THc Great
European Remeoy-Dr. J. Il.
Sim sons Specific Medicine.

is a positive cure for 81 ermatorrlea, Seminal
L Weakn css, lmpotency. and all diseases re-
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02
PACIFIC RAILROAD TIME TABlE.

Trains for Kansas City and West.---.1:OOA -
Trains for St. Louis East ami South. :OOPh
Trans for Kansas City West..-.----:.3WfM
Trains for %
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

From Kansas City and all points West. 80 N
ct. Joe and points North-......-.-I:WP n
n. G BISHOP Agent.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1880-10-02

ARRIVE AT
Trains from St. Louis and all pointsEas
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30

tropolis, to waste time in beating down
for pence, for shillings or even for bounds
sterling. From the steamers, and tho
Dutch eel boats, hung with cages round
the sit!es, and fitted with wells inside to
keep the fish alive; from the heavy barges
laden with shrlmpy, which arc shoveled
llke grain into baskets, or with mud. color
ed founders caught by and beyond Black.
friars bridge, from the railway vans in the
narrow roadways, crowded with flat.fis
ana tresh-watcr fish, or with huge baskets
running over with sllmy eels, the porters
make their way In and out OF the market.
!he numerous narrow by-ways that radiate
from the base of the "tall bully that lifts
it's head and lies"-in Latin-are tbronged
with costermonyers' carts and barrows, 90
that tor the general public these 80 called
thoroughfares are positively impassab;e up
to 0 or 10 o'clock.
AS the market exists, It's business is car
ried on with all possible propriety, and TAX
ing into consideration that lis lowest cham.
Der, which by the way, is scarcely ever
used, is ten feet below the level Of the riv-
er' 1t is Kept remarkably dry. This has to
pe eifectcd, however, by means of steam
power, which keeps continually pumping
the water out from under the flooring and
which would if allowed to rise, flood the
building IN thirty-six hours. Strange to
say, too, this drainage is not water from
nc river, for 1t Is perfectly pure and taste
ess, but 1t is supposed to percolate through
he earth from the coal exchange opposite,
where 1t is said the Romans of old had ca.
tablished spring baths.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30
Ancient 'coInDB In Switzerland.

An interesting find of ancient tombs
supposed TO have formed part of Burgun.
dian burying ground, was made a short
time ago at Assens, a village of the canton
or Vaud. These tombs, which follow each
other in,regular order, are followed out of
the rock on a hill at the entrance of the
village, about three feet below, tie soil.
l'Ihey are each two metres long and eighty
cen imetres wide. At the head Of each
grave ts a fiat stone, dressed, but bearing
no inscription. The bones are disposed in
the ordinary way, as If the bodies to which
they belonged had been laid down in a
horizontal position, and not vertically, as
In some tombs lately opened at Chamblan-
des, III the same canton. Fragments of
tibiae, femurs, and the clavicles were found,
but no skulls. One of the tombs contained
the bones Of an adult and an infant, pre-
sumaOly of q mother and her child. Among
the objects found are pieces of curlollsly
wrought and chased metal and silver rivets,
the remains probably Of warriors glaive
and sword-belt. In another OF the tombs
was bellmouthed vase of tho capacity of
half litre black as to It's exterior, but in
substance yellow. Whether the material,
Of which it is composed be stone or burnt
eagth has not yet been determined. Inside
as well as outside there are traces of
lozenge- shaped figures executed apparently
with some craving tool. The chief inter.
est of these tombs consists In the fact that
they are almost certainly coeval with the
arrival of tho Burgunoans In the Jura
country in the fifth century whittier they
were called by the aboriginal inhabitants
to repeople the land, almost depopulated
by an INVASION Of the Allemain. Being
for the most part shepherds and hunters,
they dwelt chiefly on the mountain slopes
and in elevated valleys. The plateau of
Mount Jorat appears to have been one of
their most important settlements, and there
can be little doubt that the origcn Of Asscns,
as well as of Cheseaux, where also Bur
gundan tombs have been found, dates back
some :, 400 years.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30
DOT u Corn err,

On Que of the morning trains over the
Erie road, the other day, a farmer. looking
man, walked the length of car, without
finding an empty seat, and he slowly re-
turned 10 one occupied by lone man, who
at once spread himself out as much as pos
sible, and suddenly became deeply inter-
ested IN his newspaper. The farmer halted
beside tho seat, but the other made mo
movement. Even after full minute had
passed there was no sign that ho meant to
share his quarters with the other.
Then the farmer gently touched his arm
and said:
''If you can hang on long enough youth
make fortune" ..
"What-what's that, sIr3" demanded
the other, as he locked up.
'It's big thing-hang on to it," whis-
pered the farmer.
What Is It? What do you mean sir?"
81 tumble; but won't give it away
chuckled the farmer.
"What do you mean, sir2''
( II mean that you've got the biggest cor
ner on the hog market ever known In this
country, and If yon don't mako million
dollars out Of 1t Iii eat Goldfish for year. II
Half of the scat was suddenly vacated,
but the farmer preferred to stand up and
brace against the stove.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30
"And 1 Did"

In one of Micfigan's interior towns live
a couple known as the ''Siamcse TWINS. {"
They are always together. No one IN the
Village ever remembers seeing ono un-
accompanied by the other. They go to
church together. they split wood together,
they walk the streets together and they fight
together. Not long ago, after severe
battle, d gentleman SAID to the feminine
twin: ...lll.2
Sarah Jane, why do you pumrhel your
unprotected husband sor Thiak how bad
you would feel Ii he would die."
'Oh," said Sarah Jane in a tone that
showed the matter was settled In her mind,
1--WE will die together. We made that ar
rangcmont when we were married. You
see John Henry was married before, and
seven days after his first wife died he came
to me and asked me to marry him, John
Henry said /, you ought to bo ashamed
OF yourself. Only seven days a widower.
You should at least have respect enough
for your late wife to wait q reasonable time.
Come back ten days after the funeral and
III marry YOU And I did"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30
The Sugar Beet and its Products.

1t Is not generally known that very
vigorous efforts are in progress TO introduce
sugar-making from the beet. The State OF
Delaware has COMMISSION organized to
award premiums to farmers for raising
crops Of the sugar-beet, seven premiums
aggregating $400 being awarded for crops
of 16 tons of roots per acre and over. and
seven smaller premiums for crops of TO
Is tons per acre, The Delaware Beet
Sugar Company has large factory 58 by
] 40 feet, intended to work up the crop Of
the present yea, and has contracted for the
produce of 400 acres, in addition to ia
acres grown by the company. During last
year eleven farms attempted the cultivation,
and the official report OF the quantities
grown shows that the product ranged from
u tons TO 26 tons to the acre, five of them
exceeding 10 tons, and that the, calculated
product Of sugar per acre ranged from ,407
pounds, the lowest, to 4,488, pounds, the
highest. Seven of the farms exeeeked 2,4O0
pounds of sugar per acre. The percentage
Of sugar was also high, IN all but three
cases exceeding 10 per cent. The percent
age of sugar increases If tho gathering Of
tho roots is delayed; those pulled In Au-.
gust yielding st per cent; in September,
SO 10 per cent, and in October, 8 98-100
per cont. ~
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-30
Cured by Bassy Pudding.

Doctor Radcliffe cared but little for book,
and yet he left 100000 to found the
library at Oxford University, which bears
his name. A friend, visiting him, asked
where his study was. Pointing to a few
yials and skeleton, he replied, "This is
Radcliffe's library"
Though one Of the most successful phy-
sicians Of lis day, he seemed to ignore
physic. He once remarked, that when he
began practice he had twenty remedies for
every disease, but before many wears he
found twenty diseases for which he had
but one remedy.
His reputation was due to the same
qualities which command success in all.de-
partments OF life--namely, quick pcnetra-
tlon, gocd sense, decision and fertility of
expcdients.
He was called to gentleman i'll of the
quinsy. Seeing that neither an internal
nor an external application would be of
any service, he ordered hasty pudding
to be made. When it was done, his own
servants having been instructed as to their
behavior, brought it to the patients room,
Come Jack and Dick" said the Doctor
as the pudding was placed on the table,
'eat as quickly as possible. You've had
no breakfast this morning."
Both began, but on Dlckis dip
ping his spoon. twice into the
pudding to Jacks once, they
quarreled. From words they went to
throwing spoonfuls of hot pudding at each
other; then handfuls. The patient was 80
much amused that he nearly burst with
laughter, and that burst the quinsy aud he
recovered.