Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1880-03-11
TWAIN AND DE QUlLLE.
Exterminating Redskins with Babbitt
Metal.

DISCRIMINATING Redskins with Babbitt
Metal.
From the Carson Appeal.
1t was nearly twenty years ago when
Dan De Quille and Mark Twain attempted
to start a paper in Mendocino county.
They took the type and material of their
recently dctunct newspaper establishment
in San francisco, and, loading the stuff
into a wagon, struck out into the country
to retrieve their fortunes. They packed
their type just as it stood in the forms,
tied up the articles with stout cords by a
process well known to printers, and, pack.
ing them closely in boxes, vowed to estab-
lish newspaper somewhere which would
be the leading exponent Of politics and
history for the Pacific coast. Had not an
unfortunate circumstance taken place. 1t
Is quite evident that the same newspaper
which they contemplated building would
have been alive to day. Their journey
over the mountains was utterly unevent-
full until they reached Simpson Station,
a spot well known TO old travellers on that
route. Here they met party of emf
grants making for Lower California, and
the latter had with them a small noun
tain howitzar, which they had brought
with them across the plains.
Twain took a great fancy to this gun,
and offered $50 for it, with two kegs Of
powder thrown IN The cmigrants were
glad enough to part with it, as they con
cuded the time for Its use had passed.
Dan thought the purchase of the artillery
and military supplies was a reckless piece
Of extravaganza, and said as much, but
Twain replied:
"WhCn we start our paper we must fire
Il Sllute. newspaper office with artll-
lcry has a big bulge on the business. No
wcl-regulatcd office in California should
be without howitzcr. If a man comes
in for a retraction we can blow him into
the next county. The howitzer goes.
This Silenced the argument, and the
next day the two journalists took the road
with their printing outfit and artillery.
On the next night they encampcl in
mountain ravlne fifteen miles from Simp-
son s, and after building the usual camp
fire, fell asleep. About II O'Clock the
horses awakened them by prancing about,
and the two journalists were led to the
conclusion that nothing less than party
|
of Indians were making arrangements for
a night attack. In the clear moonlight
they could be distinguished about half
mile away at the foot Of the ravine. The
idea of enceuntering Indians had never
entered the heads Of the two fortune
seekers, and they had no arms. Suddenly
Twain frightened up, remarking:
"Ihe kowitzcr."
"We've got nothing but a little pow
der" said Dan.
"Well, powderll scare EN-, and we'll
load her up"
The piece was Immediately loaded with
Il good big charge, and the two men felt
quite certain that the Indians, hearing
the roar Of the gun would beat an uucon-
htional retreat. The piece was hardly
loaded and placed in position, when about
fifty of the redskins came charging up the
ravine.
TWAIN seized board from the camp
Gre and was about to lay it on the touch
hole, when Dan yelled, Hold on, as he
rammcd something into the mouth OF the
piece, and remarked;
Turn 'er loose"
The rear Of the howltzGr echoed through
the lonely forests, and the savages, with
frantic cries Of pain, rceled down the
rayine in wild confusion.
"What in HI did you put imp asked
Mark.
"A column of Nonpareil and a couple
Of sticks OF young spring poetry"
"Portry dil NE husin"ss. Dan. Get
one OF your geological mHccs ready for
the next charge, and ~ '# it'll let the
, red devils out tor the present campaign.
The sayages again advanced. Mark at
tended to the powder and Dan sorted the
shot, so to speak,
"Jeems Pipes song. MY Mountain
Home. ~
E "Good for three Indians; sock 'er in, "
"An acrostic, by John Il. Ride, in long
primer"
9TH paralyze en-"
| Frank Pixley on the constitution, "
? half a column of loaded BREWER.
"If it hits 'cm the day is won.'
"Your leader on law and order"
Save it as a last resort
Dan pulled the type out of the boxes,
and stuffed column after column into the
{ howit2er's mouth as the savagcs cam
Il charging on. Another rOund from the
{ gun, and the redskins rolled over and
Y over each other like boulders swept away
+ by mountain cloud-burst. Mark, in an
7 ecstasy of delight, pulled an American
flag out of his effects, nailed it to the tail
board of the wegOn, and was ahaut tC
make a speech, when the dusky figures o
the foe were once more seen moving to the
attack.
/ The piece was again loaded, and thii
}. time with double charge. Marks leader
II on Law and Order" the puff of an auc
!, ton house by Fred McCreish las sick
!, ener," Dan said), Frank Gross verses OF
!, "Thc Rebel Yell, '" an agricultural artlcl,
Il by Sam Sebaugh, showing the chemica
~ properties OF corn juice as IN eduCationa
J, lever, maiden poetical effort of Ollv,
l. Harper and some verses by Col Cremen!
u and Frank Soulc completed the load.
10 "That poetry, reaching EN- first, vii
u throw EN- into confusion, and my edito
\ rial, coming upon the heels OF the rest
" will result in a lasting Generalization. ]
: will be like the last charge OF the Frencl
~ at the battle Of Austerlit2." D."
Is For the third and last time the faithful
ID howitzer belched lis typographical com
~ pliments to the advancing foe. Tn
i'd | havoc WIS leIllDlc' luCIG Muo u WIN
v yell from score of savage throats, an,
=, then the low groans of the dying tloatet
v up the ravine on the gentle wind. Tn
;;e two men walked over the field of slaughte
~ and counted ffty-six aborignnls lying il
~ heaps The bodies were horribly mutilat
e. ed with nonpareil, long primer, two. I'm
9t plea, bourgeois "caps," misere dashes
to and unsOrted pi.
or "My leader cooked that mans goose,
said Mark, pointing to a savage with hi
CO bowels hanging over the limb OF cedar
isl "My geological article did the bushes
II. for him, reioined Dan. nodding carelessl
NO to an Indian, whose head was lyin
ch twenty yards away.
Ie "T6e pen is mightier than the sword.
cs "You bet! Hurrah for Faust and GU
n, tenberg,"
III 'Is there any type leitP"
is "Not a pound"
,le Ten days later the two journalist
a tramps reached Virginia City, weary, di'
couraged, and footsore, and secured
place on the Enterprise.
"a few days ago Dan received the 70
lowing letter from his former partner;
HARTFORD, Conn, Jan. l, 1SS0.--DEA
ed DAN: | send you the congratulations
ch the New Year. Do you recollect the tin
,ot when we exterminated the unlettered (
oL savages in Mendocino countyp If yC
Vn oo, onara tho ti,na I wish vnu would NAL