Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-11-12
Practical Sermon from a ''soIld" Southerner

THE GRAVE.
VSrdeG IN the Alexandria Gazette.
Fellow Southerners, | lay before you
sfood for refectiDg;" whether you dlaes.
it well depends upon your own ''innaras'
The Southern born infant upon firs5 o''h-
ing its eyes and lifting up It's feeble voice
in this vale of tears is swathed IN fine '!t'.
en- from the North, and warmly wrappFa
in shawl, soft as swansdown MADE o'
Southdown wool from the mOunGalas VI
Virginia or Tennessee, woven i'll the looms
of Lowell, Mass. Later, lis little fsee are
encased in bright, red shoes from line
New Boston shoe House." Should It's ILL.,
tie stomach ache it is dosed with pafagorlc
made il Philadelphia laboratories 1t cn's
its teeth ON ''Goodyear's Patent Rubber
and between regular meals sucks mill
from bottle, sweet comfort, furnished
with patent India rubber nipple from tht
same delectable source. A little older and
it is pleased with a rattle" from Yam
kee ''dollar store" and may DO ''tlckled
with a straw" from a Connecticut broom,
and If its parents can afford it, Se luled
to repose III a patent self rckiny cradle.
the ingenious device of some thrifty VI an
kee. VINO wanted to do two things at the
Same time. Later on it swings from the
ceiling in some patent Yankee India rub
Der arrang -ment. while it sucks Irish ''ter-
IA alba with slight mixture of Louis
lana sugar. yclepted sscandy" by some en-
terpriSing Yankee cOnfectiOHer. A little
older it learns It's A. B. C'S from "Cran-
dies patent blocks'' and the whole history
of Noah and his family and his ark fresh
from German toy shop and reaching him
by way of New York. He lashes his leath-
or headed stick horse, with a whistle ham
die whip which his admiring uncle brought
him from the Philadelphia centennial. He
goes to school after awhile and drinks
knowledge out of books every one of which
bears copyright dated from Boston, New
York or Philadelphia. To have finished
education he must perforce board a few
years either at Y ale, Harvard or if inclined
to any particular art or profession it can
only be acquired in some Northern school
specially devoted to such purposes. But,
mark you, up to manhood he has neither
touched. tasted or handled anything save
his mothers milk, pure water or the fruits
of the earth, which has not had the North
ern trade mark on it.
Now he is man, a Southern man. How
then. His eyes on first awaking in the NOM
face of the clock on his mantlepiece, which
continually ticks Connecticut, COnnecti-
cut. lie jumps up, doffs his night gown
labelled New York mills,'' and dOns his
day shirt labelled "Wamsutta," but both
made of cotton from the fields of Alabama.
He pulls on his stockings, woven in ''Mas-
sachuSetts" from Texas wool, puts on his
drawers, made in Lowell, of Georgia or
Mississippi cotton, and finishes off with
coat, pants and vest of the very best ''slop
slop'' Philadelphia could afford. He rams
wad of Connecticut seed leaf in his jaw,
after pulling ON his boots, made in Lynn,
ON his wool hat, Rhode Island make, he
sallies out to feed his hogs. descended from
famous boar purchased at the price OF
five acres of land from a distinguished hog
fancier in PENNSYLVANIA. After chopping
a little wood, 1--WE all have to do that now
with Northern axe made of Pennsylva-
MIA iron, with handle of Virginia hicko-
ry shaped and fashioned in Maine, he sits
down ON Northern made chair, kicks his
heels up on Northern made andirons and
proceeds to draw his political Inspirations,
| if democrat, which all good SOutherners
are, from the New Y ork World' or the
| NEW OK Quiz, Wuilo Ills UItdhldSL Is
getting ready. He sits down, has ssEas-
tern herring or Eastern mackrel'' OF
| mayue New England cod fish, made into
| balls with mercer potatoes, the seed OF
which he got from Maine, favored by a
bite Of radish, the seed of which was raised
| in Ohio. After breakfast he fills his Ger.
man pipe, came in by way of New York
with Lorillard's Long Island best, me
votes 9, 900 republicans whose wages art
paid by every Southerner who smokes
his tobacco). Now TO ride, and be
| vaults into an .Ohio' pig skin tanned
with hemlock from the New Eng
land mountains. aud showing his feet into
Northern steel stirrups he goes out to set
bacon, are getting along with threshinp
wheat with his new ''Massilion,'' OF
"Y ork' vibrator thresher, run by New
Jersey steam engine. Other hands are fol
lowing with South Bend'' or ''Peek.
skill'' ploW, and his hay has just been cut
with Buckeye or "ChampiOn" mower
brought all the way from Ohio for the
purpose. After Ills land is well prepared
by an ssIllinOis gang plow or walking cul
tivator" or Tennessee Thomas harrow
be proposes to seed it with Superior OF
Bickford & Huffman OF some other N orth.
ern drill, using some 2 or 800 pounds Of
south Carolina bone, ground and thorough.
ly calculated some where up in New Y ork
or New Jersey. He will cut it with a
reaper, the best in the world, because ii
comes all the way from "Chicago;" and
when threshed, ship it in a Yankee vessel
to Yankee port for the English to eat
When his corn of a rare grade from Ches.
ter county, Pennsylvania, is ripe he will
cut it down with a Buckeye corn chop.
PERI all the way from OHIO, or maybe be
will use an old "Waldron" scythe cut in
short pieces and fixed in a home made
| handle Bound to have some Yankee
about everything. Turning his steps
homeward he canters his horse-by the