Richland beacon., 1880-09-11
PLEASANTRIES.
THERE is a report that Gen. Ord will
be placed Ipon the retired list.

the steamboat explained that his black
ened eve was a berth-mark.
spell love-" said young man to
his girl. "Y-o-u," she timidly essayed.
The courtship had been q protracted one,
hut they are married now.
WHEN key was called for, and the
gcntlc man pulled ont IA corkscrcw, some
one remarked that that was the key that
unlocked his gait.
MAMMA, what are twins made for? ?"
asked little girl the other day. Her
precocious elder brother replied, $50
that cannibals may eat philopenas. "
GENTLEMEN," said an amateur farm
er Just from the city, writing to the
Chairman of an agricultural society,
"put me down On your list of cattle for
calf"
Ir has often been remarked that chill
dren will ask questions which even the
wisest are puzzled to answer. "Mam-
ma, exclaimed Charley, show big was
when you was little girl"
The alarming peculiarly Of certain
counterfeit bills on the Exchange Ma
tional Bank of Baltimore is that they
differ from the genuine article chiefly by
reason Of artistic superiority.
"WHEN was your age" said old Mr..
Tret, 81 rose with the lark" beat you
clear out of sight them" said Tom.
YEARLY and triumphantly, I've been
up all night with him."
MAMMAL Look, Cissy, here is the
dear doctor coming. What a favOrite
he is See, even the little chickens run
TO meet him. Cissy-" Yes, ma and
the little ducks cry, 'Qusck, quack I"
Miss Brown, I've been to learn to
tell fortunes" said young fellow to a
brisk brunette. "Just let me have your
hand, if You please" "La, Mr.. White,
how sudden you are! Well, go and ask
pa"
"WHAr would You give to be as young
AS 1 amp" asked fop OF Talleyrand.
The wrinkled old wit and diplOmatist
locked mt him amOment and said "My
faith would almost be willing to lie
as foolish y
A PRETEN1IOUs man once boosted to
La l.. LII
from Cardinal Wolsey, at which the caus-
tic wit exclaimed "Cardinel WOlsey
My dear sir, you must mean Linsey
Woolsey"
MOST fastidious was he;
Whenever he got tight.
He'd Nv tri1e to the lett,
And BARK his nose-in fact, q most
Fast-stiddy-us man he.
Puck.
A CERTAIN caravan orator at O fair,
after long yarn descriptive of what is
TO be seen inside, generally winds up by
saying, "Step in, gentlemen, step in.
Take my word for it, you will he highly
delighted when you COME out"
A POOR emaciated freshman, having
called in physician in forlorn hope,
the latter spread large mustard plaster
and put it on the poor fellows lean
chest. Pat, when he with fearful eyes
looked down on it, said, "DOcther, it
strikes me it's dale of mustard for SO
little mate"
"MA," said thoughtful boy, 81
don't think Solomon was so rich rs they
say he was.' "Why not, my dear, what
could have put that into your head"
"Why, the Bible says he slept with his
fathers, and l think if he had been so
very rich he would have had bed of
his own"
GINBALLARD's duel: Gas you re
ceived the affront, my dear boy" said
his second, "you have the choice Of
weapons" "Was it an affront?'
"Why, SO you told me-" ct was what
] should call a punch in the head. I"
"Well, what difference does it make
1t was an affront, any way you put it. /"
"A well-bred gentleman might give an
affront he would not punch a fellows
head. ] will not feht BLACKBOARD"
MAN who marries Vassar girl will
nave provide something besides love
~" oo'.' 70. just glance at the items
se glriS a. I up last year. Among