The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1880-11-09
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
| A YOUNG lady had been spending the
day with a bachelor minister and his
sister. The young lady, whose name
was Miss Hope, mad been much graft
fed with the kindly treatme ent received
at the good old manse, and on leaving
expressed hcr thanks for the kindness
Of the minister, making at the Same
time the remark that she had not yet
heard him in the pulpit; but, she con-
| tinued, II will be over OH the Sabbath
| to hear you" shall be very glad to
see you, Miss Hope, and, under the in
terest1ng circumstances, you might
suggest a text Tor the occasion, aud
! will do ell the justice to it can.'' "l
[ will be glad to DO that, sir" replied the
lady. "How would this one do-'Lay
hold upon the Hope set before you"
ONE day recently, a prominent busi-
ness inan was about to ente" his favor
| ite resort tor dinner, he W.. accostcd
by an individual with decidedly care
worn expression, who begged that he
would assist him to get something to
eat. AS the man looked like worthy
| object of charity, the gentleman told
him to 20 in, and directed the waiter
TO give him twenty-five cents worth ..of
food and charge IL to his cheek. After
| finishing his own dinner tho gentle
man was proceeding to settle for his
check, when, noticing humorous look
| on the walters face, he asked him
what the hungry man had ordered.
Tho reply was: "Five glasses oflagcr."
MIR. SETH GREEN, writing of lake
| and dcep-wnter fishing, insists that
4 hnr a I IL,
and impatience to one lost because Of
delay; so long as the line is taut, he
says, the fish Is not likely to get away.
Now we know why we don't have bet
ter luck when we 60 iishlng. 1t is
| owing to haste and impatience. We pull
up too soon-prctty often before we
have bite. We supposed 1t was be-
cause we had forgotten to spit on the
bait.
n GENTLEMAN and his wife, with two
little girls, evidently twins, about
years Of age, are seated at one of the
tables In the dming-room waiting for
their breakfast to be brought to them.
One OF the little girls, who had been
iutcntly observing what was passing,
| suddenly turned to her sister and said {:
"Why don't papa say draceP" The
reply was: "They amt dot any bod
| III Rochester"
LAST Sunday a gentleman went into
drug store and asked to buy piece
Of soap. "Can't sell anything but
medicines on Sunday" but, man
| Is next to godlinesS ?'' "Well, can't
help 1t, ifitis." ''You don't halt try -
responded the searcher fox soap, as he
went out without it.
! SHOCKS was hard case, but he took
Il turn about and joined the Church,
expecting great spin itual regeneration
from the act. Next day lie was pcram-
bulaling his shop |, Il deep stu ", and
solil, quizing soto voice, yet SO loud ~
TO be overheard by his workmcn: 81
hain'C experienced any conversion.' ~
Il don't see any difference. ~ don't
feel any change, and, d-n t, don't
| believe there IS any,"
HERE Is a good specimen of the labor
iousIy manufactured joke: "What do
you sell those fowls ior?" inq tired a
person of nun attempting to dispose
| Ul some chickens Of questionable ap-
pearance. II sell them for profits, ,"was
The answer. "ThAnk you Tor the in
formation that they arc prophets," re-
epondcd the querst; l took them to
be patriurchs.'
| You have seen the driftwood and the
roth thrown up Oh the beach by the
ever-advanring, ever-retrcat. .ng waves
There may Oe nothlh8 very poeLlcaI IN
the thought, but that IL about the up-
| young girls mouth after she has strug-
gled successfully with boiled corn on
the cob.
| AN Iowa schOolmastcr knocked down
n hornets nest TO use in illustrating a
| lecture, but If The remarks he made
Immediately after while kiting across
the country were merely those he III
tended to use in the lecture relative TO
The hornets nest--and they certainly
referred to the nest--Lhe discourse was
ono totally unfit tor children to hear.
No one who has tried Doboins Elcc-
trio sonp, (made by Cragin & Co.,
Philadelphia, Pa.,) fails to see It's Won
dertul economy. Ask your grocer to
get iC, and give it a trial.
a RICH ScorcnMAN, at tho point OF
death, SAID TO his pastor: "Do you
think hat il l left El0, 900 to the Pres
byierian Church my soul w'd be
saved?' ~ can't promise you any
thing" answered the good man, after
Il second thought; 'buL It's worth try
ing"
| THE census returns show that tho
oldest citizens are found In nurthcrn
countries. 1t WAS always supposed that
| the oldest inhabitants were only found
where newspapers were edited by the
most able-bodicd liars; but the census
has-or havc-diSsipatcd great many
| illusions.
| AN American girl who marrics An
Italian marquis gets OH very we'll until
| his Serene IIighness begins to apend