The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1880-08-06
How She Got Him.

"A DeGrO1b 1uSGlce OF the peace was the
other day interviewed by woman about
45 years of age, who announced that she
would be married on certain night at
her farmhouse, and His Honor had been
selected to come out and perform the
ceremony. She asked how much the
fee was, and paid it and took a receipt.
Business concluded she sat down, filed a
short clay pipe with tobacco and indulged
in smoke.
'.You won't funk out on this?" she
said, as she rose to go, after exhausting
the contents of her pipe.
sob, no-I'll be there sure"
s'So'l and SOIL he, or I'll know the
reason why! He's been clawing off a
little lately, but I'll make him toe the
mark, see if I don't"
81 hope nothing unpleasant will oc-
cur" observed the Court.
''I hope SO too, but I'm going to be
prepared for a scrimmage just the same.
You always back the weaker sex, don't
your
'tY-yes, softly replied the justice.
$50 do /, and guess we'll be all
right. Don't you forget the date"
His Honor went out on the night ap-
pointed, prepared to perform the cere-
mony with promptness and good will.
He found about a dozen persons as
sembled at the house, and the woman
looked gorgeous under the light of three
kerosene lamps. She had her pipe going,
and her face was covered with bland
smile as she shook hands and said:
''Take cheer. The old man isn't
here yet, but I'll send for him." Then,
turning to a boy in the room, she con-
tinued:
Samuel, go and tell the old man it's
time to come in and be spliced."
Samuel departed on his errand, and
after the lapse of ten minutes he re-
turned and responded:
'tThe old man is over to Martins.
He's got his boots off and is whiting
out wooden cat, and I don't believe
he cares two cents about being. married
to you or anybody else."
The widow reflled her pipe, took
several strong whiffs and then said to a
long-legged farmer who seemed hungry
for the bridal feast:
"Moses, you go over and tell Noah I
want himr'
.'Moses departed. He was absent ten
minutes, and then lounged in and said:
Essays he is quite comfortable where
he is. Guess he isn't very much on the
marry"
Judge" began the woman as she
looked around for her bonnet, "you
play a game of fox and-geese with
Moses while [ go over and see about
this thing. There's going to be marriage
to night. and I'll bet o new hoss-rake on
itI''
She was absent about twenty min
utes, and then returned in company
with Noah. He had neither coat nor
hat on, and only one boot, and both
were painting for breath.
'sG-go ahead, Judge!'' she gasped, as
she hauled the groom into the centre
aof the room stHe heard me coming
and got out and run four times around
the orchard, but here he is"
''Do you want to marry this woman?"
asked the official, as he gave Noah look
ing e:T over: .. ,4 -
s"rhen why did you run away?'
.'Spose I'm going to give right in
the first thing?" demanded the indig-
nant Noah. ssI'l go and fix up and
come back"
mo, darling; no you won't, my pet
amethyst p chuckled the widow. "Well
be married right here and now, boots OF
no boots!'
She crowded him against the table.
Moses stood behind the pair to render
any needed aid, and the knot was soon
tied. As soon as the ceremony was
over Noah skipped out of the back
door, but no one pursued. The widow
called the guests to supper and re-
marked:
s.Sit right down and don't worry
about the groom. I've been nine years
working him up to this, but he'll be a
little bashful for few weeks to come.
Have some of the roast pig. Mr.. Court?"
Detroit Free Press.