Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-11-19
F. II N

bPooPENDYKE's BURGLARs.-''Say, my
dear,'' calculated Mr.. Spoopendyke, Sit
ting bolt upright in bed with sudden
Jerk; sssay, my dear, wake up! I hear bur-
glars in the house,
"Who? What burglars?" demanded
Mrs. Spoopendyke. as she popped up beside
her husband. "Who's in the house ?''
s'Hush! Quiet. will you? I don't know
which burglar, but hear some one NOV
ing around.''
"Oh, my! What shall we do p inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke: Lets cover up our
heads.''..
s'Why don't you get up and light the
gas?'' propounded MI. Spoopendyke in
hoarse whisper. ''S'pose you can see who
it is in the dark (? Strike light, CAM we?
If you had your way we'd both be murder
ed in bed. Are you going to light up be-
fore we are killed?''
ssI'm afraid,' whispered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, sticking one foot out OF bed and
drawing it in as If she had caught tlsh
with it.
ssGoing to sit there like a shot tower and
have our threats cut?" Intercepted MI.
Spoopendyke. s.Iow'm 1 going to find
burglar without a light? Find match
and light that measly gas, now quick -
Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled out OF bee
and hunted around for skirt.
"What's the matter with you? Can't
move % Missed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
liam, as fast CAM" replied his wife,
her teeth chatting. I'm looking for a
PIN"
ssOh. you're moving like railroad, amt
you? I never saw anything fly like you
do. What do you want with pin? Co.
ing to stick a pin in the burglar? Why
don't you light that gas?"
Mrs. Spoopendyke broke half-a-dozen
matches and finally got light.
ssThat's something like it," continued
Mr.. Spoopendyke.'' s'Now hand Inc my
pantaloons."
s'You won't go down where they are,
will your" anxiously inquired Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, handing over the garment.
Mr.. Spoopendyke vouchsafed no reply,
but donned the habiliments.
s'Now, you open the door, said he,
"and 60 to the head of the stairs and ask
who's there, while find my stick. Hurry
up or they'll get away" eJ
''Suppose they are there. What'H l do
them"
s'Tell 'em Pm coming. Go ask em,
will you? What's the matter with you?''
Mrs. Spoopendyke opened the door
about an inch, squealed ''Who's THEREOF
slammed the door again and popped into
bed.
what ails YEP" demanded her husband
''What dye think you are, anyway--a
conical shot? Get up. can't e, and look
out.-Where's my big stick? What have
you done with it? Sent it to school,
haven't yer 10 out and ask who's there
before they come up and slaughter us"
Once more Mrs. Spoopendyke approach
ed the door and TREMENDOUSLY demanded
what was going on. There was no re-
Spouse, to her lncalculable relief, and she
went to the head of stairs.
ssSee anybody" whispered Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, looking over her shoulder.
ssWho's THEREOF squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. $50 right away, because my hus-
band is here"
'sOh, you've done it!'' exclaimed Mr..
Spoopendyke, as he hauled her back into
the room. CHOW, how dye 'spose Pm 60
ing to catch em? What do you want to
scare 'em away for? What'd you say any
thing about me for? Think this is nom-
mating convention? What made you
leave the house open? Come on down
with me and I'll show you how to lock
up.'
Down they went and careful scrutiny
demonstrated the fact that everything was
fast.
81 don't believe there was anybody
there,'' said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as they re-
turned to their chambee.
ut wasn't your FAULT retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke. eff you'd got up when ]
told you and kept your mouth shut we'd
have caught 'em."
:DuI you Sdlu AoA AO
"Didn't say anything of the sort!'' howl
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke-'snever mentioned
your name. We might have been killed
the way you went to work.
81 think we'd caught them if they'd
been there, ;" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, :" TAX
ing down her hair and proceeding to put
it up again, :.
You'd caught 'em!" sneered Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. ''Another time a burglar gets
into the house you stay abed and don It you
wake me up again. 1 won't have any dod-
gasted women rousing me out this time of
might, ye hear!"
eyes, DEAR" and Mrs. Spoopendyke
wound her hand in the collar of her liege
lords night-shirt and went to sleep secure
in his protection.
Rev. Dr. Hall said every blade of grass
was sermon. The next day he was
amusing himself by clipping his lawn,
when parishioner said: "That's right,
doctor,-cut your sermons Short
s.Clothe me in deeams.' says Fanny
Driscoll, a tender-bearted poet. This
might have been sufficient few weeks
since, Fanny, during he he ted term, but
don't you attempt to 60 out in this wealth
er without nothing on you but a dream
Why, you'd catch your death Of cold,
rirli