Litchfield enquirer., 1880-06-03
CLIPPINGS.

Sports reputation as fizzler is seriously threatened by Mir. Courtney.
 Gossips are the spies of life; and the spice of life is gossip.
 fa ghost has the summer complaint, cah you call it case of cholera in phantom
 One of the comical sights of leap year is girl whispering tale of love into the ear of deaf man. A wag got hold of an editors whiskey bot tie and labelled it, ''To be continued in our necks."
 When ayoung man says he is going on the public garden to see the tulips, look at him squarely in the eye and ask suddenly, (Which two2" It takes 'em every time.
 ''God bless our home,' worked Tn different colored silks on cardboard, would be a good mottot to hang over the desk of the judge of the divorce courts.
 physician says chewing gum is made of myrospermum. We suspected, as much All along, That is what makes it so tough and elastic.
 A Wisconsin man who has just recovered from lung fever thinksis was caused by catch ing cold in the army sixteen years ago, and he therefore applies for pension.
 It is mean farmer who, in order to get his hired men quickly from the house to the field, will start 'em on the run by sending his boy ahead to blow dinner-horn.
 A railroad man accused of drinking lager beer while on duty calmly assured the super intendent that he was the victim of color-blind ness and supposed that he was drinking water.
 ''What is heat p asked the professor of student, one broiling day. 'If it is prickly heat you mean" replied the student. twistinp uneasily in his chair, fit is mighty uncom fortable"
 Emerson says every thing good in a man leans on something higher. We differ from Emerson. The good man leans upon a staff which is lower than he. It is the bad men who take to the higher lamp post for sup port.
 "Howe's Cave !" yelled brakeman as he entered an Albany and Susquehanna car at that station. An old gentleman, sitting near him, jumped up and answered Pretty well thank you. Let's see; where did meet you before?"
 Some time since the New Haven Register asked how the goat could be worked over into oleomargarine. The thing can't be done since the goat is real butter, and none of your cheap limitations. s.
 A country newspaper out West thus heads lts report or nre: Feast of the Fir Fiend- The ForKed- IoDgped Demond Licks with its Lurid Breath a Lumber Pile!-Are the Scenes of Boston to be repeated ?-Loss 15O dolls :"
 A portion of the clergy oppose the bill to le gailze marriage with deceased wife's sister These dlsclpllnarians are possibly of opinion that the man who marries twice, and is af. nicteu witn put one mother-in-law, has more happiness here below than is good for man.
 Not long ago, in the court of appeals, an Irish lawyer. while arguing witL earneetness Of his cause, stated point which the court ruled out. "Well." said the attorney. tiff it blaze the coort, if am wrong in this I have snotner polnl that IS equally as conclusive"
 How dear to my heart is the school attended
 And how remember, so distant and dim
 That red-headed Dill and the pin that pended
 And carefully put on the bench under b,mi
 And how LIT recall the surprise of the master.
 When Bill gave yell aud sprang up with the n,,, So high that his bullet thead bustedthe plaster
 Aeov., and the scholars all set up a grin.
 That loud-shouting Billy that sat on a pin
 Some men will not be suited anyway. They scoh at hrst this and then that. The favorte theme with some is religion; but you give a man new shirt too high in the front and too low iu the back and he will not talk religion, but usually wander off into the old, old story with cuss words.
 A pretty anecdote is told of little girl to whom the unseen world is very real. s'Where does God live, mamma?" she asked. one even. ing, after saying her prayers. "He lives in Heaven, my dear, in the Celestial City. whose streets are paved with gold" .tOh, yes. 1 know that, mamma, she said, with great se lemnity; "but what's his number?"
 Teacher-"What is score?" Pupil-"A base ball record" Teacher-No no: what I mean is, how much does a sccre signify nn. merically; what idea does it give you? That is to say, if were to tell you had a score of horses, what would you think?' Pupil .'Please, marn, should think you was stuff fin'." FBf
 In the early stages of his ministry the cele- brated pr. Strong of Hartford, preached some time in 3 neighboring village One day a committee called upon him to settle with him for his services and, after stammering while. signi6ed to him that his further services were not desired. "What does this mean. gentle men2 ?" asked the doctor. "Why,n replied the spokesman, with some hesitation s.the people have got the impression that you are inclined to universal salvation. 1" sGentleuen," an- swered the doctor, q never have preached that doctrine; but, If ever should. promise to make the people of this town an excep- fion."