The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1880-07-08

to protect his wife. Mr.. Chucker, enter.
ing into the spirit of his part, caught MP
his umbrella and brandished it. The
travellers were in these attitudes of vigi-
lance and menace when the train once
more slackened speed, and Hanwell was
reached.
Instantly the gentleman jumped out
on the off-side of the line, so as not to
pass Mr.. Chucker, and helped out his
wife, whose screams had given place to a
fit of shivering. Mr.. Chucker thought
himself well rid of his mess, for the train
would go on again, and he should be
able to complete his dressing. By way
Of insuring privacy for the remainder Of
his journey he began by pulling the car
riage blinds down.
Alasl he was not to get off so easily as
he had anticipated. Already there was
a commotion on the platform. The
husband of the fainting lady had ex-
planned matters to the station master;
some pcrters and guards had overheard
him, and the rrmor circulated that there
was lunatic in the train. Some pas
sengers, pol1ing their heads out of car
riage-windows, protested against travel
ing in the company of a man who might
commit some mad act-set the train on
fire, throw himself out, or emit awful
noises. The station master was obliged
to pacify these murmrers by striding
toward the alleged maniac's carriage.
The all-unconscious Mr.. Chucker was
rudely aroused by the door being sud-
denly opened and gruff voice exclaim-
ing:
"Now, sir, what's the matter with
you?' .-.
"Nothingis the-the-matter with
me-" stammered Mr.. Chucker. "What
should there be?" but, so saying he
hugged his rug closer to him with
guilty look.
Would you mind stepping out, sir?"
"Why should /? My ticket is for
Windsor"
"Change here for Windsor, sir" re-
sponded the guard, who was quite con-
vinced by this time that he had queer
character to deal with. 81
"Well, man, since you put me to it,
I've no trousers on" confessed Mr..
Chucker, lowering his voice; whereupon
the station master echoed in amazement:
"No trousersp' and the crowd behind
caught up the words, mo trousers"
Hes throwed 'em out of the win
dow" suggested porter.
Perhaps he had none ON when he got
into the train" opined another.
Had you any tsousers ON when you
got into the train?" inquired the station
master
"Of course had, man. I've two pairs
with me now. Let me alone, that / may
put one on" faltered Mr.. Chucker, in
undated and disgusted by the sight of
so many people staring at him.
But while he was speaking, some low
chrlrl, seizing corner of his rug, gave
it a twitch and abruptly exposed Mr..
Chucker's dishabitle to view There was
a shout of mingled laughter and dismay
from the passengers, some of whom, be-
ing ladies, deemed it expedient to
squeal.
"Out you come" roared the blushing
station master, In paroxysm of indig-
nation, and he clutched Mr.. .Chucker by
the wrist
"Welll but-but-let me d-dress
first, pleaded the victim, as he felt, not
only his arms but his legs in the grasp
of different hands. He made short
struggle, but this did not improve his
position, for his Resistance was ascribed
to a maniacal outbreak, and emboldened
his aggressors to drag him out of the
carriage feet foremost He tumbled out
in a heap, and was then carried across
the platform, kicking and roaring In the
sight. Of q hundred pairs Of astonished
or amused ewes.
..OhI's exclaimed some reddening
young ladies as he passed.
"Hiei Fetch the police" chorused
some Of the porters.
Ten minutes later, when Mr.. Chucker
had been conveyed under strong escort
to the station masters room, and had
been suffered to don his pantaloons. he
contrived to get hearing, and to ex-
plain how all his trouble had arisen.
well, but why didn't you tell us this
before" cried the station-master.
Because you wouldn't listen to me-"
screamed Mr.. Chucker."
well, you've missed your train and
your dinner, anyhow" said the station
master, land thatn be lesson to YOU"
Lesson of what ?" asked Mr.. Chuck
er, exasperated.
take off one pair of breeches until you've
put the other ON, and that for decency's
sake, sir!" answered the station-master,
sternly, formulating an axiom which
sounded well; though, perhaps, like
some other maxims occasionally pro-,
pounded by worldly philosophy, it was
not 30 easy to follow.-Lo,adon Truth.
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