The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1880-09-23
An Oyster Yarn.

I never found any thing but once here
in excess of my expectations or even ap-
preaching them, and that was the New
York oysters. l had then just come on
from California, where oysters are very
small and unimportant, not to say in
significant, and l had often eaten a hun
bred there at a time, and had always fel,
that | could eat more il l had them.
So, whom l arrived at the Metropolitan
Hotel I ordered my dinner TO be served
in my room, and told the waiter to
bring with my dinner q strong cup Of
coffee and a hundred raw oysters. He
looked al me a moment and then said:
did l understand you to say one
hundred O ystersP
"Yes,"I answered; raw, on the half
shell, with vinegar no lemons, and
Just as soon as you al for l am very
hungry"
"Ahem Miss, did you want a hun
bred =
"Yes, l do. What are you waiting
for? Must l pay for them in advance ?
l want nice, large ones.
"No, no, Miss. All right, you shall
have them" And he went out and l
continued my writing and forgot all
about my dinner till he knocked and
came in with nv dinner on a tray, but
no oysters.
"How is this" said I, "thcre is no
oystersw
"Dey's comm miss; dey S comm, and
the door opened and i'll filed three more
sons of Africa, each with a big tray of
oysters on the half shell. l was stag
gered, but only for a moment, for l saw
the waters were ~grinning. So l calmly
directed them to place n tray on a
chair, one on the wash stand and n on
the bed, and l said:
"They are very small, aren't they"
ooh, no, miss; de berry largest we'se
got"
Every WE'LL. said I; "you can go. If
I want any more I'll ring"
When they got into the hall one said
to another:
Fore God, Joe, if she eats all dem
oysters she's a dead woman"
l did not feel hungry any longer. l
drank my coffee and looked at the oys-
tiers, every one Of them as big as my
hand, and they all seemed looking at me
with their horrible white faces and out
OF their one diabolical eye until | could
not have eaten one any more than l
could have carved up a live baby. They
leered at me and seemed to dare me to
attack them. Our California oysters
are small and with no more individual
character about them than grains of
rice, but these detestable creatures were
instinct with evil intentions, and l dared
not swallow one for fear of the disturb
ance he might raise in my interior, SO l
set about getting rid of them, for l
never was gong 20 give up beaten be-
fore those walters. | hung a dress over
the key-hole after locking the door, and
just outside my window found a tin
waterspout that had a small hole in it, l
carefully enlarged it, and then slid
every one of those Deastly creatures
down one by one-one hundred and two
Of them-they all the time cycling me
with that cold. pasty look of malignity.
When the last one was out of my sight
l stopped trembling and finished my
dinner in peace, and then rang for the
walters. You should have seen their
faces One Of the waters asked if l
would have some more. May be never
know the internal pang he inflicted
upon me; bat / calmly replied,
"Not now. l thinl, too many at
once might be hurtful.-N. Y. letter to
Philadelphia Press.