The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1880-01-29
Facetious and Otherwise.
Whistle us something old and gray

FacetiOuS and Otherwise.
Whistle us something old and gray
Some toothless tune of the by-gone years.
Some bald old song that imps to-day,
With walking stick this vale of tears
Whistle staye of the good old days
Ere the fur stood up in thousand ways
On the listeners pelt as he ripped and tore
And grew crasy from hearing +" "Pinafore.'
Fretting about to-morrow's trou.
bles never drives them off.
Experience keeps dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
Germany and Russia would 60 to
war over a spotted dog.
The voice of a political speaker
could be heard mile in the Arctic
rigions, and why they don't go
there is an awful mystery.
"Who will write the music of the
future" asks a New York paper.
What troubles us is to know who
will have patience to listen to it.
No kissing by telephone for us.
We prefer to take the electricity
direct from the battery.
One of the comical sights of leap
year will be girl whispering a tale
Of love into the ear of a deaf man.
Now they say rennyson is a pla-
gairist. His "BlOw, Bugle, Blow"
was probably cribbed from an ode
to influenza.
The kind wife who mas a smile
for her husband when he comes
into the house will not drive him
TO a saloon to get one.
Jones says it isn't the color of
her hair that troubles him IN choos-
ing helpmate. The color of her
money is what interests him vastly
more.
"He has gone into the lecture
business" said one man to another
in response to an inquiry about a
mutual friend. "Is that SOP Eyes;
he was married last week to a wo
man with the sharpest tongue in
town."
Father (who is always trying to
teach his son how to act while at
table)-"Well, John, you see that
when 1 have finished eating 1 al
ways leave the table," John-"Yes,
sir, and that is about all you do
leave"
A young lady in Chicago, when
asked by the officiating minister,
"Will you honor and obey the man
as your husband and be to him a
true wife2" said plainly, Eyes, if he
does what he promised me finan
cially."
The Troy Daily Times does not
greatly run into poetry, but whei
it does strike out the fur flies,
Look at this: "a little snow, a little
breeze, a little thaw, a little freeze,
little draft, and then-ker- chu tch-
Qua great big sneeze.
You can't fool a Quincy girl
When her "fellow' rises from his
seat in the theater between the acts
and says: "Pll be back in mo
ment," she dazzles him with one oi
her most reliable smiles, and pull
ing him back With the remark, 81
brought some with me-" coyly slips
into his hand pinch of cloves ol
roasted coffee.
"Gentlemen," said Yankee
auctioneer, with true pathos, "iI
my father and mother stood
where you stand and did not buy
this stewpan--this elegant stewpar
going at $1--I should feel it my
duty as son to tell both of then
they were false to their country anc
false to themselves"
A cautious writer will always bt
on his guard against the accumula
tion of proofs, lest that should hap
pen to him which is said to have
occurred to Bishop Bloomfield. AT
ter the learned Bishop had preached
sermon on the existence of God
an admirlng farmer was heard tc
say: "Our Bishops a main good
preacher, but can't help thinking
as how there be God after all. }"
A stranger in Bodie, Nevada, ont
day last week, in eating a plate O
hash at a restaurant, being very
hungry, unguardedly neglected IL
chew it properly, and swallowed
large coat button. They doctorec
him for pneumonia three days be
fore he was able to explain. Ther
they fed him big buttonhole tieC
to string and fished it out in Dc
time. He now screens all his hast
through a cane bottom chair very
carefully before eating.
At performance of the cantat,
of Esther" at Dallas, Texas, Ahas
uerus was advised by somebody il
the audience not to ''cut it too fat.
The personator of the great Assyri
on went to the footlights and said
This is a religious show, and you'll
have to be decent. I'm Ahasuerus
Just now, but after the show In
Sam Turner; and if any duffe
would like to cut it fat then, III
give him a mighty lively welcome
The dramatic editor of French
paper had occasion recently to criti
else severely the performance of
somewhat popular actress. Shortly
afterwards the lover Of the younl
lady met the journalist in the theats
and presented him a package o
goose quilts. ''This sir" is presen
from MISS. X'' "WhatT' exclaime,
the critic, .'did she tear al these on
of you herself? How you must hav