Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1880-11-12
E UN

inspire confidence, and his clothes looked
as if they had served third term at least.
"Are you the fellow who makes fun OF peo-
pie in the ssNews?'' The newspaper man
owned up he was 'sthar or tharabouts."
ssWell, come to warn you. They are lay
in for you with clubs. They are bad.
ssNot to hurt, I reckon "Yes they are;
but don't be afeared; I'm your friend.
can stave my fist through man and Walk
off with him on my arm, just ike ne was
an empty market basket "Oh, get out.
sim not Joking. I'm your friend, and L
am down on your enemies. Look here.
Can't you lend Teller quarters-tempo-
rarily, only, of course ''Now, you look
here. Didn't you just now say you were
nv friend?'' $50 [ amp s'You don't
talk like it, but I'll take you at your
word.'' 'Jest count on me.'' "You say
you want to help me. and you want to hurt
nv enemies?'' 'sThat's about the size of
it, 'sTnen you go and borrow quarter
from them and loan it to me.'' Adjourned
He was saying, as he struck lucifer on
the side of the house, II like these houses
with sanded paint; nice when you want to
strike match, you know us that SO ~
she asked, demurely II wish lived IN
house with sanded paint land then she
looked things unutterable. Ii he had ask
ed "What for ?'' she would have hated
him. But he didn't; he took the hint, and
the match was struck then and there.
One Sunday night we were sitting out in
the moonlight, unusually silent, almost
sad. Suddenly some one-a poetic-looking
man with gentle, lovely face-said in
low tone: s'Did you ever think OF the
beautiful lessons the stars teach us?" We
gave vague, appreciative murmur, but
some soulless clod said: mo what is it ?"
.sHow to wink,'' he answered, with a sad,
sweet voice.
Little Jennie has sister, a year married.
Last week this sister became the mother OF
pretty babe. "Look, madamoiselle,' said
the nurse, showing the new born to It's lit
tie aunt. ''Isn It. it the prettiest dolly you
ever saw?.' Jennie danced with delight
Then she approached to take it from the
nurses arms. A cry of disgust arose.
ssPooh ~ screamed Jennie, Its nothing
but meat baby!"
81 wish I was starr he said. smiling
at his own poetical fancy. 'sIwould rath-
er you were comet she said, dreamily.
His heart beat tumultuously. land,
why?'' he asked tenderly. ''Oh." she
said with brooding earnestness that fell
upon his soul like a bare foot upon cold
oil-cloth, 'sbecause then yon would come
round only once every 500 years.
A story in one Of the juvenile papers
tells of young lad who disobeyed his mo-
Their by running off to baseball match; a
storm came up and the wicked little boy
was struck by lightning, etc. That boy
should have gone around with lightning
rod attachment. Spare the rod and spoil
the child.
A certain English general, being at the
point of death, opened his eyes, and see
ing consultation of four physicians, who
were standing close by his bedside. family
exclaimed, ''Gentlemen. if you fire by
platoons it's all over with me,'' and in
stantly expired.
s'Pa,'' asked little Blodgers of his pa
rent, s'what is paper made OFF" ''Lies!"
roared the elder Blodgers. who is running
for office, ''Lies! Internal, outrageous,
yillanous lies!'7 And the innocent boy
wrote it down that way in his compost
ton.
At hotel table child attracted con-
siderable attention by saying repeatedly:
ssIwant a cake" s'You have had five or
six already" replied the mother. ''Them's
not the ones I want. I want fresh
one."
Teacher: s'Suppose that you have two
sticks of candy, and your big brother
gives you two more; how many have you
got then?'' Little boy, Shaking his head);
ssYou don't know him; he amt that kind
of boy"
Is the young man who carries torch
for his girl on very dark night fam
beau? No, but the rival who waylays him
coming back and whales him deserves the
title of lam-beau.
The man who is curious to see how the
world can get along without him, can find
out by sticking a cambria needle into
mill-pond, and then withdrawing it and
looking at the hole.
The s.Middleville Recorder" says: ''If
some of the young men could pick cotton
as fast as they talk politics, there would
be more money in the land and less noise
in the air.
It was terribly confusing to the Chicago
small boy during the conclave to see sixty
brass bands going in different directions
and have to decide instantly which one to
follow.
A South Hill debating club IS wrestling
with 'sCan community exist without wo-
wan ~ We think it might exist for
while, but then it wouldn't know what
was going on
Alexander H. Stephens is reported to be
in better health that for years past. He
can now sit on a hotel piazza at the seaside
without paper weights on his coat tails
Lung pads and liver pads were unknown
a century ago, but the foot-pad managed
to keep things in healthy state of excite
ment.
''Penny-wise, pound-foollsh, y soliloquiz-
ed the man in church, and he put the pen
ny in the box and the pound in his pocket.