Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1880-12-09
Advertising Rates
REASONABLE
AND
FURNISHED ON APPLICATION.
First class Facilities for Job Work.
Legal Advertisements Must be Paid
for when AFFIDAVIT 10 Given.
First class Faelils,ss for Job Work.
The Fiend and his Lawn Mower.


"Whirr-r-r-r-r-r"
Blast himl
~ Z-Z-Z-Z-Z!"
Blast him again
"Rr-rr-rr-rr-rrw
Turn over in bed and VOW that you'll
shoot his hens, poison his dog and leave
fish-bones where his cat will find them
and choke to death.
Whos
Why, the tripple-plated, bomb-proof,
iron-coated and hard-hearted next-doOr
man, who went to bed at sundown for NO
other purpose than to get up at o'clock
a. M. and gallep his old lawn mower
aroundi
':Rattle! Whirr! Bang! R-r-r-r-r!"
Oh, there he is! He simply stopped for
a moment to spit on his hands and to get
ready for a new twist. Just five by the
bells, and some fool of doctor has told
him that the morning air is good for him.
He knows that he is disturbing every
man, woman and child within block of
him, but what does he care2
''Clickety.te-clickety- -cl1ck.clickI
There he gOesl He 8 got his coat of,
his pants in his boot legs and he's think
ing how nice it must be to live out in
the country and canter around over the
dew-wet sward. Country oe hanged!
Lawn-mowers and next door neighbors
be hanged! The man who sold him that
lawn-mower warranted it to be noiseiess.
Just remember that when you get to
shooting? Noiseless, oh, yesl
"M.m-m-m! Bur.r-r-r-r! Z-Z-z.zew
The baby wakes up with howl. Why
shouldn't he? Can baby stand more
than horse? Everybody wakes up. II
you think people can sleep on and dream
of the gates of heaven while man is
pounding sheet-iron with hammer, YOU
have lived in vain.
"G.u-r-r--H
Good. His old machine has struck
stone. Hope the contact has wrenched
off every wheel. twisted every spring out
Of place, and flung the villain heels over
head against the fence! Nobody but
villain would have lawn to NOW in the
first place, and nobody but a mutton
head would 60 sloshing around on an
empty stomach In this malarious climate.
His health? What is his health compared
to the peace of his neighbors? Who cares
whether he gets fat and lives on, or grows
lean and dies? He ought--r
"Clickety-te-click-c click -click-click
"There he goes, the old machine max
ing more noise than ever! Hit him with
brick? No, don't do it. Such a man
as that couldn't appreciate decent clip
on the ear with missile made by hu-
man hands. Draw bead on him with
shotgun? Never! Keep your ammu-
milton for fowls. Owls have sense enough
to stick by the roost until Z o'clock.
Argue with him2 Not much? You
couldn't convince such a man that he
ought to be run over by drove of Texas
steers any more than you could make a
Turk believe that he ought to pay 100
cents on dollar.
= "Gur-g::g,g-g! z-z-z-zl Bang! Rat
tie r-r-r-ripr'
Let him alone! There is Providence.
and that Providence sometime gives
villain rope to play with, Just to see him
squirm when he is brought up with
sharp turn. That mower may explode,
if not, the morning air will bring on
sore throat, tooth-ache, neuralgia and
chills. May he have them all jump In
on him at once and stand by him like an
Indians memory, and may every neigh
Dor whom he has disturbed by his vii
lainous noise grow fat and sleek and
rlch and live to beat him for the only
Office he ever cared tor-DetrOit Free
Press.