The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1880-01-22
QUIPS.

QUPS.
A DEAR little thing The diamond.
LIE mother of vinegar is very sharp
old lady.
II takes the coupon to keep the
coupe.
ADVOCATES Of improved husbandry-
Old maids.
The prime tenet of the Moderation
Society is that no member shall drink
more than one drink at time.
A CONTEMPORARY tells the ladies that
they must take heart" That's just what
they have been doing for ages.
AN unlucky person replied, on being
asked what he cleared ON a certain spec
ulatlon, Nothing but my pockets"
The fashion of placing the heel of
woman's shoe near the middle of the
foot has led to the following in the
Springfield Republican:
A WELL KNOWN itterateur and humor-
list modestly says that his chief literary
requirements are the books he has bor-
rowed and never returned.
BoY-"What are you crying for Sal
Typ" Girl-"'Cos [ got the toothache."
Boy-"You go round to nv grand
mother; she'ull show yer what to do:
she knows how to take hers out and put
'em back whenever she wants."
A NERVOUS Chicago man had tooth
pulled, and, as he came bounding out
OF the dentists chair into room where
half dozen other patients sat, he in
sp'red them with terror by anxiously
bowling: Am all here? Will some
one please take q census of me?"
She passed just now in the falling snow.
And left the print of her dainty shoe:
From the edge of the heel to the pointed toe
The most can make is number two
Yet her brother showed me her morning slipper
number seven. as I'm alive,
And broad in the sole as Portsmouth skipper.
Now how the dee do the girls contrive
To squeeze a hOof like camel's foot
Into number two French kid boot?
LADY-"But tell me, Miss Jenkins.
why you are not satisfied" Governees
well, the fact is, madam, I should
be perfectly contented to stay if Master
Tommy were not so plain; bat [ am
afraid of his being taken for my little
boy some day when we are out walking.
and that would be so very unpleasant"
A SCHOLAR in country school was
asked "How do you parse Mary MIXED
the cow?'" The last word was dis
posed of as follows: "Cow, a noun,
feminine gender, third person and
stands for Mary" Stands for Mary
How do you make that out ?" Because"
added the intelligent pupil, "if the COW
didn't stand for Mary, how could she
milk her?" ...
YoUNG Pinkler is anything but deep,
but still he has memory for all slang ex-
pressions. The other day at little So
cial party he mentioned the fact that
the chief clerk in the Office in which he
is employed had resigned. And you've
got the vacancy, I suppose, Pinkey?"
jokingly inquired one of the boys.
"Oh, yes" sarcastically assented Pink
Ter, " I've got the vacancy-in my mind"
" Yes, that's So" giggled the prettiest
girl In the room, and then, strange to
say, everybody laughed, and Pinkler
says he can't for the life of him see what
it was that SO aroused their merriment.
The Rev. DR.. Collyer tells this story
of wedding in Yorkshire: AS the man
came out of church with his bride, he
met an old companion, who said:
"There, lad, [ wish thee much Joy;
thou's gotten to tend of all thy trouble"
1t was very good to be assured of that,
and the bridegroom went on his way re-
ioicing; but by and by be found he had
got married without getting a wife. It
was bad job; and SO, when he met his
old companion on the street one day, he
said with very long face: 81 thought
thou told me as [ came out of Gruisely
church that I'd gotten to tend of all me
trouble" [ did tell thee so" said his
friend quietly, "but I didn't tell thee
which end"
A Watch in His Hat.