Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1880-12-16
TIE HERALD,
TickIers.

4lckl6IS.
Some women are like shotguns.
They would attract no attention il
it wasn't for their bangs.
A woman who goes to church to
show her sealskin sacque ia sacque.
religious.-New York World.
Some men want but little here be-
low, but they want it in long strips,
80 to speak.-Hartord Post.
A chap who was told by cler-
gyman to remember Lots wife, re.
piled that he chad trouble enough
with his own, without remem bering
other mems wives"
A Baltimore clergyman recently
preached on the subject "Why
was Lazarus Beggar ?" We cup.
pose because he didn't ADVERTISE
Burlington Ha,okeye.
81 have been present at many re.
Iigious awakenings," said the fly, as
he passed from one bald spot to an
other in a neighboring pew.-LouiS.
viAe Courier-J0urnal.
A good farmer is better than a
poor doctor, and good horseshoer
is better than Bishop who preach
es sermons that nobody wants to
hesr.-Robert CoVyer.
The Baltimore Gazette accuses q
lady, whose real name is Mrs. Rel
menschn cider, of travelling under an
assumed name. We don't blame her.
Boston Post
Mr.. Job Bone, of Edinburgh, in
stead OF fogglng juvenile delin-
quents, wants to fog their parents.
Job is evidently not the patient man
his name.sake was, and the next
thing he will probably suggest will
be that the parents should BIO fog
ged with the Job. Bone of an ass.-
Neao York Commercial Advertiser.
We can calmly endure all the alb
surd stories that are telegraphed
from New York about Vanderbilt
and Jay Gould, but when the state
menl is sent over that Brooklyn
coal dealer has been convicted and
fined for giving short weight, it is
too much for human belief Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
A Galveston darkey has returned
from business trip to the interior
of the State very much Disguised.
"Didn't you receive any offsrs to
pick cotton ?" asked friend. eyes,
SIGH as they was. A man offered
me one third OBJ do amount picked,
and when | looked at de field saw
for myself dat when it was all
picked it wouldn't amount to one.
third, so left for home" Galueston
NeDS.
A curious state of affairs, or cur.
ious county of affairs, rather, exists
in Langlsde, whore Judge Meyer
has decided that no legally. elected
officers are in existence, and the
county is therefore without any
local government. The result is
there IS nobody to pay taxes to,and
with the hard winter coming on, it
is feared there will be much suffer.
ng-Milt0aukee Sun.
The New York Tribune reports
Rey. w. II. FL. Murray as saying i:
"Death is a perfinirion, that is all"
Well, if that is all-if death is SIM
ply "pe" what you csll.it p
"fniron," it csn't have q sting, as
alleged. We always had q bnesking
sort of feeling that it was one of
those things, bat owing to q rush of
political news We never got room
TO say so.-NorriStOrn Herald.
The Boston Herdld'S new version
of "Old Crimes: ape
Old Grimes is dead-that good VA man
We ne'er shall see him - 'lu Mah-
He used to wear a lonr No aue
=, All buttoned dc - salleu coat
--Ie -v~n before
Why mourn for Grimes i-his daughters live;
On Fashions streets we nd 'em.
And still they wear old Grimes coat,
All buttoned down behind 'em.
The minister asked the Sunday
school: "With what remarkable
weapon did Samson at one time elay