The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1880-03-04
Uartety.
VARIETY NEWS.


1t requires man Of good sense to fall in love
with plain woman.
There is no vine that contributes more susten
ance to man than the bo vine.
Talking about the tropics eternal spring" Is
only found in rubber factory,
Never do anything to distract the attention OF q
man who Ia managing garden hose,
Originally woman was mans sequel.
The wOodpecker is a thieE-if he's till tapping
High hesls-The charges OF fashionable ply.
slcians,
You often find great many sticks at kettle.
drum.
On board of leaky ship everybody is,admitted
to bail
White hair Is the aag of truce under which old
age parleys with death
A carpenter is about the only man who is mad
when he can't find his level.
The man who falls into barrel of whisky said
he was depressed in spirits"
When the stocks were a punishment nobody
wanted to be long in them.
The negro is not always successful .diaryman,
although he makes good butter.
The women who do fancy work don't fancy
work.
Elko, Nevada, produces two tons.of mineral
soap a day.
A mares nest should be a valuable adjunct to a
stock farm.
The wise man telleth his love, but the foolish
man writeth it In letter.
"Never let cold run" says doctor. Bad ad
vice. He wants you to catch 1t, and make work
for him,
A chap that bruises his leg in climbing tree
barks his shiRs In shining the bark.
A lady generally appears at a party in a low
necked dress, and gentleman In dress neck
tie.
When Charles Francis Adams swings his hat
the weather chaps Immediately announce "a cold
wave
The sons Of the Prince of Wales have had arrows
tattoOed on their noses, and probably now have
quivering nostrils.
A pet crow, belonging to lady In Savannah, Ca
recently died of old age. The owner mourns for
the lost caws.
1.-THE dye is cast" said the lodger in the attic al
he hurled bottle Of Mrs. Aliens at the feline
disturber Of his repose.
The difference between a neglected woman In
society and twelve inch partition is, that one 4
wsllparty and the other is party.wall.
This is something like weather.-N. Y. Com
Adu That Is what jenkins said when he put hi
teeth into the cold mutton.
Lets Stella a few facts about the stars" sale
the astronomical professor to his pupils. "Comer
| time to begin,"-M z. NeWs, Refrain, RudsciOu
star, before you are Saturn.
When two funerals meet at the cemetery, II l
embarrassing to have one undertaken call to tn
other, "How's business"
Men always want people to tell them how hand
some they look; whereas women look into thei
mirrors and satisfy them1elves
Never blow down lamp chimney to extinguis
the fame for 1t ia quite liable; to return thecOn
pliment and blow you up.
The average English umbrella ia 80 heavy tbs
person must carry 1t In both hands and have n
arm left to put around his girl
Gllber! Thierry, formerly one Of the Auditors {
State to Napoleon III, now one Of the rising RI
publican authors Of France.
Aphilosopher says, "You require In marriaG
precisely the same quality that you would In 90
ing sausages-absolute confidence"
The poor man derives great comfort from th
belief that 1t is next to an imposaibillty for rc
man to enter the Kingdom OF Heaven.
The principal beauty Of the Mormon religion
that the same woman doesn't have to get up FIR
the entire winter TO build the kitchen FIRE.
Says Josh Billings, III you kant trust man el
tirely, let him skip this trieing to get an averag
on honesty alwuss haz been failure"