The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1880-12-20
IBr00kIyn Eagle.
A Literary Question.

"What seems to be the matter here?" in
Quired the city editor, as he entered the loca
rooms and found two reporters rolling ovel
each other on the floor. "Stop this. What:
the trouble?"
HE says my account of the funeral yester
day was all slush," painted one of the contest
ants climbing to his feet. cts twice as good
as his account of the fire."
"Tisn't either" objected the other. 81 car
write all around him with one hand and lick
him with the other. Look at his funeral busi.
ness: he says: The corpse stood in neat
casket, which looked as natural as life while
the organ strains blended with fine cross and
anchor1presented to the deceased by his part
ners as token of their esteem.'"
"Well, wasn't it?'' demanded the funeral
reporter. "See how he puts up his fire: I'm.
CINE No. got the first stream on the Fire
Fiend, who shot forth his starry tongue and
rolled his eyes savagely as the crystal drops
fell thick and swift on his red and yellow hide
At this juncture the hose burst, and but for
the prompt arrival of No. 4, the monster would
have strided through the city, leaving burn
ing pathway of widows and orphans.'"
80 he would" proclaimed the fire reporter.
when 4 arrived, he had the bulge But look
at this for funeral notice: "The mourners
were vailed, but not so keenly as to hide their
so6s from the keen observer. A dim religious
light prevailed, contrasting pleasantly with
the discourse, which was calculated to comfort
those who were weary and heavy laden, OF
which there were six, all prominent citizens,
who acted as pail bearers That's what
called slush."
manded the funeral reporter "Listen to his
fire minute: The flames burst out of COM
mon kitchen stove, and. rejoicing in their free
dom, poured with wild roar of laughter into
the adjoining room used by Mr.. O'Meara as a
tailor shop: Up the side Of the doorway. they
climbed, shrieking with fiendish delight, to-
ward the residing rooms of Mr.. Amos Thomp-
sou, when they were checked by the gush of
the enraged engines, and dropped affrighted
through the floor into Antoneili's barber es-
tablishment below Call that sense?"
Certainly" defended the author. 'That's
what they did, and wrote up the facts. Talk
about writing! Look at this: The respect in
which the deceased was held was testified by
the energy displayed by the mourners in their
efforts to secure front seats. Long before the
hour appointed the house was crowded, and
hundreds were turned away. At the conclu-
sion OF the ceremony the preacher announced
that all who desired to look at the features of
the dead party would please step forward, and
the scene that followed beggars description,
while the organ played a sad aria from Often
mean?,'
"You just let it alone" defied the funeral
reporter. "How's this? 'For hours the hiss
ing water and the battling flames wrestled for
mastery. At length the wearied mass of furi-
Gus fire, with one expiring effort, reached its
blazing arms toward the frowning zenith. and
with . shudder of despair sank before its
hereditary foe. Loss 5000. No insurance
Call that reporting? DON'T
Don't, eh?" demanded the fire reporter.
And the city editor left them rolling on the
floor again. There are some questions an UNI
pire cannot decide.