The Lamoille news. (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1877-1881, 1880-12-29
HUMOROUS.

The candle-Wick is up to snuff.
The / OF 1000 would be seriously
missed Fond dtI Lac Reporter.
I'm drawing a conclusion" re-
marked Aminidab. as lie pulled the cats
tail. Ed i. Adams
There are doctors who could not cure
ham il some one did not first tell
what allied it.-Rcdyuae.
A Marathon woman has husband so
sharp that she uses him to cut beef
with.-MarathOn Independent.
Maiden lady's quotation slightly al
tered from an old aphorism: "Wbere
singleness is bliss It's folly to be wives"
Old Nickelpinch says he has often
seen men buck the tiger, but for his part
he would rather buckwheat cakes
Rome Sentinel.
The fellow who drew the blind man
away from the edge of the ditch said he
had furnished a fashion for the ladies'
a pull back Waterloo Observer.
We would inform ga Reader" that
the term mind your p's and q's'' orig
mated with the Chinese. 1t formerly
stood: mind you teas and queues"
The Peruvian dollar is now worth
two and half cents, and the Peru
Wan who can head a charitable sub.
scription with fifty dollars is rarity.
A story in three chapters: Chapter
Jones started drug store. Chapter
Hills cash ran out. Chapter III
Jones followed his cash. Philadelphia
Item.
A Glasgow paper, describing Mr.
Coughs lectures to the fair sex of that
city, exclaimed with emphasis; " Three
thousand ladies!hanging on the lips of
one mani"
Why is it that men always cross
muddy place on their toes and women
on their heelsP Rome Sentinel. To get
over to the other side.- Steubenuille
Herald.
We never yet came across a genuine
Egyptian mummy that appeared in any
way to he in hurry. yet they are in
variably pressed for time .-K0nkerS
Statesman.
A new book is out entitled, Links in
Rebecca's Life" Rebecca was probably
a sausage makers daughter. What an
eventful and mysterious life she must
have led!
When a grocer advertises every va
riety of "raisins" for sale, docs he in
cIude derricks, pulleys, jack screws,
yeast, rope and tackle and that sort of
thingP-LamDtOn.
Harvey discovered the circulation OF
the blood, but n woman was the first TO
discover how to make it bobby the
circulation of her husbands cash.
Phi1Gdelph hia Sun.
Never borrow trouble" said hus-
band to his wife. "Oh. let her borrow
it, il she can," exclaimed the next door
neighbor; "she never re turns anything
you know"
"What must do" asked mean and
conceited man of friend who knew
him we'll, "to get picture of the one
love mostp" "St for your own pic
ture," was the reply.
Providence helps man who helps
himself" except when he "helps him
Self' to some one else's property. Then
he has to depend mainly on his legs
NidlJet2aOn TranScriut.
"Will you take 'em on the halfshellP"
asked the agreeable oyster opener.
"No," said the stranger, regardless of
expense, "whole shell or nothing,"-
New Orleans PCGyune.
The Detroit Free Press states that
since patent medicine firm gave
Armstrong Swift, of Rochester, $500 for
new comet, the professor has discOv
cred that the firms advertisements are
very conspicuous on the fences of the
moon."
"What train is this ?" asked the be-
nevolent Mrs. Girdelee, of the gate
keeper, as she was returning from her
first visit to the city. "The mai train,
madam" "Well, when'il the female
train start l amt goin' to ride on
any of your male trains. ."-MtddhtoO'a
TRANSCRIPT.
Moriarty, who had been assaultedEby
Schmidt, appeared against him in San
Francisco police court. "Did he have
provocation to strike youP" the justice
asked. He may have had something
of the kind concayled about his person,
but it was a brick he struck me wid,"
replied Moriarty.
When the cook placed the turkey on
The table, upside down on the dish-that
is wi h its back up-the head of the
house got his back up, too, gave her
withering look and almost profanely
asked il she "s'posed he was going to
crawl under the table ami cu5 hole up
through the plate, to get at the breast OF
the fowlP"-NorristosO Herald.