The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1880-01-24
WIT AND WISDOM.
What does the man-tel2

When you want match,ask Lucy
for one.
Some complications are exceedingly
complex.
"Many arc called but few" have
full hands.
Flour Is mp. What of It? Isn't
1t always on rise.
When is sugar like a pigs feot2
When its in hogs head.
There is one consolation in being
broke. You have nothing to lose
and everything to gain.
My son, want you to emulate the
mule. Son---It is always backwards
in deeds of violence.
Adam was the first man who went
in the go-as you-please style, and
Eve was the first woman who did the
same.
Benjamin Franklin once said that
rich widows are the only second
hand goods that invariably sell at
prime cost.
Women wear lingerie now. 1t is
said that they used to we'll
we will call it undcrclotliing. Ia
II am engaged this set" said the
hen to the rooster as she went cack-
ling away.
When man calls his wife's maid
an angel, it is time for his wife to
make her fly.
She certainly had pretty foot, but
after all it didn't make half SO much
impression ON him as the old mans.
A Persian proverb says: "Tcn
measures Of talk were set down on
the earth, and the women took nine"
A Mr.. Pagan was recently mar
ried to Miss Christian. In this
particular case, "what will the harvest
bcT'
Just to prove an old adage, n straw
and rope were thrown at drown
ing man, and sure enough the drown
ing man grnpped at the rope.
Mr.. Thomas thinks 1t one OF the
most touching things in life to hear
a western hog singing to its young
est: "Therc's a litter in the miro,
baby nine" Ae 9e
When he Is twenty-one the boy is
supposed to have outgrown the
switch, but that IL just the age when
the girl begins to need one. i8
Miss Chalker and Mr.. Waterman.
Of Chesire, were married recently,
They intend to go into the milk bus
ness. tfa ,tl rs,ftsha at8
Gentleman--''I say, waiter, I've
just cracked this egg. Look at it,"
Waiter-"Don't look very well ut
that end, sir, must say. Try the
other"
"You never saw my hands as dirty
as that" said n pctulant mother to
her little girl. mo, but your ma
did" was the reply.
The boy who has the wood to saw
is ever ready to encourage any striv-
ings after muscular development on
the part of his fellows.
The demand for iron is now so
brisk that burglar who wants
Jimmy" must leave his order week
in advance. a3
The best lip salve 10 kiss. This
remedy should be used with caution,
as it is liable to bring on an affection
of the heart.
at il the little bit ov things that
fret and worry u.s." says Josh Bill
lings; "ws kan dodge an elephant,
but we kant fly"
"My good voman," said an evan
gelic caller, .'have you got the gospel
hereW
mo, sir, we haven't" replied the
old crone, "but they got it awful
down to Memphis"
A Miss Wheat, in Indiana, was
thrashed the other day by q man
whose WheatSheart slle had ceased
to be.
The young man who boosted that
he could marry any girl he pleased
found that he could not please any.
Some of the most quiet old men
in the world are those Who made
great racket in their younger d4ys.
There are two rules IN tie modern
code Of northern ehivalrytW aog
IS l. Be sure that your victim Il nm
armed.
2. Then shoot him ID the back.