The Red Cloud chief., 1880-07-08
nark Twain Hears . TeIepheaic Con.
ytr<afien.

- ~ a sAAEA HseAsA&
by and not taking any par; IN that con-
ve~rsation-is one Of the so.emnest
curiosities Of this modern life.
Yesterday I was writing n deep article
on a sublime philosophical subject
while such \ conversation WAS going
on in the room. notice tina; Que can
always write best when somebody -
talking through = telephone close by
Well. the thing began IN this way. A
member of our household came in and
asked me 10 have our house pat into
communication with Mr. Baglcy'..
d0wn-town. have observed. in many
cities. that the sex always shrink from
calling up the central Office themselves
/ don't know why, but they DO. 60 ]
touched the bell. and this talk ensued:
Central Office (gruny)-" Hellor'
lis il the Central Officer
&. O.-''Oi course il is. What do
you want?'
I.-"Wiil you switch me on TO the
Bagley's. p~leaseF'
&. O.-"All right. just keep your
ear 20 the telephone"
Then | heard k-ipok. s-Look, Eook-
Observation-Disclosures! then n hor-
rible "grit;ing" Of teeth. and finally
a piping female voice: "i-e-s?'
(Rising infiection.) Did you wish TO
speak 20 me?'
Without answering. I handed the
telephone To- the applicant, and sat
down. Then followed the queerest Of
all the queer things in this worId-a
conversation with only one end To il.
You hear questions asked; YOU don't
hear the " You hear invita-
tons given; YOU hear no thanks in re-
turn. You have listening pauses Of
dead silence, followed by apparently
irrelevant and unjustiiiable exclama-
tions OF glad surprise, or sorrow, or
dismay. You cant make head or tail
Of the talk. because YOU never hear
anything that the person at The other
end Of the wire saws Well, | heard
the following remarkable series Of OBJ
%servations. all from the one tongue,
and all shouted-for YOU can't ever
persuade the sex 10 speak gently into a
telephone:
Yes? Why. how did that hap
penn"
Pause.
What did you say"
Pause.
"Oh. no. / don't think IL was"
Pause.
mo! Oh. no, | didn't mean that. /
meant, put il in while it is still boiling.
or just before it ONES to a boil"
Pause.
..HhatF'
Pause.
IL turned it over with a back stitch
on the sewage edge"
Pause.
''Yes, | like that way, too; but /
think it's better To haste it on with
Nalenaennes or bOmbazine, OF some
thing of that sort. 1t gives it such an
air-and attracts SO much notice"
Pause.
ats forty-ninth Deuteronomy, six
ty-fourth To ninety-seventh. inclusive.
| think we ought all to read il often"
Pause.
Perhaps so; / generally use a hair
pin"
Pause.
'.What did you say? lAsidel Children.
do be quiet!"
Pause.
"Oh!B Fiat! Dear me, thought you
said il was the catr.'
Pause.
''Since Hhenn
Pause.
"Why, 1 never heard of IT,"
Pause.
lyon astound me! 1t seems utterly
impossible"
"EVho did?'
Pause.
Goodness gracious"
Pause.
''Well what is this world coming to?
Was it right in church,"
Pause.
''And vas her mother there?"
Pause.
'Why, Mrs. Bagley, l should have
died of humiliation. What did they
do?"
Long pause.
II can't be perfectly sure. because I
haven't the notes by me-; but | think it
goes something like this: te-rolly-loll-
loll. loll lolly-loll-loll. o folly loll-loll-
lee-ly-tti-dO! And then repeat, you
know"
Pause.
"Yes, 1 think it is very sweet-and
very solemn and impressive, if YOU get
the andantinO and pianissimo right"
Pause.
..Oh. gum-drops. gum-drops! But 1
never allow them to eat striped candy.
And of course they can't till they get
their teeth. anyway"
Pause.
"Uhdti?'
Pause.
"Oh, not in the least-go right OIL.
He's here writing-it doesn't bother
him"
Pause.
"Oh. no. not at all; l IKE to talk
but I'm afraid I'm keeping You from
your affairs"
Pause.
"Visitors?"
Pause.
"No, we never use butter on them"
Pause.
"YeS, that is a very good way; but
all the cook books say they are very I'M
healthy when they are u of season.
And he doesn't like them any ways
pecially canned"
Pause.
"Oh. / think that is too high for
them; we have eve paid over fifty
cents a bunch"
Pause.
Must you go? Well good-by."
Pause.
"Yes, l think 50. Good-by."
Pause.
".Four o'clock, then-rn be ready.
Good-by."
Pause.
Thank you ever so much. Good
by"
Pause.
"Oh, not at all! just as fresh. Which?
Oh. I'm glad to hear you say that.
Good-by."
Hangs up the telephone and says,
"Oh, it does tire a persons arm SORT
A man delivers a single brutal Good
by" and that is the end of it. Not so
with the gentle sex-I say it in their
nra,ca. thai oanrnf ohiAn ohr,ntnnc-