The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1880-06-19
Our Broadbrim Letters.
Busy 'Times-An Imported saint-A
Barber Baron Sad Death Of Prima
Donna-The Wheat Sharks, etc

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Barber Baron-Sad Death Of Pnma
Donna-The Wheat Sharks, etc.
NEW YORK, June l2, 1880.
EDITOR CHIEF:
A busy week very busy week,
commencing with the tribute to our
patriot dead, and ending with the
grand reunion Of 1900 saw bones,
gathered from all parts of the land,
and whose learned discussions on
sphymograns, autopsies, chrysopl'o-
I nic acid, pains, aches, dislocations,
contusions, amputations, contagious
diseases, and all sorts Of evils that
make mankind continually miserable,
was something marvellous to listen to,
as indeed it was incomprehensible to
hear. Then there was the assembling
of the Masonic Grand Lodge, and the
election of Grand Master and a
number of lesser officers. The Hick-
site Quakers had a peaceful meeting
and the refuse vagabords who went
to the Goss and Ryan fight, and who
escaped the peniten:iary they 50 emf
nently deserved, are all, am happy
to state, at home, and considering the
circumstances, as we'll as could pos
sibly be expected.
!. Nothing astonishes Inc now; I am
! prepared for almost any kind of sac
4 ,ilege. What say you to seizing the
} bones of a saint in New York :? none
Y of your humbug saints, made QUO of
wax and papier macle, but a real,
\ genuine, bona tide saint, one Of whose
I toe nails is worth more from sani-
tary point, than the assembled wis
dom of the 1900 doctors who were
NJ Just gathered here in solemn con-
clave. The saint, nicely boxed, and
! in about as good condition rs saint
could be expected to be who had been
j, under the sod for l4OO years, arrived
>. here from Rome last week. His pedi.
A gree was complete, and his canoni-
hi zation properly authenticated. Though
coming from Rome, / suspect lie was
not native Italian, for the name on
j the coffin was "Saint Dliscolius."
Now, the "ius" could never deceive
4 any man who had Knocked about
4 every part Of Ireland, from the Cur
rah Of Kildare to SBantry Bay. De-
prived of its Latin appendage, there
is no doubt but the saints name was,
originally, Patrick or Torrance Dris-
coll; but that makes no difference !;
he was y good, genuine saint never
theless, and was able to cure any
thing, from cholera morbus to tri-
chinosis. I never knew before that
there was duty on saints. Instead
of encouraging the impo, tation of
these beneficent ghosts, the miserable
Government has actually laid a duty
on them. Right across from New
} York, in the State of New Jersey, we
have the shin bone of a saint that can
cure broken leg any time, and rs
for fits-well, it's of no use for any
one to try and have fits where that
shin-bon is, for St. Benedict would
knock them higher than kite. When
} Bristow was Secretary of the Treas
ury, he admitted St. Benedict free of
, duty, expecting, no doubt, when the
presidential contest came off, that the
good saint would not forget him; but,
regret to add, the saint went back
on him and Rristow was beaten,
though there is no doubt but small
piece of St. Benedict's shin -bene
would have pulled him through. The
difficulty with regard to the appraise-
ment of St. Driscoll appears to be
that no one but a Bishop can break
the seals on the sarcophagns; for a
, custom house officer to attempt it
would be sacrilege, and the chances
are two to one if he attempted it,
that the saint would knock him down
or perhaps an explosion would take
place. worse than nitro glycerine, that
would blow the custom house iutO
s;nithereens, and teach these official
reprobates that saints, especially Irisl,
saints, are not to be fooled with. The
!, bones of st. DIiscoll are encased in
costly silks aud yelvets, and the duty
ON the raw material would be $50
A Mr.. McSorley, who appears as the
guardian of his saiutship's bones, has
taken an appeal to the Secretary al
the Treasury and, as our worthy
Secretary is known to have a pretty
good opinion Of saints in general,
hope St. Driscoll's hat may be chalked
! duty free.
< Another romance has been discOv
> cred, but unfortunately not until the
: imposter was laid in his grave. A
: few days ago, a stranger of distin'
guishe1 appearance arrived in New
York, and, us he sported wealth o
Dundreary whiskers, and spoke three
!, or four languages fuently, it was no,