davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

"OSCE, over these boundless prairies," the sad
passenger said, cover these praries-" "They
call them 'prurries' over in Indiana" the fat
passenger said. "And down in Illinois, said
the cross passenger, "they call them 'perar-
ries.'" "And up in Michigan" the brakeman
said, they call them pairs" "And down in
Kentucky" the man on the woodbox remarked,
''they call them 'perars." "Well, anyhow"
the sad passenger resumed, "once over these
plains" "You said 'praries' BEFORE" said the
passenger with the sandy goatee. Eyes, and
started a very profound pathological discussion
by it. Well, once over these verdant prairies-"
THE first time" said the cross passenger, you
said 'boundless prairies.'" 'Well, then, over
these boundless prairies once" "Only once ="
asked the fat passenger. The sad passenger
sighed, but went on: "Once the painted Indian
roamed-" "What for I" croaked the woman
who talks bass. And the sad passenger went
into his shell, and said he would tell that story
yet, if he had to hire hall to tell it in.-BurlHg
ton HaWkeye Nan on his Trarels.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03
Innocent Simplicity.

One of the assistants at the postoffice happen
ed to be standing at one of the delivery win
dows, the other day, when buxom damsel of
about 15 summers, bailing from Berrytown, step
ped up and asked if stamps were sold there.
Upon being told that they were, she said she
wanted to buy a dollars worth.
"ODe dollars WORTH" repeated the smiling
sistant; 'of what denonination"
The damsel showed symptoms of embarrass-
ment, and hestated to reply. She twirled her
shawl fringe pervously, east her eyes about to
see if any one was near moved a little closer to
the window, and finally asked, in timorous
voIee:
"Do you hef to write it DOWN."
by no MEANS" answered the courteous assist
ant; shat is not necessary: but presume you
have some preference to the denomination !"
"Ah-well-yes," replied the stranger her
face turning scarlet, 81 hev some. l generally
go to the Piscopal Methodist myself; but the
Teller I'm buying the stamps for he's Universal
Orthodox"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

No GOLD HEADED CANES IN HEAvEN.-At a
Southern camp meeting held many years ago,
says the Boston Transcript, were two ministers
who were mutually antagonistic. One of them,
Brother Davis, had a wooden leg, and, when he
was especially wrought up, would emphasize
every word by humping it on the platform.
During one of the sessions of The camp meeting,
when the public tent was crowded, and Brother
Davis was exhorting with all the energy in his
power, Brother Jones appeared with o gold
headed cane. Pointing his long bony finger at
him, Brother Jones, therell be no gold headed
canes in Heavenr NO." said Brother Jones,
angered by the sudden attack, land no wooden
legged preachers there, either"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

HISTORICAL ASECDOTEs.-"Brother," said the
Dean of Westminster to the Dean of Westmin-
ster, "what does the Prayer-Book mean by
'whirled without end'f" Externally gyrated, l
suppose" was the response.
Antony" said Cleopatra to her lover, al at
tended Mrs. Pharaoh's kettledrum this afternoon
Now, how do you think they started the wheel
of conversation there :" "Some fellow spoke, T"
suggested Antony, as he placed his feet on the
mantel. ak K.-Kwite korrect," added Cleo
patra.
"You know" said Plato to Socrates, shat
melons must be kept COOL" Socrates nodded
assent. "Now," continued Plato, ''if melons
were very scarce and descendants of Ham were
numerous in the vicinity, how would you keep
your melons cool and securef' I'D put them"
replied Socrates, Sin chilled iron safe"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

A LADY living near Baltimore, who is very
deaf stopped, milkman as he was passing the
house the other day, asked him how much he
charged for a quart of milk, and then put up
her ear-trumpet to catch the reply. The man
drew quart of milk and emptied it into the
trumpet, and the result has been that he has
has to 60 three miles ont of his way to keep out
of sight of the ladys son, who sits on the front
porch waiting for him to pass.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

THE Empress Eugenie has started on her pill
grimage to visit the spot where her sou fell.
If all mothers were to visit the spot where their
sons fell many of them would find themselves in
very disreputable places. Some young men fall
a dozen times in one night, while going home,
and they are not particular rs to the cleanliness
of the spot where they fall, either.-NorristoTn
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

SOME LEAP YEAR DEIIGHTs.-The latest fash
ion in Cincinnati is for young lady to rush
into the Office of bachelor friend, kiss him, and
say she accepts his offer of marriage, although,
of course, the unfortunate creature has never
made any. Their only excuse is that it is leap
year.-Ckicdqo Tribune.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

Two Boston women of couture" came across
an old fashioned milestone in the suburbs. One
read the inscription, 81. IN. from Boston," and
the other said: Here is grave, perhaps of
some young girl who wished il written on her
tombstone, I'm from Boston, How simple and
sufficient
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

TRIUMPH OF NEVADA SURGERY.-A stranger
in Bodie, one day last week in eating plate of
hash at a restaurant, being very hungry, un-
guardedly neglected to chew it properly, and
swallowed large coat button. They dOctored
him for pneumonia three days before he was
able to explain. Then they fed him a big but
ton hole tied to a string and fished it out in no
time. He now screens all his hash through q
cane-bottom chair very carefully before eating.
Gold Hill (Ner.) Netrs
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03
ANOTHER TESTIMONY.

BENTON BARRACKS Mo-, April 30 Is66.
Doctor John BuH-Dedr Sir - Knowing the efficacy OF
your Sarsapara and the healing and beneficial quail
ties 1t POSSESSES send you the following statement of
my
was wounded about two years ago was taken prison
er, and confined for sixteen months Being moved
often, wounds have not healed yet have not sat
mp moment since wounded am shot through
the hips. Ny general health is impaired and need
something TO assist nature. have faith in your
Sarsaparilla than anything else wish that which
genuine Please express me half dozen bottles and
obige, CAPT C. p. JOHNSON,
St Louis, No.
P. S-The following written April 30, lso6 by Mrs
johnson. mother of Capt johnson:
DR.. John BuH-De1r SIR My husband was = skiful
surgeon and physician in Central New York where he
died leaving the above C. p. johnson to my At
thirteen years of age, he had chronic diarrhea and
serefus, for which gave him your Sarsaparilla. 1t
cured Ai have for ten years recommended it to many
In New York Ohio and Iowa for serOfua, feversores
and general debility Perfect success has attended it,
The Effected Of serouLa and sores
aisost miraculous am very anxious for my 10
again have recourse TO Sarsapars He is fearful
Of getting spurious article hence his writing you fer
it, His wounds terrible but believe he will
Respectfully,
JENNIE JOHNSON.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

THE inventor of the Bloomer costume-Mrs.
d. c. Bloomer, of Council Bluffs-recently cele-
brated the fortieth anniversary of her wedding,
but in the accounts of the affair the local papers
fail to give Mr.. Boomers maiden name.-ChicG.
40 Tribune.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03
Jhe fun Of the Ching.
A SOUTHERN DELEGATE TO CHICAGO.

Said Phoebe Hensparrow. of North Carolisa,
To her spouse, when the sun was quite high
Git up, you big lbafer. snd stretch me 4 line,
And hang out these clothes fer to dry"
oh. faint worth while" her Tobias-replied;
Ny sperrit despses sech work.
III soon be as happy a clam at high tide;
III soon be content rs q Turk.
Ne more of this wsshin', you Phoebe for you;
No dredgery after while;
For you shall have nothink whatever 10 do,
But dressin' and putin on style.
IN uild you house in the heart of the town,
And paint IL in colors brick bright;
And you from the window shall brashly look down
Alike on the black and the white.
Il reckon I'll buy Colonel Jimmersonis place
Twill suit me know, to q charm
And git me blood horses to ride and to race,
While the niggers look out fer the farm.
Its goin to take cash, and heap on il, too.
To hold the Republican fort
i wish that knew-say PhRbe, do you =
How diamonds sells BY the quart ."
Law sakes ~ cried Phoebe; "tbe man is 4 loon
His heads in q terrible state -
Tobias replied: The Conventions in June,
And you bet I'm full delesate!"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

IN Frisco: ''See here. me Chinese lIaythun,
I'm wan of the Committee of National Safety !;
and bringing to me moind the words of George
O'Washington and Daniel 0'Webster in regard
to Furrn Infooince, We mnst go. Dye under
standf Ye must gor'-Rdrper's Weekiy.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

CUNNING correspondent tries TO put the
New York Sun in a hole by inquiring: "Can
man in this country marry his widows sister ~
The reply was: There is no law against it,"
True. there is no law; but there are difficulties
in the way.-CkicdqO Tribune
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

81 WILL tell the truth if die for it~ exclaim-
ed a witness the stand in North Carolina,
and the next minute he fell dead on the floor.
This is getting TO be a precarious world for
truthful men.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

In buying your tomato plants, plan it so that
they will bear ripe fruit when you are on your
vacation. Hens love tomatoes. Small boys
will eat them if they can he stolen; not other
wise,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

BEEcHER says the credit of what he has &C
complished is due to his wife. Well, now, by
George! isn't this rather underhanded meth
cd of attack f-Itldntd Constitution.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

POLITICIANS are sure of nothing. The man
who is the dark horse to-day may be the bray
ing mule of tomorrow, and the next day he
may be nothing at all but disappointed donkey
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

PAPER is too high for bustles; it can only be
afforded for collars.-Ner Orleans Picaysae.
Must be a very round-shoudered hustle that is
higher than a collar.-Ner Hdrea Register.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

"wIL Grant retire ~ asks an exchange. OF
course be will. Do you expect he will stay up
all night
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1880-06-03

xA tn 500 per day at home. Samples worth As fra.
w w WV address STxsoS Co., Portland Name
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
HERsCHRL y. JOHNSON,

Death Of the Distlnguished Georgian at tho
Ago OF Sixty-Eight.
Herschel V. johnson, man long prom
inent in public life at the South, died on
Monday night at his residence in jefferson
county, Ga. He was born Sept. 16, 1912,
and when quite young entered the political
arena as an advocate of the principles of
Jeffersonian Democracy. In 1874 he was a
Democratic presidential elector; in 1s4s was
appointed to the United States Senate for
an unexpired term; in 1649 became a cir
cult judge, and was elected governor of
Georgia in 1853 and reelected in 1855 in
1860 was candidate for vice president of
the United States on the Democratic ticket
with Stephen A. Douglas. When the
question Of secession arose he fought
against disunion as member of the con-
stitutional convention, but went into rebel
lion with his state. Subsequently he was
leading member of tho Confederate Sem
ate, but when tho war closed was quick to
renew his allegiance to the general govern
ment and, as Union man, presided over
the constitutional convention of 1865. In
1866 he was elected to the United States
Senate, but was denied his seat. In 1878 he
was again elected a circuit judge and was
holding that position when he died.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
STATE ITEMS.

James Halterman, farmer, living at
Craig Meadows, near Milford, fell from
hay stack yesterday and broke his neck.
Death was instantaneous.
Frederick Gentner died last evening from
injuries said to have been inflicted by Mar
tin Hassett, tavern keeper at $40 Brown
street, Philadelphia. The men quarreled
about the payment for liquor, and Hassett
is said to have struck Gentncr on the head
with a mallet or beer glass. Hassett was
arrested.
Samuel Murphy, of philadelphia, caught
a drunken man in his yard, whom he mis-
the police station, where he had taken his
man, Murphy found his mother, Rebecca
Murphy, aged 72 years, suffering from =
severe shock, which the noiso Of the en-
counter between her son and the galiot
had caused, and she died in an hour.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
Garfield and the StalWarts.

Much more unlikely stories have turn
ell out to be true than that which the
New York Mercury prints, sent from
Columbus, Ohio, in alleged explanation
of the attitude of Conkling to the pres
ent Republican campaign. According
to its correspondent the Ohio politicians
were not pleased with Garfield's pilgrim
age to New York to conciliate the GUS
tom house ring and ponies there. In
view of the pending close October strug-
gle i'm Ohio they deemed it of far greater
Importance that he should give un-
divided attention to his own state.
for if it is lost there will he
nothing saved from the wreck of his for
tunes for even the New Workers to claim
salvage upon. Even Garfield himself is
reported to have taken this view of it,
and to have curtly declined the invita-
ton to 90 to New York not only on
political but on personal grounds as
well, declaring, with a good sense that
he afterwards put behind him, that "any
man who was candidate for Office and
travelled in a circus performance would
he beaten, and deserved his fate.''
But a bogus report sent out that there
was to he "a bloody shirt campaign,
and plenty of money" in the South,
caused a focking of the political vultures
to New York, whose presence was repre-
sented to Garfield as imperatively requir-
ing his company, and he changed his
mind-as he is habitually doing-and
came. Conkling still held aloof, and it is
said Garfield had to 60 to him and ar
range terms for his active support. The
Conkling people say that Hayes did as
much for Schurz four years ago, and they
will take no Ohio mans word this time
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
SUMMER LEISURE.

Personal Paragraphs of Local Interest
Miss Fannie Dougherty, of Philadelphia, is
the guest of her aunt, Mrs. Dougherty, East
Orange street, and Miss Lizzie Nagle is
visiting the family of Mr.. Jno. II. McGov-
ern, Mannheim township.
Mr.. Coe Mullock, court stenographer, is
enjoying vacation among relatives in
Towanda, and other places in northern
and southern New York.
The man with the hay fever is daily be-
coming more numerous.
The Harrisburg Patriot notes that ''Miss
Katie Wagner, of South Second street,
left for Lancaster yesterday, to spend a
week or two among her relatives
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
Tho West King Street Fracas.

The fight which took place on West King
c. L. Northrup and Robert BlacO on the
other during which Goodman was badly
%orthrun S%s In rs has s'ah Already been decided
court and Mr.. Northr1p has been acquit-
preferred against him by Goodman.
It is duo to Mr.. Northrup to
say that he denies he was inso-
lent to tho chambcrmaids and walters
while at the Cooper house, or that he spat
upon ono of the ostlers, or that he in any
way put on offensive airs. As our state
ment to that effect was made on the au
thority of the prosecution VIC give tho de-
fendant the benefit of his denial.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
STABBING ARRAY.
A Corn Thief Ii Caught and StAbs his Cant
Tho Thief Arrested

A Corn Thief IL Caught and Stabs his Captor
Tho Thlof Arrested.
For some weeks past the farmers living
in the vicinity of this city have suffered from
the depredatiOns of thieves who by night
visit their cornfields and strip them of the
cars.
One of the sufferers is Edw. NJ. Kauff-
man, whose farm is just back Of tho college.
Last night Mr.. Kaufman set watch on
his field, the watchman being Andrew
Milleroa and 15-year-Old boy named An
drew Kaufman, q nephew OF Mr.. Kaufman.
They concealed themselves in the field
and soon noticed an old man and two girls
approaching. Tho girls went away (fOr
bags or baskets it is supposedly and the
old man entered the field and commenced
pulling off tho ears. Tho watchers than
sprang forward and attempted to arrest
tho man, but he pulled knife and struck
at MIR. Miller making slight
wound in his back. Young Kaufman
then picked up stone and told him if
ho did not drop the knife he would knock
him down. Instead of doing SO tho thief
made another lunge ut Mr.. Miller infiicting
\ fearful cash in his side between the two
lower ribs, the cut being nearly four inches
long and two inches deep. Then young
Kaufman throw the stone striking tho
thief in the forehead and telling him sense
less to the ground. Assistance was sont
for and tho thief was held until the
arrival Of officer Titus, who conveyed
him to tho lookup in Mr.. Kauffman's
wagon. He proved to be a German named
John Myers, living in the western part Of
tho Fifth ward. The stone with which he
was knocked down made an ugly cut in
his forehead which was sewed up by DIR.
Fitzpatrick.
Mr.. Miller's wounds wore dressed by DIR.
Lightner. Tho O,e in the back is not
serious but the ono in tho side is rather
dangerous, the knife blade having pene-
trated to within a very short distance Of
the heart
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
PERSONALS.

PRocTon KNOTT is safe at home. The
story of his being shot was canard.
DR.. SwENTzELL, of Pittsburgh, formerly
of this city, was attacked by two highway
men, while on his way home, on Liberty
street, and robbed Of a diamond cross
valued at $500.
Colonel MCNEIII., equcrry to the queen,
who accompanied Prince Leopold on his
visit to Canada and the United States,
was knighted by her majesty upon the
return Of tho prince.
Hon. HESTER CI.yMER, of Reading,
sustained a severe fracture Of the right
arm yesterday, by the overturning Of his
carriage. His mother-in-law and sistcr-in-
law, who accompanied him, escaped with
few bruises.
Commodore NUT. .has. been selling five
cent beer in San Francisco and was arrested
for keeping disorierly house where an
ancient matron testified that such prOfanc
songs as "Whoa Emma and "Grand-
fathers Clock" were sung.
CARLYLE is now grand uncle, and is i'm
menscly pleased and proud over his new
honors. He sends for tho infant whenever
anybody calls, and remarks upon the per-
fection of the fingcr-rails and the little toe
nails and all tho rest of the wee body. lie
turns it up and down and over, and ex-
plains tho mysterious and wonderful anat-
omy-in short, acts like a child over the
first baby it has ever seen.
In noticing the paucity of Lancaster
county soldiers at the National Guard
parade the Germantown Telegraph conveys
the startling news that what the county
fell short in numbers, however, it made up
in personal appearance, of Colonels REY-
NoLDs and STEINMAN and Major BRENE-
MAN, who owe it to themselves rs we'll rs
their grand old county, to have upon the
camping ground year hence, at least four
times the force.
Tho Lake City, COL, Register announces
that "a contract will bc let this week for
further work on tho drift, now in 100 feet
in the Mountain Chief mine owned by
CHAs. E. CAST, esq.,, of Pueblo, formerly
Lancaster Pa. 1t is ono of the richest and
most valuable prospect in San Juan. We
saw specimen the other day that glistcn-
cd with brittle silver and grey copper,
with some galena. Assays have yielded
1926 and 454 OF. silver"
Owen county, Indiana, challenges any
other county to show as true an old Demo-
cratic standby" as it can in the person
of ANDREW ARNEY. Mr.. Arncy is ninety
two years old. He walked mile to at
tend the organization of the Hancock and
English club of Spencer township, in that
county, and was tho first to sign his name
to the constitution of the club. He wrote
his name in a large, round, lcgible hand
without using glasses. He voted for James
Madison for president, and for every
Democratic candidate for the same Office
since.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1880-08-18
Silence Is confession.

New Era, Rep.
It is now several weeks since the E.rdnai-
ner stated rs fact within its knowledge,
that the ballot-box was changed in the
Second ward last year, SO as to materially
alter tho count for an important county
Office, and yet no steps have been taken to
punish the election officers who were guilty
of fraud and perjury under the law, if the
Examiner was correct in its statement OF
tho facts. And VIC have the right to as
sumo that it was correct, because not one
Of the officers implicated in the crime have
attempted to vindicatc themselves from
the charge by public denial of what, if
untrue, would be an atrocious libel. Tho
Second ward is one. of the most respect
able in the city, and it's primaries ought to
be above the suspicion of such daring
frauds upon its voters. The only way to
place it above suspicion in the future is to
adopt such measures us will insure the
punishment of any man who is bad enough
and bold enough, however respectable he
may claim to be, to stain his sOal with
perjury on the disgraccful plea that "all is
fair in politics."