The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1880-09-23

| ATeSu ucdrIS Cuelr yOuCnIul pleasures;
and Martha in her beautiful old age
was beloved as in her youth. Woman s
Journal.
A Conscientious Clerk.
A Galveston grocer has been observ-
ing for several weeks past that a great
many of his customers had quit him,
and were trading at rival store over
the way. He also noted that one of his
clerks, who had been converted at a
revival, rarely succeeded in selling any
goods at all to a customer. He had for
merly been very efficient clerk in SELL
ing groceries, hence the proprietor was
very much bewildered. Yesterday
morning the proprietor came down be-.
fore the clerk made his appearance,
and, hiding behind stack of boxes of
Blue Jackets Liver Encouraging Bit
tiers. waited patiently for developments.
Presently the clerk came in, put on his
apron, busted off the counter, whistling
From Greenland's Icy Mountains as
he did so. If was not long before q
wealthy lady, whose custom ran up into
the thousands annually, came in, and
asked the clerk if he had the celebrated
B No. sugar. He replied that they
had, showed her sample, and she said
she thought she would take about one
hundred pounds.
The conscientious clerk looked at the
lady very earnestly, and asked:
Are you prepared to meet your
The lady stared in blank amazement.
81 want to know if you have family
prayers regularly, and if your family
are fully prepared for a blissful here
after beyond the grave; for if you are
not you can't get the sugar, that's all.
There is enough chloride of tin in one
hundred pounds of sugar to kill the last
one of you, and don't want anybody's
blood on my hands, particularly when
they are leading wicked lives and not
fit to de-" and he put the cover on the
sugar barrel and strolled out to the door
whistling "Old Hundred"
The lady Haunted herself out of the
store, her face as red as fire, but it was
not any redder than that of the pro-
prietor, who was only waiting for an
opportunity to rend that clerk limb from
limb. Fortunately, several customers
breath, gritted his teeth and waited as
best he could for the hour of vengeance
to strike.
r Have you e got any claret-genuine
"Who do you want it for?''
81 want it for friend of mine out in
the country?"
elias he got good constitutional
"No, he is in feeble health, and I
want it to help build up his system"
1--WE make our genuine claret our
selves down in the cellar. The pro-
prietor attends to that himself. OF
late the infusions of lockwood and other
dye-stuffs we get from the druggist
have been of such poor quality that our
genuine claret won't do for me to rec
ommend. Ican't conscientiously do so.
You had better let your friend die anat-
ural DEATH"
The man said he was much obliged
for the information; but the clerk said
he was only doing his duty, and he
whistled, ..When I Can Read Ny Title
Clear" as the customer strolled of.
Other customers focked in, but he
firmly refused. to sell them dimes
worth. He explained to a cadaverous-
looking woman that her dyspeptic ap-
pearance was due to the China clay in
the flour, and the glucose and sulphuric
acid in the golden sirup she wanted to
purchase. Another lady wanted tea.
The good clerk said: madame, if you.
were to drop dead and wake up where
there is weeping, and wailing, and
crashing of teeth, I could never sleep
at night afterward. You could not buy
a pound of tea at this establishment
for all the wealth of the Indies. The
color of the tea is produced by Prussian
blue, which causes Justification of the
valvular system of the heart. lean see
by your leathery complexion, that is
caused by the tannin in tea, that you
are not long for this world. How do
know you have made your peace with
Heaven?'
"Got any good coffeep' asked fresh
customer.
1--WE have some beans faced with
phosphate OF calcium and sulphate of
barium, but the man who gets any of it
has to show clean bill of health from
his spiritual adviser" There was no
trade with that man, either.
Finally, Wn0n Cn0E0 were no cuSCOm-
ers in the store, the interview between
the enraged storekeeper and his clerk
took place, but the clerk so impressive
ly warned the grocer-with an ax-han-
dle-not to approach too close unless
he was prepared to 60 home, that
their business relations were dissolved
by mutual consent. The moral of all of
which is that things are not always what
they Characterization Nss0s.
The peach orchard of John II. Par
nell in Troup County, Ca, is said to be
the largest in the world. 1t covers two
hundred and fifty acres of land, and
will probably yield $4,000 this year.
Its owner is near relative of Charles
Stuart Parnell, M. p, the Irish agitator.
A RECENT issue of a Russian newspa-
per contained nothing but ADVERTISE
ments and the following: Through q
cause not our own, the original articles
prepared for this issue cannot be pub
lished, therefore we publish only adver.