Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1879-05-08


fla man bigger than you says
You are a liar, do not resent It.
lie may be mistaken.
The candidate who grasps
your hand most earnestly will be
the first to shake it after he Is
elected.
When the news reached Phil
adelphia that Shere Ali was dy-
ling, two lawyers immediately
started for Afghanistan to induce
the relatives to contest the will.
A book agent was knocked
down by a street-car the other
day, and two wheels passed over
his cheek. The car is laid up
pending repairs.
"What is the usual definition
of conscience?" asked a man of
his pastor. "A mans rule for
his neighbor's conduct is about
the way it comes out practically
was the reply.
A sparkling young debater,
in flight of eloquence, excIaim-
ed: 'Mr. President, the world
is divided into two great classes,
the learned and the Imlearned,
one of whom / am which"
Mr.. Abel of Wabash was
successfully divorced from three
wives. Then he married thc
first again, and now, upon her
death, he has reunited with the
second. The third has reasons
to hope.
Patent-medicine dealers are u
sing so many tricks now to have
their advertisements read that a
!Elan never begins an item, not
even a sermon, without looking
at the bottom to see if the words
"For sale by druggists" are there.
Mistress-"Come, Bridget, how
much longer are you going to be
filling that pepper-box" Brid-
get-"Sure, ma'am, and it's me-
self can't say how long it'll be
takin' me to get all this stuff in
the little holes in the top"
Andrew johnson of Chester,
Pa, argued with Lizzie Welsh,
from 6 p. m. until midnight, in
vain endeavor to convince her
that it would be well to marry
him. Then he committed suicide,
and the girl says that if she
had known he was so dee ply. in
earnest she would have accepted
him.
The following extraordinary
inscription appears on a tomb
stone in the English graveyard
ut PeshaWur: Sacred to the
memory Of the Rev. Blank Blank,
y. NJ, who spent seventeen years
as missionary among the Af-
ghans, and translated the Holy
Writ into their language. He
was shot by his attendant.
We'll done, thou good and faith
full servant. +"
The 'intelligent compositor'
IS abroad in Missouri. The
Warrensburg Journal asks the
reader, Sin translatinglast weeks
ISSUE" for "pilIows of light" to
read 'pillars of light;" for Long,
horn and Newsyrup, read "LaW-
hon and Newson;" for "drllnk
and dressed up" read "drearv
and desolate," etc. When last
seen the compositor was ten
miles from the Black Hills and
still running.
An impromptu mock auction
sale of women was amusing and
profitable, at first, in a Racine,
Wisconsin, church fair. The
young men bid literally for the
attractive girls, and it was all
very funny indeed until an ugly
but an influential sister was put
up. The auctioneer was COM
pell d to knock her down at 25
cents, and she was so angry that
she put on her things and went
home.
A refractory Irishman in Jail,
named Dennis McGinnis, re-
fused TO work. The keeper said
to him: "McGi.ini<, you go to
he pump" "Nivcr," replied the
Irshman. a second time the
keeper ordered Dennis to work,
but he refused to move an inch.
.'Now, for the last time, McGin-'
MS" !" exclaimed the keeper, "you
20 to work or to the pump"
''Nivcr, sir" said McGinnis,
.traightening up to the full dig
nifty Of a man, "Bedad, sir, Ill
ave the Jail first"
At "sociables" AT Storm Lake,
Iowa, permission to hing any
1ne between the ages of fifteen
md sixteen can be bought for
or ten cents; from twenty to
thirty, for five cents; hut it costs
| dollar TO hug another mans