The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-02-14
NO. z.
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

A mans character is like fence-you
cannot strengthen it by whitewash.-
Camden Post.
A woman in Springfield, Mass, might
have been killed had not the bullet lodg
cd in thick pad.
A New Haven woman has petltioned
for divorce from her husband because
he has no style about him.
The watch dogs honest bark" may be
all right, but it is the quiet dog that puts
in the bites.-HartfOrd journal.
A tack points heavenword when it
menas the most mischief; it has many
human imitators-C Breakfast
Table.
We would not wish Eli Perkins dead,
but we would like to hear that he had
commenced to light his fires with kero-
sene.-Danbury News.
What are you taking for your cold p
Saltwater Lumberman. Our price is
low. What'll you give. Make us an Of
fer.-Rockland Courier
A lady in Louisville has a husband
who snOres. She keeps a clothespin
under her pillow, and when his snoring
awakes her, she puts it on his nose, then
sleeps in peace.
Twenty years ago." said a colored
philosopher "niggers was wuf thousand
dollars apiece. Now, dey would be deah
two dollars dozen. It's 'stonishin' how
de race am running down."
A little six-year-old, upon finding a lone
and solitary stick of candy in his stocking
on Christmas morning, mournfully OK.
oil cd
TWINS, I'd only got half this muchp'
A family is like unto an equipag e.
The father, the draught horse; next the
boys, the wheels, for they are always run
ming around then the girls, they are sur
rounded by fellows. The baby occupies
the lapboard, and the mother-welI,
what's wagon without tongue, any
how.-Court Journal.
The country doesn't need postal saw
lngs banks so much as it wants kind of
attachment to the general delivery win
dow that will explain why a man gets
chalk on his coat and the smell of crack
ers on his breath, when che Just steps
dow to the post-ofice. "-Stillwater Lum.
herman.
A trance medium reports having had
vision of the future world. He didn t
see any winged angels or hear any harps
playing, but there were lots of sharp fea-
tured young ladies working out algebraic
problems on blackboards, and he con-
cludes that his vision must have been
confined to the Massachusetts depart
ment.-Andrew's Bazaar
We knew it would come-the report
that the Delaware peach buds have been
injured to a large extent by the cold
weather. The peach buds IN this vicini-
ty were also frozen and have dropped off.
We haven't seen a tree this winter that
contained single bud, so they must have
dropped of. This is a sign that next
falls peach crop will be large.-Norris-
town Herald.
A railroad company suspecting dead
heads put detective on the track. One
day he heard passenger remark that ii
was verv easy to go from B-to d
- without ticket. He watched the
speaker and was surprised to see him
hand the conductor a ticket. Getting
| into conversation with the passenger he
said: I'D like to know your plan for
travelling without a ticket, and don't
mind giving you couple of dollars for
it." Done" said the man, pocketing
| the bill. 'when l want to travel without
a ticket walk"
A young man was the victim of a sin
gular coincidence, the other night
While passing along the street, boy ex
ploded common cracker just behind
| him, while at the same instant rotten
banana, thrown from neighboring fruit
| store, struck him ON the head. He put
his hand up, felt the soft, moist fruit
and screamed: my God, Pm shot! Nv
brains are blown Outp' Then bringing
his hand around to his nose, he added
"And I'll be id if they don't smell like
bananas, tooP-Shreveport Telegram.
We find in the congressional record Of
the 31st debate in the United States
senate, running through five or six pages
| on the bill for paying out of the Usage
Indian civilization fund about $50, 900 tC
the lawyers who prosecuted the suit in
the United States courts for the settlers
on the Usage lands. Our readers are ia
miliar with the case, and it is unneces
| sary to re-state them. We refer to it now
only to say that it seems almost impos
sible to make eastern senators under
stand the right and justice of any matter
that comes up where the interest of set.
tiers on western lands comes in conflict
with any other interest. Senator Plumb
explained the provisions of the bill, and
went over the whole ground of how that
suit was brought. His case was as clear
as the MONDAY sun. He stood and an.
swered questions put to him by his
brother senators, until it would seem as
though it was impossible for them not to
have a clear comprehension of the case,
and yet they would get up and seem as
| ignorant of the whole matter as lot OF
school boys. Let the result be what it
may, lit went over the morning hour
Mr.. Plumb deserves credit for his cool
ness and the clearness of his statement