The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1879-02-06
HOW SUIT LOVENGOOD'S DAD
ACTED HOSS.

=
L He's spreadin' his tail to fly nowr
Keep him whar he Tsp
sWoa, shavetail!' 4
These and like expressions were ad-
dressed to q queer -looking,lone legged
short-bodied, small-headed, white
haired, hog-eyed, funny sort of .
genius fresh from some secondhand
clothing store, and mounted on 'Tar-
poke,' . nick.tailed, long, poor, hoss
half-brandy, half-devil, and enveloped
al over in . perfect net work of bril-
die. reins, cruppers, martingales, straps,
surcingles, and red furretin, who
reined up in front of Pat Nack's gro-
Gerry among q crowd Of wild noun
taineers, full of fight aad bad whisky.
Il say yous darnedl ash.carte, jist
keep your shirts on, will yel You
never seed q real hoss till rode up.
Tarpoke is jest next to the best boss
that ever shelled nubbins, and he's
dead % . stiH-werm, poor old Tick
tailp
What killed him, Sut?' said an
anxious inquirer, lrs iooro1
why, nuthin' you tarnal fool! He
jist died-died standin' up at that.
Warn't that good pluck? Froze stiff
no, not that, adzactly, but starved fust,
and then froze afterward, SO stiff, that
when dad an me pushed him oyer, he
just stack out so (spreading his arms
and legs,) like carpenters bench, and
80 we waited seventeen days for him
to thaw afore we could skin him.
Well thar he was-dad an me-(coun-
ting on his flngers) Dad an mo, Sal
an Jake, Fool Jake we used to call
him for shor) an Phineas, am Sine
son, am Jonas, and Charlateann, CAL
line, and Cashus Henry Clay, and
Noah Dan Webster, and me and the
twin gals, and Cathrine Second, and
CIeopatry Antony, and Jane Lind, and
Tom Bullion. and the baby, and marin
herself, and all left without hoss to
crap with. That was a nice mess for
spectacle family to be slashing about
in warn't .it2 swow, if didn't feel
like stealing hoss semetimesI Well
we waited and rested, and waited un-
til well in strawberry time, hoping
that come stray hoss mout come along,
but dog my cats eff eny auch luck as
that eyer comes whar old dad is, he's
% dratted mean, and lazy and ugly,
savage and trlflingY
well, one mite, dad he lay awake
all mite snortin,, and rollin' and whis-
pering at nam, and next morning, sez
he:
'Sut, I'll tell you what we'll do I'll
be boss, myself, and pull the plow,
while you drive me, and we'll break
up corn-ground, and the old quilt
CHATS marm) and the brats kin plant
1t or let it alone, jest as they pleasep
So out we goes to the paw-paw
thicket, and peeled q right smart of
bark, and mann and me made gears
for dad, and they become him might
ly; then he would have bride, 90 I
gets an old umbrella what found
it's little forked piece of iron, sorter
like onto pitchfork ye know-and
we bent and twisted it sorter into q
bride bit small shape, dad wanted it
kurb, as he said he hadn't worked for
some time, and he might sorter feel
his oats and 60 to cavorting.)
'Well, when we got the bride all
fixed on dad, he champed the bit jest
like hoss, Che always was q most
complicated old fool, enyhow and
mann always said SO when he warn't
sbout,) then L put on the gears and out
dad and me goes to tho field, lead
ing dad by the bride, and totin' the
gopher plow on my back. When we
came to the fence, 1 let down a gap
and made dad mad-he wanted to
jump the fence on all fours, hoss way.
1 hitched him to the gopher, and away
we went, dad leanen' forward to his
pulling right peart, and we made
sharp plowing, dad going rite over
the bushes and sprouts, same as a real
hoss, the only difference is he went on
two legs q
Presently we cum to a sasasafras
patch and dad, to keep up his karac-
ter as a hoss, bulged square into it,
and tore down q hornets nest nigh
unto as big "a a hoss' head. and all the
tribe kivered him strate. He rared |
aud kicked once or twice, and fotched |
. squeal wus nor ary hoss in the dis
trict, and sot into running away jist
as natural as ever you seed. l let go
the lines, and hollered, " GA, dad, " oa
but you might as well have said woa
to q locomotive. &c whillikinsi How
he run; when he cum to a bush, he'd
clear the top of it, gopher and oil
perhaps he thought there must be
another settlement ov bald hornets i'm
it, and that it was safer to go over
than through, and quicker doEe; every
now and then he'd paw one side of
his head fust with one foreleg and
then t'other, then he gin himself an
open-handed slap, that sounded like a
wagon whip, and running all the time
aud karrien that gopher jist about as
fast and high from yearth as eyer a
gopher was karried, swearP ~
when he cum to the fence, he bust.
ed right thrue il, tearing down nigh
onto seven panels, scattering and
breaking the rales nightly, and here
he left the gopher, gears, singletree,
and klevis, all mixed up, not worth
clam. Most of his shert stuck on to
the splintered end of a broken rale,
and nigh unto pint ov hornets staid
with the shert, stinging it all over,
tho balance Ov EN- about q gallon and