davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
AMasicrIy siroke Of Gcnlns.

The other day n muscular young fcl
low, having an udor of the stable abou
him, entered a Detroit photographer
establishment and explained that he
would like TO lave about one photo
graph taken, but on learning the price
he concluded TO invest in tin-tyne
Alter taking his seat in the chair hC
shut up one eve, drew his moutl
around one side, stuck up bis nose and
patiently waited for the operator
whose astonishment caused him TO OK.
claim:
Good gracious! but you don't want
to look that way TO get picture. No
body will know You from Sitting
Bull"
"You go ahead,' was the reply.
"Do you want me TO take such a
phiz as that
"l do"
The artist took it. 1t beat Sol Smith
Russell all to pieces and was highly
satisfactory TO the sitter, who paid for
it and said:
"Iou see, l had sort of object in
tins. Come hero from Allegany county
six months ago-cngaged to gal out
'here--fonnd gal here / like better
got to sever old lies -sce?v
But what has that picture rot TO do
with old ties!" asked the artist.
'Lots-heaps! I've writ to her that |
was blode up here on a boat and disfl-
gered for life. Shes awful proud.
When she gifts this and secs how that
explosion wrecked mc she'll hunt an
other lover quickel'm wink - see? How
do YOU like The plot? Just gaze on This
picture once and then tell nc thar
Mary Ann won't send back nv love
letters by first ilAil!"
lie posted the piciusc Tho letter
was brief, but explained all. 1t said !:
MY Ever Dear Gurl l incloze my
pickturc that you may see how ufni
bad L was hurt, tho | know YOU will
iuv me just the ssmc."
"Eycr see lhat game worked afore?r
he asked of the artist as he licked the
stamp on the letter.
"No-never did,
"COurse you never did. IFS mine
1t struck he the other day While was
grcasn' a wagon, and l think it's boss
Dlode up see! Disfiggercd for life
see! Picture right here to prove il.
and she'll write back that she has al
last concluded to yield to her parents
wishes and marry a young man out
there who owns eleven steers, hun
dred sheep aud an cight-acre lot."-
| Detroit Free Press.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
The School Boys on Tyler.

"A correspondent of the Louisville
Courier-Journal relates that when John
Tyler was President, the Wing party
was displeased with him. and said many
grevious things to his disadvantage.
The President took Il trip and made Il
short stay in a small country village.
The school teacher of the district school
invited his EXcellency to witness the
culture which she impaired to her pu-
pills. She drew them up in line and
propounded the following questions:
"Who was the first President?'
"George Washington the boys sang
out in chorus.
"Was he good manY'
"lle was!' the boys cmphatically re-
piled.
"Who was the second PRESIDENT"
"John Adams"
"Was he II good manr
"'Iic was"
So she kept on through the list until
she got to Tyler. Then she asked:
"Who is the present Prcsidcnt?"
''JOhn Tyler"
els he good man?"
"Wc are commanded by the Scrip.
lures not to speal: evil of our rulers
rolled out the little band of politicians
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
To the First Fly Of 1879.

Dance ON my nose with your tickling feet
Blucbuttlc Nv
Sing 0 my as with 70 II buzz to greet
Me, ms lie.
You will seek me out m my dark retreat,
With an eager zeal that no screen can beat,
And try to slap you clcar into the sweet,
sweet, bye and bye
I haven't seen you since seventy eight,
Little house hy,
Aud see you now with the bittercst hate
You can defy.
Oh, how hate you, nobody knows
Author of half my summer woes,
Oh, how prayed that you might be frozc,
Nillainous fly.
All through the winter you did not freeze,
Not much, Mary Ann.
Now all the summer you'll do rs you please,
That is your plan.
When In the warm.alternOons we would sleep,
Near us your wakefullest ygils you'll keep,
Precious is sleeping, but waking Is cheap.
Sleep, man, If you can.
Oh, how wish that my two broad hands,
Spread left and right,
Stretched from the poles TO Equator's bands,
Giants of might
Some summer day in my wrath would rise,
Sweeping Il i space with my hands of size,
And smash all the uncounted millions Of flies
Clear out of sight.
Vain are my wishes, oh little house fly,
You're hard to mash;
Strong men may swear and women may cry
-Teething their gnash;
But into the house your friends you'll lug.
You'll bathe your feet in the syrup jug,
And your cares you'd drowp in the laby's mug,
Cheeky and brash.
Still, precious lessons, dear little house ly
You teach to me.
Hated or loved, you tell me that
Happy may be.
Why should care, when tickle n nose
Whether its owners conduct shows
That he likes it or hates it, just so it goes
Pleasant to me.
fThis line should be read "Gnashing thci
teeth" but little poetic license was necessary t.
orlng in the rhyme. 1.-THE Hawkeye.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

The other evening n lady was all
dressed, ready TO go ont, when her hus-
band, wearing beaming smile, en-
tered, carrying a small package in his
hand, and said:
81 have got a surprise for you, my
dear-a lovely little present"
"Oh, how nice !"
"SomethiDg original-an ornament
for the hair. just sit down and let mt
arrange it. Now shut your eyes unit
tell you TO look in the glass. You re
member reading about that French lad,
making such n sensation by wearing ,
live beetleY
''Yes, indeed; is it something alive
How delightfully."- no..
"Wcll, this beats beetle all hollow
It's inst the sweetest little live nouso-'
The impression gained by the exper
iment was such that the husband say
he will not try amy more jokes with hi
wile-women don't understand jokes
IlIarper's Bazaar. r-l,l
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
Two Burial Scenes.

AT Washington, on Monday of last
week, the Hon. Ebon Ingersol was
laid in his grave. He lived and died ali
infdel, and the only words spoken
above him were from his infldel broth
er, Colonel Robert G.. lngersoll, who
voiced dreary unfaith in sentences
half pathetic, half stoical, and showed
in painful way how sad is death with
ont the light which streams from Res
urrection's morning. On Thursday, oi
the same week, in Niagara county
farmhouse, the neighbors and friends
of James G. Hopkins gathered to give
him burial. He had lived the plain,
simple life of a Christian believer, and
died in the faith of his life. "For,
whether in mid-sea or among the
breakers of the farther shore, a wreck
must mark at last the end of each aud
ALL" said the iniidel out ofhis hopeless
ness, over the dust ofhis kilr "Blessed
are the dead which die in the Lord"
said he who spoke of our believing
friend, "for they rest from their labors,
and their works do follow them.''
Life is narrow vale between the
cold and barren peaks of two eterni-
ties,' the skepiic testified; 81 am the
resurrection and the life," our hearts
found comfort in saying, as we looked
upon the face of our departed. All
what utter drcariness in the one burial
scene as compared with the other!
We do not care TO picture so sad Q
contrast further. OF the dead whom
we laid to sleep in that country church
yard, beneath its whispering pines, we
are glad that no such words would be
fit as Ingersoll spoke under the Capi
tol's shadow. We are glad that faith il
so much sweeter than unbelieving-
eternity, ut least, has more within il
than "cold and barren peaks" We ar,
sure that such life as James G.. Hop
kins lived has better ending than ashes
or hopeless wreck. lie was a man o
sterling integrity, clear business sense
strong convictions, large heart an,
abiding faith. Those who knew hin
best, respected and loved him most
He never served himself at the expense
of right. lie never spared self in devo
ton to duty. A faithful Christian, h,
labored zcalously for his Master. an,
spont of his strength and substance il
aid of the church he loved And h,
was certain, as we are certain, that the,
who die in the Lord are blessed, aut
that the rest of the grave is sweet onl,
for those who have wrought nobly ol
the way thither, yielding themselves [,
divine guidance, and dodfcating thei
manhood to Truth.--[Rural Home.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

VERY DTRTY.-An extraordinary
army joke has found its way into the
columns OF the Court journal. The
dirliness of the Afghan is proverbial,
and ii is said that upon one occasion
Gen. Roberts captured Mougu, who
was so preiernatnrally dirty that it was
thought necessary, tor the safety of the
whole camp that he should be washed.
Two genuine Tommy Atkininses were
told oil for this purpose. They stripped
him and scrubbe,l him with formidable
brushes and large quantity of black
soap for two hours, at The end OF which
they threw down their brushes in dis
gust, and went 10 thcir colonel. "What
Is il, men?' "Well, sir, we've washed
that Afghan for two hours, but it was
nj no good. After scrubbing him, sir
TIL onr arms were like to break, blest il
we didn't come upon another suit OF
clothes"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
How She BID II.

Was subject of absorbiog interest
to those who realized how sadly disease
had impaired heronce marvellous beau.
ty. Physicians ofemincmce had exhaus-
ted all their skill in her behalf, and il
yet seemed impossible to effect a cure.
She had long been sufferer from pains
i'll the side, back and head dyspepsia
ensued, the appetite failed, and the
nerves became unstrung. A torpid
liver and iniamod kidneys intensified
the trouble. 1t was complication that
often occurs through the pcrnicious
influence of one diseased organ upon
another, until the whole body is in un-
natural sympathy. Finally, when San
dalinc was tried, n desirable reaction
commenced. The process of recupera-
ton progressed until the full natual
standard of health and vigor was re-
gained. There are thousands of SINH
lar Instances where Samdalinc cured
where doctors and drugs had failed. Ii
is priceless boon to the despondcH
as it opens to them way from death to
life, and, to-day, mulitudcs of these arc
IN the enjoyment OF perfect health.
VIII do Just as recommended, used as
directed, OF money refunded. Sandal
linc Cologne is the most charming and
delicious perfume yet discovered. Price
81. Ask your druggist. DR.. Gounod' s
great medical work, ful of intrest. oven
25o pages. Price 81. Send Tor il.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
Dear TO Every Heart.

A gentleman stepped into school
room in Cincinnati during recitation
in geography, and was invited by the
teacher to ask the class few questions
lie courteously complied.
"What is the capital of Michigan?"
"Lansing," was the prompt answer.
"What is the largest city in Michi-
gan?"
"Detroit.v
"Where is the great University Of
Michigan located?'
SAT Ann Arbor."
"What is the capital of Pennsylva
niaw
"Ilarrisburg."
"What is the largest city in Pennsyl
vania?"
"Philadelphia.'
"What building is there in Philadel
phia that is dear TO the heart of ever,
patriotic American citizen?'
That was poser; the class wa
troubled, but made no answer. The
doctor repeated the question.
81 know" said little fellow on
back seat, as he stretched up his arm I,
its full length.
"Tell us what il is, then, my boy,
said the doctor.
"Tho Mint" was the confident an
swer.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
The Manufacture Of Beer.

The beer brewers have had their an
nnal meeting, this time at st. Louis.
From statistics gathered it is shown
that last year 10000, GOO barrels of beer
and ale were manufactured in the
Uniied States. OF this amount New
York state made $3.50, ,l9S, Maine made
barrels, Vermont 173, Rhode Island
52.5l0, Conncc:icui 81, ,235, New lamp
Shire 1870, Massachusetts 572,O9S,
auG Pennsylvania e57 $50. Maine for
lLcily produced nearly 10000 barrels.
! bis mas fallen 20 seven barrels, in con-
,eGUencc of tic local enforcement ol
The prohibition law. II takes 2,s3o
brew cries to inrn out the 10000, ,00C
barrels this year produced, of which
New York liss 40j; but these manutac-
.nre over one-ihird OF the whole quan-
iiiy. Pennsylvania has 3S3 brcwcries
Wisconsin, 2lS; California, 2l3, and
Ohio, 207. Two-lhirds of the annual
production is sold in the spring and
summer months. The brewing indus
Try has paid To the Government il,
taxes on malt liquors since 1868 $780,
7l7, 243.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

The pedestrian fever has even OK
tended 10 the most secluded precincts OF
the family circle. We hear of several
young ladies Of highly respectable pa
rents who are in training 10 walk, aud
nearly all Of them are under rwo years
of age. ,i, ""
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

What is The difference between jew
and lawyer? Why, the one gets his
law from the prophets, the other gets
his profits from the law.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

When you meet lady in company
don't refer TO the time when you used
10 draw her 10 school, forly-fivc years
ago. Detroit Free Press.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

A crack-brained yonng man, who
was sighted by the females, very mod
estly asked young lady If she
wouldn't let him spend the evening
with her. ''No," she angrily replied,
''that's what won't" "Why," he re-
piled, "you needn't be so fussy: 81
didn't mean this evening, but some
stormy one when can't go anywhere
else"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

PosT-oFFICE NOTICE
CHURCH DIRECTORY.
AiIDDLEBURY.


C'ongreqafiondl-Corner Pleasant and Main SITS
Rev. 4. p Hooker, pastor. Sunday services a
10 As AM. and 1900 Pm. Thursday evening
lfethodist-North Pleasant-st. Rev. w. II. Row
som, pastor. Sunday services at 10 40 AN ant
700 Pm. Thursday evening prayer meeting a
Episcopal-St. Stephens Church-Main-st. Rev
James 4. Franklin, rector. Sunday school at 9;3t
AN sunday services at 10 40 An ana 10 Pm; M
ningham, pastor. Sunday services, alternate Sal
baths; High Mass at 1000 AN; Vespers and
benediction at 80 pm.
EAST MIDDLEBURY
Methodist -, pastor Sunday services
at2:O0P.M.
vERGENNEs.
Bapfist-Rev. Charles Hibbard, pastor. Sunday
services at AS AM and 1900 Pm. Weekly
prayer meeting on Thursday evening at 100.
Lethodist-Rev. III. n. Munger, pastor. Sunday
services at |: 100 and 100 Pm. Weekly prayer
meeting on Thursday evening at :0O;
Episcopai-St. Paurs Church-Rev. +. $. Fisher,
octor. Sunday services at 10 45 AM. and % Pm
Friday evening at 100.
services at 10 40 AN. and 1900 Pm. Weekly
prayer meeting Thursday evening.
eryiccs, alternate sabbaths; High Mass at 10 90
AN; Vespcrs and benediction at :00P.M.
Congregationoi-Rev; George L. Hall. pastor
prayer meeting on Thursday evening at 700.
Bristol Directory.
CHURCHES.
Baptist-Rev W. u. Hall, pastor. sunday ser
vices at 10 AS A. Nj. and 10 p. NJ. Prayer meet
ing Thursday evening at 30. Young people $
meeting Tuesday evening at 80.
MefhOdisf-Rcv. l.. A. Dibble, pastor. Sunday
services 1t 10 :l5 A. NJ. and :0O 4, Nj. Class meet
ing Tuesday evening at ] 30 Prayer meeting
Thursday evening at 80.
Adpent-Rev. Mr. Quimby, pastor. Sunday
Evangelical Adrenf-Rev ID. BOsworth; Prayer
meeting every Friday evening at Elder Bos-
worth's house.
MAILS ARRIVE.
From New Haven, the North, New York, Boston,
and the West through Burlington, 30. Pm.
From New Haven, the South, New York, Bos-
ton, and the West. :25 Pm.
From Richmond, Huntington, Huntington Cen
tor, and Sarksboro, 8 p. NJ. Mondays Wcdnes-
days and Fridays, at 4 :3Op. m
From Lincoln, 5P. NJ.
From South Starksboro, three times week ir-
regularly.
regularly.
MAILS LEAVE.
For New Haven, Boston, New York, and the
South, 10 80 A. NJ.
For New Haven, the North, Boston, New York,
and the West through Burlington, 2 :0O r. N.
For Richmond, Starksboro, Huntington and
Huntington Center, 80 Tuesdays Thursdays,
Saturdays, at 30 n. m.
For Lincoln, 0 100 p. M.
For South Starksboro, three times week rreg-
Hlarly.
For New Haven Mills three times week rreg
FREDERICK LANDON. p. NJ.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
QUEEN CITY PARK
And Picnic Grounds.

A DESCRIPTION OF THE PLEASURE RESORT
ESTABLISHED by TIE CENTRAL YER
MONT RAILROAD IN THE SPRING or
1873.
To meet an increasing desire in the
minds Of the public for the enjoyment OF
a modern picnic ground, and also in
recognition of the liberal patronage of
excursions, the managers of the Cen
tral Vermont railroad, in the early
spring of 1873, found the long-looked-
Tor spot, and called it
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

WAILAcK's ORcHEsTRA.-The or.
chcsira of Wallack's Theatre, New
York, is famous for its extraordinary
precision. This is due entirely tc
Thomas Baker, an Englisham, who has
conducted it for years. Mr.. Bakerused
to suffer terribly from rheumatism, but
now is as supple and nimbe as a school
boy. He ascribes his freedom, as he
ought, to Giles Liniment Iodide Am.
monia.
Giles Pills cure iliousness.
Sold by druggists. Send for pam
phlct. DIR. GILES,
100 West Broadway, N. Y
Trial size % ccnts.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

AN AUTHORITY oN BLACK Eye
Harry Hill, the famous sport y is said
to know more about black eyes than the
brightest brunette in America, lie has
given and taken thousands in his time,
and lac says the only thing which will
remove them within twelve hours is
Giles Linimcnt Iodidc Ammonia
Giles Pills cures Constipation.
Sold by all druggists. Send for pam
phlet. Dir. GHEs,
l20 West broadway, N. Y.
Trial size % cents.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20

There are new bathing suits, new
patent swings, and bowling alley is
being built, and shade placed over the
band stand.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-06-20
BUSINESS CARDS.

(NLEN HOUSE.-East Middlcbury. Vermont
" 35m3 WILL ALLEN, Manager.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03
A Sure Thing,

DR.. Kings Syphilitic remedy is warrant
ed to cure syphilis in the primary, second
airy and tertiary stages, and in all its varied
and complicated forms, and will cure the
worst case of venereal disease. cases which
have resisted the treatment of the most
eminent and skillful physicians in America
1t cures the first stages and heals the nj
GERS in few days. Is cures ulcers in the
mouth. nose, throat, head, arms and legs
also, hard pains in the bones and joints
swelling Of the joints, syphilitio rheuma
tism, ETC., in a short time. Price, SIS pei
package, Sent everywhere by express. A
treatise on sexual diseases free. Sen
sealed for two stamps. DR.. j. Dinsbeer
AIS North Seventh street, St. Louis, solt
proprietor. Cures guaranteed. or tn,
money refunded.
DR.. Dinsbeer makes chronic diseases
specially. If you are afflicted, with n,
matter what, cal. or write. m-t-w
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03
Ctr 99ailg Atsns.
ROCK ISLAND, .......... .1LLInoIs
Chicago Times.


The call for national convention of the
lrrev. Robingersoll's new political party
is addressed, generally and particularly, to
all persons who believe that nobody should
be expected to believe anything, in respect
OF religion, morality, or politics, that he is
not inclined to believe. The bantling has
been christened by the wet nurses (there
are eight of them the liberal party. The
name, however, is obviously a misnomer;
for there is as little of hberality in the
dogmatio bigotry of the Irrev. Ingersoll' s
atheistical preaehment as there is in the
doctrines held by any religious sect in the
world. True liberalism is no more or less
than rationalism, which makes no combat
and seeks no controversy with men on ac-
count of their beliefs. Bobingersollisne, on
the contrary, is rabid, aggressive, intol-
Grant propagandism of positive disbelief
as irrational and illiberal as any belief il
pretends to antagonize. There is. or was
some years ago, so-called political party
which proposed, as its aim, to Incorporate
God in the constitution" The Bobinger.
soil party is something more than the op-
posite to that, for it proposes to Danish the
Almighty from the laws, the school hou
SEES, the first and all other days on the
week, and even from his own temples oil
worship, lin fact to exclude him from the
country altogether. The project to start g
political party for such a purpose is moi
liberalism; it is heathenism.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03
Renefactors.

When board of eminent physicians and
chemists announced the discovery that by
combining some we'll known valuable rem
edies, the most wonderful medicine was
produced, which would cure such a wide
range of diseases that most all other rem
edies could de dispensed with, many were
sceptical; put proof of its merits by actual
trial has dispelled all doubt, and to-day
the discoveries of that great medicine, Hop
Bitters, are honored and blessed by all as
benefactors.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03

a Frenchman said he hated girl who tried to
be a woman and woman who tried to be girl.
Our chilcren especially the girls, are forced too
much for an early market, We long to be old
when we are young, and young when we are old.
Our girls are little too fast in stepping on the
platform of womanhood. This coertion entails q
suspension retention of natural sccrctions, which
not attended TO promptly, Is attended with head
ache, loss of appetite, constipation, pains in the
side and back, palpitation of the heart, swimming
of the head, cold feet and hands, they loose The
bloom of the check and the lustre of the eye, be
come detected, feeble and emaciated. If in this
condition you can be restored at once by the OF
English Female Bitters, the only known female
restorcr before the public.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03

THE ARGUS JOB PRINTING ROOMS
turn out Cards, Circulars, Note Heads
Bill Heads, Law Briefs, and all other
kinds of Printing, in the highest style Of
the art, and on the most reasonable terms,
And The ARGUS Book BINDERY is doing
all kinds of work in that line, neat, quick
and cheap. The friends of the paper and
the public generally are invited to give oul
work trial, dwt.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03
Deafness in Children.

Thousands Of parents administer quinine to their
children in such quantities to deafness dim
Of vision pain in the head and general prostra-
ton of the whole nervous system. This practice in
many cases proves pernicious, and more pleasant
and potent remedy for the of chills and fever
is actually demanded. After much scientific re-
search remedy has been compounded possessing
the power to cure all forms of chiils and fever
without the of quinine, and that does not pro-
duce unpleasant symptoms. The article is Days
Ague Tonic, which never fails to make permanent
cures.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-03
SALT RHEUM,
Life burden from the sufferings caused
by this terrible disease.

Messrs. WEEKS & POTTER: Gentlemen, - Please
accept my most gratful thanks for the great, very
great comfort have received from the use of your
CUuCURA.
For the past eight or nine years have been
troubled with that dreadful disease, Salt Rheum.
For months 1 would be helpless.-my very life a
burden to me.
have used everything in The shape Of medicine,
both external and internal. but with no effect
My hands were in terrible condition, the backs
Of them being all raw, and thought would try
CUTIoURA.
tried 1t, and lol it was as if miracle had been
performed, for viii take my oath that in three ap-
plications my hands were as smooth new born
babes.
presume there are hundreds, il not thousands,
who know of Imy case, among whom they may be
some similarly afflicted, and il SO would ear
nestly advise him to give CuTToURA a trial.
Yours, very thankfully,
A. D. BAKER, Ticket Agent, G. 8. r. r.
Detroit junction, Detroit, Mich, Jan. 60 1879.