The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1879-08-15
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Ifeyery one who's played the fool
Had died and turned to clay,
How many people would be Iefl
Alive and well TO day
step5suriae Heraa.
"Give me ten minutes start of q mad
dog" said Weston, "anl I'll solve the
problem of rabid trapsit." Utica Oh
serrer.
A London scientific Journal has Just
discovered plan for splitting paper"
A plan for chair splitting was discoy-
cred long ago-TorTistoaca Herald.
An Americus, Ca, youth, who can't
muster the courage to propose, las IS
sued an attachment and placed it IN the
hands of constable to be served on his
Duleinea.
In her graduating essay the young
woman discussed about struggling
among the heathen, but in six months
she married a white Elnsirs i'd
rertiser.
Chicago covers forty-seyen square
miles. What fearful amount of Ia
Dor it must have required, says the
Boston Post, TO make out mortgages to
cover that territory.
How mems tastes differ One drop
ped into his seat at the restaurant and
murmured, "Hot wether~ and his
neighbor said ''Cold muttonF -Bost05l
Commercial Bulletia
nJames Gordon Bennett captures
the North Pole, the Chicago Journal
says he can make new fortune by ex-
hibiting it in this latitude during the
months of July and August
A young lady, parting with a friend.
was heard to say: 81 wish yon would
ccme up and be our coachman. This
is rather a neat way of declaring inten-
tions.
There is rat in Columbus, Geer-
gia, guardbouse which, according to the
Enqltirer-Ss,n, is half the size of a ter
rier, means ike human being. and
evidently bears charmed life
Soak sheet of paper in whisky and
let the flies get at it. In ten minutes
you can pick any one of them up by
ithe hind legs, and their wise look viii
astonish you.
They're going to be stylish again
those awfully tight pantalcons- and it
will be one Of the duties of the valet to
each morning grease his masters legs
and force him into his neither garments.
Free Press.
Rivalry, says the New Orleans Pic
aysae, has made journalism peculiar in
Cleveland, where the reporters of one
paper knocks the reporters of another
paper down and take their news away
from them.
A great many of the young men
} hereabouts, says the Albany Journal,
are becoming expert steyedores, if it
may be Judged from the rapidity and
dexterity with which the can unload
sschooners." Let us have temper.
ance society.
"What buildings that" said an old
, lady, pointing to Greenwich Hospital.
Old Salt: ssGreenwich Hospital ,marm
for the old sailors. Old Lady: pray
are they awarded according 10 then
agef' Old Salt: "No, marin, but &C
, cording to their wounds the mers
j limbs they loses the more stumpy they
) gets.
An Irishman, some time ago, wa
: being examined as witness in some
street quarrel in Bishop-Auckland, whel
sharp attorney, trying to bsowbea
the Hibernian concerning which sid,
of Newgate Street he was on, asked
(Which side of the flag were you on 7
ssBedad, your honor replied Pat
ssthere's only two sides to a flag, an
Z was on the top side.
s An Ananias story reaches us Of
g detachment of Russian troops on th
e march being compelled to retrace thei
/ steps, lowing to a swarm Of locust
J. which covered an area of thirty-fiv
5. square versts." This is the verst tim
q such thing ever happened to soldiers
it The military fired at the insects 70
a half an hour, and the dead and wound
n ed were piled in heaps. but fresh locust
n filed up the gaps In their ranks, an
rs the soldiers were obliged to retreai
rs which they did without losing mar
le ~ NorYistosrn Herald
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