The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-05-15
HUMOROUS.

| this horse Of mine was tOugh-bittcd, land
| he went SO fast that ! had to guide him
| by clcctrlcity--had tn have wire lines
and keep II battery In the wagon all the
time In order to stop him."
why didn't you stop him by hollcr-
Ing who-nT' inquired.
Stop him by hollcrimg whoa? Why,
| couldn't h0llcr loud enough to make
that horse hear me, lie Travelled so
fnst that no sound ever reached him
from behind. He went faster than the
sound, sir. lIDllcr whoa and hon be
IN the next town before tho sound of
your voice reached the dash board
'Traycl tasL?' | should say he could
Why, once started from Virginia
CITY for Meadow Creek right In front
OF one Of tho most dreadful rain storms
we ever had on the Pacific Coast
wind and rain?' why, the wind
blew eighty miles an hour, and the rain
fell in sheets. drove right. before
Tint storm for three hOurs-just on tho
edge of that hurricane and rain for
forty miles"
"Dld you get drcnch cd ?"
Drenchcd? No, sir? What did
keep Il fast horse for2 Why, tell you,
storm. | could lean forward and let
tho sl.n shine on me, or lean backwar
and focl rain and catch hail-slones.
When the hurricane Stacked up the
horse slnckcd up, too, and when It
blew faster | just said 'Git up!' to the
horse and touched tho battery, and
away he went. Now, don't want to
lie about my horse, and don't ask you
to believe what say. but when | got to
Meadow Creek my linen dustcr was us
dry ~ powder. Not IL drop of rain on
tho wagon seat, either, while tho wagon
box was level full OF hailsloncs and
watcr.'
liz DIDN'T The woman who doubts
entered II Detroit fish store tho other
day with hcsllating step, and after
looking nronud upon various kinds Of
the ilnny tribe, sho turned to the pr0-
priclOr and asked:
"Do You keep fish hero ?"
"N No, mndnm," was his prompt reply.
Wo keep hardware and groceries
hero, but you will find fish store four
doors below. Come to the door and |
y i'll show YOU"
She looked from him to the fish and
bnck, hcsilatcd, and he continued:
Can | sell you anything In tho line
Of stoves, .o-duyY"
She shook her head and walked out.
She didn't call Mt four doors below,
which Is II tobacco store, but she
looked into the windows at tho display
Of pipes, then back to tho fish store, and
somehow or other something puzzled
her.
WoULpsr play mo falsc2 Ah, ,
yes | 500 IL In thy furlivo cyn! How
now P-unhand mo, villain !" said II
lady on u street car the other day, look
N ri ut In
sat next her.
"Greut Cmsarl ain't a-touchiug
ycr!" said tho young man, much sur
prlscd.
"Sirv'
"I say didn't do nothing. It's
fearful crowded hero, but | haven't
laid hands on yer, miss"
con, do bo quiet, you rude thing !!
Can't you SEQ Pm just going over my
pnrt2" and tho popular leading lady
got OF In u hum.
\ CHARMING young thing at New
York school examination, In reading
hCr exercise before Il largo audicnc Of
parents, changed Keats line, "a thing
Of beauty Is Il hoy forever" She is
younger than she looks, but Is expected
shortly to be engaged.
"CoME now, slupid," said tho school
master, "you don't know how much
two and tivc make. Now listen. In
one pocket l have - and In tho. other
S.. Now how many dollars have got ?"
g. Let nc see them and | will tel! you" "
School was dismissed.
TiiE man who calls for tea at al ordi-
nary cating-house, "as strong as tho
kick of n mule" complains he got it as
weak rs goou resolution.
A QUEER old gentleman being asked
what ho wished for dinner, replied,
"An appetite, good company, something
to cat, and napkin"
n WESTERN woman has lost two hus-
bands by lightning. She ought to
marry q conductor.
On THE farm hens cackle early and
cackle late. Yet man holds that ami
mails do not reason.
WHAT is that which Is neither flesh
nor bone, and yet has four fingers and
a thumb-A glove.
Low RENrs-Thc holes In tho knees
Ol DOyS tfOWScrS.
THE day after washing Is one of sad
irony.
TIE muSquito, like charity, begins to
hum.
TIN last thing out-My bed-candle.
- -
DIR. j. u. Cook,
OF Cooksvlllo Heard County, Ga, writes:
Messrs. y. Ncustacdtcr l. Co.
Gcntlemon, am happy to inform you that
Anake$iS, DR.. & S.lsbees Pile remedy. mot
with my appreciation. have tried it in three
different cases, and it has not failed to relieve
then at once Tho patient that had it for two
years says he thinks he il we'll, and that no
always expects to keep box on hand for fear
1t might como back again; another case Of
short duration used only throe applications aud
says sho IL entiroly we'll. 1t is tho best thing
l have over seen for Piles. will use it in my
practice when needed.
Yours obedcntlv,
I u COOK