The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-09-20
BURDETTE AND SOME MOSQUI-
TOES ATTEND CHURCH,

AOA11 ~ y AaN1
But down at Musquash. Last Sunday
night we all went to church down at Mus
quash, and heard Mr.. Hopper preach,
pleasure that all Burlington will envy u's
Mr. H. was down there helping the rest Of
us enjoy ourselves, and the Baptists of Mus
Quash just pressed him into their service for
one day. Well, had been trout fishing all
the day before and had waded down the
river few miles, and Saturday night l
poured a bushel and hulfof oats into each
of my boots, and all the bright sunny, Sab
bath day they set out in the sun and basked,
while lOunged aronnd loosely shod in
slippers, and extremely happy. went to
church this evening, and you can't imagine
how easy and comfortable were my slip
pered feet. l thrust them out before me
and admired them. In moment or two
a mosquito came sailing along, huinming
the refrain Of hymn the congregation had
just ceased singing, This startled me lit
tie, but not very much, because ! always be-
lieved that the 81, John mosquitoes could
sing If they would. Well, this fellow sailed
on, passed me, then he turned and came
back, and ob;eryed that he had a wicked
look in his eyes, although, I reasoned, that
was no more than one might expect Of a
mosquito that few around on the Ssbboth.
Presently, still humming "Broad is the road
that leads to death = the bird made a few
circles and lighted on my slippered feet,
making his landing about an inch above the
slipper.
"Now, son." said, "this is a little TOO
much admire cheek, but you fairly
gorge my admiration. am sorry for you
because know your harmlessness and your
stupidity. But your impudence is more
detestable than your imbecility is touching
and am compelled to mash you.'
lifted my other foot to crush him, and l
may live thousand years ifthat mosquito
didn't get the drop on me.
haven't felt anything like it since seven
years ago, when tried to mend the family
wasbboiler, and poured a tablespoonful Of
sizzling, glowing, bubbling solder down in
side my shoe.
AS | am truthful man, when l felt the
shot, l looked down, and that mosquito had
his hind legs bent under him, his front legs
stretched out and braced against my foot,
while the venomous wretch, holding his
mouth full of epdermis and stocking, leaned
back, pulled, and shook his head savagely
like bull terrier, without ever breaking
his hold. just before kicked him he let
go and sailed around behind my head,
while he was joining the congregation in
singing:
"Brethren, while we sojourn here,
Fight we must, but need not fear"
sat in silent enduring agony, wonder
ing what kind of bird the mosquash mos
quito was, when suddenly another one came
behind me, caught me by the beel, and |
thought in my soul it would pull the leg off
me before could shake and kick it loose
And then it lodged about my ears, snap
ping at them as it went by, and humming
with great affectation of feeling,
~ would not live always"
was glad that it felt that way about it. 1t
lived long enough to satisfy me,all the same.
All through the service this inhuman ban.
quet went on. The mosquitoes that came
late didn't stand on ceremony, but drew
right up and helped themselves, "Cut
little closer to the bone," the old ones will
say to the new comers, ,"you'll find the meat
sweeter." And close to the bone it was.
kept up regular tattoo with my feet, until
the senior deacon came over and whispered
to me that the Dominion churches had not
adopted the New York custom of applaud
ing the good points in a sermon. Then
held my feet off the floor and kicked them
straight out every time a new mosquito got
the drop on me and made bull's-eye, until
a man sitting in front of me turned around
and sternly assured me that if didn't quit
kicking his wife and children he'd throw
me out of the window. l had wondered
several times, in an abstracted sort OF way,
what the children were crying for. Once,
in my sufferng,I got my feet up on the pew
and tried to sit on them, but the maneuvre
seemed to afford the young ladies in that vi
cinity so much amusement that had to give
it up. l got hold of window stick, and
tried sPearing the mosquitoes with it, like
eels, but it attracted too much attention, and
owing to my nervousness, was failure any
how. At last, either because it was all gone,
or because they had enough, or because the
service was concluded, the mosquitoes quit,
and the last heard of them as they started |
over toward the other side of the room to |
swarm on bald headed man before he could |
get his hat on, they were singing with the
congregation,
"Happy day; Happy dayw
Musquash is one of the pleasantest places in |
the world, and think it must import its |
mosquitoes. am now quite content with |
the st. John variety. Hatokeye. |
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