The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1879-12-23
CURRENT HUMOR.

CURRENT HUMOR.
She gives mo pane. the sashy maid.
Her actions are pr blind.
And vet the point ne'fr can reach
To shutter from my mind.
And should this dear fine looking glass
he window by another
ID putty knife Into my heart
And thus my trouble smother
Japanese ladies' wear hats only when IL
rains. 1t never rains ut the theatre. Happy
Japan.
Why not erect Cleopatras Needle as o
monument to tho inventor of the sewing MAJ
ehine2 Howe would that dor
Young Writer You have chosen an excel
lent non. de plume for your first effuson, "Ets-
ripides. FOR y0n rip idees all to pieces Gin
einnati Saturday night.
Ii has been demonstrated In Paris that
whom man pounds bis thumb with Q hHy
mer he is twice as mad as when he strikes
elbow on the door-fram
Conversation Of tho young minister with
tho young ladies' OF his parish: Eyes, ah,
yes. certainly, oh. fine yes. delightful. ah.
yes. yes, ah, yes-ss-sP
Ole Bulls fiddle Ia 3lG years oId-IEx. It
must have been q little. young thing when
O u. began to make farewell tours with it,
lCincinnati Saturday night
Glow nicely this corn pops" said q young
man who was sitting with bis sweetheart be-
fore the fire. Yes she responded, demure-
~, Its got over being green
"The holidays are eomingi' say good folks
one and oil. Tho holer days T. chimes In
tho small boy. "The hollow days. sioth the
bachelor BOSTON Transcript.
little girl tho other day referred to the
moustache Of young man as bang on
his lip. III che doesn look out, one OF these
fine days she'll got o bang right under the
nose.
"Is the Indian q citizen asks the New York
Timea. This question must not be answered
toe hastily. Let us consider whether we can
rob him most efreetually rs a citizen. an
alien or a ward Elmira Free Press,
At last the Philadelphia Ledger goes Into
humor. 1t edtorially says: I'VE have no
king In this country, but We are getting under
tho domination OF n most formidable count
the count that decides elections without re-
gard TO tho votes"
Emerson says n man ought to carry a
pencil and note down the thoughts Of the
moment. Yes, and one short pencil, devoted
exclusively to that use, would last some mem
we know about 1000 years, and then have the
original point on
The doctors say that seaskin Is unhealthy.
Bless them Now II they can be induced to
say the same Of six-button kids, point lace
and n few such tTlles, coming generations OF
married men will rise up and call them
blessed Boston Transcript.
Maria. observed Mr.. HoIcomb. as he was
putting on his clothes, there ain't no patch
on them breeehes yet i cant tx 1t nows
no way. I'm too busy" "Wsl give me the
patch then an I'll carry 1t around with me.
don't want people to think cant afford
the cloth"
Oliver Wendell Holmes was breakfasted by
the proprietors OF tho Atlantic Monthtu.
Tkss Is done when o contributor arrives ut
tho age OF seventy Young men Of twenty
who arc contributing to the Atlantic have
n long time to wait for breakfast. New York
Express.
Spriggins visits his friend Pennyshayer
and finds him perched at the top OF u ladder
while a small lire Is burning Ia the stove.
"W hat the devil are you dong up there?"
says Spriggins. well, You know that heat
ascends." answers pennyshaver, "and so
save O good deal OF wood"
Two men in Springfield had a stabbing az
fray over q difference OF opinion about the
length of a stick. Probably that's as good
subject as any to fight over, but II theyi<a
knitted each other about n question of religion,
fewer people would have said they were f0olSs
and they'd have had the fun just the same.
| A gentleman In this city has just got out
patent to keep tiles from troubling bald
headed men. His plan Is to transfer decai-
comania, picture OF spider In web, to the
bald head. 1t looks 80 natural that fly will
go right away from 1t and aIIght on some
bodys nose. County rights for sale at this
office M llwaukee Sun.
/ A school OF poor children having read In the
| Bible the denunciations against hypocrttes
who strain at a gnat and swallow camel,
were afterwards examined by benevolent
patroness as to their recOlections Of the chap
| ter. what In particular, WAS the SIN OF the
| Pharisees, Children said the lady. "Afting
canels, my LADY, WAS the prompt reply.
| One way to blast your enemys reputation
is to have q serpent drawn on the inside OF
tho big lens OF a telescope and then envelgi6
your victim down TO the bench, and after
taking good look seaword through the glass
ask him to look through 1t and see II he
| doesn't perceive the monster far out to sea-
He'll go TO town and tell about the creature,
and get called q liar sure.
father never thinks his ten year-oId son
Ia stronger than q horse until he employs
him to turn tho grindstone To sharpen en- axe
that Is about as sharp at one end as at the
other. The old man bears down until the
lads eyes hang out and his trousers buckle
flies off, and just before he bursts blood
vessel, his father encourages him with the
remark, Does 1t turn hard2" Il Norris
town Herald.
There ls a young lady at one Of our hotels
who on one morning comes down to break
fast with copy OF n certain magazine In
her hand On another morning she has q
different magazine, and on the third morn
Ing still another magazine. She ts invaria-
bly, governed In her choice OF literature by
the periodical the color OF whose cover har-
i monies best with her costume Louisville
Courier Journal.
lue stupdtbt ihah III bhe otate 10 d taIn4
hand near Lebanon. He was hired to ploW a
ten acre field, and his boss, wishing him to
draw straight furrow, directed his atten-
ton to q COW grazing right opposite, telling
him to drive directly toward that COW. He
started his horses and the farmers atten-
. ton was drawn to something else. La a
short time he looked around TO see what the
hired man was doing The cow had left her
place and was walking around In the field,
and the hired man was following her, draw
ing zlg-zag furrow all over the field Ban
gor Commercial
young couple with their first-b born child
! take npper-story rooms looking out on the
|. street BE very careful about the windows"
says the janitor, who has been showing them
. over the apartments, "Be very careful about
the windows, the balconies are dow and the
baby might fall and" $50 You can just bet
I'll be careful about the windows" says the
!. young mother, folding the precious child to
her heart, "for If mothers little daa 1g was