The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1879-08-22
Grandfather Lickshingle and Patrick
Henry.

"One of the golden links that bind
the present to the past" remarked
Grandfather Lickshingle, is the mem.
ory of my celebrated Cornucopia and
Bunion Eradicator. One day received
telegram from Patrick Henry to come
immejitly to Virginia, or somewhere in
that vicinity, and see him. l found
Henry a-sittin' in an armchair on the
back porch writin' speech. Mr.. Hem
~ was great on Fourth of July orations,
an that sort of thing; but this was .
speech to be delivered before the Vir.
ginia Convention. It was the great
est effort of his life. He had
his left hoof wrapped in red flannel and
restin' on stool. felt his pulse, look
ed at his tongue, an axed him If he had
been dissipa!in' any lately. After lookin'
him all over for spavins, ringbones, an
so on, said: Patrick, l think you are
sufferin' with corns.' He said l had hit
his disease exactly. went to work to
remove the troublesome excrescence,
while the orator an statesman kept on
3 writin' and tellin' hisself out loud
what to write, as some folks do, you
know. remember the circumstance as
# it was yesterday. While I was whit
tim at his corn and applyin' my cele-
brated Cornucopia, Pat was a-talkin'
to hisself and writin' away like horse
kickin'.
"sOur chains are forged he went on
to say, their clankin' may bs heard on
the plains of Boston. Be careful, doc
tor, he observed confidentially, speaking
to your grandfather, AN don't mangle
me any more than you can't avoid, an
you'll obljge me- Then he went on
with his rat KILN as follows: The war
is inevitable, but let 'er come! Irepeat
it, let 'er comet In his excitement he
jerked his foot little an l
took slice outen the side
of his toe. He protested agin
bein' butchered in cold blood, as he call
ed it, but I told him If q man was so
ALFRED anxious to have grim-visaged
war come down onto him, like q wolf
ON the fold, he oughtn't to kick at lit
tie blood lettin'. He said that was .
fac, an we continued with our respect
i've duties. While he was talkin' about
the mex gale that sweeps from the
North, bringing to our ears the clash OF
resoundin' arms, an so forth, yank-
ed out the excrescence with roots n
hangin' to it like the claws to . pair of
ice-hooks.
cam children, besides my world
renowned Cornucopia and Bunion Erad-
icator, I had q Magic IDvigorator for
producin' q new growth of hair on bald
headed hair trunks; an -peakin' Of that
reminds me that I used to know . man
in Kentucky who was so internal tall
that only at his death, which occurred at
the advanced age of one hundred and
twenty-five, did any body know that he
was bald. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
An economical lady says that when
she buys cotton stockings, she selects a
good article, and before wearing them
at all, she lines the feet with new thin
muslin, that is, the parts that wear most
quickly-the heels and toes. She says
they wear twice as long as they do with.
out. The Innings must be nicely fitted
and run ON smoothly. or they will NOT
answer the end desired; but little prac-
lice enables one to do it quite easily.
Late fichus are as large a. small
breakfast shawls. They are made Of
white, rose-colored, straw-colored, and
u