Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1879-04-18
CYNICAL sKErcmGs-No. 1.


Call his name Jenkins. He Wa .
tramp from Aurora. He came TO the
Comstoek. packing his blankets and was
lousy. This Was . good many years ago.
when the Comstock was young. Not
being good for anything that be knew
Of. hs concluded 70 run . newspaper. or
have . newspaper run him. The news
papers have run him yer since. The nrst
thing hs did was to take . bath; then he
took position - . reporter. for he had
plenty Of cheek and was . natural joker.
He reported swili-cart sccidsnts. the
courts. mining items. the Legislature,
dog fights. current scandal. and, in fact.
anything be could see or hear. besides
many things he sve did see o hear.
An inventive, appropriativs and eompils-
tive genius vas this fellow jenkins.
When he could invent no fresh joke OF
his own hs appropriated and compiled
the jokes Of Others. and as . psrpstraior
Of eKAspsratins jokes on the public he
was . notable success. He could never
sec or appreciate . joke on himself.
however. and drank beer Whenever any
body would pay for 1t. there being moth
ing mean about him.
jenkins ought to have got rich at the
business. but he didn't. Newspaper
men seldom do. His money vent whore
the woodbins tvineth not, yet he never
Joined the church nor rsPsnted OF his
manifold sins. He was too lazy for q
good local reporter, 90 he went to San
Francisco. and after . while succeeded
in cumming his passage 10 the Sand
wioh Islands. The kanskAs did not
fall down and worship him. They did
not sven love him enough to eat him.
They never eat rsd.hsadsd men. 70 he
got even BY writing ridiculous letters
about them and their relatives to his
home papers. and wisely got out Of the
country before they should have chance
to read what he wrote about them.
When be returned to America, Jsa'
kins turned lecturer. and the way the
''spondulicks." - he vulsarly termed
money. rolled into his pockets. was .
matter Of astonishmsnt even to himself.
His lecture was about the Kanakas and
their wives and their domestic habits
and customs and Kanakadom in general.
II was not altogether truth nor poetry.
but very amusing. for Jenkins was .
man OF lively Imagination. Before any
vsnssful Kanaka smissary could BE- sent
over to club him to death. Jenkins left
San Francisco for the East.
His humorous disposition o o i'm.
PEELED him to join Q solemn conelavs Of
strsight-hairsd gospel ministers In an
expedition to the Holy Land. They did
not take kindly to his style nor he to
theirs. so he took notss on them and
enjoyed agrimly p~lsasurabls satisfaction
In never DESERVING their l~ugubrious CON-
psny. They hated him all the way; on
the ship. on the Mount Of Olives. and
all the way back to New York. They
would have pronounced him aJonah and
thrown him overheard for . whale to
swallow. but none OF them could tell =
whale from . goldfish. Neither did they
know - much about the Bibls-dsscribed
Holy Land a. they did before they went.
jenkins did. however. &C he wrote .
jolly book about his religious trip. and
IL sold well.
Having achieved plenty Of literary
rsnown. yet not suficisnt wealth.
Jenkins nov came to the conclusion 10
marry a rich mans daughter and settle
down. He did 30 forthwith. and this
was the elimination. but not the total
termination Of his literary career. Since
then his life has been fslicitiously bland.
and jenkins has aid along q smoothly
a. though his ways were creased with
camphor Ice.
The moral TO the foregoing 10:
Cheek. Courage and Calculation; have
plenty OF either and soms kind Of suc-
cess 10 sure TO follow.