The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-02-14
WIT AND HUM0R.

A LONE association-An old maids
club.
SPINNER and his autograph say they
will never leave Florida.
COOP scenter-piece for the dinner
table-A bowl of flowers.
A LUMBER dealer failed last week.
could not pay his board bills.
WHICH is the best of the four seasons
for arithmetic? The summer.
A PAIR of ears that go on head Of
civilization-P Pioneers and frontiers
The scarcity of stovepipc jokes this
season suggests that the "times are out OF
joint"
PEOPLE that are invariably known by
the company they keep-Theatrical
managers.
WHEN young lady wants to appear
in blaze of glory she INDUCES in lit
tie torchon lace.
THERE'S one melancholy fact about a
calendar; there's no time when its days
are not numbered.
If You can't keep your resolutions,
don't break 'em, but give em to some
poor fellow who hasn't any.
SHE sang soprano sweetly--
Her voice was like Tyre;
But on Sunday she ate onions,
And thus busted up the choir.
TURKEY is much behind the age. Its
Pashas are set of moss backs in fact,
the country 9 decayed and mosque
covered.
WHEN it is said of one who "pays al
he goes that he is "a man of no ac-
count" there is just the slightest slis-
picion of paradox.
HAVE You ever observed how mad il
makes man with sore throat because
he can't swallow about $50 times every
four or five minutes? .iI
WE saw Il young man with two heads
on his shoulders the other day, but
didn't consider it much of curiosity
one belonged to his girl.
II AM inclined to believe" said fop
to lady who had refused to sing, @you
are fishing for compliments" ooh, no."
replied she, Il never fish i'll SO shallow
stream"
DISTINGUISHED divine to recent con-
vert: ave propose to baptize you by
the Turkish-bath method. 1t is really
the only means to scrub your years of
sin out of YOU"
A NOTICE in Western newspaper of
steamboat explosion ends as follows:
"The Captain swan ashore. So did the
chambermaid she was insured for 3d.
600 and loaded with iron"
A SCoTcH lady had invited gentle
man to dinner on particular day, and
he had accepted, with the reservation,
If Tn spared" "Weel, weel,' said the
lady, IF ye're dead I'll not expect ye.'
WE cannot indorse the Communistio
faction who want to destroy all labor
saving machinery until we know their
views about artificial teeth. We must
draw the line Observation-Disclosures
AdUOcdte.
"SEE here" said an eccentric old man
to an Office boy who had brought doc
tors bill to him. "See here; tell your
master that I'll pay him for the items
of medicine charged in this bill, but, az
for the visits, why-Iu return tbeml'
HE sitting by the ire.
With Marier;
And toward her every moment he
Drew higher.
Till her chair did nterpose,
When he kissed her on the nose
They'll be married when this sloppy
Weathers dryer.
--soio York Express.
A CLERGYMAN speaking at funeral
bewailed the loss of many great men,
such for instance, as the deceased in the
coffin before him, and said that mono
like them were left 10 us. A strong
voiced old Methodist sister startled
both speaker and audience by exclaim-
ing, Bless God, that's ie!"
BOYS" said the man holding an
inverted match in one hand, and dark
cigar in the other, @never acquire the
pernicious habit of smoking / am
slave to it now, yet 1 hate it. I never
see cigar that do not want to burn
it up" And then, with extreme salts
faction, he burned up the one he had in
his hand.
A MAN saw ghost while walking
along lonely highway Mt midnight.
The ghost stood exactly in the middle
to investigate, poked at ii with his UNI
Dreilh. Ine neXU lflBtuut nc WIS knOckeU
twenty feet into a mud-hele. Moral:
Never poke at a large white mule when
it's back is turned. "e.e
LIZ there is any one thing more than
another that convinces man Of the
progress of education in our common
schools, and the sound practical instruc-
ton communicated to the rising gcner-
alton, it is to have his daughter, bring
him problem omething like this! If
8 oxen consuu 12t times the amount
of food in 5 days required by 10 of the
square root of Is sheep at q cost of
29.78 cents, how many oxen will be re-
quired to consume the same amount re-
quired by of the cube root of an equal
number of sheep in AZ days time at
cost IF 416 of that amount; and tri-
umphantly point to the answer at tho
foot of whole slateful Of figures 40
being 32.lS7, 1863 oxen.-Bostoss Conf
mercidi Bulletin.
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