Litchfield enquirer., 1879-06-12

s The mother -in<law, and the festive goat,
 The mules hind leg, and an ulster coat,
 A stand up collar, and setting hen, Are the joking stock of the paragraph men,
 In the vegetable race who ever saw the to- mato Ketchup. ,1-
 An anonymous article-A baby before it's christened. z F E H1 F@% &
 Gls may be necessary to makea balloon ri. c but it has the opposite effect on prayer. l
 If you desire to make her your friend for life, pretend to mistake her for her daughter.
 The cry of the chirpodist, according to the Lowell Courier: '1 came, | saw, l corncur- ed"
 An amateur singer frightened pair of cara " birds to death. It was case of killing two birds with@one's tone. -
 A member of certain base ball club is so q light at base hits that he is known as ''the Sganze wrapper"
 He couldn't raise the mortgage on his build ing lot, and so, poor man, without becoming blind, he lost his site.
 The neatest thing in titles we have seen late- ly is Mir. Bensons ''Fifteen Years in Hell an autOUl0SrapHy.
 Garibaldi, who was dying in a red shirt to slow music a few weeks ago. has decided to re- side permanently in Rome.
 First impressions are lasting, as the school master said when he introduced himself to the new school by fogging all hands.
 The agriculturalst is now in the midst of his annual struggle with the bug and worm for nf hra inu crops.
 Said, Miss Dotonart at the Art Museum, 'Yes, am so delighted, Chawles: and what a beautiful burst is that opposite!" Money couldn't force her into saying ''bust" 7
 sWhat newspaper does an editor remind you of ?" asked subscriber in the country. He reminds us of the Christian at Work but this is not the answer furnished with the conun- drum.
 A Kentucky man has Bible two hundred and fifty years cid, and he thinks it will last him two hundred and fifty years longer. But what he saves on bibles don't keep him in pis- tols.
 Alexander H. Stephens hda only $6 per month to live on when he was studying law. He then laid the foundation for one of the most economical physical structures ever seen by the side of David Davis.
 A negro preacher described hell as ice cold where the wicked froze to all eternity. Asked why, he said: t''Cause don't dare tell dem people muffin else. Why, if I say hell is warm some of dem old rheumatic niggers be wantin' start down der de very fus' fros."
 A man went home the other evening and found his house locked up. Getting in at the window with considerable difficulty, he found on the table note from his wife: ''I have gone out; you will find the door-key on one side of the doorstep
 Be careful and address your letters Gin a big round hand" plainly and legibly. Never mind the fourishes. If you have some you feel as though you must work off put them on the back of the letter out of the way.
 Ratiocination: Country Doctor-Did you take that bottle of medicine to old Mrs. Gam bidge's?-because it was very import----" "a Surgery BOy-"Oh, yessir. And Pm pretty sure she took it, '" Country Doctor (after apause) )-"What do you mean by that, sir ?" ~ the 'ouse as passed this mornin', sir! ]"
 An old picture hangs on the walls of the baggage room at the Bridgeport depot and has for the last eigh, years. Nobody knows who it belongs to as it is simply piece of unclaim-
 
 is that the owner saw the picture and went off some where in the woods and has been wan- dering around ever since.
 The maddest man this side of ahornets nest was in Louisville yesterday. He is a gentle man, scholar and a scientist. For the last three months he has been devoting himself to the. preparation of an exhaustive essay on "Antidotes for Rabies" and yesterday an an- neuncement appeared in paper that he had nearly ready his "Antidotes for Babies"
 A man was at confession one day, and while he was confessing he spied in the pocket of the monks habit silver snuff f-box and stole it. Father" he said immediately, II accuse myself of having stolen a silver snuff-box "Then my son, you must certainly restore it." "Will you have it yourself, my father?" q? Certainly not, my son !" The fact is," pro- ceeded the penitent, ''that have offered it to the owner and he has refused it." "Then you can keep it with good conscience" answered the father
 Once upon time Jake Mason went to do- nation party where six farmers were te con- tribute jug of milk apiece Well, one nfan "a very mean man this mean man was Jake Mason-thought it would not make any differ ence if he contributed water in place of milk so he filled his jug with water, and took it to the donation When he got there he turned it over the bung, and it ran into barrel where all the other farmers had turned their milk Now, what do you think was the result? Why every one of of the six farmers happened to be as mean as Jake Mason. They had all brought water.
 George William Curtis was delegate to state convention at Syracuse, and while at the hotel he overheard a conversation about the different conspicuous delegates. Finally, to his consternation, they edged around to his name. There's Curtis,' said one. ''Yes, there's Curtis" said the other emphatically. "Curtis is a good deal of a man," said the first "Yes," responded the second ''hes rather intelligent" "He is," said the first, ''he is quite intelligent" ''He is quite intelligent" /" said the second, ''very-uncommon intelligent for literary man."
 AA MISCELLANEOUS.