Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-11-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
THE venerable wife of celebrated
physician one day casting her eyes ort
of the window observed her husband
In the funeral procession of one OF his
patients, at which she exclaimed, "T
do wish my husband would keep away
from such professions. 1t appears so
much like tailor carrying home his
own work."
GRACE Greenwood relates as an in
stance of the extravaganza of New
England humor, that when young
farmers wife made her first boys
pants precisely as simple before as be-
hind, the farmer exclaimed: Good
ness, he won't know whether he is go
ing TO school or coming home!'
Don't KNOW HALF THEIR VALUE"
"l hey cured me OF Ague, Biliousness
and Kidney Complaints as recommended.
had "a half bottle left which used for
my two little girls, who the doctors and
neighbors said could not be cured. |
would have lost both of them one night
If had not given them Hop Bitters.
They did them so much good | con-
tinued their use until they were cured.
That Is why | say you do not know
half the value of Hop Bitters, and do
not recommend them high enough. -
B., Rochester, n. y. See other column.
YOUNG woman from the rural dis
trlctS entered a dry goods store the
other day and asked for pair of stock
ings. The clerk politely asked her
what number she wore. "Why, two,
you fool. DO you think / am cent?
pede, or that | have wooden legP"
AN unsuccessful vocalist went to the
poor-house and delighted the inmates
with his singing. He said il was nat
ural thing for him to do, as he had
been singing to poor-houses ever since
he began his career.
1t is said that a minister in a country
kirk in Scotland stopped in the course
of his sermon TO ask member who was
deaf, "Are We hearin, Johnr" ooh,
ave." was the response, 81 am hearing,
but to vera little purpose"
The man who fell off the fence into
the brambles was much nettled by the
occurrence, ''We hope thistle be appre-
clated," says q punster. Weed have
said the same thing.
A NEW song is called "Oh Stay With
Me, My Darling, Stay" But the young
man looked at the clock and said he
must get home in time for break akiast,
and he had over half mile to drive.
"BUY a trunk, Pat" said dealer.
And what for should buy trunk?"
rejoined Pat. "To put yonr clothes
in," was the reply. "And go naked ~
exclaimed Pat; mot bit iv it 70
"PA, what Is meant by paradise 70
paradise, my son." replied the father,
gloOmily-"Paradise, my son, Is the
latter part of next summer, when your
mother goes on visit to your grand
mother"
GLOW much are those fearful bulbs
by the quartz" asked a maiden Of a
tradesmau the other morning. He
stared at her moment as If bewildered,
but soon recovered himself, and bluffly
said, "Oh, them inyuns? Tenpence.
A NORWICH man calls himself on
his card Temperance Bootmaker." :"
The need of the temperance boots is
apparent; for, though they're not gen.
orally drunk. it's a notorious fact that
they're often tight.
Ii takes but one trial to show the
purity and merit of Dobbins' Electric
Soap, (made by Crsgin & Co., Philadel
phia). For your own interest give it
that one trial. All grocers keep 1t.
LADY-"And putjust tint of car
mine on the cheeks, but not too much,
you know" Photographer-"Exact-
ly, madame; | perfectly understand;
about as much as you have on now"
"PRIsoNER, were you not afraid to
take that money from your employers
till-you, mere child in years P'
ooh, yes, sir; L was afraid I'd be
cotched."
old, elf | was little girl like you I'd
piSh u ~ olL IIOsO SHApos VSIAS uud-
ma" said the little one, "Ain't you
glad you are not little girl?"
SUNDAY school teacher: "You must
remember that all l am telling you hap
pened 1879 years ago." Pupil: "Lor,
Miss, how the time do slip away"
THE annual amount of pin-money
required by married women depends
on whether she uses diamond-pins or
rolling-pins.
A NEIGHBoR informs us that his wife
never knew quiet night until the doc
tor prescribed DR.. Bulbs Baby Syrup
for her little one.
WHEN a mans chin whiskers turn
gray before the hair on his head does,
it shows which part Of him has done
the most work.