Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1879-10-09
Aumurbns department.
YES, HE COULD.

YES, HE COULD.
"New bonnet, new bonnet-twelVe dollars
for new bonnet" exclaimed Mr.. Slick, the
other evening, as his wife suggested change
from the winter styles.
eyes, only twelve dollars" she humbly re-
piled.
"Twelve dollars for bonnet is confound.
ed outrage, and I know it !" he went on.
"Why, can buy two fine silk hats for that
money, and have strawberry change left. It's
dead swindle to ask three dollars tor a
bonnet"
"Well, I can't do any better, Mr.. Slick.
That's the price, and must pay or 60 with
out"
"You don't know how to buy-that's what
ails you," he growled. "I'll bet money can
buy twelve dollar bonnet for eight dollars.
It's all in knowing how to handle the sales
men,"
81 wish you'd try it," she suggested.
~ will-by George! will! I'll bring
you up new bonnet in the morning, and III
get it four dollars cheaper than you dare toE
Mr.. Slick was as good as his word. de
went into millinery store next forenoon with
his eye-teeth all sharpened, and with the idea
in his mind that every bonnet in the store
was priced at exactly twelve dollars. He
looked around little, selected bonnet that
pleased him, and pointing his cane at it, and
calling up his deepest voice, he inquired:
"Are you asking twelve dollars for that
bonnet?"
The woman flushed, looked from the bon
net to the man, and was trying to reply, when
he said:
"These are not the times for outrageous
prices, and all buyers realize it. I'll give you
eight dollars for that bonnet, and not a cent
more"
"That-that bonnet" ~
"Eight dollars, and no more!" he inter
rupted and she put the article in box, and
took his money.
"What'd 1 tell my wife, eh ?" he whisper
ed, as he went out II tell you it takes
man to buy goods, no matter whether it's
fence posts or paper cambria !"
When he sat down at home and took the
cover off the box and held up the bonnet,
Mrs. Slick inquired:
"How much did she charge you p
"EIGHT dollars, madam; while you would
have paid twelve!'
"Richard !" she said, as she tried to laugh
all over at once, "I YVES with the lady next
door when she ordered that bonnet for her
cook, and the price was to be four dollars
You see, it"
He held up his finger, counted three fves
out of his wallet, and left them on chair for
her.
KEEPING BoARDERs.- -"Another board.
,kol 7 o1o haH
BILE Detroit landlady, as she laid down her
paper. /"Well, it must have been extrava-
gance on the table. That's what bankrupts
seven out of ten, and even then the boarGers
are crying 'hashp and complaining Of poor
meals. Now 1 run boarding house for
twenty-five years, and I made money and
heard no complaints. How did do it? Why,
it's all in planning. For instance, a neck
piece of mutton can be cut to look like a
rib roast, and little extra fire makes it just
as tender Lawd save you! I've been COM
plimented thousand times on my selection
of choice spring lamb when the meat was
mutton four years old, and the toughest parts
at that! The idea of spring chicken on
boarding. house table is absurd-aye! almost
wicked. In my palmy days I could take
tough old hen, pound the body with the po-
tato.masher for ten minutes, and set before
my boarders feast to make every heart glad
Now I'll venture that there aren't ten land.
ladies in the city that can bake pigs head
and slice off the meat in a manner to make
everybody believe that he has the choicest cut
in pigs body, and it's wonder to me that
there aren't more failures. Lots of landladies
buy nice, fresh butter, and thus tempt man
to eat FIVE or six biscuits, or half loaf of
bread. What economy! always had my
nice butter on the table at breakfast, when we
had but little toast, and the boarders got
along on old butter the other two meals. 1t
is all in the planning. I used to have beef:
steak every morning Three mornings in the
week I bought sirIoin, which is very nice,
you know, and the other four mornings l
bought neck pieces and rubbed the caseknives
over the grindstone Give boarder a sharp
knife and tough steak, and he'll never make
a mplaint-never. He'll put the blame on
his teeth, and the more steak he leaves on
his plate the more ra bbit pie you have for
dinner" r."-Detroa Free Press.
A CoRKsCREw WANTED.-There is al
ways some one on the train to make people
feel happy. For instance, there was gen.
tleman who had bottle of homemade wine,
and he couldn't get the cork out. We have
never seen man in distress but there were
noble souls that would sacrifice themselves to
assist him. One man offered his knife, and
after the blade had been broken and left in
the cork, he subsided. The conductor was
appealed to, but he only asked what they
took him for, and looked offended It was
noticed that there was bad crowd in the
rear car, and so boy, who desired to be
messenger, was given little practice: He
was told to 60 into the back car and find
Senator Hide, and borrow his cork-screw.
Senator Hide is a Methodist deacon, and he
was seated by the side of good Baptist lady,
and they were talking of a prospective revi-
val in the good work to which they had both
enlisted for life. When very much interested
in each others remarks, the boy pulled the
elbow of Senator Hide and said: "A gentle
man in the other car wants to borrow your
cork.screw" If an earthquake had quaked
right there, if Republican majority had
exploded, if the adjoining fields through
which the train was running, had opened and
swallowed up every man on the train that had
pass, Elder Hide could not have appeared
more thunderstruck. The smile that is ster-
eotyped on his face, and which so nearly re-
sembles that of Colfax, broke out in new
spot, and looked as though it was sick, and
though he attempted to explain to the truly
good lady that it was joke, she looked panied,