Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1879-05-21
Amateur Printing Offices.
BY D. W. CURTIS.

youths, tempted by advertisements Of
printing offices for the use Of amateurs,
have induced their papas to- invest in
one that they might acquire useful
trade and a plentiful supply Of pocket
money in a short time.
Visions Of unlimited supplies Of cir
cus-tIckets, cigarettes aud popcorn
dances before the eyes Of these deluded
youths; they would be the enyied of all
their companions, to them would be I'M
parted the mysteries of those tiny bits
of metal whose various transpositi0ns
during the past three centuries haye
reyolurionized the world.
The youth thus suddenly and imperfect
ly launched Into business proceeds. with
a zeal worthy Of the art for a few
months. All bis friends IN business
are coaxed into giving him an order, the
jobs being done for about the cost OF
the paper used, the amateur having
the advantage over the rivals in trade,
of being set up in business. having no
rent to pay, no family or even himself
to support, as well as having the run
of the parental exchequer for supplies.
In time, however, such establishments
die out by mutual consent, the Young
ster get tired Of his toy, and his father
becomes wearied Of the many drains up
on his purse. The Office is then sold to
another boy and the business farce is re-
peated. Thus they continued TO -four
ish to the injury Of Legitimate trade.
The following is the experience OF an
afflicted family in the early stages o.
THE PRINTING FEVER.
There resides in this city respectaS
BILE family, the head Of which becoming
enamored of the art preservatlve of all
arts was seduced by an advertisement
entitled Every man his own printer, In
to purchasing an amateur arrangement
for sticking type. The fever growing
stronger every day, the would be typo
invested larger IN specimen books and
other works of like natsre, which he
read for the edifcatOn OF his wife and
children while the family Bible lay neg
lected on the shelf. Every card and
hand>bill thrown into the house was
critically examined and put away as
specimen until tue premises resem-
bed a waste paper warehouse. The
d sease soon spread throughout the
household, all becoming vorshipers at
the shrine of Guttenburg. and every
thing savoring Of the printing eaice.
When unwell, they were out OF sorts,
when convaleseent, they were set up
the dishes were distributed after being
washed, and the youngest girl hearing
so much about pie and getting none
went crying every night Indignantly to
bed. Pearls, agates and diamonds
were familiar words in this family of
moderate means: they were peaceably
disposed. yet shooting sticks were Of
ten talked of, they were moral.yet hell
and the devil stared them ever IN the
face. The head OF the family expressed
himself forcibly in Italics or caps
whenever Job was put up on him,
and the children showed their delight
in exclamation points His eldest son,
renamed Benjamin Franklin, for
whose benefit the Office was establish
ed, reveled in lye-eaten shirts and an
inky face six days Of the week. Type
formed the basis of conversation, and
was found scattered in all imaginable
places throughout the house, between
the sheets and in the sugar-bowl. The
baby showing symptoms OF lead pols-
oning, it was discovered that it too de-
sired to be printer and was serving an
apprenticeship by sucking some leads
under the impression that they we're
some new variety Of candy. Visiting
cards and labels were printed for all the
neighbors and country cousins; small
accounts made at surrounding stores
are now being settled with bill-heads
and dodgers at low prices to the disgust
of the regular establishments near BY
and the whole system Is unanimous
ly voted an intolerable nuisance.
What the finale will be it is not hard to
guess.
Prison OR DEATH.-'H0w are you