The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-09
ALL SORTS.

Who laughed ana screamed WITHOUT q ChEes
And would not hold his tongue.
The scene it changed; with sob and shrek
The vault OF heaven rung,
And homeward few the bee 80 meek,
While the small boy held his stung. -
Narration Independent.
They we're talking about the weight of
different individuals in q certain family,
and the daughters young man, who was
present, spoke up before he thought, and
said: Il tell you that Jennie amt SO very
light either, although she looks go" And
then he looked suddenly conscious, and
blushed, and Jennie became absorbed in
studying a chrome on the wall.-SyrdcaseI
Herald.
CHANGING across the street late yesterday
afternoon pair of protruding feet from a
law office suggested to US that
Boot of great men all remind rs,
We can make our soes sublimes;
Aud departing leave behind us
-E2mtra TELEGRAM.
The summer tourists have left the coun-
try towns, and the farmer can now safely
dig up the stump of that willow tree 10 his
front yard that Washington once cut a
cane from, and which has yielded such a
large revenue the past season, and set out
another to getin trim for next year. Only
by careful forethought and economy can
the agriculturist make living. - Boston
Post.
An editor in Tennessee denies the right
OF the authorities to compel people to
clean up" 1t is the same old story. If
by any means law could be enforced to
wash with soap and water every Republi-
can voter in the United States it would
burst the party wide open, Those that it
did not convert it would demoralize or kill
OF course there are honorable exceptions,
good fellows, men who wash every year,
The Nation.
| Dogs are not allowed in the passenger
cars, sir, - said mlldlooking conductor to
the man who was accompanied by huge
bulldog. "All right, put him off" said
the man; and he leaned back and laughed
heartily at his joke. But he didn't laugh
so much when he saw that conductor grab
that dog by the throat with both hands
aud carry the heIplessly struggling animal
toward the door; and he finally concluded
to pay five dollars to the conductor to take
the dog to the baggage-car instead Of
throwing it under the wheels,
| A Providence man relates that when he
was little boy he was one day standing
10 Market square with his grandfather
when four lrishmen came up, one of whom
asked the distance to Pawtucket. He wa
told by the old gentleman that it was abou
four miles. "Well faith" said Pat, 10
mock tone of encouragement to his three
tired companions, that's not bad at all =
only a mile apiece for us" Whom d.
you want to see in Pawtucket?" inquired
, he. Be iabers." was the quick reply; :"
want to see myself there the most of any
body"
A well-known joker, being one night at
theatre, taucied he saw u friend som
three seats in front of him. Turning t
3 his next neighbor, he seid: Would you b
kind enough to touch that gentleman wit
your stick?" Certainly" was the re
ply, and the thing was done. But when tn
individual thus assaulted turned round
2 the wag saw he was not the man he too
him for, and became at once absorbed i
the play, leaving his neighbor with tn
stick to settle matters with the gentleme
s in front, which, as he had no excuse ready
B was not done without considerable trouble
, When the hubbub was over the victim
said, " Didn't you ask me, sir to tap tha
/
S you want p Oh said the Joker, wit
imperturbable gravity " wanted to sc
: whether you would"
II 1t is unfortunate that many persons ar
unable to distinguish between worshipin
> the minister and worshiping the Almighty
Rome Sentinel, 1t is also somewhs
g that way that many ministers are unable t
D distinguish between preaching to thei
! audiences and preaching to the Almighty
:, I-SteubenUllJe Herald.
II Extract from Gen. Ewings speech at Lancaster,
o July 24th.l
l. The result of the struggle so far is tn
total repeal Of the odious system of pacI
ling jaries, the prohibition of the paymer
OF money to send or maintain troops 8
q the polls, aud the Withholding of appropr
II atoms for fees of marshals until cOngres
n can see what the fees are to be paid fo
:: We have appealed from the President
the people. You have to decide the col
Is troversy. 1t you want to pay hundreds
70 thousands of dollars each congressioD
j. election to have bayonets around the pol
6 and marshals and spies to inspect an
control State election officers, vote the r.
N publican ticket, for the democracy wi
lg never spend a dollar for that service.
lie Burdette, writing from Canada to II
st Burlington Ha1o1eye, says: One mornir
L walked out by myself. All along tt
marsh roads the farmers were busy in II
! meadows moving and turning their ha
h A couple Of regularly ordained tramp
70 idle and aimless as myself, aud much be
~ ter acquainted with the road, passed m
. and !! tagged along 10 their longing wax
~ Presently the voice of farmer came owe
" the sweet scented meadows:
"Hallo!"
The tramps halted. Halo YOURSELF
le shouted one of them.
IN DO you want to hire?" yelled the ia
40 mer.
- Judge of my establishment when bo,
80 tramps chorused back:
b. "Yes!'
Well, | thought, they aren't America
ID tramps anyhow, or they wouldn't disgrat
the profession 10 this way. But stoc
still to listen and watch, for it was a
CT unusual sight-two tramps going to worl
re Then come over hereW yelled the ia
as mer, and the two fellows sprang over ii
70 fence and trudged across the meadow wit
the brisk air of men who really wsntt
s. work and meant business. The farm,
ne stood still. leaning on his pitchfork, gazir
intently at my motionless figure Pre-
emily his voice broke the silence on,
more:
Don't that other fellow want to hir
too2" he yelled,
The two tramps turned and glanced
,n me for my reply. | shook my head sadI
10 but firmly, and moved on. without waitir
IL