Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-08-15

The New Haven register asserts that
brindle COWS never give striped milk.
1t Is a great mistake TO suppose that
virtue Is always its own reward. Two
friends once did their best to help fami
lv who were burned ont Of house and
home. They were n smallpox family.
That Is to say the head Of the house was
the doctor in charge of a smallpox hospi-
tai. and the house was situated III the cen
tire thereof One of these friends Imblb-
ed SO much spiritus frumenu in order to
keep out infection that the other, who
had not tasted drop, had to help HIM
home In sixteen days the sober one
caught the smallpox and the other didn't
We happened to lie the virtuous person
referred to. so we know all about IT.
Moral-Never shake blue ribbon in the
face of an infectious disease,-N }.
ComBJercjoL
A party Of Baptist clergymen were
bluefishing off Martha's Vineyard the
other day. question arose as to wheth-
er a certain specimen was really blue
fish. I'VE call EN- Baptists," said a na-
tive fisherman. The Baptist clergymen
rather eagerly asked why. Case they
spile so soon arter they IRE taken out o the
water
Buy good knife, and somebody will
borrow it and never return 1t. Steal an
old one. with broken blade, and nobody
will trouble it. Professor Tyndall might
spend few hours advantageously ex-
planning this phenomenon.-N J. E.r-
press.
Conductor. why did you not wake me
as | asked you? Here ! am miles beyond
my station. Conductor Il did try,
sir, but all i could get ont of you was;
All right, Maria get the children their
breakfast, and I'll be down in q minute.
A good deal of satisfaction is expressed
here over the fate Of DR. Spencer, den
tist, recently shot dead for kissing wo-
man in Mississippi, while she was under
the influence Of ether Women want TO
know it when they are kissed, and the
fool who does not appreciate the fact
ought to die Stili,raf'r, MINI. Lumber
man
General Walker. superintendent of the
census, expresses the opinion that the
coming enumeration will show a fatal of
As, 600, 900 How funny 1t is, gentle read
er, to think that if You were suddenly to
collapse with sunstroke or get hanged,
that this immense sum would drop down
to A.. S99, ,999-N J. Commercial Id
rcrtiser
When Congress busies itself with little
nothings We are reminded Of the story of
Talleyrand. When IA council of minis
ters met to discuss an important question
nobleman said to the wit, Monsieur,
what has passed in the council?' The
g IA
disgust. was Three hours, sir ; nothing
more.
Mr.. Bledsoe. late returning from We
lodge, in merrie plight, walked yc still
hyght with fell alurmes and rude, and
orept him his house INTO We open window
through, and. seeking for II chair To reach,
his wayting wife's new Summer bonnet
sat upon, full heavie and with certain
/harmes thereto Loud shried the ladye
fayre, but Bledsoe, hc with well-aitempt-
ed cheerfnlncsa. his voyce upliited and
with whatever musicke that mote he that
men on lodge-nyght most do warblc with,
he sang. I'm sitting on the style. Mary
Loud lotf,n he, but she, Eumentmg her
unluckie plight. wrpt shull, and yet the
whyles she Wayld the more he did reioyce.
-- -Haw&Ggt
Boys, don't be deceived A girl who
Will talk OF the climbs" Of a table will,
after marriage, chase YOU all around the
ragged ramparts of a two-acre lot with a
rolling-pin and a regular kerosene con
migration in both eyes HA"fmJ
Le0der.
Ladies ought to enjoy reunions or ban
quets much better than men, because they
Il
all the good things that are being said
without any danger Of being called ul
unexpectedly to respond to a toast and
beng Obliged to wish the POSTMASTER
and all the rest Of the company were al
the bottom OF the sea And still some
women gTumhle about The hard lot Of f..
minnie mortality. Romc Sentinel
The most soothing thing man could
do Yesterday was to sit in the shade aud
sing the ''Nincty md Nine ~ y
com, IdrcJ1js,r.
We can bll resl,ont 30 tueae lines "
food
When I've uppr the first 81 men
The apple pressed with spacious cam,
on, what a thousand pltIes then
That Adam was not Adamani'
In searching for wife look only at tia
feet. for does not the old adage tell II
that "All' wcll tina, ends Well.'
Some forty years ago the programme q
one of the concerts Of the Norwich Musi
cal Festival contained the following list q
pieces and Of singers-it can hardly b
considered overloaded as regards punctua
ton Comfort " Mr Hobbs, But VIII
may ablee Mr. Balfe, Behold virgin Nj
Young, Behold darkness shall come owe
Mr.. Phillips, Rejoice greatly Miss Birch
DE shall feed Miss Haws, Come unto m
Madam Stockhauscn.
Swlnebume sings, II hid my head IN
nest of roses. Did you. Algcrnon di
Won? That was wise ia YOU to- hid.
among ihe roses. now, If you had cover
edit up in nest of cabbages, when yo
came to pick 1t ont again you could no
have told, for the life Of you, which hea
was yours Stick to the roses, old boy
every time -B,rii00t10 Hd"keyc