Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-05-22

night weird, fantastic forms fitted
before my eyes, and real objects as
sumed the shape OF what they were
not, and drove me to the verge of
delirium, while the effort constantly
exerted TO retain my reason only the
more proStratec the mental powers.
Ultimately my malady reached a
stage at which seemed to realize
both physical and mental and double
existence. At times l could distinct
ly see the form and features of my
second self, directly confronting AMI
gazing upon my more immediate self.
Aud then my own voice addressed
me, and we conversed together my
self and second self-now condO,ing
in common misery, and then in tant'
alizlpg and horrible imprecations.
The terrible deluSiou became un-
bearable, and ] felt that reason could
not much longer retain command of
the diSordered faculties. il was Il
night when my mental agitation had
reached a high degree. My wife had
fallen asleep, overcome with con-
slant care and watching. l was
pacing the sitting room Of our
chamber, about the hour of mid
night. as was my habit. Occasion
ally l reclined on a sofa, in the hope
Of catching slight respite from the
distress of my terrible hallucination;
but it was for a moment only.
lay down again on the sofa. Ny
brain seemed whrling in a blaze Of
fire, and I sprahg up, striken with
madness. The terrible spectre stood
before me and Knocked me with a
liendish grin Of derision. I grasped
heavy piece Of furniture, and dash
ed at ii with the fury of a maniac.
The spectre seemed palpa0le to the
blow, and yielded. l saw it vanish
in darkness that spread before ME,
and my tormenting second self was
gone. broke forth in frantic laugh
ter, which returned in a hundred
echoes around me, and sank exhaust
ed, unconscious to the floor.
The morning sun was shining in
upon me when woke to returning
consciousness. 4 cool perspiration
ooz9d from my forehead. l rose on
my elbow and, for sOme minutes,
eHdeavored to recall my identity and
the recollections of the night. Then
horrible conviction came upon me.
Good heavens! 1t was she! 1t was
my poor, devoted Wife-the reality
of the form l had dashed down
and destroyed in my frenzy!
Overwhelmed with remorse, ]
rushed wildly from the house and
fed l knew not whittier. The great
er grief that had come upon me re-
animated my mental power, and l
became calm in despair but 1
shrank from the deSolation that my
own hand had wrought.
1t was some weeks after the dread
ful night I have described that 1
reached New York city without de-
tectlon, greater portion of the dis
tance working as one of the crew Of
a canal boat. l wandered along the
wharves of the metropolis, searching
anxiouslY for some means of escap-
ing the country, and longing even
to flee the fellowship of civilized
man. The opportunity was finally
discovered in ship sailing around
Cape Horn for the Pacific coast, on
board Of which my services were ac-
cepted in menial capacity.
l was soon safe from discovery
and pursuit, and free upon the
boundlesS waters-free as one could
feel with the remorse of a hellish
deed upon his soul, and the aban-
donment of all hope of happy hour
in life again.
l need not describe the experience
Uf long and tedious sea voyage,
an3 the hardships and indignities
put upon me in consequence of inef-
fciency and total ignorance of a sea-
mans duty. To me 1t was Of little
account. But the change Of life and
scene, and the sea air had a wonder.
full effect in repairing my mental and
physical strength. 1t was on bright
September morning that l first spied
the hazy shores of California, and in
a Jay or two thereafter saunte red a
long the streets of San Francisco, a,
lone in a new world, with only the
companionship OF bitter recollection.
As necessity required, 1 sought
employment, and managed to sus-
tain myself, leading listless, pur-
poseless sort Of life. But the mo-
notony soon became oppressive, and
the apprehension of ultimate discov-
cry excited renewed anxiety. Fre-
quently fancied the recognition Of
a familiar countenance on the streets
that kept me in painful uncertainty.
The day came In which my worst
fears were realized. The miserable
wretch in whose house | was So