The true northerner., 1879-01-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

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The morning noose-Your necktie.
The whitewasher's business is always
slack.
The right of weigh-2,2OO pounds to
the ton.
MEN who always act on the square
Chessmen.
IT is said that Priam was the inventor
of the crowbar.
IT is grand mistake to suppose that
widows veil is always vale of tears.
TESTING is good for the digestion.
Therefore, live digesting. and die jest
ing.
"I HAVE passed in my checks" said
the seedy one when he pawned his plaid
ulster.
"KNow all men by these peanuts"
says the man who tends the street-stand
on the corner
IT must be eminently right and good
to rise early, because it is so inhumanly
hard to do it-B,trdette.
SOME one SAYS that nothing is healthy
that is fried. This is probably so. Even
Friday is unhealthy-for convicted
murderers.
"WELL, dear, what did you learn at
school this week?" "Oh, mamma, dar-
ling, such stupid, stupid things that
never want to think of them again!"
"SEE what rent the envious Casca
made" said Mark Antony in his ora
ton; and we suppose that was the
L. R1ys.IDffo
THE wife of Scipio was an aboriginal
North American Indian. She used to
have her cards printed plain Mrs.
Seipio." Now she has them "Mississip-
pi-ohl"
A WOMAN does not hesitate great
while between a velvet bonnet and bar
rel of -four. Because, you see, Just
as like as not the bonnet will have
flower upon it. 'ttt
WHEN young man has learned to
consume cigarettes in an artistic man
ner, by ejecting the smoke through his
nostrils, life is no longer barren
ideality, but as real as a bar of soap.
TuToR-"Come now, Mr.. B., give me
a familiar example of Hogarth's line to
grace. Can't you think of it? It's
curved article that you see every day"
Mr.. b. desperately" IA pretzel."
A CYNICAL writer says: "Take com
pany of boys chasing butterflies; put
long tailed coats on the boys, and turn
the butterflies into dollars, and you
have beautiful panorama of the world
WHEN Blobbs stopped ut the agents desk
To ask How much the fare is."
He told his wondering friends that he
Was going off to Paris.
But returned, whene'er his friends
Exclaim, What did you seer"
He tells them all he and did
when was in Pa ree."
SYMPATHIzING bystander about an
unfortunate man who has been knocked
down and stunned 10y the train" Poor
man! Take him to the station" In
jured one (recovering). Take me to
the station? What for, then? If awe
dune ony harm to y'or enginn, avs
willin to pay fort.
A PAIR of scissors was lost, and the
little one suggested that prayer be
said, asking that they might be found.
There was, however, lurking con-
sciousness that there ought to be
combination of prayer and work, SO the
youthful philosopher said: Now,
mother, I'm tired; SO I'll pray while
you hunt"
SMITH has good opinion of himself
He has never done stroke of work,
but lives on hard-working father.
Nevertheless, he fancies that some
credit is due him for the fortune which
he enjoys. The other day, leaning
against the mantelpiece, his back to the
fire, he said: Il was born the son of
poor laborer. Before / was 80 years old
1 was the son of one of the richest men
in the country"
SCENE: London bookshop-Book-
seller: what sort of books do you
want, sir?" Baggs (of Wisconsin,
such books as gentleman generally
has" BooksellerS"And how many?"
Baggs-"Wal, my library is twelve by
/ fifteen, and want it FULL Bookseller
-"Will you have them bound in Russia
or Morocco" Baggs-"Oh, don't send
them so far! Have them bound in
London" Harvard Lampoon.
FATHER of adored one: "Then it
comes to this, sir; you have no fortune,
you have lost your appointment, you
have no prospect of another, and you
come TO ask me for my daughters hand
and fortune?" mol suppose we
put it in this way: 1 am unembar-
rassed by wealth, am free from the cares
of business, and my future is radiated
by hope; therefore, this is the crisis
when I can best devote myself TO your
daughter; and enjoy that afflnence with
which you will crown our love- Prort-
deflce Journal