Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-06-13
Let us Cling to the Old.

same time, needs no companion to waltz
with as she Is sufficient to herself for all
terpsichOrean evOlutiOns; can be asleep
and awake at the same time; can read a
novel with one pair of eyes while the
other contemplates collection of engrav-
ings; can eat with one mouth and drink
with the other, and can sew and indite a
q letter at the same time, and, in fact, per-
form no end of extraordinary things with
her handS.--Er.
What an extraordinary girl that
would be to swing on a gate with!
What exstacy there would be in four
ruby lips raining perfect shower
of pearls upon some fortunate fell
low, without any fear of jealousy or
of the thought obtruding
GLOW happy could I be with either,
We're other dear charmer away
Only consider the possibilities of
such an abnormal endowment. While
one pair of lips were engaged in os-
culation, the other could sing Hail
Columbia" Pop Goes the Wea-
sci, %" We Met by Chance " She's
a JAM" or some other appropriate
air, as an accompaniment. The
imagination fairly reels while con-
templatinS the Improvement this
style of girl w'.,!d DE upon the old
fashioned article. The two-headed
girl, like the double headed playing
card, will surpass all others in the
market. She beats the photograph
in originality and will surpass the
electric light in utility. She is the
browning achievement of the nine
teenty century, and if somebody
takes out patent on her, the ships
of the American navy could not he
able to carry the wealth that will be
laid at his feet.
Only think of it! If one girl is so
sweet, how much more of the sac
charine principle must be slowed up
in a double package of calico and
dimity? How delightful it wsuld
be to possess such superabundance
of ferminity, without fear of being
arrested for bigamy, trigamy or
polygamyF
But, then, as clouds are not all
silver-lining, neither is this prospect
free from the shadow of distrust.
Suppose the same laws which gener-
ally control woman-kind should fol-
low precisely the channels in this
new-fangled creature. Suppose that,
after marriage, by some strange
chemical change. the sugar in the
disposition of tho double-headed girl
be transformed into vinegar. Sup
poss that, instead of honied words
from the two mouths, they should
both emit the sharpest and spiciest
of pepper-sauce Suppose that the
four hands, instead of gently stroking
the auburn ringlets of Adolphus,
should entwine themselves in his
frey locks and begin an indiscrimin-
ate destruction of his capillary COW
ering by tearing out four handsfull
at time? The prospect is too san
culinary, too horrible, to contemplate,
as every family man of ordinary ex-
perience must admit.
We without hesitation and une-
quivocally retract all that We have
said in favor of the double-headed
girl. The present style suits all
needed requirements. If she is not
perfect, neither is she an unmitigated
evil, and we prefer to endure little
longer, rather than to fly to evils we
know not of and especially one
whose Objectionable attributes, if
developed in corresponding ratio to
her virtues, will make her an evil
too grievous to be borne. Away with
her! If anybody seeks to introduce
the new species, treat him as Dix
proposed to serve anybody who
should engage in tho flag enterprise.
WASHINGTON TERRITORY has 1872
miles of railroad, and 568 miles of
telegraph wire, and more miles Of
inland steamboat navigation than
any other similar area in the United
States. The total number of acres
laid claim to by the N. P. r. r., 3d.
600, 900, of which they have only
earned by track-laying 2,6Ss, 900
acres. Grand total, 26,054, 419
acres. There are in Washington
Territory 112,73O,2 4O acres. Dur
ing 1877, there were 1895, 600
Trees destroyed in Washington Ter