Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1879-08-12

turC. said the dramatic critic, as ne gazed
at the burle>que actress arrayed in flesh
Colored, oloSe-htting garments.
New York Commercial Advertiser: \
Brooklyn pork packer rcjoiccs in the name
Of Eden FiSge. Who SAYS tina, Bible
names are going out of fashion;
Syracuse Times: 4 Syracuse boy
put his sisters switch into a cannon for
waddiug on the Fourth he said that
was the proper way 20 bang her hair.
The baby rolls upon the floor.
Kicks UP his tiny feet,
And pokes his toes into his mouth
Thus making both ends meet
The dog, attached 90 q tn pail,
Runs bowling down the street.
And, as hc madiy bites his tail.
lie maketh both ends meet.
The butcher Stays the pensive pig
Cuts ou Li- ears and feet.
md griuds them in a sausage big
Thus making both ends meat.
The farmer coops his skinny hens
AnL feeds them with choice wheat,
The means must justify the ends,
And so he makes them eat.
lHackcnsack Republican.
New York Commercial Advertiser:
We have a shrewd suspician that half the
planets recently discovered are merely old
fellows who have been of on a starring
tour.
Newly married husband: This is
"a friend Of mine, my dear-a friend Of
twenty wears standing" His bride:
Good gracious. Then pray give him
seat. for am sure he must be tired.
Cincinnati Gazette: She wanted the
appropriation bills passed with q proviso
that he. she and the children were al 20
20 10 Saratoga. But he vetoed 1t, and
they went 10 the country with their issues.
Philadelphia Chronicle Herald; A
clergyman won the canoe race at Lake
George the other day. The rest Of the
cloth VIII observe that It was practice, not
preaching, that enabled him 10 come OF
victor
A man tried to get into Banum's
circus the other day, without paying. He
said he'd be bowed, he would. if he was
going to pay TO 20 into the gratis show
on earth. He guessed he knew what
gratis meant.
Detroit Post: Emile Zola's new nov
cl, "L'Assommoir, Is very taking. But
when q man saws oyou. Il Assommoir,
prudence VIII dictate, or al least his care
less articulation VIII sugsest, that he has
had enough already.
Detroit Post: he had killed q man
while under the influence Of liquor, and
as the sheriff marched him up 10 the gal
lows the doomed criminal said he had
sworn never 70 take another drop, and
he hoped they wouldn't insist.
As all the world knows, Paris has a
new headsman. Cham, the French carl
caturist. represents q condemned man in
his cell. awaiting the fatal summons. The
new headsman enters and says, MY
friend, this VIII be my debut. YES,
answers the poor fellow: Its mine too. "
New York Commercial: During the
deluge Noah used TO call his wife his ark
angel. which leads the Albany Journal 70
think he had the making Of paragrapher
in him. Art quite certain that he did
not call her 'dovey, and send her off TO
take observations; We respect Noah,
but he had his pecuEarities.
Philadelphia Sunday Item: A coun-
Try chap had his girl in town last Sun
day, and his city cousin was showing
them the sights They passed certain
institution and the girl asked, What 5
that :" The Old Man Home, replied
the cousin, and the way that country chap
made for the car door was an excellent
example Of the force Of habit.
French paper: At Red Republican
banquet the chairman rises and begins
his speech thus: Fellow citizens at this
banquet where fraternity reignS over all
-Fnghtful cries Of No, no. Down
with the tyrant 80 No reigns-this IS a
republic" warn the orator that he Is
touching on dangerous ground. He adrOit-
" recommences: Fellow citizens, at this
festival where fraternity Is equal among
Us air Frantic applause.
Hartford Post: Charles Augustus, at
the circus grounds on Saturday, carelessly
stumbled against the proprietor in the
crowd. After asking pardon, he turned
20 Arabella and said, That was Adam
Forepaugh." Arabella, whose sense Of
propriety and French was shocked, re-
piled: you should say an unfortunate
jaur pas" unfortunate" exclaimed
c. A, with a corral that lays over the
greatest show on earth and a herd OF
fourteen elephants