The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-02-06
Miscellaneous.

Holler day goods-those shouted on
the street.
The day after washing day is one of
sad irony.
Recipe for making pantaloons last
Make the coat and vest first
I'm getting fat" as the tramp said
when he was caught stealing lard
The nose is red, the lips are blue; the
weather is cold, and so are you.
Corkscrews have sunk more people
than cork jackets will ever keep up.
Fresh rolls every morning-Rolling to
the other side of the bed for fresh
snooze
No man was ever known to be found
drowned with a receipt from printer in
his pocket.
He who takes an eel by the tail and a
woman by the tongue, is sure to come off
empty handed.
Why should not ducks be allowed on
doctors premises Because they make
such personal remarks.
The phonograph is like the small
brother of young lady-it repeats eve
ry thing said in his presence.
man who had been married twice to
ladies both named Catharine, advised his
friends against taking dupli Hates.
An Irishman tells of fight in which
there was but one whole nose left in the
hot ha1 To ha
kettle"
There are twenty quires to ream of
paper, and but one choir to a church
still it is enough to set the entire congre-
CATION by the ears.
A Welsh paper recently contained the
following to its notices to correspondents:
"'Truth' is crowded out of our columns
this week"
When boy does something funny arc
you laugh at it, he will invariably keep
doing it twenty or thirty times more till
you have to knock him down with some
thing
Full many rose is born to blush un-
seen, and waste its sweetness on the
desert air." full many pound of butter
that seems clean, it is but hiding place
for yellow hair.
A red nosed gentleman asked a wit
whether he believed in spirits "Ay,
sir" replied he, looking him full in the
face" Il see too much evidence before
me to doubt it"
man who was an inveterate smoker
for twenty years, has suddenly and per-
manently given up the practice. He
knocked the ashes off his pipe into ke G
of blasting powder
Harry, did you ask Mr. Hicks for the
money, as l told your" Eyes sir"
what did he say? Nothing He
Just kicked me into the street; that's all
he said"
Young men of the middle class are
getting SO shy and very hard to catch,
that parents will have to begin to offer
chromos along with their marriageable
daughters.
A "Bull' somewhere A western paper
says "a cow was struck by lightning
and instantly killed, belonging to the
village physician. who had a Beautiful
calf four days old"
An lrishman who was working at q
drain, had his pickaxe raised in the air
just as the clock struck twelve. Deter
mined to work no more until after din
ner, he let 60 the pickaxe and left it
hanging there!''
How dare you say that never open
my mouth without putting my foot in it?'
demanded Brown of Jones II hope YOU
will forgive me- replied the latter "for
when [ said that I had nevar saap tho
size of your foot"
Doctor, my daughter seems to be 60
for her wedding too 20, dear me, what
is to be done ?" Let her go on with her
wedding, madam, by all means. If any
thing can open her eyes, marriage will"
There is fortune awaiting the man
who invents a boomerang bootjack which
you can throw at cat and have it sail
back to the window if it misses it's mark.
If it should hit the cat fellow would be
satisfied, and never ask for its return.
When a rebellious Texan was once
asked what answer he would make if the
Governor of the State should send his
officers to demand his arms, he replied
81 would propose a compromise measure
keep the rifle and give them the con-
tents"
A guide professed to exhibit Balaams
sword upon which gentleman observed
that Balaam had only wished for a
sword to which it was answered. Pre-
cisely SO, and this is the sword for which
he wished.