Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1879-10-10
PITH AND POINT.

A LADY uptown, joking about her
nose, said: "I had nothing to do with
shaping it. 1t was birthday present"
The injurious effects of "forty-rod
whisky we presume is attributable to
the fact that forty rods make one rude.
THE end man of a negro-minstrel
company calls himself the Napoleon of
the troupe because he is the bony part.
A SMART uptown boy lately informed
his grandfather that he didn't like TO
hear him joke-"it's bad-in-age," he ex-
planned.
A CALIFORNIA politician says that the
path of rectitude has been travelled so
little in that State, of late years, that it
has all run to grass.
"MY son." said an old lady, show
must Jonah have felt when the whale
swallowed him?" "Down in the mouth"
was the young hopefuls reply.
"WoMAN is delusion, madame" ex-
claimed crusty old bachelor to witty
young lady. "And man is always hug
ging some delusion OF other" was the
quick retort.
rekAASSty ShEFFasG ;coafs If as in which
they sit around and try ofenders-a
sort of crow bar.
JEANETTE Ma, are you going to
give me another piece of pie?" Ma
"What do you want to know for?"
Jeanette if you amt, I want
to eat this piece slowly"
A T1M1D Bostonian has married lady
whose weight verges closely on 200
pounds. "My DEAR" said he to her.
"shall I help you over the fence?"
"No," says she to him, "help the fence"
A LITTLE Waterloo Sunday-school
miss was asked by her teacher, "What
must people do in order to go to heav-
emf" "Die, I suppose" replied the
little one. The teacher did not ques-
tion her any further.
The gift chrome business lags, and
it is now possible to purchase pound
of tea in some localities without being
obliged to invest $4,S73 for frame to
encircle the artistic production so
smiGngly handed you by the dealer.
A CORRESPONDENT of the st. Louis
| Globe. Democrat tells this story: can
Eishman, upon his arrival in the United
States, noting the great number of mil
itary titles, exclaimed, what divil OF
battle has been fought near here,
where all the privates were kilt
THE pretty girl that all men seek is
combination of rare and precious
stones. Her lips are rubies, her teeth
pearls, diamonds must flash from her
eyes, bright and sparkling gems must
fall from her lips, while her pocket
must fairly groan with its pile of rocks.
"Have you given electricity trial
for your complaint, MADAME" asked the
minister as he took tea with the old
lady. ELECTRICITY" said she. "Well,
yes, I reckon 1 has. l was struck by
lightning last summer and hove out of
the window, but it didn't seem to do me
no sort of good"
ALTHOUGH Henry Lunday, of STRAIT
ford, Ct., was 70 years old, he not only
fell in love with woman of 20, but was
hopeful that she would marry him. She
was cold and persistent. Finally she
forbade him to cali on her. and then he,
after bequeathing all his property to an
Episcopal Church, committed suicide.
TWELVE sets of telephones have been
sent out to Sir Garnet Wolseley for use
at the seat of war in South Africa. The
great advantage of the telephone over
the telegraph is that the General can
carry on confidential talk with the Off
Ger at the district station, or soldier
can creep out toward the enemy's lines
and whisper back the information as to
position. A fine wire, the thinner the
better, is all that is needed. This the
soldier carries in reel upon his back,
mile weighing only few pounds.
This will be the first time the telephone
has been used as an instrument of war
fare.