The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1879-11-07
COMICALITIEs.

FooT notes-Murpby's $5.oo0.-Bes.
ton Post.
TEE nearest thing TO fend II the
man that win insist on singing when he
doesn't know how.
soNe Of the dry. goods clerk-"swing-
Ing In delsine. "-CiscisnGG Saturday
Night.
LISTENING 10 the voices Of nature,
one may note that the green corn ID
little husky.
You'll always find Q good. looking
lass In Close proximity 10 good looking
ass.-Danisls0nviIs Sentiasi.
IT was the proprietor Of Q Bessemer
furnace whe first rejoiced when he met
q foreman worthy OF his steel"
An old man with Q brilliantly red
nose should not be held up e. 0 shining
exsrple for young men.-Nsw Orleans
Piodyune.
CoIoRRD troops are the best for fight
ing Indians. The reds fly In dismay
after o few futile efforts 70 capture o
marketable SCALP.
IT II peculiar and awful veneration
which the small boy has for companion
whose father IL policeman.-Ns1 York
Commercial Adrertiser.
A MOB tarred and festhered Q comic
singer out west for clipping with another
mans wife. His manager bills him now
a. the " Great Feathered Songster."
BOON, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom. We prefer TO
put Il ell into one paragraph Tor those
who insist upon this thipg.-Boston Posf.
"I TBIRK it's time to be going" aid
young Skinner after boring his betrotbed
till late hour one night. Yes" said
she, "this 10 . goas-you.please match"
Down In Maryland there 10 black
man who 10 turning white. Rockland
can match IL. The other evening We saw
q white girl turn red.-Rockiand Courier.
An editorial In q contemporary ishead-
ed The first gun In Ireland" The first
gun In Ireland, 1t 10 officially stated, was
Q shillaleh.-Rovristoton Herald.
A NAN at Norwich, o., has run mad
because he could not make an Eolian
harp out of herring box and two oyster
cans.
An exchange speaks Of the "high
price of hops.T Yes, Ave dollars tick
ct, especially when they are for charity,
Ii too high.-Boston Post. aE--.
DISTRACTED MorHER.-"If you chill
dren make such noise ] shall 90 out Of
my mind" Go on, mother; I'll mind
the young 'uns while you're gone."-
Fun.
The Albany journal wants to know
what welkin Ia. A welkin 10 country
cousin in good sanitary condition, and
when he rings we are not at home
Brooklyn Eagle, ....-. -.EE
The best excuse for suicide We ever
heard was of q fellow who said he wanted
to get into the next world before ell the
soft places were taken up.-Boston Tran
script.
PaoFEssoR-Now, I ask you, a. prac.
ticsl miner, what spade 10 the best?
Third year man (scornfully)-Why, the
ace, of course. (Ssnsstion. )-Actd Co
lumbiand.
AvRRY.MUCH.wBIsKKRED individual,
driving in a "dawg cart" in the park,
with bis Scotch terrier, asked Q witty
lady what she thought Of them.
/" Why" said she, I" / thought you were
beside yourself" .a tE
Heavy MERCHANT to Young Man
" You are now in my employ some ak
weeks; your conduct, your acquire
ments are admirable; but what / ad-
mire most Is the punctuality with which
you come half an hour to0 late every
day" -. .. H..
A DOMESTIC essayist admonishes the
wife TO "tell your husband often that
you love him !" and bids the husband TO
+" never let the cherries on your wife's
lips 20 ungathered." To which last the
Golden Rule adds, And stick TO your
own cherry tree"
TIE boy who substitutes living for
q dead hornet in the collection Of near
sighted entomologist and then asks the
man of science to show him where the
insects sting Il located should be held
responsible for any irreligious sentiments
the victim may advance.
A MAN stopping his paper writes: 81
think folks ottent to spent their mummy
for pa, oar, roy dada didant. and every
BODY sed be was the ipteiligentest man
in the country, and he had the smartest
family of boiz that ever dugged taters-"
OF course he didn't need paper.
LITTLE WILLIE-"And were all the
little birds drowned, mammal" Nam
ma (who had been telling the story OF the
deluge)-" Yes, oil but those who went
In the ark" Willie" Then ] do
think they were stupids; why didn't
they get In row on top OF the arkf"
IT IL claimed that Colonel ngersolrs
new party has already q membership OF
500, 600. Well, this 10 probably fact.
Count them now. There 10 Colonel In
gersoll, that Ii one; now II some gentle
man will kindly call of the names Of the
others while We keep tally.-B~Is"gto"
Haiokeye.
GIRL-" We shall want Q dozen eggs,
pound of salt butter and . half
Dutch cheese, tomorrow, and write 1t
down In case you forget" Hibernian
Tradesman-" Forget. 10 It! shure,
haven't I memory 30 long I'm obliged
to tie knot In 1t TO carry 1t about wild
me, be jaSera"-Fxn. ..-.- -...-
Down BRAKRs.-"Ah, Louise, my
heart Ia very dependent. Ever since l
have gazed into the depths OF those
lovely ewes, p" Hush, John, put An
air.brake on that train Of thought Pa
has introduced me to his new partner,
and I am his for $4,000, 600. That set-
ties it."-Nes0 Hacea Register.
LApY-"But tell me, Miss jenkins,
vby YOU are not satisfied Governes-
Well, the fact Is, madam, l should be
perfectly oontented to stay II Master
Tommy were not 20 plain; but am
afraid of his being taken for my little
boy some day when We are out walking,
and that would be 30 very unpleasant
ACCORDING to the poet Campbell,
"The sentinel stars set their watch In
the sky." As long az they don't set
grsndfather's clock" in the sky, We
shall still be willing to 60 mp there.
Their watch has never been set to music.
-Noristop~ Herald.
A JURY in the city court of New York
disagreed one day lsst week, and when
Judge McCue inquired, |" How do you
stand, gentlemen?' the foreman replied:
"Your honor, there are six of US on one
side, and four on the other; one is one
both sides, and one didn't VOTE" Judge,
Jurors and spectators were convulsed
with laughter, but the foreman was un.
able to see the Joke.
VINO wants to kiss girl II he knows
she's going to let him, and he knows he's
got to do Il, and every body's looking on
to see fair playS No, sir, that takes all
the life cut of 1t. The way to do 1t 10
to catch her of hand and tear the gathers
out of her, and pull the ribbons TO pieces,
and knock her back hair down, and hear
her say, "ohi" all to yourself, and