Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-01-25
COurier-Journal Rifle-Balls.

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"Wecan offer you few dates, wrote
two song-and. dance men to manager.
'Thanks," was the reply, "but here I
can buy them for ten cents q quart"
! Rochester Union: "Where shall we
put our surplus money!" It is strange
you should ask such question as that,
when you have chance to invest it in
apint of peanuts every day of your
Rochester Democrat and Chronicle:
Massachusetts, has put her foot on
Ben Butler" And now let her throw
her full weight on that foot and see
what pancake she will have for her
trouble.
A man named Peter Shortsleeves was
stabbed by mere boy in Troy the other
day. He might have known that he
couldn't faunt such q name as that
around long without getting hurt in
some way or other.
The Rochester Democrat declares that
the editor of the Chicago Times doesn't
give the devil his due. It is not at all
strange that he doesn't. This thing of
paying out ones self in the way of
dues, and especially to the devil, is q
rather serious piece of business.
81 will dare to tell yeu," says Broth
er Talmage. "that there are multitudes
of men who owe their eternal damna-
ton to the boldness of womanly at
tire" Who knows but that many an
ingenious youth may in after-life date
the turn of his life hellwards from the
time he firted at some ball with low
necked dress.
1t is said now that the campaign in
Massachusetts cost Butler $3.50, 900.
Talk about your expensive funeral
why here is money enough expended
on the burial of mere working man"
to buy half the Kings of Europe and
give them each row of hacks quarter
of mile long, with boiled shirt and
plug hat for every driver.
Among the relics which Colonel In
gersoll brought with him from Scot
land is bottle half full of hair-oil
which once belonged to Robert Burns.
From the number of such bottles
brought to this country by marine relic
hunters, one is apt to conclude that the
poet must have bought his bottles by
the gross and his hair-oil by the barrel.
Speaking of the pernicious light lit
erature of the day, Brother Talmage
says ga million men and women in the
United States to-day are reading them
selves into hell" This, it is to be
feared, is too true; but until these men
and women can be induced to read such
literature less and the Courier-J ournal
more, there is seemingly no help for it.
ATexas correspondent Of the Danville
Advocate promises to send the editor of
that paper centipede as q specimen of
Texas insects. Although nothing is
needed to make the Advocate one of the
best and most beautiful newspapers in
the South but centipede, yet there is an
insect out there in Texas called two
and-a- half-dollar gold-piece which we
would just as soon have.
The comptroller of the household of
the Marc uis of Lorne is Mr.. r. G.
Moreton. When q man marries and
settles down in this country, he doesn't
have to go abroad to find comptroller
of the household. His mother-in-law
usually announces herself as candi-
date for that Office the first thing, and
as she is herself both supervisor and
returning board, and as he is never
permitted to go behind the returns,
fraud or no fraud, she is counted in
every time.
John O'Connor, who, upon the dis
covery that he had been in the Michi-
gan penitentiary, was expelled from the
Ohio Legislature year or so ago, was
arrested the other day for forging PEN
sion certificates. For this offense he
will probably Ego up" for another term
of years. However, he doesn't mind
that so much. Having been expelled
from the Ohio Legislature for having
been in the penitentiary, the fear now
of being expelled from the peni-
Tertiary for having been in the Ohio.
Legislature is what worries him most.
Vermont is by all odds the most bar
barous State in the Union. Instead of
hanging her murderers at once, she
sends them to the Penitentiary for tive
years and then hangs them. The state
of mind OF the wretches during the two
years preceding the conclusion OF their
punishment may be imagined. Posi-
bly, the object of the State is to better
prepare them for the glorious future
which the majority of slaughterers talk
so much about on the eve of their de-
parture, but the prospect must at times
seem appalling even to Christian muir
derers.
Rochester Chronicle: "Rev. Kramer,
of New York, has just been put on trial
in st. Stephens Lutheran church for
visitrAg saloons, getting tight and rails
ing rumpuses generally. His plea is
that, like Talmage, he was after points
against the devil!" Poor Brother Kra-
mer! He and the rest of us had hoped
that the day of Puritanical prescription
had passed; but that hope, it would
seem, was to the rest Of US a delnsion,
and to him both delusion and snare.
The preacher has hard enough time
at best, and if he is to be denied all the
sweet, innocent pleasures that consti-
tute the roses and raptures of life, he'd
as we'll abandon the pulpit at once and
go 10 mauling rails.
In Scotland they do things rather
differently from the current methods in
| the limited States. OF the ten or