, 1879-11-15
DiversitieS.

4
Perhaps Caesar intended to say "Uts
| Brute -
'The monumental traveller. the tramp.
A midnight broil-oysters for two after
the opera Is over
Ta.iers make irresistible lovers. They
know how to press a suit.
| Whan man calls his wifes maid an angel
it is time for his wife to make her fly.
Ii is better TO love a man you can never
marry, than to marry man you can never
love.
The under dog in a fight deserves no pity.
| He will pitch into a smaller dog than himself
! tie momen. he gets chance
When two Young men meet they address
| each other as ''oid man, and that when two
old fellows meet they say "my boy.
A starved tramp said he was so thin that
when he had llsin he couldn't tell whether
1t was stomach ache or back ache.
4 tramp who was caught roaming around
through the country stealing eggs said he
merely wished to get the lay OF the land.
The man who is constantly agitating the
question, Where do all the pins so - ought
To know tina, he is guilty of a finaphorism.
There is no need of skirmishing around a
bookstore IN search of present for your
wife. A bank book viii always be accepta-
ble
Little Gerty iafter waiting some time for
DESSERT: ''Uncle. don't You have anything
after dinner Uncle Yes, dear the
dyspepsia"
Jennie. what makes you such bad girl!'
Well, mamma, God sent you Just the best
children He could f.nd and If they don't suit
you | can't help it. ="
! little girl who was sent ont to look for
eggs came back unsuccessful, and complained
that "there wer., lots of hens standing
around doing nothing"
William Augustus to sleepy roommate
Come, John Henry, why don't you get up
with the lark as do , John Henry grimly:
Been up with HIM all night
~ have love-letter, said the servant
girl to her mistress. "WilI ye rade it 10
me And here IS some cotton wud ye stuff
iii yer cars whole ye rade 1t y
\ schoolmistrcss 2sked child what see
spclt The child hesiiatei. Said the teacher:
what do do when l look at Nh. smith,
"ThquInt replied the pupil. p
4 girl teased her old father to buy her ono
OF those new bonnets tipped off with hum
ming bird, and he said he would do it if he
thought she would ever stay to hum IN it.
4 lame boy may not be able to climb
creased pole rs well us all athletic schoolboy,
bat If YOU wish an errand done quickly you d
better send the boy that has to walk with
crutches
Disturbed parent and his five-year-old :
See here, sonny; what did your mother
tell you - ..She told me not to jump
What makes you jump, them" - didn't
hear her
English brides are photographed immedi-
ately after the wedding ceremony before
starting on their journey. A bright idea.
They never look 50 pleasant and happy after
they return.
buy a trunk, Pat, said dealer "And
what Tor should l buy trunk /" reioined
Pat TO put your clothes III, was the re-.
ply And 20 naked :" exclaimed Pat /;
mot bit iv 1t -
A teacher defined conscience as some
thing w.thin you that tells you when you
have done wrong" 80 | had 1t once" spoke
up young tow head of SIX summers, but
they had to send for the doctor.
One OF party of SIX boys who are spend
Ing Their vacation at kennebunk sent the
following expressive letter: I'VE dug
woOdchuck out OF his hole, it was a skunk;
We slept III the barn that night -
why do guns burst ," asks eontempo-
rary and then devOtes nearly column to
answering the question. Guns burst because
powder Is put INTO them. You might use a
gun seven hundred years and 1t wouldn't
Darst II you kept powder out OF It,
A Quincy boy came home with his hair
dripping wet, having just came out OF the
swimming hole He was equal to the emer-
geucy, and escaped busy time with his
mother aud d bIicn sprnut by wearlly wIping
his forehead and remarkIug Its awful
hot work hoelng down there IN the garden.
"Grandma," gives some advice: "H
vou have married bachelor, whose habits
are confirmed, and the organ OF tlrmness so
strongly Developed that his hair sticks up on
the top of his head, yield for peace sake. To
know and understand your husband, summer
and winter him. To domesticate the ami.
mai, feed high, pet and pat.
A farmer said to All old acquaintance who
caIne 10 condole with him on the uDmanage-
abieness of his two sons, who had committed
2 burglary IN the next town, and both had
been sentenced to prison: Its pretty
rough ON he 10 have them both 20 to onet,
but there Is one thing tC It-when It comes
night now You know where them boys be"
A irr, In the New York city court disa-
greed, and when Judge McCue inquired.
:" How do you stand, gentleman ?, the fore
man replied: ''Your honor, there are SIX OF
US ON one side and four on the other; one is
Oh both sides and one didn't vote" Judge,
Jurors and spectators Were cOnyulsed with
laughter but the foreman was unable TO
see the Joke.
Sum people marry bekase they think VIM
min will be scarce next year, and hTe to
wonder how the stock holds out Sum marry
TO yet rid Of themselves, and discover that
the game was one that two can play at and
neither win Sum marry for love withouta a
cent in their pocket, nor friend In this
world, nor Z drop of pedigree. This looks
desperete, bet iS the strength OF the game.
Sum marry in haste and then SIT down and
think ii carefully over. Sum think 1t care
fuily over fust and then set down and marry.
No man kan tell jist what cahco has made
up her mind tew do Calico don't know
herself. Dry goods OF all kinds Il the child
of circumstance.
The word "booM," now having quite
run as the summary expression OF a concerted
effort 10 get up enthusiasm foI some thing OF
body, the Philadelphia Record informs Us, Is
used among timber getters to SIGNIFY coll
| Isc.;o,, az Iors which have been laboriously