The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1879-09-13
tanks, Babies.
trfom the New York weekly.

iETOm tu6 NEW IoTk WSeklYI
/ was detained over Sunday in Barns
bury, and on Sunday resolved to go to
church. The first church / came to, q
small frame structure with wooden
steeple, had the doors and windows
tightly shut, but there was man on the
steps whiting a stick, and / said to-
him:
"Are you connected with this
church 2"
"Yes," he said, 81 am the sexton"
"What is it closed fora"
well, mostly on account of Banks
babies.'
"Babies?"
Sit down and I'll tell yon about it.
You know. Banks, he came down to this
town few weeks ago, perfect stranger.
and he rented pew in this church. 1t
seems that Banks had three little bits of
babies, triplets, not more'n two months
old, and then, beside these, he had twins
about year DID, So nobody knew about
the babies, but Banks wanted to have
the little darlings baptized, and he al
lowed Mrs. Banks to rush the whole five
babies into church on one Sunday might
excite remark, you understand. So he
settled it that he'd have 'em christened
gradually, SO to speak,. Accordingly, the
next Sunday he fetched little Jimmy, one
of the triplets, and all went off we'll
enough. On the followin' Sunday he
came a promenadin' up the aisle with
George Washington, another triplet, and
Dr. Binns, our preacher, fixed him up all
right. People thought it was queer, but
when on the next Sunday mornin' Banks
and his wife came into church with an
other baby, William Henry, crying a
Pawnee war-hoop, some of the folks
couldn't help snickirin'.
"Howsomdever nobody complained, and
all might have been we'll if Banks hadn't
come along the Sunday after with Elijah
Hunsiker Banks, one OF the twins. Every
body laughed, and Mr.. and Mrs. Banks
were furious-mad as anvthing,you know,
and Elijah Hunsiker Banks hauled off
accidentally with his hand and hit DIR.
Binns, who was holding him during the
ceremony, a whack in the face, and the
Doctor dropped him in the water, the
| congregation just fairly roared with laugh.
ter. Mrs. Banks turned red as fire: and
looked as if she would like to murder
everybody.
"Well, you know, we all thought this
was the last, and public feeling kinder
simmered down on toward the end of the
| week, when who should come booming
up the aisle on Sunday morning but Mr..
| and Mrs Banks, with Tecumseh Aristotle
Banks, the remainin' twini Well, you
ought just to we heard the congregation
laugh! never seen nothin' like it in all
my experience. Even DIR. Binns had to
| smile And the Bankses, they were per-
fectly wild with rage. Anyhow, they
| baptized Teeumseh; and after meetin
some of the elders got to jokin' about it
| One allowed they'd have to apply to the
| town Supervisors for an extension of the
water works another allowed that ar.
rangements ought to be made to divert
| Hucklebe~ry creek and run it down the
middle aisle OF the church another made
some kind of a joke about business beine
| good because so many Banks were IN town
/ another said that Banks would need abou
| twelve pews when his family grew up
Somebody must have told Banks about it
| for what does he do to revenge himself
| He sends down to Clarion county to hi!
two sisters to come up and bring theil
| children. So they had couple of babies
/ apiece. and as soon as they arrived Banks
he begins to bring them into churcl
gradually, like the others You neve
seen such meetings as them. The church
was jammed fall of people just roarIn'
And when Banks came in on Sundey
| with the fourth and last of the sisters
Jabies, the Trustees thought it was tim,
to interfere. Gettin to be farce, yot
| know. So Deacon Smith Re stepped M
| and said somethin' or other to Banks, ,an(
Banks, quicker n wink, laid down tht
baby and banged the deacon with hi
| fist. And SO I dunno how it was, but il
minute there was Banks, Deacon
Smith, Deacon Hubbard, Banks sister
baby and me, all rollin' and pumpin
over the floor, hittin' and kickin' ane
whoop7n' in manner that was ridiculous
to behold.
"And when We all come to and go
Strengthened out, Banks picked up th'
battered baby of his sister and quit, ans
the trustees held an informal meetin' ant
agreed to close the church for month, 81
as to kinder freeze Banks out, and nov
we've shut up; but | reckon it is no use
for hear Banks has got his back up ant
gone over and joined the Baptists."
So said good bye to the sexton, ant
went in search of another sanctuary.