Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-06-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

-DAa a1AA - 4l44 VI III ySSuALOuS AHOA-
lean.
The plow is believed to be the CID
est Landmark. Utica Observer.
Every house must be thoroughly
eoaled before it can be made warm.
Rising 70 explain wears a mans
character out in the course of time.
80 When / was q child / spake as q
child,'' and often got spanked for do
ing it.
The Town Treasurer of Benne-
bunkport, Me-, gets S25 o year, and
gives bonds for $4,000.
One man may be casting rehec-
ton when he says he sees villainy in
the eyes of another man.
The man who thinks everybody
else fool, can keep on good terms
With himsef.-M o. RicGyItne.
Spring poetry is a strangely hardy
plant. When it gets fairly up, the
weather never sets It back an inch.
Although women are now allowed
TO practice law in all the courts of
Ohio not one is permitted to act as q
Notary Public.
1t is not until the flower has fallen
off that the fruit begins to ripen. So in
life, it Is when the romance is past that
the practical usefulness begins.
"A Baltimore pedestrian has been
very III of nervous prostration pro-
dueed by a trying contest in which he
was defeated. he viii be a wreck DUR
ing the remainder of his life.
AN editor says, ''It is Just as easy
for child to fall into tub of cold wa
ter as into a tub of hot water, and yet
we never read of a ohild's falling into
tub of cold water"
"A Photographic picture has been
taken at midnight of the room in the
mill at Willimantic, Conn, in which
the electric light is used, and it is said
to be clear and distinct.
Two mouths with but a single
stew, Two spoons that dip as one," as
the young man remarked to his dearly
beloved, after giving his economical
order of Gone stew, two spoons"
The late husband, when he finds
that somebody has stolen the keyhole
out of his door, and difidently rings
the bell, knows exactly who "The
Coming Woman" is.-S00eTviIle Jour
nal.
The farmer should sow his Ps,
keep his Us warm, hive his Bs, kill off
the is, remember what he Cs, take care
Of the VS., pay all he Os, teach his boys
not TO Is, and take his Es.-M ?. In
dependent.
An epitaph can easily be made to
suggest the domestic history Of many
years. For instance -
sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,
Who died for peace and quietness' sake;
his wife was constantly scolding and scUffin',
50 be sought for repose in twelve dollar coffin.
"A minister who was speaking quite
loud saw a woman leaving the church
with q crying babe, and thereupon ex-
claimed: ''Your baby don't disturb
me, madam "That isn't it, sir,''
she replied /; ''you disturb the baby"
Of course, every effect must have q
cause.
Practical Yankee: "WeIl, yes, sir.
I give in to you. Shakespeare was q
genius. But he didn't kinder seem to
put it to a practical use. Never bene-
fted civilization with a washing-ma-
chine, nor q patent turnip-peeler, nor
anything of that sort. Still, he was a
smart man"
"A writer in. Boston paper com.
plains of the freedom of conversation
IN the street-cars of that city, and
quotes the remark of a young lady,
who said: Well, 1 haven't heard
enough about that engagement yet. 1
declare, I must go into town and ride
in Bescon-street car"
The women of Massachusetts are
competent 20 take a philosophic view
Of the most perpleKed problems. When
one of them was Informed that there
were more women than men in the
State, she at once replied that the fact
was in accordance with the scientific
doctrine of the 81 Survival Of the fit
test. .n-BeaJ York Herald.
"a certain resident Of North Adams,
Mass, recently buried his wife, a
woman Of unusual size, and few days
after the sad event a neighbor attempt
ed little in the consolatory line by
remarking: &c Well, Mr.. -, you have
met with a heavy loss" "Yes," re-
piled the mourner, with a sigh, "she
weighed most four hundred pound!''
Events will work contrariwise
sometimes, in spite of our best efforts.
just think of the feelings of a man
who, seeing two persons drowning,
springs TO their relief, grasps one Of
them ut the risk of his own life and
succeeds in saving him, only to find in
his vest pocket when he searches him
little unsettled bill against himself
Exchange.
=" How much do you ask for that
gooseP' inquired a customer of 8 mar
AeJ woman. Seven shillings for the
two" replied the woman. "But I
want only one," said the customer AT
can't help it." answered the woman.
'' l amt a-goin' to sell one witbo11t tbe
other. To my certain KNOWLEDGE them
ERE geese have been together for
more'n thirteen years, and I amt a.
goin' 70 be so unfeelin' as to separate
'en now.'i
The wife of smsil farmer in Perth
shire, some time ago, went to chem
lists in the "Fair City, with two pre-
scriptions-one for her husband and
the other for her COW. Finding shehad
not money enough to pay for both, the
chemist asked her which she would
take. g Gle me that for the co.,, said
the wifei the worm viii do we'll
enough for him, puir body. Gin he
were to dee, l could sune get another
man, but I'm not sac sure if l would
sune get another coo.'' r.
GERMAEY exported last year, in the
eleven months ending with November,
ever 11,775, 900 bushels of potatoes. {