Connecticut western news., 1879-04-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

Even the tramp who loafs in the parks has his summer seat.
 Late to bed and early to ryes wears out the strongest constitution.
 Emma Abbott sings in Q $26, ,OOO necklace, and never takes cold. To drop hot sealing-wax on your fingers is sign you will be angry.
 The time has almost arrived when everybody grows spoony on ice cream.
 A teacher of brass band is tutor, and so is every member of the band tooter. ...
 If man bigger than you says you are a liar, do not resent it. He may be mistaken. ...>
 The candidate who grasps your hand most earnestly will be the first to shake it after he is elected.
 At the barber's: .s.How does Monsieur wish to have his hair dressed ?" "In silence, please"
 Vice is the only monster we know of that is not arranged with prominence in circus bill, says the Owego Record.
 The early stomach-ache apples have not got along yet, but there is an article of cheap sour oranges that is very good substitute.
 Solomon was the first man to sug- gest parting the heir in the middle. The suggestion was made to two women | in a famoua In wauit | Sir Boyle Roche said Single mis- fortunes never come alone, and the great
 est of all possible misfortune is generally
 followed by greater.
 The Hartford Journal gives the fol-
 lowing recipe for how to get rich Take
 a bank-note, fold it up, and you will find
 your wealth increases.
 A man was boosting that he had an
 elevator in his house. "So he has,
 chimed in his wife, "and he keeps it in
 he cupboard in bottle"
 A more glorious victory cannot be
 gained over another man than this, that
 when the injury began on his part the
 kindness should begin on ours.
 By all means, says New York
 paper, build the Blackwell's Island
 bridge. It's shame to make the con-
 victs swim over when they escape. To know a man, observe how he , wins his object rather than how he loses ; it for when we fail, our pride supports us-when we succeed it betrays us. Notwithstanding the fair business
 prospects all over the country it is said
 that a great many farmers will break up this spring-with two-horse ploughs.
 A young woman at Williams, Iowa.
 in returning her beau's ring, sent 1t to
 him through the mail with tag tied to
 it. saying on its reverse, T hate to, but
 I must"
 : A Japanese student of New Haven went to spend the evening with young 3 lady. On coming away she invited him to come again soon. He called again m about an hour.
 A son of the Siamese twins is , achieving high honors in an Eastern col , lege, which leads funny man to ask ; "Why shouldn't he rise in the world ? , His father was well connected" The walking mania is producing all z sorts of challenges-here is tailor challenging customer to " foot '" bill :, that has been " "standing" five years,
 insisting that "steps shall be taken, 2 etc.
 e Said @ saloon-k keeper to reformed !. man whom he met on the street: How l drunk you have been in my place before n now" "Yes," replied the other, Out Y remember how seber have kept out e of it"
 s A conscience-stricken pilgrim te # Mount Vernon has sent one dollar to the 1T Superintendent for 8 cane which he cut Il on the estate and did not pay for, saying }, it was the meanest th1ng he had done IT g five years.
 n Tt is said that one of the member o of the Indiana Legislature had hil y curiosity excited by observing the nut tt crackers at the hotel table, and asked
 "WhaYn the thunder is them bullet
 moulds doin' here ?"
 -Patent-medicine dealers are using
 so many tricks now to have their adver e tisements read that man never begin It an item, not even @ sermon, withou o looking at the bottom to see If thu words "For sale by all druggists ar' d there.
 'e We cannot approach beauty. It ?, nature is like opaline doves neck lustr' Id lowering and evanescent. Herein eff resembles the most excellent things y which all have-this rainbow character g defying all attempts at appropriation y' and use.
 ct -Bayard Taylor walked all ove 7, Europe, but he never made anythin Ut out of the "gate money" and so he die 'n in poverty, and was buried short tim D. ago, just about the time that brillian al genius was making $30, 900 by rieh p pl use of his legs.
 Ts There was an ingenious amount ( -, devotion implied in theremark of slovt lr sick millionaire when the object of hi Y, affections became ecstatic over the beaut vs of the evening star ooh, do not--d ,e not praise it like that r he cried |" o, cannot get 1t for you" nd The superintendent addressed th ,'t school on obedieDce to the moral law an and urged she keeping and not brsalsin ,, ,s e.. s,..-.---.-.......s .ss sv a-vs.~ s' q impression asked "Is anything bstss ,fV for being broken?' "Yes," said . liss