The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-12-31
ALE SORTS.

Emerson says a man ought to carry
pencil and note down the thoughts of the
moment. But when man discovers that
he has been walking through the streei
with one suspender hanging below his
coat tails, it would be hard to induce him
to stop and write what he thought about
the matter, and, if he did so. he would, In
a calmer moment, be ashamed of his
blasphemous composition. and would tear
it up. Boston Post.
An English girl wants to know how long
/ girls should be courted. -Er. Our OPP
inion may not be worth much in such mat
teTs. but we think long girl should be
courted in the same manner as short girls
are courted-with operas. carriage-rides,
CONNECTIONS, sitting up nights. and so forth.
| 1t a young man cant court long girl
without carrying step-ladder when he
goes to see her, he should resign in favor
of some one who car, Norristoson Herald.
A scythe which Prince Bismarck once
took from the hands OF a peasant In a
meadow and swung for a half hour was
purchased By the Historical Museum OF
Berlin for $500 Ii Bismarck will come
over here and swing our old pen for half
| hour, so that we can sell it to some his.
torical society for $500, we promise not
only to go snacks" with him. but to print
10 this column the paragraphs he writes
In the half-hour. 4 more liberal induce :
ment could not be offered. Norr,stoOn
Herald
| After Griswold street barber had fin
shed shaving stranger yesterday the
man asked what the charge was, and when
| told that it was ten cents. he asked:
Don't you have any wholesale rates
Wouldn't you give me three shaves for
twenty-five cents2"
Yes. l reckon ] could do dat"
Then go ahead and shave me twice
more p said the stranger. as be climbed
| back into the chair.
| The barber lathered, shaved, recombed
his hair, and cried Brush" and the man
| reseated himself and took third shave
without word His face had "a lobster
color when he got through. but he handed
out q quarter and said:
L don't know but it would have been
better to have taken seven shaves for half
| dollar, but this will do Just now DE.
troit Free Press,
A day or two ago woman entered a
telegraph office and said to the receiver of
messages that she desired to telegraph
| her husband, who was in Chicago, for
money. He pointed her to the counter
supplied with blanks. and told her the
rate for ten words. She struggled away
for quarter of an hour and then handed
in the following:
Noa't you please send ne $40 by next
mail?p -
i don't know whether that viii. do or
not, !" she said, az she felt fer her money.
IF you were TO receive such dispatch
from your wife would you forward the
money!" '.~ 80
"Wel-well, L might = DO replied in
| doubtful tones. 80 .---- .--.
"Now you wait don't like the dispatch
at all, because I,tried to keep il within ten
| words I'll write anotheF.
| She tore it up, walked ayer 80 the count
er, aud in thyee minutes handed in new
one, reading:
Am out Of food aud fael, and want ten
dollars as soon as vcu can get it herel If
you can't spare it III spout the parlor car
petp'
| That would bring tho money from me. -
said ts.s Teceises, as he READ the lines and
marked the number of words.
| Then | guess it viii from him. Send it
along, snd if | dom get the money inside
of two days you'll hear somebody ripping
up forty yards of Brussels carpet offf-fhe'
Ihoor!'