Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-12-04
HumorS of the Telegraph

The majority of the reading, and all
of the educated world are familiar with
the accepted theories regarding elec-
tricity, and with the application of these
theories by which we have the tele-
graph. But comparatively few have
lifted the veil of the temple and wit
messed the peculiar results of its practi-
cal working. And these are the en-
ployees OF the companies whose business
it is TO control and make use of the
mysterious agency and wonder-work-
ing wires" for the convenience and hap
piness of the public.
In the history of the Western Union
company | recall but two instances of
the known betrayal by operators of the
contents of important messages among
the millions Of opportunities and in
ducements offered.
In no other business are mistakes more
common. or for many reasons so excusa-
bic. For instance, compositor or n
copyist has his manuscript TO easily con-
suit, and, to q certain extent, Is mas
ter of his own time; but an OPERATOR :
time, especially If receiving n message,
is governed by the one at the other end
of the line, and he must depend for ac-
curacy upon the correctness Of his ear
and memory. Nearly every one has
read of the indignation of that father
who received message that his sickly
daughter, who was absent at school,
had child this morning." and the
subsequent appcasal of his wrath upon
finding ort that the original message
read "chill," not child" Not long
ago certain charitable institution was
considerably mystitied by message ask
ing for the whereabouts of Monkey
Wrench" The inquiry was instantly
changed 10 Mother FRENCH how
ever, upon being returned to the tele-
graph company for explanation, and
apology made for the unintentional
blunder. II was. | think. the same
operator who, in taking an Associated
Press article, innOcently spoke of MRS.
Herman" as secretary of the treasury
n sudden advance in woman's rights to
which the secretary, Mr.. Sherman,
would doubtless object. And n peace
full family circle ought not to be sur
prised, as 1t was, by receiving the fol-
lowing: John is dead beat. Depot
this evening when n correct transmits
sion of the dispatch would have rendered
It, John is dead. BE at depot this
evening" recall another family
agitated by the telegraphic information
that Brother lied last night" only to
ultimately find out that he had departed
life instead of truth.
Some time since n message transmit
ting the intelligence that 1.-THE Presby
terry lacked n quorum to ordain, caused
prodigious amount of ecclesiastical
wonderment and dismay on reaching its
destination by announcing that "the
Presbytery tncked worm on 10 Adam.
Comment Is unnecessary.
The worthy and sedate DIR. Blank. OF
one of our eastern colleges. once accepted
an invitation to lecture in n western
city. His letter of acceptance, appoint
ing IN early date, omitted TO state the
subject OF his discourse, and, TO adver
tiso in advance. the committee was
Obliged TO telegraph him. requesting his
subject They were somewhat astoR-
ished at his reply, but not thinking of
the possibility of mistake, handed IL
over to the only daily paper, which in \
highly eulOgistic but misleading article
advised all its readers to hear Rev. DIR.
Blank deliver his celebrated and ex-
trgmely humorous lecture-sublcct: "a
Flea for Activity" The Doctor arrived
too late to have the announcement
changed 10 what IL shonld have been
"a Plea for Activity "-and the result
was disappointed house and grieved
lecturer.
The mistakes OF the telegraph, often
provoking and sometimes amusing. are
occasionally in their results Of great inn
portance. II was not long ago thaa n
wheat speculator in Chicago made SEQ
900 by small order being accidentally
changed to nm immensely large one. l
believe he has made no complaint. Had
the market turned the other way though
Some years ago the daughter Of . we'll
known citizen Of central New York.
named Jennie, had unfortunately. - the
father then thought, formed an attach.
ment for young man named John. To
separate them the father cent her to
spend the winter with married sister,
Mary, who resided in New York.
Spring approached and Jennie was ex-
pccted home on q certain day, but. in
stead, the father received letter from
his son-in-law desiring that she might
remain while longer 30 that MS wife
could accompany him on short south
erD trip, and requesting an answerl BY