New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-05-07
WHOLE NUMBER Il.
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

NEVER ask aims Of q one-armed man.
He hasn't any to spare. Ddpbary
NetCS.
The Legislature Of Delaware di-
vorced thirty-four married couples at
its recent session.
AMAN convicted Of perjury in Ala.
bama was pardoned because Of his
wife's services in yellow fever.
A swEET-slNGING, bald-headed cana
~ died in Portland, N. B., the other
day. at the advanced age Of twenty
years.
Two FOR scent" as the drug
clerk said when q young couple en-.
tered the store and asked for q bottle
of cologne.
The Cincinnati Commercial finds
cause to causticallv remark that every
day Of the week is to the paragrapher
q Saturday.
A CINCINNATI dentist broke q seven-
year-old child's jaw in drawing a tooth,
and has been sued by its father for
$4,000 damages.
PERvERsE human nature makes it
common to pull down mans good
name while he lives. and build It up
after he is dead.-N. O. hicayune.
A BOOK agen: was knocked down by
. street-car, the other day, and two
wheels passed over his cheek. The
car is laid up, pending repairs. -Hawk-
Eye.
A WAC, who was also philosopher,
once said that if some mems bodies
were no straighter than their minds
they would be crooked enough to ride
on their own backs.
A wELL-KNowN minister at AM
herst, Mass, rose from his kness at
recent evening meeting in the middle
of prayer, and soundly censured per-
sons who were whispering in the rear
OF the vestry, and then returned to his
praying.-N. y. Evening Post
DRILLING her class in poetry, the
teacher quoted from the familiar lines
of Tennyson: you must wake and
call me early, call me early, mother
dear" Now" she asked, "why did
the girl want to be called earlyp"
Don't KNOW" replied Tommy, "un-
less it was because that was her name."
A coLoRED firm of Chicago recently
dissolved partnership. and posted the
following notice to the public: "De
dissolution of coparsnips he"etofo re-
sisting betwixt me and Mose Jones, in
de barber profession, am heretofo dis
solved. Pussons who owe must pay to
de subscriber. Dem what de firm ose
must call on Jones, us de firm is in-
solved
A REsTAURATEUR at Berlin has de-
vised an ingenious plan for keeping his
place free from beggars, street null
sances, deadbeats, and other undesira-
BILE customers. He just puts police
mans hat on q table near the door, and
when the undesirable customer looks
in it meets his fascinated gaze. and he
closes the door gently and departs hold.
ing his breath.
The Greeks characterized human
follies and absurdities by such phrases
as ''he plows the air. s. he is making
clothes for iishes;'' ''he catches the
wind with a net;'' he roasts snow in
furnace she holds q, looking-glass
to mole;'' che is teaching iron to
swim;'' :" he is teaching pig to play
Ou ~ uuVCS lC StChS WOOI I'll kll0 S10Ss
''he washes the Ethiopian"
A COLLEGE professor, while on his
way to Mott Haven by the Harlem
Railroad with his wife and another
lady, was joined by friend. Turning
to the lady with him, the professor
said: "What shall dop l have only
three tickets, and this gentleman
makes our party FOUR "Oh," said
the lady, "give the three tickets to the
conductor. Don't you know three OF a
kind will take two pairs. IN. Y. Paper.
The small boy Of clergyman in
Portland, Me-, was detected by his
mother in the act of "ornamenting''
with his jack-knife costly inlaid table
by deeply cut carving Of his ideal
steamboat. A day or two after the
lady saw him from the door looking
with admiring eyes at his partially
completed work, and heard him sigh:
By George! l wish l had got the
smOkestack on before she licked me.''
A NV MILFORD man pulls his teeth
with q fat-iron. This is simple and
effective He ties the tooth with wax
end to the tlat-iron and then filings the
latter. We once knew man who did
this with plowsharc. He threw the
pl0wshare over barn, but, being
neavy, the momentum was too great
for hispower of resistance, and he went
over the barn with it, hurting himself
severely on the ridge-pole. Dant4ry
NeOs.
An amusing little episode in connec-
T. tim NUifh knn rskcopuo moo ~ II Er,n1a1
Day occurred in Boston. On enc Of
the principal thoroughfares two team
sters had left their teams standing,
with the tailboards touching. Two
fun-loving clerks in q hardware store
in the immediate vicinity conceived
the idea of chaining these teams to-
gether, which idea YVES promptly car
ried out. Soon the drivers returned,
and not noticing what had been done
to their teams, mounted the seats and
with q Simultaneous git proceeded
to start of. The start, of course, did
not take place. One of the drivers,
loLaing around and discovering the
difficulty. get down and undoing the
chain, which was worth eight or ten
dollars, threw it into his wagon, and
both teams Immediately drove Of,
amid the frantic calls Of the clerks to
return the chain. As both the team.
sters are unknown to the clerks, il is
more than probable that their salaries
will be diminished just the value Of that
chain Worcester lMass } Spy.
PITTsBURG, Pa. produces more than
halt the glass made In the Upited