The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-11-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A put up job-Canning peaches.
A great tale bearer-The peacock.
A question of time--Asking the hour.
Sound logic-Arguing through the telephone
Amatchlcss story-One in which there are nc
weddings.
Concentrated lic--The circular OF the Ottawa
Young Mems Rep. Club
Highest neutrality-suspicious. from the gal
lery.
The lap of luxury-When the cat gets cream
The weather clerk continues to draw it mild
Massachusetts Sunday schools teach that the
first man was Adams.
Cyprus is about us large as Connecticut. IL
ANYTHING, Connecticut is a nutmeg greater
The editor wrote: "Wabash county has but
four papers," but when the compositor set 1t up
"four paupers" the editor said 1t was all the
same.
The wife OF Philadelphia who had his life
heavily insured set his death down to profit and
loss.
Te,apora mltant,u.--Formerly the foolish vir-
gins had no oil; now the foolish virgins are too
II makes the Fifth avenue belle crazy to know
that Jupiter is at present sporting a belt eight
thousand miles wide.
Grants boom is making SO much noise that
John Sherman has to hold his boom to his ear to
find out if it is going. -Rocttord Sunday He'dtd
The ordinary life of locomotive is thirty years.
No doubt it would live much longer If it didn't
smoke so much
The foreign specie receipts at New York last
week were s5,3sS, S25 and over seven millions
more are on the way. We have sent to Pittsburg
for larger safe.
Professor-Now | ask you as a practical miner
what spade do you think is the very bestg Third
Year Man (scornfully)-Why the ace, of course.
Sensation. III.
Josh Billings remarks: 81 don't take any fool
ish chances. II WAS called upon to mourn over
q dead mule, would stand in front OF him and
do my weeping"
it is very remarkable how hand-organ can keep
manned soldiers looking 30 young.-Os1Wgo Rec
ord.
The male members Of the Chicago Church
Choir "Pnafore" Company wenton boisterous
the Sentinel, it's nice church choir party"
A Pittsburgh paper, in quoting the vital statis-
tics Of Philadelphia, says: "Of the births, 1885
were children" Is dot 70.
An exchange has an article on " How TO run
newspaper This should be read only by edi-
tors, as every other person in the world knows
just how newspaper ought to be run.-Ea.
Boston commercial traveller who was in San
Francisco the day that General Grant arrived, has
Just discovered that the demonstration was not
on his 0he Boston man's) account
When coored man ut the south gets COW.
hided for being in white mans chicken house
after dark, says the Courfer-J Journal, he sends
word TO the New York Tribune that he was there
as a republican for political purposes, and that
periodical announces another brutal outrage.
"If Lincoln had not died." exclaimed politi-
cal orator, "wlat would he have been to.day?'
"Alive," sadly ventured timid looking man on
back seat, and the tide Of eloquence was NOM
entarily checked.
IT'S night. Two lovers lean
Upon the gate
\ nearing form Is seen
1t is their fate.
piercing scream from her
The welkin rent.
IL was, as you infer,
Her pari-ent.
The lover sought to scoot,
Alasl too late.
He's hoisted with boot
Beyond the gate. World.
The boy who substitutes living for n dead
hornet in the collection of near-sighted ento-
nslys 81 Il
show him where the insects sting is located
should be held responsible for any rrclis ious
timents the victim may advance.
There has been no unusual slaughter OF type
settlers in Chicago but the publishers there have
had serious proy0caton. The Jou,ndlin recent
allusion to the "holy Of holes" was made to say
"baby Of babies" and the 1ri,,me was made to
refer TO the panlc-stricken citizens Of Memphis"
as the prairie chicken citizens This equals the
case mentioned by the n. Y World Of the tcle
grapher who sent Taylors Heart of Leal! can
this be dying?" as Heart of Lead! can this he
lyngl" or the New Haven paper which, in pub.
fishing sermon, made the clergyman cry: "Is
there no barn in GuIfordy"
'Didst ever feel, my love-" said he
The twain meath starbeams stroling-
. \ thrill no tongue can e'er express.
Aud yet It's vain controlling,
something that o'erwhelws the soul
And quite oercomes the senses,
A ceascless thrOb that through each vein |,
Its influences dispensesg
Canst tell me what il is, my own?n
Then fOndy looked he at her
"ln course, you goose" she tartly said, II
ITS corns that's what's the mattcry"
-YonkerS Gdzette
In Caudahar when Young woman becomes
sweet on young man she sends him HAIR pin
nearing, " that is the kind of q hGir-pin am"
II the young man is like Barkis, he pins hand
kerchief IN his cap with the hair.pin, signifying
You can bet your sweet life | am on il worse
than an lnjun." This amounts to an engage
ment and notification TO all the folks Of the fact
and then they get married. This plain and sim
pie way of doing the business saves a deal Of