The Princeton union., 1879-09-24
WIT AND HUMOR.
One out of a hundred--99.
living in vein-The blood.

olnsuiar--Io see garden walk.
The last resOrt-A shocmaker's shop.
Old gentleman's wills-Brandy and
water.
s, Isn't our national anthem written in
Amerry-kee9
House flies are "spec"- -ulatlng exten-
sively in window-glass.
The dentists in convention agree to pull
together for another year.
suspiclous-A sausage maker adver-
tlscs his wares as "dog Cheap
Moses never had the gout. This was
one Of the missed aches of Moses.
No bald-headed man was ever convert,
ca by sermon during the fly season.
"All the worlds a STAGE" and all the
men and women want to ride on top.
1T is no sign that hen meditates evil
to her owner simply because she lays for
him.
The man afraid OF tramps has tied up
his dog and put up notice, "I.sborer
wanted"
An Eastern man advises his dissolute
son to ''go West and run down with the
country am u...-....
There are a great many people who
Will never 60 to heaven unless thew can
go at excursion rates.
Ninety and nine folks out of hundred
make mistake when they cut of dogs
tall. They preserve the wrong end.
There is a man in this city who has
Deen angry tor thirty years on stretch.
1t is the worst case Of standing choler
that we ever knew. -..-- ,
A tombstone with simple cucumber
carved upon it is Oftentimes more express
I've than one with ten thousand lines of
obituary poetry.
The man who got into barber-chair,
pinned the newspaper around his neck
and began to read the towel NAV Justly
be called absent-minded.
An Englishman of the world, speaking
OF l,avlng great many flowers on din
ner table, says: "No one can be fonder
OF flowers than l AMIN their proper
place, but do not care about dining in
hot-house."
Inc hev. MI was called upon to
marry man to his fourth wife. As soon
as he approached the couple he said:
''Please to rise" The man wiggled
about in his chair a morent and tinall,
spoke: "We've usually sot!" :
''He had frugal mind" Mourner
docking at gloves handed him by the
undertaker): "Look here, shan't wear
'em at the ground. Couldn't you stand a
pair af slate -colored instead?" Under.
taker: Very sorry, sir. but we never do
anything in 'mitigatedr'
A park policeman, seeing a vel ow dog
near two handsomely dressed women, .i,-
Proaches respectfully and says: Does
this beauchiful little creachure belong to
you, ladies2" "Mercy, no!' Park police
man Qiftlng his cane)-Get out o. here,
you beast"
The baseball fever is raging in Rhode
Island. The only difficulty in playing
the game there is that the centre and
right tielders have to stand in Massachu-
setts and the left in Connecticut, while
the catcher is in constant danger of back
ing off into the Atlantic ocean.
The man that would kick another out
OF his store or office for advising him
how to run his business can be seen after
working hours strOlllng round toward the
printing-oftice, filled full Of suggestions
to offer the editor, as to the proper meth
od of conducting a newspaper.
A Farmers I.ogic.-Farmer Giles: Re-
spcct his theological oplnionsl Why,
look ere, mum! He was a looking at that
there field of oats o'mlne the other day,
and he sez, sez he, THAT there's a nice
lot oyoung aolseat you've got, Mr.. Giles"
sez he! There's a theological opinion for
ye!
Rev. Mr.. Pogson of Bridgeport is the
father OF a boy who will probably dis
tinguisll himself. The evening before
the last circus in that city the reverend
gentleman was talking to his son about
the beauties of heaven. when the child
suddenly observed, ''Papa, let's drop
heaven and talk CIRCUS"
9 A Bridgeport girl got button in her
CAT some years ago, anu has had terrible
attacks of headache since. As NO one
knew button was in her ear, the excel
lent idea of pushing button-hole into
the other ear did not occur to her friends,
and the button remained there until the
other day, when 1t fell out of its own ac-
cord.
=. slow came these holes in your el-
cbows?n' said the widow Smith to the ire
pressible small boy. "Oh, mother. I hid
behind the sofa when little Jack Horner
was sayin' to our julie that he d take her,
even if you had to be throan in; and he
didn't know was there, and so held in
and laughed IN my sleeves till l burst
EN-" - - - -@ IL !. 1872 .-.
A little squ1nt-cyed Chicag, boy pranc-
= d up to his mothcr,apd said: "Ma, ,haln't
been realsgood since vc begun goin' to
Sunday -school9'$ "Ycs, my lamb an
swcred the maternal, fondly. 'And you
trust me now don't you, mat" YES,
darling" "Thcn,'' spoke up the little
innocent, "what makes you keep the
cookies locked up in the drawer the same
as usual. -
New beauty (universc>l as yet in the
mysteries of high life): "Whos that
wonderful old gcntlemani" The captain
''Sir Disby dc Ripby, a Hampshire bar
Onet: one Of the oldest in Enu1and Ia,nos