davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1879-01-24
SNOW INSTEAD or tMUD,

There are very few people 70 constituted
that shey Gun view the vagaries Of the weather
with tho calm commitment Of the Shepherd
Of Salisbury Plain, who was satisfied with
whatever pleased Cop. There are some peo-
pie whom no weather suits, In summer 1t
il always too hot; In w!uter It IL always too
cold; in spring they wish 1t WIS autumn /;
aud iu aatu,nn they wish 1t was spring.
Some are chronic croakera at the weather
without my special reason, while otlers se-
lect It I'll tie receptacle for their discomfort
with other things, using It for tho sa1no pur-
pose that Lont Dundreary used lis servant.
'rhey neyer consider the co,npensations Of
the weather. or recognize that Nature always
oIsets, aud In the long Tuu tAows admirable
| averages.
Tho change Of the season frou. last win.
ter to this illustrates this general principle.
Inst winter the country w;aa in tho muddy
| slough OF lespond. Tho farmers wers mud.
bound. The zoads were inpassable. Their
proluca sotted on their haud4 because thoy
could not haul 1t to market They coul1
hardly get tbs necessary supplies far tlei,
own consumption. They were shut oa fpQp
railroad stations and cities as eGsctualiy q Il
they had bcsn Quarantined under police reg
ulations. Their whole talk was o{ drainin{
their roads, improving methods VI translsor
tation, litctipg, dikiug, filing, ant
paving. The newspapers werc full @
plans. AL kinds Of suggestions wes'
thrown out for the consideration 0
, 1879-01-24

About thirty Princeton students we're over to
Trenton, ten miles from the college, Saturday
night. There they got drunk, made hfdeous
noises, md lnsulted number Of women. The
result waa that twenty. y.iour Of them were locked
up an! fined. The youog men, OF course, arc
deeply injured. declaring that they were drtv-
Ing about the town In quiet md respectable
way, and the college authorities support them.
But thc7 needn't expect men who have been to
college, and know how thoss things are done, anu
how they arc represented attcrward, TO take
much stock in the tale Of injured innocence.
, 1879-01-24

shonld he taken In twcnty-four hours. a bot
tic ot stout or porter contains about thls a,lnn-
tltv Of alcohol; all imperial pint Of champagne has
twice too much ateohol for safe drinking; and
pint Of port, sherry, or Madeira, three and one
thir,l times too much. An ounce Of alcohol Is
contained In two ounces and quarter for four
and ono half tablcspoonsful} Of brnndy, whlskr,
or rim. This an,ornt of alcohol, II taken only
with the evening meal, would not, thc physt-
clans hold. be Injurious to pcrfons In mtddle
life OF old ARc.
, 1879-01-24

Tho Florida election cases tried In tho
United States Circuit Court are turning out
very bndly for the Democratic officers charged
with making false returns, Three OF them,
comprising tho Brcvara County Canyassing
Boarl, vera yosterday sentenced by Judge
SETTLE at Jacksonville, lc,-LrE, the County
Clark, and a1so State Senator from Brovartl
County, getting thrce years, and Wn1our and
JOINS, Sheriff and Justice Of tho Pence re-
spectively, ono year each IN the Peuitentiary
nt Albany, N. Y. The remaining trials hare
been postponed until tho Mny term.
, 1879-01-24

ets JAMES MfArnEsoH, whose denth was re-
Gently reported, was the second largest landed
proprietor In the British Isles and the richest
subject IN Scotland. In boyhood he accepted
c!crkshiy in Calcutta, md was dismissed as
"too stupid cvcn for traae." fIo got another
trial In the China branch Of Ills first employers
business, ind tnailc splendid fortune. He was
the sole proprietor Of the Island Of Lcwcs, and
tltd not get on happily with bis subjects, who
could neycr bo made to understand that bis In
tenttone really wese benevolent.
, 1879-01-24

enough, tho Democrats, with tho exception
OF Gen. 1}urLrn, who refrained from voting
eithor way, united in laying this resolution
on tho table. The old man Of dramercy
Park is to bo left unprotected while his emo
m;cs are damaging bis chances for success in
fH90
, 1879-01-24

TIN cntcAoo Tn1nrxE has established branch otuets
for The receipt Of subscriptions Aaa aa'e'a'c@ ="
faIiows: .,.
NEW YonK-Hoou, 70 Tribune pnfld'nz. F.T'Mo'
Apprx. Manager. ..r..
PARIS, France-So 10 Rue dc II ufAnee'hsteHese'
1i.MAnLEn. Agent. . .4
LONDON, Enx.-Amertcan E1ehanSo, 90 hsfaaa'
NIxnn1 r. GlLIfu. Agent.
6AN FRANCISCO. Cal.-ralate ffotef
WASHINGTON, D. C,-So. 1919 street.
, 1879-01-24

~ 49, Hof ' =,
pct Iian Tor getting rid OF mna. IN 'ne
meantime tllo hhrvcst came win us ao"h.
dant wealth. aud Mature then silently IN"
spoed'ly solved tho problem oy tenpof"t''y
paving all the roads with Tho oost pasemon'
ever known Tor quick and easy sfahspo!'a-
tton. llsving firat depositcd her material.
few cold days hardened II, anu no" 10.
nearly two months tho farmers h"'o haa
roada IN splendid condition Tor haahns' ana
they have improved their opportunities "a'
til tue great elevators ana watenoueeA are
Dnrs''nR with plenty anu tne t"''Fonaa a'o
chokea up win BUSINESS anu eom'ne,.o M'.o
cries HOG enough. linus H"'nto oAse''
her enursshneea oi 'es' "'n.e' W 'le eons'
os'ts OF tn'a' has'ng prosiaeo eFe"' efop
1uss "nen IL ~"a neeaea, sue next r'o''us7
she eaaest ana srcedIost facilities LOT NOV.
ing II, aoa 10 inc farmers "ea''n' 'e'.ses
trade IN tho gre"t railroad centres, provinces
WORK 1of the unemployed, se1a all Tue "4.ee'S
OF business tn NOTION ana once moro s.ln'a.
lasos INDUSTRY anu points the why 10 P'os'
pef1ty' ..
, 1879-01-24

The Trustees Of tile LICK cstato doubt whether
they can gct the big telescope ready for the
next transit OF Venus, which takes place In
1852, but they prumiso 1t for the next but one,
which, will not oecur until June i, 3o04. .THH
TRluusB has cngaged special commissioners for
both events, md Will make club-rates to sub
seriDcre for tic long torn.
, 1879-01-24

Chief JANIS W. HAnnisog, OF the National
Donrd Of Fire Underwriters, saya tint u New
York Is tho worss-bullt city In the world"
This Ia really bad-nuch worse than VIC sup
posed. II tl,crs's anything the Chicago Build
Ing Department or tho Chicago Flre-bfarshal
eau give New York In thu way Of points, NC
hopc tho 1forld will montfun It.
, 1879-01-24

Both tho Colorado 8cnaturs-TELLEH ansl
HlIi-aru natives Of New York. 80 there
ought to be no moro growlfng about the dls-
proporttonate representation Of tho Empire
8tatu ID the Senate,
, 1879-01-24

a..., ~,... ~ ,;1-n H.. rJor t.sror coxr.,ro
.""4 e"'A =, '.n:,,.,..,.,. ~. 49,,
~ 4veo A's ~. =. s.saa..,,.. .,..o. ill.,,
b'ea% .A ,,,, a9' - ,. e.. ~ -
~ es'1 ~ C's 49, -. ,.s,,o e..
"'o4 .A ~ :. -,
te1s'na, ~ "a ~ s - s" s.,a.oa.aa - nnaes;.
.:A~ .:I. I,,,. 40 - N.I ..,se1 IT,. a.
''vn "atu ~" u..,,. .,!s:,;s" -,>,.Iu ..s,5.
4n'1eu "r ~ e'e' - ~. W.. ..o,.,',. 49,,
VI my ''ae' y, 'uo 1so ~ -
noase'' i'e a'o not a..'nu .uo '"'."u...1ns
,'c"' w WV Nv ~ ~ o@Pa 80 =. ..,.,,
n5''u''n"' "'.e VT" -. ~.
tno 'a'o'es' 10 ~, s'oa'" ~ w'....s . ,s, M :.
~ ~ ''.u1 nv, ."l.; -. wy 1. w .'su.a.,. -,
u'en' ""5 - 49, oo"A-'' A
..o euo vw'o,.a n.e1. 1,a..~,.,..
NV PoAs =, - ~" -, rH'.,...
u'spa'o sno .aSs y. ~. oA'A'os' - "@
.nat ios' Ao "ose ~ nm
'o'.uuh.eV a1pu''s ,'.o1a' ,,, =" ,' '
unae5 os1'' AsiAons uol1,a'"'1a'' ''s,,.' l'"a
IN =. every nsnnen ol I'M s'1us' ".'o a."n as.s y
a'seose'eu' p'o'cn 80 uo, a'. a.a a"a ~ =. ,"..es
leco'ef'e' Hessee"',k '"1s 'a,n ~ 4n'Dt
~ s'o''n to'su". -. wv. ~. .,.sa. s..x,,.
asct 's"of fA.so =. 'n' no'o'.'' sA''' -'aaNa ..
ha'e ga'neo: We l'o'ns A'!' ~ 1'or''ns
'",e'y ne4a ~ s"e ny ~ ~" ' .,,... .ss "s
WHICH ono el'ea.es 1aA"' D"4.e'o 'a"s NV
eus.on-n -nouso '''s oeeu 'os'oA n1oa ~ W.T., ~.
70 e'toua'1S'ens" 'ok 1en yoAAe. o's M
eosKalH" aeny '''a' aie''''o e"'eo - ''a'1 >,
nhSe pson 1uo"N. w t''.' @ ~, 80. W.
'e.e a'selosoies ~ tssa,u ~ - s,1,s.' y, .,.s
"ne3e'n ~ "aa s"o"n 4n". 4of 5t',t' ~ ~
a'e. qan.ts H,u e.o'.s ars. ',s-.1., ' ac
Poft u W." LUZ i"u 'ee. uaa,' 'sAuoo ..
Pes cunt .nua soup'ns sAo oo's' "'s'. .,'".
iour.a - ~ ra,r.'" '.;..a;.'
astlc'o' ooes "t. NAAo "M 1'a'44
that sno a 1.'1;", L., .., ~ s,.;,:..'
ARTHUR was cnaf"etef'1oA - y, ''so' ao'A' -.
"'soo'n, nut. seouo'nJ w u'spuso Nv
pfopos't'on III 'sea5 o'4u,'4' aAo WV ~. w
reports o! sne s1f eoniln'As'on -, W i,o'' @.At
n's NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. WIS a.s''"so'n"." 1es
"eaknesa' .ne.as,ehos' ana ~, uF,1on -. ~
oSe,5 o'""eA ~ ~ 49,, n..
u.,r md u1sps Commission, And II AIr,
conxt1.a WANTS mora light inter- studying
| :, ri L.. III
, 1879-01-24

We print below the text Of the most mo-
montona piece Of national legislation that
has boon ndopted for many yoara. It Ia tho
bill granting arrearago gratuitics In al pen-
sions heretofore provided for and hereafter
to DO admitted, aud dating thou, back to tho
discharge from tho army OF from tho termi-
nation Of the right Of tho person having prior
title 10 such pension. This bill. which only
needs tho signature Of tho President to be-
como a Inv, will odd MI accumulation Of
pension for from one to sayeuteen yeara TO
the CLAIM, Of every individual now on tho
penaiou-rolls, and every ono Of tho many
thousands who aro seeking q place uaero,
md all who may hereafter be admitted; and,
~ affecting Ho large c1ass of citizens mud
involving 60 enormous d sum of public
money, 1t is proper that tho measure should
receive the widest possible publicity. Tho
bill III as follows:
''Au act to provide that all pensions on account
OF death, or wounds received or diseases con-
tsactcd In tho service Of tue United States dunnK
tho laie War Ut the Rebellion, which haye been
granted or which ahal hereafter be granted, shall
commence from thu date of death OF discharge from
tic service Of the United States for tho payment Of
arrears OF pensions and Other purposes.
| we 1t enacted, etc.. Tint ali punsions which
h,,o hcon 9.ontc, nrrr lin pencr.t law rcvulntinr
pensions, or may hereafter he granted, In eonse-
nu"nr. NJ drnth tro,n raunes which nrIunntat, in
t.n Itn,tra natan ,rrxicn din ring &hs latn ar Of
~. i,ah.,Itor -, In ron,cnucnr, Of woupas jntu.
ia. r., di.e,,c, rec,,yed or In .aid anrx
IN. lu,n, ..Id W.y nf the 1frbc11ion. sbn, rom.
meme, t,.,o ,ho 1ato of d,scharya from .a,i serv
~ ~ ,h, u,r.on an wbo.a account tho clam, has
49,, ,,sv har.ott., M 1,+.ntsd ~ f,n,n lin t.r
natIOn Of tho right Ut {u party h0yux ptiUr titlu
~ .ci, ncn.tnn. ,rarl,,d tha rs,o al tbe nru,tnn
fn+ thn ,ntorxcuiny timo for which srreaya Of
.1.r. nrs hsrchv nrontra .hall bo Tho ann nrr
| mcnth Tar ,vtirh Tho pension wa originally
eruntca.
..sxr That TIM conu,s.,oncr n, pen,1ons |.
ho,rbv nuthnr1ri and directed Il, adunt .uch ru,c.
and r.n,s,inn. f,r ,nn n.yment of srre.rs a, uen.
s.ns hrrrhy v,sntad a. will ba pnre,sary IN causo
to b. paii to such pensioners, o. Ii lhs pension.
Ct. shall have died. 10 ,he person or person. su.
Tilted to tho saus. al sush sFtears Of pension a,
ns vi. ma' ~ VI "oa' A'' 's' '''''''
..sxr. .. Tia. see. 4.717, Rsy,ued Statutes.
whica provides that ~ claim for penslut not prusc
rutcd to successful issae within bss years fEou
tue aata OF aAos 1ae same eaa.l 90 aon''tsea Win
ur urtm.n, af ,ho n,nrs q. ai.es'e ,rnc, rc:,lc.
IL ths inability or death Of tho per.on .,
whose account tho claim H. made; prosla*d
that IN any ca'c on which tns limitation
p's.sss'sa " .n's sss'sn ,s ua's .a'e'ss paos
, 1879-01-24
HOllANDERS H0llERlhG.

GnAHD KAPlps, Mich, jau a3.-Tbe Hol-
laalcrs Of our city, several thousand In num-
ter, haye been celebrating the three hundreth
anniversary Of the unlou Ut Utrecht. the Dutch
InIcpenueuce Day, this AFTERNOON aud evening.
Il las BEEN lin. asfIF,
, 1879-01-24

W. E. FoNsrER, thu eminent Liberal member
OF Parliament, has announced bis refusal to
submit to tho rules Of the Bradford caucus.
THIS 10 blow to the new Association, for It
eect,e tolcrabiY certain TINT, II Mr. FoRsTRR re-
fuses to ruu, 10 uthcr Libaral can bo elected.
, 1879-01-24
OLD STALE CLAIMS AGA1NsT THE STATE.

o1o e4A.H , s1n.ne non,NsA 41A@s s." :. a
c"'ia "B.."s. 'no ~. ,,',',.,. -.
o1 t.o i'ooS .o'as'"o'o o11 s~. 49,.
Yentaons .n0s arc hno"n enu1t oo' oo'e."
,aon'' nnefo "te e,"'m, "s.a' 1""as
oa.'sa o."',e "" p,uos ~ Ds ~. nsea,,
"'''e4 " us'e oAeA ~ s.o ny -. it, ivy.
t.oa An'ro - @'o o'"''A" ". III. ,,.
s'eo ~ iu.' e'A5 a'"'a "e't "ns ~
oeo" se'l'e't ~ iuA '1 W., .""u vaso Ussa"s a
."en' u.e "4'''A "A' o'"4 .o' ~,
oo'hauu'nB s'"as.. a"'ns W. ~" ''
"ne.7 t!"'. "o.e ~. ..o'."s" o''e.
iuo o.n,e .m ~ l..o's .r, ouso ous" nr,':s ~
my ~" A"'no's A. 'i'.''s"" o"uA1. ~" W."
IN 'ue gfe"s 'nsesnaa.nnpsoFs ,,' m va W.
!o1e 'ne p"o'o u .oo'' Ane a.Aso pesaa'o .a'o
'nboi'ent' anu "usN "t' % 7asp',a.a. ., ~ , .e1~
OF .noFeaooutS TUG o'a'a aha ~ io'e!su
o1eui'ots fsao"ea ~ "'4""soiAo"' ~ ".A
tne 4"'tor spou'o '',''one. tuonoy e.'ouen
eon'p'o'o w" cau,''' "na ~ wv o'".o "s' ~
tufn oser 'no "oiA ~ ..u''eos' VIZ ~. "'.o ~
"pply tno eaAn'hss =. ~ ,""". ~ WV
peut ot 'no ps'oc'p"' VI 'no uso'' nno Wv
o.a3e was ~ pay sno 'neo,ess* 10 ass.s, nA,.r,
oi COURSE Hauo no" eoA'tao's y, .t'' n"'''e,
the WORE as 'no least poss'o'e eos,' al'a
IN ouo ''1'o 'Ie's o'Ds "aa pn'a Anu
tho e"hn' 3e'oF'ca " '1,e o'A'o' ." o'l.o
tnefa was oe'nanu lur uaa"s's " ho'ae
OF apeeolasosa' s'9a''o'7 " eoA.,a''e aa "slo
"s9eu' 7".R'" 1ossse - toAs ".
"ou'o nn'o ooe'4 4a'tt'o "ao '"o '. 1'., ns ~.
heeh oanxfapt "nu nao Gohs VI "''a .uo
WORK. ano a!legoa 'osSoS W sun'A se''l' ".''en
tue contfActofs Ia" 1eceisco ~ Pay"!ea' 4oi
, 1879-01-24

RICHARD GRANT Wn1TA will fall down and
worship almost anything In England, but in the
new Aslaat'c he,ab'lscs the architecture OF the
London churches, not excepting the Abbey.
, 1879-01-24

ZACH CHANDLER Ia almost too good man to
got the Michigan scnatorshlp. lie returned thu
salasy-grab. Men lixe him have bceu shclyed IN
Illinois und Wisconsin.
, 1879-01-24

The publication Of tho story Of Mrs. KEW
LET, Of Port Huron, given In yeatertlny's
TRIBUNE, together with the recent reversal
by the Michigan Supreme Court Of tho vsr-
dict obtained by Mrs. NEWCOMER in her suit
against Dr.. VAN DEuaEa, has directed public
attention to the management Of the Insane
Asylum ut Kalamazoo, md tho necessity for q
thorough investigation by o committee OF
tho Legislature Is everywhere recognized.
The officers Of the Asylum will hardly laso
to oppose tho movement, and tho friends Of
those who alego tho 'pfliction Of torture
and atrocities upon inmntea Of tho Asylum
will tako good oaro that tho investigation
docs not lag for 1aok Of testimony in sup
port at the chargos. An impartial commit
too should DO appointed with Wow either
to viudicat!on il dosorvod, or severe punish
mcnt II the proof ahalt warrant It,
, 1879-01-24

rasfsrr}nvta tnnotinu nj ntfnwn Ab1e wall |
1;roe.o1 arfor+ ~ tb,a tind will IN tho and
s,,.o1y ~uccood
---.----
nrMncpATrc RESISTANCE TO |
REBEL CLAIMS.
Thoro is d prospect for very sarions
family row In tho badly y-united Democratic
party. There arc two melting causes for
tho impending disturbance. One is the |
urging Of Rebel c1aims by tho ConfederatoB,
and tho other tho tlemand Of the same ele-
ment that their Northern oliiee shall Sustain
them in tho notification Of the constitutional
amendments.
Tho controversy over Rcbel claims las
already become bitter enough 10 threaten a
permanent breach between Tho Northern
and Southern wings OF the Democratic party
, 1879-01-24

The New York Times aays that Senator CoNK-
LING Is t!mc.acrver. Read 1t ous OF thu party.
, 1879-01-24

wAunAss1A LODGE. NO. no. A. F.:t A.. NJ
Regular Com!nunicatton this tFr!syl eyeoinE nt Ma.
eunio Hail. No. ia AlDhroe.M lnsatlat!on of UfIctrs
j, c, tiUNELL, Secretary.
, 1879-01-24
SOCIETY MEETINGS.

ORIENTAL LODGE, NO. 81, A. r. ASD A. NJ
Hall III ss.-hpcclal Communication this Ts!.
os o4ss eesaa1s Invsd. If urss ss liz
+. il. TUCKER 6ccretaEy.
, 1879-01-24

Hhr1Iln's Theatre.
Clark street. opposite the Home. Variety en-
, 1879-01-24
ADJUSTMENTS.

nlcyickcra Theatre.
Madison street, between Dearborn and ststs' 83teo
Gushts."
, 1879-01-24

I1uoIcy'a Thentre.
nAndn1nh ftseet, t>tNecn Clark and tasAlte. III
sarement Of Joaeph Murphy. ''MAum Cre.H
, 1879-01-24

11AYfT1Js9 ThtAtFFs
Dearborn Gtrccf. corner Of Monroe. Engagement oi
Tier Mntesty's Opera. "Lea EInRuen0ts."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
ENA, MICHIGAN WEDNESDAY, APRIL o, 1879.

In San Augustin county, Texas,
when a gentleman desires to escort
lady to church, he writes her as
follows: "Compliments Of Mr.
to Miss; | respectfully So
licit your corporal system across
alluvial landscape that lies between
your fathers hospitable doinicile
and the sanctuary of God, there to
hear the expounding Of the Scrip
lures" The maiden replies: 81
will with pleasure allow you the
exquisite beatitude of escorting my
corporal system over the space Of
ground intervening between my
parental domicile and the cdilce
of divine worship when the dur
nal orb Of day shall have sought
her last resting place behind the
occidental hills"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
The Earth and Man.

The earth is but to the universe
as a grain of sand is to the sea-
shore, yet Insignificant rs it may
seem in such a comparison, it is,
nevertheless, when surveyed by
finite minds, a globe of no mean
proportions. This mundane sphere
contains 2,GG2 geographical cubic
miles. In the mere expression Of
figures no particular vastness may
here seem to be implied, but let
us analyze the proportions of q
cubic mile and our ideas will not
only alter in this respect, but we
will stand aghast at the magnitude
of this globe, which revolves with
such awful silence every 24 hours.
Imagine n chest or box 20 hav the
length, width and depth of but one
of these miles, and then let us see
what it would contain.
To begin, cast in all the facto-
ries, public building, monuments.
private dwellings, railways, nay,
everything that has been built by
man in America, add to that those
Of Asia, Africa and Australia, and
the work is but begun. Take up
the churches, towers and all other
structures in London, Paris, Berlin
Hamburger, St. Petersburg, Con.
stantinople-in in short. those oil
every city and town in Europe.
Add to that all the steamers and
vessels on the ocean. What is the
result! Our trunk is scarce hal
full.
Let us now avail ourselves Of the
human race. Pack them like her
ring in rows, aud put 10000 in g
row, 900 of these rows make one
stratum of 4S,O00,000-just room
enough for the Americans. Be
tween each layer Ito make n neat
job) let ms sprinkle straw and dry
leaves 30 feet between each layer
! (Which would require all there j:
in the worldl, and then pack in tho
100000 Of Australians and 49,
100000 Asiatics, and this will COM
plete the second stratum-and thus
continue until you have the re-
naming 600,000.000 Asiatics, and
the remainder of population, max
/ ing in all ,40u,000,000 in about 30
strata. Now the chest is about
half full, and it would require about
- times the number of men to I'll
the remaining space. What shall
we do to complete the work p
Happy Thought. Let us take the
animals. But oh cruel disappoint-
ment! even if we include the
whole living creation, our chest
will by no means be filed. And
all this is but one geographical Gu
bic mile, of which the earth con-
tains 2,6G2.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
"BeaconsReld and Ills"

A Boston man and his daughter
were sitting on the front piazza,
when the father requested his
daughter to read him the evening
paper.
"What shall l read aboutl''
querricd the Boston girl as she
opened the paper.
"Read the European news" re-
sponded the father.
The Boston girl began: at is
rumored that Beaconsfield viii not
accept the decoration of the"
and she blushed deep red and
stopped.
"Proceed," said the father after
a pause.
81 cannot" returned the Boston
girl, blushing still deeper.
"Why not" querier the father
in some surprise.
because | do not like TO-" re-
piled the Boston girl, painfully.
Nonsense" exclaimed the faith
err, sternly; "read the item, / tell
you"
The Boston girl caught up the
paper in desperation, stared at It
in a stony manner, attempted to
speak, and tainted dead away.
When she had been restored aud
the excitement had subsided, the
father took the paper out behind
the house, turned to the dreadful
item and read:
ut Is rumored that Beaconsneld
will not accept the garter"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

A new style of stocking is call
ed the Voltaire. Socll-rates would
have been a better name, as we
never did admire a stocking with
n taire at the end Of tn. \.
Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
ADVERTISING RATES.

ll.ne-s Cards one year, one dollar for every
Inc.
Local Notices ton ognts per line each insertion,
ard al notices continued for three months or
longer, "a discount of 20 pcr cent.
advertisements unaccompaniod hy written or
verbal directions will Dee published three months
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out he-
lurc expiration Of time, will be charged fun rates.
No panCr Discontinued until all arrcanges are
paid, except ~ the option Of tho publisher
Iunsicut advertisements must be paid in ad-
vance.
81 Toms, CASH. payable quarterly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

The editor of the Cincinnati Sat
urday Night discovered that his
girl wore two sets of gold mounted
false teeth, and he sat down and
wrote a poem entitled erich and
rare were the gums she wore"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
country.

An apothecary, in decorating for
Washington's birthday, placed a
Jar of calamus root in the show
window and labeled it "Sweet
Flag of my County, but no one
saw the point.-EX.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

"Tommy, my son, what is longi-
tude| "A clothes line, papa
"Prove it my son." because il
stretches from pole to pole."-EX.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

The telegraph is yet an infant
Boston Post.
But a very wiry one.-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
And well posted.-Frce Press.
And yet it is strung all over the
country.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

America has her peculiarity in
this respect, too. 1t is wonderful
how a rich papa improves a girls
looks.-Rochester Express.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

A lawyer who tried TO break a
mules will found ont that there is
such a thing as being too well heel
ed. A card now on his Office door
reads: "Will be back in three
weeks" s."-Cincinnati Commercial.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

A visitor observed to Mcissonier
that he seemed to have none Of his
own pictures. "Too dear, my dear
madam" said the great artist, 81
can't afford them"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

"Two of trade can never agree"
said the old adage. What nom
sense. How could they make n
trade unless they agreed ?--Boston
Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

This is the season of the year
when venerable hens enter their
second childhood, and are broiled
for spring chickens.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09
CONSUMPTION CUREDI

The undofHgncd, an Old rotircH phy siClnn, hnV-
ing been permaneutly cured OF the much drcadc cd
disease Consumption. by SIMPLE remedy, is
anxious TO make known TO his fellow-suffcrcls
the means OF cure 10 oil who desire n. he win
send copy OF the prescription used, Free OF
Charge, with directions for preparing and using
the same, which will he found sure curc for
Consumption, Cntarrh, bronchitis.
Asthma, Nervousness, ctc., etc., etc.
Address with stamp.
Dr. G. sTEvENs, BrookviIie. Ont.
365yi.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

"One bird does not make a
spring" says the Hartford Times.
One cat does, though, sometimes.
Boston Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1879-04-09

So close is the sympathy between
night and day, that after one falls
the other breaks. Free Press.