, 1879-08-03

music before tue police take him up for
being drunk and disordery, or the old
man busts his crust by dropping an iron stone
pitcher on his hcnd. Now, that makes 7, 500 600
pieces OF music worked off in the American Union
every year. Then there are the political cam
paigns; they consume fearful amount of melody.
Whenyon think OF hundreds and thousands Of brass
bands rngng up aud down the country, and cam
pagn quu7tettes lifting up their voices, and Green
back Sweet Singers lifting the roofs OF oarns. il is
u very low estimate to set down St 600, 600 songs
delivered in public Annually under the most favor
able OF conditions, At a political meeting. frin-
stance, the vast audience is in accord with the
Fingers and rapturously applauds whatever rot
thev choose to get Of, while at night when the
noise OF the busy day is bushed in sweet repose
and no sounds disturb the stiy night save the dis
taut rattle of strcet-car, the scrunch of The burg
lars centre bit, and the snoring OF baldheaded
man in the house acroas the why, then the neigh
borhood catches and dWclls upon every note Of the
singers voice."
.'Well, what Of that:' said the reporter.
''Now, - said the general manager, drawing his
chair closer and paving the reporters starooatd
knee, 'all this music is wasted On the deeeEt car
What good does all this melody do: Wherein docs it
tend to increase the national wca1th,-to diminish
the burden Of ta1ation? Ny utilitarian mind 1s
shocked when reflect that there are thousands
upon thousands Of square miles Of precipiccs In
the mountains Of the West which hare noyer known
the humaniZing Influences Of the sign painter 5
brush.--have never spread abroad the virtues Of
Smiths wine Of 1pccsc' and Jones' tNoyou-
don't for the Teeth, But. on the other hand, AZ
the population Of those sublime but sparsely pop
ulated regions is mainly composed OF Digger 1nd-
ans and. Rocky Mountain sheep. neither Of which
classes can be said to be extensive consumers of
proprietary articles, the real loss is not great
But what would you say if yon we're to see in one
OF our most popular cities board fence having
accommodation for 8, 900, 600 four sheet posters
"A board fcnce before which millions OF ous best
citizens were compelled to pass hours in
silent contemplation, with nothing to distract
their attention. drinking ir the advertisements ut
every porc,-if you were to see such fence in
ench locality without single poster upon it, or
merely selections from the poets! Would not you
consider that a case Of wil1ful waste which would
deserve to call down upon the guilty community
tho wrath Of Heaven? leaye to you, as between
man and man, wouldn't you:''
The reporter was compelled to admit that he
won!d: :, .o,z ~. pn...,, .ao. .
their chairs together, ''that is precisely the case
in the matter of sercnades. Millions upon mill
ions OF songs slung annually in our broad land
composed OF the morest sentiment t-pnpractcal
things, that amount to less than the hooling OF q
steam-wl,istlc, because through the blowing OF .
steam whistle men are informed that it is time for
dinner to 20 to work, cattle aid pigs are ecased
offn railroad tracks and kept from being run over,
and horses, are frightened and made to run away,
thus healhily: stimulating the business OF the Cor
oner and undertaken. Steam whistles, you
Sec, contribute to the national wealth !;
serenodes don't But-and hero you get
an inkling OF our great discoverE--n
it were possible for rs to 30 arrange matters that
the sercnader should convey to the object of his
affection aud the people Of the neiGhborhoud gem
erall7 information of useful and practical char
acter, welded to immortal and sugar. coated,
as it were, with banjo accompaniment, it will
readily be seen that great deal Of good would be
accomplished. Now that is precisely what We
think OF doing By introducing and popafarzlng our
Patent Advertising serenade. think o. calling it
the Observation-Disclosures will look we'll on
long posters, don't you think? 1ou see the minds
OF the listeners will he attuned and brought into
eerene and receptive frame by the music, ana
when the last cou|ct comes containing the advcr-
tisement it'll slip into the core OF their being like
ice cream. The people in the houses ut hand
have nothing to do but to lie there aud listen.
Each one will be waiting for the other one
to Get up and put on his trousers and
hnrl q bootjack at the artist, and, as
what is every ones business is no one's business
it won't be done, and they will all have to lie there
and take it, Or even il they do kick, it will be too
late and altogether i'll vain. The musicians will do
the business in about six or eight bars and then it