The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-07-31
PACTs AND FANCIEs

The salary Of the Bishop Of London is
$50, 600 a year.
A dainty new s~alt-cellar represents a
water lily poised on a leaf.
Time is money, but what oft. Even
old father 7. goes 'on tick
A canalbOat animal is neither black
no white. it's a mule.at-tow.
The man and the umbrella that have
lost a rib should be repaired.
A surveyor OF the port-he that look
eth upon the wine when it is red.
There's always the dues to pay when
a married man belongs TO a lodge.
Light work is that which Is done by a
clerk in a store that does not advertise.
Rich and poor alike should be brought
up with the ability to earn q living in the
worlds work.
There are few doors through which
liberality, joined with good humor, an
not find its way.
And the iron entered my sole,' said
Grayhead, as he pulled the tack out Of
the bottom Of his slipper.
Next to swearing, says the New Or.
lean Picayune, slamming a door gives
most relief to an angry person.
Hop OVERWHELMING your girl to an
evening hop, and have some other fellow
cut you out and escort her home.
There is an Ohio man travelling in
this State who is not an ofice-seeker. He
is a lightning rod agent, which is the
next.
The New Haven Register asks the
profound question: when are We dead?'
The only correct answer is when we stop
advertising.
A boy may not be as good a judge of
things in general as his father, but he
will never allow the latter to select a
jack knife for him-if he can help it.
No, darling said the undertaken TO
his wife, 4 can't afford to give you a
silk dress at present. Just wait a few
weeks until green apples are in the
market
II the man who gave us by mistake
the lead quarter he was saving to put
into the contribution box Sunday, will
call, we will cheerfully allow him to
rectify his error.
The tourists pleasant anticipations
are gone like a tale that is told when
he reaches a mountain resort and finds
the price of board about three times as
high as the highest mountain.
The chap who sat down on the side.
walk last winter and mathematical the
ice, now affectionately shakes it up in
his cocktail and wonders how mankind
could get along without a good ice crop.
In England, when o prominent indi-
vidual dies, it is common for their aris-
t~ocratic friends to testify their grief by
sending their empty coroneted carri-
ages to take part in the funeral process
sion.
A gentleman being asked whether he
was seriously injured when a steam :
boiler exploded, is said to have replied
that he wal so used to being blown up
by his wife that mere steam had no Of
feet on him.
And now a sewing machine agent is
reported missing. For heavens sake
let him go in peacel There is hope,
even, that the insurance solicitor and
book canvasser may yet feel the pangs
of conscience.
Good words do more than hard
speeches; as the sunbeams without any
noise will make the traveller cast off his
cloak, which oil the clustering winds
could not do, but only make him draw
it closer to him.
Why, Ally, what in the world are you
doing with that red paint?' exclaimed a
fond mother, addressing her six. year
old darling. why replied the obser-
wing innocent, Il am paintin' my nose
so it II look like papa's.
Mt. Etna has stopped vomiting and
we may now expect to read at thebottom
of one of those fraudulent patent medi
cine locals that its cure was effected by
taking only two boxes Of DIR. Bimm's
Mon Explosive Anti Bilious Pellets
During January only eight days were
recorded in which any sunshine was reg
istered at the Greenwich observatory,
England, and during fourteen days of
February there was M In Decem-
Der there were only 1913 hours Of sun
shine.
Every time the average citizen attends
O circus he remarks in a Disguised a
ner, when you see one circus you see
ALL And to prove the truth of the
statement he attends each succeeding
arenic exhibition with scrupulous regu-
larity.
A North Hill man made q wager that
he could eat thirty eggs in thirty min
utes. He lost the money. The first
egg did the business for him. 1t was
no young, giddy, inexperienced egg. 1t
was a venerable old sage, and it did it
with its little hstch't.
1t is a singular but indisputable fact,
that the young man who has just won
three games Of billiards walks up town
with a prouder stride than the faithful
young fellow who has been digging away
at the desk for five hours steady.
When q man is standing with one foot