The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-05-08
gaGtsreIIaireu11s.
TOO LATE FOR ROGER M'PHER-
SON.
Harl rraln ApolorI.s. Eor Not MaGIng spseol

HArk Twain Apologies For Not Making Speech
Mark Twain was recently at Dime
of the Stanley Club in Paris, and, beinl
called upon for aspeeCh, is thus reported
by the Continental Gazette; "Mr, Ryar
said to me just now that I'd got to make
aspeech. l said to Mr. Ryan, "The new
came too late to save Roger MCPHERSON
1t is sad to know that some things CONF
Stoo late, and when look around upor
this brilliant assembly, l feel disappoint
ed to think what a nice speech l nigh
have made; what fine topics | nigh
have found in Paris to speak about annie
these historic monuments, the architec
'ture of Paris, the towers Of Notre Dame
the caves and other ancient things
Then might have said something about
the objects of which Paris folks are fond
literature, art, medicine then taking q
card from his vest pocket as if to take
glance at his notes), and adultery. But
the news came too late to save Roger
Mcpherson Perhaps you are not as
we'll acquainted with Mcpherson as l
amp Well, I'll explain who Mcpherson
was. When we sailed from New York
there came on board a man all haggard
"a mere skeleton. He wasn't much OF a
man, and on the voyage we often heard
him say, "The news came too late to
save Roger MCPHERSON" | got interest
ed and wanted to know about the man,
80 asked him who Mcpherson was, he
said: "I'm Mcpherson; but the news
came too late to save Roger Mcpherson"
SHOW too late?" l asked. "About three
weeks too late" he said. "I'll tell you
how it happened: A friend of mine
died, and they told me l must take his
body on the cars to his parents in Illi'
nois. l said I'd do it, and they gave me
card with the address, and told me to
90 down to the depot and put it on box
I'd find there; have the box put on the
baggage car, and go right along with it
to Illinois. found the box all right and
nailed the card on it, and put it on the
cars; then l walked in the depot and got
q sandwich. was walking around eat.
ing my sandwich, and passed by the
baggage room, and there was my box,
with a young man walking around, look
ing at it, and he had a card in his hand,
/ felt like going up to that young man
and saying, Stranger, that'smy corpse"
But didn't. | walked on, ate my sand.
wiCh, and when | came ir again the
young man was gone; but there was that
card nailed right on that box. / went
and looked on that card. 1t was directed
to Col. Jenkins, Cleveland, Ohio. So |
looked in the car, and there was my box
all right. Just before the train started q
man came into the baggage car, and laid
a lot of limberger cheese down on my
box; he didn't know what was in my
box, and | didn't know what was
in his paper, but | found out later. 1t
was an awful cold night, and after we
started, the baggage. e.master came in. He
was nice fellow, Johnson was, and he
said; "a man would freeze to death out
there; I'll make ii all right" So he shut
the doors and windows, built rousing
coal fire in the stove; then he took turns
fixing the car and poking the fire, till |
began to smell something end feel un'
comfortable, so | moved as far away
from my corpse as | could, and Johnson
says to me: "a friend of yours2 Did he
die lately? This year mean?" Says |;
"I'll fix it," So l opened a window, and
we took turns breathing fresh air, After
while Johnson said: Lets smoke, |
think that'll fix it," So We lit our cigars
and pufed bit, but we got so sick we
let 'em go out again-it didn't do any
good. We tried the air again. Johnson !
says: "He's in no trance, is he? There |
is doubt about some people being dead,
but there's no doubt about him, is there2 |
What did ne die oi?" We stopped at
station, and when we started off again
johnson came in with bottle Of disin.
fector and says, "Pve got something that
will doitnow," So hesprinkledit it around, |
over the box and limberger, and every
thing; but would not do, the smells would |
not mix well. Johnson said, Just think !
of it. We've all got to die and come to
this" Then we thought we'd move the
box to one end of the Car; so we stopped
over it; | took one end and he the other,
but we couldn't get it far. Johnson says:
"We'll freeze to death if we stay out
on the platform; We'll die if we remain
here" So we took hold of it again, but
johnson couldn't stand it, he fell right
over. dragged him out on the platform
and the cold air soon brought him to,
and we went into the Car to get warm.
"What are you going to do?" asked John
son, and he looked sick. "We are sure
to have typhoid fever and half dozen
other feVers. We're pizened, we are"
At last we thought it was better to 60
out on the platform. In an hour and
half l was taken off the platform, stiff,
and nearly frozen to death They put
me to bed, and | had all them fevers that
johnson spoke about. You see the
thing worked on my mind. 1t didn't do
me any good to learn, three weeks after
that there was mistake-that my corpse |
had gone to Col Jenkins, Cleveland, and |
that I'd taken his box of rifles for de-
cent burial to Illinois. The news came
too late to save Roger McPherson-abont
three weeks too late" Amid roars of
applause Mr.. Twain closed by saying:
"When I'm not prepared to speak | al
ways apologize, and that's the reason
have told you 80 much about Roger Nc
Pherson."
Eprn nOUGT.A SSsS TALK