The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-02-06
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

II the service require 1t.
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
WHAT did billet doux7
AN aurist is an ear-responsible man.
INN-DEPENDENrp eople-Hotel board
brs.
The quickest way to get away from
\ frightful thing is to faint away.
A BUTCHER can tell you more about
cold wether than Old Probabilities.
THE fashion-plates that come from
Paris are colored mostly in the prisons |
by female convicts.
THERE'S one melancholy fact about
q calendar: there's no time when its |
days are not numbered.
IwIsH there was more getup 20
that boy" said doting parent of his
slothful heir, who was prone to lie
absd.
IT may be slightly Hibernian, but it
is nevertheless true, that the best way
to look at the faults of your friends is
to shut your eyes.
ALTHOUGH the Government 4 per
cents are a loan in the world, they find
many rich people taking interest in
them.-N. o. Picayu'se.
In the name of our dark-skinned
brother, we protest against this filling
up of Sahara. If that is done, where is
Africa to get her desertp Boston Tram
script.
"WHAr is the use of that man paint
mo his name twice on his signP' said
a gentleman to his friend, as he pointed
to a sign which read 81. E. Weller,
Jeweller."
A BOSTON man who bought 1000
Havana cigars, on being asked what
they were for, replied that they were
tickets to q course of lectures to be
given by his wife.
SAID railroad engineer to an Irish
man, whose COW had been killed: "But
she didn't get out of the way when I
rang the bell" "Faith, thin," said
Pat, eye didn't shtop whin she rang her
bell, naythur."
SHE (sentimentaD: "Oh, I call this
quite too exquisitely lovely! So de-
lightful to see the little early BIRDS!
They seem so happy!'' He (hard up) !:
eyes, with their little bills all over
dew, too! Lively little beggars?'
The mule reached out suddenly with
his hind foot andupset the vehicle with
its three occupants. ''That's what
call three-sent stamp" said one Of
the unfortunates, as he raised himself
from the bosom of his mother earth.
"WHAT? Twenty-Five cents a pound
for sausages? Why, l can get 'em
down at Schmidt's for twenty cents!'
"Vell, den, Wy didn't yer?" "'Cause
Schmidt was out of EN-" "Vell, w
I vas out of 'em sell 'em for twendJ
cents, too" -PMck.
The same feeling that caused Caesar
to cry, Get tn Brute" possessed thu
mans soul who, Fastening to assist (.
fallen lady, himself slipped, fell to thu
pavement and at the same time discov
cred the lady was his own dear wife,
Toledo Commercial.
WHEN SNOWFALL as hard as door
knob hits you in the back of the head
as you are crossing the street, no mat
ter how quickly you turn, the only
thing you can see is one boy, with thu
most innocent face and emptiest hand
that ever confronted false accusation
Huntington Havk.Eye.
THERE were seven American soldier
killed and six wounded at the Battle o
New Orleans, under Gen. jackson
Many street fights show better rec
ord in the casualty line, so far as ou
side is concerned; but history says tn
British were everlastingly slaughtered
to the number of 8, OOO killed and wound
ed.-M. o. Picayu'se.
VIA TGow3gs% s some :; ne r aa about = hons
a day or two ago. The hose had BEEF
in requisition, and Pat was directed tt
90 into the basement and shut off tn
water. A few minutes after the kitch
en- girl found him turning the crank o
the clothes-wringer with the zeal of
man a-mewing. "What on arth ye
doing?" demanded Bridget. can sure
I'm just shurting off the water" com
placently replied Pat.
| A WEE friend of ours thinks hersel
quite as smart as her brother, though
she has seen bat her fifth winter, Will,
he is passing through his eighth. HI
is doing his first lessons as a "pri
mary" and the other day returned
from school not little pulled up will
knowledge. :" Marion" he asked, il
that style which big brother assume
when patronizing little sister, "Ma
rion, do you know that the earth turn
round?'' "Of tos 1 does," answered
Marion, resenting the imputation O
ignor ance; "that's the reason I tum
bles out of bed."-Youth's Companion
| ONE of the most cowardly acts
man can do is to commit suicide. Ii
about two-thirds of the cases, loss O
money or employment, or unrequitet
affection suggests the rash act. Forth
with the poor deluded victim proceeds
to fill himself with whisky to give hin
nerve, and makes the fatal leap int
eternity. If men who are to-day Ia
boring under discouragements fol
losses-have seen the hard earnings o
years swept away-will interview an,
twenty of their prosperous neighbors
they will find that such has been tn,
history of men through all the genera
tions. The darkest days will brighten
the heaviest gloom will be lifted from
the most depressed soul, if, like man
he will make the contest. Nay, ever
more; often the trials and disappoint
ments of life, so grievous to bear at thu
time, are the best perfecters of char
acter, and do more to develop the tru'
man than any amount of prosperity
1t is pitiful that, in a land of plenty
there should be found SO many wht
are unwilling to live their allotted days
and pay the debt as best they cam
Chicago Inter- Ocean.
| Travelling in 1S41.
The late Henry Wells, who was thu
founder of the American express sys
tenn, once delivered before the Buffalo
Historical Society a paper upon tina
enterprise. His description of the rail
road route from Albany to Buffalo a
that time, 1S41, when he made thu
trip weekly, suggests at once the con
trast between railroad travelling ther