The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-05-24
VARIETY.

The elephant allows his wife to carry but one
trunk.
A new mode Of declaring bank dividends is to
divide what is left.-N. o. PicGyume.
A photographer requested that his sign, "Taken
from Life . should be his ePitnph.
The planets are the champion pedestrian.
They make the biggest laps, and most Of them
laps Of ages, as it were.-PaferSoH Press
John Rest and Mary Jane Weary were married
the other day. .. There is rest for the weary"
sure enough
To collide with three consecutive lamp-posts
and fall over an apPle-stall is sign you are not
n Good Tempiar-
a.. jane" said he, ''I think if you lifted your
feet away from the fire might have some heat
in the room And they hadn't been married
either.
That was a ghastly joke that sinful townsman
nIaved ON n stranger whom he promised to intro
duce to a rich planter, and then took him around
and presented him to the leading undertaken
The Burlington HalrEeye has also gone into
the prize question - business. It offers chro-
mo for the first correct answer to the question,
" When you going to pay this little blllT'
DO you know what you are eating ~ whis-
uered one of the boarders, as he watched his neigh
Dor wrestling with slice Of leathery pie. Alas"
a little faded flour" and he passed his plate
for another sliee.-BOStOH Post.
One paper says: Kerosene will make tea
kettles shine as bright as new" 40 Yes" re-
MARKS another, a. kerosene will do wonders; 1t
will make whole house shine so that it can be
seen for miles"
Some Of the Adventist have determined that
July IL, of the present year, Will be the date OF
the general ascension day of the righteous, which
decision IL rough upon persons who remember
how hot it is at that season OF the year
A family is like unto On equipage. First, the
father, the draught horse next, the boys, the
wheels, for they are always running around then,
the Girls they are surrounded by fellows. The
baby occupies the lapboardi and the mother
we'll, what's wagon without tongue, anyhow 7
the two cats that accompanied Noah in the ark
had set 20 work and - growled, and " fit, and
scratched each other, and raised Mr.. and Mrs. n.
out Of their hunks in the dead Of night, the chan
ces are that the old man would have taken his
shotgun and finished them-in which case the peo-
rle Of the present day could sleep with some de-
gree OF eomfort--PllmaS NGfiORGi.
A pledge is frequently defined thing made
under the pressure Of circumstances and to be
broken the moment good excuse can be found;
but very few can break 1t as gracefully as the
Irisbrnan adorned with blue ribbon who went
into an apothecary shop and said TO the clerk,
- NJ vc plaze sir I'm temperance man, but If ye
have any soda water OF the stTingth and quality
resembling whiskey III trouble ye for little.
Recently. very modest young Boston lady,
who wanted pair Of CATERS, addressed the shop
man thus: 1t is my desire to obtain a PAIR OF
circular elastic appendages, capable OF being con-
traeted or expanded by means Of oscillating
FURNISHED steel appliances that sparkle like parti-
.Ies of gold leaf set Wcth Alaska dimOnds, and
which are utilized for retaining IN proper posi-
tion the hnbilimeuts OF the lower cxtremitIes,
which innate delicaey forbids me to mention"
Earnest seek information:
Cousin. darling would You know
WAT could mortal man AL
in such situation2
Father mother. no one nigh,
Lfberai view. great temptatious
Jennie Is u1y cousin. too;
SO 10 please my young relation
Ahiyou horrid thing. there, now,
referred 10 OccultAtion-
In Vermont village tall and awkward beau
called to see his young lady. and found her en-
0nged with other company To set matters right
he gave them riddle. ''There was two boys
nIaying on the sidewalk, and a man asked them
weather they were any relation. The boy replied,
sSir, that there boys mother and mine was twin
sisters and we yet amt cousins. The girls
guessed ut it for half Eour and gave it up. sis
there any solution to II, Mr.. Brown?' one Of the
girls asked. "Oh, yes, he replied, sits easy
explained, That there boy lied"
To call at a friends house about dinner-time
and find him absent is a sign you will be dis
fo drop hot seaIing-wax on your fingers is a
Sign you will be angry.
To perceive advice Of your mother-in-law s
proiected visit is sign you are going to leave
home for n time.
To meet boiling horse on the pavement i'm
piles that you are going to run
To dream of beng run over by hre-engines Is
often a sign that you have had pork chops for
supper.
10 pick up money is lucky.
m man says. " hardly like to ask you, old
man. bat it's a sign he wants to borrow