Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1879-04-17
THE HERALD.
REM0RSELESS BARRIERS.
By BOB BURDETrE.


l couldn't remember the subject
nor what it was about. l went into
fremont street "Institution of
Facial Manipulation and Tonsorial
Decoration" and inquired for the
PROFESSOR who occupied the chair of
Medieval Shaving and Nineteenth
Century Shampoo. One of the jus
nior members of the faculty who
was brushing an undergraduates
coat, pointed me TO O chair, and l
climbed in. When the performance
was about concluded the barber
said to me:
Have your hair trimmed, sir p
i believe not
Needs it very badly, SIR he said;
looks very ragged
never argue with barber. l
said: All right; trim i, Iit.lr but
don't make it any shorter
linn ediately he trimmed all the
curl out OF it, and my hair, natural.
ly you know, has a very graceful
curl to it, | never discovered this
myself until few months 90, and
then | was very much surprised. |
discovered it by looking at my ith
ograph.
Well, anyhow, he trimmed it.
On the 9th of December I was at
Bath, Me. Again I was shaved and
again the barber implored me to let
him trim my hair. When | an
swered him that it bad been trimm m
ed only two days before he spiteful-
ly asked where it was done. | told
HIM and he gave expression to a
burst of sarcastic laughter
well, we'll, WE'LL he said at last,
go you let them trim your hair in
Boston. Well, well. Now you
.ook like man who has been
around the world enough to know
better than that
Then be affected to examine o
lock or two very particularly and
sighed heavily.
Dear. DEAR he said. Il don't
know really, as l could do anything
with that hair or not; IFS too bad.
We'll, uis manner frightened me
and | told him to go ahead and
trim it. but please not make it any
shorter.
No. be said, 'oh, no, it wasn'i
necessary to cut it any shorter; it
was really too short now, but it did
need trimming
SO he trimmed it, and when
faced tho Rockland audience that
night looked like prize fighter.
In four days from that time l
was sitting in the chair of barber
down 10 New York State. Hs
shaved me in grateful silence, and
then thoughtfully run his fingers
over my lonely hair.
Trim this hair q little, sir ? he
said; 'straigbten it up about the
edges"
I meekly told him that l had it
trimmed twice during the preceding
" eek and | was afraid it was get.
ting too short for winter wear.
Yes he said, he didn't know but
what it was pretty short, but you
didn't need to cut il any shorter to
trim it. 1t was in a very bad, rag
ged shape at the ends
| remained silent and obstinate
and he asked me where | had it
trimmed last. | told him and be
burst into q shout of laughter that
made the windows rattle.
whats the matter, Jim?' inquired
an assistant partner down the room
holding his patient in the chair by
the nose.
Jim stifled his laughter and re.
piled:
This gentleman had his bair
trimmed down in Maine
There was a general burst of mer
riment all over the shop and the ap-
prentice laid down the brush be
was washing and came over to look
at the Maine cut that be might new.
er forget it. surrendered. Trim
it little them l groaned. but in
the name of humanity don't cut it
any shoster.'
NO the barber said. she would
mt make it hairs breadth shor.
ter
When l left that shop, if it had
not been for my ears my hat would
have fallen down clear on my shout
ders
When l reached the hotel every
body started, and couple of men
got up and read a handful or the
wall descriptive of convict who
bad recently escaped Sing Sing, and
looked from tho bill to myself very
iutently. That night several of the
audience drew reviewers as l came
ont on the platform.
Then | went to Amsterdam N. Y,
The barber of that sleepy village,
who 10 the interval of his other du-
ties acts as Mayor of the town and
edits the local paper, undertook to
shave me with a piece of hoop-iron
which he pulled out of his boot-Ieg.
When | resisted he went out into
the kitchen and came back with a
kitchen-knite and a can-opener and
offered me my choice. | selected
the can-opener and he began the
massacre, remarking incidentally
that be used to keepa good spoke
shave for his particular customers,
but be had lost it. Then be said
my hair needed trimming very bad
~. / protested that 1t was impossi-
bic; that it had been trimmed three
times within ten days and was as
short as business man on the first
OF January.
Oh he said it wasn't TO short,
and besides there was no style
about it at ALL He could give it
some shape. however. he said with.
out making it any shorter.
So l told him to shape it up. And
If that foredoomed Amsterdam son
OF an opium picker didn't go cut in
to the woodshed and come back
with rusty old horse-rasp and be-
gan to file away at what little hair
had left. He allowed few shreds