The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-07-10
PACTS AND FANCIEs.
Weather reports clap OF thunder.
Hash Kuife is the newest postofice in

Hash nfe Is the newest pOstomce IN
Texas.
Jefferson Davis is seventy-ono years
Of age.
The creditor who skips is the man
who belongs TO the Y Dwell us.
No person al get rich by sitting
around stores and saloons.
Water, when it becomes steam, is ex-
panded LOO times its original bulk.
Age should always precede beauty,
therefore let the old folks retire before
ten O'Clock.
L wonder what makes my eyes so
weak said a fop to- gentleman. 'They
are in a weak place. responded the lat
ter.
Have you a mother-in-lawP' asked O
man OF a disconsolate looking person.
No. he replied; but I've O father in
jail
As the soundest health is less per-
ceived than the lightest malady, 30 the
highest Joy touches us less than the
smallest sorrow.
A man can succeed in holding
two or three dozen pins in his mouth as
a woman does, no matter how much he
practices ON shad.
The taste for horsehesh has decreased
in Vienna during the past year, accord
ing to the statistics, as there were 2S6
fewer horses eaten.
BY the sweet aroma that exhales from
handkerchiefs during Sabbath morning
services n is reminded that there are
many musk-ular Christians.
Ma, lend me a pencil; I want to draw
some ladies' Draw some ladies' Why,
Johnny, this is Sunday well, I'll
draw them in their Sunday Clothes
A Louisville scientist prepared an ex-
haustive essay on antidotes for rabies.
When he beheld the announcement in
the paper it read tAntidotes for Babies.
Rev. DIR. Geissenhainer, the oldest
Lutheran minister in the country, has
just died, aged eighty-two years. For
ninety-two years he had preached the
gospel.
Ii it hadn't been for a friendly tree OF
the second Bull Run we should now
have been getting decorated with all the
rest Of the fellows. Safe things, trees,
except during a thunder storm.-M Y.
Com. AdU.
An old lady seeing a sign over the
door Of an umbrella shop, Umbrellas
recovered went in and told the shop
man that she would like to have him re-
cover the one that was stolen from her
The week previous.
The saying of an old philosopher
that il he had a lever long enough he
could move the world, leads a country
correspondent to write to us that if he
had q dried apple big enough he could
soak up the Pacific ocean.
There is one thing that seems unac.
countable to the average city fisherman,
and that is, that an overgrown, awkward
boy with a bean pole for a fishing rod
and cotton Irvine for a line, will catch
more fish than he with his fancy jointed
rod and fine silken line.
Professor said n cheeky soph, lis
there any danger of disturbing the mag
netic currents if l examine that compass
too closelyT And the stern professor,
loving his little joke, promptly re-
sponded: No, sir; brass has no effect
whatever on them; thereby scoring
three against the unsuspecting man of
cribs.
The old chimney of the house in
which Washington was born, ON the
estate of Wakefield in Westmoreland
county, Virginia, is still standing--all
that is left to mark the spot. the tablet
erected by Parke GUSTS in 1916 having
crumbled to pieces. It is suggested
that an enduring monument be placed
upon the SPOT.
At the recent commencement at Van
derbilt university, Nashville, Tenn,
the degree of Master of Arts was con-
ferred by the faculty upon Miss Kate
Lupton, because, as the chancellor stated,
she had won it in a mastery manner,
having passed most satisfactorily all the
examinations to which the young men
were subjected
Rose Eytinge, the actress, is Of partly
Jewish descent. While she was loung-
ing i'll the Union Square theater green
room between q matinee and an evening
performance, an actor entered just in
time to see her yawn. Gazing in affect
ed horror at her widely-opened mouth,
he exclaimed, 'Oh, don't swallow me,
You are safe, she retorted, lam enough
O Jewess to abhor pork
A man up on North Hill is just the
maddest man. Haven't to Philadelphia
and paid $500 for a pure-blood bird dog,
with a pedigree longer than the chrome
table of the kings of England,
and the dog hadn't been home two days
before the next door neighbor killed
him with a brick in his henhouse, where
the thoroughbred was sucking eggs.
Blood is as uncertain and rare in q dog
as it is in a South American battle.
A sUBsoRIBER's soLILooUY.
To pay, or not to pay, that is the question