, 1879-11-24
Wit and HumOr.

A girl SRlO OI u0E UOW.108B0U Ue8u
that she "din't like to waltz in brack-
ets."
Wonder if it screamed? A sporting
paper says, "The yacht came down on
a tack"
Why is a pair of skates like an ap-
pie ?-Because they have occasioned the
fall of man.
Stubbs says that the times are so dull
that is difficult for him to collect even
his ideas.
The grocer who gives short weight to
his customers ought to wait long for
his money.
There is no peace for the bald d-headed;
just AS sharp winds are going out flies
are coming in.
The world, without woman, would be
a perfect blank-like sheet of paper
not even ruled.
An interesting man has named his
daughters Time and Tide, SO they will
wait for no man.
"Take away women," asks a writer,
land what would f0llow?" That's
easy. The men.
Wives should always sit UP for their
husbands. It makes two hours differ
ence in their arrival.
There's one sphere that belongs to
everyb body-to women as we'll as men
and that's the atmosphere.
A Cleveland man, who has had sew
eral wives, says bald-headed eagle is
one that has been married.
That's poser !" replied the photog-
rapner's assistant, when questioned as
to whom he had in the chair.
You've heard Brownies married
again." No; has he? Stupid ass He
didn't deserve to lose his first wife,"
The beauty of mans parting his
hair in the middle appears to be that it
gives both ears an equal chance to flap.
John writes to ask eff old Boreas
ever had any wives?" Certainly; didn't
you ever read of the " Merry Wives of
Wind-sir ?"
A cynical old bachelor says: We'd
lock is like a bird-cage; those without
peck to get in, and those within peck
to get out"
What is the difference between the
weather and the baby ?-One never
rains but it pours, and the other never
pains but it roars.
It is q mean man who would fool q
fish by wearing white choksr and
clerical coat when strolling along the
banks of brook on Sunday.
81 haven't enough work for another
servant" said an old lady TO a girl that
applied for situatian. "Oh, yes, you
have. mum; it'll take precious little to
keep me busy"
If We were asked what physician
stood at the head of his profession, we
should say it was the gentleman who
was in the habit of attending patients
on monument"
Have you Chaucer?" asked a young
lady, looking in at bookstore. The
polite young man replied No, he never
used it; but there was tobacconist's
just two doors above.
A little girl wanted more buttered
toast, but was told she'd had enough,
and that more would make her i'll.
"Well," said she, "give me anuzzer
piece and send for the DOCTOR
An editor, with nine unmarried
daughters, was recently made Justly in
dignant by the misconstruction his con-
temporaries put upon his able leader
on, 1.-The demand for more men,"
A young man went into restaurant
the other day, and remarking that
time is money!" added that as he had
half an hour to spare, if the proprietor
was willing he'd take it out in pie.
A young lawyer of Boston says that
persons seeking solitude, where they
can commune with their own thoughts
uninterruptedly, should come to his
office, where it is as quiet as the grave.
1t is said of actors that they are often
particularly happy in their make up"
but for real bliss nothing in the way of
making up" beats young couple
who have been in the sulks for week
or two.
The bell-punch is supposed to be a
modern invention, but it was evid emily
in use in Macbeth's time, from the fact
that he says, "Go bid thy mistress,
when my drink is ready, she strike
upon the bell"
"Healthy place here ~ asked a Wis.,
itor who was prospecting in the neigh
borhood of Denver, Colorado. "Stran-
ger, yes" was the reply; "ten years
ago we had to kill two old men to get
seed enough to start cemetery"
They asked crier in one of the
courts if he did not find it difficult to
while away the time during the hearing
of dry cases. "Oh, no." was the
prompt reply; I just lean my head
back, and sleep the sleep of the judge"
"Prisoner, how old are you ?"