The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-05-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

with a worm AT one end and fool nj the other'
..shoes, !" sententiously remarks the n o. P'c"y'
VIM, "should be over two feet A dress tram
should not be under one foot"
Mr. Isaac V. Green of Michigan ran away
with his wfe's aunt recently. In o'her "orus-
He ran away with his spousc's aunt,
And never again was seen
Thus proving anew what a rare old plant
Is the Michigan !. V. Green,
Atlanta (Ga.) Constitution.
man in Iowa, who read that dry copperas put
in a he'd of ants would cause them to leave, put
some in his mother.ln-law's bed to see II she
wouldn't 20. He says she was still there at last
accounts.
Three exconfederatc private soldiers III con
gress 1t would be well If some oil our rip, snor.
me warrior. the.union republicans would senu
soIne of our ex.prvate soldiers to congress.--Dc-
catur RsUie,c.
The Scientific A0.s,ran's wonderful cooring ma
terial uranine, a grain of which will color three
hundred gallons Of water, has ioundit USE prov
inc n bonanza to the makers Of circus lemonade.
The Pontiac Sentinel continues to think that
the republicans made mistake In electln% hayes.
The Sentinel makes very serious mistake II IL
thinks that the republicans ever elected Hayes
lie was not 's'y'" fT'''''
The weather is very changeabe in New York
An exchange says few days ago man in that
country was sun.struck right at the close OF
snow storm because he couldn't get his ulster OIL
quick enough.
The Adventlst's are not all crazy. They show
a good deal OF sense in putting of the grand
smash up of this mundane sphere until July llth,
giving us all a chance for one more grand cele-
bration of the 9Th and time enough afterwards to
scoot to Canada.
He murmured in Clarndas ear.
"'Twould heighten much my bliss
If YOU would kindly give to me
One tender little kiss"
And she turned round and SAID To NM
Il like YOU muchly, Bill;
So. if you really want kiss,
sail in and take your fill
That's the kind Of a hairpin am"
A dead cat lies rotting in the sun directly OPP
posite Abe Whites shops. A pcstilencc worse
man the ''black death" of Russia will visit us il
/, is not removed at once. II you do not believe
il, 90 ana take a smcll.--Sherdidn NelcSttfc.
Rather hard when AN editor can't trust the pco-
nile to take his word for it in such case.
lie Due the commissioner Of agriculture at
Washington has discovered that canary bird seed
imported into this country has been boiled, so as
to destroy the germ and prevent its being raised
in America Many experiments that he has made
with it, he says have failed utterly in producing
any birds.-Pecbs Sna.
Way out in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, a paper call,
ing itself the christian idcocate posons the minds
of the young with such atrocious stuff as this:
Agnes Smear loved hand-car boss,
But, alas, one wretchcd day
Her lovers heart proved worthless dross--
With her purse he ran away.
They told the news to Agnes Smear;
They thought she'd die of grief.
But she never dropped single tear
Cause she'd lost her hand .car-chicf.
Weaver, the Iowa greenbackcr, complained in
aspcech in congress that hcifers are selling fol-
five dollars in his state. "Ths may be bad,
suggests the Washington Post, "for those who
have heiIers to SELL but if congress should under
take to fix the price Of hcifers, it would be &c
cused of bulng the market. Let congress steer
clear of that sort Of legislation. The peoples
representatives should not be cowed into making
new and dangerous precedents,"
Our best Cholars tell us that the language o
ancient Greece was unsurpassed for its richness
and variety Of expression. Well then, when ar
ancient Greek wanted to borrow five dollars o.
his classic neighbor he either had to ask him
changer
Dough-
rhnoy
shin plastersy
sinners.
ducats?
soapy
rocks
Have you any sponduliX?
brassg
scrip?
legal tender?
lucrc?
TIM
chips:
pewter?
whcrcwithaly
ready come down, John?
or else dofi his abashed hat to the superior hcXi
bility and greater variety and verbal wealth o
the United States language. BuI1iHgtOn HdHk
Eyc.
Here's chance for some entcrprsing para
graphcr who wants to get up q poetcal para
graph. All you have to do is to nlupthe blanks
wen furnish the rhymes;
--.,..........,.........G Gear
.....-...s-..... risky
.,..-..... ....... beer
....,...........W whisky
................. Temperance cause
.lnItc DUrGHIlS.
-heokat Constitution.
We are not cnterprising but can ill this on
Tor you just a. well as not, ON the condition tina
you will not sue for libel:
The COasfitition'S out of.......
Its habits are So vcry.........
II, paragraphcr will take .....
Whenever he can get no..
lie advocates the..............
And then for gin givcs........
ifontc Se.tiad
\ year ago Dale Wallace, of the Hoopcstow
Chronicle, was married and for Il while his 10
bubbed over in every issue OF his paper and h
seemed the happiest man in all the great king
dom OF lroquois But alas, too soon he seem
TO have realized that wedlocks
Pleasures are like peoples spread
You seize the flower, It's bloom Is she'd"
Hear him groan: