Smyrna times., 1879-05-14
WHOLE NO. 1854.
Newspaper Waits.

Are strawberries really as sour az thew
look to be? This IS a question for million.
noires only.-Ne,o Hacf. Register.
Pugwash is the name of a place of some
consequence in Nova Scotia. "Pbmbus.
what " name !'-Boslon transcript.
A hranless baby has been born in Wash.
lngton. 1t is reported to have MANY sym.
b8athlzing friends in Washlngton.-B
Ira"scrlpt
Scene in German. Professor: SIS this
! play modern or ancient in its style?'
Junior: 4" Yes, sir." Professor: Which?"
Total collapse.
| This is a little cO-educational racket.
| Professor-W will see Mr. r. before next
Monday? Lady STUDENT shall see him
Sunday night,
The penalty Of lying in Siam is TO have
the mouth se"ed up; Subscriptions for the
| purpose Of sending Eli Perkins to Siam will
oe received at this office.-Boatoa Post.
Some men never lose their presence of
mind. In New York man threw his
mother-in-iaw out Of window in the fifth
story OF burning building, and carried a
leather bed down stairs in his arms.
Patrick" And, Biddy, darlint. they've
/
the wurrld. Now, if you and me get the
praste to make Us two wan, trotI wont
there be wan the less ?''-F, F,u.ay Folks.
oh" said the afflicted wife, weeping
over his body, "he said he would take off
his iIannels anyway, and poor man, he little
thought how soon he would 90 to that
place where lannels are never needed"
The present plan adopted by churches of
making contributions by envelopes enables
man to drop two old-tashioned cartwheel
copper cents into the basket with as much
style and flourish as if they were trade dol.
lars at par.-SeuJenrMe UcrQlH.
Mark Gray thinks that Edwin Booth is
poorer actor than Lawrence Barrett, and at.
tempts to kill him. From this we under.
| stand Mr.. Grays sentiments to be that
when an actor falls below Barrett's level ne
has no right to live.-Ctncianof Eaguirsr
A pickpocket taken with his hand in
some one else's pocket endeavored to invent
all manner Of impossible explanations Of
the phenomenon. WHAT'S the use of
your trying to lie about it so clumsly?"
: said the magistrate, benevolently; haven't
you laWyer?'
There lately resided in an Ayrshire vii
lage man who proposed to write an
genealogical dictionary Of the English
e language. Being asked what he understood
. the word pathology" to mean, he answered,
} with readiness and confidence, Why, the
l art of road making to be sure
Julia "A. Moore, the sweet singer of
q Michigan, was nearly parayzed with
I establishment when recently informed that
a "eClat " didn't rhyme with "he cat" She
:. has not sufficiently recovered to finish her
/ halt-completed poem " On the Birth Of a
q New Spring. .'-Norristopa Hsrald.
,. Smith, who had always been tough
d one" has just died. The physician is met
$ coming from the house by Brown, who
It asks, Doctor, how is Smith? Is he out OF
r, danger?' Physician" No; he is dead.
: poor fellow. but he is far from being out of
It danger, fear. ''-NorriS'0,cn Herald
Man who is endeavoring to strike the
( other man for a ten dollar bill Saturday at
- one o'clock" Now old fel', let's have the
y y. You know what the Bible says help
one another" His friend, with a sad
>, sweet smile" Oh, yes, l know but, l say,
~ you know, you're always the another you
- are"
/. Village Doctor" Well. are you better :
e Have you taken your medicine regularly
e and eaten plenty of animal food?" Patient
ie =" Yes, sir; tried it, and so long as il
n were beans and oats l could manage pooty
we'll, sir; but when you come to that there
chopped hay, that right-down choked me
sir !"-Pamch.
IN Scene: The outside of an omnibus
OF Party (who doesn't know much about
st 'osses)- And what do you call the hors'
10 on the right-hand side driver? He look
as good sort" Driver" Oh, that's the of
ne un." Party" Is it, indeed? Dear me
to Lost both his parents. s'pose p, But vhs
ht on earth were they all laughing at?
w gentleman who has spent some days il
II, the region of the coal-oil wells in Pennsyl
n! vaniasays that in hisopinion the government
ne ought to interfere at once, and put stoI
Ill to further pumping and boring for oil. H
es is quite certain the oil is drawn through
ms these wells from the bearing of the earth
OF axis, and that the earth will cease to turI
OF when the fabrication ceases.
y.