Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-26
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and Humor.
/ 'Oh take me to the Expositienw
| In accents wild she cried;
While he i'll calmness reached round
And drew her to his side.
Then put her neck within his arm,
| Of course with her yolition,
And said. my love, consider this
To be a neck's position"
A soar task-ballooning.
Gold-A money syllable.
| To raze a HORSEPOWER it.
| Check-mate-A liberal husband.
| No quarter-A twenty-cont piece.
Lucifel matches Marrying for money.
Is the taut 'og related to the learned pig9
->Low rents-Tears in the sole. of shoe.
The miser is the great original chest
protector.
A man who steals for l1ving-The
blacksmith.
The Russian plan of settling Nihilism
is knout-y
Life is to short for its possessors to
wear long faces.
Thoughtful men are then ours, and apt
to he doq-matlcal.
Speaking ofnautical terms, was Noah's
wife his first mate?
At spelling match one man spelled
''pasnip,:' and got beet.
It's presumable that Noah's wife was
at one time an ark angel.
You can always find sheet of wa ter
on the bed Of the ocean.
"Alas! he cried-"alas for me?' She
heard but still a lass would be.
Instinct vs.. reason-A cat having lost
her kittens, following a mutton pie man.
The pretty girls wear them to be in
the fashion, and call them "whiskcr-
ettcs.''
| The wife of Philadelphia who had
his life heavily insured, set his death
down to profit and loss.
Never be too warm in your praise Of a
lady's lady-friends, Friendship should
be encouraged, not discouraged.
III am a broken man." said a peet. $50
l should think" was the answer, ''for I
have seen your pieces.
| He said he wanted her to be his help
meet; and she replied that she could new
er be more than assister to him.
| When Montague was ill, he earnestly
begged his friends to wait until he was
stronger before they called a doctor.
"You need little rouge, my dear"
said Sack Frost to the leaf. And the
leaf soon found it was drop game.
~ should like to see that gold mine,"
said Smythekins, as he watched them
counting quarter eagles in the treasury.
A hotel-kecpcr described mosquito
as "a customer who tries to get inside
the bar and take nip without paying
tor it."
Why will newspapers persist in say
ing that trees were torn up by the roots !:
when everyone knows they are torn up
by the storml
eff there's no moonlight, will you meet
me by gasligbt, dearest Jullana2" "No,
Augustus, WON'T" she said; "1'm no
gas-meter."
4 professional teacher of elocution ad-
vertises "voice buildings specially" It
is presumed he uses the rig ht kind OF
timber.
A little boy came to his mother recent
ly and said: "Mamma, should think
if was made of dust, I would get mud
dy inside when drink"
A recent picnic was turned into a hol-
low mockery by every fellow remember
Ing corkscrew and depending on some
body else to furnish the bottle.
A little Partisan mendicant followed a
gentleman, acknowledgements, give
me just a'sou, I'm an orphan by birth ~
The definition was worth ten centimes
to her.
State the difference between a grocer
selling pound of sugar, and an apothe-
cary's boy with a pestle and mortar.
One weighs apound and the other pounds
away.
"Money does everything tor a man."
said an old gentleman pompuously. "Yes,
replied the other one. "but money won't
do as much for a man as some men will
do for money"
A woman who turned up her nose and
said with sneer that she couldn't mar
ry mechanic" was ri ght after all. No
mechanic would have her. So she was
mighty right, she couldn t.
The upper section OF Franklin County,
Me. is justly celebrated for its fine focks
of Merino and grade Merino sheep,
which recent correspondent speaks in
terms Of highest praise.
''There is nothing like settling down.
said retired merchant confdentially to
his neighbor. "When gave up business,
I settled down, and found I had quite a
comfortable fortune. Ii had settled
up, shouldn't have a cent
The season of the year has come around
when young man may go to social
gathering to exchange sentiments with a
pretty young woman and over-coats with
the young man unfortunate enough to
use the most prominent peg in the hall.
| When the old gentleman comes home
and finds his daughters have got his slip
pers and the easy chair, and the evening
paper ready for him, he realizes that 1t
is the season for fall opening of his
pocket-book.
/ Heavy merchant to young man ''Y on
are now in my employ some six weeks
our conduct, your requirements are
admirable; but what admire most is
the punctuality with which you come
half an hour too late every day.
| Some women are very absent-minded
and frequently forget where they left the
dlshpan after using it, but the world
hasn't yet produced woman who eve,
forgets where she hung her false hail
before retiring.
"How far is it to Cub Creek2" asked
traveller Of a Dutch woman. "Only Shoes
a little ways" els it four, six, eight, or :er
miles?" impatiently asked the stranger
"Yas, dinks it is" serenely replied the
unmoved ga.e-keeper.
| Christmas Greeting.
Joy bells are ringing on Christmas morn
: The angels are singing that Christ is born
Friendliest greeting, mirth and good cheer
Il