Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-09-25
FUNNY0RAPHs.

EuNNxaRAPHs.
. To- TO some som n. men, popping the question is
A LAME farmer was asked if he had
corn on his toe. "No," he said, "but
I've got lots on the ear"
A LITTLE boy being asked, What is
the chief end of man?" replied: "The
end what's got the head on"
FRIEND Look here, Tom, you've
had enough" 'Mpsy youth" No such
thing: Often had too much; never had
'noug ugh."
PRovERB1AL philosophy, from Lon
see 6Ge tGb tGGabmBfsRs Bfs9S eR: geint Of view" None
don Judy.
A TOMBSTONE with single cucumber
carved upon it is oftentimes more ex-
pressive than one with ten thousand lines
of obituary poetry.--Phila. Kronikle-
Herald.
A YOUNG lady from St. Louis, visiting
in Cincinnati, says: "It's awful handy
to have big booktionary with glass
windows to keep the big dictionary and
onethinganother in"
"How to Tell Bad Eggs" is the title
of an article in an exchange. When you
have anything to tell q bad egg, you
must be careful not to break the she'll
while imparting the information.
THE Rome Sentinel has an article on
How to Detect Ripe Watermelons"
That's easily done, says the Boston Post.
You eat the melon, and if it doesn't give
you grip like Free Mason it is ripe.
A YOUNG man never feels so much at
oss what to do, as when he takes his
girl to q picnic, big ant crawls down
her back and begins to bite just above
the belt, and che begins to scratch for
help.-Middleto,on Transcript.
BULK1Ns, in referring to the time his
wife complimented him, says the coal
fire needed replenishing, and she pointed
toward the fireplace with q commanding
air, and said, "Peter, the grate."-
Bradford Era.
PRISONER, you have committed a
frightful murder; at II you have COM
mitted an atrocious crime which ranks
you with Chastine Cox and the Italian
BARRIERS. The prisoner (modestly)-Sorr,
ye father me!
The Boston Post knows of man,
victim to tobacco, who hasn't tasted
food for 40 years." As for that, we
know of man, victim to tobacco, who
hasn't tasted food for AZ years. The
tobacco killed him 1882.
A PARK policeman seeing a yellow dog
uear two handsomely y-drossod woman,
approaches respectfully and says: "Does
this beauchiful little creachure belong
to you, ladies2" "Mercy, mol" Park
policeman Qifting his cane)-"Get out
o. here, you beast"
In response to question as TO his
business, . witness replied: ~ am 9
retailer of wet goods" Wet goodsP
exclaimed the judge. "What are theyw
Liquors, your honor" said the witness.
"Oh, yes, see; you mix 'em with
WATER" responded his honor.
II WISH were you about two hours
abe said, with great tenderness: "And
why, my dearT he asked with consid-
erable interest. "Because," she said,
toying aflectionately with his watch
chain" because then would buy my
wife new bonnet"
A LAZY man, says the Yonkers Ga
zette, having wise named Hope, whose
custom it was to pull off her husbands
boots every evening, was wont to exclaim
on such occasions: Chow truly it is
said that Hope is the anchor of the
s0le.'"
The touching sentiment, "Our first
! =. Honuo,> of&op IN nhifnorv
notice in a Philadelphia paper, and the
father of the child came into the Office
raging mad. It was the third death in
his family, and he desired to know of
the clerk where he supposed the other
two had gone.-Ne,o Haven Register.
THERE will be five Sundays in next
February. Think of so much Sunday
night bliss in the shortest month. But
then this won't happen again in forty
years. Let the old gentleman remem-
Der this and be hopeful when he lays in
the winter coal supPly.-M Y E1press.
ALL the spelling reforms of all the
men in all the world will not succeed in
lessening the intensity of the schoolboy's q
affection, who scrawls on his slate with a
broken pencil, 81 luv you," and hands it
across the aisle, with big apple, to a
pretty little blue-eyed girl who reads in
the second reader.-SeubenviUe Herald.
BUT even in the most favorite elite
circles 1 never heard q better repartee
than one one delivered by q plain
country man on horseback overtaking an
acquaintance trudging along on foot.
" May I ride behind your asked the
pedestrian. "Certainly," replied the
horseman, "but not on the same horse. -
'I-Mary W. Early, on Repartee."
/ Ar q recent wedding the bridegroom,
being IN officer wore his ms at the
nuptials, A little vi brother
Of. the bride was attv ';splay
of weapons, and o. ter
whose true low e
boldly inqui' ,,...
kins comes
his saw bv
"W1
polic~ .:'
49,. e.
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