Connecticut western news., 1879-03-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

A man is not always upright who has been brought up right.
 A lady need not be an athlete, though she jumps at an offer.
 Dancing is forbidden during Lent, but fishballs are allowable.
 I-Den,t. get in debt to a shoemaker, if you would call your sole your own.
 When man begins to aatter you, hold on to your pocketbook, for that IS his objective point.
 An accountant who visited Bunker Hill Monument last summer says 1t IS the longest column he ever footed up. -.sThere are no birds in last years nest,
 But when you find in last years vest
 A dime, in what pleasant way
 9 Itmakes you feel all through the day.
 The Syracuse HcrGld fears that the Chinese may retaliate by refusing to supply us with Gre-crackers for the Fourth. ........
 -It is a curious fact that on the track of knavery misplaced switch will be found somewhere, and it is sure to wreck the train. .....
 A Sunday-school boy, on being asked what made the Tower ot Pisa lean. replied, "Because of the famine III the land" "s" "'
 Tt is a sad truth that wrong deed, AS it were, whistles itself, while It IS quite an effort to get up the proper 
 pucker for good 5eed. ...... -Once they started girls seminary in Utah. It flourished well but, just in the height of its prosperity, the prin- cipal eloped with the whole school. -Ithas been discovered that an organ | or;nder cannot be induced to visit
 neiehborhood after the residents have
 once dropped Hamburger cheese into his
 hat.
 -"W What is the name of your cat,
 9" inouired o visitor. His name
 was William" said the host, |" until ne
 had fits, and since then we have called
 him Fitz- William.
 -"Loye." said he, "what kind of a
 stone do you think they will give me
 when am goneP" Birthstone, my
 dear. without doubt," responded the
 wife of his bosom. | -"What constitutes the chief happl-
 ness of your life ?" asked ourious
 sunday-school teacher. She blusneo,
 and then replied, "It is that John mas
 at last fixed the day"
 A young lady sent twenty-five cents
 and postage-stamp in reply to an ad-
 vertisement of "How to make an ln-
 pression." and received for an answer'
 "Sit down on @ pan of dough.
 A Mrs. Bruff, of Oakland, has ap- piled for @ legal separation because, as
 her petition states, MT. B. leaves her
 "to run around with the McCracken
 boys and do things she afterwards re- grets." Mrs. Burlington, in illustration or the proverb GA soft answer turnesn away wrath" says that It is better to speak paregoricalIy of person than 10 he all the time hinging epltaphs ut him." l "A Nevada Girls Love-Letter = Dear Jimmy: It's all up. We amt ) ooine to get married. Ma says you re too rough, and I guess she's right. I'm so sorry-but can't you go to Europe and get filed down ?" "I'm rutabaga, and here's where | plant myself" said tramp as ne en- tered a farmhouse near Freeport, ILL , and seated himself at the table. we . allers bile ours," said the farmers wife, 5 and soused him with dish-panful of
 boiling water.
 t An old miser, who was notorious for . self-denial, was one day asked why he 7 was so thin. CT do not know" said the 8 miser. "I have tried various means for e getting fatter, but without success. a oHave YOU tried victuals 2. inquired the friend.
 "Please do not handle," is the Swiss request "Ne touchez pas, s'n vous o touch" bows the Frenchman "Visltors y must not touch," says John Bull, firmly n "Hands off," growls the Yankee; the j. Western people lay revolver on the - article, and say nothlng' y -"But you know, pa," said the o farmers daughter, when he spoke tc | her about the addresses of his neighbor't II son." you know, pa, that ma wants me '" to marry man of culture," "So do l y my dear, so do I; and there's no better e culture in the country than agriculture. l. "A former paragrapher has settled il a Toledo as teacher of writing. One o his scholars said to him the other day Is "Which is the proper way to make K T MT. -" The ruling passion wal J. strong in the teacher, and he replied ,s "Make K while the sun shines" Al ,e Investigating committee has been ap Id pointed, and it is feared that he wlil b T hunting a situation before long. ,- A STRANGE EXPERIMENT. The Spring le field Republican prints the followin'