The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-05-15

For gaining political ground.
An Indianian sat astride the fence
And wondered which way to jump;
He sought for some scheme-some hollow pre-
tense
Which would make him the candidate, on
year hence
When down he came, with bump.
A New Yorker sat in Gramercy Park,
But never a word said he;
His work was kept silent--his plans were al
dark,
He fondled his barrel-he was gay as a lark,
For the candate, sure, was Sam T.
In time of peas prepare for-doctol
bills.
Pedestrian tracks are generally meas
ured by foot rule.
Riding upon railroads is the pass-time
of the Legislature.
There are two things which require a
strong hold-a vessel and Sheriff.
"Ah, he died of his own accord ' sighed
the woman whose husband hung himself.
The ultimatum in the South: The man
who votes must pick the cotton; and
vice versa.
Many man allows fortune to slip
away from him while wondering how to
make it easiest.
Are inanimate objects subject to grief ?
Certainly Didn't you ever hear of
chimney sweeping?
This backward spring is excellent
weather for ague. Even the carpets have
been shaking
"I have fine bed of lettucel" boasted
the gardener. Lettuce seer' said the
hen, as he fastened to investigate.
A Michigan man has a beard seven feet
long He is the only man ever known
to get even with boarding house hash.
If Grant, when he arrives in San Fran
cisco. should accidentally meet large
party of Philadelphians, where would
the harm be
The Democrats can't cope with their
stalwart opponents in open debate-but
they can give them terrible blowing-up
in caucus.
The Ohio Legislature has accomplished
one thing 1t has shut the mouth of the
future Democratic stumper, on the sub
ject of Reform
The Louisville, KY. School Board set
tie their differences by knocking one
another down with chairs. The cause of
education is a sacred trust
There might be danger of weakness in
the back bone of the Democratic Con-
gresham. 1t should be propped by
limb from the apple-tree at Appomattox.
Truly, it seems that "life is but fleet
ing show" And we might add, the ring
masters are in Washington, and the
clowns in Columbus.
While our Democratic friends agonize
over Presidential candidate, Mr.. Tilden
sits, thoughtfully, and writes upon a
piece of tissue paper, rs. T-1SS0-$X,"
reads it over, and inwardly cnuckles.
Speaking of lecture, little boy re-
marked that "the room seemed to be
crowded until the lecturer opened his
mouth. Then there seemed to be plenty
of room.
The next time Gen. Chalmers intro
duces the petard into Congress, he should
get out of the way before the thing
blows him higher than an Indiana
editor.
Chalmers wanted the Fort Pillow mas
sacre Investigated. But the rebel ma
jority didn't want to hear any more about
it. The American people already know
enough about it.
Zach. Chandler went off again in the
Senate last Friday, causing consterna-
ton among the Democrats. Zachariah
ought to let them know when he is
loaded
If there's anything a Democratic
statesman hates to swallow, it is Truth
Zach Chandler furnished the Democratic
side of the Senate with copious doses of
it on the halfshell, on last Friday.
At New York theatre, part of the
play was fight between two women
The shrewd stage manager selected
couple of bitter enemies for this part,
and the result was jolly good, rough
and tumble fight.
"The Gubernatorial Office of Ohio is
the ante-chamber to the Presidency"
says the Cincinnati Commercial. Oh,
how tired-how very, very tired, the
Democratic candidate will get with wait
ing in the antechamber
Ae he gazed complacently upon the
crowd, and a halfmournful smile played
upon his face, he said: Good bye; I want
you all to follow me !; L m going to He"
here the inhuman Sheriff touched the
trigger, the drop FELL and he was gone.
That murderous fanatic who "played
Abraham" and killed his little girl in
Massachusetts,, was certain she would
rise in three days. Now let the courts
hang Abe, then he can see how it is,
himself. If he should never rise, it
would not partake of the nature of a
calamity.
Another evidence of our superiority
over the savage is that you might walk
through the village of the savages at