Connecticut western news., 1879-12-10
WIT AND WISDOM,

ries.
 The capacity of an ear for music does not depend upon it's sizs.
 The business of the divor,s lawyer is described as saving boats in two.
 The Indian wears moccasins and has no cats, 80 he is just as we'll off without bootIack. ...., The only time fellow ever wishes he was born 8 dog is when he has to chase sheep.
 If you starve @ COW you get only poor cream and but little of it. Just so in the treatment of your minister.
 In wicked ward barrel of whisky has more political influence than the longest tongued orator in the land.
 People who take moonlight strolls on railroad tracks shouldn't be offended if the coroner doesn't rscognizs them.
 When a woman promenades the streets leading dog it looks as if she couldn't get anything else on her string.
 You should never give advice. If the person to whom you offer it is wise he doesn't need it, if he isn't he won't take it.
 A Zulu girl isn't allowed to marry man who doesn't own COW. We sup pose that is to indicate that she is his bos. .'. An Iowa farmer fired at a quail and shot tramp. Such action is apt to make the heart of the stoutest tramp quail.
 A young lady attending balls and parties should have a fem lle chaperon until she is able to call some other chap her own.
 You may safely commit the child's clothes to the servant, but the rest ot of the little one you had better take care of yourself.
 He looked as wise as an owl, did he,
 His tricks were well adjusted, \ He declined to advertise, you sec, | And in year he busted.
 -One good turn deserves another, but it does not seem possible that there can be more than two good turns in an
 old silk dress.
 -Diogenes, being asked what beasts were apt to bite the worst, answered.
 "Ot all wild beasts, the slanderer; of all tame beasts, the ,tterer." The way to fill hall is to charge an admission of fifty cents, and then secretly distribute dead-h sad tickets. Every person receiving one will go. -s'Psople never cough after taking my medicine" wrote quaek doctor in his advertisement, and the proof-rsader
 queried it with, els it so fatal as that ?" -"If I punish you," said mamma to her little girl, "you don't suppose do so for my pleasure, do you ?" "Then
 whose pleasure is it for, mamma ?"
 Mistress MAry, these eggs are very small again." Mary" Yes,
 ma'am; shure I think must tell the dairywoman she must let the hens sit on
 them longer" A Michigan Journal says: {" Ia this State etiquette permits bride to be married without gloves, because that's the way she handles the groom after
 marriage"
 When an Afghan jumps into the public square at Cabul and asks who runs that country there are enough Eag- lishmen around to set him right. They
 first hang him and then explain. A lady who had quarreied with her
 bald-headed lover said, in dismissing him, "What is delightful abo1syou, my , friend, is that I have not the trouble of
 sending you back any looks of hair"
 A Frenchman thought he had learned the slang expression, "I have other fish to fry" by heart, and could master it at will. When invited to at tend whist party he responded, "No, thank you, I must fry some fish,"
 A stage-driver in the White Noun
 tains when asked what he thought of the Notch, replied: "Well, I was born around here, you know, and I don't mind it so much. But if should go down to New York I reckon likely I'd gawk around considerably myself" -Antisthenes very fortunately died long ago, for he would be an unpopular philosopher were he alive to-day. When comparing the value of riches with that
 of character, he said, GA man should work hardest to acquire those things which he could carry with him if he were to be shipwrecked and had to swim ashore"