davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30
Jokes upon Names,

A great many good jokes and bright
puns have been made on queer names.
Sometimes they have been really cruel
though generally they are made good
naturedly. Perhaps a witty little, cpl
gram on DR.. Leettsom, famous physi-
clan ofthe last century, was written with.
out design to wound him, but it could
hardly be read without doing him some
injury. He used to sign his prescriptions
1. Leettsom, and the following was writ
ten: ..
When any patient calls in haste,
physics, bleeds and sweats 'em;
If after TINT they choose to die,
Why, what care !? l. LEETs'EM!
It is related that Sir Thomas More said
to Mr.. Silver, who was brought before
him for some misdemeanor: Silver, you
must be tried by fire." "Yes," replied
the prisoner; "but you know, my lord.
that quicksilver cannot abide the fire! -
The promptness of the retort so pleased
Sir Thomas that he let the man go.
There is a very good story of witty
Judge, who having listened patiently to
the tedious testimony Of a witness named
Gum, dismissed him from the box thus !:
"Gunn, YOU can 20 off. You are dis
charged" In the books of the Edinburgh
custom house the dismissal of an em-
ployee, named Alexander Gum, is thus
recorded: "A. Gum was discharged for
making false report" Mr.. Isaac Came,
u rich shoemaker of Liverpool, who left
his immense property to public charities,
opened his first shop opposite the build
ing where he had been a servant, and put
up sign, which read: 81. Came, from
over the way" Somewhat like this was
the sign of tavern keeper named Dan
ger, near cambridge, England, who hay
ing been driven out of his house, built
another opposite, and inseribedit: "Dan-
ger from over the way" His successor
then retorted by putting up a new i'll
scription: "There is no Danger here
now ~
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

Why are balloons in the air like
grants?-Because they have no visi-
BILE means of support.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
Ants that keep the world busy-Ini-

Ants that keep the world busy-Ini-
ants. .a t.5.t} ai st3Eo iJia NH.
People found abroad after eleven P.
NJ. in Peoria, ILL.,, must explain them
serves. aeIgftnr 7.sgs yg. oI s.,tfa-,z
a What doesn't strike when it does
strike?-A clock, when it wont gc
81 can beat you all hollow" rs
the machinist's hammer said to the
boiler. .ED- s51'.i' Hitattff.'
Since its foundation in 1895 the pres
ent Paris mint has coined ], l,700,OO0,-
700 gold pieces. r. leaf - sqigms
A new work on chemistry contains
an article on diazoorthamido doparatolu-
ensul lphonic acid. 5R .jsy,,,l, ,yf,,
A prim spinster found fault with Nj
agara because there was too much gush
about the cataract. 80,
my dear,n said o gentleman to ilis
wife, "our club is going to have al
the home comforts Indeed" !" sneered
the wife; land when. pray, is our
home TO have aIlthe club jcomforts"
The Authors Publishing Company sent
to one of its authors, q lady novice, the
usual galley proof. She: was much
pleased, but ventured to suggest that the
book might be on better paper and the
pages not quites SO long. ~ G@H~fj aHa
The name Gotham was satirically ap-
piled by Washington Irvingto the city of
New York. 1t Is the name OF parish in
Nottinghamshire, England, the Beotian
rusticity of whose inhabitants, gained them
the application, the ".wise men of Gotham"
Full soon will violets repose
g. Beside the woodland rill; ''2asP =.
'"' And soon the balmy, crimson roseI,'
I "a VIII gem the window-sill- is Ylq
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

Zone robin doesn't make spring."
but one robbing makes thief.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30
CURRENT NOTES.

MI. David McIver, one OF the proprie-
tors of the Cunard line of steamships and
member of Parliament for Birkenhead,
writes to the London Times, declaring un-
hesitatingly that from his personal ex-
perience as carrier he does not know of
any nation whose trade prospects at pres
ent are so gloomy as Great Britain's: The
depression in the United States and else
where, he says, does not at all approach
the depression here. The British ex-
ports to the United States are compara-
lively nothing, either as regards volume
or value. The British food importations
are steadily increasing, and the balance of
trade is so Overwhelmingly against Great
Britain that he sees nothing except ruin
for home industries, whether manufac-
turing or agricultural, if the present state
of things is allowed to continue.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

those words she was killed!'' The secret
spy repeated her words to the king, and
soon she found herself going to the place
of execution, where she was left ITO
feed the vultures." No one dared to
cry, but loudly they sang songs ofpraise
to their king ~. -......s .'t.g.. ..
Greater than mountain, a." ~ -i.
Stronger than an elephant. =, -.
While at "court" a remark struck the
lady which may show how the wind
blew. A bottle on post served for a
target, for shooting matches a are all the
the bottle. The Zulu men vowed" a
good deal and exclaimed, 1--WE can never
conquer the white men if the white wo-
men can shoot like that" 'ao' n;,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

Menotti Garibaldi, son Of the general,
and Achille Fazzari, his companion-in-
arms, have been intending to sail in the
autumn with 5000 Italians for the south
ern coast of New Guinea, establish q
colony there, and found new city un-
der the name of Italia. Their object is
to find an outlet for that spirit of adven-
ture and enterprise which italian unity
aroused in many who are still young
men. Among those who are tojoin the
expedition are between twenty and thirty
now sitting as deputies in the Italian
parliament. The party will number
about 5000, and will be divided into two
parts: the military, commanded by
Signor Fazzari, for the, protection of the
settlers against the natives and the agri-
cultural and industrial, to lay the yerita-
BILE foundations of the colony and turn
the resources of the country to account.
Four steamers are to be engaged to carry
the adventures to their destination, and
to convey all the requisite stores and re-
quirements, from spades, pick-axes, saws
and planes to printing-presses and tele-
graphic cable, with which they may
place themselves at once in communica-
ton with the northernmost point of
Australia.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

Whales blubber, and, by parity of
seasoning, why not a goldfish ball ?
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

While parents and guardians would
consider themselves culpably negligent
if children under their charge should
partake of poisonous food or drink, yet
how few areequally solicitous as to the
character of the mental food supplied to
the youthful mind. Three New! York
forgers, brought back from Barbados by
the police, ascribe their crimes to the in
fluence of dime novels. 1t is not enough
that parents should simply forbid
their children reading such demoralizing
literature; it is equally important that
every household should be supplied only
with papers, books, and magazines that
are elevating and instructive in their tone
and contents. The active minds Of youth
demand some occupation, and will gravi-
tate towards that which is exciting and
stimulating, unless wiser counsels pre-
vail Let those in authority beware of
the presence frank moral poisons in the
household.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

The drowning of sixty English hussars
in Afghanistan Shows the wisdom of the
old Peninsular general who said that
every English officer and soldier should
be able to swim" 1t is true that the
strongest swimmer has little chance
against raging sea or the rush of a
mountain torrent, but, nevertheless, 4
knowledge ofswimming has saved Eng
land more than one valuable life during
her Eastern wars. In the Sikh campaign
of le45 a noted cavalry officer, when pur-
sued to the brink of a flooded river by the
enemy, slid from the saddle, and grasped
his horses name with one hand while
padding with the other. The animal,
thus lightened, swan safely to the shore.
In 1857, again, Major Thompson and
Capt. Delafosse, the only survivors of the
Cawnpore massacre, saved themselves by
plunging into the Ganges and floating
down the stream, the incessant firing of
the Sepoys from the bank serving merely
to- scare the crocodiles, who might other
wise have attacked them. They landed
when considerable distance down the
river, and, after wandering in the jungle
for two days, were picked up, half starved
and covered with sores, by a British de-
tachment.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30
,G In an old tomato-can.

|1s4a,.r ri In an old tomato-can. OF an - = -,
There was an ingenious, amount of
devotion implied il, the. remark Of .
love-sick millionaire wien the OBJECT
of his affections became ecstatic. = oyer @
the beauty OF the evening star --mUh,
do not-do not praise it, like tbat|I ne
cried; u cannot get it for you ~; 4
The French peasantry Are not yet
tired of shutting about in wooden
shoes, and France produces about four
million pairs yearly. Iney are"xeLy 'ne,y
economical and keep the feet aryIsine
best are made OF maple cnd, IN pro
vincial towns. ladies often wear them.
The Young woman who made. herself
an object of curiosity in Londen by. car
rying about Mexican beetle harnessed
by gold chain is nobody now; The
bug .cra'Tled Inside her hand 70 resi-
and was crushed by tne enehSSlasSlc S.;aSJs
greeting OF one OF .her mpulsiVe air,enas
A former paragrapher has settled in
Toledo as teacher of writing. One
of his scholars said to. him the other
days: (which is the proper way to
make K, MI" The rqlpng pas
sion was strong IN fhe teasner, sM ,, ana .,ls me
replied: Make X wn1ie stne's sun
shines" ,''n Ss'zG E"b'T is4.
At the cooking lecture, lady soliloquN-
ing: "Now that sizes got it cooked, |
wish she'd tell US how, TO, use up cold
mutton" Next, lady overhears and re-
marks: :" I have some infallible recipes.
First lady, alert with pencil AND book:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-04-30

AN EDITORS EPITAPH.
Oh, man Of shears, 81
|,.''' You've had your share
'g Oh this worlds fears
5 b.. And scanty fare. .....
II you would look
And see the lack ,'' ~
Of joy you took, IN y.
- You'd change your tack;
But now all paste
To you is past; ~ ''.''t
'" Your form is cased, 'la!0.
Your die is cast; q ~s+
Your inky quilts ...,,...
No more will qhack,
Your ,itt,o bills via g., ''l
'.. Oh Dric-a.brac a.LgI"
Ard petty squibs -d.yr
Vn,,v1 mn ,,Ora annaok
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
A strange Case Of Hydrophobia.

One day last week Captain Munson,
of Newton's Forks, was bitten. in
that district. by a skunk, and soon at
ter was thrown into horrible convul-
sions, suffering indescribably for q
few hours, when death came to his
relief. The Captain was out in the
evening, when about shutdown he
noticed the skunk fiercely cycling him
from a quaking asp bush. The Cap
tain started to retreat, when the
skunk, re-emboldened, followed, and,
overtaking him, bit him on the leg.
Selling a stone he knocked the AMI
NAL senseless and dispatched it, when
he entered his cabin to investigate the
extent of his injuries. The venomous
fangs Of the skunk had penetrated
deeply. The bitten limb swelled rap
idly, soon involving the whole body
and resulting in a confirmed case or
hvdrophobia. Medical attendance
could not be procured; but most like
ly his case was hopeless one from
the beginning. Mr.. Munson was a
middle-aged man of intelligence and
industrious habits, respected by all
who knew him. It is said he was
military detective in New Orleans
in the war times.--Rapid City (Da-
kota) Journal.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
A Natural Statue OF William Cul.
len Bryant.

The cave recently discovered on
the farm of Mr.. Reuben Zerkle, four
miles southeast Of New Market,
Shenandoah county, promises to be
Of much interest. The visitor can
find objects, if a close observer, to
represent almOst anything; for in-
stance, the white rat ascending very
beautiful column, the American
eagle, and the statue of William
Cullen Bryant, are very natural
and many other things which |
might mention, had time To emu.
merate. I think beyond doubt the
best part Of the cave is yet ia be dis.
covered, as in our travels we foand
. great many openings leading of
into other departments that have NOT
been explored. Shenandoah ('a.)
Valley.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29

A little boy was buried in this vii.
lage Wednesday afternoon of last
week who died, it is said, from the
effects of injuries while playing leap
frog. His name was James Carey,
and he is the son Of Mr.. Matthew
Carey, living on Bennett Hill. In
this game, az every school boy knows,
the participants place themselves in
row with their hands resting on
their knees and their backs bent for
ward, when the last one starts and
jumps over the heads of the others IN
front of him. The strain resulted in
An affection of the kidneys, which
caused his death on Monday.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
McCOOK AND THE UTES.
How a Bluff Colorado Governor De
posed a Troublesome Chief.

Governor McCook is the man who
caused Colorow's deposition as a
chief. During his administration
Colorow and band of Utes came to
this city and camped on the outskirts.
One day the chief sent word that he
wanted a new tent. McCook dis
patched an agent to see in what con-
dition Colorow's tent was, and the re-
port was that he did not need new
tent, and McCook accordingly re-
fused him. In the afternoon, while
the Governor was in his Office, Colo
row came in half drunk, with a re-
volver in his hand, and came over
where McCook was writing and sat
down. The Governor took in the
situation at glance, but did not look
up.
"McCook, liarr' said Colorow.
The Governor went on writing.
McCook, d-n liarr repeated
the chief.
Still McCook continued with his
work.
McCook, G d-n liar" said Col
GROW, reaching a climax.
Nevertheless McCook would not
look at him.
By this time Colorow had conclud-
ed that there was no fight in the
Governor, and allowed the hand con-
tanning the revolver to drop to his
side. The move was fatal one. In
an instant McCnok seized his wrist,
kno ked the weapon away from him,
and catching the astonished Indian
by the neck, kicked him down staiis
and out into the street, where there
were number of Utes standing
about. With great tact McCook
pointed to the prostrate and humili-
ated form of Colorow, and turning to
the Utes said: mo man to lead
braves. Colorow an old woman.
Get IA man for chief" Then turn
ing on his heel he walked up stairs.
The next day the mortified Utes de-
posed Colorow.-Denver Tribune.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
SENATOR ]. P. JONES INTER.
VIEWED.

Al9 UplHIOu NOuCcTnlux tHc COlns
stock" When a Mine Gives Ont
at 1900 Feet, That's the End Of
it,"
At midnight the reporter visited
the apartments of Senator Jones.
"This is the greatest speculative flu
rore ever known in this country" said
the Senator. "We have now intla-
ton, rank imitation, and it is just
what we want. Prices are IF
teen to twenty per cent. higher
than they were, or in other words.
the dollar will purchase so much less.
The price is the difference as the
first Napoleon put it. The pawn
brokers who buy bond for FORTY
cents and then want it paid in gold,
CRY out against the silver dollar.
Why. that forty millions of silver re-
serve in the Treasury has caused all
this prosperity-uithout it what
would have filled the vacuum Gold
is demonetized, except as a reserve,
more than silver. 1t was the conf-
dence inspired by The reserve that
started all our industries and set prices
on the upward turn. More money
meant higher prices. The man
who buys real estate in New York or
Chicago now, in three years time
will make a fortune. More silver
dollars has raised prices and set every
thing going again. The national
banks will bank bonds and thus
EXPAND THE CURRENCY
perhaps to the full extent of the ma
tional debt"
twill there be any legislation in
Congress this winter on the currency
question, Senator2"
81 think not. President-making
will ne the chief thing before Con-
gress."
"What about the mining interests,
Senator--wbat do you think of Colo
rado2"
Colorado is far Weather min
ing region than the Comstock lode
the Bonanza mines could not com
pare with Leadville, or the Silver
Cliff of the Dolores district. The b.
nanza mines seem to have petered
out. When a mine gives out at 1900
feet, that's the end of it. That Lead
vile is q wonderful camp, and the de-
posits of ore are marvelous.-N. Y.
Evening Mail.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
AN UNMANLY ACT.
4 Russian Journalist Insults 6
Whole Nation,

How fierce is the ire aroused ia
Russian breasts by Germany's sud-
den abandonment of the traditional
Prusso- Muscovite alliance, in favor
of more advantageous arrangements
with her Austro- Hungarian neigh
bors, may be gathered from the cir
cumstance that a leading Prussian
journalist has so far forgotten the
dictates of gallantry as to publish in
the Journal de st. Petersburg furi-
Gus diatribe against German women,
from which We subjoin few extracts
10 literal translation. 1t is needless
to say that this ill-judged and unpro-
voked attack has excited the indigna-
ton Of the German press to degree
wholly unprecedented. The writer
alluded to commences his article as
follows: at is we'll that German
women occupy the very last position
in the great family of European
women, not to mention that any com
parison between them and the repre-
sentatives of the two thoroughbred
classes of the European female spe-
cies, French and Russian women, is
utterly unimaginable. The German
woman, oddly enough, is completely
forlorn of womanliness She is a
sort of hybrid-a cross between a
human female and a mammal of the
lower animal tribes. Mammal, in.
deed, is just the right word for her.
German women are not endowed
with any of the feline characteristics,
such as agility, gracefulness, swift
ness Of motion, Elayfulness. They
are, In greater or less degree, COW
like. Their characteristics are vul-
garity, coarseness, dullness, helpless
ness. laziness, torpor. And all this
is so deeply ingrainsd into their ma
lures that even those among them
who experience groundless tenden.
cy towards displaying a sportive de-
meanor only remind one Of leaping
cows with wreaths of roses on their
heads" Such outrageous criticism
of women, at once the most highly
educated and domestic If their sex in
Europe, tends to SOW dissensions be-
tween nations more deeply than do
the gravest international grievances.
European Correspondence.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
ASSESSMENT NOTICE.

HNHE QUINN MINING COMPANY-LO-
Il cation of principal place Of business,
San Francisco, California location Of works.
DEVILS Gate and Chinatown Mining District.
Lyon county, NevsaS. -" Eotics In here by
given that at meeting Of the Directors. held
on the fifteenth day Of November. 1879, an
assessment Of Twenty 1--WE Cents per share
was levied upon the capital stock Of the cor.
poratiOn, payable imm ediately In United
States gold coin. to the Secretary, at the ONCE
Of the Company. Room 1914 Palace Hotel. San
Francisco. California.
Any stock upon which this assessment hall
remain unpaid on the nineteenth day Of De-
cember, 1879. will be delinquent. and adver.
tised for sale at public auction; and unless
payment Is made before. will be sold on the
SEVENTH day OF January, 1880, to pay the
delinquent assessment. together with the
costs Of advertising and expenses of sale.
T. J. BLAKENEY, Secretary.
Onhce-Room 10l4 Palace Hotel, Ban Fran.
cisco, Californis.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29

-THE improvement in business
has been brought home to US, tut not
In very pleasant manner. Our San
Francisco paper dealer writes, under
date of the Gath instant: at would
seem we are to have more prosper
Gus times in the immediate future.
Paper is up and advancing. We will
give you the lowest prices, always"
etc. What the business "boom" has
10 do with the price of rag paper is
not very clear, although Its effect is
apparent, as far as we are concerned.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
The Parrot and the Chickens.

This is an old story, but perhaps
many have not heard it before: A
man had very wicked parrot, who
swore terrible osths. To cure the
parrot of such a bad habit he was
plunged in cold water every time be
used language of the kind. One
rainy day the parrot happened to see
some dripping wet chickens passing
his cage aud so he called out: You
miserable tools; been swearing, have
your
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
ORDERED.

That thirty.nine thousand three hundred and
seventy-two (s9.372) shares OF the capital
stock Of this corporation be and the same are
hereby issued to and In the name Of T. j
Blakeney, Trus.ee. in trust for the stockhold.
ers of the Quinn Mining Company Of Nevads,
whose certificates issued by the said last.
named Company have not been surrendered
to this Company; and that such stockholders
be entitled to receive from said Blskeney
certificates for shares in this Company In lieu
of their shares in the said Quinn Mining
Company of Nevada, upon their surrender Of
the said last-named shar ami the payment Of
assessment No. l, this day levied. at any time
before the sale of delinquen, stock held In
pursuance Of such assessment.
By order of the Board of Directors.
7. j. BLAKENEY, Secretary.
Ofice-Room 1914 Palace Hotel, San Fran.
cisco, california.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
ANNUAL Meeting.

rUVHE ANNUAL MEETING OF THE
ii stockholders of the Amazon Consoli-
dated Mining Company will be held ct the
ONCE Of the Company, Room ~, No. 2O3 Bush
street, San Francisco, California, on TUES
DAY. the twenty.hfth day Of November, at
the hour Of two O'Clock p. NJ, for the election
Of q Board OF Directors to serve for the en-
suing year, and for the transaction of such
other business as may come before the meet
ing. JOHN CROCKETT, Secretary.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29

LONDON EDITORS are faring
badly, just now. Within month
three Of them have been convicted of
libel, heavily fined, and one of them
imprisoned for number of years.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
a BRIEF REPORT of an inter.

a BRIEF REPORT Of an inter-
view had with Senator Jones by q
reporter Of the New York Mail, is
published In another column. Sen.
ator Jones IL heavily interested in
the Comstock, the Crown Point mine
being still under his control. In
that mine the workings have attained
. depth Of nearly 5000 feet, and
prospecting operations are still being
pushed with great vigor. This being
the case, Senator Jones's statement
shat "when q mine gives out at
1900 feet, that's the end of it," will
be considered very remarkable, to
say the least. It is lucky for us
Comstockers that, besides the leading
biologists Of the world, there still are
capitalists who disagree with the
honorable Senator as to the continu-
ance, in depth, of assure veins.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
PHYSICIAN shot a,

ANOTHER PHYSICIAN shot at
by q woman. In San Francisco, this
time. The doctors name is c. M.
Bates; the woman's, Helen Masterson.
If this thing goes on, it will soon be
- dangerous to be q medical prac-
titioner as it is now to be editor Of a
newspaper.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1879-11-29
POsTPoNEMENT.

The annual meeting Of stockholders OF the
Amszon Mining Company has been postponed
to Tuesday, December 2.
By order of the Board Of Directors.
JOHN CROCKETT, Secretary.