The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-07-19
VARIETY.


IL S-i-o-U-x spells sue, and eye spells i, and
sighed spells side, why doesn't i-o-u-xe-y-e
sighed spell suicide?
Philosophers say that shutting the eyes makes
the sense OF hearing more acute. A wag says
that this accounts for the many elosei eyes that
are seen in church.
In India from 10000 to 10000 persons per-
ished from the cholera while returning from a
religious fair; and eastern exchange infers
that church fair ice cream is the same all over
the world.
Young man, in beginning courtship, be sure
you don't write, and then 90 ahead
Ii isa peculiar feature Of the butter market
that bad article outranks good one.
A country blacksmith out West put up notice !;
"a No hoses shodded Sunday except sickness and
DEATH
A cynical man insists that the fewer relations
or friends we have, the happier we are. In your
poverty they never help you-in your prosperity
they help themselves. H
A printers toast Woman-the fairest work
in CREATION The editinn IA vary largo. and no man
should be without copy
poet sends us some verses beginning, '' Now
inspiration, seize my muse" Hence the reason
that we call our waste basket " inspiration
An epitaph in Maine cemetery asserts
The wedding day appointed was
The wedding clothes provided
He aiefsned and he dieded'
.s And phat does yez AZ for the ealikers?''
Six cents ma am" a. Saxteen? Ole give yez
6ffeen.', You misunderstood me, ma am. L
said six cents" % Och, then, Ole give yez fove
cents''-BostOR Transcript.
member OF Scotch School Board recently
began an address TO some children thus: 60 Moo,
ma barns, wor a like ships-some in ports, some
oot IN mid-oceaD, an some near the haven.
Ye're just ieaSnin' tae port as for me, I'm half
seas over.
-. l.. I,st ,,oot~ n Moth Hill man mazda a
n wager that be could eat 80 eggs in 80 minutes.
He Lost his money. The first egg did the busi-
ness for him. 1t was no young, giddy, inexperi-
enced egg. Ii was venerable old cage, and it did
Il with It's little hatch't
parishioner OF Berkshire pastor was asked
what the color Of the parsons eyes was. He
didn't really know, - for" he said, " when be
nrays his eyes are shut, and when he breaches
generally shut mine"
..Shc season is at hand, says the Boston Courier,
~hen n whole family will carry their dinner three
ar four miles into the woods, and sit down among
the bugs and ants and snakes to eat it. They call
Second class in grammar, stand upl' said
the schoolmastcr. John is-who does John
correspond with - 4" know" said the small
how az the foot of the class, holding up his hand
ss Il YOU mean John Smithers, be corresponds
with my sister Susan
A SoLExS WARNING.-TelI me, ye angelic
hosts messengers Of love, shall swindled printers
here below have no redress above? The shining
nn1el band replied, I" To us is knowledge given
5eiinouents on the printers book can never enter
heaven"
AZ the salon in Paris, before an admirable por-
,rnit of n gentleman well known for his rare
oualities as q bore, n visitor said ' That Is
sneaking likeness Of y. isn't it?' Yes, re-
riied his companion, 80 so speaking that you can
hardly refrain from telling him to shut up
An ambitious young clerk in a wholesale
vrocerv establishment resolves to enter the civil
Sserviee and so presents himself before the ex-
aminers One OF the questions is, 50 What Is
.-ofss and where does it come from?"
a %. come now, you know, says the candidate
1sI can't give away the boss-allow me to plead
,,rivileee. That's a professional secret.
The other day. says the New Haven Register,
-, Irisbman evidently not long resident Of this
country walked mp to the ticket Office in the
TT1ion depot and said to Alderman States
- Give me ticket for Easthampton."
ss Massachusetts, or Connecticut? 2? asked the
veniaI dispenser Of pasteboard.
ss Naythur. want a ticket to Easthampton"
as T g1dcrstand, but there are EasthamptOn's in
ho,b this State and Massachusetts,, exclaimed
Ai. :. F~;ad an is that so? Which one does it
costs the most to go to ?' asked the son of Erins
'''s - Nassachusetts.' answered Mr. State.
s. Well, then, be the powers, III take the
cheapest one! 81.
to Fasthampton, Connecticut, and he got aboard
the Air Line train apparently quite happy
u;.annearance on his recent visit to Montreal
Nth lis regiment; whittier he went to assist in
essbrang the queens brthd1y Is Mr mus RseePer
dre~sed with the greatest Of care, the white
i.,..es n his chapeau being freshly curled' his
Pss- e-aIets (which be now wore for the first
s;mel eIsttering in the sunshine, and velvet ana
cold cross cockade being fastened on the sioe q
s'.n{Ie of his sword was carefully polished, ana
= nsfr Of gt spars were fastened to his boots