Connecticut western news., 1879-09-17
WIT AND WISDOM.


 that he could keep three dogs.
 A sporting man has named his horse Blood, because he is great goer. Don't be ambitious to drive four in-hand. Life you know, is but span.
 Hope walks on crutches, but Con- fidence strides without the aid of cane.
 There are enough selfish men to accept all the sacrifices woman can make. @ a FS.rT
 Kerosene oil will fuddle. as well as whiskey. Anyhow, it makes looomo- tive's head light. ".7s
 Three feet make yard Very true; but two feet unmake it mighty qulok' provided they are hens feet. %4
 A little boy being asked, 'sWhat IS the chief end of man ?" replied '" The end what's got the head on.
 What paradox to say that eout rms m family. Whoever saw gout even make decent attempt at walking '
 -The cucumber must add largely to the census returns, for it doubles up the popuIation of the country every summer
 The suicide of a plumber is reported. v,icl in view of the advanced stage or the season, the Boston Post regaros aS remarkable. I11
 We once enjoyed the music oi Q drum, says the Boston Post. We knew our enemy over the way had O baby 10 put to sleep. The Buffalo Express thinks tnat women can never play ball satisfactorily until they are permitted to use tnear aprons to catch with.
 An exchange says fullness under the eye denotes language. The eulsol has probably been knocked down TOT something he had said. A
 Another one of the pleasures oh school boys is gone. A Pennsylyanian has invented machine for playing 'l' tat too, automatically.
 -awell, Billy" said an old farmer, "vben you take off that Gre plug usS and spit two or three times, there @ln much of you left, is there T'
 We do not complain. says the bui- falo Erpress, that Canada has taken our Sitting Bull. Why, she can have our Mormons, too, if she wants them.
 Professor in law recitation: MT. -. what is exousable homlciao Senior, promptly: "E "Excusaoie nom, eide is when man kills himself m sen- defence" aa
 We sometimes hear of q scandal being given out, but the Boston fose knows of several which have been going the rounds for years and are not gwen out yet.
 The gang of burglars who work for seven straight hours to hammer Q saie to pieces to secure fourteen cents, know how country minister feels next oay after donation visit. ~"
 A horse, it is said, can remember for ten years. The animals memory VIII lose much of it's retentiveness, the Bos- ton Globe thinks, when he becomes sui fciently evoluted to borrow money. The London Telegraph deprecates inc multiplication of clubs, and remarks: "Time was when the most natural plea sure of young men of education con- sisted in the society of cultivated and | refined ladies'"
 More dried apples are consumed m St. Louis than in aay other city of its size, and envious neighbors remark that this is probably for the purpose ot swelling the population before new directory is published, ,9rat A man at Chicopee, Mass, thought it good joke recently to gather O bucketful of potato bugs from his own garden and throw them over into that ot his neighbor. A suit for damages has made the joke seem less apparent.
 The OWego Record sums up the conclusions of woman's rights con- vention in the following couplet:
 The saddest sight we ever saw ' | Was the woman who lived for the sake of her jaw. "...t4 z~
 Metropolitan Railway station. Swell, in taking his change, drops a penny-looks at it wistfully, but leaves it. British Workman (pouncing on it, to bystander). "There, that's what l call puffect gentleman P .,s..t, '.:
 A gentleman learned in the origin of social customs was asked the meaning of casting an old shoe after newly married couple as they start on thelr trip. He said: 'To indicate that the chances of matrimeny are very slippery"
 A young man who went to circus and stepped too near the monkeys cage had lis arm seized and savagely ierked by one of the monkeys. He,would have escaped safely had he not said sit was merely a monkey wrench" but when they heard that the infuriated crowd threw him into the lions cage. This is the season when the farmers colt dies, and the simple-minded ruralist empties charge of buckshot into the carcass and carries it up into the woods, l and then lies in wait for the, first tourist who hunts through those woods, and horrifes that hapless Nimrod by want ing him to explain why he shot the val uable animal and make restitution,