Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-05-16
F. u n. I.

F. u N!
"PEER AND PoL0eNY. ''-"Dis mon, he
comes into my blaze last night and calls
for peer and pologny," began the witness
Is George Dart was handed out by Bijah.
ST amt the man. replied tho prisoner
with cheerful promptness.
mo talking back, % said the court. ''Let
the witness tell what he has to say, and
then you can have chance"
..Vhell. Shudge, he comes into my blace
und gif him peer und pcldsny. und he
eats und thinks, und vhas going away
mitout paying, vhen dakes him by der
collar. He strikes me here und here. und
he dries to pite me, und I hat to call der
police"
snow, I'll tell you how it was" said
the prisoner. sThe beer was all right,
only too much vinegar in it, but that bo-
logna had a ten-penny nail in it, and when
/ shut my teeth on it I broke two of 'em
of and nearly killed me. ferefused to
pay-of course did. I amt going to pay
for bolognas with nails in 'em. 1 buy my
hardware at one place and my bolognas at
another"
''My graciousl What sthory-vat
sthoryv' groaned the witness.
Where is that bologna with the hard
ware lining?" asked the court.
81 left it on the table, SIR" replied the
witness.
"Und I hat it in my pocket, Shudge,
und proves what sth0ry he dell. Here
it ish."
But it wasn't there. He felt all over
himself, from top to basement, but the
link was missing. It had dropped by The
wayside to be seen no more.
"Py golly! Py gollyl'' gasped the wit
ness Is he gave his body last search.
produce your hardware coolly OBJ
served the prisoner.
ALTHOUGH there is missing link in
the evidence" remarked the court as he
gathered up his papers, sit is evident that
the prisoner was inclined to raise row
when be should have have accepted an ex
PLANTATION. shall therefore fine him S."
ssFine mo S. because l couldn't bite
through tsn-penny nail p exclaimed the
prisoner.
sDot il shust right, Shudgs, shust
right" chuckled the witness.
sThis is world of accidents and sur
prisss, Mr.. Dart, and We should always be
prepared for east-iron Bolognas or even
stranger things. and to gently demand *
plantations instead of throwing beer
tumblers. You will have to pay or 60 up
for thirty days.
The prisoner tried to borrow IS Of the
witness, and failing in this he went up.
THE MAN WHO DOESN'T VoTE.-Tbe
man who had fully made up his mind
never to poll another vote was around
at tho last election. He was heard OF Oh
the street corners and in the groceries fol-
. fortnight previous, and it did him hea
of good for men to reply to his assertion:
"Oh, don't say that, Mr.. Jorkins. We
can't spare you from politics-indeed We
can't" A4sf J
But he was obstinate. He had delibera-
tely and carefully made up his mind not
to 90 near the polls, and no arguments
could move him. Even when men pre-
dlcted that both parties would be smashed
to pieces if Mr.. Jorkins didn't come out,
he wouldn't relent. During the morning
Of election day he expected callers-infu-
ential citizens to entreat him for heaven
% +; Sc
the country-but they didn't call. He
also expected to hear rumOrs that the
whole election had been declared "off" Oh
account Of his absence, but no such ru-
uors came.
Mr.. Jorkins walked ont after dinner.
And truly hoped he would not meet any
of the candidates and be rushed to the
polls, apd-he did't meet any. He expect
ed that every citizen would wildly demand
il he had voted yet, but not one of the hun
dreds he met said word about election.
On the contrary, they talked about bilious
fever catsrrh, the hard times, the weather
etc. Even when Mr.. Jorkins accidentally
walked past his ward polling place no one
rushed for him. He went home and gave
orders that no callers should be admitted.
and had almost persuaded himself that
there had been no election, when his son
came home and said that it was the big
.sest election he ever heard.
,.But didn t vote, persisted MI. Jor-
kins..
81 know, father; but the party went
right on just tho same"
st didl'
.Yes, father; and We saved tho coun-
Try"
"You did Didn't they ask for meP"
"WelI, / heard one man ask for you
and some ono told him your vote wasn't
worth sending hack for, and so they
didn't seud.'
An now he rubs his hands and says: |
by the great Mogul but didn't We just
clean 'em out Of their boots?"
This il the week When the languid lady |
vho finds the Sunday morning promenade
% church, two blocks away, excessively
'atixuinR, takes in on an average ten
spring openings every. day. ascends and
,escends probably three miles of staircase,
md walks around several thousand coun
,ers and show cases without exhansting
,erself in the least.
There il but one object in the world which
yill attract a young lady's attention from
he handsome young man whom she
aeets on tho street, and that is another
roman with hat two laps ahead of any