davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

"a LCstAby, g., H! e Z. lI'i 4 ]
A young man who left Cuthbert q
year ersosge tcfollpy GREELEY 30
vice, returned some time since per-
fealy diaepsted Nlth IeIasa an he
return he had been asked 30 many
questions thatsscMs misehievcus boy
had, printed md posted, op hia hat
his usual reply, '.Darn II Tex = Gun
young friend walked around on town 8
whole day before be "a discovered Fhat
his hit Was ~ posted ID d i,sa4
Everybody he met would p a reg,
'.Darn Texas" when he would cay 4
ssMyI friend, have you been t Y sgla too'
1 don't blame yon for what N YOU SPY ~
After meeting go many lpl ", End end al
readinglbe thought exclsaiimainng) Darn q
Texas" he began to say 70 himself !;
Gan emigrant agent from r M, Texas
would get 2 cold shopl .!.a' hereai !
know enc thing, the people Of Of my Old
home speak my sentiments !irll y publicly
expressed, Darn Texas .Iq a,lIs,s 8.
I, Just then he met another, who read,
"Darn, Texas!" f;;t.,t ,i9ssle,.4 besa
'Bully for yop, old a, hoy, Your lr,l bend
is level, sure. Darn Texaal' I've b been y
thar, and know whereof I speak, 4
"But what have you got i posted a1 4
on your hat for r. i,,s,,,3a 80 Ii +
l., For the frat time during the q. day lle
lifted his hat and read in bold letters,
"DARN TEXASv' Ist Y,o,sz sil4 /
He switched of imp ny !t1il ely to TN
poor fellow who put up th.t sign p' 7
his hat, and Of all the anathepss apt
double and twisted, chain Lightning l u
that poor fellow caqahttit II Ae coult
have been found just then . m p
tured cyclone would have had hin
whirling in the Dir, sle,lota ,dT
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

When an old backwoodsman was
about to take his first ride on q Missis-
sippi steamer he was asked whether
lie would take deck or cabin passage.
"Well," said he, in resigned sort Of
way, .Pye lived all my life in a cabin
and guesseabin passage will be good
enough for a rough chap like me-
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
=Ha7=7aI 17TTa9T7 II7.TaV 49, iaINa JAM

long before he set up farm house
far finer than the one in which his.
brother lived, and with the auern he,
ground 50 much gold that he covered.
it with plates of gold; and as the
farm lay by the 'seaside the golden
house cleaned and glistened far away
over the sea, All who y. sailed by put
ashore to see the rich man in the
golden house, and to see the wonder,
full qcern, the fame Of which spread!
far and wide till there was nobody,
who hadn't heard tell Of it. 3,
So one day there came skipper,
who wanted to see the qnen, and the
first thing he asked was i it could
grind salt. Ed sI,s.,d.i544,.3
"Grind salt !" said the owner, |
should Just think it'cOuld.1 1t'can
grind anything. "'''' ..., a.f, .,I, s.
When the, skipper heard that ne
said he must. have the quern, cost
what it would; for if he only had it
he thought he should be rid i'd, Of s his
long voyages across stormy seas for a
lading of salt. Well, at first the man
wouldn't hear Of parting with the
quern, but the. skipper begged and
prayed 10 hard that at last he let him
have it; but he had to pay many,
many thousand dollars for 1t. Now,
when the skipper gqt the ans. auerpl On o@l hli
back he toon made off with it, for liz
was afraid lest the man should change
his mind !; SO he had no time /, to t.'.1 Ash
|how to handle the quern,. but so o.
board his ship as fast al he conld ant
set sail. When he had sailed a goot
way off he brought of the quern bf
deck and said III, ,i4',o, .s,g liz /
"Grind salt, and grind both goo
and fast" aaleI4i 49,
Well, the. quern began to grind sal
80 that it poured ont like water, AM
9 when the skipper got the ship full h
wished to stop the quern, but which llilceh
ever way he turned it was no good
the quern kept grinding on, and til
/ heap Of salt grew higher and higher
! and at last down sunk the ship, i
& There lies the Quern at the bottel
of the sea and grinds away at thl
!, very day /; and that is the reason y VIII
, the sea, is salt. IN f,g
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

A Boston lawyer, badgering q, wit
ness, said sternly: ~ believe, sir,
you served a sentence in the State
prison p "Yes,n was the unconcerned
reply. ~ was in the State prison,
and had the misfortune to occupy
the cell your brother had vacated"
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
THE REASON WHY.

In any man asks why the times are
hard and no money in the country, let
him answer in the fact that seed oats,
potatoes and onions are all brought
from the Northern States; that axe
handles, hoe handles, names, single
trees and plows are all imported from
the prosperous regions beyond Mason
and Dixon's line Decatur Ne,rs.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

"Do you reside in this city I" asked
masked man q q masked lady at q
masquerade party the other evening.
He felt sick when she said to him ina
low voice: "Don't be q fool, John; !
know you by that wart on your
thumb It was his wife.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

Every man who goes to the Consta-
tutional Convention should work ear
nestly for FIVE points; 4a1Ja lI.d.
l. For Baton Rouge as the State
Capital. ESQ 90 II " il alGi1 iei,'
2. A reputation Of all frauydall lien
created debts. .,,.e lo.,;a,
3. Smaller salaries and for less OH
GERS. 'a il t7lhoAHI's' 500
/, 4. Biennial sessions Of the Legisla
ture. - 90 ~ T.'',....., 'T...a...t
S. The passage of general Home
stead law.-Patriot- Democrat. io2'
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
! HEAD BY idosH).

of. the contestants in a,western' spell
ing school will appreciate this, incl
dent from Edward Eggleston's lelni-
niscences Of his schooldays, published
in March Scribncr. He says: d b
ssIt was in the same old Bethel
schoolhouse, about the same time the
master, one Benefel, called out the
spelling class, Of which my mother,
tliena little girl, was usually at'the
head. The word given out twas Ton
ion." l suppose the scholars at the
head Of the class had not recognized
the word by its spelling in studying
their lessons. They oil missed II
widely, spelling it in the most ingeni-
ously incorrect fashions. Near the
foot of the class stood a boy who had
never been able to climb up toward the
head. But Of the few words he did
know how to spell, one was ''onions.' =
When the word was missed at the
head he became greatly excited, twist
ed himself in the most ludicrous con-
tOrtiOns az it came nearer and nearer
to him. At length the one just above
the eager boy missed, the master SAID
"next," whereupon he exultingly
swung his hand over his head ant
came out with, con, un, ion, yum
ingun; I'm head, by gosh!T and HI
marched to the head. triuInphantly
while the master hit him a blow across
the shoulders for swearing. 81. iael
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
HE COULDN'T TAKE A. HINT.

81
saM Ford WAS ny Sisters beau.
All awkward lubber with red hair
and d 'ffeckled face. But Sarah Jane
liked lin, ahd would tlate up quick
if any one ran On Sam. .1ss
ID He used to come to spark her every
Sunday night regularly, and sled !,
Ispend the whole afternoon getting
ready for him, WHY, the amount Of
shaii oil that girl used was enough to
'Break' a Wall street broker When
ut last shea got c,lrled 'ip 10 kill,
Shea take the little fire. shovel With
some hot GOALS On it and start for the
best room. p''' 800
Then / knew It was. time. | would
always Slick my hair and hang around
until / heard Saan's knock, and then
while. sarah Jane was letting him in,
slip into.the parlor and seat myself in
the best chair. s"'e =
[ This always made her mad, butts but she
wouldn't let on because she wanted
him to, think she had a. sweet DISPOSE
ton. IotayYa2 ihe8
/ But the wiles that girl used to prac-
tice trying to routine out Of the room
"Jimmy DEAR" she would remark,
l"won't you rim out and bring me in g
few sticks Of woodq'', III. COON.
! s""No, Sarah Jane, I won't Jimmy
dear. Whylldon't,.you holler--'Jim
you get me some wood, quick, or II
break yourhead LEST as you do whel
aSaM aint'hefei" 'i'ai1sq i!"fi''3 s
:. "Wh!y,, Jimmy, Jimmy, do! don't tel
such, ss}toEiesF 5aA + (, f , i . m
"Tis o,an' you know it. III tel
dyou,,6 am---N ~, f,i-lo tas'ai ~
eo"Jiminy, mother is calling YOU"
Ashe amt neither You're a YIN
4 Sarah Jane..n . bid e'i1ls ., ~
"''Jimmy, come here, | want to whis
per something to YOU" }o
,ll"No you don't; you jes want t
9 pinch my ears. I shan't do it" qi%
: Jimmy, don't you want to po
some corn for us z"
E,p','"Oh, yes, / sec, You want me to g
up an pop some corn so Sam For
can pop the question to you. Da
said last week he thought it wa
(about time, for hs vas getting tire
ofAis coming here sitting up night
LA wastin', all the oil and wood ft
nothing" j. .il
"James Hastings, how can you te
: that fa1sehood!' There is not a wol
8 word Of truth in what lhe says" b,
"Every word IS tr,,e.-you know
is an you sai,--.'''9 En'h " e
'""Jimmy, you haven't J., watercd y ,
horse; go this. minute MINI ga and ID do it,
: father will punish you.' nj
? IN haint. Ihaye too, and you SCI
INC a DOM it, Oh, yes! you'd like
: glt me to 60, SO you can sit in sa
= Ford's lap and lo1l. your head onto i
. shoulder, as I seed you the other mig
% when me an Bill Jenkins peeped
= the winderu Hee, heel" Ii Qoas
!. "yim,,n interpossd'Sa persuasivel
y "theree's some candy under my bug
- seat" s.,t,, ipr,;ii,i. Ks 81, 30
7 No there amt, nuther. That
y what you told me last Sunday, 8
- Sunday fore that besides lots Of oth
times. I've looked an 9 there wal
7 never none there DIE r9la9el.iHl
~ &c. "DDoon't you want to take my JAG
u knife and whittle' olta top9"a iaii
g 70 "No, \ don't want to whittle a
y tops. Seems. tp me your . setti
-. .anxious-yor hair looks pretty re-
=. "Excuse me minute, SAM. Sc
en- Sarah, and when Sarah Jane left
he room I always knew better be git'
III before mother got in with the. "lo
IN istick,n r,q.9T 10 dAao 3H
f. Il.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

Nice law point recently raised ss dai,l in
Houston, Texas: Candidate promises
voter a pony for his vote and influ-
ence. Pony falls dead ON the street
while being taken to his new owner
Health officials desire voter to abate
nuisance. Voter declares the pony
was not completely in his possession;
also, that it never was out of'the can.
didate's, the bargain being void as
being corrupt. " ~
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
WHY THE SEA IS SALTY.

Once on time, but it was long ago,
there were two brothers--one was
rich and one poor. Now, one Christ
mas Eve the poor one hadn't so much
as a crumb in the house, either meat
or bread, so he went to his brother to
ask him for something to keep Christ
mas with, in Gods name. 1t was not
the first time his brother had been
forced to help him, and you may
fancy he wasn't very glad to see his
face, but he said:
''If you will do what l ask you to
do, III give you whole fitch of ba-
con-" .,.'
SO the poor brother said he would
do anything, and was full Of thanks.
Dwell, here is the fitch" said the
rich brother, "and now go straight to
hell.n ,n
"What have given my word to do
must stick to, said the other; 80 ne
took the fitch and set off. He walked
the whole day, and at dusk he came
to place where he saw very bright
light.
"Maybe this is the place." said the
man to himself. So he turned aside,
and the first thing he saw was an old
man, with long white beard, who
stood in an clubhouse hewing wood
for the Christmas fire. flt,
"Good even," said the man witt
the fitch.
"The same to you whittier are yOr
going so late ~ said the man.
"Oh! Pm going to hell, if l onl.
knew the right way" answered thu
poor man.
"Well, you're not far wrong, 70
this is hell" said the old man; "whe1
You get inside they will be all TO
buying your fitch, for meat is scare
in hell but mind you, don't sell !
unless you get the hand quem whic
stands behind the door for it. Whe
you come out I'll teach you how t
handle the quern, for it's good to grin
almost everything i1f,i
So the man with the fitch thanke
the other for his good advice, an
gave a great knock at the devil
door. .s..,.
When he got in, everything we1
lust as the old man had said. A
the devils, great and small, can
swarming up to him like ants aroun
an ant-hill, and each tried to outbi
the other for the fitch.
"Well!' said the man, "by RICH
my old dame and | ought to have tn
fitch for our Christmas dinner, b
since you have all set your hearts
it, Isuppose l must give it up to yo7
but if / sell it at all, I'll have for
that quem behind the door yonder.'
At first the devil wouldn't hear
such bargain, and chartered al
haggled with the man; but he stu
to what he said, and at last the de-
had to part with his quern. VIII
the man got out into the yard
asked the old wOodcutter how he W
to handle the quern, and after he n
heard how to use it, he thanked t
old man and went home as fast as
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

Patriot Democrat We are deci-
idedly in favor Of the approaching
Convention expressly STIMULATING that
all present officials shall serve out the
term for which they were elected.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

You may mend a rent in a damaged
reputation SO that it may not show,
but you can never make the reputa-
ton quite whole again.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22
THE CITY Of MEMPHIS.
[Alleqan Journal. !

Us 'fr
Once upon q time the great city Of
Lisbon was swallowed up i'll an earth
quake. At another time d seething
mountain boiled over and the two
great clues of Pompeii and Hercula-
neum were buried out Of sight. Quite
az great wonder has occurred in our
own modern times. A few weeks
ago the renowned city Of Memphis
stood in activity and grandeur on the
banks of the Mississippi river! Now
that city is blotted out Of existence
and its place shall be known, No no NOR more
forever, This wonderful event was
brought about by act of the general
assembly Of the State Of Tennessee.
That body, repealed the city q. charter lt1
and remanded the people who were
supposed to have lived there to terri
torial vassalage. The mayor then
resigned, and the council adjourned
sine die. h. sA ..s.tsl bj.l3) ipijEm
The cause Of this strange transact
ton was, a desire to- repudiate a city
| Indebtedness Of about $5,OOO,WO.
Prompt taxpayers had been paying
over and over for years, while delini-
quents had escaped altogether. The
! back taxes of the. city had now
amounted to $2,Wo,OoO, and the nler-
chants and respectable business men
refused to pay any longer, until the
law should be executed against all
classes. A continuance Of the charter
would have subjected the city to pay
a mandamus assessment Of $4,000
this year, and seven per cent, OF Of the II
entire taxable values Of the city IN
two OF three years more. '#s - d
It remains to be seen whether the
people have escaped the payment OF !
their just debts Or not, whether, by
hiding their heads in the sand, like
ostriches, they have placed their pro-
perty within the reach Of honest cred
itors. The better way would have
been to make the best compromise
possible, and if they cannot pay the
whole debt, at least make an honor
: able effort to pay apart.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1879-03-22

Don't bctray any. ones confidence.
The Phoenix herald., 1879-03-22
LEGAL
Notice.
OFFICE OF CLERK OF BOARD OF SUPER
 vIsORs OF MAKICOPA COUNTY A T. }

OFFICE OF CLERK OF BOARD OF SUPER
 vIsoRs oF MAKICoPA COUNTY A T.
 Whereas by an net of the Tenth Legisla- tive Assembly of the Territory of Arizena. entitled an act to provide for the erection or county buildings in the county of MaIieope. ayd other matters relating thereto. the Boaid of supervisors of the conHty of Maricopa Ee authorized to issue bonds or said county sf Maricopa in any sum not exceeding S4OOoo-O for the erection of county buildings or saiu county and whereas, by the provisions Of said act the board of supervisors of sald coun- " of Maricopa are required 10 ahopt plans ana specifications of said county buildings within ninety days from the passage oi said act 7 and, whereas said board of supervisors by the pro visions of said act are authorized and empow- cred to appropriate a sum rot to exceed S1oo tor the procuring of plans and specifications for the erection of county buildings as aforosaid Now therefore, il is ordered that the olerk or this Board be and he is hereby directed to ad- vertise for plans and specifications for the cree ten of a cou house and jail for said county of Maricopa The said buildings not to cost to extend $2S 000 the said court house 10 contain the following rooms, to vii: District Court room, Clerk o flee, two jury rooms, Recorders office, Treasure s office, SheritTs office Dis trict Attorneys office. Collection office, Probate Judges office and Public Administrato s office. The iai to be of sufficient size to contain six iron cells of the usual size, together with suitable iailors room rooms. and may be in the basement of the court house or otherwise,
 
 It is further ordered that the snm of S3e0 cash be paid out of money provided in said act for the plan and specifications which may be adopted by the board that all plans and specifications wlich may te submitted br not adopted shall in become a county charge, but that all parties submitting such l plans upon demand made within three months after their rejection by the board shall be en- l titled to the that the persons submitting | plans and specifications which are adcp ed shall ] before receiving pay therefor guarantee that the contract price of said buildings shall nos exceed the amount estimated in said plans l That said advertisement be published in the i PHENIX HERALD and in the weekly San Fran cisco Examiner for the space of one month. that plans will be received by the Clerk of the Board up to and including the 18th day of | April, 1879. That on the IS h day ot April. 1879, the Board will proceed to examine and pass upon such plans may be submitted, and | il is further ordered that the board reserve the right to reject any and all plans and speeifiea- tions which may be submitted.
 W. r. MCNULTY, Clerk.
 Dated March 10th, 1879. 64-lm
The Phoenix herald., 1879-03-22
FOR THE LADIES.

Do not kiss the baby unless you want the diptheria. Female babies, Rt. seventeen, not dangerous.
 Kissiag and hugging are each dan xepous- according te medical authori- ries; and womanTs only escape from both is marriage.
 A rollicking young man after con- templating the subject in it's various phases, boldly declares that a rosy cheek is pink cushion
 There is no reason why the woman shouldn't have the ballot box Ii she wants it,. after the election is over and r1ere is no. further use for it.
 A Kansas man who offered bail for a friend was asked by the judge if he had any membranes on his farm "Oh, yes," said he, ''my old woman"
 Careful housewife Qitting a shoe from the soup tureen)-"Lai who'd a thought baby's shoe would turn up in the soup? But I knew it wasn't lost. Inever lose anything.
 An impossible feat for female pc destrian is to walk a thousand miles in thousand hours past one thous- and millinery stores displaying the latest styles of spring bonnets-
 4 dry goods clerk, who speakE with the air of one who has had eXperi- ence, says he knows of no "counter- irritant'' equal to the woman who shops without any intention of buy ing.
 A Covington butcher has opened a shop exclusively for ladies. It IS pro vided with carpet, chairs, piano. etc, and every woman is expected to be at least forty-five minutes ordering seven cents, worth of meat.
 Matrimony and love making through the columns of newspapers are on the rise in Germany and Aus tria. Vienna and Berlin newspapers have agencies for such purposes, and the business, reported to be profitable, is carried out on a cash basis.
 He was just married, and was about engaging a valet. After some other questions he asked the man who had presented himself: Are you mar ried ?" "No sir, but I understand Monsieur need not be alarmed, Twill treat madame as if she were my own daughter"
 Zula men are not permitted to mar " until they are forty years of age The result is that their wives fine them very much set in their ways They smoke in bed, refuse to ligh the fire, and have no more perception of the requirements of full growl baby than mule has of the shortc catechism.
 Before marriage,-"Oh, my darling your voice is as musical to me as vespsr bell whose tones fall softly ol the perfumed evening air! Speal again, and say those words, my love for could listen to your voice unti the stars are extinguished in ever lasting night!" After marriage i've had just enough of your claT per, old woman, and if you don't le Ur TslR leave inc hOuseps
The Phoenix herald., 1879-03-22
Proposals for Transportation.
HEApQR's DEPT OF ARIZONA. Ar.,-rlr, Crrnr.r, AI. 1,crI, I,Nf sIrn

HEADGg K ; 1iEP' I tif AlSiLONA-
 OFFICE CHIEF QUARTEaMAsTEH
 Prescott Barracks. A, T. March ], lsT9-) SEALED PROPOSALS IN TRIPLlCATE, D with a copy of this advertisement attaehed to each number thereof. are invited. and will be received at this office until l2 o'clock, noon. Monday. Ma-c1 :}lst 1879. when the proposals vii; be publicly opened for the tT;lnsp r'lii' "f public property il this Department during the fiscal year commencing July | 1872, and end- ing June 3G 1880, over the routes in this De- nartment as set forth in specifications: hich. with blank forms of proposals will be furnished bidders application to thls office, or to the ouartermasters at Yuma and Tucson depots The a'tentionaof bidiets is especially called to the requirements ot these spec hcations.
 No proposal will be considered nnless the identity and resr possibility of the bidder ans his elarantors are certified thereon by a United States officer or local civil magistrate.
 The Government reserves the right to reject the whole or any part of aay or al proposalf submitted under this advertisement. and 10 consider separately the rates stated in each proposal over each route. and to or from each depot, post place mentioned in the srecihcR- tions and from or any of the starring Poin's or places of delivery therein mentioned: sub feet 10 the action of higher authority as to award of contract.
 Envelopes containing proposals to be mark ed Proposals for Transportation, and ad- dressed to the undersigned.
 GEO. II. WEEKS, Chief Qt'r, Department of Arizona
The Phoenix herald., 1879-03-22
Notice.

We the undersigned, Trustees of School District No l. in the county of MaricOpa. Territory of Arizona. hereby give notice that we will receive plans and specifications for a public school building for said district Said building is to be of brick, one story high. all walls rot less than fifteen feet 'gh. five rooms center room 4Ox40 wing roonis 4Ox5O center rising above wings We further give notice that we will m eet at the court s1use in said district on the o'h day of April. 1879, to receive and publicly open ana consider all plans and specifications for said building.
 Cost of building not to exceed eight thousand dollars. We reserve the light to reject any aud all plans.
 ts A D. LEMON,
 II. H. LINNlLLE,
 JOHN. T. ALSAP. March 4tA, 1879.
The Phoenix herald., 1879-03-22

The New Orleans Tunes says; Spring. sweet, sweet, spring, will soon be here. The green grass will sprout; !; the keno player and the lambkin will gamboI the turtle dove will turtle to its mate; the young mans fancy will lightly turn to thoughts of love; the humble bee will humble his first humble; the festive yellow jacket and the small boy will renew relations straw hats will come out; so will dusters, white pants, strawberry festi- vals, boiis and campaign papers, and the spring poet will mount the cdito- rial stair with cheerful face and ten pounds of manuscript. Spring is al hand