The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-10-24
VARIETIES.

| What did the donkey do to develop the
doctrine of evolution? lie prayed till he be
| came little hoarse.
What is the difference between a fisher
| man and lazy schoolboy? One bats his
| hook and the other hates his book.
"A man who bought a box ofcigars, when
| asked what they were, replied: Tickets fol-
a course of lectures from my wife"
Clown at circus: Here ladies and
gentlemen, is pony. As you will see, can
| do with him whatever-he likes"
-Mmister-"I wish to state that have
procured an alarm-clock that will wake up
| the congregation as soon as the services are
over"
-Four horses were killed on a recent Sun
day in hauling loads of passengers to the
CoXsackic camp meeting Moral Circus
horses rest on Sunday.
Indian babies never cry. If they find an
inch of pin sticking into their legs they quiet
y wait for some one to pull it out, instead of
disturbing whole village.
"A lad in one of our schools being asked,
What is Rhode Island celebrated for ?" re-
piled: at is the only one of the New Eng
land States which is the smallest"
When his cousin, Charlotte Dunno, was
married, Jones said, at was Dunno before it
was begun, Dunno while it was being done,
and not Dunno when it was done"
-"lnvestigator" wants to know what is
good for cabbage worms. Bless your soul,
man, cabbages, of course. A good plump
cabbage will last several worms week.
Whenever l see real handsum woman
engaged in the wimmin's rights Dizziness,
am a going to take off mi hat and line the
processhun. See if dont.-Josh Billings.
"A Michigan tramp, who has been shot at
five times by farmers wives, says he has on
ly to watch the end of the gun to avoid the
contents, as a woman shuts both eyes when
she pulls the trigger.
frankly is there any hope?" eyes, sir great
deal. The statistics show that one out of
every hundred affected with your disease re-
covers" "Well?" "You are the hundredth
l have healed for the malady, l have not
cured one of them"
On the river: whats the matter, AL
fred? You look uneasy" "Well, my wife,
who is fond of swimming, dived off the boat
some time ago, and has not yet come to the
surface; | am afraid that something must
have happened to her" "How long has she
been under?" about two hours" -French
Paper.
Mother to her daughter just seven years
old-"What makes you look so sad Carrie ?"
Carrie, looking at her baby brother three
weeks old-"I was just thinking that in about
ten years from now, when shall be entering
company and having beaux that brother Of
mine will be just old enough to bother the
life out ofme."
They tell queer story about the doctors
in u certain town, who were all away last
summer, to attend a medical convention
They were absent about two months, and on
their return, found that all their patients had
recovered, the drug stores had closed the
nurses had opened dancing schools, the GEM
etery was cut up into building lots, the UNI
dertakcrs had gone into making fiddles, and
the hearse had been painted and sold for
circus wagon.
The Count dc ", in the mildest tone, to
his scrvant-"Joseph, you have been drink
ing my rum again, and you have put water in
it to make up the deficiency" II admit it,
sir; but swear | will drink no more of it !"
ders: "You always eXaggerate! | didn't
ask yon not to drink it; only ask you not
to put water in what's left. For really it isn't
fair that you should drink rum pure, and
that | should drink rum and water"
Nothing so vexes a physician as to be
sent for in great haste and find little or moth
ing the matter with the patient. An eminent
English surgeon was once sent for by a gen
tlcman who had received a slight wound
On his arrival he sent his servant back in
great haste to get n certain kind of plaster
The patient, turning pale, said "Sir, hope
there is no danger?" "Indccd there is"
answered the surgeon, "for if the fellow
doesn't run like race horse, the wound will
be healed before he can possibly get back"