Daily Republican., 1879-05-15
HUMOROUS

the conductor scatteIeu 'uoW my
went. One of the young men, whose
collar was olinging desperately to one
button, told me the other four young
men were his friends, and they would
see him through" and further that in
every possible, however improbable
contingency, they would ''stand by
him" 1t seemed to me, however, that
if he couldn't stand in one place bet
ter than he was doing just then, his
friends would have to move with the
need and eccentricity Of 30 many com
cts to stand anywhere in the immedi
ate vicinity Of him.
Presently another young man lurch-
ed MP to my seat, and in very husky
tones assured me that those four young
men were his friends, and whoever
tried to ride over them would have to
fight him. locked at the four sway
ing and restless bodies Of the young
uen, and could imagine how it would
puzzle man with sixty-four legs 10
run over all Of them at once.
And yet third young man came
and tried to sit down in my lap, or on
the ceiling of the car, it was hard to
tell which objective point he was aim
ing to reach, and told me he would ole
for any or all of the other four men. !
was greatly affected by this touching
display of friendship, and when the
fourth young man came to me and as
sured me that he regarded all the other
Young men as his brothers and sisters,
I was too depely moved to speak. The
last Of the happy five tried to come and
tell me Of his atlectionate regard Tor his
friends, but hs was unable to get up
from his seat.
In about ten minutes after the last OF
my new asquaintances left me, there was
a great uproar in the car. l looked,
and three of the five friends were lustl-
ly pounding the other two. Then the
scene changed, and another combina,
tion of four, mauled the other one. And
so they were bounced eff the car, and
the last we saw of them, out on the
prairie, four of them were standing on
one, fighting each other. Friendship
is a lovely thing while it lasts.
RATHER GREEN-A verdant Irish girl,
lust arrived, was sent to an Intelligence
Office by the Commissioner OF Emigra
tion to find place of service. She was
sent to a restaurant where stout help
was wanted, and while in conversation
with the proprietor, he took occasion to
light his cigar by igniting locofoco
match on the sole Of his boot. As soon
as tho girl saw this she ran away halt
frightened to death, and when she
reached the Intelligence Office she was
almost breathless.
"Why, what is the matter with you!
said the proprietor, seeing her rush in
in such confusion.
:sOch, sure, sar: but yes sent me to
the old divil himself, in human form. y
"What do you mean9 Has he dared
to insult help from my oftice'' inquir'
ed the man.
"Yes sur,' returned the girl, he's
the divil.
"What did be DO to you? Tell me,
and I'll fix him for it," Said he quite
exasperated.
"Why sur, whilst was talking tt
him about the wages he turned up th'
lotion Of his fut, and wild splinter il
his fingers, sur, he jis' gave one strik'
and the FIRE few out of his fut, and h'
lighted his cigar wild it right before INT
own eyes. He's the divil, sure slr.'
THAT WICKED HEA:.-A woman abou
fifty years Of age stopped in Detrol
market to buy dozen oranges OF II
fruit peddler. She counted as he pick
ed them out and put them into pape
sack, and she counted only eleven 70
the dozon.
"Here, sir, you have cheated me ou
of one orange.'' she called out.
''Oh, no l haven't he coolly an
swered.
eyes, you have, sir You shall coun
'em over again.
He complied, and somehow or othe
there were fourteen instead of twelve
) and he said:
"Ah, must be getting careless, ia
: deed. make two oranges ty recoun,
| ing. Here's your Dozen"
: The woman received the package
looked longingly At the two he thre'
back and whispered
II swan but l wish knew enoug
to keep my mouth shet !'-"Frs
1 Press"
!; A CHErRFuL FACE.--Mr.- comes
: the victim of an accident, and as the
! are placing him on stretcher to carr
}. him up stairs from the hack he sun
mons the servant girl, an honest youn
peasant, and tells her, Hurry u
stairs and let my wife know about th
accident to me, but don't give her
. sAock-put on cheerful face while 20
are telling her."
The faithful domestic discharges he
mission with enthusiasm, and remark
in a husky voice:
"My master sent me-he he! he
to tell you that-ha ha ha ha !
e he had-Lo! no o!-he had-(thel
n I've burst my etay-laces)-he had
i was too funny, and pve laughed till m
|. sides are sore--he had broken his le
-ho no !" (Rolls over upon the ca
pet in ecstacies of laughter.)
;, Recently young man was presente
. in family where there is a marrias'
u able daughter, and as soon as he ha
taken his leave the friend who had il
. troduced him said to tie father, Wei
, how would he suit you for son-in-lav
:. !, hey?' every well, indeed" says tn
i father. Gall right; suppose ne come
round tomorrow and proposes - Fatl
y er with dignity)-"To-morrew ieof
y pooh; what are you thinking of? Thi
IS would be indecent haste. Say tt
day after tomorrow"
J, A lecturer who had been critlclse
'- for "being too long-winded," referre
8 IN the fact and said. "I shall speak s