The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-10-11
TTtsS AND THAT.
THE Board of Education-Th school
masters shingle.

masters shingle.
"A sporting gentleman says his dog is
A I. We should rate him, however, only
K9.
IA Fraud in Silks, is the startling head
line in an exchange. All! Went back on
you, did she7
An enthusiast over the fowingabUwl
declared that he would rather be tight than
to be President. He practiced Just what he
preached.
The mother-in-law is now having her
day. A preacher was recently severely
reprimanded by his church for calling his
mother-in-law "an old liar
ole who steals my purse steals trash"
said lago, which leads to the suspicion
that the gentleman carried counterfeit
money.
School Inspector-"Now, younsterI can
you name me mild winter?" Scholar
1.-THE winter of rs. Our teacher was sick
then for six weeks"
An Irish newspaper says ain the alb
sence of both editors, the publishers have
succeeded in securing the services Of gem
tleman to edit the paper this week."
Woman is delusion, madam," eH-
claimed crusty old bachelor to a witty
young lady. "And man is always hugging
some delusioh or other" was the quick re-
tort.
Professor in history to ihattentive Sc.
nior -"Mr. Thickhead, how long did the
thirty years war last?" Thickhead-"six-
teen years, about, l think, sir" Great APP
plause from inattentiye Seniors.
"A little girl heard some one soy "Tem-
pus fugit," and asked her mother what it
meant. She was told it was one way of
saying Time flies" A few days afterward
she eod very gravely, "Why, ma, how
Tempus does tldget7"
-"Bless me, Emily, you don't look as
well as usual indeed, do not think ever
saw you looking so old as you look to-
day" "My DEAR never was 50 old as l
am to-day"
"A good old negro was burned to death
recently somewhere down in Georgia. The
text of the funeral address, oddly enough,
was, "Well done, thou good and faithful
servant"
"A correspondent asks "Wll the editor
please inform me where my family can 60
on Sundays and be comfortable without be-
ing crowded % Why, of course, man, go to
church.
Sidney Smith could not let sllpa chance
to make joke. The Rev. Mr.. Selwyn de-
parted as a missionary for New Zea land.
Smith took him warmly by the hand and
said Good by, my dear selwyn. l hope
you will not disagree with the man who
eats you"
A traveller found on his hotel bill
charge of fifty centsi for wine. "Why, my
dear sir, had no wine" he said to the
landlord. "Very true, sir, will correct it"
and the corrected bill read, "Wine thirty
cents'
1t is related of a certain clergyman,
who was noted for his long sermons with
many divisions, that one day when he was
advancing among the teens, he reached at
length a kind of resting-rlace in his dis
course when, pausing to take breath and
asking the question, "And what shall | say
/ more z" a voice from the congregation re-
| sponded, "Amen."
The Boston Post says, the kind friend
at Memphis who sent us a curiosity
tor our museum, a sample block ofthe wood
en- pavement said TO be infected with fever
germs, will accept our thanks for the speci-
men, and when he comes this way we'll try
to return the compliment by allowing him
to 60 shooting with curious shotgun we
have that lets the charge out at the breech.
A Scotch minister was taking one Of his
GocS to task for being too frequently absent
and the accused defended himself on a plea
of a dislike to long sermons. "Deed, mon,
if ye dinua mend, ye may land yourself
where ven ma be troubled wi many SIR
mons either long or short" said his reyer-
end monitor. "Weel, perhaps sac" retorted
John, "but it may nae be for want O. min
isters."
The story told by DR. storrs about a
/ little clergyman whose bald head was just
visible To the congregation when he got into
he pulpit, preaching from the text, "Thou
snalt see greater things than these" is more
than matched by the following waif from
Newport, where a fat and very short clergy
man found himself much in the same pre-
dcament as DR.. Storrs's friend. Very little
of him was 10 be seen except the top Of his
head and arms, which he waved about as
he read out his text; at is I, brethren, be
not afraid"