The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-10-17
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
" A Fraud in Silks " is the startling head
line in an exchange. All! Went back on
you, did she ?-RocEEand Courier. =st

E Fauu III SllkS Is the startling mead
line in an exchange. All! Went back on
you. did she ?-Rockgand Courier.
1t il the little bits ov things that fret
and worry u.s." says Josh Billings 1--WE
kan dodge an elephant, but we kant a fly.
Very innocently an Irish newspaper con-
cludes it's account of an imposing ceremony
The procession was very fine,' being
nearly two miles long, as was also the
prayer Of the Rev Mr.. McFadden."
man out in Nevada found fortune by
taking a drink of water. We've taken a
pint or more of the stuff in the past ten
years, had NO fortune when we commenced,
and have not got it yet.-An Oildona Sheet.
1t vas an unfortunate mistake of COM
position to put under the head line 'Reduc-
tion in the Price of Gas - the statement
that Mr.. receives only $50 for lee
ture now instead of hundred, as formerly.
Did you ever know a barber to own up
that he had cut you? They never do it
they simply 60 for a chunk of alum and
casually remark /; ''Well, guess shaved
that spot trifle too close. - Waterloo Oh
serger.
A lazy man, says the Yonkers Gazette,
having wife named Hope, whose custom
it was to pull off her husbands boots every
evening, was wont to exclaim on such oc-
casions "How truly it is said that Hope
ia tha vanker of the sole -
"I'll subscribe for that paper" said Van
derbilt. laying down an agricultural journal
hs had been reading " it's editor is man
Of high attainments." His eye had caught
an article headed, "Water your stock
regulary."-Dss Holmes Register.
The Atlantic cable is q great institution.
Without it we should have been compelled
to wait nearly two weeks for the important
intelligence that Lord Knowshue's bay
HuDsbug came in third at the Spokeshire
races the other day.-Norristov Herald.
I" / am past go years old, and every now
and then I meet relick who knu me As
years ago, and remembers some deviltry I
vas guilty of then. Amt it strange how
tenacious the memory is of those things,
and hoy weak it is oY ennything good a
teller may have accidentally done ?"-JosA
Billings.
The Rev. Penstock offered resolution
to the effect that his desk be furnished with
10 shilling inkstsnd, but the club voted
down the proposition almost unanimously,
the President saying, " Benjamin Franklin
he used On old peper box fur an inkstand
nigh onto fo'teen Vars, an don't believe
dat any member of dis club am bigger
man dan be was. ."-Detroit Free Press.
4 Bank street bootblsck, says the Cleve-
land Voice, was plying his trade on a
strangers boots recently, when the man
inquired: sc Bub, are you an Irish boy ?"
"No, SIR" answered the ingenious gamin,
as he breathed on the strangers right foot
covering, and then quickly brought out the
shine. 'No, sir, I'm polish boy" The
man grinned and gave him dime.
A stinging repartee was administered in
game of billiards that took place in Rich
mond, Va An awkward young fellow
struck and severely hurt the eye of man
engaged in game with him The young
man was profused in his apologies. "My
dear sir, I beg thousand pardons am SO
very sorry I have hurt your eye." Oh,
no matter" returned the sufferer with a
scathing resemblance of polteness, =" IAaue
another. ."-Detroit Free Press.
Oh. my kiss it vas returned,
And my bosom fairly burned
Till my soul conid stay no longer in my body
Then vent up above par,
And seemed to grasp a star @
For I'd been imbiding too much apple toddy.
was in such great distress, 81
That hoped to seek redress.
By asking, simply asking, "Whazzer mazzer ?"
But her fathers brawny boot,
Caused " rift within the lute,'
BY raising me from off the front piazza. .i. -.
Tom B. Crystal.
Catching fly is a very neat performance;
you just put your right hand down upon
the surface occupied by the fly, and as close
to it as that rather fastidious insect will
permit. The fingers should be curved as if
to grasp an object. Brace yourself for a
rapid move, When thus fixed. make q
violent and sudden sweep across the surface
in the direction of the fly, and when your
hand has reached about where he should
be close your fingers ct once. The next
thing IN order is to hunt up some one who
can explain how that fly got away.-Dan-
bury NeWs.