The Portland daily press., 1879-07-05
That was all the reading matter that the

That was all the reading matter that the
Tommyhawk contained. There were some
advertisements, principally calling attention
to the manufacture of sweet fern cigars, and
asking for the return of lost balls and Jack
knives. Altogether the paper was success
II the success OF q paper can be reckoned by
the commotion it creates. The above num-
Der was issued on a Saturday morning, and
before midnight Of the same day Mrs. Slope
received note from the minister declining
her 'kind invitation to tea,'' and devoting
several pages to as hearty abuse as minis
ter could frame in language. Mr.. Stokes
store was visited by a committee of the tenn
perance society, who brought an officer to
seize the soothing syrup keg; and before
he had gone another minion of the law had
Mr.. Stokes in hand for selling adulterated
goods That same night Deacon Pepper dis
charged his hired boy without notice. On
that same afternoon Mr.. Singing Snodgrass
walked into the barber's shop, thIashed the
barber, broke the bottles and went straight
off and proposed to Billy Smiths sister, who
accepted him at once.
The edition of the paper was sold in no
time. There was not copy of it left by
three O'Clock in the afternoon, and while ST
Slope was that evening making selection of
candy and dime novels, for which he in
tended to pay with the proceeds of the sale,
he was seized upon by Mr.. Percival, who
proceeded then and there to chastise him.
He had hardly escaped from this angry
man before Stokes's boy had him by the hair
of the head dragged him in the middle of
the street, put him down in the aud, and
kicked him till he was black and blue.
Capt. Fungus saw the fight and came and
helped Stokes's boy At last, covered with
mud and with shame, the young editor made
his escape and hied him homeward, vowing
vengeance. He was just turning the last
corner when he met the boy whom Deacon
Pepper had turned away, and the wicked
boy had a horsewhip. Such shrieking was
never hard before in Snaptown.
After this infiction, 81 sneaked into the
yard saying: "Never mind; I'll pay them
UP next week. I've got things to tell about
all of them. I'll get every one of them a
lickinge' And he went across the yard to
lock up the Tommyhawk office. AS he ap-
preached the building the Tomkins boy sprang
out upon him, acting as leader to score
or more of fiery and untamed youngsters,
they proceeded to tear down the buildings
before Simon's very eyes, having previously
bound him to tree. Then they pelted him
with types, and it being quite dark, made
glorious bonfire of the debris of the struct-
ure. Mr.. Slope, seeing the fire, came rush
ing out of the house, and instead of driving
the boys away, shouted:
GO it boys; serves him right. And when
you've done, I'll take him in hand" And
Mr.. Slope did take him in hand pretty effec-
tually-so effectually, indeed, that Simon
was obliged to stand at his meals a week af-
terward.
Poor boy! The day after that first and
only issue he was seen limping out to the
ruins; and as he stood there, leaning on
cane and surveyed them with his one I'M
BACKED eye he was heard to murmur:
Things amt as they was. There's no
premium on telling the truth nowadays.
George Washington couldn't have edited
paper without lying; and I'd rather go to
school all my days than ever try it again.