The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-10-09


roof it in"
The dervish looked on composcdly while
the wall slowly rose round him, and made
more noise than before but when the roof
| ing process commenced, and he awokc to
the knowledge that it was really intended
to cntomb him alive, he clambcrcd over the
wall, and rushed away like madmun,
never to trouble Mcneil again.
Some sixty years ago, a certain York
shire living was held by company-loving
parson much in request at marriage merry
markings, whose clerk was equally welcome
at chri tening tca-fights. These two wor-
thies contrived to fall out so it came to
pass that when the clerk was due at tea
party, lie found himself obliged to forcgo
the anticipated muffin feast by reason of the
parson requiring his attendance lie bore
the disappointment with tolcrably good
grace, hoping for al opportunity for re
taliation. 1t was not long coming On
Sunday advised that the clergy
man was going to dine with newly we'd
ded pair, instead of giving out only part of
the hundred and nineteenth psalm, the
wicked fellow said, 'Lct us sing to the
praise and glory of God the hundrcd-and-
nineteenth psanl-all ont" Before his
victim was well aware of the treat in store
the musicians were fairly on their way, re-
solved to go through their task, come what
might. 1t was weary work, but they
gravcly persevcrcd. Sometimes only one
instrument accompanying single voice
was to be heard; but singers and players
were determined to do their duty, and held
on somehow to the end and the parson
had to dine at home, inwardly confcssing
the tables had fairly been turned upon him.
The Rev. Dr. NIacead, father of DR..
Norman Macleod, passing through the
crowd gathered before the doors of new
church lie was about to open, was stopped
by On elderly man with: doctor, if you
please, wish to speak to YOU" Asked if
he could not wait until after worship, he
replied that it was matter upon his con-
| science.
ooh, since it is a matter of conscience,
Duncan y said the good-naturcd minister,
L VIII ncar Wnut IL Is. -
'Wcll, DOCTOR" said Duncan, ''thc mat
ter is this. Ye see the clock yondcr on the
new church. Now there is really no clock
there, only the face of one; there is no
truth there, only once in twelve hours; and
III my mind that is wrong, very wrong, and
quite against the conscience, that there
should be lie on the face of the house of
the Lord"
The doctor promised to consider the mat
ter. 'But," said he, T'm glad to see you
looking so well, man. ''Yon'rc not young.
l remember you for many years. but you
have fine head of hair STILL"
Sch, doctor !" exclaimed the unsuspcct
Ing Duncan, ''now yc'rc joking. It's long
since had my hair"
Dr. Macleod looked shocked, and an
swercd, in tone of rcproach: ooh Dun
can I Duncan! arc you going into the house
of the Lord with lie on your head 2" Hc
heard no more of the lie on the face of the
church.
a wcll-meritcd rcpartcc was dealt by a
smart nidshipmah to the daughter of X.
G. b. at ball given by the latter to the
naval officers on the North Pacific station.
The MILDLY was bold enough to ask the
young lady 10 accept him for her partner.
"Oh dear, no" said the supcrcilious
beauty. Ma never allows me to dance
with midshipmen. Somebody let her know
the MILDLY was Lord, and she repcnted,
and reminded him that he was engaged to
her for the next dance.
The youngster however,, wasnot 80 easily
Modified, and remembering the lady had
native blood in her veins, smilingly replied
ooh dear, no. Ma never allows me to
dance with squaws."
Said one play going young fellow to an
other:
81 was at the Gaiety last night for the
sixteenth time, and took look round the
pit to sec If you were there
But noways disconnected by the insinua-
ton. the subject of his "chaff" rctorted :
'What been 80 many times to the Gaicty,
and not know that you can't sec the pit
from the gallcry2
| Fairly paid in her own coin was the Pari.
sian dame VINO, answering wet footed
visitors request for the loan of pair of
slippers, by saying, Certainly, my dear,
If you think mine will fit YOU" received
the clever rcjoinder: 81 daro say they will,
dear, If you tell your maid to put cork
sole inside thc.n.'
"You have given me Scotch whisky;
asked for Irish, complained hurried i'm
biber.
"Nevor mind said the publican; 'sfancy
it's Irish" =
The man drank up the liquor, and made
for the door.
''Stop!" cried Boniface; 'you haven't
paid me-"
sNever mind; fancy have," said hi,
customer, and away he went.
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