West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-05-10
A Nkiuning Kid.

The envoy thas came from Patsy |
burns saloon recently To get a warrant
Tor It's proprietor was hoarse, squat and |
hulI-nccked. lie leaned across the bar |
! "i the Jefferson Market Police Court, |
| New York City, aud whispered conf |
| dentially, "Say, Jcdge, Patsy Burns !
wants to shut down on Md that's /
been sAinning him"
"A Kid! Skuumg himy n,possi-
bile, " said his Honor. "'Whcre is the
animal 3"
lies a young rooster" tile appli-
cant went ON, "what dishes out the
booze in Patsy's drum"
His Honor looked pcrplcxcd. "Oh. !
IT'S poultry you're complaining about. " |
he remarked. - thought YOU said il .
was II kid Just now. wen, what of the
roostcrP"
The applicant tool a long look at his !
Honor and fumblcd his hat lining ncr- !
vouSly. Then he began again with an
air submissive hut reproachul.
Say Jcdge, don't YOU play me I'm
| givin' 1t to you straight; honor bright.
! Patsy feels dead sore over the thing
and wants the young terrier hauled up
! before you"
The Judge dropped his eyeglasses
helplcssly. Look here, my friend, ="
he blurted out, elf you came here to
complain abOat n whole menagerie, saw
so; but this parade of flesh ami fowl is
distracting. Let us understand eacI
other. Kid, rooster or dog-is Patsy's
trouble with one or ALP
The applicant looked about him
hopelessly. Then he said;
This looks like u dead open aud shut.
You don't seem To tumble TO me nc all.
| Here's the scheme. There's jigger
behind Pdtsy's bar that's crooked, and
he wants him taken in Scc?"
'Oh, Patsy has a saloon. IL Is the
person who disp,ns thc beverages he !
has trouble with"
That's the racket. Jcdgc," and the
applicant stamped his feet with delight
You've got it dead to rights.s "You
see Patsy sets this blokc In his shcbang
a sending along the old stun, and every
thing goes huukeedorce till hc sees his
nibs sporting IL super and logged out To
the Queens taste. Wen, Putsy's pootv
liy, hc Is, and hc dropped to the cnpcr.
30 hc spotted the fcller, aud catchcd
him working the dnmpcr."
working the dampcrY"
"Hcs, collaring the Doodle"
"Collaring thc-My friend, for
heavens sake, he explicit" Ills Honor
moan"d. "What do you mean ?"
The applicant turned the quid In his
mouth over and over again dcspondenl-
~ but made no reply. At last he
bIurted out in despair:
Hang IL, Jcdge, It's clear enough.
He was tapping the lill."
Trapping the tilly" and hi- Honor
stopped to reflect. Then his face
frightened up. "Ah, | see," he said.
Gle was appropriating money to his
own use ia the oroprictor's absence"
That's the talk, " roaIcd the appii-
cant. "ApprOpriatin' the receipts is
the go. You'v" got it down fine,
Jcdge. That's what the codgcr did
appropriated Patsy Burns receipts. SO
Patsy sent me round TO see If YOU
wouldn't give him the collar and make
him produce. He's bad lot. he is,
and you ought TO give him stretch"
"WhatT" cried his Honor, "would
you be 50 barbarous as TO have me hang
the mani"
"Who's tlkin' Of hangin', =" asked
the Others ''what said il hc ought 10
geta nip"
Get nip2"
Yes, go up tue river"
81 see, see, =" groaHed the Justice
eco to Sing Sing. My friend, we win
Try TO accommodate you. But this con
yersation Is 'rying TO a man Of my con
Stitution. Go TO Patsy Burns. beg
you. Tell him to bring his grievance
mere Ia person, and for Heavens sake
let him bring little of the vcrnacular
along"
The applicant bowed his head sui
leuly.
Maybe you're right, Jedge" said
he, San maybe you ain't, bat 10 does
seem rough on q citizcu and taxpayer,
IL lac can't get justice unless he's swaI-
lowed a lore dictionary ard crammcd
down iaw-breakers Gt TO bust him. So
long" and he stalkcd gloomily away
in quest Of Patsy Burns.