The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-11-14
You Can Never Get Ahead of Chicago.

A young man of this city has long paid
attentions to one of the fairest daughters
of Cleveland, now visiting here, and had
been engaged to her, when suddenly, for
some reason or other, she concluded to
marry some one else The unsuspecting
young man went to call on her at her
aunt's house on Calumet avenue last
week. and as she drew back her ruby
lips when he prepared to greet her with
loving kiss he at once thought there
was something up, and glancing at her
again he noticed that she were none of
his gifts, which he conjectured were in
an ominous looking parcel on the sofa.
This conjecture was subsequently
proved to be correct.
s'Mr. So-and-so," she said-she had
been wont to address him as Augustus"
and darling!
''Mr. So-and-so, I have consulted my
heart seriously and discovered what I
have often suspected we are not
fitted to make each other happy. 1t is
better that we should part-our engage
ment iAat an end"
Her words sank into him like blue
heartstrings, but he instantly composed
ton. Bounding joyfully from his chair,
he danced lightly round the room, shout
ing, ssHurrah! You're the bulliest girl
in the universe. I feel as if the whole
Palmer House had been lifted off my
manly bosom"
The beautiful girl gazed at him for a
moment.as If she thought he had hidden
long farewell to all his gray brain
matter, and said, "What does this
mean 2"
''Mean % cried the young man, walk
ing on his hands up and down the sump-
tuous drawing-room; 'swhy it means I'm
free. I've been trying to muster up
courage to ask you for two weeks past to
cancel our engagement, but couldn't
it would have been going back on my
word, and, besides, I knew that hus-
bands at this period of commercial de-
preston were hard to get.
'tSir-r-r!' said she, glaring at him like
tiger cat, ssyour presents are all in this
package. Take them and return me
mine. This painful interview had, per-
haps, better be brought to an end
slll send you all Of em I can find,
but I guess our cook carried off your
Tennyson with the marked passages in it
Il lent it to her-and some of your
locks of hair, and pressed rosebuds, and
things burned when was cleaning up
my room the other day, and as for your
ring, don't think Cora will give it to
me-"
ssAnd, pray, who may this creature
Cora be? Is she the cook at your board
ing house?"
80, bless you no-she's the girl I'm
in love with, and that I'm going to pro-
pose to this very evening as soon as you
give me that package of presents and let
me go. hope you didn't forget to put
the diamond earrings 1 gave you into it,
I'll give them to her and be 5000 ahead.
The beautiful Cleveland girls cheeks
glowed so that you could have lighted
match at them if you hadn't been afraid
of having your fingers burned off by the
glare in her eyes.
'sTell me about this Cora OF yours.
Is she good looking?"
excitedly; 'shold on till I show you her
picture" and he searched eagerly in his
pocket. ''No, must have left it in my
other coat. Well, never mind; she's a
beauty I used to think you were pretty
fair looking, but you Hair so long
that she steps on it when it is let down
and she tries to walk; eyes that make you
feel as if you were getting back ten dol
lar bill you had never expected to see
again; waist very much like yours only
much smaller, and as for her feet--why
you couldn't put more than 40 per cent.
of your toes into one of her boots. Well,
goodnight, Miss Whatsyourname-I
told her I'd be round tonight if could.
I'll trouble you for that package"
Augustus So-and-so," she Kissed in
low, concentrated tone, putting the pack
age of presents away under her chair,
'.if you go out of this house before l
o'clock tomorrow morning I'll scream.
And want you to understand that your
engagement is to hold, and if you don't
marry me by the 1st of November, which
will be as soon as can get my trousseau
ready, I'll sue you for breach of promise,
laying the damages at $500, 900, and I've
got letters from you that'll make the jury
find for the plaintiff without leaving the
box. And if ever you mention that
wretched creatures name to me again
the longest day you live, I'll shoot you
and scratch her eyes out-so there; l
don't care for you one bit, but I'm going
to marry you out OF spite.
She hurled herself into his arms like
whirlwind and sobbed upon his shoul-
der. He smoothed her hair and called
her a large and varied assortment of pet
names, and observing his reflected image
in the glass over the mantlepiece winked
at it rapturously.
They are to be married on Halloween.
You never can get ahead of Chicago
Chicago Tribune.