Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1879-08-01
THE LADIES' CHAPTER.

never Do STRUCK ny llsuthlheJ OSOauSS
he always gets insulate.
"OH," she said, al think soda water is
soda licious." He took the hint and
soda dime on the harvest field OF love.
DARLING HUSBAND" she said, Fam
| not your treasurer" Certainly" he
replied, "and should like TO lay you
up in HEAVIER"
WITH uncommon gallantry a man
will resign his seat in horse car to
colored woman who is eating pepper
mint drops and perspiring.
A LOT of American corsets shipped to
Mexico were supposed to be new kind
of saddle, and they were returned Us not
giving satisfaction.
Miss ANEs has story entitled "The
Longest Hour OF My Life" That was
doubtless the hour she knew her beau
was calling on another girl across the
street.
''The moon is always just the same,
he said, languidly, land yet | always
find some new beauty in it." It's just
so with the theatre" she answered.
Tickets for two.
WOMEN must affirm that they are
twenty-one years old before the will be
allowed to vote in Massachusetts, for
members OF the School Committee.
This effectually bars them out.
WHENEVER woman does a wicked or
foolish thing, the newspapers deslg-
nate her as beautiful and accomplished.
Perhaps that is the reason why some
good, homely women become bad.
IT is said that the woman who hest
tates is lost. This is not always so,
however. Quite frequently 1t is the
the other women who is coming right
back of her and doesn't see her stop to
pick up her dress.
SIMAKINs has his sister keeping house
for him. The other day she disposed
OF his favorite light pants for work OF
Italian art, and when he came home
there was a time with his sister, his
cussin' his cussin' and his pants.
Mrs. MACKAY, wife of the bonanza
king, now residing in Paris, contem-
plates giving dinner this month, when
the menu will be, as usual, engraved on
silver, in addition, with the portrait of
each guest artistiCally fitted in.
THE women who took a box of corn
plasters to an entertainment, thinking
they were lOzenges, couldn't imagine
why they didn't dissolve until she got
back home and examined the label,
when the mystery was at once cleared
up.
"WELL, my dear, you are coming on
nicely with your music" Oh, yes,
mamma; last month, when l played
four-hand pieces with my music teacher,
! was Away a couple of bars behind.
Now, Pm always at least three bars
ahead"
Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY says that the
failure of woman suffrage as refOrma-
tory influence in Wyoming Territory is
due to the uniairness of the United
States officers, who refuse TO permit wO-
men to sit on juries when persons accus-
ed OF transgressing the moral laws are to
be tried.
A LADY, regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over
all the stockings in the store, objected
that none of them were long enough.
81 want" she said, "the longest hose
that are made" "Then, madam" was
the reply, you had better apply to the
next engine house"
young lady IN town well-connected,
In her talk was very affected,
For neither she always said nithCr;
And one day at the dentists,
Before the tooth was elected,
She said she believed she'd take "lther.
You have TO pay ten COWS for a wife
in Zululand. We forget how many
plates OF ice cream and strawberries it
costs here, but the amount is cOnsidera-
bic.
WHEN a girl wants to have a good pic
ture taken she should try to counterfeit
that expression which takes charge of
her features while she gazes iOndly over
the shoulder OF her youngman when he
is writing something about doves and
forget-me-nots in her autograph album,
or when he goes down deep into his
pockets and rises to the surface with
paper of gum-drops for her fairy sue
ton.
maiden with young man stood,
Her hair with flowers was decked,
The scene ii was trying one,
The girls back hair was wrecked.
The maiden gazed into his eyes
With thoughts Of love, the witch
Had dropped a curl upon his arm,
another misplaced switch"
A MICHIGAN lady apostrophizes her
sex as follows: beautiful, glorious
womanhood and motherhood! | want
our lives to shine out like meteor to
the world the world, making grand
flash of light wherever fate wills you to
fall. and making everything glorifcd
around you" Just the moment that
those sort OF meteors begin to shine we
shall try to step within their eiIulgent
rays; but, alas! We do not, can not take
any stock in such glorious good time
coming.