The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-01-30

cannot be affected bv any less deadly

cannot be affected by any less deadly
substances Strychnine, arsenic, and
even prussic acid are to the goat nothing
more than spices, and have no other
effect than that of stimulating his appe
tite. Of course, it is possible to shoot a
! goat but, unfortunately, gun makes a
loud report, and attracts the attention OF
the neighbors 1t is a curious provision
of nature that goats are always owned by
large and athletic Irishmen. A slight,
consunptive Irishman often owns dogs,
chickens, and pigs; but he never owns a
goat Now, to shoot goat is to invite a
visit from a vigorous and belligerent
1rishman, and if a man is to be butted
the goat will do it. more artistically and
with better taste than his owner. Since
then, a goat in the front yard can neither
be driven out nor poisoned, and cannot
be shot without extremely unpleasant
consequences, it really seems as though
the evil were incurable.
There is, indeed one remedy which
has been extensively advertised, and
which is honestly believed in by many
persons who have never tried it. 1t is
known as the dried apple cure. The vic
tim of goat-in- the -front.yard leaves a
bushel of dried apples and a bucketful OF
water where they will attract the atten.
ton of the animal. The goat eats the
dried apples, drinks the water, and i'm
mediately begins to swell. He swells to
enormous dimensions, and fnally-so it
is said--explodes, with tremendous re-
port, and is scattered all over the country
in pieces too small to admit of identified
ton. Of course, the explosion is heard
by the neighbors, but the instantaneous
disappearance of the goat removes all
ground for suspicion.
There is man in Oshkosh-Mr. c. L.
Babcock, formerly the efficient and pop
ular third assistant clerk in the Lumber
mems and Cat Fishers National Bank
who lately heard Of the dried apple rem
edy and resolved to try it, He sent to a
Chicago provision store and obtained a
bushel of dried apples of the most viru-
lent character and placed them, together
with the supplementary bucket of water,
in his front parlor, SO that he could enjoy
the explosion without going out of doors.
Mr.. Babcock had been exceedingly trou-
bled by goats and was particularly proud
of his front yard. which he had laid out
with great care and had surrounded with
fence of novel pattern and great cost.
Early in the morning the expected goat
butted the front gate open, entered the
yard, was lured into the parlor by the
oiSPldy VI anu dtS lie dp-
pies. He was an exceptionally long and
narrow goat, and was SO persistently thin
that it was generally thought that moth
ing, not even silver-plated forks, could
fatten him. In due time he drank half
the bucket of water and began to swell.
Mr.. Babcock was in ecstacies. He lit his
cigar and sat on the front piazza, looking
through the window, and, with his watch
in his handy noting how long it would be
before the explosion. There probably
never was goat who swelled so tremend-
ously as did that particular goat At the
end of an hour he was-as Mr.. Babcock
is prepared to assert-at least fifteen feet
in circumference. Nevertheless, the look
ed-for explosion did not occur, neither
did the goat seem to feel uneasy. He
roamed around the room, knocking down
the furniture, and occasionally butting
the piano. The dlsgusted Mr.. Babcock
would have tried to drive him out, but
had the door or the windows been twice
as large as they were, the expanded goat
could not have passed through either of
them. In his desperation, the disap-
pointed man tried to shoot the animal,
but the shot rebounded from his elastic
sides and shattered the mirror. There
was nothing to be done but to wait until
the goat should regain his usual proper.
tions, and then to try to drive him out of
the room.
That swelled goat never collapsed. He
is still fifteen feet in circumference, and
he cannot be got out of the parlor with
out previously tearing down the wall
People come from all parts of the coun-
try to look at that goat, and Mr.. Babcock
has been sued by an Irishman for felo-
niously taking possession of his goat and
reflSinp to return it