Litchfield enquirer., 1879-04-10
CLIPPINGS.
Reigning favOrites- umbrellas.


 The kangaroo loves beautiful spring. Whiskey is about the only enemy man has succeeded in loving
 Lite is ''Mr" "y to sober man, and ''miz- zer"y to a druukard.
 The best are the cheapst. This is more es- pecially so in the matter of wives.
 Talleyrand said that happiness depended on hard heart and good stomach.
 Those who cry loudest 'Out with the Chi nsse!" don't wear starched shirts
 A hen that can lay 2, 900 eggs in 2,OOO quar- ter hours, is what is wanted now.
 The gravest animal is the ass, the gravest bird the owl, and the gravest fish the oyster. Which is the most wonderful animal in the farmyard "A pig, because he is killed first and cured afterward.
 grave digger buried man named Button, and brought in the following bill to hls widow 'To making one Button-hole $5."
 The proprietor of bone factory announces that persons leaving their bones with him can have them ground at short notice.
 Gan clergyman marry himself ?" asks an exchange. We suppose he can, but we are arrad he would not be happy couple.
 Solomon was the first man to suggest par ting the heir in the middle. The suggestion was made to two women in famous law suit.
 An old bachelor says that he's been so often deceived by the chicken of the restaurants and boarding houses that he calls it the mock ing-bird."
 If every clergyman was compelled to study and learn more of this world we would be taught to view the next in quite a different light.
 If Edgar A. Poe were living to day he would change the refrain of his most famous poem to -''Said the raven, 'never--that is, hardly ev- er-mere.''
 An agricultural paper advises the farmer to count his sheep every day. If it comes to that we should advise the farmer to move into a better neighborhood
 One reason why more people did not go in- to the ark is that Noah neglected to advertise in the daily papers There is great moral lesson in this fact
 Sydney Smith once rebuked swearing wis itor by saying, Let us assume that everything and everybody are damned, and proceed witt our subject"
 It is not always safe to assume that the mar the outside doOr of the church is highly rever ent He may have shocking bad hat.
 western editor thus kindly alludes to a contemporary: "He is young yet ; but he can sit at his desk and brush cobwebs from the cell. ing with his ears"
 When boy walks with girl as though he were afraid some one would see him, the girl is his sister. If he walks so close to her as to nearly crowd her against the fence, she is the sister of some one else.
 Puck wants to know ''what will be done with Chinese baby born on board ship, if the full complement of fifteen is already on the hst% A Kearneyte would suggest that il be thrown overheard and rocked in the era dle of the deep."
 Mir. Isaac V. Green, of Michigan, ran away with his wifes aunt recently. In other word,
 He ran away with his spouse's aunt,
 And never again was seen,
 Thus proving anew what a rare old plan
 Is the Michigan I. V. Green.
 An old-fashioned lady wants to know why the graduates of Vassar and other female colleges always have their ages printed after their names in reports of alumni meetings Mlss l. Cmltn, president tIV); MISS Jones vice president C6e); Mrs. Robinson, secretary c7S), etc., etc.
 As many of the most severe colds are the result of imprudence in the spring of the year Franklin's advlce ''Take care of your shor and your shop will take care of you" has beer given the following hygenic twist "Stick ts your hannels until they stick to you"
 Plugging sociables are popular in some rura parts of New Jersey. The prices charged ar, given for benevolent purposes. It costs tel cents to hug girl between fifteen and twenty but you have to pay twenty five cents for young widow, five cents for girl betweei twenty and thirty, over thirty gratis, and dollar for hugging married lady, l.
 "He got away with $11, 900 of his employ CTS money" is whispered among few conf dential friends of brazen embezzler 'Hush hush, don't talk so loud the world will hea you. It must be kept a secret" ''He stole bag of flour, the scoundrel." growls everybodl when poor man is driven to crime to feed hi starving children; 1'he ought to be strung ul by the neck as an example, so he ought" Anet thus the respectable standing of thieves wag the world.