The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-04-26
NUMBER 3.
PASSING SMILES.

TREES begin to die at their tops--men
begin to dye there, too.
A POET sings: "I write because /
mustard not Tor praise" This is what
ails us too. We write because wemust.
Praise won't buy boots and bread and
beer-Noyristo,c Herald.
| A DOCTOR to his SON. Johnny,
wouldn't you like to be doctorg'
/" No father" /" Why not my son p
"Why, father, could not even kill a
| fly"
+. .ScHooLMrsTREss Uust beginning
nice improving lesson upon minerals to
the juniors)-" Now, what are the
principal things we get outof the earth9'
Youthful angler, aged four Confidently
-" Worms" 6.ssz s'..f
| THEY were discussing the venerable
theme of money happiness.o elMoney
does every thing for a man." said one
old gentleman, pompously. Yes
replied the other one, 'sbut money won't
do rs much for man as some men will
do for money"
A LADY, who was evidently a didet-
tdnte of the arts, was heard TO express
her dissatisfaction at the female portraits
in this years Academy. 4" shall wait"
was her decision, "until go to Rome.
guess Pll have my picture done by one
of the old masters !"
THAT man had strong desire to keep
his pledge, at least literally, who, enter
ing an apothecary's store, said: If ye
place, docthor, Pm a temperance man;
but il ye have any soda-wather of
stringth and quality resimblin' whisky,
I'll throuble we for little"
The hogs Of Georgia farmer were
troubled with fees, and he was told to
anoint them with lard and tar. He had
no lard, but tried tar. For several days
they were missing, and he started to look
for them, He found them in a bed in
the woods stuck together like damp
postage stamps. Aa"ss
You do make that child look like
fool, wife, with all that toggery on him."
said Mr. Fag, angrily, as they were start
ing out for walk. Dear me-" said a
neighbor, meeting them at the door,
what doll of o baby, and how much
he resembles his papap Mr.. Fag
coughed, and they passed on.
AFTER a man, upon some raw and
gusty night, when everything is as dark
as the shadow of fate, has run across
swaying clothes-line with his chin and
neck, you never can convince him that
there is any truth in all this nonsense
about death by hanging being so pleas
ant burlington Hawkeye
EQUESTRIAN" asks" Will you please
tell me on which side gentleman should
ride when accompanying ladies who are
horseback ridingW Always ride on the
outside. The horses do not like it 30
well when you try to get inside of them.
Some horses that are well trained, how
ever, may not mind It, But we think
the old way is the best.
"WHAT are those purple posies down
by the BROOKE" asked Gus. "If you
mean," replies Clara, those glorious
masses of empurpled efilorescence that
bloom in bosky dells and fringe the
whipping streamlets, they are Cdmpan-
uly rotundifora" Gus plays billiards
for a living, and Clara goes to q girls
college. iHe8
THE very man who cheerfully pays
half.a- dollar to see Bogardus break one
thousand glass balls in seventy-five
minutes, makes terrible fuss and
declares himself financially ruined when
one of his small sons accidentally breaks
thirty-cent pane of glass with foot
ball. Such are the Inconsistencies OF
human nature that cannot be rcmedicd
by acts Of Congress. teiFafs q s
A PATRIOTIC Hibernian, after listen
ing for some time to recitation of Irish
bulls amid general laughter, cried indig-
nantly. "Faith, Mr.. A., an do ye
know what / think7" Why, indeed,
what do you think, Mr.. D.? Shure,
sir; and do We know that ! think, indade,
that not more than one-half of these lies
that they tell bout the Irish is true"
This was unanimously pronounced the
best bull of the lot. ~ NtF s1f
| ifta1 iiHf SPRING. l
What beautiful time is spring, 43Ifi
When the woodcnuck begins TO sing.
| And the bumblebee and chicadee
| Cary their heads around In sling.
| When the black and tickling ants
Crawl up the young mans pants.
And the stradtlebug and mosquito hug
While the spiders engage In q dance.fr
| And the bird gets drunk on dew,
| And offers the robin q chew,
| While the great owl b,inks and the sparrow