West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-09-27
A Model Policeman.


A sick woman was walking along a street
up town week ago when burly fellow
ran up and took her pocket-book from her.
She grabbed him by the collar and cried
help and thief, when he turned around and
knocked her down with a terrible blow IN
the face. A policeman stepped up and
said.
"My friend, don't you know il is very
wrong to act in SO unmanly a manner.
Are you not aware of the fact that man
should always yield 10 the influence of the
gcntler sex, and never be guilty of such an
act as that which you have just com
mitted.'
"What are you giving me " grunted the
thief sullenly.
"GOod advice; there, that lady is almos,
insensible, and you are the cause of it, You
should go Immediately and apologize TO her,
give her back her pocket-book and be diff
ferent kind OF man."
The thief glared upon him like an infu-
rated demon, when he continued:
"Have you studied etiquette much2"
"No, l han't."
"Wcll, that's against you. II YOU had
studied etiquette and were familiar with the
usages of good society, and were up in art,
hihoAN hAAh Aht vi thh lldi splllt huOh
ledge of ancient and modern literature, and
were patron of fcather-foo Tepsi-
chore, you wouldn't do such a thing aS
strike poor defenseles woman"
"Give us a rest
man said
"Wlll you kindly take my arm and wall,
to the station house with me }"
''Nary time"
"Ah, then you perhaps desire me e
charter coupe. I'll just stop the first one
that comes along; and Wen take nice re-
freshing ride together"
81 amt goin' with you at all, y beloved
the thief. "
"You're notl"
mo | amt"
'Have you no spirit of courtesy in youi
Is your soul not fired with the love of gen.
tility3 Come now, I'll take your arm anC
Wen wauder Off. "
The thief hauled off and knocked the
policeman down. The latter Jumped up
wiped the blood off his face and said:
g Is this the proper thing to do to a gen
tleman2"
The thief let his left out in pretty lively
style, and the boy in blue once more meas
ured himself on the ground.
:" Sir, | must ask you TO refrain from
this kind of business. I'm not used TO it
and am now probably too much dsfigureC
10 appear on the street"
The thief then tripped him, and put hi
foot into his mouth. They struggled arounC
for some time until the policeman managed
10 net the mans foot out of his mouth anC
To remark:
"1his is very ungentlemanly, I'm sure
In all my experience with the human fami
ly, / think you are the most vicious mem
Der have yet had the pleasure of meeting
Just let me spit out few boot nails ant
mud before you put your foot back in m
mouth"
The thief then grasped him by the fee
and dragged him over to the inside edge o
the walk to drop him over on heap c
: sharp stones, which lay about twelve fee
below. AS they got to the edge the pick
pocket tripped, and they rolled down to
gether After they struck the stones tn
cop murmured;
81 trust you will excuse me for haulin
you over with me- can assure you m
most dear and amiable sir, that it was nc
intentional on my part. / hope you ar
not dangerously injured. Just get up an
let me brush the dust off your clothes, an
then when we get to the next corner | wi
replace your bontoniere.
When he commenced tho operation {
brushing him off the man let fly and droT
ped him again.
'Well, now, this Is very unkind, al
sure. This is more than l expected
DE got up and made gracious bow, an
said:
won't you kindly 90 with me 2"
'No, l won't"
Not at my most earnest solicitation
mo"
Very well you're the most disobligir
man | ever met. shall now have to wal
around the block. Good day, sir, tru
we may have the pleasure of meetin
again. Be sure and remember what tol
you regarding etiquette"
And the policeman climbed up the ban
and went on his way.