Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-10-01
FUNNYGRAPHS.

'se~oo OUtUTUUy NtyNt.
MANY disordered liver is covered by
a nicely-ironed shirt.-New York Times.
1T does not follow that women are
cobblers or blacksmiths because they are
good hands to shoe hens.-Rome Sentinel.
"WHoLE hug or none!" as the young
fellow said to his betrothed who was in
cllnsd to firt.-Salena Sunbeam.
IT IL the little bits ov things that fret
and worry us; We kan dodge an elephant
but we kant fy.-Josh Billings.
AN Ithaca little girl, attempting to
describe an elephant, spoke Of it as "tkat
thing what kicks up with it's nose."
HERE is more joy over the dollar
Which Is found on the highway than
there is over the ninety and nine which
were never lost Whitehall Times.
II KNOW two rascals," said Jones,
&c and of the two think rather prefer
the worse one." Now, what kind of a
man is Jones?
AN enthusiastic Utica communist
hates kings and aristocrats so heartily
that he proposes to put an end to the
royalty on patents Utica Observer.
A MAN is always wanting some one to,
tell him how handsome he looks A.
woman will just stand before glass and
see for herself.-Nea0 Orleans Picoyune.
IT is now intimated that the reason
that Samson carried off the gates of GAIA
was because they would not give him
the gate money.
IF Edison would only discover some
mode Of utilizing the Ii ght of other days
we might do away with the big bills Of
gas-light companies.
A FACETIoUs old lady, describing the
rambling sermons of her minister, said:
If his text had the smallpox his SER
mon would never catch it."
Two men passed down the avenue
this afternoon. One slipped and fell and
the other entered an eating house. One
got shaked bad and the other got baked
shad.
You might as we'll back mule up
against beehive end tell him rot to
kick, as to tell woman about wedding
and not set her under jaw in notion
E2maira Gazette.
IF an equal, Numerically speaking,
haven't she slightest suspicion but that
the two would be thick friends Xonkers
Statesman.
"PR1soNER, how old are your"
"Twenty-two, your honor" "Twenty-
two? your papers make out that you
was born twenty three years ago." $50
[ was, but | spent one year in prison,
and don't count that--it was lost time"
"No," said Texas lawyer, as he
placed a couple Of loaded derringers on
the table before him; the fact that the.
witness is desperate man will not deter
me from asking him such questions as I
ruay deem proper"
A BRIDGEPORT, Conn.,, girl recently
got button in her ear and has suffered
terribly ever since. Some villain sug-
gests that the young men thereabouts
ought to see that the breast buttons on
their coats are well sewed on.
A YOUNG lady's hat blew off Satur-
day morning and was run over by a
broad wheeled cart. The ribbons were
somewhat soiled, but the hat is now the
very latest fall shape.-Norristoa0n Her.
azd
AND now the returned city people
write to their country cousins, with
whom they have been staying, that they
arrived safely, but found the city infect
ed with smallpox, which is likely to last
all winter.-Boston Post.
AN Iowa lady took her little child
into cemetery for the first time, and
upon showing him marble figure of g.
lamb upon g. grave, was at once appalled,
and delighted to hear him exclaim: "I
suppose an old sheep is buried there.'
IT'S the sweetest thing in life to see
the childlike simplicity and Difference
to maternal authority which a maiden
of IS or 40 will exhibit before roomful
of people as she skips across the floor to
ask dear mamma if she may walk up and
down the piazza for little while.-An-
dreaUs' Basor.
HEY were up among the mountains
in Pennsylvania. Chow grand it is!''
said Miss Enthusiast. "I see nothing to
ADMIRE" replied Miss Blase; CT have
been in Switzerland" Her companion
was almost crushed, but she said plead
ingly, II have never been in Switzerland
and this looks SO fine to me. I hope you
wont mind. "-Forney's Progress.
"WHY do we say in the Lords Prayer,
Who art in heaven since God is
everywhere?' asked a clergyman Of
some children. For while no one an
swered; at last seeing a little drummer
boy who looked as if he could give an
answer, the clergyman said: We'll,
little soldier, what say your" BE.
cause it's headquarters" replied the
drummer.
elbow did you Like The hymnsf'
asked Charley of his city cousin as they
left the church one Sunday. "One Of
them was just splendid" replied she
with enthusiasm. "Ah, which oneT'
The one in the next pew, with black
curly hair and such killing black eyes.
O, think he was the most fascinating
6 him. of ALL" Charley became too much
confused to pursue the conversation any
further.
"TRULY," said M. Skimpole, when
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