Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-11-05
FuNNYaRAPHs.

AICeT Lne opera Is over.
If poverty is disgrace, mended
stockings are darned shame.
The Goddess of Liberty" on the
penny is q regular copper-head.
PAPER is now used for car wheels. It
has been used for tracts for q long time.
A WORM in the chestnut is worth two
In the mOuth.-Steubenvalle Herald.
A BELT around the waist is better than
two over the head.-Hdckensdck Re
publican.
A PHILOSOPHER remarks that man may
SOW his wild oats, but he never can SOW
his corns.
The man who pulls old cart-wheels
to pieces Is an untiring workman
american Punch. 80.
The wife of Philadelphia who had
his life heavily insured set his life down
to profit loss.
THE average young woman's hair
should be well preserved, because it is
80 carefully put up.
AN appropriate song for the pirates in
Ned Buntline's novels" Our saucy
ships ty."-NorristoDn Herald.
WHEN a Sioux warrior leaves his
badly ventilated wigwam he merely
steps out for a little hair.
You're men may be made of brass,
but the Cincinnati Commercial says young
ladies are made of belle metal.
A NEW JERSEY firm is putting up
Hackensack mosquitoes in Gems and sell
ing them for spotted Holsters.
THERE are only three things you can
get for nothing In this world-air,
water and advice.-Syracuse Herald.
STRANGE as it may seem, Mrs. Oak
ley's :. From Attic to Cellar is all com
prised in one story,
WHEN we look west we feel that we
would like to see an Indian fall instead
of an Indian summer Whitehall Times.
No dictionary can equal the child's
definition of chaos. 1t is great title
of nothing" she said, +" and nowhere to
put it,"
IT wouldn't be exactly the thing to
call chestnuts eggs because they are
buried fruit, would it, Yonkers States
man.
"IF there is no moonlight, will you
meet me by gaslight, dearest Juliana?"
=" No, Augustus, | WON'T" she replied;
I'm no gas meter"
PROFESSOR" Can you tell me of
what parents the great Napoleon was
born?" Student-"Of Cors-i can" -
Yale Record.
The lightning rod man must be allow
ed good profit for when ne sells out his
business he never can get much for the
good will.
A sCEooLMIsTREss asked child what
see spelt. The child hesitated. Said
the teacher: "What do / do when l
look at Mr.. Smith," "Thquint," re-
piled the pupil.
4 GOOD old negro was burned to
crisp recently somewhere down in Geor-
gia. The text of the funeral address,
oddly enough, was: DWELL done, thou
good and faithful servant.-Ronae Ss,at5-
mel.
"SEE here, Jones, why don't you fence
in your premises'" "Oh, there's no
need of it, so long always a-railing
around the house, is there pr Yonker's
Gozette.
GWEN the wickets cease from troub-
ling and the weary are at rest" refers to
tuO Sd1OCh EdkC Oll u COlu u1kuts AACA
the lovers measure noses by the ruddy
urday.
A MAN noticing placard Room TO
Rent" went in and found the apartment
in a shabby condition, whereupon he
remarked that he didn't desire to rent
'room for improvement" -Bufalo Sun
day Times.
Some one asked Prince G. what
the great powers of Europe were He
replied, as only Freedman could, and
with the wit of Talleyfand: They
are England, Germany, France, Russia
and women"
OLD Scotch lady (buying a plaid
"Oo?" Shopman-" Al, co." Old
Lady-"A oo?" Shopman-"Ay, a
co." Old Lady--"A ae oo?" Shop
man-"O, al ae co." (Here our re-
porter left hastily,-Judy.
CETEwAYo, the captive Zulu king, is
said to be rather handsome man, and
"wears a two-dollar tablecloth of the
ordinary red and green pattern" We
judge his newspaper portraits don't fat
Ter him-NorYastoacn Herald.
ARABELLA (On her tOos in chair,
clutching convulsively at her skirts)-
ooh, Bridget! mouse! mouse! Come
and catch it, quick" Bridget" Sure,
nam, there's no hurry. If this one gets
away, can catch plenty more for yer,
mum" -AndreaOs' Bazaar.
LANGUAGE of the Nose: Lightly
striking it with tie right forefnger-I
love you. Blowing it-Keep away from
me, or Pll holler. Turning it up-I can't
it; it grew that way. Wringing it with
thumb and finger-My heart is broken,
and I'be got code id by ed.
IS "WA1rER, my BILL" Here it is, sir"
" There's mistake in it," examining it
with ruffled brow. What is it7"
6. You have put scotelette with only
one t." "Let me correct it." The
waiter takes the bill in his hands, and
adds to it: Zone tea, 80 confines"
Twas Sunday MORN and Rev. Jones
Was breakfasiiDg with GRAY.