Daily Republican., 1879-03-20
HUMOROUS.

superstitious people of Bude is wortl
relating: At full moon in the Jolly o
about 1895 he rowed out to a rock som'
distance from the shore, plated sea
weed into wig, which he threw ovel
his head, 80 that it hung in lanl
streamers half way down his back
enveloped his legs in an oil-skin wrap
and, otherwise naked, sat on rock
flashing the moonbeams about from Z
hand mirror, and sang and screamed til
attention was arrested. Some people
passing along the cliff heard and saw
him, and ran into Bude, saying that
a mermaid with fish's tail was sit.
ting on rock cembing her hair and
singing. A number Of people lined the
beach, and listened awe-stricken to the
singing and disconsolate wailing Of the
mermaid. Presently she dived off the
rock and disappeared. The next night
crowds Of people assembled to look out
for the mermaid, and in due time she
reappeared, and sent the moon flashing
in their faces from her glass. Telescopes
were brought to bear on her; but she
sang on unmoved, braiding her tresses,
and uttering remarkable sounds unlike
the singing ofmortal tbroats which have
been practiced in Do-re.mi. This went
on for several nights, the crowd growing
greater, people arriving from all the
villages round, till Robert Hawker got
very hoarse with his nightly singing,
and rather tired Of sitting 80 long in
the cold. He therefore wound up the
performance one night with an unmis-
taxable "God save the king" then
plunged into the waves, and the mer-
maid never again visited the sounding
shores of Bude."
CHEAP ELocUTIoN.-Yesterday fore
noon while Justice Frank sat warming
his feet by the steve, and his nose by a
cigar, a stranger entered and present
ly inquired:
Judge, how much will you charge
mo 10 read over about fifteen lines OF
printed matter frem book | have p"
"Why, can't you read them ?" re-
piled his Honor.
~ can, but I want to hear how the
lines sound when read aloud. Pll
give you a quarter to read them to
me-"
"All right" replied the Justice-"I
can't earn two shillings any quicker"
A woman opened the door at that
moment. and the stranger pnt down
the book on the desk, clasped her hand
and said:
"Bsgin at the pencl-mark there, and
read slewly."
His Honor's chin dropped exactly
eighteen inches by dry measure as he
saw that the reading matter was the
usual form of marriage, but he didn't
back down from his word: 1t was the
cheapest marriage he had attended,
and he didn't half enjoy the chuckles
Of bride and groom as they went out.
A BADLY.FRIcHrENgD STRANGER, " ose' ,
dress betrayed the fact that he hadn't
much ready cash, called a. the central
police station and complained that two
men had been following him around
for several hours with a view to rob,
berry. "Well, you'd better leave your
money here until you get ready to leave
town." suggested the captain. "But l
haven't got any--not dollar" was
the reply. "Then how can they rob
your "That's so, never thought of
that" chuckled the man as his face
frightened. "After they've gone to
the trouble Of knocking me down and
dragging me into some alley they won't
find red in my pockets-ha ha ha !"
He went went away highly delighted,
declaring that great burden had been
taken off his mind.
David Crockett once visited menag.
erie at Washington. and, pausing a
moment before'a particularly hideous
monkey, exclaimed, "What resem-
blance to the Hon. Mr.. "" The words
we've scarcely spoken, when he turned
and, to his establishment saw standing
at his side the very man whom he had
somplimented. 81 beg your pardon"
said the gallant Colonel; 81 would not
have made the remark had | known
you were near me, and am ready to
make the most humble apology for my
objectionable rudeness; but"-lookipg
first at the insrited member of Congress
whose face was anything but lovely,
and then at the animal compared to
him-"hang it if can tell whether |
onght to apologize to you or to the mon
keyn
How TO DIVIDE THE PRoPERTY.-He
had been sitting still 50 long that his
mother expected to find him asleep,
when she looked around and asked:
"Well, Harry, what are you thinking
of" "Ma, are We very rich ?' he
solemnly inquired by way of reply.
In one way we are, she said; your faith
er says he values me at three million
dollars, you at two millions, and the
baby at one. That closed the converse
tiOn Oh that subject, but next morning
as Harry was getting on his overcoat,
he examined the rev patch which had
been added and cody observed: "Well,
think father had better sell off about
the half of you or the whole Of the ba
by and got the rest of us some decent
duds to put on"
"What great thing the invention
Of the steam-engine is" exclaimed a
Frenchman, slipping his coffee in one of
the Paris restaurants. "Why sO," in
quired friend sitting next to him.
Because it is to that great invention
that owe my fortune. My aunt, who
was killed last month by railroad ac-
cident, has left me 100000. A month
to. day YVES hard at work trying to earn
living; to-day am a gentleman.-
What a great invention the steamer
gine is"
And still the missionary cause wakes
stronger. New Bedford has clever