The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-04-10

CnOlce, $4.OUu4 OOOu, O4.SCV5OVS
Medium Grades, &3.75a14-25: Rntchers' Sick,
Good to Choice, $3.OO@4.25. Sheep-Poor
to Choice, $3.75@55O
MULTUM IN PARvO-
The first mortgage is always lest.
To MAKE mango-Read him your
last poem. ul
No ONE knows how precious air is
until he gets out of breath.
THE Mennonites who emigrated to
Brazil are returning to Russia.
4 A MAN cannot expect a full meas
ure of happiness in a pair of tight
boots.
IT takes more sense to write good
nonsense than it does to write good
sense.-Newport Local.
The man ready to drink himself to
death is prepared to meet death with q
smile.-M. o. Picayuae.
A MULE will behave himself eleven
years and six months just to get one Off
hand shot at middle shirt-st1d.
IT is Philadelphia journal that Ia
ments over the roar and confusion of
vehicular tumults in the streets.'
A BALLAD of two Continents: -.
"Now who is 'ere?" asked the Engiishman.
"Oh, Ameer," said Yakoob Khan
Atlanta Constitution.
THE people of Cacheville, Yolo Coun-
ty, Cal, have decided that the Chinese
must go by refusing to rent their build
ing to them.
AN Italian has made a clock of bread.
Some unprincipled persons might call
this the knead of the hour, but it is best
not to notice them.
A MULES HEAD is not capable of Gull
ture and refined rearing, but it is won
derful to what an extent the other end
of him can be reared.
THE Detroit Free Press says: "Pour
the same whisky on their cellar floors
that men pour down their throats, and
every rat will take his departure"
The wisest man we ever knew was q
Jew who remarked: 81 tell you vat it
ish, young man, buys my egsberience
vresh ef'ry day.'-Baltinaore Every
Saturday. -.. r
Music hath charms to soothe the
see cross dog with a brass band
around his neck.-Philadelphia Chroni-
Gle Herald. H.i'
"MoTHER is all the time telling me
not to bolt my food,' said the small
boy, and now she has gone and bolted
up the cupboard that has got all the
company victuals. "-New Haven Regis
ter.
ONE of the finest puns was made by
Erskine. Seeing an old tea-chest, he
wrote on it the Latin inscription, q" tn
doces." This bit of classic lore, when
properly translated, means "Thou
teachest." t..
A VERY old lady, on her death-bed,
in a penitential mood. said: II have
been q great sinner more than eighty
years, and didn't know it." An old
colored woman, who had lived with
her long time, exclaimed: "Lors!
knowed it all the time" 80. -.
ACCORDING to the following lines
there are some clergymen whose eyes
are never visible, and for the best Of
reasons:
Icanaot praise the doctors eyes.
l never saw his glance divine
For when he prays he shuts his eyes,
And when he breaches he shuts mine.
IN. =. Herald.
We learn that very fatal disease
has broken out in Scott County, be-
tween Hillsboro and the county line,
which is pronounced by the physicians
as black measles, and by the negroes as
the black plague. 1t is very contagi-
GUS and very fatal-not q single case
having recovered.-BrGnlon Mss. }
Republican. -
DEAN STANLEY makes no gestures
when preaching, and stands quite still.
The story goes that one Sunday, after
returning from church, he asked his
wife why the people looked so intently
at him during the service. She replied:
How could they help it, dear, when
one of your gloves was on the top Of
your head all the timer" 1t had drop
ped from his hat.
In South Carolina q negro was on
trial for burglary, but it was proven
that he crawled into the mill through q
hole in the wall, unfastened the door, set
the flour out, fastened the door again
and crawled out through the same hole.
The jury was instructed to acquit, as
there was no breaking, SO they brought
in the verdict: 1--WE find for the de-
PENDANT, but we believe he stole the
-four"
Trru N;uo;nuo+; no.,.~,oo~,o r,.n..x.
that rs walking is the rage and running
is called walking, it would be well to
burst up the bloated British pride about
their pedestrians, by introducing q
genuine American into the matches Of
the temples of sawdust. Summon q
noble red man from his home in the
settin' sun and see whether he cannot
trot off one hundred miles per day for
seven successive days. The true old
strain of American blood and sinews,
toughened in. the buffalo chase, should
tell in q time like this. - - es I
A COUPLE Of San Francisco burglars
recently stole, among other things, q
quantity of gamblers implements.
Among them was an exceedingly in
genious apparatus which was exhibited
In court as evidence against the men,
and is designed to facilitate cheating
at cards. The continuance consists Of
an arrangement Of springs In . frame
which passes around the players arm
beneath his coat-sleeve, and contains
the cards designed to be used in cheat
ing. Attached to the apparatus il a
string which passes around the player
body to his left hand. BY means Of the
string the player can throw out the
cards 30 as to 'stock" his hand, and
Withdraw those that he does not con-
slider strong enough to play against his
opponent. The machine bore evidence
OF long service, and has doubtless
emPasd the pockets ct many green