The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-07-26
VARIETY.
Are all the AEghaus wOrsted

Are all the Afghans worsted7
A ticket Of leave-n theatre check.
The early deg drinkss all the milk from the
pail on the front stoOp.
Lorne is the only man who ever swore
allegiance to his mother-in-law.
A tramp wishes he could have nightmare, be-
cause il comes from eating too much.
The torrid zone should be considered the finest
part Of the world, because it bears the palm.
mans curiosity never reaches the female
standard until some one tells him his name was
in yesterdays paper.
Piper kerosene cans are the latest. By using
them, servant girls and kitchens can be blown up
much cheaper than-they can with the tin article.
Next to a sealskin sacque, nothing will please
q woman Of thirty 50 much as to be mistaken
for her niece OF sixteen
An Irishman tells OF a fight in which there was
only one whole nose left in the crowd, I" and that
belonged to the tay-kettle-"
An old lady being asked to subscribe to a
newspaper, declined on the ground that when she
wanted news she manufactured it herself.
A poet who had expressed n wish to die
amidst the grand solitude OF the eternal noun
tain tops. - was killed by the explosion Of pint
o! cheap kerosene.
There never was but one man who went to sea
as a mater Of choice, and that man was Noah,
for If he remained on shore he would have been
drowned
Some careful and deep-thinking student dis
covered that the word '' debt " is composed OF
the initials s' dun everybody twice" a. Credit
il formed Of the initial letters Of " call regularly
every day : III trust.'
A liquor dealer applied to q customer for
Recommendation Of n certain brand Of whisky he
had already sold him. The customer wrote 90
have tried all sorts OF insect poison, and find
none equal 20 your Old Cabinet whisky.
SIR" said a weaU tramp to the gentleman
who stands behind the hotel-counter, a. Sir, / am
n social eonundrurn." Then, :" exclaimed the
clerk. pointing sadly toward the door, " then
never more be guessed OF mine"
A man asked for admission to a show for half
price, as he had but one eye But the mana
see the show as it would anybody else, and
charged him double.-C Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Byron, my son, - said literary father to his
athletic son, a. Byron, never played base ball"
I" No, said the boy, putting on his orange
colored shirt {" and George Washington never
wrote poetry" Here the morning hour expired,
and the bill went Over.-BOstOH Courier.
Proud Mother-Come. Mamie, darling, what
IL three times three? Mamie hesitates. p. NJ.
lis it nine, darling Smart child is not quite
prepared to answer. p. M.-Now, isn't 1t nine,
precioas2 Smart child sees safety in its mothers
eyes, and mods. Admiring female relatives pass
the dear child around thu A--ulatory circle-and
Why do you look so gIum and cross, Will
liam, whenever l ask you to go out with me to
any party or theatre?'' inquired Isabella. ' My
love-" said William, '' there would be no merit
IN going were not making an awful sacrifice
Of NV own feelings. Permit me the pleasure of
showing that go only to please, my dear"
A man having fallen into slough, his friend
called loudly to another for assistance. The lat
ter who was busily engaged in cutting a bog,
and wishing to procrastinate, inquired, I" How
deep is the gentleman in p; 81 Up to his ankles, 4"
was the answer, " Then there lis plenty Of time -
said the other. - No, there's not" reioined the
first, .. for he's in head first"
Man sometimes reaches an exalted position
Sometimes pride lifts him up 50 high that he will
scarcelv recognize or commune with others even
on his own level riches may gain for him
honors and the admiration Of his felIow-men he
nav court the Muses. and win everlasting fame ::
he nav cultivate the sciences and win renown by
some discovery either in the blue ethereal heavens
or in the dark caves OF the earth he may become
the most noted Of men, and thus be freed from
associating with those of common class; but
nevertheless he cannot help unconsciously keep
ing step with ss~'tune off brass band that passes
him on the street.
People who ride on the Woodward avenue
route have often noticed that when q certain tall
q solemn-lookfug man, aged about so, boards a
full car he always holds whispered conversation
with some man who ut once gives him seat and
retires TO the platform. The tall man never has
10 stand and hang to the strap simply because he
understands human nature. CHANGING around
the ear he selects his victim, beads down and
eon6deutially whispers, Z" Make no move to at
TRACK attention. and listen carefully to what say.
You, have an ink-stain on your nose and your
necktfe IL unfastened. Step out on the platform
moment and brush up" The victim steps