, 1879-05-11

1 As u. ;
S no reason to doubt his good fnith.
A social scientist Of statistical turn Q
mind has discovered that within the last month tn
average good looks Of the private coachmon hay
gone down from TO- A3 to less than 26 58 while rh
percentage ct apollo Eelvederes and so on tna
bring advertisements to THE SUNDAY TRIBUNE be
] ginning 'tWanted-By Coachman' has riacn II
; the same period from I. .10 to Co. 43.
I Queen Victoria receives tribute, of Indit
saawls from HindostAn annually, aud works thon
of in wedding presents. When the Duke Of Con-
nanght's marriage vas over, the Duke, with dull,
cold feeling ut his heart asked the Duchess what
the old lady had come down for. 'tThis is shawl, "
said the blushsng bride. she held up the incvi.
table present. Of the priceless fabrics OF the
l. little boy at Now York scooped up tin
pail full Of mlnnows and polywogs the other day
from tho paternal creek, and went fishing. He
didn't catch anything; but prominent city caterer
who happened to be passng bought his bait Of him
for quarter, and next day New York was agitated
to its centre, anu the prominent city caterer YVES
selling the m'nnows and poyWogs At six FOR s. al
WHlrEBAIr!t
~ presume you are connected with the
establishment, ~ 'said, defcrcntially, gentleman
TO another who had been loudly Wanting the beau
] ties and glories OF -'s circus. advertising
rates can he learned on application Ut the count
fns-roona, II have the honor, sir, to be ADVANCE
agent, said tho party addressed. 'tAh: should
have thought you were the 1yin' King, replied his
| interlocptor. Then thes clinchcl.
/ $50, you brewt, you have come home
tight agan!' said fond wife the other morning as
her husband fell up stairs, and, sitting down in
the bowl where the bread had been set to rise,
burst into tears and asked her set 'em up again.
-he would not 70 home till morning. *'Tight
MnElar, f" said htg with 1eproachfu1 tone that no
arrangement Of types-not even a gar map-could
reproduce; ''thisish not drunkennesh, ,-thishish
'moshional 'shanity."
Why, Harold Edgar, where have you
been?" said fond mother to her 5-year- old of
spring, as he appeared late the other evening after
having been gone since breakfast time, having In
the meantime acquired scratch down his nose.
black cye "A thick eoating OF dust, and dead hen
tied to string at an expenditure of one shoe,
th!ee- quarters OF his hat and the majority Of the
scat OF his trovscrloous: .You'd better ask |
Where haven't been, " said the p1odisai, making
break for the fatte1 tea table,
a drugsis out Oottage Grove way had bis !
night pulled out by tho roots couple Of NIGHTS
ago at s d. m., by man who wanted three cent /
stamp, aud subsequently the customer came back /
anu k1ckca IN 81 worth OF the panels OF the zide-
door 10 got the stamp changed for another with tho
STATUTORY amount OF gum upon It,. The druggist |:
IVES 30 mad that he nursed his wrath till the f1rst
customer came along, and gave him dose OF
some mia spring mcdicir you know u that l.
would have made clothes -wrlnger bend double in I
agour. -. " +
how is your son, Mrs. So-and-so pm
sao female acquaintance the other day to lady
up III the West Division, the youth INQUIRED after
having left Chicago between two DAYS last fall hc
;anse OF hnd3ns poc&etbook the proprietor f
1aont iost- ''Wel!, he is doing very well. in
iced. replied the lady addressed, with true mn
ernat pfide. was little afraid that, with his
Wild ways. he might get into trouble, especla1lv I
mon% such rough people as they have M in the
':acS ha1Is' nht r. bus sieadfed down and OBJ |;
alncd an Important aud lucrative position m |:
gent for a railroad company, and he has sent mn /
Eomo lot of money. After all, the boy had |
ooo hearts but isn't it wonderful that one so I I
ouhe NJ ne Is should get 30 Important a position l.
nc ne perfect stranger, tooy'' II didn't thin:
aeY had any railroad out in the Black Hills, said
er friend. well, perhaps it isn't railroad: !
II nc said IN his letter was that he was road |
gent. j.. f,t
a Nest Side man Of an ingenious turn of
'lna mas IN idea which he thinks there arc untold Il
l144'ohs IN. lie proposes to undertake. to dsuose + =
w Tue aaapeF dead OF the county for d purely T.
ominas sum, or, il necessary. he will even pay
peEaliJ for the privilege lyon &c., he said tn Il
lnihcSE reporter yesterday, ''ait I'll have to do
be to 60 cahouts with the Coroner -fnoue.ta nm l.
'eh one Plant corpscs wherever thew wiz ~ -
ost good. Cut one IN pieces aud sev It IN in n :,
ala -sack with Curl between the teeth of the J.
saa, Seek not to diacover tho cause OF nv sul- l.
oe' org 1nqnest. long reports in the newspa- cs
'rs; indeed, think the reporters would ante mn
metn'ns. Tor we'd keep 'em in sensations a}l the.
Ut Founa- Ut put up Il romantic suicide with IL
'y letters on pink tinted papers in the 1}fe1csa
'ckets. Dou'tyou see:' Why there's thou;and. "
aTs we could use up those corpses, and therc /
on1o De Tees on zach. tell you it's the biggest .
ea Of The century, andif Gun work the combna- ol
N you'll see such an era OF acctteuta! deaths IT
ieldes, mysterious crimes. and horrors is III | ca
Ike an adfniring and shuddering natiou hand
er IT. hat and say, IT'S use trying to beat a.
r. Chicago Is the boss town." '..>-* =" en-
:. ---- -: .-',-< ~
1t was on railroad entering this o,tv.: and
, two heroes were erizzled,' suuburned mon ~
appearance. They occupied q seat to- ~ ~
Enef, and when one OF them took ont js ,ya,,ot 1A
pay tae tFa'n-ooy for two apples he dtspaved n ~
OF o1l's Ike sttcEo Of cordwood in diameter.
1appes ana well-dtcased ;yoans man on the seat be
'front.' OF them thereupon became very sociable pe
J. learning that they miners from Leady;ita Bo
ming TO Chicago to see about investing their
'fth' he warned them iu eloquent terms aeatnst mo
, tha ,vonna. ,a.s: 4 1ns :" es'efn metropolis Nj
SAFE, soeth about Ike roaring lion IN n ncw
ing oSercoat and dyed musrache seeking waom :.
may rope in, and don't you forget it. Above mi
sa1d their new sacauaintance,, warmly oct
void striking. up acquaintances with ut,er rec
myers who may address you in public Fa'
ces or npon the .. cars. Many md
" :1ulneo man can trace his insolvency to cen
a. ,r1o .,aa 0noment made friends with aut
hns $50 5o!"k: 90 1ls part OF the county, pre