The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-04-05
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
These beautiful wor,I. are sheIlcys.-
i5ii s s me 5i. a -9Iaasy 9t aSy OF si sss1h2 aa
If we would always follow the advice Of
Shakespeare it would be the better for
What thou wilt.
Thou shaI. rather enforce IL with smile
Than hew tot with thy sword
- schooner Of beer for five cents - is trans
lated by French paper so as to read, 80 In
America you can get boat full Of beer for five
cents"
Sydney Smith was never at Il loss for an an
swer. His physician, while prescribing for him
one day, remarked that he ough. g '"ke ysasi-
every day on an empty stomach. " Whose?'
was the quick reply
There is a sharp discussion going on as to
whether the coming man is to be general,
statesman n clergyman. All these predictions
are far from the truth. The coming man will
be a waiter, for the poet distinctly says
The world Is his =ho best knows how to wait
During the Mexican war one Of the Generals
came up to Captain Bragg and said Captain,
the crisis has arrived Fire - WhereupOn the
Captain said to his Lieutenant 80 You hear
what the General says-firei - The Lieutenant
said - But, Captain, don't see anything to
fire att - Fire a. the crisis =! said the Captain
BoyhoOd is candid, and middle age, though it
\ may think the same things, is retieent. 80 What
y part asked Sunday school teacher, - OF The
BuTim Of Sir John Moore do you like best ?"
He was thoughtful for a moment and then
piled :-'' Few and short were tue prayers we
said
The ills Of the mind are greater than the ills
Of the flesh. It is said that Of two men, one Of
whom has q raging toothache, while the other is
desperately in love, the man who has the tooth
ache viii always 60 to sleep first
A man will sit still in the theatre for three
hours and~think the play the shortest he ever
saw, and yet sit as uneasily in his pew on Sunday
as though he were being used for = pincushion
and think the twenty minute sermon the longest
he ever heard.
- Readiu', spellin' and spankin' 1" is what
makes good men out of bad boys. This is what
Solomon said, or words to that effect.
The old Greeks used to think Of their greatest
men as demigods, and we like to do the same.
1t CRATES on our nerves, therefore, to hear that
Bismarck, who makes Europe tremble whenever
he Is angry, insists on having his eggs hard
boiled, and denounces the cook IN words Of ten
syIlables when he makes a mistake.
Puck has written an obituary which ought to
receive the prize OF a chaplet Of dry parsley.
Not every poet could express so much in so few
words or 50 delicately refer to sad facts
lady named Mary Maguiah
Had fSs sSTss S6od AZ bei8H gsting a4seH her h-ah
Pause Then continued solemnIyl
She has gone where the fuel a. dry-ah.
A lecturer wishing to explain to a little girl |
the manner in which lobster casts his shell
when he has OutgrOwn it, said " What do |
you do when you have outgrown your clothes?
You throw them aside, don't you ?'' - Oh, no -
replied the little one, we let out the tucks.'
The lecturer confessed che had the advantage Of |
him there.
Al. ID u
when speaking about Cain and Abel, asked one
Of his scholars, - Where did Cain 90 alter he
killed Abel p 50 lie went to bed, sir, was the
reply - Went to bed Where do you get that
information ?'' said the teacher. 8" It's in the
chapter, sir, that Cain, after he had killed Abel
went TO the land Of Nod
A teacher once endeavored to illustrate faith
thus - Children, if 1 should tell you that Ole
day l slw a monkey climbing a liberty pole,
would YOU believe me?f' - Yes sIr,'' unani- /
mously. " Well. that is faith; you believe me
because 1 say it, and yOu feel that 1 would not
tell untruth." The next day the question |
was asked Of the same children, - What Is |
faith?" "a monkey climbing liberty pole"
answered quick little boy.
There is nothing like strong common sense
An Irish soldier went to his station with the
order to report anything remarkable that hap
pened during the night. \ drunken fellow fell
from the wall and broke his neck and report
made. w hen questioned ABOUT II Fat re-
piled -. Faith, and 1 Obeyed orders. If the
man had fallen of the wall and not broken his
neck should certainly have reported it.
Children ought to be repressed, because they
tell too much truth. lt Is q habit from which
we entirely recover when reach years Of dis
cretion. physician child was encouraged to
write poetry, but after her first attempt the wise
parent suggested that she should turn her pro-
digious genius into some other channel. The
verses which drew him to this conclusion were:
There was a little girl and she very sick,
father sent for papa, and she died very quick
COUNTRY NEGRO vs.. Town NEGRO.-An eternal
warfare seems to rage between the country negro
and the town negro. This was illustrated at the
passenger depot yesterday. eOlOred youth
from Pike county approached a town negro, and
the following conversation ensued
ssWhar bouts is the tcket-ofice p
Right dar 70 yo' eyes
IS Fo' whose eyes?'
Yone."
81. Is you de ticket-Offce ?''
s. Look yer, Niger, don't you gimme none yO'
slack
'iI'm mighty slack man, ole man, wen
gifts stirred up
.sAn' yoT git stirred up ef you stan roun'
yer loolin' longer me-"
OATS de kint Of excise wat I'm pinin'
fer
And with that they clinehed and had right
lively tussle. Ney were separated, however,
before a policeman came along, and the Pike
Eouud the tieLaf Office The TOWN