The Newtown bee., 1879-09-03
Mixed Pickles.

a Law OF NEwsPApERs-"Nei Neither lem
der nor borrower be.--Qaincy Modern
Argo. No; strive to be NEwTowN BEE.
The flower named bachelors button"
Is so called because it is apt to fall Off
Mem Orleans Picouune.
Your time has co mew remarked Mrs.
hobbs, as the jewelers. boy brought in
her husbands watch. York Neics.
The average watering place belle is
about as useful rs porcelain egg
Hackensack Republican.
A painter, who was hard OF hearing, at
n spelling match, the other evening, ask
ed the captain to "write the darned word
down 80 a fellow can tell what it is.
There arc plenty OF thoroughbred
horses, but it is difficult to find thorough
bread baker.-ErchanQe. We don't knead
any such items.
About the guiltiest-looking people in
tho world are u man accused OF crime
OF which he Is innocent, and newly
married couple trying to pass for veterans.
Young man, if you want to raze
moustachc, you'll have to raise one first
-NelC Houen Register. If you truly love
her, young man, razor black one.
The old man of the sea was an ocean
buoy once.-Nelc Orleans Picdyoe. Ocean
such puns. Leave them for the heavy
swells.
Little girl Ito mama): Mama, may
have beau?" Astonished mama: "Why,
you naughty childw Little girl: "a bow
in my hair, l mean"
A gentleman, who suffered much from
palpitation OF the heart, says he was in
s,antly relieved by applying another pal
plating heart to the region affected.
20, where is my boy tonight" We
know not. dear madame, but imagine that
he Is with Arabella on the front stOop,
giving her a breeze.
metropolitan challenges any man in
New York to whistle with him for 500
per side. Why don't he hunt up the ed
tlors who frequently have to whistle for
their money.
At the approach OF cool days the farm
or puts on his har-vest.-Ne,c Haven Reg
lister. And pants for his drawers, and
when out of temper cuffs and collars his
help, in fact. Just " socks it " to them.
The smart small boy is again on the
war-path. and this time at the supper
table, where he compared his city cousins
shorn Uranium to the sliced pineapple
Because, ma, it's a pineapple cut"
Hubbard's Advertiser says: "a sign
board can't tell everything 1t takes an
advertisement to do that" The COM
positor erred. In place of IAN advertise
ment" 1t should have read "a woman"
A boy genius was offered dollar to dig
up his aunts garden. He forthwith
buried dime in it, and then told all the
boys In the nelghborhood. The next
morning the ground was pulverized two
feet deep. The next day the circus ar
rived Yankee Blade.
There's no show In this town for me, Vt
said tramp to Brookline phi ilanthro-
pist. Never mind, my good man
Forepaugh's circus Is on exhibition In
the little town yonder, just by the know.
nothing station" replied the philanthro
pist, as he pointed towards the Hub
Yankee Blade.
The following testimonial of a certain
a,oI,, he 60 at
Sir,-Two months ago my wife coulc
hardly speak. She has taken two bottles
of your Life Renewer' and now she cam
speak at all. Please send me two more
bottles. 1 wouldn't be without it for th'
world. ~ Yankee Blade.
Peck's Sun, speaking of scheme tc
open a home in Chicago for "inebriatet
women" says, an inebriated woman
must be thing of beauty" Hardly bu
should you come across one that is hand
some. she is certainly beauty "full."
Norristo,pn Herald.
schoolmistress, while taking dow
the names and ages Of her pupils and tn,
names of their parents at the beginning
OF their term, asked one little fellow
whats your fathers manner" "Oh, yo
needn't take down his name; he's too oil
to go to school to woman" was the re
ply.
A gentleman with an invalid wife wen
to an hotel. He ordered breakfast in hi
sIttlng-room, and then asked for sma
waiter, that breakfast might be carrie
to his wife In her bedroom. The servar
was absent some time. but at length RI
turned, saying, There are no sma
walters in the house, sir; but they'y
sent up q chamber-maid." Great relic
was experienced when 1t was understood
that the waiter wanted was in the forl
of a tea-tray.
New England Spiritualists are holdiI
a camp meeting at Mount Pleasant, al
Mr.. Allen, medium, is delighting the
with new phase of naturalization. FL
seances are begun in the dark, but sparl
Of what he calls Esprit fire" soon Ri
from the cabinet, and by this fitflil ligl
what purport to be forms OF The dead b
come visible.-Erchange What bett'
place can be found than your avera;
camp ground for sparks" and ''sper
inQ2"