Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-03-12
Trifes.

IrItfeS.
What this country has never seen,
and never will, is hen that can lay d
wager.
If Americans go to Pelin, China,
why should John Chinaman not come
to peek in America. Boston Transcript.
The late husband, when he finds that
somebody has stolen the keyhole out of
his door, and efficiently rings the bell,
knows exactly who the Coming
Woman" is,-Someruille Journal.
"Did you do nothing to resuscitate
the bodY?" was recently asked Of wit
ness, at d coroner's inquest. eyes sir.
We searched the pockets" was the
reply.
The only reason I got my ears box
ed" said Johnny, "was cause when
mother said a neighbor had borrowed
q hen of her, | said the lent-hen season
had arrived. . Yonkers Gazette.
Josh Billings says: II will state, for
the information Of those vino haven't
had chance to lay in sekrit wisdom az
freely az l have, that one single hornet
that feels we'll can break up a whole
camp meeting"
1t has been discovered that an organ
grinder can't be induced to visit % neigh
borhood after the residents have once
dropped Limburger cheese into his hat.
A hint to the wise is sufficient.-Phila-
delphia Chr onicle- Herald.
The Prince Of Wales has.been elected
All honorary member of Boston ma
litla company. Unless the government
wishes the Indians scared to death, this
news should be broken to them very
gently.-PhiIadelp1lia Chronicle Herald.
We can dimly perceive, coming up
the steep of time, the day when the
professors of pugllism in OR college
faculties will sit at the right hand Of the
presidents, and look down upon pro-
fessors of theology and metaphysics
Washington Post.
Governess (desirous of explaining
the word "enough"(-Now, suppose
Freddy, that you gave pussy all the
milk she can lap, all the meat she can
eat, and all the sweet cake she cares
for-what will she have?" Freddy,
with surprising alacrity )-"Kittens!"-
Boston Globe.
When about four years old, Edith
k was urging her grandmamma to
"play horse" "Why, darling, grandma
is to old to be a horse, objected the old
lady. The little one paused moment,
and then said in her most coaXing man
ner, "But grandma, it was an old horse
/ wanted"
When all old backwoodsman was
about to take his first trip on Mississ-
ippi steamboat, he was asked whether
be would take deck or cabin passage.
"Well," said he, in a resigned sort of
way, give lived all my life in cabin
and [ guess cabin passage will be good
enough for rough chap like me-
A Vermont preacher, after standing
the freezing temperature Of the church
as long as he could, broke out with
Brother Griggs, do see that this house
is better warmed this afternoon-it's OIL
no kind Of use for me to warn sinners
Of the dongers Of hell when the very
idea Of hell is comfort to them"
Country parson (who is taking the
views Of his congregation regarding the
introduction Of an organ), to an elderly
parishoner-"Well, Donald, are you II
favor of an organ?' Donald {tartly)-
"No!" Country parson-"Then yor
don't admire instrumental music, Don
ald?' Donald (severely{-"If ye wal
haaf music in the kirk, let it be tbv
ag-pipes."
A French physician Says that to ala.
anguish there is great advantage in cry
ing, especially during an operation. Ant
he is entirely right. Any 1ntelligen
boy will testify that during the opera
ton of applying the raternal shipper
good vigorous crying will shorten tn
operation and diminish the pain by a
beast one-half Rosee Sentinel,