The New York herald., 1879-09-07

peTGucc sorvlco
The Rev. William Lloyd. having returned from
Europe last week. will deliver appropriate sermons
to-day in Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church. In
the morning on THE Haven Reached" and in the
! evening on ''storms Stied-"
At the Madison Avenue Reformed Church tho Rev.
A. b. Jack of Hazleton. Pa will ohiciate this
ing and evening.
Attho New York Presbyterian Church the Rev. w.
w. Page will resume HIS pulpit labors to-day.
At the Church of the Heavenly Rest the Rev. DIR.
,R. s. Rowland will preach at the usual hours to-day.
Tho Rev. Z. Guibert breaches to-day, usual, in
the Church Of the Holy Spirit.
CHAT BY THE WAY.
1t is easy to believe Especial providences when
an unexpected bit Of good fortune happens you,
but whom it happens to your ncghbor you
more inclined to believe it a-simpie coincidence.
II you want to make suro of getting to heaven the
best way is to make early start.
It does not always follow that nun has weight OF
character because he has agreat many conscientious
scruples.
Some people die OF water ON tho brain. while
others manage to live with nero milk and In
the Same locality.
There men in this world so poor that they
can't even afford to keep aclean conscience.
1t Is thing to have sufficient confidence In
your neighbor to lend him dollar. and quite
II you are o true you will find it much easier
to please the world with your actions than please
yourself.
Here is . terrible fact for husbands to reflect
upon:-
Says Giles my wife and are two
Yet faith. know not why. sr;
Qnoth Jack, You're ten. IL I speak true,
She's one and you're cipher
Byron once said Of q lady whose tongue suggested
perpetual motion to visitor that she had been
dangerously i'll. but now dangerously well
again.
A gentleman who was asked for his marriage GER
tincste quietly took his hat of and pointed to bald
spot. The evidence was conclusive.
Mark Lemon once said that it is with narrow
souled people with narrow necked bottles-the
less they have in them tho noise they make in
pouring 1t out
II your minister lacks magnetism" by all means
get rid Of him. He may be good gold. a faithful
pastor hne scholar and true friend; but In these
modern times must have magnetism. simple
plain preacher who breaches tho fresh milk OF the
Gospel 10 not at all suited to wants. We must
have . man Of the condensed milk Sort He must be
the personihcation OF q whirlwind. man who tears
everything up by the roots and makes you wonder
what he will do next; man who will draw from all
neighboring churches, and increase your pew
rentals that you afford to have q quartet,
with soprano who lives the high C's and
| basso profundo whose lowest notes
from sepulchral depths who
wrthe rhctorically and twist himself into all
sorts Of logical contort:ons, until you find it impos-
siple to tell whether he is exactly orthodox not
or whether he is anything not By all means, in
these days Of electric light and bearded women let
the religious world keep up the general reputation
| and turn out nothing but meu Of immonse magnet
| ism, and who will promise never to grow old.
| from their theological minaries.
There arc some men, says Rivarol, who capable
| OF doing anything for money oven OF committing
| good deed.
! Tho worst thing that satd of dull writer
was that wrote in laudanun and sheets Of lead.
| Those people who always write poetry when they
are sad well and deservedly hit by Curran. who
said of Byron. Here is o man who first weeps
| his wife and then wipes his eyes with the public"
The burglars may be said to be thrifty set Of men.
because they open storo long before daylight.
| This is q story with moral:-A gentleman in the
midst Of stormy debate thought to smooth matters
by fow words of practical advice. so he said,
"Gentlemen. all want for the settlement Of this
| whole controversy is u little common sense"
| Jerrod, who present, disturbed his equanimity
by breaking in and saying You are right. sir; that
| is precisely what you do want"
| French cook is q being ingenious that he
| make really good dinner out OF next to nothing.
housewife would throw to the dogs. he is quite
satisfied and can construct from them bill of fare
| long enough to satisfy the most fastidioue. He
to have the ability to cut fish, fesh and fowl
| from the joints. The whole French people
| could live happily and abundantly on what
| Americans throw away. and then have enough lett
for their poorer neighbors. They peculiar in
their drinking in their eating. When the citizen
of our great Republic suffers from thirst he pours
| OF swallows. It homeward flies and the glass
is empty. His object to be to get it
as soon as possible aud then to get rid OF
| IL in the same manner. Tho Frenchman. the
other hand, sips his spoonful Of cognsc, and makes
it last for hslf hour, during which time he reads
the journal talks politics with his neighbor. We
must have everything. and even then not
happy, while he is pleased with rattle and enjoys
his black coffee moro than We would carrriaecand
four. There is this other difference between him
and rs. however. that when We get excited we have
Presidential election end allow our bad temper to
ind its vent political harangues. while he is salts
fed with nothing less than barricadc and guillo-
tine. On tho whole. therefore. inclined to
think that the Stars and Stripes much
national strength any other bit of bunting.
There are somc people whose religion runs oxly
Ms cold moiasses, as Holmes says. The Bible is .
very good book for thcir neighbors. and they al
ways try to do unto others just as they imagine
others would do unto them IL they had the chance
Patience is cardinal virtue which their creditors
ought 70 possess. and thoy perfectly willing to
be kept warm all winter by having the good people
whom they have wronged heap Goals of charitable
fire on their heads. They believe that everybody
ought to forgive the debts which they have man.
aged to run up themselves ana then pity thcm for
their misfortuncs when they pay only ten cents on
the dollar and travel on tho Continent with tho
other ninety per cent. II is wonderful what unan-
unity of opinion there is tho subject Of religion
for-every one in the world except yourself.
IL you would export half the wives in the world