The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-02-22
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.

The jawbone of an ass is still quite a
formidable weapon ---he,o York Herald.
Well, WE'LL Don't brag l. Detroit Post.
If some of our modern tragedians
would stop chewing soap and take to
swallowing crooked fish bones, the pub
lie would get more of its moneys worth
out of them Wheeling Leader.
"IsAy, Jack, which would you rather,
that lion tore you to pieces or a
tigerYN "Why, You goose, of course I'd
rather q, lion tore tiger in pieces.--Bos-
ton Globe.
THERE is one single fact, which one
may oppose TO all the wit and argument
of infidelity --namely, that no man ever
repented of being a Christian on his
death bed.
ABOUT one-half of all tho trouble in
this world is manufactured to order out
half is is the result Of not knowing the
true value of things.
SAY, what is honorf IT'S the finest sense
OF Justice which the human mind frame,
Intent each lurking frailty to disclam,
And guard the way of life from all ofense
| suffered or done. - Wordsworth.
AS wise men let themselves appear
natural before fools, it is well to appear
rs n fool at times to learn where men
who think themselves. wise are weak,
and then bind them, or know in the
future where to trust the javelin.
In struggling to make n dull-brained
boy understand what conscience is,
teacher finally asked, "What makes you
feel uncomfortable after you have done
wrongT Fathers leather strap"
feelingly replied the boy.
A MIsER's character described in two
lines: You who are not acquainted
with Mr.. b., can you tell me why, being
so rich, he always takes third-class
passage to go to his villaw ooh, it is
very simple. 1t is because there is no
fourth-class."
| STRANGE there are men occupying
high position in business and society in
this city, not knowing how to read. This
remark is suggested by seeing the num-
Der of intelligent.looking men utterly
unable TO decipher the mystic legend,
Please shut the doorp
A LITTLE girl who was somewhat out
of sorts, but whose exact alment no one
had been able to discover, amended her
evening prayer of "God bless papa and
mamma" by adding "and cure me
If there's anything the matter with
me.
| AMERICAN Goals are beginning to be
sold in Switzerland. They are brought
from Philadelphia to Marseilles by sail
ing vessels and thence to Geneva by
rail, distance of two hundred and
seventeen miles. They are sold at ten
Il N f,n m fr,H hot ~
or French coals-and are liked.
"WHAT kind of testimony do you call
that?' said the county attorney to one
of the witnesses before the Grand Jury,
who was inclined to be little evasive.
"Jackson's Best" was the prompt reply.
The lawyers who were in the habit Of
using tobacco saw the point and smiled
all over their faces.
SHE was trimming the lamps, and
Just as q wick dropped cut of reach her
mother heard her exclaim, 80, the
Dickensi" f"Therel there, my child
why will you indulge in such express
sions!" Then she fingered for the
lost wick and exclaimed: Why, ma!
isn't that natural suggestion Of Pick
wickW 81
BETTER THAN GOLD.
Better than gold is q thinking mind,
That In the realm OF books can find
treasure surprising Australian ore,
And live with the great and good OF yore;
The sages lore and the poets lay,
The glories Of empire pass away;
The worlds great dream Will thus unfold,
AID yield pleasure better than gold.
Better than gold is a peaceful home,
Where all the freside characters come
The shrine Of love. the heaven OF life,
Hallowed by mother, or sister, or wife;
However humble the home may be,
Or tried with sorrow by heavens decree,
The blessings that never were bought TOR sold,
And center there, are better than gold.
--Chthoiic Herald
AN old Mississippi captain, who &C
companied Jenny Lind from New Or
leans to New York, relates that when
they visited Niagara the golden
throated songstress dropped on her
knees at the brink of the cataract, and,
with streaming eyes thanked God that
He had vouchsafed to her 80 grand q
sight" OF course this happened before
the hackman came around to collect his
fare. Derrick. so e
Two men, driving an old horse in q
cart, and having barrel in behind the
seat, attempted to turn. 1t was dis
NAL failure. The cart went over, the
horse went down, and the barrel rolled
away, while the two men were 50
tangled up that they could not extricate
themselves. Nine men reached the
spot simultaneously, and eight of them
rushed to see if the barrel was injured,
| while the ninth halted midway between
the barrel and struggling victims, and
called out, (" Is that whisky in the. bar
relT' "No it's vinegar" answered one
of the pair "Iis Ell? Well, sup
pose we'll have to lift that cart vi"
sighed the ninth, as he walked around it.
THE following illustration of the con-
tortions of story is said to be founded
on fact: The servant of No. told the
servant of No. 2 that mis- master ex-
pected his old friends, the Bayleys, to
pay him a visit shortly, and No. told
No. that No. expected to have the
Bayleys in the house every day. No. 3
then told No. that it was all up with
No. /, for they couldn't keep the bailifs
out of the house; whereupon No. told
No. 5 that the officers were after No. 1,
and that it was as much as he could do
to prevent himself being taken in execu-
ton, and that it was nearly killing his
poor wife Thus the story grew til! It
reached No. 80, who assured No. 50 that
the police has arrested No. for the
murder, and that he will probably bs
executed.
THE height of Partisan elegance i 70