River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-02-13
Miscellaneous Items.

|. Are watered silks CRY goods2-Puck.
| When is man thinner than shingle2
| When he Is shaving.
There is more active fun in an ounce
of kitten than in ton of elephant.
In the bright lexicon of the modern
| farmer there is no such word as fail. All
the threshing is done by machinery.
"Soon's the ice gifts foot thicker then
| III have foot less further to fall" he
unused as he got up from the last one.
The dairy maid pensively MIXED the goat,
And pouting she paused to mutter;
81 wish YOU brute, you would turn to milk"
And the animal turned to butt her.
X correspondent explains Mhy he
hadn't written before by saying he could
not ''get money enough together tic buy
a postal card.
Charles Lamb. when little boy, walk
ing with his sister in a churchyard, and
reading the epitaphs said to her: MARY
where's all the naughty people buried5"
A New York dealer announces for the
holidays an interesting musical instru-
ment which will @scare the cats, drive
away the rats and set the old folks fran
tic.
We know that the brute sees the sun
set; but does it feel its pensivenessi--
JOSEPH Cook Il does not, If in tee habit
of having its hay about that time Detroit
FIRE. Press
Eight Young Cinnamon ate attending
school in Phillips Academy in Andover,
Mass. III the same school there are
twenty-five sons of ministers and four sons
of missionaries.
A little five-year old, hearing of the
Acts of the Apostles, sa d he thought the
Apostles must have been pretty hard up
TO have had only one ak among so many
of 'em.
A Nevada politician was elected on
the merits of a single speech. All he
said was, Fellow countrymen, follow me
| to Wonder refreshmenr saloon"
The best anti-fat remedy we know of
Is trying to carve up a chunk of hard
wood with a Ratchet that was original
! ly cut OUT for hammer.
There are three lights. First, the sun;
second, the moon, and third, ourselves;
aud the greatest of these, in our judg-
Inent, is ourselves.
"Lufe God abufe all, and vi nyclltbour
as yiself," is the inscription yet to be
seen upon the front Of the house in Ed
| inburgh in which John Knox lived and
died
Paner teeth are new invention in
Germany, and q number of specimens
were displayed at the late paper exhibit
ton in Berlin They are warranted fully
as durable as any other teeth.
The editor of the Hackensack Repub-
lican went to call on his girl, he saw on
the front steps sign which said, Beware
of the paint He went away signing, 81
never before knew that she painted
A brick fell from scaffold on the
head of passing negro. Fling dem ere
peanut shells anoder way up dere, won't
yer?'' was the darkey's advice, as he
scratched his wool.
The patient boy. He went to neigh
boris house for a cup of sour milk. 81
haven't anything but sweet milk
said the woman pettishly. all wait till
it sours," said the obliging youth, sinking
into chair.
/ A maid-of all work was busily engaged
busting bronze cleck- the bronze was
antique green. The maid looked at i,
and then said: "Oh, madam, what a
| beautiful clock you havei Amt 1t a
pity it is covered with verdigrisl'
OF truth, home without girl Is
| oniy half blessed it is an orchard with
ont blossoms, and spring without song.
/ A house full of sons is like Lebanon with
its cedars; but daughters by the ireside
are like roses ia Sharon.
Julius, what are you looking at that tor?
You can't read $50 away" cried the
other, Indignantly; guess | can read; Is
big enough for dat" Big enough ]" re
/ torted the other scornfuliy, Edat amt
muffin A cows big enuf to catch mice,
but she can't.
A little shaver, gong on Al errand,
met an acquaintance. to whom he pro
pounded the following conundrum .
i.Why am l like a penny!' The other
| fellow gave it up. II ara like a penny,
said the little man, "because | am one
sent And he went his way.
The little folks wanted the head of the
family to spend the evening with them.
| Father said he thought of attending a
meeting. Various measures were dis
cussed for keeping father at home, when
| Tommy, aged five. addressed bis brother,
aged seven, as follows: I'LL tell you what
wen do. Well put sign on the front
door--'.eo admittance to go out OF this
house nights. '"-UTtica Observer.
eNow you Hamerican gents. said the.
naster Of ceremonies at Halifax to a
party Of American visitors, 'afore you
are introduced to is hcxceIlency an er
/ Tghness there's a few rules to be hobserv-
ed Don't expectorate hon the carpet
has you're in the abit of doing at 'ome,
you know, aud don't keep -FOUR ats on,
as you Railways do IN Hamerica. And no
revolvers nor bowie-knives is hallowed
to be drawed in the presence of lis hex
cellency an 'er royal 'ighness, which is
what you're ADDING of in congress
continually. An you'll walk in forwards
an Won won't think of shaking ands with
| 'er royal ighness nor even with Is hex
cellency; nor hof course you won't hat.-
ress in as ''old hoes" nor sold sardine,
as hif you was tsIkin' to you're presi-