Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-04-03
The Bright Side of Things.

The Bright Side of Things.
Did you ever hear carpenter plane
the plano.-New York Graphic.
Can it be said that man who is very
much intoxicated is detected, because
he is more'n full?
What does a catamount to anyway
Boston Transcript The back fence on
moonlight nights.-Syracuse Standard.
When American meets American
then comes the discussion on politics.
Boston Courier.
Nothing so lubricates the muscles as
sweet toil.-Bostoa Transcript.
"You're nasty. stuCk-up thing" as
the pen said to the paste-pot.-M City
Derrick.
Observes Puck: "When man buys
a house and moves into it, he leaves the
payrental roof"
Let bill be offered prohibiting more
than fifteen Italians with hand-organs
| coming over at one Wheeling
Leader.
A gang of desperadoes near Yuma
have hit upon the righteous way of
stealing. They travel in coach and
rob all the highwaymen whom they
meet.
A book agent was knocked down by
a street car the other day, and two
wheels passed over his cheek. The car
is laid up pending repairs-Saa francisco
Wasp.
"a mandamus," says the Albany
Argus. ''has been served upon secretary
of state, Beach," Pshaw, day scarce
ly passes that we don't have more than
one mandamus for something we have
published.-I Whitehall Times.
When a singer comes in and leaves
us q poem wherein weather is made to
rhyme with until her, and love with
stove, we cannot help feeling as though
born, but Bridgeport Standard.
When a man commits a crime it is
usual to say that he belongs to one of
the best families. If the same man
runs for Office, it will be found on the
opposite stump that he belongs to one
of the worst families.-NeaO Orleans Pic
Gyalne.
It is positively stated that the world
will come to an end in 1880. There's
no telling what will happen nowadays;
the world may strike up a race with
Jupiter of 300 quarter miles.-Roches-
ter Express.
81 want one of those long, felt hats,
papa" said Toledo girl to her father.
The indu1gent father forked over the
money, and her head now fills the long
felt want.-TIoLedo Commercial
The Rev. Observation-Disclosures
Dzae is one of the pastors living in
Shanghai, China. The name would
make good title for a train of Pull
man-Angell palace cars.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
A Dublin professional man addressed
an artisan, who was waiting in his hall,
rather brusquely: "Halloa, you fellow,
do you want me?" The answer was
neat: "No, yer homer, I am waiting
for a gentleman"
! A Sixth street grocer found an egg in
a lot just received from the country with
landscape photographed on the shell;
but he doesn't know where the scene
was laid Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Gov. Van Zandt, it is said, will be
Gen. Burnside's successor in the United
States senate from "Little Rhody" We
did not expect ever to do it again; but
it seems proper to recognize the sym
pathy that exists between Gen. Burnside
and his sisters and his cousins and his
Zandts.- PHILADELPHIA Bulletin.
clamp Chimbyles," remarked Broth
er Gardner, as be looked up at the clock,
''am not lie, light, or lamp, but neus-
ance dat am allus calm out de ten-cent
pieces dat hev bin dropped inter de ole
teapot for safekeepin'. At de mex
meetin' may have some Jacks an fig
gers on de subieck WORT lookin' at. We
will now deviate de purceedin's an
close de convenshun." -Detr0it Free
! Press.
The disposition of four-fifths Of the
world is given in this incident in the life
of Naugatuck blacksmith. He was
standing at bis forge one summer day,
when he saw party of teamsters driv
ing swiftly down the road toward the
shop. Lord masseyW he grumbled;
nothing to do and then everybody
comes on at once" The coming teams
dashed by the shop without stopping.
lord massey!" he grumbled; moth
ing to do, and everybody drives right
by"-DanbTy NeaCs..