The Portland daily press., 1879-01-21
Journalistic Jeremiad.

The Prov deuce journal has set up in the
wholesale Cassandra business 1t foretells
the evil days to come, with liveliness and
fervor that seem to confirm the cynical saying
that the misfortune of others is never wholly
disagreeable. But as the subscription list of
our contemporary would hardly survive the
extinction OF the human race it is more
probable that the Providence Journal con-
siders itself the Providential organ and gives
out indications for the next twenty tour ages
with the confidence of an accredited official.
SIT seems unnecessary" says the Journal, ito
have incurred the expense of committee to
investigate the causes Of the pestilence that
ragged last summer through the southern
states, when astronomers tell US that the yell
low fever was only premontion of the dire
caam ties to be expected from physical dis
turbances shortly to be initiated"
If the Providence Journal had spoken in
season the country might also have been
saved the cost of the Potter committee. A
few astronomers and a telescope could have
done the work just as well, and brought in a
report of Intimidation owing to the spots on
the Sun. and bribery of the rings of Saturn.
Then the Journal proceeds to say that when
ever one of the four great planets of the solar
system approaches the Sun, it disturbs that
body very considerably and asks, if one plan
ct be so powerful what will be the result
when the four pull together, as they will on
or about 1880. The Journal can ask ques-
tions that the PRESS cannot answer. When
the Democrats andGreenbackers pull together
the Republicans win-so perhaps the uni
verse, including the Providence Journal, will
successfully hold its own. Next, our cheerful
contemporary gives description of the last
hand-to-hand encounter of the Sun and Jupi-
ter, which reads like report of prize fight.
How Jupiter came off from the "mill of the
gods" is not told; but the Sun must have
been severely punished, for, says the Provi-
dence Journal, ''rosy protuberauces flashed
from the Suns photosphere, and huge spots
dotted his disk"-thus indicating that Jove,
like Mr.. Bret Harte's "Baby Sylvester"
slung an ugly left, and took Phobus between
the eyes. In the dire ''year 1880, or there
abouts," as the Journal darkly puts it, four
first-class planets will attack the Sun all at
once; "and what" asks this Jeremiah of
journ alism, "wil the earth do?" Pretty
much as usual, we dare to prophecy. 1t will
continue to charge its misfortunes of pesti-
lence, politics and finance to the malign in
reference of the stars, instead of to human
neglect, want of knowledge and delusion; it
will read the newspapers and be duly thrilled
by the announcement of evil days, but will
pay its printers bill no whit the sooner for
the approach of doomsday. "We can only
trust'' concludes the Journal, "that science
and observation will do their best to avert
the caamities threatened by the malignant
influence of the Sun and the four remotest
members of the SYSTEM" In this wish the
PRESS cordially joius; and believes it the
more sincere because if the world should,
according to Mother Shipton assisted by the
Providence Journal, come to an end, the
latter would have scanty audience to hear
its ultimate 81 told you So" But the gentle
Journal bids US hope and do our prettest
"seedtime and harvest have not yet failed"
it says, "and the time for the earth's destruc-
tion will not occur in the present generation" )"
Happy thought, that though all we die OF
spots on the sun, the grain-quotatons will go
on forever.