The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-10-02
''Thc Syndicate -
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to learn that the unscrupulous Repub-
licans have, at times, resorted to
slang" Therefore that body held
an Indignation meeting.
Frizzly John, being the deepest
statesman III the party, was made
and Bourbon Dave, who,
like Joe Bowers, "came all the way
from Pike" was made secretary.
Jack Falstaff was the first speaker.
Arising, and jamming his cane upon
the ground, Jack snorted:
My friends, the Republicans are
running this campaign on slang
there's no truth in -
"Dere's truth enough in for mel
shouted Bandy.
Then said Jack, their newspa-
pers are filed with slang-I can't see
how christians can allow Republican
papers to come ="
Il won'tm yelled Howard.
Il don't see" said Jack, why they
can't have moral, high-toned papers
like we have ="
Yes" said Long Ed, mice, high
toned papers-filled up with pure
family reading, sich as descriptions of
the little girls stockings-the big
girls bustles-the old ladies petit
co -
But Jack suddenly gave violent
snort, and sat down.
Now" said Long Ed, IF any man
is injured by slang [ know Of a col
ored gentleman in Chillicothe who
will give him certificate Of good
moral character, for two dollars -"
But Jack had fed
Then Watermelon Jim arose. There
was blood in his eye He was terrible
to look upon-more terrible to smell.
He discoursed thus:
II have been much panied at the
manner in which this campaign is be-
ing conducted. Something ought to
be done to check these Republicans.
All ages have produced heroes and
martyrs, and, my friends, have about
made up my mind to kill half a dozen
Republican leaders-and with them
the editors Of the Standard -"
"Goodm Good" shouted most of
those present, and Bourbon Dave kiss
ed Adam the Stubborn, and Frizzly
John in his excitement mistook Lew
is the Sleepy for barrel, and sat
down upon him.
And then," said jim, Il propose
to KILL MYSELF"
"Good!' "Goodw shouted all in
chorus, while the Learned S. declared
that the last two words spoken by
Jim were the most sensible he ever
heard him utter.
Rip said he was like Jackie wish
ed the Republicans would quit their
slang insinuations and get right down
to facts"
by blank, I'll be blanked if | do, .
said Bluster.
Nor mer' said Bandy.
Nor me!'' said the Learned S.
THE slang is as far as [ want them
to go" said Micawber. 1T won't do
to crowd them. They might prove
things far worse than they have yet
limited at"
II tell ye," said Cardinal John, ''the
d Republicans never forgit any
thing. The trouble with Jack Fal-
staff is, he hasn't been here long enufi
to know our Democrats-but he's
larnin every day"
Men" said Rip, Its no use talk
in, Jim's plans the best-give 'em q
lesson on Mississippi manners"
well, said the Learned S., If any
Of you want to try that plan on men
who can handle rifle like [ know
some Of these Republicans can, you
may try tim out; the Mississippi
plan won't work in Ohio"
Then Bluster arose, and said: My
friends, these blank Republicans must
be headed off, some way. They'r
pryin' into my affairs, and tellin' the
Nationals I'm goin' to vote for Ew-
ing"
What" yelled Adam, "ain't yor
goin' to vote for Ewin'?"
"Of course [ am!'' said Bluster, ''bu
the blank fool Nationals will never
know the difference: [ can make
them believe anything. I'll tell "
my friends, we'll have to go it heavy
on Paine's record at Columbus"
Yes said Bandy, ''go for derc
records-dey're all got pad records
"And Paine opposed the pensionin
of jeff. Davis!r' said the Brick.
My friends" said the Cardinal
I've heerd somethin' about Paine!
record at Columbus, an | find tha
when he come away from there, hC
didn't leave any board bills unpaid.
Here Bluster and Micawber left.
The Howard, arose, stroked hi
beard, took out his notebook, an(
said:
Il believe our best hold is to tell th'
people about Foster welding the
yard-stick while Ewing welded th'
sabre"
"What was you wieldin' about tina
time?n asked Lewis the Sleepy.