The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-10-18
VARIETY.

Some Of Brigham YGung's widow has married
again. The rest Of her is too old.
An African proyerb says The idle are pecu-
liar kind Of dead, who cannot be buried
OF all sad words heard here below.
The saddest are these told you So"
-Frce PreGs.
Paper is worth six cents a pound IN Peru until
IL Is made into money. Then it depreciates
about fifty per cent.-BOston Post.
Quite a number Of prodigal sons would like to
return to their fathers home, but. behold the
old man is bankrupt and owns no lated CALI
When you can say OF man that his religion
has got hold Of his pOcket-book you may be rea-
sonaby sure that his religion is Of the right kind
A Young man who lost the bet of the oysters
with three Of his friends, said he wouldn't pay 1t
unless he was four stew CiReinnath Saturday
Night.
When filing a cavity, dentists sometimes place
a dam in the patients mouth When tooth is
being extracted the dentist is relieved of that du
ty. The patient supplies all that is required
IL takes a Turk about six months to collect a
debt OF fifteen cents against another Turk. but as
an OFFSET it takes the second Turk whole year 10
persusde the 6rst Turk to trust him.
"In never argy agn a success. When | see
ratGIesnAik's head sticking out OF hole. L bear
Of TO the left and say myself, that hole belongs
20 that snaik. Josh Billings.
It was in the sixteenth century that woodward
men first discovered how to pile the sticks cross
WAYS in the box, and arrup customer out oi
one-eighth on every cord. Don't look upon 1t az
new thing
The WAYS Of Providence are indeed mysterious.
A Chicago milkman has been killed by lightning
while watering milk. PrOprIetOrs oil daIrIes
please paste this IN their scrapboOks and read the
same to their cows on dress parade.-NeU YORK
Commercial AdUertissT-
Never put OF until tomorrow what you can
do to-day - is the old adage, but now cOInes the
modern philosopher and Gays never do to-day
what you can put od until tomorrow, Tor ten to
one IL you wait until tomorrow, you will not
have to do it at all
Said old Mr.. Wiseowl, - There is a passage OF
Seriptur', brudderin, thets Impressed me much,
very much; I've thought ont and thought ont,
an I'm aIIux thinkin' ont L dIsremember
iest whar It's, and fur thet matter jest what It
h: but you carn't tell how much Nv sollis It Is
10 me on my journey through this vale o. tears.
Canada announces an electrical girl who, by
mere contact. can impart powerful shock We
40 not desire to discourage Canada, but her new
production is nothing wOndertui-there are plenty
oT 0irIs in the United States who can shock any
body at sighE.-Nel1 York Herald.
Two girls who lately ran away from Long ISL
and are thus graphically described by their father
a. Laura, age 1S, dressed IN straw hat;
Florence j . age I6, blue suit" We tremble in
view Of the possibility OF the fair Laura's hat
blowing of!
The best material tor u church Is canvas. We
saw a number Of men at the circus last Saturday
keep wide awake during the two hours perform
anee, who can't possibly keep their eyes open IN
church Eve minutes alter the sermon begins
WhitehaH InlSS.
The donkey pretty bird.
so gentle and 90 wise
II has silky little tail
with which 20 frisk the nies-
Upon its head two 10 bears.
50 silky. long and soft,
That when his tail can't reach the dies.
The ears whisk them OF
-Nsnc York ErpTSsf.
We frequently hear Of narrow escapes from
drowning the victims IN nearly every instance
being rescued - Just they were going down for
the third time" Why is il that sOme are
NOT saved when about To 60 down the second
time ? Let US hear OF some one saved before going
down at all like the Dutchman who was the sole
aurviyor OF q party OF nine. the reason ut his
miraculous escape being that he - didn't 90 oudt
an der pOat-'
nrettily dressed little girl fell on a muddy
street crossing. the other day, and gentleman
FASTENED to her assistance Alter cleaning on
her clothes he asked her IT he shOudnt escort her
home No thiF, answered the dignihed little
damseI, - If you please, we amt been intro
duced-
The White Mountain hotels full Of Massa
When one OF them looks at guest through her
classes and asks him il he will have another plate
Of hash, in SIX languages. he Is nearly paTalyzed
and doesn't recover his appetite Tor nearly two
davs. Bot her culture and education dom dis
Surb the equanimity Of a country editor. lie re-
,Iiss in Sanscrit, and she looks Inquiringy
around and fingers her bangs in medItative
manner The editor enjoys her confusion and ex-
plains his answer in Greek.-N0TTisfol0H HeTdId'
A German gentleman who keeps seven by
nine lager beer shop at the South end treated
himself 70 a days vacation recently, leaving hi:
son in charge Of 50 ter puuiness and keg o
her. On his return he found the keg empty and
odd,ss.el his offspring as follows - How Is dis
Yaweob. dot you make only und dollar and dirty
cents for dose keg Of beer? Show me how yor
draws der beer?T Yawcob took the glass and
dr.w IL nearly full Of beer. with but the leas
margin OF froSh, when the old gentleman, seIzInI
bis hand, said - You make dose glasses stane
bi1ber down from der keg, Yaweob; der prom
IN der peer pizziness is in der Pubbles- I'm
1egO Tribune