The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1879-07-29
THE SPIRIT OF DEMOCRACY.
Tuesday. July 80, 1879.
Conciliating a Mule.

The boys were sitting around on the
,arrels and hoxes in the rear of Deacon
Ezekiel Hengrove's store, telling mule
tories, characterized hy all the untram-
neled range Of hyrerbole and vigorous
md varied expletives, which usually i'm
,art so vivid an interest tc this class Of
'necdotes. The credibility of the reci-
ais was noticeably in inverse ratio to
be number and variety of sacred, pro
ane, or wholly imaginary personages
Ind objects appealed to in evidence Of
he exact and unimpeachable truth of the
narrative.
Old Pete Yorker had just finished
whopper about mule he once had, that
got lair chance at his colored driver,
md with one kick sent him flying fifty
'eet through the air, never touching the
ground once till his head struck the side
of the house, about three yards from the
ground, and went through clapboards
and plastering, making hole just like q
,annon-ball. Pete was voted the cham.
pion Of the evening, when sedate, mid.
ile.aged man, who had hitherto sat 81
lent 10 corner, assiduously splitting at
= knot-hoie in the floor, said he rather
guessed he could beat that
"Go ahead" said everybody.
"'Twas long in the fall of '67," said
The stranger, deliberately removing his
''chaw" from his cheek, and laying it on
the corner Of the stove, "that me an
Bill Reynolds had job of buildiu'
bridge at Judsonville, Iowa. We had to
haul our stuff fur about dozen mile;
the roads was jest awful, / tell yer, an
what him an me didn't git to know
about mules after we was through want
worth KNOWN. We had one of the
gol-darnedest, all-fredest, most dead.set
and contrairiest critters of the mule per.
suasion ! ever experienced. Ihave seen
muIes,-and then agin ] have seen mules,
--but this feller had the longest ears,
and the heaviest kick, and the ueliest
temper of any son of jack as ever
stepped. he was cheap, that's why I
got him, but it 'u'd have paid me a
mighty sight better to have took him
out and perforated his pericardium, as
them coroners would say, nor to try an
work him. The boys called him Andy
Johnson, which was President then, ef
ye remember, and every body-leastways
every Republican-said the name fitted
the critter fust rate. He pretty soon bad
the whole under section NV his derned
hide looking like burnt prairie, fur we
used up more hay nor he ever ate, bull
din fires underneath him, to encourage
him. Thar was just one way to start
him to a right lively gait, and that was
to make believe you wanted bin to stop,
by yelling, whoa, AndyP Then he'd
pull bis dernedest until you'd say,
.G'lang, thar! That stopped him sure.
Bimeby, though, he tumbled to the rack
ct, and saw how we had fooled him.
fur mules has more sense in some things
nor some folks will allow,--and then
you couldn't regulate his movements
nohow. He'd jest meander along as i,
suited him. 1t was awful hard to keep
q teamster. One was killed, another had
three ribs broke, and the next man drove
him two days, and then resigned, with
out stoppin' to ak fur his pay. Sol bad
to take hold myself.-me and my part
ner,--aud do the best we could One day
about a week after. when we'd come te
one Of our regular stand stills in th,
road (they generally lasted about two o.
three hours an we was laborin' will
him,-my partner twistin' his left ear
an me lsyin' onto him, from safe dis
tsnce, with q ssplin' about inch thick
an old, solemn-lookin galoot-seemet
like play ed-out preacher or suthin'--
come long, an seq he, my frien', dom
you know it's very wrong an wicked t,
treat useful animal, the frien' an com
panion nv man, in that barbarous man
nerP Shot, SEE /, syour mind is wa
verin', guess. You're crazy; the ide
Of derned mule,-the things too re
diclus.' Then took fresh holt on th
saplin', and Bill be gin the ear anothe
twist, an we was seitlin' right down te
business agin, when the stranger com
up an laid his hand onto my arm. an
sez, Hold! beg Nv you, 1 plead wit
you, not to harm this poor dumb critiel
You have q dooty to the brute creation
Air they not our fellow-bein's wander
ers, like us,through this transitory vale
An q lot more of such-like preache
talk. Finally, seein' it didn't affect q
any, he SEE, But if you don't yield t
the dictates OF humanity, / have th
strong arm OF the law back of me. II
agent for the providin' nv Cruel to an
imsls' for some such name) This
the kind nv Cruel that a mule habituall
requires sez /, hittin' the cussed brut
o wback tnat echoed back from the bill
about half mile of That's the CRU,
we provide for 'em. Talk about fellow
wanderers through the vale. Ef you
been about ten hours wandering throug
svale of mud, OWN to this cussed frat
iious brute, you'd realize the needless
ties Of a mule, you bet.' But, seq b,
why not gently lead him by kindness
WOO him to complete his task by syn
pathy, instead of cruel blows?' An
then be gin me pamphlit with pictr
of she-sngel with sword p'intin'
feller that was whalin' blazes outen
horse that couldn't draw about four to
up the side of hill. That's all fair 81
right enuff,' stz ]. Hoses had orter /
decently tret, but mule.-a. derne
3 mule,-whoever heard of any one havi
q good word for 'emr An me an Bi
laughed fit ter split, ct The notion I
that feller worryin' himself ter dea,
over the miserable beast. He mout ,
well have made fuss over the killin' |
tater-bugs. We'll, seq be, at last,
3 you will permit me, will show you ho
the law NV kindness operates when th
Nv cruelty is powerless to accomplish
objec'.' sOh, sartainly. sartainly, 'squir
you 90 right ahead Ef you can git
into Jacksonville by sundown, we'll
mortallv obligated, an III set 'em VI
Then Bill an me winked at each othe
fur we knowed thar'd be some fun, a
that the derned old idiot d know better
to interfere next time,-ef he liv'
through it. He went right up to !h
mule, and commenced rubin down b
nose an straightenin' out bis ear, sayil
Poor old mule! good mule !" in kind
eooihin' vap He stood II pa,ient enu