Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-08-20
GILMORE'S GUDGEONS.
NEW DEVICES FOR RAKING IN TIE
25 CENT SALVATION.

tt b.. ...---- s.
Elder johnson Deserts the Box Office and
Yawps for the Concsrt-A Cumming Scheme
to Secure q Religious Club HOUSEKEEPING
Ladies' Excluded Because They Had Not
Twenty-Five Cents Catching Gudgeons
by Calling It Minneapolis Day-A Detect-
i've Robbed--Other offerings.
'This is a banknote world and ours arc tho
days of fact, not fable sings the poet, but az
Burke said, the '.age of bargaining has truly
come when Deacon Gilmore and his ghostly
gang could introducein this State the per-
nicious and heathenish practice Of selling sal
walton Mt stated'price per head. 1t is true,
tho enterprise, far from being an assured sue
cess, is rather decided failure, still the enter
ing wedge has been driven, and the evil results
consequent thereon may be as great as if pros
perity had crowned it from the start.
ELDER CHARLEY JOHNSON.
Yesterdays attendance was but slight inn
provement on that of the day before. In all
the morning arrivals amounted to less than
100-about one in ten of the numbers Deacon
Gilmore fondly imagined would visit his cara
vansary during the month of August. On
reaching the wharf the GLOBE was somewhat
astonished to find that Elder johnson had
vacated his post, and had substituted another
as the dispenser of salvation tickets at tweuty-
the elder had sailed down enough to make his
mind easy on that little printing bill and had
consequently become indifferent as to the sale
of any more salvation passes to the sanity tab
ernacle? Unable to solve the problem the
GLOBE deposited its customary tribute, and,
AD% hi ok, Al. n
notes of the elder echoing and re-echoing along
the corridors. The mystery stood revealed.
The elder was simply practicing for the even
ing concert aud had deserted his ticket selling
post for this purpose, and this only. If there
is one thing the elder prides himself on, it is
his singing, and hence he was putting himself
in condition IT, do his very best. Besides, as
heretofore intimated, the elder may. upon the
deposition Of the Gilmore regime and the sue
cession of the proposed Keith dynasty, be
called upon to don the robes of musical direc-
tor" of the salvation peddling association, and
is therefore sensible in putting his house in
order preparatory to the assumption of such
highly important functions.
ANOTHER SPECULATIVE SCHEME.
The IL o'clock exercises found slim and
scattering audience in the Onagon. The sane
timonious deacon was on deck-his soul
athirst for song out of that cheap song book
cheap for cash at s25 cents only.
He accordingly arose and called
for hymn found on the first page of our
book" and when his soul had been gratifed,
proceeded in his usual hating style to make a
few remarks. In regretful tones, he declared
excursion on the lake. This he said in an
apologetic tone after looking at his audience,
which numbered some fifty persons. Prayer fol-
lowed and still another song out of that same
song book and second speech by the deacon
His fertile brain had hit upon new expedient
to Heat his sinking hulk and he proceeded to
unfold his plan, which in brief was for each of
Congregational Methodist and Baptist, to erect
each club house where they could meet for
social and business purposes. The buildings
should be supplied with kitchens, dining
rooms, dressing rooms for ladies and gentle,
men, sleeping rooms for those in charge IL the
building and for servants (the deacon is moth.
ing II not specifc) and could be built for 81 900
apiece. These might be styled club houses or
soup houses. The association would donate
the necessary lots, said the deacon, but with an
eye to No: Crust the deacon for that every
tlme) he insisted as condition precedent, the
building must first be erected. He then called
ameeting of the different scots for the after.
noon and even set apart the precise spots where
each were to meet for the formation of these
sectarian clubs.
At the appointed time in the afternoon the
various scots met according to the deacon's pre-
arrangement, and after considering the matter
and coinciding fully with the deacon that ode
homlnational soup houses were an important
and necessary adjunct in the scheme Of soul
saving salvation at twenty-five cents head"
agreed to accept the offer and erect the build
!ngs. 1t was noticeable fact that the deacon
himself, who, like Cordelia, saw before him "a
divided duty'-being half Congregationalist
and half Presbyterian-fually concluded to
cleave to. the latter, and accordingly cast his
fortunes with his latest religious love. It is
nut falr, then, under the circumstances, to
presume that the deacon unless he meets the
tate OF his prototype, Lucifer, and is kicked
out, will, at the next meeting of the Sunday
School assembly, eat Presbyterian soup in a
Presbyterian soup house.
THE LECTURE OF THE DAY.
But to return. After the deacon had ar
ranged his programme and ceased firing off his
"promiscuous and miscellaneous mouth" Rev.
j. M. Sturtevant delivered his lecture: Ponu-
lar mistakes about Religion" after which came
dinner, during which it is safe to say the saints
forgot oil about religion, its truths or it's mis-
takes, and everything else but the immediate
business in hand.
EXCLUDED FOR LACK OF TWENTY-FIVE CENTS.
The beauties of the Gilmore-Keith new pat
ent scheme of salvation peddllng at rs cents a
head was beautifully and wildly illustrated
yesterday. Just as Rev. Mr.. sturtevant had
commenced his lecture party of some half
dozen ladies' from the country back of Excel
slor, appeared at the entrance, or to speak
more definitely, the place where the rope which
marks the dividing line between the Goodness
and ungodliness is tied back, leaving an open
space OF few feet for admission. The attend.
ant demanded their tickets. The ladies ex-
planned that they knew nothing of tickets he.
ing necessary and that being unaware of this
they had not even brought money to pay their
way IN. his being the case, and money being
necessary perquisite to the endowment of the
gospel dispensed by the mercenary firm of Gill
more, Keith and his cooperative saints the
ladies' were forced to leave and did 40 with
SIMPLY q mute protest against the CRYING
abomination which aims to put money in it's
purse under the 1imsy veil Of such gauzv re-
igion.
THE AFTERNOON.
The afternoon exercises were decidedly unin-
teresting and the attendance was notably less
than in the morning. After the several denom-
national meetings for the conside, alton of the
soup house question had been held and dis
missed, each group was photographed sepa-
rately for mementO of the auspicious occa-
sion. In the foreground of his own especial
group-Presbyterian Of course, good.
Deacon Gilmore, looking if possible,
more lugubrious and solemn Wis
aged than ever. BY the way,
these Minnetonka Christians are wonderfully,
not to say extraordinarily fond of pictures, or
rather. having their pictures taken-a weak
ness which was accounted for yesterday by an
unregenerate looker-on in this sanity Vienna,
as explainable on the theory that the belief ex-
lists among them that these pictures will here.
after be used by St. Peter in determining the
right OF admission through the pearly gates
which the good saint is supposed to guard.
QUILTING MINNEAPOLIS GUDaEoNs.
The schemipg and fertile minds of the man
agement in beating about for new methods of
raising the wind" could hit upon no other