The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-12-31
Wit and Humor.
A clergyman out in Chicager,
Cribbed sermon he hadn't orter,
nd xuI,nvH h H,nl 5sE,es

The donkey is pretty bird,
So gentle and SO wise;
1t has \ silky little tail
With which to frisk the flies
Upon it's head two ears it bears,
80 eilky, long, and soft,
That when it's tail can't reach the flies,
The ears can whisk them off,
Hard to beat-boiled eggs.
The latest thing in boots stockings.
The Alumni-graduates of the alum
works.
Let who is without shins throw the
first stone.
:. Curiosity about trlAes is mark of
little mind.
If you let man loan he will let you
alone-for long time.
Where there's smoke there's some
fire, but very often mighty poor tobacco.
What is that which was never seen.
felt, or heard, and yet has name?-
Nothing.
Instead of calling your silver-haired
friend an old dog, why not hail HIM as
a gray-hound2
DR.. Franklin says: ..If man empires
his purse into his head, no one can take
it from him.
When you have occasion to utter re-
Duke, let your words be soft and your ar
guments be hard.
A critic SAID of stupid writer: "Hc
takes the plnlons of one goose 10 spread
the opinions of another"
Young ladies think they Miss it by
not. and many married lady thinks she
Mrs. it in being married.
A shrewd Yankee has invented pat
ent ice cream freezer, which he calls the
"Charles Francis Adams"
Customer to the proprietor of hat
store: "What is the price of this style,
pleaseg" Halter: ''This tile, sir, il
worth four dollars
The Syracuse Courier hes a two-coi-
unn account of rising young man.
What did he sit down on?-Watorloo
Observer: Perhaps 1t was the wind.
Dublin is not the only city of whose
society Levers couplet holds true:
"Fightlng like devils for Cancellation,
And hating each other for the love of God"
A precocious youth, prompted by an
unpleasant recollection of the last term,
says that school teachers are like dogs,
they click your hand"
Junior to Professor (after recitation y
Il think was right at that part where
you corrected me-" Professor (find1ng
that it Is sO: "Well, it does not matter,
since I marked you above average"
Quaint old Fuller says: Let him who
expects one class of society to prosper in
the highest degree, while the other is in
distress, try whether one side of his face
can smile while the other is pinched.
"Mother, why does pa call you hon
cyl" because, my dear. he loves me-"
No, ma, that isn't it" "What is it, then9n
"Why, it is because you have so much
comb In your head, that's why"
"Ah, Louise, my heart Is very despond-
ent. Ever since I have gazed into the
depths of those lovely eyes l." "Hush.
John, put an air break on that train of
thought. Pa has introduced me to his
new partner and l am his for $2,0OO,OG
That settles It,
A GENTLEMAN named Dunlop re-
marked he had never heard his name
punned upon, and did not believe it
could be done. There il nothing
more easy, sir remarked q punster.
just lop off one-haH Of the name, and
it is Dun"
Sir Walter Scott used to tell story
of woman in Fife, who, summing up
the misfortune of a black year in her
history, said, 'Let me see, sir; our wee
Gallant, and then Jenny, and then the
COO died TOO; poor hizzy; but, to be sure
her hide Drought me fifteen shillings."
You made fool of me-" said an irri-
tated man to his wife, land that's the
way you got me to marry YOU" Ny
love-" sweetly responded the wife, "you
do yourself an injustice; call yourself
fool it you please, but remember that you
are in all respects selt-made man.
A person looking over a catalogue OF
professional gentleman of the bar, with
his pencil wrote against the name Of one
who was of the busting order: HAS
been accused Of possessing talents" An
other seeing it Immediately wrete under:
HAS been tried and acquitted.
George is five years old. His mother
had undressed him for bath before put
ing him to bed. As he stood before her
he said: "Now, mamma, I'm a kid"
''Yes DEAR" said she. You know what
kind Of kid I am2" "No, darling"
swell, ma kid His mother thinks that
is good for kid of his age.
The Philosophy Of Blowing Out a Candle.
1--we blow fire it burns more iercely.
but if We blow a candle it goes out.
These two facts taken together are ia