The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-03-08
TIuUS AND THAR

The seasick lady refuses the stewards
invitation for dinner, and called the cham
bermaid instead. A case Of baisin grati-
tudc. o..
The remains Of gigantic prehistoric
man has been discovered in Nevada. lie is
supposed to have been champion pedes-
trian.
"A man will sit on picket fence all tho
afternoon to see a ball match but put him in
a church pew for three-quarters of an, hour
and he will wabble all over the spOt
"A Chinaman with blonde hair Is tho
latest San Francisco novelty. Turn him
lose in the lecture field is he not by educa-
tion, birth and nature ycilow-ouo-tonis
-Ha,rkcye.
Forty years ago you might have seen
cal,e-stand, but it is only of late years that
we have witnessed the cake-walk At this
rate we shall soon see a cake-hop,
"A matter of fact man was told by his
doctor to put check on his stomach, II he
wished to live long gand be happy. He went
Immediately to his tailor, who filled the
prescription by making plaid vest.
Its all very we'll to talk OF economy,
but the difficulty is to'get anything to ccon-
omize. The little baby who puts his toes in
his mouth is almost the only person who in
these times manages tn make both ends
meet.
| - Times Journal: A wicked and unfeelA
| ing subscriber writes TO us TO know If the
tune the old COW died on" was written in
beef fiat. Having never read or sung the
tender lines, we are unwilling to steak our
reputation on the subject.
1t is becoming fashionable among intel
/ ligent men to send card instead of going
to a party. Being out all night dancing and
eating an indigeStible supper while standing
up does not hurt the card.
An Omaha belle recently received
present of pair of "a button kid gloves
from one OF her admirers. She wrote HIM
a letter of thanks in which she frankly told
HIM he had made great mistake in tho
size but she had remeded it by cutting off
the feet and only wearing the legs. il
III is II nOllGtdDlt ldOb blhb liS lCNPAc !"
the prairie country of Iowa do more work
than any other people in the West. This
is because there is nothing about the top
rail of barbed wire fence that invites men
to sit on it and talk politics while the grass
hoppers get in the crops.
The Harrisburgh Telegraph rejects a
poem of II verses because the author makes
"folks" rhyme with Sixteen" The Tet-
qraph is too fastidious. We have seen
folks" of the pantaloon gender, rhyme
with Sixteen" --"sweet sixteeu"-in tho
smoothest kid of meether.
1t was base ball, now it is pedestrian
ism-and women have got it bad. A man
with wife who can make it in s minutes
and % seconds has a legacy sure. Among
the good qualities to be mentioned Of " the
coming woman" is that she can make her
mile in six minutes.
"A drygoods clerk was silenced for once,
Thursday, when he informed shrewd old
Irish woman that some calico OF very con-
spicious pattern would make lovely apron.
"Arrah," said Erina, can do ye think Pm
goin to make :meself a walking adver-
tisement for your tm
One of the editors Of the Reading Times
has translated "Baby mine. into Pennsyl-
vania Dutch. Now, ifhe would only trans
late the author, and the boys who whistle
the air, into some far away lands,this count
ry would feel grateful enough to start
monument over hinl--snd never finish it.
1t has just leaked out that the day DR..
Schlieman excavated the tomb Of Agemsm-
mon, just as he struck the noharch's sepul-
cher, ,he heard low chuckling laugh behind
him and voire said in good United States,
Here quick, put him in herel" The doc
tor turned and saw an Pa. medical student
holding big india-rubber bag.
-"Theres only two of 'em on the train
this morning." Chicago, Burlington 4
Quincy, brakeman shouted To the coductor.
lie was talking about passengers who got
on with emigrant tickets, but the two young
people in travelling suits blushed ami looks
ed superbly conscious. How were they to
know the man wasn't talking about bridal
partiesY And they sheepishly looked
around for the other one.
A Detroit husband Of a month did not
come home at night, aud, as this was his
first irregularity, his wife sat up until morn
ing waiting for him. Then, nervous and
weak-ior she ate no breakiast-she went
up to his office 10 look for him. There shs
was informed that lie had been on drunk
en- trip with a woman. She found him at
hotel, recovering from intoxication, and
prolesscdly rcpentant. She fOrgaye him,
and returned quietly to her home, but soon
became a raving maniac, and her disorder
is thought to be incurable.
On being deserted by her adoreri
young lady in the millinery line brOke forth
in this way: "Suoh wretch ought to bo
battered to death with thimbles and buried
in a band-box.
--Beecher says there is ten thousand times
more happiness than trouble in this world'
There may be, but it is not equally divided
Some people enjoy ninety-niue per cent. Of
the happiness and others ninety y-nine per
cent of the trouble.
The devil runs an immense manufsc-
tory of excuses. They are Of Of all sizes aud
shapes, suited to every possible oecasionj and
such is the demand for them that II is i'm
possible TO overstOck the market.
"A lady, engaged to be married. and get
ting sick of her bargain, applied 70 a friend
to help her unite the knot belOns il was too
late. ooh. certainly" she replied "it is
very easy to unite it now while il is only
beau-knot"
-"Have you ever been in prisonf" asksd
a lawyer of a witness whom he was dispos-
ed 70 badger and bully, as the profession
are apt to do
dyes, sir" -at
"Wheng"