The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-05-10
NUMBER a.
o. PASSING SMILES.

| -------s---
4 RATHER go to bed supperless than
rise in debt, now that the bankrupt law
has expired.
WHAT have you TO remark, madam,
about my singingW Nothing, sir. 1t
j. rot remarkable"
TnE fool never thinks higher than
the top of his house, and pennt tn the
festive joke at the expense Of the light
ming rod agent.
WIFE," said man looking for his
boot-jack, Il have places where keep
my things, and you ought to know it. :"
Yes" said she. 81 ought TO know where
you keep your late hours, but don't"
/ MAMMA-"Now. Arthur, be good
boy, and take your medicine, or mamma
will be very angry" Arthur (after
mature deliberation)- would rather
mamma was very angry P'-Psmeh.
The immortality of the ages, says one,
is with some men standing topic OF
complaint. But IL any one likes to be
moral, can see nothing in the age to
prevent him. 81
GLEN, what's yo' 'pinion OBJ de
iysterY" "Well, 'Relyus, calls de iyster
de mos KNOWN oh YARDS; IL we put i'm
in yer mouf, he takes de hint, an makes
de res OBJ de wage without any
boostin'."
MEN who complain of the miseries Of
this life are, for the most part, such as
are unwilling to practice self-denial or
submit to those rules of their animal
and moral economy upon which salu-
tary and uniform happiness is founded.
"IT is sad moment in life," said
Cynic, "when you find that love,
glory, happiness, are not wortha cigar"
at is a sadder moment still, said his
friend, when you find the cigar itself
is bad !"
As an .evidence of enterprise and
prosperity, we are glad to hear that a
company is about being formed in this
city, composed entirely Of practical
men, with view of digging out cellars
and shipping them to Europe.-Thita-
delphia Bulletin.
AS every living thing that knows Ian
guage is sensitive to praise, SO every
person endowed with the gift of speech
| Is expected to cultivate the art of pleas
ant talking; and he is the best speaker
who can make his hearers most content
| with themselves.
ONE afternoon, while a tight-rope
walker was going through his perform
ance, boy remarked, "Tom, don't you
wish you could do that" Yes, do"
sadly replied Tom; "but my folks make
me go to school, and are determined
that shant never be anybody"
A PRETTY girl out West told her
beau that she was mind. reader. "You
don't say sop he exclaimed. "Can
you read what's in my mind?" Yes"
said she; you have it in your mind to
ask me to be your wife, but you're Just
little scared at the idea" Their we'd
ding cards are out.
| PASSING AWAY. ls
| Once In a white we see a man
Who rides the wild, untamed velocipede; rec
| Once In while we meet m N who strides
Around the track TO test his walking Up ed, ~
| Once In q while we meet the man 't'
ns now ana men nes ne Who quotes
: Burhngfon Hdeksys.
A CORRESPONDENT at Portland, Ore
gon, furnishes this of The Heather
Chinee: ".John" had bought a, watch
at our jewelers., but, as 1t ran too slow,
he took it back, saying, +" watchee no
good" "What is the matter with itY'
asked the jeweler. "Oh," said John,
"watchee too much by'm-by."H a as
A CERTAIN lawyer was compelled to
apologize to the court. With stately
dignity he rose in his place and said:
=" Your honor is right and | am wrong,
as your honor generally is" There
was daz4d look in the judges eyes,
and he hardly knew whether to feel
happy, or fine the lawyer for contempt
of court Rochester Express.
No wonder the rattlesnake's bite is
deadly. Why, the poison is "a species
of filamentous protoplaslnic matter, con-
sistlng of cellular aggregation dis
posed in arborescent form resembling
copods." And yet in the face OF this,
prohibitionists say you mustn't take
whisky for preventivel- CdtskW Re
corder.
THE most economical of glove cleaners
is undoubtedly benzine, when applied
as it was by young lady out West.
After putting on one glove, saturatiDg
it with the fluid and rubbing it until
it had assumed it's pristine beauties, she
held the gloved hand over the fire to
dry it. Result-She has to buy but
half pair of gloves nova great saw
ing in time ana money.
AN old gentleman without tact, on
meeting some ladies whom he had known
as girls in his boyhood, cordially re-
marked: "Bless me- How time hiesl
Let me see. 1t is fifty-two years come
next April since we used to 60 to school
together in the old red school house. /
was little chap, then, you remember,
and you were fine young women" The
old gentleman could never understand
why his cordial greeting was received 50
coldly.
DIssYLLABLE TRAGEDY.
fiat Tim whined When that