The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-09-13
THIS AMI THAT.

"A New England carpenter is so temper
ate that he refuses to touch a spirit level.
Did you ever know a civil engineer to
be guilty Of rudeness?
"A lad in one Of ouf schools being asked
"What is Rhode Island celebrated forY'
replied alt is the only one of the New
England states which is the smallest"
-"How are you off for funds to-day ?"
asked a COLLECTOR of an impecunious though
classical debtor. al am Semper idcm-al-
ways the same; emphatically without
changel"
--Dentisty is not new. A f6ur-thousand
year-old mummy has been discovered with
filled t5oth diid the unpaid bill in his
rogkot!
"A gehtleman learned in the origin of
social customs was asked the meaning of
casting an old shoe after newly-married
couple as they start on their trip. He said
it indicates that the chances of matrimony
are very SLIPPERY.
When little WashingBn refiarked to
his pa 81 cannot tell lie,' the old gentle
man turned pale with astonishment and
grief "Why, you voting rascal" he ex-
claimed, "thats the biggest one yet"
"A gorgeous English swell, leading dog,
Inquired at a railroad station: ''Must-I, aw
take ticket for purppy ?" The be%il-
dered clerk regarded him for moment, and
then replied ;'"No, sir; you can go as an
ordinary rerson."
- 1t is said that only ten foreigners are
honored by tombs in Westminster Abbey.
They are awful particular as to who is buried
there. But let them keep treit Old tombs
If they'd offer TO let us be buried there to-
morrow we wouldn't accept.
-Eulalie's sweet poem, says an exchange,
entitled "The Cucumber's Victim" has been
received, and it is respectfully but firmly
declined on the grounds that we cannot en-
courage ititse which makes "really gorge
6us" rYite With i'cholsrd morbrs."
At saratoga-She introduced Mr.. Peter
to all of her circle, and when her daughter
Kate sweetly isped, "Mither Peters" he
softly said, "Why don't you call me Pete ?"
"Oh, rot on so short an acquaintance" she
blushingly replied. "But. my name is Peet
not Peters"
Beware of the man who COMES into
your olfcb srhile the morning is fresh, and
starts off by saying: 81 don't want to take
up your time. know what busy men you
editors are" The chances are that he will
stay until sunset, and will only leave then
because YOU draw pistol on him.
Rev. Mr. Fogsoh is tie father Of a boy
who Will probably distinguish himself The
evening before the last circus the reverend
gentlemen was talking to his son about the
beauties of heaven, when the child sudden
ly observed, "Papa, let us drop heaven ard
talk circus"
"A man whose death is just announced
was noticeable for being very secretive in all
his affairs. While sick he did not wish the
fact of his illness to be made known to the
public and soj when one of lis intimate
friends was asked how the old gentleman
was, he took the itquirer by the button hole
and whispered in his ear "He's dead, but
he doesn't want it known"
Seven young ladies received the degree
of A. B. at Northampton recently. An ex-
change asks How can girl be bachelor ?
A. b. don't near that in lady's diploma.
1t means "after bachelors" and signifies
that the young lady who receives the degree
is qualified for matrimony.
"A gentleman who had been dining out
Tie night before went into a barber's shop
one morning to be shaved. lie saw that
the barber had been taking rather more
than was good for him, for his hand shook
very much, and naturally indignant, he be-
gan to give him little fhoral advice by
saying, "Bad thing, drink?" "Yes,' said
the barber, dit makes the skin awful ten
der"
They were discussing the charms Of an
actress whom one gentleman Of the compa-
nv effected to regard as the handsomest wo-
man on the stage. Said another, "She's not
bad looking, but one Of her eyes is smaller
than the other" "Ah, ha p said the other,
triumphantly, "thats all you know about
it'll II you'd watched her closely, you'd
have seen that one Of her eyes is larger than
the other Smaller, indeed"
-"Did YOU make the train ?" "No" was
the reply, ait was made in the car shops"
"I near did you catch the trainY "Ot
course not, it's not infectious" "Well' you
darned fool, did you arrive at The depot in
timer" "No, YOU blamed idiot, l arrived
in an omnibus" "Great Scott" shrieked
the interiocutor, "did you board the cars ?"
dumping Jerusalem howled the ques-
tioned man, "you know don't keepa board
ing house" Chances of deep set hatred,
threats of vengeance, gritting of teethj duel
in prospect,
"A terrible affair is reported ina Wabash
caboose. A brakeman was observed, Just be-
fore the tram started, To hide away bottle
IN the pocket Of his coat, which hung up in
the car. For nearly forty miles the rest OF
the crew watched their opportunity, and
when he was out near the front Of the train
the bottle was hauled ont and all hands
proceeded tn sample the contents As each
one drank, however, an expression OF alarm
and disgust appeared on his face, and the
conductor sank down helpless on a seat. The
e,,,I b,,tla had h.,an flled with water