Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1879-07-12
FACTS AND FANCIES.

YOUNG man. in beginning acourtship,
be sure you don't write, and then go
ahead.
The CRATE art Of kontentment konsists
in being perfekly satisfied with what yer
hain't got.
lr is said that mosquitoes are bred
upon the waters. In that case they will
return again before many days.
KANSAS will Keep on with her hurri-
canes till she is driven out of tie United
States and annexed to the West Indies.
WHEN you are losing money, the most
economical thing you can do is to take
in partner. This is the way careful
business men do.
IT lust tickles fish to death to pop
his head out of the water and see a
crowd of mertals mopping their unhappy
brows on shore.
AIMING DRILL.-Musketry instruct.
or Now, thenl How do you 'xpect to
TO see the hobject aimed at, if you don't
keep your heye closed p
THERE are some bills that President
Hayes will not find himself able to veto
this season, namely: those presented to
him by the mosquito.
A MISSISSIPPI man puts it thus: cat
the earnest solicitation of those to whom
l owe money have consented to become
candidate for county treasurer"
The New Orleans Picayune notes a
general complaint this year in regard to
circus elephant "They are exceed
inely small and never kill keeper"
FATHER to sleepy boy" Come,
James, you ought TO be up with the
lark on such a beautiful morning"
Matter-of-fact boy--That's all right, but
how'm going to get up there?"
AN Irishman, upon his arrival in the
United States, noting the great number
of military titles, exclaimed, "What a
divil of battle has been fought near
here, where all the privates were kilt. )"
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Florence;
And can you read yet, Ruth s"--
Ruth: "I should think so, indeed
and know geography, and history, and
sums, and I've got two second teeth"
"MY dear, :" said wife to her hus-
band, " l really think it is time we had
a greenhouse. ."--Well, my love, paint it
in any color you please --red, white, or
green will suit me-" responded the hus-
band.
THE government of Great Britain and
Nicaragua have decided on submitting
their differences respecting the treaty
concluded in 1860 to arbitration, and
have accordingly addressed themselves
tc the emperor of Au tria to arbitrate in
the matter. His majesty has declared
his willingness to do SO.
"AH, YES, my son, said Mr.. Smilly,
as he was strolling under the moonlit
heavens the other evening, =" there are
great many wonderful things in the fir
mament for instance, there il the con-
stellation of the great bear, which is so
beautifully mixed up with the 'dipper'
that YOU have always to remember that
the tail of the dipper is the handle of
the bear in order to tell the other from
which. "
In one of the English colonies a COM
petitiye examination was lately held for
the purpose of appointing fit persons to
some of the government offices. One OF
the candidates inadvertent y spelled the
word Venice with two MS thus, Vennice.
The examiner, a clever man, but not al
ways a correct speaker, sternly inquired,
"Do YOU know, sir, that there is bat one
hen in Venice 2"--" Then eggs must be
scarce there" was the ready reply.
The candidate passed.
MRS, PIETA has just asked for Sec
ond helping of cream pie, when Sammy's
feelings found vent in, Ma, you told me
never to ask for second piece OF pie"
"Sammy," cried his mother, sternly.
I" / don't care, ma you told me 80; and
/ hsint going to get any tonight"
Sammy was Immediately banished from
the table his mother remsrking, "Ohil-
dren are so troublesome, Mrs. Pieta."
" Verv," remarked that smiable lady, as
she quietly devoured Ssmmy's piece of
pie.
SHOOT H1eH.-A ready made clothes
peddler complained to one of our gener..
ais at the west that the redskins had
killed his son "Shakop,' and worse than
all, had stolen twelve pair OF his pants.
The general told him rs soon as he
catched up with the demons he would
stop their deviltries for good and all.--
eyes, I know, Shenerel, / know" ca
perly whispered the clothing dealer,
ddoI's all right, but when you come up
nit dose Indians vot got dose new pants
on, for kracious sake, Scheneral, tole
de soldisrs to shoot high. "