The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-04-03
A "Reminiscences.

Grandfather Lickshingle was very in
dignant the other evening when he as
certained that the newspapers were Civ
ing prominence 10 the fact that Penn
sylyania Burgess knocked down an
Alderman of the same place, and then
fined himself for disorderly conduct.
That's nuthin'," said he, stabbing
the floor spitefully with his hickory
cane, "and the newspapers are losin'
caste, an dignity, an money every day
of their lives by noticin' such small po.
tatoes. Now, when | was Mayor of
New York"-
"Why, Grandfather, you were never
Mayor of New
"Yes, was-forty or fifty years afore
any of you uns was born; was elected
by the largest majority ever given TO a
candidate; run again Gen. Jackson on
he Democratic ticket. jackson was
a hard-money Republican. A man
named John Sherman legged for him,
but busted them all both wide open,
and marched into the office to the music
Of the Union" And Grandfather, re-
membering the degeneracy of the
times, remarked, "An' no cipher dis
patches, either, my dear children" 4"
and wiped away tear with the butt
end Of his cane.
81 never forget anything 1 recOl-
lect," continued my Grandfather,
"and, If am not mistaken, this was in
the year seventeen hundred and some
thin A man came into my Office one
day to get building permit to dig a
we'll, an we had some words about how
deep the well should be dug. The man
wanted the privilege of diggin' it deep
enough to find water, but | told him if
he did that he would have to take out a
water permit also, which would be
'leven dollars extra.
Grandfather paused to pull hair out
Of his nose, and then continued:
81 disremember correctly whether
the man got mad Orwhether got mad ;
but | suppose it was the man. Any
how, it resulted disastrously for him,
for your grandfather Immediately
knocked him down and stepped on his
stomach. Did | assess fine of five
cents or SO against myself, and make
great hoorah about it in the papers,
like this miserable Pennsylvania Dutch
man? Not If the Court knows herself.
| appreciated the great truth that | had
been elected to preserve the peace and
maintain the honor and dignity of the
Commonwealth. So / said to myself:
See here, you old bald-headed snipe of
the valley, what in thunder did you do
that for" an, without giving myself
time to answer, | struck myself over
the head with mace and fell over into
a corner. Before had time to rise /
kicked myself several times in the ribs
and caved in thirteen of 'em. Then /
clapped a pair of handouts on my
wrists, showed the muzzle of pistol in
MY ear, and marched myself Off to the
SebastOpol, where / entered charges
against myself Of incitin' an insurrec-
tion, manslaughter in the first degree,
abusin' family, drunk and disorderly
common drunk, cOat-thief, an so on
and so forth. Now, that's the way
your granfather did business" re-
marked the old gentleman, again smit-
ting the floor with his stick.
"Hold! stop! There was more than
that" exclaimed grandfather, after a
moments thought, and he hastily emu
merated the charges he had entered
against himself, "YOur grandfather
father did'ut stop there, children.
Come to think of it, turned myself
loose on the wide world on my own re-
cOgnizance, and if ever was up again
for hearin' would go out for six
months, or there's no hereafter, as Mr..
Ingersoll would say"
Grandfather hobbled eff, devotlng to
the internal gods such one-horse Bur-
gesses as the fellow up In Pennsylva-
MIA,