The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-11-22
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
When they want to break the ice that OBJ
structs NOrdenskjod's polar ship, they throw his
name at It.
citizen Of Oregon City would not go to Port
land to see Grant, because, as he said, Grant
wouldn't know him after be got there.
don't take any foolish chances. If l wuz
called upon 20 mourn over a dead mule, would
stand in front oy him and do my weepin'.-Josh
Billings.
A Detroit restuarantkeeper hangs out a sign
of Z" Free ChOps,' and when the old loafers come
around he shows them an axe and a woodpile.
A Hndoo baker in Calcutta, proud of the Eng
lish he has acquired, displays the sign - Euro
pean Loafer - over his door.
The Grass Valley Union prints as an item of
news a paragraph headed: a. A newspaper man
IN trouble" a newspaper man not in trouble
would be rarer.
Now that we are exporting beef to England
and beer to Germany, It is not strange that a
Yankee has conceived the idea of exporting frogs
to France
Ifa man undertakes to travel on line between
truth and dishonesty, says Josh Billings, he is
sure to stumble, and we all know on which side
OF the line he will fall.
Never FOrgot.-A man dying recently in st.
Louis, left 81 900 to an individual who, years
before. ran away with his wife. He said in the
will that be never forgot favor.
One Of the ancient English nobility had these
words inscribed over his castle gate. They are
worth copying for own use -" They say.
What do they say? Let them say
Don't sit so far away from me, Harry dear
she said to her lover while they were steamng up
the river with the excursion, don sit 50 lar
away and turn your back to me in that way;
people will think we re married
A great many people resemble Louis XI. in
their religion. He made to the Virgin Mary
present of the whole county OF Boulcugne, bat re-
tanned the revenues thereof for himself. In this
equivocal way we are willing to give our lives to
the Lord.
Two girls who lately ran away from Long Is
land are thus graphically described by their ia
sher: Laura, age sixteen, dressed in q straw
hat Florence j., age sixteen, blue suit" We
tremble IN view Of the possibility Of the fair Lau
ra's bat blowing Of
church member in Massachusetts, got tipsy
the other day, and in that condition was met by
bis pastor. Being sternly rebuked for his CON
duct, he excused himself IN this wise - You
know, parson, that for more than twenty years
I've served the Lord faithfully and WELL and so
thought mighs as well take day.
The ~ hardly ever Of - Pinafore - is GER
tainly q plagiarism. IL is taken from the story
Of an ecelesiastic who was confused by the honor
Of preaching before Louis XIV During his dis
course be bad occasion to say, g We must all
die Then, catching breath. he turned in @
complimentary way to Louis and added, "a Nearly
all of u.s."
A good story is told Of Bayard Taylor at din
DER with several gentlemen, one Of whom bored
the company with long pathological dissertations
At length Mr.. Taylor said do you recall the
the derivation of the word restaurant "oh,
yes; it is from the Latin resaurar, to invgorate.
a. Not at all" replied Mr.. Taylor; g is is from
res, "a thing taurus, bull'-a bully thing
The philOlogist subsided.
stolen kiss is sweetest bliss
And makes amid sensation
Destroys the oscultaionI
A ten-dOllar gold piece is to be awarded at the
Mif1in County, Pa, FAIR to the prettiest girl ID
the county, provided a committee Of ten young
ladies can give a unanimous decision TO who il
is. The offer will remain open five years from
date.
An earnest Methodist was hauled over the Goals
by q council of brother ministers for the sin Of
exazgeratiOu. lie arose and said, - The punish
ment they had Judged him was just. He knew
his sin. lie had shed barrels Of tears over it. ~
Err.
There is q man in Southern Indiana ninety
wears old who on the authority of the Cincinnati
Commercial, doesn't glasses. The fact in
duces the Boston P0a to conclude that the old
gentleman takes his in tin dipper.
Ebenezer Stone and his wife Flora, out in Ill-
uois, were divorced not long ago, but afterward
they came to understanding. were remarked,
and are now happy together as far as we know
It was a case of Eb and Flo, it would seem at
any rate they are tide now
IL may be that the man who said he had no re-
ieion to talk about uttered tremendous carcasm
against that class Of pietists who go about telling
what q vast quantity OF religion they have, and
boasting of the beatfc state of perfection to which
they have arrived. These words, however, ex-
press pretty nearly the literal and exact condition
of most men, You can't get over the sad fact
that the average North American boy actually
gets more solid fun from fishing on Sunday after
noon than from going to Sunday School. He
tires Of serious subjects, and even when be be-
comes man he has deep sympathy for the lit
tie fellow who said, wearily, Z" Come, father, let's
drop heaven and talk circus"