The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-10-04
VARIETY.

And walked apart. and nnurmured low.
Be mercfful to me- fooli"
VARIETY.
When you hear a man say the world owes him
Q living, don't leave any movable articles, par
tieulariy any bank bills, lying around loose.
The papers say Jailed suicided,'' ex-
curted," and I" laudanumed," but when some
one ventures on proceshed,'' the people will
rise and printing ONCE will be gutted.
Take her up tenderIy;
Lift her with care;
She'll come TO pieceoh
Raised by the hair
Bachelor Sam. Scudder, Of Wild Cherry
creek, il quite bad. When the girls see him
coming they say, " Here comes Bal-sam of
Wild Cherry, and they all begin to cough.
man in Michigan swapped his horse for q
wife An old bachelor acquaintance said he'd
bet there something wrong with the horse /;
or It's owner would never fooled it away in that
reckless manner.
Judge said to Bishop Haven: 81 think
Texas is best described by saying current
there. A husband, sitting at bis FIRE, saying to
bis wife 81 Wife, / reckon Ill 90 to prayer
meeting. Bring me my revolver"
Horace Greedy was the boss paragraphist
Instead OF taking up column tell man he
dismiss the matter IN two words" You lie. "
And ten thousand would read the paragraph
where one would peruse the editorial.
ss Fact is said Smith, 90 intended to re-
turn your book a month ago but Brown saw
it on your table, and he begged 80 hard that
lent it 20 him. Just as soon as he returns it,
III bring it home" a. see," said Robinson
more in sorrow than in anger, - this is a case Of
bookkeeping by double lentry.-IBOston Trans
cript-
When Darwin visits a menagerie, beliving
that "a the proper study Of mankind is man." he
looks long and earnestly at his ancestors in the
left-handed cage. as they amuse themselves catch
ing Heas.- An aged and digni6ed monkey, grab
bing the head Of younger Darwin Of the fu-
ture, impresses the behOlder with the expression
of the great author, 90 am proud Of my ancestor"
They CoUI.DN,r SrASD THAr.-A young man
made his Appearance at Deadwood last week in a
pair OF white trousers. He was promptly es-
corted to the cars, put on board Of them, and an
injunction placed upon him never to revisit the
place. - We can stand billed shirt, you know"
q miner exclaimed, - but when it comes 10 wear
ing billed drawers we just make them git up and
giS.''
Never send present hoping for one in return.
Nine times out Of ten you will slip up on your
expectations. Freeze to the present you buy.
You are dead 70 sure Of that Never fail TO
answer an Invitation either personally by let
ter. IL il is invitation to dinner, by all
means answer it personally. Ifit is an invita-
ton to a wedding or q donation party, letter
will do just as well, and is about ten times as
eheap- lHawkeye.
Robert Burdette has got back home to stay,
and he writes - have acquired such easy, fam
liar relations with the people OF the house that
the baby has already emptied the ink into one of
my boots, and the mueilage into the other, and
Il
with piece Of beef gristle ard glass of milk.
His mother tells me that should not let him do
it, and perhaps she is right, bat what am to
dot He seems 10 enjoy il. and know do, and
what was this world made for if it wasn't for
pleasure2
THx JUDGE's TURS.-He had hashy coat on,
also a necktie Of pronounced tint, and he paid
bis ten dollars fine with the air OF n man who
was liQuidatng the national debt. He hadn't
been an hour out Of court when he was back
again. His offence was rank, they said. He
had insisted on treating q virtuOus policeman,
who on account Of a crowd being around had
sixni6ed bis adherence Of the temptation by
summary arrest
What, - cried His Honor, Z" here again
Going about like roaring lion, seeking to cor
rupt upright officials, eh? Trying to impair the
integrity Of the laws servants are you? This
outraged municipality demands so more"
IAN right said the prisoner; - Pass the
tenncr W tue u1ftbbyf anu uc tuc
bill 10 the chief clerk. {" I'm of again. By
byl He went into the market half hour
later and asked horse radish man for a cham
payne cocktail. They tried to coax him off but
he said he would have mixed drink or perish.
Another officer told this Of him IN court, when he
appeared there for the third time.
His honor looked abstraeted. Then he said,
This county ought to be grateful to you for
having of the taxes. Ten dollars more
The prisoner paid and leaned back on the rail-
ing as be put the roll of bills away. There clear
lviwas something on his mind. At last he lifted
at, his head and said quietly TO the Court:
a. Judge, don't you think it's time for you to
do sometbing?'
What, sir?"
"Ain't you a-going' & treat? It's only friend
" ike. You'll put up drink now' won't
you ?''
How dare you ask such thing ~
The prisoner turned away with reproachful
glance az the Bench.
judge" he murmured. " / don't want to
sav YOU re small don't want to say you re
r.sau man On, no But will observe that
never spent 90 much money in any house before
-rifhouf the boss treating. That's all
BE went Of, the picture Of dependency.