Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-04-17

Except what's on the cob.
". 7. Graphic
When the collection box threatens.
an audience would sooner disperse than
dispurse.
Everything will turn when trod upon,
even the treadle. 1t turns the grind
stone.
An editor in speaking OF new book
says, " 1t is bound to SELL" Isn't that
what they bind all books for generally
Hang that gater' yelled old Hick-
DRY, as he scraped his shins against it in
the dark. And after supper he went
out and hung it.
Afternoon marriages are the present
style in England-Ex. Can't be.
There never was a marriage before
Eve. What, never? No, never!
A mules head does not contain a
brain capable of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what an
extent the other end of him can be
reared.
The Tribune says Lord Beaconsfield
not only knows everything /" but much
else BESIDES" 1t should have said,
"but much else also in addition be-
sides"
An Illinois man writing to the clerk
of the supreme court of the state for a
license to practice law said: elf you
have two sizes send me the largest
one"
Adolphus-" Angelina, why it'll man
cutting wood like melting thnow p"
Angelina-"I can't tell, Dolly. Tell me,
dear" Adolphus "Becauth beth
thawing."
The civilized Indians of the Cherokee
nation are organizing brass band, so
there will be no further use for the quo
tation, " Lo the poor Indian, whose I'M
toot-ored mind"
"Can you ride backwards without
any Inconvenience" a travelling man
asked his companion, as he turned the
seat. ought to" his colleague nut
tered gloomily, GIVE travelled that way
all my life"
"Does prohibition prohibit ?" asks an
exchange. We don't know. Now stand
still while we give you one. Does ap-
plication apple? Or, if you want an
easier one to begin on, does emigration
Emma?
An English boy was beating donkey
unm ercifully, when the minister of that
parish, coming up, censured him for
his cruelty. The boy resentfully re-
torted: "Pm sure you need no care;
Its name of your congregation"
When a man is hanging by his toes
from the cornice of high building, and
expects momentarily to drop, nothing
so completely treasures and so thor
oughly satisfies him as the sudden dis
covery that he is safely at home in bed.
Will science please stand up and tell
US why a girl who freezes to death ev-
cry time she sweeps off the front steps,
can ride fifteen miles in a sleigh with
nothing around her but some other
girls brothers arm, without ever get
ting blue nose.
tn at will discover planets invisible to
the naked eyes. buy pair of club skates,
strike out boldly On the ice, and when
your blood is up and your heels are
also up, look right into the blue sky, and
the planets will come right down and
play tag around the tip of your nose.
i" Is there anything that will make
grain come up quick?' asked rich
amateur farmer OF an old husbandman.
Well, no, [ don't know nothing that
will do it." was the genial old fellows
reply, unless it be books" Then the
amateur farmer wanted to know where
he could get some.
A man once went to purchase horse
of Quaker. "Will he draw well 7"
asked the buyer. Thee will be pleas
ed to see him draw" The bargain was
concluded, and the farmer tried the
horse, but he would not stir step. He
returned and said, "That horse will not
draw an inch" ~ did not tell thee that
he would draw, friend. 1 only remark
ed that it would please thee to see him
draw, and SO it would me, but he would
never crafty me in that respect"