Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-04
BANKS babies.

| was detained over Sunday in Barns
bury, and on Sunday morning / resolved to
90 to church. The first church | came to,
a small frame structure with wooden
steeple, had the doors and windows tightly
shut, but there was man sitting on the
front steps whiting a stick, and | said to
him:
care you connected with this church 2"
eyes" he said, "I'm the sexton"
'What is it closed for2"
'Well, mostly on account of Banks
babies"
"Babies2"
''Sit down, and I'll tell you about it.
You know Banks, he come to this town to
live few weeks ago aperfect stranger, and
he rented pew in this church. IL seems
that Banks had three little bits of babies,
triplets, not more'n two months old, and
then, besides these, he had twins about a
year old. So nobody knew about the ba-
bies, but Banks wanted the little darlings
baptized, and he allowed to Mrs. Banks that
to rush the whole five babies into church
on one Sunday might excite remark, you
understand. So he settled it that he'd have
'em christened gradually, so to speak Ac-
cOrdingly the next Sunday he fetched little
Jimmy, one of the triplets, and all went off
well enough. On the followin' Sunday he
came a promenadin' up the aisle with
George Washington, another triplet, and
DIR. Binns, our preacher, he fixed him up
all right. People thought it was queer.
but when on the next Sunday mornin'
Banks and his wife come into church with
another baby, William Henry, crying like
a Pawnee war-whoop, some of the folks
couldn't help snickerin'.
"Howsomdever nobody complained, and
all might have been well if Banks hadn't
come along the Sunday after with Elijah
Hunsiker Banks, one of the twins. Every
body@laughed, and Mr.. and Mrs. Banks
they were furious-mad as anything, you
know; and when Elijah Hunsiker Banks
hauled off accidently with his hand and hit
DIR. Binns, who was holding him during the
ceremony, a wack in the face, and the doc
tor dropped him in the water, the congre
CATION just fairly roared with laughter.
Mrs. Banks turned red as fire and looked as
if she would like to murder somebody.
Well, you know, we all thought this was
the last, and public feeling kinder simmered
down on toward the end of the week, when
who should come booming up the asile on
Sunday morning but Mr.. and Mrs. Banks,
with Tecumseh Aristotle Banks, the remain
ing twin Well, you ought to We heard the
laugh! l never seen nothin'
like it in all my experience. Even Dr.
Binns had to smile. And the Bankses, they
were perfect wild with rage. Anyhow,
they baptized Tecumseh; and after meetin'
some of the elders got to jokin' about it.
One, they'd have to apply to the town su
pervisors for an extension of the water
works; another allowed that arrangements
ought to be made to divert Huckleberry
Creek and run it down the middle aisle of
The church; another made some kind of a
joke about business being good because so
many banks were in town; another said that
Banks would need about twelve pews when
his family grew up. Somebody must have
told Banks about it, for what does he do to
revenge himself2 He sends down to Cla-
rion county to his two sisters to come and
bring their children. SO they had a couple
OF babies apiece, and as soon as they arrived
Banks he begins to bring them to church
gradually, like the others. Yon never seen
such meetings as them! The church was
Jammed full, and people just roarin.
And when Banks came in on Sunday with
the fourth and last of his sisters babies,
the trustees thought it was time to
Getting to be a farce, yeu
knowl So Deacon Smith he stepped up
and said somethin' or other to Banks, and
Banks, quicker'n a wink, laid down the
baby and banged the Deacon with his fist.
And so, dunno how it it was, but in a
minute there was Banks and Deacon Smith,
and Deacon Hubbard, and Banks sisters
baby, and me, all a rolling and bumpin'
over the floor, hittin' and kickln' and
woopin' in a manner that was ridiculous to
behold.
And when we all come to, and got
out, Banks picked up the bat
tered baby of his sister and quiet, and the
trustees held an informal meetin' and
agreed to close the church for month SOS
to kinder freeze Banks out, and now we've
shut up; but reckon is is no use, for |
hear Banks has got his back up and gone
over and joined the Baptists" So l said
good day to the sexton and went in search
of another sanctuary.