The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-07-03
QUIPS,
QUIPS.
NEVER fails of a crop-a hen.

A>H In 4a1iS OI a crOp-a hen.
WHEN pretty girl is attired in a
wlne-colored silk is she an Intoxicating
beauty?
MARRIAGE" observes somebody. dis
no uneven game. It's a tie" A beau
knot, of course.
AN eat-joke: To ask a friend to dine
with you at restaurant, and then leave
him t. pay for his own dinner.
"WHY," asks newspaper "is intoxi-
cation so common in SUMMER" Be-
cause It's sot weather, we suppose.
I'LL not compromise my honor"
said a loud-yoiced politician. "No, and
Tor the same reason [ will not close the
eye In the back of my head" said his
opponent.
"ILL make you prove that" said
man to another, who had accused him
Of theft. Don't" said a witty BY
stander, =" for you'll feel worse after it
than you do now"
In an Indiana church the best-looking
young ladies are selected to pass the
contribution boxes, and there isn't a
young man in the congregation that
dare drop in button.
A COUNTRY negro recently sent re-
ply to an invitation, in which he Gre
GREETED that circumstances repugnant to
the requiescence would prevent his ac-
ceptance of the invite"
AN Irish waiter at dinner party COM
plimented a turkey in the following
manner: Faith, it's not six hours since
that turkey was walking around his real
estate with his hands in his pockets,
never dhraming what purity invitashun
hid have to jine yees gintlemen at din
ner"
The following testimonial of GER
tain patent medicine speaks for itself:
Dear Sir: Two months my wife could
scarcely speak. She has taken two bot
ties of your Life Renewer,' and now
she can't speak at all. Please send me
two more bottles. l wouldn't be with
out it."
PROFESSOR" said cheeky Soph,
is there any danger of disturbing the
magnetic currents if [ examine that
compass too closely?" and the stern pro-
fessor, loving his little joke, promptly
responded: mo, sir; brass has no effect
whatever on them;" thereby scoring
three against the unsuspecting man of
cribs.
A MINISTER at colored wedding, who
wished to be humorous, said son such
occasions it is customary to kiss the
bride, but in this case we will omit it,"
70 which malignant remark the groom
pertinently replied: Con such occasions
it is customary to pay the minister $40,
but in this case we will omit it."
A WOMAN of business that was, who
told the doctor he oughtn't to charge
her anything for attending Bonnie
when he had scarlet fever, because
thirteen of the neighbors' children
caught it from him, and gave him lots
Of patients. She thought he ought to
be thankful, instead of bringing bills to
her.
"'TIs said that absence conquers
love-" quoted a husband, in writing
home to his wife, from whom he had
been some time away. "Ihope. dear, it
won't be SO in your case" 0, no." she
replied in her next letter, &c the longer
you stay away the better I shall like
you" He had to take it thus ambigu-
ously, as he was afraid to risk asking an
explanation.
:" WHAT shall I preach about?" said
minister to the pastor of a colored
flock which he was to address. "Wel,
mos any subject will be 'ceptable," was
the reply; only I'd Like to glib you
one word oh caution" "Ah! what is
that?" "Well, eff was you, I'd tech
very light on de Ten Commandments"
Indeed! and why?" '"Oh, cos I hab
notise dat dey mos always hab damp
min effect on de congregation"