The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-11-14
TAKE A SMILE.
A douLle-shell race CLANS.

I Handsome apples are sometimes
= sour. 'Hf
: Unseen happiness "a kiss in th'
II is better to bear injustice than tt
! do it.
Hope Is the sugar coating on the pill
of life.
An Iowa woman has invented
, spankophone.
Truth is stranger than fiction, fol
there is less oft. '"
f To change and to be better arc two
= different things. t.+iti
He who has steers to shed, prepare
to shed them now. ..ino
People who give tone to society rare
, ly give anything. else. sllal
The greatest draw back to ones com.
: fort is said TO be blister.
The first thing man takes in his life
is his milk; the last is his bier.
The highest price for old bones will
be found in Westminster Abbey.
The brightest pictures one sees in
hooks are taken from wood-cuts.
A professional beauty, though two
words, is really only one silly belle.
The most truthful man in the world
sometimes lies-under mistake.
1t rain doesn't come pretty soon, milk
will have to be sold by dry measure.
A three-cent stamp becomes sent
stamp after you have mailed your let
| ter.
A little boy, proud of his new jacket
told his sister that he was q six-button
kid.
A western paper remarks that the
world will soon look upon America as
the fodderland.
When man gets so in the habit of
lying as to do it unconsciously, that is
"heterophemy."
Abstemious and facetious are said to
be the only two words in which the
vowels follow one another in their order.
Kisses are the right kind of fsmacks to
sail down the stream of life with, al
though taking a bus is not bad.
About the prettiest pedestrian match
to look at is young couple walking up
to the preacher to get married.
Nothing makes one so happy in the
world as work, excepting, OF course,
pleasure, including eating, drinking
and sleeping.
1t is current bard who sings, 'T sat
alone with my conscience" Two to
one he never had less fun in his born
days.
Little Johnny says "Talk about
your patent base-burning stoves; my
mas old slipper is hot enough base
burner for me-"
When man tries to borrow money
from friend, that is experimental
philosophy; when friend refuses,
that is natural philosophy.
A Scotch sportsman (to his game
keeper) --"Much rain to day, Danald?"
Gamekeeper-"Just a wet, misty day,
VII showers atween, SIR" ...
An ingenious quack is trying to prove
that Absalom must have used some OF
his restorative" else he could not
have had such long hair.
The best excuse for suicide we ever
heard was that of the fellow who said
he wanted to get into the next world
before ell the soft places were taken
up.
The little one made beautiful an
swer without knowing it. "What kiss
such homely man as papa?' said the
mother, in fun. "Oh, but papa is real
pretty in his heart" was the reply.
"Vegetable pills?" exclaimed an old
lady, "don't talk 10 me of such stuff.
The best vegetable pill ever made is an
apple dumping. For DESTROYING a
gnawing of the stomach, there's moth
ing like it,"
1t isn't the general fault-fnder, with
his bluff, rough way; it is the whining
snarling stickler for small and inconsi-
derable points. who annoys YOU most.
A man can fight a humble bee better
than he can mosquito.
When newspaper paragraph opens
in language as soft as the bosom of love,
and as sweet as the tnkle of wood
land brook, it is always safe to conclude
that the virtues OF some patent medicine
are harnessed on the end. .e.,
By some mistake in the "making
up" of newspaper, under the head
ing, 'Reduction in the price of eas,n
it was stated that "the Rev. DR.. -
receives only fifty dollars now for q
lecture that he formerly got hundred
for" '' oi
An impertinent fop made sport of an
old farmers large nose, mouth and
chin, but the Old farmer silenced him
by saying, "Your nose, mouth am chin
all had to be made small so 'at there'd
be material enough left for your cheek"
A ten-year-old boy, boastiDg of his
fathers accomplishments, puts it thus. :.
"My father can do almost anything :;
he's notary public, and he's al apothe-
cary, and he can pull teeth; and he's a
doctor and can mend wagons and
things, and play the fiddle; he's jack
ass of all trades" Ios
Parting advice of fond mother to
daughter, on bidding her good night
'lf you and John must sit up and talk
till midnight, all right; but Pm not
going to be kept awake by a torrent of
talk, now L tell you" The Young
couple take the hint, and a siege of
silence reigns that for perfection of en-
joyment is simply uiexcelled. ..,,,
FRANK LEsLIE's SUNDAY MAGAzINE
FOR DECEMBER. brilliantly closes the
sixth semi-annual volume of this desel-
vedly popular publication. Its 12s
pages are profusely illustrated, and
TEEN with articles of rare merit. The
contents are always edifying and enter
tanning; the magazine is an instruc-
tive and pleasant companion not mere
: ly upon Sundays, but on every day of
the week; 1t iDeulcates lessons of pu-
rity of character, nobleness of purpose
and action, charity, humanity and phil
anthropy, and should be found in
every house in the country. 1t Isl Just the
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