Smyrna times., 1879-06-11
WHOLE NO. 1858.
Newspaper Waits.

An anonymous article-A baby before it's
christened.
In the vegetable race who ever saw the
tomato ketchup.
Some girls are like old muskets, and use
great deal of powder, but don't 20 off.
Milton said "Our country is WHARF ,vo
are well off" How few of us newsnaner
men feel at home.
An amateur singer frightened a nair Of
canary birds to death. 1t was a case of
killing two birds with ones tone.
We should think the conductors wife
would be jealous of her lord. He is alwavs
looking after the fares, You know.
First impressions are lasting, as the school
master said when he introduced himself TO
the new school by flogging all hands.
There is more JOY over the dollar which
is found on the highway than there is over
ninety and nine which were never lost.
book just published is entitled "Say.
ings and Doings of Great Men" We notice
that the "Sayings have large majority.
There is a man who says he has not slept
for fifteen years, and that he lies and thinks
all night. We can vouch for his lying, if
| for no other part OF his story.
"What newspaper does an editor remind
you Off" asked subscriber in the country.
| He reminds us of the Christian al Work.
but this is not the answer furnished by the
conundTum.
"Who was the first man ?" asked a
Sunday school teacher of her prodigy.
"Adam." "And who was the first wo-
man2" He hestated but a moment, and
then shouted, Madam
The President and most of the members
of his cabinet will attend the national en-.
campment, Grand Army of the Republic, to
be held in Albany on the 18th inst 1t will
be the greatest gathering the organization
ever held.
A new hotel having somehow got the rep
utation Of being the headquarters for spirit
ualists, the proprietor published a card say
ing that no spirits could be found in the
house other than those usually found at
first-class hotels.
New York has Georgia peaches already.
Buffalo wants no peaches from that rebel
lious and hopelessly Democratic state.
Buffalo can wait. And beside, they are
poor little, wormy, scrawny things that are
not fit for anybody to eat, anyhow.-Bufalo
ErpresS.
negro preacher described hell as ice
cold, where the wicked froze to all eternity.
Asked why, he said: "'Cause don't dare
tell dem people muffin else. Why, if say
hell is warm, some of dem old rheumatic
niggers be wantin' start down der de very
} fus' fros'."
The Louisville Courier Journal presents q
a startling list of crimes, two columns in
) in length, perpetrated in Ohio in a single
week, and proceeds to denounce that state
r We have long thought that Ohio was too
g near Kentucky ever to be sober and virtu
= ous.-Bu6alo Express.
An elderly gentleman finds himself at 6
= masked ball set upon by three lively domi
nos, who finally ask of him in chorus
:" Oh, is it true you are sixty years old 2
"Whoever told you so, ladies, told you no
: such thing" cries the old gentleman, gal
antly. I'm twenty years old for each o
e you-that's what am
y Once upon time Jake Mason went to
J. donation party where six farmers were tt
e contribute jug of milk apiece. Well, one
e mana very mean man this mean maj
: was Jake Mason-thought it would no
r. make any difference if he contributed waite
70 IN place of milk so he filled his jug will
e | water, and took it to the donation. Whel
e he got there he turned it over the bung
II and it ran into a barrel where all the othe
e farmers had turned their milk. Now
5, what do you think was the result? Why
1t every one of the six farmers happened t
% he as mean as Jake Mason. They had a
y brought water.-ChicGgo Tribune.