The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-10-31
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

1uc feign Oh CeieW6YO 1S over, ana IL was
good deal of a shower while it lasted.
Chicago Tribune.
: All the signers of the Declaration of In
dependence signed their names with quill,
except one, he signed his Witherspoon.
SAVANNAH Recorder.
Annie Louise Carey makes about $22,-
900 year BY her singing, and yet she re-
fuses to support husband. She is not
performing her duty to society. -Syraeuss
Herald.
Although Pinafore has visited nearly
every quarter of the globe, the Democrats
can console themselves with the reflection
that there are no troupes at the poles.-Cin-
einnGti Gazette.
The oil City Derrick says there were
$40 petroleum wells completed last month.
At this rate it would seem that this ter
restrial ball will soon be sucked as dry as q
squeezed lemon.
"Who will lead the spelling reformers
when Josh Billings dies?" ?"-Nsw York
Star. Wen buy our pools on John Logan,
although SO long as Agnes Jenks is in the
field we shall never feel safe.-C Courier
Journal.
We want to make tidy paragraph, and
know no better way of doing it, although
it may be considered crewel, than to say
that the Afghans are worsted. If the joke
is little threaebare, darn it, if you wish.
Boston Transcript.
In about two weeks more Gen. Grant will
have to begin to keep house, and as he goes
down the back street at Galena, with
market-basket under his arm, he will feel
good deal like a country editor when he
gets home from an editorial convention.
PecEs San.
Two drunken men from Newburyport
wandered into Salem tunnel in the night
and fell asleep. After sleeping some time,
one of them awoke and called out to his
companion: abraham, shut that door,
for our room is extensively large. ."-Ns~-
buryport Herald.
A member in the rhetorical class in cer-
tain college had just finished his dec!ama-
ton, when the President said: "Mr.
do you suppose General would address his
soldiers in the manner in which you spoke
that piece?" "Yes, sir, l do" was the
reply, "if he was half scared to death. !"
Unknoon ErcAange.
Gen. Grant says that travel through any
part of the interior of Japan is as secure
to the unaccompanied and unarmed
foreigner as it is in New England. And it
is a great deal more so, he might have
added, than it is in Mississippi, Kentucky
or Texas. But then we send missionaries
to Japan, and none to the Southern States
named. -Norristown Herald.
A man from New Jersey, recently on a
visit to this country, while strolling through
the Governments ground at West Point
was attracted by a number of cannons, the
muzzle ends of which were imbedded in
the earth. "What are these guns placed
in this position for ?'' inquired ne OF cadet
who chanced to pass. In case OF war
with China !" was the young soldiers
prompt reply. The foreigner lapsed inte
deep medit ,tion. .-Yonkers Statesman.
Ex-Collector Simmons, of Boston, SAID at
club dianer the other day that he had
stepped out Of his party "for this occasion
only )" and that he expected to be working
in the Republican ranks again next year.
His case reminds rs of the church member
who got tipsy, and in that condition was seen
by bis pastor. Being sternly rebuked for
his conduct, be excused himself in this wise:
" You know, parson, that for more than 20
years I've served the Lord faithfully and
we'll, and so thought might as well take
a day oF."-NssotOn Journal.