Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-07-25
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A MAsTERLY STROKE OF GENIUS
The other day muscular young fellow,
having an odor of the stables about him,
entered a Detroit photographer estab-
Eshment and explained that he would like
to have about one photograph taken, but
on learning the price he concluded to in
vest in a tin type. After taking seat in
the chair he shut up one eye, drew his
mouth one side, stuck up his nose and pa
tiently waited for the operator, whose as
constituent caused him to exclaim
s'Good gracious! but you don't want to
look that way to get picture. Nobody
will know you from Sitting bull"
''You 60 ahead" was the reply.
do you want me to take such a phiz as
that?"
81 dO.''
The artist took it. It beat Sol Smith
Russell all to pieces; and was highly salts
factory to the sitter, who paid for it and
said
ssYou see, had a sort Of object in this
Come here from Allegheny county six
months ago-engaged to gal out there
found gal here I like better-got to sew
er old ties-see ~
ssBut what has that picture got to do
with old ties?'' asked the artist.
"Lots heaps! I've writ to her 1 was
blode up here on boat and disfgered for
life. She's awful proud. When she gifts
this and sees how that explosion wrecked
me, she'll hunt another lover quicker'n
wink-see? How do you like the plot?
Just gaze on this picture once and tell me
that Mary Ann won't send me my love-
letters by first train!''
He posted the picture. The letter was
brief, but it explained all. 1t said:
"My Ever Dear CURL inclose my
pickture that you may see how offol bad
was hurt, tho 1 know you will Low me just
the Same.o
s'Ever see that game worked afore?'' he
asked Of the artist as he licked the stamp
on the letter.
''No-never did,"
'sCourse you never did. It's mine. It
struck me the other day while I was greas-
in a wagon, and [ think its the boss.
Blode up-see? Dlsfggered for life-see?
Picture right there to prove it, and she'll
write back that she has at last concluded
toyield to her parents wishes and marry a
young man out there who owns eleven
steers, a hundred sheep, and an eighty
acre lot.''
He KNEW HUMAN NATURE.-A man
was denouncing newspaper advertising to
crowd of listeners. 'Last week." said
he, II had an umbrella stolen from the
veStibule of the church. It was a
gift, and, prizing it very highly. I spent
double its worth in advertising, but have
not recovered it,
"HoW did you word your advertise
ment?' asked merchant.
''Here it is" said the man, producing a
slip cut from a newspaper.
The merchant took it and read: 'Lost
in the vestibule of the - last Sabbath
evening, black silk umbrella. The gen.
tleman who took it will be handsomely re-
warded by leaving it at No. - San
Fernando street."
"Now," said the merchant, ST am lib
eral advertiser, and have always found it
paid me well. A great deal depends upon
the manner in which an advertisement is
put. Let us try for your umbrella again,
and if YOU do not acknowledge that ad
vertising pays, will purchase you a new
one.s
The merchant took slip of paper from
his pocket, and wrote: 'sIf the man who
was seen to take an umbrella from the YES
tibule of certain church last Sabbath
evening does not wish to get into trouble
and have stain cast upon his Christian
character which he values SO highly, he
will return it to No. -- San Fernando
street. He is well known"
This duly appeared in the paper, and on
the following morning the man was as
tonished when he opened the front door of
his residence. On the porch lay at least
dozen umbrellas, of all shades and sizes
that had been thrown in from the side
walk, while the front yard was literally
paved with umbrellas. Many of them had
notes attached to them, saying that they
had been taken by mistake. and begging
the loser to keep the little affair quiet.
A rural bride Of considerable beauty
went to Indianapolis on the honeymoon
tour. Her husband was manifestly proud
of her good looks. While they were going
about the city she was struck in the face
by falling signboard, and her nose bro
ken. The attendant surgeon said she was
badly disfgured for life. "Just my darned
luck,' the husband exclaimed, property
always goes to ruin in my hands,"
Elbow long will it be before you get this
work done?" said lady to an apprentice
who was painting her house on Third
street. 'sWel, I don't know ma am
said he. 1.-THE boss has just gone to look
for another job. If he gets it, I'll be done
tomorrow; but if he don't Pm afraid it'll
take me all next week.
A woman who can take mental inven-
tory of another woman's street attire in
half minute, will occupy an entire morn
ing in telling her neigLbor the details.
Two men started out on wager to see
who could tell the biggest lie. No. COM
menced: IA wealthy country editor
whereupen No, 2 stopped him right there
and paid the forfeit.