Litchfield enquirer., 1879-04-10

Scene: German recitation room, March, 1SS0 Tutor: MT. K, please translate the following sentence My brother has glass of water and piece of bread" MT. X. | (dropped from '80): Please, sir, Idont know the words for water and bread " ealways did our sentences last year in beer and cheese"
 The ..Forty Thieves "A Yankee, who had never paid more than twenty five cents to see an exhibition went to a New York theatre one night te see the 'Forty Thieves" The ticket-seler charged him seventy-fve cents for ticket. Passing the pasteboard back, he quietly remarked: Keep it, mister l don't want to see the other thirty -nine," and out he | marched
 A gentleman addresses another gentleman, whom he doesn't know, at a party :-"This af- fair is awfully stupid, let's go out and take a drink" ''I would like to do it," was the re- ply, ''but can't leave very we'll" "Why not? ?" ''Why, you see I am the one that is giving the party"
 The following story comes to the Rochester Express from over the water; 'Nlrs. Muriel took great interest in parish affairs. Last year she promised to assist in decorating the parish church. One illuminated text she thought would look we'll over the chancel screen, and she requested her husband to bring it from town. As might have been expected, he forgot the text, and wired to his wife for particulars. To the surprise of all the tele- graph clerks this message came flashing over the wires Unto us child is born, nine feet long by two feet broad"
 FAITH-A teacher once endeavored to illus trate faith. thus:
 ''Chidren if I should tell you that saw monkey climbing liberty pole, would you be- lieve me?"
 "Yes sir" unanimously.
 ''Well that is faith you believe me because say it, and you feel sure Iwouid not tell an untruth."
 The next day the question was asked of the same children.
 "What is faith ?"
 "A monkey climbing liberty pole," an- swered quick little boy.
 A funny scene was witnessed few days ago in the Federal court at Danville, Va, the judge of which (Rives) it will be recellected, recently instructed his grand jury to indict number of county judges for not putting col ored men on the iuries. A colored man named Gravely was indicted for selling liquor without license. When he saw the jury before which he was to be tried, about equally divided be- tween white and black he exclaimed, "For Gods sake, don't let them niggers try mel" Efforts were made to pacify him, but he insist ed that triggers would hang man just to see him kick"
 ''It's berry snglar," remarked Uncle Joe Jehnson as he laid down the morning paper and refectively surveyed the toes of his list slippers, as they reposed on the guardian of the cylinder stove; tits berry sing'lar dat ef man lives to be ober fifty, an 'cumulates stamps, an dies gen'ally admired an 'spected, dat one-half ob his survlvin' friends is almost sartan to prove in de courts dat he was of un- soun' min, an dat he wasn't fit in his later years to plan out v'y'ge for a mud-scow. But you'll fin de papers full ob stories ob ole felars dat die bout d hundred y'ars ole in de penthouse an dey is al'ays sensible to de las :"
 It was calm, still night, soft air playing caressingly with the tresses of lovely girl, and the moon shed it's gentle ray over the radiant brow of her lover. Her small brother, mean while, just home for the holidays, was acci- dentally wandering in quest of bat in the neighborhood when he heard the voices of his sister and her betrothed. Prompted by the natural curiosity of youth he lingeredto listen. After few inarticulate murmurs he became conscious of the sound of osculation, and en- joyed his position exceedingly. Later in the evening he met the pair at tea. q heard you kiss Fred" he abruptly remarked to his sister. "What do you mean, you rude boy" cried the sweet girl, turning scarlet. "Oh, it's no nse denying it p replied her brother. You can't gammon me, Iknew the sound, you know; it was just like COW pulling her hoof out of mud hole" This is an instance of a comparison which was odious.