Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-07-24
Lickshingie as a Chiropodist.
Cincinnati Enquirer .

Lickshingie as C.iircpodist.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Speakin' of corn an bunion eradica-
tors" remark ed Grandfather Lickshin-
gle, Il had medicine when 7 was
young man that took the rag off'n the
bush. l called it the Great North
American Cornucopia an Bunion Erad-
icator.' Powerful? Hitch little of
that medicine to a corn, an it would
yank it out like steam stump-puIler
had it by the hair of the head. Besides
having all the great men of that day as
my patrons, travelled abroad, an with
my Eradicator removed corns and bun
ions from the crowned heads of Europe.
In this country [ had the entree of the
first families of the land Daniel Web
ster was one of my best customers
Dan1 had corn on the inside of his
little toe, an also one On his heel
Stonebruise! 1t was worse nor forty
stonebruises. The way that man used
to cuss an swear at them excrescenses
was dretful to hear. Remove EN-? I
should say l did. And, besides payin'
me handsome stipend, he sent me the
Cong' Globe containin' his speech
es as long as he lived. Dan'l insisted
till the day of his death that it was my
eradicator that made a man of him.
who could ever have swayed the
Masses he used to say, with a corn on
TIE inside of his little toe?'
George Washington cOrns and bun
ons has fed and clothed me many a
time. George was sorely afflicted as to
his feet. Let me see. He had seven
corns on one foot and nine on the 9TH
er, with several bunions that l can't ex-
actly locate. Then there was Martha,
his wife. [ knowed Martha afore he
married her. In fact, [ put her feet in
shape for the weddin'. l allus liked
Martha, but KNOWN her feet intimately
as | did, | could never have married
her. Corns? Corns and bupions till
you couldn't rest. There was only one
other foot in the hull country that had
more corns on than her left one, an
that was her right one.
"One of my very best customers was
Aaron Burr. An that reminds me of
little anecdote. Aaron was somethin'
Of a masher, ard wore his boots a good
deal snugger than was comfortable. As
[ was recognized as the leadin' chiro-
podist of America an Europe, this lit
tie weakness Of his'n threw me in con
tact with him very of'n. | knowed B ur-
hisself as we'll as | knowed his feet. He
was fond of crackin' his jokes, an never
met me out in society but he would ak
me if I'could guarantee my eradicator
to cure corned beef. One day con
cluded | would come back at him. He
had borrowed dollar of me when he
was in tight place, and was to pay 1t
back Saturday. Saturday | happened
to be in his county, an SO took a run
over to see him He was good deal
troubled just then, about a little affair
OF his'n, an that day it was worryin'
him dretfie. He was pacin' back an
for'ard like, an axed me what | wanted.
[ said, On, nothin' in particular, only if
he had that dollar it'd come handy.
He walked across the room again with
his hands under his coat tails, an ex-
claimed: %, Blannerhassettp
Il pretended not to tumble to his lit
tie trouble, an said:
go come now, Mr.. Burr, that won't
do; it's too thin. want my shekels.'
''He kept on walkin' like he didn't
hear me, an said again:
40 Blannerhassett! Blannerhassettp
II said: 'Lookee here, Mr.. Burr, that
amt business. If Banner has it, why
in thunder don't you go an get it from
him, an pay me up like a man?'
''He said: See here, Doctor'-they
all called me doctor, thon-'see here,
Doctor, you don't understand. This
Blannerhassett'-
81 cut him off, an said [ don't want
to hear another word about Banner. |
didn't loan no money to Banner. |
loaned it to Burr, an; Burr would have
to pay or take the consequences, an l
began to loose my choaker.
"'Let me EXPLAIN said he; this man
Blannerhassett'-
"'Lookee here, Mr.. Burr I said,
farm up, IF you don't want me TO get
ugly an tear things, don't mention old
Banner again. [ don't care whether
Banner, or Spanner, or Hammer has it,
| loaned it to you, an you're the chick
en- that'll have to ante up. Dye hear?'
"'For heavens sake, Doctor he
yelled, don't you know Blannerhas-
sett? | thought everybody knowed
Blannerhassett.'
elbow in the name of the American
flag should know Banner. has it?' ]
exclaimed. TO Halifax with BANNER!
Banner may have it an he may not l
don't know
"By this time Burr was hoppin'
around like cockroach in a hot skill
let, an shown five dollar note IN my
fin, exclaimed:
"'Here, you internal lunatic, take
this an cit, an, if you ever cross my
threshold again, III shoot you dead
can that was the last time Aaron
Burr axed your grandfather to try the
efficacy of his Bunion Eradicator on
corned beef"
Italian Girls.
Forneys Progress.