The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1879-12-17
Hotel Clerks Yindlrnied.


When | was your age" said grand
father, to citizen who was deploring
the unreliability of the newspapers
when / was at your age, | had the
same fault to find with the papers. /
couldn't believe word that was in 'em.
For instance, every day | read some
screed about hotel clerks stickin' up
their noses at poor but respectable peo-
pie who were forced to stop with them.
At that time | was proprietor of the
Fifth Avenue hotel, and was runnin' it
on the European plan-if you don't see
what you want, ask for it, no trouble to
show goods, an that sort of thing. /
didn't believe a word of what the
papers writ about hotel clerks, an was
mighty sure mine warn't that way.
To satisfy, myself, however, and windi-
cate hotel clerks everywhere, / put up
ajob on the newspapers.
A smile lit up grandfather's counte-
nance at this stirring of memory's en-
bers; but lt quickly vanished and he
went on:
81 allus dressed in the height of fash
ion; but l borrowed a suit of clothes of
John Jacob Astor, an disguised myself
as a poor but honest person from the in
terror. had let some friends in the
secret, an they were present to see hotel
clerks windicated, an stingin' rebuke
administered to n scurrilous press"
AT this point grandfather chuckled
audibly.
"Wnen all was ready | walked into
the Fifth Avenue, carryin' an ordinary
lookin' gripsack, an registered as john
Crabapple from Squeedunk. Nice day =
| said, as l ornamented the register with
my stage name. Glad to hear it, said
the clerk, as he fixed his necktie at n
loOkin' glass in the office. What time
kin l get a train to HackensackP' l
asked-for / knOwed that particular
clerk was strong on time tables, an l
wanted to fetch him out afore the in
vited guests, who were sittin' around
takin' it all in. His reply knocked me
clear off'n my pins. He said, never once
taking himself away from the lookin'-
glass: See here, my baldheaded patri-
arch! you don't see no people sleepin'
around here on benches with their
valises between their feet, do youP You
don't see no man shown trucks around
loaded with trunks, dc youP You don't
observe any little girls runnin' around
with apples to sell, do youp No, !
reckon not This is no railroad depot,
dear sir! If you take me for ticket
agent, baggage-smasher, or brake
man, you get left. run hotel, not a
mere railroad / was as mad as wet
hen; but l waited a spell. When he
got his necktie to run parallel with his
moustache, he turned around an asked
me what l was after, an if would
mind removin' my carpet-sack from the
counter, an carryin' it out to the stable,
where it evidently belonged. This
was rubbin' your grandfather the
wrong way of the ha'r; but as
for the good of clerks in general, ] nat
urally thought could stand it if they
could. / said would like to have a
room. if it was all the same to him. He
said he would give me room in the
cellar, only he was afeard might sprout.
Young man. said /, farin' up, Il hev
money to pay my way an sleep in the
bridal chamber, an don't propose to
take no lip from any stuck-up hotel
clerk Who's stuck-up hotel clerk ?
he yelled, dancing out of his little den,
an'puttin' up his hands who's stuck
up hotel clerkp' / told him / was only
jokin', an was willin' an anxious to take
it all back; but he wouldn't have it.
He danced roun', an bobbed up an
down, an finally hit me terrible blow
on the nose. Take that, you old hay
seedr he yelled; AN that. an tLat, an
thatp An l did as he recommended
When 1 was beginnin' to get back al
him, he struck the bell an seven porters
seized me an hustled me out on the
street, the clerk bringin' up the rear, as
it were, with his box-toed shoes. Or
the sidewalk policeman collared me-
an was locked up for thirty-six hours
afore l could git chance to explain
things"
"Then it can hardly be said that yor
succeeded in vindicating hotel clerk!
against the'slanders of the press"
Windicate," replied grandfather
moved to wrath; and he ambled off
stabbing the door spitefully with hii
cane. Cincinnati Enquirer.