Smyrna times., 1879-08-13

A bad boy calls himself Compass, because
he is boxed SO often.
If poverty is disgrace mended stockings
are darned shame.-Ne0 Orleans Picayrue.
say, my little son, where does the
right hand road go?" "Don't know, sir;
'talnt been nowhere since we lived here"
Scandal mongers may learn this lesson
rom the frog Once overpassed the season
OF his adolescence he gives up tail bearing.
Gazette.
1t isn't the waiter who has TO learn to
wait at hotel table as much as the guest.
We judge from the time it takes to get
served.-Ctncinnati Commercial
1t is great piece offolly for a man to be
always ready to meet trouble half way. If
ne would put all the journey on trouble, he
might never meet it at all.
Newly married husband: "This is
TREND OF mine, my dear-a friend of twenty
years standing" His bride. GOOD
gracious: Then pray give him a seat, for l
am sure he must be tired"
81 am afraid" sadIa lady to her husband,
" that l am going to have a stiff neck"
" Not at all improbable, my DEAR" replied
her spouse, have seen symptoms of it
ever since we were married"
Texas may not pay as much attention to
higher education as some Of her sister states,
but when it comes to teaching young ideas
how to shoot with neatness and dispatch,
she is concededly without rival.-1Bany
Euening Journal.
After the service. Deacon-"Good
afternoon Brother Smith. You neglected
drying up" Minister-"So SO | did. | am
sorry. But you know the First church has
a picnic tomorrow, and that will doubtless
do quite as well."-Amertcan Punch.
A Detroiter cured long and severe
attack of neuralgia by falling down stairs.
That's nothing. Some years ago Norris
town youth was cured of bad habit of
swearing by falling off cherry tree. Not
a single oath has escaped his lips since.
The fall broke his neck.-Norr;8toDn Herald.
A pair of scissors was lost, and the little
one suggested that prayer be said, asking
that they might be found. There was,
however, lurking conciousness that there
ought to be a combination of prayer and
work, so the youthful philosopher said
Now, mother, rm tired; so I'll pray
while you hunt"
"Bub, did you ever stop to think" said
grocer recently, as he measured out half
peck of potatoes, " that these potatoes con-
tain sugar, water and starch?" "No, l
didn't" replied the boy, "but l heard
mother say you put peas and beans in your
coffee, and about pint of water in every
quart of milk you Sold" The subject of
natural philosophy was dropped right there.
Att o'clock in the morning two duellists,
who are to fight to the death at place in
the suburbs, meet at the ticket office of the
railroad station. "Gimme a return ticket
as usual" says the first duellist to the clerk
in terrible tone and with ferocious twist
: of his moustache. ell say, do you
, always buy return tickets ?" stammers his
, opponent. always" "Then | appolo-
gize."
Z. meets a Bohemian of his acquaintance,
r and perceives with stupefaction that the
0 latter's hair and beard, which week ago
S were perfectly black, have turned white.
, you fnl me grown old don't you ~ asks
$ the Bohemian. Rather! Has some great
/ misfortune overtaken you?' On the con
+ trary, have married an enormously rich
widow. But, as my wife is fifteen years
older than l am, in order not to look ridic.
9 ulous when l go out with her, have dyed.
e French Newspaper.
l. "Whst are you doing, Rutherford p
s asked Mrs. Hayes the other morning before
r breakfast, when she entered the President
i. library and found him writing rapidly anC
n huge pile of manuscript in front of him
1t "Why," replied Mr.. Hayes, without looking
n up, " am preparing veto No. s." "Vet'
n No. 81" echoed Mrs. Hayes. "Why Con
re gress has adjournedT' "I believe that i
s. so," returned his Excellency, jabbing hi
a. pen in the ink; "but q veto message will
be handy to have in the house in case ofal
NorristO,on Herald
IN Old Madame Rothschild, mother of tn
y mighty capitalists, attained the age c
le ninety eight years. Her wit, which wa
le remarkable, and her intellectual faculties
le which were of no common order, were pre-
y, served to the end. In her last Hines;
r. when surrounded by her family, her phys
le clan being present, she said in a supplian
ST tone to the latter, Dear doctor, try to d
something for me-" MADAME, what can
do? l can't make you young again.
p. "No, doctor, | don't want to be youn
IL. again, but want to continue to grow old.
is
ID A pretty little girl, in whose cheap an
to plain dress the child of laborer could
ot recognized, contemplated, in company wit
Id her mother, the rich show-window of tc
to store on the Boulevard. Her mothe
We pointing at the biggest and most rich
dressed of the dolls, said You would lii
to have that wouldn't you, Louise?" 80
ed no, mamma, not that one; its too we
in. dressed for me-" "And what differen'
h. does that make to you?' "Why, I'd wal
,ds to be my dolly's mamma, and not her sc
,se want girl."-French Newspaper.