Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1879-03-05

lecture | WAS expected to deliver in the
7ening,and so badly scared thai couldn't
emember the subject nor what it was
'bout. went into II lremont street In
,titute of Facial Manipulation and Tonsor
It ecol ation. and inquired for the pro
eSsor who occupied the chair of Medieval
shaving and NineteenthCentury ShamDoo
One OF the junior members of the faculty,
who was brushing an UNDERGRADUATE
coat. pointed me to Il chair, and climbed
IN. When the performance was about con-
rluded, the barber said to me:
Have your hair trimmed, sir?
! believe not.
Needs it very badly, sir, he said; looks
very ragged
| never argue with barber. l said :
All right trim it up a little, but don't make
it any shorter.
Immediately trimmed all the curl out of
it, and my hair naturally, you know. has
a very graceful curl to it. never discov-
cred this myself until few months ago.
and then | was very much surprised. l
discovered it by looking at my lithograph.
Well, anyhow, he trimmed it.
On the 9th OF December was at Bath,
Maine. Again | was shaved, and again
the barber implored me to let him trim
my hair. When answered him that it
had been trimmed only two days before,
he spitelully asked where it was done.
told him, and he gave expression to Il
burst of sarcastic laughter
Well, well, well. he said at last, so you
let them trim your hair in Boston. Well,
well. Now you look like man who has
been around the world enough TO know
better than that
Then he affected to examine lock or
two very particularly. and sighed heavily
Dear, dear. he said, don't know, really,
as could do anything with that hair or
not it's too bad.
Well his manner frig ghtened me, and l
not make it any shorter.
No, he said, oh no, it wasn't necessary
to cut it any shorter; it WAS really too
short now, but it did need trimming.
So he trimmed it, and when faced the
Rockland audience that night, l looked
like prize fighter.
In four days from that time was sit
ting in the chair of Il barber down in New
York State. He shaved me in grateful
silence, and then thoughtfully run his
fingers over my lonely hair.
Trim this hair little, sir? he said !;
straighten it up about the edges
| meekly told him | had it trimmed
twice during the preceding week, and
was afraid it WAS getting too short for
winter wear.
Yes, he said, he didn't know but what it
was pretty short, but you didn't need to
cut it any shorter TO trim it. 1t was in
very bad, ragged shape ut the ends
remained silent and obstinate, and he
asked me where | had it trimmed last.
told him, and he burst into Il shout of
laughter tn 1t made the windows rattle
What's the matter, jim? inquired an
assistant partner down the room, holding
his patient in the chair by the nose.
Jim stihed his laughter and replied:
This gentleman had his hair trimmed
down in Maine.
There was II general burst of merriment
all over the shop, and the apprentice laid
down the brush he was washing and came
over to look ut the Maine cut, that he
might never forget it | surrendered.
name Of humanity, don't cut it any short
er
4
it hair s breadth shorter.
When left that shop, if it hadn't been
for my ears, my hat would have fallen
clear down on my shoulders. When
reached the hotel, everybody started, and
II couple of men got up and read Il hand
bill on the wall, descriptive of n convict
who haG recently escaped from Sing Sing
and looked from the bill to myself very
intently. That night several of the audi
ence drew revolvers as came out on the
platform.
Then went 10 Amsterdam n. Y. The
barber of that sleepy village, who in the
interval of his other duties acts as mayor
of the town and edits he local papers, un-
dertook 10 shave me with piece Of hoop
iron he pulled ont of his bootleg. When
| resisted, he went out into the kitchen
and came back with kitchen knife and IA
can opener, and offered me my choice.
selected the can opener, and he began the
massacre, remarking incidcntly that he
used to keepa good sharp spoke shave for
his particular customers, but he had lost
it. Then he stid my hair needed trim
ming, very badly. protested that it was
impossible; it had been trimmed three
times within ten days, and was as short
now as business man on the 1St of
January.
Oh, he said, it wasn't too short, and be-
sides there wasn't no style about it at all.
He could give it some shape however, he
said, without making it any shorter.
So surrendered and told him TO shape
it up. And if that foredoomed, abandoned,
Amsterdam son of an oakum picker didn t
90 out into the woodshed and come back
with rusty old horse-r;sr and began to
file away what little hair had left. He
allowed few shreds and patches to re-
main, hc wever, clinging here and there to
my seal in ghostly loneliness. | rather
feared that my appearance that evening
would create II panic. but it did not, |
observed that the majority of the audience
had their heads shaped up after the same
manner, and were rather pleased with my
conformity TO the local custom and style.
Well, | got along to Cory, Pa, and
rushed in for II shave and got it, in one
time and two motions.
Hair trimmed, sir? the barber said.
| supposed he was speaking sarcastic
ally, and so laughed, but very feeby, for
| was getting to be little sensitive on the
object of my hair, or rather, my late hair
But he repeated his question,and said that
it needed trimming very badly. told
him that WAS what allied it, it had been
trimmed to death; why. said, my hair
had been trimmed five times during the
past thirteen days, and was afraid it
wouldn't last much longer.
Well, he said, it was hardly the thing
fora man Of my impressive appearance,
who would naturally attract attention the
moment entered d room Il have to stand
on my tiptoes and hold on with both hands
to look over the b OK of car seaO to 90
around with such head of hair, when he
could straighten it out for me in Il minute.
told HIM to 90 ahead, and closed my
eyes, and wondered what would come
next.
That fellow took pair of dentists
forceps and pulled evegy lock of hair |
had left.
There, he said proudly, now when your
hair grows out it will crow out even
was little dismayod at first when |
looked ut my glstening poll, but after all
it was relief TO know that the end was
reached, and noboly could torment me
again to have my hair trimmed for several
| weeks Rnt Whpn | crOt sha val nj A chto