River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-04-24
Wit and Hnm0r.
Gas makers get light pay.

Gas makers get hight pay.
A lost star: A sailor overheard
Do lions ever rest on their roars2
An upstart: Beginning to prosper.
A blamed fool: A censured noodle.
Never look gift mule in the hind
foot.
The hangman's business is dropping
off.
People OF settled convictions: Prison
ers.
Deuteronomy as you have Onomy deu-
ter you.
To make your color last-make your
shirts first.
A money order: Commanding re
mittance.
Taken i'll 1nvalids who sit for pho
tograph.
Does travelling orator deliver
rambling discourse2
When corner loafer dies in Tennessee
the papers say: Another old landmark
gone.
A stationary engine is common sight,
but did you ever see a rolling mill or
walking beams
A person who wears liver pad may
be supposed to have what The DutchmaD
calls pad liver.
The man who sighed for the wing of
dove probably did not know that the
legs were much better eating.
A Western lawyer Included in his bill
against his client: 40 waking up at
night and thinking about your case, s."
When the flower OF the family is out
on an evening racket it's bad case of
the night blooming serious.-Neu York
Nelos.
A country exchange, in speaking of an
accident to valuable horse, says that
the owner was obliged to shoot her to
save her life"
A competent authority says you must
lie with your feet to the equator. Eli
Perkins and c. Alfred Townsend will
please take notice of this.
Solomon was the first man to suggest
parting the hair in the middle. The sug-
gestion was made totwo women in fam
Gus lawsuit.-Neos York World.
A gentleman who was trying to think
of the word Universalist, but could not
get hold of If at the moment, exclaimed:
"Why, he is one of these desulphurizersW
Distinguished divine Ito recent con-
verO: eve propose to baptize you by
the Turkish bath method. 1t is really
the only way to scrub your years Of sin out
of you"
Let man pull straw out of hay
NOW at Leadyille TO pick his teeth With.
and tie first thing he hears is: "Say,
you thief, did you know hay was worth
5000 ton around heref'
"You are nothing but a demagogue,"
said tipsy fellow to Tom Marshall, who
promptly paid him back: Put wisp
of straw around you, aud you will be
nothing but a demijohn."
Now shut up your hens. Don't let
them out till they can be of service.
Wait till your neighbor has planted bis
garden, when they will be found excel
lent helps in bringing things to the sur
face.
"When do you intend TO go back,
Mixer" asked one exile of another. "If
| live till l doye, and God knows wheth-
er I will or not, / intend to visit ou.d
Ireland once more before lave this
country"
Keokuk Constitution: Mamma, is
Sahara a pastry cookf' asked little Con-
cert street girl this morning. Why do
you ask such question, my .child2" BE
cause | hear them talk Sc much at school
ABOUT Sahars's desert
A retired milkman sent his son to trav-
ell. telling him to take notes and write
home what he saw. He crossed a Span
ish river dry shod, and wrote: ut would
be impossible to carry on the milk bust
ness in this part of the country"
Although poet may speak in glowing
terms of laying the exequial coronet OF
hope on the platitudinal irmobility OF
the nightingale, yet, at the same time,
he is not totally bind to the silent virtues
of he five-cent mammoth sandwich.
| She leaned her fair, blonde head fond
Iv upon his shoulder, and after she had
| felt in his pocket TO see it he had new
silk handkerchief, she whispered: 'Will
YOU love me alwaysfr "Yes, always"
aWhat. alwaysf' swell almost always.
or course no woman ever did such q
thing, but supposing now tor the sake
or argument, as it we're, that woman
was TO go to church for the purpose of
showing of her new sacque. would it be
ssc-religious, so to speak, Boston 7'rar-
elIer.
'swhat is the right time to go to bedF
is a question under discussion by med
zeal association in Vermont. We have
very little medical knowledge, but We
should think wien ycu can't stand VI
any longer is about the proper time
HsscEsge.