The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-04-03
WHOLE NO. 1868.
Miscellaneous.

| Bring in your spring poems before the
fires are dispensed with.
Adam was the only man ever married
on his wedding Eve.
1t is hard to get ahead of time, but q
musician often beats it.
| ity. Never used tobacco in any form.
A happy mother of male twins enthu-
siastically refers to her treasures as her
sweet boy and boy"
California has decided that it will not
secede. That is a very good decision
for California.
The man who dreamt he dwelt in mar
BILE halls woke up to find that the bed:
clothes had tumbled off,
True worth, like the rose, will blush
at its own sweetness" Good Could
never understand before why our face
was so red.
True worth, like the rose, will blush
at its own sweetness. Good Could
never understand before why our face
was so red.
His name was Wrath, and when he
asked his girl to marry him she gave him
soft answer, and soft answer turned
away Wrath.
1--WE old maids" remarked Miss Stib.
bens, 'love cats because we have no hus.
bands, and cats are almost as treacherous
as men,"
A profound writer says, 1--WE are cre-
ated especially for one another" Then
why blame the cannibals in wanting to
get their share2
Let US all be merry; brighter days are
in store for US. A Philadelphia organ
grinder has been arrested.
The Hackensack Republican says:
Nowadays newspaper without q col.
umn of original paragraphs is like pipe
without tobacco.
Advice to husbands.-Settle as much
money upon your wife as you can, for
her second husband, poor fellow may
not have sixpence.
Little boy at the opening of the pro-
posed spelling match. Lets start fair,
grandmother. You take Nebuchad-
nezzar,' and I'll take cat"
"Well Dick" said Doctor to polite
man, whose wife he had been attending,
"how is your wife ?" "She's dead, I
thank you, Doctor"
Connecticut man recently said,
and 1 want to advertise that 1 am not
responsible for her debts"
my dear boy, never defer until to-
morrow what can be done to-day" Then,
mother" replied the urchin, lets eat the
plum-pudding to night
at Cohoes, N. Y. Thank heaven" said
the weeping father, "this boy will never
be champion pedestrian"
Mother" said a little square built
urchin, about five years old, why don't
the teacher make me monitor some
times | can lick every boy in my class,
but onel"
"Sally," said fellow to girl who had
red hair, keep away from me, or you
will set me afre." No danger of that"
was the answer, ''you are too green to
burn
When a man and his wife are out walk
ing, and see love of bonnet in show
window they are both of one mind. She
wants to buy it, and he wants togo by it,
too.
A naturalist claims to have discovered
crows, when in focks, have regularly
organized courts, in which they sit
around and try offenders-a sort of crow
bar.
The heading of an account in San
Francisco newspaper of mining acci-
dent, "One Man and Twelve Chinese
Killed" is an indication of the ruling
prejudice on the Pacific coast.
Mother is all the time telling me not
% bolt my food" said the small boy,
and now she has gone and bolted up the
cupboard that has got the company vic
uals."
There are too many women in the
world; sixty thousand more women than
nen in Massachusetts" growled the hus-
,and. That is the survival of the fit
est my dear" replied the wife.
An Irishman having purchased an
.larm clock, an acquaintance asked him
What he intended to do with it. "Oche,"
he, "sure I've nothing to do
ut pull the string and wake myself"
A little girl reading the History of
England" with her mother, and coming
o the statement that Henry l. never
aughed after the death of his son, looked
Ip and asked, What did he do when he
7as tickledP'
A little girl was asked by her mother,
n her return from church, how she
liked the preacher. Didn't like him at
H." was the reply. why ?" asked her
mother. cause he preached till he
nade me sleepy, and then hollered so
oud he wouldn't let me 60 to sleep"
After the recent wholesale flogging of
'oys at the Minot School, Neponset,
10Y who was one of the victims was
Questioned as to the severity of the pun
shment. Did he whip any of them SO
8 to leave them black and blue ?" was
sked. NO." replied the boy, but he
made some of them yelloh I"
"Boy," said the man, holding an in
inverted match in one hand and a dark
gar in the other, never acquire the
,ernicious habit of smoking. / am q
lave to it now, and yet hate it. never
zee a cigar that l do not want to burn
lp." And then, with extreme satisfac-
ion, he burned up the one he had in his
hand.
There was an exhibition of tableaux in
Fond du Lac, Wis, and the small boy
vas present. A scene was presented
TIE Execution of Mary Queen of Scots:
Mary kneeling her head on the block;
The executioner standing with uplifted
,x poised for the death blow, amid breath
less silence. Suddenly, in a loud whisper,
he small boy exclaimed: PA why don't