The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1879-01-02
wit ana Hunor.


DAY by day man is cut down and pass
9th away, and at Easter eggs dye.
TIE song of the Limburger cheese
manifold your nose, for am coming.
A BIRD in the hand, if it is good
sized spring chicken, is now worth about
. dollar.
A MARRIED couple are one until they
jointly attack somebody else. Then it is
two against one.
IT is dangerous to light match in
Washington while Congress is in session.
Too much gas there.
CHICAGO furnishes 100000 drinks of
whisky day. What city to organize
Tammany society in.
In Philadelphia, to make julep, all
that is needed is the liquor. The mint
we have always with US.
WE nominate DR.. Mary Walker for
Doorkeeper of the House. She's the gal
that doesn't allow smoking.
AN eminent medical authority states
that hydrophobia can be caught from
cats. From cats you can also catch feas.
"WHAT's the matter with your eye,
Tommy2' "Oh! it's only been going
through an operation at the hands of a
knockulist; that's ALL"
SWELL, swan, Billy" said an old far
mer to an understood nephew who was
visiting him, "when you take off that
ere plug hat and spit two or three times
there amt much left of you, is thu"
SsVo,, ,ho,lJ ,ox l.. .,& 1.xr ~ v;~.hx y,
said father to his son; might air is very
unwholesome." The son replied: "Do
you think so, fathera Then how do you
account for the longevity of the owl and
the BATH"
IT must have been an American school
where the mistress told one of the big
girls to "decline love-" The big girl
simperingly replied, "Decline love, Miss
Jonesf Not me; I'd vs. soon think of de-
clining marriageI'
A POLITICAL speaker accused rival of
OBJECTIONABLE meanness aud scoundrel-
ISM" and then rising to the occasion,
said: II warn him not to persist in his
disgraceful course, or he'll find that too
Of u can play at that gamer
A NAN in Georgia lost large number
of chickens the day before neighbor
gave great dinner party to which he
was not invited. "You see," he said,
'he was afraid to have me there lest my
chickens should cackle on seeing me-"
"WHY," asked teacher in Sunday
school, ibid Solomon tell the sluggard
to 20 to the anti" "Because," said 49,
year-old boy, "he knew that his aunt
would have him at the woodpile or in the
onion bed every afternoon as soon as
school was out"
HE wos koind master, he was. He
thought Of me aforc he died, and in his
will be said: 4 leave to my son William
both them sheep wot was lost last week,
If they gets found, and in case they dosn't,
leave 'em to my faithful servant Joseph.
hopes they won't get found."'
WE SHOULD THINK So.-Young Jones
(who has been giving his fathers new
brougham horse little exercise before
the days work.: "She don't make bad
saddle.horse, Steward, but she's got q
beastly habit of lighting on her knees af-
ter every fence-instead of her feet"
A YOUNG apprentice to the shoe
business asked his master what answer
he should give to the often-repested
question, "DOes your master warrant his
shoesf ANSWER, Thomas" said the mas
ter, 'that warrant them to prove good,
and if they don't I'll make them good for
nothing"
"LARRY, my wife and have both no.
ticed that the townspeople stare very
hard. hope you haven't been telling
anybody that we are newly marriedi"-
me tell 'em, sort Is it likely I'd 60
agin my express ordersf Why, whinever
anybody thryed to pump me, sor, tculd
'em you wasn't married ct ALL"
SAID . company of young men from
the city to an old farmer: why did you
tell 10 there WAS good hunting in your
woodsi We've been tramping through
them for hours without seeing sign Of
any game" "Well," said the old man,
with wink, II suppose the less game
there 10 the more huntin' there'll be-"
WHEN the late Bishop of Oxford was
travelling eastward to attend the Church
Congress at Norwich, lady sitting op-
posits to him commented In flattering
terms on the eloquence and ability Of the
great Anglican divine quite unconscious
that she was addressing him. "But why,
cir" she added, do people call him
6oapy SAINT" well, madam" replied
the Bishop, n suppose Il ID because be
he's always been in good deal Of bot