St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-10-24
Squibs.

"Whom can we trust qn is the black
type inquiry of an exchange. 1t is OF
no consequence. "WbOm can we in
duce to trust us 2" is the soul agOnizer.
| New Haven Register.
A correspondent asks: GLOW long
can bottled cider be kept9 ?" That de-
ponds upon circumstances. If you put
it in safe, lock it up, and sling the
key into the river you can keep it for
some time, but you won't get much fun
out of it. Boston Post.
The worst thing about a mosquito is
its long sOliloquy as to where 1t is go
ing to settle down and bite New Ha-
ven Register.
A Miss Gush was elected school su-
perintendent in Mono county last Tues
day, on Wednesday appointed male
deputy, and on Thursday married him.
This shows how mean women can be
when they have the advantage of a
man.-TNew York World.
A party of Boston ladies who were
spending the summer in little town
not far from the White mountains at
tended fair which was held by the la
dies of one of the churches. Wishing
to appear properly interested one of the
visitors asked the manager what the
proceeds were to be devoted to. "Well, !"
was the hesitating reply, 1--WE amt just
certain whether we'll buy an ice cream
freezer or a hearse."
'fFullness under the eye denotes
language" we are told. So it does,
and, we fear, bad language, too, at
times. In a recent instance, fullness
under the eye denoted that the posses
sor had called a man .-[Stamford
Advocate.
1t is believed by the New York Com
mercial that Ben Buffers election as
governor of Massachusetts would be a
union of beauty and the beast and the
General declares for his part that who
ever calls Massachusetts Il beast is no
gentleman. Buffalo Express.
1 never had a man come to me for
advice but before he got thru he had
more advice to offer than to ask for.
-[JOsh Billings.
Small boy to his maternal relative
"Mama, should think if was made of
dust, would get muddy inside when
drink"
A counterfeit quarter-dollaI is circu-
lating. 1t lacks, however, but little of
value, containing over 80 per cent. of
silver. The only defect about the piece
is the words, ain God we trust."- FL
mira Advertiser.
The Utes evidently read the New
York Sun, and have taken its advice to
cut down the army to 10000 men. And
while they are about it, they think they
might as well make the Sun doubly
happy by cutting it down to 5000 men.
At least it looks that way Norris
town Herald.
They were standing on the corner of
Milk street at twelve O'Clock, when the
sound of steam whistle from a neigh
boring manufacturing establishment
pierced their ears. "That is public
nuisance, Mr.. Spicer," said one. NO."
replied the other, 'It's private toot-
err" and then the first man whistled.
Il Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The average schoolboy thinks his ed
ucation neglected if he is not posted on
the early history of pedestIianism. The
librarian of our public library has had
her patience greatly taxed of late by
the frequent calls from enthusiastic
youngsters for ''The Prehistoric Races"
in anticipation of finding "the true in
wardness" of walking Matches Nor
folk County Gazette.
A man out west has sued a newspa-
per for libel because it said he killed a
man. The newspaper wants to com
promise, and advises him to make the
report true by killing somebody. He
has accepted the advice and is hunting
around for the editor.
A colored man appeared before a
magistrate. charged with some trivial
offence. The latter said to the man {:
you can go now; but let me warn
you never to appear here again." The
man replied with broad grin: 81
wouldn't be here dis time, only de con-
stable fotch me-"
''Do you know" remarked rather
fast youth the other day to suffering
friend to whom he was slightly indebt-
ed-.'do you know that l intend to
marry and settle down ~ 81 do-don't
know anything about it," was the re-
ply, "but-but think you had b-b-bet-
ter stay single and settle up"
Old Mr.. Hazlett of Oregon thought
he was gong to die, and in order that
his heirs should have nothing to quar-
rel over he burned $22, 900 in green
backs. He didn't die, after all, and
now when the heirs see him saving
wood to earn his bread they naturally
feel that they are ahead of him.
He was disappointed at not receiving
a letter from his native wilds, and he
said to the post office clerk: ''LOOk
here, mister; this makes three times
I've come here for that 'ere letter, and
my patience is givin' out. If that dOcky-
ment amt forthcOmin' by to-morrer, by
gosh, I'll start an opposition post office
and Spite yer trade! Y'hear me 2" And
he knocked his hat over his left eye
and strobe into the wide, wide world.
A little Cincinnati boy, four years
old, taken into the country for the first
time, was astonished at everything
particularly at finding blackberries
''tied onto sticks out DOORS" as he ex-
pressed it. In pasture he saw COWS
reclining in the shade, chewing theil
cuds. After observing them for a time
have nothing to do but lay around un.
uei Ine trees anu CHEW gum II oaCur'
day Night.
He is a very small boy, just beyond
the limits of babyhood. His preco
ciousness is we'll recognized by those
who know him, and sometimes people
try to corner him in logical way
The other day some one took him W
and asked him if he was papa's boy
He answered, eyes," "And are yor
mammals boy, too ?" Eyes," replied
Charlie. "Well. how can Won he nana'