The Portland daily press., 1879-05-22
Strippings.
What the Funny Men Give Down.
NOT IN THE BIBLE.

NOT IN THE
A resident on Brush street who had horse
to sell was directed to a citizen on Ninth ave-
nue. who wanted to buy, and after a little talk
the two made trade. The Ninth avenue
man give an old horse and S2S in cash
for the other, and everything seemed to be
satisfactory. In day or two, however, the
Brush street man returned and said
"You and made trade the other day?''
eyes," replied the other.
"You are a member of the church under
stand?''
81 am"
"Well, that horse you traded with me has
SPAWN, and you never said word about it,
What sort of trickery is this for Christian
man to engage imp
The other entered the house without q
word, but after minute reappeared with the
family Bible and said:
Mr.. Blank, here is my guide and consola-
ton. l have read this book through and
through, and if you will take it and find where
Christian man is required to point out spav-
ins in a horse trade III buy you better horse
than you ever ownedr'
The Brush street man went home with new
thoughts in his head, and he has said no more
about the exchange ge.-Detroit Free Press.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF WESTERN MULES.
Two miners were seated on a bowlder along
side the road to Sutro, says the Virginia
City Chronicle, discussing the kicking powers
of the mules. One had Just returned from
Sutro, and the other was on the way there,
and having met near the rock they sat down to
for a talk.
"Have you quit over there?" said the one
who was eastward bound,
"Why?"
'Mules"
'Fraid of 'em?''
"You bet 1 saw ne Yesterday along
side an old boiler kickin' off the riyet-heads
one by one, never missed one. / was Just go
ing ON shift, and when 1 saw the mule and
heard there was nIUre vf cn inside, L threw
up my job. I've got wife and three children
depending on me, and 1 don't take no
chances"
"The worst mule ever saw" said the other,
was in Phoebe some years ago. 1t was one
owned. One day it rubbed against some nails
sticking out of post, and it turned round and
drove them nails one by one, using single
blow of the hoof, with the iron shoe on, for
each nail. 1t never missed its kick, and al
ways drove 'em just in to the head. Then it
saw a few tacks on the post a little lower
down, which were only half driven in, and it
drove them in, too, with light taps Of the hoof,
Just as gentle and easy as could be. One day
man came along and set out can of nitro
glycerine and giant powder. He wanted to
get the mule to kick it and get killed. l saw
him about the corral with the can, and knew
what was up. At first was going to stop him,
but then thought if my mule was any kind of
mule at all he would take care OF himself.
so just watch he'd Well, the mule saw the
can and walked up, smelt of it, and then
squared himself for the kick. The man was
sneaking off, and just as the mule was going
to kick the can, he caught sight of the fel-
low and changed his position so that his tail
was toward the man. He let fly his right
hoof: The can went flying through the air
and hit the man square between the shoulders
| just as he was gettin' over a fence about
hundred feet away. The thing exploded and
never saw the man again. But next morn
ing Pat Holland came out in the Record and
said that the town had been visited by a show
er of blood"
THE TRIALS OF AN ARg CRITIC.
'Your charge against Mr.. Barker, the artist
here" said the magistrate sis assault and bat
terry, 1 believer"
"Yes, sir.''
"And your name is"
''Potts. 1 am art critic of the Weekly Spy"
estate your case''
81 called at Mr.. Barkers studio upon his in
vitation to see his great picture, just finished,
of George Washington cutting down the cher
| ry tree with his hatchet.' Mr.. Barker was ex-
pecting to sell it to Congress for $4,000. He
asked me what 1 thought of it, and after
pointed out his mistake in making the handle
| of the hatchet twice as thick as the tree, and
| in turning the head of the hatchet around so
| that George was cutting the tree down with
the ham mer end, asked him why he fore
shortened Georges leg so as to make it look as
if his left foot was on the mountain on the 9TH
er side of the river"
''Did Mr.. Barker take it kindly?' asked the
justice.
"Well, he looked little glum; that's ALL
Aud fhaY, ,xr-l,a, ha
guinea pig up in the tree, and why he painted
the guinea pig with horns, he said that it was
| not guinea pig, but a COW, and that it was
| not in the tree, but in the background. Then
l said that if 1 had been painting George
Washington should not have given him the
| complexion of a salmon brick; | should not
| have given him two thumbs on each hand, and
| l should have tried not to slew his right eve
around so that he could see around the back of
his head to his left ear, And Barker said ooh
wouldn't you?' Sarcastic, your honor. And /
| said, no, wouldn't, and l wouldn't have
| painted oak leaves on cherry tree, and
wouldn't have left the spectator in doubt as to
whether the figure off by the woods was fac
\ tory chimney, or a steamboat or George Wash
| lngton's father taking smoke"
| (which was it?" asked the magistrate.
| 81 don't know. Nobody will ever know, So
| Barker asked me what Thought ned better
| do. And told him thought his best chance
| was to abandon the Washington idea and fix
I the thing up somehow like the boy who stood on
| the burning deck L told him he might paint
the grass red to represent the flames, and daub
over the tree SOS it would look like the mast,
| and pull Georges foot to this side of the river
SOS it would rest somewhere on the burning
deck; and maybe he might reconstruct that
factory chimney, or whatever it was, and make
it the captain, while he could arrange the guin.
ca pig to do for the captains dog
''Did he agree?"
''He said the idea didn't strike him. So then
suggested that he might turn it into Column
bus discovering America. Let George stand