The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-11-15
NUMBER 5.
PASSING SMILES.

TOE Jam makes the smallest 1oot an
acher.
THERE is miser in this place who
will not even give a man advice.
A FELLOW can never get intoxicated
on being treated with IMMUNITY.
ORPHAN people should be educated
at the University of Pa.
"AH," said deaf man who had a
Seeding wife, "man wants but little
hare below"
THE young lady who was proposed to
by a fire-eater now says she had burnt
offering. 9.
THE hornet q unlike the flea in at
least one point-if you put your finger
on him you are sure he is there.
If it wasn't for the weather there
never would be any variety in some
peoples conversation.
"GoNE, but not for cotton" said the
darkey when the thief ran away with his
wooden overcoat.
MANS inhumanity to man makes
countless thousands pay fifteen cents a
drink for five cent whisky, ass
WHEN man is kissing a girl he
should have dry clergy lyman preaching
70 him in order to make the sensation
seem longer, 3I "a s4aarBsa4z
WHISKY puts ON some of the colors
we see in autumn leaves but who ever
heard of admiring young ladies doing
red noses in wax work? H#ans
Miss l.; "The young man you
inquire about is all right. He has been
subscriber for our great moral family
journal for over year. Trust him."
WE caaAon timorous, fastidious 10, :
dies against going into the forests With
out fan to hold up before their eyes
The trees are making reckless ex-
posture of their bare limbs. 80
in the coming race for the matriuio-
NAL prize, the family flower that makes
the best bread can sit down winner on
any lap she chooses. York People.
You doughnut say so. o97
THERE seems to be hope that a long
suffering public will obtain relief at last.
Captain Boyton contemplates taking q
.Wim down the Yellowstone, and nobody
ever came through that river alive. M
SHAKESPEARE never repeated There
was II gifted little boy in Kentucky
last week who resembled the immortal
bard in this important particular. He
thoughtlessly twisted mules tail.
A YOUNG woman down town says she
didn't like to kiss her sweetheart with
the soft new mustache, because it made
her feel 80 down in the mouth.-,Ste"-
benpiEie Herald
THE campaign club that can't locate
its headquarters in or near beer sa-
loon is in hard luck. The most of them
are lucky. Politics are good deal like
beer anyhow-half Of the enthusiasm
is foam--M Y. People.
WHEN freedom from her mountain
height unfurled her standard in the air."
she little thought that the time would
come when the cheeky agent of " Boggs'
Sure Cure for Corns," would also puff
his nostrums there.
IT may appear remarkable, but Cay
enne pepper, one of the hottest of things,
is excellent to make ice water. If you
don't believe this, throw a handful in
somebody's face, and watch the eyes
water. aHAsH ca3
WHEN dog snaps at fly that has
been foolng around him for four or five
hours and misses it, he feels Just like b
girl who pours the full tide of her affec.
lions over young man and suddeni,
Discovers that it won't soak in.
ONE month in the school of affllction
is big lesson, but if you want to make
a man feel mean enough to chaw door
knobs off, lock him up for two days as q
witness in an assault and battery case
that he don't know anything about.
-
yard fence and sees and hears the howl
ing wilderness of noisy children, he be-
GIGS to wonder if there isn't mistake in
the bible when it says, "For of such is
the kin. dom of heaven."- SteubenviNe
Hera d. a gF "a III.
HE following grave remark is cred
tied to Cape Cod sexton. Itwas an ex-
ceptionally fine day in September when
the fashioner of final resting-places said
with sigh of regret: "This would be a
lovely day fur bcrrien--ef there wur
anybody to be berried " 81
THERE'S an article going the rounds
under the title How TO avoid bad but
ter" We should say good way. to do
it would be not to go near the blamed
old goat, and if he comes near you, climb
over the fence and slip up the back
A CHURCH member got tipsy the other
day and in that condition was met by
his pastor. Being sternly rebuked for
his conduct he excused himself in this
wise: You know, parson, that for more
than twenty years rve served the1.ord
faithfully and well, and SO | thought ]
might as well take a day off,
THERE is twentv-year-old youngster
living on B street, who never fails in an-
swering any question pus to him. The
other day his father tried to stump !
him with this problem: " My son, sup
pose you had kitchen in the northwest
corner OF your house and stable in the
southeast corner of your yard, so that
when the wind blew from the northwest
there would be a strong smell of corned
beef and cabbage in the house and when
the wind came from the southest there
was strong horse odor about the prem
Uses, how would you act to prevent the
corned beef odor from permsating the
tablet" Why" replied the lad, I'd
keep my horses in the kitchen and ccok
my corned beef in the stable" 1888