The Osceola times., 1879-05-24
FACTS AND FANClES.

AN auctioneer Is man OF more-bid
faster.
A FELoN on the thumb i, worse than
two in the penitentiary.
GREEN TURTLES Those that allow
themselves to be caught.
LAST words OF the czar to date:
"Why, see here still live"
A LITTLE knowledge may be danger
Gus, but little widow is more &C..
MONEY that bank officers get away
with is charged to running expenses.
The weather has been pretty rough
on spring chickens, and they show it
The success, of church choir singer
is, after all, largely matter OF chants.
AT last accounts the Chilian army
had the Bolivian army down and was
sitting on him.
AN Irish sailor visited city, where,
he said, they copper-bottomed the tops
of the houses with sheet lead.
WAGNER, the composer, Is reporte d
hopelessly insane, and no wonder. He
has probably heard more OF Wsguer's
music than any man living.
The Scotch preachers illustration Of
a miracle is said still to have considerable
force. at would be miracle" he re-
marked, "if coo were to fly up tree
and whistle like mavis."
IT is now said by scientific authority
that sleep commences in the feet and
extends TO the head. Possibly the Gus.
tom OF sitting with the feet toward the
pulpit may have something to do with 1t.
Miss BoNcGUR,( who has been reading
to her Sunday y-school class): $50 you
see, children, the good man Aaron swal-
lowed up all the other rods" Tommy
with heartfelt sigh; sc )rry, dsn't
wish dads old ticker had been there"
AN Irish gentleman the other day re.
ceived letter the address of which he
could not decipher Handing it to his
clerk, he said, in all innocence "Send
that back to the man and tell him TO
write his name 80 that we can read it."
IAGo was an undertaken, for did he
not induce R,derigo to attempt Cassio's
lite, and then say:
| Nov, whether he kills Casio,
Or Casio him. or each do kill the 9th r.
Every way makes my gain
AFTER the manner of Walt Whitman:
+" 0 label chairi o big chairt o little ehairi
q three iesg,d stooll towel, basin and pewter
| mu
and the coal Of the eosl-,cutiie....and
| particiluly the house-m aid VINO empties
| the coal-seutle on the fire."
AN Irishman adorned with a blue
ribbon went into an apothecary shop
and said to the clerk, II ye plazs, sir,
I'm a temperance man, but II ye have
any soda water OF the strength and
quslity of whiskey I'll trouble You for u
little"
SCENE (group OF medical students aui-
matedly discussing the difficulties OF
diagnosis): Young doctor attached 10
the service OF a hospital a. am never
at fault. | discover the nature OF the
complaints of all my patients, without
exception" After the autopsy" mur'
INJURED an old college companion who
knew him we'll.
ouorH wise man to youth one day;
Iell me your 1im in life prayl"
a mi shty general Id oe."
Replied the youth anbit ouslJ.
Then quoih the stripping to the sage;
Tell me your ain 10 od age.
Then said the "a se, a little tired,
"Aimf Oh I nave no ain, I've hrei."
ONE Of the school directors Of San
Francisco lately celebrated bis .olden
wedding One of the morning paper,
in describing the gifts presented on the
occasion made particular mention OF an
elegant set OF spoons aud forks o. solid
gold, accompanied by testimonial from
four hundred tesciers and scholars eigh
teen feet long.
WHERE to strike an attacking dog
is thus told by Land and Water: '.Whel
you have the good fortune 70 be srme.
with shillelsh, do not, Gays Genera
Hutchinson, hit him across the he4 an
eyes bear in mind that the front part O
his iorelegs Is q far more vulnessb an
sensitive spot One OF twa esll pplle'
/. blows upon that unpsQ1lood pree VII
generally disable tA6l oaeeut deEs