The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-08-08
VOL. XXIII----NO. 81.
VARIETIES.

Banged hair has downward tendency,
but there is nothing shy and retiring about
it.
If a man wants to know ofhow little i'm
portance he is, let him go with his wife to the
dressmakcr's.
Have you ever thought how exceedingly
kind it is of the average murderer to forgive
| everybody before he is swung off?
-Grandma.-"Yes, children, when was
young as you are, used to walk in my sleep"
Tommy (eagerly).-"Say, gram'ma, what time
did you maker"
All the axes and buck saws found in the
ruins of Pompei are of light make, as if con-
structed for womans use. Those old ancients
knew their little business.
will you take someding ?" said German
tectotaller to friend, while standing near a
tavern. Il don't care if do" was the reply
"Vell, den, let us take Walk"
Down in Georgia, says the Louisville
Courier Journal, they are in favor of remov-
ing tax on qunine and putting it on dogs
changing the duty on bark as it were.
Says sententious writer: "They are
never alone that are accompanied with noble
thoughts" Wonder if he is the party that
went of accompanied with our Shakespeare
The Arkansas Traveller has invented a
bottle with cork at both ends. Now if
somebody will invent drunk that will be
pleasant at both ends, Arkansas will probab-
ly be happy.
"A talented Eastern surgeon has ruined
all his hopes of popularity by the declaration
that exercise over wasl-tub is just as bene-
fetal to woman's health as horse back rid
ing, and far cheaper.
"A very charitable man and nobody's fool
was he who used to say, when he heard any
one being loudly condemned for some fault:
"Ah, well, yes, it seems very bad to me because
that's not my way of SHINING"
-Kankakee, Ind, has justice who beats
them all in the way of doing up job of mat
rimonial splicing with neatness and dispatch
This is the formula: "Have 7" Eyes"
"Havc imp" "Yes" married, &c."
The season is at hand, says the Boston
Courier, when whole family will carry their
dinner three or four miles into the woods,
and sit down among the bugs and ants and
snakes to eat it. They call it pic mic.
The clergyman in certain town, as the
custom is, having published the banns ofmat-
rimony between two persons, was followed by
the clerks reading the hymn beginning with
these words "Deluded souls, that dream of
hcavenw
Astronomy vs. Julius"
said Brooklyn gentleman to his colored ser
want, don't you enjoy the astronomical phe-
nomena these fine evenings" Dunno, sah,"
responded the darkey, ''mush-melons are my
fivorite fruit"
-Photographer-"Yo don't appear pleas
ed with pictures, sir" Sitter-"No, Pm
not; they look like the very Old Nick
Photographer-'Why, sir, / thought they
We're a remarkably good likeness" Sitter
-"Blast it, yes, that is just what's the trou-
BILE"
There is an old proverb that says, Don't
cross the bridge till you come to it," A re-
cent writer has put the same thought in other
words. "IIow much pain" lie says, 1.-The
evils have cost us that have never happened"
Perhaps one-thrl of the troubles of life, if
not more, may be thus accounted for The
Scriptures give the same warning. In the
Sermon on the Mount we are told to take
no thought of the morrow; for we know not
what day may bring forth" This does not
imply that we should never think of the flu
turc at all, that weshould be improvident and
careless as some fanatical sects have intcrpre-
ted it. Take no thought of the morrow" is
an old English expression meaning "do not
WORRY about the morrow"