The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1879-08-15

SIFTINGS.

the bold hunter on the mountain top "aho
let me get a pop At you.o
They are equally disastrous: A col
liery explosion 10 the minersand cholera
explosion to the minors
There IS not q drop Of water in the
moon. This explains why the wicked
man who fshed on Sunday was banished
to that dusty orb.
During a recent dedication at Kingston
the Marquis of Lorne planted a Scotch
birch sproat. He was moved by recollec.
tions Of his boyhood.
A young man down town returned
home SO frequently with :: brick IN his hal
that his anxious parents have thought it
best to order him stoyepipe.
The expenses Of getting decently bur
led are such that really there is very little
pleasure in dying at all unless you are in
comfortable circumstances.
The grave legal question is likely to
arise between now and October as to how
We are going to fxthiEgs TO marshal the
voters up to the polls on election day.
Robert Ives, an American playing in
"Pinafore' at Bath, England, has been
drowned. An American tar should
avoid venturing in foreign Bath.
Hayti has the yellow fever, but in com.
pensation for this she has the blessed
privilege Of firing upon her Senate when
dissatisfied with its action.
It is reported that Mr. Barnum, of
Connecticut, has been invited by Mr.. Til.
den to assemble a "Happy (political)
Family" for his circus next year.
| A Chicago man has published a book
telling how to be plump at pleasure.
You don't need book to tell how to be
plump. All that is requisite is to get fat.
| The new blasting apparatus is COM
posed Of one mother-in-law, one-but no
matter-that will answer for experiment.
al purposes without the other ingredients
President Hayes viii remain in Wash.
ington during the present summer for the
purpose Of repairing the fences that have
been pretty badly sat down on by the
| late Congress.
Some Factions person inquiries if spirits
ever get drunk. If they dc not, in the
name Of common sense what becomes Of
al the spirits distilled and taxed by the
Government, to say nothing about. the
crooked article they make at Peoria
Down in the Indiana swamp districts
when they read that the duty had been
removed from quinine they gazed smil-
ingly into each others eyes through tears
of gladness, cordially extended their
trembling digits and exclaimed: "Shake!"
Philadelphia is agitated over the sub
ject Of serving ice on Sunday, the city
author ties having prohibited the dealers
from delivering to customers on that day.
This may be an ice arrangement for
Philadelphia, but it would not be thought
nice out here.
The last words Of William T. Marshall,
who committed suicide at Grand Rapids,
Michigan, were : "MY impression is that
when man leaves this world his goose
is cooked This language leaves q dis
agreeable impression, for it requires an
exceedingly hot fire to cook goose.
Richard Grant White reports English
Grammar as dead. We knew that a
number Of Members Of Congress had
been trying to murder it. Now let them
hang on sour apple tree-unless they
put in plea of insanity, in which case
send them to Congress for life.
One of the luxuries of the late Khe1ive
was that he could 60 out 10 the Cairo
markets before breakfast and lay in a
supply Of plump and toothsome wives for
the day, or at a pinch, order in supply
for week. This custom does not suit
the views Of his successor, the present
Khedive, who is doubtless appalled, at the
idea Of string Of mothers-in-law stretch
ing out to the crack Of doom. He there
fore prudentlY confines himself to one
WIFE
Add to the power Of discovering truth,
the desire Of using It for the promotion Of
human happiness, and you have the OBJ
ject Of our existance. This is the i'm
maeulate model Of excellence that every
human being should fix in the chamber
Of his heart which he should place N
his minds eye from the rising to the set
ting Of the sun 10 strengthen his under
standing, that he may direct his beneyo-
lence, and to exhibit to the Werld the
most beautiful spectacle the world can
behold -comsumate virtue guided by con
summate talents.
Mr.. Burdette, the humorist Of the Bur
lington Hoaokeye, thus compares The rela
tive merits Of the Eastern and Western
Revolutionary relics Z remember n
1876, when we had the great Centennial
tea.party At Burlington, that saw more
Revolutionary relics in Union Hall than
( have seen Ii all New England, and