Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1879-11-05

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Perpetual motion-A barber's jaw.
of absorbing Interest," sponge.
A pretty girl has right to bare
arms.
is the electric light enough to
float?
Flour is rising. All good -four
should rise.
The outlook in Washington-The
Observatory.
"A bird on the hat is worth two in
the millinery store.
The man who finds pocketbook
with cash in it doesn't look at q paper
for three weeks.
Painted belts are to be worn di-
rectly; SO that most ladies will have
to be labelled Look out for paint"
Bergen Tunnel would be good
place for the next walking match-the
trains must be kept running, however.
He said he wanted her to be his
helpmeet, and she replied that she
could never be more than assister to
him.
The ordinary life of locomotive
is thirty years. No doubt it would
live much longer if it didn't smoke SO
much.
"A gun that misses fire when the
owner knows it is loaded is waiting to
surprise some small member of the
family.
"A man may be induced to give up
every other right, but the right to find
fault he will never yield except with
his life.
The English say that man in
swallow-tail coat looks like gentle
man when you do not mistake him for
awaiter.
-"They fred two shots at him" !"
wrote an Irish reporter. "The first
shot killed him, but the second shot
was not fatal"
There is man in Illinois named
/. Kister, and every.time he attaches
his signature to anything he gives
himself dead away.
The world owes US all living,
but the only way we can collect the
debt is to pull off our coats and take it
out of the worlds hide.
-"How old is the world ?" is not a
question of half the vital human inter-
est to most men as to know the age of
the whisky they drink.
"A generous restaurant keeper dis
plays a sign Of "Free Chops" and
when the old loafers come around he
shows them an ak and a wood-pile
The barber's razor took hold of
his beard with vengeance, when he
looked up and said, apologetically, my
dear sir | came in to get shaved, not
to get tooth pulled"
No clergyman should give cer-
'tifcate that any particular brand Of
patent medicine has cured him of dis
ease which he did not have, however
agreeable may be the taste of the med
icine.
A teacher defined conscience as
something within you that tells you
when you have done wrong" II had
it once" spoke up young tow-head
of six summers, ''but they had to send
for the DOCTOR"
When the country editor wishes
to get up big sale for his paper he
sends through an Office presided over
by woman, postal card, to cor
respondent, on which is written Send
me full account of th.4t scandal.
1t being claimed by one of the
sterner sex that man was made first
and lord of creation, the question was
asked by an indignant beauty how
long he remained lord of creation.
"Until he got wife," was the reply.
"A new song is called, "Oh, Stay
With Me, My Darling" But the
young man looked at the clock and
said he must get home in time for
breakfast, and he had over half mile
to drive. Then he bit her on the lip
and left.
-Ebenezer Stone and his wife
Flora, out in Illinois, were divorced
not long ago, but afterward they came
to an understanding, were remarked,
and are now happy together. 1t was
case of Eb and Flo, it would seem !;
at any rate they are tide now.
Three short years ago they were
married, and he loved she and she
loved he for all they were individually
and collectively worth. They couldn't
do enough for each other The other
night she called him darned old fool,
and he was heard to remark to her
that "if she didn't get over on her own
piller he'd break her jaw"
1t seems as if the old folks would
never learn to understand boy. They
can't seem to comprehend why lie
should be SO unanimous in regard to
getting up at four o'clock in the morn
ing to take part in a fishing or hunting
excursion while it requires the expen-
diture of three tons of energy to get
him out of bed at seven o'clock when