The Newtown bee., 1879-08-20
Curing a Telltale.


 A late reverend luminary of Edinburgh, all English paper tells us as famed for his claret-drinking powers as for his great abilities, had a crony of the name of II. with whom he was fond of spend ing the whole night in Q conviyiel tete-a- tete. Ills constant apology to his wife, on returning home from these drunken bouts, was that he chad been with that good, holy man, Dr." The lady made no secret to her friends of the eXcesses into which her husband was led by the reverend gentleman, and the clrcum- stances coming to the ears of the doctor he resolved to take Q pleasant revenge on II. for the scandal The next time they were seated at tavern over bottle of elaret, with the intention of sitting it out as usual, the doctor preteHded, all of a sudden, to recollect some business of an official nature, which he must go about immediately.
 "Howevor, said he, ''it won't detain me long, so do you remain here till re- turn, in the meantime repleni5h your glass and stir up the fire 3
 Away went the doctor, not, however about any official business, but directly to the house of MT. H.
 "Is Mr H. at,home?'
 "No sir"
 "Is Mrs. II at home?"
 "Yes, sir"
 "Dr. D--'s compliments, and he would be happy to wait upon her."
 The doctor was immediately ushered into the presence of the lady, who re- .ceived him with degree of constrained politeness the meaning of which he was at no loss to comprehend,
 50, madam" said the doctor, 'sIr. H. I find, is not home"
 "No, doctor; but now that you are here, I'll answer for it he'll soon be at home soon enough
 "Well, madam" replied the doctor, aR- fecting not to feel the point of her obser- vation, "it is a long time since I have seen Mr. H., and as l want very much to speak with him about matter of im- portancC, 1 shall wait little"
 From the seriousness with which this was said, the lady began to suspect that her husband must have been taking some liberties with the doctors name, in his drunken apologies, and, in kindlier tone she invited the doctor to stay to supper, hy which time she hoped and trusted, and had no doubt Mr. H-wt uld return home. Nothing, the doctor said, would give him more pleasure, for luck fly he had an hour to spare that night, which, so many were his vacations, was but rarely the case. Supper time came, but still no Mr. H appeared. His good lady could not imagine what had be- come of him; the doctor suggested a hundred friendly apologies. The hour of eleven at length arriving, later than which, as the doctor gravely affirmed, he never stayed from home, he rose to de- part, begging Mrs. H. to inform her hpsband how anxious he was to see him, and how long he had waited for him.
 The doctor now hastened back to tho tavern, made many excuses to H. for leaving him so long alone, and, to make up for the lost time piled the bottle so hard that ere daybreak he sent the bab- bier home more fuddled than he had ever parted with him before.
 "Where have you been, you drunken sot?" exclaimed his offended wife.
 H. hicoughed out as usual:
 "Where-where have I been? Why, don't you know, my love2 With that good, holy man, Dr."
 'Oh, flel fie Mir. H-p' rejoined the honest woman, ''how dare you make such use O that godly mans name? Wi you, indeed? Ma, ma, gudeman, nor wi ony like you That story i'll no do ony langer; I've fand you out at last, sir. The doctor supped here tonight, and has na seen you the knows when
 In vain did H. protest, as intelligibly as he could, how true he spoke; the lady knew better than to believe a word he said. Next morning, when H. began to collect his scattered senses, he easily perceived the trick which the doctor had played off upon him, but rather than be- tray so worthy an associate he chose to remain silent. And ever after, instead of being saluted with "Where have you been, you drunken sot?" his good wife | would bawl out, in tone of high deri- sion, "So, Mir. H., Uith he dogtor. as usual, I suppose?"
 THEATRE FILTRATION. Scene-A the- | atrp Saatad in tba oroha n Io IL. o.,sl |