The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-11-27
~TOO NEAR THE STOVE"

Thank offerings to our God.
~TOO NEAR THE STOVE"
Story Of Tom Placide, the Actor.
A popular comedian, whom We shall
beg leave to introduce as Tom Placide,
in the course Of a starring tour through
the States was descending the Mississippi,
in tine spirits, plenty Of money. and q
sporting coat. There were divers queer
characters On board the steamer with,
whom Tom who, dearly loved fun, even
while amusing himself with their various
pcculiarities, was, nevertheless great
favorite. None Of them, however, wooed
his good opinion more sedulously and
kindly than any elderly backwoodsman
from the innermost depths Of Indiana,
now bent upon visit to New Orleans
for the first time in his life. This russell
looking antique, whether it was from the
comedians sporting buttons, or the never
ending llghtness and gayety Of his talk,
had fully made up his mind that Tom
was gentleman sportsman, and when
ever he saw small game going on, he
was careful in noticing the skill and
quality OF the players, the stake to be
lost or gained, &C., AID bringing Tom
all the various particulars.
The gentleman sportsman was very
much obliged, of course, for all this I'M
looked for information, though he didn't
exactly know ut the time what the deuce
to make of it; when, one day, the conf
dental backwoodsman took him aside
and told him there was "thundc,ing
smart chance tor pile" on one OF the
tables and it lte had 10 objections he
would "go in with him snacks!" Tom,
though highly amused at the offer, un.
fortunately for his knowing friend, de-
tested gambling in every shape be, there
fore, at once told his proposing partner
that he was mistaken, and, in short, that
his fancy coat covered not sportsman,
but player.
"Good gracious!' exclaimed the aston
ished backwoodsman, zone Of them fell
lers as tumbles! I've seen EN-, once,
more u half naked, cuttin' up down to
Madisonr'
Instead Of troubling himself much in
explaining to his new friend the differ
cnce between a theatrical shou and cir
Gus sAo,o, Tom, highly delighted. retail
ed the story Of the cards to various OF his
fellow passengers in such ludicrous
manner az instantly to render the old fell
low quite All object Of interest. Next to
the card playing was another object that
had completely aroused the backwoods-
mans curiosity; and this was very large
and singularly- shaped pine box, which
lay in the Social Hall, Or general saloon
of the steamer containing nothing. more
nor less than huge bass fiddle, the prop
crty OF very reserved and gloomy look
ing German, on his way South; profess
slonly.
'Placy,' whispered the backwoodsman
to Tom, one day-for he had got very
familiar after learning that he belonged
to 4 shGw-"wha1 on earth hev they got
N that box, think YET its the onhuman
ist shape ever seed in all creation
"Hush!' replied Tom, mysterious]y
"Don't you know2'
mot I. I'm nightly dead guessin''
''Thcn' it's bod,cs!'' echoed the startled
woodsman. You don t mean raal hui
man bodics?''
"Bodics!" still repeated Tom. ut the
same time applying his handkerchief to
his nose. stalking them down for disco
ton. Belong to a doctor ON board"
Tho woodsman turned immediately
away, his eyes wild with horror, holding
his nose. At length, to crafty his insat.
liable curiosity, he venturcd to inquire if
they were ''niggers."
"Whitc woman and her two Babes"
was Toms cool reply. "Onc ON each
side Of her-accounts for the shape Of
tho box"
At this moment the pale, moody, un-
sileven violinist approached them, anG
Toms thoroughly deceived victim made
way for him, as if he had been the chol-
era incarnate.
"Goes about diggin' on EN- up, does
hc2 muttercd the woodsman between his
teeth. in suppressed voice. "Why, it'll
orced pisen!" and up An deck he went,
to breathe the fresh air. Tom speedily
disseminated the story, also, among his
fellow passengers, who were so highly
amused with the joke that they resolved
to carry it on. Whenever, therefore the
horror-strickeu woodsman was present,
care was taken to make wids circuits
whenever they had to approach the box,
using their handkerchiefs, and express
ing much indignation at the captain for
permitting that description Of freight to
Ike brought under the noses Of his Lassen
gers. Tom talked of leaving the steam
CT, and others of lynching the doctor.
until at length the captain, who had got
hint Of the fun, approached the grum-
,1nrs thnn oathorad into a kno< - o,,o
end of the saloon
''Phew! 1t is very warm here, gentle
men; phcw!' shifted the captain. And
he pulled out his handkerchief. "Gcntle-
men. isn't there something very anpleas-
ant around hcre,-a peculiarly disagreca-
BILE sm"ll2"
''Pretcnds not to know what it 49,
muttercd the woodsman, in wrath.
"Steward, what the deuce have you
got herca Phew! shocking9 continued
the captain.
"Pretend now, you dent knowl" ex-
claimed the woodsman, stepping ioI-
ward and quivering with indignation.
"Know! Certainly do not" replied
the captain, with well-affcctcd wonder.
"Woll, then, 1 guees you've got that
tarnation box too near the stove-that's
ALL"
A scream of tire most outrageous laugh
ter rather dumfoundcd the old fellow:
but removal Of the lid of the coffin was
necessary before he would be convinced
that the body, indeed, was only that of
the old growler of tho orchestra. He