Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1879-08-06
Mastered by Passion.

1t was Hannah Cleaves who spoke, and
she was defending her young and pretty
cousin, who had been not quite two years
the wife of Charles Gray.
"Still, said Susan Adams, another cousin,
i must say that she is much to blame.
Her husband is one of the kindest and best
of men, and | know that she often makes
him unhappy. She might do differently if
she would"
al am not sure of that" returned Hannah.
She is not to blame for the disposition
which was born in her. She cannot help
| her own nature. No two of us are exactly
alike in all our feelings, and we are all apt
| to act about as we feel. 1t is unfortunate
that some people are diseased but | cannot
say that those are to blame who have in
herited their disease from their ancestors.
Aud so it is with our disposition"
"But," suggested Susan, "that person who
has inherited disease which works mis-
] chief not only to herself, but all around her,
| is certainly to blame if she does not make
| any exertion to get rid of it,
"Ay," cried Hannah, " but there are dis
eases which cannot be got rid of and say
that cousin Ruth cannot be blamed for her
feelings, because they come in spite of her,
and when they have come she cannot hide
them
Aunt Annie Dinsmore laid her knitting
work aside and gravely shook her head
Hannah" she said, with deep solemnity
"you may at some time be a mother; and
when that time comes, let me urge you not
to teach your children the doctrine you have
been upholding here"
Aunt Annie was such good, kind woman,
and she loved us all so well, and did so
much for our happiness, that even Hannah
Cleaves was respectfully silent beneath the
gentle reproof.
| "a little while ago." our aunt went on,
"you were speaking Of willful people. Now
| | admire strong self-will when it is bent in
| the right direction. The nobest of Gods
children are those who have strong wills.
The Christian martyrs were extremely self
willed. Self-wil is beneficial force when
it is made to uphold virtue and goodness.
And cultivate self-will as much as you please,
and make it subservient to right | fear the
trouble with Ruth Gray is, that she has no
self-will. What you call self-will in her is
only perverseness and inconsistency. She
exercises no will at all, but is the creature
of circumstance, suffering herself to be
swayed to and fro by every gust of passion
that sweeps across her path"
| When Aunt Annie laid her knitting-work
upon the table, and folded her hands in her
lap, we knew she had something of interest
to say to us, for she was not a woman who
talked for the sake of talking.
| 81 tell you, girls" she said, eve can if
we will If we will do right, we can do
right. She who practically denies this
casts aside the very foundation of virtuous
character, and erects her structure 81 life
| upon base of sand. | am going to tell you
| story of my own life. You call me good !;
and think | am good to you. At all events,
| try to be so. But my goodness of temper
came to me through mighty effort of will,
as you shall see. When | was young was
| more perverse than your cousin Ruth ever
was. My temper was quick and high;
was subject to fits of despondency that made
all around me miserable; and | excused
myself upon the plea that such was my
nature-I could not help it. When | be-
came the wife of Jacob Dinsmore was very
happy, and thought myself very fortunate,
| for ! knew that won for husband one of
the best young men in the town. Your
uncle Jacob was then just what he is now
kind, generous, loving, forbearing and faith
full TO fault. For the first six months OF
our married life l did not allow my bad
temper to show itself much but at length
| my honeymoon waned, aud my old feelings
began to manifest themselves. became, in
short, Just what / was before was married.
| People called me self-willed; but had no
| self-will. | did not will to be cross and
petulant. was cross and petulant because
| | had no will to be otherwise. Sometimes
| | had bad feelings, and had no will to over
come them. The slightest thing that crossed
Inc found me so entirely devoid of will that
it swayed me at its pleasure. At the end
of two years there was more of misery than
of happiness in my home, and | could not
hide from myself the fact that | was the
cause of it all and yet | tried to convince
myself that was not to blame. When my
mother talked with me, | declared that
could not help it and when my husband
ventured to allude to the subject | flew into
| a passion. | could not bear chiding from
him. In fact his very kindness and good
ness sometimes fretted me; and when he
offered to point out to me my errors, it
seemed as though he were preaching to me,
and would not listen.
"Girls, tell you truly when tell you
that | believe no one was ever more firmly
fixed in the habit of ill-feeling than was
at that time and did certainly then be-
lieye that could not help it.
Some time before we were married there
had been a volunteer artillery company in
our town and as Jacob was the only com
missioned officer living in the town itself,
he took charge Of the property which be-
longed to the corps, thus retaining control
of the two handsome cannon. One royal
birthday the townspeople raised money for
a celebration of the occasion, and, among
other things, a royal salute was TO be fired
in the morning, at noon, and at sundown,
of which my husband was TO have charge.
"During the day received an invitation
to Join some friends in a sail upon the river (;
and as could not very well 60 to the land
ing alone, asked Jacob TO go with me. He
said il would interfere with other duties,
and he could not CO. | asked him il he
thought the firing OF the salute was Of more
Importance than the making of happiness
for his wife; and when he had foiled me at
that argument, asked him why he could
not let some one else take charge of the
cannon. lie answered me calmly and can
ddiy that he dared not trust the gun in
other hands. He was the only one who
understood how to properly handle it, and
he felt obliged to attend TO it. He told me
how many accidents had happened through
mistakes of inexperienced and careless per-
sons, and he could not feel right to neglect
the duty he had promised to perform.
"That was in the afternoon. At six o'clock
it was time for me TO start for the landing
place, il meant to go but would not go
unless my husband went He had sent for
a carriage to take me down, but would
not use it. shrank away in fit of the
sulks, and so remained until 1t came time
for Jacob to 60 away with his gun, As he
was putting on his hat my temper burst
forth into wild flame, and his calm answers
only maddened me. AT length l pushed
him beyond the bounds of human endur-
ance, and he turned upon me more sternly
than he had ever before done. He did not
speak angrily, but he spoke as an offended
parent might have spoken to an offending
child. This set my blood completely afre,
and cannot tell you all the wicked things
| 4 said NlT