Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-11-19
FUNNYoRAPHs.
HARD to beat-boiled esIS.

FUNNY0RAPHs.
HARD to beat-boiled egu.
NET income: That of fisherman.
DID you ever see Jamaica rum punch
Qua country kin, pump kin.-Steuben-
ville CO., Herald.
ALWAYS have cabinet picture taken
the miniature ready.
Two lovers, like two armies, generally
get along quietly until they are engaged.
HASLAN and Courtney are two racy
fellows.
The home stretch is best taken in the
evening on the sofa.
PRovERB in Paris: Worth makes the
woman.-BuDalo Express.
PRoBABILIrIEs-Cold in the head,
with rheumatic tendencies.
NINETY German butchers have struck
in Cincinnati. Hence these steers.
A DESERT waste-scooping out the
inside of pie and throwing away the
crust.
The car wears mail shirt. He il
right; female shirt would look ridicu-
lous.
The only safe way to go up in bal.
loon is to lie about 1t, and tell folks you
were up in one years ago.
THERE is a story going the rounds
now about the finding of Columbus an
chor.
THOSE hoo advocating fonetik sis
tenn ov spelling seem to want to institute
go az u pleez orthografy.
The proper form for . will nowadays
will read: "To the respective attorney
of my children / give my entire estate"
7empora mutanty.--Formerly the
foolish virgins had no oil; now the foolish
virgins are too free with the kerosene.
SPRINKL1Na machines and Cinnamon
each have their uses-one keeps the lawn
wet and the other the laundry.-Nesc
York Commercial Aduertiser.
ENGLAND is spoken Of az the "tight
little islands" but there is city over
the channel in France that is Toulouse.
american Punch.
"A-ND he said" This is the
average remark overheard by the passer-
by of q group of loveliness under twenty.
-New Haven Register.
LAST words of Mr.. Gum, who Aogged
his son and WAS killed for it," Dear,
dear! didn't know Henry was loaded
--Bufalo Exprsss.
"LlTTLE DAISY" writes to ask us il
we think banging lady's hair improves
her appearance. We banged if We do.
oil City Derrick.
A LOGICAL DEDUCTIoN.-"I say,
Tommy, what does Parliamentary tea
meant" "Dunno, I'm sure, unless ii
means it amt irst class.-Fan.
AT Logan, Utah, the other night q
Limburger cheese factory was strnck BY
lightning and all the people moved Out
Of town.-New York Herrld.
THEY say tobacco ruins the teeth, but
We know an old gentleman who has
chewed 1t for years, and hasn't an un
sound tooth in his head, nor one of any
other kind.-Bost0n Post.
"PooR mani" said the old lady, and
10 he's really gone at last! Ninety eight
was hel Dear, desr! to think that il
he'd lived two years more he'd hav'
The price of bricks has doubled il
Boston since last spring, and when ,
loafer feels like hesving one at police
man, still small voice whispers to hin
to count the cost.-Dstroit Free Pyess.
GIT is great man who can do justic
to his enemy" says IN exchange, and J
| We can get our enemy where there vii
be no one to interfere, wen prove ou
claim to eatness.-B Bostox Post.
APRoPER conclusion for the marriage
ceremony in many of our fashionabl
"eociety" weddings would be: "Whs
commercial interests have Joined Il
gether, let no ill-temper put asunder."
/ WANTED, a boy with decided ta
ent for drawing"-to learn dentistry
I N. Y. News. If you should advertii
for a boy "with . decided talent ft
filing" you would probably have mol
} applications.
"MA," said = little boy, looking q
from an illustrated newspaper, 81 Wish
, was q little South African boy,
"Why, Georger asked bis ma. VIII!
, cause their mothers don't wear slippers,
he feelingly replied. NorrsstoUn Herat
A NEW patent school slate has Ri
! cushioned with rubber around the fram
60 that when the unruly youngster shi
; it at his fond teachers head, the sla
will carom against the intellectu
frontispiece, and return again towal
!. the betligerent boy. No family shou
be without one.-BdltiSsOre AceyS Satal
: day.
+ "You see massa," said the old colort
. laundress, "since dey's got desc here b
y crayvats We don't hab 90 much to d
@ De gemmen puts on big crayvat mo-
d adavs instead oh clean shirt Ys
l. don't know much bout desc mattel
:, but If you take oil all dc crayvats In th
Isl town an make de gcmmen show q
d lsndsakes! you'd zee de wust l0okil
u white men you ebber laid yer bEess
t eyes on"
d An old commodore was spinning
ID warn for the benefit Of an old lady
le serious views, and ar0using her SYM
thies by telling how the - ran mou
tains high and taxed the utmost I
deavors Of the crew 10 manage the 81
.Ah. but you see, sir," said the I
y y dame, laying 6er hand softly g. :
!. "There was One at The helm =
= "Ior' bles you, ma'aml" = exc!ains
q ensrgetically slapping his knee. asos
= times there was Ave or NJ"
81 THR lat straw that bssaks IL hach
'ltI vonr natienoe ii the apothocoRyss =