The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1879-05-15
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

The world is full of men who have
sufficient talent to get married, without
possessing genius enough to support
family.
"A Sunday School boy, on being
asked what made the tower of Pisa lean,
replied, because of the famine in the
land"
"When shall we eat2" asks a medi-
cal journal. Same as you drink, doctor,
same as you drink-every time anybody
asks you.
An Oxford (Alabama) man is so
close listed that he will not advertise in
the papers, but ties his card to pigs tail
and turns the grunter loose.
- 1t takes pretty smart woman 10 do
the spanking, when triplets strike up an
anvil chorus about midnight, and don't
you forget it.-Owego Record.
"What grain ranks highest in your
market?" Minnesota man asked an
Iowan. "Corn," replied the Hawkeye,
nothing ranks above kernel"
IF you were to offer $4,000 for
sewing machine that didn't take the first
premium" at the Paris exposition, we
don't suppose you could get one.
'Tis old but true: Trying to do
business without advertising is like wink
ing at pretty girl in the dark-you may
know what you are doing, but nobody
else does"
- Jeannette-"Ma, are you going to
give me another piece of pie? Ma
"What do you want to know for?" JEAN
nette-"B Because if you amt I want to
eat this piece slowly"
- An editor with nine unmarried
daughters was recently made justly indig-
nant by the misconstruction his contem-
poraries put upon his able leader on
"The demand for men,"
-T know 1 am a perfect bear in my
manners" said young farmer to his
sweetheart. mo indeed, you are not,
John; you have never hugged me yet;
you are more sheep than bear"
"Little boy" said woman to boy
who had been impudent to her, the other
day, "have you mother" "No; but
pap wouldn't marry you if there wasn't
a house-keeper in the whole dogged
land"
= He was about to kiss her, when sud-
denly he drew back in evident alarm.
"Oh, George, what is ?" said she anx-
iously. "Onions," was all the reply he
made as he glided on in the moonlight
Providence Press.
- Tender-hearted mothers should
give their little childen kittens to play
with. 1t pleases the child, and then
it is so nice to see young kitten
choked until its eyes bulge out like mimic
balls.-Stlwatcr Minn.) Gazette.
= Nothing is so painful at this season
of the year, as the disheartning spectacle
of a nine-year-old hen, looking through
the fence at a man digging a garden,
while she exercises her rugged legs and
incisive claws on the walk, just keeping
in practice until the garden is ready.
- A fashionable visitor thus addressed
a little girl: Chow do you do, my little
dear" every we'll, thank you," she
replied. The visitor then added, "Now,
nv dear, you must ask me how I do"
The child honestly replied, ~ don't want
to know"
"Do hogs pay?" asks an agricultu-
raj correspondent. We know OF some
that don't. They subscribe for a paper,
read it a few weeks for nothing, and then
send it back to the publisher inscribed
refused" Such hogs as that pay no.
body if they can help it.
- A family is like unto an equipagc.
First, the father, the draught horse, next,
the boys, the wheels, for they are always
running around; then the girls, they are
surrounded by fellows; the baby occu-
pies the lap-board; and the mother
well, what's q wagon without tongue,
anyhow?
Did you ever notice the poor chap
that stands in the first picture of the al
manac, with the fish and sheep and scor..
pions and bulls and twins, etc., around
him? Did you ever notice that he was
naked and had nothing in his stomach ?
Well, that poor fellow used to edit a
paper, and take his pay in "I'll pay my
subscription next week"
-"For what am l." he said, in con-
versational way to his Sunday school
class of little boys-"What am / but
something filled with little air? With
out it 1 could not be-would collapse
in short, Pm only" "a bladder"
was what the good little boy said. The
class adjourned sine die.
"No man shall ever kiss me except
my future husband" she said, as he was
about leaving her at the gate. Suppose l
agree to be your future" "Why, then
I'll kiss you," she replied, eagerly, and
she did. Her mother was informed that
he had proposed, and the old lady called
around next day to fasten matters, and
before he knew it he was eternally hook
ed. 1t was a mean advantage, but bird
in the hand is worth two on front gate.
-Binghampton Republican.