River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-02-27
Wit and HumOr.

When a man reaches the top OF stair
way and attempts to make one more step
igher the sensation Is as perplexing as
| if he had attempted to kick dog that
wasn't there.
The county fair orator who is not in
formed that his effort beat anything ever
attempted by Henry Clay will feel an
unsatistied longing, no matter how
promptly his pay is handed over
The stranger who attends one of the
| fashionable churches in Boston may get
his pocket picked, or may have his con
science strongly awakened. The chances
seem to be about even.
What's the use of sitting all day in a
boat holding a so fish pole ana line to
catch a little half-pound fish, when a salt
mackerel weighing a pound can be
caught at any grocery store for six centss
Whitehall Times.
Two stage robbers can halt Stage
| filed with Indian fighters, all well armed,
and axe the crowd shell out In the
most humble manner. What does 1t IS
the fear en- the part OF the Indian-fghtors
that some of them might get hurt.
An exchange publishes the startling in
/ formation that there are no reserved seats
in heaven. Most people would Danish all
uncasine>s on that account it they could
obtain standing room. Cincinnati
| Breakfast Table.
Times are caanged indeed. A man
used to be able to pass himself off for a
genius by wearing spectacles and letting
| his hair grow long, but that racket don
work now. The conditions of life are
growing harder for the poor man all the
time.
The country is becoming so crowded
with marksmen, athletics, swimmers and
oarsmen wearing medals on their breasts
that the ordinary man will soon have to
return to blue coats with brass buttons,
IN order to keeo from sinking into utter
insiguiiicance -Phitdde phia Chronicle.
The ouly Frenchman l ever heard OF
who did a funny thing at duel was
Sainte Beuve, who, having 10 fight on 8
very rainy morning, persisted in holding
an umbrella over his heal with his left
hand In vain did his seconds remon
strate with him, and tell him such con
duct WIS out Of order. II don't mino
being shot, said the great critic, but
never came here to get wet, and he stood
his adyersary's fire, with his umbrella
waving proudly over his head London
World.
Your daughter has treated me very
, curt"-and the young man was lifted
, by the parental hoof from the door o
his girls house to the middle OF th'
horsecar track. He arose as quick as h
: could. and mildly explained that HI
hadt finished the word, which was ''cour
! teous, and Alphonso was taken undo
the unacceptable roof once more, had IN
/, pants mended. was done IN in salve
and then sent home TO his ma in hack
Thus is true greatness rewarded, and i'm
petuusity rebuked. - Boston Trareler.
A lady sent for the Chief of Police til
;. other day. and complained to him tina
her husband had in the most cruel man
!. ner kept her u prisoner at home Tor eh
: last ten days.
"Ah, said the Chief, ''does he lock til
n doors on your
/ "Certainly not"
Does he have somebody to guard 20
! and keep you from going out."
? mo, indeed-not he.n
) "Well, does he-does he title you
! any thing2r
! No, sir-he dare not
4 "Well, l should say, madam, that
o pray excuse me-that you have about a
4 the freedom YOU could want"
. "Graeious heavensm exclaimed the !,
r DIV. with cIenched fingers and fiashin
+ eyes, "a horrid mouse tied to the top {
{ the box with my Sunday bonnet in ]
r aad YOU talk TO me about all the freedor
# could want