Connecticut western news., 1879-11-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

l -NOtnIuS IS So SOOu ub l6 hoeuS D6- forehand.
 What is it that ties two but only touches one9 Awedding ring.
 All who advertise do not get rich, but very few get rich without.
 The boy who was kept after school for bad orthography said he was spell bound.
 Happiness too long anticipated and delayed when attained quickly passes away.
 Paper is now used for car wheels. It has been used for tracts for lorg time.
 Columbus made the egg stand, but Italians of less renown have made the peanut stand.
 If hotel clerk smiles pleasantly when you ask him question, that's sign he hasn't been there long.
 The man who tried to run news paper to suit everybody died in an East ern poorhouse eighty years ago. The law can never make man honest. It can only make him very un- comfortable when he is dishonest.
 Chinese maxim: Man cannot be- come perfect in hundred years he can become corrupt in less than day.
 The hired girl who was called up at four o'clock in the morning thinks arose two hours later would sound quite as sweet.
 The Chinese have it that men who never violate their consciences, are not started by knock at the door at mid- night.
 A tobacconist in Wilkesbarre has the following sign posted mp in his store: elf you want to loaf coms around to, morrow"
 There are more watches worn in the United States than in any other coun- try. Oi course the people have better time.- Hackensack Republican.
 The Toronto Graphic says : "The evil of mems wives lives after them, while tho good which they do is seldom spoken of with salty to stepmother." The Zulus, in battle, keep working their jaws, for what good nobody ever know. The same phenomenon some- times happens in the American Con- gress.
 Man wants but little here below, but 1t is the opinion of the Canisteo Times that he should always make his wants known through the columns Of newspaper.
 -Kousekeepers may be glad to know that Jelly covered with pulverized sugar will keep, without mould, if it is set away on high shelf where small boys cannot get at it.
 -"I protest against my sentence" said the tramp to Judge Ella, of Roches- ter, N. H. "On what ground ?" "'Cause I've been twice in jail, and am opposed to third term"
 -"Why will people put an enemy ill their mouths to steal their brains away ?' Perhaps for revenge, by in- ducing the enemy to hunt for some- thing that can't be found.
 One of the greatest mysteries of nature is the hole in the heel of stock ing. How it gets there no one knows the need of it no one sees; the philos- ophy of it no one can explain the logic is, "Darn it!'
 In the room of railroad depot in Iowa is the following placard over the clock behind the counter: "This IS clock it is running; it is Chicago time; it is right; it is set every day at 10 o'clock now keep your mouth shut"
 -"Been having your boots half soled ?" asked Tom. "Well, yes," said Ben, who is looking little seedy; "but they're not half sold as my hat. And it was three o'clock the next after noon before Tom understood just what he meant by it.
 The paper on which the Bank of England notes are printed IS made of new linen or cotton, and note will SUD- port weight ot thirty-six pounds before it is sized. If the note proper is of the right size. it will support man and his family for years.
 -"Never leave the table with food in the mouth." Certainly not. Nothing could be more rude. To slip dough- nut into your coat pocket as you rise from the festive board is very neat trick, however, that is, if you are not caught in the act.
 -"I can't trust you," said publican to an impoverished customer. "You should let the liquor alone. If you hadn't drank so much of it, you might now be riding in your carriage" "Aud if you hadn't sold it," retorted the vic- tim, "you might have been my driver."
 A lady was considerably dumb founded, few days ago, upon finding that Bridget had chopped up half doz- en bulbous roots, hyacinths and dahlias costing $1. 50 per dozen, and incorpora- ted them in that delectable dish known as hash, under the Impressions that they | vynro ouiOna