Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-07-31
Metcalf's Boomerang.

MRS. sMetcalf:" said the magistrate,
"do understand that you make a charge
of assault and battery against Mr.. Met
calf 20, =:
"Not exactly, your honor; you see"
!. zone minute" said Mr.. Metcalf. "Per-
nit me to explain the matter. | wanted
a patent double acting boomerang. The
popularity of the boomerang is that when
you throw it forward 1t flies backward
and hits something behind you.'
"When you throw it behind you what
does it do?'
"Comes straight to the front. On Tues
day bent the kitchen poker into the
boomerang shape and began to study the
scientific . aspects of this remarkable
weapon"
''What tor?"
"Partly for the, sake of developing
scientific truths, partly for the purpose
of killing ducks. If want to kill a
duck with boomerang what do I do? I
walk away from him, go in the opposite
direction. This lulls suspicious in the
ducks mind. Suddenly take careful
aim, say at Jones colored man, who is
chopping wood in the next yard. I let
| fly and the first thing you know that
boomerang has gone whooping over my
shoulder and killed duck-dead, dead
as Julius Caesar. It's one one of the most
beautiful things in the world"
"Did you ever kill one in that way?'
"Well that is just the point. No. l
did not. am praeticing. This is what
has excited Mrs. Metcalt. Wednesday
morning, while I was in the back yard
trying the thing, foregot. I aimed at a
bird house on the grape-arbor, and the
poker went out of my hand and through
the kitchen window. I apologized to
Mrs. Metcalf and tried again. This time
I aimed right at the kitchen window, in
tending to hit the bird box back of me
The boomerang must have got twisted
somehow, for the scientific principle was
temporarily suspended, and she went
ban through the kitchen window
again."
'.Struck Mrs. Metcalf?"
"Struck her as wicked outrage. But
I explained, and bent the poker back tt
the proper angle. Then 1 aimed at the
pump and let her fly. She went up
turned over, flew behind me, and nearl 5
Drained Matilda, the hired girl, who was
coming out of the weodshed with an arm
full of chips, unhappily at that MON ent."
"Wbere is Matilda?"
"In tire hospital. She is having a ire
pan-a kind Of trap door-let into he1
skull. She will sue me as soon as sht
comes out. It is hard to suffer for scicn
tifc truth"
But have you managed to hit any ducks
yet?"
"I'll tell you. l caught a duck and
tied it down to raspberry bush. pro
jected the boomerang at that duck two
hundred and seventy three times, MOI
counting once when slipped! l hi
everything within forty feet of the bird
I hit all the loose ducks and chickens;
smashed the glass in the hotbed; sen
the poker twice through sheet on thu
clothes line, dug up all the flower beds
smashed eleven flower pots, ruined two
young peach trees, broke the top Of thu
pump, manned one pet dog for life, bu
I never hit my particular duck once.
don't know why: Probably l havn't go
the hang of the thing yet
''And Mrs. Metcalf wants you to stol
practicing, does she?"
eyes, sir. But I'm going to learn it i
l have to go to Australia to get the mack
of it,"
"Well, I hold you in 800 bonds not tt
fling that boomerang again outside o.
Australia until you learn how"
Every we'll, your honor, but 1 leave fo
there on the first train Tomorrow"
Then the Metcalfs withdrew.
There will be some lynch law in Aus
tralia if Metcalf ever gets there.