Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-10-30
HUMOROUS

No matter how much a candidate itches
for office, he never likes to be scratched.
When you see a young gentleman es-
cOrting young lady with suspicious regu-
| larity, you can bet on that walking match.
A man who will complain of the small
pieces of pie served out at the hotels
would demand new rope if he were to
be executed.
A gun that misses fire when the owner
knows it is loaded is waiting to surprise
some small member of the family.-Neao
Orleans PicGyatne.
Did you ever notice how carefully ev-
| erything in nature is protected by some
| necessary covering? The rivers bed is
! covered by sheet of water.
I We hear the railroad locomotive spoken
of as 1.-THE iron horse" This is, we pre-
sumo, what constitutes the railroad
stOck.-Tonkers Statesman.
When Smithekins and a party of friends
were discussing what kind of fish they
should have for breakfast, he said that the
shad rose to the Occasion.-N. ]. Ndil.
Such expressions as s'Homely people
are always bright" are not only necessa-
rily untrue, but they are also supremeIy
silly. For what good do they conserve?
Whom do they please? Who accepts the
tatfy as intended for his or her palate? 1t
is pleasant to be thought bright, pleasant
TO be told that you are bright; but not at
| the price of being consideLed hOmely.
And who thinks himself homely? We
don't know; do yOu?-Boston Transcript.
A Leadville jury last week, becoming
disgusted with the E'sass'' administered
and witnesses by the judge, ordered the
sheriff to lock the latter up for couple of
weeks, '1iust to take the style out of him, -
as the foreman expressed it. And to His
HOnOr's great exasperation, he was incon-
tinently lugged off to Jail, and is now in
durance vile, while the case is going qui-
city on with the most popular barkeeper
i'll town occupying thejudicial chair.
Once in travelling the Rev. DR.. Bledsoe
was exceedingly annoyed by pedantic
bore who forced himself upon him, and
made a great parade of his shallow learn
ing. The doctor bore it as long as he
could, and at length, looking at him
gravely, said: My friend, you. and
know all that is to be known.'' 90 How is
that % said the man, pleased with what
he thought very supplementary asso-
citation. Sc Why" said the doctor, g you
know everything except that you are a
fool, and know that"
The Elmi1a Gazette gives this code of
hat Irritation signals: Wearing the hat
squarely on the head--T love you madly ;
tipping it over the right ear--my little
brother has the measles; wearing it on
the back of the head-ta, ta; awfully aw-
full; taking it off and brushing it the
wrong way-my heart is busted; holding
it out in the right hand-lend me quar-
ter; throwingit it at II policeman love
your sister; using it as IA fan-cOme and
play with my aunt; carrying a brick in
it-yOur cruelty is killing me; kicking it
across the street, am engaged; putting
it on the ground and sitting on it-fare-
well forever.
) Counsel" Do you know anything of
this case? ?'' q No" " Ever read of it?''
: g No. Ever read anything?''- Mo-
g What Never?' NO. {Applause.) }
g Have you formed any opinion as to this
case 20 No. "Any opinion about
anything?' "No." "Never have opin-
ions ?'' !" No. " What! Never?'' ono
2 (Applause) g Ever heard 'Pinafore p -
e NO. (Groans. Remarks" No Won
t der he didn't do it. SOld."l No SYM
/ pathy with anything pertaining to the
public interest?'' @No.'' mo infor-
e nation, no knowledge, no opinions, no
, taste for reading, no desire to know what
is going on in the world?'' "None what
= ever.' 'Good You'll do fora iuryman.
You are accepted