The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1879-03-13

he looks To the most reputable news
papers of the place, and he thinks that
| advertising in these gives an aSsur-
ance of the good standing of the adver-
tlSer, and his business enterprise, and
of the sutlicicncy of his stock.
An IRISH laundTess weighing some
2JO pounds climbed three flights Of
stairs with her basket of clothes, and.
painting from the exercise, could hard
| ly return the SalutatiOn of her mistress
who kindly remarked, You appear to
be short of breath this morning, Brid-
| get. "Ahl Wis mum; I'm afthcr
catchin' 4 severe eOwld in me side. and
it's afeared ! am to he tux down wild
the ammonia"
Charley dear," his pretty wife mur-
INJURED, taking up his toothbrush from
the washStand, and fOndling it with
that affection she bestowed upon every
thing that WAS his, Il really think You
ought To have i new one, this is get
ting too Old" "Oh, y-a-a-s." hr dr:twI-
| ed out, Il made up my mind last week
to give It away 10 the first poor man
saw"
Near Newman Il runaway negro
couple WIS married in the road by
tOrchlight. When her father aWOkc
early and called for Debbic, he was
told she was seen the evening before
IN company with her sweetheart, and
as the light broke into his mind he
burst out with laugh ana these
words: "DaT, now; | h;t dem niggrrs
is married." lie won.
Inspecting officer i'm barracks to sta!-
waTt defender of his cOmtry-Well,
my man, are you satisfied with YOUR
ratiOnsl
5. d. of his C.-YeS. sir.
Inspecting Oilicer-IIOw is the meat
diyidedg Don't you sometimes get a
small ration and sometimes a large one !:
;. d. of his C.-N0, sir; we always get
small one.
A woman lecturer adyertiSCs her
self in Providence rs a "child of na-
ture, wearing the unniStakeable crown
| Of genius and doing her share in the
work of making the whole world kim
She brings with her the electricity of the
NOrth-the brillancy of the aurora
bOrealis-and all who meet her are
magnetiZed."
Old lady Ito taXidermist: "YOu can
see yourself, man, you only stuffed nv
poor parrot in the summer, and here's
his feathers tumbling out before your
eyes" TaXidermist: "LOr' bless We.
IN, that's the triumph of our art. We
stutfs 'em that natural as they mnults
in tneir pOrOper seasOn.'
SmartZmeyer to his wife: Vow.
see here, my lOf, better as yOu had
johnny led up 4 liddle on dot candy
eatin', Obbcr der first ding yUu don't
know he had tOOthache in his tecsh
und haf been skwalling around all
night init her cholera mOrbus in his
jaw-dOnt it?'
What Il glorious future for the man
who cIn invent newspaper ink that
will only stand one reading, Think of
of the pleasurable emotions in an pdi-
tors breast when he knows the paper
one subscriber gets cant be reId by
the whole neighbOrhOOd.
The Louisville COUFieT-JOHTHGIs S tyS.
"An enterprising newspaper has found
a young lady who bushes, goes to bed
at nine, eats heartily, speaks plain
English, respects her mother, doesn't
want to marry lord. and knows how
to cook. Now where's your manlish :"
They We're out riding. said ThcO-
dOre: What tree bears the most pre-
ciOus fruit, Angelina?' "Oh, DOry, !
cant tell, unless it is Il chcrry-trcc."
Theodore pities her simplicity, and
gazing into her eyes. says, The axle
tree. darling
Pedestrian (whO has dropped half a
crown i'm front Of "the blimd'J: why.
you cOnfOunded humbug. you're not
blindT Beggar: Not /, sir, II the
card says am they must lave given
me the wrong one. I'm deaf and
dumb"
"The Lord lOycth Il cheerful giycr;-
but there's no use chucking a copper
cent into the cuntTibutiOa-bOX loud
enough to make the folks on the back
seat think the commandment ice hIs
tumbied off the altar
4 dentists advertisement of new
plugging machine s:Iys: Its operations
are swift, easy and beautiful, pleasant
to the patient, like the hummin@-bir,l
as it moves from flower To flower To
absorb the sweet nectar"
\ young couple We're found ont at
the front gate one night this week.
locked i'm each others arms. They
said the combination WIS lost. and
they couldn't get il, because the jan
itOr was asleep.
\ country doctor announces that he
has changed his residence to the neigh |
bOrhSOd of the churchyarl, which hc
hopes may prove convenience TO his !
numerous patients.
"TheTe is believed to be only one
thing slower than m0laSseS in .Janu-
aTy, and that is a Lady making room
for another lady in street c.lr.'-HDS-
ton GiOOe.
The man who spent three days in
Paris and came home in the stcCragc
passage can generally DE told by the
airs he puts on over his fellOw-men
who gather at the corner drug store.
Careful housewife 1ifting a shoe
from the soup tuTecU: Id, who'd q
thought baby's shoe would turn up in
the soup, But knew IL wasn't lost.
never lose anything"
French duels are not such harmless
affairs as they have been described.
They take place in the open air, and
the contestants are extremely liable 10
take cold.
The first waltz that Chopin Originat-
ed was the one that George Washing
tons father made him dance to when
they had the matinee in the garden.
Jane he said. Il think If YOU lifted
your feet from the fire We might have
some heat in the room And they
hadn't been married two years either.
Hotel men only make fifty per cent.
profit when they charge for 4 lire in the
room. Some papers have an idea that
they make four hundred.
You ought % husband your coal
more" said the charity woman. II
always does. / make him sift the ash
IS and pick the ciudcrs.'
India-rubber inkstands are the best
for use in court. They will bounce
hack again when thrown 1t the head Of
the Judge.
The bigger and 9rdnder the we,ldin"
the more glaring the headlines in the.
papers when the divorce is ann0unc-
ed.
The weather has been very cold in
Missouri since Charles Francis Adams
purchased a tract Of land there.
A family bible was used IN Green
10 knock a burglar down. II was the
only use the family put it too.