Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-01-29
American Punch.


American Punch.
The Chinese question hangs down the
back.-Ne,O Hauer, Register.
Isn't billiard player baize ball
player? What think cue p Whitehall
Times. -.. -...... e..
The best seats at the theatre of war
are generally on the front tier--Boston
Bulletin.
J Study the classics, young man. It's
worse than dime novels or Iniuns to
raise hair. We have just read that
CAB Hoe ct alb Hac" Cousins, no
bt.-Keokask Constitution.
A Wisconsin student said, in response
to a reproof for the lowness of his posi-
ton in the class; "Well, professor,
never mind. [ presume I am as much
to blame as you are. "-Ecchange.
am not afraid of Carl Schurz, but it
must be admitted that he talks with
amazing volubility. l am so confused
by the rattling CT his musketry that l
can't find my big gun.-P. II. Sheridan
according to Buffalo Express.
Nine. Anderson having succeeded in
walking SO many quarter miles in SO
many quarter hours we beg to be per-
mitted to hail her as the impending wo-
men and to suggest that her truly able
legs be photographed and scattered
broadcast over an admiring world
Buft,lo Express. ..
This makes the small boy mad. He
wishes he had leased for sled instead
ola pair of skates.-Nea0 Haven Register.
Well stand the storm--it won't be
longer than six months-we'll anchor
by-and-bye-is the way Buffalo Ex-
presses its feelings.
The photographic column, with all the
credits attached, like Joseph's garment,
is quote of many cullers.- Whitehall
Times.
Many a man who prays not to be led
into temptation would be awfully disap-
pointed If his prayer was granted
Keok,tk Constitution.
Look out for the man who stops on
, a windy corner, half frozen, to inquire
if the weather is cold enough for YOU
Ne,u Orleans Picaulne.
1.-THE characters of all young men
stood as high as their shirt-collars. the
community would present better as
pect than it does.-Syracuse Times.
+ Faith will move mountain, but
when it comes to moving balky mule,
unless assisted by locomotive, faith is
, now here.-Phaadelphia CtronicleHeraM
A good soldier who goes to perform
an act of charity, must observe the fol-
: lowing orders: l. Order aims 2. Garry
| aims 3. Present aims = Whitehall
Times.
Speaking of cold-the coolest spot in
: North America is said to be Battleford,
Canada; Battleford is $50 miles west OF
Winnipeg, Manitoba. The thermome-
f.; ter on the slightest provocation will
register 200 or 800 below zero. P. S.
s cool lager always on draught. ALBANY
, Journal.
s The Rev. Joseph Cook on boy who
: climbs tree to steal apples: "The ap-
pies are the objective natural motive
the boys appetite is the subjective ma,
: tural motive, his intention is his moral
i motive" 1t is hardly necessary to add
S that the boot or board the owner Of the
orchard applies when he catches him al
r it is the boys natural locomotive.-Bos
e on Transcript.
e 1t is said that poets through their owr
suffering learn the art of delightine
e their readers. Longfellow walks around
n his garden in summer to produce one
verse day from the inspirations OF ma
ture. Nine. Anderson also walks
4 around the garden and makes much
r money, bat has a very easy time. Won't
some one please bring US some suffer.
r ing?-Rochester Express.
In this weather noses shine upon the
just as we'll as upon the unjust.-Neat
0 York Herald.
e A Boston man who bought one thou
, sand Havana cigars, on being asked
3 what they were for, replied that they
! were tickets to course of lectures to
;, be given by his wife.
r Can you tell why watch is an image
of modesty? We will save time by tell
r ing you why. 1t always holds its hands
before its face, and, however, good its
r works may he, it is always running it.
| self down.
The same feeling that caused Caesar
to cry "Ettu Brute" possessed the mans
soul VINO fastened to assist a fallen
lady, himself slipped, fell to the pave
ment, and at the same time discovered
F. the lady was his own dear wlfe.-Toledo
Commercial
BUS stops: Smiling young lady emit
$ ers; every seat full; an old gentleman
rises at the other end. ooh, don't
:: rise" says the lovely girl; " I can Just
as well stand" you can do as you
e please about that, MISS" says the old
: gent: " but am going to get out"
r Talking about cold weather." sud
: denly broke out one of our oldest in
: habitants, the other evening, "why,
i you ought to have been out in the state
! Of Minnesota in '36. [ don't s'pose
d fourteen thermome meters spliced together
It would given the mercury room to
drop as low as it wanted to 90. One
awful cold night-colder than two of our
y coolest nights consolidated-a hunter
e named Hosking built an extra big fire
4 IN his log cabin to keep warm, an he
kept a piling on the wood until his shan.