The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-11-07
SHORT ITEMS.

Wheeling Leader.
SHORT ITEMS.
A humor comes from Paris that bon
nets are to be worn on the head here
after.
A new felt hat recently purchased by
Mr. Evarts is believed to supply long
felt want.
Memory would be the sweetest of all
blessings if we only had bright moments
to remember.
'sIn join you presently" said the min
lister to the young couple, as he went for
the church key.
The school-boys in California, when
asked elbow is the earth divided?" an
swer, "By earthquakes.
s'Gorhamighty!' is the alarmed cry of
those Republicans who hear the grief
that George is coming back.
The nights in Zululand are described
as cool. The English, however, found
the climate warm enough.
The biggest fool in the world is dead.
He told his mother-in-law she lied. She
did it with her little skillet
When you hear man Dragging about
his many virtues, don't let him see where
you hang the key to your hen-roost.
Judges at baby shows in Kentucky
wear masks. It saves unpleasantness
after the prizes have been awarded.
Chow to act in a sick room" Don't
act in a sick room. If you must act,
join a dramatic company or hire hall.
Mr.. Sullivan, of Starkville, Miss, in
tends to turn loose his newly-invented
fying-machine on the LIST of November.
The kilograms which the ex-khedive
sends off from his italian residence are
currently reported to cost him $4OO a
day.
When you see young gentleman es-
corting n young lady with suspicious
regularity, you can bet on that walking
match.
Any man who can swap horses or ketch
| fish and not lie about it is just about
| as pious as men ever get to be in this
| world.
A Sunday school boy, upon being
asked what made the tower of Pisa lean,
replied, Because of the famine in the
land"
What is the difference between
farmer and bottle of whisky? One hus-
bands the corn and the other corns the
husband.
A wag who had lent minister horse
that had run away and thrown the clergy
man, claimed credit for spreading the
gospel.
'sNo',' said Paperwate, explaining 'sI
| wasn't really mad when the old man drove
me from the house, but must say felt
put out"
'HTalk about the jaws of death!' ex-
claimed man who had termagant
wife. "I tell you they're nothing to the
jaws of life.
ssWhat is wisdom?" asked teacher of
class of small girls. A bright-eyed lit
| tie creature arose and answered, "Infor-
nation of the brain,
A newly-mar1ied couple can always be
'spotted" by their baggage. They are
sure to carry pail of trunks and pair
of travelling bags.
What must Brigham Young's feelings
have been ON his death bed when he
thought of all his thirty-six young and
artless widows marrying again?
Because girl refused him, an Ohio
man attempted suicide. The silly fool
never stopped to consider that mo woman
wants to marry dead man.
An exchange says that Pennsylvania
Drtch girls make good preserves. But it
doesn't say how much sugar you take to
a pound of Dutch girl, nor how long you
let 'em boil.
The other day teacher asked an un-
regenerate pupil what the gender of
certain noun was. The pupil quickly re
piled: 81 think it is neuter, sir. At any
rate it is neu-ter-me."
A little girl had representation of
''Moses in the Bulrushes" in her picture
book, Here, grandma; said she inno-
huckleberry bushes"
When the Princess Helen was born it
was told the Princess Royal that she had
got q young sister. so, that is delight
fulF cried the innocent royalist, edo
let me go and tell mamma"
It may be well for Victoria Woonhnll
at once to understand that we do not
propose to have for President any one
married to an English noblenlan. One
or the other must be dropped.