The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1879-11-28
MARX TwaIn.. eot,,.

Ha1 HIbJ bltlt btGHi 10 hnetIE =
friend, told me to 80 and bathe my f.e,
IN hot weather and go TO bed u did
no, Shortly after another friend told
Ino 10 get up and tako cold sbower
bath. j did that also. Within lie
hour, another friend aAsdred me that il
was policy TO feed cold md starvo
fever l Ibad both. SO. Thought il
best to fill myaelf up for the cold and
let the fever starve awhile. In a case
Of this kind ] seldom do things by
halves u ate pretty hcnrtily. i con
fcrred MY custom upon stnngcr, who
bad justsepoDed his Restaurant on Cort-
landt street, near the hotel, that morn
ing. paying 10 much for full meal.
lilo waited near mo IL respectful silence
until ] had finished feeding my cold,
when llc inquired IL the people about
New York were much afflicted With
col.ls. | told him thought they were.
He then went out and took in his sign.
| startdd up t6wattl tho office and on
the way tcsYeonntepede another bosom
FRIEND, who told me- that - quart Of
warm ALT water would come lag near.
cuI ing h cold as anything IN the world.
] hardly thought I lial = .otn fof Il, bat
/ tried it, anyhow The result was
strprising. Ibelierc thakw up my
immortal sonl. Now, IA ] give my cx-
patience only for The benel.t of those of
your friends who are troubled with this
diAlemper, feel that they will SIC the
propifcty Of my eautionine them against
following such poriious ol IL as proved
inefficient with pe, and acting upon
this Conviction ] warn them against
warm salt water. II may Je "a good
enough remedy, but think IL Is ratlpr
too severe II bad auo'hor cold IN
the head, nbd there was ns course left
the but ~ take either an eatthqnake or
q quart Of warm salt water, ] would
take my chances ON Tie earthquake
After this everybody in the hol,A be.
came Interested, and 1 took ,.il sorts of
rerDedies--5bo, letaoaslc, cold lemonade,
Pepfnr tea, bQnesets ete@ed Quaker,
hoarbohnd syrup. onions aud loaf SUGAR.
lemons aud brown sugar vinegar and
laudanun, fFe bottles fiji. lalsain, eight
bottles cherry Teetoral and ton bottles
Of Uncle Sam 3 remedy, bat all without
effect. One Of tie prescriptions given
by an old lady was-weif, il was dread
ful. She mixed dccoctioi1 composed
Of rbolassos, cataiP, PoppeEmint, nqua
fortis, tnrpentine, kerosene, aud various
othsr drugs, and ipstructeds me to take
win.+ CLASSICAL Of IL every fifteen
minutes / never took bat one dose /;
that was enough ] hlil 20 take TO my
bed, and remain there for two entire
'daSsgi hen ! felt little t.etter more
things were recommended ! was dcs-
pgrstr, aud willing 10 utkc anything.
Plain gin was recommended, then GIN
at.d molasses, then gin ans onions. 1
took all thrcc. detected 80 ,,artieu-
lar result, however, except that ! had
acquired a breath like "a turkey buzzard
and had to change my boar ding place.
At this new place they suggested dif-
fcrent remeA y to any vet tried. 4
sheet bath was reoommended. j had
never Refused remedy Set, and it
seemed poor peiic, To commence then;
therefore ] determined to take sheet
bath, though ] had no i,lea &hat sort
Of arrangement it was IL was admin
isterel at midnight, and tho weather
was very frosty. -AIy-hael- aud breast
were stripped, and sbeet tAere up
pcarcd To bc thousand yards Of ii
soaked in, ice-water was wound around
me until |, ,resembled swqh for col
umhiad. II il u. cruel cxpedient
sWhen tho chilly rag touches ones warm
! Hesh il makes HIM start with sudder
violence and g'ssp for breath, just al
men do inrthe death agm,. 1t froz,
the marrow in my.sbones and stoppet
the beatings of my heart ! thought
my time had come. When recovered
from this a frieiid recomn,stided the ap
plication of mustard plaster 10 ms
breast. &, ! believe that would have
i odfed me. eifectually il it hal not beer
l for young Clemens. When went t,
bed Pit the mustard plaster where
could reach it wlien l. should be read,
for It. But young Clemens got hungr.
in the night, and ate it up. ] neve
sqwfa child with such an appetite.
am confident that he would have eater
me if L had been healthy. After al
this experience you cannot wonder tina
4 I dread going 30 New York.
y hgs $. i, CLEMENS, MARK Twain.)
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