Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-02-27
LOOKING UNDER THE BED.

1t is the habit of many persons to take
a look under the bed before retiring for
the night. Mrs. Evergreen, my beloved
wife, INDUCES, if indulgence it can be
called, In this peculiar practice. l do
not object to it in the least SO long as
she does not enforce the performance
upon myself; but when, as is sometimes
the case, she forgets it until she has put
out the light and ensconced herself I'M
der the comforter, then it is hard that
/, who am not troubled with nervous
aDprehensiyeness, should have to get
out in the cold and do it for her. / have
often remarked to Mrs. Evergreen, when
[ have seen her prying under the bed,
that it was a silly habit, and that the
sooner she gave it up the better. To
this gentle admonition my better-half
invariably replies:
" La, Evergreen! what harm does it
do? It's kind of satisfaction to know
that nobody's under there, and then l
don't think Of such a horrible thing
after Pm in bed"
81 think, my dear, you might just as
well pursue your investigations further
and look into the bureau drawers and
the JneS-DaSKGL.
Evergreen" she will rejoin, don't
mention the idea, or / shall certainly do
so. Come to think of it, q man could
very easily get into the clothes-basketp
Certainly he could, my dear, quite
as easily as Falstaf. You should GER
tainly include the clothes-basket, and
by the by, there's the chimney; why
not look up that as well"
"Now, Evergreen, you're laughing at
me. But | can't leave off the habit, and
/ never will. It's q comfort for me to
know that there's nothing wrong about
it, and don't see why you should de-
prive me Of it."
So under the bed goes the candle, and,
no signs of humanity being discovered,
Mrs Evergreen is able to repose in
peace. But as already observed, this
precautionary act is sometimes forgot
ten, and / am myself obliged to rise,
light the lamp, and report. I've done
it rather more frequently of late than is
agreeable, and have minated as mucn
to Mrs. E. She says:
every well, Evergreen, I'll do it my
self"
But this procedure is almost as bad,
me both in getting out and getting in.
If it were not for increasing this mental
idiosyncrasy on the part of Mrs. Ever
green, by giving her some good reason
to apprehend danger, l should relate to
her what | am about to lay before the
reader. In this narration, therefore, |
ask the public most particularly to bear
in mind that Mrs. Evergreen is of d
sensitive nature, rather apprehensive
and slightly superstitious, and that what
| have to say must under no circum-
stances be impaired to that lady. If
for twoand-tWenty years THAT is the
period of our welded life, and happy
years have they been)-if, say, have
for this long period refrained from i'm
parting the matter to the beloved sharer
of my joys and partaker of my sorrows,
surely the public (which, as we know,
always does keep Il secret) will keep
mine.
All young men, suppose, have love
affairs before they eventually fix their
affections on the one who is to bless
their lot in life. | know that | had,
and | don't regret it. Regret it? far
from it. Mrs. Evergreen is not present,
and therefore | have no hesitation in
saying that if had my life to live over
again I'd like to go through with the
same sentimental experience, particu-
larly if it was to be succeeded by again
leading to the hymenal. altar the pres
ent Mrs. Evergreen.
[ was not bad looking when | was in
my twenties. l think may go further,
and confidently say that "Gus Ever
green" was decided favorite among
the girls of Oakville, and | really be
lieved that / could have had any oil
them "for the asking" AS before re-
marked, Mrs. Evergreen is not present.
and | indulge my thoughts somewhat
more freely than would otherwise be
tie case. | don't think that / cared
particularly for any of the OakvIlle
girls, however, and l might have kept
my heart whole to this day if it had moi
been for the circumstance which | am
about to relate.
Fred Evans, who had been my chum
at school, came to make me a visit al
Oakville for" a day or two" as he said
when he came; but he made it week
or two easily enough after I'd taker
him about little among the ''youns
ladies'" When that time had expired
Fed said he really must go, as he didnt
know what his father and mother
would think of his long absence, but i
ended in his relieving their anxiety by
letter and sending for his trunks.
know how the matter was perfectly
we'll, and that Belle Bronson had be
witched him out of his five senses
Fred tried to put it on to the country
air and the quiet which was benefittins
his health, ETC., but it was no use try
ing to deceive me. and l told him SO
Then he owned up frankly and prom
ised to help him all could, if he re
quired any help in the prosecution 0
his suit. never thought, Belle a flrt
or that she would willingly distress an.
human being; but she had way o
looking in ones eyes as if to captivatt
them, for her more personal amuse
ment. At any rate, she had a large
share of beaux than the other girls
but all their attentions came to nothing
| feared it might be SO with Fred Evans
and warned him accordingly; but Free
said he'd "have her if he tried all hi
life;" that without her life was naugh
to him." that ''she was the only livin
being vino had ever awakened rea
emotion in his breast" ETC., etc. Afte
that / said no more, but closely observes
the lovers, and soon came to the cor