The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-05-09
WIT AND HUmoR.
PANE bus;ness-T The oIaz;ers,


CASUAL ties-Chicago marriages.
PLAIN sewing-Planting on the pra
ries.
Who Joots the bills in the scores of
walkists?
Circus clowns will appear in fool
dress this season.
The 5-cents' savings banks are run
ming on half dime.
Now SOW sEEDsMEN's catalogues in
your waste baskets.
CAN a marriage broker be properly
called moose agent?
The meanest ism in this world is
Observation-Disclosures sufferer.
The man with a nightmare must
dream that he is in sleepy holloa.
FRUT-PEDDLERs will soon be around,
like Noah, with an old ark and load
of pairs.
SICKNESS turned a Western mans
hair from white to dark brown. Proba-
bly, the sick man dyed.
ISTERvIEwERs annoy Clief Joseph
to such an extent that he begins to think
he is an old bnck bored.
"THERE's no place like home" Ell?
Better ask some young man who is pay
ing attentions to pretty girl just over
the way, and see!
THERE are some things that are as
well kept dark. 1t isn't policy to throw
light upon such q subject as an open
barrel of gunpowder, for instance.
LET a small boy catch his kite on a
telegraph wire, and he will exhibit more
ingenuity in getting it down than it
would take to invent q first-class flying
machine.
IT is said that the very center of the
earth is the only spot where one can be
merry all the time, and the reason is
that, as science tells, everything there
loses its gravity.
"YoU always lose your temper in my
company" said an individual of doubt
full reputation to gentleman. "True,
sir, and I shouldn't wonder if 1 lost
everything about me-"
MRS. PARTNaroN, in illustration of
the proverb, "A soft answer turneth
away wrath" says, at is better to speak
paragorically of person than to be all
the time finging epitaphs."
A WESTERN paper, in describing an
accident recently, with much candor,
says: "Dr. Jones was called, and under
his prompt and skillful treatment the
young man died on Wednesday night"
IT was after concert at which some
of Berlioz's pieces had been produced,
| ,tav, N fv>,a II ,a<f ha
how did they execute your pieces?"
Like criminals, sir; Like criminals
Paris paper.
A WOMAN raised to the third power
of widowhood has the photographs of
her three departed lords in a group,
with vignette of herself in the center,
and underneath is the inscription, "The
Lord will provide"
A WOMAN offered her little son his
choice between stick of store gum or
lump of spruce. He was undecided
which to take, and remarked: How
happy could be with either, were the
other dear chaw, ma, away"
A LITTLE girl at school read thus:
"The widow lived on a imbacy left her
by a relative" "What do you call that
word2" asked the teacher; "the word is
legacy, not imbacy." "But," said the
little girl, my sister says must say
limb, not Leg"
AN old gentleman without tact, on
meeting some ladies whom he had
known as girls, in his boyhood, cordially
remarked: "Bless mel How time
flies! Let me see. It is fifty-two years
come next April since we used to go to
school together in the old red school
house. was little chap then, you re-
member, aud you were fine young
women" The old man could never I'M
derstand why his cordial greeting was
received SO coldly.
"a SOFT answer" etc.-Female cpl
cure-"Oh, mister, I'm sure that was
bad one!" Oyster salesman Gndig-
nantly)-" What dyer mean? Then
you shouldn't a. swallered it, muml
I've been in this trade matter O. ten
years, and never" Lady-"Well, it
certainly left nasty taste" Sales
man (mollifed )-~Well, there's no de-
nyin' that some on em is igher in flavor
| than others Punch