The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-07-30
Metcalf's Boomerang.

Mrs. Metcalf," said the magistrate,
''do I understand that you make charge
Of assault and battery against Mr.. Met
calf ?'
"Not exactly, Jour honor; you see-'
"One mlnute," said Mr.. Metcalf 'Per-
NIT me to explain the matter. I wanted
a patent double acting boomerang. The
popularity of the boomerang is that when
you throw it forward 1t flies backward
and hits something behind you.''
"When you throw it behind you what
does it do?"
"Comes straight to the front. On Tues
day bent the kitchen poker into the
boomerang shape and began to study the
scientific aspects Of this remarkable
weapon"
''What tor?"
"Partly for the sake of developing
scientific truths, partly for the purpose
Of killing ducks. If want to kill a
duck with boomerang what do I do? I
walk away from him, go in the opposite
direction. This lulls suspicious in the
| ducks mind. Suddenly take careful
| aim, say at jones' colored man, who is
chopping wood in the next yard. let
! fly and the first thing you know that
boomerang has gone whooping over nv
shoulder and killed duck-dead, dead
as julius Caesar. It's one one of the most
beautiful things in the world"
"Did you ever kill one in that way?"
s'Well that is just the point. No. I
did not. am praeticing, This is what
has excited Mrs. Metcalf. Wednesday
morning, while I was in the back yard
trying the thing, I foregot. I aimed at a
bird house on the grape-arbor, and the
poker went out Of my hand and through
the kitchen window. I apologized to
Mrs. Metcalf and tried again. This time
l aimed right at the kitchen window, in
tending to hit the bird box back of me.
The boomerang must have got twisted
somehow, for the scientific principle was
temporarily suspended, and she went
bang! through the kitchen window
again."
''Struck Mrs. Metcalf?'
"Struck her as wicked outrage. But
explained, and bent the poker back to
the proper angle. Then 1 aimed at the
pump and let her fly. She went up,
turned over, flew behind me, and nearly
Drained Matilda, the hired girl, who was
coming out Of the woodshed with an arm
full of chips, unhappily at that moment"
"Where is Matilda?''
I'm the hospital. She is having tre-
pan-a kind of trap door--let into her
skull. She will sue me as soon as she
comes out. It is hard to suffer for scien
tifc TRUTH ." .-.
But have you managed to hit any ducks
yet?"
"I'n tell you. 1 caught duck and
tied it down to raspberry bush. I pro-
iected the boomerang at that duck two
hundred and seventy-three times, not
counting once when I slipped! I hit
everything within forty feet of the bird.
hit all the loose ducks and chickens; I
smashed the glass in the hotbed; sent
the poker twice through sheet on the
clothes line, dug up all the flower beds,
smashed eleven flower pots, ruined two
young peach trees, broke the top Of the
pump, manned one pet dog for life, but
| never hit my particular duck once. I
don't know why. Probably I havn't cot
the hang of the thing yet"
''And Mrs. Metcalf wants YOU to ston
practicing, does she2" -. ~. :
eyes, sir. But I'm going to learn it if
I have to go to Australia to get the mack
of it,
"Well, I hold you in 800 bonds not to
fling that boomerang again outside of
Australia until you learn how.''
"Very we'll, your honor, but leave for
there on the first train. Tomorrow, ].
Then the Metcalfs withdrew.
There will be some lynch law in Aus
J tralia if Metcalf ever gets there.