Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-02-28
Quips..

they strike u chord-Ot wood.
The fellow who rang the bell for
false alarm of fire tolled lie.
Peter Cooper's memory is failing. He
says New York aldermen were once
honest and intelligent. Cincinnati Com
nlercial.
Breathitt county, KY, is described in
the Louisville CouYier-Jouradi as:
Some matches may be made in
heaven, in the opinion OF the Buffalo
Express, but not walking matches.
whats Biography, Bill?" cts tell
ing of forrin lands that we know nothin'
about by cute chaps that lever seen
EN-" Bill got II government situa-
ton.
If Ajax had only booted lightning
rod agent at the time that he defied the
thunder bolt, his renown would rest on
q more solid basis than it does now.--
Stamford Adpocote.
"Does prohibition prohibit?' asks an
exchange. We don't know. Now stand
still while Wo give you one. Does appli-
cation apple?" Or, if you want an easier
one to begin, does emigration Emma?
-Ercbdnge.
There once was garrn0us drummer.
Who likewise was known as a hummer
lie went to the West
To pull down his vest
And didn't get back till next summer.
"Why, Willie" said his mother, at
dinner, "you can't possibly eat another
plate of pudding, can your" "Oh, yes,
can, ma; one more plate will just fill
the Bill"
- a land where revolver and life
Are used Tor the purpose of settling disputes
Where life is regarded as only a trte,
And us usual for people to die in their boots
An impossible feat for female pc
destrian is to walk thousand miles in
a thousand hours past one thousand
millinery stores displaying the latest
styles of spring bonnets. Philadelphia
Chronicle Herald,
The head of a mule is too heavy for
the other portions of his body.
1t makes his hind feet fly up too easy.
-Neo Orleans Pieayune.
"The place for your napkin is in your
lap, says the New York Herald. "The
man who can't protect his shirt-front
without a napkin ought to practice in
gymnasium" Why is the Herald man
SO captious?
We hope all the papers in the state
will give publicity to the fact that De
troit hand-organst makes $500 year.
And also mention incidentally the fact
that the fare to Detroit was never lower.
-No1Yisto,0qa Herald.
The supreme moment of young
mans existence is when lie sees his best
girl coming down the sidewalk, and he
IS SC busy cleaning the show window
that lie hasn't time to change his linen
duster before she comes pat upon him.
-Nelo Hapea Register.
Homely women should not ascend
the stairs of the elevated railway slowly
and broadly. If man has to lose Il
train because homely women will not
let him pass, they must suffer the in
dignity of having him eriticise the enor-
nous size of their heels.-NeW York
Herald.
Judge Lockwood, Of Washington,
is evidently not a student of human ma
ture. She placed flowers upon the
desks of senators who procured her adj
mission to the bar of the supreme court.
She ought to have presented them with
cork-screws.-Ne,e York Commercial Id
Uertiser.
IN a primary school not long ago, the
teacher undertook to convey to her pu-
pills an idea of the uses Of the hyphen.
She wrote on the blackboard Birds
nest and pointing to the hyphen asked
the school, "What is that for?' After
short pause small Fenian piped out,
Place, ma'am, for the burd to roosht
n."-Boston Globe.
Being in confidential mood, the
other evening, Lawyer Pleadwell was
induced 10 tell why he didn't marry
young Miss Tenderheart, to whom he
had formerly paid attention. "Well,'
he began, lone Sunday evening called
upon her with the intention Of bringing
things to a focus. | had thought Of
nothing else for week, till my mind
had got into such state of agitation
that | hardly knew what | was about.
We We're sitting opposite each other,
talking on casual matters, when | sud
denly braced up, and looking Mary in
the eye (rather sternly, ! suspect, said
/, Now answer me without equivoca-
tion-mind, you're on oath--tell me
whether or not, to the best of your
knowledge and belief, you are ready
and willing to become Mrs. Pleadwell?'
Well, gentlemen, she showed spirit |
had little suspected, and which thor
oughly awakened me to an appreciation
of the fool | made Of myself. Mary
was on her feet in an instant, raised her
self to her full height-she had never
seemed 50 tall beforehand with DIR.
Pleadwell, when | am ready and willing,
| will send you word, sir she aounced
out Of the room. And well, /
thought I'd be going. Now, gentlemen.
this is not to be repeated added
Pleadwell, half repenting his burst of
confidence. All promised not to tell,
and that il how we heard Of it.-Boao,i
Transcript
A I.IQroR-BELL-rUScH bill il before the