The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-09-18
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DEfCs.f-BR.lC,

Many Nelly &. was written fot
. Nlrs.Sartoris.
! The Chinaman had n good grip o.,
tho idea when he spoke oft cucuiIi
ef as "no belly good."-Puuck.
Jupiter is not very well ut present
got big spot on his crust eighteen
! thousand miles in diunicterA- yellow
fever, perhaps.
The ministers arc inclined to con.
slider it Il special bcncfaction of Provi.
dcncc that the vacation month of Au-
gust this year contained five SUNDAYS.
The ingenious Detroit Free Press
advises rs follows: Back Kicking
horse against Il wall and let him real.
iZe how little there is in this world
worth kicking for.
ieicSFamS nssurc>us that tho Zulu
country Is quiet. All that seems need
cd now IS to persuade tho Zulus to
emulate the example Of their country.
Dos. ItUnS.
AT a Colorado lynching they had Il
brass band in attendance which played
selections from "PinatOrc." The pris-
oncr said ne was willing to die, and
did nll he could to help ulong the
preparations.
III the queen of England proposes
to continue her ancient pastinie of cat
ing bread and honey in the parlo,, she
will have to get both portions Of her
feast from America this ycar.--C Chico-
go Inter- Ocean.
circumstances alter opinions. The
passenger on the way train thinks il
tarries too long ut stations. Not so
with the man who is running rapidly
towards tho depot and hears ihc wills
tie toot when lie is ycta block away.
"A gentleman has started a cafe
Just opposite cemetery. lie dcdi-
Gated his house "to those coming from
tuncralS,' and announces on his Sipn ::
"Privatc rooms for all who desire to
weep by themselves. Wines and lio-
nors ofthe very best"
There are eleven less pianos in
this country than there were. They
have been shipped to japan. which
wants more Of them. We don't want
to be too sanguinc, but you will admit
yourself that the outlook appears hope
fnl.--DonbHry NewS.
Advertisers think, with Daniel
Webster, that "therc is always room at
the top" but there is no greater error
than the supposition that readers al
ways look at the head ola column.
Many an advertisement at the bottom
or column gets readers that the toD
doesn't draw -Cou,Icr-Joulmql.
Tho tomato is masqucrading about
tho market stalls under moro aliases
than you can shake stick at. There
nrc tomaytocs, tonartcrs, tommytocs.
tomattuses, tommattOcs, Tomatoes.
and the other day we heard Il woman
inquire. "lIow dye sell yer torna-
docs ?'-Nc~ IiorcM Register.
Province Press: George is five
years old. His mother had untlrcsscd
him for q bath before putting him to
bed. AS he stood before her he said,
"Now, mamma, Pm II kid Eyes.
DEAR she said. "You know what
kind ofn kid l am, mammal" s.No,
darling.' We'll, na-Eid." Ills moth
cr says that is good for kid ofhis age.
AT o'clock in the morning two
duclis S, who were to fight to the death
at place in the suburbs meet ut the
ticket office of the railroad station.
"Gimnc q return ticket as usual" SAYS
the first duellist to the clerk in terri
bic tone and with frrocious twist of
his moustaclin. ell say, do vou al
ways buy return tickcts?' stanrmcrs
his opponent. "4Always." "rhcn
APOLOGIZE"
Mark Twain has realized more
money from his play Of "Thc Gildcd
Age than Shakespeare did from all
his dramas. 1t is not Shakespearc's
fault, however. If Mark Twain had
produccd his play iu Shakcspcarc's
time, and Shakespeare had deferred
writing his play until the present day.
we wager that he could have ''secn'
Mar 8 pile, and "gonc him few hun
drcd thousand better" as old Aristotle
would say.