The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-10-25

Florida man Is luz years old. PROBABLY MS
name has kept him braeed up. IL is Aquilla
McJunkins.
As soon as q man swears of smoking, every
one he meets offers him a cigar.-NeD York
Sar.
The lamb is an emblem of humility, as we'll as
purity. There is no cheek to the lambs chop.
A little boy recently said - Christians are
speopIe who will not be punished for their crimes
if they 20 to church. ''-NeI0 York Herald.
50 Poor man - said the old lady, - and SO he's
really gone at last NInety-eight, was he! Dear,
dear 10 think now that il he'd lived two years
more he'd have been centurion"
A Canadian journal thinks it would take at
least ten thousand men by day and another ten
thousand by night to prevent smuggling along
the border.
The Waterloo O6serrer says Touchingly pic
turesque. tenderly suggestive and bewitchingly
piquant ia about the language to be employed IN
describing the new fall bonnet.
A man out in Nevada found a fortune by
taking a drink Of water. We've taken pint
or more of the stuff in the past ten years, had
no fortune when we commenced, and have not
got it yet.-An OiId0m Sheet.
The biggest fool in the world is dead. He told
his mother-in-law she lied. She did it with her
little skillet.
Judges at baby shows in Kentucky wear
masks. il saves unpleasantness after the prizes
have been awarded.
The recent golden wedding of Charles Francis
Adams at Quincy, Mass. was the third held IN
the same house and family. President John
Adams celebrated there in 1914, when be
was 70, and President John Quincy Adams IN
IS47, when be was the same age. Charles Fran
els Adams il ".
The young couple that cloped from Brooklyn a
few days ago were unfortunate in being obliged
TO pass a peanut-stand during their fight. They
were tracked by the shncks and brought back
home 70 meat no mOre.-i&. Louis Times.
The bell punch is generally supposed to be
modern invention, but il was evidently IN use in
Macbeths time. from the fact that he says. " Go
bid thy mistress, when my drink is ready, she
strike upon the bell. ."-B0sf0n Commercial Bul-
Iefia.
First Boy Where yer been, Billy? ?''
Second Boy Bin fshin'."
First Boy Ketch anythinI' with an anx-
tous expression on his face.
Far-seeing Second Boy. No; but expect
ter, when git in the house"
London Punch $50 If the sun were not broil-
ing, and the sand didn't get into the salad, and
the rocks were soft and smooth, and there were
no hornets, and one hadn't to go threequarters of
"zsSI, "uas tame an--:. Ps~-iO
would bel''
A rule of the Illinois Central Railroad provides
that dogs shall not ride in a passenger car; but
q big and ferOcious bulldog walked into n car at
Chicago, appropriated a whole seat, and rode
three hundred miles unmOlested 80 He had such
q meaning smile" was the conductors apology
for no; ejecting him.
A manageable young man worth $500. 900
may be as ugly hired bathing dress, and his
young lady friends will not admit that he is
homely- They will say, a" Some persons oall Mr..
JOughness ugly, but l can't see where their eyes
are When Mr.. Joughness loses his fortune in
stock speculations, his hOmeiness becomes terri
bly, apparent, and the remark of his former
Young friends is. - Isn't he awfully ugly?" Such
IL life--NOTTiStOt1n Herald.
A cat with nine lives and decided taste for
experimental philosophy expended eight of his
lives in vain endeavOrs to die IN such a manner
as would enable his heirs to prefer a claim that
an insurance company would not contest. At
the ninth attempt he succeeded, and passed away
with a sweet unc0nsciousness that the company
had that morning been placed in the paws of a
receiver, who said that he had hopes of being
able, in time, to pay 1t purr cent to the policy
holders.
Now, ladies and gentleman, shouted the
book agent, 90 before the picnic concludes want
TO sell every one Of you a copy of the Life Of
Pocahontas.' She was an injun girl, POky was
thew called her Poky for shOrt-but she WASH t
the kind that went around peddling baskets and
blows-guns. Not frequently. She staid at home
playing croquet in the front yard, or went to the
Ladies' Aid Society, and didn't take 10 copPeras
of nobody. The celebrated John Smith came
travelling through them parts as agent for a fami-
Iy paper, but Poky wouldn't let her father raise
a club She married afteFward. and the last act
of her life was to die Of consumption" just
here officer Uncle Sammy Jones approached with
a shotgun and the meeting adjourned.