The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1879-08-02
Premature Celebration of thee
Fourth.

.
Josephus Thistlehummer is q goot
little boy, who lives on Christian Ave.
nue.. He has been saving money since
last Christmas until yesterday. He told
all the boys that he was 'sgoin' to have
q bully old Fourth, You betcher boots!'
He kept his money in savings bank.
The bank was tin, and he put the mon.
ey In at the roof. Tin savings banks
always pay out 100 cents on q dollar.
Some other savings banks do not pan
out so wen. Josephus held a meeting
OF directors yesterday, and it was unani-
mously resolved to remove the deposits
from the valuts of the bank until after
the Fourth. Perhaps labor riots were
feared He removed the nickel and
copper Accommodations through the roof
by means of caseknife and two-tined
fork. They amounted to 1891, which
he put into first class securities-rock-
cts. Roman candles, serpents, torpe-
does, pin-wheels, crackers, etc. He
took advantage of his younger brother
Sebe's (Eusebius) absence to climb to
the top Of the bookcase and put his py-
rotechnic acquisitions there. In two
minutes he thought of a better place.
Hide 'em under the bookcase. His moth
err will find some toe scratches on the
mahogany tomorrow, and somebody'll
get hurt Then he thought of tiptop
place, and took them to the kitchen.
He'd be up before daylight in the morn
ing, of course.
But the cook got up first. She was
up at 8 O'Clock and much surprised was
she to find the fire all ready for lighting
stove filled with nice round pine sticks
and colored paper. Old Thistlehummer
was growing kind, she thought. She
'ouched the kindling off with match
Ind began pounding the beefsteak. The
Eat came in from her family of six at the
stable and rubbed her side and back on
Malinda's ankles, her tail waving her
pine gracefully and billowy. She
buried loud and expectant. The fire
vas cracking gleefufIy. Great guns!
izz- whizz-bang-b boom! The top Of the
'tove went out first. The cat bowled
through the window, leaving a strong
'mell of burnt fur trailing after her. The
hired girl ran on into the yard and went
,ver the fence like q hurdle jumper.
Then she fell in St.
Old Thistlehummer awoke and re-
marked to his wife that he sposed the
,lanked idiocy had begun. Then he
leard more, and the house rocked like
anal. boat in storm. Thistlehummer
8 q brave man, but when he came down
tairs and gazed into that kit .hen he was
shaken. Rockets, Roman
pin-wheels, serpents and fire.
hackers were holding high carnival in
he sacred place, chasing each other as
possessed. A sky-rocket, which had
cen impatiently sputtering away in a
orner, reused itself for final effort.
nd carried away two of the old gentle
mans front teeth (they were false,
hougb), then gayo him q parting kick !
the back, leaving permanent lum-
ago. sts1f nj Il
They managed to save the rest of the |
ouse without calling on the fire depart
1ent, though the end next to the kitch-
q was burned as black as free lunch
yer.
Josephus will never forgive Malinda-
ever. Z" Nothin' but kerlessness, /" says
laster Thistlehummer; "she'd orter
,oked,n
But Malinda is at the hospital, and
he cat, az she never returned. has, it is
found another boarding
ouse. = Indianapolis Nesos.
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