Daily globe., 1879-05-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

get the laugh on the army overcoat.
No horse-car conductor is too bashful
to ask male passenger to nelp him lift
the car on the track.
A mans curiosity never reaches the
female standard until some one tells him
his name was in yesterdays paper.
A few square inches of ice scattered
around oa the steps make front stoop
more formidable than cage ofbyenas.
1t is positive fact that the poet who
will coolly and deliberately make
"distress' rhyme with "mistress'' is born,
not made.
No matter how firm friends two men
may be. as soon as they go into any bust
ness in which dollars are involved, they
put on the eyeglasses OF suspicion.
IL didn't know" said an old lady, as
she laid down her newspaper, ''that
thieves were so scarce they had to ad-
vertise tor 'em, and offer reward for
their discovery"
This is an imitation of Mr. Norristown
Williams: A medical exchange says seal
skin caps are so warm that they cause
the hair of the wearer to fall OFT. This
is probably the reason most editors are
baldhcaded.
"Oh, ma, if Jesus is Gods son, where
is Gods wife2" asked a sweet little boy.
"Gods wife7 I-you-why, Charles
Gods wife" That boy wouldn't bulge
eyes, where is Gods wife2" Goods
wife, my son-he-Go6 was widower"
That satisfied him.
A philosopher says that women do not
| 20 fN hor Ia 10
take exquisite delight in remembering
where their husbands leave their slippers
and in taunting the poor creatures as they
so roofing under the bed after the truant
Observation-Disclosures Courier
A handsome and witty Partisan LADY,
at her last reception, observed journalist
taking notes OF her bon mots, s'Be care
full" she said, ''thcse things are not to be
written down. Words are like birds
which pass while singing II you try to
catch them they never come back again.
The other day provincial imposter
was taken up by the police of Paris and
condemned to two years Imprisonment
for selling charms, such as the ace of
clubs, to be worn in the heel Of boot.
IA liberal editor complains of this SEN
tence, because there is hardly gambler
in Paris who has not his fetiche.
Il A young man of Teutonic parentage
got marriage license at the court house
few days since, and remarked, as he
turned to go: "By Shorge, this is the
most handiest court house in the gun
try. You gifts your marriage license in
this room, uud den you can shtep right
into Shudge Yades' room und get mar
ind ~
shtaits in the circuit court und get di-
vorce !''-Peorsa Cali.
When, just ten years ago, Hector Ber-
lioz came back from St. Petersburg suf-
fering severely from his disease, he went
to Nelaton.
The great physician examined him,
and asked, 'Are you anything of phil
osopher?"
"Yes," said the patient.
''Then you'd better get all the conso-
lation out Of your philosophy that you
can-for you will never recover"
If there is ever time in the life of the
washerwoman when her heart IS made to
beat with joy, it is when she finds a dia-
mond stud in the unwasbed shirt of the
young man who owes her years wash
bill. Then she laughs to herself and
says: "Hell pay that bill before he gets
!, that back, as sure as my name is Matilda
Jane. Rome Sentinel. And the young
: man laughs and says to himself !:
, "There's $40 wash-bill paid with 25
cent diamond"
A refractory Irishman in jail named
Dennis McGinnls, refused to work. The
; keeper said to him: "McGinnis, you go
to work or the pump" "Niver," replied
t, the Irishman. A second time the keep
l. er ordered NcGinnis to work, but he re-
t fused to bulge an inch. "Now for the
last time, McGinnis," exclaimed the
keeper, "you go to work or to the pump
# "Niver, sir" said McGinnis, straighten-
ing up to the full dignity of man. "Be-
4 dad, sir, I'll lave the Jail first"
t he was venerable and agricultural
t looking man, atttred in the latest New
d Jersey fashion, and he stood On corner
. near Washington Market. Holding up
Y his left hand, and gazing refectively
/ upon the pieces OF string, tied around an
: equal number of fingers, he soliloGuized
t "That's to remind me-get spool of
t cotton tother means don't forget the cali
j co. BIT what in thunder's this one for ?
u 0us Wy Su" lu6t uOu SCL Il
:. again. ."-Neao York Commercial.
}. A young lady was sitting with gal
n liant captain in a charmingly decorated
4 recess. On her knees was diminutive
e niece, placed there pour les conuenances.
Il In the adjoining room, with the door
e open,were the rest of the company. Says
|. the little niece in a jealous and very au-
y dible voice, "Auptie, kiss me- too" I
l., leave you to imagine what had just hap
g pened. "Ycu should say twice, Ethel
It dear; two is not grammar" was the i'm
: diate rejoinder. Clever girl, that.
!, When Young Hyson, who is COM
is mission merchant and an importer, came
lr home to dinner one evening last week,
/ he found Mrs. Hyson just parting with a
,. caller and describing some s'lovely''
It Chinese lanterns she had bought at Ven
d eer's on Washington street. Hyson's face
If grew dark as the narrative proceeded,
a and when the door closed upon the visi.
'e tor he turned to Mrs. II. with lowering
e brow and asked, "what have you been
y fooling away money on at Veneer'sa
n "Don't be such a bear, Harry" said Mrs,
y 81. 81 only bought dozen of these
t, lovely lanterns, nice for ornaments and
:, pretty to use in the country next summer
e and they only cost a dollar each. DID
st you ever see any like them tefore" .'See
h 'em!" groaned Hyson; g Ut; they
a sent me 1000 of 'em in the Mandarin and
t, have only sold one lot, and that wa,
is 100 to Veneer for $l5" Tears and tableau