The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-01-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
ANTS that keep the world busy Inf
ants.
To ASK man to pay bill is as easily
said as dun.
The girl of to-day perfects her form
and-stays so.
WHO ever heard Of barber taking in
a silent partner?
WE presume the caves of the ocean
are mostly salt rheums.
The unwearied sun, from day to day.
Doth mostly hide himself away.
A YOUNG man with his first goatee
NAV be said to have had tuft time of
it,
THERE are two as to spell separate,
but the wrong way is spelled with the
more e's.
AN exchange is of the opinion that to
speak of tailors as sound on the goose"
is fiat irony.
DON'T run on errand, little boy
you might injure it with the nails IN
your boots.
The lady who purchased suit OF
catskin fur, said it was just what she was
in pursuit of.
"HULLoA, Charlie! What's the mat
ter? Training for racer" No. Tom;
racing for a train"
The difference between Turner's ia
nous picture and cutting your chin is,
one is slave ship and the other "A shave
slip.
PEOPLE who take their meals ut res
taurants must shudder when they read
the advertisement, Wanted-Women
for buildings"
\ WOMAN that can't turn the house
upside down hunting for u thimble
is devoid of one of the most graceful
charms of her sex.
How DO you make a Maltese CROSSE"
was the question before the institute.
And one of the schoolmarms answered:
Tread on her tail"
WELL, dear, what did you learn ut
school this week ?" "Oh! mamma, darling,
such stupid, stupid things that never
want to think of them again.
THE easiest way to convince an In
dian that whisky is injurious is to let IA
big demijohn fall on his toes. You
can't convince him by argument.
PAT MURPHY SAYS there are SO many
! fish in the sea that, if you should take
every fish you could catch out of it,
he didn't think there would be one less
in it.
MOTHER (noticing her sons greedi
ness D" George, you should always
leave the table feeling that you could
eat little more George-"I do,
mother
A FELLOW out West got a sentence of
twenty years for stealing horses. That
is what might be called an Evarts SEN
tence. 1t was very long, Wheeling
Leader.
A PAIR of mules have been blown to
pieces at coal mine in Kentucky by
nitro-glycerine. Nitrosglycerine, it is
thus demonstrated, can go one better
than kicking mule.
SAYS the cynical Free Press: Moth
| ing does doctor so much good as to
prescribe an ocean voyage for a sick
man who can't raise enough money to
pay his street-car fare down town."
Miss MADE-UP OLDGAL-Yes, love
the old oak; it is associated with so
many happy hours spent beneath its
shade. 1t carries me back to my child
hood, when-when-" Young Foo
de" When you-er-planted it
IT doesn't feel good when man goes
into the dark pantry and attempts to
dive his hand down to the bottom of
the jar where the fried cakes are kept,
TO plunge it into foot of raspberry
jam. 1t isn't good for the jam either.
A BEAUTIFUL English lady was walk
ing in the Rue de la Paix. when a
French dandy greatly annoyed her by
pertinaciously logging her and glaring
at her. She turned upon him and said,
Really, 1 have not single sou to give
you
II HAVE lost my weigh" said weary
looking man to policeman whom he
met on Clark street, the other after
noon. And, when the peeler offered his
assistance to set him right. the stranger
remarked that perhaps he should have
explained that somebody had "got
away" with his scales. The policeman
fled. Chicago Tribune.