Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-12-04
VARIETIES.
a. the press-Cider.

An Indian agent-The tomahawk.
Boston Post.
The best trade mark-$.-NsO
HaVen Register.
ga hot discussion frequently makes
q cool friendship"
People of no account never run IN
debt.-0SnciNnaE Commercial.
"A London secondhand dealer adj
vertises for cast-of artificial teeth.
Next to wife the easiest thing for
a poor man to get is to get in debt.
A postal card is feminine thing.
1t can't keep secret. - -Ctnctnnat8 da-
zette.
Many men become round-shoul-
dered by carrying trouble'-N. Z. E@-
press.
Fifteen thousand dollars has been
collected for the children of the late
General Hood.
Smith wants to know what good
the new French cable is going to be to
people who don't understand French
There's one good thing about these
wide belts; they keep the human arm
from marking the dress That is, so
we have been told. d.-HG1Dk-Bye.
One of the most popular organiza-
tions among working people is the
.'Corset Pressers' Association" at New
Haven. Everybody wants to join.
-Lady-"How old are you, little
boUpn Tittla DarkeV-"W Well, If you
goes by wot mudder says, Is SIX but ii
you goes by the fun Is had Is most a
hundred"
Why" the boy asked, edo you
blow down the muzzle of your gum
s'To see," replied the man, eff tits"
And Just then he discovered thatit was.
--HaWk-Bye.
The second attempt in the United
States to roll imported steel has just
succeeded in Vermont. From imported
English blooms the St. Albans Iron
and Steel Works are rolling steel rails
without flaw or blemish.
1t is strange how the sudden open
ing of parlor door will send two peo-
pie to the end of sofa and set them to
counting the figures in the carpet
There must be something powerful in
the draft to blow human beings around
in that way.
A New Yorker was robbed the
other day of 1923, 900 in broad daylight,
and he didn't discover the theft until a
few hours afterward. We should like
to see anyone rob us of $28,000 in
broad daylight-Or in narrownightlight
either 1t can't be done. -NOTr58to'0m
Herald.
"A Mianus (Pa.) minister, while
marrying couple recently, was rather
disconoerted on asking the bridegroom
if ne was willing to take the young lady
for his welded wife by his scratching
his head and saying: Yes, I'm will
ing; but I'd a much sight rather have
her sister,"
The subject for conversation at an
evening entertainment was the intelIi-
gence of animals, particularly dogs.
Says Smith, "There are dogs that have
more sense than their masters" "Just
So" responds young FitznOodle, GIVE
got that kind Of dog myself"
Did you ever notice that there is
something really musical in the pitiful
weeping Of your own baby, God bless
it, and something-something, every
thing fiendishly disCordant in the
squawling Of your neighbor's bowling
Young OneP How is that, any how,
that t always is that wayP-HalOb-Eye'
Gen. James Harding, Railroad
Commissioner Of Missouri, is doing his
work in q novel manner. He is now
on a 2O0-mile walk over the railroads
of Northwest Missouri inspecting the
condition of the rOadbeds, rails, ties
and bridges. The work, he claims,
can't be properly done in a palace car
or from car platform.
An Indiana man has for several
wears believed himself to be dog.
Usually, when you hint in the most
delicate manner that man is q cur, he
is mad In a minute. What q relief 1t
must be to meet a man who will accept
as a high compliment language that
would put another mans tongue, fists
and feet into dangerous activity
Boston Transcript
judge" You must admit that the
proof against you is overwhelming"
Thief" Your Honor, l do not perceive
it in those lamps The witnesses were
not sure they recognized me, and | hid
away the stolen articles where they
could not be found by the police. l
should think that under the circum-
stances am perfectly Innocent
Galveston Nes0s.
Some ingenious creole at New Or
leans has invented a lovers alarm
clock which strikes loudly at the rea-
sonable hour often. As it sounds, two
little doors open and a man with
dressing-gown and cap glides out hold
ing in his hand a card inscribed Good
night" AS he bows and smilingly re-
tires the suitor takes the hint, says
Goodnight" and then departs.
Caller TO postmanl =" want 70
send fifty francs TO my son; how much'll
ii COST" Postmaster--"T Ten sous.'
Caller" There you are" [Gives him
ten sous. Postmaster Hi, there,
but where is the fifty francsP" Caller
--" What, have / got 10 give you the
fifty francs, tooP don't see what saw
ing there is IN this money-order busi-