The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-07-10
MULTUM IN PARVO.

cial.
If you desire to make friend of her
for life, pretend to mistake her for her
daughter.-B0ston Herald.
The Detroit Free Press has the news
that Missouri farmers are driving posts
into the grounds to hang to when cy-
clones come.
A MISSISSIPPI man puts it thus: eat
the earnest solicitation of those whom
owe money have consented to become
q candidate for County Treasurer"
An ethereal maiden called Maud
Was suspected Of being a fraud.
Scarce a crumb was she able
But in the hack nantry OLavdl
-Tate City Voice.
IT is seriously asserted by an English
physician, as aresultof his professional
experience, that every healthy person
may, with entire safety, make q trial
of total abstinence.
A CERTAIN Congressman boasts that
he is q self-made man." Those who
know him best say he never did UNDER
take to make anything without botching
it.-Norristow Herald.
AYOUNG man the other day got mar
ried against the wishes Of his parents,
and; requesting a friend to break it to
them, said: "Tell them I am dead, old
fellow, and gently work them up to the
climax"
Irwas q German orator who, warm
ing with his subject, exclaimed: "There
is no man or child in this vast asse M
bly, who has arrived at the age of fifty
years that has not felt the truth of this
mighty subject laundering through his
mind for centuries"
How ARISTOGRATICALLY nice must q
salmon feel as he swims along in COM
pany with an Insignificant and boneful
shad, when he considers that he is
worth sixty cents pound and his fell
low-finner only brings seven in the
market.-Brooklyn Union-Argus.
REV. DIR. SoMN1FEReVs. having the
week previous married couple, Is i'll
terrupted by the ex-bridegrcom while
enjoying the paper and quiet cup of
tea. Ex-Bridegroom-Ah! my dear
doctor, allow me to present you with q
little memento $50 billy That mar
riage turned out better than Iexpected.
IL oVOs y-"xxO" VJSS " ACtUv yVVJts
"HAvE you any objects of interest in
the vicinityp" the tourist asked the
Burlington man. 81 have, 1 have"
eagerly replied the other, .but I can't
get at it to show it to you. It's a
ninety-days' note, and it's down in the
bank now, drawing interest like horse
race or q mustard plaster" The trav.
eler smiled as though an angel had
kissed him. But it hadn't .-H0wk-E ve.
1f you were to accuse Miss Adalina
de Flukey of overweening self-conceit
you would not abash her in the least;
she would retort that one had a perfect
right to admire the masterpieces Of Ma
ture. The day after the announcement
of her engagement to Fred Dory, an
old friend offered his congratulations.
mot me-" she said, and She twitched
her nose haughtily congratulate
Fred" PUCK.
THIS is the view taken of it by an in
FAINT of st. Joseph, Mo-: Little Fred
die was undergoing the disagreeable
operation of having his hair combed by
his mother, and he grumbled at the
maneuver. "Why, Freddie" said
mamma, "you ought not to make such
fuss. don't fuss and cry when nv
hair is combed." eyes," replied the
youthful party, "but your hair aim
hitched to your head. "-Editor's Draso-
er. in Harper's Magazine for July.
Why is it that a great many good
people like Doctor Paulo Post will per-
sist in believing that the days in which
they live are the worst DAYS that ever
were? Is it q silly and morbid vanity
of experience that makes them think
so? Is it the same trait of human ma
ture as that which leads people to boast
of their hurts and their ailments; that
incites reformed inebriates to Guido
one another in picturing the degrade
tions into which they had fallens Is
1t spirit akin to that of the small boy
who, when juvenile epidemic was
raging in his school district, was chop
fallen enough until it had reached his
home, and then came to school in tri-
umph, crying out, "My little brothers
got the a-sels!''-Editor's Table,
Sunday afternoon.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Boston
Journal tells the following story of his
experience in that city in 1847 or 1913:
was then young man just entering
business, and had the impudence to
allow what little beard Nature had
blessed mo with to grow, not excepting
the upper lip. Il do not think there
were more than two or three men in
Boston who dared to wear q moustache,
and they were foreigners.) Cne day I
had applied to the Washington Bank
for discount. The President was the
father OF j. Charles Baldwin, whose
residence was at or near the corner of
Essex street. The notes were returned
with word that "nothing was DONE"
AS had never been refused before, I
thought it strange, and I interviewed
the Cashier, who referred me.to the
President. I found him in his room,
and, approaching him, asked why the
notes could not be discounted. Raising
his eyes and scanning my face, he re-
piled: ave cannot discount notes for
person who wears q shoe-brush on
his face" Argument was useless, and
rather than give up the mo1stache
(Which has never been shaved to this
day. l removed my account to another
bank.
L. D~A