, 1879-12-01
Wit and HumOr.


see, the newspaper says" Another old
landmark gone"
A paper advertises foe sale pew
which commands view of nearly the
whole congregation"
A Chicago ladder maker ran away
with another mans wife few weeks
ago. Pass him around.
This was what dentist, who seized
avictim's molar, once said: Piece ably
if I can, forcep-ly if l must"
Married ladies will please look up
their husbands. Fanny Davenport is
coming Buffalo Express.
The shrewd old granger who wants q
lot of land broken up now gets up
plowing match for prize of IS.
The man who invented the gas meter
has achieved the nearest approach to
perpetual motion that we will ever see.
Americans are not allowed the privi
lege of suffrage iu the Arctic regions.
At least nobody has ever getten to the
poles.
doctor, examine my tongue" said
a good woman, "and tell me what it
needs" 1t needs rest" replied the
doctor.
"By their:fruits shall ye know then"
was written long before the small boy
carried home apples in the legs of his
trousers New York Express.
The report is without foundation that
the limberger cheese factories in this
country are not making 6 SCENT
Steubenville Sunday Chronicle.
One reason, says the Detl oft Free
Press, why chil1ren like their mother
the best is because she rarely can find
the bootjack until after the occasion
has passed away.
A lady told her little son, who was
teasing for something to eat, to wait
until breakfast. With tear in his
eye, he burst out: ~ jest honestly
sometimes think you're a stepmother!"
A very weak tenor in Dublin singing
feebly caused one of the gods to shout
to an acquaintance across the gallery,
"Corney, what noise is that % BE
dad" said Corney, I believe it's the
gas whistlin' in the pipe"
EASY ENoUGH.--The Rome Sentinel
has an article on "How to Detect Ripe
Watermelons." That's easily done,
says the Boston Post. You eat the
melon, and if it doesn't give you grip
like Free Mason it is ripe.
In these piping days of peace there is
room for only one more pad. The
heart, lungs, liver, kidneys and throat
having been padded, somebody should
bring out the mouth-pad with the
motto: Stick up and shut up"
Bridget Ito caller). evil ye kape
still minnit while look at ye? No,
missis hain'tto home. She told me, if
woman come with a wart on the ind
av red nose to say she wusnt at home;
an there's no mistakin' that wart."
lis this sweet engaged?" asked a
young fellow of young lady in car.
And he said it so handsomely, and with
such evident admiration, that she took
her bonnet-box off the seat, and let him
sit beside her And-but we antici-
pate.
What did you do then ?" asked
Colonel George, after badgering a wit
ness in the Lowell railroad case, at
Salem. &c I went to the rescue, like
lawyer 80. a mans pocket-book," re-
piled the witness, and the retort was en-
joyed all around.
A woman who was having her first
introduction to the telephone was told
by the operator to place the instrument
10 her ear and listen to the words the
wire would speak to her. "And now,"
she said in all innocence, shall talk
with the other ear ?"
''This," said the dentist, SIS my
Office"
''And that?" inquired visitor,
pointing to the apartment where stood
a tooth-pulling chair.
:. Ah, that replied the proprietor
g that is my drawing-room."
THE PARsoN.-" I'm very sorry to
hear. Mrs. Brown, that you were pres
ent, last night, at q s Pl ymouth Breth-
ren's tea-meeting. 1 have often told
you that these doctrines are highly
erroneous" Mrs. Brown" Enron 'ous
sir, their doctrine may be; but their
cake, with Sultany raisins, is excel
lent p
Old Lady" Boy, boy, isn't this
very dangerous Boy" Very dan
gerous indeed, marm there was lady
a ridin' up here last year and the
donkey fell and the lady were chucked
over the cliff and killed." Old Lady
"Good gracious Was the donkey
killed too?" Boy" No, marin that's
the VERY donkey Fun.
A small boy with big cent in his
hand stood before a Michigan Avenue
grocery for long time yesterday before
making up his mind to enter. When
asked what he desired, he inquired:
If a boy should come here and get
trusted for stick of gum. how much
would it be %
One cent" was the reply.
And if boy should come here with