Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-02-12
THE REMoRsELEss BARBER.
in Burlington Hawkeye.l


The wild, ungovernable passion a
barber has for trimming your hair l
was in Boston, thinking about a lee
ture | was expected to deliver in the
evening, and 50 badly scared that |
couldn't remember the subject nor
what it was about | went into a
fremont street Institute of Facial
Manipulation and Tonsorial Decora-
ton" and inquired for the professor
who occupied the chair of medieval
shaving and nineteenth-century
shampoo. One of the junior
members of the faculty, who was
brushing an undergraduates coat,
pointed me to a chair, and | climbed
in. When the performance was about
concluded, the barber said to me,
Have you hair trimmed, sir?'
/ believed not.
Needs it very badly, sir" he said
looks very ragged"
never argue with a barber. l said
"All right, trim it a little, but don't
make it any shorter"
Immediately trimmed all the curl
out of it, and my hair, naturally, you
know, has a very graceful curl to it.
| never discovered this myself until a
few months ago, and then / was very
much surprised. | discovered it by
looking at my Autograph.
Well, anyhow, he trimmed it.
Two days later | was at Bath, Maine.
Again | was shaved, and again the
barber implored me to let him trim
my hair. When | answered that it
had been trimmed only two days be-
fore, he spitefully asked where it was
done. l told him, and he gave ex-
preston to a burst of sarcastic laugh
ter.
well we'll, well" he said at last,
so you let them trim your hair in
Boston. Well, well. Now you look
like a man who has been around the
world enough to know better than
that"
Then he affected to examine a lock
or two very particularly, and sighed
heavily.
dear, dear" he said, 81 don't
know, really, as | could do anything
with that hair or not it is too bad.
Well, his manner frightened me,
and | told him to go ahead and trim
it, but please not make it any shorter.
mo" he said, ''oh no, it wasn't
necessary to cut it any shorter, it was
really too short now, but it did need
trimming.
So he trimmed it, and when I
faced the Roekland audience that
night, | looked like a prize-fghter.
In four days from that time | was
sitting in the chair of a barber down
in New York State. He shaved me in
grateful silence, and then thought
fully run his fingers over my lonely
hair.
Trim this hair a little, sir?" he
said "straighten it up about the
edges2''
| meekly told him | had it trimmed
twice during the preceding week, and
| was afraid it was getting too short
for winter wear.
Yes" he said, she didn't know but
what it was pretty short, but you
didn't need to cut it any shorter to
trim it. 1t was in very bad, ragged
shape at the ends.
| remained silent and obstinate, and
he asked me where l had it trimmed
last. | told him, and he burst into a
shout of laughter that made the win
dows rattle.
What's the matter, Jim?" inquired
an assistant partner down the room,
holding his patient in the chair by the
nose.
Jim stiaed his laughter and replied:
This gentleman had his hair
trimmed down in Maine"
There was a general burst of mer-
riment all over the shop, and the ap-
prentice laid down the brush he was
washing and came over to look at the
Maine cut, that he might never forget
it. | surrendered. Trim it a little
then" | grOaned, but in the name of
humanity don't cut it any shorter"
No the barber said, he wouldn't
make it a hairs breadth shorter"
When | left that shop, if it hadn't
been for my ears, my hat would have
fallen down clear on my shoulders.
When | reched the hotel everybody
started, and a couple of men got up
and read a handbill on the wall. de-
scriptive ola convict who had recently
escaped from Sing Sing, and looked
from the bill to myself very %intently.
That night several Of the audience
drew revolyers as | came out on the
platform.
Then l went to Amsterdam. n. Y.
The barber of that sleepy village, who.
in the interval ofhis other duties acts
as mayor Of the town and edits the To-
cal paper, undertook to shave me
with a piece Of hoOp-iron he pulled
out of his bootleg, When | resisted
he went into the kitchen and came
back with a kitchen knife and a can.
opener, and offered me my choice. !
selected the can-Opener, and he began
the massacre, remarking incidentally
that he used to keep a good sharr
spoke-shaye for his particular custom.
ers, but he had lost il. Then he said
my hair needed trimming very badly
! protested thatit was impossible il
had been trimmed three times within
ten days, and was short now as a bus
mess man on the first Of January.
oh he said, 1T wasn't too short
and besides there wasn't no style about
IL at all He could give it some
shape, however, he said, without max.
ing it any shorter.
SO | surrendered and told him tC