The Portland daily press., 1879-06-30
TERMS $500 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE.
Cap and Bells.

Chicago Tribune; The Worlds obelisk
causes as much amusement in New York as
any OF its other fables.
Uncle Sam: The ten-cent japanese fans will
be decorated this year with highly improbable
focks of red hens refusing to be "shooed" by
ridiculous blue woman.
Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald: Short dress
es are now all the rage in Paris. This is glori-
Gus news to the American women who have
grown left-handed in the back from STOPPING
over to pick up their trails
Boston Advertiser: Little Andy has got to
the head of his class at last 81 hope you will
stay there now," says his father "Oh no,
don't think will, pa, says the thoughtful
boy; 81 might get too proud"
Burlington Hawkeye: The beauty of sum-
mer in the temperate zone is the amount Of
physical exercise man can take. He lies
awake and fights mosquitoes all night and
writhes with the flies and prickly heat all day.
They must miss these things in the tropics.
A French newspaper says that in a certain
Irish cathedral there used to be shown three
skulls, one little one and two big ones, which
the guide described to visitors as the skull of
st. Patrick when he was a child, the skull of
st. Patrick grown up, and the skull OF ST.
Patrick as an old man.
Waterloo Observer The young woman who
desires to have herself published in the news
papers as fascinating, beautiful, and accom-
plished." will please pack up her clothes in
dirty towel, crawl out of the back upstairs
window some dark rainy night, and elope with
the man who curries and feeds her dads
horses. It's big price to pay for compli-
ments, but it will bring them Just as certain as
dirty ralnwater barrel will beget mosquitoes
in July
French Newspaper: A bunch of climaxes-
The climax of imbecility: To write to the
keeper of the museum of the Louvre to dCs
mand of him the hand of the Venus of Milo.
The climax of abstemiousness of temperance
in diet: For cannibal to make his dinner
out of Sarah Bernhardt, and have enough
left over for breakfast! The climax of despot-
ism: To forbid any one to protest-a draft
The climax of indulgence: To refrain from
correcting-ones style. The climax of power
ty: Not to have as much even to gnaw as the
Dlb VI Oue Drlule. Inc climax OF ABSENT
mindedness: To suppose that you have left
your watch at home, and pull it out of your
pocket to see if you have time to go back and
get it!
Burlington Hawkeye:-A new comet is COM
ing-st down, sit down; sit down; what is the
use of getting excited? 1t is only visible from
the second peak of Mount Aytchimboguandal-
ahasta in central Asia, and only there with
three story telescope, and then it is only visible
twenty minutes at midnight, and not then un-
less the atmosphere is exactly right; and when
it is visible it only looks like a star about half
the size of the little one in Jobs coffin. By all
the starry worlds that swing in space, when
1--WE" were boy the comets used to come
around every summer, with heads on them like
fire-balloons, and tails that stretched from the
big dipper to the southern cross, and wagged
back and forth like bewildered torchlight
procession, and came so close to earth that they
put the moon out Out on these single-bar-
relied comets, three for a quarter, that they
get up for us in these degenerate modern daysl
We wouldn't walk from here to Asia to see q
hundred of 'em.