The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-10-18
Trouble in the Choir.
By A. T. woRpES.

By A. T. woRDES.
There was something so unusual in the singing Of the
choir,
That the pastor looked up mildly from the tenth of Jere-
miAh,
And with ~readjusted glasses peered along the foremost
While q hundred necks were twisted in stsre from all
below.
As before the rolling thunder comes s distant wAiling
moan,
There was presage Of disturbance in the very organs
tone,
Just the popping of the pickets. ere the battles awful
dir,
Or the tuning Of the fddles ere the orchestra begin.
An unprecedented observer might have seen with half an
eye,
There was waiting an explosion that would blow them
all sky-high,
Or spontaneous combustion, to accept a modern name,
That was waiting just q motion to burst forth into flame.
The soprano sat in grandeur, with her book before her
face,
with her BACKBONE turned in anger on the alto and the
bass;
While the tenor stood beside her with an elevated nose.
And the organist paved madya at the pedals with his toes.
How could any one but angels sing when they are doing
so,
Though the hymn was Songs of Gladness," they would
make it " Songs of Woe"
When we sing about devotion. some devotion we must
feel,
Or our plaintive tones of worship will psrtake somewhat
of squeall
But the alto sung her solo, and then left it to the bass,
who was gnawning at his fine moustaehe, and looking for
the place
While the organist, in anger, sung the leading part alone,
And the tenor tried to follow, but it ended in a groan.
AS the horror-stricken people heard the discord rising
higher,
1t was patent to the simplest there was trouble in the
choir;
And the organist, in fury closed the organ with a crack,
And the alto sobbed in anguish, and the choir had gone
to rack.
When the pastor went amug them with a view to recon
Gle,
The soprano told her story with a sanguinary smile;
1t appeared a wretched ch'rister had introduced a girl
With a bran new style of singing, and a most distracting
curl,
But. to cap the bitter climix, this usurper wore a hat,
Just a duck, a gem, a beatty, and it made the rest look
fiat;
And the straw that broke he camel's back, and made the
wreck complete
She came early Sunday morning, and usurped the leading
seat.
When the pastor asked tie tenor why he left he said:
because
The soprano said his ches-notes sounded just like filing
saws;
And he overheard the altcOne night whisper to the bass,
That a man with such a great moustache was a palpable
disgrace"
And the bass informed tn, pastor that he sacrificed his
views
Acu 10 Nd1lC III JOLACt ihC SAopO1S AOAi W ASAP III
up the pews;
He was an Episcopalian, and if people thought he'd take
ANY nonsense from a B,btist, they had made a great
mistake.
Then the organist and alb both put on an injured look,
Saying something in an nndertone about a change of
book;
And the pastor overheardthem, as he gently closed the
door,
Use the words, ga poor I'D fogy,' and "a sentimental
bore"
And he scratched his poor grey noddle, and he ambled
down the street,
With his spectacles on forehead and his overalls on feet;
Yet 1 really think our pastor has a hope of throwing oil
On the troubled sea of music to allay the sad turmoil
In the meantime service opens with old China or
"Bethune."
And the Deacon with his tuning fork gives the people all
the tune;
And the organ gathers cobwebs and the people gather
grace,
While they roar out g. Coronation" to the Deacon's hoars-
est bass.