The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1879-07-02
ALL SORTS.
A short paragraph-this one.

j Let us be thankful that we live,
move and have our potatoes.
What most newspapers suffer from
about this time of year-Rumor-tism.
To newspaper man three lines of
a news item is worth barrel of poe
try.
Sweet girls-Mo-la -lasses. Sharp girls
l-Cut-lasses. (Tbe editor trusts
these are not fal-lasses,) ..,,
The bald headed paragrapher Of
the C0urser-JournaI says ssit is the
steam from the brain that makes
men bald" l4- 'lse'1,s,.,l
There are too many men trying 10
solve the problem of how to live
without work, and this is what keeps
up hard times. a
If dates are left out of marriage or
death notices by the writer's, should
not the compositor be expected to
insert the right dateP
"Solid BREWER p shouted the fore.
man, and the heart of ye poor typo
went down into bis boots. Yea,
verify, to his innermost sole.
The Gar is accompanied by Su-
waroff. We have heard of the latter
frequently about the 1st of January,
but never saw him in the flesh.
A handsome youth being cues.
toned by rather stylish lady as to
his occupation, replied that he was
"an adjuster of movable slphabets.
He was printer.
People who seldom read newspa-
pers are spared at least one mortif-
cation. They have no idea how fire.
quently they make fools OF them
selves in conversation.
A St. Joe. editor had an article
headed, "What is it we drink?" aud
rival editor went over to the near
est saloon and ascertained that is was
usually the clear corn juice.
The woman who put her tongue
to hot fiat iron to see'if it was hot,
how sits calmly and sees her husband
pull of his dirty boots on the parlor
carpet without word OF dissent. -
Some men can sit on candle box
and lay out the Europeon campaign,
and tell almost everything that is to
occur in the future, except where
| their next dinner is to come from.
Sainte Beuve says, "In every man
there is poet who dies young The
editors waste basket indicates that
the man doesn't know the poet is
dead, and keeps on with his nonsense.
Rhode Island has satin quilt over
one hundred and ninety years old.
Think ofthe thousands and thousands
of curtain lectures and recriminations
it has been witness to, ETC., etc.
How much more bitter than worm
wood and gall it is, when you at
tempt to k-that is TO press your
girls head close to your own. to be
jabbed in the ear by the pin that
holds her hat on.
The editor of a Virginia paper was
asked by stranger, eff it were pess-
ible that little town kept up four
newspapers" And the reply was:
"No; it takes four newspapers to
keep up the town."
The Markham Economist says
1--WE are a puzzled editor" So are
we, Bro. Corson, and from the same
cause as yourselv, viz: "to know why
in thunder people don't pay up their
subscriptions" l to 80
Aunty-Well, love, did Mr.. M'Sil-
ler propose? Edith-Ne, aunty; but
he was on the verge of it when
Aunty-When what, darling2 Edith !
When the clock struck and re-
minded him that there was only Just
time to catch the last cheap train,S
and he had a return ticket 10 i--
An Irish waiter at a Christmas,
gathering complimented q turkey in !.
the following manner: "Faith, it's
not six hours since that turkey was
walking around his real estate with
hands in his pockets, never dhraming
what a purity invitashun he'd have to
jine yees gintlemeD at dinner"
An unlucky Irishman was once i'm
prisoned for an infractien of the law
His faithful wife visited him and
found him greatly cast down. With
the intention of cheering him up, she
said: "Arrah, be aisy, Paddy; shure
yell have an upright jedge to tbry
ye, anyway" "Ah, Biddy," he groan-
ed, "the divil an upright jedge
want; it's wan that'll lane little"
A lady dropping her handkerchief
on Winter street the other day, La
dismann's quick eye caught the flut-
ter of the dainty thing as it fell to :
the walk. Quick as thought he had
pounced upon it, and with doffed hat
and his sweetest smile he approach
ed the unknown fair with MADAME,
your band" He got no further.
1t was only Mrs. L., disguised in an
other new suit. Selling the cambria
as cat would mouse, she gave La
dismann look eloquent of scorn and
contempt, remarking, "Don't stand
there grinning like sick monkey,
John Anderson; and you'd better
put on your hat before you get cold.
People at your time of life, and bald
headed at that, should be careful how
they expose themselves" Strange
that some women cannot bear to
have their husbands gallant to the