The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-07-17
HUMOROUS.

bass ?"
'"The pole-an-"
May" Interrupted the Younger {;
"she should wear al"
"Crino-line and a net" suggested the
Elder, manifcsting some interest in the
cOnundrum.
"Wrong again." said the younger"
"she should wear-''
eff she went giggtng, and saw an eel
and wanted TO jabot, she"
"GreaI C;csar?'' impatiently ex-
driving at2"
eff she didn't understand casting a.
fly" ventured the Elder" "she might
accidentally hook her dress, and-''
But the Younger waited to hear no
more. lie ran for passing street car,
shouting as he ran, ''she should wear a
Fichu, man''
and the Elder faihtcd on the spot.
In FOR THE WABAsH.-At the mouth
Of Justice Alley were six boys, whose
looks and actions betrayed that some-
thing was about ootohappen, and po-
ilceman halted and inquired what was
in the wind.
eyer see that boy up the alley
there?" explained the leader of the
crowd, as hc stepped forward; "well,
he don'tknow whether he favors bridge
or tunnel-Vanderbilt or tho Wabash
and we've given him three minits to
decide. We're In for the Wabash, we
are, and we're going to have a bridge,
we are, and If he don't jine with us
we're going to wollop patriotism right
into him, straight from the shoulder /"
The crowd moved ahead, ready for
work, and the lone boy tossed up his
cap and called out:
Hang feller who won't go In for a
Western ontlet-'rah for the Wabash
Road 70
AN EMBARRASSING UNANIMITY. - A
commandant Of cavalry, good soldier
put rather rough to his men, understood
that there were many murmurlngs
against him.
The commandant Is a man of quick
action. so when next grand man9uvre
was ordered, he addressed his soldiers
as follows:
II hear that some of you have COM
plainst against me; now if any one Of
you have anything serious to say, l
would be glad to have you ride out
from the ranks that it may be ex-
planned -
AT this the whole corps moved for
ward.
The commandant looked second,
and then crying "Halt!" went on with
the exercises without a word.
SHE FoRGOT SoMErHINa.-A lady in
Portland, Maine, called at a jewelry
store, and after making a purchase,
went home. Two hours later mes
senger called at her house and Informed
her that she had left something at the
N nl lnN1o l&H
mused, "What can it be2 Here is my
pocket-book, and there on the sofa IS my
fan, and l have my gold watch here,
and my bOnnet-why where Is my bon
net p--oh, there 1t Is OIL the floor; it fell
off the table-and really I can't think
what l have forgotten--. Why, to be
sure How abscnt-mindcd l am! de-
clare, If haven't forgotten my darling,
precious little babel" And so she had
only that and nothing more.
Hrs pantaloons were of the most deli
cate hue and his coat of unreasonable
shortness, and as no looked into the
water through his shaded eye glasses,
watching the line in his hand sway
back and forth with the rocking of the
boat, he soliloqnized: cav, this wea-
ther Is delightful and the demnition
little tinners take the bait nicely. Aw,
[ always was a flat fisher, aw, but how
| awkward to getthis fellow Off the hook,
without spelling mans good clothes, I"
and good-sized founder gave three big
tiOps into his lap.
The Rev. Mr.. A--waS more prOmi-
nent IN his day for the brilliancy Of his
Imagination than tho force of his logic.
at one time he was preaching on "The
Ministry of Angels" and In the pero-
ration he suddenly observed: 81 hear
a whisper !" The change of tone star
tied the deacon who sat below from a
drowsy mood. and, springing to his
feet, he spoke, 81 guess It's the boys In
the gallery"
JUDGE to witness: "How do you
know the defendant is a gentleman; did
you ever visit at his house ?'' "No, sir -
"Did you ever see him at the bedside of
the sick and sutferingp" "No, sir. .
with him ?" "No, sir.' "Have you
any acquaintance with hlmp" "No,
| sir; but he wears the longest ulster with
the biggest plaids in it of any man up
our way"
A LITTLE downtown chap startled
one of the handmaidens in the family a
few mornings since by announcing
| "Fresh sheets are wanted on brothers g
bed. He has got meascls, ana the bed IS
just fall of them."
A FARMER in the neighborhood of
Doncaster, was met by his landlord who
| apaoata6 him thuu. ETobp I {,,tan1 ko