St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-04-11
Squibs.


GENTLY recorded occurred on st. Pat
'ick's day. A young man, to hector
young lady attendant, said: "This is
St. Patrick's day. Where is your green
bow 7" As quick as a flash came the
"You are green enough for
me; come along"
The other evening, at little dinner
party up town, one of the guests, the
younger brother of an English noble
man, expressed with commendable free
dom his opinion of America and its peo-
pie. 81 do not altogether like the
country" said the young gentleman,
''fOr one reason because you have no
gentry here" ''What do you mean by
gentry ?" asked another of the company.
"Well, you knows" replied the Eng
lishman, "Well-Oh, gentry are those
who never do any work themselves and
whose fathers before them never did
any" "Ah,n exclaimed his interlocu-
tor, ''then we have plenty of gentry in
America, but we don't call them gen
try, we call them tramps." A laugh
went around the table and the young
Englishman turned his conversation
into another channel.-Grdphic.
think twas in September, if l right
ly now remember, that heard knock
ing, knocking at my door; yes, know
twas in September, for quite well |
now remember, he had been there
knocking at my door. But l opened
not, nor wondered, as upon my door he
thundered, for he yelled, ''Say now will
you settle this 'ere bill bring you ?n as
he battered on the door; and l ans
wered, calmly answered, "NevermoTe."
Oil City Derrick.
Garret Zabriskie of Saddle River
nearly went aloft the other day from
taking a swallow of lye, supposing it to
be sap. If he had swallowed as many
lies as we have, one lie would merely
have tickled him.-Ne,u York CONNER
eidl AdrertiSer.
A member of the rhetoric class in a
certain college had just finished his
defamation when the professor said,
MIR, do you suppose a general
would address his soldiers in the man
ner in which you spoke that piece 2"
''Yes, sir, l do" was the reply, ''if he
was half scared to DEATH"
A Norristown scientist has a theory
of his own about the shower of brim-
otouo Ill DeIhS duu LenlSH cOunGleS
forr days a5v. He says 10 UarnO off of
walking matches.-NOTiStOl0 Herald.
Miss Dods's cooking lecture, the 9TH
er evening. Lady soliloquizing ''Now
that she's got it cooked, wish she'd
tell us how to use up cold mutton"
Next day lady overhears and remarks
81 have some infallible recipes" First
lady, alert with pencil and notebook
"Will you please favor me?" Second
lady-"Six bOysw-PhiLadelphia BulIe-
tin.
'George, dear, don't you think it's
rather extravagant of you to eat butter
with that delicious jam ?" ''No, love
economical. Same piece of bread does
for both"
The New Haven Register has hit up
on a novel way of disposing of the
"Pinafore." 1t is to bind it up with the
family Bible. Nothing else will effect
ually put it out of sight and sound.
A scientist named Ritter calculates
that 900 years ago the sun gave out
ten per cent. less heat than at present.
Upon calling the attention of our sold
est inhabitant" to this assertion, he said
that, according to his recollection, Rit-
ter is right in his estimate-that there
are ten per cent. more linen busters and
straw hats worn now than there were
even 100000 years ago.-NorriStop
Herald.
The idea that fruit eaten at night is
deleterious is proved by the bad effect
it had upon Adam from eating an apple
after Eve.-BOston Commercial ADDER
tiser.
1t is now believed that Mr.. Tilden
habitually wears liver pad. Every
day some new and more terrible dis
closure makes the American people
glad they did not elect this man presi-
dent.-Haockeye.
A Detroiter, who died the other day,
had invested in Lottery tickets for 18
consecutive years and never drew a
prize. He had been buried two days
when his last ticket turned up lucky.
The prize was a silver-plated butter
knife.
''Take your dress to woman,
madame" said Moschowitz, the New
York dress maker, to lady who sug-
gested that he might piece sleeve to
save her buying yard of velvet; "my
time is too valuable to piece sleeves.
Adieu.n
Scene-German recitation room, Mar.
1880. Tutor: Mr.. x, please translate
the following sentence, ''My brother
has a glass of water and a piece OF
bread" Mr.. X dropped from '8Ol
''Please, sir, | don't know the words
for water and bread we always did oul
sentences last year in beer and cheese. ,
Yale Record
Two men doing business on GriswolC
street met on corner and indulged il
hard words over a transaction whicl
neither seemed to understand yer,
well. AT length, to bring matters to {
climax, one of the men called out: &C
denounce you, sir, as a malicious liar |!
"Fhat's all right" cody replied tn,
other; 81 have made it life rule neye
to pay any attention to anonymou
communications, and you are perfect,
safe."-Delroit Free Press.
De world owes nobody nofin. D.
man dat spects to git long am he,
sumthln' to eat an place to live he,
got to bounce arOun' am let de worl,
understan' dat he is ON de git! IF an,
well man, no matter what de culleiI
walks this town with an empty stomach
1T am his own fault, an amt gwin,
to I'LL 1t fur him. Now let de purceed
ms purceed,- Brother Gor1nea. a, ~