The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-02-20

Inc gas companies aInr ID Gnat Eoisoi
is suffering from gas-trick fever
1t is high time Montgomery Blair wa
writing another letter.
The worst hangman in the world is thu
pig-headed man who "hangs a jury"
"As they are sown, 80 shall they rip,
said the man to his careless tailor.
Pennsylvania and Indiana will have
to adopt the bell punch to keep run o
the hangings.
No wonder Polar expeditions are mo-
generally successful. They are met with
coldness at every point.
Life has been described as a great
river; and many men, in travelling down
the stream, get full.
"If, said Uncle Pete, "a fellah creatur
hates me- I'm his superior; if l wuz to
hate him, would only be his equal"
Upon witnessing the success of any
new invention of genius, ones first
thought is, 'how simple it is, after all p
Virginia used to be called the Mother
of Presidents" And now Judge Bradley
may claim to be the father.
Marble wanted Tilden to Saddle
Blackstone" but the old man saddled it
it all onto Pelton.
J. N. Free will doubtless retire, in dis
~ ri, I haf Co1 u
assumed all the pressure.
The lion is king, but when he goes
on hunting expedition in the night, he
is actuated by Democratic principle.
Now when the Reno Investigation is
concluded, let's have an investigation of
Jackson's conduct at the battle of New
Orleans
If the British want to clean out that
Zulu Chief, they should go over into
Canada and order Gen. S. Bull, with his
forces to go to Africa.
Gen. Butler is in favor of a pension for
rebel soldiers. He used to be in favor of
sus us-pension of the same men.
Gone to gloryl' was written of the
murder who was hung Gone to the
tropics" would have been more appro-
pirate.
We do not believe the people of Ohio
want Hayesite for Gubernatorial can
didate. They cannot Foster such an
idea.
The New York Herald heads dis.
patch about the Cheyenne Indians wild
Hogs Tale" Itis probably an app endage
to former dispatches.
A man is generally conceited until he
attempts to take an immense washing
from the line, and carry it, clothes pins
and all, into the house at one load.
Mr. Tilden thinks he would not have
accepted the Presidency after it had
been bought. Well. Samuel, you didn't.
It wasn't bought.
Little Jim says that cutting notch
in a stick will not remove warts, but cut
ting a stick will sometimes produce
welts. He's tried both.
1t has been intimated, by Mr.. Hayes
friends, that he will consent to run in
1880, if Mr.. Tilden runs. Perhaps he
will Perhaps he will run home, to Ohio,
and stay here.
The average salary of clergymen is
said to be $780, So, when a man hears a
very poor sermon, he can console him
self with the thought that the minister
gets very poor pay for it.
a prominent clergyman Of Chicago is
lying at the point of death. Yes, this
does sometimes occur. We believe Col
Pelton would lie at the point of death
or anywhere else.
There is," said the minister, in de-
scribing the regions of darkness, "a
great, consuming fire raging" "Git
out the hook an ladder company, an
ring for the steamer !'' shouted sleepy
deacon.
A Virginia paper says Mr.. Tilden
"does not possess a magnetic influence
over the masses" No2 But Uncle
Sammy possesses few barrels of very
good agents in producing magnetic infu-
ence.
It is said tine Adams Express Company
delivered at Is, Gramercy Park, few
days ago, package containing very
large pair of horns. They were for Mr..
Tilden, and came from James Anderson.
of Nebraska.
Mr.. Conkling's enemies now say that
he fooled with Civil Service Reform until
she found it was loaded" Many a man
has had the same experience with bad
egg.
A Young man coming in late at night,
refused to tell his comrades where he
had been, only remarking: 81 secured
the booty" Then they knew he had
called on his girl, and remained until
after the old gentleman came home.
Sin frequently thrives on very slen-
der foundation. We have known man
who, in the innocence of slumber, could
cause more profanity to the square inch
than whole brigade of organ grinders,
simply by snoring an d grating his teeth
"Smith," said old man Tilden, as he
tenderly laid down his silk-lined over
coat, "I have bad cold, and cannot un-
derstand readily; what's this 1 hear
about ciphers ? Was there anything
wrong? Was the dear cause of Democ