Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-06-06
VOL. IL NEW SERIES. VOL. XXIN

ing a cat through it, turned over bucket of
clabber on the new carpet and the baby, and
finally departed with n slam of the door that
ciattered the crockery to the uttermost parts
of the house, and with a withering maledle-
ton on "these gawl-busted women, any
how RI Louisville Courier-Journal.
A popular concert singer, advertised 10
participate in an entertainment IN Missouri
village, excused her absence on the ground Of
having a severe cold in the head, and the
next day received the following from an ad-
mirer This is gouse greze melt it. and
rub on the brge OF yore noze until cured.
luy you to distraxshun.
Everything is about two weeks late this
spring. Even the sea-serpent, which regu-
larly makes its debut at the watering-places
about this time of year, has not yet appear
ed We cannot decide which seaside resort
to honor with our presence until We know at
which one the sea-serpent is going to board.
| Il -[Norristown Herald.
Put into your friends ear great nuggets OF
wisdom, bristling with the choicest eloquence,
and he will say, Jones is a good fellow, but
a confounded bore. But let him talk for an
hour, and, though you utter never word,
| yet lie will go away impressed with your dis
tinguished intelligence and miraculous con-
versational powers. Boston Transcript
| An Army Incident.
HOW An OFFICERS SERVANT ACTED As THE
| ''GRAND ROUNDS.
From the Boston Commercial Bulletin
As showing the attachment OF some of the
military officers servants TO their masters,
| will relate an incident which occurred in
| garrison town in which the writer was sta
! tiourd for some lime. Au officer ul rank IN
the artillery was named ia garrison orders ~
the officer Of the day. As the grand
rounds" it was his duty TO visit the garrison
guards at night. Having sat pretty late at
mess ana being fond OF the bottle, his gait
was very unsteady when he rose from the
table to proceed to his quarters TO dress for
duty Before dressing LIE threw himself on
I'm Just snatch halt an hour's sleep call
me at O'Clock.
At o'clock the servant attempted TO rouse
him, but without effect. The serys mt got the
officer upon his feet, shook him, applied wet
cloths to his head. but all to no purpose
the gentleman had been going on short al
lowance OF sleep for a week, and now nature
had taken hold of him, and, being backed by
the wine he had drank, held him fast. The
servant was almost frantic, knowing well the
consequences that would ensue if his master
did not make the grand rounds. While won
derlng what course to pursue his eyes fell
upon his masters uniform, sword, etc, all |
ready laid out ior hun TO put on. The mas
ter and servant were about a size : the cloth |
ing of the one fitted the other to perfection.
There's no other plan, said the servant |
to binself 1T an awful risk. but I'll at
tempt 1t.
Hastily throwing oil his clothing he dom
ned his masters regimentals splendid |
uniform OF the artillery. buekled on the |
sword, drew the heavy busby over his brows,
and casting an admiring look at himself in
the glass, notwithstanding his anxiety, lock-
ed the door upon his master and went out.
The orderly was waiting in the harrack guard
room and turned out with the guard to pre-
sent himself
Go ahead ~ said the pseudo officer.
Which guard first, sir -
The magazine guard.
The orderly led the way. Guard after
guard was visited, and the servant began TO
enjoy the masquerade. II was something
unusual for him to be announced as grand
rounds, and TO have a guard present arms
to him. There was no suspicion that the
master and the man had changed places for
the time being, although the subatern Off
Ger i'll charge of the main guard perhaps felt
little nettled to have his friendly salutation,
after the guard had been turned in, respond
ed to SO gruffly.
found his master still sleeping. Unable TO
resist the temptation TO admire himself once
more i'll the glass, the servant paraded up
and down the room, casting sidelong glances
at thc mirror While so doing the officer
awoKe. lie WAS not IA Little surprised to see
what appeared TO be himself strutting up
and down the apartment. He soon discover
ed, however, that the apparition was his ser
want, and, anxious to know what the unusual
l.. 4. l.. ha car I
want after two or three turns sat down and
eisurely drew off the spurred boots, divest-
I'd himself of other articles of uniform IN
their order, and then, heaving sigh, said
Its id well over"
Il should think it is" cried the officer /; I
what dye mean you rascal, cy putting your
self into my uniform, eh Z
Il didn't know you were awake, sir do
you know what time it is 2"
The officer had forgotten that he was ON
luty, but it now flashed upon him at once.
Jumping from the bed he looked at his watch.
.lIalf-past four My God, I'm ruinedl' r.
Then, turning to the servant, he said
Now, then, why didn't you call me at /
o'clock DO You know what you We done?"
''Sir, | might as well have tried 10 awaken
a dead man. | used every means to awaken
you, and you will see by the stains on your
linen that l even deluged your head with
water
TOO late to take tine guards now, groan-
ID the officer 1.-THE night has passed away :
md day ia breaking
''Never mind, sir cheer up The grand
ounds visited the guards everything is
,orrect Just make ont your report as if you z
lad taken the guards. c
What dye mean I
al mean that | have been the grand 3
-ounds' TO might, and acted the part so well I
hat not a soul suspected but that it was you. c
Now you know why had on your uniform l.
The officer stared at his man moment +
do You mear to say that you have per-
me and taken the guards a
''les, sir that's it. | personated you" v
The officer grasped the servants hand b
Ashton said he, 'you have done me a v
,reat service tonight | sEan't forget it. " Il
Nor did be forget ii, and the servant kept II
lis counsel 30 well that the incident would II
lever have become known but for the officer
himself, who blurted it out one evening while :;
II his cups TO some Of his associates. The =
tory was too good one TO keep, and it 7
quickly spread over the garrison. The nu- :
horities, however, paid no attention 10 it, :