The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-03-27
PASSING SMILES.

A NAE whs works with . VILLA
lawyer.
MEN who always act on the square
Chessmen.
The whitewasher's business is always
slack.
WE meet to part again, as the ball
said to the bat.
No matter what rank vegetables may
attain, the cabbage will always be q
head.--Haokensack Republican.
The man who has nothing to say takes
up all your time telling the lamentabls
fact.-Neto York NeDs.
NEVER say to the man running across
lots in the immediate lead of wild bull,
BE not swift to take fence !"-Boston
Transcript.
In Mexico the most enterprisipg of
the newspapers are printed in the after
noon and distributed or sold the follow.
ing morning.
CON this head" said the lecturer,
"there is nothing left to be desired"
The baldheaded man in the front row
immed ediately rose to call to order.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
WILLIAM WINTER declares that he
0Au uOb WHO GuUW. Dub
we ere convinced that Beautiful Snow
is one of the productions of winter
Chicago Tribune.
A LITTLE Keokuk girl, seeing milk
man salting his cows the other day, said
with much animation th-t he did it to
| make them drink lots of river water
Keokuk Consultation.
The man who farms his brains to
their full extent year after year, and
does not believe in occasional fallow-
ings, will find at last that brains, like
land, will run out.-At5any argus.
A WIT having been asked by another
person whether he would lend friend
of theirs money, said, What! lend
him money! You might give him an
emetic and he wouldn't return it."
On being deserted by her adorer, q
young lady in the millinery line broke
forth in this way: "Such q wretch
ought to be battered to death with
thimbles and buried in band-box"
FRAME Joy thinks the greatest trial
Noah had, grew out of the fact that he
was, for such long period, cut off from
all intercourse with insurance agents.
IStillaodtcr Lesmbernldn
AN Irishman, upon his arrival in San
Francisco, noting the great number of
military titles, exclaimed: =" What
great battle has been fought near here,
where all the privates were kilt"
YOUNG men sending spring poetry to
thisof6ce will please inclose their names
and addresses, not for publication, but
as an evidence of their insanity in case
they are ever arrested for murder
p Philadelphia Chronicle.
TIE foolish man foldeth his hands
and saith: There is no trade; why
should I ADVERTISED" But the wise man
is not 30. He whoopeth it up in the
newspaper, ana verify he draweth Gus
toners from afar of.
Music has charms to soothe the
savage. This is why we occasionally
see cross dog with brass band around
his Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
FIRST sweH-"L Look here, Fred, you
shouldn't wear SO many big diamonds.
It's awfully bad form" Second swell
BLESS your soul, dear boy, they amt
reat."-Funny Folks.
AL1rTLE boy, weeping most piteously,
was interrupted by some unusual occur
renee. He hushed his cries for a
moment-the thought was broken.
"Ma," said he, resuming his shifting,
"what was crying about just now%
AND now the gay and festive frog
Within the marsh Is seen;
| The loafers seek sunny spot
Upon he village green;
The trade in patent liver pills
Becomes q steady thing
The rhymer with pensive air
Ipdites an ode to spring.
4 GUEST (leaving at break up of party
to old family butler y" Cunningham,
that's not my coat" Butler" 1t maun
be your coat" Guest" But it's mo- my
coat" Butler tdryly)-"A guild wheen
folk dinna ken their ain coats when they
leave this house."
GENTLEMEN who would be considered
; au fait in the matter of dress will Lot
roll up their pants at the heel, as
formerly, but all around. The roll
should not extend over the hem, except
in severe cases of mud, when two rolls
the width of a hem is admissible.
The humorist of the Burlington
} Hasokeye has made six thousand dollars
this season on the lecture platform.
,, This is good deal bet er than sitting in
, an editorial room all night and retiring
t in the morning with paste in your hair.
E -Atlanta Constitution.
2 SOME bold body seized the "Big
Indian" spirit by the leg at a seance in
a. . Beebe Plain, Canada, and though the
!. apirit kicked like an army mule, the
a lights were turned on and Mrs. Huntoon,
c the celebrated medium, stood forth
: revealed.
r The local editor of the Montgomery
(Minn.) Standard evidently felt that q
i poor excuse was better than none when
!. he wrote the following: "The editor
: has gone courting this week and you
!. must make due allowance for the trash
), in this issue"
: TIE walls of a Jewish synagogue at
+ Prague are so thick with dirt as to be
!. absolutely black. Local tradition has il
d that the name of Jehovah is somewhere
i; inscribed on the wall, and that if it were
e to be cleaned the holy name would bs
9 effaced hence for generation after gen
!. Grafton, the CRIME has been permitted to
i. accumulate.
: SPELLHNa matches are very demoral
:, izing.. Jones had been to one the nigh
9 before. His wife is awakened during
. the early morning by some noise below
stairs. "John, John-burglars! sh'
r called, shaking him. +" Burglars,
e b-u-r-g-l-a-r-s-burglars," said he, and
n rolled over to sleep again.
70 A SAW-HORSE Ii q saW-norse IL you se'
e it on the land but if you see it in thu
. bay, bay-horse it will be; and if yor
Re see it in the sea, then sea-horse yol
a will see. The Philadelphia Dispatcl
:. says that Tom Hood wrote somethin,
rs like this before the American Para
n graphers' Association was full,
!. organized.
,e OLD RHYME FOR OUR BIRTHDAYS.
v, Monday, fair 10 the face,
/ Tuesday full of grace,
y" Wednesday. woeful and sad,
Thursday, merry and glad,
Friday, loving and giving,
Saturday, work hard for living,
IS Sunday, never to want.
- | 1rrxr ->,oxy,y ,oJso;&or n q @ ~, ann "a.