Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1879-01-22
NO. 4.
Facts About Sam Snyder.

| IN frcnt OF Byler'S store, and Abner
Byng was there, with his legs cooked
up against post and his chair tilted
back. DR.. Murray was running his
eye down column OF the county pa
per, when he suddenly said:
"Halloa. This is queer, Why, it
says here that an English chemist has
succeeded in distilling whisky from
sawdust" :"
That's nothing - said Abner Byng,
Tipping his thumb.
"How do you mean nothing" ask
ed the doctor.
'Oh, it's old-awful old. | knew
that years ago. Did you ever meet
sam Snyder?"
"NO. never met him."
well, sam was a hard drInker-
must have rum by one means o. an
other. He had no money and nobody
TO trust him or treat him. So Sam
somehow ascertained that whisky
could be made ont of sawdust, and do
you know what he'd dO:''
.'What:'
''iIe'd get so drunk on fence-rail
and cross-cut saw that he couldn't
tell COW from 4 sugar-cured ham.
Put him near a wOOdpile and u saw
buck, and let him alone, and before
eleven o'clock he'd turn out the most
delicious mint juleps you ever tasted"
Easily done, was it,"
Easily: Why one time his family
tried TO keep him sober by putting him
out on the roof and keeping him there;
and do you know what Sam did? Got
a boy to tie wash-boiler and four feet
of lead pipe to a string, and sam fished
'em up, and in three days he had turn
ed every shingle into cocktails, and he
fell through into the garret in such
frightful state of intOxicatiOn that they
had to give him electric shots from 4
forty battery to bring him
back to consciousness.
'You know that 10 be fact, do you:
Certainly; was there Why, that
man acquired a preference for liquor
made from wood, and three times, To
my certain knowledge, he got mania Il
potH from consumption of distilled pie
boards and potato-mashers. He drank
up four sets of ehair-legs one Fourth OF
July, and when his wife stopped the
destruction of the furniture, he eele-
brated the day by calling in three or
four friends to drink a new kind OF
brandy he had just made out of win
dOw-Sill aud clotheS-prOp. Drink
Why, sir, l pledge you my word, Sny-
der in a single winter drank up
smoke-hOuse, three washtu5s and
front door. Nothing cuuld stop him
when he got going"
'Why did he prefer domestic uten-
sils?"
''TIe didn't. There was woods out
back of his house that belonged to his
aunt. Sand 90 out there with meat
saw. or any Kind of a saw he could get,
and in two years he had stimulated his
system with eight chestnut trees, four
persimmons, one OAK, and three sap
lings of various kinds. Trimmed that
grove out so that bis aunt couldn't rent
it to picnic parties. Nearly broke the
old lady's heart, too"
Did ne kill himself drinking?'
"Well, not exactly. I'n tell you
how it was. 1t seems that he was
haunted for long time with the idea
that if he could distil the Presbyterian
church steeple he could turn out an
article that'd bear a resemblance some
how. to old apole brandy. Queer, wa =
MT il: But the man was not exactly
right: his mimi was diseased. SO one
night he got on the roof of the church
with a ladder to steal the steeple.
When he got there-I dunno how il
was, but the idea seemed to strike him
TO taste the thing, maybe to see il he
was right about the flavor, and-he
must have been wild when he did it
he actually swallowed the weather.
cock, and there he stuck, whirling
around all night Is the wind struck
him. Dead: lie was deader'n Martin
Van Buren, when they come 70 take
him down."
'sHe swallowed the weather-cock,
did he:"
"Yes, sir; swallowed it,
'.Well, that wasn't half Is hard to
swallow a your whole yarn" said
Blyler.
You don't doubt my v5racity, |
hope" said Abner. y IOu do! Well,
if you have quarter about You it will
soothe my wounded feelings. only
wanted a
just at this moment Blyler kicked
Mr.. BynS of the porch, and Abner
walked away To the next tavern with a
faint hope that the bartender might
| give his credit one more chance.