The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-10-09
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and Humor.
Small for its eyes-A young owl.
Frailty, thy name is savings bank.
The fastest city in the world--Electricity.
Does standing joke. ever require =
seat2
The sickle that cuts down the green
things-Icicle.
You can tell a young man raising a
moustache as fuzz you can see.
Some one suggests that England should
establish Znluogical garden.
"Hive something sweet to tell thee,
love-" said the honey-bee to his mate.
We never heard Of man so mean that
fly wouldn't become attached to him.
The man who finds pocket-book with
cash in it doesn't look at paper for three
weeks.
An Albany genius calls new suspen-
der which has been patented ''The Con.
science Suspender. 1t owes its name to
its extreme elasticity.
The voice of the young man who got
away with three hundred and ninety six
clans at a clambake is heard in the land,
and it calls tor the doctor.
The climax Of Observation-Disclosures. To
suppose that you have left your watch
at home, and pull it out Of your pocket
to see ifyou have time to go back and
get it.
"The mills Of the gods grind SLOWLY
This Is all because the hands are paid by
the day. Will the gods ever learn that it
is to their interest to let out work by
contract?
If a man undertakes to travel on the
line between truth and dishonesty, says
Josh Billings, he is snre to stumble and
we all kno on which side ov the line he
will fall.
An editor being asked, do hogs pay2'
says great many do not. They take
the paper several years, and then have
the postmaster send it back marked ''re-
fused.
sin pursuing my theme, should like
to cover more ground "Buy shoes
big enough for your feet, and you'll do
It," was the impudent sugges ton from
the crowd.
II have nothing but my heart to give
you" said spinster to lawyer who
had concluded SUIT for her. "Well,"
said the lawyer, grumy, go to my clerk,
he takes the fees,
mo SIR said the gentleman from
Pittsburgh, II was not in the war, but
nay brother was and he was wounded.
All! indeed. Seriously wounded?""Yes,
sir, he was shot IN the horse.
IF you want pug dog, madame,
what is pug2" said dog-fancicr to a
would-be purchaser, "this here ones the
dog; why, his nose is just turnin'
somersets 'atween his ears all the time.
At Bullong: Paterfamilias (who will
do the Parleyvooing himself instead of
leaving it to his daughter: "Oh-er-j'ai
bezwang d o1n boutail de. de-de here girls,
what's the French for Eau de Cologne2"'
"Julius, WY didn't you oblong your
stay at the springs?'' ''Kase, Mr.. Snow,
dey charge too much" allow So, julius p
why, de landlord charged dis colored
individual wild stealing de spoons
Priest: You drunken sot! The very
beasts of the field give you a lesson.
They leave off when they have quenched
their thirst. Paddy: Yes, yer rivrcnce
But where did the bastes :ver come across
strame o. whiskey.
Customer: "What did you think of the
bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby2
Hairdresser: "Nell, really, sir, there
a oS@<sr1s 80 oF 70
his air parted that crooked that could
not ear word"
The following is sign ON barber.
shop in Mansfield, O.: "Tonsorial Arts,
Physiognominical Hair Dresser, Facial
Operator, Uranium manipulation and Clip.
ilary abridger. Sheaves and Hair Cut
with ambidextrous facility:
There is q village in New Hampshire
which has produced Is editors. It was
in allusion to this circumstance that 8
pious deacon remarked: eyes, there
are 20 of 'em, but as they've all left the
town, reckon the Lord won't lay it ur
agin u.s."
sim ruta- baga, and here's where
plant myself" said tramp as he entered
900 AAAo"o0 AooA %ACCPOAt, AA'S oA4N oC0Is
ed himself at the table. 1--WE allels bile
ours, " said the farmers wife, and soused
him with dishpanful of boiling water.
At q party on Nelson street the other
evening the conversation appeared to be
dying out, when bilious man suddenly
observed to lady on his right: II DOM
think they make pills as large as they
used to-" After that the conversation
went out again.
A suitable and smart reply: Young
Vicar Qacetieusly): 'Well, John, how
smart you are this morning; who gave
you the new clothes7" John Qaughingl F.:
ICES, sir, the same as gave you yourn-
the parish, SIR" Vicar retires somewhat
discounted.
When, some years ago, an eminent Aus
tralian was inspecting in that country a
unatic asylum, miserably defective In
construction aud appointment, he asked
what was the special feature in the luna.
~ Of certain patient. "He thinks he
is in hell, SIR" was the rejoinder. III
that was all his delusion," was the reply,
II think he has very substantial basis
for it."