Connecticut western news., 1879-09-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

Docs standing joke ever require seat?
 The clam is Rhode Islands national bird.
 A judge's position is trying one.- Boston Post.
 How strange it is that hot words should produce coolness.
 Dog days will soon be over, then we may eG pect the catl show.
 Mankind worship success, but think too little of the means by which it is attained.
 No Chicago paper is complete that does not contain an interview with an Indian chief.
 When @ mans temper gets the best of him it reveals the worst of him. Yonkers Gazette.
 Ben Buffers only hope of becoming a Governor is to marry a goyerness.- Philadelphia Herald.
 A man-so to speak-who is not able to bow to his own conscience every morning is hardly in a condition to re- spectfully salute the world at any other time of the day,-[Jerrold. As it has been finely expressed Principle is passion for truth" And as an earlier and homelier writer hath it, "The truths we believe in are the pillars of our world. ."-[ Bulwer.
 As they who, for every slight sick ness, take physic to repair their health. do rather impair it, so they who fer every trife are eager to vindicate their character, do rather weaken it-[ Mason.
 If there be one thing on earth which is truly admirable, it is to see G od's wis., dom blessing an inferiority of natural powers, where they have been honestly, truly and zealously cultivated.-[Dr. Arnold.
 Certainly mans wicked angel is in money. I often catch myself with some- thing bold as lion bouncing from my heart, when the shilling rattles, and the lion as small as any weasel sinks back again.
 -"Oh, mamma, that's Captain Jones's knock know he has come to ask me to be his wife P "Well, my dear, you must accept him." "But thought yor hated him sop "Hate him ? do-so much, that mean to be his mother-in- law 1"
 The Government wants $93 490 from Babbitt, the soap man, who is accused of putting more "lye" into his statement to the authorities than into his soap.-Lo,OeU Courier. He will make clean bosom of it, however, nt once. It's soap deferred that maketh the heart sick Philadelphia Bulletin.
 A popular actress in London, wish ing to 20 off on little holiday, employ ed another actress of interior talent, but personally greatly resembling her, to take her place on the stage. The in- ferior actress received all the applause that would have been given to her mistress.
 The tomato is masquerading about the market stalls under more aliases than YOU can shake @ stick at. There are tomaytoes, tomarters, tommytoes, tomattuses, tommattoes, tomatoes, aud the other day we heard woman in- quire "How dye sell yer tornadoes ?"
 -TNew Haven Register. A telegram from South America states that "Warlike operations are paralyzed." This medical form of ex-
 pression might well be extended, till we shall be told that Hostile demon strations are stricken with epilepsy" ," ol
 "The campaign is at present suffering , from rheumatism. "-[ Funny Folks. Young Hawbuok (who doesn't know that Patches and Powder have come ID, -"And in Germany you will drink the , waters, of course, Miss Vavasourr Miss Vavasour detest them.
 Young Hawbuck -"Still, they are capi ,, tai for the complexion. Pimples dis appear by magic. A few draughts' ano you'll need no more sticking plaster. -
 Funny Folks.
 v -Dr. Byles's wit once met with t severe retort. Encountering lady who 7 having declined an offer of marriage = from the doctor, had married gentle 0 man of the name of Quincy, he said E "So, madam, it appears you prefe s quincy to biles." "Yes," she replied n s'for if there had been anything wors # than piles God would have afflicted Jo' S with them"
 l. A letter from Cincinnati, written | s very cautious language, and sigued onl 1t by an initial, made inquiries of tn y president of the Lime Kiln Club ss t h the average number of deaths in tn n club, and suggested that the writer an 'e the president might make a good thin
 by standing in with some medical co y lege and disposing of the cadaver y Great indignation prevailed all throue In the hall at the reading of the commun Id cation, aud resolution was passe k. authorizing the secretary to write o' 'n and post upon the door notice offerir to $20 reward for the arrest of the writ
 of the letter. Detroit Free Press,