Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-04-21

Economy is wealth, but it won't buy
any ten cent cigars.
A Chicago verdict: We find him gull
ty, but not very guilty.
One of the "beauties of spring" is the
cheering fact that it never gives us fall
election.
Bishop Simpson says: Jonah would
not 60 to Nineveh till he had been
whaled."
A suggestion for Sunday-see how a
gold piece will sound striking the bottom
of contribution box.
81 think | must have rich vein of
humor," said Jones, after his eighteenth
boil put in an appearance.
This is too sudden" as the man said
when he stepped on piece of soap and
fell headlong into the wash tub.
Miss Anthony defines marriage as
binding ones self out to one man for
board and clothes" Well, how much
better is the mans side of the bargain?
Every once in a while some bloated
bond holding editor slings off an article
headed, "Pay as you 60" That has been
our invariable rule for years. We sell
dom 60.
Some crusty, rusty old curmudgeon of
a man gave the following toast at cele-
hration: "Our fire engines-may they
be like old maids-ever ready but never
wanted"
An old judge told young lawyer that
he would do well to pick some of the
feathers from the wings of his imagina-
ton and stick them into the tail of his
judgment
The class in German grammar is on
the subject of genders. "Miss Flora,
why is moon masculine in German ?''
$50 that she can 60 out alone at nights,
suppose
1.-The class in grammar will please tc
stand us and answer this question: How
do you parse the word dollar?" "Please
sir. if It's a trade dollar, you pass it fol
ninety cents"
The class in geography was on exhi
bitiou, when the question came, "Wht
discovered the Sandwich Islands p
Every hand was instantly raised, follow
ed by chorus of Joseph Cook !"
"What is the reason" said an Irish
man to another. "that you and your wifi,
are always disagreeiDg ?" because,
replied Pat, 1--WE are both of one mind
she wants to be master, and so do l."
"Pompey, what am dat what goe
when the wagon goes, stops when d.
wagon stops; it am no use to de wagon
and de wagon can't 60 without it p Z"
glib it up, Clem." "Why, de noise, ol
course"
81 suppose" said quack, while feel
ing q patients pulse, 'that you conside
me humbug." "How odd it is," re
sponded the patient, "that you can s
accurately tell a mans thoughts by feel
ing his pulse"
A young man went into a florist
store, the other day, to buy rosebu
for his afianced. Seventy-fve cent
was the price asked. "Will it keep {?
inquired the young man. "Oh, yes;
long while" "Then you may keep it.
History, modern and ancient, show
that party of fishermen may start o.
and forget their bait or some of thei
tackle, but the quart bottle containin
| medioina in oaca ona &C tho nroob H.,
bitten by shark or sea serpent, or a
alligator, is never left behing.
A Detroit lawyer, famous for his wis
and candid opinious, was the other da
visited by young attorney, who explain
ed: 81 was admitted to the bar tw
years ago and think l know somethin
about law. yet the minute | arise to ad
dress jury forget all my points an
can say nothing. Now, l want to as
you if this doesn't show lack of conf
dence in myself, and how can l ovel
come it?" The wise attorney shut hi
eyes and studied the case for momer
before answering: MY young friend,
it is lack of confidence in yourself
will some day vanish, but if it is lac
= of brains you had better sell out yor
office effects and buy pickaxe and
!. long handled shovel" "But how am
, to determine anxiously asked I'll
!, young man. "I'd buy the pickaxe an,
5 how and run my chancesl' whispere
the aged adviser, as he moved over
the peg for his overcoat.