Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1879-11-19
Mr.. siawson's Cockatoo.

Mr.. Slawson is the posseSsOr of n cocka-
too which is moro remarkable for the noise
i: makes than for anything else. It's voice
is not exactly ike foghorn CT a tugboat
whistle; it is worse Everybody in the
aeigh5orhood is threatening TO file legal
papers for its Immediate destruction. This
is alarming Mr.. Slawson very much, as he
has owned the bird long while, having
made its acquaintance several years anterior
% meeting his wife. Consequently, he re-
cards the bird with a sort OF sentimental
yeneration. and even pretends to regard its
vocal lucubrations with critical satisfac-
tion.
lie wss warned by lawye, for the
seventh time that the bird would have to
he brought TO an end unless his voice could
be modified. This, Of course, would be q
difficult thing TO do, as the voice was full
of diabolical weirdness, especially when
directed against a stonewall on a clear, cold
day. Mr.. Siawson is-of the opinion that
If that cocka .oo's voice could only be ma
ierialized il would certainly revolutionize
the rat tail file market. About week ago
Mr.. Slawson thought he would experiment
with the cockatoo and ascertain if its saw
edge couldn't be abated in some way. At
first he was at q loss what to do, but found
his way out of the dilemma by surrounding
The cage by -EOlian harps. As soon IS the
haIps were fixed and the cCckatoo let OF 4
broadside, Mr.. Slawson was Of the opinion
that Paradise was loose on the premises.
But the cockatOo dropped and felt sore at
not hearing its voice reverberate on the
soul OF the average mortal with its custo-
mary weiTdness, consequently Ii reached
out with lis bill and bit off strings enough
to make an aperture sufficiently large for its
head TO protrude through and let ont
shriek that broke a pane Of glass and cut
IA twain geranium that was reposins on
tine window sill.
The -icolian hsrps proving failure, Mr..
Slawson next put the cockatoo into the
huge furnace in the cellar and locked the
door, thinking, perhaps the darkness might
have the same effect; but il did no good
In the middle of the knight, when the
Slawsons were wrapped in happy dreams,
the cockatoO set up long, unearthly yel!,
which passed up the pipes and filed all the
rooms with discord that awakened all
hands and ied them 10 believe the house had
been entered by burglars. The cause OF
the noise being aScertained, the registers
were Immediately turned off and the cock
atoo's notes went out of the chimney in
such volume that the neighbors were all out
with guns TO quell the supposed riot.
On the following day the bird was taken
from the owe and replaced in his cage, his
head being inserted into tin pipe forty
feet long and running along the side OF THE
house, it be ng supposed, as the other end
Of the pipe was closed, that the din would
exhaust Itself without making IFS influence
felt on the community; but the cockatoo
blew the end ont with 9 preliminary yell,
and sent succeeding ones through the pipe
with such force that when hlr. SlawsOn, IN
walking before it, had his hat taken OIL
After this pipe was secured which was
all full of crooks and elbows, Mr.. Siawson
believing that as the birds voice reached
Il sharp turn it would be smashed 10 atoms;
but this also failed, as the pipes only started
the horrible in z serpentine course, from
which it started from the end Of the pipe
Ike a whirlwind, and worked its way
spirally until it spent its force.
Then the cage was raped with poker, .
and the solemn occupant threatened with
all sorts Of disaster. such as being drowned,
shot and taken 10 church; but nothing
seemed 10 produce the desired effect. One
day last week one Of the girls by accident
repeated line from one Of Dr.. Holland 5
poems and the bird turned singulaTly pale.
This happy discovery caused them TO hang
the Marble Prophecy where the bird
could see il to penetrate with proper awe.
On the following day he died