River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-12-25
Light aud I.auynahIn.


To MISUNDERSTANDING from the calf
direct il you have any regard for Your
infants veal.
A man Who has always had his way
in this world ought not to complain if
his will is contested when he die.
Give girl long eye-lashes and small
hands and she will put up with No. 6
feet, and marry all around curly
headed girl wearing ones and half.
The tongue of the real belle never told
SANDER Whitehall Times.
A late Paris paper says that Bartholdi
is now putting head on. Liberty"
The owner of foul tongue is often
Observation-Disclosures Repubi-
can.
Adam should have no monument.
Why, he didn't carry his own state
Buffalo Express.
Kisses by telephone taste like boil
ed china egg on toast.-NeaU York Com
nlerc5di advertiser.
One witness testifying against anoth-
er before the senate committee in New
Orleans, said: "His reputation for We
racity is bad" This would mean that
his reputation for lying is good.
Music teacher to scholar: "You see
that note with an open space: that's
whole note. Can you remember thaif"
Scholar: "Yes'm. A whole note is a
note that has hole in it."
He said to her: "The moon is always
just the same, and yet | always find
some new beauty in it." She said to
him: "Its just so with the circus" He
bought tickets for two.
1t is pity that there is not an acsd-
envy in this country. A woman who
has access to the sittings of the French
academy can wear shabby clothes in
the finest society.
Two men started out to see who could
tell the biggest lie. No. commenced:
"A wealthy country editor"-- No. 2
stopped him right there and paid the
forfeit.
Somebody asked a minister if there
had been an awakening in his church.
mo, siree," was his reply; "there has
been no sleeping IN my church"
When a cat goes for the tail of rat
sticking out of hole, she has an end
in view Boston Post
More boys fell off chestnut trees this
fall than for several years past. Prob
ably because ii is an off year.-Puck.
Like Tom CARLYLE nobiy hate all shams:
have an ear for music, and mouth for clans.
= HonEeFS Gazette.
Speaking of the Indian war, colorist.
who says that III this instance he is
color-bllnd, wonders why the reds
makes the whites feel blue. Well, it is
because the government is green
New York Herald
1t is current bard who sings, II sat
alone with my conscience" Two to
one he never had less fun in all his born
days.
A Utica bootblack who was driven out
OF that city claims consideration here
as a polish refugee.-Syraoatse Sunday
Times.
"a hair on the head is worth dozen
in the hashp' says an exchange. But
then it doesen't attract near SO much
attention.
When a lead pencil drops from be-
hind mans ear, it always lands on
the point and the latter breaks off. If
the pencil has no point, the pencil
doesn't drop.
The housekeeping expenses of the
Sultan are $10,000,000. But then it
must be remembered that he pays for
plumber work by the day, and keeps a
Newfoundland dog whose appetite
couldn't be better.
Sarcasm-Hansom cabby to brother
Jehu (suppressing a volley of impreca-
tions at the tip of his tongue-a four
wheeler had narrowly grazed his horses
nose-as he'd lady lnside): Pray, 'ow
dyer like London, sir ?"-Puncb.
An exchange gives an account of q
W, nan who "had laudanumed herself"
If this sort of thing is to go on.we shall
hear of persons prussic-acidating or
Paris-greenifying themselves ad infni
tum. The language is getting scratched.
N. Y. Commercial! Advertiser.
The late DR.. R was one who could
seldom resist telling a good story, even,
says the Truth, when it turned the laugh
against himself On one occasion man.
servant whom he had recently engaged
astonished him by appearing to wait at
breakfast with a swollen face and pair
of unmistakable black eyes. Why,
John," said he, "you seem to have been
fghtingl" Yes, master, / have" was
the reply. "And who may your OPP
ponent have beenY" "Why, sir, DR..
NJ s man. naming a rival Ecu
lapius. "And what did you fall out
about, pray?' "WhY, sir, he said as
you wasn't fl. to clean his masters
shoes" "And what cid you say
Well, sir, l said you was!"