Connecticut western news., 1879-01-01
WIT AND WISDOM,


 The prodigal's return-Gold comes to par.
 The day after washing day is one of sad irony.
 The inebristes song-This is the way long have set.
 -The. worlds production of gold is one-third less than in 1S50
 -Elongating an old adage we suggest that l" boys will be boys "terous.
 --Romo has population of 2S6, 926 inhabitants, including 5,936 soldiers. {.
 It suits the children to have Kris, come down the chimney, and it ought to soot Kris, too.- Yonkers Gazette. ..I : -" Sausage bees are now the fashion $ in Kentucky, young men and maidens { gathering to grind neighbours sausage z meat. ' " '''. '' '' '-''' "'~' Mem. by an Old Maid--Whasf man propose that's nonsense, goodness knows. The mischief is that man does not propose.
 Among the banners borne in a. temperance procession in country town was one reading: "All's well when daddy's sober" sta A Philadelphia paper has an article headed " How cigars are made" Some people make all their cigars by throwing dice for them. lu +i.,. The laugh has gone around at the expense of a Boston young man, because he was overheard to say that he "wished he had the facilities for acurtain lecture.'
 There are very few sermons preached which better sum up the whole matter than the speech of the httle'boy who said, "I want to grow gooder and gooder every day of my life. Amen"
 When the boys draw up their first of January resolutions they should in clude the following II hereby agree not to sing, hum or whistle My Grandfather's Clock or Nancy Lee, for the term of one year."
 IA resident of Washington, Ky, took a VOW that If ever he got drunk again he would whip himself all the way home 1 from the tavern. He got drunk, and fulfilled his VOW with such vigor that he could not stir out of bed for two weeks.
 -J. J. Piatt has written Q pretty poem about boys snowballing, and calls it GA Winter Morning Idyl. There were too many COWS to milk and chores to do where we were raised, for boy to know much about a winter morning idle, --EG. ...... %. 5 a#u W ~
 M. A has been rudely guilty of momentary forgetfulness of Nine. B.. in whose boudoir he is sitting "Corae, do you want me to make my apologies with my head bowed in the dust ?" Mime. B. (sourly): ." In the dust? That's sweetly complimentary to. my housekeeping l" t
 When you see cross-looking man coming down town in the morning with the knees of his pantaloons white and dusty, and several bits of straw and diminutive feather sticking in his hair, you can just make up your mind that he's been under the bed looking for that blamed collar-button. ''.' '
 A preacher in Kentucky the other Sunday, becoming exasperated, paused in his discourse to say: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you will give me your close attention I will keep lookout on that door, and if anything worse than man enters I will warn you in time to make your escape"
 -"So you are slave and a acolored man" !" said an Engishman to darky as I he looked at his black face and wondered what gave him such complexion. {" Yes, massa, I'se slave, but I'se not @ colored man," was the reply. Not coloredp ?" and there was surprise in his tones. "No, massa, not colored was born so." ...........
 It was a very honest old Dutch judge in Schoharie county, who listened for several hours to the arguments of coun- sel and then said: "Dis case has peen ferry ably argued on both sides, and dere have peen some very nice points of law brought up. shall dake dree days to consider these points, but shall eventually decide for de plaintiff"
 At fire in Lewiston, Me-, the other day, the firemen got their water from the wells. As they put their hose into one we'll, they discovered dead cat in tho water, in an advanced state of decomposition. "Have you been drink ing that water all along?" asked fire man of the mistress of the house. She looked in and merely exclaimed, "oi there's our poor cat"
 
 Prof. Knapp,s Terrible Prediction.