The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-10-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

VII AMI HUMUhs
A LITTLE lover may be man of great
signs, nevertheless.
SAID a newly-made widower. eravelv
II am satisfied that she took a sudden
cold"
six in four, you can't" as the shoe
maker mildly suggested to lady Gus
| toner.
SECURED seats-Those which are
firmly screwed to the floor of an audi
forum.
"ABoUT the greatest tail-bearer I
know" said the farmers boy, sis our
old peacock"
CONSISTENCY taou art a Jewell" as
the office-boy said when he got the
paste the right thickness.
'MY pleasure is two-fold," said
heartless young man who was counting
two girls at once. Two fooled, he
meant.
CIT il the little bits of things that
fret ana worry us" said Josh Billings;
"we kan dodge an elephant, but we
Kant fly"
"THE priests STOLE" he began. But
she interrupted him. Said she: "What
was it the priests stole?" He said he
supposed they stole their stoles.
AsToN1sHED parent: "Why, Charleyl
carrying chips in your hat?" Charley
displaying his summer tile): Never
mind, mamma; it's my chip-hat"
Il AM astonished, my dear young
lady, at your sentiments-you make me
start!" "Well, sir, I've been waiting
for you to start for the last hour"
WHEN hungry, cold, and "busted"
too, nor gold nor silver can he borrow,
what legend bursts upon his view?
IT'S PAY to-day, and trust tomorrow"
A CORRESPONDENT asks us to give
him the amount of the public debt.
We would do it in minute, but we
left our pocket-book home in our other
pants.
"FIE! Mollie," quoth Reuben to
Mary; 80 tbs pity we two can't agree"
"'Fie, Mollie,' is good, sir" she an
swered; "but you'll find you can't Mol
1lO-u0 NE.
WE have long known what is meant
by the center of gravity; butwe confess
to having just discovered that a hand
some and fragrant bouquet is the scenter
OF attraction.
IF an actor is DESTROYS of appearing
in several pieces" in one evening,
let him smoke a cigar in a nitro
glycerine factory. He will bring down
the house, too.
81 TOLD her I'd never smoke another
cigar" he said, softly, land [ won't. A
pipes plenty good enough for me" and
he gracefully drew match over the leg
of his trousers.
THERE is said to be rage in Paris
for old buttons. In this country we are
not SO particular. When the head of
the family goes to put on clean shirt
Sunday morning, the rage is for any
kind of buttons.
A DIssIPATED and unmannerly noble
man, presuming upon his mobility"
once asked Sir Walter Scott, who sat
opposite to him at a dinner, what was
the difference between Scott and sot?
t" Just the breadth of the table," retort-
ed Sir Walter.
ONE day I was compromising simple
cough remedy for my little 3-year-old,
who had severe cold. He stood
watching the process, and asked if it
was good" On letting him taste, he
exclaimed: It's awful good, mamma.
Let's keep it all for papa! "-Rarpe1's
Magazine.
A WAC brought horse driven by
young man to stop in the street by
the word Whoa" and said to the
driver: That's fine horse you have
there" "Yes," answered the young
man, but he has one fault. He was
formerly owned by butcher, and al
ways stops when he hears calf bleat."
THE DIsCONsOLATE LOVER.
I've letter from thy sire,
Mary Ann, Mary Ann;
And he's lust as mad as fire,
Mary Ann Mary nm!
And he say if come higher
That he'll raise me ten times higher
Than the German Methodist spire.
Mary Ann, Mary Ann!
If to win thee aspire,
Mary Ami
Oh, I dread to see his fa-hace
Mary Ann, Mary Ann:
For know he'll give me a cha-hase,
Mary Ann, Mary ami
He will waltz me round the room,
He will fan me with the broom;
Yes. safely may assume,
Mary Ann, Mary AnE.
That he'li fire me out of the o-hoom,
Mary Ann!
I'm so scared cannot slee-heep,
Mary Ann, Mary. Ann;
For I'm struck all of hee-heap,
Mary Ann, Mary Ami
He is coming after mel
Blood in both his eyes see,
Oh, wherever shall hee-hee?
Mary Ann, Mary Ann;
He will make it hot for me-he.
Mary Ann!
PEDEsTRIANIsM in Berlin took this