South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-09-19
WIT AND HUI NOR.

Tommy Gimme cake, mamma. II
what If you please. Tommy--Oh. let
up or that 'Pinafore' business gimme
3 cake
Seldom does one find humorous Chi.
naman. But there is story told of q
Monaghan domestic in Reno, W hich shows
that there is at least one comic Asiatic
IN the town. A gentleman who is fond
OF fishing recently sent his Chinaman in
to the garden to dig some earth worms
for bait. Shortly afterward he heard
the Chinaman laughing loudly in the
garden. When John came In the gen.
tleman asked the cause of his merrimeut.
John said: "Me dig worms in garden.
Lady come along aud say What you
going to do with worms, Johnf' Me say
make soup--bully nice soup She put
up her hands and say oh! oh = then run
heap quick
gray hair was espied among the ra.
ven locks of a charming young lady.
Ooh, pray, pull it out she exclaimed.
If pull it oct ten more will come to
the funeral, replied the one who made
the unwelcome discovery. Pluck it out,
nevertheless said the dark haired dam
sci; it's no consequence how many come
to the funeral, provided they all come
IN black
Gideon Cook, a preacher, was mau
very eccentric In speech, even to his last
earthly moments. A few hours pre-
vious to his death, his brother, also a
preacher, came to his bedside, and in
quired, "Do you think you are dying,
Gideon P And the reply, sharp and
quick, came-"Can't tell never died
before"
Edward said Mr.. Rice, what do
hear2-that you have disobeyed your
grandmother, who told YOU just now not
to jump down these steps 2 Grandma
didn't tell Va not to, papa; she only
came to the door and said, l wouldn't
jump down those steps, boys 2 and l
shouldn't think she would-au old lady
like her =
Did you make the train 2 No was
the reply, 1T was made in the car shops
4 mean, did you catch the train?' OF
course not ; It's not infectious. well,
you darned fool, did you arrive at the
depot in time 2 No, YOU blamed IDIOT
arrived In an omnibus Great Scott y
shrieked the interlocutor,. did you board
the cars 2 Jumping Jerusalem , howl.
ed the questioned man, you know I tom
keep a clearinghouse Chances of
deep-seated hatred, threats of vengeance,
gritting of teeth, duel in prospect.
I'm ruta-haSa, and here's where !
plant myself said tramp, as he enter,
ed farmhouse near Frceport, Illinois
and seated himself at the table we
alters bile ours said the farmers wife,
and soused him with dishpanful of
boiling wa.er.
The subject Of impression ct first
sight was being talked over at the tea.
table, when the lady whose duty it wa,
to preside said she always formed an
idea of . person at first sight, and foun
it to be generally correct. Mamma.
said her youngest son, il shrill voice
that attracted the attention OF all pres.
cnt. Well, my dear what is it {? repli.
cd the mother. i want to know what
was your opinion when YOU first saw me.
1t requires about rs long to get girl
well out of her twentieth year as for a
horse to get beyond eight years Old
this spring
What quantities of dried grasses yor
keep here, Miss stebbius Me room
for donkey to get into. Make youi
sell 1t home, she responded With sweet
gravity.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST "A fan
young woman having purchased a it'll,
biiou Of a house gives a bousc-wa-min2
festival, to which she invites her physi
elan and his wife.
Tie doctor, naturally, comes alone.
oh, why didn't you bring Nine. Y
with you 2 says the hostess.
For two reasons, my dear, rcplic.
he husband tho second is that she
has bad cold
THorcHr IIf'D CIR TeusrEu.-A
small boy ID big cent in his hand
stood before = Ni.hL.Lu arenun rrnrnr.