The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-11-08
In the worlds broad field OF battle;
In the bivouac Of life,
Be not like the dumb, driven cattle;
l.. - LII. a.

HE Tact that Eyarts being cognlzant
of the largest words contained in Web
ster's, is proof-positive that he has been
great perferous circus bills. sl C
You need little sun and air. said
physician to maiden patient. If |
do, was the reply, :" i'll have TO wait
till get husband
A PUN is like countryman's new
suit of store-clothes. 1t is better APP
preciated by the owner than by all his
friends combined.--M. Y Mail.
A FARMER living near Ocean Grove,
says that the instant his chickens see the
vacation minister coming, they all run
and hide under the barn. ee
A PRIEST asked of a condemned crimi-
nal in u Paris jail; What kind of
conscience have your alt is rs good
MS new" replied the prisoner, for l
have never used IL" ai 81 "a
AN Irish newspaper says: " In the abb
sence of both editors, the publishers
have succeeded in securing the services
of gentleman to edit the paper this
week"
Two boys had a few hot words and
sudden fight on High street, yesterday,
and one ran away, leaving the other with
a bloody nose and mouth full of
" bawl."
GUEST" Don't you know any better
than TO walk into my room without rap
ping? You see | am all undressedW
Servant" Oh! you needn'texcu your
self, mum; don't mind"
A WOMAN went to Brooklyn dentist
with an aching tooth to be drawn. He
told her that it was badly liberated.
Yes, DOCTOR" said she / have ulsters
on all my teeth" III 4dn
You can kill two or three men in
Texas, and nothing is thought of it, but
if you swear in the presence of young
lady, they will fine you forty dollars.
They are determined to discourage i'm
piety.
No EYES. -" What is the matter with
your eyesW asked Smith, when he met
Jones on one of the recent windy days.
Eyesl ] have none; don't you see the
wind has made them waterW was the
reply.
LADY" Why did you leave your last
placer Servant" Well, yer see, mum,
/ had to pay for all my breakages, and
as they come to more than my wages,
yer see, mum, it was kind of impogis-
sion that couldn't stand"
PAPA, they don't have any stone IN
Ireland, do they~ asked a little Bank
street boy the other day. Yes, my
boy; but why do you ask such a ques-
tionY' Because, papa, ! thought 1t
was all shamrock over there"
A wELIrKNowN Evangelical clergy
man, on being accused of leaning to-
wards Universalism, replied that he
hoped everybody would go to heaven,
"and," said he there are some persons
wish were there now"
Iris said that Indian babies never cry.
This is because they are never taken to
public entertainments. We believe that
an Indian-rubber baby would yell fright.
fully if it were taken to- place of
amusement. They all do it. M
in response to a question as to his
business. a witness replied, Il am a re-
taller of wet goods Wet goodsp
exclaimed the Judge. 9 What are they z
{" Liquors, your honor" said the witness.
go, yes, see; you mix EN- with water"
responded his honor. IN aa'.
A GREAT purple spot was lately as
covered on the face of Jupiter, and the
scientific question of the day is, "What's.
| the matter with JupeT' After a thor
ough investigation of the matter, and
the making Of many comparative obser-
yations, we concluded that Jupiter told
Mars he was liar Cincinnati Gazette
THE train had just emerged from as
tunnel, and vinegar-faced maiden of
thirty summers remarked to her gentle
man companion, Tunnels are such
boresp which nobody can deny. But a
young lady of eighteen, who sat in a
seat Immediately in front of the ancient
party, adjusted her hat, brushed he
frizzes back, and said to the perfume
young man beside her +" think tunnel
4 are awfullv nice.o