, 1879-03-16
SABBATH SMILES.

Why should layman care for sitting in tho
.churchs
a minister in the course of sermon upon:
angels alluded to them as san extinct race"
'tMatthew, Mark!" said the old gentleman;
"Luke, John, to your Acts, - added the mother.
When d $4,000 clergyman is offered 5000
pastoratc it is styled call,'' whereas. in point
OF. fact, it is not 'tcall," but "raise." And
he generally s'sees it."
A little boy, aged years, whose father makes
By his teacher what GOD did on the seventh day.
"He went fishing, I guess" was the reply
Turner's Fails Reporter.
4 man passing through gateway in the dark;
ran against post. I wish that post WIS in
the lower regious" was his angry remark,
tsBetter wish it WIS somewhere else" said 4,
bystander. ''You might run against it again.
tentiaf mood, said: II have been great sinner
more than eighty years, and didn't know lt.''
an old darkev woman. who had lived with her q
long time, exclaimed: ''Lors! knowed it all
the timer
There was tide in the affairs OF Noah, taken
at the flood, which did not lead on to glorious
fortunes, though the patri-ark managed to keep
his head above water, and save ''the only CON-:
plete collection Of wild and trained animals in
the world. Mem Orleans Picayune.
"Wherc do rou expect to go when you die,
young mane' said minister stcrnly to m un-
godly scotfer. ~ expect" was the reply, "to
the grave, but the chances are that I'll pull up
in some blamed medical college or other" Tile
preacher retired to write q sermon on the Flip
pancy Of the times.-1oledo Commercial.
Dean Stanley makes gestures when preach
ing, and stands quite STILL The story goes that
one Sunday, after returning from church, he
asked his wife why the people looked so in*ent!y
f1JFin~ Fnt11ipH
could they help it, dear. when one of your gloves
was on the top OF your head all the timc!' 1t
had dropped from his hat.
"Now, child,'' said Sundav-school Super
intendcnt, who had been talking to his scholars
about good people and bad people "wheu I'm
walking in the street speak to some persons l
meet, and don't speak to others: and what's
the reasons" He expected the reolv would he,
because some are good and others are bal,"
but to his discontinue the general shout was,
because some are rich and others are poor"
4 Northern minister was introduced to col.
orcd minister, and inquired after his work: 'tl
preach, sab, on Col. Gordon's plantation
How many colored people have you therer'
swell, sat, bout a hundred und seventy y-fiye."
And how many have you in the churrh!"
"Dat 'pends, sab, altogether on de- time Oh year.
In de 'yiral time dey's all members In dc
backslidIng times der's nobody members but
Uncle Billy, and old Aunt katy.'
Ny hrudren, was passin' fru de paster dis
mawnn' and sa,; mighty fine bush u huckic~
berries, and thought would tote sum OF 'em
hum to de ole woman, aud hadn't 10 basket
nor muffin to pick lem In, and l looked aroun'
and foun' shinglc, and begun for to pick OF
de berries and put 'em on dat shinggle; but
dcy'd roll of jes' as fas' as put 'cin on, and
brllny no berries hum to dc ole wouoan- Brud-
rem, your prayers is jes' like picktn' huckleber-
rics on O shingie; dey roll right OF; dey don't
none Of lem 20 hum to tie Hcabenly Farder.
i sense OF duty often causes some ludicrous
mistakes, Us the following story will illustrate:
Near Dumfries lived pious family who had
adopted nn orphan who WAS regarded is half
witted. He had imbiDed strict views on religious
matters, however. and once asked his adopted
mother ii she did not think 1t wrong for the
people to come to church and fall asleep, paving
no better regard to the service. She replied she
did. Accordingly, before going to church thu
next Sunday, he filed his pockets with apples.
Que hald-hcale0 old man, who invariably went
to sleep during the sermon, particularly attract
ed his attention Seeing him NJ last codding
and giving nasal evidence OF being in the ''la1,d
Of Dreams" he struck the astounlcd sleeper 9
blow with an apple on the top OF his bald pate
The minister and aroused congregation at once
turned round and gazed Indignantly at the hoy,
who merely said to the preacner, as he took an
other apple iu mis- hand. with 4 sober, horest
expression Of countenance: "You preach; I'll
keep 'em aWake-''