The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1879-06-03
Sense and nn,lsense.

Perspiration is about the only honest
thing that emanates from mean man.
An Oswego man calls his wife poor
excuse, because she's better than moth
ling.
Why is a widower like a house in a
state of dilapidatlon Because he ought
to be repaired.
"We've moved into our own house
now" said Spilkins, ''and have quite the
lpay-rent-sl roof forever"
Its very dangerous to make up your
Judgment concerning young lady's
weight by measuring her sighs.
.Clara" writes that she hopes that the
electric light will never be introduced for
lpsrlor use, "because it can't be turned
down."
An old lady being asked to subscribe
to 8 newspaper, declined on the ground
that when she wanted news she manufac-
tured it herself.
Curious nsformations-when a
pretty bonnet becomes apretty woman !;
when man turns horse into pasture !;
when door is found to be ajar.
No man can ever tell just how much
money widow is worth until he marries
her for it. 1t is one of those cases
where you have to take your chances.
"My souls at the gate" is the title of
a new piece Of music. He had b, tier be
careful, or be may 6nd the old mans sole
at the gate, too, some of these fine even
ings.
IT'S old but true: "Trying to do
business without advertising is like wink.
ing at pretty girl in the dark-you may
know what you are doing, but nobody
else does"
An ambitious young writer having
asked "what magazine will give me the
highest position quickest2" was told !:
IA powder magazine, il you contribute a
fiery article"
1t is asserted that many cases of sun
stroke in warm weather, in the female
sex, are really vertigo caused by fire.
quently turning the head to look at other
women's clothes and bonnets.
When tramp calls on you this sum-
mer give him crust Of bread, copy Of
the new California Constitution and tell
him to pursue the star oil empire across
the Sierras In other words, $50 West "
A newly-married lady was telling an
other how nicely her husband could write
"Oh. you should just see some OF his love
letters" "Yes, know" was the freez-
ing reply; "I've got bushel Of 'em in
my TRUNK"
A man in Michigan snapped his horse
for wife An old bachelor acquain-
tance said he'd tet there was something
wrong with the horse. or its owner would
nevefhave fooled itaway in that reck-
less manner.
$50 you are going to keep school, I"
said ayoung lady to an old maiden aunt
"Well, for my part, sooner than that
would marry a widower with nine chill
dren." Il would prefer that myself, but
where is the widower ?"
A little girl was punished by her moth
er for some misdemeanor. When the
correction had been finished she looked
up pleadingly and said, "Sing to me,
mamma" "What shall sing ?" "Sing,
There is rest for the weary"
An Euglishmau was Boosting to a Yam
kee that they had book in the British
Museum which was once owned by Cice-
70. "Oh, that ain't nothin, ;" retorted
the Yankee, ''in the Museum in Boeton
they've got the lead-pencil that Noah
used to check of the animals that went
into the ark"
A gentleman was disturbed in his rest
in the middle Of the night by some one
knocking on the street door. "Who's
there? r" he asked. "A frfend." was the
answer. "What do you want2" 81
want to stay here ell night" "Queer
taste stay there by all means," was the
benevolent reply.
Nhena woman's eyes sparkle and her
face glows from the fire within, while her
tongue rolls off information about igne-
GUS rocks and stratified rocks, silurian
rocks and conglomerate rocks, of calcer-
GUS rocks ano argillaceous soil, it is safe
to say she was born in Boston, or at
least has an uncle living in Massschu.
sets.
Paul Morphy, the once noted chess
player, in his insanity imagines himself a
great lawyer, With an abundance of eli.
ents. The great case that sbsorbs nearly
his whole attention is an imaginary one
sgainst parties who had charge of an es-
tate lett him by his father. He utterly
repudistes chess, and denies ever having
known anything about it.
An old Dutchman who keeps beer sa-
loon on Sacramento street has his third
wife, and being asked for his views of
mstrimony, replied: "Vell, den, you see,
de first time marries for love-dat vas
goot; den I marries for beauty-dat vas
goot, too, about as goot as de frst; but
dis time marries for monish, and dis is
peter as p th!"
SiStougbton, though heavy drinker,
was kind husband and father; but 81
was dead now. Shortly after that cad
event The widow was visited by spirit
ualistic friend, who had come to tell the
bereaved one that she had seen his spirit,
she was sure it was he. "Oh. no, it is
impossible, sighed the widow sadly; sit
wasn't Sis spirit; be didn't leave any,
A teacher once endeavored to illus
trate faith thus: sChildren, if I should
tell you that one day / saw = monkey
climbing liberty pole, would you be-
lieve mel" "Yes, SIR unanimously.
swell, that is faith; you believe me be-
cause say it, and you feel that would
not tell an untruth." The next day the
question was asked of the same children,
''What is faithf" ga monkey climbing
a liberty pole," answered a quick little
boy.
When the House of Representatives,
at the dictltion OF the executive depart
ment OF the Government, shall surren-
der its right to annex to appropriations
for the support of the army such condi-
tions in regard to the expenditure of the
money as it shall deem prudent and