National Republican., 1879-08-04
MISCELLANEOUS.

"CAN you support me, darlingT is the pro.
sale title of ne W song.
THROW him rope,' is the proper thing to
say when you see friend of yours overbored.
The effect is magical.
WHAT we want now," commenced a con-
| fused and timid speaker at u meeting of a de-
| batting society, "is--s-not-not so much what
| we don't want as that which we most re-
quire." His bearers agreed with him.
THE weary husband as he proceeds to take
| down the clothes line, unconscously trips
| over croquet arch, and from the bottom OF
| his feet wishes he was "whcre the wicket
cease from troubling. YonkeyS Statesman.
A GENTLEMAN by the name of Dandy re-
sides in st. Joseph, but we do not understand
that he is the party whom the inspired Bard
of Avon designated as "he who first cros
hold, enough."-St. Louis TioeS-JomWaL
A YOUNG lady pupil of high school put on
a mass of false hair, penciled her eyebrows,
rouged her checks, &c, and then went to tho
commencement and read her essay entitled
Deception Prevailing Folly,"-NOrristown
Herald.
ZONE hundred and sixty-seven dogs 90 to
the pound" was the heading of an article in
the paper the other morning. "Sakes alive"
exclaimed Mrs. dc Fluiiey, when she read tins,
mo wonder dogs eau swim, If they're as light
as that Puck.
SHE held firmly on to the ropes aud gayly
warbled, "Oh, George isn't this just nice Now,
really, think this just too exquisite for any
thing with the cool breeZcs blowing silvcry
foam around in little fairy goblets and"
The dash denotes the moment she swallowed
the billow.-New York Star.
JUST send boy on an errand to the store
and he ut once maps ont route which will
take him by the circus ground, even lift makes
u three-mile walk for him, with the mercury
l al.
other he reasons it out that the increase in
distance is very slight, not enough TO speak
of in fact.
A MARKET man was mercilessly swindled in
the town of b. His misfortune gave him
very uniavoablo opinion Of the residents, aud
he expressed his opinion of them by saying
that if the Angel Gabriel stopped nc b there
would be no resurrection. "Whyp asked a
listener Because the people would swiude
him out of his horn before he had time to blow
a single tOot."
A CORRESPONDENT wants TO know if wearing
Il hat tends to make u person bald. We believe
il does Women don't wear hats, aud they arc
not bald, at least they do not wear them ON
their heads, and So they arc not bald there.
Hats destroy hair. A womun's hat Is worn on
the back of her head and that is tho reason
why women have to buy 50 much back hair.
-Danbmy Ncps
CHARLES AUGUSTUS, at the circus grounds
Saturday, carelessly stumbled against the pro-
prietor in the crowd. After asking pardon he
turned to Arabella aud said; That was Adam
FOrepaugh." Arabella, whose sense of pro-
priety and French was shocked, replied; You
should say an unfortunate tutr pas" I'm
Fortunate" exclaimed C. A.. with u coral that
lays over the greatest show on earth and a
herd OF fourteen elephants =
IT is just about this season of the year that
the newspaper local is supprOaChed by the much
iu.debt man who wants to keep up appearances
and is persuaded on the strength of Il half.
dozen cheroots to say in his paper that The
family Of Mr. So.and.so have left for their
summer cottage at the seaShOre for the season.
This is all that is needed to recompouso tho
old lady and her daughters for living in close
confinement in the kitchou with the front part
Of tho house shut up all summer lt Is much
cheaper, and their seaside conversation at the
winter sewing-GiIclcs is swallowed with just as
much svidity as If Cape May or Manchester.
by-thGsea had been enliyened by their socia-
bility in reality.
MIR. WHTELAw REID, in his very interesting
address before the Now York editors, said that
tho coming reporter must write like MaCauley.
He may write like that celebrated historian,
but he will not do any newspaper work. Asa
reporter, Macauley would have proved tho
hugest sort of u failure, Ho would not have
lowered himself down coal hole In the side
walk aud como up tho cellar stairs, In order TO
interview prominent man who had elopod
with u judges wife; nor would no nave
climbed over u back fence, and lett some OF his
coat.tail ON the spikes, and jumped through
the window of u public hall IN order to dor
row" tho manuscript Of u speech about TO bO
delivered, aud thus beat rival reporter.
Therefore what is the uso of the coming re-
porter being able to writo like Macaulcy,-
NOTTiSiOlDH Herald,