Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1879-11-21
WIT AND HUMOR.
Spirit of the press-Cider.

huhtctti ohu cou hhu out VINO hdiu, NUN
crushed to earth shall rise again."
A gentleman who was asked for his mar
rage certificate quietly took his hat OF and
pointed to bald spot The evidence wa
conclusive.
A rather gayly-dressed young lady aske,t
her Sunday school class what was smeant
by the pomp and vanity Of the world" The
answer was honest, but unexpected, Them
flowers on your hat"
Society Is feast where every man must
contribute his quota, and when our seat at
the table is noted as the home Of silence and
gloom, We are soon left TO enjoy our meliita-
tons alone.
Ma" said little boy, looking up from
an illustrated paper, II wish was little
South Africa boy" why, Georgie r asked
his ma. "Why, cause their mothers don't
wear slippers" he feclingly replied.
HE may be away four weeks, and he may
be forever, but II ever cease to love, may
the musquitos bite me till I'm black and
blue" Then she made a dive for the skirt
OF herdress, and the cardinal hose were soon
lost sight of in the crowd.
A bore once said to Jerrold, In compa-
ny which was discussing the merits Of GER
tain piece Of music, 'rhat song, sir, always
carries me away" The wit quietly turned
to his friends and asked, "Will some one
kindly sing ity'
"A teller spoke disrepectfully OF my sister,
said he'd bet she was cross-eyed, and sailed
In" "Is your sister cross-eyeds" the repor-
ter inquired. "Hain't got no sister, was the
reply. 1t was the principle Of the thing what
got licked for"
"Never leave the table with food In the
mouth" Certainly not. Nothing could be
more rude To slip doughnut Into your
coat pocket as you rise from the festive board
Is very neat trick, however. That IL II you
are not caught In the act.
IT'S the sweetest thing In life 10 see the
childlike simplicity and Difference TO mater
nal authority which maiden Of thlrty-nyc
and forty, will exhibit before roomftil OF
people as she skips across the floor to ask
dear mamma II she may walk up and down
the piazza for little while.
A fire in carriage factory few months
since damaged newly-made hcarse 80 ma
terially that II was sold cheap TO whole
sale liquor firm, and converted 10 the use OF
carrying bottled liquors Originally intend
ed foritransporting the body to the grave. II
delivers the spirits to the gay.
A Clergyman, whose habit II was
'stsa heh'ntt ~ MIN ss,,,,.e.,,,tirr e,
large d :, bad occasion 20 yisit 4 Dor s,ses
parishoaer. After ehiafgnfg wa. ---.-,sers
able JUNCTION on his favorite topic, he said 10
her, "Now, my dear woman, did you ever
appreciate the fortunes Of the damned bcforeg'
Mac, nae, never till you came here" was
the rather equivocal answer
Two grammarians were wangilng the 9TH
or day, one contending that II was only pro-
per to say, my wages Is high" while the
other noisly insisted that the correct thing
was, my wages arc high" Finally they
stopped day laborer and submitted the
question to him. (Which doyou say, aYour
wages Is high" or "Your wages are high"
"Oh, off with your nonsense" he said, re-
suming his pick Eyer nather ov We right
we wages is low, bad luck TO H."
Once In travelling, the Rev. DIR. Bledsoe
was exceedingly annoyed by pedantic bore
who forced himself upon him, and made
great parade Of shallow learning The DR..
bore II as long as he could, and at length,
looking at him grayely, said; my friend,
you and know all that Is 10 be known
"Iiow Is thaty said the man, pleased with
what he thought very complimentary as
sociation. "You know everything except
that You are a fool, and know that"
A politician who had been on terms of In
timacy with actors and artists Ia suddenly
elevated 10 an important official position.--
One OF his friends, distinguished actor,
goes to call on him. and on entering the o.
fee, says genially, "fIullo, old fsl.. ho-
wo--"
II beg your pardon, sir" says the ofIicial
In a glacial manner. II am occupied for
moment. BE no good as 10 take seat.
The actor sits down In surprise In chair
and presently his friend says: "Now, sir,
what can do for your
'Why, don't you know me I'm
II do not precisely follow you." says the
official "You have come 10 ---T
II came, SIR says the actor, In a terrible
voice, jamming his hat down on bis head
n came, sir, TO give you some hints NJ 10 de-
pertinent now that you are public Official,
but by the Nine Gods you don't need anyr'
Good morning, sirr'
Bender, a Wisconsin Dutchman, states tho
case thusly;
Veil, dot night, me und mine wife, We had
a little talk about something's und the NEXT
day says TO Brown: Look here, yonst.-
My wife she makes sausagcs and works In.
dot shtore, also my laughter, she works In
the shtore und mokes head sheeze; und yonr
vile vos going out riding all de time nit de
horse car und naiient tied back cardinal
striped stockings Now. your wife mist
go work in de shtore und cut beeGteaks und
make saucrkrut or else We divide not equally
any more dot profits.
well, Brown goes home und he tells be
wife about dot. Den she comes poo.y qulk
nit Brown around, und had misunderstood.
ing about something's, In vich efrybody tok
a part, including my little dog Kaiser, Poosy
soon up comes policeman und arrest as
for breoches q promise 70 keep Ne PAGES.
ind assaultng the battery, or sometings-- -
Den de hm Bender a Brown VA broke ~.
go about my beesness, und Browa gosn ID
his beesness My vic she helps In the Hhtq
His wife goes riding the de horse car.
cfry night she was by dc theaief
Volts De gonsequencess Along coms
cedtennial panic. Dot knocks Brown
CT as two kites BY gimminyl Ny
"a sill more A. my outcome. ButB Bro
goes around De shtreeis init bis hand