Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1879-01-30
5HBrfhaHw.
THE GREAT FRENCH DUEL

IIuiH llc AtlhlIlC monthly Tor February.
Much as the modern French duel is rid
icuIed by certain smart people, it is inrcal-
ity one Of the most dangerous institutions Of
our day. Since it is always fought in the
open air, the combatants are nearly sure
to catch cold. NJ. Paul de Cassagnac, the
most inyeterate Of the French ducists, has
suffered So often in This way that he is at
last Il confirmed invalid; andthe best ply
sican in Paris has expressed his opinion
that if he goes on dueIing for fifteen or
twenty years mOre-unlcss he forms the
habit Of fighting in comfortable room
where damps and draughts cannot intmdc
he will eventually cndmger his life.
This ought to moderate the talk of those
people who are so stubborn in maintain
ing that the French duel Is the most
heaith-giving of rccreations because of
open-alr exercises ii affords. And 1t
ought also to moderate that foolish talk
about French duclsts and Socialist-hated
monarchs being the only people who are
immortal.
But it is time to get at my subject. As
soon as heard of the late fiery outbreak
between NJ. Gambctta and NJ. Fourtou in
the French Assembly, knew that trouble
must follow. knew it because IL long
personal friendship with NJ. Gambetta hal
revealed to me the desperate and impIa-
cable nature of the man. Vast as are his
physical proportions, knew that the
thirst for revenge would penetrate to the
rcmotest frontiers Of his person.
| did not wait for hm to call on me,
but went at once to him. As | expected,
found the brave fellow stepped in pro.
found French calm. | say French calm,
because French Calmncss and English
calmness have points OF difference. He
was moving swiftly back and forth among
the debris OF his furniture. now and then
staying chance fragments of 1t across the
room with his foot; grinding constant
grist Of curses through his set teeth; and
haIting every littlewhle to deposit another
handful of his hair on the pile which he
had been building ON the table.
lie threw his arms around my neck,
bent me oycr his stomach to his breast,
kissed me on both cheeks, huggcd me
four or five times, and then placed me in
his own armchair. As soon as | had got
well again, we began business ut once.
! said | supposed he would wish me to
act as his second, and he said, "Ofcourse. ="
said | must be allowed to act under a
French name, so that might be shielded
from obloquy in my country, in case of IA
tai results. He WINGED here, probably at
the suggestion that dueling was not re-.
garded with respect in America lIOwcv-
cr, he agreed to my requirement. This
accounts for the fact that in all the news
paper reports NJ. Gambetta's second was
apparently Frenchman.
FIRST, we drew up my principals will.
| insisted upon this, and stuck to my
point. ! said had never heard of a man
in his right mind gong out to fight IL
duel without first making his will. He
SAID he had never heard of a man in his
right mind doing anything of the kind.
when we had finished the will he wished
to proceed to n choice OF his last words. +"
He wanted to know how the following
words as Il dying exclamation. struck me:
81 die for my God, for my country, for
freedom OF speech, for progress, and the
universal brotherhood of mani"
| object that this would require too lin.
gering death; it was good speech for
a consumptiyc, but not suited the exi-
gences of the field of honor. We wrangled
over Il good many ante-mortem outburstS
but | finally got him to cut his obituary
down to this, which he copied INTO his
memorandum-book, purposing to get it by
heart:
II DIE THAT FRANCE MAY LIVE.
said that this remark seemed to lack
relevancy; but he said relevancy was Il
matter OF no consequence in last Words
what you wanted was thrill.
The next thing in order was the choice
of weapons. My principal said he was
not feeling well, and would leave that and
the other details Of the proposed meeting
to me. Therefore wrote the following
note and carried it to NJ. Fourtou friend:
SIR: M. Gambetta accepts NJ. Fourtou's chal-
lenge, and authorizes me to propose Plessis-
Piquet as the place Of meeting; to morrow
morning at daybreak as the time; and axes as
the weapons. am, sir, with great respect,
MARK TWAIN.
NJ. Fourtous friend read the note, and
shuddercd. Then he turned to me- and
said, with suggestion of severity in his
tone:
Have you considered, sir, what would
be the inevitable result of such meeting
as this?"
be?"
"Bloodshed!"
That's about the size of it," said.
Nov, if it is a fair question, what was
our side proposing. to shed?"
had him, there, He saw he had made
blunder, so he fastened to explain it away.
He said he had spoken iestingly. Then
he added that he and his principal would
enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but
such weapons were barred by the French
code, and so must change my proposal.
| walked the floor, turned the thing
over in my mind, and finally 1t occurred
to me that Gatling guns at fifty PAGES
would be a likely way to get verdict on
the field of honor. So framed this idea
into proposition.
But it was not accepted. The code was
in the way again. proposed rifles; then,
double-barreled shot-guns; then, Colts
navy revolvers. These being all rejected,
reflected awhile, and sarcastically sug-
gested brick-bats at three-quarter of a
mile, alwavs hate 10 fool AWAY hu.