Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-01-23
Fun Among the Exchanges,

Fun Among the Exchanges.
Satisfied at last-A contented shoe
maker
An elevated railroad station is. of
course, station airy.
Is the fellow who tends an oyster sa-
loonan oyster supe?
The lmprovident man is hard to kill.
because he will not die worth cent.
A fixed fact-One that gets in a wo-
mans head.-Elmira Gazette.
We've seen storms that were hail fell
lows, well nicholson Post
A photographer belongs to the tin
type of humanity.-Pdtsburg Telegraph.
/ Thoughts that burn-Amateur poetry
when the editors waste basket is over
flowing.
An Englishman named Putton has
Written a book on music. 1t will be
called "Putton Airs" probably.
A milkman was very mad because
some one bought a quart of milk and
then told him to chalk it down"
The shrouding ulster covers multi
tude of crooked shins.-Neu Orleans Pr
coyatrle.
The worst aches will heal. G0ntu-
cius. The best heels will ache-OIeary.
Graphic.
A bad boy-A burglars Jimmy" A
good boy-A policeman's Billy
Rome Sentinel
Here's to the next cold wave: Long
may 1t waye"-somewhere else.-NOr-
rist0oOn Herald.
"What," says correspondents
"would you call short order?" Gill
Toledo Commercial
a clock records time with its hands.
but regiment marks time with its feet.
I-Pitsburg Telegraph.
Despise not small things; the largest
corn is always found on the smallest
toe.-NeU Yo1k Express.
Times ''inaudible and noiseless foot"
is shod in a boot made on the last of the
year.-Boston Transcript.
The way to make six cents go far
therest-Buy stamp and put it on a
foreign letter. PHtsbug Telegraph.
The Chinese liken a drunkard's nose
to lighthouse, warning us of the little
water that passed underneath.
The new cook book, Chow to Get a
Good Dinner should be in the hands
of every tramp.-BOst0n Traveller.
Be active, be active; find something
to do, If no more than the eating of
twenty cent stew.-New York Neocs.
/ 1t is vulgar to call man bow legged
! Il of
Northumberland Republican,
A lumber dealer failed last week
could not pay bis board bills.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
In slippery cities Christians are
known by the ashes they put on the
sidewalk.-NeoO Orleans Picayn1e.
There is something peculiarly weird
IN listening to 24O-pound woman sing
ing, Tap, tap, tapping at the garden
gate. "-NeW York Express.
And now if the milkmen will turn
over new leaf and resolve not to
touch water, what happy year this
will be.-PhiJadeLphia Chronicle Herald.
A Paduca. (Ky.) paper says money
is SO scarce in that place that even
the change in the weatherls hailed with
pleasure.
The man who unexpectedly sat down
in some warm glue thinks there is more
than one way of getting badly stuck
Hdckensack Republican.
People who shoot at kings and en-
perors need little Creedmore prac-
tice. They usually score nothing out of
a possible one.
The Boston Transcript says: "Mystery
deepens in every family" All; the
Bostonians are serving hash in deeper
dishes, ell?
You can keep bee away from you
by the use Of tobacco-smoke, but bee
is always in such COMPOUNDED hurry
that he gets in his work before you can
/ light your cigar.
"Is your master up?" asked an early
! visitor of a nobleman's valet. eyes,
Sill" answered the valet with great in
nocence; ''the butler and [ carried him
up about 3 o'clock"
Monsieur LeDuc says that the proper
way to treat hog cholera is to wrap the
patient in hot blanket and apply mus
tard plasters to the stomach and soles of
the Cincinnati Commercial.
The United States has suffered from
Chinese cheap labor, English sparrows,
and foreign lecturers. We are now
threatened with revival of the Shang-
hal rooster-Ne,O York Commercial Ad-
Uertiser.
A dispatch from Buffalo says there
are four feet of snow on level at that
place. 1t neglects to add that the care
less carpenter who left the level out of
doors has been discharged by his en-
ployer Courier.
The Eisteddfod at Utica has been a
brilliant success. The Welsh are good
honest, peaceable people. The only
crooked Welshman we ever read about
was party by the name of Taffy-NeU
York Commercial Advertiser.
A plain-spoken woman recently visit
ed a married woman anG said to her:
" How do you manage to amuse your
self?' Amuse," said the other, "don't
you know that | have my homework to
do?" Yes" was the answer, ~ see
that you have it to do, but as it is never
done l conclude you must have some
other way of passing your time"