The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1879-03-13
EVERYDAY sPICERlEs.

EVERYDAY cflCEhiEcs
THE charge of the Light Brigade
Gas bills.-Puck.
A SPEECH from the thrown" Blame
that mule !"- Cincinnati Saturday Night.
THE Chicago Commercial Advertiser
admits that Old Hickory was chieftain,
but boldly asserts that Grant was a
chieftanner.
IT is not often that one kind of frnit
is metamorphosed into another, yet the
first apple in Paradise turned out the
first pair Waterloo Cbserrer.
HURRICANES, it is supposed, are
caused by all the women in the world,
talking at once. But their infrequency
seems to initiate against the theory.
The Indians used to "bury" their
dead in the tops of high trees. This was
considered an awful joke on the Ohio
medical student, burrowing around in
the ground Observation-Disclosures
Hdaukeye.
The Minneapolis Tribune, speaking
of an editorial in Chicago paper on
Lying as a Fine Art" gracefully
remarks that that paper never writes
about subject it doesn't thoroughly
understand" PC Chicago Inter Ocean.
WHEN a man can walk into gin-mill
and stow away ten cocktails in ten min
utes he may be said to have attained
prominence at the bar Boston Post.
But his practice is certain to be brief.-
Graphic.
THE habit Of resolving without acting
| is worse than not resolving at all mas
much as it gradually sunders the
| natural connection between thought and
| deed.
| A MAN who is not able to make bow
| to his own conscience in the morning, is
hardly in condition to respectfully
salute the rest of the world during the
| day.
PEOPLE are commonly SO employed in
pointing cut faults in those before them
as to forget that some one behind may
at the same time be descanting on their
own.
Mr.. TALMAGE says: /" A mule is the
meanest thing on earth to ride on" Did
you ever essay bareback feat on buzz
saw, Mr.. Talmage f-P Philadelphia Chron'
icle- Herald.
/ PoCAHoNTAS is to have monument
/ over her grave at Gravesend, England,
where she lies buried. Glad to hear it.
There was somethingwe wanted to weep
over when we went to England, and
here it is.-Me4c York Commercial Aduer-
tiser.
/ YOUNG man who was kicked off the
front doorstep while endeavoring to
serenade his girl, by her enraged papa,
was too cautious to call him an old
pirate, but he didn't hesitate to desig-
nate him as freebooter. Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
| The Oil City Derrick wants to know
If Mr.. Talmage can jump over his pull
pit fifteen thousand times in fifteen
thousand quarter minutes. Why, sir,
he makes better time than that every
Sunday; and thinks nothing at all about
it.-Bufalo Express.
IT was because Nelson attended to de-
tail in respect of time that he was SO
victorious. "Iowe,o he said, call my
success in life to having been always q
quarter of an hour before my time"
aEyery moment lost" said Napoleon,
"gives an opportunity for misfortune" ."
YESTERDAYS SUNSET.
To sleep the sun sinks slowly in the hills,
And all the western stony winter skies
hsshtog food OF fitting color fills,
Fun fair enough for skies OF paradise.
Like some great dome Of iridescent gems,
Litby thousand lurid, dickering fires;
Like Natures lustIousest OF diadems;
Like-like-ahi the poverty Il language-hke
l saw. the pictures on q circus wagon.
Louisville Courier-Journai.
| Iris not every man who knows he has
conscience. What he imagines to be
one is too often bigotry, egotism, in
| capacity, ignorance and intolerance.
Often when some man imagines that his
conscience has been trampled upon, 1t is
only some of these qualities that have
been tampered with Modern Argo.
A SMART boy on Prospectstreet took
| it into his head to change the name of
his dog to Infallibility. The first time
his mother heard him call the animal
she exclaimed, "Why, Jack, what do
you mean by giving the poor beast such
name as that?' "Eh,n returned
, Master Jack, isn't infallibility dog.
ma af"-Cleveland Sunday Eoice.
II In view of the facts that we are near
ing the close of long, cold, stormy win.
ter, and that there is a probability that
the Joyous season OF birds and flowers
, and hand-organs and barefooted small
bows and tansy bitters will soon
spring into the lap of winter, we gather
courage to ask, Who ever saw q hood
wink Rome Sentinal.
LORD ALGERNoN SIDNEY GoRDof
} LENNox and Lieutenant Colonel Ralpl
r Reginald de Forest Edward Vivian hav'
r been hunting IN the Rocky Mountains
b Whenever herd of buffalo heard tn
r names they rolled quietly over on thei
e backs, while the foreman shouted out
: "Don't shoot; we surrender
York Commercial Advertiser.
SCIENCE SAYS now that kissing on tn
lips must be abolished in the interest O
Il health. Most potent, grave and reveren
seigniors. scholars and philosopher
there are moments you know nothingo o.
when a man don't care two cent
for science, and when he is goin
to plant kisses where they belong,
!. the laws ofhealth are torn from Alph
y y to Beer Sheba.-Shlhoater Lun,bermd,
d SHAKESPEARE is likely to be reinstate
o in public favor. Mrs. Abbey Sage Ricl
4 ardson has been lecturing on him out i
II Detroit, and she implored her hearel
X "not to underrate the great genius b
8 cause he had borrowed from the mint
4 of Others" We join our feeble voice
# Abbey's, and beg them not to. 1t woul
70 m make him feel so mean, you know
r Philadelphia Bulletin.
NJ The following scene took place Il
10 other day in Paris restaurant on Il
occasion of wedding dinner. An aw
ward waiter, in attempting to place (
as the table the soup tureen filed with f
Of chicken broth, spilled its contents on
Us lady's white satin dress. The lac
ut screamed and was seized with hysterit
Id The waiter stopped and shouted in h
ut ear: "Don't despair, madam, there
hl plenty of broth yet left in the kitche
/ am going forit now,"