Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1879-11-06
Aumoroas department,
yALISEs THAT LOOKED ALIKE.

VALISES THAT LOOKED ALIKE.
If the trunk manufacturers do not stop
making so many thousands of valses exactly
alike, somebody is going to get in some awful
trouble about it some time, and some trunk
maker will be sued for damages enough to
build court house.
The other day an omnibus full Of passen-
gers drove up town from the Union depot.
Side by side sat commercial traveller, named
William Macaby, and Mrs. Winnie G. Dunn
bleton, the eminent lady temperance lecturer.
When the omnibus reached the Barret House,
the commercial missionary seized his valise
and started out. The lady grabbed for it and
he halted
81 beg your pardon" she said, "but you
have my valise."
"You are certainly mistaken, madam" the
traveller said, courteously; "this is mine"
"No, sir" the lady replied, "it is mine. l
would know it among a thousand. You must
not take it." .-.
But the traveller persisted and the lady in
sisted, and they came very near quarreling.
Presently, one of the passengers pointed to a
twin valise, in the omnibus, and asked:
"Whose is that?'
"It isn't mine" said the traveller; ''it is like
it, but this is mine"
"And it isn't mine" said the lady; che has
mine, and I'll have it or I'll have the law on
him. It's pity if a lady can't travel alone,
in this country, without being robbed of her
property in broad daylight"
Finally, the traveller said he would open the
valise to prove his property. The lady OBJ
jected at first, saying that she did not want
her valise opened in the presence of strangers.
But as there was no other means of settling
the dispute, she at length consented. The
traveller sprung the lock, opened the valise,
and the curious crowd bent forward to see its
contents.
On the very top of everything, lay big
fiat flask, half full of whisky, deck of cards,
and one or two other things nobody knows
the name of.
The traveller was first to recover his self
possession and speech.
MADAM" he said, "you are right. The
valise is yours. I owe you thousand
apollo"
But the lady had tainted, and the traveller
relocked the valise with a quiet smile. Early
in the afternoon ign-painter down town re-
ceived note in a feminine hand, asking him
to come to the Barret House, to mark red
leather valise in white letters foot and 8
half long
ONLY A MAJoR-Burdette, the Burling
ton Hawkeye man, was up in New Bruins
wick, and here is one of his experiences:
"There," said one of the gentlemen of the
press, I think it was Mr.. McDade, of the
Necs, pointing to an officer crossing the plat
form, ''that is Major De Winton."
"Who?" 1 demanded, almost speechless
with amazement.
"Major De Winton," replied the good jour
nalist, apparently pleased at my emotion.
I turned on him. I said:
"Oh, it is, is it And you have the
thoughtless audacity to show me major, dc
you? You assume to think that came all
the way from Burlington to look at a major
do you? You think to impress citizen o.
the United States by showing him major p
could say no more. My emotion choked
ME. Why, had just come from the land o.
majors. The Dominion, may its shadow new
er grow less nor its fish more expensive, may
overshadow us with royalty; it may outnum
ber US with princes and taunt US with oul
marquisless condition but when you come
down to majors-great Cesar's ghost What
broad empire but hides its diminished head
in the shadow of our grandeur. Why, al
home buy all my garden truck" of colo
mel, and we hired major last spring to tack
down the stair carpet. 1t required the ser:
vices of two majors and some line officer,
forget his exact rank, to put shingles on my
barn, and when our provincial friends come
to Burlington, lieutenant colonel will hau
his baggage up town for twenty-five cents
Why, if all the captains in Iowa should die
half the country roads wouldn't be mended
this fall. Why, at the general elections, two
thirds of the vote of Iowa is cast by line Of
fcers, and the field officers cast the Other
third A major, indeed. / would have stood
in the rain week longer to see another prin
cess or a new governor, general, but when
can't get into an American street-car without
having colonel or captain draw bell punch
on ne and collect my nickel, I don't care tc
hunt around up here for majors Maybe
Mr.. - didn't know that l am colone
myself
pay A lady contributor tells this story:
had been out in Westchester county on visit
and while there I found kitten which
brought home as plaything for my two chill
dren. To prevent any dispute about the own
ership of puss, proposed, and it was agreed
that the head of the kitten should be mine
the body should be the baby's, and Eddy, the
eldest-but only three years-should be the
sole proprietor of the long and beautiful tail
Eddy rather objected at first to this division
as putting him off with an extremely small
share of the animal, but soon became recon
ciled to the division, and quite proud of his
ownership in the graceful termination Of the
kitten. One day, soon after, l heard poor
puss making dreadful mewing. and called
out to Eddy: "There, my son, you are hurt
ing my part of the kitten; heard her cry
"No, didn't mother; trod on my part and
your part hollered."
aSsH In certain village in the Highland