The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1879-04-03
A TALE OF A TOWEL
BY FRANK H. ANGLER

er, he was a bachelor, and possessed as
firm q determination to remain in a state
of single blessedness as did Miss Tabitha
Crasher not to do so. Mr.. Filkins had re-
Deatedly vowed never to become married
man, and Miss Crasher had always SOL
emnly sworn that she never would die an
old maid. At the time of Mr.. Filkins' ad-
vent into the .Crasher family, Miss Crasher
had already begun to feel some concern
about the consequences other oath, for she
was fast approaching that mysterious age
which generous public calls uncertain"
AN age when dates become invidiOus, and
annually recurring birthdays are passed
over quietly, without especial distraction.
Miss Crasher was the maiden sister of Mr..
Holofernes Crasher, and had for many
years been a pensioner at that gentleman's 8
liable To be sure. she performed several
useful functions in the domestic economy
of the Crasher establishment She disposed
of sundry tough fowls and suspicious joints
that failed to pass current with the other
boartlers. She ate the stale bread and the
cold boiled potatoes, and generally con-
sumed the final vestiges of hash that still
fingered after the seventh or eighth appear
ance of that useful article under other
forms and disguises- Still, she bore heav-
lily on her brother's purse, and still more
heavily upon his heart. The German stu
dent failed TO fall in love with her, al
though she had eaten nothing but bOlogne
sausage and pretzels and talked of nothing
but Schiller and Goethe during the entire
period of his stay. The chronological
professor refused to give her his heart, al.
though she had become an adept in hugo,
logy and had learned to discourse OF
lequidoptera and coleopotera in the sweet
est and most erudite manner. In the
course of her varied experience she had
become tolerably, well acquainted with al.
most every known science and business
pursuit, but all in vain. In despair, Mr..
Crasher had serious intentions of collaring
the next new boarder and of dragging him
To the matrimonial altar, in his sisters in
terest, at the point of the bayonet, as j,
were. At this juncture Mr.. Filkins ar.
rived, and Miss Crasber marked. him foI
her own. A room was assigned To him
Immediately adjoining that occupied by
| the lady, and the latter began, as the vul
garians have it, to LAY pipe"
But in vain did Miss Crasher leave open
her chamber door and assume graceful
attractive attitudes within. In vain did
she drop her handkerchief upon the stairs
when she met Mr.. Filkins coming down
and smile directly when Mr.. Filkius step
ped heedlessly over It and passed on. In
vain did she angle most patiently at al
times and places for Mr.. Filkin's attention
Mr. Filkins did not bite worth a cent He
was proof against all smiles and wiles, and
Miss Crasher and her estimable brother
were in despair.
| But Fate sometimes accomplishes what
human endeavor fails to achieve.
| One night-it was in the middle of July
Mr. Filkins retired early to bed, but no
to sleep. 1t was warm night The at
mosphere was close and oppressive: Mr.
Falkin's room was like an oven; the bee
was like furnace. Throughout the live
long night Mr.. Falkins rolled and tossed
and tossed and rolled. When the bed be
came uncomfortable he got up and lay OF
the floor. When the floor became to hart
and the carpet too scratchy he arose anC
sat at the open window. Then he wen
back to bed again. He lay on his righ
side, and then rolled over and lay on hi!
left side. He would have turned himsel
wrong side out and lay on his inside, II ht
had known how to turn himself bacl
again. but it would have been unpleasant
Mr.. FilkIns thought, if he would not b'
able to do that, and should be obliged I.
walk down town to his business mex
morning wrong side out. People nigh
make remarks.
al have iti' exclaimed Mr.. Filkins a
last; "I'll take a bathr'
He jumped out of bed and looked at hi.
watch. 1t was just three O'Clock. Tn,
first gray streaks of dawn were visible
through the window as Mr.. Filkins light
ed his lamp. The bathroom was on III,
lower floor in the basement.
"I will have an hour before the servant.
get up" said Mr.. Filkins to himself, -anC
I'll just take a nice, cold pour"
Gathering his night-shirt In one hand
and carrying the lamp in the other, Mr.
Filkins made his way cautiously dowr
l.S.. oil sb.n l,.~
ury of cold bath on a warm morning il
July. He filled the tub to the brim, an(
splashed around to his hearts content fol
nearly an hour. Then he let on the show
er-bafh and nearly drowned himself for /,
minutes mere.
"B-b-b-b-h-h-h. ~ shuddered Mr. Filkins
snow where's that confounded towels"
. 1t was evidently not there, or Mr.. Fill
kins would not have asked for it III,
stood up in the tub, with his teeth chatter
ing, and looked around. Then he stepped
out of the water, on the cold oil-cloth, ant
looked again. The longer he looked tn,
colder he became, and the louder his teetl
knocked against each other. Mr.. Filkin
indulged in considerable profanity an,
peeped out into the hall.
"1-I-suppose there's one in the k-k-kitch
en-" he said. I'll just ego and see
Bb-b-b-h- -h-hr
Shaking in every limb, he made hi
way along the hall and entered the kitch
en-. The servants were not yet down, bu
they were to be expected at any moment
snd il was, therefore, necessary for Nj
Eilkins to hurry. There was no towe
hanging in the kitchen, and Mr.. FIlkin
EXTENDED his search hastily to the closets
opening and shutting all the drawers an,
ransaching all the shelves.
In the meantime another scene In tn
little drama which Mr.. Filkins had ur
consciously inaugurated was being enaG
ted upstairs. Mrs. Crusher had also pass
ed a sleepless night, and at about fou
O'Clock Mrs. Crusher heard a noise.
"Mr. Crusher," she exclaimed, nrrvous
ly, 'there are burglars IN the house"
-Ehi What's" said Mr.. Crusher, sittin
;; up in bed and rubbing his eyes.
There are burglars in the house." sh
! repeated Don't you hear them? / bt
lieve they're in the kitchen"
"Nonscnsew said Mr.. Crasher; it's tn
cat"
mo, it isn't" said his wife. "Do yo,
think / don't know burglars from cats,
hear them breaking open the silverwar
closet now"
20, Lord ~ said Mr. Crusher, nervously
''You don't think so, do your"
"Yes, do. We shall all be murdered
Mr.. Crasher, how can you sit there ant
calmly wait to see me murderedr
sBut-but what can do 2" asked Crash
er, thoroughly alarmed.
"Do! Why. go downstairs and shoe
them,n said the resolute lady. Here
here's your pistol under the pillow. Come
brace up. Mr.. Crasher. Don't be a COW
ard"
'1've never ffired 1t off," tremulously
replied Mr. Crasher. MY dear, don't yoi
You think we'd better keep quiet and lie
them take what they can find, and g
away? You know only gave fifty cent,
a dozen for those spoons, and"
mo sirI" exclaimed Mrs. Crasher, deci
ded "The least you can do is to 60 on
in the hall and fire off your pistol. Tha
will frighten them away and may Kill
j some of them. I'll never sneak to Yor