The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1879-08-07

your suffrages. Fight 'em to the las
gasp, and, If you have to retreat, do i
with your face to the foe, selling you
life dearly at every step you take ant
| las the troops came nearer) as I'm s
little lame, guess I'lI start now"
When the charming Sidney Smith
complained to Yorkshire lady that il
was so hot he wished he could take Off
his flesh and sit in his bones, we detect
the same principle. A small boy was
hoeing corn in a sterile field by the
roadside, when a passer by stopped
and said: "'Pears to me your corn is
rather small" Certaifly," said the
boy, "it's dwarf corn" But it looks
as if you wouldn't get more than half
a crop" "Of course not" said the
boy, we planted her on shares" In
a Cape God Village. some years ago,
there resided very argumentative
schoolmaster. One day he opened an
attack upon a travelling salesman, an
Englishman. telling him that our folks
could lick" his folks easy. "Ah,
yes," said the EngIishman, but how
was it at the battle of Long Island
Brooklyn Heights-how was it there?"
"Oh. yes, I remember that, now you
speak of it," replid the schoolmaster.
"That wasn't of account. Somehow,
our folks didn't appear to take no sort
of interest in that scrimmage A
boy who was too lazy to work on a
farm, was asked by his father what
kind of business he would like to go
into. The boy said he thought he
would like to go into a cOunting-roOm
in Boston, for he thought it would take
a long time to find him place, and,
mean while, he would remain idle. So
they sent for the schoolmaster to see
what the boy knew about arithmetic.
& Tell me-" said the schoolmaster,
how much would 81 pounds of beef
cost at 81 cents pound ?" THAT'S a
hard one to do" said the boy, "with
two halves in it. Couldn't you make
one of 'em a ten ?" Every WE'LL"
said the schoolmaster; then tell us
what ten pounds of beef would cost at
4 cents a pounds" The boy was in a
4uandry. He had no idea of the null
DUPLICATION table, but he was Yankee
boy, and he got out of the scrape.
. Seven cents and a half a pound" said
he; "pshaw! that's nonsense. You
can't buy no kind of beef for q cents
\ pound" Another Yankee boy in
vented fying-machine, but kept ev-
secret, and sprang from the
caves of his fathers barn with the ma
,hine, and nearly broke his neck.
Looking up, he saw his brother Bill
ooking out of one of the barn win
lows. and Bill asked him: "How do
,ou like fyin' Tom ?' He had his
Wits about him, and instantly replied:
Oh, fyin's we'll enough they amt
10 trouble about flyin'; lightin's the
,int."
An old man in a Massachusetts town,
N old farmer from the North Parish,
'ntered the village bar-room one eve
ling. "Oh." said he, "you'd orter
,een over to our place this mornin'.
barn was burnt up fiatter'n
He was asked by a dozen
'oices how it happened. "Well, you
ee," said he, Pettengill was away,
nd Zeke, the Irishman, he went out
o shoot one of them brown owls that
ONE around in the daytime. The
set fire to the hay, and the
VhOle things burnt up, and no insur-
nee on it. Pettengill's most crazy
bout it." [Silence in the bar-room
or several minutes; perhaps out Of
for Pettengi1.] Then an
Id fellow inquired with eagerness;
Well, did he kill the Owl?" There
) very little sentiment in the mind Of
he true Yankee countryman. His
tterances are sometimes solid to lu-
icrous degree. A father said to an
Id acquaintance who came to condOle
7ith him on the unmanageablenesso of
is two sons who had committed a
in the next town, and had
9th been sentenced to prison: "It is
retty rough on me to have them both
o to onct, but there's one thing TO it
when it comes night now you know
7here them boys be-" During the
oyage home of several New England
armers from the Paris Exposition, a
used to air his knowledge
very day. Talking one day about the
avages Of black birds and crows in the
the ScOtchman asked why
hey did not dress a bale of straw up
Ike a man to frighten them away.
WE'LL" said one of the farmers, "that
} ingenious, but it's nothing compared
nth the article I've been over to Paris
D get patents on. Did you ever hear
t Gen. LeOnidas Brownlow's double
anti-friction, rear-propel-
er crow-scarer ?" Goodness, no."
he Scotchman replied, never have
card of it. What is that 2" Why"
aid the farmer, it's such an efficient
Machine that when the crows and
see it work they not only
ct away as quick as they can, but they
urry to bring back what they've stol-
n before!" A well-known public
aan in Maine some twenty-five years
60 used to tell this story: He found,
ne time, that he had two or three
ays to spare, and inquired of the ho-
81 clerk where he could find some
hooting. A countryman stood near
y; he said, "you ought to go out on
he Scarborough road about six miles
yer the bridge, and you'll find a pair
( bars on the left-hand side. Put the