The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1879-11-23

L ~ CSaE'i wy fttV w tp &fh'N 't'hb i' '"S
good for, replied that il was because he had
to be, or get damned.
The difference between q hon and mousse
trap Is that the mousetrap can't set Itself
saltwater Lumberman.
"Pa," said u little four-vear-old, tthere's n
man out there TINT would give anything to
see you "Whoi Is 1t. my sonY' "Itis d blind
man."
Master Tom ''Stand In tho |corner2 What
for2" His mama: because you are q bad
boy" Master Tom: Cant | be a bad boy
here just as welly'
He blow Into his gun to see
II loadfng up was needed:
The jury to n man agree
Ihnt tho gun blow after he did.
Young ladies under twenty should never
wear velvets.- Fashion Item. Cheer up,
girls, there are some handsome velvet-teens
made purposely for you,
A maiden lady OF our acquaintance has re-
solved to change her name to Conclusions"
having heard that men sometimes jump at
them.-INew York Commercial Advertiser.
1t Is said that q girl who can shed three or
four tears at a critical moment and follow
them up with q quiverlng sigh, can marry
all around q good-lookiug blonde who does
nothing but tries to blush.
Father-"And so papa=s dear ffttte boy Is
very III. Now Is there anything | can get for
him that will make him feel better p lava
lid don't know, papa-butI think l
wonldlike u gong"
Mistress ito her late servantl: "Well, Mary,
how have you been since you left me, and
where are You living ie servant:
please, manm, | don't live anywhere,
ma am I'm married. Judy.
A Boston woman cut her dress from a pat
tern in q magazine dated 1873 before she dis
covered that 1t wasn't 1873, and 1t took three
doctors to tide her over that long, lonely
night.
An exchange tells Il story about a boy who
Il nn ~ ,Nt tI, npnl nyy thin I@ fjffIn hnxu
mustn't think that what makes their sisters
and other female relatives robust will neces-
sarily be good for themselves. Cotton isn't
good for boys.
Never use fast words. 1t may not always
be agreeable. 'tHow do you like my boots,
love7" exclaimed d youthful bride. "Oh,
they're immense" replied the partner of her
joys, and she had the first matrimonial faint
ing away as the result.
A Spanish proverb says: The road Of
Bye-and-Bye leads to the town of Never
Baltimore News. That's nothing. II the
proverb had said: The song OF the Sweet
Bye-and-Bye' leads to the town OF Hardly
Ever" we'd have hoisted the yellow fever
fiag.-[New York Express.
Simon Burlingame has taken a fifth wife to
his home at Rlpon, Wis. Three Of her pred
ecessors died at yearly Intervals and were
buried side by side, with tombstones to match.
The fourth fled. affrighted by the first attack
OF illness, and would not return, thus giving
naT nuSDhlu lfRHl ground IoE divorce. Inc
fifth Is rs yet ~undismayed.
"What Is the Inference between the article
a woman has In her hand and the woman her.
self as she steps on q peach pairing while
chasing her undutiful son around the c~orner?'
was the simple question he asked. Its
easy, the one Is u slapping slipper, and the
other a slipping slapper," was his voluntary
answer, accompanied by the sickliest grin
ever witnessed.
They were looking at the hippopotamus at
the aquarium. Said she, Augustus, dear.
did you say that was a horse2" Eyes, duckte,
1 did; a river horse" "Well, Isn't ne made
up wrong, or deformed, or something OF that
sort2' "Oh, no; that's the only model of
blood stock they have in Africa: he isn't very
pretty, is her" "WelI, not very; but do YOU
know he reminds me Of you sometimes, Au-
gustls, DEAR How, dearie? When he
shuts his eyes and drifts into those delicious
phases Of reverie2' No, you old blessing;
it's when he yaWns."
London Punch Husband and Wife,: s'What
are you puzzling over, Ponsonby?' I'm
trying to answer o note from the dear
Duchess, as you call her. She's lone me the
honor to write and ask me II that st. Bernard
pup | gave her should be fed on meat or bis
cuits2' "Well. biscuits, shouldn't it?" "Of
course. But she spells biscuits with a Il, you
see, and [ don like to spell it properly for
fear OF hurting her Grace's feelings; and yet
! don't want L to get about that spell bis
she spells meat with two Els"
They were meanderlng arm in arm up the
street, and a short distance ahead Of them
walked a young lady very handsomely at
tired. The sun was about setting, and its !
all over tae earih: He said In rather . sub
dued tone of voice, How beautiful Per.
fectly. grandl' etc. well. I don't know"
was the response Of the fair one by his side,
mighty poor fit" He weakened, and the
sunset interested him no more.-[Yonkers
Gazette.
IN old gentleman who had provoked the
hostility OF q fashionable lady, whom he had
known in his boyhood, was asked by his wife
what he had done to incur the lady's displeas-
uTe. Nothing at att replied th5 innocent !
old man; on the contrary. | was very cordial
to her, and spoke Of the time when | used to
carry her to school, nearly half a century
ago" His wife threw up her hands in amaze
ment, and murmured: "How stupid men
are?'
Two ~grammarianS were Wrangling the other
day, one contending that it was only proper
to say, MY wages is high while the other
noisily insisted that the correct thing was,
MY wages are high" Finally they stopped
q day laborer, and submitted the question to
him. Which do you say, Your wages is
high or Your wages are high?." "0h, off
wild yer nonsense" he said, resuming his
pick, yer nayther ov ye right-me wages IS
low, bad luck to it."-[Fugitive.
The fact recently got out in CaIaveras, Cal, |
that a lady in North San Juan had suddenly
lost her power of speech as was supposed
through the smell Of fresh paint. 1t Is u SIN
guitar coincidence, but the next morning every
married man In CaIaveras made prepara-
lions to have his house painted. There never
We're such lively times in Mokelumne Hill
before In the way OF embellishment of private
residences. Every painter within fifty miles
OF here, says the Chronicle. Is busy at work,
and the demand for those artificers so greatly
exceeds the supply that many of our first"
citizens have graspad the paint pot and brush
and are applying the oleaginously embellish-
ing liquid themselves, TIN p.ice OF paint has
suddenly appreciated, and dealers ia that
article are amazed at the unaccountable live
illness of the market. The smell OF paint in
every direction is absolutely overpowering.
but-but, ah! we haven't heard of any such
sad occurrences as resulted at North San
Juan. No use, gentlemen; somehow or other i
the thing wont work here. /
-~ @-- |
what Eminent st. Louis Physicians say
I,.,4a ~, ~ $3.50 Il