San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1879-03-15
DvIT AND WISDOM.

the report that the city IL one OF broth'
erly love. .t-
A WRITER having spoken of "a charm.
ing young lady Of eighteen springs
punster suggests, probably her name
is Sofy."
THE most bashful girl We ever heard
of was the young lady who blushed when
she was asked il she had not been court
ing sleep. ...r.
JACKSON has had cold, and his vito
complains tbat he cough syrup dozen
times during the night to give him his
medicine.
"YEs," she remarked, "the poor, dear
man was getting along rs well as could
be expected, but he Ind relax, and
that ended him."
A RICH California Chinaman has been
divorced from his white wife. He would
rather give her allee-money than live
with her.
THERE is q young lady in this city
who goes by the name Of Earthquake"
among the boys, because she has shaken
SO many of them. Hs.,s,I
THOMPSON says you may Talk of your
water cures, your movement cures and
your blue-glass cures; but there is moth
ing like the sinecure. after all. hH
THINK of the slippriest thing in the
world, multiplyit by two, grease it with
goose-oil, and you have thepresent con-
dition of Rome sidewalks.-Rome Sen.
tinel.
"WE don't know everything" re.
marked the professor, "and we don't find
many that claim to, except now and
then one or two in the sophomore
class. ''''
ADoLpHE to Araminta. on their way
to church: SLOW L would I were the
prayer-book you clasp SO lovingly"
Reply: "How l would you were, for
then could shut you up" H
A GOOD looking young lady was caught
the other evening, smoking cigar. and
gave rs reason for the act, "that it
made it smell as if there was man
around"
In an Indiana church the best look
ing young Indies are selected to pass
the contribution boxe-, and there isn't
young man in the congregation that
dare drop in button.
The only lady who has ever enjoyed
the distinction of being school director
in the city of Philadelphia is Mrs. Har.
riet w. Paist. She is eminently quail
fled for the position and ought to stick
to it. ....
Now and then there is a clergyman
who says good things out of the pulpit.
The late Rev. Dr. George Bethune was
once asked why the cook didn't eat her
apron. Because it went against her
stomach, " replied he.
AN obliging spirit prompted the Jer-
sey farmer who put two-pound whet-
stone in every turkey he sent to the
New York market. He knew the buy
ers would find the stones indispensable
when it came to carving the fowls.
A PATENT medicine man the other
morning posted hand bills in every avoil-
able spot in the village of Turner's
Falls, and, according to the reporter of
that place, "before night fifteen goats
had enough medical information in
them to run an eclectric college,"
STRANGE there are men occupying
high positions in business and society
in this city, not knowing how to read.
This remark is suggested by seeing tho
number of intelligent-looking men ut
terly unable to discipher the mystic leg
end, please shut the door,"
SOME one called him lazy and it
reused him. LAZY! You don't know
vat yer say. don't vas lazy. 1 vas
work so hard as can. I guess I know
vat J. vas about. man gan be 10 lazy
rs he bleases off he wants to amt it,
Rochester Express.
A HUNDRED years hence some belated
will introduce q bill in
creasing the pensions of the veterans Of
the civil war of 1864, and the newspa-
pers will estimate that there are only
$1,000 such veterans still living Nor
ristOWn Herald.
A DUTcH saloonist, when asked why
he hung beer-mug in front Of his place
replied: "Dont dot constitution Of tho
United States say Hang out your ban
1ers on dose outside WALSH SO I puts
mine flag on dc front wall Of mine
,htore. "-Syrdcuse Times.
A MEMBER Of fashionable uptown
called at n music store and
inquired: Have you the notes Of
piece called the Song of Solomon"
ldding: Our paster referred to it yes