The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-08-02
WIT AND HUNIOR.

WIT AND HUM1OR.
How she DESCRIBED Ir.--Ic was u
bald-headed bachelor, whose heart for
the first time had been moved by the
tender passion,
"Then you confess" he said, In
trembling voice, to tho object OF his
regards, "that you like me u little
head2''
eyes," shyly responded the young
lady.
"And may ask" he continued, In a
voice Of emotion, "what those qualities
are2"
"I can hardly explain" said the
young LADY,. bashfully; "but really
think 1t Is because your head Is 50
mellifluent-I can't express 1t more
clearly.'
"Anu you can never know how ap-
preciate your high opinion" exclaimed
the happy bachelor, as he pressed her
hand,
He didn't know just what "melll-
fluent" meant, but he was sure it was
the synonym for something grand
and ennobling; and, when he babe her
goodnight, he rushed eagerly home,
excitedly took down the dictionary,
and feverishly turned to tho endeared
word. His blood changed to ice as he
read:
"Smooth, soft, mellow"
"1N selectinga bow" advises sport
ing contemporary, "be sure and get one
that will fit you in weight, length,
etc." How many girls think Of this
when selecting Il beau? Not one in a
inf .u1,n
Its In weight, length, and so forth,
provided his bank account is of the
right dimensions, while some are
guided by the quality of his clothes
and the size and color of his NOUS
tache.
A PARIsIAN DEBToR.-For the last
eight days one Of KS creditors has had
daily appointment with that amiable
spendthrift for 10 A. NJ, sharp, and x.
always apologies and asks him to call
next morning at the same hour. FL
nally the creditor says very politely:
"Perhaps if 1 were to call at later
hour--" X, with great efflslon
sharp L wish always to be calle.l at
that hour"
CAN, by .GeorgeP' groaned young
Mr.. Lethercd, sinking wearily into an
aches fcarfully." y apossiSie siei ," ny asked st
Mr.. Hardfax, his employer, with
look of curious interest and sy mpathy.
Possible2 Something must have
got into it," And then for long time
nobody said anything, and the room
seemed to grow about fifteen degrees
colder.
THE TOPIC OF THE IIoUR.-A good
story Is told by teacher of Sunday
school. A Sunday or two ago she asked
her class of little girls who went into
the ark with Noah. None of them
seemed to know, but one little girl
thought she must say something, and
nj not knowing, used her natural born
right ofguessing, and to the amusement
of the teacher replied, "His sisters and
his cousins and his aunts."
NOTHING can reach out farther than
cough at church. 1t may come from.
the rem otest corner Of the rear, but its
echo tlckles the throat of those In front,
and then creeps down the aisle and
touches the ushers, and floats from the
choir to the minister. and never re-
leases Its hold until 1t has wrung a SYM
pathetic explosion from every victim.
Perhaps you've noticed 1t.
A ADETRo1TER cured a long and severe
attack of neuralgia by falling down
stairs. That's nothing. Some years
ago Norristown youth was cured Of
bad habit of swearing by falling off a
cherry tree. Not single oath escaped
his lips since. The fall broke his
neck.
MILLIONS Of Intelligent women say
that Dobbin's Electric Soap, (made by
Cragin s. Co., Philadelphia is in
every respect, the best soap ever made,
and will do three times the work of
any other. Try it..
A YOUNG Scotchman at Aldershor
fell i'll, and was sent to the hospital. A
the chamber where the invalid lay. He
looked at it hard for some time, and
then he threw up his hands and
bawied: ooh, doctor, doctor, 1 Gamma
drink a. thatr'
A DISTINGUISHED Detroit judge was
asked day or two ago to write In lit
tie girls autograph album. He COM
piled, as follows: "My pen Is poor, my
Ink is pale, my heart it trembles like a
little dogs TAIL
OMNIBUS DRIVER: Well, you see, sir,
If you travels in train and gets
smashed up, aohere are you2 But, If 90
be. you rides on my bus. falls of and
break your leg, say, why there you are
CHARLIE: "Whcre did the parrot
come from ,mamma?" Mamma: "From
Africa, my DEAR" Charlie: "Then,