Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-06-13

McGregor Ne,Ds: A wife in the house
is worth two in the street.
Rochester Express: It's colored ex-
odus-that is, they're going like blue
streak.
Owego Record: An Owego man calls
his wife poor excuse, because she's
better than none.
A poet sings Of the twitter of "half
sleeping bird" He must mean q bird
that sleeps with one eye open.
There has been no rain in Bengal
since Christmas. That comes of trying
to run a country without weather
bureau.
Titan. they say, loved to paint red
have it love to dye it. It's better than
paint.
"You can buy whole states, if you
have money enough" says q cynical
politician. You can, you can. Even
the incorruptible state of Iowa has it's
Price. And he's good one, too.
Norristorn Herald: The Christian at
Work, commenting on scriptural Joke,
says, "some funny people ought to
read the Bible little" We believe
that publication is not on our exchange
list.
Last fall the battle-cry was, "The
Chinese must CO." This spring the
wall of alarm comes up from the south,
"By George, the negroes are going !"
There seems to be no way of pleasing
this old world, after all.
A Des Moines minister says he has
never known of q fatal case OF diphthe-
ria in house where soft coal was used
for fuel. Very we'll then, it doesn't
take us long to make up our mind.
Well take the diphtheria every time.
Alexander Stephens-well, what we
were going to say about him is that
when his shirt is hung out to dry it
looks like one leg of drawers with
bosom into it. And if we had have
knew We were going to get 80 much
grammar into that paragraph VIC never
would have wrote it.
| We have received long communi-
cation from o gentleman in Mt. Pleas
ant, proving that there never existed
such man as Shakespeare. Well, maybe
there didn't we can't find his name on
our books, but we will bet our Mt.
Pleasant friend $50 that Barbara
Freitchie was o real woman and an
actual existence, and be darsent take it
up.
In view of the recent debates in the
house and the senate, will not the poets
who sung so beautifully and peacefully
about brotherly love and sectional con-
cord. about the time the yellow gold Of
the north was going down to meet the
yellow fever Of tho south, please tune
their lyrics once more to the placid
strains of peace? Not that anybody
begrudges the gold, we only wish there
had been millions more Of it, and it
will go out Just as freely and cordially
the next time it is needed, but we Just
had a1kind of sort Of fancy that we
would like to hold lot OF those poems
in one hand, and report of the house
and senate debates on the army bill in
the other, and read them in alienation.
The whole dose would make such q
sarcastic bit OF tenderness and brother
ly antipathy and loving hate, we think
we'd Just like to taste it when it was
well stirred up.
CONFUSION.
It was rather late yesterday morning
when Mr.. Willaby got up, and he was
vaguely conscious Of confused recol-
lection of things, but he didn't say
much and tried to appear as cheerful
as he knew how. Presently breakfast
was announced, and the family took
their places at the table, but Mr. Will
ably was amazed, as he sat staring ct
six little round wooden boxes Of axle
grease ranged solemnly in front Of his
plate.
"Where under the sum-" he said,
with puzzled intonation, What in
thunder-where did all this axle grease
come from and what is it for?"
"Oh, is it axle grease ?" asked his
wife, with charming simplicity and in
nocence, Just trife overdone. +" You
said last night when you brought these
caus home that they were oysters and
would be nice for breakfast. thought
you had better eat them right away, as
they didn't smell as though they would
keep very much longer"
And then Mrs. Willaby removed the
cans, ana nef nuSDanu 6at anu looked AZ
the teapot and thought SO long that his
coffee was cold as rich relation when
he thought to drink it.
| CONGRESSIONAL PRoCEEDINds.
In the house, Mr.. Murch introduced
a bill providing for the payment of the
national debt in thirty, sixty and ninety
days. Also for the interchange Of gold,
silver and greenback bullion, and
making it felony for any miner in
Colorado to dig out more gold than
greenbacks.
Mr.. Weaver introduced bill to
provide for the opening and developing
of greenback mines in all states and
territories where gold and silver mines
are now operated.
BY Mr.. Gunter-For the relief of John
Jones, who was kept awake all last Fri
day night with the earache, and had to
help his wife take care of the baby all
the next day.
By Hoyle-Providing that in all cases
three of kind shall beat two pair.
i