Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-03-06

But when you find in last years vest
\ dime, in what pleasant way
II makes you feel al through the dav
Louisville COUrier-.JOurHdE.
Sarcastic Tutor-"So that's a spheri-
cal segment, Ell? Then [ must confess
| don't understand your diagram. !"
Cheeky Fresh" Oh, don'tyou? Well,
come around after the hour and will
explain it to you" Sensation. )--Acta
C0Lumbiana.
They begged him to play little. He
seemed 10 feel bashful at first, but after
while began to paw the ivory vigor-
ously. What power p said listener
to the owner of the piano. eyes," ex-
claimed the latter in alarm, he seems
to have considerable muscle: but he
ought to know that this isn't gymna-
SUM. "-Andreus' Bazaar.
GLOW much do you ask for that
goose" inquired customer of mar
ket woman. "Seven shill;ngs for the
two" replied the woman. "But / want
only one" said the customer. Il can't
help it, " said the woman. az amt a.
goin' to sell one without the other. To
my certain knowledge them 'ere geese
have been together for more'n thirteen
years, and amt a-goin' to be so unfeel-
IN as to separate 'em now"
If there is ever time in the life of
the washerwoman when her heart is
made to beat with joy, it is when she
finds diamond stud in the unwashed
shirt of the young man who owes her
years wash-bill. Then she laughs to
herself and says: Hell pay that bill
before he gets this back, as sure as my
name is Matilda Jane. Rome Sentinel.
When young tobacco-chewer, who
boosted that his father used the weed
up to the day of his death, was asked if
he didn't think it shortened his days,
replied: Not at all. Each one of his
days was twenty-four hours long, Just
the same as if he hadn't used tobacco"
Governess (desirous of explaining the
word "enough")-"Now suppose, Fred
dy, that you gave pussy all the milk she
can lap, all the meat she can eat. and
all the sweet cake she cares for-what
will she have?' Freddy with surprising
alacrity )-"Kittens !"-Boston Globe.
A citizen went into a Norwich hard
ware store the other day and inquired
How much do you ask for bath-tub
for a child ?" Three dollars and seven
ty-fve cents, was the reply. "W-h-e-ww
whistled the customer, "Guess We'll
have to keep on washing the baby in
the coaEscuttle till prices come down"
Bulletin.
When the Rev. DIR. Jessup, of Beyrut
College, Syria, now visiting this country,
had concluded a lecture at the Young
Ladies' Free Classical and Bible College. |
in Binghamton, n. Y, recently, he was
saluted by two of the lady students of |
the college in fluent Arabic. His sur
prise was great until they informed |
him that they had returned recently
from Jerusalem.
The average husband is very tract
able and accommodating person, and
eEdeavors to treat his wife with due
But when she sends
him on an exploring expedition to the
clothes press after an article of femin-
me wearing apparel, and after he has
CROPPED half an hour in the dark, bruis-
ed his knuckles on hooks and nails, and
become generally demoralized; after he
has repeatedly told her the desired ar
iele was not there, and she has often
that it was, and that it hung
IN certain peg in a certain corner; af-
er his wife mas repeatedly told him he
wasn't worth a cent to find anything,
md he was about to come to the CON
;lusion that he is an illustrious fool any
way; we say, after ali this has transpir-
I'd. and the woman falls to thinking, and
remarks, ooh, I guess | put it
n the chest up stairs, after all, the
nan slams the clothes press door and
his dignity as lord of creation.
Rome Sentinel.
All, yes, fond youth 1t may be very
ice to court a girl in the far northern
Countries where the nights are six
months long; but just think of the vast
of peanuts and gum-drops the
Dung man, when going to see his girl,
must lug along with him in order to kill
lme, and induce her to believe that his
Election for her is as warm as ever.
md then the sad leave-taking a few
7eeks before sunrise! He whispers
Good night, love-" and she softly muir
nurs, GOOD night, dear When shall ,
see you again?" Tomorrow night"
e replies, as he kisses her upturned
ace. Tomorrow night" she repeats,
18th voice full of emotion. six long,
cary months! Can't you eau around
few days before breakfast, Charles?"
'inally Charles tears himself away, with
promise to write her 100 letters before
lie next day draws to a close.-N0nis-
am Herald.