West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-10-18
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
~. Y. and his spouse dine together
The meal is almost over, wher lac take.
the bottle of Bordeaux, in which Is left
a scanty half-glass of liquor, and pre-
pares TO empty IL into his own tumbler
Don't, darling, don't" cries his
wife, who is superstitious; "if you
drink the last drop of that wine you
VIII be married again before the year
Is out, and / love you tao much for
that"
And she emptled the wine into hel
own glass and losses il off.
SCENE.-Augusta's boudoir. Lucy
holds an open letter I'm her hand, and
says; well, you see, dear, only met
him at Mount Desert this summer, and
we did flirt desperately, but its too alb
surd, his writing to me now and propos-
ing, now isn't it2" Augusta-"Awfull
bold, l think; but then il Is just like a
man. Shall you accept him?" Lucy
We'll l don'tknow what to do. He
don't deserve it, but then he's awfully
handsome, and besides | really think |
would be a good wife. | can make
spleAdid corn bread.
A GOOD woman, after the death Of
her husband, had married brother of
the departed. She preserved, never
theless, in her dining room, picture
of her first spouse. One day "A guest at
the table, noticing the portrait, asked
her IL 1t was member OF her family.
YES" replied the lady frankly, cit Is
the portrait of my poor brother-in-
law"
MAN was once asked how he and
his wife got along with so little fric-
ton in the family machinery. "Wel,"
said he when we first married we both
wanted our own way. | wanted to
sleep on linen sheets, my wife preferred
cotton, and we couldn't agree. Finally
we talked the matter over and came to
the conclusion that II was unchrIstian
to live in constant pickering; so we
compromised on linen and have got
along all right ever since.
-
BOGUS CERTIFGC ATrS.-It Is no vile
drugged stuff, pretending to be made of
wonderful foreign roots, banks, &c.
ana pulled up by long bogus certificates
of pretended miraculous cures, but a
simple, pure, effective medicine, made
OF we'll known valuable remedies, that
furnishes its own certificates by it's
cures. We refer to Hop Bitters, the
priest and best of medicines. --E1-
change. See another column.
COLONEL McClurg kicked a man out
of an Alabama hotel for personal af-
front. Six months after he saw the
same man kicking another poor fellow
out of another hotel. "Tush, man"
said the Colonel-"Hold, but amt you
the man i kicked out of the Nassau
House, little while ago?" keep
still, COLONEL" was the response.
Don't say one word. You and know
who it will do to kick
liz was a plain old granger, and
when his son informed him that he
had determined to go to college and
learn something, the old gentleman
looked straight at him and said: Nov
leok-a- here, John, you may learn
readin', ritin', 'rlthmetic, and little
biography, but if you grapple with any
O. them dead langwidges, I'll kill you
when you come home, sos they'll do
you some good"
NINE. D., who has been guilty of ut
tering a hasty word to one of the SER
wants, repents and says kindly to him,
John, Pm afraid l spoke Grossly to
you few moments ago"
John generously, ooh, madame, you
know that ] always make allowances
for my poor employers ~
"Do you see here where YOU are
charged, sir. with being drunk and
disorderly?" observed the recorder,
holding out the affidavit Just signed and
sworn TO by policeman. The tramp
took the affidavit, read it carefully, up
side down and replied: Am | to blame {?
never wrote that"
FIRST Boy-"Where yer bin, Billy ?"
Second Boy-"Bin fshin'." First Boy
-"Ketch anythin'?" with an anxious
expression on his face. Far-seeing
Second Boy-''No. But L expect ter
when get into the house."
AN unpleasant passenger on street
car is crying Baby. In such cases
DR.. Bills Baby syrup should be given
to the little sufferer TO ease its troubles.
20 cents bottle.
TIE pastor and deacons of a church
AT bdlHSNlIles texas, are SAID TO have
played poker, at cents ante and 80
cents limit, while waiting for a quorum
at business meeting.
He is wise preacher who pauses in
his PRAYER when the nre alarm sounds.
TO allow his people to count the strokes
and locate the box.
THOSE who work can take care OF
themselves, A kind Providence must
provide for loafers.
ARE you a wall flower" he asked.
and she replied, ono, l am wall sir. -
Then they Waited.
Az Oswego woman thinks her hus-
band very stern-because he's always
behind.
WAS William Penn's pocket-hand.
kerchief the original pen wiperg Who
nOse2
CHEMICAL analysis fails 20 find tho
least trace Of adultcration I'm Dobbins'
Electric Soap, ,made by Cragin & Co..
Philadelphia, Pa. For sale every
where. It's for your interest to try g.
Can the fellow who tenders a Iadt, q