Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-02-14
FU n !!

NATURAL H1sToRY-THE BABY
What animal is this?
This is baby. He is now about three
years old, and at the wlckedest point of his
earthly career.
What countries does the baby mostly in
habit?
He can be found in every inhabited coun-
try on the globe, the same as mosquitoes
and boils.
Can they be tanned?
Yes, quite easy. After a little judicious
discipline they cease to struggle and be-
come subservient to the will of man.
Does baby eat grass?
Yes, OF anything else. They swallow
pocket-knives, thimbles, buttons, spools,
or any other object little smaller thar
tea-cup. If offered milk they seldom re-
fuse it.
Do they Craze during the day, or only
at night?
They are always grazing, paying not the
least heed to the hour. When not actually
eating they generally give utterance to
peculiar CRY. Strong men often jump out
of bed at midnight in the coolest weather
when hearing that cry.
What meaning is attached to this cry?
Men of deepest thought have agreed that
it signifies to wake up the neighborhood
and have-seme fun.
Of what benefit to mankind is dOmes-
ticated baby?
They are of no earthly account for the
FIRST few years, but by and by they can
slide down hill or cellar door and carry
articles out of the house and trade for
wooden sword, or lose them in the grass
Do you know Of any instance where the
baby has attacked the household and kill
ed or injured any one?
Such instances have been related by
such eminent naturalists as George Fran
els Train and Texas Jack, but we don't
put much faith IN them. However, it the
baby was maliciously provoked, there's no
knowing what it might do.
Are they healthy animal?
No. On the contrary, no druggist could
make enough profit in a year to buy him
pair of Artic overshoes but for the pre-
sence of baby in every household. There
il hardly an hour in the day that the baby
does not demand peppermint paregoric,
apecac or something else costing money.
What machinery is made use OF to COM
pel the baby to take dose of castor oil T?
There are several patent medicines for
the purpose, but most people follow the
rule of knocking him senseless, and get
ting the dose into his mouth before he re-
covers.
Is the bald-headed baby more domestic
than others?
Not a bit. He kicks around after the
same fashion and has even worse time
fighting flies and mosquitoes.
What music do they seem to prefer!
A base drum is their first choice, but
they have a heavy leaning toward the
sound of the stove-handle knocking the
nose of the pitcher with the emptyings in
it.
This is all about the baby. Take anoth-
er Cook at him, for the next week we shall
write about some other reptile.-Detroit
Free Press.
An old darkey who was asked it in his
experience, prayer was ever answered, re-
piled: 'sWell, sab, some pra'rs is ansud and
some isn't-'pends on wat you axes fo'.
Jest arter de wah. we'en it was mighty
hard scratchin' fo' de culled bredden, l
,hsaryed dat we'nebber I pray de Lod to
SEN one O. Marse Payton's fat turkeys TO-
de Gle man, dare war no notice took OBJ dc
parsitio on; but we'en pray dat he would
sem de ole man fo' de turkey, de matter
was tended to befo' sun UP mex mornin'
dead sartin.''
A sophomore, on being asked for an
excuse for his absence from chapel on Sun
day. said he was out walking and was sc
far from college when the church bells
rang that he could not reach the chapel in
season. and so attended the village
church. "Whe preached there?''' asked
the professor. 81 don't know" said thu
student. .ssome stranger "Indeed!'
was the reverend gentleman's response
81 am SURPRISED oil1o "" ~ NV os
mise me-"
Little Laura was tired and sleepy OF
Christmas night, when she went to bed
and forgot to say her "Now Lay me-
81 touldn't go to Heaven tonight, man
ma" said she, as her mother pulling OF OF
her little stockings. "Why not, darling =
ssTos Pm 200 tired.'
A wife. having lost her husband, was
,incorsolable for his death. Leave ne tt
my grief" she cried, sobbing; ''you kno"
the extreme senslbility of my nerves, {
mere nothing upsets them."l
lsBe careful how you punctuate thu
stove, p is the latest. II means not to put