Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1879-07-01
IL humorous,

The other day, says the New Haven
Register, an Irishman, evidently not
long resident Of this country, walked
up to the ticket Office in the Union depot,
and said to Alderman States;
"Giyc me ticket for Easthampton"
Massachusetts or Connecticut" ask
ed the genial dispenser Of pas,eboards.
"Naythur, want a ticket to East
hampton"
81 understand, but there are East
hamptons in both this State and Mas'a-
chusotts," exclaimed Mr.. States.
"Bcdad, an is that SOP Which one
does it cost the most to go to?' asked
the son Of Ern's Isle.
Massachusetts - answered Mr.. States.
owen, then, be the powers, I'll take
the cheapest onc.'
The traveller was accommodated with
a ticAe. to Eds,hampton, Connecticut
and he rot aboard the Air Line appar-
emily quite happy,
lie remarked at the evening meal ~
saw Miss jelly this morning; came pat
upon her. 0. butter dress was pretty,
trimmed with knilcs, plates, ana seal
lops, and fitted TO II tea. Her jcwelry
was hnc, especially hcrrlngs; her COM
pleXion was creamy, and rs she castor
eyes upon me saucer they were beau
tiIulIy blue, and felt as if I'd cruise the
wild seas over to win one smile from her
cherry lips. \ spoon, please"
A party Of Iishmcn went to cloth
ing store to buy suit of clothing IN
which to bury dead comradc. All va.
rielirs of garments were examined and
discussed by the mourning friends, but
none could be decided upon until one OF
the party held up Il light, thin suit, say
ing, "Bcgorra, let's take this, b'ys; It's
thin an cool, and poor Pat will find 1t
mighty comfortable"
IlooDw1NKING TuE WiDow.--The pen
sion agent at Pittsburg has received the
following letter from an Ohio man'
PoE CITY, April II, ls7O.-Mr.--;
Dear Sir,-l hope you will not think me
foolish for writing ~ do but ! am do
Ing business for myself now, and ] am
going to see rich widow woman aud !
want you TO send me Il letter stating
that my pension will come to about
~ 900, think II will, If get one. all
want you to make II look as well ns
you can In my favor. she Is worth S2O,-
900. write me as good letter as you
can and will send you 81 by return Of
mail Yours 1'ruly,--------
Direct to Poe City, Medina Co.,O
T.. $. Please answer by return of MALL
Nature abhors monotony. q. lIusscy
argued that he could stand any amount
Of repetition; II was with him only q
question Of wages. The contestant, TO
prove his theory, offered him $3.50 day
for year to carry u brick from his store
on Clay street, to store over the way
and back ten hours day, Sundays oN-
ccptcd. llusscy faced the monoiony
galy, and ut eve chicklcd over the $3.50
received. 'fhc second day, all right, OH
" u yawn now aud then and an Increase
Of tobacco-squrlv, ill yesterday, the
nth day, he pctcred ont and cayed IN.
"Never In my life did do work 10 cN-
hausting. l'd rather starye than 90 on
another day. Son Fydhcisco Lciter
A gentleman wishing to obtain board
for his wife and family IN the country
wns directed 10 u neat.looking fafm
house kept by an old farmer aud his
wife A brief inspection satisfied him
that the place would suit hin. But
now as to terms" he Hld. "Waal, "
drawled the farmer, "You have six
children, you suyY" "Yes SIR" The
old man reflected a few moments aud
then resumed Last year took chill
dren at half price. DO you see them
par trees and belry-bushesr Waal this
year will charge full prlco for the
young 'uns and throw In your wife and
,.r,sagtf for nufhini ~