Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1879-07-07
Putting Oh "a Collar.

1
At this time Of the year almost every man
purchases sem ccw sylo Of Pic,adlly collar.
| AS the heat has au alarulioS tendency to make
the average cellar wilt aud lock mean, he gets
| some with as macy phys as possible. What be
! wants is collar about as thick ds the wood
which is used for makiCg cigar boxes uo
succeeds, after dlliscnt search, 10 getting jus:
what he needs, and in the cvcuiog, beiJrc call.
Jog on his fair one, he thinks he will put on a
ucw collar and q white ntcl tie. This is how
be does it, acc Drding to The New York S;ar:
He goes to his room and selects collar aud
buttons it on bohld; then be iaseDs one ot the
ends in iront, and in doing 50 is compelled to
look up 10 tho air like a chicken swallowing
water, aud to make facial ggratl1ns which
would bring him forum, if be coui execute
them upon psnt0Elnc stage. A!tcr SUI
tanned effort, which briggs forth tears and per-
spiratiou. he manages 10 button the first end.
and takes brest6lug spell bctor, cs'ayog
to fastcn the second. III, is 10 state OF des
pera.ioo DOW, for, unfortunately, ne has bat
twJ hours since he Gu: his uaiS 90 short that he
finds it utterly impossible to pIuch the button
hole arouod bis collar button. the iosido pr
tiou of whi;h occasionally grips him like a vs,.
.nd c.ulcs him 10 rlck2r up his lips as though
he had Just eaten green p:riumon, and to
close one eye as though about 10 r!luco over
gun barrel at decampog cat.
IL isa terrible ordeal for him; &c TURKS arouad
90 his heel and sW,ys bis lett arm 10 give i'm.
pelus to bis short nails, bu: it is a!l iu viio;
that Collar seems more pgv3rSc and hxcd IN It's
Intentions every moment; and the man icels as
though ho would like 10 grasp tho unbuttoned
end aud with ooc effyrt y4nk himself Oft bis
feet He DOW gri,s his teeth aud t1k,s hold
with both h1ods, and after q desperate cncjun'
ter Of three m,nucs the collar is oo. Alter
trsahiog SPELL he bends the cad; over and
sort Of psychological rslo5ow cnanlcls his Tea"
lures. The next thing on The programme is TO
get out white ntct,le, which hc doss. En1
soon has il oround hi neck and iastcncd 10
bow, which he tHiukS vii lad favor 10 the
critical eyes Of ASgcinG du!iug the evening.
MS By SHsRs Rs @s b1s h Kas 5i' f'
portion Of his collar l2c!ted Directly uaoer us
irft cor. Ia 80 ius;aat his coat AMI vest ere OH,
and re puts The boz 10 place, ard takes pin
from his bureau to fastGn bis neckte To nls
c3llsr ia a mauncr watch will make It's sAiting
from fixed position on utter lupos:lbliy.. 30
hc cranes bis neck forward for the operation.
Tno collar is 50 thick that the tsat OF penetrat'
iny il with pin i5 80 easy matter. lhls u"
d.s,overs after h, has mad, few desperate
hut Intellectual lurg5s 10 vlin.
Evcrv ,iuc he presses his thumb agalost the
ninteai be iuugiucs it is abou, 10 run up into
him and shoot out soDcRhcrc between MS
arist and kruckle:: co'he puts The back OF his
hrush handle between bis thumb and tho plp'
and alter IlaYirg i sip eff aud scTac1 bis ht,
gers several tunes, the pin il iual!2 ftr!eu
thronyh with a volociy .ha. cirflcs 1t
into bis n;ck Then ho whup:rs
scm,, and srss3s the hra,h asaiu
to drjvs the pin from tho inside TO tno OUT
sido Of his collar, and thus have everything
GIed to his satisfaction. Tue pin then bands oHt
of ebape, and he il compelled to thro" II on lhe
door and Jump on it for revenge GolnS 70 tno
cushion for saohnr pin. he di!cQvefs thefo - nov
| one in il; 90 no picks ho oendcl ono up 0h 'N'
! Gnor and eLrarhtens it out Win 5ls teen
| In order To r.sten that necktlo % MS co'iai,
ujtbou. having tho trouble no cxpclienceu ~
his 1irsL essay, Sc remove; j. from his neck ana
qooD has the operation perfcrmsd he inca !sa
70 button il on his shirt agsIn. after t'3HlnH ~ ~
tho bach button for 3 faw minutes u 81 'niuso.o
| menbe, lie, of, aud with nn c1p!c'sion MOI noio
| cnrcihle than elegant . CJEoi to i!9 conc.u.oa
that he will be Obliged 10 ru. on = c.o,n sni. :;
| Ali this time nc 10 boiling away iiXe intntA >.
| Vnsnvius, and after ha dons the lresa Ehitt Ho
o,ides around 10 har h?u.e only to discover tnsI
inn object Of his affections is laid up T!Ih Gals
and can't be seen. At tha junclu'e MS leel'nsa aE
beggsr description, so tao rea1er VIII P'e''o 'u
iGc.yor 10 imagine them.
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