New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-09-17
WHOLE NUMER 80.
VARIETY AND HUMOR.
Excuse haste and q bad pun.

VARIETY AND HUMOR.
Excuse haste and bad pun.
In spring time charity begins to
-" Greatly to his credit''-A bank
deposit.
We scuttle q boat at the bottom.
and house at the top.
The Gar is not yet a-Nihil-ated
sovereign. Riladelp bulletin.
In the olden times it was customary
for lovers only to imprint kisses on the
eyes.
1T was q goose that laid golden
egg and got killed for tn. D. Rca-
game.
The executioner gets man down
to q dot when he puts period to his
existence.
"A live turkey would seem to be less
noisy than dead one, for one makes
only din, the other a dinner.
Live business men advertise in
newspapers. dead ones on the grave
yard sombstones.-W Whitehall Times.
III you want to know what to think
OF q man ask him what he thinks of his
neighbors. If he secs their best side
you can trust him; If he discourses of
their bad side make him pay cash or
get his goods somewhere else.-M y.
Herald
"A Whitehall woman offered her
little son his choice between q stick of
store gum or a lump of spruce. He
was undecided which to take, and re-
marked: How happy could be
with either were the other dear chaw,
ma, away" Whitehall IN. W Times.
"A Fairhaven lass, with visions of a
bridal trousseau before her eyes, has
recently given the gentleman who is
paying his addresses to her gentle
hint, by presenting to him neatly
worked card. upon which is Inscribed,
- need thee every hour. "-Boston
Herald.
=" No man shall ever kiss me ex.
cept my future husband" she said. as
he was about leaving her at the gate.
Suppose agree to be your future
-" 6 Why, then, I'll kiss you," she
replied eagerly, and she did. Her
mother was Informed that he had pro-
posed, and the old lady called round
the next day to fasten matters, and,
before he knew it, he was eternally
booked. 1t was a mean advantage,
but bird in the hand is worth two on
the front gate.-Binqhanaton Repub-
Hcan. -
There appeared to be some ire
sistible force endeavoring to impede his
progress as he would shakily advance
step or two, and then execute q ret
rograde movement, bringing up at the
starting point. He was undoubtedly
as drunk as lord, and the ground ap-
peared to roll beneath him like unto
the oceans restless waves. All atonce
he was seen TO reel, endeavor to catch
himself, and then sink heavily into a
heap on the pavement, and when the
Dystanders ran to his assistance, he
said: 'Atsh sheverest shock fan earth
quake ever sperienshed, n I've bin on
ish coast since 80. Mutsch damage
done, y reckon?" -CaHtornia Paper.
There is a very big flower with a
queer name, RaD7esia arnold; but tho
oddest thing about it is that it has
neither stalk nor leaf. l don't mean q
dead flower with the stalk and leaves
plucked away, but living and grow
ing flower. The one heard of meas
ured three feet across, weighed ten
pounds. ard could hold about two gal.
Ions of water. 1t was found in the
East Indian Island of Sumatra, but I'm
told that others of the same family
have been seen in South America.
These curious flowers grow UPON the
roots OF other plants, seeming to sit on
the roots, and spreading up like heads
OF cabbages. -" Jack-in: tAe- P,llpit,' 81.
Nicholas for May.
=" The weather has undergone a
great many changes--a great many
changes unused Mr.. Smiley, as he
took his ulster from its hook of retire.
ment for the seventh time this season.
You could depend on something set
tied about this time of year when / was
a young man, but since this new-fan-
gled Probabilities man has taken charge
OF the winds and waves everything has
gone topsy-turvy. Heseems to have Won
derful control of the elements, now tell
you. Why, the other morning the sun
popped up above the horizon as bright
as pewter platter, and I thought I
should get some peas planted before
noon. But Old Probabilities, alias In
dications, read eight rain, possibly
snow and I'll be smitten If there
wasn't six inches of snow before dinner
was over. There'l be no peas this
year if he is going to keep the weather
contract" And the old gentleman
turned up his coat-collar and detected
ly strolled down to the market to see
what was left over from last year that
would boilupnice and tender for greens.
49, Nc1D HO1,e,l Eon1sfor