davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

you're wrong. 1t is because neither one

you're wrong. 1t is because neither one
can climb tree
''Dreadf,il! But speaking Of betting re-
minds me Of Mark Twain's bet that he
could tell 10 a quart how much water ran
under Il certain bridge, and he won the bet
by answering, Two pin:s.'"
That makes me think of an old adycr-
tisement saw yesterlay-'Quart bowls OF
all sizes tor sale at Mnrphy's.'
''Surely Murphy must have been an Irish
man, and that reminds me of Mike Riley.
He WAS doing some work on the root of a
building, and got frightened when about
to descend, SO called to some of the by
ISLANDERS below to throw him rope. They
did SO, and. taking hold Of the end OF it
with firm grip, Nike jumped to the
ground
That makes me think of the two Irish
men who roomed together one stormy
night, and when Pat awakened in the
morning, 'Shure" lie says to O'Ratierty,
did ye hear it thunder in the night: no,
an did it thunder thought .Thundered
till it shook the artil fairly.' BE jabers! !!
an Why didn't We wake me thin? Ye know
| can't slape when it thunders! -
Dicks was the last joke cracked for the
apples; and nuts came next and We were
soon all crackers OF another Kind. But
none felt worse for the merriment of the
evening, and all agreed that
"a little nonsense now and then
Is wholesome for the best of msn''
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
A Short Sermon to Beats.

Some people almost seem to forget that
it costs anything to publish a newspaper
| and it is such who are specially addressed
in this article, and whom it ought, in all
fairness, to concern. There are few and
a very few, who are downright sponges,
who ''beat'' everything and try to get
something for nothing. Such Jeremy Did
dlers we do not care to argue with. 1t re-
qu;res no assurance 10 tell them, when
they try their little game and when it is
known what they are doing, that it will
not work. But there are gentlemen and
ladies, everywhere, who thoughtless!y act
as if newspaper were sort OF public in
stitution, Ike a city hall, or park, or a
highway, supported somehow by taxes,
and whose accommodations are free to any
who may have occasion to use them. 1t is
not easy to remind such of their thought
lessness. although we know it is nothing
else. They have some project which they
desire to carry out. 1t may be charitable,
it may be one of mere pleasure, it may be
for intellectual improvement, it may be re-
ligious. 1t requires the cooperation, pos
sibly ti,eusseiupllng together. CT q number
or persons. 1t is bore to them to ad-
dress notes to these persons and to post
them. Perhaps it is something that the
general public is interested in, and nothing
short Of directory would furnish a list of
names to whom postal cards could be ad-
dressed. Bat everybody reads the news
papers, and so the publishers are requested
to take the place of the United States mail,
Daring the stamps) and to communicate
the wishes of such as may ask it to their
fellow citizens. OF course this is very Of
ten done in the proper way, with tender
of payment for service. But there arc
people who do not remember that it costs
the proprietor ofa newspaperactua money
to perform this service, and that they
ought to be paid for it. Such persons do
not hire a carriage at stable to drive
about the city and invite their friends to
an evenings entertainment. and forget to
offer to pay the stahle-keeper. They do
not put their notifications into the post
office, and Willingly neglect to put on the
requisite stamps. They do not employ an
errand boy to deliver messages, and let him
go without remuneration. 1t is only the
newspaper which is supposed to do this
sort of thing ''for the fun of it,"
There is no more reason why every
project which involves public
should not pay the news
papers for its advertising as certainly as it
pays for it's ice-cream. The managers for
get that their special charity is not the
only one which makes demand on the
but that while they themselves
share the burden Of this one enterprise |
,nly, the newspapers are called to share
he burden OF nearly all. Charity suflereth
ong and is kind, but it will not ''pay off,
Saturday night.7TLODeH Couri,r.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
The RetOrt Courteous.

The other evening, at little dinner-par-
ty up town, one of the guests. the young
er brother of an English nobleman, ex-
pressed with eommenable freedom his
opinion OF America and its people.
81 do not altogether like the country"
said the young gentleman, ''for one rea-
son, because you have no gentry here.''
sWhat do you mean by gentry"' asked
another OF the company.
"Well, you know" replied the English
man. "Well-oh, gentry are those who
never do any work themselves and whose
fathers before them never did any"
s'Ah," exclaimed his interlOcutor, ''then
we have plenty of gentry in America, but
we don't call them gentry; We call them
tramps."
4 laugh went around the table and the
young Englishman turned his converse
ton into another channel. II Nsv York
Graphic.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Wit ant HztH2O7'.
4 sleeping fox catches no poultry.

Lawyers motto-"Be truthful and mul-
liply and replevin the earth.
A jndgc. sentencing man to death. Oh
served: prisoner at the bar, you will
soon have TO appear before another and
perhaps better judge
An inscctologer has discovered that the
best time to eXarline the wonderful archi-
lecture of a hornets nest is after the hor-
nets have moved out.
We are requested hy the publishers of
Mr.. Benson's Fifteen Years in He'll to
''read and give the book good notice. =
Not this weather, if the court knows it
self. and it thinks it does.
At certain supper of sleeps heads. a
guest was so charmed with his fare that he
threw down his knife and fork. exc!aim-
ing: "Wcll, say I. shcep's heads forcyer!'
"There's egotism," said Jerroli.
Tie "spirit was moving" and there
was quite revival in tie church. An eff
fort was being made to bring forward
members who had strayed from the path
Brother S arose. and, warming up
with his subject. exclaimed: There is
nothing that the Lord hates so much as
id bsckslider!' 4 triumph of zeal
over grace.
Rev. Or. Somniferous. having the week
previous married couple, is interrupted
by the ex-bridegroo,n, while enjoying the
paper and a quiet cup Of tea. Ex-Bride-
groom-Ah! my dear doctor, allow me to
present you with little memento (SlO
billy. That marriage turn,l out better
than expected.
The Chicago -. ..al fscetiously re-
marks: ''I'here a. Doth silver and lead in
Leadville, Col. The silver is found in the
canyons af the mountains. and the lead in
the revolvers of tie mountaineers, and the
man who goes out there is more likely to
GET loaded down with the latter than with
the former.
Sheriaan's power of repartee was never
keener than upon an occasion when he had
been snubbed By the Chief Justice. He sat
in dogged silerce, listening TO the judges
charge to the jury. All at once an ass be-
gan TO bray. Sheridan arose in his statli-
est manner, and. addressing the court,
said Il beg your pardon, your Lordship,
but did you not hear a remarkable echo in
the courtroom?
A young man of North Hill sat down at
the piano, and began singing for the ply
sician's daughter. ''Theres sigh in the
heart" Just then the old gentleman
came in. young man." lie said, severely,
you arc entirely mistaken. 1t isn't a |
sigh. There may be sigh from the
lungs, but from the heart, never. You
have made an error in diagnosis. What
are the symptoms?'
A good story is told of cclored minis
ter of Ballard county who was brought to
trial before his church on charge of
stealing bacon. After a number of wit
nesses had been examined. the deacons re-
tired, and soon after returned the follow
ng verdict: 1.-The Rev. Moses Buldso am
ackwitted of de insinuations dat he actual
lid stole de pork, as twas not shode dat
else intent have been wearing
lis cloZc; but de brudder is hereby tee
ionately warned dat in de future he must
)e more keerfnl."
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Whole N O., 500.
Our Boys and Girls.

MA. has sister Eloy ever travelled any ~
NO, child, no." ''rhen, when was ally
in under the sof. Sunday night, and sistsr'
and Mr.. JOHN came in from church and
was a-settin' in the big rockin' cheer, how
come her to say that the incest land sl,c
ever was in was Lapand:'
Maud with much sympathy in her voicey
-"Only fancy, mamma, Uncle Jack took
lis to picture gallery in Bond street, and
there was picture of lot of early Chris
tians, poor dears, who'd been. thrown to
lot OF lions and tigers who,were aevondng
them"' Ethel with more sympathy
''Ies, and mamma, dear. there was one
poor tiger that hadn't got Christian
a poor ragged lad came to a ragged
school in Ireland-a miserable little Arab.
of the streets, with scarcely trace OF the
child in his face. One day, however, he
appeared radiant in new suit of Clothes
''How is this, Mike?" said the teacher
''Oh, sir" he said, ''sure daddy's teeto--
taller; and never stopped tih brought
him to the meetings, and he signed the
pledge; and look at me now, sir!'
A nonplussed theologian is said to have
sat up until 4 late hour fruitlcssly trying to-
get the tangle out of the following anec-
dote. which IS related in Mir. Conway's re-
cent book: ''In an orthodox family, with
which have had some acquaintance, lit
tie boy who had used naughty expressions
of resentment towards playmate, was ad,
mOnished that he should be more like
Christ, who never did any harm to his en-
emies. No. answered the wrathful child,.
but he's a-going to-
"Iiave you enjoyed our strawberry fes-
tival. boys:'' ''Oh, yes, sir!'' Them
asked the teacher. seeking to append q.
moral. ''if you had slipped into my garden
and picked those strawberries without my
leave. would they have tasted as good aG
now?' Every little boy in that stained
and sticky company shrieked, 'No, sir!'
why not?" '''Cause," said little Thomas,
with the cheerfulness of conscious virtue,
''then we shouldn't have Lad sugar and
cream with en-
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

1
1t was New Years night, and cold--dear
oh! 1t makes me shiver to think of it now
but in those days the mercury never fell
low enough to frighten the Milvale young
folks out of frolic. Captain Reeves was
the place appointed for our gathering this
time. and by 8 o'clock about dozen sleigh
loads were emptied out at his door.
While we were still thawing out around
the great stove in the sitting-room, some
one came in from the hall and left the door
open, which made an unpleasant impress
sion upon Tom Smith, who sat nearest it,
and he Immediately calculated:
"When is door not a doorW
"When it's a jar, and | suppose that is a
hint for me to close it," came from Mary
Lewis. the erring party. "And when is
your nose not nose?" she asked as she
took seat near Tom.
''When it's turnip, reckon" some
body answered, and Tom, with mock in
dignation, began remonstrance to Mary,
but she interrupted him with-"Indeed,
Tom, that was not what ] meant, but you
know it is a little reddish now.''
''That reminds me of good thing read
in the Pioneer Press last night" said our
host. "A wag went to party wearing a
coat not long enough for the fashion, and
some one said to him, Jack, your coat is
too Short when he at once replied, oh,
well, it will be long enough before l get
another Next day chap undertook to
tell the story, and said: Dillon got off a
good joke last night. Some one told. him
his coat was too short, and he said, oh,
well, it will be long time before get an
other!' Pooh = says his listener, i don't
see where the joke comes in
'sHow did that chap differ from you.
WHIP" said the wag of our crowd to a
newly-married cousin of his, when Tie
laugh subsided.
HE was mistaken ard you have taken q
MISS" Dick answered, when no one at
tempted guess. g =,
.'That reminds me of the bachelor who
was asked where man generally goes
when he gets married, and instead of an
swering, TO Havre,' said, To Rouen.'
''That makes me think of another French
town that a sailors trousers call to mind. !"
toulouse, OF course" Dick said, '.but
that's old. Girls, can you tell me what an
imal dropped from the clouds?'
ssWasn't ii q rcindeer?' asked modest lit |
tie Mary White, and tl,en she blushed as
laugh started at her expense, for that in
oOrrigible Dick answered:
"Yes, it was the rain, dear"
''Rather far fetched, that; and that re
minds me of, why is horse like an ele-
phantr
s'Somothing about trunk, I'll bet"
"Don't bet Tom; it's naughty. Besides, |
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
A Fable, 8ut N0sNzOraI.
Contributed by Pastor for the Consumption
l.,k

Contributed by Pastor for the Consumption o.
the Cloth.
Once upon time there lived in the town
Of Canaan a man whose name was Joseph
Prettygood. His character, though good.
was 10 better than it should be. He was
OF large and influential family in the
town. and had acquired great wealth, by
means Of which were legal in every re-
spect, whatever else might be said. One
day.his noble span of horses took fright.
ran away, overturned the carriage, threw
Mr.. Prettygood against great stone, and
he was killed outright.
In great grief the family sent to Rev.
DIR. Eloquent Consolation, pastor of the
church in Canaan, for his attendance at the
funeral.
Now, it occurred to Mr.. Prettygood to
stay, before leaving the earth, and attend
h's own burial services, and by doing so
he heard a great discourse, setting forth
his virtues and comforting his friends. He
was reminded how he had shingled the
church, tuned the organ, put in new
furnace in time of need, and established a
''widow's fund.- to relieve such as might
be found destitute. Propriety forbade DR..
Consolation from mentioning that every
Christmas he received from the ladies a
costly present which was understood to
have been paid for with Mr.. Prettygood's
money.
An account Of the funeral containing the
discourse i'll full was published in the
Springfield Republican, where the depart
ing one found it, and, if he was pleased on
hearing if hn WIS still moro ,,lnnenh
reading it, so much SO that he concluded
to cut it out and take it with him. 1Iav-
ing nc occasion to remain longer, he bade
farewell to earth and went boldly up to
heaven, where st. Peter did him the honor
to meet him without the gate. Mr.. Pret-
tygood, to save any further formalities.
presented the report of his funeral, which
st. Peter read carefully, and then replied
''This is a most excellent sermon, and DIR.
Consolation is most Worthy man, but if
you wish these gates opened you must
bring some better recommendation than
even the best of funeral discourses, tor it
is we'll understood up here that they are
very unreliable evidence OF sainthood."
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Statistics for Girls.

A young English statistician who was;
paying court to a young lady, thought to-
surprise her with his immense erudition.
Producing his note book, sne thought he
was about to indite 4 love sonnet, but was
slightly taken ahack by the following ques-'
ton:
Glow many meals to you eat day!'
''Why, three, of course; but Of all the
oldest questions
''Neyer mind, dear; Ittelr you all about,
it in a moment"
His pencil was rapidly at work. At last.
fOndly clasping her slender waist:
Now, my darling, I've got it, and if you
wish to know how mucn has passed thrO'
that adorable little mouth in the last seven--
teen years, can give you the exact fig
ures."
sGoodness! Gracious! What can you
mean?"
''Now, just Iisten,' says he, ''and you
will hear exactly what you have BEEN
obliged to absorb to maintain those charms;
which are to make the happiness Of my
life."
'.But don't want to hear"
''Ah, you are surprised, no doubt, but
statistics are wonderful things"
Just listen: You are now sevent cen
years Old, go that in fifteen years you have
absorbed oxen or calves, s.; sheep and
lambs, IA; chickens, 327; ducks, 2O4; tur-,
keys, 100; geese, 12; game of various
kinds, s2f; fishes, lGO; eggs, 3,l2l; vege-
tables, (bunchesl, 700; fruit, (baskets(, COS;
cheese, l02; bread, cake, ETC., lin sacks Of
flour), 40; wine, (barrels), IL; water, (gal-
lons), 3,00O."
At this the maiden revolted, and jump
ing up, exclaimed:
~ think you are very impertinent, and
disgusting besides. and will not stay to-
listen to your upon which she flew into
the house.
He gazed after her with an abstracted air
and lett, saying to himself:
''If she kept talking at that rate twelve
hours out OF twenty-four, her jaws would
N twenty years travel distance OF 1884,
ia miles,
The maiden, within two months, mar
led welLto-do grocer, who was no STAT
sticlan.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Detcru ined to be Exact.

A schoolmaster after giving one OF his
scholars a sound drubbing tor speaking
bad grammar, sent him to the other side
of the room to inform another boy that he
(the master) wished to speak to him, at tho
same time promising to repeat the dose II
he spoke to him ungrammaticaHy. TrS
youngster, quite satisfied with what he had
received, determined to be exact, and thus.
addressed his tellow-pupil:. ''There is a.
common substantive, Of the masculine gen.
der, singular number, nominative case. and
in an angry mood, that sits perched upon
the eminence at the other side of the room,.
wishing to articulate few sentences to-
you in the present tense"
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Another Richmond In the Field.

DR.. Burleigh will settle in the Yellow
stone valley with his family. The next
we hear of him he viii be the Democratic
candidate in Montana for Delegate to Con-
gress; and the Montanians can rest as
sured if they elect him to that position
they will have, with all his originalities
and eccentricities, one of the ablest repre-
sentatives ever sent from the mountains.
As an off-hand debater he has not many
superiOrs.-Bkack Hills Journal.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

AT the residence of VIM. Rodden,
near Wheatland, CAL, the room in which
two young ladies, Ida Dunn and Cora
Hesley, were sleeping was entered on the
night of the 9Th inst. by an unknown
fiend, and both ladies' were beaten nearly
to death with an iron bar, which was sub
sequently found on the premises. Armed
parties are securing the neighborhood for
the inhuman wretch.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

Good church members in Texas trust to-
Providence, but they also believe in keep
ing their powder dry. Thus we read that
at recent general baptism in that State
the other day, when the fourteen candi-
dates walked down to the water, fifteen
revolvers were deposited on the bank Of
the stream. that Of the preacher making.
the fifteenth,
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
A S0ft Hat.

"What kind of hat do you want, young
man, soft or stifi?'' inquired the proprie-
tor of a hat store OF a oguish-looking GUS
toner.
Soft said the youngster.
"Wly don't you git stiff 'un, Bilrr
whispered his surprised friend.
"A stiff NM eiacnlated the Ynnld-hes
purchaser, staring contemptuously at his
companion. '.An' what kind of chance
do you suppose, I'd have for gettin' out OF
the house with stiff hat under my jacket.
without ma seein' it an making me come;
back?"
His friend was silent.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

Manly Stevens, Of Hunters creek, near
Detroit, arrived home June 14tf, and find
ing john House there, suspected him Of
intimacy with his vile, shot him three
then shot himself and expired Immediate
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

The would-be assassin of the Car IL
said to have been q school-teacher, but he
must have been miserable one, for any
schoOl-teacher who could Miss at two
PAGES certainly isn't 1T to teach the young
ideas how to sho0t.-Bostos Courier,
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
Poetry.
w ri.teH for the AvANT COURIER -
Love IL Er;se.

Love II Erue.
[Suggested, on hearing the remark: "There
is no such thing as pure, unseitish love, in ali
the universe
Is love lie? OH hath u heart no choice
To cling with purity to only one?
Doth love ne'er speak, or is it lust's rude voice
That bids me fondly eleave to one alone?
If love is false, then God mus: bs unjust;
For could He not with justice make love true,
And drown the raging fire Of bruti.h Inst
liz wrath, and hide Its victims from our view?
If love is false, what passions guide the pen
OF him who writes Of purity and truth
OF him who sings the praise of honest mon,
And clothes them with an everlasting youth.
If love is false, oa! Why doth memory live
Ana keep with tender care from all apart,
The last fond words that dying lips could give,
Enshrined forever in my aching hsart?
But love is true, know, snd God is just;
And love with gentle hands will close my eyes,
ask no more, my heart can fondIy trust,
Sweet love to lead me to Gods paradise
WILL ARTHUR DAVIS.
Bozeman, II. T., June, 1879
HOmesteaGs and Prs-EM p..oEs.-The
New Act 10 Provide Additional;
Regulations for II osa esteRd and
rSre-E,Es, g,tSo., ...fr.ss
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
NO. 2.-PRE-EMPTION.
Land Office, at :.

LaHu OIHce, AT ........., ........., TO-. I.
......., of ........., who made pre-emption
declaratory settlement No. ......... for the
........ do hereby give notice of my inten-
ton to make final proof to establish my
claim to the land above described, and that
expect to prove my claim by the follow
Of
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26
ssss.ssssssssssssss
(Signature of claimant.)

Land Office at ......... ........, 49,. No
tice of the above application will be pub
lished in the printed at which
| hereby designate as the newspaper pub
lished nearest the land described in said
application. .....-....-....., Register.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-06-26

There is good deal OF misunderstand-
ing, which is evinced by frequent inquiries,
in regard to the late law providing addi-
tiOnal regulations for Homestead and pre-
emption entries, and therefore we print the
full text Of the law and regulations now in
force in the land Offices. 1t is important
that the public should know this new
change, and not go long distance with
their witnesses expecting to prove up at
once, as it cannot be done without thirty
days notice, as will be ceen below.
THE LAW.
AN ACT to provide additional regulations
for Homestead and Pre-Emption entries
OF public lands:
Be 1t enacted By the Senate and House Of
Representatives. of the United States Of
america IN Congress assembled, That be-
fore final proof shall be submitted by any
person claiming to enter agricultural lands
under the laws providing tor Pre-Emption
or Homestead entries, such person shall
file with the Register of the proper land
Office notice of his or her intention to
make such proof, stating therein the de-
scription of lands to be entered and the
names Of the witnesses by whom the neces-
sary facts will be established.
Upon the filing Of such notice the Regis
ter shall publish a notice that such applica-
ton has been made, once week for the
period of thirty days, in newspaper to be
by him designated as published nearest
such land; and he shall also post such no.
tice in some conspicuous place in his Office
for the same period. Such notice shall con-
tain the names Of the witnesses as stated
in the application. At the expiration of
said time Of thirty days the claimant shall
be entitled to make proof in the manner
provided by law. The Secretary |
Of the Interior shall make all necessary |
rules for giving effect to the foregoing pro-
visions. Approved March 3, 1879.
THE REQUIRED BLANKS.
The following are the blanks used and
required for the compliance with the above
aw: