St. Landry democrat., 1879-08-09
1l)aifs ;A: And 11)hirns.


The Railroad Gazette thinks that
Hash knife, the last new postofice ID
1exar, may be fairly held 70 balance
Fried Liver, in Arizona.
by father, wAAt is an Israelite 81
My son, an Israelite is a rich Jew
"And what i, q Jew, my father2'' "A
poor Israeiite VI Puck
."Tn4t man is rich, - said the con-
ductor. You know him then % said g
companion. "No, but he groanFI when
he paid his fare!"' "Doea every rich
man grosu when he pays his are p
"No; but everyone who does g1oau Is
rich"
An Englis= showman's version of
the story OF king Darius Daniel and the
lions was as follows: "' At him. says
the king. We won't, Gays the lions
At him. again says the king. 'Bowec
if we will says the lions which wa9
sell for the great king Darius, and very
Wexatious."
Well, madame" said John Newton
to ons who was complaining Of the
imperfections Of others, If there were
perfect church on earth it would cease
being SO the moment yon and | entered
it." And that remark still has peril
nent application for those who wild oe
the slowest to apply it to themselves
AN absent minded man in Monroe.
Conn.,, went to church the other morning
with his overcoat, as he supposed, on his
arm but the laughter of the people in
church directed his atten tion to the TACT
that he had taken his everyday panta~
looms and that the suspenders attached
to them were dangling about his legs.
When man enters church during the
singing of hymn, and sits down to hear
the sermon, only to see the contribution
box passed around and find that the
services ares just over, his feelings are
only equaled byths man who falls asleep
in his pew, and in 8 creamy state calls
to the minister to 'sset 'em up again"
The usher is q variety shoT at Pala-
disc, New, stood where he o6s!tncted
the view of several pc sons in the
o,d;o,oo remOnstrance drew a shot
from his revolver, wounding quiet and
popular young man. The usher was at
once seized. taken out OF the hall, ana
hanged to tree.
*. has in vain essayed the theatle,
oyel.writing, j8u urnalism - fortune re-
mains unkind. still cut OF luck =
queries a friend, on seeing him walking
the bouleyards on his upPers. Out OF
luck ?''-why, sir, if I were to turn sboe'
maker everybody would instantaueousiy
be born without legs-that's the sort of
luck l have,
Mr.. Beecher likes q joke. On the
recent visit of the Brooklyn regiment to
Montreal the horses for the staff were
furnished at Hartford, Conn. When the
stout, solid looking bay assigned to the
chap1ain was led out, Mr.. Beecher asked
the stable proprietor if be was reliable
and sac. Perfectly so, was the an
swer, "He will % anywhere, is not
afrsid of the military or ears. There
isn't mean thing in hi H." Mr. Beecher
looked the animal over for moment,
and quietly remarked: II wish he
BELONGED to my church"
-" When Littledeld was in England
he one morning tried horse, and the
result was an unexpected exhibition OF
form. The horse had an engagement
that very day and he proposed to MIR.
Sandford to 1un him. Mr.. Sanford
listened attentively, and then said:
sLittlefeld, think you have been eat
ing pig Now, Littlefeld knew the
meaning of most phrases, but he could
not understand this. What do you
mean, Mr.. Sanford p he asked. Why,
lust this was his reply. There was
once q man who backed himself to eat
pig. On his assurance that he could ae~
complish the task, friend stood some
money on him. TIE day for the trial
came, when, to the disgust of his friend,
the man, after getting half through the
pig. was beaten, and put down his knife
and fork. Il thought you said you
could eat pig" said the friend in dis
gust "and [ have lost my money on
youl You can't eat pig" " "Well,'
said the man, -' I ste one two hours ago."
That is your case, Litte6eld. You have
It'd too near the race