The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-11-01
VARIETY.
Chinese


Our outgO-COin.
No gO-Chinese-
Advertising is a good thing, but when prom
inent grocer recently carried an umbrella, on
which was pointed cOnspicuOusly the business OF
his house, and held 1t over the clergyman s head
while he read the prayers, the bystanders
thought he was running the thing into the
ground
Scene - Dinner party on the finish of
second course Mr.. Host 90 Oh Mrs. Brown,
could I assist you to a small piece OF fish p
Mrs Brown (whO has been raised above her ORR
ginal pOsitiOn) oh no, thank you; | am
quite satisfed-Ieast ways as regards the fish,"
Judy.
Mrs. A. Somebody in the next room.
wonder what they are doing" Cooking visit
fully at the keyhOle) I've a good mind to
peek" Mrs. B.: - don't care I'm dying to
know" (Puts eye to keyhoIe, but Immediately
takes il away, discOnceFted.) - Hum the key
is in Mrs. B.: - Yes; so found before you
came in"
Onion parties are all the rage in Iowa. Six
ladies' take an onion with them into a room and
one of the number takes a bite of it. Then a
Young gentleman is admitted, and, after kissing
all OF them, if ne fails to tell which OF them
Bit the - ingun,' why then the girls all of
them compelled TO kiss him, he Is compelled
10 kiss all Of them-we forget which. The play
will have a big run here, II the onions hold out.
a chrome goes with the play
A Rosy FuTuRE.-Th They were in the bel-tOwer
Of the City Hall yesterday, and she leaned her
yellow haired head on his agricultural shoulders
and listened to the mighty =" tick tack tick -
of the big clock.
:. We don't want such big clock as that, do
we, darIIng7" she whispered.
- No, my little daisy, he answered, he
hngZed her little closer - can buy a clock
for 81 which1I run three days TO this clocks
EwO I've got her picked out alreadyI'
- Wen be very very happy" she sighed.
You bet we willlT I've figured it right
down fine, and / believe we can live ON twelve
eggs, one pound Of sugar. ten pounds Of -four and
=. And you'll have bank account?" she
pleaded.
81 will, even if have to buy secondhand
one
{" And we will keep eOaohman p
=. And have piano p
- Yes, darling
'' And 1 can have some square pillows with
shams on them?''
YES my tuIip-yes, wen sham every burned
thing from the cellar to garret, have the front
door painted blue, and-but less gO'n look at
some secondhand cook stoves l''-DefTOh Free
Press.
UNDER THE BED.-About ten O'Clock last even
ing the residents OF Spring street, somewhere IN
the neighbOrhoOd of the Episcopal Church, were
alarmed by series Of piercing and ear-bursting
yells, and half dozen people rushed to the dwell
ling from which all the music proceeded. There,
upon the parIor floor, they found the lady Of the
house in Mysteries, inspired with but one motive,
to raise the roof of the bOuse by her shrieks.
She was not exactly dressed for company, but she
didn't mind that, nor anything else for that mat
ter. until some minutes had elapsed when she
recovered sufficiently to gasp that there
man under the bed. The two three other
women who had gathered in the room showed
signs Of fain5ng, and The men lost color but fin
ally mustered enOugh courage TO explore the bed
room. \ search failed to reveal anything more
horrible than a dIlapidated hat and utensil gen
orally stored in such places. The hat was looked
upon as a solution of the trouble, her Imagination
having swelled It TO full-grOwn TObber but the
woman persists IN the statement that there was a
real, live, moving man under that bed when she
looked, and that he escaped during the confusion
that followed.
MRs. CHANG Foo's TRoUBLEs.-Before Mrs.
Chang Foo became Mrs. Chang Foo, she was Miss
Frederica Muller, and the fact of her having
changed her Of single blessedness to married
Joy with Chang Foo caused her former TeutOnIc
female friends to regard the act with such feel
ings of horror. that it ripped the hooks and eyes
from the backs Of their several garments. Chang
Foo i n Celestial converter OF terrestial-sOIled
linen into immaculate raiment in which godly
work Mrs. Chang Foo aids and abets by agita-
ting the articles washbOaTd. When the
females u1Q eXlau-teQ epteebs Luc yOuhuc III
the neighbOrhOOd Of the laundry, which Is at 3l2
Girard Avenue, began TO annoy peaceful Chang
and his very cOntented spouse They made jeer-
ing illusions to his queue and cast reflections on
the cut Of his eye and the color Of his skin All
these things the sOs Of the Orient bore with a
rs,tient shrug but his wife. who Is u tall, slender
Young woman, resented them, and guarded her
imported lord with watehful eve. Jacob Am
brosIa, n cIuckIe-headed boy of the KearneyIte
stamp, was one who took special delight IN
ANNOYING the washee man. and on Tuesday he
shied brick at him and struck Mr. Foo IN the
side, dong him much damage Mrs Foo pro-
cured warrant for jacob, and yesterday that
pugnaciOus youth stood in the Central Station
dock, while the FOOs detailed the story OF their
wrongs Chang smacked the Good Book with
true Christian zeal when the oath was put 70
him. and told, in English that was very plain
how he was annoyed, whereupon Jacob was put
under bail, and Chang Foo and his wife returned
10 their starch and suds.