Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1879-07-03
Nntauruus department,
SECURING A BREAKFAST.


ly noticed it at all.
Presently he took out roll of bills and
began to unroll them slowly, as though about
to declare dividend in his own favor. He
had no sooner commenced than the proprie-
tor stepped out and accosted him with very
pleasant smile:
"Good morning-fne weather|
eyes," responded the pedestrian, indiier-
emily.
"Had your breakfast YETI"
"Not yet"
After few minutes more profound silence,
the restaurateur, with an eye to business, con.
tinued:
"Now, I've just got the best place around
here; won't you just step in and have break
fast"
II think WILL" murmured the stranger,
as he suffocated a smile of prospective rap
ture.
Then he entered the saloon, took seat at
a table pretty near the stove, rubbed his
hands together, and carolled: ..-
"Now, then, for dejeuner la fourchette !;
Just favor me with synopsis of the dainties !"
He was soon the possessor Of a programme
"Is this porter-house steak reliable r
"rhe best in market"
"Then let me have one pretty rare. I am
always very particular about my diet at this
season of. the year. received some very
valuable hints on eating from the Duke Of
Clarendon while was his guest last fall.
You may also bring me some fried potatoes,
coffee and a plate Of buckwheat cakes and q
fresh napkin"
The aforementioned things we're soon placed
before him, and he set to like grist-mill.
The steak evaporated in manner which left
no doubt in the mind of the restaurateur Of its
merit.
another cup of coffee, please, and don't
put any milk in it; I don't care to endanger
my life by drinking the questionable milk of
great metropolis"
at is perfectly pure, sir"
"Never mind; prefer it black. l got in
to the habit of slipping cafe noir while loung-
ing in the gilded saloons of Constantinople!
Here the tourist buttoned his coat up
around his throat to conceal the fact that be
had no shirt on.
The coffee was brought him, and he finish
ed his breakfast with toothpick.
"You keep good things sir, and I am high.
ly obliged to you for entertaining me- Good
day"
"Sixty.6ve centsp' roared the eating-house
man, Indignantly.
II guess not you invited me in. You
said come in and have breakfast; 50 it was
your treat wasn't it?''
Then he got out as quick as he could and
left the restaurateur in frame of mind which
beggars description.
When he arrived at the next corner he solil-
oquized:
81 knew he'd want my trade when he saw
the roll of bills in my hand. There is moth
ing like wad of Canton flannel rolled up in
Confederate bill to make people respect
you"
A MISTAKE IN THE NAME.-The steamer
Helvetia, of the National Line, some years
ago, was on her way from New York towards
Liverpool, when she came up with a Dutch
ship staggering along under all sail, and 60
ing, perhaps, eight miles an hour. As the
weather was fine and the sea comparatively
smooth, the captain of the Helvetia deter
mined to pass near enough to the Dutchman
to speak to him. AS, however. the ship was
steering rather wild, it was not prudent to 60
too near, and the vessels were in pretty long
hailing distance, when the Dutch captain be-
gan the task of hailing through his speaking
trumpet.
"Shteamer ahoy
"Hallo," replied the captain at the top Of
his voice.
"Vash shteamer vas dot you call" said
the Dutchman
"Hel-ve-tiar r shouted the captain, dividing
the word to give it due significance.
"Go to hell NIT you yourself" was the indig-
nant response. "You dinks your big shteam-
er insults somebody" and the Dutchman
sbeered off, disdaining to hold any further
parley with the steamer, which soon shot
ahead and left him far behind.
A SERIOUS OBsrAcLE.-A young darkey
had conceived violent passion for neigh
boring mulattress, and taking her one night
behind him on an old farm mule, set out for
Georgetown to have the ceremony of mar
riage celebrated. But in endeavoring to nav.
igate mud.hole on the Georgetown hill, the
mule apparently lost his power of locomo-
tion, and the darkey got down to examine in
to the cause of it. Unfortunately, he got too
close to the animals hind legs, and an unex-
pected convulsion of the mules extremities
shot him out to the side of the road with a
violence which resembled the discharge of a
cannon ball.
"What's the matter~ inquired the pros
pective bride, astonished at these hurried
movements.
"Matter! dar's heap de matter. Dis we'd
din amt comm off,"
"What's de reason It ain't2"
"Dar's reason 'nuf-dat mule got sum6n
de matter wild his hind legs, and Use got
sum6n de matter wild my stomach-and dat's
reason 'nuf to stop weddin'."
And it did.-Denver Ne,os.
sd Judge Kelly always most candidly ad-
mitted his legal mistakes. On one occasion
Counsellor johnson pressed him very earnest
lY for decision in his favor, urging the ab-
sence of all doubt upon the case, because his
lordship had decided the same points the same
way twice before. $50, Mr.. Johnson" said
the judge, looking archly, shifting his seat
somewhat, and struggling up his right shoul.
der-"so, because l decided wrong twice, Mr..
johnson, you'd have me do so a third time ?
No, no, Mr.. johnson, you must excuse me.
I'll decide the other way this bout" And 80
he did.
D9 A few days ago. says the Whitehall,
IN. W Times, party of gentlemen were to-
gether. One man, a joker, stepped up to a
member of the party, and holding a long hair
up before his eyes, said "See here, old fellow,
this looks suspicious. Where did this long
hair come from?' "Why, that's from my
wife's head" care you sure Of it?" "Sure
of II Q oe ooproa T on, - UT nm, eorrx, 1,on q No