Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-11-21
mnIk Twain.

Following is the full text of Mark
Iwan's response:
Tho Babies-As they comfort us in
our SORROWS, let us not forget them in
our festivities"
l like that. We haven't all had tho
good fortune to he ladies; we haven't
all been generals, oil poets, or states.
men, hut when the toast works down TO
the babies, we stand on common
ground, for we've all been babies. 1t is
a shame that Tor thousand ycars tho
worlds banquets have utterly ignored
the baby-as if he didn't amount TO any
thing If you gentlemen will stop and
think minute-it you will so back fif-
ty or hundred years, to your early
married life, and re-oontcmplate your
first baby, you will remember that he
amounted to good deal, and even
something over. You soldiers all know
that when that little fellow arrived ut
family headquarters you had to hand in
your resignation.
HE TOOK ENTIRE COMMAND.
You became his lackey, his mere
body servant, and you had to stand
around, too. He was not commander
who made allowances for time, dis
lance, whether or anything else you
had TO execute his order whether il
was possible or not. And there was
only one form of marching in his
manual Of tactics, and that was the
double-quick. He treated you with
every sort Of insolence and disrespeot,
and the biavest of you didn't dare to
say word. You could face the death
storm of Donelson and Vicksbarg, and
give back blow for blow; but when he
clawed your whisksrs and pulled your
hair and twisted your nose, you had
TO take it. When the thunders of war
were sounding in your ears, you set
your faces toward the batteries and nd.
vanced with steady tread; but when he
turned on the terrors Of his war-whoop,
you advanced in the other direction
and mighty glad of the chance, too.
When he called for soothing syrup, did
you venture to throw out any side re-
marks about certain services unbe-
No--you got up and got it. II he
ordered his pap.bottle, aud II wasn't
warm, did you talk back2 Not you
you got up and warmed it. You even
descended SO far in your menial Office
as to take suck at that warm insipid
stuff yourself, TO see il it was right.
three parts water to one Of milk, a
touch Of sugar TO modify the collie, and
drop Of peppermint to kill those i'm.
mortal hiccups. | can taste that stuff
yet. And how many things you learned
as you went along; sentimental young
folks still took stock in that beautiful
old saying that when the baby smiles in
his sleep, it is because the angels arc
whispering to him.
VERY PRETTY BUT "roo THIN"
Simply wind on the stomach, my
friends IL the baby propo,ed 10 take
a walk st his final hour-2:30 in the
morning. didn't you rise up promptly
and remark-witA mental addition
which wouldn't improve a Sunday
school book very much-that that was
the very thing you were about to pro.
pose yoursell2 0, you we're under good
discipline. And as you went fluttering
up and down the room in your "un.
dress uniform" you not only prattled
pndignifed baby talk, but even turned
your martial voices and tried TO sing,
"Rockaby baby in treo top" for in.
stance. What spectacle for All army
Of the TENNESSEE And what an all &c.
ton for the neighbors, too--for II isn't
everybody withIu n mile around that
likes military music at three in the
morning. And when you had been
keeping this sort OF thing up two or
three hours, and your little vclvet-head
intimated that nothing suited him like
exercise and noise--"Go onlp--what
did you do2 You simply ptni on, till
you disappeared in the last ditch.
The idea that baby doesn't amount
to anythingl Why, one baby IL just q
house and front yard full OF itself
ONE BABY CAN FURNISH NoRR BUSINESS
than you and your whole interior do
pArtment can attend TO. He is enterpris-
ing, irrepressible, brim.full OF lawlees
activity. DO what you please, you cant
make him stay on the reservation. SUI
ficient unto the day, il one baby-as
you are in your right mind. don't you
ever pray for twins. Twins amount TO
a permanent riot; and there isn't any
real difference between triplcts and an
ipsnrrection.
Yet, il was high time for toast-mfs
ter 70 recognize the importance Of the
babies. Think what Is in store for the