Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-04-25
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BOUND TO HAVE HER.-The old man
Bendigo keeps pretty sharp eye on his
daughter Mary, and many a would be
lover has taken walk after few min
utes' converse ton with the hard-hearted
parent. The old chap is struck this time,
however, and cards are out for the we'd
ding.-After the lucky young man had
been sparkling Mary for six months, the
old gentleman stepped in as usual, re-
quested a private confab. and led off with:
"You seem like nice young man, and
perhaps you are in love with MarY?"
Eyes. am,'' was the honest reply.
Haven't said anything to her yet, have
you?'
sWell, no; but think she reciprocates
my Affection
"Does eh? Well, let me tell you some
thing. Her mother died a lunatic, and
there's no doubt that Mary has inherited
her insanity"
s.I'm willing to take the chances" re-
piled her lover.
"Yes, but you see Mary has terrible
temper. She has twice drawn a knife on
me with intent to commit murder
s'I'm used to that-got sister just like
her. was the answer.
ssAnd you know that I have sworn a
solemn oath not to give Mary cent of
my property continued the father.
"Well, I'd rather start in poor circum-
stances and build up. There's more ro-
nance in it,"
The old man had one more shot in his
carbine, and he said:
ssPerhaps I ought to tell you that Mary's
mother ran away from home with butch
or, and that all Der relations died in the
poor-house, These things might be
thrown up in after years, and now warn
you.''
''Mr. Bendigo,'' replied the lover. ''I've
heard all this before, and also that you
were on trial for forgery, had to jump Chi
cago for bigamy, and served year in
State prison for cattle stealing. Pm going
to marry into your family to give you
decent reputation. There, Lo thanks
good bye"
Mr.. Bendigo looked after the young man
with his mouth wide open, and when he
could get his jaws together, he said:
'sSome hyena has gone and given mo
away on my ge!"-DetroI Free Press.
The interests in the Talmage trial in
ereases faster than interest on bank note.
In fact it is expected the interest will be
compounded at last, or that the trial will.
Our New York reporter is busy taking
down notes of the testimony, and his first
page presents the following appearance:
Mr.. Willard to Mr.. Bright, showing wit
ness a paper-"Who wrote that edi-
torial2'
"What editorial %
''That one my finger is on.''
(Which finger PSI.
''This finger"
s'This finger is on this editorial 20
ssYes.''
"What about it p
ssWho wrote it p
'sThe finger %
ssNO, the EDITORIAL
ssWhat editorial ?''
ssThis editorial in this paper, which I
hold up before you. which is headed, Co
lumbine and Harlequin" on which 1 now
place this thumb
ssYou want to know who wrote it?''
eyes"
s'Why ?''
"It's OF interest to this case"
HWhat case -
ssTalmage case.''
"What Talmage 20
do you know who wrote that edi-
torial ?" excitedly.
ssWhat editorial ?''
ssThe one I just showed you.''
ssThe one in that paper 20
eyes,
1.-THE one you put your finger on first,
and then put your thumb on it ?"
ssYes."
..You want to know who wrote it 20
eyes"
Witness reluctantly replies, II don't
know.' -DerrSck.
.sA kind word spoken to husband will
20 farther than broomstick.' says wo-
man of experience. All but my dear wo-
man. let us whisper in your ear something
that you ought to hear 7 ou want some
thing emphatic to go long way. Now a
kind word isn't emphatic. You walk in
where your husband Is busy and say in a
kind voice. s'deary'' and we'll bet you ten
cents he don't look up. But you crawl up
behind him cautiously and announce your
self by bringing a broomstick down over
his head, and he'll notice it at once. EN-
phasis is needed, my dear, emphasis !
Derrick.
A Georgia man had been absent from
home for two weeks. On his return he
first met his little eight. year old son. ''All
well, Williep'' Eyes, the very wellest
kind Nothing happened 20 Mot a
thing.-I've been good, Jennie's been good
and never saw ma behave so well in al
my life
In tavern, in small town, sat far
ner, who was plagued and bantered by a
dozen guests who we're present. "Well.'
said the farmer at last: "I'ye got the best
of all CT you.'' elbow so7" asked all.
s'In me you've only got one fool. while in
yeu I've got above dozen.''
siWhy. DOCTOR" said sick lady, ''you
give me the same medicine as you are Civ
ang my husband; how's that 20 GAIL
eight. ). replied the doctor, ''what's sauce
for the goose is sauce for the gander."
A baby with its toe in its mouth is the
cn3v person that makes both ends meet