Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1879-04-24
How to Manage a Hog.
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Prom The saltwater NM Lumbei man.
At midnight the summons came Maria
Ann thrust her elbows cleverly between
two OF my ribs. aud whispered In ghostly
accents;
Joshua, there Is hog In the garden"
have lived with Maria long enough to
know that she expects me TO catch her idea
Instantly. and although she had said moth
thSi-f w6uih fise M hs inSeft ~&lfg,,ed
the hog.
accordingly rose in my might and be-
gau cropping around for nv pantaloons. |
felt that without them could not appear
TO that advantage that would command the
respect OF the hog. had no idea we pos
sessed so much wearing apparel until be
gun to inventory 1t In the dark, while look
Ing for my pantaloons. got hold OF arti-
cles OF edglu2 and articles with nounce-
and with embroidery, aud with strings,
while Maria Kept whispering through the
gloom:
That hog will eat up all the potatoes
before you get down stairs. You are fear
folly slow
| suppose she whispered for fear the
hog would hear her aud become offended.
She never could bear TO give any offence,
not oven TO hog, except me. All this
time | was trying on things that did not
iit me, but finally | lit into some sort OF
garment that had Whist was intended for
row OF buttons on II, and huttoned IL up,
although there was tightness and cheer
fulness about it that did not seem entirely
familiar.
got half way down stairs when 1t sud
denly occurred TO me that the hog was not
in our garden, for the very good reason
that we had no garden for the hog to get
into; still, we had a clstern, and the hog
might get into that. IL would be Just like
hog. THIS thought so startled M, that
rolled down To the bottom OF the stairs, a
leat made easier from the fact tEat | seem
ed pretty well tangled up 10 the garment
had adopted.
Maria Ann, who always proves equal 10
any emergency, soothed me a good deal By
comm. TO the top OF the stairs, and calling
me All idiot. aud other pet titles, she is In
the way OF applying Ia moments OF tender
ness.
got out OF the front door as soon as
possible. and the hog. wac was looking at
the house from the front yard apparently
with a view OF renting ir, stood appalled,.
| did not wonder at this. In my haste in
dressing, | inadvertently put on Maria
AIMS polonaise, and IL stands to reason
that man arrayed in a white night ,hrt
aud blue poionaise, rushing from the
front door OF house at the solemn hour
Z OF midnight. must present an appalling ap-
pearaaee 10 any hog. After recovering
from his momentary astonishment, the hog
took three more kinks in his tail, and
scoOted three times around the yard The
front gate was wide open, but he never
thought of going through that. He seem
ed TO be looking for a good place to jump
over the fence. tangled myself up in the
polonaise again, and took flying leap In
to the yard, landing on my left eyebrow.
We do not give the women halt the cred
II they deserve. am convinced that il re-
quires more downright genius to pilot a
| polonaise, cut with darts in the back and
trimmed with knife pleating, than it does
to manage national presidential conven-
| ton. The hog ran around the house three
times more In the opposite direction with
| four kinks in his tail. | am slow to wrath
but am afraid | was beginning to get
mad, and when | went around behind the
/ house and got hatchet, am Obliged to
confess that it was with firm purpose to
kill that hog or die trying to.
| don't think the hog had noticed the
woodshed until | went there for the hatch
ct. out when returned to The front yard
| he immediately retired to the woodshed,
anu tueu hueW udu Dim OFnefeu.
Maria had by this time recovered her
presence OF mind. and had got her head
out Of front window up stairs, and was
| yelling Fire." with all her might and in
a way calculated to be of inestimable ser
vice to me. All needed to spur me on to
| glory Tas some one to yell ''Fire!" | en-
tered the woodshed cautiously and found
The hog completely at my mercy, unless he
made a hole through the kitchen door, and
escaped that way. He did not do that. On
the contrary. he rushed right at me.
stepped hack rather hastily, not because
he scared me any, but to prevent him from
tearing my polonaise. | am always care
ful TO keep hogs of my pOlOnaise, SO tai
as is possible. There was wash-iub full
Of suds behind ne, and as stepped bach
out Of the way OF the hog, in a tit OF ab
sent-mindedness, l sat down in the tub
may seem curious, but my recollection nov
is that the tub fitted me u good deal NOR,
snugly than the polosaise had, and yet
had never tried the tub on before in all IN,
born days. The only way out OF the tu
was to tip II over and float out on tn
suds, end that l ct once did.
' Maria, still true TO me In my affection