Litchfield enquirer., 1879-01-30
CLIPPINGS.

It is said that Priam was the inventor of the crowbar.
 Moorish women wear engagement rings in the nose.
 Recipe for making pantaloons last Make the coat and vest first.
 The Comstock Lode is one of the burdens we would all be delighted to bear
 Free drinks, free passes and free coun- try" would be proper motto for some legis' lures.
 "Pray, madame, why did you name your old hen 'Macduff:" Because, sir wanted her to lay on v"
 Why should not ducks be allowed on doc tors premises? Because they make such per sonal remarks.
 ..Shoud auld acquaintance be forgot and never brough. to mind 2" Not much, when on this classic spot, that tune the organs grind.
 Blow your own trumpet if anybody will listen, to you, but don't tempt Providence by blowing down lamp chimney when it is at a white heat.
 ''Them twins looks as much alike as pair of suspenders," remarked a friend to hus- band who had experienced surprise party few weeks since.
 It is very difficult to find fault with dear little Swear old who buries her head under the clothes and sings: ''Now l lay me down to sleep. Pop goes the weasel
 Mir. Heep said to a drunken fellow: ''If I were in your place 1 would go out to the woods and hang myself" The answer was: If yooz in my plaish you couldn't get there"
 The compositor who knew more than the writer and ruled out the phrase, ''The boy is father to the man," as nonsense, changing it into ''The man is father to the boy" is in search of new situstan Two bad little boys of Tarentum
 First borrowed some pins, and then bent 'em.
 When their pa took seat
 They both beat a retreat,
 As did likewise the fellow who lent 'em.
 ''Ah. see you are here again" ''Yes, sir. I'm here again; can you pay that bill today" Well really, you are d most persistent man. Ton have been dunning me with the relentless spirit of an Indian savage" That's me, sir, hats me I'm d regular Buffalo Bill col !ector. lam" ... Fr. v. ..F... s
 The average small boys ambition is to be a trapper. d pirate. or song and dance man. | When I wath little boy lsped very stupid society man to young lady, ''all my ideath ill life were thentered on being a clown" 1 Well, there is at least one case of gratifed ambition" was the sharp reply.
 Said Dr. Blanche, the famous French ex- pert in cases of insanity, to the jurors in case recently tried in Paris: ''In the prisoners | drunken moods he would grow sad and re- morseful and blame himself for maltreating his wife, as drunkards often do, gentlemen, as without doubt you yourselves know"
 It was very pretty figure. With one skate he drew a rough chart of the celestial phenon- ena. while with the other he executed quite au accurate copy of the Herald war-map. Then he attempted to draw four parallel lines in the air. but the wind was to strong and blew them | out. Then he sat down!
 sophomore on being asked for an excuse | for his absence from chapel CD Sunday, said he was out walking and was so far from college | when the church helis rang that ne could not reach the chapel in season, and SO attended the village church. "Who preached there?' ask | ed the professor. II don't know" said the student, ''some stranger" "Indeed!" was the reverend gentleman's response. '1 am sur- prised that you die not recognize me-"
 A little girl in Hartford, Conn.,, was sent to a store the other day to buy some lace. The l clerk after putting up the package, said Well, there is one and half yards of lace ,at ten cents yard. How much does it dome to?" To which the miss pertiy replied ''Well, I'm not going to tell; I have to study arithmetic all the rest of the week, and Pm not going to bother my head with it. Satur- l days" g. ~ >E&
 kespgf Hfyf Sf Es hossgd sgd Sd mak asked 5af fG fGe | surprised, and answered: Card? No; I don't carry pack "'Where are you from ?" was the reply. What do you do down in North Carolina when you go a-visting Don't you send in card to the man you want to see ?" The ''rar-heel' laughed outright ''Lor' nassy " he exclaimed. ''Why, we ride up to a feller's fence and holler to him to tie his dog, and then we light up and go in"
 A badly frightened stranger, whose dress be- | traved u t fact that he hadn't much ready cash, called at the central police station and com plained that two men had been following him around for several hours with view of rob herv. Well, you'd better leave your money here until you get ready to leave town sug- gested the captain. But haven't got any not dollar" was the reply. ''Then how can they rob your" "That's so-never thought of that!" chuckled the man. &
 Myops is an ''artist' of the North Conway" school, trammelled by no conventions. Jones happened up to his studio the other day, and 1 looking over his shoulder at Sunbeam on
 lie White Mountains" cried, Your sky is amazing. I like it. sstrollingi over to Dabble, an artist next door. Jones backbites thus : You should see Myops's sky; it's just like putty" Of course this comes back to Myops, who meets Jones and says: "What do you mean by admiring my sky, and going off and
 ceiling Dabble it looks like putty?" Why like putty" was the calm r,ply. ~"
 4 tourist, while passing through Stratford- on Avon, saw rustic sitting on a fence That's Shakespeare's house. isn't it?" he asked, pointing to the building. 'Yes !" Ever been there ?' ''No." 'How long has he been dead ?" Don't know" Many peo- pie come here?" 'Yes lots" "Been to the house ?' ''No; never been to the house" :" What did he do ?" Don't know Brought up here ?" '.Yes." "Did he write?" ''Oh, ! ,,o, ko ,rr,t SsWhat uaS if VOlf@ fN0St