The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-01-04
NUMBER II.
PASSING SMILES
The best illustrated paper out--A

IdE pesb iiuStIatcu paper Oub-A
bank note.
ACCORDING to New York paper
"lager beer doesn't intoxtcate. 1t is
the quantity that some men carry that
weighs them down."
Coal dealers prefer Newfoundland
dogs to any other breed. They weigh
more, and they sit quietly on the cart
while the load is on the scales.
THE plain aud wholesome things of life
are its greatest blessings. We are taught
80 pray, not for Injuries or dainti -, but
for daily bread.
Jusr as the State is merging rom an
| unparalleled season of BUSINESS d. preston
New London man threatens to publish
poem six hundred pages in LENGTH
Ddnbwy NetcS.
DAVID SHEPHERD promised to marry
Bridgeport widow, who was much his
senior, on condition that she would re-
lease him from debt of $3.50 for board !;
but he refused, after getting receipted
bill, and she has sued him for breach of
promise.
PARTISAN beggars have become 80 au-
dacious since the Exhibition that one of
the fraternity the other day, on receiv-
ing from benevolent stranger a bad
half franc by mistake, threatened to
hand the donor over to the police IL the
coin was not Immediately changed.
A MAN in Lexington, Va, mailed
letter to fictitious name In Japan, with
n request that it be returned if not called
for, and started Thy way Of the Atlantic.
His object was to see how long it would
be in going around the world. 1t came
back by the way of San Francisco in just
one hundred days.
ABNER HOLMES disappeared from
Milton, Mass, and his friends feared
that he had been murdered for the
money that he was known to have car
RED The woods and streams in the
vicinity were searched for his body. II
turns out that he eloped with house,
keeper who had worked for him during
his wife's illness.
A RADICAL, heated by copious liba-
tions, was merrily singing the Mar
seillaise." What makes you say OPP
progrium p" asks friend. You
ought to say 'opprobrium.' | know
its opprobrium in the book, but prefer
opprogrium." But what does oppro-
grium mean % "Damfno, but it ex-
presses my thought more clearly"
A GENTLEMAN in New Orleans was
agreeably surprised to find a plump
turkey served up for his dinner, and in
qured OIL servanthow it was obtained.
Why, sir,n replied Sambo, dat
turkey has been roosting on our fence
tree nights SO dis morning | seize
| him for de rent OBJ de fence"
A CITIZEN from one of the South Sea
| islands, where there is n mud volcano,
where the people navigate the streets In
boats, arrived in Rockland last week.
The Journey from the depot to the hotel
reminded him 50 strongly of home that
he was affected to tears. 1t was the first
time he had seen mud two feet in depth
since he left his native isle.--Rocktand
Courier.
1T is not true that Bertha Won Hillern
has paralysis Of the -. Now before
we complete the word let us reflect. 1t
we 90 on and say EGGS" some awfully
particular folks will stop their subscrip-
| tions aud If we say limbs" the other
crowd will accuse us of mock modesty.
Guess we won't finish the sentence.
Anyhow, she hasn't got paralysis
Boston Traveller.
FALL-oPENINa TRAGEDY.
Before brilliant window full
| A wretched father stood,
And gazed at silks and lace and tune
| In fierce desparing mood,
And beat his breast aud muttered - 1901,
And shook his fists quite rude
For there. within that gorgeous store,
He saw his daughters three
Before a counter bending DER,
With heaped-up hneree,
Keeping the clerks perhaps score
Az busy az could he,
That father smiled iendish grin,
Then turned and fed away;
Back home again he neer has BEEN
| Those bills he didn't pay:
| And his three daughters now take In
Plain sewing by the day.
"MR. BURDETTE is man of thirty
FIVE years, about five feet five inches in
height, with q small, delicate and we'll
proportioned frame. A well-browned
and good-looking face, upon which
grows a small mustache that shows evil
dence of careful training, and out OF
which look pair Of honest brown eyes
that constantly twinkle with merriment,
is fanked upon either side with pair
of generous sized ears, and surmounted
by a broad and intelligent forehead and
| CLOSELY CIOppcu HCHi ~ s."An DAV"' -
hair" Fuller's pen-portrait OF the
Hawkeye humoriss.
OLD John Walsh was banker and
also money-lender. He was accounted
a greedy, close-fsted old chap, yet he
possessed sort of grim, rigid humor
which, in some cases, was really funny.
One day dashing, reckless young man
of the period called upon him. ~ Mr..
WALSH" said he. Yes sir" " want
to borrow five hundred" For how
longr' Six months" What secuT-
ity can you give me?' The young fell
low drew himself proudly up. my
own personal security, sir," he replied,
with a flourish. Old John turned and
opened stout iron chest by his side.
"Get in here, sir" said he. The young
blade looked first at the chest and then
at Walsh. "What for?' asked he.
!" Because here is where / always keep all
of nv personal securities"
/ The Death Of Lake.
John Muir, in Scribner for January,
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