The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1879-01-16
Mf cad Humor.

Calculation How shall my hat be
trimmed?
A mules hind leg has only one season.
It is always a beautiful spring.
What would be great invention: "A
bushel peach basket that would hold
four pecks.
| What was the most honest bet that
/ ever was made? The alphabet. Its
maker was evidently a man Of letters, too.
A fortune hunter went courting the
/ daughter Of a rich Whiskey distiIleT, and
| he sang: 81 see her still in nv dreams"
A little stealing is a dangerous part,
but stealing largely is a noble art; tits
mean to rob a henrOOst of a hen, but
| stealing thousands makes US gentlemen.
"BilP' said one apprentice to another,
/ ''my boss is a better man to work for
| than yOur'n. My boss amt always round
his shop, interfering with his Own
/ business"
"Vat a monster language" said a
| Frenchman; there I read in ze news
! papere zat q man commit a murder, was
/ committed for trial and zen committed
/ himself to a reportair. No wonder everv-
zing in America is done by committee"
The man who has never seen two
women in Shaker bOnnets trying to kiss
each other has never experienced the
/ rejuvenating power Of a laugh that
| could throw him down and kick him in
the ribs.
School mistress Gust beginning q nice
improving lesson upon minerals to the
juniors s)-"NOW, what are the principal
things we get out of the earth ?' Youth
full angler aged four, (confdently)-I
Worms"
a dear old lady presented her son, on
his departure for sea, with Bible. On
opening it during gale it fell from his
hands, and out dropped a fne-tooth
comb and the admOnitOry bookmark,
Search daily"
"Whar was de sun dis mornin'?"
asks the Rev. Mr.. Jasper. "Why, dat !
side O. my house. Whar is it now? |
Why dis side Oh my house. Darfur de |
sun must ha' got roun' it, an it couldn't |
do dat standing still. Wherefur, de sru
move, sah."
Once upon an evening dismal, gave |
her kiss, parOxysmal, and called her |
name baptismal; precious name I loved |
Of yOre. All, she was a darling creature,
BGkb VI GBGClAA anu 4cL4A III 4CdEuLEg DQb
egad, you couldn't teach her, for she had
been there before, and only murmured,
Buss me more.
"Shall help you to alight ?" asked a
city exquisite Of a muscular country
girl, who WasabOut to get out Of a wagon
that had just come up to the porch Of a
rural tavern. She jumped from the
wagon and Indignantly exclaimed:
what do you mean by asking me if I
want a light? You don't think I smoke,
do you"
A clergyman was once forced to say to
a congregation that persisted in deposit
ing buttons in the contribution box:
Brethren who wish to contribute
buttons" said this fnanCier, "Will please
not hammer down the eyes, for while
that process does not increase their value
in coin, it does impair their usefulness
as buttons"
Yankees are universally allowed to be /
uneXcelled in asking questions; but |
unite Irish loquacity with Yankee inter |
rOgation, and the cup is full. A girl of |
Irish descent, but reared in Vermont, /
was rebuked by rhe lady with WhOnh /
she was living for her interminable 1
to ask questions: "You beat |
the Jews at asking questions" When. |
true to her nature, the girl rejoined:
do the Jews ask many qUestiOns%