The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-08-21


IF you think education JIG on the de.
cline, go out and peruse the circus bill.
--Owego Record.
IF your foot is asleep, do not be
alarmed; the poet tells us'the sole is not
dead that slumbers.
A WHITE man who had married
negress black as the ace of spades, Of
fered color blindness az an excuse.
NOTHING will make bald headed
man 20 mad as fly that doesn't know
when he has had. enough..-7&. Louis
IInses-Journol. Wits lEaEs9gfss
saLEARN your boys trade" is the
heading of an article in an exchange.
That editor should get some one to
teach " him trade. =: VII. .Visscher.o
A MAN gets mad when he has rum
block after a car and is about to jump
Oh, to have q gale of wind blow his
Mackinaw upon a milliner's awning
N Y. Star. '''
THE world owes us all a living, but
the only way we can collect the debt is
to pull off our coats fands tai e it out of
the worlds hide.AW WkstehaU Times.
WILLIAM AUGUSTUS to sleepy room
mate: " Come, John Henry, why don't
you get up. swithg the llark, as sisdo9'a
John Henry grimly: 50 Been9up, with
him all night. t.1g=vno9 sssm htaa nss
WHAT are you trying to read 9's
asked visitor of an old gentleman who
who was nodding over Intervening jour
nal. "Oh!" replied his swife,- g that's
his snooze paper" TEr eaaY AsT
| 1AoouNTRY lass in farmers cart did ride,
sing hey the gallant farmer that you are:
He hoisted her in at the wagon wheels side,
| d Sing hey the merry maiden and the tar g
| g = Ibrouo lGraphfc.
| GREEN corn will soon be plenty and
then somebody will be saying: It's
gnawty but its nice" When you ear
It tell them you take no stalk in such
silk corn duct.-Marathon Independent.
-" MAMMA, is the ridicule very bad to
haver' e" What do you mean,
George p !" Why, mamma, Rosy Green
says Dora Dow was exposed to it three
weeks ago. and it's high time it broke
outl''--Bangor Commercial. --.e8 ~ ..
A CORRESPONDENT at Long Branch
suggests dances in the water-quadrilles
waltzes, etc.-upon the European plan.
Bad man. Water revelry that would
be by night. We feel shocked. Dance
of death on, the clam shell. - ffsfE
HENRY was sitting in the parlor with
Laura, and in attempting to turn the
gas down dim, he .extinguished it.
!: f:There!"~ he exclaimed, the gas has
gone out."': !" Yes" murmured Laura,
"and wish somebody. would follow its
example. - Then Henry went out, too.
JUST came in to ask a scent a5l5 E5 s7.
8 From you dear Mrs. Rhyme"
r.=" Why, Certainly; 70 re Welcome, friend
"Good joke--ha hal-you do not see ed
| On what am intent.n tt.tl &5-aal-t'A -
And plucking here a fragrant rose--
/ This Is the sentiment" - Ea -
2 ssAs -Yonkers Statesman
| A MASSACHUSETTS woman was 80
Jealous of her husbands first wife that
| when he died she refused to allow him
to be buried beside her. Shesremarked
to the undertaken at the funeral: es1"
amt a-goin' to have thatswondan lean-
in on Jim's arm at the resurrection day
1 if can help il, you bet. "--St. Louis
1Tmes-. journal.
i Now the swell in style azrsyed y
) But But vi willis meath the fervo of the sunbeam's
And % do his collars and his jacket and hi. pants
AND when it is 50 hot, q: ss.5a3Is isffff -
WSsTs 1e epa can aeeene without coat or vest
And e ad DO our sisters and our cousin. and our
| aunts. s-rrrsz sfsEN -Hdrriet B. iStope. &
"WHERE do all the flies come from ?'
ENORMOUSLY demanded old MIR. unny-
bags, waving his hands frantically over
his tormented head. /" That isn't the
question" replied his equally torlnented
partner7 "when are they going back
again, that's what want to know."-
Burlington Haa0keye. -
The foolish man takes his wife to q
church sociable and spends five dollars
for ice cream and cake. The wise man
allows his wife to serve on the Refresh
ment Committee, and when. the even
ing comes he goes to that church socia-
BILE with a market basket. If his wife
has improved her opportunities, he
comes away ahead of the game Hunt
ington Democrat. .'- "
Il In her +" Recollections of Theophrastus
Such,"', George Eliot claims that q
certain Norman discovers that Grampus
is all wrong about the Magicodumbras
and the Zuzumotzes. Yes; well, she's
. altogether too fly L. Well Justbetgeorg a
dear or Anyotherwoman two to one the
, Grampus is Observation-Disclosures
hemightbe.- -DoTiok. MS salz el i3es-
ss.zaazssA LASS, THE POOR TYPO. oil. fz5.
!. sgse- He was printer, mindl
And when he home ard showed,
- Remarked he couldn't fnd-- 3, .s-- q
.-, Not md the galley loved.
H. III J Says he--"N No 6odkin come from that,
, I'll slick till she's my bride - Aia
But when another pressed her form,
Her fsaltty he 90 pied ,ss ca -.tS'
!, ssas But later on. he did eepy, 'H 'ssa'
asT justified =: By ~ anoin .Gu,d ,,,s,v
: hssz If he f1ed up to join =
, The Indianapolis Journal is pretty
: old paper, but this is.a late time for il
to begin such business as this: The
Cincinnati Commercial says: "Wher
folks are killed by an overdose of opiate'
isn't it laudun'um to the skies? X
e the which Journal replies: We have
D never encountered a morphine-lish
pun ad 53z3s OKLA hiav= 1 .Tci
RI -lsllassg A soCK-DOLAGER.
An old sock hung upon the line,
0 A sock with many a hole. M rt,t
60 And in reflection sought to draw n g.
, Some comfort for its sole. = E. 5AtiI lst
ct take NO ssocksn' all the yarns saai
!, -, hear the parson spin 4 ,.-- -se.
For hoiey matters worry me
!, -. Much more than mortal sin.
5 " Heel tell us all toe walk upright
3 And act our duty we'll;
. But do sock have Joot-ure statef " tssa#
4 SD se I'm ddrned If he can tell" -
-Ciacinnati Sdr-
: "BoB, did you ever stop to think,
!, said grocer recently, as he measured
: out half peck of potatoes, "that these
potatoes contain sugar, water anC
starch2 2' "No, 1 don't,awreplied tn,
boy, "but i heard mother, say you pu
peas and beans in your coffee, ana
! ! about pint Of water in every quart O