Daily globe., 1879-05-18
HumOr of the Day.

why was mother OF one OF the old
Peruvian rules like piece of rubber2
She was an inca-raiser-Boston TRAM
script.
Waiter to member of the Ohio Legis-
lature-will you have some desserts
Member to waiter-No, thank you; I'll
take piece of pie.
The proprietor of bone factory an
nounces that the persons leaving their
bones with him can have them ground at
short notice-Neao Orleans Picayune
Very kind gent-Do you know, nv
dear, that we have to-day the shortest day
in the year? Lady-Very true! But
your presence makes me forget it.
The rooster that is to hatch out dozen
eggs in Chapel street window evidently
doesn't know his place, but he is very
persistent.-Nes0 Haoen Register.
A downtown man says he has the best
auction ear in his family. It belongs
to his wife, and it hears of every auction
in the city, much to the lightness of his
purse.-New Hauen Register.
"You see,' said Col. Flipem, II didn't
marry the girl because she turned out a
deceiver.'' "Yes,n said bystander, s'and
the deceiver she turned out was Col.
Flipem.''
An apothecary, in decorating for Wash
ington's birthday, placed jar of GALA
mus root in the show windows, labeled,
"sweet flag of my country" but no one
saw the point.
"Has the cooking book any picturesg"
asked young lady of a bookseller ssNot
one,'' replied the dealer in books. ssWhy,"
exclaimed the witty miss, ''what is the
use OF telling us how to make a dinner if
you give us no plates?"
'sWhat, asked Professor Miles Of the
smart boy in the history class, s'what did
the pilgrim Fathers first do after landing
at Plymouth Rock" clicked a hackman,
replied the smart bad boy, who went to-
Niagara with his parents last vacation.
| The venerable wife of a celebrated
physician one day casting her eyes out OF
the window, observed her husband in the
funeral procession Of one Of his patients,
at which she exclaimed: 81 do wish nv
husband would keep away from such
professions. It appears so much like q
tailor carrying home his own work.
One of the Paris papers publishes the
following: "There are Gascons (boasters)
in America as everywhere else. One of
them recently said: ''In the state of Ohio
the cold is SO intense in the winter that
this happened to me: l was attacked by
robber. [ took out my pistol. There
was powder, in it but no ball. l was
seized with a lucky idea. I spat in the
barrel and fired. The spittle froze on
its way, and the malefactor was shot
dead.'
Bill Arp says in the Atlanta Constitsl-
tom: Blessings on the children and the
children's children! How 1 do love to
have 'em round and see 'em frolic, and
ever and anon hear one squall with cut
finger or stumped toe, or the bark
knocked off his hide somewhere Whata
pity they have to grow up and see trouble
and be sent to the Legislature or Con-
gress, and there get little behind in
morals and in money! But sufficient un-
to the day is theevil thereof"
| At the Queens Theater Dublin, in
those halcyon days when the Trinity
College boys used to occupy the gallery
en- masse, an Italian opera company once
occupied the stage. The orchestra was
very bad, the violins especially doing vi
olence to the score. Some obnoxious party
started row among the gods, and the
usual cry OF "Thow him over?" was re-
verberated through the house, when sne of
the b'hoys roared, 'sHold on boys! Don't
waste him, kill fiddler wild himr
Rare Peoplc.-People who have never
attempted "Baby Mine. ne."-People who
expect correct time from ssGrandfather's
, Clock. Old bachelors who dote on
babies, and young ladies who do not
People who expect to wade rivers with
| gum shoes and not wet their feet.-
r Photographers who don't have their auto
| graph pasted on each picture Street
e car conductors who never forget to
sspunch'' when the collect fare-A lady
i who can smile sweetly when Z by foot
is planted on her trail.-Members of
r Congress who can return to their constit-
t uents with a clear conscience Men
( with eye glasses who don't elevate their
8 nose at an angle of forty-fiv when they
speak to you.
When young Hyson, who is a commits
D sion merchant and an importer. came
| home to dinner one evening last week,
he found Mrs. Hyson just parting with a
|, caller and describing some "lovely''
r Chinese lanterns she had bought a,
e Veneer's on Washington street. Hyson's
!, face grew dark as the narrative proceeded
e and when the door closed upon the visitor
;, he turned to Mrs. H. with lowering brow,
+ and asked: sWhat have you been fooling
r money away on at Vaneer's?' "Don't be
S such bear, Harry SAID Mrs. H., 81 only
h bought dozen Of those lovely lanterns,
O nice for ornaments and pretty to use in the
It country next summer, and they were only
e 81 each; did you ever see any like them
I, before?' "see EN- groaned Hyson, G.
g it; they sent me 700 Of 'em in the Man
d DARN, and have only sold one lot, and
IS that was 100 to Veneer for SIS" Tears and
!, tableau.