Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-10-05
Wit and HumOr.

H.
The fastest city in the world-Electricity.
Does a standing joke eyer require a
seat2
The sickle that cuts down the green
things -Icicle.
Eighty.one Chicago tailors have recent
~ formed base ball nine.
You can tell young man raising a
moustache as fuzz you can see.
Some one suggests that England should
establish Znluogical garden.
''Hive something sweet to tell thee.
love-" said the honey-bee to his mate.
The fellow made bad bull when be
went to steal squash and got gourd.
We never heard of man so mean that
a fly wouldn't become attached to him.
The man who finds pocket-book with
cash IN 1t doesn't look at paper for three
weeks.
An Albany genius calls new suspen-
der which has been patented "The Con-
science suspender.' 1t owes its name to
its extreme elasticity.
The voice of the young man who cot
away with three hundred and ninety-six
clans at clambake is heard in the land.
and it calls tor the doctor.
The climax of absent -mindedness. To
suppose that you have left your watch
at home, and pull it out of your pocket
to see ifyou have time to 20 back and
get it. -.
"The mills of the gods grind SLOWLY"
This IS all because the hands are paid by
the day. Will the gods ever learn that it
Is to their interest to let out work by
contract?
1t man undertakes to travel on the
line between truth and dishonesty, says
Josh Billings, he is snre to stumble and
we all kno on which side ov the line he
will fall.
An editor being asked, "Do hogs pay?n
says great many do not. They take
the paper several years, and then have
the postmaster send it back marked ire
fused.
I'm pursuing my theme, I should like
to cover more ground-" "Buy shoes
big enough for your feet, and you'll do
1t" was the impudent suggestion from
the crowd.
II have nothing but my heart to give
YOU" said spinster to a lawyer who
had concluded suit for her. "Well, ="
said the lawyer, gruff1y, 60 to my clerk
he takes the fees,
mo SIR said the gentleman from
Pittsburgh, II was not in the war, but
my brother was and he was wounded.
All! indeed. Seriously wounded?" Eyes,
sir, he was shot III the horse.
''lf you want pug dog, madame,
what is pug?" said dog-fancier to a
Would-be purchaser, E'this here ones the
dog; why, his nose is just turnin'
somersets 'atween his ears all the time.
At Bullong: Paterfamilias (who will
do the Parleyvooing himself instead of
leaving it to his daughter): "Oh-er-i'ai
bezwang doom boutail de- de-de here Girls,
what's the French for Eau de Cologne?''
Julius, WY didn't you oblong your
stay at the springs?" SKase, Mr.. Snow,
dey charge too much" "How So, julius p
why, de landlord charged dis colored
Individual wild stealing de spoons
The following is sign on barber
shop in Mansfield, O.: "Tonsorial Arts.
Physiognominical Hair Dresser, Facial
Operator, Uranium manipulation and Cip-
ilary abriuger. Sheaves and Hair Cut
with ambidextrous facility
Priest: You drunken sot The very
beasts of the field give you a lesson.
They leave off when they have quenched
their thirst. Paddy: Yes, yer rivrence.
But where did the basles ;ver come across
a strame o. whiskey.
Customer: "What did you think of the
bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby?"
Hairdresser: "Nell, really, sir, there
was gent a sittin' in front of me as 'ad
his air parted that crooked that could
not ear ord"
There is village in New Hampshire
which has produced IS editors. It was
in allusion to this circumstance that a
pious deacon remarked: eyes, there
are 90 of 'em, but as they've all left the
town, l reckon the Lord won't Law it up
agln u.s."
II m a ruta- baga, and here's where I
plant myself said a tramp as he entered
a farmhouse near Freeport, ILL.,, and seat
ed himself at the table, eve alle1s bile
ours,'' said the farmers wife,. and soused
him with dishpanful of boiling water.
At party on Nelson street the other
evening the conversation appeared to be
dying out, when bilious man suddenly
observed to lady on his right: II don't
think they make pills as large as they
used to-" After that the conversation
went out again.
A suitable and smart reply: Young
Vicar tacetiously: ''Well, John, how
smart you are this morning; who gave
you the new clothes2" John Qaughing):
"Ees, sir, the same as gave you yourn-
the parish, sir" Vicar retires somewhat
discomtited
A father said to an old acquaintance
who came to condole with him on the un-
manageableness of his two sons, who had
committed a burglary in the next town,
and both had been sentenced to prison:
cit is pretty rough on me to have them
go to onct, but there is one thing to it
when it comes night now you know
where them boys be-" .....
When, some years ago, an eminent Aus
tralian was inspecting in that country a
lunatic asylum, miserabiy defective In
construction and appointment. he asked
what was the special feature in the luna
cy of certain patient. Gle thinks be
is in hell, Sir" was the rejoinder. .sIf
that was all his delusion," was the reply,
II think he has very substantial basis
for it,"
"What news to-day?" said one of our
city merchants to his friend. s:What
news, responded the other; "nothing,
only things are growing better. Our
people are getting on their legs again.
tsOn their legs again. ssOn their leps. y