The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-11-06
HUMOROUS.

Or COURSE lie KNEw.-At tho cas-
end Of the City Hall Market recently, &
BOY suddenly seized a barrel stave ant
began pounding a dog which was
tied TO wagon wheel. Tho animals
yelps and yells at once attracted tn {
attention of a man who called ont:
Hold on there! What's that dog
doncp'
''Snatched a big piece Of bologny
outer my hand and swallowed t!S
replied the boy us he gave the dog
another whack.
"Sce here" continued the man as he
came nearer, "don't you know that
that dog feels those blows ?"
Don't | of course l know it! dc
you think I'm doing all this hard work
and raisin' all this row just for tho
sake of workin' the rheumatic outer
my elbOws?''
"BAN!ds. PA man in his shirt sleeves
was sitting before the door Of Il rook-
cry on Atwatcr strceG the other eve
nihg when an acquaintance came
along and asked:
"stll, was that your wife met on
the C0rner?"
out"
"I see She bangs her halr," continued
the other.
eyes, she does, durn hcr!" growIcd
Bill; but I'vc got the ADVANTAGE over m
her though. While she can only bang
her hair lean bang her whole body"
MISS Colino goes for the first time to
view the sea at Dieppc. At her de-
parturc tor home her sister recon-
mends her to carry back some seawatcr
IN bottle. She goes down to the
shore and fills her vial with water.
"Bottcr not I'LL it up like that, missy, -
said sailor, "bekase, it'bcing low wa
ter now, when the tide rises it'll burst
your bottle" Miss Colino, quite con =
yinced, pours out half the water ard
departs,
a small boy was hocing corn in n
sterile field by tho roadside, when a
passer by stopped and said, "Pears to
me your corn IS rather small?" Ger
tainly, sir" said the boy, lit is dwarf
corn" But it looks yellow" "Ccr-
tainly." replied .hc bov, "we planted
the yellow kind" "But it looks as If
you Wouldn't get moro than half Il
CROP "Of course not," said the boy .,
I'VE planted her OH the shares"
AT recent wedding the bridegroom,
being an officer, wore his sidcarms at
the nuptials. a little wldeawake
brother Of the bride was attracted by
the display of weapons, and as he had
another sister, whose true love is car
pcnter, he boldly inquired: "May,
when JenklLs comes to marry Milly.
VIII he wear his saw by his side"
AN indianapolis barber, who aban-
doncd his business and went lrto
the ministry, was suddenly called up
on one Sunday to baptize three candi-
yates. lie got along very well, but
after baptiZing the first, he ast0nished
liS congregation by Justify, shouting
"MeXt!"
lT Is said that Boston man broke of
his marriage with a young lady be-
cause she spelt hugging with one "g."
lhe provocation va, great, to be sure,
put as long rs she practiccd huggiDg
with two arms, wc-that Is, some young
men-would not care if she spelled the
word without any g's ut all.
~ Lutte boy, whose sisters stroll in
the woods for the bright-hued leaves
~ NoeViiili tltllC, SAW Iucm coming
home the other day with rcd-whis-
kcrcd gentleman, whom he greeted
with the remark; My! you got Au-
tumn-Ieave whiskors, ain'C you?'
IAN anxious inquirer" is informed
that the founder OF the Aryan race was
not hung. lie was not Il hungarian.
10 another we reply that Leanuer,
when he went to see Hero, did not
swim the Po, and therefore he Is not
Poleauder.
"BLEss me, Emily, you don't look as
we'll as usual-indeed, do not think
ever saw you looking as old as you look
today. "My dear, 1 never was as
old as l am to-day"
"WoMANisa a delusion, madam" ex-
claimed crusty old bachelor to witty
young lady. "And man is always
hugging some dclusiOn or other" was
the quick retort.
I'll oW dare you swear before me ?"
asked q man of his son recently. "Iow
uld know you wanted to cuss first?"
said the spoiled urchir.
THIEvINa in the Picking
ladies pockets.
The country is the place for rabbit
transit now.