The Osceola times., 1879-05-03
NUMBER 3.
FACTS AND FANCIES.
A SPRING MADRf0AL.

SPRING MADRIGAL.
Bird voices trembe on the breex-,
The groves are ali s.hum
The butiercnps peep thro' the grass,
The spring, the spring has come
o lady iairi oiady fairi
Put on your sweS tsEt fills.
And you, young man, with ss6fon jaws,
Get out Jour box OF pills.
SPRING is always beautiful 10 the poet
who wears green spectacles.
The actress with the biggest feet al.
ways wants to play Cinderella.
The time is near at hand when every-
one can have peas 10 the family.
CLUES are good for men who make
home happy by staying away irem it.
THE tiamp isn't rich, but he can af.
ford 10 spend his summer In the country.
The flute player stops when he loses
bis teeth. The fiddler goes on forever.
NEVER say to man running across
lots in the immediate lead Of wild bull,
BE not swift to take a fence !'
THAT cruel.hearted Steubsnton says
his wiie's easter bonnet isn't nearly a.
big as the roll OF bills that bought 1t.
Ir a man will tell me what he thinks
Sv his nabors, kan tell him what his
nsbors think ov him. Josh Billings.
The amount of piu money required
by the married woman depends on wheth.
er she uses diamond pins or rolling pins.
You can always tell when the hero
and heroine in play are man and vile.
They iniuse no warmth or feeling In the
stage kiss.
SITTING Butts medicine man 10
about to issue little pamphlet on the
" Treatment of the Scalp."-[ Burling-
ton Hswkeye.
SHORT, isolated sentences was the
mode in which ancient wisdom delighted
to convey its precepts for the regulation
OF human conduct.
A MAN WAS Boosting that lie had an
elevator in his house. $50 he has,"
chimed in his wife; A" and he keeps 1t In
the cupboard in bottle" n.t
VEAL this is life. Make this fore,
noon sublime, this afternoon . psalm,
this night q prayer, and time Is con.
quered and thy crown is won.
IT was a wise man who said, He ID
passing rich who can number friends
enough for a jury-who can lose two or
three and lot be bankrupt"
THERE are tome things that are -
well kept dark. 1t isn't policy to throw
light upon such subjects as an open
barrel OF gunpowder, for instance.
HYPERcRlTIusM. Grace (whisps ring)
-" What lovely boots your partners
got, Mary p Mary (ditts)-" Yes, uns
fortunately he shines'at the wrong end"
"He lives above his income,"
Was the dark reprosch he bore,
TIL AZ lat 1t was remembered
hat he lived above his stsre.
CHILDREN y singing breathes Of Para.
disc; clear liquid tones that 6ow from
lips and innocent hearts, like the sweet>
OF flute, or the falling Of water from
fountain.
EDITH -" Now, grandpa, don't the
Bible saw our hairs are all numbered I"
Bald.hesded Grandpa" Yes, child,
yes p' Edith" Well, grandpa, 1t didn't
trouble them much to count yours,
did ii %
COMMERCIAL travellers are a good
illustration OF the development theory.
This springs styles have about an inch
and half more cheek than usual, and
about = ton aud three. quarters more
baggage.
The child probably destined to be
the greatest of American naturalists 10
already born. He lives In this city, and
is the suthor OF the remark that A
isckass Is the only animal that winks
with his ears" ~.
SOME men advertise their lives and
the public are generally d.sappoiuted
b, cause the advertisement promises too
much others let their lives advertise
them, and tl,s public always gets more
than is promised.
OF course no woman ever did such .
thirg z, but ptosiDg now, for the sake OF
Argument, as II were, that woman was
to 20 TO church for the purpose OF show
ing of her new sscque, would 1t be fac-
religious, 50 to sp akH
A BAsBFUL young man applied 70
bis village paper for information on the
important subject, "How TO win q wo-
mans love" The reply was, Kis the
babies, caress the cat, and pay strict At
tention to the old lady"
THERE Is no use Of trying TO get .
person to relish cod.liver oil by telling
him that you took 1t yourself f)r sew
eral years and grew 70 like 1t better
than quail on toast. 1t only wraps his
stomach up more and more like scrub.
bing board.
PERHAPS the funniest object 10 the
mau who spends his first day in news
paper Office. He tries to appear as II be
had been in newspaper office oil his
life but somehow he doesn't ssem to feel
easy. There seems to ba too many
bones in his shgd.
On recent trip OF n western steam
boat bread was served out at dinner
one day which tasted strongly Of coal
oil. The captain asked the baker II he
did not know that kerosene had got into
the -four He admitted that he did.
why didn't yon feed the -four TO the
chickens, then ?' was asked. "Oh," he
replied, J." was afraid it would kill en-"