The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-01-17
How q Baby and D Man had y Circus.

| Mrs. Oxtoby went shopping yesterday,
and left her baby with Mrs. Archibald to be
taken care of, and it was sitting on the floor
very happy, with playthings galore when
| Harry came in. All I. u
Hello ole gal made raise, have 700 {?
Phweet Phweet Say, young fellow, how's
your colc? The baby made no respons, OF
an intelligent character, and Henry sat down
| and stared at it, "'.
Babies is!queer things, now, amt they
Just see that young imbecile tryin' to chew
the pstato-masher. Now he's takiu taste
Of the stove litter. That's fine old mus
tache you've made across your mug, nov
ain,t itr Gosh hello here, old woman
quick. The young un's swallowed half q
yard of the poker .;.sa...
Henry rescued the poker, and in doing so
upset the baby and its temper. The back oi
its head was bumped aud it howled, and
Henry got thirty.six love pat alongside
the ear,and the baby was upended again and
the kinks taken out of its temper with o
poultice of bread aud moIasses, SO quick that
the old man thought he had got into hum
ming top factory. Then Henry let the baby
alone and looked at theold woman picking
chickens. The baby wanted some Of the
feathers, and he reached it handful, hall
of which it Immediately spread on the bread
and molasses, and the rest it stuck around
its mouth and smiled thro g6 the adornment
like cock eyed parrot with the deleriun
tremens, but it looked dreadful happy. Then
it put some feather, 10 its mouth, and rub
bed the bread and .moiasses over its bald
head, cooed like a two weeks old wife, an b
| next it turned purple all oyer and squirmed
till its face looked like an old gum boot
that had been eating green persmmons
4 don't believe this young one likes fes
theirs along with its grub, said Henry re-
aectively, aud Mrs. A. turned round on him
like volcano that was sick at the stomach
20! you WRETCH and he wasn't. sure
whether she hit him on the ear or OF, top Of
the head first, it was done so quick. Then
she grabbed up the incpient o xtoby and ran
her finger down its throat as though it were
a stocking and she wanted to turn it in,id.
out. .-...s. ., ..4..........-. .-...a 4
There she exclaimed, held up three iea
thers and waved them menacingly before hel
bosom's lord, see what you've done f. !
half. nothing at all I'd taken ram, then
down your fool throat, Here,se if you car
hold this child minute WITHOUT killing if
till get u towel and she pumped tn.
young one one on his knee and went W
stairs.
Baby cooed aud kicked, and got hold o
Henry's finger, which it inspected with grea
care, and then put it In its mouth. TheI
Henry ripped out = signal of distress tina
scared the baby stiff as telegraph pole.
Out hollerin' at that child that way
shodted Mrs. A. from up stairs. DO yol
want to scare it to death p b.
Scare thunder Ii's me that's a scarein.
'Spose want my fingers taken off for liv
er puddin' and eaten bya cannibal baby 2
Then he added to the child: Here ole
fellow, I'll give you something 10 chew OF
Pussy, pussy, pussy and he lifted the ca
on his lap, the young one grabbed its tai
inserted in its mouth and shut down on i
TIE cat swore and spit and sank about twer
| ty claws at once into Henry's leg. a..
-'Ouch Bloody murder Take hil
off = and as the agoniEed man leaped to h
feet he shot baby into the coal scuttle an
kicked the cat over the stove into the bucl
wheat cake batter He had just opene
his mouth for a wholesale swear, when t
got glimpse of Mrs. A. descending upc
him like day of wrath, so he shot out
the front door, forgetting that the landlol
had taken away the steps away to pal
them, and got through falling when he jan
his bald head against the board fence on Il
other side Of the street, in q way that ma,
his skull flop up and down iikc loose hs
sole in the mud.
When neighbor came along and set hi
up against a-fence, his right hand fumbl
around his head In dazed kind Of wa
5 aud smiled vacautly up iuto his friend
/. face Il Eastoa Free Pres.