The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1879-03-18
NUMBER 1859
MISCELLANY.


"Top-side' is the celestial name Civ
en- to the elevated railroads in New
York,
A "yeto" is nothing but vote"
turned inside out Philadelphia Bull
letin.
when a man begins to go down hill
all creation seems creased for the oc-
easion. Josh Billings.
A clergyman in Washington Terri
tory advertised that he would preach
on Looking at the Moon Over Your
Left Shoulder"
Fol many gem Of rarest razor een
The dark unfathomed caves tonsorial bear;
Fnll many an artists born 10 brush unseen.
And dull his scissors on the desert hair.
Polecats have multiplied marvellous
ly in Kentucky in the past few years.
One dealer in Lexington has purchas-
ed $4,000 Of their pelts.
"On his head" said the lecturer,
"there is nothing left to be desired. -
The baldheaded man in the front row
Immediately rose to call TO order
Boston Transcript.
Disappointments come to us early in
life. One of the first we experience is
when, in school days, the teachers rod
comes down upon the palm OF the
hand which we hold out unfinchingly,
because we have generously resined it.
Ouch!-[ Puck.
An Alabama darkey, for a wager, re-
Gently exposed his head to the furious
assaults of trained goat. His conf
dence was rewarded by his winning the
money, for after half an hours vigor-
Gus butting the goat drew of, utterly
discouraged.
The 1000 San Francisco Baptists who
are said to have stood up to record
their earnest protest against the Veto
ing OF the Chinese bill are those who
are under the spiritual guidance Of
Brother /. S. Kalloch, of curious men,
ory.
IL there be a moment when the most
dogmatic old bachelor is fain to admit
that there is something pure, holy, and
much to be desired in the connubial
state, it is when he essays TO trim the
finger-nails of his right hand with q
pen-knife. and cuts one 70 the quick
Puck.
Truth crushed to earth will rise
again. Strange coincidence. It's inst
the same with a corn. After it has been
crushed to earth il generally rises high
enough for a man to hold il with both
hands while he waltzes around on the
other foot Oil City Derrick.
"The able but bilious editor of the
Chicago Inter-Ocean," is the opening
sentence OF feyerish editorial in the
Atlanta Constitution. An able and
bilious editor is just the thing in these
hard times. He is just the very man
to write for the blue Masses Toledo
Commercial.
Zulu men are not permitted TO mar
ry until they are 40 years Of age. The
result is that the wives find them ter
-ibly set in their ways. They smoke
in bed, refuse to light the fire, and
have 10 more PERCEPTION of the re-
quirements of a ull-grown baby than q
mule has of the shorter catechism.-
New York Commercial Ad ycrtl er.
Col. Ingersoll is now blazing ont
with a new corrective lecture on Some
Mistakes Of job" He no doubt refers
to the mistakes of some Job Printer
whose proof reader ought to be hung
with Major Andre.
Sitting Bull recently told his tribe
that he was a coward, would do as the
Great Father wishes, and will fight no
more forever. But it will be remem-
bered that il was only when the Devil
was sick that he wanted to be a monk.
The Hon. Patriot, Jefferson Davis, is
going to publish his autobiography, for
fear coming generations will not do him
justice. AS the present generation
failed so ignobly in that respect, JEFF.
really has great reason to mistrust the
coming ones.