Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1879-08-13

If you are ambitious to move in the high
est circles Join the next expedition to the
Arctic circles.
A New YORK paper calls him the Fiery
Henry Watterson." Why not call him Henry
Firewatterson.-Ch Chicago Journal.
DIssIPATED tramp" You'll know me
ag'in, guv'ner" British workman (who had
certainly looked at him) "Not if you
washes yourself, shan't."
"No, darling" said the undertaken to his
wife, :" can't afford TO give you silk dress
at present. Just wait few weeks until
green apples are in market"
any German friend, how long have you
been married p /" Veil, dis is ting / sell
dom don't like to talk apout, but when |
does, it seems 50 long as it never vas"
"A PUBLISHER offered 81, 900 for story
that would make his hair stand on end
Many tried for the money but nobody got
it, because the publisher was totally bald.
THERE is probably nothing in this trans.
itory world that will yield larger and quicker
returns on the amount invested than pok-
ing wasp with your finger to see if he
feels we'll.
LANDLADY," said he, Z" the coffee is not
settled" "No," she replied, but it comes
as near it as your last months board bill
does;" and that man never spoke again dur
ing the meal.
AN old bachelor being ILL., his sister pre-.
sented him a cup of medicine. "What is
it p he asked. =" 1t is elixir asthmatic it is
very aromatic, and will make you feel &C.
static" "Nancy," he replied with smile,
"you are very sister-matic."
SHAVE you any object of interest in this
vicinity ?" the tourist asked the Burlington
man. I" have" eagerly replied the other,
" but can't get at it to show it to you. It's
a ninety days note and it's down in the bank
now, drawing interest like horse race or a
mustard plaster"
AN Englishman was boasting to Yankee
that they had book in the British museum
which was once owned by Cicero. "Oh,
that amt nothin'," retorted the Yankee, " in
the museum at Boston they've got the lead
| pencil that Noah used to check off the ami
mails as they went into the ark"
The following testimonial of certain
patent medicine speaks for itself "Dear
sir: Two months ago my wife could
scarcely speak. She has taken two bottles
of your Life Renewer,' and now she can't
speak at all. Please send me two more
bottles. | wouldn't be without it."
A FRIEND of ours overheard two some
what muddled Irishmen speaking of the
"Virgin the other night. One said, rather
contemptuously "Mike me by, me mothers
as good woman as the Howly Virgin was"
Shure, that may be, too, Pat; but arrah,
there's mighty sight az difference 'tVirt the
sons ]"
A MAN coming out of Texas newspaper
office with one eye gouged out his nose
spread all over his face, and one of his ears
chewed off, replied to a policeman who in
teryiewed him, I" didu't like an article that
| 'peared in the paper last week, an | went
in ter see the man who writ it, an he war
there !"
In town in Missouri lady teacher was
exercising class in mental arithmetic. She
commenced the question, " Ii you buy cow
for Sl0"- when up came little hand.
"What is it, Johnny" why, you can't
buy no kind of a COW for $40. Father sold
one for 800 the other day, and she was a
regular old scrub at that"
THERE are many people in every audience
who do not understand some not unusual
words. A preacher who, il. addressing a
country congregation, spoke OF "drawing
an Inference" was surprised next day 10
hear one of his auditors remark, IL don't
just know what an inference is, but il any
horse in the parish can draw it, 'tis our
Blackbird. -Congregdiionalisi.
"THIs, dear children, is the shoe of
Chinese lady see how little it is what a
very narrow sole it has" "Ill bet 1t amt
as narrow as Deacon IS. Father says
his soul will fall through a crack in the floor
some day and get lost" was the shrill com
ment OF boy given to sharp listening. The
superintendent put the Chinese shoe in his
pocket, and requested the school to sing
Pull for the Shore"
EsrRASGED 1t was warm afternoon,
and young Mr.. Cummagen did not go in the
house, but sat down in the pleasant porch,
Us was his custom, after ringing the bell.
Her little sister came TO the door and locked
at him with some curiosity. "Does your
sister Mabel know am here, Nellie 7" he
asked. 30 yes,' replied the innocent pratt
tier, :" guess she does she told me to come
out and see how shady it made the front
yard when you put your feet up on the
porch railing"