Litchfield enquirer., 1879-01-02

The early dog drinks all the milk from the pail on the front stOop.
 The best seats at the theatre of war are gen. orally on the front tier
 There is more active fun in an ounce of kit ten than in ton of elephant. A mans character is like fence-you can not strengthen it by whitewash. A jockey calls his horse Kerosene and Pe- | troleum, because they are paratfine steeds.
 Anybody can catch cold now. The trouble is to let go again, like the man who canght the bear.
 Mrs. Graffer of Massachusetts, is the mother of twins. Pair O Graffers do you hear?
 Eggs are forty cents per dozen, and thus the wear and tear of the hen is adequately recom- pensed.
 Encke's comet is a little behind time This is supposed to be on account of it's tail, which | is also behind.
 Beecher hopes that horses go to Heaven. | The whole question hangs on whether the mule l can be called horse. We have seen portrait of the ameer of Afghanistan. He parts his hair on the | sothe rmal line. This is enough; let the war | proceed.
 Coal dealers prefer Newfoundland dogs to | any other breed They weigh more, and they | sit quietly on the cart while the load is on the scales
 The country postmaster is not paid much 1 but then he has a chance to read all postal cards, and to borrow the newspapers of the man who lives three miles away. Solomon was one of the best paragraphers of his day, but if paragrapher's pay was no better at that time than now. he never could | have supported seven hundred wives from his l salary
 A Vermonter has invented bottle that will always turn right side up. Now let him invent something that will enable the man upho carrice it tiu the same tning and he will l soon be rich
 When the boys draw up their first of Jan uary resolutions they should include the fol- lowing: hereby agree not to sing, hum or whistle My Grandfather's Clock or "Nancy
 Lee" for the term of one year.
 The difference 'twixt tweedledum and twee- dledee is illustrated by the fact that the rich man with great appetite is called an epicure, and the tramp with great appetite is called glutton.
 The time approaches when the thoughtful husband gives his wife some money, which goes to buy dressing gown that all the worlds riches couldn't hire him to wear in the presence of his mae friends.
 And old gentleman of 84 and his bride, aged S2, entered a railway car the ether day and took seat hy the stove. A youth occupying the seat behind says he overheard the follow l ing: Old gentleman to his bride--''Who's a little lamb !'' Bride-"Bofe of us"
 A woman in Illinois recently perforated the anatomy of her son-in-law with three bullets | This IS encouraging. It is time these much l abused personages were asserting their rights 1 nut three bullets in a son-in-law is a waste of
 lead. Two are sufficient if put where they will do the most goad. Economy" is the | watchword of the times.
 A Milford man, stupefed by drink and the cold was found near the Fair Haven rolling mill the other night, and taken in and resusci- | tated amid the lurid glare of the molten iron and the din of the machinery. As he slowly came to and was asked where he belonged, he looked about him in a frightened manner and replied: Well, when was on earth, lived in Milford"
 An eight hour man, on going home for his supper, found his wife sitting in her best clothes on the doorstep reading volume of travels. "How is this?' he exclaimed; ''where
 is my supper?" "I don't know" replied the
 wife. Il began to get your breakfast at 6
 o'clock this morning, and my eight hours end
 ed at 2p. m.
 Pedestrianism is all the rage Men are run
 ming for office, running on banks and running
 into deht Only yesterday well-known Uti-
 Ca banker called our attention to a note that
 had run ninety days. The note didn't look tatigued in the least, but you should have seen
 the expression on our-that is, on the face of
 the man who made it. Judge Hilton to the Hebrews-'Ge Gentlemen.
 the whole trouble is that Joseph Seligman doesn't know how to take joke He flies in to a passion for just nothing at all. Come |, now let not the rest of us be foolish You will observe have in my hand several checks.
 Let us be merry, dear friends, let us be merry. And besides, have some of the cheapest and best goods in my store you ever saw or heard g of