davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
WIT AND HUMOR,

The Boy WHO BACKED.-A short time
ago lady living on Duflield streer was
Summoned to the door to see a boy abont
twelve years of age, who had chean
hat-rack to sell. When shelappeared.
he said
MADAME, my father Is dead. and
won't you please buy this hat-rack for
twenty-five cents"
She was sorry that his father was
dead, but she didn't want the hat-rack
The next day the same boy aud the
same hat-rack returned, and the boy
said:
Madame, won't you please buy this
hat-rack, for my mother is dead, too"
She was so sorry that his mother was
also dead, that she gave him slice of
bread and butter, but she didn't want
TO invest in Il hat-rack. Two days later
the boy called again, having the same
Identical rack under his arm, and he
looked the lady straight in the eyes and
said:
MADAME, won't you please buy this
hat-rack. for my sister is also dead"
my goodness is it possible that you
have lost father, mother and sister in
one week." exclaimed the lady.
Yes, num-"
"And what allied them? ?" she asked.
81 dunno, mum, but | kinder feel 1t
in my bones that unless 1 sell this 'ere
hat-rack afore Saturday night death
will use up all the rest of our family
and be going for other folks"
"If buy this hat-rack will you tell
me the truth? ?"
Eyes, num-"
She handed him quarter, and
asked:
Ibid your father, mother or sister die
this week."
The boy looked at her, hesitated, and
then laid the quarter on the railing,
picked up his hat-rack, and said, as he
went down the steps
81 only git five cents commish for
selling these racks, and ] cant afford to
kill off three of the family and resnr-
rect 'em again for any such tigger.
Goodbye, mum; it's a square back
down on me-"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
Afraid Of His Wife,

Bishop Beadon, uncle of the late Canon
BeadOn. was completely governed in all
things by his wife, who was one of the
mOst devoted whist players ever known.
After her husband death she lived i'm Nav.
faIr. and was famous for her Sunday card
parties A story still remembered in
SOmerstshire Of the answer the Bishop re-
oeived when he once took one of his clergy
10 desk for diver1ing himself at Bath instead
of living at his vicarage. 'Mr. A, il
strikes me that, if you are well enough to
sit up half the night playing whist at the
rOoHss YOU must be well enough to do duty
al your living. my lord, Mrs Beadon
would tell you that late whist acts as a to-
me on restorative TO 6yspeptic people with
week nerves The mention of his wife's
name at once silenced the prel4te
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
The ForpetfuIness of PeopIa.

The Oxford Professor who, to avoid
the wind when taking snuff, turned
around. but forgot to turn back, and
walked six miles into the country, was
no more forgetful than those who still
use the huge, drastic, cathartic pills,
forgetting that DR.. Pierce's Pleasant
Purgative Pellets, which are sugar
coated, and little larger than mustard
seeds, are positive and reliable cathar-
tic, readily correcting all allirregularities
of the stomach, liver and bowels. Sold
by druggists
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

A PAIR of scissors was lost, and the
little one suggested that prayer be
said, asking that they might be found.
There was, however, lurking con-
sciousness that there ought TO be a com
binatIon of prayer and work, so the
youthful philosopher said: "Now,
mother, Pm tired; so III pray while
YOU hunt
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

No GOOD PREACHING.-NO man can
do a good job of work. preach a good
sermon, try law suit we'll. doctor a
patient, or write a good article when
he feels miserable and dull, with slug
gish brain and unsteady nerves, and
none should make the attempt in such
O condition when it can be SO easily
and cheaply removed by little Hop
Bitters. See other column.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

WHEN you see a young man attlred In
white flannel shirt, his face slightly
burned with exposure, and hear him
talk knowingly of lib forests" and
running under the wlnd," and "slack,
ing the main Sheet" it doesn't follow
that he is much of yachtsman. The
chances are that he would be seasick Oh
u drawbridge.'
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

ANY one desiring recipe how to
make soap for cent pound, will re-
ceive it gratis, by addressing |. L. Cra-
gin & Co., Philadelphia, the manufac-
turers of the justly celebrated Dobbins'
Electric Soap
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
DR. RADWAY'S
Regula ting Pills,

Perfectly tasteless, elegantly coated with sweet
gum, purge, regulate, purity, cleanse and
disorders OF the stomach, Liver, Bowels, Kid
neys, Bladder, Nervous Diseases, Headache
Constipation, Cost1veness, Indigestion, Dyspep
STA, BliousneSS, Fever, Inflammation OF the
Bowels, Piles, and all arrangements Of the In
terna vtscera- Warranted TO effect n positive
cure. Purely Vegetable, containing no mer-
curry, mineral or deleter1ous drugs.
H- Observe the following symptoms, result
Ing from disorders OF the Digestive Organs:
Constipation, Inward Piles, Fullness Of the
Blood In the Head, Acld1ty OF the Stomach,
Nausea, Heartburn, Disgust OF Food, FullneSa
or Weight In the stomach, Sour Eructions, Sink
ings or Flutterings IN the Pit OF the Stomach,
Swimming OF the Head, Hurried and Dif11cult
Breathing, Fluttering at the Heart, Choking on
Sufficating Sensations when In lying posture
Dots or Webs before the Sight, Fever and Dun
Pain In Head, Deficiency OF PerSpration, Yel-
lowness OF Skin and Eyes, Pain In the Side
Limbs and sudden Flushes OF HeaA Burning IN
the FLESH
A few doses of RADWAY's PILLS win frea
the system from nil OF the above named digord-
OrS- Price 96 cents per box. solo by DruggiStS
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

WILLIAM THOMPSON, of Douglas
county, Mo-, has had five wives, and
has just married the sixth. 1t is. how
ever. due to the unfortunate man to
state that he has been totally blind for
many years.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

''IT is among the nineties," casually
remarked gentleman the other day F.,
wiping his brow. 1t so happened that
venerable spinster was passing at
the time. "You insulting thing" she
exclaimed; "it's no such thing" And
up to this writing he doesn't know
what she meant
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

AsIATIC CHOLERA, Cholera Morbns, Summer
Complaint, Collie, Sour stomach Diarrh9a, and
all Affections OF the Bowels, incident to either
children or adults, are cured at once by Dr.
ia 'ne'S Carminative Balsam. IL allays the irri
tatlon and calTnS the action OF the stomach and
being pleasant to the taste, is an acceptable
remedy To the youngest or the family.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

THE weather is very bad in Europe.
The following is from the Partisan /:
"George!" "Alfred!" "Why, when
did we meet last?" "Let me think ;
ah, yes, remember. 1t was one fine
day." What! was iG SO long ago as
that?"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

LARGE sales indicate the merits of all
good articles. Druggists sell more of
DIR. Bulls Syrup than of all other
remedies for the cure of Baby Disor-
dars
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
AKARE CHANCE FOR AGENTS.
THE COMPLETE HOME

By Mrs, JULIA BIcNAIR WRIGHT.
The theme 10 one upon which the author bringe
to bear he fruits of years of research,
and travel both In this country and the old world
The ullpaged coored plates, illustrating ANCIENT
aRd Modern Homes are marvels OF elegance and
good taste No work treating this subject in detail,
has heretofore been offered, and hence Agents will
have cer A Id. Competent critics pronounce 1t
tha great book of the year.
ushers J. @. McCURDY CO.,
10 .. SEVENTH St., Philadelphia, Pa.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

SoLoMoN's wisdom was never more
apparent than when he warned pa
rents not to lose sight of the rod. Mis-
placed switches have wrought great
evil to the race i'm these latter days.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

THE voice of the young man who got
away with three hundred and ninety
six clans at clambake Is heard in The
land and it calls for the doctor.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

DIMINUTIvE EOleomargarinecup sounds
more high-toned and pedantic than
Little Buttercup."
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

Ldrce of gnats, mosquitoes, midges,
ETC., instead of being sanitary agents,
intensity the putrefaction of organic
refuse suspended in water.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

"No, SIR" said the gentleman from
Pittsburgh 81 was not in the war, but
my brother was, and he was wounded" "
"Ah! indeed. seriously wounded ?"
eyes, sir he was shot in the horse"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

There is no truth in the assertion
that anthracite coal loses its heating
qualities when exposed to the air for a
length of time.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

HieskeTs Tener Ointment VIII cure ever
form of letter.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

LINCOLN CAKE.-One and one-half
pounds of sugar, one pound of butter,
one and three-fourths pounds of flour,
two pounds of fruit, one pint Of sweet
milk, one tablespoonful of soda, one
egg; bake twenty minutes.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

For PIMPLEs on the FAce, use HleskelFS T'et-
er Ointment 1t never fails to remove them.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

THE man who don't know anything
will tell 1t at the first opportunity.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

How to draw tooth without pain
draw it on paper with pencil.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

NICE BREAKFAST DIsH.-Cold mashed
potatoes, made into little balls and
slightly tiattened; dip them into an egg
slightly, so as TO mix the yolk and
white; roll them in cracker crumbs
Fry them in hot lard or butter. Send
to the table hot.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

CRULLERs.-One coffee cup Of sugar,
six large tablespoOnfuls of melted but
ter, one pint of sweet milk, two eggs,
a little nutmeg, one teaSpoonful OF soda,
one teaspoonful of salt; mix in the flour
until the dough is soft and can be easily
handled; roll, cut out the cakes and fry
in lard.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

A NEW HAY PREss.-A new hay press
is patented which presses the hay into
cylindrical bales. The merits of the
press are chiefly that the hay is not
bruised or broken by the pressure as in
the old way, and the bales can be more
easily handled. The process is describ-
ed thus:
The hay, thrown on platform, is
delivered continuously in small guam
titles up TO circular plate, and passes
through two narrow slits, into which it
is uniformly fed by two revolving ones
which impart to it a corkscrew motion.
The hay is, in fact, roughly spun into a
double thread screw of very fine pitch,
and forced onward with gentle pressure
until sufficient quantity has been col
lected to form cylindrical bale of the
weight desired. A pressure of about
6 cwt. TO the cubic yard is then applied,
giving the density which is found most
desirable; pressure of cwt. to the
square yard may, however, be given if
required. The bale is then bound by
wires, crossing one another in a longi-
tudinal direction.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

YORKSHIRE PUDDING.-A quarter of
a pound of flour, with quart of water
or milk; three eggs, well beaten, to be
mixed with it; pepper and salt; butter
the pan; put it under the beef so as to
catch the gravy; have it in good big
pan, so as to be thin. Cut In pieces
when served with the beef, and arrange
around the dish.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

IF Your Liver lis Disordered HOOfdnTs Der
man BiutrS viii set it Alright
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

Observation-Disclosures, pair
powder, and so forth.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

a FEW potatoes sliced, and boiling
water poured over them, make an ex-
cellent preparation for cleansing and
stiffening old rusty black silks. Green
tea is also excellent for this purpose.
1t should be boiled in iron, nearly a
cupful to three quarts. The silk should
not be wrung, and should be ironed
damn,
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

IF You are Dyspeptic HooHands German
BiUe7-S will cure YOU
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

IF TROUBLED with Constipation. take RooC
Gnds German Bitters
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

If YOU have been drinking too much 9,
which however you should never do, n
dose of DR.. Bull Baltimore Pills will
place you in good condition again.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

BE WISE AND HAPPY.-If you will
stop all your extravagant and wrong
notions in doctoring yourself and fam
lies with expensive doctors or humbug
cure-alls, that do harm always, and use
only natures simple remedies for all
your ailments--y0u will be wise, well
and happy, and save great expense,
The greatest remedy for this, the great,
wise and good will tell you, is Hop
Bitters-rely on it. See another col
umn.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
THE HOUSEHOLD.

MUTTON PIE.-Take cold boiled NUT
ton; slice it thin; have crust made of
one cup of beef suet, one-half cup OF
butter, one cup of cold water; mix this
with prepared hour, as stiff as for sea
biscuit; take two-thirds of the crust
and line four-Quart earthen pie dish ;
then fll the dish two-thlrds full with
the meat; have quarter of a pound of
butter cut in small pieces, one tea
spoonful of fine sugar, one of salt and
a half teaspoonful of pepper, one cup
of water; cover the pie with the re-
mainder of the crust and bake In a
moderate oven tor about one hour.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

CoCoANUT CAKE.-Four cups of flour,
two cups of sugar, one cup of milk, five
eggs, one cup of butter, one teaspOonful
of soda, two of cream of tartar; half of
a grated cocOanut put in the cake, the
other half put with the whites of three
eggs and one-half cup of sugar, and put
between the layers of cake. Bake in
jelly pans.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

HAVE all the good bits OF vegetables
and meats collected after dinner and
minced before they are set away, that
they may be in readiness to make a lit
tie savory mince meat for supper or
breakfast
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

CoRNs in horse are different from
those on the skin of human being
They ale first produced by blows OF
bruises which start Inflammation and
formation of matter under the sole; OIL
cause deposit of horny matter which
presses painfully upon the sensitive in
ner parts of the foot. They are fre.
quent in fiat-footed horses, the frogs OF
whose feet have been pared away so as
TO bring the sole TO the ground and sub.
iect it TO continued bruises from stones
The usual mode of shoeing is one that
protects the tender spots of the sole
from blows in travelling. This is to put
shoe of sole leather under the iron
shoe and stuff under the leather with
tow soaked i'll glycerine 10 keep the sole
cool and moist. If the sole is very ten
der, the feet should be prepared fol-
shOeing by keeping them upon pud.
die of wet clay for few days, and by
frequent dressings of cold water and by
giving the horse a cooling medicine, aS
eight to twelve ounces OF EPSON salts
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

Send q letter stamp to RADwAY Co. NO
n warren Street, New York.
Information worth thousands win DO sent yOH
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

H~w TO spend a holiday: First, get
Your holiday
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

STUFFED ToMAToEs.-Get them as
large and firm as possible; cut II round
place in the top of each, and scrape out
all the soft parts mix with stale bread
crumbs, corn, onions, parsley, butter,
pepper and salt; chop very fine, and
fill the tomatoes carefully; bake In a
moderately hot oven puts little butter
in the pan, and see that they do not
burn or become dry.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

If You Would Enjoy Good Health Take
HoofLandS German Bitters.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

PICKLED VEAL.-Take piece of cold
veal that has been thoroughly boiled,
chop it fine, sprinkle salt, pepper and
little cloves over it; pour over it
enough vinegar to wet the meat thor
oughly; then set it over the fire until
well heated through, when you can put
it in 8 mould; as soon as 1t Is cold it
can be sliced for the table.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

A GOOD LAwN.-No greater fallacy
exists than the idea that spading is but
ter than plowing of an equal depth
No tilth can be better than that given
by the plow, followed by frequent and
continual applications of the harrow
Leveling with the spade can then be
and the finishing touch can be given by
light cross-plowing and narrowing
Seed should be always literally applied !;
and, instead of the various lawn-grass
mixtures, we believe in the use of sim
pie red-tOp seed, together with a very
little white clover; and when it is thus
applied during quiet hours of the day
that it may fall evenly, two or three
years should suffice to grow thick, vel
vety turf.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
FARM AND GARDEN.

RECIPES FOR THE ESTABLE.-Paregoric
say OF. put into half-pint good whis-
kew il excellent for collie. Spirits of
turpentine, OF tar, 1 OF. whale oil,
or, makes good hoof-bound wash.
Mix and apply TO the hoofs often.
When soaking horses feet, put q pack
age Of common baking soda in water
fairly hot; be very careful TO dry the
feet thoroughly. Pain-killer, said to be
Perry Davis Alcohol. l quart; gum
guaicaci, l or gum myrrh, one-half
or; gum camphor, one-half ounce ;
cayenne pepper, one-half OF. For
magnetic ointment take lard, raisins cut
i'm pieces, and fine cut tobacco, equal
weights of each. Simmer well togeth-
er, then strain and press from the dregs.
White lead and linseed oil mixed as for
paint, is almost unrivalled for saddle or
harness gals and bruises. Ii forms an
air-tight coating, Apply with small
brush. a practical farmer tells how TO
keep the bowels of horse loose in win
ter as follows: "At each feeding give
him about quart of the middlings or
shorts of wheat. as well as what grain
and hay he will eat. This has been
used for five years, and has never failed
where there are horses: White lead
for bruises or breaks in skin, saddle
gals, etc. Bathing whisky with about
! OF. of turpentIne, J OF. hartShorn and
a little camphor, for spraIns, stiffness,
etc. Leaf lard for cuts. Coal oil ap-
piled 10 light strain is also good.
RAISING HORSES. - 1t Is often said
that it does not pay for farmers to raise
this or that breed of horses, but this Is
true only in limited sense. The best
specimens of any strain or style OF hor-
SeS sell rapidly, at good prices, and the
poor ones of all breeds are drugs upon
the market. Ii is no doubt true that Il
much greater measure OF success may
be expected with some breeds than
others, the choice depending largely
upon the circumstances of the farmer,
his location, ETC., and that, rs general
rule, ordinary farmers cannot compete
with wealthy professional breeders in
producing horses for racing purposes,
either runners or trotters: but even in
these classes much will depend upon
the location and the sort of brood mares
the farmer may have upon his farm.
Ii he is situated in a region famous for
producing turf horses, one that is fire.
quented by buyers of such horses, where
he can have access to tirst-class stations
and his brood mares are of strains of
blood noted for producing winners, he
will certainly find il most profitable to
breed for horses of this class. Where
these conditions do not exist, he will
usually find the surest profit in breed
ing heavy draft or stylish carriage hOr-
SeS.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

VARIOUS WEIGHTS AND MEASURES
A ton of round timber is forty feet; of
square timber "a cubic feet. A COM
mercial bale Of cotton is 200 pounds.
A pack of wool is 240 pounds. A sec
ton of government land is 640 acres.
A liquid ton is 252 gallons. A box Is
by l619 inches and inches deep con-
tains bushel.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

For every hundred heads of cabbage
| take quarter of a pound of black
pepper and put in box large enough
to sitt out well. Go into the patch be-
fore the dew is off and pepper the cab
bage well. Two or three times will be
sufficient. The worms go through the
leaves and die.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11

AN ample bedding of fresh straw will
do much TO induce tired horse to lie
down and rest. Clean grooming and
an occasional washing will also encour-
age restiulness and improve the appe-
tite and health. Overlooking is not ju-
dicious, and will not restore flesh lost
by hard work and want of comfortable
rest. To prevent gals, the harness
should be washed and kept soft with
castor oil.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
FEVER and AGUE.

In not o remedial agent In the world that viii
cure Fever and Ague. and all other Malarious
Bilious Scarlet, Typhoid, Yellow and other
RAILWAYS READY RELIEF. 90 Gt& bottle.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-09-11
when the Bowels are Disordered.

No time should be lost in resorting to q suita-
bic remedy. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is
the most reliable and widely esteemed medi-
cine OF its class. 1t removes the causes of
constipation, or Of undue relaxation of th ,
intestines, which are usually Indigestion or
mlsdirection OF the bile. When it acts as
cathartic, 1t does not glipe and violently evac-
uate, but produces gradual and natural effects,
very unlike those of a drastic purgative; aud
Its power OF assisting digestion nullifies those
irritating conditions of the mucous mnmbrane
OF the stomach and intestinal canal which pro-
Guce hrst diarrhGa, and eventually dysentery,
Inc medicine is, moreover, an agreeable one.
and eminenty pure and wholesome. Appe-
ute and tranquil nightly slumber are both
promoted Dy it.