davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
WIT AND HUMOK.

SOUND logic-Arguing through Tao
telephone.
SOME compilations are exceedingly
complex.
DOES the maternal Goldfish call lis
young with Goldfish bawl?
FRANKLIN said that rich widows arc
the only secondhand goods that sell at
prime cost.
IT amt 50 much what man kan
Lift, as what he kan hang on to, that
shows his aktual strength Josh Bill
i1ags.
TIE reason we can not have an HON
est horse race is because We haven't an
honest human race.-BOst0D Trau-
eller.
A CHICAGO policeman arrested a boy
who had an onion tied in the corner
of his handkerchief. The charge
against him was carrying concealed
weepins.
A MAN dying recently in St. Louis
left $1,000 to an individual who,
| years before, ran away with his vile.
He said in the will that he never forgot
| q favor.
SHAKESPEARE never repeated. There
| was gifted little boy in Kentucky last
week who resembled the immortal bard
in this important particular. He
thoughtlessly twisted mules tail.
YOUNG wife-"Oh, my dear, there is
most lovely set-pin, earrings and
sleeve. buttons. Do go buy them
Mr.. Tightstring -"Yes, dear. NEAL TO
90 by them as quick as possible.
That was an observing fellow, if lie
was but years old, who SAID,
"Papa, I wish you'd quarantine again It
Tom Jones coming here every might
to see Jennie. It's got TO be too ep''
! demic."
ARHYME OF THE TIME.
Miss Pallas Eudora Won Blurky
she didn't know chicken from turkey:
High Spanish and Greek she could huently speak.
| But her knowledge of poultry was murhy.
She could tell the great-uncle of Moses.
and The dat, of the Wars of the Roses,
| And the reasons Of things why the Indians wore
| rings
In their red, aboriginal noses!
Why Shakespeare was wrong in his grammar,
| nd the meaning of Emerson's 1Brallma."
| And she went chipping rocks with a little black box
And a small geological hammer.
She had views upon co-education
! And the principal needs of the nation,
And her glasses were blue and the number she
| knew
| OF tho sta,s in each high constellation.
| And she wrote in hand writing clerky,
And she TALKED with an emphasis ieiky,
And she painted tiles in the Ner; es' "t sA r.;
| But she didn't know chicken from t,lr ~
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
The Songs OF Scotland.

There is very general impression,
especially in England, that Burns Gre
ated Scottish song, and that all that is
valuable in it is his work. Instead of
saying that Burns created Scottish
song, it would be more true to say Scot.
fish song created Burns, and that in
him it eliminated. He was born OF a
happy hour for national songster, with
great background of song centuries
old behind him, and breathing from HE
childhood very atmosphere of melody.
From the earliest times the Scotch have
been song-loving people, meaning by
song both the tunes, or airs, and words.
This is not the side which the Scotch
man turns to the world, when be goes
abroad into it to push his fortune. We
all know the character that passes cur
rent as that of the typical Scot-sandy-
haired, hard-featured, clannish to his
countrymen, shrewd, cautious, SELF
seeking, self-reiant, persevering, un-
sympathetic to strangers, difficult to
drive bargain with, impossible to cir
cumvent. The last thing stranger
would credit him with would be the
love of song. Yet when that hard, cal
culating trader has retired from the
change or the market-place to his own
Preside, perhaps the things he loves
best, almost as much as his dividends,
will be those simple national melodies
he has known from his childhood. Till
very recent time the whole air of Scot
land, among the country people, was re-
dolent of song. You heard the milk
maid singing some old chant, as she
MIXED the COWS in field or byre; the
housewife went about her work, or span
at her wheel, with a lit upon her lips. In
the Highland glen you might hear some
solitary reaper singing like her whom
Wordsworth has immortalized; in the
lowland harvest field, now one, now
another, of the reapers taking up an old
world melody, and then the whole band
breaking out into some well-known
chorus. The plowman, too, in winter,
as he turned over the lea burrows, be-
guiled the time by humming or whist
ling a tune; even the weaver, as he
clashed his shuttle between the threads,
mellowed the harsh sound with song.
In former days song was the great
amusement of the peasantry, as they of
a winter night met for hamlet-gather-
ing by each others fresides. This was the
usage in Scotland for centuries, and am
not sure that the radical newspaper
which has superseded it is an improve
ment.-Atla7atic.
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
XXXVI CONGRESS.

SENATE, Dec. Ex-senator Gordon in
troduced q resolution in favor Of an inter-
oceanic canal in Nicaragua. Referred. Senator
Burnside spoke on the proposed Darien canal,
advocating adherence to the "Monroe Doc
trtne," opposing the interference Of foreign
Resolution in reference 70 transportation
privileges at the port Of Chicago. Referred.
Senator Davis of West Virginia, introduced q
resolution calling for treasury statistics, and
Senator Eaton, to protect life and property on
railroads. After an executive session the Sem
ate adjourned.
House, Dec. 2.-Mr. Ellis introduced a
resolution in reference to the Nicaragua inter.
ocean canal. Referred. Mr.. Price offered res.
olution declaring resumption success, and
deprecating any legislation to disturb tide
claring it should be let alone Referred. Mr..
Ryan introduced q bill in reference to Kansas
school lands. Referred. Mr.. Young introduced
q resolution in reference to fees of officers of
the u. 8. district courts. Referred. Mr.. White
introduced o joint resolution in favor of con.
'stitutional amendment prohibiting the intro
duction Of extrananeous legislation in ap-
preparation bills, and giving the executive
others. Referred. Mr.. Fort introduced reso-
luton in opposition to reopening the currency
question. Referred. Sundry bills were intro
duced, and the House adjourned. -.
SENATE, Dec. 8. Henry P. Baldwin,
successor of the late Senator Chandler OF
Michigan, was sworn into office Senator
Beck introduced a bill to authorize the pay
ment of customs duties9in legal tender notes.
Referred. Senator Bayard introduced joint
for our United States dues, except duties GU
exports. Referred. Senator Ingalls, introduced
resolution that the present value of U. s.
notes ought not to be reduced, and ought to
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
Military MYTHS.

The growth of military myths is
curious yetfamiiar phenomenon. Men
who are sober and dispassionatc enough
in other things, who in the general
business of life, or when dealing with
matters of science or events of ordinary
history, take nothing for granted with
out sufficient evidence. surrender all
critical faculties rs soon as an incident
of war comes on the scene. The
French, so calm and precise when treat
ing on scientific subjects. are not orious-
~ Enthusiastically when they come to
write about military events. Victor
Hugo's romance of Waterloo was almost
equal in absurdity to Lamartine's ac-
count of the battle, in which We are
told how Napoleon stood over a shell on
the point of bursting in order to en-
courage the army, as if the whole army
could see him perform this ridiculous
feat; and how he made his cavalry
the whole of them apparently-dis-
mount and unfasten the curb chains Of
their horses brides, in order to give
greater impetus to their charge. Thiers'
accounts, also, of any battles in which
the French we're engaged are for the
most part thoroughly Enthusiastically.
But the creation of myths is not limited
to the French. We fatter ourselves
that we are common-sense people, not
given to brag and buster; bat Tie way
in which some of our newspapers talk
about the army is enough to make the
readers ashamed of themselves. A
newspaper, for example, in describing
the arrangements for the Duke OF Cou-
naught's marriage, told how atl.at
true soldier, the Red Prince" was re
to 60 into raptnres of delight ON seeing
our magnificent Horse Guards; as if it
required one to be true soldier in
order not to see that magnifcence does
not consist in horse being obviously
over-weighted by the long-legged man
who bestrides it. It is an article of faith
with most English people that the
French cavalry actually charged our
squares at Waterloo, and were repulsed
at the point of the bayonet; and we
have been told over and over again that
our troops in the. Indian mnt;ny went
through the campaign with compressed
lip and flashing cye.-Sale1rday Re-
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
is THERE.A ANY BY-AND.BY
By L. g. WILSON,

.--'a%.' '' ~ ~ VI WAA6ONs
They tell me that tits al of life s:
To live and toll and die;
Ending at once all care and strife,
There Il no by-and-by. 80
Our cherished hopes that We shall ind
A heaven beyond the sky
Are but the merest mists Of mind;
i There Is no by-and-by. :.
On Earth to earth and dust to dust
Alone can we relyf
There's nothing further we can trust
j.. There is no by-andby.
OH can It be that all our hopes
OF final home and heaven,
OF Life and rest, of Joy and peace,
In one short hour are riven?
Will those dear friends we've loved so tru
In endless slumber lie?
No fond embrace all ages through;
No meeting by-and-by!
This curious web we here call life
Unfinished soon must lie,
The rarest patterns incomplete,
II there's no by-and-by.
Ali tell me, ye who look teyond
The Ianga of mortal eye.
Is this alone the sum of life?
Is there no by and-by?
IoUx CRY, Iowa.
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
A Pair of Sweet Vnicas

"The sweetest voice ever heard. !"
said the Bishop, "was a woman's. It
was soft and low, but penetrating, mu-
steal and measured in it's accents, but
not precise. We were on asteamer, and
she murmured some commonplace
words about the scenery. I do not re-
member what she said, but I can never
forget the exquisitely tender, musical
voice. The sweetest voice ever
heard, said the professor, @was mans.
I had been out fishing nearly all day
and got back to the hotel about 3
o'clock. The man came out and roared.
'D1K-NUR' till it soured the milk 81
the cellar. I have heard other voices
SINCE then, but I never But the
Bishop. with look of intense disgust
I'll over his face, had already walled
away out Of hearing and was lighting 3
fresh cigar By himself. Bangor Wfio
Ono papers complain that the forests
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
SUPREME COURT.

WAsHINd1oN, Dec. S.-The following decis-
ions were fled today: sEi. Is!ss*. - 50
No. 6S-County of Cass, plaintiff in error.
Solomons Gillet in error to the circuit court of
the United States for the Western district OF
Missouri. This was suit brought to recover
interest on coupons Of certain bonds Of Caas
county, Missouri, issued in payment of sub
scription to the capital stock of the Clinton q
Kansas City branch Of the Jebo q Neosho rail-
road. This caae d almost precisely similar 10
that of the county Of HenrY ". Nioolas, report
ed in Is United States. 6l9, and III the i1npor-
tant arsi2nments OF error Eall within the deois-
ion in that case Or that ID thes 60 Of Sohnyler
Va. Thomaa 178 United Etatea 1861 The
sjudgement 81 the lower court Il a1frmed viii
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12

W Ono papers complain that the forests
are disap pearing q that State. -
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12
EGYPT AND ABYssINIA.

E81FT AND ABYSS1N1A.
: Accounts from Egypt state the govern
ment ID actively completing preparations for
war with Abyssinia. The war Office at Cairo
and the harbor of Guez, where the troops are
to embark, is very animated. nhostilities are
resumed the Egyptian forces viii be divided
into two armies, offensive and defensive, the
former to be composed of eight thousand
men and the latter of twelve thousand men
The offensive army will be directed on the
Egyptian harbor of Arkiko, near the capital OF
Abysslnia, and the defensive army win take
up two entrenched positions, one at Gozun,
near Rabal river, and the other, at Bahia, on
Render river, iAbyssinia, leading from the
north to the soudan. Gordan Pashalwill COM
mand the defensive army. ''s
REV. DE WITT TALSIADaE. -.
On Sunday, Dec.7 Rev. MI. Talmadge
In the Brooklyn, N. Y. tabernacle before COM
mencing his sermon, made answer to the pro-
posal Of the trustees that the Tabernacle Con-
gregation 90 out Of the denomination to re-
verse the proceedings in his recent trial and
said It Is only question Of how much an
noyance and nigging the great Presbyterian
denomination viii allow my enemies to carry
on toward without me official condemnation.
An a ask ssthat the synod Of Rhode island or
general assembly Of the United States VIM call
these pursnets. II the Presbyterian church
want ~ they can have Us. II they don't let
thorn say sos and We viii all 60 together. This
church Wa built for me TO preach in, and
here shall preach until God shall tell me
to stop.
A1Us1 m THE xILWAUKEE HOUSE OF
CoRRxcT1oN.
Ths majority Of the committee appoint
ed ~ board of s1perv ison 10 investigate
he aAhin q Nc lrilw snlres. county house 81
corrscti ependent -of the shvestix alton
conducted 81 TIE State board ~ charities and
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12

went. As the day was intensely cold,
my compulsory bath was rather uncom-
Portable, and, although I made good
time to our cabin, I found both my feet
were badly frozen. This accident rem
dered me somewhat of q cripple, and
confined me in, doors for several days.
In the course of a week, the confne-
ment proving irksome, and my partner
reporting fresh deer-tracks, I wrapped
my feet in gunny-sacks and we sailed
forth. As the creek-banks were lined
with willows, he took one side, I the
other. Before going far I espied an
old bull-bufalo, evidently taking a
kindly interest in my maneuvers. Al
though he was nearly 400 yards away, I
fred, and he fell. In going toward
him I slipped another cartridge into my
rifle. When within about five yards I
noticed he was pretty Gvely-looking
corpse, but, ere I had time to ruminate,
he up and charged. 1nstinctively I
pointed the rifle at his head and fred.
The old fellow merely shook his crani-
UNI, but delayed not. I dropped my
rife; then commenced one of the most
interesting races ever beheld. Twas a
little ahead, with the bull good sec
ond. After retaining my slight lead
for about seventy~fve yards ! heard my
partner, on the opposite side of the
creek, yelling with laughter and halloo-i
ing, @Go it, Cook-go It'll" Previous to
receiving this encouragement / had
been doing my utmost to beat the buff
.falo. Presently my partners rifle
cracked, and, glanciDg over my shout
der, I saw my antagonist was down,
having evidently withdrawn from the
contest. The moment / felt I was safe
7 began .hobbling toward my partner,
but he at once objected to my mode of
locomCtion, claiming il 4toabe an utter
impossibility for acripple to: make such
good time asI had reoently done. He
ever afterward insisted that, with ! little.
training, i would Be the 6eetest foot
man On the plaiins
On smother occasion Ieonard wound
ed . young bull, which Ieisurely walked
Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-12-12

aring Of tho postomce clerks.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
The Death-rate OF

Our country is getting to be feerfulIy
alarming, the average of life being lessen
ed every year, without any reasonable
cause. death resulting generally from the
most insignificant origin. At this season
of the year especially, cold is such a
common thing that in the hurry of every
day life we are apt to overlook the dangers
attending it and often find too late, that {
Fever or Lung trouble has already set in
Thousands lose their lives in this way
every winter, while had Boscbee's German
Syrup been taken, cure would have re-
suited, and large bill FROM a Doctor beer
avoided. For all diseases of the Throat
and Lungs, Boschee's German Syrup ha:
proven itself to be the greatest discover!
of it's kind in medicine Every Druggis
in this country will tell you of its wonder
full effect Over $4,000 bottles sold las
year without a single failure known
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
The 99ailr Argus,
ROCK IsLAND.

The funeral of the murdered Mrs. Hull,
IN New York, was chapter of accidents,
When the coffin was placed over the
grave preparatory to the recital of the
burial service, the earth at the head of the
grave gave way. The Herald says: Ore
of the erossbars fell and the end of the
box dropped to the bottom of the grave
Ine bar under the head of the coffin
shipped and the coffin itself was thrown
With dull crash down into the grave. 1t
lay moment at an angle of about forty
i've degrees, the foot still supported by
the crossbars and the head on the fallen
box below. MIR. Mollison and Mr.. Field
had fallen partly under the coffin and part
ly into the grave. A small monument
over the grave of one of Mrs. Hui's
nephews was upset by the starting back
of one OF the pail bearers. A
shudder of irrepressible horror passed
over the entire company. For an instant
every one was paralyzed. Several of the
women Wept and turned away their faces.
DIR. Hull stood as if rooted to the ground.
He moaned and walled with awful grief,
The tears rolled from his eyes, and as he
wept, he repeated again and again, oh
dear! oh, dearl oh, dearW Apparently
be could not stir, and he stood absolutely
still while the coffin was lifted up by a
dozen quick hands and placed on a grave
near by. 1t was slightly broken though il
retained its shape and held together, The
seams at the head had sprung apart about
a quarter of an inch, and the lid over the
the plate was partly displaced, though
| fortunately not enough to disclose view
of the rudely shaken corpse. 1t was re
placed at once, and preparations were
again made for lowering the coffin to il,
last resting place. Unfortunately thi,
could not be readily done, If suitable
pieces of timber had been at hand a tres
tlework could have been easily made, even
with the edges of the grave displaced
But no such timber was there. Excepting
the four stout crossbars, ali that wa
available was lot of w0rm-eaten, decayeC
plank. This was broken into half dozeT
pieces, and one laid upon another to form
an edge for the support of the bars, aftel
at least twenty minutes Of confused worl
and much talk by dozen men. Even tn
support seemed frail, and many though
the body, thus pursued by seemingI!
relentless fate, would again fall. Tn
) mourners stood for these twenty minute;
10 the full glare of the afternoon sun
unwilling witnesses Of the unseemIy occur
renee, and when at length the lowerioi
was actually accomplished, there was
general sigh of relief.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
ladies, Delicate and Feeble

Those lauguid tiresome sensations,
causing you to feel scarcely able to be on
your feet; that constant drain that is
taking from your system all its former
elasticity; driving the bloom from your
cheeks; that continual strain upon your
vital forces, rendering you irritable aud
fretful, can easily be removed by the use
of that marvellous remedy, Hop Bitters
Irregularities and distinctions of your sys
tenn are relieved at once, while the specia
cause of periodical pain are permanently
removed. Will you heed this? See
"Truths -
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20

Permanently located at 317 Perry Street, DAVEN
me Doctor has practiced medicine twenty years.
and il a regular graduate Of British and American
Institutions. His treatment is inYaria BILE attend ed
with well established success. Persons cominl.
nnder treatment may rest assured OF recovering
every benefit guaranteed by science, skill and a
comprehensive experience
FEMALE COMPLAINTS In this department
Of medicine the Doctor is prepared to treat in the
mos, scientific manner. He earnestly solicits the
attention OF the afflicted to this notice. feeling per
iectly confident that his medicines give the most
.peedy relief. Then do not delay, as a complaint
which is durable to-day may become incurable in
b,rff mi
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
Con stipatiOn.

l. the disease maker t" all human beings. The
rich and tt poor, the cid and the Young, male and
femal are its regular victims. Al The bedside the
physcian's first veson is, how are your bowels"
This condition has many causes, aud leads to many
diseases, rs follows: Indigestion. acid stomach,
heartburn fevers biliousncss, sick headnche, tor
pidity of the liver, collie, fatulency, iuf4mmatury
diseases, nervousness loss Of appetite. etc etc,
These conditions, whether flictng old ory ul@,
can all be relieved by the use OF "Bailey's Saline
Aperient.~ which is pleasant and sparkling purga-
tive, acting speedily and freely upon the stomach
bowels and liver: giving tone and strength TO all
relieving indigestion curing sick headache, heart
burn and acid stomach; cools and qnlets in fevers;
never produces pain or nausea; acts gently upon
the skin and kidneys and is the cheapest me lclne
ever offered.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
SALT RREUM FOR 30 YEARS
On the Head, Face, and Greater Part
of tho RnlN Cnrnd

OH INC HeaU, Face, and UFeater Fart
of the Body, Cured.
Messrs. WEEKS & POTTER: Gentlemen,-I have
been great sufferer with Salt Rheum for 30 years,
commencing in my head and face and extending
over the greater part of my body. have taken
gallons OF medicines for the blood of different
kinds and tried good physicians, all Of which did
me no good and l came to the conclusion that
could not be cured. But friend called my atten-
ton to an article in the Union on skin diseases,
and i got box otCUTIoURA. The first application
was great relief and the third took the scales all
OF, and felt like anew man. l have used three
5O-cent boxes and my skin is smooth and consid-
or myself entirely cured. Hoping that this may be
seen by some one afflicted as have been (f there
is any, is my earnest wish. And / cheerfully re-
commend it 10 all persons afflicted with like dis
eases.
| Yours truly B. WILSON LORD
AGAwAN, MASS, Sept. O. 1878.
| The CUTIcURA SOAP should be used for cleansing
| all diseased surfaces, most soaps are injurious
| to the skin.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
Trv DAVIS Ague Tonic.

Quinire removes the periodicitY Of chill l-day,
hut it is apt TO return on the morrow. All mala-
riOus diseases REQUIRE that the stomach shall be
thoroughly cleaused the liver unlocked, the bowls
unloaded and the pores Of the skin opened before
a final cure can be effected Quinine nor any other
drug can possibly produce these results at the
same time, hence permanent cure is seldom tf-
fectcd Days Ague Tonic has been so combined
and compounded that it produces all the above e
suits at the same time, M king absolute aud per
mauent cures leaving the system IN healthy con
dition
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-06-20
The Y elbow Leaf.

What significance this brings to the heart of
man. Alb, yes the thoughts that cluster around
the idea of yellow leaf" are full of pathos and
meaning They speak in tones not easily under
stood that although they in spring ana summer
time, futtered to The breeze whenf esh and green,
that now during the fall season, they are assuming
their winter "a b of death, and viii soon fall TO
the earth and be forgotten Ab, what a sad
thought! Thousands OF females are this day pas
sing through the yellow le2f stage premature.y.
They are rapidly closing their lives OF usefulness
by refusing TO rescue themselves when so potent
aud reliable a remedy Is at hand the Engi's h
Female Bitters, the great female regulator OF the