The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-08-01
Iten1S.

If streamlet is small stream, is Ham
let small ham ?"
There are forty-fou American firms
doing business in Japan.
"A sweeping charge-Street-c cleaners
salaries.
--Cupid's shafts at present seem to have
some connection with a family carriage.
No malice can exist without thought
so how can there be malace aforethought
As you grow old, your hair becomes
quarresome, it is continually falling out.
We can beat England at anything but
baseball. She doesn't know how to play
1t.
What the weather says to the linen col
lar is, "Wilt.thou," and it invariably willis.
"Pain lobster is on the bills of fare now
but did any body ever see really hand
some lobster
Agricultural prospects in England are
not the most flattering, and in Scotland they
are described as most discouraging.
"A lored,Sunday school in Mississippi
has double-guarded treasury. One man
keeps the key and the other holds the box.
1t behooyes women to have their nails
carefully dressed if they would wear lace
mitts.
The funniest fool in circus, says the
Meriden Recorder, is the mule-and he says
nothing.
The dear creatures call them parasols
because they parry the rays of Sol.
Puck knows man who asked his bank
er for Pinafore per cents.
There are now in Massachusetts, prisons
nearly 400 prisoners. 357 of whom are at
the Sherborn, 1000 in the county pris-
ons.
The Baltimore Gazette compares some
bathers who recently emerged from the wa
ter at Cape May to slices of sky walking up
the beach.
The imports at one point increased up
wards of three millions the last year las COM
pared with the previous twelve months.
1T just tickes the fish to death to pop
his head out of the water and see crowd of
mortals mopping their unhappy brows on
shore.
The Detroit Free Press has a letter
signed can Old Actor" We will bet it
never had one from an old actress. Man
and money ready.
Nothing perplexes a married man more
than to find his wife using his bachelor ci-
gar-case TO keep hair-pins in.
Chestnut ltrees are known to have
lived 900 years. Lime trees havs attained
600 years in France, and birchet are cup
posed to be equally durable.
The production of butter aud cheese in
this country is said to be four times greater
in value than the total yield of our gold
and silver mines.
"A lady writes to Western newspaper
that "the girl who keeps her sweet temper
and good looks up to twenty-five is apt to
retain them to old age"
"A market report says "there's nothing
| doing in cheese" He should have qualifi-
ed his remark by saying there was "a little
mite doing"
1.-THE army at the polls"-began poll
tical enthusiast to his neighbor farmer.
20, cut that" replied the other 'the beans
at the poles is the topic which interests me
Just now."
| The man who goes fishing and sits in a
cramp-inviting posture on a narrow thwart
| from early morn till dewy eve, and calls it
fun, is the same chap that never goes to
church because the pews aren't comfort
able.
| The paper duty in France amounts to
about forty per centum of the value of pa
per used as newspapers, and this is why
| French newspapers as a ru le, are printed on
bad paper.
"A little girl was, for the first time in
her life, to attend funeral as she was be-
ing dressed, she lifted from the drawer
dark brown sash, and asked, "Wouldn't this
be best to wear 1t is kind of coffin-color-
ed"
Young lady to recently-marred friend
"1s he all you hoped for?' "Why, of
course" "Fine fellow, genteel.9" "More
than that; elegant, He talks like book )"
well, when you come to volume second,
send him to me-"
"A writer on styles says: at is the fash
ion in France for ladies to take tea in
their bonnets and gloves" 1t may be, but
we prefer teacup Gloves make tea taste
bad, and bonnets drip so.
The peculiar characteristic of the Irish
flea is that you put your finger on him, and
he ism t there. The peculiar characteristic
of the Russian nihilist is that you put your
finger on him, and you aren't there.
A lit le six years Holyoke boy aston
ished his mother by exclaiming, 81 wish
was an angel !" Wondering what holy
thoughts were filling his youthful mind, she
waited for the reason. "Then l could see
all the circusses at once"
Dean Stanley says that the whole con
, tributions of the whole Roman church, at
this moment to the missionary cause do not
amount to sne-third of what is contributed
by the Protestant communions of Great
Britain alone.
, An advertising agent goes his rounds in
} Boston with Bible under his arm. He
wants to be prepared, no doubt to make an
, oath at moments notice that the circu la
tion of his paper is-well, say twice as large
as it really is.
Martin Van Buren, who was President
from 1888 to 1S4l, had four sons--one was
John, great lawyer another was Smith, q
literary gentleman; third, Martin, Jr.
and fourth, Abraham, who was a Wes
r Pointer, and served on the staff of Genera
: Winfield Scott.
Three weeks ago a Worth dress could
be detected at a glance by the wide sash
draped straight around the hips, and fasten.
. ed on one side by large fancy buckle. Nov
$ the sash is no longer trade mark" of the
i great man milliner, but an accessory" ad.
opted by nearly every city dressmaker.
a "A new novel is called "A Lady's Fou
d Wishes" An old bachelor says he hasn'
n read the book but he knows what her fou
!, wishes are: First, new bonnet second
II new bonnet third, a new bonnet fourth
e new bonnet" From this, one might sup
pose that the old bachelor was a marie,
man.
The Louisville Courier Journal patriot
cally warns the people of the United State
that the royal family of Great Rritain hav,
II designs upon Niagara Falls. The other da,
n the Princess Louise, on first looking upoi
k the falls, threw her head back in ecstasy an,
1t exclaimed, Don't speak let me drink il
Il tho uhoIa snapa