The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-04-25

She mas borrowed MIS-. Peppers CHINA
Tea Set for the occasion and the re-
past will be spread on Mrs. Stokes long
damask table-cloth. She has sent her
best spoons down to Boston to be re-
plated and sent word to have them all
marked to look as nigh as can be like
real silver. She says that whatever the
minister's sermons amount to she's
bound he shall have good supper
and that's what he don't often get at
home with such wife as he has.
ARTICLES.-CATs.-Cats are about
the most interestingest animals there is.
You can have more fun with a cat in
half an hour, if you have good tree
handy and an enterprizing dog, that you
can with whole travelling menagerie.
Cats and fre-crackers are mortal
enemies-You tie bunch to a
cats tail and set 'em of, and they will
go down the street like fry comet.
N. b., wire is better than string to
fasten them ON with-as string is liable
to burn of. 1t is very pleasant pastime
to see two cats fight. Their tails may
be tied firmly together, and, for fear
they might tear up things in the garden,
it is good plan to hang them across a
clothes-ine. They can be heard miles.
/ have often seen them. Some folks
regard this sport as cruel; we call such
folks chicken-ivered. Did you ever
see shaved cat? They are very sim
gular creatures-if may be done with
razor if you know where your father
keeps his'n. You tie up the cats paws
in old mittens while you are doing of
it. Some folks don't think it hardly
pays-and 1 shall never be guilty of do
ing of Though do think father is
rather mean who whales his boy all
over-when his finger is cut half off and
his face scratched all over all ready.
Kittens are very pretty. There are
more than forty of them in the water
under the mill bridge. They nearly all
of them have stones tied to their necks.
1t is very unfeeling thing to drownd a
kitten. They are inherent harmless
creatures. Cats are great singers. The
Chinese eat cats. What can you ex-
pect of the heather? Some people
hang dead cats as May baskets-it is
only a joke but the folks that get 'em
never seem TO appreciate it. There is
great many other things about cats
but think 1 have given you plenty
of ideas already, so will close.
SIMON SLOPE.
That was all the reading-matter that
the TOn,myhaiCk contained. There
were some advertisements, principally
calling attention to the manufacture of
sweet-fern cigars and asking for the re-
turn of lost balls and jack-knives. Al
together the paper was a success-if the
success of a paper can be reckoned by
the commotion it creates. The above
number was issued on Saturday morn
ing, and before midnight of the same
day Mrs. Slope had received note from
the minister declining her "ki,ad invita-
ton to tea" and devoting several pages
to as hearty abuse as minister could
frame in language. Mr.. Stokes store
was visited by committee of the tenn
perance society, who brought an officer to
seize the "soothing-sirup" key; and,
before he had gone, another
minion of the law had Mr.. Stokes
in hand for selling adulterated
goods. That same night Deacon Pep
per discharged his hired boy, without
notice. On that same afternoon Mr..
Singing Snodgrass walked into the bar
ber's shop, thrashed the barber, broke
the bottles, and went straight off and
proposed to Billy Smiths sister, who
accepted him at once.
The edition Of the paper was sold in
no time. There was not a copy of it
left by o'clock in the afternoon, and,
while ST Slope was that evening making
a selection of candy and dime novels,
for which he intended to pay with the
proceeds of the sale, he was seized upon
by Mr.. Percival, who proceeded then
and there to chastise him. He had
hardly escaped from this angry man
before Stokes boy had him by the hair
of the head, dragged him into the mid
die of the street, and, putting him down
in the mud, kicked him till he was black
and blue. Capt. Fungus saw the fight,
and came and helped Stokes
boy. At last, covered with mud
and with shame, the young editor
made his escape and hied him home
ward, vowing vengeance. He was just
turning the last corner when he met the
boy whom Deacon Pepper had turned
away, and this wicked boy had horse
whip. Such shrieking was never heard
before in Snaptown.
After this last infection ST sneaked
into the yard, saying: Never mind, I'll
pay them up next week. I've got things
to tell about all of 'em. I'll get every
one of them a ickingp And he went
across the yard to lock up the Tommy
ha,ck Office. AS he approached the
building, the Tompkins boys sprung
out upon him, and, acting as leaders to
score more of fiery and untamed
youngsters, they proceeded to tear
down the building before Simon's very
eyes, having previously bound him tc a
tree. Then they pelted him with the
types, and, it being quite dark, made a
glorious fire of the debris of the struct-
ure. Mr.. Slope, seeing the light, came
rushing out of the house, and, instead
of driving the boys away, shouted: