The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-08-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

TELL not your secrets in cornheld;
it has thousands of ears.
THE hair crop is very short this SEA-
son.
IT has been noticed that colored man
at the south can walk with watermelon
under each arm while he is eating third.
The barber of the encouragement of
the Dominion styles himself "Lorne
mower to her royal highness, ETC., ETC."
The Boston Post has discovered that
Coney Island is not Jew, but Gent
isle.
AN Irishman speaks of popular truth
when he calls the heated term -" hated
term.
WHEN the woodman shoulders his ak
and starts for the woods the Boston Post,
says he does so for fell purpose.
A MAN cares little for his wrongs
when getting his funeral rites fonkSrS
| Gazette
He said but little yet, as he gazed on
the mutilated edge of his best razor, he
mentally vowed never again to marry
woman with corns.
A NEVADA bedbug bit man on the
lip, and both bug and man died from
the effects of it. The doctors didn't
know which to post-mortem on.
WHISKY is now made from leather,
and this may perhaps explain way SO
many persons who drink it are always
strapped.
| BECAUSE a man is willing to take
horn in the morning it does not follow
that he will not give the Texas steer
wide berth. -Ne,0 Orleans Pacdyttse.
| ANY man who can swap horses or
ketch fish and not lie about it is just
about az plus az men ever git to be IN
this world-Josh Billings.
In St. Louis the thermometer is touch
ing 100 and that city again steps to the
front as 8 summer resort.-Phttd. ChTora-
icIs.
"NINETY and nine " folks in the hum
dred make mistake when they cut Oft
dogs tall They preserve the wrong
end.
CERvANTEs has said: every one is
the son of his own works" This makes
the great Krupp a son of gun.--Ne'0
Orleans Picdyune.
A CERTAIN young lady who was lit
tie behindhand in her summer ouths
surprised her parents the other day by
asking why she was unlike George Wash,
ington. When they gave it up she said
because she had no little hat-yet.
THE first peaches of the season, con-
sisting of piece of buckskin with col
Iege mustache all around, and stretched
over a piece of cobble stone, will now
begin to tie the small boy into g hard
knot.
EVERY state has its compensations.
The man who has lost an eye is not
wholly unblessed. Having but one eye
to close, he of course can go to sleep in
just half the time the two-eyed man re-
quires.-Boston Transcript.
IN reply to a person who asked him
the derivition of the word "res-
taurant," Bayard Taylor replied jok-
ingly, with a merry twinkle in his
eye, Restaurant is derived from res,
a thing and taurus, a bull "a bully
thing"
A COUNTRY woman stopped some ten
minutes in front of store in Springfield
to gaze at q patent fytrap in operation,
which was pretty well filed, and after
studying the placard, 81, intently,
moved on, after piping out, to the great
amusement of the bystanders: "Tew
dollarsl l wouldn't give tew cents for
all the flies in Springfield"
A POEM entitled "To My Mule" in
the Louisville Courier Journal, closes
with these lines:
So now, my mule, your matin nubbins MUNICH,
| And will trim your tail the while you lunch;
and the Chicago Tribune thinks that the
breaking off of the poetry at the point
where the writer begins to trim the
mules tail is proof that he was, then
and there, kicked up about three hun
dred steps of the golden stair"
A YOUNG lady graduate in a neigh
boring county read an essay entitled
" Employment of Time" Her compo-
sition was based on the text, Cline
wasted is existence; used, is life" The
next day she purchased eight ounces of
zephyr of different shades and COM
menced working a sky-blue dog with sea
green ears and pink tail on piece of
yellow canvas She expects to have it
done by next Christmas.-NorristotCn
Herald.
WHEN Payne, the author of Home,
Sweet Home" returned to Boston after
a long absence in Europe, he called up
on lady, an old schoolmate, who said:
"Mr. Payne, don't you find Boston
much changedw eyes, madam" he
answered, every much-I receive many
invitations to attend church, and very
few to dinner" When the poor poet
went to assume his office at Tunis, his
luggage was at once pathetic and anus
ing-he had several trunks filled with
books, and hardly any clothes.
A LITTLE fellow,rushed into thestreet,
recently, to look at a monkey that &C
companied an organ grinder who was
was playing in front of an adjoining
block. Never having perused the "Ori-
gin of man." he gazed in wonder and
admiration q few minutes, and then
rushing into the house he met his grand
mother to whom he addressed this in
quiry: Grandmother, who made mon
keys?" God, my boy" replied the old
lady in her candid way. DWELL" said
the excitable grandson in reioinder,
"Pll bet God laughed when he got the
first monkey donep'- Morwich Bulletin.
HERE we have the great Egyptian
wonder, captured in the wilds of South
Africa, with loss of 5000 men and an
expenditure of $40, o00,0 900 of treasured"
exclaimed the Snowman, shaking his
whip in threatening manner, at a
stuffed hide in glass cage "Don't
go to close too Close" said a mother to
her son; /" it might seize you" "Have
no fears, madame, for the safety of your
| offspring" observed the Snowman, elo-
quently; I" for does not the good book