Litchfield enquirer., 1879-02-06
CLIPPINGS.

CLIPPINGS. r>Whichi is better, toRie eating or diet2 . ? ~.A soft hand, Sir. turnet'i away ~lafh.t >''
 j female elephant is known by tLe size of her trunk.
 TAe wages of An Sin are two dollars week and ''pard 4 %~ ~@. FE 5s ~wdE are 5uIhrdozzing! 5Ih old England with the beef of young Texas
 Y Twins are cofnnisa enough, butitripIetsTis l putting on heirs
 ! ' + Ypu csu', r.sait3 yole resolutions, don't bre'ri: 'e.,I, but give 'en 10 s1alt poor fellow who hasn't any.
 rr 'Glli)t rA4dgu BatteFY is ths way Danbury merchatt wrote lis window sign, Probably the rolls had stone in each one. A writer ,lesc!ibngfa bevy of girls says, "each face was picture" Painted by her own hands,, we prtsuase. 2 f|H--A
 .Breiren, :, said a .larlsey in a prayer-l. eet- ing, T feeIsif could talk more good in five minutes dan 1 could do in year. "A ii:y-gooas, clerk of Shelbyville, Ill.,, has swallowed 22 cartridge walks on tiptoe. and is not in demand at balls as partner.
 That the velocpede is of heavenly origin is evident from Miton's lines, A'IWitll centric and eccentric scfi 'bled OCT, cycle and the bi- cycle, orb in orb.''
 F. A Boston man who bought one thousand H4Tana cigars, on being asked what they were for replied that they were tickets to q course of lectures to be given by his wife. !
 An Illinois man. writing to the clerk of the Supreme Court of the State for license to practice law, said: 'If you have twoT sizes send ne the largest one.'' ~ It is quite evident that Shylec'z was in the hahjt of ,carryinghis papers in his hat; or | how else satisfactorily explain the remark My deeds upon my head?' Ec~
 It makes an editor mad as thunder to read of the way subscriptions are rolir5 in to the f0nr per cents. when he hasn't had d new sub- scriber in six months.
 Distinguished divine to recent convert: "We propose to baptze you by the Turkish bath methol- IL ( is oalys the only means to scrub your years of sin out of you
 They had suffering man on the witness
 
 iapse@0f twenty ght minutes he had only go. az far as "D-d d-d-damfino"
 A schoolmaster spoke of his pupils as having heen SD thoroughly disciplined, that tliev were as quiet and orderly as the chairs them 'elves. It was probably because they were cane 6ot- toned.
 A bright litlr three-vear old, living on Elm | street, while her mother was trying to get her to sleep.i became interested in soa,e outside nolse She told that it was caused by a cricket, ea sh sagely o',se el ''Mlm na l thlnk he ought to be oiled" There was young man of Palmyra,
 Sat down alon sside of his Myra; They had just doused the glim
 r< When her parents came in. ~ -
 And the young man achieved his Hegira. twill sound funny when that Frenchman completes his railroad into the Holy Land to hear the conductor sing out Jerusalem Ten tl,inutes for refreshments Change here for Demascns and Babylon" -..Ets- A miser' character described ill two lines You who are acquainted with Mir. K, can You tell the reason why, being so rich, he al ways takes third-class passage to his villa 7" ''Oh, it is very simple. It is because there IS | no fourth class" yT. j.@
 The Indian complains of the loss of his hunting grounds. How unreasonable The government is hunting grounds" for him all the tune and then bunting him down and mak- ing him move away from them.
 Touching obituary in the Buffalo Express: Doctor Mcbride, who called himself the King of Pain," recently died in Chicago. He yyac a Of hoi Urpa rffp d lack of medical knowledge that was appar- ently botiomless. < e~ = aL " - It may seem little irreverent, but it ap- pears mighty appropriate to speak of suicide who sought death as relief from the hiIp0r t,Inities sof hundred creditors to whon he had given his written promise 10 pay as one -~'I our noted~ - dead' a "A &F
 While the rest of the nation has been absorb ed in resumption. the Lyceum at New Milford has taken off it's coat and decided that horse trotting at fairsiniures the community or at least that portion of it so unfortunate as to bet on the wrong horse.< a # e4 Revenge is sometimes gained by making an mpudent retort, as in the case of the Madison student who said, Tn response to a reproof for the lowness of his position in the class: "Well, professor. never mind. y presume I am as much to blame as you are"
 Texan cattle king has just given his daughter eighty thousand head of cattle as a marriage present. %The only trouble about thi> : sort of present that it is so mighty bard to ara ,get effectively in the room set apart for r the display of friendship offerings to the bride.
 When young tehacco cbewer. who boasted that his father used the weed up to the day of his aath. was asked if she didn't think it shortened his days, replied: Not at all. Each oue of his days was twenty four hours l,ng. just the same as if he hadn't used to- bacco. "a-f
 | Rutland lawyer, in referring to some prisoners, addresses the jury as fellows T tell yon their knees shook as shook the knees of BeltsheeZer, when Paul said unto him Thou art the man," And Biddeford advo- catet, blushing at the conduct of his oppo- nents's client, shouted in open court, "Tell it not in nth, publish it not in the streets of l Jerusalem .''a g A AA g. %j8 aA At, A butcher complained to alawyer that some hody's dog was in the habit of stealing meat | from his cart, and asked wha. lac rsrUuiu q" about it. The lawyer replied, "Prosecnte the owner of the dog, ,vof conrse." But" I said the butcher. Fit is5your dog" II will pay the bill" said the lawyer, bringing his
 hand down suddenly on the place where his
 pocketbook WAS supposed to be- If you will tell me how much the meat was worth." The butcher replied d''About $1." "All right" re- joined the lawyer, shand over $1 to me and
 we shall be square. The advice which gave you Tn the beginning was worth $2!' r. When the Duke of Clarence, afterward Will liam ", went down'to Portsmouth 10 inspect the British seventy-fours, the guide allotted to him was battered old lieutenant with one eye, who. lacking 'friead at court" had served years without promotion. AS the vet eran removed his hat to salute his royal visit or that latter remarked his badness, and said iestingy, Il see my friend, you have not spar ed your hair in vour country's service" Why. your Royal Highncss." answered the eld ralt, ''somany young felllows have sten- l ped over my head that isss a wonder live got any hair left" The duke laughed loudly a, I this professional joke, but he made a note, of the old mans name at the same time, and a