Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-12-18
VARIETIES.

the bar is to get on tne gooo sue Vi Cno
barkeeper.
"A young lady in Brooklyn calls her
beau spark from the wires, because
he's telegraph operator.
The most powerful of existing tele-
scopes is now in use at Melbourne.
which magnifes 5000 times.
An ounce of keep-your-mouth-shut
is better than pound of explanations
after you have said it.--Free Press.
in Sweden bride has her pockets
filed with bread. Caramels are good
enough for the girls in this country.
Some people Judge an umbrella by
the handle. The best way is to tickle
it in the ribs.-Neo0 HGVe1, Register.
The Philadelphia Chronicle says
that youth and toothless old age are
chewing gum periods of q mans life
The rats of Illinois eat up and de-
stroy 100000 bushels of corn every
year, and the query with her is whether
TO stop raising corn or rats.
-AWetzel County girl says one hugis
worth a dozen love letters. They can
not be introduced as evidence in a
breach of promise suit, either.
The Detroit Free Press says that no
woman should ever give a plump mo"
to an offer of marriage. Hold on to
even poor one, and use.it for bait. "
-" Everything" says Western pa
per, "has recently advanced in price
except liberty, which remains at eternal
vigilance, with liberal reductions to the
trade"
Vague reports of troubles in Spain
have reached this country. Is it posi-
BILE that Alfonso has already refused to
get up first and start the freP- Chicago
Tribune.
After Texas jury had stood out
for ninety.six hours the Judge got a
verdict out of them in two minutes by
sending them word that circus had
come to town.
-" Ulster is a curious name for
young lady, but that is what an Irving
ton young man calls his queen. We
suppose because he is so wrapped up
in her. - ROnberS Statesman.
The thoughtful girl who tells her
gentlemen callers what her other gentle
men friends are going to give her
Christmas is taking time by the top
knot. -AndreaOS' american Queen.
-" What is the difference between
the masons and their tenders" asked
Mr.. Practical, $50 long as they get the
same payP' "The difference lies in
the hods," replied John, the Britisher.
Child Ofseven, before being brought
into the draWing-room. Row heard
outside room. Scream from child.
Child in alto: "Tompany Company |
or no company, ! won't have my face
washed with spit!'
Poor England! War in Zululand |
and Afghanistan, land troubles in Ire
land, and now comes the melancholy |
intelligence that the next six days walk |
for the Ashley belt is to be held in Lon
don. Chicago Tribune.
The idea of teaching girl music
because she may some day have to de-
pend on herself is good one. If she
had to depend on herself and knew how
to make her own dresses it would be
outrageous. us.-Free Press.
--" There was never any situation so
bad that il could not be worse" says
an American philosopher. For in
stance, man on the gallows might be
lost in the woods without even dog
for company. Free Press,
"A Yankee woman recently mar
ried a Chinese laundryman, and in
three days thereafter the unhappy Ce-
lestial appeared at a barber's shop and
ordered his pigtail to be cut off, saying,
in explanation: "Too muChee yank,"
Don't be alarmed young man, if
about this season of the year you dis
cover the idol of your alleged soul gaz-
ing intently at your feet during one of
your visits to her. She Is only sizing
them up for a pair Of slippers that you
can never wear.
OF course, says the Boston Trans
Cript, we all love our neighbor as our
selves; but when our coalbin is full and
his empty somehow the news of an adj
vance In coal doesn't make us look half
so glum as when the conditions of the
coalbins are reversed.
The Trenton IN. J.) Gazette says
that Professor Cook has sent to the
Geological Museum at the State House
in that city several large slabs of stone
containing imprints of birds feet, which
were found at a great depth in a Morris
County quarry.
The following list Of articles have {
been found in the Detroit drinking ,
water; Nitzchia curVula, oymatopleura ,
staurOneis, punctata, pleuro-
sigma spencerii and rhizosolenia erien- ,
sis. And yet they have temperance So {
cieties there. albany Journal. N
All emaciated humorist, who had I
been sick for a long time was required !
by his doctor TO have a large mustard s
plaster put on his chest. "Look here, I
DOCTOR isn't there a great deal of mus Y
lard when the quantity Of meat is taken O
nto cOnsiderationp' asked the sufferer. c
-" Don't you love her stillPn asked
he Judge Of q man who wanted d.
7orce. Certainly, do" he said. "I q
owe her better still than any other
way; but the trouble Is she will never
% still" The Judge, who is married j..
nan himself, took the case under ad-