, 1879-02-09
style mean-no ill-wil1 or malice. am chari-
table. eau afford to bu

style mean--no iil-will or malice. am chari
table. l eau afford to BIZ.
] jan. l, 1S13.-'rhe comic sermons and collee
| tion OF sacred humorous hymns have steaul!'
drawn the unregeueratc to my church. bnt
| don't allow one novelty to getcoid before tseat
| old-fasnioned pulpit into the lumbcr-roon, ait
substituted in its place large plain platform
| Puloits cranp live minister. They give ont
| no room to thrash around in. | rely good dea
! Tor the effect Of my sermons on my legs ant
arms. With these | can preach moving dis
| courses. Last week added Baptistry. Al
though Presbyterans we can now immcrse u
sprinkle as may be desired. This secures to my
CONGREGATION certain wayerers who might other
wise join the Baptists. The Baptistry was con.
structed when the church was built. But
didn't wish to bring out all the novelties in one
season.
Jan. !, 1S75,-l have secured Shocbuckle to
play for us on the cornet every Sunday. Tie
rnsh now is terrific. Every one OF Shoebuckle's e's
notes pays good interest. "Blow ye the
trumpet, hlow!"
.tan. l. 15'6.-l am preaching now just out
side the pale Of old-fashionel Presbytcrianism.
said the other Sunday TINT ! didn't under
stand lots OF things III the Bible which pro
tcssed to understand years ago. Nor do l.
Brothers Oldstylc and Bluclght are horrihed.
They argue that they understand these doctrinal
points FROM, top to bottom. They explain them
IN tweuty-six headed, hour and half sermons
whlchn&zZt into fog, mist, ami obscurity before
halt finished. PEOPLE prcfer to come over and
hear me and Shoebuckle on the cornet Us well
US my automatic orchestra just under the plat
form. That's my last novelty. ! bought the
automatic orchestra from Karnum. Tie funds
were raised at i New Years church osytcr sup
per. Three oysters to the stew and lemon tn q
barrel Of Lemonade. Gross receipts, $1,000.
Every spare silk pctticoat in the congregation
was cut up to make smoking caps ut $40 each.
Most Of the ycuns, single men ofmy congregation
have overdrawn their salaries, owing to the ex-
pensc OF this festival, and some will so without
winter overeoats. But the automatic orchestra
IL great succcss. 1t is composed Of nine fig
ures, worked by q crank. The children can't
take their eyes OFT the pass-drun.mer and the
chap with the trombone. They are Us natural
as life.
Jan. 1, 1S7S.-AiDisters have too long preached
what they know practically little about in GER
tain phases. mean sin. Few ministers ever
sowed a crop of wild oats. / never did. feel
the lack of experience and knowledge resnlting
from never having sown, grown, and harvested
any wild oats need course Ut wild oats. l
au going to sec SIN wherever it can be found
It's not right to deny young ministers tllrse
privileges enjoyed BY the worldly. Its the great
est NONSENSE in the world this trying to cure
people of complaints Que never saw or had
themselves. I'm going to see sin, gi]ded sin
sin i'll dauGe-houses and bar-roonis, and all sorts
OF places,-so tliat / can talk about it under
stanlingly. ! may sin 4 little myself, providing
it is necessary.
Jan. l, 1S7a.-Comp]aints Of my heterodoxy
increase. Ut course Bueight and Oldstyle are
at the bottom Of this. The Weekly Catv:"stic
Buge is also very bitter on me. fire back in
my paper, the Lively Putpttecr. The paper is
another novelty. 1t advertises me end utiliZcs
sawed-on ends ofseruons. I am strong enough
now to preach q little outside the deuomina-
tional doctrine. must 60 over the teDcs for
new material. Besides, can't keep inside OF
it. Convictions are stronger than creeds.
say things now every Sunday despite N.Y.
self which even startie myself. Fun full
new thoughts and ideas. II I'm kept in the old
orthodox straight jacket shall bust. Besides,
Pm planted. They can't root me out. have
among my members all Old Guard aud Young
one, who will stick BY me through thick and
thin. 1'yeas good right to say mysay as Calvin
had to say his say some time ago. l don't pro-
puse to secede from Presbyteriauism, out It
PrcsDyterianisn secedes from me shall run
my church alone have the popularity, and
Brothers Bluclight and Oldstyle have the old
creed. aly stock in trace pays the best
Later-l have i new novelty in preparation,
being collection OF live animals for Scrip
tural menagerie. The church is to be extended
in the rear so that the menagerie shall be To-
Gated behind the pulpit. 1t will embrace Ious,
tigers, elephants, and snakes,-everything, in
fact, mentioned IN Scripture | have long felt
the need OF g good active snake to Illustrate
sermon on the fail of man. The monkeys will
afford powerful and lively arguments against
Darwinism.
StaL Later--rhe aquarium will succeed the
menagere. We have d tank for the whale
already built. Other novelties In preparation.