The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-06-18
Wit and Humor.

A fat dog lying on front stoop is a
good boarding house advertisement.
# They have had fourteen elopements
within year at Akron. 1t is becoming
Akronic evil there.
An lrishman who was trihe eight
headed said he had "pulled more at the
Cork than he could Kerry" "
When COW kicked man to death
IN Ohio last week, mule stood bv and
laughed himself to fits.
When the little frog was scooped up
from the spring he found himself within
the pail of civilization.
Lettuce is in market, Also three
new and handsome styles of bilious pills
OF very analytical tendency.
The Lewiston Gazette knows . tid-
dler who 'draws the hairs of the equine
over the intestines of the feline in most
mastery manner
The Cleveland Voice makes this re-
ply to a scientific inquirer: "You are
worng; trachine do not, infect pig-iron:
you can continue to eat the latter with
impunity.'' .@f-'.1. BIT
William Augustus to sleepy room
mate: "Come John Henry, WHY don't
you get up with the lark, as do?" John
Henry, grimly: ''Been up with him all
night" E... - IT, g.. ..
The newest dining tables are uuare.
the round extension table being unfash-
ionable. The new style is more appro
pirate for square meal"
II Free kirk elder preparatory to pre-
senting tracD: "My friend, do YOU
know the chief end of man?n Piper
Cnnocently): Ma, didna mind the
chune; can ye no whustle it,"
why asks the Wheeling Leader,
'sdon't some one write song on the first
fly of summer" Because the hv wont
hold still long enough for any one to
write song on it.
There are men in this country who
know something about the size of world
like this, but there are plenty of others
who imagine the world contracts to an
acre lot every time they 60 to bed.-Free
Press.
The hens in Fair Haven have such free
access to oyster shells, shell lime, etc.,
that a cold chisel is needed to chip the
way from the outside of their eggs to the
yolk. This is not hard boiled story
Neao Hauen REGISTER.
The time is near at hand when a glass
| OF water, favored with .OOOOO1 cents
worth Of lemon extract, and impregnated
| with 100000 cents worth of carbonic acid
gas, is to fetch 10 cents at the druggists
contradictory City Journal. 80,
A public lecturer fell on the stage in In
diana last week and the audience Kissed
him, believing him to be intoxicated: but
when 1t was announced that the man was
dead the audience repented its hasty CEN
sure, and then the applause was deafcn-
ing. .@#tt. 1887
The compositor who was told he might,
when setting up speech, insert cloud ap-
plause' or ''cheers" in order to fill out the
line, was summarily discharged when he
made the application general, and set up
| an obituary notice as follows: The an
nouncement was made yesterday that our
highly respected citizen, Mr.-,fell dead
in the street. Loud applause, etc.l."
A clergyman of an original turn of
mind in passing by parishioner's shop,
and, IN order to emphasize great moral
lesson. bounds suddenly IN, crying,
"Boo!' Naturally, the parishione, starts.
"You did not expect to have NE call2"
i did not, by a blessed sight ''Sup-
| pose had been death-where would YOU
have been?' Chaw on that" and the
excellent Clergyman vahishes.
On recent trip of one of the steamers
running to San Francisco bread was served
at dinner one day which tasted strongly
of coal oil, The captain afterward asked
the baker if he did not know that kerosene
had got into the -four. He admitted that
he did. ::Why didn't you feed the flour
to the chickens, then, was asked. 'sOh.''
he replied, Il was afraid it would kill
'em."
! Two old Texas rangers who had lust
helped to bury a neighbor were talking
about religion, and one asked the other
how pious he thought it was possible for
a man to get in this world, if he was in
real earnest: sWa'al,' said the other re-
t1ectiyely,. Il think ETA man gets sot he
can swop steers or trade horses without
lynn at he better pull out for the better
land afore he has a relap.',
A good colorcd man once said in a class
| A1ANSsAASo DASoASA, WIKI W IDS Il 10Y L
took Ratchet into the woods. / When I
found a tree that was straight, big. and
solid, didn't touch that tree, but when
l found one leaning a little and hollow
inside, soon had him down. So when
de dibbil get after Christians, he don't
touch dem dat stand straight and true.
| but dem dat lean a little, and are
hollow inside .... 1851 ~
! Physician, who has Just examined an
Irishman's lungs: s'There seems to be
some trouble here-pneumonia, or some
thing of that sort; have you ever expecto-
rated blood?'' Irishman: "Och, YES sirr'
Physician: How long agog" Irishman:
about eight years. Physician: ''Did
you feel sickan ''Irishman, "Och, 1 did
that Physician: s'what was the mat
teri lrishman: ~ had tooth pulled"
4"You don't seem to have made much
moneyby bringing your hogs down here"
was the casual remark of "a bystander to a
speculative agriculturalist, who had driv-
en- his hogs seven miles to the market
town and sold them for precisely what
was offered him before he left home.
ssWell, no, = said the agriculturalist, pen
siyely. IT haint made no money hut