The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-09-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

Docs are travelling on their muzzle
now.
A STICK in time saves nine boys out
of ten.
A DEALER in futures A professional
clairvoyant.
A CAMDEN chap calls his watch-chain
Music, because it has charms.
FIRST come, first surfed," is the
bathing house rule at Coney island.
MEMBERS of the Can't Getaway Club
wear sort of durn-yer resort express
sion.
The man who finds q pocketbook
with cash in it does not look at a paper
for three weeks.
WHAT is an island? A body sur
rounded by water. Give an example.
A boy in swimming.
IT is strangely singular how much the
boy with pair of new suspenders hates
to wear coat.
A NEBRASKA belle is engaged to marry
a Mr.. Lemon. He has promised to be
her Lemon aid.
A KEoKUK boy has named his dog
Rome, so that by simply twisting the
animals tail he can make Rome howl
Why" asks newspaper, sis in
toxlcatlon so common in summer?"
Because it's sot weather we suppose.
A DEAD snake can be brought to life
with pint of whisky. You drink the
whisky, and then look at the snake.
ALFRED-Your poem must be laid
over, having some minor defects. For
instance, gorge does not rhyme with
morgue.
The fellow who dropped into chair
containing tack has been uneasy ever
since, and now sits down on the install
ment plan.
TALK about the jaws of DEATH" ex-
claimed man who had termagant
wife, tell you they are nothing to the
jaws of life"
"THE more shirtee Mclean man get
washee, more money Chinaman makee."
laundryman translates Cleanliness is
next to goodness"
PARDON me-" said Bob, when Ii
stepped on the girls foot in the dance.
Don't apologize" said she; "beaux on
the shoes are fashionable, and we can
stand anything for style.'
"IF you want pug-dog, madam,
what is pug" said dog-fancier to a
would-be purchaser, "this here ones
the dog. Why, his nose is just a-turnin'
somersets atween his ears all the time"
WHAT we want now" commenced q
confused and timid speaker at meet
ing OF debating society, "is-is--not
NOT so much what we don't want as
that which we most require" His hear
ers agreed with him.
WHAT shall I leave You when I
die? said an insipid fellow to a young
lady whose patience he had exhausted.
Needn't wait till you die" said she:
you can leave something now, if you
will" What shall L leave?" he
asked. Leave yourself" she replied.
He left.
"YoU love me?" echoed the fair Young
creature, as her pretty head oiled the
collar OF his summer suit Eyes" he
said, tenderly, "you are my own and
only" "Hush!" she interrupted,
don't say that-be original. That
sounds too much like Barnum's show
bills"
AT Saratoga: She introduced Mr..
Peters to all her circle, and when her
daughter Kate sweetly hsped "Mithter
Peters y he softly said: "Why don't you
call me Petep ooh, not on SO short AN
acquaintance" she blushingly replied.
" But" said he my name is Peet. not
Peters"
A New YORK lady writes: eff
could have my way, every smoker should
marry smoker, or live alone forever"
Now, do you know that would be rather
nice idea-matrimonial smoke, as it
were-one pipe with but single blast,
two stems that smoke as one. Smoking
girls DESTROYS of getting married will
please mention the particular brand of
tobacco they affect.
In one of the primary schools of ga
EN-, Mass, a teacher was endeayor;ng IN
ascertain the extent of her children's
knowledge OF numbers. The question
1eing asked: Would you rather have
hree paper bags with two oranges in
Zach, or two bags with three oranges in
'ach?" all but one little fellow ex-
PRESSED themselves as without prefer
nee; The teacher asked this pupil for
lis decision, but he was persistent in
lis liking for three bags with two or
nges In each, his reason, when finally
1ven, being: So 1 could have more
ags to bust"
GAME OF COURTESY.
bashful lover tried 10 WOO
maiden fair and slender.
She trfed at the interview
And scorned his accents tender
Said he, aside: II will invent
little necromancy:
I'll launch at her q compliment
To try and catch her fancy
Quoth she. with careless unconcern.
Your words they may be true sir:
wish that could make return
And say the same Of you sir.-
"Oh! you can do that very well.
And do IL now-provided
That you make up your mind 10 tell
As big lie - did,