The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-10-04
PASSING SMILES.

And quickly she swallowed the pills she bad found,
But soon she was grieying,
Her stomach was heaving
| And she was so i'll that she could not get round,
| Her spouse posted off for a doctor in haste
Thirty dollars his bill-but fas pills didn't 'ras.e
--New York People,
THE most numerous see-serpents-
Jim-jams.
The house-builders scaffolding is a
put-up job.
Is the knot In the porker's tail pigs
tye2
SOME men pay attention who never
pay anything else.
| ApHoRIsM by perfectly reckless belle:
BE hirtuous and you will be happy"
FISHES are hard-hearted things; we
all know that fishes spawn their young.
GOVT on Ay"-as the affectionate
husband said when his wife jumped out
of the window.
If your wife object to kissing you be-
cause you smoke, simply remark that you
know some girl who will That settles it.
THE difference between a woman and
an umbrella is, that there are times
when one can shut up an umbrella.
IT doesn't do any good to swear, but
YOU can't make man believe it, when
he gets up in the morning and finds his
dog has chawed hole in his boot.
AFTER man, came women, and after
woman the ID That doesn't sound
very elegant, but then there is lots Of
truth in it.
"BEAUTy and booty" says White
hall young man, :" is all right, except
when the daughters beauty is accom-
panied by the old gentleman's bootee."
STATISTICS prove that women's teeth
decay at an earlier age than mems, which
conclusively proves that spruce gum is
more injurious than tobacco.
M
Rochester Express. We can knock the
! spots out of the above
F. y t i m e.
"DoN'T you think" said husband
in mild form of rebuke to his wife,
"that women are possessed by the devil?'
eyes" was the quick reply, Gas soon
as they are married"
A MAN who will coolly stand by and
lamp-post with his night-key to the
| ITOlb uOOIt WAS Duilb vi lufbD lOulud-
ton, and needs overhauling.
THEY told the old man his girl was
keeping a milliner store, and when he
went home and told it, all the neighbors
wondered what she kept mill in her
store for
"DoN'T be afraid to praise your SER
wants when they deserve it," remarks an
exchanges but the minute the husband
tries that on the hired girl she has to
hunt for another situation.
LORD BEAcoNsFIELD frequently starts
in his sleep haunted by massacred officers
and weeping widows, and shrieks out:
Hencel horrible shadow, unreal mock
cry, hencep but they don't hence.
He asked her: "Going awayT Eyes;
going to the sea baths" "What! in
such chilly weather as this? You will.
never go into the water% ooh, yes l
will; Pm all fixed up for that" "Really~
Eyes; I've had all my bathing dresses
trimmed with fur"
BOY, dom you know any better than
to be lettering around the streets in this
way on this beautiful Sabbath dayT'
said Sunday teacher on his way
to his Bible class. "Oh, my eye, guess
! do, sir; I'm goin' fishin' just as soon as
the other fellows come along" exclaimed
the young hopeful.
A LITTLE girl, while out for her after
noon walk, saw pompus-looking man
strutting down the street. With child
like simplicity the little thing ran up to
him, touching him'lightly on the arm
and said: Excuse me, sir, but are you
anybody particular
=" Pm ruta-baga, and here's where l
plant myself" said tramp as he en-
tered farmhouse near Freeport, ILL.,,
and seated himself at the table. We
alters bile ours" said the farmers wife,
and soused him with dishpanful of
boiling water.
, 81 AIM at the elucidation of the In
} comprehensive" said Rev. 10. Cook to
} Dennis Kearney. "Give me your hand,
give me your hand" cried the agitator,
, with enthusiasm. 81 don't know what
, you mean, but if you are not bloated
bondholder you must be right"
SAYS an exchange We oppose
woman's rights, and we have a good
reason for it, too. If women were rum
ming for the legislature, and our land
lady should be elected, we are afraid
that her first bill presented would be our
board bill
"DoN'T be cast down, my poor wo-
man, said a peripatctic philanthropist to
5 a native of the Green Isle in the midst
Q of squalor and wretchedness; you may
0 yet get ahead in the world" "Ahead is
9 itT' was the quick retort, "and shure if
= / cud get head of cabbage for himself,
0 and brid and petaties for the childers, it
q wud be all I'd ak"
0 edward" said Mr.. Rice, "what do
hear, that you have disobeyed your
, grandmother, who told you just now not
l to Jump down these stepsT Grandma
didn't tell us not to, papa; she only came
, to the door and said, / wouldn't jump
down those steps, boys and l shouldn't
think she would, an old lady like her!'
A ST. LOUIS doctor, speaking Of hi
. wife, says: I" / don't love her; have
: never had kind word from her fol
4 years. When / come in from my prac
r tice l want pleasant face and kind
0 word. 1t isn't the woman's fault, sup
o pose. God Almighty himself couldn1t
b live with her, and He made her." Had
+ the doctor no hand himself in making
9 her what she is?
J. SINGULAR, but married man in
q street car can see the look Of pretty
q anxiety come over q pretty girls race
i, clear at the other end OF the car the mo