The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-05-30
WitticfsIns.

Dead men tell no tales, but dead walls
are well posted.
man with creaky pair of boots has
music in his sole.
] What length ought lady's crinoline
be? A little above two feet. ~
The contemplative doctor strolls about
the cemetery and sees his patients on a
monument.
Mrs. Partington says that her minister
preached about "the parody of the prob
able son.
Young man, you should be mighty
careful who you kiss. There's danger of
catching eresip-a-lass.
The right kind of man will always
have his life insured. It gives his wife's
second husband start.
To be interesting a speaker should be
full OF his subject, unless he happens to
be speaking against liquor.
Lit is when woman tries to whistle that.
the great glory of her mouth is seen with
out being heard very much.
| Ii S O u spells sue, and e spells
l, and 6 d spells side, why doesn't
uxeyesi 6 h spell suicide
The woman who glances under the bed
| at night before retiring, evidently has in
mind the proverb: "Look before you
Sleep"
little girl, on looking at a picture of
ship IN a thunderstorm, remarked that
God was sticking crooked pins into the
bad men,"
Bald heads are often called billiard
balls. The resemblance ceases when a
billiard ball is moving, for then it is not
ball dead.
q. q. Mic says that the conduit through
which flows the political refuse of the day
is unquestionably sewer generous Yon-
kers Gazette.
Wouldn't you rather lose seven dollars
and half than go up stairs in the dark
and lind the top stair one lower than you
thought it was
An old lady being asked to subscribe
to newspaper declined on the ground
that when she wanted news she manufac-
tured it herself.
Akron, o., has had fourteen elopements
within year, and married men there are
taking the precaution at night to chain
their wives to the bed-post.
Since the war everything has gone
down, except the price of postage-stamps.
Where are the newspapers that do the
notlonal fault-fnding ?--,St. Louis Spirit.
A white man at the breech and hold of
the trigger, and colored man at the
muzzle with his hands tied behind him
illustrates the fair play and "no intimi-
dation in the South.
Remember, now," said an Indiana
bride at the altar, Eve have separated
and been remarked four times, and about
once more will convince me that we can
rever live happily together" !" -
Ihe pedestrian who walks 500 miles in
SIX days never travels faster than q boy
does when he is dispatched to the cellar
for scuttle of coal while q circus
pageant is passing the house.
Mother-in-law holding the screaming
baby" Dear little darlin'! How it looks
like papa now !" Papa wonders how tits
that his wife's mother always compares
the baby to him when it is crying and
not at other times.)
A bright boy was walking along the
street with his mother, and. observing q
man with peculiar hitch in his gait ap-
preaching, he drolly exclaimed 6 Look
there, Mamma See how that poor man
suffers with his feet /"
How is your wifes health ?" said one
teacher to another &C Is
she well ?" Well? Hardly ever" was
the response. The questioner gazed stern
ly at the questioned, but, finding he
meant it, put up his revolver.
There are two brothers on West Hill
who look SO much alike they cannot tell
each other apart, and one day last week,
when John was raging like volcano with
the tooth-ache. Henry went down to DIR.
and had six teeth pulled.
We call the attention of tramps to a
fact to which we invite the attention of
tramps, that tramp has struck mine
in Nevada which yields him an income of
81, 900 day. We call to this fact the at
tention of tramps.-N. Y. Graphic.
Ladies wear gentlemen's scarf-pins as
well as their collars, coats, vest and
but no! only few married women wear
the -ahem II Buffalo EUery iSatatr-
1dy. Will you please name q woman
that doesn't wear hem-several of them?
When the barber's keen, cold razor is
being waited around ones throat, and the
germ of a sneeze begins creeping up his
nose, he cares naught for the fate of ma
ions, the greenback idea, nor anything
else, only to get the barber as far away as
oOSSible