The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-04-04
PeddIerss Adventure.

When the peddler rang Mr.. Birds door
bell the other day Mr. Bird himself opened
the door. Mr.. Bird had the baby upon his
arm, and there were four other children at
his heels.
els the lady of the house in?" asked the
peddler.
"Certainly she isn't" replied Bird.
6 She is out She is perennially and eter-
fially out -
Where can 1 see her? ?"
sfWhy, go down to the Woman Suffrage
club-room and if she isn't there, go to the
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Animals and if she isn't there, visit the
hall of the Association for Alleviating the
Miseries of the Senegambians and if she
has finished up there, look for her at the
Church Aid Society, or at the Ninth Ward
Soup-heuse, or at the Home of the One
Legged, or at the Refuge for Infirm Dogs,
or at the Hospital for the Asthmatic, or at
the st. Polycarp Orphan Asylum, or at some
of these places. If you get on her track.
you'll see more pal1per and strong minded
women and underclothing for the heather
than you ever saw in the whole course of
your life"
&c l wanted to sell her cold handled fiat
iron, just out. Do you think she will buy
one ?"
"She will if you can prove that the naked
cannibals in Senagambia are yearning for
cold-handled fat-irons. She would buy dia-
mond breastpins for those niggers, if they
wanted them, believe"
's I intended, also, to offer her new kind
of immovable hairpin, which"
''All right. You just go down to the
Home for the One-Legged, and persuade
those cripples to cry for immovable hair
pins, and she'll order 'em by the ton"
IS Has she any children?,"
'sWell, I'm the one that appears to have
'em just now, anyhow"
Because [ have a gum-top for a feeding
bottle that is just the incest thing you ever
saw"
:" Now" said MIR. Bird, "Ill tell you
what to do. You get those paupers to
swear they can't eat the soup they get at
the soup-house with spoons they must have
it from bottles with rubber nozzle, and
Mrs. Bird will keep you SO busy supplying
sleep. You just try 1t. Buy up the pau
pers Bribe 'em.'
Sc How'll I know her if I see her ?"
"Why, she's a very large woman with
bent nose, and she talks all the time
You'll hear her talking as you get within a
mile of her. She'll ask you to subscribe to
the Senegambian fund and to the Asthmatic
Asylum before you can get your breath.
Probably she'll read you four or five letters
from reformed cannibals. But don't you
mind 'em. My opinion is that she wrote
'em herself. 1t don't make any difference,
but you might mention that since she left
home the baby has had four fits. Johnny
has fallen out of the pear tree and broken
his skull, Mary and Jim have something like
Group, and Tommy has been bitten by
Jones dog. 1t don't excite her. She won't
care cent; but I'd like her to have the lat
est news. Tell her if she can manage to drop
in here for a minute between now and the
Fourth of July she might maybe wash the
baby and give the other children chance to
remember how she looks. But she needn't
come if it will interfere with the happiness
of the one-legged mendicants, or make asth-
matte patients miserable. Mind and men
tion it to her now, will YOU"
81 will"
"All right; then I'll 60 in and put some
fresh sticking plaster on Johnnys skull !"
And with baby singing a vociferous solo,
and the other children clinging to his leg,
Mr.. Bird retreated and shut the door. The
.peddler had determined to propose to girl
that night. He changed his mind, and re-
solved to remain bachelor.-C Cincinnati