Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-06-06
Hawk-Eyetems.

aWOke, 6Ometnlng n0O 8naWod one OF
his ears of. And how the local papers
ever held back from heading their &C.
counts, " Missed Earious Affair."" is q
mystery to us.
Greatness and usefulness in this
world, little man, does not depend on
size. The smallest thing about mans
trousers is the suspender button. But
just let it snap off while he is present
ing his respects to his hostess at an even
ing party. An ulster that would fit
Goliath wouldn't cover his confusion.
cit is bliss" remarked some love-
lorn dreamer, "to take lessons in love,
because woman is our teacher" Well,
but there must be some other reason
than that for the bliss, because woman
is also our teacher in the art OF dressing
the baby, but is the same degtso Of
bliss likewise appatent also in that, all
the same?
"Come, gentle spring." sang the
poet. And she came gentle oh, yes,
awful gentle laundering gentle, 80 to
speak. She came AZ gentle as brin,lle
mule with jimson bur under its crup-
per. Oh, yes, she "come gentle" If
she comes just as gentle for one or two
seasons more, there won't be enough of
this country left to raise half crop of
dog fennel in.
LIGHTNING BENEFITS.
When I boarded the train at New
York yesterday morning, man said to
me
Big thing, this telegraph"
"Yes, l said, it was big as grape
vine"
mo jocking," lie said. 81 came
here to New York yesterday, one hun
bred miles out OF my way to see u man.
When got here. went to the St. Nicho-
las, and when was ready to go out and
see my man, by jocks, stranger, I had
lost his address, and by George, l
couldn't think of his name even. And
his last name WAS only johnson. Easy
name to hunt for, Ell? was left. You
know what it is to find anybody in New
York when you don't know their ad
dress. 1t is worse than finding an hon
est man. Well, this man was a new
conner here name wasn't in the direc-
tory. Iasked questions until made q
fool of myself.
"Then 1 said to the telegraph opera.
tor at the st. Nicholas
It'll keep me here week. I've got
TO write clear to st. Louis to get that
mans address"
Telegraph, the operator said.
Well, never thought of that be-
fore. l wrote dispatch right away:
q" To Gettit & Keapit, brokers, St..
Louis What is our man Johnson's first
name, and what's his address?
And in due course the answer came
back:
"'James P, st. Nicholas hotel.
"What you think of that, stranger
went to the clerk and said
Is Mr.. james p. johnson in his
room?
"'That is Mr.. James p. johnson,
said the clerk.
1.-The man stranger was standing be-
side me, waiting for me to move so that
he could speak to the clerk. And had
just sent one thousand and sixty.four
miles to find where he was. Funny,
stranger, want it Performing Robert.
APRIL.
The month OF April is the seventh
month of the year. It was originally
the thirteenth, but in 1902, Augustus
Caesar changed the calendar because he
had note to meet in the middle of the
month, and didn't have q cent to pay it
with, and so he dropped that month out
entirely, and April thus became the
third month, as it now is. It was named
after Aprilis, the god of spring, who
used to get up on the last day of March,
and taking paint.pot and o marking
brush, 60 around the country painting
Latin notices and moral precepts and
bursts of poetry on the rocks and trees,
among others, the following gems which
have come down to our own day:
Takibus liverimus correctore for
the Bloodibus."
49,. Dulse e! ct d. ducoram est to take rye
Honey, tar, rumque cano, for colds
and coughs"
"Nox populi pro Bolus's corn pilas-
ter est"
Gissipius w. Achates, ear and lung
doctor"
cents hume"
In hoo cough syrup vinces. Sign
of the big mortar"
"Try Browns magic lotion for fres.
kles."
Now, thousands of people used to
read these things, and they actually be-
lieved them and tried them on. They
all died miserably, and were called
among men, "April's FOOLS" This is
tho origin of custom that has lasted
even unto our time. The cussed EN- is
most vigorously observed by the man
who kicks the hat full of bricks.
The motto of April is DUN eripuit,
erump," which means, "Do not go out
Of the house without an ulster, a duster,
a chest-protector, and palm-leaf fan"
It is q month devoted to and by the
immortal gods set apart for weather,
and sometimes in good April, that
understands its business and can get
up and bristle around, there are eight
kinds of climate in one day.
The jewel of April is the sardonyx,
and it is said by people who have stud.
led meterology ever since the time OF
Augustus to be the sardonickest month
in the whole lot. The Fourth of July
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