Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-01-09
Miscellaneous Items.
No bird is actually On the wing. TIL
who's are On the bird d. ~ a. -.

| No bird is actually on the wing. TIL
wings are on the bird. IT,
"Take away women" asks writer
"and what would follow2T. We would
Give US something harder next time.
It is said that Joaquin Miller is gettin!
to be less of an ass than he used to be
He has had his hair shingled and ha
taken bath.
A German having lost his only son, wa
unable to account for the cause of hi
death, as he Was ''youst so fat as butter
rand had such big feet. - Elmira, ". Y
Advertiser. 49,,
doesn't Boston harbo: remind you o
the Bay Of Naples?" asked an enthusi
{ astic yachtman. "Yes," was the answer
lat least in one respect. They are botl
full of water'
Bigoted.-"You bigoted nigger," sale
Sam to Pete. Biqoted, what you mean by
dat2" asked Pete. 'Why," replied Sam
"6igoted means you know too much io1
one niger, and not huff for two"
Square umbrellas are reported as the
latest thing in Paris. That's nothing
We have been useing square umbrellas 8
long time, at least they are never round
when wanted-Rome Sentinel.
An lnveterate wag, seeing a heavy door
nearly off its hinges, in which condition
of neglect it had been for some time oh
served, that when 1t had fallen and killed
some one, it would probably be hung.
A good character ish pretty much del
same to man ash goot umbrella. Ven
larg clouds threaten over his head, all
he ish got to do vas to hold him up. and
der storm bases over, he is none der
worse.
One time lion met an elephant and
the elephant sed: s.You better 90 and get
your hair cut" But the lion sed: "Bah! /
shant resent feller's insult witch has got
his nose tween his own teeths. ''--LittLt
Jo7tnny.
''Be ever ready to acknowledge favor, u
says writer. We are, sir; we are. What
troubles us is that on one side we are
completely loaded down with readiness,
while on the other side opportunity is
painfully scarce.
Jones,the man who was recently tarred
and feathered in Reno, Cal, spends most
of his time in reading the hotel registers
in San Francisco. He carries two load
ed revolvers ana will talk with nobody.
It is surmised that he is insane.
A sort of crazy Jack Cade was lately
before a London magistrate. He said he
was King of his own right, and when
he got his kingdom every gentleman that
was gentleman should have title, and
all the money should be divided 80 that
all might share alike.
Mrs. Clarke defeated her ''5hakespeare
Proverbs" to Jerrcld in the following
words: ITO Douglas Jerrold, the first wit
Of the present age, these Proverbs of
Shakespeare, the first wit of any age, are
inscribed by Mary Cowden Clarke, of a
certain age and no wit at all"
DO you mean to say, positively, mad
am" said lawyer to witness, "that the
person referred to never left his native
village after the day ofhis marriage?'"I
do" "How do you know he never did,"
because saw him buried in the wi.
lage graveyard the same afternoon
An inquisitive country gentleman thus
accosted boy who was tending pigs;
"Boy, whose pigs are tnost % "The
sow's sir" was the prompt reply. "Well,
then, whose SOW is it," "Father's." "Well
we'll, who is your father?" eff you will
mind the pigs, 1 will run home ana ask
nv mother"
At the funeral Of once-famous actor
in New York, some time ago, considera-
bic delay was occasioned by the fact that
the coffin would not fit in the sides
Of the hearse. Another hearse was
brought, and brother actor remarked,
"You might know this was poor B. 3 fun
eral. He was always late at rehearsal.'
Before beginning the second pslam for
the day, Glasgow minister reached
down into bis pocket and took pinch of
snuff. Even yet he cannot understand
what there was in the first verse. of the
psalm to make the congregation smile
when he read, "hy soul cleaveth to the
! dust"
How much will you charge for a DO
logna sausage that shall reach from ono
Of my ears to the other2' asked soldier
IN Berlin of dealer. "Fifty kreutzers,
was the reply. II take the Offer" replied
the soldier: tone of my ears was cut of
in battle thousand miles from here
There was compromise.--ErcId1.gs.
A newly-wedded Pennsylvania couple
visited Pittsburg, and for the first time
intheir lives SAW and bought some pea
nuts. 'There, Mandyv' exclaimed the
bridegroom, after few moments of We
hement action. 81 knowed we'd be sold
I've been suckin' that darned thing FOL
five minutes, and there amt bit of juice
in it. Come on, let's CO."
A West Hill man painted a ferociou:
looking sign, look out for the dog
and put it up in his front yard to scare
away tramps. The next morning ,
tramp with bad smile, shoulders like {
load Of hay, club with death smiling GU
of every knot oft, raped at the from
door, demanded some hot biscuit, meat
potatoes and cup of coffee, and asked
pleasantly, "How is the dog?"
A Germantown bachelor, being twitteC
by some ladies with his single state, ant
asked why it was he had never married
said:
II don't know exactly how it is. but
have always felt an indisposition to mar
rage, I can't see why it should be, either
surely don't inherit it. for my father anl
mother were both married"
And he actually never saw the bull ht
had perpetrated till his hearers burst gu
laug hing at him.
tits written in fine female band. IT.
poem, and asks: "What was the dream
Of your live2" It was signed "Elfrida.'
We haven't room for the poem, but JUS
to quiet Efrida we wilt answer her con
undrum. The dream of our life has beer
to be rich enough to put on clean shir
every day, and to have two suits o.
clothes, with a pair of suspenders to eact
pair of pants. But it has never beer
realized, Elfrida. Castles in the air.
KeOkuk Constitution. -~.~.-
To some pungent remarks Of profes
sional brother, Western lawyer bega1
his reply as follows: "May it please Thu
court: Resting upon the couch OF repub
lican equality as do, covered with tn,
blanket Of constitutional panoply as l an
and protected by the @gis of America,
liberty as feel myself to be, despis'