Litchfield enquirer., 1879-11-27
CLIPPINGS.

CLIPPINGS. pz i askas@ --a8s ss asl 1There are noloafers in a beehive, orAdead- beats in paradise. An aged bachelor says there is no sadder eight than sane woman with banged hair Caesar burned his bridges behind him, and that is what the man did who sat down on a hot stove.- s- 7s sv ~ &+.+
 A cotenlporary speaks of it's tscorpse"f or contributors. The intelligent ,compositor should be added to them. * @@A =
 Should the people of Leadville ever run short of bullet material, they might start crematory and sift the ashes.
 It is said the foundation of the meanest man is made when a small boy turns the wormhole of his apple for another boy to bite. ,H E American protestants have given four col ;leges to Turkey. : and it will soon be in sea- son for them to give four turkeys to colleges.
 When Artemus Ward was exhibiting his show in Salt Lake City his complimentary tickets to the city officers read as follows; "Ad nit bearer and one wife"
 ''Single man, sir ?" asked the lawyer as the witness took his place ssYes sir, was the reply Lawyer "Wife living?" Confusion and rapid explanations. a-f.f. ..t 1
 The woman who is exceedingly sweet to ones face and is very bitter behind ones back may be sad to bear false sweetness against her neighbor.
 The Paris Temps describing ''Pnafore," says: "A sort of old she-sutler greatly anuses the public by singing everywhere Farewell my One'-or I cali myself the little buttercup."
 No, George Augustus, .''trousseau" is not the French for trousers It is the French for more things than you could learn the names of in month. Get married and you will know more about it.
 ''How far is it to Cub Creek 2" asked trav- eller of Dutch woman. '' Only shoost little vays." :.'Is it four, six, eight or ten miles?" impatently asked the stranger ''Yes dinks it is," serenely replied the unmoVed gate keeper. Il .- z
 During school inspection at town in Staf- fordshire where some Mormons had been lect- uring the inspector asked the boys why man should have only one wife. Because no man can serve two masters, was the prompt reply.
 How to live on two dollars a week and save money-Get married and '"sponge" on your wife's parents. One dollar and seventy five cents will keep you in cigars and beer, and the other twenty five cents you can put away for rainy day. -.
 Thou gay -plumed bird, with gorgeous, fan-like Doth fit around the barn-yard like vessels
 sail.
 Whose warning squawk is heard on pleasant
 days and murky, We think of thee, and how we long to eat thee,
 lovely turkey!
 Flinging an old shoe after the bride is a very pretty custom, says an exchange. Yes; there is nothing objectionable in it. But this prac- tice of fiinging heavy boot containing the foot of the girls father afte: would-be bride groom is despicabie fashion.
 "Talking about downright, bull-headed luck" said old Buffers, the other day, "why, that fellow, Blivens. beats anyone 1 ever heard of." "How's that?" said the barkeeper. 'tWhy, the other day his tailor ran away with his wife. Just think of 1.-two ten strikes ill a single day"
 The subject of conversation at an evening entertainment was the intelligence of animals, particularly of dogs Says Smith: "There  ters. 'Just SO, responds young Fitznoodely, 'Tve got that very kind of dog myself.
 Strong minded wife; "Eh, Jeames, you are great on languages; what is the difference be- tween exported and transported ?" Submis- | sive husband "Why, my dear, if you should go to Europe in the Bothnia you would be ex- | ported, and well! should be transported" It is related that Yankee who had just lost U,lt "a xUa hy ,fx,ih G | bowl of soup as large as hand basin. "Why, i my goodness, Elanthus !" said the gossip, lis that all you care for your wife?" Wal" said the Yankee, '1ve been cryin' all the mornin', and after finish my soup I'll cry another.spell. That's fair, anyhow"
 A woman who had buried four husbands was sadly contemplating their pictures. | "Your poor father is in heaven, hope," she said to her little five year old.
 (Which one, mamma p inquired the little | innocent .. l "Why, your own, own dear father" | And are all the others burned up" | The mother didn't answer the conundrum. A young maiden walking with her lover in the park in the early spring poetically remark ed how delightful it was to see the trees omit ting. The dull swain didn't seem to compre- bend her. and she had to explain to him that she meant, in plain prose, that they were leav: ing out.
 Whenever you see hobby girl In an awful nice silk dress | sailing down the Avenue Looking too sweet to bless; | You can't most always sometimes tell | Unless you happen to know her,
 But that her tired old mother
 Is home scrubbing the floor. l
 A Sensation Scene. ne.-Cook: sIf you plase. mum, which Ann an me 'av' lad haccident and broke two teacups" Rising China Mani ac (only just beginning to get up collection): 'Two teacups! What teacups?' Cook: | 'Oh, not them as master gave ten shillIngs a set for. Only them two cracked ones as was on the parlor mantelpiece.'
 l It is we'll to look at all sides of subject be- fore you indulge in an opinion. Curran once said to Father Leary: II wish reverend father, that yon were St. Peter and had the ln." The shrewd and witty priest saw tno sarcasm, and turned it's sharp edge on the skeptic by replying, "By my honor and con- science, SIT, it would be better for you that had the keys of the other place, for then I could let you out.
 The Pekin Gazette is nearly five hundred years old. and every now and then an old man hobbies into the office and pays years sub- scription with the remark that he has been a subscriber ever since the first number was printed. The clerk, without betraying any surprise as he hands him receipt, ''Yes, we l have several names on our list Who have been subscribers from the start" Then the old man goes out muttering something about this l world being full of liars. s.~.~.
 Joseph Cook began recent lecture in the | SOnth xuifh