The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-05-03
THIS AND THAT,

AhAS AND INATs
1.-THE head men of the world are those
who think. Exchange. Mistake; there is
2OO-pounds editor in Mauch Chunk who
thinks.
"A cruel-hearted White Haven-ite says
his wife's bonnet doesn't weigh one-fourth
as much as the money he paid for it.
- Some one suggests that the borough
police throughout this county be vaccinated.
1t is unnecessary, however; they never
catch anything.
1t is suggestive-who is to pay back the
recent sixty days Lent? There is, however,
no interest in the matter.
Why was a mother of one of the old
Peruvian rulers like a piece of rubber? She
was an Inca.raiser.
-"Uneasy rests the head that wears
crown" as Sitting Bull said when he sharp
ened his scalping knife on the sole of his
moccasin.
We put this "Aea" in the car of wives.
Begin now to drain your husbands pockets
in anticipation of a spring and summer bon
net. Without thorough draining, no flowers
can be expected.
Photographer, looking through camera,
to customer--"You look too sober; please
smile" He smiled, and photographer said,
"Not SO much, sir; my instrument is too
small to encompass the opening"
"A son of Siamese Twins is achieving
high honors in an eastern college, which
leads funny man to ask: "Why should
MT he rise? His father was well con
nected."
Twenty years ago." said colored ora
tor, ,"niggers was wuf thouaand dollars a.
piece. Now dey isn't wuftwo dollar doz-
en.-olt's strange how de race is generatin'
and runnin' down."
Instructor, measuring city map-"It is
half mile from the academy for boys to
the seminary for girls" Innocent student,
thoughtfully-"It doesn't seem SO far"
"A telegraph clerk smiled when he gave
a gentleman this message from his wife /:
"Unto us child is born, nine feet long by
two feet wide" But the gentleman under
stood it; he was to buy an illuminated
Christmas motto.
or course, no woman ever did it, but
supposing now, for the sake of argument, as
it were, that woman was to go to church
for the purpose of showing off her new
sacque, would it be sacque-religious, so to
speak?
A gentleman had bad eye, and was
advised to have it taken out in order
to save the other eye. lie took chloroform,
and the doctor. famous specialist, took out
the good eye by mistake. The patient is
blind, and cannot shoot the specialist.
dot Pinafore expression vas a moo
sance," remarked Teutonic gentleman, to
a genial coadjutor. "Auf you tole a weller
something's, he speaks nodng Won blain An
glish aber he say: 'Vot, hardly, some
times neferv Vot kind of language is
dose ?"
A student Of rhetoric, having been as
signed the task of putting speech into the
mouth of Gustavus Adolphus at the moment
of his departure Sweden, began that po-
tentates supposititious remarks; "Gentle-
men, am about to leave you to begin the
thirty years warp
A rich young lady has fallen in love with
and married a Wilkesbarre street car driver.
From the bride and the halter he went to
the altar and the bridal, and the only train
and switch to occupy his mind hereafter
are those belonging to his wife. She takes
him for wheel or whoa, as it were.
They tried to kill a book agent out West
recently. He was robbed, thrown into the
river, knocked Off the cars, tossed from a
high bridge into the river again, and in two
hours he was around with an illustrated
Bible, trying to get subscription from the
head of the attacking party.
A New Yorker, recently in Mauch
Chunk, was boasting that a gentleman in
that city has book in his library, once
owned by Cicero. "Oh, that amt nothing"
retorted bystander, Gin the museum of
Lehigh University they've got the lead pen
Gil that Noah used to check off the animals
that went into the ark"
The following inscription is on a tomb
stone in an English graveyard in India.
"Sacred to the memory Of the Rev.
A. NJ, who spent seventeen years as a mis-
sionary among the Afghans, and translated
the Holy Writ into their language. He was
shot by his attendant. well done, thou
good and faithful servant.'"
An exohage tells of an old farmer who,
having eaten an oyster strew for the first
time, said 81 like the soup pretty well, but
l didn't like them pollywogs." That Ie-
minds us of the little story of the Hoosier,
who uhehed with "Old Hickory" when he
was President. Among other things there
were olives and champagne on the table, of
which the guest partook freely. When the
lunch was about ended Mr. Hoosier re-
marked: "Gineral, that's mighty nice cider
but d--n your pickles"
"A party Of artists and art critics came
to the following conclusion regarding their
dinner That the hash was low in tone
and defective in composition the beer well
drawn, but fat the anatomy of the turkey
strongj the bread too freely handled the
veal raw and cold aud hurried in execution
! the butter strong the coffee weak, except 10
the foreground, aud altogether too much
iuuaste In the bill