Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-05-01
LATE FOR ROGER MCPHERSON.
Mark Twain Apologies for Not Making
aSpeech.

aSpeeeh.
Mark Twain was recently at 8 dinner of
the Stanley Club in Paris, and, being called
upon for speech, is thus reported by the
Continental Gazette: "Mr. Ryan said to
me just now that I'd got to make speech
| said to Mr.. Ryan, The news came too late
to save Roger M'Pherson.' 1t is sad to know
that some things always come too late, and
when look around upon this brilliant assem-
by feel disappointed to think what nice
speech l might have made, what fine topics
| might have found in Paris to speak about
among these historic monuments, the achi-
lecture of Paris, the towers of Notre Dame,
the caves and other ancient things. Then l
might have said something about the objects
of which Paris folks are Literature, art,
medicine, Uhen taking card from his vest
pocket as ii to take a glance at his notes),
and adultery. But the news came too late to
save Roger NJ M'Pherson. Perhaps you are not
as we'll acquainted with Mcpherson as am.
Well, III explain who Mcpherson was.
When we sailed for New York there came
on board a man all baggard-a mere skele-
ton. He wasn't much of man, he wasn't,
and on the voyage we often heard him say to
himself The news came too late to save
Roger McPherson.' got interested, and l
wanted to know about the man, so l asked
him who was Mcpherson, and he said, I'm
| Mcpherson; but the news came too late to
save Roger McPherson.' How too late,' l
! asked. About three weeks too late, he re-
| piled; I'll tell you how it happened: "A
friend of mine died, and they told me l must
take his body on the cars to his parents in
Illinois. | said I'll do it, and they gave me
| a card with the address, and told me to 60
down to the depot and put It on box Id
find there, have the box put on the baggage
car and 60 right on with it to Illinois. I
found the box all right, and nailed the card
on it, and put it on the cars; then went in the
depot and got q sandwich. I was walking
around, eating my sandwich, and passed by
the baggage room, and there was my box,
with young man walking around looking at
it, and he had card in his hand. felt like
going up to that young man and saying
| stranger, that's my corpse" But didn't
l walked on, ate my sandwich, and when l
looked in again the young man was gone; but
there was that card nailed right on that box.
I went and looked on that card. It was d.
rected to Colonel jenkins, Cleveland, Ohio.
So looked in the Car and there was my box
all right. Just before the train started man
came in the bag gage car and laid a lot OF
Limberger cheese down on my box; he didn't
know what was in my box, you know, and
didn't know what was in his paper, but !
found out later. It was an awful cold
night, and after we started the baggage-mas-
ter came in. He was nice fellow, johnson
was, and he said: "A man could freeze to
TIL Lo - oil rirh< On ho
shut all the doors and all the windows, built
a rousine coal fire in the stove; then he took
turns fixing the car and poking the fire, till
began to smell something and feel uncom- |
Portable, 80 moved as far away from my |
corpse as could, and johnson said to me, |
"A friend of yours, did be die lately? This
year, l mean Says l, I'll fix it, so open |
ed window and we took turns breathing the |
fresh air. After while, johnson said, lets |
smoke, think that1l fix it, So we lit our |
cigars and puffed bit, but we got so sick |
that we let 'em 60 out again-it didn't do |
any good. We tried the air again. Says |
johnson, Hes in no trance, is he? There's |
doubt about some people being dead, but
there's no doubt about him, is there? What
did he die OFF, We stopped at station, and
when we started off again with bottle OF dis
injector, and says, I've got something now
thatll fix it, So he sprinkled it all around.
over the box, limberger cheese, and over
everything; but it wouldn't do, the smells
didn't mix well. johnson said, Just think
of it, we've all got to die, all got to come to
this Then we thought we'd move the box
to the other end of tie car; 80 we stopped
over it; took one end and he took the other,
but we couldn't take it far. johnson says,
We'll freeze to death if we stay out on the
platform, we'll die if we stay in here So we
took hold of it again, but johnson, he could
not stand it, he fell right over. l dragged
him out on the platform, and the cold air
soon brought him to, and we went in the car
to get warm. what are you going to do?
asked johnson, and he looked ill. we are
sure to have typhoid fever and half dozen
other fevers We're pizened, we are ! At
last we thought it was better to go out on the
platform. In an hour and half was taken
off that platform stiff, nearly frozen to death.
They put me to bed, and had all them few
ers that johnson spoke about. You see the
thing worked on my mind. It didn't do no
good to learn, three weeks after, that there
had been a mistake-that my corpse had gone
to Colonel Jenkins, Cleveland, and that I'd
taken his box of rifles for decent burial to
Illinois The news came too late to save
Roger McPherson-about three weeks too
]ate.'" Amid roars of applause, Mr.. Twain
closed by saying: when I'm not prepared
to speak. I always apologize, and that's the
reason I've told you SO much about Roger
Mcpherson"
PRoFrssoR GANaRR's scheme to 'freeze
out" yellow fever has not yet been abandoned.
His latest idea is to put Charles Francis
Adams in command of the projected refrig-