Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-01-15

I1UU1OI.
The Last Thing Out-My bed candle.
The prodigal's return-Gold comes to
par.
The day after washing day is one of
sad irony.
Garlic is said to be sovereign remedy
for govt. There is no remedy for gar
lie.
"What rifles 81 country postmistress is
to have a postal card come to the office
written In French Or short hand"
When Shakespear wrote the lines
uneasy lies the head that wears the
crown" he had cast his prophetic eye
in the future and saw how they were
going to bang away at kings in the
nineteenth century. City Derrick.
A physicians little daughter, called
upon for a toast gave: "The health of
papa and mamma and all the world"
But she suddenly corrected the senti-
ment. "Not all the world, for then papa
would have no patients.
Miss Made-up Oldgal: Yes, Hove the
old oak; it is associated with so many
happy hours spent beneath it's shade.
1t carries me back to my childhood,
when when" Young Poodle: When
you-er planted it,
A very dimlnutlve specimen of man
lately solicited the hand of a fine buxom
girl. ooh, no." said the fair but insult
ing lady: II can't think of it for mo.
ment. TIE fact is, John, you are little
fnn n
small to go to church with"
81 wonder, uncle" said little girl
eff men will ever yet live to be five hun
dred or one thousand years old?' mo,
my child" responded the old man,
"that was tried once, and the race grew
so bad that the world had to be
drowned" ......' .s.r..
An old colored preach er in Atlanta,
Ga, was featuring youth Of his fold
about the sin of dancing, when the latter
protested that the Bible plainly said
"There is a time to Dance" yes; dar
am time to Dance" said the dark di-
vine, "and it's when boy gets whip
pin for gwine to a ball"
Squire to new butler )-"I have three
or four clergymen coming to dine with
me tomorrow, Prodgers, and -"
Mr. Prodgers-"'Igh or low, sirY'
Squire-"Weil-I hardly -. But
why do you ask, Prodgers?" MIR. Prodg-
ers-"Well, you see, sir, the Ugh drinks
most wine, and the low eats most Wit
tells, and | must perwide accordin'v-
Punch.
The Princess Louise calls him
'Lorney" in her pleasant mood, but,
when she gets up these cold mornings
to build the fire and finds no kindling-
wood split, she says, "you, John George
Edward Doug lass Sutherland Campbell,
is this what married you into the royal
family for?" Then he wishes he hadn't
forgotten the MISUNDERSTANDING.
A ruralist seated himself at an In
dianapOlis restaurant table the other
day, and began on the bill of fare After
keeping three walters nearly an hour
employed in bringing dishes to him be
called one Of them to him, heaved a
sigh, and whispered, as he spread The
bill Of fare before him and pointed with
his finger: Mister, I've ct to thar and,
moving his finger down the page, "ef it
amt again the rule I'd like to skip from
thar to thai" - Cincinnati Sun.
Bismark to Kaiser William 81
drinks id might be betterish to shtor
dem zocialisda babers dot makes all di:
voolishness, don't II" Yaw Otto
yust sent aroundt ZONE zoldiers to
morrow und CLOSE up dem offices. Der
boobies ist zuch a yet of gonvounded
vools unit idiots dot dey would never
know dey vos boor unit ragged I'M
shtalving, ven dey don't half some edi
tor ash told dem about it, eh?'' H..
An old darkey VINO was asked if, il
| his experience, prayer was ever answer
| ed, replied: "Well, sab, some pra'rs i:
ansud and some -isn't-'pends on wa
you axes for; jest arter the wah. we'er
it was mighty hard scratchin' TO- d.
cul1ed bredden, 'bsarved w'enebber
pway de Lo'd to SEN one O Marse Pey
ton'ssfat turkeys for de ole man, dare
was no notice took ob de partition; bu
but we'en I pway dot he would SEN de
ole man TO- de turkey, de matter was
tended to befo sun up mex mornin'
| dead sartin." . ..as-. ...
Concerning Mr.. Webb Hayes, the
| washington correspondent OF the Her
aid, Of Boston, tells this story: "Mr
Webb Hayes, who has a keen sense O.
humor, astonished his parents and the
friends with them last fall at one of the
largest public receptions held by the
President and Mrs. Hayes in the west
He (the wag of the family while thous
ands were passing up to shake hands
with the couple, pulled his hat dowr
over his face, drew his coat tight around
him, and. falling into line, gravely walk
ed up to his mother, and, taking hel
hand to shake it, as the others did
stood for a moment, and gravely said
in a clear, raised tone, SO that all might
hear, God bless you, madam, for youl
noble adherence to the temperance
cause Mrs. Hayes, though taken I'm.
awares, thanked him gravely, without
any appearance of recognition, and he
passed on with the crowd"