South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-06-13
WIT AND HUMOR

WIT AND NOR.
a drunken Congressman said to Hor.
ace Greeley one day, Il am self-made
man. Then, sir. replied the philoso-
phical Eorace. that relieves the Al
mighty of great responsibility
Grandma perceives her hopeful grand.
son at the window, with watering pot
sprinkling the heads of the passers-by
below. Child alive, what are YOU do.
ing!" exclaims the old lady. "I'm play.
ing God, grandma, and now I'm making
it rain"
Twenty years ago." said a colored
philosopher, Triggers was wuf thousand
dollas apiece. Now dey would be deah
at two dollars a dozen. It's 'stonishin'
how dc race am runnin' down"
MADAM" said Jones to Mrs. Brown
the other day, 'you are talking simply
rubbish" eyes, sir" replied the lady
land | do so because l wish you to com
prehcnd me-
Elder sister Ito little one, who appears
to take great interest in Mr.. Skib6cns,)
Come, little pet, it's time your eyes
were shut in sleep. Little pet-"I
think not. Mother told me to keep nv
eyes open when you and Mr.. Skibbens
were together
little lawyer appearing as evidence
IN one of the courts was asked by gi.
gantic counsellor what profession he was
OF, and having replied that he was an
attorney, "You are an attorney" said
brief. "Why L could put you in my
pockct!' every likely you could" re.
joined the other; "and if you did, you
would have more law in your pocket
than i'll your head -
LAUGHABLE EpIsoDE.-A laugha-
BILE episode occurred in Syracuse, N. Y,
in which the practical Joker had the Ia.
blcs turned upon hiTn in manner coca.
sioning no end of fun to the party and
his friends. A certain disciple of Escu-
iapius, who loves joke, is the owner of
fine skeleton, set up in such a manner
that by opening the door of the rocepta-
cle and touching a spring, the bony OBJ
jet will walk forward several steps out
of the door.
Among the many pests and detriments
to study and thought which this physi-
clan is daily subjected to, is the frequent
intrusion OF apple, orange, and other
fruit vendors in the shape of small BOYS.
The other day whilc in close proximity
TO the door of the closet in which the
skeleton is kept, the good doctors reve-
RE was broken by the entrance of one of
these youthful vendors with shril cry
"Want to buy any apples ?"
Thinking to have some sport at the
apple vendors expense, the worthy ply
stefan suddenly threw open the closet
door, and touching the spring, forth
stalkcd the skeleton in all his bony ma
jesty. A basket was instantly dropped
to the floor, a half bushcl Of apples roll
cd broad cast over the room, while ter
ribly scared youth was seen disappearing
through the Office door with shrill cries.
After enjoying a quiet laugh, the physi-
elan busted himself in picking UP and
restoring to the basket the scattered
fruit, expecting the lad would return in
moment for his stock in trade.
After a brief interval the physician
noticed from the window thclad standing
in the street, gazing spell bound at the
Office door. Seeing the lad cyinccd no
disposition to return for his basket and
fruit, the doctor carried the same TO the
door, which he opened, and calling to
the lad, requested him to come and get
it. Judge Of the doctors surprise when
he was greeted with the following re-
spouse to his invitation
ono you don't. You can't fool mo if
you have got your clothes on"
A little three year old child, while her
mother was trying to get her to sleep,
became Interested in some outside noise.
She was told it was caused by cricket,
when she slgey observed Mamma,
thiu. lac ought I, be oiled"
A store was broken into one night
but, strange to say, nothing was carried
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