The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-03-06
A SMUGGLING JOKE.
How Artemus Ward and His Advance
Agent Play ed 10 Each Other,

IN . VI COOlANU OOAAEs
How Artemus Ward and His Advance
Agent PIayed IL On Each Other,
Artemus Ward was lecturing, with
his panorama at Salt Lake, in Canada,
and as business was good he was in cor
responding high spirits, and his pockets
were full of coin.
The day before they were to leave,
Smith, his advance agent, told Ward
that as silks were 30 much cheaper in the
British possessions than in the United
States be had purchased large piece of
silk, and was going to take it to his wife
as a present. Ward was pleased with
the idea, and in the same confidence told
Smith that he had also purchased piece
of melton cloth, and both conferred with
each other as to the best way to secrete
the goods as TO pass the custom-house.
Ward suggested TO Smith to wrap the
silk around his body, and Smith in turn
advised Artemu, to place the cloth
within the folds of his panorama of Salt
Lake. They each agreed to take each
others advice, and Smith left the next
morning to 20 over to the states in adj
vance. The bundle of silk wound around
him made him feel quite uncomfortable,
when he came to the custom
house and they commenced interrogating
him about his baggage.
The official was very polite and passed
his baggage without murmur, and then
invited him into his private Office, hand
ed him cigar, and begged him to take
8 seat.
The heat of the room began to make
Smith very uncomfortable, and he rose
to go.
BE seated, sir" said the official, /" l
want to have little chat with you"
Ono; must be going" said the
genial John. 81 can't stand sitting 80
long, and then I've a great deal to sttend
to-"
"You seem to be very stoutish kind
of man." said the officer.
"Yes," said Smith, his face getting
red and the warmth from the silk i'm
creasing, "I'm pretty solid, but 1 can't
stand hot room"
"Ahl" said the inspector, "what's
the troublef Any thing the matter with
your chest or lungsf"
"Only 8 slight oppression" replied
Smith.
Oppression about the lungs!" ex-
claimed the officer, rising and advancing
toward the sufocating agent. +" Let me
make an examination for you, sir; it
may be dangerous. Please remove your
cost"
"It's nothing it will soon pass away"
replied Smith, inwardly praying for a
chance to escape.
"My dear friend, you should not al
low yourself to suffer a moment" said
the officer; "and insist upon exsmin-
ing your chest. Doubtless 1 can relieve
you of all your trouble"
The Inspector insisted, and the discom>
flied agent, after vainly trying to escape
from his solicitation, finally scknowl-
edged the corn, and confessed to having
the concealed silk upon his person.
The officer laughed heartily. and said:
70 knew it all the while. Here's let
ter 1 received this morning" And he
handed Smith letter written by Ward,
informing the inspector that smuggler
would endesvor to pass a quantity of
silk, describing Smiths appearance, and
one-half Of the reward for the
Smith was indignant, of
course, but determined to get even with
the incorrigible joker; 80 he told the
officer about Ward having the roll of
cloth concealed in his panorama.
The inspector appreciated the joke,
and Let Smith 90 with q small penalty.
The next morning Artemus Ward ar
rived ut the custom-house with his pam
Drama, when the inspector commenced
interrogsting him, and insisted upon his
letting him have glimpse Of his beau
tiful pictures.
Ward tried every excuse, but the
offic,s! was importunate, and finally he
was compelled to have his man unwind
one section Of the panorama before the
Inspector.
Artemus stood by and explained the
views, until suddenly the cloth came to
light, and as it slowly unwound in front
Of the pictures, Ward struck an attitude
like his performance upon the stage, and
in the drawl of the exhibitor said:
' This view is slightly incumbered with
twenty yards of melton cloth. That
Smith told you all about it. What's the
tamage?"
The Inspector soon settled the question
Of charges, and tor once Artemus found
himself caught by his own joke.
Natural Bridges.