Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-11-16
WIT AND HUMOR,

ANCIENT grease butter.
A sMoKE-HoUsE- cigar store.
AN old letter-An aged landlord.
A MATTER of form-The newspaper.
SATISFIED at last-A contented shoe
maker.
AN elevated railroad station is, of
course, station airy.
Is THE fellow who tends an oyster
saloon an oyster supe?
THOUGHTS that burn-Amateur 20
etry when the editors te-basket is
overlooking.
A MlLKMAN was very mad because
some one bought quart of milk and
then told him to 'chaik it down."
A LADY says that the difference be-
tween silk dress and calico gown is
material; but that's all stuff.
THREE feet make yard. Very true;
but two feet unmake it mighty quick,
provided they are hens feet.
HAVE you mother-in-law?" asked
man Of q disconsolate-lo looking person.
"No," he replied, "but I've father in
Jail"
FR1END-"Look here, Tom, you've
had enough" Tipsy youth-"No such
thing: Ofen had too much; never had
'nough."
A BONANZA man gave his daughter
mine as a wedding present. He was
determined that she should not lack
presents of mine.
"WHAT will the harvest be?" asks an
exchange. Well, just wait till the har-
vest bee crawls Up your trousers-leg,
and you'll find out
"DoYoU keep any Hamburg ginedg?"
asks timid miss. "Not if we Gun sell
it, was the pert reply of the clerk. He
kept some that day.
"CoULDN'r you lend me $50" Eyes,
I could, but 1 won't" "Then do you
think I wouldn't pay you back? eyes,
you would, but you Couldn't
POKER must have been in vogue long
ago; for the melancholy Prince said
Z call thee, Hamlet" when he was not
certain that he could see him.
School Inspector" Now, young
ster, can you name me mild winter? 2"
Scholar ':The winter Of rs. Our
teacher was sick then for six weeks"
Remark by Judge McCredy, in a
court at New London, Ct.: "Tbe Sher-
if will kindly request the gentlemen of
the jury to desist from eating peanuts.
This is ao5 q circus"
WHAT is the difference between
man eating an army biscuit and
man sitting GA pier along the Dela-
ware river? Answer-One is enjoying
war fare and the other is ENJOYING
wharf air.
THE telegram handed into German
office lately-"Can't possibly send
5000 daggers in one day; not till to-
morrow"-plunged the police into ex-
element until they found that daggers
are kind of needle.
PRoFEssoR Occurring on psychology
ALL phenomena are sensations. For
instance, that leaf appears green to
me? In other words, I have sensa-
ton of greenness within me-" Of
course, no harm was meant, but still
the class would laugh.
ALMOST AN ARGONAUT
Twas in the fall of forty-nine
The gold fever broke out,
IN I'D hev bin pioneer
Without the slightest doubt.
But Molly, here, took on N said,
"Argonaut. dearest joel"
thought I'd argy not with her,
So, boys, didn't go.
-Ya,ocob Strauss.
IHE parks present an unusually
bright and charming appearance for the
time of the year. The grass is as fresh
and green as in summer, forming a
cheerful contrast to the thousand hues
of the autumnal leaves. They are well
worth visit.
THERE are coal mines in Germany in
which the phenomenon Of subterr1ane-
an waters having irregular ebb and flow
has been observed. The scientific &C.
ademies of Vienna and Berlin are study
ing it, and look for valuable additions
to our knowledge of the earth's inte-
rior.
A PARIS husband was told that his
wife, who had gone into the country to
be cured Of an illness, was dead. An
. hour afterward she pres ented herself
before him in perfect health. The sud-
den and violent transition from sorrow
to Joy Cor from JOY to sorrow was too
much for him, and he became a maniac.
A oNE-ARMED man drew $2,7SO from
a Philadelphia bank, and was counting
the money at desk. A thief dropped
81 at his feet, and said, "See, you have
dropped bill" The one armed man
stopped to pick up the 81, and when he
Strengthened up again the thief had
gone off with the $3.50.
ONE day 1 was compounding simple
cough remedy for my little 3-year- old,
who had a severe cold. He stood
watching the process, and asked if it
was good" On letting him taste, be
exclaimed: It's awful good, mamma.
Let's keep it all for papa! "-Harper's
Magazine.
On the river What's the matter,
Alfred? You look uneasy" "Well,
my wife, who is fond of swimming,
dived off the boat some time ago, and
has not yet come to the surface; I am
afraid that something must have hap
pened to her." "How long has she
been under?" "About two hours"
French newspaper.
VACCINATION appears to have untold
terrcrs for the country folk of Ger
many. A woman of Mellenberge, who
was repeatedly notified to submit her
child of 8 months to the operation, and
was threatened with arraignment in
court if she did not comply, jumped
with the baby into the Fuida. Both
we're drowned.
A RoBBER found Winnie Roberts,
aged Is, alone in a farmhouse, at
Wadesburg, Mo. BE commanded her
to give him all the money in the build
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