The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-05-02

1T Is not healtny TO dandle-nonS.
The Shere Ali of editors Scissors.
BRIDGE-TENDERs keep the passover.
A LAWYER cannot break an iron will.
A notwithstanding key of lager.
SOME people pitch balls and others
pitch-forks.
SOME people maintain that Byron was
Shakes peer.
No DoG-KENNEL is complete without
bay-window.
Song by lawyer-"Oh, whisper what
thou fee-list."
A wATcH's tick records time drums
tick beats time.
The man who sets bad example
matches mischief.
The somnambulist'wh strikes an at
titude is trance-posed.
IT is singular that the warmest part of
room should be where the freize is.
Puck says that the managers of the
PAM Handle road ought to be skillet
men.
MISS JENNIE TEAL is a society belle
of Washington. She is said to be very
Jen Teal.
FAIR one. if you don't want some fell
low to steal your heart, you must steel
it yourself.
A MAN who has married rich widow
calls her Economy" because she is
source of wealth.
The foundation for the meanest man
is laid when small boy turns the worm
hole in an apple for his companion to
bite from.
WHAT is the difference between a
certain tonic and certain experience?
One is wheat bitters, and the other
bitter-sweet.
WHAT is the difference between the
weather and the baby? One never
rains but it pours; the other never pains
but it roars.
A KEoKUK Qowa) picking establish
ment advertises for 100000 heads of
cabbage, and the New London Telegram
says: $50 West, young man, 60 West"
AN Oil City poet sends us some verses
beginning, Nov, inspiration, seize my
muse" Hence the reason that we call
our waste-basket inspiration" - Oil
City Derrick.
"WHAT do you know of the character
of this man?" was asked of witness at
police court the other day. "What
do l know of his character? know it
to be unbleachable, your Honor" he
replied, with emphasis.
BROKEN HEART is the romantic name
of a railroad station in Minnesota.
Touching as this title is, however, all
sentimental persons must acknowledge
that Fried Liver, a mining village in
Arizona, is still more tender.
A TRAVELLER lost on Yorkshire moor,
after pursuing a rather hopeless track
for some time, had the good fortune to
meet q member of shrewd and plain
speaking sect "This is the road to
York. is it not?" said the traveller. To
which the other replied Friend, first
thou tellest me lie, and then thou ask
eth me question:
A MAN went into clothing store the
other day, and, after picking out some
very fine cloth, said: II want to make
my father a present of an overcoat. Just
measure it for me. Of course it will be
too big for him, but it's pretty good
wearing cloth, and, as the old mans i'm
bad health, I'll have to wear it sooner or
later anyway. Just make it little broad
across the shoulders"
EMMA ABBOTT writes to an Eastern
paper: "To this day love the school
girl who gave me half her apple one day
when was hungry" We can see your
half apple, Emma, and go you a bushel
better. We still love the school girl out
of whose grandfather's orchard we used
to steal gallons and pecks of apples when
we weren't a particle hungry. And now,
if you could just see her baby-oh,
Emma !-Burli,sg tom Ha,ck-Eye.
A CoLLEGE-PRoFEssoR, while on his
way to Mott Haven by the Harlem rail-
road, with his wife and another lady, was
joined by friend. Turning to the
lady with him, the professor said:
what shall do? / have only three
tickets, and this gentleman makes our
party four" "Ohw said the lady, give
the three tickets to the conductor.
Don't you know three of a kind will take
two pairs"