Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-02-10
A wife Who is seldom at Home.

When the peddler rang Mr.. Birds
door-bell, the other day, Mr.. Bird
himself opened the door. Mr.. Bird
had the baby upon his arm,
and there were four other children at
his heels.
is the lady of the house in?"
asked the peddler.
Certainly she isn'tl" replied
Bird. "She is out. She is peren-
nially and ~eternally out
Where can | see her?"
Why, go down to the Woman Suf-
frage Club rooms, and if shells not
there, go to the Society for the Pre-
vention of Cruelty to Animals, and if
she has left there, visit the hall of the
Association for Alleviating the Mise
ries Of the Senegambians, and if she
has finished up there, look for her at
the Church Aid Society, or at the
Ninth Ward Soup House, or at the
Home of the 0ne-legged, or at the
Refuge for Infrm Dogs, or at the Hos
pital for the Asthmatic, or at the
Polyearp Orphan Asylum, or at some
of these places. If you get on her
trail you'll see more paupers and
strong-minded women and under
clothing for the heather than you ever
saw in the whole course of your life. "
l wanted to sell her a ld-handled
tiat-iron, just out. Do you think she
will buy One2"
She will if you can prove that the
naked cannibals in Senegambia are
yearning for cold handled f%at-irons.
She would buy diamond breast-pins
for those niggers if they wanted them,
| believe"
II intended also to offer her a new
kind of immovable hair-pin, which"
All right. You just GO down to
the home for the one-legged and per-
suade those cripples to cry for immov-
able hair-pins, and she'll order EN- by
the tom
Has she any children ?"
Well, I'm the one that appears to
have EN- just now, anyhow"
Because | have a gum-top for a
feeding bottle that is the incest thing
you ever saw"
Now" said Mr.. Bird, "Tll tell you
what you do. You get those paupers
to swear they can't eat the soup they
get at the soup-house with spoons.
they must have it from a bottle with
a rubber nozzle, and Mrs. Bird will
keep you so busy supplying the de-
mand that you won't have a chance to
sleep. You just try it. Buy up the
papersl Bride emf
How'll | know her if | see her?"
why, she's a large woman with a
bent nose, and she talks all the time.
You'll hear her talking as soon as you
get within a mile of her, She'll ask
you to subscribe to the Senegambian
fund and to the Asthmatic Asylum
before you can get your breath. Prob
ably she'll read you four or five letters
from reformed cannibals. But don't
you mind EN-. My opinion is she
wrote EN- herself"
1t don't make any difference. But
you might mention that since she left
home the baby has had four fits,
Johnny has fallen out of the pear tree
and cracked his skull, Mary and jim
both have something like Group, and
Tommy has been bitten by Jones dog.
1t won't excite her. She won't care a
cent but I'd like her to have the
latest news. Tell her if she a man
age to drop in here for a minute be-
tween nov and the Fourth of July.
she might maybe wash the baby and
give the other children a chance to
remember how she looks. But she
needn't come if it will interfere with
the happiness of the one-legged men
dicants, or make her asthamatic
patients miserable. Mind and mention
it to her now, will your