The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1879-12-24
CURRENT HtM0R.


three will bring your umbrella home.
While surrounded with Afghana the Eng
iiah army In Afghapistau II we'll protected
from the cold weather Chicago limos.
Even ildon's bari ia not what bar.ls used
TO be. A. nxohang" aaya Mark Antony
EgHaudered $73a,o0n. 600 Of the public treasury
in two years.'
That waa a smart yaungster who, hearing
his mother remark that aho was fond nf
music, exclaimed, Then why don't you buy
me drum
A Wetze county girl SAYS ono hug Is worth
dozen love letters. Ihny cannot IL intro
duCei "a evidence In a breach Of promise suit
either.
II was not aware that YOU know him said
Tom Smith ~ an Irish friend the other day.
Know him2" aaid he. In tone which com
pretended the nowledgP OF moro than one
life: u knew him when his father was ~ boy
Mankind - newer satisiieA. Americans
complain that Grant has but ono short speech.
The British grnan hecauao Gladstone gives
them new ono every day seven coumns
long,
Castor oil has boon introduced into a school
In Galveston. Tex. IA disciplinary agent.
"A boy had II poured down hia throat fnr
smoking. and u girl had II rubbed On hor lips
for swearing,
That waa nm observing follow " he was but
six years old. who said. "Pnpa. wiRh you'd
quarantine agaius lnm JONES comm hor"
every night to aee Jennie. Its got te he too
epidemic.
Mamma ~ Isabel tour years 81 agcl. who II
rather numerically teasing the kitten "lsa-
bel. my child. You must not do SO don't
like to 500 it Isabel Well. don't look
mamma.
Two resolutions have boon introduced In
Gongrcsa expressing sympathy with the
lriah PaCk'a SHH thinks NOR" resolutions
shouId ho introduced hecause tw" wouldn't
fatteu canary.
sMa." said a littlo boy looking III from nm
illustrat ~ newspaper. II WISH wa little
South Africa boy" WAY t'nnrgn2" asked
his ma "Whv. tcauan their mothers don't
wear slppara. ho tcningly replied.
Litto boy 1T four was alnepnE with hia
brother. when hia mother said why. Tom.
my. YOU are lying right in tho middle OF tho
bed what will poor Harry do We'll. ma
hi replied. "Earrys got both ald"e.
The thoughtful girl who tells hor gentIe-
mon callers what her other gCntl"mrn friends
are going to Civ" hnr Christ aa. y taking
time right hy the top knot. AndrNws's
American Queen
The gentlemen at a dinner Table were dis
claang tho familiar limo, An honest man =
thp nohlest work nf God = WHOM q littla son
OF the host spoke up and said It's not true.
My mothers bettern any man that was ever
made
10 far sixty-throo Ohio towns have got ont
maps. each showing ita,lf to be tn" geegraph-
ical centre Of the world And. ~ hoad them
on Detroit has got ont stSty-thr"r dtfl"r"mt
maps showing Detroit to he the geograph-
ical. etc.
Newspaper humorista. whose only concep
tion NJ II Joke consists in copying n nonannSe
yerse and credtinR II I" one of Americas
areateat pocts. are getting altogether too mn,
nervous. Such hnmor should strike N ana
kill Narrstown Herald,
MONDAYS and Saturdays arc fashonahl"
wedding days In Albany. New York Aud
the ladies' there are such sticklers Ter fashion
that the OH man wha thlnka hts daughter
means to eiope only has to sit uP with Inc
nights In a week.
man always looks foolish when pn"ring
into mirror. A woman never docs. ~ u
her uuquesttoued privilege to look NJ h"r'"h
as often and as much as she will. Rtss h"r.
she sena something n IT." glass worth looking
at Boston Transcript.
There Is nothing 40 charming as the tuno-
cence of children. Mamma. said live
year old tho other lay. wish YOU Wml'an
leave me to take care OF baby again lie was
so bad had to eat all the sponge cake aud
two jars OF raspberry jam TO amuse him
INV dear" said sentimental maiden 70
her lover "of what do those autumnal tlllts.
this glowing haltric Of the skins, blazing gar
niture Of tho dying year. remind YOU 1t
nanrakes was the reply And then fnr the
nrst time abe realized that two hearts did
not beat "a one.
Tho effect of Jet on satin Is very elegant
IRangor Commercial. lhis Zoos not refer ~
n et Of water Boston Post. Why not
Watared silk Ia considered very handsome.
and whom made into ,ir"sa i iInau"nty
NJ
I'm out of whole cloth Boston Post
When a life insurance agent comes In and
tells us that only last week 4 man insured
with him for $4,000 and paid one premium,
and to-day he ts dead and his family has the
money 1t doesn't make us any more anxious
Ia insure though II may be a convincing ar
gument iii favor OF the beauties OF the system
dental journal says the reason so many
men fall as orators Is because they nave lost
some III thcr teeth. Bosh Look NJ Z hen
hasn't and never had A tooth iii her head. and
did the dental editor never hear hen mount
the fence and deliver u two hours Fourth OF
.luv Grafton over one egg Ito bigger than
lemon
An old darkey who pcddles CLAIMS about
Newark was heard 70 remark last week ttlat
horse frr which he had paid seNenty-liNt
cents had dropped dead IN the shafts ON TIL.
day after the purchase, and he wound M hy
saving Sc done now. and buys no more
cheap bosses. Ise Rwtne 70 have good hess
nex time. If | have to 90 to Railway and pay
81 for him.
During the past summer Il Young French
man proposed IL his wife to take little tonl
in Switzerland. what Is there III SWii1 ar
land2a asked the ingenious fatr Nv hat Is
there in Switzerland' echoed the husband
"Why there Is " most wonderful scenery II
the world-loity mountain peaks tipped witt
rosy snow, verdant wales. sleeping LAKES
and $685." ''0h bother your sleeping lakes,
cries she: take me somewhere where there
are shops to buy things Mt
Young man who had just returned from
A long Journey clasping his adored one ~ 3
loving embrace i'll dtmly lighted parlor wa
seized with great terror that foran instant
n.ralyyed all his energies. "Oh. my darling,
said he wildly, why didn't you write me O
this : what IL 1t spinal disease or have
you dislocated some OF your ribs, that yot
are Obliged to wear this broad leather band
srap. s'Oh, love-" she gently murmured
this Is my new belt; would have got
broader one but 1t would Rot 60 under my
arms
How Mr. Gladstone gagged Telephone