Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-28
Wit andsHmOru.

Crlbbed sermon he hadn't OTTER,
And when he had read it,
His audiance said it
Was little bettcr'n dishwater.
Moral-Steal sermons of the o!den time,
And preach them with silvery chime
The donkey is a pretty bird,
So gentle and so wise;
1t has silky little tail
With which to frisk the flies
Upon its head two ears it bears,
That, when its tail can't reach the flies,
The ears can whisk them Off
Hard to beat-boiled eggs.
The latest thing in boots-stockings.
The Aiumni-graduates of the alum
works.
Let who is without shins throw the
first stone.
Curiosity about triles is a mark of
little mind.
If you let a man loan he will let you
alone-for long time.
Where there's smoke there's some
fire, but very often mighty poor tobacco.
What is that which was never seen,
felt, or heard, and yet has a name?-
Nothing
Instead of calling your silver haired
friend an old dog, why not hail him as
greyhound?
DR.. Franklin says: eff man emptles
his purse into his head, no one can take
it from him.
When you have occasion to utter re-
buke, let your words be soft and your ar
guments be hard.
A critic SAID of stupid writer: "Hc
takes the plnlons Of one goose to spread
the opinions of another"
Young ladies think they Miss it by
not, and many a married lady thinks she
Mrs. it in being married.
A shrewd Yankee has invented pat
ent ice cream freezer, which he calls the
"Charles Francis Adams"
Customer to the proprietor Of a hat
store: "What is the price of this style,
please?" Halter: ''This tile, sir, is
worth four dollars"
The Syracuse Courier has two-col-
umn account Of a rising young man.
What did he sit down on?-Waterloo
Observer: Perhaps 1t was the wind.
Dublin is not the only city Of whose
society Levers cOuplet holds true:
"Fightng like devils for Cancellation,
And hating each other for the love of God"
A precocious youth, prompted by an
unpleasant recollection Of the last term,
says that school teachers are like dogs,
they click your hand"
Junior to Professor CATER recitation y
II think was right at that part where
you corrected me- Professor (ind1ng
that it Is so): "Well, it does not matter,
since I marked you above average"
Quaint old Fuller says: Let him who
expects one class of society to prosper in
the highest degree, while the other is in
distress, try whether one side of his face
can smile while the other is pinched.
'Mother, why does pa call you hon.
ey:" because, my dear, he loves me-"
No, ma, that isn't it. "What is it, then?"
"Why, it is because you have so much
comb IN your head, that's why"
NJ. FALcoNNEr, who was a clever
physician, was called in by hypochon-
driac. The lady declared that she ate,
drank and slept well. "Ah!" said the
doctor, "come quick; let me give you
some medicine, and we shall soon get
rid OF all that!''-Fre'1ch paper.
''Ah, Louise, my heart IS very despond-
ent. Ever since have gazed into the
depths of those lovely eyes T." ''Hush,
John, put an air break on that train of
thought. Pa has introduced me to his
new partner and am his for S2,OOOOOO.
That settles It,
Sir Walter Scott used to tell story
of woman in Fife, who, summing up
the misfortune of black year in her
history, said, "Let me see, sir; our wee
Gallant, and then Jenny, and then the
COO died too; poor hizzy but, to be sure
her hide brought me fifteen shillings."
You made fool of me-" said an irri-
tated man to his wife, land that's the
way you got me to marry you" MY
love-" sweetly responded the wife, "you
do yourself an injustice; call yourself a
fool it you please, but remember that you
are in all respects selt-made man.
\ person looking over catalogue of
professional gentleman of the bar, with
his pencil wrote against the name Of one
who was of the busting order: elias
been accused ofpossessing talents" An
other seeing it Immediately wrote under:
'Has been tried and acquitted
George is five years Old His mother
had undressed him for bath before put
ing him to bed. AS he stood before her
he said: "Now, mamma, I'm kid"
"Yes DEAR said She "You know what
kind of q kid I am?" "No, darling"
"Well, ma kid His mother thinks that
is good for kid of his age.
A Scotch bailie promised to attend a
meeting, but broke his engagement.
When demonstrated with, he excused
himself by saying that he had been at
tending another meeting, and then plain
lively added, II couldna come, you know
Gamma be IN twa places at once: I am
not ampheeblous.
said Mr.. Cashinhand sternly: "Lavi-
ma, l am not pleased with you at all. AT:
ter having broken with two suitors--both
OF them with good prospects in life-here
you are permitting at least three worth
less fellows to dog you wherever you
60" Lavina-"Three of a kind, YOU
know, are better than two pere.
A Romantic Diner.
de rambled into the restaurant with q
smile on his face which eoo,,,l ~ "a.