The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-07-10

RPA
1g 7a
AN article in an exchange is headed
Be short" The advice. says the Nor
ristown Herald, is entirely superfuous in
a arge majority of cases. 1t the writer
of the article were to start out on col
Letting tour he would find nearly every
body g short" enough.
"AND how does Charley like going
to school 2" kindly inquired a good maU
of little six-year-old boy, who was
waiting with tin can in hand the ad-
vent of another dog. 81 like goin' well
'nough," replied the embryo statesman,
ingeniously. "but 1 don't like stayin'
after git there"
AN advertisement in an exchange
says: +" Linen pants for one dollar" Now,
why should Linen pant for one dollar?
And if we were to give Linen one dollar,
would it stop panting7 Does Linen
pant for Trade dollar or for a Bland
dollar? And does it ever pant for more
or less than one dollar? ANSWERS next
year. r.)-NorristoDn Herald.
ABOUT week ago an Iowa man died.
He was very wealthy, and left three
sons, his only heirs, and would you be-
lieve it, the ungrateful boys got together
and ran away with all the property be-
fore the lawyers could get at it and di-
yided it with each other? There is
so much sordid, mean, grasping selfish
ness in this world, that sometimes it is
enough to discourage good lawyer.
@ ADDRESS TO A CAT.
Sweet warbler when the radiant MOONLIGHT talks
In mellow splend"r on the haunted shed,
Oft have ,istened to thy piaintive wauls 81.
And cursed thee from my sic lsep-deeerted bed
How have wept to hear thy lohg-drawn shout
" Maria !Oh-h Maria Comm ou-out?"
Whv dost thou rage, vain cat, when sable night
With "dewy freshness fills the silent air r
Why dost tnou climb the roof to yell and fight
nd rip and spie and snort and claw and swsars
Dost thou not blush. sweet cat. when rosy dawn
Sees half thy 1ur clawed out and one eye onef
Huntington Hawkeye.
AND now ariseth medical man who
says he can prove to anybody's satisfac-
ton that the bites of mosquitoes are pos
itivelv beneficial to the human system.
He AYERS that they drain the system of
bad blood, and that person bothered
with pimples or eruptions would find
relief by permitting themselves to be
bitten thirty or forty times per day.
As some lady visitors were going
through penitentiary under the escort
of superintendent they came to room
in which three women were sewing.
"Dear p1er' one of the visitors whis-
pered, "what vicious-looking creatures
Pray what are they here for?" Be
cause they have no other home; this is
our sitting room, and they are my wife
and two daughters" blandly answered
the superintendent.
He remarked at the evening meal:
"I saw Miss Jelly this morning; came
pat upon her. Oh, butter her dress was
pretty; trimmed with knife plates ana
scallops, and fitted to tea. Her jew
elry was fine, especially herrings; her
complexion was creaGy, and as she
castor eyes on me I sauser they were
beautifully blue, and | felt as II Ia
cruise the wide seas over to win one
smile from her cherry lips! A spoon,
please. ."-Syracuse Times. @
"AH," said one gentleman to another
at the club, $50 you've had the misfor.
tune to lose your poor nephew Yes,
poor fellow. He would gamble in spite
of all the doctors told him about avoid
ing excitement when he was subject to
heart disease, and the other night while
he was playing ua petit jeu de tire "a little
game of draw, and there W S about
| ninety thousand francs on the table, he
suddenly dropped his cards and fell ovel
on the table dead" Poor fellow
How sadr you may we'll say how
sadp He had four kings aud an ace II
his hand. ."-Poris Journai 80
A LITTLE six-year old had been listen
ing to the remarks of legal-minded un
Gle in regard to the prospects of an in
dicted party getting clear by getting q
continuance of his case from time to
time. Shortly after the little fellow
got into scrape, which secured for hin
a promise from his mother of little
dose of slipper at an early period. Ht
anxiously sought The uncle for legal ad
vice on the subject, who could only
sympathize with him, but with no pros
pect of relief. "Uncle, said he, @ dom
you think you could get mother to con
tinue my case? If we could get a con
tinuance / think l could get off," H'
got of. ...s
WHAT great thing it is to be wise IL
ones day and generation. A sage bein!
recently asked why it is that We have 81
much trouble in sleeping, replied afte
this manner: " 1t is because there is al
accumulation of carbonic acid, that &C
cumulation being favored and controlled
by reflex action of the nervous system
which thus protects the organism from
exec sive oxidation, and allows the or
ganism to manifest its normal func
tional activity throughout a succeeding
rhythmic period" Now, if we ha'
been asked the reason. We should hav
ignorantly answered because there, j
too much mosquito and cat by night
and too much fly and rag man by day
Courier Journai.