River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-08-21
THE LANDLORDS BILL.
An Interrupted Temperance lecture.

An Interrupted Temperance Lecture.
speaking about temperance lecturers,
said old Mr., sam Robinson IL We heard
a great many in my life--soae with more
and some with less effect The first
ever received was when | was about six
teen years old. / belonged to band CON
sistlng ola bass-yiol, flute, and two
fiddlers. ! was second ddle That was
sixty years ago, when no matter what
happened-a wedding or an election or
an ordination-therew was ball; and it 80
came about that for five nights running
we played six or seven hours ON stretch,
and on Saturday we had to provide the
music at some sort OF great celebration
in the city of III. Nov, in order to reach
there in time we had to leave NJ. at three
o'clock IN the morning by stage-couch,
and expected to get into II. in good time
in the forenoon, SO as to haye chance
to take a little nap But halfway there
the stage-coach broke down, and we were
detained, so that it was one O'Clock before
we reached the tavern in H., and the Gel
ebration was to begin at two. don t
remember what sort Of a celebration it
was, but there was to be music, and
speeches by Dir. d. eff Yale College,
and other gentlemen whose names have
forgotten. Now, not one of us four had
had more than forty winka of sleep since
Thursday night, and we were so knocked
up by fatigue and sleepiness that We
could hardly keep awake | had taken
cold, too on the journey and felt sick and
feyerish; so Spencer, who was first fiddle,
went to the bar and ordered g,ass of
whisky -and-water for me. 1t was the
first time | had ever touched any thing
of the sort, and didn't find il at all TO
my taste, but sat slipping ii and trying
to get through with it when all at once
into the room strobe the great DR.. y. of
Yale college, the orator Of the day and
one Of the biggest nen in New England
lie was tall and stout, and dressed in the
fashion of the time, with rutf1ed shirt
bosom, knee brooches, silk stockings snd
silver buckles, and his long gray hair
was tied with 4 black ribbon. He held
his head very high, and had a frigid eye
and stern mouth and triple chin. lie
had been dining in one Of the parors,
and no y CANA out to settle his reckoning,
pempous and pictorial.
" Landlord, sand he, II deep stentor-
ian voice ic could he heard half a
mile, my bill, il you please.
III one minute, your honor-ln one
minute, said the landlord, whose voice
was little shrill pipe. i was going to
bring it in to you.
'And lie DIR. ID. waited, his eyes,
travelling around as if longing to lind
something to find fault with, fell on me
"'Young man said he, in his deep
bass voice, what is that YOU are drink
ing?
"'Please, your honor, said l, tremb-
ling from head to foot-'please, youI
honor, it is only little whisky-and
water to
"'Young man, he said, cycling me with
his fierce eyes and shaking his double
chin-'young' man, do you know where
the feet of the drunkard lead2 Are you
aware that once upon The downward path
they travel straight to hell: Have you
never learned that the inebriaIe has
neither TT nor lot with the righteous
but Is chained fast in everlasting tor
ment! Put by that glass-put by that
glass, | say; and when you are lured into
temptation again, say that DR.. DIR,
u. If Y0fc C0Uege! -showcd you the evil
OF your ways.
ale stopped for a moment, glared hard
al me, and nodded his head and double
chin pressively, and was just raisino
his forelinger TO commence again, hen
the landlord, in his little shril voice be-
gan; Here it is, DR.. d., here it is; halt
gill Of rum and q wineglass of brandy
before dinner"
"'Neyer mind the items, said DR.. D.,
in Il terrible voice.
~ Just want to see it they are all cor
rect, said the landlord. Half gill OF
rum and a wineglass OF brandy before
dinner"
~ tell you ] don't want the items,
Numbered the doctor; give me the
whole
81 III coming to that, said the land
lord, his voice growing shriller and shr
Ter Now how far had | gotl Halt a
gill OF rum and wineglass Of brandy
before dinner
"'Sir-'
"'Forty-five cents, SAID the landlord
.'"One pint Of $ cry and half pint Of
port at dinner
Landlord broke IN the doctor, his
face as red as a beet and his eyes grow
ing smaller and smaller as he swelled up
ike an angry tuIkey-cocS.
"''rhat right, sir, said the landlord.
Half gill of rum and wineglassful OF
brandy before dinner; one pint Of sherry
and half pint Of port and a wlneglass-
full Of brandy at dinner; then dinner.
| think, your honor, it'll be about three
dollars and forty-five cents.
"Dr. D. drew ut his purse, threw down
some silver, and strobe out OF the tavern.
Nov, concluded Mr.. Sam robinson,
the ancient fiddler, that interrupted
temperance lecture spoiled all those ]
ever heard afterward N, IN Lsppsa-
colts Mag