Daily Republican., 1879-09-04
aUsoRoUs.
DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB HIS wIrs.

r
balm which Shakespeare tells Us "kniti
up the raveled sleeve Of care" eau
tiously and noiselessly he entered thu
gatel Quietly he sat down on the
gravelsd walk to remove his shoes and
stockings Stealthily he stepped upon
the porch With cat like agility ht
mounted box standing near by and
began crawling through the open tran
som over the door Just as he had sue
ceeded in pressing his body through
the aperture, and managed to wiggle
one leg after it, he lost his balance and
fell to the floor with thud as heavy
as il q big bag Of sand had been heaved
through the hole. Naturally enough
it aroused his wife in an instant, and
springing to her feet she caught sight
Of her liege lord lying before her all
curled up in heap.
"Why husband ~ she exclaimed in
alright, "what in the world Is the mat
ter 7"
"Nossin, m dear, JUS ought I'd come
home t'ysr." g.
"Wsll, but didn't you fall?
Yes'm; rsck' n so. Didn't sit down
(hic) anyway" r|
"Are you hurt, dear :"
"Guess not; Pm all here--rsckon."
"How came you to fall, dear 7"
swell, ye-sse, didn't want'o 'sturh
ys rattlin' . door; SO jus'Aought I'd
crawl through trans rum, don't-ye-see,
an los my balance. Dazwhazzemaz-
zer." -. ..
"Why, my dear husband, you must
have been tired and sleepy, for the
door has been standing wide open all
night. 1t was 90 warm l was compelled
To open it to keep from snfocating.
And sure enough the door under the
transom through which hs::hAd wedgsd
himself was standing wide open
Looking around with = silly grin, hs
said:
"Zat's fact! Dsuoed good joke (hic)
amt IT. He he / Z'wondsr didn't
feel Eat hole, amt 1t 7" 4
SOUND LEGAL OPINION.
An honest farmer once called upon
the late Roger M. Sherman, the csls.
bratsd lawyer, and told him he wanted
an opinion. He mad heard great
deal about the value Of Mr.. Sherman .
opinions, and how great many people
went to him TO get an opinion, and
John, who had never had, nor was
likely to have = lawsuit or other such
difficulty for q lawyer to help him from
thought he would have an "opinion." "
"Well, John, what can ! do to help
you 7" said Mr.. Sherman, when John
in his turn was shown in the room.
"Why, lawyer replied John, ~
happened to be in town, and having
nothing to do, thought would come
and get your opinion"
Estate your case. John. What's the
matter 7"
Oh, nothing. amt got no lawsuit ;
only want to get one Of your opinions;
they say they are valuable"
"But, John-about whats"
"Oh anything, sir; take your pick
and choice ~
Mr.. Sherman seeing the notions Of his
client on the matter in hand, took his
pen and writing a few words, folded
them up and handed them to John,
who carefully placed them in his
pocket.
"What's to pay, sir :"
"Four and sixpenoe," Yankee money
seventy five cents.
When John returned home the next
morning, he found his wife, who pretty
much took the lead in his business mat
ters, anxiously discussing with his
chief farm servant the propriety OF
getting in large quantity Of oats on
that day, which had been cut on the
one previous, or Of undertaking some
other labor.
John was appealed TO to settle the
question, but he could not decide. At
length he said: "I'll tell you what
Polly I've been to = lawyer, and got
an opinion that cost me four and six
pence. There it is-read it out it's q
lawyers writing and can't make head
or tail out of it I"
But Polly opened the paper and read
as follows: 'Never put off till to-mor-
row what can be done to day"
"Enough said !" cried JoLu; them
oats must be got in" And they were
"got in," and the same night such a
storm came on as otherwise would have
ruined them entirely.
John q! an afterward consulted the
opinion and acted upon 1t and to this
day entsrtains a high estimate Of Law
yer's opinions generally, and OF the
lamented Mr.. Sherman's in particular.
The other day one of the Detroit fer
ry captains found aboard Of his craft .
cadaverous. looking chap who had
beaten his way to and fro SO often that
patience was no longer virtue. When
it was found that he had no ticket the
captain roarad out:
"What did l tell you the last time l
passed you over ?"
"You said you'd throw me into the
river next time tried to beat my way
across was the calm reply.
"And now-!' yelled the cap
tain as he started to pull off his coat.
"Aud now you won't. You are
q good hearted man and l don't
want you to get into trouble on my
account will 60 overheard on my own
hook"
He stepped to the gangway and made
a dive before anyone could prevent ".
The boat was stopped, life preservers
thrown out, and after hard work the
man was hauled aboard. The cap.
tain seized him, braced him against
the cabin, and shaking his fist under
the beats nose, exclaimed.
"Look a.here, you miserable, SIN
full man, I've been put to ten dollars
trouble trying to collect your five'csnt
fare After this 1t Is understood that
you are always to ride free, and II you
offer To nav fare I'll lick you !"