The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-03-15
John Phoenix and jeff. Davis.
A New STORY Told OF THE GREATEST OF AMERI-
CAN HUMoRIsTS.

A New York correspondent of the indianapolis
Journal gives the following interesting remini-
scence of the late John Phenix-Lieut Derby,
of the United States Army
When Frank Pierce was President, JEFF. Davis,
then Secretary of War, issued a general invita-
ton to officers of the army who were skilled
draughtsmen to send in suggestions for the new
uniform which it had been decided to adopt.
One such invitation was sent to each officer.
Lieut.. Derby was very ready with his pen-a
really ingenious artist. In reply he sent to the
War Department a design for a new uniform
or rather a peculiar addition to the old uniform
the amendment consisting merely of a ring at
tached to the seat of the trousers OF each private
soldier. Each officer was to carry, instead of a
sword, a long pole, with a hook in the end like n
shepherds crook. The pole and the ring enabled
officers to keep the p~rivates from running away
in battle. F~ugitives could easily be caught by
it and brought back. Stragglers could be kept
in line. Moreover the ring would be very useful
in the cavalry service to fasten soldiers to the
saddle to prevent them from falling off and in
the artillery service the rings were to be used for
draught purposes in the absence of mules.
These specifications were accompanied by the
most grotesque pictures, representing officers
hauling back cowardly recruits by the service
able ring, cavalry securely fastened to the top of
their steeds by the same device, and artillerymen
harnessed to cannon, drawing them through mar
row defles, or up an ACTIVITY inaccessible to
mulcS. Nv CdDiCo dttdCbCu " VIC DOclSlAO JIG PiSC'
On another sheet of bristol-board was an Illus
tration in gaudy colors OF +" Derby's Rotary
Mule Howitzer,'' accompanied by the following
description : Upon the back of a young and
vigilant mule, strap a mountain howltzer, the
muzzle pointing towards the tail. a similar
piece of ordance is fastened with iron bands
under the animals abdomen, the muzzle aimed
between his forelegs to the front. There are
four eunners, two to each piece, and a 'persua-
der, as he is called, whose business it is to
stand firm and not retreat, by stufing him with
oats, after each discharge, with q tin sausage
suffer. When Indians, or other legitimate
game, appear in view, the mule is, by a crank
movement on the tail. limbered to the front.
1t don't make any difference which way the mule
faces (and here is where my patent comes in)
one gun is always pointing toward the front.
At the command 50 fire. the top howitzer is
discharged. The recoil throws the mule on his
back, bringing the second gun into position.
This is discharged, which suddenly brings the
mule to his feet again, when the gunners swab
out the mules throat with hay and reload.
The accompanying illustrations lin brown, red,
blue and gold, and still On file in the War De-
partment) represent the rotary mule in seven
different attitudes. looking c%ontented and happy
all the time.
This was felt to be an outrageous audacity On
the part of a subaltern. The clerks in the War
Department laughed at the funny letter immo-
derately, but their superiors looked serious.
jefferson Davis, the head of the Department,
was terribly indignant, and he resolved to defend
his wounded dignity. Charges and specifications
we're drawn up against Lieutenant Derby,
and the officers were actually named for his
Court-martial, when VIM. L.. Marcy, Secretary
of State, a man of more sense and selEpoise,
said to the irate Secretary I" Now, see here,
General paws don I a4 Is Development of
hnmor. But he is shrewd and ingenious, and
really a fine draughtsman. He has valuable
qualities. You can organize a Court that will
convict him, but you will be a butt of ridicule
on account of it all your life. Better file the
suggestions of the crook-and-ring and the lively
rotary mule, and say nothing And he did.