The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-06-19
Wit and HulnOr.

How to mark table linen. Upset the
gravy.
There's many cowslip twixt the but
tercup and the tulip. H..
Does the base ball foul lay an egg;
Certalnly-the goose egg. -.
The tlme is near at hand when every
one can have peas in the family.
A sailor off on furlough is like tn,
prodlgal son when he returns to his spar.
Sea:
The fat boarder called the mold on the
PIE an oasis-a green spot on the desert.
Railroad fagmcn are of rare courage.
1t is not until they are dead, that their
spirits flag.
In sitting for picture the person who
wlnks at the camera gets reply in the
negative.
The man with Il strawberry mark Oh his
right arm can now sell himself for
short-cakc.
Sickness turned a Western mans hair
nom white to dark brown. Probably
the sick man dyed.
An exchange says that Napoleon w.
is always poring over books. He never
rcigns, but he pores
An Albany florist is endeavoring to ar
range match between Virginia creep
er and scarlet runner.
If a man will tell me what he thinks
ov his nabors, l kan tell him what his
nabors think of him.
John Obisons four.ycar old daughter,
at Rutland, was killed recently bv swul
lowinga box Of pills.
On account of the decided manner OF
his spouse, Smythc says that his children
are governed by ma shall law.
Il never waste any time III listening to
the meaningless t~ittcr of the blue birds
when the dinner gong is winding its
mellow hum
That was smart boy smashed the other
fellows eggs, and then justified himself
with the remark that it is good for a man
that he bare the yolk IN his youth
There was never but one shirt maker
in this country who understood how
buttonhole should be placed in a collar
and he died before he could teach any of
the others.
A downtown man says he has the best
auctionccr in his family. 1t belongs to
his wife, and it hears Of every auction in
the city, much to the ightncss of bis
purse.
An agricultural paper advises the farm
er to count his sheep every day. II it
comes to that, we should advise the farm
er to move into better neighborhood.
Two sophomorcs entered street car;
the first takes the only vacant seat, and
the second sits IN his lap. Presently
young lady enters, and the second soph,
rising, says, "take my seat, madam.
"Hcre" said farmer in Syracuse, as hc
exhibited broken jar to the manufacturer
Il packed this jar full Of butter and it
split from top to bottom. Perhaps you
can explain the phenomenon 'Oh, yes,
can" was the ready reply: "The butter
was stronger than the jar.''
A little girl who had been on a rail
| road train when an accident occurred, was
told by her mother that she ought to
thank God for her escape from injury,
when she made her evening prayer. She
did it in this way: ''Thank you, God,
for not letting me be hurt to-day; but the
next time | go to the city I'll 60 in a
| wagon
Small boy Harry,
Drumming on the pane,
Looking at the chickens,
Drayglcd with the rain,
Where do chickens come from,
Mamma, please do tell?
ayes, know they come from eggs,
know that very well.
Course the old hen matches 'cm,
know that, but then
Won't you tell me trucly,
Whcrcd they get the hen:'
One pleasant day, Captain s: stood up
on the deck of his steamer, tolling the
last bell previous to her departure, when
he was accostcd by serious looking. in
dividual, in the following terms: .Are
you Captain S.?' II am, SIR" said the
captain with turn of the head and 4
quizzical glance. "What is the regular
fare to Louisville7'' 'Two dollars and
a half.' "Wcll, captain, am a Method
ist preacher. What will you charge me?,'
Apparently in deep study for a mo-
mcnt, the captain took the measure of
our clerical friend, and replied in his
peculiar, decided tone. "Wcll, I guess
we sha' mt charge you cent more ) than
any body clse!" IL, .,..: "a.
How suggestive is the speech Of chill
drcn when they are handling great sub.
jects without knowing it. "My. father"
said a mute, ingiorious Milton, t!is 81 the
grocery business and he has lots of
of their respective albums, will.return
them, if do not forget about it. How
heavily my guilt weighs upon me. If it
doesn't feel any lighter in the morning,
will take it to the grocery and have It
weighed, and sell it to some. travelling
doctor for the boss tumor.-Burdette.