Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-04-10
FUNNYGRAPHS.
MISSING men-Bad marksmen.

.
MISSING men-Bad marksmen.
A HOME sTRETcH-Over a mother,
WATER in a boat gets out on BAIL
New Orleans Picayune.
LATE to bed and early to ryes wear.
out the strongest constitution.-Ne,o Or
leans Picayune.
SOME men read a very funny thing
with an inward chuckle-others indulge
in jest-tickleation.-Puck.
AN Illinois girl, with pitchfork, kills
scores of gophers every day. You ought
to see her gopher the gophers.
A PRETTY girl won musket in lot
terry. When they gave it to her she
asked, "Don't they give soldier with
it?"-Paris Pepper.
TRYING to get to heaven without
faith is about like setting out in silk
tights to climb creased POLE Yonkers
Gazette.
THERE is man in the Massachusetts
legislature who has such a big mouth
that the top of his head would come off
but for his back collar button.
The solditr may draw useful lesson
from the old carpet, observes Puck. 1t
shows its colors the palmer the more it
is beaten.
"TAKE back the heart that thou
gavest," as the gambler said to his pal.
who had passed him under the table the
wrong card to fill the flush.
HUNTING in Lent" [ see your sister
is not hunting to day." emo, poor
dear! She had only the pony to tide,
so she has gone to church" -Punch
SYDNEY SMITH once rebuked a swear
ing visitor by saying: "Let us assume
that everything and everybody are
damned, and proceed with our subject"
A PHILADELPHIA yesterday impru-,
IDENTIFY confessed that he had not seen
Pinafore." His shocked listeners tore:
him to pieces in less than seven minutes.
-Norristovn Herald.
THIRTY years ago careless little boy
threw banana skin on the sidewalk. A
few days ago he was hanged. The rising
generation will perceive the terrible
warning.-Philadelphia hronicle- Herald.
A NoRR1sTowN scientist has theory
of his own about the shower of birthstone
in Berks and Lehigh counties few days
ago. He says it came off walking
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. Herald.
THE mule lives to great age. We.
saw one this morning whose "locks were
as gray as the foamy sea-" not his fet-
locks, by long shot-we did not stop to
examine them.-Ne,v Hcuen Register.
JONES said, looking into the glass the
0%h s I n with
heads on my shoulders-the one l see,>
the one l feel and the one that Brown
put on me-"
DURING the coming se.cleaniDg
season the ladies will have all the paint
washed except that portion which rubs
off a fellows shoulder of Sunday even
ing.-New Haven Register.
"PA, what does nobby mean?''
"Stylish, my dear" "Well, then, pa,
your nose must be very stylish, for
grandma says you've got the knobbiest
nose in town."
"WaY does dog chew q bone after it
is devoid of meat?" an inquisitive ex-
change asks. That is easy to answer;
you've often heard of "bread in the
bone," and its the bread the dogs after.
The small boy is now taken in by his
bigger companion, who persuades HIM
that dilapidated jack-knife is a good
trade for nice new ball of string and
four three-cent glass agates.-New IL zen,
Register.
AN ale guzzler doesn't stop to consider
that every time he drinks he is adding
an ale to his coffin Boston Post. A
result, no doubt, owing to the tacks on
spirits.-Neau York Commercial Adver-
tiser.
ENVY the man who kan tolk 365 day $
in a year on one subjekt, and think he il
original and interesting all the time;
but don't want to be a sun-in-law ov
one ov these kind of people.-Josh BIZ
lings.
"JoHNNY," said sporting father,
fst?" 1.-TWO pears" said johnny.
"Good hand" said the absent,minded
parent, "take the pot" Then he
blushed, and, pointing to brass kettle,
"to your mother"
Two darkies were Wanting their
courage. "Isn't 'feard O. nothin', I
isn't, said one. "Den, Sam, reckon
you isn't feared to loan me dollar ?"
"No, julius, I isn't 'feard to loan you a.
dollah, but l does hate to part wild An
ole frien' forebber." viUe Tribune.
HUGG1NG sociables are popular in
some rural parts of New Jersey. The
prices charged are given for benevolent
purposes. 1t costs ten cents to hug q
girl between fifteen and twenty, but you
have to pay twenty-five cents for a
young widow, five cents for girl be-
tween twenty and thirty, and a dollar
for hugging married lady.
SCENE: German recitation room,
March, 1880. Tutor: "Mr. x, please
translate the following sentence: MY
brother has a glass of water and piece
of bread.'" Mr.. x. dropped from '80)
please, cir, I don't know the words for
water and bread; we always did our SEN
fences last year in beer and cheese
Yale Record.
"WAsH baby up clean and dress him
up real pretty, and he will resist all
advances with a most superlative cross
ness; but let him eat molasses ginger
. bread and fool around the coal hod fol
half IN hour, and he will nestle his deal
little dirty face close up to your clear
shirt bosom and be just the lovingest
| cunningest little rascal in all the world
! -Nta0 Hduem Register.
ARTHUR GILMAN tells the following
> of an old lady at Concord: "Have you
given electricity a trial for your com
: plaint, MADAME" asked the minister, a.
he took tea with the old lady. "Elec
tricity!" said she. "Well, yes, ! reckon
it has. I was struck by lightning les
summer and hove out the window, bu
1t didn't seem to do me no sort of good.
I-Boston Traveller.
The Concord, N. H., Monito, tell
this story: 1t was at the good viii
dance, and young gentleman of this
city, who has occupied various position,
of prominence, was making himself
agreeable to a beautiful creature ia
whom he had just been introduced
Said she, 81 think have met you be-
fore?" avery likely" he replied;
have been STOPPING in the city for two