The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-07-23
THE NORRISTOWN GAZETTE
BRIC-A-BRAC.
He is disguised with contempt
raneous literature.


r. +ro EDITOR of the Aforristown Gazette:
To protect myself against an ir'
roption of the laurel croaoned, pre-
coed TO fortify myself, concerning
literary matters. I contend that
the majority of literary addresses
are sophomoric I; constructed of fine
words. not fne thought. Choice adj
dresses Of this class can only be ap
precfated by cultivated hearers. As
a specimen brick. will say, "'tis
like fine 6>szie to puncheon floor
artist" You have often heard
.,Heme. sweet home" claimed as q
ballad. 'Tis in one sense, but from
the opera of "Clari, the maid Of Mil
an" A late critique, on an address
by Mai. Pettibone. This was one
of the finest literary productions OF
the age replete with bursting elo-
ouence embelllshed with the grand
est appropriate poetical effusions OF
the ablest authors" Now, here's a
dictionary knocked into pie. The
address was "replete with bursting
eIoouence." Any one who knows the
Major, and his explosive nature, Will
endorse this. The only chance
/
would be, he is thin, and would
stretch nightly. But, he not only
reached tue bursting condition, but,
decked his dynamite speech with
the "grandest appropriate poetic
sfusions." If the Major had gone
m. these "effusions" would evident
Nv have been "all blown to thunder" "
1 have in my hand an average
literary address. which was consid'
cred of sufficient merit to publish in
pamphlet, aud which will quote in
detail: 1--WE cannot draw picture
larger than the canvass upon which
it is drawn, yet every one can men
tally see things ten thousand times
as large as the body. We then
know there is a spiritual and a nat
ural body" This man commits
manslaughter on optics and perspec-
tive, and then draws an inference,
ouintessence of absurdity. Again
cit would be we'll to remember, that
the farther thing is removed from
matter the more powerful it is IN
action" Now, what the fellow ID
drawing at, is drawn from water
converted into steam. His infer
ence, that either IS all poaUeiJltI. In
his case, acind ecaS eUerything. Next,
"an institution whose blessings will
expand as they float down the
stream of time, and hover in CRATE
fuI volumes around the temples oil
eternity" Now amt that heavy
especially the grateful volumes"
Then "the name of Phenicia, the
inventor of writing, will flourish
greener, and live longer, than Of
Min, the conqueror Of Egypt"
Here we have a figure, of the
"Ephesians dome" pattern. Ph@
nicia was a place, not a man. But
in the name Of Abraham forgot
Isaac, and Isaac forgot Jacob, a0hC
is MIN Coptic scholars are re
guessed to reply. Rameses and
Cambyses please drop us line, OF
send word to Min. Again "ship'
did not stem the most tempestuouf
seas and oceans against wind and
tide, until the idea of applying
steam had been conceived" This
ia pure bosh. Think of Columbus
coming over in a steam tug or Drake
consuming the bituminous. Then,
"steam trains now mingle the de-
parting wall OF the Atlantic with
the salutations of the Pacific" This
is gush of the first water. and
damned thin gush at that. Now
listen, "the sunbeam assumed the
matchIess pen of the Inner. after II
had been imprisoned and saturated
by the thought of man." Think OF
it, ponder over it, my dear hearers
take it home to your firesides and
show your little ones the ''pen ~
of a Inner" and stick it in Aatu-
rated sunbeam" and see the beam
SQUIRT. No sound is heard where
the Roman forum once stood, but
the song of the shepherd and the
lowing of bis flock" Here you
have the campaign, weird, DESC
late piece Of country, just outside
the imperial city; mixed up with
the Forum, which every scheol boy
should know is in the heart Of the
bustling capital of Italy-and then
sheep lo10ing. Baah Now listen
to the closing remarks of this liter
ary quack. "Tho' your first step
may have to be like Diocletian's, TO
the rang of the ladder that is near
est the ground, you may firmly plant
your foot upon the rang Of the lad
der that leans upon a straw, and
when you have thus succeeded you
are not apt to fall by the giddy
depths below nor be blinded by the
sunny heights above" Here he