The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-02-26
Miscellaneous Items.

Marriage" says cynic, "is like put
ting your hand into bag containing
nincty-nine snakes and one eel. You
may get the eel, but the chances are
against Vou."
A courtly negro recently sent reply
to an invitation, in which he regretted
that circumstances repugnant to the &C.
quiescence would prevent his acceptance
to the invite"
A lady in Louisville has a husband
who srores. She keeps clothes-pin
under her pillow; and when his snoring
awakes her, she puts it on his nose, then
sleeps in peace.
"How does my mustache impress yoS?"
asked conceited flop of young lady.
To which she replied: st lmpresses me
with the idea that your upper lip is
mourning for the loss of your brains
In the midst of QUAR- ELI don't
know what keeps me from breaking
your headp' "Well, I know what keeps
me from breaking yours. Pm member
of the society for the prevention of cruel
ty to animals!''
The Boston Transcript says, "a North
End man calls his baby Macbeth, because
it murders Sleep" The story is some
thing like that of the Irishman who call
ed his pig Maud, because she would come
into the garden.-N. o. Pie.
A French paper reports a trial in
which witness testified that he heard
two pistol shots on the staircase, and sent
his wife to see what was the matter.
"You did not go yourself?" "No, sir; I
was afraid of the revolver"
The Austrian Bosnian question has
been thus cleyerly hit of. Two Partisan
ganains are conversing. "a Congress
what is it," "Well, this: I want to do
something for you, so 1 give you that
gentleman's watch and chain. Now it is
for you to 60 and take It,"
Facetious Old Party-"How long do
you say this wine has been bottled, wait
err" Waiter" Fourteen years, SIR
Facetious Old Party-"Lor, didn't know
flies would live as long as that" Waiter
flies, sire'' Facetious Old Party-"Yes;
mean that one kicking about in the bot
tle."
Examination day: present, the school
committeeman; class in morals on the
floor. Ieacher-'What do the sunshine,
the songs of birds, the flowers, the beauti-
full green fields +each?" Bright Pupil
They show the greatness and goodness
of the equator."-N. r.. Jour. Of Educa-
ton.
A little girl, visiting a neighbor with
her mother, was gazing curiously at the
| hostess new bonnet, when tie owner
| qneried, "Do you like it, Laura?" The
innocent replied, "Why, mother said it
was perfect fright, but it don't scare
,ne." Laura's mother didn't stav long
after that.
Souvenir of the exposition by "Cham:''
Small gentleman appears in huge hat,
which ingulfs him to his shoulders. His
wite-But that hat doesn't fit you, my
love. He-That's what I told the man;
but he showed me his gold medal, the
only one awarded for hats, and what
could I do?
Patti gets ninety-nine thousand marks
! for singing in Berlin nine nights. We
remember of getting about that number
at boarding school once for singing one
highland we didn't sing long either.
And they weren't flat marks either. And
we've got some of EN- now, too.-Oshk osh
| Christian Aduocate.
A Norwich youngster of five years,
having been found playing in various
private stables in the neighborhood
where he lived, on being demonstrated
thereupon by his neither, replied: "Well,
l dess if barn was dood enough for
Jesus to be born in, It's dood enough for
little boys to play imp
A little Portland girl recently testified
innocently to the life of drudgery ex-
perienced by the average "Queen of the
household" who does her own homework.
Somebody asked the child if her mothers
hair was gray. ~ don't know" she said,
''she is too tall for me to see the top of
her head. and she never sits down!''
A colored child had a fall from Sec
ond-story window, the other day, and his
mother, in relating the occurrence at a
grocery, said Dere dat child was COM
ing down feet fust, wild every chance of
bein' killed, when de Lawd, be turned
him over, de child struck on his head,
and dere wasn't so much as button flew
off,"
The champion long-nosed man resides
at Sacramento. Its owner was at break
fast, when friend seated on the oppos-
tie side of the table, knowing him to oe
a little near-sighted, remarked, ''There's
a fly on the end of your nose." as
there9' responded the owner of the horn
of plenty. II didn't know it. Just please
scare him off: you're nearer to him than
I amp
care YOU engaged?" said a gentleman
to young young lady from Marysville,
at bali the other evening.
II was, but if that Pete Johnson thinks
I'm going to sit here and see him squeeze
that treckle a-faced Wilkins girls hand
ali the evening, he'll be mistaken, soil.
taire or no solltaire!"
The gentleman explained, and went
out to get air.
A German, in telling rather Mum
chausenish story of his exploits, 'sgave
himself away" in one of the incidents Of
his narrative thus: "In this battle we
lost the brave Captain Schultz. A can
non ball took off his head. His last
words were, Bury me on the spot where
I fell" Had the narrator been an Irish
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