Daily Republican., 1879-01-16
HUMEROUS.

!
ser we'd with emphatic earnestness that
he was an "honest" horse. After the
purchase the gentleman asked what
he meant by an 'honest' horse
why SIR" replied the seller, "when.
ever | rode him he threatened TO threw
me, and he certainly never deceived
me"
"Well, Sambo, what's yer up to now
a-days ?"
40. is a carp'ner and jiner."
Gle! lguess yer is. What depart
ment do you perform %
What department Why ! does the
circular work.
whats dat ?"
"Why, turn de grndstone.'
"G'way.'
At country preaching appointment,
Rev. J. l.. M--met with lady
whom he did not Immediately recog
nize.
"Bro. Jones' daughter" said he, in
quringly.
son, MOI replied she; 81 used to
be- his daughter, but | am married
now !"
A store was broken one night, but
strange to say, nothing was carried off.
The proprietor was making his braS OF
it, at the same time expressing his sur
prise at losing nothing. Not at all sur
prising, said his n-ishbor; 1.-THE rob-
beers lighted lamp, didn't theyt" Yes,
was the reply. swell" continued the
neighbor, they found ur goods mark
ed up so high that they couldn't afford
to take them.
The late Erastus Smith, of Hartford
a prominent lawyer there, used to be
very nrglcctfnl Of his personal appear.
anc-, and wore a sOled coat very much
the worse for wear. one day Richard
D. Hubbard, now Governor Of the State,
met Mr.. Smith wearing a beautiful rose
in his button-hoIr. as not this rose
beautiful one - Quick as flash
Mr., Hubbard replied: 81 should think
it might have grown there
A gentleman who attracted attention
in church last week by crying out
"Iloly Moses" had no intention Of dis
turbing the congregation. He had been
lacking down carpets on the day before
and Just AS he sat down in his pew he
suddenly remembered that he had a
half paper Of lacks in his coat-tall
pocket. We make this explanation in
Justice to his family, who are highly
respectable.
A man may he ever so strong aud
brave and srlt-rrliant, but when tn"
rear button comes of his shirt band
and hi, collar persists in climbing up
and setting on the top of his coat he
feels that his happiness, his every hope
of comfort in this life, is in the hands
of some woman.
A bright little boy, who hat been
engaged in combat with another boy,
was reproved by his aunt, who told
him always to wait until the other boy
"pitched upon" him. "Wrll, .xclalm-
cd the young belliserent, "but it wait
for the other boy to begin Pm fra;d
there won't be any fight"
A cunning lawyer, meeting with a
shr-wd old friend on Whit horse, de
tprlnined to quiz him. "Good morn
ing, daddy! Pray what makes your
hors. look so pale III the face ~ "Ah!
my dear friend" replied the old man,
"if thee would have looked through a
halter 50 long, thee would look pale
too :"
"Protrssor," said student in pur-
suit Of knowledge concerning the habits
of animals, why does a cat while eat
ing, turn her head first on" way and
then an"ther.' 'For the reason,'
replied the professor, that she cannot
turn it both ways ut once
A sieymore, Indiana man, picked up
a stick Of cordwood the other night and
chased cat across the back yard. lie
didn't catch the cat, but he caught the
clothes line between his teeth and now
when he smiles the corners of his mouth
pass each other at the back of his neck.
Rabbi Joshua once met a boy who
carried something in a covered vessel.
MY boy" said the rabbi, "what have
You in your covered vessel" az it was
intended for you TO know" replied the
boy, at would not be covered.
A preacher in Kentucky, the other
Sunday, becoming eXasperated, paused
in his discourse to say: Ladies and
gentlemen, if you will give me your
close attention, | will keep lookout
on that door, and if anything worse
than 4 man enters | will warn you in
time to make you escape.
A fellow in Binghamton went to see
his girl the other day. On reaching
the door he was confronted with sign,
Beware of Paint" That fixed him.
There is something nice about the
balance Of trade. A worthy farmer
who comes to town loaded, with new
wheat almost always COOS home with
old rye.
"Pa, why do You sniff at each oyster
before you swallow it," "ro be surs
that it is fresh, my dear" "But, pa,
you'd know if it was if you swallOwt d
it without smiling at it."
"The Sioux are not contagious" said
an old frontiersman. "What do you
mean" asked a bystander. 81 mean
they are hard to catch, " was the reply.
A lazy boy near Stalnwix has con-
quered the kindling wood question:
He just backs his fathers best mule
against the wood pile and throws the
stool at him.
A Connecticut woman was appointed
the other day, and the first
thing she said was "Now | shall catch
n man ~