The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

phur.
1--WE met by chants" said the choir
singer.
The chiropodist sways the whole
foot's-tool.
DEUTERONOMY as you'd have Onomy
deuter You.
A wATcHs tick records time; a drums
tick beats time.
The man who sets bad example
matches mischief.
How NATURAL it is for an "old seed
to ask What's up?"
GONE to seed-The farmer who wan
ders forth to plant corn.
If attitudes were animated dandy
would never strike one.
The most attractive five-cent counters
are at the treasury, Washington.
III is singular that the warmest part
of room should be where the frieze is.
In the race for matrimony it isn't al
ways the girl that covers the most laps
that wins.
A CHANGE of Hart-Bob Hart, a
negro minstrel, has been converted in
New York.
WONDER why Rowel was not engaged
at some New York theater as walking
gentleman"
If man really wants 20 know of how
little Importance he is, let him go with
his wife to dressmaker.
A KANSAS man who offered bail for
friend was asked by the Judge if he
had any incumbrance on his farm. ooh,
yes" said he-"my old woman"
The average female pedestrian could
not hold up to run sewing machine
mile and half in four days for any
amount of money.-Chicdgo Herald.
THERE is lawyer down East so .ex-
cessively honest that he puts all his
fower-pots out over night, so determined
is he that everything shall have its
dew.
If Mr.. Edison will only invent pro-
cess for making confectionery out of
sugar and 5-cent -cigars out of tobacco,
he will be entitled to niche /, section A,
Temple of Fame.
SUPPOSE that the wearing of colored
stockings does poison and cause the
death of hundreds of women. Are not
second marriages often happy DE
troit Free Press.
WHEN you see the announcement:
Women at the polls" you may rest as
sured that woman has gone up head,
and that man, like the prophet, has
gone up bald-headed.
A LADY told her little son, who was
teasing for something to eat, to wait
until breakfast. With tear in his eye,
he burst out: IT jest honestly some
times think you're a stepmother!"
Mr.. RAGsDALE broke his engagement
with poor girl to marry rich widow,
and jury compelled him to pay 5000
damages. WELL" he said, as he hand
ed over the money, Il am still about
$40, 900 ahead by the change"
4 Mr.. ISAAC V. GREEN, of Michigan,
In other words
He ran away with his spouse's aunt.
And never again
Thus proving anew what rare old plant
Is the Michigan L. V. Green.
Atlanta Constitution.
No FIRsT-cLAss reporter will ever for
get to add at the end of an unsuccess-
full burglary item that the fellows over
looked box containing 81 900 in cash.
This always makes the burglars mad
enough to shoot Observation-Disclosures
Free Press.
MATRIdoNY.
Marriage Is like flaming caudle-lght
Placed in window on a summers night,
Inviting all the insects Of the air
To come and SINCE their pretty wingets there.
Those that out butt heads against the pane;
tt,ata In k,.tt haa Ia 10 OF ,,,ta.
Odd Poet.
SAY, Sambo, does you know what
makes de corn grow so fast when you
put de manure on it?" "No, / don't,
hardly, 'cept it makes de ground
stronger for de corn" Now, I'll Jest
tell We. When de corn begins to smell
de manure, it don't like de 'fumery, so
it hurries out OBJ de ground and gifts mp
as high as possible, so as not to breathe
de bad air"
/ THINK it was in September, if / now
rightly remember, that heard knock,
knocking at my door; yes, know twas
in September; he had been there about
fifty times before had been there knock
ing at my door. But opened not, nor
wondered, as upon my door he thun-
dered, for he yelled: Say, now, will
you settle this ere bill bring you ?" as
he battered upon the door; and / an
swered, calmly answered, "Nevermore."
oil City Derrick.
EXTRACT FROM THoMsoN's SEASONS.
Ye. too, We winds. that now begin to blow
With bosterous sweep, 1 raise my voice TO you:
Where are your stores, We powerful beings. sayy
Where your aerial magazines. reservd
To swell the brooding terrors of the Storm
In what far distant-Hoopi
Why In thunder pas We by
Ten thousand people. each with az much
Hair a. a country schoomaster,
To seize in thy embrace the new silk hat
OF the baldest man in Christendomy
And here's two dollars and half
To the boy that catches IL before
IL gets outside the corporation.line
- Cincinndu Enquirer.