The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-01-23
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
APA1R of drawers.-Two dentists.
PEOPLE of settled convictions-Pris-
Oners.
ONthe tramp-The flea.-Meriden Re-
corder.
A CELEBRATED case-Stewart's bur-
ial case.
The last thing out-My bed-candle.
Punch. !" r.
"INro. the chaws of DEATH" said the
man who fell among the teeth of
buzz-saw.
"a pANEsrAK1Na FELL ow," said the
]. p, as he fined a man for stealing win
Douglass.
THERE are very few people in the
world who can grow better by taking
themselves for pattern.
A FEMALE wig dealer ought to be
good musician; she has a soul for hair
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
HOLD on! we've thought of some
thing. Now, without joking; where
does rapid trahsit?-Gora'ada Enter
prise.
WHEN farmer gets in his grain he
clevates it, and when it gets into the
farmer it elevates him.-RocEland
Courier.
We rather think that the most reluct-
ant slave to vice that we ever saw was
a poor man who had his fingers in one.
-Eln,ira Gazette.
AN Arkansas gentleman shot man,
"just to see him kick" 1t would be
good idea to hang that gentleman, just
to see him wriggle at the end of a line.
IN. o. Picayuae.
The husband feels kind of sullen,
selfish pride as he says, II and mine,"
but the wife's whole being pulsates
with Joy as she placidly remarks, 1--WE
and ours. 1.-THE Modern Age.
ACCORDING to q Continental news
paper, occupation is when you take
possession of something without ask
ing the proprietor's leave, and annexa-
ton is continuing not to ask it.
ALL sorts of old materials are used
in the manufacture of pocket-books.
We have never heard of catskin being
used, but should think it might answer
for the purr purse.-B0stoa Com. But-
letin.
COPPER money is coined for exclu-
sively religious purposes. 1t enables
q man to feel that he has contributed
to the spread of the Gospel without
drawing too heavily upon his income.
IN. Y. Herald.
| THERE is one phrase, without which
half the pleasure of life would be taken
away. 1t is q phrase of irritation to
one party and of extreme satisfaction
| to the other, whenever anything goes
wrong. 1t is, IL told you So"
We thought the man who was around
last summer, inquiring if it was "hot
enough for your was dead, but he
isn't. He has turned up again, with
the idiotic query, els it cold enough
for you?"-Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"WHEN l wath a little boy" lisped
a very stupid society man to q young
lady, "all my ideath in life were
thentered in being a clown" "Well
there is at least one case of gratifed am
bition," was the sharp reply.-St. Louis
Spirit.
"OH dear; meant to mend your
glove" said Mrs. Jones, as Jones drew
on glove without any ends to the fin
gers, on a cold morning. And Jones,
who had not recovered from the lodge
meeting the night before, said, 81 &C
cept the 'mend-meant.' IN Y. Mail.
A MAN will sit still in the theater for
three hours and think the play the
shortest he ever saw, and yet sit as un-
easily in his pew on Sunday as though
he were being used for a pincushion,
and think the twenty-minute sermon
the longest he ever heard.-M Y.
Herald.
LARGE scale maps of Afghanistan,
printed on calico Observation-Disclosures,
have been distributed among the Off
GERS and men who are taking part in
Gio campaign against the Ameer. The
British Army doesn't mean to be en-
trappedin the wilds of Afghanistan, not
if it nose itself.
DURING dense fog q Mississippi
steamboat took landing. A traveller
anxious to 60 ahead, came to the un-
perturbed manager of the wheel and
asked why they stopped. "Too much
fog; can't see the river" "But you
can see the stars overhead" EYES,
replied the urbane pilot, I" but until the
biler busts we amt going that way"
The passenger went to bed.
SOME statements from an English
newspaper do not bear out the stories
of the Jews flocking to Palestine. A
new synagogue, said to be one of the
finest of its kind in Europe, has just
been opened at Warsaw. It cost $780,.
600, exclusive of the cost of the ground
| on which it is built. 1t is said that
hundreds of Jews are leaving Palestine
for Russia and other countries, and
that the streets of Odessa are full Of
Jews.
YEARS ago the Boston & Albany Rail.
road made rule that passengers
should not ride on tickets intended to
be used in the opposite direction from
that in which they were journeying.
One day the conductor came to well.
dressed middle-aged lady, just after
leaving Worcester on the western.
bound express, who handed him q
ticket from Palmer to Worcester. He
protested that, although very sorry, the
rules of the company wouldn't allow
him to take that ticket for moment,
The lady said that she had bought it in
good faith, but had never before had
an opportunity to use it, and intimated,
with studied politeness, that all such
regulations were senseless. And final.
ly she remarked, 81 am willing to
ride backward all the way, if that will
be any comfort to YOU" He took the
ticket.-Springfe ld( Mass. Republican.
Dawn on the Moon.
l sek IL IL