The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-11-29
VARIETY.

Gen. Hood left nothing but his children. 1t
is probable, therefore, that his will will not be
7esntestsd.
s The watch word in the solid south If any
man attempts to vote outside the party, shoot
him IN the back.
The London journals remark that Talmage's
English trip was dead failure, bat Talmage
smiles complacently and wreathes up his supple
right l., point with his index toe at the we'll
filed ba- that makes the most important part of
his luggage
At the froat gate, two weeks before the we'd
ding. tie: - My sweet my darlingl' She
s.WiIIic my love" At the front gate two years
after She: .. Bill, where you going?" lie:
'sNonc o. your business"
nv rruudfathers hair was gossIest black
But it
turned
Never turned black again,
And the old man dyed
Cato. since deceased, said ''that man approach
ed nearest the gods who knew how to be silent
even when ne - right" We are now so godlike,
then "a - the HauCkeye, when the man who Is
holding the other side OF the argument is of an
irascibIe temper, and weighs as much as three of
Us.
Adversity has Its use like any other disagree
able thing The man who IS never sick, never
knows how good it Is to have a troop OF friends
rush In and set down at his bed side and tell him
in the most solemn manner that his doctor has
Lost AZ least three patients out of four all the year
round.
FoRA DISH OF SCASDAL--Take handful of
,vbnt she said, another Of what he may have said,
,, OUNCE of what you and said; favour with a
-nrio OF possibility, and two Of probability; mix
well together with a whIsk OF spite, IN bowl OF
ieaIousy near fire of supposed injury, till
warm: and you will have a dish large enough for
an ordinary tea-party-
Mrs A: Somebody's IN the next room.
wonder what they're DONG Cooking wist-
fuHy at the koyhOle) - I've good mind to
neck Mrs b. s'Oh l wouldn't; 'tisn't
right Mrs \: II don't care; I'm just dying
40 know" puts eye to keyhole, but immedi-
ateIy takes il away, disconcerted.) "H m the
kew i in" Mrs B: .'Ycs, so l found before you
came in.
When asked at the table how you prefer
thing-for instance, If you will have cream on
your berries, OF sugar on your tomatoes, or what
part Of chicken you preler-make some choice
IL Is awkward to make other people choose for
YOU. Do not say: - 1t makes no difference; am
not particular
A little boy, the son Of an orthodox PrGsbyte-
rian in this city recently listened attentyely to
some conversation in regard to Jesus having been
n Jew. At last he could stand it no longer and
broke out with: "Well, / don't see how that
could be, when God, bis father, was a Presbyte-
ran. " T. OOHLHcJCNdt.
The most original verdict was that of an Irish
iury before whom prisoner pleaded - Guilty, -
throwing himself upon the mercy of the Court.
The verdict was .sNot Guilty. The Judge in
surprise. exclaimed, ..Wby he has confessed his
crime - The foreman responded Oh, my
lord YOU do not know that fellow, but we do.
He is the most notorious liar IN the whole eOun-
try. and no twelve men who know his character
can believe a word be says" 50 the prisoner es-
caped, as the jury adhered to their verdict.
A LADY in Portland, Me-, called at jewelry
store and after making purchase went home.
Two hours later n messenger called at her house
and informed her that she had left something at
the jewelers. Now, let US see,' she mused,
G.what can It can it be Here is my pocket-book
and there on the sofa is my fan, and have got
NV nv gold watch here, and my bonnet, why,
where is my bonnet? oh, there 1t is on the floor
n fell off the table-and really | can't think what
\ have forgotten-why to be sure How absent
minded I am / declare If l haven't forgotten
NV darling, precious little babel" And 30 she
bad-only that and nothing more.
On HrcKoKY's BLUFF WAY.-Long years after
the CAPTURE Of Stony Point. when Andrew Jack
son was President, a visitor at the White HOUSE
remarked that the Postmaster in his town (whC
ssLeId over'O was enemy of the President
and had been heard to call him ''scOundrel :!
and urged the removal Of the ill-mannered officer
EsWhaf sort Of person Is he?" inquired th'
President The visitor admitted that the Post
master was aged and honorable man, and IN
cidentIy remarked that he was one Of the suryI
gcrs Of the Battle Of Stony Point. "What /?
said the President, rising from his chair, Nv a
he really with Anthony Wayne at Stony Point 2
ssHe certainly was" replied the visitor ''Well
tben - said Old Hickory. ''he has perfect rIgh
10 call me a scOundrel every day IN the week
and be Postmaster during his natural hie- :