The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-12-27
VARIETY.


and n jack will skin them every time.
WHAT He Calls THEx.-A young man who
keeps collection Of the locks Of hair OF his lady
friends, calls them his hair-breadth escapes.
Ifyour wife objects to kissing you because you
smoke, simply remark that you know some girl
who will That settles 1t.
a Nebraska druggist got boy to take big
sniff Of hartshOrn as Joke; boy kicked over
kerosene lamp; OIL took fire; loss on store,
81 300. The druggist is now driving team.
After waiting four years Michigan lover fin
aIiy popped the question, and the girl answered,
=. OF course Ill have you; why, you fool. you,
we could have been married three years ago"
..Juge not lest We be juged,' was copy re-
Gently ''set' by teacher in one of the public
schools Of Chicago. Doubtless that teacher con-
siders spelling one Of the ornamental branches.
.. Twenty wears ago. said Georgia phIloso-
pher, ''niggers wuf a thousand dollars piece.
Now dey would be deah at two dollars dozen.
It's 'stonishin' how de race am ruunin down. >
Josh Billings says he has no objeekshun to a
man parting his hair IN the middle; alwuz insist
on him finishing up the job by wearing short
gown and pettI-kOat-
Josh Billings SAYS: g will state, for the in
formation Of those who haven't had chance to
lay in sekrIt wisdom freely az have, that one
single hornet who feels well can break up 4
whole camp-meeting
If YOU want TO talk heavy science, say pro-
toxyd Of hydrogen instead Of ice. IL sounds
bigger and not oBe man in thousand will know
what you mean
Everything has recently advanced in price ex-
eept liberty, which remains ut eternal vigilance
with liberal reduction to the trade.
An innocent exchange has a dissertation on
- Why the hair comes out" After the editor
gets married he will write wholly on other sub
jects, deemng that too simple.
Cunning accidents have been so numerous this
year that it is a very poor doctor who can't afford
his wife a new silk dress this inter.-PhiLadek-
Phia Chronicle Herald.
Where do paragraphers 90 to when they
die p asks the Houston NeiCS, and the PhIadel-
phia Chronicle Herald replies: .'If il isn't from
the humorous to the grave, we give it up
The butterfly. the butterfly.
How doth the butterfly? and why7
Because the hired girl doth make
The round. fat. toOthsome buckwheat cake
AYE. this Is why doth butterfly
There Is a touching beauty in the pale wild
rose that grows by the dusty wayside, half choked
with thistle down; but IL is all lost upon the
man who breaks both bis back suspender buttons
when he stoops to pluck it.
There are many moments of sadness in an
EDITORS life, but there occasional CLEANS of
ioy, one Of which is when a pile-driver falls on
the head Oi the man who Is in the habit Of look
ing over copy in the editors desk.
A foolish nan married dumb woman because
she could never scold him. Imagine his anguish
when she writes out her curtain lectures on
slate and when he comes home at i A. n. makes
him read them aloud to her, that she may know
he does read and understand them.
side, with happy children sitting around it,
haven't you p said the Judge. Yes, SIR" said
Mr. Thompson, who thought be saw a way out
Of the difficulty. s'Well," " said the Judge - if
the happy children sit around the cheerful fire.
side until you return, they will stay there just
forty-three days, as l shall have to send you up
for that time
In a certain town in YOlO County is n mercan-
tile house owned by Jonas Hugg and he employs
a very amiabe young clerk, by name Sylvester
Smile. They are both represented as amable
gentlemen, and it Is said that young ladies take
a peculiar delight IN dropping INTO the store to
see the clerk Smile and Hugg the proprietor.
She hung upon his arm so IovingIy-he was
her heaven-and beamed up in his face with all
the radiance Of those pale blue eyes Her heart
would speak. and yet the tongue refused its ut
terance. But love and admiration broke the
spell, and from the the rapture of her soul she
breathed forth, ''Your mustache is beginning to
grow, George.
GIRLS, if you want to encourage young men,
get an album. It's the first thing a bashful
young man grabs when he enters a strange house
where there are girls. We've seen them look
through one till they knew every picture by
heart, from page one 10 General Grant in the
back part. Its wonderful what interest bash
ful man will xe in a girls grandmother and
pug-nosed a. e at the first visit, but it's always
so. Get EN- girls. It's the best thing in the
world to occupy fellows hands, and its a sure
cure for basbfulness.