The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-05-29
FACTS AND FANCIES.

A POLITE Syracuse girl calls it Benja-
minzine.
A WIFE in the house il worth two in
the street.
TRUTH is stranger than fiction, for
there is less of it.
If an old sheep con only jump fence
they call it spring lamb.
MISS Con sTRUcTIoN - Whalebone,
paint, powder, and so forth.
THE mule kicks in the way he does
because he cannot talk back.
IMAGINATION goes long distance with
a five cent cigar Picsyune.
CUPID's shafts at present seem to have
some connection with horse and family
carriage.
EXTREMES meet with table supplied
with oxtsil soup and beef tongue.
-[Picsyune.
IT is strange that nobody spells Swine
cinnsti correctly or Pitchburg.-[ Pitts
burg Telegraph.
MADAM" said a tramp, wouldn't
you give me an old pair of pants, for m
starvln' to DEATH"
THERE is an old proverb which runs,
Tell everybody your business and the
devil will do it for you"
THERE'S no special style of engraving
engagement rings. A spiders web with
fly in it is very pretty device.
EVE was the first and we reckon the
only woman who did not gather up her
dress in both hands and yell at the sight
of q snake.
FREDDY Ito George)-"Doesn't it
again p George" Well, they fly so fast
i can't see their back"
THE Cincinnati Commercial does not
believe that an spple caused the fall of
Adam, but thinks that it might have
been an orange or banana peel.
THE Pennsylvania legislature is so
corrupt that q rotten egg smashed
against the speakers desk smells like a
bank of violets.- Cincinnati Enquirer.
LOVE is q game of pitch and catch.
He throws" his affections and she gen.
ally catches them on the first bounce.
In the end, both fetch up at the 'home
base"
CONGRESS should pass law suspend.
ing the third commandment during
housekeeping and stove-moving time.
Even the clergymen would favor such a
measure.
THERE are a good many people who
think that in place of the word 'sp-
plause" scattered through Col IngersolPs
lectures, there should appear the words,
"cheers from the pit"
LITTLE six-year-old was obliged to take
a dose of medicine that left an unpless-
ant taste in the mouth. When asked
how he liked it, said: cts good
enough, all but the end of it."
1T just happens this way, the New
Orleans Picayune says, that the biggest
strawberries art at the top of the box.
There is not room for them below,
when the bottoms of the boxes are so
near the top.
IT is an editor with modesty the most
intense in the land who writes the fol-
lowing: "Tiring of their Lydia Thomp-
son appearance, the maple trees are
going down in their trunks for their
spring and summer suits"
"WHAT are you looking for ?" asked
one of the widow Bedott's two daugh.
tiers, who were entertaining their young
fellows on the piazza rather late one
night last summer, of their mother, who
seemed to be looking for something
around the front ward. "The morning
papers, answered the widow. Theyoung
men left.
ABSOLUTELY THE LAST ADMITTED
" How is your wife's health" said one
Toledoan to another. SIS she well?'
e. Well -? Hardly ever" was the response.
The questioner gazed sternly at the
questioned, but finding that he meant
it, put up his revolver.-[ Toledo Com
mercial.
TENDER-HEARTED Susie picked up a
CRYING kitten on the sidewalk, and nest
ling it in her bosom took into the house
to nurture it. Now" said her mother,
"what did you bring that sere-eyed cat
in for T' With a look OF profound
sympathy she replied: "She amt sore
eyed her eyes are full of grief, poor
thing"
"WHY, papa" said a Market street
girl to her father, as he sauntered into
the parlor, away long in the night, when
she and her Adolphus were conversing
upon the ethics OF the dust and kindred
topics, Why, papa, what are you look
ing for?" "Oh, nothin', just thought,
I'd get up to see the sun rise" Then the
clock struck and the son rose and van
ished ana the old man went back to bed
"WANT any spices or cloves" asked
a peddler of saloon-keeper on Blue
Island avenue one day this week. "Vst-
for want 'um ?" asked the proprietor.
"To take away the smell of beek from
the breath, of course" exclaimed the
peddler. "Tske away dot smell OF
beer /" exclaimed the man behind the
counter; "my Gottl you got some
things vat makes der smell stay on, l
buys him !" Exit peddler.
Chinese Doctrine.