The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-12-24
RaIFS AND WHIMs.
TIE dance for drunkards-the. reel

Government pap -Ine aeAeA y
his Country. B
NEXT to nothing-a girl walking with
the average dandy.
q "a" IS a 60 ahead letter. You often
hear of a leading industry.
You'll always find a good looking
glass.
"THE fairest of the fair" is not al
ways the chairman of the awarding
committee.
The worst Of dying by poison is than
you never. can tell exactly where your
stomach belongs.
A xEY songis entitled My Love She
is a Kitten" Kittens scratch IKE the
mischief, and so perhaps does his love,
Now is the season of the year when
the scissoreditor sharpens his shears ana
smashes up his crediting machine.
ADoLpHUs: Yes; if she is continually
CASTING sheep's ewes at eWe it would be
perfectly safe to say that her eyes AiS
! fambeut.
THE New York papers announce tne
marriage of Mr.. Watson to Miss " atsQQn.
Nyl Watsons ought to follow this
union.
THE naughty boy that sticks pins in
his family pew must feel that there IS
painful necessity for a religious uprising
among his relatives.
A MAN never realizes how frail he IS
until he bursts q suspender button from
his pants among a group of ladies, ana
| finds himself slowly falling to pieces.
A DEAF man can get out of a crowd
| as soon as any one when a collection IS
! to be taken tip, and yet the fact has al
ways puzzled philosophers.
GRACE GREEHwooD, they say, has
embraced spiritualism. Bet you dol
lar spiritualism didn't reciprocate.-Bltr-
dette - "a.
IT is a malicious woman who will
/ slvlv put long hairs on mans cOatJust
to make his wife jealous Henry Word
Bsscher.
They are proving so popular that
a fellow in this city thinks OF starting
! alone association with a young lady OF
! his acquaintance.-Sa Sadie Stone
The last cabbage remaining unsold
is like the most important man IN
hotel diniug-foom; it IS a head-walter,
! Send UP the saure kraut, please.
"IF I punish YOU" said mamma to
her little girl, you don't suppose that
| do SO for my pleasure, do yOuP
"Then, whose pleasure Is 1t for,
thammaT' . a. ..... .rssa. H.t..
THE Graphic says that no really good
man will seek a rich wife. Too true;
the rich wives are all reserved for the
ahem-Clergy.-N y Commercial Id
Vertiser.
THE hardest work many man has
done this fall has been to sit on nail
keg in a country grocery store and tell
what a powerful man his grandfather
was to husk corn. -.....
THE most courageous are frequently
embarrassed whiieaddressing multitude
from a platform, and the thing is all the
more demoralizing if they happen to be
standing on a trap-door.
MANS inhumanity to woman makes
countless thousands crawl cut OF a warn
bed to kindle the fire these cool morn
ings, while they roll over and take an
other snoOze. ......
81 NEVER argy agin a success" say
Josh Billings. " When ] see a rattle
snakes head sticking out of hole, bea
off to the left and say to miself, that holt
belongs to that snaik."
WHEN tramp was offered his Dime
If he would WELD the scythe for an hour
he soliloquized: "To dine-no mower
Ayl there's the grub. ."-Hackensac
Republican,.
GIN cIoalls." says a Paris correspond
ent, II can introduce to your attention
great novelty; it is the Brenda comes
from the cloak described by Waite
Scott a8 worn by this heroine Of his. !
is Of Scotch plaid, and is gathered rouil'
the back of the neck with large velve
rcU, re. A velvet reUer also trims tn
opening for the arm. 1t is a comfortabl
cloak, and very c0nlB1e iEfaut
"LoNG Metre" inquiries "How d
YOU cure hams? Dear Metre, it dt
pends on what ails the hams. If the
} have slight cold, soak their feet in he
water and feed them composition tes
IF there are symptoms of consumptio
) slice thin and fry and the consumptiO
t is assured. If you wish to prevent th
: consumption, hang the ham out door
[ where the sun can strike it for week {
: | two