The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-05-14
What He Was Going to Say.

Young Mr.. Goldsmith, who is a clerk
in one of our dry goods stores upon q
fair salary, and who has for some time
been paying attention to q young lady of
the south-end, whose father is worth
forty thousand dollars, made up his
mind last week that he would finally
settle the question of her regard for him:
Thursday evening he arrayed himself
in his most prepossessing garments, and
omitting his supper from reason of sud-
den and total loss of appetite, he repaired
to the barber-shop, for the purpose OF ae-
quiring that smoothness OF face so much
admired by his young lady. ~.
"Now," said young Mr.. Goldsmith to
himself, /" it will be an excellent oppor-
tunity to think up something. to say,
while I'm being shaved" and he took
his seat in the chair, elevated his heels.
closed his eyes, and put his thoughts in
to reflective order. He said to himself:
."I want to begin with" :. 81 ~
"Shave?" inquired the knight of the
razor. ! "n -,
."Of course" said young Mr.. Gold
smith, somewhat ,tartly, opening his
eyes, "you don't suppose came in to
get tooth pulled, do you?"
The barber smiled in a soft tone, anG
proceeded with his work, while young
MIR. Goldsmith closed his eyes again, and
resumed his musing: .,-@. 49,. ..~,., :,
"I'll begin by saying that she cannot
be insensible to the fact that her.. '.
Razor pulp" broke in the artist, as
he gave an upward stroke under the
chin. ...f ~ ....-.
"No!" replied young Mr.. Goldsmith,
Grossly. THAT her charms have won
for her PLACE in my affections that no
amount Of" -. -. ". =. '.
"Pimples?" inquired the barber, as
young Mr.. Goldsmith WINGED under the
razor; "did I nip pimplep" ".' ".'
$50 ahead" said the young man,
shortly, and relapsed into: THAT
no amount of adversely can ever eradi-
cate. Il have longed to sit and
drink" 49,. :. ....'. ,., ..s...
Ebay rump" ~. ...... ~ '.-
Young Mr.. Goldsmith shook his head,
with wrathful feeling in his breast that
boded the barber no good, and con-
tinued: And drink in the love that
am certain she bears for me. Then |
will kind of lead on until have my" q
"Hair cut?" interrupted the barber,
unconscious of the mischief he was do
ing. A malevolent glare from his GUS
toner answered his question in the neg
ative. -,
q Until I have my points well
stated. continued young Mr.. Gold
smith, to himself, "and then. l will con-
clude by saying-'an and now, dearest
Mary. will yoll have" :.tsr..r
"Any oilp" said the barber, pausing
with the bottle in hand. ,.... '@ ..... =.
And then. tile other customers were
Mortified at seeing q young man shoot
out of the chair, clutch the barber by
the neck. and break the oil bottle over
his head, and then, as he backed the ter
rifed razor-manipulator against the
wall, they heard him scream in a passion
torn voice: ~. ... a. ...- - ~
You miserable apology for phono-
graph, don't want any oil, any sham
poo, any pomatum, any cosmetic, any
cigars-any-any-a-a-aw" -". d
And young Mr.. Goldsmith, grabbing
his coat and hat, tore out of the door
and up the street, gritting his teeth so
hard that he started two gold filings,
and entirely ruined the nerves of an ell
derly woman on the opposite side of the
street. He didn't propose that evening.
-Rockland Courier. ''.. ...'.. ..,' 49, ...