Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-07-18
F. U N !!

Flu N!
MORE CORDIAL THAN HAND SHAKING.
Two men hailed each other from the OPP
posite banks of stream and exchanging
greetings, many friendly questions were
put and answered. The men were evil
IDENTIFY delighted to meet each other, and
their only regret appeared to be that they
encou inferred each other in place where it
was impossible for them to clasp and
shake hands, the river not being fordable
on account of its swiftness and the rocky
and treacherous nature of its channel,
while the nearest bridge was five miles
tunate circumstances very much, but at
length way of getting over the difficulty
suggested itself to one of them, whose pet
name was s'Broncho BiIl.''
81 say, Sam!'' cried Broncho, ''it's a
little rough for old friends and neighbors
to meet away out here, thousands of miles
from home, and then have to part in this
way. Got yer pistol with yer?"
81 hev!" cried Sam; callers carry her!"
"Good! That's some comfort; eff we
can't get across this var stream to shake
hands, why there's nothin' to prevent us
from taking shot at each other. Jist
ride up to your left thar rod or two.
Thar, now, jist one good old neighborly
home shOt!''
The men rode aside, and bang bang!
went their pistols.
s'Yer smashed the pummel ofmy saddle
cried Broncho, ''yer see the boss SHE'D a
little jist as var turned loose. or yer might
pumped me good"
"Y0u done peter, Bill; you got into the
flesh of my left arm bout half an inch.
Good morning to yer, safe journey to yer,
and tell the folks at home we met and had
a good sociable time together!''
ssThank yer, and the same to yer; bet I
give 'em good account of you:''
Sam then turned to our friend and, with
tears in his eyes, said: ''God bless him 1t
is great comfort to meet an old friend
and neighbor like him away out here in
this wilderness place. A kinder, more &C
communicative and agreeable gentleman,
never lived. wouldn't a. missed SEEM
him for $5O!''- Virginia City Enterprise.
A preacher in Kentucky one Sunday,
becoming exasperated, paused in his dis
course to say: "Ladies and gentlemen, if
you will give me your close attention will
keep lookout on that door, and if any
thing worse than man enters will warn
youth time to make your escape"
When man is standing with one foot
on a truck and the other on case on the
sidewalk, and the horse suddenly starts
and causes him to open like pair of
shears, the rapidity with which he can't
decide what to do is one of the insoluble
phenomena of human nature.
When you see woman going towards
the creek with a good-sized pole in her
hand, and wrinkle across her nose, you
needn't think she's going fishing. Not
much; she's got a boy down that way who
promised her, with tears in his eyes, he
would not go swimming.
Every time the average citizen attends
circus he remarks in Disguised manner,
s'when you see one circus you see all" And
to prove the truth of the statement he at
tends each succeeding arenic exhibition
with scrupulous regularity.
An Irish house maid who: had been sent
to call a gentleman to dinner, found him
engaged in using tooth brush. "Well is
he coming asked?" asked the lady, Eyes
ma'am directly; he is just sharpening his
teeth''
The present plan adopted by churches
of making contributions by envelopes en-
ables man to drop two Old-fashioned cart
wheel copper cents in with as much style
and flourish as if they were trade dollars
at par.
John Smiths name has not been men
toned for the Presidency. And it is not
likely that it will be. He is dead. He re-
Gently died in Chicago. two weeks after he
was Iynched in Texas for stealing a horse.
A writer on style says: "It is the fash
ion in France for ladies to take their tea
in bonnets and gloves" One objection to
GQlS Is GudG SOUQ6 OI Uut utW UOuuoto w
not hold much more than a lump Of sugar.
A North Hill man made wager that
he could eat thirty eggs in thirty minutes.
He lost the money. The first egg did the
business for him. 1t was no young, giddy,
inexperienced egg.
Mrs. Ames has story entitled "The
Longest Hour of My Life.' 1t was doubt
less the hour she knew her bean was call,
ing on another girl across the street.
s'Yes, Agnes, Pm going to have
cream colored summer silk, provided pa
doesn't veto the appropriation ma has
passed.
Whiskey is now made from leather, and
this may perhaps explain why so many per-
sons who drink it are always strapped,
Man is fish; woman is the line; her
smile the float; her lips the bait: love is
the hook; and marriage the frying-pan.
The man who was hit in the eye with
lump of anthracite explained to his friends
that ha nnarnIv cOt cOaled in It..