The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1879-12-27

The glee-club had been given the
hint, and as soon as the triangle had
sounded and the meeting declared open,
they sang:
De house fly he am seen no mo-,
DE skeeter's mighty dead;
De humble bee, oh! whar am he?
Oh. whar's de hornet fed?
Soft butter 1t bez hardened mp,
An taller's on de brace;
An folks kin make a buckwheat cake
To look 'em in de face.
Wild pork an taters in de house,
An wood behind de doah,
De winter drear dis club can't skeer,
Wild all its windy roar.
Brother Gardner bowed his acknowl-
edgments with Senatorial dignity, and
then advanced and said:
ST was axed de edder day what dis
club didn't believe in, an de queshun
was one deservin' of thought an re-
fiekshun. Speakin' on behalf of all
dose present and missin',- / think kin
say:
81. 1t doan' believe in hangin' clothes
down cellar to dry.
"2. 1t doan' believe in putin ten
dollar boss in front of fifty-dollar
wagin.
ss3. 1t doan' believe dat talkin' poly
ticks will buy Goldfish, or dat disputin'
on religun viii darn socks.
mouf an holes in de butes help man to
git job.
as. 1t doan' believe in payin' cash
down for penny whistles an runnin' in
debt for grindstones.
"6. 1t doan' believe dat de world
owes any man what he doan' work fur
an put in full time at.
81. 1t doan' believe in singin' frew its
nose when its mouf hez muffin else to do
but to sing"
VENTILATION.
At this point the Reception Commit
tee donned their vestments and pro-
ceeded to the ante-room and brought in
the Hon. HascoeB Billings of Maryland,
Familiarity known in that State as "Or-
ator No. ~ After his introduction he
announced that he would speak for a
few minutes on the subject of ventila-
ton, and began:
"De subjeck o. ventilation am one
dat earnestly consarns all folks who live
by breathin', an we neglect it at our
peril. De out doors am ventilated
enough, but inside de houses of de land
turks a fiend known as foul air. He
gets in dar by varus means, an he mus
be put out or sickness results. Open a
doah an what do you feelP"
81 feel coldi' solemnly replied
Pickles Smith. as the speaker paused.
A club was laid up for him, and the
orator continued:
"You feels rush o. pure air. 1t
sweeps in, cotches de foul air by de
froat, frows him on his back, an de
lungs expand wild pleasure agin. Two
cullud pussons an dog, sleepin' in an
ordinary-sized bedroom, pizen de at
mosphere at de rate of bar'l an hour.
If dar' was no chance fur fresh air to
circulate aroun' de room de man would
wake up wild red eyes an a backache,
de woman would git out o. bed an kick
de chairs aroun', an de dog would SLOUGH
aroun' de back yard widout courage to
tackle bone. Nebber shut out de
fresh air, my frens. Sleepin' wild de
feet ober de foot-board can't compare
wild inhalin' de keen, cool air, made of
de best materials, warranted not to rust,
an giben away to all.r
SNAKE HOME HAPPY
Col. Elderberry Southdown of Texas
was next introduced to the club. He
said he had only few minutes to spare,
having agreed to be at certain spot at
certain hour to buy dog of resi-
dent, yet he felt like saying something
on the subject of making home happy.
" How many unhappy homes is dar in
dis kentryP" he inquired after taking
drink of water. g Oar is millions an
hundreds an dozens, an why? know
husbands who come home wild smile
on de face an kindness in de heart. Dey
whistle to de children, speak kind
word to de ole woman, saw up fence
rail for wood and eat what am placed
before dem widout grumblin'. know
odders who slam de gate, bust in de
doah, kick de dog under de bed, bounce
the chill'en aroun', cuss de stove, jaw
de ole woman, an upset de table
kase dey hewitt got fried oysters for
supper. Ebery man orter consider dat
his wife hez feelins an dat his chill'en
am human, an dat his dog am not to
blame fur bein' in dis world. Doan'
be afraid to slap yo' wife on de back an
call her old gal. Dey likes it. Glib de
chill'en show. If ye want de dog to
go under de bed outer de way, speak
kindly to him and reason wild him. Wild
desc few exhilerations / will now en-
compass my time and deviate to all of
you happy and previous career"
THE CLOSE.
The hour for closing having arrived,
the triangle was sounded and the whole
club joined in singing:
lie got my arctic overshoes--
lie all prepared to go.
-Scalloped Oysters: One quart of