, 1879-03-01
DiverSities.

1t is Just as easy to love rich girl as a
poor one.
David Davis pronounces the new hug
waltz failure.
If silence is golden. Don Cameron Is the
richest man in the United States senate.
Never ask a lady how old she is. nor
what she is going TO wear at the masquerade
It takes a good deal of grief to Kill
woman Just after she has got new sealskin
sacque.
Considering the absence Of Colonel Fred
Grant, the last Indian waE closed very ex-
peditiously.
1t didn't take to I to make Grevy
President of France, and he isn't al Ohio
man either.
Owing to the rapid disappearance of the
real article, cigar store Indians IN the East
have advanced in price.
Conkling's home organ stopped-short-
never 10 so again-the day after the old man
died.
1t waa an organ grinder who remarked Of
mule that he had q splendid cas-, bnt
very poor voice.
The muscles of the human Jaw exert a
force of 534 pounds Think of that. young
man, In choosing partner for life.
We have ever been ready to say !. good
word for heans, but it has just dawned upon
us that bean-stalk themselves.
Miss --, Of this city, says she has an
admirer who is so awfnlly hard up that lie
cannot even pay his addresses to her
The Grant movement is booming. The
Generals old friends are going back tc the
senate and TO the penitentlary at RAPID
rate.
The army is to remain at its present figure
Of 25, 600 men, the House having refused to
reduce it to p, 900. This, We guess, is right
enough.
'.He licks the docile postage stamp in
stead Of the intrepid Yankee. as of yorc,
says Georgia paper OF General Longstreet,
which is r II.
We can hardly restrain our tears on read
ing kalamazoo paper that the icy hand OF
the pale horse has been laid on one OF tie
best citizens of that unhappy city.
What does the phrase, "The Grant move
ment is booming. mean? asks a correspon-
dent II it doesn't mean that the diStilier-
les are in fail blast, We give it up.
1t is charged by the Detroit Free Press
that Julia Ward Howe smokes. That reck
less and mandacious paper viii presently
charge that Zach Chandler drinks.
1t only took seven hours to lick Conk
ling. For fellow who has made SO much
fuss and so many greatest efforts Of bis
Lie, " this was finishing HIM up iii : harry.
The average woman is composed of one
hundred and forty-three bOIeZ. one hum
dred and sixty-nine muscles, twenty =one old
newspapers and two hundred and ten hair
pins
1t is poor exchange, indeed, the Cincin-
natl Enquirer declares, if We have wrested
this land from tie heroic North American.
savage only to recOnvey ii to the puny,
greedy, grinning apes of Asia.
Keep to your calling: let no man induce
you t. abandon that wiioh you have studied
for years, In the VAN attempt To learn new
trade IN Il month. Success springs from III
dustry and perseverance.
when Pennsylvania seEdS such indi1!d-
wonder the really smart men are giving up
politics in disgust and tuning their atten-
ton to couut,r:eI:ing-
Extravaganza will be the ruination Of this
The sai.e people who are to-day
choping away the ice from before tier
doo,S VIII be heggiag the ice man to drop a
lia2e thsro next suInu4er.
Dru,nuers viii fight shy Of Washington,
Ia, for two of the illl haze been fined so
apiece for flirting with the girls there, one
Of tEeG being proved 10 have made love to
= OF the fair sex in one short week.
Many OF the newspapers OF the West are
nrging Logan 10 contribute his hack pay 10
the conscience fund. 1t would be necessary
for him to first catch his conscience, and
wouldn't, probably, have the slightest idea
which way 10 go in search OF it.
Matt Carpenter and John \. Logan will
he glad - See each other IN the senate, the
Cincinnati Commercial suggests. One has
hair and brains, and the ether tongue AMI
hair. Both bloom WITH the same great prin-
ciples-
Mrs. Swisshelm," an exchange tells us,
Says the only way to civilize the Indian is
to put hoe in his hand and tell him to hoe
or perish" Go back III two hours and you'll
tind that he has swapped his hoe for n quart
of whlzky and is Off perishing Ike a lord
The Atlanta Consultation says: '.If Grant
really wants a position IN this country, We
hope congress will employ him to mobilize
the tramps and then put him in command Of
them. As a brigadIer hummer he would
0utshine any American OF whom We have
any knowledge
General Grant can sail and sail as peace
fully over the Chinese seas as il he were a
floating sonl on the waters of the blue Fesu-
Wan bay. The Republican party is being
backwards, and viii soon be down
to his level. Logan, Carpenter and Chan
der viii soon take their stand for hiIn III
the senate.
IN bad health, with unsettled fn.ncial
matters showed out Of the senate in order
to make room for old Zach Chandler and
uncertain about accepting the mission to
Peru, is the agreeable condition in which
Senator Christiancy finds himself What's
the use ef an old fellow having a handsome
young wife, if politics are to bother him in
this manner,
An Oil City young lady IS iastldlous 10
fault She recently discontinued her at
tendance at church, and gave as reason for
so doing that the ministers pants were too
short for him, and her mind Was continually
diverted from religious thoughts by fever
ish longing to have the abbreviated gar
meuts lowered trihe. The particular
thing.
Two ladies met on the street, and one in
quired of the other: ''Why, you look very
happy this morning What's happened =
"Oh, I've just been up having my fortune
told, was the reply; land the woman says
I'm 70 marry twice more. have diamonds
and camel's hair shawl; and that can go
to the opera SIX nights in the week, if I
want to- Dear lae | dol't wonder that
you are happy. But yGl yGn't say any
thing 10 your husband = On, of course
not. Poor man. He's good to ME, and it
might hurt his feelings to know that | am
4 Shspl- I'll TOLL