The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-11-06
Humorous.

ssWhom can we trust?" is the black type
INQUIRY OF an exchange. It is OF no conse-
aueuce.s ssWhom can we induce to trust
us ?,'is the soul agonizer.
A very quiet man peing asked by bis COM
nanion Ia mob whether he could not con-
trIye to "kick up a dust, Every goodnaturedly
said, mo; but II you will let me fetch my
wefe she can do It in less than no time"
s.Don't, dear,'' said Mrs. Darlington to a
child playing with powder-horn, ssdon't
touch the pesky thing, for it may 60 off and
then you'll get burnt as the poor little boy
did that got blowed up by pound Of shot.
It is very difficult for one to see the viz
tues of others unless he has some virtue in
himself. The bad man always suspects
others OF falsehood, and so overreaches him.
self; while the good man is apt to trust
everybody, and go get cheated.
A Frenchman said to his hopeful son -
my boy, marriage is an honorable institu-
ton, therefore would like to have you mar
ry." "very well,'' replied the dutlful
boy, 81 will forthwith wed my sister. ''Your
sister Us exclaimed the astonished parent.
s'But it is not lawful to wed your sister. -
And why not sir? Did you not marry my
mother, pray ~
A calm and philosophical way of bearing
the various ills of life Is certainly very de-
sirable. A gentleman who took rather
broad view Of things in general, recently
lost his wife. Seeing him few days after
ward, and without any badge Of mourning,
friend demonstrated, and hntea that when
so close relation was broken courtesies oil
lie demanded some recognition OF 1t in the
style of dress. "Quite true he replied,
'sbut don't you see, Maria was 20 relative Of
mine, only married her, and why should
put on black"
There is certain charm about French
wit. 1t cuts like the sword OF Saladin, and
its keen edge is sometimes very dangerous
to trifle with. The marriage relation, 8
harness which all Frenchmen wear very
lightly, and which Americans are rapidly
learning to wear in the same way is favor
lite theme for sarcasm. A gentleman il
Paris lately lost his wife, and, as is the Gus
tom in most foreign countries, walked at the
head of the sad procession to the geave. Or
his return home friend condoled with hin
and tried to cheer his heart. Now, yor
must not give way to your grief,' he said
ssyou must walk 10 the open air, because ex
ercise helps one to recover from the excess
OF sorrow.'' Yes. yes" replied the be.
reayed man. sThe advice Is good; l have
already taken promenade to the cemetery
and feel better for it,"
In country church the congregation com.
planned of the cold. The pulpit did not
succeed in making it warm for them aud SC
the trustees told the sextoH-a recent i'm
portation from foreign parts-that he must
keep the mercury at GO or lose his place. a
few Sundays after one OF the deacons entered
the building and found It cold as ever. he
buttoned his oyercoat and used as forcible
language as is becoming in one who holds Q
deacon's position. Going up to tho Their
mometer he found, to his surprise, that il
indicated the prescribed figures, 63. Feeling
little warmer, as one always does wheI
the mercury is up, he said to the sexton
.sJohn, am glad to see that you have obey
ed your instructions. The church is a grea
deal warmer to day. Poor John brighten
ed up, and with chattering teeth, replied
Eyes, sir I've got the mercury up to SO, a
vas ordered, but it was dreadfully hare
work, for I've been standing here all thu
morning with my thumb on it,