Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-07-11
JUST FOR FUN.

The breath Of scandal Is beyond the
control Of cardamon seeds.
.Piuaiore version Il hope
you treat your crew well. Captain Corcc-
ran.-and often.
At recent performance in the New
Haven opcra-house, rs number Of stu
dents left their seats between the nets,
GOOD lady was heard to observe ''Ain't
it too had those fellows have Ia go home
and 20 10 studyng?"
Spring has really got along at last.
remarked Mr.. Smiley. as he glanced over
the breakfast table in search of n palata-
hla mur-.L Il always notice That about
this tiua II l. between hay and grass
about getting anything good to cat. Now
buclvha:d salp-jaeks are Just out of sea-
son and green corn hasn't got along
Hannah. why don't you stir around and
get M a ralishable sort Of a breakfast
1t strikes me that have seen that same
plate cf rolls for three DAYS. ''lchahod
Smiley. them rolls Is Jest hot out Of the
oven. and if they amt good cnough for
such a fault-finding old hunk, Won can get
vour meals somewhere else; / won't he
tied mp to waiting on You for nothing but
foodcatas of her eyes opened and the hot
tears rolled down her face. Smiley look
ed a little shcepish. but managed to get
out-ide of fnur rolls and two cups Of cof-
fee. vowiug that he would send up shad
for dinner. something that wouldn't al
low time for the old gal to get 10 snivel-
inc. "-Ncr HaycH register
4 Young artist has painted the picture
: L.. ri
artistically done that none but the best
from that Of the dog.
George" said schoolmistress To one
of her unruly scholars, why is 1t that
you behave So badly? When You first
came TO school You were obedient, sub
missive and willing To learn /; now you
are Just thr contrary" well. to tell the
truth. marin. said George, Il was not
much acquainted then.
\ new hotel having somehow got th"
reputation of being the headquarters for
Sprituahsts. the proprietor published II
card saying that no spirits could be iound
IN the house other than those usually
found at lrst-class hotels.
TIL verdict Of the coroner's inquest un
the death of child was The child
was sullocated. but there is no evidence
to show that the sufiocation WAS before or
after death.
1t Is Richard Grant White, or Appleton
Moran. or some other student of Shakes
peare. who has discovered that the great
dramatist forrshadowed the Virginia bell
punch. when he makes Macbeth remark
to an attendant "Go. hid your mistress
! i.
the bell
They Hay profanity was not known III
the world until one day, somewhere about
800 Years before the Christian era. when
Aristides, chasing from his Office III dcs-
pcraf,. hast. to catch the last street ear,
was stopped by 1hemistoclrs, who want
ed t, tell him how the rheumatism had
been troubling HIM nearly all winter and
how many things he had tined for it
Eoifiuy'pU Ha~L'y'.
The alleged wits Of Paris are credited
with three tolcrably good things, rs fol
lows Traveller at country railway sta
tul- What is the way out OF here, "h =
Por-E, tn, door, sur N has N VAN
cssayed The theatre, noyel-wriling, i"nl-
nalism- fortune romans unkind. ''Still
ont uf luck queries a friend. on seeing
him walking the boulevalds on his uppers.
''Out oi luck why, sir, If were to turn
shoemaker everybody would iuStanta-
nauu- lv u. born without leg that 5 ths
sort 81 ig-s I have. Well. hpwI- poor
So-uud-su. =" sand some one to ,1u-aud-ap'
fri. n.l. a broke. ''sSo-md-so2 Why he's
dead: died last night" Last night
At what hour" ~"
w learn from the Groy,hjcthnt "everN
adult man las / i0O square feet of lungs
or. rather. the mucous membran" lining
the air cells Of his lungs, If spread upon
smooth. plane surface, would cover al
extent Of 400 square feet. Any gen
tleman doubting this statement can easily
satisfy himself as to its truth by taking
out the mucous membrane of his air CELL
and measuring it, while it lies spread upoI
a smooth plane. Ii it fails tomeasure !,
400 square feet we are sure the Grdph"
viii have tho manlinoss 10 apologize.