The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-02-27
WIT AND HUMOR.
A HoRsE-RACE-C0lts,

IHE sign of the cross-A frown.
BRANCH houses" The florists.
! AN old figure in the German-Nein.
AN uncomfortable suit-A libel suit.
A NICE jam is preferable to an ice
jam. q
LOOK not upon the swine when it is
bled
A BILL-HEAD The bust of Shaks-
peare.
The newborn babe is the creature of
suck emstances.
WICKED young men style scarlet
stockings fire hose
WHEN you have family jar You can't
always preserve the peace.
THERE'S music in the heir" says
Jones. Jones has brand-new baby at
his house.
We suppose no one would care to do
without a tongue. But, after all, it is
only a matter of taste.
YOU'VE ladies think they Miss it by
not, and many a married lady thinks she
Mrs. it in being married.
POVERTY brings some strange pledges
to the pawnbrokers. A poor carpenter
Showed up" window the other day.
THE man who jostles you on the ice,
causing your 1eet to fly out from under
you, is the fellow who gives you the
slip. 80
A PROMISING young man by the name
of Waters says his paternal progenitor
is famous as being "the father of
Waters"
The most bashful girl we ever heard
of was the young lady who blushed
when she was asked If she had not been
counting sleep.
PROBABLY the hsppiest combination
in ali this wide world during these merry
boy around it.
The sea-sick lady refused the stew
ards invitation 6oD dinner and called for
the charnbermaid instead. A case of
basin gratitude.
ASK an assuming man to- assume a,
little matter for you, and you suddenly
discover he is the most unassuming per-
son in the world.
WHEN friend of ours, who is an
assistant boekkeeper is questioned as
/ to his occupation, he replies that he is
an underwater" Which he certainly is.
WE were present, not long since, at an
"affair of honor" The principals met at
the appointed time and place, and one
loaned the other 500 without secur-
ity. s-ssss 1esra
| ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS are very frequent
nowadays. While going home On are
cent night, citizen was "held up" by
"a friend n B.-The citizen was in
toMcated.
"WHo is the Father of Lies?" asked
the Sunday school teacher. And agood
little boy on the front row replied:
"Please, sir, Deacon Pillsbury is the
| father of Lie"
A DUTCH saloonist, when asked why
he hung a beer-mug in front of his
place, replied: Don't dot constitution
of the United States say, Hang your
banners on dose outside WALSH SO I
pats mine flag on de front WALL OF mine
shtore."
A REALLY neat tramp, when he puts a
piece of custard pie in his inside coat
t pocket, always places the outside or
crust rim in first, allowing the central
point of the triangle to gracefully hang
over the edge, after the manner of
bandana handkerchief
i WHERE THEY ARE GOING.
Laura sits watching the clouds overhead:
Where are they going, wonder?
Prosaic Tom. from the door of the shed:
at guess they are going to thunderi"
"Where are they going?" Ethel inquiries.
Watching the COWS they pass;
Rudely shouts Bill, with voice like crierrs:
q reckon they're going to grass +"
-0''"eS'9'
Cob, I suppose he loves Sarah and
would be glad to marry her." she was
saying to another woman in the Post
office corridor yesterday, "but I dunno"
"Isnt he nice young MANI" asked the
other. "Well, he's nice enough, but
very reckless with his money. At Christ
mas time he made us a present of
French clock for the parler, and there's
not one of us in the house could speak
a word of French. He might just as
well have presented us with German
thermometer or a Spanish umbrella!
We had to trade it for barrel OF mo-
lasses." Detroit Free Press.
.a HE'D OFFER TO LIVE OFF HER.
twill" Kate said you. Charley, wed,
If you'll through life stand by me-"
"Ill stand you by-if don't lie"
@t.; Quoth Charley but don'ttry me-"
sob yes, / see," said Kate in glee,
~ "You would not have me slight You
BY needless ways in wedlock days;
'Twould be plight plight you."
All right" said he; a" will agree
To take the plight you proffer."
Her wealth was great-he'd chance his fate,
And offer to live off her.
-ChSoa90 Commercial Advertiser.
THE Japanese house, which was a
great attraction at the Exhibition, was
knocked down at $50. The duties
paid on the material of which it was
composed amounted to 81 600.