The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-12-20
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.

4
LATEST things in boots--holes.
THE golden rule--get as much gold
IA possible. 9A
NECESSITY is the mother of Thomas
Edison.
THERE are two things that fellow
can't do at the same time--hold good
looking girl on his lap and not kiss her.
BROOKS.
LEADvILLE has two coroners, one for
day and one for night work. Leadville
is very convenient and cheerful place
to die in.
LAWYER TO wituess---s' Did you say
that an incompetent man could keep
hotel just as we'll rs anybody?" Wit
ness" No, said an inn-experienced
man could"
"CouLpN'T you lend me $5?'' " Yes,
could, but WON'T Then do you
think wouldn't pay you back p Yes,
rou would, but you couldn't"
Contemplate your first baby-you
will remember that he amounted to
great deal, and something over."--
Marx 7aodtn. True, true, he amounted
to good deal and something to carry.
The only difference between a pig
making glutton of itself, and mar
making pig of himself is, that the pig,
at some future day will be cured.
Now Julius loved pretty girl, a
And when he wished TO please her,
lie grabbed her up in both urms s
And sirieked, -" See Julius seize her."
PROFESSOR PRoCToR has been deliver
ing a lecture in New York on " The I'M
vnanatty ~ S,aoa - no., NJ D.xnt.x.
tell what space isY-- Epening Journal
First tell him whether you mean three
EN-, thin, or hair space.
The Lockport Union thinks 0 is next
to nothing. Why, Ives, we thought you
had been there often enough to know
that "nein" was nothing-but, come to
think, perhaps Lockport people never
do decline anything Yonkers Statesman.
ALFONSO was Obliged to borrow g.
100000 for his wedding expenses, Ii
fellow in this country could borrow
couple of millions on such an occasion
the Boston Transcript thinks there
wouldn't be a neglected spinster from
Maine TO Texas.
BROAD Is the road that leads TO debt
And thousands walk together there;
Prompt payments find n narrow rut,
with here and there passenger II
r7oronto Graphic
THE poetic instinct which slumbers
within the breast of every body only
SAUNDERS for short time. Every man,
woman and child imagines that he or
she is born poet. The waste.haskets
Of the land prove it.--Np Hapea
Register.
Ar the Yorktown celebration n
blarsted Hinglishman," after survey
ing the situation and surroundings,
said: can well understand now why
CORVALLIS surrendered Yorktown. II
! owned such a place ] would give it up
myself" af4 sg
A FAMILY is like an equipage. First,
the father draught-horse next, the
boys, the wheels for they are always
running around; then the, girls, they
are surrounded by fellows; the baby oc-
cupies the lapboard; and the mother
well, what's wagon without artongue
anyhow?
BATHTR (thrusting bis. head despair
ingly out of his box)--" Hi, boy,
bo-oyp Boy-"-irT Bather-"Where
are my pants? left them here when
went in, and now { can find any trace
of tHem?'' Boy (having sought vainly
for them on every side)-" Quite sure
you had 'em on when you came here,
sirp' {
GooD music hath charm, says the
Elmira Adyertiser, and sometimes we
would prefer little more charm and
less music. We also love sleep.' 1t lis
then we can't see 80 much charm in
music as other people. We don't know
who left the above sentiment on our
desk, but it is a pretty good thing to
swear by on general principles. m
WHEN you see melancholy man in
an editorial room, tearing his long hair
and moaning to himself as he doubles
over on his desk, you must not imagine
that he is writing up a bloody murder
or a boiler explosion. He is the funny
man, carrying out the "mirthful MI r
sells. "-&. Louis Spirit.
A GENTLEMAN who had been dining
out the night before went into barber
shop to be shaved. He saw that the
barber had been taking more than was
good for him, for his hand shook very
much; and, naturally indignant, be be-
gan to give him little moral advice by
saying: Bad thing, drink p Yes"
said the barber, it makes the skin
awful tender" tf