The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1879-02-04
NUMBER 1858
MISCELLANY.

III "home is where the heart is, what
a vagrant is the coquettel
"This is my oat-of-arms" said fond
wife TO her husband when he folded
her to his manly breast.
A veteran, asked il he could "sleep
on the point Of bayonet, repliet, No,
but he often had pint OF whisky.
In quarrel it is always the well-bred
who will first give way.
A French paper says: "Not one
American in a hundred has a handsome
chin" OF course not, their time is de-
voted TO the cultivation Of cheek.
There is a trackless waste Of differ
ence TO a man between the request
"Will you lend me quarter" and the
invitation "Will you take a drink
Newark Call.
II there is anything more cheering
than TO hear the barber shout Next,
it is TO hear the preacher say FINALLY"
in an extremely long mon.-l Daniel
sonyille Sentinel.
A wife, having lost her husband, was
inconsolable for his death. Leave me
TO my grief. she cried, sobbing; ''you
know the extreme sensibility of my
nerves; a mere nothing upsets them,
"Never kiss q girl il she doesn't want
you TO, says an article on the "Art Of
Kissing" But pretty often when q girl
says she doesn't want you to kiss her is
the very time she does want you to,
and you'd better take the benefit Of the
doubt.
A Young man in this town has paint
ed the picture of a doc and a tree so
lifelike that a person can't distinguish
the bark OF the dog from the bark of
the tree. Whitehall Times.
She sang soprano sweetly-
Her voice was like a lyre
But on Sunday she ate onions
And Thus busted up the choir
4 Wheeling Leader.
Ii has been officially decided, relative
10 a recent fire, that smoke is injurious
TO tobacco; SO that the insurance COM
panies have 10 pay damage. We always
knew il ruined a cigar to be smoked
Lowell Courier.
IN Turkey, the forehead OF the con-
victed author OF notorious falsehood
is branded with not iron. IL Eli Per-
kins lived in Turkey, they would have
TO hang coupons TO him TO accommo-
date all the tallies. - Bridgeport, Conn.
Standard.
Suppose the hangman does bungle
when he hangs q murderer. Did il
ever occur to these sentimental howlers
that the murderer is not at all careful
and tender and genteel when cutting
some woman's throat OF smashing some
old mans skull Free Press.
She (sentimentaD: "Oh, / call this
quite too exquisitely lovely So de-
lightful to see the little early birdsl-
They seem so happy" He (hard up):
"Yes with their little bills all over dew,
too Lively little beggarsl"-L Punch's
Almanac.
The Chaplain of the Maine Legisla-
ture gets So so for each prayer. Unless
he will knock off the odd 90 cents q
member proposes that the Office be
abolished. There are so many Repub-
lican members in the Legislature that
il strikes us this would be bad move.
: Boston Post.
Jones Cwho has been to the "cl1b"
until 2 a. m.)-."Mary, wazzer uze
keeping light sor me, anyway" Mary
because, Henry, you know that
while the lamp holds out to burn the
yilest sinner may return" Jones kept
better hours for the next week or two.
The venerable wife OF celebrated
physician one day. casting her eyes out
Of the window, observed her husband
in the funeral procession of one of his
patients. at which she exclaimed: 81
do wish my husband would keep away
from such professions. 1t appears so
much like a tailor carrying home his
work.
care you engaged?" said a gentle
man 10 n lady from Mar iysville, at ball
the other evening. 81 was, Int il that
Pete Johnson thinks I'm going to sit
here and see him squeeze that freckel-
ed-face Wilkins girls hand all the
evening he'll be mistaken, solitaire or
no solitaire" The gentleman explain
ed and went out to get air.
Punch: Ethel: "It was a most won-
| derful performance, Aunt Tabithal-
/ First, she was shot out OF a commons
mouth onto a trapeze fifteen yards
above the orchestra, and then she
swung herself mp till she stood on n
rope one leg at least 100 feet above our
headsw Aunt Tabitha: "Ahl i always
think a woman lowers herself when she
does that"
A woman lecturer advertises herself
as "child Of nature, wearing the un-
mistakable crown Of genius, and doing
her share in the ever-appointed work OF
genius, the work Of making the whole
world kin. She brings with her the
electricity OF the north, the brilliancy
of the aurora borealis, aud all who
meet her are magnetized.
The other day little "Hub," four
years old, while playing in the nursery,
came across an old doll, rather the
worse for wear. and being in a gener-
Gus mood he took il TO his mother and
said. Mamma, dess / better div dis
TO the swill man when he tums wound,
an p'aps he will take it home to the
| swill lady and let her fix il mp all nice
for the little swill children to play with
wouldn't you, mammal"
| "Will you love me thus forever
| And she looked into his eyes
With glance that seemed token
| OF the fcryor Of her sighs
/ 81 wudnt guaranty IT,"
1 With a smile responded Pat,
! ''For I'm hardly av the notion
That III lasht as long as that"