davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-07-02

A countryman, seating himself at fashion
able restaurant with the intention of taking
hearty dinner summoned waiter and made
known his purpose. The latter skipped
briskly away, and finally returned with a
handsomely bound bill of fare, which he open
ed and placed before the guest, who, pushing
it away, scornfully observed: sob, come
now, you can't cram no literature down me !;
vittals is what / want-yittals-and purity
derned quick, too"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-07-02
A Deodorized extract Of Petroleum,
The Only Article that Will Re-
store Hair on Bald Heads.
what the World has been
Wanting for Centuries.

The greatest discovery of our day, so far as
large portion of humanity is concerned, is CAR
BoLlNE, an article prepared from petroleum, anu
which effects complete and radical cure in case OF
baldneas or whore the hair. owing to diseases OF
.s -.' -. .~. .,.. - go =. Ell ~.
.ae sap '.s esee.s - 80 -.
AUS also SPECIFY reseora'Fe' anu "ihe isn use sc-
luxuriant growth OF hair, 1t also brings back
the natural color and gives the most complete sat
,.,o.,,on a, tho ns,ny Tho falling ont Of tho hair
~ " :. -, ~, 9.-s.'
the accumuntions OF uanuruu, ana the ptehatnro
change in color all evidences of diseased con-
dtion ~ the scalp and the glands which noursh the
h, NJ a~~ost thssa .s,sos ths art;cls usad r,ust
" - "ae's 49, ,.''Ns ~ -
possess medical as wen as chemicai virtues, anu inc
change must begin under the scalp to be Of perma.
nent and lasting beneat such an article Ia CAR
MOI rNr and Ila ,oonv ,th.r ,vonderfni d,scov.
DoAA-'Ns' "s'N' o 'y Ss ''e
cries 1t Is found to consist OF elements almost IN
their natural state Petroleum oil is the article
which is made to work such extraordinary results
Int Il IA after Il has boen chemically treated and
as :. - 49, LOS ~. ~ 1870
compe'e'y ueoooi'Nea snas !. 10 ~ p,oPo. 40.
for the toilet. IL was IN faf-oH hussia tnpt Tue
effect of petroleum upon the hair was first observed,
,e,,ar ,;,e, no,ioad TINT nartoIlv
eoosoi'ne''e onso. "a'i.'e io',oeU 'i.s
baid-headed servant OF hls, whcu trimming tho
lamps, had a habit OF wiping his oibeemeared
h.as a., ~. a...,. ,a,x. .na az .os,it ,,,a. In t.
na"us ~ us sean'! io0As' anu .no '.'"'. vas -.
rev months a much inner head OF olack glossy hait
than he ever had before. The oil was tried on
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-07-02

ia y exclaimed maiden lady looking up
from the paper she was reading, when 1
went to school we were taught that we had
five senses, but here is an article talking
about the tenth census"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-07-02

Billings once and while strikes bottom
fact in connection with human nature, and
this is one of them: /" Thare il no good sub
stitute for wisdum, but silence IL the best
that haz been discovered yet"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-07-02

Saying sharp things doesn't pay. 1t may
crafty your spite at first, but it is better to
have friends than enemies, and if you cannot
make people happy, at least refrain from add
ing to their misery.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
The Noise Of the Life Bleed.

The "microphone" has done some
thing to reveal the " music of silence''
in the working forces of life and nature.
In the following a natural microphone
is suggested, which every one can try
for himself:
In a recent number of the Medical
Record DIR. Hammond says that when
you poke the end of your finger in your
ear, the roaring noise you hear is the
sound of the circulation in your finger,
which is fact, as any one can demon
strate for himself by first putting his
fingers in his ears, and then stopping
them up with other substance. Try it,
and think what wonder of a machine
your body is, that even the points of our
fingers are such busy workshops that
they roar like q small Niagara. The
roaring is probably more than the noise
of the circulation of the blood. 1t is
the voice of all vital processes together,
the tearing down and building up
processes that are always going forward
in every living body from conception to
death.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
Why A Horse Baked

A Hartford man recently bought q
young horse for $500. Within a week
or two the horse began to act badly,
and finally developed such a balky dis
position that the new owner could do
nothing with him. Persuation Of every
kind and finally severe beatings were re-
sorted to, but still the horse remained
stubborn. At last,i desperate mood,
the horse was taken to the original owner
who bought him back for 325. The
cause of the whole trouble was soon dis
covered. The horse had been broken
to wear q names collar, and had never
worn any other kind-his owner had
put breast-collar on him after using
him little while, and no one " happen-
ed to think" that this change had pro-
duced the sudden obstinacy in the ami
NAL. Wearing the collar to which he
had been accustomed, the horse is all
right again, and the gentleman who has
got him back at profit of S175 in six
weeks, considers him worth fully $500
again.-NeU-H Haven Palladium.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

THE Cincinnati Commercial suggests
that as walking is the rage and running
is called walking, it would be well to
burst up the bloated British pride about
their pedestrians, by introducing a
genuine American into the matches of
the temples of sawdust. Summon a
noble red man from his home in the
settin' sun and see whether he cannot
trOt off one hundred miles per day for
seven successive days. The true old
strain of American blood and sinews,
tOughened in the buffalo chase, should
tell in time like this.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
Net Deserving Of Pisy.

Beggared spendthrifts, to whom monsy has
no exchange value but pleasure.
Persons who will persist In dying by inches
with dyspepsia and liver diseases, when Dr..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery and Pleas
ant Purgative Pellets are unfailing remedies
for these maladies-
Parents who spare the rod and ruin the
child. Fast young men and women are gen.
orally spoiled children to begin with.
People who suffer from catarrh, when DR..
Sage's Catarrh Remedy Is safe, reliable, and
well-tested remedy for this loathsome disease.
People who marry for money, and find too
late that the golden glitter is all moonshine.
Women who suffer death every day Of their
lives, when DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription
will effectually remove those painful weak
nesses and impart healthful tone and
strength to the whole system.
People who live beyond their means and
find that style and pride. like everything else
In this world, unless placed upon . secure
foundation, are subject to the law OF gravi-
tation.
Invalids who do more toward fostering dis
ease. by living and sleeping in the low, un-
ventilated rooms Of the ordinary house, than
the best medicines can accomplish toward 70
covery, when st . moderate expense they can
secure all the hygienic and sanitary adyan-
tages Of the Invalids' Hotel at Buffalo, N. 7.
Every physician knows how much recovery
depends upon good nursing and the hygienic
conditions Of the sick-room. Chronic diseases
are especially subject to these conditions
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

DEAN STANLEY makes no gestures
when preaching, and stands quite still.
The story goes that one Sunday, after
returning from church, he asked his
wife why the people looked so intently
at him during the service. She replied:
How could they help it, dear, when
one of your gloves was on the top of
your head all the timer 1t had drop
ped from his hat.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

In South Carolina negro was on
trial for burglary, but it was proven
that he crawled into the mill through a
hole in the wall, unfastened the door, set
the flour out, fastened the door again
and crawled out through the same hole.
The jury was instructed to acquit, as
there was no breaking. SO they brought
in the verdict: ave find for the de-
PENDANT, but we believe he stole the
flour"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
Jo5 to the Af,iicted.-One of the most

jog to the Afiiicted.-One Of the most
eminent American Chemists has discovered
a process whereby be obtains, in palatable
form. all the sctive medicinal properties Of
the East India Cinchona bark, without dis
turbing the irritant and inert matter. In this
preparation the alkaloids are in their native
the ingredients are maintained as exist in the
celebrated bark from the Neilgherry hills.
This preparation Is called CLIFroRD's FEB
RIFUGE, and is fast taking the place of Qui.
nine and the sO-called Ague Cures, etc., TN
the market. j. C. RICHARDSON, Prop'r,
For sale by all Druggists. st. Louis.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

The Hackensack On. j. Repub-
hcan says: You might as well try to
pick a quarrel with craven image, or
play the ACCORDION with 81 pair of nit
tsns on, as to publish paper that will
suit everybody. 1t can't be done, un-
less you print it in the Sandwich
Islands,"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
HINTS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD.

HINES kOk IHE hVUSLuVLDs
Kerosene will make teakettles as
bright as new.
-Beeswax and salt will make rusty
fatirons as smooth as glass.
"A small piece of charcoal in the
pot with boiling cabbage removes the
smell.
Clean oil-cloth with milk and water ;
brush and soap will ruin them.
.-Tumblers that have had milk in
them should never be put in hot water.
"A tablespoonful of turpentine in
the boiling wa.er will whiten the clothes.
"A little sperm, or gum-arabic, with
salt, should be put into boiled starch.
Fish may be scalded much easier
by dipping them in boiling water for
minute.
Fresh milk, after beginning to sour,
will sweeten if placed out of doors in
the cool over night.
Salt will curdle new milk; hence,
in preparing milk porridge, gravies,
etc., that should not be added until the
dish is prepared.
Clear, boiling water will remove
tea stains and many fruit stains. Pour
the water through the stain and thus
prevent it from spreading over the
fabric.
keep salt in a dry place; yeast in
wood or glass; fresh lard in tin vessels;
vinegar in wood or glass; preserves and
jellies in glass; meal and flour in cool,
dry place.
Castor oil, besides being an excel
lent dressing for leather, renders it YER
min proof. 1t should be mixed say,
half and half, with tallow or other oil.
Neither rats nor other vermin will at
tack leather 80 prepared.
1t used to be the custom to soak
lard in cold water for "a hours before
"trying out" This was thought neces-
sary to remove the blood and make it
white and clean. More modern house.
wives, some of them, have learned that
it is Just as well to omit the soaking,
as the lard purifies itself during the
boiling process.
Never throw away lemon or orange
peel; cut the yellow outside off careful
ly, and put it into tightly corked bot
tie, with enough alcohol to cover it.
Let it stand until the alcohol is bright
yellow, then pour it off, bottle it tight,
and use it for flavoring when you make
rice pudding. Add lemon and alcohol
as often as you have it, and you will al
ways have nice iavoring.
TO wash q fine cambria handker
chief, embroidered in colored silks, so
that the colors do not run, the secret is
to wash in soap lather very quickly,
wiring thoroughly and then iron, so that
it dries at once. There should be no
soaking, and the embroidered corner
should be kept out of the water as much
as possible. A little alum in the water
will make the process more sure.
Most housekeepers throw away the
leaves and green tops of celery. There
is better way than this. Dry them
thoroughly in the oven, then pulverize
TO fine powder, and they make very
delicious seasoning for soup, the aroma
and strength of the celery being remark
ably well preserved. After being pull
verized, the powder should be kept in
jar or closed bottle to preserve its
strength.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

"MOTHER is all the time telling me
not to bolt my food" said the small
boy, land now she has gone and bolted
up the cupboard that has got all the
company victuals. "-NeU HdUen Regis
ter.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

Silk handkerchiefs in Oriental de-
signs and colors are preferred for dressy
breakfast caps.1
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

Position plaits and fan trimmings
in the back of basques are revived.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

NATIONAL YEAST contains no alum or other
injurious chemical, but is perfectly healthful
It Is the best Yeast in the world
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12

CHEW Jsckson's Best Sweet Navy Tobacco
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1879-04-12
SPEAKS for ITSELF

Syracuse. n. y, Nov. IS. 1878
About four ye1B since, building my house, M
aly3ed large number Of samples Of white lead, md
from these selected the best 10 be hac with which
painted large II the house the resr painted Wfh
Rubber Painf" after analyung IL and nding IL con-
tanned the rubber for which named One snceI
found the pure lead and OIL could easily rubbed
and was In fact being fast washed Cd By the rains while
that part Of the building painted with the Rubber Paint
hard and glossy II three weeks after rt
applying II have since painted the whole house with
the Rubber Paint can. therefore, rum both Analysis
styonG terms J. J. BROWN,
Prof. Of Chemistry and Phyxtcs.
For prfcsa terms, etc, address
RCDBKA PAINT CO.. CLEVELAND. ..
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13
Interesting Statistics.

The records of marriage offer some
curious columns. Statistics are contin-
uallY forcing upon u notice a fixed
percentage of repentant old bachelors;
also of young bachelors who marry Wild
ows; also of young women who marry
old men, and widows who renew their
vows; while the ratio of second, third
and fourth marriages is very constant.
Indeed, it is most profanely come to
pass that, just as the stars are nothing
but points of vast triangles and dia-
grams to q cold-blooded astronomer, so
every unmarried woman stands as an
algebraic symbol to the eye of the social
mathematician; if she is 20 years old,
representing three-quarters of q ikeli-
hood that she will change her name; if
Is, standing for one quarter of the same
possibility; if 80, reduced to 3 fraction
of one divided by 10; and then decreas.
ing in a g~eometrical rxtio which it would
hardly be polite to put into figures here.
On the contrary, q man of Is repre-
sents the fraction one-hah as TO the
probabilities of marriage, which is so
vulgar q fraction that most young men
of that period strive ardently to ami
hilate it by finding the other and better
half which restores their integrity, sub
stance and show.-E1ehange.
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13
She Sewcd on His i;uttons.

Old hummer j. tight listed. Several
days ago he said 70 his wiie "Aafia. ]
want you la look over that broaicl"th
YES, Of mine and put ne~ buttons on o..
cause I'm going % i card party -
night"
"But. Fly" answered Mrs Hummer.
81 haven't any buttons - match thai
vest; and"
"Thunderi" broke in Hummer, "the
idea Of n roman keeping house a. long
As YOU have. an ~pretsndin' 10 be out -
buttons. By George ! b'lievs youH
ask me for morey 70 buy EN- villa
next"
Tha, evening Blummer kurrief
through his supper and began arrAIios
himself for the card party Presently
he called for the ~brosdcl0ib vez; and
Mrs. Blummer. with marvellous prompt
i,ude. handed il 20 him. he took y.
hastily unfolded Il. and then. n his eJs
took in hi, oonplsts appearance. be
stood a. one transaxsi IL su . siH.
button ,es,. anil there were siI bgtsons
Il, and The dazst optic q Hummer
observed that the hnt. OF top one. wAs
|. ,iuy pearl shirt baifo3. and that The
uert one was a brass army oTsTeoai bat
ON With 4. $. gieAmiag upon =, sBi
.hs, number thres ~as 81 oxyaxsf 49,
Ter affair. and that numb~r far sas
sorn button. eviAendy ;rom ihs s@k q
ne Of the Puritan fathers coats. asd
hen cane = ssspendsr buitoz, and iasn.
the dAzxlea eyes ot cd Biaamsr
the bottom buiton-a p~ksE
hip nound in Blusnmsr's pDcketl nth
80 holes punched iArough IT'D. gave
snort tha: made ihs chan3sissr jingle-
here l.. after al, . hns ense os hzmor
Blummer, and be laughed I'll be
red. And there wcnr be any button
1oneJ grudg.d in thai household here
fter.-Ckrs.sni Hsrsd-
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13
er H.. ~as Advised hv his Dhysiciau

reer. He was advised by his physician
in Boston 70 dress warmly, ~proicct.his
feet and body, and live in the open aiss
saving wood, and engaging As far rs
possible in manual labor; leading, in
short, The life . liboring man would
lead out doors, and supplemeniing this
regimen by sanitary precautions in tenn
p~ersture, diet and personal habits when
no longer in the open air. In conclu-
sion, we will add for the benefit Of that
class Of the community, who, as we
have said, delight in remedies ard de-
spise precautions, the recipe for . cold
given by General George Washington
to an old lady in Newport when = very
young girl in 1881. He Was lodged in
her fathers house-the old Vernon man.
sion-and as she was sent early to bed
with a bad cold, he remarked TO Mrs.
Vernon: "My own remedy, my dear
madam, is always to eat, just before l
step into bed, q hot roasted onion II !
have a cold."-Bgtt more american.
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13
SnOW-RaiSed Bread.

A correspondent of the English Me-
ckanic writes "that snow, when incor-
porated with dough, performs the same
Office as baking-powder or yeast. Ihave
this morning for breakfast partaken of
a snow-raised bread-cake, made last
evening and which was made as follows:
The cake when baked weighed about
three-quarters of a pound. A large piled
tablespoonful of fine, dry, clean snow
was intimately stirred with a spoon into
the dry flour, and to this was added a
teaspoonful of caraways and a little but
ter and salt. Then sufficient cold water
was added to make the dough of the
proper usual consistence (simply stirred
in with the spoon, not kneaded by the
warm hands), and then Immediately
put into a quick oven and baked three
quarters of an hour. 1t turned out very
light and palatable. Ihave understood,
but not yet tried it, that boiled suet pud-
dings, dumplings, sailors duff and
the like can be made light by the same
means. Now, as to the rationale of this
process. 1t may appear a paradox to
many that frozen water in any form
should produce an expansive effect, as
it is already by freezing expanded to its
utmost ~capability. But that snow actu-
ally has this property is well known to
every farmer who experiences its dis
integrating effects on the hardened clods
of his field. The true reason appears to
be this-the light mass of interlaced
snow crystals hold imprisoned a large
quantity of condensed atmospheric air,
which, when the snow is warmed by
thawing among the clods and very rap
idly in the dough, expands enormously
and acts the part of the carbonic acid
gas in either baking powder or yeast.
l take the precise action to be then, not
due in any way to the snow itself, but
simply to the expansion of the fixed air
lodged between the interstices of the
sno~w-crystals by application of heat
This theory, if carefully followed out,
might perchance give a clew to find q
and perfectly innocuous method
of raising bread and pastry"
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13

ance in S~tanstead, Canada, half . year
ago, and took board in the village tav-
ern. He seemed to have no business,
and devoted considerable of his time to
counting Miss La Pete, much to the dis
pleasure of her parents, who finally for
babe him to see her. One day French
informed Mr.. La Pete that he had made
up bis mind to 60 away, and asked for
the use of q horse and wagon with which
TO get to the railroad station, 10 miles
distant. La Pete was delighted by the
proposed departure, and readily lent
the horse and wagon, which were TO be
sent back by a boy. Mr.. and Mrs. La
Pete waved French a joyful adieu as he
drove off, and were glad that Miss La
Pete was not there to show regret. They
afterward learned that she was curled
up under the wagon seat, thus clipping
from under their very noses.
In Japan, during the New Years holi-
days, the shop-keepers are troubled with
pilferers. Some Of the lower classes of
Japanese actually believe that the theft
of some article exhibited at the stalls or
stands, without detection, will insure
good fortune for the following year, and
that the larger the article stolen the
greater will be the luck to come. The
thieves 60 in parties. One or two d.
vert the attention of the shOpman by
asking the price of this or that ware,
while the others carry off the bulkiest
thing which they can manage without
exposure. One young man last Christ
mas actually succeeded in carrying of
a mortar followed out of the trunk of q
tree, and used in pounding rice. 1t was
some three feet high and four feet in d.
ameter, and of course Of enormous
weight. An unsuccessful attempt makes
the thief the laughing-stOck for the
crowd.
AN astounding case of imposition has
taken place at Altrincham, in England.
A poorly clad woman went to the house
of a Miss Fairbank, representing that
she was in an abject state of poverty
and restitution, and that her husband
was lying dead in the house. Miss Fair
bank informed the applicant that she
was not in the habit of giving assistance
without visiting the houses of those seek
ing it. The woman asked her to be
good enough to do this, and she subse-
quently did so. She found every APP
pearance of squalor and restitution, and
to verify the truth of the woman's state
ment, she went up stairs to sec the
corpse, which was scarcely covered with
rags. On going down stairs she gave
the woman some money and went away,
leaving her umbrella in the house. She
shortly afterward returned for the UNI
brella, when she was Mortified and dis
gusted to find the "corpse" and his
wife dancing about the kitchen, ap-
parently delighted with the success of
their ruse.
The Red Cloud chief., 1879-03-13
The Mules Opportunity.

There can't be many downtown folks
who have not noticed that little, dried.
up, wicked-faced mule which draws q
ten-cent express wagon around the
streets. Attention is generally divided
between the mule and the driver, who
begins pounding him at daylight and
never stops while there is a prospect of
hitting a spot never discovered before.
The mule cares just about as much for
the blow of a club or the prod of q
twelve ounce tack as q lion would for
the buzz of q H., and if he was ever
beaten into q faster gait than two miles
an hour no living man a remember it.
Yesterday morning, in turning into
Congress Street from Griswold, the
driver missed his blow and fell forward
upon the beast and then slid down be-
hind him, with his feet and body some
how held fast by the shafts and wagon
box. The man realized his peril like a
flash, his head being close to the mules
heels, but he did not utter q shout. As
pedestrians gathered around he was say.
ing to the mule:
SHOWS your chance, old Sisyjhus!
For two long years I've pounded you up
and down and back and forth till you
couldn't rest. Now you've got me in q
box, 60 ahead with your kicking, old
misery-I wouldn't beg if I'm killed for
it! I'm glad 1 pounded you! I've moth
ing to take back! Kick away and be
burned to you, because if You don't
there won't be any letting up IN my
The mule ought to have kicked. but
he didn't. He stood there as mild ~ .
stick of candy until the man was extri-
Gated from his dangerous position, and
then as the blows fell upon him in .
tornado he surged forward at the
old familiar pace, eyes half closed and
ears fiapping like the jibs of q becalmed
schooner in midocean.-DetroI Free
Press.