The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-09-19
PEOPLE AND THINGS.

VI SON, eInulaIe the mule; II Is Dack-
ward in deeds of violence.-Oil City Der
rick.
Be sure that it's slipper you fling
after the departing bride, for it seems
little too harsh at such to cast-a-
gaiter.-Yonkers Gazette.
In San Francisco the other day De
Young man no doubt intended to kill
the traducer of his mother, but he
missed his Rehabilitation Sen
tinel
1t is a mean man who would fool a
fish by wearing white choker and
clerical coat when strolling along the
banks of brook on Sunday.-Boston
Post.
Thou wilt not be mine?' II cannot,
George; lowest another" Enough!
start for YaZoO City tonight Fare
we'll !''-New York Commercial Adver-
tiser.
Investigator" wants to know what
is good for cabbage worms. Bless your
soul, man, cabbage of course. A good
plump cat bage will last several worms
week.
The japanese Premier, Prince Kung,
addressed General Grant in English, So
called. Trying to compliment him by
assuring him that he was born to com
mand, he said: "Sire! Brave Generate!
you vOs made to order!'
If a man, during fifty years, chews
every day two inches of solid plug, it
will amount at the end of the half GEN.
tury to 1886 feet, or a mile and a quar-
ter of solid tobacco, half an inch thick
and two inches broad, for which he will
have maid M fHur
and three hundred and seventy-three
dollars.
The Rev. John Brown of Haddinton
was in the habit of proposing on festive
occasions a certain young lady as his
toast. Having abandoned the practice,
he was asked a reason. Because"
said he, II have toasted her for sixteen
years without being able to make her
brown, and so I've resolved to toast her
no longer"
A circular has been issued by the
treasury department recommending that
the strength of sugar, instead of color,
be made the standard for collecting duty
on imported sugars. We can see how
this system could be made to work adj
vantageOusly in collecting duty on but
ter or limburger cheese, but it don't
seem as though 1t would work on sugar
Milwaukee Sun.
When you see an article in the editor
ial columns of paper headed 1.-The
Political Outlook" look at the bottom
line, and if it says ''sold by all druggists, !"
don't read it. There is such an article
going the rounds, which is an advertise
ment of a patent medicine. 1t is a
counterfeit well calculated to deceive.
Don't read political article unless the
owners name is blown in the bottle
Peck's Sun
Hail to the month that again brings the oys
teri
Blessings rain down on the talisman RI
Faces grow bright AMI the teeth become
mOster:
oyster our palate come tickle-ahaI
Let us the latest pick;
Give us Il lemon, quicki
Gently we'll squeeze it upon the full she'll;
Then with our nimbIe fork
Eager we'll go to work
Oyster, we love thee so no tongue can tell
Boston Transcript.
A fearful warning against the social
perlls of a humorist's career is conveyed
in the anecdote of the gentleman who
habitually earned his dinners by his wit,
and on one occasion of temporary absent
mindness was recalled to a sense of his
duties to society by the following mess
age delivered in an audible tone by the
daughter of the hostess: Mammals
compliments to Mr., and she wishes
to know when he is going to begin to be
funnyr'
Mrs. Goodington has been shopping
''The clerks" she says, treated me with
the outermost condensation IS long IS they
could git anything out o. me; but no
sooner had one of 'em found out that
two yards o. calIker and hank o. yarn
I Al. l.
ing out cash = afore he'd half done 'em
up. jest told him that if diden't have
tail two yards long a dangling to the
eend of my gown and bonnit on the tip
eend o. my pug, wasn't to be insulted
by popinjay like him. He looked
cheap enough, | can tell yer and tried to
make an application. But guess they
don't think much on him in the shop,
for no sooner did take my puss out O.
my ridicule than up steps a raal purity
little boy, no bigger'n our Steve, and
takes the money right out o. the hand of
that sarse box.-BOstOn Transcript.
When Mr. Moody laid the cornerstone
of his proposed school for girls at
Mortified the other day, he placed in
the copper box some fine, soft specimens
of flax and wool, carded and spun in
1920 by his mother, who sat near him,
white-haired and happy. Among the
other things contributed to the box was
volume of his sermons, presented "by
Ambrose Moody" mo, no." cried Mr..
Moody, blushing and reaching for the
book but it vanished in the box, and
he cast a reproachful look at his tall
nephew, who stood laughing beside him.
The trowel which Mr.. Moody used was
one which, he said with some emotion,
had long been employed by his father,
stone-mason, in earning his bread and
and that of his children.-New York
Tribune.