The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1879-09-20

THE BRIGHT SIDE
Nicely Polished BY Our Good Humored
Exchanges.

"The early bird gets the worm," but
gurly apple gets it also American
Punch.
My son, emulate the mule; it is back
ward in deeds of violence.-[Oil City
Derrick.
1t is very natural fer a mans eyes tC
be watery when he has cataract il
them [Steubenville Herald.
Mr. E. B. Washburne is on his way
from Maine to Chicago, where M. de Les
seps is to be his guest New York Tri.
bune.
The last words of dog about to die
with bone in his throat, were: "Pro
bone-oh-pup'll-I-go."- Satur-
day night, =
mamma, can't we have anything we
WantY' "Yes, my dears. But be careful
and don't want anything you can't have"
II Inter Ocean.
A young poetess pathetically inquiries,
"Can love dieY We don't think it can,
but it is occasionally love-sick.-[ New
Haven Register,
The engineer Of lightning express
recently ran over his own accounts, but
the train was not injured in the least
New York News
Woke Up-Boots-" Eight o'clock,
surrp Voice (from the deeps) )-"Why
didn't ye tell me that before, confound
you"-London Punch.
"How dare you swear before me?''
asked man of his son recently. "How
did know you wanted to swear firstY'
said the spoiled urchin.-- Ex.
A man up at Niagara, writing home,
says, ave are now in the very teeth of
the rapids" They were probably falls
teeth Philadelphia Bulletin
1t is a mean man who would fool fish
by wearing white choker and clerical
coat when strolling along the banks of a
brook on Sunday Boston Post.
English society to Mrs. Langtry--
HWhat is your fortune, my pretty maId?'
"My face is my fortune, Sir" she said.-
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Thou wilt not be mine" II can not,
George; | lowest another" Enough! [
start for Yazoo City tonight. Farewell"
- New York Commercial Advertiser.
Investigator" wants to know what is
good for cabbage worms. Bless your
SOUL man, cabbages of course. A good
plump cabbage will last several worms a
week.
Selling milk by weight will probably
never be adopted on this sublunary
sphere. You will have to look above for
the milky weigh Cincinnati Saturday
Night,
Letter from boy spending his vaca-
tion in the country: awe dug wood
chuck out, of his hole; it was a skunk; we
slept in the barn that night. - Boston
journal.
"Now will you admit that you are
hcked?' yelled the upper man in street
fight. "No, sir" replied the under chap,
81 amt licked, but-but Pm satisfied"
>-[Oil City Derrick.
How doth the little busy bee? Oh, as
well as can be expected under the cir
eumstances. We've just mashed him
for unfolding his interest-sting tail, ding
bat him. Hackensack Republican.
"Healthy here?' asked visitor who
was prospecting in the neighborhood of
Denver, Col. Stranger, yes" was the
reply; "ten years ago we had to kill two
old men to start this cemetery agoing."
"How to Tell Bad Eggs" is the title of
IN article in an exchange. When you
have anything to tell bad egg, you must
be careful not 10 break the shell while
imparting the information. - Norristown
Herald.
"Bill Jones" said bullying urchin to
smother lad, "the next time | catch YOU
alone I'll fog you like anything"
"Well," replied Bill, II amt often much
alone; commonly have my legs and fists
with me-"
Better lay in your coal now. Professor
Schafer, of Pottsville, in lecture before
the Society for the Advancement Of
Science, says the anthracite coal fields
will be exhausted in the year 2065.-
philadelphia Chronicle.
Prisoner, you have committed a fright
ful murder; at seventeen you have com
mitted an atrocious crime which ranks
you with Chastine Cox and the Italian
BARRIERS. Prisoner (modestly): Sorr, We
datter mel Inter-Ocean.
The japanese Premier, Prince Kung,
addressed General Grant in English, So
called. Trying to compliment him by
assuring him that he was born to com
mand, he said: "Sire! Brave Generate!
you vos made to orderl" Ex..
Joe Cook is at Ticonderoga ciphering
out the reason why the unknowable pre-
ponderance OF the luminous ego causes
the heterogeneous in6nity of the deplora-
bic bioplast to give way before the laugh
ter of the soul at itself.-[St Albans Ad-
vertiser.
The bell-punch is generally supposed
10 be d modern invention, but it was evil
IDENTIFY in use in Macbeth's time, from
the fact that he says: "Go bid thy mis-
tress, when my drink is ready, she strike
upon the Bell."-[ Boston Commercial