River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-11-13

tnuer the canvas OF gospel tenty
No dictionary can equal the child's
definition Of chaos. 1T is a great pile OK
aolhing," She said, "lnd nowhere to put
it,
TWAS the proprietor Of a Bessemer for.
imce who first rcjoiced when he met
"a foreman worthy CT his slsep-3W-
leHe
The rage Tor decorations has not yet e..
tended to huckv Srat cakes. They Nre
still made plain and are seldom nailed up
ON parlof walls.
Ills father was accustomed TO spank
! aim with "a shingle, and he was accus-
toned 10 allude 10 the casualties, saying;
'Mistortnnes often come single"
Proiessor-Now, ask you, as precti.
cal miner, what spade doyou think is the
very best? Third-year man (scornfully)
Why, the ace. of course. (Sensation.)-
\ Acta C0lat8bidaa.
| Some "horrid brute" has discovered
that the difference between an umbrella
and a woman is that there are times when
you can silut up an umbrella.
4 Chicago mans nightmare turned out
to be the shadow of his wite's foot ON the
bedroom wall, instead of an unearthty
monster with five horns.
a friend Of ours remarks that the reason
the softer sex call the men bears be.
cause they hug the girls so tight Logic
! by the arsuiul.
| After studying the weather charts the
| NorristowD Herald breaks forth with the
| prediction that the next winter will be
colder than the last summer was.
The Chicago cigarmakers are on 0
strike, II they could only strike some
way TO get three cents, worth OF good to-
bacco in a Decent cigar, they would have
! the undisided sympathies and support of
a united Euhlic sentiment.-Burdette
The Indianapolis Journal speaks OF
| migratory nomads." This reminds us
! of the JOURNALIST OF this city who spoke OF
an equestrian statute on horseback, and
of the reporter who said THE false
alarm frota box 5000 was false. Dos
ton C0urtSr.
They sly that only fifteen Sophomore
| spelt separate" with three els at the an.
nuals. N$ell, we are progressing; 1t is
quite awhile since the Junior said that
the most Famous piece of fiction Of the
fifteenth century was the Don Cameron"
--HarUn;l LdmpooR.
A London scientific journal says the
cpcumbes is known 10 have been cult.
waited for.more 5000 ycars-that it was
| extensively grown in ancient Egypt Per.
| haps it Was u cucumber and not the asp
that CLEOPATRA took to her bosom with
fatal resslt We always did doubt that
snake sto5y--Norrjstopn Herald.
"Ah, touise, my heart is very despon'
Dent Ever since have gazed into the
| depths oisthoSc lovely eyes | -" flush
| put an irdn break on train that OF thought.
! Pa has Introduced me 10 his new partner,
and am his for S9,000,oo0 That settles
/ it,"
| 20 Toxic me TO the exposition!"
In accents wild she cried;
Willis he In eamness reached around
Ana drew her TO his side.
Thenpat her neck within his arm,
OF coarse with her yolitiun,
And faid, any love, consider this
To DC u neck's position.
She asked her class of little girls who
went into the ark with Noah. None OF
they seemed TO know, but one little girl,
| thinking she must say something, re-
piled; Ills sisters and his cousias and
his auntsh
When little Washington exclaimed to
! his pa, ~ cannot tell n lie" the old gentle
man turned pale with establishment and
griet. "Why, you young rascal, he ex.
claimed, that is the biggest ono yey"
Mrs. Muriel took great interest in
parish affairs. Last year she promised
to assist in decorating thu parish church.
| One illuminated text she thought would
, look well over the chancel screen, and she
/ requested her husband to bring il from
! town. As might have been expected. he
forgot tho text, and tclegraphed TO his
wife for particulars. To the surprise of
ali tho telegraph clerks, this message
came flashing over the wires; Unto us
a child was bonn, nine feet long by two
feet broad"
\ handsome young widow applied to a
physician go relieve her OF three distress.
ingcomplaints. with which she was az,
fected an the first place" said she,
Il have llttle or no appetite. What
shall l take for that@ For that Mad,
am, you should take air and exercise"
"And, Doctor, am quite tdgety at night,
and afraid to lie alone. What shall
4 take for that?,' "For that, Madam, can
\ only recommend that you takc--a hus-
band" "Fie! Doctor. But / have the
blues terribly, What shall take for
that~ "For that, Madame, you have
/ besides taking air, exercise, and huS.
| band to take-the newspaper"
/ ~ know I'm losing gound, sir" tear
\ fully muunured the pale faced Freshman.
/ ''but 1t is got my fault, sir. II were to
study on Sunday, as the others do,
/ could keep up with my class, sir--indeeds
| l could; / promised mother ne'ne-never
/ 10 work on the Sabbath, and can't sir
/ ne'nenever," and as his emotion over.
/ powered him he pulled DOT his handker@
I chiet with such vigor that he brought on.
! with IL u small flask, three faro chips
and a euehre deck, and somehow or other
I the professor took no more stock in that
Freshman's eloquence tnan If he had
been craven image-Aaa Colunibiana.
Josh Billings on marriage Sum PEG,
pie marry bekase they think wimmin will
be scarce next year, and live TO wonder
how the stock holds out
Sum marry TO get rid of themselves,
anu y lsNoftt lhdt lut game vas ono Nhut
two can play at and neither win.
sum marry for love without cent in
their pocket, nor a friend in the world
nor drop of pedigree. This looks DIES
perate, bat il the strength Of game.
Sum marry in haste, and then set down
and thiak it carefully over.
Sum think it carefully over fust, and
( then set down and marry
No man kan tell jist exactly what cal
leo has made mp her mind tcw do. Cal.
leo done know herself Dry goods Of all
kinds S. the child OF circumstance.
Making Fathers Grave.
The Sandusky (O) Register relates tho
following pretty little story; "A little
girl with tanglad locks peeping from
under calico hood, clad In dress Of
chintz, loitered behind the great
dusty cr1wd moved out OF the gates OF
Mount hdna the other day, after they had
scattered their flowers and done honor TO
the dead DTeamily she gazed after them
her eyes filed with a faraway look Of
tenderness. until the last one had disap-
peared aud the rattle of the drums had
died away. The she turned and vaguely
scanned ths mounds that rose about her,