The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1879-09-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

"HcaNcn, says 4 worthy gOurnlQnd,
whose merit Is t greater because he is
dyspeptic-"lleaven Is where we cat;
hell is where we digest
Sarah Bernhardt is by no means stout,
still this does seem to be little eXager-
ated "An empty carriage drove up to
the door and Sarah BcrnI,ardt dlsmount-
ed from it,
Some one asked the master of colored
servant why the latter always wore an IT.
rcproachable white craval. so as to
know where his head begins, replied the
master. 80. ..----
A woman in New York says that when
her husband is a little drunk he kicks
her, and that when he is very drunk she
kicks him. and she adds that she does
most OF the kicking.
"Why, Wllic,' said his mother at din
ner, "you can't possibly eat another
plate Of pudding, can you!' "Oh, yes,
| can, ma; one more plate will Just ill the
Bill"
| When we humans are asked :or dol
| lar t" help bury a poor fellow, we shell
out Immediately; but there are those
among rs who would not give the dollar
to the poor fellow before he died.
A servant whose batcheor employer is
dead seeks another situation. "Can
call on your last masterH' says the lady
to whom he applies, "and obtain your
character from herr "Not at present.
madame-he is dead"
"But you know, pa said the farmer s
daughter, when he spoke to her about the
addresses of his neighbor's son-"you
know, pa, that ma wants me to mary q
man of culture" $50 do l, my dear
so do i; and there's no better culture
in the country than agriculture
There are few, even among the good
mottocs of our time. which will rival the
following, when carefully put into prac-
tlse Ii contains within q few words the
positive, the comparative and the super
| tative duty of man: Sect on; get honor
keep honest .......
Meeting trouble halfway is q pitiful
exhibition Of folly. SO is breaking your
neck or falling in love- but il YOU happen
to have weakness that way you can t
always, somehow help it. Besides, a lit
tie worry now and again, Is the mustard
of life. a5o .. ~-....
While swinging their hoes in the wcedhaun-
ted rows,
Where beans and tomatoes were growing,
! The son to his father set out to remark,
! As warmly the sunbcams were glowing,
"Why is this spot to the place that was not
Known to fame till that apple procccdin'?'
~ pass !" quoth the parent then answered
| the son,
Because It's the garden o: weedin.r
A Detrolter cured long and severe at
tack ofneuralgia by falling down. That's
nothing. Some years ago a Norristown
youth as cured of bad habit of swear
ing by falling off a cherry tree. Not a
single oath passed his lips since. The
fall broke his neck. E
Virginia has reason to be proud Of a
model Judge. His name is Barksdale.
At Halifax court house two men were
lighting. A crowd stood around seeing
the fun Watch in hand, the judge
stopped and said to the principals: If
you are here five minutes hence l will
Jail yon." The fight ended at once.
In little town in Missouri lady teach
er was exercising class of juveniles in
mental arithmetic. She commenced the
! question. A"If yon bny COW for $40"
when up came little hand. What is it,
Johnnys" "Why, you can't buy no kind
of COW foL $40. Father sold one for
$50 the other day, and she was regular
old scrub at that" r.--s
When a man comes up to US ami men,
tions "that little bi!l," we reply: "Oh.
yes; we should have fixed that some time
ago, kut had to go to Memphis to write
about the scourse. Just got back today
Come down t. the Office and we'll give
you the money; it's in our traveling-bag
And he says he's got to run to catch 8
train.
In sick-room: "Ah, my dear fri.nd
you are too kind to come and spend ths
evensng with me, though Of course, i,
can be little pleasure to you" 20 non
sense: yon mMstn think anything of ths
sort. Life isn't all pleasure. We cam