The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-09-26

had caught an article headed, water your
Stock Regularly"
| Norristown Herald: In circus at Paris, ILL.,,
a suddenly crazed young lady ran into the ring
embraced the clown, and declared that he
must become her husband. The audience said
| it was the first original joke that they had
heard in a circus ring for more than twenty
five years.
St. Louis Times Journal: The boy who sub
sttutes living for dead hornet in the collec-
| ton of near-sighted entomologist, and asks
| the man of science to show him where the in
secl's sting is located should be held response
| BILE for any irrelgious sentiments the victim
may advance.
Providence Journal: A prominent attorney
while fishing a day or two since, pointed out
to his companions sign board, remarking:
''The fellow who put that up is a liar"
''Why?" asked his companion. because
that sign reads No fishing in this brook and
caught the best trout in my basket directly
under that board"
Providence Journal: At trial of crimin
al case, the prisoner entered plea of "not
| guilty. when one of the jurymen put ON his
hat and started for the door. The Judge
called him back and informed him that he
| could not | cave until the case was tried.
''Tried?" quered the juror. ''Why, he ac-
knowledgeS that he is not guilty.
Wheeling Sunday Leader: They were going
over to the ST. Clairsville fair. He dropped
the lines over the dashboard, and she said:
''Gwadge, isn't this perfectly lovely scenery"
He-'Dang it, ! left my plug tobacco in my
other Clothes" There is no doubt about il
Susan B. Anthony is right Men are brutes.
Edward said Mr.. Rice, ''what do 1 hear
that you have dsobeyed your grandmother,
who told you just now not to jump down these
steps?" Grandma didn't tell us not to,
papa she only came to the door and said 1
wouldn't jump down those steps, boys; and
shouldn't think she would-an old lady like
her!"
|. French Newspaper A good woman, after
the death OF her husband, had married the
brother of the departed. She preserved, nev-
ertheless, in her dining room, picture of her
first spouse One day guest at the table, no
ticing the portrait, asked her if it was mem
Der of her family. eyes" replied the lady
frankly, sit is the portrait of my poor brother
in-law."
Providence journal: 81 have an infrmity
of the eyes,, remarked dismal man to
well-to-do Pawtucket citizen, Monday even
ing, ''won't you just examine this and see if
have been cheated?' The citizen thus ac
costed took the article in his hands and in
spected it. 1t was book, brand new and with
uncut leaves. "Would you give $3.50 for such
book as that?" continued the man with de-
fective eyesight. Certainly" replied the cit
izen, unhesitatingly. "Is it full of pictures?.'
''It is" replied the resident. sis the binding
substantial as well as ornamental" "Beauti-
ful' was the answer. "And you are quite
sure that you would give $3.50 for such no.
BILE book as this?" coatinued the inquirer. 'In
minute he replied ''Well, then, take it,
said the book agent. 81 have hundred and
fifty more just like it in the express office. 1
can charge five. You will not be robbing
me-" The citizen took the book, carried it to
the falls, dropped it into the seething caldron
of whitening water, entered his house by
back door and went softly up to bed.