Daily press and Dakotaian. [volume] (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1875-1880, 1879-05-05
Chr Daily 9ress aud gatotaias
YANkToN DAKOTA
Monday Evening, May S, 1879
FUNNY PARAGRAPHS

IT the Russian ukstc Is anything like the
SweiiZer article, q very little Of IL will 90
q gtcshway.
II We may believe the Atlanta COnstitu-
ton IL Is the late trosts that have tougher.
cd spring chickens.
Vassar girl eating her first gooscber.ies !:
"N'yumi N'yum! yum-m-m-m!
wouldn't l like to see the goose that laid
these berries"
dals in its girls schools has decided that
the leading teachers shall be women. They
want principles not men.
The Philadelphia Chronicle-H Herald says
that the president never has any backackes,
because be has no backbone.
10 Kentucky there is q game law which
| prohibits the shooting OF judges between
May 10 and the middle of June.
According to the Kansas City Times the
great bone Of contention In the republican
party is the presidents vertebral column.
Cetywsyo, the Zulu, has ordered . new
suit of clothes, consisting of q square of
court plaster TO be pasted on the left shoul.
der.
London Punch :-'Mamma-'Now, Ar.
thur, be q good boy and take your medi.
cine, or mamma will be very angry!' Ar
thur (after mature deliberation)-.I would
rather m was very angry"
Undismayed by the failure of Mrs. Jer.
ONE Bonaparte to become a centenarian,
Ralph Waldo Emerson now says that he is
training to live TO be q hundred years old.
A bright little fellow of four, the son OF
q former pastor Of a flourishing church,
who attends the infant class In Sunday
school, received last Sunday morning .
card on which we're the words, "fray with
out ceasing." After his mother had ex
planned the text, he said, Il guess l won
show this 10 the minister, he prays lopf
enough now"
At the battle of Shiloh u German Office,
rushed up toNGcn. Grant and said, "shen
eral, Schwartz's battery is took" "Well
sir, said Grant. "vou spiked the guns be
fore they were taken?" "Vst! schpik
dem new guns! No sheneral. it woul
scbpoil EN-" well, then, what did 20
do?" "Do? w we went right in and "
took 'em back again."
That the colored man is capable of devel
oping great resources in his intellee
when properly educated is prove.
by the recent case in Atlanta, Georgi,
Uncle Jumbo was caught with a stoI
en- chicken hidden in his hat, and whe
asked how it got there he replied "Bos
dat fowl must have crawled up my shil
sleeve"
Oil City Derrick: / think it was i
September, if l rightly now remember
that heard a knocking, knocking at m
door; yes. know twas in September, 70
quite we'll l now remember. he had bee
there about fifty times before had bee
there knocking at my door. But l opeue
not nor wondered, as upon my door h
%thundered, for he yelled "Say now, vi
you settle this ere bill l bring you ?? as l.
battered upon the door and l auswere,
candy answered, "Nevermore."
A colored minister in Georgia was brougl
to trial before his church on a charge
stealth. bacon. After a number of wines,
es had been examined the deacens retire,
and soon afterward returned the followin
verdict: "The Rev. Moses Bledso am acl
witted of de situations dat he actual stol
de pork, as twas not shode dat sumbod
els. intent have been wearin' his cloze
but de brudder is heerby 'fectionately war;
ed dat in de future he must be more Ike -rful.
A pedometer is a machine to ~accuratel
measure the distance a person walks in
given time. When a business man afte
supper, Saturday evening, told his wife h
was only going down to the Office to squar,
up the books she slvly attached a pedome
ter to his leg, and when he returned eli,
discovered that the Office was fifteen mile
from the house. P. S.-A night at billiard
entails considerable pedestrianism.-Norri,
form Herald