The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1879-05-27

Sepse and eNnpsense.

Sense and cWnusettse.
The elephant is the first traveller of the
season to have his trunk covered with
canvass.
No excuse for tramps this year. If
there is nothing else to do they can or
ganize new PiDafore companies.
"Our First Baby" is the title of a new
book. tits bound in muslin, of course,
and has weak back.
Vassar girl, eating her first gooseber
ries: "N'yum! N'yum! yum-m-m-
m! wouldn't like to see the goose that
laid these berries
It lis now discovered agriculturally
that the surest way t. get rid OF 1.-THE weeds
is to marry the widow. This is q very
agreeable kind of husbandry.
When you observe q family sitting
about the. dinner table, each member
bathed in t,ars, remember tlat the horse
radish season is upon us.
Mrs. Pa'tington has been reading the
health officers weekly reports, and thinks
"total" must be an awful malignant dis
ease, since as many die of it as of all the
rest put t,gether.
There now ply between Europe and
America l60 ocean steamships, aud new
ones are added frequently to meet the
demand for the quick transportation Of
passengers and freight.
Pstrick-"And, ,Biddy, darlint, they've
been lin me there's t)o many of US in
The wurrld. Now, if you and me get
the praste to make us two wan, troth
won't there be wan the less?
Chinese "rIce paper" is not made from
rice, but from the pith Of tree which
grows to the height of twenty feet, and
of artificial f)wers, toys and fancy arti-
Icles.
A scientific gentleman, who has given
the subject much thought, says that when
man knowingly faces death he thinks OF
everything that ever happened to him.
The delinquent subscriber never know
ingly faces death.
81 have read the papers!' was the re-
ply oe simple appearing old gentleman
from tle cou try, who was asked to take
hand in game of cards, on an Erie
train one day last week. P. S.-Nnw is
the time to subscribe.
A clothier has excited public curiosity
by having large apple painted on his
sign When asked for an explanation
he replies: IF it hadn't been for an ap-
Pile, where would the ready-made cloth.
ing store be to-lay2''
A man in Spencer whose wife died 8
few days ago, had the funeral put off 8
day longer, to enable him to plant his po
tltoes. He said it wouldn't make any
difference to her, as she was always 8
good natured little soul.
A country girl worked the motto, 81
need thee every hour, and presented il
to her chap. He says he can't help it
it takes him two hours to milk and feeo
tue pigs, morning and night, and bust
ness has got to be attended to.
"Are you aware that you breathe eigh
teen times minute, and tiree thousand
cubic te,t, or about three hundred anG
seventy-dve hogsheads of air per hour ?
Jimminy! what terrific question to pro
pound t. aperson who has been eating
onions.
When you see a window blind will
two Stats disconnected from the roc
which is intended to hold them IN place
it is safe to conclude that there is wo.
man behind, and equally safe to wager
that she isn't dressed, and that the dishes
are not washed.
"Where've you been the last two Oh
three years2" recently asked Connect
cut man of ajo7ial old friend whom he
met on the street. "I've been ia the
whaling business" was the reply, "You
have ?" "Yes-out West teaching
school," explained the returned wander
err.
"Doctor," said lady, 81 want you to
prescribe for me. "There is nothing
the matter, madam" said the doctor, al.
ter feeling her pulse; "you only neeo
rest "Now, doctor. just look at my
'tongue," she persisted; "whst does that
need p "Tuat needs rest, t1o," replied
the doctor.
! A kind old negro man, seeing lady
trying vainly to cross swollen gutter
on vine street during the late thaw, Of
/ fered to carry her over. She told hin
she feared she was too great weight
"Why, de Lor' bress you, honev," be
said. "Tse used to lifting bales Of cotton
all my life, l was.
"John, did you 60 round and ask how
old Mrs. Jones is this morning, as told
you to do last night ?" "Yes, sir,
swell, what's the result2" "Sbe sale
that seeing as how you'd had the impu
dence to send to ask how old she was
she'd no objection to telling you tia
she's seventyfoIr.
A lady remarked t, a popular divin,
that bis sermons were little t>o long
"Don't you think so ?" said She just ;
little ?" "Ah, dear madame" replied
the divine, 81 am afraid you don't lik,
the sincere milk of the world" Yes,
do" said she; "but you know the lash
ion, nowadays, is condensed milk"
A little fellow, four or five years Old
who had never seen a negro, was greatl,
perplexed one day when one came wber
he and his father were, and asked: spa
: who painted that man all black SOP
"Heaven did, my son, "ieplied his father
well" said the little one, still lookin!
after the negro. II shouldn't hav
thought he'd held still"
J Grants two Arabian horses, preserta'
to him by the Sult,n of Turkey, are Of
, board steamer on the way from Con
} stantinople to New Haven. They ar
/ housed on deck and treated like saloo
, passengers. One is of dapple gra
color and called Djeytan (tbe panther
and the other magnificent black fellow
. with white star on his forehead, an
. named Missirli.
:. "Are you veteranp" we asked c
e Fritz, who had been talking of militar
! matters. "It ish no beesnees nit yor
I ,,ottorI RIM or nodAD cried Fritz az