Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-01-16
JOLLY JoKERs.

4 MAD dog is the most cur-rage- GUS of
animals.
The man who didn't get much in his
stocking put his foot in it.-He,aM.
THE word "been" is not pronounced
bin" in Boston, but "bean."-Gruphic.
TRAMPs are forbidden to sleep in Gin
cinnati parks. There's arrest for the
Keary.-Ne'0 Orleans Times.
The King of the Feejee Islands is said
to relish "Baby Mine" very much.
He likes it we'll done, too.-- Tr Hunson1
The way to make six cents 20 farthest
buy a stamp and put it on foreign
letter.
A NEW YORK shopkeeper has written
on his door: every one shuts the door
but you"
! POPULAR song in England: "By
baby Bunting, Dizzy's gone hunting to
get little Afghan skin to wrap the
British lion in
The Whitehall Times person, who,
having boarded all his life is an author
ity, says the tug of war always follows
! when mustashe meets unused hash.
| A MAINE paper tells of a man who
made squirt and wrung the necks of
200 chickens in three hours. This is,
indeed, the work of a neck-spirt.
| II WOULDN'T be shopman in an oil
shop" said young man to his friend.
"Why mott" Because it's serv-ile
position"
! A MULES head does not contain a
brain capable of culture and refined
| l,,A g.
tent the other end of him can be reared.
-Nev York Mail.
"THAT's the smallest horse I ever
saw" said countryman, on viewing
Shetland pony. "Indade, now," replied
his Irish companion, "but I've seen one
as small as two of him."
A New HAVEN editor announced
their he had seen "a pure white swal-
low" and the Louisville Couyter-Jouynal
suggests that it was one of Holland
gin.
We no longer question the propriety
OF considering vessels in the feminine
gender. They run each other down
almost every day in the English channel.
Turner'S Falls Reporter.
CONFINEMENT is the name Of an
island on the Norwalk coast. Its popu-
lation consists of three families, each
, being engaged in a law suit with the
others.-Danbury Neus.
! A NAN in this town froze the bottom
of his feet lately, and as he held them to
the stovehe remarked: 1.-TWO soles with
but single thaw out" Whitehall
Times.
| CHRISTMAS was such windy, buster
ing day that great many wicked young
men were out to see what the young
! ladies had in their stockings.-Boston
! Commercial Bulletin.
! IT was such weather as this when
George Washington crossed the Della
ware. The ice was so bad that that the
! ferries had all stopped running and the
custom house men had gone home
Free Press.
A JACKSONVILLE, Oregon, paper says:
IA flock of geese flying rather low over
Gin Lin's claim the other day, the man
in charge of the hydraulic pipe turned
it on them and succeeded in bringing
down two of the birds: one of which was
secured"
LAST summer when the hot wave
from the west struck US so violently, we
felt as if we'd like to go out and shovel
! ten feet of SHOW of neighbours side
walk, and not charge him cent. We
don't feel that way now.-Norristown
Herald.
81 NOTICE." said Prince Metternich
to his wife, the best dressed woman of
the secoud empire, "that your bonnets
grow smaller and smaller, and the bills
larger and larger. One of these days
the maker will bring nothing but the
bill.'
A REAL estate dealer who died re-
Gently said that he was afraid that he
had committed the objectionable sin.
If he could but recall those words 60
many times repeated, within five min
utes' walk of the depot" he might die
happy.-Boston Transcript.
MOTHER Ito daughter who had just
given aims to poor tramp)-" Now,
what in the world did you do that for?
Suppose he should buy rum with it,"
Poor Tramp Overwhelming, and makinga
low curtsey)-" But l premise I will
not, my dear madam. prefer gin."-
Oil City Derrick.
A BRIGHT little Shsreham, VT, boy,
who had been engaged in combat with
another boy, was reproved by his aunt,
who told him he ought always to wait
until the other boy "pitched upon"
him. "Well," exclaimed the little
hero, "but if wait for the other boy
to begin I'm 'fraid there won't be any
fight"
VENUS is now at her greatest distance
from us-one hundred and sixty mil.
lions of miles-or one hundred and
thirty-fve millions farther away than
when she is nearest the earth. This
may seem startling, but it is true. She
always gets as far away from us as she
can as soon as congress meets. And We
don't blame her.--Norristoscn Herald.
AT funeral in the country an under
taker was directing the ceremonial when
he noticed little man giving orders,
and, as he thought, encroach,pg upon
the privileges Of bis own Office. He
asked him., And who are ye, my man,
that take sac muck!e on YEP 80 dinna
ye ket" said the man, under an evident
sense of his own importance, "Fm the
corpse's brither!' *
"A PEk6ON WHO W6S ACCCuG1y CA1lcU
into court for the purpose of proving the
Correctness of surgeons bill, was asked
BY the lawyer whether "the doctor did
not make several visits after the pa
tient was out of danger?' 'tNo,". re-
piled the witness, 4 considered the pa
tient in danger as long as the doctor con-
tinued his visits."f l.f 49,.
THEY were Waiting round the ballroom say,
Made bright with lights and mirrors fne;
,, She turntd her face from his away.
Pray what's the matter, DAZZLING miner
Has what I've said given thee onense?
Has aught I've done estrapged thy hearth
Turn not from me your sweet face hehce-
reaunot, cannot, from thee partl"
How foolish, Fred .on know t I'm ,eno'
,i'+ii And u We pass .on pi r-giass or1sn''
49, Ionly look from you beyond
sR 70 see II my new dres: hangs right
F. WE see that a man in Connecticut
WIS killed the other day while trying
to board a freight train." There is res