The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-04-05
Small Talk.
.He who by the plough would thrive,
Must either hold himself, VI drive"

| "He who by the plough would thrive,
Must either hold himself, Or drive"
Come, gentle spring, diphtherial
mildness come"
The last language spoken on earth
will probably be the Finnish.
A canal-boat mule and a baby's shoe
generally wear out at the tow
If a mule had as many legs rs roach,
this country wouldn't be so thickly
populated.
''Soled again." he remarked, u, the
old mans boot nestled in the region of
his pistol pocket.
"a needle has ali eye to business
SAYS the New York Mail. But we will
defy ii 10 SEQ the point.
Mary had little lamp,
Fied full Of kerosene;
She took it once To light u fire,
And has not since benzine.
Music hath charms to sOothe the saw
age. This is why we occasionally see
a cross dog with brass band around
his neck.
"Well, Sambo,' said the dying mas
ter 10 his faithful slave, 1--WE long
journey before me- "Nebcr mind.
inassa, him all down hill"
A Norristown scientist has q theory
of his own about the shower of brim-
stone in Berks and Lehigh counties a
few days ago. He says it came of walk
ing-matches.
as that what YOU learn at col
lege! Who taught you TO swear like
that! ~ said father to his son, who had
returned home from Harvard. "Prof.
Anity" answered the youth.
A young lady sent twenty-five cents
and postage-stamp in reply to an adj
vertisement of "IIow to make an i'm
pression," and received for an answer:
"Sit down Oh a pan ofdough."
"Look ahere, WAITER" shouted a dis
gusted customer in restaurant, "here's
II nustache comb in this potpie ~ 'Nev-
er mind, sir" said the napkin fiirter,
calmly; ''just throw ii under the table,
it's all old one"
A writer Of style says: ''It Is the
fashion in France for ladies to take
their tea in bonnets and gloves" One
objection to this Is that some of the new
bonnets do not hold much more than a
lump eff sugar.
An obliging spirit prompted a Jer-
sey farmer who put n two-pound W het-
stone in every turkey he sent to the
New York market. lie knew the buy
ers would find the stones indispensable
when it came to carving the fowls.
"My dearest Maria" wrote recent
ly marie | Brooklyn husband TO his
wife. She wrote back: Dearest, let
me correct either your grammar or your
morals. lou address me, "My dear
est Maria Am to suppose you have
other dear Marias?"
When young tobacco chewer. who
bOasted that his father used the weed
up to the day of his death, was asked If
he didn't think it shortened his days,
replied: "Not at ALL Each one of his
days was twenty-four hours long, just
the same as if he hadn't used tobacco"
"fiere," said the farmer, as he ex-
hibited broken jar to the manufactu-
rer, 81 packed This jar full of butter,
and the jar split from top to bottom.
Perhaps yon can explain the phenome-
on ooh, yes, 1 can" was the ready
reply, "the butter was stronger than
tine jar
"A Yankee. who had never paid
more than twenty-five cents to see an
exhibition. went to New Iorn
theatre one night TO see the "f'orty
Thieves" The ticket-seller charg-
ell him seventy-nVe cents tor n tick
Ell. Passing the pasaeboard back
he quietly remarked: "keep it, mister; !;
don't want to see the other thirty
nine" and ont he marched
A Young Oil City citizen calls his
sweetheart Revenge, because she is
sweet. And young married man on
South Hill calls his mother-in-l De-
lay, because she is dangerous. And a
South End man calls his wife Fact, be-
cause she is stubborn thing. And u
fourth wife Off district attorney calls
him Necessity. because te knows no
| law. And syracuse man calls hi
| wife Slnggard, because she gets mad
and goes Ia her aunt every time he STAYS
onl al the lodge. A Yonkers man calls
his wife Frailty, because Shakespeare
says, "Frailty, thy name is woman
And New York insurance agent calls
his vile Honesty, because it's the best
policy. And a NorristOwn man CALI
his wife Mary Jane, because that Is hel
name. And Detroit man calls hi
wife Darling, because that isn't heI
name; she's regular vixen. And 4
Chicago man calls his wife Enough, he
cause she is as good as feast.