The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1879-05-06

&
lcosE Ikr srs.rH.!
sumo fellow advertise ladies' ires.r.
from ) cents up. Where do the cyphers
come in?
Yes. they will write columns in PsEer-
about how 10 treat q cos whO has l-t her
cud. hut when fellow asks another for
a chsw, it's-"GriEk less whisky aud buy
your tobacco"
Yes, there is women in Pennsy !vsnia
who is lOi year- old. Keep on publishing
IL. We can stand Il. But when an old W.
man talks about how she and Moses crossed
the Red Sea together, it's more that we can
put up with.
Some fellow .dverti.es "Herring's safe. !"
All the herrings We ever Saw we're the safest
things around a grocery. Semi-circ!es'
with hoops and surrounded by slaves, they
lie up 10 their necks in the salt Of RICH e"us
ne-s till they are born again, ireshened la
water, anu finally purified upon the grid
iron Of sf'liciion by the high priss'sss d
the Charter Oak.
Herring's safe. D,es the man think u'
blind or ignorsnt7 Yum. yum, yum.
Jefferson City is the mistress al ,h'
Usage Valley.
| wa koaw .bo - aso'e married
Every time Eve dressed 10 GO out -hs
turned over a new leaf, and siian'; care q
fg about the trouble. either.-Ikiio9.ipA
Item.
What did she turn the leaf over for,
Literary men can never be SURE III hav
ing said a smart thing unless they see ih'
proof"
We have seen some proofs" that ~Oult
make man say smar, things il b. didn'
write them. Smart, Ye-. words that bur,
red hot explosions from heart in which
ragged volcanoes of wrath.
-Sboemakers should he careful! al theiI
tcol.. One Of them died in Connecticut tie
other day from breathing his last.
Pegged out, did he? Well, it's awl right
Put him on siretcher and pray for hi
sole.
Chinese housewives are cookin. oveI
American stoves.
Thunder, Who put them there. What
are they cooking EN- for,
An anonymous article-A baby before
its chrisi.ned.
That's 40, for you're moi right sure oil the
author. .
When you wake up at night ard hear
the baby crying, look out Tor danger-i"r
there il a rock shead.-Mnnsapo!is TIisa"s.
And a squsll upon you.-Bosos Pos. And
. spanking breeze.-t;naPh'e
And a waterspout in the vicinity.
-Polled cattle are suggested by foreign
journal "a worthy If especial attention in
America. since they "sufier so much less"
than those with horns.
We don't know how il is in other coun-
tries, but the cattle that poll at our cleo.
tions seem To like the horns, and the bigger
the horn, the he ~ mere like.
Two farmers, named Norton and Gath
er, disputed concerning the length al the
tail Of pig which they were examining.
Norton gave Gather the lie. whereupon
Gather told Morton to get ready for dead
" fight. Both men drew their rvo!vers
almost simultaneously. Gather Was fatal
" wounded and Norton lest thumb.
Drop minor particulars. How long vas
the tail, anyhow?
Men invariably put the same leg first
into their trousers-this ~ survival al
memory in . re~iduum; but they cannot,
till they actually put on pair Of Trousers.
remember which leg they do put in first /;
this IL the rspid fading away Of any small
individual impression.-Miss P"ebs C"usins.
How docs Miss Couzins knor that men
always put the same leg into their trowsers?
And aeainly, whose leg would Miss Couzins
have them put in Trousers? And nexlly.
what does Miss c. know about trou-ers.
anyhow, except those bobtailed things that
end in lace and have no pockets in 'em?
A corset il q prop-her thing Podymne.
Good joke, but bad grammar. Should have
said: Corsets are prop her things.
That's two good Jokes, and both have
points, IL you can't see EN-.
The sister OF the Sultan Of Zan1ibar
has gone to live in Berlin, where sne in
tends 10 give lessons in Arabic.
And IL she has no teeth. she can gum
Arabic.
Mems lives should be like day-more
beautiful in the evening or like summer
aelow with promise; and like autumn-
rich With golden sheaves. where good deeds
have ripened IN the field.
Ya-a-s. but you ought 10 see him going
home at 3 o'clock in the morning, hurrsh.
ing for hello. That's the time TO size him
down, nv ancient.
A New York woman, Who Was evident.
" afr.id Ia sleep alone, took bottle oil
whisky and . pipe to bed with her. They
still sleep With her.
Well, che had mans breath With her,
anyhow.
Chicago has been called on twice With
in too years to furnish theological probes
sors for England.
Where did all those bank presidents 60
to?
Rev. George Bowers, pastor OF the Con.
gregaiional church of Coonville, \. J., has
been arrested for committing forgery and
clipping With another mans wife.
And yes there are those Who think min
listers have an easy time Of it.
The State Printer of Pennsylvania
died, worth 100000 and weighing 400
pounds. Three weeks sgo the body Vas
'exhumed ut Pitisburg, when It was found
to have turned to substance resembling