The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-23
ALE SORTS.


Nowthe Cole Greek haekman. see see. $
With his ways suaye and free
Full sells, a
And, though yon do not wish to go,
And loudly answer mo-
sBut in spite of all temptation
He grasps you by the collar,
Cheek ALWAYS tells
-Bradf0fd Era.
A Greenbacker, while denouncing Sec
rotary Sherman as Shylock. was asked
by listener. who was Shylock. any
how?" The indignant orator replied in
whitening tones: We'll, if you don't
know, you had better go home and read
your Biblei'-P Portland (Me) Press.
my DEAR" said smiling spouse to her
other half, morning or two since, L am
going a.shoppine: I want little change.
'Pooh!" responded the ungallant man,
''that would be no change at all; you go
shopping every day. - Oneonta Press.
Jycho Brake, the astronomer, wore
silver proboscis (his own having got lost in
dueD, and whenever anybody said to
him, My dear sir, il is as plain as the
nose on your face" he would calmly re-
move the member and say that he couldn't
see it.-EG.
Il was bon longside De mewl knows
him from his nose to his hoof. lie driv |
him, an he has driv me. De mewl in de /
Norf am not success. De climate am |
right huff, and de feed am good huff, but !
de roads an de streets am SO narrow up |
heah dat you can't get good swing to a |
fence rail when you want to hit mewl.'
OLD Uncle Pomp
Richard Grant White says the express
ion He is going for to go" is incorrect.
Richness is too Particular. We suppose
he would also object to the remark, You
git right up and git right out and 'git"'
And yet the fellow to whom it vas ai-
dressed would understand it as quickly as
| il You were to sling two pages Of grammar
| at him. N0rT9st0a0n Herald.
| She was years old. looking out of a
window of a car that was being whirled
| through the kitchen garden region of New
acter OF the growing crops Said her
father; That field contains sweet pota
toes; that one, beans; the other cabbage.
"Cabbage?" quoth the fye-year old.
| Yes, cabbage" Well where is the corn
beet PIE.
How to win boys confidence" Is an
article contributed to the Monroe Sentinel
by "a practical preacher" A good way to
win boys confidence Is to deal him four
kings. and yourself four aces Then it is
your bet and you simply chip and he
has put up all he has got. and you show
your aces and rake H. After that you
have the boys confidence, and he don't
have as much confidence as he did. That's
the way practical teacher" won our
confidence once in the army.-Peck'S MI
7 t0duhee Sun.
The small boy who threw his shoes over
the fence shat he might enjoy the luxury
of going barefoot for a day, was unable
to find them when he started home at
night, and. somehow, wasn't at all hungry
: for his supper. He hung around the
house until twilight, and crawled up to his
room by the northeast passage, comfort
ing himself with the thought that the pro-
verb, Never put off till tomorrow what
: you can do to-day" didn't apply to his
| case, and that nights rest might enable
him to neet with unfinching gaze bis
> mothers eye, and tell her his shoes ''goi
lost out of his pocket '-Neao Bedford
!, Mercury
s The return to life OF man whose obi.>
@ uary has been published usually causes
some embarrassment 10 newspaper
Office. and necessitates all sorts Of awkward
explanations and apologies. Not so il
q Texas, as is shown by a recent copy Of tht
o. Waco Examiner. This untorri6ed sheet
having published the eulogium of a mar
supposedly deceased, says with ''ill-adviset
t asperity:" The death of Heightened
|, Brown is denied by the Kaufman Times
d That makes no difference. Having writer
q, his obituary, he is dead TO all intents ant
" purposes. We shall refuse to recoguiz
" bis existence from now on.
A young lady book agent called on u
: the other day with volume of prose ant
le p0etical selections which she thought VI,
- could no longer do without. We told he
- the book would not benefit Us. why
- she replied, here are the ideas of man
s. writer's on various subjects, and surely
&c hundred heads are better than one. Now,
f flirting over the leaves of the book, lie
US see what is said under the chapter o
of kissing" Yes, we assented, when i
is comes to kissing two heads are better thar
.y one, but the subject can be thoroughly dis
cussed without referring to a 500-pag
book" And we didn't invest. -Atldntc
. Constitution,
i It is pretty fair to stest mans brit
n and breeding to dine with him IN a publ
of restaurant, IF be DULLES the walters ant
5 generally revels in al air of lordly author
ty, it is safe to say that be is enjoying
IL luxury paratively unfamiliar to him
lg The man who is born to command vii
" always be respected, without any consni
- cuous effort on his part, by the people h
employs. The man to whom position 0
10 authority is something new and abnorma
8 may make his subordinate fear him; bu
,e that is all. A gentleman may stand Of
his head habitually, and his interiors vii
:, not dare to venture upon an impertinence
but shoddy, though incased in the tripl
s, brass OF pomposity, cannot cheat the keel
re and certain valuation of the servants eye
Puck
"a As he was ascending the pulpit step
one of the elders buttonholed him to whis
OF per al additional caution:
y The liquor dealer has Just come int
10 church, and he gives us lift sometimes
IF | wish you would be particular not to a
= Jude to the whisky business or the tempe
Vi rance question.
q. The young minister, getting frightene
rs to see the moral ground thus steadily nal
= rowing before him, inquired:
- Whom or what shall preach againg
he then2'
ID The elders reply camo like an air {
err triumph:
= Preach against the Mormons. the
- haven't got frierd.in town. Stuebenual
10 Herald.
er A citizen driving in on the Holden roa
Sc the other day met lad twelve years oil
r. on the highway some six or seven mile
: r-a... Ala n;4r- Tho h4,.- Id n eLnA =.