The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-01-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

VII AMI hCmVh.
A SNOW pillow is no pillow when there
is no snow.
A HOTEL bill may well be called inn
debtedness.
THE demand of the hour is burglar
proof grave.
MoTTo for candy pull-What are yer
givin' us-tatfy?
A CLEAR case of body-snatching-A
dog stealing sausage.
Why is an enraged snake like the let
ter H ? Because it is an Gsp-drdte.
HENS are said to lay their eggs in the
daytime because at night they are
ROSTERS.
BEER may not make you fat, but an
overdose will make you lean-up
against something.
If bear were to go into linen
Diapers shop, what would he want? He
would want muZzlin'.
OUGHT the Torrid zone to be con-
sidered the finest part OF the world be-
cause it bears the palm?
You may break, you may shatter the
hive if you will, bu. if you get off with
out puncture or two you'll be thun-
deric' lucky.-Yonkers Gazette.
A CAPITAL ANSWER Self-made man
examining school, of which he is a
manager)-"Now, boy, what's the capt.
tai of 'Oland?" Boy-"An H. sir"
If "every man is the architect of his
own fortune" the most of them had bet
ter abandon architecture and go to saw
ing wood.-Binghamton Republican.
"THE Sioux are not contagious" said
an old frontiersman. What do you
mean?" asked a by-stander. mean
that they are hard to catch, was the re-
ply.
A MULES head does not contain
brain capable of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what an
extent the other end of him can be
reared.-Ne,c York Mail.
STRANGE, isn't it? Smoke a good
cigar and you will never hear a word
about it; but light one Of those four
for-ten-cents, and every body within
100 yards will talk about it.
WE have known lady who was SO
delicate she could rarely walk more
than hundred yards without complain
ing, who would RIM up a tremendous
bill (the compositor is requested not 10
set this word hilD without taking a
breath
A CHICAGO publisher has issued a
book entitled "How to Become Plump
The old way, you remember, was to lean
out of third-story window and come
down plump The new method is less
dangerous, but not so certain.
A LADY entered shop lately and re-
ouested TO see some lavender kid gloves,
wbereupon she was shown several diff
ferent shades of that color. Being a
little overcome with so great variety,
the lavenderest?"
A VERY diminutive specimen of a
man lately solicited the hand of fine,
buxom girl. "Oh, mol" said the fair
but insulting lady, Il can't think of it
for moment. The fact is, John, you
are a little too big for cradle, and a
little too small to go to church with"
A COUNTRY surgeon, who was bald,
was on a visit to friends house, whose
servant wore a wig. After bantering
him considerable time, the doctor
said: "You see how bald / am, and yet
I don't wear wig" "True, sir" re-
piled the servant, "but an empty barn
requires no thatch."
Mr.. STURGEON is credited with this
design on hubby's happiness: When
l am marrying young couples L gener-
ally tell the young lady to let her hus-
band be the head, for that is according
to scripture and nature; but l always
advise her to be the neck, and twist
him round which way she likes"
SAID to my wife. My dear. pom my life.
You look gloomy and sad this fine morning"
" So would you" said my wife, II you'd gone
throughimy strife
There's way my sweet Maud, TO be rid OF such
elves:
Let us live upon chops-and well cook 'em our
selves"
Yes, that's all very fine" she replied, my dear
hub.
For. when sick of fried chops why-you'l dine at
your club.
SOME one has suggested that if the
inventor of the photograph would
bring out little machine, to he at
tached to the door, which would say,
when landlord called for the rent:
"Come again next month";" it would
have n good sale So it would and, il
he wanted name for it, he might call
it the postponograph.
FIRST small boy" Hullo, JIM I've
got a two-bladed knife and book full
o. picters." Second s. B.-"Poohi
That's nothing. I've got a four-blader
and two books and bully sled and
pair o. skates and" First S. B.
LOOK a-here, you Jim Smikins, my pa
can lick your pa, and, durn We, 1 can
lick YOU. Yerd better don't be BLOWN
round me, ole feller."-Boston Trans
cript.
Il