Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-07-11


.sTHE WOODS is Full OF M."1The
expression is in'frequent use in this State
both in conversation and composition, and
yet its origin is probably known only to
one in thousand of G. Ose who use it. A
gentleman who claims to know gave re-
porter for the indianapolis News re-
Gently the following as the manner in
which it was first used:
In the neighborhood OF Washington,
WAYNE county, lived well-known char
actor named Bill Dean. He was what Is
generally termed ''smart Aleck," always
endeavoring to perpetrate joke at some
body's expense. One day, while riding to
Richmond, every foot of which he knew,
he espied an old gentleman named Chez
yum, accoutred for a hunt, earnestly
looking up a tree. Approaching him,
Dean asked:
s'Can you tell me the way to Rich
mondp''
"There was two Of 'em run up the tree"
was the response of the old gentleman.
who was somewhat deaf. -
81 didn't ask you anything about SPUR
l
Zone of 'em just went in that hole,
didn't you see him?" the old man said
earnestly.
Out of patience. Dean yelled out. ''You
must be a ID old fool?"
''Yes,'' Cheezum responded, still gazing
upward, 1.-THE woods is full Of 'em.''
r. L<N~k I,S,e, <,Qh
ty give me just one mouthful to eat" he
said, as he halted before one of the eating
stands at the Central N .rket.
1--we nothing for tramps." replied the
woman. p
I'm take anything, even the later par
ings, he continued, for haven't tasted
food in three days. If can't get food
shall become desperate"
Il can't spare anything but this
prep
81 don't care what it is" he interrupted
''only don't be stingy with it. There
that's it-give me heaping spoonful and
I'll always remember you with gratitude. y
1t was bottle Of grated horse radish,
strong as the grip of a paving ring on .
city, and the woman lifted out big spoon
full and deposited it in his open mouth.
The tramp must have taken it for some
sort of prepared infants food. for his
mouth closed with yum! yum! 1t opened
again, however, and when he started TO
run he upset dozen flower pots, two boys
and barrel of charcoal. Much of the
dose was blown into re eyes of horse
hitched to vegetable wagon, and after
the man had run twice around the market
with his mouth wide open, he got slant
for the Randolph street fountain, and new
er took his chin out of the basin for forty
straight minutes.
THE EGG TRICK.-Although this trick
may seem to partake o; the marvellous, it
is in fact very simple. An egg slightly in
disposed will answer the purpose, it a
healthy one is not obtainable. First pass
the egg around your audience to convince
them that it doesn't contain a false bot
TOM Now attract their attention by re-
lating little story about hen in Osh-
kosh that laid four eggs on each week day,
and seven on Sunday. This will put the
audience in a good humor. Then call upon
young man with light trousers to assist
you in the trick. When he comes upon
the stage, motion him to chair, and, as
he is in the act of sitting down, deity
place the egg under him. You will be as
tonished at the fluent manner in which he
quotes profane history. In performing
this trick always select small man to as
sist you, as it will prove healthier-for the
performer.
An Unlocking fellow was asked how he
could account for nature forming him &C
ugly. s'Nature was not to blame" SAID
he, "for when I was two months old,
was considered the handsomest child il
the neighborhood, but my nurse one day
snapped me for another 10y just to pleas
friend, whose child was rather plain
looking.
II suppose the bells are sounding az
alarm of fire." sneeringly said man, as
the church bells were calling the wor-
shippers one Sunday morning, to which Q
clergyman who was passing replied: Eyes
my friend. but the fire is not in this
world.''
What was her exact intellectual position
it would puzzle professor of metaphysics
to discover. When asked to boil the egg
just three minutes by the clock, she de
clared that it was impossible, because th'
clock was full quarter Of an hour tOt
fast.
A convict wrote letter to his brother
a serious letter, without an attempt at q
joke which, however, concluded thus: II
must leave off now, for my feet are 80
cold l cannot hold my pen.''
lis your master up?" asked an early
visitor of noblelnaA's valet. "Yes, sir, >
answered the valet with great innocence
1.-THE butler and 1 carried him up about
O'Clock"
Customer: waiter, this bit Of turbot
is not so good as that you gave us yester
day. Waiter: "Beg pardon. sir; it's of
the same fish,
This is the season of the year when ven
cradle hens enter their second childhood
and are broiled for spring chickens:
A Burlington (Vermont) blacksmith
has lust established conservatory o.
ho,se-shoeing.
Never kick man when he is down, un-
loco Won All sure be can't get up.
In what key would q lover write pro
900, If marriage Be mine, ah.