Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-02-14

time went into tavern and called for glass
OF whiskey. 1t was brought 10 him with
slice OF lemon in it. Pat surveyed it for
some minutes In wondering silence, and then,
calling the waiter said in a half whisper,
whats thatf Lemon, your honor, was
the reply. Sure know that" said Pat
who had never seen lemon before in his
lie, "but what's it there for?" TO give it a
flavor, answered the other. This was q
wrinkle for Pat, who returned to his bog and
on the first occasion OF entertaining his
friends, slipped a slice of potato into each
mans whiskey. What's the naming of that
at all, inquired one of the company Don't
You know its to give it flavor, replied the
host affecting supreme CONTEMPT of the
others Ignorance. 1.-THE University Maya
| zine.
row-knowledgy. naturalist claims to
have discovered that crows, when in hocks.
have regularly-organzed courts, in which
they SIT around and try offenders-a sort of
crow-bar, so to speak. They often meet in
cav Gus, too In the spring it is not unusual
| to see a GRO Gus.
One of DIR. Acland's sons, when a little boy,
used to get divinity teaching from Dean Bur-
gon, then simply Mr. Burgon. The good
| clergyman one Sunday went through the
story OF John the Baptist to the child He
narrated with great dexterity and at length
the details of the prophets dress, and his
habits in eating and drinking. Having tried
to depict living portrait of the strangely
clad ascetic, he said, cheerfully, And now.
If you met John the Baptist in the High,
would you know him ?" The child thought
moment and answered, No l shouldn't
know him | should cut him"
| A well TODD but indifferently educated
farmer of Wisconsin, who was once elected to
the State Assembly. and who has since then
used various high-sounding terms picked up
| during his brief legislative experience, was
one day speaking with a neighbor about the
| similarity of their residences, lust completed,
excepting, said the garrulous man, 1.-THE
kitchens. which are just UiUa uOce.' A few
days since he lost valuable pair of mules
Distressed at the loss, he went to a neighbor
| to inquire after strays. Said he, That mule
team OF mine ran away last night I've hunt
ed the farm from end to end, and I'm bless
ed If can find thing of 'em pro or con-"
good many years ago, litigious and liti-
eating Yankee farmer-by the way, it might
h ;l uee,. TINS yer 49, or his father-came
that he thought would be sure to gain his
case for him. He stated it with triumph,
and bringing his fist down on the table with
great bang, he added, There that's what
| call prima faciei'
History. modern and ancient, shows that a
party of fishermen may start off and forget
| their bait or some of their tackle, but the
| quart bottle containing medicine" in case
one of the number is bitten by a shark or a
sea serpent, or an alligator, is never left be-
hind.
The following explanation of q legal term
IS offered by Teutonic member OF the po-
lice force Ven git me out o habeas scor-
pious, | can chust SO veil catch q man where
he amt Us where he is.
The risin' gneration is it We cahl EN- ?"
says Mrs. Moloney. 'begorra, the lazy young
shpalpeens II lay in bed till they wear
through so they will. Il Yonkers Gazette.
There are times when the formality of an
introduction can be dispensed with One of
these times is when you meet two young la
dies who have tipped over into snow bank
and are unable to extricate themselves or
turn their cutter right side up.
viii you love me whom I'm old?
The maiden softly said
II will If you will make the fires
And let me lie ahed
Boston Post On state occasions his Ex-
cellency Chin Ian Pin chalks his queue.
First woman-"Bless me, Emily you don't
look as well as usual,-indeed, do not think
ever saw you looking as old as you do to-
day. Second woman-"My dear, l never
was as old as | AIN to-day"
By no means a bad youth wa, he,
The hero OF my song,
But lie had bsen unto Paree,
To the eNpOsition..
And when-tuas IN Il country town
lie with emile serene,
Superiority serene would tell
The wonders he had seen,
Sailing across the salt seas foam,
Or on la belle Frongs its shore,
lhere was never soul that listened him
But voted him bore.
But when guests mere met and table, set
Fol sunday evening tea,
That Young man was round whom all remOund
OF VIVA: he saw at Paree.
" Y. World
Old Lady to Taxidermist- can see
for yourself, man, you only stuffed my poor
parrot in the summer, and here's his feath-
ers tumbling out before your eyes" Taxi
dermlst-'Lor bless We, IN, that's the tri-
umph of our art We stuff 'em that natural
as they mouths in their proper season"
Burlington Harkeye: Young man devo-
ted to and expressly manufactured for society
clasping his head in agony-"Ah, by Jove,
how my head aches Awfully, by Jove ~
Sympathizing friend, student in Wilson's
dental room-"Oh, you'd better have it pull
ed : then after thoughtful pause, ''or fill
ed Patient moves away with an injured
air, and young dentist smiles after him more
thoughtfully than ever.
Done into English at Park Row An old
soldier, long since pensioned off, enjoys his
leisure in rearing rabbits One of the little
creatures bites his thumb, and, trihing as the
wound seems, gangrene sets in and extends,
and amputatlOn Is resorted to too late An |
old companion in the g99th Light Infantry
who had marched shoulder to shoulder with |
HIM in hundred well-fought fields, under
takes to deliver his comrades funeral ora
ton. "Adieu," the honest soldier cries, in
voice fairly choked with emotion. ''adieu, |
brave and gentle heart, thou that hast fought |
so well III Africa, the Crimea, Italy An hun |
bred times didst thou with immunity brave |
the leaden hail that hurtles over the battle |
field and survive, survive to be killed by a |
--- --- - - long-eared. cat |
skinned kangaroo hammed, pink-eyed, par
sley-munching, two-penny-halfpenny rab-
biz
Pedestrian (who has dropped halt a crown |
in front of ''the blind'O why, you con-
founded humbug. you're not blindT' Beg |
gar-Not |, sir If the cards says | am, |
they must have given me wrong one. I'm |
deaf and dumb ~ Funny Folks.
1t takes a Frenchman to devise ingenious
ways OF making himself disagreeable. A gen
tleman of this nationality disappointed in
love, determined to commit suicide. Pre- |
yious to carrying his design into effect, he |
wrote a letter to the lady who had Tilted him.
In another document he noted his last wish
es, which he desired should be scrupulously |
adhered to. His corpse was to be boiled |
down and the fat extracted. Out of this
candle was to be made and presented to the
object of his misplaced affections. in order
q Il. L