Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1879-11-08
The Twitcherly Affair.

The TwitcherIy Affair.
In the town of Durham, Mass, there
lately lived Mr.. Caleb b. Twitcherly,
who, though at first glance he may seem
to be grossly improbable person, was
nevertheless sad reality. Mr.. Twitch-
erly was what is called genial, though
quick-tempered person, and it was more
his misfortune than his fault that he at
tracted swarms of friends around him.
Moreover, he was plentifully supplied
with sisters and aunts, and he married,
for which, indeed, there was no excuse,
except that of mere reckless despera-
ton, into family where he fairly rolled
in sisters-in-law. All of them-sisters,
aunts, wife and sisters-in-law-love
him devotedly, and men pointed him
out with awe and pity as one who prob
ably suffered from more friends than
any man in the State.
Mr.. Twitcherly was engaged to act as
groomsman at the wedding of one of
his most relentless friends, on the 18th
of September last, and with that view
ordered a new pair of black trousers.
On the morning of the 18th of that
month his new trousers came home from
proved to be an inch too long, and he
instantly took them back to the tailor.
To his dismay he learned that the tailor
the next day, whereupon he took the
could be more easily described than inn
agined, provided one knew exactly
what that state of mind was.
of in Mr.
Twitcherly's house, his wife, his moth
er, five of his own sisters, and three of
his sisters-in-law-both kinds of sisters
being young, unmarried ladies. They
were all shocked when Mr.. Twitcherly
announced, with all the epithets and in
terjections that the most liberal system
of morality could authorize, that his in
famous tailor had made his trousers
wholly impracticable. Little by little
his affectionate relatives drew from him
the full story of his wrongs, and they
were overfowing with sympathy when
he left them to go to his business, re-
marking that as it would be out of taste
for him to attend wedding without
trousers, it would be impossible for him
to act as groomsman.
No sooner had he closed the door than
his affectionate wife stole quietly into
his room, cut off what her liberal femi-
nine imagination regarded as an inch
from the bottom of his trousers-legs,
and sewed them up again with much
neatness. 1t took her only a few min
utes to achieve this labor of love, and
she felt that she had done nothing more
than it was her duty to do as a faithful
and devoted wife.
A little later it occurred to Mr.. Twitch-
| erly's mother that she would just run
up stairs and shorten her sons trousers.
Like her daughter-in-law, there was
nothing mean about her conception of
an inch, and when her charitable work
was done the trousers were fully four
inches shorter than when they left the
tailor's shop.
After the mother came the sisters and
the sisters-in-law. One by one and in
the utmost secrecy they attacked the I'M
fortunate garment with boldness that,
in view of their utter want of practical
acquaintance with trousers, was really
remarkable. Each was determined to
give Mr.. Twitcherly an agreeable sur
prise, and therefore took great care that
no one should know of her sartorial de-
votion. Five sisters and three sisters
in-law are eight female relatives. AL
lotting only one inch of trousers to each,
we may assume that their united efforts
shortened the trousers eight inches, to
which must be added the inches previ-
ously cut by Mrs. Twitcherly and by
Mr.. Twitcherly's mother. There is not
the least doubt that had the owner of
these trousers examined them when he
returned home on the evening of the 18th
of August hewould have been very much
surprised indeed.
1t so happened that he did not ex-
anime them. The tailor had uneXpect-
edly returned, and to him Mr.. Twitch-
erly hastily sent the trousers with n note
expressing the opinion that, in point OF
intelligence, he was inferior to the brutes
that perish, and ordering him to in
stantly cut an inch from each trousers
leg. The tailor was quick-tempered
man, and after informing his assistant
that Mr.. Twitcherly was combined
idiot and maniac, besides being weak
minded, he obeyed the order, and sent
the remnant of the trousers home. The
next evening, about half an hour before
the wedding was to take place, the
Twitcherly's household was Mortified to
see Mr.. Twitcherly rushing into the
street, dressed apparently in II short
pair of black "trunks," and bowling
for blood. He has not since been seen,
but the body of the tailor, who had APP
parently died from an apoplectic stroke,
was found the next day stretched by the
side of his cold and useless "goose."
This anccdote is but one of many
which illustrate the suffering wrought
by affectionate friends. Let us hope
that it may do'its part in strengthening
us to endure our friends, no matter how
many and how affectionate they may be.
-NeW York Times.