Connecticut western news., 1879-09-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

Wonder how the felloes of a coach decide who shall wear the boot
 We would do many more things if we believed less in impossibiities.
 Says the Hartford Sunday Journal: Count that day lost on which you have not laughed.
 It is all very we'll to talk about "ploughing the water," but they oftener use hose for water. ...,
 A Whitehall justice is called cold Perfumery" by the boys, because he has sept 'em up so often.
 -" Half loaf is better than none," as the corner loafer said to the police man when told to move on. .'.. .
 Mir. Bonner paid large sum for Rarus, which shows again that time is money.-[Detroit Free Press.
 Mamma, can't we have anything we want2" "Yes, my dears. But. be careful and don't want anything you can't have" -s
 -" Doctor, will you please examine my tongue and tell me what it needs ?" asked woman of her physician. It needs rest, madam" .-.
 Marriage improves some women's beauty. Some of them never have a pair of lovely black eyes until after they are welded year or two.
 A facetious old lady, describing the rambling sermons of her minister. said 1: eff the text had the smallpox, his ser mon would never catch it."
 -"Do you keep any Hamburg edg- ing 2" asked timid miss. Not if we can sell it." was the pert reply of tho clerk. He kept some that day.
 A young lady ate half wedding cake, and then tried to dream of her fu- ture husband. Now she says she would rather die than marry the man she saw in that dream. + .s
 A fellow, notorious for uutruthful- ness, being advised to lay aside such an evil habit, said "I can't help it." "Poh 1" said his adviser, "begin by 
 An editor at dinner-table, being asked if he would take some pudding, replied in fit of abstraction, "Owing to crowd of other matter, we are un. able to find room for it. ~ssEe | Mountains never shake hands. Their roots may touch, they may keep together some way up, but at length they part company and rise into individual, iso- lated peaks. So it is with great men. A mud-turtle can neither fly, sing, gallop, laugh, cry or go blackberrying, and yet If they are let alone they get along just as we'll as the young mau who tries to be funny at @ lawn party Detroit Free Press.
 A great mind is like an elephant in the ancient line of battle--the best all if you can keep him in the rauks, front ing the right way but if he turns abonf he is the deadiest foe and treads his master underneath his feet.
 Strong, skillful men are often the gentlest to the women and children. It is a pretty sight to see them ctrryia little babies as if they were no heavier than little birds and the babies always seem to like the strong men best.
 We smile at the ignorance of the savage who cuts down the trees in order to reach the fruits but the fact is that a blunder of this description is made by every person who is ever eager and inn patient in the pursuit of pleasure.
 Dean Stanley says: "Our leisure hours are among those that have the most importance in moulding our char acters. Our working hours are very important, but our leisure hours are those that form our tastes and our habits." ...t.s
 Lord Cockburn was seated one day on the hillside of Bonally with Scotch shepherd, and observing the sheep re- posing in the coldest situation, he oh- served to him, "John, if were g. sheep, would lie on the other side of the hill. V The shepherd answered, "Ay, my Lord, but if ye had been @ sheep, ye wad have had mair sense." Now comes Johnny in from school l with, "Tve got to have 8 new slate and pencil, and 8 sponge and @ second read I CT. and teacher wants me to study geog ] raphy, and I'll have to have an atlas } and the new boy got a licking, and. says
 ma, won't you ask pa to buy the book'
 this noon because I'm in Q hurry, and
 all the rest of the boys have gottheirn. 5 T New Haven Register.
 A small ragged boy entered an oyr ter house in Salem, Mass, and asked i, "Will you sell me an oyster for cent want it for my sick mother" "Wha = is the matter with your mother ?" asked 2 2 the man, as he proceeded to All Q csl n with oysters, thinking he would help t' relieve @ case of suffering. "She's go
 black eye," was the reply. The. ber l. evolence rapidly faded from the mind Q ,, the oyster man as he put one oyster in
 paper bag. ...-.....- s OF THE THREE areatest heiresges Il