The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-09-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

HALF LOAF Is Detuer IMAM none, as
the corner oafer said to the policeman
when told to move on.
SoNG of the street ganai9a with dis
carded cigar stub between his lips:
I'm called little butt-take-up."
"How DARE you swear before me?"
asked man of his son, recently. "How
did know you wanted to swear frst?"
said the spoiled urchin.
Mrs. PARTINGToN, speaking of the
rapid manner in which evil deeds were
perpetrated, said that it only required
two seconds to fight duel.
AN Albany genius calls a new sus-
pender which has been patented "The
Conscience Suspender." 1t owes its
name to its extreme elasticity.
AN Irishman who had on a very rag
ged coat was asked of what stuff it was
made. "Bedad, I don't know; I think
the most of it is made of fresh air."
LETTER from a boy spending his va
cation In the country: "We dug
woodchuck out of his hole; it was
skunk we slept in the barn that night"
OLD tortoises can now take back
seat. A bedbug was caught in a coun-
try clearinghouse, the other day, that
had the legend, &c. W., ITO" cut on its
back.
A MAN is said to be absent-minded
when he thinks he has left his watch at
home, and then takes it out of his
pocket to see if he has time to return
home to get it.
A PULASKI boy recently swallowed a
penknife. Although not quite out of
danger, he finds some consolation in
the fact that the knife belonged to an
other boy.
CAT what age were you married?"
asked she, inquisitively. But the
ether woman was equal to the emer-
gency, and quietly responded "At
the parsonage"
STUDENT (fresh from college, to con-
ductor) =" wish to get on the penulti-
mate car" Conductor" We have no
peanut car; you can take the smoker"
MUTUALLY disgusted.)
JEANNE, did you divide your paper
of chocolate with your brother?"
"Yes, certainly, mamma; / ate the
chocolate, and gave him the motto-he
is fond of reading, you know"
A GENTLEMAN travelling on a train of
cars recently said to the conductor:
Suppose the brakes should give way,
where would we go to?" The conduct
or remarked that it was Impossible for
them to give way. But the gentleman
again asked the same question. when
the conductor replied: ut is all owing
to what your past life has been"
The Philadelphia Times reports that
the Rev. A. A. Willis is a good shot,
and tells this story about him: A Qua
ker who met him as he returned from
the field, with his game bag well filed,
said to him in an admonitory tone:
Friend Willis, it seems to me that a
bird has right to live until its time has
come to die" The doctor replied:
Friend, you and 1 agree perfectly, for
find that generally when get my gun
trained on bird his time to die has
GOMEZ
HARKINs' daughter returned from
Denton's butcher shop, laid steak on
the table, and said "That's the most
refined butcher I ever met. 1 asked
him if this steak was tender, and he
said, o so beautifully: Tender as the
maiden IN the first blush of love; q
steak fit to be classed with tender and
hallowed associations, and one likely to
be fattered at being devoured by so
fair and beautiful maiden" Harkins
pushed his glasses up on top of his
head, looked ut the girl and Numbered,
what under the canopy was that fell
low giving your" And as her color
came and went she replied: Giving
me taffy, l supposed"
THE TRAGEDY.
Begging the pardon of the gifted ed
itors of the Okolona States and Lemars
Sentinel:
| The moon Is overcast
Bully for the moon!
Lycurgus and Opodeldoc two cats.
Thomas cats,
| Met upon the woodshed roof.
Lycurgus, with tail unfurled and
lifted high in air, comes on, with back
up-bent and yowl portentous.
| Ditto as to Opodeldoc.
Now. immortal gods, look on.
They buckle to-
Bif bif y bif.
Il
Hark
A window is lifted, and a wild-eyed
man in his night-shirt, with musket
in his hand, appears upon the scene:
| Bangl
Scamper the cats from the wood-shed
roof, crying:
Sawed!
Saved"
But the man!
| Oh where IL he?
| Kicked clear across the hall into the next ROOM
| Musket hadn't been fired since the war;
| Sic semper tyrannisl
| Hooplal
/ set 'em up the other alley!
l-Ctacfnndn Enquirer.
GEN. BOB TooMBs has given 800 for
the support of Gen. Hoods orphaned
children, and says he will contribute
800 year to that end as long as he