The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-08-16
NUMBER Is.
PASSING SMILES,

AN tNCHauEt mas au dTtlcie on how
Parrots Learn to Talk" The Philadel-
phia Chronicle Herald thought it was by
sending them to Congress.
THE Yonkers Gazette says: BE kind
to the 'erring," as the grocer said to
the tramp who was casting wistful
eye at box of Yarmouth bloaters.
"GIvE the devil his DUE" said
Eighty orator. Then up rose back
woodsman and said, He will take his
due; don't you be afeard."
The report thata new mammoth cave
had been discovered in Illinois, says the
Boston Commercial Bulletin, arose from a
Chicago man taking siesta on the prai-
rie with his mouth open.
THERE is much greatness of mind in
the owning of a good turn as in the
doing of it; and we must no more force
n requital out of season, than be want
ing in it.
PRIDE is seldom delicate; it will
please itself with very mean advantages;
and envy feels not its own happiness,
but when it may be compared with the
misery of others.
SELF denial, says the Boston Post, is
said to be a most exalted virtue, and we
never fail to exercise it when some big
fellow armed with rawhide comes in
and asks for us,
" ms rather curious to hear you asking
for news about Nine. M. thought YOU
had forbidden her ever to set foot in
your house againw " So | had, my
love; you know my house is 80 small"
A MAN who has a fixed purpose to
which he devotes his powers, is invul-
nerabe. Like the rock in the sea, it
splits the troubles of life, and they eddy
round him in idle foam.
EVERY week or 80 some Philadelphia
militia company goes down to New
Jersey seashore resort, and in few days
returns with enough bayonets to supply
an entire army. They get them by
jerking the bills out of the mosquitoes
they capture.
"DoN'T you think that good like
ness of me?" said pretty wife to her
small fraction of herself called hor hus-
band. " Very good" was the reply,
except that there is a little too much
repose about the mouth"
WHEN the corn is waving, Annie,
And the thistle down
Glistens in the sunshine
Like golden crown.
When come the cool September days,
To glad the farmers heart,
Then do the city boarders
Pick up their buds and start,
fack to town after swelterlDg through the dog
days, wondering what fun there Is In going TO the
country any way.
EVERY well regulated household
should have Il receptacle for keeping
valuable..-N Y Com. Adp Good adj
y,o hat no taI
households lack are the valuables to
keep, after getting the receptacle.
DURING the recent heated term a
Chicago clergyman told his hearers that
unless they repented and were born
again they would go to st. Louis, where
the worm dieih not and the thermome-
ter is one hundred and nine degrees in
the shade. He made many converts
N0rristo,on Herald.
Prince LEOPOLD is President Of the
London Musical. Society. He is better
qualified for the position than most
other men, because he don't know the
difference between bassoon and me-
lodeon, and can't even distinguish be-
tween bucket of tar and concert
pitch.-,H. Louis Times Journal.
THE man who is ever crying "hum-
bug Z" is usually logical in his reasoning.
Accept his premises, and you are mex
orably carried to the same conclusion.
He says within himself. "All men are
like me; am a humbug; therefore all
men are humbugs"
STUDENTS from the various colleges
along the New England coast earn an
honest dollar or two waiting on tables
at seaside resorts. To be served with
baked clans by an undergraduate with
silken mustache is the very acme Of
rural felicity.--New Haven Register.
INFLUENCE.
The fervent, pale-faced mother ere she sleep,