Connecticut western news., 1879-10-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

One of the cheapest things in the world is pleasant smile.
 Women are archers by nature. The bent of their inclination is to bend beaus.
 A hen is model for dancers. She never leaves her set except to eat and drink.
 Tt rains alike on the just aud the unjust-on the just mainly because the unjust have borrowed their umbrellas.
 He said he wanted her to be his helpmeet, and she replied that she could never be more than assister to him.
 Bergen Tunnel would be @ good place for the next walking match-the trains must be kept running, however.
 There is a great difference in milk maids. The milk made in the country is not the same as the milk made in the city.
 Young man-don't be too energetic. A quiet current often carries the heaviest part of the stream.-[ New Haven Reg ister.
 Shakespeare foresaw the go-as-you- please competitions of this degenerate date when he said, "Stand not upon the order of your going."
 Wilkins of the Whitehall ISnaes says Kisses are the right kind of smacks to sail down the stream of life with, al- though taking bus is not bad. ....r
 There's no special style of engrav- ing engagement rings. A spiders web with fly in it is a very pretty device. Either party may be the spider. ..
 -" You got up before breakfast, l see" said MT. Fresh to customer who dropped in for some beefsteaks. "No, got up atter it," said the customer.
 They call it shooting the moon," in England, when you waltz out of your boarding house with all your effects Cat night, of course) and don't pay the bill. ] sSrx -o~;Lio. -in-,aaticinn a -discoursa- on "The Sayings and Doings of Great Men," remarks "It is sad to observe how much they said and how little they did"
 The observing New Orleans Ptca. vune remarks that when two men are constantly trying to capture the same office one is apt to call the other chronic office seeker.
 Somebody suggests that one of the leading topics touched upon in Thanks giving sermons this year will be the fact that the next great walking match is to take place in England. . ar 4o11 U couo a rQhl6 free thinker, "the idea that there is God has never come into my head ]" "Ah ] precisely like my dog. But there is this difference-he doesn't go round bowling about it.
 A package in basket was left on the doorstep of a cautious Newport wo- man, who, having no desire to adopt foundling, took the basket to the police station, and there found that 1t con- tained tive nty pound turkey.
 A New Jersey boy on the St. Mary, in writing home, says "There are three things boy wants as soon as he gets to sea-frst, to get home second, good square meal, and, third, to get his fingers on the fellow who wrote Jack Harka' way"
 Visitor" An how have you been all this time?" "Well, not quite so we'll lately. fancy somehow I've got a touch of the gout" Visitor" Fancy, my boy? H'm If you had touch of the gout you wouldn't fancy; you'd know"
 -"There were three hours and half lost by you this morning." superin- tendent said to tardy teacher. "I was only half an hour late," he replied.
 "True. said the superintendent, but there were seven scholars waiting for you."
 A professor featuring ..on English industries to class of juveniles in formed them that it took seven men and & boy to make pin. "I expect, said
 a little fellow, "that it's the seven men that make that pin, and that they ust the boy to stick it into to see if it's sharF
 enough" >4
 All the spelling reforms of all the
 men in the world will not succeed II lessening the intensity of the school boys affection, who scrawls on his slat' , with broken pencil: "I luv yu," ant |, hands it across the aisle, with big ap D pie, to pretty little blue eyed girl wh' reads in the second reader.
 r A seventy-nine-year old maid wh'
 was quite ill in Johnstown told the doc l, tor she had never been hugged by maj . in her life, and asked for one kiss. Tn }. gallant doctor complied with the re - quest, of course, and she got well
 When the doctor got home and told tn
 story to his wife he got-well, he is balder than he was.
 l. A young couple in humble life wer J. going through the usual civil matr @ monial forms few days ago before th d Mayor of one of the arrondissements at Paris. "The woman is everywhere is follow her husband," said the function ,k ary, reciting the usual formula. "I d le cline to promise that" said the brit at with great decision. "What do yt g, mean a' inquired the Mayor. "My hu a. band, sir, is letter carrier in the su or urbs," replied the cautious creature,
 | &oua