The Worthington advance., 1879-05-08
, Wit ana: HurnOr., !

Matters OF fOrm-Jellles and ice creams
ha This is the Walking yeaf; TIE pe4t Will
"Too thin" as the boy : said . viihedn" iihed": he
broke through the ice. j .i:; '!Hi 80
: An ecstacy Of joy comes go near :id sorrow row
that equally both 'hrng tears .''t'''''
The plow is said to be the oldest land
mark. ..,. -, ..x,..,;.>:., ..,H ,yGi'-.
A correspondent wants to know if ferns
grow in fern countries. ..:.
The difference betwe, n perseverance,
and obstinacy: One is strong will -
the other is q strong won't. .
:; Words: may almost be said to discover
themselves, but thoughts must be dug
AFTER :, j.: ...;o,,ii;, 49,! !t:c. .
|. When lazy man says, s.Ill, do it at
my leisure" " you may take it for granted
he will not do it at all.
In France party of editors have been
hunting wild boars! Here the editors
are hunted by tame bores: '''''' ';'
Can animals learn arithmotic7 asks an
exchange. We believe they all multiply,
and one is q good adder. 81: f'";
Wisdom requires three thinga-knowl.
edge to discern, judgment to weigh, and
the resolution to determine. ,'-,':5Y
Whoever is honest, generous, courteous
and candiu, is gentleman, whether he
be learned or unlcarn "a, ri.h OF poor.
Professor: "Mr. f., what are YOU
eating?" Mr.. H. feeling in his pociet)
"Very sorry, professor, but that's all I've
got.".
A celebrated lady once said of a cen.
serious neighber: "His mouth costs him
nothing, for he always opens it at the ex.
pense of others. I wish that some day he
would bite his tongue, for then he would
poison himself. !.
A very rich man SAID: II worked like
slave till was forty to make nv for
tune, ana | have been watching it like a
detective ever since for my lode ing, food
and c]othes.' "
Seven hundred and fifty million dollars
That is Americas grog bill for one short
year. We spend that immense sum for
the indulgence of habit more hurtful to
US than plague, famine or war.
Witty sayings are as easily lost as the
pearls slipping off broken string; but a
word OF kindness is seldom spoken in vain.
1t is seed which, even dropped by
chance, springs up flower.
A deputation of Esquimaux are on
their way to consult Kearney on the
labor question. Long working-hours
during the Arctic summer, and an Ash
atlc invasion across Behring straits, are
among the subjects to he discussed
Alaska Appeal.
"Why, Willie" said his mother at din
ner, "you cant possibly eat another plate
OF pudding, can YOUR ooh, yes, can,
ma' one more plate will just fill the Bill. y
An English writer says in his advice to
young women, that their mother Eve mar
ried gardener. 1t might be added that
the gardener, in consequence of his
match, lost his situation.
i "Eugenia, Eugenia, will you still insist
on wearing the hair of an other woman
upon your head?' Alphonse, A]phonse,
do you still insist upon wearing the skin
of another calf upon your feet2"
''Sam," said one little urchin to another
= "Sam, does your schoolmaste1 ever
give you any rewards Of merit2 II s'pose
t:, ne does," wa, was the reply; he gives me a
lickin' regular every day, and says mer-
it two"
A poor lrlshman remarked TO his com.
nanion, on observing a lady pass: ;'Pat,
did you ever see so thin a woman as that
eefore?" "Thin," replied the other
"Bothersban! seen woman as thin as
two OF her put together, SO have"
A parrot that was always plunged into
cold water as punishment for
swearing happend to see passing his cage
one rainy day some dripping, drenched
chickens, and called out, 'sYou miserable
fools, been swearing, eh2"
A Chicago exchange strikes the nail
fairly on the head: "Never go where YOU
are not wanted! If man wants YOU to
come to his place of business he will in
Vlte you through an advertisement. 1t is
wrong to intrude on privacy"
The distinction between liking and
loving was we'll made by little girl six
years old. She was eating an egg at
breakfast which she seemed to relish
very much. "Do you love it," asked her
aunt. "No," replied the child, with a
a look Of disgust II like it. If / loved
it I should kiss it."
Two very old books at sale in New
York brought $500 apiece. The thought
is solemn one that someone in A. D.
2179 will bePaying half an income,
perhaps, for q couple Of Congregational
Records and a Paterson Directory of 1878.
Paterson Press, ~.
Pride is as lcad q beggar as want, and
q great deal more saucy. When ysu have
bought one fine thing, you must buy ten
more, that your appearance may be all
OF piece; but it is easier to suppress the
first desire than to satisry all that follow
it.
Old gent (who firmly believea in COM
pulsory education) to cowboy; ooh, you
go to school, do you2 Now, I dare say
you can tell me who il was that was
saved when the world was drowned, can't
yous" CoH-boy; "Yes, sir; but forgit
his name."
When young tobacco chewer, who
boasted that his father used the weed up
to tha day of his death, was asked if he
didn't think it shortened his DAYS. re-
piled: "Not at all. Each one of his days
was twenty.four hours long, just the
same as if he hadn't used tobacco"
A gentleman addressed his servant:
"James, how il. it that my, butcher bills
are so large, and I.always have such bad
dihners9" Really, sir, I don't know, for
l am sure VIC never have anything nice
ia the kitchen that we don't send some
Of It up to the par]or."-Boston Globe.
"Well, old man." said friend to a
friend whom be had not seen for some
months, show is your rheumatism e.
"Oh, it will not bother me much longer,
if this weather holds" was the though,-
full reply; lit is nearly cured" "That's
good news. What arc you using?"
Consumption"
Columbus avenue Sunday afternoon
Miserable street mucker to Snodkins, the
belt Of whose ulster was dragging: 81