The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-05-31
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Spring soldiers are set out IN drills
The position of a Judge is trying one
Game IN STAY all summer--warm weather.
To make "A fine eye water-stick an onion on IL
"Come to my aims" as the poormaster said &c
the tramp.
Cbeesemongers can't omplan that their trade
isn't lively.
Dogs appreciate good care If not kept clear
they will flea the house.
Blaine being reminded that Henry Clay SAID h'
would rather be right than be President, replied
eyes, but when he ran for President he was left
you know"
A famous New York oculist who boosted thai
he could remove any cataract, was stumped whei
asked to remove the cataract of Niagara
The sign on returning Texas emigrant wagon
was rather rough on the lone star state, tread
Going back to my Mother-inlaw."
A Miss Skinem is school mistress at San Diego
Cal, and the children in attendance are frightened
half TO death for fear she'll do it.
The Boston HouM publishes lot OF personals
each day under the head OF ~ Men and lhhGs
Hardly gallant way to refer to the ladies
Everything is cheap in Tennessee-corn TWEEN
" cents per bushcl, and state and county bonds
forty cents on the dellar.
An Eastern exchange talks of shelving David
Davis. Dear dear! Like grandfather's clock,
Mr.. Davis is too big for the shelf
Prince Potocki, son OF the governor of Gaicia,
wears three diamond buttons which are together
worth 100000. The Newport, Saratoga and
Long Branch hotel keepers are running sharp
rivalry to hire him for hotel clerk.
The will Of Mr.. Land, late of Kentucky, leaves
all his property to his wife, and specifics that she
"can marry again if she wants to-" And yet peo-
ple sing about land that is fairer than this.
A Champaign young man got drunk on his
wedding day, and the ceremony was postponed
until he had had time to brace up. But before
the Champaign got out of his head the bride
braced up, and the wedding was postponed in.
definitely.
Ben Franklin sold the bottle in which he i'm
prisoncd the lightning to a New Jcrseyman. lie
and his descendants have been diluiing II ever
since bat it is still stron. enough to paralyle q
man at three hundred yards. boston Courier.
The Boston Gd9.tte having stated that Clara
Louisa Kellogg had gone from the music hall to
the Park house, changed her dress, locked her
trunk and left the Providence depotfor New York
all in 81 minutes, the Bulletin thinks that was
about the quickest work ever done by Singer
machine.
The New York HcyaM being asked by cor
respondent whom it prefers for the Presidency
Sherman or Garfield, replies: ave are like the
girl who, when her beau asked her whether she
would have lemon or vanilla ice cream, replied
Strawberry"
They have the walking mania so bad in Pax.
ton that several fellows who wanted to get posted
in the business dubbed together and sent for a
dozen copies Of Walkers dictionary. Hoopeston
chronicle.
The wife of Senator Bruce, says Washington
dispatch, has Just made her greatest effort, u
and insists in calling ii Roscoe Conkling Sena
tor B. himself never manifested Il foolish jeal.
ousy, it is said, on account Of any friendly init
macy between Mrs B. and the New York Adonis
It was John A. Logan, while II member Of the
Illinois legislature, who electrified the lobbies
with the following outburst in favor Of his favor
lite anti-negro immigration measure: "What il
the sound that we hear? 1t is, sir, the voice OF
the yoX populi demanding the passage Of this
bill"
Mendoza goose has reached the age Of .;
years. She never drank anything but water all
her life, and never used tobacco in any form
Maui. BUH
Is the editor OF the Rl,0rtT no older than that
An old English militia colonel, finding two Of
his men at dsticuhs, parted them and told them
very solemnly; 81 don't want any lighting mcr
in my regiment" There is a connection between
this story and the Lowe-Logan duel If anybody
will take the trouble to trace it out
Washington paper, by mixing two para
graphs, said to its readers; "A big bell has beer
given to a Newark mission chapel and on the
bell is this inscription: 'Deckertown Is supplied
with milk at three cents quart. Washington
pays five cents" But may it not have been {
COW bclr
That tho wise man said truly, there is nothing
new under the sun, is again verified in the cas-,
of the popular refrain III PinHoyort. "Neyer; what
never, &c, )" which is but plagiarism from Long
fellows "Old Clock on the STAR" with It's refrain
Forever,
Never,
What, never?
Hardly ever
TIlE BURGLAR AND THE EDITOR.
Gidr;S
burglar climbed into an editors room,
Needy and poor was he;
And he saw in the dim, uncertain gloom,
With legs rs long Us the stem Of n broom,
A pair Of trousers. "Ill Just freeze to en-
He chuckled, with iiendish glee
SoUp.
He lifted them up from the back of the chair,
Lightly they hung on his arm;
They were the editors only pair,
Thinner than gOssamer eyerywherc
Oh! but the knees were worn and bare;
GUsd Clothcs-when the weather is warm
rOanterScdrp.
Al over the room he searched in vain;
There was no more 10 find;
There was no sign OF sordid gain,
No passing drops from golden rain
Only the wealth Of the sleepers brain,
The peace Of the editors mind.