The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-04-12
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

Gas makers get light pay.
\ lost star: a sailor overheard.
Do lions ever rest on their roars?
\ shampoo: affected contempt.
An up-start: beginning to prosper.
4 blamed fool: u censured noodle
Never look a gift mule in the hind foot.
The hangman's business is dropping of.
People Of settled convictions: prisoners.
Deuteronomy as you'd have Onomy deuter you.
one Of Ingersors lectures says he'd rather have
a $500 Office than go to heaven.
Five ambitious uogs that lately chased wolves
in Sank county, Wisconsin, left their bones to
bleach on the prairie. Wolf scalps are worth s.
in Wisconsin, and wolves are not to be- killed
wantonIy.
This time it is Philadelphia, not Boston, pa
per that complains Of the "roar and confusion
OF ychicular tumults in the streets"
Among Boston's April fools were eighteen in.
arraycd in evening dress, to eat an imaginary
dinner.
A thieyng boy who was the other day appre-
hendcd for stealing pigeon, said he took it for
lark.
The Maine legislature intended to cut the gov
errors salary down to $500 a year, hut bun
glingly wordcd the act SO as to empower him to
draw that amount every three months.
Why not send the legislature to Chicago ?
There are fifteen hundred communists there wait.
ing to gcta shot mt somebody.-Ptoria JoGwM
The philosopher of the New Haven register
soliloquiscs "In the race for matrimony it isn't
always the girl that covers the most laps that
wins"
The Tr,J,o, asks, "Who is the oldest nhabi-
tant:" As Mcthusclch is reported to he dead
although Bob mgcrsol denies it, we suggest
Oldticc or Susan b. Anthony
II i, coming on time for new fish stories, and
the reliable old liars who have lain dormant all
winter may now feel at liberty to step to the
front and be weighed for the first dash.
This is from the advertisement of a concert in
Machias, y Y, Miss Julia \. Moore will de-
light with two hours Of song, including the lat
be sung with a power and pathoS seldom heard
in the country even from the much advertised
Italian opera singers
Some of our exchanges who can find nothing
else to print against Vest, the new Missouri sen
ator are publishing an item to the effect that he
is the shortest man In the senate There are a
great many senators who would he shorter than
Mr.. Vest if they paid their debts and took no
bribes.-- Ruin L,dd,r.
Bangs, who had been kept in the house all
winter with rheumatism, was tempted by the
warm sun of Tuesday to venture into the opcn
air and hobblc down street, when, with many
handshal>ngs 10y his friends, he
learned that the following would cure his all
meat
Iodde OF potassium, quininc, gaubcr salts,
onions, raw silk, oiled skin, gin and tansy, Turk
ish baths, potatoe carried in the pocket, an eel
skin tied around the leg, suit Of red flannel
a chloroform lnimCnt, hot water, cold water. a.
trip south, dry atmosphere, cquablc tcmpcra-
turc, sulphur baths, mustard and hot water cam
phOr linimcnt, electricity.
A New York husband was before the court
the other day charged with whipping his wife,
but was discharged upon the ground that the
wife was subject to commissions and had several
bunions, the honorable court in pronouncing
the decision, sulcmnly remarking: When a
woman 50 for forgets-perhaps in the gddy
whirl Of folly and fashion-what is due to the
feelings of her husband and of his mother as 10
indulge not only in commissions but in buniens
also, the time has arrived when meek-eyed Mer-
cy must turn aside and weep while domestic JUS
tice makes bare her disciplinary arm"
One of Iowa's most brilliant editors a few weeks
ago became suddenly insane and was sent 10 the