Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-04-04
Josh Billings' Philosophy.

49,
An Infdel IL either . lunatik or a
phool; he kan take hiz choice.
Men ov real merit are the fust ones TO
see merit, and praize it In others.
One ov the gratest viktorys ov good
breeding IL, it very often makes phool
endurable.
Don't pla with the DEVILS tale. Yu
may eskape unhurt, but it IL doubt.
full viktory.
Adversely IL tru and honest, it il the
test that never deceives rs, prosperity
il alwuss treacherous.
Thare may be people who are beneath
fattery, but never hav met one whom
/ thought waz above it.
Billy, mi boy, thare liz no surer way
TO put yur kandle out than trieing TO
shine on all ockashuns.
Avarice, when it takes full posseshun
ov the harte, roots out all other things,
good, bad, and Indifferent.
A man liz none the wuss for being o
deakon, but am sad when say it, he
oftimes liz none the better.
Thare liz nothing so simple az graft
tude, and yet it il the highest possible
price we kan pay for ennything.
Simple pity amt mulch better to a
person than an insult, but to pity him
with 5 dollar bill, liz bizzness.
The necessarys ov life are cheap and
simple, and yet we manage to make the
akt ov living kontinual slavery.
The world il workshop, and none
ov us il expedited to lay down our tools
until summoned to the court above.
I hav seen people spend large share
ov their time and talents Citing reli-
gion, and very small share in praktic-
ing it.
Thare seems to be two kinds ov su-
perstishun; an ignorant, and a learned
kind, and don't kno which il the
worst.
The man who won't beleave ennything
he kant understand. amt a going be-
leave mulch, nor understand mulch
neither.
If we expekt to git at the tru value
ov things we hav got to bile them down
and skim them well, too when they are
bileing.
The literary people are the most jeal-
GUS ov all the professions; this proves
to me, that thare liz the most frauds
among them.
The CRATE art ov kontentment konsists
not only in being satisfied with what
we hav got, but with what we hain't got,
nor kant git.
Politeness will win every time. I
hav seen it win even on O mule, when
4 quarts ov oats, and klub besides,
want nowhare.
A gentleman IL the party who il all
wuss honest, and allwuss polite, and
keeps hiz boots shined up, and his
finger males clean.
Thare liz nothing SO difikult for a
horse to do az to keep hiz heels level
when he feels hiz oats prik. It Just
so with mortal man.
When YIN settle with yureself insist
upon 100 cents on the dollar; when w
settle with the world take half price il
yu kant git emmy more.
The reputashun that q man gifts for
an excentricity liz worth Just about az
mulch to him, and no more, az the one
he gifts for a deformity.
Mi dear boy, don't let emmy man cit
the drop on yu; this liz a vulgar saying,
but if yu hav got branes enuff yu will
use it for moral purpose.
By
This world IL full NV very unkom-
mon sense, but good old hard cider
kommon sense liz skarse, and it seems
TO me, it IL going to be skarser.
Thare il no doubt plenty ov people
in the world who are abuv suspishun,
but j never hav knu emmy one (not even
myself whom it wasn't safe to watch.
Mi dear fellow, yu kant git ennything
out ov this world unless yu ask for it.
and yu amt going to git much emmy
how, unless you insist upon it--Yours
truly.
Thare il mighty sight ov odds be-
tween knowing every boldly, and hav-
ing every boldly kno yu; but thare il
lots ov folks who never diskover the
diffrense.
Thare il sumthing funny about this,
but hav notissed that yu could sell o
man kake ov sweet scented sope, at
the same price, with less talk, than yu
could koppy ov the nu testament
Yung man, ii yu expekt to sukceed
in this world, yu hav got TO trundle
yure own hoop; the jealousy ov friends
and the malignity ov enemys make the
road to sukcess hard one to travel.
Yung man, if yu make mistak the
best thing yu kan do liz 10 own it, and
not make another; thare never waz a
mistake made yet. don't kare how well
it waz buried, that didn't dig out sum-
time.
Az phoolish az most cerimonys seem
to be, don't see how mankind kould
be managed without them; the CRATE
submit to them from policy, and in the
lowly they excite spirit ov emulashun
that often works out good rezults.
I hav seen plenty ov smart men who
could phrovesy to ded certainty what
would hammer for tha nexk "a ynontha