The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-11-01

Is afflicted.
-NetU York &qr
A NEw-MADE granger out in Illinois
said to his wife: Martha, we'll have
lots of pumpkins next year. l planted
about 40; had to dig awful big holes to
put 'em in, though"
SOME "horrid brute has discovered
that the difference between woman and
an umbrella is that that there are times
when you can shut up an UMBRELLA
Syracuse Herald.
You have seen those chaps whose
handKerchiefs are always full of scents?
Such men often have no sense in their
heads and very few cents in their pockets
- Whitehall Times.
WHEN the country editor wishes to
get up big sale for his paper he sends
through an office presided over by g.
woman, a postal card, to correspondent,
on which is written: Send me full
account of the scandal-Bostoa Post
IT is fashionable to ridicule women
because they are afraid of mice, and yet
we say unto young men contemplating
matrimonY beware of the woman who
isn't afraid of mOuse-such women
are dangerously. Louis Times.
A CoLORED political preacher once
told his hearers that "publicans were
frequently mentioned in the New Tesla
ment. "But de hull Bible" he added,
from one end to tother, don't say Dim
icrat wunst."
THERE isnothing like settling down,
said retired merchant confdentiaIly to
his neighbor. When l gave up bust
ness l settled down and found l had
quite a comfortable fortune. If | had
settled up, | shouldn't have he'd a cent"
IT always makes a man almost crazy
with rage to wash himself in the morn
ing and then discover the room to be
destitute of a towel, and be obliged to
dry his face on newspaper or the inside
of his overcoat.
WHAT is home without a mother?
"Well, we never heard this position
clearly defined, but if the old man were
to pass in his checks too, we should say
Home was an orphan. This joke is an
of-un also.-BaIt'm'ore E'Osry Saturday.
Tidy, the cook, to small waiter boy
Catholic J" Martin, did you know you
was eating meat on Friday? ] though
1T was against the rules of your church.
Martin" Well, so it is, but it don
hurt the boarders and l guess it wont
hurt me-"
A NEW JERSEY boy on the st. Mary,
IN writing home, says: "There are
things boy wants as soon "a he gets to
sea-frst, to get home; second, good
square meal, and, third, to get his fingers
on the man who wrote Jack Harka-
way"
AN abundance of guests and limited
lodging rooms caused Jimmie to be
slept out at neighbor's. On arising
IN the morning he was invited to remain
at breakfast. Well, l guess not" he
replied; eve have mighty good break
lasts at our house when we have com
pany."
LITTLE Nellie, four-year. old, was
punished by her mother the other eve
ming for some misdemeanOr. The little
one sat quiet for a few moments and
then began scolding, winding up with:
Well, L never could see the use of
mothersl Always spanking little girls,
and it don't do any good, anyhowp'
THE following is told of q young gem
tleman who was passing an examination
In physics: He was asked: "What
planets were known to the ancients?
" Well, sir" he responded, "there were
Venus and Jupiter, and after pause
-" think the earth, but Pm not quite
certain"
WELL, my man." said a military
doctor to a patient who had been on
" low diet y for a long time, how are
- Muoh
you eat a small chicken today2"
" That could, sir" "What would Won
like it stuffed WITH" please, your
honor" replied the hungry patient, al
would ike it stuffed with another"
PROTEST against my sentence" re-
marked solemn-visaged prisoner at the
court house the other day to constable
who had him in charge. He had been
sentenced to term in states prison.
> And why?' asked his custodian.
: Because" said the prisoner, "I have
served two terms in that prison, and l
don't favor third term on the
"-Nsaeork Sunday Cal.
A MERGED girl, disappointed in love
asst spring, pinned and pinned down TO
'hadow and nearly into pine coffin. A
:! nPa'.iZihg FAMILY took her up to the
Mountains and fed her on beans, corn
zone, orolled mutton and snow-water;
low she Is back there, weighing nearly
'ne-tenth of ton, aud watching for a
nance to whip the man that threw up
N her.
LOOK heah, Hammer, you an mes
I'm gittin' long TO- nigh onter fawty
'eah an amt never had a fuss Wit, but,
O. de Lord, eff l ketches you pealin'
aters an, scrapin' the hair often pigs feet
g IN wild my racer, I'll wipe dis kitchin
loah up SO clean an slick wild you dat de
at can't STAN On it. Now you heah
re preachin' ter yer, an if you spec
er go to heaben wild my good will don't
'ester my fazer any mo-. Ham nae dem
mushroom" And Hammer pushed the
lish of fried hogs ears to her excited
ORD aud lit out of the kitchen where
he commenced q waltz and SONG