The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-04-24
Small Talk.

Jonah was the first man to go fish
in.
Woman's sphere That she will never
get married.
Adam and Eve were the first pedes-
trians, and IL was rough day for man.
kind when they made their lapse.
Genius, like n torch, shines less in
the broad daylight of the present than
i'll the night of the past.
"A newspaper man in Texas has mar
ried 100000, and n sorrowing brother
adds "please exchange"
An accountant who visited Bunker
Hill monument last summer SAYS it is
the longest column he ever footed mp.
Fuller beautifully said that che who
spends all his life in sport is like one
who wears nothing but fringcs and eats
nothing but sauce.''
Jones, will you have some of this
butter" "Thank you, ma am, belong
to the temperance association, and can't
take anything strong"
Why is a pretty girl like hinge ?
Hold your breath. Because she is some
thing to adore. Hingenious, isn't it?
We call the attention of Anthony
Comstock to the fact that winter is lin
gerlng in the lap Of spring. Such i'm
modesty must be stopped.
A Connecticut man recently said !:
"Lend me dollar. Ny wife has left
me, and l want to advertise that am
not responsible for her debts"
A negro at Savannah, Ga, being
overpaid 800 OH check, returned the
money to the bank. 1t seems that this
race never will become civilized.
James Parton has named his son.
victor Hugo: 1t will be handy in after
years when he wants to say. .sVictor
Hugo out and split some wood"
Mrs. Partington again -"Poor man ~
said the old lady: "and so he's really
gone at last! Ninety-eight was he?
Deal Dear! to think that if he'd lived
Two years more he d have been centu-
rion."
we all ov us are apt TO pirate about
our independence of charac er, and vet
the notlss oy a CRATE man afleccs most
people Just as pat on the head duz a
puppy Josh Billings.
"My DEAR" said gentleman TO his
wife, "our club is going to have all the
nome comforts" "Indeed," sneercd
ms wife; "and when, pray, is our home
to have all the club comforts?"
Govcrness (desirous ofexplainine the
Inc word "cnough')-"Now, suppose,
rreauy', that you give pussy all the
milk she can lap, all the meat she can
eat, ana all the sweetcake she cares for
what will she haver Freddy with
surprising neutrality-suspicious."
"What rough fellow that Sniggins
Isl" petulantly exclaimed the Hopedale
girl, after struggle with the aforesaid
Sniggins at "Copenhagen." "He al.
most smothered mel" "And did Won
Kiss him for his smother?" naivoIv in
qnired the other miss.
"liand my card to Mr.. Fitzniggle,v -
said shabbily-dressed man to an Office
Doy. "Certainly, sir" was the reply.
In two minutes the boy returned.
"Will he see me?" asked the man.
"No; he told me to tell you that he'd
gone ont of town yesterday and
wouldn't be back for week"
"A certain lawyer was compelled TO
apologize 10 the court. With stately
dignity he rose in his place and said:
~ our Honor is right and am wrong,
as your Honor generally is" There
was dazed look in the Judges ewes,
and he hardly knew whether to feel
happy or fine the lawyer for contempt
of court.
Prof. knowlton, of San Francisco
spells potato Ghonghphtheightteeau,
according to the following rule: Oh
stands for p, as you will find il in the
last letters OF hiccough; ough stands
for o, as in dough; phth stands for t,
as in phthisic; eigh stands for a, as in
neighbor; tie for t, as in gazette; and
can stands for o, as i'm beau.
This is the way in which things are
done in London: A young lady was sit
ting with gallant captain in charm
ingly decorated recess. On her knee
was diminutive neice, placed there to
play propriety. In the adjoining room,
with the door open, were the rest of the
company. Says the little neice, in a
Jealous and very audible voice,
"Auntie, Kiss me to-" "You should
say twice, Ethel, two is not grammar"
was the immediate rcjoinder.