The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1879-12-24
DECEMBER "a
VARIETIES.

The man who minds his own busl-
ness has good steady employment.
And woman too.
After friendship and love come be-
nevolence and that compassion which
unites the soul TO the unfortunate.
Temporal Mutantur. Formerly
they were foolish virgins who had no
oil now they are foolish virgins who
are too free with kerosene.
Sitting Bulls wife is named "Red
Rosebud of the Prairie" Charming
Romantic The Indian of it is
"TchugugutcLugh."
The proper time for girl to marry
is after she has counted up her cash
and found that she can support her.
self in case her husband turns poll
tician.
I No woman was ever made round
shouldered at the washtub, and no
man ever became humpeo back from
splitting wood at the family pile.
"Jennie, what makes you such
bad girl 2" "Well, mamma, God sent
you Just the best children He could
find, if they don't suit you, / can't
help it."
"For heavens sake" said a starving
beggar as Mr.. Tilden walked up
Grammercy Square, "give me dime
to keep me from starving" "Oh, no."
replied Samuel j., "the papers would
get hold of the fact and say that /
did it for political effect.
A very weak tenor in Dublin
singing feebly caused one of the gods
to shout to an acquaintance across
the gallery, "Corney, what noise is
that ?" "Bedad," said Corney, II be-
lave it's the gass whistlin' in the
pipe"
The idea of the biggest head know.
ing the most is all nonsense. The
mastedon had the biggest head of his
time, yet he didn't know enough to
90 into the ark out OF the rain and
be saved. The mosquito, with
scarcely any head at all, was wiser.
"Now, ism he an angel 7" remarked
the fond mother as she seated the
little fellow in his armchair at the
table for the first time. GA sort of
destroying angel. . remarked the cyni.
sai 1a5trer, as he saw his Eve dollar
caster go spinning to the floor with
crash.
A little girl, visiting a neighbor
with her mother, was gazing curl
onsly at the hostess's new bonnet,
when the owner queried: "Do you
like it Laura ?" The innocent replied:
"Why, mother said it was perfect
fright; but it don't scare me-" Laura's
mother didn't stay long after that.
He looked up very humbly, and
said he was sorry to be found in such
place, but he could assure the Court
that he was never in the prisoners
box before. ''Never ?" asked the
Court, with some severity. "Look.a.
here. Judge" said the culprit, shame
the fine, but for heavens sake don't
spring that 'Pinafore' gag on fellow"
At the Western railway station
two young men are awaiting the de-
parture of the St. German train.
The elder OF the two says to the
other, who is watching lady with
some tenacitity: "Don't. look at that
woman that way" "Why not ?" "Be-
cause, one day in this very place, I
contemplated little lady as you are
contemplating this one." "Well ?"
swell, Ihavebeen contemplating her
now for eight years"
Mr.. William Wilberforce contested
a large Yorkshire borough once in
his life, and while he mounted the
hustings on the day of the election,
he left his daughter seated in the
carriage. The Conservative mob
recognized her and surrounded her
with shouts of "Mlss Wilberforce
toreverw The lady let down the car.
riage window, and replied with
laugh, "No, my, friends, not Miss
w ilbertorce forever"
Freddie was four years old when
four little kittens were placed before
him. He was told to select the one
he liked best to keep, and that the
rest must be drowned. Freddie
looked them over and over again and
then chose little "Spot." A week or
so after twin babies-his sisters-ap.
peared in the cradle, and Freddie
went in to see them, led by his father.
He looked at them tor long, time.
then, touching one OF the twins on
the forehead with his finger. he said