, 1879-08-16
DiYerSitieS.

When cobbler beats his wife he does it
with shoemaker's whacks.
Blessed is the woman who never says to
her husband II told you So"
Why is a young wife like hinge, Be-
cause she is something to adore
Adam aud Eve knew naught of the sweets
of paternity until they began raising Cain.
The tightening Of husbands purse is in
variably followed by thunderciap In the
family.
When poor man contracts the gout he
feels that nature has simply added insult to
injury.
Grant buoms very well in countries that
have not experienced his presidential admin
istratiOn.
Getting married is good deal like game
of whist-it depends altogether On what
kind of 4 hand you hold.
Man wants but little here below, but you
can't put Lrown sugar Oh his Strawberries
without his detecting the cheat
Etiquette no longer requires man to tip
his hat when meeting ladies' on the street.
A polite bow, not too profound, is the latest.
Eve was the first and We reckon the only
woman who did not gather up her dress in
both hands and ysll at the sight Of a snake.
There is man in Philadelphia so witty
that his wife manufactures all the butter
that the family uses out OF the cream of his
jokes
Down in Georgia they are in favor of re
moving the tax on quinine and putting it on
dogs. Changing the duty on barks as it
We're.
How dare you swear before met" asked
a man OF his son recently. How did l
know you wanted to cuss first" said the
spoiled urchin.
get along well enough till they are engaged,
and then the powder tiies-from the girl's
cheek to the mans coat collar.
"The 1880 Sweepstakes published in
the Boise Democrat and credited to the
Waila Walla STATESMAN was first printed
in the blooming Standard office.
"Modesty asks us, What is the best
method of popping the question: 1t is a
good deal like champaisn-If 1T don't pop
itself there is something wrong about 1t.
He who keeps his lamp alight all day may
who spends every dollar lie makes invites
the risk Of leaving his family at last in total
darkness.
A little Waterloo Miss was asked by her
teacher, "What must people do to go to
heaven." "Die, l suppose" replied the
little one. The teacher didn't question her
any further.
A French widow is bewailing the recent
loss of her husband Il have at least one
! consolation" she sobs out, drying her tears.
AT ali events know where he spends his
nights now"
All Of Edison's children 80 to bed with
elec ric lamps, and have to say their prayers
in the phonograph. Then III the morning
Mrs. f. investigates and finds out II they
were all up to tho mark.
The best receipt for going through life in
al exquisite way. with beautiful manners,
IS to feel that everybody, no matter how
rich or how poor, needs al the kindness
they can get from others IN this world.
There is truth in my remarks. yelled
on. Scolding wife to a suffering husband,
and he meekly answered, I'm grant all
tie truth there is IN your remarks II you Will
Cnly pat fewer remarks into your truth.
An epitaph in Maine cemetery asserts;
The wedding day appointed wa.,
The weddin clothes provided,
But ere tina. day did come, alas,
lie siclened and he dieled
so" said laly I,cea.ly 10 : meTohant,
"your pretty daughter mas marriea rich
husband :" "Wen," slowly replied the
father, Il believe she has married rich
man, but understand lie Is l very poor
husband"
1t devolves upon the republican leaiers
to prove that the treasury department has
not often secretely printed millions of dollars
To carry elections for the republican party,
and consequently rretsnded that the over
issue Was counterfeit
The friends of David Davis are confident
that he will have chances as democratic
compromise candiaate sitter Tilden Is out OF
the way. Which Is merely another way,
the Frederick Times thinks, for saying he
viii have none at all.
Dismal complaint is made by the stall
warts, the Grand Rapids Democrat alleges,
that the people of the south send so many
brigatiiers to congress. The way to offset
this is for the stalwarts to send northern
brigadievs in the place Of Blaine, Conkllng,
Chandler and Cameron.
The republicans, with all their sagacity,
remarks the Atlanta Constitution, have not
vet succeeded in discovering which end OF
the democratic back down bruised them on
the abdomen 1t may be stated, however,
that they will never face another II they can
avoid the emergency.
This is not the teaching OF Christ, said
Joseph B. Buzzeil, on Thursday, minute
or two before he vas hanged We suppose
be referred to the scatfold, the moose, and
the hangman waiting to take his life. Was
Buzzell right or wrong In this criticism
There are many thousands OF Christiaus-
good, bad and indifferent-in New Hamp-
hire. Let them think the matter over.
The Philadelphia Chronicle publishes these
paragraphs: The New Orleans Picayuie
understands that Gen Grant never looks a
gift horse In the mOuth--it would just be
Simon Cameron's luck To have Sarah Bern.
hardt come here and claim him for hus-
band.-When turning sharp corner David
Davis stomach resembles a slOOp load OF
watermelons sailing up the river.-lf the
yellow fever again becomes epidemic the
north will have no respect for 1t II 1t allows
the editor of the Okolona States to escape.
The cabinet had little discussion about
Alaska the other day, aud one letter was
read from the commander OF the man-oi-war
JanasstoUn, who stated that the trouble with
the Indians generally originated In their IN
ordinate lss OF " hootchenoo," the native
whisky, made Of molassess and some other
ingredients Alaska should have terrific
n j government, with Zach Chandler at the
head of it, and it would then be very certain
that there would be precious Hstis "hoot-
chenoo" left for the Alaska Indians Zach
Chandler takes his hre-water very strong.
and hGotsheIoo" Is as strong as lye.
/ He had been sitting still go long that the
mother expected to lind him azleeP when she
looked around and asked; "Hel, Harry,
what are you thinking OFF, Ma are We