The Van Buren press., 1879-01-21

c0lored clergyman within the limits
Of our fair city, stepped into grocery
store on State street recently, and ac-
costing the proprietor said "Our church
is about ont oh communion wine."
"Very well,p said the accommodating
dealer, "about what are you going to
wantY .Well, responded the colored
wearer Of the white neckcloth. I'VE
hadn't got 'nufr communion wine to las
de year fru, aud some oh de ladies' oh dc
congrcgashun hab expressed prefrunee
for gin!' The grocer took the hint and
the expounder of "eberlasting truf,a
soon felt renewing of the spirit with
IN him." 1s
Josh Billings says he has no objeck.
shun to man parting hiz hair in the
middle, but shall alwnz insist upon his
finishing up the job by wearing u short
gown and pettikoat. 49, .z5=.zz
The little folks wanted the head of the
family to spend the evening with them
Father said he thoughI Of attending a
meeting. Various measures were dis
cussed for keeping father at home, when
i.
aged svven, as follows: "I'll tell you
what we'll do. Wen put sign on tn
front door-sNo admiltance to go out to
this house nights n-.
A western paper wants to know why
awoman always sits on the floor to pull
on her stockings. We suppose it IS sim
ply because she can't sit on the ceiling
New York News,
Mr. joaquin Miller announces through
the press that the young lady to whom
he is attached, entitled Merinda, is stan
ding forever under under fir tree, but
fails to say how fir the tree is.
An old granger, who came into town
to purchase piano for his daughter
asked the agent if he hadn't one with
handle IN the end, $50 we all can give
turn once in while"
Flowers may be preserved for many
months by dipping them carefully as
soon as gathered in perfectly limpid gum
wat.r, or better yet, in melted beeswax
LIE. them drain for two or three minutes
then arrange them in a vase. The gum
or wax forms complete coating on the
stems and petals, and preserves thcil
shape aud color long after they have be
come dry.
"Darn a fool" says Harkins, who was
vexed, to his wife. $50 mote it be- said
Mrs. H., fourishing darning needle
whereabouts are you worn out?' Har
kins said some people were too smart to
live long and he was too awtullv angry
when his wife congratulated him on his
pros spectsl for a long life. Oh, the
tongles of these womenw @d f55F
Among what you might call the bride
gr onai presents at the recent marriage
OF wi low Of sixty and young man o.
twenty-five, in lows, were several grea
grandchildren. tic gifts Of the bride.
A young iadv teacher in church Sun
day-school at Newcastle. England. Will,
te ling her experiences of teaching. said
"ihaxei 'em, and haxed 'em, and they
wouldn't told me their names"
He that hath no music In his sole i.
fit for usher, undertaken, table waiter OF
SOME such thing. ss.{-
~ An Iaishnan who was standing on Lon
don bridge, said to yonth: Faith, anf
Ithiijk ! knew yees; what's yer name 2
s..Jores,' said the boy Jones, Jones,
said the Irishman, "and knew severa
ould n aids of that name in Doublin; wa:
aither of Il EN- yer mother"
All, by George groaned young NJ
Letherd. sinking YEARLY into an office
chair, sab, by George. my head ache:
f.arnllr.,, Possible I" asked employer
aMr Harlfax, withas look Of curious ih
"sesest anti sympathy Possible Some
thing must have got into it, And thei
for long time nobody said anything
and the room ssce,ned to grow about Il
degrees colder.--Bnrlington Hrwkeye.
Anybody eaaeatek aseohsnow Tn
trousle istos let go-again, like the maj
who caught the bear. yf3w
,Out OF sig'lt--a blind eye.
a~s sAsnoiee ftilow annops n fellow.