Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-11-20
FUNNY0RAPHS.

ON N 0AS313 A0s
EVERY cheap boarding house has a
boarder ruffian.
The lamp.lighter has bright prospects
before him.-New Orlean. + icayune.
"CoM1Na through the rye" is not q
Bourbon ballad.-Fhila. Bulletin.
SUSAN B. ANTHONY says she expects
to die in the harness. She probably
means hoopskirt and shoulder-straps.
PANwBRoKERs should make good bill
liardists. They play the three ball game
successfully.-N. Y Commercial.
"NoNE but the brave deserve the
hair" is the way the Indians put it,
Philadelphia Chronicle.
IT is current bard who sings IL sat
alone with my conscience" Two to ono
he never had less fun in all his born
days.
A-"I once had q dog who could
always tell rascals from honest menV
B." Well, what became of him." A
"l had to give him away, he bit me-"
WITH all the Frenchman's boosted
economy in culinary matters, he never
thinks of serving up the lamb in its own
capers.-7urner' Falls Reporter.
MARY ANN has not been feen
eince early Monday morning;
She lit the stove with kerosene,
Anu "'1'''u ""A''' " Nv T. World.
Two colored women in Atlanta are re-
ported to have traded children. Who
will say hereafter that tho Ethiopian
cannot change his kin?-Rome Sentinel.
WHAT" asks an exchange, &C. is more
interesting than a baby?" 70 which
the Elmira Gazette remarks that pair
of twins made the matter trif1e more
interesting.
WHEN a new dramatic company
"takes the road" they should see that
the road is kept in good repair, for the
chances are they viii need it to walk
home oB.-Cinc;nnati Saturday Night.
THEY say tobacco ruins the teeth, but
we know an old gentleman who has
chewed it for years, and hasn't an un-
sound tooth in his head, nor one of any
other kind.-Roston Post.
AN embarrassed actor bounded on the
stage of San Francisco theater, in 9
scene depicting robbery in hotel
Office, and shouted: "Gsg the safe,
while 1 blow open the night clerk"
PHILADELPHIA possesses the champion
modest young lady. The Chronicle has
discovered that when she hangs out
stockings on the clothes-line she puts
wells over them.
CARE you professor of religion, my
little fellow?" asked a lady of her pas
tors six.year old boy recently. "No,
man," was the little boys prompt re.
sponse, "1'm only the professors son! "
OUR dear son Gustav lost his life by
falling from the spire of the Lutheran
church. Only those who know the
height of the steeple can measure the
depth Of our grief.-O6ituory Column OF
Il German Ne,cspoper.
"How far is it to Cub Oreek2" asked
traveller of Dutch woman. "Only
shoost little ways" els it four, six,
eight or ten milesT' impatientIy asked
the stranger. "Yas, l dinks it is,"
serenely replied the unmoved gate
keeper.
! A FOOLISH man married dumb
woman, because she could never scold
him. Imagine his anguish when che
writes out her curtain lectures on
slate, and when he comes home at one A.
NJ, makes him read them aloud to her,
that she may know he does read and
understand them.
ONCE upon time gentleman met
stranger on the street, grasped his hand
cordially, and exclaimed in tones OF
polite but uncertain 1ecognition: I" MI.
brown, / believe7" III you believe
that" calmly replied the stranger, whose
name was Hamilton, "you'll believe
anything."-Burtington Ha'okeye.
"An' can yez tell me-" says Murphy,
the other day, "why the small scythe l
bought for me little Teddy to cut grass
tor de COW wild, is loike these two'Wheeled
carts which the young tellers is all
a.rid-in' arounds Give it up, eh: Why,
lust bekase it's a byes-sickIe; dye gee!
Thank your honor, don't care if I do"
-Boston Courier.
IT is related that Yankee who had
I:iust lost bis wife was found by nelghool
emptying = bowl of soup as large Is
hand basin. Why, my goodness, Elan
care for your wife1' "Wal," said the
Yankee, "I've been cryin' all the morn
in, and after l finish my soup Ill cry
another spell. That's fair, anyhow
Syracuse Herald.
LITTLE Billy had been taken to see
his old uncle, who is 80 deaf that he can
!, not hear = single word without recourse
> to his ear trumpet. Billy watched tht
!; movements of this instrument for some
time with great interest, and ther
exclaimed: "Mamma, what does uncle
: try all the time to play the horn viii
his ear for, when he can't make 1t goT
and Awrist.
4 A PAssER-BY puts his head in at tn
}. window of the shop where IN homes
i. cobbler is working, never thinking o
Q evil and says, cheerily, "Well, m!
b friend, how many thieves are there y
d this street without counting your
I F" Whatv' yells the cobbler, "witho,!
t counting mer' "Well, then" says hi
= impertuIable questioneI, show man
are there, counting your
,. soEHE: Night; . large bedroom, VT
. four beds. Two gentlemen in each be<
i One gentleman carries on loud CONVEX
I. fsatio1 with ono Of the gentlemen In th
4. other bed. Suddenly tho man BY h
5. side rises on his elbow and eays: :"
"a with you would stop talking; ] want
Il 70 to sleep." And this 10 the reply IN
"a The satisfaction he got: "Well, 90
10 deep; am not talking to you"