The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-11-29
ALL SORTS.


Before the show window of a picture
shop-FIrst gamin to second: Say. |
Bill, come away; don't be Iookin' at them
pictures of bally-dancers, our folks'll take
yer for "a Harvard Freshman. Boston
Post.
well. Johnny" said the fond mother
into bed
"Oh. I've fixed that all right. I've
| hired sis to say EN- for me this week" but
his marrow bonesshugged the cold oil cloth
that night just as usual.-Neao HaUes
Register.
| When you see a man with gun on his
| shoulder and three dogs at his heels max
ing across the country, you needn't feel
bad for the rabbits. He'll miss crow or
two find few frozen apples. fall into
creek, and return home believing he had
laundering big time Detroit Free
Press.
| Noah, poor man. never knew what it
was to slip down in the celler of the ark,
when the boys were in the kitchen, with
beermug hid under his coat tail, and come
up with satisfied expression, observing
that he'd just been down to see it them
taters wuz a sprouiin' .-Battanaore San
dag Meas
/ n u6ullSG III DFiStOi, ESCSulIE re-
ceiyed by O. all an order for set of teeth
which read as folio ss; "My mouth is three
inches across. fve-eighth inches through
| the jaw. Sum hummecky on the edge.
Shaped like horseshoe toe forrard. If you
want me to be more partiklar | shall have
to come thar
The weather that freezes things indoors
has come, aud We shall order florist to
take lot of potted plants to our eneny's
| wife as a present from an unknown friend,
and that fellow II have to pile out of bed
three or four times night and fix the fire
when it gets low enough to let the room
grow chilly.-Boston Post.
4 recent decision of the treasury de-
partment is that children's whistles. tin
horns, etc, ARE not musical instruments. 2"
Now let it decide that an old uudershirt is
not an oyster-stew, and then folks will
begin to realize how beneficial it is to have
a treasury department to decide these
uncertain end puzzliDg matters for US. -
| Boston Post.
The double headed girl has bad five
offers of marriage. This is pretty good
proof that two heads are not better than
one. If she was a single headed Girl she
would have had twice five offers Young
men hold aloof on account Of tongue
being in each head-and double barreled
curtain lecture az one time is too much =
Norrtstoa0a Herald.
Il say, YOU young ones, stop your
hooting. What do you suppose folks
think? A pack o wild Injins wouldn't
make half the noise. Stop it, | tell you
Lit you must make such racket, get up on
the fence and yell into the next yard. See
bow the neighbors will stand it," and
| with slam of the door the days family
government was ended, aud she see
sawed the sewing machine treadle in
peace.-Neao Havea Register.
A Colorado pape1 says: An English
man, who had seen better days, was rid
ing in the coach to Leadyil!e recently.
There were a good many other people in
the coach also. Will you please, said the
Engiishman, open that window; l want to
see the mountain scenery An Irish
woman, who was snoozing 10 a corner,
looked up on hearing the remark, and OBJ
served: 'Bedad, you'll see plenty of it
month from now, when you're comm
back on fut.
Captain James Etchberger, who lives in
this CITY, has parrot who can say several
words IN good English. The parrot used
to be in the room in which the captains
family met to pray. One morning the
parrot went out into the garden, when a
large hawk flew down and caught the par
rot in his claws, bearing it off over the
tree-tops. All at once the parrot shrleked
out. 20 Lord save usi o Lord save usi"
which frightened the hawk SO much that
he dropped his prize -B0ltim0re Nescs.
How do you account for this? Ia the
lodge. the marshal is directed to retire to
the ante-room to introduce Bill Smithers
and Tom Brown, 10 language something
like the following: Brother Marshal,
you will retire to the ante-room and resv
pecttuly inform His High Mightiness the
Most Puissant William Smthers. and His
Inetfable Potency the Very Venerable
Thomas Brown, that this reverent body
awaits the distinguished honor of their
irradiating presence" Then the marshal
goes out and says, 'All ready. Bill; come.
Iom, hurry up" In the army. on the
contrary. this order was reversed, like
this: General Bombastes yells out to his
aide, Go down there to the forks of the
road-and go as though the devil was af-
ter you-and ask Colonel Sordnot VIVA. in
I-he means, SO long In getting into line p
Away goes the aide on the gallop, which
modeTates first into a sober trot aud
walk as he nears Colonel Sordnot, whom
he addresses with great formality, saying.
| Colonel, General Bombastes sends bis
lcompliments, and desires that you move
your regiment up into line as speedily as
possible. boston transcript.
! The other night about 10 o'clock a con
| stable, who was walking up Maple street
on business. was halted by weak looking
little man who was bit agitated. The
| officer suspected family row, but it didn't
turn out that way. The little man asked
him to step around the corner and take a |
| look at certain house. and the officer
stepped. 1t was an unoccupied house. |
and as they halted before it the citizen
said:
1T is my humble opinion that there is |
no family in here, and that water-pipe |
has bursted. | dislike very much to see |
any ones property damaged if | can pre-
vent it"
Sure enough, there was two feet of |
water ID the cellar and more rushing in.
1T is my humble opinion" remarked |
the little man as the two looked through |
the cellar window, that some thief has
cut off the pipe and the drain is stopped |
up. Perhaps you don't want to see this
property damaged? ?"
The constable didn't, Iu his philan-
thropy he decided to open the drain. and.
the little N an having procured a candle.
the officer waded in water up to his knees,
poked around for ten minutes with stick,
and finally ODpnnd tho dra:p