The Hawaiian gazette., 1879-12-31
A Good Story about Alexander Ste.
Phens and Bob Toombs.

doctor named Royston had sued Peter Ben
nett for bis bill, long overdue. for attending
the wife of the latter. Alexander ii. Stephens
was on the Bennett side, and Robert Toombs,
then Senator of the United States, was for Dr.
Royston. The Doctor proved the number OF
his visits, their value according to local custom,
and his own authority to do medical practice
Mr.. Stephens told his client that the physician
had made out his case, and as there was moth :.
ing wherewith TO rebut or Offset the claim, the
onty thing left to do was to pay it. mo"
said Peter; 81 hired you 10 speak in my case,
and now speak"
Mr.. Stephens told him there was nothing to
say he had looked on 20 see that it was made
out and it was.
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr.. Stephens
told him to make q speech himself, if he thought
one could be made.
u will" said Peter Bennett, if Bobby
Toombs wont be too hard on me-"
Gentlemen OF the Jury-You and is plain
farmers, and if we don't stick together these
ere lawyers and doctors will git the advantage
of Us. | amt no lawyer nor doctor, and amt
no objections to them 10 their proper place but
Now this man Royston was new doctor,
and went for him TO come aud doctor my
wife's sore leg. And he came an put some
salve truck onto it, and some rags, but never
done it one bit OF good, gentlemen of the jury.
don't believe be is no doctor, no way ; but this
man don't earn his money, and if you send for
him, as Mrs. Sarah Atkinson did for a negro
boy az was worth $1,000 be just kills him and
wants pay for it,"
Il don t." thundered tbs doctor.
Did you cure him Z" asked Peter, with the
slow accents of o Judge with the black cap on.
The doctor was silent and Peter proceeded.
AS was sayin' gentlemen Of the jury, we
farmers when we sell our cotton has got to give
valIy for the money we ask. and doctors amt
none too good to be put to the same rule. And
don't believe this Sam Royston is no doctor,
nohow"
The physician again put 10 his oar. with,
Look OF my diploma, if you think am no doc
tor"
His diploma p exclaimed the new-fedged
orator with great contempt. " His diploma
Gentlemen, that is big word for printed sheep
skin, and it didn't make no doctor of the sheep
as first wore it, nor does it Of the man as now
carries it. good newspaper has more in it,
and pint out to ye that he amt no doctor at
ALL"
The man OF medicine was now 10 fury, aud
screamed out, I" Ask my patients if am not a
doctor p
81 asked my wife," retorted Peter, " an she
said as how she thought you wasn't"
Ask my other patients" said DR.. Royston.
This seemed to be the straw that broke the
camels back, for Peter replied with look and
tone of unntterable sadness
That is hard sayin, gentlemen of the jury
and one that requires me to die or to have pow
ers as I've heard tell ceased to be exercised
since the Apostles. Does he expect me to bring
the Angel Gabriel down 10 toot bis horn before
his time and cry aloud, Awake, ye dead. and
tell this court and jury of Royston's practice p
Am to go to the lonely churchyard and rap on
the silent tomb and say to um as 10 at last at
rest from physic aud doctor bills, Git up here,
you. and state if you died natural death, or
was hurried up some by doctors?' He says ask
his patients. and, gentlemen or the jury. they
are all dsddi Where is Mrs. Beazy's man
Sam Go ask the worms in the graveyard
where he lies. Mr.. Peake's woman Sarah was
attended by him, and her funeral was appointed,
and be had the corps ready. Where is that
likely Bill as belonged to Mr. Mitchell? Now
10 glory. expressin' his opinion on Royston's
doctorin'. Where is that baby gal Of Harry
Stephensi She are where doctors cease from
troubn' and the infants are at rest.
Gentlemen of the jury he has eat chicken
enough at my house to pay Tor his saIve, and |
furnished the rags. and l don't suppose ae
charges for maxim of her worse, and even be
don't pretend to charge for curin' Of her, aud !
am humbly thankful that be never gave her
nothin' for her inwards. as he did bis other pa
tients. for somethin' made I'm all die mighty
sudden"-
here the applause made the speaker sit down
10 great confusion. and 10 spite OF logical re-
statement Of the case by Senator Toombs, the
doctor lost and Peter Bennett won.-NeW York
World.