, 1879-02-16
HuMQR.

When may one's teeth be said to usurp the
functions Of one's tongue? When they are
chattering.
III think our church will last good many
years yet,' said wagcish deacon to his minis
ter; II see the slcepers are very sound"
On being deserted BY her adorer, young lady
in the millinery line broke forth IN this way:
'.Such wretch ought to be battered to death
with thimplcs and buried ia q band-box!"
A wit having been asked by another person
whether be would advise him to lend 4 certain
friend ooi theirs money, said. ''"What! lend him
money! You might give him an emetic, and he
wouldn't return it."
4 lady, engaged to be married, and getting
sick Of her bargain, applied to friend to help
her to unite the k:iot before it was too late.
20 certainly" she replied; "it Is very easy to
unite it now while it is only beau knot.'
4 famous prnstcr, after calling for some pipes
in z tavern, complained that they were too
short The waiter sai.l that they had no others.
and that those had just come in. AYE" said
the wit I. I see your master has not bought
them very long,"
BashEul lover Ito his swectbeart)-" Ahcm,
miss, want to see your father: I've an iu,-
nortant matter to propose to hiul." Young lady
(cousidcrately)-"ln Tin sorry papa is not ut horne,
but couldn't you propose to INC just as well:n
nc did, and With perfect success.
aWbat shall leave you when dica" said nn
1DSlDl1 1EItQh " u ia0j 1AOSC pAL1IHIC AE
had pcaflv exhausted. - Needn't wait till you
nie,n SAID she; you can leave something now.
if you will" It What shall lcarc." he asked.
ss Leave yourself,'' she replied. He left.
A bercared wiaower, while receiving the con-
doience OF friends acknowledged that it was in-
deed loss, sad bereavement, that ; ne nad @ SUI
few days ago bought her q Whole boz Of pills,
and she hadn't had time to take half Of them
before she 6ied."
Scene: Fancy hosiery. Facctious youth pur-
chasing bow for his Observation-Disclosures youth
ito shop -girl)-"I suppose you have all kinds OF
ties here, miss!' op-girl-'' Yes, believe
we have, sir. What kind would you like to secs"
Facctious youth (winking to his swcetheart)-
Gould you supply me with pigs-ty!" Shop
girls With pleasure, sir. Just bold down YOUR
head and Ill take your measure" Iaolcau
Two old Scotch women were discussing the
merits Of minister vino hao !ateiy come into
their ncighborhood. sand hoo dye like the
new meenister gu said the one. "Ou." said the
other, sshe's that deep Gamma understan' him" :"
s.Hoots," said the first, contempt1ousty, ..he's
no letp-he's just drunlV." 'sDruElly,' ap-
piled to ". es means thick, muddy. lhe stream
was shallow enough, Dur the drumlincss made
it look deep.
Chicago Con.,ncrtta! 4tdr<rttser.
The SEALS kin is numerous.
4 nice jam is preferable to an ice jam.
Look not upon the swine when it is bied.
Burlington saws: Iowa halt-a-million; and
Cleveland e1clailus: '*Ohio several Millions"
4 promising young man by the name OF
Waters saws his paternal progenitor is famous
as being ''the~father Of Waters"
| The wife of printer in New Haven has ap-
plicu for divorce, on the ground that her hus-
baad had no style about him; he wouldn't brace
| up, had no dash, cut no figure, had no point,
| lived up to no rule, was OF bad form and make
.<&f 1a%tn ~, ft%fh ind
was poor type Of the genus, was out Of quoin,
aud couldn't impose or her any longer.