The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-08-28
THE DIET OF WORMS!

When the Black Crow Downward Flies.
They have had still another meeting. The
wall-eyed reporter has again been abroad. This
time they did not meet to discuss finance. A
crow had to be eaten-a big, black, nasty crow,
with cayenne pepper in the stuffing, and "Old
Purity" alias Jack Falstaff, had to do the eat
ing. 1t was late in the evening-away in the
night. One tallow candle in the top of an old
bottle Illuminated the scene. That bottle had
been passed tor the last time. The Howard led
in prayer, then moved to proceed to business,
and called "Noisy Joe,' to the chair. Col. Mi
cawber Immediately objected, saying that Moi
sy Joe had bolted Greeley and voted for
Charles O'Connor, and in this meeting they
wanted a man who had never "f1ew the track"
"a man whose Democracy was as old as his
life. He therefore nominated Sp1ke-nose Bill,
who was chosen. Bill was in a funny mood,
and said that he understood the object of the
meeting was to make stubborn Democrat
swallow his crow. He hoped there would be
no difficulty. Democracy could stand good
deal. In fact the Democratic party had swal-
lowed him, and his Democratic friend could
surely stand a little crow after hearing that.
However if the object of the meeting had not
been correctly stated he hoped some one would
explain. The Howard, being big with speech,
arose and said: "Fellow Democrats, you who
are not acquainted with the workings of the
spirit, and the unutterable love we have one
for another, cannot understand the ways of the
pure. Well do I remember, upon looking back
over my long life in the Democratic party, and
my Christian usefulness, how many times have
the ungodly misconstrued my conduct, and in
their wicked souls have, in two or three in
Stances in the past fifteen years, dared, in the
face of society and the church, to insinuate
that, in their Judgment, I could be forced to
prevaricate. Horrible to contemplate! Sinners
accusing"
"H-" exclaimed Gen. Bluster. "What the
blankety blanknation does this all mean This
is not Methodist class-meeting Howard if
you want TO preach, go elsewhere"
eyes," exclaimed Benjamin, surnamed "The
Brick" "My understanding of this meeting is
that there is crow to be eat, body, feathers and
all. Howard, bring on your man. No more
pollyfoxing He has got to eat it.
The Howard stepped into the back ROOM and
after a short prayer, led Purity in. What a
sight!i What a struggle the sheep had to keep
the wolf in! But he knew that his bread and
butter depended upon eating that particular
crow. AS he took his seat he exclaimed:
farewell legislative honors. Little did L
dream of this last winter, when 1 prayed so
fervently-that might thereby get Office But
| such is life. am ready"
Just then in came James, surnamed "The
Truthful assisted by a coal miner. James
held up the crow; Big Tom, from the land of
Ophir, was about to force it down Purity's
| throat, when the Howard proposed to pray.
"Not bit of it," yelled Gen. Bluster. "Blank
his blank soul to blanknation, make him swal-
| low it, and say if he don't banker after it,"
Purity asked that the candle be put out while
| he swallowed the dose.
''No. sir,'' said the Gen. "That crow has got
to be ct publicly"
Long Ed suggested that the crow be reduced
| to liquid condition-something like turtle
| soup, and then poured down. This plan was
| adopted, and "Purity" was led to the middle
| door by Howard, who pulled his head over the
| shutter, and the crow was poured down. Long
Ed bit big chew off the butt end of big twist
| of tobacco, chewed it and smiled. He then
winked with his right eye and said:
| "The old b-h."
| Then he winked with his left eye and contin-
| ued:
"Jist like my daddy used to drench his sick
hoSses over in Fechinny."
As the crow went down the wolf was heard
to growl, but the sheep smiled.
| "Do you hanke1?" said the Gen.
And "Purity" said, "Yea verify. 1 hanker.' ,
"YUM YUMv'