Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-01-30

Waving high that tuft of cotton
! Called by courtesy tail.
FUNNYaRAPHs.
FIRM frieDds-partners.
SPEL11Na-BEEs have begun 10 hum in
Maine.
"Qu1TB q cold snap" Is the fox re-
marked when the trap took him in.
How to produce . telling effect
Communicate secret to woman.
The latest slang phrase is: "Oh,
you're too new; the dust sticks to you"
The current news always makes cur
rent in the Misrepresentation Tram
script.
A. FARMER who keeps his fences in
good order has good deal of style about
him.-Nes0 York Mail.
MARRIED men are apt to forget that
if it had not been for their mothers-in-
law they would not have their wives.
IT is base ball where one lady mon
opolizes partners enoug b to have nine
on side. Any other woman present.
will say 80.
If the characters of all our young men
stood as high as their shirt collars, the
community would present better as
pect than it does--Syracase Times.
A TRAMP, who received blow from
an Amazonian widow, declared that,
until then, he had never realized the
full significance of widows smite.
The wise man placeth the stock of his
gun to his shoulder before he freth, but
the fool looketh down the barrel to see
the ball start.-Rome Sentinel.
VIZ dare not cay the Indian is not
treated we'll, but if We could only get
along without "treating" him at all
how much better it would be.
GALL of which l saw" said tie big
steam driven "circular'' to the pile Of
lumber. "Part of which l was" re-
piled the scantling.-N*w York News.
"TH1s sidewalks handy, but not as
sandy as I wish it was" said the man
who reached his length on an icy pave
ment.-Ne,0 Hauen Register.
s.SEE how l ride Ger the raging
mane!" exclaimed a man who was
thrown over his horses head into ditch
on the other side of the fence.-Hacken-
sack Republican.
CoURT-Prisoner, you are accused OF
vagrancy, having no means of existence.
Prisoner-No means of existence! What
do you call that? Produces red herring
from pocket and offers 1t in eridencs).
SAYS the captain to Pat:
As Paddy of whisky was drinking his fill.
With 4 satisfied sigh,
Az he fnished the "rye,"
Says Paddy: Be Js6ers, don't think ye Wilt"
"YoU may break, you may shatter
your leg if you WILL" only don't expect
to pass yourself off as q veteran of the
war of 1912, and draw pension.-N
Y. Commercial Advertiser.
TIE Norristown Herald indicates its
belief in the Oriental origin of man by
stating the well-known fact that both
the poppy and the mummy come from
; the east.
"SEE what rent the envious Casca
made" said Mark Antony ia his Grafton;
and we suppose that was the leased he
could say about it.-Burdette.
"YoUR late husband, madame" be-
gan her lawyer-"Yes, know he was
always late out o'nights, but now that
he's dead don't let us upbraid him" said
his charitable WIDOW.
A BIG dry goods box mounted On a
pair of homemade runners passed our
Office the other day, with the inscription
on the back, Ekonomy is Welth."-
, Port Austin Neaos.
. A PITTSBURGH critic, speaking of an
actress, says: "When little sentiment
becomes necessary, she slips into the
vein much as she would put on her over
shoe, and when she gets over the place
kicks it off unceremoniously."
> The day before Turkish girl is mar
> ried she is taken to the bath by her lady
friends and Jumps of sugar are broken
over her hoad as forecast of the sweets
: of matrimony. A year or so afte1ward
> her husband breaks the whole sugar
bowl over her head.
A MAN with q cloak under one arm
and a piece of zinc, four feet square,
} under the other, afforded considerable
recreation to the humble denizens of
! Nelson street, during the gale Friday
morning. Some of his remarks could
} have been heard, it is estimated, full =
mile away.-Danbury Ne,cs.
I AND now the Chinese claim that the
: telephone is nearly two thousand years
old, having been in Use about that time
: in their country. There is something
Z that is older than the telephone-lying.
Q It is older than the Chinese wall. It is
. as old as the first Chinese historian.
And about as reliable.-Burl,ngton
l Ha,Okeye.
8 "Is the water all froze up?" asked
9 Aunt Dorothy of Jeems, who was trying
q - break the ice in the water.cask on
o Monday morning. "No, aunty, I should
q say it was froze down." and he turned
: his Ratchet so it sent shower OF fine ice
8 in the old lady's face. "That's an i'm
pudent trick" said she. "Oh, no!'
r said the youngster, it's an ice response -
): Lynn Reporter.
t "PooR Herbert! How wish you did
l. not have to slave so at that horrible store
|, from morning to night" said his wife,
l. as, with fond caress, she seated herself
!, on her husbands knee, and gently
) stroked the auburn locks from his sloping
i brow. And the grave, stern man of
d business understood her at once, and
o answered.: "Well, Susie, what is ia
: bonnet, or what7 Go light on me,
!: for money is scarcer'n ever."-Chicago
g Tribune.
Q A LONE musician iddled "Home,
!: Sweet Home so sweetly at street cor
3 ner that stranger three blocks away
was affected to tears. When he was
l. asked "wby he wept, and if the dear old
ls tune stirred tender memories in his
d heart" be mournfully replied: "You
= bet. If you was sole proprietor OF a
= red-headed woman with diagonal eye,
y who could make nine bulls-eyes with a
o stove-lid out of a possible ten, and whose