The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-04-05
TERMS $500 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE.
OF an English wit about an English historian
~ wish was as sure of anything as Ma.
caulay is of everything"

N"UaJ ~ VI eVeIytuluS'
--"B," an initial letter which Yorick in
this instance, following the method of ths
Honorable Bardwell Slote, considers as stand.
ing for bright as dollar" sends to the
Drawer some objections, based On modern
scientific reasoning, to the story of the Flood,
AS Will be seen, by reading between the lines.
the whole system of theology is measured by
the capacity of quart-boite. 1t would not
be easy to find more striking illustration OF
the spirit of modern skeplicism, The COM
munication purports to be a letter to "B,"
but 1t is not unreasonable TO class the epistle,
50 far as writer and receiver are concerned
with the letters Mr.. Toots, of delightful men.
ory, read to his fellow pupils. Yorck GER
tainly hopes that opp will be as voluminous
as Little Dombey's friend, and furnish to the
Drawer more speculations as ingenious and
entertaining as those subioined:
B sends bis thanks to Yorick for MANY
bright thoughts in the Drawer, and offers
this characteristic letter received by him tho
other day.
fin glass. bottle you put quart Of pure
wafer, at, say, 40 deg. Fahrenheit, you can
quart OF pure water at the same temperature
(of course If the water is heated above 40 deg.
or frozen, you can get more than one quartz.
Now the proposition is this: you can get no
more out of anything than there is in it..
81 was led to this reflection when thinking
on the mercurial and wa'er barometers; tho
| first sustaining thirty inches of mercury
which indicates the weight of the air-pressure,
and the latter sustaining thirty.fiVe feet of
water, also indicating the air-pressure, and as
think, still further indicating the amount OF
tuater held in uapOr In the atmosphere.
NOW the one quart of water in the bottls
is in the bottle in the same manner as the
thirty five feet of water are in the air; one
condensed, the other in vapor, but both alike
in weight, when the vapor in the air is con-
densed in equal quantity.
"These reflections led me to think of the
great deluge and destruction of mankind, for
the ark rested on the mountain of Ararat,
and "the tops of the mountains were COW
ed,"-and it rained forty days-and Ararat
is II, 900 feet high Now il you can get no
more out of anything than there IS in 1t, how
can you cover mountain seventeen thou
sand feet high with thirty-fve feet of waterl
81 am under the impression that the de-
luge was greatly magni6ed by Moses, as he
heard IL through tradition; for, although one
must respect and believe the traditions Of
the Elders as being real, and not imaginary,
yet we cannot regard them as accurate, but
rather dream-like, from the great distance in
time that they are from US, or as from Moses
in case Of the deluge.
Now, if you can get no more out of any
thing than there is in it, the deluge must
have been local. @. E. d.
Doubtless some of the readers of the
Drawer have seen the Alamach de Gotha,
and wondered at the mutitudinous names
which those put down in the lists bear,
Many have heard the tale OF the Spanish
Don and his duel as recited by Mr.. Churchill
and other elocutionists. "Eboracus' is as
suming as many signatures as any scion of
royal house or as the Spaniard who lost
breath forever while trying to present him.
self. Unlike Iherian or princeling, however,
each signature of Yorick's contributor is the
mark of some deed done-as were ancient
knightly titles and the degrees of nobility
conferred by Napoleon on his generals. In
the subjoined communication he echoes the
cry of the royal Israeic preacher, and
shows from the early records OF Maine that
frauds on the ballot-box aud laws against
liquor-selling are not new things under the
sun. The history is old, though nearly for
gotten, the wit fresh, and both Instructive
and entertaining.
| Undoubtedly Yorick, in common with
| Eboracus, has become tolerably familiar with
| the cosmopolitan saw, "There Is nothing
new under the sun." This familiarity has
been nurtured by adoption and contact.
| They (Yorlck and Eboracus) have suffixed it
mentally to each successive philosophical
L hot hooh hoa
| the brief period of their existence Nor has
| anything escaped this omniverous practice,
| The most delicate and elaborate mechanical
| adjustments that bring to birth perfected
| marveis OF science have suffered mutually
| with the jest OF the sanctum sanctorum that
| succeeded only in choking constant read
err at the breakfast table who tried to laugh
when swallowing the pun with his coffee.
Qu8re:-has this practice been standing on
the firm rock of facts or treading IN the shift
| ing sands OF some forgotten Esop? Ebora-
Gus confesses that he could not have substan-
| tiated his universal comment If requested,
| but now be piTouettes with glee. He has
seen with his own eyes and will proceed to
demonstrate to the gentle reader that the
legal record of a forgotten the should say
unknownl age testify most pointedly to the
solidity ofhis position.
Heretofore when narrating with extreme
| gusto the elimination of some caustic joke,
| Eboracus has had a nebulous idea that his
| explosive audience were being deceived.
| The extent or particulars of the deception he
could not indicate satisfactorily to himselL
| He always felt that he should cothe the para
| graph in quotation marks, or end with "from
| Athens Hawkeye'' or Carthage Free Press"
or mention that il was a favorite satire of the
| Troy newspapers before the Christian era.
| Still the idea OF attributing the banana peel
diatribe to the editor of the Athens daily, or
the bed bug extravaganza to Homer, has
been so offensive to his ideas Of prehistoric
sobriety that he has preferred to plagiarize in
quiet way. But life is too short for diver
sion and he proceeds to arrive at conclusions.
A short time ago he made pilgrimage to
the old town of Alfred, so faithfully pictured
in the Drawer by Yorick, and there gazed
with interest, reverence and curiosity on the
old parchment volumes thai have lain in
musty repose for two centuries aud half in
the Office of the Clerk of Courts. These
| books, brown, fragile, gnawed by the re-
| morseess tooth of Time, date back to 1886,
and are the earliest and only record of the
colony days OF Maine Turning over the
page once thumbed by Gorges, Rshworth
and Pepperell, he read and noted the follow
ing paragraphs from the Court Record, and
they are submitted in substantiation of the
statement that "there is nothing new Under
the sun."
July lOIl-Mr. InOmaS WltnerS COM
playned of and before the Court Convicted
for Seruptitiousy endeavoring to pervert the
providence of God and privileges of others
by putting in several Votes for bimself to be
an officer at Town Meeting when He was
Intrusted by divers Freemen to Vote TOR 9TH
er men n. For his delinquen-
cy herein, the aforesaid Thomas Withers is
fined Five Pounds, to be paid in money or
other pay equivalent thereunto to the Treas
urer OF the County or to stand in the Pillory
at York the next Training Day Two Hours:
Officers fees S."
Sand further the said Thomas Withers is
disfranchised and henceforth disenabed to
Elect, or be chosen, to any place of Public
Trust as freeman have and ought to have
either in Town or publick affairs until Under
the Sense Of his miscarriage opportunity
gives him leave to give suitable satisfaction
to Court and country"
After reading this story of ballot-box frauds
two centuries ago in the First District Of
Maine, let Yorick, in his editorial capacity,
desist from further denuncation of the tissue
votes and stuffed election returns of South