Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1879-03-05
HUMOROUS.

USOMEBODY WILL 1hi -r;ny
woman of thirty who had peeli o,y d as
was ushered in by the door-Doy' sI ~
she sat down and slowly uhtieu
die her tears flowed afresh. .,, L;,dIv
"Any one of the family SICK Ainu'
asked BUah. .rswsred.
"Wuss nor that, sir, =" she ahs"e0
"Lost your husband =, .,s. os
"No. sir; but its something ai,o
had. Here, see this table-cioth; T,
Riiah received it for inspection.
was a fair looking tablecloth, anu 81 n0
observed. ,y s,. almost
screamed. - 10, on all
"Madam, did you buy this ior aA AA
wool table-spreadr .a sir
sI bought it for linen spreau, sn
The storekeeper assured me In tne mus
solemn manner that If ii WASH ali iin1n
he would eat it. I've washed IL oniy
once. and behold what it looks IKE,
II isn't half cotton, then I'll eat IL.
"So'Il l." replied the janitor, as ne
spread out the cloth and chewed away
"And what shame, sir, when IN
moor woman, and this is the only cio'n
i've got for company" -.
s.It's a mean trick, madam, Dut l
don't know as can help you any IL
has got so now, that they will cheat
dead man by palming off stained col
fin on him for walnut, and expect 10
discover that mutton-chops are made oi
leather. and beef. teak of compressed
saw dust. However, you have one con-
ISOLATION"
"What Is that, sir.
"The man who lied to you will sooner
or later come to some bad end.
"But l can't wait for 10 bad emu,
sir" she protested, as she seized the
spread and started out TO consult JUS
tice and begin lawsuit.
ats a shame" replied Bi,ah as ne
sat down. "I've got to go and Duy
calico dress for a poor woman on lhir,
teenth street, and I've no doubt they IL
swindle me, and the goods will turn Out
half cotton. If they do, somebody VIII
get hurt, and l know il"
"How DO YOU know it was brandy" 7"
asked the lawyer. "I smelled of it first,
and then welcomed about a glassful or
it," The unexpected verb wholly upset
the gravity of the court, jury, and mis-
cellaneous collection of people; and
they were not assisted at all in recover
ing their eauanimity by the further
testimony that the man who bought the
brandy drank of it himself ''till he was
quite salubrious."
A MAN named Tarping, who lives out
on West Hill, was coming down from
the roof of the house via two-story
ladder the other morning, when he
stopped, and slid and bumped all the
way down that ladder to the ground,
never missing a round. He is ready TO
swear that he went back in some
places and hit some of the rounds
twice.
AN ENGLISH lady of high rank and
exquisite taste, haviag read an adver-
tisement of London silversmith, in
which it was said that by the electro
plating process walters and other arti-
Iicles might be plated so that by no
possible means could they be distin-
guished from real silver, sent her three
foCtmen and page to be electroplated by
the advertiser.
A PERSON who was recently called into
court for the purpose of proving the
correctness of surgeons bill, was
asked by the lawyer whether "the doc
tor did not make several visits after the
patient was out of dangerr' mo" re-
piled the witness, 81 considered the pa
tient in danger as long as the doctor
continued his visits"
The property advertised in to-day's
paper at Oiney, 22d ward, Philadelphia.
is finely located just outside of the built
up portion of the city, and will soon
be wanted at a large increase Of price,
for building lots. 1t can be purchased
now at one-half the price it will bring
for building lots in the next fiue or ten
years.
A VERY ugly woman, toying with
pug dog in front of the cafe on the bou-
levard, said to Rusty: kiss me and
/ will give you this piece of sugar" A
street Arab passing by exclaimed:
"Don't she ask a high price for her
sugar?"
THERE'S no disgrace in being poor
the thing is to keep it quiet and not let
your neighbors know anything about
it.
DIR. HOLMES says that crying widows
marry first. There is nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
OLD maids like one kind of fruit,
namely pairs; bnt they certainly do not
appear TO like dates.
ANOTHER natural history fact-one
swallow doesn't make spriug, but one
blacksmith can.
MAN appoints, but woman disap-
points.