Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-05-28
Hurnor.

HumOr.
"People never live to very old age
in YOUR state" said man to a resident
of Texas. "No-no,"w was the reply, "but
they probably would if they got the
chance"
A clearinghouse mistress, like the
rest of us, has her weak and strong
points,-the weak being her coffee, and
her strong point the butter.
A picture of Despair pig reaching
through hole in the fence to get cab
bage that lies a few inches beyond his
reach.
A hotel landlord in California saves
the expense of going by keeping
dog. The weight Of tho landlord on
sufficiently loud to awaken all the
guests.
There is man in the west who has
moved so often that when a covered wa
gon comes near his house, the chickens
fall on their backs and cross their legs
ready to be tied and carried to the next
stopping place.
GLOW well he plays for one so young"
said Mrs. Darlington, as an Organ-boy
performed with a monkey near the
door; "and how much his little brother
looks like him, to be sure"
When an old backwoodsman was about
to take his first ride on Mississippi
steamer, he was asked whether he
would take deck or cabin passage.
"Well," SAID he, in resigned sort Of
way, GIVE lived all my life in cabin,
and l guess cabin passage will be good
enough for rough chap like me-"
They tell 8 story about man out west
who had u hare lip, upon which he per-
formed an operation himself by insert
ing a piece of chicken flesh. 1t adhered
and filled up the place admirably. This
was we'll enough until, in compliance
with the fashion, he undertook to raise
moustache, when one Side grew hair
and the other feathers.
A short-sighted man went to an op-
tician's to change his glasses, which were
not strong enough. After he had gotten
the right ones he asked, "What number
must | wear after these cease to be
strong enough?" "This one," said the
optician, showing him another pair.
land after that ?" "This." "And
after that" "After that? after that !?
You'll need little dog and string"
A Chinese laundryman presented his
bill to young citizen yesterday, with
the remark: Payee billee, or no more
washee." "Can't do it, John" "Whyee
no payee." "The Chinese bill is We
toed, John,' was the reply. "The
President vetoed the bill some time
ago." "Helle Plesident billee, and you
no payee; dance suee President" And
John started off determined to get some
process to garnishee President Hayes
wages for the amount of the wash bill.
Oil City Derrick.
"The vile, abominable literature that
is polluting the minds of our boys and
girls" wrote the Bugle editor, lis a pub
lie disgrace, and - by the way, Jud-
kinson," said he, stopping short in his
able editorial and turning to the local
editor, "be sure you have the full par
ticulars of that divorce scandal in East
Biggleston; the Whangdoodle mustn't get
the bulge on us this time. Let me see;
where was l? Oh! yes-public DISGRACE
and should be suppressed by the strong
arm of the law. Many a youth owns
his downfall to the-be sure you inter
view both the parties, Judkinson, and
make it spicy, you know"
On quiet day in leafy June, when
bees and birds were all in tune, two
lovers walked beneath the moon. The
night was fair, so was the maid; they
walked and talked beneath the shade,
with none to harm or make afraid. Her
name was Sue, and his was Jim; and he
was fat and she was slim. He took to
her, and she to HIM. Says Jim to Sue,
"By all the snakes that squirm among
the bush and brakes, I love you bettern
buckwheat cakes" Says Sue to Jim,
"Since you've begun it, and been and
come and gone and done it, I like you
next to a new bonnet" Says Jim to
Sue, "My heart you've busted, but I al
ways gals mistrusted." Says Sue to
Jim, 81 will be true; if you love me as
[ love you, no knife can cut our love in
two" Says Jim to Sue, Through thick
and thin, for your true love count me
in; I'll court no other gal ag'in." Jim
leaned to Sue, Sue leaned to Jim his
nose just touched her jockey brim four
lips met-Went ahem! ahem! And then
and then-and then-then O gals,
beware of men in June, and under
meath the silver moon, when frogs and
crickets are in tune, lest you get your
names in the paper soon.
Is 1t Haunted!
New York Herald
IL r