St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-12-26
Squibs.

The latest tramp lament is: eyes,
mum wuth a million a week ago lost
it all in stocks. Haven't eat ANYTHING
for month" "a tramp always gets
| thrown when he wrestles with chronol-
ogy.) Boston Transcript.
Michigan is the place for self-sacrifice.
When young lady who has been eat
ing onions appears at country dance
all the rest bite an onion that she may
not feel embarrassed or lOnely.-[De-
troit Free Press.
"There is nothing like settling down."
said retired merchant cOnfidentially
to his neighbor. "When l gave up my
business l settled down and found 1
had quite a comfortable fortune. fl
had settled up shouldn't have had
cent"
Friend or enemy, it is important to
know just where your acquaintances
stand. We have a great deal of SYM
pathy with the western hunter who
observed" that "the rattlesnake is a
squar, honest reptyle, that let's you
know when he means to resoom busi-
ness, and gives you time to step back"
At the Thanksgiving dinner her papa
said to her: .'Nelly, will you have
some of the turkey ?' ayes, papa was
the reply of the four-year-old as she
looked at the stuffing, "but | won't
have any of the hash"
Little Will thinks his papa the end of
all perfection. One day he said
Mamma, how good is God ? AS good
as papa?" "Oh, yes," said mamma, ga
great deal better" Will looked up at
bar IF cho ha1 t,tf
remarked emphatically, "Well, now
don't believe that"
They say ''a man is known by his as
sociates." OF course he is; a man can't
associate with people for any length of
time without their knowing him.
A new memoir of Lord Beaconsfeld.
just out in England, bears this motto
from Artemus Ward: "He asked what
was my prinserpuls; Il amt got enny,'
| said, mot prinserpul; Pm in the
show bizness.'"
A little girl passing the Washington
statue lately, asked lady with her if
Washington was buried there. ''No.n
said the lady. "Where is he buried ~
said the little girl. 81 don't know"
said the lady. "Then guess you don't
read your Bible much," said little inno-
cence.-[ [NewburypOrt Herald.
The young man of New Hampshire,
who, toying with pistol that positive
ly wasn't loaded blew his brains out,
should have a monument. All the other
fools insist on killing somebody else.-
buffalo Express.
ga senses-takeT," said the old lady:
"waal, there's me an jeremiah, am
Sarah Ann, an that's all, 'cept jim, an,
he's fool an amt got no senses to
take.n
When you see man with a gun on
his shoulder and three dogs at his heels
making across the country, you needn't
feel bad for the rabbits. He'll miss a
crow or two, find few frozen apples.
fall into a creek, and return home be-
llevlng he had laundering big time.
Mr.. Curtis once asked Mr.. Gree;ev
10 response to similar question put to
him by the great editor: Chow do Won
know, Mr.. Greeley, when you have sue
ceeded In public address 2" Mr.. Gree
ley, not averse to the perpetration of a
joke at his own expense, replied !:
"When more stay in than go out"
The Philadelphia Bulletin cracks this
capital joke: "The reason whv Rhode
Island has two capitals is that two Cant
tails are necessary, one for Rhode and
one for Island. Nobody would like to
spell it rhode Island or even Rhode is
land"
An exchange, telling of fire, saws a
man Jumped from a window in his
night-dress." What the mischief did
ne have window in his night-dress
for? . '
A Phillips, Me-, blacksmith adver-
tises: Particular attention paid to in
teriering and Over-Ieaching.n- pa spe-
clalty, however, not confined to his
trade.
A popular clergyman was greatly
bored by lady who admired him with
out reserve. "Oh, my dear Mr.. -
said she, ''there isn't any harm in low
ing ones pastor, is there ~ "Certainlv
not, madam" replied the worthy cleri,
cal, mot the least in the world. so lone
as the feeling is not reciprocated nee
Boston Courier,