The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1879-12-12
COMICALITIES.

COMICALITIES.
The boy who was kept after school for
bad photography said he was SPELL
bound.
UNCAs il the ominous name of q New
York race horse-Uncas was the last of
his race.
The blind should 90 10 the Holy
Land where even the Dead sea.-SdLem
Sunbeam.
THE PicayGne says that crying behind
handkerchief cannot be looked upon
as a masked ball.
To obtain q beautiful view of the
heavens walk out any clear night and
step on a banana skin.
A NEW town in Keokuk county, lows,
has been named Thornburgh, in honor
of the gallant Major Thornburgh.
A WESTERN newspaper says: " Some
of our subscribers are trying to kill us
with kindness-unremitting kindness"
STARCH Is said to be explosive. 1t
causes explosions in the family when the
old man finds il has been left ont of his
collars.
CHANG awayw replied horse thief
to a mob. Il prefer the limb up thar
to your company down here" And
they pulled.
A BIG trade in toys is expected at
Christmas time, and speculative chill
dren are urging their parents to 60 long
on the mark0ts
A GAME of euchre between the sea-
sons-spring passes, summer makes 1t
next, autumn orders it up and winter
runs the game out.
A HEN will set on q nest of eggs for
days without q murmur; but let man
sit on dozen eggs but for minute and
he will use fowl language enough to fill
q barn-yard,
No boy ever yet had good chance to
shy stone through back window that
it didn't take twenty pounds of will
pressure to the square inch to neglect
the opportunity.
IT is not strange that writers some
times get puzzled in their choice between
"that," which" and "who." Relatives
are always more or less Troublesome
Boston Transcript.
A GERMAN company Just arrived in
New York advertises I" lhre Majestaet
Schiff Pinafore." This has a suspicious
look. The thing should be suppressed
by the police.-ALbany Journal.
THE Chinese have a weather bureau.
When an old Mandarin sauints up at
the sky and guesses it's going to rain,
every common man must drive in his
chickens or be charged with sedition.
THE foundation of every house should
be truth, the timbers virtue, the clap
boards faith and the roof charity, while
the sewers should be 80 constructed that
the devil cannot crawl in the back way.
- Whitehall Times.
DID you ever notice how carefully
teamster protects his hands from contact
with anything of a concentrating
nature? When he wishes to place bar
rel of oil or molasses upon his team the
first thing he does is to put on bis skids.
A LITTLE girl of four years was re-
Gently called as a witness in police
court, and in answer to the question
what became of little girls who told lies,
innocently replied that they were sent
to bed.
POSTMASTER GENERAL KEY is about
to issue an order prohibiting the placing
of stamps upside down on letters. Sew
eral postmasters have recently been
seriously injured while trying to stand
on their heads to cancel stamps placed
in this manner.
A GREAT deal of attention is now
being paid to educating cooks. We are
glad Of it. Nine-tenths of the cooks in
the country need sending to seminary,
or to Jail, we don't care which; any
where TO get them out of their kitchens.
-New Haven Register.
DURING an election in . certain local
ity, q temperance candidate called upon
q rumseller and solicited his vote. al
would rather vote for the Evil One him.
self than for you," was the savage re.
spouse. ayes, I know" said the candi-
date, "but in case your friend isn't
nominated, may l count upon your as
sistance3"
You've MAN, we don't want to dis
courage you, but it is estimated that
more than SO per cent. of all the poetry
written on the changing seasons is never
published. If you would save all the
paper you write poetry on, and sell it to
the old rag man at two cents at pound,
you would soon have enough to buy an
ulster with.
A sCHooLBoY got up to read compo-
sition on "The Tree" lie had got as
far as This subject has many branches"
when the teacher said "Stopl you have
not made your bough yet" If you in
terrupt me again." said the boy, "Pll
leave" "You give me any more impu-
dence and I'll take the sap out of you.
Do you understand" 81 twig," said
the boy, aud then the regular order of
business proceeded. Dee Moines Register.
A BRAGGIEG nobleman once said at
the table that he had shot q buck
through the hind hoof and the ear with
one bullet, and called on his ready-witted
serving man for confederation. The
servant, scratching his head, replied
that the buck was scratching his ear at
the critical moment, and added in an
undertone TO his master: For mercy's
sake, my lord, next time don't make it
30 hard to make both ends meet"
Now those funny people who write
the health items for the papers have
discovered that onions will cure rheu-
matism. We don't wonder at it. The
case of rheumatism that wouldn't get
up in its night shirt and rush out into
the trackless prairie and hide its head
at the smell OF onions deserves to wear
q liver pad filled with four pounds of
broken glass from now till a week from
next summer.-Neso York World.
The devil stood at his backyard fence,
whence all but him had fed. The
flames that lit his fathers barn shone
Just above the shed. One bunch of
crackers in lis hand, two others in his
hat; with piteous accents, loud he cried,
al never thought Of thst!" A bunch
of crackers to the tail of q small dog
he'd tied. The dog, in anguish, sought
the barn, and mid its ruins died. The
sparks few wide ond red and hot; they
lit upon the brat; they fred the crackers
in his hand and exc those In his hat
Then came q burst of rsttling sound
the devil where was he gone? Ask of
the winds that far around strewed bits of
meat and bone, and scraps of clothes and
balls and tops and nails and ends of
yarn, the relics of the printers devil
that burned his fathers barn.