West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-06-07
HUMOROUS.

WE WoULDN'T PAY "WAN CfNr -
Mr.. Murphy, the officer says YOU
were intoxicated last night. What have
you 10 say2"
Does he, faith ?" queried Murphy
in return, as he seized the bar of the
police court and heard the charge of
His Honor.
You were unable to take care of
YOURSELF"
Well, now, av that don't bate all -
is there any reason why you should
nor be punished 2"
R'ason! It's the most onr 'asonable
thing ever done To mortal man to take
me 70 the station house."
You were drunk"
is IL me drunk? No, sor, half
drunk. Sure, av man can't walk
along wud frind, an ould frind at
that, wudout gOin' TO the lookup
l dunno phat i dO-at all, at all"
He couldn't walk, Yer Honor"
said the officer.
"I'm as good walker as he Is or any
other man; and sure there's me daugh-
ter, Berjulia. phat's goin' to be a
manly maker, sure"
" You are fined $40, Mr.. Murphy"
lie walked into the corridor on his
way w llG tIloOI, Wllil "a IFOWl OIL
his face and anger in his eve.
{" DO you want to send for "A friend ?''
asked Messenger MacEnvoy, kindly.
g A frind For phat? ?"
" TO pay your fine"
Niyer, niver. No, sor, not av ]
was to shtay here till doom's day, ri
niver pay wan clint. That's phat's the
matther wud me, dye mind that now"
WOMEN NEVER THINK III the grabbed
old bachelor who uttered this sentiment
could but witness the intense thought,
deep study and thorough investigation
of women in determining the best medi-
cines TO keep their families well; and
would note their sagacity and wisdom
i'm selecting Hop Bitters as the best and
demonstrating 1t by Keeping their fami-
lies in perpetual health, at mere
Aominal expense, he would be forced To
acknowledge that such sentiments are
baseless and false.
"A PEW days since party of gentle
men were together. One man a Joker
stepped up to member of the party
and, holding a long hair before his
eyes, said % See here, old fellow, this
looks suspicious. Where did this long
hair come from ?" "Why, that's from
my wife's head ." care you sure of
itr' "Sure of it? of course | am.
You don't suppose you would find any
other woman's hair about me, do you
mo, probably not; but am sorry to
see you are so sure it is your wife,
hair, for just picked it off the coat of
tais gentleman" pointing to friend
near by.
n DUrCHMAN once met an freshman
on lonely highway. As they met
each smiled, thinking he knew the
other. Pat, on seeing his mistake, re-
marked, with a look of disappointment,
Faith, and thought it was you, and
you thoughtit was me, and it's ndythur
OF us" - Gaw, dat is dru. am an
oder man, and you ism OF Yourself, and
we are both some other bodies"
~ DON'T WANT THAT STUFF" ~ what
lady of Boston said To her husband
when he brought home some medicine
TO cure her OF sick headache and neu-
ralgia which had made her miserable
Tor fourteen years. At the drst attack
thereafter, IL was administered to her
with such good results, that she con
tinued its use until cured, and made so
enthusiastic In its praise, that she in
duced twenty-five of the best families
in her circle To adopt it as their regular
family medicine. That stuff is Hop
BitteTs.
HERE" said the farmer, as he ex-
hibited broken jar to the manufac-
turer, packed this jar full Of butter,
ana the jar split from top TO bottom.
Perhaps you can explain the phenome-
ma. oh, yes, can, ;" was the ready
reply, the butter was stronger than
the jar"
a RAW German who had been sum
moned for jury duty desired to be re-
lieved, giving this reason: Schudge
can Mich goOt lnglish Onderstan'."
Looking over the crowded bar the
Judge replied; "Oh, you can serve.
You won't have to- understand good
English; you won't hear any such
here"
a GENTLEMAN addresses another
gentleman, whom he doesn't know, at
a party This affair Is awfully
stupid. Let's go out and take a drink. !"
i would like TO do it," was the reply,
but j can't leave very we'll" "Why
! notY' Why, you see | am the one
that is giving the party"
The rich young lady VINO recently
married horse car driver had taken to
heart Sir Joseph Porter's pronuncia-
mento, that love is front platform on
which all ranks meet"
TEACHER - Have you not learned
| your geography lesson? Smart French
| Boy=IlOw could /, M 'sieu, without
| hearing from Berlin.
LADIES will be interestedin knowing
| that fur-Hned clOaks have been worn
In Poland by peddlers for the last hun
dred years.
" Pooh man, indeed 2" she remarked
Of one who had lost the faculty Of
| smell (; " he hasn't scent i'm the world. -
" WEIGHT for the wagon" observed
| the farmer, as he helped his 300 pound
wife to seat In theiwagon.
As oNE pound Of Dobbins' Electric