River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-10-30

A frog was the first greenback inha-
ZIONIST. He burst.
A ego as you please" racc-the pres
ent race of women.
A hair on the head is worth more
than dozen in the hash.
No matter how much a candidate
itches for Office, he never likes to be
scratched.
Mar. wants bat little here below, and
he can get that the quickest by adver-
Using.
Little Johnny says: "Talk about your
patent base burning stoves; my mas
old slipper is hot enough base burner
for me.
Why is it that the evanescent shadow
often seen upon young mans upper
lip, and by courtesy known as hair, is
always doun.
The man with NJ teeth is always look.
ing for soft thing.-N. Y. Commercial
Advertiser. Here, you can't gum 1t over
us in that way.
II tell you," says rabid free think
err, "the idea that there is God has
never come into my head" "Ah! pre-
cisely like my dog. But there is this
difference-he doesn't 60 round bowling
about it."
Senator Bruce's recent baby is called
Roscoe Conkling Bruce, and they tell
the infant that Governor Sprague will
catch him if he isn't good little boy.
The most remarkable of recent opin-
ions concerning divorce (by a woman,
of courSe) divorce is all very well In
its way, hnt [ prefer widowhocd; Its
surer"
A Uuca baI Der aun, unces himself as
I" to, suriAi aItis physingnomical hair
dresser, facial operator, cranium man
ipulator aud capillary abridger.'
A mud turtle can neither fly, sing,
gallop, laugh, cry, or go blackberrying,
yet if they are let alone they get along
Just as we'll as the young man who tries
to be funny at lawn party.
This is the season of the year when
the wise man goeth up chestnut tree
to shake it, and cometh down in time
to hear the grateful grunt of the in
dustrious pig that walketh of crunching
the fallen bounty.
The man who SHORES and knows that
| he snores, and yet who won't put q
clothes pin on his nose on going TO bed,
has the blood of an army contractor IN
his veins.
An auctioneer was endeavoring to
sell a fowling piece, and failing to get a
bid bystander who had read the
papers said" Blow in the muzzle and
it win so off"
Ebepzer Stone and his wife, Flora,
out in Western Illinois, were divorced
not long ago, but afterward they came
to an understanding, were remarked,
and are now happy together, as far as
We know. 1t was case of Eb and Flo,
it would seem; at any rate, they are
tied now.
An abundance of guests and limited
| lodging rooms caused Jimmie TO be
slept OUT at neighbours. On arising
liz the morning he was invited to re-
main at break fast. swell, guess not,
he replied: I'VE have mighty good break
| fast at our house when we have CON-
pany."--Nev Hausa Register.
/ When the notes OF the triangle gave
warning of the hour for closing. Brother
Gardner said. "My frens, de man in dis
| guise am de chap who doan' take COM
| fort. Be what you am, an nobody else.
Doan' pucker yer moufs to make EN-
small, nor pinch your feet to lessen the
bulge. Tryin' to pull on No. ! kid
glove ober No. 10 hand am on par
| wild spendin' all yer money fur bacon
an den jawin' de ole woman Gauss ye
heyen't got 'taters. OATS all iist now
an we will GIT under our hats an i'm
peach de meetin' for week. "-Detroi
I Free Press.
While ''doing" the Yosemite, Genera
Grant told the following story: An or
der, he said, had once been issued dur
ing the rebellion to kill all the blood
hounds in the south, because they were
used to pursue union prisoners. A sol
der in carrying out the order, found .
poodle, and was about to make hin 3
victim of the edict. when lady, hls
| owner, demonstrated. said the soldier
ave are ordered to kill all blood
hounds" sBut he is not bloodhound,
| pleaded the lady. That may be-" re