Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-10-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

Lost atsea- tho sight of land.
Lots Of Englishmcn are out on Parole.
Wild geese are holding Southern ex
| odus. -
Women dress to kill; butchers kill to
dress. .,=
A motto for policemen: LIE us club to-
gether. T.
How to prevent shad-bones from lodg-
ing in your throat fried liver.
IA" must be the sweetest letter in the
alphabet, because the B is always after
it. -.
A debating association in Michigan is
known as the Kalamazoo Logical socie-
ty.
An exchange has poem in which SOL
ONION is made to rhyme with backgam-
mon. T. hi =,
A correspondent wishes to know wheth-
Ell circulating library ought to be kept
in stationery store.
! IL there were more marriages and less
sparkling in this country, the consumption
OF kerosene would probably increase.
Mrs. Darlington says has she hunted and
|
Ruth crushed to earth shall rise again."
Ia is now intimated that the reason
that Samson carried off the gates of GAIA
was because they would not give him the
gate money.
The jury that held an inquest over the
body of man frozen to death brought
in verdict tsthat the thermometer was
guilty of murder in the tenth degree-bc-
low Zero"
The Zulu evening toilet consists of a
fan and ring in the nose.-[Ex.] What
extravaganza! They should be satisfied
with the fan In the nose, and give the
ring to the poor.
Bumptious old gent lin directorial
tone) ."Ah! conductor, what are wo,-
ah!-waiting for?" Conductor with un-
concern): "Waiting for the train to go
on, SIR Old gent retires.
Eminent counsel: eyes, gentlemen of
the jury, you will, know you will restore
my prosecuted client to the arms of his
wife and little ones, Who" The Court
"Your client is bachelor"
Married coachmen are in active demand
by wealthy gentlemen who are fathers OF
manageable daughters. "Coachees'
having half: dozen children have the
first pick of choice situations Boston
Courier.
It is our good nature and not fine fur
niture that makes home attrar tive New
York News. But when all the bed-slats
fall out Of place, and wakcn you up with
crash about midnight, what becomes Of
your good nature?
In Siam the penalty for lying is t.
have the mouth sewed up. If this Gus
tom prevailed in this country our sewing
girls would have 80 much to do that they
would soon be as prosperous as if they
we're plumbers Albany Journal.
Yesterday, when an organ-grinder ap.
pearcd on the streets wearing colo
watch-chain, twelve mechanics quit work
and resolved to become musicians. IT.
just such little things as this that demon
alize labor Philadelphia Chronicle.
An 1rishman went to the theatre fo
the first time. Just as the curtain de.
scended on the first act boiler in the
basement exploded, and he was blown
through the roof, coming down in tn,
next street. After coming to his senses
he asked. An what piece do ycz pla,
mkt"
"Melaucholy sight, Mr.. Spiber,' sale
prohibitory friend as an individual
heavily loaded with beer lurched against
them. Yes" said the inter1ogated, che
is morn FULL" and the cold-water mar
muttered something that sounded like
"d--n fool" after they had parted.
The following answer was given to a,
examiner at an examination: "What d,
you know Of the patriarchial Adam9 2
"He was the father of Lot, and had twt
wives, Hlsmale and t'other Hayger; on,
became pillow of salt in the day TIM,
and the other pillow of ire at night
A ragged-looking pedestrian came t.
the back door of the Dunshudder mansio,
yesterday afternoon and the hired cir
shouted: "We'vc nothin' for tramps.
"Fair lady, pause" said the visitor, 'tI'n
not tramp nor beggar:''~ ''What are ye
then9" MADAM, Pm solicitor general.
The first walking match on recort
must have been when Satan went up ant
down the earth. Don't see it,, Wh7, YES
peripatetic Luciter- walking match chi
LIST Albans Advertiser. The villain VIII,
perpetrated that wouldn't be goin,
around Lucifer proper spirit prevailed ii
the community where he lives.
An Englishman was Boosting to {
Yankee that they had a book IN til,
British museum which was once owned
by Cicero. 'sOh that amt nothin," re
torted the Yankee, Tin the museum il
Boston they've got Adams family bibi
with the record of marriages, births, ant
deaths complete. T. 81 Il
A lady belonging to the washins
interest was arrested with another TO
stealing under garments, being asked wha
crime she was charged with, replied that
she didn't know, but believed 1T was
something about parsnips criminis. al
though she never stole q parsnip in the
whole course of her life i-sE
Lady: ''You have not been out to ser
vics yet; therefore you have no charac-
terri Applicant "N", mum; but I've
three school board certifcuts." "Lady
E"Ah. well, that's something. Are the,
for honesty, cleanliness, or" Applicant
rs No, please mum, for litteratoor, jograt
fy and Free and drorin. - .
"seth,r said Mrs. spicer,, "plants arr
very fashionable for hall ornaments now
and I wish you would get, me one TO
our, and when spicer replied that b,
would have.a hat tree hauled home TO
i her, she further remarked that she wlshet
he would keep his stupid jokes for hi
club dinners, and not bring them hom
, to contaminate the minds Of the children
But then wives are rarely grateful. -a' :
!, Correspondent-"Will the editor pleas
inform me where my family can 90 o.
Sundays and be cool aud comfortable
without danger of being crowded.
, Answer by Rochester Democrat: Go t
church!