, 1879-06-07
DiverSifieS.

When man is about to be hanged, he
probably doesn't feel like singing, "Blest
be the tie that binds
A mule will behave himself eleven years
and six months just to get one off-hand
shot at middle shirt-stud.
Why is an Ohio man an unnatural be-
ing Because Nature abhors a vacuum,
and an Ohio man adores vacancy.
Freedom at the polls down with
the Bayonet Elections Let these be
the watchwords of the democracy.
The man who tried to chew his ear off
was given two G)esrs by the judge for
nothing, in order to satisfy his appetite.
The Foundation for the meanest man is
laid when a small boy turns the worm
hole in an apple for his companion to bite
from.
The proprietor of bone factory an
nounces that persons leaving their bones
with him can have them ground at short
notice.
If Talmage ever did get to heaven he
would want the Lord to lend him po-
liceman so that he could visit the other
locality.
And now the Rome Sentinel actually
calls delirium tremens tight tit.
Next we shall speak of lecturer as ad-
dressmaAer
We pity Satan. Keeping Ben Butler
and the Widow Oliver from quarreling In
the next world will nearly worry the life
out of him.
A bachelor has left boarding house in
which were a number of old maids, on ac-
count of the miserable fair set before him
at the table.
1t is strange how many letters contain
ing money are miscarried, while patent
medicine advertisement goes through as
slick as whistle.
"Always pay as you go" said an old
man to his nephew "But, uncle, sup
pose l havn't anything to pay with !"
"Then don't &c"
The man who fell from the edge of the
roof to the ground and was killed, was
served Just right He had no right to be
eavesdropping-
Little boy at the opening of the pro-
posed spelling match. Lets start fair,
grandmother, you take 'Nebuchadnezzar,
and III take cat. ,"
Before fogging was abolished in the
navy switches were made from the coam-
ings OF the hatch Hence arose the prov
erb, "Save your coamings.
If Noah's ark had offered free passage
to a thousand men, and advertised the
hour of departure, two or three of them
would have got left.
Bet agin' the lady pedestrian and then
set up millinery store along her way
that is the advice of the detestable person
of the Lockport Journal.
It is sort o consoling to know that the
fools in this country are only four per
cent Of the population This is not
counting the marrow escapes"
Harper Bazar says that disorder still
reisns in the camp of bonnats, and that
every one wears what she pleazes, cake
mold, saucepan, pie-plate or basket
When his wife gave him some honey
for supper and told him there was nothing
else in the house TO eat, he swore he
would starve before he would succumb.
"How dare you say damn before me!'
severely inquired clergyman of loafer.
"Row did | know you wanted to say
damn hrst?" retorted this bad man
If it wasn't for bringing tears of regret
to the eyes of some of the readers of this
journal, we'd like to mention that the
sauerkraut season is now at an end.
Man can do many things, but there is
one thing he cannot do-he can't button
on a new collar, just after cutting his
thumb nails, without looking up in the
air
A good book and good woman are ex
cellent things for those who know how
Justly to appreciate their value. There
are men, however, who Judge both from
the beauty of the cover.
Patrick ''And, Biddy, darlint, they ve
been tellin' me there's too many of us IN
the wurrld. Now, if you and me get the
praste to make us two wan, troth won t
there be wan the less p
He was dissipated DaytoIite, and as
he lay prone in the gutter some fend in
human form hit him with paving stone.
He rose with sigh, and remarked that
he was opposed to that sort of union of
"rye and rock.
A very pious old gentleman in eastern
Maine died recently and left large es-
tate to a missionary society. He also
left the interest of 81 900 to his only sis
ter to aid her in paying her board at the
almshouse. Noble old man.
There are off the coast of Kerry, Ire
land, little Islands called the Baskets, in
habited by very poor and primitive pop
ulaticn, whose neareS. church is on the
shore of the main land On stormy Sun
DAYS they cannot cross to ''hear mass,
but they kneel by their rocky coast bare
headed, in the open air the progress of
the ceremony is made known to them by
flags, and their prayers accompany those
of the priest
The quickest way to improve our pas
lures when short of manure is to top dress
them, or to pasture sheep for season, as
these animals will exterminate such weeds
and grasses as cows viii not cat. If the
pasture cannot be given up to sheep, pas
ture as many sheep as COWS, and 1t will be
found that the pasture will sustain as
many COWS as when pastured alone, while
the fertility of the pasture will allow an
increase of cows of at least ten per cent
annually.
WHEN student at the bar is called up
for examination he is asked the question,
''What is law ?" Whereupon he replies,
his eye in frenzy rolling: .Law, IN
ifs rnnsf general and cnmrnrphnnsiye sense.