Smyrna times., 1879-06-18
WHOLE NO. 1853.
Newspaper Waits.

Fraility, thy name is Savings Bank.-
Uncle: Sam.
Job was probably the first doctor, as he had
patients.
Lawyers motto-' Be truthful and multi
ply and replevin the earth"
man who owns a good oil well is said
to live on the fat of the land.
The wretch who stole a pineapple and
bunch Of bananas got his dessert.
"Tis better to have doomed and lost than
never to have doomed at all.-Davtd Dayis.
The vulgar word "hash' is not heard in
Boston. That article is alluded to as a
culinary symposium.
The Bradford Era thinks the only differ
ence between q small boy and a glass of
soda-water is five cents.
Charles" What did that spring suit cost
you' AlY' Alfred" Can't say, dear boy
have not been sued for it vet"
We know man over ninety years of
age who hasn't a gray hair on his head
nor one OF any other color-BoSton Post,
While the lamp holds out to burn it is
liable to explode. shall therefore give it
to the vilest sinner.-Orr Second Solomon.
| The clambakcs of Rhode Island are now
in order. When the fat men have theirs
they throw the shells over into Connect
cut.
A surgeon,maior troubled with the spleen
remarks in a melancholy tone: every
hin |
pleasure in amputating limb"
a statue has just been erected at Sydney,
New South Wales, to the memory of Cap
tain Cook. We believe he was carved
there once beiore.-BoSton Post
Quack-So you prefer my medicines to
those of DR.. Pillsbury? Mrs. Mulligan-
Och, indade, docther, dear, ye'er deal
better than the other old 'umbug.
Speak Of mans marble brow and he
will glow with conscious pride, but allude to
his wooden head and he's mad in minute
Language is slippery thing to fool with
much.
A French widow is bewailing the recent
loss of her husband. 81 have at least one
consolation" she sobs out, dryinghe tears.
his nights now"
Said Miss Dotonart at the Art Museum,
"Yes, l am so delighted, Chawles and
a beautiful burst is that oppositeI' Money
couldn't force her into saying bust. =
Boston Transcript
DIR. Holmes says Poems are rarely
printed correctly in newspapers" and .he
gives that as a reason why SO many poets
die young Who says that the press is not
an engine of good?
A Young man went into a restaurant the
other day, and, remarked that "Time is
5 money" he added that, as he had half
7 hour to spare, if the proprietor was willing,
( he'd take it out in pie.
Now is the season of the year, when the
e man who sees the sign, Fresh Paint" will
. walk up to the door, leave the marks of his
b dirty fingers on it and 60 away muttering
/ to himself, "That's So"
= Two men started out on g wager to see
y which could tell the biggest lie. No.
!; commenced: "a wealthy country editor
: -" whereupon No. ? stopped him right
!, there and paid the forfeit.
e "Do you see that stick, sir?" said very
n stupid acquaintance to Sydney Smith
g "This stick has been all around the world
If SIR" Indeed ~ said the remorseless sgd
6 ney. "And yet it is nothing but stick
n "What," asked Professor Miles of smar
n boy in the history class" what did the
n Pilgrim Fathers first do after landing a
D. Plymouth Rock ?" Licked hackman,
is replied the smart bad boy, who went to Nj
ar o0ra with his Darants last vaoatiOD
~ A San Francisco clothing dealer is saiC
to have, in good faith, offered Lawrenc,
Barrett 800 night when playing HamLe
a. in that city, if he would after uttering tn
N words " customary suits of solemn black,
10 add "the kind they sell at - for $24."
re An Irish waiter at Christmas gatherin
of complimented a turkey in the followin
IN manner Faith, it's not six hours sine
n that turkey was walking around his rea
N estate with his hands in his pockets, neve
n dhraming what purity invitashun he'd hav
IN to jine yees gntlemen at dinner"
A man coming out of a Texas newspape
Office with one eye gouged out, his nos
=. spread all over his face and one of his ear
~ chewed off replied to a policeman who il
y terviewed him: al didn't like an articl
We that 'peared in the paper last week, an
p went in ter see the man who writ it, an h
-, war therev'
lr- A new novel is called "a A Lady's Fou
OF Wishes" An old bachelor says he hasn
as read the book. but he knows what he
m, wishes are. "First, a new bonnet; seconC
III anew bonnet; third. new bonnet; fourtl
I'M new bonnet..' From this, one migl
suppose that the old bachelor was Marie
man.-NOrriStO,0n Herald.
on on Maud with much sympathy in her voice
ny -" Only fancy, mamma, Uncle Jack too
ng US to picture gallery in Bond street, an
al an there was picture of a lot of early Chri
~. III tians, poor dears, who'd been thrown to
ur ur- lot of lions and tigers, who were devourir
70 themW Ethel with more sympathy
4" Yes, and mamma dear, there was ol
poor tiger that hadn't got Christian"
Al 4ha racant demonstration in Ron