The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1879-05-29
FACTS AND FANCIES,


the increase.
Instead of calling your silver-haired
friend an old dog, why not hail him as
greyhound I?
The difference between woman and
butcher is that one dresses to kill and
the other kills to dress.
An autograph letter of Henry Clay
has been published in which he returns
thanks for pair of knit socks.
Some wine bottled A. d. 10 will be
opened on the coming 1S00th anniver-
sary of the destruction of Pompeii.
want to be coachman,
| And with the coachmen stand,
And win the boss daughter,
And drive my four-in-hand
Count Johannes, the erratic lawyer
actor, recovered verdict of six cents in
a libel suit against the Jersey City
Journal.
A young man who has recently taken
wife says he did not find it half so
hard to get married as he did to get
furniture.
A singular scene is reported from
Sumter county, Ga, where man was
discovered drawing a plow which his
wife handled.
Old Gentleman Waiter, how's this ?
These potatoes are quite hard Waiter
with presence of mind: Hard times,
you know, sir.
A lonely Philadelphia widower, who
buried his wife six weeks ago, refused
chew Of light tobacco because he is still
in full mourning.
The consumption of opium is on the
increase in the United States, and ply.
sicians claim its evil effects are becom-
ing very apparent.
Gov. Robinson, of New York, is pro-
badly the Oldest man in the conntry oc-
cupying the gubernatorial chair, being
eighty.one years of age.
1t is estimated that the value of the
straw hats and tonnets manufactured in
New England every year is from SIS,
900. 900 to $40, 600, 900.
Thompson says you may talk of your
water cures, your movement cures, and
your blue-glass cures, but there is moth
ing like the sinecure, after all.
An elephant died recently in Calcutta
which is said to have been ridden by
Warren Hastings when Governor Gen
eral OF India, hundred years ago.
No matter how many Of our ladened
ships may come safely into port, that
one which was lost at sea will always
seem to us to have carried the richest
cargo.
Senator Conkling disapproved of the
choice of his daughter Bessie, and would
not appear at the wedding. Ex.Gov.
Horatio Seymour, the brides uncle, gave
her away.
There's no use in heaving old boots
and shoes over the line fence into your
1t has often been tried and always prov
ed failure.
The nights are at hand when the young
man can stroll out with his fair Melinda
and tell her more lies in a given time
than any machine Edison could get up
for that purpose.
The picnic time approaches when
man relapses into barbarism and goes
forth into the forest to devour his food
with mixture of red ants, decayed
wood and gravel.
"The moon is always just the same"
he said, languidly, sand yet 1 always
find some new beauty in it." sits Just
so with the circus" she answered. He
took the hint, and bought tickets for two.
The average city man who makes an
onion bed all himself in his backyard
displays more vanity in sitting on the
rear steps and overlooking his handi-
work than does his fashionable wife in
her parades before the mirror.
I'VE repeat with great earnestness,'
says the New York Observer, shat we
do not return manuscripts which are
not accepted. The best way for a wri-
ter who wishes to keep his copy is not
to send it. Then he is sure of it.
Oh maiden sweet, with pretty feet,
Tripping the fair fields over,
For what do you look by the babbling brook
And amidst the dewy clover?
Mister, said she, you don't know beans;
I'm gathering yellow dock for green's
A short time ago Danbury man had
forty dollars stolen from him. The thief
was subsequently struck with remorse,
and sent back twenty dollars, with a
note to the effect that as soon as he re-
ceived more remorse he would send back
, the rest.
1 will you try some of my sponge cake,
! Mrs. Tattletongue9' said she; st isn't
3 very good, to be sure. never had such
r poor luck in my life as did in making
it. why, NAL cried Johnny, in amaze
ment; you said yesterday that was the
0 best sponge cake you ever made' Tab