The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-04-03
PASSING SMILES.

10 mako your cOtiaI laet-MdhO yo0x
shirt first.
woMAH's sphere-That she will never
get married.
TEE mischievous schoolboy who places
bent pin on the teachers seat 10 har-
binger of spring, as it were.-Batt,ssors
Herald.
SPRING is the time when young men
think of going to see-their girls. IT II
the marry-time season.-Nef0 York Gem
nseroiol advertiser.
IT has been proved that after kind.
Ing his FIRE a miser stuck a cork in the
nozzle of the bellows TO save the little
wind that was left In it.
"WHAr is the interior Of Africa
principally used fort" asked teacher
of pupil: "For purposes of explera-
tion," was the reply.
A SCHOONER was wrecked the other
day on Toddy Rocks. A great many
men have been wrecked there. Give
Toddy Rocks a wide berth.-Neso York
Sun. -z,..-z-.7-
IT makes body feel pensive, upon
turning a FELLOWSHIP inside cut to get at
the clean side, to find that the landlady
duty.-,St Louis Times u u,nal.
Christian virtue; but there are times
in the history of communities, as we'll as
of individuals, when silence Is sin and
submission crime.
TIE robins and blue birds are here,
and If you want to know row NADIA
gascar infant feels when he has III
with the collie, just listen to ore of these
spring birds songs.-Detro't Free P'ess.
A BUFFALO man dreamed that he
was going over the fails, and had his
wife by the throat when he woke up.
Next night she had dream, and broke
his nose as she struck at an Indian.
WHEN a generous man is compelled
to give a refusal, he generally gives ii
with worse grace than the ungeneTous;
6rst, becsuse it is against his nature,
and, secondly, because he is out OF prao-
tice. @ ie
"WHAT do you know of the character
of this man ?'' was asked of witness at
a police court the other day. What
do I know of his character I know it
to be unbleachable, your Honor" she
replied, with much emphasis.
IF Adam had been created boy IN.
stead of full-grown man, he would
have clubbed all the apples off from
that tree, before the serpent had
chance to get through the fence around
the Stilt,cater Lunbermdn.
DIR. EcHL1EMANN has exhumed steel
dagger in the royal palace of Troy; but
until he finds a pair of brass kDuckIes
and a slung-shot we shall continue to
en- ,ertain very poor opinion OF the
civilization of the Trojans.-No1r'sto'o"
Herald. ---ze,....-z
The Salt Lake Weekly Tribune says
that when mail bag arrives at u way
station in Utah the postmaster and his
family empty the contents on tie moor,
read all the postal cards, criticise the
hand writing ON the envelopes, and then
allow the reflled bag to go on.
A BRITISH professor estimates that
bees. to collect a pound of honey from
red clover heads, would have TO make
2,5OO,OD0 visits; almost as many as
| book agent has to make to newspaper
reporter to collect the installm nts on
| subscription.-Jersey City Journal. III
WHEN the publisher of Bentley's
| Miscellany said to Jerrold, 81 bad some
! doubts about the name I shoul6 give the
| magazine: l thought at one time of call
ing it The Wits' Miscellany, the
other reioined, "Well, but you needn't
have gone to the other ex remity."
THE DEATH BED OF MRS. o'FIAHEBTy.
q" Hear me last wurrudsI Fai1. there's o'sbaueh-
rba. wa 1. r.uids's thaie loves me ninepenes hap
And there's rhil coyne, with his ds'eivirs
| ma 40 o 49,, z
| By thst .arAe token ow. m two and TX.
RE crsyihuri May the il how him fastW
| s'The ou:d WON an Ii sinsi.l 10 the last!"
"Give me q dhropi Arr III, where vas tain3A-
And o ,e Micxy snail wan p"u, d In.
| Ard Phelim Mccarthy tva pounds and 0.e
| Three q undst J mmy on, az Mrs Flynn
Wan Z Ta' sivin 'hiiin'' to place happs"ns'
I'll, two pince and three farthns bv yonr iaves,,"
'' 'HewIy 81. PAthricki Hear new hoS she avs"
! I'D sid 8 Fosfs, t. SerEnr =.
! An Irishman discharged an overloaded
| gun at rabbit. Having been Knocked
senseless, as he recovered and rose from
the ground and saw the nimble rabbit
making of over the hill, exclaimed,
{. Faith an if ye'd bin at my end of the
4 gun, you wouldn't be scampering about
in hat way, sure.
THE best way, says wise man, to
keep out wicked thoughts, is always to be
employed in good ones. Well, that is
rather practical, but when big snow
ball, from the hands IF a small boy,
takes one smack on the nose, for about
five minutes it seems that the factory OF
goodness had suspended, and the bosses
were all off on drunk.
!. WE are now open to proposals to any
one who wishes to work our garden on
e., ,.oh ho old hnnf5
straw hat, spade, hoe, earth, and heaven
will throw in the dew and sunshine: az
that is required of the party of the third
part is the manual, the muscular, the
bone and sinew, the early rising, the
Pay Herald. la
WHAT we call lumber" the English
call " trash" We say I" boards" they
: say "deals." We take baggage" ON a
journey, they take luggage" I" Our
: ladies speak of /" dry goods and the
t English ladies of "haberdashery." The
Yankee says ego ahead, and the
: British say all right" We speak OF
, riding in the cars" they of riding by
!. "rail." We send letters by email" "
t they by the "post. "
!, BACHELOR JONES" The State would
! be better off if every Chinaman was
;. kicked out of it tomorrow. HE
: married friend" Where would you gel
v your washing done then? p Bachelor
e Jones" Marry some nice girl and have
. it done at home" Chorus by six eligi'
= bile young ladies who happened to over
4 hear Jones and his friend talking
e "The Chinese must go!"-Nevada Gig
). Transcript. '-"
; DISCUSSING an Absent Friend-"Yes
|. Robinsou's a clever feller, and he's 8
!, modest feller, and he's a honest feller;
], but, betwixt you and l and the post
. Mr.. Jones, I" said Brown, con6dentially
l. " Robinson amt got neither the looks