The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1879-12-24
WEDNESDAY. DEC. "a, 1879.
The Freedom of the Family.
BY PRESIDENT JOHN BAsooM, IL. D.


In the evil and disorder prevalent in the world
the divine government yields great deal /; aud
seems 10 yield il 10 behalf Of good order that
shall be voluntary--in behalf, therefore, Of free
dom. Freedom as making for virtue. and virtue
as making for freedom, seem to be the control
ing idea of the moral universe, and to be pursued
at great cost. Individual life and social life have
The same goal. large powers freely and wisely.
wisely and freely used.
These are the ioresbadowings of this freedom
far down among the living things. Each shrub
and tree has its bias, and must have some liberty
in fulfilling it, if there is TO be any vigor or any
beauty. The plant is resistful to PRESSURE aud
persistent in its own tendencies. Even the vine,
dependent us II Is, must adopt its supports.
When fresh constraint has been put upon 1t. il
hangs for time disheveed from the trellis, dis
tressed and resentful.
There are in men and women, there are 10
children original tendencies iDgrained 10 their
personality, which We can never escape. The
family which is to combine them tremendously
aud pleasurably must have freedom, air for in
dividual breathing. spaces for individual growth
impulses and opportunities for purely personal
consumption. An imperious will that goes push.
ing forth in all directions before the absorbing
purposes of a full-grown man cannot do otherwise
than break in on the growth of the family and
deal rulhlessly with its unfolding life. Such
will is like the shadow and absorbent powers OF
great tree that dwarfs all things under it,
Nothing can escape qualification without es-
Gaping beyond iIs circle of influence. When the
masculine life of the household is of this indie
pendent, exaciIng character there remains but
one hope, and that the dangerous hope Of dis
traction and diversion; the hope that this one
life OF activity may be lifted so high up and SO
far away from the underground of the home as
TO leave il little light and freedom.
When strong money making purpose or any
other purpose in the parent, sends suckers into
every part of the life Of the household it devotes
that life at once to sterility. 1t is or pity
TO see a single overseeing life, even though 10
the main welI-directed one, iesd on its own
offspring, and struggle spiritually eeaiust that
very wealth OF existence TO which all things
about it are ready to minister.
But there is another execiion as much to be
regretted as that OF imperous will. 1t is that OF
indefstigable affection. OF all tyranrs love is
liable to be the most tyral meal, and to commit
Its tyrannies in the sacred name of duty Love
is the vine that stranges the tree by putting its
constraining coils around every branch of it, and
overstepplng It's buds in every direction by its
own. A mothery love that prizes its way through
and through the life of the child that has criti-
Sioih tuiIB COulSel IOr dll occasions
that anticipates all difficulties like an omniscent
providence yet as Providence never does) that
tugs away at Time always by the forelock; that
encIrcles the activity Of the child as the water
the boat which 1t keeps dancing all the day to
It's own moods-such love may be the :erv
honey OF our being spoiled by fermentation. We
forget that love Is sometimes SELFISH that it
partakes strongly OF the general moral tone, and
Is often the eager cambering of our own wishes
over the wishes Of another
This tyranny OF love is the more uncomfortable
because it is so difficult of rejection, and when
struggled against brings so many wounded feel
lngs and such sense of injury and guilt. A
family smothered by love ia child overaid by
It's mother. Unreasonable anxieties, excessive
watchfulDess, minute provision, constant supges-
ton IN matters OF pleasure and TASTE BY one
forgetful that pie sure and taste are always more
or less FESTIVE and eccentric, bring irritation and
alienation. in spite Of the love from which they
spring The best of garments that fits little too
tightly chaies and worries US beyond endurance,
and we lay it off with satisfaction
This trespass On the freedom of the household
should be carefully avoided by us, because it
we1ke:s the force of those few moral restraints
which must be decisive and the very framework
oil order and strength. Multiplied restraints hide
the true limits OF authority aud make 1t distaste
iul throughout. Tyranny always shows itself 10
little things. Important interests by their very |
Importance sustain counsel and justify command
little things by their very ttleness turn counsel
into annoyance and command into dictaton
The very value we attach to good government |
and wise guidance should make US fearful of |
eating out the good will that must underlie them |
by multiplicity OF petty interierences
Inc same caution ought also to fall naturally |
to US from real respect for The native tenden-
ces even oil children, from dietrust of the uni
yersal value OF our own methods, and from fear
ana anxiety 10 approaching and correcting real
ingrained fault of character. The ready sugges-
ton discioses decisive tyranny in our own
minds oil our own ideas, and a very unfortunate
inability to understand a like tyranny 10 other
minds OF other tendencies. 1t Tins seems very
easy and Just to US that Others should yield to
our ways, and very surprising that they should
resent Inc Intrusion with the shock of an irrita-
ted torpedo. We fail to see the very simple fact
mat II should from the nature of the case. be
easier to withhold counsel in another's affairs
than for that person to waive his own feelings
and follow it. The entire process of forming
character, of gradually shaping well-ordered and
independent opinions, OF giving them body 10
action, and OF moiding action into manners. is
one OF such decacy and personal private life
that all that 10 OF the nature of interference must
be held aloof from it. The opinion and example
Of the parent have preeminent significance and
power IN this process, and for that reason all the
more ought the life OF q child TO be allowed to
early the act of separation, to take in
lie own nourishmeDt and commence its own
functions. profound respect for the person
allty OF each one giving Us lmdty and pause 10
Dur dealings with it. inclining US to calculate
carefully the range of the forces we have to han-
lie and the good that is in them, is our first
against that clumsy haste with which
We strive to set all things right in mechanical
way by our own power. and substitute ourselves
Tor the rest Of Gods world
Ii the parent can minister to the child on
Terms of freedom, there are no limits to his min
stration if be ministers only on terms of au-
hority or intrusion, there comes violent and
atal division, by which the one life, in mere
breaks from the other and be-
comes antagonlstic to it. No one can afford To
retain friend on terms of real constraint
The JOY and beauty of the household, its per-
nanent and pervasige organic life, must depend
IN this condition of freedom, by which every
member is allowed, and increasingly allowed. the
acred rights of personality and their exercise
Without chahng or disturbance
1t is q matter of some interest that child
honld not mistake 10 secondary things but
natter of not one-tenth the interest that it is
hat be should learn himself to correct his mis-
axes and to shape bis life freely and indenan- |