The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-01-25
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Nav, Haven woman has pctitioncd for d.
,,oroo from, her husband because he has no s'y'o
ahopt him. II is to be hoped for his sake ''"'
she viii get 1t. a..
The Wheeling Lcmier proposes ''hcI"s INV
bioRiyer to keep the mikmen away anu '"''
have high water all the year round
"God bless the people of the north' says ''u
Nemphis .i0utoL "Gye the solid south Ill
saws the New York Times.
Canada poets are cudgelng their brains lor
rhvmrsto Louisc, "Snecze," is too nasal, '?rcast
too plebian "free2c' too cold ana 'he"9 "o' W
he thought of for moment.-EF
What would the lady say 10 good, hearty
squeeze? ,-.
man in Illinois committed suicide by drown
IntoIy IN sour inches ofwatcr. He couldn't have
done il alone but his wife, with that seli-sacrl'
dcnr devotion and helpfuncss so characteristic
of the sex, sat on his head'-Ef.
Well, what was she to do, being outoi arsenic
Girls. as YOU value your lives, don't get up ana
get breakfast in the morning. \ young lady in
Chicago attempted it the other day, ana was
burned to death. Show this to your mamma
Col Rob Ingersoll is latest described rs pa.
ran missionary in a christian land Now What
pity it is that the people OF TINS country are nov
cannibals! Robert is SO nice and iat'-'o''" "'''
ord
BRASS is more priced in Africa than gold. \
Chicapo drummer would bring $3.50 by actual
weight.-.T Louis Post.
Old Parson Hubbard
Goes TO the cupboard
After the donation;
But the folks that came there
Had swept il all bare,
So he has hungry gone
"If CYRUS W. Field is not going to erect
monument 10 Major Andre" says the Boston
HfraM, "lct George Washington Chlds do II,
and put on some Of his beautiful poetry
The mothcr.in.law has been attacked in the
New Jersey courts, where man has had thc
courage to sue her for thirteen hundred dollar
board bill 1t was contracted during one OF the
short visits to see how Maria was getting along
No Boston policeman is allowed to discuss re-
ligion or politics at the station-houscs.-N !.
San.
His conversation must take higher range,
and grasp within its scope the essentially OF
concrete protoplasms rendered incandcscent 10y
the illimitablc obfustcapablities OF the dispro-
portionality Of impenctrable profanity, etc That's
''culchuah".
At charadc party ut st. Matthews s. c. II
mad dog rushed in and bit three young women.
-Er.
Before condcmning the dog we should like to
know more about the charadc. Very likely the
dog was entirely justidablc
Forncys newspaper, the Progress, published a
portrait of LOUIS 4. Cooley last fall and next day
that eminent magazinist died. Lately it pub
lished portrait of Caleb Cushing, and behold
the paper had hardly reached Newburyport when
Caleb turned up his toes. Now let the Progress
give us picture of Forncy!
1t is a fact not generally known, that 81 600 in
silver weighs sixty pounds. IF
just so. We didn't know it. We must drop
our pencil right here and weigh our last weeks
salary,
The famous Dr. Strousbcrg, the German spccu-
lator, who ut one time employed over one hun
bred thousand men, has finally settled with his
creditors for three cents on the dollar.-Hl.
Becmus says he would like to settle on those
terms too, only where are the three cents
poet of the Morris H,uM thus plaintvely
laments the mishap of a colorcd brother:
"O cruel frost, thus to disigure
The face OF our good looking niger"
mules head does not contain brain capable
of culture and refined rearing, but it is wonderful
to what an extent the other end of him can be
rcared-N1O YOJk Mail.
An exchange says: "Kind words are better
than gold" Wen, they may be for some pur
poses, but, when you want to choke Off bill
collector with heavy under jaw, COLDS the best.
Such men don't rur To sentiment much BrdW
port Standard.
The editor of the Iloopestown Chmich, who
was recently married, in the freshness of new
experience, treats his readers to dissertation on
Wedding Clothes, as follows;
The first wedding suit was worn by Mr.. Adam,
(whO, we believe, is dcad,) and was made of raw
hide. That was before beaver and broadcloth
were fashionable Then Eve thought she would
create sensation in fashionable circles, and came
out with liz leaf, all spangled with dew, cut
bias and gOrcd, square cOrsagc, low neck and ut.
tached to the waist Ia Pompadour, with Il satin
strip Of slippery elm bark These costumes have
been improved upon slightly the world adj
yanccd.
now THEY DID IT.
They were sitting side by side,
And he sighed and She sighed
Said he: Your hand ask, so bold rvc grown,
Ald she grOancd and he groancd
said he: You are cautious Belle"
And she beloved and he beloved
Says he you shall have your private zig"
And she gi.gled and he gggcd.
Said She: MY dearest Luke"
. And he looked and she looked
Said he: st pom my soul there's such weight"
And she waited and he waited
Said he: "Ill have thee If thou wilt"
And he wtcd and she wiltcd
-SWacy Ldt,icr
They are making most everything out of paper
uow-buckcts, sc-shoes, bricks and almost
everything else. Now why doesn't it occur to
somebody to get up good, truthful journal on
paper IHrpro Neics.
Certainly, Mr. Ners; and suppose you begin
but not too suddenly Respect your readers
nerves and 60 into the new departure gradually
RHYMES WITHOUT REASON.
5 Hunter who was Wayinrcr,
IN the desOate Plains of Sahara
To feed his Wife Moll
Shot two Gnus with one Ball
And carried the Guus unto Mary.