The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-06-13
ITEMS FOR WOMEN.

A pretty girl won a musket in the
French lottery. When they gave it to
her she asked, Don't they give soldier
with it?''
"Clara" writes that she hopes that the
electric light will never be introduced
for parlor use, "because it can't be turn
ed down"
"Don't you think that good likeness
Of me ?" says the pretty wife to her hus-
band. every good" he answered, tex
cept that there is little too much re-
pose about the mouth"
An old bachelor who particularly
hated literary women, asked an authoress
if she could throw any light on kissing.
81 could" said she, looking archly at
at him, "but its better in the dark"
Queen Victoria's trip promises to ri
val Grants. The flowers used for deco
rating her apartments at the British
embassy in Paris, on the occasion of her
two recent visits there, cost $1,000.
A Michigan girl coaxed her lover to
take her carriage riding, and the horse
ran away and killed her. Showing this
paragraph to the girls will be thousands
of dollars in the pockets of our young
men.
A newly married lady was telling an
other how nicely her husband could
write. "Oh, you shonld just see
some of his love letters" Eyes, 1 know"
was the freezing reply, "I've got bush
ell of'em in my trunk" Tableau.
Peter the Great once said: "God estab
lished wedlock for happiness, for mutu
al support, and for consolation in the vi
cissitudes of life, and, as wretched mar
riages do not sustain Gods purpose in
matrimony, 1t Is proper, in such cases,
TO grant divorce"
The Elmira Advertiser, which under
standeth hidden things, relates the fol
our public schools the other day had oc-
casion to parse the word "Angel" Com
10 the gender she stopped dismayed, and
asked her teacher If "there are any men
angels"
Lottie Fowler, Bridgeport spiritual
list, predicted several years ago that an
explosion would occur in a certain car
fridge factory, and the building was soon
shattered. Lately she said that a boiler
in brass foundry was going to burst
and the female employees have since re-
fused to work.
1t is told of young man whom a
maiden liked but father didn't, that at a
reasonable % hour the father mildly in
timated that the time for retiring had ar
rived. 81 think you are correct, my dear
sir" answered nineteenth century, mod
estly 1--WE have been waiting over an hour
for you to put yourselfin your little bed. I"
Father retired thoughtfully.
An impromptu mock-auction sale of
women was amusing and profitable at
first, in Racine (Wis.) church fair. The
young men bid literally for the attrac-
tive girls, and it was all very funny in
deed, until an ugly but influential sister
was put up. The auctioneer was CON-
PEELED to knock her down at twenty-five
cents, and she was so angry that she put
on her things and went hame.
A horse railway company in Hoboken,
New Jersey, thinks that it has found a
way to ascertain the ages of young misses
who patronize its line. A reduction is
made to school girls of fifteen, and the
company has posted up the following for
the guidance of conductors: I'm case
conductors have any doubt about the
age of a girl attending school they must
ask her in quiet way whether she is
over fifteen years of age. If she says no
make no further remarks. If the con-
ductors think they are imposed upon
they must report to the office"
. Mrs. Hannah Forward Clerk, of East
CRANKY, Conn, now ninety-four years
old, relates how, when ''lining'' psalms
in meeting was customary, an old dea-
CON arose, adjusted his spectacles, raised
his psalm book and incidentally said
"I'm almost blind" and the congrega
ton took up the words and sung them
as line, the deacon, greatly annoyed
exclaimed, 81 scarce can see" but this
also was sung in solemn measures. In
holy dignity the deacon raised both
hands and exclaimed, Your all be.
witched ~ and this too was rendered IN
10 praise; whereupon the deacon voci
ferated loudly, "The DEVILS in every one
of your Such a change in the senti
ment, as well as the metre, brought the
singers to a standstill, and after some
confusion they sang the proper psalm.