The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1879-01-02
acome to the scratch as the cat said

"Come to the Scratch" as the cat said
to the lap-dog.
Tho deaths of Ananias and Sapphira
resulted from pair-o-'Iies.
A felon generally appears on tho end
of the fingers and thumbs. Sometimes
on the end of rope.
DR.. Talmagc told last Sunday how he
fell among thieves, and frightened the
poor fellows nearly to death.
Tom says the other day he saw q
walking match, and Bill says that's moth
ing, Cor he saw q candle run.
"Masterly inactivity" was fret alluded
to by Isaiah, when he said (XAA.O
"Their strength is to sit STILL"
1t is . question worthy of careful in
vestigation, whether o person whose
voice is broken, is not all the more com
petent to sing "pieces."
$50 you would not take me to be
twenty :" SAID young lady to her part
ner, while dancing q polka, o few eve
nings since. "What Uould you take me
for 7" "For better or worse"
Give mo kisses, darlint! Let thin be
laid wId power on me lips-wid a re-
port like Heavens tunder whips, or the
explosin' av the evenin' gun-och, let
me haye thin that way, livery. wun!
A doctor told his patient that he must
give him an emctic. otis no use" said
the patient. 81 have tried it twice be-
fore, and it would not stay on my stom-
ach FIVE minutes"
A gentleman who, at breakfast the
other morning, broke an egg, and dis
turbed the repose of a sentimental-look-
ing biddy, called the waiter, and insin-
uated that he DID not like to have a
bill presented "iill he had done eating"
A pretty pair of eyes are the best
mirrors to shave by-"Yes," replied a
bachelor, On reading the above, "many
man has been shaved by them"
The man who goes to church simply
because be has nothing else to do, may
not he heather, but he is certainly an
idle worshipper.
A student in want Of money sold his
books; and wrote home, "Father re-
joice; for l now derive my support
from literature"
An Irishman. who lived in an attic,
being asked what part of the house he
occupied, answered. "If the house
were turned topsy-turvy, I'D be living
on the first fure."
"What is tho reason" said an Irish-
man to another, "that you and your
wife are always disagreeIng?' "Be.
cause" replied Pat, .tee are both of one
mind: she wants to be master, an so
do l."
DR.. Cassin having heard the famous
Thomas Fuller repeat some verses on
scolding wife, was SO delighted with
them as to request a copy. "Ihere is
no necessity for that" said Fuller, "as
you have got the original"
An honest Hiberian, in recommend
ing q COW, said she would give milk
year after year, without having calves /;
"because," SAID he, ''it runs in the
brade for she came of a COW that new
er had calf"
81 will consent to all you DESIRE"
said q young lady to her lover, con con-
dition that you will give what you have
not, what you never can have, and yet
what you can give me-" What did she
ask for? A husband.
The Baltimore and Ohio Railroad was
tho first in the United States chartered
to carry On ageneral transportation busi-
ness.
"Och, thin, but It's yerself knows
how to spake the words of God-shure
we nivcr knew what sin was till We
came among u.s." said an enthusiastic
lrishwoma to an eloquent revivalist.
A schoolboy being asked by the teach
er how he should fog him, replied: "If
you please, sir, should like to have it
on the Italian system the heavy strokes
upwards, and the down strokes light"
Tho husband of beautiful wife, up.
on returning home one day, was met by
one of his offsprings, all smiles, clap
ping his hands, and saying: "Pa, Mr..
b. has been here ; he's such nice man;
he kissed US all around, and mother
too"
European Traveler-Really, my dear
Mr.. Prechard, from that photograph you
can form no adequate conception of the |
vast proportions of st. Peters. Coun.
try Minister-yes, yes; but don't the
pope find considerable difficulty in film
such house!
"Let us pray" said reverently Cal.
ifornIa Methodist clergyman, who had
been warned that his auditors, in re
mote settlement, were profane and rough,
and as be said so he laid two rcvoivers /
on the desk which served him as a pull
pit. Never had he preached to so at.
tentive and silent congregation.
A young fellow at fashionable ball,
upon the stewards asking him, "What
are you" meaning what o'clock it was
by him, was so conscientiously alive to |
the intrusion which he had been guilty |
Of, that he stammered out, "Why, sir,
| confess am barber; but If you will
have the goodness to say no more about
i, will leave the ROOM"
A married lady who was in the habit
IF spending most of her time in the So
.iety of her neighbors, happened one
lay to DO taken i'll, aud sent her bus.
band in great haste For . physician.
The husband ran o short distance and