The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-05-29
PASSING SMILES.

AhNVAOoA pIUtcotS dgdlubG mere up
service and yet lovers will not take
heed.--NeO York Herald.
A MAN with no arm and bald head
isn't calculated, according to the Yonkers
Gazette, to find contentnent in a fy
country. --.-
A suBURBANER was recently asked
how his house had Jared during astorm.
:" Oh, badly" was the reply. "My
cistern is the only dry place in it.''
In this busy land man is always IL
able to be aroused from his slumbers;
but in Ireland they never wake per-
son until he is dead.-Boston Transcript.
The bicycle is well enough on good
country road but in the city it is as awk-
ward to manage as a pack of cards
when your pastor drops in Unexpectedly.
MADAM" said Jones to Mrs. Brown,
rubbish" aYes, sir" replied the Iady;
and doso because Iwish you to com
prehend me-" an
A, GOOD, square kick will sometimes
help man further along in this world
towards Independence and prosperity
than dozen pulls by the hand.-OI
City Derrick.
DIR. CARVER, the celebrated shot,
must look to his laurels. A Trojan the
other evening broke one hundred con-
seoutive goldfish balls in twenty con-
secutive shots. The weapon used was
base ball club. @
TEERE is species of ferocity in reject
ing indiscriminately all kinds of praises
we should be accessible to those which
are given to us by good people, who
praise in us sincerely, praiseworthy
things.
The four-year-old child is an admir-
able nucleusfor circus party. Asmany
rs fifteen persons have been known to
take an afternoon off Just to "see that
the elephant didn't step on the little
fellow. ."-Neao Haven Register.
COURTESY at home, like other virtues,
cannot be practiced too constantly, or
be too well fortified by undertaking
habit. Even when a man is alone it is
not too well to throw aside the restraints
and observances of social usage.
ELDER sister Ito little one, who appears
to take great interest in Mr.. Skibbens)-
Come, little, pet, it's time your eyes
were shut in sleep" Little pet-"I
think not. Mother told me to keep my
eyes open when you and Mr.. Skibbens
were together"
"JoHN, did you go round and ask
how old Mrs. Jones is this morning, as I
told you to do last night 2" Yes, sir"
Well, what's the result?' She said
that seeing as how you'd had the impu-
dence to send to ask how old she was,
she'd no objection to telling you that
she's seventy -four"
HAVE you heard this before "a
child asked: Mother, what is an
angelW An angel? Well, an angel
is child that flies" " But, mother,
why does papa always call my COVER
ness an angelf' Well" explained
the mother, after moments pause,
she is going to fly Immediately.
TIE minds liquid ether, filed with
ideas of different gravity; cares and
troubles, though. the heavier, are kept
uppermost by the stir and current of
waking life; but when all is hushed in
slumber the disturbing causes cease to
operate, and lightly uprise the gentle
thoughts, the brighter imaginings, con-
cealed by the troubling Of the waters.
THE Toledo Blade whispers a word to
its young friends: "Don't waste any
| time learnin' to write poetry" Be-
come left-handed batsman. You can
name your own terms, and, by standing
in with the managers of the game, make
more money in single season than the
| yearly receipts of any poet who ever
wrote an English verse.
| BEFORE marriage we know but little
| and believe too much; after marriage
we believe but little and know too
| u L. 4.
ston Freeman, has been afoat in our ex-
changes for some time, and yet there
are hosts of people who invariably asso-
with an old fool. n
A TRICKY politician, who was noted
for never doing anything without a
sinister purpose, having died, the clergy
man who preached his funeral sermon
said that it would have been a great
consolation to the friends of the de-
ceased if they could have asoertained
his motive in thus suddenly leaving
them.
A YANKEE auctioneer lately INDUCED
in the following little bit of the pathetic: !:
Gentlemen, if my father and mother
stood where you do, and didn't buy these
boots-these elegant boots-when they
are going for one dollar, I should feel it
my duty as a son to tell both of 'em
that they were false to themselves and
false to their country"
THINGS" quoted David, in a
poetical mood, are not what. they
SEEM" Of course not" commented
Sadie; +" the sewing machine seams, but
levery body knows the machine isn't the
shirt it seams" And then nobody said
anything for a long time, and David
| made some remark about people who
could MT appreciate sentiment.
AT each returning Christmas, New
Years, birthday and festal occasion a
kind but prudent father presents his
little daughter with valuable gift Of
the useful Variety dress, a hat, or 8
pair of boots. "Pa," finally said the
little one, "my birthday comes nexi
week. If you love me, and think
have been real good girl, you might
give me something that's useless"
-lf THE BUTTERFLY.
Born with the spring, to die when drsops the rose
By ay the al
Thou COY B.cchant Of all that's sweet and fair
Spurning the earth with wings of wondrous hue,
To mingle with the everlasting blue.
Loi such the butterfys enchanting fstel
| How like Desire that restless roams below;
Finds here no fsunt whence joys enduring flow,
And scars to heaven, its longings there to satei
| --Lamarffne.
Sufferers are compelled to take life
easy, whether they will or no. Two mer
thus afflicted were at work at forge
The iron was red-hot and it was placed
on the anvil, when the first one said
John, s-s-strike it hard" The othel
answered, " Jim, wh-wh-where sh-sh
. shall I hi-hitP' No m-m-matter nov
its got co-co-cold," was the reply
and the bar was put into the forg