The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-10-30
PASSING SMILES.
Soon dun" pay at sight"

WHAT $500 did in Wall street." It
staid there.-Neac York NeUs.
The woman who does fancy work,
very often don't fancy work.
A DUBLIN. newspaper says: GA num-
ber of deaths are unavoidably post
poned." ~
"OH, euphony fellow" as the girl said
to the fellow who was taking extra nice
to her.
A NEGRO who was struck by lightning
finally jumped up saying, Who fire dat
gun?"
"THAT puts new face on itp as the
boy said when his ball struck the clock
dial
A PAPER advertises for sale a pew
which commands view of nearly the
whole congregation"
THE words "by request" on a pro-
gramme, are considered as sufficient
apology for any infiction.
HONOR thy wife father and mother,
that thy days may be long upon the land
which the old folks give thee.
GIVE are living at present in the very
arms of tyranny" exclaims Western
scribe. Aha, just been married, have
you?
The boy with the gold watch wants to
know what time it is twice as often as
does the boy with the silver chronom-
eter.
In the worlds broad field of battle;
In the bivouac of life,
Be not like the dumb, driven cattle:
Be martyr-take wife.
The fact that Evarts being cognizant
of the largest words contained in Web
ster's, is proof positive that he has been
a great perferOus circus bills.
"You need little sun and air." said
a physician to a maiden patient. IF !
do" was the reply, "iH have to wait
till get husband
A PUN is like countryman's new
suit of store-clothes." 1t is better ap-
preciated by the owner than by all his
friends combined.-N. Y. Mail.
A FARMER living near Ocean Grove,
says that the instant his chickens see the
vacation minister coming, they all run
and hide under the barn.
A PRIEST asked of condemned crimi-
nal in a Paris Jail: "What kind of a
conscience have your "It is as good
as new," replied the prisoner, "for 1
have never used it."
AN Irish newspaper says: In the alb
sence of both editors, the publishers
have succeeded in securing the services
of a gentleman to edit the paper this
week"
Two boys had few hot words and a
sudden fight on High street, yesterday,
and one ran away, leaving the other with
a bloody nose and mouth full of
"bawl."
GUEST" Don't you know any better
than to walk into my room without rap
ping? You see 1 am all undressedT
Servant" Oil you needn't excuse your
self, mum; don't mind
A WOMAN went to Brooklyn dentist
with an aching tooth to be drawn. He
told her that it was badly liberated.
Yes, DOCTOR" said she 81 have ulsters
on all my teeth"
You can kill two or three men in
Texas, and nothing is thought of it, but
if you swear in the presence of young
lady, they will fine you forty dollars.
They are determined to discourage i'm
piety.
No EYES" What is the matter with
your eyes?" asked Smith, when he met
Jones on one. of the recent windy days.
Eyes have none; don't you see the
wind has made them waterT' was the
reply.
LADY" Why did you leave your last
placer Servant" Well, yer see, mum,
i had to pay for all my breakages, and
as they come to more than my wages,
yer see, mum, it was kind of impogis-
sion that couldn't stand"
WE sat IN one OF our fashionable
church choirs recently, and we were
pleased to note with what earnestness
one of the young ladies sang, Oh, to
be nothing!" She seemed to mean every
"eFfP P3PA, Al H. they don't have any stone in
Ireland, do theyf' asked little Bank
street boy the other day. Yes, my
boy; but why do you ask such ques-
tionF' Because, papa, | thought it
was all shamrock over there.
A wELL-KNOwN Evangelical clergy
man, ON being accused of leaning to-
wards Universalism, replied that he
| hoped everybody would go to heaven,
I wish were there now"
IT is said that Indian babies never cry.
This is because they are never taken to
| public entertainments. We believe that
an Indian-rubber baby would yell fright
| fully if it were taken to a place of
| amusement. They all do it.
In response to question as to ms
business, witness replied, 81 am re.
taller of wet goods" Wet goods.
exclaimed the judge. What are theyT
Liquors, your honor" said the witness.
go, yes | see; you mix 'em with water,
responded his honor.
| A GREAT purple spot was lately dis
| covered on the face of Jupiter, and the
scientific question of the day is, "What's
the matter with JupeT After thor
ough investigation of the matter, and
| the making Of many comparative obser.-
vations we concluded that Jupiter told
Mars he was liar Cincinnatt Gazette.
A NEW device has been designed by
which linen ulster can be used all with
ter, and appear as warm as beaver over
coat. The old plan of putting fur
collar on linen coat has been done away
with, and now a fireplace is painted on
the tail of the linen ulster, in natural
colors, and the wearer looks as though
he was in profuse prespiration in the
THE train had Just emerged from as
tunnel, and a vinegar-faced maiden OF
thirty summers remarked to her gentle
man companion, Tunnels are such
bores!' which nobody can deny. But a
young lady of eighteen, who sat IN a
seat Immediately in front of the ancient
party, adjusted her hat, brushed he
frizzes back, and said to the perfume
younp man beside her 81 think tunnel