The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-02-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

!
PEOPLE of settled convictions-Pris-
oners.
The first duty on T-Don't forget to
cross it. a5#
SUITABLE dover for widow-A
widower. -s-
The article. chiefly sold ct most fancy
fairs-The visitor. ..>.+
MEN'whose business drives them to
the wall-Billposters.
TALMAGE says smoking leads to drink
ing. So does the salt Goldfish.
A WEST INDIA hurricane is the ill
wind that blows nobody good.
WHEN ought mariners to have fruit
at sea? When they stem the currents.
BEER may not make you fat, but an
overdose will make you lean-up against
something. g..
NEVER step ON dogs tail, unless
the other end of the dog is mile away
from the tail.
If you want to find out about the pc
culiarities of geese, consult the best
natural hiss stories.
WHAT order of merit would the Queen
remind You of if she were in bad hui
NOR? Victoria cross.
SHERRY is the name of much-re-
spected Lynn shoemaker. Probably the
original Sherry, cobbler.
WHEN man presents himself before
q public audience, it often happens that
his body is inclined to sink while his
head swims.
A CLOCK is being exhibited at Paris
which fires shot every hour Some
body says that its great practical utility
is SO kill time"
AUNT FL oRENCE-" And can you read
yet, Ruth?" sRuth-"I should think so,
indeed! and know geography, and his
tory, and sums, and I've got two second
teeth"
MANY a man has been known to get
rich by buying sixteen ounces to the
pound, and selling twelve. It is a
poor rule won't work both weighs, they
think.
The inhabitants Of Madagascar are
dying to get hold of an American ship
Captain who has sold them 10000 quart
cans of tomatoes as new kind OF gun
powder.
A BOY, at recent examination in an
English school, was asked who discov-
cred America. Il wish I may die" says
British editor, if he didn't answer
Yankee Doodle!'"
SPRIGHTLY young lady-"I aD afraid
I have very large foot" Polite shop
man-"Large, miss! Oh dear no, miss:
We have lots of gents-that is, custom
ers-with much larger, miss"
"OH, yes" she said, " I'm very fond
Of little boys" and, as she tripped On
string stretched across the pavement,
she added 81 feel as if could eat
couple of 'em this minute, raw
AT ST. Anne's Sunday-school in
Lowell, Mass, in answer to the question:
what is the greatest church festival?"
little orphan, of 6 years, promptly re-
sponded, The strawberry festival"
CHS acts made him immortal, and
he lives more than ever" was the way
the minister said it at the funeral; but
the compositor got it, His acts made
him immoral, and he lies worse than
ever"
The editor of the Hackensack Re
publcd1a went to call on his girl, when
he saw on the steps sign which said,
Beware of paint" He went away
signing, II never before knew that she
painted"
CYNICAL swell" Enjoying yourself, I
see, doctor; profting by the opportun
ity" Cynical doctor" What! among
such set of people? I'd have more
enjoyable opportunity of profting my
self if I were among my patients"
"ToM," said man to his friend, the
other day, Il think it is highly danger
GUS to keep the bills of small banks ON
hand nowadays" Tim" answered the
other. II find it more difficult than
dangerous"
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
What makes your lips awful sore?"
Asked Sarah's crosseyed pap:
And sarah to the old said
It's caused by a small chap"
Then Sarah's youngest brother,
As yet unknown to fame.
Looked Sarah in the eyes and asked:
g What is the small chaps name?n
Big corns grow in little boots.
He pays dear for the dust who ticks it Off shoes
If your purse contains money
Fill your mouth with stolen honey.
He who hides may find hider.
Smell pine and pass it by,
You'll want pine before you die
horse in the fourth hand is worth two in the bus.
The waiter often puts the carte before the ass.
POEM OF PLACES.
Now" in Chill tone she said.
Il will be Frank; it's true
Although you Arab brilliant catch,
do not Caffre you
20 lady Dane to hear my suit,
This heart is Scot by thee"
"Nay, sir cannot heed your words.
For you Arnaut to me-!
Ills Welsh" she added freezingly,
since Siam pressed go far,
To Hindoo you no longer here,
And so, good sir, Tartarl"
what Ottoman like me to dof"
Bewailed the stricken man;
"Ill Finnish up my mad career
And wed the Gallieani !"
"DID you ever" asked a brother hui