Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-11-28
Corn extractor-The crow.
L.. IA al. III ..o.,,boI

Even Sood lambs Will gambOl.
A little boys first pair of trowsers al
ways fit, if the pockets are deep enough
..Mending blue stockings with whit,
yarn makes them Adarned sight too con
spicuous
Good name for a wood cutter-Hugh
Good name for Limburger cheese man
Ufactory-Pugh.
A storekeeper advertises to sell thir
teen pounds of sausages for a dollar
That's dog cheap.
If love is blind, as they say it is, how
is it that they always turn the light down
so confounded low?
Keep your patients alive" said an old
doctor to a graduating class of students
Dead men pay no bills"
"Bedad," said a patriotic Irishman
yesterday, "but it's a ripe watermelon
that should be the emblem of Ireland
1t always has the green above the red"
A woman appeared in the court to be
appointed guardian for her child. "What
estate has your child% "Plaze your
honor, 1 northumberland you" Judge
Il say what has she gotP "Chills and
fever, plaze your honor"
Ill tempered medico: MADAM, if wO-
men were admitted to paradise, their
tongues would make it a purgatOry.' y
Impatient patient: "And some physi-
clans, if allowed to practice there, would
| make it a desert"
The arithmetic of to-day is somewhat
changed from old times. 1t used to
take eight scruples to make a drachm,
/ j i,
Now people take drachms without any
scruples, and sixteen Of them make
one-well, drunk.
A darkey was boasting to a grocer of
the cheapness OF ten pounds of sugar he
had purchased at a rivalstore. ''Let me
weigh it." said the grocer. The darkey
assented, and it was found two pounds
short. The colored gentleman looked
perplexed for a moment, and then said,
Guess he didn't cheat dis chile much,
cos while he was gittin' de sugar ! stole
two pair OBJ shoes"
A woman Just coming from market
| boarded a crowded street car recently,
and had to stand up. She was chewing
raspberries when a sneeze struck her
like streak of sunstroke, and she vo-
ciferated "cachoo-ol cachoop When
she eachooed tablespoonful of mashed
raspberries lit on the scalp of little
bald-headed man who had taken off his
hat to cool himself He hastily wiped
off the dessert with a newspaper, which
he had, making his head look like a
map of Asia, and got off the car amidst
the general snickering of the crowd.
Cheerfulness is most conducive to
| hno1fh oT,1 Mt hnT Cd1n th0 L
''the devil hates good laugh"
Patience is the art of waiting; time
passes quickly with him who hopes for
better days and lives for the morrow.
God made the soul to correspond with
truth. Truth is its own evidence, as the
lightning flash is, as the blessed sun
shine is.
Men think it no shame to give hand
some obsequies to those dead, whom liv-
ing they had suffered to starve unno-
ticed but the struggle OF sinking poverty
passes unseen in its corner.
It cannot be too deeply impressed
upon the mind that application is the
price to be paid for mental inquisitions,
and that it is absurd to expect it without
it as to look for harvest without seeds.
How times have changed! A hundred
years ago it was against the law for a
girl to walk in the garden on Sunday.
Now brass band parades the streets to
encourage her to walk in the garden,
and take some beer too.
While a bad observer may go through
forest and see no fire-WOOd, a true seer
learns from the smallest things and ap-
parently from the most insignificant peO-
ple. "Sir," said DR.. johnson to a fine
gentleman Just returned from Italy,
"some men will learn more in the Hamp-
stead stage than others in the tour OF
Europe"
We are quite in agreement with En-
erson that if the bulk of modern litera-
ture could be burnt up, our boys and
girls would be immensely the gamers.
| The readiug of light, trashy, sentiment
| al, sensational, silly and sickly novels
and novelettes has neutralized to a great
extent the purpose of universal system
| of popular education. Instructive read
| ing requires the use af brains, demands
| reflection, stores the memory and devel-
ops faculty. Bnt who are they who now
read solid books?
A BEAUTIFUL PARAGRAPH.-The follow
/ lllS I1lCG dlO ldhCll HULL Llulu
Davy's Salmonia:
II envy no quality of the mind, or
| intellect in others, be it genius, power,
wit, or fancy; but if could choosewhat
would be the most delightful, should
prefer firm religious belief to any
other blessing; for it makes life disci-
| pline of goodness, breathes new hope,
varnishes and throws over the decay,
/ fhn IncAVT7o4ior, ,f n,v11Aov,nn 4ha
gorgeous of all light; awakens life even
in death, and from corruption and decay
calls up to beauty and divinity; makes
an instrument of torture and shame, the
| ladder of ascent to Paradise; and far
above all combination of earthly hopes,
calls up the most delightful visions of
palms and amaranths, the gardens of the
| blest, and security of everlasting joys,
where the 'sensualist and skeptic view
only gloom, decay, annihilation and
desnair.
A Paris letter says: I have recently
heard of two very extravagant purchas-
es that were made by American ladies
in Paris this season. One article was
the costliest braid or Switch" of hair
that was ever made in Paris. II was
composed of hair yard and a quarter
in length, snow white and exceedingly
soft and glossy. Its price was $500,
| Another was fan that was recently got
! up by one of the leading lawmakers of
Paris for the wife of a New York mill
ionaire. The leaf was painted by Ed
ward de Beaumont, a Paris artist ofhigh
repute, and cost $500.
A very large land-hOlder was the Earl
Of Leitrim, who was shot by some of his
exasperated tenants. He owned 56,184
acres in Donegal, 18,2O3 in Galway, So
in Kildare and q, ,179 in Leitrim, max
ing in all 1868 acres. Of the two
Irish dukes, Fitzgerald, Duke of Lem
ster, owns 70,262 acres in Kildare, and
1,119 in Meath, and Hamilton, Duke of
Abercorn, 81 800 in Donegal, and Is,
919 in Tyrepe.
Wet pepper, it seems, throws off great
quantities of carbonic acid gas. On
board an English steamer in a Chinese
port lately, a quantity of pepper was ia
ken on board, part of which had been
wet with rain. Next morning a China
man went into the hold and fell sense
less. Four English sailors went down
to render assistance they, too, fell sense
less, and finally all five, after a ventila-
ton of the hold, were found dead.