The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-03-22
PASSING SMILES.

| ---------- 5D
IT is again reported that Christine
Nilsson lost her voice, but Mr.. Nilsson
says he knows bettef..- Buffalo E.rpress.
THE man who sighed for the wings Of
a bird did not apparently know that the
legs were much nicer eating. -Ne,o York
World.
"WHEN shall call you in the morn
ing, STRIP asked hotel waiter of an
Aberdenian one night. He replied,
haughtily, "Pll ring the bell when |
wish to be called. "--New York Erpress.
SENATOR McCREERY's ideal of per-
feet bliss is Enthusiastically described as
this: To sit under tree in his Ken
lucky home on n summers afternoon,
and watch little negroes play marbles.
THE force of habit is so great that
some families will send servant two
blocks beyond grocery store for the
purpose Of borrowing little tea from
a neighbor.--Ncae Orleans Picdyune.
THERE is no excuse for man to go
shutting through life with his hands in
his pockets and no more animation about
him than an old door-mat on which
everybody wipes their feet dckcnsdck
Republican. a
A LITTLE girl who was spending few
days with farmer uncle visited the
barnyard, and while looking at the we'll
! fed cows, remarked: "Why, uncle,
just see, all the cows are chewing gum,
aren't they"
"HAND my card to Mr.. Fizniggle,"
said shabbily-dressed man to an Office
boy. Certainly, sir" wss the reply.
In two minutes the boy returned.
"Will he see me9 asked the man.
"No; he told me to tell you that he'd
gone out of town Yesterday, and wouldn't
be back for week Men York Express.
THERE is still great deal Of poverty
in our midst. We hear OF man who IL
80 poor that a month ago he sold his dog,
and on Tuesday last his vote. He got
seventy-fve cents for his dog and two
dollars and fifty cents for his vote. A
vote is worth more, it appears, than the
average dog, but it can't howl as
dismally at night.--No,yistoicn Herald.
Two simple young fellows and gay
To surprise party HE'D away
With two girls from the city,
Both charming and witty. 10
And they danced till the break OF the day
And when they arrived home it's need
less to say their parents were In a high
state OF indignation, aud the young men
will consult Their own interests BY
standing on the opposite side OF the
street and carrying on conversation
- -Bu6alo Erpyess.
FRANCE spends fifteen and half
times as much on her army as on her
schools, Italy twelve times as much,
England five and half times, Ger
many four and two-fifth times, Austria
four times, and Switzerland one and
one-eighth times. Per head of popula-
ton, France spends on her army 1885,,
and England lbs. 54d.
In some instances it takes one thou
sand pieces of Japanese money to mako
dollar. When the basket is passed
around in Japanese church it is fire.
quently returned to the pulpit running
over with coins, and yet only contains
seventy-fve cents. Church-going people
find this money a great convenience
No,ristoaon Herald.
A SENSITIVE man would rather face
loaded lannon's mouth than have con-
tribution box showed under his nose
when his girl is eagerly watching him,
and he knows there is no money in his
clothes-not even a scent OF cologne.
This is what makes SO many OF our
young men look old and careworn be-
fore their time dckensack Republican.
WHEN woman spends three hours In
hot kitchen, and roasts her brains out,
almost, in preparing tempting and ap-
petizing dinner for her husband, to
which he sits down without word OF
commendation, and replies, when asked
how he likes his dinner, "Oh, it will
dol" the tired-out wife doesn't feel en-
couraged to waste much time on his
supper Norristo,en Herald.
ANOTHER counterpart to the hardly
ever" word play has been discovered BY
the Philadelphia Bulletin in an old anec-
dote of Louis XIV of France. In the
chapel at Versailles, one Sunday, where
the King, Nine. du Barry and all the
court we're present, the preacher began
his sermon solemnly with the words,
"My friends, we must all dieP The
King was disturbed and made a grimace,
whereupon the courtly preacher added,
cor nearly ALL"
WE want to exchange with some
papers that don't tell their readers when
a resident dies that " he was an old and
respected citizen, whose death is re-
GREETED by the entire community, and
| his demise will leave vacancy which
can never be filed" 1t makes the
people who are left behind feel that
they are paltry set of villains, whose
deaths will be announced by ringing OF
bells, booming of guns, and general
"whoop 'er up, boys; old Jones has
kicked the POI City Derrick.
THERE is something radically wrong
| in the laws of our beloved country. In
our courts few weeks since they SEN
fenced poor, half-starved man % one
years imprisonment for snatching =
pocket book from a lady's hand girls,
beware), and at the same time vii
famous wretch, who, not satisfied with
kicking his wife over the kitchen door,
dragged her by the hair Of the head AL
over the house. received q sentence OF
one month. Can any one shed light on
the subject? Where is the justice IN 2
sentence like this? (No answer to this
conundrum expected. u ".
/ Suffering In England.
Great distress prevails among the IL
| L - - y