Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1879-10-08
4 DESPERATE EXPEDLENT.

|
Westerville, in Ohio, is certainly the
most conclusive If we want to get
rid of a man because he wears eye
glasses, or because he talks too much
or because he smokes in an elevator,
or because for whatever reason he
fails to appreciate our genius and gen
eral merit, there is surely no neateT
way than to put two kegs of gunpow-
der outside of his chamber door and al
a suitable moment to touch them off.
Such was the ingenious plan devised
by what are known as the United
Brethren of Westerville to get rid OF
a certain obnoxious saloon keeper
named Corbin.
When we say devised by the United
Brethren Of Westerville we should
guard the statement-for we are not
unmindful of possible consequence
by saying that such at least is the gen
eral impression Machiavelli's maxim,
that when a crime is committed and
we know not the perpetrator we
should seek out whom it benefits, has
here peculiar force. Mr.. Corbin sold
what to the United Brethren is known
and loathed as rum" Far be it from
US to imply that their objection was a
| groundless one. On the contrary it
was doubtless particularly well found
ed. Only to their mode of suggesting
that objection-always provided that
| they were in truth the authors of the
deed we record-would we apply
any criticism. "Rum," then, is the pet
aversion of the United Brethren TO
Corbin as the prime dispenser or Mag
nus Apollo of rum" their cordial de-
testation was naturally directed.
Many have been the gentle persua-
sions by which they have sought to
entice him to remove his barrels and
jugs and to perfume the air of Wester-
vile with them no more. But Corbin
was implacable The brethren, thus
foiled, betook themselves-unless we
have unwittingly been led into error
to the policy of Richelieu In other
words "all means to conciliate" having
proved fruitless they had recourse to
call means to crush"
1t was at about O'Clock on Mon
day morning, then, that their final
gentle entreating was put in force,
with what result we shall presently
see. At that hour the quiet village OF
Westerville was wrapped in slumber
The purveying of Mr.. Corbin's "rum'
had long since ceased for the night,
and in spite of it, or perhaps because
of it, then was portentous Stiffness
Suddenly there burst forth fierce, an
overwhelming report. This being an
earthquake epoch the entire village
rushed incontinently into the street
They then beheld what the United
Brethren at least considered delight.
full spectacle This was nothing less
than the entire establishment Of Mr.
Corbin, including his full stock OF
"rum," soaring heavenward in the
most volatile and aspiring style inn
aginable. Beams and rafters shot up
like rockets. A large section of the
roof, after spinning about for time
in the air, came down and "bonneted'
the church-steeple like candle snuff
fer. Mrs. Corbin and her baby, after
a variety of lively evolntions came
down in lager beer cask in the street
Mr.. Corbin ascended to a considerable
height, and, after taking calm survey
of the situation, concluded to come
down too. By this time, of course,
the small boys of Westerville were
hard at work on the sugar, lemons and
furtive rills Of "rum" that were drop
ping all over the village, while the
to a remote barn to speculate over con-
tingencies and determine upon Their
future course.
Now, if any harm had come to Mr.
Corbin and his family; if they, like
the hateful "rum," had come to final
grief from being hoisted and spilled in
this curious fashion, the United Breth.
ren-if indeed they had anything to
do with the performance-might have
found themselves in something worse
than an uncomfortable position. Hap
PLY, however, everybody came down
in tolerably good condition. The
baby, with an hereditary instinct that
would have charmed Mr.. Galton, i'm
medately demanded its "bottle ;" Mrs
Corbin merely observed that the anti.
United Brethren were keeping it uE
rather late that night; while Mr.
Corbin, on being picked up in a neigh.
boring wheat field, said something
about zone more for the very last
and directly fell into a sound sleep
1t is seldom that 50 tremendous an up
roar is rounded off with so exquisite 8
calm. Mr. Corbin's Saloon" or '1i
brary," or "sample-room," or whatever
else in the jocosity Of his heart il
pleased him to call it, was no more
but his capacity either to vend or 4
hold "rum" remained unimpaircd, and
after establishing what may be termed
so unique a claim on favor and admira
ton as his midnight flight must entail
he is likely to be more popular thar
ever.
| We sincerely hope-supposing then
to have had any share in this event
that the lesson conveyed by it will not
be lost upon the United Brethren o
Westerville. Let them blow up the
sellers Of "rum" after whatever -four
ish their nature will, but let them con
fine themselves hereafter to that sua
sion which experience shows to be, i
not the best, at least form Of argu
ment which is strictly within the con
fines Of law. Let them, in any case
eschcw gunpowder, dynamite and tho
like lest, with the typical engineer
who has served for 80 many warnings
and precedents, they find themselves
"hoist with their own petardo
A MINISTER having preached agains
social abnormitcs to his congregation
was a few days later waited upon by 1
committee presenting him set Of reso
. | IutionG not very comulimentaTV To "a,