The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-02-20
PASSING SMILES.
A GREAT tail bearer-The peacock.

l
people to party in house where there
are only fifty chairs.-PicQyune.
| A JOINS County Iowa) man was con-
verted one night, and the next day bet
a man he would stick to his religion for
a year.
Miss ANTHONY defines marriage as
binding oneself out to one man for
board and clothes" Well, how much
better is the mans side of the bargain
toledo Blade.
An elephant once nearly killed an
| Ir1shman for an insult offered to his
| trunk The act was rash in the extreme
but it was impossible, the Hibernian
| said, to resist a nose you could pull with
both hands.
A PARIsIAN told his clearinghouse
keeper that the coffee had only one great
| merit and one great fault; the merit
that it had no chickory in it, and the
fault that there was no coffee in it.
Boston Courier.
IT is not often one sees an Irish bull
in French newspaper, but the other
day the Figaro, which affects extreme
smartness, had a beauty in the heading
to its police intelligence. 1t was this:
Suicide of two persons; statement of
the one that survived"
THE personal estate of the late Earl
of Dysart, the Londen recluse, who lived
for SO many years in his chambers, never
seeing soul, has been sworn under S.
100000. His solitude was probably due
to fear that he might meet some young
and fashionable widow.
A YOUNG man at Oshkosh was ar
rested the other day for stealing four
pounds and half of sausage from his
employer, but he showed that his en-
ployer had contracted to board him and
that he had eaten the sausage for supper,
and was released.
"WERE there cats in the ark F' is
question that is troubling the religious
editor of an exchage. Certainly there
were, and the first thing they said after
leaving that ancient craft was: (" IF
there's Ararat round here we want to
gopher it." zz- nor ! -.
AN agricultural paper tells How to
Dress Hog" We know how to dress
hog. Give him cane, a stove-pipe
hat and pair of eyeglasses. After
that he will try to pass for man.. Bat
pshawl a hog will be hog, no matter
how he may be dressed. ga 70 -. =..-.-
A WESTERN paper gives this little
bit of backwood gossip between parent
and child: :" Is the hewlings of adog
always followed by a death /" asked q
little girl of her father. Not always,
my dear; sometimes the man that shoots
at the dog misses. him" " was the parents
reply. is.iiIrEp lis2sI ed fsels 5qia.5
! A MILLION little diamonds
Twinkling on the trees, q r1B- it -
~ And all the little maidens said,
"a jewel If you peasefp+ = las
But while they held their hands outstrstehed
To catch the diamondsgay, y
"A million little sunbeams came,
= And stole them all away. - 81. Z.
OLD lady to taxidermist: You can
see yourself, man, you only stuffed my
poor parrot in the summer, and here's
his feathers. tumbling out before your
eyes" Taxidermist: 'Lor' bless We, IN,
that's the triumph of our art. We
stufs 'em that natural as they InOults in
their proper season. Funny Folks.
THE Rev. Welcome Smith (not the
Indian missionary, who was feeced on
she Erie Road out of ffty-six dollars by
three-card monte gamblers, was arrested
and fined for gambling after the thieves
had been punished. That is good way
to teach foolish men lesson Utica
Herald.
EDIsoN's work on instruments for
magnifying sound is an instance of mis-
directed genius. The community wants
an instrument to absorb sound. A ms
chine that should prevail against cry
ing baby or an Ohio orator would put
it's autho- on the highest pinnacle of
fame.-C Chicago Trii51ne.
"MAMMA," said a wicked youngster,
" am canoe? ?'' mo, child, why do
you askT.' "Oh, because you always
say you like to see people paddle their
own canoe, and / didn't know but maybe
was yoursf''r The boy went out of the
door with more reference to speed than
grace! - eca7
"FELLow-CITIzENs," said local can
didate, ".there are three topics that now
agitate the State-greenbacks taxes and
the penitentiary.o / shall pass oYer the
first two very briefly, as my sentiments
are well known, and come to the peni-
tentiary, where I shall dwell for some
time" ss 7sl4 {s+s s. fflfs.,r ~ ri,Es
OBITUARY announcements are some
times curious In last Fridays London
Times was announced the death ofHa
gentleman at Islington, who formerly
carried on business in ,Regent-street,
and who was for many years Principal
Laceman in Ordinary to Her Majesty.
1t is well that our distinctions should
not be forgotten.
PERU, at whose capital Senator Chris
tiancy will represent the United States
| as Minister, has bonded debt of $780,
| 600. 900; its guano deposits, the princi-
pal source of its wealth, are mortgaged
to British capitalists for S36, ,0Q0, ,QOo,
| and the government owes Sc, ,000,O0O IN
| interest. Assets-an occasional earth
| quake.-Chicdgo Journal. y.ifosr
| THERE is one terrible revulsion of
| feeling in mans life that no eloquence
of pen has the power to describe 1t Is
when he falls prone, or pretty nearly
prone. to the earth, overwhelmed with
confusion and an anti-friction sidewalk,
and then looks around and pours out
his soul in grateful ibations to the i'm
mortal gods when he knows that nobody
saw him 90 down. - -Buriington Hdaokeye.
AMAN may be a consistent, conscien-
tious Christian and q model of religious
life in the church and the community;
he may faithfully read the Bible instead
of the Sunday papers, and cheerfully
support his mother-in-law and her SIX
children; but it is one hundred chances
to one that his pure human nature will
ripple in a wave of tingling pleasure
when he receives a letter through the
mail on which he discovers stamp that
the postmaster has forgotten to cancel.
E ls 1T ------- - = =
l,.. .sfa, a Pet Dogs.
The New York Home Journal, referring