The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-05-24
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

What is il the sad sea waves:
The poll.evii-election frauds.
Done with the pcn--a dead pig
Lap of luxury--cat eating cream
Weather report--0.c clap of thunder
The newest thing in socks-a baby.
shirt.front is thing to be studded.
strapper-the village school-mastcr.
Never look = gift apple in the worm-hole
man mus, be sick to throw up situation.
Dried apples are used for dessert at all swell
paIties
Common metcr-onc that registers more gas
than is consumed.
The San Francisco hoodlums Quilted crockery
store because they felt they had to burst up CHI
ua anyhow.
Look out for an exodus from Muncc, Ind, in
June. Seventeen brass bands are to engage in
q tournament there.
Joseph Mcdin is i'll and has gone to a country
where they know not Joseph.-Ftoc Press. How
was Joseph med i'll? And has he left Chicago,
H.?
There ~ no good substitute for wisdum, but
silence is the best that haz been discovered yet"
j. billings.
4 good many shad are getting in-seine. This
venerable Joke, we believe, has not been patented.
An exchange contains the marriage notice Of a
Mr. ana Miss Carr. We notice it merely rs an in
stance of Carr coupling by a clergyman, which
is something unusual.
Between four and five hundred Indians near
Ashland have taken the pledge. They got the
idea that the pledge was something about wills
XIV and that was enough.
Necessity it said, knows no law In this re-
spect Necessity bears Il strong resemblance to
many Of the attorneys practicing at the Kane
county bSr.--GeHs,d RDubiican.
A western paper wants TO know "where the
next works. fair will be held"" ! don't profess
TO know much about the next world, but in these
diggings Sunday night is the favOritc time for
holding this worlds iar.-Shdht.
When in full dress the ZuIus wear a ring in the
nose and that's alI.-1Dany -bU,tS. Isn't that
enough to wear in the nose, Perhaps you want
an African gentleman to carry around whole
lewelry store in his proboscis.
Mr. Seroggs, of Illinois, is preparing to leave
for his consulate at Hamburg, and Mr. Scruggs,
China Scraggs, Screggs and Scriggs are yet to
near from.
The gentlemen from "Injeany" whose mem
DRY slipped its grip on the word 'salcratus,' eX-
planned to the storc-keepcr that he wanted sum
Of that yer white powder made bread git up
and hump itself"
Young men sending spring poetry to this Of
flee will please incosc their names and addresses,
not for publication, but IN evidence Of their
insanity in case they are ever arrested for muir
der.-EE.
4 correspondent asks: "What is Il bat%
bat, my friend is that part Of n brick which will
encourage your neighbours hens to vacate the
bed OF peas which You have Just planted-lEa-
tcrIod ObScrgcr
In breach of promise case tried in Iowa the
other day, the Judge, who had forgotten that he
was once young, sdid that once in four weeks
was often enough for lovers to sit up and spark.
The old rooster
Hem, an item. THE other day"-thats when
they all happen-weli, the other day coal car
ran off the track the l. C. depot. Another
item. Important The boys have nailed down
new board at the depot Thus we keep things
hummng at kankakec.-h. A. Gozcht.
~ WILL" Kate said, 'you, Charley, wed.
II you'll through life stand by me-
"Pll stand you by--f don't lie"
Quoth Charlcy-but don't try me"
''Oh, yes, ! see' said Kate in glcc,
"You would not have me slight you
by needless ways in wedlock days
'Twould he plight plight you"
"All right" said he; 81 will agree
To take the plight you profer.n
Her wealth was great he'd chance his fate
And offer to live off her.
Some of the New York society ladies insist on
having carriage horses of the same color Us their
own hair. Thus woman well advanced in life
has gray horses ar, If very old, clear white while
brunette drives black or brown and Il blonde
chestnut But s0rrcl horses are neverin demand
probably because there are no s0rret ton ladies
in New York
Don't he an editor" shrcks the Boston Trim.
script. It's al! very well To LAY, Don't be an edi
tor; but when a man il too honest for preacher
or member OF congress- what il he to do?-Saa
Jose Hcrc'HB. This is the poser Of the period
But, then, You know, the strictly veraciols pro.
fession must not he ovcrcrowded
We are a little puzzled over the offer of a sub
scribcr To pay his last years dues in logs. We
believe in trade, but these logs seem to as
some way.--S"t'rat'' La1.br"toD. You might
convert those logs into clubs and we never
knew a newspaper that didn't urge It's subscrih
crs 10 make mp clubs."-Frt,zod Budgct. or
have them worked up into posts Every editor
ought to be well posted.
The Sandwich irgw reioices in the rc-opening
Of the saloons in that burg. 1t was particularly
hard while they were closed it says, on the tramp
Temperance lectures, who in the sevcrcr eases
had to he relieved from private bottle.
HUMAN NATURE.
Within a dell
Where cowslips dwell
loyc-Orn frog
sat on a log.
With signing croak
His love he spoke
For Polly Wog,
luIa fr....