Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-12-19
Eli Perkins on Murderers.

I met d. A. Reardon, of Boston, yes
terday. Mr.. Reardon is the man who
has started the idea that murderers can
bn made valuable to society-they
ought not to be killed, but utilized.
Your Scientific american article is
long and exhaustive" I said. "Please
to tell me verbally what you propose to
do with the murdeerrs ?"
Well, sir, l consider murderers as
very valuable material. They should
not be destroyed. They should be
handed over to the physicians, to be
used in performing surgical operations.
Why, one good, healthy murderer, full
OF good teeth, having ten fingers, pair
of bright eyes, two large, handsome
ears, and healthy nose, could be used
by the surgeons to patch up a dozen
unfortunate invalids."
"Then you propose to use the MUIR
derers for grating purposes
Exactly. We can engraft large
piece OF skin, finger, or a nose. That
Is, suppose you have patient who
loses his nose. Why, you can Just cut
OFT the murderer's nose and engraft it
onto the patient"
And in case of man with thin
BLOOD"
Why, you can draw ont quart OF
blood from the murderer and transfuse
it. Now, in regard to teeth, you know
dentists have been ENGRAVING teeth
from one mouth into another for years.
Garry out my idea, Mr.. Perkins, and
every man can have . tine set of regular
teeth, providing it is good year for
murderers and their teeth pan out
WE'LL"
Could you engraft an ear ?"
Certainly. If can engraft piece
of skin, why not an ear? Ears and
noses have been engrafted from one
person to another great many times,
and think that an eye could be en-
grated"
IAN eye Oh, how could you en-
graft the organ of sight ?" exclaimed.
Well, Mr.. Perkins, you could en-
graft an eye this way: You know an
eye sometimes get pulled out so as to
hang by single cord or tendon. Ply
sicians are called to pat them back fire..
quenty. Now, to engraft an eye the
the murderer would have to lay close
to the patient. Then the physician
would pull out his eye and plant it in
the patients empty socket, where it
would soon commence to grow"
But wouldn't it he cruel to cut up
murderer in pieces, and engraft his
ears, fingers and eyes into another per-
sons p l asked.
"Of course not. Isn't the man con-
demned to die? Now, nine murderers
out Of ten would be glad to lose their
ears, cheeks. fingers and noses, pro-
vided you still keep them alive. If
man objected to losing an ear, why
take him out and show him the gibbet,
and lie would consider it merciful to
let him off with the ear. In fact, o
man would rather lose three or four
members than all of them-wouldn't
he? 1t is postulate in mathematics
that part is not equal to the WHOLE"
But there wouldn't be enough muir.
derers to go round, would there?"
"Yes, think go" said Mr.. Reardon,
thoughtfully. "You see there's Texas
and Kentucky-they raise surplus
stock. There is Colonel Buford, Of
Kentucky, and Gully, the Yazoo muir.
derer. who murdered Judge Chisholm,
and Currie. who murdered the actor
Porter in Texas. Now these are all
three good healthy men, likely fellows;
you might say A No. prime murder
ers. propose to engraft Currie's
hands onto General Howard, Gully's
right leg onto General Sickles, and take
General Buford's cheek and engraft it
onto-onto-onto-
Va,, Ioy'k v,,aov fhok would onDvock
it onto me, do your 1 said, my hand
clasping my revolver pocket.
"Oh. no. there amt room for it;
there"
could you do anything with a MUIR
derer's moral faculties ?" interrupted.
"Well. yes. In time should hope
to be able to transfer his brain and
conscience. Now, Colonel Bufords
conscience would help Ben Butler.
Butler needs it. Most any murdererss
conscience would improve General
Butler"
What do you do with love and
memory?"
transfer them too. / could take
an old man like Sam Tilden or Simon
Cameron, and fill him full of love and
brighten up his memory 80 that he
could remember just how he felt kiss
ing Mrs. Oliver while his grandchildren
were banging at the door, and when it
comes to backbone"
What you don't propose to trans.
fer an entire backbone? ?" 1 asked.
Certainly. Why not? Now, I'd
take Gully's backbone and transfer it
to President Hayes. 1t would be the
making of the President-just what he
needs"
"And brains; would you transfer
them, too?"
Certainly. Now, Buford's brains
should be taken to Washington and be
divided out oy teaspoonfuls to each
member of Congress. There's brains
enough in Colonel Buford and Currie
and Gully to save Sam Cox, if properly
transferred, or to even put brillian.
ideas into the members OF the para.
graphers' association, and"
"All right" / said; that settles it.
Consider me member of your organi-
cation. Put me down for ten chances
in nythiDg calculated to ameliorate
the condition OF the American news
l.