The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-10-16

&nOHn He
! DnIyE 59sr cattle q Tie fice if you
want cowslips in the water.
'ao AFTER all, the shingles onasIoof cover
the most laps. .syof
d The maalr who, lays by any "dust"
must wade through considerable mud.
CHE passed in his checks,p but had
rthemreturned. by the cashieIfor want of
1 PEo1rr,El + viii i'll, tax ali and sing about the
Ia flowing bowl ,mwhenfit isn;t ts'the bowl
that flows at all. ste
- Iris vulgar to to Gall a 9 man a "bow-leg-
ged." Just speak Of him as paren-
thetical pedestrianyI4ild .eah
s7ae Oh, that my father was seized with.
thrift at college.
y WHEN corner aoafef dies1in Tennes
isseithe newspapers say; sAnother old
landmark gone.'' .''e,,aa ansa,roT.
!. CouNsEI Ito witness - You're nice
sort Of az fellow, you afep7t Witness
I'D say the same of YOU, opiy I'm on
PoL1rIcs are great is blessing 81 to society.
What else is it that fhakeslnen shake
hands and be nice to each other?
-"ALAsl this is drop too much, /" said
the fellow who was about. tes be hanged.
And undoubtedly it was, in moose
se1ise. $40 Ina ,thas h91R9lo
ser iMlsrsRss4-' -sFaridgeh did Sen hear me
/ cau?sng Rridget--" Yis, mum; but you
towld me the .ither day ni8er to answer
w backAaiid L didn't {. ''s'ssF1oaaks
8 APHYsa6TkNso of this town was heard
to remark the ether day, ,ttlhlaat that if if he were
with General Miles command, he'd
/ scafpef out the Indians bib
tag"WHAT areithe best storiesT' "That
|: depends. When yor are telling them
| the long ones are; When you are listen
ing THE sfiSfs oi1ess" "stuatsqmoo
s1"eWHREg the .cornis IMawng" means,
whenia superabpndance rof grain, in a
LIQUID state, causes the : sidewalk to os-
T cfiiate.IM -99af add aatgrts
t93eANrHoENEos sigha sadly be-
cause be cant " a prosecute E ths spirit1elle
fassea iass y ZIG sssasiss NnS Eso q s 'A''
b ystAI1N isaida ola,s PtIslAyer, as he
pielkaa himsslf .s gR fBoR Rl.a en. awkward y ard
tumble over bearded sDrUwser, L got
fimyafaN over gost rathsf Zoo early in the
seasoEq ssiAb;bnla qeiso sdt
|. 81 AW.HAT9o they always put D G. after
Washington for? asked Mr.. .Quilp OF
MiraTQlno4tWbs, amy adeafasaon't you
know that Washington was the Daddy of
! his Country said Quilp, with snicker.
TlsiI THERE 8 many girl called y daisy .
befofe marriage, who, afterIa INV years,
looks liked faded old 1n 8 buttercup."
There may not be much poetry about
this assertion, but IT'S the truth.
I sd NoTH1K lis naade isNainl'' exclaims
the divine, but the next moment, as an
aggregation of silk lace and feathers
sWeeped up, the aisle, he realized that
| something is maiden vain.
| AN actor having EXPRESSED q wish to
/ appear inoseyefal pieces on, the same
evening, and to bring down the house,
was assured that he might do both by
smoking d cigar IN powder manu-
factory s.m 9ass3aFEfiI 3fsp
Il fHHYoHNG man" says, IA quaint writer,
eff you are to be married, your future
/ wife IS nov ifiving, therefore pray for
her. land, while yoa nre gabout it,
don't forget to pray for her future
husband; he needs praying for as much
/ AZ she does. 10 yTG1sia eli
HAMtroN county, Ohio, has had q
cooking contest, and "a ilprize has been
awarded to a Young woman who prepared
good dinner in sixtysffve minutes.
Another girl cooked edinncriin fifty
four minutes. But it was not good.
A SMALL boy asked his motker, GER
tain, worthy lad, of this city, if God
|. punished everybody that told lie.
ssrCertainly he does, was the reply.
81 81 Yon had better look out then, mother,
for / haven't had that piece Of raspberry
pie. you promised me two days ago.
| A GENTLEMAN passing across the play
!, COMPLAIN to the, principal, which he did
{ thus e have been, abused by some ras-
4 Gals of, this place, and have come to
.aeqnaint syeu Of il, as I understand you
bare the principal" assssrs.in asa
WHEN you see a lady running after a
4 street car, shaking hersparasol like mad
gl' and CRYING frantically,s Here, hereW
4 the thought comes that all this trouble
4 and vexation of spirit might have been
prevented i had she been taught to
whistle On her finoers. .-
SGF2esIasE Hsy Va did bsr YTGns YT;.s
Lucy? Miss-Lucy-" The butter was
mot susa At All Mfssl Scroggins, and was
all sorts of---different colors." Mrs.
4 Scroggins-- Is Ehat ain tnuthin'. If you
q was to see a1yaeowss syew'd sfndP EN- big
I sight tsmerssReckelder'p my shatter."
tidssspThe baauseeu. buxsm Bertha Bangs
shs RanRs NJ sois sass IN sas earis
slEau She bangsson the nannr stho,d
de-.S BaS 81 y g Us ssas. SIR s5,s Ss s.
ia 4 OH ae eansing, is Seasshssi % sihssesss sFile
II ~ q a. D wg--Sts Louis Tinsss-.Joarnnl.
i A MINISTER once stold Wendell Phil
ElipsI that If. his. business, i'm life was to
i save the negroes, ,she qQnght, togo South,
IswhefBi they were, and do itsa That is
I ltwortliii thinking sof, ,asrspled Phillips:
} llsssalsd6 what is yOur sbusinesssln llfeT'
I Es To SAVE men rom going tOEhell," re-
+ 1plied theaminister ID. Thengo there and
J fAttend ito your sbusinesspa lsaid Mr.
j EPhil1ips. .sisfSI ~ tassstI noiaJ
r. OIb Mr.. .Hazlett, of Oregon, thought
n fhe VAS goinga TO die. sanS sifs order that
his heirs should have nothing 10 quarrel
, over, he, burned $29, eco In greenbacks
lHe didn't die after all ); and now when
!, tRe heirs Bee him saving wood TO earn his
! bread. iheeyy la raify feel that they are
ahead of. him Detroit Free Efess.
1igsMoTHER to her daughter Just seven
. i YEA years Ode What makes YOU look sc
hsad,' Carrie yyf+~ Carrie, hooking at hei
baby-brother three weeks old-"I wal
Just thinking that in about ten years
from new, when shall be entering com
pany, and having beaux, that brother ol
hndnetig beSjsst old enough to bother
the life out of me.
The curate of a South London church
whose ,pron,tn ciation is mprf pedanti,
; than proper, has been very jIStly snub
4 N l.e 4 - Il rant .,
/ thouch. his name were written "Awl
: bert Edward. One Of his parishoner'
n asked him, the other day, why he 30 sig
nj y;t;c,Tnf II IL X Th,,l4a fhefprince of Vale,