Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-02-06

Noone ever found fault with music
box tor putting on airs.
How to produce a telling effect-Com-
municate a secret to a woman.
A retired Boston fireman calls himself
an exspurt.
He who would rise in the world, says
Josh Billings, must pay for the yeast.
We are bulldozing OLD England with the
beef of young Texas.
A rumor comes from Paris that bonnets
are, to be worn on the head hereafter.
When young lady wants to appear in
a blaze of glory she indulges in little
torehon lace.
There's one melancholy fact about
calendar: there's no time when its days
are not numbered.
Gen. Grant probably by this time Hat
ters himself that he's ''the noblest roam
man of them ALL
If you can't keepyour resolutions,d don't
break 'em, but give 'em to some poor fell
low who hasn't any.
A young woman of New Haven, Conn.
applied for a divorce because her husband
had ''no style about him.
It is vulgar to call a man ':bow-legged. %
Just speak of him as a parenthetical pc
destrian.
''My dear, doyou wish to make a fool
of me ?'' ''No," replied his wife, "nature
has saved me the trouble"
Did you ever see man poke IRE with
out being overcome by the conviction
that you could do the job better.
IfGeneraI Sherman Is called s'Tecump'
why shouldn't his brother John be called
''Resump."
Some wicked wretch suggests that dea-
i.ons be compelled to use a bell-punch
when they take up collections in church,
Chief Joseph of the Nez Perces, is rep
resented as blending low with a natural
grace over the hand Of Mrs. Hayes"
A Cincinnati preacher declares,that the
earth is getting better. The gentleman
has reference, doubtless, to the soil.
''Bredren,' . said a darkey in a prayer.
meeting, 81 feels if / could talk more
good in five minutes dan could do in
] year."
A clock keeps its hands before its face
probably because it is ashamed of the COW
ardly manner in which Times flies.
One reason why we accomplish SO littl'
in this world is because so much time il
lost in hunting up collar buttons of I
morning.
Some two hundred farmers from differ
ent parts of the State, attended the lee
lures on agriculture at the State Universi
ty, Columbus.
A Chicopee, Mass, boy declined to ca
soup at dinner the other day, on tn,
ground that he ''hadn't any teeth tina
were little enough for soup.
A Missouri woman keeps up bar in he
house for her husband to patronize, ant
in this way keeps him at home beside
getting all his money.
Trying to do business without adver
Using is like winking at a pretty girl il
the dark; you may know what you ar
doing yourself, but nobody else does.
We saw young man with two head
on his shoulders the other day, but didn'
consider it much of a curiosity-one be
longed to his girl.
Distinguished divine to recent convert
t'We propose to baptize you by the Turk
ish bath method. 1t is really the onl
means to scrub your years of sin out c
you."
A notice in a western newspaper of
} steamboat explosion ends as follows 18Th
! captain SWAN ashore. So did the cham
} bermaid; she was insured for $l5, 900 an
: loaded with IRON"
What city in France is man about I
visit when he goes to get married? II
is going to Havre (have. her). An oil
bachelor being asked the question promp
" replied, 's!Eo Rouen" (ruin).
els that the second bell?'' inquired
gentleman of a colored porter. IN,
sah," answered the porter, ''dat am tt
second ringin' ub de fuSt bell. We ha
, butone bell in dis establshmum."
! A miser's character described in tw
, lines: You who are acquainted with NJ
+ x, can you tell me the reason why, bein
q so rich, he always takes third-class pa
Il / " - Ills FALt6 OI3 1t
: very simple. 1t is because there is II
q fourth class. .
a Henry was sitting in the parlor wit
e Laura, and in attempting to turn the g'
down dim he extinguished it. ''There
h ne exclaimed: ''The gas has gone ont.
L YES" mnrmnred Laura" ''and wis
e somebody would follow its example.
: Then Henry went ont too.
e a good story is told of college Pres
dent, who, meeting on the ears form,
G student whose character for sobriety w;
not good, and whose then appearant
J. evidenced recent debauch approache
e. him aud solemnly and regretfully sal,
e t'Been on drunk 2 $50 have I,''.-wi
/. the immediate reply. 81 f.s.s5-
! German Socialists