The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1879-11-20
The TwitcherIy Affair.


lately lived Mr.. Caleb B. Twitcherly,
who, though at first glance he may seem
to be grossly improbable person, was
nevertheless a sad reality. Mr.. Twitch-
erly was what is called a genial, though
quick-tempered person, and it was more
his misfortune than his fault that he at
tracted swarms of friends around him.
Moreover, he was plentifully supplied
with sisters and aunts, and he married,
for which, indeed, there was no excuse,
except that of mere reckless despera-
ton, into a family where he fairly rolled
in sisters-in-law. All of them-sisters,
aunts, wife and sisters-in-law-lov
him devotedly, and men pointed him
out with awe and pity as one who prob
ably suffered from more friends than
any man in the State.
Mr.. Twitcherly was engaged to act as
grOomsman at the wedding of one of
his most relentless friends, on the 18th
of September last, and with that view
ordered a new pair of black trousers.
On the morning of the 18th of that
month his new trousers came home from
the shop, and he tried them on. They
proved to be an inch too long, and he
instantly took them back to the tailor.
To his dismay he learned that the tailor
was absent, and would not return until
the next day, whereupOn he took the
trousers home, in a state of mind that
could be more easily described than i'm
agined, provided one knew exactly
what that state of mind was.
There were at that time in Mr..
Twitcherly's house, his wife, his moth
er, five of his own sisters, and three of
his sisters-in-law-both kinds of sisters
being young, unmarried ladies. They
were all shocked when Mr.. Twitcherly
announced, with all the epithets and in
teriections that the most liberal system
of morality could authorize, that his in
famous tailor had made his trousers
wholly impracticable. Little by little
his affectiOnate relatives drew from him
the full story of his wrongs, and they
| were Overf1Owing with sympathy when
he left them to 90 to his business, re-
marking that as it would be out of taste
for him to attend a wedding without
trousers, it would be impossible for him
to act as groOmsman.
No sooner had he closed the door than
his affectionate wife stole quietly into
his room, cut off what her liberal femi-
nine imagination regarded as an inch
from the bottom of his trOusers-legs,
and sewed them up again with much
neatness. 1t took her only a few min
utes to achieve this labor of love, and
she felt that she had done nothing more
! than it was her duty to do as a faithful
and devoted wife.
A little later it occurred to Mr.. Twitch-
| erly's mother that she would just run
up stairs and shorten her sons trousers.
Like her daughter-in-law, there was
nothing mean about her conception of
an inch, and when her charitable work
was done the trousers were fully -four
inches shorter than when they left the
tailor's shop.
! After the mother came the sisters and
the sisters-in-law. One by one and II
the utmost secrecy they attacked the un
fortunate garment with a bOldness that
| in view of their utter want of practica
acquaintance with trousers, was really
remarkable. Each was determined t
give Mr.. Twitcherly an agreeable sur
prise, and therefore took great care tina
no one should know of her sartOrial de
vOtion. Five sisters and three sisters
in-law are eight female relatives. Al
lotting only one inch of trousers to each
we may assume that their united effort!
shortened the trousers eight inches, t.
| which must be added the inches previ
ously cut by Mrs. Twitcherly and by
Mr.. Twitcherly's mother. There is no
the least doubt that had the owner O
these trousers examined them when hC
returned home on the evening of the 17tl
of August he would have been very mucl
surprised indeed.
It so happened that he did not ex
anime them. The tailor had uneXpect
edly returned, and to him Mr.. Twitch
erly hastily sent the trousers with not'
expressing the opinion that, in point o
intelligence, he was inferior to the brute
that perish, and ordering him to in
stantly cut an inch from each trOuser
leg. The tailor was a quick-tempereC
man, and after informing his assistan
that Mr. Twitcherly was a combined
idiot and maniac, besides being weak
minded, he obeyed the order, and sen
the remnant of the trousers home. Th,
next evening, about half an hour befOr,
the wedding was to take place, tht
Twitcherly's household was Mortified t.
see Mr.. Twitcherly rushing into tn
street, dressed apparently in a shOr
pair of black % trunks" and hOwlin!
for blood. He has not since been seen
but the body of the tailor, who had ap
parently died from an apOplectic stroke
was found the next day stretched by tn
side of his cold and useless g goose.''
This anecdote is but one of man
which Illustrate the suffering wrough
, by affectionate friends. Let us hop
that it may do its part in Strengthening
us to endure our friends, no matter hoy
many and how affectionate they may be
-Ne1U York Times.
.