Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-06-12

me forget it."
Two men started out on a wager to
see which could tell the biggest lie.
No. commenced: 50 wealthy coun-
try editor" whereupon No. 2
stopped him right there and paid the
| forfeit.
Now the winds that softly breathe,
and the flowers that garlands wreathe.
a gentle hint of summer in the mind
implants; and so do the beetles and the
spiders and the aunts.- Workers Gazette.
There is boy in Kankakee so ex-
ceeding bright that his mothers is OBJ
liged to use a piece of smoked glass
when she looks at Chicago Aduer-
tiser.
If Ben Franklin were to walk into
Philadelphia now, with his loaf of
bread under his arm, he would be Jug
ged with the rest of the tramps.-
Meridian Recorder.
President Hayes thinks his veto shows
bravery, and now he says ''None but
the brave deserve an invitation to the
agricultural fair.-DetrOit Free Press.
There is certain kind of promi-
described like wart on
mans nose, for instance.-NeaU Haven
Register.
A Jersey City man was recently ar
rested for smacking his wife across the
nose with a red and yellow worsted
motto bearing the words, "Home, Sweet
Home."-EG.
Jay Gould is credited with, the remark
that if he started road from nowhere
to nowhere he could place the bonds in
a week, and the sales on change bear
the remark out.
A San Francisco clothing dealer is
said to have, in good faith, offered Law
renee Barrett 800 night when play
ing Hamlet" in that city, if he would,
after uttering the words customary
suits of solemn black" add "the kind
they sell at - for $24. -IndiaraapoIts
Meas.
New York has Georgia peaches al
ready. Buffalo wants no peaches from
that rebellious and hopelessly demo-
cratic state. Buffalo can wait. And
beside, they are poor little, wormy,
scrawny things, that are not fit for any
body to eat, anyhow.-Bufalo Express.
The Dutch word for insurance COM
pany is nverzekeringmaatschappy.
There are many people who would call
the insurance companies by worse
names than this if they could only in
vent them.
A man has been sent to prison in
London for practicing little gambling
device not unknown at church fairs
that of twirling an index on sort of
"wheel of fortune" for halfpence,
There is something curious about
keyhole. A man can always find it in
the dark, when he is going out, and never
can discover it by moonlight when he is
going in-NeaU London Telegram.
1t was disagreeable to find ones sha-
wing brush connected with the blacking
box, but who could chide tired wife
with black streak meandering down
her little nose?-New York Commercial
Advertiser.
There is at least one thing which no
one ever saw, and that is the facial gy-
ration a man makes when he is feeling
for something in the dark and doesn't
know at what moment he is going to
collide with half-open door, Uncle
| Sam.
A CITIZEN of Portsmouth, n H., who
is popularity supposed to be connected
with two or three secret societies, was
lately called upon to preside over a
church business meeting, and unwit-
tingly astonished some of the brethren
in putting a vote by saying: "All in fa-
vor please manifest it by the voting
sign of the order"
Eve was the first and we reckon the
only woman who did not gather up her
| dress in both hands and yell at the sight
of a snake.-Oho1ca ( Kan. } Republican.
An ambitious young clerk in whole
| sale grocery establishment resolves to
enter the civil service, and so presents
himself before the examiners. One of
the questions is, What is coffee, and
where does it come 'FRONT.'" 20, come
now, you know" said the candidate;
II can't give away the boss-allow me
to plead privilege. That's profession
al secret"
A Quakeress, Jealous of her husband,
watched his movements, and actually
one morning discovered the truant kiss
ing and hugging the servant girl. Broad
brim was not long in discovering the
face of his wife, as she peeped through
the half-open door, and rising with all
the GOODNESS of a general, thus addressed
her: "Betsey, thee had better quit
peeping, or else thee will cause a dis
turbance in the family"
Some poetical paterfamilias thus de-
scribes the trials of a family man:
| When bed time comes and curtains fall,
| And round 1 go the doors 10 lock,
Ere lamps 90 out my wife doth call,
Remember, DEAR to wind the clock
| When boots are off and for the day
All irkSome cares seem put TO rout,
l hear wife'S voice from dreaml and say,
! g Be sure you put the kitten out"
| When stretched between the sheets lie,
| And heavy lids have ceased to wink,
From trunde bed hear cry,
! I" want dwink, want a dwink."
A Nihilist Outrage.
| A Pucciop M nrohaDt haG hnpn thp