New Ulm weekly review., 1879-10-22
NEW UIM REVIEW, WEDNEDAY. OCTOBER g, 1879.
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
TIL board Of education-the black.
board.
I AFLoATING debt is certain IN time
to sink any enterprise.
IF man really wants to know o1
how little Importance he is, let him 20
with his wife to the dressmaker's.
IT is easier for q rich man to 20
through needless sigh than to sign a
subscription paper for new church.
An old adage says: :. Love levels
all" So does tanglefoot whisky, il
taken in sufficient quantity. Rome
Sentinel.
The London Lancet advises young
men to step up and take their lime
juice, aad let alcohol severely alone in
hot weather.
GIVE the devil his due,'' said a
flighty orator. Then up rose back
woodsman and said, :. He will take his
due; don't you be afeard.''
A GREAT many men look at them
selves through the little end of the
worlds opera-glass, while the world
looks at them through the big end.
If every one who's played the fool
How many people would be left
-,SteubenviNe Herald.
IT has been discovered that the young
men are more bashful in summer than
in winter. You can't get some chaps
within fifty feet of a girl during the ice.
cream season.
ALL the axes and bucksaws found in
the ruins of Pompeii are of light make,
as if constructed for women's use.
Those old ancients knew their little
business. ss.-EGchange.
AN old proverb says: "Better 20
supperless to bed than run in debit If
a man goes to bed without his supper,
and runs in debt both, it does not say
what he had better do.-M. O. Rca-
ystase.
The Sultan, brings in large mass Of
papers to the Khedive. "My dear
Khedive, it is absolutely necessary that
you should learn to pay your debts.
Here are some of mine upon which you
can try your hand. .'-Charivari.
The friends of the Rev. DIR. John
Cumming, the Second Advent preacher,
in London, want the public to contrib
ute fund large enough for him to re-
tire on an annuity of from fifteen hum
dred to twenty-five hundred dollars.
On hearing of the Emperor of Ger
many's tumbles on the polished floor of
his room, an old lady employed in
making shoes with cloth soles wrote
him letter recommending her manu-
facture, and got gracious permission
to send pair.
THE new apartment house recently
built in New York for bachelors has
plenty of closet room, which seems to
be waste. What does a man want of
closets so long as he does not have a
wife to forbid his keeping things in the
middle of the floor.
ONE Sabbath afternoon O worthy
minister, observing by the time he had
reached the third :" head'' of his dis
course the drowsy disposition of sew
eral of his hearers, quietly remarked:
I'm the third place, those of you who
are awake will notice. etc.
A LIsP1NG boy was out in the back
yard pounding on a tin pan. The fa-
thcr came in tired and sullen, and be-
ing disturbed by the noise, cried out:
"What is turned loose in the back
yard, a wild animal?" The little fellow
replied: ''Yeth, thir, it's pan thir.''
'.SMoKE in any room you please
said she. This was three months be.
fore marriage. ''You've been smok.
ing that nasty, disgusting old pipe in
here again, and 1 declare if the room
doesn't smell loud enough to knock a
person down." said she, holding her
nose. This was six months after mar
riage.-NoarSstos0n Herald.
AN old farmer intent on making his
will was asked by the lawyer the name
of his wife, when he gravely replied:
"Well, indeed, really don't recollect
what it is; we've been married for up
ward of forty years, and always called
hor my old woman The lawyer left
blank, to be filled up when his old
woman's name was ascertained.,
AN English resident of San Francisco
excused himself for keeping his store
open on the glorious Fourth by remark
ing to a patriot, who was remonstrat-
ing with him: "Oh, hang it, ye know,
did not have to wait for the fourth Of
any beastly month to get my independ-
ence, you know. Never was q slave,
in fact, or anything of that sort, you
know. Pleasant day, tho, isn't it?''
The surgeon had prescribed a bath
for soldier who was a little ailing,
and ordered that he be conducted to an
adjoining establishment by Sergeant.
At the end of an hours waiting at the
bathroom door, the Sergeant, hearing
no noise, entered the room and found
the soldier seated by the side of the
bath-tub. The water was as it was
when the soldier went into the room.
except that its level had been percepti-
bly, lowered. ''Ma toi, Sergeant" said
the soldier, ..you may put me in the
guardhouse if you want to, but I can't
drink another drop?' French Nesvs.
paper.
A BOSTON boy, recently returned
from the West, tells of restaurant
experience that befell him out beyond
the Mississippi. The waiter had
brought him something which did not
come up to his expectations. He called
the waiter and complained. The
waiter said he would speak to the pro-
prietor, who soon appeared upon the
scene. II can't eat this" said the
guest. The landlord looked at the
plate, and then, turning to the young
man in patronizing and sympathiz-
ing sort of way, said: "Well, 1
wouldn't" and with that he strobe
away. But the meal, though left un-
eaten, had to be paid for just the same.
j.