Gloucester County Democrat., 1879-02-11
gnnrorons.

EXSt<%~S-S - 1FF<e
Which is the longest word in the
English language? Smiles, because
there is a mile between the first and last
letters.
-"Well,n said an old bachelor,
when he found basketful of baby on
his front steps, ''some men are born
babies, some achieve babies, and some
have babies thrust upon them"
WORKING UP TO THE CLIMAx.--A
Boston young man married against the
wishes of his parents, and in telling a
friend how to break the news to them,
said: "Tell them first that Pm dead,
and gently work up to the climax'
-'tIf the gentleman who keeps the
shoe shop with the red head VIII return
the umbrella of a young lady with
whalebone ribs and an iron handle to
the slate-roofed grocer's shop, he will
hear Of something to his advantage
-"Second class in grammar stand
up, said the school-master. ''John is
who does John correspond with ?u
''I know,'' said the little boy at the
foot, holding up his hand. eff you
mean John Smithers, he corresponds
with my sister Susan.''
-"Did you ever," asked brother
humorist of Josh Billings, "stand at
the hall door after your lecture and
listen to what the people said about it
as they passed out?" Replied Josh:
II did--once Ia pause and sigh) but
I'll never do it again. Gin. Sat.
Night.
A muffled man to Windsor bound
cries, ''Boatman, do not tarry; and I'll
give thee silver pound to row me DER
the ferry.'' ''Now, who be ye would
cross this stream when it is past II?
To launch my craft would not dream;
the boats lay up at To "Throw off
that rope,n cried out the man, as he
buttoned his protector, and be as lively
as you can (whispering)-I'm Chicago
bank director" F'Now, that remark
your sense displays; I'll row you over,
sonny; not so much for your winsome
ways, as for your bag of money" With
ice the boat gets many shock, and
each calls forth Invective-there now
appears on the ferry dock two men and
a detective. "Come back, come back, y
they cry in grief, in accents sweet as
honey, "and we'll forgive that flying
thief. Our money! oh, our money!''
But lookl he lands on yonder shore;
there was nothing to prevent him; and
they shall see him never more, though
they always will lament him.-Free
Press.
Coming down on the car the other
morning they got to talking about their
coal stoves, and one man said:
''Well, don't want to brag, but l
think I've got the boss stove. So far
this winter haven't burned but three
tons Of coal, and the stove has kept
three rooms warm"
''You must have a poor stoye," re-
marked thesecond. Il haven't burned
but two tons of coal yet, and my stove
heats parlor, dining-room, two bed
rooms and hall.''
"Well, when you come to stoves,'
quietly remarked the third, claim to
have the best coal stove in Detroit. l
have burned but a ton and half of
coal, so far, and we have to keep all the
hampers shut and back door open all
the tine.o
Some men looked out of the windows
and some down at the straw, and no
one seemed to doubt any of the asser-
tlons. At length heavy sigh was
heard from the rear end of the car, and
a clerical-looking man arose and said:
Gentlemen, there goes fire alarm.
1t strikes the box in front of my house.
I have no doubt that my residence is at
this moment in flames and the lives of
my family in peril. 1t is all owing to
my coal stove. | set up the stove last
November and put in one peck of coal.
Every room has been SO hot ever since
that the base-boards have warped off,
and we finally had to move down into |
the basement. This morning the water
in all the pipes in the house was boiling,
the shingles on the roof hot, and just |
hired four men to form snow-bank |
around the stove. Too late-alas, too |
latel That stove has accomplished it's
fiendIsh purpose, and no longer have
home. 1t may not, however, be too
late to save the baby. Goodbye, gen.
tlemen.'
He opened the door and got off the
car, and not passenger spoke again
for four blocks, Free Press.