The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1879-04-04
WIT, HUMOR AND SENTIMENT.

A gentleman in one of the interior
towns is sc much opposed to capital
punishment, that he refuses to hang his
gate.
"I say" cried a fashionable youth to
an old usurer, ''the ready is needful. u
YES" cried the other, shut the need
full isn't ready"
Swift said the reason why a certain
University was a learned place was,
that most persons took some learning
with them, while few brought any
away-so it accumulated.
A gentleman down east, seeing his
pretty maid with his wife's bonnet ON,
kissed her, s~upposing her to be the
''real one.n He discovered his error
through the assistance of his wife.
A benedict, on being asked whether
he was seriously injured when a steam
boiler exploded, replied, ''that he was
so used to being blown up by his wife,
that mere steam had no effect on him.
"You bachelors ought to be taxed"
said a lady to a resolute evader of the
noose matrimonial. II agree with you
perfectly, ma'am," was the reply, ''for
bacheiorism certainly is a ~luruwy."
A man being asked by his neighbor
how his wife did, made this answer
''Indeed. neighbor, this case is pitiful;
my wife fears she will die, and 1 fear
she will not-which makes a desolate
house."
An unmarried lady, on the wintery
side of fifty, hearing of the marriage of
a young lady, her friend, observed with
a deep and sentimental sigh. "Well, l
suppose it is what we all must come
tor
The following is a copy of an adver-
tisement in a country paper: "Made
their escape, a husbands affections.
They disappeared Immediately on see
ing his wife with her hands and face
unwashed at breakfast"
"See here, friend, you are drunk"
Drunk? To be sure 1 am, and have
been these three years. You see, my
brother and 1 are on a temperance mis-
sion. He lectures, while l serve as a
frightful example!''
A native of the Emerald Isle was
asked the other day, how he could tell
when a man was drunk. Faith" an
swered Pat, ''I'd never be after saying
a man was drunk at all, without / saw
him try to light his pipe at a pump"
"Wifel why in the name of goodness
did you not make the washerwoman put
starch in my shirt collar?n why, my
DEAR" said the wife, 81 thought it a
useless waste of the article, for l can
get your choler up so easy without it."
a preacher being requested to per-
form the last sad office for a young wo-
man at the point of death, pressed her
to believe that flesh and blood could not
enter the kingdom of heaven. 81 am
SAFE" said she, 81 am nothing but skin
and bone"
A lawyer, not over young o hand
some, examining a young lady witness
in court, determined to perplex her,
and said: Miss, upon my word, you
are very prettyI" The young lady very
promptly: 81 would return the COM
pliment, sir, if 1 were not ON OATH"
An Irishwoman called at her grocer's
the other day and asked for a quart of
vinegar. 1t was measured ont, and
she put it in a gallon jug. She then
asked for another quart to put in the
same vessel. "And why not ask for a
half gallon, and have done with it?"
impatiently asked the grocer, "Och'l
bless your little soul, isn't it for two
that 1 want it?"
81 say, old boy" cried Paul Pry, to
an excavator in North Shields whom
he espied at the bottom of a yawning
gulf, "what are you digging there?"
"a big hole" the old boy replied. Paul
was not to be put off in this fashion.
"What are you going to do with the
hole?" 'sGoing to cut it into small
| holes" replied the old boy, land retail
| them to farmers for gate posts"