The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-10-01
AL SORTS.
A bachelors house should have no Eve

n DacutiUF . mouse SHOutu HafC uU l1sOS'
Husbands never meet their wives with
'smiles'' on their lips; they wipe them OH
before they get home.
Courtship is emigration, going to ever
lasting bliss. MatrimoDy is immigration,
coming TO never-ending woe.
When spinster remarked that old
bachelors should be fined one of that sort
| replied, Yes, Injuries should be taxed"
Women continues enigmatical. When
she gets hot she runs at her husband s
nose. but when she gets cold she runs at
her own.
Girls" shrieks an exchange. don t
marry man to save him!" Well, if
they don't marry man, whom will they
marry.
Gentleman; I say, waiter. I've just
now cracked this egg; look at il
Waiter Don't lock very nice at that end,
try the other.
The man who doseu't want his wife, who
has registered, to vote at the school meet
ing, now wonders which is the best place
to hide her new bonnet.
| A German poet says a young girl is a
| ishing-rod; the eyes are the hook, the
smile the bait, the lover the gudgeon, and
the marriage the butter in which he is
fried
| Many a women dusts billiard chalk of
her husbands coat, and big tear stands
in her eye as she thinks how late he works
nights at his desk by the whitewashed
wall.
An inquisitive young lady asks: Nv hat
is the most popular color for the bride z
The New York Star answers: Ii we were
going to marry we S hould prefer white
one.
They say I snore Did you hear me
last night at the hotel in the room opposite
yours, asked be. Hear you." exclaime d
the casual acquaintance; mot only that,
could feel you'll
Tom" said girl to her sweetheart.
you have been paying you distresses t
me long enough. 1t is time you made
known your contentious, so as not to keel
me in expense any longer"
| A young man sent twenty-five cents to
. New York firm for the purpose of learn
. ing "how to get along without blotter il
writing" and received this reply: Writ
with a lead pencil.
Bridget Ito a caller: will you kap
still mint while look at ye? No, misse
} hain't to home. She told me if a woman
come with wart on tho ind ~ red nose
to say she wasn't to home, an there's q
mistakin' that wart,
This is sad commentary on the boast
] ed civilization and Christianity of our age.
despondently murmured tramp when b
discovered that the ham he had discovere
that the han he had stolen at twiligh
from the front of q grocer's was a woode
one.
A rare and enormous orang outang,
widower, is the most interesting arrival a
Paris. His wife died soon after they wer
caught in Borneo, and all his affection
now concentrated on their son. The fathe
is described as the persouifcation of melan
: choly.
A llolyoke MASS J widower, whose wifi
is buried in Wiliimantlc. went there TIL
other day TO mourn over the grave, bu
meeting an old friend uear the spot fel
into conversation. and returned HON,
without looking at the grave 1t was no
until several days later thai he recoliectet
his object in the visit. Then be imme
diately FASTENED back to Wiiima ntie ant
did the business.
The Archduchess Maria Christina
future queen OF Spain, aged 81, possesses
exceedingly pleasant manners, and il
about the middle height, slender and fair
with dark brown hair and large blue eyes
She is capital linguist, speaking French
; Italian. Spanish, English and German ad
mirably. The Spaniards are crowding te
Arcachon. where she is staying, to Obtain
a glimpse of their future queen.
When man awakes to the realizing
sense that he is for the first time a father
his breast heaves With emotion, ard hi
rushes down town in haste 20 be coagra
, Inflated; but 10 after years. whep it be
, comes an old story. and the seventh infau
cuddles down in its swaddIing clothes, his
emotional breast doesn't heave, and with
a pocket-book as thin as card. board, and
J a depressed bearing. he hurries to hi:
| business, forgetting to say anything even
to his confidential friend uponit
Mr.. Labouchere tells g good story Of
Lord Lyons the bachelor minister of Great
Britain at Washington during the presi-
J deucy of Mr.. Lincoln. On the birth Of
|. Prince Albert Victor of Wales his lordshir
called OF the president to announce the
auspicious event. Liucolr listened rather
abstractediy to the official statement and
was so rude as to glance at some papers
ibefore him as though he had business of a
more pressing kind on hand. Wheg
Lord Lyons had left off speaking 'Old
Abe looked up as if starting out of a
Idoze. chueked the English minister under
the ribs and exclaimed go thou and do
likewise. The disgust of Lord Lyons
was unutterabIe