Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-12-19
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

said l. "And lobster salad and fried
oysters! Upon my word, this looks as if
we were going to have company"
80 we are, my DEAR" said my wife,
cooking little guilty, as she polished
up the surface of the big silver tea-tray
with new channels leather. They
are all come to visit me-Uncle Silas
and Aunt Melicent, and the children,
Wilmerdipgs, and my Aunt Louisa, to
meet the Rev. Mr.. Speakwell, from
Minnesota, who married my second
cousin, Jerusha Wilde. Mr.. Speakwell
is troubled With the catarrh, and he
thinks ofstaying at our house for few
weeks, while he is being treated by DR..
Dosem.
/ put down my linen buster and
brown-paper parcels with some en-
phasis.
ooh, conround the Rev. Mr.. Speak
9ellw SAID l.
"John!" calculated my wife.
We'll, my dear, can't help i" said
!. cts not in human nature to en-
dure everything. And I've been re-
lationed out of all patience eyer since
our marriage. The Jenkinses went
away last week, the Birdsall's took an
afiectionate leave yesterday, and now,
Just as | was contemplating a peaceful
evening by ourselves, here's a new
swarm, hungrier than the rest, just
about to settle down upon us! In my
opinion, Kitty. my dear, relations should
be abolished"
Il am surprised at you, john" said
my wife. "My own people, that are so
fond of me"
"There's where you are mistaken, my
DEAR" said L. cts your comfortable
spring beds and good cookery that they
are fond of, not you"
"John!"
''I'd be willing to wager good round
sum on the truth Of my assertion" said
Because you have no relations your
self"
"Thapk Providence for that" said /,
devoutly. II was reared i'll founding
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself tor my tolerable success in this
world"
Its no reason you should find fault
with mine" said Kitty, with her bright
blue eyes full oftears. And Mr.. Speak
we'll is such spiritually minded man,
and dear Uncle Slas loves you just rs
ii YOU were his only son, and Cousin
Joab is so interested in our children.
pm much obliged 10 en-" said /,
dryly. But slept all last week on
soft cushions land in the bath tub and
we had fourteen people here over the
anniversaries; and was obliged to give
up my room for month last winter TO
old Mr.. Mansewell, not to speak Of our
being half poisoned with Aunt Loulsa's
hygeian messes in the fall. When the
poet said, There's no place like home,'
presume he meant when there were
no relations visiting. I'll tell you what,
my dear" with the sudden inspiration,
i've great mind formally to deed
over this house to your relations, ifthey
will agree solemnly to leave me in
peace for the rest of my life, whereso.
ever l may set up my family tents"
"Nonsense!" said my wife. "Do go
up stairs and change your things, and
brush your hair, and get ready for tea.
They're all waiting in the best parlor,
and | was expecting your return to see
about hiring some cot beds from the
village hotel, to put up in the attic for
those little Speakwel children. You
see, Aunt Louisa has the blue bedroom,
and Cousin Joab sleeps in the little wing
chamber, and Mr.. and Mrs. Speakwe!l
will have our room, and"
Indeed" said l. And We are to
sleep in the barn, suppose"
Don't be cross, John, said my wife,
appealingly. Zone must be hospitable,
YOU know. And | can easily make up
the sofa.bed in the back parlor for our
use, for week or So"
said nothing, but ground my teeth
in silent despair, as | sprang up stairs
two steps al time, to make what
changes could in my toilet by the aid
OF ten by twelve glass hung over the
wash-stand of stufiy little bathroom.
The Rev. Mr.. Speakwell was big
man, with still bigger voice, and a
limp, faded little wife, whose sole earth
Nv interests seemed centered in her four
white-eyed. freckle-faced children. Un-
Gle Sllas and Aunt Melicent we're sileut
couple, with excellent appetites, and
two small boys who giggled and snick-
cred at each other in the intervals OF
the conversation.
Cousin Joab talked necessarily with
his mouth full, and the Two Miss Will
merdings served as general echoes TO
the rest; white Aunt Louisa deyoured
lobster salad ad libitum, and kept on
sending up her cup for more green tea
until | trembled for her nerves.
While my wife, careful and troubled,
like Martha Of old, with many things,
looked ready to drop with the hospita-
bic exertions she had made, and !, sit
ting mere cipher at the head OF my
table, felt az if was keeping q board
ing house without any OF the pecuniary
emoluments therefrom.
my trunks will be up in the o'clock
train said the Rev. Mr.. Speakwell;
"I'll trouble you, Cousin Poyntz, TO