The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-09-26
Scissors and Paste.

| 1t is strangely singular how the boy
with new pair of suspenders hates te
wear a coat.
The only place where the bald heads dc
| not struggle for the front seats is in the
Indian country.
"Keep advice until man asks for it, >
says an exchange. Don't do it; it would
probably spoil.
A man may make money picking up
chips if. he has good hands and under
stands how to cheat at poker.
The Ho,0keye describes a shingle wed.
ding as occurring when the first child is
old enough to spank.
Now we've got good one: Kerosene
oil will fuddle as well as whisky. Any
| how it makes locomotives headlight.
The height of ingenuity-To make a
itcontains only six peaches.
Snif1es can't see barn door three feet
distant since he heard that near-sighted
people were always intellectual.
Professor C.-"Mr. -, what will be
the effect if hold piece of calcite in
the blowpipe flame" I" Student-"It will
get hot"
Snodgrass has the fault of abruptness.
He says if you doubt whether to kiss a
pretty girl, give her the benefit of the
doubt, and sail in.
An English philosopher says that lazi-
ness begets fat, and that nobody ever saw
a real live, ambitious man who was bur-
dened with too much flesh.
1t may not be generally known that
there is sure remedy for the toothache
by taking into the palm of the hand q
certain root-to wit, the root of the aching
tooth.
1t is when his wife hands him brand
new napkin, that has never had the
starch washed out of it, that the newly
married man thinks how much better he
could clean his face with yard or two of
floor oilcloth.
"What does 12mo mean?" asked pupil
of his teacher few days since. "12mo !;
why don't you know what that means? II
means the same as d&weow12t Haven't
you seen it in advertisements in a news
paper?"
"What we want now" commenced a
confused and timid speaker at a meeting
of a debating society, "is-is-not-not 80
much what we don't want as that which
we most require" His hearers agreed
with him.
A Niagara hackman drew $15, 900 in
lottery recently. He said it was almost
as profitable as getting passenger to
ride four blocks.
Residents of Leadville speak proudly
of the oldest and best families of that
place.
s'You always exaggerate. did not
ask you not to drink. I only ask you
not to put water in what's left; for,
really, it isn't fair that you should drink
rum pure, and that should drink rum
and water"
''I know where there is another arm
just as pretty as this one" said q young
fellow to his sweetheart, as he pinched
her fair arm the other evening. The
storm that gathered upon the lady's
brow as quickly passed away when the
young man pinched the other arm and
said, 1T is this one, dear"
M. Gambetta has just received q re-
markable gift-a portrait of his mother
embroidered in silk on crimson velvet.
The work, which was executed by
Mile. Giraud, a young lady of Marseilles,
is said to be excellent in its minuteness
and in its artistic and life-like appear
ance.
There is not much nourishment in but
termilk, but the presence of the lactic
acid assists the digestion of any food
taken with it. The Welsh peasants al
most live on oat-cake and buttermilk.
Invalids who are suffering from indiges-
tion would do well to drink buttermilk
at meal time.
A young man dressed in the height of
fashion, and with poetic turn of mind,
was driving along country road, and,
upon gazing at the pond which skirted
the highway, said, "Oh, how would like
to lave my heated head in those cooling
waters!" An Irishman, overhearing the
dad, you might lave it there and it would
not sink"