Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-11-07

make the most of life when they make i
rs wretched as possible. Luttrell was
once asked if an acquaintance Of his wa'
not very disaGreeable. "Well, was the
reply, ''he Is always as disagreeable 4:
the circumstances will permit.
Douglas Jerrold could say pithy, wist
thing, as well MS witty one. When he
recovered from very serious illness he
wrote to Il friend, aye, sir it was n run
away knock ut Deaths door, | can assure
you"
When some people are Boosting Of then
ancestry We are reminded of the story oi
Jcrrold. A man told him that he was
descended from Cardinal Wolsey. Car
dinal Wolsey ?" was the sharp reply, my
dear sir, You must mean Linsey Wool
sey."
De Quincy very Witty inverts the or
der of crimes. He saws: III once Il
man INDUCES himself in murder he very
soon comes to think little of robbery
and from robbery he Comes next to drink
ing and Sabbath breaking, and there is
but one step from that to incivility and
procrastination. Once begin upon 1.-THE
downward path. You never know when
You will stop. Many man has dated his
ruin from some murder or other that per
haps he thought little Of at the time
A Leadville jury last week, b coming
Disguised with the ''sass" administered to
themselves as well as to the lawyers and
witnesses by the Judge, ordered the sher-
i'll to lock the latter up for IL couple of
weeks, lust to take some of the style
out of him, ms the foreman expressed it.
And, to His Honor's great evaporation,
he WAS incOntinently logged OFF to jail,
and is now in durance vile, while the case
is going quietly ON with the most popular
barkeeper i'll town occupying the judicial
chair.
A colored man appeared before IL mag
istrate, charged with some trivial offence.
The latter said to the man : You can
go now but let me warn You never to
appear here again" The man replied
with broad grin Il wouldn't he here
dis time only the constable fotch me-.
Henry Warl Beecher having tasted
lager beer and pronounced it good, a Tor
onto brewery has kindly filled the Brook
lyn preachers cellar with /. brand of the
article, This is all well enough, but We
are sorry to hear that the deacons' meet
ings at Mr.. BeGcher's house are better
Of late than they were II few
months ago on city Dcrrich.
Now comes Johnny i'll from school with,
1--WE got TO have new slate and IL pencil,
and sponge, and second reader, and
teacher wants me To- study geography and
I'll have to have an atlas, and the new
boy got IL lickin, and say ma, won't you
ask pa to buy the books this noon be
cause I'm i'll hurry, and all the rest OF
the boys have got their'n."
One Of the ancient English nobility
had these words inscribed over this castle
gate They are worth copying for our
own use They say. What do they
sny7 Let them say.
A bore once said to Jerrold, i'll n com
pany which WIS discussing the merits of
certain piece Of music. That song, sir,
" turned to his friends and asked, viii
some one kindly sing it?'
This story could not he called II mlsiit
if nine ont of ten of us should try it on.
How ARE you this morning. said Faw
rett to Cooke Not at all myself, was
the lugubrious reply. Then. RESPOND
ad Fawcett, with II meaning twinkle III his
eye. ''allow me to congratulate YOU.
The 'hardly ever" of "Pinaforc" is GER
tainly plagiarism 1t is taken from the
story of IN ccclesiastic who was confused
by the honor of preaching before Louis
XIV. During his discourse he hal occ,l-
SION to say, I'VE must all die. Then,
.atchmg breath, he turned i'll II compli-
nentarv way to Louis and added, Near /
y all Of us.
A Parisinn flower dealer recently said !
la one of his customers, to whom he ex-
nbited pot with Il green stem in 1t,
Monsieur, that pot contains II very cN-
flower, which has just been /
,ent to me from Cnchm China" The /
looked mt 1t gruVely for Il few I
seconds and then remarked, "Ah, indeed /,
put | have understood that it never bios |
IONS" Newer blossoms - WAS the re-
by. That's 1t exactly. Ii 1t ever bios /
omcd, don't You see, 1t wouldn't he a |
cry extraordinary flower -
4 father never thinks his ten-ycar-old /
on is stronger than IL horse until he en- |
,loys him To turn the grindstonet To sharp |
m nm old axe that is about as sharp Mt one |
nd rs at the other The old man bears |
III until the lnd's eyes hang ont and his .
buckle ilics oil, and Just before
10 bursts IL hlood-vcsscl his father en-
ouragcs him with the remark, "Ducs it .
turn hard?' Thousands of boys have
un away from home and bccom" pirates
nd grecnhackrrs in order t. escape II
ccond siege at the rrinlstnnc. NrrriS
D,rH Htrdid
\ new sentimental song is entitled