Weekly Trinity journal., 1879-11-08
TRIALS OF AN ART CRITIC.

Your charge against Mr.. Barker, the
artist here, said the magistrate, lis as
sault and battery, believe p
Yes, sir
And your name is
Potts. l am art critic of the Weekly
Spy
State your case
Il called at Mr.. Barker's studio upon
his invitation to see his great picture
just finished, of George Washington
cutting down the cherry tree with his
hatchet.' Mr.. Barker was expecting to
sell it to Congress tor $4,000. He asked
me what l thought of it, and after l
pointed out his mistake of making the
handle OF the hstchet twice as thick as
the tree, and in turning the head Of the
Ratchet around so that George was cut.
ting the tree down with the hammer end, l
asked him why he fore shortened George s
leg, so as to make 1t look as if his left
foot was on the top of the mountain on
the other side of the river
Did Mr.. Barker take it kindly p ask
ed the Justice.
We'll, he looked little glLm, that's
all. And then when asked him why he
T put guinea pig up in the tree with horns,
he said it was not d guinea pig, but a COW
and that it was not in the tree, but in the
background. Then l said that if l had
been painting George Washington l
should not have given him the cnmplex
ion of a salmon brick should not have
given him two thumbs on one hand, and
| should have tried not to slew his right
eye around the back OF his head to his left
ear. And Barker said: 'Ob, wouldn't
you 2 Sarcastic, your honor. And |
said no, | wouldn't, and L wouldn't have
painted oak leaves on cherry tree,
and ! wouldn't have left the specta-
tor in doubt as to whether the figure off
by the woods was factory chimney, or
steamboat, or George Washington's
father taking smoke,
Which of the three was it p asked the
magistrate.
L don't know. Nobody will ever
know. SO Barker asked me what |
thought he'd better do. And l told him
| thought his best chance was to abandon
the Washington idea and fix the thing up
somehow like the boy stood on the burn,
ing deck told him he might paint the
grass red to represent the flames and daub
over the tree SOS to look like the mast,
and pull Georges foot to this side of the
river SOS it would rest some on the burn.
ing deck and maybe he might recon
strGct that factory chimney, or whatever
it was, and make it the Captain, while he
could arrange the guinea pig so us to do
for the Captain S dog"
Did he agree p
He said the idea didn't strike him. So
then suggested that he might turn it
into Columbus discovering America. -
Lot George stand for Columbus, and the
tree be turned into native, and the
hatchet made TO answer for flag, while
the mountains in the back ground would
answer for the rolling billows Of tho ocean
He said he be hanged if he should So
| mentioned that it might, perhaps, pass
for the execution of Mary, Queen of
Scots. Put George in black for the heads
man, bend over the tree and put frock
on it for Mary, let the hatchet stand, and
work in the guinea pig and factory as
mourners. But Barker said there would
be somebody worse hurt than Mary,
Queen of Sco,s, if | kept on
Didn't like it, hey p
L s'pose not. And l said that while
did not want to force my advice upon
him, / would say, if my opinion was
asked, that the best hope of that picture
would be to make representation Of the
Deluge. Build an ark around George,
put a shirt on him and call him Noah,
crowd in other animals with the guinea
pig, let the factory chimney do for Mt
Ararat and the tree for the stovepipe pro-
jecting from the roof Of the ark. Just as
l got the words out Of my mouth, Barker
knocked me clean through the picture.
My head tore out Washing tons near leg
and my right leg carried away four miles
OF the river. We had it over and over on
the floor for awhile and finally Barker
whipped. am going to take law of him
in the interests Of justice and high art
So Barker was bound over and Mr..
Potts vert down to the office OF the SPY,
to write up his criticism.