Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-07-10
Wit and HumOr.


There is comfort for spinsters in Scrip
1ure, which tells them that Naomi was
nve hundred and eighty years old when
sue married. The veterans NAV still
hope. -
Weston will lecture. There is no usa
IN concealing this any longer. The
country might as we'll know the worst
Boston Globe.
The contented rustic: "Well, Peter.
your crops must be ruined by this un
timely rain?" "Yes your honor, but.
thank heaven so are my neighbors."
When young man goes to have his
rnustache colored it is very humiliating
to have the barber ask if he brought it
with hlm,-Neso Orleans Picayuas
Several notable happy marriages have
o zen made on two hours courtship, but
1t is pretty safe rule to know a girl for
at least three days and a picnic.-Detroit
Free Press.
When New Jersey musouito enters
mans sleeping-room his first impres-
sion Is that there is brass band under
his window, and that he is called on for
a speech Uncle Sam.
Swell-''I want to look at some neck
handkerchiefs, please" Shopman-
"Ah yes, yesl These will suit you for
spring wear. They are very genteel-
have a set myself" -Haryard Lampooa.
Ben Butler is trying to obtain the
Democratic nomination for Governor of
Massachusetts, and the Democrats are
looking over their almanacs to see if it
is Buffers year to be a Democrat
-Peck's San.
Says a sententious writer: "They are
never alone that are accompanied with
noble thoughts" Wonder if he is the
party that went off accompanied with
our Shakspeare.-BOstOn Transcript.
A parishioner of Berkshire pastor
was asked what the color of the parson',
eyes was. He didn't really knows
''for," he said, when he prays his eyes
are shut, when he breaches L gen
orally shut mine."
Why is it that boy OF ordinary mind
would prefer to go in his every day
clothes and sit on u muddy bank fish
ing all Sunday rather than to sit on
nice dry seat in Sabbath-school for an
hour dressed in his best bib and
tucker? Girls amt that way.-Steuben-
UuAe Herald,
Another Illustration of the ups and
downs of literary life. A new brand of
smoking tobacco appears with some
verses by Mr.. Longfellow printed on the
back of the package. 1t is not long since
poems from his pen were cheerfully
published by the best magazines.
Our little Sallie to heaven did 60.
b by life sweet is
She was afflicted with cesebro spinal meningitis
lis hard to lose our Sally so,
But the reflection sweet is.
That she is gone where there is no
More cere ORC spinal meningitis.
Christian at Work
When Benjamin Franklin was an
editor he was in the habit of writing to
the young ladies that sent in poetry,
saying IN honeyed language that owing
to the crowded state Of his columns,
etc., but he would endeavor to circulate
their productions IN manuscript. And
then he tied the poems to the tail of
Araminta was understood to be a
delicate eater "Pa," she would say,
"what is the use in my going to the re-
fectory?" She had been heard to MUIR
muir in her choicest grammar, zone
wing of the bird is all | can possibly
eat" Charles believed her to be
ethereal. The expense for food after
they should be wed, he felt, would be in
considerable. Itwould be embarrassing,
even, to meet the butcher. Would he
send his little order? He would dine in
the city, but Araminta, she might not
get even a wing. They were sitting in
the parlor together. The door was ajar.
1t was now past the regular dinner hour.
The folks were away. He had intended
going an hour before, but somehow he
fingered. A step on the stair without
and query: evil yer have your
corned beef and cabbage now or wait
till yer feller's gone?"-Boston advertiser
Didst ever meet the handshaking bore?
He called in the other day, happening
first in the press room. Seeing him
coming and knowing his pen
chant, the pressman prepared him
self for the ordeal by slyly smearing his
own hand with printers ink. The Wis
itor came on, all unconscious of his fate,
reached out his mandible and received a
pIt5oul6 dlc dl iii pI cSoiOu dI tuc SduIe
time. But alb, the artfulness of the fel-
low! He spoke not. he scowled not,
he made no sign. He simply walked
round the room and through the various
rooms, and with engaging impair TALLY
he shook the hand Of every one, editor
in-chief, 'local," the scissogs-man, the
foreman, the intelligent compositors,
proof-readeIs, devil and ali. He then
took his leave soberly and becomingly,
like one who retres from a funeral
service. And then there was rush for
washbasins.-Boston Transcript
A good story is told in Edinburgh
about that genial Grecian, Prof. Blackie.
One day, shortly before the close of the
late session, the professor being through
some cause prevented from featuring,
there was posted On the Greek class
room door notice to this effect: Pro-
fessor Blackie regrets he is unable to-
day to meet his classes" A waggish
student. spying this, scraped out the
initial letter of the last word of the SEN
tence, and made it appear as if the
professor was regretful at his inability
to meet those fair specimens of human
ity famifiary known outside the college
quadrangle as the ''lasses." But who
can joke with Blackie? The keen-eyed
old man noticing the prank that bad
been playeG on him quietly erased an