Daily Republican., 1879-04-03
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
PHYsIoGEoxY.-They wer- in rail
road car journeying to Chisago. o
the eppos its seat was man Of Com
manding figure, massive brow an
thoughtful expression.
whist . fine countenance, James ?
v ish knew his occupation.
Maybe he's q lawyer, Amelia"
"NO, he's not . lawyer. There's to-
much benevolence in that face for
lawyer"
"He may be banker"
"Not a bit OF 1t A man with such 1
heavenly expression couldn't cOnten
himself with money getting. His ain
in life is higher than that"
"Do you think he's an editor :"
can editor with such face! An ed
itor, saying hard things Of everybody,
ridiculing long dresses, and abusing
his mother-in-law An editor, cutting
and slashing his enemies, skinniDg
public men Unfortunately, and mer.
cilessly slaughtering his best friend for
the sake of a thrss-line paragraph
No, James, he's a philanthropist. He's
Christian minister. or learned pro-
fessor, spending his life for the good OF
mankind. His face plainly indicates
that he is all that is noble, pure and
true"
81 guess you are right, Amelia. I'll
take your word and the face for it,
At the next station all inquisitivs
farmer took a seat besid. the man
with a noble brow, and asked him about
his vocation. Amelia held her breath
ana listened to the reply. 1t was
this :
81 keep saloon and maat-shop My
wife sells beer, and | do my own butch
ering
A LITTER FOR MURrny.-The Harris
burg "Telsgrsph's new head probably
accounts for the accrediting OF the fol-
lowing dialogue to Columbia:
A little freckls-faoed ten-ysar old
school boy stopped at the post-ofiice, a,
Columbia, the other day and yelled
out:
Anything for any of tie Muir
phy's'"
"No, there is not"
"AnythinK for Jane Murphy"
"Nothing."
"Anything for Ann Murphy
"No."
Anything for Tom Murphy"
"No, sir, not Bit"
Anything for Terry Murphy"
"No, nor for Pat Murphy, nor Den
MS Murphy, Ior for Pet. Murphy, nor
Bridget Murphy, nor for any Murphy,
dead, living, unborn, native or foreign,
civilized or uncivili2ed, savage or bar
barian, male of female, black or white,
franchised or disfranch!sed, naturalized
Or otherwise. No, sir, there is posi-
lively nothing for any of the Murphys,
individually, jointly, Or severally, now
and forever, one and inseparable.'
The boy looked at the postmaster in
and said
"Please to look if there is any.lling
for my teacher, Clarence Murphy"
The DUrcHMAN's Doc -"You've lost
a dog. have you? Well, walk right
over to that pen in the corner; there
you will sec the host Of lost children,
and possibly the prodigal may he
found"
The German went over as directed
and after carefully scanning the Gagged
ours, returned and stated that he was
not there.
NO, sir he dond vas dhere, didn't
tink he vas dhere, by dis time he would
hafe had mere as a dozen fights init If
cry dog as vos dhere. You might took
4 dog up some odder time ao-, und
iond would like to have him killed; SC
if you would let me know 'boutl would
COME and got hot him. Fll tole you
vot kind of dog de- was: he vas she
dog, und he looks lik---h- looks ike
veil, he dord look like no,ings; he was
a leetle dog: he vas kind Of brindl-,
nit one-half of his hack down vas a
black shtripe, und he vas brown NIT his
eyebrows over; no always runs when
be walks, and when he meet nit an
,dd.r dog dhere's bound to be some on
before as dhry got &C
luaintod.'
PRESERVING ORDER IN CoURT.-Mr.
W Webst-r's attorney (rising and address
sing the attorney for the other side)-l
,all you a coward and liar.
The Court-Sit down, sir.
Webster'C attolney.-Hs is a coward
and liar.
The Court tell you to sit down
and be quiet.
Mr.. Webster's attorney-lIe is cow
ard and liar.
The Court-If you don't sit down
and be quiet you vii, he sorry.
Mr.. Webster's attorney-He il
In the subsequent proceedings the
Court TOOK hand. 1t swiftly glided
from It's seat and placed its powerful
grasp upon the coat collar of the attor
Dey for Mr.. Webster. There was q
void in the understanding
If that gentleman. The morning stars
began TO sing together in his ears and
lanced before his confused vision -
l'hen he found hl1self outside the
building without any hat, and the dus,
" zephyr. playing through his luxu-
liant mustache. i..rties present in the
'oom as innocent spectators aver that
-ha fnet of tha attorney for Mr., Wah