The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-07-23
A Model Newspaper.

A Model Newspaper.
The down passenger train had just
topped at Ringtown. Among the pas
sengers that entered the rear car was a
decidedly rustic. looking party. 1t con-
sisted of Farmer Pegg, his wife, and his
daughter Susan. The old gentleman
and lady took seat together; and Su-
san, finding the next seat in front vacant,
settled herself down on one-half Oft.
At the next station Il fat young man,
wearing linen suit and high hat, en-
tered the car and asked permission to
occupy the remaining half of Susan's
seat. The young lady smiled APPROX
ingly and gave her consent, They were
both communicative, and before the
train had gone mile they were engaged
in an animated conversation. The
young man told her some strange things.
Que bit of information, especially, filled
her with surprise. Her eyes flew wide
open and her mouth at the same time.
"Say, pop," she exclaimed, turning to
the. old man in the seat behind, this is
s5xPH sxsPHsrter of the shiehshinny b: r1a"ds'.
"You don't say 3d." replied the old
man, putting on his spectacles to see
whether, being that peculiar parsonage,
he looked like an ordinary mortal.
"Yes, SIR said the fat young man,
al am connected with the best news.
paper in the world-or perhaps you read
the 1huaderboN?"' '..'. '"''"."
"No, he DOESN'T" Susan answered for
her father before that Individual had
time to reply. .
"Then YOU had better subscribe" re-
piled the reporter. "Only two dollars
n year; and any two numbers are worth
al of that" :,
"No, guess not" came from the'old
"Oh, no." said the old lady, at the
same time shaking her head.
ct is too DEAR" added Susan"
"You wouldn't say that if you knew
what an excellent paper it is. You
must remember that it is a humorous
paper and employs a paragrapher-the
best in America. There are no lame
Jokes ever to be found in its columns
Why, you ought to see the. effect that
some of our paragraphs produce on oul
compositors. When joke is handed tc
one of them to "set up" he reads it, ther
bends himself into rainbow. holds his
sices and laughs. He then reads it to the
rest, and they all roll themselves on the
floor and lau eh." r.:
"And doesn't the paragapher, too
laugh when he writes those funny
things?" inquired Susan. .... ....,,
ooh, no; paragraphers never laugh
If they allowed themselves to do that
surrounded, as they are. by so much
genuine humor, they would soon laugh
themselves to death. 1t is very difficult
however, for some Of them to refrain
from laughing at all times. To enable
them to do so, they 60 to all the funerals
in the neighborhood and spend several
hours every day in the graveyard.
But" continued the fat young man,
"our paper is just as valuable for news.
We surpass every other paper in the
rupidity with which we gather up facts
and lay them before our readers. To ac-
complish this reporter has been placed
on every street corner in town, and COM
munication by telephone established be-
tween him and the editor at work at the
printing Office. When anything occurs,
the telephone instantly conveys the par
ticulars from the reporter to the editor.
Let me give you an idea Of the amazing
rapidity with which we do business.
1.-THE other day, just as we were going
to press, n fire broke out q quarter OF
mile from our printing Office. The re-
porter stationed at that place saw the
first appearance of the fire, and, at the
same instant, ,%he following account of II
rung in the editors ears: 'Fire:-ter
o'clock-Third ward-JohIson' wooler
mill-no Misunderstanding!
did you ever see thunderbolt dart
down from the clouds and strike 4 hay.
stack, or II bull, or anything?" ....
"Oh, yes." answered the farmer.
/ WELL" went on the reporter. just
that fast the editor flew into the com
posing-room, yelling rs he went: Fire
ten .o'clock-Third ward-Johnson's
wooden mill-no insurance-incendi
aryn ..-,.. =:
Mt the front window to see fat woman
90 by on the other side of the street. A
the sound of the editors voice the!
flew to their cases-on their way there
knocking down the foreman and th'
devil, and treading them under foot
Each compositor took one word, and
quicker than can tell it. the whole &C
count was in type-the type in the form'
the forms on the press-the pres:
started and papers sent out on the street
Our account informed the populace o.
the fire before an alarm of it had beer
made. There was soon the widest eX-
citement throughout town. People
with paper in hand. were running to
and fro. accosting those they met with
words like these: The paper here says
that a fire is breaking out ut Johnson's
woolen mill! There is no insurance,
neither. declare, it's too badn. Then
the fire bell was rung, and the fire com:
pany hurried to the burning mill and
arrived there rs the fire was making its
first appearance, and before the hands in
the building knew there was any fire on
the premises"
Just then the train arrived at Quake
Junction, and the fat young man changed
cars.
Our rustic friends for some moments
sat speechless, looking at each other.
Then the old lady broke the silence with
"He ies."-F. NJ. Gotwals, in Norris
torn Herald.