Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-02-21
F. u n :

OHl GEoRGE.-They were on the ice
Yesterday afternoon, he in the glory of bis
new found love, and she with a brand-new
pair of skates on her pretty feet. They
were sweet on each other and skated hand
in hand, now forward, now backward,
gliding smoothly, totally unconscious OF
the smiles of the spectators and the chaff-
ing of the bad small boys. He was skating
backward, and had hold of her hand-a
strong hold, with just the least more pres
sure than would have been desirable under
other circumstances. He was pulling her
along and talking the meanwhile.
S.. Darling Celeste, shall we always glide
through life as smoothly aswe do now?"
son, George, dear hope sol" smilingly.
ssAnd shall we ever be to each other as
dear as we are now?"
'Ob, George, alwaysH'
'sAnd Celeste, shall our clasp Of the
hand be as warm in the future as it is
now?''
"Oh, George, it will" lovingly.
''Dear Celeste. you are so kind to keep
me first in your affec-
ooh, GeorgeI''
There was crash before that last excla-
nation. George was skating backward
and they were looking in each others eyes:
His skate caught in a crack in the ice and
there was a fall-Celeste on top. A series
Of mild shrieks, vision of dimity, and
then two skaters left the ice. George has
lump on the back of his head as big as
prize pumpkin, and Celeste's ,se looks
like a ripe fig and all skewed around like
mules jaw. Ga, George!-Bedford Breeze.
WASH SHIsH IsH SHWIRE.-There was
an alarm of fire the other night, and MI.
Tolimglower, of Union street, being awak-
ened by the noise of the bells, sprang has
lilly from the bed and thrust his head out
of the window A man was rushing by.
and Mr.. Tolimglower hailed him, ''Whash
ish shish shwire?': The man stopped in
in his mad speed, and yelled, What?''
'sWhash ish shish shwire?' repeated MI
Tolinglower, craning his head still fur
Their out of the window, and scanning the
darkened heavens anxiously. Il don;
know what you are talking about?" shout
Oh GfIo lAdA3 DCSAAu4uS w gov LILO AZ 10 LOO
dy for another run. fish shez whash isl
shwire-carsh shuttershashs! yelled Mr.
Tolimglower in rage. ''Oh, go swaller
yourself!'' muttered the man, darting of
with an explanatory ''Fire!' And just as
Mr.. Tolimglower was going to shrek after
him wrathful malediction, his wife
touched him on the shoulder and handed
him his false teeth, which he had forgot
ten in his excitement to put in. And
when Mr.. Tolimglower had donned that
most essential part of his wardrobe, hi
was enabled to shout to a passing boy, i'll
= perfectly Ineligible manner, where is
she fire 2,'--Rockla1d Courier.
One of the incest compliments a man can
receive is to heara friend say to him: 1.-THE
very sight OF your pleasant face is enougi'
to drive away the blues But the satlsfac-
ton with which one hears such speeches
is marred by the anticipation Of the re-
mark that Is almost certain to ensue. "By
the way, you haven't got two dollars that
you,o etc.
The average man will sit passive in a
BARRIERS chair and unmurmuringly submit
to having his counteuance veneered with
soapsuds and thumped with wad Of hog
bristles, but if his wife should accidentally
bespatter him with a dish-cloth, all the re-
cording angels in the land won't do justice
to the remarks.
Adam and Eve escaped two serious an
noyances to modern lovers. In the first
place Eve had no mamma to make injudi
cious inquiries as to Adams socia! posi-
ton and prospects of patrimony, and Adam
had no governor to see that he did not
"WeI, suppo' e you have been out to
look at Texas; did you see anything of our
friend z. out there?" "Yes-gone de-
ranged.'' "Gone deranged! How? What
does he do? Real crazy?" Eyes, indeed;
he doesn't know his own hogs from his
neighbors'.'-
ssSir," said a weary tramp to the gentle
man who stands behind the counter at
the Barrett House. Sir, am social
conundrum'' "Then," exclaimed Bell.
pointing sadly toward the door. ''Then;
never more be guessed of NINE"
An English writer says, in his advice to
Young married women, that their mother
Eve married gardener. 1t might he
added that the gardener, in consequence
of his match, lost his situation.
where woman says Mrs. Parting
ton, "has been married with a congealing
heart, and one that beats responding to
her own, she will never want to enter in
to the maritime state again.
"Twenty years ago." said a colored
philosopher, f'niggers was wuf thousand
dollars piece. Now dey you'd be dear
at two dollars a dozen. It's 'stonishin'
how de race am runrin' downs
A young man sent sixty cents to a firm
In Michigan who advertised a receipt to
prevent bad dreams. He received slip of
paper, on which was written. "Don't 60
to Sleep"
An Irish shoemaker lately advised q Gus
tou,er. when he complained of his new
boots being tight. not to put them on un-
til he had worn them day or two.
ssJulia, there is no moon, will you meet
me at the gas-light corner2' mo, John,
lam no gas-metsr."