Litchfield enquirer., 1879-05-29
Russia's cheice-Aut Cesar aut Nihil.

Russias cheice-Aut Cesar aut Nihil.
 An auctioneer is man of more-bid tastes. Miss -Construction-W Whalebone, paint, pow der, and 80 forth
 The shop-lifters motto: ''Heaven helps those who help themselves"
 Fa The serpent's evil influence is exerted pow erfully on the Eve of election. Hs We beg to resurrect the ancient joke that SHanlan is the noblest row -man of them all
 If a murderer could know how bad he looks in cheap illustrated paper, he might wish to abstain from crime.
 We may have spoken with harshness of Mr. Hanlan because of his too numerous sickness es; but he is a gentleman and sculler for all that.
 A Boston physician advertises a "Vacu- um Cure" The friends of the Count Joan nes should persuade him to send his head there.
 It is one of the physiological mysteries why mans hands will blister so much sooner on a hoe handle, than they will on a base ball bat.
 A Texas chap shot five men and no attention was paid to it, but one day he stole mule, and in less than an hour the infuriated citizens hanged him.
 Of the $2S, 1000 pledged last November to pay off the debt of the Dwight Place church, New Haven, during this year, more than one half has been paid.
 A St. Louis man drank pint and half of whiskey on bet and died in consequence. IL is strongly suspected that some fiend in human shape diluted it with water.
 The Indianapolis Sentinel charges that 200O of the negroes joining in the exodus have been switched from the Kansas route into Indiana, to grow up with the country until 1880.
 A thoughtful patriot says: "Rhyming is delight to any man who is able to express what he feels ill we'll turned stanzas. This delight unfortunately is not always shared by the reader"
 A Hartford clergyman remarked, in one of the most earnest passages of his sermon on Sunday, "For he himself hath said," and then wondered why nine-tenths of his congregation smiled.
 Chilli, in South America, has declared war against Bolivia and Peru. A war correspond ent on the spot describes the first battle as simply terrific. The greatest havoc was in the artillery, where a mule lost shoe.
 ''That man came to this city forty years ago. purchased basket and commenced gathering rags rags , HSw much do you suppose he is worth owes for the basket"
 Why" asked governess of her little charge, ssdo we pray God to give us our daily bread Why don't we ask fer four days, or five days, or a week ?' Because we want it fresh, replied the ingenious child.
 Professor Felix Adler says there are occa- sions when 1t is absolutely wrong to tell the truth. The professor may be right, but he can't swerve us from a habit we formed years before we embarked in the newspaper ouSineSS sza .es. <
 A Boston wife slyly attached a pedometer to her husband when, after supper he started to ''go down to the office and balance the books" On his return fifteen miles of walk Ing was recorded. He had been stepping around billiard table all the evening.
 The following testimonial of a certain nat- ent medicine speaks for itself: ssDear Sir Two months ago my wife could scarcely speak. She has taken two bottles of your Life Renewer and now she can't speak at all. Please send me two more bottles I wouldn't be without it."
 The average duration of life of city di- rectory and dictionary in Boston hotel is very different, even though they start with equal newness and vigor on the same dav The directory, will be worn out by use and age before the dictionary has reached the
 While Gen. Cary was speaking at New Haven the other evening, Judge Hitchcock or the superior court approached the stand and courteousiy asked several positions. At first he was unnoticed, but finally the speaker made savage reply, closing with, "There, take that, you hard-money cuss."
 A gentleman was disturbed in his rest in the middle of the night by some one knocking on the street door. Who's there ?" he asked "A friend, was the answer. What do you want = 'I want to stay here all night. p Qneer taste; stay there by all means. , was the benevolent reply. r
 A market man was rperc;less,v sv;na,os,. the town of B.. His misfortune caVe hin, m a very untavorable opinion of the residents anu ne expressed his opinion of them bv say ing that II the Angel Gabriel stopped at R--. there would be no resurrection. "Wbv 2n asked listener. "Because the people wo,,a swIndle him out of hisho before he had limo toblow single toot." 1a ' ''i'''
 The Baptists of Dover, Me, were without a pastor A yovng man came along, introduced himself as the Rev. NIT. Stedman, preached a few trial sermons, made a most favorable inn pression, and was permanently engaged He soon married deacons daughter, and his re- markable sermons sustained his popularity although his wife and others observed that he was little inclined to flirt with the girls But the church isnow agitated by the discoy. 'ery that his sermons have all been stolen from the Rev: Dr. Storr's works, and that he is no