Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1879-10-16
FACTS AND FANCIES.

, |, :" oOo"eos and ends in iron chains
/ one secret man can keep-if bo l.
q oalsy horse-has either 10 keon -
: secret or the horse. W Aeop u
a Inc men of good STANDING j., 49,
s ~.uui'y are not always standing On III ~,
Ii every person wonld he ~,
Vbot 90 nc expects his neighbor 10 he
"LpS heaven this world would be
rro, ne1 a man has debt to nav il /;
PsrIPer Tor him to raise the mobey h.,
o ia'ses dratt he must 20 To i,;i
Nearly $4,000. 600 were maid ~
% me treasury during the n,o',,t o u
~ep'eniOer on account of pension arraars
s, Men are often like tea-,be ron
slrength and goodness are not propsrir
kaze -haen~ ia -boi
water.
The women Of this country squander
Sl4 SOC, 900 year on ribbons. Just
think how many cigars that money
would buy.
A lookiug-glass is kinder to us than
the wineglass, because it reveals our do.
teots 10 ourselves only, while the latter
reveals them TO our friends.
Goal dealers prefer Newfoundland
dogs to any other breed. They weigh
more, and they sit quietly on the cart
while the loed is On the scales.
TewAk Pasha, the new khedive of
Egypt, unlike his prodigal father, is a
strict economist, and has reduced his
household to the simplest scale.
When young man has finished his
education the best thing for him to DO
next is to find out what srt of work he
can do TO make an honest living.
The most remarkable Of recent opin.
ions concerning divorce (by woman, of
course): Divorce is all very well in its
way, but prefer widowhood it's surer.
An Irish crier at Ballinasloe being
ordered to clear the court, did SO by the
announcement Now, then, ali We
backgrounds that isn't lawyers must
leave the court.
Some crusty, rusty, fusty, musty,
dusty. gusty curmudgeon of a man gave
the following toast at n celebration -
'Our nre epsines-may they be like our
old maids-ever ready. but not wanted. >
A lady recently asked her servant how
the mustard pot had become cracked. -
The reply, made with all gravity, was
that she did not know, but supposed that
it must have been that the mustard was
so strong that it caused the fracture.
We sometimes knuckle readily to diff
ticulties, and take complacence III our
serene submisslvencss to Providence,
when little more pluck and persistence
on cur part would overcome the obsta.
cles. We mistake laziness for Christian
resignation.
A preacher in suburban town, while
instruotlng class Of urchins in the
catechism, told them that God could Go
everything, whereupOn one OF them
asked 'Oon God make rock So bis
that He can't lift it2' The boys ques.
ton remained unanswered.
A lady sends her laundress a washing.
list, among which is the following;-
One frilled white petticoat (no starch).
On Saturday the washing comes home,
and with it the bill, among the items in
which are the following: One frilled
petticoat, twenty cents; no starch ten
cents
The Colorado young man who copied
one Of the best Of Tennys0n's poems and
sent it to local paper. received note
from the well.read editor declining the
production, because the paper couldn't
publish nonsense, and advising the
young man to abandon poetry for the
trade OF houso-painter.
A New England writer is noted for
neglect in his personal appearance. The
night before Christmas gentleman
spoke to friend of making the author
a present. 4 want to get him some
thing that he will keep observed the
gentleman. In that case / would sug-
gest a cake of SOAP remarked the
friend.
A gentleman hunting III the woods
near MaTtinsburg, ". Va, had his at
tention attracted by bright locking
object protruding from she grognd, ant
investigation proved it to be q sIgei
candlestick. Further search brought tC
light several similar articles, They
have been identified as part of the chan
| eel ornaments Of Catholic church in thu
vicinity, which was robbed thlrty-t0u
years ego.
Squire Quiyerful (@ho has larg'
family to his eldest son: These are un
commonly good cigars Of yours, Fred
What do they cost you?' Fred: Sixty
shillings a hundred. Squire Quiverful
Good heavensi What extravaganza
Do you know, sir. that I never give
more than three pence for a cigar?'-
Fred: 'And a very good price, tool BY
George, governor, if 1 had as many
children to provide for as you have, ]
wouldn't smoke st ALP
In a district school little boy, si1
years old, was seen to whisper, hu
denied doing so when reproved by thr
teacher. He was told to remain ate
school, when the teacher, trying 70 in
press upon his youthful mind the sin
fitness OF not speaking the truth, askeS
him il they did not tell him in the Sun
isy school where bad boys went VII,
told falsehoods. Choking with sobs, b
said Yes, marin, it's place wher,
there is fire, but don't just remembel
the name of the town.