Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-11-27
VARIETIES.

@NsA4ApAAAA6 AAosSo btAAAA NAAAae
"A compound word-rum-punch.-
Boston Post
"A dentists sign-Drawing, music
and dancing.
"A crooked politician never votes
the straight ticket.
"A go-as-you-please race-the wOm-
en.-McGregOr Nes0S.
The more butter goes down the
faster the price goes up.-Free Press.
MOI man is obliged to put up with q
hotel keeper he doesn't ike.-Bost0n
Post ........
On capital of $500, 900 the cotton
mills of Augusta, Ca, pay a dividend
Of twenty-eight per cent.
"A North Carolina man married his
cousin and afterward died. His father
married the sons widow.
Americans wear more watches than
any other nation. We have the system
of tick to perfection in this country.
The New Orleans PicayWae says
that bald-headed men are like kind
words, because kind words never dye.
When you send a communication
to a newspaper always tell the editor
he need not publish it if he doesn't want
to.
Only one year more to Presidential
election. How the four seasons of the
year do chase each other into the dim
closets of the past!-Free Press.
"A Nebraska monument to horse
thief is simply stake at the head of a
grave and sign reading: sit would
have been cheaper for him to 60 afOOt."
How quietly flows the river to the
sea, yet it always gets there. This is 8
good point to remember when you are
trying to rush things.-Nes0 HGUeB
Register.
Advice to bachelors: Never marry
woman unless she is 50 rich that you
would marry her if she were ugly and
so handsome that you would marry her
if she were poor.
The person who devOtes his time
to the benefit of mankind in this world,
without receiving a cent s reward, when
he dies will receive the reward of ascent.
Whitehall Times.
1t is not strange that writers some
times get puzzled in their choice be-
tween ''that, ," "Whlch,'' and ''Who."
Relatives are more or less trouble
some. Transcript.
"A Philadelphia woman attempted
suicide by drinking coal oil, but as she
failed to apply a lighted match to her
mouth the affair proved dismal fail
Philadelphia Chronicle.
If boys boots were made of cast
iron, covered with tar and gravel and
then painted four coats and vanished,
mothers would still have cause to won
der how on earth ''that bOy'' got his
feet sopping wet.
Jonas Saunders, of Indiana, tied q,
cows legs to keep her from kicking
over the milk pail, and when she tried
to k,3k she fell over on him and broke
his back. There is such thing as be-
ing too smart.-Free Press.
The boy who doesn't leap over
seven b 'tching posts, kick lame dog,
snatch handful of navy beans in front
of every grocery store, knock over q
box or two and work the handle of
every pump on the sidewalk on his way
home from school, is either lazy or
doesn't feel well.-KeoksIk Gate City.
Years and years ago it used to be
said that girl might be willing to be
kissed when she voluntarily put a boys
hat on her head. This cannot be true,
for hundreds of pretty girls are now
wearing the little round Derby hats,
and looking well under them.-Nea0
Orleans PiCGyUne.
"A young lady who had been mar
ried little over year wrote to
her matter-of-fact old father: ave
have the dearest little cottage in the
world, ornamented with the most
charming little creepers you ever saw"
The old man read the letter and ex-
claimed: "Twins, by thunderr'
kttb Constitution.
"A Denver girl, for diversion, not
only engaged herself to marry two men,
but appointed the same day, hour, and
place for a secret wedding with each.
The suitors were somewhat disconcert-
ed by each others presence, as well as
by the girls absence, but they finally
came to an amicsble understanding to
despise her.
Says the Cincinnati Commercial:
"This is the season for duck hunting.
Young men will take notice. The ducks
that are most worn now on the left ell
bow are those with dark hair and black
eyes. But there are some ducks with
large blue eyes and golden hair that
are quite too awfully magnificent"
An Arizona Judge has just shown
his appreciation of modern improve
ments in firearms by shooting and
killing an editor. The editors partner
immediately shot the magistrate, and
was himself waylaid and extinguished
the same night by some parties un-
known. The total bag for the days
sport was a Judge and two editors.
Altogether it was great day for Ari-
zona.
When little Bob asked his sisters
beau for a cigar, his future brother-in-
law snubbed him with the remark:
g Young man, strap would do you
more good" Next night BOb's sister
and her young man got their hands,
IL ~