The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-05-22
HUMOROUS.

| III 1or disturbing the peace on the
| street He was so cranky that he
elbowed and kicked pedestrians and
refused to "movc on for street cal
to put him In a cell, and twice as hard
to get him out. lie had to bring him
IN his arms, aud tho old man kicked
and scratched like boy of ten.
"They can't nobody shove me
around!" squeaked the little old man
as he was dropped before tho desk.
Has anybody abused you?" mildly
inquired the court.
No, because they dasn't do 1t. Pm
little old man, but I won't take Il
word or sass from any man In tho
| State"
- DO YOU want to go home?"
| "it l want to 90 | shall 20. If
| don't l WON'T"
Hayo a family? ?"
won't tell you.''
Ills Honor saw that he had an origl-
nal character to deal with, so he said
| to Bijah:
| "Take this nice old man In the corri-
. dor, and read him Article VIf., and Let
him out by the private door,"
! Uncle Ephias was carried away, kick
ing and clawlng. No man outside OF
two has any idea what occurred in the
corridor, 1t IS known that Bijah
| brought down four of his best spankers
tho other day, and he has often been
heard to express the opinion that Ger.
tain Old men deserve Il certain line OF
| treatment when they got to carrying
on rs this one did. The ncws5oys who
were packed In next TO tho wall affirm
that they heard old familiar sounds,
| we'll laid on, but 1t Is IL mystery that
| will never be unravclcd. When the old
man was let out he jumped clear into
tho gutter with yoll, and a close OBJ
| server could have detected splinters
| from pine shinglo hanging to his coat
A nEL1aIous publication is authority
| for the announcement that Nebuchad-
nezzar's diary has been found In the
excavations at Babylon. Ono entry
| says that while he was dclirious with
fever he thought he had been out to
Craze like the beasts Of the field. So
he intimatcs that the Bible story Of his
being round out to grass was founded
on delirious dream, ch2 This is
| rather gauZy. The fact that the diary
contains cntrles fora wholeyea proves
1t miserable fraud anyhow. Nobody
ever kept diary that long.
| l"uS III OCDICtnOCt,
rightly now remember, that l heard n
knocking at my door; yes, know twas
| IN September, for quite we'll | now re-
member he had been there about fifty
times before: had been there knock
| Ing at my door. But opened not, nor
wondered, as upon the door he thun-
| dcrcd, for he yelled "say now will YOU
settle this 'ere bill bring you?" rs he
| answered, calmly answered, " Never
| more.'
'THAcKERAY used to tell of an IIish
woman begging aims from him, who,
| when she saw him put his hands in his
pocket, cried out, "May the blessings
of God follow you all your lifeu' but
when he only pulled out his snuff box :,
Immediately added, "and never over
take yc.''
4 LADY who, in defiance Of the Eng
lfsh law, had married tho brother of
her dc ceased husband, was in the habit
| of alluding to her first spouse as cher
| poor brothcr-in-law."
If. A classic Greek werc Iliad be
likely to Troy homeopathic physi-
clan, wouldn't he.
"IF WAS drunk, 1 sh'd SEQ double.
Now I'm dead shober, sure. l don't
| sec nathin' tall"
GLOW can we help our town." asks
4 Chicago editor. Did you ever try
leaving it2
a DAYTON man boasts Of dog that
has learned to smoke. 1t must be lit
tie whifllt.
| In FURNISHING q house the most hat
| ractivc furniture should be placed In
tho hall. ...-, =.
"YoU can't complain," rs the high
wayman remarked, when he shot the
traveller. ..