Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-04-25
Josh Billings Philosophy.

he kant git so low down az the white
man kan to save hiz life.
An ll-natured man il mi horror. ]
am more afrade ov him than j am ov 3
bloodhound or hyena.
more mizery in this world than sickness
il, but kant prove it.
Thoze people who don't think thare
IL emmy honesty in the world hav been
studying themselfs too clussly.
Ingratitude il az mean az it liz COM
mon, and the ungratefull man kant tell
how long it will be before he will be o
malishus one.
If man liz polite and honest he liz
we'll bred, don't kare whether he had
emmy ancestors or not.
The fatterer haz been called all kinds
ov bad names, but If thare waz no de-
mand for fattery there would be no
flatterers.
Good sense il like truth-the same
now that it waz when the fust man
walked on the face ov the earth.
Our habits are what we have learned,
nothing more or less; honesty and
chewing tobacco are both of them hab.
its, and if we suckceed in either we hav
got to learn how.
I hav allwuss notissed that thoze
folks who kno the most, are the best
listeners, and the most anxious to kno
more.
The book writer's ov the present day
read too mulch, and think too little !;
each nu book liz therefore mere re-
hash ov some old one, ground finer or
coarser, ackording to the mill it runs
through.
Memory il treacherous. Thare liz
full az menny people kan tell yu what
kind ov day nert kristmass ,ciH be az
kan tell yu what kind ov day last
kristmass gds.
never hav been o marrid woman
miself, but if waz anxious to seizure
the luv and respekt ov mi husband,
ekonemy and neatness should alwuss
reighn in mi house, and be felt in mi
husbands pocket book.
I think thare il saying like this
"Fear God, and love man." I should
hav written" Love God, and fear
man."
All men may possibly make themselfs
useful, but no man kan make himself
absolutely necessary-the great God
haz reserved this privilege to himself.
A man ov CRATE genius il not allwuss
man ov good judgment he frequent
ly unites grand truths and grand mis-
takes without knowing it.
When waz good deal younger than
j am now, looked upon thoze whom
the world called great with deep vene-
rashun, but. having made the acqaint-
anse ov 'inepny ov them in mi latter
days, i find that they eat, drink, strut,
smoke. and pay their diets when they
are Obliged to) just the same az the
rest ov us do,
Mi dear phellow, if WI are doing de-
Gently we'll silk to WHARF WI are. When
waz boy, and used to pix buckle.
berrys, j allwus stuk to the patch WHARF
the huckleberrys done decently well.
I hav known boys try to do better, and
finally run out ov huckleberrys and
run out ov patch, too.
A mans habits are hiz natur, formed
after good, bad, or Indifferent model,
Just az he decides.
That form ov government il the best,
and will last the longest, the laws ov
which are administered promptly and
imparshally.
When am trading horses with aea-
kon, and he asks me 30 to boot, and i
am sure that ought to hav rs, and he
offers to split the difference with me by
talking religion, I hav allwuss found II
helthy to mount mi horse, and like the
gentle Arab, steal silently away.
We all ov us luv to be praized, and
think thoze who deserve it the most ap.
preshiate it the most.
hav lernt this hi prackticing onto
it, the worst ever got beat waz bi hav-
ing mi own way. .....
never hay been a markt suckcess
among the femail sext never could
fiatter enuf to kreate general demand
for mi services, but still luv woman,
and will fite for her on demand, or at
ninety days.
The enthusiasts and fanaticks never
thrive on what they kan prove, but ON
what others admit they kant disprove.
/ hav herd men pra for more brane
power it liz risky prayer more men
hav failed in this world with too mulch
branes than with too little.
The man who liz willing to work for
fame, and let bread and molassis take
care ov itself, haz got a perfekt right to
do it, ackording to the statutes, but he
must make up hiz mind to starve at
publick expense, and be buried OF last
in the same way. =.
Yu will allwuss konsider that when
man IL anxious to tell the truth, he uses
the simplest language possible words
ov three sillables or more seem to hav
been made on purpose to lie with.
It liz sollum fakt that dutiful child
allwuss makes yirtewous citizen, and
a reputable justiss ov the peace.
SANDER haz pizon on its tung, wings
on its feet, and travels faster than
ghost.
A wolf in sleeps clothing IL not only
a dangerous wolf, but he IL kussid
mean one too. tb
Better leave yure child good karak-
ter to immitate and defend than govern
ment bonds and pedigree.
Lieing liz the most diffikult habit to
git rid ov. 1t seems to be komposed
Of vanity and impudence, with malice
sumtimes added the very worst traits
L