Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-02-27
Wit and Hu1nOI'.

When man reaChrs the top OF stair
way and attempts to make one more step
igher the sensation IS as perplexing as
if he had attempted to kick dog that
wasn't there.
The county fair orator who is not in
formed that his effort beat anything ever
attempted by Henry Clay will feel an
unsatisfed longing, no matter how
promptly his pay is handed over.
The stranger who attends ono of the
fashionable churches in Boston may get
his pocket picked, or may have his con-
science strongly awakened. The chances
seem to be about even.
What's the use of sitting all day in a
boat holding $40 tish-pole and line to
catch little half-pound fish, when salt
mackerel weighing a pound can be
caught at any grocery store for six cents?
Whitehall Times.
Two stage robbers can halt stage
filed with Indian-fghters,a all we'll armed,
and make the crowd shell out in the
most humble manner. What does it is
the fear on the part Of the Indian-fghters
that some of them might get hurt.
An exchange publishes the startling in
formation that there are no reserved seats
in heaven. Most people would Danish all
uneasine<s on that account if they could
obtain standing room.--C ;ncSnaati
Breakfast Table.
Times are changed indeed. A man
used to be able to pass himself off for q
genius by wearing spectacles and letting
his hair grow long, but that racket don't
work now. The conditions of life are
growing harder for the poor man all the
time.
The country is becoming so crowded
with marksmen, athletics, swimmers and
oarsmen wearing medals on their breasts
that the ordinary man will soon have to
return to blue coats with brass buttons,
in order to keep from sinking into utter
insignifcance,-Philade p1sia Chronicle.
The only Frenchman ever heard of
who did funny thing at a duel was
Sainte Beuve, who, having to fight on q
very rainy morning, persisted in holding
an umbrella over his head with his left
hand. In vain did his seconds remon-
strate with him, and tell him such con-
duct was out of order, II don't mind
being shot, said the great critic, shut
never came here to get wet, " and he stood
his adversary's fire, with his umbrella
waving proudly over his head.-London
World.
"Your daughter has treated me very
curt"-and the young man was lifted
by the parental hoof from the door of
his girls house to the middle of the
horsecar track. He arose as quick as he
could, and mildly explained that he
had't finished the word, which was ''cour-
teous," and AlphonsO was taken under
the unacceptable roof once more, had his
pants mended, was done up in salve,
and then sent home to his ma in q hack.
Thus is true greatness rewarded, and i'm
petuosity rebuked.-Boston Iraueles.
A lady sent for the Chief of Police the
other day, and complained to him that
her husband had in the most cruel man
ner kept her prisoner at home for the
last ten days. -
"Ah," said the Chief, "does he lock the
doors on you2"
"Certainly not"
"Does he have somebody to guard you
and keep you from going out?''
mo, indeed-not he."
"Well, does he-does he title You tt
any thing9" .-.,.. -:
/ "No, sir-he dare not"
"Well, L should say, madam, that
pray excuse me-that you have about all
the freedom you could WANT =
"Gracious heavensl'' exclaimed the Ia
| dy, with clenched fingers and flashing
eyes, "a horrid mouse tied to the top q
the box with my Sunday bonnet III it
and Won talk to me about all the freedom
] could WANT