The Leavenworth weekly times., 1879-05-29

Jupe.I
"Ever met Prerfesser Thrum-ilas j.
81 never have. Who Is he?
"Oh. he's q geenyus; one o the nnes'
'pearinp old gentlemen We ever see; hignIy
edyecated. comes of q good family, and Jes'
as keen's a brier."
whats his business"
aPreachin' and pillin', mostly; he's prin-
cipsl agent for the Ben franklin Self-sup-
portin' Pill, and he ex'orts evenin's when
he's travelin'. The wimmin-folks Jest goes
crazy absout 'Lias. No discaount on LAS
]. Thram, tell yew, Sings hymn like
a swoller. Good many min'ste Is more
or less pester'd in prare. but Las goes
rite long. 3 if nothin' I all was the matter.
No hitchin' and coughin' to him when ne
ingsged; frees bid, every time.
as he good speaker" =,
"The most sperrited ye ever heered-
"tine voice."
"Ciear's q quill, and louder'n gun.
When the winders is open In aour school,
haouse, where he labors frequent, emmy
body ,'other side the river ken hear him.
He meks things jump, l tell yew, when ne
gifts agoin'w
"How is he in argument
"Up tew emmy on 'em, We may depe
Karnt ketch 'Lias where the wools short,
from Genesiz to Regulations. Wish yed
heered him tackle won o yore Boston
transildentist feller who woz up here'n
East Nineveh last summer. Fun then, 1
tell yew. There wsrn't piece left ov that
Massachusetts onbeliever's big as clozepin.
Sumb'dy said that air radikel had lost his
mind. 'Lias bust aout larfin, and, sez ne,
Il wouldn't pick it up ef faound 1t laying
raound emmy where That's 'Lias! he's
iest's quick's flash. He's barmy Gilyud
all over, and big dog under the wagon
tew boot, as the old sayin' is"
"Are the Ren Franklin pills popular in
this town."
"Yes, sir, and everywhere else, tew. Look
here, yew. jest work into your leciers
suthin 'baout them pills, and 'Liss'il sartis-
fy ye. He wouldn't mind'psyin We well Tor
yer trouble. Most estonishin' cures them
pills brought abaout, Miss Witkum, daown
here to the Four Corners, couldn't see aout
ov her head for more'n a year, on account
ov her havin', both to wunce, noorology
and dispepsy on the spinel marrer; but
'Lias cured her up with cupple o boxes
cleans a wissel. hiram Perkins teeth
was all a-gittin' loose, but box and hari o
the Ben Franklin fixed 'em in sgin tights
a drum. Hundreds o cases j5st like these
is we'll known in aour country, and all over
the United States. My brother-in-law
'Rastus Frink's bin in ev'ry port in the
world icept Californy, and he sez the
craowned heads in Urup is now takin 'em
everywhere. Wish ye could hear the Prer-
fesser, with tears in his eyes, indorse X is-
tu.' Statemunt
"The Professor believes in the efficacy Of
the pills be is dealing in 30 largely, l sup
pose?'
That's SO; and we'll ne may, for they
saved his life when be had water on the
heart 30 bad"
"When was THAR
"Years ago, when he was young man,
comparatively speakin'. Let's see: He
was 'tacted with this water on the heart
when he was sent as a missionary into the
old 'Gopshun country. He tells the story
that when he got rort up a-speakin' to
them heather ladies and Gentlemen over
there on the bank ov the Nile, his feelin's
was tew much for his strength, and so this
water sot in, first on his chist. Pooty soon
he sez his heart gut bet up and went to
bilin'. If We put yer ear down, ye could
hear it. Wa'al, 'Lias spent thousands OF
dolluz callin' in the doctors near and fur.
No USE They all gin him up, and he
come home to die. One day he overheered
q man in New York say the Ben Franklin
pills was shore remedy for water on the
heart, and 'Lias went for q box ov 'em; KEEP
takin' box arter box, and at the end o. the
fifteenth or sixteenth box (he don't remem-
Der naow, zactly, which it wasl, he b'gan
to i'm prove, and the sizzin' stopt inside ov
him. Out O gratitood he excepted
agency, and he's gone on introducin' them
pills into ey'ry quarter O the known globe.
Turkey, Prooshy, Asha, Chiny, everywhere
'most, he % introdooced 'em by word O mouth.
When he goes aout to Ingey he alters
stops at the pallis, and all the high-priests
waits on him about. The grandees thinks
ey'rything on him aout there in lngland
and Rooshy. It's goods a play to hear
'Lias tell over his travels aout there. When
he went to Kanky moo, aout in Japan,
more'n a hunderd el. fInts, all rigged up in
golden iewills, walked tew and tew in the
royle procession to meet him on the worf
'Lias sez the Kings family warnts him to
come aout there and settel, but he ruthsr
thinks he sharn't dew il at present. He's
dredfully 'tached to this ere form O. guv-
ernment, but he may alter his mind bymeby
and pull up stakes agin. Wish ye could
see Prerfesser Thrum's kleckshun curositiz
he got together in Jruslum; got leetle
piece O. Maount Arrerroot 'mung 'em, and
a genowyne lock O. hair O the prodigul
son. One O. the most valooble things he's
CUTS the stun that killed Collar; sez he
wouldn't take ten thaousand dolluz for IT.;
bin offered nine by the British guvment,
over'n over agin."
81 notice you call Mr.. Thrum Professor.
Wha, is he professor of?'
Re ligion and doctorin' mostly, ! guess.
His keerd runs, 'Prerfesser 'LIss J. Thrum,
the Ben Franklin Self-supportin' Pills,
wbolas a 10 and retaIl'D