Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-05-29
FUNNYGRAPHS.

Temple Bar.
FUNNYaRApHs,
A POLITE fish-A gent eel.
The farrier may be slow, but he isshoer.
A sH1RT.FRoNT is thing to be stud
1ed.
A MAD dog is pronounced instance
IF outrage.
The successful farmer trusts good
deal to the fates-phosphates.
A NICE little boy calls himself Compass,
because he is boxed so often.
CoLoRs are fast when they don't rum,
and run when they're not fast.
The three cusses-the crocus, the cir
Gus and the tramp cuss-are abroad in
the land.
THERE'S always the dues to pay when
q married man belongs to a lodge.-Mao
Orleans Picayune.
EIGHTEEN young ladies play base ball
in New York. Hope they are good
catches?
The rim of the strawberry box is cut
lower this year, and the bottom is double
soled.-Cincinnati Commercial.
You may talk about Communists, but
the person who chiefly desires that the
ruler be done away with is the school
Ivy - yPAcc' tvU Observer.
THERE is nothing mysterious about.
mosquitoes. 1t is easy to see how they
may-nip you-late.-NeaO Orleans Picay-.
une.
A PAUPER in Gill, Mass, got S. from
the poormaster "to obtain the necessi-
ties Of life," as he declared, and used the
money in taking to himself wife.
A LITTLE Philadelphia boy startled a
friend of the family the other day by
remarking that he was " four years with
his clothes on!"
WHEN the stern cid Scotch warrior
said, "The hand of Douglas is his owD,''
was it in response to an insinuation that
he held a pair of aces that didn't belong
to him ?-C;ncinnati Saturday Night.
A PROMINENT druggist at Frankfort,
KY, was stabbed four times lately.
Probably one Of those fellows who charge:
ten cents for glass of half froth and.
half soda.
SOMETIMES the best horse wins, and
sometimes the best horse doesn't. These
things are usually fixed up without the
horse having word to say about it,
Detroit Free Press.
THAT was smart boy smashed the
other fellows egg, and then justified
himself with the remark that it is good
for man that he bare the yolk in his
youth.-Philadel0hio Bulletin.
bow doth the little busy bird
Improve each shining hour,
And gather cotton and thread aid feathers and
pieces of cloth end straws and bits Of cord
~ and whele lot Of other things, all the day,
EGYPTIAN mummies are frequently
ground up into paint. This treatment
may not make them mad, but it must
certainly make some Of them "madder."
-Norristovn Htrotd.
The statement that lightning rod
placed on pumpkin vine will cause two
pumpkins to grow where but one grew
before, is probably the weak invention
of some peripatetic agent.
! ONE of the greatest feats of woman's
endurance is when the female with 8,
diamond ring wipes her mouth 5000
times in 5000 quarter hours witcout
the laaat fatig:o.- PHILADELPHIA Ghrnni~
Gle.
A LITTLE girl where minister had
! been invited to dinner, was privately
= placed on her good behavior. Finding:
+ lull in the conversation at the tea.
, table she folded her hands and said:
: 30 God, please pass the butter"
, AN Irishman, at the imminent risk of
his life, stopped runaway horse few
days ago. The owner came up after a
while, and quietly remarked: "Thank
you, sir" ''An' faith, an how are ye
goin' to divide that betwane two of us?'
replied Pat.
AT least one Chicago miner has made
. great success in Leadville. In five
weeks, ending May 8, he took out Sl6,-
$50 with no other mining implements
, than a pack of advantage cards and q
, Derringer pisto].-Chicogo Tribune.
The latest yarn about fast time is to
the effect that on a certain American
l railroad a young man put his head out
: of the window to kiss his girl go0d-by,
4 when the train went ahead so rapidly
that he kissed an old African female at,
3 the next station.--Cdpe Breton Erpress.
THAT was neat, says the Boston
Courier, the remark of a young lawyer
on Washington street, the other morning.
l A friend accested him: "Jobn, wish
you would change this $40 bill for me?'
t The blushipg, but pleased attorney lifted
his hat and replied: "My good boy,
you fatter me, you fatter me-"
! A GENTLEMAN VINO once called at the
: rooms Of Senator Sumner in Washing
t ton was told by the young negro servant
1 ''Massa Sumner he gone to de senate to
l make him speech" "What speech? '
asked the gentleman in surprise. "Wby,
dat ar speech he's been hollerin' out in
bed cherry mornin' desc free weeks"
IT was little girl of four years, in
Winsted, Conn.,, who, having repeated
the Lords Prayer for her nurse, got per-
: mission to offer petition for herself,
and then prayed to be made a twin to
her sister (who WAS seven years older,)
and that she might wake up on the NOR
row and find her hair long.
The following testimonial of a certain
patent medicine speaks for itself: "Dcar
Sir: Two months ago MY Wltc could
!. scarcely speak. She has taken two bot
ties of your Life Remover and now she
can't speak at all. Please send me two
, more bottles. Iwouldn't be without it."
!. |-Norristoacn Herald.
A lEvoIED mother, sending her T.
vear-son for the first time to the district
school, was considerably surprised to
observe, when he came back, look of
utter disgust and modification.
"What's the matter, darling?' she said !;
"don't you like to 60 to school"
EYES," he answered, "but all tie boys
have got patches on their pants, and
they laugh at me; and-and (sobbing;)
if you don't put some on mine L won't
20 again."-Andreus' Basar.
A CLEVER fellow, an expert in the
i calling, rang the door bell, and soon the
, lady Of the mouse was before him. Said
he: "Will you be kind enough to take