The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-01-04
THnrs AND TEaAT,

The King Of Siam has 5000 wives,
lie is bald. ...-
The greatest strike of the day
/ Twelve o'clock.
"A friend of education-Thc free
knowledgist.
"A whole soulcd man One who has
just had his shoes repaired at the cob.
bler's. ..r.- .... .H...
Why are handouts like gnidebooks2
Because they are made for two wrists.
=" Speaking of th dead languages,
Profess o." inquired the new student,
who killed them %
-" viii you name the bones In the
head" "I've got them all IN my head,
Professor, but cant give them."
Adams first suit of clothes must
have been winter style, because he didn't
have them until after the fall
Hood in describing the meeting Of
man and a lion, said: 1.-The man ran
with all his might, and the lion with all
his name"
"A Cohoes baby has been born with
only one eye, but we may at least trust
it will Keep that eye out to the main
chance.
-" A schoonerof beer for five cents. -
is translated by q French paper so as 10
read, In America you can get q boat
full of beer for five cents"
The bill Of a plumber in Paris late.
ly contained the following items: :-"TO
searching for gds-leakage, two francs
to having found it, three francs"
"A young lady, about to marry
farmer, said: "Mother Eve married
gardener" She forgot to add that ow-
ing to the match the gardener lost his
situation.
-"Brilliant and impulsive people,"
said lecturer ON physiognomy, shave
black eyes, or If they don't have 'em
they're apt to get EN- If they're too im-
puisive,"
1t was Horne ToOke whom George
III. asked if lie played carlS. and who
gravely replied:-"No. Your Majesty !
The fact is, l cannot tell king frOm u
knave."
The Chinese say there is q prolific
well of wisdom at the foot of every gray
hair. viii some of onr enterprising pru.
ducers please develop the field immedi-
ately. w.. .4..4u a .ae
=" Let us go out and walk In the
soft moor light and view the beauties Of
nature" said the twenty four prisoners
in Jail at Rochester, and they walked.
-Jeanette-"Ma, are you g ing to
give me another piece of pie 2" Ma
"What do you want to know for ?'
Jeanette -"3ecause IL you amt want
to eat this piece slowly"
-"What Is your son foing in the
battle of life % asks the Christian
Helper. Well, he appears to be draw
ing rations most of the time, just at
present, thank you.
"A clergyman asked some children,
"Why do we say in the Lords prayer.
''who art in heayeh," since God IL
everywhere" A little drummer boy
answered, Because it's headquarters.
The woman who refuses an offer OF
marriage should do it by postal card
By this means she can secure several
hours to say her prayers before being
murdered.
An Irishman was told by teacher
that his charges for tuition were two
guineas the first month, and one guinea
the second. "Then, be- jabers," said
Pat, "I'll begin the second month now,
When man and his wife are out
walking and see "a love of a bonnet"
in show window, they are both OF one
mind, She TO go buy it aud he wants
to go by it too.
-She:-'DO you suppose that l have
FIVE or six hands, that | can do every,
thing ot once, say?" He'll realize
that you have i've or six tongues
Tableau-pyrotechnics, gymnastics and
Mysteries.
-"That's the sort of umbrella that
people appropriate, said gentleman
to a companion one morning, showing
him very handsome one. yes" re-
joined his companion. quietly. ~
thought so when saw you holding It,"
A noted politician was so fond of
being "dead- headed" everywhere that
when some of his friends were debating
how to get him TO attend church, One
of them said; "Charge an admission fee
and he'll be after pass before breaks
fast"
-"Find out your ehild's speciality"
is the urgent advice of phrenolOgist.
A Boston man says:-''We have tiled
this and fud it not so easy. Sometimes
rock candy seems to be the favOrite, and
then again there Is a marked tendency
to taffy."
"A Rondout (N. " shoemaker
has built for farmer a pair of boots
which measure fourteen inches In length
aud six inches in Width. The young
gentlemen who call on the farmers
daughter never fail to say good night
by half-past nine.
The growing custom of putting the
choir at the pulpit end of the church has
the very serious drawback that it pre-.
vents man from turning around and
looking up at the organ in a critical
Kramer just before the contribution
plate approaches his pew.
When a Hartford woman pattefi
her friends seven -year.old youngsteE
on the head aud said, "I should like to
have such a little boy as you are," he
looked up into her face and replied,
"Well, guess you can, don't believe
Gods lost the pattern of me, "a
"A certain Lord OF the English Ad.
mhalty, ON his first trip down the
Thames in rather leaky vessel, Obst ~.
ed uHS men working at the pumps.
"Oear me 70 he said, II did not know
you had a well on board, captain; but L
am very glad, as do detest river wa
ter 10
"A Medford individual was sauDter-
ing home the other night, near the three
church clocks of that classic village.
Suddenly the voice OF time sounded in
his tympanum and went on with regu>
lar strokes until the three had followed
each other in succession. Braeing him,
self up dedantly, he calculated. "ThiT-
ty-six O'clockl Keep on, I've been
out later than that. T"
REMEDY FOR HARD TiNEs.-stop spending
50 much on fine clothes, rich food and style.
A 4