The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1879-04-25
A SENATORIAL WAC.
Ex-l:Ov. Vance, of North Carolina, a.
the Champion Joker.
SOME SPECIMEN YARNS

people supplied with fresh sensations
in the way of humorous variations and
sayings. These are retailed to admir-
ing groups about country stores and
court-houses, and thence repeated to
the women and children at home by
the fireside, or under the rustic porch,
SO that Vance's name is a never forgot
ten household word from Curritnck to
Cherokee.
The following specimens will illus
tratc the character of Senator Vance's
humor.' They are mostly from notes
taken during his joint canvass of the
State with Judge Settle in 1876. Re-
ferring to the burdens put upon the
it reminded him of the question broach-
ed in an Oldfleld debating society,
whether, when man had bog of
corn ON his back rs heavy as he could
possibly carry, he could tote one grain
more. A great big doubte-jointed fell
low actually got up and holtered for an
hour to show that the thing could be
done. This was about what his COM
petitOr was trying tc demonstrate now
in defending the internal revenue laws.
On another occasion, his only reply to
a long series of charges made against
him by Judge Settle was in the narra-
tion of n pleasant tale of an old Afri-
can Solomon, with wise looks and
iron-rimmed spectacles, who came up
and explained to some boys why their
powder wouldn't burn by suggesting,
ssdat powder been shot afore :" Among
other anecdotes was one OF an old
farmer, who, when his son, just out of
college, showed the old man by aid of
a microscope, the animalcuI.e in his
81
mark, "Well, if they can stand it
can." There was one, too, of a man
who was paying tribute to Neptune,
who, being asked if he were sick, re-
Piled: s'Sick! do you reckon Pm puk-
ing. tor fun ?'' Also about boy who
tried to cajole another ono by the re-
promise, "Bill, if you'll give
me a bite of your big red apple, I'll
be burned if don't show you my sore
toe" At one Of the joint discussions,
all of which nearly were held in the
open air, several negroes climbed a
tree, with cheers for Settle, whilst
Vance was speaking. Vance said their
ascent reminded him of a certain Scrip
tural character, of whom the poet
said:
"Zaccheus he did climb Il tree,
His Lord and Master for to see-''
Just then the bough broke and came
down, men and all, with a crack,
when Vance added:
''The bough did break and he did fall,
And never saw his Lord at all.''
SCENES ON THE STUMP.
At Reidsville an enthusiastic color
ed Democrat was one of the first and
most demonstrative to welcome Gov.
Vance to-that ancient village. He was
also one of the last to bid him farewell.
"Good-bye, Governor" said he, 81
never see you again." "Well,
my friend ," said Vance, ssif you never
time" At Lexington, when Vance
arrived, he was forthwith surrounded
by crowd who followed him every.
where he went. Hundreds came up
to shake hands with him. To one
persistent chap Vance finally remark
ed: stLook here, you are taking ad-
of the rest you shook hands
with me up yonder." During one Of
his speeches IL mule got loose and made
a great scattering in tho crowd, when
Vance restored order by remarking:
"Oh, that's only one of the mules that
were to go with the forty acres"
Among sundry hits at his opponents,
he remarked: tsIt was a mighty shrewd
thing in the Radicals here in North
when they abolished the
post before they went to
stealing. II they hadn't been sharp
enough to do this they would have
been the greatest set of striped-bac
and ring-tailed rascals ever seen."
When Vance was in the western
part Of North Carolina, among the
illicit distillers of corn whisky, known
as "MoOnshiners," !" he made the inter-
nal revenue law an especial butt of rid
icule. He called the revenue officials
''red-legged grasshoppers," and was in
the habit of exhibiting as a specimen
of them a fat and portly Nebraska
corked up in r phial full
of spirits. In charactcrizing them ne
said they could look at a mans track
in the sand and tell whether he was
toting a quart jug or a five gallon dem
john. "They can smell your BREATH"
said he, stand tell whether the dram
you took before breakfast was tax
paid or not. They can look in n branch
and tell whether there is a still any
where within ten miles up stream or
down.
At one point a rather queer episode
occurred which gave dramatic empha-
sis to one of Nance's illustrations of
the absurdity Of expecting reform by
putting HAYES in place of Grant, He