, 1879-05-25

! |
t Whether he pronounces one ''geuze" or the 9TH
4 "nitrailloose, n We do not venture to decide.
s%Nhat shall do to be savedt' asked an anxiou
,, inquirer yesterday Of q practical clergyman
"Well, ~ replied the Clergyman, $50 nearly as
, can make out, you'd better murder rome On
and get hanged" -
A young man On Park avenne was engaged to
beautiful South Town girl aud went to Leadyille
, | endeavoE to make fortune. He returned dead
broke. and in the internal hi. fair and {aittle.
one had fallen in with ! Gs1-goods clerk who wore
: . upon his bosom and fingers the wealth Of Golcouda
she received him with coolness. BE has, however
taken due vengeance b. sending her pos1a}
J card inscribed with the following artistic CONN
| drum: ''Why Is Mica -. like prominent
European artist! Because Ehe is IN airiet
heifeE (Ary ScheGer)-''
beautiful young wife on the North Side has
expended mich ingenuity in deyising scheme to
keep her husband at home nights, and it proves
very effectna1- She fatters her hege lord about
the ezapisftey dainty proportions OF his fees ana
induces him TO wear boots about two alzes too
small for him. He is on his feet all day long in
town, and when he gets home at night she has &
! soft chair and q pair OF loose, cool slippers for
him, and by the time he with great drops OF agony
pearling his brow, has got OF his boots be comes
to the conclusion that there is no place like homo
after all, and has no desire to go down town 10 the
! lodge, or to sit up With sick friend.
An inventive genius has devised IN inte1eonyert-
| fble reversible newspaper poem, which he thinks
! Is destined to reyolutiontze American country
journalem, and prove sweet boon to generations
l. OF newapaper-readets as yet unborn- The follow
| ing is one verse:
o the snow, the beautiful SNOW
Under the gruy and the b1nc;
Ga bcautiful land is the Long Ago.
Rock me to sleep, mother. do.
BY publishing this once year, when be is drunk
Or has no other COPY handy the average editor will
be enabled By very small expenditure of SPACE 10
satisfy great majority Of his readers who are
regularly in the habit OF asking him to reprint
those sveet lines which. !.
4 schoo1-teacher, whose name is suppressed at
the request Of the Superintendent read in the pa
per the other daT that 'tThe Rev. A. D. Mayo, Of
Springfield Mass, thinks that it would be INSTRUCT
i've to ahut boys up in u room with the morning
paper, and make them give all they could remem-
ber OF it after fifteen minutes reading" He &C.
cord1ngy resolved to try interesting and fascf-
mating an experiment, and buying out the stock of
auewsdealer he distributed the papers among his
scholars, and ut the end Of the allotted period
called up one Of the most Intelligent OF their num-
ber anu asked him to recite what he could OF his
reading. ''Wen,'' SAID tho youth '.I wtu,,'
and with that he gave brief sketch Of three e1eeu.
tions, fTo clerical scandals, a red-hot breach
of-prornise and seduction case, psize-hght,
rafting match. the scored Of sixteen base-hall
games, the pulling OF negro hagnio, fourteep
burG1arics, thrilling suicide, mu1uerous assault
and letter from Joliet showing that the circula*
ton OF THE TRIBUNE among the couvicts was not
for an instant to be compared with that Of au-
tfh
will never try the experiment again
not II he lives to be as old as MethusalenB
Anthony.
The Billiards OF the Future-Extract from Tu1
TRIBUNE Of May 16- 1887: ''Ar 1926, amid the
most GREATNESS excitement, the two players strung
Tor the lead, slosson winning. Betting 100 10 /
N sloesou.) The game was at once regarded .. i
orcaone conclusion Schaefer Immediately put
ID his coat, locked up his cue, md left the hail,
mo Slosson ran the game ont, making the best
'sesage and run on record. Score-Slosson, ], COO;
'veEage' LOCO; best run, 1.ooo.~. schaefer-0;
vetage, o; best run. CO. Extract from The
'R1BuSE OF June 20. 1888: ''As usual in such
aarches nl interest ceased with the bank tor lead
being pretty well settled At the modern gamo
hat the first one to play runs the game out Slos-
On having won the lead, most Of the audiencs
'ene home-and thereby missed q treat unpa1aI-
s|eo IN tue history Of Chicago billiards. Slosson
aa run oV9: but IN attempting the last shot,-A
mple e'gn1een-cus hion masse draw,-mfssed bJ&
an BREADTH a messenger was sent for Sehaefer,
no nad Sons home and retired to bed, and after
''ne o1neuitJ the champion WAS convinced that:
Is opponent really had missed, and, arising and
'esH1n2, he drove to the hall, and the betting
9on MN being !, COO to l. run the game OUT
'o1e-scnae1er, I. GOO; average, !, 600, best run,
ooo sosson-99o; average 999; best run.
's' Ine loser has challenged the winner to play