davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08

A gentleman finds himself m the hands
of two highwaymen, with which Paris
has been infested for several weeks, who
vainly search his pockets.
g What an ass YOU are, y they exclaim,
:" to go out at night without your watch.
The idea of your believing these stupid
newspaper reporters y
A well-known politician was formerly
a doctor, and poor one at that. He
was talking the other day Of peoples in
gratitude:
:" You can't imagine, = he said to an ac-
quaintance, who remembered his being a
doctor, 9 the number of people that are
indebted to me for their positions.
Their horizontal ones. YOU mean p'
Extract from new novel: Taking
a pen he sat down and wrote to friend,
rubbing his hands sleepily together as he
proceeded
One ofthe new Republican officials saw
IN his room q big, well-dressed fellow
standing with his arms crossed and doing
nothing. The third day he went to him
and asked
what are you doing here ?f
am yoer second secretary, replied
the young man, not in tire least disturbed.
Indeed, and what are your duties ~
Always to be on hand in case you may
want me-
A retired milkman sent his son to
travel, telling him to take notes and write
home what he saw He crossed a Span
ish river dry shod, and wrote; :. 1t would
be impossible to carry on the milk busi-
ness in this part of the country
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08
AN APRIL HOAX.

Looking at it from without, it does
not appear very unlike its fellows, this
little suburban cottage of the Rosy.
with its unpretending hooded porch,
over which the ivy trails its dark green
foliage, its two parlor windows in front,
and its bay-window at the side; but
within there is nothing commonplace.
Every room, every corner, reflects the
refined taste of Janet Roy, and the
quaint fancies of her brother Dick.
Dick, the handsome, the talented, the
gentlemanly-heeis all this and more in
his sister Janet's eyes-is sitting on the
window-seat, the sun bathing his
shapely figure in its impartial rays. He
is reading the morning paper; with
more interest probably than most men
are wont to have, for he recognizes the
mannerism of each writer on the editori-
al page-he is on the editorial staff him
seh-and takes pleasure in seeing how
Smith treats the Eastern question, what
Jones thinks of the condition of the In
dians, and what Brown has to say on
the presidential policy. He has not
written stroke for over week him.
self. He has--been quite i'll; heavy
cold threatening pneumonia has kept
him prisoner at the cottage, and fol
seven mornings has the public been de-
prived of the pleasure and profit of pc
rusing his timely and caustic remarks
upon general topics. Only yesterday he
stepped across the threshold into man
hood; it was his twenty-first birthday
to-day he is citizen of the republic.
The clock on the mantel-shelf tinkle:
forth eight silvery notes. Dick looks w
from his paper with some show of i'm
patience. Where can Janet be? AS i
in answer to his thought, the doc
opens, and Miss Roy, tall and graceful
in dress of olive-green serge, in charm
ing contrast with her light golden hair
comes softly in.
Have you been waiting long, Dick? |?
she asks, in a pleasant, kindly voice
'' must have oversight myself" W
No." replies Dick, throwing dow
his paper and yawning .languidiy, "no
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08

Mr. John A Albee leetured in New York
on the English language. The transla-
tion of the Bible by King James trans
lators and the writings of the Elizabethan
dramatists were the most powerful in
fluences, Mr. Albee thought, in mould
ing and fixing the language. Il was for
tunate that the Bible had been trans
lated when the best style of language
that Of the great dramatists-was in
vogue. The translators, too, had been
inspired, and inspiration found voice,
beauty and vigor IN the simplest ex-
pressions. The Bible, then, had met the
necessities of those who objected to parts
Of the drama Note the difference" !"
said the lecturer, in conclusion, be-
tween the unaffected simplicity and
power of the writings of those times with
the obscure, affected style of to-day
Now we do not ask but inquire; q wO-
man is female: father paternal rela-
tive; We do not give but donate; we
never 60, begin, cat, get, but proceed,
commence. partake, receive; when
younger we had rooms, but now apart
ments; then there were singers, now
vocalists; and it is pleasant to believe
that no one now gets drunk, but intoxi-
Gated. See the contrast. In the Bible,
the most thrilling and best written of all
books, ninety-six per cent. of the words
are Anglo-Saxon; in Shakespeare, eighty
six per cent. and in Tennyson's Ar
thur 5000 of the $500 words are mono
syllables. And so therank of all writers
of fame unquestioned is graded by the
proper use of more or less of the Saxon
language. The union of powerful
thought and perfect words is like the
clearest water in the clearest glass; the
water and the glass seem but one sub
stance.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08
Funny Uncle Phil.

Funny Uncle Phil.
/ heard the grown folks talking last night whe1
~ lay abed,
So I shut my eyes and listened to everything
they said;
And first they said that Polly and Phil were
as coming here, IA &ffEl F4Sa
And good old soul was Polly, but Phil was
always queer.
And they never, never, never, in all their lives
could see
How Polly came to marry him. nor how they
could agree;
For she was just bright and sweet as any
flower in May,
But he was tight as a drum-head, and as black
$50 as a stormy day.
And his nose was always poking into other
M folk's affairs, gIaE
And he was altogether too fond of splitting
hairs;
And he had so many corners you never could
come near
Without your hitting some of them, or being in
constant fear.
Well, 1 listened very hard, and l 'membered
every word,
And thought it was the qucerest thing body
ever heard; -
And in the evening, when heard the chaise
come down the hill,
1 almost couldn't wait to see my funny Uncle
Phil.
But, oh what stories grown folks tell He
wasn't black at all fa.
And he hadn't any corners, but was plump and
fair and small; s7R atasR7 isEH
His nose turned up little, but then it was so
wee,
How it could poke SO very much | really
couldn't see
And when he saw me staring, he nodded hard
and smiled; f
And then he asked them softly if 1 was Elsie's
child;
And when grandma said was he took me
gently on his knee,
And wound my longest curl about his finger
carefully. ~ tle eczaas
And he told me bout my mamma when she
-sEa was q little girl,
And all the time he talked he kept his finger
on that carl;
TIL at last / couldn't stand it, and slipped
down by his chair,
And asked him how he came to be SO fond OF
splitting hair
My how he stared and Jimmy laughed,
and grandma shook her head
And grandpa had his awful look, and Uncle
Sam turned red;
And then the clock ticked very loud, the
ts kitchen was SO STILL
And knew twas something dreadful / had
said to Uncle Phil
But couldn't help it then, SO I told him every
word, -sr5s
And he listened very quietly; he never spoke
nor stirred,
TIL told him bout the corners, and said 1
didn't know
How he could have SO many when there didn't
any show.
And then he laughed and laughed till the
kitchen fairly shook;
And he gave the frightened grown folks such a
bright and funny look,
And said, Tis true, my little girl, when Polly
married me
I was full of ugly corners, but she's smoothed
them down, you see."
And then they all shook hands again, and
Jimmy gave three cheers,
And Uncle Sam said little pitchers had most
monstrous ears;
And grandma kissed Aunt Polly; but then she
looked at me,
And said I'd better mediate while she was
getting tea
That means that must sit and think what
naughty things I've done;
1t must be cause I'm little yet-they seemed
to think twas fun.
L don't quite understand it all; well, by and by
Creep softly up to him, and ask my funny
Uncle Phil
-.fmelia DatIey--flden in Wide .dtcake.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08
For IN tlhstinate CoDgh.

If you have an obstinate cough, take
the following to druggist, and have
him prepare it:
II. Pix liquida, 90 drops.
Spts. nitr. dulc., drachm.
Syr. Symplex, ounces.
M. S. Teaspoonful night and morning.
He should charge you but little for it,
as it is cheap. 1t is the favorite pre-
scription of an eminent Western ply
sician, who says that he has obtained
very tiattering results from its USE
Health and Home.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1879-04-08
TIMELY TOPICS.

One would hardly deem these strin-
gent times when, upon scrutinizing the
report of the commissioner of internal
revenue he learns that during the past
fiscal year no less than ,905, ,O63, 600 cigars
were smoked, which at ten cents each
amounted in value to $3.50, ,506, 300. In
addition to this there was also consumed
25, ,312, ,438 pounds of tobacco of the ag-
gregate value of 100000
An Austrian clockmaker named Jean
Writz is said to have invented rifle with
which from 400 to 450 shots can be fired
each minute. The mechanism of the
weapon has some resemblance to the
movements Of watch, and the cart
ridges are SO arranged as to form part
of heightened ribbon. The handling Of
the piece is said to be q very simple
affair; and the inventor is engaged in per
fecting those parts. proved by expert
ments to be defective, in order that the
arm may be used in war.
A singular instance Of human
eredulity is reported from Munich. The
fenced there about six months ago to a
DCI1h vi llDAlcOlllnCliI lOl 1ldt ll0a SWl0-
died the public out of many millions by
her banking institutions (the Dachauer
Banken), conducted, as she asserted. for
the furtherance of the interests of the
Roman Catholic religion, tried again.
after her liberation from prison, to earn
a living on the stage. Finding that this
could not be done, she has returned to
Munich and again opened bank. De-
posits, on which she pays eight per cent.
monty interest, are brought to her in
abundance, and, of course, another catas-
trophe will occur.
The late ameer of fAfghanistan was uni
versally called the e mailman 2 through
out his dominions, and SO great was the
awe in which he was held by his sub
jects, the Times of India says, that no
one dared tell him Of the defeat Of his
troops on the Peiwar Khotal by the Eng
lish invaders. Shere Ali sat in his coun-
cil-room waiting for news, but no one
ventured to tell him the result. At last,
the mother, of Abdulla Ian sent her lit
tie girl to tell her father. He was talk
ing eagerly as the child entered, and she
tried hard to blurt out her message. % Nv
mother says | am to tell your highness
- but the ameer kept putting his hand
on her her mouth, as the discussion was
important. At last he turned to her,
Well, what is it, little one Pr The child
came siding up, all eyes upon her. /" Nv
mother says am to tell your highness
the Sahibs have crossed the Khotal. y
An instant stampede from the neighbor-
hood of the ameer closed the council.
Yu1na Gal hasa lannon's 1.ooeter- and
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05

SMOKE Coldstcln', La coquetto" Havana cigars
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05
o.. CITY NOTES.

The only Turkish (hot air. Bath in the city, 500
Street. near Judiciary Square, DR.. II, l.. Bovee.
"a permit has been Issued to Thomas J.. Hume
10 build store at No. 6l2 Louisiana avenue for
$500.
Not the only hot air. but the largest and finest
Turkish bathrooms south of New York city at 9O3
Street northwest.
The best Vienna bread In the city can be OBJ
tanned only at +, Freunds 7O2 Ninth street north
west also confectionery
The Mount Pleasant Lyceum next Saturday
evening will debate the subject OF the proper
method of distributing public lands.
Charles Turner was arrested in the western
part Of the city, by officer Dreamer yesterday for
shooting Officer Layton in the leg last Thursday.
E-Frank Harmer, OF this city, entors II twenty.
seyen-hOur contest, In Baltimore, tomorrow,
against Tracy, Stevens, Brodie and pedestrians
from the North.
The death of Darkey Homer an old oolored
woman III years OF agc, who has been living with
n COlorcd fumly Mt No. II Pierce street northwest
was registered at the Health ONCE yesterday.
The first diploma Of award Issued by the Ma
tionGl Fair Association Is on exhibition at Wlllett
" RuOflTs. II Is very handsomely Autographed,
f. X, Ward, the dairyman, had tho honor of re-
ceiving the first diploma.
When the funeral procession was returning
from Glenwood cemetery after the funeral Of Mr..
Mclean Yesterday, the horses attached to one OF
tho carriages ram away on Genwood road and ran
over n colorcd boy named Thomas Cary, living at
No. SO Fourth street and injured him soriousl y.
COOred boy named Major VAS run over by the
same vehicle and had his leg broken.
THE rabble which was following the colored
Odd Fellows up Thirteenth street last night got
into general row near X street, and was creating
considerable excitement aud not little blood was
being drawn, when Ohcer Grant appeared upon the
scene and Colared Daniel jackson and Charles
Smith, thus putting quietus upon the hostile pro-
Cecdinbs,
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05
At JENNINGS TOMORROW.
Tho Rifle at Short aud Long Range-Thre'


The Columbia Rife Association receiving infor-
nation that W. NJ. Farrow, of Now York. the cec-
brated off hand shot Is to visit the city, arriving
this evening has arranged for three matches OH
the range at Bcnnings' tomorrow. 49,
Tho first will begin at II o'clock a M, and viii
be the regular 200 aud 300 yards of hand, season
badge match, ten shots at each distance, any rifle
under the rules; entrance fee iiny cents, open to
all corners
Tho second VIII open promptly at o'clock p. m
at long rango-Slo 900 aud 1000 yardS-anv rifle
under tho rules. fifteen shots at each distance; c-
trance fec fifty cents, orc. - ali comcrs, and VIII
DC INC r9Sitini lunsrnnge season badge match.
The tiird will be special subscription match,
any regular military rifle with regulation sights
and trigger pull, 30 and 800 yards, on.hand ten
shots Mt each distance, entrance fee my cents,
open to all cOmcrs, Fly per cent. OF the entrance
money will be awarded MS tlrst prize, thirty per
cent as second and twenty per cent as third prize
In this match A gentleman of one OF the Depart
ments of the city has presented very handsome
metal fob chain and seal, on which Is an appro-
pirate design, to be awarded to the rfeman making
the lowest score In this match
II viii be remembered that Mr.. Farrow Is the
young gentleman who on his visit to the rifle
matches of Europe the past summer took the first
prizes IN all the short-range matches In England
and Franco, aud also the first prize in one of the
lOng-rangc matches In England. Mr. Farrow viii
shoot In the matches at Bemnings tomorrow.
Those who contest In the matches ct II u, IN. and
y. nj. will nd II necessary to go out on the l3) a.
m. train, Baltimore 4 Potomac railroad. Those
who cannot 20 on this early train will b. In time
for the military rifle match at 2 p. M, by taking
the 100 p. M train.
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05

James Baylor. Zachariah Baylor aud Mile
Baylor all cOlorcd, were placed on trOl yesterday
the charge of arson. In setting fire to dwelling.
house No. PIC o street northwest, the properly OF
Martha Baylor and Virginia Lewis, Oh the hight Oi
October 80 1879. The evidence showed that there
were two families 10y the same name and that the
accused lived In house No. 2li, adjoining No. ZIG
owned by Martha Baylor and her daughter
Failing to get the rent the owners had the tenants
put out. which incenscd them aud they vowed u
nave satisfaction. About o'clock IN the morn
ing OF October 30 the occupants Of No. PIG were
awakened by tho fire In No 2ll: got up and went
out doors Tie latter house was burned to the
ground and the other guitcd but WAS cxtingulshed
Tho parties accused. while not seen To ignite the
building were seen in the vicinity and coming
away Immediately after tie lire was discovered
The trial is still on.
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05
AN oDD-FEILoy,s ousEoUIEs.
Funeral of the Lnte w. II. Mclean Ycster-
dav Aftarnnou


Probably one OF the largest funerals ever wit
messed In the District was that of tho late William
X. Mclean, which took place yesterday from odd.
Fellows Hall, on Seventh street. The remains OF
the deceased were conveyed from his residence to
the hall yesterday morning under the escort of q
detachment Of Uniformed Patriorchs, commanded
by Captain John r. Chauncey, and laid In state
during the day, hundreds Of friends visiting the
hall for parting look. The floral offerings were
numerous aud beautiful, the most noticeable being
handsome broken column composed ofwhito How
ers, surmouued with violets, floral pillow, in the
centre OF which was the inscription. Rest and the
insignia Of the order three links and crossed crooks
OF choice exoticS The funeral services nazan ~ 2
o'clock priur TO wl!cl. members of the order of
Odd.Fellows and Typographical Union, No; l0l, en-
OF exercises was as follows: Anthem 10y the l. o;
O. r. choir lead by Mr.. John II. Seiffert, "Blessed
are the Dead burial service for the lodge.room
conducted by Grand Master A. H. Gawler and
Grand Chaplain Alexander Ashley; quarete,
Rest, all Rest" reading OF appropriate selections
from Scripture by Rev. r. H. Sweet, followed by the
sermon by Rev. Dr. A. II. Ames, OF McKendree
chapel; anthem "sleep Thy Last Sleep" by /. o. o.
7, choir prayer by Rev a. d. Grosh; quarettc, "Not
My VIII, But Thine be Done"
The body was then borne to the henrse by the
following pail bearers: =. q. Master A, II. Buck
Icy of the Grand Lodge 4. q. Patriarch u. A. Kid
der, OF Grand Encnmpment; X. 1roand and A.
Scott of the Uniformed ratriarchs: 7. S. l.. Thomas
Greer, OF Columbia Encampment; Il. &. Wright, OF
Columbia Lodge, aud Mcssrs Ramsey and Little
field, of typographical Union lOl
A procession was formed in the following order
| aud proceeded n Glenwood whore the ntermcnt
| took place Edward Dunn and ). l.. liable, Grand
| Marshas Of the Grand Lodge and Encampment
| respectively Webers band Uniformed PatriarChs,
under command of Captain j. t. Chauncey
| subordinate lodges In order Of Juniorlty subordi-
nate encampments, same order Grand Lodge,
Grand Eucampmcnt, Naomi Lodge Daughters of
Rebekah. In carriages; hearse containing body: T.
GRIND Sire W. w. Moore, District OF Columbia (;
| Grand Representative W. r. Myers Of Indiana
Grand Representative Rawlings, of Maryland; As
sstant s. q. Secretary Ross and Grand Representa-
| tive H. T. Grory of Baltimore aud p. q. Repre-
sentative c. u. X. Collidge. District of Columbia,
honorary pail bearers. aud carriages containing
| fnmily and friends Uf the deceased
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05

Professor Denton had another full house las,
evening at Talmadge Hall to hear of the Earlier
Forms of Life on the Earth" Tho eloquent and
earnest lecturer, BY interesting preliminary re-
marks, connected his subject with the ground that
had been gone over OH tho preceding evening. CIV
ing vivid running description of all the various
rock formations through the action of fire and
water during the cooling of the crust of the earth.
lie then proceeded TO describe life In Its first mp
ach or absorbent, and lived In pieces as well rs
undivided. up through the long ages of fishes aud
fowls and reptiles and beasts and vegetables, TO the
monkey and the man. Each division OF this sub
Jet was invested with indeScribable interest by
the convincing logic and inmitabe humor Of tho
lecturer, and the whole was afterward illustrated
by u series of stcreopticou Views which served to
fix his meaning firmly in the mind of the student
listener. His discourse was most enthusiastically
ture on the Goal Period" which is generally
esteemed the most deeply interesting of the course
ply the oil wells of Pennsylvania and tonight he
viii tell us how the coal fields originated.
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05

The annual meeting OF the Michigan State Asso.
citation was held last night In Bcck's Hall. will,
Mr. Maynard In the chair and Mr. p \, Auer score.
tary. The election for officers resulted rs follows
T. NJ. Marble. president: 2. Moses, vice.prcsldcnt:
7. A. Auer. secretary. and Levi Bacon. treasurer.
Pearlc was elected president pro lem. Attention
was called 10 the fact that Judge Edmunds the
first president of the association was lying at The
gan men had not called on him. committee
consisting of Mcssrs. Howell. Syckles and Maynard
was appointed to prepare resolutions In memory Of
their late comrnde, Zachariah Chandler. Mr.
william Webster was elected to membership. A
motion prevailed that q committee of three bt
appointed to inquire into the eXpediency Of turn
ing the association into political organ 10 further
the cause Of the Republican party. The meeting
was then adjourned
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-05

Detectives Coomes and Acton yesterday arrested
Nicholas Tibbs and his wife Elizabeth OH u charge
OF stealing box OF silk ncckties from drummer
on Seventh street, between n aud o. northwest.
Thompson had gone into the store OH business and
LEFT the box outside near the door The accused
picked 1t up aud escaped with It, Upon searching
their house portion OF the stolen property was
found secreted under II bed Both parties will be
introduced TO Judge Smell to-day.
The same officers arrested q young man named
August Saucr, who Is charged by his employers
with embezzllng funds from them to the amount
OF SIS. The prisoner was clerk in the show case
establishment Of SNuer IL Weldon on Eighth street
above tho Avenue, and It Is alleged that his pecu
lGtons have been carried on for some time past
He was committed 10 Jail for hearing to-day.