The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-10-09

PASSING SMILES.
EGGS come in layers, r7eY 9fsYs
APAIR Off an clipping couple.

The flower of the family is generally
found in sacque.
The man with no teeth is always
looking for soft thing. QaI L
THE new broom sweeps clean when it
is properly handled. f3Hq t.5.tfs
T HE trapeze performer is sometimes
heels over head in business, elalsft
A COLUMBUS (Ohio) young lady wants
to kiss Joe Jefferson. Let her, Rip.
AN undertaken at wedding is the
rite man in the wrong place. 't
WHY is ship the politest thing in
the world? Because she always advances
with bow. = kil,5ttH.l 81 EIlsEL
The time is coming when a buffalo
robe will cover two hearts taat beat as
one. 'Lt %-i -f
NERO, Pompey and Caesar are common
names for dogs, but wouldn't Agrippa
be more appropriate.
THERE are a great many people who
will never go to heaven unless they can
60 at excursion rates.
A MANS faith is often shown by the
length of time for which he subscribes
for his paper and pays for it in advance.
MAN wants but little here below.
True, and saleratus in the breakfast
biscuit is no exception to the general
rule. xsfssaF
A WAC who had lent minister
| horse that had run away and thrown the
clergyman, claimed credit for spreading
helgospel. ''''' '''s'
The supreme moment OF a loafers
| life is when a. candidate asks for the use
of his influence with the workingmen Of
his ward II ell .59s1g4al 8i. + Ydi
! A WISCONSIN city, in order to avoid
scandals in the girls schools has decided
that the leading teachers shall be
women. They want principals, not men.
STUDENT fresh from college, to con-
ductor: 60 wish to get on the penulti-
| mate car.Ya CeiductorffHs7WeI have no
peanut car; you can take the smoker"
Mutually disgusted. -
+ The Rochester Express tells of per
son who" was born, married and buried
on the same day. We never heard of
| any person being married as young as
i that. 13il ,sl.f'5 j. s
/ Il KNOW not which of the twain lifts
man the higher-genius or gentleness.-
we; but we'll back mule against
elLuGIs - lDOoCUJt = OcJs .
YOUNG Lady" John, how long shall
you be, as want to practice~ Gallant
Young Gardener with a noisy lawn
mower3;-" Oh, goo yeouw on, Miss Amy
| goo yeouw on! l shan't mind var
noise p'LL London Punch. t'4'st
4, AFTER you've tried it few times
you'll find it out that it isn't judicious
4 to give the man across the table the
point Of an overwhelmingly funny story
Just as he has filled his mouth with
coffee. 49,. s..,- ,.....fr -.
HORSES seem to require more water
4 now than during the summer, and it's a
A poor, ,neighborhood that has no saloon
! with aopump, in; front. Somehow the
4 animals like to drink in front of a
4 saloon. n - 35&Nia 5fti ilil ioetts-
Iris against the law to carry concealed
arms, yet it is nothing uncommon on
moonlight evenings to see young ladies
4 with half, concealed arms around their
waists. But they amt the kind that go
j off; they stay there.
| JOE Cook is at Tconderoga ciphering
out the reason why the unknown pre-
ponderance of the luminous ego causes
I Heterogeneous infnity of the deplorable
J bioplast to give way before the laughter
. of the soul at itself. a ilf y aa'
4 "a LoNpo9N DON servant girl is represented
by Judi as saying: Hard weather, in
deed, sir. 1 wish the Lord would take
the weather into his own hands again,
instead of trusting it to them Yankee
4 probability men. We might then get
i something fit to live in." qa9
4 l;sffTHE first step toward getting re-
munerative employment" says the Bos-
ton Transcript, 2" is to learn to do some
thing that everybody can't do.'i just
50; one might, for instance, learn to
stand on his head and play on Jews
. harp. gsa1 : '.o5
j M 9THANK God for free Gospel" said
an old, church member, suddenly carried
away by the eloquence of the preacher.
FiNe-and-twenty years have been a
church member, and it has not cost me
as many coppers." :" May the Lord for
give your stingy seulp saidthe preacher.
4 Ze@ GLEN! is dem punkins meller?'
!, "Why, dem amt punkins; denis aigs' ?
4 ""Aigs! go way Glenn, youm steppin' on
], fax; why, aigs don't KUN, wild yaller
shells" 90 yes, Pompy dem Chiney
fellers duz up chores differen' from us,
I an aeir chickens alters draps deir aigs
4 wid' de yelk turned out." y.,sus 80
l. ars AaYoUNG lady was endeavoring to
impress upon the minds of her Sunday
school scholars the sin and terrible
Il punishment of Nebuchadnezzar, and
1. when she said that for seven years he
= ate grass like COW, she was astonished
by a little girl, who asked, "Did he give
milkT'
A LADY with little boy went into a
well known restaurant the other day,
and after the two lad absorbed food,
( denurred against paying for what the
child had eaten, on the ground that he
was under ten years of age. 1t was
with some difficulty that she was made
tolunderstand that railroad rules do not
apply in eating saloons. . ss5g rs
THEY were courting: "What makes
the stars so dim to-night" she said,
5 brighter" he whispered, pressing her
little hand. They are married now:
81 wonder how many telegraph poles il
would take to reach from here to the
u stars" she remarked, musingly. Zone,
I If it is long enough" he growled. "Why
3 don't you talk common senser'
4 bs +" How much for d, pears' he asked,
and with a chuckle paid the three cents
demanded. Then came the joke.
only took "a pair" he said, exhibiting
7 two. of the articles. And what a satisfied
y grin that plinster started away with!
! aAll right shouted the huckster to him,
pears ere only a cent a piece, but
knowed you'd be up to some dodge.
!, You. keep the joke, old buster, and I'll
keep the extra cent. s.,,g
CxoAn - Ccnso<v T., vI1;nnic
IsI A woman with the, unheroic name Of
Nancy Jane Pratt, in Iroquois county,
lIlnIlGnois ordered hunter off her farm on