The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-12-05
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VARIETIES.

Don't buy thermometers now. They'll
be lower after while
People never cough after taking my
medicine" wrote quack doctor in his adver.
| tisement, and the proofreader uueried it with
SIS it so fatal as that ?"
| Young ladies who wish to have small
mouths are advised to repeat this at frequent
intervals during the day: Fanny Finch fried
five floundering frogs for Francis Fowler's
father"
"A Boston lady lost pocket-book con.
tanning $500, and when an honest little boy
returned it to her she was SO grateful that she
gave him great deal of good advice and
didn't charge him cent for it.
'-Feller spoke disrespectful of my sister
said he'd bet she was cross-eyed, and ! sailed
in" us your sister cross-eyed ?" the repor.
ter inquired. "Hain't got no sister," was the
reply. at was the principle of the thing
what | got licked for"
The shrinking of the water in Tulare
Lake, Cal, has uncovered q prehistoric set
| Element, stone buildings, traces of canals once
| bordered with planted trees and other evil
dences of occupation by an unknown race,
| being clearly defined as the water subsidies.
This, from Pech's Milecaukee Sun, is very
good advice: "a man has just died in the
Portsmouth IN. H. Poorhouse who is 118
years old and who had been an inmate of the
poorhouse for seventysix years Young man
/ if you want to live to q good old age quit
your carousing and go the poorhouse."
-Jollboy. "Wcll, old boy, Pm sorry to
see you looking SO down. What's the mat
ter?" Friend. "Oh, I've Just lost cousin
of my wifes." Jolliboy Dear Dear why,
it was only the other day l met you, you had
lost your mother-in-law's sister. What a
careless man you are?"
1t is related that Webster and Clay were
once standing ON the steps of the Capitol
when drove of mules passed, moving south
ward. "There comes some of your constitu-
ents, Mr. Webster" jokingly remarked Mr.
Clay. "Yes," replied Mr.. Webster They are
going to Kentucky to teach school,"
"A Dragging nobleman. once said at table
that he had shot a buck through the hind
hoof and the ear with one bullet, and called
on his ready-witted serving man for corro-
boration. The servant scratching his head
replied that the buck was scratching his ear
at the critical moment, and added in an under
tone to his MASTER "For mercy sake, my lud,
next time don't make it so hard to make both
ends meet"
"A Dilemma-"What are you puzzling
not from the dear Duchess as you call her
She's done me the honor to write and ask if
that ST. Bernard pup gave her should be fed
on meat or biscuits" Well, biscuits,
shouldn't it ?" "Of course But she spells
biscuits with X, you see, and | don't like to
spell it properly for fear ofhurting her graces
feelings and yet don't want it to get about
that Ispel biscuits with K" Say meat,
then p' ''But she spells meat with two Esp
"A boy called to see General Vance, He
modestly communicated his wishes to the
door. keeper. "Have you a card, sir?" he
grutfiy growled. Cards." said the boy,
thoughtfully, mechanically running his hand
in the rear pockets of his coat. mo, sir: /
don't carry EN-" "Where are you from?"
inquired the door-keeper. North Carolina"
was the prompt answer. "Well, how do you
do in North Carolina when people go visit
ing?" "Why, they ride up to fellers fence
and holler to him to tie his dog and they get
down and go in" was the laconic reply