The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1879-02-20

And my heart, it beats high at the prospect
That when life's rough journey shall end,
shall meet you all safely in glory,
Is the most humble wish Of your friend.
lSAdIersoiHe, 1868.
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
THE PlE.EATER.
Varied and Thrilling Adventures
of the Champion OF Posey County.
eyes, sir; Pm the champion pie
eater of the United Stated. You've
probably hearn tell of me-"
"Sit down, Mr."
"Guzzler, sir. Champion Guzzler,
sir, of Posey county,"
Mr.. Guzzler accepted the proffered
chair, sat his cone-shaped hat on the
floor at his side, and swapped legs till
they intertwined like the wires in a
bridge cable. Then he swung his head
halfway round until his mouth was
on a dead level with the .grate, when,
after several sputtering spasms of the
muscles of the lips, he fired. Although
it was long range, the pie-eater evil
IDENTIFY knew his calibre. The chain
shot struck the fire amidships, and the
cloud of ashes and steam which arose
reminded one of the effects of bomb
in a sand fort.
. "You see, Mister Editor, I thought
as how I'd step in and tell you some
of my experience during the two years
of my professional career. You can
print it in your newspaper if you like,
I don't keer."
He turned up the lapel of his coat
and exhibited a badge.
"D'ye see that, stranger ?"
eyes," we ventured. "New style
button"
Button! Hell, no! Why, thet's
my badge. Thet's me championship
medal"
Then he let fly second shot at the
CRATE, but, being less careful of his
bearing, it went wide of the mark and
pretty nearly knocked the fender
senseless.
"These here fellers what walk SO
many miles in SO many dissecutive
hours are all frauds. Everybody ought
to be able to walk. Thet only requires
legs and wind. But it takes man OF
indomtable character to eat pie"
"How did you first get into the pro.
fession, Mr.. Guzzler?"
cpl tell ye, Mister, how that was
One day cum up hyar to the city and
went into a bakery to get something to
eat. I was ALFRED hungry, and the
first thing seed was table full OF
fresh baked pies. An idea struck me-
I axed the baker what he'd take to lei
me eat as many of them pies as
wanted. He looked at me all over, and
after taking my measure, he said ]
might have cart blank commission
for fifty cents"
Mr.. Guzzler paused to smile and stil
up the ashes in the crate.
"I took him up and paid my half.
dollar rather rashly. I he'd no sooner
done it than I regretted my rashness
kinder, and offered him a dime to
let me off, and I'd pay fur what I got.
But he said a bargain was a bargain.
Then I got mad and set to work, be-
ginnin' with the species called apple
I had absorbed eight pies and was on
the pint of quartering a pumpkin
beauty, when I became aware that the
baker was interested. When the third
pumpkin pie had succumbed he tried
to buy me off. Said he'd give me back
a quarter if I'd call it square. I told
him guessed not. Now that / had
got my hand in I reckon I might just
as well see how far I could go without
bursting a blood-vessel. Then tack
led a new row and laid 'em in promis
pies of assorted variety on that table
and swamped 'em all. If the pies
hadn't given out might have foune
my capacity then and there. The ba
ker was speechless. L axed him twice
before he could answer whether ht
knew of any tavern near by where
could git a square meal. He said h'
didn't, but there was a pork house ou
at the Stock-yards. As 1 went out o
the door heard him tell his boy to &c
and build the fire up in the oven agin.
Guzzler here knocked the life ou
of live coal in the CRATE. Then h,
continued out of one corner of hi!
mouth while he kept the other sid'
closed, as if afraid his quid might es
cape.
eyes, sir. Well, 1 hadn't got to thu
corner when the baker came running
up, and, said he, I've got an idea.
thought he was going to say he hat
baked some more pies, but he only
wanted to make a deposition. He sait
there was millions in it-that plan o
his. I should travel and give free eat
ing exhibitions. He would furnish
the pies if I would perform, and we't
divi de the profits. I agreed, and W.
drew up articles of partnership"
"Well ?" we suggested, intensel.
interested. as he hesitated with a rue
full cast of countenance.
| cit didn't work. The baker lost OF
the pies, and drew out at the end O
the second week $3.50 behind"
"People didn't appreciate your tai
ent " we suggested.
"Yes they did, though. That's wha
swamped us. It warn't the natura
business that cost, but the angcores
You see they insisted SO much on m
repeating an act that the pies piled u
like thunder. Maybe you wouldn'
believe it, but I've been called out be
fore the curtin as many as six time
in a night"
He stopped to reconnoiter for the q
feet of his statement. Feeling assure
he added:
"An' every time had to eat anott
ler basket Of pies"