River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-01-09
Miscellaneous Items.

No bird is actually on the wing. Inc
wings are on the bird.
Take away women" asks a writer,
sand what would follOwp We would.
Give us something harder next time.
1t is said that Joaquin Miller is getting
to be less of an ass than he used to be.
He has had his hair shingled and has
taken bath
A German having lost his only son, was
unable to account for the cause OF his
deata, as he was ''youst so fat as butter,
and had such big ct Elmtra, ". 7.
AdUertiSer.
doesn't Boston harbo- remind you of
the Bay of Napies2" asked an enthusi-
astic yachtman. Eyes" was the answer,
sat least in one respect. They are both
full of water"
Bigoted. bigoted Niger" said
Sam to Pete Biqoted, what you mean by
dat2" asked Pete. why" replied Sam,
'sbiqoted means you know too much for
one niger, and not huff for two"
Square umbrellas are reported as the
latest thing in Paris That's nothing.
We have been useing square umbrellas a
long time, al least they are never round
when wanted-R0me Sentinel.
An inveterate wag, seeing heavy door
nearly off its hinges, in which condition
of neglect it had been for some time oh
served, that when II had fallen and killed
some one, it would probably be hung.
A good character ish pretty much der
same TO man ash goot umbrella. Ven
larg clouds threaten over his head, all
he ish got to do vas to bold him up. and
der storm bases over, he is none der
Yorse.
One time a lion met an elephant and
the elephant sed: "You better 60 and get
your hair cut" But the lion sed Bah l
shant resent feller's insult witch has got
his nose tween his own teeths. '-LiHLe
Johnny.
"Be ever ready TO acknowledge favor, "
says writer, We are, sir; we are. What
troubles us is that ON one side we are
completely loaded down with readiness,
while on the other side opportunity is
painfully scarce.
Jones,the man who was recently tarred
and feathered in Reno, Cal, spends Iuost
of his time in reading the hotel registers
in San Francisco. He carries two load
ed revolyers and will talk with nobody.
| 1t is surmised that he is insane.
A sort of crazy Jack Cade was lately
/ before London magistrate. He said he
was King of his own right, and when
he got his kingdom every gentleman that
was a gentleman should have a title, and
all the money should be divided so that
all might share alike.
Mrs. Clarke defeated her Shakespeare
Proverbs to Jerrold in the following
words ITO Douglas Jerrold, the first wit
of the present age, these Proverbs OF
Shakespeare, the first wit of any age, are
inscribed by Mary Cowden Clarke, of a
certain age and no wit at ALL"
"Do YOU mean to say, positively, mad
am" said lawyer to witness, "that the
person referred to never left his native
village after the day of his marriage2' Il
do" "How do you know he never dldT
because ] saw him buried in the VII.
lage graveyard the same afternoon
An inquisitive country gentleman thus
accosted a boy who was tending pigs
aBov, whose pigs are thost 2" 'FThe
sow's sir" was the prompt reply. We'll
then, whose SOW is it2" "Father's.o "Well
we'll, who is your fatherl" "If you will
mind the pigs, / will run home and ask
my mother"
At the funeral of q once-famous actor
in New York, some time ago, considera-
BILE delay was occasioned by the fact that
the coffin would not fit in the sides
OF the hearse. Another hearse was
brought, and brother actor remarked
"You might know this was poor BIS fun
eral He was always late at rehearsal
Before beginning the second pslam fol
the day, Glasgow minister reached
down into his pocket and took a pinch Of
snuff. Even yet he cannot understand
what there was in the first verse of the
psalm to make the congregation smile
when he read, "My soul cleaveth to the
DUST
| How much will you charge for DO
logna sausage that shall reach from onC
Of nv ears 70 the otherl" asked soldier
In Berlin of dealer Fifty kreutzers,
was the reply. ~ take the Offer replied
the soldier: some of my ears was cut of
in battle a thousand miles from here
/ There was eompromise.-E'rehdnge.
4 A newly welded Pennsylvania couple
visited Pittsburg, and for tine first tins
iBtheir lives saw and bought soma pea
nuts. "There, Mandy exclaimed tbs
, bridegroom, after a few moments of We
hement action. II knowed we'd be sold
I've been suckin' that darned thing fo
II i've minutes, and there amt bit ofjuic'
, in it. Come on, let's go.
A West Hill man painted feroeiou
looking sign, Look out for the dog.
! and pat it up in his front yard to scar
| away tramps. The next morning ;
tramp with bad smile, shoulders ike ;
load OF hay, a club witt death smiling on
) of every knot fit, trapped at the iron
door. demanded some hot biscuit, meat
! potatoes and cup of coffee, and asked
pleasantly, How is the doga'
A Germantown bachelor, being twitteC
bv some ladies with his single state, anC
. asked why it was he had never married
said
/ II don't know exactly how it is, but
Z have always felt an indisposition to mar
rage, csn,t see why it should be,eitder
! surely don't inherit it. for my father ant
. mother we're both married =