The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-03-27
WHOLE NO. 1857.
Miscellaneous.

A matter of cores-Apple sauce
Down in the mouth the root of the
tongue.
A dentist ought to make good actor.
He draws we'll.
A good deed-One conveying you $780,
600 worth of real estate
If you've got bad wife don't "liquor."
She might tap" you.
In boring for oil, if money was a shaft,
you could sink it mighty quick.
A printer asked his girl to "set" her
day when he might call, and she Satur-
day.
A Bridgeport artist has painted a very
natural fence, but the critics will picket
all to pieces.
Lawyers are never more earnest than
when they work with a will-that is, il
the estate is valuable.
Mrs. DR.. Mary Walker is going to lee.
tu.e on the Coming Woman" If the
coming woman learns this she won't
come.
SAlCdSO udS b new mOuGQly Call0Q
Faiths Record. Is there so little Faith
in Chicago that they must make .
Record of it2
He said but little yet as he gazed on
the mutilated edge of his best razor he
mentally vowed to never again marry
woman with corns.
There is no such word as fale in our
aAoka
bridged.
squatter's shanty out near the Park
bears this sign: Fresh eggs for sale, laid
every day by Mrs. Cooley"
Whether a lady claims a rubber shoe
which she has dropped in the mud de-
pends on the number of the shoe.
A Hartford beau has just made the
startling discovery that girls ribs run
up and down. OF course it's so.
The church festival season is nearly
over, and the solitary oyster will soon be
out of his stew.
In a Danbury clothing store is card
announcing: Perfectly fitting garments.
Every article sets as good as hem"
From J. Joshua Jenkins we learn that
"the need of the age is, more survival of
the fittest, and less yitally among the
other kind"
John writes to ask "if old Boreas ever
had any wives" Certainly Didn't you
ever read about the Merry Wives of
Wind, sir? p
Talk about orators why every little
newsboy in New York takes the stump
if enough of it is left un smoked to make
it worth while
E. B. Ward, of Detroit, died worth
Sl0,000,000. His will was contested, and
now there is scarcely poor lawyer in
the State of Michigan.
An American in Ireland, speaking of
Irish girls, says, 81 am sure Venus was
from Dublin" About twenty FIVE thou
sand miles from Dublin we should say.
Rev. Mr.. Talmage says ut never pays to
'ell blacking on the Sabbath" Perhaps
1ot; but some congregations prefer a
title "white-wash" on that day.
An old lady being asked to subscribe
or a newspaper, declined on the ground
hat when she wanted news she manu-
actured it herself.
Washington is prepared to sink $780,
100 in new onecent daily. If one of
he stockholders were asked to contrib
lte $25 to an orphan asylum he'd be
ndigr ant.
An American dentist in Paris adver-
ised that he is the only tooth carpenter
Who took gold medal at the Exposition.
4 1a don't aau hot onuhodu him
axe It'll
What are you trying to read p asked
visitor of an old gentleman who was
lodding over the evening journal. "Ohl"
eplied his wife, "that's his snooze paper"
Pants for S." said a seedy looking
nan. reading the sign in the window of
. clothing store he was passing; $50 do
|; | never painted so for $5 in all my
Children's stockings are now made
louble over the knee, says fashion
paper. So is the child when the mother
inds it necessary to apply her slipper
TO it.
A man whose illtemper is chronic is
ust like a camel. They both got their
packs up when they were young, and
they have remained in that condition
ever since.
A temperance society in Connecticut
1ignifies itself by the appellation of mt.
Ararat Lodge" probably because that
noted mound was the driesU spot on
earth when Noah anchored there.
A mules head does not contain brain
capable of culture and refined rearing,
but it is wonderful to what an extent the
other end of him can be reared.
The Boston Post says: Julia Ward
Howe has gone to bathe her feet in the
river Jordan" We shall next hear that
the holy river is overhowing its banks.
The Cincinnati Saturday Night has an
article on "Mumps;" but the Utica OBJ
server finds fault with it for neglecting to
add that it is Ito be continued in our
necks."
Briggs, who has for ten consecutive
New Years, made a VOW to smoke no
more, and broke it as often as made,
says he decided this year to continue
and quit lying instead.
When solomon, to decide the owner.
ship of the child claimed by two women,
ordered it cut in two before him, wasn't
that the first recorded instance of part
ing his heir in the middle
A woman in New York says that when
her husband is little drunk he kicks
her, and that when he is very drunk she
kicks him; and she adds that she does
most of the kicking.
The best muzzle yet invented for a
mad man-after an unsuccessful bonn
bardment of the spot, or spots, where
musical cat stood-is the laugh of his