The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-03-06
THAT BLESSED BABY.
How q MAN rlayed Csrcu. with she LitsIe

How . MAN kslayed Circus wsth che LittIe
Darling.
Mrs. Oxtoby went shopping, yesterday,
and left her baby with Mrs. Archsble to
be taken care Of, and it was sitting on
the floor very happy, with playthings
galore, when Henry came in. eii
"Hello, ole gal made raise, have
your Phweet Phweetl Say, young
fellow, how's your colicH" The baby
made no response OF an intelligible char
scter, and Henry sat down and stared
at 1t.
Babies Is queer things, now, amt
theyf just see that young imbecile
tryin' 10 chew up the potato-masher.
Now, he's takin' . taste of the stove
litter. That's a fine old moustache
you've made across your mug now. amt
itS Gosh hellol here, old woman,
quick The young un's swallowed half .
yard Of the poke"
Henry rescued the poker, and In doing
80 upset the baby and its temper. The
back Of its head was bumped, and it
howled, and Henry got q thirty-six>
pound lovepst alongside the ear, and the
baby was upended again, and the kinks
taken out of its temper with pOultice Of
bread and molasses so quick that the old
man thought he had got into hum
ming.top factory. Then Henry let the
baby alone and looked at the old woman
pickin' chickens. The baby wanted
some Of the feathers. and he reached it
hsndful, half of which it Immediately
spread on the bread and molasses, and
the rest it stuck around its mouth and
smiled through the adornment like
cosk-eyed parrot with the delirium
trenens, but it looked dreadfully happy.
Then it put some feathers in its mouth,
and rubbed the bread and molasses over
its bald head, cooed like two weeks old
wife, and next it turned purple all over,
and squirmed till its face looked like an
old gum boot that had been eating green
persimmons.
al don't believe this young one likes
feathers along with his grab" said
Henry, refectively, and Mrs. A. turned
round on him like . volcano that was
sick at the stomach.
ooh you wretch p and he want
sure whether abe hit him on the ear or
top Of the head first, it was done 80
quick. Then she grabbed up the incipi-
ent Oxtoby and ran her finger down its
throat as though 1t were stocking, and
she wanted to turn 1t inside out.
"There," she exclaimed, as she held
up three feathers and waved them mem
scingly before her bosom's lord, "ses
what you've done For half nothing at
all I'd ram them down your foel
throat. Here. see if you can hold this
child q minute without killing 1t, till I
get towel" and she pumped the young
one on his knee and went up stairs.
Baby cooed and kicked, and got hold
of Henry's finger, which it inspected with
great csre, and then put it in its mouth;
then Henry ripped out q signal Of dis
tress that scared the baby ~ stiE as a
telegraph pole.
"Qu;t hollerin' at that child In that
way !" shouted Mrs. A. from upstairs.
"Do you want to scare 1t to death?'
"Scare thunder it's me that's ascarin'.
'Spose I want my fingers taken off for
liver puddin' and eat BY cannibal
babys"
Then he added to the child: "Hsrs
old fellow, I'll give you something to
ehaw on. Pussy, pussy, pussy" and -
he lifted the cat on his lap, the young
one grabbed its tail inserted It In tn
mouth and shut down on 1t. The cat
swors and spit and sunk sbeut twenty
claws ct once into Hsnrys leg.
"O-u-e-hl Bloody nurdsrl Take him
OIL" and a. the agonissd man lsaped to
his feet, he shot baby into the Goa
seutsle and kicked the eat over the stove
into the buckwheat cake batter. He
had just opened his mouth for Q whole
sale swear, when he got . glimpse Of
Mrs. A. descending upon him Ike day
Of wrath, 30 he shot out of the front door,
forgetting that the landlord had taken
away the steps to paint them, and got
through falling when he jammed his
bald head against the board fence on the
other side of the street, in . way that
made his skull flop up and down like .
loose half sole in the mud.
When q neighbor came along and set
him up against fence, his right hand
fumbled around his head in dszed kind
of way, and he smiled vacantly up into
| his friends face.