Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-06-12
Helena, Montana, Thursday, June = 1879. \
ALL SORTS.

,Gotham's lawyers are the men to work
with will
, The Duke of Connaught, hy his marriage,
, becomes second cousin to hi> sister
| PRINCE LOUIS NAPOLEON was received in
, South Africa with cordial ,monstrations.
Parasols will be worn just high enough
this season TO rake out the eye of the tall
man.
MADAME ADELlNA PATTI. is now precisely
"a years old; and her voice is at the fullness
of its charm.
IT is announced ss by authority that Gen.
Butler will run for Governor of Massachu.
setts this fall.
The man who pulled down his white vest
for summer Wear struck the season too pre-
viously this week.
The youth who leaves off his overcoat to
enjoy balny spring is helping pay off the
mortgage on his doctors house.
There is more Joy over the dollar which is
4 found on the highway than there is over the
ninety and nine which were never lost.
A Texas jury arose after the evidence was
in and requested that the case 60 to them
without ''any lawyers speeches, and it did.
An enthusiastic Utica communist hates
kings and aristocra,s so heartily that he pro-
poses to put an end TO the royalty on patents.
A bird that wouldn't sing and woman
that wouldn't take up ,he carpet such fine
morning as this are uniting representatives
of their species.
About the guiltiest- looking people in the
world are a man accused of a crime of which
he is innocent, and newly-married couple
trying to pass for veterans
It.is six weeks since George Washingtons
body servant was last heard from. If this
should meet his eye will he communicate
with an anxious people without delay?
The jury that held an inquest over the body
of man frozen to death, brought in YER
dict ''that the thermometer was guilty of
murder in the tenth degree-below zero.
| That was clever Oakland boy who, when
be was given 50 to dig up his aunt's garden,
hid two-bit piece in it, and then told all the
boys of the neighborhood. The next morn
New London Telegram: There are two
little girls of the same name in this vicinity
The other nil ght one of them said her prayers,
| and for fear they might be credited to the
other child, she added, mo. 10 Orange
| street."
A little boy once called out to his father,
WIN Ao'l A1OuAICN uAS uOA sc AOI JUL ucy,
'Good bye, papa, love you thirty miles
long" A little sister quickly added ''Good-
bye, dear papa; you will never ride to the
end of my love-
81 suppose the bells are sounding an alarm
of fire, sneeringly said man as the church
bells were calling the worshippers one Sun
day morning; to which a clergyman who
was passing replied: eyes, my friend; but
the fire is not in this world"
A negro preacher described hell as ice
cold, where the wicked froze to all eternity.
Asked why, he said: ,'Cause don't dare
tell dem people muffin else. Why, if say
hell is warm, some dem ole heumatic niggers
be wantin start down der de very fus' fros'.'
''It is a standing rule of our church," said
one clergyman to another, ''for the sexton to
wake up any man he may see asleep" II
think, " returned the other, 'tbat it would be
much better for the sexton. when man goes
to sleep under your preaching, to wake you
up!"
On April 1, a grocer in the country took
some salt and other stuff and put sign on it,
''Beet sugar, twenty pounds for one dollar
Every man and woman who came in took
handful of it to taste, and then winked and
said nothing. 1t is in the country that they
have all the fun.
At the cooking lecture. lady soliloquizing:
'Now that she's got it cooked, wish she'd
tell us how to use up cold mutton" Next
lady overhears and remarks: Il have some
infalible recipes" First lady, alert with
pencil and notebook: "Will you please
favor me?" Second lady-"Six boys!"
SIR GARNET WoLsEY has been sent out by
the English government to take supreme
command in South Africa With the troops
being collected and the apparent ending of
the Afghan war, we may expect to see the
their native district, carrying war and CON-
motion into the interior, till the same thing
that gave the peninsula of Hindoostan to
English sway will achieve like result in
Africa. And who can, after all, be sorry to
such an end.
Having repeatedly fallen victim to pick
pockets, frequent traveller in the Paris onl-
nihuses determines to 60 fishing for them,
and placing in his pocket nothing but
piece of paper inscribed: 'Thats where you
are fooled yourself! !" he goes forth on
line. After twenty min
utes' ride, disguised at the absence of any
sport, he leaves the vehicle, and mechanical
" opening his pocket book sees q scrap of
blue paper in it. His note was on white pa
per! Opening the note he reads: ''Same to
you!"
MARK TWAIN, when asked why he had not
written book on England, said: "1couldn't
get any fun out of England. It's too grave
country. And it's gravity soaks into the
stranger and makes him as serious as every
body else. When was there couldn't seem
% think of anything but deep problems of
taxes, finance, free trade--and
svery night went to bed drunk with Stats