Litchfield enquirer., 1879-06-19

Frailty, thy name is Savings Bank
 Fourth of July is drawing alarmingly near
 Job was probably the first doctor, as he had patients. a. n
 A man who owns a good oii we'll is said to live on the fat of the land.
 The wretch who stole a pineapple and bunch of bananas got his dessert. t
 ''The Car fears the fate of Julius C-zar," reports a western journal. eyz, se
 The vulgar word ''hash'' is not heard in Bos- ton. That article is alluded to as a culinary symposium. ~ -& "a
 The Bradford Era thinks the only difference between small boy and glass of soda-water is five cents.
 In Russia man must pay his taxes or take a thrashing. This plan reduces the delinquent tax wonderfully. .rts@
 The cambakes of Rhode Island arc now in order. When the fat men have theirs they throw the shells over into Connecticut.
 Eli Perkins has gone to the Indian Territory. The noble red men now have a chance to do something for the good of the country.
 A statue has just been erected at Sydney, New South Wales, to the memory of Captain Cook. We believe he was carved there once before.
 Quack-So you prefer my medicine to those of pr. Pillsbury? Mrs. Muligan-- Och, in- lade, docther. dear, ye'er deal better than the other old umbug.
 A surgeon-mai0r troubled with the spleen re marks in melancholy tone "Everything alnoys me. no longer feel any pleasure in amputating limb. '"
 Dr. Holmes says: ''Poems are rarely printed correctly in newspapers" and he gives that as a reason why so many poets die young. Who says that the press is not an engine of good.
 AoDE
 There was young fellow who owed,
 Thirteen dollars more than he knowed.
 He got heastly drunk,
 And never once thunk,
 Of the large sum of money he owed.
 Speak of mans marble brow and he will glow with conscious pride, but allude to his wooden head and he's mad in minute. Lam guage is slippery thing to fool with much.
 young man went into a restaurant the other day, and, remarked that "Time is mon- ey" he added that, as he had a half-hour to spare, if the proprietor was willing, he d take it out in pie.
 Now is the season of the year when the man who sees the sign, Fresh Paint. will walk up to the door, leave the marks of his dirty fing- CTS on it and go away muttering to himself, That's SO,
 Two men started out on a wager to sec which could tell the biggest lie. No. commenced: "A wealthy country editor--," Swhereupon No. 3 stopped him right there and paid the for; felt. @@s %4-
 When gay Lotharo of 70 trfies with the affections of young lady of % he ought to be compelled to adopt her and pay for her wedding outfit when she marries somebody else. ...... .... tl It is said that matches are made in heaven | If that is so, some. means are undoubtedly employed to deprive them of the strong odor of the other place which here hangs about them. a
 What" asked Professor Miles of smart boy in the history class-t'what did the Pill grim Fathers first do after landing at Plymouth Rock ?" 'Licked a hackman," replied the smart bad boy, who went to Niagara with his parents last vacation.
 A San Francisco clothing dealer is said to have, in good faith, offered Lawrence Barrett S100 night when playing Hamlet in that city, if he would, after uttering the words customary suits of solemn black" add sthe kind they sell at--for $24"
 When dressed for the evening" the girls now-a- days
 Scarce an atom of dress on them leave; Nor blame them, for what is an evening dress But dress that is suited to Eve 1? An exchange declares that the man who sat | down in the middle of pasture expecting that l a COW would come to him and be milked, is | not more foolish than the man who stocks his store and expects people to hunt him out and buy his goods without advertising. | A rural bride of considerable beauty went to Indianapolis on the honeymoon tour. Her husband was manifestly proud of her good looks. While they were going about the city she was struck in the face by a falling sign board, and her nose broken The attending surgeon said that she was badly disfigured for life. Just my alarmed luck," the husband exclaimed; property always goes to ruin in my hands," e---
 l A countryman, seating himself at fashion able restaurant with the intention of taking a | hearty dinner, summoned waiter and made known his purpose. The latter skipped brisk ly away, and finally returned with a handsome I bound bill of fare, which he opened and placed before the guest, who, pushing itaway, scornfuly observed: "Oh, come now, you can't cram no literature down me vittals is what want-vittals-a purity derned quick, l too" | We wish some mind reader would give us an analytical report of the thoughts that pass through a mans mind when he receives his tenth dun for four years subscription to his local paper, and immediately sits down and writes the tenth postal card to the editor that