Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-15
HunlOr,

Truth is strtranger tn an fiction, for
there is less of it
When a proud man is rolling out an
ash barrel, ahorse-car loaded with fash
lonaole ladies generally passes by
Uncle Sam.
The man who originated the saying.
Hurry Is the mark of weak mind. !"
never was chased by bull-dog.-Brad-
ford Era.
Japanese farms average about one
acre each in size, and it doesn't take
forever to hunt up the COWS in the pas
ture.-NeaO HuUen Register.
Judge: "Have you anything to offer
to the court before sentence is passed on
you?' Prisoner; 'No, Judge, [ had
$40, but my lawyers took that"
Miss Penny was saved from drowning
by Jonathan Smith. In equity she be-
ongs to Smith from this time hereafter
because Penny saved is Penny
earned.-ToIedo Commercial.
A correspondent asks: "What is a
bal?" A bat, my friend, is that part of
d brick which will encourage your
neighbours hens to vacate the bed of
peas which you have just planted
Waterloo Observer.
1t Is now said by scientific authority
that sleep commences in the feet and
extends to the head. Possibly the GUS
tom Of sitting with the feet toward the
pulpit may have something to do with it.
Turner's Falls Reporter.
A lawyer endeavored to browbeat a
witness by telling him that he saw a
rogue in his face. II never knew be-
FORE" said the witness, "that my face
was looking glass.
A lady engaged to be married, and
getting sick of her bargain. applied to a
friend to help her unite the knot before
1t was too late. "Oh, certainly" she re-
piled, 1T is very easy TO unite it now,
while it is only beau knot"
It's funny, but soft-palmed woman
can pass a hot plate to her neighbor at
the table with smile as sweet as dis
titled honey, while man with q hand
as horny as a crOckodile's back, will
drop it to the floor. and howl around
like Sioux Indian at q scalp dance.
Old bus-driver: "Now, there's lot O.
nice girls IN this 'ouse ere O. the off side.
sir. Their ma dresses 'em ont, their pa
drives 'em out, and | brings 'em down
young men of a Sunday, you see; and
yet they don't seem to go off, some
how p-Pulcb
The following is told of a young gen
tleman who was passing an examina-
ton III physics: He was asked, "What
| planets were known to the ancients?
'Well, sir" he responded, "there were
Venus and Jupiter, and, after pause
q think the Earth, but Pm not quite
certain"
BEAUTIFUL SPRING.
In one month more we'll have the rose,
| OF love a true reminder:
And, be it said, We'll also have
| The festive organ grinder
With monkey attachment
-NeW York Star.
| A lady named Mary MaguI-ah
Had trouble in lighting her f-ah
The wood beng green,
| She used kerosene
! (PauSe. Then continue sOlemnly):
She has gone where the fuel s dr-ah.
Mike was asked if he believed in Sec
ond love. Faith an [ do'' said he.
"If you have pound of sugar, isn't ii
swate? And when that's gone don't
you want another, and isn't that swate,
too?"
For month, now, we advise all good
and peaceable husbands to supply
themselves with excellent cigars, and
spend as little time as possible in their
homes. Let them beware of stirring UP
the female temper; let them cease to
use authority in their households; lei
them take their meals occasionally out.
side; if they wish to rise high in female
honor, let them graciously assist al
the graet work of renovation.-BostOn
| Herald.
oh, the tickle springtme weather,
! When man is puzzled whether
| By the feeling OF MS pulse, ter
| Wear his buster or his ulster.
! If he goes without umbrella
| 1t is sure 10 Vet a Teller:
| If he thinks he ii have to use It.,
! He will set it down and lose it.
Springfield Union
The Rev. Mr.. Jasper, of Richmond
Va, who pins his faith on the notion
that "the sun do move" called on
Brother Scogin to open last Sunday
evenings service with prayer, and he
did so, as follows: 20 Lord, we's a
mighty abused people; Yves had hard
time in slavery; we's been all broken to
pieces; ives bow-lesged, knock-kneed.
bandy-shanked, cross-tyed, and great
many of us is hump-backed. Now,
Lord, we want to be mended up, and we
wants you to come an do it. Don't
send an angel, for dis is too big a job
for an angel. You made us, 0 Lord, an
you know our wants. an you can TX
us up as nobody else can. Come right
down yourself, and come quick"