Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-01-29
The Facts About Sam SNYDER,

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The Facts About Sam Snyder.
We were all sitting on the piazza in
front of Blyler's store, and Abner Byng
was there, with his legs cooked up
against post and his chair tilted back
DR.. Murray was running his eye down a
column of the country paper, when he
suddenly said:
Helioa! This is queer! Why, it SAYS
that an English chemist has succeeded in
distilling whiskey from saw.dust.
"That's nothing" said Abner Byng,
Tipping his thumb.
:" How do you mean, nothing?" asked
the Doctor.
"Oh, it's old, awful old. l knew
that years ago. Did you ever meet Sam
Snyder?''
"No, never met him."
Well, Sam was hard drinker-
must have rum by one means or another.
He had no money and nobody to trust
him or treat him. So Sam somehow
acsertained that whiskey could be made
out of sawdust, and do you know what
he'd do?"
"What?"
He'd get 30 drunk off fence-rail
and cross cut saw that he couldn't
tell Il COW from sugar cured ham.
Put him near to wood pile and saw
buck, and let him alone, and before
II o'clock he'd turp out the most de-
licious mint juleps you ever tasted.
Easily done, was it?'
Easily? Why, One time his family
tried to keep him sober by putting him
out on the roof and keeping him there;
and do you know what Sam did? Got a
boy to tie wash-boiler and four feet of
lead pipe to string, and Sam tished 'em
up, and in three days he had turned
every shingle into cocktails, and he fell
through into the garret in such fright
full condition of intoxication that they
had to give him electric shocks from a
forty-two cell battery to bring him back
to consciousness"
You know this to be fact, do you"
"Certainly: was there. Why, that
man acquired preference for liquor
made from wood, and three times, to my
certain knowledge, he got mania potu
from consumption of distilled pine
boards and potato-mashers, he drank up
four sets of chair legs; and, one Fourth
of July, when his wife stopped his de-
struction of the furniture, he celebrated
the day by calling in three or four friends
to drink new kind of er ergetic brandy
that he'd just made out of window-sill
and clothes-prop. Drink! Why, sir, l
pledge you my word, Snyder in a single
winter drank up smoke-bouse, three
wash-tubs, and front-door. Nothing
could stop him when he got going"
"Why did he prefer domestic uten-
sils9"
"He didn't. There was a wood out
back of his house that belonged to his
aunt. Sand 60 out there with a meat
saw, or any kind of a saw he could get,
and in two years he had stimulated his
system with eight chestnut trees, four
persimmons, one oak, fifteen saplings of
various kinds. Trimmed that grove out
SO that his aunt COUNT rent it to picnic
parties. Nearly broke the old lady's
heart, too"
Did he kill himself dnnking?"
"Well, not exactly. pll tell you
how it was. 1t seems that he was haunt
ed for long time with the idea that if
he could distill the Presbyterian Church
steeple he could turn out an article
that'd bear a resemblance, somehow, to
old apple brandy. Queer, wasn't it?
But the man was not exactly right; his
mind was diseased. So one night he got
on the roof of the church with a ladder
to steal the steeple. When he got there
Il dunno how it was, but the idea seem
ed to strike him to taste the thing, may be
to see if he was right about the flavor,
and-he must have been wild when he
did it-he actually swallowed the
weather cock, and there he stuck, whirl-
ing around all night as the wind struck
him! Dead? He was deader'n Martin
Van Buren when they come to take him
DOWN."
"He swallowed the weather cock, did
he"
eyes, sir, swallowed it."
"Well, that wasn't half as hard to swal.
low as your whole yarn" said Blyler.
You don't doubt my veracity,
hope% said Abner. "You do? we'll, il
you have quarter about you it viii
soothe my wounded feelings. l only
want "a"
Just at this juncture Blyler kicked
Mr.. Byng off the porch, and Abnel
walked away to the next tavern with 9
faint hope that the bartender would give
his credit one more chance.-Max Ade
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