The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1879-11-29
A LUDICROUS AFFAIR.
MoLLrE AND HER ArpLE.oATE.

II was the good fortune of a BULLETIN
reporter to drop into Squire Osborns Office
yesterday afternoon, just in time to wit
ness one of the most laughable unions OF
palpitating hearts and varied fortunes that lie
ever had the pleasure of witnessing or ever
expects to witness again. The parties to be
spliced and made man and wife, with but
single thought and hearts that beat as
one, were Mollie Bridges and Benjamin
F. Applegate.
Mollie is three hundred FOUNDER, and
20 years Of age, whose (un)strict virtue
and love for ardent spirits have made her
familiar with the ways of the (un)righteous,
Mr.. Apologize is mot quite" so heavy
as Molly, for he weighs only one
hundred or more pounds, but what he lacks
in weight, he makes up in age-hc being
fifty-six years old. He is lately from Mound
City "a sufferer as he claims, in The BULLE.
TIN of Thursday morning) He is
said to be well fixed in the way of money
matters.
The matrimonial asprants did not
have the necessary commission from Col.
Humm, the polite and accommodating
county clerk. But this was only few
minutes delay. Mr.. Apologize leaving the
"blushing" bride in charge of the fatherly
squire and bashful reporter, FASTENED to the
court house and secured the wanting docu-
ment During his absence, the reporter
dropped into a conversation with Mol
lie, of which the following is substance:
Mollie-Are you going to see US mar
riedl
Reporter-Yes | desire to see the knot
tied, that may furnish an account Of the
affair tor the readers OF the BULLETIN to-
morrow.
Mollle-That darned old fool Cmcaning
her intended husband) Is dead gone on
me- He run accr oss me on the street and
charmed him. Yes. I'm charmer
when I'm fixed up and got my SUNDAY
go-to-meetin's' on He would not give me
time to put my clean bib and tucker on,
or even lace up my shoes extending her
feet to show the reporter that her shoes
were unlaced, but he turned his head with
a blush) before we get married. He has
lots of money though, and Have none,
and will make his fur fly he don't
"poney up with me.
Reporter--lIn astonlshment) You should
make him good wife, Miss Bridges :;
share with him his trials and troubles ana
if the tide of fortune should turn against
him, and make him pennless, share also
with HIM his poverty.
Mollie-Poverty! well when he comes
to that I'll look for another Teller with a
purse. So long as his money lasts he will
be the Apple(gate) Of my eye, but when
that's gone he can
At this stage of the conversation, the
groom entered, gasping for breath,
and handed his $50 license to Squire
Osborn. Moliie turned her head
and made dcrision, in silent ges-
tures, with her tongue, of her fu-
ture liege lord, at the same time throwing
ar occasional wink at the reporter. The
Squire ordered the contracting parties to
stand up. They arose, MolIie's face lit up
with smiles, and her stomach with an in
fenor quality Of brandy.
Squire-Mr. Apologize, are you aware of
the nature Of the ceremony about to be per.
formed!
Mr. "A little louder if you please,
I'm hard of hearing.
MoIIie--Gn low tone,J So much the
better I'll make it harder for YOU
The squire repeated himself in louder
tone.
Mr. A.-Ccrtainly understand it. |
was there before, and was divorced only
two weeks ago.
The Squire then ordered the couple to
join hands and the words were said that
sealed them together and put $500 in the
pocket Of the court. The groom now
kissed the bride, after which the Squire
and reporter extended congratulations.
Before leaving the court room the bride
rendered the reporter cordial invitation
to call around last evening and have a little
fun, but we expect enough fun from this
affair to-day when we hear from Mollie
and her Apologize.
p. S.-the writer OF the above lelt at an
carly hour this morning for part, unknown
-----------------------
A FEW RIVER NOTES.
The Helena was due last night for St.
Louis.