The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1879-07-23

"A hystericy creature, Deborah
Satsadmiring the crimson Aurora;
When a mouse in distress,
Ran under her dress,
She tainted and fell on the floor all.
~ don't like that cat It's got
splinters in its feet" was the excuse
Of four-yearold for throwing kit
ten away.
Subscribers coming in at the rate
of fifty day." said an editor; and a
rival paper explained that they were
coming in to order their paper stop
ped.
A little boy of Providence, not yet
out of his short clothes, was asked by
his grandmother the other day how
he had torn his dress. He replied
that it chad got caught on a clover
leaf"
Worthy Magistrate: "What a
mali can be cruel enough to maltreat
his welded wife, and even hurl
plate at her head ?" Prisoner "But
your honor, do you know my wife ?"
Worthy Magistrate: II have not that
honor" ''Then just go SLOW"
A few years ago the Gar sent the
Amer Of Atghanistan quantity of
lightning-rods, and the Afghans put
up the gilded points on their houses
without connecting them with the
ground. The effect was not favor
able to Russian popularity
A system OF condensed gardening
for ladies: Make your beds in the
morning; sew buttons on your hus.
bands shirts; do not rake up any
grievances protect the young and
tender branches of your family; plant
a smile of good temper on your face
carefully root up all angry feelings,
and expect good crop of happiness.
On honeymoon tour recently, the
young husband, going across from
Dover to Boulogne, was suddenly
very strange. care you i'll, love ?"
exclaimed the anxious model wife.
"Oh say, Alfred, beloved, are you
i'll ?" He was afraid of being doubted,
and family replied, Il think the
shrimps l had for breakfast this morn
ing must have been alive"
aPapa, did you see those nice little
guns down to the store asked
little six-year-old boy. eyes, Harry,
saw them; but / have SO many chill
dren to feed and clothe that l cannot
afford TO buy you one,' replied his
father, seriously. Little Harry
glanced at the baby in the cradle with
no loving expression on his face. Fin
ally he said: "Well, papa, I'll tell
you what to do; you can swap little
Tommy for gun"
1t is all wrong to let your church
choir go on singing in the opera of
"Pinatore" between Sundays. A
dreadful thing recently happened on
this account at California funeral.
The pastor, a tall, white-h haired man,
much resembling an admiral, arose
In the pulpit and had no sooner
finished, in sing-song tone, the re-
mark, "We miss his presence in his
usual haunts," than the choir spranc
to its feet and shouted in return,
"And so do his sisters and his cous.
ms and his aunts. "-MIL,c0alkee Sen.
ti1aeI.
A clergyman, talking to some
youngsters on the coming vacation
and diverging into the necessity of
kindness TO animals, incidentally re.
marked "Boys are often cruel to
frogs and toads. remember when
a boy, of wickedly filling up toad
with fire-crackers and then lighting
the slow match" He was Mortified
70 see this remark received with the
liveliest emotions OF interest and de.
light, and utterly prostrated as he
passed out at hearing one urchin saw
to another: "BJ lingo, that's new
note. Won't we have fun BLOWING
up the bull paddles down in the med,
der ?"-B0stOn Commercial
II knew a man once-Jake Mason
who went to donation where six
farmers were to contribute lug of
milk apiece. Well, one man, a yerv
mean man, thought it would not
make any difference if ne contributed
water in place of milk; so he filled
up jug with water and took it to
the donation. When he got there
he turned it over the bung and it
run into the barrel where all the
other farmers had poured their milk
Now, what do you suppose was the
result? Why, every one of the six
farmers happened to be as mean as