The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-01-30
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

When may a thief be called literary man
When he's takin' cats.
Can man who deals in cattle be called an
oxen-ier?
Daniel o'Learys legs are not yet SO famous
as the legs of Mrs. o'Leary's COW.
A hosiery is always successful. At least ne Is
continually stocking his store.
10. Wilson, like Jo. Bradley, was little too
hefty for the Democrats.
"Dam that creek =, shouted the miller 10 his
men. And it was Immediately done.
The time is almost at hand for the annual
growl about the fruit being killed.
When girl paints her face, rest assured it's
only rouge to catch beau.
"All my toiling is ore!' said the teamster, as
he loaded up his wagon.
The tail attempted to wag the dog, in Con-
gress. last week, and came very near succeed
ing.
The snow has departed, but there is good,
deep, sleighing mud, of which many are avail
ing themselves.
The woman who brings unsated butter 10
market will not be ready when the great trump
shall blow.
Little Mary to Playmate: 'When ma strikes
me, why am like good summer dish GIVE
itup? eyes" Why, because scream"
The editor of the Cincinnati Commercial has
no respect for the truly good. Hence II hlCs tue
Rev. Joseph Cook sounding thWack.
Jefferson Davis announces that he is forever
out of politics. Jefferson is fortunate IN BENG
able to announce that he is not out of the world
'swhere have you been all this time ?'' asked
a gentleman of his coachman. 'eWandher1n
by the sea, shure ~ answered Pat
The Wilson and Patterson trials over, and
Jim Aleshires face wears triumphant smile
as he pockets his seventy-fve cents witness
fee.
man in Dublin, ireland, demanded of
lady five shiI1ings or her life. She tossed him
her muff, when he, being drunk, began to eat
it-a regular muffin feast
What admirable perseverance is that which
enables young lady to spend three weeks
knitting a crochet tidy, and then throw 1t IN
the rag basket!
A western editor wrote: "Our readers will |
notice that our inside appears in new dress |
this week." And his readers didn't know
whether to believe him or not.
Among the tests to which christian fortitude
is put, one of the hardest is to preserve srnil-
ing countenance while the tall man with the
number ten boots treads on ones corns
A wise man has said: 'sTo know how to wait
is the great secret of success" Samuel Tilden
and Thomas Hendricks have been studying
this great truth. tl5rs
We are opposed to Charles Foster for Cover
nor, but think his eminent services to the
great State of Ohio merit some reward. We are
in favor of making him Major-General of the
National Guard
ats early existence was undoubtedly pure,'
said Blufkins, at the clearinghouse table.
The landlord who overheard part of the re-
mark, supposed he was speaking of a spoiled
child; he didn't know that he referred to the
egg his plate.
The trial of Patterson was pronounced farce
by Judge DuHadway, the ablest Democrat in
Jackson county. After the taxpayers shall
have paid the cost of this farce the young eagles
of tie Democracy will go over the county howl
ing reform, and pointing to the Democratic
party as the guardian of the taxpayers!
"Ah r' said Smathers, "I1i never forget my ,
boyhood days; the old farm. the great orchard,
the barn, the big woodshed; how well remem- !
Der the old woodshed! 1 would shed bitter
tears every time my doting father invited me ,
into it.
God intended man to be upright. The man
who cannot offer up prayer in public without I
an ostentatious crying and blubbering, should
be presented with a handkerchief The con- /
gregation would be pleased to have him blow {
his nose. {
"What is your occupation ?'' asked a lady of ]
tramp, who represented himself as out of en-
p1oyment. 81 am,' said he, tucking into his
pocket the bread and meat she had given him,
"a student of the great problem OF life.' "And
what is that ?" asked the lady. Glow to live :
without work" said the tramp, moving gaily !
away. +