Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-07-04
Hawk-EyetemS.

There's one thing that Dennis Kear-
ney can't make go, and that is lead
nickel.
Mark Twain says there is no fun in
England. Surely not; Oshkosh is the
place for fun.
A good fly poise. on-the end of your
nose. A chrome for the first ten cor.
rect solutions.
Truth may be stranger than fiction,
but fiction is the most interesting.
People never do like strangers.
No Indian was ever known to play
on brass horn. Hence, Pope's allu-
sion to his untootered mind"
The man who habitually and regu-
larly left the door wide open all winter,
is Just learning to shut it tight every
time.
"Stick to it T. as the wax shouted
when the shoemaker sat down upon it.
And he did SO. And so did they both
of them.
"What," savagely demands the New
army for?' We suppose he wants it
for example.
Let us look up and take courage.
There is no centennial and no interna-
tional exposition this year. We have
yet something to be thankful for.
Either the supply of corpses is run
ming short or the Ohio medical students
have all graduated. They don't come
together so frequently as they used.
81 am going to Colorado for my
health" said young Keepitup to old
Bobyshell the other day. "Ah !" re-
piled the old man, land when did You
leave your health there?'
The unceasing and Herculean labors
of the red ribbon clubs are reaping
their harvest everywhere. Even money
isn't as tight as it was, and shows a
steady inclination to reform.
The Sultan has ordered that any Turk
attacking the Austrian troops shall suf-
fer death. There is surer way than
that to kill, if the Sultan will only try
it. Make hum work, make him work.
1t will kill Linn in q minute.
What this country needs is general
law providing for compulsory vacation.
business men, preachers, editors,
should be compelled to rest all summer,
and Congress-we]l. Congress ought to
have u biennial vacation for two years.
"When I was boy" said prosy,
long-winded orator to his friend, 81
used to talk in my sleep" "And
now" said his friend, you sleep in
your talk" But somehow, that didn't
seem to be just exactly the point the
orator was going to make.
A subscriber wants to know if we
think it is wrong to drink cider. Well,
yes, in these hard times. when beer is
so much cheaper, we should think it
was, very wrong. However, if you
know where you can steal the cider, we
suppose it will be all right.
byron, my son." said literary
father to his athletic son, Byron, new.
er played base ball" "No,' said the
boy, pulling on his orange-colored
shirt, "and George Washington never
wrote poetry" Here the morning hour
expired and the bill went over.
1t is understood that the grasshopper
and Jack Frost have effected compro-
mise this year, whereby the grasshop-
per is bound to leave enough of the
crops standing for the frost to get one
good, square, premature bite at. As
for the farmer his share wasn't taken
into consideration at all. He must
look out for that himself.
The whistles blew for noon and the
little bay mule that worked in the lead
laughed as he walked up to the feed
trough, Whence so much mirthful-
ness?' asked the pale gray mule who
pulled in the wheel team. ~" re-
piled the little bay mule. Fam the fell
low Robert Burns was thinking about
when he wrote, A chiefs amang ye
takin' OATS" Good enough" said
the tall brindle mule that worked on
the rear swing, "but that's just where
you're fooled it's corn" And SO it was.
lille respondit non sed took in as many
ears of corn as he could smile over at
once, ct grumbled at the rest Of them
for esset of asses.
The neighbours cat had clawed the
baby, and the man was going out to
the woodpile with his axe over his
Carom me back to the house." said
the cat, who appeared to be chalk full
of emotion, that ought not to count,
it was only scratch" The man took
his cue and looked thoughtful.
True" he said, "and this is only an
accident" And he laid the feline
across the block and held it down with
his foot, and swinging the axe above
his head, brought it down with dread
full force. There was q moment of
dreadful silence, and then, while the
cat, from the high seat on her neigh
boris shed, sang, "Oh, wauly, wauly,
up the bank, tho man scraped around
in the chips to find his three toes, and
carried them in to his wife, and asked
her if she supposed the doctor could
sew them on when he came.
A SHOWER OF PoLLEN.-An uncom-
monty heavy fall of pollen occurred in
1