The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-03-14
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

/ MEgs NaEtingU01s IN 1uuSGT6tlO0 Oh III
| proverb, 4 soft answer turneth ava,
| wrath. 2 says that it is better ospeak pare
| gorically OF . person than to be all th,
time fIinging epitaphs at him.
A marriage notice in an exchange com
mences, Lynch lynn. y all the puns ",
could think of in an hour wouldn'e iniprovl
tFat,so well let 1t stand stripped Of all para
graphic adornment. - Norrsstoaoa Herald.
A correspondent wishes TO know il u,
ale the author OF the s. American Enoyclo
p@dia 2" Well, mono ]. not exactly ths
author Of it. We killed the canyasser, how
ever ,if that is what you mean. Burlingto,
Hasskege.
Do You mean to call me liar y ask
. ferocious old gentleman. Vel. mo mo-
exactly temporizes his young friend q bu1
il | saw you in the company Of Ananias ane
sapphira should say you were in the bosom
of your family
Eggs forty cents dozen Are mem
aware that the war ended fifteen year
ago, and that the government resumet
specie payments on January I. Farmers
should acq,laint their poui-iy with these
facts. Nor. Herald. -
Burlington Haanksge: There is poem
in the November Atlantic starts off by
saying, There came three queens from
heaven Never do you believe it, vel
bet you > thousand dollars one Of then
was dealt to him. and he pulled the Other
two out of mis- boot.
A really neat tramp, when he puts .
Piece Of custard pie in his inside coal
pocket, always places the outside or crust
rim In first, allowing the central point ol
the triangle to gracefully hang over the
edge, after the manner of bandana hand
kerchief. Neae Haaen Regisser.
1t has just leaked out that the day DIR
schliemann excayated the tomb Of Aga
memnon,. jnss as be struck the monarch'i
sepulchre, he heard q low chuckling Iaugl
behind him, and voice said, in GOOD
United States, g Here, quick, put him in
here!' The doctor turned round ant
behold he saw an Ohio medical student
holding big india-rubber bag.-Bsrling
ten Hassksye.
By boring q hole through a silver dol
lar and tying il to q tag q Connecticut
man sent 1t through the mail for cent
whereas if he had put it in an envelops
it would have cost him three cents NJ
one but New Englander would hayt
thought Of such device, and it is this
prompt graphing with the situation tina
gives New England its mighty influence
upon the world Danbary Nens.
He was young mana blonde. He en-
tered the oflics OF an ap.town merchant tht
other day, and said timid "Good morn
ing The merchant responded grufiiy.
g Do you know said the young mar
softly, that Vanderbilt bought the Her
cid ?'
"Ths devil Is that so -
'Tis fact, !" answered the young man
& " i. Vanderbilt bought the Hsrala E
mnttered tho merchant, laying down hl
pen.
Fact assure you,n murmnred th.
young man, as he moved toward tb'
door.
"Stop!'' cried the merchant. !" How
muca did he pay for it?''
Three cents,'' replied the young man
as he softly closed the door after him. :.
n r Sun.
They were sitting around the conventional
stove in the village tavern telling tal
stories. The topic was horses. After
some inferior tales, old Hobbs began
IS My horse was worse than the worst Of
dsfaulting bank presidents. for he was such
q forger. Why, actually, his feet struck
together so often that had to carry a
bucket Of water 10 the wagon, and stop
every half mile and wet his feet to cool
them. Sometimes they would be red hot. =
Old Teller broke ii, :. Oh, that = nothing.
/ once had horse, aud he Wis sucha for
ger that / could not take him out in q
sleigh.'' The old man here looked around
to see il any one would ask him the reason
of this, but they looked as glum as pail
bearers, SO ha continued s'No, would
never take him out sleighing, because such
shower OF sparks were knocked from bis
shoes that the snow and ice were melted
turned in mud before the sieigh-runners
reached 1t.