The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-23
UartEtU.
FUNNY THINGS.

Other mems pains are easily borne.
An attached Gouple-Oyster shells.
Tramps say: There is arrest for the weary"
Who can tell the Value of a smile2 The bar.
tender.
dyeing request: please color my meer.
Schaum."
The wild oats Of youth change into briers Of
manhood,
1t homely saying-that pity without relief
is like mustard without beef.
Gray hairs seem like the light Of soft morn,
silVering over the evening of lite.
Traits Of character which you seek to conceal
you had much better seek to reform,
The way to make six cents go farthest. Buy
stamp and putt on foreign letter.
Look" shouted an inspiring but imperfectly
posted exhorter, "at 5Odom aud Tomorrow"
Railroads are built on three gauges nowadays (;
broad gauge, narrow gauge and mortgage.
certain California school nra'am is said 10 be
able to sing hymns ike ten octave angel"
An Indianapolis man advertises: "See our SO
shirt" 1t doesn't take much TO make ali Indiana
polls man proud.
Some there are who gaze intenty into the well
OF truth but only in hopes of seeing their own
image reflected there.
Mrs, F-'s daughter it is said, has the most
beautiful hand in America Call her, somebody,
Just so we can see what she has.
Jones being told that he looked seedy, and ask.
ed what hugnpgp ha tBop In Ant
ware business-look at my wardrobe"
Florida Judge sent his wife to Jail for stealing.
and when she got out she had him impesched for
dividing the plunder with her.
Subscribers coming In at the rate of fifty day."
said an editor and the rival paper explained that
they were coming in to have their papers stop.
ped.
The Persians an ancient writer informs us,
used to teach their sons these three things to ride
to pay their debts and to tell the truth.
pupil in one of our public schools revised an
old saying found IN his grammar, as follows: ut
is better to give than to rsceive-a thrashing."
did you do nothing to resuscitate the body ?"
was recently asked ofa witness at coroners in.
quest "Ye', sir, we searched his pockets" was
the reply.
An observing old lady says "Its the quiet
young man In the corner, who lets his rivals do
all the talking, that usually marries the girl"
A shreWd trader says there are two reasons why
we don't trust man; one, because we don't know
MIN, and the other because we do.
young lady being asked by rich old bache-
lor' "Itnot yourself who would you rather beY"
replied tWeetly and mildly, Yours, truly"
Hsckmen are the best hearted fellows in the
world. They never see lone man making his
way nome at night without asking him to ride.
Hints for young sesmen-Whatever the nayiga.
uon books may tell you, the most expeditions
mode OF boxing the compass is to pop 1t into your
chest.
The young man with the flower In his coat Is 10
marry the young lady who is in the habit OF say.
ing 'tde yahI"
Tis an old maxim In the schools
That 6attery is the food OF fools;
Yet now and then your men OF wit
VIII condesCend to take BIT
Two young ladies and Mr.. Thaddesus oGrady
were conversing on ages, when one Of them put
the question: (which Of us do you think Is the
elderr" Sure" replied the gallant Irishman,
you both look younger than the other"
Bangor Me-, has been settled one hundred and
ten years and has been cilyIor forty Ave years,
but the Mayor elected there recently is the first
native OF that city who has been chosen to fill the
Mayors chair
Providence boy started to school on the open
ing day day OF the term, aud before he had gone
i've blocks from home he had lamed dog, lost
his geography, scared horse, broke his slate and
had three fights.
After trying in vain to start baIky mare, the
driver touched her flank with his lighted cigar,
saying, I've tried all means to start her now I'll
try to back her"