National Republican., 1879-07-31

Az ethereal maid called Maud
Was suspected of being fraud
Scarce a crumb was she able
To eat nt the table
But in the back pantry Lawdi
A Roy at the dog show dcmurely inspected
the blacks and the blues and tho bigs and tho
littlcs-then said in a voice that was low and
detected. oh, crackey Ny eyes, what place
for tin kettles!"
AN Owego woman fell out of fourth story
window the other day, and the first thing she
did after being brought to was to wish she had
on her new silk hose instead of those old cot
ton stockings Record.
Buy good knife and somebody will borrow
1t and never return it. Steal an old one with
broken blade, and nobody will trouble IL.
Professor Tyndall might spend few hours ad-
vantageously explaining this phenomenon
New York Express.
PRISONER at the bar" said the Judge ais
there anything you wish to say before sentence
is passed npon you?" The prisoner looked
wistfully toward the door, and remarked that
he would like to say Good evening"" if 1t
would be agreeable to the company.
SOME wicked man asserts that IL was a great
mistake that potato bugs weren't introduced
into the Garden of Eden. Since their pres
once there would have kept Adam and Eve
so busy that they wouldn't have had time to
go around foragng for pippins.- Yonkers Ga
sette.
JULIA and Pauline, fgurantes at a theatre
have u little tiif. II hate you so you mean
thing" says Julia, that l wish you hadn't n
brooch to your back" And hate you So"
retorts Pauline, that If you were drowning
before my oyes, wouldn't lift my little finger
to give you cup Of cold water-thoro g'-
French paper.
II just came In to ask scent
From you, dear Mrs. Rhyme"
why certainly you're welcome. friend
Here Is just half II dime"
Good jOke!-ha hn lyon do not SEQ
on what | am intent.
And plucking here fragrant rose
This is the sCCnt-I-ment."
"MY little seven.yoar.old girl" writes n
friend, was in the sittingroom alone with
her uncle and looking dreamily from the win
dow. Without turning her head, she saidt
Uncle Horace, eight and seven mako fifteen,
don't thcy?" He replied that she was right.
Then" said she, in half soliloquy, "it is only
eight years before | shall have u beau and,
oh dread it it!"-Harpsr's Maga;iRe.
A NOTABLE mock trial took place at Reho.
both Beach the other evening. Henry Alto.
mus aud Francis Jordan jr., of Philadelphia,
were accused of plierlng champagne and eggs
during the days picnic. Their judges were
Chief Justice Comegys, of the Supreme Court
of Delaware, and ex-Attorne.y General and
Secretary Of State Of Pennsylvania Hughes.
Mr., Farquhar, son.in-law OF Mr.. Hughes and
who defended many of the Molie Maguires,
appeared for the defense, while Charles Glib.
bons, jr., of Philadelphia, owner of the yacht
Clara, aud n well.known cricketer, appeared
for the State. The jury was n mixed one, and
comprised Mrs Jordan, Mrs Gibbons, daughter
of Judge Ludlow Edward Norris, and Mrs.
Henry Altcmus. The daughter of Senator
Bayard and OF the veteran General Heintzel.
man, OF Seven Days Fight fame, were absent
while the jury was being impaneled or they
would have served. The jury was out but a
few moments when verdict of guilty was
brought in, and Judge Hughes pronounced the
sentence of the court, viz: That the prisoners
pay fine of u case of champagne aud box
of cigars, and stand committed until the
were fines paid.