Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-07-09
Wit and HumOr.
Summer

There Is comfort for spinsters in Scrip
ture, which tells them that Naomi was
five hundred and eighty years old when
she married. The veterans may still
hope.
Weston will lecture. There is no use
in concealing this any longer. The
country might as we'll know the worst.
Boston Globe.
The contented rustic: "Well, Peter,
your crops must be ruined by this un-
timely rain?" eyes your honor, but,
thank heaven so are my neighbours"
When a young man goes to have his
mustache cOlored it is very humiiating
to have the barber ask if he brought it
with him,-Nea0 Orleans Picayune
Several notable happy marriages have
b cen made on two hours courtship, but
it is pretty safe rule to know girl for
at least three days and picnic.-Detroit
Free Press.
When New Jersey musquito enters
a mans sleeping-room his first impress
sion is that there is brass band under
his window, and that he is called on for
speech. Uncle Sam.
Swell-'I want to look at some neck
handkerchiefs, please" Shopman-.
"Ah yes, yes! These will suit you for
spring wear. They are very genteel-
1 have set myself" Harvard Lampoom.
Ben Butler is trying to obtain the
Democratic nomination for Governor Of
Massachusetts, and the Democrats are
looking over their almanacs to see if it
is Buffers year to be Democrat.
-Peck's Sum-
Says sententous writer: "They are
never alone that are accompanied with
noble thoughts" Wonder if he is the
party that went off accompanied with
our Shakespeare Transcript.
A parishioner Of a Berkshire pastor
was asked what the color Of the parson',
eyes was. He didn't really knows
''for, he said, "when he prays his eyes
are shut, when he breaches | gen
orally shut mine"
Why is it that boy OF ordinary mind
would prefer to 60 in his every day
clothes and sit on muddy bank fish
ing all Sunday rather than to sit on a
nice dry seat in Sabbath-school for an
hour dressed in his best bib and
tucker? Girls amt that way.-Steuben-
vlAe Herald,
Another illustration of the ups and
downs of literary life. A new brand Of
smoking tobacco appears with some
verses by Mr.. Longfellow printed on the
back of the package. 1t is not long since
poems from his pen were cheerfully
published by the best magazines.
Our little Sallie to heaven did CO.
RHh 10
She was afflicted with cerebro- spinal meningitis.
IT'S hard to lose our Sally SO,
But the reflection sweet is,
That she Is gone where there is no
More cere Oro-spinal meningitis.
Christian at Work
When Benjamin Franklin was an
editor he was in the habit Of writing to
the young ladies that sent in poetry,
saying IN honeyed language that owing
to the crowded state of his columns,
etc., but he would endeavor to circulate
} their productions IN manuscript. And
then he tied the poems to the tail OF
his kite for ''bobs. Uncle Sam.
E Araminta was understood to be a
delicate eater "Pa," she would say
"what is the use in my going to the re-
fectory?" She had been heard to muir
muir in her choicest grammar, zone
wing Of the bird is all can possibly
eat" Charles believed her to be
+ ethereal. The expense for food after
. they should be wed, he felt, would be in
considerable. Itwould be embarrassing,
even, to meet the butcher. Would he
send his little order? He would dine in
the city, but Araminta, she might not
get even a wing. They were sitting in
the parlor together. The door was a. ar.
1t was now past the regular dinner hour.
, The folks were away. He had intended
going an hour before, but somehow he
fingered. A step on the stair without
, and a query: "Will yer have your
; corned beef and cabbage now or wait
till yer feller's gomez Boston Advertiser
, Didst ever meet the handshaking bore:
, He called in the other day, happening
first in the press room. Seeing him
) coming and knowing his pen
) chant, the pressman prepared him
self for the ordeal by slyly smearing his
own hand with printers ink. The Wis
itor came on, all unconscious of his fate,
reached out his mandible and received a
pressure and an impression at the same
: time. But ah, the artfulness of the fell
low! He spoke not. he scoWled not,
he made no sign. He simply walked
/ round the room and through the various
: rooms, and with engaging impa1tiaity
he shook the hand of every one, editor
in-chief, "local," the scisscgs-man, the
foreman, the intelligent compositors,
proof-readers, devil and ali. He then
took his leave soberly and becomlngly,
like one who retires from funeral
service. And then there was rush for
washbasins. Boston Transcript.
A good story is told in Edinburgh
about that genial Grecian, Prot. Blackie.
One day, shortly before the close of the
late session, the professor being through
some cause prevented from lecturing,
f there was posted on the Greek class
room door notice to this effect: Pro-
fessor Blackie regrets he is unable to-
day to meet his classes" A waggish
student, spying this, scraped out the