Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1879-04-05
VARIETY.

"a -t..'l ~ -''-- '.'''l --- .-~ ''7"
& hiven.
An Indiaoa county paper heals The list r'
marriages limited partnerships
little boy went % his father CRYING tic
other day. and told him that he bad Kicked
bee thar bal sPlister in It's tail.
A MAJ who WAS stroek by a droutard tb'
other day, says, tha, BE was treated 10
'' wbiskey pancb.'
Customer Ga qucsi Of particular brand %
ciesrsi Are th,se these2' Dealer .aGab'yl
Yes, sir, these are those.
'' When my pa wouldn't let me go To- the ball.
said young lalv, just sat down aud bad
"a bawl at home.
A man in Detroit has recently invented al
apparatus for arrestmg and extinguisiiu l
SPARKS Are the girls giug 90 stand that
There is nan in Buffalo Of such punciua
habits that be clrries his watch iu lis coat tan
pocket, 80 as 20 always be ahead Of time.
The Atlanta Con. G;aiion severely cali.
Fred Grant "kerneL" That's tie whole ihus
ia q nutshell.
A pretty Keokuk slfl thoueh'less'y called
delr young man d "goose the other dny, and
besander flush. right away.
Bob says that one Of the mistakes Of Moses
was In not browsing aroand in- search o.
champagne rock before be did his smitins.
A wag says there is some,hias inexpressihl,
sad about tbe music Of church cssau whe
aco,iec,ion is being matc.
The an,i-Murphyi:es n the Yves, have
chrisiened a new drink the Bed Ribbon. -
They wear ihe.r c0icrs on tie eut OF the nos''
The ulckeaslck ReggJlcgn says a,,hine
SUCKS seeds like tbe little fellow who draws
sweet inspiration llom Sunday sehoolorar &c
A lady referring TO the flirting propeusities
Of her yonng friend, said "She would 81 ul
in her eolil to coquette With The undertaken
II You turn a coat Inside out i, viii reyel
new facing Tura a word inside ont and y
will also show new phrasing 'lrhhus that
parasmphers are bred-and buttered.
She was plump and beautiful. and he wa,
wildly fond Of her; she hated him, but, We
man-like, she siryye 10 catch him. lie was
flea.
Az orator. declaring that foriune knocked
at every man s door once. an oll lrishman, said
" When she knocked az mine | must have been
cut
4 woman NAV not be far sishtej 10 hnsines>
matters, but she can sire iy speCS without
glasses as far again as man can smell friend
onions.
The same backache which makes a by
howl when he's digging potatoes wreathes hs
face 10 smiles when be slips of the back way
90 The picnic. Boys are curious insects.
A nan died IN s.. Louis recently. aaI ir
his sill. after stating bee never forgot favor.
lelt 81 900 % an individual who ten years ago
ran away With bis vile.
General Sbermans s1a Thomls usel 70 be-
long % a base ball club. Now we can under
stand way io wants % spend tue rest Of bis
Tsnorseful hlc ia q cioisJer.
s person never knows how fass he can run
am be fuls himself 40 one end Of halter ant
co uubroken colt a. the other anu ia huF y
90 get somewhere.
Dir. Moody remarks d" We want down right
honesty 10 church he is right lie shall
have il 10 We have % provide a large portion
&C il ourselves: and 10 shall not be hone, y
with a mortgage on Il either.
What iluuel is that Q" asked stranger
10 our city, who vas diving round ia d
slsigh, taking in the sights yesterday. "Iuu-
nel Why that's no tunnel; that's a livery
man smiling was answered.
Over 10 Kentucky when a mule gets So lazy
that he won't work more than niue or ten
hours in a dav, they trim his ears down and
sell him to some Chicago mao for a carriage
hose.
jackson papers are boasting about two loco
motives beng put to-, inrr iu two hours aud
Gny minutes 10 that place. We once saw
two engines put together Eear ibis place IN less
than ave seconds.
II you take one of The new silver half 10 r.
lars, pour little mnriatic acid on the figure
of the eagle and st .t 10 The s1u Coz twenty
minutes. when you come o. look at il will De
gone. And the nan who took il vii be gone
also.
Hnlmar Hprth Blyesen pronounces his
middle uame Yort. Mr. Boyeseu either does
not know how o. pronounce Hmrth OF cant
spell "Yort." IL mia were % spell Yoke
H-i-o-k-h we should consider him Geo Fran
cis-Maniac.
The United States army IS pretty busy jus;
COW One of them goes out % fight twelve
thousand Indians every morning while the
other stays at home and gets breakfast. It's
wearing though-on the army. The Indians
don't appear 10 mind il much.
Pope Plus was worth $50 O0O.OOe When
be died Huh No wonder Il was easy
enough Tor him TO get rich. he bad such a clean
monopoly; the ouly pope in The business 10
OH the wide world.
Il is two hundred and fifteen years since the
frst Bible was printed for The Indians. And
when We look at the Indians to-day we can't
help thinking the missionaries bad better have
printed a couple Of millions 20 begin with
a man at AlPena, Michigan, waited until
nll the summer tourists aud other standard
liars bad gone home, and then turned 10 one
day aud caught three tons Of FISH There Is
rothug remarkable about that, If be could
hire somebody 10 believe il for him
That's the happiesi couple in town. sail
the Sheriff, pointing 10 couple just leaving
che COURTHOUSE. All % replied a bysiander
Just married, have they ?" No" said tbe
imperurbable officer Of the law with a know
ing wink, just been divorced"