Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1879-04-12
VARIETY


coming Oh.
4 man is M always upright who has lie !
brought up rieht.
good motto for Young man inst starting /
a mos,iache-doVu iu lr ut.
a gentleman writes e. IN Br,zil thai mar,
PEBBLES has de sma.l-toXrs. -
Tramps are forlhllcn 90 Sleep in Cincinnati
parks. There's arrest or tie weary
Hunger has driven many a nan to crime
Oct more mon go 10 tie lunch counter.
There are Two az to spell separate but tbe
wroog way Is spelled with tie more e's.
~ cat Ibis G, un,ry hrs never s., er.. aud never
Vii. is q ben that eau loy wager
The lest way to keep tie wolf fr m the
door is 90 leavea few sheep 10 the pasture.
A Ripe O'd Dwtarl" IS 90, title
new ten re arce novel. /, mus; De something
af a ue ow drammc-
Wclacin many a man 20 So around
waiting 'or something 60 turn up. uuul that
something was his to,s.
Tie man who Unexpectedly sat down 10
some warm glue thinks there Is m,re than one
way Of getting badly stuck.
II
day hr his embarrassment oh, I'm not
embarrassed at an. s'id be, cts my creditors
that are embarrassed
Always pay as y.u 60, said an Oh man
20 his nephew. &" But. uncle. suppose haven't
anything TO pay with 80 Theu don't 60"
"On this head, said the lecturer, there
is nothing lelt 90 be- desired The baId-head-
cd man Ia che trout row Immediately rose to
call to or.cr
A ST Louis man proposes that lie lines nm
posed iu The courts De devoted 90 thc compile
Jion ofjie Washington monument 10 would
De fUe monument then, wouldn't 10?
To preserve a good sc-put it in an al
manaC or reut d, out hy The year to circus
clowns aud negro miu>trels To- this way
specimens have been Kept Tor leeeI or twenty
Aeus.
When shall I cali you 10 the morning
SIP. s>kei a hotel waiter Of an AberdoUian
one uicLt lie replied, haughtiy. IN rim
the bell when ! wish 90 he called.
Grand daughter: Bot you viii 60 90 The
SUI eral IT yaur o 4 r. %, granlpi? Oct .
geuarian "Oh. don't Snow Don't talk 20
me of funerals Mach as ever shall be able
O. ces 90 my own
"Wen, Pat. you 1idn't me 20 abe g ocio,k K
train 20 Get ne as told you on OBJ. %
did,. sor; but oil GOT there too late tur that
train, and so oi t.d ior The next one
40 exchange SAYS: Alex NJ W Ball. au-
thor Il Rock Ne O. Sleep Mother died a few
DAYS ago. Fortunately several ether authors
Of the same poem are yct alive, 50 that The
supply isnof Ut exhausted.
TIE Notoa publishes an editorial on The
Last Trace 90 tie War 10 must have be-
Nngej 90 the harness 90 an artillery mule.
though tcau be Of uo possible use without
another trace.
The foolish man Glle,h bis banls and
smith. There IS 90 trade. why ST ouid / adj
vert,.e2" But the wise man is not SD. DE
whropeth itup ia tle rew-paper>, aud verify
De dr,w,ih customers fr,m afir on
& man went into a restaurant th- other dav,
and asked ior a dozeu Oy,ters Tae polite
waiter asked lim bow be would Ike them
dressed Dressed ,' exclaimed The fellow.
chang 10. DON'T want 'em dressed a, all, J
want em rakcl
Scene 10 q police count: " Prisoner. how
aa.y barrels of potatoes did yOa say you
hIN.rs HfNtNt WI N.'l 90 .N.ItN A'HINt't.iN
and TWO 60 day We'll, but that's only FIVE.
"Ocb. sure I'm going iyr the others when Il
out of this
TIE mule Is a disappointing animal Ore
frll down a shaft iu Maryland oirhty-fve feet
deep. Every one sand. That mules dead.
but /, was hoisied up uuiuure1 and walked
away. and inst Us every ene said. That mule
is MT hurt, it laid down and died
Practical Yankee Well YES. sir. give
in 90 Won. Shakespeare was genius. Bat be
didn't kinder seem 90 pot it 60 a practical use.
Never benefited civilization with q Washing
machine. nor a patent lurnip Veeler. or any
thing Of that s-Ft. Still be was smart
man
We once heard a fece,i,us music seller an
nounce. 20 Say Not Woman's Love Is
Bought.' all tT the price Of one haltpenny
a modern music seller announces, Thou hast
loved aud LEI, Ne ior zen cents.
There was an ingenious amount of devotion
IMPLIED in the remark 70 a lovc-sick Million
aire when the Object of bis SELECTIONS became
ecstatie over the beauty ~ the evening star -
&c OBJ. Do not, DO not praise it Ike that. be
cried " I cannot gsi IL or you
Don't You love her still q" asked the nudge
% nan who wanted a divorce. Certainly
Tdo." says be-; " I love her better still than
any other way, but the trouble is she viii
never Re still The Judge, who IS a married
aan himself taxes the case aujsr a,ivisemeut
A lady jal not know whether her p'lo,a-
ton was in Virginia or North Carolina. found,
when the lice was run, that she was resident
~ Virginia. Well. said she " am glad
dou't live IN North Carolina it was always
sueh a sickly state
II wish you would give me that gold ring
on your finger" said q village dandy 90 a
country GIRL "for il resembles The duration Of
Nv ove or you 10 has no end Excuse
we SIR she SAID, 81 choose 90 keep u. for 10
Is like my love 6r you J., has no beginning.
There" said ihe shopuan. pointing 20 a
beautiful epergue "tbere's 6ue ceuterpiece. @"
Gent apiece q" gasped ola Mrs Bagster, who
stood near. Gent apiece You may wrap mp
two % them hr me. If you please. Mr.. Smith
aiding. soto roce, Ia 90 iiee them things
was so cheap"
There's no smoklog al.0wcdr
The conductor exclaimed
To nan who had Jumped "a the car.
"Im not smoking aloud"
Tie gently explained,
"for 4 noiseicssly put ny cigar
A clergyman had Tor one of his Pensioners
nnifov who vas up So late nights attending