The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-06-10
HUMOROUS.

| 'ohE IObD Ills L fORTUNE.-" 1nlS is
station, is it," he asked, us they
opened the door of cell No. 5. and waved
him in.
| eyes"
~"
You are."
"AIl right This is the last gol-
darned time IN believe anybody under
oath SO go ahead with your old Bas-
tile business."
lie was young man Of 81, wearing
his over-alls In his boot-legs, and before
coming to town had broken Off Il twig
from peach tree and placed the bios
SONS behind his hat band and over his
left ear.
"llast thou been deceived ?" in
quircd our reporter, as the officer got
through locking tho cell door.
Hast l? Well, you'd better bet
hast |! Pm regular eight rail fence
blown fiat by q tOrnadOl Pm going to
commit suicide when Pm out o. this,
am /"
a chew of tobacco and few kind
| words opened his heart, and he cx-
planned:
"You see, lost my dog in town the
| other day, and L came in this morning
to find him. Dad, the darned old bass
wood, told me to call on Il fortune-tcl-
Ter and find out who stole 1'igc, and |
was TOOL enough to do 1t! called on Il
woman back up here about mile, gin
her two dollars, and says |, Where's
| Iigc? He's up here in Il Dutthman's
yard, says she. Did he steal him ? says
]. lie did, says she. Thcu l'Il bust
his head, says |. You will marry rich,
have lots OF happiness, live TO be Il
hundred years old, and go to heaven
when you die, says she, and she,
and she stopped rolling her eyes and
hawkcd on to them two dollars like Il
turkey on II 'tatcr-bug."
"And you found Tigc?"
"You hold on! | found the Dutch
man 8, and says |, Where's my dog? !
don't know, says he. You're liar,
and cother, AMI he had Just flung me
out doors when the constable came
along and nailed me-"
"WGll?"
| Well, Pm in nice fix, am d! Tige
gene, two dollars gone, me in the Jug
and dad planting corn with blind eye
and Il lame back! We're nice family,
take us all together, and you just go
out and bet ten to one we are No,
you can't help me any, less you want
to leave me lead pencil. feel like
composing poem on fool. and I'll
write it on the wall here. Good. bye,
Mistcr--como back in an hour and IN
have poem done and be in my grave,
mcbbc, for can't bear up under
more'n a wagon load OF woc.''
CHEAP ENOUGH. - Coming out of
Brady street Il Dctroitcr cspicd man
driving wagon loaded with s0tls, cut
In the country. The driver humbly
inquired If he wanted any material of
the sort, and the latter inquired the
price.
"Tll lay 'cm for seven cents yard
or sell 'cm for penny apiece" was the
reply.
"Only cent apiece for sods as biz
as those ?"
"Only a cent, sir."'
We'll, you come right down here
and dump me Off twenty-five in Il
hurry. My wife has been teasing me
for the last week TO buy her q fuchsin,
but when can get twenty-five sods for
twenty-five cents | don't believe Pm
fool enough TO pay forty cents for one
little posy in II little two cent pot!"
ELDER sister (to little one, who
| appears to take great interest in Mr..
Skibbens): "Comc little pet, 1t is time
yotl CS'S were SnuL III SlCcp.' LlGtlC
pet: 81 think not. Mother told me
TO keep NY eyes open when you and
Mr.. Skibbens were togethcr.'
liz ENTERED the grocery store, said
not word, but allowed his cane to
swing to and fro exactly as the pondu-
| lum OF clock. The grocer only said.
"No, We sell nothing on tick" and the
man with the cane passed sadly and
silently out.
| ~ LARGE eye is said to indicate capac-
ity. A black eye indicates that the
posscssor was Il poor .indge Of muscle
when he told man he lied.
a ROY with his elbows out was
asked the cause and replied, /" l laughed
in my sleeves till burst them"
"A CLEAR conscience cannot be quick
encu.
| DRIED apples are used lis dessert at
all swell parties.
SUPERIOR govcrnmcnt--Tn tho num-