Smyrna times., 1879-03-19

A Sunday-school boy, on being asked what
made the Tower Of Pisa lean, replied, " Be
cause of the famine in the land"
Lawyers are never more earnest than
when they work with wiil-that is if the
estate is valuable.-Detrot Post and TftJlo.c.
In Michigan etiquette permits bride to
be married without gloyes-preciselv the
way she handles her husband.-Bu8llo En
press.
Once they started a girls seminary in
Utah. 1t ilourished we'll but, just in the
height ofits prosperity, the principal eloped
with the whole school.
An iliteratc farmer wishing to enter some
animals at an agricultural exhibition wrote
as follows to the secretary Of the society:
" Enter me also for a, ,iaclass." And he took
the prizn.
y Nevada Girls Loye-Lettcr-" Dear
Jimmy: It's all up. We amt going to get
married. Ma says you're too rough, and
guess she's right. I'm So sorry-but can't
you 90 to Europe and get filed DOWN."
The inhabitants Of Madagascar are diving
to get hold Of AN American ship.captain
| who has sold them ten thousand quart cans
OF tomatoes as a new kind Of gunpowder.
Their old blunberbuszes wouldn't 20 off.
|
"At First Hand County Connoisseur-
"Now, are you quite sure those are real
'chromos p County Dealer draper and
grocer etc)-"Oh ! yes, sir; we always has
'em direct from his studior, sir."-Ploach.
l n0ver thought but once" said old
Deacon Webbing, that it was sin to steal
an umbrella" "And when was that?" asked
friend. 1T was when some pesky thief
stole my new silk ono, answered the deacon.
A witty lady was told by a gentleman Of
her acquaintance that { he must have been
born with silver spoon in his mouth"
She looked at him carefully, and upon
realizing the size Of his mouth, replied
" l don't doubt it, but it must have been
soupladle."
Practical Yankee " Well, yes, sir. l
give in to you. Shakespeare was a genius.
But he didn't kinder seem to put it to a
practical use. Never benefited civilization
with washingmachine, nor q patent
turnip-peeler, nor anything Of that sort.
Still, he was a smart man."
A little girl, visiting neighbor with her
mother, was gazing curiously at the hostess's
new bonnet, when the owner queried, " Do
you like it, Laura?' The innocent replied !:
, "Why, mother said it was perfect fright !;
but it don't scare me- Laura's mother
5 didn't stay long after that.
y In a primary school not long ago the
y teacher undertook to convey to her pupils
+ an idea Of the uses of the hyphen. She
n wrote on the blackboard " Bird 's-nests, -
e and pointing to the hyphen asked the
0 school, What IS that for?" After a short
= pause a little Fenian piped ont, Place,
r maam, that's for the bird to roosht on"
S \ citizen went into Norwich hardware
n store the other day and inquired " How
e much do you ask for bath tub for child p
r "Three dollars and seventy.fve cents,''
Y was the reply. "W-h-e.w?" wh;stled the
If customer, "Guess we'll have to keep on
y washing the baby in the coal scuttle till
e prices come down. ."-Norw;ch Bulletin.
n Science says now that kissing on the lips
1T must be abolished in the interest Of health.
E. Most potent, grave and reverend seigniors,
is scholars and philosophers, there are mo-
4 ments you know nothing Of, when a man
r don't care two cents for science, and when
lie he is going to plant kisses where they be
le long, if the laws of health are torn from
le Alpha to observation-disclosures L,m6erman
~ "You find this pretty cold weather, dom
at you?' was asked of Dutchman wht
e. seemed half frozen. DTein lIrashus ," h
ly returned, "you dakes me for py krashu
ID fool? You dinks l might pc on hunting
barty, we're dere might pc cold vedder
Mein gootness, dot vedder vas come hunt
IN ing aroundt me und finds me shust so soor
IS. as idt vas arrivf heir. y IonkerS Gazette.
ne -
lg A recent advertisement contains th'
in following: If the gentleman who keeps
in the shoe store with red head will return
the umbrella of n Young lady with whale
bone ribs and an iron handle to the slate
h. rooted grocer's shop, he will hear of some
wv thing to his advantage, as the same is th
id gift of deceased mother now no mor'
en- with tho name engraved upon it.
er -