The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-02-21
Cap and Bells.

"Train wreckerp'she hissed as he bluuderipp-
ly stumbled upon the long expanse Of dress in
the crowded ball room.
Unidentified: "a little poem in an exchange
signed "Gertie,' asks "Will you love me for
ever?" We can't promise. Gertie. We might
not live that ong.
Musical and dramatic criticism by the intelli
gent public Young lady to her escort at the
end of the secord act OF ''Faust;" "Why, ths,
Msphistofie is an awful feller, aia't hep"
Philadelphia Times: Some men are born
nsphews, Others achieve uepbews, but Mr..
Tilden throws out the sad impression that he
had nephew thrust upon him.
Fun: Moouey.-Fathsr: Good evsnine, Pat
sy; it's fine moonlight night. Patsy; Tt is,
your holiness; but it is not tonight We want
the moon outfits dark nights we want it,
Oil City Derrick: There is said to be rage
in Psris for old buttons. In this country We
are not so articuar When the head of the
house goes to put on a clean shirt Sunday
morning the rage is for any kind of buttons.
London Panch: Far Oae [durng the inter
val in the vase]-"You're very fond of dane
lug, sint yon?' Brow1-"Yaas. | 90 in for
good deal" Fair One-'I wonder you dou't
learnP'
Punch Fscetious Parson Ito parishorer,
who is not believed to be rigid sbstainer, an d
who has fallen on the ice)-"Ab, Mr. Brown
Fools stand in slippery places, I've heard"
Mr.. Brown (the footpath was in frightfu
statel-''So see, sir; but Pm blest if can"
The other day young swell fell asleep while
spending an evening with some ffiepds, and
they. for joke shaved off one side of his
moustache, and laughed at him about it when
ne awoke. He has been in the most distressing
confederation ever sine, because be cannot
discover which side it was.
Lonion Punch: The New Footmsn [stento. |
riously ]-"Mrs. Montgomery JenkiDs's carr
age" Mrs Montgomery Jenkins-"Ah-tel |
he coachmaa to wait" New Footmar-
'Please, Ma'am, he says he can't. He says |
be's got another job az twenty minnits past 1
elevenp'
London Pdnch: Old Lady (wbo had been |
buying egRs)-"Deed, Mr.. McTrescle butch. |
er's meats sac dear nowadays ah'm no able TO |
buy 'tr' Grocer-"Yeu should tnrn vegeta- |
rian--'' Old Lady-'A vegstaran!-ns, nal |
ali was born an bfocht upi the free kirk, an |
a m no gaun to change ma releegion i M auld |
daysw
Oil City Derrick: When we are young we |
waste great deal of time in imagining what |
We will do when we grow older, and when we |
are old we waste 3 great deal of time in lying |
about what we did when we were youug-iu |
telling about cold winters and the trouble ex. |
perienced in gaining our knowledge.
Binghampton Republican: The only way
TO get even with treacherous mule-and who
ever saw any other-is to take his shoes off,
lead him on to the smooth ice and blsckguard
him. BE dare not indulge his natural propen-
sity, and the vexaton of spirit exhibited in his
intelligent countensncs is really interesting.
Andrews's Bazsr: They begged him to play
a little. He seemed to feel bashfal at first,
bat after while began to paw the ivory vigor. |
ously. "Whst power! said listener to the |
owner of the piano. eyes," exclaimed the lat |
ter in alarm, ''he seems to have considerable |
muscle; but he ought to know that this isn't a
gyhnasium."
Danbury News; A scientist claims that a |
cat has no affection. We don't know about /
that, slthough deemng it likely enough, hut
there are two men in Weston who are will.
ing to make oath that Cat has no principle |
IS one led the two chase Of several miles
through the snow half way to their waists, Civ
Jog them to understand all the time tha. /: was
q coon.
Norristown Herald: lock Of President |
Washingt,n's hair has just been Presented to |
Lodge No. 4. A. f. and A. NJ. of Richuond- |
the lodge in which the Father of bis Country was |
initiated, passed and raised IL is estimated
that not more than fifteen hundred locks Of |
Washington's hair are now in existence, and |
tn, report, therefore, thst New York religi- |
Gus weekly prop1s 1sss to give a lock of his hair
to each new subscriber is not foundsd on fact,
Baine's Sketches.