The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-11-15


The Albany Journal has discovered man
whose head is as thick as the leaves of Nallam-
brosa.
Vittlcs and clos vittlcs and clos,
The older we gets the better we knows
That all we can cit is vittcs and clos,
Nttlcs and clos,
No one objects to seeing the Indian summer
here, but out in Colorado they say they would
rather see the Indian somewhere else.
"a pew for sale commanding beautiful view
of nearly the whole congregations" is the word
ing of an advertisement in n Rochester paper
Upon modest gravestonc in Vincenncs Gene
terry appears the plaintiyc legend, "IIis ncighbor
played the cornet."
Like Lazarus-as If | had been licked by
dogs" bitterly remarked Gov Robinson when
asked how he felt.
newspaper reporter who died recently left II
large sum of money behind him. In fact, he
left all the money there was in the world.
Mary Ann has not been seen
Since early Monday morning;
She lit the stove with kerosene,
And mzzled without warning.
Young ladies DESTROYS Of leading lives of true
lnwardness," should adopt two maxims-for the
summer, ! scream; for the winter, stir.
A Chicago opera audience last week was kept
waiting nearly an hour because Fdusfs red tights
had not arrived and he wouldn't 20 contrary to
usage by wearing blue ones.
at is too cold for ice cream now,n
And he softly winked his eye;
"Oh yes, dear 'Dolf, know it is;
But I'll take an oyster fry"
-Rgfdio Sunday T'D'.S.
The report that an impccunous young man had
passed in his checks" arose from the fact of
his having pawned his plaid pantaoons.
Some women have just been arrested in Ken
tuckey for the manufacture OF Illicit whskey.
This is the first recorded instance of woman
keeping still.
Some people will commit a crime with one foot
in the grave. A woman 100 years old Is reported
as learning to play accordion up in Vermont.
BostoH Post.
A lady temperance lecturer wants TO know
'why men drink" In Lockport men drink be-
cause they are asked to- Here in Joliet a man
can't afford to drink If he asks two.-JolN Rpub-
hcoR
An Eola man raised parsnip that measured
Ave feet in length and sixteen and q quarter inch.
es in circumference. He was very sure when he
came to examine it that it couldn't be beet.
A new writer asserts that genuine earnest
ness is always quiet" We shall next hear that
mad bull in the presence Of a red flag is not in
earnest.-N. q. P'cdydw.
In describing bloody ARRAY an exchange says:
''He grasped the chair he was sitting on and
struck Mcmahon over the head breaking it in
several pieces" And strange to say Mcmahon
lived
Rev. VIM. Mckay after reading several notices
from his pulpit in the Methodist church at Gene
va, Ind, said there was another matter of which
he desired to inform the congregation. His wife
had elopod with Mr.. IIatton, neighbor
The boldcst desperate in Arizona is, alasl no
more. He had the tremendous audacity to step
out on the plaza and commence singing: "Kind
Captain Eve important informstion"--a Tue.
son was equal TO the occasion with 1G.caibrc
cartridge.
The Auburn .id,ertiSe' remarks that " the
welkin rings" OF course 1t rings Did the Id
gsrtiser ever know Of wclkin that didn't ring :!
7. S.-By the way, what is welkin ?-iUdHy
Journal
On certain American railroad young man
put HIS head out Of the window to kiss his girl
goodbye, when the train went ahead SO rapidly
that he kissed an aged African female at the next
station. This is supposed to be the fastest time
ever made on a railway tram
The Norristown Hcrad prints the following To-
cal paragraph adam Youngman will rent the
large second story room at Main and Cherry
streets" II is exceedingly painful to find such
violent language in respectable newspaper, and
especially upon such a commonplace subject
A Virginia City New paper heads a spicy ar.
ticle upon disastrous adventure with We tiger
by some OF the Hayerly mastodon minstrels,
with the following quatrain from standard
poet:
The minstrel boys 70 the East have gone,
In some emigrant car you'll find them;
Gainst the tiger they pitted the mastodon,
And left their coin behind them.
SONG or BOOMER
Make room
For the boOml
Ulyss'
Is thi.
Way coming,
Now coming;
From ms world wide roam
He is coming home.
Get up
And Dust
For boom
We must
When our Ulyss' gets home.
The Joliet Republican relates pathetic story
how drake, whose mate was run over by a
wagon and killed, sat down by the corpse for
many hours until finally driven away. Somehow
among politicians there is no such affection for
Gsdead ducks Even the staunch Mendota Pe
porter unfeelingly tells Webster it served him
right.
the DREARY MONTH IN LONDON.
No sumo moon!
No morn-no noon