Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-05-09
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A CANDID OPINION.-A Detroit law
YER. noted for his wise and candid opinions.
was the other day visited by young law
yer, who explained:
81 was admitted two years ago, and l
think I know something about law, yet
the minute arise to address jury tor
oct all nv points and can do nothing.
Now. I want to ask you if this doesn't
show lack of confidence in myself, and how
can overcome it?'
The wise attorney shut his eyes and
studied the case for a moment before an
swering.
s'My young friend, il it is lack of conf
dence in yourself it will some day vanish,
but if it is lack of brains you had better
sell out your Office effects and buy pick
axe and a long-handle shovel.''
sBut how am to determine?' anxious
ly asked the young man.
I'D buy the pick-axe anyhow and run
my chances!" whispered the aged adviser,
as he moved over to the peg for his over
coat.
"What did your mother say, my little
man? Did you give her my card 20 asked
an inexperienced young gentleman OF
little boy whose mother had given him an
invitation to call upon her. whose street
door was accordingly opened to his un-
timely summons, by the urchin aforesaid.
eyes, gave it to her was the innocent re-
ply, and she said if you were not natural
born fool, you wouldn't come on Monday
morning, when everybody was washing! ]"
Nothing can reach out further than
cough at church. It may come from tie
remotest corner in the rear, but its echo
tickles the throat of those in front, and
then creeps down the aisle, and touches
the ushers, and floats from the choir to
the minister, and never releases its hold
until it has Wrung a sympathetic explosion
from every victim. Perhaps you've MOTTO
ed it.
Fred, the prince of wags, was getting
home rater late, and little happy; when,
passing by dark alley, a large two-fisted
follow stepped out, seized him by the collar,
and demanded his money. money! said
Fred, money l have none; but if you will
hold on moment, will give you my note
for thirty days.
When we are young we waste great
deal of our time in imagining what we
will do when we grow older, and when we
grow old we waste an equal amount in ly-
ing about what we did when we were
young-in telling about the cold winters
and the trouble experienced in gaining our
knowledge.
A Seymour, Indiana, man picked up
stick of cordwood the other night and
chased a cat across the back yard. He
didn't catch the cat, but he caught the
clothes line with his teeth, and now when
he smiles the corners of his mouth pass
each other at the back CT his neck.
We cannot understand why dentist
persists IN asking questions of patient
whose mouth is filed with MAJ kin,
sheet of rubber, several clamps, three fin
gers and that horrible instrument OF tor
ture, the revolving drill.
"Cider may be good Temperance drink,
but l kan manage to get so drunk On IL
that kant tell one ov the IL command
ments from bylaw ov baseball klub.
Josh Billt,tqs.
Better it is to sit on barrel at the cor
ner grocery with contentment than to re-
pose in the most luxurious easy-chalr,
adorned with tidy, in the house OF the or
der-loving woman.
When a young man comes to believe that
a glass of liquor is a daily necessity he
must soon quit drinking and attend to
business. or quit business and attend to
drinking.
Strange, isn't ii? Smoke good cigar
and you will never hear word about IL,
hut light one of those four-for-ten-cents
and everybody within hundred yards will
talk about it.
The very last curiosity spoken of in the
papers is a wheel that came off dog 8
tail when it was Vaughn. The man who
discovered it has retired from public life.
Pat Murphy says there are SO many fish
in the sea that if you should take every
fsn YOU could catch out of it he didn't
think there would be one the less in it.
This world is full ov very uncommon
sense. but good old hard cider kommon
sense il skase, and it seems to me it IL
going to be skaser.-Josh Billings.
Orc can lay his hand on SO many sur
vayors of the battle of Waterloo that it
takes heap of thinking to discover that
ANYBODY was killed in the fight.
A LAWYER who had most absurd case
submitted to him, on being asked il it
would lie he answered: Eyes, II the W.T.
ness will lie too. but not otherwise.
The upstart chat rose 10 a point OF order
after sitting down upon the aggressive
end Of pin was assured by the chair that
the point was Well taken.
A Cincinnati rork~packer, who has be-
come very wealthy, has put motto on the
nanel of his carriage. 1t is 'In hog signo
vinces."
That is a false impression which leads
rers.,n to the conclusion that six syl-
liable school teacher can be procured for
one-syllable salary.
A correspondent explains why he hadn't
written befors by saying he could not ''get
xnoney enough together" to buy postal
card.
There is no mistaking a real gentleman.