Connecticut western news., 1879-10-15
WIT AND WISDOM.

The elder.
 Advice to Musicians-C sharp and be natural.
 The board of education--the school masters shingle.
 Every man has his preiudices, and every woman her blas.
 Have few condolences, if you would preserve many friendships.
 The watch lacks self-respect; it is always trying to run itself down.
 No use trying, you can't make per sons voice clear by straining 1t.
 The Syracuse Times wants to know if an editors hat can be called news tile.
 In Virginia when they imbibe they say to the bell ll-puncher :" Ring another of my funeral notes"
 Nero, Pompey and Caesar are com mon names for dogs, but wouldn't Agrlp- pa be more appropriate?
 Tt is very easy for man to break fast in bed if he will be satisfied with few rolls and turnover.
 This is @ queer world. When for tune smiles on man he never knows It, until some one tells him.
 The Chicago type of a girl has nonpareil head on brevier body and long primer feet-typographically speak ing. ..-.. .. .s ,, If you do not want to be robbed of your good name, says Minneapolis Tribune, don't have it printed on your umbrella.
 When he is twenty-one the boy is supposed to have outgrown the switch, but that is just the age when the girl begins to need one.
 Some unknown philosopher has re- centty formulated the idea that in game of cards good deal depends on good playing and good playing on good deal.
 It is a very serious question, and yet one which every man ought to think seriously upon, whether if you should ever be out of your mind you would have far to go.
 Love rules the court, the camp, the grove, the earth below and heaven above, but it never sewed gray patch on husbands black trousers. That isn't love. That's revenge.
 An old sea captain used to say he didn't care how he dressed when abroad, because nobody knew him." and he didn't care how he dressed when at home, "because everybody knew him."
 A Sunday school teacher asked : "What bird is large enough to carry on a manP" Nobody knew; but one little girl suggested GA lark" And then she explained Mamma said papa wouldn't be home until Monday because he had gone off on lark"
 The old story about the man whose vote made Marcus Morton Governor of Massachusetts years ago has started again. Morton was elected by one ma iority, and two or three thousand people have since had 8 story to tell of their having cast the vote that elected him.
 A lady sends her laundress wash ing list among which is the following: {: One frilled white petticoat (no starch). On Saturday the washing comes home, and with it the bill, among the items m which are the following :-One friiled petticoat twenty cents, no starch ten cents.
 -I must tell you of @ conversation l overheard at Manhattan Beach between two children who were playing in the sand together. The small boy said 70 the little girl: {" Do you wish to be my little wifeq" The little girl. after re- flecting: "Yes-" The small boy "Then take off my boots"
 .-Grace Greenwood relates as an in- stance of the extravaganza of New Eng land humor, that when 8 young farmers wife made her first boys pants precisely as simple before as behind, the farmer exclaimed: "Goodness, he won't know whether he is going to school or coming homer'
 When some people are boosting of their ancestry we are reminded of the story of Jerrold. A man told him that he was descended from Cardinal Wolsey. '" Cardinal Wolsey ?" was the sharp re- ply, "my dear sir, you must mean Lin sey Woolsey."
 There are some people who think they make the most of life when they make it as wretched as possible. Lut- trell was once asked if an acquaintance of his was not very disagreeable. "Well," !" was the reply, Che is always as disa- greeable as the circumstances will per nit"
 -" We'll, my son." said a good-na- tured father to ar. .eight-year-old son the other night, "what have you done to- day that may be set down as a good deed ?" "Gave poor boy five cents, !" replied the hopeful. "Ah, ah l that was charity, and charity is always right. He was an orphan boy, was he r
 "I didn't stop to ask," replied the boy
 "I gave him the money for licking l boy who upset my dinner basket r