West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-04-05
WAITS AND WHIMS.

TINS is the walking year, the next
will be leap year.
ADAM was the only man ever married
on his wedding Eve.
He who is not in any particular Office
has nothing TO do with plans for the
administration OF it's duties.
Ar the present rate of increase of the
Slav race, Russia will have 100000, 600
of inhabitants in fifty years.
MANY young persons believe them
selves natural when they are only inn
polite and coarse.
IF you would render your children
helpless, never compel or permit them
to help themselves.
ADVICE slike snow the softer il falls,
the longer it dwclls upon, and the deeper
il sinks into the mind.
"MAN wants but little here below -
Hut here tho poets wrong
For when ir6 time upon note,
lie wants II awful long.
- EImird Gdsetts
WE have yet TO hear Of the first wo-
man who proposes TO do II Thousand
washings in a thousand quarter hours--
oily city Derrick.
For one word man Is often deemed
TO be wise, and for one word me is often
deemed 10 be foolish. We ought IN be
careful indeed in what we say.
A NORTH CAROLINIAN has seen and
heard the phonograph, and describes u
M Il sausage-mill with n voice like "a
women's rights convention.
An old bachelor says il takes smart
woman TO make iirst.class fool Prob
ably some ordinary woman has made a
second.cass fool of him.
He said but little, yet as he gazed on
the mutilated edge Of his best razor he
mentally vowed never again 10 marry
woman with corns.
New York presents gold medals TO
such of her police as meritoriously
distinguish themselves. One medal has
been passed out since 1869.
THERE is young man in North
Hampton, n. H., whose proud boast is
that he MIXED thirteen cows in iifty-six
minutes.
Ir is claimed that William Muuroe, OF
Concord, Mass, made the first lead
pencil ever made in America. This
was in 1871.
Tux dBt bird OF Spring attempted 10 sing,
But ere he had sound d n rOto
Ho fell from the limb. doad bird was him,
a New YORK doctor declares that tho
walking exhibitions are not athletic
exercises, but sheer abuse Of strength
and an open defiance ofall natural laws.
IT isstrange how many letters contain
ing money are miscarried, while patent
medicine advertisement goes through as
slick as a whistle.-SaieD, Sunbeam.
AN Omaha man was determined 10
learn his horse 10 walk up pair of
stairs, and after fifty trials the animal
walked up fell down and crushed his
master 20 pulp.
IN an Indiana church the best looking
young ladies are selected TO pass the con
triDution boxes. and there isn't a young
man in the congregation that dare drop
in button.
THERE are about 250, 900 Indians in
the United States and Alaska, and of
that number more than half wear clothes
like white men, with the exception of
false teeth.
A HoUsTON COUNTY (Ga.) negro bit
the finger Of one Of his colored fellow.
citizens some time ago. A bone-felon
formed ia the finger, Inflammation set
in, and the bitten negro died.
IF yellow and blue make green, how
| can you account for the fact that the
absence of yellow and green in ones
| pocket makes one blue ?--Bost0n
| TrdnscriDf.
The poormaster i'm Lemont, Ill, keeps
a bar,rOOm, and il is charged that he en-
cOurages men TO spend their money for
his liquor by promising TO help their
families from the public treasury
ChicagO Tmes.
An anomaly Of charity: That there
are 10 few homes for homeless old men.
Nearly every large city has homes for
| old women, but the friendless old man
must 90 70 the poor house -Roche'ter
/ DcmOcr0f.
WHEN n boy walks with a girl rs
I though he were afraid some one would
| zee him, the girl is his sister. If he
\ walks 20 close to her as ~ nearly crowd
! her against the fence she is the sister OF
some one elsc.--Sthrqter LtmlJerm0p.
AT n recent hanging man appeared
I ON the scene leading his two boys 6Omo
one remarked that they would be-
" frightened to death" The father
said that he hoped that they would !;
az 10 would have good influence
/ on them. and added of / bad not
/ seen a man hanged, when ] was boy, !
/ think should have been the iniernalist
rascal i'm the world"
a YOUNG woman married an old Wild
/ over in Tannervillc, Ca, and soon fell
/ in love with his SON. who was about her
own age. The matter WAS fully dis
cusscd by the trio, and all agreed thatit
/ would be better for her TO become the
| wife Of the son. The transfer was ami
cably made by means Of divorce
Since then the old man has married his
\ ex-wiles mother, and the reaTanged
family is harmonious and happy Troy
] Times