River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-05-01
NEWS PARAGRAPHS.
ae early cucumber hits below the belt.


hat.
Dennis Kearney shayes With pair of scis-
sors.
Clara Louise Kellogg has had five colds this
winter.
The foliage has about got through its leave of
absence.
Are shopping ladies liable to be called price
fighters?
Prince Napoleon's war cry-"Up guards and
run for your lives"
What is the car maxim all this fuss about?
Nihilism is nothing.
Spring. bright, bee utiful balmy spr-but
it may snow to-morros.
The French soldier i, TO have gray trowsers
instead of red, hereaftet.
There's kind of muslin called Jamdari. 1t
makes Jamdari costume.
Since the first day of March Chicago packers
have handled 2s7.0O0 hogs.
Hanging of late doesn't result in necks-taut-
ing confessions from criminals.
st. Louis man ran six blocks after his nose
thinking he was going to a fire.
The king of Burmah is as independent as
swine upon CONCEALED aqueous fluid.
A Cortland, N. Y, man, who ate It's CLANS
is called "a living instance of gulosity."
We can prove that the wind is non-progres
sive. Isn't it precautionary in it's tendencies?
| new reading for an old proverb; "A Miss
good for 5000 quarter miles. Boston
Times.
| Ohio must look to her laurels. 1t was an In
diana man ate two dozen boiled goose eggs in
thirty MINUTES.
| When a young sexton with sweetheart
heard any gossip, he always went straightway
and told his belle.
| The czar must follow the example of Eng
land and order lot of American mules 20 kick
the Nihilists to death.
| 1t is to be regretted that the widow didn't
win her case. If Simon had married her she
wouldn't have lectuted.
! Bismarck leaves the national chamber when
those members whom he specially dislikes get
up to make address.
| Only wait till Cetywoyo meets Kiokawayo
the chief of the American mules. Then you
will see a fight as is fight.
| Single weddings are becoming fashionable.
They occur when the first child is old enough
| to spank.-Meriden Recorder.
| A calcium light, turned on from the upper
circle of a theater. always strikes the bald head
| Of the big fiddler most forcibly.
| Miss Mary Townsend, of New York, is the
last beautiful and accomplished young lady"
who has wed her fathers coachman.
| The Chinese are beginning TO make use of
milk in their country. Heretofore they have
avoided it entirely, also cheese and butter.
| Boyton, after finishing his trip down the
mississippi river, will make voyage down the
ST. Lawrence and will try to shoot its rapids.
Will the people who talking about
Europe's king-kilers please tell who they
are2 We haven't heard of any sovereign's death
by violence.
England has sent to America for military
talent to prosecute the South African war. We
have Just shipped her 500 of our most intel
lectual mules.
| Wagner, the composer, has become hopelessly
insane He was always considered an eccentric
individual, but probably it was incipient mad
ness all the time.
This proverb is floating about the country:
Zone talent well cultivated is worth hundred
faculties" We refer it to the head men of the
different colleges.
The Trocadero Palace is as much of a white
elephant as the buildings at Philadelphia. The
city of Paris refuses to give the $1,000 0OOf. the
State asks for the building.
| The three New York printers who drew $5 600
apiece in lottery will do better still by not
leaving off type setting. Let them give other
| folks chance to be fooled
| Opium smoking finds little liberation in ia
A aautapnad In bon
years hard labor in Yokohama for violation of
the law against the practice.
splendid national theater, TO be erected re-
gardless of expense, is projected in London,
after the idea of the Grand Opera House in
Paris, which cost about 100000.
The publisher of the Revolution FiaaeaiSe
has been sentenced to pay fine of 5000 francs
and to eight months imprisonment for a
sourrillious article against Catholicity.
Cyrus Field proposes erecting monument
to tho English spy, Major Andre, and now it is
proposed thot one be erected to Nathan Hale,
the first of American martyrs to liberty.
Detroit is going to have bridge across the
Detroit river. The reason is good one. She
must have it, and she isn't going to have any
Brooklyn nonsense about its construction
either.
Twelve paper making establishments in
England have become bankrupt since last De-
cember. Scarcely any American paper fac
tories have been reported insolvent within that
period.
WATERFOWL, N. T., has definitely settled the
tramp question by locking up the almshouse
and issuing mandate TO arrest every member
of the travelling pests that frequents the
village.
1t is said that Sotheru will be accompanied
this country next month by the Duke of Beau |
fort Has Sotlern sunk so low as 10 go
traipsing around the country in company with
duke?
Brown wrote to his father in the country |
that no one could live decently in Boston for |
less then SO day. The old man replied that |
if decency was selling so dear, he'd better
come home.
A paragraph to the effect that a man near
Fran kfort, KY. was killed by falling into. a |
we'll, the other day, is extremely astonishing. |
Who ever heard of Kentucky man being with |
in mile of we'll?
1--WE are going out with the tied saba
young man to friend, as he filed down the
aisle after wedding. 'In that case, said a
lady in front, ''you can afford to get off my |
train" And he did.
Celebrated as is England for it's high farm |
ing there are yet 80, 900 acres of waste or
uncultivated land in that country--a possible !
means of home food production to that island
is certainly very promising.
The English government has appointed an
''Old Prob" and the London Times has begun
printing his predictions. With characteristic
John Bull-ism, the Times speaks of it as a new
and venturesome undertaking.
The fame of Spurgeon is on the decline. He
is no longer the idol of the impressionahle por
ton of the people, and even his most ardent |
admirers are relaxing their devotion. Joseph |
Cook can sympathize with him.
The works at the Strasburg Cathedral, which |
had been suspended during the winter, have re- |
Gently been resumed, and are being pushed
forward with great vigor, with view to their
completion during the present year.
They are hsving high jinks at the Brookly |
PresbYtery, making the prisoner at the bar !
laugh as wide in The face as if he we're at cir
Gus. Liar and 'scoundrel'' promise TO be-
come pulpit words, from their free use by the |
elergy.
A Swiss paper publishes some curious hunt |
ing statistics, from which it appears that dur
ing the past year 779 chamois, bears, 5 eagles |
vultures, Is owls, GO sparrowhawks, S24 mag
pics, and one other bird was killed in the Can |