Daily Republican., 1879-09-25
tHuno.ous.
AcHANcB yoR WORK.

U0M.
"Do you want to hire :" yelled the
armer. ..t .--,..s-.. 1lu.r.,
Judge Of my astonishment when both
ramps chorused back: 49,.
"Yss up ras 4tH
Well, l thought, they aren't Ameri-
IAN tramps anyhow, or they wouldn't
lisgracs the profession in this way
But stood still to listen and watch, for
i was an unusual sight-two tramps
yoing to work.
"Then come over here l" yelled the
and the two fellows sprang over
The fence and trudged across the mea-
dow with the brisk air Of men who real
ly wanted work and meant business.
The farmer stood still, leaning on bis
gazing intently at my notion
less figure. 7 Presently his voice broke
the silence once more:
Don't that other fellow want to
hire, tooi" he yelled.
The two tramps turned and glanced
1t me for my reply. ! shook my head
sadly, but firmly, and moved on, with
put waiting To hear the farmers NUT
tered comments on my laziness. An
may die, but he never works.
A LANE CONCLUSION. t..
The other day stranger was looking
at the big engine At the Hudson Water.
works, and his general makeup satisfied
the engineer that he was q person o.
deep thought and . man to appreciate
the merits Of monster machinery. The
stranger viewed the engine from every
side and angle, and sat down. Then
he reviewed II and took another rest
Then he walked around the building In
a wise way and came bsok for another
inspection. For two long hours he
hardly held his eyes of the ponderoui
maohiney, but was at last ready to 60
Taxing one last look, he walked up tt
the engineer and said:
"Say, mister, this ERE injun runs by
steam, don't it,! ~
"Why, Of COURSE" was the answer.
"Well, I thought SO more'n half al
hour ago." continued the mau, "butit''
Just as we'll to be sure about thes,
things. There are so many wind mill
around here nowadays that person
can't be certain of nothing"
A RULE THAT WON'T WORK BOTH WAYS
A military man who boasts that h
can't be caught, no matter what yor
ask him, bat who is really stupid, Il
asked how many miles it is from Pari
to Berlin,
"Three hundred.
"And how many is there from Berli1
to Paris 7"
"The same, of COURSE"
"That's where you're wrong"
"Wrong!" exclaimed the military
man, astonished and troubled.
"Yes, wrong! You know how LON
lit is between Christmas and New
Years 7"
eyes"
"Well, is it the same between New
Years and Christmas
"By jove, you're right, | nevel
thought of that before"
GRIsT PROM GRIN FACTORIES.
Do you really believe that an as
ever spoke to Balaamf'' queries MAJ
who prides himself on his intellect
Coleridge, to whom the question wa
put, reflected very calmly for a fev
moments, and then responded, I'M.
friend, | have no doubt whatever tha
the story is true have been spoken t
in the same way myself"
The base ball fever is raging il
Rhode Island. The only difficulty i
playing the game there is that tn
center and right felders have to stan
| in Massachusetts, and the left in Con
necticut, while the catcher is in constan
danger Of backing off into the Atlanti
Ocean.
"This," said the dentist, sis my o.
fce." .., .,..-
"And that 2" inquired visitor, ,point
ing to the department where stood
tooth pulling chair.
"And that, +" replied the proprietor
sis my drawing room."
Three girls, having met together, COZ
cluded to pray for the welfare Of thei
lovers; but tho first one had not &
very far along in her petition when
was discovered that they were all or
geged to the same man. The religion
exercises were at once terminated.
On a homeward bound Charleston ca
a jolly looking Irishman was salute
with the remark, "Tim your house ha
blown away"
"Dade thin, it isn't" he answered
"for have the key in my pocket"
He was b diagustsd boy. He had ex
ercised great caution, and had fnall.
succeeded in crawling unobserved, un
der the canvass into the tent. And h
found it was not circus, but reviva
meeting in progress. @'a
"No, SIR" said the gentleman fror
Pittsburg. ~ was not in tho war, bu
my brother was, he was wounded"
"Ah, indeed. Seriously wounded'"
"Yes SIR" he replied, che was sho
in the horse. ~ rr,.. ..t.-
A writer on style says. ut Is tn
fashion in France for ladies to take to
in their bonnets and gloves" On
objection to this Is that some Of tn
bonnets do not hold dmuch more than
lump Of sugar. %h sE't74".
"No, can't stay" replied a gentle
man who was invited to stay al nigh
at the house Of a friend "before morr
| ing my wife would be out with 4 Lar
tern, like Diogenes, hunting up an hor
est man." ,r,s..,f.rs4.
Sheridan, on one occasion, after
Door amateur performance, was aske
what actor he liked best. 'The promp
er." said he, 'for l saw loss and hear
more Of him than any one else.
| At the seaside. Affable boardin
bouse keeper to prospective tenan
uJuat loox at the view of the beach sil