The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-08-22
Items.

Items.
Minnesota has town called Good
Thunder,
People that have hens to shoe seldom
20 TO the cobbler.
Our best Irish bacon ia sometimes inn
ported direct from Ohio.
The pedestrians mission, like the
physicians, is toe-heel.
Come to my aims as the poormaster
said to the tramp.
The cobbler who works all night sings,
"It's never too late to mend"
--"His profession What is his profess
sion ?" Madam, he pedals music"
White flannel suits are made for ladies
to wear in midsummer at the seaside.
A facetious critic observes that there
are many .crew-ditties in 'P.nafore,'
Floral horseshoes have taken the place
of wedding.bells at fashionable mar
riages.
A Texan has eloped with Mrs. Onion.
The breath of scandal in this case will be
too much for cloves.
An old lady living in Loudon County,
Va is the mother of14 children, all living,
whose ages range from AZ to 20 years.
1t is said that Mississippi farmers are
thinking of going into the corn and cattle
trade. and leaving cotton severely alone.
The longest pine root has recently been
dug up on plantation, a few miles from
Savannah, Ga. 1t was 102 feet long.
The Ancient and Honorable Artillery
was nearly half a century old two hundred
years ago.
An army of men find continual EN-
ployment at Newport m owing the velvet
lawns in front of the nabobs' houses.
When drunken man reels from his
saddle to the ground, and his horse stands
on him, which is the lower animal.
Won Buow says that music can be cul.
tivated with success in those countries only
where the sun shines and the grape ripens.
AT Leghorn more than 1000 women are
employed in the manu- facture Of coral beads
tor necklaces, which promise to be fashion.
able.
In shoOing flv the more experienced
blacksmith Uses cloth instead of ham
mer. 1t is not 30 liable to damage the fur
niture.
The man who makes wheels is a Wheel
wright, but that doesn't prove that the man
who makes anchors is an anchorite, by any
means.
Always water plants with sponge.
Get the large, coarse kind, and ysu will
save yourself much annoyance and spattered
| walls.
-Catech ism What is an island? A
body surrounded by water. Give an illus
tration. An editor in the city on summer
day.
A Los Angeles boy has new idea of
the refrain. Being asked in Sunday-school
what is the meaning of 'Selah, replie that
| it was ancient for "WhOa, EmmaW
The lover who vows he is willing to
die for the object of his choice, means no
more than the man who bOrrows five dol
lars and agrees to drop in Tomorrow
| This i, the season of the year when
the little boy is more afraid of the warmth
of his mothers slipper than he is of the
GOODNESS of the water.
The eruption of IEtna now in progress
is the seventy ninth eruption of this volcano
o which there is record, and promises TO
be one of the most memorable ones.
Dignity becomes a man, but VIII en- your
hat and gentle zephyr have about rod
the start Of you, dignity becomes of as lit
tie account as a last year calendar.
What feeling of relief comes over q
woman as she enters q church and discovers
that her neighbor's wife has the same fea-
theirs on her hat that she wore last sea-
son.
"A narrow minded individual objects to
having army officers commit suicide. He
says they have no right to shed brains which
he has been taxed for educating at West
Point.
The moon is always just the same he
said languidly, and yet always find some
new beauty in it. ITS just so with the cir
Gus, she answered. He took the hint and
bought tickets for two.
Somebody has discovered the ::climax oi
thoug ghtlessness, which is, being seated on
an omnibus, to pull handkerchief out OF
your right-hand neighbor's pocket to wipe
your left hand neighbor's eye.
1t doesn't take long for rural neigh.
, borhood to find out what kind of carpet
? and furniture newly married pair possess
, after the usual round of formal calls hav,
been made by observing women.
i envy the man that kan talk 365 day
in year an one subjeckt and think he i
: original and interesting all the time /; but
t don't want tn be sun n-in.law ov these kin(
: ov people.-Josh Billings.
Mamma, may go to Bridget's cousin
funeral tomorrow /" MammG-'NO, M
dear. You went to party last night an
/ n. I nh hox,a hol
e amusement enough for the present.
: There is truth in my remarks. yelle,
: out scolding wife to her suffering husband
and he meekly answered, T'll grant all tn
, truth there is in your remarks, if you will
only put fewer remarks into your truth
The charge of telegraphing from New
;, York to Yokohama is IS. .05 per word; bu
the code, or cipher, is so well systematize
d by certain mercantile houses that singl
l. word serves for a dozen when transcrit
d ed.
j. When one of our army comm issarie
N was asked by Gen. Grant how much his stor
of corn at Nashville would amount to,
II said after some reflection" 1t would f.
Boston Common as high, as three-itor
B. house."
10 New Orleans has had no circus thi
y year. The goats are weary waiting for pic
8. lures ofhorses on the fences, and so the
y dine on lace curtains, or whatever eve
= among a weeks washing looks tender an
inviting.
The farmers of Victoria, Australia, are s
desirous of acquiring knowledge of sgr
% cultural chemistry that they travel forty
Id fifty m lies to hear Mr.. MacIvor, formerly
H. Anderson's College, Glasgow, Scotland, le
a ture on the subject.
j. A little dog in the front yard will NAL
m more noise than a whole mensgsrie- psrti,
" ulsrly when fellow is trying to slip out
O. the front door without making any nois