The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-12-26
1T MUST BE AWFUL.
The Troubles of Baggage Master.
BY QUuP.

1T MUST BE AWFUL.
The Troubles of Baggage Master.
BY QUHP.
Two men sat side by side, in a billiard
hall the other evening. They had APP.
parently settled down for the evening
without energy enough TO pull off then
OvercOats, and for long time they
seemed To be giving themselves up 10
medItations such rs Napoleon might
have INDUCED in while on the island OF
St. Helena. AT last one of them drew a
sigh which appeared to come up from,
his very boots. His neighbor turned
half around and with a sympathetic OK.
preston, remarked:
You look tired"
"Yes, am" answered the other I'm
tired of life; don't think anybody ever
had to put up with what do"
why, my friend" said the first
speaker, thought was the worst affiict-
ed man that ever lived"
We'll, you may think you have
trouble, but l tell you, you don't know
what trouble is. You just put yourself
i'll my position and see. / need SYM
pathy and l never get il and never will
as long as I'm in the business I'm in
now"
What is your business
I'm baggage master down at the de-
pot and"
Baggage MASTER" growled the CUES
tioncr. Yes. remember you. You're
the man who threw my valise forty-two
feet ON the platform last week Do you
know, sir, that that valise contained
quart bottle Of country whisky which l
was going to have analyized for Il temper
ance lecturer? Yes, sir; and when l
got to my Office and went to take the
bottle out I found it broken into four
teen hundred pieces, and when l went
home my wife cried for two days and
told our minister that she could stand
almost anything but that. When her
husband and his valise both came home
drunk she must confide in some one.
Now, sir, our home has not been what
it should be since, AMI that's why I'm
here Tonight. Yes, I'll sympathize with
ynu. (reaching for billiard cue) and I'll
publish you in my paper besides.
Now, hold up" said the baggage
smasher, don't be rash. I'm reckless
and I've got nothing at stake. 1t wasn't
my fault The truck man did that; we
never take the valiscs of He throws
them clear over our heads. I'm sorry it
happened, anu I'm sorry for you. It's
uphill business running Il newspaper, l
know You're the editor of the Nation
al Bag Pipe ainI you? Yes, | remem-
Der you now. l suppose you have
trouble sometimes, but you don't have to
bear what do.
what do you have to bear that is SO
terrible :" asked the editor, putting up
the cue and sitting down.
Everything. sir; and l never get any
sympathy or thanks. Why, sir, the 9TH
er day man came to me for his trunk,
and when he showed me his check
found that he had got his trunk checked
from some small town to Pitisburg, and
instead. of getting it rechccked there
he brought the Pit;sburg check clear
through. went at once and done four
dollars worth of free telegraphing for
him and in half an hour he came back
and swore he would sue the company if
his trunk wasn't here before shutdown.
/ would not mind it so much. but I'm
losing all confidence in humanity. It's
enough 10 make me think everybody was
born liars. It's an every day occurrence
for ST. Louis drummers TO turn up with
eleven hundred pounds of baggage and
swear that I'm the first man that ever
charged them for excess of weight. They
always take my name down. They are
all personal friends of the general man
ager. You would be surprised to know
how many personal friends the general
manager has. They always expect to
see him in IA day or two, and have been
expecting to be discharged in day or
two for the past four years. Yes, indeed
you can't believe anything man says
about baggage. 4 few days days ago |
fellow presented a check and when he !
found that his baggage hadn't come yet |
he declared that the company would have !
to pay him for two gold watches and a |
full set of solid silver,ware if it was |
lost. He went on at an awful rate, and |
when his baggage arrived, sir, it turned |
put to be a sack of second hand harness.
I've been reported three hundred times, |
but l guess I'm gone this time, sure"
Whats the matter nowy'
''Well, u fellow came to me yesterday |
morning with only one ticket. and want
ID me to check three trunks, sewing
machine and adog to Chicago, and while
he was trying To convince me that it is
back cast TO check dogs, got
excited, and checked an old woman's
runk to Annanias, and u sample case
o Saphira, instead of Kansas City, and
he train man wore out United States
ailway guide trying to find out where
he baggage was going to. He finally /
eft it somewhere-I can't find out
that Internal drummer
$ in Kansas City DOW charging his ex-
lenses, drinks and all, up to the com
,aAy, and they say the old lady win be
q the insane asylum before daylight
Gee. sir; you have no idea If you should
10 my work for twenty-four hours you'd
= willing To correct and publish free
poetry all the days of your life The
people seem to think there is no limit to
heir rights in a baggage car. Now, sir,
sometime when you run out of stuff
FOR your paper, wish you would just
Tell them that they are entitled TO one
hundred and fifty pounds of baggage for
each ticket, and that baggage means bag
gage, sir-a trunk, valise, box with han
dies or bundle. It don't mean whisky
in kegs, loaded shOtguns, dogs, live
poultry, barbed fence wire, or sheep in
crates. Yes, and don't forget to tell 'em,
sir, that don't make the rules of the |