The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-10-30
WAITS AND KHiKS.
NATURES glazier-Jack Frost.
ARE book-worms good for bait?


ARE book-worms good for bait?
A FINE sight-the sight of rifle.
NoBODY's child Joshua, the son of
Nun.
A PRESS Agent-the young man who
throws his arm around his girls waist.
A FAT man in summer is like one
cropping in darkness: he feels his weigh.
WE presume the axletrees of railroad
car wheels are called journals because of
their rapid circulation.
ONE secret man can keep-if he has
a balky horse he has either got to keep
the secret or the horse
POETRY, like pie, should be short and
not overdone.-Seymour Times Pie
crust, Mr.. Times.
ONE who thinks he knows all about
farming says the best way to raise straw
berries is with a spoon.
John! Johnp' shouted the farmer s
wife, the butter won't come. Run,
quick, and get me another sack Of
hair"
IT'S not at all surprising that Adam
| fell. He had Eve constantly about him
| talking about nude dress, and she had
one every day.
In a discussion with a temperance
| lecturer, topper asked: If water rots
your boots, what effect must it have upon
the coat of your stomach?
An exchange has an article on &C How
| to run a newspaper" This should be
read only by editors, as every other per-
son in the world knows Just how news
paper ought to be run.
Knowledge is the right bower and
one of the showiest cards in the pack,
yet in the game of life, cheek is the
little joker that is oftentimes the
winner.
money does everything for man., -
said one old gentleman, pompously.
eyes" replied the other one, "but
money won't do as much for man as
some men will do for money"
Mr.. THOMAS thinks it is one of the
most touching things in life to hear a
Western hog singing to its youngest,
"There's litter in the mire, baby mine,
baby mine"
THAT was an observing fellow, if he
was but six years old, who said, "Papa,
/ wish you'd quarantine against Tom
Jones comm here every night to see
Jennie. It's got to be too epidemic. )"
The Boston Post has invented a new
gun for the use of the didn' t-know-it-
was-loaded people. The Post explains
that "it lets the charge out at the
breech."
A FASHION writer tells us that " the
buttoning of dresses in the back is going
out of fashion," If your unmarried
aunt still affects that style, you may tell
her it is behind the age-if you dare
| to.
JAMES GORDON BENNETT, owner OF
the New York Herald, goes to India in
| November, to be absent year or more
We wonder who he'll get to write his
locals for him while he's gone.-Tuyne,
Falls Reporter.
SHE was sensitive. Of course she was
not small, but she should have kept hel
temper when she arose from her hus
bands trunk and he breathed a sigh ano
said, "there's a great weight off my
chest"
"NEvER leave what you undertake
until you can reach your arms around il
and clench your hands on the othel
side," says recently published book fol
young men. Very good advice; bu1
what if she screams?
| DID you ever notice the downward
plunge of young lAdys jaw when she
gives utterance to one of the lands .
that serve as convenient resting places
in her speech while awaiting the brains
catching up with the tongue?
The Norristown Herald tells good
story about ruralite who purchased al
alarm clock one day last week, and re
turned it the next afternoon. He sale
that it made such an Internal racket
in the morning that he couldn't sleep.
PROFESSOR (lecturing on psychology
-"All phenomena are sensations. Fol
instance, that leaf appears green to me
In other words, l have sensation O.
greenness within me-" Of course NJ
harm was meant, but still the clas
would laugh.