The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-04-18
VARIETIES

What is the nearest thing to n cat looking
out of the window? Why the window, of
course.
A young man who has tried it suggests
that before you pop the question it's just rs
well to question the pop.
81 am bound to have my right" as the
man said to the shoemaker who had sold him
a pair Of boots, both lefts.
q have a great love for old hymns" said
pretty girl to her masculine companion
81 am much fonder of young hers" was the
reply.
--Spriggins says he once prevented severe
| case of hydrophobia by getting on a high
| fence and waiting there till the dog had gone
| away.
A logical witness gave his age as eight
| and sixty years. "Why not siXty-eight 2"
Because l had my eight years before did
| the sixty"
An Ohio boy swallowed four or five of
| the wheels of an eight day clock, and he
has kept the whole family running" ever since
| the event.
| "A thrifty father took his boy to doc
tor. "Ifyou can cure him for less than tho
funeral expenses said he Ego ahead; but if
you can not, sonny will have to take his
| chances"
| my dear boy" said u kind hearted coun-
try school mistress to pupil whose quarter
was about up, "does your father design that
YOU should tread the intricate and thorny
path of the professions, the straight and mar
row way of the ministry, or revel amid the
| flowery fields of literature ?" mo, marm,"
said the juvenile, dad says he's going to set
me to work in the later patch"
| Too NEAR HIS FIGURE.-On one occasion
when General Butler was in command at
| New Orleans, a colonel up in the Red River
region made application for a furlough, which
was refused him. Soon after, the colonel left
| his command without permission, and went
| to New Orleans, where he was arrested and
put in irons as a desertcr. Upon an intima-
| ton that he wished to make an explanation
General B. had him brought to his head
quarters.
"Wel, Sir" said the general, sternly, "what
have you to say in explanation Of your con-
duct?"
| "Well general, there are two Jews up yon-
der who have some cotton they want to get
| through my lines First they offered me
$500, which / refused. Then they offered
| 81, 600 then $4,000, then $25, 900, and at last
| they offered 100000; and | tell you, general,
| Hey Cel8 getting so near my fgu1e, / H0ught
| Td better hdce i-EGlitOrs Dra're1, IN Ha,pe,'S
Mogaetne for May.
| DEPTH OF THE misunderstanding in
| the Atlantic Ocean have shown depth oi
| $4,000 feet, or about three miles and n half;
those taken in the Southern Atlantic, to the
west of the Cape of Good Hope showed a
depth of 10000 feet, or more than five miles
and then no bottom was found. AT point
| 800 miles from the Bermudas, 5700 fhthoms
of line were played out, nearly six and a hall
miles, and no bottom was found. Near the
same parallel bottom was found at less than
half the above depth. Midway between the
islands of Tristan dAcunha and the mouth OF
the Rio de Ia Plata, the bottom was reached
at depth of 7,7O6 fathoms equal to 46,930
feet, or 81 miles. The time occupied i'm rum
ming out the line was nearly three hours.
| A million little diamonds
| Twnkled on the trees,
| And all the little maidens said,
| "A jewel IL you please,
| but while they held their hands outstretehed
| To catch the diamonds gay,
| A million little sunbeams came
| And stole them all away.
Marquis Of LO'Ne,