The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-12-13
WAITS AND WHIMS.
HE best trade marks.


THE astronomers business is looking
up.
A DRY dock-a physician going to
get drink.
THE Chinaman is not the only All
Sin in the country Yonker's Gazette.
WHAT is your fortune, my pretty maid"
My fathers walker, sir" she said.
W A. Fuller.
The only homework some girls do is
when they begin to dust around for a
beau.
THE fashionable society wedding is
described as being sitter than print
ing Office towel.
If man who has been divorced asks
his former partner to marry again, that
is a motion for new trial
WHEN a man has lot of shop-worn
goods in his store which he has tried to
sell until be is all out of patience, ne
marks them "Job lott"
WoMANKIND is like cider-sweet
when first squeezed, but growing more
vinegar-like after lying around for a
few years.-Ne,o Hauen Register.
JONES can't see why it is telegraphed
all the way from England when horse
takes a dose OF salts. Jones has been
reading of sc me racer taking the EPSON
cup, probably.
al ALLUs takes things as they come"
remarked the tramp, as he lifted the
apple pie that had been left out of
doors to cool, and industriously amblad
out of sight.
SHE was my idvIwhile | wooed:
My idol when won;
My ideal when in after years
Ways idle had she none.
POLITICAL principles change, king
doms are overthrow and religions
alter; but four aces hole an undis-
turbed pre-eminence in their own pecu-
liar line.-Puck.
A GREAT deal of the creme dc la creme
of society when placed in the churn of
of public opinion and shaken up little
comes out a very poor article of axle
grease.
"SEE here, Jones, why don't you
fence in your premisesT ooh, there's
no need of it, so long as my wife's al
ways a-railing around the house, is
thereP
in price except liberty, which remains
at eternal vigilance with liberal reduc-
tions to the trade -PecEs Milaodukee
San.
If The young man who ,arts his hair
in the center aud carries pen over his
ear were to pass away, the vacancy
could not be filled by anything in this
world, unless it was a sick cat.
CETYwAYo =" Now Massa Bull, what
you goin' to do about it now you got
mel" j. Bull" Bowed if | know,
your majesty. Now you've got nue.
Toronto Grip.
THE fellow who said that locomo-
tive would live longer if it did not
smoke so much is dying alone in met
ropolitan garrett. One of his jokes has
stuck fast in his throat.
WHENEVER / see real hansum
woman engaged in the woman's rights
Dizziness, am going to take of mi hat
and jine the processhun." --Josh Bill
tngs
THE butterfly, the butterfly,
How doth the butterfly? and why?
Because the hired girl doth make
The round, fat toothsome buckwheat cake:
y,
Narration Independent.
The new governess-" Now, sup
pose you know that there are three
times as much water as land upon the
surface of the earth T Tommy"
should think so, indeed Look at the
puddles !"-Punch.
If Jacobs ladder was now to be
placed against the entrance of Heaven
you couldn't induce anybody to ascend
it. An opposition elevator would get
all the passenger traffic. Philadelphia
Day.
The autograph of Napoleon l sold
the other day for Sc II, while lots of
Detroit men can scribble down their
autographs and draw 100000 on them.
And yet Nap. has been called great
Detroit Free Press.
WE do not like to find fault with
Father Noah; we believe he did the
very best he could under the circum-
stances; but his posterity would have
been just as we'll satisfied had he pushed
of and left a pair of rats on the wharf.
--MiddletoaDn Transcript
THERE never was such prospect for
d ItfTlDly udIu WlHtcJ. 1nC SOooC uOuC
is black clear through; the corn husks
are thick enough for shingles; New
Zealand is asking for more missionaries,
and boarding houses are cutting their
pies in nine pieces.
A GRANDSON of Dom Pedro is to
marry a daughter of DIR. Aver, the pill
man (see advertisement of Ayers pills..
The young woman is worth $5,000,000
part of which is paid to us quarterly for
the aforesaid advertisement. = PecRs
San.
A DISTRESSING accident is thus chron-
icled by Wisconsin journal: "a sad
accident happened to the family of John
Elderkin, on Main street, yesterday.
One of his children was run over by a
market wagon three years old with sore
eyes and pantalets on that never spoke
afterwards. Ell Perkins.
On, take me back to memory's isles
In silk-sailed canoe,
Oh let some widows pleasant smiles
just thrill me through and through
Oh, have me not serenely fit,
And work instead OF play,
Oh, fix me 50 that can sit
Eating peanuts all the day.