Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-09-04
FUNNYaRAPHS.

A COLD spell-I.c.e.
! WHITE-WAsHERs-G laundresses,
! RICH miner-I did not know it was
loded.-Neso York Herald.
MUzzL1Na neckties are much worn in
the dog days.-Neso Orleans Picayune.
No tenor singer should live in a glass
house. He throws t0nes.-Atzanta Con-
stitutiOn.
WHITE sand can be obtained at the
seashore, but if you want your Sand
dusky you must 60 to Ohio.
D0N'T be ambitious to drive a four.in-
hand. Life, you know, is but span.-
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"HAvE you a mother-in-law7" asked
a man of disconsolate looking person.
"No," he replied, but I've a father in
jail"
LITTLE things are often important.
what would q forty-cent cigar amount
to if you had no match?-New York
Star.
BRASS is an alloy of copper, though
many man shows a plentiful supply of
brass with never a copper in his Rocket.
Boston Transcript.
A TRAMP applied to a physician for
work. The NJ. D. asked, "I can't give
you any work; what can YOU do%
"Dig graves" was the grim reply.
LEMONS alone paid $3.50, 900 duty into
the United States treasury last year.
That the kind of lemon aid the govern
ment finances get.
The man who got into barber.chair.
pinned the newspaper round his neck
and began to read tho towel may Justly
be called absent-minded.
SUNDAY school teacher: "You must
recollect that all am telling you hap
pened one thousand eight hundred and
seventy-nine years ago." Pupil:
" Lor', miss, how the time do slip away!"
IT is said that nothing succeeds like
success. Just put a boy in conjunction
with ripe watermelon, and if he don't
suck seed more than success we miss our
guess.-Marathon Independent.
AN editor being asked Do hogs payT"
says a great many does not. They take
the paper several years and then have
the postmaster send it back marked
I" refused" ."-Boston Post.
The bee is an arrant coward. He
always turns his back to the foe.--Bostop
Transcript. A mule does the same thing,
but a man daren't stand at his back and
tell him he'sa coward.-Ol City Derrick.
UPRIGHT Legislator" What, sirl
You take me for one who can be bribed7
You insult my sense of honor. But in
case l really was such q man, how much
would yo'' 0ivn9U
TIE New York Eapress complains of
out this %sS Of fks5 fktst years sS ice crop but
enough to fill lemonade glass four
ifths of the way up in about three Sec
onds.
"WHAT does 12mo mean?" asked a
pupil of her teacher, a few days since.
' limo? Why, don't you know what
that means? It means the same as d.
Haven't you seen it in adver-
tisements in a newspaper?"-O Os,cego
Times.
A GENTLEMAN learned in the origin
Of social customs was asked the meaning
Of casting an old shoe after a newly
couple, as they start on their
trip. He said: "To indicate that the
chances of matrimony are very slip.
perry"
A s1MPLE-MINDED country woman ap-
piled at one of the stations on Scotch
line for ticket for Glasgow. Said the
spruce clerk, "Return or singlew
"Na, na," replied the worthy woman,
name O. yer singles here. I'm mar
ried woman"
REFLECTIONS of practical man: We
are going to have q bad year. l must
undergo some hardships and make some
sacrifices. First: I will lower my SER
wants wages. Second: I will give no
more tips to the walters at my club.
Third: will get invited out to dinner
as often as possible. ."-Paris Figaro.
A CHICAGO man who is travelling in
France stood the hotel bills 80 long as
the only items when he rang for tum
bier of ice water were as follows:
Il