The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-06-13

ha1 sweetheart who called her daw-daw-
Now he calls her his wife,
Al He's called joy OF her life
anu youngster the two are ca-haulin'.
as the bowling of dog always fol-
lowed by death ~ asked little girl of
her father. Not always, my dear:
sometimes the man that shoots at the
dog misses him." was the reply.
A German tailor made pair ofpanta-
looms for customer whose financial IN
tegrlty he doubted, when called ON for
the garment, said: der pants ish not
done, but der beel ish made out"
Speak of mans marble brow, and he
Will glow with conscious pride; but al
Jude to his marble head, and he's mad in
minute. Language is a slippery thing
to fool with much.-Boston Post.
At st. Anne's Sabbath school in Low
ell, in answer to the question, (Which Is
the greatest chuach festival ~ little or
phan of six years promptly responded,
The strawberry festival. Lowell Cour-
Ter.
Junior clerk-"Would you kindly
permit me to absent myself tomorrow
to attend my fathers funeralg' Head of
tlrm deep in figures)-"You may go,
Howkins, but, pray, do let it happen
againr'
some one has estimated that every man
who lives TO be sixty years old has spent
seven months buttoning his shirt collar
Thirty years more ought to be added for
for hunting up his collar button
Bridgeport Standard.
A gorgeous English swell, leading a
dog, inquired at railway station, Must
l, aw, take ticket for a puppyg' The
bewildered clerk regarded him for a mo-
ment and then replied: mo, sir, you
can go as an ordinary person"
A Texas paper signs for white farm
ers, mechanics, and men with capital
All such," it says, "are received with
open arms in Texas" Yes, but those
open arms are too frequently firearms.
NO, thank you; prior engagements pre-
vent.-Boston Transcript.
An exchange gives directions for a
good way to build chimney" but ev-
erybody knows that the best way to
build 1t is on house. A chimney built
In the lower part of the garden, 100 feet
from the house, would prove a ridicu-
lous failure.-NOrristown Herald.
A schoolm:stress, while taking down
the names and ages of her pupils and the
the term, asked one little fellow, "What's
your fathers name?" "Oh, you needn't
take down his name; he's too old to go
school to woman" was the reply.
Byron, my son. said literary faith
er to his athletic son, byron never play
ed base ball" mo, said the bow. mil
ing on his orange.colored shirt. Hand
George Washington never wrote poetry"
Here the morning hour expired and the
bill went over.-Burlingto Hawkeye.
Mr.. Isaac v. Green, of Michigan, ran
away with his wife's aunt recently. In
other words:
He ran away with his spous's aunt
And never again was seen,
Thus proving anew what rare old plant
Is the Michigan /. V. Green.
"Do you really believe that an ass ever
spoke to Baalam ?'' queried a man who
prided himself on his intellect. Coler-
idge, to whom the question was put, re-
Elected very calmly for few moments
and then responded: my friend, 1 have
no doubt whatever the story is true. /
have been spoken to in the same way,
myself.
Wash baby clean, and dress him pref
ty, and he will resist all advances with
most superlative crossness; but let him
eat molasses ginger bread and fool around
the coal bod for half an hour, and he will
nestle his dear little dirty face close up
TO your clean shirt bosom, and be Just
the loveliest, cunningest little rascal in
the world.
A popular concert singer advertised
to participate in an entertainment in a
Missouri village, excused her absence
on the ground of having a severe cold in
the head, and the next day received the
following from an admirer: "ThiZ is
gouse greze: melt and rub on the bridge
of your noze until cured. / love you to
distraxhun."
ashes darling, she's a daisy" So
sang the young man in quiet, musing
sort of way, beneath his breath. He
just strolling down toward her house,
and his heart was OVERLOOKING; but as he
turned the corner he saw Smythe hand
her into a carriage and drive of to enjoy
the moonlight. A sudden hush came
oyer his song, his heart fealt as ifa gone
ness had crept over it, and he rapidly
walked hOmeward, cogitating in his
mind over the dread uncertainties of
life.-New Haven Register.
A worthy young gentleman, son of a
well-to-do merchant of Corning, who has
fine residence just beyond the limits
Vi OuI tOWHJ was JOlHcu III HOulOck 10
the lady of his choice a few DAYS ago.
Next day an inquisitive friend met the
father on the street and inquired, as
your son and his bride going to take a
bridal tour"' "WeIl, guess not WAS
out in the barn this morning about 6
O'Clock, with his overalls on, feeding the
horses, and she was In the kitchen with
her sleeves rolled up. Amt heard 'em
say anything about bridal tour. Com
ng Courant.
An idea has found expression in a con-
vention of the Troy clergymen, which
will doubtless be pronounced good one
by everyone who has attended the funer-
ais. 1t comes in a resolution to limit
burial services, as far as possible, to scrip
ture reading, singing and praying. One
Of the reasons for emitting sermons on
such occasions is thus stated ministers
are often embarrassed and brought to a
degree of discredit by appropriateness
of remarks, by ignorance of peculiar fea-
lures of the life or family Of the deceased
person, by saying toe little or too much
in the view Of the biased and prejudieed
minds and fear Of giving Ofense.''