Daily Republican., 1879-10-23

and wishing to show DR.. John Bull how
well lie could talk English, he took a
dictionary, and found that 'toux' was
cough in the latter tongue.
"C o-u-g-h' spelled the Frenchman;
'how they say that, ELI ! Oh, have
him! "P-l-o-u-g-h" is plow, and
cough is COW; ah, have a COW !"
1.-THE doctor entered and began to
feel his pulse, and found that all was
right.
"I ayes no trouble dere,' said the
4 aves got de cow
"Well, l am not COW DOCTOR said
the surgeon, Indignantly; why do you
send to me to visit your COW
"Rut you shall not understand me,
said the disconnected Frenchman: here
is my cow-here = and he thumped
his breast in desperation that he could
not be comprehended.
"The doctor shook his head, as
though he thought him demented.
"rhe Frenchman again had recourse
to his dictionary, thinking that If he
could get the precise locality of his
'cow, the do,tor could not fail to un-
derstand him. Accordingly he looked
for the Chest and found the definition
to be box ; then, shouting as loud
as Frenchman always does when ex-
cited he exclaimed
"Now you understands, eh l got a
COW in my box"
"The doctor burst into a roar of
and the poor Frenchman al
most died of chagrin."
"When the Frenchman told the story,
the audience were perfectly convulsed,
and they roared again, when he add
ed -
"If you can do anything for my COW,
it will he a great thing !"
In A FLoURlsuING young city OF Michi-
gan lives worthy man who has had
the misfortune to be widower three
times, and is now living with his fourth
wife, who has two boys by former mar
riage. These have been taught to call
the stepfather "pa." While entertain
ing company at tea a few evenings
since, an aggravated case Of divorce be
came the topic of conversation. A lady
expressed herself against divorces,
quoting several passages of Scripture,
and concluding with this "And st.
Paul says he that putteth away his
wife commits grievous sin.'
At this, the eldest boy, having duly
filed his stomach, suddenly took in
he whole subject by saying "Wby
pa has put away three or four of 'em,
md he's a deacon too !"-"Harper's
Drawer"
TIE OTHER DAY a genuine tramp with
/ stomach yearning for a picked-up
neal undertook to enter yard on
Vinder street. A large, fierce dog
tood at the gate to give him hostile
Welcome, and after vainly trying to
,ropitiate the animal the tramp called
o lad of ten who was making kite
N the veranda:
"Hey, sonny"
ayes Pm hay" was the reply.
"Say, bub, call off yer dog"
"No use-no use," replied the lad.
Even if you got in here mas waiting
It the kitchen door with kettle of hot
gater, Sarah's working the telephone
o git the police, and Pm here to holler
murder and wake up the whole
treet. ."-"Detroit Free Press"
"SEE HERE JIMMY" said lis better
ngel to q boon companion, as they
TODD at a saloon counter; "you've
cen hoisting it in just as if you we're
million bushel elevator. Taper off,
ow, take something mild; try some
Dda water, for instance" "So'a
?" said the boon companion,
so'a water-(hic). No, sir; it's too
dangerous. You don't
atch me taking into my stomach an
Explosive so powerful that they have
, bottle it in copper cylinders a foot
nick, and it sometimes busts corner
rug shop up and kills every body on
10 block. Not much. Give me some
ourbOn.'
THE OTHER NIGHT at a London club
,me Americans were boasting about
leir inventions and the wonderful ma
lines to be found in the States. One
them told of the well-knOwn mine
lg machine, wherein live hog being
ltroduced at one end turns out the
nimal in sausages at the other. An ?
.ishman, who was not going to have
le Yankees ride ough.shod over ev-
" other nation, turned on them and
lid, "Bedad, we've got the same ma i
line in Ireland, only ours is more
yrfect, sure, for if you don't like the I
.usages you can put them back into
le machine, and by reversing the &C.
on they'll come out live pig agin
here he went in"
A TAR-HEEL in Catawba county, North :
arolina, wanted to name his baby a
ible name, but couldn't find one to
lit. He says: "The hymn book is
ext to the Bibel, SO tuck the hymn q
,ok, and thar seed name liked
,werful much. Hit was 'Amazin
race but you see we had a gal nam
Grace. So | louded name this'L
mazin Ann. That is her lame Bruth-
Blk" and forthwith the parson
-oceeded to christen the baby "Ama. i
Il Ann" y
THE Hon. SAM WooD, who is an edi- p
r, was egged with making a speech 9
70 other night. The people wanted 7
present him with a brick house, but
e kind offer was declined when Sam
-, al %bo tho odifca waa IN bo mo |