Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-08-09

when you declare in effect that a man
is unfit to be a citizen because he
doesn't distil whlskey or consume
champagne, you slap every temper
ance man in the face? If you go
round Maine preaching such doctrine,
the first thing you know somethingll
drop here in September, and then
good-by john"
"Weil, if you really think they
would see through it perhaps L had
better not say anything about it,
though [ am convinced that that
speech would knock 'em. Since you,
however, know all about Maine, what
would you propose Z"
"My opinion" said Mr.. Blaine, sis
that we ought 10 go back to 1861 or
thereabouts. The republican party
never was stronger or more agrees
sive than during the a We must
revive the old war spirit, whOOp up
the kQ-klux, send the bloody shirt to
be dyed over In fast oOlOrg and save
the Union over again. Unless we can
do that we're gone up on high, with
anything but q triumphant noise, as
| the hymn says. It begins to look as
if Bayard would be nominated next
| year,, duu rs LC COillCS "a u
which is in the solid south, it would
be a good idea to kill him OFT now"
"Oh, l say, Blaine, you amt serious
in that, are you 2" said the secretary
of the treasury; 'you, who know SO
much about statistics and averages,
ought to be the last nan to enter
upon an investigation of that sub
ject. Do you know that while New
England sent 377,13l soldiers to the
war to fight against rebellion, the
solid south sent almost as many
341 ,3a7? But to be exact, here is
Maine. With a population of 62S,-
279, her contribution of Union vol
uDteers was z ,114. or 11.3 per cent.
That was a pretty good average, be-
cause New Hampshire's was LIP and
| Vermont's ia. Now Delaware, with
a treason-imbued population of 112,-
PIG, sent 1850 volunteers, or 1873 per
cent. The copperheadism of Della
ware was more patriotic, when it
came to shedding blood for the old
flag, than the radicalism of Maine, in
the ratio of Is to IA. Blaine, l guess
that cock won't fight"
"That dam secretary of war;"
growled Mr.. Blaine. "has been put
ting so many confederate brigadiers
into his department to codify the war
records that it's as likely as not
they've cooked the figures. Anyhow,
the showing isn't so bad IN my case
as in yours, because Pm only out l in
Is, whereas your figures are out two
hundred and forty III seventy. Nice
secretary of the treasury, you are
there isn't an eighty-year-old boy in
the common schools of Maine that
couldn't expose your fallacies."
felt the sofa above me tremble as
if Secretary Sherman were %quivering
with suppressed emotion, but he
made no angry reply; he only said
had gone to the front when you were
drafted-or your substitute had
that would have made the figures
even, since you say you are only one
| out"
An awful silence followed, broken
only by the hard breathing of the
two statesmen as they rose from the
sofa and advanced into the middle
of the apartment.
"Mr. Secretary. said Mr.. Blaine,
as he moved a couple of chairs back
into corners, 81 would not take that
from any man, not ever If he was as
big as a grain elevator" :
"The senator from Maine," said
Mr.. Sherman, as if to himself, while
he pushed the table up against the
wall-''the senator from Maine, l be-
lIeve, pays taxes on a large estate,
though when the war broke out he
was the editor of a one-hOrse county
newspaper aud his income since then
has never exceeded So, 900 a year,"
"John Sherman" Kissed Mr.. Blaine
in a voice of deadly emphasis, speo-
pie who live in First National "a"
Standing proudly erect the secreta-
~ of the treasury whistled, with the
ciearness and resonance of a silvery-
Ginning bell, the first three bars of
the "Mulligan Guards"
They climched and rolled over and
over upon the carpet with the fury of
tigers. At that instant the door was
burst open and Congressman Reed
dashed in.
"Gentlemen, for heavens SAKE" he
shou ted, "cease this fratricidal strife.
Don't arouse the hotel! Here, Jim,
get Off OF him ; Secretary Sherman,
let go of Senator Blaine's ear"
"You cheerful idiot" hoarsely
painted Mr.. Blaine, ''you keep away,
or there'W be a Greenbacker chosen
in the Portland district next year. l
can lick any Ohio man that whistles
the 'Mulligan Guards at me. He
can't get in any Of his political asses,-
ment work here, you bet"
"Let us Alone" growled Mr.. Sher-
man, cor when you're elected to stay
at home you'll not be made collector.
Whoopee! I'll make this white
plumed knight think a whole Mem
phis and Little Rock railroad train is
running over him."
The painting combatants clenched
again, but Mr.. Reed threw himself
upon them, exclaiming, "Stop ! stop!
There's a World,correspondent in the
next room. He'll hear it ALL"
The antagonists staggered to their
feet, gasping for breath and glaring
at each other.
"Now, gentlemen" said Mr.. Reel,
81 know nothing OF the merits OF this
quarrel, but SO help me heaven, there
has got to be harmony in the party.
If you two want to fight, wait till
after the election-you'll have lots of
leisure then. Shake hands, or Tll
pound on the wall and call the World
correspondent Ill. That's right ; now,
Secretary Sherman, Phi send out for
a man thatll paint your eye 80 that
no one will ever guess that anything
is wrong with it meanwhile [ will
ring for an oyster which you had
better hold against it. As for you,
Mr.. Blaine, I'll lend you a pair Of my
pauts-I don't think you can ever
get those mended and give you
some court-plaster to put Oh your
ear"
''I'm sorry 1 hit you, john" said
MIR. Blaine, "but you shouldn't have
aggravated me. Come up to Augusta
and see me trim my asparagus. You
are OH the rural racket, 1 believe"
81 beg your pardon, Jim. for az
gravating you, said the secretary,
"and when l visit your Sabine farm
III give yon some new points about
repairing fen ces."
The gentlemanly clerk at the
Preble has I'VE in his experience
had All order for one oyster without
any tixings, aud can't account for the
hasty and secret visit Of u Journey
man painter to the parlor occupied
by Messrs. Sherman and Blaine. ex-
cept upon the hypothesis that some
confidential negotiations are going
OIL with the greenbackers. The fol-