Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1879-07-03
MARK TWAIN AND the PRESIDENCY
He Onsrs Himself ~ = Cssdidass
end Points % HIS "Reoerd!"

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Marx Twain has published the follow.
ing open letter TO his co%untrymsn Of
either or any party:
1T have pretty much made up my
mind to run for President. What the
country wants 10 Q candidate who cannot
be injured by investigation Of bis past
history, 30 that the enemies Of the party
will be unable 10 rake up anything
against him that nobody ever heard Of
before. II you know the worst about .
candidate to begin with, every attempt
to spring things on him will Be check.
mated. Now I Am going to enter the
asld With an open record. I am going
10 own MP In advance 10 al the wicked
ness I have done, and II any congres-
dopal committee 10 disposed 70 prowl
around my biography In the hope Of dis.
covering any dark and deadly deed that
I have sscretsd. why lot II prowi.
In the Hrst place. I admit that I treed
q rheumatic grandfather OF mine In the
Winter Of 1850. BE was old and mex.
pert In climbing trees, but with the
heartless brutality that II characteristic
Of me I ran him ont Of the front door In
his night shirt at the point Of . shotgun
and caused him to bowl up . maple tree.
where he remained al night, while /
emptied shot into his legs. I did this
because hs snorsd. I will do II again II
ever I hsvs another grandfather. am
q Q inhuman now - ! was In 1850.
oandidly acknowledge that I ran
away ut the battle Of Gettysburg. Ny
friends have tried to smooth ove this
fact BY asserting that ] did % for the
purpose Of Initiating Washlngton. who
went into the woods ct Valley Forge for
the purpose Of saying his prayers. II
was q miserable ~subtsffues. struck out
In q straight line for the Tropic OF Can.
Ger because I was scared. ! wanted my
country saved, but I preferred to have
somebody else save Il. I entertain that
preference yet. II the bubble reputa.
ton can bs obtained only ct the cannon's
mouth, I am willing 10 60 there for II,
provided the cannon II empty. II It 10
loaded my immortal and inasxibls pur.
pose II to get over the fenos and 60
home. Ny invariabls practice In war
has been 10 bring out Of every Aght
two.thirds more men than when ! went
In. This seems 10 me TO DO Napolsonic
In its grandeur.
Ny financial views are Of the most
decided character. but they are not
likely, perhaps, to increase my popu.
larity with the advocates Of imitation. !
do not insist upon the special supremacy
Of rag money or hard money. The
great fundamental principle OF my LIE
10 to take any kind I can get.
The rumor that I buried . dead aunt
under my grapevine VA correct. The
vine needed fertilizing, my aunt had 10
be buried, and I dedicated her to this
high purpose. Does that unft me for
the Presidency The Constitution Of
our country does not say %. No other
citizen was over considered unworthy Of
this ONCE because he enriched his grape
vines with his dead relatives. Why
should I be selected - the first victim
Of an absurd prejudice
admit also that ! am not . friend OF
the poor man. regard the poor man.
In his present condition, - % much
wasted raw material. Out up and prop.
erly canned, hs might b made useful to
fatteu the natives Of the oannibal ISL
ands and to improve our export trade
with that region. ] shall recommend
legislation upon the subject In my nrst
message. Ny campaign cry will 30 :
"Dsssicate the poor workingman /; stun
him into ssussgss."
These are about the worst parts Of
my record. On them ! como before the
country. II my country don't want me.
! will 60 back again. But Irsoommsnd
myself a. . safe mana man who starts
from the basis Of total depravity and
proposes to bs hsndish TO the last.