San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1879-03-08
JD'IT AND WISDOM.


God. -ls
POSITIVE, wait: comparative, waiters
superlative, get it yourself.
NONE but the braves deserve the hair,
is how the aborigine puts it.
PRovERB People who live in glass
houses should pull down the blinds.
The sausage is the only species Of
grounding that does not hibernate in
the winter.
THERE are three good aids to the devil
in this life--poverty, politics and tho
toothache. ~ ,a ~
A shoemaker's wife out West calls her
husband Sequel, because he is always
ut the last" ,ria7 Htv
RESUMPTION makes man run all over
town to find despised t0-cent note to
send in letter.
Books are mans best friends. They
never go h,ck on him when he lends them
to a neighbOr. .t
EPrrApm on punster who hung him.
self: He is gone. He has perpetratcd
his last choke" ,..ts .t,
Ir is easy to bamboozle the hotel
keepers in Japan, where the houses are
made of bamboo. ot.,ia..t
THE man who is waiting for something
to turn mp generally finds it when no
,tn ha,,,n1 l.D,~
A lady in Binghampton says that j!
Bob Ingcrsoll had the right sort of wife
he wouldn't be in doubt about hell.
AT Exeter, N. H., last Tuesday, Am
brose Gard was divorced from Mary A.
Card. No more cards.
The married man who goes away from
home to visit the club-room sometimes
has the club broom visit him on his re-
turn. t.Nf g.A fNb
SOMEBODY writes to rural paper to
know how long COWS should be milk
ed" Why the same rs short ones, OF
course!
A BRATTLEBoRoUGH paper records the
marriage of John Sard and Mary Dean.
And now they are Sard-Deans, only two
in box. H.. .msgu.e3
A PHILADELPHIA firm has just con
tracted to construct railway and canal
in Mexico, which will open Matamorps
to trade.
A NEWARK printer who recently mar
,Io1 a ,un,non MAINLY f1yioo hio ovpr1u.
pois explained that he could never re-
sist "fnt take"
A contemporary tells show to utilize
old fruit cans" Give boy q string and
II strange dog and he needs no further
directions. f.
eyes, Tn good dancer said tho
barber,as he sheared off the blonde locks
of u customer. "See me clip the light,
fantastic tow
"RocK of ages left for me-" sang f.
young married man who was set to rock
ing the baby the other night while his
wife prepared tea.
A STUDENT inquiring for Prometheus
Unbound at certain bookstore recent
ly, was informed that they only kept
the bound copies.
In confidential conversation with q.
reporter, the other day, the Gar said:
81 am going to fight it out on this line
if it Turks all summer"
A correspondent wishes to know II
we are the author of the american En-
cyclopndia." Well, Mono; not exactly
the author oft. We killed the canyasser,
however, if that is what you mean
[Hawkeye.
Go ask that rare and radient maid
Whose jaws just fairly hum,
What thus she madly masticates,
And her rosy lips are dumb;
She cannot choose q husband yet,
Therefore she chews her gum,
IT is easier for needle to pass thro'
the eye of a camel than it is for young
women ina fur-lincd silk cloak to walk
along without letting it flap open just q
little, to show that the fir is more than
mere border. Tl.0...
A CLoruIER has excited public curios-
itv by having large apple painted on
his sign Upon being asked for an ex-
planation, he replied: "If it hadn't been
for an apple, where would the ready
made clothing stores be?"
SoaiE men are endowed with the cling
ing nature of cobwebs, and like them are
continually hanging around the house
until cleared ont by the end OF a well
balanced broom with an industrious ie-
Iu;ile ut the other end.
IRIS strange that you should have
grown 81 fckle Of late, my DEAR said
Mrs. Mic ca her husband, "for in earlier
years yon were as stand rs could be-you
never came to see me but you stayedtill
twelve or one o'clock