The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-04-04
WIT AND HUMOR.
A BITING wind-A gnaw easter.
The Chinese bill-$1 per dozen.

"A LITTLE 1reSn nelr-A new DaDy.
To MAKE mango-Read him your
last poem.
WESTWARD the star of cheese making
takes its whey.
To MAKE the true Maltese cross, stroke
his fur the wrong way.
LOST at sea-The boy who doesn't
know his alphabet past b.
INDIANS are not at all contagious.
They are very hard to catch.
MISCHIEF, tnou art footl" ex-
claimed the man of many corns.
You may rest assured" as the life
insurance fend remarked to his victim
THE man who was tossed over the
back of an irate bull was reported as not
dead, but only gone beef DER.
The valet of an English Baronet re-
Gently forged check for E500 on his
master. A Valley Forge affair.
INSPECTOR to grammar class: what
is syntax?" Answer by the child of
hard drinker: 1T is the Government
duty on spirits"
WHEN the news reached philadelphia
that Shere Ali was dying, two lawyers
Immediately started for Aighanistan to
induce the relatives to contest the will
WILLIAM AUGUSTUS to sleepy room
mate: Come, John Henry, why don't
you get up with the lark, as I do?"
John Henry, grimly: Been up with
him all night"
"WHAT is the name of your cat, sir?"
inquired q visitor. "His name was
William" said the host, until he had
fits, and since then we have called him
Fitz-William!"
"MY DEAR" said Mrs. Snodgrass, shud-
dering, chow do these awful men sue
coed in entering dead peoples vaults?"
with skeleton keys, 1 presume" I'M
feelingly replied Mr.. S.
A GRANDDAUGHTER of Patrick Henry,
living in Paris, KY, has edited cook
book. We wonder what course she re-
commends when the cooks cry, "Peas,
peas, but there are no peas
"WHAT is the usual definition of con-
science?" asked man of his pastor.
"a mans rule for his neighbor's con-
duct is about the way it comes out
practically" was the reply.
A MAN who went to Texas and fell in
to the hands of Judge Lynch's officers,
as the rope was placed about his neck,
quietly remark ed: Il always heard you
had to go from home fer the moose"
WHEN we humans are asked for dol
lar to help bury poor fellow we shell
out immediately; but there are those
among us who would not give the
dollar to the poor fellow before he died.
BARBARIsM.
Full many a gem of rarest razor cen
The dark unfathomed caves tonsorial bear;
Full many an artists born to brush unseen
And dull his scissors on the desert hair.
-Burdette.
GIVE are going out with the tied,"
said young man to friend, as he filed
down the church aisle after a wedding.
I'm that case," said a lady in front,
you can afford to get of my train"
And he did.
HAVE your baggage checked?" cried
the man with the brasses. Said Mr..
Carefulman, quietly, eff it is just the
same to you, sir, wouldn't you put
check on the gentleman who handles
the baggage?"
WHAT is the difference between the
best new railroad track and the worst
old yarn? One is steel rail and the
other is reel stale. Don't fail to note
the exquisite double entendre on the
word "reel' as related to "yarn.'O
ABORIGINAL.
Come here, you little myth A." said John.
Then quick she seized the poker
And shrieked, as val'rously she strobe
Toward the heartless Joker:
why must you of our littleness
Continually taunt usf
Am Johns myth?r "Nol no ~ said he,
You're only Poker-hauntus."
-Tonters Gazette.
AN ExLosIoN.
A tar of the aquatic club
By moonlight took his girl a-rowing,
And as they sailed the sly young cub
Abruptly smacked her lips so glowing
The maiden blushed at the report,
And, as her cheeks burned with emotion.
She said: That strikes a sort
OF nightrow bliss-sorene explosion"
-NeD York Star.
"SEE the moon," said a lady to her
nephew, bright little boy of 5, as they
sat looking out the window the other
day. "The moon!" said the little man.
You can't see the moon in the day
time" Eyes, you can," continued his
aunt; "there it is over the trees" The
little fellow had to admit that he saw it,
but added, faint lighted, anyway
Boston Transcript.
ODE TO SPRING.
Winter am gone an March am here.
An soon will de rain drops falls
Fore long will de grass look green again,
An de voice of de robin call.
De ice will soften, de snow will melt,
An de sun shine clar an strong;
An de darkey will scratch his frozen heel
An dance to de glad spring song.
De folkses big an de folkses small
Will open dere moufs an sing:
"Oh' winter, way wild yer frost bites
Come inter de cabin, oh, spring."
Free Press Lime Kun club.
AND still the missionary cause WAKES
stronger. New Bedford has clever
young lady worth $1,000,000, and "of a
rather pious turn of mind" who made
up her mind that she would be mis-
sionary. Could anything be more beau
tiful? The church accepted her SER
vices, and, when asked what field of
labor she had in view, she pensively
looked down at her lavender gloves and
replied 81 think / will go to Paris"