South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-08-22


He had difficult charge to care for once
and when he made his report to the Con
ference following, he reported the church
looking up" The Bishop presiding
expressed his pleasure, but asked for an
explanation, because no one expected
success in that parish. Mr.. Rice was
equal to the occasion, and added, "WeIl.
bishop, the church is on its back and
can't look any other way"
Scene IN railway car: Fond wife
Let me see your paper, moment.
dear 7" Husband-'Yes, as soon as We
get to the tunnel"
Ma" said little four year old, az
saw something run across the kitchen
hoor, this morning without any legs
What do YOU think it was e. The moth.
er guessed various legless worms ar d
things, and then gave it up. when tho
little fellow said: "Why, ma, it was
water"
One day Bill had company to dine with
him; and his wife, wishing William to
appear well, quietly admonished him to
be careful what he said All went well
till Bill got his potatoes well mashed
when he said "Dolly, parse the greascr'
"Why, William" said his wife. 'vou
should call it gravy" well" saws Bill.
Il guess if get it on your tablccloth it
would be grease" The guests shouted.
In oldcn times a dispute once arose in
side school i'll Haddington as to the
proper way of pronouncing the word dew
ii, part Of the scholars arguing for the
old mode deevil, the more advanced spir
It's contending that, of the two, devil was
the more correct. The master, n veneer
able person, not over-learnod, on the
matter being referred to him, decided in
these words-"Ca' him deevil, it's rude
enough for him.
ECONOMY ~ PRAYER-Some children
take naturally TO practical view of
things. a little girl in Brookline. Mass,
saying her prayers the other evening.
closed with-"Blcss papa and mamma,
little sister and everybody, and keep us
from harm this night, amen" The lit
tie sister, bright-eyed girl of five wears,
quietly remarked Of you'd said every
body to begin with, you needn't have
such a long prayer"
a good coiored man once said, in
cIass-mceting: Brethren, when [ was a
boy, took hatnhct aud went into dc
woods. Whom ronnl a tree dat was
straight, big and solid, I didn't touch dat
tree but when I found one leaning
little and hollow inside, | soon had him
down. So when tho debbiI goes after
Christians, he don't touch dem dat stand
straight and true; but dem dat lean
little and are hollow inside"
A little scene in horse-car very fun
ny. A roughly-dressed man, a newly-
made husband aud his bride, are the oc-.
cupants. Car goes off the track, and
rough man says damn, Up jumps hub
by saying, Glow dare YOU say damn
before my wife 2" GLOW did | know
your wife wanted to say damn first ?"
was the reply.-Tableau.
POSTAL PoETRY.-Frcquently in the
postofIices Of the country letters are seen
whereon the supcrscription is transcrib
ed in poetry, when the writer's reason
has borrowed fancy's painted wings"
and usually these examples of machine
rhymes are interesting and apt. While |
loafing around the postofficc Yesterday
the writer was handed two or three po-
etical directions, which, one long in the
service, remembered to have seen pass-
ing through the mails. The first - ra.
thor laconic, but embraces all the fca- |
lures necessary to carry the letters safely
TO ITS destination. 1t read
Hannah Iumford, born and bred
Massachusetts,, Marblehead
The next only has a poetical reference
to a Michigan town, which might be said
to contain more truth than poetry:
Send this letter rs fast as you can,
To Hillside College, in Michigan;
Where in winter they almost freeze,
And spend the summer catching Acas.
The Hyronical fancy that iudtcd the
following lines was, no doubt, anxious
that the letter should reach the lady
soon, and tho request to "hurry it on at
% rapid rate suggests that tho recipient
no doubt impaticutIg awaited the coming
OF the possibly love frcightcd missiyc.
The directions on this letter read as
f,1lgtvs.