The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-10-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

VIII AMI NJ MVhs
] SOUND logic-Arguing through the
telephone. o. la'auot si iiif lfiHo
SOME compilations are exceedingly
complex. ,..fs oq g,ufo1
\, JONAH is reported to have been the
first man who struck oil. ~ ioraassat
DOES the maternal Goldfish call its
young with Goldfish bawl?
FRANKLIN said that rich widows are
the only secondhand goods that sell at
prime cost. 80, 4.5i
y My son, emulate the mule; it is
backward in deeds of violence.-Ou
City Derrick. a,..-s ~ en-
CERvANTEs has said, !" Every one is
son of his own works." This makes
the great Krupp son ola GIN.
AN intelligent compositor out West
made the Queen of the ball wear
pair of delicately-tinted satin scan
dals."
IT amt so much what man kan
lift, as what he kan hang on to, that
shows his aktual strength.-Josh Bill
je1gs.
The reason we can not have an hon
est horse race is because we haven't an
honest human race.-BOston Trav-
eller.
A CHICAGO policeman arrested boy
who had an onion tied in the corner
of his handkerchief. The charge
against him was carrying concealed
weepins.
SHAKESPEARE never repeated. There
was gifted little boy in Kentucky last
week who resembled the immortal bard
in this important particular. He
thoughtlessly twisted mules tail.
YOUNG wife-"Oh, my dear. there is
most lovely set-pin, earrings and
buttons. Do go buy them
Mr.. Tightstring- Yes, dear, mean to
go by them as quick as possible.
A STRANGER asked resident in Mil
ford, Del, "Are you always troubled
with mosquitoes here?" Mosquitoes
was the answer, "swing pint measure
around and you'll catch quart of
| them"
THAT was an observing fellow, if he
was but years old, who said,
Papa, / wish you'd quarantine against
Tom Jones coming here every night
to see Jennie. It's got to be too cpl
demic."
az AN the oak you are the vine" re-
marked an ardent though silly lover to
his Marianne. Let the vine, therefore,
creep around the oak until it reaches
the topmost leaves" "And finds moth
ing there" exclaimed the heartless
beauty.
He had an auburn haired girl, and
promised to take her out riding. She
met him at the door when he drove up,
and he exclaimed, Hello! Ready"
She misunderstood him, and they don't
speak now. Thus slang makes another
slap at loves young dream"
AT a trial of criminal case, the pris-
oner entered plea of mot guilty" when
one of the jurymen put en- his hat and
started for the door,. The Judge called
him back and informed him that he
could not leave until the case was tried.
"Tried?" queried the Juror. "Why,
he acknowledges that he isnot guilty."
A RHYME OF THE TIME.
| Miss Pallas Eudora Won Biurky So
she didn't know chicken from turkey:
| High Spanish and Greek she could huently speak,
| But her knowledge of poultry was muIky.
| She could tell the great-uncle of Moses
| And the dates of the Wars of the Roses
| And the reasons of things why the Indians wore
| rings
| In their red, aboriginal nosesl
Why Shakespeare was wrong in his grammar.
| And the meaning of Emerson's "Brahma."
| And she went chipping rocks with little black box
| And small geological hammer.
| She had views upon co-education
| And the principal needs of the nation.
| And her glasses were blue, and the number she
| knew
| OF the stars in each high constellation.
| And she wrote in hand writing cerky,
And she talked with All emphasis jerky
And she painted tiles in the sweetest of styles
| But she didn't know chicken from turkey.