The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-05-09
VARIETIES.
alone in the stiffness.

We sit alone in the stiffness.
And hear, outside OF our cloister,
he world go by
The world. with It's toiling and buying.
And striving for gain,
The pitifnl world, with its crying
And moaning for pain
We have no part in its aching.
My soul and J..
No part in its giving and taking,
We have shaken on from our sandals
And smile to think of Its tumult
While we sit apart.
When is railroad track like a ship?
When you see a cargo on it.
If you would find great many faults,
be on the lookout; but if you want to
find them in unlimited numbers, be on
the look in.
He that is taught to live upon little,
owes more to his fathers wisdom than
he that has great deal left him does to
his fathers care.
A man was boasting to friend that
he had new kind of elevator in the
house. That's So" said his wife, land
he keeps it in a bottle in the cupboard"
A New York paper has this libelous
paragraph: "Orange county has a must
cal association that is over fifty wears old
to it ever since it was organized"
What makes a mans heart glad is to
wake up on a Sunday morning, and find
drizzling rain falling-just enough to
prevent his wife from going to church,
and to make the fishing good.-Puck.
Witty sayings are as easily lost as the
pearls slipping off a broken string; but
word of kindness is seldom spoken in
in - ne,h xnyl.,a -I.a.,
dropped by chance, springs up as flow
er.
Mr.. John B. Cough, in lecture in
England, on the effect of alcohol upon
the human system remarked that in his
opinion II was Every much like sitting
down on hornets neSt-stimulating,
but not nourishing."
A Fearful Suggestion-Fred(t TO chum)
Il dreamt about you last night, Bob.
Bob-I hope it was pleasants Fred-0,
yes! very pleasant while it lasted.
| dreamt that you paid the so you owe
me.-Harvard Lampoon.
A curiosity in typographical blunder-
| ing is noted in connection with the Off
cial list of awards made to the British
exhibitors at the Paris exhibition, which
claims to have been ISSUED by order of
His Royal Blghness, the Prince of
Males ="
1t is a noticeable fact that the people
| in the prairie country of Iowa do more
work than any other people in the west.
This because there is nothing in the top
rail of a barbed wire fence that invites
men to sit on it and talk politics while
the grasshoppers get In the crops.
They begged him to play little He
seemed to feel bashful at first, but after
while began to paw the ivory vigorously.
what power!" said a listener to the
| owner of the piano. Yes" exclaimed
| the latter in alarm, she seems to have
considerable muscle; but he ought to
know that this isn't gymnasium"
Driving through Sackville street, Dub
lin, the other day, on an outside car, the
wretched appearance of the horse sud
| denly struck me. | said: "Pat, YOU had
ought TO be taken up for cruelty to AMI
mails, driving such an old screw as that"
"Be gor, sur" was the quick reply, "if
didn't dhrive that, I'd be taken up for
cruelty to a wife and six children
London World.
To estimate what a bridge will cost
| any city if it is done by contract: Take
| the highest figures presented by any en-
gineer and multiply them by the length
| of the bridge in inches, point off two
| placcS anu Inen auu enough 10 prosecute
| any one who has anything to do with
handling the funds, and the result is
| that the bridge is an obstruction to nav
igatiOn.-Detroit Free Press.
Some people, when they make loss,
sit down respondent; others go TO work
all the harder, and make gain that COW
ers the loss. There is good moral in
the following: AT the battle of Shiloh
| an officer rushed up to Grant and said,
| "Sheneral, SchwartZ's battery is took"
"Well, sir" said Grant, you spiked the
guns before they were takenY' "VatI
| schpike dem new guns? No, Sheneral,
it would schpoil 'em." "Well, then,
what did you dor" do? Wy we went
right in and we took 'em back again"
A good natured laugh is the key to all
| breasts. The truth is, that people like
| to be laughed at in a genial sort of way.
| If you are making yourself ridiculous,
you want to be told of it in pleasant
manner, not sneered at. And it is aston
ishing how the laughing population can
talk without treading on the toes of their
neighbOrs. Why will people put on long
faces when it is much easier and more
comfortable to laugh? Tears come to US
unsought and unbidden. The wisest art
in life is to cultivate smiles, and to find
the flowers where others shrink away for
fear of thorns.
| Headache, whether arising from indiges-
| ton or nervousness, thoroughly units any