The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-09-13
VARIETY.
THE MOSQUITO.

Buz-z-z-z-z'p Buz buz z-zz'pI
Then chase around the room,
Bark shfns Up in the gloom
To build that insects tomb
With loaded pillow slip.
But how vain is endeavor.
More uncertain than the weather,
For we hit him " hardly ever"
CFOrgive usl,
And back he comes upon cur blood to sip.
She was = modest little girl,
Her name Matte Gordon,
But ON this ere she poured some oil,
And she's sailed the river Jordan.
A Democratic Congressman in Ohio took his
daughter to task because she permitted her lover
to stay awhile after 10 o'clock. .. La pa said
she, '' we were only holding an extra session.
game of euchre between the seasons
Spring passes, Summer makes it next, Autumn
orders it up, and Winter runs the game out.
Where q woman" says Mr.. Partington.
- has beeu married with a congealing heart. and
one that beats desponding to her own, she will
never want to enter the maritime state again"
elf was not for the years couehed upon his
head wrote the obituary writer; and then he
cot right up and hnwIed when the type-setter
rendered it. n is we're ears, u
could have stood upon his head"
The ZuIus are an enterprising sort OF people, says
the Times Of ST. Louis. They have declared
peace half n dozen times, and are still twisting
the British lions tail hard that he doesn't
know whether he's got the JimJams or the collie
Pious old lady: Just think Rose, onIS five
mathematics 10 twenty thousand cannibals!"
Kfud-hearted neice - Goodness the poor can
nibals will starve to death at this rate"
THE pole-cat." says Josh Billings. "is so
called because a fellow needs pole three hun
dred feet long to kill one, and if the wind favors
the cat n longer pole would be more desirable -
Once upon an evening dismal. 1 gave her kiss
paroxysmaI, and called her name baptismal, pre-
cious name / love Of yore. Ah She was a dar-
ling creature, pert OF speech and fair OF feature
but. egad, you couldn't teach her, for she had
been there before, and only murmured, - buss
me more"
SrRASGE--JOsh Billings says. I am now past
sixty wears old and every now and then meet a
reflex who knu me As years ago, and remembers
some deviltry wac guilty of then. Amt it
strange how tenashus the memory is Of these
things and how weak il is ennything good a
feller may have acksidentally done.
The Reno Gazette says, that a Piute squaw
will not permit her - buck to work, and If he
insists on working, will discard him instanter.
She had rather to do the work herself, and let
her lord live in idleness, apparently regarding
him as made of nObler clay than herself. A
squaw would soon think of marrying another
sqraw as a man who would work. In fact, they
do not consider a man who works man at all,
but some sort Of nOudescript.
pretty shabby looking man walked into the
Office Of Western newspaper. and approaching
man IN a red shirt and top boots, who had his
feet on desk and his chair tipped back, re-
marked
e ss Are you the editOr7''
al am sir but haven't time to talk. If you
have anything to say, boil it down to stickful.'
The visitor eyed him sharply for a moment,
and then drew seven shooter from his pocket
and advanced step or two The editor turned
rale as death, when the other said
Don't be frightened. / shan't hurt you. I
am tired Of life but have too much selfrespect to
commit sAicide. Here. take this poem on Spring
and this pistol aud do your duty a citizen who
loves law and n higher standard or literature
His pistol handed back, also the poem,
and the yersi6cr remarked as he stepped to the
door
eff were rich and had everything necessary
10 make me happy. and should offer you an ode
on Spring you would kill me, but now you are
too mean to pull a trigger. | thought | could
come in here and be quietly massacred, but
can't. You are the most contrary man | ever
saw"
Then he marched out with solemn grandeur.
IL Is by far the most painful episode in the his
torv Of the church at Maltese Cross Roads. The
talented minister Of the church was awarded the
degree Of doctor Of divinity by one Of our colleges
a few days since, and soon a. the commencement
exercises were over, he telegraphed the news to
one OF hIs deacons. The telegram, as he sent it,
read - I've just been ID. ID d by my alma ma
ter but as the deacon received il it read = I've
;nst been id by my alma mater The deacon
had the most exalted opinion Of his dominic, not
ouIv OF his intellectual abilities, but Of his moral
worth, and at once called an indignation meeting
Of the church, at which. IN the most scathing
terms he denounced the college which had pre-
sumed TO d-n a reverend gentleman who was Of
unimpeached sOundness IN doctrine, and whose
practice was in strict conformity with his preach
ing He carried all his hearers with him, and
his motion that the salary Of their dear but
shamefuIIy abused pastor be increased $500, and
that n committee be appointed to purchase sill
YER service to be presented to him on his return,
was carried unanimously, and there wasn't dry
eve in the house. The newly-degreed minister,
bearing his blushing honOrs with graceful hurnIl-
isy, arrived home yesterday morning. In
the afternoon, the deacon, we regret to say, dis
solved bis connection with the church and bought
shotgun. About the same time genial and
irbaue Telegraph operator began leaving for parts
=. a. e~~txe e~.f