St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-05-16
SQuibs.

Inc iolloWlnS is Golu Oh q young gen.
tleman who was passing an examina-
ton in physics: He was asked, "What
planets were known to the ancients ~
'Well, sir" he responded, "there were
Venus and Jupiter. and"-after pause
FL think the Earth, but Pm not quite
certain"
Scene: The outside of an omnibus.
Party (who doesn't know much about
'Osses )-"And what do you call the
horse on the right hand side, driver
He looks a good sort" Driver-"Oh,
that's the off un." Party-"Is it, in
deed ? Dear me Lost both his parents,
L s'pose ?"
The world will never fully know how
much it owes to science. A ''scientificr
man who has been investigating the
coal oil regions of Pennsylvania has
come out with the alarming theory that
the oil comes from the bearing of the
earth's axis, and that the earth will
cease to turn when the fabrication
ceases. Therefore he holds the opinion
that the government ought to interfere
at once and put a stop to this pumping
and boring for this gudgeon-g grease Of
the universe.
Good morning, Mr.. Smith on the
sick list to-day ~ eyes, sir; got the
ague." 'Do you ever shake 7" eyes"
"When do you shake again ?" "Can't
say when; shake every day. Why do
you ask 7" ''Oh, nothing in particular,
only L thought if you shook bad, I'd
like to stand by and see if you could
not shake the fifteen dollars out of
your pocket which you have owed me
so long"
A young woman who had never
learned the gentle art of cookery, being
desirous of impressing her husband
with her knowledge and diligence,
manages to have her kitchen door aiar
on the day after their return from the
bridal trip, and just as her lord comes
in from the Office exclaims loudly.
Hurry up, Eliza, do Haven't YOU
washed the lettuce yet Here, give it
to me; where's the soap ?"
An old darkey caught two pound
sucker one day and was so well satisfied
with his work that he lay down for a
nap with the fish beside him on the
grass. Another darkey came along
picked up the sucker and left
a half-pound one in its place. When
the first man and brother woke up. the
first thing his eyes sought was the fish,
and it took him some seconds to realize
that something had happened. Then
turning his prize over and examining it
all round, he simply said, "Golly, how
dat fish am shwunked -
''Business is picking up, and no mis-
take /" began Woollenburgher the other
night; "why ! put thousand pairs of
gloves In stock this mOrning-Only this
morning, gents-and, would you be-
lIeve 1T, when locked up this evening
there were only five hundred pairs left :
yes, sir, only five hundred pairs" OF
course all felt encouraged, and of course
all congratulated Woollenburgher
warmly. But you should have seen the
mob go for him as he hurriedly shot
through the door after remarking, "The
other five hundred pairs were rights.
you know."-Boston Transcript.
The story as told by sophomore to
his little sister: Mary was the prOprie-
tfess OF dlminutive, incipient sheen,
whose outer covering was as devoid of
color as congealed atmospheric vapor,
and to all localities to which Mary ner.
amouiated her young southdOwn was
morally sure to follow. 1t tagged her
to the dlspensary of learning one dur
nal section of time, which was contrary
to all precedent, and excited cachina-
ton OF the seminary attendants when
they perceived the presence of young
mutton at the establishment of instruc7
ton. Consequently, the preceptor ex-
PEELED him from the interior, but he
continued to remain in the immediate
vicinity, and continued in the neighbor
hood without fretfulness until Mary
once more became visible. "Wbat
caused this specimen of the genus owls
TO bestow so much affection on Mary q,
tne lmpetuous progeny vociferated.
because Mary reciprocated the wool
producers esteem, you understand
the tutor answered back. 0>0''1'