Daily Republican., 1879-11-13
HUMOROUS.

A DufSt OF WELCOME IiVmo
=.,.. .ts----~~ .--r=
HUMOROUS.
GETTING A JuRy.-Counsel-''Do you
know anything Of this case ~
Jurynau-"No."
"Ever heard anythingf"
"No."
"What neveri
"No." (Applause.)
"Have you formed any opinion as to
this cases"
mo" -..
"Any opinion about anything -
"No."
"What never 7"
"No." (Applause.)
"Ever heard Pinafore ~
"No." (Groans Remarks: "No won
der no didn't do it. Sold.")
"No sympathy with anything per-
tanning to the public interestr
"No."
"No information, no knowledge, no
opipious, no taste for reading, no de-
sire to know what is going on In the
world?"
"None whatever"
Counsel, fnslly-"Good You'll DO
for a juryman. Your are accepted.
Among several new anecdotes OF the
Emperor Nicholas, related by Russian
contemporary, is the following: One
day the Emperor, who was one OF the
strictest and most inhexible Of disciple
nsrisns, met in street Of st. Peters
burg, a drunken dragon, who was rid
ing in a droschky. In great rage,
the Gear stopped the droschky, and
angrily asked the soldier what he was
doing. The imminence Of his danger
partially sobersd the latter. He rose
in his carriage, drew his sword, and sa-
luting the Czar, said, IL am taking a
drunken soldier to the guard room your
majesty" The Emperor Nicholas
smiled, gave the soldier q fve-rouble
piece, and told his coachman to drive
him, not to the guard-room, but home.
Let us hold on to our obslisk and
stand right up by the commander, even
though We have to shed Egyptian Cor
riugs in generous quantities. We don't
care for tho obelisk. A nation that sup
plies itself with petrifed giants and
s-Adamic human fossils to order can
make better obelisks for itself than
Egypt ever saw, but We don't propose
70 be beat out of an obelisk by race
, of people who sleep eighteen hours q
day and wear their hair like picture
. in the Bible dictionary.-"Hswkeye."
"Dat cullud pussun on de jury, ,him'a
dc man objeo' to, "said negro when. put
on trial in the Marion, 8. c., court the
other day. The black good man and
true was unseated, and the prisoner
given xcsuittal. After his release the
darkey was asked what he had agains,
. juryman Of his own color. "Nofin
!. at all, )" boss," said he, "but, ye see,
knowed II hattered d. prejudus OBJ de
oddsr jurymen dat get of, an golly,
did. ."-"Nsw York Tribune"
He looked over all the papers on the
newsstand counter, and not finding
what he wanted, he said to the plump
} pretty girl clerk: 81 want Preside
Companion" "What, sir?" she blush
ed. ~ want a Fireside Companion, u
, he repeated. ooh! yes. sir; hear
. you now," and she chewed the corner
: Of her apron. "Well-well-do you
do you think will do" 1t turned
, out happily.
The great man Of village being al
dinner allowed one Of his tenants tt
stand while he convsrsed with him
What news, my friend :" said the
souire. "None that know Of" re-
!. piled the farmer, "except that SOW o
d mine has had litter Of thirteen pigs
y and she has only twelve teats." "Wha
will the thirteenth dot" asked tn,
Landlord. "Do as l do" returned
Hodge, "it will stand and look on whil'
the others eat"
That man who slipped that poke
chip into our pocket, and so caused u
to nut 1t into the contribution box q
r, church, ought to be ashamed Of him
Y self. and the deacon who called our at
tsntion to what We had done in tom
loud enough to be heard all over tn
house ought to be ashamed too.-Bosto'
"Post."
st "Gentlemen Of the jury" said al
Irish barristsr, "it will be for you t
say whether this defendant shall be al
lowed to come into court with unblush
!. ing footsteps, with the cloak OF hypo
l. crisy in his mouth, and draw thre
= bullocks out Of my clients pocket wit
impunity."
On a certain American railroad
!, young man put his head out Of a ca
window to kiss his girl goodbye, whe
the train went ahead go rapidly tina
he kissed an aged African female at tn
next station. This IL supposed to b
I. the fastest Tins ever made on a railwa
- train. . ..s...
lie Talking about Maud Banks, the Ger
'e' erals daughter, the Chicago "Tribune
= thinks that If the compositor omits II
nd tsou In tho voupy lady's first name, h