The Portland daily press., 1879-06-13

now cure merry, merry cough with the hoar-
| hound and the tar.
Norristown Herald "Four-of-a-Kind" is
the name of an Indian chief. But this will
not prevent the government from Calling him
to new reservation about six times year.
| Andrews's Bazaar: Pm so glad now 1 didn' t
marry that long, lean Hen Simpson," writes a
| young lady in the midst of her preparations
for summer. "Charlie's got such a nice, broad
Dack to trace dress patterns on!'
A young lady in town well connected
= In her talk was very affected;
For neither always said nither;
And one day at the dentists
Before her tooth was elected
She said she believed she'd take "ither''
Wheeling Leader.
A little fellow, who had recently had a
pineapple CUT on his head, kept feeling of
his short hair, rubbing his hand back and
forth over the top of his head. His father
asked him why he did so and the urchin re-
pied: II want to feel the cutness of it."
When Dickens was sitting before the camera
for the picture in which he is shown writing,
the photographer suggested that he should
hold his pen more naturally: "Just as though
you were writing one of your novels, Mr.
Dickens" said he. 'T see," said Dickens, "all
OF er twist (This is Dickens's only pun.)
New York Express: "Once for An."-"In
your long absence have you thought of me?"
asked she, coyly. "Yes,'' replied he, provok-
ingly, "once." "Only once" inquired she,
rising as if to depart. "Only once" re-
peated he, holding out his arms, "only once
all the time' And she came right back.
Hawkeye: And now after all the puns and
one thing and another we have constructed on
Cetewayo and the Zulus, comes along a tray
eled gentleman in the Nation and says the one
name is pronounced Tzchtfperehughz, and the
other, Bmbrztii You can't put the least bit of
reliance in these barbarous names
Punch: Angelina-"Dld you ever see any
thing so wonderful as the likeness between old
Mr.. and Mrs. Bellamy, Edwin? One would
think they were brother and sister, instead of
husband and wifei'' Edwin-''Married peo-
pie always grow like each other in time, dar-
ling. It's very touching and beautiful to be-
hold!' Angelina (not without anxiety
Dear me! And is it invariably the case, my
love?'
Punch: Circumstantial evidence: "Who's
that frizzly, black-haired woman talking to
my husband on the ottoman?" "She's Mrs.
Cadogan Smythe.' Indeed! She's good at
fattering people, should say, and knows how
to lay it on pretty Thick ''Ah! you infer
that, no doubt, from her attitude and express
sion?'' "Oh, dear, no! From my husband'sP'
Hawkeye: There is no authentic photo
graph of Medusa ON file that we know of, but
it is generally understood that the expression
OF her countenance was that Of man who has
just gone into the cupboard in the dark, groped
along the shelf for the old flat bottle with the
broken cork, collared the wrong one, and
swallowed about three ounces of rheumatism
Ininent before he found it out.
Burdette: Richard Ceur de Lion was the
most stylish man in England in his time.
When he had put on his tin helmet and cast
iron ulster, and pair of laminated steel boots,
and picked up club with an iron knob and a
steel spike in the end, and set forth on a cru
sade the fashionable society of that day con-
sidered him dressed to kill" And one time
when he was dressed up that way fellow
killed him.
Punch: Two Asides-"Ah there goes
Brown, who used to live in Newman street.
Now he's an A. r. A, and evidently far too
great a swell to remember the likes of mel"
by George, if it amt Jones-a @. c., if you
please, since we last met at Paddy Green's,
and OF course much too high and mighty to
recollect my husable Ill ink mean
~ OF each other and pass on.
1t is all wrong to let your church choir go off
singing in the opera of Pinafore between Sun
days. A dreadful thing happened recently at
California funeral. The PASTOR tall, white
haired man, much resembling an admiral,
arose in the pulpit, and had no sooner finished,
in sing-song tone, the remark, "We miss his
presence in his usual haunts," than the choir
sprang to its feet and shouted in return, "An(,
so do his sisters and his cousins and his aunts."
Boston Transcript: Little Johnny-'Pa,
you said the reason folks are dumb is because
they can't hear others talk?" Pa delighted
how well his little son remembers) s)-''Yes,
Johnny" Johnny-'Then suppose a boy
who never gets chance to see anything would
be blind, wouldn't he?" Pa (rather discon-
certed at Johnny's logic Well-yes-perha
So But why do you ask that, johnny"
Johnny-"N Nothing; only there's been one cir
GUS and anothers coming, and I don't want
to be blind, pa
Burlington Hawkeye: Nobody except the
people in the front pews last Sunday, and only
the few there who listened very intently, could
hear the tenor when the choir started out
"When 1 can read my title clear" singing very
distinctly, with his face turned toward the
leader at the other end of the organ:
GIVE lost the place, I'm in a fix
Whatever shall do?''
And then the leader, in his profoundest bass,
replied in faultless tone and metre:
"The tune is on page ninety-six,
The words on forty-two"