The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1879-03-21
Phunnygraphs.
. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Who is going to pay us for ths
forty days that are Leht every
Sppingf
Picture frames are not alway.
hung on account OF their gilt any
more than men.
A sqnatter's siianty out near the
Park bears this sign: /" Fresh eggs
for sale, laid every day by Mrs
Dooley." ....a.s si.l rss
: AZ pateTt medicine advertiser
says that Fat is net conducive to
long lite. That is true. A fat hog
rarely lives through the winter.
a Chnopee small boy declined
to eat soup at dinner the other day,
OH the ground that he "liadn't any
teeth that were little enough for
soup"
A man was killed ut a spelling.
bee in Ohio recently. They could.
MT spell him down, so they knock
ed him down and otherwise used
him up. ...........
The Washington Post suspects
that the missing republican tele-
grams, hke some of The Christian
martyrs, were burned because they
were 81 good. .i'"h
A Frenchman on being told that
young lady had giving him the
''mitten," said; "Me no comprehend
vat you call him, but her father in
troduced me to his shoemaker"
Here is the closing sentence
the peroration, as it were-Of a lit
tie boys essay on the mosquito:
"Ehe mosquitoes mother wouldn't
a cried IL the mosquito had never
been bOrn.n .....-.F.. t...l ..
When the great books come to
be opened and the sheep are sep
arated from the goats, considerable
lenity, it is thought, win I've shown
to goats who lrave lived IN furnish-
ed rooms. .H'a >raf
Papa had been i'll some time,
and his little girl wanted to know:
"HOw is it that you are not dead 7
Here they have buried Cousin
John, and you were sick a long
time before he was" g..
A scboolmaster spoke OF his pu-
pills as having beer so thoroughly
disciplined that they were as quiet
and orderly as the chairs them
selves. 1t was probably because
they were cane bottomed.
"My landladyT said man.
"makes her tea so strong that it
breaks the cups" "And mine,"
said another, "makes hers so weak
it can't run out of the pot"
A great many years ago poor
beggar explained his ragged APP
pearance by observing: 81 have
no money to buy new clothes and
mend | can't.' And his class have
been called mendieants ever since.
When two members of the legis-
lature are talking together, and
one of them says, "there is only
one great statesman among u.s."
the other fellow says he reckons he
will have to treat on that.
A gentleman in Memphis was
agreeably surprised to find plump
turkey ser> ed up for his dinner,
and inquired of his servant how it
VAS obtained. "Wby, sir" replied
Sambo, "dat turkey has been
costing on our fence tree nights.
So dis morningI seize him for de
ent ob de fence" HHi
Don't tella man you sweat. 1t
5 vulgar. Iuform him that you
re beiug deprived of the saline
nj 0leagi lous fluids of your ma
erial substance through the excre-
ories. of your pellucid cuticule,
nth sensible condensation of
Ieisture upon the superficial ex.
erior.
Science says now that kissing
II the lips must be abolished in
he interest of health. Most potent,
rave and reverend seigniors schol-
is aud philosophers, there are mo
leuts you know nothing of, when
man don't care two cents for
rience; and when he is going to
liant kisses where they belong, if
he l,ws of health are ripped from
Ilpha to Bersbeba. ~ .eanaa
"Oh. yes, III trade my horse for
our mule, if we kin gree. Now,
] this mule all aud he placed
is hand on the mules rear eleva-
on. Mortal man never knew the
Duclusion of that sentence. He
imbed the golden stair in frag-
tents, aud at pace compared to
hich the shooting OF a rocket is
iail's pace.
A writer of the sentler sex says,
New York weekly, that ga
woman never gets jam
ed, crowded or pushed, aud aids.
| am neither young nor pretty"
Ills explains it. No man cares to
ueeze woman who is neither
'ung nor pretty. Let us have the
pelience of some of the young
d pretty ones. ts5 oos
Josh Billings gives some advice
a young lady as to how she
ould receive "a proposal: You
ght to take it kind, looking