Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-05-25
Wit and Humor.

Cheering to owners OF real estate-The
small boys pants are easily rent.
It is a singular thing that no railroad
man has ever applied for patent on the
daybreak.
Sitting bulls medicine man is about to
issue pamphlet on the ssTrcatmcnt of
the Scalp
A newspaper man in Texas has mar
ried $2,000,O00, and sorrowing brother
adds, please exchange
Nov clean up the rubbish about your
premises and dispose Of it by tossing it
over into your neighbours yard.
tits the popular orators who say: ct
is sweet to die for ones country but
they let the other fellow do the dying
The youth who leaves off his evcrcoat
to enjoy the balmy spring is helping to
pay off the mortgage on his DOCTOR
house.
A man never feels as' though he is fall
ing down hatchway until, while walk
ing with all his might, one of the heels
flies off his shoes.
A Western doctor says that he has not
met with one case of old fashioned itch
for seven years past This shows how
fast this country has improved.
Agentleman was threatening to beat a
dog which barked intolerably. "Why,n
exclaimed an Irishlnan, s:would you beat
a poor dumb animal for spakin' out?''
Professor Cooking at his watch): GAS
we have a few minutes, should like to
have anyone ask questions, if so disposed y
Student: What time is it, please!''
Dusenbury, who went to a literary din
ner not long ago, and became confused,
alludes to the extensiveness of the menu a
potu, or some such thing Jersey City
Journui.
A cynical man insists that the fewer
relations or friends We have, the happier
we are. In your poverty they never help
you-in your prosperity they always help
themselves.
The owner Of an old shotgun, two
dogs, six lean children, and starving
wife will do more talking in favor.ot the
game laws than any five newspapers in
the state-KinQston Freeman.
A negro was put upon the stand as a
witness, and the judge inquired if he
understood the nature Of an oath. ssFo1
sartin, boss" said the citizens; ''if
swears to lie must stick to him.
That was neat bull one of our clergy.
men perpetrated in his sermon the other
day. Speaking Of Bunyan in prison, he
said: mo one but his blind daughter
came to see him. Springfield Union.
Curious, but we never saw this notice
in any of our country exchanges: lowing
to press Of poetry, large number of ad
vertisements are unavoidably crowded
out, but will positively appear in ou7
next. = Puck.
self-possessed tramp; evil any
gentleman Brown ito intending aims
giver): "Don't you give him anything
he's been here before to-day" S. p. T
| Qoftily): ssWill you have the kindnes!
not to NEEDLE with my business affairs?'
Puck.
His Opinion of. Shakespeare. Practi
cal Yankee: swell, yes, sir. give il
to you. Shakespeare was a genius. Blu
he didn't kinder seem to put it to a prac
teal use. Never benefited civilization
with threshing machine nor patent
turnip peeler, nor anything of that sort
4 Still he was a smart man.
j Horny handed sod of a hod- carrier clog
Share all money equally, that's weat
say Wife of the same. And phat woult
you do wild your share, Michael O'Shau
messy? "Spind it, like brick, ye oult
fool" ssAnd phat would you do thin2
"Share it all over again, ay course. Han'
me down that pipe.''
"a soft answer, = etc. Female epicure
aOh, mister, I'm sure that was ba'
one," Oyster salesman Indignantly
aWhat d. yer mean2 Then you shouldn'
a swallered it, mum! I've been in thi
trade matter O. ten years, and never
. Lady: "Well, it certainly left mast
taste" Salesman (mollifed): s'Wel
, there's no denyin' that some on 'em
'igher in flavor than others !''-Palnch.
The tongue will sometimes make tn
most awkward slips; it is told Of clergy
man in one of the towns near Bosto
f that he had given him to read from tn
{ pulpit an announcement that 9Th
Bell1ngham praying-b andn would cor
duct at the evening meeting; but'by som
: strange perversity of the unruly member
! the congregation were astounded with th
announcement that there would be sci
) vice by the birmingham belly-band! y