Smyrna times., 1879-04-23
WHOLE NO. 1851.
Newspaper Waits,

The time that tried mems soles-Pedes-
trian contests.
"Oh, yes, have made faces my study.
Do you paint, Miss Rrown?" "Sirr ~
mean, do you paint pictures ?"
An Ohio cow last week broke a mans
neck hy kick. \ mule that witnessed
the casually went behind a barn and wept.
-NoriSto,gn Herald.
Life is but span. Marriage is a double
team. Youth \ lcdded to old age is a tandem.
cross old bachelor is single and all sully.
-Nc'o Or3eeo,s Plroynn@.
Rector: Those pigs Of yours are in fine
be. All, sur, if we wos all on US only as fit
to die as them are, we'd do!'
\ young officer thought to puzzle tho
editor of lie F19oro 10y asking him when two
men of equal age and rank met, which
should be the first to bow The editor
calmly replied = The more polite Of the
| two"
Edith" Now, Grandpa, don't the Bible
say our hairs are all numbered p Bald
headed Grandpa" Yes, child, yes -
| Edith" Well, Grandpa, it didn't trouble
them much to count yours, did it?"-
Imuic.ot P,eneh.
Smart Sophomore" What fruit would
/ you most resemble when riding on a lack.
ass p Innocent Look .ng Freshman-"Givo
ii up" 5. s" \ beautiful pear" l. l.. +.
=" All right; come outside and I'll try H."
-Harrar{ IIroc4te.
The superintendent addressed the Sun.
day school on Obedience to the moral law,
and urged the keeping and not breaking of
the commandments. and to taSten the i'm.
preston, asked " Is anything better for
being broken? p " Yes" said a little boy,
q nag The address proceeded no further.
" Have you given electricity a trial for
your complaint, madam?' asked the
minister, as he took tea with the old lady.
" Electricity!' said she. "Weli. yes, |
reckon | has. was struck by lightning
last summer and hove out of the window.
but il didn't seem to do me no sort Of good.
boston TrarcHr.
4 man went into clothing store the
other day, and after picking out some very
fine cloth, said: g" ! want to make my
father a present Of an overcoat. Just
measure it for me. Of course it will be toe
big for him. but its pretty good wearing
cloth, and as the old mans in bad health
I'll have to wear it sooner or later anyway
just make it a little broad across the
shoulders"
Instructor in Logic attempting to illus
trate intention and extension) " Now, Mr.
A., what is the intention of 'the dog? .
Diligent pupil No. | "A-a-Sir, that de
pends upon circumstances. he may be
intending to bite you, Or THAT will
do for you. sir-Mr. B.. what is the oxten
sion Of 'the dog?'" Di!igent pupil No. :
lsure of dead rush): His tail, sir
Ia'e Record.
\ patriotic Hlbernian, after listening fo
some time to recitation Of Irish bulls annie
general laughter, cried Indignantly: Faith
Mr. A., an do We know what think 2
Why, indeed, what do you think, Mr. DIP
Shure, sir, and do ye know that think
indade, that not more than One-haif OF these
lies that they tell bout the Irish are true
This was unanimously pronounced the bes
bull of the lot.--Ypria4fe!d Republican.
We never weary of reading a good epi
taph one which indicates the work of
lifetime in few short. crisp words. Her
is one, for instance, which needs no eXpla
nation. 1t was inscribed on the tomb of
cannibal: He loved his fellow men.
And here is double obituary, which show
that the state Of matrimony is sometimes
happy one:
am anXiously expecting you. 4. D
1927.
Here am. A. D. 1867
: -ChriSttdn al Work.