The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1879-05-29
FACTS AND FANCIES.

To preserve sight do not strain the
eyes, but rest them occasionally.
Several thicknesses of newspaper un-
der carpet helps to preserve il.
As rule, plants with white blossoms
have the most odoriferous species.
When does man smoke cigar too
longP When he smokes it too short.
Never Judge hastily. A cucumber
isn't often as green as the man who con-
sumes it.
what are our boys good for p We
can reply, that there are times when
they are good for 'nutting.'
Dust allowed to accumulate on n dress
cuts the material in every crease into
which il works its way.
A weak mind is like microscope,
which magnifies trihing things, but can
not receive great ones.
The only thing which men are univer-
sally willing TO lay mp for rainy day
ID other peoples umbrellas.
If the best employment OF woman
is to make home happy, the best work
OF man is to make her happy.
John Bright. once spoke of the Eug.
| ii'+I o'LiJ anu navy 40 a = lRbuLlC bNBUtn
of outdoor relief for the aristocracy.
Time may be money, but we don't
think there is half as much fun in spend
ing time as there is in spending money.
The object of all ambition should be
to be happy at home. II we are not
happy there we cannot be happy else.
where.
In some of the English publications
the jokes are SO dry that they wither
the leaves in the book in which they are
printed.
If spring chicken wasn't pretty
tough, it couldn't survive all the news
paper witticisms perpetrated at it's ex-
pense, you know.
We have met many people who never
knew enough to attend to their own
business, but they always knew how to
run newspaper.
The kindness of Heaven is nowhere
more apparent than in the fact that the
women it puts on earth are, as a rule,
SO much too good for the men.
An editor has one advantage over a
king. When the editor goes out riding
in his open barouche drawn by four
milk-white steeds he is never shot at by
a socialist. You have probably remarked
this yourself.
4 don't think much of newspaper
men, and never take any stock in what
the papers say, he said. And then
everybody knew that he had done some-
thing that he was ashamed of, and the
papers had published an account Of it.
If life has been spared him little
Charlie Ross reached the ninth anniver-
sary OF his birth on May 9Th. It will be
five years on the first day of July next
since he was carried away from his
| home.
How doth the little housewife now
improve each shining hour? She trots
around with broom and mop and mind
intent to scour. On, mortal man-un-
happy soul, so bopelessly demeaned
Oh, happy man, if man there be, whose
house need not be cleaned.
While little boy in Roxbury, Mass,
lay deathly i'll of diphtheria, pet dog
sprang upon the bed and affectionately
licked the boys lips. The child began
to recover from that time, and was
shortly convalescent, but the dog sicken-
ed and died with all the symptoms of
the disease.
A paragrapher pokes fun at the dimin-
utiveness of one of the contestants in the
South American war now in progress,
by saying that the Bolivian army has
been much embarrassed by the deten-
tion of its baggage train, but they've got
fire going under the mule now, and
it is thought he will start.
A German inventor mixes with water
proof glue suitable quantity of clean
quartz sand, which is spread on the thin
leather sole employed as foundation
as soles for shoes. These quartz soles
are said to be flexible and almost inde-
structible, while they enable the wearer
to walk safely over slippery roads.
True Wit is like the brilliant stone
Dug from the Indian mine,
Which boasts two various powers in one,
To cut as we'll as shine.
Genius, like this if polished right
With the same gift abounds
Appears at once both keen and bright,
And spsrkles while it wounds.
It is popular notion that fruit is
; gold in the morning, silver at noon and
lead at night. Like many other popu-
lar notions it had it's origin in historic
fact, if not historic disaster. If Adam
had eaten his apple III the morning the
whole destiny of the world might have
been changed; but, poor ignorant man,
! he eat it just after Eve, and we have all
inherited the internal commotion.
| A young lady of Des Moines, Iowa,
l who was receiving attention from two
young men, recently married the one
= she preferred, but in so quiet style
that it was not generally known. The
l evening after the wedding the other
s swain came on visit, and seeing his
D rival there, seemed determined to stay
liz, MAC =, ,rh on,