The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-01-09
WIT AND HUMOR.


is no snow.
A HOTEL bill MY well be called inn
debtedness.
The demand Of the hour is BURGLAR
proof grave.
MoTTo for candy pull-What are yer
givin' us-taffy?
A CLEAR case of body-snatching-A
dog stealing sausage.
WHY is an enraged snake like the let
ter Ell ? Because it is an asp-irate.
HENS are said to lay their eggs in the
daytime because at night they are
rOosters
BEER may not make you fat, but an
overdose will make you lean-up
against something.
IF a Dear were to go into linen
draper's shop, what would he want? He
would want muzzlin'.
OUGHT the Torrid zone to be con-
sldered the finest part of the world be-
cause it bears the palm?
You may break, you may shatter the
hive if yol will, but if you get off with
out puncture OF two you'll be thun-
deric' lucky.-Yo1ahers Gazette.
A CAPITAL ANSWER "Self-made man
examining school, Of which he is a
manager)- Now, boy, what's the capt.
tai of 'Oland?" Boy-"An H, sir"
IF "every man is the architect of his
own fortune" the most of them had bet
ter abandon architecture and go to saw
ing wood.-Bjmghdmton Republican.
THE Sioux are not contagious" said
an old frontiersman. What do you
mean" asked q by-stander. 60 mean
that they are hard to CATCH" was the re-
ply.
A MULES head does not contain a
brain capable of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what an
extent the other end of him can be
reared-Nea0 York Mail.
STRANGE, isn't it? Smoke a good
cigar and you will never hear a word
about it; but light one of those four
for-ten-cents, and every body within
100 yards will talk about it.
We have known lady who was so
delicate she could rarely walk more
than hundred yards without complain
ing, who would rem up a tremendous
bill (the compositor is requested not to
set this word hilD without taking a
breath.
A CHICAGO publisher has issued
book entitled How to Become Plump"
The old way, you remember, was to lean
out of third-story window and come
down plump. The new method is less
dangerous, but not so certain.
A LADY entered shop lately and re-
Quested to see some lavender kid gloves,
whereupon she was shown several diff
ferent shades of that color. Being a
little overcome with so great variety,
she asked: (Which of those pairs is
the lavenderest?"
A VERY diminutive specimen of
man lately solicited the hand of fine,
buxom girl. ooh, mol" said the fair
but insulting lady, Il can't think of it
for moment. The fact is, John, you
are little too big for a cradle, and
little too small to go to church with"
A COUNTRY surgeon, who was bald,
was on visit to friends house, whose
servant wore wig. After bantering
him considerable time, the doctor
said: "You see how bald I am, and yet
don't wear wig" "True, SIR re-
Piled the servant, 'but an empty barn
requires no thatch."
Mr.. STURGEON is credited with this
design on hubby's happiness: When
am marrying young couples gener-
ally tell the young lady to let her hus-
band be the head, for that is according
10 scripture and nature; but I always
advise her to be the neck, and twist
lim round which way she likes"
SAID to my wife. "My dear pom my life.
You look gloomy and sad this fine morning"
So would you" said my wife, if you'd gone
through my strife
With cook who'd just had months warning
There's way, my sweet Maud, to be rid of such
elves:
let us live upon chops-and We'll cook em our
selves"
Yes, that's ali very fine," she replied, "my dear
'or, when sick Of fried chops, why-you,n dine at
your club"
SOME one has suggested that if the
INVENTOR OF the photograph would
ring out little machine, to be at
oShOO w OLC OOOI, WHICH WOuIu Sfty,
7hen landlord called for the rent:
Come again next month";" it would
ave good sale. So it would; and, if
e wanted a name for it, he might call
the postponograph.
FIRST small boy" Hullo, Jim! I've
ot two-bladed knife and book full
picters." Second S. B.-"Pooh!
hats nothing. I've got four-blader
nd two books and bully sled and
air O. skates and" First S. B.
Look a-here, you Jim Smikins, my pa
an lick your pa, and, durn ye, can
ok you. Yer'd better don't be BLOWN
ound me, ole teller. Boston Trans
ript.
The Atlantic cable is being sdu-
Iexed," process which will increase