The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-10-01
j WIT AND HUMOR.

nc had patlence.
When Cinnamon play billiards they
never use their own queue.
"Gas brigands" is what the people of
Paris call the companies that furnish
them with light.
Adam never smoked. OF course not.
Ihere was no one living in those DAYS
from whom he could beg cigars.
The best are the cheapest. This il
more especially so in the matter of wives.
A saw for the times: ssNo man should
live beyond the means of his creditors ,,
When a man wants puppy to follow.
he whistles. A girl has only to wink at
one. . -. .-'.E
England may be ''mistress of the C's.',
but she has never yet been able to fairly
master the HIS.
"Change cars!' is what the bootblack
said to countryman the other day, when
ne had finished one of his brogans.
Little Johnny is quite sure the picture
OF Spitz dog he drew on the parlor wall
was good because it made his father
Lsttle Gerty (after waiting some time for
dessert -"Uucle, don't youhave ANYTHING
after dinner?" Uncze|ssYes, dear: the
dyspepsia" ''
Grandpa-"By George, must stop
and blow bit, Tommy" TOMMY
"All right grandpapa, I've got stone to
put under your heel
japanese fans will be decorated this
year with highly improbable flocks of
req hens refusing to be "shooed' by
ridiculous blue weman.
Strange that nobody ever thought of
the effect OF a BARRIERS breath on the DO
toto bug. 1t is pretty hard remedy.
but something must be done.
"At what age were you married? gu asked
she lnquisitively. But the other ladv
was equal to the emergency, and quietly
responded, Eat the parsonage"
Bald-headed men are so numerons in
Chicago that an audience in that CITY IS
said to look, when viewed from above.
like cobble-stoned pavement.
A young lady graduate NAV, in after
years, forget the title of her ESSAY. but she
vii! always remember how her white
"pekay" dress was made ano trimmed.
One of the saddest and most vexatious
trials that come to girl when she mar
ries is that she has to discharge her
mother and depend upon hired girl.
Very kind gentleman-'Do you know,
my dear, that we have to-day the shortest
day In the year?" Lady-s::Verv true:
but Your presence makes me forget it,
1t is claimed that the Persians invent
ed croquet nearly thousand years ago.
The decline of the Persian empire and
the effeminancy Of its people is no longer
a mystery.
Two men started out on a wager to see
which could tell the biggest lie. No.
commenced: "a wealthy country edi-
tor whereupon No. stopped him
right there and paid the forfeit.
Arkansas is queer place: If you 90
there with ten dollar gold piece in your
pocket, they tar and feather you for
bloated aristocrat. If you are poor, they
will let you die of fever and ague.
The brewers congress estimates that
100000 barrels of lager, or nearly two
kegs tor every man, woman and child in
the country, will be consumed this wear.
We had no idea that children were so
fond of it.
A boy in Auburn was leading a Door
old horse through the street, the other
day, when gentleman asked him WHY
he didn't get on horseback and ride.
'Horseback" replies the boy, 'sit cnafes
me to lead him.
n tool, says the Arab proverb, may be
known by six things anger without
cause, speech without profit, change
without motive, inquiry without object,
putting trust in stran ger, and not know
ing his friends from his foes.
II know what made my papa and your
papa SICK" said one little girl to another.
''What?" ''They danced too much at the
springs" "Hush! my papa belongs to
the meeting" $50 does mine when he's
home, but there amt no meetin' I'D at
the springs"
A young man who went from Burling-
ton to Leadvifle about six weeks ago.
writes cheerfully back to his friends:
II have gained three pounds since I came
here, and gained it all in half ounce in
stallments. Haven't been shot in the
head yet"
Grandma went on board a modern
ern steamer, and walking up to the
pier-glass she saw an old lady approach
ing. II wonder if you are as tired as I
ana" she said compassionately," and the
kindly old face looked toward her in ST.
lent sympathy.
North Perry, Me-, has an infant giant
ess in perfect health, which, though but
year old, is three feet high and weighs
as much as a healthy 12-year old boy.
At its birth it only weighed nine pounds.
Its great-great- grandfathe was man of
extraordinary size
>, When you see woman going toward
the river with a good-sized pole in her
hand, and wrinkle across her nose. YOU
needn't think she is going fishing. Not
much; she's got a boy down that way
who promised her, with tears in his ewes,
he wouldn't go in swimming.
A colored minister in Georgia was
brought to trial before his church on a
charge of stealing bacon. After num-
Der Of witnesses had been examined the
deacons retired, and soon atterward re-
ANH~ Il Al I'll