, 1879-11-08
DiverSitieS.
a hundred-@.

ter
To avoid a miss take always marry a
widow.
The English home ruler-The lady of
the house.
Isn't our national anthem written in
Amerry kee
The Bonapsrtist faction is about to
take another Nap.
Mr.. Hayes health is suffering fcr lack
of something to veto
The BOY who WAS kept after school for
bad photography said he was spell-bound.
When You see young lady indulging
in the game of archery, just observe her
arch her-eye.
Repentance is like a married woman
rushing for an excursion tram. 1t usually
arrives too late
4 Boston man broke off his marriage
with young lady because she spelt hug
ging with one g.
An intelligent compositor out west made
the Queen OF the ball wear pair OF deli
cately-tinted satin scandals
There is Spanish proyerb which says
when you choose a wife, shut your eyes
and commend your soul to God.
"How TO act in a sick room" Don't
act in sick room. If You must act, join
dramatic company or hire hall.
q Trigonometry, replied Charles, toy.
ing with an Invalid mustache, lis "A
is the science of pulling the trigger, of
course.
A Syracuse boy put his sisters switch
into cannon for wadding on the Fourth.
He said that was the proper way to bang
her hair
The Buffalo Express thinks that women
can never play ball satisfactorily until
they are permitted to use their aprons to
catch with.
A Chicago man wants the thief who
stole his well bucket and rope to como
back and take the well, as 1t Is of no use
to him now.
\ tombstone with simple cucumber
carved upon it is oftentImes more express
sive than one with ten thousand lines Of
obituary poetry.
The voice of the young man who got
away with three hundred and nInety-six
clans at clambake is heard III the land,
and it calls for the doctor.
Let girls be girls" is the advice at
the head Of newspaper article. To be
sure. 1t is well TO allow the original plan
of the LORD to be carried out.
Mrs. Langtry, :" the Jersey lily" tolls
not, neither does she spin, but solomon
in all his glory was not such a favorlte
with the photograph artists
A Pennsylvania boy made gun of a
section of gas-pipe, and but for his un-
timely death might have accomplished
perpetual motion some day.
Hosiery is reported by an Eastern ex-
change as higher This is a very proper
precaution, since the necks of dresses are
to be worn next season lower.
"Will you have some more beans,
JOHNNY ?" "No." "No whatl" "Ne
beans" says Johnny, solemnly, pretend
Irg not To understand what is desired
Competition-First small boy: "We've
got nicer dinner than you. We've got
a guinea hen YAH" Second small boy:
q And we've got guinea pig Yah J"
Tie climax of absent t-mindedness-TO
suppose that You have left your watch at
home, and pull it out of your pocket to see
if You have time to go back and get it. =
.'The mills of the gods grind slowly"
This is all because the hands are paid by
the day. Will the gods never learn that
il is to their interest to let out work by
contract
There are three handsome lady physi-
clans in Aurora, Ill. and 1t Is quite COM
mon to hear citizens say =: 81 don't feel
very well guess I'll step over and see
the doctor"
We know a girl W no will wrestle with
croauet mallet in the hot sun for hours
and not complain. But Just ask her to
hold on to the wooden end of broom for
few minutes and she II have tit.
The little one made beautiful answer
without knowing it. :" What : kiss such
a homeiy man as papa :" said the mother
in fun. "Oh, but papa is real pretty In
his heart" was the reply.
"Did you observe the Fourth r. asked
Judge Wilson Of a man sitting Oh the
prisoners bench, with both eyes tied up
AZ did," replied the individual, and
hayn't been able to observe anything
since.
After you've tried few times, you'll
find it out that it isn't judicious to give
the nan across the table the point of an
excruciatirgly funny story just as he has
filled his mouth with hot coffee.
idgety maiden Lucinder,
Poked her head ont the open car winder,
And when she drew back,
Struck the sash with a whack
Having caught in her eye loose cinder.
Il is said that a young man at Saratoga
who seemed deep In love, last summer,
with young lady Of golden tresses, this
season brushes brown hair off the lapel of
his coat This doesn't indicate fickleness
50 much as an activity in the hair trade
4 suitable and smart reply: Young
Vicar (facetIously): "Well, John, how
smart you are this morning who gave
you tie new clpttesl" John (laughing):
1; Ees, sir, the same as gave you yourn-
the parish, sir" Vicar retires somewhat
discounted
Julia and Pauline, fgurantes at the
theatre. have little tiff. II hate you
so, you mean thing" said Julia, '' that |
wish you hadn't brooch 10 your back
" And l hate you So retorts Pauline,
'' that if you were drowning before my
eyes / wouldn't lift my little finger to
give you cup Of cold water-there :"
He had Just landed from three years
Whaling voyage, and overcome by his Joy
ful reception, found himself before the
police court "Your honor" he said,
plaintively, Sim a simple sailor, loWiy
born" "Thirty days for the drunk, SIX
,aanthS for pinafor.. !, - vas the Cng1ng