The Lake Charles echo. [volume] (Lake Charles, Parish of Calcasieu, La.) 1876-1898, 1879-02-22
SOCIAL yENTRMoQUIsT.

@sS ct~aAh fSas&A@04 t@<ns 40 W fs*1 1AsO
most dangerous and devastating of all
social pests. The man who plays the
cornet or the ACCORDION, or even the un-
speakable wretch who performs on the
banjo, can be detected and Stunned. He
carries his instrument of torture with
him, and, like the rattle of the rattle-
snake, it gives timely warning of his
presence. But the, social yentriloquist
resembles the silent and stealthy copper
head. You may sit close beside him for |
an hour without the slightest apprehen-
sion OF danger, and at the end Of that |
time he may rear his awful crest and |
disclose his true character. No place is
safe from his inroads. While he particu-
larly affects evening parties, whether of
tea, dinner or dancing character, he has
been known to penetrate into prayer
meetings, and to hold conversation
with hypothetical and hardened sinner
concealed in the chimney. An ire
proachable theological student was once
undergoing marriage with young lady
in crowded church, when biasphe-
nous social ventriloeuist, who hadstolen
into the building, made him apparently
reply to the question whether he would
love, cherish and protect his bride: "If
don't, gol darn me-" Whereupon the
ceremony was Indignantly cut short by
the officiating clergyman, who left the
bewildered pair only half married, and
refused to listen to any explanation.
We all know by sad experience the
gloom which falls upon an unprotected
assembly when the social ventriloquist
leaves his chair, and, proceeding to the
side bosrd, knocks thereon and asks
loudly, care you there, Uncle Peter7"
There is no escape from the wretchs For
the next half hour he viii take to him.
self seven or more imaginary idiots more
idiotic than himself, ::and converse with
them in tones that would loosen the back
teeth and palsy the hind legs of an army
mule. "Uncle Peter" In the side-board
will be followed by "John /" in the chim-
ney, by "Mrs. o'Flansgan " in the cellar,
by Little Jimmy" in the closet, and
by "Old Mr.. Perkins" In the garrett.
Then will come the conversation with
the policeman in the garden, whom the
social yentriloquist will address through
the open window, and who, with mad
dening disregard Of probability, will be
/, made..to arrest twosnoisy Irish burglars.
, After the final negro in the bookcase has
ended his complaints that he is sitting,
and his protests against being poked with
the yentriloquist's cane, a series of OBJ
jectionable beasts and insects are brought
7 out. There is the pretended fly that
buzzes on the window the imaginary
mosquito that bites-also In imagination
1.-THE yentriloquist's nose the libeloui
dog that disgraces his kind by barking
outside the window as no decent dog eyel
. barked, and the preposterous and impos
sible cat, who news from her alleged
/, confinement In the coalscuttle. Al
Q this time the unhappy audience sits and
= suffers. For any one te leave the room
Q or to drown the miscteaIts voice b,
. loud talking would be the height Of rude
1 ness to the host or hostess, and there !
nothing to be done but to remain quie
1 and to soothe the mind byspicturing tn
Is yentriloquist covered with blazing kero
sene, or exposed, naked and bound, +
n the assaults Of an array of Central Afr
y can ants. Unfortunately, it is only i
|, imagination that justice thus oyertake
IS the ventriloquist A stupid and heart
q less law protects him from summary ven
q geance, and there is little doubt tina
rs were man to shoot yentriloquist eve
in the very act, he would be indicte'
Ie and subjected to Q good deal of annoy
TT ance before securing formal acquittal
% No one can read without feel:D
9, stronger, purer and better, the story {
TX the social ventriloquist OF q Californi
st town upon whom unexpected retributio
~ recently fell. This monster bad pecu
IN liarly atrocious way Of varying the orde
a Of the programme, 20 that" Uncle Peter
n. would sometimes howl from the distar
n, garnet, or "Mrs. O'flanagan r woul
"a express her views on Cinnamon from II
on recesses Of the piano This added :