The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-01-24
VARIETIES.

An old hunter said "I've known
great many foxes to grow gray, but never
knew one to grow good"
When you are in Rome you may do al
Rome does, but when the times get tight
don't you get tight as the times do.
"A Portland sheriff has lost his eye
while knocking the bung from barrel Of
whisky. Not the first time that whisky
has bunged mans eye Boston Com. Bu5
letin.
joy is q shy bird, but when man
comes unexpectedly upon two dollar bill
in the pocket of an old vest laid aside la st
winter, it flaps its wings and crows as
loud as anybody's chicken.
Benjamin Franklin occasionally STUN
bled upon the truth. He said: 1.-THE eyes
of other people are the eyes that ruin us.
If all but myself were blind, I should
neither want fine house nor fine furni-
| ture"
~ am home missionary" once observed
a Christian mother. "Six pairs of little
eyes are daily watching my looks as we'll
as listening to my words and l wish my
children never to see in me that which they
may not initiate"
-"IIow on earth do you manage to get
along so well thought that only three
| or four years ago you were head over heels
in debt" "Oh, those were old debts; 1
| never pay old debts" "But your new
ones9 ?" 81 let them get DID,"
An idle young man was complaining
to a prosperous friend that, although he
had tried his luck in all sorts of fairs and
lotteries, he had never been able to draw
anything. Indeed" said his friend
well suppose you try a hand-cart9 You
can draw that"
-"Prisoner- at the bar" said the Judge,
sis there anything you wish to say before
sentence is passed upon you9" The prison
er looked wistfully toward the door, and re-
marked that he would like to say "gond
evening"" if it would be agreeable to the
company. But they wouldn't let him.
Burlington IaaokeVe.
1t was very honest old Dutch Judge
in Schoharie county who listened for sever
al hours to the arguments of counsel and
then said: "Dis case has peen ferry ably
| argued on both sides, and dare have peen
some ferry nice points of law brought up.
l shall take dree days to consider desc
points, but I shall eventually decide for
de plaintiff"
AS you pass along the street you meet
with familiar face, say good-morning as
though you felt happy, and it will work adj
mirably in the heart of your neighbour
Pleasure is cheap who will not bestow it
liberally9 If there are smiles and sunshine
all about us, let us not grasp them with a
miser's fist, and lock them up in our hearts.
Rather let lis take them and scatter them
about US,
"A stupidlooking countryman halted
before blacksmith shop, the proprietor of
which was forging shoe, and eyed the
performance with much interest. The
brawny smith, dissatisfied with the mans
curiosity, held the red-hot iron suddenly
under his nose, hoping to make him beat
hasty retreat. "If you give me a six
pence will lick it," said the countryman.
"I'll stop the braggart's jaw" thought the
smith, as he took from his pocket six
pence and held it out. The countryman
quickly grabbed the coin, licked it, and
walked away whistling. "Did you ever
catch weasel asleep"
The other day Detroiter, who has a
SOOu iCCoiu VI oCiNiCe luOh dOWu ulS
revolver to shoot a cat which had been
hanging about the house. After looking
at him while he fired six shots, the cat
walked away. While he was loading up
for some more destruction the shooters
small boy inquired "Father did you
ever kill any one while you were in the
army9" 81 suppose SO, my son." After
a long pause the boy continued "Tben
you must have got near enough to hit 'em
with an axe, didn't you2" 1t was then dis
covered to be about school time.
"A we'll known German florist related, in
high state of irritation, his troubles in
this way: ~ have so much drouble wild
de ladies when dey comes to buy mine
rose; dey wants him hardey, dey wants him
doubles, dey wants him moondly, dey
wants him fragrand, dey wants him nice
goulor, dey wants him eberytings in one
rose. hope am not what you calls one
uncallent man, but I have sometimes to
say to dot ladies, Madam, 1 never often
sees dot lady dot was beautiful, dot was
rich, dot was good-tempered, dot was
| young, dot was clever, dot was periectons
| in one ladies' l see her much not |"
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