The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-02-20
JOHN PHOENIX AND JEFF.
DAVIS.
New st"ry Told of the Gr~atess ef
Americas m umo rists

A New stcry Told of the Gr-ase,s Of
Amertcaa m umorists-
A New York correspondent of the
indianapolis Journal gives the following
interesting "reminiscences of the late John
Phenix--Lieutensnt Derby, OF the U.
States army.
When Frank Pierce was President,
JEFF. Davis, then secretary of war, is
sued 8 general invitation to oAcers OF
the army who were skillful draughts-
men to send in suggestions for the new
uniform which it had been decided to
adopt. One such invitation was sent to
each officer. Lieutenant Derby was
very ready with his psn--s really inge-
NOUS artist. In reply he sent to the
war department design for new uni
form--or rather a peculiar addition to
the old uniform--the amendment con-
sisting merely of q ring attached to the
seat of the trousers of each private sol
der. Each officer WAS to carry, instead
of sword, long pole, with hook in
the end like shepherds crook. The
pole and the ring enabled officers to keep
the privstes from running away in battle.
Fugltives could easily be caught BY it
and brought back. Stragglers could be
kept in line. Moreover, the ring would
be very useful in the cavalry service to
issten soldiers to the saddle to prevent
them from falling of and in the artil-
lery service the rings were to be used for
drsught purposes in the absence of
mules.
These specifications were accompanied
by the most grOtssques pictures, repres-
enting officers hauling back cowHdly
recruits by the servicesble ring, cavalry
securely fastened to the top of their
steeds by the same device, and artillery
men harnessed to cannon, drawing them
through narrow defiles, or up an ACTIVITY
inaccessible TO mules by cables attached
TO the pOsteriOr staples.
On another sheet of bristol board was
An illustration in gaudy coIors OF Der
by's Rotary Mule Howitzer," ACCOM-
panied by the following description
Upon the back of young and vjgilaHt
mule, strap mountain howilzer, the
muzzle pointing toward the tail. A
similar piece of ordinance is fastened
with iron bands under the animals alb
dOmen, the muzzte aimed between his
iorelegs to the front. There Sre four
gunners, two to each piece, and "per-
suader," as he is called, whose business
it is to persuade the mule to stand firm
ard not retreat, by stufing him with
osys, sitter each discharge, with a tin
sausage-stufer. When Ind ans, or other
legitimate game, appear in view, the
mule Is, by crank movement on the
tai, limbered to the front It don't
matter which way the mule fee, land
here is where my patent comes in). one
gun il always pointing towards the front
At the command Fire . The top houit-
zsr ia discharged. The recoil throws the
mule on his back, bringing the second
gun into position. This 5 discharged.
which suddenly throws the mule 10 his
feet again. when the gunners s"sb out
the mules throat with hay and1elOad.'
The accompanying illustrations lin
brown, red, blue and gold. and still on
Gle in the War dspsrtAent) rsprsssated
the rotary mule in seven different stti-
tudes, LOOKING c,ntsntsd and happy all
the time.
This wss felt to be outrageous sxda-
city on the part Of a subaltern. Ths
clerks in the war department laughed at
the funny letter immOderately, tut their
superiors looked serious. Jefferson Davis,
the head OF the department, was terribly
indignant, and he resolved! to defend mis-
wounded dignity. Charges and specifca
lions were drawn up against Lieutenant
Derby, and the officers were sctuslly
named for his. .court-rnartisi, when VIM.
L. Marcy, secretary of stste, said to the
irate secretary: Now, see here, Gen.
Davis; dCn't do it. This Derby has un-
doubtedly superhuous development of
humor. But he is shrewd ard ingenious,
and really a fine drsughtsmSn. Re has
valuable qualities. You can organize q
court that will convict him, but yOs will
be & butt OF ridicule on account OF it all
your life. Better file the Suggestions Of
the crook>snd.ring and the lively rotary
mule, and ssy nothing" And he did.
Glucose Honey.