The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-08-14
NTha SYndicatl

"The SyndicatG ~
Some of the abIest Democratic Reform States
men of the good city of Jackson resolved them
selves into syndicate, deriving its powers di
rectly from, and working in the in nterest of, tn
poor, tax-ridden and oppressed people of thes
United States. These Sovereign States hav
been struggling for many years with giganti
debt, contracted by an unholy war between
sister States-a war of coercion because some o
these States attempted to exercise their SOW
ereign powers and break up the "Confedera
tion."
For years, different Administrations, with
different men at the head of the Treasury De
partment, have been wrestling with inancia
schemes looking towards the wiping out of this
great debt, but all have been 1aboring in the
dark-none have understood the true principles
of finance Finally John Sherman, by his ru-
inous policy, has made greenbacks SO high
priced that you cannot buy greenback dollar
now for less than dollar in gold.
Such things must not be. The business inter-
ests of the country cannot stand it. Gen. Ew-
ing has cast some faint rays of light over the
financial gloom, but the furnace-hearths still
remain cold-the "wheels of industry" are still
clogged. So our Jacksonian financiers, being
out of other employment have concluded to
devote their energies to the improvement of
the finances, and the payment of the National
| debt
| The first meeting called to order by Col.
Mulberry Micawber, who nominated "the How
| ard'' for permanent Chairman. Spike-nose
Bill was made Secretary. "The Howard, after
opening with prayer, assumed the duties of the
Chair. Financial views were then called for,
and all eyes turned expectantly towards Col.
Mulberry Micawber.
"My friends" said the Col, raising himself to
his full height sit ith my opinion that there
ith only one way out of thith financial dith-
treth-that ith for the General Government to
suppreth all National Bankth, and ithue four
billion dollarth in green backth."
Here Long Ed. solemnly arose and inquired
what provision the Col. would make for the
redemption of the greenbacks. He was prompt
Iy called to order by the Chair.
The next speaker was Lewis the Sleepy. He
He had studied the matter thoroughly, and
had arrived at the conclusion the only way out
of our financial difficulty was to call in all the
the bonds, and when bond was presented,
give the holder due-bill on the Government
Printing Office, where the Government Printer
should start the press and print enough green
backs to pay it of. In this way we could keep
even with the debt. and pay the bonds as fast
as they were presented.
Long Ed. was on his feet in an instant.
"Suppose," said he "that the bondholdah re-
fuses to take greenbacks foh his bonds-what
ye goin' to do?"
But the Howard decided that such questions |
must not be admitted into the discussion of a |
great financial policy.
The Learned Shoemaker was the next speak
er. az Think said he, "that money might be |
made plentler, if the Government would put in |
circulation three billions of dollars in gold"
"Whar ye goin' to git yer gold"
But the gavel of the Chairman came down
with whack, and Long Ed. subsidized.
Rio Sandy took the floor and furnished this |
plan "Let the Government
call in all the bonds, and pay them off in
Notes, having on their faces stipula-
ion that they are to be cancelled at the end of
i've years.
The tall form of Long Ed. was seen to loom
Up to its fullest height. The Chair recognized
him.
"My friends said he, Gas this is an organiza-
ion havin' foh it's object the improvement of
he financial condition of the country, we
should act wild great deliberation, as well as
consistency, an would suggest that we have
ourna1 KEEP in which the proceedins of ouh
neetins be recawded. The necessary books
AN be had foh about five dollahs. I'll give foah
IN an half of it-who'u give the tother fifty
,ents?'
But Immediately there arose yells of Down
With books !" "Away with records !" General
8luster arose and remarked that he'd be blest
l. any man ever got Min OH lu0 TecOIu dHdlus |
rhe Learned s. arose and stated, result of
lis observation, that the best thing to do with
ecords was to burn them. Lewis the Sleepy
vas quietly doing in his chair, and Bill was
Vigorously chewing his lead-pencil to keep
rom laughing.
"Well, well !' said Long Ed, "ef you can't
Yeah to have youh views on recawd-and moh
pecially eff you can't raise fifty cents, I'm of
opinion that you better not pay off the National
'oical grin, sat down.
At this point, Col. Mulberry Micawber arose
nd remarked that the subject matter under
discussion was of too grave nature to permit
ny trifling, and he hoped the gentlemen
would work harmoniously in the great cause of
financial reform.
Here a young Democrat from the East re-
marked that Col. Micawber was such an idiot
N the subject of finance that the little boys in
he street were laughing at him.
The Col. hew into great rage, and advanced
N the young man, but "Bandy the Short"
ushed between them, shook his cane and
houted "Py shiminy, shentlemen, dis wont
o!"
Then the learned S., who had been savagely
ying Long Ed. for some time, sprang to his
eet, and fairly yelled:
"What do you allow that - cold backed
7irginian to attend your meetings for? He's
py-he's no Democrat"
Here Long Ed. slipped in the remark that he
lad shouldered his musket and fought for
Democracy, in the times that tried mems souls.
his threw the Learned s. into terrible rage.
'eeing how things were going, the Howard SOL
mnly arose, and slowly and impressively
troking his beard, shouted:
Friends, let's pra-'
But at this point Long Ed. jerlxed the chair
rom under Lewis the Sleepy, the Col. elevated
lis tooth-pick at an angle of forty-fiYe degrees,
nd "slid out" the Learned s. got peanut
odged in his gullet and rushed out to the
Jump, Big Sandy spasmodically grabbed at a
pittoon, Long Ed. and the Howard " lit out" at
he front door, and our reporter concluded
hat it was about time to go.
When the "Syndicate' holds another meet
ng, we hope to have reporter on hand, and
hus keep our readers fully posted on this great
uestion of financial reform.
Didn't Know He Was Married. :
A few evenings ago, some friends, hearing of
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