The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-09-11
FACTS AND FANCIES.
What makes life droary is the want

The man who goes down cellar 10 cool
OF pleases the mixer Of cough medi-
cines.
Scandal mongers may learn this les
son from the frog; Once oyerpassed the
season Of his adolescence he gives up
tail bearing.
A bankrupt was condoled with the
other day for his embarrassment. oh,
I'm not embarrassed at all, said he; its
my creditors that are embarrassed
The maddest man in seven counties is
the farmer who worked like a hero 10
save a drowning man, only 10 find that
he had rescued a lightning.ro rod agent.
There is an alarming drought in Texas.
AT Corpus Christi, all last week, fresh
water was sold at twenty-five cents a
bucket, the demand being greater than
the supply.
Boy Ito gentleman, who has not given
him a reward for carrying his portman-
teau)-'An' please, sir, what must 1 say
il any one asks me how much I has to
thank you for2'
The French chamber Of deputies has
passed a bill 10 transform the ruins of
the famous palace OF the Tuilleries,
burned during the commune, into a
pleasure garden.
The amount Of national bank notes
redeemed at the treasury during the fs.
cal year just closed, on account of fail.
ure, going into liquidation and reducing
circulation, is 1896, 467.
Learn in childhood, If you can, that
happiness is not outside, but inside
A good heart and a clear conscience
bring happiness, which no riches and
no circumstances alone ever do.
The trustees Of Westinghouse Head.
quarters at Newburg, N. Y, have pur.
chased the gold watch which the father
Of his country gave Martha GUSTS on
their betrothal, and which she always
carried.
One Of England's prominent journals,
discussing Canada, says that country
needs new life, fresh impulses and in.
creased population, and thinks il would
be benefited by annexation to the Uni.
ted States.
Minister Lowell finds his position a
very ~unpoetical one. He says his chief
business at Madrid is to tell people
when the museums are open, what thea.
tiers to go to, who are the best milliners
and t%ailors, and when presentations are
to be made at court.
The fund raised for the widow of
Lieutenant Benner, who died Of yellow
fever last year, has been so invested as
to yield her an income Of $500 n year.
In addition she has O fine home in Rog-
ers Park, Cook county, ILL.,, ten miles
from Chicago, paid for.
Mr., Bonner's wonderful horse Edwin
Forrest recently trotted q mile in har-
ness. on a three.quarter mile track, in
2.13i. An eminent authority, however,
does not consider ii so extraordinary a
feat as that Of the previous week, when
he trotted a mile in Q 10 with a road
wagon.
Robert Burns, son of the poets eldest
son, has just died in the Dumtries Hos
pital. he was once 4 schoolmaster, but
his school dwindled away till he had TO
take refuge i'll the poorhouse, from
which, about eighteen months ago, he
was transferred to the more comfortable
quarters in which he died.
When you see a young man attired in
a white flannel shirt, his face slightly
burned with exposure, and hear him
talk knowingly OF lib forests and run
ming under the wind and Stacking the
main sheet, it doesn't follow that he is
much of q yachtsman. The chances are
that he would be seasick on q draw
bridge.
A country paper says that one minis.
ter in that place recently said to another,
4 came near selling my boots to-day
The other marveled and made the brief
but sage remark, 'Ah.' Then seeing
that further comment was expected, he
asked, How was thatP' Then Parson
No. / sprung his trap, oh, I had them
half-soled.' Parson No. 2 is not expect.
ed to recover.
After the recent death OF Piute chief,
IN admiring Indian concluded to kill his
own squaw, so that she could accompany
the chief to the happy hunting grounds;
but the woman did not wish to be saori-
feed, and made her escape. The In
dian then seized a baby, buried il to the
neck in the ground, and stood guard
over it, intending to let il starve to
death. After three days the child was
rescued Dy white men.
They had an amateur brass band at a
funeral a while ago, and when they had
squelched out the Sweet By -and-by at
the grave. side, the minister in his adj
dress said that the deceased was in one
respect most fortunate in being called
thus early That was all he said, but
the mourners grinned, and the amateurs
think that blamed sarcasm is internally
out Of place at q funeral, you know
A celebrated English parsonage, now
in the House Of Lords, was telling the
present head Of the Napoleons a long
and exclusive personally political story.
The princa nj last. ful1 with a~;lanoa and