The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-08-23
FUNNYGRAPHS.

A DRUNKEN brawi may we'll be styled
a spirited contest.
Docs appreciate good care. If not
kept clean, they will flea the house.
The summer solstice is upon us; sum-
mer glad and summer sorry.-CancinnatI
Commercial.
A BIG head is no more an evidence of
brains than q paper collar is OF shirt,
- Waterloo Observer.
IT amt so mulch what man kan lift,
as what he kan hang onto, that shows
hiz aktual strength.-Josh Billings.
SMITH, the tallow chandler, says life
at the summer resorts isn't worth it,
scandal.-B0ston Transcript.
HEARING of a sunstroke, ST. Louis
Jockey pronounced it dead heat, which
ought to be run over again.
TALLY one for Darwin. Monkeys
swim as men do, with the side stroke,
not "dog fashion. "-PhiIadetphja Sum
mcr Item.
IT is common remark that a thing
well bought is half sold. Yes, boots well
bought are often half-soled.- Whitehall
Times.
A MULES head does not contain a
brain capable of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what ex-
tent the other end of his form can be
reared.
AN Albany genius calls new sus-
pender which has been patented "The
Conscience Suspender." 1t owes its
name to its extreme elasticity.-Albany
Journal.
SUBSCRIBERS are coming in at the
rate of fifty per day" said an editor;
and the rival paper explained that they
were coming in to order their papers
stopped.
YOUNG man, take az much interest as
you please in young lady, but don't
touch the principal if you expect to live
long and enjoy black hair.-N Y. Er-
press.
In one of the principal French seaside
resorts a landlord has put this announce
ment on his house: "ViIla to let during
the bathing season. The proprietor will
undertake to come and play cards with
his tenants on rainy days"
A PAINTERS apprentice fell of scat
told, with a pot of paint in each hand.
He was taken up insensible, but as soon
as he was restored to consciousness he
murmured: went down with flying
colors, anyhow"
A LITTLE girl, four years old, seeing
the moon one evening just as light
cloud was passing over it, said: go,
papa, / guess the moon is crying; see, it
has just wiped its eyes with its handker-
chief"
A MAN fell overheard from Sound
steamer one day last week. He was
thrown straw and rope, and without
moments hesitation caught at the
latter. Thus once more is a venerable
proyerb brought to grief.
THE Boston Commercial Bulletin says
{" Talk about Cleopatra's Needle on the
banks of the Thames! Just wait till
James Gordon Bennett brings back the
north pole and sets it up in Central
park. What's the needle to the pole?"
CUsTOMER-"W What did you think of
the bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr..
Wigsby?" Hairdresser-" Well, really,
sir, there was gent a sittin' in front o
me as 'ad his 'air parted that crooked
that | couldn't ear a word"
AN old gentleman of 81 having taken
to the altar a damsel of Is, the clergy
man said to him: "You will find the
font at the opposite end of the church"
s." What do | want with the font?" asked
the old gentleman. 81 beg pardon
said the clerical wit, 81 thought you had
brought the child to be christened.
WHEN young fellow arrays himself
in his best clothes and on his way down
town is for the first time accosted by the
bootblacks with "shine yer boots" he
may consider that he has crossed the di-
v ling line that separates boyhood from
manhood, and that is in order for him to
purchase meerschaum pipe.-Ne1O
Haven Register.
The game laws should be amended
some more. 1t is all right to impose a
fine for shooting game out of season, but
what is wanted now is clause inserted
to enable man to shoot game and catch
fish in season. We have found it easy
enough not to shoot game ont of season.
To kill it in season is what botbers u.s.
NorristO1On Herald.
A BAsHFUL young man could defer
the momentous question no longer, so
he stammered: "Martha, lido you
you must have-are you aware that
the good book says-er, says that it is
not gig good that m-man should be
alone?" Then, hadn't you better run
home to your mother?" Martha coolly
suggested.
WANTED PRACTICE-A physician,
having duel on his hands, requested
two of his friends to arrange with his
adversary the hour of their meeting.
Make it Tomorrow" he says, " but not
IN the forenoon, because / must visit
four patients before going to the ground"
L see" murmurs one of the seconds;
p" he wants to get his hand in"
A TEACHER, endeavoring to familiar
ize little girl with the various countries
of the western hemisphere, with little
evidence of success, finally asked: aft
| were to bore hole through the earth,
and you were to go through at this end,
where would you come out?" "Come
QUIT" replied the child, "Why, I'd
come out of the hole, Miss!"
=" Hi, waiter, I say, this is a paste
board lobster you've brought u.s."
" PastebOard lobster Yes, sir. You
see, sir, we have to keep Holsters in the
window, and in this hot weather they
would spoil, sir; so we have show lob
sters made of pasteboard. But / viii
get you real lobster, sir, if you prefer
it." The g if you prefer it" is in the
highest style of art.
SCENE: Academy for young ladies'
Pupils entrance. Lady principal: