, 1879-08-02
DiVcrSities,

things not 60 on so swimminsly with him.
Leadville has progressed so far in the line
OF civilization that walking matches come off
there.
What is to be done for man who has no
mind of his own, His wife should give him
a piece of hers.
In Nebraska there is laconic epitaph
over the grave OF citizen recently Deceased
-" He twisted : mules tail
"Oh." she said, Il think soda.water is
sodaiicious." He took the hint and soda
dime on the harvest field OF love
Susan B. Anthony says that the nights
We're made for cats, bats and bad husbands
Glad there ISM; any woman in the case
The brave man dies hut once. while the
red-haired youth with the black mustache
usually dyes once every forty-eight hours.
Nothing surprises a man more than the
shape of his head as he sees it for the first
time after his halr has been clipped close.
Emer;ck-No, We shall not tell you who
is the oldest woman in America ; we suspect
You want to get Us INTO trouble with Gail
: Hamilton.
Tramps would be more numerous than
ever were 1t not for the self-sacrihcIng wo-
men cf the land who marry and support
50 many men.
\ Chicago mans nightmare turned ont to
be the shadow OF his wife foot On the bed
room wall, instead of an unearthiy monster
with five horns.
Il should have no objection to my wife's
reigninS, saiI an atfectIonate husband, - Ii
1t were not for the fact that when she reignS
she is apt to storm also"
SAID the sheriff as he welded the two
foud hearts, What God has joined let no
man enioin which Vas satisfactory III
spite OF its :rregularity.
"Albanians In South AfI1ca, Is the head
ing the IryaS puts On the announcement
that Consignment of mulIs has been ship
ped from Albany to Africa
In a spi@itraIist meeting at 'WilIimantic,
Conn, man sat between two of his wives,
and i third was Just behind him. There
seemed to be no enmity in the party.
Since congress adjourned Washinsto has
become such dreadful dali place that mar
ried men are inviting their moiheIsiE-law
to visit them to keep them from dying OF
ennui.
charity Is sweet sixteen, but her voice Is
not sweet Quite the reverse Therefore,
wien Charity begins to hum, her older
sister cries out, ''Oh, do. stop that miserable
singing
The reason why Detroit woman got oil a
street car without ringing the bell. WAS be
cause she szw hex husband walking with Z
good looking widow, ana she he'd no time
for CerrEIon!-s.
The Cincinuatti Eaqz;rsr says that the
growing want of the time is an article of
hemp that viii hang u score or more OF
crazy " mprderers. But it is the want that
is growing, not the l~rp-
Somebody is Waiting ior Ne, was walled
ont 10y the man who had been to the lodge,
lost his night key and cJlild see the shadow
Of h:s uife's mothers night-capped head OF
the curtain of the sittinsr0om-
The Shreveport StrnFri says: God
will bless the maa who gives the editor
can,a!oupe" If the cantaloupe is rot ripe
the poor editor vii be iust as likely [" get
the cello as the dcaCr VII Lc to get bless
| M.
I'm internally disgusted with r.y wife
that's the long aud short OF 1t. " What's
wrong now Has she been kicking up any
new capers - mo; wouldn't stand that
but she keeps on repeating all her old ones.
We feel sorry to see so many gayly attlred
! brides summing themselves of All evening on
boarding house stoops. Give your wife a
! home, youns man, i it is only couple Of
l,.-.l,-,., l-..,-a .b.4
mother of idleness, gossip and discomfort
"How did you come to get married -
asked I man of very homely friend.
"Wen, you see," he replied. - after I'd
( vainlv tried to win several girls that wanted
finally turned my attention to one that
wanted me, and then 1t didn't take long to
Tx thin%s."
A pretty little maid hal petty little fan
She engaged in Irritation with AZ ugly little
man;
He won her young affections, which she gave
to him for life,
Bu. the honeymoon was busted By the feller's
other wife
! wife wanted her husband to sympathise
with Ler IN feminine quarrel, but he re
fused. saving: Il have lived long enough
10 know that one wOmrn Is as good as
another, if not better" And J.. retorteI
the wife. s.have lived long enough to know
that aae nan is as bad as another Ii not
worse.
On HONEYMOON .our, recently, the young
husband gong across from Dover 20 Bou-
Iocne. was suddenly very strange " Are
YOU III, love-" exclaimed the anxious model
wife. "Oh say, Alfred, beloved, are You
H.: He was AFRAID of being doubted: and
family replied. II think the shrlmps l had
for breakfast this morning must have been
alive"
Shyly he ben. DER TIE dainty head,
and. Wont you won't yoG
He softly said,
Rer,in, from the saucy miss
lust for the loan Of one sweet kiss
The maiden tossed her pretty head
And. "No, / won't yOC,
! She saucily said
| How foolish ne is - thought the htele mss:
| @He should not ask FOR, but steal, tie kiss
! SczSE IL A NEW YORK Police Court
/ .Yonr husband was arrested by an officer,
/ Mrs. Powers" sad the Justice IN Essex
/ Market Court to ! sad-faced little woman,
.on i charge OF cruelty beating yon- l
/ have sent for you TO make complaint