The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-10-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

A GENTLEMAN in conversation said
that his dogs were A /. Shouldn't they
have been rated X
"HALF a loaf is better than none,"
as the corner loafer said to a policeman
when told to move on.
WHAT did the donkey say Cor do)
when he first heard of the doctrine of
evolution? He prayed till he became
hoarse.
THE annual amount of pin-money re-
ouired by married women depends on
whether they use diamond pins or
rolling-pins.
BYRON once said of lady whose
tongue suggested perpetual motion to
every visitor that she had been danger
ously ill, but was now dangerously well
again.
WHAT have you been doin'?" asked
boy of his playmate, whom he saw
coming out of the house with tears in
his eyes. "Ive been chasin' birch
rod round my father" was the snarl-
ing reply.
A BALD-HEADED professor, reproving
youth for the exercise of his fists,
said: We fight with our heads at this
college," The young man reflected
few moments and then replied: All,
1 see; and you butted all your hair off. :"
A BRooM-HANDLE factory is to be
started at Dutton, Ohio. Dutton hus-
bands must pe pretty bad lot. If they
did not remain out SO late at night,
broom-handle factory in Quito would
not be necessary-NOrriStOi Her.
aid.
A TEACHER, endeavoring to familiar
ize little girl with the various coun-
tries of the Western hemisphere, with
little evidence of success, finally asked:
"If were to bore hole through the
earth, and you were to 60 through at
this end, where would you come out?'
"Come out?" replied the child why,
I'd come out of the hole, miss!
A YOUNG gentleman from st. Louis
was walking along the shore of Lake
Michigan with Chicago girl, when he
saw on the sands what he supposed to
be devil fish, with its long tentacles
spread out upon the submerged soil of
Illinois. He was awakened from his
dream by the young lady, who said 81
have just dropped my glove."-St.
Louis Republican.
WHEN young man has learned to
watt" says writer in the Boston
Journal, she has mastered the hardest
lesson" Indeed he has, and this truth
is particularly applicable when the
young man has called to take his girl
riding and she keeps him waiting two
solid hours while she fixes up Keeps
him waiting in the stable with a team
which costs him 81 an hour.--ROckland
Courier.
He is very small boy, just beyond
the limits of babyhood. His preco-
ciousness is well recognized by those
that know him, and sometimes people
try to corner him in logical way. The
other day some one took him up and
asked him if he was papa's boy. He
answered yes. Are you mammals boy,
too?" eyes" replied Charley. well,
how can you be papa's boy and mann
mas boy at the same timer" was asked
him. "Oh," replied Charley, indiffer-
emily, "csn't wagon have two horses?"
That settled his questioner.
"HERE we have a great Egyptian
wonder, captured in the wilds of South
Africa, with loss of 5000 men and an
expenditure of 100000 of treasured"
exclaimed the Snowman, shaking his
whip in threatening manner at
stuffed hide in glass case. Don't 60
too close" said a mother to a son, cit
might seize you." Have no fears,
madam, for the safety of your offspring"
observed the Snowman eloquently, "for
does not the good book teach us that
wonders will never seize? Pass rap
idly on to the next cage, and view the
living skeleton, or the man who married
his mother-in-law."
| THE FLY.