Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-11-12
FUNNYGRAPHs.
HARD to beat-boiled eggs.

NET income: That of fisherman.
OUR country kin, pump-kin.-Steubers-
vilh co., Herald.
j. ALWAYS have cabinet picture taken
the miniature ready.
WHENEVER the Parisians open a new
street they Rue it.-Puck.
Is through train a threw train when
it is thrown from the track.
Two lovers, like two armies, generally
get along quietly until they are engaged.
The car wears mail shirt. He ia
right; female shirt would look ridicu-
lous.
The only safe way to 90 up in bal
loon is to lie about it, and tell folks you
were up in one years ago.
THERE is story going the rounds
now about the finding of Columbus an
Choir.
THOSE hoo advocating fonetik sis
tenn ov spelling seem to want to institute
I" 60 az pleez orthografy.
A NEW filing of an old saw: "Neyer
lock up your horse after the stable is
stolen"
The proper form for will NOWADAYS
will read: "To the respective attor eys
OF my children give my entire estate"
SPRINKLING machines and Cinnamon
each have their uses-one keeps the lawn
wet and the other the laundry.-Neau
York Commercial Advertiser.
LAST words of Mr.. Gum, who logged
his son and was killed for it" Dear,
dear! didn't know Henry was loaded"
Buffalo EIapress.
! A LOGICAL DEDUCTION.-"I say,
Tommy, what does Parliamentary tea
mean" Dunno, I'm sure, unless it
means it amt first class.-Fun.
AT Logan, Utah, the other night a
Limburger cheese factory was strnck by
lightning and all the people moved out
of town.-Neao York Herrld.
THEY say tobacco ruins the teeth, but
we know an old gentleman who has
chewed it for years, and hasn't an un-
sound tooth in his head, nor one of any
other kind.-Boston Post.
"PooR mani" said the old lady, and
so he's really gone at last! Ninety EIGHT,
was he! Dear, dearl to think that if
he'd lived two years more he'd have
been centurian."
The price of bricks has doubled In
Boston since last spring, and when a
loafer feels like heaving one at police
man, a still small voice whispers to him
to count the cost-Detroit Free Press.
I" IT is a great man who can do justice
to his enemy" says an exchange, and if
we can get our enemy where there viii
be no one to interfere, well prove our
/ claim to greatness.-Bostoa Post.
"WANTED, boy with decided tai
ent for drawing ITO learn dentistry
~ Y Nems. If you should advertise
| for a boy "with q decided talent for
filing" you would probably have more
applications.
"MA," said little boy, looking up
from an illustrated newspaper, 81 wish I
was a little South African boy,'
"Why, George?' asked his ma. "Why,
cause their mothers don't wear slippers"
he feelingly replied. Norrastoun Herald.
A HUMoR1sT leaps gaily upon the step
of one of the gigantic omnibusses of the
boulevard and cries cheerily to the con-
ductor: " Is the ark full?'' "No, sir"
replied the jovial conductor, "We have
kept seat for you. What, ho, within
there! Room for the monkey, roomr Pr
Albany Argus.
A NEW patent school slate has rim
cushioned with rubber around the frame,
so that when the unruly youngster SHES
it st his fond teachers head, the slate
will carom against the intellectual
frontispiece, and return again toward
the belligerent boy. No family should
be without one.--Bdltimore Every iSatuT-
day.
"YoU see massa," said the old colored
laundress, " since dey's got desc here big
crayvats we don't nab so much to do.
De gemmen puts on big crayvat now
adays instead OBJ clean shirt. You
don't know much bout desc matters,
but if you take off all de crayvats in this
town an make de gemmen show up,
landsakes! you'd see de wust looking
white men you ebber laid yer Dressed
eyes on"
AN old commodore was spinning
yarn for the benefit of an old lady of
serious views, and arousing her sympa-
| thies by telling how the sea ran noun
tains high and taxed the utmost en-
deavors of the crew to manage the ship.
"Ah, but you see, sir" said the old
dame, laying her hand softly on bis,
"There was One at the HEINZ
"Lor' bless you, ma'aml" he exclaimed,
energetically slapping his knee, "some-
times there was five or six
The last straw that breaks the back of
your patience in the apothecary's shop
after the polite pharmacist has carefully
put your three cents worth of medicine
into ten cent bottle, wrapped it up in
two cents worth of paper, tied it with
cents worth of Irvine, ana used up about
five dollars worth of your time, is to
have him light small lamp, and use up
fifteen minutes more in sticking the par
eel together with sealing wax. Then,
having in half hour gradually goaded
you to frenzy, he blandly says, "Only
forty cents, sir"
Pity for the Poor Tiger.
TIE death is announced, in Paris, at