The Russellville Democrat., 1879-09-18
NO. 34.
Humorous.

| "A cloCh aHu DuSiHeSS tolibtih both have to be wound up when they run down. 7
 Why is hen sitting on . fence like cent. Because she has head on one side and tail on the other.
 Mother I heard sister swear. "What did she sayY' "She said she was going to wear hcr, darned stock ings tomorrow"
 A young fellow fond of talking, remarked, l am no prophet" "True," replied lady present, no profit to yourself nor anybody else"
 It's no use, said the boy. as he saw the old man coming over the fence with the oxwhip, I can'telope with that melon.
 ''Let girls be girls" is the advice at the head of T newspaper article. To be sure. It is well to allow the the original plan of the Lord to be carried out.
 The old goat tried to butt a cir cular saw, and the subsequent pro- ccedlngs were but trillle to what the bucksaw.
 People in Spain are in great doubt as to whether the King will die q natural death, be assasinated, or get married.
 A loving kiss will prove a key, sings some alleged human being, This will be cheerfully received by by mem who get home two hours before breakfast.
 A young gentleman advertised for wife through the papers and re- ceiycd answers from eighteen hus bands saying that he could have theirs.
 A young poet out west, in descri blng heaven, says, tits world of bliss, fenced in with girls" Where's the man that won't repent now2
 W0ineh with dut feet are poor houskcepers and bad calculators, and you won't forget it if you marry one. Choose wife with high in step if you want hard worker and @ shrewd planner.
 Green corn is making it's appear ancc at country hotels, and tho elo gant young lady is much disturbed by trying to decide whether or not it is proper to gram it from the cob. A lisping boy was out in the back yard pounding on q tin pan. The father came in tired and sullen, and bein disturbed by the noise, erred out: "What is turned loose in tho back yard, a wild animal?" "Ycth thir, it's pan thir."
 Beware of little thingsl A black soed not larger than the faith of Bob Ingersoll in tic inspiration of the Bible will grow an onion that may taint breath enough to break up betrothal, ruin a school, and shat ter the good intentions of sewing circle. 2f
 An old farmer intent on making his will was asked the name, of his wife, when he gravely replied; "Well, indeed, really don't recol- lect what it is; we've been married for upwards of forty years, and ] always called her my old woman" The lawyer left q blank to be filled when his old woman's name was ascertained. ...
 There is q girl in Troy whose lips arc so sweet that they stick together every morning by the honey they distill, and ahe cannot open hcr mouth until she has parted her lips with a silver knife. She will be D treasure to her husband, not only Gh account of her sweetness, but she can occasionally keep her mouth shut.
 How it does take one's attention from the sermon when one transfers q pepperment from his pocket to his mouth, and bringing his teeth together, finds nothing sweeter or softer between than that confonndcd collar buttonl And then fellow cannot properly express himself in church, you know.
 A lightning rod peedler was struck by lightning i'll indianaj while seat ed on his wagon, during thunder storm. talIino throunh the window