Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-01-24
F. U n !.

r. IL ~
THE GRANDEUR OF ANCEsTRY.-In
a letter to the Burlington ''Hawkeye''
Mr.. Burdette, the humorist, says:
Speaking of relics, just before we reach
ed Portsmouth a man entered into con-
versation with me. He said:
ssYou are from the West?"
murmured something about the Vast
illimitable, &C., and the man said:
'sYour's is a new country; new coun-
try; new country
Yes; told him, it was new, but it was
the only one we had, and accordingly we
wore it Sundays and week days alike.
worked and went to parties in it, and it
would soon look a thousand years old.
"We,'' the man said, s'come down from
the venerable mists of antiquity. 1t is a
glorious thought
Yes said, ''but it wasn't pleasant.
/ was in Boston four days and it east
winded and rained three Of them. 1t was
misty enough, but it spoiled the prospect"
my ancestors" he said, ''came over in
the Mayfower. But yours ?' And
he looked at me with rising infection.
I tried to STAY him with look of silent
scorn, but it missed fire.
ssYour ancestors, take it,'' said the
man, "did not come over in the May
fiower?''
And then I turned upon him. 'sSir,"
I remarked, ''this Mayflower, 1 take it,
was sailing ship.
s'She was,'' he said, valnly endeavoring
to stifie his emotion, ''she was sailing
ship
'sThen.'' I said, haughtily, ''most as
suredly my ancestors did not come over in
the Mayfower. It has never been the
misfortune of my family to be compelled
TO take passage on any ship of the mer-
chant marine. My ancestors came over in
a Cunard steamer, first cabin, no steerage
passengers carried, only ten days from
Liverpool, and the minute they landed in
New York they went straight up to Mrs.
.Astor's tavern, and took front rooms on
the parlor floor"
L L
I may be blessed if he didn't look as
though he pitied me.
His face was wreathed with smiles as he
walked i'm and called for a schooner. The
gentleman at the bar placed one foaming
before him, and the stranger remarked in
a kindly way, "Well, my dear friend, how
stands the record Of the dying year ?''
The gentleman grabbed the schooner and
said, ssSee here, you record five GENES or
skip.'' The stranger turned upon his heel,
and casting his eye upon him said in a
melancholy tone, SIS it possible? Has all
the poetry gone out of your life too, and
you SO young 7"
1t has been decided and promulgated, as
a canon of etiquette, that the stepmether
of a lance corporal Of marines is entitled
to the same relative social rank as the
mother-in-aw Of an acting corporal of cav
airy Also that, at all public dinners
when the marine band are invited
guests, the big drum shall take tile from
bones wife to the table, Washington
Post.
A plain spoken woman recently visited
a married weman and said to her, SHOW
do you manage to amuse yourself ?''
e'Amuse,'' said the other, ''don't you
know that / have my house work to do ~
eyes, was the answer, 81 see that you
have it to do. but as it is never done [ con-
clude YOU must have some other way of
passing your time"
SIS this a fair ?' said a stranger. stop
ping in front Of place where festival
was in progress, and addressing citizen.
"Wel,'' replied the citizen, ''they call 1t
fair. but they take everybody in" He
probably had invested in ticket in an
oyster soup lottery, and had drawn
blank.
Catching at straw Citrate (visl'
ting poor cabman down with bronchitisl
Have you been in the habit Of going to
church ?:' Poor Cabby (faintly) -''Can't
saw hev, sir; but eagerly I've druv a
good many parties there sir.''
.sWhiskey is your greatest enemy" said
9 min lister to Deacon Jones. "But," salo
ZONES ssdon't the Bible say, Mr.. Preacher
that we are to love our enemies - "Of
yes. Deacon jones' ;; but it don't say we arr
to swallow them"
s.Pants for $5?" said seedy-looking
MON reading the sign in the window OF
clothing store be was passing-"so 90 l.
never panted so for SIS in all nay life.''
And now if the milknen will turn oyer
a new leaf and resolve not to water wna'
happy year this will bel
Never play euchre with a one,armee
ION He always holds a ''lone hand, :
you know.
The general depression in trade seems N, IT, t.
affect even the days-thry are Sefy SLUT
lust now.