The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1879-05-10
Our Oliu.
UoUs1N SALLY DILLARD.
seene-A Court of Justice in North Carolina

UOUSlh SALLY DlLLARD.
Scene-A Court Of Justice In North Carolina.
A beardless disciple Of Themis rises and
thus addresses the Court May it please
your Worships, and you, Gentlemen Of the
Jury, since it has been my fortune (good
or bad | will not say to exercise myself
IN legal disquisitions, it has never before
befallen me to be obliged to denounee n
breach of the peace so enormous and trans
conding as the one now claiming our atten-
tion. A more barbarous, direful, marked
and malicious assault more willful, vi
olent, dangerous and murderous battery,
and finally, more diabolical breach Of the
peace has seldom happened in civilized
country, and dare say it has never been
your duty to pass upon one so shocking to
benevolent feeling as this, which took place
over at Captain Rice's, in this county, but
you will hear from the witnesses. The
witnesses being sworn, two or three were
examined and deposed--one, that he heard
tie noise, but didn't see the Rght-an-
other, that he saw the row, but don know
who struck frst-and third, that he was
very drunk, and couldn't say much about
the scrimmage.
Lawyer Chops.--I am sorry, gentlemen,
to have occupied so much Of your time
with the stupidity of the witnesses exam
ined. Itarose, gentlemen, altogether from
misapprehension on my part. Had |
known, as | now do, that had witness
in attendance, who was well acquainted
with all the circumstances of the cas- e, and
who was able to make himself clearly and
intelligibly understood by the court and
jury, / should not so long have trespassed
on your time and patience. Come for
ward, Mr.. Harris, aud be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat
chufy looking man, a "leetle' corned, and
took his corporal oath with an air.
Chops-Mr. Harris, we wish you TO
tell all about the riot that happened the
other day at Captain Rice's, and as a good
deal of time has been already wasted 10
circumlocution, We wish you to be as com,
pendious and at the same time as explicit
as possible.
Harris. Edzactly," giving the lawyer
knowing wink, at the same time clearing
his throat-"Captain Rice, he gin a treat
and cousin Sally billiard, she came over L
our house and axed me if my wife sh,
mought'n Mt go-I told cousin Sally Dillarc
that my wife was poorly, being as how sh,
had touch Of the rheumatics in the hip
aud the big swamp was up, for there hat
been heap of rain lately; but howsomeve
as it was she, cousin Sally billiard, m,
wife, she mought 60. Well, cousin Sail,
billiard then axed me if Nose, he moughtn
go. | told cousin Sally billiard that Nose
he was the foreman of the crap, and tn
crap was smartly in the grass; but how
somever as it was she, cousin Sally billiard
! Nose, he mought go"
Chops--1n the name Of common sense
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by thi
rigamarole? But go on with your story
Witness.-Captain Rice, he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard, she came owe
to our house and asked me il my wife sh
moughtn't go. Itold cousin Sally billiard
Chops.-Stopi sir, IL you please; W
don't want to hear anything about eousi
Sally billiard and your wife-tell US abou
the fight at Rice's
Witness-Well, l will, sir, if you wi
let me.
ChOps.-Well, sir, 60 on.
Witness.--Well, Captain Rice he gil
a treat, and cousin Sally billiard, she cam
over to our house and axed me if my wife
she moughtn't GO
Chops.-There it is again-witness, wit
ness, say, witness, please to stop.
Witness.-Well, sir, what is it yo
want2
Chops.-We want to know about tn
fight, aud you must not proceed in thi
impertinent story-do you know anythin
about the matter before the court?
WitDess.-To be sure l do.
Chops.-WiIl you go on and tell it, then
and nothing elsep
Witness.-Well, Captain Rice, he gi
treat
Chops.-This Is intOlerable May
please the Court move that this witnes
be committed for contempt-he seems t
me to be triiing with the Court.
Court. Witness, you are now before
Court of Justice, aud unless you behav
yourself in more becoming manner, yol
will be sent to Jail; SO begin and tell wha
you know about the fight at Captain Rice,
Witness alarmed We'll, gentlemen
Captain Rice, he gin treat, and cousi
Sally Dillard--
Chops.-I hope that the witness ma,
be ordered into custody.
Court, (after celebrating. MIR. AttoI
ney, the Court is of the opinion that W
may save time by telling the witness to Q
on in his own way. Proceed Mr.. Harri.
wi,b your story, but stick to the point.
Witness.-Ycs, gentlemen; WE'LL Car
tain Rice, he gin treat, and cousin Sail
billiard, she came over to our house. an,
axed me if my wife, she moughtn't 90.
told cousin Sally billiard that my wife wa
poorly, being as how she had the rheuma
ties 10 the hip, and the big swamp was il
the road, aud the big swamp was up; bu
howsomevcr, as it was she, cousin Sail,
billiard, that my wife mought 60. Well
cousin Sally Dillard then axed me If Nose
he mOughntt so. | told cousin Sally Dill
lard as how Nose, he was the foreman o
the crap, aud the crap was smartly in tn
grass; but howsomever as it was she, eou
sin Sally Dillard, Nose, he moughtgo. 500
they goes together, Nose, my wife an,
cousin Sally billiard, and they comes l.
the big swamp and the big swamp was W
as was telling you; but being as no,
there was log across the big swamp, an,
cousin Sally billiard aud Nose, like gen
teel folks, they walks the log, but my wife
like d--d fool, hoists up her petlicoat
and waded, and gentlemen, that's th
height Of what | know about the fight.