Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-07-11
Hawk-Eyetems.

There is one thing to be said in favor
OF the strawberry short cake the
berry department of the cake is never
half SO thin as the jokes that are made
about it.
Our brethren of the Southern States
cant mend their own levees, nor build
their own railroads, nor take care of
their own sick but they can build
more confederate monuments in o
month than we of the North could pay
for in year.
Edward P. Ingersoll, D. D., is one
of the contributing editors of the
Church Union. He is not brother of
the famous Robert, and it worries him
awfully to have good people, who are
introduced to him at sociables, look
shocked and hold up both hands in
silent horror when they hear his name.
They say that profanity was not
known in the world until one day,
somewhere about five hundred yea y
before the Christian era, when Aris-
tides, chasing from his Office in desper-
ate haste to catch the last street car,
was stopped 10y Themistocles, who
wanted to tell him how the rheumatism
had been troubling him nearly all win
ter and how many things he had tried
for it.
Some Indian mounds, supposed to
he three or four thousand years old or
so, were recently opened near Beloit,
Wisconsin, and the first thing the exca.
vators dug out, were couple of rail
road passes and an autograph album.
Thus we see the early dawn of remote
civilization mingles with the gray shad
Ows of the icons that-of the Hons-the
;pons-the gray shadows of the Rons
Eons. Gray shadows of the 1ons.
We think Canada is getting ready for
annexation. Some of the papers over
there talk about Lorne for all the world
as American papers talk about the Pres
ident, 80 uniformly respectful and su
premely courteous, you know. One of
our provincial exchanges gives the
governor merry old lightning for half
q column, just because he doesn't play
cricket auy better. Now, We consider
it President Hayes browning glory
that he never belonged to baseball
club.
"The first Napoleon" remarked Mr..
Middlerib, introduced into France
the manufacture Of beet sugar, and it is
to-day an important branch in our own
country" 'Yes," said Master Middle.
rib, in subdued tone of countenance,
II tasted some of it to-day" "Tasted
some of what?" inquired his father,
sharply. Beech sugar." said the boy,
YEARLY, and then he drew closer to the
table and sat more specifically on the
edge of his chair. And silence fell on
the family like a fog.
The king of Burmah is only twenty
years old and has been on the throne
but four months. He was one candi-
date among twenty, all of royal blood,
and he was successfully counted in. I"
But all the same, no man in all Burmah
dares call him fraud" and the only
members of the opposition who iuti-
mated that he held seat that rig htfully
belonged to another, are wearing
wrought-iron jewelry in stable not far
from the palace. When a man. gets
himself elected President of an Orien-
tai kingdom there Is no subsequent
nonsense about going behind the re-
turns. What is the use of being a
President if you can't club the implaca.
bility out of the man who says you're
not?
A young friend up in Marshall coun-
ty sends us a funny paragraph, to
which he aflixes the nom de plume " Ar
temus Ward" Now, it may be that We
are lacking in reverence. We have
sometimes feared as much, and some
times our friends have wept while they
told US our besetting sin was irrever-
ence. But we are not wholly irrever-
ent. There are some things and some
people and some memories that we do
revere,and if ever any man in free Amer
lea publishes joke wherein he brings
in the "Pinafore h. 9. gag and ties
Artemus Wards name to it, it won't be
in this department of THE HaUkeye. We
return the young man his joke, and ad-
wise him to anchor it out in the river
and let it soak over the next Presiden-
tial election, and as for himself, we
suggest O less ambitious nom de plume
until he has tarried long enough in Jer-
icho to let his photographic beard grow.
The second A. Ward isn't born yet,
dear young friend. When he does
come along, people will recognize his
star, without having his name stenciled
on it.
I own to peculiar carelessness and
forgetfulness in personal matters. l
grieve and mourn over o chronic ina
bility to remember names. some
times fear would forget my brothers
name, if it didn't sound so much like
my own. have sometimes, when on
the war path. forgotten my own. and
been compelled to write home to my
wife to ascertain what it was. have
sometimes been introduced to gentle
man, and then, before he could get
through with the customary introduce
tory remark about the weather, or how
1 liked the town, have found myself
wondering. wondering, wondering until
my head ached, what under the sun
was that mans name. Since my return
to my own peaceful fireside--I forget,
this isn't the freside season mean,
to my own protecting fly screens, l
have mr. rafhor tha mann ara Of nv