The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-09-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

now.
A STICK in time saves nine boys out
of ten. ....
A DEALER in futures-A professional
clairvoyant.
A CAMDEN chap calls his watch-chain
Music, because it has charms.
"FIRsT come, first surfed," is the
clearinghouse rule at Coney island.
MEMBERS of the Can't GETAWAY Club
wear sort of durn-yer resort express
sion. " s
The man who finds pocketbook
with cash in it does not look at a paper
for three weeks.
WHAT is an island? A body sur
rounded by water. Give an example.
A boy in swimming.
IT is strangely singular how much the
boy with pair of new suspenders hates
to wear a coat.
A NEBRASKA belle is engaged to marry
a Mr.. Lemon. He has promised to be
her Lemon aid.
A KEoKUK boy has named his dog
Rome, so that by simply twisting the
animals tail he can make Rome howl.
" Why" asks a newspaper, is in
toxlcation SO common in summer?"
Because it's sot weather we suppose.
A DEAD snake can be brought to life
with pint of whisky. You drink the
whisky, and then look at the snake.
ALFRED-Your poem must be laid
over, having some minor defects. For
instance, gorge does not rhyme with
morgue.
The fellow who dropped into chair
containing tack has been uneasy ever
since, and now sits down on the Install
ment plan.
" TALK about the jaws of DEATH" ex-
claimed man who had termagant
wife, tell you they are nothing to the
jaws of life"
"THE more shirtee Mclean man get
washee, more money Chinaman makee,"
is the way an Acknowledged Philadelphia
laundryman translates "Cleanliness is
next to godliness."
pardon me-" said Bob, when b
stepped on the girls foot in the dance.
Don't apologize" said she; "beaux on
the shoes are fashionable, and we can
stand anything for style"
"IF you want a pug-dog, madam,
what is pug" said a dog-fancier to a
would-be purchaser. "this here ones
the dog. Why, his nose is just a-turnin'
somersets atween his ears all the time"
" WHAT we want now," commenced a
confused and timid speaker at a meet
ing of debating society, "is-is-not
not so much what we don't want as
that which we most require" His hear
ers agreed with him.
WHAT shall [ leave you when I
die? said an insipid fellow to young
lady whose patience he had exhausted.
Needn't wait till you die" said she;
you can leave something now, if you
will" What shall I leave?" he
asked. Leave yourself" she replied.
He left.
"YoU love me?" echoed the fair young
creature, as her pretty head oiled the
collar of his summer suit. eyes," he
said, tenderly, ''you are my own and
only" "Hush" she interrupted,
don't say that-be original. That
sounds too much like Barnum's show
bills"
AT Saratoga: She introduced Mr..
Peters to all her circle, and when her
daughter Kate sweetly isped "Mithter
Peters!" he softly said: "Why don't you
call me Petep "Oh, not on so short an
acquaintance" she blushingly replied.
"But," said he ''my name is Peet, not
Peters"
A New YORK lady writes: of I
could have my way, every smoker should
marry smoker, or live alone forever"
Now, do you know that would be rather
a nice idea-matrimonia smoke, as it
were-one pipe with but a single blast,
two stems that smoke as one. Smoking
girls DESTROYS of getting married will
please mention the particular brand of
tobacco they affect.
In one of the primary schools of Sa-
lem, Mass, teacher was endeavoring to
ascertain the extent of her children's
knowledge of numbers. The question
being asked: Would you rather have
three paper bags with two oranges in
each, or two bags with three oranges in
each?" all but one little fellow ex-
pressed themselves as without prefer
ence. The teacher asked this pupil for
his decision, but he was persistent in
his liking for three bags with two or
anges in each, his reason, when finally
given, being: $50 could have more
bags to bust
GAME OF COURTESY.
A bashfullov tried TO WOO
maiden fair and slender:
She tr1fed at the interview
And scorned his accents tender.
Said he, aside: II will invent
little necromancy;
I'll launch at her compliment
To try and catch her fancy"