The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-01-03
What is Going to Happen thi, Year.

what In Going TO Happen this Year.
New York Graphic,
The year 1870 Is be a very happy one.
Any newspaper Uack.writer with fileof
his journal aud pair Of scissors can make
out a record OF the year that has passed.
But one requires peculiar facilities and
opportunities to tell in advance what will
he the events OF the year that is 10 come.
Colonel Bob lngersoll will be converted
by Mr. Moody and will conduct u series OF
revival meetings at Ocean Grove,
Joe Cook will lose the power OF speech
and become pupil in the deaf and dumb
school Of pr. Gaudelet.
Mr.. Dana and President Hayes will no.
come rcconCiled, and Mr.. Dana will accept
the position Of Minister TO berlin, Before
smiling for his new post he will take the 10.
tai abstinence pledge from highlands Of
Mrs. Hayes, and be decorated with the
Blue Nhhon of the Murphy Association,
Queen Victoria, Empcrors William and
Francis Joseph, the Gar, Kings IIumbert.
Alfonso and Leopold, and all the other
sOvereIgns, will form the Mutual Anti.As.
snssination Association Climitcd), CAPITAL
EIlO Is ID, and go to live together in the
Island OF Caprera, appointing Garibaldi as
Secretary aud Treasurer Of the COMPANY,
nj 4 weekly salary Of los and I'D.
Mr.. Gladstone and Earl Bcaconsfeld
will retire from political life and 20 Into a
t,I,
name Of "Gladd and DI11." They will
deN! chiefly in waste paper, and the ilnsold
copies Of their speeches and books will
form their principal stock in trade,
The Prince Of Wales will become tho
President Of the Society iOr the Prcserya.
tIon Of Puritanical Purity.
The Indians will be paid their anuuities
promptly AMI without cheating, the bar.
gains nlado with them will be faithfully
carried out and the foremen in the news.
paper Offices will distribute the standing
headlines, "Anothcr Indian Outrage"
Death to the Red Devils" and so on.
Theodore Tildcn and Mr.. Bcechor will
start a new family journa! Of a highly moral
character, entitled The Re. LHion. Mr
Moulton will he the manager and Miss
Bessie Turner will contribute art and the.
Atrial gossip.
Mr. Jay Could will retire from Wall
street, become lay brother in Trapnist
Monastery, give ali hismonOy to the moor,
and spend the rest OF his DAYS in silent
meditation upon the vanity Of riches.
MIR. Evarts will write anil speak in sen.
tcnces containing only five words.
Tho Washington Monument will he
finished
All the tramps will become industrious,
Woodworking and thrifty members OF 70.
clcty, and will contribute literally to the
snnds for extending tho work OF the for.
eign missionary societies.
No case will he tried in Anvof the courts,
The best pcws in the churches will be
reserved Tor the poor, and no sermon OF
more than thirty minutes will I've preached.
The English Parliament will concele
Home Rule to Ireland.
The United States Congress will do oil
IN It's power TO promote our trade with
Mexico, South America and the Fast,
Politicians OF all parties will keep the
pledges made before election,
Dennis kearncy and YWng Yang Wing
Will pool theil issues; Dennis will become
aControlling director in the Chinese Six
Companies and the Sand Lot people will
parade under banner Inscribed THE
Chinese Must Stav."
~ Perkins will tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing hut the truth.
The credit system will be abolished and
people VIII only buy and sell for cash.