The Osceola times., 1879-06-07
FACTS AND FANClES.
rdE WAY SOME EDITORS DO II

FACIS AND FANOlEos
TdE WAYS EDITORS DO IT.
The editor sat on thrss.lssssd stool
Upan the upper floor.
| And quickly grasped his best exchange,
| For he wanted column more;
| He stabbed It with his scissors.
| And stole the funny stun.
Ard whistled down the copy
| With all the crerits scissored OF;
Then placed his thumb within his vest,
Ana connivingly did laugh.
And said NY readers will never know
But What wrote that paragraph"
But the 6isus Bulge across the street
tAlthough It mays EN- strsnge)
Was out three hours In advance
Made up from the sane exchange.
-Waserss 0tswvw.
A PERSON may learn to play the vio.
lin tolerably by ear. but when he un-
dertakes to write poetry by ear, he In
vsriably stumbles. 1t only serves to
make his ears more conspicuous.
AN old bachelor, who particularly
hated literary women, asked an authoress
II she could throw any light on kissing.
81 could" said she, looking archly ct
him, "but / think it's better in the
dark"
"OH," said the afflicted wife, weeping
over his body, he said he would take
off his flannel anyway, and, poor man,
he little thought how soon he would 90
to that place where Aannels are never
needed"
A FOND mother, hearing that an
earthquake was coming, sent her boys
to friends In the country to escape 1t.
After few days she received q note
from her friend, saying: "Take your
boys away and send along the earth.
quake instead"
pears to take great interest in Mr.. Skib>
bens: "Oome, little pet, 1t is time your
eyes were shut In sleep" Little pet:
81 think not. Mother told me to keep
my eyes opened when you and Mr.. Skib-
bens were together"
LET US just whisper . word to our
young friends: Don't waste any time
'learnin' to write poetry" Become .
left-handed batsmsn. You can name
your own terms, and, by standing In
with managers Of the game, make more
money In a single season than the yearly
receipts Of any poet who ever wrote an
English verse.-[Toledo Blade.
otis said that absence conques love-"
quoted a husband, In writing home TO
his vile, from whom he had been some
time away. al hope, dear, 1t won't be
30 in your case" 40, no." she replied
In her next letter, "the longer you stay
away the better shall like you" He
had to take 1t thus smbiguously, as he
was afraid to risk asking an explanation.
RATIoCINATIoN Country Doctor
Did you take that bottle ol medicine
to old Mrs. Cambridge because 1t
was very mportant-" Surgery boy
-"Oh, yes sir. And I'm pretty sure
she took 1t STRIP Country doctor latter
pause)-" What do you mean BY that,
sir?' Surgery 10y" Well, / wee ths
shutters up at the 'ouse as l passed this
mornin,' sir !"
AS some lady visitors were going
through q penitentiary Under the escort
of q superintendent, they came to q
room in which three women we're eew-
ing. Dear me !" one Of the visitors
whispered, what vicious,l looking crea.
turesl Pray, what are they here fri"
Because they have no ether home !;
this is our sitting room, and they are my
wife and two daughters" blandly
answered the superintendent.
A RATHER Asshily dressed young lady,
in company with her mother, was COM
ing out OF church, and while walking
down the massive stone steps the old
lady slipped and went down headlong to
the Sidewalk. The daughter, horror.
stricken, hid her face In &25 handler.
chief, and, instead of helping her mother
she blurted out: "Oh, mother, such an
idea How could you fall herel I'm
sorry | came out with YOU"
DURING the Schenk beer trial, Just
concluded at New London, q rural juror
appealed TO the court to know 'it the
lawyers could not be stopped from both>
ering the jury" He had become be-
wildered In the msss of technicalities
and subtleties with which the lawyers
apparently mystifed the case, and he
cried In anguish Of spirit, "them lawyers
come here on purpUe w bother and con.
fuse us jurors, don't they judge r. ~
suppose they do, my friend" wearily
answered his honor.
WHEN asked II he was on bis wav to
Leadville, he said he had nsver bestu
of the place." and when asked where ho
was bound for he said: Back h, me to
old Missouri. left there just after the
war, when the reb, had every thing their
way, and went to Texas. But tother
day hearn feller read in a paper that
the thing was all right again, and tn t
the old bounty on wolf skelps had b,en
put back again to $5, and l thought
was sure OF living anyhow" Who
says there is no immigration TO Missouri!
Il Newton (Kan) Bee.