The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-04-11
Small Talk.

Hill Monument last summer says it is
the longest column he ever footed up.
A Sunday school boy, OH being asked
what made the Tower of Pisa lean, re-
piled, because OF the famine in the
land"
dem Englische vellers Wind oudt dot
Sout Africa wash leedle too Zulubri-
Gus, aindt it"
Puck wants to know "what will be
done with Chinese baby on board
ship, if the full complement of fifteen is
already on the list" Ask james G..
Blaine.
"What is the name of your cat, sir?"
inquired a visitor. ellis name was
William" said the host, "until he had
fits, and since then we have called him
Fitzwilliam!"
There was young man from Oris-
kany, who eloped with certain young
Miss Kinney; but her pa on their track
brought them back in hack while
the old mans alive they won't frisk
any.
The inhabitants of Madagascar are
dying to get hold of an American ship
captain, who has sold them ten thou
sand quart cans as a new kind of gun
powder. Their old blunderbusses
wouldn't go oil.
81 curse the hour when we were mar
ried," exclaimed an enraged husband
to his better half. To which she mildly
replied, "Don't, my dear; for that was
the only happy hour we have ever
SEEN"
"To fall in love with a plain-faced
but noble-mannered and interesting
girl has become one of the prevailing
usages of New York society,"" SAYS the
Home Journal. It's true, then, is it
that plain girls have all the money!
We cannot understand why dentist
persists in asking questions of a patient
whose mouth is filled with napkin, {
sheet of rubber, several clamps, three
fingers and that horrible instrument o
torture, the revolving drill.
A school girl of tender years thu
writes to bosom friend: "Dear Sus.
i shsn't attend school agin until Ge
some new cuffs, collars and Jewelry-
dear Mama agrees with me that il i
my Dooty TO take the shine of that up
start Mary Jones, and I'll do il if
never learn nothing"
Myrtle Blossom sends us a poem
called "Kiss Me Again" We wish
distinctly understood that we neve
kissed her the first time-unless the os
culatory favor was awarded in me
ment OF t-mindedness, and this
hardly possible. TNorristown Herald
A farmer killed neighbor's vicior
, dog by impaling him OH the tines of
= pitchfork. The owner of the dead an
NAL was very wroth, and demanded
. know why the farmer did not drive Ii
! dog off with the tail end of the fork il
: stead of killing him. "And why didn
: the dog come at me with the tail Ell
: first?' was the response.
o The other day, when house on Fift
street took fire and was saved by Il
v firemen in a damaged condition, the
0 set abut trying to discover the cause
a the accident, and in so dong que
IL toned various inmates of the famil
e The head of the house had his theory q
- ready.
e at is my OPINION he began, 9Th
II some enemy of mine climbed TO the ro
G anu emptieu UVals VI, the shinsies.
: The idea was laughed at and the wi
}, said:
2. "Well, there was lamp mp stair
!, but it was not lighted. Now if the ia
g got hold of matches and tried TO lig
It that lamp, they would Just as qui
q throw lighted match on the bed as
d blow il out. don't say they set t
ID house atire on purpose, but you kno
sr how careless rats are"
s, The theory didn't hold with the fiji
v men, and the oldest daughter was cali
as upon.
m az expect it was spontaneous col
TX bustion," she began. 'You see,"
Id my room up stairs, where the fii c bro
IN out, there was hole in the chimney.
r. didn't like the smoke coming in l
IS room, and so l stuffed the hole full
" straw. II may be that the straw a
lis the mortar and the bricks caused sp6
ne taneous combustion"
nd The firemen were about to accept
| theory when the small boy OF the ia
ld lily came up and said
ry 81 know all about il. Ye see, l
of Smith was on the shed a-heavin' sn
to at dogs. Tom, the feller wit h one al
ky was in the barn playim' with my GO
all That Turner gal she WAS on the fe
ed ont there callin' us names, and
ire mother had the clothes line, aud '
no tryin' TO lasso stick of wood o
art wagon In the alley. went down
me lar TO see il my mud turtle had
in away, and was jest tryin' TO set
led cat on him when l heard father
tn down stairs and mother give yell,
As that's how the house got afire, and u
for won't have TO go to school for
'ou weeks.-rDetroit Free Press.