Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-06-27
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K. assaulted by his tailor:
81 really cannot understand why you do
not pay me my little bill. You had a
good salary and it has been raised"
'sYes."
ssAnd you promised me faithfully that
you would pay me out of the amount you
saved from your extra allowance
s'Precisely.'
"Then you have lied to me, for you
haven't paid me the first red centime.''
''Not at ALL haven't saved anything
from my ex ira allowance-when I do I'll
pay YOU"
Jones-That's a fine horse you are lead
ing, Patrick; he carries his head well.
Pat-That's true, an it's grand tail
he carries behind him.
Jones-Behind him! Don't everything
that carries a tail, carry it behind?
Pat-No, yer honor.
Jones-No What don't?
Pat-A half penny, sure, carries it's tail
on one side and its head on the other.
A young man applied to his employer for
ashort leave of absence, who having his
OWE views Of business suggested, that he
might delay his vacation a few days. II
would" replied the young man, 'but the
fact is ana going away to get married,
the day is appointed, and I aUant to be there
suhen 1t comes off.
sWell, how is the spring trader" asked
gentleman OF friend the other day.
'sDry goods never brisker." was the reply.
''My wife shops all day, every chair in the
house covered with bundles, and I think
of sending my pocket book out Of town for
a change of alr-it's so very thin and
worn.'
George she said, to the persp iring
young man, II love you just the same, but
as our city relatives are coming next week
mother thinks you'd better stay away, be-
cause your long hair and freckled face
might make them think our acquaintance
weren't very heightened" The young man
is staying.
Stout chairman (who feels the fire close
at his back rather oppressive): Waiter,
I asked you to bring me a SCREEN" Wal
ter: Masters very sorry, sir, but we
amt got no screen!'' Stout chairman !:
'sThen, for goodness sake, tell the cook
to send up the dripping pan, and put it
under me, quick ~
At last it has been discovered ''how to
keep boy On the farm.'' The plan is to
kill him and bury him six feet in the barn.
yard. This rule does not apply in
Ohio, however, where body snatchi1g
makes it extremely doubtful where the.
boy would be week after burial.
sWhen was a boy" said very prosy,
long -winded orator to friend. 81 used
to talk IN my sleep.' s'And now," said
his friend, ''you sleep in your talk But
somehow that did not seem to be exactly
the point the orator was going to make.
John Smiths name has not been men
toned for the next Presidency. And it is
not likely that it will be, He is dead. He
recently died in Chicogo. two weeks after
he was lynched in Texas for stealing a
horse.
Elder sister Ito little one, who appears
to take great interest in MIR. SkiDbens):
"Come little pet, it is tt me your eyes were
shut in sleep" Little pet: II think not.
Mother told me to keep my eyes open when
you and Mr.. Skibbens were together"
A Western paper wants to know 'swhere
the next worlds fair will be held?" We
don't profess to know much about the
next world, but in these diggings Sunday
night is the favorite time for holding this
worlds fair.
''Is any one waiting on your" said the
polite clerk of one of our stores, to lady
apparently wishing to buy goods. "What
aquestion," she answered. "Why I've
been married these ten years.
When the contribution box passes up
the aisle, the man who hasn't anything
less than a dollar in his pocket, finds the
deacon such homely man that he can't
bear to look at him.
There is a man who says he has not slept
for fifteen years. and that he lies and
thinks all night. We can vouch for hisly-
ing, if for no other part of his story.
Uncle Jumbo was caught with stolen
chicken hid in his hat, and when asked
how it came there he replied: s'FOre de
Lord, dat fowl must crawled up my
breeches leg.''
ssWell, you own that she has got pref
ty foot, won't yoa?" Eyes, I'll grant
that; but it never made half the impress
sion on me as the old governors ~
The man who got into barber's chair,
pinned the newspa per round his neck, and
began to read the towel, may be called alb
sent-minded.
The newest dining tables are square, the
round extension table being Questionable
The new style is more appropriate for a
sssquare meal"
An eastern journalist, who is perfectly
bald has offered reward of $1,000
for a tale that will make his hair stand on
end.
A book just published is entitled "Say-
inqs and Doings of Great Men," We no.
tice that the "Sayings" have large ma
jority.
When man has tried everything, and
found it will not answer, let him go where
there's an echo and try that.
1u,., ;o n mon oh1iond tn keen his word0