Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-07-16
A RUINED FOURTH.
The Sad Ending Of Master ~Thlstlehum-
msr's PyrOteehnlc Display.

indianapolis News.l
Josephus Thistlehummer is q good
little boy, who lives on Christian avenue.
He has been saving money since last
Christmas until yesterday. He told
all the boys he was "goin' to have a
bully old Fourth-yOu betcher bootsl'
He kept his money in a savings bank.
The bank was tin, and he put the
money in at the roof. Tin savings
banks always pay out one hundred
cents on the dollar. Some other saw
ings banks do not pan out so well.
JOsephus held a meeting of directors
yesterday, and it was unanimously
resolved TO remove the deposits from
the vaults of the bank until after the
Fourth. Perhaps labor riots were
feared. He removed the nickel and
copper accumulatisns through the
roof by means Of a case-knife and a
two-tinsd fork. They amounted to
1891, which he put into irst-class
securities-rockets, Roman candles,
serpents, torpedoes, pin-wheels, crack
ers, etc. He took advantage of his
younger brother Sebe's (Eusebius)
absence to climb to the top of the
bookcase and put his p~yrotechnic
acquisitions there. In two minutes
he thought of a better place. Hide
'em under the book. case. His mother
will find some toe scratches on the
mahogany tomorrow, and somebodyll
get hurt. Then he thought of a tiptop
place, and took them to the kitchen.
He'd be up before daylight in the
morning, of course.
But the cook got up first. She was
up at 5 o'clock, and much surprised
was she to find the FIRE all ready for
lighting-stove filed with nice round
pine sticks and colored papers, Old
Thistlehummer was growing kind, she
thought. She touched the kindling
off with a match and began pounding
the beefsteak. The cat came iii from
her family of six a. the stable and
rubbed her side and back on Malinda's
ankles, her tail waving her spine grace
fully and billowy. She purred loud
and expectant. The fire was cracking
gleefully. Great gunsl sizz- whizz-
bang boom. The top of the stove
went out first. The cat bowled
through the window, leaving a strong
smell Of burnt fur trailing after her.
The hired girl ran on into the yard
ana went over the fence like a hurdle
jumper. Then she fell in fit.
Old Thistlehummer awoke and re-
marked to his wife that he 'sposcd the
BANKED idiOcy had begun. Then he
heard more, aud the house rocked like
a clnalboat ia a storm. Thistlehum-
mer is a brave man, but when he came
down stairs aud gazed into that kitch-
en- he was somewhat shaken. Rockets,
Roman candles, in-wheels, serpcnts
and ire-crackcrs were holding high
carnival in the sacred place, chasing
each other as it possessed. A sky
rocket had been impotcntly suffering
away in a corner, reused itself for a
final effort, and carried away two OF
the old gentlemal's front teeth (they
were false, though), and then gave
him a parting kick In the back, leaving
a permanent lumbagO.
They managed to save the rest Of
the house without calling on the fire
department, though the end next to
the kitchen was burned as black as
free lunch liver.
JOsephus will never forgive Malinda
never, "Nothin' but keerlessness,
says Master Thistlehummer shed
oFteF looked"
But Malinda is at the hospital, and
the cat, as she has never returned, has.
i is presumed, found another board
ing-house.