The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-04-10
JOE'S WIFE.

II write, my dear old chum, for the
purpose of inviting you to visit U.S." the
letter ran. "Don't refuse. Ny wife
heartily seconds the invitation. All,
Nom, she is jewel-my wife. I know
if you could meet such one you would
succumb and forswear bachelorhood.
She is the, dearest, sweetest, best tenn
pered, loveiest-the English language
fftls me here, but, as yeu were always
better than at the Unabridged I be-
sseech of you to look therein for some
en6earing adjectives, and complete the
sentence. You, who sing about the fe-
dicity of Bachelor Hail. when you
sllave seen my happy home will change
your tune. You must come, Tom.
wont take a refusal Yours, etc., .as
... "JoE HALL"
v answered his letter thus:
My DEAR JOE: I thought when l last saw
you / could never be tempted TO jeopardize my
peace of mind or my bones by again placing
myself at the mercy of your Internal practical
Jokes. But have no other recourse now than
sSo accept your Invitation. You must promise
1ne, my dear fellow, you will not play any of
your jokes A married man ought to be more
dignhied, and, if you do play any of your tricks
ON me, | warn you / shall board the first train
for home Yours, Tom THURsToN
& went. Twas met at the train by Joe's
servant, a man who had a long body,
dressed in a long coat, long waistcoat,
Song necktie, long hat, long boots, and
whose name was Long. I instinctively
hated the man. He scrutinized me
closely; I returned the scrutiny. He
watched my every movement like de-
stective would supposed criminals;
watched his movement as timid man
would g vicious CANNES. His voice in
dntonation was in length comparable to
the length of his body; my voice in
length of information when addressing
this man was comparable to the length
of the body of Lilliputian.
We at length reached Joe's house. T
anticipated Joes welcome, but in his
place came the loveiest woman ever
beheld. 1t is true, as Joe said, 7 was
always fluent in language, but to this
day l cannot find words to satisfy me in
describing her surprising beauty.
Joe, Joe" thought I, 1T is lucky for
you that you met her first" AZ S.
you are Mr.. Thurston?" she asked.
timidly approaching me, and shyly
gtancing at me from under her droop-
ing eyelids I informed her was that
parsonage, and inquired for joe
For answer that gentleman himself
jumped up on horseback, sprang from
sthe saddle, grasped my hand, and, like
sthe irrepressibletJ Joe of old, cried: Vi
Glad to see you, old boy! Well
lhave glorious good times as of old. Well
hunt, fish, smoke, etc., till you grow SO
Sfat, hale and hearty that your most in
innate city friends won't know you.
Come, let's goin, tea is waiting. Pardon
me for not introducing you, but sup
opposed you introduced yourself in my
absence. Apropos, it was inhospitable
@in me to absent myself on your arrival,
&but business called me away" ear:.g
SO rattling on Joe ushered us into
vfhe contest little parlor that ever poor
bachelor was called upon to envy. But
the eozy little wife? What was the
envy OF the room, with it's adornments,
10 Che envy of such wife? Must I
admit it'll may as we'll right here as
at any further period of my recital I
felt strange thrill at my heart. It
was thrill Of exquisite pain a thrill
of jealousy of Joe's happiness, ,.i,~ y.
%Joe," mentally. cried, ".better, far
better for me if I had declined your
invitation" 49, t,,olsgi bo. ri'n'.,
Presently we had most refreshing
supper, after which Joe and I stroled
~out for walkand asmoke.19 1e9W 0si
e]oe," exclaimed, enthusiastically,
your cncomiums of your. wife were
merited. She is indeed a treasure.
BY Jove, if could find such jewell
would never rest till / won and married
her" ,abr3,j .aiH 4a .u0l3nasD Z
Joe was on the point of lighting his
xcigar when began, but paused with
appraised match until 7 had finished
and the match burned his fingers. T
'Shought for time he was angry at my
simpetsaosity, but his face cleared away,
and the old wicked twinkle that I feared
SO much sprung to his eyes. He grasped
my hand saying: a.roGor 1hs
you're right, my boy; she's the dear
est little wife in the universe I'm glad
you like her." Jstna9 1oixer Gal
AFTER we had finished our cigars and
talked for some time of our old college
days, we re-entered the house,. sai Il q
Nellie, cried Joe, opening the piano,
favor Tom and me with tune. He
lfaas passion for music"
Perhaps Mr.. Thurston-" began
sshe, but was interrupted by Joe.
~No, Nellie, I protest! No mastering
saround here. It's plain Tom. Do you
hear, Tom? She's to call you Tom,
and you're to call her Nellie. Violation
of this rule will incur my eternal dis
pleasure. Govern yourselves accord
angly."