West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-09-06
Got the Collie ,tad.

TWO ucu mutcS who boarded an Eighth
avenue car at Thirty-fifth street, y. Y. d
good-looking young man and a pretty young
woman, made their fingers fly like knitting
needles as they talked" TO each other. and
their eyes snapped and twinkled as som,
happy or brilliant thought was thrown of
from their finger ends. A tall, lean man
with a western beard and ears was deeply
interested in the young couple, but his in
terest, judging from the expression of his
face, was of a gloomy nature. At last he
sighed, or, to speak more accurately. his
susplration took the form of half-suppress.
ed grunt, and turning to the reporter he
said
stranger, it's sad sight to see two
young bein's like those doomed To wander
alone, as you might say, through this world:
Tor OF course if they went hand in hand like
other couples go, they couldn't talk and
whatevei manual labor they may be dom
they've either got to endure solitary con
hnement, as 1t were, or else drop their work
and loaf"
ou wouldn't s'poSe | understood the
deei-mute language, would We i"'continued
the man from the West. ''Well. | do.
and can understand all that that Teller and
his girl are talkin' about. | don't feel
much sympathy for them either, on account
OF their intliction, because they're maxim
fun of the people i'm the car"
Inc reporter suggested that that was a
good deal like talking behind ones back.
II hat jest what il is stranger | know.
because I've been thar myself. | larnt the
deaf-mute language because il helps me i'm
my business of introducin' my artificial au-
ditory apparatus. That'll make YOU hear
talkin behind your back, no matter If
you're rs def as a bed-post. I've had some
right lariablc experiences with with this
here artificial auditory apparatus One
day | was navigatin' through "A village in
IN the northwest corner of Illinois and saw
the door of a little ranch open. Now, YOU
know, patent-right man allus goes into
the house If he sees door open, and if
there AIM any open he's sure to get i'm some
how. Wen, i'm the front part of this ranch
was baby rOflin round i'm a crib with its
lace lookin like dish of angle-worms and
cryin' enough to raise the mischief. But
the mother was sittin clus by the cradle an
"A miin like to split herself Saws l..
Madame, what on arth air you larfin at ~
She didn't make no answer, an she did not
know anybody cept her kid was thar till |
tapped her on the shoulder. Then she
looked up an | see she was def So
telegraphed u her an asked her what she
was lariin' at 80 hearty Why she telc-
graphed back, only TO see that dear littlein
nocent CROWN an larfn' The angels is
talkin To him, | do believe Madame.
says |, that baby is cryin hsself to death.
and he's got the collie bad What do you
mean z says She / pulled one of these
auditorles out of my pocket, continued the
Interesting stranger, producing one of the
~ ~.
ing 1t to the reporter in true western STYLE.
land clapped it into the woman's ear. In
second she bust out cryin'. BE cam.
says |, 'be cam. 'Oh, how can ~ saws
she This is the first time ever heard nv
blessed child cry. | amt ashamed 20 own
up that shed few tears of sympathy for
her. But when had sort o. collected my
self together again, l says, madame. all
you've got TO do is to give that baby a dose
of paragoric and not even this delicate in
strument will enable you TO hear his means.
for he won't moan. You'll save a doctors
bill, and this artificial auditory apparatus
costs only 50. She paid the 81 suddenly
and sioped, leaving her futur' very happy.
''But speakin' about talkin' behind your
back, he continued, II tried my auditory
once onto an old maid, who'd become deef
from years. Did | sell her an auditory !
guess didn't She said as soon as ever
she put II TO her ear it told her that her
niece down stairs was a-talkin' about her.
and that ii lied, for nobody never talked
about her, not even her niece, although she
was an impudent little hussy, allus runnin
arter the young men. | got out o. that
house almighty sudden, leavIn' the old maid
talkin' behind her niece's back"
The auditory man laughed and chuckled
and then said:
Now, stranger, Pm goin' to try my au-
dltory ON that young gal, and you'll see if
1t don't make her hear just as well as you
or me"
He then went over to the young woman.
communicated with her for moment i'm her
own silent language, and then delicately
placed the instrument i'm her ear. For a
few seconds she took the attitude of an
eager listener and then, dashing the instru-
ment to the floor of the car, moved her fin
gers rapidly in the face of her escort who
promptly signalled the conductor TO ston
the car. The auditory man, who had
jumped to his feet, stood looking after the
young couple, and when they had reached
the sidewalk he returned to his seat beside
the reporter.
'What was the matter with the young
lady 2" asked the reporter
That's where it is" said the auditory
man, soTowfully. 'Iu have TO get this
artificial auditory apparatus reconstructed
and toned down. It's too powerful. II
makes the least whisper sound as loud as
the roar Of a Maine stump orator As soon
as ever that air gal put il 20 her ear she
heard somebody up in the corner there
talkin about her an her Teller, and natter
ally IL made her mad. I'm sorry. She was
nice, round girl, want she and know
she'd have bought one If il want for them
fresh young fcllers chinuin about her mis-.
fOrtcwns
Ebonized Furniture.
Chamber furniture made of cbonizcc
wood in imitation of the rich "cbony and
gold more common in the Eastern iIemi
sphere, is quite popular, and there are few
fine furniture stores in This city i'm which
more or less of 10 is NOT displayed Some
superb specimens were shown at tine Me
chanics Fair last Fall and attracted much
attention. The process of cbouiIing wood
is comparatively simple and bias been de-
scribcd as follows The wood is first stain.
ed with "a dccOctian of lDuwOod. which may
bee purchased from any druggist 0r dea'c,
rr. FIr DO ID. d