The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1879-12-10
DECEMBER 10
VARIETIES

"If there's no moonlight, will you
meet me by gaslight, dearest Juliana?"
"No, Augustus, WON'T" she replied
II am no gas meter"
He said but little, yet as he gazed
on the mutilated edge of his best
razor he mentally vowed never again
to marry woman with corns.
Think not that pleasure which
God hath threatened, nor that bless
ing which heaven hath cursed. True
spiritual joy and pleasure come only
by following that which is good.
Two children were playing in the
sand together. The small boy said
to the little girl: "Do you wish to be
my little wife ?" The little girl after
rejecting yes" The small
boy "Then take off my boots"
didn't you tell me you could hold
a plow r. said farmer to an Irish
man he had taken on trial. BE aisy,
now," says Pat. allow could hould
it, and two horses pullin' it away?
Just stop the craytures, and I'll hould
it for ye." ..o
"What dogs are these ?" inquired
a gentleman of lad who was draw.
ing a couple Of terriers alone. Il
dinna ken, SIR" replied the boy;
"they cam wi the railway, and they
ate up the directions, and dinna ken
where TO gang"
Zone hundred and thirty.seven
dogs go to the pound" was the head
ing of an article in the paper the
other morning. "Sakes alive" ex.
claimed Mrs. de Flnky, when she
read it, mo wonder dogs can swim,
if they're as light as that! !"
A boy camel home with his hair
dripping wet, having just come out
of the swimming hole. He was
equal to the emergency, and escaped
a busy time with his mother and a
birch sprout by YEARLY wiping his
forehead and remarking, "It's awful
hot work hoeing down there in the
garden.
"Do you see here where you are
charged, sir, with being drunk and
disorderly ?" observed the Recorder
holding out the affidavit, just signed
and sworn to by the policeman.
tramp TOOK Jne SafIuavTt, read It car;
70 fully, upside down, and replied: "Ar
,e | to blame ri never, wrote that.
ID A minister once told Wendell
ID Phillips, that if his business in lit
:; was to save negroes, he ought to O.
it to the South where they were and d
is it. That's worth thinking of" re
Of piled Phillips, "and what is Your bus
e. mess in life 2" "To save men fron
e. hell" replied the minister "Then O.
N there and attend to your business
a said Mr.. Phillips.
d A young man dressed in the heieb
ct fashion, and with poetic turn @
mind, was driving along count,
road, and, upon gazing at the pom;
IS which skirted the highway, said "Ob
u how l would like 10 have nv heat o.
q head in those cooling waters p Al
i lrishman, oyerhearing the exclama
Il ton, Immediately replied: ."Bedad
7, you might lave it there and it wouldn'
Il sink"
Il An Illinois woman committed en-;
!, eide by hanging herself ON an appl,
! tree. AT the funeral, a neiehibor
! noticing the sad appearance Of The
! husband, consoled him by saving
? that he had met with bad loss
"Yes," said the husband, "she INNS,
? have kicked like thunder to shake ~,
six bushels of green apples, tha,
would have been worth dollar !
bushel when they got ripe"
Mr.. J. B. Ocott-with fpent
; tongue fabricated by the 0mairo W
fat OF coon meat, rich and racyn-.
ventures the suggestion that eff there
was any way to fence the 'yarmint'
in, and breeo a stock cheaply. corn
would pay better led to raccoons
than TO pigs, because, if once the an.
petite OF the market became addicted
to the delights of their wild fiesb
prices would go booming"
When the triangle had called the
meeting to order, Brother Gardiner
arose with his usual sickness and
said "Gem'len, if it wasn't for de
wheels on a wagin de wagin wouldn't
move. When de wheels am on, den
what ?" "Grease !" solemnly ex-
claimed the old man Toots. 'sK-rect!"
whispered the president, softly rub
bing his hands together. Wehez de
wagin an de wheels. We will now