Connecticut western news., 1879-12-31
WIT AND WISDOM.

to OutQr0SS AQObncAs ..r..
 A man remembered-One with wooden leg.
 A horse-pistol hardly ever refuses to kick.
 Little things arc often lmportant. What would forty-oent cigar amount to if you had no match.
 -"Thats what beats me-" as the boy said when he saw his father take the skate strap down from its accustomed nail.
 Note from the diary ot swelt-"l have observed that my habits are very elastic in one direction; l susSSeos could live up to almost any income"
 When Naomi stood up to get mar ried and the clergyman asked her If she was sure she was fourteen years old, 1t must have been terrible twist for her to admit t, at she was 5So. To succeed, man must have more than & single talent. The man who dis covers patent medicine must also dis cover a way to make people take It to secure fortune. ..' -.. These six-the peevish, the nig- gard, the passionate, the suspicious tee dissatisfied and those who live upon other peoples means-are forever un- happy Old Proverb. ...... They were inspecting group ot statuary and she asked him who that fe- male fisurs was. He said he wasn't certain about it, but he thought 1t must be bust of Sahara-at least 1t was barren waist.
 IA Baltimore doctor say that whole minoe pie, eaton at bedtime will not harm the most delicate system. It IS dreaming of falling down @ coal mine that upsets one's nerves. | Two resolutions have been intro duced in Congress expressing sympa- thy with the Irish. Peck's Sun thinks more resoluti ons should be introduced, because two wouldn't fat canary. -"How far," asks. an exchange,
 "will bees go for honey We don't know; but @ bee will go miles out of its way for tho purpose of stiuging bare footed boy on the heel.
 -Everybody was set roaring tue other day in the Western North Carolina kAl- road station at Statesville, by tho re-
 quest of slabsided agriculturist at the
 ticket window for tickets for grown
 up 'om ,n and yearling size gal" l -"Ol, dootor," sail an anxious moth-
 or to the family quarantine, "what oau
 YOU do for my boy? He sits around tho
 house and wants broiled chicken all the
 time." "There is nothing very serious
 the matter, madam, The boy has fowl
 stomach, that is all."
 Elder Sister ito little one who ap-
 peared to take great interest in MT. ,Skibbons) -" Come, little pet, it is time your eyes were shut in sleep" Little ,Pet-"I think not. Mother told me to
 keep my eyes open when you and MT.
 Skibbons were together"
 Talking about nerve real, down.
 right nerve-there's fellow we know
 who can toss a waiter his last $5 bill in
 payment for 8 couple of creams, take
 the lady out to her carriage, put her in,
 stand smiling on the curbstone till she
 turns the corner-and then go back and
 demand his change. -
 The imbibers of champagne will re- } gret to hear that this years vintage must
 prove, both as regards quantity and
 quality, the worst on record. But as long as pure champagne can be made
 in this country from lager beer slops, cider and certain chemicals, the imbib- CTS will not suffer by the failure of the foreign vintage.
 -"Is there DO way" writes an agri- cultural correspondent, "of keeping eggs , from turning bad9" We'll, no really in , fallible means have been discovered, we
 believe, but g hound pup, about six ? months old, will come about as near 1t as anything else, if you leave the her. nery doors open. About one pup IS sufficient for farm of 2S0 acres. Lord Chesterfield, when Lieutenant of Ireland, was suddenly disturbed one \ morning by a country magistrate who,
 bursting into his room, after having ridden all night to announce tho dread
 full intelligence, exclaimed, "My lord, the people In the North have risen !! "It is almost time, replied Chesterfield, 2 quietly looking at his watch "it is past g o'clock" -.ts..E.t An aspirant to dramatic honors re- : cently left Mss. with @ manager. Soon !, afterwards it was returned to him Ire e jected. "What am particularly say j. age about, he said to 8 friend, "is that : they have read only the first act. " :" How : do you know that?" "Because the oth' d CT three are not yet written. I have '- had too many pieces rei iected notto spare myself the unnecessary trouble" : There is one good thing about the l. national debt. We owe it, we've got tc y pay it some time, that's all right bu 'S all the same, 8 man can't come chasing " you down the street with bill of it Il his hand, and collar you just as you ge :, in crowd and say, "See here, now, E. want to know what you are going to d.
 about this, and when you are going t F. let me have something on it" As g debt A if we must have debts, the national de B. nomination possesses qualities eminent a ly superior to all it's cheaper brethren 'e -"Well, my lad, where are you trave at ing this stormy weather, all alone