The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-06-05
TERMS $500 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE.
Strippings.
What the Funny Papers Give Down.
A GOOD CoBBLER.

GOOD CoBBLER.
1 once knew man who made shoes. He
could cobble pair of old shoes. He could sew
on an invisible patch with yellow thread, 50
that it would look like sunrise on the Ohio.
How he could make shoes. Well, sir, one day
that man dropped his wax ON a painful of pegs,
laid down his hammer and got to telling what
the Government ought to do, and what Con.
gress ought to do and what he would do if he
was there, and the first thing he knew they
sent him to Congress- He used to charge only
ten cents for sewing on patch as big as a fifty
cent piece, and only twenty cents for q new
heel, and fifty cents for half soles. And he
pounded leather all day for about one dollar
and eighty-fve cents.
And the very first day he was in Congress.
he introduced a bill for the free coinage Of
S90O0 0O0 0O0, 600 000, 900 900, in dollar green-
backs with a provision that the amount should
be doubled if it should appear that the amount
originally specified in the bill was insufficient
to meet the demands of trade
And yet that man could make good Shoes
Hawkeye.
TRYING TO AsToNIsH A PAwNBRoKER
The imperturbability and extreme caution
of the average pawnbroker are proverbial. On
Saturday young man of an experimental and
facetious turn of mind resolved to astonish
pawnbroker or die in the attempt, so entering
the secret shrine he gave the officiating pontih
$40 gold piece, and said: "Well, old man,
how muchn you advance me on that?" The
pawnbroker tested, rang and weighed the coin,
dropped little aquafortis upon 1t, and replied,
81 can let you have S4 on it," Four Erebus-
es!" cried the young man, "why, it's worth
more" well, yes" answered the pawnbrok-
er "the gold is good, evidently, but it's very
old fashioned-it was made in 1S34-and isn't
worth any more than its weight in old metal.
Besides there is such huctuation in gold and
silver. I've seen gold up to 2S5 and silver
down to 81; how do L know but that silver
may go up to 285 and gold down to S4l can't
take any risks in my business like that, you
know. But I'll tell you what will do, seeing
it is you, don't mind letting you have So OIL
on it, but don't let the boss know, for he has
the heart disease and the shock might kill
him." Gimme 81 and I'll take it," said the
impetuouS youth; but the pawnbroker shook
his head so sternly that he knew it was no GO
and SO picking up his $40 piece. he departed.
He returned three minutes afterwards, and
throwing down the same piece, said to the
pawnbroker: Say, can you give me two So
greenbacks for thfs?' Certainly, sir" said
the pawnbroker, calmly, and produced the
notes. You sweet-scented old IDIOT" said the
young man as he punched the bills, chats
the same $40 piece that you wouldn't lend me-
81 on at interest minute ago." 81 know it,
my friend, said the pawnbroker, ''that was
SPECIMEN OHIO FAMILY.
''To foresee political victory" remarked an
old Ohio politician to an ambitious son at the
table the other morning, "what kind of eyes
must we have?''
Immediately the young man cleared his
mouth and shouted;
"Organize!"
Good, my boy" cried the old man; "in the
aicryax hall he IL
over company of 'Buckeyes!'" "
yes" yelled the son, as he gulped down
cup OF coffee, provided that, when the MEM
bers vote ON my name, the ayes have itl''
The father had no further response to make
to his sons volatile wit, but the mother-who
had heard the noise-came in Just then and ex-
pressed her surprise ''-Chicago Journal
JUST FROM LEADvILLE.
conductor on the Michigan Central road
came across him the other day. The train
coming east had just left Jackson when the
man from Leadville was discovered on the
platform OF the rear car. He seemed to have
an object in being out there instead Of in the
car, but the conductor was deceived as to his
motive. Conductors rarely ever get hold Of
the right theory when they find a man with q
long neck and lean satchel sitting out on the
rear platform.
how can you say that?" replied the man from
Leadville to the conductors brief but vigorous
salutation. "No, stree! I came ont hare for
fresh air. I've camped out so long that I'm
sick as a hoss the mint feel roof over mel
IN be in in mint and pay my fare to Detroit.
I'm going up there to engage 100 men to re-
turn to Leadville with me''
The conductor suggested that he enter the
car and pay his fare at once. Michigan rail-
road conductors don't seem to care a clam-shell
whether passenger halls from Leadville or
Bungtown.
Pay my fare to once-of course will" re-
piled the man from Leadyille 'HThe owner of
the Huckleberry mines wouldn't look very
well trying to beat one-track railroad out of
three or four dollars fare. I'll be in there in
Just mlnlt-lust as soon the gnawsus feel
ing of the stummick is kinder gone. You'd
better go in and git change for D. $500 bill, SO
as not to detain me-
The conductor went back through the cars
and returned. The owner of the Huckleberry
mime was no longer on the platform, but was
sound asleep in the centre of one of the coaches
Pay my farel' he shouted, as the conductor
gave him vigorous shaking up. "Do you
charge me double fare because / own the big
gest and richest silver mine in Leadville? Am
to be imposed upon because l am about to en-
gage 1900 laborers in Detroit at So day per
MANI"
II want your fare" said the conductor
want it twice over?"
''You haven't paid your fare yet, but you
must or I shall put you off the train.''
II appeal to my fellow-passengers, L dol" ex-
claimed the man from Leadville; "even if do
own the Huckleberry mine, and a half-interest
in the Short-cake, I'm not to be swindledl''
Il give you one-quarter of minute to pay
your fare said the conductor, as he reached
for the bell-rope.
"Tll pay" replied the man, after a few sec
onds-"Ill pay now, and sue the company
when we reach Detroit I'll have to pay you
in silver bars, as l am short of gold coin and
greenbacks."
He fshed up his old satchel took about four
minutes to unlock it, and after q dive and q
scramble he tished up two old paper collars, the
remains of toothbrush, and an old darning-
needle threaded with a foot or two of string
Come! I'm in hurry" said the conduc-
tor
81 want this train searched I've been robbed
of over $1,000 worth of silver bars! shouted
the man from Leadville turning the old satch-
ell wrong side out and holding it up.
The train was stopped and he was ordered to
alight. He looked from the big brakeman to
the conductor, and sorrowfully remarked:
eyes, I'll dismount. I've bin robbed, insulted,
and abused, and want to sit down ON log
and think it over and plan my revenge. The
owner of the Huckleberry mine can't be stepped
on with impunity, and you hear me!' The
train started. As the last car reached him the
Huckleberryian make grab for the platform,
missed the railing, and the last seen OF him his
feet were twinkling above the bullrushes of n
roadside swamp. He had got lift of 10 miles,
and was doubtless perfectly satisfied.
Ingersolls Funeral Grafton.
The follovviuo 10 Colonal Rohar+ Tnoereoll,s