The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-01-11
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.

BE polite, sonny" said the boarder
TO an impertinent youngster, "be po-
lite, and when she offers you cup of
tea, don't you take cup and sauce'er."
SorT-HEARrED grandpapa (to Tommy,
who has just been castigated by his
mammal" And you know, Tommy, it
really pains mamma more than it does
your Tommy-"O Oh, yes, l know it
doesl She says so Ithurts her hands,"
Puck.
Since the death of Bryant, the New
York Post has assumed higher and
broader tone. 1t now makes Jokes on
DIR. Mary Walkers trowsers. No won
ker MIR. Croly, late of the Graphic, says
the tone of New York journalism Is too
high for the readers in that city.-Nor-
toich Herald
The Boston gravestone cutter contin-
ues to give us some good things in the
way of graveyard poetry. Here is an
inscription on wife:
"This stone was raised by sarahs lord.
Not Sarah's virtues to record--
For they're well known 10 all the town;
But II was raised to keep her down"
THE man who objects to allowing fif-
eSSh VI eWChoy sShOoiDOJn w bSC VIM Cdh
come the nearest to his left ear with
family hearthstone. Detroit Free Press.
AT recent trial in Chenango County
as to whether cider is intoxicating, sew
eral gentlemen were swern and testified
that the beverage 80 confused them that
they didn't know their own wives from
those of other men. The Elmira Gazette
says that it has known the same confu-
sion to occur where the person merely
drinks cold water.
IT comes to us with show OF authenticity,
That Mr.. Edison's luxurious invention
Has found an Office new for electricity,
Surprising all our previous apprehension.
Through this the lightning may, with great sim
pliety,
Come to our homes pacific Of intention
To revoutionize the light of this city,
And pale our gas by its bright Intervention.
Then kerosene, the housewives infecity
WIN banished be- with tos too great mention
No evil following save gas stocks sure decenson.
But -lowance must be given for eccentricity
'''''' w ''"'' WV ''''' wBoston POSI-
The English language is wonderful
Tor its aptness of expression. When q
number of men and women get together
and look at each other from the sides
Of room-that's called a sociable.
When hungry crowd call upon a poor
minister and eat him out of house and
home-that's called donation party
Turner'S Falls Reporter.
The Norristown Herald notes the fact
tLat good locomotives that used to bring
$24, 900 can now be bought for 81 900.
That's big come down, but it's not
enough. What the age demands is a
dollar and half locomotive to attach TO
the trowsers' scat of the errand boy.
When that is accomplished che world
will have progressed one hundred years
and profanity will receive its worst set
back.--NeUdrk Sunday Call.
A wELLAPpEARINa gentleman walked
into the bar-room of leading hotel the
other evening, and processing to be out
of change, asked the bar keeper if he
could put his umbrella up for drink.
As it was good silk one, the security
was agreed upon. The man swallowed
his beverage, and, quietly raising his
umbrella, walked out. Jimmy did not
call him back, but took the joke as
philosophically as Observation-Disclosures
Union.
BY some accident the headings of the
Marysville Banner Of Freedom got trans
posed the other day, and the next day
the nuptials of old Mr.. Pennybacker,
who had married young lady of six
teen, appeared under the caption of
"Coid Blooded and Terrific DeedW
while report of the murder Of Mr..
Bolts was announced as "a Most De-
lightful Affair" Ever since that issue
Mr.. P. has been sitting on the carriage
step in front of the Banner Office with
a shotgun, waiting for the editor to come
out while Botts's brother-in-law is pa
trolling the back alley, waiting to head
off that efficient journalist with club.