Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-02-24
PINAFORE PLAGUE.
An Organ Grinder Twisting II from His
BOx---YOung Ladies Thump It,
Young Men Whistle It--.A
Great City Gone Mad.

Philadelphia Reoord.l
The epidemic which broke out in
this city some weeks ago is spreading
like the measles. A roaring lion,
seeking what it may devour, is a kit
ten to it by comparison. 1t is in the
air, and is gradually and surely in
fecting all classes. Its last and most
virulent form has just appeared, and
what this community is condemned to
suffer for months, and it may be for
years, words cannot express or print
er's ink convey.
When it is stated that the organ
grinder has got it, and got it bad, the
agony that will ensue this spring and
summer can be imagined. The first
case made its appearance yesterday.
He invaded a happy, peaceful street,
and, swinging his music-box from his
shabby ~velyeteen coat, struck an atti-
tude, and with q smile of triumph
vigorously grasped the handle and
gave it a jerk. 1t Was Arranged, was
the tune he played, with variations
that chased each other over three
octayes, and pitched in a key so high
and sharp hat they went through an
ordinary ear like a bullet through
cheese. He commenced with that
part where Captain Corvoran sings.
81 am the captain ofthe Pinafore"-
and he ground and ground until he
had run through the entire opera.
The whole neighborhood became in
fected at once. Young ladies clawed
at it on the piano, young men whistled
it, children screamed it, old maids
hummed it, and soul old men-well.
sour old men went for that organ
grinder and bribed him literally to de-
part at once and forever.
The symptoms Of the disease show
themselves in various forms. and if
taken in the early stages may be cured.
In its incipient stages the patient is
seized with ~spasmodic attempts at
humming, generally beginning
"lum-yummy-yum-
Yum-yum-yum!'
AT this stage seize tho patient firmly
by the neck and hold tight until he or
she turns black in the face. After a
few moments tell them if it ever oc-
currs again a broken head will be ap-
piled as a remedy. This is almost a
sure cure.
The next phase is more marked. The
patient after premonitory ~puckerings,
bursts forth with the air
II am the Monarch Of the Soa,
The ruler of the Queens Nayee."
Something should be done at once.
Vigorous remedies must be applied.
The best is this. Fill a tub with
broken ice, and inject tho sufferer
obliqucly and l~aterally into the frozen
mass. Having given him a shock,
apply a cato nine-tails, the cat he
sings about, with great yigor to the
back, until he cannot say whether Sir
Joseph Porter, X. c. B., was a fish
huekster or a dancing master.
The third stage is next to incurable.
The patient crawls out Of bed hum
ming:
''Things are seldom what they seem;
Skim-milk masquerades as cream"
Be on the alert. At this juncture
join In with:
hYery true"
$50 they do"
Then grasp an Indian club and swing
it adroitly oyer the head and fetch it
down with a thump on the heshy part
Of the subjects body. Apply Indian
club every two hours up to noon.
Perhaps by that hour the suReger has
mentally run over the music until he
reaches
"0h! bitter Is NY cup;
How ever could | DO u 2"
Now is the supreme moment. Kill or
cure. Seize him drag him into the
yard adroitly apply both feet three
times in rapid succession, and render
sitting down a torture then call the
family to your assistance, and play
upon him with broom. handles and
rolling-pins, Just before his wind
gives out give him his choice between
Pianafore and a ride on a clothes
prop, and in nine cases out of ten the
cure will be permanent.