Stevens County tribune. (Morris, Minn.) 1877-1880, 1879-06-12
The Tragedy at SlOan's.

s'Do understand, Mrs. Sloan,'' said the
Magistrate, ''that you make charge of
attempted infanticide against your hus-
band %
"Well, not exactly that" replied Mr..
Sloan. "Your Honor, the situation is this.
We have one baby year and a half old,
and then we also have twins Just two
months old. Little cherubs, both of them.
Their mothers turn-up nose, per-
haps, but my eyes and my amiable expres-
sion.'
"His hair, too, Your Honor" said Mrs.
Sloan, "his hair-red''
"Before we were married, may it please
the Court" said MIR. Sloan, s'she was fond
of abiding to it as auburn. But no matter.
She went yesterday to Woman Suffrage
Convention. staid at home with the chill
dren, three of them, Your Honor I
only have taoO arms. When two of the
little folks cried, I would set down a
silent one and r carry those that
screamed. Then the one I put down
would begin, and I'd have to pick him
up and lay down another and then 1T
would scream. / tried to carry the odd
one pig-a-back, but it was no use, he aoould
slip down and bump his nose on the floor.
Imagine the situation. It was hard. I was
nearly wild. Only two nursing bottles, too,
and the third baby yelling like Crow Indian
while the twins were feeding.'
s'Couldn't he suck his thumb?" asked the
Magistrate.
"Mrs. Sloan won't let him. She closed
the gate of joy, so to speak, against her own
offspring! Absolutely prohibited the child
from sucking its own thumb! Nero, in his
worst days, never went that far, I i'm
agine."
"The historians forgot to mention it if he
did, . said the Justice.
Precisely. Well, got along as we'll as I
could, when in comes hoy with note from
Mrs. Sloan saying that Mrs. Gibbs, the vice
president of the convention, wanted her baby
out of the way while she was comforting with
the select committee on ways and means, so
in comes the sergeant with Mrs.
Gibbs baby for me to take care of. That
made four. Your Honor, if Mrs. Gibbs
baby grows up and becomes a missionary,
he can preach to the heather in Africa with
out leaving home. He has voice like q
fog horn. So he tuned in and cried. and
the other babies cried for sympathy"
''It was hard, said the magistrate.
"Hard! Well, I'm an accommodating
man, SO Iput one twin in one cradle and
rocked it with my right foot, and / put the
other in another cradle and rocked it with
my left foot; then sat Gibbs baby on one
knee and Johnny on the other, and by pc
culiar action of my legs kept all four in mo-
ton. You understand? Well, sir, Just as
calmness began to prevail, in comes the SER
geant- again with the secretary's
baby. Said Mrs. Sloan had sent it while the
secretary wrote up her minutes, and wouldn't
look after it for while.'
''Was it asleep?"
sEWell, no. Now I don't want to exagger-
ate, your honor. I am under oath, and I
shall try to state the fact mildly. But am
sadly mistaken if you couldn't blow church
organ with the secretary's baby's left lung
1t whooped and hallooed in such manner
as to alarm me. Then Gibbs baby Joined
in, and they gave us a duet. Pretty soon
our three turned up for q chorus, and-well,
suppose o whole orphan asylum should sud-
denly have q spasm of stomach-ache, and
you can form some idea of the racket"
Couldn't you quiet them by singing to
themp'' $3.50
"No, sir; you couldn't have heard bass
drum In that ROOM"
"What did you dor"
81 gave the family Bible to one twin, and
put Webster's Unabridged Dictionary on the
AbP Va buO OtAACAS AAO1UAy W HAoy WAtus4 i
thought I'd go down stairs and get some
milk for the whole crowd. did. When /
came up, as I had only two nursing bottles,
/ emptied bottle of hair renovator, which
Mrs. Sloan uses-'
81 don'tr' exclaimed Mrs. Sloan.
Sand castor-oil bottle. / put the milk
in these and in an old paregoric bottle,
punched holes through the corks, and handed
them around. When I came to the twins,
they had the Bible and the dictionary lying
right ON their bosoms, and they were blue in
the face; too heavy, your Honori So had
to pick them mp and sonse themla couple of
times in the bath-tub to bring them to and
when I'got back into the room with them, 1
found Gibbs baby in spasms from the taste
of the hair restorer, and the Secretary's
baby had swallowed the cork, and the other
child looked as If the castor oil bottle some,
how had mot agreed with it. A minute later
in came Mrs. Sloan, and the Secretary, and
Mrs. Gibbs, and they hustled me out. j
don't know what happened after that, but
believe il was old Gibbs put Mrs. Sloan up to
charging me with murder" ~
"The case il dismissed" said the Justice,
and the. Eloans withdrew. Mrs. Sloan has
hired nurse.Mar Adeter, IN N. 7.
Weekly. 1900 g. ss.. .'..