The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-05-23
"Novus Homo Procul Domo"


the editors of the Union are in bad way,
and that one Of them has been far from
home" for needed rest and quiet The
following description points too strongly
to one Of them to admit of any doubt, al
though it lis little strange that he should
go to Kiner of the Geneseo Nea0s for CON
ISOLATION in bis great grief. But we let
the sympathetic Geneseo editor tell his
own story
The other morning quite early. before
the dew had dried on the grocery signs,
and while the peaceful bar.rooms still con
tanned few sumptuous-nosed individuals
10 search of an appetite for breakfast,
came heavy, martial tread on the Neaos
stairs. which at length elevated into the
sanctum man of perhaps thirty-fve sum
mers. He was broad. shouldered and
thick-set. He had withal pleasant smile
and good-humored gray eye. But in the
good-humored eye, and in the pleasant
smile, and in the entire expression of the
compact figure. we could trace vexation
and trouble, coupled with an evidently
powerful effort to live it down and make
the best of it.
| He lived 10 Rock Island, he said, "a
city noted for its admirable system of
water works, which supply the natives
with beverage which will do to swear by
with no mental reservation, for 1t is IN
like anything in the heavens above, or 10
the earth beneath, or in the caverns which
are under the earth. The mans mission
was not. however, to boast of Rock Islands
water works. He fully appreciated them
but it was not for this that he invoked our
aid.
His trouble was Cows.
Rock Island is Great Incorporated
Cow Pasture. From dewy morn, when the
fragrant cowslips grew thick as the leaves
10 Naliambrosa from the sidewalks, to The
star lit night when COW bells jangle to thu
accompaniment of barrels of profanity from
peaceiess pillows, the COW stalks in undis
turbed serenity IN the community. Sht
, eats. with ostrich like avidity, the garbage
from the cutters, the grain from granger:
, wagons, Stops from the swill barrels, oil
boots and offscourings of the earth, produc
ing milk which, when duly mixed by tn;
conscientious miikman with an eqGa
amount Of water from tho water works
produces a nectar which is slowly but sure
IL waiting angles out Of Rock Island NJ
, ward via the Milky Way,
The beleagueyed city enGeavored 70 Is
tablish park The cows ate up the gras
then the trees. They are now burrowi0!
for the roots. They should plant tn
scourged earth with the cowdie tree, seeG
down the sward 10 cowhagc, then cowhi3
! any cowardly cuss who presumcs to cove
around aud sueer ct it,
pattar oifI1aDo Hapinra tb;c ctoto .
things. They have besieged the Counci
to create an ordinance prohibiting COW
from running at large But, as the mas
a., of people.-the poor people, Gown COW
0 and pasture them Us above outlined. an
as these masses count heavily at The ballo
box, aud as the aldermen have in viey
future elections and the heavy stipend
1850 per annum, connected With tbei
t office, no one dares to make move in Or
q tposition to the COW seourge. So it come
E about that cows run the city Of Rock L
"a land. Eventually, in recognition of tn
o great law of the eternal fitness of things
10 the Common Council, worshippers of Ii
4 golden e2w Instead Of the golden cal
will carve upon its eseutche6n the mysti
s. symbol of cowskin with horns complete
o the former allegorically suggestive of til
o fact that the cows-kin saunter at large {
e their own sweet will, the latter to del
II cately commemorate the many soothin
4 horns INDUCED in by members of til
n Counc.i e. the expense of the owners {
d cows.
i This, then, was the grievance of OF
thick set friend with the good .humore
gray eye. He desired the NeUs to con
over into Macedonia and give them a III
70 With the uDselashness which is one of i
distinguished features, it hes conseQte
, to pause for a brief moment 10 its sleel
less efforts to keep GeneseO in the paths
D. rectitude, aud make an effort to guide I'll
lie benighted debizens of the great Cow Pa
q ture on the Mississippi into the straigl
Y and narrow path which leadeth into
better life. Therefore in the name
d. every man Who ever stained his soul vii
l.. swear words as he tried to sink to re
Of with a COW bell under his bedroom wi
he dow; in the name of every woman VII
- shrieks Ike Freedom from her moQnta
10 height to End her fondly,cherished ga
q den some morning tr8mped into an unr,
e. cognizable bog by these imps of the clio
Sc en- hoof; in the name of every child wi
- was ever i'm paled upon a cows horns al
% tossed over six board fence into an allie
Ct in the name of every pair of fond love
IL who have sat conidingly down beneath
o. spreading tree to lag out their life-plan
- and who have separated and gone hon
~ in bitterness of spirit by different ways
1y have their cloths washed; in the name
he all these, we ask the Common Coun,
I'D iof the city of Rock Island to brace up al
n pass IN ordinance prohibiting cows fro
- promenading the streets. And peace W
ca abide within your gates and pleasu
as dwell in your palaces, and life will no Ion
ad er appear hollow and unhappy, like I'D
CO sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.
re And the editors (both Englishl will
y. happy once more.