Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-09-12

4
yard, the colonel calls his wife to his
side and says. "See that officer out
there?"
"Yes."
"Has he got a sword on?"
The colonel's wife adjusts her eye
| glass upon him, scans him keenly and
says, "He hasn't the taste of a sword"
The colonel: That's just where you
fool yourself! He has,"
IF a man is honest and truthful,
there is no necessity for him to say
much about it
"There! that explains where my
| clothes-line went top exclaimed an
Iowa woman as she found her husband
hanging in the stable.
Tobacco was named in honor of its
discoverer, o. c. Cabot, brother Of Sc
bastian Cabot. They just spelled his
name backward.
1t has been decided by court in
Perthshire, Eng, in case involving the
leQal kinship of relatives, that a brother
is nearer Of kin to q sister than is a
father.
A gentleman, while picking himself
I'D from behind horse, was asked the
question, "What isthe matter with you"
when the reply was, ''I'll be daTned If
I didn't think I was struck by light
ming" but Immediately after the ques-
toner had mcandered, you might have
seen him trying TO docile the animal
with a Ditchfork handle.
The conundrum about the pins is well
enough, but who breaks all the needles?
A single factory in Redditch, England,
turns out between 100000 and 100000
of them each week, or about $50, 100000
a year, which is equal to one third of
the population of the globe. With all
the factories in the world going, who
breaks these billions Of needles?
In s73 Europe underwent visitation
of grasshoppers far worse than that ex-
perienced in the States. They are re-
| ferred to in Spanish and German
archives, and are described as having
| hidden the sun and devoured crops on
100 acres in one hour. After devastat-
ing France they were supposed to have
peTished in the Atlantic,
In oxen Une stomach weighs 81 ounces
for every 100 pounds of live weight; in
sheep. it weighs SO ounces, in pigs IA
ounces, while in man only ounces.
These facts are important, as showing
/ the greater necessity for concentrated
food in some cases than in others. The
human race require a mixed diet Of
meat and vegetables.
-Oswego has the champion somnaln-
hulist In the person Of George Peckham,
who not long ago walked twelve miles to
Fulton without awaking, and who the
ther morning aWoke to find himself
fully dressed and aboard the Midland
train about to start for New York. He
dreamed that he was going to California,
and was awakened by the jar of the To-
connective as it coupled on the train.
One who claims to knew says if any
one is troubled with sleeplessness, let
him fasten his attention on his breath
ing, and fix his eyes, as it were, on the
stream of breath as it enters and leaves
his nostrils. Of course he is lying in bed
with bis eyes closed, so that the process
is imaginary. If he continues to watch
bis sleep in this way for three minutes
he will fall into a dreamless and re-
ueSnlng steep.
If you have to labor for living, re-
member that one hour in the morning
is better than two at night. If you en-
ploy others, be on hand to see that they
attend to their duties, and to direct
with regularity, promptness and iber-
ality. Do not meddle with any business
you know nothing of. Never buy a
thing you do not want because the man
who sells it will take it out in trade.
Trade is money. Time is money.
"A little girl was asked, "What is the
sacrament Of matrimonyT The poor
child had learned her lesson by rote,
got little mixed, and gave the answer
to another question, as follows: at is |
state Of torment into which souls enter |
to prepare for another and better world" |
The priest, who had observed but not |
experienced, simply replied with a sigh, |
eFOr aught I know you may be perfectly |
right" and went on with the examina-
ton.
CoRNERs. Corners have always been
popular. The chimney-corner, for in
stance, is endeared to the heart from the |
earliest to the latest hour of existence. |
The corner Cupboard What stores of
sweet things has it contained for US in
youth; with what luxuries its shelves
have groaned in manhood! A snug cor
ner IL a will Who ever objected to
such thing? A corner in woman's
heart Once get there, and you may
soon command the entire domain. A
corner in the Temple of Fame Arrive
at that, and you become immortal.
An old soldier has dug his grave near
Utica, and sleeps in it every 1icbt. His
sweetheart died after his return from
the war; he taught school, pined for the
dear girl, took to drink and went mad.
His friends recently found him in a
secluded spot, near Silver Spring Glen.
He had dug a large hole in the ground,
had let down a box shaped like coffin
and covered it with foWersand sod, and
had resolved to end his days there, sing
ing hymns and dreaming of the girl
who had gone before him.
A tramp walked into bank, ana
stepping up to the counter, said, "May
ask you question, sir?" eyes, but be
quick about it." replied the clerk. ~
want to know if all the green5acks have
bSen retired from circulation?" said the
NfaIQDs VIII d NdIlOuS dllNlOuS ar, ''Dh. |
no" replied the clerk, "there are about
four hundred and fifty millions of them
vet" Thanks, thanks" said the man,
with visible emotion. "You take load
off nv mind. It is so long since I've
seen one that was afraid thOy had all
and then he slowly retired
himself
An unSillingness on the part Of the
elder Dsrseli to pay forty guiueas
caused his son, the Earl Of BesconE6eld,
70 become an attendant st Christian
SSRurches- The former belonged to the
to5tuguese synagogue Of BeYis Marks,
IN IA london. He was chosen President
SS, S1 tne synagogue, but declined TO serve.
4ee penalty for the declination was fortv
gulneas, This he declined TO nav and
withdrew from Membership rat6eS tban
comply. Being a free thinker and =
Jew By race rRther than RELIGION he
Immediately attended an EniscoraI
church with hIs family. At his death q
friend paid his fine, and he WAS burisJ
N tne Jewish cemetery.