Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-08-01
F. q N :.

The Mozart 'sBaton" of Richm ond mar
rates the following : When Gen. Getty.
commander of the garrison at Fortress
Monroe. received Capt. Wise and the Rich
nond Blues, with band of music, at Old
Point the other day, as soon as the music
struck up it frightened the team of coun-
tryman, consisting of runt of a bull
hitched to stick cart, to such an extent
that he ran into and demoralized the entire
command. When order had been some
what restored Capt. Wise wlttily remarked
to Gen. Getty:
'sAnother Bull Ram, General
YES" replied the General. "a regular
rout; but promise you when you get in
side the Fort you shall fare better at Get
ty's burg"
Notice woman when she receives a tel
egram. How it does scare her She trem-
bles like dish of jelly, and imagines all
sorts of shings. Her husband has fallen
down the hatchway at his warehouse. Her
Johnny hasgone out sailing and is drowned.
Her sister Maria has been scalded to death.
Nothing short Of fatal accident qui to
fills the bill of her imagination. When she
finally summons courage to tear open the
envelope, she finds a message from her
husband warning her that he will bring
customer home to dinner. ana she imme-
diately calls the children together, and in
structs them not to ask twice for raspber-
ries, as there's just enough to go round.
and give the visitor few extra.-Pm,ch
A Chicago clergyman was aroused at
midnight last week to go and pray by the
bedside of dying man. On ascertaining
that the unfortunate being was the direc-
tor in gas company, he said to the mes
senger: swell, don't know that there is
any use in my going it'll just be waste
of good praying still, suppose it's my
duty" and reluctantly accompanied him.
The c0mpositor who was told he might,
when setting up speech, insert loud ap
plause" or "cheers," in order to fill out
the line, was summarily discharged when
he made the application general, and set
up an obituary notice as follows: "The an
nouncement was made yesterday that our
highly respected citizen, Mr., fell dead
in the street.-(Loud applause, &C.,
After the service. Deacon-"Good af-
ternoon Brother Smith. You neglected
to pray for rain and our crops are all
drying up" Minister-"So did. I am
sorry. But you know the First church
has picnic tomorrow, and that will
doubtless do quite as well.''-[ american
Punch.
The following testimonial of certain
patent medicine speaks for itself: dear
Sir-Two months ago my wife could
scarcely speak. She has taken two bot
Ties Of your Life Renewer," and now she
can't speak at all. Please send me two
more bottles. Wouldn't be without it.
Nothing is so painful at this season of
the year as the disheartening spectacle of
q nine-year-old hen looking through the
fence at man digging a garden, while
she exercises her rugged legs and incisive
claws on the plank walk, just keeping in
practice until the garden is ready.
A tramp applied to a lady for something
to eat. "Why don t you go to work."
she asked. 'There's nothing doing at my
trade just now" "What it your bust
ness2' Holding election tickets on the
street corners.''
One day last week, says the Burlington
''Hawkeye,' merchant of this city accl-
dentally swallowed his watchkey, and nat
urally enough wound up his affairs next
day.
A curious husband once asked his wife, |
t'My dear, what kind Of stone do you
think they will give me when am gomez
s'Brlmstone, john" was the affectionate |
reply. -
The fall of Adam was mot so humilia- J
ting as it might have been, There was no. |
body around to say. Come here, SONNY.
and I'll pick you up.''
The weather is not only Enthusiastically.
but unprincipied. The other SUNDAY Il
rained all day on camp-meeting and
shone all day Monday on a circus
.Man wants but little here Below
But here the poets wrong;
For when it's time upon note,
he wants it awful long.