The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1879-03-06
How Frank Piefce's SECRETARY OF War
+ Couldn't Take . joke.

ION kI0Uk 66CItt8Gy U WIZ
Couldn't Take Jeke.
erone's Letter to Indianapolis Journal.
but there's one thing about him,
aid Milford, shat l don't believe has
yer bees published-a practical joke,
4 scosrse. When Frank Pierce was
president, jeff Davis, then secretary OF
var, issued general invitation to the
ulcers of the army who were skillful
to send in suggestions for
he new. uniform which 1t had been de-
:ided to adopt. One ssch invitation
Was sent to each officer.
Lieut.. Derby was very ready with
his pen-a really ingenious artist. In
reply be sent to the var department
design for Q new uniform-0r rather
peculiar addition to the old uniform
The ameodmen4 consisting merely of .
ring attached 70 the seat Of the tr0wsers
Of each private soldier. Each officer
WAS to carry, instead of . sword, long
pole, with hook in the end like . shep.
herds crook. The pole and the ring
enabled officers to keep privstes from
running away in battle. Fagitives could
DO easily caught by IL and brought back.
Stragglers could be kept in line. More
over, the rings would be very useful in
the cavalry service to fastsn soldiers to
the saddle to prevent them from falling
off; and in the artillery service the
rings were to DO used tor draft purposes
in the absence Of mules.
These specifications were accompa-
MED BY tho most grotesque pictures,
representing officers hauling back COW.
srdly recruits by the servlceable ring,
cavalry securely faatened to tho top Of
their steeds by the came device, and
srtillerymsn harsesssd to cannon, draw
ing them through narrow defiles or up
an activity inaccessible 70 mules by
cables attached TO the postsrior staples.
Z On apother sheet of bristol besrd was
"a ,llsstraiion in gaudy colors of "Dsr.
by's Rotary Mule HowItxer," accompa.
MED BY the following description: upon
the back of . young and vigliant mule
strap mountain howitzer, the muzzle
pointing towards the tail. A similar
piece OF ordnance Is fastened with iron
bands under tho animate abdomen, the
muzsle aimed between the forelegs to
The font. There are four guDners-
two to each piece-and . persuader, a.
he is called, whose business it is to per
suade the mule to stand firm and no,
retreat, BY stufiRg him with oats ate,
each discharge with . tin sausage suffer
When Indians or other legitimate game
appear in view, the mule Z, by crank
movement on the tall, lin bered to The
front. 1t don't make any difference
which way the mule faces land hero il
where my patent cUmes I'M, ono gun il
slways pointing towards the front Al
the command Fire! the top howiizer il
discharged. The recoil throws the mnl,
on bis back, bringing the second guI
into position. This is discharged, which
suddenly throws the mule n his fee
again, whom the gunners swab out th'
mslss throat with hay and reload Th,
aeconpanying illustrations Gin brown
red, blue and gold, and still on file i,
the war Department. represented th'
rotary mule in seven different attitudes
looking contented and happy all tn
time.
This was felt to be outrageous audaci
ty on the part of Q subaltern. The clerk
10 the war department laughed At tn
funny letter immoderately, bat thei
superiors looked serious. jeff Davis
the head of the department, was terribl,
indignant, and he resolved to defent
his wounded dignity. Charges ant
specifications were drawn up agains
Lieutenant Derby, and the officers wer'
actually named for bis court martial
when William r. Marcy, secretary o
state, . man of moro sense and self
poise, said TO tho irate secretary:
Now, see here, Gen. Davis, don't d.
it. This Derby has undoubtedly su
perhuous development of humor. Blu
he is shrewd and ingenious, and really
q fine draughtsman. He has valuabl,
qualities. You can organize cour
that will convict him, but you will b,
the butt of ridicule on account Of 1t al
yOur life. Better file tho suggestions o.
de crook-and ring and the lively rotary
mule, and say nothing.