Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1879-10-23
He Wanted big Words.

He wanted INR WORDS
81 want to see the man who writes the
editorials for this paper" said an individu-
al who looked like cross between coun-
try store clerk and job preacher. 81
mean your regular big gun, your sledge
hammer heavy weight, so TO speak. The
one who writes those thick, solid leaders
that nobody can understand. Them kind
with four syllables in 'em, you know"
"Well, sir,' said the editor-in-chief, lay
ing down his pen and shutting up big die
tionary, "what can do for you2"
''Why," replied the stranger, as he took
out twenty and laid il on the desk, Il
want you to give me the worth of that in
big words-regular jaw-breakers just the
toughest old tooth-looseners you can get up
for the money"
"You don't want them for some other
paper 2" said the editor, suspiciously.
''Oh, no, not at ALL Let me explain.
You see, belong to one of the debating
societies up in Marysvllle. OF course, we
haven't got much city style up there, but
we manage to make good deal of noise
sometimes.
Shouldn't WONDER" said the editor.
ave have some mighty lively debates, l
can tell you ''Well, the other day they
got up a sort of chin tournament between
the two societies. The question was 'Re-
solved, That bedbugs do not bite China
men, Magnificent subject, now, wasn't
it2"
''Has considerable bearing on the future
of the State, admit" said the moulder of
public opinion, screwing up the shears.
''Well. you see, we were Just walking
right away from the other fellows, who had
the affirmative, when a new member of
their crowd-a fellow just up from the city
got up and said he was satisfied the bed
bug didn't bite the Chinaman because if it
did the result would be-let's see ; I've got
it down here on a piece of paper. "Oh,
yes s!-instantaneous pyroligneous asphyxi-
alton"
tWhat did he mean2"
81 don't knOw--nobody know. That's
just what's the matter. 1t knocked all our
fellows perfectly cold-just paralyzed the
entire crowd. We hadn't another word to
say, and the opposition society carried the
day and went home grinning like water
melons with our slice out"
''That was annoying"
'You bet it was. Just think of the
meanness of that cuss to spring a couple of
words like that right on Marysville audi
ence. Why it was terrible. OF course we
did the best we could to get even. Well,
the next Saturday we had another strong
subject; Resolved, That compelling hens
to drink hot water will cause them to Law
hard-boiled eggs So l braced up and said
that | once had game rooster that died of
curvilinear cantogas pkotobia.
''That ought to have extinguished
them"
''Well, it did for moment, you better
believe. Their crowd turned white around
the gills for a moment, but when our fel-
lows had done cheering, that same fellow
his name is Guffersrn, and he used to be
some sort of professor once, hear-that
same fellow got up and said that, while he
largely coincided with the gentleman who
had just sat down, probably the most serious
obstacle in the way of utilizing archaeological
intelligence was the tendency of the species
toward hysterialarnyxia pologolomen-
caughemia,
''Great Scott 2"
"You may well say so. OF course that
just knocked us square off our pins-wilted
us right down-and the audience decided
for the opposition side without taking a
vote. believe that if Gufferson hadn't
gone home that night escorted by Bill
Stokes-that's our police force, you know
some of our members would have assas-
sinated him"
81 should think assassinations would be
very multitudinous down your way"
Multitudinous-tha no slouch of a
word. Just let me take it down. Yes, it
was a regular Waterloo defeat for our club.
So the next day they subscribed twenty
dollars and the expenses of committee of
one to come right down to Frisco and get
hold of a lot of words calculated to make
coal rattle in the cellar when they are left
off, and to cause that Gufferson to wish
he'd never been born. Now, come, what
can you do for meG Dern the expense.
And as the managing editor has taken a
day off and lugged home the Office verbal
Roots, we confidently advise our subscrib-
ers at Marysville to take to the foot hills be-
fore the commissioner returns. Property
will be very cheap in that section shortly,
If our editor knows himself.