The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-25
al SORTS.
Upon the mall they slowly walked,
And snapped their soulful notions,
And while he saccharinely talked,
In paying his devofions,
CONNECTIONS rich he did outpour.
And she, thus being sweetened,
Remarked. ~ never was before

H
Bob IngersoIl says the black man must go
North, where there is fresh air, That IS
What he will have to live on if he comes
Boston Post. 1t
How dare you swear before mef I
lsked a man of his son recently. How
lid | know you wanted to cuss frstf
said the spoiled urchin.-ED.
THAT beats the Dutch. as the Teuto-
mic hotel keeper said when one OF his
guests left him between two days, forget
ting to pay his bill. Rome Sentinel.
A Chicago girls shoe arrived on
freieht-car the other day, having been or
dered by harness man in town tor last
on which to build Saratoga trunks
HheeIing Leader.
During these exceedingly warm and dis
agreeable days. people must not get 1t
into their heads that editors are angels
merely because they flap their ears to keep
off the flies - SdLtRG, Jr,
We frequently hear people discussing
the relative excellence of the apple and
pear, Let all such turn to Genesis and
read of the FIRST great victory of the apple
oyer the pair That should have settled
it for all time.-Bost0n Transcript.
One boy in the potato patch Is worth
two 10 the mill-pond, but the two mill
Donders are worth more than one boy IN
the watermelon patch. Consult farmer
about this seemingly reckless statement,
before you ask US to retract. we were
once small boy" aud have verified all
| the assertions we make regarding him.
| Quincy Modern Argo.
A young man writes to know If 1t Is
proper to take hold of young iady's arm
10 promenading Certainly it is. Nothing
| looks SO nice as to see tall youth waking
with Il little lady who comes not up 10 his
shoulder with his arm booked III hers,
hitting her half off her feet every time he
steps. The nearer you can reach the
Appearance of taking lady iuto custody
like policeman, the more genteei It IL,
you know. - Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Judge V, of this State, has rich vein
of humor running through his ordinary
diguifed demeauor. Counselor Il. was
arguing before him, recently, a case of
domestic infeiicity Said the attorney:
Separating the apartments OF my client
and this lady was curtain from ceiling to
floor; certainly there WAS noting out Of
the way in that" NO." replied His
honor. and not much in the way either.
l-Biddeford Miniature.
Your true blue-jack hates soldier.
Why this is would be hard to say-perhaps
because when Jack is untTuly and needs
E discipline" marine is put on guard
over him. The marines have hard time
of it, They are neither seamen or lands
men, and have no friends among either.
This is jacks formula A messmate
, before a shipmate, shipmate before a
friend, friend before dog, but dog be,
tore a "sogerl "-BoSton Transcript,
The invention OF khorse-nets has made
+ the tail of horse useless piece OF tursl
, ture. 1t is believed by horse-men that a
new breed of horses will be raised without
any tails. Such breed of horses will be
=, valuable, as it would increase their speed,
1t is estimated that carrying a tail takes
q about four seconds off horses time wher
) trotting. However, if horses without taiIs
are raised, and the hynet manufacturers
get 90 strike, it would make it bad
D Peck's Sun.
8 Nobody is enjoying the Conkling Spragu'
= scandal more than Henri Watterson, thu
talented young editor of the Louisville
C0urier-.]0mndJ. Roscoe presumed tC
bite his thumb at Henri once upon a time
r When the report of old man Sprague''
= shotgun reached Kentucky, Henri pulled
q out his glass eye and threw it up agains
the ceiling in an ebullition of delight. st
Louis Times Journal
Last year man patented fan which
:, fastened to the back of a rocking chair
: was made to work by the motion of tn
chair. This year some one has fashioned
d, a fan whose motive power is the sewing ma
, chine; and next year we see 10 reason VIII.
o combined fan and fy-brush shall not b,
y Invented, to be attached to boarding hous
ID tables and operated by the innate strengtl
G of the butter.-LOuisulLte Courier Journal
From the IndianapolisJournsl, Rep
&c The country papers in Ohio have begu
J. to nail lies on the counter. This mean
Of that the campaign is getting warm. Pref
~ ty soon they will be hurting allegation
I back with scorn, aud examining falsehood
- down the throat of the scoundrel who u
al tered them. Then there will be fun a
lie round.
from the Dubuque Telegraph, Greenback.l
n Radical leaders have at least temporar
osl IL suspended agitation of the practical
"a dead issues of the war. Popular sent
r ment failed to favorably respond to the
a. revolutionary utterances. The people
re ultimate response will prove disastrous d.
:. feat at the polls
:, The Shelbyville, ILL.,, Democrat says
ID the Hon, B. H. Truesdell, leading D.
# mocratic member of the house of repr
in sentatives 10 the Thirtieth and Thirty FIR
general assemblies of Illinois, that
would make formidable candidate fl
" governor.
D. We learn from the Philadelphia Reco,
q that a curious custom has lately grow
" up among the ladies of good social positil
in England of having various devices t
tooed indelihly on one or the ether of the
III legs. Ills PECULIAR freak sof the sristrocra'
=, of Britain has been made public through
n advertisement announcing the mysterior
disappearance of a well-connected your
i' lady. But in this very advertisement
as displayed comicaI want of knowledge
a. the customs of this country. The frienC
lie of the missing girl evidently believed sh
- has fed to America. and they tell us sh
can be Ident6ed by cross in tattoo on hi
~ right leg. This is doubtless an infaIib
to sign, but who is to make the investigate
rs which shall reveal the fair runaway
h. When the Bowels are Disordered,
D. No time should be lost IN resorting to
I'd suitable remedy. Hostetter's Stomac
Rittprs IL tba ruoat reliable and uidaly o.