Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-10-22
A LUCKY DIE.

What the deuce ails me? Where an
I, anyhow? Wherever [ am, springs
and mattresses must be scarce, for
know [ am laid on some mighty hare
substance. Wonder if it is on a dis
secting board? Wonder if I'm dead
l feel mighty like it. Maybe I an
stretched out ready for the doctors to
carve ME.
These were my first thoughts, very
cheering, indeed, as became conscious
[ could neither speak nor move; but
soon learned that I could hear.
A door opened, footsteps approached
[ felt cloth removed from my face
and voice, which I recognized rs that
of my intended father-in-law, said:
"He hasn't changed MUCH" and his
companion, whose voice recognized as
Sowerby's, the undertaken, said lightly
"There's just..where you are mistaken,
Mr.. Mullins; he looks a cussed sight
better dead than alive, but how does
Priscilla feel about it? Take on much,
eh?"
ooh! no just enough to appear we'll, !"
said the father of my afianced, with a
chuckle. "She never cared much for
Smith; twas his stamps that she fan
cied. My Priscilla is a practical girl and
went in for his dimes, his carriage and
greys, although at the same time I must
own she was spooney on bald-pated
Howard, the artist, but he's poor as
Jobs turkey, as the saying is"
"Wel, she can have him now for all
this poor cuss, can't she?" said Sowerby,
beating tattoo with his digits on my
chest.
81 presume so, but she will wait till
the year is up, for fear of gossip, you
know"
But who gets his money, seeing the
poor cuss has no relations?" queried
she undertaken.
ooh! that's all right. You see, my
Priscilla is sensible girl. Before she
promised to marry him she had him
make his will in her favor. Poor Smith
was rather sappy, you know; had moth
ing against him, however, although he
was deucedly homely, and such barn
door of mouth, always open."
"Well," said the cheerful voice of the
undertaken, "his mouth is shut tight
enough now, I reckon; he'll never open
it in this world again. Ireckon his i'm
mortal part is now with the angels"
And my mortal part is also with the
angels, thought Ia fine pair of angels!
[ felt indignant at their clumsy ridicule.
I tried to shut my fist, but the devil a
shut was to it. 1 could do nothing but
listen. He then began to measure me
for my coffin. [ had heard that under
takers whistled ioyfully when they got
a measure. believed it to be only a
joke on the craft; but Sowerby actually
struck up the air "Pun Down the
Blinds" in a subdued trilling whistle
while he measured me.
"a nobby casket and 100 hacks, eh,
Mr.. Mullins? Must make big thing Of
it. The cuss left lots of money, and re-
member he was to be your Priscilla's
husband. Must make splurge, Mr..
Mullins" said the worthy undertaken,
with an eye to his own pocket.
We'll, don't mind if the coffin is a
little nobby looking; but 100 hacks!
The deuce! Just send one or two for
the mourners, and the rest who come to
attend the funeral can furnish their own
rigs or hoof it, whichever suits them"
They covered my face again and left
me to my own reflections. I had often
heard it remarked that meditation was
good for the soul, and this was the best
chance [ ever had of trying it.
An hour must have passed and the
door was again opened, and two persons
came, whispering along, to where I Law.
and the voice of my promised wife fell
on my ear.
dread to look at him, Mr.. Howard ::
he was SO homely when living, he must
be frightful when dead"
I ground my teeth in rage as I re-
membered how often she had gone into
captures, or pretended to, over my
noble brow and expressive mouth, and
would solemnly declare that if [ were
taken from her she would enter con-
vent, take the black veil and never more
behold the sun.
One of them raised the cloth, I knew
they were looking at me. Howard was
the chap she was spooney on, whom her
father had mentioned.
Seems to me you don't feel very bad
about his dying, Miss Mufins," ex-
claimed Howard, deliberately.
Well, to tell the TRUTH" said my be-
trothed, don't care very much about
it. If he had lived suppose I should
have married him, because he was rich;
but [ was getting about sick of my bar
gain, for I know I should always be
ashamed of him."
But you loved him." remarked How
ard.
NO, I didn't! My affections were
wasted long ago on one who never re-
turned my love" And my fast fading
idol sighed heavily. They had now
covered my face again, and were stand
ing within few feet of where ] lay.
About how long ago, Miss Mullins p
asked Howard
"Oh! about year or so, with an
other sigh.
About the time went away?" inter
rupted the cautious Howard, coughing
little.
Well, yes, about that length of time"
assented my dear afianced.
Now, Miss Mu- uf-Muffins-you-