The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-09-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
round trlp--falIlng over a ball.


Lager beer is more than tonic 1t is Teutonic
How TO learn to catch hics--Jon base ball
club.
A case of rapturc-A lover wrapped up in his
girl,
Judge Hilton relcctcd the offer of the Montreal
thieves about A. T. Stewart. He said there was
no body TO IT,
There is wheat field in Daco,ah larger than
the whole state of Rhode Island
II you have a little pig you can give it u whey
and still keep it. This is n curdling joke.-kr.
The Cincinnati girls complain that the coal
smoke spoils their complications but then the
young are easily sooted
Henderson, of the Joliet R,cord must 90 to bed
at bad hours. lie says he saw the sun rise the
other morning at 5.23.
The way the young ladies now encourage their
beaux in New York is TO say to them; 81 wish
you would come up and be our coachman"
Conking says he will not be frightened from
attending the Republican state convention at
Saratoga next week, even by Sprague and his
shot gun.
country editor perpetrates the following up
on the marriage OF u Mr.. Husband to the lady Of
his choice:
The case is the strongest We have known in our
life,
The husbands a husband, and so is his wife.
The young man who wishing to know the pro
nunciaton of word, was advised to consult the
authorities interviewed Marshal Harris and Pc
lice Magistrate Iarkin. They differed
Although Talmage is frequently called an ora
torica acrobat, the New York Times is assured
by persons who are familiar with his preaching,
and have sat, so to speak, under the shadow Of
his trapeze, that he never breaches in an invert-
ed position.
Some one has been rummaging through an old
English grave yard and picked out few cpl
taphs. Here is a new way Of giving the dates of
birth and death:
81 am expecting you-A. D. 1924 Here am
A. d. 1861"
In Bath Abbey he found the following inscribed
on a handsome stone:
Here lies Ann Man,
She lived an Old Maid,
And died an Old Man.
Here is one that is almost a Islander on the
druggists
In this grave rcposes dear little dead
Susie Lee her name, and her age just one year.
She died of drug stuff in too large dose,
Which threw her in fits and made her vamosc. |
Here is one who was evidently pedcstriennc:
Poor Martha Smell, hers gone away
Her would II her coud, but she couldn't stay |
Herd two sore legs and baddish cough,
But her legs it was as carried her OIL
Any father who would 20 out and put tar on
his front gate after dark must be lost to all sense
Of humanity and ordinary responsibility -Dtroa
Fire. Press. II is unnecessary, too; they'l stay
there long enough without being stuck there
Boston Post. To see their daughters "stuck up"
is a weakness with parents Diron Toegraph
Sing hey the merry maiden and the tar.1U0,a
NeipS.
While n baggage man WAS "snaking" a trunk
out of the Boston d Providence railroad depot at
Boston, the other day. IL eXplodod-not the depot
or the baggage man, but the trunk-and blew
the gentle trunk breaker twenty feet into the air
He came down alive and vigorous, still grasplnE
the trunk strap all that rcmaiRed OF the III fated
baggage. THIS should be an awful warning to
passengers who think that baggage smasher
can be killed by pound or two OF cartridges
concealed In trunk. -RaI,rdy Ags
Carl schurz, interviewed by a reporter Of the
Cincinnati Enquirer, admits that he is opposed to
the Grant boom because Grant treated him with
contempt and reno ed his brother-in-law from
the Chicago custom house; but when asked
about Sherman, the great German statesman
said:
mine trent, aldough said it, who shouldn't,
yet dere's only one man in dis goundry who is
hees SUPERIOR in indellcgtual gabacity. You will
excuse me from spoken alma farder on dat CUES
ton
Boz lngcrsol is enthusiastically engaged in
New York In working up his party "rherc is
but one thing needed" he says, "to accomplish
all the great reforms we PROPOSE" and when
asked what that one thing was, he said 'to re-
peal bad laws and pass good ones" Bob deserves
a patent for the idea--it is SO entirely new, You
know.
The Springfield Gosette gives version Of Casa
blanca somewhat different from that usually
found in the school readers, but quite as good:
The boy sat on the back yard fence, whence all
but him had fed, the flames that lit hit fathers
barn shone Just above the shed. One bunch Of
crackers in his hand, two Others in his hat, with
ptcous accents loud he cried II never thought
Of that bunch Of crackers to the taI of one
small dog he'd tied; the dog in anguish sought
the barn and mid its ruins died. The sparks
hew wide and red and hot, they lit upon that
brat; they fred the crackers in his hand, and exc
those in his hat Then came burst OF rafting
sound-the boy, Where was he goneg Ask Of I
the winds that far around strewed bits Of meat ,
and bone, and scraps Of clothes and balls and tops
and nails and hooks and yarn the relics Of the
dreadful boy that burned his fathers barn.
NELONCHOLIC.
Three melons went sailing out in the West,
Nutmeg, water and musk
Three little boys at evening dusk,
While nature brooded in damp suspense, I
Climbed over ten-rail, eight-foot fence
And slowed melon beneath each vest. |,
Three little COLES appeared that night .
And tackled the cherubs three IL
% the prOan. the main. the misery.