River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-06-12
The Tragedy at SIoan,s.


'sDo 1 understand. Mrs. Sloan.'' said the
Magistrate, sthat you make charge of
attempted infanticide against your hus-
band l''
"Well, not exactly that replied Mr..
Sloan. "1our Honor, the situation is this.
We have one baby year and half old.
and then we also have twins just two
months old. Little cherubs, both of them.
Their mothers turn-up nose, per-
haps, but my eyes and my amiable expres-
sion.'
"His hair, too, Your Honor" said Mrs.
Sloan, .'his hair-red.,'
"Before we were married, may it please
the Court, said Mr.. Sloan, s'she was fond
of abiding to it as auburn But no matter.
She went yesterday to Woman Suffrage
Convention. | staid at home with the chill
dren, three of them, Your Honor |
only have tioo arms. When two of the
little folks cried, L would set down a
silent one and carry those that
screamed. Then the one / put down
would begin, and I'd have to pick him
up and lay down another and then Il
would scream. tried to carry the odd
one pig-a-back but it was no use, he ac0uld
slip down and bump his nose on the floor
Imagine the situation. 1t was hard. / was
nearly wild. Only two nursing-bottles, too
and the third baby yelling like Grow Indiar
while the twins We're feeding.o
Couldn't he suck his thumb?" asked the
Magistrate.
Mrs. Sloan won't let him. She closed
the gate of joy, so to speak, against her owl
oHsprinel Absolutely prohibited the child
from sucking its own thumb Nero, in hi
worst days, never went that far, l i'm
agine.'
"The historians forgot to mention it if b,
did" said the Justice.
Precisely. Well, got along as well as
could, when in comes Roy with note from
Mrs. Sloan saying that Mrs. Gibbs, the vice
president of the convention, wanted her babl
out of the way while she was comforting will
the select committee on ways and means, Sc
| in comes the sergeant alarms with Mrs
Gibbs baby for me to take care of. Tina
| made four. Your Honor, if Mrs. Gibbs
baby grows up and becomes a missionary
he can preach to the heathen in Africa with
out leaving home. He has voice like
fog horn. So he tuned in and cried. anC
the other babies cried for sympathy"
sit was hard, !" said the magistrate.
"Hard! Well, Tn an accommodating
man, 50 put one twin in one cradle an
rocked 1t with my right foot, and | put til,
other IN another cradle and rocked it witt
my left foot; then / sat Gibbs baby on on,
knee and Johnny on the other, and by pc
culiar action of my legs kept all four in mo
ton. You understand Well, sir, just a
caimness began to prevail, in comes the ser
geant-at-arms again with the secretary
baby. Said Mrs. Sloan had sent it while TIL,
secretary wrote up her minutes, and wouldn'
= ok after it for WHILE"
"Was it asleep?"
"Well, no. Now don't want to exagger
ate, your honor. | am under oath, and
shall try to state the fact mildly. But l an
sadly mistaken if you couldn't blow church
organ with the secretary's baby's left lung
II whooped and hallooed in such manne
as 10 alarm me. Then Gibbs baby JOINED
in, and they gave us duet. Pretty sooi
our three turned up for a chorus, and-well
suppose a whole orphan asylum should sud
denly have a spasm of stomaeh-ache, ant
YOU can form some idea of the racket"
"Couldn't you quiet them by singing t'
them?"
"No. sir, YOU couldn't have heard bass
drum in that room"
"What did you dor"
81 gave the family Bible to one twin, ant
put Webster's Unabridged Dictionary on the
lap OF the Otnef, iueIeAy W pay "AtA'
! thought I'd 60 down stairs and get some
milk for the whole crowd. / did. When
came up, as had only two nursing bottles
emptied bottle of hair renoyator, which
Mrs. Sloan uses -"
II don't p exclaimed Mrs. Sloan.
/ Sand a oastor-oil bottle. / put tue mill
in these and in an old paregoric bottle
punched holes through the corks, and handed
them around. When | came to the twins
thew had the Bible and the dictionary lylns
right on their bosoms, and they were blue II
the face too heavy, your Honor So hac
to pick them up and souse them couple Of
times in the bath tub to bring them to anc
when | got back into the room with them,
found Gibbs baby in spaSms from the TASTE
of the hair restorer, and the Secretaryf
baby had swallowed the cork, and the othel
child looked as if the castor-oil bottle some
how had not agreed with it. A minute later
in came Mrs. Sloan and the Secretary, aRd
Mrs Gibbs, and they hustled me out.
don't know what happened after that, but
believe it was old Gibbs put Mrs. Sloan up tc
charging me with murder"
"The case is dismissed" said the Justice
and the Sloans withdrew. Mrs. Sloan has
hired a nurse.-4Nd8 Adeter, IN ". D.
Weekly.