The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-02-28
WHAT THE WITS SAY,

Danbury Neses Tin Hartford ton O
ice costs thirty-seven and a half cents, O.
three tons for 81. This does not include
postage, of course" -..
Here is horrible one from the fiend Of
the New Haven Register: 'Don't venture
on the ice just now, boys. II you should
break through you might take bad cold
and, perhaps, have coffin fit"
The amenities of Journalism fairly bloom
in Idaho. One editor ont that way threat
ems to mail another editors "yulnersble
hide to the wall and make it look like q
woodchuck's skin on country barn doc,
in bean time.-AIta.
Men of decided onvictions-convicts.-
Newport HeraId. Men of scents-perfum-
ers.--Boston Post. Men of parts-divorce
lawyers. Cincinnati Commercial. Men of
many minds -- phrenologists. Neso York
Herald. Men of mark-lead pencil manu-
facture.
"Never kiss girl If she doesn't want
you to- says an article on the cart OF
Kissing" But pretty often when girl
says she doesn't want to kiss her is the very
time she does want you to. and you'd bet
ter take the benefit of the doubt.--Bufa1o
Commercial Adusrtiser. .-.
The champion long-nosed man resides at
Sacramento, It's owner was at breakfast,
when friend seated on the opposite side
of the table, knowing him to be little
near-sighted, remarked "There's fly on
tho end of your nose." els there?" re-
sponded the owner of the horn of plenty.
" I don't know it. Just please scare him
off you're nearer to him than am"
Should you enter any place where there
may be a savage dog, take off your hat OR
other covering, and hold it between you
and the dog. He will not attack you.--
Exchange. The writer of the foregoing will
be good enough to enclose check for the
value of the following articles, to-wit: One
felt hat entirely worried, one coat-tail IN
strips, one pair of pants severely disabled,
and a varied assortment of lacerated feel
ings.-Neso York Commercial Advertiser.
"Poor Herbert. How I wish you did
not have to slave SO at that horrible store
from morning till night p said his wife, as,
with fond caress, she seated herself on
her husbands knee, and gently stroked the
auburn locks from his sloping brow. And
that grave stern man of business under
stood her at once, and answered Well,
Susie, what is it-a bonnet, Or what?" Go
light ON me. for money is scarce'n ever."-
Chicago Tribune.
One of the saddest lngual mistakes on
record occurred a few evenings ago in a
local prayer meeting. The bulk of the
audience consisted Of elderly females. A
worthy printer, with more faith than oral
rhetoric, arose to speak with the remark
that hs probably could not do as we'll 'sas
the old hands about him. The elderly
females, being hard of hearing, understood
him to say ola hens,n and he was prompt,
~ hustled out. They didn't give him time
enough either to explain that it was typo.
graphical error. or lay it to the worst
"slug" in the Office. Such is life.-Deagsr
Meas.
Two beautiful girls, who are room-mates
in clearinghouse on the west side, and
who are noted for their beautiful hair-one
a perfect blonde and the other an extreme
brunette--made a horrifying mistake the
other morning. Arising early and dressing
hurriedly in the bark, both wended their
way down, and had seated themselves at
breakfast when the fact stood revealed that
the pair had changed hair. the brunette |
sporting a two-eolored top-knot, and the |
blonde wig of jetty black. Two break |
fasts were scored to the landlady that morn |
ing Mtlasaukse Nesos,