The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-09-12
ItennS.
"A bouncing baby-rubber doll.

-Washerwomen, too, report great in
crease in the iron business.
Passions are perhaps the stings With
out which, it is said, no honey is made.
If a man mods his head and sighs, that
doesn't prove that he belongs to a synod.
After all, the most laughable Jest cam
not double you up quicker than cucum-
ber will.
When an office seeker endeavors to
start boom for himself, it frequently turns
out a boomerang.
Hampton thinks the man who white
washes ceilings is in sublime buoiness.
This is lin joke.
"A white man who had married ne
gress black rs the ace of spades, offered col
or-blindness as an excuse.
1t doesn't do to look squint-eyed at a
man with pistol in Texas, unless you pre-
fer to look like porous plaster.
There are more watches worn in the
United States than in any other country but
do the people have a better timer -
The papers are printing a recipe ito
make an apple TART But we don't think
it improves an apple to make it tart.
"A wag who had lent minister horse
that ad run away and thrown the clergyman
claimed credit for spreading the gospel.
Learn your boys a trade is the head
ing of an article in an exchange That edi-
tor should get some one to teach him
trade.
An individual who called his first
daughter Kate, when his wife surprised him
with another girl, promptly christened her
Duplicate.
AS softly as the moon steals behind
a cloud, Just so steathily does the small boy
scoot behind the fence to smoke pipe of
his fathers tobacco.
-Graudma-'Yes, ch ildren when / WAS
as young as you are | used to walk in my
sleep Tommy eagerly Say Gran'ma,
what time did you make?
There is always supply where there
is demand. Second hand hoop skirts for
hen coops having become scarce, the ladies
will Immediately readopt the crinoline.
"A New York letter to the Chicago Tri-
bune says people will yet go from New
York to Chicago for dollar. But will
they get it when they arrive there ? That is
the question.
The colOred brother in a Virginia church
hit the nail on the head when he prayed at
the close of the white brothers sermon /:
Lord bress de brudder to whom we has
listened so patiently
When you pick up an old rusty pistol
that is not loaded, if you have the least
doubt about the propriety of committing sui
| eide at once always point the muzzle at
some one else when you pull the trigger.
| Some one in Boston has invented new
oN,, ,f h<,, D., h.al &c. s-hl
| commended. They have copper seat sheet
iron knees and are riveted down in the
seams, and have waterproof pockets to hold
broken eggs.
Mamma, remarked an interesting in
fant of four, where do you go when you
| die? One can't be certain, darling. How
can mamma tell? She has never died yet
Yes but havn't you studied geography
| When you see young man with a wild
haggard look negotiating for a rocking. chair
and soap-dish, you can know that his
landlady insists on his replacing the furni-
ture he threw out of the window at the cats
the night previous.
There trying lot of Pinafore singers
in there said Smith to Jones as they pass
ed building whence foated strains of "A
maiden fair to see etc. Glad of it,, re-
turned the misantoropical Jones; hope they
will give 'em sixty days and COSTS
Who cut your hair? p is a slang Western
expression, but to give it full force it should
be addressed to bald-headed man.
Never tell man who is using restora-
tive that h is hair is coming out nicely
such compliment might seem somewhat
ambiguous.
He who would amass virtues, leaving
out the guardian virtue humanity, is like q
man who leaves precious dust exposed to
, the wind.
The keenest abuse of Our enemies will
not hurt us so much in the estimation of the
discerning as the injudcious praise of our
friends.
Il No man is wiser for his learning il
may administer matter to work in or OBJ ject
!, to work upon but wit and wisdom are borr
with man.
The highest ambition to which som,
' men ever aspire, is to be able to pick thei
teeth in front of the leading hotel of the cit,
q in which they live.
q "A magazine writer says the German
. turn naturally to music We thought
was the Italians who turned most natural
ly to music.
/. "A young lady was undecided whether t,
70 accept the addresses OF James or John. Jam
IL es gave her a sealskin sacque, and she i'm
o mediately gave the sack to John.
, We have read of man who has beel
e angry for thirty years on a stretch. 1t
the worst case of standing choler that W
ever knew.
Sunday school teacher; you mui
recolect that all l am telling you happene
t, Pupil: 'Lor,' miss, how the time do sli
e.. awayP
IN Mr.. George Rope, of San Franc isco, z,
VI drunk and proceeded to bathe in the publ
N fountain. They arrested him, not wantiI
any tight-rope exhibitions in the street.
j. The wild chimpanzee carries clu
be as weapon. The connecting link is II
N blonde young man with eye glasses, wi
parts his hair in the middle and lugs hui
stick under his arm.
al --'Aw, it is not to be wondered at 7
marked Mr.. Toplofty as he adjusted his ey
eo glass, sea bathing has grown unpOpula
ort becawse you see, aw, the vulgah herd to,
Of to the watah, and it has become vewy muC
,v- soiled.
'dn -'Is this the place p she asked, as =
in wandered down on the barren sands, WHIT
,ay young lady-a beautiful young lady--f
!. a in the water last season and Was rescued
lah a gallant young man whom she afterws
ok married p He looked at her care fully, es
mated her at a square for y.seven, with ia
IN teeth, and said Yes, madam, but l do
know how to swim.
ut "A clergyman was agreeably surprii
the o hhu pump iutSey served up ior
'au was obtained, Why, sir, replied Sam
iio, dat turkey has been roosting on our fe
ich tree nights 30 dis morning seize him
all de rent OBJ de ience.'