The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-03-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

CAN you get bark from ships log?
A COMING man-The man for his
rent.
AN angry man should pull down his
choler.
"THAT settles it." as the egg-shell said
to the coffee.
The latest out-The boy who is kept
after school"
STANDS are always sold at auction to
the buy-standers.
THE ROSTERS spur is more penetrat-
ing than cats purr.
Is IT right to condemn a remark be-
cause we think it trite?
ALWAYS hanging around The fellow
who puts on wall paper.
A STANDING offer Offering your seat
in street car to lady.
A FAMIsHED tramp says he is dead OPP
posed to the Hungary Diet.
IF young lady wants home of her
own she will not man-shun.
The honeymoon is too often only an
other name for the sigh-moon.
A MAN who appeared to have *lost
much of his old zeal" was advised to en-
igrate to New Zealand.
MARY had little lamp
Filled full of kerosene;
She took it once to light fire,
And has not since benzine.
SOME men are SO everlastingly lazy
that not even the "spur of the moment"
is penetrating enough to set them in mo-
ton.
FoRTY-F1vE years ago the Garden
City was known as Tuck Chicago; and
Chicago tuck the lead straightway.-
Chicago Commercial Advertiser.
1.-TWO MOUTHS with but single stew,
two spoons that dip as one," as the
young man remarked to his dearly be-
loved, after giving his economical order
Of "One stew, two spoons"
FAIR one during an interval in the
valse) -"Y You're very fond of dancing,
amt your" Brown" Yaas; I go in
for it a good deal" Fair one-"I won
der you don't learn. -Pat9ach.
A WIDOW, intending to succeed her
uuSD11O LII OI1O VI % hObCl.
advertised that g the hotel will be kept
by the widow of the former landlord,
Mr.. Brown, who died last summer on a
new and improved plan"
In struggling to make dull-brained
boy understand what conscience is,
teacher fnally..asked, "What makes you
feel uncomfortable after you have done
wrong?" Fathers leather strap"
feelingly replied the boy.
"OH, Mr.. Grubbles!" exclaimed
young mother, shouldn't you like to
have family of rosy boys about your
knee?" "No, ma'am," said the disa-
greeable old bachelor; It'd rather have
lot of yellow boys in my pocket"
AN Irishman remarked to his com
panion, on observing lady pass;
:" Pat, did you ever see so thin a woman
as that before?" "Thin!" replied the
other; botherashen! I seen a woman
as thin as two of her put together, so
have" 4.,.........
A VERY old lady on her de@th-bed, in
penitential mood, said i II have been
q great sinner more than eighty years,
and didn't know it, An old darkey
woman who had lived with her a long
time exclaimed: "Lors! kpowed it
all the time" j,H '''" ''.t ..'
THERE was much more fact than fancy
in the cross reply of an unfortunate fe-
male culprit, when under cross-examina-
ton in a petty court, by brow-beating
limb of the law. Madam" he demand
ed, "what sort of conduct have you pur-
sued through life that should subject
you to the suspicion of this outrage
upon the PLAINTIFF" She answered:
2" Impudence, which has been the max
ing Of you, has caused my ruin I i
DIR. GLYNN, whose name is still re-
membered in Cambridge, being one day
in attendance on lady in the quality of
her physician, took the liberty of lectur-
ing her on the improperly of eating
cucumber, of which she was immoder-
ately fond, and gave her the following
recipe for dressing them: @Peel the GU
cumber," said the doctor, with great
care; then cut it into very thin slices,
pepper and salt it well, and then-throw
-fif4tIfI.I FEstfE.f