The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-04-19
Y0rick's Drawer.

There comes to Yorick the story of a
Portland man who complains bitterly of his
wife's extravaganza in body.linen and says she
is fool for wearing fine clothing that no one
but himself sees. To some men that would
be the greatest merit the clothing had.
"a Tobacco Lover'' asks Yorick if he
mas heard OF the novel way of coloring the
bowl OF meerschaum pipe. The bowl is
first soaked in solution of nitrate of silver in
ether and alcohol, aud in five minutes after
the tobacco is set on fire the color is brought
out and fixed by the heat. The poor con-
Germ is called sympathetic pipe" A
"chr0mo pipe" would be better name.
The thing is as worthless as pewter coin,
as made-wine, as "modern antiquities, as
a forged manuscript. No true "Tobacco Lov-
er" would use it we're he paid million dol
lars minute for his degradation.
For the benefit of very weak headed boys
an imitation cigarette has been invented. 1t
has bit OF red tinsel on the end that may,
after dark, be mistaken for fire. Those who
use it perhaps find it more Sympathetic"
than tobacco. Years ago young boys sucked
cigars made of maple sugar frosted at the
end SO as to look like an ash. The counter
felt cigarette might be made of sugar, and the
boy whom tobacco makes giddy, could suck
his sugar-tit under the pleasing impression
that he was deceiving somebody as to his
age and manliness.
The cigarette has its uses, perhaps, but
| 1t is only fit for idlers. No man can work
with cigarette in his mouth. 1t is a
holiday affair, or proper only for those of
| measureess leisure. Another and great OBJ
! lection to its use is that it renders the ac-
quirement of the habit of smoking altogether
too easy. The way to smoking, like that to
happiness and fame, should be through
much tribulation. knowledge acquired
without effort is lightly held. We only ap-
preciate the attalnments which we have sac
rificed much to secure. Those who have not
done heavy service to cloud-compelng Zeus
are not worthy to minister at his affairs. IF
Yorick had his way no novice shcGld be Fer
mitted to toy with cigarette or trife with
cigar. He whose aspiration for the delights
of the gentle plant will not lead him to mas
ter the pipe grown honorable with age and
mighty with constant use of its faculties is
unworthy to enter the paradise OF the smok-
er.
The matter is with the young men who
affect imitation cigarettes or take unequal
pufs at long intervals at the real thing, they
do not want to smoke so much as they want
the reputation of smoking Yorick remem-
bers that in his early youth he fashioned
bowl of red clay and baked it in the stove OF
good-natured shop keeper. A willow stem
secured, he filled the pipe with sweet-fern,
carefully dried, and putting the uncouth
thing in his mouth, sauntered up the village
street, feeling as big as the proverbial Billy
of the profane cognoinen. His wild career
was brought to an abrupt close, the pipe was
shattered past surgery" and he found him
self listening TO words that made him feel
himself the fool he was. His interlocutor
had healthy and impatient hatred of shams
and was rather more concerned to find YoI-
lex smoking sweet-fern than he would have
been 10 find that ambitious youngster smok.
ing tobacco. "You are little ape'', he said.
ga monkey will pick up stick and suck at
it the same as his master at pipe. II you
loved tobacco it might be different. But you
are initiating foolish habit without any ex-
cuse. You are trying to appear worse than
you are. What would you think of boy
who went about pretending to be drunk?'
Yorick didn't say what he would think, for
he remembered an excursion to cider-mill
with some comrades few days before, and
how the boys drank much of the apple-juce
as it trickled from the press, and tried to per-
suade themselves that they were in state of
vinous exaltation. But he smoked sweet
fern Lo more. Long after that he made ac-
quaintance with tobacco, and as he was
walking about with cigar in his mouth,
rather proud of his acquaintance, met his
kind monitor, and hastily threw the weed
away. II am glad you're ashamed OF smok-
ing in the Streets" was the only comment.
This contemplate affecta!ion of vice is
Most of them have little inclination to vicious
ness, but they love to be thought "wd," to
become objects of solicitude to their girl
friends and to iDjudicious or easily alarmed
acquaintances. If they get to be really bad
the solicitude is annoying, the rebukes cause
for anger. But as long as they know they
are not wicked, as long as they preserve their
sense of honor, they like the coddling and
the notoriety that follows mad freaks. But
one vice they all have. They are enormous
liars. They will get together and lie to each
other by the hour. One will assert that he
breaks hearts as Bogardus does glass balls
Another insists that the other night
To make BIN strong and mighty
He drank by the tale six pots Of ale
And quart Of aqua vitae.
Another says he sapped with variety ac-
tress, and puts on the airs of a Sardan apalus
Yet another pretends to intimacy with some
noted prize-fighter, and tells how he aston
ished the prze-fghter by his skill, and how
the hero of the ring prophesed great things
of him. Another knows all the trotting-
horses in the country, says he has seen them
all, and kindly tells his comrades what bets
to make. Another, who has selected some
man, very likely without provocation, for the
object of peculiar and deadly hate, talks
darkly Of hunting his victim down.
The boys never believe each other, though
the speaker perhaps thinks he is imposing
| upon the listeners. They don't mean any
harm by their lying. They only want to be
| considered little smarter than their COM
rades, or perhaps are instlnctively training
themselves to write insurance reports or
mining prospectuses or patent medicine ad-
vertisements or political platforms. For the
most part they are very ridiculous and silly.
That's all, and that's enough. Most of them
grow up to be honest and useful men, though
they do find it, even in their old age, difficult
to refrain from lying about women.
Moses and his military skill inspire two
correspondents. Iser writes:
Your German authority does not give
Moses proper credit when he says he had no
military education. Josephus says that he
served as Commander-in-chief against the