San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1879-01-25
WIT AND WISDOM.


The best illustrated paper out-A
bank note. HA
IT you've got bad wife don't "liquor.'
II does no good.
NOTHING makes O person laugh "a
much as set of new teeth.
A small boy classes pies US "cross-barred
open.toppod and kivered."
SITTING Bulls recipe for removing
dandruff from scalps begins: First get
ysur scalps! a~a,<asr.,......s.,
The average woman is composed OF
243 bones, 169 muscles. % old news.
papers and 2l0 hairpins. y
IT was an expressive remark Of pract-
ical man regarding the woman Of the
period, "She don't know enouglfto bile
hot water"
IT is hard for some men to understand
the Lord. He calls them to be meehan.
les and they straightway stumble int
the pulpit. M
In the bright lexicon of the modern
farmer there is no such word as fail.
All the threshing is done by machinery.
I-LoWeH Courier.
EDISON thinks he can light theatre
for $46O night, if the receipts are only
$3.50 where will be the gain over the
present system?
WE trust the undermost man in the
fight will not forget that the proverb
SAYS the anvil lasts longer than the ham.
mer.-Oil City Derrick.
KNOWING how to play cards and know
ing how to drink are the things which
lead many n young man to knowledge
of the inside of prison.
Why is it that some young men spend
about twenty-five cents day for cigars,
and wear the same pair Of socks four
consecutive weeks.-Rey'aolds Herald.
A "cute" young wife says: when
want a nice snug day all to myself, tell
George dear mother is coming, and then
I see nothing of him until one in the
morning"
A company of settlers, in naming their
new town, called it Dictionary, because,
as they said, "that's the only place where
peace, prosperity and happiness are al
ways found"
CHARLES LAMB, when little boy,
walking with his sister in churchyard,
and reading the epitaphs, said to her:
MARY, where are all the naughty peo-
pie buried?"
"WELL," said an old bachelor when
he found basketful of baby on hisfront
steps, "some men are born babies, snms
achieve babies, and some have babies
thrust upon them"
AYoUNG man in this town has painted
the picture of dog and tree SO life
like that a person can't distinguish the
bark of the dog from the bark OF the
tree.-WhHehaU Times.
AN Irishman, upon his arrival in the
United States, noting the great num-
Der of military titles, exclaimed: "What
devil of battle has been fought near
here, where all privates were kilt"
WHEN Mr.. Reynolds of Eaton county
paid the $5S 60 exacted from him as
penalty for whipping his wife, he re-
marked that taking the ugliness out OIL
woman is an expensive business.
GLOW to break up q setting hen, was
a recent query before the Farmers club.
For hens afflicted with that form OF in
sanity sledg-hammer is the only effect
ual remedy. Anyone who recommends
a milder method is quack.
The moon is just the thing for coon
hunting or sleigh-riding, but it isn't
worth much for gathering chickens or
talking about the greenback movement
over the front gate with another fellows
girl.-Bridgeport Standard.
A LITTLE shaver, going on an errand'
met an acquaintance, to whom ne pro-
pounded the following conundrulm:
why am I like penny" The other
fellow gave it up. 81 am like penny
said the little man, because l am one
SENT" And he went his way.
AT Venison Grove, Fannin county,
last week, William Johnston, local cor
respondent of the Bonham News, WINE
cutting down pine tree, was caugn'
by limb and killed in the fall OF an.
other tree carried down by the tree n0
was telling.
THERE is nothing which fills the sou
of young man with CONSERVATION 50
much as to take his best girl to prayer
meeting, and have the pastor call up9u
"our stranger friend for few remaih'
and prayer, Jersey City Jo'tf7'o"
New Haven county, Conn.,, is credi !sa
with having the meanest man IN 'uo
State. When he sends his hired man
down celler to draw cider, he makes hlin