Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1879-04-23

|
: OIL YOURSELF A MrTLE.-Onoe there lived
an old gentleman in an extremely large house.
He had servants and everything he wanted.
yet be was not happy, and when things did not
20 as he wished ho was very CROSS. At last his
servants left him. Quite out OF temper be
went to his peigbbor With the story OF Els dis
tress.
1T seems to me-" said his neighbor, saga
ciously. lit would be we'll for you TO oil your'
self little"
ITO oil myself?"
"Yes | will exp!aio. Some time ago one Of
nv doors oreaksd. Nobody therefore liked TO
20 in or out of it. One day l put oil on the
| hinges. and it has been constantly used by
everybody since" -,
$50 you think then that am like craak'
ing door" said the old gentleman. "E2W %
you want me to oil nyself?,"'
40, bomo ond ann.no Nn.rnnt "-a "h"- +"
dSes tisbt praise him. If, on the contrary, ne
does apything amiss, do not bo cross; oil your
voice and your words with the oil OF floVe.,
The old gentleman went home. and no harsh
or ugly words were ever heard 10 inc house
atterRard Every family should nave :, some o.
this precious oil, for every family 10 ilaeIe TO
have creak log door 10 the shape Ct ffellu'
disposition, cros, tempor, harsh toue' OF
fault. GndiDg spirit.
| VALUATION or ssEs.-NotWiths:sndlng
the fact that the ics cream aud strawberry fss'
tival SEASON will 5000 be ushered 10, a New
| jersey church congregation at Eos'eWooa mas
devised new aud very taking schems tor rals
ing finds. Ii has many advantages over the
old orat, big apd fair schemes, os It costs moth
inc TO get up sud is bouod 10 time 10 wrenon
The last sbekel cut OF every man Ia. the com-
munitv, jf the sisters are endowed With proper
christiau fortitude and have physical enduranc'
to stand it. The plsn is simply to charge so
= much for kissiog aud huegng the sisters.
rate of charges was fixed, %h'oh appears 70 %
yery reasonable aud lust. u bat!t competition
starts up, tho 6autes given, and Wnich were
ber. charged, NAV ba regarded as the ruling
prices Of ths market: Ten cents Tor kislos
p;rl between Is aod %; 5 cents extra Tor nus,
ginr. Five ceIts for kissing girl batWeea ~
and 80: CENTS extra tcr huggDg. Over So
: cents all arourd. For kissing young WiooW
q cent?; hulging ~ cents extra. For klssing
a married lady 50 cents; hugging % cents tx
ira. The new plan WoIkGd Like charm Inc
revenues were large; tho sisters made supreme
10 bappy aud although the young men 10 the
2 town over cxerted themselves -apd we're des-
perateg wild, get they ore sattsh,d.--fh"o'
Record O.. -------.-----.-. .---.--~" -.
= TIE NEWEST JUDICIAL FUNCTION: --lhe
knowledge required Of c,uutS ccu's juigss II
n,tnra]Iv very extensive, bu! Mr.. Fisher, who
o,curies the b,nch at Bristol, has hitherto
nroyed himself equal 10 every emergency. Hast
week, however, a dteass,sker sued a lady DC"
u fore him for the COST OF making dress. tho %
:. fense being that i. was miiGt. The lady r9~
" y t;reG TO q private room to try on tue dress 10
~ ina nresence of cx pcrts-fwo dtessmakets s-"hc
could not agree: ,:,,. ,,,-
re conrt for few miout.s. and had the parti7
hefore him 10 his private room, Whete inc
Il dresa was tried on. His Honor ptonounced II
a very bad misGt, aud gave ladgment 'oi 'nT a
n. defsndant lie also awarded her the c-s' G "
the material, which was claimed as 2 sM on
Doubtless the learned uiSo Is married, III ~ "
and 80 fit hims.If quite conpeic2t 10 g'V' ~
opilion. London Truth. -.E --.-
TIE DANGEROUS GIRL -rh: taking girl l.
r,re,v dangerous" The roal "dansorou
'ni sirp' is sho who saem1 by s'mo hna hsness u
n,a ito ,h, empty room 10 q aaa:s hear
e walk L.. ,vor been opened co another W "o
mh;oh b.. .n her abode there. Sh' ma
Hn.eu nss III a.. 80 = not be clever; she IA
man. anu 70 take ~. - -onaekablo dcgte'
pot 20 pr5ty, sue neeo -"~' aud e on
Do ootn OF tnese thioGs 10 a. ''.'. .-rgain.-
: aud ball room belle beaides, -
% d'e1vre of miIliner's art into the b.:
4 But she he's the Gilt over and beyond all t..
which renders all others subordinate She has
a way of listening which makes tho most re-
served msn elegant. ard her little speeches,
never audacious and rarely brilliant, have yet
q something tenacious about tbem,. aud o'isg to
e his mem org when be sits oytr his fire BY night
or goes about bis daily work. Thso her 4sc .
her distinct and vivid personality, pursuas bin;
Liz is the girl herself. not her bangles nor her
!, aounccs. tba! heramembers-LippincoHs Mag
Il dz,ne. .... ~. s...-.... ,.--...-: s-:-..
4 ALovlsa HUsDAND-Raliag M.a rai!oad
car: .. ..s....g .~.-~... ...:.- -.
Husband ou are quito comfortable; d,ar
RI Wife-Yes, love. '... &. -..-.-...+ -
Hushand-Thc cushions src easy aud soft.
ducky 2. .-. ~. .... .".". ;-.-'-'
a Wife-Y.s. .dsrlioe. -" a." --G 49,
Husband-You DONE feel aay iolts. pet:?<
Wife-No sweetest. 80 90. . - 40
Husbsud-Aud there is no d,au3ht on my
lamb, is there apgel? ,-'..-... -'-,- -. :"
l -WNe-Nor IL oWoest OVID. - t''' ~'-
Husbapd-Then change seats with me-.
Paris Figaro. a.. ."," 80 ,-~-
= The best FLANNEL SUITS, at S.. 81 $40 and
$l2, you will ind at s. DEALuAMs. e. King
st., corner Of Fairfax. So. - mn ga
PINAFoRE KID GLOVES. .--Wo have received
the agency Of this entire 5sw and cole eb'ated
: make of Kid Gloves 10 3, and 6 bustens'
= all shades imaginable, aud very cheap Under
euarantee, ISAAC EIcHBERG,