Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-09-25
HUnoR OF HE HOUR.


A cool thousand-half ton of ice.
You can tell young man raising a mus
tache as fuZz as you can see him.
The majority of people drowned in France
are found to be in Seine.-Yonkers States
man.
Unlike the flea, when you put your finger.
on hornet, he is there .-Syracuse Sunday
Times.
When thing is once begun it is almost
half finished-a kiss for instance.
vile Herald.
The man who finds a pocketbook with
cash in it doesn't look at paper for three
weeks.-Puck.
A little school boy asked his sister the
other morning what made her wear "pot-
hooks on her forehead
It is commendable I'd be proud of ones
birth place, provided it be not directly over
the bOiler.-NeW York News.
The candidate who can control himself
when serenaded by bH Ass band has made
rapid strides in his profe Bsion.
No sensible mother puf Is high-heeled shoes
on her children.-Pittsfe feld Sun. No; she
uses lipper.-Boston Post.
Many young man who sows his wild
oats trusts to the grasshopper of forgetful-
ness to destroy the crop .-Stubenville Her
aid.
If ship takes council of its masts, it
consults the fore or the main, because the
other is always mizzeh h-formed. .-Yonkers
Gazette.
Il don't know anything about boating"
said modest girl, ''but my brother John
says that smack on the lips is sometimes a
beau trace"
The reason every young lady takes to run
ming sewing machine is that there is a
''fel)er" comes with every machine. Water
loo Observer.
A poet sings of "blue-eyed grass" Why
not of ''golden-haired carrots" ''fairry-foot-
ed cabbages' and ''pale, dreamy, languorous,
sentimental asparagus?"
The sun shines for all, the moon for the
favored few; but how like the mischief the
stars wink at what is going on beneath them.
New Haven Register.
The boy who thought that the stars were
diamond studs in the shirt bosom of the skv
will probably 60 into the jewelry business
in the sweet by and by.
A young man in this city described q tax
dermist to bevy of young girls as one who
;ake.-Rochester Democrat.
Now is the time when the wise country
cousin writes to her city relation that neigh
)or across the way is stricken down with the
mallpox. Hartford Sunday Journal.
The meanest man in the world is the man
Who waits until circus comes along 80 that
le can steal his neighbor's chickens and Law
to ''those horrid circus men,"
The only kind Office performed for us by
ur friends of which we never complain, is
ur funeral, and the only thing which we are
ure to want happens to be the only thing
7hich we never purchase-our coff1n.-La-
oon.
We frequently hear people discussing the
elative excellences of the apple and pear.
et all such turn to Genesis and read of the
rst great victory of the apple over the pair.
hat should have settled it for all time.
In reply to person who asked him the
erivation of the word restaurant" Bayard
aylor replied jokingly, with merry twinkle
his eye, "Restaurant is derived from res,
thing, and taurus, bull-a bully thing"
He was disgusted boy. He had exer-
sed great caution and had finally succeeded
crawling, unobserved, under the canvas
to the tent. And he found it was not cir
Is, but revival meeting in progress.-Bos-
n Post.
A young clerk in Holyoke spent six hours
refrigerator the other day, having been
lprisoned by mistake. He felt on coming
It as though he had just been entertained at
fashionable church s0ciable.-Turners Falls