Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-02-01
COurier-JOurnal Rifle Balls.

A newspaper called the Public Good,
at Panford, California, has nominated
William M. Cory, of Cincinnati, for
President in 1880. Now it devolves
upon Mr.. Cory to stand up and say
what he can do for the Public Good, or
be forever silent.
One of the thieves who stole the body
of millionaire Stewart dropped copy
of the New York Herald The Herald
will now see what it has brought at
least one of it's readers to. Let it re-
form at once. Let it become per-
mainly Democratic.
The Washington Post does not hest
tate to characterize young lady who
recently 'gave q public reading" in
that city as ''recitatrist." The Post
must have known that the lady had no
big brother of her own, or it never
would have dared to apply to her so
opprobrious an epithet as that.
1t is said that NJ. Gambetta is going
to marry a widow with a fortune of
IS, 600, 900. Widows worth eight mil
lions, and yet Mr.. Tony Weller coolly
bids us 'bevare of the vidders"
Either Mr.. Tony Weller was wholly
unaware of the vast pecuniary posi-
bilities of widowhood or Mr.. Tony
Weller was drunk.
The last survivor of Napoleon's ex-
petition to Egypt has just died his
first death at the Invalide in Paris. AS
there are of course quite number of
him, as there was of the negro that
nursed Washington, he may be expect
ed to die annually now for the next
eight or ten years. If the people don't
begin to grow too incredulous, he won't
die out finally for dozen years yet.
Interior Journal: eff man is on
his way to the woods to commit sui
eide, and bull suddenly gives chase,
the chances are that he will run for his
life" OF course he will run. He is
going to the woods to commit suicide
and not to be killed by bull. Besides,
do you suppose man wants to have
his last moments disturbed by q per-
sonal difficulty that may cost him his
life?
Mr.. J. Fl. Williams, who writes the
funny things in the Norristown PA
Herald, has just been called upon to
mourn the loss of rich old uncle in
Holland. The press everywhere sym
pathizes with Mr.. Wms.-whose name
lack of space forces us thus to abre-
viate here-but the same time it is glad
to know that to his emotions of grief
are not to be added the pangs of star
walton, as the last official act of the de-.
ceased was to leave him $4,000.
Cali the fish stories" says the Hart
ford Courant, "have not yet been told"
Maybe not, but don't you begin to tell
them, or you cant tie yourself to this
exchange list with the chain-cable of
the Great Eastern. Base is the slave
that tells fish stories, and you will find
that every newspaper that persistently
does so loses half it's subscribers
every time it tells one. And the
fellow who comes along annually with
q story of the sea-serpent-the fittest
offering to the gods is the assassination
of such bores.
"Idaho having been overrun with
rabbits" says an exchange, land the
Legislature, in order to have them
thinned out, having offered bounty of
two cents pair for their ears, the
commissioners of one county alone now
have in their Office the ears of 1865
rabbits. What in the name of oil that
is worthless will they do with them
all?" We really cant tell, unless Prof.
Edison can devise some plan by which
they may all be utilized in the manu-
facture of jackasses or Cincinnati re-
porters, or some other animal that is
all ears.
Nearly all the would-be assassins
who are singing lead around among
the crowned heads of Europe are young
men. As general thing it is difficult
to determine which is the greater fool,
the old fool or the young fool;
but when kings are to be shot at the
older exhibits o glimmer CT restraining
intelligence that the younger never
knows. At fifty the fanatic feels that
life and lead are too short and scarce to
be wasted in that sort Of gunnery, and
is quite willing to stand aside and let
the favorite son of his mother-in-la law
usurp the honor of the case and its con-
sequences.
The Rev. A. B. Lamberton is q can
didate for Congress in the Rochester
IN. W district. The Rochester In
DIN says he 'was forced by physical
disability to abandon his pious calling"
If this be so-if, by preaching two or
three sermons week, he has broken
down his constitution or shattered his
health badly-he ought by all means
60 to Congress, where, in the solubri-
GUS, ife-giving atmosphere of the
capitol, he will have nothing to do
but to recline in o luxuriously -cushion-
ed chair, and read the newspapers,
now and then feeling his pulse to see
how rapidly he is recovering FROM the
effects of over work. Great sanitarium,
is Congress.
They say "that some Of the Washing
ton ministers have formally entered
their disspprobation of expensive and
DESTINATIONS funerals" And they are
quite right, too. A gorgeous burial
case, silver mounted and satin-lined,
a magnificent four.horse hearse, shad-
owed by costly plumes and bediamoned
with plate-glass, and row of carriages
mile long-in these, and other things
quite as useless and expensive, envious
l