The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-12-26
CLEANS M HuxoR

Let nature give u young man cheek
and all other things will be added unto
him.
Some more cheese. please, papa 81
mo, my dear child, you have already
ha0 enough. When l was q child had
to eat my bread and smell my cheese"
We'll, then, give me piece to SMELL"
Scene: Recitation room in natural his
tory. InstructOr-Mr ", have YOU ever
put your head down ON any ones breast
and listened to the heart beats, as Hulk
ley describes them. Mr.. X. (blushing)
Yes, sir.
A prominent Congressman took his
daughter to task the other evening be-
cause she permitted her lover I'd stay
cwhile after 10 O'Clock. LA, pa" she
said I'VE were only holding little extra
session"
A Front street man got belt the other
day for making twolaps. The second was
the cooks, and his wife caught him at it,
The bel, was received just around the
corner from the left ear, and was made
with stove litter.
lit always makes an unhealthy man
feel uncomfortable" remarks the Steu-
benvllle Herald, when he meets an I'M
dertaker every day about the same place,
<.
calculating kind of way
Two ladies presented themselves ut the
door of fancy ball, and, On being ask
ed by the usher what characters they
represented, replied that they were not
in special costume, whereupon he bawled
out, Two ladies without any character"
A Bergen preacher said: The little
good any of US can do must be done with
our hearts humping against the hearts
of our fellow-men." And every young
woman in church looked at every other
young woman and smiled approvingly
10 keep away from that window"
said he. but Pm not afraid of the
lightning" replied she. 'Ah, dear"
continued the youth frantically, little
| do you realize how attractive you are"
And having made this appeal he was
able to conduct 'er away.
The wife of defeated candidate for a
state Office in this state, the day after the
election presented her husband with
triplets. He did not arrive at home un-
til the next day, when lie was shown his
offspring, one at time, until all three
had been examined, when, looking quiz
Zingly down at his wife, asked, Are the
returns all in, M'riah ~
What time is II: :" asked Henry Ward
Beecher while in a Brooklyn express
company's Office few days ago, as he
took out his watch. Ten o'clock" an
swered the person addressed. "Why,
| I'm ten minutes past ten" remarked the
divine. II guess you're little fast,"
suggested the other. YES" said Mr..
Beecher, 81 believe some people say So"
"Waggs went 10 the station of one Of
| our railroads the other evening, and fin1-
ing the seats all occupied, said, in loud
tone. "Why, this car isn't gOing!" Of
course those words caused a general
stampede, and Wages took the best seat.
| The train soon moved Off In the midst
of the indignation the wag was question
| ed. You said this car wasn't going?'
well, it wasn't then" replied Wages
''bu. it is nov"
A clergyman's wife had impressed up
on her little boy the necessity of ejecting
the skins of grapes, and IL few days after.
ward she told him the story of Jonah
and the whale The whale is very
large monster and he swallowed Jonah
Did he swallow other men, too 2" Il
suppose he did," said the mother, who
was somewhat in doubt. And did he
spit the skins out, too?''
The Sunday school scholars had bee Il
| given card full of Bible quotations, and
one little boy, whom we will callpohnny
Brown, recited his quotation: II will
never forsake thee" The good pastor
then said, Now, children, who said
this? Can any one tell me who said
these words" A moments oppressive
silence followed, when wee girl sud
denly piped out: at was Johnny
Brown"