The New York herald., 1879-02-23
CHAT BY THE WAY.

The man who dodges behind his newspaper when
lady enters the crowded is the who piously
hates hireling ministry and refuses to pay his pew
rent on principle.
The women of Massachusetts are competent to
take philosophic view Of the most perplexed prob
lens. When one Of them was informed that there
were more women than men in the State she ut once
replied that the fact in accordance with the
scientific doctrine of the survival of the Attest
An epitaph easily be made to suggest the do
mestic history OF many years For instance:-
Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,
Who died for peace and quetness sake;
His wife WAS constantly scolding and scofin',
SO he sought for reposc in . twelve-dolar coffin.
Be very careful il you regard yourself the guar
dian of your own honor. that you do not occupy
the position Of . sinecure
An intidel said sarcsstcally to clergyman :--'T
always spend Sunday in settling my accounts" The
reverend gentleman did not wther expected. but
simply replied :--"And you will probably spend the
day OF judgment in the same way
It is sometimes just well not to 60 into the
homes of great reformers. because many . man is
able to tell others how to reform than to prac
tise his preaching.
The mind Of the mule is very peculiarly
structed. but not altogether illogical impartial
observer. The secret Of his mode Of action is the
conviction that the man who him is
reasonable being. who wants him to do
BILE thing The mules logical power lies in his heels.
and it is not safe for philosopher to approach
him from that end. He is like great many men in
that he will either have his way break things
to pieces.
No man is good for anything until he has
found two things-frst. something to love. and
second. something to reverence.
The season is approaching when tho Christian
world will put q close resemblance to umbrellas
1. e.. they will keep Lent
The ability Of the ordinary policeman to keep out
Of the way when he is wanted amounts almost to
genius When Il 70 isn't needed he races across your
track at every minute but when couple Of ruffians
garrote lady Fifth avenue the police force has
always just started for trip to Tmbuctoo. and
will be back ten minutes too late to q certainty.
Darwin last in his study in meditative
and yet triumphant mood. He had solved great
problem. proving beyond q peradventure that man
is only inferior animal made up of the leavings
OF the rest Of creation. "Why. d'you know" he
said. that even cat; yes. sir. cat. have
| something which no human being had since the
world beganY His wild admirer looked ut the great
naturalist. ready to devour the bit Of informa-
ton. and asked In breathless excitement. Indeed.
and pray. Mr.. Darwin. what Is it?" The stern phi
losopher looked at him with saddened eyes. wiped
his tearbedimmed spectacles. and replied. Kttens.
my dear friend"
Our likes and dislikes expressed in ways which
are characteristic Of and age. The young lsdys
dictionary has intermediate adjective between
what is perfectly magnificent and perfectly horrid.
And yet there Is matter which there never has
been is not. and will be difference Of opinion
and concerning which adjectives Of all kinds are in
valid. We do not refer to the mysteries of dogmatc
theology. the absolute necessity of having gilt
edged prayer book in order to induce devotional
mood. but TO that hrsute and ornament
Of tho human face that longed-for and boasted
decoration Of Q man known Q mustache. It is
said on the best Of authority that every woman in
the world sets her face against It. provided 1t is
the right individual
The negro jury Of the Detroit Free Press resembles
the white jurics Of other parts IN recent verdict
"De Hon. Standhoff sm hereby acquitted OBJ dc
charge oh takn hahwood belongin' to somebody
else. but dc trudder is warned to be little more
keerful In de future"
The believers in the efficacy of blue glass are by
no means extinct. certain lady whose lover was
too bashful to ask the long looked question
quested him day to take q walk with her in the
conservatory. the roof Of which had four largo
panes Of blue glass In It. With that facility for
management which is peculiar to the she halted
him just where the rays Of the would strike
him the head and breast and an xously awaited
results In two three minutes he became ter
ribly restless and uneasy. His words came with
evident difficulty accompanied by frequent stam-
mer. At the end Of not moro than ten minutes SO
powerful the blue glass. he had asked the ques-
ton. received his answer and his way to tho
printers to order the wedding cards.
Events will work contrsriwise sometimes in spite
of our best efforts. Just think Of tho feelings Of
man who. seeing two persons drowning springs to
their relief grasps of them the risk OF his own
life and succeeds In saving him. only to find in his
vest pocket when he searches him o little unsettled
bill against himself.
There is something very sad and significant in the
words Of Of Brigham's wives when she said that
she had uniformly received good treatment from tho
members of tho press and from Congressmen, but
that she had been msusod by Christians everywherc
The two conundrums OF the hour src. "why is DR..
Fulton like gentlemanY' and I'm what does Dr.
Talmagc resemble who honestly pays church
debtr' Probably no two puzzles have been worked
over these have and yet everybody has been CON-
PEELED to give them both up.
Revenge ia sweet. and sometimes oven those Who
make religious professions indulge in It, The owner
Of steam sawml In the West became indignant
with his pastor. laymsn occasionally will. and de-
tcrmined TO hold his religious services in the
mill. which was just opposite the village church.
where the brethrcn did not dwell In unity. He had
largo calope that could bc heard for miles around
which was so vigorous. indeed that 10 could drown
. thunder storm. The pastor Of the church gave
out the hymn, Pass mo not" but the little asthmatc
organ had no sooner made the first whecze than tho
calliopc started on the tune and made noise
enough to blow good sized mortgage from the
building Just think Of congregational singing led
by caliiopc which compelled every to stop his
with his fingers lest his tympanum should give
way. The sermon the duty of making
friends with the mammon of unriehteo usness. and
the minister compelled either to come to terms
with his sawmiil parishioner. movo 10 healthier
locality.
There is food for solemn thought in = recent rc-
port OF the financial condition OF the country The
writer announced that In the market money was
close. but not close enough 10 reach. Alasl near
and yet 30 fart