Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-10-23
Fun.
Ii poverty is a disgrace, mended
stockings are darned shame.

If poverty is a disgrace, mended
stockings are darned shame.
Mary had little lamb with which
she used to tussle: she yanked the wool
all off his back and crammed it in her
hustle.
!" Humph !" said young gentleman
at play with a young lady, 81 could
play the lover better than that myself"
: L should like to see you try it p was
her naive reply.
" Prisoner, how old are your" "Twen-
ty-two, your honor" twenty-five?
your papers make out that you were
born twenty-three years ago." $50 |
was; but l spent one year in prison, and
L don't count that-it was lost time"
A young lady who ought to know &C
counts for the disposition of the average
young fellow to put his arms around a
girls waist by the supposition that he is
looking for that rib that was taken
from HIM so long ago.-Boston Tran
script.
Young lady. to recently married
friend: SIS he all you hoped for?'
"Why, of course"
" Fine fellow, genteel?"
More than that-elegant. He talks
like book"
Well, when you come to volume
second, send him to me-"
ometer to her husband when, after sup
per, he started to $50 down to the office
and balance the books" On his return
fifteen miles of walking were recorded.
He had been stepping around billiard
table all the evening.
A man who was starting from Lancas-
ter, Pa, for the seashore, lately, was
asked by friend to send him some fish.
He promised that he would, and soon
after box came by express weighing
400 pounds. In it was a shark nine
feet long, and the express charges were
1925.
The venerable wife of celebrated
physician one day casting her eyes out
of the window observed her husband in
the funeral procession of one of his pa
tients, at which she exclaimed, II do
wish my husband would keep away
from such professions. 1t appears so
much like tailor carrying home his
own work"
The Virginia City New Stage ex-
plains that Buttermilk Canyon is on the
Paradise Mountains, northwest of
Eden, about ten miles from "GOuge-
Eye" on the road leading from "Lim-
burger" to "Whoop-em-Up," via "Bull
Town" "Lay-em-Out" and Hungry"
and just over the mountains from Bang
Eye" and "Knock-em-Stiff."
Many man sits up nights five weeks
at stretch, Sunday included, compos-
ing a communication for the press on
slate, and then, having spent another
week copying it until It might be mis-
taken for piece of engraving, he walks
into the editors Office and remarks with
badly-assumed carelessness that
wouldn't deceive q wooden cigar sign
Indian: There's something / ust
scratched off that | thought you might
use."
A good country parson preached a
series of sermons on practical morality,
and very interesting and instructive
they were. A lad in the village who
had heard only one of them was coming
out of an orchard one day. his pockets
bullying out with stolen fruit. He met
the parson, who noticed his efforts to
conceal the evidences of his guilt.
"Have you been stealing apples?" asked
the minister. eyes, SIR" answered the
boy, sheepishly. "And you are trying
to hide them from me?" continued the
good man. eyes, sir" said the culprit,
and then added, his face frightening up,
loo hat
avoid the appearance of evil"
He hadn't been very long in the city
and people didn't know him, but a sin
gle glance at his massive brow con-
vinced you that his was one of those
phenomenal, gigantic intellects which
enable their possessors to-to-tO drive
street cars, let us say. He was disap-
pointed at not receiving letter from
his native wilds, and he said to the
Post Office clerk: "Look here, mister.
this makes three times I've come here
for, that ERE letter, and my patience Is
givin' out. If that dokyment amt forth
comm by tomorrow, by the holy gosh
I'll start an opposition Post Office and
Spite yer trade Y'hear me?" And he
knocked his hat over his left eye and
away luIO WllO WloO H01Io.
A recent trip of the steamer City of
Chester, of the Inman line, from New
York to Liverpool, was enlivened by
the wit of Washington girl, who was
the favorite passenger. In the same
steamer was young English snob, who
wore suit of clothes of very large
plaid. with q fatigue cap to match, a
single eye-glass, thick-soled boots, spot
ted shirt and loud necktie. He had
that exasperating drawl peculiar to En-
glish snobs. cav, yaas," said he, in
conversation with the Washington girl,
81 have seen considerable of your
country. 1 havesbeen to New Yawk,
Chicago, Omahaw and other places, and
it is gwate country, but you don't
seem to have any gentwy in Amewica."
What do you call gentry?' asked the
lady. cav, why eople, you know,
who doant have to do anything, you
know; people who live without work"
80, yes; we have such people," an
swered the lady, "but We don't call
them gentry" Jaw, then. what do you
call them pway?" eve call them
twamps." cav Pr Washington Repub
6c