The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-09-12
A GROWING MATCH WANTED.
REV. T. DE WITT TALMAGE PROPOSES AN
INTERNATIONAL CONTEST. .
From Letter to N. Y. Paper,


From Letter to N. 7. Paper.
Il is delusion that Englishmen delight
to grumble. Al, near as / can judge, each
community appoints some one to do the
grumbling for it, and he becomes the cham
pion grumbler.
One pulpit will do all the grumbling for
all the pulpits IN town; one newspaper all
the grumbling for the journalists; one
prominent citizen the grumbling for all the
citizens. Such an one becomes the pet
growler of the community. ALI the scan
dal mongers carry to him forage. They
feed him with all the disagreeable things of
the community. His capacity for offal is
awful. They rub him down with the ragged
edge of SANDER. Job describes this wild
ass Of the forest as snufing the East wind.
Like others of his kind, he eats thistles.
These champion GROWERS Of English COM
munities do all that kind of work, leaving
others nothing to do but be agreeable. De-
lightful arrangement Let us transfer it
to America, and have the fault-finding in
Church and State done by committees.
Take the most powerful "bear'' out of
Wall street and let him do the croaking for
all the b rokers. Take some ecclesiastic,
who has swallowed his religion crosswise
and got it stranglingly fast in his wind-pipe,
to hunt down all the heresy, real and
fancied. Get some one newspaper to do
all the work of mauling regulations, ex-
posing domestic infelicities and reporting
divorce cases. Let one female "gad about"
gathering all the gossip, put 1T up in bottles
properly labelled, and peddle it about from
house to house in small phials for those
who could stand only little, or in large
bottles, as it may be required. Let her be
known az the championess of tittle-tattle.
80 men and women might delegate to on,
or more the disagrseables of the world.
And, as at different times America and
England have disputed with each other for
supremacy with oar, and bat, and rife, let
the champion American growler go forth to
dispute with the champion English growler
for the belt Of the world. Let the day
chosen for the contest be commingling of
Scotch mist and English cleudlness and
American drizzle. I'll,
Il Let them 60 at each other with threats
and annoyances and recriminations Let
all fault flinders the world over stand round
the ring watching the fate of the two ma
rions. s l.;+ a#e.s,. se.. .7., sf..=
The Englishman might draw the first
blood, but the American will prove full
match for him at the last. The struggle
may be long and fearful and the excite
ment surpass that of Cresdmoor shooting
and Ascot and Derby races, but think
neither would gain the victory. d
Indeed, would like to see them both 10
down together in the contest and both be
slain. Then would perish from the earth
che chickering's and the suspicious, and
and the backbiting of this
world. tl
4 Bury the two champions in the same
grave, their clubs with them, covering them
up with a bank of nettles. Read for their
funeral service the Report of the Stock
Market just after some great failure. Plant
ut the head OF it little night-shade and at /
The foot of it little ngr ponsea.
For epitaph, "Her lies complaint and
hypercriticism. Born in the year 1, Died
in the year 1879. May the resurrection
trumpet that blows others up into the light
blow these miscreants deeper down into OBJ
livion."