The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-07-05
EHrIS AND THAI.
God bless the girls
Whose golden curls

Are not just what they seem,
But at the end of the day
On the bureau do lay,
While their owners sweetly dream.
The rooster that will leave his crow
half crowed to goJJlo a worm, may not be
musical success, but we will bet on him
for all that
A western woman has sued barkeeper
for S2I goo, for the less of her drunken hus-
band If she gets it, no one would blame
her to Immediately marry again, and set the
new man as the same kind of trap
They call wonderful presence of mind
in Iowa when husband sees tornado ap-
preaching and pushes his wife down the cell
lar stairs. 1t opens door for fatal mistakes
but wives must take the consequences.
An old lady who takes great interest in
being posted on the movements of base ball
clubs, but who never witnessed game, asks
why they change pitchers so often; why
not get one that holds enough at first.
A lady not accustomed to raising poul-
try set hen, and in due time brood of
chickens was halehed. A friend calling in
tour days after, and noticing that they ap-
peared weak and puuy, asked how often
they were fed. "Fed! Oh my Why, I
thought the hen nursed them" was the as
tonished reply.
Herr Joachim, the great vioinist, went
into hair dresser's in Lo don, to have his
hair cut. "You really, sir, ought to allow
Inc to take more of, il you do not wish to
be taken for fiddler" said the barber.
"A pickpocket taken with his hand in
some one else's pocket, endeavored to invent
all manner Of impossible explanations ofthe
phenomenon. "What's the use Of your try
ing to lie about it so clumsily," said the
judge kindly, "haven't you got a lawyer%
The hummng of the bees
On the cloycr.scented breeze,
And the tender robins notes are very finej
But dearer for to me
Than the humming of the bee
/ Is the sweet and tcnder-loin of the kline.
The red chairs that arc so fashionable
nowadays on the verandas of our fashion
able residences, we respectfully submit are
too small They do very well to look at,
but when it is night, and the young lady
has gentleman friend call to spend the
evening with her, one or the other will have
to stand up, orwell, perhaps she would
make a lap or two around the yard, and
| perhaps again she wouldn't.
"A timid young Hazletonian. once mar
ried wife weighing over 200 pounds,
avoirdupoise. They went on a wedding
tour to the country. They were taking a
walk in the fields. my dear" said he softly
to her, "shall help you over the lence?"
NO." said she, taking side-angular glance
at him, "help the fence"
"Hello, Robinsonl haven't seen you
since you had your glass eye put in. How
does it work ?" ITO charm" said Robin
son. "Can you see with it2' queried the
friend. "Well, you see that town clock It's
22 minutes past seven, isn'tit7 7'' g declare
it's wonderful, isn't it? Why, it must be as
good as the eye you was born with !" and
the friend passed on, perfectly dazed with
the scientific discoveries of the ocuists. The
fact that Robinson's other eye was not glass
didn't once occur to him.-Nsg Hapen Reg
ister.
"A small boy had seen his mothers fur
muf' that had been badly eaten by moths.
Shortly afterward he was in his fathers
stable watching the process of currying his
pet pony. The animal was shedding its coat
and Consequently large punches of hair came
out with each application of the comb.
With tears in his eyes the little fellow rushed
into the house aud exclaimed; 30, mamma,
mamma the moths have got into my pony,
and Pm afraid hes ruined"
1t was in a crowded ferryboat that an
honest but rather unsightly sailor accident.
ally came in colhtion with a bran new dress
of a fine lady, at which she Indignantly ex-
claimed
Refrain, audacious tarl
My suit from Pressngi
Remember what you are
Aud what Pm dressed in
Sanford Adrooqte.
A bankrupt, wanting to gain time, or
dered 400 copies of circular printed, which
he intended sending his creditors, informing
them that he could not settle with them i'm
mediately, but would at the very earliest
moment take great pleasure in accommodate
ing them Thrpruter brought them around
together with the bill The insoyent gem
t.eman looked at it, said lt was correct, took
out circular, signed H., aud handed it with
the utmost grace aud politeness to the print
cr, who was dumb with surprise at finding
/ himself thus put On the LIST Of creditors.-
Frl1.eL Paper.