The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-10-11
VARIETY.


An individual who called his first daughter
Kate, when his wife surprised him with another
girl, promptly christened her Duplicate.
The Detroit Free Press tells Of paper that
steals most Of ITS matter from the Bible. This
will make the inspired writers hop.-Bufdlo
ErPrsss
A Boston child remarked, after gazing earn
estly at a man who was bald but had heavy whis-
kers: {" His head was put on upside down, wasn't
IT,"
Truth crushed to earth will rise again.
Strange coincidence. It's Just the same with a
corn. After il has been crushed to earth il gen.
erAny rIses high enough for man to hold it
with both hands while he waltzes round ON the
other foot.
A Chinaman thus describes trial in our
courts; " One man is silent. another talks all the
time, and twelve wise men condemn the man who
has not said word"
William Thompson of Douglas county has had
five wives and has just married the sixth. 1t is,
however, due to the unfortunate man to state
that be has been totally blind for many years.
81. Louis TSDIes-J0lyRaL.
A clergyman IN New Orleans was agreeably
surprised 10 find plump turkey served up for
bis dinner, and inquired of his servant how it
was obtained. . Why, sir replied Sambo,
as dat turkey has been roOstIng on our fence tree
nights; SO dis morning seized him for de rent OBJ
de fence" F-F ENtffNn. .NIEE
A little girl had been taught her mother
not to say shall and shdHt, but to use some softer
equiyaIent. On reeiting her Sabbath-school les
son, '' The Lord is my shepherd, shall not
want she surprised her teacher by an improved
version rather not want
Customer" What did you think of the
Bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby ~
Hairdresser-'' Well, really, sir. there was gent
sittin' in front o. me as ad his air parted that
crooked that 1 couldn't ear a word -
ny what steep bill And see those ten or
-f.a fhaky
struggling horse can hardly draw ~ 90 Wretches? ?
Them are all Christians. mum, going to camp
meetin' Erie (Pa.)- Herald.
The Frerch newspapers say that in q certain
Irish Cathedral there used TO be shown three
skulls, one little one and two big ones, which the
guide described to visitors as the skull of st.
Patrick when he was child, the skull OF st.
Patrick grown up, and the skull of st. Patrick
as an old man.
The late DR.. Fletcher was preaching an even
ing sermon TO a crowded audience IN Edinburg,
when note handed up to him to intimate
If Doctor SO-and-so was in the church, he was
urgently wanted. Having read the note and see
ing the doctor move of, he Immediately added,
with great fervOr, ~ And may the Lord have mer-
cy on his patient"
A petite, blue-eyed maiden, who was nursing
her fifth Christmas doll, and listening to her
mother and some female friends talking about do
mestic broils and divorces, created rather pleas
ant sensation by remarking. a. Well, ma, I'm
never going to marry. I'm going to be a widow"
A Washington young lady OF the mature age
Of six after the story Of the creation and the fair
had been related, and the young lady had been
medItating some time the LIorai of it. sud-
denly broke out with. '' Aunty, after Adam and
Eve disobeyed God, why didn't he kill 'em and
begin over again p
III some OF the deck-hauds on the ark had only
showed that sample hy overheard what vast
amount Of profanity would have been SPARED in
after years.
Edward said Mr. Rice, what do L hear ? !
that you have disobeyed your grandmother, who
told you just now not to jump down these steps?"
80 Grandma didn't tell not to, papa: she only |
came to the door and said, / wouldn't jump
down those steps, boys and / shouldn't think
she would. an old lady ike herl"
Seven ladies received the degree of A. B. at
Northampton recently. =. But," asks the Lowell
Courier, 50 how can young woman be a bache-
lor p Pshaw A. b. don't mean that IN a lady's
diploma Ii means "a after bachelors and sig
mites that the young lady that received the degree
Is qualified for matrimony.
Ny little seven-year-old GIRL writes a |
friend, ' in the sitting-room with her uncle
and dreamiIy looking from the window. With
out turning her head she said, 80 Uncle Horace, |
eight and seven make fifteen, don't they?'' He
repIied that she was right, Then said she, In
half solilOquy, it is only eight years before
shall have beau, and oh L dread it! >"
The LovxR's TALE.-Teunysou's early poem,
a. The Lovers Tale" just published, ontains
about 100 lines A pretty long tale to pour
into her ear, and he must have gone to see her at
least three nights a week for year. When he
left, at a. m, Monday, he would tie a string
around her finger she would remember where
he left of, and whisper in her ear, as he kissed
her goodnight, Z" To be continued Tuesday
evening"
A welI-known liberal clergyman relates that,
lately, talking to some youngsters on the coming
vacation, and diverging into the necessity of
kindness to animals, be incidently remarked
81 Boys are ofte- cruel TO toads and frogs l re-
member Of boy wickedly filing a toad with
fre-cEackers and lighting the sloW-match." He
was borrifed TO see this remark received with the
Iiveliest emotions Of interest and delight, and
was utterly prostrated he passed out at hear
ing one urchin say to another, by jngs
that's new note. Won't We have fun blowing