The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-05-02
JUSTICE IN A OUANDARY.
How the Changes of" Slang Puzzled = Now
York Police Magistrate.

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York Police Magistrate.
From the New York HerAid.l
The envoy that came from Patsy
Burns saloon, yesterday, to get war.
rant for its proprietor was hoarse, squat
and bull-necked. He leaned across the
bar of the Jefferson Market Court and
whispered, oonfdentislly:
Say, ledge, Patsy Burns wants to
shut Down on a kid that's bin skinning
him."
"A kid skinning him? Impossible
said his Honor. Where is the AMI
MALI"
Hes young rooster" the applicant
went on, "what dishes out the booze in
Patsy's drum"
His Honor looked perplexed. "Oh,
it's poultry you're complaining about"
he remarked. 81 thought you said it
was a kid just now. Well, what of the
rooster?"
The applicant took long look at his
Honor and fumbled his hat-ining ner-
vously. Then he began again with an
air submissive, but reproachful.
Say, ledge, don't you play me. I'm
givin' it to you straight; honor bright.
Patsy feels dead sore over the thing, and
wants the young terrier hauled up be-
fore you"
The Judge dropped his eyeglasses
helplessly. Look here, my friend, he
blurted out, if you come here to COM
plain about whole menagerie, say SO |;
but this parade of flesh and fowl is dis
tracing Let us understand each
other. Kid, rooster or dog-is Patsy's
trouble with one or ALP"
The applicant looked about him hope
lessly. Then he said:
"Jedge, this looks like a dead open
and shut. You don't seem to tumble
to me at all. Here's the scheme.
There's jigger behind Patsy's bar
that's crooked, and he wants him taken
in See?"
"Oh, Patsy has a saloon. It is the
person who dispenses the beverages he
has trouble with"
"That's the racket, Jedge," and the
applicant stamped with delight.
you've got it dead to rights. You see,
Patsy sets this bloke in his shebang a
sending along the old stuff. and every
thing goes hunkee-doree till he sees his
nibs sporting super and logged out to
the Queens taste. Well. Patsy's pooty
fly, he is, and he dropped to the caper.
So he spotted the feller, and to-day he
catched him working the damper"
Working the damper?"
"Yes, collaring the DOODLE"
"Collaring the - My friend, for
heavens sake, be explicit" his Honor
moaned. What do you mean?"
The applicant turned the quid in his
mouth over and over again Respondent
ly, but made no reply. At last he
blurted out in despair:
Hang it, ledge. It's clear enough.
He was tapping the till"
Tapping the till?" and his Honor
paused to reflect. Then his face bright
ened up. "Ah, see," he said. He
was appropriating the receipts to his
own use in the proprietor's absence
"That's the talk" roared the appi-
cant. "Appropriatin' the receipts is a
go. You've got it down fine, Jedge.
That's what the codger did-appro.
priated Patsy Burns receipts. So
Patsy sent me round to see if you
wouldn't give him the collar and make
him produce. He's bad lot, he is,
and you ought to give him a stretch
"What?" cried his Honor, would
you be so barbarous as to have me hang
the man?"
who's talkin' of hangin'?" asked the
other. What said is he ought to get
a nip
Get nip?"
"Yes; go up the river"
Il see, see," groaned the Justice.
go to Sing Sing. My friend, we will
try TO accommodate you. But this con-
versation is trying to man of my con-
stitution. Go to Patsy Burns, beg
you. Tell him to bring his grievance
here in person, and for heavens sake
let him bring a little Of the vernacular
along"
The applicant bowed his head sui
lenly.
"Maybeyou're right, Judge" said he,
IAN maybe you amt, but it does seem
rough on a citizen and taxpayer if he
can't get justice unless he's swallowed
lore dictionary and crammed down jaw
breakers fit to bust him. So long!"
And he stalked gloomily away in quest
of Patsy Burns.