The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-11-20
WIT AND HUAOR.

SATISFIED at last-A contented shoe
maker. 49,. -. >, =.
AN elevated railroad station is, Of
course. station airy.
Is THE fellow who tends an oyster
saloon an oyster supe?
THOUGHTS that burn-Amateur DO
etry when the editors waste-basket is
overfowing.
A MLKArAN was very mad because
some one bought quart of milk and
then told him to "chalk it down."
A LADY says that the difference be-
tween q silk dress and = calico gown is
material; but that's all stuff.
THREE feet mako yard. Very true;
but two feet unmake it mighty quick,
provided they are hens feet.
"HAvE yon a mother-in-lawq" asked
a man of MISUNDERSTANDING person.
No" he replied, "but I've = father in
Jail"
FREND-"Look here, Tom, you've
had enough" Tipsy youth-"No such
thing: Ofen had too much never had
'nough."
A BONANZA man gave his daughter
mine as wedding present. He was
determined that she should not lack
presents of mine.
"WHAT will the harvest be?" asks an
exchange. Well, just wait till the har-
vest bee crawls up your trousers-leg,
and you'll find out.
"DoYou keep any Hamburg ginedg2"
asks timid miss. "Not if we can sell
it," was the pert reply of the clerk. He
kept some that day.
"Cou1DN'r YOU lend me- $50" eyes,
could, but won't" "Then do you
think I wouldn't pay you back?" Yes,
you would, but you couldn't"
POKER must have been in vogue long
ago; for the melancholy Prince said
II call thee, Hamlet" when he was not
certain that he could see him.
SCHOOL Inspector" Now, young
ster, can you name me a mild winter7"
Scholar he winter of rs. Our
teacher was sick then for six weeks"
REMARK by Judge McCredy, in a
court at New London, Ct: "The Sher-
if will kindly request the gentlemen of
the jury to desist from eating peanuts:
This is not O circus"
WHAT is the difference between
man. eating an army biscuit and a
man sitting on pier along the Della
ware river? Answer-One is enjoying
war fare and the other is enjoying
wharf air.
THE telegram handed into a German
offics lately" Can't possibly send
5000 daggers in one day; not till to-
morrow"-plunged the police into ex-
element until they found that daggers
are kind of needle.
PROFESSOR Occurring on psychology
-"An phenomena are sensations. For
instance, that leaf appears green to
me? In other words, have q sensa-
ton of greenness within me-" OF
course, no harm was meant, but still
the class would laugh.
ALMOST AN ARGONAUT.
'Iwas in the fall of 'foriy-:lins
The gold fever broke out,
N Id hev bin pioneer
Without the slightest doubt,
Bnt Molly, here, took on u said,
"arsonaut. dearest joel"
| Thought Id argy not with her,
So. boys, didn't 80.
| -lu,ocoS Strauss.
STUDENT (fresh from college, to con-
! ductor)-"I wish to get on the penulti-
mate car" Conductor We have no
| peanut car; you can take the smoker"
| MUTUALLY disgusted)
A oNE-ARMED man drew $2,7S0 from
Philadelphia bank, and was counting
the money at desk. A thief dropped
81 at his feet, and said, "See, you have
dropped a bill" The one. armed man
stopped to pick up the 81, and when he
Strengthened up again the thief had
gone off with the $2,780.
THERE are coal mines in Germany in
which the phenomenon of subterrrane.
nm waters having regular ebb and flow
has been observed. The scientific &C.
ademies of Vienna and Berlin are study.
ing it, and look for valuable additions
to our knowledge of the earth's int
rior.
A PARIS husband was told tAat his
wife, who had gone into the country IL
be cured Of an illness, was dead. Al
hour afterward she pres 3nted herself
before him in perfect health. The sud
den and violent transition from SORROW
to joy Tor from joy to sorrow was tot
much for him, and he became a maniac
| SOME of the more sanguine OF til.
treasury officials at Washington est
mate that if no change is made in thu
revenue laws, and no further extraor
binary expenditures ore voted, such a.
! that for the arrears of pensions, thu
public debt may be reduced $50, 600,
GOO during the year 1e90-81.
| VACCINATION appears to have untolt
terro:s for the country folk of Ger
many. A woman of Mellenberge, whit
was repeatedly notified to submit he,
child of 8 months to the operation, ani
was threatened with arraignment il
court if she did not comply, jumped
with the baby into the Fulda. Boil
were drowned.
| HARK1Ns' daughter returned from
Denton's butcher shop, laid a steak OF
the table, and said: "That's the mos
refined butcher I ever met. 1 asked
him if this steak was tender, and h,
said, O so beautifully: Tender as tn,
maiden in tho first blush of love;
steak fit to be classed with tender ant
hallowed associations, and ore likely t.