St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-08-15
Squibs.

Wnen getting his funeral rltes.- YOn-
kers Gazette. ''"
A young lady being taken to task
for tight lacing, said that she resorted
to the practice on purely economical
grounds. "HOw is that ~ asked her
reprover. Why she replied, 81 lace
tightly simply to prevent waistfulness."
-[St. Louis Times-Journal.
"My Souls at the Gate" is the title
of a new piece of music. He had better
be careful, or he may find the old mans
sole at the gate, too, some of these fine
evenings.
The cabinet at Washington cannot
be of much use while the Key is so far
away, but it will be found again when
Evarts wanted. ...
In some parts of Texas the streams
are so dry that the fish have to wear
busters to keep their clothing from be-
ing spoiled Philadelphia Chronicle
Herald.
A Nevada bedbug bit man on the
lip, and both bug and man died from
the effects of it. The doctors didn't
know which to post mortem on.
A prominent lawyer was walking
down Broadway the other day, and on
reaching Fulton street saw an old
white-headed gentleman knocked down
by stage. He sprang forward, raised
him to his feet, and kindly asked "Old
man, are you much hurt 2" He was at
once collared by the irate Nestor, who
trantically shook his fist in the face of
his rescuer and yelled: "DOn't you
sir! !n
Three young men went bathing near
Oswego, New York, the other night.
When they had rubbed themselves
down and were ready to dress one of
them missed his shirt. 1t was a most
mysterious affair. No one had been
seen on the shore, and nothing else was
missing. While they were searching
Tor the shirt sober old COW was quiet
ly chewing her cud. All at once she
began to cough violently, and the
young man caught a glimpse of the arm
of the lost shirt dangling from her
mouth. One cuff button was saved.
In the weekly report of the treasurer
of the Limekiln Club it was discovered
that he had fourteen cents charged up
under the head of ''sundries," and when
he had finished his reading the presi-
dent observed, "While l am free to say
dat our respected treasurer inieys my
full confidence, I nebberdemoar' re-
gard it as my dOoty to ak him to 'splain
dat item leetle clusser. Muffin in de
bizness of dis club must be kivered up
wild big words" "Why, dem fo'teen
cents went for sundries," explained the
official. "Sartin-sartin but does dat
mean railroad ties OF spring ober-
coats 7" 81 paid out nine cents for
candles an de balance for matchesn
'Wery well-dat's perfectly plain to de
club. After dis occashun, to save AKIN
queshuns, de brudder had better put
de word 'sundries' in de wood box an
specify each item. Matches an candles
f,,n i,,r. mighty mi handy TO hev aroun' de hall,
Detroit Free Press. Nf""' ''H r""m-
A lady who had much experience in
teaching both boys and girls, speaking
of the extraordinary obtuseness of a
certain pupil, said: ''In a physiology
class, this young lady of Is inquired
with languid surprise, SIS there not a
straight passage through the head from
one ear to the other pa somewhat
natural conclusion" the teacher COM
mented dryly, eff she had ever watch
ed the processes of her own mind"
(Which would you prefer teaching"
asked a visitor,-'bOys or girls 2"
"Boys, infinitely" was the prompt re-
ply. ''No boy, for instance, would
ever have asked such a question as
that. He would long before have in
vestigated the subject with lead pen
Gil. Not, probably, in his own ears"
she added meditatively, "but in his
younger brothers." p [Scribner for July.
College oral examination "What is
excusable homicide 2" "When a man
kills himself in self Defence" ''What
is perennial herb 2" "One that grows
continually, but dies annually" "Will
you give us the plural of forget-me-
not 7" ''FOrget-us not, Sir" "Mention
six animals of the Frigid Zone" .'Three
polar bears and three seals.n
A burglar concealed under the bed
of married couple, by some incautious
movement almost betrayed his presence
the noise he made being sufficient to
make the wife call her husbands atten-
ton to the sound. 'It's only one of
the dogs" was the sleepy answer, and,
swapping his fingers, he called by its
name one of his favorites which was
supposed to be present. The thief7s
presence of mind did not desert him,
though on the brink of discovery for
divining the situation at once, he i'm
medIately licked the extended hand, in
the hope OF confirming the gentleman's
surmise. And then the gentleman spoke
kindly to the thief and said: "Come
out here, Nero, and sit up for me.n
And the thief crawled out on all fours
and sat up. Then the gentleman said,
as he cooked his revolver, "Speak, sir,
speak y and the thief spoke, or rather
barked in imitation of Nero. Then the
gentleman took deliberate aim in the
darkness and shot the thief who was
trying to enact the part of the good
house dog, and thereupOn he died but
before he expired he bit the gentleman
III the small bullock of his leg, HYDRO
phobia set in, and the gentleman died
also. And thus ends this shocking tale.
Bald headed men have at last found
a champion in the person of the in
ventor OF the patent fly-disperser. 1t
consists OF a wire frame made to fit the
head OF any person. Inside the frame
Is set of wheels and springs similar to
those in a clock then there are five
fans which, when set at work, reyolve
rapidly, not only causing a cool breeze.
but driving away the flies.
The management of Indian affairs in
this territory is scandalous cbanter
that needs ventilating. For the pres
ent single incident will suffice. An
agent who had just been appointed
went to citizen whom he supposed to
possess some knoWledpe on tha snh;oo+