Connecticut western news., 1879-08-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

is corn.
 A kiss without mustache Is like an egg without salt.
 Every man has his prejudices and every woman her bias. ... | The dentist makes almost as much money per acher as farmer.
 The question at Leadville is not how to get rich but how to got home.
 Hasten the day, O Father Time, when peace prevails in every cline.
 A Leadville sign |" Washing, Iron- ing, and Going out Whitewashing Done Here"
 He that will never look upon an ass must lock his door and break his lock- ing-glass.
 | Whenever you lind man who has nothing to do you will notice that he is equal to the task.
 To change window-glass to tin: leave the window open when it rains, and it will beat in.
 If we were all permitted to put our own valuation on ourselves there would not be low priced man in the world. Law is like sieve-you may see through it, but you must be considera- bly, reduced before you can get through it.
 A wit once asked peasant what part he performed in the great drama of life. "I mind my own business" was the reply. ...
 The man who got in barber-chair. pinned the newspaper round his neck and began to read the towel may justly be called absent minded.
 Here is g very serious question for our moralists If man Is as good as his word and his word is good for noth- ing, how good is heP
 The class in German grammar is cn the subject of genders. "Miss Fibre, why is moon masculine in German ?" "So that she can go out alone nights, l suppose"
 The Detroit Free Press puts this conundrum: If a woman wears court plaster on her face to beautify her, why not wear m eight.ounce tack in hershoe for comfortp
 | School teacher: You must recollect that all am telling you happenei one thousand eight hundred and seventy nine years ago. Pupil: LOT miss, how the time do slip away It is estimated that the people of the | United States consume three thousand barrels of liver-pills year, and yet there is occasionally man left to reach his end by railroad collision. A person who was disputing one day with Peter Pindar said, in hot temper, that he did not like to be thought scoundrel. CT wish," was the reply, 'sthat you had as great dislike to being one."
 | The most terrible maladies some- times result from disappointment in love. They tell of @ young man in New York State who was rejected by his inamorata, and modification immediate ly set in.
 -"This," said the dentist, ''is my office." "And that2" inquired visi- tor, pointing to the apartment where stood the tooth-pulling chair. "Ah, that" replied the proprietor, "that IS my drawing room."
 The application of this anecdote IS not quite universal. He said, "Yes, she is an odd young lady indeed, think her extremely singular" And then he added, "She was never heard 10 speak i'll of an absent friend"
 Round shouldered women are more numerous than they were years ago." says an exchange. Yes, moralizes Philadelphia paper, working at tte wash tub to support lazy husbands is fast making women round shQuldered.
 A gentleman from the provinces went into the shop of Parisian tailor to order some clothes. While his meas ure was being taken he said to the sarto- rial Aristarchus "You must find that I am very badly dressed" "Oh, no, replied the artist, 'you are not dressed at all /; you are simply covered"
 Perhaps it would be we'll to give broader scope to this little anecdote and follow it's advice respecting some of our own personal weaknesses. On @ mas querade night the Duke of Norfolk, who was addicted to the bottle, asked Foote what new character he could go in. Foote sententiously replied, "Go sober" A Berkshire merchant has novel way of curing petty shoplifting. When- ever losses come to his notice he charges them on his ledger to "Thief," and when a person is detected in pilferipg he takes him Cor her) to the desk, exhibits l the account and says the culprit can pay Q or be punished. They invariably pay, and in this way he has recovered $500
 or more in the past few years.
 A small boy was hoelng corn in s sterile field by the roadside, near Bethel Indiana, when O passer-by stopped and l. said "'Pears to me your corn is rather 70 suall." Certainly" said the boy, "i d is dwarf corn." "But it looks yaller. le Certainly, weplanted the ysller kind. r, "But it looks as if you wouldn't ge r. more than half crop" "Of cours 'n not" said the boy, i've planted it p