Stevens County tribune. (Morris, Minn.) 1877-1880, 1879-05-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

Ine linen buster Is JUST beginning to
get the laugh on the army oVercoat.
Wafer that has stood over night in an
open vessel should-not be used Tor cook
ing.
No horse car condu ctor Is too bashful
to ask male passenger to nelp him lift
| the car on the track.
A mans curiosity never reaches the
female standard until some one tells him
his name was in yesterdays paper.
Counsel to witness-"Rou're nice sort
of fellow, you are!" Witness-"I'd say
the same of you, s'r, only I'm on my
oath"
1t is positive fact that the poet who
will coolly and deliberately make
''distress" rhyme with mistress is born,
not made.
! This is an imitation of Mr.. Norristown
Williams: A medical exchange says seal
skin caps are so warm that they cause
the hair of the weaIer to fall out This
is probably the reason most editors are
baldhnaded
"Oh, ma, If Jesus is Gods son, where
is Gods vifel" asked a sweet little boy.
| Goods wife? I--you-why, Charles
Gods wife" That boy wouldn't bulge.
Eyes, where is Gods wife?' God s
wife, my son-he-God was widower."
That satisfied him.
A philosopher says that women do not
| like to remember. He is wrong. They
lake exquisite delight in remembering
where their husbands leave their slippers
and in taunting the poor creatures as they
go roofing under the bed after the truant
Observation-Disclosures Courier
A handsome and witty Partisan lady,
at her last reception, observed a journalist
taking notes OF her bon mots, BE care
| full" she said, ''thcse things are not to be
written down. Words are like birds
which pass while singing. Ii you try to
catch them they never come back again
The other day a provincial Imposter
was taken up by the police of Paris and
condemned to two years imprisonment
for selling charms, such as the ace OF
clubs, to be worn in the heel of boot
A liberal editor complains OF this SEN
tence, because there is hardly a gambler
in Paris who has not his fetiche.
First friend lover glass of beer)-
"Weel, John, tae tell the truth, my father
wiz a cosmopolitaB, but am a nissan
thrope." Second ditto-"You're mo- like
ME, man. My father wiz collier, and am
a collier too, although it's no the best o
profession the neo."
1 What is an editorl An editors bizness
is to write editorials, grind out poetry
SOFT manuscripts, keep a mighty big
peoples battles, take white beans anC
apple sass for pay when he can get it
work nineteen hours out of twenty four
and be damned by everybody.-Billings
A French Colonel, ON tour of inspec
ton, addressing soldier Are you con
tent with your food2 The soldier-l es
Colonel. The Colonel-How do the,
. divide the rations2 Does it not often hap
pen that some of yeu get large portion
and others small oneE The soldier
No, Colonel; al the portions are small.
, When, just ten years ago, Hector Bel
lioz came back from St. Petersburg sui
e fering severely from his disease, he wen
to Nelaton.
|. The great physician examined hin
t and asked, Are you anything of phi
osopner?"
D ayes" said the patient.
/ Then you'd better get all the const
l lation out of your philosophy that 20
k cantor you will never recover"
|, If there is ever time in the life of tt
washerwomaR when her heart Is made I
d beat with JOY, it is when she finds dii
mond stud in the unwashed shirt of II
e young man who owes her years wasl
r bill. Then she laughs to herself an
: says: Hell pay that bill before he ge
3 that back. as sure as my name is MatilC
b Jane. Rome Sentinel. And the your
e man laughs and SAYS to himsel
!. there's $40 wash-bill paid with
| cent diamond"
A refractory Irishman in Jail name
Dennis McGinnis, refused to work. II
keeper said 10 him: '.McGinnis, you
;. to work or the pump" "Niver," reptile
7 the Irishman. A second time the kee1
j. er ordered McGinnis to work, but he r
> fused to bulge an inch Nov for Il
! last time, McGinnis," exclaimed Il
= keeper, "you go to work or to the pump
= "Niver, sir" said McGinnis, straightel
: ing up TO the full dignity Of man. "B
70 dad, sir, I'll lave the Jail first"
o A young lady was sitting with ga
( liant captain in charmingly decorate
|. recess. On her knees was diminuti
niece, placed there pour les conUenGnc,
In the adjoining room, with the do
open, were the rest of the company. Sa
4 the little niece in jealous and very a
dible voice, "AuDtie, kiss me too"
% leave you to imagine what had just hal
y pened. "Ycu should say twice. Eth
y dear; two Is not grammar" was the il
= diate rejoinder. Clever girl, that.
2 THE storms which have late
in ragged in Germany demonstrate in q
r unmistakable manner the superiority
At subterranean to overhead telegraphs. Du
II ing the heavy storms of 1875 TELEGRAPH
Is ic communication was frequently int
70 rupted, sometimes for long periods, al
II immense inconvenience was thereby O
. casioned. This winter, however, sa
Fl Tie Cologne Gazette, long reports of 4
Il debates in the Reichs,ag have been Sc
he by the subterranean telegraph from Be
a. lin to Cologne, and, in spite of snow al
a storm, not the slightest interruption h
in ever taken place In III service.
A son OF Maine who went West in ear
In youth and had attained wealth and