The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-09-05
VARIETIES.

II should have no objection to my wife'i
rcigning," said an atfectionatc husband, eff il
were not for the fact that when she reigns
she is apt to storm also"
-" JEANNE, did you divide your paper o.
chocolate with your brother" eyes, Ger
tainly, mamma / ate the chocolate and gave
him the mOtto-hc is so fond of reading, you
know"
After trying in vain to start balky mare
the driver touched her flank with his lighted
cigar, saying, "Pve tried all means to start
her, now I'll try to back hcr-Bost0n Cona
me,ciM Bulletin.
81 have nothing but my heart to give
you" said spinster to a lawyer who had
concluded a suit for her. "Well," said the
lawyer grutliy, ego to my clerk; he takes the
tees"-BostOn Courier.
Julius, why didn't you oblong your stay
at the springs" "Kase Mr. Snow, dey
charge too much" GLOW so, Julius ??
"Why, dc landlord charged dis colored in.
dividual wild stealing dc spoons"
"A tramp applied to lady for something
to eat. "Why don't you go to work ?" she
asked "There's nothing doing at my trade
just now" "What is your business ?" "Hold.
ing election tickets on the street corners"
VII, llSDtnu, Sdlu MTS. ofpellu MtMuHf1,
As she gazed at her willful and passionate son,
where that boy got his temper never could
see;
I'm certain he meyer could take it from me-"
doubt my dear wife, your assertion it true
never have missed any temper from you"
1t was mentioned one day to President
Lincoln that two young ladies of his acquain-
lance had quarreled and loaded each other
with fabusc. "IIavc they called each other
ugly" asked the President. "No, sir"
Every good; then | will undertake to recon-
Gle them
-"Tcn dimes make one dollar" said the
schoolmaster. Nov, go on, sir. Ten dol
lars make one-what 7" "They make one
mighty glad these times" replied the boy,
and the teacher, who hadn't got his last
months salary yet, concluded that the boy
was about right
DR. Bellows said recently: "lnever knew
one manor woman who steadily cyadcd the
house of prayer or public worship ON the
Lords day-who habitually neglected it,
and had theory on which it was neglected.
that did not come to grief and bring other
people to grief"
A telegram says George johnson, Il
Chicago milk vendcr was killed by lightning
on Friday while watering milk" The Nor
ristown He1"M says "thc moral of this is as
plain as the MONDAY sun. 1t is all moral
and teaches milimcn not to water their milk
during a thunder storm"
"A remarkable freak of lightning is re-
corded in a French newspaper. A farm Ia
borcr, running for shelter, was suddenly
thrown to the ground, the fork he carried on
his shoulder being wrenchcd from his grasp
and carried through the air to a distance of
fifty or sixty yards. The prongs We're bent
and twisted with wcll-nigh mathematical ac-
curacy, into the shape of corkscrcws, the
steel being burnt, and formed, on its cYprior
surface, into small laminm which emitted a
slightly sulphurous odor. The laboror cs-
capped without injury.
"A sailor, accompanied by the ships par
rot, went ashore on one of the Sandwich
Islands. After looking at pretty much every
thing outside, he resolved to attend the per
formancc of some jugglcrs in an old store
house The iugglcrs delighted him. At the
conclusion of every trick, he said: "Well,
that's pretty good Wonder what they're
goin' to do ncXt?"
He finally asked permission to smoke, which
was granted.
Pulling out his pipe, he lighted it, then puff
ed away scrcnely, only removing it long
enough to say, as before:
"Wcll, that's pretty good. Wonder what
they're goin to do ncxt?"
After Il lapse of ten minutes Il live coal fell
off his pipe down through Il crack in the floor
into some gunpowdcr stored in the cellar A
terrific explosion followed, and the result may
be imagined The parrot was first TO come
down.
His feathers were nearly all burnt off, and
he was considerably astonished. IIemanaged
to hop on to one of the timbers, however; then,
after scratching his head he remarked:
Well, that's pretty good Wonder what
they're goin' to do neXtp"