New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-08-06
VARIETY AND HUMOR,


Boston has : home for Incorporate
women.
Can't the Ethiopian change his hin
By marrying into 8 strange family7
Idaho has 8 Boise City to OFFSET the
Town of Onegirlia in Dakota Territory.
The Yiceroy Of India should re-
member that the best laid plans At
CHAN agley.
II always know something unpleas-
antis coming when men are anxious to
/ tall the truth.-Disyaeli.
II q man would live quietly in the
world he must learn to keep his eyes
and ears open and his lips barred.
When the old folks try to sit out :
young fellow and his girl they get dis
counted every time. Da,siel sonuilss
The proprietor Of q bone factory
announces that persons leaving their
bones with him can have them ground
ct short notice. Mes0 Orleans Pea
ysssse. y
There are some men in the world
20 mean that they skim the milk at the
top, and then sigh because they can't
turn it over and skim it at the bottom.
IN. T. Herald.
"A naturalist claims to have discov-
cred that crows, when in hOcks, have
regularly organized courts, in which
they sit around and try offenders
sort of crow bar.
"A sparkling young debater, in q
tight of el0quence. exclaimed: IS Mr..
President, the world is divided into two
classes, the learned and the unlearned,
one of whom am which. - Universitv
Aissour1Gn.
"A part of Coney Island has been
recently claimed by one Nicholas john
son, and 3 suit begun to make his claim
good. He declares himself to be the
heir of one of the original thirty-nine
patentees, who held the land in COM
mon.
Professor, lecturing on psychology
-" All phenomena are sensations. For
instance, that Leaf appears green to
me. In other words, I have q sensa-
ton of greenness within me.'' OF
course no harm was meant, but still the
class would laugh. i.
!. The Hackensack IN. J.) Reps.b-
lica,s says: You might as well try to
pick quarrel with craven image, or
play the ACCORDION with pair Of nit
tens on, as to publish q paper that will
euit everybody. 1t can't be- done, un-
less you print it in the Sandwich
Islands, s. s
An 1rishman accosted q gentleman
on the street, late ut night, with re-
quest for the time. The gentleman,
suspecting that Pat wished to snatch
his watch, gave him singing rap on
the nose, with the remark, at has Just
struck one!'' BE jabbers," retorted
Pat, I'm glad didn't AK yez an hour
agor'
Every now and then some chap
writes to newspaper for q recipe to
prevent hair from coming out. If men
would go home from the lodge before
midnight with their legs sober, their
hair wouldn't come out SO rapidlv.
| We always go home early, and we have
more hair now than the day we were
born.-Norristos0n Herald.
! "A seedy-looking individual stepped
into one of our gentlemen's furnishing
stores recently, and asked for pair Of
tOur-ply cuffs. The articles were hand
ed him. and he examined them in du.
bious sort of way, and then remarked;
"See here! these amt the right thing; ]
want the four ply kind them that you
can turn four times without washing. -
Boston Courier.
She was really charming, and
seemed to enjoy very much the EQUAL
on toast" until her pearly teeth struck
q couple of shot, then her countenance
changed, her expression became
wrathy, and she said: "It is too mean
that they leave those nasty shot in the
birds" Why" said he, s.they are
good for the dig estion." "Yes," said
she, "they may be, but don'twant to
die jest that way Danbury News.
In the Russian paper Siberia il
printed q curious petition of q noble-
man to- high imperial officer: ..All
your petitioners usually trouble you
about the affairs of this life; but beg
leave to trouble you about death.
Though but thirty-seven years old, I
shall soon depart this world, for my
health is ruined. I trust my soul to
God and my body to you. The idea OF
its decay is the burden of my life; and
therefore I respectfully request an or.
der that it be burned on the woodpile,
for which I have already provided
twenty five cords of wood.''