Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-05-20
MARK TWAIN on ENGLAND
Americas Melancholy humSFlst Explalht
Why He Doesn't Write About Her.

From an Interview in Parisli
Why have you never written a
book about England2"
" | have spent a great deal of time
in England (your question is not a
new one to me) and | made a world of
notes, but it was Of no use. | couldn't
get any fun out Of England. 1t is too
grave a country. And its gravity
sOaks into the stranger and makes him
as serious as everybody else. When |
was there | couldn't seem to think of
anything but deep problems of gov
eminent, taxes, free trade, finance
and every night | went to bed drunk
with statistics. | could have written
a million books, but my publisher
would have hired the common hang
man to burn them. One is bound to
respect England-she is Que of the
three great republics Of the world
in some respects she is the most real
republic of the three, too, and in
other respects she isn't, but is not a
good text for hilarious literature. No,
there wasn't anything to satirize-
what | mean is, you couldn't s~atirize
any given thing in England in any but
a hslf-hearted way, because your con
science told you to look nearer home
and you would find that very thing at
your own door. A man with a hump
backed uncle mustn't make fun of an
other mans cross-eyed aunt"
1.-The English love for the lord, for
instance? | don't mean the Lord OF
the prayer-bOOk, but the lord Of the
~peerage?"
II couldn't grid at the English love
for titles while our own love for titles.
was still more open to sarcasm. Take
our Hon. for instance. Unless my
memory has gone wholly astray, no.
man in America has a right to stick
that word before his name to do so is
a shame, and a very poor shame at
that. At the beginning of this cen
fury members of the two houses Of
congress were, referred to simply as
Mr. So-and-SO. But this sham
Hon. has since crept in, and now it
is unlawfully conferred upon members
of State legislatures and even upon
the mayors aud city councillors of the
paltriest back settlements. Follow
the thing a little further. In England
temporary titles are dropped when
their time is up. The lord mayor of
London is addressed as My Lord all
through his year of office, but the
moment he is out he becomes plain
Mr.. again. But with US, once
Hon. always Hon, once Governor
always Governor. | know men who
were members Of legislatures, or may
Ors of villages, twenty years ago, and
they are always mentioned in the
papers as the Hon. to this day. |
know people who were lieutenant
governors years ago and they are
called governor to this day-yet
the highest title they have ever
had any right to, in .ofice or
out Of it, was plain Mr. You see,
yourself, it wouldn't quite answer for
me to poke fun at title loving English
meh-I should hear somebody squeal
behind ME and find | had stepped on
the tail of some ex-oficial monkey of
our own. | couldn't s%atirize the Eng
lish civil service, it was excellent and
our wasn't; it was open to everybody,
rich or poor. conspicuous or obscure,
whereas ours was only open to scrubs
who would do political dirty work for
public enemies ike Mr.. Conkling-
Hon. Me- Conkling. to use the obse-
quious illegal phrase of the day. ]
| eouldnt venture to besareastic about
the horrible corruption Of English
officials, for how could | know but
that something of the SAINT kind. in a
minor degree, might be discovered
among our own officials at any moment.
| couldn't s%atirize English justice, for
it was exactly like our W and every
other countrys. That is to say, there
didn't appear 10 be any particular rule
in the matter of penalties. No, |
Whitfield my opportunities down to
this. One could fling criticisms at the
Unmatched cOlOrs of English ladies
dresses, he eauld poke fun at the ped
ding of sermons and reyersions of
'livings, and say sarcastic things about
various other trifes, but after his book
was finished there wouldn't be fun
enough in it to keep the reader from
dying of melancholy. No, | looked
the ground all over; there's nothing
funny in England"
why, there's the English humor
GUS papers"
They are not funny they are pa
thetic."
"You could have written about the
manners and customs
Yes, but only to a certain extent.
| could have written as much as |
pleased about public manners and Gus.
toms and been free to applaud or to
blame-but there an end. The real
interests would lie in the private and
domestic manners and customs. and |
have no right to print anything about
those, either ~praisefully or otherwise. .
Mr. Dickens was not so particular
with American"
No, he wasn't; but he recognized
later that he had done a thing not Ia
be proud Of, but just the reverse.
J When be came to America the second
time he apolOgized. But this i.
neither here nor there. Private mat
ters are private matters, and il is not
right to NEEDLE with them. We all
have our superstitions, and that is ono
! Of mine"
4 District Ruled by an Au,a,or