The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-03-13
PASSING SMILES.

NILSSON lost her voice, DuG MI. N HsooH
says he knows better.-Bafalo Express.
THE man who sighed for the wings of
bird did not apparently know that the
legs were much nicer eating.-Neao York
World.
"WHEN shall 1 call you in the morn
ing, sir?" asked hotel waiter of an
Aberdenian one night. He replied,
haughtily, "Pll ring the bell when L
wish to be called."-Nea0 York Erpress.
SENATOR McCREERY's ideal of per-
feet bliss is journalistically described as
this: To sit under tree in his Ken
lucky home on a summers afternoon,
and watch little negroes play marbles.
THE force of habit is so great that
some families will send servant two
blocks beyond grocery store for the
purpose of borrowing little tea from
a neighbor-Neao Orleans Picayune.
THERE is no excuse for a man to go
shuffling through life with his hands in
his pockets and no more animation about
him than an old door-mat on which
everybody wipes their feet.-Hdckensack
Republican.
A LITTLE girl who was spending few
days with farmer uncle visited the
BARNARD, and while looking at the we'll
fed COWS, remarked: "Why, uncle,
Just see, all the COWS are chewing gum,
aren't theyT
THE mule is a disappointing animal.
One fell down shaft in Maryland
eighty-fve feet deep. Every one said:
"That mules dead" but it was hoisted
up uninjured and walked away, and just
as every one said, "That mules not
hurt" it laid down and died.
"HAND my card to Mr.. Fizniggle,o
said shabbily-dressed man to an office
boy. Certainly, sir" was the reply.
| In two minutes the boy returned.
| "Will he see mew asked the man.
"No; he told me to tell you that he'd
gone out of town yesterday, and wouldn't
| be back for k."--New York E1press.
THERE is still great deal of poverty
so poor that a month ago he sold his dog,
and on Tuesday last his vote. He got
seventy-fve cents for his dog and tive
dollars and fifty cents for his vote. A
vote is worth more, it appears, than the
average dog, but it can't howl as
dismally at night.-Mor7Tstoaon Herald.
Two simple young fellows and gay
| To a surprise party h1ed away
With two girls from the city,
| Both charming and witty.
And they danced till the break of the day
And when they arrived home it's need
less to say their parents were in high
| state of indignation, and the young men
will consult their own interests by
standing on the opposite side of the
| street and carrying on conversation
- -Bufdlo Express.
FRANCE spends fifteen and a half
times as much on her army as on her
schools, Italy twelve times as much,
England five and half times, Ger
many four and two-ffth times, Austria
four times, and Switzerland one and
one-eighth times. Per head of popula-
ton. France spends on her army 10s.,
and England lbs. 54d.
In some instances it takes one thou
sand pieces of japanese money to make
dollar. When the basket is passed
around in aJapanese church it is fire.
quently returned to the pulpit running
over with coins, and yet only contains
seventy-fve cents. Church-going people
find this money a great convenience
Norristoacn Herald.
A SENSITIVE man would rather face
loaded cannon's mouth than have con-
tribution box showed under his nose
when his girl is eagerly watching him,
and he knows there is no money IN his
clothes-not even a scent of cologne.
, This is what makes so many of our
Young men look old and careworn be-
fore their time-Hdckensack Republican.
WHEN woman spends three hours in
a hot kitchen, and roasts her brains out,
I almost, in preparing tempting and ap-
petizing dinner for her husband, to
which he sits down without word OF
: commendation, and replies, when asked
how he likes his dinner, "Oh, it will
dol" the tired-out wife doesn't feel en-
couraged to waste much time on his
supper.-Norristoicn Herald.
ANOTHER counterpart to the hardly
. ever" word-play has been discovered by
the Philadelphia Bulletin in an old anec-
dote of Louis XIV of France. In the
i chapel at Versailles, one Sunday, where
!. the King, Mme du Barry and all the
4 court we're present, the preacher began
t his sermon solemnly with the words,
q "My friends, we must all die" The
! King was disturbed and made grimace,
]. whereupon the courtly preacher added,
# cor nearly ALL"
o WE want to exchange with some
:. papers that don't tell their readers when
9 a resident dies that she was an old and
= respected citizen, whose death is re.
i GREETED by the entire community, and
n his demise will leave a vacancy which
e can never be filled" 1t makes the
l. people wLo are left behind feel that
e they are paltry set of villains, whose
9 deaths will be announced by ringing oi
= bells, booming of guns, ard a genera
# "whoop Ter up, boys; old Jones ha:
l. kicked the bucketw-OI City Derrick.
e THERE is something radically wrong
l. in the laws of our beloved country. In
our courts a few weeks since they sen
Is fenced poor, half-starved man TO ont
:: wears imprisonment for snarching &
:. pocket-book from a lady's hand (girls
r. beware). and at the same time vii
e lainous wretch, who, not satisfied witt
le kicking his wife over the kitchen floor
u dragged her by the hair of the head al
:: over the house, received sentence o
u u one month. Can any one shed light ol
% the subject? Where is the justice in
a sentence like this? (No answer to thi
j. conundrum expected.)
o. The Pestilence and Famine in Brazil
W The New Orleans Picayune says:
y gentleman who has recently returned +
~ this CITY from Brazil informs us tina
d, the accounts of the ravages of famin
and pestilence in that country ar
#. greatly exaggerated. He states that il
re- the Province of Ceara it has not raine'
of during the last three and half year.
e and that the consequence is that a
P, vegetation and everything else dried u
gu gu in the interior, and the natives had I
al resort to the capital for food during th
ed months of May and June last. Vine
ch they arrived at Ceara to the number G
as one hundred thousand, they lived in th