The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-10-02
MJJLTUM IN PARVO.

Il
A SYRACUSE paper has been calling
the watermelon II grecn-hide monster.
THE Afghan soldiers fight best after
they have surrendcred.-N. 0. Picav-
une.
TIE watch lacks self-respect; it is
always trying to run itself down.-Bos-
ton Post.
IT'S an Ill wind that blows nobody
good. When it destroys houses it makes
work for mechanics.
IT IS not enough for people to follow
the fashions. They must keep up with
them if they would be stylish.
Mrs. PARTINGTON, speaking of the
rapid manner in which evil deeds were
perpetrated, said that it only required
two seconds to fight a duel.
AN Irishman who had on a very rag
ged coat was asked of what stuff it was
made. 'Bedad, l don't know; think
the most of it is made Of fresh air.
WHATEVER else,' says Professor
Huxley, 'can be said about MEN Of
science. it cannot be said that they en-
deavor to conceal one another's mis-
;:,kes.''
SOME people will commit crime with
one foot in the grave. A women one
hundred years old is reported as learn
ing 10 play an ACCORDION up in Vermont.
Boston transcript.
BETTER lay in your coal now. Pro-
lessor Schaffer, of Pottsville, in lee
ture before the Society for the Advance
ment Of Science, says the anthracite
coal fields will be exhausted in the year
2O65.--Philadetphia Chronicle Herald.
Wilt some one who is verscd in the
science of sound please get up and ex-
plain why hotel waiter, who can't
hear the call of hungry man two feet
and half away, can hear the jingle of
q quarter clear across dining-room?
LORD COCKBURN was seated one day
on the hillside of Bonally with Scotch
shepherd, and, observing the sheep re-
posing in the coolest situation, he OBJ
served to him: "John, if were a
sheep would lie on the other side of
the hill.'' The shepherd answered,
cay, my lord, but if We had been q
sheep We wad have had mair sense.n
A TEN-YEAR-oLD boy, Boosting Of his
fathers accomplishments, puts it thus:
envy father can do almost anything:
he's Notary Public, and he's an apoth-
ecary, and can pull teeth; and he's g
horse doctor, and can mend wagons
and things, and play the fiddle; he's a
jackass at all trades.''
GIVE your poultry double rations in
view of Thanksgiving. If intended for
market, keep them well supplied with
gravel 1t helps to digest their food:
There is nothing that 50 literally re-
pays investment. Gravel can be got
for the hauling, and brings a shilling a
pound when sold as poultry. The
farmer who sells chicken with empty
gizzard has mistaken his calling.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
A wELL-KNOwN Bostonian was try
ing q horse one day, in company with
the owne., professional Jockey"
Having driven him mile or two, the
gentleman, who noticed that he pulled
pretty hard and showed a good deal of
spirit. requiring constant watching and
a steady rein, said: "Do you think that
is just the horse for woman to driven
"Well, sir,' answered the jockey, ~
must say that shouldn't want to marry
the woman that could drive that horse. -
boston Journal.
"DO YOU know anybody that
buried up in that cemetery?' said an
elderly lady passenger to a railroad
conductor, pointing to resting place
for the dead that the cars were whist
ling past. '.No, ma'am, 1 don't"
"How long have you been conductor
ing on this road?'' "About four years,
ma am.'' "Wen, if I'd been four
years on this road I'd found out suthin'
or other. 1 sh' d hate to be so ignorant"
and an expression of extreme disgust
stole over her face as she put down her
parasol with a thud.--NeW Haven Reg
aster.
A FEW days ago Justice Of the Peace
John Weber took his little son down to
Toledo on an excursion. The lad inter-
viewed the man ut the wheel, and gath
cred much information relative to the
business of steamboating. Presently
his father joined him on the hurricane
deck and asked him how he was enjoy
ing himself. First rate" was the en-
thusiastic reply. I'm going to be a
steamboat man, papa "All right, !"
responded the Judge" "but you'll
have to study navigation, astronomy
and divers other sciences in order to be
a good one." The lad said nothing at
the time, but appeared to be revolving
the difficulties of the case in his mind.
Perhaps half an hour later he remarked,
with much gravity, ''Papa, l guess l
won't be a steamboat man I'd rather
be a Justice of the Peace you don't
have to know anything for that. DE
trot Free Press.
Mrs. GOODINGTON has been shop
ping. "The clerks" she says, "treat-
ed me with the outermOst condensa-
ton s long s as they could git any,
thing out O. me; but no sooner had one
of 'em found out that two yards O.
caliker and a hank O yarn was all !
wanted, than he began screaming out,
Cash! afore he'd half done 'em up.
jest told him that if l didn't have a
trail two yards long dangling to the
eend of my gown and a bonnit on the
tip eend O. my pug, wasn't to be in
suited by popinjay like him. He
looked cheap enough, l can tell yer,
and tried to make an exploitation. But
1 guess they don't think much on him
in the shop, for no sooner did I take
my puss out O my ridicule than up
steps raal purity little boy, no bigger'n
our Steve, and takes the money right
out O. the hand of that sarse-box.-
Boston Transcript.
An Ambulance for Accidents in New
York.
SUDDENLY a lond-toned bell audible