The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-02-11

At end Of journey, without further &C.
cident, bought return ticket; looked at
end Of car, and saw sign, mo Smoking
Aloud" | qaietly lit cigar (no ladies in
carl; didn't make the least noise, but con-
ductor told me smoking wasn't allowed.
Told him TO take down That sign and fix It.
Conductor said, "bully for you" Engine
of homewarl. Away we 90 again. An.
other look ahead; something in the
distance; saw buggy; in It hig stove.
pipe hat; as il came nearer, saw hat
had been ironed up 10 dull shine; this
being the case, must be a colporteur, sew.
ing machine, or lightning rod man. Away
We went, slam-bang-buggy-sky.high and
then down again in instalmonts; horse
and Colporter both dead on side OF road
wife thrown out; false teeth aud false hair
displaced; not otherwise injured; tough
old joker, wasn't she2 Engine good mis-.
sionary; forcible distribution Of the Cos.
pei; Bible leaves scattered all around !;
picked up one; read as follows: "Let him
that thinketh he standeth take heed lest
he fall" Just suit rolp0rter before The
crash, wouldn't it? Saw railroad director
pick up leaf Just where the poor Colpor-
teur was laid low, and read the following
conundrum: "Where is Abel thy broth.
er?" He gave It up, and dropped the
leaf like a hot brick. After help.
ing TO straighten up things, got
on the train again, and Of again
Took another look out; saw funeral party
on the way to Greenwood or Calvary
Cemetery; big cortege-immense, surely
some bloatel bondhoIder. Engineer Stacks
up, the smallest tribe, to show, anyhow, a
slight respect to capital, l suppose. De
crease OF speed, not enough, however;
same result; horses frightened; pell nell
they go; carriages upset, occupants injured
IN. B.-No L. Il. Directors among em) =;
hearse wreck except plated imitation sil.
yer ornaments, value fabulous; strange To
say, coffin uninjurel! stranger still, heard
noise IN IT,! opened II, out jumped CORPSE :
had been in a three days trance had been
previously taking mcdicine-Dr. Fleabot-
toms Painting Fit illustrator; dose didn't
work properly until shaken up well by
collision; accident perfect god.send to him.
Lucky wife Of dead colporteur came up,
nearly out oil breath; begged undertaken
TO get coffin for dead husband; told her
one for sale there on the spot; would sell
cheap; bargain then made for half prlce
funeral; Just in nick OF time, wasn't abe j?
On coming into town, late corpse would
have nothing to do with mourners who
brought him out; told friends to 60 to col.
porteur's iuneral-hed go to town on
Blaze Away cars. Got on cars, and sat
down with director Of road, who told him
as soon as this affair became known B. A.
R. K. stock would go right up. Advised
him that he had just been elected Presi.
dent Of the Moonshine & Cobweb Selt.Ad.
iusting, Double Action, Extension Brush
Company; needed money badly; would
sell B. A. r. R. stock at a fair premium
say 40 per cent; in 90 days would be
worth 20 above par, but couldn't wait;
must have money. Corpse took him up;
director unloaded on spot at 10 premium.
Note at ten days, well endorsed.
On way home nothing further occurred,
except tipping over three or four heavy
loads OF hay, and distributing the contents
Of few milk.wagons. Nobody hurt.
JONATHAN BRlSDLg,
Stock Dealer,