The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-09-25
PASSING SMILES.

THE house-builder's scafolding is q
put-up job. = 80, - - 80, =. ''''
Is the knot in the porker's tail pigs
tye? '3atde / ais1.iais-
SOME men pay attention who never
pay anything else. a9TEdYA 4
APHoR1sM by aperfectly reckless belle:
"Be flirtuous and you will be happy"
FISHES are hard-hearted things; we
all know that fishes spawn their young.
"OUT on, a hy""- las the afectionate
husband said when his wife jumped out
of the window. !ay@ Hs GaAoS
If yourwife object to kissing you be-
cause you smoke, simply remark that you
know some girl who will That settles it.
THE difference between a3woman and
an umbrella is, that there are times
when one can shut up an umbrella.
1T doesn't do any good to swear, but
you can't make a man believe it, when
he gets up in the morning and finds his
dog has chawed a hole in his boot.
AFTER man, came women, and after
woman the d----lI That doesn't sound
very elegant, but then there is lots of
truth init. LILA RAEI1IB
BEAUTY and booty says White
hall young man.. lis all right, except
when the daughte' beauty is accom-
panicd iysshe<ofd gentieman's bootee." !"
prove that women s. teeth
decay atan earlier age than mems, which
conclusfvely proves that spruce gum is
more injurious than tobacco. yz'i7f51i
':.F...:I..:y..-.;;,;-t.:...i,. me-.
Egpress. We can, knock the
spots out of the above:
78F5gG Egdynl0Jt i m % e.
Boston Journal of Commerce. .sil tsgtl
."DoN'T you think" said husband
"that women are possessed by the devilP'
eyes," was the equick reply, as soon
as they are married.n.i7 Ig sdE
4. A MAN who. will cooHy stand by and
See fellow being try to unlock a
alamp post with his night-key to the
front door, was built on false founda-
tion, and needs overhauling. ..;. 4,.,.,
% THEY told the old man his girl was
keeping a milliner store, and when he
went home and teldsit, all the neighbors
wondered what she kept mill in her
store. for. ,.--t .,.-,-is.. ,.,a. -
'nA" Don't be afraid to praise your. SER
wants when they deserve il, !" remarks an
exchange but the minute the husband
tries that ON the hired girl she has to
hunt FOR another situation. '''i S
s5iLoRD BEAcoxsFIELD frequentlys starts
in his sleep haunted by massa'cred officers
and weeping widows, and shrieks out:
;" Hencel horrible shadow, unreal mock
cry, hence ~ but, they don't hencesa 81
az He asked her: 4 Going awayY "Yes;
going to the sea baths" "What! in
such chilly weather as this? You vii:
never 60 into the waterp' ooh, yes 1
will; + m all fixed up for that 'tR tReal1y7"
! '"EYes; I've had al my bathing dresses
trimmed with fur" ," ''
"BoY, don't you know any better than
to- be lettering around the streets in this
way on this beautiful Sabbath .dayp
said Sunday school teacher on his way
to his Bible class. ooh, my eye, guess
I do, sir; Pm q, goin' fshin' justas soon as
the other fellows come along" exclaimed
the young hopeful o9q sl '1s'F'h
liz" DoNT be cast down, my poor iwo-
man, said a peripatetic philanthropist to
a native of the Green Isle In the midst
! of SO uaiorand wretchedness; - you may
yet get ahead in, the, world, "Ahead is
itT' was the quick retort," and shure if
l cud get head of cabbage for himself,
and brid and petasies for the childers it
wud be esall r d. eax.a y9azsomSI 81
? EDWARD" said Mr.. Rice,a "whatsdo
/ hear, that you have disobeyed your
ctouump down these stepse'l'e Grandma
. didn't tell us not to, papa; she only came
/, to the door and said, I wouldn't, jump
down those steps, boys and shouldn't t
think she would, an old lady like herP'
!, "A ST. LOUIS doctor, speaking of bis
wife, says: don't love her; I have
Z never had a kind word from her for
!, years When,I come in from my prac-
tice want pleasant face, and kind
word It isn't the woman's fault, I sup
pose. God Almighty himself couldn't
live with, her, and He made her. Had
the doctor no hand himself in making
her what she is7'T "a f1.l@ ~ l!iH u
n. SINGULAR, but q married man, in q
street, car can see the look of pretty
iahxiety come over d pretty girls face
! clear at the other end of the car the mo-
ment she begins to tumble for her fare
long before she is ready, but he can't see
his wife down ON her knees crawling
round in the straw feeling for the nickel
she had dropped, until the driver wraps
the lines about the brake and comes IN to
help her. Ha,okeye. ao:s lDG VI Sng
THERE are many would-be aristocrats
who have little more claim to blue blood
than the old gIrishwoman, who, in bid
ding her son goodbye on his leaving the
parental roof, said: I" No, Jimmie, when
you get yer shtand, an haz yer peanuts
/ an yer apples shin like shtars in the
hivins all in a row. side by side, an the
gintlemens come along to buy, don't for
git who yeziare. Hould your head high,
for there's great talk now about furrust
families3 an as yer. .doin' up the bundles
tell thin yer grandfather was the furrust
man who liver set foot or squatted upon
the bogs beyont." ID @''loeI 9aA