The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-12-13
ODDS AND ENDS.


or an aspiring poetess:
uniOEtunate lady bow sad Is your lOli
Your hpGletl Are Ied-youT poems IrS not.
TRANPs have generally no religious be.
liet, but all lean toward the church Of
roam.
He said her hair was dyed, and when
she Indignantly exclaimed, at Is false!''
He said he presumed SO.
Irisa happy provision Of nature tina,
people do not know when they lose their
senses, and fools do not miss the absence
Of brains.
PARK BESJANrN. Ph.D., wants criminals
to be killed by electricity instead Of the
rope. Are not executions shocking
enough already2
TRYING TO do business without adyertis.
ing is like winking at 4 girl in the dark.
You may know what you are doing, but
nobody else does,
A GLAss blower has recently died at the
age Of one hundred and ten years. His
great age Is another proof OF the truth Of
the blewglass theory.
TouR intended Is hideous," says a
frank French friend. True" says tho
tiancee, "but II you only knew how they
notice me when he's along"
"EvERYrHNo," says western paper,
'has recently advanced In price except
liberty, which remains at eternal vigil.
ance, with liberal reductions to the trade"
A MINNESOTA man dropped dead i'm.
medlRlely after depositinH his vote In the
ballot-bOx. Not knowing the ticket he
voted, we are unable TO point the moral
In this case.
LIBERAL ESouGH.-Rey. Stranger, point.
Ing to the Madison Avenue Garden;
"What church Is that, my lad?" NCws.
BOY; Go as you please church, sir.
Have a paper2"
A TON Of gold makes fraction over hall
q million Of dollars, and when 4 man saws
his wife Is worth her weight in gold, and
she weighs 100 pounds, she Il worth
$50 0O0.-Yonkers Gd;cttt.
A LITrLE girl in Sunday school who had
been pulling her doll to pieces during the
week was asked BY the teacher; "WhAt
was Adam made OH" Answer: ''Dust"
And what was Eve made OFF, Answer:
"Sawdust."
FELICIA was gliding down fremont street
10 Boston the other afternoon, with a
Derby hat on and carrying her hands In
the pockets Of her long ulster, when a
small boy ran up and said "Say, Miss, il
you had cigar now, you'd be all right
wouldn't yerT
MlS the pilgrimage Of life," said Daddy
Wilson, oracularly, humility is the boss
pilgrim. Take things easy and walk q
leetle ways behind" SWELL" spoke up
his grandson, 'that depends. / don't
want TO walk behind II there's a thunder.
Ing big jackAss Just In front Of me-"
A GEOGRAPHY recitation In Nevada must
DO interesting. Just imagine 4 schoolboy
standing up and gravely rattlIug OF the
following before COMMITTEES OF the Board
Of Education: "Bdttermilk canyon Is ia
the Paradise mountains, northwest from
Eden, about ten miles from GouHe-Eye, on
the road leading from Lim6utger 10
WhooP- Em-Up, by the way OF bell Town,
Lay.'Em'Out and Hungry, and lust over
the mountains from Bung.Eye and Knock.
'Em-Stif."
General Reuben was seated on mack.
erel barre, with his feet on couple OF SD.
gar'hogsheads, and had Just given an &C
count OF how he iroLe them sliding down
hill In the winter Of rs. There was 81.
lence Tor few minutes, Interrupted by
an interrogation from Mozart DaGodil
do you mean, general, TO have our I'm.
derstandlng comprehend dat you iroxe
bot Of dem feet In one winter?h "Bof,n
replied the general, cutting OF a piece Of
tobacco about the size Of q toy harnonica.
Alter another reign OF silence the general
demanded, "Do you doubt that statement,
sah?' mo" replied Mozart, 81 was only
thinking what a long, hard winter 1t must
lAther RellEAuL, and speak 10 me Ioui
lFuAl the barber, the time u near
Whsl esIears may talk tfOn ear 10 ar,
lAsAst me lightly, And:IPeAk TO ne IovI
lAtheT me lightly, and speak 10 ne low!
Q, intsrrOgltlTe barber mine,
Go9r elose warm breath Is ItTOpE like WIzt-
tlAthOT me herr
Here In the other sys)-tPeak % me low
lAiAef me lightly, and speak 10 me lou!
lelVS one eyebrow, add ,'sEt" mr. Glrs
AiE roy tlthbt Of hlSQd and |sirs'.-
ItAthH Il lightly, and speak Il lOvtl