Litchfield enquirer., 1879-03-06
CLIPPINGS.
Put away your Chinese lantern.

Put away your Chinese lantern.
 The fellow who rang the bell for a false alarm of fire tolled lie.
 When you have family jar you can't al- ways preserve the peace.
 There's music in the heir," says Jones. Jones has brand-new baby at his house.
 A hangman being asked by a stranger what trade he pursued, replied that he was finish Will Congress please pass law prohibiting more than fifteen Eli Perkinses to come to this country on one vessel?
 The ancient Egyptians did not use tobacco, and mark you the ancient Egyptians are dead. The Vanderbilt will contest against time con- tinues to scatter golden blessings on the law yers engaged. sEssSts Every loaf of bread sold in Cincinnati must have its weight stamped on it. This makes light bread scarce. -.r-.e.-sa -.-- ..,-= An why is an Irshman like ship :" asked Mike. 'Bcdad, it's because aich one of em is followed by wake"
 The most bashful girl we ever heard of was young lady who blushed when she was asked if she had not been courting sleep.
 New Jersey wants a monument for Christo- pher Columbus who at one time was the only man who knew that America was here.
 A bashful and timid young Toledoan, in love wants to know if 1t wouldn't be a good thing for him to secure the services of the Teller committed ..
 Gilmore is so used to hearing his band play that on off nights when he is travelling in the cars he takes tea grains of quinine' so as to have music in his ears. ~.1 +
 "You oughtn't to drink, says friend ''See how it makes you stagger when you try to walk," "Thaz ars," says the wretch 's1 ossent try to walk thaz whaz the matter.
 The city editor of The Des Moines Register speaking from experience, says that ''the beau ty of young mans parting his hair in the middle is that it gives both ears an equal chance to flop" y @ :-
 Those among our countrymen who have been assaulted with cold pokers should feel easer. In England the housewives seldom use poker on their husbands unless it is red hot. IF ra~
 A boy of twelve, dining at his5uncle's made such good dinner that his aunt observed: i: Johnny, you appear to eat we'll" "Yes aun- ty," replied the urchin, 'Tve been practicing eating all my life"
 What, jography, Bill?" 'Tts a telling of forrin lands that we know nothin about ye 'cute chaps that never seen 'em." Bill got a government situation tfs #@,e s1f. ~s Death-bed repentance may be all right, says Elder Smuggins, but people are not like ly to scintillate in Heaven who sin till late on earth.
 There is not probably a woman in all this broad, sunny land of ours who doesn't think that the carving fork was made for the express purpose of pulling corks out of bottles.
 The popular conundrum, ''What are the wild waves saying,n Is shorn of its terrors. Last night, in moment of inspiration, it oc- cured to us that they are merely discussing current topics.
 It has probably become painfully apparent to most men who have had experience that one small crevice in a woodshed will let in more snow during storm than could possibly get in if the whole roof were off Z 1-'-a >-@
 We wrote that twelve carriages would be the limit at funerals hereafter, and the printer made 1t twelve cartridges This will admit Of a surplus in most cases of funeral, except where it is policeman who uses, the cart ridges. ~f ~..@-E lt
 We can dimly perceive, coming up the steep of time, the day when the professors of pugi- lsm in our college faculties will sit at the rig ht hand of the presidents, and look down upon professors of theology and metaphysics.
 When Colfax married pretty Nellie Wade, years ago, it was Noble Prentiss who went about among his acquaintance, asking, gstSince Colfax had Nellie Wade, why does he not have her uncle weighed also? And when they would all give itup, he could answer: ''Because he's Ben Wade'' '~@ I >N& &~ tA
 A wepan cured her husband of staying ont late at night by going !to the door when 7he came home and whispering through the kev. hole, ''ls that you Willie? ?" Her husbands name is John, and he stays at home every night now, and sleeps with one eve open and revolver under his pillow
 A gentleman who is no longer young. and who never was handsome, says to a child in the presence of its parents: T"Weu, my child what do you think of me, eh ?" The little one makes no reply, and the gentleman con tinues: "Well, so you won't tell me what you think of me. Why won't you?" ''Cause don't want to get licked"
 ''The intelligent foreigner. Miss Smith 4zCan you pick out Archie and Kate down there. Mr. Calembert P'-Mr. C.-"Oh, yes l am yer good-looking. Miss s. (gently):- As'That does not mean 'keen-sighted. ''-Mr. C.."Ah, yes, yes; vat meanI am looking yer well!" 34s s.l3 f-at isst ea