San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1879-02-22
WIT and WISDOM.


ff sac go - ftI .suIl.a
MARRIAGE is no uneven game. 1t is
q tic.
SPREAD yourself" as the bread re-
marked TO the butter.
"AwL have / give unto thee" said
the shoemaker to his bride.
A GREAT many young men who swors
off on the LIST OF January have resumed.
PULLING husbands hair and leaving
him unprotected at the polls is known
to jurists as wigamy. Wv .'e'"
Mrs. JONES says her husband can
never be struck by lightning, because
he always gets in SO late. h''Ja'fA
A GIRL at school would like to have
two birthdays every year. When she
growf up woman she objects to having
one.' r,r. r ft.,.
"WE old maids, remarked Miss Stib-
bens, love cats because we have no
husbands, and cats are almost as trea-
cherous as men," ,0u gtag
p HE said but little, yet as he gazed on
the mutilated edge of his best razor he
mentally vowed never again to marry a
woman will, corns.
MOTHER, I've Come Home to Dye"
as the young lady said when she came
home from shopping with bottle of
hair coloring under her arm.
b. L.. "' .F
If mean man has the dumps, let
him dump ton of coal in front of a
poor widows door. 1t will do him
good.-Ne,r Orleans Picayune.
The Dubuque Telegraphlhas a fe-
male city editor who stays up till 2
o'clock in the morning smokes briar-
root pipe, and writes faster than any
two men on the paper.
THE class in grammar will please to
stand up and answer this question
Hsw do you parse the word dollar?"
Please, sir, if it's trade-dollar, you
parse it for ninety cents.
The tradesman at the corner ac-
knowledges that to give only lao eggs
in box marked "12 doz." is a gross
mistake, but he holds that to have put
in Ids would have been grocer one.--
Puck. nd r. a-s.t
IT is estimated that the late snow
blockade delayed over 1000 marriages,
and caused fourteen barrels Of tears.
Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he
can't at now-banks.-Fa'ee Press.
WHAT did you do them" asked
Col. George, after badgering o witness
in the Lowell railroad case at Salem.
4" went to the rescue, like lawyer, for
q mans pocket-book," replied the art
less witness. 'f 7l4.
Two LITTLE girls were talking to
each other this morning, and one said,
with the greatest naivete: ave have
new school lam, and she don't know
nOthing-(a pause)-she don't know
how to whip scholar"
THE compositor who knew more than
the writer and ruled out the phrase:
" The boy is father to the man, as non
sense, changing it into The man is
father to the boy" is in search of anew
Standardization transcript.
A RELIGIOUS newspaper will 60 the
round of the family circle and still look
bright and clean, but when the family
story paper makes the circuit it looks as
if it had served in the capacity of a
hustle, and been given to the baby to
cut its teeth on.
A FOND mother, hearing that an
earthquake was coming, sent her boys
to a friends in the country to escape it.
After few days she received a note
from the friend, saying, Take your
boys away and send along the earth
quake instead"
A BRIGHT little three-year old, living
on Elm street, while her mother was
trying to get her to sleep, became in
terested in some outside noise. She
was told that it was caused by cricket.
when she sagely observed, Mamma, /
think he ought to be oiled. "-Montpe-
iier U'dtchmGH.
THE mother who is a true artist in
using her hand TO spank with never de-
liyers a perfectly verital whack. She
aims at the exposed part obliquely,
thereby imparting a keen, singing sem
sation that doubles the child up into
dozen or eighteen more knots than the
perpendicular style could produce
AndTel-s' BdFdr.
Il An told, said Mrs. Gubbins, the
other day, that a good deal Of suffer-
ing exists among the 'pheaants in
Europe, in consequence of their not be-
ing able to obtain work. And when
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