The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-04-18
PEOPLE AND THINGS.

ana the member never hitting, still is sit
Passing laws the like Of which we never saw
before;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a fell
low who Is scheming
Things of which his folks are never dream
| ing in their rustic lore.
Edith-"Now, grandpa, don't the BIZ
bic say our hairs are all numbered ?"
Bald headed grandpa-''Yes, child, yes !"
Edith-"Wel1, grandpa, it didn't trouble
them much to count yours, did it?'-|
American Punch
The Detroit Free Press expresses the
opinion that what the country most
| wants is more politics. Perhaps; but it
| will be necessary to build on an addi-
| ton in order to accommodate it.-Buffa-
10 Express.
Union college is quietly giving to
women the same sort of instruction that
has been offered by Harvard A class of
20 young ladies have recently been study
ing geology under tutor Ballart and
Prof Webster.
''Now, isn't he an angel? '' said fond
mother as she seated the little fellow in
his high chair at the table for the first
time. "a sort of a destroying angel, 4" re-
marked the cynical father as he saw the
So castor go spinning to the floor with a
crash.-New Haven Register.
Here" said the farmer, as he exhibit
ed broken jar to the manufacturer, II
packed this jar full of butter, and the jar
split from top to bottom. Perhaps you
can explain the phenomenon" "Oh,
yes, cam" was the ready reply, ''the
butter was stronger than the jar."-Sy-
racuse Times.
AT the cooking lecture, lady soliloqui-
Zing: "NOw that she's got it cooked,
wish she'd tell us how to use up cold
mutton" Next lady overhears and re-
marks: 81 have some infallIble recipes"
First lady alert with pencil and note
book: will you please favor me?"
Second lady-"Six boys!"
A member of the rhetorical class in a
certain college had just finished his de-
clamation, when the professor said:
MIR, do you suppose a general
would address his soldiers in the man
ner in which you spoke that piece? ?"
"4es, sir, do" was the reply, "if he
was half scared to eath."-Boston
Globe.
A bill in the Delaware legislature pro-
poses to fine tramps 800. But this is
not enough. A tramp will put his hand
in his pocket, draw forth the fine, and
go on his way committing depredations
and begging for cold victuals. What is
needed is law to confiscate the thous-
ands of dollars worth of real estate own
| ed by the majority of tramps.-Norris-
town Herald.
Our namesake of Portland tells of an
old farmer who, having eaten an oyster
stew for the first time, said: ~ like the
soup pretty well, but l didn't like them
polly-wogs." This recalls the story of
the Hoosier who lunched with General
jackson, and had, among other things,
champagne and olives. General" he
said, slapping the old hero on the back,
81 like your cider, but-your pickles"
Boston Transcript.
Clearly no nation has any monopoly
on the good-natured man. He isn't ne
cessarily funny; sometimes he is stupid
often he is ignorant; but always he is
domestic blessing. Young man, if you
have any photographic aspirations, if you
want to do good in the world, if you
want to be blessing to mankind and
your family, don't try to be funny
Don't try to be witty Don't cultivate
sarcasm. Be good natured.-Bob Bur
dette.
Professor Quinton declares his belief
that at some future age of the world man
will have attained such a complete mas
terry over the forces of nature as to be
able to communicate with his fellows
over long distances, and from country to
country, merely by the exercise of his
will power. When this period arrives
our wife can halloo over the back fence
to Queen Victoria and ask her whether
she intends to have her new spring silk
made with Camargo basque displaying
the vest, or shirred front with bouffant
back drapery-or somehow that way
And every man will he his own Atlantic
cable.-Norristown Herald.
Spriggins had been reading of the war
in Afghanistan. Queer" said he, ''that
nations will go to war. Seems as though
they might get along without fighting,
just the same as people do; don't it
love?" Eyes, john" replied Mrs. s.,
just as we do, darling. Now there is
Sarah Jane BascOm, she that was a
Brown" my love-" broke in Sprig-
gins. "the Brown girl married Brins-
com. Twas Lncy Smith that" "Sprig-
ginsl" said Mrs. s. quickly, "yOu always
do get them two mixed" "You mean
yOu always get them mixed" responded |
Spriggins. Again Mrs. ST say that
Miss Bascom was Brown, and I'll stick |
to it to my dying day. Mr. 81
"And ! say she wasn't; so there" Mrs.
Sob, now you're getting mad" Mr.
S:-"You got yer Ebenezer up first"
Mrs. S.-"Yes, and yer enough to make |
an angel lose her temper. Alwus aggra- |
waiting all the time" And so they 90 on |
until Spriggins puts on his hat and goes
out, slammlng the door to with as plain |
swear word as door is capable of. |
And yet they wonder why nations will |
hght!-Boston Transcript.