The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-04-05
PASSING SMILES.

~ MAN WHo NVtho WIN VefsT -
lawyer.
Man who always act on the SQUARE
Chessmen.
THE whitewasher's business is always
slack.
WE meet to part again, as the bah
said to the bat.
No matter what rank vegetables may
attain, the cabbage will always be
head dckensack Republican.
THE man who has nothing to say takes
up all your time telling the lamentable
fact.-Netc York Ne,os.
NEVER say to the man running across
lots in the immediate lead Of wild bull,
:" BE not swift to take GENERALIZATION
Transcript.
In Mexico the most enterprlsing OF
the newspapers are printed in the after
noon and distributed or sold the follow
ing morning.
"ON this head" said the lecturer,
"there is nothing left to be desired"
The baldheaded man in the front row
imme diately rose to call to order.--Bos-
ton Transcript.
WILLIAM WINTER declares that he
did not write beautiful Snow" but
we are convinced that Beautiful Snow
is one of the productions of winter
Chicago Tribune.
TBE man who farms his brains to
their full extent year after year, and
does not believe in occasional fallow-
ings, will find at last that brains, like
land, will run out.---Albony Argus.
A WIT having been asked by another
person whether he would lend friend
of theirs money, said, "What! lend
him money! You might give him an
emetic and he wouldn't return It,"
On being deserted by her adorer, a
Young lady in the millinery line broke
forth in this way: "Such wretch
ought to be battered to death with
thimbles and buried in a handbook"
FRANK JOY thinks the greatest trial
Noah had, grew out of the fact that he
was for such long period, cut off from
all intercourse with insurance agents.
Saltwater Lumbernadn.
AN Irishman, upon his arrival in San
Francisco, noting the great number OF
military titles, exclaimed: What
great battle has been fought near here,
where all the privates were kiltP
YOUNG men sending spring poetry to
this Office will please iDclose their names
and addresses, not for publication, but
as an evidence of their insanity in case
they are ever arrested for murder
PHILADELPHIA Chronicle.
THE foolish man foldeth his hands
and saith: "There is no trade; why
should advertise But the wise man
is not 80. He whoopeth it up in the
newspaper, and verify he draweth Gus
toners from afar off.
Music has charms to soothe the
savage. This is why we occasionally
see cross dog with brass band around
his neck. - philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
FIRST swell" Look here, Fred, you
shouldn't wear 80 many big diamonds.
It's awfully bad FORM" Second swell
Bless your soul, dear boy, they amt
real" --Funny Folks.
ALITrLE boy, weeping most piteously,
was interrupted by some unusual occur
renee. He hushed his cries for
moment--the thought was broken.
"Ma," said he, resuming his smiling,
what was crying about just nowT'
AND now the gay end festive frog
Within the marsh Is seen; f
The oafers seek sunny spot
Upon he village green;
The trade In patent liver pills
Becomes steady thing
The rbymer with pensve air
Indites an ode 70 spring.
GUEST Oeaving at break up of party
to old family butler)-" Cunningham,
that's not my coat" Butler" 1t maun
be your coat" Guest" But it's mo- my
coat" Butler (dryly)-"A guild wheen
folk dinna ken their ain coats when they
leave this house." A
GENTLEMEN who would be considered
au fait in the matter OF dress will not
roll up their pants at the heel, as
formerly, but all around. The roll
should not extend over the hem, except
in severe cases of mud, when two rolls
the width of a hem is admissible.
THE humorist of the Burlington
Hawkeye has made six thousand dollars
this season on the lecture platform.
This is good deal better than sitting in
an editorial room all night and retiring
in the morning with paste in your hair
atlanta Constitution.
SOME bold body seized the Big
Indian" spirit by the leg at a seance in
Beebe Plain, Canada, and though the
apirit kicked like an army mule, the
| lights were turned on and Mrs. Huntoon,
| the celebrated medium, stood forth
revealed.
OLD RHYME FOR ouR:BIRTHDAYs.
| Monday fair in the face,
Tuesday, full Of grace,
| Wednesday, woeiul and sad, Ae
! Thursday, merry and glad,
Friday, loving and giving,
Saturday, work hard for living,
Sunday, never to want. kt'
The local editor of the Montgomery
Mimi Standard evidently felt that
poor excuse was better than none when
he wrote the following: The editor
has gone counting this week and you
must make due allowance for the trash
in this ISSUE"
The walls of Jewish synagogue at
Prague are so thick with dirt as to be
absolutely black. Local tradition has 1t
that the name of Jehovah is somewhere
inscribed on the wall, and that if it were
to be cleaned the holy name would be
effaced; hence for generation after gen
Grafton, the CRIME has been permitted to
accumulate.
A Puzzle for Phonetickers:
A fast man on fast day took his
horse and went to the end of the fast
land. and there tied him fast. Then he