The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-02-05
you thought it was9-Lynm Semi Week.,

/ IteD0fter.
"A Michigan farmer writes TO tho facul-
| ty of Yale: "What are your terms for a
year2 And does it cost anything extra il
my son wants to learn to read and write
as we'll as row boat3" .s.......
Woman's dress may be superior to
mans, but we don't want no garments
around us that you have to stand up in
to get your hand in the pocket then
not find what you are looking for. g..
! To the intense disgust of the lady Ct
The house, it is noticeable fact that
broken cups and saucers are always given
the place of honor on the tea table =
especially if there be company present.
"Father," said Charley Spilkins, "Mrs.
Jones has two pair of hands, hasn't she?"
"How do you figure that out, Charles2"
asked Leander. "Why, didn't you say
the other day that she was fourLanded'?"
When man going home to dinner,
sees carpet on the line in the back yard
he regards it as q 'cautionary offshore
| signal" and sneaks down town and buys
soda cracker lunch at the corner gro
Gerry. .,''.'.
A railroad brakeman in St. Louis
! dreamed he heard the long whistle, and
nearly twisted his wife's ear off. His
wife said he mi ght reverse her ''switch,"
but she would rather not have her ears
taken for engineers.
! Doctor, ny daughter seems to be going
blind, and she's just getting ready for
her wedding, too! O dear me, what is to
be done2" "Let her 20 right on with the
wedding, madam, by all means. If any
thing can open her eyes, marriage will"
ats all very well,'' said henpecked
husband, when told to "look after the
children, "-''it's all very we'll to tell me
to mind the youngsters; but it would suit
me better if the youngster would mind
me-"
"Phil, my jewel," said Pat, ''I'm mighty
sorry ye can't dine with me te-day.''
"Arrah, and why can't dine with ye?"
said the astonished Phil. "Because nv
dear" returned Pat, 81 haven't asked ye
| as yet"
According to the Elmlra Gazette, ga
woman takes her nightcap, looks in the
glass, and jumps into bed; the old man
looks in the glass, takes his 'nightcap'
| and-generally stays up all night" A
distinction with decided difference.
A physician, finding lady reading
| Twelfth Night, said: "When Shake.
speare wrote about Patience on monu-
ment, did he mean doctors patients?'
''No," she answered; you don't find them
on monuments, but under them"
Mrs. Mackay, wife of the Bonanza
king, has over $25O,000 worth of jewelry,
| and when she gets the toothache she suf-
fers just as much as the woman whose
bracelets and diamonds came from the
n1nety-nine cent store.-Norristoun
Herald.
The Post Office department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
correspondence of his wife. But this de-
clslon will not prevent man from carry
ing his wife's letter around in his inside
coat pocket three weeks before mailing.
I-No1rastoaon Herald.
"It seems to me-" said customer to
| his barber, "that in these hard times you
| ought to lower your prices for shaving.''
Can't do it," replied the barber.
Now. a.days everybody wears such a
long face that we have good deal more
surface to shave over"
A country surgeon, who was bald. was
on visit to a friends house, whose servant
wore wig. After bante1ing him con-
siderable time, the doctor said, ''You see
how bald am, and yet I don't wear a
wig" "True, sir,' replied the servant
but an empty barn requires no thatch."
A man NAV sneer at woman all he
will because she can't sharpen lead
pencil, but she has the smile on him
when he stands holding an occupied sus-
pender button in his hand and wonders
if it will hurt less to pull the needle out
OF his thumb the same way it went in, or
push it on through.
A little girl visiting a neighbor with
her mother was gazing curiously at the
hosts new bonnet, when the owner quer-
led, "Do you like it, Lauras" The inno-
cent replied, "Why, mother said it was
perfect fright, but it don't scare me-"
Laura's mother didn't stay long after
that.-No1rSstoao Herald.
A correspondent wants TO known "What
is the singular of measles?" The spots,
woman, the spots; there's nothing else
singular ABOUT measles that we ever heard
| of. And come to think of it, the spots
are generally plural, too. 1t would be a
poor, feeble measle that couldn't raise
more than one spot-Ha0k Eye.
This is a boys composition on girls :
"Girls are the only folks that has their
own way every time. Girls is of several
thousand kinds, and sometime one girl
can be like several thousand girls if she
wants to do anything. This is all 1 know
about girls, and father says the less
know about them the better off am.
A lazy physician, who had been out
shooting, on coming home complained
that his luck had been very BAD, and
wound up by saying:
II didn't kill anything"
"That's because you didn't stay at
home to attent to your legitimate bust
ness" spitefully retorted his wife.
"Papa, me has been baptize, amt me?"
asked a little year-old. "Yes, dear"
'Then me won't have to be baptize
again2" ''No; but can you remember
anything about being baptizcd2" II
dess can!" "Well, what did the min
lister do to you2" ''He showed up my
/