New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-07-09
WHOLE NUMBER so.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
I'm Greenland the women psint thei1
facn9 hllln and vGllnw

#AA0IcOuANuU tN0 WOlncn p&1ut tu0lE
faces blue and yellow.
Jonah was the first man to 90 fish
in-- Ottat0G Republican.
Numismatists are men of uncom-
mon cents. NcD RdUen Register.
On what sort Of milk does the
eagle scream rise?-Rome Sentinel.
!" Howis that for eye?'' was origin
ally said Of Argus. Neto York World.
Why should yachtsmen be happyl
Because they yacht. Boston 7Tas-
script.
Letters that always keep together
indoors --the two O's. Gowand0 En-
ierprise.
- As the crow ilics''-but what arc
crow lies? Anything like horse fliesf
Eachnnge.
"A word to the tramp-Gre peas
in Florida and mosquitoes in Jersey
N. Y. Cypress.
The flute player stops when he loses
his teeth. The fiddler goes on forever.
IN. 0. fcayst,.c.
There is q bill before the Pennsyl-
vania Legislature which makes it
punishable olfonse to keep Spite dog
in that State.
Lifo is but a span. Marriage Is q
double team, Youth welded to old ago
is a tandem. A cross old bachelor is
single and all sulky.-N. O. RcayMne.
- Don't you think that good like
ness OF mep' says the pretty wife to
her husband. very good, " he answers.
except that there is little too much
repOse about the mouth. -
OF course no woman ever did such
thing, but supposing now, for the
sake OF argument, as it were, that .
woman was to go to church for the pur-
pose Of showing off her new sacque,
would it be sac-religious, so to speakp
boston Traveller.
1t seems to mo your loaves are
not of the same weight" muttered
fault-knding housewife to . baker, %
she poised couple Of loaves from his
basket; "do you suppose you can cheat
me?" Il don't want to cheat you,' -
replied the man of bread, not relishing
such an insinuation; ~ know the
loaves were weighed, every one Of
them. and one weighs just as much
as tother, by gracious! and more too,
dare say, if the truth was known!'
This is the way Louisville teach-
or illustrated the subject: Teacher
"Jimmy, if you were so wicked ~ to
steal your mothers preserves, and she
were to find it out, and were to be ever
so grieved, and ask you to promise not
to do SO any more, wouldn't you feel
very, very sorry, and"-Jimmy-" No,
mp Teacher" You wouldn'tl''
Jimmy-"rd feel powerful glad, I
tell yerW Teacher" Jimmy! James
Storms!'' Jimmy Cause whyp she
didn't wallop like she allus does that's
WHY L0n.sville Courier JOssruGl.
| There is story told Of patriotic
Russian which shows how far. the wor-
ship of the powers that be can go. He
was Boosting in the presence of an En-
glishman of the excellence of the Car.
He proved beyond q doubt that he pos
sessed more gifts and virtues than all
| the other crowned heads of Europe put
together. The Englishman naturally
| rcbelled, and at last said, in tones Of
superb sarcasm: well, my friend,
| you will at least acknowledge that tho
| Gar is not. equal to the Almighty.''
The Russian, unwilling to admit even
that, replied evasively: /" Perhaps not;
but you know the Car is young yet
"A writer on household adornment
says: Zone can easily transform .
long and uninteresting parlor into .
series Of small, artistic rooms, full Of
sentiment. Gather there easy-chairs,
foot-stools, lounges strewn with pill
lows, workstands, writing-tables, jar
dinieres, bits of buhl furniture, screens,
etc. Oh, yes! These trifles cost COM
paratively nothing. And You might
also bring up the wood-horse and saw,
and the washing-machine, and fill In
with two or three rosewood pianos, and
strcw q few coal-sieyes over the floor,
and hang the wash-boiler and several
iron pots on theswalls and you will be
surprised ut the effect. Norvisl0U,s
Herald.
Mr.. -- comes to be the victim of
an accident, and as they are placing
him on stretcher to carry him up-
stairs from the hack. he summons the
servant girl, an honest young peasant,
and tells her, g Hurry upstairs and let
| my wife know about this accident to
me; but don't give her shock put
on cheerful face while you are tell
ing her." The faithful domestic dis.
charges her mission with enthusiasm,
and remarks in husky voice: my
master sent me-he! he! he!-to tell
| you that-ha! ha! ha! ha!-he had
no! no! ho!-he had-(there, I've
burst my stay-laces) -he had-it was
| too funny, and I've laughed till my
sides are sore-he had broken his leg
no! ho!' Rolls over upon the. car
pets in ccstacics of laughter. )-Ffench
Paper.
| Old John Walsh was q banker. and
also a money-lender. He was &C
counted greedy, close-fsted old chap,
yet he possessed sort of grim, rigid
humor, which, in some cases, Wa
really funny. One day dashing,
reckless young man of the period called
upon him. !" Mr.. Walsh" said he, 81
want to borrow five hundred "For
how long?'' 'tSix months" "What
security can you give me?'' The young
fellow drew himself proudly up. "Ay
own personal security, SIR he replied
with a flourish. Old John turned and
opened stout iron chest by his side.
Get in here, sir,'' said he. The young
blade looked first at the chest and then
at Walsh. What forPn said he. "Be.
cause here is where always keep I'll
Of my personal securities. - Aitadel
phiG Egchange.
"A remarkable story is told by the
Captain of the bark Kate Howe, which
arrived yesterday morning from Liver
pool. The Kate Howe was laden In
Charleston during last November with
cotton for Liverpool. Jrst before sail
ing . cat which belonged on board VA
missed, and the vessel started ON IL
voyage, and forty dsys after tie
matches were taken of at Liverpool,
when the cat crawled slowly forth,
1 presenting most woe-begone and
emaciated appearance. Pussy had boan
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