Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-03-28
Hawkeyeterns.

WY Woulun = ~ Oo SOO0 IDEA 20
present General Grant with the freedom
Of one or two American cities?
A peanut boy on the Chicago and
Northwestern Railroad was frozen to
death up in Wisconsin last week. So.
brethren, the long severity of this hard
winter has not been exerted uselessly.
after all.
There is one county in Nebraska
where the district schools are Opt rum
ming twelve months in the year, and
the boys just love- to go 70 school.
There isn't enough timber in the
county to make switch six inches
long.
A small man never signs for greater
bulk of stature and breadth of shout.
ders 80 much as when he goes into o
| crowded railway car, and sees man
that will weigh as much as three Of
him, spread out over four seats, pre-
tending to be asleep.
An Ohio man went ont and hanged
himfelf the other day because Colum-
bus dentist told him that his tooth was
affected with nodular Qualification of
the pulp" He left note to his wife,
saying he didn't want to live ON and
| give it to her and the children.
Gustave Dore is coming to this coun-
try. We must borrow dictionary and
find how he pronounces his name, and
get up something about him. At pres
emit we are really quite ashamed to con-
fess that we don't know whether his
name rhymes with more or glory.
It 10 noticeable fact that the people
in the prairie country of Iowa do more
work than any other people in the
West. This is because there lie nothing
above the top rail of the barbed wire
fence that invites men to sit on it and
talk politics while the grasshoppers
get in the crops.
Sect right out of this" shouted an
irritated merchant to mendacious
clerk, this is the third lie / have
caught you in since ten o'clock this
morning" "Oh, we'll, said the new
man. "don't be too hard on me. Give
fellow time to learn the rules of the
house."
An old married woman on South Hill
who has moved eighteen times during
the past fifteen years, and has put up
eighty-six stoves, has offered a stand
| ing reward of 800 to any man
who will make joint Of six-inch stove
pipe that will fitany other piece Of pipe
the second year.
One of the passengers on the Chica-
go, Burlington and Quincy Railroad
last evening was O man from New
Hampshire, going to Colorado, for his
health. The man weighed one hun
bred and ten pounds, his trunk weighed
eighty-six, and his lunch-basket was
four feet high and weighed one hun
dred and twenty-eight pounds. He was
awful sick.
A young man of North Hill sat down
at the piano, and began singing for the
physicians daughter, "There' q sigh
in the heart" Just then the old gentle
man came in. Young man, I" he said
severely, you are entirely mistaken. 1t
isn't sigh. There may be sigh from
the lungs, but from the heart, never.
You have made an error in diagnosis.
What are the symptoms ?"
"That is switch engine" one Of the
passengers remarked as the Chicago,
Burlington and Quincy train pulled
into the yards. And boy of thirteen
years old rushed to that side Of the
coach and gazed long and earnestly at
the engine, and thoughtful look crept
into his face as he settled back in his
seat and revolved in his mind plan
for throwing that engine into the river
before the next term of school,
Mr.. Halliker, Of South Hill, sent his
boy to the grocery with q quarter to
buy twenty cents worth of cheese, and
the boy came home without the nickel
of change, and smell of gum drops on
his breath. The skate-strap was pro-
duced and explanations demanded.
+" Father" exclaimed the noble boy,
don't whip me. If you don't want
your funds forcibly abstracted, don't
entrust the combination to boy"
"What," the y Dung man asked the
young woman who was waiting for him
to ask for his hat, " what do / put you
in mind OFF" GA French clock, she
said, softly. And pretty soon he arose
and went on his way. The next morn
ing he called upon an eminent hcrolo-
gist and asked him what was the dis
tinguishing trait of q French clock.
The horologist said, why, it never
goes" And the young man was sorely
cast down, and he grieved, and told no
man of his hurt.
Joaquin Miller will lecture this win
ter on "What is Poetry?' Well, here.
Mr. Miller:
A man,
With pan,
Who viii try II he can
Throw the ashes clear over the street,
The harder he tries.
The greater surprise
Is his when he finds he Is beat
There is about as neat sample OF
true poetry as we can find in the shop
this morning. Whenever anything
like that dawns upon your awakening
intellect, Mr.. Miller, embalm it, en-
balm it. Or, perhaps, better stu,
sell it.
The Sioux City and Pacific train
stopped at Onawa yesterday and the
smart man ON the train leaned out OF
La ru0 .