The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-04-02
Jokes and Witicislns.

one Of the agle- bopes f"'--Hauper's Nag.
Jokes and Witicisms.
When d young man is escorting his
girl on one arm and her mamma on the
other it is remarkably how the vigor will
go out of the arm hooked to the mamma |
and go into the arm hooked to the girl. |
This is one of the curious things in ply
siology which our scientists ought to |
iwrestle wlth.-Neaoark Gail.
At midnight, in his downy bed, John |
Turk, of Iowa, was dreaming Of how he
had locked his two daughters in room
upstairs. At the same hour they lowered
themselves to the ground, eloped with
their lovers, end were next heard of in
Chicago with couple Of drummers.
A cats eyes are said to be the largest
at midnight. We never made an exami-
nation, but we are positive that It's voice
is about seventeen times larger at that
hour than at any other period during the
twenty-four. 49,.
young man wrote to an editor asking |
where hell is. The editor replied, Don't
know; was never there. ASK your minis
ter" And he wondered what made the
minister so cool toward him afterwards.
Red is certainly the most exhilarating
OF colors 1t attracts the infants gaze
more surely than any other hue, the small
boy is never so ecstatic as when disport-
ing himself in red-top long boots; no
color is so suggestive of the noise and
tumult Of the battlefield. It is the color
of the confagation. it is the life lood's
color. And the writer is never so pleased
as when his writings are read.
When DR.. Mary Walker was lately
arrested by the police and taken before a
magistrate for wearing pants, it is said
that she became fearfully excited and out
of br. ath, SO that her pants were heard all
over the courtroom.
When you are told tina man spent
several years on the bench, it is we'll
enough to enquire if he was Judge or a
cobbler?
| slave you cologne" asked she. mo,
ma'am," replied the druggist; II have no
scents at all.'' She said he didn't look as
though he had.
A Michigan farmer supplied himself
with six dogs, to keep the place clear of
tramps, and then he found that the dogs
ate as much as ten tramps.
Do you really, truly love me
More than any girl you know?
Well. then, hug nae just a little,
Ii you must before you 70.
Fold your arms around me tighter,
Have you never Rugged before?
Draw me nearer, draw me closer,
Can't you hug me any more? e..
A lady taking tea at small company,
being very fond of hot rolls, was asked to
have another. "Really, I cannot" she
modestly replied. II don't knew how
many have eaten already" IL do
unexpectedly cried a juvenile upstart
whose mother had allowed him a seat at
table. s'You've eaten eight, I've been
countin'l"
/ If there is any time in a mans Lie
when he wishes that he had been born
OF the hairpin-wearing sex, it is that
morning when he avakes IN a strange
hotel and remembers that he has no out
ton hook to fasten his CATERS WITH
iSyreruse Times.
Echo of a variety stage green-room
"That woman tries 70 look down on me
She's made money in the song and dance
biz, and puts on airs. She says I'm nc
| lady: But | am, and don't you forget it
and IT she gives me any more of he,
music I'll give her the grand bounce.''-.
tAouSs05lle Courier Journal.
! When woman combs her back hal,
4 into two ropes, holds one in her mouth
until she winds the other on her back
comb, and then finds that she has lost he,
| last hair-pin, she feels that her sex needs
4 two mouths-one to hold the hair in, and
the other to make remarks with.
Every married man should ioin some
good society, and as good as anv is the
society of his wife and children.-Neu
York News.
| Jerusalem! Another volume of poetry
1 Another miserable, utterly unreliable,
4 pernicious mess of undiluted hog wash
Who in thunder buys such nauseatine
twaddle? Well, lis Got to hav-a q notice:
Here goes: 1--WE have seldom perused
anything so tenderly suggestive, so
ethereally soulful, so highly calculated
to WOO the mind from earthly grovel-
ments as the elegantly bound and hand
somely illustrated volume, which," etc.,
| etc.
When dog snaps at a fly that has
been tooling round i'm for four hours
and misses it. he feels just like a girl
/ who pours the full tide of her affection
over Young man and suddenly discov-
ers that It won tsoak in.--Andre,o's Bnenr.
] A butcher sold sailor aham on credit.
but finding in a few days he had gone
to sea, he growled, If I'D known he
wasn't going to pay for it I'd charged
him threepence more pound for it, the
rascal!'
The man who objects to allowing fifteen
or twenty schoolboys to see who can come
the nearest to his left ear with SNOWFALL
would kick the cat off the family hearth
stone.-Detroit Free Press.
In the near future the customer will
say unto the barkeeper, "Gimme cock
tail with plenty of glucose and citric acid
not too much methyllated spirit" and
having tasted will say, mot quite so
sweet as usually take it-a little more
muriate of tin, please"
| Nobbs can't for the life of him nm
derstand why so many men prefer to en-
brace an opportunity to hugging a pretty
| woman. For our own part we like to ar