The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-11-03

Boston Post: Cats have no fixed political
belief They're usually on the fence.
Rochester Express: "Does culture insure
melancholy?" asks Appleton Jornaul From
experience We can say it does.
Burlington Hawkeye; All that the Ameri-
can Navy needs is some boats 1t has plenty
of water.
Boston Post: A South End woman has lost
her voice, and her husband wouldn't have her
see a mouse for the world.
Wheeling Sunday Leader: The Ute Indi-
ans are mean, treacherous lot; but none Of
them wear their watch chains dangling from
the top outside pocket of their coats.
Galveston News: Shakespeare was married
when he was 1S, Dante at %, and Brigham
Young when he was 1S, 10, 20, 81, %. %, 24
and SO on.
New Orleans Pcayune; The common pic
ture of st. George on horseback trying to ram
stomach bitters down the throat of dragon,
is one full of historical beauty.
Oil City Derrick: Now the aged liar is
happy again. He can sit around in the corner
grocery, white the sugar and salt barrels and
lie about the heavy snowstorms they used to
have early in August when he was boy.
Philadelphia Bulletin: History repeats it.
self, but sometimes with decided variations
Diogenes had tub; S. j. T. had a barrel
One was looking for honest men; the other for
dishonest ones.
Albany Journal: James Gordon Benefits
income from the Herald is said to be $500
per day But for the benefit of those about
embarking in the newspaper business we
would say that they must not expect to make
more than 81, 900 day for the first year.
Norristown Herald: The New York Sun
has new presidential ticket 1t nominates
Rarus and Edwin Forrest Rarus and Edwin
are horses-and this is an improvement ON the
assess the Sun has been nominating for some
weeks.
New Orleans Picayune: A man can never
pass around hat on the sidewalk without
kicking it, yet hat may be passed around in
church aisle, and everybody will feel obliged
to put money in it, and treat it respectfully. 1t
all depends upon the style and location of the
hat.
Burlington Hawkeye; Three or four pretty
god men, pastors of Massachusetts, churches
preferred, are wanted to go down to the Grand
River Divide and talk pleasantly to the Ute
Indians about the pleasures of peace and the
tranquil enjoyments of domestic life. Good
salary and short hours. Hair restoratives for
sale at this office in pints and quarts.
Des Moines Register: Meeting news boy
whose face was SCARED with scratches, and
looked like map of some great railroad GEN.
tire, a Register reporter asked the youugster
what the matter was ''Feler spoke disre-
pectful of my sister; said he'd bet she was
cross-eyed and / sailed in SIS your sister
cross-eyed?" asked the reporter. "Hain't got
no sister," was the reply. "It was the prin-
ciple of the thing what L got licked for.
Washington Republic: Young man, don't
swear. Swearing never was good for a sore
finger 1t never cured the rheumatism nor
helped draw prize in a lottery 1t isn't rec
commended for liver complaint. 1t isn't sure
against lightning, sewing machine agents, nor
any of the ills which beset people through
life There is no occasion for swearing outside
of newspaper office, where it is useful in
proof reading and indispensibly necessary in
getting forms to press. 1t has been known,
also, to materially assist the editor in looking
over the paper after it is printed. But other
wise it is very foolish and wicked habit.