The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1879-04-30


To receive ice cream.
New York Express.
WHERE lager is bliss. it is folly to beer
Weiss,-whitehalI Times.
THE significance of the cigar store Indian is
that tobacco is sold at Lo prices.-Boston
Transcript.
WINTER still fingers in the lap of spring.
Won't somebody please hand spring pin?-
Danbury News.
SCIENCE must take q back seat when 9 cross
eyed woman begins to beat carpet with her
left hsnd.-New York Express.
THERE is a town in Michigan named Kaw-
kawlin. Do the ladies all stutter when they
go out Kswkawlln e-Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
THIS time, according to the Adventist, the
world will end July IL. The ice dealers will
thus lose portion of their crop.-Syracuse
Sunday Times
JOSEPH MEDILL is i'll and has gone to a
country where they know not Joseph.-Free
Press. How was Joseph med i'll? And has he
left Chicago, Ill?-Philadelphia Bulletin.
BETWEEN 400 and 500 Indians near Ashland
have taken the pledge. They got the i,;ea that
the pledge was something about whisky, and
that was enough.-Peck's Sun.
AN exchange contains the marriage notice
of Mr.. and Miss Carr. We notice it merely
an instance of Carr coupling by clergy
man, which is something unusual.-Boston
Transcript.
THE Rome Sentinel asserts that the healthy
Indian is a well red man. If you were to see
him licking molasses out of the bottom of a
Government bucket, you'd think he was a
pail man.-Ottawa Republican.
THE Cincinnati Price Current gives the total
number of hogs packed in the West during
the past winter at 7. 4SC. This does not include
the number that pack themselves around the
table at a childrens picnic.-Gowanda Enter
prise.
a WESTERN paper wants to know "where
the next worlds fair Will be held?" 1 don't
profess to know much about the next world,
but in these diggings Sunday night is the
favorite time for holding this worlds fair
Ellis NJ. Clark.
WHEN in full dress the Zulus wear ring in
the nose and that's all.-Albany Argus. Isn't
that enough to wear in the nose? Perhaps you
want an African gentleman to carry around
whole jewelry store in his proboscis.-New
Haven Register.
A CONTRIBUTOR sends us some funny para
graphs and signs them "Hominy." Why, If
hominy ever got as dry as they are it would
take about two cars of 1t to make quantity
sufficient to cover a fly speck on kitchen ta-
ble.-Wheeling Leader.
WITH a log cabin sun bonnet on her head,
and armed with case knife and towel, the
lady of the house will HE TO the flower beds
and hold sweet communion with bulbs and
plants-but she will make her shoulders ache
"terribly. New Haven Register.
WHAT beautiful quotation the lecturer
used last evening" said Mrs. Skinner. sit was
it was from Shakespeare, believe, and like
this: she never told her love, but let conceal
ment, like a worm in the mud, eat off her
damaged cheek. '"-On City Derrick.
| Now it is said that the poor cuss whose
naked picture appears in the patent medicine
almanacs with the sign ofthe zodiac attack
| ing him at various points was once editor of a
local paper, and neglected to collect subscrip-
lions in advance.-Stillwater Lumberman.
THE new opera called the phantom of the
Sleeping Car" is to be produced soon. 1t is by
| Wagner, and will be in charge of an expert
enced conductor. 1t win be given nightly,
and probably have a long run. Its birth will
be hailed with rail pleasure. Tickets may be
had at all railroad stations.-WhitehalIT Times.
In committing suicide the man about to
die for love Will aim at the heart, where his
/ trouble is. The insane man will shoot at his
head.-New Orleans Picayune. Where the
trouble is Ell? Then the fellow who has just
been kicked out of the house by his darlings
parent, If he wants to make sure thing of 1t,
will have to hire somebody else to suicide
him. Aind't it?-Puck.
THE lonesomest thing we ever saw, by q
large majority. was an old hen that wanted to
set and couldn't set down, but had to do her
setting standing up. The woman who owned
her had tied splinters on her legs, so that she
couldn't bend her knees, and she just stood
around mournfully, sadly, ambitionless, as
| though she were the one thing made In vain.
The willingest thing we know of is a hen that
/ wants to set.-McGregor News.
| An Englishman, "who had seen better
days." was riding in the coach to Leadville, the
/ new mining town In Colorado. "wiII you
| please" said the Englishman, "open that win
dow: want to see the mountain scenery
| An Irlshman, who was snoozing in corner,
looked up on hearing the remark, and OBJ
1 served: "Bedad, you'll see plinty ov 1t a month
from now, when you're comm back on fut."
| Herald p. 1.
A LoUIsvrLLE young woman writes to q
| modest and stupid youth: Eyes, when you
| asked me IL 1 would marry you-oh ought
| not to have done 1t, suppose-but then 1t was
| such an opportunity, aud so I smiled the cue
to you and answered, never And you,
stupid, you froze and bowed like a telegraph
| pole and left. Oh dear me, and certainly
thought that at this day there was nobody
under the sun who was 50 unpardonably OBJ
fuse, so far behind the age and the rage, that
he would not have instantly met me with,
/ what, never?' and given me the chance TO re-
ply, well, hardly ever Exchange.