davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
Nartety.
WIT AND HUMOR.

A full hand-Hlred man on drunk.
1t makes envy sore to see intellect soar.
Striped stockings cover multitude Of shins.
A thorn in the bush 10 worth dozen in the
hand.
A schooner Of beer rarely. .'ever gets stuck on
the bar.
Ittakes sharp man to, cut aswell. out of his
best girl.
It's game of bluff when you try to scale
precipice.
Only merchants Of adventure can sell goods in
dull times.
The Mechanics Fair-the wives and daughters
Of our citizens.
A man who owes more than he :can pay Is ma.
turally more'Ose.
One Goldfish yields 100000 eggs. Thissis what
keeps up the ariStocracy
People returning from the French capital have
g "pizen" look-sOrt of Paris grin.
The force Of habit made Scranton barber ask,
while shaving corpse, Does the razor hurt2"
Women measure their dresses by the finger, and
this is also the way men measure their drinks
Isn't the fulsOme praise lavished upon some Of
the female operate singers an overdose OF laud.
In 'em,
1t is said that putting your arm around pretty
girl is carrying out the injunction to make waist
places glad"
Dr. Holmes says that weeping widows marry
first. There Is nothing like wet weather for
transplanting.
The following is advice TO young men: Never
ask young lady why her back hair doesn't match
that in 'front.'"
Young swell: II should like to have my mus
tache dyed" Polite barber: Certainly, did you
briug 1t with your
Mistakes are often made In cutting off a dogs
tail-in most cases the cutting should be done just
behind the animals ears.
Jam the jsmmed stovepipe to jamnation, ia
waited on the gentle breezes from many weary
hearted man in this vicinity.
baby at recent exhibition only weighed a
pound and half, The Worcester Press says its
mother spanked 1t with tack hammer.
man can't be talked TO death in Georgia on
Sunday. They have a law obliging the barber
shops to suspend business on the Lords day.
Serenadpr: Home, sweet home, dab am no
place like home" Colored lady at the window :
"Welt you jes better get along home, or I'll fro
somehn."
The next invention Edison Is to attempt Is a
machine that will keep woman eyes closed
during prayer time In church when friend in
the pew in front has ON new frock.
dreamy writer says 1t would be curious to fol.
low pound OF silk from its spinning until it be.
comes lady's dress. No doubt; but most men
prefer TO follow 1t after 1t becomes dress.
Friend to scientific authority: doctor, how Il
a man to tell a mushroom from toad stool 2'
Scientific authority; "By eating 1t. II you live
1t isa mushroom II you die 1t is toadstool."
When you send paper to young lady cut q
small item out no matter what This insures the
Office sale ofanother paper She has got to sec
what 1t was II 1t takes week to find out.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
gnetrn.
MY PASTOR.
BY DR. HOLLAND.

Thus have brought my pastor TO your view;
Now let me tell you what he did not do,
his sanity record he did not besmirch
BY seeking calls aud flirting with church.
He never got his name In public print,
Yoked with statement, or quiet hint,
That he was greatly wanted with his gown,
To grace the pulpit in another town.
And thus to break dozen peoples rest
And nnd himself enjoyed with fresher sest
or all the trlfers that the world have cursed,
Surely, the cleric triher Ia the worst
The man who plays with calls as cats with mice.
Or CANDLES with them as with loaded dice,
Using peoples love and confidence
To push himself and plot for power and pence,
There are some ministers, grieve TO say
he was not one Of them-who have a way
of bringing out their nice, ornamental faces
On great occasions and In public places
AS fine garnlsh for the oaves and fishes
That furnish forth our intellectual dishes.
All the broad platforms within fifty miles
Have borne their forms and bossOmed with thell
smiles.
There was another thing he did not do
This best OF ministers I've shown to YOU
He did not drop his pride of manhood down.
TIL he could curry favor with a clown
Or take beneiactlOn, nothing 10th,
From sneering wOrldllngs who dispised his cloth.
He did not claim for groceries or rent
A discount clerical of ten per cent.
He did not run his neckcoth for a fare
On railroads. as he travelled here and there,
TIL keen directors, with business eye,
Came to regard It as II railroad tie.
He did not claim, or privilege or pelk,
Through honor to his Office for himself;
But from his stalwsrt youth 10 falling age
He did his honest work for honest wage
And held the pauper spirit under ban,
And paid his bills like any other man.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
A DOLLARS WORTH OF MISERY.

good joke is told at the expense Of one Of the
female boarders at a popular summer hotel at
Watch Hill. chambermaid being the perpetra'
tor. 1t seems that some Of the beds in the house
are much inferior to others. and lady who occu.
pied one Of the good ones desired to secure anoth
er Of them for Philadelphia friend who was
coming to the house. 30 she requested the cham.
bermaid to see that a room containing such one
was reserved. The girl soon reported that none
could be procured, wbereat the lady gave her
dollar with instructions to shit some one else's
good bed, replace it by poorer one, and give the
good one to her friend. The girl promised to car
ry out this plot, and the result was that the Phila
delphia lady that night slept on good bed but
the lady who bribed the chambermaid was some.
what sstounded to fnd in her room, upon retir.
ing for the night, the inferir bed substituted
for her own.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
VICTIM OF A CONSPIRACY.

Huntington, Ind, October 2l.-During
the month Of April last Bailey Kelley,
prominent business man of this city, was
accused by B. F, Gardiner with being
criminslly intimate with his wife. The
latter made dire threats against the de.
stroyer Of his domestic peace, until Kel-
ley, under duress, decided to Gardiner a
house and lot worth 5. 700 and gave
notes for the same amount. Repenting
afterward, he brought suit to recover the
property, and in the Circuit Court yss-
terday recovered the amount and clear.
ly proved that he was made the victim
of q conspiracy.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
IN THE ART GALLERY.

1t was lady with a check shawl, a reticule and
tquint who hounced out of the art rooms on
yesterday afternoon with remark that It's an
outrage that them there fggers amt got no clos
on
Her husband, a stoop shouldered man with
low.crowned, widerimmed soft hat, rumpled
necktie, long coat, short pants" and a beard un'
der bis chin demonstrated.
Don't make foolayerself right afore folks"
said he.
But the dame was angered.
"Its sin an shame" she persisted, and her
off eye twi ched further out of true In the excess
OF her indignation. "It's an insult to every wo.
man that comes here, an what they've got on is
wuss'n though they didn't have nolhin'."
"Will ye keep still p mildly pleaded the old
man.
NO won't" said She "Au' the sooner you
take me out O. this sodom an GomOrrer the better
for both on us guess Chicago Times,
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
BOYS OR GIRLS.

A lady who has had much experience In teach.
ing both boys and girls, speaking Of the extraol-
dinsry obtuseness Of certain pupil said:
In philosophy class, this young lady Of fifteen
Inquired with langutd surprise, rs there not
straight passage through the head from one ear to
the Other2"
"Asomewhat natural conclusion" the teacher
commented dryly, 1T she had ever watched the
process Of her own mind
Which would you prefer teaching" asked q
visitor "bOys or giTls7"
"Boys, infinitely" was the prompt reply mo
boy, for instance, would ever have asked such q
question as that. He would long before have In L.
vestigated the subject with lead pencil. Not
probably In hia own ears" she added medttatlve-
ly, but his younger brothers."
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
A NEW KIND OF WATCH CASE

New because 1t is only within the last few years
that II has been improved and brought within the
reach of every one: old In principle because the first
invention was made and the first patent taken out
nearly twenty years ago, and cases made at that
time and worn ever since, are nearly as good
Read the following which is only one case of many
hundreds, your JeweIer can tell OF similar ones.
MANsFIELDA PA, May 18th, 1873
have customer who has carried one of Boss
Patent Cases fifteen years and knew It two years
before he got IT, and now appears good for ten years
longer. X. f. oLNEY Jeweer
Remember Jas. Boss is the only Patent Case made
of two plates of solid gold lone outside aud one in
sde) covering every part exposed TO wear or sight
the great advantage of these solid plates over eec,
troglldng apparent to everyone. Boss is the on
ly patent case with which there Is given q written
warrent, OF which the following IL fac sinlle
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
CARDS.

These amusing playthlngs in spite Of traditions
TO the contrary, have been in use from time i'm
memorial The suits, from the very first, have al
ways been four in number.
In Italian cards they have usual been called
coppe danari, bastone aud spade; that is, &C ,rn-
cups, coins, clubs or Datons and swords Hearts
and diamonds afterward superseded acorn cups
and coins. In Spanish they are copa, oro baston
and espada, the ORC, gold, corresponding to da.
mari.
The French, SO early as the middle Of the flf
teenth century had ceurs, carrirux, treaes. pques
pretty much as at the present. and these desigsa-
tions with the requisite translatiOns in languages
gradually spread from one country to another;
but Germany long retained harts, bells, leaves
aud acOrns
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

The Treasury at Washington is bur-
dened with about 900 tons of daddy dbl
lars, or nearly $SlOOOOOO. - Warp
Chronicle.
The people of this country are bui
ed by about 50 100000 600 of intel
bearing debt. Now, why not relieve tie
Treasury at Washington of the daddy
dollars by paying them upon this debt,
and thus to that extent relieve the bur-
dens of the peopleP Of what use is,
5000 100000 or $SOOOO 600 lying idle in 7
the Treasury vaults, while the Govern
ment is paying interest on that amount
of bonds 2-RdUennG Dem. Press. '...
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
THE WAITER CAUGHT HIM.

When they serve you brandy in Paris 1t is
brought in little carade marked off on the sides
so as to sthow exactly how many glasses are tax.
en- out, When you come to pay, the garcon has
only to look at The carafe, and the amout remain.
ing tells how much has been used. This gave an
ingenious gentleman an idea, He would drink
three petls Verres and then pour in water SO that
1t would appear he had but one. He thought no.
body observed the mean trick.
After two or three days this custom or found the
brandy very feeble, anu he called the garcon.
"Garcon," said he, what is the matter with this
brandyT'
"It is the same, sir"
THAT cannot be. Day before yesterday 1t was
delicious, to-day 1t is hardly stronger than va.
ter"
Il have the honor to inform Monsieur that II is
not only the same brandy but have carefully
given Monsieur every day the same bottle"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
LeqQL Notice.

FILA Hahn. who resides iu sprngport. in the State
Of Mlchigan and Eliza Frlsbe, who resides In Crys-
tai Lake in the same state are hereby notified that
RudOlphus Martin and EPhralm Srelner; partners,
tober' d 1879 filed their petition in the Court Of
Common Pleas Of stark county, Ohio, against them
c0nty, Ohio deceased alleging that en- the 10th day
Of Juiy 1885, they recovered Judgment against said
Jacob Smith then In full life, before one Fred j.. s.
Of esd county for 4 debt and u 90 costs. That on
the IIth day OF December 1870 they filed transcript
Of said Judgment in the Clerks ofce OF the Court OF
Common pleas Of said county. and caused the same
10 be docketed in the execution docket Of said Court
That said juogInent has become dormant
The prayer Of said petition Is lnat the SAID judg-
presentatives of said Jacob Smith. decaaaed,
Said William Haines Ellis Hahn and Eliza Erisbe,
are required 10 appear and answer said petition on
or before the 18th day OF December. A. D. 1879
JOHN LAHM,
oct23-lw Atty for Plaintiff
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
HOW HE KEN'D WEEL.

Doctor Thomson taking ouce for his text Look
not upon the wine when 1t is red in the cup" en-.
larged upon the evil effect of drinking, upon the
head heart aud purse. As the congregation de.
parted two old crOnies, given to taking more than
"wee drap," talked over the sermon.
"Did you hear yon, Johnnie7" quoth one.
Did hearth Wha dinna hear'tH neer
Winked on e'e."
"A weel, an what thocht ye o'tP'
"Adeed, Davie, I think he has been lad in his
day, or he couldr ha' ken'd sac weel aboOt It !;
he's been sly hand, the miuisterp
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
HOW THEY WERE GOING TO GET IN

Your folks goin' to the State Fair, JlmR' In
quired newSbOy as he greeted PostOfhce boot
black, yesterday, with a slap on the back,
Not unless things change" was the solemn re.
ply.
"Be they all siekf'
"lfs all mixed up" replied the black, as he sur
Veyed the iagstones for cigar stub. dad was
going to cheek it in but he's got big boil on his
chin, and he can't play off that he's Congress.
man from Ohio, as he meant to. The old lady
was going In with family on pass as their old
est daughter, but she broke her false teeth, and
would pass for one hundred years old. Sister sarah
YVES going with her beau, but he can't get away
from the butcher shop"
"Well, amt you going2" 'n
II was going, 1 had a hole dug under the fence
and everything all fixed, but when went up
there this morning, I'll be hanged If they hadn't
fastened drove OF mules to the inside Of the holel
I guess our family will wait for Fourth Of July
Detroit Free Pres.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
OLD MNinal

A sensible writer exbi sses his ON, N.
ion Of old maids in the following r.
ner: Ian inclined tothink thsl Is
Of the satirical aspersiohs cast upos
maids tell more to their credit
generally imagined. Is young i
remarkably neat in her I'd 0
will certainly be an old md 5
perfectly reserved toward th
She has all the squeamishns
maid Is she frugal in her m
and exact in her domestic M
She is cut out for an old 1
is kindly humane to the anim
her, nothing can save her from
peIIation of an old,maid. In tA6fts
have always found that neatnes odep
ty, economy, and humanity are SaBs
er'fdiling characteristics of that s2.
creature-the old maid.
1t is no doubt terrible thing ID Itn
old maid, but 80 long as men drink
chew tobacco, smoke cigars, and act
beasts and fools, it is not the worst thing
that can happen to decent woman. In
deed, we should not have to hunt very
far to find plenty of women who are not
old maids, but who would give all their
boots and shoes il they were; and who in
bitterness and sorrow lament the day
they suffered yoke to be placed upon
their neCks, which is grievous and hard
to be borne. Marriage is honorable in
all, but if it is honorable it should be
honored; and those who make it bur-
den, and curse and calamity, need not
wonder that intelligent and Considsrate
women fear to take the risks it involves.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
'sNOw YOU'RE TALKING SENSE"

we often imagine The high are FREQ lendy low
in many things, and the low have purity some
times that would put the high to shame. We are
all folks, and ought to do good and be content.
Dickens says: "In this round world Of many cir.
cles within circles do we make weary journey
from the high grade to the low, to 6ud at last
that they be close together, and that the two ex-
tremes touch, and that our journeys end is but
our starting place. Quincy Modern Argd.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
GOOD PLACE TO STOP.

This is my birthday have reached a comfor.
table, responsible, satisfactory age, aud am 60
ing to stick to 1t. shall stand still at thirty ave
1t is the pleasaDtest age in the world. am young
enough to snerr at the old iogies, and am old
enough to indulge in retrospect and wall about
the good old times I am young enough to 90 to
picniCs Then when get to the picnic can
plead old age as the excuse for not climbing the
tree to fix the swing. am young enough to have
more to learn than will ever remember, and am
old enough to known a laundering sight more
than do
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
oct2sIw
Legal Notice.

Marshall d. Motherspaugh whose place OF resl.
dence Is unknown, Is hereby notified that Jane a
did on the z2nd day Of September, A. d. 1870 e her
petition In the office Of the clerk OF the Court ol
shall D. Motherapaugh with adultery with one Olive
Jack on or about October lst 1875 and at divers 9TH
absence from the said Jane MotheTspaugh and gross
neglect Of duty for more than three years. and ask
Ing that she may be divorced from the said Marshall
and be awarded the custody Of Frank Motherspaugh,
which petition will stand for hearing at the next
term OF said court. "
Dated Canton, Sept %, lS7prsep5lw
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

Two grammArians we're wrangling the other day
one contending that II was only proper to say,
"My wages is high" while the other noialy inSiS'
ted that the correct thing was, my wages are
high" Finally they stopped day laborsr and
the question tn him.
(which do you say, Your wages Is high or
Your wages are high2'"
"oh, Of Wid yer nonsense" he said, Eesumins
his pick Eyer naythur OV ye right me wages IA
low bad luck to IT,"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

'Tis midnight-on the garden wall,
"see that dark object what is thatr
But when they heard Aendish yawl,
They knew at once 1t was the cat.
When disappears the yellow cream
From off the milk within the vat,
You hear an angry woman scream,
1T was the cat 1t was the cstI"
When Romeo in his bare head,
Gave Juliet "taffy" and all that
He thought he heard the old mans tread,
But Juliet said 1t was the cat
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
THE BEST DIAMOND OUT.

"Je-usher," exclaimed her true love-it was in
BridgetoWn, Connecticut "Jerush, what'n you
take for that gold ring OF yournP"
well. don't know, jeremiah" said she; you
know it's 1Sk."
Just let me have IT, pleaded Jerry, and I'll
send ye diamond for It tomorrow. As good .
one as there Is anywhere"
Honest Iujun, Jeremiahi"
mo mistake"
he captured the ring, and Just before he started
for Texas next morning he sent her Jack Of dia.
monds bearing this inscription "This Ia the best
diamond out" Amen.--N O. Tines.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

MAMA MONTH guaranteed. el2 q day at
WEIBVHN nome made by the industrious. Capi-
VKHIn tai not required: we will start you.
IN A,1hIl Men, women. boys 0nd girls make
WnAA money Aster at work for US than at any
WV thing else The work 6 light and plea
SAINT. aud such q anyone can go right
at Those who are wise who see this notice will send
Us their addressed at once and see for themselves.
Costly Outfit and terms nee Now e the time. Those
already OF work are laying up large gums Of money,
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
WINTER BUTTER.

Let q farmer divi 9 his white winter butter into
two lots, while yet in the torm OF cream, and for
one make use Of Perfected Butter Color made by
Wells, Richardson q Co., Burlington, w., while
the other goes 10 market without color and he
will discover on what course his interest depends.
This color gives the Hne rich, golden yellow Of
first quality June butter, and Is not tinged with
the dull red tint objected to 10 most butter colOrs
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
"HUMAN MATURE

Small girl, very hArShly, TO doll in toy car
riage, dolly having tumbled from the seat ''sit
right up, you hOrrld old thing Don't you dare
to do that again, or I'll whipyou" Seeing a pass.
or, who had approached unobserved, she modified
her voice and continued In dulcet tones: "NoW,
sit up straight and be careful not to fall again and
hurt yourself. ."-LOtueR MdI
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
PILEsl PILEsI PILES

Do you know what It ls to suffer with PIlesS II
you do you know what Is one Of the worst tor.
men;s Of the human frame. The most perfect
cure ever known is Kidney Wort. II cnres con.
Stpaion, and then It's tonic action ressorea health
to the dISeased bowels, and prevents recurrence
Of the diSsaS0. Try Il without delay.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

little Chambersburger was called upon In
Sabbath School to say text from the scriptures.
When her time came she had forgotten her verse;
but from her general knowledge Of Holy Writ she
solemnly quoted, Little children should be seen
h,,t mi haa Fd ~
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

We don't know that any mao ever owned an
umbrella for two years. That ia, the same one
II there Is any such man in this country,we should
be pleased to receive his address, not necessarily
for publication, but merely as guarantee Of good
faith. We think he would be a curiosity, and
would, furthermore, be quite an acquisition to
some travelling show, Besides, we should like to
borrow his umbrella.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

The Rev. Miss Oliver says that every time
young man spends Eve cents for glass Of beer he
takes seven bricks from the pile Of snug little
home. Now we know why young men who In
dulge IN beer carry bricks In their hats"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

One Of those Sunday school teachers who are al
ways desIrouS Of drawing out the ideas OF child
rem, asked her class what they supposed Daniel
said when he was placed in the lions den. One
ofher scholars who has practical turn OF mind,
answered, Good byl I'm gonerP
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

APhIladelphia philsnthropiSt broughta Chinese
washerman to Sunday school and gave him
Bible. Meeting him during the "hot wave," no
asked him how he liked the weather. The reply
from the new Sunday school scholar was not very
encouraging: Every dayee alice samee; hot
an kaI
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

"rm ruta baga, and here's where plant my
self" said tramp as he entered 'arm house and
seated himself at the table. I'VE alters bile ours"
said the farmers wife, and souSed him with q
dish pan Of boiling water.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30
Spltl1I NslLtts.
A GARD.

To all who are suffering from the errors and Inds-
cretions Of youth, nervous weakness, early decay,
loss Of manhood &C.. will send 4 recipe that will
cure you, FREE OF CHARGE. This great remedy
was discovered by missionary In South America.
Send sef-addressed envelope TO the REV. JosEPH
t. INMAN Station ID, NeU York 0Itv. jAn2Sgy
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

A ,choolmaster was soundly rating one OF his
scholars about his low position In the class, when
the urchln shut him up by rsmarkinG: well,
never mind, suppose am about a. much to
blame 40 you are.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-10-30

"Blll Jones" said a bullying urchin to another
lad, the next time catch you alone I'll hos you
like anything" "Well,' replied BILL u amt
often much alone; commonly have my legs and
fkts with me-"