Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-11-14

Will run and climb into mammals lap,
And cuddle right down for forty winks' nap,
He may see the land himself.
F. u n
~-----~-~-o---~7---
SOME NATURAL HIsTORY-THE EDI-
ToR.-"What ferocious locking animal is
that?'
''That is the editor"
Indeed Are they very dangerous?"
s.Sometimes. When cornered up they
have been known to be quite combative.
and again they have been known to go
through a convent ent back window.
Generally they are mild and passive
s.When are they most dangerous?"
when intruded upon by book-agent
who wants a forty-line local for seventy
five cent book, or by a poet with verses
about gentle spring.
ssAre editors cross to each other?''
'sOnly when separated by several blocks
of buildings"
.sDo they often have fearful combats
with each other?"
Occasionally when they 60 out in op-
posite directions, and come upon each
other by accident
'sA1e editors ever cow-hlded?"
sometimes the small ones are, but the
big ones are very rarely molested.''
"Do editors eatl" A9
'sThey do. It was formerly supposed
that they ate at long intervals and upon
rare occasions. but it is now well au-
thenticated fact that they can eat a great
deal when they can get it,"
.sWhat kind of food do they like most?"
''They are not very particular. While
they won't refuse quail on toast, fried
crab or roast turkey about Christmas
time, they have been known to make
hearty repast off a dish of cold turnips and
consumptive herring. 5a34
scan they eat concert tickets?"
1--WE believe not. Some people have
gained this continuous impression from
false teachings in early life, butno authen-
ticated instance of such a thing is on re-
cord.:' ef5!- ff
ssDo editors go free into shows?"
ssThey do when they give dollar-and-a-
half locals for twenty-five cent ticket
'sAre all editors bald, like this one?'
ssNo, only the married ones are bald.
But let us pass on, the editor does not like
to be stared at"
A MINNESOTA LIAR.-''Let's see, they
raise Some wheat in Minnesota, don't
they?" asked a Schoharic granger of
Michigander.
ssRaise wheat! Who raises wheat? No,
sir; decidedly no, sir. 1t, raises itself.
Why, if we undertook to cultivate wheat
IN that State it would run us out. There
wouldn't be any place to put our house."
''But I've been told that grasshoppers
take a good deal Of it,"
ssOf course they do. If they didn't /
don't know what we would do. The Gus
sed stuff would run all over the State and
drive us out-chok US up. Those grass
hoppers are Godsend, only there amt
half enough of 'em.'
us that wheat nice and plump? '
.'Plump! Why, I don't know what you
call plump wheat but there are II in our
family, including 10 servants, and when
we want bread we just 60 out and fetch in
a kernel of wheat and bake it,"
do you ever soak it in water frst?"
"Oh, no; that wouldn't do. 1t would
swell a little and then we couldn't get it
in our range oven." t .es.f..
An indianapolis barber, who abandoned
his business and went into the ministry,
was suddenly called upon one Sunday to
baptize three candidates. He got along
very well, but after baptizing the first, he
astonished his congregation by Justify
shouting 'sNext!"r -e,...4l s,4l fs@
A bright little three-year-old, while her
mother was trying to get her to sleep, be-
came interested in some outside noise.
She was told it was caused by cricket.
when she sagely observed, Mamma l
think he ought to be Oiled"
A strolling theatrical company was at
the dinner table. A waiter approached
one of the members, and said:
s'Soup?" lLag.1Nys HHI ~
mo, SIR said the person addressed: 81
am only one of the musicians."s u i
Pious old lady-Just think, Rose, only
five missionaries TO twenty Thousand can
nibalsi sa
Kind-hearted niece Goodness! the poor
cannibals will starve to death at that
rate. ggxT ai8tfe
He was Disguised boy. He had exer-
cised great caution, and had finally sue
ceeded in crawling under the canvas into
the tent. Aud he found it was not cir
Gus, but revival meeting in progress.
The man who SHORES and knows that he
snores, and yet who won't put clothes
pin on his nose on going to bed, has the
blood of an army contractor in his veins.
Little Johnny says: 'sTalk about your
patent base burning stove; my mas old
slipper is hot enough base burner for
me.'' ~ q issee4
It is now fifteen years since the war
closed, but it is very remarkable how a
hand organ can keep MANNED soldiers look
ing so young. L
..t So.