The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-10-18

Mrs. Smith, Of New York, according to the
HcrGd, stole washtub 10 keep her family from
starving. 4 family that can dine satisfactorily
off a washtub must be reduced to the very loves,
extremity.
Always make it a rule never to say anything
before mans face that you wouldn't dare say
behind his back whitehall TinNs.
The Rochester E1press tells of a person who
was born, married and buried on the same
day" We never heard Of any person being mar
RED as young as that-Graphic.
The New Orleans Pcayine wants TO know il
babies suffer when they cry. Good lands, mo-
Their object is simply to make some one else
suffer.
Several young graduates have dropped into
the New York Tribune Office lately to inquire:
Have you all the Macaulavs you want on the
localH'-Ci,ciHnGti Commercial.
Many woman dusts billiard chalk of her hus.
bands coat, and big tear stands in her eye az
she thinks how late he works nights at his desk
by the whitewashcd wall.
Il is said that case Of hydrophoba can be
cured if the patient will exert his will-power, bu,
il is far better for one to exert his leg power
when he sees mad dog coming
Detroit is said to be infested with female Snug
glers, who are noted for the great hustle they
makearound there
Ben Butler was soldier bold
And used to wars alarms;
But a cannon ball shot of his hair
Aud swept away his charms.
And az they bore him of the field
Said he: "Lct Others shoot,
For shall vet be Governor
OF ancient Massachutt"
" Y Commercial AIR.
Massachusetts invitation to drink: "Wcll,
suppose We 90 in aud hold Butler convention"
Talmage admits that he did not write the first
chapter OF Genesis We ned never thought that
chapter was exactly in his line; it is peculiarly
devoid OF exclamation roints.-EE
Court is now in session, and the boys who have
not gone 10 see their uncles are lodging behind
corn shocks, for
The grand jury came down like wolf on the
fold,
And subpGnaed all the boys in out Of the cold
The foreman he asked. ooh, do YOU remember
To have bought any whisky from July all told
IN the fourteenth or 3Oth day Of September%
They lifted their voices in accents tender,
And shouted in CHORUS, I'VE can (hic) not re.
member
The Committee on Atmospheric Influences of
the Lime Kiln Club announced that thew were
ready with report and leave being granted the
Chairman submitted well constructed report re
gardng the coming winter. The committee had
been guided entirely by signs, and their reasons
for predicting hard winter were:
]. The thickness Of the corn .husks
:. Inc unusual number Of overcoats in pawn
. Inc anxiety OF women TO get winter bonpets
4. Inc way The frogs have gone down for deer
water. f
8. The hesitancy with which Young men c,,m,
out Of bed in the morning. N''''''
o. The unusual number Of dog. tights To he oh
served BY colored man who keeps his eve,
open. w
The report was accepted and fled and IN,
chairman sat down with sigh Of relief.
THE MOUNTAIN AND THE SQUIRREL.
The mountain and the squirrel
Had a quar- ell,
and the former called the latter Little Prir.
Bun replied, u.s.
You are doubtless very big;
But all sorts OF things and weather
Must be taken in together
To make year,
And q sphere.
] think IL no disgrace
To occupy my place.
II Pm not 80 large as you,
You're not SO small as ],
And not half so spry.
III not deny you make
A very pretty squirrel track.
Talents differ; all 10 well and wisely put:
III cannot carry forests on my back,
Neither can you crack nut.
r. ". Em4,on.