, 1879-05-31
elerklp Statesman.
S.vI-pnsy MAY 81, 1879.
!,.,sEei:iCs.

.;:tSE.!sics.
Judge 10 nan tillyou have stood III LIZ
place.
Never make yourself tic hero Of your
own story.
An auctioneer is man of morbid
tastes -PucL-
The weather has been a little tough on
spring chickens, and they show It,
The n;mblc-foytcd mule is used as tie
lirht fantastic toH for canal boat.
The trsmps are fleeing Texas, having
cot the idea that bill to put them TO
work had I,ass,d the state Legislature
A pale, worn, gIaylraiTcd woman, III ::
white mob-cap and white cashmere shawl
that is the Jenny Lind Of these days
described.
1t is said that there are lG0, 600 wonen
in New York City who support hem
selves II world b. interesting 10 know
how many support thai: husbands.
If Mr.. Edison ever rerfects his electric
light, some men viii never mss TIE Gas
burner until they discover there Is no
place lii the house to hang their hats.
"And on her lovers arm she leant
And round her waist she felt 1t Ioii,
And down the dusty street they went
Where soda and ice-cream are sold.
General Joe Johnston Is to be chef
marshall on the occasion OF the dedication
Of a monunen: to Virginia soldiers IL
Winchester, Ill that state, on the 9Th OF
June.
"Twenty years ago" said a colored
philosopher, ''niggcrs Was wuf Thousand
dollars apiece Now dey would be deah
at two dollars Il dozen It's 'st1nishm
how de race am runnin' down.
The late Bishop Ames once said that he
could stand the cry OF Il baby while he
was preaching, but that the humping Of
the mothers heel, and the buzz saw
"H Hs-s-s-h" nearly drove HIM crazy.
The present plan adopted by churches
Of making contributions 10y envelopes
enables man to drop two old-fashioned
cartwheel copper cents into the basket
with as much style and flourish as ii they
were trade dollars at par.
Mr. Froude has perretrated an amazing
blunder III his new book Oh julius Cesar,
whom he represents as returning from
one of his campaigns with the hight OF
twenty Victories blazing ronnd his bayo-
nets
"George Eliot, has lately fallen into a
state of such indifferent health, that she
is unfit for much intellectual labor, and
her medical advisers are dubious as to the
propriety Of her resuming the writing Of
fiction for several years.
"Now that this thing has commenced" ="
remarked Chicago resident at his break
fast, I'm bet that before it stops forty
emotional women will shoot men i'll this
city" ''Yes, replied his wife, locking
sharply at him, ''and then not half the
men will be shot that ought to be.
The principal thing we have to rejoice
over on the Fourth of July is the encour-
aging fact that the day doesn't come
oftener than once IA year. We always
cherish the memory OF our forefathers
with deeper affection when We think of
this. We entertained ali entirely different
opinion Nicn We were i bGN-
Queen Victoria spends one day in every
week in writing letters. She gets from
fifty To 4 hundred tcie.;r;.lls IL day, many
of which require answering; and she
carefully inspects all the private bills Of
her extensive establishment. She would
no sooner trust Il servant or tradcsman OF
overseer, than one of her owa children
General Grant departure from Luck
now WAS exceedingly stately \ long line
of big elephants were stationed along the
railway track near the station, battery
fired off a royal salute, military guard
was drawn up facing the station, and a
band played one of cur National airs,
while the British otiiceis and civilians
stood with uncovered heads.
Twenty-Five women in San Francisco
daily hold themselves i'll readiness to sup
ply the demand for temporary teachers.
They s" to the ofiict Of the school board
Ill the morning, whence they are sent to
houses needing teachers for the day.
Their compensation is from thr,e to four
dollars day when teaching, and 81 30
for the day when there is no call for
them.
''les, sad Davie," ! knew a man once,
Jake Mason, who went TO Donation
where SIX farmers were to contribute a
jug of milk apiece. Wen, one mana
very mean man-thought it would not
make any difference if he contributed wa
ter IN place of milk; so he filled up Jug
with water and took it t. the donation
When he got there he turned it over the
buns, and 1t ran into a barrel where ali
the other farmers had poured their milk
Now, what do you think was the result
Why. every one OF the six farmers hap
pened to be as mean as Jake Mason.
They all brought rater.