Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-06-26

A man may be as pure as virgin
snowflake, and as mild as a May morn.
ing, but he will get wild just the same
when his office toy dips the mucilage
brush in the inkstand.
! As soon as the merry wren
In the tree doth gaily flute,
With wicked eye the little boy
l-----. ClIm bs up 10 get the fruit
| Of the wren aforesaid.
| When man is sitting on a sofa on a
line evening with pretty girl and the
conversation is beginning to get decid-
eddy interesting to botn, it is terrible to
them to have nail work out of the
plaster and let chrome of Washing
ton crossing the Delaware down on
their heads.
A woman who can write letter with
out two-thirds of her tongue protruding
through her mouth, is fitted for better
sphere than this.
Tramps would be more numerous
than ever were it not for the self-sacri-
hclng women Of the land who marry
and support SO many men. -....-
We should like to kiss the sweet little
creature who said that fire flies We're
made by God to "yite re little froegies
to bed" If she is seventeen years old
bring her around all the same.
The young man who works hard
saves his money, and gets his hair
shaved short, is preparing for marriage.
Claude De Haven is now manager of
the "double-headed girl" This position
Is no sinecure. A one-headed girl is
more than some men can manage.
''Well, you'll own she's got pretty
foot, won't your" eyes, III grant you
that, but then in never made half as
much OF an impression on me as the
old mans.
Uncle Jumbo was caught with a
stolen chicken hid in his hat, and when
asked how it came there he replied
'Fore de Lord, boss, dat fowl must a
crawled up my breeches leg"
No comedian can make as laughshle
face as that made by the small boy.
when he brings Jelly jar down from
the closet shelf and discovers it to be
full Of ten penny nails.
There's a good deal of human nature
about strawberries. The big fellows
naturally tram pie on the little ones, and
as consequence are always seen at the
top of the box.
| A man with pair of creaky boots
always has music in his sole, and he
generally executes a solo just at the
very moment when the rest of the con-
gregation have settled down to a quiet
nap.
"Ma, lend me a pencil, [ want to
draw some ladies'" "Draw some ladies!
Why, Johnny this is Sunday" "Well,
| III draw them in their Sunday clothes"
Proposition declined with spanks.
A waiter was told by countryman
to "bring something of what he had"
The waiter brought him q regular din
ner upon small dishes, as the usual
form, and set them around his plate.
The countryman surveyed them care
fully moment, and then broke out:
"Well, l like your samples; now bring
on your dinnerW
He looked up very humbly, and said
he was sorry to be found in such a
place, but he could assure the court that
he was never in the prisoners box be-
fore. "Never?' asked the court, with
some severity. "Look a here, Judge
said the culprit name the fine, but
for heavens sake don't spring that
'Pinafore' gag on fellow"
Everything, says the Norristown Her.
aid, is about two weeks late this spring
Even the sea serpent which regularly
makes it debut at the watering places
about this time OF the year, has not yet
appeared. We cannot decide which
seaside resort to honor with our pres
ence until we know at which one the
sea serpent is going to board.
owe heard q son of Erin" says the
Council Bluffs Ia. Globe, trying to. sur
round Mary and her lamb the other
day, and this is the way he understood it
"Begorry Mary had little shape, )
| And the wool was white entOirely .-
An wherever Mary would stir her stumps,
The young shape would follow her complatelg.'
Evening softly closes
On their hinges gay ..-
Myriads of roses.
While George ice cream proposes
To Maud, and she saith yes,
Evening softly closes.
The daffodilly dozes
Upon the boulder grey
MID myriads OF roses.
While her father shouts, "Oh, Moses!"
Ana boOteth George away,
Evening softly closes
Myriads of roses.
Astride log sat Sam and anothel
sinner, engaged in little game o
seven-up, when minister approached
who, after solemn contemplation o
the game, laid his hand upon Samuel
shoulder and said: " My friend, is tina
the way to save your soul" Perhaps
/, not" answered Sam, who, having jus
played card, was attentively consider
ing the hand. Perhaps rot, but i
} seems about the best thing can do tt
save my Jack"
There is lots of fun to be had at {
little private pic-nics, when the party
goes up a stream in large boat to
pleasant woodland. All you have to dC
is to lug three baskets of provisions ant
) a box of croquet to the boat, and thel
help row it and get four blisters on eacl
hand, and then climb a tree covered
with briars, to adjust a swing, and worl
yourself almost to death swinging tn,
girl who never seems to get enough o
it, and then reverse the order of thing
until you get home. There is loads O
fun in it. Fun? Why it is just reekini
| with it.
, The Claims of Greece.
Is; Atlanta Constit ution. .5st-
Greece and Albania and Macedonia
: all Turkey, for that matter, and ever
the rest Of Europe, are in state of IN