The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1879-01-04
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"
to junior: "Man should not be
alone I" Junior Correct !"
Young lady: Therefore he should
buy dog !"
The question has been asked,
"Why doesn't God kill the devil ?"
and the answer. we suppose, is that
be is ANXIOUS to see what new
stricks be can teach the RAIDS.
Talking about the jaws Of
DEATH" exclaimed q man who is
living with his third scoldding wife.
Il tell you they are as nothing CON-
pared with the jaws of life !"
A Connecticut wife wants di-
vorce because her husband bound
her with rope, poured kerosene
oil over her and threatened to burn
her up. He replies that be was
only enforcing proper obedience.
A Kentucky girl says when she
dies she desires to have tobacco
planted over her grave that the
weed nourished by her dust may
be chewed by her bereaved lovers.
There il poetry In the idea.
A physician being asked by .
patient if he thought . little spirits
nov and then would hurt him much,
replied: II do not know that
little occasionally would hurt you
much; but if you don't take any it
won't hurt at all"
"ro you msan TO challenge the
jury ?" whispered lawyer to his
Irish client. "Yes, be jabbsrs T.
was the answer. "lf they don't
scquit me, I mean to challenge
every spalpeen Of EN-, I want you
to give them all hint Of it. too"
"Get right out Of this" shouted
an irritated merchant to . msnda-
cious clerk. "this is the third lie !
have caught yoa in since 10 o'clock
this morning" "Oh, well" said
the new man, "don't be too hard
on me. Give a fellow time to learn
the rules OF the house."
1t is said that Lord Salisbury
who Was gartered by the Queen On
his return from Berlin. wears his
garter ON bis left breast. We sup
pose if he were given Q corset he
would put handle to it and have
it stretched SO az to make an nm.
brella Of it. Men had better stick
TO their legitimate costume.
Two residents of Hillsyille, Va,
disputed about young lady's age
-one holding that she was twenty.
the other that she Was eighteen
and fought about it, one being
killed. II they had only asked her
they would have discovered that
she will be seventeen next March.
"Fellow-citizens," said . North
Carolina candidate, "thsre are
three topics that now agitste the
State-greenbacks, taxes and peni.
tertiary. / shall pass over the FIRST
two very briefly, as my sentiments
are we'll known, and come to the
penitentiary, where l shall dwell
for some time"
A wasps' nest contaies fifteen
thousand cells, and the greatest OF
these SELLS ia to sit down on the
oest under the mistaken impression
that all the wasps have gone to the
seaside somewhere on q visit. A
single wasp loa6ng in the back
kitchen will give the sitter q warm
reception. And no doubt q mar
ried one would treat him in the
same manner.
A young man in Milford, KY. sat
down the other day and wrote on
the back of a couple Of postal cards.
Then he turned them over and di.
rected them, but by some mis-
chance placed the address ON the
wrong cards. The result was, 3
shirt manufacturer in New York
got u polite invitation to go buggy
riding somewhere on the Milford
pike, while the young mans girl
was made frantic by receiving the
following /: please send me .
sample Of the stuff your shirts are
made OF"
A Keokuk man who took a mo-
ton that be would know more about
woman's costume, bought q fashion
book and got right down to BUSH
ness. He studied that book for a
week, and was then ready to affirm
to the best of his knowledge and