Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1879-03-05
.sunlOr.

sort of fellow, you are," Witress-"Id
say the same OF you, sir only I'm on
my oath"
The surface Of the Phiiade!ph;a c;nk
is absolutely perfect, and yet, strange
contradiction, it is as asphalty as it can
be, Philadelphia Chronicle.
Professor" Mr.. H, what are YOU
eating Mr.. H.-(feeling in his peck
etl-" Very sorry, professor. but that's
all Eve got. '--Sudem Life.
There are no birds in last years nest
Bat when you lind IN last years vest
dime, in what pleasant way
Ii makes You feel all through the day.
-ioRiSriNt Courler-,j0HrHdR
Sarcastic Tutor" So that's a spheri
cal segment, Ell? Then | must confess
| don't understand your diagram"
Cheeky Fresh. -" Oh, don't you? Well.
come around after the hour and | will
explain it to you" Sensation. )-.Acta
t0hnmbidad.
When Il young tobacco-chewer, who
boasted that his father used the weed
up to the day of his death. was asked if
he didn't think it shortened his DAYS,
replied: Not ut all. Each one of his
days was twenty-four hours long, Just
the same MS if he hadn't used tobacco
They begged him to play little. He
seemed to feel hashiul at first, but after
a while began to paw the ivory vieor-
ously. " What power y said listener
to the owner of the piano. Yes" ex-
claimed the latter in alarm, he seems
to have considerable muscle: but he
ought to know that this isn't gymna-
stun. "-Andrecs Bdaar
"How much do YOU ask for that
GOOSE inquired customer of mar
ket woman. Seven shill:ngs for the
two replied the woman. But want
only one" said the customer. can't
help it" said the woman. 81 amt n
goin' TO sell one without the other To
my certain knowledge them ere geese
have been together for more'n thirteen
years, and ain ta-goin' to be so unfeel-
III MS to separate EN- now"
If there is ever time in the life of
the washerwoman when her heart is
made to beat with JOY, it is when she
finds n diamond stud in the unwashed
shirt Of the young man who owes her Il
years wash-bill. Then she laughs to
herself and says: Hell pay that bill
before he gets this back, as sure rs my
name is Matilda Jane. "--Pome Sentinel.
The solid heavyweight litter is a st.
Louis barber. He is a delicate-look ny,
little chap, but has been known to Gift
200 pound man clear out of the chair
without any effort Whatever, or even
laying his hand on him. He uses
dull razor.--St. Louis Spirit
Governess (dcsrous Of explaining the
word enough" )-"Now suppose, Fred
dy, that you gave pussy all the milk she
can lap, all the meat she can eat, and
all the sweet cake she cares for-what
will she have?' Freddy with surprising
alacrity) kittens l'-B0ston Globe.
A citizen went into Norwich hard
ware store the other day and inquired:
How much do you ask for bath-tub
for a child % "Three dollars and seven
ty-hve,cents," was the reply. "W-h-e-wW
whistled the customer, Guess wen
have to keep on washing the baby in
the coal-scuttle till prices come down."
I-Nor3oich Bulletin.
When the Rev. DR.. Jcssup, Of Heyrut
College, Syria, nov visiting this country,
had concluded n lecture at the Young
Ladies' Free Classical and Bible College,
IN Binghamtor, n. Y, recently, he was
saluted by two of the lady students of
the college in fluent Arabic. His sur
prise was great until they informed
him that they had returned recently
from Jerusalem.
In one of the Detroit schools the 9TH
er day class in English history was
being questioned by the teacher about
Henry the VIII. and she finally asked
"Hid Anne OF Cloves, iIenry's fourth
wife, die p natural death?' There was
an awful silence for half minute, and
then one miss stammered out: "No,
ma'am-she was divorced r"-Fyee Press
The average husband is very tract
able and accommodating person, and
epdeavors 10 treat his wife with due
consideration. But when she sends
him on an exploring expedition To the
clothes press after an article OF iemm-
inc wearing apparel, and alter he has
eroped half an hour IN the dark, bruls-
ed his knuckles on hooks and nails, and
become generally demoralized; after he
has repeatedly told her the desired ar
ticle was not there, and she mas often
responded that it was, and that it hung
on certain pee in a certain corner; nj
ter his wife mas repeatedly told HIM he
wasn't worth a cent to find anything
and he was about to come to the con
clusIon that he is an illustrious fool any
way; we say, after all this has transplr
ed. aud the woman falls to thinking, anC