Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-10-29

| EIDTeSS.
| Now, while the clouds grow rnurky
And the leaflets all turn red
The average human being
With a bad cold in the head
Is afflicted.
@ -NeU York Star.
A NEw-MADE granger out in Illinois
said to his wife: Martha, we'll have
lots of pumpkins next year. I planted
about 40; had to dig awful big holes to
put 'em in, though"
SOME "horrid brute'' has discovered
that the difference between woman and
an umbrella is that that there are times
when you can shut up an UMBRELLA
Syracuse Herald. rs... ....
You have seen those chaps whose
handKerchiefs are always full of scents ?
Such men often have no sense in their
heads and very few cents in their pockets.
- Whitehall Times.
WHEN the country editor wishes to
get up big sale for his paper he sends
through an Office presided over by 8
woman, postal card, to correspondent,
on which is written: Send me q full
account of the scandal-Bostom Post.
IT is fashionable to ridicule women
because they are afraid of mice, and yet
we say unto young men contemplating
matrimony beware of the woman who
isn't afraid of a. mouse-such women
are dangerously. Louis Times.
A CoLoRED political preacher once
told his hearers that "publicans were
frequently mentioned in the New Tesla
ment But de hull Bible" he added,
I" from one end to tother, don't say Dim
icrat wunst."
THERE isnothing like settling down"
said retired merchant confdentially to
his neighbor. When I gave up bust
ness I settled down and found | had
quite comfortable fortune. If I had
settled up, | shouldn't have had cent"
IT always makes a man almost crazy
with rage to wash himself in the morn
ing and then discover the room to be
destitute of a towel, and be obliged to
dry his face on q newspaper or the inside
of his overcoat.
"WHAT is home without a mother?"
Well, we never heard this position
clearly defined, but if the old man were
to pass in his checks too, we should say
Home was an orphan. This joke is an
of-un also.-Baltimo1e Every Saturday.
Tidy, the cook, to small waiter boy
Catholic" Martin, did you know you
was eating meat On Friday? I though
it was against the rules of your church.
Martin" Well, so it is, but it don
hurt the boarders and I guess it wont
hurt me-"
A New JERSEY boy on the St. Mary,
in writing home, says: "There are
things boy wants as soon as be gets to
sea-frst, to get home; second, 3 good
square meal, and, third, to get his fingers
on the man who wrote Jack Harka-
way"
AN abundance of guests and limited
lodging rooms caused Jimmie to be
"slept out" at q neighbours. On arising
in the morning he was invited to remain
at breakfast. "Well, [ guess not" he
replied; eve have mighty good break
fasts at our house when we have com.
pany." gnsl le.-..
The following is told of a young gen.
tleman who was passing an examination
in physics: He was asked: What
planets were known to the ancients?"
"Well, sir" he responded, there were
Venus and Jupiter, and after pause
-" think the earth, but Pm not quite
certain" II" -
SWELL, my man." said military
doctor to patient who had been on
Glow diet = for long time, how are
you?" g Much better, sir" "Could
you eat a small chicken today"
"That could, sir" "What would you
like it stuffed With" "Please, your
honor" replied the hungry patient, +" I
would like it stuffed with another"
"I PROTEST against my sentence" re-
marked solemn-visaged prisoner at the
court house the other day to a constable
who had him in charge. He had been
sentenced to term in states prison.
"And why?' asked his custodian.
Because said the prisoner, CT have
served two terms in that prison, and I
don't favor a third term on the
principle. "-Neasark Sunday Call.
! A MERGED girl, disappointed in love
last spring, pinned and pined down to a
shadow and nearly into pine coffin. A
sympathizing family took her up to the
mountains and fed her on beans, corn
pone, broiled mutton and snow-water
now she is back there, weighing nearly
one-tenth of a ton, and watching for a
chance to whip the man that threw up
on her.
x, who has just lost his wife, meets a
friend as he is coming out Of the under