The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-09-27
a Picnic Experience.

- a Picnic Experience.
, ''What this country really wants." said
hlr. Phipps to me, thoughtfully, as he
locked his fingers over his knee, 'is law
~ making it pcnitcntiary oifcnse to go to a
SSst9 picnic. What Is picnic ~ inquired Mr..
Phipps, pursuing the subject further. 81
will describe it over to you. In the first
place, you want to get the thermometer up
to 100 in the shadc and to keep it there
steadily, with not enough wind blowing to
make a leaf trcmble. Then you get in the
cars, and go out to some place Il few miles
N nearer to the equator than where you live !;
and when you alight from the train you
q discover that the picnic grounds is right on
top of an adjacent hill. There is no vehicle
..a within reach, and 50 start up the side of
the prccipicc with basketful of provisions
;sn each arm, and Il bottle Of mixed
,klcs in your coat tail pocket. There is
'hade upon the prccpicc, of course, and
push upward you become hotter
y until you feel convinced that
y must havo crawlcd up to ut
egrccs and meanwhile the bot
ed pickles gradually gets to
u ton"
on do reach the top finally, and as
fou are in the shade of the woods
down exhausted, and grasp for a
f water. Somebody opens your
asket to get cup, and then the dis
lmadc that the jar OF raspberry
everything, including your hair
nd the clean shirt collar that you
along to wear home in the after
eths moment some one usccrtains
.,rc is no water on top of the hill.
Arrest spring is a full half mile
ard at the bottom of the prccipicc,
yatcr has to be brought up in
p Lots arc drawn to see who shall
u, and you are one of the victims
you get your first two buckets up
c drcnchcd with pcrspiration, and
lprctty nearly ready to go into a
for REPAIRS"
this criticize juncturc one of the
ladies declares that it would be SO
there could be a swing, and the
male idiot of the party produces a
.oma bundle. Yousupposc, of course,
q, nc intends to pnt it up but upon in
>,,liry you arc alarmed that neither he nor
any other of the men knows anything about
climbing trees. As you, the trip up,
have impudently bonscd of your youthful
fcats in gathering chcstnuts, there is H. 9s-
cape for you, and so, taking one end Of the
rope in your mouth, you embrace the
trunk of the tree and begin. When you
slip back two three times the ladies
laugh, and the men who don't know how
to climb made amusing remarks about the
disOrdcrcd condition Of your clOhing'
\ "iou reach the lower branches feeling
Ar that the next time you want to have some
real fun you will attend Il heart rcntlrng
| funeral service of some kind and then the
A men WIS were totally ignorant of tree
= Sclmbing show, by the advice they give
ta. YOU, that they know more about fixing
TtAWing ropes than a man ought to be allowed
"a pow in free country. When the rope
Vt is adjusted, you grasp it and glide
with such rapdity rs to remove the
\ rom the palms Of your hands,"
IA &M, the fattcst young lady in the
thc girl who turns the scales at oil
asks if you will push her in tho
but, OF course, You are far too i'll
.l-.rh at for that, wander off a piece
-rza' Snntil you meet auothcr girl who says you
mast dance with her, besides they have to
:, have one more gentleman to make up the
sci. If you had your choice between los
H. ing leg by amputntion and dancing
plain cotllion you would prefer amptuta-
tion; but there is no help for it, and so
you join the party"
,-">, a "At half-past twelve lunch is ready,
= Ah you answer the call with the feeling
4 it ls the only agreeable occurrence Of
q, ~ day. The cloth has been spread upon
no ~ grass, and you observe that the ants
SHAVE gotten into the sugar, that some cncr-
Setic spider has spun web from the pickle
bottle to the lemonade pitcher, and that Il
colony of straddlc-bugs arc frisking about
over the cold ham. l say nothing about
witches, or of the bumblc-bccs that haunt
the prescrve-jar SO that you darcn't put
spoon within four feet of it. This kind of
thing has to be, on picnic, and we must
submit to it as matter of duty"
/ "Aftcr lunch, you think it would be
n nice TO 90 down the hill and take swim in
the creek. You undrcss, and really do
have nice BATH just as you arc about to
Neome out, the fat girl and the girl who
WANTED you to dance come mcNndcrng
q Along, and they sit down within twenty
y, fleet of your clothes, without pcrcciving
~-theni. They have come for a little chat :;
! and they talk, and talk, and talk, us if
u they had made up their minds to have one
7 final and conclusive conversation so rs to
\ leave nothing to be talked about any more
forever and forever. Meanwhile the sun
Is coloring YOU so that you resemble a boiled
holster, and although you clear your throat,
\ Snd splash, in the noiscst manner possible
a hey positively refuse to hear you. At
III Y, however, they get up to 60, Just as
Eb picnic party is coming down the hill to
IA, Ih the train"
~ You jump out and dress in furious
, for fear you will be left and be-
sas ~-Syou can get your shoes bultoncd you
5SV hear the whistle. You run for it, and get
sEj ito the car, hot, wet, and miserable only
8T find that your lunch basket has been
Yi PIT up on the hil and that your share of
J. ne expenses is exactly fifteen dollars"
"Nlce picture, isn't it3 We'll, that's
bur American picnicl That's exactly tho
II experience went through recently. If |
I ever do it again, want my friends to ru,,
.# me right into an insane asylum, on the
"a I double-quick."
sS X Eneotual Fly Remedy.
93/ \ A reataurant kecncr In tho A Allorhony J,o