The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-05-08
HUMOROUS.

METcALP's BOOMERANG. I" Mrs.
Metcalf," said the magistrate, "do !
understand that you make a charge OF
assault and battery against Mr. Met
calf"
"Not exactly, yonr honor; you
SEE"
"One minute" said Mr.. Metcalf.
Permit me t, explain the matter. i
wanted a patent double action boomer
ang. The popularity Of the boomerang
is that when you throw 1t forward il
flies backward and hits something be-
hind you
When you throw 1t behind you
what does it dor"
"Comes straight to the front. On
Tuesday | bent the kitchen poker into
the boomerang shape and began to
study the scientific aspects OF this re-
markable weapon"
"What for 7"
"Partly for the sake of developing
scientific truths, partly for the purpose
Of killing ducks. Ii | want to kill a
duck with a boomerang what do | do?
| walk away from him. / 90 in the
opposite direction. This lulls suspicion
in the ducks mind. He thinks | am
after another duck. Suddenly | take
careful aim say at Jones's coloTed man,
who is chopping wood in the next
yard. let fly, and the first thing you
know that boomerang has gone whOOp-
ing over my shoulder and'killed the
duck-dead - dead as Julius Caesar.
It's one OF tIe most beautiful things In
the world"
did you ever kill one in that way?"
Well, that is just the point. No. |
did not. 1 am practicing. This Is
what has excited Mrs. Metcalf. We'd
nesday morning, while | was in the
yard trying the thing, l forgot. |
aimed at the bird house on the grape
arDor, and the poker went over my
head and straight through the kitchen
window. 1 apologized to Mrs. Metcalf
and tried again. This time | aimed
right at the kitchen window, intending
to hit the bird box behind me-. The
boomerang must have got twisted
somehow, for the scientific principle
was temporarily suspended, and She
went bang! through the kitchen win
dow again"
STRUCK MRS. MetCdlf r.
"Struck her as a wicked outrage.
But | explained, and bent the poker
back TO the proper angle. Then /
aimed at the pump and let her fly. She
went up, turned over, flew behind me,
and nearly Drained Matilda, the hired
girl, who was coming out of the wood
shed with an armful Of chips, unhap-
nilV. at that mompI
"Where is Matilda 2"
sin the hospital. She is having a
trepan-a kind of trap door-let into
her skull. She will sue me as soon as
she comes out. 1t is hard to suffer for
scientific truth"
"But have you managed to hit any
ducks YETI"
"Ill tell you. | caught a duck an |
tied it down TO a raspberry bush. |
projected the boomerang at that dl ok
two hundred and seventy-three times.
not counting once when it slipped! l
hit everything within forty feet Of the
bird. l hit all the loose ducks and
chickens; | smashed the glass in the
hotbed; l sent the poker twice through
a sheet on the clothes line. | dug up all
tne hover beds, smashed eleven flower
pots, ruined two young peach trees,
broke the top off of the pump, and
manned n pet dog for life, but | never
hit any particular duck once. | don't
know why. Probably l haven't got
the hang of the thing yet"
"And Mrs. Metcalf wants you to
stop practicing, does she?"
Yes, sir But Pm going to learn
it if l have to 60 out to Australia to
get the mack of it,"
"Well, l hold you in 500 bonds not
to fling that boomerang again outside of
Australia until you learn how"
Every well, your honor, but l leave
for there on the first train Tomorrow"
Then the Metcalfs withdrew.
There will be some Lynch law in
Australia if Metcalf ever gets there.