South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-08-08
WIFI Arts lIUMf.ls-

The gpntlemsn at u dinnsr. .,tIs. .sr,
41scussang. ttbr fozniIiar Ens.,- I'M apasss
MANS eae nsbfese mrxk ,s saed,"r axr .
kssbs soY Of the ESss speks ag.saS s7zzs :
-LTs nee nrs- ~ mothers bsrssrrr in,
NAN that wass s~sy rnfstIe-.'
a younS laany hesitatlag fer a ~ord IN
describing tits sfssracsep o9 = youae rr.fu-p
who bod dizzy Asssd heu Eid, "Hs Is as.
a tyrznvr mt snacsEy Scuniuesring, Bs.
--4Dbg7nnEic'' sugsesesd hey frsena
mo, he hassnOe 1spGsy sacugb for shas !.
/ think pufssntc wnsld convey my meso-
ing admirably
The bess lawyers always Cell the hest
stories, and WITH meme the less xrss when
at their swn expense. Not oas ssro
Counseiiis c. Was before Surrogate
Calvin nu ease where the question: rs
volved w1S ss TO the mental evsiisicry Of
the tcscEtyL The witness unsIey sEsrr
nation herself an aged lady, hed sessi-
fled to- tisdrAg Mry. s. falling, child
ish, ans ths't 1hen sbe Sold b.T wrne-
thing slss looked an tboagk sLe diGIn'.
understand. Coupselkr c., eros.-
examining, tried 30 get her TO describr
this feof but she didn't succeed very well
In dong 30. At last, getting little im-
paticas, he asked; "WelI, how did she
look z Did she loos a, you as am look.
ing at you BOW, for instance z" The
witness, very demurely, replied: "Wel.
yes Kind Of vacant Like Hdrper's.
AND He DIP IRA sharp looking
youth walked up quickly to the counter
Of the postoiiice in Is town not hundred
miles from Newcastle, III England, and,
omptying bag of coppers thereon, ask
ed the clerk, who was attending to other
customers, for FIVE shillings' worth of
penny stamps. ooh, you be bothered ~
was the answer. ''That's not legal ten
der; it is all coppers" what is legal
tender, then ~ asked the boy. "Why,
one penny is legal tender for penny
stamp" ooh" exclaimed the youth,
''is 1T" "Come on, then"-passing
coin from the heap-"a penny stamp,
please" The clerk gave him one
Another, please" A second was giycr.
him. Ano-" Here, stop that" the
clerk said; give me the money. 1t will
be the shortest way 10 get rid of YOU"
After counting the money he gave the
value thereof III stamps TO the lad, who
was heard to mutter: "Aa thowt al
would tire him out ,-Exchaugc.
"Why," asked beautiful young lady
"why is it that nature never intended
hair to grow on woman's face p
"Why, YOU dear silly goose, it's because
nature wanted to give the manufacturer
of rouge, cosmetics and lilly white u
chance to make living"
ANOTHER LINCOLN ANEcDoTE-A
Lincoln anecdotc, which, if not absolute
ly new, is not nearly so old as the rest,
is told by correspondent of the Deca-
tur Oll.) Sun. While judge Logan, of
Springfield ILL.,, was Lincoln's partner
two farmers, who had a misundcrstand-
ing respecting hose tradc,wcnt to law
BY mutual consent the partners i'll law
became antagonists in this case. On the
day of the trial Mr.. Logan, having
bought new shirt, open III the back
with huge standing collar, dressed him
self in great haste and put ON thy shirt
with the bosom at the back, linen coat
concealing the blunder. He dazzlcd the
jury with his knowledge of horse points,
and rs the day was sultry took of his
coat and summed up in his shirt sleeves.
Lincoln sitting behind him took in the
situation, and when his turn came re-
marked to the jury "Gentlemen, Mr..
Logan has been trying for over an hour
TO make you believe that he knows more
about horse than these honest old far
Incrs who are witnesses. He has quoted
largely from his horse Doctor and now,
gentlemen, | submit TO you here he
lifted Logan out oe his chair, and turned
him with his back TO the jury and the
crowd, at the same time Tipping up the
enormous standing collar what depend.
ence can you place in his horse knowl,
edge when he has not sense enough TO
put on his shirt y The roars Of laugh
ter that greeted this exhibition, and The
verdict that Lincoln got soon after gave
Logan n permanent prejudice against
Blossom shirts"
HALF WAY UP THE HuLL.-Grand.
papa: "By George, | must stop and
blow bit, Tommy -
Tommy. "All right, grandpapa I've
DOT a etopo 20 t.uf ,,v,lor y.o.,,r I,,l