Daily Republican., 1879-06-07
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the. magistrate, "tkat you MAKE .
charge Of attempted infanticide against
your husbani"
"Well, not exactly that" replied
Mrs. Sloan. "You see T."
"Ons minute-permit me to ex-
plain" exclaimed Mr.. Sloan. your
honor, the situation is this: We have
ono baby . year and half old, and
then We also have twins just two
months old. Little ohsrubs, both oil
them. Their mothers turn up nose'
perhaps, but my eyes and am'abIe ex-
preston" :,
"His hair, too, your HONOR said
Mrs. Sloan, "his hair-red T. :,
"Before We vera married. may it
please tho court, said Mr.. Sloan, "she
vas fond of alluding to it as auburn.
But no matter. She went yesterday 70
. woman suffrage convention. ssAyeu
hous with tho children-three OF thsm,
your honor l nave only two arms
When two Of the little folks cried
vould sit down q silent one and carry
those that screamed. Then the one l
put down would begin. and Ia have 10
pick him up and lay down smother,
aud then it would scream. l tried TO
Garry the odd ono pig-a-back, bat it
vas No use, hs would slip down and
bump his nose on the door. Imagine
the situstion. 1t Was hard. ! was
nearly wild. Only two nursing bottles,
and the third baby yelling like Grow
Indian, while the twins were feeding
"Couldn't he sack his thumb' AK
Cd the magistrate.
"Mrs. Sloan won't let him. Sh.
closed the cato Of joy, so to speak
against her own offspring! Absolutely
prohibited the child from sucking its
ssn thumb! Nero, in his worst days
never went that far, l imagine"
"The historians forgot to mention il
II he did, /" said the justice.
Precisely. Well, | got along as WEI
% could, whom in comes boy With
note from Mrs. Sloan saying that Mrs
Gibbs, the vics-president Of tho con,
vention, wanted her baby out Of the
way while she was comforting with the
select COMMITTEES on ways and means
% in comes the sargeant-at arms with
Mrs. Gibbs baby for me to take csrs Of
That made four. Your honor, il Mrs
Gibbs baby grows up and becomes
missionary he can preach to tho heath
On In Africa without leaving home. HI
has . voice Ike . fog horn. 80 HI
turned in and cried, and the other b
biss cried for sympathy"
at was hsrd," said the magistrate
"Hard Well, I'm an accommodat-
ilg man, 80 put ono twin in one era
IL and rocked it with my right fsot
and put the other in another cradle
and rocked it with my left foot; ther
set Gibbs baby on one knee snc
Jshnny on the other, and by = peculiar
sstisn Of my legs kept all four in nc
Mon at snce. You understand II Well
sir, just ~ oalmness began to prevail
n comes the ssrgeant-at-arms sgiir
With the secretary's baby. said Mrs
Sloan had sent it while the secretary
wrote u1 her minutes, and wouldn't
lsok after 1t for awhile ?"
"Was 1t aslsepi"
"Wsil, no. Now don't want to ex
aSgsrsts, your honor. am under oath
and l all try and state the fact mildly
Bat Pm sadly mistaken if you csuld'n
blow = church organ with the secretary
baby's left lung. 1t whooped and hal
losd In such = manner IS to alarm me
Then Gibbs baby joined in and the.
gave . duet. Pretty soon our thrs
tuned up for chorus, and-vell, sup
pose : whole orphan asylum shoul'
suddenly have 4 spasm Of stomach ach
and you can form some idea Of tn
racket"
Couldn't you quiet them by singip
to them :"
"No, sir; you couldn't have heard
bass drum in that room"
"What did you do 7"
"Ig gave the family bible to one twin
and put Webster's Unabridged Diction
ary on the lap Of the other, merely t.
play with. | thought I'd 60 dow
stairs and got some milk for the whsl'
crowd. did. When | came up, as
had only two nursing bottles, enptist
= bottle Of hair renovator, which Mrs
elsan uses"
81 don't" exclaimed Mrs. Sloan.
"And sastor-oil bottle. put tn
milk in these and in an old pAregori
bottle, punched holes throush ths cork
and handad then around. When
cane to tho twins, they had the bibl
and the dictionary laying right on thei
bossms, and taey were blue in the face
toe heavy, your honor So | had t
pick them up and souss them coupl
sS times in the bath tub to bring then
70; and when got back into the room
with them I found Gibbs' baby II
spssms from the taste Of the hair resto
rsr. and the secretary's baby had swal
lowed the cork, and the other shil'
looked As though the castor-oil bott
somehow hadn't agreed with 1t. 4 min
ute later In com. Mrs. Sloan and tn
Secretary and Mrs. Gibbs, and thu
hustled me out. I don't know villa
happened after that, but believe i
was old Gibbs put Mr.. Sloan up tt
charge me with murder"
"The case is dismissed" said the
Justice, and the Sloan's Withdrew. Mr.,
Sloan has hired 4 nurse.
1nona Your Honey At Nome.