The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1879-09-10

I
Peaoee Methodist.
There is no disgrace in being poor.
The thing is to keep it quiet and not
let your neighbors know anything
about it.
| A Chlnaman never swears when he
gets mad, because there are no "cuss
words" in his dictionary. He simply
upsets his wash-tub, butts the bottom
out, kicks dog, and feels better.
Pious old lady: Gust think, Rose,
only five missionaries to twenty
thousand cannibals ~ Kind-hearted
nice: Goodness The poor canni-
balls will starve to death at that rate"
The fool, says the Detroit Free
Press, goeth out in sail boat when
he doesn't know a boom from
breaker, but the wise man picks up
pebbles on the shore and firts with
the girl in the pink dress.
A tonic-Smallest boy: Better
give in at once, COS I'm bound to
lick YOU" Small boy: "How dyer
know yer a-going to lick me ?" Small
est boy: Zoos I'm stronger than
you; l chew tobacker and you don't.
Fun.
At funeral in Ireland the clergy
man had not been informed of the
sex Of the diseased He accordingly
leaned over to the sexton and said:
"Shall l say brother or sister here
departed%" cts neither, sir" whisp-
cred the man; "sure, he was only an
acquaintance !"
ooh you've killed me-" said a girl
as she staggered back when her lover
gave her gentle embrace. pray
forgive me darling; l wouldn't have
hurt you for the world" For some
time all was silent. Then, after ex-
changing few words, she said. Kill
me again, John"
A little Bowlin Green boy amused
himself the other day playing dog,
and, after discharging all the other
duties Of 'man's faithful friend" he
stuck his head out of his improvised
manger and said: swell, auntie, I've
done everything else, and / weckon
I'd better have pups now" Auntie
tainted on the spot.
"You young scamp" cried an eld-
erly gentleman, as he caught little
urchin in the act Of picking Lis pocket,
"aren't you ashamed OF yourself?
You so young, and thief already p
ooh. CANNON" retorted the urchin,
II like that Amt you ashamed of
yourself-you so old and amt got a
silk pocket-hankercheif yet? ?"
Louis, Victoria and Maud, the
young daughters of the Prince OF
Wales, rarely appear in public in any
but the simplest OF dresses. They
are sometimes seen with their mother
at the theatre in plain white linen or
cotton sailor dresses, with little red
trimming, and they are often met
riding and driving in neat sailor
dresses Of dark blue wooden
Pat was a greenhorn, and worked
for an Essex county farmer, and be-
ing set to fill up cart, was told not
to load on the tail first or it would
tip up. Pat did just what he was
forbid, and up went the cart. His
employer came back in rage aud
asked him what he meant. Pat was
dumbtounded. He went around to
the front Of the cart, laid hold of the
tongue, and at last gasped out ''And
shure, sir, is not this the tail ?"
"Pat," said Snogglethrope, who is
fond of using high-sounding phraseol-
ogy, to his man-of-all-work, "rm 60
ing to town at 10 o'clock and shall
weed out the cucumber beds in the
interim" "Interim," thought Pat.
"that's mighty quare name for a
garden, anyhow !" "Is Mr.. Snoggle-
thrope at home" asked visitor,
who called shortly after, "Yis, sorr !;
yell find him at work in his interim
there beyant, so we will."-SomerviUe
Journal
The Duke OF Bedford on one occa-
sion asked the Marquis Sligo to dine
with him at Woburn Abbey, and be-
ing particularly anxious that his guest
should taste some Of his choice NUT
ton, of which he was proud, ordered
his shepherd to single out one of the
finest sheep for the coming repast.
The time came, and both the Marquis
and Duke were seen to turn up their
nose and evidently not relish the fla
vor. The fact was that the shepherd
in his innocence had singled out a
very fine ram, for which the Duke
had paid the large sum OF e3OO, max
no snra that narticu1ar beast was the