The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-03-22
fUNN YGRAPHs.

fool, can keep on good terms with b - i"
self.-AeO Orleans Picayane.
IF a preacher may kiss the ladv Of
house, why may not the grocer?" ftis
the grocers who are propounding this
conundrum.
AN Augusta, Ga, factory is filling
an order for 600 dozen cradles-from
which we infer that the wheat crop will
be large this year.
GLADSTONE has been presented with
a silver Ratchet. Thisplaces him under
an awkward responsibility for the future
He cannot tell a Iie.-Ho1Udrd Lqmpo0a.
In the bright lexicon of youth, it is
said, there is no such word as fail; but
that is where the |. o. y. differs materi-
ally from mercantile reports.-Biddet6rd
Miniature.
IT is said that during a late speech
Dennis kearney was SO excited that the
voice rolled down his face and his per-
spiration shook with DefroH
Free Press.
AS an eminent medical authority has
asserted that kissing and huggirg are
dangerous to health, cynical Boston
paper recommends marriage as q sure
preventive.
A PET lamb ate up his mistress pail of
yeast in Iowa the other day, and when
the stuff in him began to get up on its
hind feet it liked to have lifted the little
sleeps lid of.
"WHEN shall | call you in the morn
ing, sir?" asked a hotel waiter Of an
Aberdonian one night. He replied,
haughtily: "I'll ring the bell when l
want to be called"
"MoTHER is all the time telling me
not to bolt my food" said the small boy,
and now she has gone and bolted up
the cupboard that has got all the com
pany victuals. "-Neo0 Hdgea Register.
LORD - married a charming won-
an. She died and he married a woman
with temper. Some one called on him
the other day and said: Where is
your wife?" He answered: Z" She is in
heaven. I am not; Lady - is in the
drawing groom. "-LOnd0n Truth.
VOICES of the Night" makes very
pretty title for poem, but the reality is
not SO enchanting. We refer to the pre-
matrimonial conversation carried on in
the cellar by our favorite Maltese and
gallant neighbor Of the opposite SEX
NeoO Haven Register.
THE swill-milk excitement in New
York is still at its height. The poor
COWS that give the milk are cruelty
treated, and the tails of large number
have dropped off with disease. We sup
pose it is from these poor animals that
the lack-tail fluid is procured.
A YOUNG girl was spoken to about
music, the theatre and literature. The
converse ton fell upon a novel of consid-
cradle repute. "Have you read it?"
asked the friend. The young girl, with
sigh of regret, replied: "Ab, no, sir,
[ do not read alone. "-FTencb Paper.
PLEASE do not handle" is the Swiss
request; "Ne touchez pas, sill vous
touch" bowsth Frenchman; Visitors
must not touch" says John Bull, firm
ly; " Hands off" growls the Yankee;
the western people lay revolver on the
article, and say nothing.-Erie Herald.
A YEAR old baby is undoubtedly a
JOY and treasure to his parents, and at
times seems to be perfect cherub; but
when he tries to rake the fire with the
best comb and sweep up the ashes with
the Sunday hair brush, he is not far
from being an embryo fend-Hdcken-
sack Republican
WHEN George Washington was six
years old his father made him present
of a little Ratchet, ct cetera. George"
said his father, who has destroyed this
cherry tree| Father" said the noble
lad, -" l cannot tell lie; the hired man
saw me do it."
Come" etc.-Puck.
THE man whose pantaloons bag most
at the knees isn't necessarily the man
who prays the most. Sleeping in day.
coach with your knees propped up
against the seat in front of YOU, will
wreck the knees of a straight pair of
pants quicker and more successful than
two years Of prayer meetings-Bmliag-
ton Haa0keye.
YOUNG SMYTHE-" What, not skat-
ing, Mrs. Marrable?" Mrs. Marable Ga
fascinating young widow over nine-and-
forty, but who doesn't look it," No;
I'm too old for that sort of thing"
Young Smythe-" Too old? What do
you call too DID, Mrs. Marrable?"
Mrs. Marrable (modestly Don't you
call twenty-eight too old, Mr.. Smythe?
/ do"
THERE are enough engineers and semi
engineers, says the Bodie (Cal.) Stand
ard, in the camp, now to run all the ma
chinery on the Pacific coast. Half Of
the stage loads which have come in since
the strike were engineers. Some Of them
are good runners, too. "Runl" said on
Irish miner, who objected to going down
the shaft; av cOorse he can run. He
sarved his premiership runnin' a whale
| barrO.'"
WHAT'S the matter, your honor?
I'm ruined woman, that's what's the
matter. Ne little grandchild, Jimmy,
the baby as was blind and had the sweet
face, and that I've begged with on my
arm so long, and never saw the day he
wasn't worth francs is"-and great
sobs choked her ptterance. els dead?"
said the gentleman, kindly. Dead?
Divil the luck! His eyes is cured, and
for business purposes he's ruined en-
tirely. Och, wirasthu-ventrebleu!" -
Poris Paper.
JENKINS is very hard to suit in the
matter of restaurants The other day,
after he had finished his dinner at one
he had never been in before, he sent for
the proprietor. "Ah, sir! will you per-
NIT me to embrace you, and take heart
felt fareweli?' "Why, so, my dear sir?"
Why, SO? you miserable old hash
chopper; do you dare ask me why? Be
cause you Will never see me again; that's
why" And SO saying, he embraced the