The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-04-12
FUNNYGRAPHS.
MISSING men--Bad marksmen.

A HoME-sTRETCH-Over a mothers
knee.-Puck.
WATER in boat gets out on BAIL
Nea0 Orleans Pic0yune.
LATE to bed and early to ryes wears
! out the strongest constitution.-NeoU Or
leans Picaytne.
| SOME men read very funny thing
with an inward chuckle-othersi indulge
in jest-tickleation.-Pack.
| AN Illinois girl, with pitchfork, kills
scores of gophers every day. You ought
to see her gopher the gophers.
! 4 PRETTY girl won musket III lot
terry. When they gave it to her she
asked, Don't they give soldier with
it2''-Paria Paper.
Trying to get to heaven without
faith is about like setting out in silk
| tights to climb a CREASED POLE Yonkers
! Gazette.
THERE is man in the Massachusetts
legislature who has such big mouth
that the top of his head would come off
but for his back collar button.
! The soldier may draw useful lesson
from the old carpet, observes Puck. 1t
| shows its colors the palmer the more it
! is beaten.
"TAKE back the heart that thou
gayest," IS the gambler said to his pal,
| who had passed him under the table the
wrong card to fill the flush.
The great question with many people
just now is whether to buy couple of
diamonds or couple of Florida straw
berries. The prices are about the same.
AsNORRIsTOWN scientist has theory
of his own about the shower of birthstone
in Berks and Lehigh counties few days
ago. He says it came off walking
matches.-Norr. Herald
THE mule lives to great age. We
saw one this morning whose clocks were
as gray as the foamy sea-" not his fet-
locks, by long shot-we did not stop to
examine them.-New Haven Register.
JONES said, looking into the glass the
other morning, " am man with three
heads OH my shoulders-the one l see,
the one feel and the one that Brown
put on me-"
DURING the coming house-cleaniDg
season the ladies will have all the paint
washed except that portion which rubs
off fellows shoulder Of Sunday even
ing.-NeO RaUen Register.
"PA, what does nobby mean ?"
"Stylish, my dear" "Well, then, pa,
your nose must be very stylish, for
grandma says you've got the knobbiest
nose in town."
"WHY does dog chew bone after it
is devoid of meat?" an inquisitive ex-
change asks. That is easy to answer;
you've often heard of "bread in the
bone," and its the bread the dogs after.
AN ale guzzler doesn't stop to consider
that every time he drinks he is adding
an ale to his cotin,- Boston Post. A
result, no doubt, owing to the tacks on
spirits.-Nea0 York Commercial Adver-
tiSer.
ENVY the man who kan tolk 365 days
IN year on one subjekt, and think he IL
original and interesting all the time;
but | don't want to be a sun-in-law ov
one ov these kind of people.--Josh BIZ
h1sgs.
JOHNNY" said a sporting father,
" Johnny, what have you got in your
fist?" "Two pears" said johnny.
Good hand" said the absent-minded
parent, take the pot" Then he
blushed, and, pointing to brass kettle,
"to your mother"
Two darkies were Wanting their
courage. Isn't 'feard O nothin'. II
isn't" said one. "Den, Sam, 1 reckon
you isn't feared to loan me a dollar?"
"No, julius, | isn't 'feard to loan YOU a
dollah, but l does hate to part wild an
ole frien' fOrebber. "-KnoaciHe Tribune.
HUGGIEG sociables are popular in
some rural parts of New Jersey. The
prices charged are given for benevolent
purposes. 1t costs ten cents to HUG q
girl between fifteen and twenty, but you
have to pay twenty-five cents for a
young widow, five cents for q girl be-
tween twenty and thirty, and dollar
for hugging married lady.
SCENE: German recitation room.
March, 1880. Tutor: "Mr. X, please
translate the following sentence: INV
brother has a glass of water and a piece
of bread" Mr.. X. dropped from 800: |
3" Please, sir, | don't know the words for
water and bread; We always did our SEN
fences last year in beer and cheese. p!
Yale Record.
" WASH baby up clean and dress him
up real pretty, and he will.resist all
advances with most superlative cross
ness; but let him eat molasses ginger
bread and fool around the coal hod for
half an hour, and he will nestle his dear
little dirty face close up to your clean
shirt bosom and be Just the loyingest,
cunningest little rascal in all the world u
--NeaO Haven Register.
ARTHUR GILMAN tells the following
of an old lady at Concord: "Have YOU
given electricity trial for your com
plant, madam" asked the minister. as
he took tea with the old lady. "EIec-
tricity!" said she. "Well, yes, reckon
it has. l was struck by lightning l4st
summer and hove out the window, but
1t didn't seem to do me no sort of good"
Boston Traveller.
1T is related that when James Russell
Lowell was last in Rome a medicant
monk met the poet in the Corso one day
and asked for contribution to repair a
monastery. You should not ask me
for aid," remarked Lowell in choice
Tuscan, " for | am a heretic' "Ihat
makes no difference" replied the astute
friar; your money is orthodox" The |
poet appreciated the witticism and made
the contribution asked.
THE Concord, n. H., Monito, tells
this story: 1t was at the good will
dance, and young gentleman of this
city, who has occupied various positions
of prominence, was making himself
agreeable to a beautiful creature to
whom he had just been introduced.
SofI hn l. I