, 1879-07-20
CURRENT GOSSIP. !.

bit when he should come for bis hat"
CURRENT GOSSIP.
TIE PIAZZA TRAGEDY.
ST. Lonls 7tmes-5osrudL
Agernon'a Ethel's papa hasa
Newly painted front piazza.
He has T.
When with tobzcco-juice 'tEns tainted,
They had that front piazza painted
That tainted
Piazza painted.
Aleernon called around perchance
That night aFrayed in goodlS pants
That night oerchsReo
In gorgeous pants.
Engaging Ethel IN chat
On that piAzza down he sal
In chat
They sat-
And, when an hour OF 50 had pass'd,
He tried to RISE but oh: stuc1 fas1r-
At last
Stuck fast! ..-
Fair Ethel shr1eked, III is the p1intV
. And tainted in deadly faint
THIS saint
Did faint
A1gernou sits there TIL this day-
He canuot tear himself away:
Away!
Nay. nay!
His p1nts are 1rn, the paint IN dy-
Hes nothing e!se 10 do but dis:
70 DIE
my:
THE INTELLIGENT JURTMAN.
-Seto FORK GRAPHITE.
Counsel-Do you know anything Of this casel
No.
Ever read Of ita
Ever read an5thfns'
What! nevers
No. [Applause.}
No.
ANY opinion about anything1
No.
Never have opinions!
No.
What! nevcra
NO. TApplause.1
Ever heard "Pinaforel''
No.
(Groans.
No sympathy With anything pertaining to tho
public INTEREST,"
No information, no knowledge, no opinions,
no taste for reading, no desire to know what's
going on in the Worlda
None whatever.
Good. You'll do for 1urJman. You arc
accepted.
QUHS.
Needs looking fnto-A telescope.
Pome- -aid-A rhSming dictionary.
1t is very small boat tnnt Is capsiz.d.
4 speculator in oil-weils may b said to be In
the hole-sale business.
Net proht-Fish.- Did any one ever hear
the Queens-ware--Chieago Commercial Adpe5-
!iser.
"Beaux on the khoes are fashionable, " solilo-
qulzed old Hardheart y ben be kicked Sarah's
Soung man out
The lilies Of the field have pfstiJs; and every
ike one Of theae.''
n the morning thinks arose two hours later
would sound quite as Sweet
A poet In the Whitehall Times exclaims: III
am haunted, weirdiy haunted, by the dripping
u the rain-" The Boston Post advises new
hiuges as remedy.
\ rich New Yorker is so fearful that his
u !hter NAV marry coachman that he has
-.>cu her and started for China. But he must
emcmber there is a Coch-in-C China TOO.
"Mar;on," he asked, in that style which
} big brother assumes when patroniztng little
lister. "Maroo, do you know that the earth
urns rouuds" ''Of tos does" Answered
laricn, reseating the i.npusation of ienurlzc.;
Il thal's the reason tumbIes ont OF bed"
To the Fhal;us Of EgHpt-Respecte1 SIR: Hay
ns learned that, in consequence of your recent
lethronement, you are troubled about a place
o live, We hasten to offer you the freedom Of
Cincinnati. Rents are very low here, the Theo-
lore Thomas concerts arc In full blast, and you
an get schooner OF beer for i've ceuts.-Cin-
innan Enquirer.
What glorious fun the small boy has about
hese times, as he splashes and dives about in
he pond. The only drawback seems to be that
good deal OF time has to be wasted in stis7in.
p his dripping hair with little stick to drr,
EST it should give him away to the old LADY,
Fhen be sneaks into the back door to steal >
oughuut-4r<.o Laven Register.
A single wedge OF pie was left over from din
er. When Georges mother went TO the pantry
n hour later that piece Of pie was gone As bet
ye turned from the empty plate in an iuquIr'ng
ay toward George, with the astonishing celert-
! OF youth he perceived what VAS passing IN
er mind aud what was not in the plate, and
nswered her unspokcn question with, 81
1ouidn't wonder, ma, if tramp took it; they
rc always round setting fires and soaring folks,
ad taking things, you know" His mother
lade no reply except to brush certain susp;-
ous c1umb. of Georges Jacket 1t was cyi
ent that the tramp theory wouldn't work.
epxf07t TrdurcriDf