Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-09-17
FUNNYGRAPHS.

REMARK of the oyster Sept. 1: "Here
tim.
"THE early bird gets the worm," but
a gnurly apple gets it also.--American
Punch.
FRUIT is dirt cheap, but cholera medi-
cine rules at the old igures.-Nea0 York
EI2'ress.
IHE coiner of pennies takes common
cents view of things, although he does
minis matters.-New York Nems.
The flower named bachelors button''
is SO called beuause it is apt to fall off,
New Orleans Pdcayuue.
The kangaroos are dying out. They
have for years been on their last legs
NeaD Orleans Picoyune.
A WESTERN paper describes very
slim man as being tall enough to go into
the woods and pick mess of squirrels.
The sexton looks upon the minister
very much as the Snowman does upon
his fve-legged calf or his man with the
the iron jaw.
knowledge is the right bower, and
one of the showiest cards in the pack,
yet in the game of life cheek is the
little joker that is oftentimes the winner.
A BOLD young man explained why ne
had pretty girl in his lap with his arm
around her, by saying that he was
engaged in the study of weights and
measures.
"PA," said little Illinoisan, while
strolling in the grove with his parent,
recently, "rabbits don't have tails
they only have little bunch of cot
ton"
CYRUS w. FIELDS habit Of carrying
one hand under mis- coat tails will get
him into trouble some day. Some man
will think Cyrus is after pistol, and
when a man thinks that he works to get
the first "drop."
You can travel Scott free in the land
of Burns, if you walk and never stop to
eat or drink. Plenty Of the natives live
On Ayr.-N Y NeWs. And few of
them reside in Skye.-N Y. Commercial
advertiser.
Now will Mr.. Huxley explain the
phenomenon of negro woman with
twins, one white and the other black.
What sort of evolution is that? asks the
Elmira Advertiser. Kind Of Mosaic dis
pensation, we presume.
A MAN who has the cheek to put up
" bitters" containing ninety parts
cheap whisky and the remainder dog
button, and then advertise the stuff as
" a friend Of temperance" would think
nothing Of stealing red-hot lime kiln.
OLD gentleman" shall report you,
WI,- IsI,,if OR
car before? Here / have been running
after your car more than a block"
Conductor" Ali right, guv'nor; Pm
sorry; but I amt like pertater-eyes
all over"
A GREAT many morally inclined bust
ness men will tell you that the people of
to-day are not as honest as they were in
their time--but they'll shove bogus
quarter on near-sighted man just as
quick as man Of more modern make
E'hnaird Gozttte.
WHEN filling cavity, dentists some
time place dam in the patients mouth.
When tooth is being extracted, the
dentist is relieved of that duty. The
patient supplies all that are required
Boston Transcript.
A FAT French woman despairingly
says: 81 am so fat that pray for dis
appointment to make me thin. No soon
er does the disappoin tment come that
the mere expectation Of growing thinner
gives me such JOY that / become fatter
than ever"
A WOMAN who was having her first
Introduction to the telephone few days
ago, was told by the operator to place
the instrument to her ear and listen to
the words the wire would say. "And
now" said she, in all innocence, shall
talk with the other r."-Spqanqfezd
Republican.
so now you are B. A. What do
you intend to do2' "Oh, Pm going to
take my degree and then be professor,
and then I'm going to hurry through
my thirty years so as to be entitled to
and then / shall enjoy my well-earned
rest. - arisian Wstticism.
SAYS Joaquin Miller, writing of the
river Thames: "By the side of this great
commercial artery of the earth broods
London-broods, and broods, and
broods.' He might have added with
equal force and truth that it broods, and
broods, and broods, and broods, and
broods, and broods, and broods and
broods.-Rockkand Courier.
CHOW, Mr.. Robinson" said the fair
young city visitor to the kind-he arted
farmer, won't you show us your water
melon orchardT' 81 haven't a water
melon tree on the place thisyear, ma'am;
they were all winter.killed," and his fair
questioner wondered why he smiled so
pleasantly as he answered.-Nea0 Haven
Register.
A LITTLE four-year-old girl going to
church with her mother for the first
time the other other Sunday, saw the
long handled contribution boxes passed.
With great wonder iD her face and to the
great amusement of all about her, she
broke out in the loudly whispered excia-
nation: 4" MARINA, mamma, what makes