Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-04-10

One Of the Funny Exploits of an Auala-
ciOus Wag.
From the Indianapolis Journal

| [From the Indianapolis Journal
When Franklin Pierce was President, jeff
Davis, then Secretary of War, issued gen.
eral invitation to officers of the Army who
were skillful dr4ughtsmen to send in sugges-
tions for the new uniform which it had been
decided to adopt One such invitation was
sent to each officer. Lieut.. Derby was very
ready with his pen-a really ingenious artist.
In reply he sent to the War Department de-
sign for new uniform-or rather peculiar
addition to the old uniform-the amendment
consisting merely of ring attached to the
seat of the trousers of each private soldier.
Each officer was to carry, instead of sword,
along pole with hook in the end like shep-
herds crook. The pole and the ring enabled
officers to keep privates from running away
in battle Fugitives could be easily caught
by it and brought back. Stragglers could be
| kept in line. Moreover, the ring would be
| very useful in the, cavalry service to fasten
soldiers to the saddle to prevent them from
falling off, and in the artillery service the
| rings were to be used for draught purposes in
the absence of mules.
These specifications were accompanied by
the most grotesque pictures, representing Of
fcers hauling back cowardly recruits by the
| serviceable ring, cavalry securely fastened to
the top of their steeds by the same device,
and artillerymen harnessed to cannon, draw
ing them through narrow defiles or up an
acclivity inaccessible to mules by cables at
| tached to the posterior staples.
On another sheet of bristol board was an
illustration in gaudy collors of ''Derby's" Ro-
tary Mule Howitzer," accompanied by the
following description: "Upon the back of a
young and vigilant mule strap a mountain
Howitzer, the muzzle pointing toward the
| tail. A similar piece of ordnance is fastened
| with iron bands under the animals abdomen,
the muzzle aimed between his forelegs to the
front. There are four gunners-two to each
piece-and 'persuader' as he is called,
whose business it is to persuade the mule to
stand firm and not retreat by stufing him
with oats, after each discharge, with tin
sausage-stuffer. When Indians or other le-
gitimate game appear in view, the mule is by
crank movement on the tail limbered to the
front 1t don't make any difference which
way the mule faces (and here is where my
patent comes in), one gun is always pointing
toward the front. At the command 'Fire!'
the top howitzer is discharged. The recoil
throws the mule on his back, bringing the
second gun into position. This is discharged,
which suddenly throws the mule to his feet
again, when the gunners swab out the mules
throat with hay and reload.'' The accompa-
nying illustration Tin brown, red, blue and
gold, and still on file in the War Department.,
represented the rotary mule in seven different
attitudes, looking contented and happy all the
time.
This was felt to be outrageous audacity on
the part of subaltern. The clerks in the
War Department laughed at the funny letter
immoderately, but their superiors looked Sc
rious. Jefferson Davis, the head of the de-
partment, was terribly indignant, and he
resolved to defend his wounded dignity.
Charges and specifications We're drawn up
against Lieut. Derby, and the. officers were
actually named for his court martial, when
William R. Marcy, Secretary of State, man
of more sense and self poise, said to the irate |
Secretary, 'Now, see here, Gen. Davis, don't
do it. This Derby has undoubtedly super
fuous development of humor, but be is |
shrewd and ingenious, and really fine
He has valuable qualities
You can organize court that will convict
him, but you will be the butt of ridicule on
account of it all your life. Better file the
of the crook-and-ring and the
lively rotary mule, and say nothing" And
he did.
q