Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1879-10-08

he is shoer.
"A hair on the head is worth more
than a dozen in the hash.
The woman who paints merely
does so to shade her face.
Out West when they lynch a
lightning-rod agent they use one of
his cheeks for coffin plate.
You can't expect to hit a mark
with bent arrow, as the straighten-
arrow way is the right way.
Why can you never expect fish
erman to be generous Because his
business makes him selfish.
"A Spartan was asked how he at
tanned such great age 81 am not ac-
quainted with any DOCTOR" was the
reply.
Two twin brothers are said to be
so much alike that they frequently
borrow money of each other without
knowing it.
-"Have you mother-in-law ~
asked man of a disconsolate looking
person. NO" he replied, "but l have
a father in Jail"
The barber who heard his son
speaking disrespectfully of the profes-
sion took him out into the woodshed
and lathered him.
"It's no use," said the boy, as he
saw the old man coming over the
fence with the ox-whip, II can't elope
with that melon"
"A young lady who has been prac-
ticing "Let Me Kiss Him for His
Mother" says the more she tries il
the better she likes it.
"A member of Congress rose in
his place and solemnly declared: "Mr
Speaker, l cannot sit still here and
keep silent without rising and saying
few words"
MA" said precocious youngstel
at the table the other evening, after 9
long and yearning gaze at plate o.
doughnuts, edo you think | could
stand another of those fried holes z"
A colored preacher in Alabama
puts his foot on excessive bribery a
elections and crushes it. "Dis ting
he says, cob gittin' 500 for vote is
all wrong $40 is as much as its WORT
Two deacons in a country town
were disputing about the location of {
graveyard. "Well," says one of them
"I'll never be buried in that graveyard
so long as / live" "What an obsti
nate man |" replies the other; eff the
Lord spares my life, | will"
| A minister who was speaking
quite loud saw q woman leaving th'
church with a crying babe, and there
upon exclaimed. "Your baby dom
disturb me, madam" "That isn't it
SIR" she replied; "you disturb tn
baby" OF course every effect mus
have a cause.
| "A little boy, the son of an ortho
dox Presbyterian, recently listened at
tentively to some conversation in re
gard to Christ having been Jew. A
last he could stand it no longer ant
broke out with: "Well, | don't Sc
how that could be, when God, hi
father, was Presbyterian"
"A negro preacher in North Care
, lima gave the following notice to hi
f flock few Sundays ago: 81 have bee
, preaching to you ever since l cam
here from Matthew and Mark, and
, you want me to preach from Genesi
: and Exodus you must raise my wages
: 1t is hard work, and Pm not going
, preach the fat out of my gizzard ft
5 so little pay"
EVERY day you beat me out {
!. time" said an employer to tard
workman. "What's that you're sayin
t you ignorant man? Bate you out {
= time, is it? Don't l go home to m
l dinner at twelve by the town clocl
t and that's half an hour too fast, al
1 don't 1 come back at wan by the cloc
D at the Emerald Ring, an that's ha
an hour too slow? AM how do
l bate you out of any time ? The tim
e isn't up yet, so I'll take my aize al
have O ShmOke."