The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-10-25

-SyTdcuse Herald.
ALL the axes and bucksaws found in
the ruins of Pompeii are of light make,
Those old ancients knew their little
business.
A FRENCH journal concludes that
there are 100000 Maries in Paris" In
this case Paris must te something like
the late Brigham Young--very much
Married.
"JENNIE, what makes you such
bad girlT' "Well, mamma, God sent
you Just the best children he could find,
and if they don't suit you | can't help
it."
A SUBSCRIBER to southwestern paper
died recently, leaving four years sub
scription unpaid. The editor appeared
at the grave and deposited in the coffin
palm leaf fan, a linen coat, and Their
mOmeter.
Boy who found hair in his bread,
said to his mother before company,
" Mother, here's hair in the bread"
ooh, no." she said, otis only thread"
" Yes, but it is hair" replied he, IF
it wasn't hair this nit wouldn't be on
it."
MOTHER" Johnny, why do you look
so down-hearted ?" Johnny-"'Coz l
haven't got no luck. Jim Woodhead
was the last in the class, an I'd a-worked
myself up to the last but one, an now
Jimmy's died to-day, an | am the last
again. Boo-hooW
EVIDENCE olfactory: Angelina (scien-
tifc)-"Do you smell the iodine from
the sea. Edwin: "Isn't it refreshingp
Old Salt (overhearing)- y" What you
smell amt the sea, miss; it's the town
drains, as flows out Just 'ere.-LOnd0R
Punch.
M. PRUDHOMME reads in his news
paper the details of horrible crime
committed by policeman VINO cut his
victim into sixty-fve pieces. And
yet" he murmurs, they dare say that
this republican system is the one which
divides us the least"
SNIPKINs refused to get his wife new
hat; soon after his little girl came in and
said: Mamma, won't you buy me
monkey to play with when you go down
town." "No, darling-wait till you
are older, and then marry one, as | did,
replied the grief-stricken wife, her tears
bursting forth afresh.
THE Virginia City Stage explains that
Buttermilk canon is in the Paradise
mountains, northwest of Eden, about ten
miles from Gouge-Eye," on the road
leading from Limburger" to "Whoop-
em-Up," via "Bull Town." Lay
Out" and " Hungry" and just over the
mountains from "Bung- Eye and
Knock em-Stiff."
Two eminent members of the Irish
bar, Doyle and Yelverton, quarrelled
one day so violently from words they
came to blows. Doyle, the more power
full man of the two knocked down his
adversary, exclaiming most vehemently,
You scoundrel, I'll make you behave
yourself like gentleman" To which
1elverton, rising, answered with equal
Indignation, No, sir, never; | defy you'll
| defy you'll You can't do it"
AESTHETIC pride-Fond mother, You
live too much alone, AIgernon?" Young
genius (pOet, painter, sculptor, etc.:
" lis better SO, mother! Besides only
care for the society of my equals, and
a-such being the case-a-my circle is
necessary rather limited" Fond moth
er: "But surely the circle of your
suIariors-" Young genius: Only
what, mother? My superiorsI Where
are they ?"-Punch.
" WELL, my boy" said good-natured
father to his eight year old son the other
evening, what have you done to-day
that may be set down as a good deed?"
" / gave poor boy five cents replied the
hopeful. "Ahl that was a charity, and
charity is always right. He was an
orphan boy, was he?'' /" didn't stop to
ask, " replied the hoy; " gave him the
money for licking boy who upset my
dinner basket"
MANY man sits up nights five weeks
at a stretch, Sundays included, COM
posing a communication for the press on
slate, and then having spent another
week copying it until it might be mis-
taken for piece of engraving, lie walks
into the editors office and remarks,
with badly assumed c8relessness that
wouldn't deceive wooden cigar sign
Indian: "There's something | just
scratched off that | thought you might
use."
"SEE here" said be to the man at the
counter, "don't you give notice to charge
only Is cents for dinper9' yes, sir,
replied the man, "but you undoubtedly
ordered something outside of the fega'
lar bill of fare, and this waiter has only
charged you 10 cents extra" ono,
didn't have derned thing 'cept dinner.
That Teller with white apron sot ahuu
tumblerful of wooden slivers down by
my plate, but l never teched one of 'em,
and !! don't propose to pay for what
hain't had"
A NOBLE lord recently received we'll
deserving "snub" at hotel gathering
Telling the proprietor that he wished to
dance with q certain lady he pointed
out, he was marched up to her and
formally introduced. "ThaDks," re-
marked the lady, who was aware Of the
instructions that had been given, ebay
ing already had my shoemaker intro
duced to me as barOnet, there's J.
telling but what my butcher may have
dubbed himself lord; l only dance IN
my own sci"