South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-12-05
WIT AND HUI MGR

Ark, State relates this After TIE war
ended, where once Was a besutiiul wood
lot was now an unsightly waste, through
which now meandere6 small creek, and
when the spring came the blue grass
grew as luxuriantly upon it as ever. 1t
was about mile from town. and Major
Billy was in the habit of riding out of
an evening to Craze his horse One eve-
ming, to his surprise, he saw fifteen or
twenty large yellow suckers lying on
sandbar in the creek. He rode back
home, got a minnow-net and soon land.
ed them.
Running after the fish had heated
him considerably. as the weather was
warm; he pulled off his coat, unbutton.
ed his collar, and. wrapping the halter
around his right hand, lay down on the
side of bush to cool off. While lying
on his back and looking up at the clouds
passing slowly over him, his thoughts
reverted to the time when the Federals
evacuated Tennessee, and the box of car
tridges he fished up out of the creek,
and how he and his son William. after
taking off the balls, put the powder in
large iron pot and set it by the fire to
dry-the fire popped, coal described a
segment of circle and dropped in the
powder. Fall back, William. fall back
says the major. William had done fell'
out of the door.
While Illuminating on such pleasant
"reminiscences, the major fell ascep. -
He can tell the balance. He said NV
friend, God bless you, something crawl
ing over my face walked me- thought
at first it was the halter, but there was
cold, slick feeling about the thing that
made my flesh crawl. opened my ewes :;
there was large water moccasin, his
head raised about six inches above nv
nose, one glittering eye looking straight
into mine. his tongue playing in and out
of his mouth like sheet lightning during
a hurricane
MY friend, God bless you, expect |
hollered, for the snake ducked his head
and seeing my shirt collar open. and
thinking 1T safe hiding place, glided
down into my bosom. Stranger, 1 have
had the cholera, the smallpox, been
blown up with gunpowder, shot by the
Yankees, but that was the worst scrapc
lever got into. That snake was squirm
ing about the pit of my stomach. his
head on one side, his tail on the other
Just tickling me on the short ribs
How got out Of that shirt don't know
The first thing | rccollect was seeing
that snakes tail disappear under pill,
of brush in the creek"
Major, was you scared z"
We'll, slightly, stranger, God bles.
you, slightly. Yes, sir, slightly"
A French lady, who was expecting
her third child, asked her first born. ;
boy OF six. whether he would rathc
have little brother or a little sister,
After rejecting a moment he said
Mamma, | have little brother alrea
dy, and if it's all the same to YOU.
would rather have horse"
Some females have Just been arrested
IN Kentucky for the manufacture of iii
cit whiskey. This is the first recorde,
Instance of a woman keeping still
IF punish you" said mamma to he
little girl, you don't suppose l do 5,
for my pleasure, do you ?" Then who's
pleasure il it for, mamma %
New Yorker is sueiug his wife 70
divorce because she goes to sleep befor
he does.
The man who cheats the printer
Out of a single cent,
VIII never reach the heavenly land
Where old Elijah went.
He played truant from school, and az
ter his parent had taken him across hi
knee ana administered some stern adnc
milton lie said "My son, why will yor
be such an idler? Why don't you fol
low the example Of tho ant, and be in
dustrious?" "Well, so / do" blubber
Cd the boy, CANT a tru.ant z"
Love is sweet and so is sugar, bu
sometimes there ia a good deal of gri
in both.