Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1879-07-31
Get Even.


AS everybody knows perfectly wei
there aic large proportion of Congres
sional fat wits ut Washington, politics
numskulls, whose speeches are alway
written for them b. some clever, half-pa
Bohemian or other, and for which the lat
ter. by the way, des elycst the eternal THANK.
OF grateful country. AS ignorance ant
meanncss always go hand in hand, hox
ever, the scribes do not always find it cas-,
to collect their hard earned dues, as tn
following literal account of an actual oc
curence in the House of Representative
last week will show. a portly, tlat-hcat!et
specimen Of Missouri Legislative ability
named Gugger, had been industriollsly en-
gagged in reading speech on the Army
Appropriation bill for about ten minutes
when he solemnly growled out the follow
ing sentence:
"And suppose the President does veto
the Army bill:-then, what-ye gods -
what is to prevent him from adding to his
i2famy by tavorinI the insilious scheme OF
the reptile from Louisiana who desires te
impose an additional tax on soap, especi-
ally soft soap? That, gentlemen, is more
than can stand--I am devoted to the soap
boiling interest. Myconstituents are NOR
bidly proud of me as probably the most
eminent and ilIustrious soap boiler of the
present century. My XX brand OF brown
bar is literally unsu passed by"
The Speaker-I call the gentleman to
order. He must do his advertising else
where. This is not cheap auction shop.
Mr.. Guggcr (wlo has been reading
away at his speech, as usual, without the
slightest idea Of what its real author
meant)-"Mr. Speaker Il - that Isl
seems that some mistake will proceed"
and he plunged desperately ahead, in the
hope that it would come out ail right
little further on.
''But why do expose the most sacred
feelings OF my heart, the most treasured
mysteries of my superb factory to the
shallow minds ofthe pyroligeneous ptero-
dactyls see around ne: How can ex-
pect this ten cent menagerie to sympa-
thize with tremendous sensation) my
lovely views. How can hope that yon-
der gibbering ape of Georgia Aoud cries OF
Put him out!'' "Order!!'') or the unlcked
and pie-bald gyascutis from Florda's
muddy shores; or yet that galyanized''-
frightful uprccr ard Tremendous calls for
he Sergeant-at-Arms.)
The Spcakcr-The gentleman from Mis-
souri, is under arrest. This disgracetul-
Mr.. Cooper, of Florida--If the pusiliani
nous scoundrel from Missouri dares-
Mr.. Knott, of Georgia-It the infamous
lar and sneak thief will just step out into
he cloak-room I'll
Mr.. Gugger (frantically appealing to the
'hair)-Mr. Speaker, Mr.. Speaker, I-er-
this is all right. It's only little humor,
ou know. Just-er-some wit, as it were.
til be all right in a minute.
But just then Wild, unearthly laugh
anne from the reporters gallery. which
aused everybody to look mp. Bending
yer the rail and pointing with skinny
niger down at the paralyzed orator was
eheld the attenuated. and inebriated foim |
f a well known hack writer. IL told yer {
lic) I'd get even with yer, an have (hic). 6
eat me outer my coin, will (hic) yer: No. t
rec! Keep on, Gug, ole boy, keep (hic) c
ght long. Yer'll find some bp!ly con /
'ie) nundrums lords the end," and the a
'enger chuckled like hyena digging up Il
dead mule. a
But the orator didn't go on; he tainted a
I'd was carried out by the shuddering f,
embers. I
As may be supposed, tais terrible event
IS thrown gloom over the entire body.
d many of the members have decided to
nd over their speeches beforehand, after
is, even if they have to sit up all night to s.
it, right in the heart of the poker seas q
!, too. u