Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-03-07
VOICES OF TIE NIGHT.
F. u n I.

A young man from the country went to
have toothache stopped. The dentist
advised him to have the tooth taken out,
and assured him that he would feel no pain
il he inhaled LAUGHING gas. "But what Is
the effect Of the gas?' asked the youth.
st simply makes you totally insensible.''
answered the dentist; ''you don't know
anything that taxes place. The rustic
asssnted, but just previous to the gas be-
ing administered he put his hand into his
pocket and pulled out his money. ''Oh
don't trouble about that now" said the
dentist. thinking that he was going to be
paid his fee. Not at all, remarked the
patient; was simply going to SEQ how
much had before the gas took effect"
'.Hark, 'tis the Alpine horn," said >
sentimental hubbard as he lay upon has
back Sunday morning snoring in ssven diff
ferent keys, from G Ill the way up the
staff and half way down again. "Tain't
either-it's the milkman's hc.n,' said the
natter-of-fact wife As she snugged down
in q warm place between the sheets; sand
if you want cream in your coffee you'd
better skirmish around and get The
pitcher"
"3ut ron know, pa" said Q farmers
daughter, xhen he spoke to her about the
addresses of his neighbor's son. 'you know
IA, that M wants mo to marry man Of
culture!'' $50 do l, my dear, SO dol; and
there is no better culture in this country
than agriculture.
Jokes on rnatrimony are tho delight Of
crusty old bachelors. They will appreci.
ate the reported opinion Of . HUSBAND, whe
said: Five or six years Of married lifa
will reane man to such an angelic dispo-
sition that hs could not be trusted
with pair Of WINGS"
A. woman cured her husband OF stay
ing out late at night by going to the
dsor when ho came home and whispering
through the key-hole, SIS that you, Viii
lie?" Her husbands name is John, and
10 stays at home every night now. and
sleeps with one eve open and revolver
under his pillow.
Ask who'll 60 after water?" at z
base ball match, End City urchins VII
poke their heads over the fence. while it
gang Of mon at work on the street AJAX the
question. tho silence is q thick % nolass
~ in cold weather.
..Among what you might call the bride
groomail presents at the recent wedding
of q widow of sixty and young man Of
twenty-iye in Iowa, were several great
grandchildren, tho gift Of the bride.
speaking Of razors,' said tho obsequi-
ous barber. as be rendered change for .
quarter, 81 believe Adam and Eve were
the atst raisers, were they not?" The
customer replied, ssAp-parently."
Long Hill man went to Coney Island
the other DAY with two red-headed Water
bury girls; and everybody thought he waa
the agent for An electric light,nanufactory
travelling with samples.
"Isn't my photograph sxcsllent2" said
. ynunR wife to her husband. "Weli, my
dear. y replied he, '.theres little too much
rsposs about the mouth for it to bs M
turaL'
The happy Newark father. who il rock
ing his son writes to say, 1.-THE reason
cradle him is because he's just IS good =
wheat.r He 8 the family flower probably
Professor-"Mr. h, what are you eat
iayYn Mr.. H feeling in his pocket
"Ve,y sorry, Professor, but that's al lvs
sot .,'-St,deft LIFE.
Stern poverty may compel, but it car
n.x.,r reconcile boy to illustrate his ne
o.s.;ties BY wearing yellow patch on
uair Of black pants.
A Conaecticut man recently said ''Lent
40. a dollar. Ny wife has LETT me and
ant to advertise that am not respoDsl
HE for her debts"
A pair Of lovers will pit up half the aien
and not burn as much kerosene a. th'
samils uses in an hour during The evening
If xenen are really angels, Why don
xh.y Az over the fence instead OF making
such . fearfnlly bad job OF cla1pnlng Z
Pulling ! husbands hair and Leaving
him uupfotsceed et tho polls is known t.
- ~,aaoanns,