Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-03-17

These cool Sunday evenings are weak
eniDg the wood piles of families with
interesting daughters.
Another poor girl has died in Virginia
from the use of tobacco, at the age of
100. She was an orphan.
Don't worry about my going away
darling. Absence, you know, makes the
heart grow fonder." "Of somebody else,"
added the darling.
An old bachelor at wedding feast
had the heartlessness to offer the follow
ing toast: "Marriage-the gate through
which the happy lover leaves his enchant-
ed regions and returns to earth"
A Whitehall, N. Y. young lady at a
camp meeting last fall, requested the
prayers of the assembly because she
could not look upon certain young man
without feeling as though she must hug
him to death.
An exchaege says: at is not good
taste to stay after ten o'clock when vis-
iting young ladies'" Our devil says he
never noticed any difference in the taste
after ten o'clock. He says it's good any
| time.
A Connecticut man insists that he saw
a snake forty feet long and as big round
as barrel of whiskey. A pretty good
sized insect that We have no doubt
that be saw it, but he unquestionably
saw the barrel of whiskey before the
snake. 1t seems more reasonable, some
how.
A young gentleman was yesterday ac-
cusing another of having big mouth.
"Yes," said the other, "but the Lord
had to make yours small so as to give
you plenty of cheek"
Why do women do less scolding in
February than in any other month in
the year? Answer by smart chap who
bangs his halr-"Because it is the
shortest month"
Some people are so averse to seeing
others enjoying themselves that they
will go block out of the way to kick a
pig that they observe scratching its back
| 0SUhhoV ehO wi nOl VI u nOuSC.
A conceited young man, in talking
with an aged clergyman, said, with a
most dogmatic air: Twill never believe
anything which l cannot understand -
The old clergyman mildly responded
"Then, young man, it is probable that
your creed will be very short one.''
An editor is pretty certain to lose a
patron when his foreman inadvertly puts
a marriage notice under the head Of
"Another swindle come to light" The
groom, instead of accepting the blunder
as a new sample of American humor
gets awfully mad, and wants to murder
somebody.-Haaokeye.
Only a woman's hair Who has not,
sometime in his life, picked such gold.
en- thread from his best coat collar, and
felt his heart beat the quicker for it ?
Or gazed upon tress laid away in some
nook, and not felt the influence of tender
memories Only woman's hair and
yet we don't like it in biscuit.
The bar-room journalist stands in the
stores with his back to the stove and
tells how he could run newspaper
how he could be as independent as hog
on the ice, and call things by theil
names; how he would expose corruption
in high places; how he would write good
common sense, and none of your frivo.
lous try-to- funny stuff. Then he
criticizes other peoples methods of con.
Quoting newspapers, and just wishes
some one would give him chance to
show his journalistic ability. The way
to cure one of these chaps is to get him
to write very sensible article every
day for week. Before the week is out
he is sure to be pumped dry. and will
cape worse for an idea than a chicken
does.