The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-10-02
BRTC-If- BIeIC,
First words Of General Grant:
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BRTC-d-BRfC.
First words Of General Grant:
GLOW is my boomW
All tho signcrs Of the Declaration
of independence signed their names
with quill, except one-hc signed
his Withcrspoon.
-"WhaCs eggs this morning?"
eggs, Of course" says the dealer.
"Wcll,' says the customer, 'I'm glad
oft, for the last l bought of you were
all Chickens"
When Il boy Scrapcs little skin
oft his knucklcs while saving wood
for his mother he makes more ado
about it than when he knocks his big
toc-nail offin running to fire. This
is reliable.
That duel between two women
at Union, Tenn, was u sad affair.
Both fired together, and one hit II boy
on tho fence and tho other killed a calf
in a field. Then they pulled hair and
jawcd each other until one tainted
away.-frce Press.
Almost every State in the Amcri-
can Union has a law against carrying
concealed weapons, and every pair Of
pants manufactured from Maine to
California and from the lakes to the
Mexican Gulf, has pistol pocket.
-Cctawayo, as he saw Major Martcr
approaching the Kraal, quietly remark
cd, "l'm not the first king to suffer
Martcrd DOOM" and if it had not hccn
for the prompt arrival Of the British
his own soldiers would have killed
him.
"A man came III yesterday to sell
us q wooden snow shovel, but VIC cX-
planned to him that we didn't expect
there would be any wooden snow this
winter, and couldn't sec rs VIC should
need the article, and he said we wcrc
almost as big an ass as John Kelly
Boston Post:
"A London newspaper relates that
when Frcnchman, who fell over
board from steamer which took the
Golden Club back from Greenwich,
was rescued and returned to the deck,
Il he first thing he courtcously said was
that he hoped he had not kept tho
steamer waiting.
~ Yankee and a Mexican disputed
at Big Springs, Nebraska, as to their
Skill as marEsmcn. "What can YOU
do with that rifle Of yours2" asked the
Yankee snccringly. 'I can shoot The
stone out of that pin on your breast"
the Mexican rctortcu, and did it Incl
dcntally intlicting a mortal wound.
Did you ever notice Il poor chap
that stands in the first picrurc Of the
almanac with the fish and sheep and
scorpions and bulls and twins, etc,
! around him? Did you ever notice he
was naked and had nothing in his
stomach? Well, that poor fellow used
to edit newspaper.
"A man on ArbOr Hill last evening
aimed a gun at his little son (a.bcauti-
full creature with golden hair to his
WaistD and playlrlly threatened to
shoot him. The gun turned out to be
unloadcd. 1t will be placed in the
State Library, as the only weapon Of
| the kind known to American 9'llnncrv.
|-Abany JoHrnaI.
| "A gentleman havin" mounted for
the first time pair Of Eyeglasses, an
old friend remarked, $50 Won have
come to eyeglasses ut last?" "Wcn,
ycs-l put them on occasionally" was
the reply. "Eycs beginning to fail
Kp@, @Gh% "N"' vet vet at tphcn Nv vwasy aaycs
boy, but don't think the light is as
good"
Joe Pcntz took rin to his we'd
ding, at Marks Gap, Texas, the sexton
trlcd to persuade him to leave it at the
door on entering the church, but he
persisted in carrying it across his shoul-
! der as he walked with his bride up the
aisle to the alter rail. His explanation
was that Il rival suitor had threatened
TO Kill him on this occasion, and he
meant to be prepared for defence.
= There was great excitement in
front OF fruit commission house on
south Water street q little after one
O'Clock yesterday afternoon. A party
or dealers ovcrhauling and Investigate
ing large of peaches which had lust
arrived in the market discovered one
basket with the fruit just as good at
the bottom as the top. The error was
rcctlticd and quiet rcstorcd.- Chicago
Journal.
Tho Princess Louise recommends
young ladies to learn to cook. Does
II. IL: II. cook hcrsclf?-N. Y. .lEuiI.
No, she doesn't. She may cook meat
and potatoes and somc Of the fish she
catches, but she doesn't cook
herself. The Marquis Of Lornc likes
hcr best IN araW state. Hc saws she's
sWcctcr that way. Only women who
attempt to kindlc fire with coal oil
cook Observation-Disclosures Her.
0l0.
There was parochial school in q
remot c muirland district Of u southern
Scotch county at which the attendance
had from various causes at one time
awlndlcd down to single sclf-rcliant
boy, and one afternoon, III lull of
scm0ol work, the little fellow looked up
win reflective air and said: "Mais-
ter, think the schule'H no be in thc
morn." "What puts that into your
head, sir?" haughtily inquired the
master, to which the Gallant immcdi-
ately, replied: "Bccause I'll no be
hercW
There will bc no "boom" but
Grants, and the campaign for the
Presidency Of the NicaraurI,nn Canal.