The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-09-06

not love me now as you did before our mar
riage? Wife-Why, of course, Gerald but
you know since our marriage we have be-
come one and feel lonesome without a
second party.
"A precocious youth in North Wheeling,
prompted by an unpleasant recollection of
the last term, says the school teachers are
like dogs, because "they lick your hand"
This carries off the palm.
The three proudest moments ola mans
life between the cradle and the grave, are,
when he gets his first pair of red dtop boots,
when the girls first call him "Mister," and
when the doctor tells him it's boy.
-Chastne Cox wants to be minister, and
perhaps he can be accommodated to the ex-
tent of making his choker white one.
Mrs. jefferson Davis, in referring to the
defunct Mrs. Dorsey, remarks, There was
a womanl what grace what mental pow
er what a will"
Saratoga in the Indian language means
"the region of the big hills" IL plain Eng
lish it means the region of big bills"
"A little bit of baby has his burdens
all the good looking girls kissing him. He
kicks against it now but in after years
well, let him do his own anticipating.
1t seems paradoxical to say that thing
can be bigger inside than out, but ifyou eat
pint of dried apples and drink a quart of
water you'll find that such thing can be.
"A lady in Cincinnati attempted to COM
nit suicide because she could not master
the italian language. 1t does seem hard
that the young ladies of America cannot be
placed IN an equal footing with the organ
grinders.
"A current item aliirms that American
women eat more candy than any other wo-
men in the world. And we wish to remark
that they are sweeter than any other women
in the world, and it isn't candy that makes
them so, either.
81 have nothing butmy heart to give"
said spinster to lawyer who had con-
cluded a suit for her. "Well," said the law
yer, gruffly, go to my clerk he takes the
fees"
From Sitting Bull Esquire, to II. R. II.
King Cetywayo, X. C. B., P. I. Q.:-Ugh
big chef-come to my wigwam-share all
kill white man-play pokcr-drink fire
water. have spoken.
--"This, dear children, is the shoe OF q
Chinese lady; see how little it is, what
very narrow sole it has" "I'll bet it amt
half as narrow as Deacon Smiths. Father
says his soul will fall through a crack in the
floor some day and get lost" was the shrill
comment of q boy given to sharp listening.
"A colored man observed, while in con-
versaton with a friend, 81 dusn' believe in
havin' pardner when you've on'y got a
small business. If you make emmy thing,
why, yer don't git it, and if yer lose, yer
have to lose it ALL" "Jesso," remarked his
companion.
-Agentleman from the provinces went into
the shop of Partisan tailor to order some
clothes. While his measure was being taken
he said TO the sartorial Aristarchus, "You
must find that l am very badly dressed"
"Oh no." replied the artist" you are not
dressed at all; you are simply covered"
"A man climbed tree to the height of
seventy feet, at OlIham, England, drew
crowd Of spectators, among whom was his
wife and daughter, by singing hymns. Then
he took rope from his pocket and said !:
"Good-byj" | have made nice moose, and
now am going to tie the knot" Then he
hanged himself.
"A boy recently came home with his
hair dripping wet, having just come from
the river where he had been swimming.
He was equal to the emergency, and es-
capped busy time with his mother and a
birch sprout by wearily wiping his forehead
and remarking, ats awful hot work hoeing
down there in the gardenw
/ A New York man has been fined $50
for kissing a girl If every man should
be an offender in this line and be thus fined
the courts could soon pay the national debt.
But justice demands that the girl should
pay half the fine.
"A happy-looking married couple were
pointed out, and l was told that the lady
had been married once before. When her
husband died he left a will giving his wild
ow 10000 a year as long as she remained a
widow and all of his fortune if she married
again. For he malieiously added, " / want
N hon ,t,l,, I q.
made me, and he may find some consolation
in my money" The widow was not lon,
in finding another husband, and out Of spit,
to her former spouse makes the present hus
band extremely happy, and the wealth 0
the deceased is an immense factor to tha
end. Women are contrary creatures anC
men don't understand them.
Exception is taken in England to tn,
! manner in which Mr.. Talmage points
r moral. In his lecture on the Bright Sid
of Things" delivered at the Temperance
4 Fete at the Crystal Palace, as an instauc
S Of "the ruling passion strong" he relate,
D the following; "Ah," said man who, wa
o on a sick bed, to his wife, 81 am going L
1 heaven" you'll look very pretty" sal,
r she, ''stuek up in heaven" "Brng me tn
, BROOM" he shouted, "aud let me give yol
! another wallopiug before die"
5 -ln these words spondent latel,
: Introduced piece of poetry to tho notice @
Q the editor Of newspaper "The following
I lines were written fifty years ago by on
r who has for many years slept in his grav
merely for his own amusement"