River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-10-16
Fun

Inc watch LACKS seif-respect; II Il
always trying to run itself down.
No bald-headed man was ever con
verted by sermon during fly season.
A man at church fair the other
night cried out, "I've got the oyster
Gimme the prize.
Emmy man who kan swap horses, Oh
ketch fish, and not lie about it, IL just
about as Plus az men ever git to be IN
this world.
Thegc are still seventy-five ways Of
arranging the hair, but only one de-
scription of hot corn bread.
The old woman who kissed her COW
was no more dizzy than her daughter
who kissed regular calf.
evil you take sumding," said a
German teetotaller to friend while
standing near tavern. 81 don't care if
| do" was the reply. well den, let us
take walk"
Tom Moore traced his decendents
from the ark, as follows: Noah had
three sons, Shem, Ham and one more.
"a Fraud in silks" is the startling
headline in an exchange. Alb went
back on you, did she?-Rockldnd
Coufier.
The English language is inadequate
to express the forlorn feelings of the
boy who thinks he has stolen q dime
novel and finds it to Toe a cook book.
Those wicked boys calling Elijha
" Old bald head" proves that Elijah
was n married man Cincinnati SotHr-
day Night.
1t was an unfortunate mistake of the
compostor to put under the head line
" Reduction in the Price of Gas" the
statement that Mr.--receives only $50
for lecture now, instead of 800 as
formerly.
A little girl was visiting the country,
and for the first time witnessed the
operation of milking. Watching the
proceedings intently for while, she
inspected the COW infinitely, and then
launched the poser, Where do they
put it in?''
A new style of boys trousers has
been invented in Boston, with a copper
seat, sheet-iron knees, riveted down in
the seams, and waterproof pockets to
nOld broken eggs.
A certain Congressman boasts that he
is q sellfmade man" Those who
know him best say that he never did
undertake to make anything without
botching.
A good little boy who was kicked by
mule, didn't say any naughty words
or go home crying to his mother. He
just tied that mule within five feet of
the beehive. backed him into it, and
let him kick.
A saloonkeeper, having started BUSH
ness in place where trunks had been
made, asked friend what he had bet
ter do with the old sign, Trunk Fac
tory" "0h," said the friend, just
change the t to d, and it will suit you
exactly"
The following advertisement appear
ed in an Edinburgh paper =" For sale,
q handsome piano, the property Of q
young lady who is leaving Scotland in
a walnut case with turned legs"
II never turn out for scoundels," said
a bully, meeting Quaker, and stepping
squarely in front of him to inauguTate
a quarrel Il do" said the Quaker,
and placidly took the other side Of the
way.
Snipkins refused to get his wife new
hat; soon after his little girl came in
and said: Mamma, won't you buy me
a monkey to play with when you go
down town." ono darling-wait till
you are older, and then marry one, as
/ did," replied the grief-stficken wife,
her tears bursting forth afresh.
Mother to her daughter, just 7 years
old: what makes you look so sad,
Carrier" Carrie, looking at her baby
brother, three weeks old: 81 was just
thinking, that about ten years from Eow,
when l shall be entertaining company,
and having beaux, that brother of mine
will be just old enough to bother the
life out of me."-P1ck.
A popular concert singer, advertised
to participate in an entertainment IN a
village in Missouri, excused her absence
on the ground of having q cold in her
head, and the next day received the
following from an admireT: This IS
gouse greze. Melt it and rub on the
bridge Of your noze until kured. ! luv
YOU to distraxshun."