davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06
sTATlsTI0s FOR GIRLS.

A young English statistician who was pay
ing court to young lady, thought to surprise
her with his immense erudition. Producing
his notebook, she thought he was about to
indite love sonnet, but was slightly taken
aback by the following question
How many meals do you eat a day ?"
"Why, three, of course but of all the
oldest questions"
"Never mind, dear, l Il tell you all about
it in moment
His pencil was rapidly at work. At last.
fondly clasLing her slender waist
Nov, my darling, I've got it, and if you
wish to know how much has passed through
that adorable little mouth In the last SEVEN
teen years, can give you the exact figures. "
Goodness ! Gracious What can you
mean ? :"
Now, just listen," says he, and you will
hear exactly what you have been obliged to
absorb to maintain those charms which are to
make the happiness of my life."
But don't want to hear"
g. All, you are surprised, no doubt, but sta
tistics are wonderful things"
"Just listen You are now seventeen years
old, SO that in fifteen years you have absorb
ed oxen or calves, sheep and lambs, ID ;
chickens, 3s7 ducks, 304 geese, IL turk
eys, 100 game of various kinds, 1924 fishes,
100 eggs, q, 124 vegetables (bunches), 700
fruit (baskets), 603 ; cheese, 102 bread,
cake, etc, lin sacks of fiour), 40 Z; tea and cof
fee lcups), $4,000 water tgallons), $1,000"
| at this tho maiden rovolted, and jumping
up, exclaimed
az think you are very impertinent, and
disgusting besides, and will not stay to lis
ten to you T" upon which she flew into the
house.
He gazed after her with an abstracted all
and left, saying to himself
elf she kept talking at that rate twelve
hours out of twenty-fou her jaws would in
twenty years travel distance of 1882, 1874
miles"
Tho maiden within two months married a
well-to-do grocer, who was no statistician.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

"NoT AT HoME."--A sign on Crogham
street, informs the public that washing is done
there, and it was quite natural that me-
chanic working near by should take a bundle
under his arm and call there and ask of tho
boy OH the step
Bub. is tho washwoman in? /"
"No, sir was the prompt reply there's
no wasbwoman lives here at ALL
But the sign says Washing done here,
remarked the man.
"'Spose it doesp remarked the boy in
higher key spose it doesa A lady may be
come the victim of unfortunate circumstances
to such an extent that she is willing TO wash
and iron shirts, but that doesn't make wash-
woman of her, does III"
81 thought it did, y said the man.
Humph ifyou draw buggy down TO the
shop to be repaired, does that make horse of
your"
The man was silently turning away when
the boy added:
g If you want to find the lady Of unfortu-
nate circumstances, 60 around to TIE side
door, but the washwoman isn't at home.''
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

"RUrNED BY CAB" MANY an ugly duck,
even when proved to be swan, has failed to
gain recognition in its own barn yard. We
remember once to have had as fellow passen-
gers in stage coach two stock raisers from
Kentucky, neighbors of Henry Clay.
"What's that fellow Clay doing now ? "
asked one.
"Oh, gable as usual--gabble !" the other
replied. Harry had as good stuff for
farmer in him as any man In Kaintuck, and
as good Judgment for mule. He might have
had plantation an been rich man to-day
eff he'd not taken to foolin' with politics. But
the gift of CAB was the ruin of Harry"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06
I'M LIKED AN EAssY FT7.

4sl . ~. = u III q 17
~ 49, 1sgsaoe 1resiey ha'' his OWN ideas
e = = n's,ss : saoe oseat 70 Pc = 4 was al
10Y ~ ~ cared sttie Tor ~ appearance r.
1870. 81 ss' anecs''se 's''ls'ssses h's eccene
~
~ $500 ao'ieu lnpo elae sheeaaksr's
sso. win sAse heavy oshowy sort OF gait ho
Aa. ''' 1o"n' ~ = esreelssr sad ths shoe
~
ss sosss up WIS ehae broad, wen-
s0'"'a, hsl- enhahke iooKr ane saias " hyr
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

Too MucH OF AN ARGUMENT. IA writer in
a religious paper thinks that the craze for BIZ
and says: Think of President Hayes or
President Porter of Yale College on a bicy-
clel" To this the Albany Journal responds
s'This sort of argument long ago ceased to
impress. Think of Mrs. Hemans running
with fire engine, of Longfellow in blue over
alls clerking in retail grocery, of Raphael
selling oranges three for quarter, or st.
Pail playing croquet. You can't think of It.
can you9 But Because you can't, shall not en-
gines be run, groceries be kept, or oranges be
vended, or croquet be played2 Goto, thou
foolish paragraphs"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

Barnum is now near his roth year, but Is as
active as ever. He has been in the show bus
ness for A years, but still feels that he has
something to learn. His wealth Is estimated
at two millions, all of which be has made dur
ing the past 20 years, as he failed in 1857,
owing to heavy endorsements.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

A little boy tumbled into barrel of molas-
SEES. He was fished out by gentleman who
said : Boy, what is Your name, and how
do you feel 2" The lads reply was, " Short
and sweet" The gentleman remarked that
he was in hurry, and could only stop long
enough to assure the lad that he stood fair
show of being President some day.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

A notice in a Western newspaper ends as
follows " The captain swan ashore. So did
the chambermaid; she was insured for fifteen
thousand dollars, and loaded with iron."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

A girl in St. Louis made an awful mistake
the other day. She married a man under the
impression that he was her fathers COACH
man, and he turned out to be Mexican no.
bleman. She pronouuces him to be shining
fraud and wants divorce. For once unmar-
ried foreign nobility is at discount In this
country
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

The moro people do the moro they can do
He that does nothing renders himself lncapa-
Bile of doing anything. While we are cxecut-
ing one work, we are preparing ourselves to
undertake another.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

The surgeon had prescribed bath for
soldier who was little ailing, and ordered
that he be conducted to an adjoining estab-
iishment by sergeant. At the end of an
hours waiting at the bathroom door, the ser
geant, hearing no noise, entered the room and
found the iopldier seated by the side of tho
bath-tub. Je water was as 1t was when BIO
went into the$6om, except that its level had
been percepti)ly lowered. "Ma fol, SER
geant," said the soldier, "you may put me
in the guard house If you want to, but can't
drink another drop" French Newspaper.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

An Indiana lady writes "No true and
devoted husband will feel 1t degrading to help
his wife prepare meal, rock baby or wipe
the dishes, and also to throw IN few loving
words of announcement between times"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

The father of the first monkey born at the
Philadelphia Zoo is dying. He is over fifty
years old, is stopped, wrinkled, toothlcss and
BALI blind. --[Exchapge J What is his phys.t>
clan thinking about that he doesn't riSspi
mend him to take sea voyage for the beneats
of his health? Give the old man chance
Norristopn Herald. ~
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

Seventy vessels from five to seventy tons
burthen, with $50 men, are now engaged in
the Key West sponge trade.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

The man who goes to church simply be-
cause he has nothing else to do may not be
heather, but he is certainly an idle worship
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

i A crust of bread with contentment there
with is better than q dish of strawberry ice
cream with sore tooth.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

"Landlady " said he, the coffee is not
settled" "No," sho replied, !" but It comes
as near It as your last months board bill
does;" and that man never spoke again dur
ing the meal--Syracnse Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

Mamma. is the ridicule very bad to have p
"What do you mean, Georgia." Why,
mamma, Rosy Green says Dora Dow was ex-
posed to 1t three weeks ago. and it's high
timo II broke out 1"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

A farmer on the shores of Lake Ontario has
had nine acres washed away in twenty years.
He is evidently losing ground.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

An Arkansas genius has invented bottle
which has cork at both ends. AS Arkansas
Is a Democratic State may Heaven pity the
corks.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

Many men claim to be firm in their princ'-
pies, when, really, they are only obstinate ia
their prejudices.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

The first cigar that boy smokes teaches
him more about true inwardness than all the
metaphysics of after years.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1879-08-06

This is the time of the year when the SEN
timental youth names row-boat after his
girl, and has it painted green.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02

From all parts Of the country reports
come or the Immense sales and increasing
demand for that deserylhgly popular Sew
ing Machinea The Old and Reliable .STAE-
DAkRD,' the price of which, the proprietors
wisely reduced to- $40 including all the at
taalnments. and Mt once secured for them 4
popularity among the people, far beyond
that ever yet attained by any other ma
chine at any price, the consequence of which
y agents are leaving the old highpriced ma
chimes, and seeking territory forIthe NSTAay-
DARD.' Knowing from experience that
with the best goods nv the lowest price they
can ontsell all other. Machines, where the
superior quality and low price Is made
known. This splendid Machine combines
all the improvements. 1t is far ahead OF all
others In beauty and durability Of its work,
ease al management. light running and GER
tainty of operation, Is sensibly made upon
sound principles; with positive working
parts all steel, and can be safely put down as
the very perfection OF a Serviceable Sewing
Machine, in every particular, that will out
last any Machine, and at a price far down
below any other. 1t is thoroughly warrant
I'd for five years. Kept in order free OF
charge. And sent to any part OF the Counv
try for examination by the customer before
payment of the bill. We can predict equal
iy as large q demand for them in this Sec
ton as in others. Families desiring the best
Machine manufactured should write direct
to the factory. And enterprising persons
wishing to seize the chance should apply for
SO desirable an agency. See advertisement
IN another part of this paper. Address. Stan
dard machine CO.. Cor. Broadway and Clin-
ton Place, New York. 20 ".
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02

FOR BUILDING A BRIDGE OVER
SMITH RIVER.

Sealed proposals will bereceived at the County
Clerk 70 Office up to Monday. january s., 1879, at -
O'Clock m. of that day, tor the furnishing Of mate
rial and che building 81 q bridge across Smith river,
In Red Till canyon, near Camp Baker, Said bridge
to consist Of q single span forty (4O) feet in length,
ings on slid ground to the water on each side of
the river. The abutments to be filled to q level
with the floor of the bridge, seven and one-half
Il 1-2) feet above the water. 1t will be necessary
for those making bids to visit the site and consult
the plan and specifications and draft which have
Clerk for the Inspection of those making bids.
BY order of the board.
r. Il. COLLINS, Clerk.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
TO MINERS.
United States Land Office

Helena, Montana, December 26, 1878.
Duane Doggett, whose post office address Is Dia-
mond City, Meaghcr county, Montana, has this day
filed his application to enter as agricultural land.
northeast quarter. and east half Of the northwest
quarter, section 10, in township No. 8 north. range
No. 2 east. which land is suspended from entry.
Notice is hereby given that a hearing will be had
at this Office on the 3Oth day of January, A. D.,
1879, at 10 O'Clock q. M. to determine as to the
testimony to be used upon said hearing will be
taken before the Register and Receiver on the soth
day of January, A, d. 1879. Mt 10 o'clock a. m. 1t
is alleged there are no known miners, nor mining
improvements npon said land.
s j.. III. MOE, Register.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
\1OTICE TO MINERS.
United States Land Office,

Helena, Montana, December IA, 1878.
John Edmunson, whose post office address, Is
Beaver creek, Jefferson county, N. 4. has this day
filed his application to enter as agricultural land,
4, s, and s, of sec. 26, and lot No. l, SEQ. IS, in
township No. 9, north range No. | E which land
is suspended from entry. /.
Notice is hereby given that a hearing will be had
at this Office on the 18th day Of january, A. D.
1879, at 10 O'Clock a. M, to determine rs to the
mineral or non-mineral character of said land, and
testimony to be used upon said hearing will be taken
before the Register and Receiver on the 2sth day OF
January, 4. d. 1879, at 10 O'Clock a. m 1t is Al
legged there are no known miners, nor mining inn
provements upon said land.
6 j. IA. MOE, Register.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
THE DAIR Y.
FOOD FOR WINTER MILK.

Food of a succulent nature seems best
It has been supposed that the best favored
milk could not be produced from dry food,
and that as milk contains eighty-seven per
cent. of water, it requires food composed in
a large proportion of liquid to produce 1t.
The best argument in support of this is thai
nature furnishes this succulent food during
summer, when the largest quantity of milk
is produced, and that 1t is always safe to
initiate nature. An important quality of
succulent over dry food is its greater digest
ability. A. larger percentage of the food
contained in grass is digestible than after
the same grass has been dried into hay.
In the present stage of agriculture in the
west, it would be labor lost to attempt to
substitute the root crop for its great staple,
Indian corn. Yet even there a small guam
tity of roots may he profitably grown, to be
used as a healthful change of food in VIM
ter. And, as the west is just now reaching
after the profits and. laurels Of dairying, and
not only successfully competing with the
east, but beating her in her own market on
the price of "gilt-edge" butter, the west
may well afford to study the root crop as a
further means Of continued success. The
mangel wurzel may be produced upon her
soil at a rate of twenty to forty tons per
acre; and, If we allow eleven per cent. to be
digestible food, it will give from AGO to
$500 pounds of digestible food upon one
acre, excluding water and woody fibre.
But if we call the average twenty-five tons
per acre, then we shall have an average of
$500 pounds of digestible food upon an
acre. Now forty bushels of corn is large
average per acre for the best of corn states
OF the west; and if we allow forty-four
pounds per bushel as digestible dry food,
we shall have 1,760 pounds of digestible
food upon an acre. or more than three times
as much dlgestible food from the margels
as from the corn.
Mangels and sugar beets will produce an
excellent quality of milk in fact, they may
be considered as the best grass laid up for
winter. These roots, as well as carrots, are
greatly to be desired as winter food for
milch cows. In rich, light soils excellent
crops may be obtained by drilling in the
seed on a well prepared surface, twenty
four inches apart, Good varieties are
Webb's Mammoth and Norbiton's Giant,
which are red, and North and K,nser Globe
which are yellow. Mangels yield on an av-
erage about forty tons per acre.-Natioaal
Live Stock Journal.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
TO MINERS.
United States Land ONCE,

United States Land Office,
Helena, Montana, Dec. 3, 1878.
Philip Miller, whose post office address is Camp
Baker, Meagher county, M. T., has this day hied
the pre-emption laws, the Northwest quarter sec
ton IA, in township No. 10 north, range No. 4
east. which land is suspended from entry.
Notice is hereby given that q hearing will be had
at this Office on the 10th day of January, A. D.
1879, at 10 O'Clock a. m, to determine as to the min
eral or non-mineral character of said land, and tes-
timony to be used upon said hearing will be taken
before the Register and Receiver on the 10th day of
January, A. D. 1879, at 10 O'Clock n. m: 1t is al
legged there are no known miners, nor mining inn
provements, upon said land.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
Of Dissolution Of Partnership,

Tho paxnership heretofore existing between the
undersigned, under the firm name OF Holland, Nc
Kean & CO., is this day d~issplved by mutual con-
sent. All persons who are Indebted to the UNDER
signed are notified to come forward and settle i'm.
mediately with 4. j. Holland, who is authorized
to settle Ill debts due to and by the firm.
Nov. 10, 1878. Al Holland,
b. s.. Mexican,
Jas. b. Thompson,
Ed. G. Murphy.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
TO MINERS.
United States Land Office,

Helena, Montana. November IL, 1878. {
Erwin Collier, whose postofAce address is Bea-
yer Creek, Jefferson county, Montana Territory.
has this day fled his application to enter as agricul-
w half of the S Z quarter; and the s half of the S
w quarter section 26 in township No. 8 north range
No, east, which land is suspended from entry.
Notice is hereby given that a hearing will be had
at this office on the 3Oth day of December, A. ID.
1878, at 10 O'Clock a. M, to determine as to the
mineral or non-mineral character of said land, and
testimony to be used upon said hearing will be taken
before the Register and Receiver on the Both day Of
December, A. d. 1878, ut 10 O'Clock a. m. It Is al
legged there arc no known miners, nor mining i'm
provements, upon said land.
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
C. S. KELLY, D. D. S.
Helena
Broadway,
DENTIST.

SPECIALITY: Correcting Irregularities of the Natu-
raj eeth, restoring decayed parts with Porcelain
and Gold; making Artificial Teeth with continuous
Porcelain Gum. Ally
Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1879-01-02
United States Land Office,

United States Land Office,
Helena, Montana, Nov. Il, 1881
VIM. RAIDER, whose post office address is White
sulphur Springs, Meagher county, NJ. T., has this
DAY filed his application to enter as agricultural
land, under the homestead laws the lots No. |, q.
3 and 4 dissection No. 4, in township No. 8 north,
range No. 7 cast, which land is suspended from
entry.
Notice is hereby given that a hearing: will be had
at this office on the Both day of DecemAer, AID. 1878,
at 10 O'Clock Il. m. to determine as to tire mineral or
to be used upon said hearing will be. aaken before
William Gaddis, a Notary Puplic, mt Camp Ra-
ker, Montana Territory. on the 18th d,sg, of Decem-
ber, A. d. 1878, at 10 O'Clock a. m. 1t is alleged
there are no known miners, nor mining impraye.
mcnts, upon said land, j. H. MOE, Register.
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-06-18

To he Editor of the National Republican:
SIR: The Court of Claims has concluded the
trial of cases for the year, leaving the usual
accumulation of judgments against the Gov
ernment. But there is now no provision
whatever for their payment, aud Congress is
about to adjourn without making any.
Parties have been forced into this court to
establish their rights, and, after the usual de-
lays and great expense, have at last obtained
judgments in their favor. Can anything be
moro unfair or dishonest than to refuse to pay
these claims now that they are due ? And yet
that Is just what the appropriation committees
OF both Houses have done The Secretary of
the Treasury submitted statement to Mr..
Atkins of the amount required to pay judg-
ments actually rendered, aud clause pro-
viding for them could easily and properly be
incorporated in any of the appropriation bills
pending, but IL has been refused. 1t should be
remembered that unappealed judgments bear
no interest, and the gross injustice of this
failure to provide for their payment will be
better understood.
II no provision is now made for them they
will remain unpaid till the end of the next ses-
sion OF Congrcss--probably more than year
longer. In the meantime the poor suitors land
| some of them are suCh) may suffer for the very
necessities Of life, while the Government, With
out honesty or reason, holds money that is lie.
gally and equitably theirs.
Senator Rollins made worthy effort to rem.
edy this evil the other day in the Senate, but
the solid majority vote, backed up by a reck'
/ less misstatcmcnt OF Senator Beck, was too
much for him. The latter stated that a gen
eral appropriation to pay such judgments had
never been made, whereas up to the time ol
the Forty.fourth Congress there was large
standing appropriation for this purpose, which
| is certainly the only honest and proper way to
provide for them. The other course-of ap
! proprating one year in detail for judgments
rendered the year before-practically reduces
the court to a mere claims committee aud ell
tails great and unnecessary hardship on indi-
| viduals. 1t is not too late now to remedy this
Will not some Democratic statesman, having
the honor Of the Government and the interests
of humanity ut heart, secure an amendment tC
the judicial bill or some other measure to pay
these debts? Is it not nearly time that the
special custodians Of the peoples liberties
should show some substantial and honest re
gard for the peoples rights? Respectfully
&c, A MEMBER OF THE BAR.
National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-06-18
PERSONAL.

CHARLES FITz, of New Orleans, Is at the st. James.
=GESERAL VAN VLEET is registered at the Riggs
House.
DIR. WERTK Elm, of Amsterdam, amd wife are at
the Arlington.
DIR. WILLIAM GREEN and wife, of Baltimore have
rooms ut the Ebb!tt House.
Hos. V. l.. RussELI of North Carolina, is regis
tered at the Ebbtt House.
GOVERNOR GEORGE +. DREW of Florida, L. among
the guests ut the Ebbitt House.
Hos. Is. +, MYERS, Pennsylvania, and General
John r. Averil were among the arrivals NJ the MI
iiUnal yesterday.
Mrs. LOWELL is the puiatyc author Of "lngomar.
Now q correspondent wants 10 know who is Mrs
Lowell. We give up
JAMES BLELOCH, Philadelphia W. r. Drew, Dis.
uiCt OF Columbia, and william L. Dixon, New
York, are at the Riggs House,
X.PosTMAsTrR-GENER HoRATlo king has been
invited ~ deliver the address ut the centennial an
niversaly Of the founding Of Paris, Me-, where h,
was born.
ApyCEs from Buffalo are to the effect that Hon
X. " Pierce. NJ C still remains very ill,with hopes
however, of his recovery. lie viii not be in hi'
scat again this session,
y. MAoKISNoN, ontario; Miss NJ. A, Forncy, Ala
bama, James II. Newton and wife, HolyOkc, Mass.
aud NJ. c. Manson, Beaufort, n. c.. registered a.
the Metropolitan Hotel yesterday.
j. L. SMITH, Baltimore, Md. William II. Blair
Pennsylvania: A. &. Finley, West Nigghin; Mis-
~ +. Finley, West Virginia; j. Eggle.tuu IT,, Yves
Virginia; John Wilkinson and wife Annapolis
! Md; II, w. Lambert, rttsburg Pa; X. iIauf and
wife, ST Mary, la, and r. ;. Robinson pil,sburg
| IA, registered at the -, James yesterday.