Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1879-05-28
HumOrsOme Waits.

"WHEN is man coward 7" asked q
teacher. "When he runs away from a cow"
answered pupil.
ARE Strawberries really as sour as they
look to be This is a question for million
aires only.-Neo Hauen Register.
The Cincinnati Commercial does not be-
lieve that an apple caused the fall of Adam;
but thinks that it might have been an or
ange or banana peel
AN Irish crier at Ballinsloe being ordered
to clear the court, did so by this announce
ment "Now, then, all ye blackguards that
isn't lawyers must lave the coort."
A RICH New Yorker is so fearful that his
daughter may marry coachman that he
has taken her and started for China. But
he must remember there is Cochin-China
| too.
MAMMA" Now, Arthur, be a good boy,
and take your medicine, or mamma will be
very angry" Arthur (after mature delibera-
| tion)-"I would rather mamma was very
angry"
| "MR. JONES, you must come into my room
soon and see my lovely baby" said fond
mother to fellow-lodger. "Thank you. /
heard him all last night" was the equivo-
cal reply.
1 ~
| asked for the ground floor of a house was
somewhat steep told the janitor so. "Well,
ye-es; perhaps it is high, but then there is
an elevator"
A DIVINE passing fashionable church
on which new spire was being erected was
asked how much higher it was to be. "Not
much; that congregation don't own much
higher in that direction"
WupN n uo,nan rynao v;o;ttno aha ,v.ut.
shoes fully two sizes too small; but it's as
founding what deal Of comfort the same
woman can extract from pair of slippers
three sizes too large in her own house.
THAT was clever Oakland boy, who when
garden, hid two-bit piece in it, and then
told all the boys in the neighborhood. The
next morning the ground was pulvsrized
two feet deep.-San Francisco Post.
adm you ever" asked brother humorist
of Josh Billings, "stand at the hall door
after your lecture, and listen to what the
people said about it as they passed out p"
Replied Josh, al did-once," Ga pause and
a sigh y" but I'll never do it again p'
NERVOUS little Rob R. was nearly fright
ened into fits one day when bunglinp old
Parson Pew, in his hard, unsmiling way,
with voice like thunder asked him sud
emily, who made the world in six days
and rested the seventh 2" al did" screamed
the child, bursting into tears "but-In
never-do so-any moreW
Two old Texas rangers, who had Just
helped bury neighbor, were talking about
religion, and one asked the other how pious
he thought it was possible for man to get
in this world, if he was in real earnest.
, "Wa'al," said the other, refectiyely, al
think ef man gets so't he can swop steers
; or trade horses without lynn, at he'd better
| pull out for the better land afore he has a
, relapse"
, WHILE man was dashing with all his
7 might and main down Cortiandt street 10
l catch a train one day last week, a gamin
! rushed after him and shouted aHey, mis-.
/ ter, have you got pin ?" 81 have" re
sponded the man, coming to sudden halt
and feeling under the lapel of his vest
swell them" yelled the boy, as he jumped
: out of the way, "you had better fasten your
: ears together behind your head SO as you
? won't smash any swingin' signs with EN-" /"
, The pedestrian passed on unheedful Of the
!, advice given him.