Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-07-04
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A man owes his success in his lifework
to the woman who walks beside him.
Yonkers Gazette. More likely to the wo-
man who walks behind him and pushes
him ahead.-New Haucn Register. Now,
it's our notion that no man would have
been much of success without the aid of
the woman who married his father, due
allowance being made for step-D1others.
A teacher asked one of her class what
was the first line of the piece of poetry
which described Daniels feelings on being
cast into the lions den. The youngster
was posed. The teacher said: "Come,
come," sharply. Thereat the boy exclaim-
ed, hurriedly: 81 know, miss: it was
"Good-Bye, sweetheart, goodbye"
show long will it be before you get this
work done2'' said lady to an apprentice
who was painting her house on Third
street. swell. don't know ma'am,"
said he. 1.-THE boss has just gone to look
for another job. If he gets it, I'll be done
tomorrow; but if he don't I'm afraid it'll
take me all next week.
A lock of mans hair In lady's fin
gers before marriage indicates that sigh
ing lover is thinking Of her; but lock of
q mans hair in lady's fingers after mar.
riage. is as surely indicative of yelling
chap, as the yell of agony when the owner
says: Jerusalem, Marian, let go Ouch
Golly, don't pull SO -
A tramp applied to lady for something
to eat. "Why don't you 60 to work ?''
she asked. "There's nothing doing at my
trade just now" ''What is your bust
ness?'' "Holding election tickets on the
street corners.''
A man in the west end guarantees an
infallible cure for consumption for the
trifing sum of one hundred dollars. This
amount of course includes the price Of the
coffin and other funeral expenses.
A Michigan girl coaxed her lover to take
her carriage riding, and the horse ran away
and killed her. Showing this paragraph
to the girls will be thousands of dollars in
the pockets OF our young men.
These are the days when the sweet girl
graduate of female seminary wriggles
into huckster shop and blandly orders
sstwo punches of sparrow grass. 'oLock-
port Union.
A man in Illinois committed suicide by
drowning, lately, in six inches of water.
He couldn't have done it long, but his
wife with that self-sacrificin g devotion of
her sex, sat on his head.
The lover who vows that he is willing to
die for the object of his choice means no
more than the man who borrows five dol
lars and agrees to ''drop around to-mor-
row."
An Illinois man, writing to the clerk of
the supreme court of the State for Ii
cense to practice law, said: '.If you have
two sizes send me the largest one."
If it handn't been for friendly tree at
the second Bull Run we should now have
been getting decorated with the other fell
lows.-Cons. Advertiser
Profound thought by statesman: .'If
you want to hear anything good said of
you in your life time, circulate a report
that you are dead.''
Old Blazer keeps private tumbler at
the saloon he patronizes, marked ''Busi-
ness Hours SO he can say he only drinks
out Of business hours.
There is boy in Kanakee SO exceedingly
bright that his mother is obliged to use a
piece Of smoked glass when she looks at
him.
No man thoroughly understands the SOL
emn grandeur of floor crack until be tries
70 pick pin out of it with his fingers.
You probably have noticed that a fly
uever expresses positive opinion on any
subject; he simply specks so.
Chicago kills moro hogs than any other
city, and she probably has many more
hogs who need killing.
II you have little pig, you can give it
awhey and still keep it. This is curdling
joke.
The man who was lost in slumber proba-
bly found his way out on nightmare.
Money that bank officers get away with
IL charged to running expenses.
A young man with his first goatee may
q. ..;a a hon a f1,ff time of it,