River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-04-24
Mr.. KrOeger's Hand Organ.

After the grinder had tortured Spring,
Gentle Spring" TO a close, and bad shout
dered his organ to go in quest OF further
pecuniary triumphs, Mr.. hroeger spoke
up, and said:
"Did YOU ever hear of the hand-organ ]
got up, not many years agO2'
Never; let's hear about it"
We'll, it was phonetic hand organ.
I had heard celebrated vioiinists draw
such simple words as yes and, mamma
out of their instruments, and | thought
would Try and get up something winch
would say 'ubiquitous,' 'antithesis.' and
'almoner' and other respectable words.
At first wasn't very successful, but l
persevered and success crowned my eff
forts. had the words set to music, and
all Rad to do was just TO grind them
out. Bv pushing in one stop aud pulling
out another, the whole thing would be
changed / used TO 60 around and play
Mark Twain's Jumping Frog to airs from
Lucia and one of Evarts' long speeches
10 the tune of Old Hundred. l also re-
produced the songs OF birds, and fire.
quentIy. when l was performing, an
oriole would fly down and try to mate
with the and-organ.
III gotup special hand-organs, too. For
Instance. | had one loaded with Black
stone, and when young law students were
too lazy to read they would purchase an
organ and hire bootblack to grind II
out to them while they would lie back
in their chairs and smoke cigarettes.
They used TO be enabled 10 hear 'Nix0n's
Digest 'Chitty on Contracts and the
Revised Statutes, set to the tripping airs
of 'Pinafore and Belle Helene.
Wasn't your idea someth r9 in the
photograph line2'
Not at all--not at all!'' responded
Mr.. Kroeger, coloring up as though he
had been accused of apPropriating some
one else's thunder; "the phonograph re-
produces; nv organ produces sounds
over as long as it is properly creased.
used to collect uncollectable bills too.
There was an old man named Ciup, who
borrowed So from me once, and l could
never make him shekel out to me; so /
rot mad, wrote a song about him and
had it set to an alluring tune. The last
verse went something like this:
There IS a man named Andrew Clup
To creditors says, NO, sir"
He always fails TO shekel up
His butcher and his grocer.
His ignorance Ofdcbts is gay;
All, nothing could be vaguer;
Now, Mr. Clup, you'd better pay
That you owe to kroeger.
az PLAYED this in all the fashionable
thorougfares, and right in front of his
house, one summer evening, when all the
windows were open, and bis dwelling
was full of company. | was paid on the
spot. believe could have taken up
church collection with that organ, if
only had a chance
odd you ever do anything else whit
your musical machinel"
81 fancy / did. When Bob BuIdette
was here lectu-ing on the Rise and Fall
of the Moustache,' Ind Shorthand re-
porter take the whole thing down for me.
Then had it put into an organ. Yes,
had everything, including tie lecturers
awe-inspirIng monotone. Tnen | went
round delivering it for $40 night and
expenses. Everybody rOared when |
came out, pstted the organ fondly on the
back and introduced it as the Hawkeye
humorIst When Bob heard of it he was
wild. He swore vengence, and every
time he comes East am obliged to visit
nv uncle in Quebec.
II once got up talking piano; every
time you'd strike key word would fly
up III your face. 1t vas regular una
brldged musical dictionary. l taught
every one in the house to play on it, and
il made terrible noise. On Sunday
morning my mother would sit down be-
fore it and play such a tune as this:
Hey. there, folks! It's time to get up;
breakfast is getting cold" 1t used to
save her lungs. And then bashful lovers
used TO play things to each other that
they were too bashful to utter. / used
to make uprights and all kinds of pianos,
and had tiowery certificates from all the
leading artists and artistes of the day.
1t was a grand thing l think have
map Of 1t somewhere around the house.
Ill just step up and look for it."
Then he went up stairs and his auditor
opened the window, jumped out and ran
for his life.