, 1879-05-17
DiverSitfcS.

The best medicine for sick man is to
back him up against a mule That ami
NAL Will heel him
Perhaps England never will whip the
Zulus till she imports some of our war he
roes to take charge of her troops.
A California editor invested in a mule,
and the fact was chronicled by his contem-
poraries under the heading, Remarkable
instance of self-possession.
The victory won by the racer Parole
served to soften the bitterness of defeat
our glorious country sustained at the
hands-or rather legs-of Rowell.
1t is reported that Eli Perkins has given
$500 to the emigrating negroes. If this
report was authorized by Mr.. Perkins it
will be received very dubiously by the
public.
An Eastern editor wrote: ave are
living at this moment under despotism,
aid his opponent kindly explained: ''Our
contemporary means to say he has lately
got married
A choice of evils: Mamma Now,
Arthur, be good boy, and take your
medicine, or mamma will be very angry.
Arthur (after mature deliberatiOn)-''I
would rather mamma was very angry"
New Orleans has had no circus this
year The goats are weary waiting for
the picture of horses on tine fences, and
so they dine ON lace curtains or whatever
among a weeks washing looks tender and
inviting.
Flower Venier -"Buy bunch of vio-
lets for a pennyl" Crusty Old Gent
"No, no get away l want no violets- -"
Flower Vender-'Then p'raps yer'd low
me to present yer wi one for yur and
some civality."
"What rough fellow that Sniggins
is !" petulantly exclaimed the Hopedale
girl after a struggle with the aforesaid
Sniggins. "He nearly smothered HE :"
"And did you kiss him for his smother"
asked The other miss, naively.
am called grassy butter tub,
Bald-headed butter-tub,
And indeed there is good reason why,
For I'm the strong butter-tub
Scanty haired butter tub,
Odorous butter-tub, L.
A pretty girl "out west" told her beau
that she was mind-reader "You don't
say SO - he exclaimed ''Can you read
what's in my mind :" ayes" said she,
"you have it in mind to ask me to be
your wife, but you re just little scared
at the idea" Their wedding cards are
out.
II contributors would fold manuscripts.
and never-no, never roll them, one
fruitful cause of death among editors,
printers and proof-readers would be re-
moved. The manuscript that brings Joy
to our sancrum is that which is written
on halfsheets of note paper, sent fiat, in
an envelope of suitable size.
A father said to all old acquaintance
who came to condole with him on the un
manageablcness of his two Sons, who had
committed burglary in the next town,
and had been sentenced to prison at
is pretty rough on me to have them both
90 TO onct, but there is one thing to it -
when it Comes night now, you know where
them boys b."
Two countrymen were looking at 4
watch marked down" in show window,
which, among other virtues, showed TIE
day of the month, day of the week and
phases of the moon. ''Pooh You call
that much of thing p said one "Where
l i've You can buy watch, and the hour
hand will mark the daily stock quotations,
the theatre programme and your wash
list"
That was a very polite and obliging
man mentioned in the Chico (Cal. } Enter
prise, who, on putting up at hotel in
that town, found upon his bedroom table
a note, evidently written in femisine
hand, requesting him to leave his door
unlocked He did so. Upon rising in
the morning he discovered that he had
been robbed of S7G in money and watch
Judge to witness '.How do you know
the defendant is a gentleman did you
ever visit at his house Z" ''NO, sir.
"Did you eyer see him at the bedside of
the sick and sufiering2" ~No, sir "
''Have you an intimate acquaintance with
him Z" "No, sir "Have you any ac-
quaintance with him| ''No, sir; but
he wears the longest ulster with the big
gest plaids in it of any man up our way.
Ida Greeley Smith and Gabrielle Gree
ley unite in card to the New York pa
pers, in which they say that the income
from their respective estates has doubled
within the past year and that ''the previ-
Gus improvement in the income from OUT
property was chiefly due to the advice and
management of one who holds near po-
sition to rs both and who, greatly to our
sorrow, has been unjustly accused of
squandering what he has fostered and
preserved.
An unhappy man who had been run
over was carried into the police station,
where the surgeon examined him and
said Its mercy that the wheels passed
over him so rapidly as they did, for if the
carriage had beeE going slowly there
would have been no hope of his recovery
hone whatever" Precisely" said the
radiant hackman, desirous of backing up
his favorable opinion as strongly as possl-
bic ''when 1 saw the gentleman crossing
the street little ahead of me, instead of
pulling mp the horse I just gave him a
crack sith the whip and yelled Get up
there And that's how l saved the gen
tleman's life"
THE Washington Post says; Minister
Taylor is dead; Minister Maynard is visit
ing relations in Massachusetts, Minister
Stoughton is travelling some where IN
Europe for his health; Minister Lowell
has applied and has received a leave Of