St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-04-18

OF Gne carcass. As to using it as a
means of lOcomOtion, that was not to
thought Of; as professional man |
could never have ridden the creature
to my office, and even in the park he
would probably have been objected to,
so in the end gave him to the ZoolOgi-
cal Gardens, the committee of which
would have made me fellow of the
society, only l happened to be so al
ready. That was sad business.
'Ihen again there were the alligator
pears (that is not their real name, but
1t is what the London fruiterers call
them, who sometimes exhibit them in
their shops). They come from Madeira,
and, hear are thought very highly of
by the Islanders. One of my orphans,
who is resident there on account of a
delIcacy of the chest, sent me one win
ter half hundred of them. He said
they were peculiar : which / could
have believed without that statement
from the context of his letter, for he
added, they should be eaten with
bread-and butter and pepper They
looked like immensely huge green figs
very ripe. When you cut into them
there was an enormous kernel, hard as
stone, lying in mash or squash of
what looked like black and yellow
cream. 1t was this cream we were ex-
pected to spread upon our bread-and-
butter like marrow. Hunger, they say,
will tame lion but give me the al
tentative of human flesh or an alligator
pear, and l should prefer the former.
There was one virtue about these pears,
which, although a negative one, L have
learned to appreciate in gifts of food
from foreign parts; although it. had
every appearance of being in an ad-
ranced state of decomposition, it did
not smell.
"The most terrible present, however,
| have ever received was from the West
Indies. 1t came from an orphan, who
had greatly prospered in the world
and who, thinking himself to be under
great obligations to me, must have
wished to pay them off at one swoOp.
| he sent me Il Iacking-case of goods so
large that it might come from the West
Indies alone like the Cleopatra Needle)
without being shipped at all. For some
reason unknown to me Gt was too
large, perhaps, to he got ont of the
gates), it was stopped and opened at
ut the docks, the authorities of which
sent me the following official memo
randum:
"'Several articles have been con-
signed to you from st. kits, w. l.,
which await here your esteemed orders :;
they comprise cask Qargc) of pine
apples, and three live turtle, one of
them dead. Another seems to be in an
ailing state. We would recommend
your sending tor the above. The dock
dues are as per enclosed
"The last item was very consider
| able; but one must not (thOught ~
look IL gilt-caSk in the bung-hOle and
then the turtle ut Il guinea pint would
pay their own expenses and those of
the pIne-apples too. | was partial to
tuItle and also to pine apple, and the
notion of the whole animal being CON
signed to me i'll one case ; and of a cask
| (large) III the other, tlattered my sense
of fSelf-impOrtance. 1t was only in ac-
eordance with the fitness of things that
such dainties Wholesale
81 let my clients run loose that morn
ing, took il hausom to to the docks nv
self, in order to inspect my property
| had some difficulty in finding it, by
| the-bye, when l reached the docks
it is not only the law, let me tell you,
which is hedged about with forms and
technicalities, and requires fabrication
golden ointment-for its wheels.
However, | found it at last portion
of 1.-THE dead turtle-I could have
identified ut some distance. No. had
also died by that time, but was com
paratively fresh, though of course un-
eatable. The third turtle WAS the most
diminutive of its kind | ever saw III
my life. Even at Il guinea Il pint |
didn't think its soup could have been
worth more than even-and-siXpence
1t was more like one of those tOrtoises
that are sold in the streets for nine
pence apiece. However, though Il
small thing, it was my own, and
brought il to my office in the hanson,
on my lap, to the astonishment of the
neighborhood, which is legal.
The pine-apples | directed to be
sent home by parcels delivery, but the
clerk of the docks said, Not it, it'll
have to go by van;' and it was certain
ly Il very large cask. AT five shillings
Il pineapple | reckoned roughly, its
contents would about dcfray the dock
dues.
at is customary with persons of my
profession to talk darkly about their
office secrets. You have no idea,' they
they say, what strange things come
under our professional eye.' But |
never had anything in my office which
excited il greater amazement than that
turtle, especially among the junior
clerks. Some supposed it to be a house
hold pet that l could not bear out of
my sight, and which | should bring
with me to business every day: others
eh't 1 hah tnLnn If in liuuidation of n
bad debt from house In the UUoo
India trade. A lady client in delicate
situation, who came to consult me upon
IL succession case, was seriously alarm
ed by the quadruped, whom l had
placed for security in the waste-paper
basket-so much so, indeed, that the
succession took subsequently quite Il
new direction. Altogether | was in
jui6d In my professional character by
that animal, which, moreover, died in
| the basket.
"'However, thank heaven thought
| Though, us it turned out, was ac-
knowledging an obligation quite I'M
necessarily, there are still those pine
apples
'The door was opened to me at home
that evening by a policeman.
"'Why are you hereP inquired |.
Where is John p
"John is gone to the hospital, SIR he
replied, being as fixed as-l don't
know what they call it,
"'What frightful smell = cried | :;
you must mean asphyXiated. What is
the matterY
"'Well, sir, your house is poisoned :;