The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-09-24
WAITS AND WHIMS.

THERE is q weekly newspaper in Eng.
land which has reached the enormous
circulation of 100000.
WILLIAM #. Vanderbilt controls
1920 miles of railway, and employs 27,-
706 men, who receive some p, IT'S, OOO
salary each month.
eTHoU wilt not be mine ?" "I cam
not, George; 1 lowest another"
Enough l start for YazoO City to-
night. FAREWELL
IT is a mean man who would fool
fish by wearing white choker and cler-
ical coat when strolling along the banks
of brook On Sunday.
THE net profits divided by the eight
partners in Bass 81 Co.'S brewery, at
Burton Trent, England, last year,
amounted to $2,10O,000.
"NOW will you admit that you are
licked" yelled the upper man in street
fight. ono, sir" replied the under chap,
''I amt licked, but-but I'm satisfied"
THE Japanese Premier, Prince Kung,
addressed General Grant in English, So
called. Trying to compliment him by
assuring him that he was born to comr
msnd, he said Sire Brave Generate
you vos made to order J"
The woolIy skin of the peach, the
blushing c)lers of the spple, the flavor
of the pear, the Juice of the watermelon,
all do fede as a leaf; but the peanut
holds it own forever, the transcendental
combination of fruit, berry, ana vege,
table, king of the gallery, par excellence
on the half shell, and the greatest pros
moter Of matrimOny in the wild world.
WHEN you see an article in the edi-
torial columns of a paper headed "The
Political Outlook" look at the bottom
line, and if it says "sold by all druggists"
don't read it There is such an article
going the rounds, which is an advertise
ment of a patent ttedicine. 1t is a
counterfeit we'll calculated TO deceive.
Don't read q political article unless the
owners name is blown in the bottle
Peck's Sun.
SINGULAR, but married man in
street car can see the look Of pretty snx>
iety come over pretty girls face clear
at the other end of the car the moment
she begins to tumble for her port mon
naie, and he darts forward to take her
fare long before she is ready, but he
can't see his wife down on her knees
crawling around in the straw feel.
ing for the nickel che had dropped, until
the driver wraps the lines about the
brake and comes in to help her.
A TENNESSEE dsrFey preacher held
forth recently as follows: You girls
call your sWeethearts 'dsrlings,' and
YOU men call yours daisies and you
Girls are afraid to come up here for fear
some oth6f girls will get off with your
'darlings,' and you men for fear some
other fellow will get away with your
;daises.' and" said he, "between this
darling and daisy business lots OF you
niggers are going straight to hell"
HAIL to the month that again brings the
oyster?
Blessings rain down on the talisman r
Faces grow bright and the teeth become
mOister;
Oyster our palate come tickle-aha
Let us the fattest pick;
Give us a lemon quiCkl
Gently we'll squeeze it upon the full shell {;
Then with our nimble fork
Eager We'll go to work
Oyster, we love thee so no tongue can tell.
"MY first WIFE," said 6Ir. Marigold,
running his eys over the dressmaker's
bill which his second matrimonial ven
ture had Just handed him, "used to make
one calico dress last longer than you wear
agilk one" eyes" ,"replied Mrs. Marigold,
s'snd she made one husband last her 3
great deal longer than l can, too" And
as she bent her gentle glance upon his
countenance, he felt all the blood in his
back turn into hailestOnes.
A COMMUNICATION to the Lime Kiln
Club from Elias Tiff Spencer, OF
Academy Corners, Pa, disclosed the fact
that a young colored man of that locality,
answering to the name of L. Y. Gsrdner,
was making a pretty good thing of 1t by
claiming to be Brother GardneT's Oldest
son. After the secretary had finished
reading the communication, the president
rose and said: Gem'len, If any mem
ber OBJ dis club had an idCe that / bed q
son in Pennsylvesny, night remark dat
nv oldest son was a gal, an dat she
balanced an eight pound punkiD de day
she was BON OATS all de son / ebt ]
had, an de poor fng was tooken wild
fever ar died bsfo' she was fo' ya'rs ole.
| We has got some ob de little dresses up
home in de chest, an sometimes wen
go in sol'Iy by de back way fin de ole
woman kissin dem relics an weepin' like
her ole heart meant nebber to forget dat
she had been q mudder. Dis chap down
dar am q fraud OBJ de fifth water, an i
hereby offer a reward of $40 for his
arrest. p Detroit Free Press.