National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-10-10
STRIKING obiects-Clocks.


MoTTo for bakors-Dare to dough right
SOUND logic-Arguing through tho telo-
phone
HOUSEKEEPING may be taught in lesson Of
three words-never lend them.
THE Chinaman had good grip on the idea
when he spoke Of the cucumber as mo belly
good"
A SUBSCRIBER TO Southwestern paper died
recently, leaving four years subscription
unpaid. Tho editor appeared at the grave
and deposited in the coffin palm leaf fan, a
linen coat, and thermometer.
THE pastor Of ono of the village churches
took pair Of pantaloons to tailor the other
day to have thcm repaired. Tailor examined
them critically and observed, "Humphl knees
are the best part Of them.-1mherst Student.
MILWAUKEE girl, suffering from lockjaw,
was left alone with a mouse by the shrewd
physician, aud she contrived to open her
mouth enough to give a yell that made the
| crockery in the china-co5et rattie.--BostOn
Post
PROMINENT attorney, while fishing day
or two since, pointed out to his companions a
sgnboard, remarking: "The fellow who put
panions Because that sign reads No fishing
in this brook, and caught the best trout in
my basket directly under that board"
MEN should not allow their wives TO split
wood" says cotcmporary This is rather
inconsderate. How can a man refuse when
his wife comes up with tears in her eyes and
says, Now do, dear, let me go down cellar
and split wood for an honr to get up an appe-
tite"
The other evening an old gentleman nd
vanced the proposition that never in the course
OF his long life had he seen n woman that was
not charming. "Oh really, now" said lady
whose nose was Of the purest Ukraine breed
don't you think I'm uglyT Not at all
madame" replied the gallant old gentleman.
You arc an angel, fresh fallen from Heaven,
only you fell on your nose "
SOME of tho newspapers publish useful
domestic recipe" every day. The other day
In place Of recipe, one of the papers pub
lishcd tho following notice: "We sincerely
trust that our readers will forgive us. Yes.
terday in giving recipe for the chiblains
we inadvertently stated that the remedy was
to be taken internally. 1t is, on tho contrary,
for external application. We hope that Provi-
dence has restrained the hands of our beloved
subscribers, for every one who drank of this
compound is dead by this time. We present
in advance our coincidence to tho bereaved
families. "-BoStOn Courier.
A GOOD country parson preached a series Of
sermons on practical morality, and very inter-
esting and instructive they were. A lad in the
village who had heard only one of them was
bulging out with stolen fruit. He met the
parson who noticed his efforts to conceal the
evidences of his guilt. Have you been steal
ing apples2" asked the minister. YES, SIR"
answered the boy, sheepishly. and you are
trying to hide them from me ?" continued the
good man. YES, sir" said the culprit, and
then added, his face Frightening up, "You
said last Sunday that we must avoid the ap.
pearance of evil"
A FEW days ago Justice of the Peace JOIN
Weber took his little son down to Toledo on
an excursion. The lad interviewed the man
at the wheel, and gathered much information
relative to the business of steamboating
4 Presently his father joined him on the hurri.
cane deck, and asked him how he was enjoy.
ing himself. First rate" was the enthusiasts.
tic reply. ~ am going to be a steamboat man,
papa" An right" responded the Judge"
but you'll have to study navigation astron
omy and divers other sciences in order to be-
good one" The lad said nothing at the time,
but appeared to be revolving the difficulties OF
the case in his mind. Perhaps half an houi
later he remarked, with much gravity, Papa,
| ] guess / won't be n steamboat man I'd rather
be II justice of the peace; you don't have to
know anything for that. "-Detroh Free Press.