Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-10-22
.FUNNYGRAPES.

INTOXICATED men have reel good
times.
THANKSGIVING jokes will shortly be
taken out of pickle.
WHEN is a boat like heap of snow?
When it's a-drift.
AT a spelling-match one man spelled
"pasnip," and got beet.
In our country's cologne.eal days
everybody had plenty of common scents.
In the spring we have lamb, and in
the fall we may expect "spell OF
wether"
SAMSON was a strong man, yet we
doubt if he was able to lift big mort
gage.
A NEW perfume is called Phoenix,
because it rises from its satchets.-Boston
Post.
THE average native of Texas is said
to wear pistol IN preference to night
shirt.-Atla,sta Constitutiom.
No matter how much q candidate
itches for Office he never likes to be
acknowledgements Herald.
| A FRENCH journal concludes that
Is. l.
this case Paris must be something like
the late Brigham Young--very much
| Married..
JENNIE, what makes you such
bad girl?' "Well, mamma, God sent
you just the best children he could find,
and if they don't suit you I can't help
it."
"PRIsONER, were you not afraid to
take that money from your employers
till-you, mere child in years2"
ooh, yes, sir; [ was afraid I'd be
cotched."
| A SUBSCRIBER to southwestern paper
died recently, leaving four years SUBJ
scription unpaid. The editor appeared
at the grave and deposited in the coffin
palm leaf fan, linen coat, and ther-
mOmeter.
Boy who found hair in his bread,
said to his mother before company,
Mother, here's hair in the bread"
cob, no." she said, {" it's only thread"
eyes, but it is a hair" replied he, elf
it wasn't hair this nit wouldn't be on
it,"
MOTHER" Johnny, why do you look
so down-hearted?" Johnny-"Coz I
haven't got no luck. Jim Woodheaa
was the last in the class, an I'd a-worked
myself up to the last but one, an now
Jimmy's died to-day, an am the last
again. Boo-hoop
SNIPKINs refused to get his wife new
hat; soon after his little girl came in and
said: Mamma, won't you buy me
monkey to play with when you 60 down
town." Ono, darling-wait till you
are older, and then marry one, as did"
replied the grief-stricken wife, her tears
bursting forth afresh.
The Virginia City Stage explains that
Buttermilk canon is in the Paradise
mountains, northwest of Eden, about ten
miles from Gouge-Eye," on the road
leading from q Limburger" to "Whoop-
en- Up" via ''Bull Town." "Lay-em-
Out" and "Hungry," and just over the
mountains from "Bung-Eye,'' and
d" Knock-em-Stif."
Two eminent members of the Irish
bar, Doyle and Yelverton, quarrelled
one day so violently from words they
came to blows. Doyle, the more power
full man of the two knocked down his
adversary, exclaiming most vehemently,
"You scoundrel, I'll make you behave
yourself like gentleman" To which
! Yelverton, rising, answered with equal
indignation, No, sir, never; | defy you!
I defy you! You can't do it.''
EsTHETIC pride-Fond mother, +" You
live too much alone, Algernon?" Young
genius (poet, painter, sculptor, etc.:
"'Tis better so, mother! Besides / only
care for the society of my equals, and
a-such being the case-a-my circle is
necessary rather limited" Fond moth
er: "But surely the circle Of your
superiors-" Young genius: "My
what, mother? Ny superiors! Where
are ?"-Punch.
WELL, my boy" said good-natured
father to his eight-year old son the other
evening, "what have you done to-day
that may be set down as q good deedT'
81 gave poor boy five cents replied the
hopeful. "Ahl that was charity, and
charity is always right. He was an
orphan boy, was hep 81 didn't stop to
ask" replied the boy; 81 gave him the
money for licking boy who upset my
dinner basket"
MANY a man sits up nights five weeks
at a stretch, Sundays included, COM
posing communication for the press on
slate, and then having spent another
week copying it until it might be mis-
taken for piece of engraving, ne walks
into the editors Office and remarks,
with badly assumed carelessness that
wouldn't deceive a wooden cigar sign
Indian: "There's something I just
scratched off that I thought you might
use."
SOME one was mentioning in Lambs.
presence the cold-heartedness of the
Duke of Cumberland in restraining the
duchess from rushing up to the embrace
of her son whom she had not seen for a
considerable time, and insisted on her
receiving him in state. Chow horribly
cold it was" said the narrator. Yes"
said Lamb, in his suffering way, but
you know he is the Duke OF Cu-cum-
ber-land." xRssessysn 1e1n1k
/ a NOBLE lord recently received we'll
deserving "snub" at hotel gathering.