St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-01-24
Squibs.

The New York Commercial SAYS this
is Il good time for bashfuI young men
and maidens to break the ice.
The other day the professor of Ger
man asked an unregenerate junior what
the gender of IL certain noun was. The
Junior quickly replied: Il think it is
neuter, sir; at amy rate it is neu ter
me-
The New York Herald heads an arti-
Gle ''How Hatters ale Poisoned" But
who wants to poison Il halter? 1t is
the shoemaker Who promises to have
your boots done on Saturday night,
and disappOnts you three times, that
you want to kill.
Boston Advertiser Good news for
the lawyers Martin Luther's will has
been found Let's see, "unsouud
mind" ''undue influence" or .Iater
will 1t must be broken somehow, of
course.
Danelsonville SentILel: Tongue can
not tell the words or express the aston
ishment of the crippled soldier in Con-
necticut AhO awOke to tiud that his
wife was using his wooden leg to pound
the beefsteak for breakfast.
There is one thing in which two heads
are better than one, and that is a bar
rel.-Ex. Except it be a whiskey bar
rel, which is best with the bottom head
knocked out.-Kennebunk Star.
New York Graphic My son, wouldst
have nOtOriety? ? Publish thou an al
manack. Wouldst have great knowl-
edge Learn what others forget.
WOuldst have wealth ? Either become
an AIndertaker, plumber OF an Indian
agent.
Boston Transcript: A lady taking
tea at small company, being very
fond of hot rolls, was asked to have
another. ''Really, cannot" she mod
estly replied, - don't know how many
| have eaten already" 81 do" unex-
pectedly cried Il juvenile upstart whose
mother had allowed him IA seat at ta-
bic, You've eaten eight; I've been
countin'r'
The ill repute'of our state in the mat
ter of easy divorce laws has spread
across the water; and we find the fol-
lowing in the London Echo :-"ln the
state of Vermont there is now on the
average one divorce to every fifteen
marriages, and the proportion is in-
creasing. We believe that is the state
where II little boy, walking with his
mother, remarked that on the opposite
side of the way was the gentleman
that was pa last year."
care you engaged 2" said gentle
man to Young lady from Marysville,
at ball the other evening. Il was,
but if that Pete johnson thinks Pm 90
ing to sit here and see him squeeze
that freckled faced Wilkins girls hand
all the evening, he'll be mistaken, soli-
taire or no solitaire !" The gentleman
explained and went out to get air.
San Francisco Ne,Us Letter.
A sable son of Ham presented him
self ut the desk of the marriage-license
clerk OF the probate court, the other
day, and asked for Il license to marry
his dusky Dulcinea. Among other
problems propOunded to him was, "Are
you and the lady related ?" Eyes, sab ~
was the answer. "What relation are
you to each other ?" was the next query.
'Sah 7" calculated the applicant for
matrimonial honors. "I mean what kin
are you to each other 2" explained the
handsome Harry. eve isn't any kin
co each other; no kin at all, sab" re-
Spohucu lHe AlleIlcdD c1UlZen OF Etlil-
opian descent. "But you said you
were related" answered Reichten. II
thought you deluded to de tender rela-
shuns of luv what prevails between us
ut de present moment" said Scipio; so
he got his license. Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
John Dollar of Birmingham showed
his lack of cents by getting drunk and
falling into the hands of the police.
[Danbury News.-When taken to the
police station the magistrate addressed
him, Dollar, this is ten dimes you've
been before me, and Pm now obliged
TO provide you with new quarters, or
impose fine of ten of your last name. =
Dollar, not being worth ninetv-two
cents, went up for ten days. Norris
town Herald.
Burdette of the Burlington Hawkeve
was showed IN at Utica, and could not
fulfil his lecture engagement. He sent
an explanatory poem to the papers:
The Burlington man came out of the west
ln swallow tail coat and cut-away vest
But he said, II conjecture
There's snow chance for a lecture"
so his overworked chin had a rest