The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-10-04
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


A spirited contest--A drunken brawl.
Two Of a kne--A yoke Of oxen.
A bad blow-Thc La Sale county Jail.
pair of ears that go on head Of civilization
Pioneers aud frontiers,
A hair on the head il worth a dozen in the
hash.
Emulate the mule; always be backward in
deeds of violence
The difference between hen and mouse trap
is that the mouse trap can't set tself.
If some of the pedestrians would only learn
how to follow plow!-1Uora Nc'S.
The Afghan soldiers fight best after they have
surrentercd-N .. P'eayl'e,
Ben Butler drew vol at the Rockford fair-he
drew 500 out OF the treasury.
The Okolona fellow failed as a lecturer at the
north Now let the Lemars fellow retaiate on
Mississippi.
The St Louis Tin,es-Jo'unm frivolousy call
the sitting down o! Mr. Tiden on Mr.. Field a
case of bent pin.
The publisher Of the Sheridan Ne,cS Letter offers
$1,000 for a story that will make his hair stand
A wag who had lent minister horse that
had run away and thrown the clergyman claimed
credit for spreading the gospel.
A man dying recently in st. Louis left $1,000
to an individual who, years before, ran away with
his wife. lie said in the will that he never for.
got 4 favor
Aramuta Jane declares that in her estimation
finn. e
present day exceeds anything that has ever BEN
Zine.-Ia. GAZETTE
Poker mus; have been in vogue long ago; for
the melancholy prince said; "Pll call thee, Ham
let ," when he was not certain that he could see
him.
The mcauest man lives at Milwaukee He
sued neiEhbor for tearing ap expensive lace
collar of his little son whom the othor had saved
from drowning,
The very worst Joke OF the season is by the At
,.ca Leig,r, "Did the Mower Of Venice ever
cripple any h0rycsters; Any Dcsdemona on this
point will be thankfully received"
Il would rather" says the editor Of the Okolo.
ma States, "be living than a dead lion" Ma
ture having gratiiied him in that particular, what
in the world is he growing about?-Bubal0 |
Erprtss.
Victoria c. Woodruff announces herself as
candidate for the presidency in 1880. Her party
like her childrcn-shc modesty refrains from
naming.
Verify we congratulate ourselves. Notwith- |
standing the horde Of pickpockets and sneak. |
thieves who infested the city during fair week |
We escaped without being robbed, although we
had several thousand dollars hid away in our
Uootleg.-Hocitom Nelcs,
They must have hired him to do hide for them |
a Democratic contemporary Indignantly re-
marks, california has gone to the DIP
Yes" replies republican journal exutingly, |
we have elected our whole ticket"
Julia Moore, the sweet singer of Michigan,
subsidies to make way for the coming poet who
resides IN Tonca, and thus celebrates in nmor- |
tai verse a recent family reunion
Each to pleasure gave a gem,
Each mental diadem,
And not leaving destitute
The poor humble district tute"
An Iowa man who had invented a windmill, |
with an entirely new motor, committed suicide
because it wouldn't revolve Why didn't he take
il to Mexico? He could have get up revolution
there in no time.
LOUISIANA man maze vow that II his lottery |
ticket drew 5000 he would take 81, Oand build |
church. The ticket drew $500, and after
long struggle with his conscience the man pre- |
sented an orphan asylum with ten pounds Of
brown sugar and let his vow go at that-Det,oit
Fire. Press
Said citizen Foster in his little speech here
last Saturday: ave put the colored man in the |
field and made soldier Of him." That is the |
first authentic statement that we have met that
rosters substitute was ncgro.-Nemdrk AdUo- |
cate.
We have observed that the papers of the coup.
try Invariably PRINT that tender poem beginning, |
The melancholy days have come,
at just the season Of the year when the average |
wife returns from her summer trip.-St. Louis
Ti0,s.JopaGl.
not MUCH AilkE.
A mans high ambition
j. never complete
TIL Ne has accomplished
very great feat.
Not so with woman
Who likes 10 be sweet
For she is cuntented
With very small feet.
The Darlington Democrat perpetrates the fol. |
lowing: This thing is getting much mixed. |
il was once simply Kate Chase, then il was Kate
Chase sprague, then Conking chased Kate, then |
sprague chased Conklng; now il seems to be
sprague Chased Kate. Next some one will be
mean enough to say none Of them were chaste."
Clark Brown murdered his father and sister at
Winchester Ont, but there was little evidence
against him. The Rev. Mr. Rowan visited him
in jail and told him that if he would confess he
would be forgiven. Brown made full disclos |
ure of the crime. He now says that he under |
stood the minister 10 promise him forgiveness at |
The hands OF the law, to be followed by release,
but he learns that a spiritual pardon only was
meant, and he will probably be hanged ON his
own confession
Twelve thousand dollars is the largest sum |
ever found in a single letter at the dead letter |
Office, at Washington. Let's see We don't re.