The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1879-06-18
THE DEAD LETTER OFFICE.

THE DEAD LETTER OFFICE.
The Washington Hospital for Infirm and
Failing Letters-Guessing, Detective
and ether Work.
The dead letter office, says the Wash
ington Star, is not accurately defined by
its name. To be sure, deceased letters
of the common sort undergo cremation
there, and the more important and illus
trious dead are honored, like the great
among the ancient Egyptians, by EN-
balming; but for all that the office is not
so distinctively a sepulcher for the ashes
or other remains of dead letters, as hos
pital where sick, deformed and manned
letters are doctored, cured and sent on
their way rejoicing, to fill the ends for
which they were created.
More than three million letters year
are now received at the dead letter office.
They are drawn from all classes of mail
communications and furnish an epitome
of the correspondence of the country.
The first step in their treatment is to ex-
anime them in order to discover whether
they have received the proper and pre-
scribed consideration from the postmas-
ter who forwarded them, orig iginally, or
who forwarded them to the office. If
neglect on the part of any postmaster is
discovered he is handed over to the mer-
cies of the "blowing-up clerk, "who then
states facts to him. A vigorous lecture
in which the bureau expresses its amaze
ment and surprise at the objectionable
ignorance, etc., etc., is the most severe
punishment inflicted. It is only recent
ly that an effort has been made to estab-
lish the death penalty in aggravated
cases. A few days ago clerk in the
city postoffice had occasion to handle a
parcel addressed to the Smithsonian In
stitution. 1t was sent throug h a post
Office in Texas and label on the outside
informed the public that it contained
two live scorpions, q live centipede and
q Mexican spur. The clerk was some
what Hurried, it is alleged, at the thought
that he held poisonous varmints in
his hands. His agitation was not de-
creased when he received from hole in
the box what he imagined to be sting.
1t was discovered that he had only cut
himself upon a projecting rowel of the
Mexican spur.
At the opening table the contents of
such letters as need to be opened are
discovered. In former times the cham
pion letter-opener was he who turned in
the most money az the result Of his
labors, and much ingenuity was ex-
ercised in the selection of letters likely
to prove valuable. One of the numerous
improvements in the system introduced
by the present chief, Mr.. E. J. Dallas,
makes the number Of letters opened,
whether containing money or not, the
test of efficiency. But the influences of
the old custom still make the eyes of
some of the clerks glisten when the
opening of Il letter brings to light crisp
bill of a large denomination. Special
efforts are of course made to return or
forward letters containing Yaluables.
Over ninety per cent. of such letters are
disposed of. Some letters containing
small amounts, sent under fictitious
names for improper purposes, and some
communications sent to lottery dealers,
after failing Of delivery, either through
order of the postmaster-general, as in
the latter case, or for other reasons, are
refused by the senders, who disclaim
all knowledge of them. Thus the COM
munication is left suspended after the
fashion of Mahomet's coffin between
writer and addressed. About $500 in
greenbacks and $1,000 in. government
bonds are the largest amounts that have
been taken from letters in recent years.
Twelve thousand dollars is the largest
amount that has ever been found in q
single letter. A draft unclaimed and
consequently bogus, found in one letter,
was for 80, ,9O0,O ,O0O.50. 1t is noticed that
since the fractional currency has been
retired postage stamps to about the same
amount have appeared in letters re-
ceived.
The guessing" desks at the head of
the dead letter Office are of interest.
Long practice has made the clerks eX-
perts ut their work. At one desk ad-
dresses are translated, instructions de-
tected. and writers saved from the
natural consequences of carelessness.
The editorial capacity of reducing to
English letters words twisted into IN
inky labyrinth or words run into hori-
zontal line, the power of putting ones
self in the writer's place, an acquaintance
with the usual mistakes of misdirection,
and a minute knowledge of localities and
directories are necessary for success in
this work. The office has no blind
reader to tell the correct address by the
sound Of the misspelled names; nor
does it need one. At the desk Of the
clerk who examines letters that have
been sent out from the dead letter office
unsuccessfully, guessing powers of a
different kind are required. He reads
the returned letters through carefully
and seeks for clew which will enable
him to find the sender. A person must
write very guarded indeed to prevent the
dropping of any hint which will enable
this amateur detective with his discov-
cry circular to trace the letter to him.
One astonished individual who received
information from the office of letter
containing money which he had misdi-
rccted was at such loss to compre-
hend how his whereabouts had been
discovered that he wrote the clerk tell
ing him to keep the money and send him
in its stead an account of the method
by which this had been accomplished.
AS his request could not be complied
with. he is, perhaps, still in state of
wonder