davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20
Turning the Tables.

Some time in 1864 there were a num-
Der of army officers stopping ut hotel
in Washington. Among them was a
Captain Jones, who was a trst-rate fel-
low, a good officer and very pompous.
Emerson and Jones used to have ii good
deal of joking together at the table and
elsewhere. One day at the dinner
table, when the dining hall was well
filled, Captain Jones finished his dinner
first, got up and walked almost to the
dlnning hall door, when Emerson spoke
to him in a loud voice, and said :
Halloo, captain. see here; | want to
speak to You Il minute"
The captain turned and walked back
to the table and bent over siaH; when
Emerson whispered: i wanted to ask
you how far you would have gone if |
had not spoken to you ?" The captain
never changed muscle, but strai ishtel-
ed up and put his fingers into his vest
pocket and said: capt. Emerson, |
don't know Il man i'll the world | had
rather lend five dollars to than you, but
the fact is haven't a cent with me to-
day. and turned Ga bis heel and walked
away. Emerson was the color OF halt
a dozen rainbows, but he had to stand
=: He never heard the last OF it, and
it cost him more than ten dollars to
treat on it.
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

cies about the other world, is belief in
the connection Of the human soul
with tie eternal. Nothing apparently
is LETT but secular consequences OF con-
duct, human law, which the strong mag
make or unmale, and reputation, which
success, even criminal success, may to IL
great extent command. . =
There is perhaps All increase Of church,
building and church. going, but the
crust, of outward piety is hollow and
growing follower every day.
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

Poor MAN!-Of the $90,OOO,O0o of stock
par value of the New York Central
Railroad, Mr.. w. Fl. Vanderbilt held
$60,000,000. His income on this sum was
ser cent per unnum, or $4 4.S09,000. Mr..
Vanderbilt has sold $50, 10000 par value
of stock, and retains S35 900, 900. He
will take pay largely in 4 per ceut bonds,
form of security of which he was al
ready the largest individual owner
Mr.. Vanderbilt also oWnsa vast proper
tion OF Western Union Telegraph stock,
and that company is now doing an enor-
1nonsly increased business. Mr.. Van
derbilt, it may he added, is so impover-
erished by all these holdings that he
pays nG personal taxes in New York.
He has some real estate, and on that
does his little to support the govern
ment, national and State. Poor mani
IN. Q, Democrat.
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

OUR TRADE WITH GREAT BRITAIN
The largest share. of our foreign trade
is with Great Britain and its depen-
dencies. Out of total OF S6g9, ,533, 900,
or in round numbers $700,00o,000 worth
of domestic merchandise exported dur
ing the last fiscal year from this country,
1856, SOC, 900 worth went to Great Britain
and Ireland, and $51, 100000 to British
possessions in all parts Of the world, so
that upward Of 5S per cent must be as
signed to the British empire. Of a total
OF s1s, ,oOo, 900 of foreign exports, $1,000
900 had a like destination. The imports
of merchandise, S446,00o,00O in amount,
were derived. $154,00O,00O from Great
Britain and dependencies, and $685., ,O0O,-
600 from other coifntries, but no country
approached Great Britain, its nearest
comp ettor being Spain and its depen-
denotes, from which, chiefly from Cuba,
$71 100000 worth Of merchandise was
imported.-[N. 0. Democrat.
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

InIGRATIoN.-The tide Of immigration
is strong again. For the year preceding
the first of November there was total
of 1G2,7 ,7l5 arrivals at the port OF New
York. against 119,O69 for the previous
twelve months. Snbtractihg the so,
iourners and the citizens OF the United
States returning, there is total OF "a
G15 genuine migrants for the period In
question, against SO,1 14S Ior the equal pe-
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

The touching sentiment, "Our first in
appeared after an obituary
notice in Philadelphia paper the other
day and the father Of the child came in
to the office hopping mad. It was the
third death in the family, and he desired
to know of the clerk where he supposed
the other two had gone.
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

OFFICIAL GRIFFIN Brooklyn tho
other day an alderman died, and the
surviving members of the city govern
ment resolved to attend the funeral " in
a body" IN order to give proper ex-
preston TO their grief they voted to buy
175 pairs of black kid gloves at the
public expense.--[Philadelphla Bulletin
St. Landry democrat., 1879-12-20

AS the error of a moment t MAKES PAX at,ra tn1
sorrow of life, so one good deed oo1)d
is the Joy of life. ]
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

Clear skies and warm air now,
however, begin to tempt the sports.
man out, and by the beginning of May
we shall probably see the active start
of the most spirited season of athletic
sports we have known.
The base ball season, for which ex-
tensive preparations have been made,
opens on the first of the coming month
with games at Buffalo, Cincinnati,
Chicago, and Cleaveland between the
professional National League clubs,
and during May they will also CON.
tend at Syracuse, Troy, Providence,
and Boston. The League clubs have
full list of engagements up to the
close of September at the places we
have named, and we expect to see
some of the most hotly contested
matches on record. Let us hope
that the season will not be disgraced
by those nnsportsmanlike practices
which in others years have clouded
the fame of the professional players
and tended to bring our national
game into disrepute.
Already the mere fact that what
should be only pastime has growr
to be a business, pursued for pecu
mary profit by 80 many men, has mar
ried the enjoyment of professiona
games, and awakened suspicion o
the honesty with which they may be
! conducted. From the simple "one
old cat'' and ''two old ,, base
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
JOSH BILLINGS.
He Gives Some Very Saxaeioua
Advice to "Quire" Singers.

DEAR Miss: This is an important
epoek, into your life, The 1st thing
to make a good Quire singer is to
CYCLE a little. "a
Put up your hair in Girl papers
every Friday mite soze to have it in
good shape Sunday morning. If
your daddy is rich you can buy some
store hare. If he is very rich buy
some more and build it high upon
your head; then git high-priced
bunnet that runs ilp very high, at the
high part of it, and then git the mIl-
liner to plant some high crown arta-
fishels onto the highest part of it.
This will help you sing high, as So
phrano is the highest part
When the tune is Civ out,s don't
pay attention to it, and then giggle.
Giggle like good eel.
Whisper to- the girl next you thai.
EN- Jones, which sets on the I'd seat
from the front on the left hand side,
has her bunnet with the same color
exact she had last year, and then put
up your book to your face and gig
gle.
Object to every tune unless there
is a solow into it for the sophrano.
Coff and haw a good eel before you
begin to sing.
When you sing a solow shake the
artafishels off your bunnit, and when
you come to high tone brace your
self back little, twist your head to
one side and open your mouth the
widest on that side, shet the eye on
that side jest a triple, and then put
in for dear life.
When the preacher gifts under he'd
way with his preaching write note
onto the blank leaf into the fore part
of your note book. That's what the
blank leaf was made for. Git some
body to pass the note to somebody
else, and you watch them while they
read it, and then giggle.
Ifanybody talks or laffs in the con-
gregashun and the preacher takes
notis of it, that's good chants for
you to giggle, and you ought to gig
gle great eel. The preacher dars-
ent say anything to you because you
are il the quire. If you had a bow
before you went into the quire, give
him the mitten-you ought to have
somebody better now.
Don't forget to giggle."
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
ton of the ",

ton of the W.
ever that may loa
secret. Possibly It i. o~y y nick
name and furnishes no more clue to
the aims of its devotees than did that
OF know-nothing-ism to those Of ar
ganization formerly existing in this
country. Nihil means nothing and
if it denotes anything it may be that
il i'm Inmates that those to whom 1t ap-
plies; are hopelessly malcontent and
that nothing Russian meets their
views. They may occupy the posi-
ton Of the Irishman that said he was
'As;in the government. Most GER
tainly governments are at war with
the Nihilists.
Two previous attempts have been
made to assasinate Alexander. Once
in 1860 while entering his carriage he
was fred on and again in 1867 while
driving with his two sons and Napo-
leon LII. "Sire'' said Napoleon,
I'VE have been under fire together. :"
To which the Czar replied, sour des-
tinies are in the hands of providence
my BROTHER
Numerous as have been attacks on
royalty during the past year they
seem to have been unusually unsuc-
cessful. In May and June HoedeI
and Nobiling vainly assaulted Kaisar
william. Moncasi who tried to shoot
Alfonso XII was garroted at Madrid
and Passanan,e, but for mercy ex.
tended by King Humbert would have
i'd with his life the penalty Of hi.
,pt to slay that sovereign.
"a AS been thought that when dis
.ssSJhtens staked life for life the chances
were even, but this year demonstrates
that either the cards have been stock
{ ed or assassination is not to be more
dreaded than any other mode of tax
ling off. Diphtheria has been as fata
as socialism, Internationalism and
iNihilism combined, and the plague
more so, but the fright created by
these organisms if We may judge 0
it by the means employed to crusl
them is by far the greatest.
virtualIy the Russian Empire ha'
been turned over to its military to b
treated like an implsaable and incen
diary foe. Six Generals have beel
clothed with power to arrest, impris
on, Danish, or execute at will. AL
this shows that imperialism is no
only confronted with an enemy
fears, but also that it is bewildere'
and does not know where to strike
1t is barely possible that the secrec.
maintained by the Nihilists cause
their numberst to be over-estimated
There can be no dop6f shat ...r
leEltivated persons Of both s>~es
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

I propose to advertise the lands lefk
for sale or trade with me, by circular
and advertisement in all the leading
papers in the north, east and south,
and all parties sending me full des-
cription of lands and prices viii got
the benefit of such advertisement this
fall. No charges unless sale or trade
is made satisfactory to owners.
c. w. Baker, Real Estate Agt.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
Pie Biters i

The Mexico papers are still blow
ing about boy named West eating
thirty qunils in thirty consecutive
Gays Ify IN sffrue ssyaiivc and in
iyopd bcaiah, swe'lk xlst St00to $40
that he in eat fofty-Gve of the largest
turkeys IN tue world IN thirty consec-
5atlye days and wind up the job by
eating. fa quarter Of Gbeef.--Isasls
County Record.
You should not lie about True.
I've Know It is rot true that True can
bio what you say he .eln. The latest
Exp rnhf NJ of wsst, me- pie yisgassis
lis eating last week 500 mince pes in
500 tonsecutiye 'o1e.ofarter minutes
This beats True, even il . IL is trus
that True did as you said he did
&hiclIswe think Is not true, esen i
what we said ia connection with Trps
about West is true.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

DIR. AlIison's spring will be open
for the season on May 1st. None
hut ticket-hol,lers admitted. Tickets
for sale at DIR. Allison's residence or
office, price Of season tickets 81.
Tickets to transient persons at pro
portionate prices. Strangers desir,
ing to visit the spring are invited to
call at the house where permission
will be given them. 2-2t.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
A Poetic BLK.

He walked up to the bar and called
for a cigar. The man in attendance
laid out box, Gom which he select
ed one, put it into his mouth, and
laid down five cents. He was about
to light it, when the bartender leaned
over and said:
''Fiye cents, please"
81 just gave you five cents.''
81 know you did," went on the
other, ''but that is a ten-center."
The young man felt through his
clothes, but he couldn't find any
more money. s.s
81 think you'll have to put that on
the slate"
"We keep none, SIR" responded
the bartender.
swell, now,you can bet I'm square,
and as I haven't money enough to
pay you in full, TIL just cut this cigar
in halves" He took out knife and
cut the cigar in the middle, at the
same time offering half to the man
behind the bar.
s'There's your other five cents"
"That amt business; 1 want
money"
"You do want money?' queried
the other, with emphasis.
''Yes, / do"
'sDo you want money more thar
anything else in the world +"
ST do; it's all work for. y
"Would you he willing to worl
yery-very hard!"
Eyes. SIR"
''Well, know where they wan
seven men to whom they will give /,
commission of 25 per cent"
The bartender had by this time for
gotten all about the unpaid for cigar
''Do you think you could get me +.
chance?" he said.
''Do think SOP OF course I do
know it. My uncle is the proprie
tor"
''Have another cigar
The cigar was promptly accepted
and lighted, after which the bartender
went On:
"What are you going to drinkT'
"Giye me beer"
He swallowed the beer pretty quick
ly. After he had the glass down he
remarked that he felt rather chilled
that the beer was little cooler thar
he at first anticipated it would be.
snow, won't you take something
to warm you up? How would hoi
whisky go?"
"First rate; let's have one."
He swallowed it, wiped his mouth
and went on:
''Now about this business. I be.
lieve they guarantee you something
like SO per day, and you have t.
put in no capital except your tim.
and brains. It's nice, easy work; al
you have to do is. to walk into /.
parlor, ask to see the lady of tn,
house, and tell her you would lik,
her to buy from you history of Pat
agonia, in seven volumes, at $40 pc
volume. Then you get one quarter
$3.50. Isn't that good pay for tel
minutes talking?"
The bartender didn't reply, bu
made bee-line for the man who hat
dumped him. The later lodged tn
well-meant kick of his pursuer, whlcl
almost took the knob off the door.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

The Greenback party of Missouri
propose to hold a State convention
in Jefferson City on the 9th Of May.
what for is more than we can find
out, without it is to give Britton A.
Hill an opportunity to preach the
funeral dirge of the beautiful sbut un-
accomplished little rig baby, who by
It's cries has SO worried posr Brick
pomeroy and irv Sims that they are
not expected to live. Felkt Of the
st. Louis Journal Of Agriculture is
! digging the grare.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

A certain and permanent cure for
chills and fever, dumb ague, diseases
of the liver, neuralgia, &C., IL found
in DR.. Patterson's Sugar Coated
Ague Pills. They act gently on the
liver and bowels, and remove the
poison from the system, purify the
blood, and impart health and strength
to every part of the body. Be sure,
and get them, and you. will be hap
DIV. 2l-f.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

DIR. c. w. Benson's Celery and
Chamomile Pills are prepared an
pressly to cure sick headache, nerve
Gus headache, Dyspeptic headache,
neuralgia, nervousness and .sleepless-
ness, aud will cure any case. Prizes
fifty cents boz, 80 pills, postags
free. Sold by all druggists. Ofacs,
No. 106 N. Eutaw St, Baltimorss
Md. 0-H.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
& %, hatters, Gs"~
arliin@.

On last Sunday evening a certain
mau passed through my farm (while
| was away) to tue well known house
krpL hy WA. Watts, ic.ving the fence
Town behind him. 1 warn all per.
SONS not to pass through my farm
any here, To Watts's orI will pub.
gisI their names and prosecute them
Tor each trcspass. | am tired of this
continued annoyance.
52 3d.. G.. O. NORRIS.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

The Denver Express did not get in
till seven O'Clock this morning. A
freight, wreck at Laddonia laid the
Denver out, five cars were ditehed
and badly smasred. A special en-
gine took the through cars to kansas
CITY.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

Kate CIaxton is PLAYING in Jeffer,
son City. Luok out for fiie.--
MEXICO LEDGER.
You evidently havn't read about
lhat Wrrrensburg fellow, OF else you
wouldn't talk so carelessiy abou,
kale. Be ''kccrful - she $ got big
Observation-Disclosures City Tribute.
A pretty woman needs big hus.
bnnd when arrensburg or Fulton
fellow is around. 1t is not thusly in
Mexico.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

The Sheriff of Boilinger county,
was robbed of slI0 in money and
some papers, at the depot yesterday.
Some sneak thief picked his pocket.
Hc did not discover his loss till about
Q mile out on the Jefferson City
branch No arrest as vet.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
IngePsOll's Ideas.

Col. Ingersoll has christened his
new lecture the Swords of a Man
About the Word of God" Below
are few extracts from it:
! can't sin against God, because I
cannot affect his happiness.
Think of God giving a man brains,
and then making it crime to rea-
son. r.
No man on the earth controls the
winds that fills the sails of that ship
called himself.
Accordingly to this great scheme
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
Extract from the Pod.

DIR. Prices Vanilla Flavor is ex-
tracted from the Mexican Vanilla
Pod. This popular flavor, as made
by DIR. Price, embodies the delicate
aroma of this agreeable fruit, free
from the strong, rank taste Of those
extracts sold as Vanilla, made from
the cheap Tonqua or snuff-bean.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

A gentleman had . bad eye, and
vss advised to have it out, 80 that
hs might save tine other eye. He
took chloroform, and the doctor, .
famous specialist, took out the good
eve by mistake. The patient 10 blind,
and cannot shoot the specialist.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08
L. 5irtriltten

Ii 5tt'r iltten=-.
Democratic party in
fsvoring the denomination Of ruo~
ct of 1876 for 1880. j am surprised
to see such = statement. 1t is with
out any foundation in truth. have
written no such letter and have in no
way expressed any such view. L did
not, as is known, desire the nomina-
,ion in 1876 as a candidate for the
vice-presidency. and do not think it
would, in any contingency, oe my
duty again to accept q nomination
for a position which do not desire.
Very respectfully,
T. A. HENDRICKS.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

Porter's Chicken Cholera cure, Is
the only certain remedy known for
Chickea Cholera. Given occasit ,nal-
ly It will prevent chickens from hay
ing tho disease It is now being
used throughout the country with en-
tire satisfaction. For sale at PATTI ~
sens dug store, E H-tf
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

The agent of the old Singer ma
cl.ihc2say $. look out for the Steward
Singer The people are looking for
it aud buyingi., too. The reason
IN selling two machines to- his
one is, lie is agent for a
company that is sending out
old rebuilt machines anil palm
+ing them off for new ones. II
: You want new machine with sill the
late improvements, go to j b.
Clark. a n2-tf
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

/. 0u will allow us to reiterate,
e wouid say that Mexico needs, a
street sprinkler. s.... trsEg
Missouri's assessed wealth is S509.-
ga, ,423, of which 81. Lnuis has a
one third interest.
81 NIav the l7th will bc the last day
for filing suits for the juno term oi
tllc circuit court.
An Ohio man has l6 wives. Ohio
men have all the offices. Mmst they
ave all tae wives,
So You are wanting for something
o,urn up" Very we'll II tha' t.
cue it will he your tees. 2F!75P
WALTERS Dram attic Company viii
be in Mexico enc week, opening
TUESDAY night, May 9Th. 2
Il. Scharlach las received bis new
stock tf drugs and is in faii blast on
tie South side of the square.
Read /. Franks advertisement il
this issue. DCn't fail 10 call and
ex: mine his stock of clothing.
If we don't intrudc, we would sug'
ocst that the hands OH the Northfsidt
of the Town clock he set Alright.
The Mexico district conference vii
be held in Mexico commencing Juns
25th and will continue four days.
Jefferson City is to have. stree
sprinkler Mexico needs one. ARE
our business men less enterprising.
I. j. Casey and Joe Peabody art
going into partnership in the grocery
business. We wish them success.
The Glasgow bridge is fin shed an'
freight trains are row rtnning thrOua!
: . Kansas Gitv os'stite g. &~A.~'R.- R
The Troy Free Press isone Of oul
! ,st exchanges, The eciters of tina
| per appreciate the wants fof thei
Ienry ID swson has. gone TO-, iowa
hear that he ilr'enis to@brins
* a fair lady with him Success
4 you, Henry.
IS Show us the business man wlIt
IL mt aid in paying for u street tssinil,lk
aud we will show you a one hors'
ran in general. cT rT1c,r.
This is the way Leadville resi-
mt EXPRESSES himself about tia
ace in a letter TO friend at home
n .'fhis is h---l ola country e
Last Monday night the street lan'
& j front of tue Ringo House eSplode
kith.a loud report 2 AsflKfo WIS y
wood work near no damage was done
A Cinnamon being asked loy u
felt after smoking opium, replied
..Mesteele alle1 ssmee tikee Iniece gs
sixteen, when feileeA ,smakccA.slor
like belle .s@sA -as4r& ge ~NsFSi
Judge Forrist Delivered u roasin
ddress to a full house, at the Fglto
I [urphy Union last Satufday i p;ght
Drrist is zone tf~ourS radss safhes
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-05-08

If you desire to trade or sell farm
ing or grazing lands in Audrain or
adjoining counties, send description
with lowest cash price to G. " b.
ker, Real Estate, Loan and General
Insurance agent. Ofiise over NeN
Savings Bank Bpilding, Mexico, No.