Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1879-02-07
HITS AND MISSES.

The day after washing day is one of sad
irony.
No one ever found fault with a music-Lox
for putting on airs
How to produce telling effect commuui-
cate a secret to u woman.
retired Boston frcuan calls himself an
cN-sPur.
When young lady wants to appear in a
blale OF glory Size INDUCES in little torchon
lace.
There's one melancholy fact about calrn.
dAr there's no time when its days ARE not
numbered.
"Brrdrcn," said n darkey in prayer
meeting II feel : if | could talk morc good
in 1--WE minutes dan | could do in u year"
4 clock keeps its hands before it, face,
probably because il is ashamed Of the cow
ar,ily manner in which Time flies.
Distinguished divine to recent convert
We propose to baptize you by the Turkish
lgth method. 1t is really the only means to
scrub Your years of sin out of you"
\ notice in Western newspaper of a
81, nuhoat explosion ends follows The
captain swan ashore. So did the chamber
maid she WAS insured for $4,000 and load
ed with iron"
A mules head does not contain a brain ca
pablo Of culture and refined rearing, but it is
wonderful to what an extent the other end of
him can hc reared.
Il shall never invite her to visit me again,
,aid u lady of her supposed friend; "she shut
herself mp in her own room the whole morn
ing while she was with us, and copied all my
Tides"
Henry was sitting in the pNrlor with Laura,
and in attempting TO turn the gus down dim
l. .... Il
'thc gas has gone out" Yes" murinured
Laura, 'and | wish somebody would follow
its example" Then Henry went out too.
\ lady taking tea at n small company, be-
ing very fond of hot rolls, was asked to have
another, Really, l cannot" she modestly
r.pii'd; Il don't know how many | have
eaten already" II dc" Unexpectedly cried
Juvenile upstart, whose mother had allowed
him seat at table. You've eaten eight
I've h,ru cOuntin!"
\ widow, intending to succeed her husband
in the management of a hotel, advertised
that "thc hotel will be kept by the widow of
the former landlord, Mr. Brown, who died
last summer on new and improved plan"
\ coroner's verdict reads thus: 1.-The dcceas-
ed came to his death by excessive drinking
producing Hpoplexy in the minds of the jury
country paper says "A child was run
=
eyed, with pantalets on"
Two ladies, both of them n little dull in
the hearing, We're in church one day, when
the minister had for his text, Except you
repent, ye shall all likewise perish" They
listened paticutly enough, but when they got
out the one said to the other; "Janet, wasna
yon an awfu' text the minister hnd the day
Except We pay our rent, we're a to be
puttcn out O. the parish
A wee friend of ours thinks herself quite
as smart rs her brother, though she has seen
but her fifth winter, while he is passing
through his eighth. He is doing his first
lessons as a primary" and the other day
returned from school not little pulled up
with knowledge. Marion" he asked, in
that style which big brother assumes when
patronizing little sister, Marion, do you
know that the earth turns roundY" "Of tos
| does" answered Marion, resenting the i'm
putaton of ignorance; that's the reason
tumbes out Of bed - YOUthS Companion.
Peter the Great, being in Westminster Hall
in term time, and seeing multitudes of people
swarming about the courts of law, is reported
TO have asked some one about him who all
these busy people were and what they we're
about, and being answered that they were
lawyers, " Lawyers! exclaimed he, with
great vivacity, "why, have but four in my
whole kingdom, and l design to hang two of
them as soon Ms get home"