River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-11-20
THE WITS WORK.

Proyerb in Paris-W Worth makes
women.
Cats have no fixed political belief.
They're usually on the fence.
A French novel is usually story
with an immoral.
The illicit distiller down south thinks
1t Is the early revenue officer who
catches the worm.
To Book Worm-Yes, John B. Cough
was the author of the invitation: "Drink
to me only with thine eyes"
"What are the best stories? ?" THAT
depends. When you are telling them
the long ones are; when you are listen
ing the short ones"
When Douglas Jerrold heard a
society bore speaking of song that
always carried him away" when he
heard it, Jerrold simply asked if some
one present would please sing it.
Rev. Joseph Cook says that there
are six books that have mostly made
him what he is. And Boston fathers
want to know the names of these books.
so that they may keep them out of
the reach of their sons.
"No news is good news" says an old
proverb, which accounts for the fact
that some publications are rated as
good newspapers.
Citrate: "Good morning, Curley; |
hope you are getting on better now ?"
Artisan: "Yes, master, thankee. | am
saving up" Citrate: Il am glad to
hear that. How much have you
saved ?" Artisan: 81 have got penny,
master, and | am saving it till | get
another; then | am going to have a
pint"
The Haytian government makes
revolution as easy as a coffee rooster.
Ne,o Orleans Picdylene.
1t is good thing that the collar of
stovepipe don't need buttons, else the
trouble would never end.-FOnd du Lac
Reporter.
A dog frequently worries a cat, but
man, who is nobler than ,he dog, wor-
ries himself.-N. Y. ComnsercialAdVerti
Professor" What is proposition p
Sophomore" Som sthing that we per-
ceieve by intuition, sir" Is every
proposition something which we per
ceive by intuition; that hog does not
chew the cud?" mo, sir; | know that
from experience. Albany Journal.
When a boy on his way to Sunday
school loses the nickel he has been car
rying for the missionary box, he is torn
with agonizing remorse because he
didn't spend it for peanuts before it was
wasted. If sorrow for the defrauded
heather factors in his agony, he isn't
aware of it-Burlin9tcn Hotukeye.
1t is we'll to look at all sides of a sub
ject before you indulge in an opinion
Curran once said to Father Leary: 81
wish, reverend father, that you were St.
Peter, and had the keys of heaven, be-
cause then you could let me in" The
shrewd and witty priest saw the sarcasm,
and turned its sharp edge on the skeptic
by replying, "By my honor and con-
science, sir, it would be better for you
that had the keys of the other place,
for then could let you out"
The following conversation between
an Amherst senior and an inquisitive
freshman was overheard the other
evening: Freshman (confdentially y
"Isly, Smith, didn't you find the Greek
plaguey hard when you were fresh
MANI" Senior (nonchalently )-"Greek?
No. Greek came pretty easy to me-"
Freshman (awestruck )-"What! Didn't
you find Greek hard ?" Senior (medi-
tatively y" Hold on. Lemme see.
Greek? Is Greek the stuff with the
funny little crooked letters?" Fresh
man Tin astonishment) Why, yes"
Senior (emphatically )-"Oh, yes. Greek
uas n e1ced hardln