Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1879-12-18
sips of Fun.


t. who requires the service of four
servants and the head waiter at
a hotel.
Of course it's wrong to "use
;; a big d." but when you discov-
:; rer that your wife has been using
!; your razor to cut her finger-nails
with, what else can you say?
We leave it to a candid public.
Lightning has been accused
of some strange freaks lately.
One day last week it struck a
/ Jersey editor in the throat and
passed down to his stomach.
/, He paid his ten cents, and il
, didn't hurt him bit.
A man passing through a
5 gateway in the dark ran against
a post. 81 wish that post was
in the lower regions!' was his
angry remark. ''Better wish it
: was somewhere else," said a
bystander. "Y OIL might run a.
gainst it again."
A contemporary has an ac-
quaintance who remarks he has
often heard the proverb, "a
friend in need is a friend in
deed!' but he can't see where
the laugh comes in. He has a
friend in need who is always
borrowing money ofhim.
A new song is called "OhI
Stay With Mo, My Darling,
Stay" But the young man
looked at the clock and said he
must get home in timc for break
fas:, as he had over half a mile
to drive. Then he bit her on the
Hips and left.
A man has died in the Ports
mouth, On. H.) poorhouse 49,
years old, and who has been an
inmate of the poorhouse seventy
six years. Young man, if you
want to live to good old age
quit your carousing and go to
the poorhouse.
"Why do guns burst?" asks
contemporary and then deXotes
nearly column to answering the
question. Guns burst because
powder is put into them. You
might use a gun seven hundred
years and it wouldn't burst if
you kept powder out of it.
| Did you ever notice a poor
chap that stands in the first
picture Of the almanac with the
fish and sheep and scorpions
and bulls and twins, etc., around
him? Did you ever notice that
he was naked and had nothing
in his stomach? Well, that
poor fellow used to edit paper.
A gentleman met a stranger
in the street, graspcd his hand
cordially and exclaimed, in tones
of polite but uncertain recogni-
ton: "Mr. Brown, l believer"
eff You believe that" calmly re-
replied the stranger whose
name was Hamilton, "you'll be-
lievc anything"
"You made a fool of me,'
said an irritated man 10 his wife,
Sand that's the way You got me
to marry YOU" "My love-"
sweetly responded the wife, "you
do yourself an injustice. Call
yourself fool, if you please, but
remember that you are in all
respects self-madc man."
An exchange says, truly, too:
"The man who refuses to spend ;
his money literally is called
stingy and mean. He whol ;
spends it literally is spoken of i
as a spendthrift, who must .
sooner or later bring up in the I
poor-housc." Don't have any |
money-that's the best way
or give it all to the poor, as we
do. II
The daughter of an Arkansas
gentleman reached the age of /.
twenty-five years without hay-
ing a beau, although she tried
hard to capture one. A month
ago she suddenly lost her voice,
and now a dozen young men in
the neighborhood want to mar
ry her. (Of course this is a libel ,,
on the sex. No man would
marry a woman who had lost /,
her voice. How could she call
him in the morning, after max
ing the fire and getting his
breakfast ready?) :
In giving in his experience +
the other night an old California q
'49er frankly admitted that his t
life had been a failure. Said he: ,
"When | left Indeanny to come /
to Californy my whole ambition {
was to dig enough gold SO that
l could go back home and buy !
a tumblin'-shaft tbrcshin' ma {
chine and 60 about the country
every fall doin' custom-work
and livin' on roast chickens. {
Now, here / am, and marry c
threshin' machine yet, and even {
ef / had the machine my appe-
tite for chicken is gone. | told