Stevens County tribune. (Morris, Minn.) 1877-1880, 1879-04-24
Miscellaneous items.


we are afraid he would not be a happy
couple.
The sun shines on the flower bed,
And on the mountains brow
Ii you have OvercOats to shed,
Prepare to shed them now.
An old bachelor says he's been so often
deceived by the chicken of the restaur.
ants and boarding houses that he calls 1t
"the hooking bird"
Accidents will happen. Even George
Alfred Townsend occasionally tells tie
truth unintentionally-and bushes deep
ly when he discovers his mistake ucE
"Have you the song, 'Saccharine Flu.
turityf" asked girl of the music clerk
1--WE have" he answered, as with pleas
ant smile he rolled up copy of THE
Sweet By-and-by."
When lady by accident discovers that
her photographer has put her picture in
his showcase, she goes home and makes
terrible time over it, but doesn't order
it to be taken out.
An exchange asks: "What is nicer to
pretty woman, If that is not the answer,
we give it up. That suits us we'll
enough StillWater Lumberman.
The man who can face a March hurri-
cane without winking, will SILVER all
over when his collar button comes out
and makes longitudinal pilgrimage to
the interior of one of his boots.
A'Provldence youngter, fond of visit
ing museums, of speculative turn of
mind, and very affectionate,. startled his
mother the other day by remarkiDg that
ifshe died he would stuff her so he could
sit in her lap all the time. He after
ward added, "When Gle, if don't go
where you are, I'll come back and die
over again -PToVidence Journal.
One of Charles Dickens daughters-in-
law, Mrs. Alfred Tennyson Dickens, has
Just met terrible death in Australia,
where her husband has for several years
been living and prospecting. Mrs. D OK
ems, was driving out with her little daugh-
| ter, when the horse became frightened,
and, running away, finally overturned the
carriage. The child was killed and the
young wife SO dreadfully injured that she
| died in few hours.
Hay and oats are so cheap in this State
that the Detroit free Press thinks it is
cheaper for New Yorker to be jack
ass than man; and by Jovel we know
of several persons who have been acting
| On the suggestion these six months
Buffalo Express.
The English language is wonderful for
its aptness of expression. When a num-
Der of men and women get together and
| look at each other from the sides of a
rOom-that's called sociable. When a
hungry crowd calls upon poor minister
and eats him out of house and home
that's called donation Turner'S
Falls Reporter.
| Three years ago young man gradu-
ated from the West Point Military Acad-
envy and came West. His soul was filed
with grand, lofty aspirations, and he
sought in the untrodden fields of activity
in the mighty West room for his soaring
genius to plume itself for flight. He
braced his feet as he prepared to shake
| the globe. To day he is a travelling
agent for a Cincinnati corset factory.
A lady who is no longer in the first
blush of youth is summoned as witness
in come suit. The Judge: Glow old
are you, MADAME She (hesitatingly)
''Thirty- ninc." The judge Tin the most
benevolent tone, after having contem-
plated her an Instant: Thirty nine9
Come, madam, have courage. Go on and
| finish it ~
This, from French source, is very
| neat, and has fine flavor of modest
| piety:
The owner of a large landed property
happened to meet the wife of one of his
farmers, who had just lost her mother.
well, my poor Rose" he said, 'therc is
another good woman gone"
Eyes, indeed, sir" replied the daugh-
ter; she was really good woman, and
should have good place in Paradise.
When say good place, I mean good
for people like u.s."
A raw German who had been sum-
moned for jury desired to be relieved,
giving this reason: "Schuuge, I can
mich goot Inglish onderstan'." Looking
over the crowded bar, the judge replied
"Oh, you can serve. You won't have to
understand good English; you wont hear
any such here"
A gentleman addressed another gentle
man, whom he doesn't know, at party
"This affair is awfully stupid, let's go
out and take drink" 81 would like to
do it." was the reply, "but can't leave
very well.' why nota' why, you
see am the one that is giving the
party"
A Buffalo minister has been preaching
upon "The people we kick" The people
we kick are those smaller than ourselves,
though the Buffalo ergyman may occa.
sionally lift robust chrome peddler off
the front stoop when he knows his wife
is Immediately in his rear with broom.
--NOrristOaors Herald.
A sergeant of zouaves had at the bat
tie Of Orleans his thigh smashed by a
fragment of shell. "Well. my poor fel
low said his captain, who visited him
in the hospital, ''you must find it pretty
lonesome work, being laid up here"
"Oh, no, captain, not at ALL" was the re-
ply. 81 suffer good deal, and that
makes the time slip by"
81 don't deny that we have bugs" said a
Leadville landlord; "but you will not find
them the same wild Western animals
thcy have at the other hotels in town.
NV bugs never ask more than half of the
bed, and no guest has ever complained
that they kicked, snored, talked in their
sleep or spit on the carpet. ] sent clear
to Boston for this breed of bugs"
is there any one distinctive trait or
| function possessed by man excluslvely2 n