Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-05-09
Our Old Maid.
BY MA1oUEnrT1 ALLEN.

81 NAHoUEnrTn ALLEN.
We have an old naid q our house.
We keep boarding. house al the aris-
tocracy keep boarding. houses In our
town. Like all other old maids, she il
ugly, wsars corkscrew curls. glasses.
false teeth, and IL deaf - post and,
like all other old maids, liz We believe
her) she can hear better than anybody
else. Indeed IL il marvellous the small
noises she can detect--noises no one
else can hear but her.
The rats annoy the poor old soul be-
yond measure, and they occupy the
third story, too, I've have wonderful
rats at our house, and her room ID ON
the first. The woman could not sleep
Q wink for them /; many . time, ct mid
night, have been reused by rappings
fierce and rapid upon "my chamber
door," and. opening 1t, would lind
Miss Priscilla Primm-that Is our old
maids name-sans hair, sans teeth, sans
glasses, and sans everything except
nightgown and poker, on the hunt for
help to scare off the rats. She always
led the way "she could tell from the
sound where to look for them," as for
myself, I never heard them.
Once / suggested to her the necessity
Of securing the services OF "pied
piper" when she angrily informed me
that she never smoked at all, still less q
pine pipe, and il anybody said she did
such thing they told q story.
Oh the mistakes that woman's ears
caused her to make - especially at
scala ,vhov, xba oollaora ok,,doutc tbok
boarded with us were present.
Miss Priscilla never once admitted
her deafness-not shel--no more than
she admitted her age.
We had one student who was, strange
to say, exceedingly timid that was
enough for the rest. They selected
him as the target for all their jokes, and
most shamefully they leased him with
Miss Priscilla. His name was Richard,
though not Ceur de Leon, by any
means, and we called him, Of course,
Dick. I wonder if there was ever o
Richard who was not called Dick?
Once we were at dinner, and one Of
the boldest boys said to Miss Priscilla, -
Miss Priscilla, my friend Dick
would like to have you drive with him
this afternoon"
II thunderbolt had fallen in our
midst poor Dick would not have been
more frightened. The rest Of us
smiled, almost audibly, and breathless-
ly awaited the answer, wondering II it
would be yes or no.
At last il came ; she saw the smiling,
and made her reply accordingly.
You neednt laugh we've had
many one right here but they say IL
isn't overly good for the digestion"
Such q roarI Poor Richard retreated
through the back door, and confusion,
laughter, clapping Of hands. and drop
ping Of knives and forks, drowned
every other sound.
Miss Priscilla was blissfully uncon-
scious, and proceeded to peel the large
onion she had imagined caused the
laugh and which was not :" overly good
for the digestion"
Once. when asked If she would have
some chicken, she answered.
Yes I knew him we'll been to
church with him many o time"
But Of all Miss Priscilla's mistakes
one made ct Church surpassed the rest.
The minister asked all the unconvert-
ed portion of the congregation to kneel;
there were no sinners in the house, /
suppose, for nobody knelt. Then he
requested all those parents who had
sons that were not Christians to kneel,
and they would pray for those sons.
Everybody was silent. all watching to
see whose SON was sinner, all wait
ing for some one else, when, with a
flourish, o fall of something (which
proved to be snuff box) down went
Miss Priscilla.
There was litter, o suppressed
laugh, scramble for hats among the
male portion Of the assembly, and the
minister smilingly rose and abruptly
pronounced the benediction, while the
people went out. leaving Miss Priscilla
in silence and alone, praying for her
unconverted SON.
Most old maids have love story; "a
turned-iiown page" in life, leaf all
stained with tears, and yellowed with
time and regret. Not ours! She never
had love story, or she would have
told il long ago. She is simply hard,
sour, crusty old maid.
Once fancied she had q romance,
but it proved to be false alarm. She
saw me with Q bunch of violets, and
asked me to divide with her. / had
only few, and wanted them; however,
/ gave her half, because saw tear in
her eye when she asked for them.
+ am always ON the lookout for love
stories, and when Priscilla kissed the
purple blossoms ! felt sure she was, at
last. going to tell me her love story.