Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-11-07
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LITTLE JOHNNY's FUNNY STORY
One day Jack Brily, which. is the wicked
sailor, swears and everything, he was goin
. by old Gafferses house, and he found him
diggin a wei, and boy was pu!in up the
rock in a bucket with winlass. So Jack
he give the boy two bits, and sed: You
go ana git sum candy, and lie pull up fol-
you til you git back" and the boy done it.
Then Jack he put his bull dog in the buc-
ket and let it down, and the dog it jump
out in the wei with CATER. which hollor.
ed wild and the dog too. Then Jack he
cot old Gaferses cat and pitch that down,
too, and the dog tackled the cat between
Gafferses legs, and the cat it run up CAT.
fer like he was a tree, and all yellin like
Ingens, there wasent never such fite
After a vile Jack he let the bucket down
and hauld old CATER UP with the wlnlass,
lookin nifty beat and his close tore bad.
Fore CATER cud git his breth Jack he
sed: '"Tel you wot, CATER, if hadent
ceme along yude had pretty rough time
of it. I ges, COS that boys gon for other
cat.n if s,.
Then CATER had helped Jack git the dog
out witch had killed the cat, and Jack and
the dog they went away, and wen the boy
come in site Gaffer he met him morn half
way and licked him til he was sick a bed,
and wen Billy he sassed the school-master
he was licked too, yes, indeed, and made
him beller.-San FTacasco ArgonaM.
SHE CoNsENTED.-AY young damsel con-
sented that her Romeo might kiss her each
time shooting star was seen. This she
reluctantly agreed to, and then only be-
cause they were engaged, They seated
themselves on the Governors steps to
watch the shooting stars. 1t was not long
before she called his attention to flying
meteors, and then to tightening bugs, and
shooting star. After Romeo had nearly
killed himself trying to fill his part of the
contract he concluded to investigate a lit
tie. He says, what do you suppose 1 dis
covered ?'' We gave it up when he said,
sit was lantern she had hung up in the
barn. that was swinging to and fro. Dog
goned if 1 don't believe she put up a job
on me.n The poor fellow was so exhausted
that 1t would have been cruel to have in.
terviewed him longer.
A woman may ,revel in silksor satin; she
may make her beauty respondent with
diamonds and opals; she may attire herself
in the most delicate of colors until she
looks sweeter than the burst of dawn on
paradise; but at the same time she will
condescend to tie her hair up with the flag
end of a pair Of superannuated penny shoe
strings.
Bachelor Jones.1ssThe state would be
better off if every Chinaman was kicked
out of it tomorrow. !" His married friend:
"Where would you get your washing
done?" Bachelor Jones: ''Marry some
nice girl and have. it done at home. y
Choir asbY III iii ible young ladies who
happened To oxerhear Jones and his friend
talking: The Chinese must gol''
s''Well, how is the Fall trade 70 said a
gentleman toa friend the other day. DRY
goods, never brisker, y was the reply. my
wife shops all day, every chair in the house
is covered with bundles, and I think OF
sending my pocket hook out of town for
change Of air-it's so thin"
His opinion of Shakespeare Practical
Yankee: swell, sir, give in to you.
Shakespeare was genius. But he didn It
kinder seem to put it to q, practical use.
Never benefited civilization with a wash
ing machine nor patent turnip peeler,
nor anything Of that sort. Still, he vas a
smart man., III ELs5g-- 1-E@2a
"Now. isn't he an angel' said the fond
mother, as she seated the little fellow in
his high chair at the table for the first
time. "a sort of destroyingl angel" re-
marked the cynical father, as he saw the
IS castor 60 spinning to the floor with q
crash.
Worthy Magistrate "Whatl man
can be cruel enough to maltreat his lawful
welded wife, and even to hurl a plate at
her head (? Prisoner: 'sBut your honor,
do YOU know my wife7" Worthy Aagis-
trate: ST have not that honor. !" Prison
,or. ssThen inst Won 90 slow"