River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-05-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

|
get the laugh on the army overcoat.
Wafer that has stood over night in. an
open vessel should not be used tor cook
ing.
| No horse-car condu ctor is too bashfu.
to ask male passenger TO nelp him lift
the car on the track.
A mans curiosity never reaches the
female standard until some one tells him
his name was in yesterdays paper.
Counsel to witness-"Rou're nice sort
of fellow. you are!' Witness-"I'd saw
the same of you, SIR, only I'm on my
oath"
1t is positive fact that the poet who
will coolly and deliberately make
distress" rhyme with mistress is born,
not made.
This is an imitation of Mr.. Norristown
Williams A medical exchange says seal
skin caps are so warm that they cause
the hair of the wearer to fall out. This
is probably the reason most editors are
baldhoaded.
"Oh, ma, if Jesus is Gods son, where
is Gods wife," asked q sweet little boy.
Gods wife" That boy wouldn't bulge
Eyes, where is Gods wife2" Gods
wife, my son-he-God was widowern
That satisfied him.
A philosopher says that women do not
like to remember. He is wrong. They
lake exquisite delight in remembering
where their husbands leave their slippers
and in taunting the poor creatures as they
90 roofing under the bed after the truant
R0ckland Courier
handsome and witty Partisan lady,
at her last reception, observed a journalist
taking notes of her bon mots, "Be care
full" she said, ''th9se things are not to be
written down. Words are like birds
which pass while singing. If you try to
catch them they never come back again
The other day provincial lmposter
was taken up by the police of Paris and
condemned TO two years imprisonment
for selling charms, such as the ace of
clubs, TO be worn in the heel of boot. |
A liberal editor complains of this SEN
tence. because there is hardly gambler
in Paris who has not his fetiche.
First friend lover glass of beer)-
"Weel, John, tae tell the truth, my father
wiz cosmopolitaH, but am misan-
thrope." Second ditto you're no like
me, man. Ny father wiz collier, and am
a collier too, although it's no the best o
profession the neo."
A French Colonel, on tour of inspec
ton, addressing soldier Are you con
tent with your food2 The soldier-1 es
I'll Il khar,
divide the rations9 Does it not often hap
pen that some of you get large portion,
and others small oney The soldier
No, Colonel; al. the portions are small.
When, Just ten years ago. Hector Ber-
lioz came back from st. Petersburg suf-
fering severely from his disease, he went
to Nelaton.
The great physician examined him,
and asked, Are you anything of aphil
osopherI"
"Yes," said the patient.
Then you'd better get all the conso.
ation out of your philosophy that you
cantor you will never recover"
IF there is ever a time in the life of the |
washerwoman when her heart is made to |
beat with Joy, ii is when she finds dia-
mond stud in the unwashed shirt of the |
young man who owes her a years wash
bill Then she laughs to herself and |
says: Hell pay that bill before he gets |
that back, as sure as my name is Matilda
Jane. Rome Sentinel. And the young
man laughs and saws to himself |
"There's $40 wash-bill paid with %
cent diamond"
A refractory Irishman in Jail named
Dennis McGinnis, refused to work. The |
keeper said TO him: "McGinnis, you go
TO work or the pump" "Niver," replied
the Irishman. A second time the keep |
er ordered McGinnis to work, but he re-
fused TO bulge an inch. Now for the
last time, McGinnis," exclaimed the
keeper, "you go to work or to the pump"
"Niver, sir" said McGinnis, straighten
ing up to the full dignity of man. "Be |
dad, sir, I'll lave the Jail first"
A Young lady was sitting with a gal
liant captain in cbarmingly decorated
recess. On her knees was diminutive
niece, placed there pour les congenances.
In the adjoining room, with the door
open, were the rest of the company. Says
the little niece in jealous and very au-
dible voic' = "AuDtie, kiss me too
leave YOU to imagine what had just hap
pened. "Ycu should say twice, Ethel
dear; two is not grammar was the i'm
date teioinder. Clever girl, that.
THE storms which have lately
raped in Germany demonstrate in al
unmistakable manner the superiority of
subterranean to overhead telegraphs. Dur
inr the heavy storms of 1876 telegraph
| jc communication was frequently inter-
rup;ed. sometimes for long periods, and
| immense inconvenience was thereby oc-
casioned. This winter, however, says
| The Cologne Gazette, long reports of the
| debates in the Reichs ag have been sent
| by the subterrauean telegraph from Ber-
| lin to Cologne, and, in spite of snow and
storm, not the slightest interruption has
ever taken plsce In tn service.
| A son OF MsiBc who went West in early
youth and had attained wealth and an
/ honorable position. returned last sum
| mer to visit his old home. At the village
I store he saw an old man whom be had
| known in his younger days. dc accosted
/ him. but was not recognized. So you
don't remember me- he said; i am
| John RI. "You are2' exclaimed tie
old man, You don't mean to tell me
that You are John RI 81 certainly
an said the visitor, stalking him by
the hand. land I'm very glad TO see you
again Well" persisted the old man.
j II never did. To think this is you. They
tell me you've grown awful rich, John"
John admitted that he had saved some
thing "And they say you're the Pres
ident of a railroad and get big salary"
again John had to admit that rumor
SMOKE the truth. I'm glad on ii, John !!
I'm glad on it, my boy 1t beats all
| what circumstances and cheek will do for
man
Mercy-Stockings miss2 Yes, miss.
what number, mis- do sou -Matter,ofr
: IL -. "a