The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1879-03-11
Seuse and nouset,se.
A dry subjects thirsty topper.
Sound money-the organists salary.
How do you weigh fish without scales 2

How do you weigh fish without scales
To make hot bed--go to bed smok.
ing.
Hot weather never strikes ther nome.
ter when ii Is down.
Some men unpleasantly comb their
mustaches at the table.
1t is not overwork that's running the
young men Of the. country, not by any
means.
We always think OF hearing some
Thing new when men are anxious to tell
the uu'h.
1 II was said 10 Mr.. Hayes by Chief Jo.
seph: "you have much handsome
squaw.
Let rue make the paragraphs of a ma
ton and ] care not who writes their edi'
torials. Ea1 =
1t seems rather odd to see two men
playing seven-up for dinner that is to
be eightup.
1t is safe to indorse the supposition
that Adam expressly bit the apple he.
cause he had no knife.
Show me the size Of your chrome and
| I'll tell you how many pounds Of tea you
bought.
"Six into four once, you can't make
it," as the shoemaker mildly suggested
10 lady customer.
| Grant rode camel when in Arabia.
and he wishes US to announce that he
regards it as o great try hutap.
| When a man begins to take off his coat
and vest at you it IS sign that he is re.
sorting to the court-of peels.
4 tits when woman tries to whistle
that the great glory of her mouth is seen
| Without being heard very much. o.ff
| Every man is q miserable sinner in
church, but out of church it is unsafe to
say much about it., except to a small
man.
| On circus next season will have q
steam printing press at work on wagon
as the procession moves through the
streets.
4 The biggest fool is one that does not
know that he is fool while having beer
considered as such by others for q long
time.
i No matter how hard It is to find rock
ing chair during the day. a man Is sure
to fall over one when he is In search OF 9
match box after dark.
Provident Minister-"I wish to state
that have procured an alarm clock that
will wake up the congregation as soon as
the services are over"
! Davis, who is something like eighty in
ches round the waist, generally gives his
tailor three months notice when abou,
to order new pair Of breeches, and by
this means prevents a famine in the cloth
market.
A Staff Commander WAS inspecting an
English yeomanry regiment on outpost
lduty. "Wbat are you doing here, my
man p he asked vedette, "Mackin' a
DANCED fule of myself, sir" "How so ?
| w ny, SuOulV Uc AZ uOtuC Coti IN uoys
HIS heart was not in that parade.
! Religion is the highest moral authori
ty in human society. Said Napoleon
Bonapart, ~ see inreli gionnot the mys-
terry OF the Incarnation, but the mystery
cfsocisl order. 1t connects with Heaven
an idea of equality which prevents the
massacre OF the rich BY the poor"
The Duke of Wellington, IS is we'll
known, stood as godfather to the Duke
of Connaught. On the Princes birth the
warrior received an odd rebuff from the
nurse. He asked simply enough, us il
a boy or girl3" snd received the
crushing reply, "it is PRINCE, YOU
grace,
/ ALadv made complaint to Frederick
the Great, King of Prussia. "Your Ma
ljes,y," said she, ''my husband treats me
badly" That's none ofmy business,
said the King. "But he speaks i'll o.
vou," said the lady. "That," said the
King, sis none Of your business"
| A tramp asked | gentleman the othel
day for loan of two bits. He had nc
hesitancy in saying, and he said it boil
dly, that he wanted to get drink. The
gentleman, much pleased with The
fellows candor, gave him dollar. As
the story is usually told, the tramp, &C
cordine to natural customs, should have
gone off on Zig jamboree; but not sc
this man. He invested the money in 8
sled, and no small by on the hill had any
more fun than he did.-Austin Nea.
Reveille
| Previous to Christmas last there was 9
Ianurishiug temperance society in Sierrs
Valley. During the holidays certain
melancholy things occurred, and at 9
subsequent meeting of the cold-wate,
Ilodga good young man moved that
those who had broken their vows be ex-
PEELED. The motion was lost. Thea q
motion was made that all those who fail
ed to get drunk during the holidays be
fired out. Carried. A motion to dis
solve the lodge was also carried amid
wild enthusiasm Reno Neu,) Ga
zette,
Jefferson's ten rules: Take things al
ways by the smooth handle. We sell
dom repent OF having eaten too little.
Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and
cold. Nothing is troublesome that we
do willingly. Never spend your money
before you have it. Never buy what you
don't want because it is cheap Never
trouble another tor what you can do
yourself. Never put off till to morrow
what you can do to day. How much
pain the evils have cost US that never
have happened. When angry, count ten
before you speak; if very angry, count a
hundred.
"Oh, suppose be loves Sarah, and
would be glad to marry her," she was
saying to another woman in the postof1ce
corridor yesterday, "But l dunno"
..Isn't he q nice man ?" asked the other,
l..Well, he's nice enough, but very reck-
less with his money. At Christmas time
he made US present Of French clock
for the parlor, and there's not one of US
in the house could speak a word OF
French. He might just as well have
presented US with a German thermome-
ter or q Spanish umbrella! We had 10