South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-10-31
WIT AND HU NOR.

WIT AND IUMOss.
81 WoN'T."-A man looking up from /
saving his wood. saw his little son turn
ing two boys out of the yard.
"What are you about, George z" ask.
cd his father.
al am turning two swearers out of !
the yard, father" said George. 81 said
1 would not play with swearers, and i |
won't"
That is the right time and place TO say
81 won't" We wish every boy would
take the stand-No play with swearers
'Thou shalt not take the name of the
Lord thy God in vain
He is a very small boy, just beyond
the limits of baby hood. His precocious.
ness is well recognized by those that
know him, and sometimes people try to
corner him in logical way. The other
day some one took him up and asked him
If he was papa's boy. He answered
Yes 'And are you mammals boy, too?'
Yes replied Charlie. well, how can
you be papa's boy and mammals boy
both at the same time = was asked him.
Oh replied Charlie, indifferently, can't
wagon have two horses 2
Foote, the great wit, shot many an ar
row that remained quivering in the
wound for long time. When some one,
with bad taste, raised laugh against
him on the subject of his lameness, he
turned on his intruder and said sharply,
"Why do you attack my weakest part
Did l ever say anything about your
head 2"
perplexed German who had made a
garment for u youth, and found himself
unable to dispose of the surplus fullncss
which appeared when trying it on the
young candidate, declared vocifecously
that ode coat ish goot 1t ish no faul.
of de coat. De poy ish 700 slim :"
The worst case OF seliishness on record
is that of a youth who complained be-
cause his mother put a larger mustard
plaster on his younger brother than she
did on him.
"Now tell me clndidly, are you gull
ty" asked lawyer of has client IN the
county Jail? "Why, do you suppose I'd
be fool enough to hire lawyer if l was
Innocent"
There's a new counterfeit ffty-dollar
greenback out. We've spent our spare
time for the past week in looking over
our wealth, and all our ffties are good
ways off.
A whoop-banS sort of boy, with
feet as broad aud fiat as pie-pan, trat-
ted through the Central market till be
came to stall kept by a single woman
about thirty years old. Hating there
he yelled out: Say say Your little
boy has been run over and killed up by
the city hall = ooh, heavens. she scream.
ed, and she made a dive under the couu-
ter, came up on the other side and start
cd to follow the BOY. After going ten
feet she halted, looked very foolish, ana
all of sudde remarked: 'Whata goose
am. Why, amt even married.
A BANK PRESIDENT TAKEN IN.
d. Clark is president of the First Ma
tional Bank of Ravenna, Ohio. Las.
month he went to Leadville on plea
sure trip. While there man named
LOWS made his acquaintance. Lewis,
after he had known, Mr.. Clark for a
case that he had just found. lie had
met on the mountains, just out OF town,
young man whom he had not seen for
fifteen years. The young man had shot
rival in love affair and struck out for
the West, but now, having dug up
great amount Of gold, thought OF return
ing TO bis old mother in Kentucky. IT,
order TO do so the young man would
have 90 sell some bullion. Would Mr..
Clark buy? Mr. Clark did buy-a gold
brick worth 1900 for $4,000 in cash.
Mr.. Clark left for Chicago, arrived in
which city he finds that his brick Of cold
is a clever compound Of copper aud
other metal. the value being ten cents
instead Of $4,000.
a STRANGE PHESoNENoN.-W We arc
informed that gentleman residing 10
Wakulia county by the name Of Cox
who Is cultiyatiug a snail farm, upon
rising one morning last week was slg.