The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-12-18
MULTUM IN PARvO.
A BRIEF speech-A lawyers plea.

NULTUM IN PARVO.
A BRIEF speech-A lawyers plea.
CAN Scandinavian pugilist be called
. noxious Swede?
ONE touch Of nature: When you ret
your nose frost-bitten.
COLUMBUS made the egg stand, but
Italians of less renown have made this
peanut stand.-NeW Haves Journal.
A PHYSICIAN who was called to attend
q sick man was. disappointed when he
found his patient was q well digger.
PRECoCIoUs boy (munching the fruit
of the date tree =" Mamma, if I eat
dates enough will grow up to be an
A ACKNOWLEDGEMENT French book
of etiquette, the =" Almanach du Savoir-
Vivre,' asserts that no modest girl will
shake hands with gentlemen.
A BRIDAL couple from Washoe VALLEY,
ut breakfast this morning, conversed as
follows: He-"Shall I skin you perta-
ter, honeye'' Ehe-'.No, thank YOU,
dearie, have one already skun." --TiTs
gi,sia (Nev.) Chronicle.
The Zulu lady wears her wedding
ring in her nose. A double purpose is
thus served. 1t discourages promiscu-
GUS kissing, and she is in little danger
of losing her ring. She always nose
where it is.-ErchGnge.
In some respects a man is similar to
a silver dollar. He can do more good
by being good than by appearing good
when he IS not good. This thought was
engendered by receiving lead half dol
lar In change.-OI CITY Derrick.
A PRINCIPAL of a female college Id
Elmira told his lady pupils that, as far
as dropping love letters out of the win
dows was concerned, he did not raise
so much of an objection as he did to
the poor spelling some of them con-
tanned.
"Aw, MY good man, what kind of a
wesidence do you think would suit me?"
asked an exquisite of house agent.
After taking him in, eye-glass and all,
the agent replied: Something like a
flat, 1 should think, would be most ap-
propriate. "-Boston Courier.
A GREAT deal of attention is now be-
ing paid to educating cooks. We are
glad of it. Nine-tenths of the cooks
in the country need sending to a
seminary, or to Jail, we don't care
which; anywhere to get them out of
their kitchens.-Nev Raven Register.
The shrinking of the water in Tulare
lake, CAL, has uncovered prehistoric
settlement, stone buildings, traces of
canals once bordered with planted
trees, and other evidences of former
occupation by an unknown race, are
being clearly defined as the water SUBJ
sides.
"SOME more cheese, please" said q
small boy of eight to his papa at dinner.
No, my child" was the reply of the
prudent parent; ''you have already
had enough. When l was 3 child /
had to eat my bread and smell my
cheese" "Well," said sonny, "please
give me piece to smell. "--Portland
Transcript.
A BOY was caught in the act of steal
Ing raisins in ashop, and was locked up
In dark closet by the grocer. The boy
commenced begging most pathetically
to be released, and, after using all the
persuasion that his young Imagination
could invent, proposed. "Sir, if you'll
let me out and send for my daddy, he'll
pay you for the raisins and lick me be-
side?' This appeal was too much for
the grocer to resist.
THE young folks were talking about
mistakes in courtship, when Uncle Job
broke in with the declaration "that
there was not any such thing, for"
said he, "nobody ever makes any mis-
takes worth mentioning in courtship.
It's after the courtship's over and the
lovers have been married that the hurt
full mistakes begin" "Well, uncle"
said one of his pretty nieces, "what's
the moral of all that?'' "The moral?''
exclaimed Uncle John. "What's the
moral? Why. I s'pose the moral is,
keep on courtin'!'
I HEARD a story of my friend Mr..
Holmes, the member for Paisley, who
made tour in the United States, and
when he got to Chicago he was very
anxious to see typical American, with
his slouched hat, big boots, belt, with
revolver stuck in it, and so on. He
could not find one for a long time. At
last he found man who exactly came
up to his ideal, and ltering into cor
versation with him, he said: ''Have you
been long hereP'' "Na," was the an
swer, sI'm jist month frae Glasca. -
Sir George Campbell.
SOME fiend in human shape went into
the electric battery-room at q San
Francisco hotel the other day and turned
the whole force of the forty-eight Hump
koff coils on the reverse way at once.
Instantly loud shrieks resounded
through the corridors, and in the next
ten minutes the walters found over
sixty guests hanging by their thumbs
to the electric buttons in their rooms,
capering round like maniacs and yell
ing for release. One old lady was
drawn up into such q knot that two
doctors haven't got her flattened out
since.
The late DR.. R. was one who could
seldom resist telling a good story, even,
says the Truth, when it turned the
laugh against himself. On one occasion
q man. servant whom he had recently
engaged astonished him by appearing
to wait at breakfast with swollen
face and a pair of unmistakable black
eyes. "Why, Jonn," said he "you
seem to have been fighting!' Yes,
master, I have" was the reply. "And
who may your opponent have been?'
''Why, sir, DIR. Ms man''-naming a
rival Esculapius. "And what did you
fall out about, pray?'' why, sir, he
said as you wasn't fit to clean his mas.
ter's Shoes" '.And what did you sayp"
swell, sir. I said as you was!''
Christmas EOllv.