New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-07-02

masons, last Tuesday Evening, was
called an s. outrajous old Donkey by
his wife, who kept him sitting on the
doorsteps for three quarters of an hour.
He had forgotten his latch-key.
Billy Smith informs us that his sister
thinks the new singing teacher just
lovely. She remarked at the tea-table
last Sunday Evening that all through
the singing school she felt like just
| finging her arms around his neck and
kissing him. Wecannot commend her
taste for we should not like our sister
! to care Tor q man who has his hair
dyed on the sly every Saturday even-
ing, as our BARRIERS son informs us Mr..
Singing Snodgrass does.
Mr. and Mrs Percival had another
row about pocket money last Friday
1night. They had better be careful how
they quarrel with their windows open.
Our friend Tom Stokes informs us
that his father the grocery man does
keep rum in the key down cellar
labelled "Soothing Syrup" and that
Captain Fungus has jug filled there
every week. He says also that his ia
Their sometimes puts chalk or some
other white stuff in his sugar.
Deacon Pepper has q boil on his nose.
He half starves his hired boy-and
we're glad he's getting his "come up
uns."
The Thompkins family keep their
children on rather short allowance.
One of them informs US that no more
than one piece of plum cake is ever al
lowed them at time.
Miss Slope will have the minister and
his family at tea next Wednesday.
Great preparations are in progress.
She has borrowed Mrs Peppers china
Tea Set for the occasion and the repast
will be spread on Mrs Stokes long
damask tablo-cloth. She has Just sent
her best spoons down to Boston to be
replated and sent word to have them
all marked to look as nigh as can be
like real silver. She says that what
ever the minister's sermons amount to
she's bound he shall have good sup
per-and that's what he don't often get
at home with such wife as he has.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. are about
the most interestingest animals there
is. You can have more fun with cat
in half an hour, if you have a good tree
handy and an enterprising dog, than
you can with whole travelling menag-
erie. Cats and fire. crackers are NOR
tai enemies-You tie bunch to cats
tail and set 'em of, and they will 90
down the street like firry comet
N. B., wire is better than string to fas-
ten them on with-as string is liable to
burn Oft. 1t is very pleasant pastime
to see two cats fight. Their tails may
be tied firmly together, and for fear
that they might tear things up in the
garden it is a good plan to hang them
across a clothes.line. They can be
heard miles. have often seen them.
Some folks regard this sport as cruel,
we call such folks chicken-liv-
cred. Did you ever see shaved cat?
They are very singular creatures-it
may be done with a razor if you know
where your father keeps his'n. You
tie up the cats paws in old mittens
while you are doing of it.. Some folks
don't think it hardly pays-and shall
never be guilty of doing of it-though
I do think father is rather mean who
whales his boy all over-when his fin
ger is cut half off and his face scratched
all over all ready. Kittens are very
pretty. There are more than forty of
them in the water under the mill
bridge. They nearly all of them have
stones tied to their necks. 1t is very
unfeeling thing to drowned kitten.
They are inherent harmless creatures.
Cats are great singers. The Chinese
eat cats. What can you expect of the
heathen2 Some people hang dead cats
as May baskcts-it is only a joke but
the folks that get 'em never seem to
appreciate it. There is great many
other things about cats-but think l
have given you plenty of ideas already,
SO will close. SIMON SLOPE.
That was all the reading-matter that
the TOnanaybasUk contained. There were
some advertisements, principally call
ing attention to the manufacture of
sweet-fern cigars and asking for the re-
turn of lost balls and jack-knives. Al
together the paper was success-if
the success of paper can be reckoned
by the commotion it creates. The
above number was issued on Saturday
morning, and before midnight of the
same day Mrs. Slope had received a
note from the minister declining her
"kind invitation to tea'' and devoting
several pages to as hearty abuse as q
minister could frame in language. Mr..
Stokes store was visited by commit
tee OF the temperance society, who
brought an officer to seize the 'ssooth-
ing-syrup'' keg; and before he had
gone another minion of the law had
Mr.. Stokes in hand for selling adulter-
ated goods. That same night Deacon
Pepper discharged his hired boy with
out notice. oh that same afternoon
MIR. Singing Snodgrass walked into the
barber's shop, thrashed the barber,
broke tho bottles. and went straight off
and proposed to Billy Smiths sister
who accepted him at once.
The edition of the paper was sold in
no time. There was not copy of it
left by three o'clock in the afternoon,
and while 81 Slope was that evening
making a selection of candy and dime
novels, for which he intended to pay
with the proceeds of the sale, he was
seized upon by Mr.. Percival, who pro-
ceeded then and there to chastise him.
He had hardly escaped from this angry
man before Stokes boy had him by the
hair Of the head, dragged him into the
middle of the street, and, putting him
down in the mud, kicked him till he
was black and blue. Capt. fungus
saw the fight and came and helped
Stokes boy. At last, covered with
mud and with shame, the young editor
made his escape and HE'D him home
ward, vowing vengeance. He was Just
turning the last corner when he met
the boy whom Deacon Pepper had
turned away, and this wicked boy had
. horsewhip. Such shrieking was
never heard before in Snaptown.
After this last infIictiOn 81 anaakn6