The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-02-20
Miscellaneous Items.
Why il blush like little girla Be.
cause IT becomea a v0man

Why il blush like little girl9 Be-
cause it becomes woman.
A small boy classes pies as 'cross-
barred, open-topped and klvered."
4 boy who was spanked said the SEN
sation was thrilling to an extreme.
Almost every man takes his day off,
but we never heard of him bringing it
back again.
The blackbird has been ca'led a great
thief; but as for the redbreast, he is
always robin.
What riles country postmistress is to
have postal carl come to the office writ
ten in French or short hand
II don't like that cat; it's got splinters
in its feet" was the excuse of four
year.old for throwing the kitten away.
The Parisiams have introduced square
umbrellas. They'll bt just as bad as the
other kind--never round when it rains.
1t is hard for some men to understand
the Lord. He calls them to be mechanic
and they straight way stumble into the
pulpit.
Edison thinks he can light theatre for
$4GO night, but il the receipts are only
$3.50 where will be the gain over tho
present system?
"How do you make Maltese crosse"
was the question before the institute.
And one OF the school marms answered:
~Tread on her tail"
An honest man in Maine the other day
offered new silver dollar with t.
cent piece riveted to it, at ticket office.
1t was readily taken.
"Have you cologne2" asked she. "No,
ma'am," replied the druggist; II have
no scents at ALL" She said he didn't
look as though he had.
An Irish student was once asked what
was meant By posthumous works. "They
! are such works. says Paddy, "as man
writes after he is dead"
Mr.. w. w. Story is reported by Mr..
James Jackson Jarvis to have recently
| sold five statues to Polish nobleman at
the comfortable price OF 81 900 each.
have theory about the dead Ian
guages," SAID the new student. what
is it2' asked the professor. "That they
were killed by being studied too hard"
Stair carpets should always have three
or four thicknesses of paper put under
them, at or over the edge of every stair,
which is the part where they first wear
cut.
In busting, use soft cloth instead OF a
brush or wing; the cloth will catch all
the dust, and you can shake it from the
window. while the others set it floating
again.
1t is proposed to take the census of
1890 as nearl y at one and the same time
as possible in all parts of the country.
and not consuming more than one week
altogether.
Boston has already become the favorite
port Tor the expert of cattle, and sheep
and swine. They are bought and ship
ped in better condition lIere than at any
other Atlantic port.
"Pants for $50" said a seedy-lookine
man, reading a sign in the window of a
clothing store he was passing--''So do I.
never painted SO for So in all nv l,fe."- -
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A cynical writer "Take company
of boys chasing butterflies; put long
tailed coats on the boys, and turn the
butterflies into dollars and you have 6
beautiful panorama of the world"
Captain Bedford PIN, r. n. NJ. p.
called tac Gear "a rutfian" in public
speech few days ago, and when some
one complained Of his using such Ian
guage said he had intended to call him
"a liar and thief"
A singular remedy for indigestion
recommended by an English magazine, is
chewing different kinds Of grass leaves
when out of doors, and Swallowing the
juice. Any leaves not nauscuus or poi
sonous are recommended.
A Great R.vivalist.--T That was good
though rather severe Pun which wa
made by an Edinburg student (and h,
was not one Of the brightest of his elias,
either, when he was asked. "Why il
Protessor-the greatest rcYivalist @
the age?'' and, on all "giviog it up
said, "Because at the end Of every Ser
mon there is great awakenine!"
The Princess Louise calls him 'Lcr
ney" in her pleasant moods; but, wher
she gets up these cold mornings to buic
the fire and finds no kindiing wood split
she says: you John George i lwarc
Henry Doug'ess Sutherland Campbell, il
this what married you into the r,ya
family for2" Then he wishes he haln'
forgotten the kindling.-.South Bend
Tribune.
my DEAR said to u five year old
one night, as she concluded her praye
at my knee, ''you have forgotten to pray
for your little cousins. How did tina
happen? Don't you want our Heaveni,
Father to take care OF themf" She mad
a motion Of again bending to her knees
and scepiIy tumblcd into bed. "Can'
help it, mamma! Baby IS too tired
Horace and Eddie must scutfle Tor them
, selves inst this One mighty