The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-08-01
5Miscrlla,lrnus.
The Tragedy at SlOan's.

"Do | understand, Mrs Sloan" said tho
| magistrate, "that you make charge OF
| attempted infanlicide again your husband ~
"Wcll, not exactly that" replied Mrs. Sloan
| you sec, /"
Zone minutc-pcrmit me to explain" cX-
| claimed Mr. Sloan Your honor, the situa-
| ton is this We have a baby year and
| a-half old, and then we also have twins Just
| two months old. Little cherubs, both ofthcm
| Their mothers turncd-up nose, perhaps, but
my eyes and amabc expression"
| Ills hair, too, your honor" said Mrs. Sloan
| CHS hair-redp p
Before we were married, may it please the
court" said Mr.. Sloan, "she was fond of al
| luding to it as auburn. But no matter. She
went yesterday to woman suffrage conven-
ton | stayed at home with the children
three of them, your honor. / have only two
arms. When one of the little folks cried |
would set down n silent one and carry those
that screamed. Then the one | put down
would begin, and I'd have to pick him up and
lay down another, and then il would scream
| tried to carry the odd one pig-a-back, but it
was no use, he would slip down and bump his
nose on the floor Imagine the situation
1t was hard. | was nearly wild. Only two
nursing bottles and the third baby yelling
| like Grow Indian, while the twins were
| feeding"
"Coudn't he suck his thumb ?" asked the
magistrate.
"Mrs Sloan won't let him. She closed the
| gate of joy, so to speak, against her offspring
| Absolutely prohibited the child from sucking
its own thumb. Nero, in his worst days never
went that far, imagine"
"The historians forgot to mention it if he
did" said the Justice.
Precisely. Well, l got along as well as
could, when in comes boy with a..note from
Mrs. Sloan saying that Mrs. Gibbs, the vice
president of the convention wanted her baby
out of the way while she was comforting witt
the select committee on ways and means, sc
in comes the sergeant-at-arms with Mrs. Gibbs
baby for me to take care Of That made four
Your honor, if Mrs. Gibbs baby grows up and
becomes missionary, he can preach to the
heather in Africa without leaving home. He
has voice like n fog horn. So he turned in
and cried, and the other babies cried for sym
pathy."
ut was hard" said the magistrate
Hard Well, Pm an accommodating man
so put one twin in one cradle and rocked il
with my right foot and l put the other in
another cradle and rocked it with my left
foot, then set Gibbs baby on one knee and
Johnny on the other, and by peculiar actor
of my legs kept all four in motion at once
You understand? Well, sir, just as calmness
began to prevail in comes the sergeant-a
arms again with the secretary's baby. Sale
Mrs. Sloan had sent it while the secretary
wrote up her minutes, and wouldn't | lool
after it for awhile"
"Was it asleep?'
"Well, no. Now don't want to cXagger
ate, your honor. | am under oath, and shall
try to state the fact mildly. But | am sadly
mistaken if you couldn't blow church organ
with the secretary's baby's left lung. Il
whooped and hallowed in such Il manner az
to alarm me- Then Gibbs baby joined in, ant
they gave duet. Pretty soon our three tun
ed up for chorus, and-wcll, suppose Who'll,
orphan asylum should suddenly have spasu
of stomach-ache, and you can form some ide,
of the racket"
"Couldn't you quiet them by singing t.
them? ?"
"No, sir, you couldn't have heard a bass
drum in that ROOM"
what did you do?"
81 gave the family Bible to one twin ant
put Webstcr's Unabridged Dictionary ON th,
lap of the other, merely TO play with.
thought I'd go down stairs and get some mill
for the whole crowd. | did When | CAM
up, as | had only two nursing bottles, emp
tied bottle of hair renovatOr, which Mrs
Sloan USES"
81 don't p exclaimed Mrs. Sloan
"And castor oil bottle put the milk il
these and in an old paregoric hottie, punche,
holes through the corks and handed then
around, When came to the twins, the,
had the Bible and the dictionary lying RICH
on their bosoms, and they were blue in tn
face; too heavy, your honor. SO had to picl
them up and souse them "A couple of times il
the bath tub TO bring them to; and when
got back into the room with them | fount
Gibbs baby in spasms from the taste of TIN
hair restorer, and the secretary's baby ha'
swallowed the cork, and the other child look
ed as if the castor oil bottle somehow had no
agreed with il. A minute later in come Mrs
Sloan and the Secretary and Mrs Gibbs, AM
they hustled me out. l don't know wha
happened after that but believe it was oil
Gibbs who put Mrs. Sloan up to charge m
with murder"
! "The case is dismissed" said the justice, AM
the Sloans withdrew. Mr.. Sloan has hired
nurse.