Daily Republican., 1879-03-06
HUnonoUs.

HUMo1oUs.
BrrxR SwBB1s.-Hs bought poun
Of the twenty-five cen. kind, and then
seeking TO hide the economy Of the pu,
chase under the appearance Of recklss
sxtrsvsgsnce 80 dear to the fair ones
purlsined from his csrdinAl-haired sis
tors room an empty box that had con
tanned candy Of the dollar kind.
Chuckiins . bit over the Harmless
deceit, he tastefully arranged thsrsi,
what he had purchased under tn
humber label, and hied away at even
tide 70 his lady, to whom he csrslsssl,
tossed the box.
In their happiness the sweets w~r'
forgotten, and he went home, mused
and In scstacy.
Next day brought to his eager flngeri
. note and box. Tho box contained
bis candy, "of which," said the note
she might eat the entire twenty FIVE
cents worth, and then return the boz
to the rsd.hairsd girl who had before
kept her combings in it,"
FouR MILAs OF FArH.--A gentleman
who had just patented new religion,
deemed 1t necessary to quicken and
confirm the faith Of his proselytes by
whooping them up few miracles, and
accordingly announced that he would
fly over ravins six thousand feet deep
and four miles across.
A vast mu ltitude assembled upon
the appointed day, and he thus ad-
dressed them:
dearly beloved brethren, in order
that | should perform the miracle
which will now be presented for your
Intelligent appreciation, 1t Is absolute
ly necessary that I should be support
81 by your faith IS we'll as my own.
This is "a occasion where I cannot run
my faith alone. Do you, therefore. be-
lirvs that by miraculous agencies I can
fly over this yawning abyss!"
''We do-so say all of u.s."
ether, dearly beloved brethren, there
ID no use Of my nying across and vast
ing miracle"
Curious comments ty a judge, even
in the presence Of the prisoner, though
extremely rare are not unprecedented.
Mr.. Justice Maule once addressed a
phenOmenoa of innocence in a smock
frock in the following words "Prison-
or At the bar, your counsel thinks you
innocent; the counsel for the prosecu-
tion thinks you innocent; I think you
innocent But jury of your own
in the exercise of such
common sense as they possess, which
does not Seem to BE- much, have found
you guilty and it remains that
should pass upon you the sentence Of
law. That sentence is that you be kept
in Imprisonment for one day; and, as
that day was yesterday, you may 90
about your business" The unfortu-
nate rustic, rather scared, went about
his business, but thought that law was
an uncomlnonly puzzling thing.
In common with the rest Of the world,
DR.. NJ, an eminent church of Scot
land divine, lately visited the Paris
Exhibition. Shortly after his arrival
in the gay metropolis, an Irishman
came running to him in the street, cry
ing, "Och, blessins on ye, Docthor NJ
-! How are yex?" "I'm very
we'll" replied the Doctor, rather dry
y. "And when did yez came to Par
50" Last week; but how do you
,ome to know meY" "Give me a shil-
ing and III tell yez." "The Doctor, Curl
tus to know how the fellow found his
name out, gave him the shilling, and
ras answered by the kishman, "Sure,
hen, saw your name on your um.
,rella."
Asa dandy was vending his way1
through narrow passage at the top Of
charlotte street, Glasgow, he met al
,retty girl, and said to her:
pray, my dear, what do you call
his passage!"
"Balaarn's passages" she replied.
"Ah! then am like Balaam-stopped
" an angel"
"And H. said the girl, pushing past
i'm, "like the augel-stopped by an
ss.'
The joke about Hardly ever" has
Is counterpart in an old anecdote of
'ouis XIV. of France. In the chapel at
'ersailles one Sunday, where the King,
line. du Barry and all the court were
resent, the preacher began his sermon
with the words: "My friends
re must all die ~ The King was dis
lrbed and made grimace, whereupon
ne courtly preacher added "or nearly
Il" (presque tous.)
When Lord B-died, parson met
n old man who was one of his most
ltimate friends. He was pale, confus-
1, an d awe-stricken. 'His loss," he
kclaimed. "does not affect me SO much
, his horrible ingratitude. Would
Oh believe iti he died without leaving
10 anything in his will, who have
med with him at his own house, three
mes a week for thirty years."
The other day DR.. Mary Walker ap
led at the ladies' gallery of the SEN
q for admission. "You can't go in
ere," said the door keeper, "unless
by ladies'" "But am a
dy." :" That may be, said the /
,eper, "it isn't for me to say but Pm d
essed if you can 60 in here unless a
III dress like one."
An Irishman was sent to put letter S
the post office, directed to a lady, D
D brought it back. Bad luck to them +,
'st Offices, yer honor, said he; this
tier won't CO. Wont go!' Devil
t: the dirty spalpeens have got