The daily gazette., 1879-05-01
little Rlts Of Fan.

| IA la. Little Hits q Fnm.) ~
II q man bigger than you says you are
. liar, do not resent it. he may be mis-
taken. i '" t,'-i I-"' d,
On leaving room make yonr best
salaam to prisons present, and retire
without salaming the door. FHi Do
"You never see my hands as dirty as
that, !" said petulant mother 10 her lit
tie girl "No but your ma did," was the
reply. rat ,sfi erItY 0i a@.i.s 81
The early stomach-ache apples have
not got along yet, but there is an article
Of cheap s0qr oranges that Is very good
A man was boasting that he had an
elevator In his house. $50 he has,"
chimed in his wife, "and he keeps it-in
the cupboard in . BOTTLE" @-a rs q
'It's . poor rule that won't work both
ways" is supposed to have originated
with the schooboy who took the rule
away from the teacher and knocked him
down with it. ~
"What has been your business ?" said
judge to q prisoner at the bar. "Why,
your honor, used to be a dentist-now
l am . pugilist; then I put teeth il-
now kno * 'em out" ~. .,t..e...i, q
When President Lincoln was taken
down with the small pox, he wrote to
Colfax, saying, that he might let the Of.
ice-seekers approach, as he had now some
thing TO give them. :, q. ei,.., ..'f ~
A clergyman of Bath created conster-
nation at = funeral by praying earnestly
in behalf OF "ths bereaved husband and
the one to come who shall Gil the place
made vacant by the death Of the deceased
sister," ...-5 ann.
A man drowned himself at a Western
city recently. The coroner could not find
the body, but, to make sure of his fees,
held an inquest on his jacket, which had
fortunately turned up with the tide. Ver-
dict, +" found empty" a.I .lt -
The politest man of the times lives In
New Orleans. He went into tobacco
nist's bought two cigars, and said cour-
teously to the proprietor :"If you do not
object to the smell of tobacco, l will
smoke one of these cigars here"
MATER $50 you enjoyed your walk
Kate? Did you 60 all that distance
alone ?" Daughter: ssOh yes mamma,
quite alone" Bsastly brother "Then
how is it, Kit, you took an umbrella and
brought home walking stick ?' isf
A little girl in st. Louis where d min
lister had been invited to dinner was
privately placed on her good behavior.
Finding lull in the conversation at the
tea table she folded her hands and said I:
80 God, please pass the butter"
A dusky youth, who was to have been
married this week, wrote his love, In
Jacksonville, . letter from Savannah,
saying: Dear Clarissa, as money il so
scarce and girls are 80 plenty, 1 guess l
gin up dat contract made wild you.Y
shouldn't think there would be such
word as "breakfast," " remarked Q young
linguist to his mother the other morning.
"Why not, dear ?" asked she. "Becanse
ma" replied the by, SIT amt natural.
Things never breakfast-theybreak loose
Alb, yes, /" said Mrs. Psrtington,
some years ago on the twenty-second OF
February, as she wa ched the military
pass by, "ah, yes, Washington Is dead,
and the worst Of It is that his mantle
piece don't seem to have fallen on any
man now living auE yVA nd.
1e A Michigan editor ran for mayor the
other day. Here is what he says Of the
result GAN right. The people have re-
marked somewhat emphatically to the
editor OF the SaginatctGn, 'SquatP We
SQUAT. No stomach-ache here. The
least said the soonest mended." l1 /
~ wish you would give me that gold
ring on your finger" said a village dandy
to . country girl, "for it resembles the
duration of my love for you 1t has no
end.n "Excuse me sir" she said, 81
choose to keep it, for it is like my love
for you it has no beginning" aderl
A lady wrote to an editor asking for
information as to the best way to raise
money to help pay church expenses. She
said they had tried "grab bags" Hpost-
Office" s'fish ponds, shooting matches" !"
&c. The editor wrote back that he
thought they had better try revival of
At dinner the host introduced to the
favorable notice Of the company IS splen.
did truffled pheasant, amid murmurs of
admiration. "Isn't tia beauty ?" he
said. sDr. So-sud-so gave 1t to me-
killed It himselE.n "Aw, what was he
treating it for" asked one Of the guests.
Mrs. Julia Ward Howe has been giving
a reading with Madame Ristori In Rome
for the ben eft of the Gould Home. The
reading was from Mar1e Stuart, Ristor,
taking the chief part in English. u
oil Sir Matthew White Ridley is likely to
become Speaker Of the House of Com
mons by the voters Of the conservative