The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-10-25
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Can't be wciched-A fish without scales.
T;mes that try mems souls-Pcdestrian con
tests.
When Cetewayo was caught he asked to be sho
Immediately. ConkliDg didn't.
Wonder If it screamed? sporting paper says
sThe Yacht came down on tack"
Mrs. Burnetrs new story is to be called Lou
isiana." We Judge from its title that IL Is no
founded upon fact.
Some one who believes that "brcvity Is TN
soul of wit" writes, "Don't eat stale Q'cumoers
They'll W up"
Ceorgn William Curtis to Roscoe COnklDg
"Thanks for your crow But don't banker al
ter crow"
Wyoming man won sl0in wager by eating
twenty pigs feet. This was pigs feat, indeed
The law can never make man honest. ~ can
onlymakc him very uncomfortable when he Is
dishonest.
It's a very easy matter for man to breakfast
in bed if he will be satisfied with a few rolls and
a turn over.
A correspondent wants to know what to do
when dog that shows signs ofhydrophobia we
In the worlds broad field Of battle,
In the byOuac of life,
Be not like dumb driven cattle;
BE a martyr-take wife.
oil city Derrick,
The editor had written "No Cross, no Crown"
and the compositor set it up "No Crows no
Corn When the editor was prosecuted for blow
ing the compositor's brains out with shooting
stick the verdict OF the jury was ''justifabc hom-
icde."
Our devil having become the father Of a bounc-
ing little girl, is in trouble to know what to name
The little cherub. Simplest thing in the world
Call her Elizabeth Isn't the devil father Of Lie ?
--AurOra Nous.
Shakespeare never repeated There was a
gifted little boy in Kentucky last week who re.
Eembed the immortal bard in this important par
ticuar. He thoughtlessly twisted mules tail
Chronic Mule Lterdteur.
~ just came in TO ask scent
From you, dear Mrs. Rhyme"
"Why, certainly; you're welcome, friend
Here is just half a dime"
Good Oke-la, ha,-you do not see
On what sm INTENT"
And pluck!ng here fragrant rose
This is the sentiment"
He had vague ideas OF house furnishing, and
he asked her what Kind Of carpet he should get
for tie parlor. She answered, Administer"
And then be warmly protested tina. i. was none
Q. the minister's business.
The James Brothers, the Missouri bandits,
think Of giving up the business OF train robbng
and organizing boating club since the brilliant
success Of the nlonCourtncy match last week
on Chantauqua lake.
Mill lit .s a,,t, ~ bad
the dead Of night, and by the pale light Of the
moon goes through her husbands pockets why
does she always take the small change and leave
The billsY Answer Because she doesn't South.
ere E5rhdnge.
NOT AND COLD.
Heat told me
Hot true he'd be,
But my warm heart is cad.
Freeze left me alone,
Ice sob and moan,
My heart is snow more glad.
-.haratton I.delendeat
When the woodman shoulders his AK and starts
for the woods, the Boston Post says Ne does SO
tor fell purpose. A cutting remark Oregon
Courier II his happens to glance, though
they say he has hevc time.-Chicdgo Vest End
Advocate. That last remark stumps us. Let some
one else chip in.-Ldcon Home journal.
o. Washington Child, the great obituary poet
foot into it as well as minor poets Last week
he rounded an obituary of with the touching sen
timeDt: "Our first in heaven" Next day the
father Of the child came into the office raging
mad. 1t was the third death in his family, and
lie desired to know OF the clerk where he sup.
posed the other two had gone.
every strange weather for the season." said
rompkins the other day, hopping off his face.
"Yes, quite canncal," replied Smith. "Canini-
sal-what do you mcan?" "Dog days in Octo.
ber"
dreamed saw walker" gaunt
Who did not claim the belt
A politician, too, went by
Who brides had never smelt:
A girl whose love would last month
Who would not nirt and lie;
trustee and Il treasurer
Who did not steal and hv;
singer and an author that
TO nurse no spite did seem:
But this, MS Eugene Aram said
Was nothing but dream.
San Frdacisco Netw.
The Boston Transcript says there s no music
in the corrugated creak Of the katydd" Dear,
dear; that comes Of being educated to the thun-
dcrous growlings OF the great organ.
The other day in place OF recipe II newspaper
published the following notice: 1--WE sincerely
trust that our readers will forgive u.s. Yesterday
IN giving recipe for the chilblains We inadver-
tently stated that the remedy was to be taken in.
isrnaly. 1t is, on the contrary, for external up.
plcation. We hope that Providence has restrain
ed the hands Of our beloved subscribers, for ev.
cry one who drank Of this compound Is dead by
mis- time. We present in advance our condolen-
ses to the bereaved families"
This is the lurid manner in which some indl-
vidual let his fancy loose on autumn and all the