The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-12-12
VARIETIES.

"A handsome thing in dresses-A pretty
girl.
Lawyer Ito witness)-Did you say that
an incompetent man could keep hotel just
as well as anybody? Witness-No. / said
an inexperienced man could.
Music teacher to scholar-"You see that
note with an open space; that's whole note
Can you remember thatw Scholar-"Yes'
whole note is a note that has hole in it,"
where's your partner, this morning,
Mr.. Tyson ?" the neighbor asked the grocer.
Don't know for certain" cautiously replied
the old man, che died last night" -Burhag-
ton Haaokeye.
-Gentleman in road-"Are we calm that
ould haste of yours clever hunter, Barney p"
Gentleman in garden-"Indeed am, thin
He's always huntin'-for bit ofsomethin' to
ate, and bedad he's clever when he finds it."
An article is going the rounds treating
on the best method of putting away potatoes
A family of about eight, including three boys
and three girls, can put away potatoes about
as successfully as Is necessary.-R0aae ,Senti-
mel.
Pa" said a bright boy the other day.
what is wine made off," And the foolish
man, without thinking, said: "Gmpes"
The amout of thoughtlessness and ignorance
in this world is greater than one would be-
lieve.
Mrs. Mningsharcs, who says one of her
daughters is "bronze" and the other "blun-
nett" cannot understand why ladies of wealth
and fashion waste their time in filling parlors
with "brlckbats." She meant bric-a- brac-
Neao York 1NdH
"A humorist leaps gayly upon the step of
one OF the gigantic omnibuses of the boule-
ward and cries cheerily to the conductor =
as the ark full ?" mo, sir" replies the iovial
conductor: "we have kept seat for you.-
What, no, within there! Room for the
monkey, room! '-ABany Argus
Two persons were talking of servants,
and one said: 81 have man who is always
breaking dishes and crockery and he cannot
the money for them, and if | keep him on he
only breaks more" "Oh," said his friend,
"then why don't you take it off his wages ?"
Il have taken off so much that there are none
left" "Then," said the friend, "why don't
you raise his wages"
-"Didn't you 'splain to me dat if l settled
up that account you would give me n low
ance?" said the darkey to the merchant
Yes | did say SO, SAM said the merchant
III you are ready to settle your bill now l
will make good allowance" and the mer-
chant waited for the colored individual to
pull out his pocket book. "Well, sir, hasn't
got the money jus now, but l thought I'd
come in and get de 'lowance my wife wants
a shawl"
1t has always been thought that ears of
corn have an even number of rows, and in
slavery times the question was discussed in
Richmond, KY, when q negro claimed that
he had seen ears with an odd number of rows.
His master promised him his freedom if he
would find such an ear, and in the fall, when
the corn was harvested, the darky appeared
with sound car of thirteen rows and got
his freedom papers. Recently the negro CON
tessed that in roasting-ear time he cut one
row of grains in an ear with q sharp knife,
bound the ear together again, and in gather
ing time knew just where to find it,
The late Dr. B was one who could
seldom resist telling good story, even, saws
Truth, when it turned the laugh against him
self On one occasion q man servant whom
he had recently engaged astonished him by
to wait at breakfast with swollen
face and pair of unmistakable black eyes,
"Why, john" said he, "you seem to have
been fightingw Eyes, master, have" was
the reply. 'And who may your opponent
have been?" why, sir, Dir. Ms man"
naming rival Esculapius "And what did
you fall out about pray?" "Why, sir, he
said as you wasn't fit to clean his masters
shoes" "And what did you say" "Well, |
sir, ! said you was ~