Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-04-03

have eaten the little agent up in his
jealousy.
AS to the willy widow, she encouraged
them both; but, shy coquette that she
was, she encouraged everybody, and it
would have taken a smarter man than
Jack to know, just where, if anywhere,
her affections were placed. Yesterday
his own hopes scared buoyant as toy
balloon, but to-day they fell as fiat as
that same balloon when it collapses in
mid-air; and thus his spirits rose and
descended like the mercury of Their
mometer in our tickle climate, just as
they were thawed or frozen by the
smiles Or froWns of the widow Lamar.
Upon this Christmas eve his spirits
were down, away down below zero, and
Jack was discOnsolate, so that when the
flowing bowl presented itself as the
nepenthe for his troubled soul, he read
lily accepted it. Bob, the egotist, Joined
in his carousal from reasons entirely
different. His heart was bounding
with the hope of speedy success; "and
tomorrow" he said to Jack in his great
pomposity, 'the widow shall know her
fate. will present myself to her as a
Christmas gift" Alas, so little did he
know, so little do any of us know what
the morrow or the whims of a tickle
widow may bring out. Jack cursed the
fate which had not provided him with
the "gift of gab," and those other advan-
tages which sewing agent
seems to be. favored with more
than other mortals, and he laid the
blame of his discontinue all upon his
unfortunate nasal appendage. If it
weren't for my internal nose," he solilo-
quized, II should WOO the widow and
win her" But the fumes of the egg
nog permeated his brain and softened
all his harsher thoughts, so that when
he found his room and crept between
the cold, white sheets of his bachelor
bed, it was with milder feelings toward
all the world, not even emitting his
poor despised nose. Such Lethe, dear
friends, is egg-nog, into which we may
plunge with our sorrows, our dreary
forebodings and our petty hates, and
forget them one and all.
The bells that rang out so loudly, SO
clearl y, SO merrily on that Christmas
morning, awakened Bob Carter from
his heavy slumber, and babe him arise
from his couch, array himself in his
very best attire and proceed to the con-
quest. He rubbed his eyes and listened
to the mighty clamor of the many bells,
and they were more than Christmas
bells to him. They were bells of vic
tory, ringing out to the world the hap
ply tidings that Bob Carter had gained
the lovely widow and assumed control
of the clearinghouse. No more adj
justing of sewing machines for him.
Here was an end to bobbns and shut
ties, and broken threads, and dull
needles, and lost stitches for one and all.
Never again should he hem or fell. or
braid, or cord, or pucker, or tuck. He
had removed his foot from the treadle,
he had detached the belt for all time,
and henceforth some less fortunate in
dividual could run the machine.
"This is the propitious day, and I
hear victory IN the air." he exclaimed,
springing to the floor, and straightway
going about his morning additions.
He had not advanced far in his exer-
else, when it occurred to him that he
should awaken Jack. At once proceed
ing to Jacks room with this motive, he
raped at the door, but there being no
response, he turned the knob and ent-
cred, with the express purpose of pull
ing Jacks nose and arou8ing him from
his stupor; as we have already intimat-
ed that his nose was rather suggestive
of pulling, the fact will probably account
for the mischievous intention which had
arisen in Bob's mind. It was yet early
and the room was quite dark, but pass
ing his hand over the bed he felt the
PROSTATE form of his friend through the
heavy blankets which covered him.
Softly continuing his search, he present
ly detected Jacks heavy beard beneath
his touch, and, almost Immediately, his
fingers closed upon the object of his
quest-but good heavens! the nose was
cold as an iceberg and hard as stone.
Like shock a battery, the awful
thruth flashed through Bob's brain, and
he clutched at the bed-post to save HIM
self from falling, as his lips parted, and
he gasped:
My God! he's deadr
And then the horrid reflection seized
him that he was there alone with the
king of terrors-all alone with the cold
and silent dead, and his feet took unto
themselves wings, and he fled; fled like
! the wretched little coward that he was,
! tearing through the hall like wild
man, and screaming at every step.
| Down the stairway be flew, three steps
at time, bounding like a rubber ball,
and yelled with all the force Of his
lungs:
Jacks dead! Jack Rogers is dead
and cold as clayw
The servants heard him first, and ran
to meet the half-clad lunatic, with gap
ing mouths and wondering eyes. His
suspenders dangled at his sides, his
slippers had dropped on the way, and
his shirt, by your leave, had escaped
! from the confines of his pantalOons; so,
while he was attempting an adjustment
of his apparel, the door of the widows
chamber flew open and the little lady
popped out. She was attired only in a
robe de 1uit-pardon US, but 1t was so
handsomely embroidered that it was a
shame not to give it passing mention
and her face was pallid with fright.
Bob beheld her and broke forth anew.
"P-p-poor Jacks Dead" he chartered,
MuIIG Ills tS6lu IdlIl6u Il ldllOO, anu Ills
limbs shook like aspen leaves.
80, my darling Jack! my dear, dar-
ling jack is he dead?' she walled,
wringing her hands and gazing inquir-
ingly into Bob's face.
Hes dead, indeed" responded Bob,
whose fright had given way to astonish-
ment; land he's stiff as a poker"
''Then bring light, she shouted to
! the maids. as she rushed away to Door