Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-01-27


Heaven wills it, rise this test above,
With the faith and trust of mothers love.
The perfectly contented man is also
perfectly useless.
Why is dog like tree-Because
both lose their bark when dead.
1t is easy to teach virtue by theory
and difficult to teach it by example.
Laziness travels so slow that even
poverty can easily catch and keep pace
with it.
A romantic young man says that a
young woman's beart is like the moon
it changes continually, but always
has man in it.
Every man is miserable sinner in
church, but out of church it is unsafe to
say much about it, except to a small
man.
One of the printed rules in female
seminary is, that none of the pupils
shall eat slate pencils, chalk, soapstone,
or coal.
81 have theory about the dead Ian.
guages," )" said new student. "What is
itY' asked the professor THAT they
were killed by being studied too hard"
A young man from the country was
IN town yesterday and entered a photo
graph gallery to have his picture taken.
After seating him the operator told him
to assume pleasing expression. '.Think
of something cheerful" he said "think
of your girl" A terrible scowl took
possession of the young mans face, and
jumping up exclaimed: Think of the
duce She went home with another fel.
low last night, and she can 90 to thun-
der, for me !" He evidently thought of
her, but the pleased expression was not
forthcoming.
An old darkey who was asked if, in
his experience, prayer was ever answered,
replied "Well. sab, some pra'r RS is ansud
and some isn't-'pends on wat you axes
fo'; jest arter de wah, wen it was
mighty hard scratcin' fo' de culled bred
den. | 'bsarved dat w'enebber | pway de
Lo'd to SEN one O. Marse Peyton's fat
turkeys fo' de ole man, dare was nc
notice took oh de partition; but wen
pway dat he would sen de ole man fo' dc
turkey, de matter was tended to befo
sun up mex mornin', dead sartin.'
All who do not take good newspape,
should have the following warning reac
to them:
| knew two friends as much alike
AS ever were two stumps;
| And no phrenologist could find
| A difference in their bumps.
One took paper. and his life
| Was happier than kings;
| His children all could read and write,
And talk Of men and things.
The other took no paper. and,
While strolng through the wood,
tree fell down upon his crown,
And killed him-as it should.
Had he been reading of the news
At home, like neghbOr jim,
I'd risk a cent this accident
Had not befallen him.
He had been sitting still so long tha
the mother expected to find him asleel
when she looked around and asked
"Well, Harry, what are you thinkin!
Of?" "Ma, are we very rich ?" he sol
emnly inquired by way of reply. "Il
one way we are" she said, "your fathe
says he values me at three million dol
lars, you at two millions, and the bab,
at one." That closed the conversation
on that subject. but next morning a
Harry was getting on his overcoat, h
examined the new patch which had bee
added, and cody observed: "Well,
think father had better sell off abou
half of you or the whole of baby and &c
the rest of us some decent duds to pu
on"
Deacon Thompson who lived in Ohio
owned snug little farm, and was
pretty good sort of man as the worl
goes. He was awful close listed, though
A venerable and much loved divine cam
to his house once to hold a meetin!
After meeting was over the deacon too
the minister over his farm, which
pretty tidy, l tell you; and he shove
him great OK he had, and swingin
big pig, that weighed six or seven hui
dred weight, that he was pretty prOu
of; but he never offered the minist,
anything to eat or drink. The preach,
was pretty tired of all this, and seeir
no prospect of being asked to partial
d with the family. and tolerbly sharp Sc
l. he asked one of the boys to fetch hi
his horse out of the barn. When he WI
taking leave of the deacon 0here We
several folks by at that time), says h
.Deason Thompson, you have fine far
here, a very fine farm indeed you ha'
a large OK too, very large OK; and
= think" says he, "I've seen to-day
J (turning and looking him full in Il
face, for he intended to hit him pret
hardl, 81 think have seen to-day t
biggest hog 1 ever saw in my life." t
5. neighbOrs snickered good deal. and t
deacon felt pretty streaked. He wou
a have given his great pig, or his great
8. either, if that story hadn't got wind.