St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-03-07
Squibs.

'Oh, lndade OF did, Sor; but oi got
there too late for that train, and so OF
waited for the next one." = Harvard
LampOon.
The elasticity of trade is illustrated
by the fact that rubber combs that once
sold for fifty are now offered at five
cents each.
A fond mother, hearing that an earth
quake was coming, sent her boys to a
friends in the country to escape. After
few days she received note from the
friend, saying, Take your boys away,
and send along the earthquake instead"
A shOIt-sighted man went to an op-
tician's to change his glasses, which
were not strong enough. After he had
got the right ones he asked, "What
number must wear after these cease
to he strong enough 2" "This one,''
said the optician, showing him another
pair. And after that 2" '.This.n ''And
after that 2" "After that After that
You'll need little dog and string"
The game the British played was,
heads | win, tails Zulus.-DetrOit Free
Press.
When does the rain become too ia
miliar with lady? When it begins 10
patter on her back.
Brilliant and impulsive people" said
a lecturer on physiognOmy, ''have black
eyes, or if they don't have 'em, they're
apt to get 'em, if they're too impul-
sive."
The University Herald reports the
''funny orator." on the last night of
the University Council, "Send your
sons and daughters to our noble Uni
versity that we may make men of them"
If body meet body call the police
immediately. 1t may belong to Judge
Hilton.-Picdyune.
A little girl visiting neighbor with
her mother, was gazing curiOusly at the
hosts new bonnet, when the owner
queried, "DO you like it, Laura 7" The
innocent replied, "Why, mother said it
was perfect fright, but it don't scare
me-" Laura's mother didn't stay long
after that.
They begged him to play little. He
seemed to feel hashful at first, but after
a while began to paw the ivory viger-
ously. "What power !" said a listener
to the owner of the piano. "Yes," ex-
claimed the latter in alarm, she seems
ought to know that this isn't gymna-
sium.'-Andret.'S Bazaar.
1t is suspected that were Poe still
alive, he would render his most cele-
hrated poem so that the refrain should
read: Said the raven, never, that is,
hardly ever, more.
Indians never kiss each other, and,
having seen a few Indians, we can't
blame them.
A Sabbath school teacher writes TO
the BiddefOrd Times that he was shock
ed to see in a billiard room, around a
table, several boys from his Sunday
school. The boys have not been heard
from, but it is supposed they were
shocked, too.
A young man who was kicked off the
front doorstep while endeavoring to
serenade his girl, by her enraged papa,
was too cautious to call him an old pi-
rate, but he didn't hesitate to designate
him as tree-booter.-Ct. Sat. Night.
When a woman spends three hours in
hot kitchen, and roasts her brains out
almost i'll preparing a tempting and ap-
petizing dinner for her husband, to
which he sits down without a word of
commendatiOn, and replies when asked
how he likes his dinner, ooh, it will
do" the tired-out wife doesn't feel en-
couraged to waste much time on his
supper.-NorristoOn Herald.
A wee friend of ours thinks herself
! quite as smart as her brother, though
she has seen but her fifth winter, while
he is passing through his eighth. He is
doing his first lessons" as a "prlmary,n
and the other day returned from school
not little puffed up with knowledge.
"MariOn," he asked, in that style which
big brother assumes when patrOnizing
little sister, "Marion, do you know
that the earth turns round 2" "Of tos /
does," answered Marion, resenting the
imputatiOn of ignorance "that's the
reason l tumbles out of bed, p Youth'S
Companion.
WHAT'S ONE BULLET TO A Basket
Full Am incident occurredi in the battle
OF Franklin which have never seen in
print. The sanguinary battle was
at its height, and now and then there
was soldier who would not face the
music, and holding on to the idea that
"distance lends enchantment,S on all
such occasions would exhibit his faith
III the idea by taking "leg-bail" for the
rear. These cases we're getting too nu-
merous toward the close of the battle,
and Col, B., A. A. G. of our brigade
was sent back to the rear to intercept
those seeking for safety and return them
to their respective posts of duty.
/ Col. B. said he hailed one fellow
who was making tracks for some place
OF safety with all the energy of despair.
Halt say, and return to your com
mandln
The flying son of Mars took ne notice
of the command.
+ Halt say, and go back to yoal
The soldier paid no attention to him
The colonel now became exasperat.
ted, and yelled out:
i "lf you don't turn and 90 back &c
your command, l will shoot you, sir n
i Without pausing in his flight tht
soldier yelled back to him:
"Shoot and be hanged What's one
bullet to a basketful ~
Col. B. let him go, and after thu
fol- L..