Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-08-27
FUNNYGRAPHS.

BOSTON IOSt.
Quail on toast is worth two in the
brush.-New York Aoil
IT is wise chick that knows its own
ova-coat. -OsDego Record.
RICH miner-I did not know it wa
loded.-New York Herald.
A WHITE man who bad married ne
gress offered color blindness as an excuse.
BLESSED is the bee-holder, for it cells
its own honey and saves the commission.
-Erratic Enrique.
No tramps have been drowned while
bathing this season. The reason is oh.
vious-none have yet bathed.
To make raspberry jam-put 25 quarts
of the berries in your coat tail pocket
and sit on them Waterloo Observer.
We hear of men sowing wild oats, but
who ever heard of q woman sewing any
thing but tares?-6. Louis Journal.
"YoU can't curry favor with me-"
said the mule, with kick, when the
stable boy tried to groom him.
1t is noticeable fact that every man
who has seen the sea- serpent states that
its head is the size of beer cask.
How mems taste differ. One dropped
into his seat at the restaurant and muir
INJURED, "Hot weather!" and his neigh
Dor said Cold mutton
AN Indiana medical student wears a
pair of shoes made of human skin. How
aptly does Hamlet exclain: "To what
base shoeses We may return"
A YOUNG man at Long Branch was
Boosting of his ancestry. He said, "In
the olden time they were very high"
" Yes" said wag, Gas high as Hannah"
"OH, no, Pm not afraid of ghosts; in
deed, I rather like them; hand me fan,
Tom,' and her bravery was rewarded
New Hoven Register.
The old goat tried to butt a circular
saw, and the subsequent proceedings
were but trihe to what the bucksaw.-
~ Y News.
A New HAMPSHIRE doctors remedy
for sea-sickness is railways breathe with
the motion Of the ship" The Boston
Herald wonders what fellow is going to
do during storm.
The Philadelphia Bulletin heads a col
umn article with, "Shan we grow our
own sugar." We answer sweetly,
"We'd raise cane if we did."-Boston
Bulletin.
ONE Of the gunners returning from the
marshes was asked if he had shot any
thing. He said" No; but he had
given the birds a good serenading.-
Nea06uyyport Herald.
THERE'S many a true word, &c.-Land-
lady Ito Smith, who's just left his lug
gage at the station, and is hunting for
lodgings); "Well, we are rather full just
now, must say, but L dare say we can
manage to take you im."-Fum.
The girl of the period-Rusty Kate
girl of the periodical Madge.- KaaCcob
Strauss. The African girl Of the period
-Zu Lu.-CSacinmati Gazette.
SH! Don't give it away. We keep a
bottle with stick in it constantly on
our table. And we find that it adds
much to tighten our editorial Iabors. It
paste to keep it. Yonkers Statesman.
"YoU seem sad and detected tonight,
Claude, DEAR" eyes, darling; men Of
my emotional nature are easily affected
either by the smiles or frowns of for
tune" His washerwoman had discharg-
ed him.-Zndrews' Bazor.
ONE night recently man turned the
gas on in his bedroom at a leading hotel,
and the next morning he was found
hanging to the gas-bracket, perfectly
dead. Gas is very powerful destruc-
tive agent when not properly handled.
This is the time of the year at which
the sylph-like school teacher goes off to
a realm of perfume and flowers, and
presents to her rural relatives the jack
knives and other things taken from her
pupils during the year.-Nea0 York Star
The three proudest moments of a
mans life, between the cradle and the
grave, are, when he gets the first pair of
red-top boots, when the girls first call
him Mister" and when the doctor tells
him it's boy.-Steu5envill Herald.
The editor who quashed juicy cock
roach with the butt end of his lead pencil
and afterward forgetfully sucked the
same while wooipg a coy expression, sud
denly found word but it proved to be
foreign to the subject under lonsidera-
tion.-Rochester EgDress.
For he might have been preacher,
A writer, or teacher,
Or an Adirondackian;
But in spite of all temptation
To assume some other station,
He becomes a blackboard man.
Cho,us-For it's greatly to his debit, etc.
-E.chamge.
CLASS in the agricultural college
Protessor-Is there any way to obtain
good fruit without grating or budding?
Student-Yes, sir. Professor-Please
explain the process. Student-Watch
your chance, and when the farmer goes
to dinner crawl over in the orchard and
steal it-Camoinnati Enquirer.
c., whose death is just announced,
was one of the most secret, dark and
midnight men imaginable. He did not
wish the fact that he was i'll to be made
public; and 50 when his faithful friend
x was asked how the old gentleman was
he took the inquirer by the button-hole
and whispered in his ear: He's dead,
but he doesn't want it known"
"WHAT! You are aware that this
poor fellow had just lost his wife, and
instead of sending him the smallest word