The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-11-26
WAITS AND WHINfS.

A WCRM in the chestnut is worth two
in the mouth.
They called the old man tattling'
good taIker because his teeth were loose
CINCINNATI school boys thought:
" Wonder whether Napoleon ever sat
down on a pin without holleTin' =
Andrelg'5 BdzIf
IT doesn't require any very hard
blows to pound a man into Jelly, if the
jelly be not too Cincinnati Sat1tr-
day Night.
The reason that some men can write
such hard, bitter things, must be that
most ink is usually made of iron and
/ gall.
THE girl who is sweet enough to be
called q " dough hut' before she is mar
ried, is usually sweet enCugh 70 be g
ado naught" afterwards.
A FRIEND of ours remarks that the
reason the softer sex call the men bears,
! is because they hug the girls so tight.
! Logic by the armful.
So ends my tail" as the beo said to
! the boy, at the same time giving him q
practical illustration Of how he con
! Quoted business.
A LITTLE boy came to his mother re.
/ Gently and said: Mamma, I should
/ think that if | was made of dust !
would get muddy inside when l drink"
! JAMES PARTON and Bob Ingersoll have
/ Joined hands. They are satisfied there
is no heaven, because Sankey says
/ "There'U be no Parton there"
A POET sings, "And I covered her up
! with the kiss I gave" He must have
/ been a c0aChmah and put her under the
bus oil city Derrick.
WE are Offering q chrome for a book
| agent who is not selling the finest work
ever before presented for public pat
tOuagc.
He said he wanted her to be his help
meet, and she replied that she could
never be more than assister to him.
Boston Post.
The New Orleans Picaylnc says: It
takes twenty abIe-bodied men to stand
and look at one poor little sign painter
while he is at work.
THE Paris fashion of ladies taking tea
IA bcnnets end gloves doesn't seem
absurd toa country boy Who often drinks
water from bis hat.
A CHICAGO mans nightmare turned
out to be the shadow of his Wife's foot
on the bedroom wall, instead Of an un-
earthly monster with five horns.
"It is easier to raise a beard than
raise a dime," said young Old citizen,
who has stopped shaying.-OH city
Derrick,
Yes" said Johnny, 1aD8us may be
the Latin for slip but notice that
when mother laps as it usually means a
slipper
"ICMLED twice and found you out"
said Mrs. Jones. Very good" said
Mrs. Smith; " had to call but once to
find you OUT
Down in Maryland there is q black
man who is turning white. We can
match it, The other evening we saw
White girl turn red"
A MERIDEN man has mule called
"Confusion." And every time he licks
it, it only makes confusion worse, con-
found it.
A HARDWARE clerk who was a little
green at the business sent 4 couple of
lifting Jacks round to a customer who
ordered pair of razOfs.
WIEN EmperorWilliam, of Germany,
was q Young man, he INDUCED I'M habit
of sleeping all booted and spurrcd, on
cannon to exhibit his fondness for mill
tary IiTa; in his whole career he has al
ways worn uniform and sword.
THE gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer a safe to
pieces to secure fourteen cents, know
how a country ministed feels next day
after a donation visit.
SCENE in q restaurant: Two ladies
seated at Il table. First lady to the
waiter" Bring me an ice-cream,
please" Second lady" I'll have an
ice too" Waiter brings ice cream and
stewed oyster.
TRUTH is not only a mans ornament,
but his instrument, says an adage.
That's correct, but if truth was a double
breasted ulster there are lots of people
who would go through life in their shirt
sleeves.
/ don't see how there ever came to
be so many words in the wOTldW eX-
claimed a girl who was studying her
spelling lesson. Well, sis" said her
brother they come through folks
quawcling, You know, one word al
ways brings on another"
The new fashions cannot be termed
extreme in any respect, and yet the
models present 80 many fresh ideas, and
have such a happy knack of appearing
strange, the beau D1Onde isquite delighted
with the aspect. Both expressions are
agreeable, that of colOrings and design
ings. The picture is indeed fascinating
and one that will not soon weary.
AFTER three medical celebrities had
gone from the bedside of the French
General X, the General rang for his
man servant: "Well, jacques, you
showed these gentlemen ont; what did
they say?" " "Ahi General, they seemed
to differ with each other; the big, fat
one said that they must have little pa
tience, and at the autopsy whatever
that may be--they would find out what
the matter was"
The use of plain and figured materials
for combination suits has become quite
general. Upon a basque or polonaise,
the vest is OF the lowered material. The
sleeves have cuffs that display both fab
RIGS Of the toilet Wide borders are now
seen on overskirts, and though the gar
ment itself is made of plarn material,
the figured goods may cover half the
depth Of the front which is left open
about twelve inches at the centre, and
well taken up on both sides.
A POOR young man fell in love with
an heiress, and the passion being re-
turned, it only wanted the parents con-
sent to make them happy. At length,
meeting the father he asked for the
daughters hand Chow much money