The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1879-09-27
WHIFS: WISE HND WITFY.

detectives are the spies of life.
People call you deer when they would
fawn upon you.
-" All the worlds stage" and all the
men and women want to ride on top.
All the lay preaching in the world will
not make eggs cheap in cold weather.
1t is very natural for mans eyes to be
w2tcry when he has a cataract in them.
-" A charge to keep l have" he remark
ed, as he glanced at a doubtful item oil his
ledger.
=" Professor lice" says an exchange,
"predicts that the hottest spell by far is vet
to come" That is what our preacher says,
too.
1t isn't the waiter who has to learn to
wait at hotel table as much as d guest
We judge from the time it takes to get
served.
A mules head does not contain a brain
capable of culture and refined rearing, but
it is wonderful to what extent the other end
OF his form can be reared.
1t was Trojan lady, niece of Mrs.
Ncneering, and cousin of Mrs. Shoddy,
who invited n friend to come around and
see her new horse and phantom.
"A hair pin was discovered in the heart
of a COW that died suddenly at Fulton, \.
u, recently. The remains of the girl who
wore the pin were not discovered.
Aunt Tabitha-"Tell your mamma,
Rosie, l said you was n very good girl for
bringing tho letters around so carefully."-
Rose" Yes, Aunt Tabitha; and I'll tell her
don't ask you for Il shilling, because sho
told me not to-
In response to a question as to his bust
ness a witness replied: am a retailer OF
wet goods ''Wet goods exclaimed the
judge; "what are they?' " Liquors, your
honor" said the witness ooh, yes, | sec
Wet goods; you mix 'em with water" re-
sponded his honor
A 'obbing English lady, who has just
lost her husband, asked the clergyman Of
her parish whether relatives are able to find
one another readily in the next world He
said emphaticaly that they will be reunited
at once. Then" said she, ''his first wits
has got him By this time
=" Mamma" said wicked youncster.
sam l a canoe" No, child, why do you
ask" "Oh, because you always say you
like to see people paddle their own canoe;
and didn't know but maybe was yours"
The boy went out of the door with more
reference to speed than to grace.
An Englishman was boastinG to a Yam
kec that they had a book in the British Mu-
scum which was once owned by Cicero
ooh, that amt nothin,'' retorted the Yam
kee, g. in the museum in Boston they've got
Adams family Bible with the record OF
marriages, births and deaths complete.
The following is told of young gentle
man who was passing an examination in
physics. He was asked: s'What planets
were known to the ancients?" He respond
Cd, "Well, sir, there were Venus and Jupi-
ter, and after a pause-"l think the
Earth, but l am not quite certain"
The venerable wife of a celebrated ply
stefan, one day casting her eyes out of the
window, observed her husband in the fl-
neral procession of one of his patients, at
which she exclaimed: " l do wish my hu.-
band would keep away from such process
sons, it appears so much like tailor carry
ing homo his work.
The grandma of little four year-old
had been telling her ono day not to say that
people lied, but rather that they were mis-
taken. Her grandmother, to amuse her,
toli her a bear story, which was a tough
one to believe. After she had finished, the
little girl looked up into her face and cx-
claimed "Grandma, that is the biggest
mistaken | have ever heard
A short-sighted lover passed the object
of his affection upon the street without So
luting her, wherefore she takes him to task
at their next meeting. "What weight should
attach to your professions 90 she says, Sc
vcrely; yesterday met you on the street
and you passed on without ever looking ut
me-" "Madame,' replies the offender, gal
lantly, off l had stopped to look at you l
should never have passed on"