The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-01-16
WHOLE NO. 1647.
Miscellaneous.
On the tramp-the flea.

Oh tuo IfaIup-IHe uea.
Who can understand a corn-stalk IS ci
Common please"-"Please remit"
Hush money-the money paid babys
nurse.
Sleight of manufacturing a proposal
of marriage
Why is young wife like hinge2 Be-
cause she is. something to adore.
1t is rough to be poor, but to be
ashamed of it is putting salt on sore.
Ladies will never succeed as railway
conductors. Their trains are always be-
hind. u
Mrs. Partington says that her minister
preached about "the parody of the prob
able son."
the soul of wit" writes, Don't eat stale
Qcumbers. They'll w up" -...r-s
"Joe, I've great nj ind to blow my
brains out" "Why don't you :" said Joe,
nobody would ever know it."
A Boston managing editor jabs out all
and the boys call him "old pupjap."
If women are really angels, why don't
they fly over fence instead of making
such fearfully awkward job of climbing.
A printer hard of hearing at spelling
match, asked the captain to write the
darned word down so a fellow can tell
what it is p At ,..at
Dear me-" said good old lady who
was unable to do all the work she wished,
II shall be glad when l get into eternity,
so as to have plenty of time for every
thing" ~ eid
"Silence in the court rooml" shouted
Texan police magistrate. "The court has
already committed four prisoners without
being able to hear word of the testi-
mony." t-
A Frenchman studying English de-
clares that, inasmuch as number of
COWS are cattle, why number of cats are
not called cowtle is a thing which he
can't understand.
The Bulgarian crown is the first thing
ever declined by General Grant Possi-
bly, he prefers homemade American bull
lets to those used by those fellows in
Europe. = ri u5-t
Connecticut boasts of girl that sleeps
standing up. She ought to marry that
Rochester man who puts his umbrella to
bed and stands himself behind the door
provided there is room for two behind
the door,
AT q temperance celebration in New
market, little lad appeared in the pro-
cession bearing flag on which was in
scribed the following "All's right when
Daddy's sober"
A lawyer who had most absurd case
submitted to him, on being asked "if the
action would lie too, but not otherwise"
What I'd like to know" said school
boy "is how the mouths of rivers can be
so much larger than their heads"
North Carolina was resolved that con-
gressmen shall not starve. She kindly
sent kitchen there. He is man of
great range and full of fire.
An old hat that once belonged to Ma
poleon was recently sold for $685. which
is a good price when we consider that
both the Nap and crown are gone.
A German, telling,the story of his cam
paigns, gives the following interesting
item: "In this battle we lost the brave
Captain Shultz. A cannon.ball took off
his head. His last words were Bury
me on the spot where FELL"
A justice of the peace at New Hartford
married couple the other day, and the
groom asked him his terms, after the
knot was tied. "Well" said the justice,
"the code allows me $2." "Then," the
groom said, there's dollar. That will
make you three"
The Stamford Advocate propounds the
most seasonable pun. Why is man
just out of bed in the morning like the
year 1878? Because he is drawing near
his clothes.
Fellow citizens" said "a local candi-
date, there are three topics that now
agitate the state-greenbacks taxes, and
the penitentiary. 1 shall pass over the
first two very briefly, as my sentiments
are we'll known, and come to the peniten-
tiary, where l shall dwell for some time"
French papers state that Gambetta is
about to marry widow with fortune
of $8000000 If the right-angled and
everlasting truth were told it would pro-
badly be that he was about to marry a
fortune Of $S,000,000 with widow.
How many rods make furlong2'
asked father of his son, fast urchin,
as he came home from school. ."Well, 1
don't know" was the reply of young
hopeful; "but' l fancy you'd think one
rod made an acher if you got such tan
ming as l did from old Scroggins this
afternoon" .i- --r ..f .-----
Mr.. Brown sent his two boys to a
friends until the peril of very malig-
nant fever should subside from the vi
cinity of their home. In a few days he
received this letter: please take your
boys home, and if you must send some
thing let it be the fever"
Patrick Bacher," said the justice,
guilty or not guilty" Faith, your
honor, wait till hear the evidence"
After the evidence was all in the judge
again addressed Patrick: 81 hardly
know what to give you-ten days or ten
dollars" "If it is all the same to you,
judge, I'll take the ten dollars" 49,
A Kansas photographer presented
revolver at the head of gentleman who
was sitting for his photograph, with the
cheering remark: my reputation as an
artist is at stake. If you don't look
smiling, I'll blow your brains out" The
gentleman gave a smile that no newspa-
per humor could have evoked.
Once on a time a Frenchman and a
Dutchman were travelling in Pennsylva-
MIA when their horse lost a shoe. They
drove to blacksmith shop, and no one