The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-12-25
1~ r PASSING SMILES.
jE E&s

Ups.
A slIsER is known by the come
penny he keeps.
On tap-the woodpecker's s sustenance.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
WHEN the tied comes in n"-when
man and wife arrive at home.
THE best way to keep burglars from
spelling is to barrel them-use gum
barrels.
The word right is never pronounced
wrong and the wrong is never pro-
nounced right.
IT is great pity that men can't
make living by running in debt; they
do it with so much ease.
"AN honest man is one of the noblest
works of God,' and we often wonder
why God made SO few of them.
EVERY State has dozen or more
lunatic asylums, and yet not half of the
lunatics are incarcerated.
A LITTLE Sunday school girl remarked
that although Nebuchadnezzar alto
grass like COW, he didn't give milk,
and Nebercood-nezzar!
LITTLE Johnny says: "Talk about
your patent base-burning stoves; my
old mas slipper is hot enough base
burner for me"
LITTLE boy at the opening of the
proposed spelling match: " Let's start
fair, grandmother. You take Nebuchad-
nezzer and TIl take cat"
"WHAT were the worst results oe the
civil war; cried an orator.. "Wid-
ews," shouted Jones, who had married
one N.-~g3 -A...4A~.. ~ kss.aa.
Two little girls were comparing pro-
gress in catechism study. ~ have got
to original SIM" said one. " How far
have you got?' Goa, l have got be
yond redemption" said the other.
NEVER lie in current of air" says
health writer, and the Rockland Courier
rises up in its majesty and says:
"Never lie at ALL" Tuat's so. Sleep
standing up.
A HORSE in Chicago drank two gal
Lions of beer by mistake for water, and
in. about fifteen minutes he danced
around the wagon and wanted to Know
who run that town if he didn't.
AS people, we work entirely too
hard. As witness the fine young fell
low, in the first flush Of manhood, un-
loading twenty schooners of beer in
| day without any assistance whatever.
81 DECLARE mother" said pretty
little girl in pretty little way, 1T
is too bad. You always send me to bed
when ] am not sleepy, and you always
make me get up when I am sleepy"
"WHAT have you been doin' p
asked boy of his playmate, whom he
saw coming out of the house with tears
in his eyes. "fve been chasin' a birch
rod round my father was the snarl-
ing reply.
LAST Sunday certain Newport
mother asked her daughter if she wasn't
going to wear her cloak to church as it
was kind of chilly. She Immediately
replied, Why, no Pm going to wear
my new belt. Ky. State Journal
"WILL 'oo know me, mamma, when
year-old. "Oh, yes, dear, of course.
you think you will know your mammal
"Oh, 'es, Pll know 700 by 700 red hair!"
A GOAT took possession of the en-
trance to the Baptist Church in Port
Byron, N. Y, on Sunday, and rearing
on its hind legs, butted at all corners so
vigorously as to disperse the congrega-
tion.-N. Y. Star. Is there moral to
"a aelored eiss lIllsdge-
vill6 5edsE very Tot his
lsf'5s fsfs:,s Is issl'| ss sSe sos IS sss'so so
the gals II is Eta lime that the
fathers ekould undeTatand the Rosition
they occupy in the family circle, and
cramp down accordingly.
WHEN young Jerry stuffed the old
mans tobacco box with wad of old
combings the other evening, and the
ancient perched himself in the gloam-
ing and loaded his jaw for an evening
chew, the family prayers were dispensed
with, and the bed-slat became intimate
with the boy without any mattress accom-
paniment.- Yonkers Gazette.
JUST as everybody was settling down
to enjoy themselves at a party the other
evening, Master Jimmie appeared in the
room with, "Ain't you folks hungry?
Guess You haven't been saving up your
appetiles for two days as and moth"
The broad and generous hand of his
mother sudde My stopped his converse
tion trap, and he had to save his appe-
tite until morning, when it was satisfied
with broken bits of jelly cake left over.
MANY people still believe in omens.
When Mrs. X, who resides short
distance out in the country, overturned
the salt-cellar a few mornings since,
with blanched face she exclaimed,
Something dreadful is going to hap
pen a'ore night! / know there isp'
Z, And sure enough something dreadful
did happen. A city friend with three
children and three trunks arrived in
the afternoon to spend the summer
with her.
, "GIvE me a new term for Dance"
} said . Register reporter who was writing
i outsan account of bah. "Call it a
, hoof-shaking hoodoo, said the sporting
editor. "Term it the maizey hop"
put in the pupster. "Or healin' toe
Dose" resumed the first assistant pun
, ster. "There's hoe down, that's good
5 old English word" said the commercial
} editor thoughtfully . Poetry Of the
motion of the sole wouldn't be bad"
| interjected the aesthetic editor. You
, might take little gal up to the next
/ one and get an idea," said the smart
: Aleck of the staff COR you might
, polka a note in about getting at the
, chore of the thing he TeTpsichore,
, you know" was the solemn remark OF
} the man who runs the religious column.
, It went ia "dance." That's about the
, amount of comfort man who asks
questions gets in newspaper ofhce'