Litchfield enquirer., 1879-06-26
WHOLE NO. 276S

as he went out of the room, to kick weak old mastiff that lay near the poor. When l beg | ged him, during one of his brief visits to the offs, not to hurt the poor beast, he told me, with an East Nineveh malediction, to ''mind mown biZniz, and he'd mind hs'n." Several | other persons, with more or less distinctive | habits and manners, sat smoking around the | stove, but none more badly eminent than six foot sallOw-c checked youth who wore his neck cloth swinging loose around his handsome throat, and who went by the name of "Bung." | Whether that was his real name or only de- risive one I do not know, but more conceited | ignorant, and profane varlet never have hap | pened to be in company with. He attracted | much attention by his oaths and his watch chain, both being of the most lurid fashion. have often thought of him since, and wondered whether at last he met his ''pendulous suffo- cation," as Sir Thomas Browne, in his grand manner denominates hanging.
 The landlord, seeing my stranded and hope less condition, was good enough to hitch up seat beside me, and enter into conversation with me. He struck into talk rather abrupt | y, thought, about 'sdosofy," but 1 saw his drift at once when he made this remark: .
 'Im kind ov fosofer myself, folks thinks raound here.''
 ''In what way, Mir. Todd?"
 'Wa'al, Sir, I'm great study-er ov the sac-rid books that is to say, I'm to home in the writins ov Scripter. I've looked into them subjicks good deal, hev. Put me on to Romuns or Deuteronomy, and some Ov them other old anshunt books, and ken hold my own. -four new minister and me gets at it sometimes on pint O doctrin, and tween us both we make the fur fly, I tell yew. My wife sez Pm gifted, as 'tware, at recSncilin' parsages that pears to differ. -four minister's ruther up and dressed on the Commandments, | but he's green and colt-y on dOctrin'. so to speak; he don't go daewn deep enuf for me-" | A pause, and then, with burst of wisdom 'Pauls master-hand, ain't he? He gin it to lem good up there on Mars-es Hill, didn'the, yew?"
 replied.
 ''Took lem right off their feet, didn't he, l yew ?"
 assented fully to the complimentary state ment concerning the apostle. | Here the landlord was called away to give some directions about shoeing horse. But he soon returned, and lolling back in his chair which he again placed next to mine, reopened the colloquy: ''Ever met Prerfesser Thrum -'Lias J. ?'
 sw '1 never have. Who is he?" ''Oh, he's geenyus; one O the finest pear l ing old gentlemen ye ever see highly edye- cated, comes of good family, and jest as keen's brier."
 1 "What's his business TH
 l 'Preachin' and and pillin, mostly: he's | principle agent for the Ben Franklin Self SUD- portiu' Pill, and he ex'orts evenin's when he's travellin' Tie wimmin-folks jest goes crazy | abaou t'Lias No discaount of Lias J. Thrum, 1 tell yew Sings hymn like a swollyer. | Good many min'ste is more or less pester'd in prare, but 'Lias goes rite long, s If nOthin' | l all was the matter. No hitchin' and caughin' to him when he'S ingaged frees bird, every time.'
 ''Is he good speaker?'
 "The most sperretted ye ever heered."
 ',Fne voice?'
 "Clearas quill, and louder'n gun. When l the winders is open in aOur school -haouse, where he labors frequent enny body t'other side the river ken hear him. He meks things jump, tell yew, when he gifts agoin'!"
 HHppw wGNh is he eehnss in SSHHm e' ' ye may uepenu l Karnt ketch 'Lias where the wool's short,
 from Genesiz to Revuations. Wish ye'd
 heered him tackle wun O yore Boston transil- | dentist fellers who woZ up heren East Nine
 veh last summer. Fun then, I tell yew.
 There warn't piece left ov that Massechusett
 onbelievsr's big as cosepn Sumbdy said
 that air radikel he'd lost his mind. Lias bust
 aout larfin, and sez he, I wouldn't pick it up ef I found it layln' raound enny where That's 'Lias he's just quick's flash. He's
 barmY Giyud all over, and abg dog under the
 wagon tew boot, as the old sayin' is" | "Are the Ben Franklin pills popular in this
 town?"
 | 'Yes, Sir, and ev'ry where else, tew. Look | here yew. Jest work into your lecters suthin 'baout them pills, and 'Lias I'll sartisfy ye well for yer trubble. Most estonishin' cures them pillss brought abaout! Miss Witkum, daown here to the Four Corners couldn't see aout Ov her head for moren year. on account ov her l havin', both to wunce, neurology and dispepsy on the spinel marrer but 'Lias cured her up
 with cupple O boxes cleans wissel Hiram | Perkings's teeth was all a-gittin' loose, but Q box and harf O the Ben Franklin fixed 'em in l again tIght's drum. Hundreds o cases jest 1 like these is we'll known ill aour caounty, and all over the United States. My brother-in-law 'Rastus Frink's bin in evry port in the world | cept Californy, and he sez the craOwned | heads in .Urup IS naow takin' 'em ev'ry whese. | Wish ye could hear the perfesser, with tears | in his eyes, indorse Rastuss statemunt r' ! ''The professor believes in the efficacy of the pills he is dealing in so largely, 1 sup pose?'
 ''That's so, and well he may, for they saved his life when he had water on the heart 80 1 bad"
 | "Whcn was that ?"
 ''Y ears ago, when he was a young man, comparatively speakin'. Let's see: he was | 'tacted with this water on the heart when he l was sent's missionary into the old 'Gypshun country. He tells the story that when he got | rOrt up a-speakin' to them heather ladies and | jentlemen over there on the bank Ov the Nile, l his feelin's was teW much for his strength, l and so this water sot in, fusL on his chist
 Pooty soon, he sez, his heart gut het up and
 went to bin' If ye put yer ear daown, ye could hear it. Wa'al, 'Lias spent thaOusands
 Q dolluz, callin' in the doctors near and fur. No use! They all gin him up and he come
 home to die. One day he overheered man
 in New York say the Ben Franklin pills was shore remedy for water on the heart, and 'Lias
 went in for box on 'em; kep takin' box arter
 bok, and at the end O the fifteenth or sixteenth box Che don't naow Zactly remember which it was), he begun to improve, and the sizzlin' | stopt inside ov him. Out O gratitood he ex- | cepted agency, and he's gone on introducn' them pills into ev'ry quarter O the known | globe. Turkey, Prooshy, Aysha, every where ! most, he's introduced lem by word O maouth. When he goes aout to Ingey he alters stops at the pallis, and all the high-priests waits on him about. The grandees thinks ev'ry thing 1 on him aout there in Ingand and Rooshy It's goods play to hear 'Lias tell over his travels ! aout there. When he went to Kanky-noo, | aout in Jappan moren a hundred elefunts, all \ rigged up in golden jewills, walked tew and | tew in the royle procession to meet him on the wort. 'Lias sez the kings family warnts him | to come aout there and settel, but he ruther l thinks he sharn't dew it at present. He's dreadfully 'tached to this 'ere form O guvern- ment, but he may alter his mind, byine-bY, ! and pull up stakes agin. Wish ye could see Prerfesser Thrums kleckshun curositz he gut together in Jruslum: gut leetle piece O Maount Arrerroot 'mung lem, and genowyne lock O hair O the prodigul son. One the most valoeble things he's gut's the stun that killed Collar sez he wouldn't take ten thaou- sand dolluz for it bin offered nine by the British guvment, over'n over agin." ,...t
 ''1 noticed you call MT. Thrum Professor. What is he professor of T"
 Religion and doctrin' mostly, guess His keerd runs 'Prerfesser 'Lias J. Thrum- the Ben Franklin Self-supportin' Pills, whole sale and retail'"
 Here the landlord belng called away again, disordered, unsavory individual in an arch@- ological dogskin cap. who had been furtively listening to the hosts enthusiastic remarks