Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-01-01

ana 3icAngs reacneo hlm iro0 poor souls - tASal
And little children's lovss. and old useu's pgayss,
And Crest Hand II II led him unawasDs.
TUNNYoRAPHs.
81
: "HAvE you colognef" she aaked
"No ms'am," replied the druggist; $"
: have NO scents ut all" She said h
didn't look ss though he had.
A PRETTY girl down east il 4 mind
reader" She said to bashful beau the
other night: LA! believe you're
going to kiss mel" She was right.
| A CHIcoPEE small boy declined to O.,
soup at dinner the other day, on the
ground that he "hadn't any teeth that
were little enough for soup"
I DEs MONIES, Ia, has braa band
composed of printers. They set mp type
all day, set up the neighborhood during
the evening, and then get set up them
selves about midnight.
| CAMBRIDGE is proud of . young wo-
man 30 innocent and pure-mindod that
she remarked to her intended the day
previous to their marriage: Now mind,
| won't have baby brought into tho
house."
THE editor of the Hackensack RspS6-
Hcan went to call on his girl, when hs
saw on the front steps sign which said,
" Beware of the paint" He went away
sighing, " never before knew that she
painted"
The Syracuse Times remarks: The
man who can look his red-haired land
lady in the eye, and converse shout The
prospects for sleighing, while he draws :
long hair Of a deep auburn shade from
the butter, is hero.
"OH, GRANNYl" cried little Tommy
At the top Of his voice, ~ Just seen the
biggest anti 1t couldn't begin 70 git
into that door," Granny was duly q.
cited, but not 10 much 10 when Johnny
told her 1t was an elephant.
"WHAT is your name?" aaked 4.
teacher of boy. "My names julie"
was the reply; whereupon the teacher
impressively said: !" You should have
said Julius, sir. And now, my lad"
turning to another boy, "what's your.
namef" "Billious, sir"
"YoyNa men may die" cheerfully re-
marks an insurance circular on our t.
BILE, "old men must" This may BE- all
right, professionally, but doesn't ftsound
rather peremptory on the old menu
Darlington Hdwkeye.
TWAS two weeks before Cbristnas
When al through the hose
The young folks wore sttrrfn9--
And . young lady Weighing oae handssd anA
sixty pounds, Who went 70 The closet to "a
egoblst, was sarsd almost to lsafh " 81 =
dear little mouse.
Nor. Asva,A
ONE reason why Dennis Kearney
didn't speak at Cheyenne was because
the people had fifty-eight dozen eggs laid
up for him.-Fyee Pres. If the egxs
were laid expressly for Dennis, its
wonder they didn't Cheyenny at him.-
PAila. Bulletin.
NoTHING s3othes Q tired heart and
weary brain 30 much - Kindly word
and loving kiss; but il the tashion
prevailed in this section of the country
we are afraid the young men would
have "a tired heart and weary brain"
all the timc.--Nev York Ezpress.
"YoU see," said the host genially, 1t
dinner, "there is nothing mean about
me. All through the house everything
is regardless Of expense. Ny servants
drink the same wine 1 do" "Yoa
mean" says guest gently, that yoa
drink the same wine the servants do"
You young scamp" cried an elderly
gentleman, as he caught ! little urcAia
in the act Of picking hi. pocket, "aren't
you ashamed OF yourself! You % young
and thief already" aOh, gamnon,
the urchin. II Ike that!
Amt you ashamed of yourself f-you %
old and amt got silk pocket handker-
chief yetr
JOSH BILLINGS asks and answers 40
follows: "What il an editorf An edi-
tors bissines IL TO write ont editorialA
grind out poetry, sort manuseSipts, ksep
] mighty big waste basket steal matter,
lite other peoples battles, take white
beans and apple sass for pAy when he can
ret it, work nineteen hours ont Of twenty
Iour, and be damned BY everybody"
SCENE: Four examiners sitting On ~
Dody Of one more unfortunate at the
schools Innocent of anything
5criptural was he. Il there NO text n
he whole Bible" said one in grim d.
pair, " that you can tell us?" A lght
beamed in the young mans eyea "YoAn
be said, with steady gaze, i d ~
member one; !" looked up and Nv
Four great beasts" That young nan
was ploughed. Y
SOMETHING to frighten OF tha rats:
Having first for some days placed pieces
Df cheese in . particular part OF the
premises, 90 - to induce tho rats 70 coans
q q ~