The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-07-26
NUMBER Is.
PASSING SMILES.

poster.
A DISCREET husband. Dear John, we
have been married six years, and you
have not yet told me how my looks
pleased YOU john Well, Eliza, did
not want to hurt your feelings"
If we won't learn anything only by
our own experience, just about the time
we git an educashin we are ready to die;
but if we will profit bi the experience
ov others, we kan git our learning as we
go along.-,josh Billings.
This caps it. Says the New York
Commercial advertiser: Several papers
have been making fun of the Duke of
ArgylPs red hair, but he cant help it,
gentlemen; he was born So" Sort o.
redheaditary, eh Boston Transcript.
A YOUNG man, the other day, got mar
ried against the wishes of his parents,
and. requesting friend to break it to
them, said: TEL them Pm dead, old
fellow, and gently work them up to the
climax"
IT seems remarkable that nice easy
chair at home is so much less comfort
able to n man than the hard side of a
| dry goods box on street corner with
crowd of loafers around. - Steubenvile
Herald.
The City Council of Pueblo, Col,
passed an ordinance against the carry
ing of concealed weapons, and ON the
following day most of the male residents
appeared on the streets with revolvers
and daggers stuck in belts outside of
their coats.
SHE said; /" love you dearly, but your business
must know :"
He whispcred Pm clergyman" She screamed:
lie couldn't stand her cold contempt, her bursts Of
seornful laughter.
60 he joined a band OF MINISTRIES, and they were
married shortly after.
A SOFT answer, ETC., --Coster Ito
swell, who has accidentally knocked up
against him)--" Now, then, yer hear,
who a. you a-shovin' Off" Swell--"My
good man, what preposterous ques-
tion Aw--how the deuce do knowY
! - Fun.
WHY did Ennis cross the AtlanticY"
anxiously asks the Chicago Tribune.
We haven't the honor of personal ac-
quaintance with John, but we presume
he crossed the Atlantic simply because
he couldn't possibly go around it.-H
mira Gazette.
ENNUI is simply a malignant type Of
incidence, indigestion and bile. An eff
fort properly made will drive it away,
and we can then go ahead with the
business of life as cheerily as ever. In
other words, just exercise the foul fiend
and ennui-go.
Mr.. Tapenthred isn't in, see," said
an old shopper to the clerk in attend
ance. No, IN, he's at home to-day"
81 suppose he's got nothing new~
Yes, IN, he has; he's got pneumonia"
You don't say so; what are you get
ting yard for monia now"
SAY mean thing of man in news
paper, and pretty soon he will hop
around to the Office to serenade the edi-
tor with horse-whip, but write good
thing Of him and he will pass you on the
street unnoticed. Such is the sad life
of an editor Quincy Modern Argo.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON is sixty-six
years old. Once, when student Of
Harvard College went to him asking the
meaning of one of his sentences, the
sage of Concord said II do not remem-
Der what ] meant; you should nave
asked before the ink was dry"
SOME fellows may follow the tickle
goddess of Fortune for whole lifetime
and never get near enough to kiss the
hem of her garment, while fat footed
luck pursues others with club and
KIN ,cks the gilded balls of wealth straight
into their nand at every clip.-Rome
Sentinel. 'Ve
A TEsTATRIx at Sost, in Germany,
left her money to her brothers and
sisters, but added: eff brother VII
liam marries in his old age, he shall have
nothing" Legal experts hold that Will
liam, a robust sexagenarian, can receive
nothing, as until his death it can not be
known whether he marries or not.
JOHN KEMBLE had the honor of giving
the Prince of Wales lessons in elocu-
ton. According to the vitiated pro-
nunciation of the day, the Prince, in
stead of saying "oblige," would say
obleege;" upon which Kemble, with
much disgust depicted on bis counte-
nance, said, "Sir, may l beseech your
Royal Highness to open your jaws and
say obligeY'
PASSION seems to have at last very
sensibly decreed that for ladies who are
in circumstances that per nits them to
own two or three dresses, one of them, at
least, for street wear, shall be short
enough not to mop off the pavements or
sidewalks. Those, however, who pos
sess but single gown, and have to
wear that long, may utilize the same
for performing the labors of the scaven-
gers without compromising their gen.
Utility thereby.
IT is fun to watch man endeavOring
to raise the cork out of the neck of an
ink bottle with gimlet. The cork gen.
orally comes out pretty hard. especially
when it is covered with sealing wax;
and some how or other the ink flies up
in his face and all over his shirt front
that is, if he has on new shirt. If
the shirt happens to be old and of no
use the ink flies over his shoulder and
dapples the wall.
THIS is too good to keep. Although
happening some time since, IL will bear
repeating, even at this late day. A
schoolmistress in neighboring town
ship, who had long been annoyed by the
peryersities of a male pupil of nineteen,
on one Of the closing days of last term
kept him in and undertook to whale
him. He, however, disarmed her and
returned several kisses for each blow.
| The schoolmistress, unable to forgive
| this breach Of discipline looking at him