Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1879-03-19
A Wife Who Is Seldom at Home.


Wife Who Is Seldom at Home.
When the peddler rang Mr.. Birds
door-bell, the other day, Mr.. Bird him.
self opened the door. Mr.. Bird had
the baby upon his arms, and there
were four other children at his heels.
is the lady of the house ln?' asked
the peddler.
Certainly she isn't!' replied Bird
She is out. She Is cut. She Is
perenlally and eternally out!'
Where can / see her?
why, 90 down to the Woman SAT-
frage Club-rooms, and if she is not there
20 to the society for the prevention OF
cruelty to animals. and if she has lett
there, visit the hall of the association
for alleviating the miseries OF the
senegambians, and If she has finished
up there. look for her at the church aid
society or at the 9th Ward Soup House
or the hsme of the ene-legged, or at the
refuge for lnfrm dogs, or at the hos
pital for the asthmatc, or at the st.
Polycary Orphan Asylum, or at some
of these places. Ii you get on her trail
You'll see more paupers, and strong
minded women, and under-clothlng
for the heather than you ever saw in
the whole course of your life.
Il wanted to sell her a cold-handled
Iat-lron, just out. Do you think she
will buy onc?'
she will it, you can prove tia. the
naked cannibals in Senegambia are
yearning for cold-handed hat'irons. She
would buy diamond breastpins for those
niggers if they wanted them, believe
L intended also to offer a new kind
of hair-pin, which -
All right. You Just go down to the
home for the one.legged, and persuade
those cripples to cry fE immoyable
hair-pins, and she'll order 'em by the
tom
Has she any children:'
sWell. I'm the one that appears to
have 'em, Just now, anyhow
Because 1 have a gum-tep for
feeding bottle that is the incest thing
yon ever saw
Now said Mr.. Bird, I'll tell you
what YOU do. You get those paupers
to swear they can't eat the soup they
get at the soup-house with spoons, but
they must have it from bottle with
rubber nozzle, and Mrs. Bird will keep
you so busy supplying the demand that
YOU won't have chance to sleep. You
iust'try it. Buy up the paupers! BRIDE
.emp
How'll | know he: if | see her"
why. she's large woman with
bent nose, and she talks all the time
You'll hear her talking as soon as you
oct within a mile of her. She'll ask
YOU to subscribe to the Senegambian
fund and to the Asthmatic Asylum be-
fore YOU can get your breath. Probably
she III read you Or 5 letters from re-
formed cannibals. But don't you mind
'em. My opinion is she wrote 'em
herself
.Itdon't make any difference. But
Won might mention that since she lett
home the baby has had four fits, johnny
has fallen out of the pear tree and
cracked his skull. Mary aud Jun BON
have something like Group, and Tommy
has been bitten by Jones dog IL
won't excite her. She won't care
cent: but I'd like her 10 have the latest
news. Tell her f she can manage 10
drop in her for minute between no"
and the 4th of July, she might, may BE-
wash the baby and give the other
children chance to remember hew she
looks. But she needn't come il it will
interfere with the happlest of the one
legged mendlcants, or make her
asthmatlc patients miserable. Mind'
and mention it to her now, Will your
Il will
All right, then, I'll 90 in and put
some fresh sticking-plaster on Jcnnny's
skull
And with the baby sinsinga a yoclier-
ous solo. and the other children cllnglng
to his leags, Mr.. Bird retreated and shut
the door. The peddler had determined
to propose to a girl that might. Ho
changed his mind, and resolved to re-
main batchelor.-Mar Adeler.
Ifyou see bank note on the side
walk or crossing be sure you pause,