The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-11-14
VARIETIES.

-"If there's no moonlight will you meet
me by gaslight, dearest Julia ?" mo Au-
| gustus, | won't" she replied; "Pm no gas
meter"
-Governess-"Now, Jack, if were to give
twelve pears to Maude ten to Edith and three
to you, what would it be?" Jack Jagged sx)
1T wouldn't be fair
| "A schoolmstress asked a child what see
spelt. The child hesitated Said the teacher:
"What do | do when | look at Mr. Smith p
"Thquint," replied the pupil.
| -Teacher-"Which of you can mention
three animals that live in Africa?" johnny
81 can Mr.. Ferule." Teacher-"Well let's
hear" Johnny-"Two monkeys and par
| rot"
An old lady recently directed the atten-
| ton of her husband to pair of twins, re-
marking as she did so, "How much these two
children look alike especially the one this
| way"
-"Little girl" said the kind-hearted old
| lady, attracted by the angelic child, II will
make you present ola toy. Which will you
have this tea set or this doll ?' "Both of en-"
said the simple child,
-"Are you a professor of religion, my lit
| tie fellow? ?" asked lady of her pastors six
ycar-old boy, recently mo, ma'am," was
the little boys prompt response, pm only
| the professors son p
"A perplexed German who had made a
garment for youth, and found himself unable
to dispose of the surplus fullness which ap-
peared when trying it on the young candidate,
declared vociferously that ode coat ish goot
1t ish no fault of de coat. De poy is too
slim p
-."Well my man," said military doctor
to patient who had been on "low diet" for
| a long time, show are your" Much better,
sir" Gould you eat small chicken to-day"
that could, STRIP "What would you like it
stuffed with?" "Please, your honor" replied
the hungry patient, 81 would like it stuffed
with another"
"A bold, bad burglar recently broke into
the house of an editor, in the night The edi-
tor awakened and questioned the intruder =
"What are you looking for?" Money" said
the burglar, gruf1ly. "Hold on minute"
quoth the editor, "and l will help you; I've
been looking myself for ten years, but perhaps
the two of us will have better luck"
"A gentleman observed an urchn who had
a large slice of bread in his hand, and who
was crying very bitterly. my son." he ex-
claimed, what are you crying about ?"-
Mother won't (boo- 100000 putany butter on
my bread (boo-hoo-oopD "Oh, is that all"
said the gentleman. Come, dry up your
tears and be man." at amt so much the
butter" retorted the little urchin, "It's the
disposition of the old woman"
"A San Francisco tailor, who has had the
extreme felicity to take Gen Grants measure
and fit him with a suit of clothes, is advertis-
ing the fact in all the west coast newspapers.
There was tailor once who made pair of
trowsers for Gen. Andrew jackson. During
the latter's Presidency, at a reception given
him at Barnum's Hotel, in Baltimore, the
aforesaid tailor approached the general and
cordially clasped his hand.
81 do not recall your name," whispered the
old Democrat; "pray favor me with it."
81 made your breeches," whispered back
the embarrassed tailor
Gentlemen, said Gen. Jackson, turning to
the assembled company, "letme present to you
my friend, Major Bridges"