The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-04-26
FUNNYGRAPHS


The shad is the Bonypart of the fnny
tribe.-BOston Transcript.
TEXAS papers speak of summary exc
cutions. Kind of moose summary, as it
were.-N. Y Herald.
A CASH business is not ruined by a
lack of c0ntidence.-Ne30 Orleans Picov-
tRe.
GIRLS should remember: "Where
ignorance is bliss it's folly to be wives"
-Binghant0n Republican.
THERE is no beautiful spring at Mag
ara. 1t is always fall there, by the
water.-N 0. Picayune.
{" AM going to attend caucus" said
Limerick, as went out to feed the tame
crow.-B0ston Post
THE numberless one-eYed men about
the country speaks volumes for the pop
ularity of archery Waterloo Observer.
Do they call them spring chickens on
account of the elasticity of their Joints.
N Y. Neacs.
1T is singular thing that no railroad
man has ever applied for a patent on
the day break.-HaaCkeye.
The police of New York are being
vaccinated. But what's the use of it;
they never catch anything Chicago
Times.
A MANS curiosity never reaches the
female standard until some one tells him
his name was in yesterdays paper
NeaO York Star.
II is good suggestion that negro
minstrel blacks his face in order to hide
his bushes when he makes his usual stale
jokes-N. 7. Herald.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Boston
Transcript suggests the following change
in a familiar line: "For men must
work, and women must walk"
NEVER look gift gun in the muzzle.
-HockensG;k Republican,. 1t should be
h0nored in the breech.--NeW Havem
Register.
IT is strange that hungry people will
fight to break will when the will itself
is so hungry that it has to have lots of
provisions.-Bostsn Fost.
TIE Sweet Singer of Michigan says
fattery has not turned her head. They
should try her with new bonnet on the
head of another woman.-N. o. PicGyune.
FIRST SOPHOMORE" Have you been
to see Mary Anderson?" Second Sophie
more-"No, | really must go. How
many miles is she now?" Columbia
Spectator.
AMONG the curiosities at the Canaan
daigua loan exhibition was scrap book
containing 1876 addresses taken from en-
velopes, each spelling Canandaigua in
different way, and not one of them right.
"SMILE when you can," is the latest
thing we are asked to 90 by those gratu-
itously admonitory beings, the poets.
No one can smile when he can't-San
francisco Post
The jury that held an inquest over
the body of a man frozen to death,
brought III q verdict "that the Their
mometer was guilty of murder in the
tenth degree-below zezo.- Whitehall
Times.
An agricultural paper advises the
farmer TO count his sheep every day. If
1t comes that, we should advise the
farmer to move into a better neighbor-
hood.--TSrner's Falls Reporter.
No sooner does tie inner man rise
superior to springs hillary depression
spectre of the coming strawberry short
cake.-B0ston Transcript.
Miss PHEMIE BLoDGETT, of this state,
ate nutmeg, and was Immediately
seized with sickness that nearly cost
her her life. So much for not patroniz-
ing home productions.--Danbury (Ct0
Ne1Cs.
THEY tried to kill a book agent at
Omaha, last week. He was robbed,
thrown into the river, knocked off the
cars, tossed from a high bridge into the
river again, and in two hours he was
around with an illustrated Bible, trying
to get subscription from the head Of
the attacking party.
Full soon on the Powerful meadow,
The lanbkin will gambol aud play:
Full soon in the aisles of the orchard,
The blossoms will fall in g spray
For soen in the domicis scrubbing
The girl will wax angry and faint;
Full soon we shall see a pacard,
" Look out for the paint"
-Nele York star.
AT Yale, long ago, was a student
named Dutton, who was bald. One day,
at recitation, another student burst out
The tutor asked what was
the matter. The student made an effort
to be quiet, but soon there was another
explosion. The tutor then insisted on
knowing the cause. The student said:
g A fly kept trying to light on buttons
head, and be slid off every time" -Josr-
nal Of Education.
MIssUs-" Do you know, Henry, l do
believe after one or two lessons | shall be
able to cook dinner as we'll as any one,
and then We need not keep q servant.
Won't that be saving?" Not a saving
Of time, though. A. a rule, when the
cook doesn't have holiday the Dove
turtles dine at 6, and It's half-past
now, and the rabbit not skinned YETI
" By the way, Henry, how do you be-
gin to skin a rabbit"
A REFRACTORY Irishman in our coun.
ty jail, one Dennis McGinniss, refused to
work. The keeper said to him one
morning, McGinniss, you 90 to work
or to the pump" "Niver," replied the
lrishman. A second time the keeper
ordered McGinniss to work, but he re-
fused to bulge sn inch "Now, for the
last time, McGinniss," exclaimed the
keeper, 'You go to work or to the
pump" Niver, sir" said McGinniss,
strengthening up to the full dignity Of
man, "Begad, sir, PlI lave the iail
irst. "-Rartford Post.
A LOUISVILLE young woman writes
% modest and stupid youth. yes,
when you asked me if | would marry
Eou-oh! l ought not to have done il,