Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-02-02


q soda cracker lunch at the corner gro
Gerry.
A railroad brakeman in St. Louis
dreamed he heard the long whistle, and
nearly twisted his wife's ear off. His
wife said he might reverse her "switch, !"
but she would rather not have her ears
taken for engineers.
Doctor, ny daughter seems to be going
blind, and she's just getting ready for
her wedding, too! 0 dear me, what is to
be dones" "Let her go right on with the
wedding, madam, by all means. If any
thing can open her eyes, marriage will"
Its all very WE'LL" said henpecked
husband, when told to s'look after the
children, sits all very we'll to tell me
to mind the youngsters; but it would suit
me better II the youngster would mind
me-"
"Phil, my jewel" said Pat, 'sI'm mighty
sorry ye can't dine with me to-day:
Sarah, and why can't 1 dine with ye?'
said the astonished Phil. because nv
dear" returned Pat, 81 haven't asked We
as YETI
According to the Elmlra Gazette, ga
woman takes her nightcap, looks in the
glass, and jumps into bed; the old man
looks in the glass, takes his snightcap
aand-.generally stays up all night" a
distinction with decided difference.
A physician, finding lady reading
Twelfth Night, said: "When Shake:
speare wrote about Patience on monu
ment, did he mean Doctors patients? g
'No," she answered; you don't find them
on monuments, but under them"
Mrs. Mackay, wife of the Bonauzs
king, has over $250,0OO worth of iewelry
and when she gets the toothache she sui:
ters just as much as the woman whose
bracelets and diamonds came from the
nlnety-nlne cent store.-NorrSstoaon
Herald.
The Post Office department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
correspondence of his wife. But this de.
clslon will not prevent man from carrv.
ing his wife's letter around in his inside
coat pocket three weeks before mailing
-N0rristoaon Herald.
ut seems to me-" said customer to
MS barber, "that in these hard times YOU
ought to lower your prices for shaving. >
" Can't do it," replied the barber
Nowadays everybody wears such a
long face that we have a good deal more
surface to shave over.'
A country surgeon, who was bald, was
on a visit to friends house, whose servant
wore wig. After bante1ing him con-
siderable time, the doctor said, ssYou see
how bald I am, and yet 1 don't wear a
wig" "True, cir replied the servant
but an empty barn requires no thatch.''
A man NAV sheer at a woman all he
will because she can't sharpen lead
pencil, but she has the smile on him
when he stands holding an occupied sus-
pender button in his hand and wonders
If it will hurt less to pull the needle out
OF his thumb the same way it went in, or
push it on through
A littlagirl visiting a neighbor with
her mother was gazing curiously at the
hosts new bonnet, when the owner quer-
led, do you like il Laura!" The inno-
cent replied, ''WhyY mother said it was
a perfect fright, but it don't scare me-"
Lauras mother didn't stay long after
Observation-Disclosures.
A correspondet,twanfs 10 known "What
is the singular of neasles?" The spots,
woman, the spots; there's nothing else
singular about measles that we ever heard
of. And come to think of it, the spots
are generally plural, too. 1t would be a
poor, feeble measle that couldn't raise
more than one spot.-Haaok-Eye.
This is boys composition on girls:
"Girls are the only folks that has their
own way every time. Girls is of several
thousand kinds, and sometime one girl
can be like several Thousand girls if she
wants to do anything. This is all know
about girls, and father says the less
know about them the better off I am.
A lazy physician, who had been out
shooting, on coming home complained
that his luck had been very bad, and
wound up by saying:
Il didn't kill anything"
''That's because you didn't stay at
home to attent to your legitimate bust
ness!" spitefully retorted his wife.
"Papa, me has been baptize, amt me?"
asked little year-old. Eyes, dear"
"Then me won't have to be baptize
again?" "No; but can you remember
anything about being baptized?" Il
dess | CAMP "Well, what did the min
lister do to you?'' HE showed up my
sleeve and stuck a knife in my arm.''
(Master Charlie and his family are
spending few days at the house of that
promising artist, Mrs. Vandyke Browne. J
Mrs. V. B.: swell, Charlie, boy, why are
you looking so hard at that picture?'
Charlie: ''Why, mamma says that every
time she looks at this picture it makes
her sick, and I thought I'd see if it would
me-"
"Do you own any gas stock?" Atom
said to Molecule, while they were dis
cusslng Edison's electric light. "Any
gas talk?" replied Molecule. ''Do I own
any? Well, ldon't know that own it,
but l." He looked nervouslY up at
his wife, who was regarding him very in
tently, and asked Atom if he had ever
been IN Omaha.
The average man will sit passive in a
BARRIERS chair and unmurmu ringly sub
NIT to have his countenance veneered
with soapsuds and thumped with a wad
Of hog bristles, but if his wife should &C
cidentally spatter him with a dish-clout,
all the recording angels in the land
couldn't do justice to the remarks
Yonkers Gazette.
s'Hablt'' is hard to overcome. If you
take off the first letter it does not change
"a bit" If you take another you still
have a "bit" left. If you take off still
another the whole of s.it'' remains. If
you take off another it is not sst'' totally
used up. All of which goes to show that
if you wish to be rid of sshabit" YOU