The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-09-11
BRlC-I Il BR-1C.


--Orators who wish to strengthen
their voices during the fall campaign
should cat onions.
1T is strongly suspected that Edi-
cons electric light has clopcd with the
hectey MISUNDERSTANDING.
"A Mr.. Olds, Of Columbus, has in-
vented an improved refrigerator. He
must be IL gentleman of the Olds cool.
Gin. Sat. Niyht.
Cunning men ALWAYS oct beat i'm
tic long run, because they arc lust as
dull on one side rs they arc sharp on
the other.
,-"To the poor all things arc DOOR,"
Salu the grocer, as he weighed out Il
nall pound Of his most robust butter
tor Il ragged little fellow with ten
cent piece.
Tho icc-crcan rctailcd at some of
the down town restaurants is fcartullv
and wonderfully made. If the frost
could be got out Of it it might be sold
for cotton flannel.
An English paper states that cab
stcmious' and "lncctious' are the ONLY
words in the English language in
which vowcls follow each other in
their proper order.
The correct style ofplug-hat for
the fall will be Il last years tile cut
down half Il story, and the holes in the
tcp plugged up with old canvas.-N.
} ETp,eSS.
"A boy will fight like fury for his
place at the first table; but when it
comes TO turning the grinhstonc after
dinner he's harder 10 find than five
aces in pack Of cards.
The farmers OF Pamlico county,
North Carolina, arc getting mad be-
cause the bears eve eating up their corn
crop. They wanted to save the corn
for their own brcwin' Boston IIou-
script.
When basket Of eggs is left on q
stairway II is difficult TO decide who
feels The worst about it, the man who
left them there or the man in lavender
trousers and low shoes who found
them.
--Almanacs for 1880 arc now being
given away at the drug stores. They arc
very handy ior your wife TO tear wrap-
pln@ paper out OF when her nriwhbor
comes in to borrow Il nutmeg or Il lit
tic cinnamon.
--"Can there &c happiness where
there is no love-" sOlcmnlv queries an
author in Il book OIL marriage. Not
much happiness, perhaps; but, if the
girl is aWiully rich, there can be lots Of
fun.
-Rcv. Isaac s. Kalloch has the
credit OF raising the famous trotting
ll"rSc RarGs. We believe however,
that the horse was never SO fast as the
prcachcr.--N. y. .Sir.
-.Why is the owner ortwo fowls.
VIII" Kills and cooks them for his dim
Ecr, like Il man who pays a. he goes?
lFlvc minutes for rutrc-hmcns.1 Be-
cause he lnalic2 both hens meet.
--''Don't be al cd;tor," is the head
ing OF Il paragraph going the rounds
"i the prrsS--:ind 4 number Of men
around various newspaper Offices arc
Following the advice wish in,iclatigablc
energy. dorchester Express.
-"fn subscribe for that paper"
said Vanderbilt, laying down an agri-
cultural Journal he had been reading,
"its editor is Il man Of high attain
mrnts." His eye had caughtan article
headed, "Watcr yourstocl regularly"
We learn from the }inghampton
.Rcpnb/icHH that q society for the pre-
vrntion of cruelty TO pianos is mcditat-
cd. This is grand and upright move,
and we hope tho projectors will be en-
knabclcd to carry it out.
a young man who went to q circus
and stepped too near the monkeys
! cage hau his arm seized and savagclv
!rrkcdby one ofthc monkeys. lie would
have escaped safely had hc not said sit
WAS merely monkey wrench" but
! wien they heard that the inluriatcd
crowd threw him into the lions cage.
The water in the Mohawk is said
to be so low III some places that the fish
are compelled to swim on their sides
to- prevent being sunstruck. .-Iroy
Times. PShaw, that is nothing. The
water in the creeks about here is SO
low, You can go out any day and see
| the fish Sprinkliny the bed Of the creek
to keep tho dust down. UhHchuN
IiDtcS.
An old man sncakCd into the Office
of Philadelphia iron foundry, few
days ago, opened Il drawer with Il
skeleton key, stole 800, and was caught.
This was Charles Langhcimcr, the con-
vict made famous by Dickens as an IL
lustla!ion of the horrors Of solitary
confinement. lie has served several
forms nprison since Dickens saw and
piticd him.
a train was stopped on The NIuskc-
gan Valley (Ohio) Railroad just in
| time to save it from being wrecked on
timber that had been tied to the
track. y search was made for tho
| plottcr, and he was caught hiding be-
hind bush near by. Asked as TO his
motive, he said: "Wcll, IFS so damn
cd dull out here in the country that l
thought Pd have some fun, somehow"
The Nevada City HeruM narratcs
this outrage on Il tramp: Frank Nor
rili, a tcamstcr, when on the Yuba
grade, near Purlon's bridge, met u
tramp going toward North San
Juan. Soon after meeting Mr.. Tramp,
Frank took drink from a bottle, and
replaced the bottle in the "jockcv-
box" II appears the tramp saw him in
the act of drinking, for he followed tho
team, tramping along in the dust and
hot sun all the way to Nevada, six
| miles, and after Morrill, hoI ,u,t ~, lie