The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-07-24
QUIPS.

SOAISs
FINE clothes do not make the man
until they are paid for.
WHIRLED without end: The waters
Of Niagara into Lake Ontario.
No FRESHMAN has sinking of the
heart SO long as there's bit of Cork in
him.
DOES stolen hen lay poached eggs?
Brooklyn Chronicle. Dunno! If
you buy hen, does she lay buy-led
eggs? $3.50.
A FRENCH newspaper, the other day,
had the following heading in its police
intelligence: Suicide of two persons;
statement of the one that survived"
IT seems remarkable that nice easy
chair at home is so much less comfort
able to man than the hard side of
y-goods box on street-corner with
crowd of loafers around.
AN exchange hastens to inform us
that Queen, Victoria drinks her tea out
of saucer. Glad to hear it; always
supposed she took up the teapot and
drank out of the "nose." ..
"PAPA, they don't have any stone in
Ireland, do they?" asked little boy,
the other day. eyes, my boy; but why
do you ask such question:" Be
cause, papa, thought it was all sham
rock over there"
SWELL: "Oh, Robinson, I am not at
all satisfied with those trousers" Shop
keeper: Indeed. SIT! Sorry to hear
that. We made 'em to measure, tool"
Swell: "Yaas. But, you see, [ didn't
want them to measure-I wanted them
to wear!"
A WITTY lady was once told by gen.
tleman of her acquaintance that she
must have been born with silver spoon
in his mouth" She looked at him care
fully, and, upon realizing the size of his
mouth, replied: Il dent doubt it; but
it must have been soup-ladle."
THERE is story that man went into
Newburyport liquor store and called
| for two quarts of rum, protesting that
it was for the purpose of soaking some
roots. After the delivery of the liquor
the dealer inquired, What roots ?"
Aho Aooto Va AAJ oOhSuO, SGeIu Vic HAL.
A PARTY of Irishmen went to cloth
ing store to buy suit of clothing in
which to bury dead comrade All va
rletles OF garments were examined and
discussed by the mourning friends, but
none could be decided upon until one
of the party held upa lighG thin suit, say
ing, "By CORA, let's take this, b'ys, it's
thin op6 mol on6 Do Ill e.
mighty comfortable"
A MARKET man was mercilessly swim
died in the town of B. His mis-
fortune gave him very unfavorable
opinion of the residents, and he ex-
pressed his opinion of them by saying
that if the Angel Gabriel stopped at
B. there would be no resurrection.
"Why?" asked listener. Because
the people would swindle him out of
his horn before he had time to blow a
single toot."
DR.. THOMSON, taking once for his
text, "Look not upon wine when it is
red in the cup" enlarged upon the evil
effects of drinking upon the head, heart
and purse. AS the congregation de-
parted, two old cronies, given to taking
more than @wee drap," talked over the
sermon. "Did you hear yon, johnny"
quoth one. did L hear t? VIVA didn't
hear t? I ne'er winked an e'e."
"Aweel, an what thocht ye o't?"
"Adeed, David, I think he has been a
lad in his day, or he couldna ha' ken'd
sac weel ABBOTT it; he's been sly hand,
the minister!"
BEFORE the Cadi Mehammedan was
brought up for burning down Chris
tian's house. "Where is the complain
ant?'' "May our souls be sacrifice,
but he is in the other world! He was
burned with his house." "The Koran"
said the magistrate, provides that
where the complainant is unable to APP
pear, if his abiding place be known the
culprit shall be taken there and con-
fronted with him. In the present case
the plaintiff does not appear and is
known to be in the next world. Let
the law be executed-ditto the prisoner"
Gone to meet his victim.