The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-07-19
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Onerators on change-pckPockets'
Making tar. get-chasng sailor
ohio is The state for tramps now-the politi-
c,ans want their votes.
The preachers can't scare 81. Louis people
with he'll uow--they want to go there 10 coo' OH
Ajax defed the lightning but it was before the
Jersey variety was invented.
In Wow Of the fact OF spiritual marriages TAX
inc rlace, Susan b. Anthony says sac VIII wall
untilshc gets to heaven.--ch'cd0o I"eS'
po,er is worth 70 cents pound in Peru until
:, il made into money. Then it deprecia'es
about 80 per cent.
The great beauty Of hanging murderess is
that It prevents her from lectnring.--N' T. o"''
II was supposed to be myth, that story about
white race in Africa, until the race oil 'he Eng
sh away from Cetewyo'
ushould a men drink malt liquors" queries a
medical exchange. Well, If a man has wife,
it's his duty to supporter,
"You look as fine as city hired girl, Is now
about the greatest compliment that can be paid
Young lady in the rural districts.
We saw a young man with two heads on his
shoulders the other day, but didn't consider IL
much of a curiosity. One belonged to his girl
The Waterloo Obs1yyr says the temperance re-
formers should turn their attention to money; ii
is always tight.
The man who actually hung himself when he
only meant to frighten his wife carried the choke
100 far.
The remark comes from good authority that
q, ola, fpphl H.
der this state of affairs it might perhaps, be safe
TO reduce thr army virginia. Entcfpt'%.
Omaha RepuJ,iSan: A South Omaha woman
the other evening threatened an offending repre-
sentative Of the male sex that she "wouid MAKE
his head SO big he couldn't find a shirt in town
large enough to go over IT.
This is very hot weather, miss" he remarked
as she met him at the door. 81 suppose II 49,
sir" she replied. 81 don't feel il much in the
parlor, but mother annoys me with complaints
Of heat in the Kitchen"
Smith and Jones were examining gun that
was not loaded" OF course, it went off.
Smith was illed with rcmoroe, and ZONES with
bird shot No. ).
Brown, who went off with camping party
but had deserted them at night, returned early
next morning with suspicious hairpin III the
folds of his vest Being asked what he had to
say for himself he solemnly protested Not
guilty, gentlemen; but wish was,'
Vice President Wheeler generously lets the
democrats of the L. ). Senate have their own
presiding officer three-fourths Of the time, while
be amuses himself hunting and fishing in the
Adirondacks, but he draws his 5000 with unim-
peachablc regularity.
Cardinal Newman likes the violin. Its stirring
notes make Newman Of him.-Dtttod Fire
Press. 1t would be better if they made an Ole
Bull Of him.
There was an old yankee named Weston
Who played curious tricks all the rest on.
He went for that belt,
Against Saxon and Celt,
And now they all say he's the best 'un.
Down in Georgia. says The Louisville courier
Jourset, they are in favor Of removing the tax
from quinine and putting 1t on dogs. Changing
the duty on the bark rs IL were.
The colored Baptists of New York admit that
Cox, the murderer of Mrs. Hull was u member
Of that church, but" adds one of the deac0ns,
"he alus shet his eyes when dc money box
passed, an we didn't so much on him.
A lightning rod peddler was struck by light
ming in Indiana while seated on his wagon dur
ing a thunder storm talking through the window
OF 4 farmers residence, trying to induce the
farmer TO let him rod the barn. IL was the larg-
est funeral eyer seen in fadiaiia. People went
49, no see the deceased. They couldn't believe
it until they saw it with their own eyes
Its horrible to he economical" said pretty
woman TO Warlow, with the utmost paintiveness.
There's no use living If you can't dress well.
What is woman, anyhow, without her clothes ~
And Barlow laughed little, and chokcd himself,
and blushed and didn't answer.
The question is often asked, how is it that the
war closed thirteen years ago and that soldiers
orphans ten years old are supported by the State
at the Home? Cur reply is that, maybe there's
q little mistake in dates-some people don't keep
family records Hoo0nDg'oe NacS
That shows your ignorance. Don't you know
that the war isn't over YETI ASK Blaine or Zach
Chandler.
Minnie C. Ballard in 4 tender lyric Just pub
liehed, inquiries OF whom it may concern
Would YOU love me well true heart,
Had ] face less fair?
We dislike 10 say unpleasant things, Minnie,
but the chances are that he wouldn't. Plain
words are best, and 80 sometimes are women;
cut repeat that the chances are that he
wouldn L. .itGdHy JOHm0L
In a collection of drerting travestics on well.
known verses suggested by the lamcntable fact
mat the yiceregal fishing party in Canada is hav-
ing most nnroyal battle with bugs the genial
poet Of the New Yark World makes this hit:
! am the piscatorial Goyernore
Of the Dominion New;
AT home the tshing's good.
But be ii understood,
It's very good here, too.
Yet when we camp at night
The gnats begin to bite
And the wood ticks climb up the le-imbs of my
pants,
And so do the beetles, the skeeters and the ants
The skeeters and the beetles,
The DEVILS darnng needles,
And the ants,
Brother Moody is said TO count as among the
most shining trOphies of his earlier lollors In