The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1879-05-24
NO. 81.
BILL ARP At ONE.
lie MedI:ates Upon the Turn of MRt-
ters During HIS Absence.
Written loI he Constitution.

ters During HIS Absence.
Written for The Constitutions,
+ A nice little joke now and then is plru5.
: ant. 1t sets the ordinations in motion,
4 and the cackinatious tumble up the dices.
: tive juices and puts them to work, and
t while that is going on properly man feels
. comfortable, and comfort hcgcts alniability
and other generous emotions. 1t Is q great
mistake to suppose that the heart is the scat
l of the affections. A diseased heart never
: disturbs ones serenity, but just let the di-
gestion stop, or the stomach hold up for re-
} pairs, and the man is sick all over and
cross and stingy, and would put bone III
the soap>grease rather than give it to the
dog. Hence the Scripture read about
bowels of compassion.
Its been question a long time whether
man laughed because he was fat, or got fat
because he laughed but my opinion is that
laughing is the fat mans safety valve. If
he dident laugh great deal and shake up
things, he would grow fatter aud fatter and
fatter until his hide couldent hold him
Hence it is highly necessary to have these
little jokes going around.
But Joe Harris is a tiirt. He tlirts with
my forbearances. Joe Harris is fraud;
ris found out l was going away from homo
and forthway and straiGhtwith he writes a
a letter in Mrs. Apps name calculated to
demoralize me and disturb my connubial
relations. Then he paragraphs me about
I prancin around with the girls like a colt in
a barley patch, which was to demoralize Mrs.
Arp. He never saw ME q pTancin around
nothen in his red headed life, and as for
| this particular occasion he ku0Wel | had
! int1ammatpry rumatiSm in my right leg and
couldn't prance. Laid mp in Macon and
then in Atlanta, barely able to travel a hun
dred yards with the help of friend on one
side and cane on the other he accuses me
of prancn. Under great tribulatIon call
ed on him in his little old fourth story edi-
torial garret unto which it took me 80 min
utes and twice that many grunts to climb
! and | received a small showing for my civ
illty. He was writing paragraphs and
never stopped long enough to inquire after
my general health. He looked sour and
hungry and was humming a little old song
about
"Mplli put the kettle on
MoIlie put the kettle on
And let have tea
The fact is | never was as sick in my life
as | was on this interesting excursion 10
Macon. l tried my level best to hide it,
and pass it off as a hereditary joke, but
every time | partened up 4 little, and suilN
ed shooting pain would jerk me around,
and cut the joke and the smile right in two
in the middle. 1 never rassclcd with the
pIaguy thing before, and had no idea it
would take foul holt and throw a man SO
easy. / didn't expect sympathy, for no
one ever stops to honey NJ 4 fellor with tho
rumatiSm or Il tooth ache, In fact, I was
prepared to be grinned at a little, as l drag
ed my sick leg along like my hip was out of
joint and my shoe was shot bag but |
didn't expect to be alluded to in the public
press as prancin around among the girls
like a colt in a barley Catch. Mrs Arp
says she has peroosed right smart Of history,
and if Nero or the Duke of Alyira ever
showed more unfeelin9uess she Is not aware
of it. She wants somebody to set Okolona
after him, and every time she aIludes to it
she smiles.
Mrs. Arp nurses me with moral tender-
ness, but continues to smile. When /
handed her the Mustang liniment DR.. Dan
iel gile me in Atlata she laughed all over
and said it was for horses and mules. and
it did look like the doctor thought l had
been prancin around. That may be that
was what was the matter, had been prau-
Gin around with the girls in the barley
patch a little too much. l eau hobhle
around now pretty well aud she utiliz4s mo
all that she can, saying william, I wish
you would prance down to tn spring and
bring me bucket of water or William.
please take the children and prance around
and find me q few eggs AID I'll make the
young colt a pudden for dinner" Its
prance round aud prance round, and this
morning as l pranccd out of the room [
I.,s. 1,,,-. Il / IL
''Your pap wouldn't take ten dollars for
that limp; hes been right sick. know, but
hes playin off now Just to keep me nursing
and petting him. I cant help laughing
every time think about what time we
all had getting him out of the buggy, and
then to imagine him pranciug around
among the girls in Macon, why n sick ele-
fant could get around heap liyelier"
Well its mighty bad and mighty incOn-
venient to be taken suddenly sick away
from ones home, but an undaugerous i'll
ness in the bosom of ones family is by no
means disagreeable. They fly round with
alacrity and bring in the big
Did easy chair and tuck you all round with
pillows and put on your slippers and comb
sour hair and colone your handkerchief
lud feed you on tea and batty- cakes and
'oft-boiled eggs aud chicken soap and Jelly
md sponge-cake and lemonade, and the
title children stand round so affectionately
md help you to dispose of it, IoU can
ook languid and grunt and take on as much
Is You please and be INDUCED in every
hing as long as You can keep it up with
ain: very long at my
ouso, for Mrs. Arp is a good daguoser
nd swift-doctoresS and generally dis~
harges her patients before they expect it.
Blessed woman, Sick or well she works on
making dresses and aprons and jackets and
ANTS and all sorts of tuumCutionable things,
esides patching and mending and knitting
nd darning from years end to years end.
IS time she had quit, but she wont and
rill die in harness | reckon. TeII Har:is