Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-09-15

A dentists sign-Drawing, music, and
dancing.
Pointed paragraphs are apt to get
stuck into many papers.
To drain your land, drink whiskey,
and spend all your time in the saloons.
This will drain you of all your lands in
a short time.
Gin Sling is the euphonious name of
Chinese freshman at Yale. Who knows
but at some time In the dim future Gin
Sling may become one of the ornaments
of the American bar?
1t is little singular, although no less
true, that one small but we'll constructed
fly will do more towards breaking up
mans afternoon nap than the out door
racket of full brass band.
"If you want tew get at the circum-
ference of man." says Josh Billings,
examine him amung men; but if you
want tew get at his actual diameter,
meazure him at his fireside."
"Landlady," said he, "the coffee is
not settled" "No," she replied, "but
it comes as near it as your last months
board bill does;'' and that man never
spoke again during the meal.
Where is my angelo" asks a poet.
Ten to one she is lying on lounge read
ing sensational novel, while her mother
is frying slap,jacks for supper in the
kitchen. Poets "angels" are that char
acter of girls. t
A man may 60 fishing and catch a
handsome string of fish. and lose them
out of the back of the wagon coming
home, or have them grabbed by the dog
at the house where he left his team; but
he can never tell the story and have it
believed.
What is dandy? A thing in panta-
looms with a body and two arms ; head
without brains, and cigar stuck in a
hole in his face; tight boots a cane q
scented, white handkerchief; standing
collar; two brooches; and snowy ring
on his little finger.
There is village in New Hampshire
which has produced twenty-six editors.
1t was in allusion to this circumstance
that pious deacon remarked: "Yes,
there twenty-six of 'em, but as they have
all left town, l reckon the Lord won't
lay it up against u.s."
"Gentlemen of the jury" said blum.
dering counsel, in suit about lot oil
hogs, 'there were just thirty-six hogs in
that drove. Please to remember thai
fact-thirty-six hogs just three times
as many as in that jury box, gentlemen. .
The counsel didn't gain his case.
Willie, aged 10. and Jenny, aged 6
were playing together. One of then
was minutely examining fly. II won
der how God made him |" he exclaimed
"God don't make flies as carpenters max,
things" observed the other boy. "Goc
says, let there be hes, and there is flies.
The following incident occurred a
Oxford. A venerable divine was riding
along and saw youthful son of Han
going down street displaying flag O
"ANNN III VIC iCdl. NC uOCtOE UcluB Hed
sighted, supposed the African was abou
to lose his handkerchief, and so callet
out to him. The negro looked amazed
and said. "Boss, dat handkerchief i
buttoned round my neck"
A Texas man brought out forlorn
spavined-loOking steed, and addresses
the spectators thus: "Fellow citizens
this is the famous horse Dandy Jack
Look at him. He's perfect. If he wa
sent to the horse-maker, nothing coul
be done for him. What shall l have fo
the matchless steed ?" "What will yo
take for him ?" yelled the crowd. ..Tw
hundred dollars" "Give you S5." "Tak
) him. never let $l95 stand betwee
me and horse trade"
There is a heap of philosophy in th
, question which Washington young lad
of the mature age of six propounded
!. her aunt the other day. 1t was aft
: the story of the creation and the fall ha
been related, and the young lady ha
> been meditating for some time on Il
!. moral of it. when she suddenly broke OF
with: "Aunty, after Adam and Eve di
II obeyed God, why didn't he kill 'em ar
: begin over again ?" It is not imposs
n n Die that the question has occurred
older people.