The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-11-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

ROBERT Houdln, the conjurcr, hap
pened to be passing through watering
place, and visiting the Casino, found a
manifest but unsupported Greek at the
'ecdf3e table busily and proftablv en-
ployed IN pluck'ng the unwary guests.
lie said nothing, but waited till there
was II vacant seat at the table and took
his place silently opposite the swindler.
The descendant Of Agamemmon dealt
and turned king from tho bottom of
the pack with nentness and dispatch.
lloudin betrayed no emotion, but
when 1t came to his turn to deal said
aifably to his opponent: "When turn
kings from tho bottom Of the pack |
always do 1T with orc hand instead of
two-it Is quite rs easy and much more
snowy. Sce-herc comes his majesty
Of diamonds.
And the conjurer calmly produced
tho card.
The gambler stared at him for an in
stant, and then bounding from his
chair rushed out of the room without
going through the formality Of waiting
Tor his hat, coat and stakes.
SM1THINGToN AND HIS WIFE.-Smith-
lngton's wife Is not kind in double har-
ness, and not suitable for gentleman
to drive. Smithington was talking to
Potts about the way people went on
and off nowadays.
"What would you do" said Potts,
who was strong on the pistol theory,
'lf some other fellow ran away with
your wife? excuse tho illustration
but want to bring it home to you"
~ shouldn't hesitate an Instant"
SmithingtOn responded.
"9ou'd kill her?"
"No, sir, | think should refrain from
unmanly violence"
"You'd kill yoursclf?'
"l.ike never mind | would 20
"Wcll, what would you do then ?''
"Makc friends with the victim right
off, and give HIM some substantial tes-
timony OF my esteem. Only, hcgad, If
| ever invited him to dinner, he should
come alone.
GOOD afternoon, my dear friend; l
am delighted to see you. And to what
am indebted for the pleasure Of this
visit?"
'Pll tell that presently; but first
permit me to embrace your charming
child. Can't l my little manr"
Yes, sir, If you'll promise not to
| cut into papa.'
| "Cut into your papa?''
Yes, cause papa said when he saw
| to bore me again ~
'DID you make the tramp. "No,'
was the reply sit was made in the car
shops" | mean did you catch the
train ~ "Of course not; it's not intec-
tions." "Wel!, You darned fool, did
you arrive aG the depot in time p'' 'No,
you blamed Idiot, l arriycd in an omni-
bus " "Great Scott!' shrielied the in
tprlnpntDr tliI hoard
dumping Jerusalem? howlcd the
questioned man, ''vou know | don't
keep boarding-house."
a CITY angler, returning from Fall
Creek one hot day last week with half Il |
dozen small bass in his minnow bucket,
met German driving an ice wagon.
SAY" said he "chucll me down n
chunk OF ice to put Onmy fish. They're |
frying" 80! !" saidthc Tcuron; "dcn |
guess It's lard you want, and not ice,
don't it?" The angler rulninatcd.
a Dutclman, the proprietor of Col
orauo line OF stages, was collecting -
Il piece from the passengers by way Of
farc, All had paid except one, and he,
drawing large revolver, pointed it ut
the head of the collector and hoarsely
asked: "Won't that pass me-" Per-
tectly unmovcd tho Dutchman said;
"Oh, no: we cat dem tings here. Two
tolars pleasc.'
"YoU sec that blessed man, said |
Mrs. Darlington, that preached for us
last Sunday? Well, he was first q cir
Gus rider, then locust preacher, and
now lie is al cXhaustcr,'
WIEN q New York policeman is ac-
cuscd OF clubbing person he alleges
that the victim was whistling ':Pina-
fore' air, and the public arc satisfied.
MEN arc casionally killed while
playing base ball, and this is why the
country mourns because Denis Kear-
ney doesn't Ia ke any interest in the ma
ttonal game,
carpet dealer In Burlington adver-
tises "ncw Brussels carpets that can't
be beat" which leads tic householder
to exclaim, "That's the kind of carpets
we want IN our house,
10 the girl below stairs-By all means
let your light shine before men, pro-
viding 1t isn't produced by firing the
deccitful kerosene.
AN unpleasant PASSENGER In a street
car Is Crying Baby. In. such cases
DR.. BULBS Baby syrup should be given
to the littlo sufferer to ease its troubles.
70 cents IL bottle.
The dog days are over, but with the
advent Of tn G sausage season the CANNES
have anoth er terrible danger to face.
10 a