Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-01-16
JOLLY JOKERs.

/
bin" in Boston, but "bean."- Graphic.
! TRAMps are forbidden to sleep in Gin
! cinnati parks. There's arrest for the
weary.-Ne'o Orleans Times.
The King of the Feejee Islands is said
to relish "Baby Mine" very much.
He likes it we'll done, too..-- VIZ Humon1
The way to make six cents 90 farthest
buy stamp and put it on foreign
! letter.
A NEW YORK shopkeeper has written
on his door: Every one shuts the door
but YOU
POPULAR song in England: "By
j. baby Bunting, Dizzy's gone hunting to
get little Afghan skin to wrap the
! British lion in"
THE Whitehall Tines person, who,
having boarded all his life is an author
ity, says the tug Of war always follows
when mustashe meets unused hash.
j A MAINE paper tells of man who
made squirt and wrung the necks of
/ 200 chickens in three hours This is,
indeed, the work Of a neck-spirt.
i II WOULDN'T be shopman in an oil
shop" said young man to his friend.
POSITION
A MULES head does not contain a
brain capable Of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what ex-
tent the other end Of him can be reared.
-New York Mail.
"THAT's the smallest horse | ever
saw" said countryman, on viewing a
Shetland pony. "Indade, now," replied
his Irish companion, "but I've seen one
az small as two Of him.
g, A New HAVEN editor announced
their he had seen "a pure white swal-
low" and the Louisville Courifr-Journdl
suggests that it was one Of Holland
gin.
WE no longer question the propriety
Of considering vessels in the feminine
gender. They run each other down
almost every day in the English channel.
Turner'S Falls Reporter.
CONVENIENT is the name CT an
island On the Norwalk coast. Its popu-
lation consists Of three families each
being engaged il law suit with the
others.-Dantury -Neus.
A NAN in this town froze the bottom
Of his feet lately, and as he held them TO
the stoveshe remarked: 1.-TWO soles with
but a single thaw out" Whitehall
Times.
CHRISTMAS was such windy, buster
ing day that great many wicked young
men were out TO see what the young
ladies had in their stockiDgs.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
IT was such weather rs this when
George Washington crossed the Della
ware The ice vas so bad that that the
ferries had all stopped running and the
custom house men had gone home
Free Press.
A JACKSONVILLE, Oregon, paper says:
" A flock Of geese flying rather low over
Gin Inns claim the other day, the man
in charge of the hydraulic pipe turned
it on them and succeeded in bringing
down two Of The birds: one of which was
secured"
:: LAST summer when the hot wave
from the west struck us so violently, we
felt as if we'd like to go out and shovel
ten feet Of snow of q neighbours side
walk, and not charge him a cent. We
don't feel that way now.-Norristown
Herald.
81 NOTICE." said Prince Metternich
to his wife, the best dressed woman of
the secoud empire, "that your bonnets
grow smaller and smaller, and the bills
!. larger and larger. One Of these days
the maker will bring nothing but the
! bill"
4 REAL estate dealer who died re-
Gently said that he was afraid that he
had committed the objectionable sin.
If he could but recall those words SO
many times repeated, within five min
utes' walk of the depot" he might die
happy.-Boston Transcript
MOTHER Ito daughter who had just
given aims to a poor tramp" Now,
what in the world did YOU 90 that for
, Suppose he should tuy rum with it,"
Poor Tramp (Over hearing, and making
low curtsey)-" But | pr. mise I will
not, my dear madam. I prefer gin."-
Oil City Derrick.
A BRIGHT little ST, reham, Vt, boy,
who had been engaged in combat with
another boy, was reproved by his aunt,
who told him he ought always to wait
until the other boy "pitched upon"
him. "Well," exclaimed the little
hero, "but if I wait for the other boy
to begin I'm 'fraid there won't be any
fight"
VENUS ia nov at her greatest distance
from us-one hundred and sixty mil.
, lions of miles-or one hundred and
thirty-fve millions farther away than
when she is nearest the earth. This
may seem startling, but it is trua. She
always gets AS lar away from us as she
can as soon as ci ngreSs meets. And We
don't blame her.--NorriStoacn Herald.
{ AT funeral in the country an under
taker was directing the ceremonial when
he noticed little man giving orders,
, and, as he thought, tncrcachIns upon
, the privileges Of lis own Office. He
asked him, And who are ye, my man,
that take sac muck!e on ye?' 20 dinna
We ket?" said the man, under an evident
sense of his own importance, "lm the
corpse's brither!'
y A PERSON who was recently called
into court for the purpose of proving the
correctness of surgeons bill, was asked
by the lawyer whether "the doctor did
not make several visits after the pa
tient was out of danger?' no." re-
piled the witness, 1 considered the pa
tient in danger as long as the doctor con-
tinued his visits"
THEY we're Waiting round the ballroom gay,
Made bright with lights ard mirrors fine;
She turned her face from his away,
Pray what's the matter d:l ling mine:
Has what i've said given thee of'erse .
Has aught I've done estransed thy Eeart'
Turn not from me your sweet lace pence
rcannot, cannot, from thee part
How foolish, Fred ,"H know III ioi'u
And as we pass you ii ,-gsss Bright
| Ionly look from YOU beyond ,,
II To see if my new dreS hangs r'ent''
We see that q man IN Connectlcut
was killed the other day while trying
to board freight tram" ihere Is rea-
son in all these things NO DOUBT when
the man took the freight train to no asss
and strong butter for breakfast. and
tough mutton three times week tor
dinner, till in a fit of dyspepsia the
! f.o;oht train roso mn and killed him.