The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-01-30
PASSING SMILES.

PASSING SMILES.
1t must be eminently right and good
to rise early. Because it is unhumanly
hard to do it.
IF you can't keep. your resolutions,
don't break iem, but give 'em to some
poor fellow who hasn't any. z W
MONEY can make man notorious,
but cannot make him respectable; but
one-half the people do not know the diff
ference.
DID'you ever see man poke fire
without being overcome by the convic-
tion that you could do the obinfuitely
better?
DELILAH subdued man by cutting
his hair. Most women do it by pulling
the mans hair out by the roots.-Chi-
cdgo Times. 81 Tfr.Fs
PUTTING a bent pin in a chair is
very amusing practical joke. 1t never
fails to excite mans Instability
New York Mail. fraF eg.p Ii'H ~
SUSPICION dwells innate in every hu-
man breast Even the word of George
Washington would be doubted if he
attempted to- account for black eye
by stating that stick of kindling wood
few up and hit him.. --.f.
A MUSICIAN, George Sharp, had his.
name on his door thus "G.- Sharp" A
wag of painter, who knew something
of music, early one morning made the
following addition "Is A Flat "-Bosto1s
Globe. -1o afaIr t-aH l1tfla11 9.it
WHY do they call the people who
live in the South Sea Islands, canni-
bals?" asked an old lady of a sailor. .
Because they live on other people,"
answered the sailor Then my son-in-
] law must be a cannibal," +" said she, " for
he lives on me.
AMERICAN balls are coming into fash
ion in England. France, South America,
Egypt, Albany, and China Goldfish
balls. N. B.lThe young man who
handed this in wants situation as par
agrapher ON a leading journal Salary
81 per week, he to furnish the pencils
and the Office to provide paste.- Troy
] Press.
| HERE is the newest restaurant story:
Customer How long has this wine
been bottled, waiter 2" Waiter Four
teen years, sir" Customer every
remarkable, that; didn't know flies
were so long lived" Waiter-'' Flies, {
sir~ Customer-" Undoubtedly; here
is one swimming around Just under the
cork Hfft1 81 gsigy T15f3 HriA = ~
q "a T=,a.t7rA RARE-BIT 74fmsWsr - %
EAETH has donned her snowy habit,
Il 2d Robed bed herself IN spotless white, hiic5 '-is
8 liE Scoots across the fields at night. ,11E -
Then he's off Der hiii and dale, --- d
Waving high that tuft of cotton H1 ag ssf b
= Called by courtesy his tail.
+. els q. $50 3 - --oyncinnasi Star.
BISMARCK to Kaiser William: 81
dinks it mighdt be betterish to shtop
zem zocialisd babers dot make all dis o
voolishness, don't id 7aazasYaw, Otto,
yust sent aroundt ZONE zoldiers to-mor-
row und gloze ub der Offices. Der bee
bles ist zuch a yet of gonvounded vools
und idiots dat dey Vouldnever know dey
yos boor unt ragget und shtarving ven
dey don't haf zome editor ash told dem
aboudt it, eh P'--Boston Globe. .e.,1.i zijliI
1t is reported from Milwaukee that :.
a man of family named Thomas Massey
got out of bed on a recently intensely
cold morning to build fire. He was
found anrhour afterward frozen to death
in the yard, where he had gone for
wood. Mr.. Massey does not enjoy the
sympathy of the masculine world in his
misfortune. If he had compelled his
wife to look, after the building of that
fire, according to immemorial custom,
he might have been alive to-day, taking
an interest in politics with the rest of
u.s. Baltimore Gazette.
TIE Graphic speaks with great pride
of the success of the architect of the 81
$12,000,000 Capitol at Albany in. rem
dering all speech inaudible in. the leg
islativei chambers It says Show the {
beautiful effect is produced we neither
know nor care. The ingenious architect
may have discovered a new angle of
elevation, or! perchancei he mixed an 2
anti voice powder in his whitewash. Let
US not inquire too closely. The result is
all public is interested in, and this, if
it be true that eratory is to be smothered
and orators sgradually ,extinguished,
cannot but be benefcent.Y sED0g SO
+ A Boston gentleman went toschurch.
In the course of time he concluded to
remove his -overcoat, and with all the
grace and ado imaginable. After tax
ing his seat and folding his arms, imag- /"
inc, his surprise when he discovered q
that, he had removed beth dress and
overcoat and was in his shirt sleeves.
The rest is better imagined than told.
The same evening dressy, prim gem
tleman went to another church, and
after removing his ulster, was horror "
stricken to find that in place of his q
dress coat: he had on his short knit
| blouse.
+ ANEAR-sighted man went wandering
around among his currant bushes, and
stopped down and pulled wasps' nest
up by the roots to see what it was. He
didn't get it anywhere near the focus of
his. eyes before he, had an idea that it
was fat iron some of the women had
| set out to cool; then he thought it
might be a concentrated case of prickly
heat and then it dawned upon him
that he had picked up a raw thunder
bolt and finally his heart went clear
down into his boots as he realized that
he had got hold of the dangerous end of
an explosion and pulled it off. '-' ~
>>>---T-- BH3 li.
Cold Weather at the Aquarium. ~
T. New York News.]
| IL = f<,-