River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-02-27
Look Not Upon the Mnee Pie When 1t
Is Red.

MY friends, there is another rock l
wish all to guard against. 1t is hidden
by the still summer sea, but upon it many
u human bark has split. / refer to the
mincc pie. Nes, my hearers, the mince
pic is a rock that has brought thousands
t. watery graves-or, not to watrTy
graves, exactly, but you understand what
| mean. The mince pie is the curse of
our land. 1t is alluring our youth from
the path of virtue aud sobriety, and lead
ing them down to ruin. 1t begets an APP
petite for strong drink that sweeps every
thing before it. Look not upon the ac-
cursed thing. Shun il as you would q
viper Sit On it; trample it under your
feet, as it were.
I once knew brilliant young man,
loved and courted by all who knew him.
His IS the story of thousands. This
Young man used to visit his aunt in the
fall that fatal time OF year when the
mince pie stalks up and down through
the earth, seeking where 1t may devour
somebody. This young man's aunt could
make mlncc pie till you couldn' rest
and her arts lured him to destruc
ton That insatiate monster. At first
he ate lightly of the damning food, then,
as his appetite grew by what it fed upon,
he ate deeper and deeper, until after
egery meal ne would sink into a heavy
sleep only to awake with head on him
l;igter than Daniel Webster's. He would
chew cloves and cardamon seeds for hours,
ana vet you could smell his breath across
tho biggest county in the State.
he saw that he was becoming slave
to the accurscd pie. His atfianced bride,
who to HIM was the one fair woman be-
meath the sun, said she would never marry
man that smclled like a distillery that
employed lhree hundred hands and was
in full blast all the time, and unless he
reformed, she would be nothing to him
BUT sister, Tie young man had all the
sisters he wanted, and, falling at her feet,
lie registered solemn oath, and had it
copyrighted next day, that mince pie
should never pass his lips again as long
as he lived But. alas he was already a
slave to strong pie, and in less than twenty
four hours he tore himself away from his
! sweetheart, who made frantic grab for
| his coat-tais, ana fled to his aunt's in the
/ city, and said he hoped she would have
! some of her excellent mince pies for
! dinner.
The good aunt, ignorant of the fact that
she was putting an enemy in his mouth
4 to steal away his brains, set EN- up,
/ 20 to speak, and in less than two
] hours the young man was rlp-roaring,
s.aving drunk, as usual. Alb, my friends,
/ the story is CHASTITY one, and needs "a
embellishments. While in this condition
the young man, the pride of his parents
and the whole of q woman's heart was
arrested for drunkenness and disordery
conduct. On the way to the mayors
office he shot the officer dead in his
! tracks. blew out his own brains with an
other barrel of the pistol, and then went
back and killed his aunt and dog that
she paid three dollars for.
Ny friends and fellow sufferers, from
the mince pie to the tomb is but step.
If mince pios must be made, demand,
in the name ur the youth of our country,
chat people who manufacture them be
compelled to take out license. 1t they
must be eaten, beg of you, as you value
cour souls salvation, do not eat them
straight. a serpent turks N every one of
them. Ten thousand devils lie beneath
every crust, be it baked ever so nicely.
Every currant hides a demon with a
forked tongue of flame and a seven
pronged pitehfork. The suet, the citron
and the chopped meat are the broth of
hell, and The whole business from stem TO
stern is mockery, and strong drink IS
raging.
The conclusion, my beloved hear, rs,
touch not, handle not--enter not into
into temptatiGn; or, in other words, look
rot upon the mince pie when it is red,
sghen it givetN its color in the cupboard.
= Oh city Derrick.