The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1879-11-29
WHITES: WISE HXD NIFTY.
Fowl wcather-in the markets.

Fowl wcath er--in the markets.
How to keep your rooms warn-Keep
your CRATES coald.
-" what is your fortune, my pretty maid?''
! "My fathers walker, sir" she said.
Material fact-The FIndoo widow is
the only one that crema:es. The others re-
mate.
-" Is Il ships rudder necessity" asks
an exchange. We suppose it is, sir; kind
Of a stern necessity.
-"Now lay in your COAL" says an ex-
change. The man who would proffer such
aHvire must be a fuel.
The scientists who assert that you can't
make something ont Of nothing never anal
wed q sewing society scandal.
A wise parasrapher remarks: % A nan
who declares himself to be intoxicated with
music WAS considered air tight
In a small town in Nevada water ia
worth 81 per gallon and whisky retails for
| fifteen cents per quart. There's progress for
you.
Nothing, says the Detroit Free Press,
seems Impossible in this scientific age. I'M
less it be to secure the payment ofborrowcl
money.
--Ru!nors reach us of the possible dis
mcmberment of Turkey. In fact we may
be certain OF this happening about Deem
Der o5h.
There is hardly any necessity for mar
ried men studying Latin. The fact is, Their
are no more cuss words in Latin than il
English.
A Los Angeles boy has a new idea OF
the refrain. Being asked in Sunday school
what is the meaning of "Selah,' he re
piled that it was ancient for "Whoa,
Emma"
The young nan who is cold, and who
has no money to buy himself all overcoat,
is trying to figure ont how much he has
spent for cooling drinks during the Summer.
The sum total makes him shiver.
A young man who can write four orig
nal poems a day desires to know what lie
ought to get in first-clasS newspaper Office
He ought to get fired ont through bacl
window the minute he shows his head inside
the door.
1t is said that as soon as n Chinaman
marrics an American lady in this country
he amputateS his queue. This is conclusy.
evidence that the heather Chincc has bee,
a close student of married life in I'll.
country.
A new Use has been found for many =
youths headpiece, the utility of which has
heretofore been questionable. 1t is dis
covered that such young mems heads ar
primarily intended to keep their neclIti"'
from slipping oil.
Cincinnati scores one, and Saturda.
night perpetrates the following. ard make
a poor little unconscious Sunday school gil
bear the burden: a little Sunday schoI
girl remarked that although Nebuchad
n-zzar ate grass like COW lie didn't Civ
milk, and Nebecoolnezzar..'
Mr.. Hallecl, i'll his well-knovn poem
called "Bozzaris; or, The Night Befor's
Thanksgiving Day." says:
"An hour passed on-the Turkey woke:
That bright dream was his last.
lie woke 10 Gle, ma nrf anu SMOKE,
Mid baSting spoons and carver's stroke.
And bright blades flashing fast"
=" Courage always WINS" said the Sun.
day school superintendent to the boys
''No, sir said the small boy, nestlin.
down in the corner of seat; nuthin' can
beat four aces And the answer strucI
such popular chord in the heart of each
teacher that they Immediately began feel
ing in their sleeves for cards.
A level headed Dutchman.-An old
Dutchman, who keeps hser saloon on sac
ramento street, has a tlird wife, and being
asked for his views of matrmony, replied:
''Neti, den, you see, dc first time | marr;cS
for loye-dat vas Goot: den ] Inarries i,'E'
heaUty-dat vas goot, too, about goot "a
de first: but dis time marries for monieh,
and Ills is peter as peth.'
An old Scotch lady, who had 10 reii'l!
for modern church music, was expressing
her dislike for the singing of an anthem j"
her own church one day, when a neighb,"
said, ''Whv, that is 4 very old anthem.
David sang that anthem 10 Saul TO TIL,
the old lad, replied, 'Weel, weel, moo fur
the first time understan' why Saul threw
his iaveln ut David when the lad sang for
him"