The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1879-07-05
sun BE ANS.
rifle club-A gang of burglars.

A Lost Tart-The one that was left alone
with the small boy.
A wild bore-1'rying to get oil out Of
solid rock.
Capital punishment-th handful
OF BIS at composing room rat"
There isn't q lighthouse on the coast that
weighs less than ton.-Utica Observer.
Texans are never lynched nowadays.
They die of artificial diphtheria."
When the collection box threatens, An
audencs would sooner disperse than dis
purse.
Everything will turn when trod upon,
even the treadle. It turns the grind
stone.
A couple of big head lines in the New
Orleans Times read Startling Innova-
ton; A Mail Train Comes in, on Time"
A Paducah (Ky.) paper says money is
30 scarce in that place that even the change
tn the weather is hailed with pleasure.
Chicken fanciers of q speculative turn
should direct their attention to the rear
ing of breed of hens able to lay wagcrs.
An editor, in speaking of a new book,
says 'it is bound to SELL" Isn't that what
they bind all books for generality
The most bashful girl we ever heard of
was the young lady who blushed when she
was asked if she had not been counting
sleep.
Careful housewife lifting shoe from
the soup p-tureen LA! who'd thought
babys shoe would turn up in the soup2
But | knew it wasn't lost. I never lose
anything"
A matter Of fact man was told by his
doctor to put check on his stomach if he
wished to live long and be happy. He
went Immediately to his tailor, who filed
the prescription by making plaid vest.
The following is posted in front of a
grocery store in Cambridge, Mass.:-
wooden pals, six cents each Notice
We did not steal these pals, but we think
the man we bought them of did"
"What" says an inquisitive young lady,
40 NAo ihoob POpuhh Coiof tOE DTiue r
and the Elmira GazeHe answers:-''We may
be little particular in such matters, but
we should prefer white one."
Some men are endowed with the clinging
nature of cobwebs, and like them are con
tinually hanging around the house until
cleared out by the end of well balanced
broom, with an industrious female at the
other end.
''My dearest Maria" wrote a recently
married husband to his wife. She wrote
back: Dearest, let me correct either
your grammar or your morals. You ad:
mppose you have other dear Marias?"
A woman applied for situation recently
OF Belfast, with her clothes dripping like
water spout. On being questioned as to
her condition, she said she understood the
lady of the house wanted a wet nurse, and
She had come ready for service.
When young tobacco chewer, who
boasted that his father used the weed up |
to the day of his death, was asked if he |
didn't think it shortened his days, replied:
Mot at all. Each one of his days was
twenty -four hours long, just the same if he
hadn't used tobacco"
The proudest moment of mothers life
IS Just after she has trimmed the hair of
her young hopeful, using the edge of a
bowl to guide the shears evenly around his
intellectual forehead. Ills then she gazes
on him with the fondest maternal hopes
and sees the future Congressman standing
out in bold relief.
If you have no money to give the needy
wretch who begs your aims, you at least {
have sympathy-you can give him kind
word and gentle smile. If he asks you
for ten cents to buy bread, smile kindly on
him and tell him you haven't cent but
you can direct him to good, respectable
hotel where he can get good, plain board
md pleasant room for $l1 week.
It is not considered proper to speak of a
piano playing. 1t is piano recital you {
mean. That reminds us that there was I;
hand organ recital in front of this Office =
recently. The artist was from Italy, and SO I,
was his accomplished wife. who gave TO- l
citals on second hand tambourine. 1t is l
TO be hoped they may come again, and we !,
san assure them plenty of room to play in. :,
~1Gchdny6'
''Poor Herbert. How wish you did g
not have to slave at that horrible store from
morning till night" said his wife, as with a Y
fond caress, she seated herself on her hus-
oands knee, and gently stroked the auburn
ocks from his sloping brow. And the
yraye, stern man of business understood
ler at once, and answered: well, Susie, e,
What is it-7a bonnet or what? Go light h.
IN me- for money is scarcer than ever" -
Young man, devoted to and expressly II
for society, clasping his head 81
n agony. "Ah, by Jove, how my head o,
ches Awfully, by Jove !" Sympathiz- j.,
ng friend, student in Wilson dental room: ~
'Oh, you'd better have it pulled" then, WI
fter a thoughtful pause, ''or filed" Of
'atient moves away with an injured air it.
nd the young dentist smiles after him g..
aore thonghtfully than ever. o"
MARRIAGE notice from Tudip zion Mich \ en-