The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1879-01-02

Fold your arms around me tight
er'' is a new and sacred piece of music
A mans food is bolted when hi
wife locks the cupboard door sgains
him.
The viceroy of India should remem
Der that the best laid plans Afghan
ugly.
Fat is not conducive to long life.
fat hog ralely lives through the win
ter.
The violinist who ''carried the hous
by Storm" used rainbow after
wards.
Christmas is here and there is
great deal Of fiat goodness among tht
children.
Indians never kiss each other, and
having seen few Indians, we CAM
blame them.
No man ever worshipped braZer
image who had once tussled with {
lIfe insurance agent.
An old tin kettle nay never point {
moral. but it is pretty sure, sooner Of
later, to adorn tail.
There was, no boubt, considerable
mourning when Che sunburst, but
where did the daylight9
On account of the decided manner
of his spouse, he says his children are
governed by ma-shall law.
Delays are dangerous in everything,
except marriage; the longer you delay
that the better you are off.
1t is said that toothache may always
be cured by holding in the hand g
certain root-that of the tooth.
If you want to know what new
books are out, just go to a circulating
library and try TO borrow them.
With powder on her face and bul.
let-buttons on her gown, the girl OF
the PERIOD is a dangerous character.
If women are really angels, why
don't they fly over fence instead ei
making such fearful awkward job Gi
climbing
There is one advantage in marrying
woman who hasn't mind of hel
own; she can't forever be giving you 8
piece of it.
Somebody says that a wife should
be like lamb-tender and nicely
dressed. A bachelor adds, land with.
out any sauce"
There is no mistaking a real gentle
man. When he approaches free
lunch table he always wants a napkin
and chair.
All the signers of the Declaration OF
Independence signed their names with
quill pens except One-he signed his
Witherspoon.
4 tramp, who received u blow from
an Amazonian widow, declared that,
until then, he had never realized the
full significance Of the widows smite.
Hogs are coming down. We saw
two occupying four seats each, coming
down the International road, the Other
day, in car otherwise crowded.
An Iowa clergyman boasts that he
can marry twenty couples in an hour.
Twenty knots an hour is better time
than Gun be made by Brother Chaplin.
The Chinese never dun a doctor
but don't go to China on that account.
If the money isn't paid when due, of
comes an ear to remind HIM of the er-
ror on his way.
He SAID he rather guessed he knew
how to sail boat; but the gentle
zephyIs that kissed the wavelets over
his watery grave mournfully whisper,
"He lulTed not wisely"
A curious husband once asked his
wife: MY dear, what kind of a stone
do you think they will give me when
| am gomez "Brimstone, john" was
the affectionate reply.
A Michigan farmer writes to the
faculty of Yale: "What are your terms
for year2 And does it cost anything
extra if my son wants to learn to read
and write as well as to row a boat?"
A hen-pecked husband said, in ex-
tenuation of his wife's raids upon his
scalp: "You gee, she takes her own
hair off so easily she doesn't know how
it hurts me to have mine pulled out. y
A railroad brakesman down town
dreamed he heard the long whistle,
and nearly twisted his wife's ear off.
His wife sad he might reverse her
Switch" but she would rather not
have her ears taken for engineers.
A physician, finding a lady reading
Twelfth Night" said: when Shak-
speare wrote about Patience on a mon
ument, did he mean doctors patients l'i
NO." she answered, ''you don't find
them on monuments, but under them. ("
'.Pa," asked boy the other day,
i'what is meant by paradiseG" "Para-
disc, my son." replied the father
gloomily, paradise, my son, comes
next summer, when your mother goes
On a visit to your grandmother"
An advertisement now going the
rounds of the press announces: IAN
article that will make the bald and
gray-headel rejoice" This must have
reference to another opera boufTe
troupe, with a scene Of Jennie Win
ston's.
An old gentleman OF eIghty-four and
his bride, aged eighty-two, entered q
railway car the other day and took
seat 10y the stove. A youth, occupy
ing the seat behind them. says he over
heard the following: Old gentleman
to his bride-''Who's a little lamb?"
of-us."
'Don't you love her stilll" asked
the Judge Of man who wanted u di-
vorce. "Certainly, / do, !" said he, "
love her better still than any other
way; but the trouble Is she will never
be stall" The judge, who is a mar
ried man, himself, takes the case un-
der adEiseInent.
The average man will sit passive In
! baTber's chair and unmurmuringly
submit to having his countenance We
leered with soapsuds and thumped
with wad of hog bristles, but II his
wife should accidentally spatter him
with a dish-clout, all the recording
lngels in the land couldn't do Justice
o the remarks.
The English language is wonderful
or its aplness Of expression. When
lumber Of men and women get to-
,ether and look at each other from the
ides OF r0om-that's called socia-
,le. When hungry crowd call upon
,oor minister and eat him out Of house
nd h0me--thAt's called : donation
'sEsJ.