Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-07-25
DrOII BIunders.

VI cAAAOAAACAg a NV AN-A
reporting the danger that an express
train had run, in consequence of a COW
getting upon the line, said: "As the
safest way, the engineer put on full
steam, dashed up against the cow, and
literally cut it into cGlyesp
A ludicrous story is told Of a bailie,
whose studies in natural history seem to
have been rather limited. The following
case came before him one day: "a man
who kept ferret, having to go into the
country, left the cage with the ferret in
charge of a neighbor till he should re-
turn. The neighbor incautiOusly opened
the cage door, and the ferret escaped.
The owner was very angry, and brought
aclaim against his neighbOr for damages.
The following was the decision of the
learned bailie: mae doot," he said
to the man who had been left in
charge, "ye was wrang to open the cage
door; butt he added, turning to the
other, "ye was wrang, too. For why did
We no clip the brute's wingsP
It is also told of certain Glasgow
baihe that when visiting Paris as one of
6 deputation from Glasgow to Louis
Philippe, the king said, when showing
the party through his library, where he
had many of the English classics: "You
will know Milton very well p "0h,
bless you, yes; bless you, yes" said the
bailie, cheerfully, delighted that some
thing had been mentioned that he did
know. "Yes, your majesty, ! know
Milton very WELL" Milton isSa little
place in the neighborhood of Glasgow:)
''We're just building slaughter-houses
there"
By the bad arrangement of clauses in
composition, ludicrous blunders are
sometimes made. A Wisconsin paper
announced that the board of education
had resolved to erect a building large
enough to accommodate five hundred
students three stories high" In an
English paper an advertisement ap-
peared, under the heading of '"To Let"
of "a house for family in good repair"
Punch noted this, and conjectured that
"a family in good repair" must mean
one in which none of the members were
racked. aThe brooches would have
been sent before but have been unweIl,"
was note of apology sent to Dean
Afford by his jeweler and 1.-TWO sisters
want washing was an advertisement
which appeared in the Manchester
Guardian.
An amusing style of blunder is the
"bull," for which the Irish get most
credit. 1t was an Irish editor that ex-
claimed, when speaking of the wrongs
of his country: 'Her cup of misery has
been overhowing, and is not yet fullP'
1t was an Irish newspaper that said of
Robespierre that she left no children
behind him except a brother, who was
killed at the same time" Irish also was
the cornet who, when writing home from
India praising the much-abused climate
as really one of the best under the sun,
added: "But lot of youngfellows come
out here, and they drink and they eat,
and they eat and they drink, and then
die; and then they write home to their
friends, saying it was the climate that
diditF
The first Lord Lyttleton was very
absent minded. It is declared of him
that when he fell into the river by the
upsetting of boat at Hagley, che sank
twice before he recollected that he
could swim"
A New York paper gives the follow
ing story in illustration of the absent
mindedness of the great Jonathan
Edwards. When out riding one day,
little boy very respectfully bowed and
opened gate for him.
"Whose boy are you, my little man?'
he asked. '.,
"NOah Clark's boy sir" was the
answer.
On the return of Edwards, the same
boy appeared and opened the gate for
him. He thanked the little fellow, and
again asked:
"Whose boy are youp
'tNoah Clark's sir-the same mans boy
was quarter of an hour ago, sir"
Some blunders arise from misappre-
hensiou. A blshopof Oxford sent rounC
to the church wardens in his diocese a
circular of inquiries, including the ques-
tion: "Does your officiating clergyman
preach the gospel, and is his conYersa-
ton and carriage consistent Herewith ?'
The church warden of Wallingford re-
piled: "He breaches the gospel, but
does not keep a carriage"
A doctor who had one day allowed
himself to drink TOO much, was sent for,
to see fashionable lady who was ailing,
He sat down by the bedside. took out
his watch, and began to count her pulse
asWell as his obfuscated condition would
permit. He counted: zone, two. three"
then he got confused, and began agar
Zone, two, three, four" Still confused.
he began again: "One, two" No. he
could not do it. Thoroughly ashamed
Of himself, he shutup his watch mutter.
ing: "Tipsy 1 declare-tipsyl" Stagger-
ing to his feet, he told the lady to keen
her bed and take some hot lemonade. 20
throw her in perspiration, and lie
would see her next day. In the morning
he received the following note from the
lady, marked private :"
"Dear Doctor: You were right. I dare
not deny it. But l am thoroughly
ashamed of myself, and will be more
careful for the future. Please accept the
inclosed fee for your visit" Ia ten pound
note); "and do not, l entreat of you,
breathe a word about the state In which
you found me-"
The lady, in fact had been drinking
too much, and catching the DOCTORS MUIR
INJURED words, thought they referred to
her. He was too far gone to see what
was the matter with his patient, and she
too far to observe that the doctor was in
the same condition.
The Rev. Mr.. McDougall, of Paisley,
used to tell the following story: One
day he was taking a simple friend from
the country to see Garthavel but pass
ing the exchange on their way to the
asylum, he took him to the door to look
in. The man, who thought they had got
to their destination, stood behind Mr..
McDougall, and staring eagerly over his
shoulder at the merchants stepping up
and down and gathering in eager groups,
exclaimed with surprise, not unmingled
with awe:
tgTeif aafa mon p -fbauira a. Ioosa 10