Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-06-06
GOSSIP OF THE DAY.

The turtles drum in the pulseless bay.
, The crickets creak in the prickful hedge,
Tho bullfrogs boom in the pudding sedse,
Ana the whnopec whoops its yesrer lay
AWAY
In the twilight soft and gray.
Two lovers stroll in the glintins gloom
His hand in heI n and heT'n in his
: She blushes deep-he is talking biz
lhey hug and sigh as they listless roam
: They roam
IT, late when they get back home.
Down by the little wicket gate,
Down where the creepfui ivy grows,
Down where the sweet nlsturtium blows.
box toad parent lies in watt
: For the maiden AID her mato.
Let criokets creak and bullirogs boom,
The whOopee wall in tho distant dell
| Their tuneful throhs will ne'er dispel
The planted pain and the rooted gloom
The gloom
OF the lovers dismal COON
Hedging Rector: And what are youi
views:" Candidate for curacy We'll, sir
I'm an Evangelical High Churchman, OF lib.
eral opinions. - Punch.
"In Range" Oh Gent lin omnibus, u
trust your rifle is not loaded, sir. because
with this shaking it might 60 OFF," N"lun-
teer (nettled) : No, ll's not loaded, sir.
And if it were TO go oil it wouldn't hit you !
Old Gent ''Oh, Jus SO, sir. But you'll
pardon me-l was not considering myself SO
much as the poor passengers on the root r
Punch.
Ratiocination. Country Doctor Did you
take that bottle OF medicine to old Mrs.
Gambidce's because it was very import
Surgery Boy: -Oh, yesser. And I'm pretty
sure she took IT. sir Country Doctor (tfter
pnllse) What do You mean by that,
sIr - Surgery Boy "Well l see the shut
| ters up at the ouse as ! passed this mornin
sir Punch.
That was neat, says the Boston (o,ritr-
the remark of young lawyer on Washington
street, the other morning. friend accosted
him John, wish you would change this
$50 bill for ME" The blushing but pleased
attorney lifted his hat and replied My
good boy, you fiatter me, you latter me!'
It's awful, girls, really awfuly awful The
sheriff S daughter out in Wisconsin, who ran
away with convict, wore bangs Now see
F, what bangs may bring You to, darlngs.
The Elmira Gu-eHe says When young
man looks sad. swears of smoking, raises
his beard. wears patches on his pants, and
| turns lis cuffs three times, don't think he
contemplates suicide he's only trying TO
figure out how TO support an extravagant
young lady on salary of Sc week, and
have enough left on Sunday morning TO pay
| for shave.
A young woman who had never learned
the gentle ant Of cookery, being desirous OF
nnpressing her husband with her knowledge
and diligence, manages TO have her kitchen
door ajar on the day after their return from
the bridal trip, and Just rs her lord comes in
from the Office cXclnIms loudly : Hurry up,
Eliza, do : Haven't yOu washed the lettuce
yet: Hcrt, give II to me where's the
soap
wise old chap over i'll Ohio had SIX mar
rngeable daughters, and he wanted them of
his hands, and so he bought n ladder last
spring and began paiating the house outside.
That night he kicked the Oldest girls beau
through the parlor window. shot at him with
seven blank cartridges. locked the girl in her
room and fed her next day on bread and wa
ter In the evening he left the ladder by her
window, and when morning came she had
gone with her lover. He repeated the ex-
pertinent with the balance of the girls, and
when he had finished painting he had SIX
sons-in-law.a
Little places, where the people live on fish
and strangers, will soon blossom out into
full blown wateriL places. New Orleans
Pieayune.
An old bachelor, who particularly hated
literary women, asked an authoress if she
could throw any light OH kissing. Il could.
said she, looking archly at him, ''but think
its better Ill the dalk.
Two painters, meeting What have you
got in the exhibition this Year" 'Oh still
life, pie, e,some oysters and lobster" why
didn't you pain: II LinIburcer cheese, rs YOU
did last year, We'll, did commence one,
but couldn't make my model keep its
pose
Scene Union railroad horse-car (party Of |
sophomores coming home from a little sup |
per-. No. l-"Dont make so much noise. |
Fred, you'll give yourselfaway to those fresh |
men opposite. fred-(h (hic) Il don't care, |
freshie thicl s goods any other man mere |
accident Of birth. - Harvard Crimson.
Oh. the little tiny ants,
How they Chamber up Jour pants,
AT the picnic meath the willows in the glen
How they seem to take delight in
Ikn obnoxious sport Cf htin'
It's delightful, when ons's cooling
To the damsel he Is wOoins.
10 isel the play fdl creatures IN his PANTS
And upon the per!umed air
lie thrObs a soulful swear
At his sisters and his cousins and his ants
Oh, it sets the brain a throbb.ng
TO feel those insects bobbing
Up and down our system in their merry glee
there's one way you right EN-,
And that is, Zee and fight 'cIn,
.teath tho shadow OF some distant friendly tree
81 Louis Ttmss-j0HrRdL
Ayoung lady was heard to remark day
or two ago. why, | haven't had woollen
hoe on my limb this winter" That's culchah.
concord Monitor.
An ambitious Young clerk in wholesale
grocery establishment resolves to enter the
evil service and SO presents himself before
The examiners. One Of the questions is,
What is coffee and where does it come
from 20. come now, You know" says the
AT IaaKa |
me to plead privilege. That's professional
secret. Paris Paper
Where was this assault made upon you -
asked AN attorney of stupid witness, who
was prosecuting neighbor for assault and
battery. Hey = asked the witness. AT
' hat place was tins assault made ?" repeated
he attorney. Right here, replied the wit
less, laying finger tenIelly upon his in
ured eye.
The Rev John Brown, OF uaddington was
IN the habit OF proposing, on festive occa-
'lons, certain young lady as his toast
havlnB abandoned the practice, he was ask
I'd Tor reason. "Because, said he II hive
.oasted her for lG years without being able 10
make her brown, and so I've resolved to
oast her no longer
\ certain resident of North Adams recent
y burned his wife, woman OF unusual size
md a few days after the sad event neigh
lor attempted n little in the consolation line |
ly remarking, well, Mr. you have met
With heavy loss" "Yes," replied the
nourner with n sigh. "she weighe most 100
pounds :"
A small boy in town had seen his mothers
ur muff that had been badly eaten with
moths. Shortly aiterwarl he was in his
athers stable watching the process of curry
nG hls pet pony. The animal was shedding |
Is coat, and consequently large punches of
laIr came out with each application of the
'omb. With tears in his eyes the little fel-
ow rushed into the house and exclaimed :
oh, mamma mamma the moths have got
nto my pony and I'm afraid he's ruined 80
Philadelphia Press.
The position Of Judge is a trying one
Boston Post.
II Is stated that wrll-known English |
porting noblcnnn hast year paii IA bill OF
l2OO for medical attendance upon his unck
# hounds. The Albany .I,ln7ql says he
must have thrown considerable physic to the
logs
The Gdze't, says Clara Louise Kellogg went
rom the Mu.c hall to the Parker house.
hanged her dress, locked her trunks. and
eft the Providence depot for New York, all
II 20 minutes. This isiahout the quickest
work ever done by Singer machine agent.
Commercial Bulletin
Newspapers In Paris
PLrisian journalists, says British journal
st, are a peculiar race of men who write
what they think and when they think little
SIlte nonsense. They have no fear Of editors
,efore their eyes, for they make their dignity
consist IN accepting no editorial Tet0uches
v yhatever to their articles When French
nan finds that he is''getting too big " for his
,urnal, and making its columns