The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-11-07
VARIETIES.
Long since all women of our day
The honest path forsook;
For gloves and shoes sometimes they'll pay
BIlt buttons they will hook

But buttons they will hook.
Puck.
"A gentleman who was asked for his mar
| rage certificate quietly took his hat off and
pointed to bald spot. The evidence was
conclusive.
"A student at a veterinary college being
asked, if broken-windedh horse were brought
to him for treatment what he would advise,
promptly replied, ITO sell him as soon as
possible"
"A subscriber writes to an editor in the
west: u don't want your paper any lon
ger" To which the editor replies, would
not make it any longer even if you did (; it's
present length suits me.
-"Healthy place here ?" asked visitor,
who was prospecting in the neighborhood of
Denver, Colorado. stranger, yes" was the
reply "Ten years ago we had to kill two
old men to set the cemetery a-going.
1t was quaint old Thomas Fuller who
said: "There are fools with little heads and
there are fools with big heads; in the one
case there is no room for so much wit, and in
the other case there is no wit for so much
room"
"A physicians little daughter, called upon
for toast, gave, 1.-THE health of papa ard
mamma and all the world" But she sudden
world. for then papa would have no pa
tients"
"A bore once said to Jerrold, in compa-
ny which was discussing the merits of GER
tain piece of music, That song, sir, always
carries me away" The wit quietly turned
to his friends and asked, Twill some one
kindly sing t."
-"Prisoner, how old are YOU" "Twenty-
tNpn o
pers make out that YOU were born twenty
year in prison, and l don't count that-it
was lost time"
"A park policeman seeing a yellow dog
near two handsomely dressed women, APP
proaches respectfully and says: Does this
Mercy, nor Park Policeman Qifting his
| cane)-"Get out O here you dirty beastw
1T was very mean man who slipped his
hand between the heads ola young man and
young lady in the front seat, as the train en-
tered the tunnel. He said afterwards the
young mans beard was very stiff, but the
pressure on the other side of his hand felt
like the tips of a fur tie.
-"Oh, you're just from Memphis. Got the
yellow fever, have YEP" said the stalwart Off
Ger as he yanked the tramp into the station
house. "Wall, we'll disinfect We by washing
We an then shettin' ye up in the ice-chest all
night" And in ten seconds the tramp had
| concluded that it was a case ofmistaken iden-
| tity, and that he had never seen Memphis.
"A man from New Jersey, recently on a
visit to this country, while strolling through
| the governments ground at West Point, was
attracted by number of cannon, the muZzle
ends of which were imbedded in the earth
"What are these guns placed in this position
| for?" inquired he of a cadet, who CHANGED to
pass. "In case of war with China" was the
young soldiers prompt reply.
"A green young man saw for the first time
a school girl going through some of her GYM
nastc exercises for the amusement of the lit
| tie ones at home After gazing at her with
looks of interest and commiseration for a
while he asked n boy near by, "Has that gal
got tits?" NO" replied the lad contemptu-
| ously, that's gymnastics" ooh It's, hey u
replied verdant: show long has she had 'em ~
I think twas in September, if l rightly
| now remember, that | heard knocking
knocking at my door; yes, know twas in
| September, for quite well | now remember,
| he had been there knocking at my door. But
| opened not, nor wondered as upon the door
| he Numbered, for he yelled, "say, now, will
| lou, SSttiS 'hdp VIZ pii bilIS NOu, 40 lit
battered on the door; and answered, calmly
answered, "Nevermore."
| They were looking at the hippopota-
mus at the Aquarium Said she, "Augustus
dear, did you say that was horse ?" "Yes,
duckie, | did; river-horse." "Well, isn't
he madeup wrong, or deformed, or something
of that sort ?" ooh, no; that's the only
model of blood stock they have in Africa; he
isn't very pretty, is hep" "Well, no, not
very; but do you know he reminds me OF
you sometimes, Augustus dear?" "IIow
dearie? When he shuts his eyes and drifts
into those delicious phases of review" "No
you old blessing, its when he yawns."
| AN INTELLIGENT MULE-Georgian have
discovered that mules are not deficient in intel
| ligence. A few days ago mule at Columbus
trotted up in limping way to blacksmith
shop and deliberately walked into the shop
He seemed to be very uneasy and restless, eX.
hibiting unmistakable signs of pain. The
men in the shop were rather taken back by
the mule who thus came to the shop un-
bridled and loose AT last the mule lifted up
one of his legs, and with gesture of his
head directed the attention of one of the men
to his foot. 1t was then discovered that q
nail had worked its way into the flesh, evi
IDENTIFY causing the apparent pain. The mai
was then drawn out, and his muleship, much
relieved, gave snort of thanks. A few mo
ments after he trotted OF much pleased and
hua NOT hann seen since