The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1879-09-05
SAINT JOHN MOSQUITOES.


II. J. Burdette in Burlington Hawkeye.1
Well, / had been trout fishing all
the day before, and had waded down
the river few miles, and Saturday
night I poured a bushel and half of
oats into each of my boots, and all the
bright, sunny, Sabbath day they set
out in the sun and basked, while
lounged around loosely shod in slip
pers and extremely happy. / went TO
church in the evening, and you can't
imagine how easy and comfortable
were my slippered feet. I thrust them
| out before me and admired them. In
a moment or two a musquito came
sailing along, humning the refrain OF
a hymn the congregation had just
ceased singing. This startled me
little, but not very much, because
always believed that the st. John
mosquitoes could sing if they would.
Well, this fellow sailed on, passed me,
then he turned and came back, and 1
observed that he had a rather wicked
look in his eyes, although, reasoned,
that was no more than one might eX-
pect of a musquito that flew around on
the Sabbath. Presently, still humming
tBroad is the road that leads to death, !"
the bird made a few circles and lighted
on my slippered foot, making his land
ing about an inch above the slipper.
DOOMED.
"Now, son." said, ssthis is a little
too much. I admire check, but you
fairly gorge my admiration. I am
sorry for you, because 1 know your
harmlessness and your stupidity. But
your impudence is more detcstable
than your imbecility is touching, and
am compelled to mash you"
RETRIEVED. ...
I lifted my other foot to crush him,
and I hope I may live thousand
years if that mosquito didn't get the
drop on me.
I haven't felt anything like it since
seven years ago, when tried to mend
the family wash boiler, and poured
tablespoonful of sizzling, glowing,
bubbling solder down inside my shoe.
AN 1N1fuAfAN BANQUET.
AS am truthful man, when I felt
the shot, I looked down, and that
him, his front legs stretched out and
braced against my foot, while the
venemous wretch, holding his mouth
full of epidermis and stocking, leaned
back, pulled, and shook his head saw
agely like bull terrier, without ever
breaking his hold. Just before 1
kicked him he let go and sailed around
behind my head, while he joined the
congregation in singing,
"Brethren, while we sojourn here,
Fight we must, but need not fear"
I sat in silent, enduring agony, won
dering what manner of bird the Mus
quash mosquito was, when suddenly
another one came behind me, caught
1x,f L, 7 fhOy1rht in,
soul it would pull the leg off me before
L could shake and kick it loose. And
then it lodged about my ears, swapping
at them as it went by, and humming
with great affectation of feeling, 81
would not live Away" L was glad
that it felt that way about it. 1t lived
long enough to satisfy me, all the same.
All through the service this inhuman
banquet went on. The mosquitoes
that came late didn't stand on cere-
mony, but drew right up and helped
themselves. "Cut little closer to the
bone," the old ones would say to the
new corners, "you'll find the meat
sweeter." And closer to the bone it
was.
L kept up q regular tattoo with my
feet, until the senior deacon came over
and whispered to me that the Domin-
ion churches had not adopted the New
York custom of applauding the good
points in a sermon. Then held my
feet Off the floor and kicked them
straight out, every time new mus
quito got tho drop on mo and made n
BULBS eye, until q man sitting in front
of me turned around and sternly as
surcd me that If l didn't quit kicking
his wife and children ho'd throw mo
out of the window. i had wondered
several times, in an distracted sort of
way, what the children were crying
for. Once, in my suffering, got my
feet up on the pew and tried to sit on
them, but the maneuver seemed to
afford the young ladies in that vicinity
so much amusement that had to give
it up. i got hold of n window stick,
and tried spearing the mosquitoes
with it, like GELS, but it attracted too
much attention, and owing to my ner-
vousness was failure anyhow. AT
1 L. 4