Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-05-16
MULTUM IN PARVO.

iVers. They always die-ate.
A sCoLDDG WOMAN, like train con-
ductor, is pretty much always on the
rail
COOKING SCHOOLS are said to have
been remarkably successful in Phila-
delphia.
"THE spring time has come gentle,
Annie" Sometimes it does not come
that way.
WHEN dog is particularly glad to
see his master he has an express Wag
on his tail.
IT is not always possible to keep from
having mud thrown at you; but you can
always keep from throwing it at others.
A PHILADELPHIA paper, in giving
the vital statistics of that city, lumi-
nOusly observes: "Of the births, 1885
were children"
THE great moral question of the hour
is whether the wife of a man who is
divorced ought to be called spare rib.
N z. Herald.
A BLACK-AND-TANes establishes terrier
tore-ial government over a rat when
he takes him to raise.-SteW5enUiI
(N. ~ Herald.
THE.trouble with this country lust at
present appears to be, that there are
too many men with rich mems desires
and poor mems pockets.-Wd Waterloo O5-
SeTUer.
"JANE," said he, "I think if you
lifted your feet away from the fire, we
might have some heat in the room"
And they hadn't been married two
years either.
EAGLES appreciate sarcasm. A Vir-
ginia farmer fixed up a straw baby and
left it on the grass to be carried off by
the proud bird. When the eagle dis
covered the cheat he left the neighbor-
hood forever.
SCHOOLMIsTREss Gust beginning a
nice improving lesson upon minerals
to the juniors) Now, what are the
principal things we get out of the
earthP'' Youthful Angler, aged four
(confdently)-"Worms."
BROKEN HEART is the romantic name
Of a railroad station in Minnesota.
Touching as this title is, however, all
sentimental persons must acknowledge
that Fried Liver, a mining village in
Arizona, is still more tender.
SOME people are born to be contrary,
and they fulfill their mission with relig-
iOus zeal. They are like the Irishman's
frog, who, he said, always stood up
when he sat down, and always sat down
when he stood up.-M T. Herald.
THE pedestrian fever has even ex-
tended to the most secluded precincts
of the family circle. We hear of sever
al young ladies of highly respectable
parents in this city who are training to
walk, and nearly ali of them are under
two years of age.-AL5aHy cypress.
A ST. PAUL wife explained the fur
rows along her husbands nose by the
remark that as man and wife they gen
orally pulled well together in the do
nestle harness, but that occasionally
he got baIEzy, and then it became her
duty to bring him up to the scratch.
A sCHoOL-TEACHER of Springfield,
Mass, said in a public assembly, the
other evening, that he believed pro-
fame swearing to be spreading alarm
ingly among the boys of that city. He
had known instances where a lot of
school-boys, Just dismissed from their
lessons, had arrayed themselves in a
line along the fence and set up a COM
petitive swearing exercise, just to see
who could utter the most blood-curding
Oaths.
A KIND and thoughtful father burst
into tears the other day when he re-
feeted that in less than tWenty-One
years his newborn son would have to
fv,1 E00 Trana1
exemption money. "Cheer up" said
a friend, encouragingly; perhaps the
law may be changed before the kid
comes of age" That's So" said the
father, drying his tears; cor perhaps
he may be a widows son by that time,
and so be exempt anyhow. 1t is always
best to look on the bright side of
s."-Figdro.
The woman who doubts entered q
Detroit fish store the other day with
hesitating step, and, after looking
around upon various piles of the fnny
tribe, she tUrLed to the proprietor and
asked: "Do you keep fish here?'' ''NO,
madam" was his prompt reply. "We
keep hardware and groceries here, but
you will find a fish store four doors be-
low. Come tothe door and I will show
you." She looked from him to the fish
and back, hesitated, and he continued:
"Can sell YOU anything in the line Of
stoves to-dayP" She shook her head
and walked out. She didn't call at
four doors below, which is q tobacco
store, but she looked into the windows
at the display of pipes, then back at
the fish store, and somehow or other
something puzzled her.-DetrOit Free
Press.
A STORY is told of a Colorado Justice
that, on one occasion, one Pat MOllOy
was brought before him charged with
assault and battery. After reading the
complaint, the Court asked him if he
would plead guilty or not guilty.
"Guilty, Your Honor" said Pat.
''Well, do you want me to impanel
Jury and 90 on with the trialP" "NO,
Your Honor; I don't need any jury nor
trial. 1 was prisint when 1 hit the
bloody spalpeen over the head, and l
can swear 1 am guilty and ready to pay
nv fne." THAT wQn'tdO, Pat, said
the Judge. % You are SO unreliable 90
yO,,r statements that 1 can't take your
word for it, and will be compelled to
proceed with the trial. And he did
so, the Jury confirming the truth Of
Pats plea, and making him unneces-
sary costs of about twenty-five dollars,
after which the Court adjourned to the
saylDZe-rOODl. Dl.-COT ChicdGO Tribune.