Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-05-23


Puns are compatible with the serious as
well as the mirthful vein thus the Rev
Samuel Hearn, dying, comforted his wife
saving Peace, sweetheart. that God who
feedeth the ravens will not starve the Herns. ="
The poet Wither in II mournful review OF the
declining etate OF his family, says plaintiye-
ly: The very Name Of Wither shows de
cay"
hardly even" temperance society has
been formed down East. When a member is
asked if he drinks he says, hardly ever, but
if | do, it is about this time of day. = Ex-
change.
The musical click of the croquet balls and
the etfemiuate swear word of the village pas
tor are simultaneous nipples on the smooth
current OF this wicket, wicket world New
Haven Register
little six-year-cld was obliged to take a
dose OF medicine that left an unpleasant
taste i'll the mouth. When asked how he
liked it, he said, Its good enough, all but
the end of it. New Haven Register.
Madam said tramp on Cottage Hill,
would you give me all old pair OF pants.
for I'm starving to death. Il Nonistown
Herld
Mrs. Ponsonby de Tomkyns writes My
dear Mrs. Talbot Browne, We are 50 dread
fully distressed but horrid previous en-
gagement prevents us from accepting your
quite too delightful invitation TO dinner on
the-"(VIva voce.) .Ponsomby r. Yes, my
love" What day was it those Talbot
Brownies people asked us for p The tf-
tenth, my love. This month, or next p
Next month, my love" (Writes.l Eff
teenth of next month. | cant tell how
wrotched We both are in consequence ; and
with our kindest regards to you both, etc,
etc, etc. Punch.
"Mamma-"Well, Freddy, what hymn did
you have at church this morning. Miss
Russell (prompting)-"Su of my soul"
Freddy (promptlyl-'Suno OF Miss Russells
soul.
Georgia juries would seem, from the Incl
dent narrated below, 10 have considerable
qui-s hr=-.5-. .fiarmer lost corn from his
crib and set trap for the thief by putting
behind the crib loaded gun with the muzzle
pointed toward the door and with a string
connecting the trigger with the latch. The
next morning the dead body OF burly ne
gro was found in front of the door, and the
coroner's jury, after inspecting the corn, the
crib, the gun, the string, the door and the
dead thief, brought in verdict of ''in7olun-
tary suicide
A radical anti-prohibition speech was made
in the Minnesota Legislature the other day.
The honorable member pinned the shaft of
his argument with autobiography. Almost
the first thing my infant eyes rested on, he
said. ''gas whiskey still. My father never
sat down to dinner without bottle OF whis-
key on the table, and we all drank it. Ever
since can remember | have been in the
habit OF taking whiskey every day. If | have
skipped day have forgotten 1t. They say
that whiskey kills men and bloats them. 1t
hash killed me, and | ask any member OF
the House to say if lie thinks 1t has bloated
me-"
Who will say that the days of Aladdin are
passed and gone If these lines are true We
have great advantage over all the magicians
OF early times, for while they wished and
got their wish We can wish and get more than
We ask for
The dairy maid pensively MIXED the goat,
And pouting, she paused TO mutter,
i wish, you brute, YOU would turn to milk
And the animal turned 10 butt her.
The power OF some of the mighty explo-
sives which modern chemistry has discover
ed Is terrible to think of. When used i'm
they can reduce ordinary human
nature into larger number oforigInal atoms
than arithmetic can compute. 1t Is all done,
too, by very simple process. common
kerosene lamp, which looks as harmless us an
infant when it gets thoroughly reused can
liissipate into the air Il whole household. The
other day Il careless soldier was toying with
one of these diabolical machines. and in five
minutes he took up his quarters in at least
twenty different parts OF the town.
1t isa great mistake to suppose that man
IS the only order OF creation that is compel
ed to be economical and TO pay up what he
owes Every Intelligent early riser has no.
iced that even the grass of the field has
that is dew on 1t every morning, |
while the happy birds that hoat i'll the air |
nave their own little bills to look after AS
yell IA We.
ButcheI Come, John, be lively now
break the bones i'll Ar WIlllamsons chops |
md put Mr.. Smiths ribs in the basket tor
iim John (briskly) -"All right, sir Just
IS soon Us I've sawed of Mrs. Murphy's
eg.'
An Indiana paper has this interesting per-
onal item concerninga versatile young lady
Miss Zoe Moore is the happy possessor OF a
Inc new piano. She now divides her time
'etween the piano, the store and geology"
Two Chinese gods have been seized Tor
of duty at the New York Gus
ON House. Bob lngersoll should see that
he tariff on gods is removed. We must
ave free trade in this article ii our country
to he pagani2ed. RI Baltimore Gazette
Miss Bonc,Dr (who has been reading to her
unday- school class So Won see, children,
he good man Aaron swallowed up all the
ther rods. Tommy with heartfelt sigh
inrry. don't wish dads old ticker had been
mere Harvard LamPoun.'
ssIyahaII, M, Iaaf SAID a rich