The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-01-03
French Wit.
Done into English by the World.

Eloquent free-thinker delivering grafton at
the grave of eminent free thinker:
Thou, noble one, vast not the dupe Of vain
superstltions. Thou ddst not, like so many of
the weaker minded, believe in the dIshonoring
and monstrous Inventions of a god with small
| 'g) and future state. Adieu, NOBLE friend
so'en; may We meet IN a better world than
| thsl"
Madame G. calls at friends house on a wet
day, and her feet being damp says to her friend:
| my dear will you let your maid bring me a
pair of your slippers?''
"My love-" replies her friend-:here are sey-
eral people in the parlor, "do you think my
| slippers will fit you?"
20, think so my darling, If you will tell
her to put cork sole inside of them"
"Come, now," said lady recently to Alex
andre Dumas, "who gave you the right to Judge.
US poor women as cruelty as you do?'
mo one gave it to me, madame" said
Dumas, 81 bought it,"
snob invited a connoisseur in wines to dine
with him, telling him that he had laid iu some
wine that would sstonish him.
AT the critical moment the host SAYS, "well,
now, what do you think of that, eh?"
Il don'tknow what you bought il for" says
the expert, gently but firmly, ''but il isn't
that"
Nine. X calls her servant in q low voice:
"Johnr
John makes 40 reply, aud she beckons him
and says:
Didn't you hear me when spoke to you a
minute ago?"
"Yes'm, but you spoke SO low thought you
didn't want me to hear you.'
In mad house. IL
$50, doctor, poor NJ has been put in your
hands on account of mental alienaton?"
"Yes, poor fellow"
Locked up among the madmen, eh? Dear,
dearp'
80, bless you, no. He has played consider
able part in politics, and he and sat and yuted
together, and SO l could never think of putting
him among the madmen. He is in the idiot
ward"
Everyone is familiar with that form of luuacy
where the patient insists on believing that he
is millionaire or an emperor. something
especially grand and glorious.
''How is old Langlume?" said some one, the
other day. meeting country doctor.
Poor fellow, bis reason has given way;
hopeless, hopelessp
"lndetd?"
"Yes, indeed Ho's mad on the subject of
earthly honors-thinks he's member Of the
village council"
Edouard Ourlac was once consulted bya
novelist, who wanted sensational and tax
ing title for his new book.
"All right" said Ourliac sis there auy al
lusion to drum in the story?''
None whatever"
"Nor funefal2'
"Nsry."
'Tben call il, Not a Drum nor a FnnaraI
Note"
The author did SO, and the book was tre-
mendous success.
First Player, insinuatingly-If were to ask
you for three cards now. 'spose you'd give
em to me?
" Second Player, preparing to turn it down
You bet would.
First Player coldly-Then, won't.
She wept, the poor laundress on returning
five shirts, where her patron hae entrusted her
with six, and confessed that she had burned
big hole in the sixth while ironing
Never mind" says, kindly, her customer;
Chrlstmas comes but once year, aud thatll
be all right How much do l owe you?"
six shirts at twelve-and-a-half cents each
seventy-ive cents"
"But say, you burned one of 'em up"
well, suppose L did, hadn't washed 1t be-
fore burned it? Go along wild ye; trying to
chate poor dissolute widow"
A scientist who had been left outside of the
distance flag by zebra, proceeded to investi-
gate the cause of the animals superior speed.
'The only difference between the zebra and
the horse" he finally concluded, sis ths-the
zebra is striped; he's a rifed horse.'
From that to the discovery of the rifed can
non was but a stem