The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-02-28
WIT AND HUMOR.
A HoRsE-RAcE-Colts.

PLAYING bawl-Feigning to Dry
The sign of the cross-A frown.
BRANCH houses"-The florists.
AN old figure in the German-Nein
AN uncomfortable suit--A libel suit.
A NICE jam is preferable to an ice
jam.
LOOK not upon the swine when it Is
bled.
A BILL-HEAD-The bust of Shaks-
peare.
The newborn babe is the creature of
suck-emstances.
WICKED young men style scarlet
stockings " fire hose"
WHEN You have family jar you can't
always preserve the peace.
"THERE's music in the heir" says
Jones' Jones has a brand-new baby at
his house.
WE suppose no one would care to do
without "A tongue. But, after all, it Is
only matter of taste.
Young ladies think they Miss it by
not, aud many married lady thinks she
Mrs. it in being married.
| POVERTY brings some strange pledges
to the pawnbrokers. A poor carpenter
Showed up window the other day.
THE man who iostles You oil the ice,
causing your feet to fly out from under
you, is the fellow who gives you the
slip.
A PROMISING young man by the name
of Waters says his paternal progenitOr
is famous as being "the father OF
Waters"
The most bashful girl we ever heard
Of was the young lady who blushed
when she was asked if she had not been
counting sleep.
in all this wide world during these merry
winter days is half mince pie with
boy around it.
The sea-sick lady refused the stew
ards invitation for dinner and called for
the chambermaid instead. A case of
basin gratitude.
ASK an assuming man to assume a
little matter for You, and you suddenly
discover he is the most unassuming per-
son III the world.
WHEN friend of ours, who is an
assistant bookkeeper, is questioned as
to his occupation, he replies that he is
an underwater" Which he certainly is.
WE were present. not long since, at an
"affair of honor" The principals met at
the appointed time and place, and one
loaned the other 500 without secur-
ity.
HIGHwAY-RoBBERIEs are very frequent
nowadays. While going home on re-
cent night, a citizen was held up by
"A friend. N. B.-The citizen was in
toxicated.
"WHo is the Father of Lies?" asked
the Sunday-school teacher. And a good
! little boy on the front row replied:
"Please, sir, Deacon Pillsbury is the
father of Lie"
A DUTCH saloonist, when asked why
he hung beer-mug in front of his
place, replied: Don't dot constitution
of the United States say, Hang yom
banners on dose outside walls?' so
puts mine flag on de front wall of mine
| shtore."
A REALLY neat tramp, when he puts
piece of custard pie III his inside coat
pocket, always places the outside
crust rim in first, allowing the centrlX
point of the triangle to gracefully hand
over the edge, after the manner of a.
bandana handkerchief.
WHERE THEY ARE GOING.
Laura sits watching the clouds overhead;
Where they going, wonderY"
Prosaic Tom. from the door Of the she'd
Il guess they going to thunder"
Where are they goings" Ethel inquiries,
Watching the COWS a. they psss:
Rudely shouts Bill, with voice like criers;
81 reckon they're going to grass!"
-Burdette ~
con, / suppose he loves Sarah and
would be glad to marry her" she Va
saying to another woman in the Pct
Office corridor yesterday, "but dunn"
"Isn't he nice young man." asked ne
other. "Well, he's nice enough, mt
very reckless with his money. AT Chrst-
mas time he made us present q y
French clock for the parlor. and thec's
not one of us in the house could spak
word of French. He might JUS as
well have presented us with a Gernan
thermometer or Spanish umbrda
We had To trade il for barrel of mo-
lasses."- Detroit Free Press.
HE'D OFFER TO LIVE OFF HER.
Il will" Kate said. "you. Charley, wed.
IL you'll through life stand by me"
~Irl stand you by-if don't lie.
Ouoth Charley Int don't tTy me-"
"Oh yes, see" said Kate I'm glee.
you would not have me slight you
by needless ways in vedlock days;
yT,sould be q plight plight YOU"
AN right" said he; i will agree
To take the plight you prorer."
Her wealth wss great-hed chance his ffe,
And offer 10 live OF her.
-CHicdoo Commercial Adr1 tfser.
THE Japanese house. which vas
great attraction mt the Exhibition was