The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-05-23
Some Samples of New England Wit and
HumOr.
IArthur GiIman's recent Lecture.l

Arthur Gilman's recent Lecture.1
On the morning after the first delivery
of this lecture in Massachusetts, town
the driver who was taking me to the sta
ton said to me: "That was pretty toler-
able good, what you gave 'em up to the
hall last night. Ihav'nt seen nobody that
didn't like it, but Old Deacon Fry, and
he never likes nothing. He said it might
be well enough for light-minded kind Of
folks, but he thought there was parts on
it was dreadful shallow"
The principle of mirth is not deep
one, but it is as innate in the mind as any
other original faculty we possess. More
sayings and incidents provocative of true
mirth can be found nowhere than in our
Northern States, on all subjects. We are
apt to find only what we look for, and
thus peculiar wit often has to be ex-
planned to people in good set terms.
Frequently the speaker has no adequate
conception of the force of his own re-
marks. ''I'm kept SO busy with this big
estate my brother left me, said sharp
Yankee lawyer, s'I declare sometimes I
almost wish John hadn't died. I re-
member having read, in letter from q
tourist in our Northwestern States, a des-
cription of the difficulty of shooting the
rapids of one of our Northern rivers, and
the slow process of polling up stream
again. Two of the settlers undertook to
dispense with the usual boatmen the
boat was upset, and the two adventurers
were swept rapidly down the river.
A tall, gaunt shopkeeper ran down the
pier, crying, GO Save the read-headed
one! For heavens sake save that man
with the red headi" This started the
people to work, and they saved him.
The tall, gaunt man waited to see that
life was not quite extinct, and then
turned away with the remark, "I
wouldn't have had that man drowned for
consid able. He owes me $16." "Well,
there's something in that said one of
the bystanders. g I expect man don't
know how valuable he is in this world
till he owes somebody some money.
Then folks wants to know where he's
goin'." A stage-driver in the White
Mountains, when asked what he thought
of the Notch, replied: Well, I was
born around here, you know, and I don't
mind it SO much. But if I should go
down to New York, I reckon likely I'd
gawk around considerable myself"
A dozen years ago there used to come
q rusty old dealer in farm produce to
Boston. One Saturday night, having
sold everything but keg of apple-sauce,
he exchanged this in tailor's shop for
an overcoat, which the tailor told him
fitted him perfectly. Next morning, on
the meeting g-house steps, all his friends
began to disparage his purchase. Why,
it's all puckered up behind; it don't touch
you nowhere" :" Well" said the farmer,
81 couldn't see it behind when bought
1,,,k II H<o1 L. 81 e., h.
to be a nice sort of man. But guess
I amt got much the worst of this trade,
after all. guess when he comes to eat
well down into that air keg of apple-sass,
well down toward the middle, guess
he'll find it just about as puckery as the
coat is"
During the existence of the Dorr rebel
Lion in Rhode Island, the leader of the
drew up his men on the sum-
NIT of hill near Providence. Pointing
to the advancing troops, he said: Yon-
der, my men, come the enemy, the aris-
tocrats who would rob you of your
sufrages. Fight 'em to the last gasp,
and, if you have to retreat, do it with
your face to the foe, selling your lives
dearly at every step you take, and las
the troops came nearer) as am little
lame guess I'll start now %
A small boy was hoeing corn in ster-
lie field by the roadside, when passer-
by stopped and said: 6 Pears to me your
corn is rather small. " Certainly"
said the boy, Sc it's dwarf corn. - "But
it looks yellow. :" Certainly, !" replied
the boy, 1--WE planted the ya1ler kind. +"
" But it looks as if you wouldn't get
more than half a crop" ssOf course
not, . said the boy, "we planted her on
shares.