Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1879-10-15
Humors OF the Faculty.

The dreariness OF the iests and the
atrOcity OF the witticisms which the
undergraduate editors accredit to theii
commanders of the class rooms, vary
little in degree from season TO season,
brit an exhibition Of recent specimens
of these traditionally stupid and inso.
lent utterances may perhaps serve the
useful purpose of causing few old Of
tenders Ia reform at the opening of this
new year.
\ Princeton professor demonstrating
with Sophomore for creating a dis
turbance in the classroom, laid his
hand insinuatinSly on the refractory
ones shoulder with the remark: M y
dear young man. the devil has hold OF
you" ''SOme of the gentlemen OF this
class are evidently cut out for profess
sorS," said one of those at Rochester
University; ''they have such thirst
tor imparting information in the class
ROOM" \ Sophomore at Tufts in
translating Horace was stopped by
'faba" which the professor told him
siguiiied ''be2n," and then. as the
translation was still delayed, added,
."Well sir if You know beans, you
ought TO be able to proceed. Gentle
men'' exclaimed Middlebury pro-
lessor, ''If you can't spend less time on
euchre and more on German, Mrs.
Hammond will get after you and burn
you all up''-the allusiOn being to 4
woman preacher, noted for vivid rhet-
oric concerning the future punishment
of the wicked. "Wherc did you tell
ME to begin, Professor" asked a Har-
ward student who had lost the place.
81 did not say, but you can go on
where the last man left off, was the
crafty response. Comic" sections at
Columbia were thus described by the
Acta:
"Sir," Numbered an irate professor
as his right hand described parabola
in the air and his eye shot q double or
dinate of wrath straight through the
focus of the Offending Sophomore, "Sir
how shall characterize such deiini-
ton of hyperbola as you have just Civ
en- mcS'
al think" meekly responded the
wretched SOph., cOnYulsively twining
his legs around the sub-tangent of the
chair, ""I think | shall call it hyper
bOlical."
"No sir" came the crashing reply :;
sit is simply diabo.ical:" And then
the stern features of the arbiter OF fate
relaxed, IS he eliminated his Victim
from the chair and described the cir
cumferance OF Il British ducks egg in
the register.
Al an example of what 4 college Of
ficer can do in self-defence, the follow
ing current story may be once more
reprinted; "a very tire-sOme civil en-
gineer had been vexing the righteous
soul of one OF the university professors
who, for joke and to rid himself OF
the nuisance, sent him to DR.. b. B
with his engineering schemes as to a
congenial and sympathetic soul. He
therefore came with high hopes and
unfolded his schemes several times
with wearisome multiplicity of detail
to the devoted professor, when the
listeners impatience made itself felt.
The engineer continued to say just one
moment, Professor, one thing more.
Finally, his hearers much tried pa
thence showed signs of utterly giving
way, whereupon the patentee again
said ~ only want to show you one
more thing, Professor. Ihave invent
ed short method of boring a noun.
tain, which | think will prove very
valuable My dear SIR burst iOrtl
the weariej listener, elf you would
only invent short method of boring
! individuals you would indeed confer 6
lasting benefit on the human rat e.
The engineer departed"