The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-01-17
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
Let Western pevsnaner men Climb topetl

q
versible suspenders. s.--Dstroit Free Press.
There is an artesian well in South Caro-
lima !, 300 feet deep. It has cost 800, 900,
| and hasn't struck hh-hoil yet-Rochester
Union.
Samuel j. Tilden will not hang up his
| stockings this year. He is afraid old
Santa Claus will fill it full of cipher dis
patches.--Norristo,oR Herald
"Give him the rest of it IN pail is the
latest slang among the gamins. Nobody
knows what it means, and it is applicable
to everything and everywhere. e.-Bur1sngtoB
Haaokeye.
country subscriber sends us the follow
ing atrocious conundrum Why is man
who looks at Barnum's giantess like an an
cient Emperor? Because he sees her, the
great.--Pochestsr Democrat.
Our friend Smith objects to the waltz. 1t
should be borne in mind, however, that
Smith is almost as bow-legged as-wel,
photograph of Smiths legs would present
the following appearance, to-wit O.--OH
City Derrick.
There would be one mighty good thing
for General Grant, if he would accept the
throne of Bulgaria. His Majesty couldn't
understand a word his subjects said when
they came around the palace and waited for
collectorships and postofices. --Burlington
HaaoEeye.
bare-footed darkey, while hoeing cot
ton one day, saw his big toe under clod,
and thinking it mole's head hit it and
hurt himself. After working with it awhile
he got tired; set his foot on a stump and
said: "Well, jes pain away now doesn't
care, you hurts yeself wusin ye do me."-
Indianapolis News.
A brainless young noodle stopped gruff
old merchant on the street and said, 81
have thought "Have you 9' said the
merchant. 'Ill go right off and hunt up
a reporter, and tell him about the accident"
And as the old man started of the young
fellow was so amazed that lie couldn't think
of what he hought.--Keokuk Constitution.
a Cain.-- Whitehall Times. Yes, and be
was the first man who ever raised Cain.--
albany Argus. Others would had they
been Abel.-Boston Post. These jokes are
old, and we respect them. Like Cain, they
have carried their mark for many years.
N. 7. Commercial Adcertiser.
The Sunday school scholar may still un-
ceasingly toll on with the problems in bis
cateehism, and yet limp on the answer to
the first question but give him fair
chance at one session of minstrel troupe
aud, if he can't slug the choruses of all the
clowns songs and whistle the air of the first
part, he is not American.--Egeha
- Brethren, before we sing the next verse
Of John Browns body lies all mouldy in
the gl ave- lot us take look into the grave
and see that it Is there. In these days of
Ohio mediea1 colleges a cemetery isn't no
safer Shan a savings bark, and IL sasy be
that ;sticai gIee Clubs, who have been
sinaifss the song quoted shove have been
chanting q rny ythmic lie for the past fifteen
years Burlsnsfsasln Has'keys.
-
Humorists are not encouraged in China.
When paragrapher gets off a jokesoR =
slant-eyed Emperor, the alleged humorist /
has his pig5tail cut of The loss of this |
hirsute appendage is bad enough, but when |
they amputate it without removing it froin
his head, it becomes painful, and the para
grapher's propensity for joking is cured
Narrsefooro, yYouo5I
"Ah, by Georgen' groaned young Mr..
Lethered, sinking weariiy into an Office
chair, "Ah, by George nay head aches
fearfully' "Possible?" asked his employ
er, Mr. Hardfax, with look of curious in
terest and sympathy "Possible ? Some
thing must have got into it, And then for
a long time nobody said anything, and the
room seemed TO grow about fifteen degrees
colder.-Burlington Haokeye.
"Are you the saleswoman of whom bought |
this handkerchief yesterday ?" asked a pur-
chaser at one of our dry goods. 8" am
the saleslady who Sc rved you, madame y
responded the reduced Empress in banged |
hair, long watch chain and ringed fingers |
who presided at the counter. Vel"
SAID the customer, ~ will take dozen |
more, and as wish TO send them to my wash |
erlady at once viii get you to send them
to my carriage around the corner. My |
coach-gentleman cannot get to the door |
Just now, for the cart of the ash gentle
man.-Boston Com. Bulletin