The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-01-11
VARIETY.

Take away women and what would follow
The men.
81 don't like that cat, it's got splinters in it's
feet" was the excuse Of four-year-old for
throwing the kitten away.
E7e's last words on leaving Paradise were,
al dca't care. Adam. .''-ChiesgO Nel0s.
According to the Buffalo Express, "Iager beer
doesn't intoxicate. It is the quantity that some
men carry that weighs them down."
The pen that is mightier than the sword is the
one with which n cheque is signed Ii will win
every time.
Ifa lady runs against you in the street, apollo
gize- She expects it. 1t is the custom of the
country.
There are more poor houses constructed from
the - bricks in mems hats than from any other
material
II on the lst of january we should drop sim
gle vice and pick up virtue in its stead the doc
trine of total deprayity would soon be laid
quietly in its grave.
An honest Hibernian, in company, who blamed
the clergy for takinga tenth part of the peoples
property, exclaimed Ay, they would take
tweEtieth if they could )"
az Mamma +" said a little girl, '' do you know
why it is that get to bed quick these cold
nights? Well, I'll tell you. L step one foot on
the bed, and then say Rats y and jest frighten
myself right in"
.. Bedad," said patriotic Irishman yesterday,
- but it's ripe watermelon that should be the
emblem OF Ireland. It always has the green
above the red. Philadelphia Chronicle
It is as impossible to play with sin without
being harmed by it as it is to catch hold of
buzz saw and keep your fingers on your hand
If Noah had foreseen the future, and killed the
two mosquitoes which took refuge IN the ark, he
would have rendered some of the strongest words
in all modern languages unnecessary.
A girl says that when she dies she desires to
have tobacco planted over her grave, that the
weed nourished by her dust may be chewed by
her bereayed lovers. There is poetry in the idea.
Truth is mighty and must prevail, but a man
can give truth an awful tussle when he goes home
at two o'clock in the morning, and his wife re-
solves herself into an investigating committee
A boy on West Hill started to school the open
ing day or the term, and before he five blocks
away from home he lamed dog, lost his geogra-
ply, scared morse, broke his slate and had three
fights Times are looking up.-Har0keye.
elf I should marry Eliza .Jaue,' said pros
pectiye son-in-law. - should frankly confess
one thing in ADVANCE am of rather hasty tenn
per, and apt to get mad without cause" az Oh,
that'I be all right" blandly replied the dear old
lady; - shall 90 and live with you, and III see
that you always have cause"
lie who has money has the necromancer's art.
If yoa have all you want, people are perfectly
willing to give you more; If you have nothing,
people are willing to give you more of that too.
There is On Italian prOverb which truly says, Let
US have HOrins and we shall be sure to have
cousins a
A MoDEsr TKAxP.-The genteel tramp mount
ed the landir and rang the front door bell!
Would yor 50 kind" said be, as the
mistress OF the house appeared at the door, g to
exchange this piece Of pie for couple of bard
boiled eggs and n cup of coffee7 L am of a
dyspeptic turn, and this is the ninth quarter OF
mince pie shat l have tried to 60 through
this morning. 1 can't stand it, it's too much
of a szmeness. If you accept my proposition,
you can also have the satisfaction of telling the
nei1hbors that Mrs. Robinson, across the street,
uses aIlspice instead of cloves, and that the
under crust is very slack baked" The
temptation was great, ana the genteel tramp
had his eggs and coffee and q large triangle of
frosted cake as a bonus
Some of the blessings Of fat money are en-
loved by the people Of BuenOs Ayres. There
Il n six column paper, called the Bucnos
Avr.s Herald, of which the subscription Price
il nut at the low rate OF thirty dollars month,
uaT,er currency, that 10, about a dollar number.
The clothing house of Grand St. Martin adver-
tises suits of clothing for S70O. Another house
offers 20 sell children's suits at prices ranging
from SlJO upwards, and still another hrm ad-
yertises a new line of choice cravats ut 500
each. IL seems, from the market reports of this
journal, that gold dollar at that time was
worth S3l 90 in paper.
DTDN'r SEEM TO FIND ANY.-A gentleman living
in the northern suburbs secured n hive of bees,
two or three weeks ago, as nucleus for an
apiary. and in the course Of ten days he had read
ten different works ON the honey bee and had
invented half dozen patent hives. Che other
forenoon a man called at the house on business
and was informed by the wife that her husband
was out inspecting the bees.
Is he taking up honey?' inquired the man.
Oh, no he's looking to see if there are any
drones in the hives"
At this instant both were startled by a series
of whoops and yells, aud the husband came
around the corner of the house on the jump, his
has striking the air on all sides of him. He
rushed through the currant bushes and back,
rolled over on the grass and lit out for the barn,
and the amazed wife shaded her eyes from the
sun as she looked after him and continued, IN
a disappointed tone
Bot don't believe he found a single drOne
by the way they stick to him. ''-DefriOf Free
Press.