The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1879-09-11
FACETlOUS ITEMS.
BY JOSHUA SHORT.


A black-mailer-a negro postmaster
How to tell ripe watermelon-plus
liz.
Even the poorest can have fine style
of carriage.
A nose on the face is worth two in
other peoples business.
Does . dog exhib't animal economy
when he buries bone for future gnaw.
ing.
Joint affair-Rheumatism.-Ex. Yes,
eremple gratid, getting married is mere.
IL case of rheu masism.
Let US ell stop raising and eating po-
tstoes. By such course We may &c,
the bulge on the destructive potato bug.
-Ex. Not much; % the same des.
tructive party relisnes q mormon this
tie, ~ we'll, il not better than the rank.
est potato.
Ii people could be made to realize
that il is impossible to do others injury
without injuring themselves, they
would exercise Ill the care imagin.
able with the determination TO iojure
no one. We would stake our reputa-
tion-the whole Of it-that this would
be the exact result.
And now one New YORK editor re-
fers to another as being . mouse. Can
it really be that editors do belong TO
this race of mammiferous pests. They
certainly answer the definition furnished
by Mr.. Webster-"A we'll known ani.
NAL that infests houses
Cyrus ". Field:.ha had falling out
with his old and staunch friend Samuel
J. Tilden, and merely because in bust.
ness transaction Sammy cleared 81, 000,.
900 off from Cyrus lack of business
abilities. At least Mr.. Field got mad
abou, no small matter.
Mr.. Levy, the Israelite and much
married cornetist, of Manhattan Beach,
has unconsciouiy merged Into ono of
the brightest wits Of the day. He pro-
poses to treat crowd to he didn't care
what to tho juice of the grape or the
Jeus of Manhattan. This is an actual
occurrence, tho relation of which is not
original with Us. Wo merely italicize,
etc, and thereby show up the joke as
il were.
"Ah," exclaimed . policeman, a. he
was about to grasp wooden-legged
man who had led him good chase,
"you use that ligneous limb of yours to
pretty good advantage" "Yes," said
the pursued party, as he snatched of
the wooden member and knocked the
policeman down with il, 81 couple OF
'em reckon" And the first words OF
the policeman when no came to himself
three days subsequent to the occurrence
were, eyes, be-darned if you don't"
Said one man to another ss they took
in the beauties Of q burlesquo troupe,
"That's the managress in the pink
tights" "She must haye Q great deal
on her mind" Was the calm reply of the
other. "Yes," replied friend number
one. "That's very true, but not much on
her body"
The Sells Brothers are ct least liberal
in their advance programmes. They
only claim that theirs ia the greatest
mensgerie since the food which strikes
Us is the same as acknowledging that
it Is inferior to that of Mr.. Noah's. In
speaking of this menagerie OF Mr..
Noah's we would say that there exists
. great doubt in our mind regarding
the statistics concerning it, and the a.
legged magnitude OF the accessories and
auxiliaries IS that the account was never
audited, nor examined BY q congress.
ional investigating committee, a. should |
have been done at once upon the arrival
of the show at Mt. Ararat.
A story is abroad that . petrifsd ham
has been discovered in Virginia.-Picay.
une. Can't shoulder that upon US
Free Press. A rssher statement could
not be made.-London Advertiser.
Judging from the solid unbelief this
story seems to meet with every where,
We are of the opinion that il 10 nothing
but sham story any way.-Our closing
out sale.
An old college friend, now resi- ding
10 Vermont, contributes the following
items to our column:
An eminent speaker, while iecturing
IN this town remarked, at l only had
more ground 80 that l." "You have
plenty now tor tho benefit of the peo-
ole's corns and bunions," shouted a
Tag.
In speaking of ths fashions the other
lay, . chap fresh from Boston said
Striped pArasoIs are fast taking tho
,lace of striped stockings." think
his hardly possible; but the freaks OF
ashton arc very strange, and those who
'ave been wearing striped stockings l.
will be watched with great interest.
n THE SCHOOL ROoN-cLAss N aEoGRA-
TEAcHER.-"How would you go from
Sew York to Boston by water, :"
SMALL Boy Geographically water"
CLASS IN GRAMMAR.
,aTEAcHER. this sentsn &c. I.
Milo began to lift the OK when il VAS !
alf.'" !;
SMALL Boy (hesitatinglyl-Milo, when
70 was IN OK, began 10 lift the calf.
TEAcHHR-"Give the case Of the
ouns in this sentence, Mary came
ome late.''
lSMALL BOy.-"'ris the hard case, and .
guess Mary belongs 10 the Baptist
'ociety." )
Our frisnd also sends Us 0 number of =
Interesting items which we will be
bliged to postpone the publication of, !.
nd notice correspondents who have :