The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-09-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Sheet muslc--chdren crying in bed
Sound logc-arguiny through the telephone
When mans temper gets the best of him i
reveals the worst OF him.
The ordinary life OF locomotive is thirty years
The locomotive never marrics.
There is married gentleman who complains
that his better half gives him no quarter
The Chinaman had good grip on the idea
when he spoke of the cucumber as ono bell,
good"
The significance of the cisar.stere Indian j,
that tobacco is sold at Lo prices -Bosto" Trans.
Judges at baby shows in Kentucky wear masks
II saves unplcasantness after prizes have been
awarded.
There is one woman in Saratoga who dresses
altogether in lace.-Er. That's too thin.
The bigges, fool in the world is dead He told
his mother-n.lsw she lied, She did it with her
little skillet.
Too many young men have learned to their
sorrow that thing Of beauty is jaw forever
Ein,ifs Ha5ette.
A woman was told to 'make oath " in New
Haven court. She blushngly said Damn IT."
and protested against the rigor of legal necessity.
terating tea. Have the spectators forgotten
that honest tea is the best polcy|
Philadelphia parted with John Purio Welsh
with an exhibition OF snobbery and welcomes
him back with an exhibition Of slobbcry.-.Ne~
York Sun.
1t is a singular fact that man who is second
in command at home always wants to rule the
whole Of creation when he gets outside his yard
gate
Grace Greenwood, it is said, has embraced Spir-
ituaism. II is unnecessary to say that she got
spritussm into a corner, SO it couldn't escape
Gov. st. John, Of Kansas, gravely pronounces
the statement Of some reckless newspaper para
grapher, that he is offering chromos to induce
the blacks TO move into his bailiwick, base fab
ricaton Of the enemy.
John Logan, in bar room at Columbus,
Ohio, week ago, exploded in this wise: "What
man of any sense thinks lie can make loyal
man out of traitor good union man out Of
one who has once been a rcbelY' 1t is not GER
tain that Logan "tumbled to" the general snick.
er that went around in response to this outburst,
hut as he moved off in disguised, chopfallen way,
he was heard to mutter that the story about his
having enlisted recruits in southern Illinois for
the rebel army was "a d lie"
An exchange says, STRIPED parasols have ia
ken the place Of striped stockings" We don't
believe it, The idea of a woman holding striped
stocking over her head TO keep of the sum- and
wearing parasols on hcr-that is, wearing para
sOls-prcpoSterous.
Jonathan Haskell, the reformed clown"
while delivering temperance lecture at Mon
roevllc Ind, last week. having elected popu-
lar salooni.t from the meeting for nterruptng
him, was subsequently driven out OF town by al
mob that pcltcd him with mud, eggs and tar.
And the rulians were not from Yszoo county
either.
Taylor, Of the Wenona Iad,J, is genius, de.
oidcdly. He got corn enough to feed horse
and 50 chickens all winter for one years sub
seririon to his paper by offering 1t as prize for
the best nine ears OF corn left at his office before
a given date.
I'VE wish" says a Texas newspaper, that a
few of citizens could be permitted TO live till
they died natural death, so as to show the world
what magniHcently healthy country Texas real
ly is"
La Sale has ghost. The spectre of woman
appears on Fiddlers Green, q secluded spot be- |
tween La Sale and Peru, and is said to be seen
nightly by the Waterman, and by other specta.
tors, in the shape Of woman who walks slowly
to the edge Of the coal shaft, and then rises into
the air and vanishes like the baseess fabric Of a
vision.-.hendotd Reporter.
They say, however, it takes a good, strong for.
tEcation with Peoria whisky to ensure the spec.
tator's seeing the ghost.
John Shermans printed speeches are calculat-
I'd to do great deal of good. They will be han
dy in the spring when families are putting down
carpets TriJrtns
Sigh no more, Cyrus, sigh no more
Sans q decever ever,
soon as your ship was off the shore,
Though he had promised ne'er,
never, never to do so, he went and unoaued his
elevated stock on you.-thidgo Tribune.
Says Joaquin Miller, writing Of the river
Thames; by the side of this great commercial
artery Of She earth broods London-broods, and
broods, and broods" He might have added with
equal force and truth that it broods, and broods,
aud broods, and bro DDS, and broods, and broods.
A bachelor, upon reading that 1.-TWO lovers will
oil up all night, with one chair in the ROOM"
said it could not be done unless one of them sat
On the floor. Such ignorance is painful
VIII the editor please inform me where my
family can 20 on Sundays and be cool and com
Portable without danger Of being crowdedy Cor
respondent. Go TO church. Rochester Democrat.
THE HUNGRY PARMER-AN OLD TINE DITrY.
There was hungry farmer
driving out to grass.
And because he wouldn't 90 faster
He beat his poor old-animal with ongitud-
nal auriculars.
CHORUS.
The rye dun diddr,
The rye dunn day,
The rye DUN diddc,
The rye dun day!
lie went a little farther,
And ha mat r.tt.