The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-07-03
A Married Mans Misery.

eff matters don't mend pretty soon
l'll either murder her or take my own
life.'
Domestic trouble, l suppose ?"
querried Biah.
"That's it, sir; and I'm getting des-
perate. left home thinking I'd jump
from the dock; but happened to think
of you, and 50 thought I'd ask ad-
vice."
us the bread heavy"
"Blast the bread! I can stand
heavy bread. sloppy tea, raw meat and
half-cooked potatoes, but 1 can't and
won't stand this Internal whining,
complaining and jawing aroundp -
"Fellowtrayeller alcng the tow-bath
of Times broad gauge canal, l think /
see the pint. You have been married
about two years?''
"Not qulte.'
'You are fifteen years older than
your wite?"
"Yes-eighteen."
"You have a wooden leg and She
She"
''She hasn't, but l wish she had two
of 'eml"
''She likes goo3 clothcs2"
"You bct!"
"Shc takes the mad whirl Of society
SIC bonnets, reserved seats at the
opera. 80 boots, forty button kid gloves
and trains on her dresscs?'
''Sho does-that's her to II dot!" cx-
claimed the husband.
''And you prefer your home-even-
ing fire, newspaper, snow apples, game
OF checkers, glass Of cider, cat on the
hearth, and so on2"
"That's the sort o man am, sir,
and she harasses me to death. She's on
the trot all day and OH the gad all ev-
ening, and If demonstrate she says
want to make a slave and prisoner Of
her.'
"Don't you go along with her to the
theatre and partiesP''
81 used TO, but for the last year she's
got awful particular about my wooden
leg; says the public will think was
shot while stealing chickens"
"Does, eh? And you sit home and
keep your heels warm by the cook
stove while she gallivants?"
"The same, sir, and now what shall
l q" about it2" Something has got to
be did, and that right oil. I'll be
hanged to Davy Crockett if l put up
with it another day! You are an older
nMan than am, and you've had three
wives TO my one, and l'il do .insl as you
say about It,"
"Fellow-man, you've been wrong
from or
Bijah, as he looked out of the window
in "a weary way. "The man who mar
ries woman only half his age is d. f.
(deceived fried cake) ut the start.
Youth may reverence old age, but love
ISN'T reverence. Youth and old age
DON'T like their tators cooked the same
way, and the man who says they do is
forger. They don't see alike, and it's
cat and dog life. Then, again you
have a wooden leg, ana you should
have married a woman with q glass eye
or broken nose rs an offset. In that
case neither party has anything to twit
the other about. If was to marry
again, bald-headed as l am, l should
look fora lady wearing nulnber ten
gloves, and number nine shoes rs an
offset. Do you love your wife2'
well, to be honest about it, don't
think either Of us are dying Of love-"
'rhen my friend you go home and
nave candid talk, divide up the things
and part good friends. Give her the
largest half, throw in some small
change, and see that she gets safe home
to her mother. BY and by you can
quietly secure bill of divorce, get on
woman of fifty who has the rheumatics
so that she can't gad.'
"That's honest, is it2'
"Honest Injun. If you can't live
happy together don't hesitate 10 live
happy apart. No use in any scandal or
hard words, but divide up and call 1T
bad mistake. This killing ones self on
account of domestic trouble is all bosh."
'That's so, and I'll walk straight
home and begin the dividing up bust
ness. Thank you Bijah; may your
feet never stop growing as q reward
for this.''
When he had departed Bijah took a
short cut through the alleys, and pres
emily gained q position from whence he
could view the house where the man
lived. Developments did not tarry.
The husband had not been in the house
five minutes before he was suddenly
rushed out again, hat and cane flying,
and his share Of the things, consisting
OF three hat-irons, kettle and two
bricks, overlook him before he could
dodge.
$50 young and artless - mused BIZ
jah, as he turned away; "and yet that
last brick thnmpcd him between the
shoulders just as purity as If I'd thrown
1t myself!"
Lightning aG Il Funeral.