The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-05-16
A Peck at the Cheese.

uoh. iHe IollOWlng is an extract frOr
u the witty document:
FeHoU Cream -fioniSts: In callin
e upon me, on this occasion, to enligble
} you upon subject that is dear to tn
= hearts ofall Americans, you have go
! the right man in the right place.
makes me proud to come to nv oil,
home, and unfold truths that have bee,
folded since | can remember. 1t ma,
be said by scoffers, and ii has been said
: to-day, i'll my presence, that l didn'
4 know enough even to milk cow.
e deny the allegation; slow me. the allie
E gatoi. If any gentleman present ha
V got COW here with him, and can bor
8 row clothes ringer, will show yo,
p whether can milk COW or not. Or
E If there is a cheese mine here handy.
e Will demonstrate that / can -guanef.
t Inc manufacture Of cheese and butte,
has been among the earliest industries
| away back in the history of the world
we find Adam and Eve conveying theil
milk from the garden of Eden i'm a one.
: horse wagon to the cool spring cheese
factory, to be weighed in the balance
whatever may be said of Adam and
Eve to their discredit in the marketing
OF the products of their orchard, It has
never been charged that they stopped at
the pump and put water in their milk
can. Doubtless you will remember how
Cain killed his brother Abel because
Abel would not let him do the churn.
ing. We can picture Cain and Abel
driving cows up to the house from the
pasture in the southeast corner of the
garden, and Adam standing at the bars
WIN TN pall and three-legged stool
smoking a meerschaum pipe and sing
ing: Hold the fort, / am coming
through the rye" while Eve sat on The
verandah altering over her last years
polonaise, and winking at the Devil
who stood behind the milk house sing
ing, 81 want to be an angel" After he
got through milking he came up and
saw Eve blushing, and he said, "Mad-
anne, cheese it," and she chose it.
But to come down TO the present day.
we find that cheese has become one Of
the most important branches of mann
faeture. 1t is next in Importance to the
silver interest. And fellow cheese
mongers, you are doing yourselves In.
justice that you do not petition Con.
gress to remonetize cheese. There is
more cheese raised in this country than
there is silver, and it is more yaiuable
Suppose you had not eaten a mouthfni
in thirty days, and you should have
placed on the table before you ten dol.
lars stamped out of silver bullion on
one plate, and nine dollars stamped out
of cheese bullion on the other nlate
Which would you take first? Thou0b
the face value of the nine cheese dollars
would be ten per cent below the face
value of the ten silver dollars. Won
would take the cheese. You couid nee
It to better advantage in the business
Hence l say cheese is more valuable
than silver, and it should be made legal
tender for all debts public and privaie
except pew rent. may be in advance
Of other eminent fnancicrs, who have
studied the currency question, but
want to see the time come. and 7 bona
the day is not far distant when 40 10
grains in cheese will be equal to n dol. |
lar in Goldfish, and when the merry lin.
gle of slices of cheese will be heard in
every pocket. Then every cheese fac.
tory can make its own coins. monev
will then be plenty, everybody will be
happy, and there never will be anv
more war. 1t may be asked how fhis
currency can be redeemed2 / wonId
have an inconvertible bond made of
limburger cheese, which is stronger and
more durable. When this is done Won
can tell the rich man from the poor man
by the smell of his money. Now.a.
days, many of us do not get smell ot
money, but in the good days which are
coming the gentle zephyr will wait to
us the able-bodied limburger, and we
shall know that money is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese Is a bus;.
ness that poor man can engage in it as
well as rich man. say il without
fear OF successful contradiction, and saw
II boldly, that poor man, with. say
two hundred cows, if he thoronphjv
his business, can marker
more cheese than rich man with three
hundred oxen. This is susceptible of
demonstration. If my boy showed a
desire TO become statesman Would
say to him, young man, get married.
buy mooiey COW, go to SheboyQan
county, and start cheese factory"
of cows, did it ever occur IN
you, gentlemen, what saving it would
be to you If you should adopt mooley
cows instead of horned cattle? 1t takes
at least three tons of hay and large
amount of ground feed annually to
keep pair of horns lat, and what
earthly use are they? Statistics show
that there are annually killed $4,000
grangers by cattle with horns. You
pass laws to muzzle dogs, because one
in ten thousand goes mad, and vet more
people are killed by cattle horns than
by dogs. What the country needs is
more mooley cows. Now that | am on
the subject, il may be asked what is the
best breed for the dairy. My opinion
is divided between the Southdown and
Cochin China. Some like one the best
and some like the other, but as for.me.
give me liberty or give me death.
There are many reforms that shonld
be inaugurated In the manufacture of
cheese. Why should cheese be made
round? am inclined to the belief thai
the making of cheese round is a super.
stition. Who had not rather buy good
square piece of cheese than a wedge
shaped chunk, all rind at one end. and
as thin as a Congressman's excuse for
voting back pay in another? Make
your cheese square and the consumer
will rise up and call you another.
Another reform that might be IMAM
gurated would be to veneer the cheese
with building paper or clap board, i'm.
stead of the time honored piece ofl
towel. / never saw cheese cut that
didn't think that the cloth around IL
had seen service as bandage on some
other patient. But l may have been
wrong. Another thing that does not
seem to be right, is to see SO many
holes In cheese. 1t seems TO me that
solid cheese, one made by one of the
old masters, with no holes in it-I do
not accuse you of cheating, but don't
you feel little ashamed when YOU see
a cheese cut, and the holes are the big
gest part Of it2 The little cells may be
handy for the shipper but the con-
sumer feels the fraud ia his innermost
soul. Among the imdIyvements made
In he manufacture of cheese must not
forget that of late years the cheese does
not resemble the grindstone as much as II