The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-09-23
HUMOROUS.

CONTROVERSIAL cltizen driving in
on the Holden road the other day met
4 lad about twelve years old on tho
highway some six or sevon miles from
the city. The boy had shotgun aa
long as himself, but no game, and the
citizen inquired:
"Out for q hunt?"
~ was out for hunt" was the
"And you haven't killed any thin ?"
"Well, no."
"And you don't expect tor"
."Not unless l kin git within striking
distance. You see, two of us came out
together. After we got out here l
wanted to hunt for lions, and the other
boy wanted to shoot ostriches, and so
we divided up. He took the powder
and shot and l took the gun. Pm over
here looking for turnips, and he's over
in that field watching holler log for
bears. It's such hot weather guess
we won't have much luck, anyhow" :"
THERE are no swear words in tho
Sioux language, it Is said. But don t
let your sympathy go out to the poor
feel the loss of them. When anything
doesn't please him-when, after care
fully sharpening his lead pencil the
point snaps oH--instcad Of relieving
himself with string of oaths, he NUT
ters two or three tcrrible-looking five
story words with bay windows and
mansard roofs, and rushcs out and
scalps a pale face. This soothes his
angry feelings just as ctfectually us if
he had all tho profanity in the English
language at his command. ..
"TnE world rcvolves OH It's own axis,
does 1T not, pa9"
"Certatnly, my son."
swell, does it turn round or roll
overp'
"Ahem-it tulns round, Of course. -
"rhon I should think we would all
grow dizzy going so swift"
ooh, we'll; don't bother me. 1t rolls
over" ,0'~'.''
"rhen why don't 1t tip us off?''
"Shut up, viii you; 1t just revolves.
that's all there is to it,"
"Then it must be revolver. told
the fellows so, but they wouldn't take
any stock In lt.''
"WuAT news to-day2" said one of
our city merchants to his friend.
"What news2" responded the other {;
"nothlng, only things grow better.
Our people are getting on their legs
again" 'On their legs" said the
first; 81 don't see how you make that
out" "Why, yes" replied the other :;
folks that used to ride art obliged to
walk now. Is not that getting on their
legs again"
THERE'S a heap of philosophy in the
question which u Washington young
lady of the mature age of six propound-
ed to her aunt tie other day. 1t was
after the story of the Creation and the
Fail had been related. and the Young
lacy had been meditating for some
time on the moral Of it, when she sud-
denly broke out with: "Aunty, after
Adam and Eve disobeyed God, why
didn't he kill 'em and begin over
agaln2" 1t is not impossible that the
question has occurred to older people.
BOARD Sch oolboy (luoking at Lyceum
Bill In window: 'Ere's lark, Bill |
Blessed If you can't Ire 'am like q
pianner." Second Boy: "What d'yr
says Ham let Go in an ast 'em how
muck for the fust 'our."
MoURNER docking at gloves handed
him by tho unIdertaker(: "Look here,
shan't wear 'eIn at the ground.
Couldn't you stand a pair Of slate color,
instead?" Undertaken: every sorry :,
sir, but we never do any thing in 'miti-
gratcd!'"
A BRIDGEPORT cat was Ill the cellar
Que day, and, seeing crab, went up
to examine 1t, a moment later the cat
was helping the crap up tho stairs at
the rate Of mile minute. TO crab
such rate Of speed must nave appeared
something unusual.
When Longfellow was presented to
Mr.. Longworth, of Cincinnati, the
latter remarked: "rhere Is no great
difference in. our Names" eyes," re-
piled Mr.. Longfeliow, "but aoorth
makes the man, the want of it the .Jel.
l0lo."
JOHN Smiths name has not be mon
toned for the Presidency. And 1t is
not likely that it will be-. He is dead
He recently died in Chicago, two weeks
after he was lynched In Texas for
stealing horse.
Unless man is enticed by beautt-
full dream of greatness, which visits
him night after night he never arrives
at any grand achievement. The poet
hears his song In the air before he
dares to put pen to paper.
An old bachelor, seeing the words
Families supplied, in the window Of
an oyster saloon, went in and said he'G
take a wife and two children-a boy
and girl.
If You wantyour Badly to look brigh
do not put 1t to sleep with lardanum
when restless, but use DR.. Bulbs Baby
Syrup. 25 cents a bottle.
IT has been discovered that the young
men are more bashful In summer thar
In winter. You can't get some chaps
within fifty feet Of girl duriLg The
ice-cream season.
. IN-TpNro ffo 1T =, ~ a ~, ~ Ia ~ n,,f