The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-02-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

You may talk about the clean and
hungry Cassius," but did you ever take
side view of the man who has run store
ten years without advertising?
She saw a morning mosquito on the
| cream white paper of the bedroom, and
crushed him then and there. But she
didn't know he was d.-Stamford
Advocate.
A great writer says ''some people are
born Christians" but there's no occasion
for worrying over the matter They gen.
orally outgrow it.-Bridgeport Standard.
Men may come and men may 20, but
we want to see the man who will come
to town in two-horse wagon, and not go
to crossing to stop his team.-Brookoi2le
Democrat.
An old hat that once belonged to Ma.
poleon |. was recently sold for thirty tive
dollars, which is good price, certainly,
when we consider that both the Nap. and
crown are gone.
A client remarked to his solicitor,
"You are writing my bill on very rough
paper, SIR "Never mind" was the re-
ply Of the latter, lit has tc be fled before
it comes into court"
Editors like brevity, but a man who
was recently hung in Indiana suited them
too WE'LL He made no remarks about
heaven, but nodded at the preach er and
said, 'I'll see you later, land thedrop fell
1t is left for futurity to produce two
men who have sufficient Christian grace
to occupy different offices on the second
floor of building, and then not wait for
each other to sweep the stairs.-Fu!ton
Times.
No man can know all things, but there
are lots of men who think they do. They
are the fellows who give an editor so
much valuable information as to how to
run a newspaper-into the ground
Kenmebunk Star.
A Chicago publisher has issued book
entitled "How to Become Plump" The
old way, you remember, was to fall out
of third-story window and cone down
plump. The new method is less danger
GUS, but not so certain.
The forest leaves are turning, and the
chestnut worms are squirming, as the
peanut man stands churning them upon
fiery bed; and books will soon be laden
by every city maiden, with leaves which
nature made on purpose to be red.
He was something Of cynic, and when
he visited the grave of his rich, but hen
pecked friend, few weeks after the
burial, and found there a heroic sized
female figure in marble as monument,
he cried out: "Poor, poor fellow!-as
though it was not enough in life, here
he is held down by woman in death!'
You need not be afraid of giving too
much. An old darkey said: "If any Oh
you know OBJ any church wat died of
liberality, jes tell whar it is, an I will
take pilgrimage to it, an by de light
OBJ de pale moon will crawl upon IT'S
moss covered roof an write upon de top
most single, BLESSED am de dead who
die in de Lord"
A clever Tnscarorap was tried at Elko
Nevada, for cattle stealing. Tie jury
acquitted him without leaving the box
and upon his return home friend in
quired as to the result of the trial: mo
cause of action" said the party, Il mere
ly killed the OK in self-defense, and ate
him fer spite, and, of course, I was &C.
quilted by the intelligent jury.
It not unfrequently happens, in this
world of mistakes and thoughtlessness,
that man, even the best of men,. may
once or twice during a long and other
wise faultless life, kiss his hired girl by
mistake for his wife. But No man, of ages
past or of to-day, was ever known to kiss
his wife up der the erroneous impression
that she was the hired girl.--Bur1ingto
Haokeye.
;. s'Ink can be preserved from mold by
putting Glove in the bottle" When
Mrs. Spriggins, wife Of Spriggins, of the
Mornsng Avakener, read the above, she
cried excitedly: "Therc now I know
what Mr.. s. always carries cloves in hi:
vest pocket for!" And the good old un
suspecting soul looked as pleased as i
she had just heard of a new way of put
ting up blackberries.
A prayer-meeting was in progress ii
the church in Mount Vernon, Ind, and :
political procession, mistalking the Lighted
editic for the hail in which mass-meet
ing was to be held, marched in with ban
ners flying, to the music of q full band
and gave three cheers for it's candidate
| liz udu lut1lCu luC pO11tlCiouS ~
remain "tor their souls sake" but the!
declined. "
Edison says it is periodical rather than
continuous noise that wears upon the
brain. Correct!rVe can stand the splast
of waves, the jingle of cars, the hum o
voices. and the sounds of rural life, but
oh deliver us from the young man VIII
plays the flute and the woll-meaning bul
unhappy female across the way who want
to be ga merry, merry zingra. "-Nea
York Commercial Adpertiser.
AS for the ministry, after an extended
reading of its biographical ANIMAL
through the whole period of our Ameri
, can history, we hesitate not to express
, the belief that there has never been 1
time from the first, when our pastors q
body, have been more able, energetl
, and Jealous in all good works than the.
9 are to.day.-Interior.