Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-03-14
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Flu N!
JOSH BILLINGS ON MARRIAGE. Sum
marry pekase they think wimmin will be
scarce next year, and live to wonder how
the crop holds out.
Sum marry to get rid Of themselves and
discover that the game was one that TWO
could play at, and neither win.
Sum marry for love without cent IN
their rocket. nor friend In the world.
nor drop Of pedigree, This looks desper-
ate. but is the strength Of the game.
Sum marry in haste, and then set down
and think it carefully over.
Sum thinks it over carefully fust and
then set down and marry.
No man kan tell jist exactly whar he
will fetch us when he touches calico.
No man kan tell Jist exactly what cali
co has made up her mind tew do. Calico
don't know herself. Dry goods of all
kinds liz tho child Of circumstances.
Marriage is safe way tew gamble-if
YOU win, you win pile, and if you lose
you QOQ = lUSo AuytAAA&s
A darkey was once attempting to steal
a goose. but q dog raised an objection, and
Sambo retired. The next night during a
thunder shower he attempted it again, and
lust AZ he was on tho point OF getting
away. with his fowl, the lightning struck
close by and the noise nearly frightened
the poor follow to death. Dropping the
goose, he started away mutterlng, ''Peers
to me dar's heap Of fuss 'bouta common
goose.''
House cleaning Is like man going
through a tunnel on dark night. He
never knows when he's through. The
part OF it most like going through tun-
mel Is, when the husband tries to kiss the
pretty hired girl, which tho wife finding
cut brings on collision.
An old picture represents king sitting
in state, with liable. Il govern all;' .
bishop, with legend, II pray for all"
and farmer, drawing forth reluctantly
= purse, with the inscription, II pay for
ALL"
ST should Just like to SEQ somebody abb
duct me,n said Mrs. Smith at the break
fast table the other morning. "H'm! so
should +, my dear-so should /, said Mr..
Smith with exceeding earnestness.
An exchange thinks the time will GER
tainly come when men will 60 flying
through the air. Well, that's matter O.
pinlon. It is moro a matter of an old boil
or, or can Of nitro glycerine.
There are very few sermons preached
which better sum up the whole matter
than the speech of tho little boy who SAID:
81 want to grow good and gooder every
day Of my life. AmeH::'
Things which every man can do better
than any one else: Poke fire, put on his
own hat, edit newspaper, tell story af-s
ter another man has begun it, and examine
a railway time table.
s'Isn't my photograph excellent, - said
Young wife to her husband. "Wen, my
dear,'' replied he, .there's little too
mnch repose about the mouth for it to bt
natural"
There are two reasons why q joke may
fail. One is that the man who hears it
may be too dull to see the point. Tht
other it that the joke may have NO point
A clergyman was telling story Of rath-
or incredible dimensions, while his little
girl made the inquiry: Father, is thai
really true. or is it only preaching?"
A bankrupt was condoned, with the
other day for his embarrassmsnt.--"Oh
Pm not embarrassed at ALL" said be; tits
nv creditors that are embarrassed"
SAYS the Washington ''Pcst:" ''This is
. great country. When ship is launched
congress adjourns, and when man takes
a little drink in Virginia they ring bell"
Guessing and Icing are fust cuzzins; the
man who gifts into the habit ov guessing
at ali things, will soon GIT into the habit
oy Icing about nenny things.
An Indiana girl says she finds nothing
so good for the complexion as rubbing her
face on I young mans vest. Tho young
man must be inside of it, though.
Nothing thrills the female clerk IN q
country post Office with greater sstisfac-
ton than to get hold of postal card con-
tanning 1900 words.
If tsare ever IL perfektly happy person
found In this world, it will be the one
who haz got but little, and don't want en-
ny thing more.
The parisians have introduced square
umbrellas. They'll be just as bad as the
other kind, never round when it rains.
what similarity is theze between dist
mated Young man and brilliant chAnde-
a,arp-They both sin-till-late.
What do they weigh down upon the
,vanee River?-The chances OF being
swallowed by "a alligator.
Pride IL eheeraeess pashun, the peakok
~ the nroudest ov all the birds. and the
most lonesum enc too.
what is sweeter than . susar1house?
wig, ayoung ladies' aenainarp 1hen it is
4.F