Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-05-02
f U N !!

A TOBACCO STORY.-A cOmlcal story
is told of two well-known southern clergy
men, one of whom undertook to rebuke
the other for using the weed:
ssBrother Co. he exclaimed, without
stopping to ask any other questions, sis it
possible chat you chew tobacco?"
81 must confess I do,'' the other quietly
replied.
s'Then would quit it, SIR" the old gen
tleman continued. 'It is very uncleric-
al practice, and a very uncleanly one. 10
bacco! Why, sir, even hog won't chew
itp'
"Father c., do you chew tobacco!' re-
sponded his amused listener.
81! No, sri" he answered gruff1y.
with much indignation.
ssThen pray, which is most like the hog
you or I ?''
The old doctors fat sides shook with
laughter, as he said: ''Well, I have been
fairly caught this time.
A LOVING HUsBAND-Ridirg IN rail-
road car;
Husband-Are you quite comfortable,
dear?
Wife-Yes. love.
Husband-The cushions are easy and
soft, ducky?
Wife-Yes, darling.
Rusband-You don't feel any jolts,
pet2
Wife-No, sweetest.
nd
my lamb, Is there angel?
Wife-No, my ownest own.
Husband-Then change seats with me
Parts Figaro.
The Rev. Mr.. A-was more prom
inent in his day for the brilliancy of his
imagination than the force of his logic.
At one time he was preaching on 1.-The
Ministry Of Angels and in theperoration
he suddenly observed: II hear Whisper"
The change of tone startled the deacon
who sat below from drowsy mood, and,
springing to his feet, he spoke" l guessiti is
the boys in the gallery
Drilling her class in poetry, the teacher
quoted from the familiar lines of Tenny-
son: ''You must wake and call me early,
call me early, mother, DEAR Now" she
asked, ''why did the girl want to be called
earlyp'' s'Don't know" replied Tommy
sunless it was because that was her
name.''
Sticking to It.-s'My DEAR" said vain
old man to his wife, s'these friends here
won't believe that I'm only forty-fve years
old. You know l speak the truth, DOM
you?" "Well,n answered the simple wife,
81 suppose I must believe it, John, as
you've stuck to it for fifteen years"
Extract from young lady's Letter.
ssAnd do you know, Maud and [ are quite
sure that Capt. Popple had taken far too
much champagne at the ball for he took
out his watch and looked hard at the back
Of it and then muttered: ''Blesh my shout!
I hadn't any idea it was that time O.
night.
'sWhat want to get at is the animus Of
the transaction said the Judge. 'But
your honor,' said the complainant. s'there
wasn't any muss at all. He came up quiet
like and grabbed the coat. and was off with
it before I saw what he was at. No. sir,
there wasn't any muss.''
A very old lady on her death bed in a
penitential mood said 81 have been a
great sinner more than eighty years, and
didn't know ito An old darkeY woman
who had lived with her long time ex-
claimed: 'Lors! kneWed it all the time. :"
A gentleman travelling Oh Hudson
River steamer one day at dinner was max
ing away with a large pudding close by,
when he was told by servant that it was
dessert. ut matters not to me- said he;
81 would eat it if it we're wilderness"
There is a bar-room in the Blue Ridge,
North Carolina, that has pastel up no
tees, that children under ten yer OF age
will not be allowed to get drunk on the
premises, unless accompanied by their
parents.
Nothing tries the patience of truly
good man more than to step on a banana
peeling and go down With crash on
wicker flask with pewter end-that no
body would have believed it OF him.
One grocer asked another: sis Colonel
man to be trusted?'' 81 think
you'd find him so,'' was the reply. ''If
you trust him once you'll trust him for
ever. He never PAYS
50 r;x
toms body servant was last heard from.
If this should meet his eye will he CON-
municate with an anxious public without
delay?
Very kind gent: do you know, my
dear, that we have to-day the shortest day
in the year 20 Lady: 'Very true! But
your presence makes me forget itF'
Boarding-schooI miss-"Oh, Charlie l
expect to graduate at next commence
ment" Graduate! what will you gradu-
ate in?'' ssWhy, in white tuile.''
A Kentucky orator and Office seeker ex-
claimed wish to be a friend to the
friendIess. father to the fatherless, and
aoidoao to the wjdowless.
stake back the heart thatthou gavest, q
as the gambler said to his pal, who had
nassed him under the table the wrong
card to GIL the flush.
Old Deacon Dobson always boosted that
he was prepared for the worst, and his
neighbors thought be got it when he
.oorriod his second wife
A despatch from Europe announces the
s,,icide of an Italian nobleman. Great