The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-07-17
BRIC-.1-BRdC.

san said when be bought tho poroenii Jail
"A California man tunnelcd unde,
neighbor's we'll and stole the bottom
and all the water.
1t is remarked in Mississippi tha,
roscoe Conkling must be reduced to
10000 men, tBN6alo Espress. /, =,
king Cetywayo's name is pro.
nounced Atcho.-.Iaanscript. Now
now ls Atcho pronounced?
Statues usually look better than
the menthey represent. Yes, and thcy
behave better, too.
Does "cast your bread upon the
waters and it will return after MANY
days." refer to the rolls of the surf?
81 press my suit the young man cried,
IN IN Ton tones too soft TO tell;
AS she laid It on his coat it arei nr curry he@d'
Can it be said that tax sbould
not be levied on dogs, when it is well
known that dogs levy attacks on
sheep2 "
opponent exclaimed: "Why. '' his H,,
sword was never drawn but once, and
that was in a ra1lie."
The teacher who makes tho most
slaps to the smile is not always the one
VINO wins in the long run.-Hacke,,-
s"c' Republican.
'fhe New York police are trying to
no;o out that the four convicts Who
bi Ike out Of Queens county iail the
other day, were DR.. Hull.
SO long as the lamp holds out TO
burn, fly for your life. The blamed
thing might explode.-Phtladelphio
Chronicle Herald.
George w. Childs gave dinner TO
seven hundred Philadelphia newsboys
on the fourth; and charity covereth
multitude Of obituary poems.
No matter how bad and destruc-
tive a boy may be, he never becomes
SO degraded or loses his self.respect
sufficiently as to throw mud on circus
poster. .|,0
MOT single United States marshal
resigns. This is touching devotion to
ones country under the most discour-
aging circumstances.
"A tombstone with simple cucum-
Der carved upon it is oftentimes moro
expressive than one covered with ten
thousand lines of obituary poetry.
When a woman challenges another
Woman's vote in Wyoming there is 8
scream, arush and Sl8 worth Of milli-
merry is ral1cd up and carted away.
AS the desire Of seekers after per-
petual motion is merely to obtain
something that will have never-ceas-
ing revolution, why don't they take
Mexico and be satisfied?
"A fair looking but dcmented
young woman called at the White
House the other day and wanted the
President to marry her. 1t was Mrs.
Hayes who sent in a veto this time.
-"Howis it, miss, you gave your age
to the census-taker as only twenty-five,
when you were born the same year 1
was, was, and and | am tthirty-nincp "Ah, you
have lived much faster than I, sir"
-"He seems to have been shot in the
diaphragm,"' said the doctor. ooh,
mop exclaimed his weeping listener,
che was shot in the right lower end Of
the saloon!" =.
Tho Elmira Gazette .philosopher
says he never yet saw communist
who hated kings and queens bad
enough not to take a couple from the
bottom Of the pack if all opportunity is
afforded.
Tho man who goes fishing and sits
In cramp-inviting posture on a mar
row thwart from early morn till de,yy
eve, and calls it fun, is the same chap
that never goes to church because the
pews aren't comfortable.
"A certain young lady who was
q little behind-hand in her summer
outfit surprised her parents the other
day by asking why she was unlike
George Washington. When they gave
1t up, she told them because she had no
little hat-yet.
When you see the woman who is
looking III at the milliner's throw up
both hands and eXclaim, ooh, what a
horrid looking thing!" you may set it
down rs a certain sign that that style
of bonnet will be her head-covering at
meeting next Sunday.
This is an age Of progression, but
II seems man never will learn--after
finding himself slrawling in an awk-
ward position upon apnblic thorough
fare-to pick himself up without first
gazing with an idiotic smile upon his
un&ympathetic beholdcrs.
--Sunday Capital; eyes, SIR"
cried Zach Chandler in his 4th Juiy
oration; "Putnam went right into the
VOLTS den, yankcd her out by the tail
and Americas independence was Sc
cured. Damn jeff Davis and them
other fellows"
old Salt: "Too old to manage a.
boat, am 7? I can still row and steer
and set sails and scull-" Doctor:
ooh, an automaton could do all that.
l belive man is but an automaton after
ALL" Old Salt: "Could tommy-tom
take the roomeytiz2"-Fum.
-"Oh, yes, Pm mad-just as mad as
I can be-" exclaimed n fashionable
lady, tossing her head to give empha-
sis to her words, "to think that those
horrid reporters should have had the
impudence to lug mo into their de-
scription Of the Fitzgerald wedding.
ughl tho horrid things--and they
didn't even mention the lace on my
Dress,
Down in Georgia, not long ago, a
negro received the outpourings Of the
Nrn.Il