The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1879-12-26

ton of time. That continent b very
rich In al sorts of vegetable and mineral
resources; II has o large population, and
all the civilized world IL interested not
only In finding new markets for their
goods and new fields 10 which emigrants
may 90 In search of hying.-Baissnsoys
Sun.
COMICALITIRs.
"MARK Twain on Babies" said the
happy father when his wife presented
him with twins.
PROFESSOR In English Litersture-"I
will now show you someexcepti)nal feet.
MIR. s., will You please come forwardT'
MOST any grocer's clerk can sell at
least tour brands of chewing tobacco out
Of pail hidden under the counter.
LUCY, aged eight, once remarked:
Papa often finds fault with mamma,
but be never ends fault with hisself.n
IT il announced that evening dresses
are to be worn short this winter. Really,
this looks like Lydia Thompson boom.
A KISS upon the lips IL Q mortgage
upon Q girls affections, which may Be
toreclosed at any time.-KeOkak Coasttta-
tim.
A COUNTRY editor, In his terms, says
that he charges "one dollar for every
sixteen liesl" Lines We presume be
meant.
If the young man who insists on steal
ing kisses don't abandon the practice, he
will soon find himself behind the bars of
wedlock.
"ToMMY, my son, what IL loDgitudei"
"a clothes line, daddy" How do you
make that out7'' "Because It stretches
from pole to POLE"
"NoTHIsG 30 quickly dries Q woman's
tears as q kiss"-Pyogress. But how Ia
q fellow to guard against giving an over
dose?-BOstOn TTanscyipt.
A FREEcH author says: "When
lost my wife every family in town offer
ed me another, but when lost my horse
no one offered 10 make him good"
"JoHE, ] fear you are forgetting me-"
said brighteyed coquette TO her sweet
heart the other day. Yes, Sue, have
been for getting you these two years"
A LADY in horse-c car was asked why
she rang the bell at both ends. "Be-
cause ! wan. both ends to stop, sir" she
quickly responded.-Nev York Express.
FoUR per cent. of the men In the
United States are color-blind, and women
seem to have only these four per cents.
in mind when they danb their faces with
paint and powder.
THE Waterloo Observer notices q great
difference between men and women.
Most likely the reader does also. When
two women meet they kiss; when two
men meet they drink.
TEE fellow who drops q counterfeit
coin on the church plate, IL the one who
occupies the last pew in order to saye
the interest on his cent while the collee-
lion is being taken up.
Why did you get three
pair of shoes, wife? Pm afraid you win
not live to wear them out" Wife
Well, your second wife can wear them
put If / don't" Husband" Oil she
mas very delicate foot"
A LITTLE boy of four was sleepiDg
with his brother, when his mother said.
Why, Tommy, you are lying right In
the middle of the bed; what will poor
Harry dot" Well, ma" he replied,
Hsrry's got both sides"
A YANKEE woman recently married
Chinese lsundryman, and In three days
hereafter the unhappy Celestial ap-
oeared at BARRIERS shop and ordered his
'igtail to be cut of, saying, in explans-
ion: "Too muchee yank."
A.MAN in st. John, N. B., bought two
barrels of potatoes, which were al rotten
before he had them q week. They were
:alled Early Rose and Bluenose, but he
changed the names to Goldsmith Maid
Ind Dexter, because they were such fast
,otters.
JANE (under nine) 10 her governess-
Miss Blunt, when ma asks You to have
more wine to day at dinner, do, please,
'ay yes" Governess-" Why, what do
Vou wish me to take more wine forr
Jane Oh, / only want to see mas
iace."-Fun.
ONE of the most pleasing illustrations
IF cheek is when man writes letter to
. newspaper of no earthly interest to
anybody but himself, and not only de-
nands its publication but that five or
ZEN copies be sent to him. They are
always sent.-BOstOn Herald.
TIE story is told of Q clergyman, that,
after preaching an interesting sermon on
Recognition of Friends in Heaven"
ne was accosted by nearer, who said:
9 liked that sermon, and now wish
vou would preach another on the recog-
1izing of people in this world. ] have
been attending your church three years,
Ind not five persons in the congregation
have 90 much as bowed to me In all that
.ime."
IT swells the manly bosom to hear
Mrs. Lovewell say: "The men have
Iuch large, noble hearts! I cannot but
admire themw But when she turned
70 Mr.. Lovewell, q slab.sided, watery
,yed specimen of fourth-rate genus homo,
md adds: "And you, darling Alfred,
ire the noblest, the largest-hearted of
men," the manly bosom somehow shriyels
up like last years bean pod."-BostOn
ITGnscrpt.
THE inhabitants of the Bordelais
country are prone to exaggerate, but one
If them recently met his match. He was
lining with Q Japanese friend on the
and mushrooms came under |
discussion. "In my country" said the |
3ordelais, "the mushrooms under the |
rees are larger than these plates. "Whst !
# that" exclaimed the Jap, ain my
country it is the trees that grow under |
he mushrooms"
The new editor of the Vallejo, New,
Chronicle, who q few weeks ago an
louncd that he would never indulge in
with other editors, on Sat
lrday last published the intellectual
rant of the Solano RepHb ioaa as " the
literary spider-shanks" and "bucolie
and his paper as " q murky
Another first-class jour
lalist is described as /" q Fly blown wallu-
,us." The Vallejo Chronicle IL making
progress.
Sleepy Hollow.
Sleepy Hollow is soon to be filed with
he racket and cinders of passing railway
rains. The visitor, whose heart has
,een drawn toward the loveliest haunts