Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-07-17
Fun.

but unprincipled. Last Sunday it
ralned al day on camp meeting and
shone all day Monday on a circus
McGregor NeaOs.
Several boys wedding onions in South
port were Frustrated by a stroke of
lightning. Boys whose fathers own
onion beds should cut this out and
paste it in their fathers hats.-Ddnbury
News.
This Is the season of the year when
the good little boy refuses to go In bath
ing with his com panions, because his
mother forbid him, stays on the bank
to mind their clothes, and scoots for
home after tying knots in the sleeves of
their trousers.-Puck.
After an enthusiastic lover spends
two hours hard labor over a letter to
his girl, and then mars its beauty by
spilllng drop of ink on it, he first
swears in a very scientific manner
for few moments, and then draws a
circle around the blot and tells her it is
kiss.
Some wicked man asserts that it was
Il great mistake that potato bugs
weren't introduced into the Garden of
Eden, since their presence there would
have kept Adam and Eve So busy that
they wouldn't have had time to go
round foraging for pippins. Yoak7s
Gazette
After the service. Deacon-"Good
afternoon, Brother Smith. You neg
lected to pray for rain; and our crops
are all drying up" Minister |
did, am sorry. But you know the
First Church have a picnic tomorrow,
and that will, doubtless, do quite as
we'll. '-4naerican Punch
By gracious, it makes US blush for
our lack of that delicate perception Of
the fitness Of things when we read this
note which is now before US. 1t is from
a young lady from Boston, visitin here,
and she writes for some information re-
garding Cleopatricka's needle. John,
hand us the Richardtionary,-
MCiaes' Register,
There is no circus tent, howe er much watched
and tended,
But needs some greater care;
There is 10 hole. however well defended,
But has small boy there.
Salem Sunbeam.
-Whene'er you hit at the mosquito
In the twilight lovely aud gray
1t fordS up It's little augur,
And generally gets away
In spite of you.
Canada announces an electrical gil
who, by mere contact, can impart
powerful shock. We do not desire
to discourage Canada, but her new
production is nothing wond there
are plenty of girls in the United States
who can shock anybody at sight.
York Herald.
The play was at its height in the
card-room of well-known club, and
from distant corner was heard:
eve are two to two" "By Jove! we are
two to two, too" responded q player at
% adjoining table, No wonder that
GERMAN present likened our language
to a French horn.-Judy.
A little girl who had been on rail
road train when an accident occurred,
was told by her mother that she ought
to thank God for her escape from injury
when she made her evening prayer.
She did 1t In this way: THANK YOU, God,
for not letting me be hurt to-day, but the
next time go to the city J'!l 60 in a
wagon" -Neuspaper lVuif.
How true Is the saying that great
minds run in the same channels, though
centuries of time may divide them.
Thousands Of years ago Confucius said,
The full moon does not always last"
and the other night South-end man,
who was sitting by the window, softly
remarked: The moon is gettin' small
er, an bout next Friday it'll be dark
enough to gather in the balance of old
Crosby's wood-pile. . Rockh3,d Courier,
,,OH, yes. I'm mad-iust as mad as 1
can be-" exclaimed fashionable lady,
tossing her head to give emphasis to
her words, q" to think that those horrid
reporters should have had the impu-
dence to lug me into their description of
the Fitzgerald wedding. Ugh the hor-
rid things-and they didn't even men,
ton the lace On my dress.-Andreus
Buadr.
PROFESS DR. HOLDEN says that great
many writers use a vocabulary Of 81, 600
words, and the average among good wri-
tiers, will fall very little below that. That
may be true, but when man tries to
raise window in hurry and catches
his thumb between the sash and the fly
screen, he dosen't use more than bali
dozen words, but they are worth 10000
on ordinary occasions. Burlington
HaaUkeye.
IT is by far the most painful episode
in the history of the church at Maltese
Cross Roads. The talented minister of
that church was awarded the degree OF
Doctor of Divinity by one Of our col
leges q few days since, and as soon as
the commencement exercises were over
he telegraphed the news to one of his
deacons. The telegram, as he sent it,
read: Give Just been d. DID by my
alma MATER" but as the deacon receiv-
ed it it read :" I've just been id by my
alma mater" The deacon had the
most exalted opinion Of his dominic,
not only of his intellectual abilities, but
of his moral worth, and at once called
an Indignation meeting of the church,
at which in the most scathing terms, he
denounced the college which had pre-
sumed to d-n a reverend gentleman
who was Of unimpeached sOundness in
doctrine, and whose practice was in
strict conformity with his preaching.
He carried all his hearers with him, and
his motion that the salary Of their dear
but shamefully-abused pastor be in
creased $500, and that committee be
appointed to purchase a silver service
to be presented to him on his return,
was carried unanimously, and there
wasn't dry eye il the house. The
newly degreed minister bearing his
blushing honors with graceful humility
arrived home in the morning.
In the afternoon the deacon, we roget
to say, dissolved his connection with the
church and bought a shotgun. About