The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1879-11-21
THE TRUE ELIXIR VIE.
Life to BE Prolonged BY the Progressive
Absorption OF Lemons.

Life to BE Prolonged BY the Progressive
Absorption Of Lemons.
From the London Telegraph
According to DR.. Wilhelm Schmoele,
whose voluminous treaties, entitled
d" Makrobiotik and Eubanik, two scien-
tific methods for the prolOngation and
establishment of human life,'' has re-
Gently been subjected to somewhat Sc
we're criticism in the German press, one
of the four great natural secrets that
have baiiled investigation for ut least
score of centuries has ut last been dis
covered by a gentleman whose universi-
ty diplomas demonstrate him to be
equally at home in philosophy and med
icine, and whO,. moreover, is Il full-blown
professor of pathology. The transmu-
tation of metals, luadrature of the cir
Gle, and perpetual motion still remain
unsolved mysteries, probably because
DIR. Schmoele has not yet turned his at
tentiOn to them; but the elixir of life
stands revealed to us by his patient and
laboriOus researches into the arena of
nature. This precious liquor, gifted
with the incstimable faculty of protract-
ing existence for an indefinite term-the
panacea for the greatest of those ills that
flesh is heir to, DEATHS no cunning
distillatiOn of water and costly drugs, no
essence of the dreadful broth brewed
by witches from such grisly "stOck "
rs juice of toad and oil of adder. 1t
is a fluid with which all are familiar,
chiefly in convivial association with hot
water, sugar, and more or less copious
modicum of alcohol. Blended with
these materials, humanity has hitherto
gratefully acknowledged its genial and
exhilarating qualities, little dreaming
that inlinitcsimal doses of Immortality
were floating pertlus among the aromatic
contents of the puncll-bOwl. 1t was re-
served to DIR. SchmOele to gladden. the
world with the disclosure that lemon
juice is the clair Uitg. To rival the
patriarchs in number of years, to blunt
the edge of deaths sickle in such sort
that it shall not avail to sever the slen-
dcrcst of life-threads, all that the aspi-
rant to immOderate longevity has to do
is to absorb sufficient quantity of LEM
On-juice daily; or, better still, to eat 4
fixed number of lemons, having rela-
ton to his or her age or sex, every
morning and evening. DIR. Schmoele's
work contains the most elaborate and
exhaustive rules for the practice Of the
lemOn-treatment, which may be COM
menced with equal certainty of Interior
success ut any time of life. The Pro-
fessor also adduces several instances of
the efficacy with which the consumption
of lemons stimulates aged per-
sons to evade the assaults of the
phantom on the pale horse. He
is rs yet unable to mention any case
in which the inhibition of lemon-iuice
has enabled an authentic human being to
live for ever; but he confidently hopes,
in future ages far remote, TO supply pos
terity with an illustration, in his own
person, of his theory that "He who will
only eat lemons enough need never die"
Failing living example of indisputablc
such rs would carry con-
victiOn to the soul of the most hardened
skeptic, DR.. Schmoele directs our atten-
ton to the celebrated painter, Count
who died in Paris short time
ago ut the somewhat advanced age of
12O years. The Professor seems to fancy
that this tough artist proves the correct
ness of the abOvc-Iuoted theory, because
Count Waldeck was in the habit, every
springtide, of devouring huge quantities
of hOrseradish soaked in lemOn-juicc.
Sc 1t was not the horseradish," says DIR.
"but the lemon-juicc that
prolonged his life for SO many years"
But we have only the Professors word
for the truth Of this postulate. 1t may
be that the vehement pungency of the
kept Count Waldcck's vital
spark aglOw for such an inordinate
length of time, and that the secret of
lies within that fiery root.
Besides, the Count died after all, so that |
or horseradish, or both |
only enabled him to stave off
he evil day for period of time which,
considered in relation to eternity, can
not be counted but brief and unimport-
INT.
Makrobiotik and Eubanik," which
work we should mention, has been pub
ished by the printing-oflice of Bonn
University, whereby it is invested with
/ somewhat authoritative character,
caches us what we are to do in the way
# swallowing lemOn-juice in order to
Ittain an age to which that of Methuse-
ali was, so to speak, mere immature
To ladies over 40 and I'M
Ter so, commencing the citronian sys-
EN-, he prcScribes two lemons per diem,
While gentlemen between those ages
must " assimilate'' at least three lemons
ally. Between SO and 60 the dose for
aides is set down at three, for gentle
nen at four lemons day. One lemon
nOre per diem is ordained to each sex
or every additional decade, so that GEN.
enarians must consume, if women,
heir eight lemons daily-if men, no
ever than nine. Upon attaining his
undred and twentieth year, therefore,
Ike Count Waldeck, the gentleman who
hould at that period experience the (
esire further to prolong his ex- ;
'tcnce would find himself face to !,
.ce with the terrible prospect of hav-
lg to swallow 4,0l5 lemons per annum
,r 10 successive years, if he wished to
We SO long. Perhaps a decade of life !
'ould be held dear by the majority of
if it had to be purchased {
y the deglutitiOn of AZ, 900 lemons. The +
lere notion of so sour diet is enough +
, suggest to those with a sweet tooth '
SllrceaSe Of SOYrOyy - nv the friendly 6