The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-26
ALL SORTS.

Whose peace she ranked sempef.
Poor mani no wonder that he thought
To break his bonds and leave ner'
Since he was dying of the plague
Ing ''''i = 'i'''- : Wade Whipple
The sun shines for all, the moon for the
favored few; but how like the mischief
the stars wink at what IS going on beneath |
them.-NeD Haven Register.
Speak of a mans marble brow. and he |
will glow with conscious pride; but allude |
to his marble head, and he's mad in min |
ute. Language is a slippery thing toI
fool with much Boston Post.
Father" said a wistful lass, about
sixteen years of age. Il know something
about grammar, but [ cannot decline mat
rimony, nor see the reason why myself and
Gilbert cannot be corrugated. Albany
Argus.
Johnny says his mother makes great
cry if his little sister goes out without her
shade hat. She don't want her to get
freckled, but she doesn't seem to care a
bit how much his father tans him.-Bos.
ton Transcript.
1t is when his wife hands him brand
new napkin, that has never had the starch
washed out of it, that the newly married
man thinks how much better he could
clean his face with yard or two of floor
oilcloth. - Waterloo Observer.
Our great objection to the electric light
will be that it will light up the affairs Of
the entire neighborhood and an editor
can't even visit delinquent subscribers
woodpile in friendly manner without ex-
posing the subscriber to the indignation of
| the Dublie Nc Gre0O7 Ne1CS.
| Where do all the flies come from?'
queriously demanded old Mr.. Gunnybags,
waving his hands frantically over his tor
replied his eqaaly tormented partner;
when are they going back again, that's
what | want to know. Burlington Hack
eye.
When a nan comes up to us and men
tons that little bill'' we reply: Oh, ye>
we should have fixed that some time ago
but had to go to Memphis to write up the
scourge. Just got back to-day. Come
down to the Office and we'll give you the
money; it's in our travelling bag" Ant
he says he's got to run to catch train
Boston Post.
Can you see the whole Of me?" asket
fellow who wanted an entire view, of tn
photographer. "Oh, yes, sir" was th
reply, Il can see scarcely anything els
except the hole. You had better close it.
! The fellow instantly shut his mouth, II
Oddone Sheet.
Think of the gorgeous beauty Of III
butterfly with his plumage decorated wit
the colors of the rainbow, and remembe
that he attained all his fnery. just as NOR
e tails have to tbeirs-by grubbing for it,
i, Neao HdUep Register.
There is scarcely any trouble without
; woman being at the bottom of it, so Iwhe
you pass house and hear a youugste
yelling like blue blazes, you can make u
Y your mind that the foregoing fact account
: for the noise Whitehall Times.
These good for nothing husbands an
;. fathers who shoot their wives and children
Il and then blow out their own braios alway
It commence at the wrong end oe the pre-
gramme, by doing last what they ought
g do frst.-MiddLetol0n transcript.
Some vile tormemtor persistently adVe
. tises baking powder" The man VII
/ would do this with the thermometer aboy
q ninety-6ve. deserves position on the to-
If ture force of futurity. St Louis ,Spiri
sl "What," inquiries writer on archite
ture, is wrong in the construction of OF
cellars?" We know. It's the many biz
=" den recesses which they contain, in whic
10 the women folks conceal the cake-iars c
10 hungry Sundays RocklGnd Courier.
lie An eccentric English gentleman, cal
q didate for Parliament, at recent meetir
of his constituents, was asked by a man
1s the crowd. What about the Liquor bill
10 well" said the candidate, mine was u
D. commonly high last year. How vi
yours? '-Es
10 We are told that Nebuchadnezzar a
! grass for seven years: that must have bee
l. in the hey day of bis youth. Did he seytl
is for mower2 or long for the milk of n
10 man kindness?" and did the garter-snak
n ever trouble his calves? are questions f
). the Sunday-school. Toronto Graphic.
g They are trying lot of Pinafore sin
u ers 10 there" said Smith to Jones as tn,
al passed building whence foated strait
rs of A maiden fair to see, etc. Glad
be it. returned the misanthropical Jone
- hope they'll give EN- sixty days al
IL costs. Boston Journal Of Commerce.
u Lady Ito servant who has given mott
k, three days after her ARRIVAL: But if "
or didn't mean to stay, why did you take Il
h. placer" Servant. well, m, when s
you at the registry Office you looked SO tt
ed and tagged | took your situation out
=, charity like"
nd A Western subscriber, who owes us
all the Times, writes: II know Iowa del
Dr.. Utah care and Nebraska second time t
it, for Kansas back aud make as IlIint
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