Connecticut western news., 1879-03-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

A mans character is like ferce- you cannot strengthen it by whitewash.
 No matter what rank vegetables may attain, the cabbage will always be head.-' ss r.r . -.yu
 Picture frames are not always hung on account of their gilt-any more than men.
 A modern essayist defines gossip to be the putting of two and two together and making five of them.
 Anybody can catch cold now. The trouble is to let it go again, like the man who caught the bear. .......
 -Didst ever see hoodwink? We didst; but there was lovely pair of coal-black eyes in tho hood. ...
 Lord Palmerston once said, speaking of the Turks, "What energy can be ex- pected of people with no heels to their shoes ?' ....". -"Can clergyman marry himself? asks an exchange We suppose he eau, but we are afraid he would not be happy couple. .
 It is great shock to Q mans nervous system to have suspender button fly of just when he is making profound bow to lady on the street.
 Very kind gent you know, my dear. that we have to-day the shortest day in the year?" Lady-Very true But your presence makes me forget 1t.
 A very rich man said, "I worked like @ slave till was forty to make my fortune, and I've been watching 1t like detective ever since for my lodging, food and clothes"
 The farmer should SOW his Ps, keep his Us warm, hive his Bs, kill off the Us, remember what he ca, take care of the Vs. pay all he Os, teach his boys not to Ts, and take his Es.
 How few realize that the stratas of love and hate lie so close together that it takes but little to bring the latter up- permost, when under the pressure of un- kindness and injustice.
 Child, pointing to bronze group representing terrific combat between a lion and @ crocodile-What are those things doing, pa? Father-Ialklng politics, my dear. -.... .
 The Magistrate-You were builder and contractor9 Prisoner-Yes, Your Honor. The Megistrate-Then what induced you to quit that honorable pro- fession and open savings bank
 -Magistrate-You seem to have been drinking and to have left your wits at the bottom of your tumbler. Prisoner, blandly-Tmpossible, Your Honor | never leave anything at the bottom or my tumbler. ......... -"Is this Wednesday or not?" said the young clerk. Wednesday, SIT, said his Ggurative companion, there's no such day as mot" Sensation. Young man wonderingly examining chronological bumps of fellow clerk.
 We smile at the ignorance of the savage who cuts down the tree in order to reach the fruits but the fact is that | n blunder of this description is made by every person who is over-eager and impatient in the pursuit of pleasure.
 They were discussing the venerable theme of money and happiness. |" Money does everything for man, said one old gentleman, pompously. "Yes," replied another one, "but money | won't do as much for man as some men will do for money" l At dinner the host introduces to the favorable notice of the company splsn- did trufied pheasant amid murmurs of admiration. "Isn'tita beauty ?" he says. cor. So-and-so, gave it to me-killed 1t himself" "Aw, what was he treating it for ?" says one of the guests. At dinner of provincial law soci- ety once, the president called upon the senior solicitor present to give as toast l the person whom he considered the 5est friend of the profession. "Then, re- sponded the sly old fox, "Ill give you the man who makes his own will.
 A beggar-woman applied at cer- tain house in Mount Pleasant, the other day, and asked for .harity. In reply to the sezyant-maid, who opened the door and stated that her mistress was not within, she said: "An' sure whenever I goes out I always lave something for the beggars P e...,
 Two gifts are offered to men iu this world they very seldom can have both. One is success, with weariness; the other failure, with hope. The last is much the best. The man who sucueeds, finds that his success does not amount to a great deal the man who fails, but keeps his hope, is the happy man.
 II You are more sure of success in tho end if you regard yourself as man of ordinary talent, with plenty of hard work before you, than if you think your , self 8 man of genius, and spend too much time in watching your hair grow long, that you may convince people that you are not like other folk. -.. He was city clerk, and he was try 7 ing to amuse himself by questioning a