The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-04-11
WIT AND HUMOR.
MISSING men-Bad marksmen.

Q jailed criminals.
A HORSE, unlike a man, is always pre-
pared to meet an oat.
A ST. Louis clerk is named Gasbill.
Unhappy man, everybody disputes him.
A SMALL boy and gun are harmless
when apart, but they make a terrible
combination.
Is 1T not strange that man can be
on fire, and yet at the same time be
very much put out?
, A HAPPY mother of male twins enthu-
siastically refers to her treasures as her
sweet boy and boy"
ALONE exhibition-A poor female of
30 years or thereabouts who has never
received an offer of marriage.
"THIs," said Augustus, as Angelina
sat in his lap, sweetly singing, @this is a
matin-knee performance, darling"
A WESTERN lawyer included in his
bill against his client: "To waking up
in the night and thinking about your
case, So"
A YOUNG man in Brooklyn boasts
that he has kissed his girl $50 times in
six hours and three laps, and thinks he
has won the match.
"WE old maids" remarked Miss
Stibbens, "love cats because we have
no husbands, and cats are almost as
treacherous as men,"
IT'S an easy thing TO sing Of spring
When the air is calm and breezy;
lis sneezy thing Of spring 10 sing
When your own head is wheeZy
-Hackensack Republican.
JOY is shy bird, but when a man
comes unexpected upon q 50 bill in the
pocket of an old vest laid aside last win
ter it flaps its wings and crows as loud
as anybody's chicken.
YOUNG men sending spring poetry to
this office will please inclose their names
and addresses, not for publication, but
as an evidence of their insanity in case
they are ever arrested for murder
Philadelphia Chronicle.
AMERICAN girls chewed up seventy
tons Of gum last year. One. half of it
can be found to-day sticking under
mantel-shelves. The other half was
carried away by the young men who go
counting, and lost Turner'S Falls Re
porter.
LA SURPRISE" is the name of a new
hat with three-quarters Of a yard of
feathers hanging from the right side. It
is so called from the surprised manner
In which the husband exelaims "LaY
when presented with the bill.-Norris-
tO,Cn Herald.
WHAT shall the Painting of the Fu-
ture" be? is the all engrossing question
nowadays. We are not at all particular,
as long as she doesn't rest her cheek on
our shoulder. We don't want our best
coat all busted with "ily-white. '-Nem
Hauen Register.
AN lrlshman accosted gentleman on
the street, late at night, with a request
Tor the time. The gentleman, suspect
ing that Pat wished to snatch his watch,
gave him singing rap on the nose,
with the remark: 1T has Just struck
one!" BE jabbers," retorted Pat, I'm
glad didn't ak yez an hour ago!"
ABOUT HAMMER.
There was young lady named Hammer:
bhe had q nose like bananner;
She teached in a school,
An she rid on mule,
But she could never play the pianner
She married q Teller named Tanner
That carried the ar-spangled banner:
But they fell out and 1T
She's q grass wilder yit
An he drives q dray in Savanner.
-Erchdnge
YOUNG Smythe-"What,n not skating.
Mrs. Marrable?" Mrs Marrable "a fas-
inating widow over nine-and-forty, but
Who doesn't look it) -"No; lam too old
or that sort of thing" Young Smythe
TOO old? What do you call too
Id Mrs Marrable?' Mrs. Marrable
Don't you call % too old,
1r. Smythe? 1 do"
A RECENT advertisement contains the
blowing III the gentleman who keeps
ne shoe store with a red head will re-
i'm the umbrella of young lady with
halebone ribs and an iron handle to
lie slate-roofed grocer's shop, he will
ear of something to his advantage. as
10 same Is the gift of q deceased mother
DIV no more with the name engraved
BON it."
SCIENCE says now that kissing on the
Is must be abolished in the interest of
'alth. Most potent, grave and rever-
ID selgniors, scholars and philosophers,
ere are moments you know nothing
when O man don't care two cents for
fence, and when he is going to plant
sses where they belong, if the laws of
alth are torn from Alpha to Beershe-
Latmbe7man.
THE GAY YOUNG PARAGRAPHER
Twas gay young paragrspher,
Who wrote ancient squib:
He was Of wine quarter,
This gay young par agrapher,
And didn't mean 10 fib.
When he said this ancient sqnib
Was his own. For when a glib
And gay young psrsgrspher
10 at others Jokes a laugher.
Like this gay Young paragrspher
There are times when ne will crib
very ancient squib,
And even tell Hb
viii gay young paragrapher
Who Is of wine gu sner.
And writes ancient squib
Like this gay young paragraphs.
eu fork MAJ.