davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
Hands or.

Some men are never happy unless
their hands are in motion. They are
eternally strengthening the ne. kite oi
the man with whom they are talking,
or fumbling al his watch chain, or
picking specks OF lint or dust from
his coat, or picking at button, az
how ths beard should
grow. With ladies these fellows are
insufierable. They tind q breastpin
out of plumb, or hsirpin sticking
sixteenth OF an inch further out tEan
1t should, or a lock of hair asiray, or
q watch slipping out of a belt, or a
gather OF a dress has started the
stitching, or the flower in the hat
droops little, or the shawl-pin don't
hang just go, and they insist upon
fixing these matters, and keep funb-
ling and paving and picking away at
a lady until attention is drawn to the
performance, and on annoyance ia the
result. One of these fellows win put
his hand under lady's elbow to lit
her over a straw OIL tho walk, or
across q six-inch gutter, and when
going up o rise Of Two or three steps
will insist upon putting his hand
upon her waist and partially lifting
her up. II he helps her into a car.
riage he wants to lift her IN, aud in
assisting her TO alight he makes her
jump into his arms, where he holds
her as long as he dares. While riding
with her he always has his band upon
the seat behind her, ready to seize her
waist every time there isa jolt big
enough to give him an excuse to do
so--in fact, he seems to be continually
aching to paw, in one way or another,
every lady into whose company he
10 thrown. II may not be improper
bet twecn people pretty well acquaint-
ed with each other, butit don't look
we'll. aud ladies, who don't like to mp.
pear annoyed, still feel 80, and wish
to be let alone. Gallaniry Ia one
thing, but namby -pamby, unnecessary
attentions are altogether different
vnd shonld be put down blythe ladicl
who suffer from them.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
Sticking to Newspapers.

The strong attachment Of subscribers
to well conducted newspapers is fully
confirmed by publishers. "Stop my
Of dread to beginners
in busincss--lose their terror after a
paper has been established for term
of years. SO long as paper pursues
q Just, honorable and judicious course,
meeting the wants of its customers
in all respects, the ties Of friendship
between the subscribers and the paper
are as hard to break by an outside
third party as the link which bands
old friends in business or social life
Occasional defects and errors in a
newspaper are overlooked by those
who have become attached to it,
through its perusal for years. They
sometimes become dissatisfied with il
on account of something which has
slipped into its columns, and may
stop taking it; but the absence Of the
familiar sheet at their homes and
Offices for a few weeks becomes an in-
supportable privation. and they hasten
to take it again, possibly apologize
for having it stopped. No friendship
on earth is more constant than that
contracted by the reader for journal
which makes an honest. an earnest
..fr.,. - ,.,or,, ,ts oont,n,nd cunport
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
-------
Dsviling the Dutch.

Last Saturday morning George
Ebert, at the Double Springs, con
cluded to have some sport out Of a
recent importation from the old
country, by giving him few lessons
in piscatorial sport. He procured for
his companion sapling, tbs little
end of which was about as largo as a
good size banana stalk, to it he at
tached a plough line. to that an ice
hook. on that he placed about five
pounds Of bacon. George had his
tackle also. though Of miniature
dimensions by the side Of his Tcutonic
friends. Thus equipped, they starred
out, George in the lead and his frisnd
following. In procession they
marched all around the landing, to
the amusement of the MANY who had
congregated on the levy that morning
After George had concluded his pro-
cession they went to work. The recent
Importation. by the direction OF George
slung his hook far out, aud whom it
struck tho water it made as much fuss
as bucket thrown from the hurricane
roof Of steamboat. Patiently the
fellow fished. now and then drawing
up his bait, by Georges orders, tt
spit on it. but he never got bite
not knowing that his implements and
actions were affording as much amuse
ment for the crowd as circus
Pdntaqrdph.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
Special 0far !!


We are happy to announce 10 the
people of Christian and adjoining
counties that we have arrangements
whereby we can offer several valua.
BILE premiums 10 our CASH subscrib-
ers. We are desirous of doubling
the number of our subscribers we
want three thousand and have them
we will, If inducements viii avail
anything.
|. We shnll distribute. on the last day
of our next county Fair, premiums to
the amount OF about FIVE HUNDRED
DOLLARS among those subscribers
who have paid ~ for a subscription
TO the Souri, KEsTucKIAN.
Each person holding our receipt for
that amount will have fair oppor-
tunitv TO get one Of the premiums
named below.
Those parties who have already
paid their subscriptions for year
will be entitled to like privilege
and should present their recnipls ut
our office to De numbered and regis
tered, otherwise they will be left out.
Those of our present subscribers
who have as yet failed TO pay their
subscriptions will be given until juno
lst to do so. After that time we will
consider them as not desiring a
chance for the premiums and their
receipts will not be recorded to con-
tend for any Of the premiums. This
rule in al cases will be firmly en-
forced.
The following is the list Of articles
to be given as premiums:
FIRsT-One stem winding. stem.
setting, solid, l8 Karat gold watch
with elegant IS karat, full length,
solid gold chain. Can be seen a
Brandon's Jewelry Store. OH Main
Street. This premium worth $I25.
| SEcoND-Latest style, open.top
homemade, seasoned hickory, best
made buggy. Can be seen at Blu
menstiel, McCamy & Bonte's Carriage
| Factory. This premium worth $l25
| THIRp.-One Wheat Drill, best
| made, worm MO.
FouRrH.- One extra finished, sea
son timbered, light running, durable
wagon. warranted frst-c;ass, and eve
ry part made by M. c. Forbes, and
to bc seen at HIS factory, worth $50;
FIFTH.-One triple silver set, latcs
style, elegantly engraved and per
feet model of convenience and beau
\ ty. To be seen at Howe's Jewelr,
fStore, corner Main and Spring streets
worth $50. 4als.
SIxTH-One celebrated Olive
Chilled Plow. used by nearly ever,
prominent farmer in Christian. II
be seen at G. &. Shanklin's Agricult
urai Implement House, worth $i3.
SEvENTM-One widely known an,
popular Elephant low. manufacture
by the Hopkinsvillc Plow Factor,
and to he seen there. This premium
worth $40. ro
EIeHrH-0ne Wrought Iron ia
bacco screw, made by M Hanna
Go. This premium worth $40.
NINTH--One Box Laurel Wreai
Cigars, sold by s. II. Turner. Thi
premium worth IS.
TENTH-One box fancy Frenc
Candies. sold by S. II. Turner. and I
be tasted. tried and tested there. Thl
premium worth IS. n-t int
EIEvESrH-One years subscription
: to the Invest county paper In South
ern Kentucky, to he selected by III
holder of tho ticket entitled to th'
premium. This premium worth
any household nj least Sl.a9
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
The Lawyers.

Here is the rule Of ethics adopted
by the Philadelphia bar for their
government for the year 1879.
/. All lawyers are members Of the
bar, but all members Of the bar are
not lawyers.
2. There are whisky bars and bars
of justice, and lawyers must select at
which bar they will practice.
NIB. Prison bars are reserved ex-
clusively for clients.
8, All clients arc guilty, but il
acquitted talent alone has saved them.
4. Young lawyers must remember
that they can only impress the courts
by resting their feet upon the tables.
s. Never take bigger fee than you
can get.
6. Judges must remember that they
are elected by the people, we are tho
people.
7. If, in behalf Of your client, you
have nothing to say do not say it, but
say something else.
8. A green bag is the lawyers en-
blem. The greener the bag, the
greener the lawyer, and the bigger the
bag-here the rulo fails.
9. When a lawyer brings a bundle
Of kindling wood in lis bag to light
his Office fire, he should be careful to
remove it before entering court. and
not to hand it up as an authority to
convince the judges. Such actions
bring the bar into disrepnte. u
Never give the page nor authority
OF a case in offering an authority.
Let the court hunt for it. What are
judges paid for.
IL When you have emptied your
clients pocket book, hand him enough
money to pay his car fare home.
This is an innovation on the estab-
lished practice, but it is more blessed
to give than to receive.
II Should your client be convicted,
be sure and demand the return Of the
car fare as tho county furnishes him
the conveyance.
Is Watch and pray for--paying
clients.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
verdine vanished, gradually disap-

verdine vanished, gradually disap-
pearing, as It wero.
"That voice that voice!' screamed
Henrietta, and in o trice we were
locked In each others arms. o. the
rapture of the moment. Empires
might decay, dynaslies might lapse,
saving banks might bust, but as for
Henrietta and me, we didn't care u
continental whether school kept or
not. No. wedidn'r II seems that
the Rev. Gideon Verdine was after
Henrietta himself, but he didn't get
her. No. be didr'l. saw him after
supper in the billiard room playing
pin-pool. He had los, aboGt thirty
pounds-ihrough fright. oh, M.
I'm no cannibal, If l am an editor. l
always bury my victims.
Il took about four hours Of con-
aensed talk 10 satisfy Mrs. Green
that Henrietta and / were really man
and wife, but when showed her the
documents. all signed and sealed, she
was compelled to knock under.
Tho next morning my excellent
mother-in-law, by way of n parting
shot. sskci me how expected to
support her daughter.
As tho hack moved or thrust my
head ont Of the window and shouted
back, "I'ye got thirty thousand dol
lars in bank, and a receipt for patent
anti.billious pills. worth thirty thou
sand more" shall never forget her
look Of bafflod rage. 1t haunts me
still.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
a Boy-Rooster..

The strangest freak Of nature on rec.
ord has just come 10 light in the shape
Of a "boy-rooster." ~ ~
The parents ofthe strange malfor-
nation. now about six years old, from
modification, kert its existence a pro
found secret except in a few instances
where near relatives were permitted to
see it, until recently, when it was
taken TO st. Louis to see if the learned
doctors could account for its strange
deformity. but they could not. This
strange creature was born or hatched
about ten miles from vicksburg, in
Mississippi.
The head and feet Of this strange
creature is as perfect chicken as was
ever Matched. while it's hands and
body are those Of perfect human. ex-
cept that its hands are aslargc s those
Of man. 1t has beak, comb and
gills like chicken. and its neck from
its head to its shoulders is covered
with beautiful red feathers tingled
with gold. and it crows and talks al.
tcrnately.
1t has the intellect Of the human
but when it comes to its food. it will
eat nothing except such food as fowls
feed upon, and is extremely fond o.
bugs and worms, which it catches ou,
in the yard, and says they are per
fsctly splendid. tis great cross t
lits mother to see it out in the yard
catching worms. The name Of th,
father Of this boy-rooster is Raihbone
This is certainly the most wSader-
ful child that the world has ever seen
Barnum would doubtless give half
million dollars for it, but its parent
say that they cannot afford to max
mcnsy sut Of the misiortunes Of thei
offspring. and will not even exhibit
for pay Watchmdn.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
Love Always Finds a Way"
lPhIladeIphIa Press. ]


Not long ago Michaeleso GENTLE
man saw at the theatre q young and
pretty donazetta with whose charms
he was at once suitten. Next night
he managed to obtain the box next
TO hers. and as there is no separation
between the tiers except thin railing
of sufficient height for man to rest
his arm upon when sitting, the prox-
unity to his inamorata was anything
but distant. II was the only chance
that he possibly might ever have, and
there was no way to arrange for a
better'meeting nothing was left but
TO take the present opportunity and
make the most of it. So pulling off
his cuff he wrote his proposal upon il,
detailing his prospects, position, love
and other such things as might prove
interesting. When written to suit he
quietly placed II as nearly before her
ns he could and waited until his eyes
could direct hers 10 this tail Of q shirt.
She read. she smiled, she nodded,
and tho delighted swain knew that
tho bow drawn at q venture had told
the mark. iS ~
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
CHAPTER III.

Five years have winged their cir
cling flights since the stirring events
related IN The last chapter. | fancy
Mrs. Green Is gradually becoming
reconciled, inaslnuch as she seut
Henrietta a pot Of beans in COM
memeration OF her last birth day, and
myself, shortly after, by express, q.
o. d. dozen bottles Of what | al
first took to be Pieper Heidsick, but
which on closer inspection proved to
be a villauious oleagenous compound
ofa most ancient and flsh-like smell.
! l haven't the slightest idea what II
could have been, 1t certainly gave my
nose great indignation and lrigl,ten-
ed Christopher Columbus ont OF q
years growth.
Little moro remains to be told. By
reason of the powerful political influ-
ence l WELD In connection with the
Times. 1 obtained / charter from the
Legislature and organized joint
stock company. 1t Is known as the
Great Western Peristallic Persuading
Anti-billious Pill Company. Uul
annual sales are enormous, aud as the
cost of compounding the pills II
'trifing, the profits are simply i'm
inense. Brown, the senior editor, IL
growing aniiquated, ! have bought
up all the stock | could hear of in tht
Hardscrabble Times, paving therefor
a handsome premium. propose to
make II a first class journal and adj
vcrtislng medium. In short am on
the high road to prosperity.
When | survey my snug establish
ment. with that peculiar sense Of sat
isfaciion associated with proprietor
ship; when. I regard Hcnrietlas pla
cid looks and matronly WAYS; and
above all, when I listen TO the arlles
prsttlc OF Christopher Columbus. anl
mark the life. giving current crimson
ing his dimpled cheeks, and brighten
Ing his roguish eyes, feel for all th'
world as happy rs clam with thu
tide coming in.
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
--------------- -----------------------
LIAR VS.. LIAR,
A bloodless war Of cruel words.
Nulhattan Matched.
eclinridse News,

tBreckinriuke news.
Rev. Chas. II. Fowler, d, D., l.. l..
D.. editor Of the New York Christian
Advocate. has challenged Joe Null
haitian to bout of lying for the cham
pionship belt Of Am RIGA, and gives
US the following as specimen oi his
capability in that line:
Rev. w. NJ. Todd. recently ap-
pointed to the charge Of our work in
Briukley, Ark was waylaid and shot
in cold-blood. while returning from
church on the evening OF March 27.
His only otfense was preaching the
Gospel Of Christ. Rev. l.. q. Poll.
ard, p. L. Of the White River district
of the Little Rock Conference, has
also been cast into prison Tor the same
offense. Brother Pollard was also
guilty of rising out ofthe Ignorance
Of Arkansas some years ago and press
ing his way to Evanston, where he
secured fair preparation for its work.
He is an energetic, heroic, devoted
man. Comment on these crimes is
unnecessary. With the return OF
power to the old rebels we must ex-
pect the old crimes and murders and
assassinations.s Buell. is likely tn have
his crown shared by other heroes.
If the government Of the United
States is not able to protect its citi-
zens in the work Of instructing and
saving the ignorant and sinful then it
demonstrates that it has lost its right
TO exist. The work Of assassination
must be stopped. lfHayes can not
protect citizens with the army that
was at first decimated by rebelbullets,
and is now starved by rebel ballots in
Congress, he will not find it difficult
to find other armies where Mr.. Lincoln
found his help. Ask, and ye shall
receive. w 81
Fortunately for the cause Of truth
and religion, tbs denomination cursed
by tho presence, Of this reverend but
brazen- faced liar, HAS another inAusn,
| tial organ called the Central Christ,
ian Advocate, which is published al
st.. Louis, and edited by Rev. DR.. B
y. Fry. a christian. a scholar. anl
gentleman. In the issue of hi
paper Of the l7th instant, DR.. Fr,
publishes letters from Rev L. G
Pollard, p, e. and Rev w. NJ. Todt
tho indentical gentlemen so barbar
ously murdered and imprisoned b,
the fertile imagination of Rev. Fowle
on March 27--bealing date respect
lively April 3 and s, ordering books
land speaking in the most hopefu
terms Of their prospects and work
| TFowler's comments on his atrociou
| falsehood disclose the purpose 70
which il was concocted. We don
know Of any speech more fitting I
express our opinion Of such preacher
as this fellow Fowler, than an express
Eion--lcyeled at Campbeloites 1--WE ono
Ehcard fall from the lips Of an eminer
Baptist divine, now deceased. HE
is 80 full OF them that their feet al
sticking out Of the dormer windows.
' g I
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
Well Known!

As II is known that DR.. Prices
Special Flavoriug Extracts are not
made up from chemical poisons. but
natural havors. delicate and grateful
to the most cultivated palate, they
are growing rapidly in popular favor.
" is only necessary TO try these fla
vors to be convinced that they are fine
and pure
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
II KISSED HEB"
JACK FROST.

Having read Mrs. Browning's
"Kisses and kissing" In which she
reiates her experience "when first he
kissed her." the author attempted to
apply the lines to his Bette, q new
acquaintance The disastrous result
is appended below:l
TiMipITy.
When fret kissed her
! leaned =, Z, me ne g and snapped as eager and A'
AZ q gosiing would . ny--
sf Kccnrsed luck.
Ny maiden effort eonfnsediy half fell upon her
The other half missed fire entirely;
Aud In anguish drew away,
Part ffixhtsned al her. more st myself,
And trenbling like hiaek'and-tsn in June
AvIDIrY.
when next kissed her--
iciasped her gentiy yielding form to mine.
And pressed my blonde mouStaehe unto her
peachy eheek-S
y, rsptnoas spplausei
closed mine eyes and drank the sweetness
Az from an orange ripe an urchin would
The nectar take. Twas swseisr than the
OF sosessd aowsrs-.hsn anything, indeed, 1
The crystal river of Chicago only barred.
RAPIpirr.
when last kissed her
We stood upon the portico, one ieafy night In
Unseen We were, thought I, save By the stars
A.. ..a -. ...x.s,a
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06
ROMANCE OF THE WAR.
A Reminisoenoe Of the Attempt to
Storm Fort Sumptsr-

In the spring Of 1854, while the
Union heei, doug blockade duty of
Charleston, was riding i'zily at an.
chor, the lookout stationed at the
masthead gave notice 10 the deck that
a general signal flag was flying from
the staff Of the flagship Philadelphia,
in command OF Admiral DahIgren.
Instantly all hands were asiir. The
signal quarterinaster quickly IBounl-
ed the bridge, with glass in hand,
and began to read the executive off,
Ger, who interpreted the number
given, and reported the results to the
captain. Each vessel was directed TO
sent to the flag a couple OF boats.
equipped and manned, 10 take part
In the midnight assault to be made by
the navy upon old "Sumpter," for
the purpose Of capturing and occupy
ing that defiant but deInoralized
brick pile.
AdmiraL Dahlgren, who had but a
short time previous assumed com
mand of the fleet pariook O. tine gen.
eral desires of the naval forces 10 be
the captors and thoasht this time TO
plant the "o'd flag" upon the ram
parts of the still rebelliOus Sumpter.
AS each officer received orders Off.
cially, stating the quota OF men aud
boats required, he mustered his crew,
telling them the nature of the servi.
ces, aud called for volunteers. The
response was such MS might be ex-
pected from the material composing
the crew of all American man .of. war.
The whole ships company. even to
the ship's cook, stood aside, ready
aud anxious to share the victory or
death. The gallant commander was
nonplussed, his quota being only
twenty-five men, and here were wear
ly two hundred offering themselvc.
for services. A selection was made
of the men known TO be most active
and daring. The programme was
fipally arranged, the muster conclu'
ded, aud men "piped down. Tht
volunteers, expecting the expedition
to he of great danger, and probabl,
a "torlorn hope" set 10 work coolly
making preparations for death, rs
sailor. when he has TO die, likes TO dc
so IN clean mastering clothes. A gen.
eral change was made. aud the bes
the cl,se.baos afforded mt ON. Tho
last iettcr was written 10 the dcal
o,es Al home !. n Anal disposition wa,
made nj oIl moneys dine or articles a
valne bv will siuned sealed an de
livcred Matters were now In good
sbone Volunteers armed with cut
lass aud revolver. only waited to h,
called away 10 ihe rendezvous of tbt
exned;,ion' which was 10 he the f]ap
sh;n when tho Tide sn;tcd THE vol
unteers before starring made ar
rangements with each other in cas
NJ death mr. capture. that III
snrv;vor was To seud any little son
v.n,r that miyht he of yalue 10 IN
family Of the lost one as n nement
or his sad fa,e.
The resn,t of the I'LL, "a expedI
,;on is now n matter of hisio.y. On
or The tventv.two men of our marty
but ten returned. AND they In de
moralized condition. One Of thos,
who returned, after recovering from
the fatigue, set about gathering the
trinkets. etc.. Of his mate. which h,
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06

Comparisons are always odious; but
the last was doubly so, inasmuch as
sometimes sign myself NJ. D., In the
columns Of the Times, when the head
editor 10 absent, and she knew ii.
Need mention, when l heard OF the
gratuitous insult offered me, I reject
ed Il with disdain. / am sorry to
say that l allowed my revengeful
feelings to get the better OF my dis
cretion. ! composed and published
over my own signature, In the Hard
scrabble Times, an ironico-satirical
poem, addressed to mothers.in-law w,
past, present and prospective, tho
concluding stanza Of which was par
ticularly cutting. Let me see--let
me see. II was couched In the fol-
lowing glowing terms:
II you'll take the Ratchet,
I'll take the save
And wen iop on the lego
" my methsr-in-iaw.
When Hsnrietta's mother read It.,
she turned as pale as the ghost mem
toned in tie beginning ofthis chron.
icle.
Allow mo 10 assure the reader,
once for all, that what Is here written
is no story, but simply PLAIN state.
lnent of facts. gaf
That estimable lady, was going to
say, turned as pale as an ash bari,
and would have fallen from her chair
II II hadn't been for the Rev. Gideon
Veriline, who threw both his arms
around her Just In time, and who, by
dint Of the most soothing attentions,
finally succeeded In restoring her
equanimity. have good reason TO
believe, however, that she never for
got or forgave, what Henrietta al
ways insisted upon, was only one OF
my plsssantries. When I think OF
all the good turns that woman has
done for me. I am overwhelmed with
a sense Of my Lwn unworthlness.
I've good mind the next time I'm
In town to 60 to the dollar store and
buy her breast-pln. gg
The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-05-06

CurTIScs.-In planting cuttings OF
grapes, currants. etc, open your fur
row, and after placing them AT proper
disiauccs ram the earth vey.y COM
pactly against the lower end, and fill
In the balance with loose earth, l z.