The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-05-31
PASSING SMILES.

The mule kicks in the way he does b
cause he cannot talk back.
Miss CONSTRUCTION - Whalebone,
paint, powder, and 10 forth.
THE woman who rsjects an offer Of
marriage practices slight Of hand.
WHEN does man smoke cigar too
long? When he smokes it too short.
Miss SHEETS is the new popular
singer in London. Twenty OF her
ought to make tolerably good choir.
In character, in manners, in style,
and in everything, the supreme excel
lence is simplicity.
MEN of weak, envious, selfish natures
are more apt to secretly hate friend
than an acknowledged enemy.
IT'S too much proved, that, with dcvo-
tion's visage, and pious action, We do
sugar DER the devil himself
THE elephant is the first traveller Of
the season, to have his trunk covered
with canvas.
YOU'VE housewife: "What miserable
little eggs againl You really must toll
them, Jane, to let the hens sit on them
a little longcrP
THE LEWISTON Ga1ette knows q I'D
dler who draws the hairs of the equine
over the intestines of the feline In
most mastery manner"
THE manager Of country thoator,
whose audience consisted one night Of
but two men, both drunk, declared that
he had a " full house."
A HARDLY EVER" temperance CO.
city has been formed down East. When
a member is asked II he drinks he says,
+" Hardly ever, but If do, it Is about
this time of day."
could you tell me, sir, which is the
other side Of the street," On being told
1t was across the way, the drunken man
said: "That's what said; but fellow
over there sent me over here"
JOSH BILLINGS makes very frank
admission when he tells us: after al
| don't know az there Is eny thing in
this world that pays much better than
being natral phool."
The New York police picked upa
drunken man the other day, with ten
thousand dollars in securities on his
person, and the thieves are tearing
their hair and cursing their hard luck.
BILLINGS once in a while strikes a
bottom fact In connection with human
nature, and this is one Of them: "Thare
IL no good substitute for wisdum, but
silence IL the best that haz been discov-
cred yet"
"Give me five cents, mister 7" queried
a corpulent woman, a day or two ago.
You don't seem to be much In need"
replied the party solicited. You are
pretty welldressed, healthy-looking
woman, and you have . large basketful
of groceries, Eyes," she responded,
"but l want FIVE cents. want to hire
a boy to carry my basket for me-
THE SEA.
The sea Is jovial comrade:
He laughs wherever no goes
His merri ent shines In the dimping linee
He lays himself down at the let Of tho sun,
And shakes a l over with glee
And the broad backed pillows fall faint on The
| In the nirth Of the mighty sea:
-Boyord Taylor.
THE Louisville Democrat tells OF q
Kentuckan who, criticised by q friend
for bad playing at cards, turned and
said, quietly: Gan old gentleman, by
the name OF Ross, had two sons, Robert
and William, who each made fortune.
Robert Ross attended TO his own bust
ness, and William let other peoples
alone" The hint was taken, and the
game went on without further comment.
"MY love- said an adoring husband
to his second wife, as they were leaving
the church, where they bad just been
married." My love, how embarrassed
you seemed to be, was afraid You
wouldn't get through with the cere-
mony." ooh, we'll, you know, my dear,
this is my first marriage. Next time
shall be as lively as can be- was tho
soothing reply.
AT the entrance of q restaurant In
Pesth, where young ladies are employed
to stand and wait, is posted notice
reading: Gentlemen are requested 70
abstain from kissing the mattresses on
, the stairs, as this is fruitful source OF
breaksge, and impedes the service"
!, Human nature being the same the world
over, the placard calls in great many
customers who are anxious to zee the
girls whom they are enjoined not TO kiss
on the stairs.
ONE Of the Secretaries Of the Church
Missionary Society, distinguished
, man, was about to preach to coioreG
congregation, when he was introduced
by the regular minister of the church,
a black man, in these words: Now,
, den, brudden, Use heah to info'm you
|, dat Brudder Blank is gwine to preach 70
you to-day. He is the Secretary OF the
.. Missionary Society, distinguished an
, eloquent man. In fac, my brudden:
he is soundin' brass an . tinklm'
cymbal."
5 Bad Bill Rahb.
Bill Babb is Texan Of notoriety =
!. his own State. He i uneducateds
brutal, bold and ambitious. He began