Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-11-28
Every dog has his day, but the nights
belong to the cats.

" tuOSC VIC 1Oh6
Every dog has his day, but the nights
belong to the cats.
An authority on slang, says, Cheese
it P is a corruption of Don't give it to
whey"
Surprise is one of the principal ele-
ments Of wit. This is why it always
makes man laugh to sit down on a pin.
IfEdison's electric light is generally
introduced into our houses, what IS
Bridget going to light the kitchen fire
with?
Everybody will regret the calling in of
white neck-ties. While they were in
vogue a fellow could look like banker
for five cents.
College paper First preparatory stu
dent (angrily): "f you attempt to pull
my ears you'll have your hands full"
Second prep. docking at his ears): 'Weu
yes, rather think shall"
A patent-medicine man posted hand
bills in every available spot in the vii
lage the other morning, and before night
fifteen goats had enough medical infor-
nation in them to run an eclectic college.
a uldblEI-Ol@AdCb uldll WAS sOl4 By LIS
doctor to put a check on his stomach if
he wished to live long and be happy.
He went Immediately to his tailor, who
filed the prescription by making plaid
vest.
Said Mrs. Fitz-Maurice: ''The dear
child is such an ETHEREAL creature, and
so delicate. You will scarcely credit it,
but she lost hair pin out of her head
one day last week, and she has had a
frightful cold ever since"
"How quiet and IovelyP remarked
the tourist. Surely, this might be a
spot the poet had in mind when he said,
'fSilence reigns." Guide-"Ahl and ye
may say the same. And thunders, too.
yer honOrP
"Do you call tnat elothesT sternIy de-
manded a British customs official of the
woman who had sworn that there was
nothing in her trunk but clothes for her
solf and husband, and as he spoke he
pointed to six bottles of brandy. eyes"
She said softly, 'aThose are his night
caps"
A peculiar way of discharging prison.
ers exists in Dayton offices. Each COM
positOr has a nail to hang his coat on,
and when the foreman concludes to dis
pense with the services of one of the
hands, ne takes a hammer and drives
the nail in up to the head.
Suicide is an hereditary disease in
MANY families in Germany; its freQuen-
cy is in parts attributed to the vicious
system Of intermarriage among near re-
- n1oe orln T1TnRng QUmfE
and nephews marrying merely to keep
property or titles IN the family.
A PECULIAR METHOD OF DYING.-By
accident, says a correspondent, l dis
covered that the acid of waste red cur
rant skins in water turned a piece Of
black muslin a bright orange. In that
water a valuable dress that had been
dyed a hideous purple, on being dipped
several times, became very beauntul
and rare brown.
The planet Mercury may be inhabited,
Dut probably not. If they were lively
chaps up there they couldn't refrain
from throwing tomatoes down at the
white pluc hats worn on this earth.
Pleasure is to woman what the sun is
TO the flower; if moderately enjoyed it
beauties, it refreshes and it improves;
if immoderately, it withers, desolates
and destroys.
1t is much easier to meet with error
than to find truth; error is on the sur
face, truth is hidden in great depths;
and the way to seek it does not appear
to all the world.
A man was boasting that he had an ell
evator in his house. $50 he has, chimed
in his wife, "and he keeps It in cup
board. in bottle.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable defended his position by
saying they made a man forget all his
other miseries.
Happiness consists not in possessing
much, but in being content with what
we possess. He who wants little has al
ways enough.
Dr.. Kane, finding flower under the
Humboldt glacier, was more affected by
it because it grew beneath the lip and
cold bosom of the ice, than he would
have been by the most gorgeous garden
bloom. So some single struggling grace
in the heart of one far removed from
divine influences may be dearer to God
than a whole catalogue of virtues in the
life of one more favored by heaven.