Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1879-03-29

door bell, the other day, Mr. Bir6 him.
self opened the door. Mr.. Bird had tho
baby upon his arm, and there were four
children at his heels.
lis the lady of the house i'll" asked
the peddler.
Certainly che isnt!" replied Mr..
Bird. .....-l
s.She is not She is perenpially and
eternally out!
"Why, go down TO the woman Snt-
frage Club rooms, aud If she is not
there, 90 to the Society for the preven-,
ton OF cruelty to animals, and II she
has left there, visit the hall Of the asso-
citation for alleva,ing the miseries OF she
Senegambians, and if she has finished
up there, look at the church aid society,
or at the 9th Ward Soup House, or NJ
the home of one.legged or a, tie refuge
for infirm dogs, or at the hospital tor
the Aslhmstic, or at the ST. Polycarp
Orphan Asylum or at some OF these
places. II you get on her trail, you'll
SEQ more paupers, and s,rong-'n'nded
women, and underclothing for The
heathen than ever yoa saw in the whole
course of your life"
waut'to sell her cold handle fiat
iron, Just ont. Do You think she viii
buy one!
"She will If you can prove that the
naked canuibal in Seneganbia are yearn
ing for cold handle fat irons. Sho
would buy diamond breas; pins Tor the
nirgers il they wanted them | believe.
Il intended to offer her 4 new kiud
of immovable bair pin, winch"
"All right. You jast so down TO tho
one legged, and pursuado those crippls
to cry for immoyablc hair Plus, and shell
order EN- by The ton.
"IIas she any children3"
well I'm the ono that appears to
have EN-; just now, anyhow.
because have a gum Tor feeding
bottle; this is the incest thing YOU ever
saw"
"Now eaid Mr.. Bird, I'll tell you
what you do. You get those paupers
TO swear that they cant cat the soup
they get at the sonp House with spoons,
but they must have it from bottle with
rubber nozzle, and Mrs. Bird will keep
You SO busy supplying the demand that
YOU wont have chance 10 sleep. You
just try it!' Buy up the paupcrs! Bn1e
'em!" y,
How'll I know her when I see heri'
"Why, she's large woman with n
bent nose, and she talks all the time.
You'll hear her taking as soon you get.
within mile of her. She'll ask you 10
subscribe TO tho Sepcgambian fund, aud
to the Asylum, before you get your
breath, probably she read you four or
five letters from reformed csnnibals.
But don't you mind 'em. My opinion
is she wrote 'em herself!
"Shail tell her you told me to call
upon herr
1t don't make any difference. But
you might meu,ion that since she left
home the baby has had four fits, ,Jchppy
has fallen off OF the pear tree aud crack
ed his skull, Mary and Jim both had
something like Group, aud Tommy has
been bitten by Jsnes dog II wont
excite her; she won't care cant; hut
Id like her to have the latest news.
Tell her f she can manage to drop In
here for minute between now and tho
Fourth of July, she might maybe wash
the baby and give the other children y
chance how she looks. But sbe needn't
come if il will interfere with the hsppi-
ness OF the one.leggej mendicants, or
make her asthmatic patients miserable.
Mind and mention it TO her now, will
youl'
81 will"
"AlI right, then. I'll 60 in and pnt
some fresh sticking plaster on Johnnys
skull" '''-
Aud with the baby singing yociter-
our sole, aud the other children c'inging
to his legs, Mr. Bird retrcateG and shut
the door. The pcddler had determined
TO propose TO girl that night. lilo
changed his mind, and resOlved 10 re-
main bachelor.