The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-08-15
iiiNl 'lll HJ TIT
TAXI A SMILE.

nv Dfe'N't w" ''to EVIL Bhltts
A cardinal virtueANot TO cheat at
cards. lIl rs ira lE.f sIH f. 3
Tho board of educaiion--.Tbe black
board.
Mosquitoes penetrate into Ike best
society.
A cuff on the wrist is worth two on
the ear. gem
The boy who woke his father roused
his ire. ..li i+l .Y.i ta tia-
Never hurry d hen in spring time
she might lay scrambled egg.
If a man waits too long for something
TO turn mp 1t will be his toes. .i
Grass gets its dew-about the only
thing in this world that does. y3...
This is the season of the year to tell
secrets; everybody will keep shady.
Girls, don't throw your cast-of sooes
in the alieyways, for alley CATERS are
dangerous. r,,
Young ladies wearing fashionable
dresses now may be said TO be in clothes
confinement.
a summer resort-Borrowing money
TO go on fortnight's jaunt to the noun
tains or seashore. n
a girl went back on her bow-legged
beau because she said she didn't like to
waltz in bracelets.
Mrs. Jones says her husband will
never get struck by lightning because
he always gets insulate. ...
Since Thomas has been in love with
Fannie he has grown SO thin that he has
become regular phantom.
Why are good resolutions like a
squalling baby at church? Because
they should always be carried out.
In searching for wife look only at
the feet, for does not the old adage tell
us.that "All's well that.ends well?"
How soon popular songs become old.
Even now "My Grandfather's Clock"
may be classed among the old time
pieces. ,.. ....
George Fawcett Rowe has had fuss
with his wife and she has deserted him.
She says he can hoe his own Roe alone
after this.
"Thou rainest in this BOSOM" as the
lover said when basin of water was
thrown over him by lady he was SER
A young lady was stung on the lip by
a bee the other day. We congratulate
the bee on knowing just where the
honey was.
A traveller at a railroad eating house
i'll Missouri Was recently heard to ex-
claim: "You keep up a terrible noise
with your old gong for so little sup
per-"
1t was Boston lady who informed a
visitor who came to see her new house
that she was having hicks made in the
walls in which to place statutes, and ia
one of them burst of her husband.
A barber in neighboring town has
his two daughter, as attendants in his
shop, and they brush the hats and coats
SO nice that the boys say they are a pair
OF whisk heirs that any man might be
proud of.
A female teacher threatened to keep
an unruly boy fifteen minutes after
school. 81 wish you'd make it half an
hour" said the appreciative boy, "for
you're the prettiest girl in town!" He
got of easy.
al am afraid" said lady to her bus-
band, "that l am going to have stiff
neck" "Not at all improbable" my
dear" replied her spouse, 81 have seen
strong symptoms of it ever since we
were married.
Mother, noticing her little daughter
wipe her mouth with her dress sleeve,
asked her what her handkerchief was
for. Said the little one: at is to shake
at the ladies in the street. That is what
papa does with his"
A man in Indiana brought suit for a
divorce against his wife, gained his case
and then applied to her for money to pay
the expenses. She gave it to him, and
in fit Of gratitude he offered to marry
her again, but she declined.
There was yonng shoemaker, from
toll sought some relief. and he resolved
TO take short spell at playing thief.
lie left his pegs and bristles, he left his
awl of ills; in Jail he taps and whistles
they caught him tapping tills.
"What we admire about the Hnnga.
rians" says European writer, sis that
after all, they are Austrians." This re-
minds us of the man who said that ht
used goat cheese on his bread because
the goat was such good butter.
"My dear" said smiling spouse te
her other half morning or two since
81 am going a shopping l want littl'
change" "PoohW responded the un
gallant man, "that would be no chang,
at all; you go shopping every day."
A certain editor was taking wall
one evening with his wife, when she
who was romantic and an admirer Q
nature, said: "Augustus, just motto
the moon." "Can't think of it, m
dear, for less than twenty cents line.
A bright little ihree-year-old Will
her mother was trying to get her I
sleep, became interested in some outsid
noise. She was told that il was cause
by cricket, when she sagely observed
"Mamma, l think he ought to be oiled.
The strangest thing in mathemati,
or history Is the fact that notwithstant
Ing there are 1000 men in a regimen
one man constitutes the major part
| 1t, and although there are thirty-o
days in the month, one day is ii
Fourth of July. a ir
A young man whose conduct ha
always been above suspicion went to
neighbor's house the other night an
stole kiss from young laty's lip
The next night he became so conscicns
stricken on account of the theft that b
/ went over to the neighbours honse an
put the article right back where i
, found ii.
The other day farmer met a irien
in Detroit, who asked him how pro
: poets were out in tine country. 9Th
: dry weather is just killing everything
was the doleful reply. Some hours a
terward a storm of rain broke over Il
city, and as the farmer ran in out of Il
| xxat hto f..ianl oat1. fkpl. n