The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-11-29

"Wcll, Pm going to haw haw ! you
about $5 worth"
The prisoner settled himself back for
a speech. Then he settled forward to
give the court u bit Of "sass." Then
he didn't exactly like the looks of
OF things and he pulled outa"V," paid
the fine and walked out.
ALMOST YOUNG IN.--"My mother
was afflicted Il long time with Nenral-
gia and dull, heavy. inactive condi-
ton of the whole system; headache,
nervous prostration, and was almost
helpless. No physicians or medicines
did her any good. Three mouths ago
she began TO use Hop Bitters, with such
good effect that she seems and feels
young again, although over 70 years
old. We think there is no other med
icino fit to use in the family."-A lady
in Providence; r. L.
A YOUNG couple in humble life were
going through the usual civil matrimo-
nial forms few days ago before the
mayor of one Of ACCOMPLISHMENTS of
Paris. "rho woman is everywhere to
follow hcr husband" said the function
airy, rcciting the usual formula. 81
decline to promise that" said tho bride,
with great decision, "What do you
mean ~ inquired the mayor "My nus
band is II letter-carrier in the su-
burbs," replied the cautious creature in
minciDg tone.
AN old Scotch lady, who had no rel
lsh for modern church music, was ex-
pressing her, dislike for the singing of
an anthem in her own church one day,
when neighbor said, "Why that is a
very old anthem; David sang that an
them to Saul" 10 this the old lady re-
piled: "Weel, wcel. moo for the first
time undcrstan' why Saul threw his
Javelin ut David when the lad sang to
him."
a poETEss sings @I love thee every
hour" That's right. Girls who love
follow only four or five hours out of
the twenty-four, and bestow their af-
fccCions upon several other chaps dur
ing the remaining hours of the day,
are what the New York custom officers
would call "irauds in silk" They
should love every hour, or not at all.
a BELATED husband, hunting in the
dark for match with which TO LIGHT
the gas, and audibly expressing his
disappointment, was rendered insensi-
bic in an instant by his wife suggest
ing in sleepy voice that he had better
light one and look for them, and not 20
stumbling around in the dark breaklng
things.
WILL newspaper reporters ever get
through writing that man seriously
Ill or badly hurt is in Dangerous con-
a hn u
Gus when in the full possession of
health ana strength, but quite harm
less when prOstralcd with illness and
wounds.
Tidy, the cook, to small waiter boy
(Catholic)-Martin, did you know you
was eating meat on Friday? l thought
1t was against the rules ofyour church.
Nlartin-Well, so it is, but it don't hurt
the boardcrs and ! guess 1t won't hurt
me-"
a LITTLE girl was visiting the coun-
try and for the first time witnessed
the operation Of milking. Watching
the proceedings intently for while,
she Inspected the COW minutely, and
then launched the poser, "Wherc do
they put it inp''
~ THINK it's time to be going" said
trothed till II late hour at night. "Yes, -
said she, "this Is go-as- -you-please
match.'"
A NEW style OF boys trousers has been
invented IN Boston. with a copper seat,
sheet-iron knees, riveted down In the
seams, and waterproof pockets to hold
broken eggs.
"THh very soil Of France" saws a
recent writer, "sprOuts immortality -
But Franco Is not peculiar in this re-
gard. You can find loose earth in every
country.
ways rides to church. He must save
his own sole as well ns souls of others.
REPENTANCE is like a married woman
rushing for an excursion train-it usr-
ally arrives too late.
AN old man with brilliantly red
nosee should not be held up AZ a shin
ing example for young men.
a man at church fair tho other
night cried ont, "I'ye got the oyster.
Gimme the prlze.''
COLLEGE boys take more naturally to
Pl Eta than piety.
FLOUR is rising. All good -four
ROCK OF ages--the" cradle.