Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1879-02-11
Josh Billings Allminax.

Q. What is the best religious kreed
to havY
A. Charity. If a man will swoE
off all the religious kreed he haz go1
on hand, and invest the proceeds in
charity, he will allwus be proud ov the
job.
q. Will you pleze deiire an Enthu.
ziastl
A. An Enthuziast IL a party who
behaves about 4 times as mulch az he
kan prove, and who kan prove about 4
times az mulch az anybody else be
leaves.
q. What three things hav dun the
most to civlize the world!
A. The Bible, the looking-glass and
the muskett.
Q. Which IL the most reddy ami
mile,
A. The mule-they allwus sleep
standing, so to be on hand when the
hiking begins to flow
Q. What is the quikest food on
reckord
A. The oyster Gu the half shell
they ken be Ut sitting, standing, or on
the run.
hay finally cum to the konklushun
that il kant prov. a thing without
betting s dollars on it, the thing haz
got dr.adphull weak spot sumwhare.
Yung man set down, and keep still
you will hav plenty ov chances yet to
make phool ov yureself before yu
die.
1t IL a wize man who profits hi hiz
own experience-buti it IL a good deal
wizer one, who lets the rattlcsnaik bite
the other phellow.
Take all the phools out ov this world,
and there wouldn't be emmy phun nor
profit living in it.
would az soon think ov pulling the
feathers out ov peake ks tale, az
to interfere with inosent vanity ov a
man.
when a wize man undertakes to do a
Running thing he almost always makes
a mizerable failure ov il.
Marrid life IL little game, in which
the woman, il she il called, IL almost
sure to hav strate flush.
The man who knows thing, land can
tell it in the f.w-st words, IL the hard
est kind of a man to beat in a kross ex-
aminashun.
The things thati kant prove be-
| hll. hat
IL sour, and another one sweet, but !
will Civ any highly -ddikated man, a
span ov matched mules. who will tell
ui- wha. makes them so.
hav lived Just long enuff to find
out how little kno, and no man who
throws away hiz faith IL ever going to
be very wizr.
The smartest thing about emmy man
IL hiz Conscience, he may outargy hiz
reazol, or stutity hiz faith, bu: he
kant trat liz Conscience.
The best thing kno ov is fust rate
WIFE, and the next best thing. is Sc
kOnd rate one.
Caushun IL good thing for man
to hav, but when he naz got so mulch
ov it, that Ii. IL afrade to tutch kast
iron lion, for fear it would bite, ignor-
anse IL what's the matter ov him.
In conrtship hav 'allwus advised
the oblique rather than the vertikal
process; if your mistress diNkovers too
mulch anxiety in yu, she IL shure to
al " nvpr l.ss in herself
Whenever yu cum akrost a man who
iistrusts everybody, yu hav found one
whom it is safe for everybody to dis
trust.
1t is bad rnuT TO be fust rate mon
key, but to be third rate IL more dis
astrous than to be an idol.
There IL no sure kure for lazyness
but have known second wife to
hurry it sum.
1t IL the surprizes of life that add
most to our pleasures; one man IL sur
priced with a legacy from ritcl unkle;
another, that the OLD speckled hen has
lust cum off the nest with u chickens.
Gamblers, not infdels, havn't faith
enuh in their professions to teach it to
their children.
There is nothing so skarse az origi.
nality, even an original phool would be
a CRATE relief just now.