National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-12-13
A REPLY TO MARK TWAIN
The Humorist Touched on Some Tender
Bl.iI,

| The HumOrist Touched on Some Tender
Points.
The following letter appears in the Hartford
EreniHg Post in reply to Mark Twain's criti
cisms of a former letter, in which Mr.. Kirby
attempted to correct some errors into which
that gentleman had fallen regarding the Postal
servicc
WAsHrvGToN, D. c., December II, 1879.
Mark Tipain, esq,
| AGED AND RESPECTED SIR: DOM know
| that quite grasp the meaning OF your letter
| in the COurdm Of tho 9th instant; there is
such wealth of illustration in IL that ono al
most loses sight of the matter intended to be
| illustrated in his admiration of the beauty of
| the illustrations; but as near rs / can make 10
out, you seem to be under the impression that
] felt aggrieved, trod upon, sat down upon,
pulled or otherwise misused, either personally
| or MS an irresponsible, inexpensive and un-
necessary appendago" to the POstoilice Do
partment by your letter. to which my com
| mnnication referred.
Now right there is where you make n very
| serious mistake. There was nothing in your
| irst letter personal to myself, aud its misreprc-
sentaiions of the regulations of the POST
Office Department were in themselves no more
worthy of notice than those of hundred ir-
responsible, ignorant and unknown news
paper writors, whose marked illusions arc
daily sent TO the Department by their mis-
guided readers. So far as the order of tho
POstmastor-Genera aud the regulations of the
Department are concerned, they need no de-
tense, because any man who has sense enough
to comprehend them sees at glance that they
arc right, and the officers Of the Department
have no time to waste in correcting the mis-
Information concerning thom SO sedulously
disseminated by many Of the common run Of
newspaper men,
Nothing in the world could have induced
me, or anybody connected with the postal SCR
vice, to notice your letter had it appeared as
an editorial In the Brkhamsted Bagle of
Freedom from which thought il had been
extracted by the editor of the pAper in which
found it, until came to the signaturo-but
when | saw the signature | said to myself:
" Now, here is another good man gone wrong,
grievously wrong. Here is niau that have
been looking up to for years rs my guide,
philosopher and friend, man whose fame
covers the hemisphores, as the inventor Of
ascrap-book, the Inauguration OF tho movement
to erect q monument TO Adam, and the only
man who ever dared to speak irrcvercntly of
members of the Boston Mutual Admiration
Society in the presence of II meeting of that
society, aud this man has been writing about
matter of which he is so utterly and hopelessly
ignorant that he thinks ho knows all about it.
1T won't do" said to myself "to let such
man as this continue to languish in dark
ness and reflect the same upon his neighbors"
SO out of pure benovolence sent you tho
documents, believing that when you had been
furnished the evidence that you were all
wrong, and had been 80 from the beginning
you would not retract, for that would be fatal
but that you would at least say that the De-
partment had receded from the position in
which you had placed it, aud that 1t was at
any rate, according to your latest advices, not
exactly the imbecilo institution which you had
represented it to be.
am glad to sec that was not disappointed,
but am n little surprised TO find you laying
tho responsibility Of your former ignorance
upon the Department.
Still, l don't know that can blame you
either for that or for the Ito me- somewhat
personal preface 10 your rccantatiOu. In an
ordinary man it would be regarded as natural,
but had somehow thought better things of
you. You see l supposed rs u matter of course
when you killed your conscience you had also
made away with your scnsitiveuess. To Il
professional humorist, man who makes his
living by proddng other people, thin skin is
even more inconyenient than II conscience,
and / had not the slightest idea that you
would get mad at little thing like my letter.
| can only say, by way of palliatiOn, that If
have done anything for you to be sorry for
AM glad of it.
In conclusion, permit me to suggest that If
you will kindly stir up that particular ono of
your eleven private secretaries. whose duty it
IS to return that newspaper clipping | sent
you, you will greatly obligo
Yours truly, THOMAS b. kirby.