The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-03-29
T1HIS AND THAT.

is regular, if not high.
This little stir about the Chinese sent
the price of washing up two cents on the
dozen. If"John" must 60, he isn't going
off in a cheap manner.-Frce Press.
Legislators is the latest and most out
rageous msnomer for the female performers
in variety shows.
Dakota Territory has a new town
called Eden. There being great absence
of women in Dakota, perhaps the name is
safe enough for the present.
! There never was but one shirt-msker in
this country who understood how bottom
hole should be placed in a collar, and she
died with the secret untold.
When a man tries to pick a quarrel
with the moon, it is not very hard to guess
where he spent his evening; he has been to
his dodge"
-"oh, what fish balls, 10 centsp is the
sign at the door of a New York restaurant.
Another Of those horrid conundrums tina
run in schools. How can anybody know
what fish bawls 10 cents.
An uptown man says he has the best
ouction-ear in his family. 1t belongs to his
wife, and it hears of every auction in town,
much to the lightness Of his purse.
We arc willing to swallow great deal,
in the way of a tough yarn, but when
moralist asserts that the devil goes about
"like a sheep in VOLTS clothing" we feel in
cined to ask some conundrums.
Nothing makes the average small boy
feel more like swearing, after cleaning off
the sidewalk in the evening, to wake up the
next morning and find it recovered with
snow, especially if it's legal holiday.
Just so. An exchange observes: "Not
one cent for paying honest debts, bpt mill
lions for hunting mares nests" This should
be engraved on the coffin. plate of certain
Mauch Chunk editor when he dies.
"A gentleman who kicked an inoiIensiye
person down stairs in mistake for a book
agent paid the paltry sum of S. to hush the
matter up. He placed his V-toe, as it were
upon any further proceedings,
"A moral philosopher remarks that Gun
limited activity, of whatever kind, must at
last end in bankruptcy" The bustling
hornet and lively flea can never be cowed
dowd by such flimsy philosophy.
The village is flooded with spurious
silver coins, We asked an Irishman here
if he had any idea where they came from.
eyes, sir, they come from some fellows base
mint, and the buyer passes them back to
to the seller again"
A gentle maiden's love-letter :-"Dear
Jimmy-It's all up. We aint going to get
married. Ma says you are too rough, and
guess she's right. I'm so sorry but can't
you go TO Philadelphia and get filed
down? ?"
"A young man who was kicked off the
front doorstep while endeavoring to see his
girl, by her enraged papa, was too cautious
to call him an old pirate, but he didn't hesi-
tate to brand him as free booter,
Ever since il got out that Rome was
saved by the cackling of geese, legislators
have settled down to the conviction that
only by their eternal cackling can the peo-
ple's rights be maintained, Verify, the
goose has much TO answer for.
Scene Fancy hosiery facetious youth
purchasing bow for his sweetheart, Face
tious youth to shop-girl-"I suppose you have
all kinds of ties here, Miss ?" Shop-girl-
1.,1s O..
would you like to see?" Facetious youth
(winking to his sweatheart) )-"Could you
supply me with a pigstye?" shop-girl'-
"With pleasure, sir just hold down your
head and I'll take your measure" Tab
leau,
1t often happens that man is willing
to pay a compliment even when he is una
bic TO pay his other debts. A compliment,
however, may look like the honey ofthe bee
and yet conceal the sting of the wasp. A
certain lawyer was compelled TO apologize
to the Court. With stately dignity lac rose
in his place and said-"Your Honor is right
and am wrong, as your Honor generally
is." There was dazed look in the Judges
owe, and he hardly knew whether to feel
happy or fine the lawyer for contempt Of
Court.
Capt. Boyton swain from Oil City to
Pittsburg with the temperature of the wa.
ter below zero, and the only effects he ex-
perienced was the peeling of the skin off
the nose. A woman sat two hours in church
where there was no fire, took chill and
died in two days of pneumonia. The NOR
al is as plain as the MONDAY sun, but wo
wouldn't advise a woman to swim from Oil
City to Pittsburg in preference to sitting
two hours in a fireless church.
-Rockland Courier; Professor - "You
will repeat the lesson on the battle of Bun
ker Hill" Student (after long and pain
full silence) -"Please sir, can't" Profess
sor with rown)-"Why not9" Student
(timidly)-"Because I haye been deceived"
Professor (astonishod) d)-'In what way?"
Student (humbly)--"I have always been
told that history repeats itself, and so
didn't trouble myself to study the lesson"
The new dollar notes to be issued by
the Empire Ct California will have in the
centre picture of Emperor Dennis /. Over
this picture will be the inscription, spool
your issues" Beneath it will be the words
"The Chinese must 60" Around the edges
of tile bill will be a row Of wash tubs with
Mclean women presiding and swarm Of
dead Chnamen at their feet.
CANDID OPINION
A Detroit lowyer, famous for his wise and