Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-10-03
F. u N !.

fataIist. lived in region infested by Indi-
ans. He always took his gun with him.
and once finding that some Of the family
had taken it out, he would not 60 without
it. His friends called him, saying there
was no danger of the Indians, as he would
not die till his time came, anyhow. YES
said he, 'but suppose was to meet an In
dian and his time had come. it would not
do not to have my gun.'
s'John," said Mrs. Smith. s'what smell
is that?''
'sClOves.''
"But that other smell?'
esAllspice.''
''But isn't there another?'
Eyes, apples"
"Just one more?"
solder, my dear"
"Wen, John, she said, 'sif you'd only
drink a little brandy now, you would
make good mince pie.'
When President Elliot receives the new
Chinese teacher at Harvard he will quote
from Sidney Smith and address him in
Latin, tn doces-ssThou tea chest.''-
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The ssBulletin'' stole that excellent pun,
and ought to be ashamed of itself. Here
is another stolen one. A lover presented
tea-caddy to his sweetheart (whose pet
name was Caddie), who found upon it the
following inscription: Amao te, Caddy.-
Dispatch.
The kind friend at Memphis who sent
us curiosity for our museum "a sample
block of the wooden pavement said to be
infected with fever germs will accept our
thanks for the specimen, and when he
comes this way we'll try to return the
compliment by allowing him to 60 shoot
ing with curious shotgun we have, thai
let's the charge out at the breech.-Bosto1
Post.
A LOVERS ALARM CLoCK.-A lovers
alarm clock has been introduced. At ten
O'Clock it strikes loudly, two little doors
open. and man with dressing gown and
cap on glides out, holding in his hand a
card inscribed "Good night" As he bows
and smilingly retires back into the clock,
the young man takes the hint, says 'sgood
night" to the fair daughter and departs.
A correspondent asks Us what is good
for moths. We don't know much about
it, but we should recommend plenty of
healthy, nourishing food, with seltzer wa
ter occasionally to aid digestion.-CarDet
Trade Review.
They also thrive in nice warm place.
such as lady's sealskin muff, or a velvet
carpet.-Bdton.
A prominent attorney, while fishing a
day or two since, pointed out to his COM
panions sign-board, remarking, 'The
fellow who put that up is liar" "Why?''
asked his companion. Because the sign
reads, NO fishing in this brook" and
caught the best trout in my basket direct
ly under that board. ~ Providence Jour-
nal.
Beware of the man who comes into your
Office while the morning is fresh and starts
off by saying: ST don't want to take uI
your time; 81 know what business men
you editors are" The chances are that
he will stay until sunset, and will only
leave because you draw pistol on him.
"A new belt-clasp has three comparI
ments in which the wearer may stow pins
needles and cotton" Cotton in belt
clasp? Well, perhaps the wearer may stow
it there, but it would be a change that
that is, we don't know anything about it
Norristotcaa Herald.
The Boston '.Post'' says it may be
that ssone-haf the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" But if SO it
goes to prove that "the other half d0esn It
allow its servants to gossip over the back
fence with the servants next door,
The weakest living creature, by concen-
trating his powers upon a single object
can accomplish something. Sentiment ana
Sense IN Free Press.
A mosquito on mans nose for in
stance.-Bat0n.
Erskine puzzled the wits of his acqnain-
tances by inscribing on tea-chest the
words, STU doces." It was sometime be-
fore they found out the wit of this literal
translation, "Thou teachest."
An editor being asked, ''Do hogs pay ?"
says great many do not. They take the
paper several years and then have the post
master send 1t back marked "refused.'
The Smith family recently held a re-
union in New jersey. Their principal
sentiment was: "Pocahontas, the preser-
yer of our race"
The man who invented the gas-meter
has achieved the nearest approach to per-
petual motion that we will ever see.
When corner loafer dies in Tennessee
the newspapers say: "Another old land
mark gone"
A good dinner will make home happy
where twenty notices have had no effect
-Fnee Press.
Beaux on the shoes are fashionable. -
soliloauised old Hardheart when he kick
cd Sarah's young man out.