Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-15

q OotIoIy!
Alex.--With your backs towards the
works.
Gen. Conkling-Gen. Ramsey, which is
the best way to take fort?
Alex.-Wait till the garrison goes away
and then move in with all your Saratoga
trunks, from Utica. ~
Conk. (aside) ~ tried that once at Fort
Sprague, but I couldn't hold the fort
Smoothing the spit curl, then speaking
aloud) General did you ever see blunder-
buss, and if SO, what was it like?
Ale1.-Yes, several; the biggest one was
so big that it would scare you to death, till
Gen. Blaine.-Well now, general, as q
anyhow?
Ale1.-Well, I've got along pretty we'll,
myself, in both war and peace, have,
get their political bloody shirts without
war. ...
Blaine.-Ah, yes, governor, certainly,
But which is most essential to the Indian
service, post traders or cavalry?
Alex.-As to post traders, don't SO much
see the use of them. have only one poor
orphan brother, but he only wants to go
among the Indians as missionary. Per
haps, Gen. Blaine, if you could get him ia
terested with you in Fort Smith and Arkan
sas railroad stock, he might be persuaded to
be little more worldly minded. As to
cavalry service, I am down on it. tried it
once myself, and found it decidedly danger
GUS and unpleasant. To be shot at, when
about dismounting from your horse, is
against all rules ever learned as to show
to ride horse with ease and safety"
Blaine.-Under such circumstances, Gen.
eral, what is the regular cavalry maneuver in
dismounting? is, from which end of
the horse should the gallant cavalry charger
dismount?
Alex.-The hind end sir, always! always
Gen. Thurman-(W Waving his bandanna.)
Ramsey, if Indian affairs are placed under
the control of the war department., how do
you propose to treat the Indians?
Alex.-Ouce, when told the Indians that
the whites had given up drinking in great
measure, they said, they would do SO too, il
the government would give them smaller tin
cups, which is one of the first measures
shall recommend. n-
Thur.-Governor, we differ as to the kind
of treatment intended. meant political
treatment. You, like a good Quaker, spoke
Of spiritual treatment. .-.. -
Alex.-Not 80 much difference after all,
my friend Thurman, for in either case your
political or my spiritual, the treatment would
be bourbon.
Thur.-Well, now that we understand
each other, how do you propose to conduct
Indian affairs? 4 .stz
Alex.-Well, you see, the government has
never been able to make the management of
the Indians pay. Simon Cameron saye, he
found it more profitable to remove the In
dams. Many of my old Indian trading
friends found it still more profitable to make
treaties with them. The traders always said
that the "pen is mightier than
the sword''-in making out In
dian claims. But the good Quaker,
General Grant plan is to give the poor In
dams bounties for white scalps. That policy
works like charm, and it Grant will only
pay them such visit as he has all other
heather nations, they will soon come to IN
derstand that "the United States is Nation -
and must be happy accordingly.
Thur.-Oh, yes; Grant is good fellow,
and if We give him plenty of backsheesh he
will eat crow with Sitting Bull or humble
pie with Victoria. We never could have
cooked Tilden's goose if Grant hadn't given
us his moral support. Let US make him
chief justice, inspector of whisky frauds,
duke of black Friday, captain general.
Alex.-Not if I'm secretary of war. No
captain generals over the var. s
Pres.-Order, gentlemen, order! It seems
to me that General Ramsey has shown him.
self in every way fitted for the war depart
ment. He has demonstrated that he will
come to the administration of the Office
without any previous fixed prejudices or no
tons about its duties, which is q rare qualif-
cation, always to be desired in the head of
a department..
Senators - Unanimously. Let him be
confirmed.
Exeunt omnes.
SCENE 2. r-..-s