Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-02-02

sees carpet on the line i'll the back yard
ne regards it as a 'scautionary offshore
signal" and sneaks down town and buys
soda cracker lunch at the corner gro
Gerry.
A railroad brakeman in St. Louis
dreamed he heard the long whistle, and
nearly twisted his wife's ear off. His
wife said he might reverse her "switch,"
but she would rather not have her ears
taken for engineers.
Doctor, ny daughter seems to be going
blind, and she's just getting ready for
her wedding, too! 0 dear me, what is to
be dones" "Let her go right on with the
wedding, madam, by all means. If any
thing can open her eyes, marriage will"
Its all very WE'LL" said henpecked
husband, when told to ''look after the
children, "-''it's all very we'll to tell me
to mind the youngsters; but it would suit
me better If the youngster would mind
me-"
"Phil, my jewel, rs said Pat, "I'm mighty
sorry ye can't dine with me to-day
Sarah, and why can't I dine with ye?'
said the astonished Phil. because my
DEAR" returned Pat, 81 haven't asked We
as yet"
According to the Elmlra Gazette, "a
woman takes her nightcap, looks in the
glass, and jumps into bed; the old man
looks in the glass, takes his 'nightcap
and generally stays up all night" A
distinction with decided difference.
A physician, finding lady reading
Twelfth Night, said EWhen Shake
speare wrote about Patience on monu
ment, did he mean doctors patients?'
'No," she answered; you don't find them
on monuments, but under them"
Mrs. Mackay, wife Of the Bonanzs
king, has over $4,000 worth of jewelry
and when she gets the toothache she suf
tiers just as much as the woman whose
bracelets and diamonds came from the
ninety nine cent Noaristown
Herald.
| The Post Office department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
correspondence of his wife. But this de.
clslon will not prevent man from carry.
ing his wife's letter around in his inside
coat pocket three weeks before mailing
|-NowSstoaon Herald.
"It seems to me-" said customer tc
| his barber, "that in these hard times you
ought to lower your prices for Shawn g.
Cant do it," replied the barber
Nowadays everybody wears such a
long face that We have good deal more
surface to shave over"
A country surgeon, who was bald, was
on visit to a friends house, whose servant
wore wig. After bantering him con-
siderable time, the doctor said, ssYou see
how bald I am, and yet I don't wear q
wig" "True, sir" replied the servant
put an empty barn requires no thatch.'
A man may sheer at woman all he
will because she can't sharpen lead
| pencil, but she has the smile on him
when he stands holding an occupied sus.
pender button in his hand and wonders
if it will hurt less to pull the needle out
Of his thumb the same way it went in, OF
push it on through.
| A little girl visiting neighbor with
her mother was gazing curiously at the
hosts new bonnet, when the owner quer-
led, do you like it, Laura!'' The limo
cent replied. sWhy, mother said it was
| perfect fright, but it don't scare me-"
Laura's mother didn't stay long after
that Norristoson Herald.
A correspondent wants TO known "What
is the singular Of measles?" The spots,
woman, the spots; there's nothing else
singular about measles that we ever heard
OF. And come to think of it, the spots
are generally plural, too. It would be a
poor, feeble measle that couldn't raise
| more than one spot-Haaok-E ye.
This is boys composition on girls
"Girls are the only folks that has their
OWE way every time. Girls is of several
! thousand kinds, and sometime one girl
| can be like several thousand girls if She
wants to do anything. This is all I know
about girls, and father says the less
know about them the better off am.
A lazy physician, who had been out
shooting, on coming home complained
that his luck had been very bad, and
wound up by saying:
II didn't kill anything"
That's because you didn't stay at
home to attent to your Legitimate bust
ness" spitefully retorted his wife.
"Papa, me has been baptize, amt me?''
asked little year-old. Eyes, DEAR"
"Then me won't have to be baptize
again?" "No; but can you remember
anything about being baptized2" 81
dess camp "Well, what did the min
lister do to you?" 'He showed up my
sleeve and stuck knife in nv arm"
(Master Charlie and his family are
spending few days at the house Of that
promising artist, Mrs. Vandyke Browne
Mrs. V. B.: well, Charlie, boy, why are
you looking SO hard at that picture?''
Charlie: why, mamma says that every
time she looks at this picture it makes
her sick, and thought I'd see if it would
me-"
"Do you own any gas stock9" Atom
said to Molecule, while they were dis
cusslng Edison's electric light. ssAny
gas talk?" replied Molecule. "Do own
any? Well, don't know that / own it,
but i" He looked nervously up at
his wife, who was regarding him very in
tently, and asked Atom if he had ever
been IN Omaha.