The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-02-15
NUMBER IS.
PASSING SMILES.

| In this world even our Affections
prove themselves benefits in disguise
The man with wooden leg never claws
around in the dark for half an hour
only to find he has got the left boot on
theI'ght foot.-Phila. Kronikle- Herald.
THE emperor and empress of Germany
announce that at their coming golden
wedding they do not desire any personal
gifts. This is chilling disappointment
We shall have to countermand that
order for solid gold punch bowl.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
A KENTUCKY divine writes to New
York paper; "Your mention of che
minister who prayed If Thou remem-
berest,' ETC., is more than equaled. 1t
was Monday morning prayer-meeting,
and the preacher prayed, Thou hast
seen by the morning papers how the
Sabbath was desecrated yesterday
iF you are too poor TO buy telescope,
but wish to discover planets invisible to
the naked eye, go to the rink, strike out
boldly, and when your blood is up and
heels are also up, look right into the
blue sky, and the planets will come
down and play tag with the end of your
nose.
AN officer from the Aberystwith
Work house was sent up into the mount
aims for one Joseph Mason, a shoemaker
of seventy, who had left his wife
charge on the parish. He found the old
man living in turf hut with an army
of rats that he had tanned and trained,
and they came upon him in such formi
dable battle array that he fled.
A WOMAN lecturer advertises herself in
Providence as q child OF nature, wear
ing the unmistakable crown of genius,
and doing her share in the ever
appointed work of genius, the work of
making the whole world kim She
brings with her the electricity of the
north, the brilliancy of the aurora
borealis, and all who meet her are mag
netiZed.'
THE freight listens on the floor
Tohear the wild winds blow.
Within, the bursting roses burn;
without there slides the snow.
Across the flower sea the fake
Pa y, mirrored, m ystic, slow.
oh, blooms and storms must blush and freeze,
While seasons come and goi
lift the sash--and live, the gale
Genes leaping to my call.
The rose Is but painted one
That hangs upon the wall
.--Efisdbefh Stuart Phelps IN Harpers.
A PENNSYLVANIA debating society,
after discussing the question, " If a
mans wife and mother were both drown
ing, and he could save only one, which
should he saver" decided that he should
save his wife. And we think wrongly;
for, whereas, man can generally get
new wife, he can never have but one
mother.
SMITH has good opinion Of himself
He has never done a stroke Of work, but
lives on Woodworking father. Never
theless he fancies that some credit is
due him for the fortune he enjoys. The
other day, leaning against the mantel-
piece, his back to the fire, he said:
was born the son of poor laborer. Be-
fore was thirty years old ] was the son
of one of the richest menin the country"
WE knew three gentlemen, says
cynical writer, and they were very
agreeable acquaintance. We became
intimate, and considered them friends.
We Endorsed their notes, and lost them
all. Friendship seldom survives pro-
test. Your friend thinks you fool for
indorsing his paper, and you regard him
as knave because he does not pay;
both are right. Moral: have no friends.
THAT was funny notion of one of
the London dramatic critics to buy
couple of hot potatoes to keep his hands
warm -on the way to the opera. On
reaching the theater he popped them
into his pockets and forgot them. Pres
emily he jerked one out with his pocket
handkerchief in the stalls. Of course
he ignored the matter, and pretended he
knew nothing about it. Fancy his feel
ines when an old fellow behind him
picked it up. and politely, handed it to
him, saying, Sir, you have dropped
baked potato"