The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-02-06

his phraseology by saying that we were
accustomed 10 say "going into the count
ry." He thanked me tor this correction.
said he profited by my:leason, and added,
81 will knock into your door when I re-
turn"
How to rise early; Resolve you will,
take long breath, kick of the clothes.
and make bound for the middle of the
room, cold or no cold. Another: The
man who resolves on the subject is lost.
The only way is to quit thinking and
kick off the cover. And finally: All
wrong. The best way is to be SO rich
that you can afford to remain right there
until the weather warns up.
This story comes from the local DEPART
ment of the Arkansas Gazette: "News.
papers pasted on wall in room where
there's sick man are sometimes the cause
of much trouble. To prevent the ia.
tents reading, the papers are generally
inverted. Even this didn't work we'll
for the other day sick man killed him
self by standing on his head attempting
to read an inverted paper pasted up near
his bed.
A woman came to the theatre box
Office in company with child about 10
years of age. II want cin dickct," said
the woman. "Fitty cents,' replied the
affable Elrod. ''You don'd sharge any,
dings for does shild?' "Yes'm-50 cents"
"Vat2 For lcetlc dings like dot?" "Thats
the rule" "V-a-a Il Fcefty cents for a
leetle ding like dot vat amt got no
sensc?" Elrod says it required all his
nerve to refuse pass.-Louisu.le Courier
Journal.
The following style of paragraph seems
to be growing very popular this season
ut IS sad fact that often the witticst
paragraphs arc written while the writer
is suffering the keenest mental or physi-
cal agony and distress. and true laughter
of the public is only the echo of his own
SUFFERING" etc etc etc. All, we'll, that
may he all very true, but if the para
graphcr suffers when he is writing his
funny things, just think how terribly the
poor public suffers when it has to read
| them.
A lady once consulted DR.. johnson on
the degree Of turpitudc to be attached to
her sons robbing an orchard. MADAM
said johnson, ut all depends upon The
weight of the boy. I remember my
schoollellow David Garrick, who was ii
ways little fellow, robbing dozen or
chards with impunity; but the very first
time | climbed up Ill apple tree for
was always heavy boy--thc bough broke
with me, and it was called judgment. !
suppose that is why Justice is represent
cd with a pair of scales!''
| They were sitting in an open buggy on
the cross road, and bounded on one side
by the wood and on the other by an or.
chard. The first he heard was, SHOW
stop, Will; you will muss my hair" He
laughed, and she broke out with "You
don't love me one Bit" The caress he
gave her would have made an anaconda
turn pale, and as she threw up hel head
for breath, he said, I'm strong, eh, girl?'
"Yes, you are; but don't think you arc
as strong as you used to be-" AND
then we felt weak ana left them.
In 1864 the farmer had to pay 20 cents
per pound for his sugar, to-day the same
amount may be bought for less than hall
that sum. If his wife needed q new
calico dress it required 10 cents to buy 6
yard, to-day it requires but six. Delaine.
have fallen from 40 to 10, ginghams from
40 to 8, cheeks from IS to l8, Cantor
1annels from 80 to s, bleached muslin
from IS to ~, brown muslins from IS t.
8. These are only few items in Il Ions
list. Or course the produce which farm
ers raise has fallen too, but not to sucl
an extent az those articles they have Il
buy.--Erchonge.
At an auction sale Of miscellaneous
goods, the auctionecr put up woli-skil
dressing gown and invited bids. An ole
man inspected it closely, seemed TO thinl
that there was a bargain in it, hut yet III
hesitatcd te bid. "Don't you want that?
asked the auctioncer. s'Ycs, kinder,
was the reply. "Thcn why don't go,
bid and take it?' "Wcll, I've Ugh
heaps o. things in dry goods, and so on,
slowly rejoined the old man, land neve
yet took home anything that the old wo
man thought was worth the price. If
got that ere robe for song, she'd grail
it up, pull at one end, chaw at the other
and call out, Cheated again--more'n hal
cotton? That's the reason l dar'n't bid !!