Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-10-12
Wit and HumOr.

|
The man who opens bundle exerts an
undue influence on it.
The proper place for boys to play leap
11og IS on the back stoop.
The blind should go to the Holy Land,
Where even the Dead Sea.
An Indiana carpenter is so temperate
that he will not use spirit level.
1t amt SO much what man kan lift
as what he kan hang onto that shows his
aktual strength.
All the clothes that Adam had for a
long time was the close Of day, while the
mantle Of night was his bed clothes.
'What hit you, Michaelr' "Sure, your
'anner, ittwas that bloody policeman there,
wild his big assegevag.'
| Alfred, your poem must be laid over,
having some minor defects. For instance,
gorge does not rhyme with morgue,
A boy in this town has named his dog
Rome, so that by simply twisting the
animals tail he can make Rome howl.
Two twinbrothers are said to be so
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing it.
"What will the harvest be-" asks an
exchange. Well, just wait till the har-
vest bee crawls up your trowsers' leg, and
you'll find out
| A sable citizen made bet that he
could eat fifty watermelons in fifty hours.
He stalled in on the thirty-sevcnth. They
inscribed on his coffin ''Act. 37.'
An uptown clergyman thinks a man
can 60 to church in hot weather with as
much comfort as he can go to picnic,
and save 1uoney by the operation.
eff you don't quiet that dogs noise OF
nights, I'll" ''Well, what'll you do? :,
was the impudent inquiry. "Why, I'll
that is to say, I'll disembark him.
Hands have they, yet feel notebooks
Legs have they, yet walk not-tables,
Eyes have they, yet see not-needles.
Teeth have they, yet chew not-combs.
A Pulaski boy recently swallowed a
pen-knife. Although not quite out of
danger, he finds some consolation in the
fact that the knife belonged to another
boy.
Student, fresh from college, to conduc-
car" Conductor: 1--WE have no peanut
car; you can take the smoker" Mutual
ly disguised.
An Arab soldier asked leave to visit
the home of his childhood, near one of
the most desirable of the pyramids, MAX
ing it as an excuse that he wanted to
see how his Mame-lukes.
A young clerk in Holyoke spent six
hours in refrigerator, having been i'm
prisoned by mistake. He felt on coming
out as though he had just been entertained
at fashionable church sociable.
A South American plant has just been
found that cures bashfulness. It should
be promptly tried on the man who leaves
the hotel by the back window because he
IS too diffident to say goodbye to the
cashier and clerk.
Speak gently, speak gently; no matter
how much bigger and how much broader
across the shoulders than yourself another
man is, nor how cross he looks, spea
gently. The bigger and broader and Gro.
ser, the gentler.
Customer: "What did you think Of
the bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr..
| Wigsby?' Hairdresser: swell, really,
sir, there was gent sittin' in front o.
me as 'ad is 'air parted that crooked
that I couldn't ear word!"
A colored man observed, while IN con-
versation with friend, II dusn't b'lieve
in having pardener when you've only
got a small business. If yer make emmy
thing, why, yer don't get it, and if yer
lose, yer have to lose 1t ALL"
cav, it IS not to be wondered at" re-
marked MIR. Toplofty, as he adjusted his
eyeglasses, "sea-bathing has grown I'M
| popular, because you see, a,g, the vulgah
herd took to the watah, and it has be-
come vewy much soiled.
A man may go fishing and catch a
handsome string Of fish, and lose them
out of the back of the wagon coming
home, or have them grabbed by the dog
at the house where he left his team, but
he can never tell the story and have it
believed.
The following advertisement appeared
in the Rochester (England Observer OF
June 26: "0n sale, set Of teeth, the
owner having no use for them, having
nothing to chew on account OF hard times.
Apply Z Burgess street, Freehold 971*."
An uptown man when asked last even
! ing 1t he was a member of a certain
church, replied: swell, I dunno; blieve
am a sort of an honorary member of
something. Anyhow, when they have a
donation I always send something along"
AS party Of gentlemen and ladies
we're climbing to the top of high church
tower one hot day, gentleman remarked
"This is rather spiral flight of steps,
To which a lady rejoincd, eyes, perspi-
RAIL- and she wiped her brow as she
spoke.
People have already ceased to wonder
at the telephone, the monograph has
become an old thing, and what the pub
lie demand of Mr.. Edison is machine
that will stand at the kitchen door and
knock the head off the first tramp that
asked for a lemen ice and two kinds OF
cake.
The popularity of the fly is that he al
ways returns to the same spot; but it is
the characteristic Of the mosquito that he
always returns to another spot. Thus he
differs from the leopard, which does not
change his spots. This is an important
fact in natural history.
Glass in the agricultural college.-Pro-
lessor: Is there any way to obtain good
fruit without grating or budding? Stu
dent: Yes sir. Professor: Please cx-
PLAN the process. Student: Watch your
chance, and when the farmer goes to
dinner crawl over into the orchard and
steal it.
Julius, yo' young wagram, hez yer
bin ter chu'ch dis mornin'?" "Deed, I