Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-07-03
Current HumOr.

An ancient way of rocking a man to
sleep was stoning him to death.-Neao
Orleans Picoyune
If the planets ever have to give to
each other a lift, how much will the
sun rays?-NeV York Meas.
The Postage stamp, says the New Or
leans Pacoyt'oe, knows Its place after it
has oeen once licked.
The free lunch levels rank Nev Or
leans Pic0yune. If you mean the butter,
say so.-Boston Post.
Verdict of the New York police re-
garding the murdered Mrs. Hull" 1t
was the cat. '-BufaLo Egpress.
"And the iron entered my sole,"
said Grayhead, as he pulled the tack
out of the bottom of his slipper.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
This country will now have to begin
to import missionaries. We under
stand that some one has invented a
cheap hand-Organ that will only play
one tune Wheeling Sunday Leader.
Now the swell in style arrayed
GOeth forth to promenade,
But willis meath the fervor of the sunbeam's
glance,
And SO do his collars and his jacket and his pants
-YORkers Gazette.
"Stand up aid tell the truth like a
little bell punch" is the latest addition
to the phraseology of slang.
A Rhode Island Sunday-school SUI
perintendent, last Sabbath, in touch
ing missionary address,, told the child
rem that away out west, lar, far in Hi
inois and Iowa and Nebraska, there
were people who had never been to
calm bake. And when the contribution
box went around after that the nickels
refined into it until it weighed a tom
Burlington HaaOkeye.
Even so able an author as James
Russell Lowell didn't consider it be-
meath his dignity to invent a conun-
drum. His canundrum is quoted every
summer. "What," he asks, "what is so
rare as day in June?" The answer is
well, it is too long to print here. And.
besides, it is poetry-Norrito1Op Herald.
This is the view taken of it by an in
FAINT of St. Joseph, Mo: Little Freddie
was undergoing the disagreeable opera
ton Of having his hair combed by his
mothers and he grumbled at the man.
euver. "Why, Freddie" said mamma,
"you ought not to make such fuss. |
don't fuss and cry when my hair is
combed," 'but your hair amt hitched
to your head-Horper's Magazine.
Mr.. SpurgeOn recently told this anec-
dote as he gave but an anthem. A
high churchman and Scotch Presbyte-
rian minister had been at the same
church The former asked the latter if
he did not like the "introits." He re-
piled: Il don't know what an introit
is" Said the churchman, "But did you
not enjoy the anthem?" He replied:
mo, did not enjoy it at ALL" ~ am
very sony said the churchman ''be-
cause it was used in the early church;
in fact, it was originally sung by David"
"Ah" said the Scotchman, "then that
explains the Scripture. | can under
stand now, if David sung it at that time,
why Saul threw his javelin at him."
This was followed by lound peal of
laughter, when Mr.. Spurgeon said:
"Now, let US sing the anthem"
A minister, who has written book
against dancing, gives this description
of ball: "Just look at them. There,
CiO'oOCo III a. 0duiC, 10 % HI ioIdSii~u
gentleman, holding a piece of wood to
his shoulder and frantically drawing
poor horse hair over the dried viscera
of dead feline, shouting vociferously
incoherent sounds, the meaning of
which must be guessed at, while men
and women are mostly jumping up and
down, scOlding, laughing, shouting,
coughing, wheeling, bowling, smiling,
frowning. winking, blinking, pushing,
pulling, sweating, rushing, laundering,
rumbhng, tramping and stamping until
the body is exhausted and the lungs cry
for air." This may all be true, but ust
think of the splendid exercise it must
be and how the muscles of the legs,
arms, tongue, eyes, nose and mouth are
called into action.
son with the dance,
Let joy be uncontned where youth and pleasure
meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet"