Stevens County tribune. (Morris, Minn.) 1877-1880, 1879-04-24
Wit and HumOr
Gas makers get light pay.


Gas, makers get light pay.
A lost star: Asailor over board.
Do lions ever rest on their roars2
An upstart: Beginning to prosper.
A blamed fool: A censured noodle.
Never look gift mule in the hind
foot.
The hangman's business is dropping
off.
People OF settled convictions: Prison
ere.
Deuteronomy as you have Onomy deu-
ter you.
To make your color lsst-make your
shirts first.
A money order: Commanding a re-
mittance.
Taken ill: Invalids who sit for pho
tograph.
Does travelling orator deliver a
rambling discourse9
When corner loafer dies in Tennessee
the papers say: Another old landmark
gone.
A stationary engine is common sight,
but did you ever see rolling mill or a
walking beam9
A person who wears a liver pad may
be supposed to have what the Dutchman
calls pad liver.
The man who sighed for the wing of a
dove probably did not know that the
legs were much better eating.
A Western lawyer il cluded in his bill
against his client: 40 waking up at
night and thinking about your case, So
When the flower OF the family is out
on an evening racket it's bad case OF
the night blooming serious.-New York
Ne,os.
A country exchange, in speaking of an
accident to valuable horse, says that
the owner was obliged to shoot her to
save her life"
A competent authority says you must
lie with your feet to the equator. Eli
Perkins and G. Alfred Townsend will
please take notice of this.
Solomon was the first man to suggest
parting the hair in the middle. The sug.
gestion was made totwo wemen in fam.
Gus lawsuit-Nes York World.
A gentleman who was trying to think
of the word Universalist, but could not
get hold Of it at the moment, exclaimed
why, he is one of these desulphurizers I
Distinguished divine Ito recent con.
verD: ave propose to baptize you by
the Turkish bath method. It is really
the only way to scrub your years ofsin out
of you"
Let man pull straw out of hay
NOW. at Leadville to pick his teeth With
and tic first thing he hears is: "Say
you thief, did you know hay was worth
| 5000 ton around here?7
"You are nothing but a demagogue. ,
said tipsy fellow to Tom Marshall, who
promptly paid him back: Put wisp
of straw around you, and you will be
nothing but a demijohn."
Now shut up your hens. Don't lei
them out till they can be of service
Wait till your neighbor has planted bis
garden, when they will be found excel
lent helps in bringing things to the sur
face.
"When do you intend to go back
Mike?" asked one exile of another. I'll
live till / doye, and God knows wheth.
er I will or not, 1 intend to visit ou.6
Ireland once more before 1 lave this
country"
Keokuk Constitution: Mamma, is
Sahara pastry cooke" asked little Con.
cert street girl this morning. Why de
you ask such question, my child2" BE.
cause I hear them talk SC much at schoo
about Sahara's desert"
A retired milkman sent his son to trav
ell, telling him to take nstes and write
home what he saw. He crossed Span.
ish river dry shod. and wrote: at would
be impossible to carry on the milk bust
ness in this part of the country"
Although poet may speak in glowing
terms of laying the exequial coronet Of
hope on the platitudinal immobility Of
the nightingale, yet, at the same time
he is not totally blind to the silent virtues
of the fve-cent mammoth sandwich
She leaned her fair, blonde head fond.
ly upon his shoulder, and after she had
felt in his pocket to see if he had new
silk handkerchief, she whispered: "Will
you love me always9" "Yes, always"
"What. alwayA2' "Well almost always
Or course no woman ever did such q
thing, but supposing now for the sake
OF argument, as it we're, that woman
was to go to church for the purpose of
showing of her new sacque, would it be
sac-religious, so to speak Boston Irav-
eller.
sWhat is the right time to go to bed9''
is question under discussion by med
ical association in Vermont. We have
very little medical knowledge, but we
should think when you can't stand up
any longer is about the proper time
Hasokeye.
Two darkics were Wanting their cour-
age. II isn't feared o. nothin,, / isn't
said one. "Den, Sam, reckon you isn't
feared to loan me q dcllahf" mo
Julius, isn't feared to loan you dollab
but I does hate to part wild an ole fren
forebber.n
Not many miles from Oil City once
stood wayside inn, up to which one
day drove two thirsty travellers. Shave