The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-08-29
Items.

Ceuse
The elephant is the frs. traveller of the
season to have his trunk covered with can
vas.
Seaside mosquitoes are now looking over
the hotel register to see what rooms are
taken.
In Lapland dead human bodies are
frozen hard This is kind of ice crema-
tion.
Now that the thunder storm season has
arrived, the reckless small boy is more
prompt at prayers.
An exchange has just discovered that
the phrase Excuse haste and bad pen
was the parting salute of runaway pig.
"A cotemporary knows man over inc.
ty years of age who hasn't a gray hair on
his head-nor one of any other color.
-'Jemima Susan, did you get my let
ter?' Yes, Dick 4 sent in hopes Of rais-
ing fame Richard you succeeded, for
it lit the gas.
In carving turkey in the presence of
strangers it is a breach of etiquette to stop
more than twice to spit on your hands and
take new hold.
About this time you may see men in
their shirt-sleeves, sitting on pazzas, and
swearing at mark. The mark is the Their
mometer.
The first ordination of a Chiuaman to
the Protestant Episcopal ministry in the
United States took place in San Francisco
recently.
What is the worst side of naval war
fare /? asked a school teacher. The broad
| sde,' replied the boy in the back seat. He
went up head.
An Irishmsn has always an answer for
any thing. A Corkonian, on being asked at
break fast how he came by that black eye,
said that he slept on his fist
The disappearance of the silver three
cent piece is unregretted, except on Sum
day morning, when monty for the church
collection is wanted.
1t WAS the rustling of the skirts of fair
ones on the stairs on their way to a military
ball in war time, that originated the song
The Camp Bellies are Coming
"A little girl, to whom her father ex-
planned that bantam chickens might be re-
cognized by their feather stockings, wanted
to know if the hens wore garters.
Sara Bernhardt is by no means stout,
still this does seem to be a little exaggerated:
An empty carriage drove up to the door,
| and Sara Bernhardt dismounted from it.
| tes Court, municipal bonds are held to be
good against the city issuing them, which is
compelled to levy taxs to discharge them.
The Rochester man who got his foot
| tangled up 10 saw mill and broke twenty
eight hundred dollars worth of machinery
should confne himself to agricultural pur-
suits.
MIR. Huxley says the plesiosaurus is es.
| pecially distinguished by its powerful jaw,
| but it Is due to the community to state that
this assertion was made before he was mar
| ried
-Amherst's reputation is not without
| foundation. 1t is said that one fourth of
| all the missionaries sent our to foreign ccun-
| tries by the American board are Amherst
| College graduates.
| The Czar of Russia makes nearly $55,-
900 day out of his position, and when he
knocks off in the middle of the day to go
out and play base ball or see horse race
he isn't docked cent.
When man has sat up till midnight
writing poetry and goes home with his soul
stiame with inspiration, nothing. pleases
him so much as to get in bed and find that
the baby has been eating cracker there
"A young man may do a great many
foolish things, but he will never wear pair
of white pantaloons to picnic but once.
He will never forget the large amount of
fun he didn't have on the first occasion.
Bangor, Me-, has been settled one hun.
dred and ten years, and has been city for
forty years, but the mayor elected there
recently is the first native of that city who
has been chosen to fill the mayors chair.
| "A Providence boy started to school on
the opening day of the term, and before he
had gone five blocks from home he had
lamed a dog, lost his geography, scared a
horse, broke his slate, and had three
fights.
Baron, the singer, is of such unusual
height, that when he went, the other day,
in Paris to consult a doctor about a severe
cold in his head, the ply sician said MY
; friend, you must have got your feet wet last
year."
Two sophomores enter horse car the
J first takes the only vacant seat
and the second sits on his lap.
Presently a young lady enters, and the
second soph, rising, says, Take my seat
4 madam Fact.
"A Springfield butcher was invited tn,
' other night to attend a minstrel show, bu
S positively declined, even when free ticket
, WAS offered him. When pressed for the
reason he replied If should go should
see so many people who owe me for mea
b that it would spoil all my fun
There's our jeremiah said Mr.. Shell
ton, he went off to make his own living by
Il his wits Well, did he succeed p inquired
t friend. No said the old man with a sigl
}. and significantly tapping his head, he fail
. ed for want of capital
- What do you charge a quart for you
milk here p asked man, as he put hi
. head at the door of a milk shop. 'Eigh
cents was the reply. Amt you got an
for seven cents p No. said the proprietor
but he added, Eve can soon make yo,
, some.
" The other day a would-be fash ionabl
q lady called at a neighbor's at what sh
r thought would be supper time. Come in.
\. said the neighbor; we are having a tabiedu
Ia Il am so glad said the visitor. / though
y | smelt 'em, and like them better than any
Is thing for late supper.
nfl 1T is whispered that if American manu-
facturers have been more honest than the
British brethern in the matter of loading
l. cottons, it is because they didn't know ho
rather than because they didut want Il
H. And it is further whispered that they ha,
at last learned how.
"a One of the customers in a barber's sho
~ sees dog of ungainly aspect sitting opp
u site intently watching him. Why, do
that dog look at me so? why, sir, o
n- casionally my hand slips, and am so u
,at fortunate as to snip off bit of ear 'El
= and what then p why, then he eats it,
lone of the Chicago rectors of the r
cts formed Episcopal Church announces th
90 henceforth Sunday sermons will be furnish
VI Sunday evening in twenty minutes. v
re irain from giving the name of the chur