The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-11-25

DuG just tolerated III good sOcloty.'
said he.
He slipped on her finger a 81 900 dia-
ring. "Remember, that | am but II
| poor man." said no.
81 care not" said she. "You are
good and noble, and those are quail
tics better tl,an wealth."
| GoRaEoUs swell, who has just enter
cd the restaurants; "HaI waitaw,
where's the carte, aw--the menu |? All,
very we'll. Wine list, eh ? Is the Cha
teau Margeaux to be relied on, wait
aw2" Waiter-"Yes, sir; yes, sir"
G. S.-"Not 80 bad bill of fare. l
see you've got quail on toast and peri
Waitcr-"Bcst in the city, STRIP G. S.
-"Well -ah-l believe you may give
me ah-a cup of coffee" Exit waiter
in disgustcd procession Of one.
A 70 year old maid, who was quite ~
IN Johnstown, told tho doctor she had
never been hugged by a man in her
life, and asked for one kiss. The gal
liant doctor complied with the request,
of course, and she got we'll, When the
doctor got home and told his story to
his wife, ho got-well, he is balder
thar he was. This Is true tale.
| "lIowDY, this morningp" says all ac-
quaintancc to fat citizen, who Is
blowing and stcaming with great speed
nlong the sidewalk. "'Training for a
walk?" "No," puffs the fat citizen,
turning his bulging eyes neither to the
right or left; "I'm walking for a
train.''
| "GOUR American dinners are rev.
elation," said an English tourist as he
sat down to table well garnshed
with green corn and watermelon.
That night he dreamed of more curious
things than ST. John saw In the Isle Of
Patmos.
| SHE made the clerk tumble over all
the stockingsin the store, and objected
81 want" she said, "the longest hose
that arc made" 'Then, madam" =" was
the reply, "you had better apply at tho
next cngine-house."
| LEMONADE, according to an Ohio ply
sician, has twenty-one different az.
tions on the system, while soda water
has only four.-.The cucumber has an
even ninely-nlnc, all III different direc-
tions.
AN lnquIsitive young lady asks:
NV nat Is the most popular color for
the bride - The New York ,Star ans
wcrs; 1--we were going to marry we
should prefer white one.
"WHoM can we trustsh is the black
type inquirng of an exchange. 1t is
| OF no consequence. "Whom can we
induce to trust us2 20 Is the soul ago
niZer.
| TIE difference between self-made
man and self-madc woman Is ten old
papers, four hair switches, ninety eight
hair-pins and pretty littlo box labeled
face powder.
kEILoGG's singing Is described as
driftwood floating in stream; it
draws on the bars, and yet doesn't
amount to dam,
a RELIGIOUS wag in a Fairfield pray
cr-mcctin' ntsy prayed for the ab-
sent me Who were PROSTATE on
beds ess and chairs of we'll
| ness,
"l'll join you presently" said the
minister to the young couple, as he
went for tho church key.
ut is castor 10 raise beard than
raise dima," said young Oil citizen,
who has stopped shaving
| BARNUM ought to be successful poll
tician. Ie could make good show
conducting a canvass,
| lT is wise schoolmaster who en-
ploys cuffs to take tho starch out of
his scholars.
WHEN people arc killed by an over
dose of opiates isn't it laudan'um to the
skies,
Samson was a strong man, yet we
doubt If he was able to lift big mort
gage.
Now Is good time to bluff the pub
tic Tor bet on next wfnter's ice crop,
MODERN axiom--No house ia COM
plcte without woman and a mouse,
YOUNG man may sow his wild oats, -,
but he never can sew his corns.
~ YACHT can stand on tack without
swearing. a man can't.
FAIRIES in the ballet always patron
lie the wings.
THE route to the coal bin is a hod
road to travel.
| SCISSORS makers always do things by
halves.
ONLY aqucstion of timc-Asking the
hour.
~ GAME lcg--a haunch Of vonison.
Striking Obiects-Clocks-
a WISE DEACON.-"DeacOn Wilder,
want you 10 tell me how you kept
yourself and family well tile past sea-
son, when all tho rest Of us have been