The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1879-06-20
ODDS avn ENDS.


Don't sit down ON the spur Of DE
moment.
A wife in the house Is worth two u
the street.
A walking mattel, ~ 4 ie~'s Is shg-
gested, open to all tram.
Crawling through AT hole might
be called trip through g.iaw WY
The nimble-footed ,neie j. used as
the light fantastic TOW for canal bt'at.
Cholera Is out OF reach d flse poor
with cucumbers at fifty cents dozen.
He sued her for her l'and b+fefe mar.
riage, and her hand se~rd for him af'
ter.
Wonder If the cattle 4 'lle 'I,onsand
Ills had the epizootic o. tie IbeOf Dis
easel
A little girl said 10 her sist's She
was 50 tainted they couldn't come her
to-"
| In sitting for picture. he I+r@en
who winks at the camera gels rrlsiY
in the negative.
The diminutive hen-fruit seen ia mat
ket is another evidence tlIat the egg
size law is not enforced.
'You are beneath my n,sicr," ~ tlie
balloonist said to the receding crowd Of
gaping citizens.
I aThere's music in the heir moaned
the young husband, as he reached for
the paregorie bottle.
"Madam," said tramp OF coiisge
, Hill, g would you give an old pair Of
pants, for I'm near starvin' TO as-ash {
No one knows how much comfort
person can take smoking IN bel until
he has tried it and called out the ire
department
. Eve was the first and we reck,u The
only woman who did not gather ~. her
dress in both hands and yell Al the
sight Of 3 snake.
The man who untertook to ink
4 thousand postage stamps in il''a'sas'sl
. minutes gave ont on his seven hn,-l'rrlth
lap. He says be would rather Iirk ti,e
postmaster general.
"This is sad commentary on aat
boasted civilization" as the tram, les-
is pondently observed when he fonn.i ont
3 that the ham he had taken from The
E, front Of store was wooden
It Some men never lose their pIe~eI,ea
d Of mind. In New York man ihsew
N his mothsr-in-law out Of windo~ IN
e. the fifth story of burning building
7, and carried feather bed down stairs ~
u his arms.
OF e1,..,,t.e-. 49, !.
Y king. When the editor goes out riding
= In his open barouche drawn by four
"a =, milk-white steeds he Is never shot \: by
- - a socialist. You have probably renlas <
= ed this yourself
- About the poorest PinafOre j.ke
~ = of all was tried by Miss Anthony. Il
- shall never marry !" said the ls.is,
vs sternly. "What, never r exclaimed
ON the gentleman to whom she was talk
~ ing. i" Now you go right away from
,ur here" replied the lady with great vio
Ience, "or I'll hit you with my um
he brella-"
in A woman may revel in silks an'
NO satins she may make her beauty re
So splendent with diamonds and opalss 81,
in NAV attire herself in the most dellcali
the of eolors until she looks sweeser thai
the the burst of dawn paradise but 3
the the same tiIne she viii cOniescena :
of tie her hair up with the fag end Of
ind pair of superantuated penny shO
J or strings.
on A gentleman whe once called at th
nee rooms of Senator Sumner in Washing
and ton, was told by his young negro Sc
lew want: a Massa Sumner, he gene to 4
leir Senate to make him speech. Wha
iza- speech r. asked the gentleman, IN su
cor prise. ''Why, dat AZ speech he's bee
late hollering out in bed ebery morning {
for free weeks
ana He was Chinaman slightly over Il
new bay, and he rushed into Blake sire
the saloon excitededly, rushed up to the b
lsnt and cried "Whiskee cockeetaille
me, alec samee Mclean man. II
bar-keeper arranged the mixture Al
handed it out, and the Chinaman, Pou
, of ing it down, started for the door, shot
land ing: sPutee down on slatee, alec saE
wife Melican man" And long before {
in bar-keeper could get hold Of club, I
IT or Celestial was seen no more Of men.