Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1879-02-18


dear, what kind Of a stone do you
suppose they will give me when ]
die?" "Brimstone." she said.
A sailor out Of the rigging
OF ship OF war. some fifteen or TWEEN
ty feet. and fell plump on the head OF
the fret lieutenant. Wretch" raid
the officer after he had gathered him
self up, where did you come from?"
"An' sure, an I came from the North
OF Ireland yer homer"
An Irishman, newly engaged, pre-
aented 20 his master one morning q
pair Of boots, the leg OF one Of which
was longer than the other How
comes 10, you rnacnl, that the leg Of
one Of these boots Ia longer than the
other?" II really don't know, cir;
tut what botbers me most Is that the
pair down stairs Ii In the same fix"
Young man, devoted to, and expresa
" manufactured for, society, clasping
liis head In agony; "Ah. by Jove,
how my head achet!" Awfully, by
Jove!" Sympathyzing friend student
IN Farmers dental room: "Oh, you
had better have II pulled;" then after
thoughtful psuee, "or filled"
In San Augustine County, Texas.
when n gentleman desires 10 eacort q
lady to church, he writes her as follows:
Compliments Of Mr.. - to M'ss
--: respectfully solicit the pleas
ure Of escortipg your corr oral system
across the alluvIal landscape that lies
between your fathers b0spitable dom
icile and the sanctuary OF God, there
TO hear the expounding Of the Scrip
lures"
The maiden replies; ~ will with
pleasure allow you the exquisite beat.
itude OF esc0rting my corporal system
over the space Of ground intervening
between my parental domicile and
the divine worship when the diurnal
orb OF day shall have sought his laal
resting place behind the occidental
hills ?
As All illustration of the custom Of
carrying six>Shooters In West Texas,
The Dallas Herald relates the follow
ing; "hta bFptizing there n short
time since Of fourteen persons. fifteen
revolyers we're drawn out and laid on
the banks Of the stream, che extra
one belonging to the officiating cler-
lyman. While there sins were be.
ing washed away they were very
careful TO keep their powder dry
"1'his Is an ice morning." said
Pericles to Alcibiades, with grave
smile. 'Yaasp" replied Aleibi with
a grin of triumph, ''and that's snow
name for III" And then they shook
hands and haw.hawed over II I'LL they
eried-jus, as II they had not read
the puns long before In the tattered
joke books Of the Laccdemonians.
A thrifty father took his son to a
doctor. III you can cure him for
less than the funeral expenses, said
he, "go ahead; but IL you cant,
Sonny'll have to take his chances.
Some years ago the great West was
almost entirely dependent upon the
East for machinery and shop TOOLS
To-day the West makes nearly every.
thing required in the machine shop,
from the engine and boiler to the
twis, drill and smallest bench tool.
A man will 90 to the grocer and
buy a barrel OF -four without presum.
ing to dictate to the tradesman what
kind OF wrapping paper he shall usei
bu, the same man will subscribe for a
newspaper IN the belief that his sub.
scripiion fec bought the editor, body
and soul.
We see that a man In Connecticut
was killed the other day, while trying
10 "board freight train" There is
reason In all these things. No doubt
when tho mau took the freight train
TO board he gave II sslaratus buiscuit,
we coffee and ,trung butter for break.
fast, and tough mutton three times =
vsel for dinner, TIL w a ht OF dys.