The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-08-29
WIT AND HUMOk.

IT is one of the curious things of the
world that a male hair-dresser often
dyes an old maid.
If you don't want to shuttle off this
mortal coil in hurry, avoid playing
with pack of mules.
WHEN is a Chinese the most like a
vegetable? Why, when queue cum
bers his head, of course.
Ii doesn't take schoolboy long to
evince love for division, provided an
other boy owns the apple.
WHAT is the difference between a
wether and an imperial? One is he
goat and the other goatee.
Two negro boys had a butting match
in Greenville, n. c., and one of them
butted the other into eternity.
WHAT is the difference between n we'll
bred man and confusion of ideas? One
is gentleman and the other is mental
jam.
A JEwELER advertises that he has
some precious stones for disposal, adding
that "they sparkle like the tears of q
young widow"
A LITTLE girl, after profound refec-
ton, sitting in her little chair by the
fire, asked: Mamma, how does step
mother Walk"
WHY is ton of coal like a popular
actor who delays appearing before an
impatient audience of 1900 persons?
Because it makes twenty hundred
weight.
| hat
girl is a fshing-rod; the eyes are the
hook, the smile the bait, the lover the
gudgeon, and marriage the butter in
which he is fried.
MAaIsTRATE-"You are charged with
having emptied basin of water over
the plaintiff" 'Irishwoman-"S yer
homer, you must forgive me; in the
dark took the gintleman for me hus-
band"
The child probably destined to be
the greatest of American naturalists is
already born. He lives in Tennessee,
and is the author of the remark that "a
jackass is the only animal that winks
with his ears"
To CALCULATE the entire cost of a
trip to the top of Mt. Washington, you
have merely to summit up" remarks
witty individual. We presume, how
ever, it would answer the same purpose
to foot it up.
A BUSY man at Columbus, Ohio,
keeps a photograph ready for use in
his office, and, when anybody begins to
tell him long story, he says, Just
talk into the instrument, and I'll listen
to it by and by"
WIT from French Bohemian attic:
Jeanne did you divide your paper of
chocolate with your brother?" Yes,
certainly, mamma; I ate the chocolate
and gave him the motto-he is so fond
of reading, you know"
Ma" said little girl, "do men
want to get married as much as the
women do?" "Pshaw; what are you
talking about ?" why, ma, the ladies
who come here are always talking about
getting married; the men don't"
GOOD For uue il a tickle sprite,
Wao loves not long with thee to stay;
She smooths thy brow with fingers light,
Then kisses thee and fits away.
Bad Fortune on the other hand,
Would fold thee in fond embrace
Would TO low thee from land to land
THE proprietor of Scotch hotel in
forms commercial gentlemen and
tourists" that they can rely on comfort
able accommodations at his establish
ment, and that Carriages and other
conveyances, including a frst-class
country hearse, are kept for hire"
THE DREssMAKER's LOVER.
Only this one dear boon ask
That you will give me your a dress,
That in your smiles yet may basque,
And gain new life at each caress.
The bushes mantle on your cheeks;
Deny me not. it's dread foulard:
I've pressed my suit for days and weeks,
Aud sent you letters by the yard.
Oft at your feet I've knelt and braid.
But you have cut me short and square;
1t lace with you-but I'm frayed
You will not make up to me fair.
It's sashy pale has grown my face,
Though all things look most navy blue;
I'll collar mine, or will face
Whatever evils may ecru.
ApRINCIPAL of Vassar College stepped
suddenly into one of the recitation
rooms, and said: "That person who is
chewing gum will please step forward
and put it on the desk" The whole
school stepped forward with one accord
toward the desk, while the teacher
slipped her quid beneath her tongue.
and said Ideally, guls, I'm surprised!"
oil City Derrick.
A FEMALE representative of Erin, with
a market basket on her arm, paused at
the counter of an egg merchant, and,
after pricing some of his stock, asked if
they were good. They're nothing elsc,"
answered the man blandly. Then she
rolled out dozen or two of them, took
up one, broke it and threw it away, then
another, and another. what do you
mean ?" exclaimed the astonished
dealer, arresting her in the act of smash
ing the last egg. "Manel" she said,
didn't yez tell me they were good?
Bad luck to We, then, how should know
it unless I be after thryin' thim?"