Stevens County tribune. (Morris, Minn.) 1877-1880, 1879-05-22
Facts and Fancies.

Il ivy ing AhuoO SO'
Genius stands on bad footing. 1t is
never we'll heeled.
When a mans head is turned, of course
it must be block-head.
The fellow who wrote. "Oh, ask me
not Again." must have been full.
Umatilla Indian. Certainly you may
till Indian, but you never can cultivate
him.
An admirer of Ben Butler says, as q
leader he is one in a hundred. Bermuda
Hundred?
A soft answer turneth away wrath,
but it is not worth one cent to ward off a
broom-stick.
The Danbury News man has written
six books, and thousands of his readers
are dead, but he is alive.
The happiest moment of BARRIERS life
is when he is boring out your eye with
his forefnger fortified behind wet towel.
The Picayune says the man who takes
every kind of patent medicine offered has
an inquiring mind, though of a very poor
quality.
In the lexicon of youth, it is said, there
is no such word as fail; but that is where
the |. 0. Y. differs materially from mer-
chantile reports.
| The Tom Paine memorial hall in Bos-
ton, is badly in debt, and there is no
Kimball to raise it. Send for Ingersoll.
Detroit Free Press.
| The man who has never been kicked by
a mule has yet something to learn, though
he may have dozen di plomas from as
many colleges saying his education is com
plete.
| Adolph to Araminta, on their way to
church-"How would 1 were the pray
er-book you clasp so lovingly" Reply
Chow I would you were, for then could
shut you up"
In some cities every loaf of bread has
its weight stamped on it to indicate its
value; but if every loafer bred in this
town had weight stamped on him, he
would be suppressed.
"Another bungling execution" You
knoW-great mpathy-sherifs ought to
be more careful-poor fellow-nothing
said about the way he stole into house
and chopped up two old people.
The thermometer went ten degrees be-
low Charles Francis Adams Sunday
morning.-Rome Sentinel. Wait for the
heated term and it will be climbing up in
the neighborhood of Dennis Kearney.
GLOW to reduce gas bills" is the head
:, ing Of an article in the Buffalo Egpress.
A very good way is for the old people to
retire at an early hour, leaving their
daughter in the parlor entertaining her
young man.
!, Talk about women bowling for their
''rights p Where you'll find ten men talk
; ing about woman's rights you won't find
one woman, because the ten men will be
sitting on deal boxes splitting against the
grocer's stove.
'That dog looks more intelligent than
his MASTER" said Mrs. Mic, as she and hel
husband passed huntsman and hound on
, the roadway. Evidently" returned G
o., che is man of but one idea, while
the dog is a creature of two wide-ears, al
: least"
Gold has been discovered at Menomo
nee, Mich, just across the line of Wiscon
4 sin, and there is ''great excitement" The
dispatch, however, does not state the de
nomination, and the public is left in thu
) dark as to whether it is alive, ten or TWEEN
ty dollar piece.
; When we read in an exchange that "al
communications to this paper should b.
written in a full clear hand, !" we silently
. smile as the probable chirography of thu
editor of that sheet rises up in the imagi
nation in the chaotic form of Chimes,
nuZzle strl1ck nv lightning
IL We don't object to young people ex
/ tracting all the pleasure possible as the,
r Journey through life. But young mel
e with $6 salaries can't be expected to at
tend more than three dances week, ant
have much money left to put in the con
I tribution box Sunday morning
:; "Those horried beans again" quoth John,
II As home he came to. grub
why must you ever patronize
That weakness of the 'Hub?"
!. IT'S goodness, my DEAR" said she,
THAT wins me to them SO,
III If we wonld ever godly be-
! We must bean-eat, you know"
Eyes" sighed the young man, as h,
, felt painfully for the moustache tina
! ought to have been there; eFinsby is on
of my most particular friends. He is 5,
: particular that he growls if lend him
!, trade dollar, and wants me to consider i
! loan of a ninety five cents. He is my mos
: particular friend"
/. On his first trip down the sound, MI
t Smiley said he slept but little, the gun
4 vale of the boat SO touched his feelings
4 and when he looked over into the water
v the tafrail-ed at him, making the who'll
Journey very unpleasant The old gen
tleman doesn't want any more sea rolls
they don't set well on his stomach, an,
every time the boat pitched he though