St. Landry democrat., 1879-08-23
q1aiss And 3l1hims.

~"
Necessity may he the mother of in
vention, but laziness is certainly the
father of it.
-" You follow the legal profession, l
believe, sir?' Lawyer pompous: " No,
sir, lead it." :
PUCK says that a man learning TO
play the cornet interests all his neigh
bors-in horn.
Summer heat has the effect of MAX
ing people in One place want to 60 10
some other place. !.
An English sporting nobleman last
year paid bill of 81, ,OOO for medical ST.
tendance upon his pack of hounds.
Have you ever thought how kind
t is of the average murderer to forgive
everybody before he is swung off?
Brown: "Can you break nee s.
bill 2" Jones " I should like to break
it, but unfortunately I'm broke myself
..Grandma: "Yes, children, when ]
was young as you are I used to walk in
my Sleep" Tommy eagerly: "oay,
grandma. what time did you make?"
-" In the bright complexion of youth
We have no such werd a pale, " and she
reached for the rouge"box with tie
clutch of an angel. -:
The law prohibiting opium smoking
in Nevada, under penalty of $1,000
fine or two years' imprisonment, went
into effect the 1st of May.
I'm order to have the words Para
graphers'- Association convey their full
significance, they should be joined tbS
gether with high-fun. !.
-" Don't you mean to marry again,
deacon Jones p asked widow Simpkins.
"No," groWled he, "ld rather loee
what ribs I've got than take any more.."
"A bursting soda water fountain killed
a North Carolina man few days ago.
Young women, beware how you lead
young men up to loaded soda fountain.
When you come right down to
"sounds of industry" hoy, a club and
an old tin pan can do as much business
as six carpenters working on a new
house.
When boy scrspes little skin of
his knuckles while aawing wood for his
mother, he makes more ado about it
than when he knocks his big toe-nail
of in running to fire. This is reliable.
Now the swell in style arrayed
Goeth forth to promenade,
But willis meath the te1vor OF the sunbeam
glance,
And so do his collars and his jacket and his
pants.
AN Albany girl was frightened into
commissions by brass band, and died
Usually the results of such infections
are not fatal, but tend to produce bad
language and insanity.
Speak of mans marble, and he
will glow with conscious pride; but
allude to his marble head, and he's mad
in a minute. Language is slippery
thing to fool much with.
"A North Carolina widower has been
arrested while attempting to sell Get
of false teeta belonging to his deceased
wife's estate, to procure funds for the
purchase of suit in which to marry a
second wife.
"A young man, the other day, got
married against the wishes of his parents,
and, requestine friend to break it to
them, said: "Tell them I am dead, old
fellow, and gently work them up to the
climax"
"A little Waterloo sunday>schcol
miss was asked by her teacher: Whs
must people Ito in order to so to
heaven?" "Die, l suppose" re-
Piled the little one. The teacher
didn't question her any further.
"A lady who had had much expert
ence in teaching both boys and girls,
speaking of the extraordinary obtuse-
ness of certain pupil, said: SIN
physiology class, this young lady OF ff>
teen inc nired, with languid surprise, rs
there not straight passage through the
head from one ear to the other "a
somewhat natural conclusion" the
teacher comm mented dryly, /" II she ever
the processes of her own mind"
{ Which would you prefer teaching"
.sked visitor, tboys or girls ?" " Boys,
infinitely" was the prompt reply. "No
,oy, for instance, would ever have asked
uch question as that. He would long
,efore have investigated the subject
With lead pencil, Not, probably, in
lis own cars" she sdd1d, meditatively,
but in his younger brother's''-
scribner for July.