The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-06-05
HUMOROUS,

He WANTED SOME ."-On
a train coming east over the Central
Road the other day was Californian
bound for New Jersey, and the train
had scarcely left Chicago behind when
he stopped the conductor and said:
con which side of the cars can l
best see the mountains?''
The conductor told him that there
were no mountains along the route, and
the man Indignantly replied:
What in blazes did you build the
road for? What do you suppose Pm
travelling for? This must be one
horse road If it don't takeih at least one
mountain!''
He cooled down after a while, but In
half an hour he tackled the brakeman
with the query:
"Does this road pass by any old ruins
of lnterestP''
The brakeman couldn't remember
any ruins except an old log house here
and there, and the Californian was mad
in minute.
Do you think l shipped on this
road rs freight or live stock ?" he called
out. Z" If you don't run past any old
ruins why don't you say so on your
time-cards, and rot be dcceiving pco-
ple?"
When the conductor next came along
the Californian was looking from the
window to catch sight Of the bridges,
and he turned and said:
III we come to any bridges over
eight hundred feet long just give me
the word. L don't care about seeing
any shorter ones"
The conductor had to admit that the
road was trying to get along with few
short bridges, and the passenger bobbed
around In his seat and replied:
What did you build your old road
for? If you haven't any long bridges
on the line why didn't you hunt for a
new one?'
About thirty miles west Of Detroit
the Californian caught sight Of a lake
afar oil, and going out on the platform
he asked the brakeman:
" Don't we run along the shore of
that lake, over there?"
NO; we are as near rs we shall 90"
You are, eh Then that settles this
road with me- When / come back I'll
ride IN Lumber wagon You can take
your confOunu railroad and eat it. but
you can't fool mo again. Looks to me
rs If the folks who built it simply
wanted to connect Detroit and Chicago,
and diuu't care a cent for scenery. In
get OFT at the next station and walk.n
"THE NEXT Town." - Recently a
citizen OH his way to the Post-onlce was
halted by woe-begone tramp, wno
looked us If a dinner of shinglc-nails
and currycombs would be gladly wcl-
coined If served up warm.
"You have the same old story to tell,
| suppose" said the cit zen, rs he came
to halt.
"No, sir, haven't" was the prompt
reply; | am simply about to ask your
advice. You look / ke keen, sharp
business man, and thought ia ask
you what you thought Of my going TO
the next town."
Why-why, go on, of course"
stammercd the citizen.
"That's your advice, Is it?" contin-
ued the tramp. shall leave it all to
you, and do just as you say about it. |
have every confidence in your judg-
ment.''
eyes; think you can't get out of
town too soon.'
"And if you were me would YOU
borrow quarter before you left?"
"No; l wouldn't. wouldn't wait
for supper"
"All right--you seem to bo kind
hearted, well-posted man, and l will
take your ADVICE" quietly observed
the tramp, as he moved away.
The citizen looked after him until he
was lost in the distance, never once
thinking of calling him back and hand
ing him quarter. lie had the same
game played OH him twice before.