Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-10-03
A TALK WITH ARTENEUS
WARD.
A Young EdItOrss KxperInenee with
the HumOrIst.
Detroit Free Press.

0Ne-o-s AACS EESoo-
met Artemus Ward but once. l
was quite young at the time and was
acting as city editor of the Star, pub
lished at Schenectady, n. 7. While
l was city editor of that sheet l met
Artemus. He had come among us
10 deliver his famous lecture, and
the whole place turned out to hear
him. Strange as it may appear, I
didn't go. You see, I was fathoms
deep in love with a girl at the time,
aud had a rival, who had recently
blazed out IN a new suit of clothes,
was at the lecture, and, sitting by
nls side, as happy as a kitten with
gill of sweet milk concealed about
its person, was the idol of my heart
the, alasl tickle queen of my affee-
tiOns. This is the reason that an
hour after the lecture was over l
happened to be standing on q canal
bridge, looking sadly down into the
water. Although l heard no foot
steps, suddenly became conscious
of presence. Looking up l saw
standing beside me a slender form,
whose face in the dim starlight
seemed to be an unusually sad one.
"Pardon me-" he said; "l saw You
looking dreamily into the water as if
you might be poet, or perhaps a
coroner, and was attracted to your
side. Has misfortune overtaken
thee, or art thou thinking of a lost
one-or two, or a nearer one yet, and
a dearer one still, in the shape of
a Vg'
l explained that l had lost no
money, and during the course of the
conversation revealed the fact that |
was a local editor.
'It must be terrible strain on the
intellect to attend to the duties of
local editor" be remarked tenderly.
"Long, long time ago I had a rela-
tiVe-it is a family tradition-who
was a local editor. He succumbed
to his tremendous intellectual exeT-
tion at an early age. Noble soul, he
died in the harness-at all events a
stub lead pencil and an old notebook
were found in his coat-tail pocket
after his demise. His last words
were: Set, 'em up again. alluding,
you understand, to the type"
Twas about to say something in
regard to my heavy editorial re-
spOnsibility, but Ward checked me
by asking:
"What creek is this?"
"CreekF" 1 exclaimed, why this is
the Erie canal"
'sHow far is it navigable?"
"Why, it is navigable from one
end to the other" was my surprised
reply.
''Well," solemnly replied Ward,
"that beats all the streams I ever
heard of. By the way, I think l can
make some large boats anchored up
the stream there-what are they,
propellors or side-wheelers?"
1 replied that they were merely
canal boats, and were moved by horse
power.
"Ah! I didn't think the stream
was as shallow as that" said Arte-
mus.
Gas shallow as what?"
"Why, you say that those boats
are pulled along by horses. Now,
of course they must walk along in
front of the boat, mustn't they? l
used to run a stone-boat on my la
mented Uncle Johns farm, and I
distinctly remember that the horses
walked along in front"
1 mentally declared that I had
never before met with such ignor.
ance. spent some time in explain
ing the peculiarities of the big ditch,
and Just as had 1 begun to think that
at last 1 had set the stranger right /
on the subject he knocked my hopes
into kindling-wood by remarking:
81 suppose that when the stream |
dries up in summer they put the |
boats on wheels, don't they?"
Then 1 began again and explained
every feature IN the canal, from New
York to Erie. How attentively he
be listened to my words! I can still
see that melancholy face, lit by the
sad light of the stars, and those
nournful eyes looking into mine so
earnestly; and again l hear, as l did
then, after 1 had talked for nearly
half an hour, going fully into the de-
tails of boating, the low pathetic
1rawl:
"Any sawmills on this steam that
you know of ?'
Shortly after some gentlemen came
along who seemed to be acquainted
with my obtuse friend. Presently
one called him Artemus, and then
to reflect. l always re-
feet best when l am hid away some
where, SO 1 went and hid myself. |
A CONSISTENT DECISION,