The news and herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1876-1881, 1879-12-31
.BKIC'-1-BRIC.
Are book-worms good for bait?
A finr siuht-thc SiUht of q rifle.

who throws his arm around his girls
waist.
"A fat man in summer is like ono
CROPPING in darkness; he feels his
weigh.
"A boys whistle is often sucked in.
-Fogs are mist before they arc
gone.
| Attachment noticc-notice of q
marriage engagement.
People who give tone to society
rarely give anything else.
-"John! joint" shouted the farm
er's wife, ''thc butter won't come.
Run, quick and get mo another sack
of hair"
Its not surprising that Adam fell.
lie had Eve constantly about him talk
ing about u nude dress, aud she had
one every day.
In discussion with temperance
lecturer, topper asked: If water rots
your boots, what effect must it have
upon the coat Of your stomach2
"Ycs. Mr.. Barkccpcr; am not like
the rcat who, when they owe You lnol-
cy, never show themselves any more;
l remain faithful to you. Giv's moth
or b0ttlcn
"Now, I ask you, as q
practical miner, what spade do you
think is the very Dcst?" Third-ycar
man (scornfullvl-"Why, the ace, Of
cure. (Sensatioa.)
An exchange has an article on
GLOW to runs newspaper" This
should be read only by the editors, rs
every other person in the. world knows
Just how newspaper ought to be run.
-"Moncy docs everything for q
man." said one old gentleman, pom
pously. eyes" replied the o her one,
''but money wont do as much for /.
man rs some menwill do for money"
Mr.. Thomas thinks it is one Of the
most touching things in life to hear d
Western hog singing to its youngest,
"Thcrc's litter in the 1iiirc, baby
mine, baby minc.'
That was an observing fellow. if
he was about six years old, who said,
"Papa, l wish you'd quarantine
against Tom Jones comm here every
night to sec Jennie. It's got to be too
cpiCemic.'
The Boston Post has inventcda q
new gun for the use of the didn't
know-it-was-loaucd people. Tho Post
| explains that 'it lets the charge out at
the brccch."
| Saratoga is gradually gaining OIL
Niagara as a resort for bridal parties.
It really looks as if Niagara would
soon be left entirely to the Indians and
the hack drivers, who have killed it
for the rest Of the world.
-"Say, Bill, do you know what an
angel is?' "Scascll {; I ncve" seed ono
ginywine." "Wcll, do YOU reckon
they hang on till forevcr?.' "Not
much, don't. Why, dad says the
old woman was an angel when he mar
ried her, hut she's got overit. guess
angels don't keep in this climate, any
way"
! "A London gent, walking in Dub
| lin for the first time, got into easy con-
vcrsation with u. native, and chaffed
him considerably, winding up with
this smart observations: "Now, tell
me, Pat, where you would be if the
devil got his dues?' Pat replied with
tcigncd simplicity, "Surc, then, I'd be
alone, yer Honor"
-From hearing older members Of
the family, Charley had got in tho
habit Of calling Mr.. Brown "Tom."
OF course lie was corrected, and told
to always say "AIr. Brown" Not
long aftcrward kitten was added to
the household, and christcncd "Tom."
But Charlie had not forgotten his les
8 II. N ;, n,,!", he c led; 900 NUT
Mt tay 'fom;' It d MT pity. % NUT
tay 'Mittcr Bwown."
The podomctcr may become tor
ror to husbands, when all the ladies
find out the success ofa shrcwd Boston
wife, who quietly attached one Of
these tcll-talcs to her husband when he
started to ego down to the Office and
post up the books" On his return she
discovered that he had done fifteen
miles OF walking--around billiard
table. He ''lost" the faithful reporter
the next day.
"A Yorkshire trainer revealed his
method Of meeting conjngal storm.
His plan, he said, was TO keep silence
and nod his ncquiescence to everything
no matter what was said by his spouse.
eyes," remarked one Of his friends,
"but then she has it III her own way"
"Jnst so, "replied tho Tykc, with sat-
isiaction; "and nothing annoys her so
much. There is nothing women hale
like a walk-ovcr."
"A recent issue Of the Louisville
Post contained the statement that all
the hogs III llktOn had been drunk the
week before. Thcrcupon u majority
Of the Posts Elkton subcribers discon-
tinucd tho paper, and notified the cdi-
tor OF their intention to commence
libel suits. The unfortunate man
came out in u two column leader next
day asserting that he was willing to
take his outh on stack Of bibles that
nc only meant four-lcggcd hogs, and
tnat brandied cherries thrown into an
alley had led to their downfall.
The Burlington Hawhcye say that
inc patent aimanacs, mortiscd for tho
publishers name, have already begun
70 pour down for 1880, and.hat the de-
signs are new and very different from
those Of last year. The picture of the
,n.oy skating IN his bare feet, with ono
little brother on his back and six moro
on his sled, being put on the January
instead Of on the December page, and
thcn the picture of Christmas Evo
comes along about the end oil Dccem-
| ~ S,,k ~ a