The true northerner., 1879-02-07
WIT AND HUXOR.

WIT AND HUXOR.
THE stamp act-A clog dance.
EVERY editor has his shear ally.
A"sPARK room-The bowling alley.
OARsMEN should wear their hair in
rewlocks.
The perfectly-contented man is also
perfectly useless.
A NAN of no account-A bookkeeper
out of situation.
SONG of the dry-goods clerk
Swinging in delaine."
GAS -sLIGHTED is what will become of
it when Edison electrifies us.
WHEN a man has no mind of his own
his wife generally gives him piece of
hers.
The world does not know a FOOLS in
knows his own.
The difference between our sanctum
and dairy is: One has an easy chair
and the other cheesy air.
Two things go off in a hurry-an
arrow dismissed from bow, and a beaa
dismissed by belle.
WHEN the Sultan loses his temper,
the ladies' of the household speak of
him as harem- -scere-'em fellow.
ART gives woman her false hair, false
eyes, false teeth, and false complexion,
but the devil furnishes her with false
tongue-when she desires one.
WE hear of country school-mistress
who encourages scholars in running
matches. She teaches the young idea,
in other words, how to scoot.
A CHICAGO policeman arrested boy
who had an onion in the corner of his
handkerchief The charge against him
was carrying concealed .weepins.
A HENPEcKED husband saidin extenu-
alton of his wife's raids upon his scalp
"You see, she takes her own hair oil so
easily, she doesn't know how it hurts to
have mine pulled out" ..
The slim, nisterial-looking chap
with thin cotton gloves and umbrella is
the same individual who passes his
plate the fourth time for buckwheat
cakes Ne,C York Express.
SEE the conquering zero comes
Boston AdUertiser. Yes, so good
many business men remark, In looking
for their profits for the past year
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
SOMEBODY'S Coming When the Dew
drops FALL" is said to be very beauti-
full song. Somebody's Coming When
the Note Falls Due" is not so enchant-
ing.-Norristoi1 Herald.
SAID a railroad engineer to an Irish
man whose COW had been lamed: But
she didn't get out of the way when 1
rang the bell" Faith, thin" said Pat,
"ye didn't sthop when she rang her bell,
naythur."
A LABoRER, while breaking stones on
the roadside, having a shade over one
eye as q guard, was thus accosted by a
companion: Il say, Tummy, hast 'ee
lost an eyer" why" replied the other,
"hast zee found one?"
WHAT is sweeter than a winter sun
set?" asks an exchange. Really, we
don't know; but if it's very cold night,
and there's a vacuum In the region of
the vest, an oyster stew will lay way
over the sunset.-NelU York Express.
"wHAr makes your lips 30 awful sore!"
Asked Sarah's cross eyed pap
And Sarah TO the old man said:
I" It's caused by small chap"
Then Sarahs youngest brother
As yet unknown to fame
Looked Sarah in the eye and asked
What Is the small chaps name!"
-El,ni,u Gazette.
: A PREACHER, in Kentucky the other
Sunday, becoming exasperated, paused
in his discourse to say" Ladies, If you
will give me your close attention l will
keep lookout on that door, and if any
thing worse than man enters L will
warn you in time to make your escape
A LITTLE girl visiting neighbor with
her mother was gazing curiously at her
} hostess new bonnet, when the owner
queried: DO you like it, Laura" The
, innocent replied: Why, mother said it
was perfect fright, but it don't scare
me- Laura's mother didn't stay long
after that.
PAPA (reading from Keats "St. Ag-
nes' Eve ")-"The owl, for all his
feathers, had cold" Mamma Isn't
that wrong, dear? Shouldn't it be was
a-cold? Papa" 1t is so here, Maria,
but purposely made the improvement.
How was it possible for bird to be
cold? A cold couldn't be a bird"
Totty-"My cold was, pa. The doctor
came, and he said it was thrush "-
Funny Folks.
EXERCISES IN PRONUNCIATION.
There was Q young fellow named Cholmondeley,
Who certainly acted quite domondeley;
When his girl said. Amuse me"
He stammered, Excuse me-
And then he apologized holmondeley.
His friends said his hrst name Beauchamps
Ito pronounce IL you never can teauchamps):
He resided at Greenwich,
And lived upon speenwich.
And artichokes, when he could rcauchamps.
-Burdeue.
Sand and Rats.
To discourage rats that burrow unde'
wa1la don't toypp the holea with broken