Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-04-20
OUR BABY.
A Bachelors Experience With 1t.

OUR BABY.
A Bachelors Experience With 1t,
1t was very pretty little baby-that |
is, for baby. I had no fault to find
with it, as far as it's individual identity
was concerned. If babies must exist
and suppose there Is a necessity for the
thing, or else where would all the grown
people come fromY--this baby was as
we'll as any other baby.
mention these facts merely to prove
that I am in no way prejudiced. As far
as mortal man can be, am an entirely
impartial witness:
It was fast asleep in its cradle little
white headed doll, with long, dark eye
lashes, and crimson dot of mouth,
against which lay its tiny fist, with five
we'll defined dimples in the five joints
thereof. 1t was fast asleep, I say, when
Bertha came airly into the room.
II am going over to the depot to see
mother off, Joseph; I'll be back in half
an hour. Just keep an eye to baby while
I'm gone, will you?"
I looked blankly at my sister. But
while I was considering how to express
my total dissent from her audacious prop
osition, she tripped out of the room,
her ribbons fluttering in the soft spring
air.
Silence doesn't always give consent;
but Bertha had taken it for granted, in
this matter, and was left ar unwilling
guardian of my little nephew.
However, he was fast asleep; that was
one circumstance in my favor. Mortal
baby couldn't present more innocent
and cherubic aspect than he did. So 1
calmly went on with my writing, soon
becoming oblivions to his infantile
presence.
"Talk about tending babies" quoth I
to myself, dipping my goose-quill tri-
umphantly into the ink, "why, it's the
easiest business in life. I should never
spend my money hiring nurses. If that
little one was mine--but women never
do know how to economic properly"
As these fancies passed through my
mind, the baby woke and sneezed.
I gave the cradle an oscillatory kick,
and then burst forth into the well known
burden of s'Bye baby bunting" but the
little villain absolutely declined to shut
his eyes again, like sensible baby. He
opened them wider than two miniature
moons, staring at me with an air of malev-
olence that has made me firm believer
in human depravity ever since, and de-
liberately began to cry. And the harder
Irocked the cradle and the louder [ sang
the more resolutely did that baby cry.
SHE'S hungry" thought I to myself
hi ho fad
prehensible of Bertha to stay away sc
long"
So I went down into the pantry and
instituted search for some milk, which
I had vague idea was the diet gener
ally preferred by toothless infancy. But
milk there was none. Lamp-oil, Stew
arts syrup, vinegar, kerosene, brandy
every thing but milk there; every known
conceivable fluid, in aggravating pro
fusion-but not a drop of milk.
All this time, meanwhile, the roar OF
my Infatuated nephew, but slightly soft
ened by distance. followed me about like
Nemesis.
l rushed frantically up stairs, armed
with lump of sugar, the first soothing
expedicnt that suggested itself to me.
'Bless its dear little heart there,
there! Confound your racket! can't you
keep still? Take its sugar from its
own, own uncle, that's little colder
boyw
But the golden boy resolutely re
rejected the sugar, screaming louder
than ever, as If its lungs were forty
baby-power, and warranted neve,
to tire out It kicked, it struggled, i
paved the air, it grew purple in the face
Ashes of King Herod and all the Egyp
tians! What was a man to do?
| In vain executed war-dance around
its cradle, in vain I rang the dinner bell
and jingled the china ornaments, an6
waved the feather buster, and swung my
gold repeater, and bawled nursery bal
lads at the top of my lungs. Talk abou
perseverance. Robert Bruce's spinne
was nothing to that atrocious little luml
of mortality.
"The1e is nothing for it but to capitu
late" said ] to myself, as I damned my
hat on my head, viciously thrust my
arms into my overcoat, and seized thu
baby out of its cradle.
Leave it absolutely alone dared not
and the nearest grocery where milk wa
procurable lay full three blocks off
Thus, in sort of stony despair ISSUED
forth from the house, carrying my pros
ecutor like bundle under one arm.
I thought he would stop crying whel
! he got into the open air, but not he; oxy
gen only seemed to increase the shril
power of his villanous little pipes Peopl
) turned to stare at me as if were an es
capped lunatic, or an abductor of infan
innocence. Women looked indignantly
at the baby. Blue worsted socks an,
little pink legs kicking blindly from be
meath my arms. Children ran after me
dogs barked, but kept doggedly on m:
way, walking into the grocery with res
olution second only to that of the Roman
fellow who jumped into crater, nobod,
knows how many hundred years ago!
ga pint of milk, if you please
"Milk, sir? Have you brought any thin,
to put it in?'
1 thought of my tobacco box, my pock
et-handkerchief, the corner of my hat
all of these impracticable places for tn
deposit of the lacteal fluid.
II never thought of that!" said, right
, ing the baby, who came head uppermos
with very crimson countenance, an,
| eyes locking defantly into mine-eye
that said, as if they had spoken in 8