The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-08-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


never be struck by lightning, because
he always gets insulate.
TAKING medicine will make a well
man sick much quicker than it will
make a sick man well.
"OH," she said, II think soda water is
is soda-licious." He took the hint and
soda dime on the harvest field of love.
BRowN-"Can you break me So
bill?" Jones-"I should like to break
it, but unfortunately I'm broke myself"
THROW him a rope" is the proper
thing to say when you see a friend of
yours over-bored. The effect is mag
ical.
To BE q first-rate archer, you must
have an arrow chest and be bow-legged.
And even then your aim won't be first
straight.
"IT's only spring opening, ma" ex-
claimed that awful boy, as he exhibited
his torn trousers after leap over a
picket fence.
Now IS the season of the year when
the small boy tieth string around his
waist and considereth himself properly
arrayed to take bath in public.
THAT one and one make really two
Most people will ackno Wedge true;
Yet even to "ths rule we find
Exception dear to lovers mind;
Thus, you and T. and and you.
Are one and one, aud still "uot " two;
Least so to me the figures run,
For surely, darling, we are one
AUNTY-"Well, love, did Mr.. McSil-
Ter propose?" Edith-"No, aunty, but
he was on the verge of it when"
Aunty-"When what, darling?" Edith
"When the clock struck and reminded
him that there was only time to catch
the last cheap train, and he had re
turn ticket"
A CLERGYMAN, preaching q sermon on
death, concluded with the following OBJ
servation: "But even death, my breth-
rem, so well deserved by mankind for
their sins, the wisdom of Providence
has, in its paternal kindness, put at the
end of our existence; for only think
what life would be worth if death were
at the beginning!"
AN old farmer intent on making his
will was asked by the lawyer the name
OF his wife, when he gravely replied:
Well, indeed, really don't recollect
what it is; we've been married for up
ward of forty years, and I've always
called her my old woman" The lawyer
left blank, to be filed up when his old
woman's name was ascertained.
A MANUFACTURER of cod-liver oil
thus deies competition "The Goldfish
In the open sea are pursued by whales,
sharks, and so forth, and live in constant
terror; hence, like animals under the
same conditions, have liver disease,
jaundice, and the rest. / avoid the mis-
take of ordinary manufacturers by OBJ
tanning my fish where no marine mon
ster can gain access. They live peace
fully and die healthy. This is why my
oil is the best"
WHAT are you doing, Rutherford ?"
asked Mrs. Hayes, the other morning
before breakfast, when she entered the
Presidents library and found him writ
ing rapidly, and a huge pile of manu-
script in front of him. "Why," replied
Mr.. Hayes, without looking up, II am
veto No. g." "Veto No. 81"
echoed Mrs. Hayes. "Why, Congress
has adjourned" Il believe that is So"
returned his Excellency, jabbing his
pen in the ink; "but a veto message will
be handy to have in the house in case
Of an emergency" - Norristo,Dn
Herald.
STATE STATEMENT.
never in the state of Maine have ever taken tea
Yet all of its inhabitants very fond of "Me-
About the sold Bay State" there's something far
too strange to pass,
FOR all who go to Boston sure TO go to Mass"
The folks in Little Rho6y" may not be very dry
Jet every person seems to have fervent love for
"R. ~
n the Centennial keystone State" the women
and the men
Talk proudly of their worthy Pa." and also of his
Penn"
md even we in Gotham, with prospects proud and
high,
Veil know our State is always near, because of
course it's ~. ~
ar In the South quite -Aid." mode, mighty State
holds sway.
While close beside It is another, always light and
mother one we cannot -Niss.--its merits well we
know
nd further north large cities that are always
bound to SOW
nd now think Ill my rhymes-no doubt
you've had your ILL.,
should take you further West you might be
taken an"
baltimore Sun.