Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1879-08-26
SOME QUICK REPLIES.
Anecdotes of "a Doctor VINO was
Prompt at Repartee.-

From Scribner's Brio a Brac'' for September
DIR. B, who was for many years
associated with the University OF Nir,
ginia, was noted for his quickness OF
retort, and some OF his repartees, winch
are fading out of contemporary memory
are worthy OF preservation.
Once many years ago, being on WISH
to Washington, he thought he recognlz'
ed friend in the man who was imme'
diately before him.
GLOW are you?" he said, clapping
the supposed friend familiarity on the
shoulder.
"My name is Hull, sir"
81 beg your pardon" said the profess
or. al was looking for the Colonel :,
On another occasion, as he was walk
ing. looking intently at something in the
street. a man coming in the opposite d.
rection, who was gazing with equal ear
nestness into a shop window, ran Shout
der to shoulder against him.
The stranger, drawing himself up IN
extreme hd,uelir, said:
why did you run against meY
With equal severity the professor an
swered in exact imitation OF his ques-
TONER'S tone and manner:
"For precisely the same reason that you
ran against me" and the encounter end
ed in a good-natured laugh.
4 gentleman coming into his office
one day, said
Doctor, why do you keep your room
so hot? 1t is like an oven"
al must" he answered promptly,
"for it is here that | make my bread.
Many years ago this incident was told
in one of the magazines, but the point
was somewhat missed, as the cOntribu-
tor made it bake instead OF make.
On a visit to a New York publishing
house, against which he had claim for
six hundred dollars, he was ushered in
TO the Office where one OF the firm sat on
a high office stool, pompously Smelling
letters. The professor stood awaiting
recognition; but no notice was taken OF
him. Finally the small business man
twisted himself around on his perch, and
said, in the most supercilous OF tones:
WHAT
"That," said the professor, handing
the order for the money.
The business was settled without an
other word. 3,
A very tiresome civil engineer had
been vexing the righteous soul OF one oil
the University professors, who, Tor
Joke. and to rid himself of the nuisance,
sent him to DR.. B-with his engineer
ing schemes, as to a congenial and SYM
pathetic soul He therefore came with
HIGH homes, and uniolded his schemes
several times with wearisome multpllcl-
tv of details to the devoted professor,
when the listeners impotence made it
self felt. The engineer continued to say.
Gust one moment, Professor one thing
more" Finally, his hearers much
tired patience showed signs of utterly
giving way, whereupon the patentee
again said: -.
IL only want to show you one thing
more. Professor. | have invented a
short method OF boring mountains,
which think will prove very valuable"
"Mv dear SIR" burst forth the wear
led listener, "if you would only invent
a short method Of boring individuals
YOU would indeed confer a lasting ben
eft upon the race" The engineer de-
parted.
A would-be Mterdteur, who was the
head OF large variety and notion bust
ness, was constantly annoying the doc
tor with his pretentions. On the one
occasion he said;
doctor, l have an idea"--
''No, no, my dear H" said the
doctor little impatiently, "yOu are
mistaken you deal in notions, not in
IDEAS"
On aoother occasion the same gentle
man broke in upon a conversation with
the sudden and irrelevant question::
doctor, did you ever read Shakes
peare?"
The listener struggled moment in
silence with his indignation, and assum-
ing mystifed air, asked in the most
commonplace tone:
What shakespeare