Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-04-04
F. u n :

F. U N
.. ssTalking about cold weather, suddenly
broke in one of our Oldest inhabitants, the
other evening. ''why you ought to have
been out in the State of Minnesota in '36.
[ doi.'t 'spose fourteen thermometers
spliced together would give the mercury
room to drop as low as it wanted to CO.
One awful cold night colder than two
of our coolest nights. consolidated "a hun
ter named Hosk ing built an extra big fire
in his log shanty to keep warm, an he
kept piling on the wood until his shanty
was all ablaze, and when a few persons
Twin round there saw the light, an run to
his assistance, they saw Hosking a-settln'
in the midst of the flames a-shlverln' an
rubbin' of his hands as though he couldn't
get warm; and when the shanty Was all
burned to ashes they found him in the
ruins a-settin' on big hickory log frozen
to hI''-NOrristoU1 Herald.
It has just leaked out that last fall
Baltimoreward, there to buy his goods,
went to the clerk on one Of the Baltimore
Steam Packet CO.. boats to be shown to
his state room. The clerk handed the APP
plicant his key, and at the same time
pointed to door at some distance, mark
ed B. The traveller went in the direction
indicated, but opened the room next to his
own, marked A, and discovered lady
passenger making her toilet, who, upon
the strangers appearance, uttered a
scream. ''Go away! Go away!' cried the
lady. Letter B ~ yelled the clerk. "Why,
I am not touching her, at all !" shouted
the indignant merchant. = Wytheville Dis
patch.
Questions asked by the st. Louis Times
Journal:'' Why is it that men are always
punching at CRATE fire? Why is it that
woman never buys more than one car tic
ket at time? Why is it that a woman
arranges her hair before putting her
clothes on? Why is it that Western girls
call pimples, bumps? Why is it that wo-
men always read the marriages and births
before anything else in newspaper?
THERE WOULD BE A CHANGE.-"Are
you engaged?' said gentleman to lady
from Marysville, at a ball the other even
ing. Il was, but if that Pete johnson
thinks I'm going to sit here and see him
squeeze that freckled face ilkins girls
hand all the evening he'll be mistaken, SOL
italre OF no solitaire!' The gentleman ex-
planned and went out to get air.-Sara
Francisco. Newsletter. r. se~
Before marriage-'Oh, my darling, your
voice is as musical to me as vesper bell
whose tones fall softly on the perfumed
evening air. Speak again and say those
words, my beloved, for could listen to
your voice until the stars are extinguished
in everlasting night!'' After marriage
tive had just enough of your clapper, old
woman, and if you don't let up I'll leave
the house,
A lady taking tea at a small company,
being very fond Of hot rolls, was asked to
have another. ''Really, 1 cannot" she
many have eaten already" 81 do" un-
expectedly cried juvenile upstart. whose
mother. had allowed him, seat at the
table. "You've eaten eight; I've been
countin'!"
Are the boys Of America more unruly
and dlsobedient than the boys of twenty
years ago? 1t would seem so, for the
State of Michigan alone turned out bill
lion and quarter shingles last year. This
number of shingles, a couple Of decades
ago would have been sufficient to spank all
the boys in the country.
They say when Bismarck greeted Grant
he smiled one of those fatherland grins,
held out his hand and exclaimed: ssVegates
Sheneral? I vas overcome mil, gladness by
myself to see you; sit mid yourself down.
Adolph, two beers right away, quick, SO
helup you gracious den5urg HeraM
Who did the pillow share with?-N. Y.
EGpress. Well, it divided its burrows
pretty evenly all around the lot.-Ne,o
Haven Register.
But for running the thing in the ground
the inquiry might be made, with whom
did the mould board?
Said the sailor: .sWe had pet monkey
on board, and when we struck the FIRST
early weather, you ought to have seen that
monkey-wrench!"-N. 7. Neaos.
It was the very thing for the ships
crew.
'sJane,'' he said, 81 think if you lifted
your feet away from the fire we might
have some heat in the room.'' And they
hadn't been married two years either.
Hard times necessi tate economy. A
man took velvet collar down to the tai
lor to have him build an oyercoat around
it.
It was the Chicago journal that said,
"a few more medical schools and there
will be no business for resurrection day.
The family which makes big show at
a funeral is always the firs. to put up a
cheap tombstone.
Linen busters dyed black do not de-
eeive men who know what good overcoats
are. They are too thin.
You can always tell the class of COM
pany a boy keeps by what you find in his
head.
When does a man smoke a cigar too
1onp2 When he smokes it too short.