The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1879-11-15
WHIFS: WISE HND WITFY.

-"That puts n different face on it, said
the swindler when he raised a check from
$50 to $1,000.
Cats have nine lives, and, being bound
to live every one of them, they stay up at
nights to do it.
A music seller Announces in his window
a sentimental song, Thou hast loved and
left me !" for three cents.
BY taking revenge a man is but even
with his enemy; i'll passing it over he is his
superior. But he loses lots of fun.
A New Yorker exhibits an Agra praying
rug nearly two centuries old. 1t is observed
to be in a good state of preservation.
-Yakoob Khan has abdicated. " Iakooh
Khan't stand everything" he remarked
with sigh, rs he handed in his resignation.
-Professor-Now ask You as Il practical
miner what spade do you think is the very
best? Third Year Man (scornfully)-Why
the ace, of course.
=" Bedad! Look at the haste, wild his
two toothpicks stickin' ont er his mouth"
was how the first sight of an elephant at
fected Bridget Muldoon.
The Emperor William salutes his sol
diers with: Good morning, my children,
and they chuckle and tickle and grin, but
don reply, Hello, dad"
When the dentists of this country eau
discover Il way to pull teeth without max
ing a man wish he had been born a hen, life
will have twice as much brightness.
-Govsrness: Now. jack, if were 10
give twelve pears to Maudc, ten to Edith
and three to you, what would it he"
jack Gagged six:) alt wouldn't be fair
| When a Chinaman makes love to girl
| he doesn't rave about his part painting for
her, etc No, he simply tells her he loves
| her better than he docs rats, and she be
lieves him.
An article is going the rounds treating
on the best method of putting away potatoes.
a family of about eight, including three
boys and three girls, can put away potatoes
about as successfully as is necessary.
The pastor of one of the village churches
took pair of pantaloons to tailor the
other day to have them repaired. Tailorex-
amined them critically and observed,
"Humph, knees are the best part of EN-"
An exchange says that Paul Boyton
recently had a narrow escape while shooting
some rapids. 1t doesn't say whether the
gun burst or the breech-pin flew out, but
mis- escape from destruction was very UNI
| fortunate.
-"Why do guns burst ," asks a cote,n-
porary, and then devotes nearly a column
to answering the question. Guns burst be-
cause powder is put into them. You might
use gun seven hundred years and il
wouldn't burst if you kept powder out OF it.
| When a man turns around on the street
and looks at you hard, he either thinks he
knows you, or wants to fight because you
brushed against him. But that's not thr
way with peaceable, gentle women. They
only want another look at that other
woman's dress.
-''This is the healthest place in Amer
lea, said the landlord of Niagara hotel 10
the tourist. "Nobody ever dies here. -
"No," replied the traveller, in the tone of n
man who was thoroughly convinced Of il.
''No, l reckon not. Nobody would stay
here long enough to die
II had lost his arm abroad, After
his return home, on the occasion of hi~
dining with his brother-iu-law, his little
niece, then in the nursery, was cautioned to
make no personal remark to him on his LOST
arm. She ebeved orders implicitly, till sbe
went to kiss him and say Good night.
Then she said: i b went said word about
your poor arm, have II"