Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-08-01

The song "a lazy farmer sings to his
wife: @Hoe, Emma"
An Irish lover remarks: "It's a very
great pleasure to be alone, especially
when yer sweetheart's vid ye"
An exchange puts It thus delicately:-
"A young lady visitor, without teeth,
arrived on yesterday under the care Of
the family physician"
They say the difference between a
gFaSshopper and a grass widow isis
by heavens there is no difference.
They'll both jump at the first chance.
A pretty girl down East is a mind
reader. She said to bashful beau the
other night, aIa, l believe you are go
ing to kiss meP She was right.
One of the saddest and most vexa-
tious trials that comes to a girl when
she marries is that she has to discharge
her mother and deDend upon a hired
girl.
An agricultural paper tells "How to
Dress a Hog" We know how to dress
hog. Give him a cane, a stove-pipe hat
and pair of eyeglasses. After that he
will try to pass for a man. But, pshaw
hog will be hog, no matter how he
may be dressed.
A full-bearded grandfather recently
had his beard shaved of, showing
clean face for the first time for a num-
Der of years. At the dinner table his
three-vear-old granddaughter noticed it,
gazed long with wondering eye, and
finally calculated, grandfather, whose
head you got on?'
n IL An, -k,,,,,-I -, Al b,5 IL
lows are life-preservers that can be Sc
curely attached to the person in less
than half a minute. The material with
which the pillows are stuffed is as light
and soft as feathers, while its floating
power is considerably greater than that
of cork
A friend picked up the following letter
few days ago:
Deer Ed-The resun dident laff when
you laft at me in the post offs yesterday
was bekase hev got bile on my Ease
and kant laff. If i laf she'll bust. but
luv w Edible OF no bile, laf or no
Iaff Yure lovin j till deth.
-Lessing exclaims, HWoman is the
masterpiece of the universe" Bourbon
says, The pearl is the image of purity,
but woman is purer than the pearl"
Thackery writes, "a good woman is the
loveliest flower that blooms under heav-
en- Balzac says, "Even the errors of
woman spring from her faith in the
good" VOltaire declares, "All the rea-
Soning of men are not worth one senti-
ment Of woman" Larmartine asserts
that women have more heart and more
imagination than men," Otaway ex-
claims, "0h, woman! lovely woman
Nature made thee to temper men. We
had been brutes without you"
Great geniuses appear TO cherish the
fond delusion that their powers must
remain at the meridian, and be suscepti-
bic to no decline or decay. Few, indeed,
have been those who possessed that self
abnegating wisdom which perceives
when the mental powers have attained
of thorough development. Irving was
one Of these, and his last work was his
greatest; but the great majority of the
famous, blinded by vanity or thought
leSsness, refuse to relinquish the pen
until even the memory of their former
greatness can procure from them moth
ing mare than the contemptuous tolera-
ton Of pity. The most sorrowful of
oABAito . q LlbtA blOIll VI l1lb blTEllRlu,
and while hurling pebbles, calling them
the tremendous rocks with which he
nnce did battle with the gods.
A BEAUTIFUL RETROSPECT When the
summer day of youth is slowly wasting
away into the nightfal of age, and the
shadows of the past year grow deeper
and deeper as life wears to a close; it is
pleasant to look back through the vistas
of time upon the joys and sorrows of
early years. five have home to shell
ter, or hearts to rejoice with us and
friends who have been gathering around
our freside, then the rough places Of
our wayfaring will be worn and smoOthed
away in the twilight of life, while the
bright sunny spots we have passed
through will grow brighter and more
beautiful. Happy, indeed, are those
whose intercourse with the world has
not changed the course Of their holier
feeling, or broken those musical chords
of the heart whose vibrations are so me
lodious so tender and so touching in the
evening of age.