Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-10-02
HUMOR.

Is a man with a wooden leg club
footed?
A revenue cutter-Ye clipper 0
coupons.
The Old Man Of the Sea was an ocean
buoy once.
There is no use of playing seyen-up
with an Indian; he's always Lo.
When a mans temper gets the best
of him, ii reveals the worst of him.
A writer stated in recent obituary
notice that "The deceased was born in
his native town, where he has ever
since resided"
She loved not wisely, but too well,
The melon green and juicy:
Now free from cramps she sleeps poor Nell,
Meath the soil of Mass achusy.
Burnett, Tex, has professional ant
killer. The Unborn propensity to kill
something, that springs eternal in the
Texan breast, must be satisfied, you
know.-Boston Transcript.
On Yiewless wings ah that's the time
Doth DER the fallow float
While fragrance of the balmy thyme
To buy az OyerCoat
Cheap.
An auctioneer was endeavoring to sell
a fowling-piece, and failing to get bid,
a by-stander who hal read the papers
said: "BloE in the muzzle and it will go
off,"
Very innoCently an Irish newspaper
concludes its account of an imposing
ceremony: The procession was very
fine, being nearly two miles long, as
was also the prayer of Rev. Mr.. Nc
Fadden."
Joe Cook is at Ticonderoga, cipher
ing out the reason why the unknowable
preponderance of the luminous ego
causes the heterogeneous infnity of the
deplorable bioylast to give way before
the laughter of the soul at itself.-S.
Adams Advertiser.
A Pennsylvania boy made gun of a
section of gas-pipe. He was a very in
genious little fellow, and, but for his
untimely death, might have accom-
plished perpetual motion some day
Buffalo E1preSs.
A subscriber to Southwestern news
paper died recently, leaving four years
subscription unpaid. The editor APP
peared at the grave, and deposited in
the coffin palm-leaf fan, linen coat,
and thermometer.
The Chinese Premier, Prince Kung,
addressed Gen. Grant in English, So
called. Trying to compliment him by
assuring him that he was born to COM
mand, ne said: "Sre! Brave Generate!
you vos made to order"
The boy who substitutes a living for a
dead hornet in the collection of near
sighted entomologist, and then asks the
man of science to show him where the
insects sting is located, should be held
responsible for any irreligiOus senti-
ments the victim may ADVANCES
Louis GnHs-JournaI.
There is some humor in Texas. The
other day a man brought out a forlorn,
spavined-looking steed, and addressed
the spectators thus: "Fellow-citJzens,
this is the famous horse, Dandy Jack.
Look at him. He's perfect. If he were
sent to the horse-maker nothing could
be done for him. What shall have
bid for the matches steed p "What
will you take for him p yelled the crowd.
"Two hundred dollars" "Give you
So" "Take him. | never let $195
stand between me and no horse-trade.
That's business"
The front door of a Lafayette avenue
residence was open the other day,
when two ladies called on the mistress.
A little 5-year-old was standing IN the
doorway, and the callers had no need
to ring "Where's mammal asked
one of the ladies' SEES mp 'tairs desin',"
was the lisped reply. "Take these up
ed the little one the cards. The small
maiden climbed the stairs and battered
down again. mamma took e tards
and told me to say at s'e's out" It is
the same old story, and I. G. only
chronicles it because he knows It to be
true in this instance. The ladies
marched off, doubtless resolving to
teach their own little ones to be more
diplomatic.-DehoH Free Press.