The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-08-30
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

the Narragansetts.
Mormonism must be put down. II IS dis.
grace 10 the cOuntry.-t0nStiHg
The Christians are holding conference in -.
joe this state-D,odiar Rerie'c.
Who are ''the Christians y'-ki91 L'Gd'r
Sprague seems TO be ready to fire the frs, gun
In the Cunkling boom.-iarom Necs,
A T. Stewar,'s bones are still missing Who
knows now, hut Charley Ross may have them in
h!s pockets
There Is democratic postmaster down in Ma
coapin COUNTY, and he had the courage to attend
democratic convention last week in Carlinvilie
IS 6 delegate
II doesn't make any difference how You spell
whisky. ;lc man who uses &; will have the worst
spell.
No,~ said Paperwaie, explaining: 40,
wasn't really mad when The old man drove me
rom the house but must say felt pa; out -
Eas15. TJaHSrrp..
Then Y. Z,,1u,,, defending Conk.inc, SAYS,
.Tveu Sr~acur makes no charge" j, seems to
re pretty We,l established, however, hat spFague
-amEae5 charge INTO The shotgun win which
lie drove CouAEps out Of his house
II would moi marry the lest man living" she
SID. Ana She kept her vow from the first.
B-t she did not live 10 die al old maid,
But she married one OF the worst
Toledo hoSsy4sr
4 recent picnic was turned into hollow mock
cry rs every fellow remembering 10 hr!ng a coih
screw and depending on somebody else 10 furnish
The to,ilt.-D-A NoiEes R,gastcr.
A Young man, who is paying his addresses TO
Lis lady love, STAYED - late the other night that
The family were compelled to whitewash the wall
next morning. to ob!iteratc her shadow-Ef.
The White House View of it: Mrs. Hayes-Do
Won really think, Rutherford, that Mr.. Conkling
ever did those naughty things the newspapers
now accuse him Of: Mr.. Hayes-Well, hardly
ever.
would be glad to speak at the opening Of
your county fair, but you can see It would make
your pumpkins look ridiculously smaIl-R'"d
Ddcis,
War may threaten; comets may alarm; pesti-
lcncc may destroy; but there is one thing that
never, hardly ever, goes back on candidate, and
that is a desire to treat everybody.
man wearing wet clothes, and carrying a
fishing rod aud basket stopped a train on the
Erie Railroad by giving danger signal. What's
the matter% the conductor asked. The man
cooy replied that he had caught an enormous
trout, and thought the passengers might like to
take q look at 1t.
Ellsworth, of the Lacon J0,onol, was summon
ed before court last week on the trial of the de
failing county treasurer Whitaker, but the
missing $4,000, TO the disgust of Judge and jury,
were not found in his pocket
The London Ldncct prcscrlbes an ounce or two
I,.li trtaA tttI 40
best drink for hot weather. The Lancet is right.
But unless our money fails u.s. he has left out
one or two Of the ingredients fhHadetphid Bul-
Hta.
Mary leads her little lamb
Around by silken tether-
She calls her little lambkin "llot"
Because il Is wether.
Scene a sauctum Enter the exchange tcnd.
"Ah, thought I'd drop in to look over your ex-
changes" Editor to devil: Thomas, get Mr..
Linberjaw the Memphis 4ppeol and Ardlanche"
An Iowa exchange speaks mildly of cotempo-
rary as the "squint eyed, knock -kneed, lantern
awed publisher OF the little 7x9 ram shacklc
Bellevue fy-speck."
And now bold Washington correspondent
the Interior was frequent visitor to Edgewood,
ling met him there once or twice, "when some
words passed between him and SchuTz that
wouldn't look well in print" Dear me- next
they'll say Cameron was there!
The latest New England hymn:
! want to be a husband.
And with the husband stand;
] want TO sweep Rhode Island
With shotgun in my hand.
Men and shot. guns oft reminds us
We can up and homcward steer,
And departing leave behind us
Footprints on a sandy pier.
Mr.. Conkling has a rich, clear tenor voice. It'll
is great privilege to hear him sing. He throws
undefnable feeling and pathos into such stcr-
ling old melodies as what are the Wild Waves
Saying" and "The Shot. gun by the Sea"
Washington Post: Ex-senator Spraguc should
not have loaded himself ut the time he did his
shotgun. man can never do himself Justice
as a marksman while inebriated, and even il ac-
cidently successful in hitting his target, lacks
The ability TO give good reason for ii.
Alas! how easily things 90 wrong
Trousers too short, or a coat too long,"
Ven York frprss.
ALAS! how easily things 20 wrong
Bed too short and legs too ongn
-CmeiHadh Commercials
Alas. how easily things 20 wrong
Cash account short, and cigar bill long"
-Enchdng,
Alas! how seldom things 20 right
When a man is loose he's often tight"
aurora NGcs
Alas! that men at Sprague should scon-.
shotgun ready, but wouldn't 20 OF
They say Parson Joe Cook is as hot after the
editor Of the San Francisco Chronicle as Kearneys
sand-lots crowd. In his recent visit to the Yo.
semitic valley Parson Joe made an eloquent pray
or, winding up with: Thou hast consecrated
this yalley-may We not desecratc it,' What
makes Joe mad is that the Ckronirle nrnied Il