The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1879-08-13
AUGUST 13
VARIETIES.

riding in his open baTouche, drawn
by four milk-white steeds, he is never
shot at by Socialist. You have
probably remarked this yourself
"Why, Freddie, said mamma "you
ought not to make such fuss. I
don't fuss and cry when my hair is
combed." eyes," replied Freddie, but
your hair amt hitched to your head
as mine is"
Servant-"Please, sir, we amt got
no bread, and the baker says he
won't trust you any longer !" Irate
Hibernian-"The name haste! No
bread Bedad, then, must have
toast"
mo, darling said the undertaken
to his wife, Il can't afford to give
you a silk dress at present. Just
wait a few weeks until green apples
are in the market"
She (sentimentaD: ooh, / call this
quite too exquisitely lovely So de-
lightful to see the little early birds
They seem SO happy He (hard up):
eyes, with their bills all over dew,
too Lively little beggarsl"
An English showman's version of
the story of King Darius, Daniel and
the lions was as follows: "'At him
says the king. We WON'T says the
lions AT him again. says the king.
'Blowed if we WILL says the lions
which was sell for the great King
Darius, and VERY. wexatious."
A lady remarked to popular di-
vine that his sermon was little too
long. "Don't you think SO ?" said
she; "just little?" "Ah! dear madam"
replied the divine, Il am afraid you
don't like the sincere milk of the
word" Eyes, / do" said she; "but
you know the fashion, nowadays, is
condensed milk"
at is our best work that God
wants, not the dregs of our exhaus.
ton. He prefers quality to quantity
and for healthy work we must be
healthy ourselves. We can't be the
visible sign of Christ present, while
inhabiting an exhausted irritated
brain. - Geo. McDOnald.
A minister at colored wedding,
- 20 by numerous, -srssrcf
ION such occasions it is customary
to kiss the bride, but in this case we
will omit it," To which malignant
remark the bridegroom pertinently
replied "On such occasions it is Gus
tomary to pay the minister SO, but
in this case we will omit it"
An erring husband, who had ex-
hausted all explanations for late
hours, and had no apology ready, re-
Gently slipped into the house about 1
o'clock, very softly, denuded him
self gently, and began rocking the
cradle by the bedside, as if he had
been awakened out of sound sleep
by infantile cries. He had rocked
away for five minutes, when Mary
Jane, who had silently observed the
whole maneuvre, said: "Come to
bed, you fool; the baby amt there"
A man was at confession one day,
and while he was confessing he spied
in the pocket of the monks habit a
silver snuff-box, and stole it. 'Fa-
Their" he said immediately, 81 accuse
myself of having stolen silver snuff
box" "Then, my son you must GER
tainly restore it" "Will you have it
yourself, my father" 81? Certainly
not, my son !" "The tact is" pro-
ceeded the penitent shat have Of
tered it to the owner and he has re-
fused it," "Then you can keep it
with good conscience" answered
the father.
If man is on the cars and sees a
young lady he doesn't know from
Eve, and never saw before, trying to
let down the window, he throws
down his paper, takes off his hat,
bows himself double, smiles clear
round to his after collar button, says,
sweetly, "Allow me !" and closes the
window with graceful skill and
charming'courtesy. If his sister says:
Tom, won't you please let this win
dow down for me ?" he tucks his
paper savagely under his arm, and
stalking across the aisle, stands on
her feet while he bangs the window
down with slam that fills her face
and hair with dust. And if his wife,
holding the baby in one arm and a
lunch basket on the other, tries to let
down the window, and says, timidly
and suggestively, "Oh, dear. 1 don't
believe | can get it down. he grunts,