Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-04-04
Hawk-Eyete1ns.

Hawk-Eyetems.
You fatter mo-" - the orange said
TO Judge David Davis when he sat down
upon it.
g Reconstruction is the thief of time"
Stole watch, probably.
All the winter months have catarrh in
them. Same way with all the spring
and fall and summer months.
9 Nothing succeeds like success"
That explains the success Of self-made
men. then. They have " nothing" to
begin with.
Say. has the Pope been demonetized?
The dispatches haven't had him dam
gerousiy i'll or robustly weh for three
or four days.
But then. If Edison's electric light is
generally introduced into our houses,
what is Bridget going to light the
kitchen fire with ?
The finest police in the world are on
duty in New York. But they arn't
half SO fine as Stewards body, because
you can see them.
1t is now generally urged in extenua-
ton of Ananias' offence, that he was
raised with no other play mates than o
couple Of gas meters.
When all the projected improvements
are completed, 1t is believed that sailing
in the painless air in balloons will be
as safe as Mexican war.
Ittakes man who wants Office to see
the corruption there is in official cir
cles. The more he sees of it the more
anxious he is to get into it.
Secretary Sherman thinks the Gov
eminent will not be able to t" get rid of
its COIN" Why on earth doesn't it
start daily newspaper, then?
It is now quite generally conceded
by his friends that Dennis Kearny is @
bigger man than Grant. Just about
the size and weight Of Fitzhugh, in
fact.
It is feared that Keely's motor is ly-
ing at the point of death with the blue
glass disease. Somehow or other, all
these Pennsylvania sensations are short
lived.
The New York press went into ecsta-
cies over the beauty of Princess Louise.
HIM You should have seen her when
she was sea-sick, in all that the term
implies.
We always thought it was happy
thing for the Apostle Paul that he died
before Christian people began al
most universally to name their parrots
after him.
1t has been 30 long since any family
was murdered in Kemper county that
the Mississippi railroads are beginning
to advertise the great attractions that
State offers to emigrants.
Well, after all, colonel, Moses did o
great deal better than the most Of MS.
He made such accurate mistakes that il
has taken the world several thousand
years TO discover what they were.
Sergeant Bates says he il going to
take . wheelbarrow and beat Potter's
time. Sergeant Bates had o great
deal better 60 to West Virginia and dig
ginseng. There's more money in it.
Ohio and Indiana are the great com-
| petitors in the pardoning business. At
present we believe the score shows that
Ohio has pardoned the most criminals,
but Indiana has pardoned the worst.
An exchange says: "Alcohol will
clean out the inside of an inkstand. II
will also clean out the inside of o
pocket-book little more thoroughly
and quickly than anything else on
record.
Now that the country has resumed
specie payments, who is going to pay
for our next suit of clothes. N. b.
This IL question that interests the
stricken tailor great deal more than it
does Us.
We suppose, speaking OF Moses, tie
reason the Lord buried him where NO
man could ever find bis grave. was to
prevent the Ohio medical students from
running away with the body before it
was cold.
The Board Of School Commissioners
of Indianapolis has decided TO intro
duce the Science and geometry of
dress rs o study in the public schools.
Wisdom Of the sages And what kind
Of science is that?
Let as lay our several hands on our
respective hearts and solemly resolve,
that during the coming year, no drop
Of Intoxicating liquors shall ever pass
BY our lips. Loud and enthusiastic cries
Of = We do, We do"
Lest winter DR.. Sackett, Of Chester.
Connecticut, made q violin OF two thou
sand and Rfty pieces Of wood. We al
ways thought there should be about
two thousand and fifty pieces in most
of the fiddles We ever listened to.
An aged colored woman named Su-
san Savage was burned to death in Brat
stleboro, Vermont, last week, her
clothes catching FIRE from her pipe.
Mr.. Frask was right, tobacco will kill
EN-. il they use it in the right way.
i There are more dams in the State Of
Massachusetts, now than there were in
the last political compaign. And they
hold more water. too. But not so much
whisky. Oh no, not nearly SO much.
Not 50 much, probably, by quart.
There would be one mighty good
thing for General. Grant II he would
accept the throne Of Bulgaria. His
majesty couldn't understand o word his
Y RI - Az =