Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-10-09
AnecdOte OF Artemns Ward.

AhNcuUtt VI AEteUub WhFus
| met Artemus Ward but once. Twas
quite young Mt the time and was acting
rs city editor Of the ftar, published at
DC. enectady, N. 7. The papers whole
name was the kUening star. We'll, while
! was city editor Of this sheet met Ar
tenus.. lie had came among us 10 de-
| hver lis famous lecture, and the whole
pace turned out 10 hear him. Strange
~ IL may appear didn't go. You see,
] was fathoms deep In love with A girl
mt the time. and had rival. This rival.
who Lad recently blazed out In a new
suit of clothes, W as at the lecture. and.
sitting by his side. as happy as a kitten
| with gill of sweet milk concealed about
It's person. was the idol Of my heart-the,
alas! hckle queen Of my young affections.
! This Is tlIe reason that an hour after the
! lecture WAS over happened TO Sand ON
/ n canal bridge, looking sadly down into
the water. Although / heard no foot
steps | suddenly became conscious Of q
pres ence. Looking up. saw standing
beside me n slender form. whose face in
the dim starlight seemed TO be an un.
usually sad one.
Pardon me-" he said; saw you
looking dreamily into the water as Il
! you might be poet, or perhaps a coro'
/ ncr, and was attracted to your side
! Has misfortune overtaken thee, or art
thou thinking Of lost one--or two. or a
nearer one yet. and n dearcr one still, in
| the shape Of a w"
explained that | had lost no money,
| and during the course conY6 Tsation re-
vealed the fat that was local editor.
'It must be terrible strain on the
intellect TO attend 10 the duties of n
local editor" he remarked, tenderly.
Long. long time ago had n relative
IL Is n family tradition-who was a local
| editor. He succumbed TO his tremen-
dous intellectual exertion at an early age.
Noble soul, he died in the harness-at all
events n stub lead-pencil and an old note
book were found in his coat-tail pocket
after his demise. His last words were,
Set 'em up again, alluding, you under
stand, 10 the type"
was about to say something in re-
gard To my heavy editorial responsible
ty. hut Ward checked me by asking:
What creek IL this?n
"Creckm | exclaimed. Why, this
is the Erie canall'
How far is it navigable?n
"Why. Of course it Is navigablc from
one end 10 the other" was my sur.
prised reply.
We'll. solcmnly replied Ward. that
beats MI the streams ! ever heard of.
By the way, think can make out some
large boats anchored up the stream there
what are they, propcllcrs or side
whcclers''
| replied that they were merely
canaibuats. moved ~ horse power.
"Ah, didn't think the stream was rs
shallow as that, " said Artcmus.
As shallow as whatY'
"Why you say that those ats are
pulled aiong by horses. Now. oi course
they must walk along in front OF the
boat. mustn't they? I used TO run a
stoneboat on my iamcntcd Uncle Johns
farm. and / distinctly remember that
the horses walked along in front"
mentally declared that ! had never
before met with such ignorance. spent
some time explaining the peculiarilics
Of the big ditch. and Just "a | had begun
to think that ~ last had set the stranger
right on tho subject, hc Knocked my
hopes into kindlinHwood by remarking
suppose that when the stream dries
up in the summer they put the boats on
wheels. don't thoy2"
Then began again 20 explain every
feature in the canal from New York io
Erie. How attentiycly he listened "a
my words. ! can still s'c that Inolan-
choly face lit by the sad light the stars,
and those mournful eyes looking into
mine so earnestly; and again hear, as
I did then. after had talked for nearly
half an hour. going fully into the details
OF boating, the low, pathetic drawl:
Any sawmills on this str cam that YOU
know oi?"
Shortly aftor some gentlemen came
n 1us,t a. 10 snarYe al Ia br aconuSpsr1 mi /,
my obtusc fiicnd. Presently one called
him Ariemus and then I commenced "a
reflect. Ialways reflect best when I'm
hid away somewhere. so I went and hid
myself. D,iroa Free Press.