Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1879-06-10
PROFESSOR THRUMS PILLS.
Ever met PrerSesser Thum-'Lias


Whats his business :"
.'Preachin' and pillin', mostly; he's
principal agent for the Ben Franklin Self
Supportin' Pill, and he eX' ortS cvenln'S
when he's travellin' The wimmin-tolkS,
lest goes crazy abaout Las No dis
caount on 'LiaS J. Thrum, l tell yew
Sings HYMN like a swoller. Good many
ministers is more or less poster d in prare,
but 'Iias goes rite long, 5 if nothin' at
al was the matter. No hitchin' and
coughin' TO him when he's ingagcd; frees
"a bird, every time.
lis he a good speaker"
The most Sperrited We ever heered
Fine voice
Clears a quill, and louder'n a gun.
When the winders Is open in aour school
haouse, where he labors frequent, emmy
body t'other side the river ken heas HIM.
He meks things jump, l tell yew, when
he gifts agoin
''How Is he in argument
up tew envy on EN-, We may depend.
Karnt ketch Las where the woolS short,
from GencSiz TO Revelations. Wish We q
hccrcd him tackle wun o yore Boston
transildentist tellcrs who woz up here n
East Ninevch last summer. Fun then, l
tell vcw There warn't a piece left on
that Massachusetts, onbchcvers biz as a
cloze-pm. Sumb'dy said that air radikel
he'd lost his mind. Las bust a0Ut iartin,
and sez he, I wouldn't pick 1t up cf !
faound 1t layin' raound cnnywherc.
THAT'S Las, he's tests quick flash.
He's barmy Gilyud all over. and biz
90. under the wagon tcw boot, dis the old
>ayin' Is.
Are the Ben Franklin pin, popular in
this town.
YES, Sir, and ev'ry where else. tcw-
Look here. view. Jest work INTO Your
lcctcrS suthin baou, them pills, and Las
q. >trtjSfv We. He woUldn mind pawn
We well for yer trubblc. Most cstouishiu
cures them pills : brought about Mis-
Witkum, daown here 10 the Four Cor
nerS. couldn't see aout ov her mead for
more a year, on account ov her havln' q.
both 20 wuncc, noorolagy and dispcpSy on
the Spinel marrer; but Las cured her up
with q cupplc O. boxes cleans "a wiS>cl.
Hiram Pcrkingss teeth was al a-gittin
loose. but a box and hart O the Ben
Franklin fixed en- in agin tight @ drum.
Hundreds o cases Jest Ike these j. vel
known IN aour caounty, and all over the
United States. Ny brother-in-aw, Ras-
tus Funk's bin in cv'ry port in the world
'ccp, Caitorny, and he SCI the craowucd
heads in Uup Is naow takin en- cv'ry
where Wish yc could hear the prcrtc>-
ser, with tears in his eyes, iudor>c 'Ras-
tu>'S S,atemunt,
The professor believes in the efficacy
Of the pills be Is dealing in So largely, l
suppose
That's SO; and wei he may. for they
saved his life when he had water on the
heart So bad.
"Wbcn was that;
'NcarS ago, when he was q Young man.
comparatively Speakin. Lets see: he
was tactcd with this water on The heart
when he was sent : q missionary into
the old Gypsum country. He tells the
story that when he got rort up a->peakin
20 them heather ladies and jUn,lcmen
over there on the bank Of the Nile, his
tcclnS was tew much for his strength,
and SO this water So, In, fust On his chist.
Poorly soon, he SCI, his heart gut be, up
T ..rrsI
thousands o dolluz, calm in the doctors
near and fur. No use, They al gin
him up, and he come home to die. One
day he overheard q man In New York say
the Ben Franklin pills was SURE remedy
for water on the heart. and LAS went IN
for box on en-; KEEP takiu' box artcr
box, and az the end o the fifteenth or SIN
tecnth box he don't naow zactly rlmom-
Der which It was, he begun % improve,
and the sizzGn stop, inside on him. Out
o ggatitood he excepted "a agency, and he $
gone on mtrodoocin them pills into cvry
quarter O the known globe. Turkey,
Proo>hy, Aysha. Chiny, everywhere most
he's introduced EN- bv word o maouth.
When he goes aout 20 Iuscy hc allcrs
stops at the palli>, and all the high
priests waits on him abaout. The gran
does thinks cv'ry thing on him aout there
in highland and BoOshy. Its good a
play 20 hear Iias tell over his travels
aout there. When he went 20 kanky-
moo. aoUt in Japan, moren "a hunderd
elefunts, all rugged up in golden jewills,
walked tew and tew in the rOyic perces-
sion 90 meet him on the wort LAS ser
the kings family wants him 20 come a0ut
there and Settel, but be uther thinks he
Shart dew il at present Hes dread
fully tached 20 this ere form o government,
but be may alter his mind, bymcby, and
pull up stakes agin Wish W could see
Prcrtesscr Thrum's kleck>hun ouro-i,iz hc
"a, together in Jru,lum: gut leetlc
piece o Maount Arrerroot 'mung en-,
and genowyne lock o. hair o the prodi-
"a, SON. One the most valoOablc things
he gut the stun that killed Collar: SCI
he wouldn't take ten Thousand dolluz for
It; BIN offered nine by the British guy
ment, Oyer'n over agin.
Il notice YOU call Mr.. Thrum Professor.
What IS he professor of"
Religion and doctorin' mostly, l
guess. His keerd runs. 'Prerfesser Las
J Thrlm-the Ben Franklin Self-sup-
portiu Pills, wholesale and retail -
From II Free Lecture Experiences by
T II Lii az JI,r..-'s Ty10-fos