Daily Republican., 1879-04-24
HUMOROUS.

he Ice Wnar6 tno wafer IL oHo HUI u'oP
md git up and enjoy the joke equal to
he bistanders, is either "a fool or a
,hilosopher--a phool probably.
Philosophy is fust rate thing to hav
ou, you kant alleviate the gout NTH it,
lnlsss the gout happens to be on some
'ther phellow'
Whiskee IL hard thing to convince.
therefore mover argy with drunken
nan.
For ages past the philosophers hav
been crying aloud on the street corners
and house tops, but the phools haV al
was run the world, and alwas will.
Tie only spiritualism that haz sue
ceeded yet, IL the kind that haz the
most fraud in it.
Thare IL a great deal of spekulashun
that spends its time trying to untwlst
the untwistable. This IL like sitting
down in wash tub trying to lit up tho
unliftable.
Young phools are comparatively
harmless it is the old phools that make
most of the trouble in this world.
Pitch in, young man he'd fust: and
lust recolekt this, the world don't owe
you but one thing, until you have
earned something, and that'z square
rAunsral.
If it wasn't for fashion large share
ov the world wouldn't know what
kind of clothes to wear to be kumforta-
bic.
A "pinkimpoop" IL individual who
IL not an idiot ackording to Webster,
but ore who would be just as well OFT II
he wuz.
A CANDID OPINION. A Detroit lawyer,
famous for his wise and candid opin-
ions, was the other day visited by a
Young attorney, who explained:
81 was admitted to the bar two years
ago, and | think | know something
about law, but the minute | rise to adj
dress a jury forget all my points and
can say nothing. Now | want to ask
YOU If this doesn't show lack of con
fidence in myself, and how can | over
ONE it
The wise attorney shut his eyes ant
s!u lied the case for a moment before
. swering:
"My young friend, if it is lack o
confidence in yourself it will some day
vanish, hut if it is the lack Of brain
you had better sell out your Office et
fects and buy pickax and lont
handled shovel
"But how am | to determine" anx
iously asked the young man.
Cpd buy the piosaxe anyhow ant
run my chances!" whispered the age
adviser, as he moved over to the pc
for his overcoat.- t.-"DetrOit Free Press.
A badly frightened stranger who's
dress betrayed the fact that he hadn'
much ready cash, called at the Contra
police station and complained that tw
men had been following him aroun
tor several hours with a view to rot
berry. "Well you had better leav
your money here until you get read
to leave town." suggested the captain
"But haven't got any-not dollar,
was the reply. "Then how can the,
rob you? That's 50, never, though
of that" chucklei the man a
his face frightened. "After they'v
gone to the trouble of knocking m
down and dragging me into some ale
they won't fird a red in my pockets
ba! ha! hal" He went away highly d
lighted, declaring that a great burde
had been taken off his mind.
In common with the rest of Il
world, DR.. Nj, an eminent Churt
of Scotland divine, lately visited II
Paris Exhibition. Shortly after h
arrival in the gay metropolis, an lrisl
man came running up to him on Il
street crying: "0ch, blessins on y
Docthor n! How are yez ~ "P
J. very WE'LL" replied the Doctor, rath
dryly. "And when did yrz come
Paris :" "Last week. But how
yoa come to know me ?" 'Give me
= shilling and I'll tell yez." The Dc
Tor, curious to knew how the fellC
found his name cut, gave him Il
, shilling, and was answered by Il
Irishrnan "Sure then, | saw yo
name on your umbrella"
A Judge once interviewed in an o.
:. way to prevent a waste OF words. /
l. was sitting in his chambers and seeil
" from a pile of papers in the lawyer
IS .ands that a certain case was likely
be long one, he asked: I" What
the amount in question ?" "Two dc
lars your honor" said the plaintiff
If counsel. "Pll pay it," said the judg
handing over the money. "Call Il
!: !; next case" An English judge W
: more patient. He listened for coup
of days to the arguments Of counsel
:, to the construction of an act, and final
J observed when they were done ::
Brothers, that act was repealed
year ago.
= "It seems to me your loaves are n
Of the same weight" muttered faul
finding house wife to baker, as 81
m poised couple of loaves from his pas
tt: 40 you supPo'o yo'
vi me ?" 81 don't want to cheat you
\. ~ replied the man of bread, not relishi
,ol such an irsinuatien 81 know I
.os es loaves were weighed, every soul
''' them, and one weighs just as much
II t'other, hy gracious! and more, TOO
III dare say, if the truth was Known
"a Soft answer" etc.-Fenale 81
or cure, "Oh, mister, Pm sure that wa
bad one =? Oyster Salesman indigna
B. ly): "What d. yer meant Then ,
shouldn't a. swallered it, mum l
- been in this trade matter Of o.
years, and never-" LADY: "W'
it certainly left nasty taste
II Salesman (mollifed): "Well, theI
an 1onuin' that Sopa nm ,am Ia 'ipl