New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-01-15

OOuuUeO like! d. .gWuOl6 JeWclIv StOIt
Fact, ma'am. Take some more cabbage"
s KS ' i, : Miscellaneous Items.
No bird is actually on the wing. The
wings are on the bird. sassrss l.... y y
stake away women asks writer,
s'and what would follow?" We would
Give us something harder next time.
It said that joaquin Miller is getting
to be less of an ass than he used to be.
He has had lis hair shingled and has
taken bath s5t.43 :. - r. Il s
A German having lost his only son, was
unable to account for the cause of his
death, as he was syoust so fat as butter,
and had such big teet.'- Ezmiro, N. Y.
ldgertiser. e~ -s s. n
Doesn't Boston harbo- remind you of
the Bay Of Naples?" asked an enthusi
astic yachtman. ''Yes," was the answer,
''st least in one respect. They are both
full ofwater." Ii 5srs4
Bigoted:-s on bigoted Niger said
Sam to Pete. Biqoted, what you mean by
dat?" asked Pete. "Why," replied Sam,
."biqoted means you know too much Tor
one niger, and not huff for two.':
Square umbrellas are reported as the
latest thing in Paris. That's nothing.
We have been useing square umbrellas a
long time, at least they are never round
when wanted Rome Sentinel. - p
An inveterate wag, seeing a heavy door
nearly off its hinges, in which condition
Of neglect it had been for some time OBJ
served, that when 1t had fallen and killed
some one, it would probably be hung.
A good character ish pretty much der
same to man ash goot umbrella. Ven
larg CLOUDS threaten over his head, all
he ish got to do vas to hold him up. and
der storm bases over, he is none der
worse. ~"s
i One time a lion met an elephant and
the elephant sed: ''You better go and get
your hair cut.'' But the lion sed: 'sBah!
shant resent feller's insult witch has got
his nose tween his own teeths. '--Littze
Johnny.
"Be ever ready to acknowledge favor, D
4 says a writer. We are, sir; we are. What
d troubles us is that on = one side we are
completely loaded down with readiness,
4 while;$en the other side opportunity is
painfully scarce. f
JOnes,the man who was recently tarred
lsand feathered in Reno, Cal, spends most
of his time in reading the hotel registers
Y in San Francisco He carries two load
edSrevolyers and will talk with nobody
It is surmised that he is insane. .'..
"a sort Of crazy Jack Cade was lately
before a London magistrate. He said he
was King Of his own right, and when
he got his kingdom every gentleman that
was gentleman should have a title, and
Z all the money should be divided so that
I all might share: alike. !
i Mrs. Clarke defeated her ssshakespeare
I Proverbs to Jerreld IN the following
words: f'Tos Douglas Jerrold, the first wit
of the present age these Proverbs OF
shakespeare, the first wit of any age, are
4 inscribed bY Mary CowaenF Clarke. of d
certain age and no wit at all.."' iA'@t
"Do you mean to say, spositively, mad.
am, said a'lawyer to witness, stthat the
person referred to never left his native
Village, after therday Of his marriage2''' q
sdo.",. Glow do you know he never did, p
Because saw him. buried in the VII.
! lase graveyard the same afternoon
i An inquisitive country gentleman thus
accosted a boy who was tending pigs
: aaBoy, whose pigs are tnose9" 'sfhe
sowAs sir," was the prompt reply. "Well
! then, whose SOW is it?n'asFat her's." swell
Ewell, who,is. your 9father2"iH.sI you will
mind the pigs, 4 will run home and ask
my mother l(,.g sGfs. tagy.,,,s
! At the funeral cfte once-famous actol
in New York, some time ago, considera
BILE delay was occasioned by the fact tina
the coffin would not fit in the side
), ), OF the hearse. Another hearse wa
brought, and d brother actor remarked
! You. might know this was poor BIS fun
Z eral. He was always late at rehearsal
F Before beginning the second pslam 70
the day, 9 Glasgow minister s>reachc.
/ down into his pocket and took pinch Q
: snuff. Even yet he cannot understan,
, what there was in the first verse s.of tn
; psalm to make the congregation smil
when be read, "My. soul cleaveth to til
: dust 81. 4
!. How much will you charge for a bo
logna sausage that shall reach from on
of my ears to the other?n asked soldie
s|s1n Berlin OF, dealer. ssFifty kreutzers,
was the reply. ~ take the offer, y reptile,
the soldier: zone Of my. ears was cut o.
e in battle a Thousand miles from here.
y Thereawas compromise. Exchange.
e 'atAlnewlyrwedded Pennsylvania coupl
}. visited Pittsburg, and for the first tim
Z Iintheir lives saw and .bauuht Soma naa