The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-01-31
WHAT The WITS SAY.
When printers grow old their marble
brows are marked with display head lines.
- Mean 0rTeonp p;ro,uua

brows are marked with display head lines.
-Neao Orleans Picayune.
Getting drunk, the Boston Post thinks, is
one of the greatest hindrances to temper
ance in this country. Press.
We acknowledge the receipt of two new
pieces of sacred music: Fold your arms
around me tighter" and "See that my
grave is not robbed" ."-Boston Post.
One Western editor calls another I" a Le-
viathan Ass.'' Brother, it amt right to
| critter. size man thus. - Whitehall Times.
"Pompey, why am de cross colored baby
like do butter cups of de valley?" "Gibs
er up, Jonas. Why am it?" "Why, one
am coIored yellow, amt it, and amt de
other colored yeller, too ?"-Dan5ury
News.
When old Shere has packed up his scep-
tre and crown in an old carpet-bag he turns
sadly to his son and says: "Yakoob, you
shust hold dot fort till I am coming was
60 to see a feller."
Here is horrible one from the fiend of
the New Haven Register " Don't venture
on thin ice, just now, boys. If you should
break through you might take a bad cold,
and, perhaps, have coffin fit"
Man may be the noblest work in creation,
but he doesn't think about it when on hear
ing his name called in the street he turns
and finds that it is only somebody calling
his dog.-LoujspiHe Couriey-Journa1.
The difference 'twixt tweedledum and
tweedledee is illustrated by the fact that
the rich man with great appetite is called
an epicure, and the tramp with great ap-
petite is called glutton.-Roms Sentinel.
A sharp, thirsty man now walks into
bar-room and asks if he can "put up" his
silk umbrella for drink. The bartender
acquiesces, the chap gets drink, raises his
umbrella and walks out. That's a dry
game. Utica Herald.
The moon (remarks the Bridgeport Stand
ard) is just the thing for coon hunting or
sleigh riding, but it isn't worth much for
gathering chickens, or talking about the
greenback movement over the frcnt gate
with another fellows girl
A correspondent wants to know if there
was ever dam thrown across the Missis-
sippi. Oh, yes, lots of 'em. During the
war Unionists and Confederates used to
come down on opposite sides of the river
and throw "dams" across to each other
frequently.
The cause Of to-day's paper being SO
scant was : A friend made this office pres
ent of one dozen bottles of the best liquor
ever drank by any set of printers on this or
any other planet, and the effects are still
felt.-Beauer, Utah, Chronicle.
Cold alcohol will clean windows nicely
and keep them free from ice. But that is
nothing to what warm alcohol, with few
cloves. lemon-peel and sugar mixed in, will
do for man on cold day. It will not only
keep his stomach from freezing, but also
make him feel as though he were king Of
the Sandwich Islands.
The champion long-nosed man resides at
Sacramento. Its owner was at bre kfast
when friend, seated on the opposite side
of the table, knowing him to be little
near-sighted, remarked, - THERE'S a fly on
the end of your ncse." "Is there?" re-
sponded the owner of the horn of plenty.
81 didn't know i1. Just please scare him
off; you're nearer to him than | am