The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1879-06-05
Ill Sorts Of Paragraphs.

"A Chinaman whose iatch was slow
told the jeweler "Too much by'm
bye"
- Some say that the quickest way to
destroy weeds is to marry widow. 1t
is, no doubt, most agreeable species of
husbandry.
For "it's a poor mule that won't
work both ways" in Yesterdays issue,
please read, ''it's poor rule" etc., e1-
plains on exchange.
- One of the saddest and most'vexa-
tious trials that come to girl when she
marries is that she has to discharge her
mother and depend upon a servant girl.
- Young ladies who wish to have
small mouths are advised to repeat this
at frequent intervals during the day:
Fanny Finch fried five aoundcring
frogs for Francis Fowler"
"A tiny spider dropped from the
ceiling into sleeping church members
mouth recently. 1t went down into the
mammoth cavern and pulled its web in
after it. Another warning against sleep
ing in church.
On a recent wedding occasion we
heard young bachelor, while carrying
some sugar plums around to the ladies,
offer his kindness in very questionable
sentence, punctuated as he had it: "Will
you take one, sugar plum"
- They were out riding. Said Theo-
dore, "What tree, Angelina, bears the
most precious fruit ?" Angelina-"Oh
Dory, 1 can't tell, unless it is a cherry
tree" Theodore looks unutterable sweet
ness, as he gazes into Angelina's eyes
and says, "The axle-tree, darling~
-"How did you come to get mar
ried ?" asked man of q very homely
friend. "Well, you see," he replied,
"after l had vainly tried to win several
girls that l wanted, finally turned my
attention to one who wanted me, and
then it didn't take long to arrange mat
ters."
Once upon an evening dismal l
gave her paroxysmal kiss, and called
her name baptismal; precious name I
loved of yore. All, she was darling
creature, pert of speech and fair of fea-
ture; but, egad, you couldn't teach her,
for she had been there before, and only
murmured, "Buss me MORE"
- When I was young man I was
always in hurry to hold the big end of
the log and do al! the lifting Now
that am older I seize hold of the small
end and do all the grunting. Wise men
make the mistakes and fools the blum
ders, and thisis about all the difference
between them.-Josh Billings.
"A citizen of Eureka having occa-
sion to 60 home unexpectedly q night or
two since, caught gentleman acquaint-
ance in the act of kissing his wife. On
relating the circumstance to friend, he
was asked if he punished the guilty
couple, and replied: "No, not exactly
but they must have seen from the way I
slammed the door that 1 was not salts
fedW
- Before marrying-"Oh, my little
darling, your voice is as musical to me
as the vesper bell whose tones fall softly
on the perfumed evening air! Speak
again and say those words, my beloved,
for I could listen to your voice until the
stars are extinguished in everlasting
nightp After marriage-"I've had just
enough of your clapper, old woman, and
if you don let up I'll leave the house,"
- a young lady from New York re-
Gently appeared at bail in Nice with
her dress decorated with radishes and
artichoke leaves. When asked by her
mother what she meant by such caper,
she answered, knowingly: "You hold
on, mama; the fellows here are awfully
backward. l must give them hint that
Pm in the market" Then she stuck
carrot in her hair, and caulihower in
her snowy breast, and looked Nice
enough to eat.
We often wondered why girls mar
ried. An Austin young lady, upon the
subject says: "Well, no, l don't know as
I'd marry for money alone, but if man
had plenty of money allied to sweet
disposition, and a moustache that curled
at both ends, and nice blue eyes and
respectable profession, and his father was
rich and his mother and sisters aristocra-
tic, and he wanted to marry me, and
would promise to let me have my own
way in everything, and keep me liberal
ly supplied with coin, and have nice
furnished house with a big piano in it,
and would give me two diamond rings,
and pay my dry goods, milliners and
dressmaker's bills without grumbling,
and I really and truly loved him-I
wouldn't consider his money any draw
back to the match"