The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-10-02
EVERY DAY sPICERIEs.

Is school examination skull race?
THOSE who lily tease, make others i'll
at ease.
CHARITY and a woman's tongue begin
at home.
AN undertaken gets his living where
another man dies.
EMULATE the mule; it is backward in
deeds of violence.
THE wales of the orphan are generally
produced by the stepfather.
PEOPLE with colds in their heads be-
long to generation of wipers.
THE fall trade is fair, and will improve
when slippery sidewalks arrive.
MILK is thirty-five cents gallon at
LeadvilIe. 1t is only drunk by the
creme de Ia creme.
A MAN who goes fishing should take
lunch along with him. He may get
no other bite.
ANYBODY is apt to be mistaken, but
boy never but once attempts to pat
short-horned bull on the head.
"How shall l finish my owl?'
you've got his eve. Now you'd
FEMAI base ball clubbery is failure,
but the ladies never could succeed in
anything base.
"TM engaged for this set," said the
hen to the rooster as she went clucking
away.
THE unfortunate cur who was the
under one in the fight had the satisfac-
tion of licking his chops afterwards.
GONE drop is all / ask" said the
burglar, as he dropped from the parlor
window and was off ON the wings of the
night.
In setting up an obituary notice re-
Gently typo put it " he left many worm
friends;" and the friends justified the
misprint by squirming over it.
A YOUNG lady who has suffered from
baggage-smashing," has had her trunks
covered with flannel this season, having
heard that flannelis chest protector.
If this wholesale destruction of the
monarchs of the forrest continues,
every stump-speaker in the land can
have country seat.
"THIs is late fall" said Heffelspin,
as he sustained midnight tumble. "To
be followed by an early spring" he added
as the tack he lit upon touched the
quick.
THIS is the kind of man the Penn
Yam Erprcss is: "a good lass is she
who, upon finishing a lunch in company
with her ownest own, turns her ruby
lips to him and says: "Now let us have
the dessert"
As the cool nights come on apace the
young man has more confidence in himself
and takes his girl out with drawer air,
because he knows he won't see blazing
ice cream sign staring him in the face
every two dozen steps.
SCENE, a horse car Enter an elabor-
ately dressed lady, diamond solitaires,
At first no one moves. Soon gentle
man offers his seat. "Thank you; you
are the only gentleman here. The rest
is hogs" Fact.-[Er.
DIDN'T at all expect company to-
day." said lady to her visitors, with a
not very pleasant look, but hope you
will make yourself at home" Yes,
indeed" replied one of them starting off.
81 will make myself at home as quick as
possible"
HUSBAND" Maria, my dear, you
seem to be very lonesome in my COM
pany. Do you not love me now as you
did before our marriagew Wife-"Why,
of course, Gerald, but you know since
our marriage we have become one, and I
feel lonesome without a second party"
A colored man was once asked why he
did not get married, "Why, you see,
sah," said he, " got an old mudder, an
! hab to do for her, ye see, sab, an if l
don't buy her shoes an stockin an
bread an butter she wouldn't get none.
! Now, eff | was to get married, l would
hab to buy dem tings for my wife, an
dat would be takin' de shoes an stockin'
an bread an butter right out o my
mudder's mouf."
WHEN We see two lady acquaintance
meet each other and then kiss, we won.
der why it has never been fashionable
for gentlemen to follow the same ex
ample. To see two cd cronies ceme ur
to each other and remove a chew Of
tobacco and then embrace, smacks 8
little of unspeakable bliss Owcgo Timfs
A LADY who has been spending the
summer at Lake Chautauqua says that
one of the steamers that passed Fail
Point at the time when the great Sab
bath School Convention was in progress
were three women, rather gaudily
dressed and wearing diamonds enough
to indicate that they had plenty Of
money. Their conversation was carried
on in loud voice and attracted consid
erable attention. In front of Fair Point
stands statue of Faith. "See that piece
of stationary" said no one. 81 wonde,
who it is. 1t must be Jupiter" "No,'
said number two, ait looks more like
Venus" "Wen," said number three
anyway it's one of those people in the
Bible"