Connecticut western news., 1879-08-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

-h0Al1uB moulut1S
 --Blarney stone-A sham rock.
 -Grumbling-Spirits of whine.
 -Fuss-The idle mans business.
 Waste of T-Putting it in depot.
 -Labor-saving machine
 Family ties-Nine children and
 -Ellip-tical-Girls swapping kisses. Not miss-A pretty young widow. How can the sea run when it's tied ? Ever see tooth from the gum of a tree?
 The nose is the scentre of civiliza- ton.
 For heat Philadelphia rules the roast.
 You can't clear your conscience with an egg.
 -Bloomer-A woman who pants for notoriety.
 A duck of lover makes goose of husband.
 What kind of braces do ladies prs. fer? Embraces. ..t
 Your esteem for child cannot rise higher than its sauce.
 He that to laughter never gives birth, Is dead-at least he's passed away from mirth.
 -[Yonkers Gazette.
 No matter how honorable an eques- trian may be, he always goes back on the horse he rides.
 We hear of men sowing wild oats, but who ever heard of woman sewing anything but tares?
 A white man who had married a negress offered color blindness as an ex- cuse.-[ Boston Courier.
 Man wants but little here below. True, and saleratus in the breakfast bis- cult is no exception to the general rule. A man who had his arm broken on the railroad had free ticket offered him for life. That was adding insult to in- jury. ...-.......-...- ..... F.
 -8i-A- esraat trouble with professional ball clubs is to find prJyuUr will hold water--only.- New Haven Reg ister.
 Who cut your hair?" is a slang Western expression. but to give 1t full force it should be addressed to bald headed man. ..t.
 Never tell m m who is using re- storative that his hair is coming out nicely such 8 compliment might seem somewhat ambiguous.
 He who would amass virtues, leav- ing out the guardian virtue humanity, is like man who leaves precious dust exposed to the wind.
 The keenest abuse of our enemies will not hurt us 80 much in the estima- tion of the discerning as the injudici aus praise of our friends.
 No man is wiser for his learning 1t may administer matter to work in or oo- jects to work upon but wit and wisdom are born with @ man.
 The highest ambition to which some men ever aspire, is to be able to pick their teeth in front of the leading hotel of the city in which they live.
 A magazine writer says the Germans "turn naturally to music" We thought it was the Italians who "turned most naturally to music.-[Nor. Herald.
 A young lady was undecided wheth- CT to accept the addresses of James or John. James gave her sealskin sacque, and she immediately gave the sack to John.
 r There is man in this city who has been angry for thirty years on stretch. It is the worst case of standing choler that we ever knew.-[Cincinnah Satur- day Night.
 Advice to the young: Eat oysters only in the months that have an "r " ln their names, and drink whisky only in the months that have "k" iu their
 The ex,Khedive to New York "Since I made you present of the obelisk I have failed in business Couldn't you allow me $3o or $4o fol it it?"-[Cincinnati Enquirer.
 Sunday school teacher: "You m 1s' recollect that all am telling you hap pened one thousand eight hundred ant seventy-nine years ago." Pupil: "Lor' miss, how the time do slip awayV
 MT. George Rope, of San Frau cisco, got drunk and proceeded to bath in the public fountain. They arrested him, not wanting any tight.rope exhibi tions in the street. Detroit Free Press
 -"Aw, it is not to be wondered at, remarked MT. Toplofty as he adjuste' his eyeglass, "sea bathing has grow unpopular, becawse, you see, aw, tn [ yulgah herd took to the watah, and has become vewy much soiled. "-[ Ne' l Haven Register. els this the place ?' she asked, g she wandered down on the barren sands "where young lady beautiful youn . lady-fell in the water last season an was rescued by gallant young ma /. whom she afterward married ?" Il u looked at her carefully, estimated h' - at a square forty-seven, with false teetl
 and said: "Yes, madam, but l don y know how to swim, ,"=- Indianapol News,