The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-03-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

I'll
kevholc but fired through 1t AT II man "ho''
talk offended her
Sandwich man has been rendered and refused
a Government appointment to an indian agency
!, Colorado. Barum is looking for him.
Marx Twain refuses to pray in public. lie says
,,c only time he attempted it the effect was lost
~, his hearers, rs they could see II" nun IN H.
A number of sreator girls were made sex ny
motto lozengcs. 1t was the answers thH' u'S"'
greed with them, perhaps
The Philadelphia Cd,oaicic announces the val
uablc discovery that an organ grinder never IT,
,,sits Il nlacc where the people have dropped
Limburgcr into his hat
\ correspondent asks us TO give nm inc
,mount of the public debt. We would do IL III Il
minnie. but we left our pockct-book at nome IN
our other pants
The sinners of Mendoza were badly shaken up
recently by the powerful preaching OF II revival,
,st and conversions were plenty until thcy found
out that Inc was circus man.
Noah was the first good templar He lived on
water forty days.-N y. Observer. les, ana 'hch
h. rot tight on wine. Besides every other man
in The country was killed by the experiment
bachelor who lately died in Manchester
ENGLAND, left his property to the thirty women
who had refused his matrimonial offers. lie said
in his will that to their reiusals he owed inc
ne,cc he had enjoyed during life, and that he felt
himself their debtor
The editor of the Streator FIRE Press, returning
from recent temperance meeting in that burg,
was caught with another mans hat on MS hcau'
With well simulated innocence nc claimed that
he must unconscogsly have exchanged hats Win
como one Being an editor, however, the qucs
,ion is still An spcn one, did he have hat OF his
own:
When Kathnrinc's husband was arrested for
correcting that lady with strap, he said it was
. pity that man should be pulled for strappnS
his skate.
Susan B. Anthony is mentioned by the New
York Hcgo,6 as the new maplesugar OF the west
This is doubtless the HtydM mans sly way OF
saving that Susan is Just old sweetness.
Execrablc punning like the following appears
10 be the peculiar vocation OF the Aurora Ac'rS
TO which We credit 1t, though clipped from an
iowa paper;
4 Young man who fancied he had the fever Is
quite low from the effects OF an overdose ol on
'the affair has apercntly castor gloom over the
community He'll feel oil right bimc.hy
BLAINE's REASON WHY.
For his mother is a washcrwOmsn
And he is q Chinaman,
But ne might have been an Engshman,
Or a Niger, or Digger
Or any other fellow.
But he is Il C,Danan.
All, Bah!
Kick him, for he is Chinaman.
There is young lady over at Pckin by the
name of Lcpg. who + said to be very pretty. |
Another in Atlanta by the name OF Cruikshanks.
Such funny names, to be surc.-fdrmcr city he |
s,cter. Yes, and we know a lady by the name of
Clymer, but you can safely bet she shows mo-
well, that last name.
In Aurora they do not fine man for striking 4 |
fool Mayor Bishop carcsscd the wooden head
ofB + Parks, and jury decided that he ala the
correct thing If Providence could be prevailed
nDon to do the square thing by TINS neck ol
woods, Parks would wake up some morning and
lind himself blownup by lightning. -Etg'n Ledd.
There are about dozen young men who claim
70 be editors and proprictors of the Joliet NerS.
When the N,1cs said Dave Wcincr had been called
upon by lady with horscwhip he got mad and
undertook to wallop the Nt'cs fraternity, begin
ming with Frank Hail. II will take HIM " years
to finish the Nc,cs if he gets along no faster with
the rest than he did in whaling Frank
ITHERS As oURSIL' SEE THEM.
There was II young man out at Niles,
Whose Back was all covered with Boils;
By his horse he was throWeo
And dragged along "A Log Road,
And his wells could be heard for ten miles
4 maiden at fair kankakcc
Did not from Bulls foot know y,
But her Pa she implorcd
TO get on the School Board
Thus q First-class Diploma got she.
There i, an old gent at Peru
Whose age is lG2;
He never Saws wood
And his Eyesishts not good
All Of which is rcfrcshingly new
\ minister up at Oshkosh
Cribbcd q sermon from DR.. McCOsh
Aud scared with such flights
To philosophy'S heights
That his Listeners said it was Bosh.
\ muscular girl AT Wahasha
Was insultcd one day by Il "Masher.
He appeared, when She done,
~ if hr had been run
Through mower and reaper and thrcshtr
Ihicdgn Tribune.
Cease your mourning, There was no truth III
the story Of the massacre Of thirty Indians by the
settlers in Idaho few weeks ago. But it was
from no lack Of good will on the part OF the set
tiers LO wasn't there.
\ lady writer is out with article entitled
How to Catch Il Husband" But her theory is
all wrong. Ask any married woman how tol
catch husband, and she will reply, "By the
hair" They all do it,"
Owing 10 the hard times there is good deal of
suffering in Oil City. A poor man there offered
10 pawn n dozen eggs, pound of sugar, quart
Of molasscs and half peck of potatoes for n
glass Of whsky.-NoyriStOirH HT0id.
Stanley, while away down in Central Africa,
discovered one or two tribes so hopclcssy, des
uairinvly sunrrmcly ignorant that they didn't