The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-07-29
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
The Six HONEST FARMERs.-I knew
u man OnCe---Jake MasOn--who went to
u donation party where six farmers
were to contribute a jug Of milk apiece.
well, one man, a very mean man,
thought 1t would mako IL difference
to put water in place of milk; 80 he
filled rp a Jug with water aud took 1t to
the donation. When he got there he
turned over the bung and ran it into
barrel whore all the farmers poured
their milk. Now what do you think
was tho result? Why, every one of the
ak farmers happened to be rs mean as
Jake Mason. They all brought water.
IT IS SAID that the woman who hesl-
tates Is lost. This Is not always the
case, however. Quite frequently 1t is
the other woman who is coming right
back of her and doesn't see her stop to
pick up her dress. In one instance last
Sunday, Oh Main street, the woman
who ran against tho other was thrown,
and In falling split breadth In her
own silk with her own sunshade.
Ladies in pauslng to get the proper
hold of their skirts should ring bell or
step out into the roadway.
->-
AsTR1DE a log sat Sam and and an-
other sinner engaged in little game
or seyen-up, when minister ap-
preached, who, after a solemn eontem-
platton of tho game, laid his hand upon
Samueps shoulder and said "DIy friend
Is that tho way to save your soul %
"Porhaps not" answered Sam, who,
having just played n card, was atten-
lively considering his hand, 'tperhaps
not, but 1t seems about tho best thing l
| can do to save my jack"
JUST before the public schools in New
Haven closed tor the vacation, lady
teacher III one Of the departments gave
out tho word "fob" for her class to
spell. After it was spelled, as was her
custom, she asked the meaning of 1t.
No one knew. The teacher then told
the class she had one, and was the only
ono In the room that did. Atter a,little
whilo hand went hesitatingly IN.
"Well, what Is it?" "Please a'am,
it's beau"
"WHo's that frizZly, black-huired
woman talking to my husband on the
ottomanp" aSho's a Mrs. Cadogan
Smythe." Indeed! She's very good
at tlattertng people should say; and
knows how to lay 1t on pretty thick -
ooh you infer that from her attitude
and expression ?" "Oh, dear, no From
my husband'sn'
"WHAT made you quit the East? ?"
said man In Nevada to u newcomer.
Il got into trouble by marrying two
wives," was the response. "Well " said
the other, 81 came out here because l
got into trouble by marrying only one
wife," "And i" added bystander,
"came out here because | got into trou-
bic simply by promising to marry
OLD inebriate (who can't be made to
| understand that they want the number
of his house,: "My numb'rP How dar'
! you, pliceman? Mos graceful. You
so drunk don't know fare from driver |
It's driver on box has numb'r; fare in
side no numb'r. Pm fare No numb'r."
And they have to knock at every door
In Cover street till they find where he
lives.
AS TO KIssING.-When a Trenton girl
wants kiss she says "Darl;ng," gives
her fellow look that goes through him
| like a galvanic shock, leans q little
closer--and the work is done. Over
in Camden county the girls are very
high-tOned, and their way is thus: eff
you have not been drinking, and will
promise not to drink any more, I'll lot
you press your lips to mine, which, as
yet, are unprofaned by kiss"
THIS Is the time of year when the
angler calls at the newspaper office an d
informs tho editor thrt he caught a cat
fish weighing eight pounds betwee the
eyes, and measuring twenty-scven
inches in weight. And the editor looks
incrcdulous, and mentally observes
"that's a whopper," because the fish
doesn't accompany the angler.
81 AN afraid, dear wife, that while
| am gone absence will conquer love-"
ooh. never fear, dear husband, the
longer you shall stay away the better
shall like you."
GRACE (whispering): "What lovely
boots your partners got, Maryl" Mary
(ditto): eyes, unfortunately he shines
at the wrong end"
| DIGNITY becomes a man, but when
your hat and a gentle zephyr have abou t
n rod the start of you, dignity becomes
Of as little consequence as a last years
calendar.
TIE best and most honorable way to
keep mans love Is to return 1t.
BOARDING house spring chickens have
been macadamiZed.
i