The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-05-24
NUN BIER 6.
PASSING SMILES.

READING merely Tor pastlme, without
any moral aim, is thing TO be guarded
| against.
IMMORTALITY opens large hope, that
may overpay the most unspeakable
bitterness of life.
BE true to your friend; never speak
of his faults to another, to show your own
discrimination.
WHEN proud man is rolling out an
ash barrel, horse car loaded with
fashionable ladies generally passes by.
THE Whitehall Times truthIully says
that Live business men advertise in
newspapers, dead ones on the graveyard
tomhstones."
! CAN'T be beet-A parsnip. Some
thing to be looked into A mirror. Pay
ing the Iper-Settling with the gas
filter.
ONE of the most interesting sights in
| life is that of spirituelle young lady
sharpening lead pencil with table
kniie.-New York star.
JAPANESE farms average about one
acre each in size, and it doesn't take for
ever to hunt up the COWS in the pas
ture.-Ne,o Hdpen Register.
WHAT a hostof memories it brings up
to drag forth last years white vest and
find dime snugly ensconced in one Of
the pockets l. Neao York Fapress.
WHEN ladies order slippers couple
of sizes too small for them, you can
make up your mind that the croquet
season is on its way Waterloo Observer.
ONE elephant with show used to be
sufficient to bring in all the country
people to town, but now it takes q
dozen to do that. The elephant is losing
his influence on the masses.
SOME of the religious weeklies are so
jealous for Fastening the coming of the
reign Of peace on earth as to frown down
every kind of aschism, even to witticism.
Boston Transcript.
ONE grocer asked another: els
Colonel - a man to be trusted p al
think you'll find him So" was the reply.
If you trust him once you'll trust him
forever. He never pays"
A MANS manners usually grow better
or worse in inverse ratio to remote or
near acquaintanceship. In other words,
he keeps his manners, as he does his best
clothes, for holidays and company.
"IowA has two hundred and twenty
four brass bands" Now, says the
Norristown Herald, we understand the
drift of long editorial entitled "The
Gloomy Outlook" which recently
appeared in an Iowa paper.
"DEAR singerl Thou hast never
ta'en my hand, and looked into my face
all tenderwise," sings Mary Clemmer
to John G.. Whittier. OF course he
hasn't, Mary. He is no such man.
LoweA Courier.
"CAN you tell me- my DEAR" said smiling wife
To her grave and earnest lord,
"Why this bill that is duly ours by right,
Resembles the negro horde
That Is leaving the South so fast OF late
And creating such fuss7'
And she answered his stare Of bewilderment,
" Because its an X-owed-us "
= Toledo Commercial
THE Detroit Free Press man is evil
IDENTIFY cleaning house. Hear him:
Just ask the druggist for some of that
stuffto keep the mosquitoes away He'll
tumble in a minute, and If you keep
the front blinds closed no one will see
you at work on the bedstead."
"WHAT is faith~ asks a subscriber.
We haven't got our catechism handy;
should say it was writing to rich uncle
for loan of some money and believing
you will receive favorable reply. One
trial of this nature eradicates faith as
efectually as If Georgia mule had
kicked it.-Totedo Commercial
PEOPLE have already ceased to wonder
at the telephone, the monograph has
become an old thing, and what the pub
lie demand Of Mr.. Edison now is ma
chine that will stand at the kitchen
door and knock the head of the first
tramp that asks for lemon ice and two
kinds of cake.-Bwlington Hawkeye.
A MAN and his wife can never agree
upon what constitutes tidy-looking
room woman will grow irritable when
she finds half-a-dozen cigar stumps stick
| ing to the scorched mantelpiece, and he
ant be expected to keep calm when he
finds bunch of long "combings" in
his shaying-mug.-Pu Puck.
THERE is an easy way out Of almost
any difficulty il you are only philoso-
pher Say, for example, that man
called you a miserable scoundrel, or any
other harsh name, you have only to make
up your mind that he is an ignorant
puppy and no Judge of human nature,
and your mind will be set at rest imme-
diately.
| A LOCK of mans hair in lady's
fingers before marriage indicates that
signing lover is thinking of her; but a
lock Of mans hair in lady's fingers
after marriage, is as surely indicative Of
yelling chap, as the yell of agony when
the owner says: Jerusalem, Marian, let
gol O-o-uch Golly, don't pull sop
Bradford Era.
How thoughts do crowd to the point
of the pen after it begins to journey
down the page, although they were
never SO tardy at first. Just like life.
When we start, how few can we per-
suade to assist in our enterprises, but
when we succeed how plentifully friends
gather around us.-11mers Falls Re
porter.
= A WOMAN may revel in silks and sat-
ms; she may make her beauty resplen-
dent with diamonds and opals; she may
attire herself in the most delicate colors
until she looks sweeter than the burst of
dawn on Paradise; but at the same time
she will condescend to tie her hair up
with the flag end OF pair of superan-
uated penny shoestrings.-New York
Star.
A MOVEMENT Is IN progress among the
members of the Society of Friends in
Philadelphia for the formation OF settle