The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-12

ion on o certain Sunday, not very long !
ago, in Western village, handed the
plate to a stranger, who said: Ito on,
I'm a deadhead-I've got pass. =
Atlanta Constitution.
He was disguised boy. He had exer-
cised great caution and had finally
in crawling, unobserved, under
the canYass into the tent. And he found
it was not circus, but revival meeting
in progress.
When some women get to be angels
they'll spend half of their time comparing
the feathers on their wings. and the other
half flying around looking in their neigh
bors' second story windows. --Etna'rG
Gazette,
Il would box your ears, said young
lady of Bellefaste to her stupid and tire
some admirer. if III WhatP' he |
anxiously asked. "If," she repeated, 4
could get box large enough for the pur-
pose. Paris Paper.
Conductor, why did you not wake me
as | asked you? Here | am two miles
beyond my station"
Conductor-'1 did try, sir, but all |
could get out of you was, All rightMaria;
get the children their breakfast and I'll
be down IN minute"
The play was at It's height in the card
room of a we'll known club, and from a
distant corner was heard: I'VE are two
to two" by Jove? we are two to two
too, responded player at an adjoining
table. No wonder that German there
present ikened our language to French
horn. -Mitford Chronicle.
Il didn't at all expect company to day."
said lady to her visitors. with not very
pleasant look, but | hope you will make
yourselves at home" Yes, indeed" re-
piled one of them starting off, Twill make
myself at home as quick as possible -
st. LOUIS Times
john. did you take the note to MIR.
Jones?" Yes; but don't think he can
read it. why so, John?" Because
he is blind, sir, W lille was in the room
| he axed me twice where my hat was, and
it was on my head all the time. - Wayne
Press.
Mamma, don't think the people who
make dolls are very pious people" said a
little girl to her mother one day. why
not, my child?" Because you can never
make them kuee. always have to lay
my doll on her stomach to say her prayers.
Toronto Globe.
A little Waterloo Sunday,school miss
was asked by her teacher" What must
people do in order to go to heaven?" Die,
| suppose" replied the little one, The
teacher did not question her any further.
San Francisco Newsletter.
| Many man who scoIds his wife because
things are not just to suit him at home will
be as placid as a custard pie and as mild
as milk at fashionable summer resort,
and where nothing is so good as it is in bis
own house, and he knows it. 1t takes g
man to do that ,Steubenville Herald.
A young man made his appearance al
Deadwood last week in a pair of white
E trousers. He was promptly escorted tc
the cars, put on board of them, and an
: injunction placed upon him never to re
visit the place, I'VE can stand billed
shirt, you know" miner exclaiu ed, "but
when it comes to wearin' billed drawers We
just make them git up and git.
You have given me Scotch whisky,
asked for Irish" complained hurried i'm
j. biber. Never mind said the publican
fancy it's Irish" The man drank III
the liquor and made for the door. "Stop!
J cried Boniface, you haven't paid me-
Never mind, fancy l have" said his Gus
! toner, and away he went.-Sdlem Nv
: ~ Repiee0.
, Preault dined one day with a misery
painter, who gave him to eat soft-boiiet
egg and little vinaigrette, washed dowI
with some Sureshes of bad year. Nv
will repeat this little debauch," said hi
e host, folding up his napkin, whenever yoI
: like" All right" said Preault, glarinl
e at his entertainer with hungry eyes" sup
pose we repeat it now. French Pit.
A seedy-lookipg individual stepped int
one OF our gentlemen's furnishing stores
: recently, and asked for a pair of four pl,
) cuffs. The articles were handed him, AM
- be examined them 10 dubious sort Q
y way and then remarked: See here
these amt the right thing. l want tn
y four-piy klnd-them that you can tur
70 four times without washing"
- 4 young woman, who had never Iearpe
the gentle art Of cooking, being DESTROYS G
lmpressing her husband with her know
N edge and diligence, manages to have th
If kitchen door aiar on the day after thei
+ return from their bridal tour, and Just a
70 her lord comes in from the office, exelaim
- loudly: Hurry up, Eliza, dol Haven
: you washed the lettuce yet? Here, Civ
it to me; where's the soap?"
of Theodore" observed solicitous youp
err mother to her husband, Il think I wi
not let little George attend Sunday-scho,
any more. find the poor boy is quit
feverIsh tonight, and his feet are all bill
? tered" Upon hearing which Georgia il
:, wardly groans, for next Sunday they wer
l. to meet for the last time to settle th
Id number of quarter~miles walked, and h
be knows DOW that chance for any share j
co twenty-five cents gate money is gone fo,
- ever. -I2tsbnrg Chronicle.
~ Old Phineas Rice was one Of the QUAR-
~ types of itinerant Methodist preacher
q He had hard patch to cultivate one
be aud wnen be made his report to the co,
&c. ference following he reported the churc
- looking VI" The bishop presiding G,
~ pressed his pleasure, but asked for an e,
IT. PLANTATION, because 20 one expected succe
RS in that parish. DR.. Rice was equal
10 the occasion, and added: well, bisho
- the church is on its back and can't loo
So any other way" There was a roar
re laughter all over the conference. Phil
Ill Press
or Three young men went bathing at She
Y. don ; Point, ne-r Oswego. one night la
= week. When they had rubbed themselv
down and were ready to dress, one of the
missed his shirt. 1t was most mvsterio,
affair. No one had been seen on the shor
and nothing else was missing. Viii
n they were searching Cor the shirt sob,