The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-12-11
PASSING SMILES.
LATEST things in boots-holes.

PASSING SMILES. @ &
LATEST things in boots-holes.
THE golden rule-get as much gold
as possible.
NECESSITY is the mother of Thomas
Edison.
THERE are two things that fellow
can't do at the same time-hold good
looking girl on his lap and not kiss her.
Brooks
LEADvILLE has two coroners, one for
day and one for night work. Leadville
is very convenient and cheerful place
to die in.
LAWYER to witness" Did you say
that an incompetent man could keep a
hotel just a. we'll as anybody9" Wit
ness" No, said an inexperienced
man could" ~
COULDN'T you lend me $5f' " Yes,
| could, but | won't" Then do you
think l wouldn't pay you back p " Yes,
you would, but you couldn't"
A KENTUCKY man was hit in the leg
by bullet while on his knees in prayer.
Such a thing might not occur again in
Kentucky in 1000 years.-HarJord
Kansas Enterprise.
Contemplate your first baby-you
will remember that he amounted to a
great deal, and something over."-
Mark 1aOain. True, true; he amounted
to good deal and something to carry.
WHERE'S your partner, this morn
ing, Mr.. Hyson?" the neighbor asked
the grocer. "Don't know for certain, D
cautiously replied the old man, che
died last night. p Burlington HaaDkeye.
The only difference between a pig
making a glutton of itself, and mar
making pig of himself is, that the pig
at some future day will be cured.
Now Julius loved pretty girl g
And when he wished to please her,
He grabbed her up in both arms
| And shrieked, " See Julius seize her.
PROFESSOR PROCTOR has been deliver
ing a lecture in New York on "The I'm
mensity of Space" Can Mr.. Proctor
tell what space is?-Erening Journal
First tell him whether you mean a three
EN-, thin, or hair space.
THE Lockp rt Union thinks 8 is mex
to nothing. Why, Ives, we thought yo,
had been there often enough to know
that "nein" was nothing-but, come t,
think, perhaps Lockport people neve
do decline nything.- Yonkers Statesman
ALFONSO was Obliged to borrow So,
600, 900 for his wedding expenses. Ii /.
fellow in this country could borrow
couple of millions on such an occasion
the Boston Transcript thinks. ther,
wouldn't be neglected spinster from
Maine to Texas. ...-.
BROAD is the road that leads to debt
And thousands walk together there;
Prompt payments find narrow rut,
With here and there passenger.
-Toronto Graphic.
The poetic instinct which slumber
within the breast of everybody onl,
slumbers for short time. Every man
woman and child imagines that, he o
she is born poet. The waste-basket
of the land prove it.-Mw Haze,
Register. ...-..s ia.
A FAMILY is like an equipage. First
the father draught-horse; next, til
boys, the wheels for they are alway
running around; then the girls, the,
are surrounded by fellows; the baby oc
cupies the lapboard; and the mother
well, what's wagon without tongu
anyhow?
BATHER (thrusting bis head despair
ipgly out of his box)-" Hi, boy
bo-oy p Boy-"SirT' Bather-"Wher
are my pants? l left them here when
went in, and now can't find any trac
of themW Boy (having sought vainl
for them on every side)-" Quite sur
you had 'em on when you came her,
sirw
GOOD music hath charm, says tn
Elmira Advertiser, and sometimes W
would prefer little more charm an
less music. We also love Sleep 1t
then we can't see so much charm j
music as other people. We don't kno'
who left the above sentiment on ou
desk, but it is pretty good thing t
swear by on general principles.
WHEN you see melancholy man i
an editorial room, tearing his long ha
and moaning to himself as he double
over onhis desk, you must not imagin
that he is writing up bloody murde
or a boiler explosion. He is the funn
man, carrying out the mirthful mo
sells. s."'-&. Louis SPIRIT.
A GENTLEMAN who had been dinin
out the night before went into barbt
shop to be shaved He saw that th
barber had been taking more than W.
good for him, for his hand shook yer
much; and, naturally indignant, be b
gan to give him little moral advice
saying: "Bad thing, drink?" dyes
said the barber, 2" It makes the SKI
awful tender" ID: