South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-05-23

A little girl scrambled into her Ghcle's
lap, and rubbing her velvety hands over
has two or three days growth of beard,
exclaimed, in much surprise, 'Oh, nam
ma, unky's got splinters all over his face
A gentleman noticing that his wife's
bonnets grew smaller and smaller. and
the bills larger and larger, calmly said
81 suppose this will go on until the mil.
liner will send nothing but the bin.'
A public speaker once said: every
tub must stand on its own bottom" A
sailor jumped up and asked, "But, sir
suppose 1t has no bottom?" "Then les
no tub" returned he, quickly, and wcat
on with his discourse.
Good morning, Mr.. Brown. you're
first at last you used to be behind be.
fore, but l notice you have been getting
early of late"
The sight of young man with gun
across his shoulder compelling well
known physician TO march before him.
drew crowd in New Albany, Indiana.
The physician had insultcd young wo.
man, and was on his way, under compul.
sion, to apologize.
The practice Of carrying on a continu.
Gus conversation,so vigorously practiccd
10y certain individuals during the pro-
grcss of musical and other entertain.
p-ents, ought 70 be put stop to. The
other evening at concert q gentleman
exclaimed: "What nuisance" as a
young fcp in frcat of him kept talking
IN loud voice TO a lady by his side
"Did you refer to me, SIR" threaten
ingly demanded the youthful swell.
ooh no [ meant the musicians there,
who keep up such noise with their in.
strnncnts that can't hear your CONVEX.
satlon," was the sarcastic and prompt
reply.
One of the saddest and most yexatious
trials that come to a girl when she mar
rics is that she has to discharge her mo-
thcr and depend upon servant girl.
A young lady while on her way to be
married was run over and killed. A
confirmed old maid savagely remarked ::
''She has avoided more lingering and
horrible fate"
A little girl, after profound reflection,
sitting in her little chair by the fire,
asked, Mamma, how does a. stcp-motl.
CT walk T"
"No, thank you; l never waltz ma
says if any of the young men want to
hug me they must do it on the sly she
wont have them missing my dress up,
and leaving finger marks on my white
waist, so long as she does the washing
and has to support me"
a family is like unto an equipagc.-
First, the father, the draught horse the
boys the wheels, for they arc always
running around; then the girls. they are
surrounded by fellows. The baby oc-
cupies the lapboard an! the mother
well, what's wagon without tongue,
anyhow?
a contemporary supposes, that when
n woman has obtained all the pin-money
she wants she has obtained the pinnicll.
Ell Of her happiness.
A lady teacher gave out the word fob
for her class to spell After it was
spelled, ms was her custom, size asked
the meaning Of it. No one knew. The
teacher then told the class she had one
and the only person in the room that
had. After little while a hand went
hesitatingly mp. Well, what is it?'
lease ma'am, it's. beau.
How THEY NAME IT.-The horny-ha
dcd workman calls it pay : the skilled
mechanic, wages : the city clerk, 'sala-
ry;' the banker, income : landowner
revenue : a lawyer, fees; a burglar
'swag but it all comes to the same
thing at the end OF Tie week - FD,ny
Folk.
An exchange relates that n colorcd
child had fall from second-story win
dow. the Other daY. md ihe mother. I'm