Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1879-02-11
A SMUGGLING JOKE
How Artsmus Ward and His Advance
Agent Played Il on Each Other.

Artemus Ward was lectsring, with
his panorama at Salt Lake, in Canada,
and as business was good he was in
corresponding high spirits, and his
pockets we're full Of coin.
The day before they were to leave,
Smith, his advance agent, told Ward
that as silks were so much cheaper in
the British Possessions than in the
United States he had purchased a
large piece of silk, and was going to
take it to his wife as a present. Ward
was pleased with the idea, and in the
same confidence told Smith that he
had also purchased a piece of melton
cloth, and both conferred with each
other as to the best way to secrete the
goods as to pass the eustom-house.
Ward suggested to Smith to wrap
the silk around his body, and Smith in
turn advised Artemus to place his
cloth within the folds of his panorama
of Salt Lake. They each agreed to
take each others advice, and Smith
LETT the next morning to 90 over to
the States in advance. The bundle of
silk woond around him made him feel
quite uncomfortable, especially when
he came to the custom-h house and COM
menced interrogating about his bag
gage.
The official was very polite and
passed his baggage without a murmur.
and then invited him into his private
office, handed him a cigar, and begged
him to take a seat.
The heat of the room began to make
Smith very uncomfortable, and he
rose to go.
BE seated, sir said the official, Il
want to have a little chat with you"
No, | must be going" said the
genial John. Il can't stand sitting so
long, and then I've a great deal to at
tend to-"
You seem to be a very stoutish kind
of a man. said the officer.
Yes said Smith, his face getting
red and the warmth from the silk in
%creasing, I'm pretty solid, but l can't
stand a hot room"
Abr said the inspector, "what's
the trouble? Anything the matter
with your chest or lungs?"
Only a slight oppression" replied
Smith.
Oppression about the lungs!" ex-
claimed the officer, rising and advanc-
ing toward the suffocating agent. Let
me make an examination for you, sir
it may be dangerous. Please remove
your coat"
Its nothing; it will soon pass
away" replied Smith, inwardly pray
ing for a chance to escape.
My dear friend, you should not all
low yourself to suffer a moment said
the officer, and | insist upon examin-
ing your chest. Doubtless / can re-
lieve you of all your trouble"
The inspector insisted, and the dis
cOmtitted agent, after vainly trying to
escape from his solicitation finally
acknowledged the corn, and confessed
to having the concealed silk upon his
person.
The officer laughed heartily. and
said II knew it all the while. Here's
a letter | received this morning"
And he handed Smith a letter written
by Ward, informing the inspector that
a smuggler would endeavor to pass a
quantity of silk, describing Smiths
appearance, and claiming one-half of
the reward for the information. Smith
was indignant, of course, but deter
mined to get even with the incorrigi-
BILE joker, so he told the officer about
Ward having the roll of cloth con-
eealed in his panorama.
The Inspector appreciated the Joke
and let Smith go with a small penalty.
The next morning Artemus Ward
arrived at the custom-house with his
panorama, when the inspector com
menced interrogating him, and insisted
upon his letting him have a glimpse of
his beautiful pictures.
Ward tried every excuse, but the
official wa importunate, and finally
he was compelled to have his man I'M
wind one section of the panorama be-
fore the inspector.
Artemus stood by and explained the
views until suddenly the cloth came
to light, and as it slowly unwound in
front Of the pictures Ward struck an
attitude like his performance upon the
stage and in the drawl of the exhibit
tor said This view is slightly in
numbered with twenty yards Of melton
cloth. That Smith told you all about
it. What's the damage?"
The inspector Don settled the ques-
ton of charges, and for once Artemus
found himself caught by his own joke.