, 1879-11-22
DiyerSitieS,

TO profit and loss.
When We look west We feel that w
would like 10 see an Indian Fall instead o
an Indian summer.
Women and divorce lawyers beiiev,
marriage notices the most Interestin,
matter in daily paper.
"The family man. resembles an oys
on the half she'll The shell is known Al
home-the soft side abroad 800.
No matter how often young lady.
hat is lost, it is almost certain to turn W
either behind or at the side
Hoops are coming into fashion again.
Hoops are things to be put around women
to keep them from bursting with vanity.
Say, Johnny, what time is it y
" Eleven o clock and three lans" And
then Johnny got one lap-with slipper.
4 man has been on the Baltimore police
twenty two years, and never caught any
thing bat cold Ind really, that caught
HIM -.
Customer to proprietor of hat store
"Whst is the price of this style, pleasef
Halter: This tile, sir, is worth four
dollars -
VIII the coming man walk If he will
he is likely to b. murdered in cold blood
on the first lap, amid the cheers of the
entire country.
An inquisitive young lady asks: "What
is the most popular color for tine bride 2
Ii We were going TO marry, We should
prefer a white one.
A paper in the neighborhood of Roch-
ester adyertises a church pew for sale,
commanding = beautiful view Of nearly
Ill the whole congregation y
Pious old lady "Jrst think, Rose,
only five missionaries to twenty thous-
and cannibalS - Kind hearted niece a:
Goodness the poor cannibals viii starve
to death at that rate"
Il is said that there is 10 big Dis, or no
swear words IN the Sioux tongue. When
Sioux gets mad he Just yells I" Heap
dam - rushes out and relieves his feelings
by scalping 2 p4le-facc
"There is nothing like settling down,
said a retired merchant confidentially to
his neighbor ''When gave up business
| settled down and found ha,f qnite a
comfortable fortune Ii had settled up,
| shouldn't have had a cent
Grace Greenwood relates as an instance
of the extravaganza of New England
humor, that when young farmers wife
made her first boys pants precisely as
simple before as behind, the farmer ex-
cia.ineI Goodness, he wont know
whether L. Is going 10 school OF coming
Suipkins refused to get his wife new
hat soon after his little girl came in and
said Mamma, won't you buy me a
monkey to pay with when you 50 down
town D. No, darling, wait till you are
older. and then marry one, as | did, re-
Piled the grief stricken wife, her tears
bursting forth afresh.
\ belated husband, hunting in the dark
for match with which to hight the gas,
and audiblv expressing his disappolnt-
ment, was rendered insane IN an instant
by his wife suggesting IN a sleepy voice
that he had better light one and look for
them, and not 90 stumbling around in the
dark, breaking things.
Sarah" this gong ont incessantly |
cannot have next Sunday You must stay
at home all day" I" But, INA am, have
promised my aunt to spend the afternoon
with her" Sonny interceding: ID" let
her 90. mamma her aunt has been made
a sergeant, and has got a new coat with
stripes on it, and great long sword
The other night, at club, some Amer
icans were boastin. about their inventions
ard the wonderful machines to be found
IN nthe states" One of them told OF the
we'll known mincing machine which, a
live III" being introduced 1T oue end,
turned out the animal in saCsages at the
other end An lrisnman, who was not
Going to have the Yankees riding rough
shod over every other nation, turned on
then, and said promptly, " Bedad, We We
not the same machine III ireland, only
ours is more perfect and far more salts
factory sure. for if you don't like the sau-
saoes, you can put them back INTO the
machine, and by reversing the action
they'll come out live pigs a%n where he
went II.
4 recently made benedict Trites IS fol-
lows concerning his wifes habits = " II
there WAS a bedroom mile long, and her
entire wardrobe could be packed IN a
bandbox, still you'd find portion OF that
wardrobe scattered along the whole mile
of dressing-room She's nice thing 10
look at when put together, but this won
derful creature is evolved from chaos
;pte,minabIe Of pins, ribbons, rags, pow
der. thread, brushes, combs and laces-
If there were seven thousand drawers in
YOUR room. and you asked for but one to
be kept sacred and inviolate for your own
nrivate uss. that particular one would be
full Of hair-pins, ribbons, and soitcd cuffs
Some provision, some protection IL; this
matter. should be inserted IN the marriage
service.
4 younp gentleman and his blushing
bride who were recently married In Phil
adelphia, called the next week at an apart
mant house and were shown the fiat that
was to let by the loquacious person who
ofiiciates as janitOr- This estlmable Wo,
man. who would appear 10 be good
motherlv soul, went on TO illustrate how
verv- healthy the house happened to be-
. There was Mrs., on the hrst floor
she came here bride and went away with
three children, as pretty little things as
ever saw, mem. And there was Mrs.
-, the second, who had little son
born to her here, mem, and fourteen
months after little daughter And,
| mem. Mrs, the third floor, she was
bride, too, mem, and it was twins, mem,
within year. If you please, men, N
| .,o ,,,,,,bar of foIIr of the darlingest "