The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-01-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

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PARTR1DGEs are among the things
that whirr.
BABIES were the original discoveries
of the milky-way.
The kid-glove duty-To smuggle as
many as you can.
You cannot mend your ways with the
thread of discourse.
Is A man careful of his provisions
when he bolts his food?
[ WILL drop the subject" he said;
and he let fall the "stiff''
The man whose cut couldn't be re-
turned-The headsnan's.
I DEARLY love my sweet art, said the
enthusiastic confectioner.
WHEN at prayer, some people kneel,
because it is knees-y position.
How MANY women fancy they are
thinking when they are only rejecting?
WHAT is sweeter than a sugar-house?
Why, young ladies seminary when it
is full of lasses.
MY brother-in-law wants to know
whether Gabriels trump is the right
bower Or the joker-Chat,
| HERE is a man in Washington the
most powerful in the country. He car
ries horse scar on his cheek.
TA1LoRs are the only people from
whom you can obtain reliable list of
our promising" young men.
REJOICE and be exceedingly glad, if
you have clear conscience, last seasons
overcoat and months credit at coal
yard. .......
ALL the signers of the Declaration of
Independence signed their names with
quill pens except one-he signed his
Witherspoon.
THE age of economy has been reached
iii Foxboro, Mass, where woman
stopped a clock from running because
it would wear out too fast.
WELL" said an old bachelor, when
| he found basketful of baby on his
front steps, "some men are born babies,
some achieve babies, and some have
babies thrust upon them
DE11Eh LII 1S w S1G Ou d UdIIet db Cu0
corner grocery with contentrlent than
to repose in the most luxurious easy
chair adorned with tidy in the house
OF the order-loving woman.
"AND you are really going to marry
again, after losing that dear husband of
yours-and you so young and pretty
yeti" "My love, it's simply out of re-
spect for the memory of the late. This
is scandalous world!"
The man who waits to get three cats
in line before he shoots will some day
find the poor-house waiting for him. It
is the man who peppers away at cats
whenever chance offers who will lay up
ducats for old age.-Detrot Free Press.
A WESTERN poet, who deprecates the
advances made by science over ro-
nance, writes that electricity may be
conquering, but that moonlight itself is
superior to gas Ha, yes: but then, my
boy, you can't metre by moonlight
alone.
A LIQUoR-DEALER applied to a Gus
toner for letter of recommendation of
certain brand of whisky he had al
ready sold him. The customer wrote:
II have tried all sorts of insect poison,
and find none equal to your Old Cabinet
whisky"
The New York Express is determined
to tell the truth though the heavens fall.
It says: cit isn't overwork that's ruin
ing the young men of this great city by
any means No, it's waiting on the street
corner for somebody to invite them into
the nearest saloon"
DID the prophet Isaiah ever eat at
railroad station? It certainly looks so,
for how could he have described it so
literally if he had not? "And he shall
snatch on the right hand and be hungry,
and he shall eat on the LETT hand and
shall not be satisfied"
How WOMEN change their minds re-
speeding their husbands! Mrs. J1nks
was forever telling her husband that he
wasn't worth the salt in his bread. But
when the poor man got killed in rail
way smash up, the fond widow sued the
company for $4,000 damages.
A LITTLE shaver, going on an errand,
met an acquaintance, to whom he pro-
pounded the following conundrum:
"Why am like a penny" The other
fellow gave it up. II am like penny"
said the little man, because [ am one
sent" And he went his way.-Chdcago
| Tribune.
GIN tough cuss from Bitter Greek,
is the expression employed by the plains
desperate to inform everybody that he
is sson the fight" Further east the
corresponding member OF society says:
Tina wolf, and this is my time to howl.
In Kentucky he says: (" I'm yard WIDE,
and all wool"
"WHAT shall I leave you when |
die?" said an insipid fellow to a young
lady whose patience he had nearly ex-
hausted. Needn't wait till you die
said she; "you can leave something
| What oboJ lpavQ 2s