davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05
QUIPS.
A FOOT note-Sole.
HEADoUARTERs-A pillow

/
ARE book worms good for bait?
A BELLE wringer-A pretty laun-
dress.
A sELF-sUFFICIENT man is wise in his
own can't-seeit.
A POLITICAL economist says "the best
wives are cheapest" Yet every man
who has a good wife looks upon her as
"a little dear"
TWO CoLoRED woman in Atlanta are
reported to have traded children. Who
will say hereafter that the ETHIOPIAN
cannot change his kin?
II AM astonished, my dear young
lady, at your sentiment-you make me
startl" well, sir, I've been waiting
for you to start for the last hour"
WIFE-"But, my dear, 1 shall catch
cold coming down so late to let You in
Husband-"Oh, no, my love; I'll rap
you up well before you come down"
MANY girls would rather wear their
stockings with holes in them than have
them darned, because when darned
they are mended, and girls prefer men
alive.
WHERE does the head of pin 90 to
when 1t gels mixed up with fellows
collar? You can't miss the point. but
the head is neither on one side nor the
other.
A YOUNG man who sneers at girls
false teeth hasn't well balanced head.
Let him marry girl who has toothacbe
and neuralgia and he will see where he
was lame.
THERE is nothing like settling
down." said a retired merchant, conf
dentlally, to his neighbor. when I
gave mp business / settled down, and
found had quite comfortable fortune.
Ii had settled up shouldn't have had
a cent"
1T was very mean man who slippde
his hand between the heads of a
young man and young lady in the front
seat as the train entered the tunnel.
He said afterward the young mans
beard was very stiff, but the pressure
on the other side of the hand felt like
the tips OF fur tie.
GONE here, sir, till I tan your Jacket
for you" said Currier to truant On.
pill. The boy softly answered, "a soft
tan, sir" the muscles of the teachers
face and arms relaxed, and the punish
ment was committed to the admonition
to be careful about playing hockey
again. Thus it is that soft tan, sir,
away wrath.
HIGHLY CoLoRED ROMANCE.
once +. Green said to fair Miss Brown
My heart is all your roam;
Then white to me are you so cold
And why so harsh your toner"
She cast on him magenta look
And then she shook her red
And, as the zephyrs softly blue
She wept, and weeping, said
II wouldst, but Oh. my watchfrA pa
Maroon all our fun
The purple nab you by the Leg
And murder will be dun ~
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

aY ELIZABETH STUART PHELPS.

You come too late:
IT'S far in November.
The wind strikes bleak
Upon the cheek
That careth rather TO keep warm
,fAnd where's the harmO
Than 90 abate
.One lot Of It's calm color for your sake.
4 Watchl Seel 1 ir the ubsr
Up on my lonely hearth, aud bid the fire wake.
And think you that IL will:
,ISs burned, say, To ashes.
IL snzOloe cold
As graveyard mold.
wish, indeed, you would not blow
Upon IL sol
The dead to kill.
n say. the ghosts of fires viii never stir,
Nor woman lift the lashes
OF eyes wept dim, howe'er yours shine for love OF
her!
All sweet SURPRISED
I did cot think such shining
UpOa the gloom
OF Ihis cold room
Could fail. Your even, strong, calm breath
Calls life from death.
The warm light lies
At your triumphant feet faint wfeh desire
To reach you. zee! The lining
OF violet and of silver in that sheath of fire.
II YOU would care
Although il is November
L will not say
A bitter nav
To such gift for building fires.
And though 1t tires
Me 60 think of it'll own to you
df you can stir the euberl
IL may be found at last, Just warm enough fortwo
--ScfsbRef's Monthly.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05
Why the Law Is Uncertain.

Language is on imperfect instrument
for the expression Of ideas. Not few
OF its forms are ambiguous; that is,
they speak III two ways. Reader and
hearers are left in old Jsaac's perplexi-
ty. The voice is that of Jacob, the
hand is that of Esau.
Many of the terms of language are
equivocal. They have two meanings.
so that the reader is in doubt as TO the
mind or intention of the writer.
Those who draft statutes know how
difficult it is to frame law which shall
be free from ambiguous expressions or
equivocal terms. Judge Story once
told personal incident, which illus
trates this difficulty.
He was employed by Congress to
draft an act. So important was it that
he spent six months in trying TO per-
feet its phraseology. His purpose was
to make the statute SO clear that the
most astute lawyer should not be able
to cast the shadow of doubt Jpn its
meaning.
The draft, proving satisfactory to the
lawyers In Congress, became law. In
less than year, a suit, involving the
Interpretation of this very law, came
before the court over which Justice
Story presided. Having heard the
arguments of the able attorneys. the
Judge confessed that he was unable to
decide upon the meaning of statute
which he himself had framed.
He, of course, knew what he had
meant to put into the law. But the
criticisms OF the two lawyers showed
him that he had used such ambiguous
expressions that it was doubtful if he
had said what he meant to have said.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

A colored man who had contracted
a debt some years ago with one of our
merchants came to town yesterday and
called on his old creditor.
Didn't you 'splain to me dat if I
settled up dat account you would give
me 'lowance?" said the darby to the
merchant.
Yes, did say so, SAM" replied the
merchant. If you are ready to settle
your bill now l will make good allow
ance,' and the merchant waited for the
coiored individual to pull out his pock-
et-book.
Well, sir, / hasn't got de money
JUS now, but / thought I'd come in
and get de 1owance; my wife wants
shawl. "-Columbats (Miss.) Iradtr.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

Most persons conversant with horses
must be aware that certain glands lie
Just under the angles of the two jaws,
and rur up in the direction of the ear.
They are the seat of the affection pecul-
lar to young animals, known under the
name of strangles. Now, it is by no
means infrequent, especially among the
commoner kind of horses, to find these
glands large and fabby in their text
ures. With well-bred and well-formed
animals it is often very difficult to find
them at all under the skin. Sometimes
the abnormal size of these glands is
evidently constitutional, sometimes it
is consequence of -strangles,
Tor lnstance-and ,ometimes it arises
wholly from the pressure of the angles
OF the Jaws, especially when these lie
too close together, and the rider or
driver has attempted to force certain
position, either by the use of severe
bits, or, what is still worse, combina-
ton OF these with the bearing rein in
harness. If such state of things be
overlooked or neglected very serious
consequences may arise. The forced
pressure OF the jaw-bones on these
glands is sometimes perfectly excruci-
ating to the animal, and it has recourse,
to the great establishment of its ignorant
rider or driver, to all sorts of expedients
to get rid of the intolerable pain. 1t
will refuse it's work, or run away, or
throw itself down, or rear up, or do
anything or everything in it's despera-
ton, and the brute on its back or in the
coach-box knows no other remedy for
1T than to "fog the sulk out of him."
whereas the whole thing is probably
the result of bad biting and bridling.
-DUyer, IN Seats and Saddles.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

entered the room Riley was blown
twenty feet by steam, and badly scalded.
Wet blankets were procured, and Finn
and Riley, with wet blankets over them,
crawled through hole in the brick
wall which leads to the top of the
boiler, and with cold-chisels and ham,
mers cut off the supply of water pour
ing into the boiler, thus preventing u
terrible explosion. Both were badly
scaldeI
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

"And, girls, / have always had one
of the best of husbands. He may have
hirted some and been little jealous
since our ride to Pasonville, but if he
has, l can think he has been as before
only just like all the men,"
DE kALB III.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05
WIT AND HUMOx.
THE sLANpEREp SALESMAN.


Days ago. dear wife. my treasure,
Wien our sad :ate deiioed,
Hopeful words / spoke unto YOU
willing hands sure work will ind"
Through your tears you smiled upon me
As you stopped 20 kiss our child
But the wounding probe siiii Ranked
In my heart till felt Wild.
Yesterday you. zoo, remember
How l murmured al my lot
That the business men frowned on me,
Looking words they dare speak not;
Seemed to me that when creation
Feigned 10 form man like me,
ine mistake was made about 1t
That the devil laughed in glee.
"Their requirements were too mental
For man like me-" they said.
Patronizingly they said IL.
While my face flushed deep with red,
AS told them that !. compulsion
Fitted man for any late"
Then "fhe price was deserving
Far Surpassed their usual rate"
Then vowed TO don my old clothes.
Thrust my silk hat in the fire,
Buy wood-saw. AK and shovel,
And solicit for such hire.
But your vacant look unnerved me,
For place-yet far more shaving
Mong the genteel' business men,"
did try, my wife. my treasure:
But to-day met a man,
With heart and soul of Justice,
Aping not the general clan.
This 1T was he spoke unto me,
From his mouth. not from his eyes
Hark you, wife! "Your late employer
Dares To inter willful lies ~
You are trembling now-be calm, wife
Though the charge Is base and dark,
Ii will vanish through the clearing
From my good name, as lark
Vanishes through the distant ether,
When Photographic view
But remains upon the vision
OF the tracings where il few.
Oh, my God to thus be branded
1hief-thief! Ii cannot be
Yet-this good friend vouches for f.
Truth it was he spoke TO me.
Must my pride face this foul in ult
To my manhood's better part
1, who ever held as sacred.
Next to God. an honest heart!
How dare men scandal each other.
When the Maker knoweth all:
Well know dare not do 1T,
Lest myself receive fall:
Black and damning was the spirit
Loosing thus his singing tongue.
For the hurt In firing missiles
Is the fiame-spread whore they're flung.
Vengeance !" did you say, wife? Never
Vengeance" saith the Lord, ais Mine. /"
But for your sake and our daughters
He his standpoint must define
BY the gods he'll live to rue it
Ii my health and means abide,
Through the courts. before the people.
He must prove, or own he lied.
Mich. UNCLE LUTR
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-12-05

A FLOCK of 1900 sheep was burned
to death by a brush fire near Ventura,
Ca.., the other day. The fire surround
ed the stock before the herder could
drive them out OF danger.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

four outer planets, Jupiter, Saturn.
Uranus and Neptune. lie goes back for
hundreds Of years, asserts that all the
pihgues which have swept over Europe
during that period can be accounted for
ny tlle movements and positions Of one
or more of these planets. and conclude
with THIS oIninous prediction Il would
say thht within the next seven years
there will happen that which has not
happened for hundreds Of ycars--all
the planets at or near their nearest point
to the sun about the same time. 1t Is
true OF the. earth that It's magnetic in
tcnsity is greater about the time when IL
Is near the SUM- the same is probably
true OF all the planets; therefore We
may expect extraordinary magnetic phe-
nomena during the next seven years. and
great plaques, which will manifest
themselves in all their intensity when
Jupiter is about three years from his
perihclion-that is. in 1888
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

world. and met with some estrangeadven-
lures. I'll bc bound he never saw any
thing to equal the affair last night
You'd nearish thing of It, captain p
inquired Tyrawley, speaking very slow
ly. His manner and appearance quite
disarmed any suspicion the captain might
have hud of his identity.
Five minutes more. sir and Davy
Jones' locker would have held uB all.
Begging your pardon, miss, apologiZing
to Constance.
The captain had already repeated the
story reasonable number of times. and
was anxious 10 finish his breakfast So
Miss Constance gave it all for the benefit
of Mr.. Tyrawley, dressed in her own
glowing periods.
Tyrawlcy made no observation upon
her recital, but took third egg.
We'll. Mr.. Tyrawley,' said she Mt
last, what do you think of the man who
swan out TO the wreckp
why, I think, Miss Baynton-I
think. said he hesitating. that he
must have got very wet. And / sincere
ly hope he won't catch cold
There was general laugh at this, in
which the captain joined; but IL Is To be
feared that Miss Constance stamped her
pretty little foot under the table.
Tyrawley turned, and began 10 talk TO
Miss Mellish, who was sitting on his
right.
AS he was speaking. the door on his
left opened, and Lady Grace Ravelstoke
entered with the lady passenger. The
lady heard him spcak-and there are
some voices which "A woman never for
gets-and the dangerous journey over
the rope had not passed in silence.
/ She laid her hand upon his arm. and
said, oh, sir, how can thank you"
Tyrawlcy rose, rs in duty bound. say
ing, DO not speak of IL. did not know.
when | came off. that was 10 have the
pleasure Of assisting you
But tho astonishmcnt of the captain
was beautiful Ia behold.
Why. you don't mean 10 say,-Well.
Incvcr; dash my wig,-wcll I'm-Here.
shake hands, sir. will you?' And he
stretched across the table a brawny
hand, not much smaller than shoulder
of mutton.
The grip with which Tyrawlcy met
his seemed To do more 10 con-
vince him of his identity than the lady's
recognition Of their prcservcr.
The day was as wet as the preceding.
Half AN hour after breakfast, Mr.. Ty-
rawley lounged into the back drawing
I room. In'Tc sat MISS constance BAgn-
ton, and. by the singular coincidence
which iavors lovers or historians. she sat
alone.
Now Constance had decided that she
would compliment Mr.. Tyrawley on his
gallant conduct
She had, in fact, arranged n neat.
I quiet. cold, formal. appropriat" form OF
words. in which she would give her
views expression And how do YOU
think she delivered ;hcm2 She got up.
said, oh, Mr.. Tyrawlcy" and burst into
tears.
/ II a woman's pride is a shield 10 thee.
{ oh man, as well as Ia her. against the
arrows of love. remember that If ever
she throws Il away-aftcr she has com
/ PEELED YOU to acknow ledge it, value-you
/ are both len utterly dcfcncclcss
Frederick Tyrawlcy Cnpiiulntcd ai
+ once. They are To- be married thi.
F month. And il Mr.. Tyrawlcy does not.
at some future time. achieve reputa-
T tion which no mystery can cloud, Il will
not be Mrs. Tyrawlcy's fault
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22
The Health Of Printers.

In the course Of lecture on the Efiects
Of Occupations upon Health" recently de-
livered at Leipsic by DIR. Heubncr, he drew
attention to the frequency of lead-poisoning
among typefounders, oomposiiors and press
men. In Leipsic itself, the great metropolis
of the German book trade, seventy seven
per cent Of all who are thus affected belong
TO the trades enumerated. Typefounderp
are poisoned by inhaling the fumes Of the
metal, while compositors and prcsemcn in
hale minute particles Of the same material
Fraught with still greater danger is, how
ever, the frequent practice OF oompcsiiors of
br nging their type-stained hands In contact
with their lips OF keeping eatablce in com.
posine-fooms, etc. The great prevcntives
against ell such chronic poisoning are clean
lines, both Of INrson and in the woik-com,
and ample ventilation by the frequent OPEN
ing of Windows, etc. Az regards .ung
diseases, too, printers compare iavorably
with most other trades, the proportion of
deaths from this cause being exceptionally
large. The one safeguard sgalnst this
danger also IL ventilation, which, ~ we all
knov, i sadly neglected in printing Offices
generally by reason Of The almost universal
dread of draughte.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

4 great deal depends upon the time
chosen for necdful exercise. when il is
properly conducted. the effect on the di-
gcstive system Is very marked The ap-
petite IL increased. and more food Is taken
in order tn supply force necessary for the
maintenance Of the mechanical force.
This increase of appetite Is especially
noted when the exercise Is taken in the
open air. When exercise is undertaken.
however, without due preparation. or
the bodily powers are exhausted by ia
tigue. the power Of being able To take
food is diminished. This condition. II
the exercise Is continued and the power
Of taking food remains impaired. Is one
Of considerable danger, and the health i
often greatly affected. the force of the
heart being much reduced. II is Of great
Importance. moreover, when great fatigue
has been undergone. to see that the bodily
powers are thoroughly recruited by rest
before an attempt is made to take food.
otherwise there will be no inclination ia
take IL. and IL forced down II will not
digest. An hours rest. with cup of
warm tea, will do much toward restor-
ing appetite in these cases. Indeed, Il
should bc a rule in all cases that period
Of rest should intervene between work
and food
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22
FOR THE YOUNG PEOPLE.



"Caw' cawl" sang IA crow on the edge oi "a
wood,
Tho corn that yo1 1--WE ~ is wonderful gooi;
But Why don't you hay il there all Ia a heap?
You scatter il round and you plant # ~ deep
Good ltrner. IT, tiresorne to md II, Won
know"
Said this comical crow
/" Caw' cawi You have stretched, in a zig.
zaggy way,
string round y0nr acres. zee Il to-day.
They'll think IT a snare, said you, chuckling
outright.
Your cord is no use, sir, o. I'm not IA kite.
s~eet farmer, I'd have you continue to
SOW"
Said this comical crow
"Caw' cav You have se, little boys On the
fence.
They shout and amuse us-our 10y Is intense.
You give yourself plenty Of trouble Tor M.
We're only plain folks. Prthee, don't make
fnss'
Kind farmer, we're not used to much Of
show"
Said his coinical crow.
Cav cav You have put an old coat ON
some siicks.
You want To degli, us with all sorts of tricks.
tnmerited kindness we tenderly 70
Bot why don't you leave till We finish our
Ineal'
Dear farmer, you're no; in a hurry to 20
Said ihis coInical crow. n
Cav chw' You have brought out nea,
little gun.
You're going 10 shoot nj the sparrows, Tor fun.
Oh, he' We shant wait til you've loaded
il up.
But HE us away 10 the next field and sup.
Bad farmer, ssd farmer, your end will be
woe"
Said ihis comical crow
-Geor9s Cooper.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22
Mothers Work.

Dear patient woman DER your children bending
To leave goodnight kiss ON rosy lips,
Or list the simple prayers to God ascending
Ere slumber veil them in its soft eclipse,
wonder do you dream that seraphs love you,
And sometimes smooth the pathway for your
feet
That OF their silvery pinion float above you,
When lie is tangled and its cross roads mectl
So wan and tired, the whole long day so busy
To laugh or weep, Mt times you hardly know
So many trifcs make the poor brain dizzy,
so many crr,nds call you 90 and fro
Small garments stitching, weaving Hairy stories
And binding wounds and bearing little cares,
Tour hours pass, unheeded all the gloriea
OF that great world beyond the nursery
stairs.
One schoolmatc's pen has written words o
beauty,
Her poems sing themselves into the heart;
Another's brush has magic; you have duty;
No time to spare for poetry or art.
But only time for training little fingers,
And teaching youthful spirits to be true;
You know not with what famine woman
fingers,
With art alone I'LL her, watching you.
And yet think you'd rather keep the habies,
Albeit their heads grow heavy on your arm.
Than have the poets fair, enchanted may-bes.
The artists visions rich with dazzling charm
swcci are the troubles of the happy hours,
= II
And rich contentmcnt all your being dowcrs
That yours is not n hushed and empty nest.
-.Mar1drct T.. Sdnoster.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

Said saloon-keeper TO reformed nIan
whom he met on tho street How drunk
yon have been IN my place before now
Hies, replied the uther, :" but remember how
sohcr have kept out OF ii.H--.Isacinaa
.SgfxndaE Nirha.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

The telephone is beginning to misbe-
have itself A telephone wire in Chi
cago, the other day, began n Irritation
with n streak Of lightning, and the Off
ccs Mt each end of the wire were entered
by the lightning and the furniture de-
stroyed. If n person were To- get streak
Of lightning cmpticd in his ear while
listening Mt the telephone, IL would be
very apt To- cmbarrass him.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

Cornell University has just established
an experimental station, which Is pre-
pared to annlyze different kinds Of COM
mercial fertilizers in the laboratory and
10 test them in the field; 10 examine
seeds that are suspected TO be adultcratcd.
or other plants. The board of control is
formed Of several professors of the uni
versity and of the chief officers of several
agricultural societies of the State.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

Miss Virginia French, n young lady OF
New Orleans. wrote such pretty poem
for the Pfcaytfite some time ago that n
young Tenneseean fell in love with II and
her. lie went to New Orleans, pleaded
with the IicayH1e editor (a lndy) for the
name of the poetess. got IL. bobbed down
on his knees before Miss French, and
before long madc her his wife.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22


The street railway system and the cars
in use upon street railways in European
cities seemed to have been generally bor-
rowed from America. Those in Use
upon the tramways of Paris are admira-
bly, arranged. commodious and convcn-
lent. Upon some Of the lines the cars
are provided with double row of seats
upon the top. the passengers sitting on
the top benches back to back. and they
have conveniently designed stairways
for ascending To- the top. The cars on
the principal lines seat twenty passen-
gers on the top and twenty-five inside,
and afford standing room for six persons
on the platform. The guard never
allows n larger number to get upon the
cars. The lines are managed with great
system and run with spmmendable rcgu-
larity, and marked regard is shown
for the convenience Of passengers. The
fare for any distance upon any line or to
any point upon connecting line with n
transfer Is six cents below; for any dis
tance upon the same line the fare on top
Is three cents. In keeping with the OBJ
servance OF the class distinction So con-
spicuous everywhere in Europe, the top
was designed originally for the peasant
and laboring population OF Pm is. In
good weather, however, the deck seats
are considered the most desirable and
are occupied by all classes of ofpassengers.
Numerous attempts have been made o
late 10 show that the variations in the
number of spots opthe suns face were
the cause of excessive rains. poor wheat
crops, commercial panics and other ter
rcstrial occurrences. Now comes MIR.
B. G.. Jenkins. Fellow of the British
Royal Astronomical Society, who says
that cholera. the black death and other
plaques arr the effect of planetary infiu-
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-05-22

The so-called "Honse Communities Of
Russia flourish in ali cities where there are
universities. Most Of the poorer students,
who are free from prejudices, live upon
horse-hcsh, which can be procured at one
fifth the price OF teef. II Is the custom OF
such students to board in parties of from
five to twenty, and hence the name Of
"Horc Comm unities" So many Nihilists
have been found in these communities that
the horsemeat eaters are liable to prorecu.
ton by the government.