Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-10-15
FUNNYGRAPHS.
WOMAN's NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

the more, and one man the less"
In pedestrian matches the disposition
OF the gate money depends entirely upon
the gait.
A DEAD secret-What has become OF
A. T. Stewards body Pr Cincinnati Ga
zette.
STRANGE that the more money you
give an organ-grinder the more cranky he
becomes.
CANNIBALIsM prevails in Boston,
whose inhabitants eat baked bein's.-
Cincinnati Commercial.
WHERE there's smoke there's some
fire, and very often mighty poor cigar.
- Wheeling Sunday Leader.
WHEN card-players disagree, they
should pour Hoyle on the troubled
Philadelphia Bulletin.
WE presume the axletrees of railroad
car wheels are called journals because of
their rapid Observation-Disclosures Tram
script. ...,.
A RECENT obituary notice says: "Mr.
Smith was an estimable citizen. He
died with perfect resignation. He had
recently been married."
WHEN the landlady puts up the price
of board, the fourth floor, back tenant
performs the same operation With his
watch.-Puck.
JOsH BILLINGS remarks: 81 don't
take any chances. If I wus called upon
to mourn over a dead mule, I would
stand in front ov him and do mi weep
ing"
AN exchange says: "Railway sleep
ers in this country require 100000 acres
of timber year." This will be news to
Pullman car conductors.-NeW Orleans
Pac0yataae.
your son, madam, persists in doing
nothing" says the director. "Then,"
replies the woman, by no means discon-
certed, "you should give him the prize
for perseverance," t
STRANGE to say, a wagon goes best
when it's wheels are thoroughly tired
Albany Journal. What felloe told you
that old joke? It would have never been
repeated in the Hub.
FEMALE guest" Don't you know any
better than to walk into my room with
out rapping? You see [ am all un.
dressed.5 Servant-"Oh! you needn't
excuse yourself, mum; I don't mind.''
The man who can make an even trade
of the garden rake for new snow shovel
about now is level-headed and will some
day be heard of among the great fnan-
ciers of the country.-DetroatF Free Press.
SETH GREEN thinks all brook trout
taken under seven inches should be
thrown back. But who ever knew of q
brook trout weighing less than half q
pound to be captured.-St. Albams Adver--
taser. ~ 4aG
ON the wrong side of the " bridge"
Master" What is the first step in this
problem?" Pupil" ohm ABB" Mas
ter-"What next?" Pupil-"Rub it
out again." (Tableau, during which the
cane is fourished. )-Judy.
A WRITER in London Truth discusses
the queer question els Dinner Mis-
take?" We should say that dinner as
matter of-course-was not mistake
Albcmy Journal. That is right, always
give dinner its dessert.
"THE melancholy days have come %
beg pardon, " the sawdust of the year,
to the schoolboy who has to tackle the
woodpile when all the rest of the fellows
are playing marbles " for keeps."-Nea0
Haven Register.
WHAT is the difference between
dairy maid and a stormy petrol? One
skins the milk and the other skins the
water.-Neao Have,a Register. We don't,
even now, quite see the difference
Boston Post.
SNoDKINs (who has not been at New
London, to Holworthy, who has, -
/" You saw the race, how was it? Hardly
contested, eh?" Holworthy-"Hardly
contested? Yes, very much SO. Why,
it was hardly contested at all. "-Har-
GARD Lampoon.
JAMES GORDON BENEFITS income
from the Herald is said to be 81, 800 per
day. But for the benefit of those about
ernbarking in the newspaper business,
we would say that they must not expect
to make more than 81, 900 day for the
first year.-Albany Journal.
SOME boys undertook to play base bali
in field where ram was feeding re.
Gently. He butted The short stop
through picket fence and forced ALI
the rest to make home run. The boy
who was butted through the fence was
the only one who scored, and he carries
the score with him.
LORD CoCKBURN was seated one day
on the hillside of Bonally with Scotch
shepherd, and observing the sheep re-
posing in the coolest situation, he OBJ
served to him, "John, if I were sheep
/ would lie on the other side of the hill"
The shepherd answered, cay, my lord,
but if ye had been sheep ye wad have
had mair sense"
A NEW boy at Twelfth ward school
diverted the minds of the other pupils
from their books by mrnching peanuts,
whereupon the teacher relieved him of
his edibles and reprimanded him. Next
day the master received note from the
new scholars mother, which conveyed
this information: off mi Boy kant eat
peanuts out loud in skule, I'l edicate
him miself at home"
JONES is not without honor in his own
household. He goes home and tells of
did of tho rnoofiuc ub;1o