The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-11-08
VARIETY.

A white man who had married a negress offered
color-blindness as an excuse
Boy trunk, Pat said dealer. IS And
what for should 1 buy trunk?" rejOined Pat
- To put your clothes in was the reply. ''And
go naked p exclaimed Pat; ''nOt a bit iS it ~
A well-known Evangelical elegyman, on being
accused Of leaning toward Universalism, replied
that be hoped everybody would 60 20 heaven, s"
''and,' said he, - there are some persons l wish
were there now"
He took two drops of thought, and beat
them into a bushel Of bubbles" ;" was the descrip-
tiOn given Of speaker whose rhetoric ran ahead
Of his logic.
Small boy: 3. Oh, please, sir, your 'orse has
been and failed down." Irate Carman a. Yer
lie, yer young warmint | believe ys've been and
showed him down"
More man die at 63-the grand climateric or
turn Of life-than at any other age, leaving vio-
lent deaths aside. like critical period for femi-
nine humanity is ~ years.
Secret kindness done to your fellow creatures
is as beautiful injuries detestable. To
be invisIbly good is gOd-like as to invisibly
evil is diabOlical.
Scene in a restaurant. Two ladies seated at a
table First lady to the waiter: ''Bring me an
ice cream. please" Second lady "I'll have
an ice, too" Waiter bring= ice cream and stew
ed oysters.-BOsfOH Globe.
A woman raised to the third power of widow
hood has she photographs Of her three departed
lords in a group. with vIgnette Of herself in the
centre, and underneath is the inscription, d" The
Lord will provide"
Who is the author Of the riddle on cod
IL wants polish, but it is clever enough to make
one surprised that it is more generally
known The riddle, it will be observed, is given
dOable.
Cut od my head, and singular am;
Cut on my tail. and plural appear;
3 Cut OF my head and tail, and. wondrOus fact,
Although my middle's left. there's nothing there.
What $ my frst7 It is sounding sea
What Is my last7 5 a flowing river.
Aud IN their mingIing depths wander free,
Parent Of sweetest sounds, though mnte forever
HarperE BasaT
At recent trial of liquor case the witness on
the stand was under examination to what he
had seen in Defendants domicile, which he said
be bad visited "a number of times" ''Did you
ever see any spirits there. or anything you re-
garded as spirits ?" asked the presiding Justice.
HWhy, yes-I don't know but | have, was the
reply OF the witness "Do you know what kind
Of spiritsH'' yes s'HOw do you know ?"
SCI kinder smet it." ''Well, now," said the
Judge, Strengthening himself for the cOnvicting
answer which he supposed would be given, "will
a. Spirits of turpentine - As soon as the roars
of laughter that resulted had subsded the witness
was discharged, the opinion being that his testl-
mony was not TO the point
To ENCOURAGE AMERICAN PoErs.-WaydOwn
Bebee got the floor and stated his belief that
American poets were languishing for the want
of encouragement and support. In this country,
he remarked, the man who jumps ten feet or
swallows a sword u looked upon with the great
est admiration, while the man who cOmpOses a
poem or a idyl must walk in he middle of the
road TO prevent people barking bis shins- he
believed that poetry sOftened the heart, reformed
the wicked and cheered the weary, and he truly
IN advance and hold out encouragement to those
POLITICALLY inclined
''Let dis club he added:
Reform de beery.
IncourAige de weary,
Brighten de dreary.
An stan by dat inaooenees de human heart to do
good"
Elder Bacon Jones and several others expressed
favorable opinions, and when the discussion had
ceased Brother Gardner said
al isn't much given 20 poetry myself. My ole
woman sometimes takes a piece Of chalk an
doah. but run mo- to billed dinners dan 10 poe
try Howsumeber, it may be well TO encourage
de poets an It may be well for dis club to walk
up to de head Of de class 10 sch a movement
After some further discussion It was resolved
TO offer a premium Of S5 for the best SIX verses
of poetry, four lines to the verse, sent before
the first day of December. The subject must be
Fall. and the lines must be written in plain
nefrog Free preSx