River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-09-04
WIT AND WISDOM.
Cursory Notwithstanding.
The floating nnnnlatinn-fis fishes.

Inc noatlng upulauon-nsnes.
Rabid transit-Career of mad dog.
The knobbiest part of the house is the
door.
A man OF violin temperament-ole
Bull.
Now Is the time to muzzle the dogs
and muslin the girls.
at ''old dog Tray was ever faithful2"
how could he be-trayf
T stuff some United States senators
are made of Ballot-box stuff.
Snodgrass says in men of small calibre
you generally find great bore.
Mcney that bank officers get away |
with is charged to running expenses.
1t is peculiar feature of the butter
marnet that bad article outranks good
one.
A knee motion play-When an an
CRY mother lays her offspring across her
knee.
The Philadelphia Ttem speaks of the
turn of the organ handle as an Italian
revolution.
"But i'll not liHger upon this point,
as the preacher SAID when he sat down on
a carpet tack.
There is great trouble with Mount EFT
ma this season. The Italians cannot keep
the crater quiet.
Never mind being made fun of. 1t IS
better tc he deer-ided than -hided.-
Boston Tsanseript.
Don't buy your boy pair of glove
until after the Fourth of July. He may
need only enc glove then.
1t must have been IN the green cherry
season that Tennyscn wrote, "frcm our
waist places comes cry"
And the iron entered into my SOLE
said Grayhed, as he pulled the tack out
of the bottom of his slipper.
There nothing gives stone to the
stomach like ripe cherries, swallowed
whole.-Caaeinndtt Enquirer
A horse thief was hung at Sidney, Ne
braska, the other day. He went West
to 80 up with the country, and succeeded.
The Cincinnati Star wants the police
TO club together. No use--they wn't
do it while the supply of citizens holds
out
First impressions are lasting, as the
school-master sald W en- he introduced
himself to the new school by flogging all
hands.-BOst0n Transcript.
The small boy may get chilled going
in swimming, in these early days, but he
gets warmed up when his mother finds
his SHIRT on wrong side out.
"If the Sahara is flooded, wf4tl" asks
a contemporary craving for information
Our opinion is that if such an operation
takes place IT will be decidedly lamp.
fall the poor butter made in this coun-
try were good butter and brought good
p4rce, the producers would get hundred
million dollars year more than they dc
now.
A widow refuses a foppish bore; she is
not ready to get married yet, she says
MADAME, am your servant, can wait.
80, well, you look as though you did
AT what restaurant, pray
Arc you building air-castles in Spain
Mr.. Jones?H said land ady TO Doarder
who was thoughtfully regarding his cot
fee-cup. mo madame; only looking
over my grounds, replied Jones.
"When do YOU intend to go back
MikeT asked one exile of another. al
| live till doye, and Goa knows wheth
er I Will or not, intend to visit ould
Ireland once more before lave this coun
try"
why" asked goveruess of her littl,
charge, ado we pray God to give us oul
daily bread Why don we ask for foul
or i've days, or week." Because VT
5 want it fresh" replied the ingenious
child"
/ An orator who was much in demanr
2 in political campaigns, being asked by al
+. adm rer of the secret Of his success, re
l piled When / have facts, / give EN-
facts; but when | haven't, yell and saw
the air
Shocked and astonlshed old deacon
sYou bad and wicked boy, why dom
you take off your hat in the House of the
Lords' Bad and wicked boy (overcomc
with guilD-''If you please, sir, I'm
little girl"
The old lady who thanked Heaven SHE
had been able to borrow enough money t.
pay all her debts has many imitators il
these days; but the best method with {
debt, after all, is to pay it outright.-NeU
FOX Herald.
''Do the dying SUITE" PAIN" is a cues
ton that is being considerably discussed
by scientific men. We don't know about
the dying, but We do know the living
suffer payin', particularly if it is payin
subscription to newspaper.
A member of Scotch School Board
recently began an address to some chill
dren thus: "Noo, my BARNS, wor a
like ships,--some i'll port, some DOT in
mld-ocean an some near the haven. Ye'Te
Just Ieevin' port; as for me, I'm halt
seas over"
"YOu do make that child look like a
fool, wife, with all that t"-geTy on him
said Mr. Fag, angrily, as they were start
ing out for a walk. "Dear me" said a
neighbor. meeting them at the door, = hat
a doll of baby, and how much he resem-
bles his pa"
Packages warranted to contain the
means of a sure death for potato bugs,
without poison, we're sold at fair in
Illinois. Each contained two blocks OF
wood, on one of which was written, "Piace
the bug on this block and smash him
with the other"
! Fat cook with conscious bushes, to
the lady who wants to engage herr: "As
to there bein' no followers allowed,
mum, you might recolect, as you've
been single yourself; and a girl as Is
rayther snowy in fgger can't well help
their comm about.
| DIR. Keate, the master of Eton, used to
enforce upon his scholars the duty Of
| loving their enemies; he used TO say,
! Bows, YOU must love your enemies; boys.
it is rule of the school to love your
enemies; boys, il Won don't love youI
enomies, will fog you"
| It was because Nelson attended to de-
tail in respect TO time that he was so
victorious 81 oAe,r he said, eall
nv success in lite To having been
always quarter of an hour before my
| time" Every moment lost said Ma
poleon, "gives an opportunity for mis-
fortune"
A ten-year old boz Boosting Of his ia
thcr accomplishm ants, put it thus: "My
father can do almost ANYTHING: he's
notary public, and he's an apothecary,
and can pull teeth; and he's orse doc
tor, and he can mend wagons and things.
and can play the fiddle; he's jackass at
all trades.
A little fellow, crying half the night
with the legs ache, was much encour
aged next morning by finding that his
head ached instead Of his legs. "The