Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-08-22
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A YARN BY SUI LUvENGOoD.-We
have often heard, but never before pub
lished, the following yarn on DR.. Thomp-
son, of Atlanta, a generous, good man,
and tip-top landlord and wit; but he
certainly caught it once:
A traveller called very late for breakfast,
and the meal had to be very hurriedly pre-
pared. Thompson, seeing that the ''feed"
was not quite up to the mark, made all
sorts of apologies all around the eater.
who worked on in silence, never raising
his head, or by an act even acknowledging
the presence of mine host. This sulky
demeanor rather ''flead" the doctor, who,
changing the range of his battery. stuck
his thumbs in the arm-holes in his vest,
expanded his chest by robbing the room Of
halt its air, and said:
''Now, Mister, dod durn me il I hain't
made all sorts or apoIogies necessary, an
more, too, considering the breakfast and
who gets it; and now tell you I have
seen dirtier, worse-l looking, and darned
sight smaller breakfast than this several
times.''
The weary, hungry one meekly laid down
his tools, swallowed the bite, in transitu
placed the palms of his hands together,
and modestly looking up at the vexed and
Tuning landlord, shot him dead with the
following:
"Is-what-you-say-true ?"
eyes, SIR" came with vindictive prompt
ness.
'sWell, then, I'll be darned, boss, if you
hain't out-traveled me?'
The fellow had nothing to pay at that
house.
A woman who opened small millinery
store in the western part Of the city, en-
gagged painter to paint her sign. When
it came home she saw that it read, "Mrss.
J. Blank" ETC., and she called out:
ssYou've got an extra in Mrs., and you
must paint the sign over again."
The painter saw the error but he did
not want the job of correcting it. and he
replied
ssMadam, haven't you had two hus-
bands?"
eyes, SIR"
"You were Mrs. when you lost the
first?'
81 was.''
"And do you think woman can 60 On
marrying forever without frightening out
her title? Mrs. means married woman
or a widow. Mrss. means a woman who
has been married twice, and is young
enough to marry again; it was only yester-
day that rich old coon was in our shop,
and said II he had any idea that your heart
was free he would come up"
"Oh, well, you can nail up the sign"
she interrupted.
land it is there to-day.-Detroit free
Press.
Jones and Smith were walking together
last Sunday evening, when they met Jones
girl hanging lovingly on the arm of Brown.
Smith expected Jones to curse the at
mosphere blue, but he did't. He just sat
down on the curbstones and laughed. Said
Smith: "What the dickens are you laugh
ING atr" Replied Jones: II know that
GIRL: I saw ice-cream in her eye, and I
know Brown amt got blamed cent"
SHOW that this thing has commenced"
remarked Rhode Island resident at his
breakfast, 'sI'll bet that before it stops
more than forty emotional women will
shoot men in this CITY," s'Yes," replied
his wife, looking sharply at him, land
then not half the men will be shot that
ought to be-"
A Kingston damssl has developed the
faculty Of mind-reader. She said to her
vounr man last sparkin' night. s'My,
Enough, I do believe you're going to kiss
me!,' Correct! He was, and did.
A lady writer is out with an article en-
titled .How to Catch a Husband" But
her theory is all wrong. Ask any married
woman how to catch husband, and she
will reply: 'sBy the hair"
some men are captivated by woman's
laugh just as some men predict pleasant
day because the sun shines out clear for a
moment. They forget the chance for
squalls.
"A pretty girl won a musket at a lottery.
When they gave it to her she said, "Don't
they give a soldier with it?"
ga" must be the sweetest letter in the
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