Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-10-10

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A remarkable instance of a prompt pro-
posal and a prompt acceptance was that of
the Puritan who rode up to the door of
the house where dwelt the young woman
of his choice, and having desired her to be
called out to him. said. without circumlo-
cutiOn. ssRachel, the Lord has sent me
here to marry thee, /" when the young wo-
man answered with equal readiness, 1.-THE
Lords will be DONE"
AS Indicative of the sturdy political
honesty Of those who opposed the Blain
ticket in Main, the Belfast Journal
says that Greenbacker, after depositing
in Ward Ne. l ballot for Jos. L. Smith,
was asked by person present if he didn't
want to vote for biennial elections. ''VOte
to buy-any- election ?" exclaimed the
the Greenbacker; "buy elections; there is
too much of that work carried on now"
and Selling ballot he voted "No'' on the
constitutional amendment.
An English newspaper tells good story
of clergyman who was consoling lady
for the death of her husband by emphatic
assurances that those who had been friends
in this world would be reunited immedi-
ately after death. He was thinking of
the happiness of being able to offer the re-
lief of such faith, when she broke in upon
his meditations by exclaiming, sadly,
swell, his first wife has got him, then, by
this time!''
A prominent attorney, while fishing
day or two since, pointed out to his CON-
panion sign board, remarking: 1.-THE
fellow who put that up is a liar?''" Why?'
asked his companion. - Because that
sign reads, mo fishing in this brook and
I caught the best trout in my basket di-
rectly under that board" rT%<Cs
The human race will require several
more centuries Of development before
woman will believe that she does not gain
by stopping the horse-car in which she is
sitting and asking the conductor how long
it will be before he will get to the Eastern
Railway Station.
There are two little girls of the same
name in New London, Conn. The other
night one of them said her prayers, and
for fear they might be credited to the
other child, she added, after the amen,
"No. 10 Orange street, ,-@.l.
A poem commences, ssUnder the willows
he's lying" He must be a tramp. They
lie under all sorts of trees. One was dis
covered lying under an axle tree the other
morning. The owner of the wagon made
him wheel-wright around and leave.
Rector's wife tseyerely;) ''Tommy Rob-
inson, how is it you don't take your hat
off when you meet me?" Tommy; swell,
marin, if take off my hat to you, what
be to do when I meet the parson him
self ?" g
Customer -"What did you think Of the
Bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby?''
Hairdresssr really sir, there was
gent sittin' in front ONE as lad his lair
parted that couldn't ear ha word -
A Chicago woman is going to try to
keep her mouth shut three thousand quar-
ter hours. If this new departure should
become epidemic what mighty peace
would settle down upon the troubled
land!
A Michigan tramp, who has been shot
at five times by farmers wives, says he
has only to watch the end of the gun to
avoid the contents, as woman always
sh uts both eyes when shepulls the trigger.
There is nothing in the world quite 50
contemplate as the wishy- washy good
person who spends half his time in COM
uniting little wrongs and the other half in
snivelling repentance.
A Mississippi candidate thus frankly an
nounces himself 'sAt the earnest solicit
tations of those to whom owe money, 1
have consented to become candidate for
county treasurer.
A religious exchange says POLITICALLY
that Adam and Eve began in spring and
ended with early summer. We always
thought they had fall trade.
Many woman dusts billiard chalk off
her husbands coat, and a big tear stands
in her eye as she thinks how late he works
nights at his desk by the white washed
wall. }A1it
Sis it possible, Miss, that you do not
know the names of your best friends?"
''Certainly; 1 do not even know what my
own may be in year from now.''
A Minnesota farmer who has five grown
up daughters has sued the county. He
claims his residence has been used as
courthouse for the past two years. ID
A bachelor has left boarding house in
which were number of old maids on ac-
count of misera BILE fair set before him at
the table. FTefR9e
We are rather inclined to the opinion
that baseball player isn't half as much
interested in catching flies as is bald
headed man.
Marrying girl with A. N. M. D. and |
Phi. D. after her name has its advantages. |
but girl that can cook gives man more
solid comfort.
Where is there a greater satire upon
man than in the game OF chess, where the
queen has to do work and the king is the
one to be protected. $1,000.
.sEmotional paralysis of the memory'' is
a tender Carolina phrase for falsehOod. ]