Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1879-10-18
HUMoRs OF THE TELEGRAPH.
incidents I'm the Everyday Life of
AN Operator.


from the Cincinnati Enquirer.I
The majority OF the reading. and all of the
educated world are familiar with the accepted
theories. regarding electricity, aud with The
application OF these theories by which we have
the telegraph. But comparatively few hive
lifted the veil OF the temple and witnessed the
these are the employees Of the companies whose
business 1t is TO control and make use OF the
mysterious agency and wonder working
wires for the convenience and happiness OF
In the history Of the Western Union company
recall out Two instances OF the known be-
tray al by operators Of the contents OF impor-
tant messages among the millions OF opporttIni-
ties and inducements offered.
In no other business are mistakes more COM
mon, or Tor many reasons 50 eXcuSable Fo"
instance, cOmpusitOr or copviSt has his
manuscript to easily consult, and. to a certain
extent, is master OF his own time; out opera
tors time, especially II receiving a message, Is
governed by tie one al the other end OF the line
AID he must depend for accuracy uDon the cor
rectpeS5 OF his ear and memory. Nearly every
one has read OF the indignation OF that father
who received q message that his sckiy diugh-
ter who was absent at school, had a Child
this morning" and the subsequent appe ts4l
OF bis wrath upon finding out III At the original
message read chill" not :. child" Not long
ago certain charitable Institution WAS co-
for the Whereabouts OF monkey Wrench.
The inquiry was instantly changed 10 MOGhe
French however, upon being returned TO the
telegraph company Tor explanation, and apol
ogy made for the unintentional blunder. Ii
was think the same operator who, In taking
an Associated Press article, innocently SPOKE u
"Mrs Herman Us Secretary of The Tressnry-a
sudden advance in woman'S rights to which the
Secretary. Mr.. sherman, would doubtless bject
And a peaceful family circle ought not to be
surprised as 1t was, by receiving the f)ll0wing
'sJOhn is ead beat. Depot this evening"" when
correct transmission OF the dispatch would
have rendered It, John is dead. Be at depot
this evening" recall another family agitated
by the Geographic Information that " Brother
led last night" only to ultimately tiud out th4t
a dpfnFfp6 nj
Some time since a message transmitting the
Intelligence that "the PresbyJery lacked quo
ecclesiastical wonderment and dismay reach
ing its destination by announcing that the
Presbytery tackled worm on to Adam" Com
uent is unnecessary.
The worthy and sedate Dr. Blank, OF one of
our eastern colleges, once accepted an invita-
t1on to lecture in western city. His letter Of
to state the subject OF his discourse, and, TO
advertise In advance, the committee was obliged
10 telegraph him, requesting his subject. They
were somewhat aston1shed at his reply, but,
not thinking OF the possibility OF mistake,
handed It over to the only daily paper, Which
In highly eulogisIic but utterly misleading
Article advised all its readers to hear Rev. DR..
Blank deliver his celebrated and extremely
humorous lecture-subect: "a Flea for ActIv-
ity." The Doctor arrived too late TO have The
announcement changed TO what 1t should have
been-"A Plea for Activlty"-aud the result
was disappointed house and a grieved lee
turer.
the mistakes of the telegraph, often pro-
VCk1ng and sometimes amusing, are OCCASION
ally in their results Of great Importance. 1t
was not long ago that wheat Spectator in
Chicago made $50 600 by a small order being
accidentally changed to an immensely large one
believe he has made no complaint: Had the
market turned the other way, though!
Some years ago The daughter OF a well-known
citizen OF Central New York, named Jennie,
bad unfortunately, as the father then thought,
1olmed an attachment for young man named
John. To separate them the father sent her to
spend the winter with married sister, Mary,
who resided In New York. Spring approached,
and Jennie was expected home On certain
day, but, instead, the father received a letter
from his son-in- law desiring that she might re-
main while longer so that his wife could
accompany him On snort southern trip, and
requesting an answer by telegraph; whereupOn
IL father sent the following dist patch:
Jennie may stay and Mary go, If she wishes
to very much"
The message as delivered in New York read:
der ME may stay and marry Geo. If she wishes
10 very much"
Tie father Immediately received this from
jennie: "a thousand thanks for your permIs-
sion; John ana marry at once. The telegraph
siupidiy made his name George, but OF course
you meant john
How it happened that John was so wonder
fully convenient is, probably, not our concern,
ana we can only hope that the father and Jen-
Lie have never regretted this mistake Of the
telegraph.
Tie hieroglyphical characters supposed to be
writing Ia some messages handed III over the
Cffce counters is sometimes fearful and wonder
fol 10 contemplate.
The telegraph Is only used In cases Of import
ance or emergency, and the Incorrect reading
OF q ST gle word In a condensed telegram is ap,
TO render 1t lot only valueleSs. but Is liable to
lead to a serious mlsconStructon.
Business men especially should bear in mind
that plain clear chtrography not only lessons
the liability to error, but helps 10 hastens the
forW arding OF a message.
To illustrate the careeSSneSS OF some mems
writing is the story Of that English no5le,nan
who wrote 10 friend In India 10 please send
at once two monkeys" but LIE wrote the two
without crossing + CO ind
that Els friend mstook 1t Tor 1000, and on the
first boat came thirty five monkeys, witG note
saying the balance would follow As soon aS 80
large an order could be filled.
The members Of the press are not exempt
from this carelessness OF untrahslatable hand
writing. l remember special sent By metro
politan reporter from a small Town, describing
an execution. The sending operator com pia.ned
OF the Writ 6, and stumbled along slowly and
sruInbliDgly, finally Gaping Inc climax by say
ing tnat "the doomed man then arose. partook
OF a hearty breakfast and went out aud buried
himself with his NE" The city operator re-
gently much study, was told by The sender TO
change the last i've words to "bus!ed himself
with bis pipe"
Mentioning newspapers, recalls message
sent by an energetic CincInnat1 editor who had
heard false rulnor Of heavy rain and flood
~ the country editors vicinity, 10 the editor OF
a country weekly. 1treld:
''SeE d US particulars or the flood"
The reply was quite prompt:
"YoC vii find q full account In Genesis"
sages, aid also TO such as: .'Send me two
daughters of an outcaSt;" or, ave have no
desl ei ate men, for he rightly concludes that
the laSt-mentioned are either TO or from some
book. dealer.
Why telegraphers, as class, are SD seem
tpgly careless and mirthful heed not be dis
cussed here. Perhaps the lively character OF
the GUid with which they are brought into con-
slant contact Is Iransfused and causes this
efIervesence CT mental activity. Oae OF Their
hCDoied customs in the Initiating of al opera
tor fresh and verdant from some small country
place into his new position In city office, with
rs babel OF SQUADS and perpleEing rush and
hurry. reminds one OF college hazing, or the
sailors Daptizement on his first crossing Of the
lire.
TIE victim is requested to take a special"
How ttinidly he Sits down, and how nsryOusly
he sharpens his pencil to take for the first time
In his life press for the papers How the 10
stTument buZZes when he says 'eio ahead
and closes his key. He feels the watchful eye
or the Chief, ard he must not, he Will not, fall
In his first trial. And, q. what dispatch for
new spaper. 1t begins all right about a rail-
road accident, but In some mysterious way
this connects itself with temperance conven-
ton, which branches into a IRE caused by
walking match, With Congress calling upon
Mexico to prevent the duel between the polar
expedition aid the Pacific railroad which