The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-30
ATT SORTS.
There was a Young fellow of Leicester
Who a beautiful damsel did peiccster,
But wheneseyer he addreicester

book agent the other night, but dropped
IF Immediately and has been lame ever
'ince.-Joe Bdrnuns.
It is only when little man attempts to
get hold of big idea that he realizes the
iifiulty of hosting pig-lead with pair OF
tweezers, - Yonker'S Gazette.
A certain Congressman boasts that he
is "self-made man" Those who know
him best say he never did undertake to
make anything without botching it.
A Nevada bedbug bit man on the lip,
and both bug and man died from the eff
fects of 1t. The doctors didn't know
which to post-morten on Medical AdUt-
Sor.
When this Government decides to strike
off another new dollar we shall be on hand
to suggest that the owl has been treated
most shabbily in the matter of portraits
Detroit Free Press.
frequently speaker has no conception
of the force of his own remarks. I'm SO
busy with this big estate my brother left |
me-" SAID a sharp Yankee lawyer.
declare sometimes | almost wish John
hadn't died"
A young man, the other day, got mar
rled against the wishes OF his parents. and,
requesting a friend to break it to them,
said Tell them | am dead, old fellow,
and gently work them up to the climax.
Grandpapa-"Wha on earth is the
matter with you, Tommy? You have
been crying all morning" Tommy-"So
would you cry, too, grandpapa, if you fell
down twice without getting up once. =
FIN.
Before marriage manis generally greet
ed By his sweetheart with, My darling, is
it you2" But after marriage she general
ly rusaes to the door aud shouts, Hugh
Henry, wipe you boots. N Y Eapress.
Youth-"Yes, it is curious | have no
beard; | can't think who take after-my
grandfather had as plendid one" Hair,
cutter-"Oh perhaps you take after your
grandmother. Punch.
When lady, by accident, discovers that
| her photographer has put her picture in
his showcase. she goes home and makes a
terrible time over it, but she doesn't order
it to be taken out,
a man In Nevada found his fortune by
taking drink Of water. We've taken a
pint or more Of the stuff 10 the past ten
years, had 20 fortune when we commenced,
and have not got it yet,-AR Oajona
Sheet.
Did you ever know barber to own up
that he had cut you? They never do it:
they simply go for chunk of alum and cas-
ualiy remark; well, guess [ shaved that
spot trihe too close. IFaterloo Observer
A Kansas farmer purchased a revolver
for his wife, and insisted on target practice,
so that she could defend the house 10 case
of his absence, After the bullet had been
dug out of his leg, aud the COW buried, he
guessed that she'd better shoot with an
| Xe.
/ Why don't you get even with him p
was asked of youth whose schoolmate
was in the habit Of hectoring him. And
the wise young man replied never cross
the tease for tear he might dot my eyes. y
I-Ncao Bedford Mercury.
The girl that wears a ring on her fore
finger is not always engaged. She's
obliged to do it to keep up with the times
and the young man should not get down In
the mouth at any of these signs. Besides
the girls like too get used to the feel Of
the thing. W. Allen.
Rash, sinful man." said upbraidingly
, the chaplain to the prisoner, suppose you
were to die, now, what sort of a conscience
r would you die with, eh?" "Oh, my con
i science is Gs good as new; never used
n bit off" said tho prisoner proudly.
f The relationship Of a man or woman il
rainy weather, according to the Alban7
Jou1ning, is easily Dissolved. If they ar
lovers, the womas, will have all the um
t brelIa, and the man won't care a fig how
e wet he gets. But If they are mayred,
is just the opossite.
A Philadelphia miss at Long Brancl
bothers the young men to whom she is in
: troduced by starting offin this way. befor
E they have chance to say word. I'VE
3 it is awfully hot We came here last wee
. We will stay two weeks more. We are a
- this hotel. | Ike Long Branch. No,
u let's talk about something else. "-Tyo
II Times
He was plain old granger, and whe
his son informed him that he had deter
Of mined 10 go to college and learn somethin
is the old gentleman looked straight at bin
is and said: Now. look a-here, John, 70
e. may learn readin. ritin, spelliu, 'rithme
tic, and little Biography, but if you crap
pie with any O. them there dead lang
e widges I'll kill you when you come hom
SOS they 90 you some good, Morris
to70n Herald.
Baseball, it will be remembered By oil
settlers, is asgame played byseighteep Del
sons wearing shirts and drawers. The
:: scatter around the field and try to catch
cannon ball covered with rawhide. Th
game Is to get people to pay two shilling
= - ID L.
r SIN.
y Good EVENING""
Good enening!"
- This is pleasant evening"
h "A 0e7y nice evening"
n MAY | see you home this evening ?"
\ We'll, not this evening"
Good evening. +"
"a Coed evening""
Thus evening matters all around, SIN
= acuse Sunday Times.
o. A small boy yesterday stepped upon
= bit of plank and had the bottom of b
foot punctured by nail projecting there
y, from. He had heard that a nail woun
Is IN the foot caused loekjaw, and lockjav
caused death He therefore sat down O
10 the edge of the sidewalk and cousidere
" himself goner. Sammy" ssid he to
companion, Il got ter die. III be toe
z. with the lockjawr in about mint, the
IS IN die. I'd like to sec mother first, bI
I've got to die and 20 up to heaven, and
can't help it. Virginia (NeU.) Cbronicl
&c 4 party of gentlemen we're playing care
- a few nights ago, and the game went Q
l. smoothly until eleven o'clock. when one
= the party, young man, got up and sal
es hurriedly:
st .Gentlemen. / must go: nv vile Is e,