Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1879-09-11
A Picnic Experience.

ject further. - will dcscribei II aver On
you. In the first place, you want 10
get the thermometer up TO 100 In the
shade, and 10 keep IL there steadily
with not wind enough blowing TO make
leaf tremblc. Then you get In Tho
cars, and go out 10 some place a few
miles nearer 10 the equator than where
sou live; and when you alight from the
train you discover that the picnic
ground Is right on top Of an adjacent
hill. There Is no vehicle within reach.
and 80 start up the side Of the precipice
with basketiul Of provisions upon each
arm, and "A bottle OF mixed pickles in
| your coat tail pocket. There Is no shade
upon the precipicc, of course. and AZ
| you push upward you become hotter
and hotter, until you feel convinced that
the mercury must have crawled UP to Mt
least $40 degrees; and meanwhile the
bottle OF mixed pickles gradually gets
TO weighing ton.
But you do reach the top finally, and
rs soon as you are in the shade Of the
woods you sink down exhausted, and
crap for drink of water Somebody
opens your lunch-basket 10 get "A cup,
and then the discovery Is made that the
jar of raspberry jam on everything, in
Guiding your shairbrush and the clean
| shirt collar that you brought along 10
wear home in the afternoon.
AT this moment some one ascertains
that there Is no water on the top Of the
hill. The nearest spring IL Il full half
mile downward, at the bottom Of the
prccipice. and the water has TO be
brought up in buckets. Lots are drawn
To see who shall 90 for il, and you are
one of the victims. When you get your
u fsEf hNE lssaNa Il 4. 4
with perspirati~ n, and you feel pretty
nearly ready 10 90 into "A hospital for re-
pairs.
At this critical Juncture one of the
| young ladies declares that IL would be
so nice If there could he aswing, and the
leading male idiot Of the party produces
a rope from bundle. You suppose. Of
course, that he intends 10 put ii up but
upon inquiry you are alarmed that
neither he nor any other Of the men
knows anything about climbing trees.
As you, on the trip PIP. have impudcntly
boosted of your youthful feats in gath
ering chcstnuts, there il no escape for
you, and so, taking one end Of the rope
in your mouth. you embrace the trunk
of the tree and begin. when YOU slip
back two or three times the ladies laugh.
and the men who don't know how 10
climb make amusing remarks about the
disordered condition Of your clothing.
You reach the lower branches. The
men who were totally ignorant of tree
climbing show by the advice III give
you that they know more abor fixing
swing-ropes than man ought 20 be al
lowed 10 know in free country. When
the rope NJ last is adjusted. YOU grasp
IT and glide down with such rapidity a.
Ng.V q l. l.. al 4
your hands.
Next, the fattest young lady in the
party. the girl who turns the scales nj
oil pounds. asks IL you will push her in
the swing; but, Of course. YOU are far
too intelligent for that, so wander OF a
piece until you meet another girl who
says you must dance with her, because
they have TO have one more gentleman
To make up the set. II you had your
choice between losing n leg by amputa-
ton and dancing plain cotillion. you
would prefer amputation; but there is
no help for IL. and so join the party.
At half past twelve lunch is ready.
and you answer the call with the feeling
that il is the only agreeable occurrence
of the day. The cloth has been spread
upon the grass: and you observe that
the ants have gotten into the sugar.
that some energetic spider has spun
web from the pickle.bottle TO the lemon
ade pitcher. and that a colony of strad-
die bugs Is fI'iskinR about over the cold
ham. ] say nothing about the hop-toad
that lights in among the sandwiches. or
of the bumblebces that haunt the pre-
serve jar so that you daren't put a spoon
within four feet of it. This kind Of
thing has to be on 4 picnic. and we must
submit Ia IL ne a matter of duty.
After lunch. you think IL would be
nice to 60 down the hill and take a swim
in the creek. You undress. and really
do have n nice bath. just as you are
about 20 come out. the fat girl and the
girl who wanted you 10 dance come
meandering along. end they sit down
within twenty feet Of your clothes. with
out pcrceivinE them. They have come
for little chat and they talk. and talk.
and talk, as II they have made up their
minds to have one final and conclusive
conversation, so as 10 leave nothing TO
be talked about any more forever and
forever. Meanwhile the sun is coloring
You so that you resemble a boiled
lobster. and although you clear your
throat. and splash, in the noiscst man
ner possible, they positively refuse TO
hear you. At last, however. they get
up To go, Just as the picnic party is COM
ing down the hill TO catch the train.
You Jump out, and dress in furious
haste, for fear you will be left; and be-
fore you can get your shoes huttoned
you hear the whistle. You run for 1T.
and get into the car. hot, wet and mis-
erablc. only to find that your lunch bas-
ket has been left on the hill, and that
your share of the expenses is exactly
fifteen dollars.
mice picture. isn't itp Well. that's
our American picnic! That's exactly
the experience went through last
Thursday week. II ever do IL again,
/ want my friends 10 run me right into
an insane asylum, on the double-quick."
--Md1 Adeler.