The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-02-07
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

A man feels cold nowadays whether or
nO.-Nsso York Commercial Aduertiser.
A newsboy's appetite for smoking is q
stubborn thing. - Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
Men who can't afford ulsters must retail
their coats and pull down their vests. Troy
Budget.
Married in Denver-John Kerb and Eta
Stone. A ring on curbstone is an excel
lent mode of hitching.
Mrs. Partington declares that she does
not wish to vote, as she fears she could not
stand the electrical franchise.
Isn't it funny that when fish are weighed
| the weight of the scales has to be counted
in.-Baltisaore Every Saturday.
The little contribution salvers handed
round in churches are apt to come back
rather nickel-plated. .-Nsso Orleans Picay-
aR6.
A clock keeps its hands before its face,
probably because it is ashamed of the cow
ardly manner in which time fles.-Oa Oakland
(Cas.) Mirror.
This sidewalks handy, but not as san
dy as I wish it was" said the man who
reached his length on the icy pavement
New Hausn Register.
The Nation has an article entitled "The
Last Trace of the War" 1t must have be-
longed to the harness of an artillery mule.
Cincinnati Saturday Night. a.
"Ez gineral thing" said John Quincess
last evening, "T am down on puns, but apun
my word, I've allus considered blacksmith
hoss sure.-Yorksrs IN ~ Gazette.
A theatrical company opened in St. Louis
recently in Hurricanes and Old Lone Letters.
Il is not the first time that old love letters
have produced hurricanes in good houses
Neso Orleans Picayune.
A retired detective, in writing up the re-
cords Of his twenty-five years. experience,
was greatly surprised to discover that On
two or three occasions he had come very
near catching somebody. dy.-Burdets.
Last summer, when the hot wave from
the West struck Us SO violently, we felt as
if we'd like to 60 out and shovel ten feet OF
snow off neighbor's sidewalk, and not
charge him cent We don't feel that way
now.-NorriStown Herald.
If there is any time in a mans life when
he wishes that he had been born of the
-pin-wearlng sex, it is that morning
when he awakes in . strange hotel and re-
members that he has no button-hook to fas-
ten his CATERS with. th.--Syracuse Times.
Huxley is about to deliver new course
of lectures adduclng fresh proof that man.
kind originally had tails. He may probably
bs able to show that man was originally a
wag, but he can't convince us that be ran
column of humorous paragraphs in a daily
paper. Nor was the "wag" much Of an
author, because his tail was not continued.
Norristos0n Heraad.
Aman was In bed very ILL., when an old
chum came to see him. ''I am awfully
bad" said the patient "you see am ly-
ing on my right side, and my doctor says
am so bad that if were to turn over on my
left side should die." ''What an extfaor-
dinary thing to sayr' said the friend. '9I
assure you be did say it, replied che sick
man. 81 can't believe it, rejoined the
visitor. "What p exclaimed the sick man,
lyon don't believe it? Then look here ~
and he turned over and died in rage
Parts Figaro.
A learned clergyman in the State Of Maine
was aecosted in the following manner by an
illiterate preacher, who despised education:
"sir, you have been to college, suppose 9'
60 Yes, sir" was the reply. 81 am thank
full" rejoined the former, ssthat the Lord
has opened nay mouth to preach without
any learning ga similar event. replied |
the clergyman, "took place in Balaam's
time, but such things are of rare occurrence
in the present day."
The other day Detrioter, who has a |
good record Of army service, took down his
revolver to shoot cat which had been !
hanging about the house. After looking
at him while he fred six shots, the cat !
walked away. While he was loading up
for more destruction the shooters small |
boy inquired: " Father, did you ever kill /
any one while in the army?''' AZ suppose
SO, my son" After long pause the boy
continued Then you must have got near
enough to hat 'em with an az, didn't you P''
1t was then discovered to be about school
time.
An impecunious editor, while travelling
ON the New York Central railroad on
pass, was pat of at Utica by the conductor
in compliance with new law then enacted
in that State forbidding the use of passes.
In letter to bis wife the unlucky journal
ist thus relates his woes "Dear Wife
Sell my t'other clothes for what they will
bring and remit at once. Had my linen
duster for supper and my spare shirt will
have to go for lodging. May be able to
make light breakfast op German silver
comb and pair of shears that / chanced to
have with me. Don't know when shall
get home: it will depend good deal on
the walking. DON'T marry for few months
there is bare possibility of my getting
back"
TREASURE FOR THE MrLLIoE.--Stories
Of buried treasure on Mr.. Parlett's place on
she old Trappe road, known as Orange farm,