Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-12-31
FUNNYGRAPHS.

oOAA Go VI ILL PAoFou uuSDduQIy-
old maids.
The god of Iawyers-More-fee-u
Neao York People.
CoURTsHIP is draw game-marriape
is tie.-Chicago Journal.
How to drown a cat? In the water
pitch her.-Boston Transcript.
PRIDE hath two seasons: A forward
spring and an early fall.-M. Y. Nems.
The Beautiful Dream" brand of
mlnce meat is about to be placed ON the
market.
A NEVADA ball report says: "Miss
- was full of eclat; the eclat-est lady
present"
CORRESPONDENT: "What ia the
Order of the Bath?' Go and soak your
head Cincinnati Saturday Night.
MANY time there's slip 'twixt the
cup and the lip, and heaps of times
there isn't.
In the midst of life we are in daily
receipt of the congressional record
Cheyenne Leader.
IT is very dangerous for any man to
find any spot on this broad globe that is
sweeter to him than his home.
PosT-"Do you want any of my blank
verse?" "No, we don't want any of
your - verse;" says the editor.
The Frenchman who attended fox
hunt was asked where the meet came off.
Having been thrown, he replied that it
came off his hands and knees.
YOU'VE lady to gent whom she refuses
to recognize:
We may meet, but shan't see you,
There shall De one vata1t stare.
-iNeubenyiHe HERALD
THE New Orleans Picayu,ae feels dis
couraged for the country When consider
ing the fact that the postal card is Il
years old and no bigger than when it
first started out.
MR. BYRON was once knocked up at
an uncomfortable hour in the morning
by friend. "Ah," he said, ga rose
two l'ours later would have been quite
as sweet.
omen often Jump at conclusions"
says the pr0verb. So do dogs. One
recently jumped at the conclusion of a
cat which was sticking through the
opening of partly closed door, and Gre
ated great disturbance.
DID you ever notice the fact-of
course you have-that a tramp who
claims he has a trade but can get no
work at it, in the winter is brickmaker
and in the summer lumberman or ice
awyer7-Loekport Union.
A BosToN paper says: GA butterfly
was caught at the South End yester-
day" 1t may be safe enough to catch
butterfly at the south end, but when
you 60 to grab wasp you want to catch
it at the north end.
a HARTFORD young man, who was
about to got married, has broken the
engagement because having watched his
girl while III hardware store he first
saw pen-holder, and directly after q
cork-squeezer.
IT is said if you sit down when assail-
ed by ferocious dog, the beast will not
touch you. But the judieious man, says
the Boston Transcript, will select as high
a seat as possible-at the top of tall
tree, for example.
A sCHOOL-TEACHER, who has just been
telling the story of David, winds up
with: "And all this happened over
5000 years ago." A little cherub, it's
eyes dilated with wonder, after mo-
ment's thought, said: "Oh, dear, marin,
what memory you must have"
A RETURNED New. Caledonian met
Victor Hugo the other day and cried to
him: How goes it, you gray-haired
old cus7' Hugo clutched at the welkin
for q thunderbolt. "You gray. haired
old custodian of the peoples ibertiesp
the man concluded. Hugo embraced
him with efusion.
"DoEs he know anything % anxiously
inquired friend, bending over the body
of the man who had just fallen from the
roof "Don't know, Pm sure" the
physician replied. "He never did know
any thing, but you can't tell what effect
the fall may have had upon him until
he regains consciousness"
"AND how is your neighbor, Mrs.
Brown" inquired one nicely dressed
lady to another. "She's well enough, I
suppose. haven't seen her to speak to
for six weeks" "Why, thought you
TIVE were on the most friendly terms"
well, we used to be, but we've ex-
changed servants. "-NeU Haven Regis
ter.
IT is said we shall soon be able to talk
to China by telephone. The next thing
will Dc talking around the world; then q
man can say "hellop' here in Syracuse,
and pretty quick the same "helloW
would come back and take him right in
the ear. Great thing, the telephone
Syracuse Sunday Times.
IF you will notice, you will find that
a lady on entering railroad car, will
almost invariably take her seat beside
another lady, when possible. A
gentleman is very likely to make the
same choice, which shows that the tastes
of the two sexes are not so dissimilar as
casual observer might be led to expect.
Boston Transcript.
| As sedate old man entered railroad
car with his wife at Turo, CAL, flask
of whisky fell from his pocket. A pas
senger picked it up and altered to return
it. "Oh, it isn't my husbands" the
woman said; che never drinksror carries
liquor" mo, it's not mine," the man
added uneasily." At the next station
the couple left the train; but be fore it