The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-02-27
WHOLE NO. 1853.
Miscellaneous.

100000 capital" Let soap it pays.
The man who said he was "out on q
lark" was really out on swallow.
1t is the brake of day that prevents
night from going too far.
A San Francisco paper says: 1.-TWO
Cinnamon collided with knives on Eagle
Creek, few days ago. One of them has
quit mining"
John Smith has named his son Victor
Hugo. 1t will be handy in after years,
when he wants to say Victor Hugo out
and split some wood"
A Chattanooga darkey, who was one of
jury which failed to convict for want of
evidence explained to his brethren that
the culprit was released on s'picion."
| A patriotic American boasts that mo
people on earth can excel the Americans
In the manly art of sitting on bench
and watching eighteen men play base
ball."
II walked the floor all night with the
toothache," said he. To which his un-
feeling listener replied: "You didn't ex.
pect to walk the ceiling with it, did your
AuuG bOTOLuy Wd0LS TO KNOW II OlllarQ
matches are any better for home use
than the old-fashioned ones.
An orator declaring that Fortune
knocked at every mans door once, an
old Irishman said, When she knocked
at mine l must have been out"
"See how ride O. er the raging manew
exclaimed the man who was thrown over
his horses head into ditch on the other
side of the fence.
A corset-maker out of work thus vent
ed her complaint: SHANE that should
be without bread-I have stayed the
stomachs of thousands"
Mother" said little square-built ur-
chin about five years old, why don't the
teacher make me monitor sometimes I
can lick every boy in my class but one"
Have you mother-in-law ?" asked a
man of disconsolate looking person
No, he replied, but I've father in
jail"
| A young lady while on her way to be
married was run over and killed. A con-
frmed old maid savagely remarked -
She has avoided more lingering and
horrible fate"
The OTHER.-"I know where there is
another arm just as pretty as this one,"
said young fellow to his sweetheart, as
he pinched her fair arm the other even
ing. The storm that gathered upon the
lady's brow as quickly passed away when
the young man pinched the other arm
and said, ut is this one, dear"
"Why, Willie" said his mother, at
6Innar
plate of pudding can you? p "Oh yes,
can, Ma. One more plate will just fill
the Bill"
Partisan told his boarding house
keeper that the coffee had only one great
hlerit and one great fault: the merit that
it had no chicory in it and the fault that
there was no coffee in it.
Small gentleman appears in huge hat,
which engulfs him to his shoulders His
Wife: But that doesn't fit you, my love-"
He: That's what told the man but he
showed me his gold medal the only one
awarded for hats, and what could do p
An English paper tells this story of
Bishop Barring: A child, who had been
playing in Auckland Park, boasted, on
returning home, that she had seen and
been spoken to by 1.-The Lord Bishop
What did he say ?" "Oh he frowned
and said: Get off the grassY
Actual occurrence in Chicago street
car Stylish lady, holding lap dog, is
about ready to leave the car. Dog mani
tests impatience Lady says, in her
sweetest tones wait. darling, till man.
ma puts on her glove"
"Your late husband, madam" began
her lawyer. "Yes. know he was always
late out o nights, but now that he's dead,
don't let us upbraid him." said his char
liable widow.
The father of ST. Louis bride presen-
ted his son-in-law with $4,000 head of
cattle. Papa dear" exclaimed his daugh-
ter when she heard of it, that was so
kind of you; Charleys awfully fond of
tail soup"
An Irishman remarked to his compan-
ion, on observing lady pass "Pat. did
you ever see so thin a woman as that be-
fore p Thin y replied the other
" "Botherashen I seen a woman as thin
as two of her put together, SO have"
miss Brown, have been to learn how
to tell fortunes" said fellow to brisk
brunette; give me your hand, if you
please" La Mr.. White, how sudden
you are Well, go ask pa
A poor Irishman, seeing a crowd of
people approaching, asked what was the
He was answered: "A man GO
ing to be buried" "Oh," he remarked,
"Ill stop to see that, for we carry them
to be buried in our country"
do eagles give milk, mother2" asked
the boy. mo, my son what made you
think so ?" Because I've heard the ca
giles scream" The mother reached for
her slipper, but the embryo paragrapher
had vanished.
He could stand it, he said, to see his wife
paint every thing, from tin cup to an
old straw hat, and stick it all over with
Cupds and heathen Chinese. But when
she swooped down upon their last mince-
pie and embellished that, he thought it
was time to kick" And he did.
When shall call you in the morning,
Sir2" asked hotel waiter of an Aberdo-
nian one night. He replied, pawkily,
I'll ring the bell when l wish to be
called"
Old Lady, to Taxidermist: "You can
see, yourself man, you only stuffed my
poor parrot in the summer, and here's his
feathers tumbling out before your eyes"
Taxidermist: "Lor' bless ye, m, that's
Tho ~ nf o,,r onE wv ot,,H,