Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1879-05-13

II left much longer in the vestry they
might burst. The brewer wouldn't
take them back and give cash-and,
indeed, II would be Just as sinful TO
sell them to him as to any one else.-
The whole church Ia I'm state of fer
ment and will have no peace until, as
the man said of his sick wife, "she
either gets better soon, or, or-somo-
thin'.n
You may rail at life as much as you
will and bemoan your I'll fortune to
your hearts content and blame every
body except yourself for what hap
pens, but after all 1t lie eternally true
that life is game of toss up in which
the heads win every time,
Sheridan,s power OF repartee will
keep his name bright for many a gen.
GRAFTON yet. On one occasion, when
he had been snubbed by the Chief
Justice, he sat in logged silence lis
tening to the judges charge to the ju-
ry, All at once an ass began to bray.
Sheridan rose In his statellest manner,
and, addressing the Court. said:--"I
beg your parpon, your lordship, but
did you not hear remarkable echo in
the court room?"
A pun Is said to be the lowest kind
of wit, and ought not to be admitted
into the good society Of brains. 1t Is
very persistent, nevertheless, end can
no more be extinguished than Ban
quo's ghost, A gentleman once said,
when countrp clergyman led bis
horse into the stable, that the install.
alton went off vsry we'll. The neatest
pun, however, that is at present float
ink about on the current of literature
Ia the following
It's hope that keeps us up,
It'shope that keeps our memories green
It's hope that makes our lives sublime,
It's sope that keeps us clean.
1t isa popular notion that fruit Is
gold In the morning, silver at noon
and lead at night. Like many other
popular notions 1t had its origin in a
historic fact, If not historic disaster.
II Adam had eaten his apple in the
morning the whole destiny of the
world might have been changed but,
poor ignorant man, he eat 1t just after
Eve, and have all inherited the inter
nal commotion.
DR.. Ialmage's Church, II we may
Judge from the people who fill the
galleries of the Presbyterian court, is
made up largely of that class of peo-
pie who attend the circus all the week
and demand at least taste Of the
same kind OF performances on Sunday.
Over the front door should be written
Ibis inscription -
De Tad nscle Chu'ch De Tab'naelo Chu'eh
Done put ole Satan behind UNI;
Ell q sinner git loose from any udder ehu'eh
De Tab 'naole Church will One UNI.
Billings theology Is not apt to be of
the strictest kind, but there are times
when he gives utterance to q state.
ment which Ia calculated TO start the
theological mind on new train of
thought, az, for instance, when lie
says - .-.r,
What man IL most afrade ov he
eez he don't believe In; this may ac-
kount for some mems unbeleaf in
hell'
It's not often that youth takes
his seat as sudden as the one OF whom
we are about to speak or keep It as
persistently. He was the keenest
blade In the class, and when an I'M
popular Professor said. ''Gentlemen,
your next subject for composition will
be manners" he at once rose ane ask
ed, "Can we write on bad manners,
STRIP The Professor looked over bis
spectaoles at the all-conquering youth
and quietly said, Certainly; you can
write about whatever you are best nc
quainted with" Fol