Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-12-25
No. 6
ALL SORTS.

| ALL SORTS.
BosroN girls are sig hing for an Intellectual
looking method of banging the hair.
| How can procrastination be the thief of
| time when it never comes up to time!
MISS LILLIAN BAILEY, young American
| singer, has made great success In London
| this season.
MIR. JAMES T. FIELDS is lecturing to 1900
| people in Baltimore twice week on English
| literature.
A western paper describes very lengthy
man as being tall enough to 60 into the woods
and pick mess of squirrels.
Precocious Boy (mnnching the fruit of the
| date tree): 'Mamma, if eat dates enough
| will grow up to be an almanac? -
Venus was the first person who had beI
boat sawed in half; whence she came ashore
on the half-shell.
Both the Meeker girls are lecturing, and
that scheme for presenting testimonial to
the squaw who sayed their lives is lndeinile-
| ly postponed.
ARCHIBALD FORBES is mentioned in orders
in the last London Gazette for having, dur
ing fight in Afghanistan, attended to the
wounded on the field.
The Elmira Advertiser says that lady at
theatre or an opera has perfect right to
wear high hat, provided she takes the seat
furthest back, or takes her hat off.
''You just take bottle of my medicine, y
said quack doctor to a 'consumpt've, land
you'll never cough again" els it so fatal as
that2" gasped the consumptive.
The Hornell Times records the marriage OF
a man in LIE Roy to his sixth wife, four of
| them being sisters, and the last one being the
Youngest He says: ''When you get into
good family stick to it..
The man who starts out to lecture on the
benefits of early rising to the present genera
tion may confidently expect to starVe to death
after the third night
A GENIUS has invented book-rest war
ranted to save mans back and eyes. They
are worth saving, and clergymen from tue
pulpit will soon be crying 'Give US rest.
MIR. WILLIAM BRADFORD, the artist, for
the two pictures which he is to paint for Earl
Grosvenor is to receive $18, 900. One will be
Yosemite picture, the other an Arctic scene
THE Empress of Russia recently received
| dress from Paris, the cost of which was
$5, 900. Probably the Emperor will have last
winters boots half-soled, and wear the same
old ulster.
THE largest steamer that ever crossed the
Atlantic was the Great Eastern. Her ex-
treme length was $50 feet, with tonnage of
IL, 900 tons. She was built in England and
was launched in January, 1853.
THE seventh regiment fair at New York
has already resulted in putting $55, 900 into
the regimental treasury for the furnishing of
the new $4O0, 900 armory building. The fair
will be continued another week.
Who wouldn't rather be President than be
right? Come, now, no shirking. The salary
of President is $780, 900 year; the salary of
being right is all the way from $15 a month
down to splitting wood for cold dinner.
A corset-maker out of work thus vented
her complaint: ''Shame that should be
without bread-1, who have stayed the stom-
achs of thousands" She should have re-
flected that she did this not with bread or
meat, but with bones.
A DRAGGING nobleman once said at the ia
BILE that he had shot a buck to the hind hoof
and the ear with one bullet, and called on his
ready-witted serving man for cOrroboration.
The servant, scratching his head, replied that
the buck was scratching his ear at the critical
moment, and added in an undertone to his
MASTER ''For mercy's sake, my lord, next
time don't make it so hard to make both ends
meet"
A LEADING firm in Charlestown, s. c., has
entered suit for $79, 1000 against the proprie-
tors of the two principal gambling saloons,
the amount sued for or a portion of it being
alleged to have been lost at various times by
young men in whom the prosecutors are in
terested. The action is brought under the
law which provides that money won at gam
bling shall upon proof be returned fourfold.
"Done," said the stranger, and by this time
every clerk in the store had gathered around
and waited to join in the laugh against the
man, who, walking up to the sack, threw it
across his shoulder with perfect ease, though
extremely heavy, and walking with it twice
across the floor, went quietly to large hook
which was fastened to the wall, and hanging
it up. turned to the merchant and said
''There. now it may hang there till dooms-
day, shall never take it down. What shall
l go about now, mister Just give me plenty
to do and 800 month, and it's all right.
They broke into laugh and the merchant,
discounted, yet satisfied, kept bis agreement,
and to-day the green countryman is tie 8 n
ior partner of the firm, and is worth mil
lion dollars.
...f D~<@~s-<<-
Grant and the Nicaraguan Canal.