Daily Republican., 1879-10-09
MUMOROUs.
nRows,s MATRIMONIAL METHOD.

HUMOBOUS.
BRows's MATRIMONIAL METHOD.
"Brown, l don't see how IL Is that
your girls all marry of % soon as they
get old enough, while none Of mine can
marry"
"Oh! that's simple enough. l marry
my girls of on the buckwheat straw
principle
But what's that principle' I never
heard of II before"
"Wsll, I used to raise q great deal OF
buokwheat, and 1t puzzled me TO know
how to get rid of the straw. Nothing
would eat it, and It was a great bother
to me. At last l thought Of plan. l
stacked my buokwhest straw nicely
and built high rail fence around 1t.
NV cattle at once concluded 1t was
something good, and at once tore down
the fence and began to eat the straw.
dogged them away and put up the
fence few times, but the more l drove
them off, the more anxious they became
to eat the straw. After this had been
repeated few times, the cattle deter
mined to eat the straw, and eat 1t they
did. every bit Of it.
As l said, marry my girls On the
same principle. When a young man
that don't like begins calling on my
girls, l encourage him in every posi-
bic way can. tell him to come often
and stay as late as he pleases, and l
take pains to hint to the girls that l
think they'd better set their caps for
him. 1t works first rate. he don't
make many calls, for the girls treat
him as coolly as they can. But when
q young fellow that like, comes around,
a man that / think would suit me for a
SON law, I don't let him make many
calls before give him to understand
that he isn't wanted about my house.
I tell the girls too, that they shall not
have anything to do with him, and give
them orders never to speak to him
again. The plan always works first
rate. The young folks begin to pity
each other, and the next thing ! know
they are engaged to be married. When
I see that they are determined to mar
ry, | always give in and pretend to
make the best Of it. That's the way l
manage it,"
THE RAw-B0NED NAG.
Des Moines Leader.
Horse traders we're surprised in this
city couple Of days ago because q
horse which they refused to buy At
twenty-five dollars trotted under 2.5O
and made couple hundred dollars for
his impecunious looking owner. Graves
and few others were standing out at
the corner of Third street when a rus
tic appearing chap drove up in a ricke.
ty rig, patched up harness and banged
wagon. The horses we're hitched in
and one of them seemed about ready to
Law down under load Of years and
short grass. This horse the fellow
tried to sell. He was very hard up,
and wanted to dispose Of him the worst
way. In his recommending he did not
forget that the old horse had "go" in
him. But the lookers-on didn't think
tn at plug could 60 and some Of them
we're rash enough to bet he couldn't 60
mile in four minutes.
They put up money on it and Kept
betting on time clear down to 2:5O.-
The owner then wanted to bet five
hundred dollars his horse could make
a mile on our track in 2:25. The
exceedingly willy horsemen in the
crowd got scared about this time and
refused to invest any more money, pre-
fe. ring to see how the old nag could
20. They all adjourned to the tair
grounds where rusticus, hitched to an
old sulky, drove around few times =" IT,,
timber up, and then got the word"go"
Away he went like the wind, in cloud
of dust by the stand and down the first
quarter, past the half mile in l:22,and
never skipped as he came do vn the
home stretch and passed under the wire
in 2:5O. The boys haven't got SO much
money as they had, but they found out
something.
Englishman to American girl: u
have seen considerable Of your coun-
try. have been to New York, Chicago,
Omahaw and other places, and it is a
gwate couLtry, but you don't seem to
have any gentwy in America" j.,
"What do you call gentry :" asked
the lady.
saw, why people, you know, who
doan't have to do anything, you know !;
people who can live without doing any
work !"
"Oh, yes, we have such people," an.
swered the lady, 'but We don't call
them gentry"
saw, then what do you call tbem'
pway ?"
"We call them tramps."
"Aw u'-"New York Commercial
Advertiser"
"You army chap" as the girl said to
her military lover.-"Bangor CONNER.
cial." "That's where you soldier self, !"
he wrote back when hs eloped with
another girl.-"Ottawa Republican.
This may be troopes haps. Hussar for
the other girl.-"Bpston Post" Some
militia mischief at the bottom Of 1t, no
doubt.-"Philadelphia Bulletin It's
the regular thing of corps for B. fellow
to keep comI any with one girl.-"Bos.
ton Post" Againf Kind Of a Grand
Army Post, ehY And when he is mar
ried to the other girl, you can in the
course OF time expect to hear from the
infantry, and there will be the cavil.ry,
and sooner or later an assault and bat
terry. That's howitzer going to be. We
could keep on at this kind Of thing all
,;oht but thora,a nothing mean about