The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-08-28
THEEXCHANGE
THURSDAY, AUGUST %, 1879.

THURSDAY, AUGUST %, 1879.
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Alas. how easily things go wrong
Trousers too short, or coat too long!
New York Express.
Alasl how easily things go wrong
Bed too short and legs toe long;
Cincinnati Commercial,
Alas! hew easily things go wrong
Short in wheat when Jim Keene is long ~
Nashville American.
''Alss. how easily things go wronS-
Americans last line is too long
Alasi how easily things go wrong
When it is not strong. and bit too long
between drinks
Hands have they, yet feel not
clocks. Legs have they, yet walk
not-tables. Eyes have they, yet
see not-needles. Teeth have they;
yet chew not--combs.
Kansas teacher: "Where does our
grain go TOP" "Into the hopper.
What hopper" "Grasshopper," tri-
umphantly shouted a scholar
An individual who called his first
daughter Kate, when his wife surprised
him with another girl promptly chris
tened her Duplicate.
An exchange says: ''There is no
royal road to matrimony." Correct;
both king and pauper have to walk
right up to the captains Office and in
terview the old man.
Magistrate: "You are charged with
having emptied basin of water over
the plaintiff" Irishwoman: "Sure,
yer honor, We must forgive me; in The
dark / took the gintleman for me
husband"
"How to get husband"i is the title
of little work advertised in the Eas
tern papers. The Elmira Gazette
thinks the safest place to get him 10y
the ear.
An Arab soldier asked leave to re-
visit the home of bis childhood, near
one of the most desirable of the pyra-
mids, making it as an excuse Glat he
wanted to see how his Mame-lukes.
A young clerk in Holyoke spent
six hours in refrigerator the
other day, having been imprisoned
by mistake. He felt on coming out
as though he had just been entertained
at fashionable church sociable.
A South American plant has been
found that cures bashfulness. 1t
should be promptly tried on the man
who leaves the hotel by the hack Wins
dow because be is too difidemt to say
good bye to the cashier and clerk.
Speak gently, speak gently; no
matter how mu"h bigger and how
much broader across the shoulder than
yourself another man is, nor how
cross he looks, speak gently. The
bigger and broader and crosser, the
gentlier.
George William Curtis is credited
with saying that nobody should smoke
in the presence of ladies. Whereupon
the Buffalo Express is constrained to
remark that it is time for the Indies to
get out Of the way.
"You are my precious pearl" he
said, as he drew her to his manly
breast. ooh, John" she sighed land
you are my oyster"
The young lady whose lover wrote
her that he was doing duty on the
tented field, atterwurd ascertained that
instead of fighting Indians, he drove
team for a circus.
The one unsatisfactory thing about
heaven to some women will he, when
they get into their ange! clothes they
can't jaw the dress maker about the fit
and say she kept all the scraps.
Nine out of ten groups of young la,
dies overheard in talking on the streets
or elsewhere will he found to Use the
pronoun he, his or him, just two hun
bred times oftener than any other
words.
A great many of our Modern young
ladies resemble the lilies of the field
they toll not neither do they spin !
But they spend pile Of money and
lay around the house and let their
mothers do the work. That's the kind
of hollyhocks they art!
Servant, (answering d"or-bell rung
by little ragged boy: Come, 90 right
away. We have got nothing 70. YOU.
Boy: Haven't asked You for nothing
yet, have |? Servant (banteringly):
Well, what would YOU have asked
for? Didn't know hut this house was
for sale, AMI if it was | wanted to buy
it.