The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-12-04
WIT AND UUN1OR.

1
brisk, bustling little woman, with Il
baby In her arms and mite of Il girl
by her side, and rs she stood before
the magistrate In tho Police Court she
courtsied low and then looked plain
lively In his face.
"What do you want, my good wom-
anP' His Honor asked.
"Ah! wisha, thin tits to get poor
Patsy Regan out, l come. The poor
bye hes been locked four hllsscd days"
"What was he accused OFF"
twas :hc lickcr, sur. The poor
bye tuck dhrop to, much."
~ DONE know how this case could
have passed me. The sale IF liquor to
minors always punish. or whom did
ho buy the liquor"
"FaiX from any man. When he do
go to play cards or talk pohtccks T. the
min they thrato him."
'lIe must be Il prscociOus youngster,
indeed, Does lie 20 to schools ?"
The applicant looked up in surprise.
'.Av co0rse not" she sud,
swell, you do treat educational adj
vantnges cooIly," observed the Court.
"What does he do, thcn?"
"Ile carries brick T. tho new houses.
sur"
Carries bricxs! That's odd occupa-
ton tor a chlld. How old is he"
"9crra, 'thln l dunno. meyer aXcd
him."
what don't know your own child's
agc.?"
The woman seemed dumbfounded,
and then gasped -
God bliss You. sur; Ills mo hus-
band Pm ailher."
They brought out tho .sdcar bye"
and hc as fifty ifa day. So they put
him back again.
THEY we're looking at the hippo
mus at the Aquarium. Said size, "Au-
Gustus. dear, did y0u say that was Il
hor:e?" "YeS, duckie, did river
horse" "Wcll, isn't he male up
wrong, or dcformcd, or something of
that sort?" 90. no; that's the only
model OF bloo'l stock they have in
Africa; he isn't very pretty, is hcr"
"Wrll. no, not very; but do you know
ho reminds me of YOU sometimes, Au-
Hus'"s, dcar?" "iIow, dear'c? when
he shuts his eyes and dr;ftS into those
delicious pl"ses of rcvlew?" mo,
yon old blessing. it's when he yawns.'
y MAN Jumped intu Il well at Carroll
ton. H., for the purpose Of suicide.
Finding himself alive on reaching the
bottom, nc hanged himself with the
wcll.rope. Owners OF wells should al
ways prepare for emergencies OF this
kind. For fear the rope might be rot
ten. 1t would be as vel to have
shelf erected in the we'll, and place
thereon Il paper Of aracnic, II razor, and
grace TO be hauled out of Il we'll alive
nftcrn man has jumped In with suici-
dul intent.
AN unIucky Irishman was once i'm
prisoncu for an imlractiou the law,
Ills faithful wife visited him and found
him greatly cast down. With the in
tention Of cheering him up, she said
"Arrah: be aisy, Paddy; slure ye'll
nave an upright Ledge to try ye, any
1.-The divil an upright jedge want
tits wan that'll lane llLtle."
a GENTLEMAN met. Il stranger on the
street, gruspel his hand cordial
" and exclaimed, In tones OF polite.
but uncertain recognition: MIR.
Brown, I bclivvc?' "lf you believe
that,' calmly replied the stranger,
whose name was Hamilton. "yos viii
believe auythinS."
"Ma," said IL llule boy, looking up
from an illustrated newspaper, ~ wlsi,
was Il little South Africa boy"
"Why, Gcoryiee" asked his ma.
"Why, 'rnuSe their mothers don't wear
slippcrs,' he ieoIingly replied.
"Poor man!' said tho old lady,
"and so hos really gone ut last. Min
~. eight, was he! Dear, dear! To
think how that if he'd lived two years
moro he'd have been ccnturian.
"Grcen street," called out the con-
ductor. Green's ,rcnt. eh?" cjacu.
lated an individual in the car. "All
righ: (hic), jnst's lieve drink OIL Green
(hic) $ amy other man."
WHEN boy scrapes little skin of
his knncklrs while saving wood
for his mother, he mades more ado
about 1t than when lie knocks his big
toe-nail OF in running to Il fire.
If death loves Il shining mark, why
Isn't tho mortality greater amoug the
boot-blacks?
WHY don't somebody namo play
POROUS Plaster?" It'd DO sure to
draw.
IT'S own par nowadays.
.-anuur..<1.-..-..n
HE'S q tool. we mean tho man. who
let's his baby cry hll night in tile arms
of it's mother, and does not sleep a wink.
when Dr.. Bulbs Baby Syrup will quiet
the baby by relieving its pain; bottl c
costing onl 25 cents.
THOUSANDS upon thousands OF bot
Ties OF Ctrb0Iinc, u HeOnOriZet extract
of petroleum, have been sold, anil from
all over the land comes ono universal
cry, "Carboinc, as now Improved and
perfected, is tho best hair restorer
nvcr used. Soil by all druggists,
IlCMDUGGED AOAIN II saw so much
about The merits OF Hop Bittcrs. and
my wife who was always uoctorine,
and never well, tcaseh me SO urgently
t" got her some. ] concluded to be hum
D"Eged ngaln; aud [ am glad l did,
Ia tiI,tt In, sl,x,