Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-06-09
Marriage is an even game-It is tie

Marriage is an even game-lt is tie.
Truth is stranger than fiction, for there
is less of it.
A Western editor alluded to his rival
as "a fellow who represents seventeen
distinct kinds of born fool y
A Wyoming girl thrashed young man
for flirting. The trouble was that the
flirting was done with another girl.
There is an unusual activity in the
red flannel market Organ grinders are
ordering spring suits for their monkeys.
The Cincinnati Saturday Night calls
out in an agitated tone to a sewing girl
who recently eloped, whoa, hemmer y
A malicious story is afoat to the ef-
feet that an Ell Dorado girl went back
on her lover because he was so bow leg
ged she couldn't sit on his lap.
An attorney, on being called to ac-
count for having acted unprofessionally
in taking less than the usual fees from
his client. pleaded that he had taken all
the man had he was therefore honora-
bly, acquitted.
81 wish l were you about two hours,
she said, with great tenderness. "And
why, my dear?" he asked, with consid-
erable interest. Because" she said,
toying affectionately with his watch
chain-"becaus then l would buy my
wife a new bonnet"
81 will and bequeath," said Pat, "to
my beloved wife, Bridget, all my prop
erty, without reserve; to my eldest son,
Patrick. one-half the remainder and to
Dennis, my youngest son. all the rest.
If anything is left, it may 60 to Terrence
OCarty, In sweet ould Ireland"
A man went through the bankruptcy
court. He owned fine horse and gig,
and they both disappeared for a time
but by-and by the horse and gig were
doing service for the same owner again
On being asked what this meant, the
mans reply was 81 went through the
bankruptcy court. but the horse and gig
went round"
A farmer killed neighbor's vicious
dog by impaling him on the tines of q
pitchfork. The owner of the dead ami
NAL was very wroth, and demanded tt
know why the farmer did not drive th'
dog off with the tail end of the fork in
stead of killing him. "And why didn'
the dog come at me with the tail en'
6rst?" was the response.
A military man who boasts that h,
can't be caught, no matter what you asl
him, but who is really stupid, is asked
"How many miles from Paris to Berlin 2
"Three hundred" "And how man,
; from Berlin to Paris p 1.-The same o
course" That's where you're wrong.
"WrongY' exclaims the military man
astonished and troubled. "Yes, wrong
You know how long it is between Christ
may and New Years 2" "Yes." "Well
is it the same between New Years ant
Christmas ?" by Jove you're right
l never thought of that before"
The Michigan tramp does not sit still
and let moss accumulate on his back
while all the rest of the world goe
ahead. Recently genuine specimen c
the iron plated traveller of high way
called at house on Second street an
asked for dinner. mo food to spare,
was the reply. Cant you give me a
old coat 2" mo" ''Or pair of ol
boots ?" mo" Cant you spare m
even pair of socks? ?" "No." "Nor
piece of bread ?" mo" The fellow
= chin fell as he fumbled in his poke
and his voice had lonesome sound 6
W he pulled out small autograph albu1
u and said: "Well. if you can't do an
=. better, I'll have to be satisfied with yor
ottergraff Please use blue ink !"