Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-10-31
F. u n ::

s.MURDER''-AND OTHER THINGS
.sWILL OUT."-The other evening q
gentleman boarder in one Of our genteol
boarding houses was comfortably sitting
reading in his room, the door open, when.
from the foot of the stairs, he heard q
yeung lady boarder, with whom he was on
terms of free and playful intimacy call:
''Mr.-, throw me your night gown,
please2'
Sure that he must have misunderstood
her, he called:
''ThroW you what?"
''Your night-gown, please"
He was startled. There was no mis-
taking her meaning, and believing that
some new joke was on foot among tho
second-aoor occupants which would seem
to justify such strange request on the
part of the lady, he took fresh night
shirt from his bureau and tossed it over
the bannister. It was received with an
ejaculation that sounded little like thanks,
and all was silent.
Next morning, on descending he dis
covered his property at the foot of tho
stairs, where it seemed to bedoing duty as
an imprOmptu door mat. For moment
he inwardly pronounced it very shabby
treatment of such an Immaculate article by
the fair borrower, and returned to his
room with it; but took his place at the
table in his usual good humor.
"Well, how did it work." he inquired
looking over expectantly at the lady. She
had omitted to give her usual cordial salu-
tions, and now her eyes were fixed upon
her plate. and her expression of the face
but shade lighter than thunder cloud.
sDid the joke pan out a successp" he
pleasantly persisted.
The lady bit her lips with suppressed
anger, and his fellow-boarders looked at
him in sober inquiry. Seeing there was a
mistake somewhere, he wisely concluded
to keep quiet and make the mystery ex-
plain itself. And it did. That noon he
found upon his dressing table the follow
ing note.
sMr. -. when next I ask you to
throw me your knife down or make any
request whatever, you will know it. did
not expect such insult from you, sir.
believed you to be gentleman. -"
Calmly and in silence the gentleman ate
his dinner, and on his return to his bust
ness dropped a note in the post-ofice of
which the following is copy
''Miss -, when you ask me to throw
my knife down. or honor me by any re-
quest whatever, trust I shall be SO fortu-
nate as to understand you correctly. You
believed me to be gentleman, and /
know you to be lady. -
On his return that evening she went to
him in the hall with cordially outstretch-
ed hand and frank words of apology. A
hearty laugh followed. and each promised
to keep ''the joke" secret, and up to this
writing each has faithfully kept the prom.
ise.-Bridge Farmer.
How He WAS CURED OF SWEARING
John came in and inquired whether dinner
was ready, and was told il was not.
well, why in the devil isn't it?" said
he.
Because" she coolly replied, '.the wood
was so - wet that the fire wouldn't
burn"
''Why. Mary, what is the matter with
you? Are you crazy or have you been drink
ing?"
"Neither." she said, and quietly pro.
ceeded to put on the dinner.
The beef didn't melt like butter between
the teeth it rather resisted all attempts
at mastication, like so much india-rubber;
and finally John blurted out:
ssWhat makes this - beef so internal
tough2'
Mary looked up archly and replied:
''Well, John. I suppose you went down
to the butchers and without knowing the
difference, picked out piece of some -
old stag that hadn't been fed for month";"
John jumped up, looked at his wife in
language from her lips meant.
ut means just this, John; you are the
head Of a family, and just as long as you
think it manly to swear in my presence I
intend to do the same! If you don't like
to hear it you know how to prevent it.
The cure was radical, and to this date
Mary has never been compelled to admin
lister another dose Of DIR. Ms prescrip-
ton,
A certain young lady, who was little
behindhand with her autumn outfit sur
prised her parents the other day by asking
why she was unlike George Washington.
When they gave it up, she told them be-
cause she had no little hat-yet.
whats the difference" asked teach
or in arithmetic, 'sbetween one yard and
two yards?"
"a FENCE" was the reply of member
of the class.
The teacher was silent.
Why is a corner peanut-seller like an
Apothecary? Because he does business on
. small scale.
It doesn't take schoolboy long Co
eyince a love for division. provided another
boy owns the apple.
1t is strangely singular how much the
boy with a pair of new suspenders hates to
wear his coat.