Daily Republican., 1879-06-26
MOROUS.
A SPEECH BY EACH CHANDLER.

choked off, however, and went right
ahead.
"The scene is laid at the residence Of
Zachariah Chandler time, when Eu-
gene Hale was courting his daughter,
the girl whom he afterward made his
wife. Hale was pretty far gone on Miss
Chandler, and one evening induce d
three or four amateur musicians, friends
of his'n, to 60 around with him to
Chandler's house and serenade the
lgirl.
The love lorn Hale had guitar that
he could pick in dolelul manner, one
of the other boys had fiddle, another
had an accordeon, and so on. 1t was
about midnight when the serenadin'
partp arrived, and, ,sneakin' up in front
of the house, they stood behind the
lilacs and struck up some soulful sera-
made or other. They played along soft
and easy like for about five minutes,
when an upstairs window was raised,
and who should step gayly forth upon
the piazza but old Zach himself. Hale
told me afterward that he fully expect
ed the old man to blaze away at them
with shotgun, or at least fire buck
ct Of sloLs on their heads, but he didn't
do nothin' of the kind. He hemmed
and hawed awhile, an then, much to
the astonishment Of the boys, sailed in:
Fellow citizens: Of course you
do not desire a speech from me at this
la.e hour, but l wish to thank you
from my heart for this testimonial Of
your kind appreciation of my poor SER
vices
Here he paused for cheers" said
grandfather '"but there wasn't any,
and he went on:
81 have been laborin', not for my
self, but for my beloved constituents,
and it affords me unbounded pleasure
to know that
"'Well, III be cussed! = exclaimed
Hale to his companions, after he had
recovered from the shock. 'How the
thunder and Mars could the old man
have made this mistake! We amt no
brass band, are we We hain't been
playin' Hail Columbia or cheerin' for
anybody, hive we''
"'We've been playing "The Vene-
tian Lovers Serenade,' said the man
with the fiddle.
"Well, that's what l thought" said
Hale, mad as wet hen.
GAIL this time," continued Mr.. Lick
shingle, "the old man was up there in
the moonlight, talkin about the sheep
law, the dog law, the duty of the Su-
pervisor, and that sort of thing"
''Let us open his rheumy eyes to the
real situation" said Hale, and with
that he began to pick "Come where my
love lies dreaming" The other boys
joined in, but every note they struck
only seemed to enthuse the old man
more. After breakin in on him fifty or
sixty times with snatches of love songs
and serenades, and all to no purpose,
Eugene shouldered his guitar, sneaked
down through the rose bushes, followed
by his party, crawled over the fence,
and left Mr.. Chandler standing talking
about "The Star Spangled Banner"
and picturin' the utter ruin an desc
lation that would follow the election of
the opposition ticket in October.
ADVICE TO NEW CHOIR sIGGEB.
DEAR MIss-This is an important
epoch into your life. The 1st thing to
make good quire singer is to giggle
little.
Put up your hair in Girl papers every
Friday mite soze to have it in good
shape Sunday morning. If your daddy
is rich you can buy soue stole hair. If he
is very rich buy some more and build
it up high into your head; then git
high-priced bunnet that runs up very
high, at the high part of it, and git
the millioner to plant some high grown
artatishels into the highest part of it.
This will help you sing high, as So
prahno is the highest par.
When the tune is Civ out don't pay
attention to it, and then giggle. Gig
gle good eel.
Whisper to the girl next you that
En- Jones, which sets on the I'd sect
from the front on the left-hand side,
has her bunnet with the same color
exact she had last year, and then put
up your book to your face and giggle.
Object to every tune unless there is
a solow into it for the soprahno. Golf
and ham good eel before you begin to
sing.
When you sing " solow shake the
artafshels off your bunnit, and when
you come to high tone brace yourself
back little, twist your head to one
side and open your mouth the widest
on that side, shet the eye on the same
side, jest triple, and then put in for
dear life.
When the preacher gifts under he'd
way with his preachin, write a note
unto the blank leaf into the fourth part
of your notebook. That's what the
blank leaf was made for. Git sum-
body to pass the note to sumbody else,
and you watch them while they read it,
and tLen gigge.
If anybody talks or laffs in the con-
and the preacher takes no.
tis of it, that's a good chants for you to
giggle, and you ought to giggle a great
eel. The preacher darsent saw any.
thing to you bekaus you are in the quire
and he can't run the meetin' house
at both ends without the quire. If you
had bow before you went into the
quire-you ought to have sumbody
better now.