The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-04-05
THIS AND THAT,

--Miled insanity: Trying to walk ccr.
tain number of miles in q given timc on q
wager.
Puck asked what sort Of pain proceeds
from hat-rack, and AZ paragraphers sim.
ultaneously answered, "sham pain"
When Grant got to Bombay he was sur
prised to find that the natives were not all
dressed in Bombaysene.
Capt. Boyton, the champion of the wave,
says that his principal dangers are frum
steamers at night and tho untamed natives
along the shore by day.
The pensive goat as he digs up from
under the snow his first old stocking lunch
of the Spring, wonders who knit his browse
for him.
-" What constitutes the chief happiness
of your life ?" asked q curious Sunday school
teacher. She blushed, and then replied:
at is that John has at last fixed the day."
"A Canada paper announces the defeat
| Of "the Orange bill" The dealer we pre-
sumo, charged for more oranges in the bill
than the purchaser received.
"A sharp, thirsty man now walks into
bar-room and asks il he can "put up his
silk umbrella for drink. The bartender
acquesces, the chap gets drink, raises his
umbrella and walks out.
"A Virginia paper gives the following
advice to the bumptious Californans who
want to secede: "Don't go. Be warned by
several who have been there, and don't, for
there's nothing secedes like secession"
"A three year old baby ofThomas Nc.
Guin, of Youngstown, Ohio, is the latest case.
Shot itself in the head with revolver it was
playing with. 1t is probable the parents
were too poor to keep mad dog.
One halfthe United States army,fell offA
barrack roof and broke his leg one day last
week. And the first thing Congress will do,
in the extra session will be to stop his pay
until he is able for duty again.
Florence, the actor, recently remarked
to a restaurant owner in San Francisco, as
they were looking at big, old-fashoned
pie: "My friend, the works look very nice,
but don't like the heavy double cases."
Twas midnight the doorstep--on--
street-says he to her says he:
"Ere this, beloved, didst ever
"Give a sweet kiss to any feller7"
"NeverV
"NevorY'
Hardly ever?"
Michael Vincent, formerly famous IN
France and this country as the Iron Man,
died lately in San Francisco. His strength
was enormous, one Of his fepts being 10 lift
500 pounds from the floor to his shoulder I;
but he too often raised glass ofliquor from
a bar to his mouth, and finally died of in
temperance.
The ottumwa Courier says n Yankton,
Dakota, man has written to the Postmaster
there to ascertain whether he knows any
thing about a girl who claims TO have form
erly lived there, who has "bew eyes, brown
hare and is of medium size" Anybody
having been acquainted with such q girl 10
requested to report to the Postmaster at once.
-" Amanda, wish you to put the large
Bible in a prominent place on the centre
table, and place three or four hymn books
carelessy round on the sofas. have ad-
vertised for young man to board in a cheer
ful Christian family, and tell you what, if
you girls don't manage, either one Of You, 10
rake him in, why, I'll never try anything
again, for I'm tired out"
-Mamma-"Papa dear, the children have
been asked 10 the Willoughby Robinson's
on the llth.lhe Howard Joneses' on the 18th
and the Talbot Brownies ON the 2lst. They
will be dreadfully disappointed it. you don't
let them go! May write and accept ?"
Dear Papa (savagely)-"oh, just as you
please But as juvenile parties should al
ways taken in time, you had better write To-
DR.. squlls, too. and tell him to call on the
18th, 10th and 22d."
Worst has come 10 worst and also to-
Brooklyn. A woman Of that city measured
of quarter of a mile in her sitting and
dining rooms, and then proceeded to walk
for seven days and eight nights, while her.
husband slept not. She found time to pre-
pare his meals though how successfully re-
port says not. She is now a professional,
aud is walking in public hall, her husband
in the meantime making up for lost sleep.
They were discussing the venerable
theme of money and happiness. "Money
does everything for a man." said one old
gentleman, pomPously. yes" replied an
other one, "but money wont DE- as much
fora man as sons men Will d. inr money.
-pirtr~. r..p - ,~. ..r t'v fun- on
aes4a. .. t.s.. .....sa asa l.-a.