davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
L ickShingle's 'sHamlet."
Cincinnati Eng uirer.

"'Hamkt, the melancholy Dane,'" re-
marked Grandfather Lickshingle, when
the chairs in the family circle were all
filled last night, "could take bigger
drink of whisky than any other young
man IN Herkimer county, an was no
good under the sun. To give YOU bet
ter idea of the sort of snoozer he was,
I'll kindly relate couple of incidents
in his career: One day his father gave
him 500 to go out aud buy per cent.
refundin' certificates, an instead of buy
in them he bought dog-the yallerest,
orneriest, low-fung lookin' brute you
ever laid your eyes on. When he came
home in the evenin', draggin' his mis-
cradle purchase after him by piece Of
bed cord, the old gentleman said to
him:
"'Sweet Prince, who in thunder
gavest thou this sheep-killin'. mongrel
cur?
'Hamlet tried to lie out of it. an, told
q dozen stories before he admitted that
he bought the dog with the 500 his
father had given him to buy 4-per-cents
with.
eff you are fond of excitement, you
ought TO have been present an seen the
old man r'ar an charge. The boy said
the dog was great bargain at hun
dred dollars, as he was retriever, an
consequently would fetch anything if
they ever wanted to sell him.
"a hundred dollars for lop-eared son of gun;
Whose eyes doth purge thick amber and plum
tree gum!'
yelled the old man, an then he ever
Iastingly reached for the young Prince,
an started d tannery under his coat
tails. 1t was then the melancholy
Dane pronounced the oft-quoted line:
Bloody murder most foulP
The prince went On from bad to
worse, drlnkin' an carousin' around,
and finally got the iim-jams. He i'm
hobgoblins, including his first fathers
ghost. -Hanalet was step-son, you
know. 1t was a painful sight to see
him when the fit was comm on.
His hair would stand on end like quilts
upon the fretful porcupine, as he has
graphically described it himself, and he
would exclaim:
"Angels an ministers of disgrace, de-
fend us!"
Sometimes he would see rats; and
let your grandfather tell you that when
man gets to seem rats he's tolerably
we'll advanced. One dag he was sittin'
in the dinin' room, jawin' his mother
about the way she had patched his
pants. when all Of a sudden he whipped
out his sword an went a stabbin' an a
proddin' through the room, and yeilin',
"A rat! ratp After knocking over the
table and dozen chairs, he thrust his
sword through the arras, an exclaimed
"'Bet you two dollars an half he's
dead for ducat-dead'
"When The Queen saw that her son
had stabbed POtOnius, who was On the
other side of the arras blackin' his
boots, she wrung her hands an cried:
"tWhat bloody deed is this?''
'Hanaet wiped his bloody sword on
his hair, an remarked:
40 mother, I'm old pizen, sure
shot-worse nor steel-trapv'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
The MeaneSt Man i'm the World.

or al the mean characters that have come I'M
der our observation, the mesneSt of all is the dys-
peptic ,cynic, to whom grumbling has become
second nature. The weather is always too hot or
too dry; the meat is too rare or too thoroughly
cooked. too fat or too lean-in short, he grumbles
about every thing from his coffee to Congress
He is always in want of something be has not
and forever discontinued with whatever he has.
Contrariness is his distinguishing trait II his
wife desires TO spend the evening with friend
he insists upon staying at home. He warns all
his bachelor friends to beware of matrimony. his
brain is so full of whims and crotchets, there is
little room for reason OF sense But the dyspeptic
cynic reaches the acme of diSa greeableneSs when
diseased liver has supplemented the grumbling
by hypochondria. Then the slightest unpleasant
circumstance is magnifed into something momeu-
tous and terrible. The victim becomes distrust-
full OF his best friends, and al sorts OF imaginary
evils haunt the weakened brain. This picture is
not overdrawn, as thousands of homes can attest
bones in which domestic happiness and har-
mony have been wreck ed by-nothing more than
a dyspepttc and chronic disease of the liver.
Given sound stomach and a healtaful liver and
the results will almost invariably be health and a
cheerful temper. DR.. PierceS Golden Medical
Discovery and Pleasant PQrgative Pellets are Uu-
failing remedies for all chronic diseases of the
stomach and liver. Druggists mark them as the
most popu ar domestic remedies on tier list.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
Want Bigger GLASSES.

The lager beer drinkers of New Or
leans do not ask for lower prices, but
they want more beer for their money.
They lately held a public meeting, and
the demand for enlarged beer glasses
was made by many of the speakers.
Mr.. Einbercher said that the cost of all
the components of lager beer had been
brought down to such low figure that
drinkers as American freemen, we're
determined to have the size of the
glasses increased proportionately. Mr..
Rosenberg argued that, at time when
rich and poor felt the business depres-
sion, 100 per cent. profit on beer was
too much. Mr.. Bach said: "Shentle-
mens-I don't shpeak if yon don't call
upon me, but dere ought to be as much
bulge in de glass ash dere ish in the
barrel" Mr.. Shonberg advocated a
size of glass that would bring the profit
down to one cent on each filling. The
following resolution was passed unani-
mously by the 800 voters: "That
those present at this meeting organize
themselves into a society to advocate
an increase in the size of beer glasses In
New Orleans. That We make this our
earnest appeal to the saloon-keepers to
increase the size of glasses to such an
extent as to make it obtainable by all
at fair price for fair measure" A
pledge to drink no more beer out of
small glasses was signed by 246 men.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
AiserableneSs.

The most wonderful and marvellous
success, in cases where persons are sick
or pining away from condition of mis-
erableness, that no one knows what ais
them, profitable patients for doctors,
is obtained by the use of Hop Bitters.
They begin to cure from the first dose
and keep it up until perfect health and
strength is restored. Whoever Is affiict-
ed in this way need not suffer, when the y
can get Hop Bitters. See Truths" and
Proverbs" in another column.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
The SuItan's Gift TO General Grant.
Coustantinople Correspondence of Phnadelphis
Telegraph.

Constantlnople Correspondence OF Philadelphia
Telegraph.
In March last pghen General ffra n
in the course of his cruise IN the Van
della, came to Constantinople, his first
visit was paid to the Sultan. Immedi-
ately after this interview his Majesty
charged Munir Bey, the master Of cere-
monies, to present the general with all
Arab horse from the imperial stables.
Accordingly, a number were led out
and one chosen and set aside for I'm;
but, owing to some misunderstanding,
the gift horse was not sent, and the
Vandalia sailed without him. Recent
ly, the question having been revived,
the steed in question was hunted up
among $40 horses which compose the
imperial stud. He was found, and ac-
companied by a second horse also for
General Grant, transferred to the care
Of the American legation. Arrange
ments have been made to send them in
= feT days on TIE Norman Monarch, q
e-Sefa~- - Z. Ga tc-s ,sc1ciEv, .,aioi'
VIII pfooAciy s4ii ,.ltsci 81 EeE a1ts,.-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
JOHN AND THE SQUIRE.
I'm only q farmers girl,

I'm only farmers girl,
John Is only farmers lad,
Bu;somehow. when we chance to meet,
the very sound of his coming feet,
Can make my heart so glad
That up 10 my cheeks the warm blush lies,
And he reads the welcome in my eyes.
lam only farmers girl,
Master Tom is the SQuire's son.
But, strange to tell, his feet this way
Turn often toward the clio of day,
And the chores are done,
When John Che passes the meadow gate)
Gives me a scowl and-wIll not wait.
| am only farmers girl,
So what can the Squir9 want OF meE
NV heart is Johns; Ohm knows 1t Well;
But IT isn't for me the truth TO tell
SO bashful lad ls hel
So the Squire may come and the Squire may g
But all the answer he'll get is mol"
The Squire praises my hair and eyes;
The Squire says I'm lady born.
What care | for his foolish sDeechE3
IT'S Johns voice only my heart can teach
To sing ike birds OF morn,
But John is jealous, the foolish boy,
And my days are shOrn OF half their Joy.
oh, | am only a farmers girl,
And John is only farmers lad,
Bur I'd rather be his in his humble life
Than be a lady as Squire's wife,
With restless heart and sad!
But John-so bashful boy is he
Is a long while asking my heart of me.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
Archaeological Measurements.
New York Times.

DR.. A. Weisbach, chief of the Austro-
Hungarian hospital in Constantinople,
and who is spoken of as having "taken
more measurements of living men than
any other anthropologist," has publish
ed results relating to many individuals
from nineteen different peoples, inhab-
iting the most various parts of the
earth. One of his conclusions, which
may almost be called a discovery, is
that the rapidity of the pulse-beat va
ries in different nations within very
wide limits. Thus, the pulse of the
Congo negro beats but 62 times in a
minute, while the quickest pulses are
found among the Tagals 1907. and the
Madurese and the Nikobars (84). The
Japanese pulse belts rs times per min
ute, and the Chinese 70. The shortest
people measured, that is probably the
shortest in the world, are the Hotten-
tots 4 1856 millimeters); next to whom
come the Japanese. The other extreme
is represented by the Maeris of New
Zealand (2757 millimeters), and the
Sandwich Islanders, Kanakas, and
kafirs are but little less tall. The cir
cumterence of the Patagonian head is
the largest, and the Siamese the small
est, and the curious statement is made
that tall peoples usually have small
heads and short peoples large ones. the
most noticeable exceptions being the
Siamcs), who have small heads although
their stature IS short, and the Patago-
mans, who have large heads although
they are very tall. Patagonians are
said to have noses much broader at the
root than Congo negroes, and at the
nostrils the negroes noses are also much
narrower than are the Australians.
North American Indians and Polyne-
slams have the largest busts, or chests,
and the Malays the smallest. The
East Europeans generelly, and tina Con-
60 negroes alone among Africans. nave
all the leg-bones longer than the arm
bones, while among Australians. Poly
nesians, and especially East Asiatics
and Patdgonians, the leg-bones are
shorter than the arm-honPs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22

OCCASIONALLY an event occurs which
shows the need Of peculiar care before
the burial of those who are supposed
to be dead. The following case is men
toned in the Portland OreG0nian: A
lady living near Portland was taken
violently i'll, and to all appearances
died. Preparations were made for the
interment, and after the usual interval
friends met for funeral services at the
residence of the bereaved family. Sud
denly a slight moan was heard to issue
from the coffin. This greatly startled
the assembled neighbors, and the peo-
pie were about to rush from the room,
when the husband of the lady approach
ed the coffin, and was astouished to find
the body moist and warm. A closer
examination disclosed the fact that the
woman was breathing Restoratives
were applied, ard the supposed dead
came back &c Hce, sDd soon sas airie 10
- - &1t. r'j7vrsrS,s.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22

The land sales of the Atchison, Tope-
ks. and Santa Fe Railroad company for
the fourth week in April. 1879. amount
ed to $4,000, against s70,193 for the
same period last year-a decrease of
SO, 1913. For the month of April, 1879,
they a.aaanteS - Sd3, les, aga nst q 81
.3it 81. &c -cr' assG.'li'Ua u....l,t - 1efi
= .ie5cfasz9 IT 3, az 80
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22

MASON q HAMLIN Cabinet Organs are
certainly the best of this class of instru-
ments in the world, and at the prices at
which they are sold, which are only a
little higher than those of very poor
irgans, they are also chez pest.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22

The tone of the Mendelssohn Upright
Piano Is of great depth and power, re-
sembling that of a grand piano, while
the touch is perfection itseIf.-Buhng-
ton w. Clipper, Feb. IL, 1876.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
ELH3NTIE SIEyII

We will pay Agents Salary OF SlU0 per month
and expenses allow large commission, to sell our
new and wonderful inyentions We mean tchat gag.
Sample free Address SIBERIAN & Co., .MaTshali Mich.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22
T RUFUS.
Hop Bittcrs are the Pu-est and Best
Bitters ever made.

They are compounded from Hops, Buchu,
Mandrake and Dandelion.-the oldest best
and most valuable medicines in the world and
contain all the bett and most curative prop
S.,:cs .: 81: o.aS- .l.i.gEs heinz the grssiesi
ijsG0:= "a 3j:see-- -1Sg IA. s.stasv, sset u.s.
and Health Restoring Agent on earth. No
disease or i'll health eau possibly leng exist
where these Bitters are used, go varied and
perfect are their o0erat ons.
They give new II e aod vigor 10 the aged
and iDirn. To all whose empioyments cause
irregulGrity of the bowels or urinary organs,
or who require an Appetizer. Tonic and mild
Stimulant these Bitters are invaluable, be-
Ing highly curative. tonic and stimulating.
without intoxicating.
No matter what your feelings or symptoms
are, what the disease OF ailment ls. use Hop
Bitters Don't wait until you are SICK, but If
you only feel bad or miserable, use the Bitters
al once. Il may save ycIr life. h,ndreds have
been saved by so doing. sD- $500 VIII
be paid for q case they cannot cure or help.
Donoi suffer yourself CT let your friends sur
fer, but use and urge them TO use Hop bitters.
Remember, Hop Btters IS no vile, drugged.
drunken nostrum, but the purest and Best
Medicine ever NJ sde; the "I1CGttdS FRIEND
and Hone" and DO person o. family should
be without them. Try The BAters today.
Try Hop Cough Cure and Pain Relief.
For sale BY all druggists.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-05-22

A VEIN of pure stone coal has been
in Conecuh county, Ala.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31
HOTEL ARRIVALS.
NEW ENGLAND HOTEL.
Ask Yourself these Questions,

Are you u respondent sufferer from
Sick Headache. Habitual Costiyeness.
Palpitstion of the HeartY Have you
Dizziness Of the Head? Is your ner-
vous system depressed Does your
blood circulate badly? Have you q
coughy Low spiritss Coming up Of
the food after eating? &c. &c All Of
these and much more are direct results
of Dyspepsi.. Liver Complaint and In
digestion. GREENS AUGUST FLOWER
is now acknowledged by all Druggists
to be positive cure. 2,4O0.C0O bottles
we're given away in the U. s. through
Druggists to the people as . trial.
Two doses will satisfy any person Of
its wonderful quality in curing all
forms of Indigestion. Sample bottles
10 cents. Regular size IS cents, Sold
positively by all first-class Drugs lists
in the United States.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31

THIEF ARREsTED.-James Sheridan.
alias James Cumberlin. who few
weeks ago borrowed gun from W. VI.
White. Jr.. of this city, and afterwards
sold it to Abrahams the pawnbroker.
was seen in Port Gamble few days ago
by young man from Seattle, who in
formed the officers of the fact, On
Wednesday morning Constable Thorn
ton concluded that he won'd so down
and captare the thief, and accordingly
chartered the steamer Phantom. White
and Abrahams went along to identify
the man, in case he should be found.
The steamer left nj o'clock in the
evening and arrived at Gamble at o.,
After making some inquiries, Mr..
Thornton learned that a fellow bearing
the description given had been around
the town several days. and it was
thought he slept in certain woodshed
some distance from the mill. On try
ing the door of tho woodshed it was
found to DO locked. but = voice from
the inside sung out. Who's there |!
aud what do you wantr" The officer
answered. II want man to work on
u steamer" The door was quickly
opened by an old fellow, who looked as
if he had about come to tho end Of his
row. On striking q light, the gay and
festive James WAS discovered in one
corner OF the shed sound asleep. with
the soft side Of . plank under him for
bod. and snoring in . manner that
reminded one of the putting Of high
pressure steamboat. He was aroused
and informed that his presence was de-
sired in Seattle. He made no resist
ance, but objected 10 having the irons
put on hims saying he would prefer to
travel like q gentleman. On arriving
here he was locked up till morning,
When he had o hearing before Justice
Coomss, who held him In the sum OF
$500 to appear at the next term Of the
District Court, on . charge of grand
larceny. He now languishes in Jail.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31
LOCAL PARAGRAPHS.

There will be q social hop q: the Cal.
houn warehouse this evening.
Copperiug was commenced IN the
new steamer yesterday.
The fre.box and boiler for Capt.
Starts new steamer. alone, weigh 49,
600 pounds.
Captain II. X. W. Ayres. formerly Of
Seattle, is now foreman in the Office Of
the Walla Walla Wdtchman
II. W. Fairweather has chartered the
barks Stonewall jackson and Colima
for the purpose Of sending TO China
from Portland, 500 Celesti4ls and t.o
cargoes Of lumber.
On the incoming Alaska Mr.. c. F.
Dodge has large and choice consign-
ment of California fruits and vegeta-
bles. Our merchants. fruit dealers.
and the people in general will bear
this liz mind.
Mr. Crockett, accompanied by . num-
Der Of Indians, arrived from across the
mountains yesterday with 40 head OF
beef cattle belonging TO Messrs. Phelps
81 Wadleigb.
Tee Harrison street school>house, in
Portland, will be rebuilt at an expense
to the city Of $4,000. Eleven other
bids were received. their amounts rang.
ing up to Sl7.250. X. Porter is the
successful bidder.
II is now announced, on the authority
of an eminent physician. that 1t is not
healthy to arise before o'clock in the
morning. This applies only to men.
Wives, it is said. can rise at Z ard start
the fire as heretofore.
The Ruby brought over . scow load
Of lumber yesterday from Madison. to
be put into building on the ground
vacated BY the fire. The steamer
Blskoly also brought over from Port
Blakely a quantity Of lumber for the
proposed wharf at the barrel factory.
Considerable work is now going on
at the N. =. Iron Works. The new
foundry and machine shop are both oc-
cupjed, and a temporary boiler shop
has been put up. in which the boiler
for the new propeller is being made.
A new engine will soon he built by the
Company for their machine shop. Yes
terday some brass castings were being
made in the foundry for Capt. Stars
new steamer, and the men in the ma
chine shop were engaged on the engines
for Capt. Olney's little propeller. which
is being built near the iron works. The
boiler and engines will DO put into the
new boat in about two weeks, after
which shc will he launched. She ia
intended for the Swinomish trade. and
will prove great convenience to the
farmers in that section.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31
Another ApJusTER-Mr. George

ANOTHER ApJusTER-Mr. George
Woodward, of Portland. i, st r.c,cut
in this city. for the purpose Of afjn.,.
ing the losses OF the Companies repre-.
sented here by Mr. JOIN VI. BLANCHARD.
namely: The North British and Mer-
camille, the German American. the
Phoenix and the Home, ell Of London.
New York and Hartford. The heav-
lest of these losses is tbs. oocasio,ei
by the burning Of the Crawford &
Harrington warehouse. The Others are
the losses Of Messrs. Young & Kelly.
McAleer. Sullivan and others, occ.-
stoned by breakage during removal.
Mr.. Woodward has been a great many
years IN the insurance business. and i.
well qualified 70 perform task of
this kind q, any one else. The prompt
ness OF the insurance companie, in al :
jus'ing and liquidating i, gratifying 10
record.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31

COOP SALE.-Mr. F. Meekcr has
sold his entire hop crop. Of near q
hundred thousand pounds. to San
Francisco men, ut 90 cents u pound,
in advance of ITS gathering and prepa-
ton for market. Considering eight or
nine cents to DO equivalent to their
cost. his seasons profit will be found u
very comfortable sum to have in
pocket. Meeker is man of tremen-
dous energy and enterprise. aud make,
aud loses fortunes every year or two.
Those hop growers who rooted up their
fields will now feel sorry for the haste
they exercised in 90 doing. The prices
they would probably have obtained
this year would go long way toward
making good their losses Of past years.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1879-07-31

Cure all cases of Seminal Weakness.
Loss Of Vigor, Nocturnal Emissions.
Impotency, Nervous and Physical De.
bility. and oil that class Of complaints
arising from excess. indiscretion or
abuse. The old fluid in this remedy A
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH. and the
young a safeguard and protection. DR..
La MARS SEMINAL PILLS restore the
Sexual Organs. debilitsted from what.
ever cause. to their pristine vigor.
Price. - so per bottle. Sent C. 0. D.
by express to any address, secure from
observation. Address all orders to A.
MCBOYLE & CO, Druggists. P. o.
Box 1859. San Francisco.
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