The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1879-04-02
A LECTURE ON TEMPERANCE.
LOOK NOT UPON THE MINCE-PIE WHEN
IT IS RED.

| My friends, there is another rock
wish all to guard against. 1t is
hidden by the still summer sea, but
upon it many a human bark has
split. Irefer to the mince pie. Yes
my hearers, the mince-pie is rock
that has brought thousands to watery
|graves--or, not to watery graves, ex
actly, but--you understand what
mean. The mince-pie is the curse
Of the land. 1t is alluring your
youth from the path Of virtue and
sobriety, and leading them down tc
ruin. 1t begets an appetite fol
strong drink that sweeps everything
before it. Look not upon the &C.
cursed thing: Shun it as you would
aviper. Sit on it; trample it under
your feet, as it were I once knew a
brilliant young man. loved and court.
ed by all who knew him. His is the
story Of thousands The young
man used to visit his aunt in The
fall, that fatal time Of the year when
the mince pie stalks up and down
through the earth, seeeing where ii
may devour somebody. This young
man s. aunt could make n,ince- pie
Itill' you. couldn't rest, and her art
Hurled him to destruction. That in
satiable monster! At first he ate
Lightly Of the damning food; then,
as his appetite grew BY what it fed
upon, he ate deeper and deeper, un-
it'll after every meal he would sink
into a heavy sleep, only to awake
with a head on him bigger than
Daniel Webster's. He would chew
cloves and cardamon seeds for hours,
and yet you could smell his breath
across the biggest county in the
State. He saw that he was becom
ing a slave to the ,accursed pie. His
aflianced bride, who to him was the
one fair woman beneath the sun,
said she would never marry man
that smelled like a distillery that
employed three bundled hands, and
was in full blast all the time, and
unless he reformed she would be
nothing to him but a sister. The
young man had all the sisters be
wanted, and, falling at her feet, he
registered a solemn oath, and had ii
copyrighted next day, that mince
pie should never pass his lips again
as long as he lived. But, alas, he
was already slave to strong pie,
and in less than twenty-four hours
he tore himself away from his sweet
heart, who made frantic grab at
his coat tails, and fed to his aunt's
in the city, and said he hoped she
would have some of her excellent
minneapolis for dinner. The good
aunt, ignorant of the fact that she
was putting an enemy in his mouth
TO steal away his brain, set 'em up,
so to speak, aIa in less than two
hours the young man was rip roar
ing, staving drunk, as usual. All,
my friends, the, story is CHASTITY
one, and needs no establishment. =
While in this condition the young
man, the pride Of his parents and
1.-THE Hope Of a woman's heart, was ar
rested for drunkenness and disorder
Fly conduct. oOn the way to the May.
or's office he Shot tlie officer dead in
Ellis tracks, blew out his own brains
with another barrel Of the pistol,
and then went back and killed his
aunt and a dog that lie had paid
f. No. s
three dollars for. My friends and
fellow sufferers, from The mince-pie
to the tomb is but step. If mince-
pies must be made, I demand il the
name of the youth Of our country,
that people who manufacture them
be compelled to take out license
If they must be eaten, I beg for
yonr, souls salvation, do not eat
them straight. A serpent, Turks in
every one Of them. Ten thousand
devils lie beneath every crust, be it
baked eyer 50 nicely. Every, cur
rent hides q demon with a forked
tongue Of fame and seyen-pronged
lpitch fork. The suet, the citron and
the chopped meat are the broth OF
hell, and the whole business from
stem to stern is a mockery, and
strong drink is raging. In conclu.
sion, my beloved hearers, touch not,
taste not, handle not-enter not into
temptation; or, in other words, look
not upon the mince pie wien it is
red, when it giyeth its color in the
cupboard [Oil City Derrick.
WIEN an. old backswoodman was
ahont IN faka hio fret ri4o m a Mic.