The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-07-17
RA.SSxNaSuzx.Es
D,.1s4sasuabEf Ibdsband be,sas tIo6n,I :. az

---iR.A&SzN1 SA1LLES.---------.-
| A1ssesE husband. !! !: Dear John, vs
have been married six Years, and you
have not yet told me how my looks
pleased yos1a 0ehn z-sE Well, Eliza, did
rot want to -hurt. your feelings, y
IT seems remarkable thata Q. nice easy
chair at home is SO much less comfort
able to man than the hard side of a.
dry goods boxaon &sstreet corner with a.
crowd of loafers asround.-- Dyeubcnville d
Herald.
IF we won't learn anything. only by !,
our ownexperiease, Gust about the time
we git taneducaship We ara faady toidie: !
but If we will profit bi the experience
ov others, we kan git our learning as we
60 along. Joshs3ttteteifayys ysse-s-ssss
Yog can't alwaysj judgega man. char
acter by looking at the. place where his q
breeehes wear out the Quickest. Many
man who is thought to have prayed d
big hole in the -knaes OF -his..paats, has
only been putting down carpets. .f',{st
This CAPS it. Says the New York.
Commercial Adyertsser ~ - Several paperrs q
have been, making fun of the Duke off,.
AfgyllS red hair, but he can't help, it, I
gentfemen; he was born So ~ Sort O. :
redheaditsEy, eeh9- Boston Transcript. s2n
adA YOUNG man; the, other day, got mar 4
ried against the wishes of his parents,
and. requestingsa friend to break it to
them,l said; Hell them, I,m dead, old
fellow, and gently work work them up to the
3ct ARE 5yoliI building air castles in
Spain, Mg, Jones y Csaid aIlandiady to = u
boarder, who was thoughtfnlly regard :,
ing hisI coffee cup. No, madame, only
looking ,over my grohnds in Java, re- u
piled Jones. .T7sStpringfeld RepMbiican. bo
The City Council of, Pueblo, Col,
passed an ordinance against the carry
ing of eenaesledoweapons, and on the
following day most Of The male residents O
appeared on the streets with reyolvers +
and daggersi stuck iii belts outside Of >
tEeir coats. -
SHE said %., love yoq dsafl business
He whispered I'm Clergyman" She screamed:
He eoudS s,sna hen her cold contempt, her bursts Of
So he Joined band Of minstrels, and they were =
married shortly afser. .t-tf 7sTa.o ni
A SOFT answer, etc, ,-Coster Ito
swell, who has accidentally knocked up
against him. Now ,sthen, dyer hear,
| who a. you a-shoyin', OF" Swell-"tMy g
! good man., what preposterous ques-
ton b. "A, A,w-=how the deuce do I know p
-FNni BAG Eiqe4 gui8ag q 9spAo a'i4"
l---4f Why did Ennis cross the Atlantic n !.
anxiously asks the Chicago Tribune. /,
I We haven't the honor of a personal ac-
lqaaintance with John, but we presume
fhe crossed tile, Atlantic simply because
he couldn't possibly 60 around it.-N
nstrn CARTE. Deg
K ENNHLissimply malignant type Of
4 Incidence, indigestion and bile, An eff, :
/ fort properly made win dive it away,
and We can thenIgos saahead with the >
business of life as ,cheerily as ever. = I'M
other wofds5 just exercise the foul fend
and ennui-go. -,
pace M4s tTapanthredisn't in5I see,' p said
AN old shopper,tos the. ,cleHk in attend !
ance. "' No, m, he's at home to-day"
81 suppose hhe'sl got nothing hewT'
Yes, m, he has; he's gotpnepmonia. 'ai
You don't say SO; what asge yon.s get7E
n SkNa mean thingiof 4 HAN In 4 news :
paper. and pretty soon eihe iwih hop
.around to the Office to serenade, the ,edi-
tor with horse-whip, but write good
thing of him and he will pass You 0h the
street n IYpnotieed. Such, is the sadslife I
'fofian sditor..e euincy Aodern A4rgo.r r,,sd J,
l asRA RALpH WALpo EMERsoH is sixty-six /
] years. ord. oOnee,3 when u student Of
Harvard College went to hin asking the
meaning of one of his sentences, the
4 sage OF Concord said g do not remem-
fbef what II meant q you should have
asked before the inkEwas dry. ."'syAw gd
lho MISTRESS Ito q new cook ~" NoH,Y
4 Sarah, remember if you, are strictly
4 1ihonest and ecoHon oniicaf ii your market.
j ling, Twill give you a few shillings extra
ma Iam, will think It Over, i, 4, and let you
I Know IN the, evening, ,n-Hsn"y aEoiks. 9t
WHYc should we ever without necess,.
fsftytry, to pack our sympathy into any,
thfng 80 narrow and imperfect as Ian
FguageY9aAa silent RESPONSIVENESS, q diff !
fused and respectful tenderness OF maas
ner, is more gratifying, as well as safer,
in nine cases out of TN, than any at
temptte express sympathy inIWords. na-
~ SOAE fellows may fellow the fckle
fIagoddess of, Fortune for whole lifetime
and never get near enough to kiss the
hem of her garment, owhile Aat'footedi
A luck pprsnes others with ., club and
knocks the gilded balls of wealth straight
tihto their hand at every clip.-Ronte
Bentinss,d s4a oiw sanI s1s eIsdi nad.
y "a TEsTATR1xq at, Sost, in Germany,
llisistefs1i bdt addsa:sq brother will
4 liam marriss in his old sges heshall have
Iiam, % r6bdst sexag genariaii.. can receive
NOTHING, sas untipAis death itfcsn not be
kno wn whether he marriss, OF notsii isnI
[fa T BE small boy is bEaveepeugh to face
the Iterrors of p farmer and mastlt,
: when he desi res some cherries; he is
heroic, enough TO fell 5hiss teacherS that
!; his aunt ia dead in order TO get away
sd'vaiof to icasch on behind a watering
sfeart.daua on weak odw bns ,9susp sa
1iFuoAT a legal investigation of a liquor
dssiz zure the judge asked an unwilling
nl syithess: III" Whatwasi III the barrel that
: 1yon -hada". 80 The reply swas :s1 8. Well, !,
: your honor, it was marked whisky on,
|. one end # the barrel and Pat Duhey
ron the other end, so that I can't say
j whsther it Twas whiskys or Pat Duffsy
was in 4y the l barrel, being 81 Il am on my
a1 os1rs rsiaanSy2 any country 9papst desires good
Q I1subiecs bna prize chrome, to be entitled
p l,S Happineys lit should get pp the repr
b tresentation of a barefoot boy, with, dirty
Z face, ragged clothes, long, nnbrashed
al hair3 3nhe esuspenderyR ten-cent straw hat,
4 and n broad grin; standing at the back
q hof an ice cart, surreptitiously regaling
b himself on the contents, while he keeps
one eye upon thaldriver. nsdt taA aos
IT T4zs is too good TO keepsd Although