The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-09-04
FACTS AND FANCIES.
roupd trip-fallinR over a ball.

junk.
Toe midnight cat never improves his
chants.
Outdoor sports-loungers around no.
tel entrances.
A college student, when asked what
stars never set, replied roostaTS.
A three cent stamp becomes q sent
stamp after You have mailed your letter.
II it is desired 10 have winter bloom
ing plants the buds should be nipped of
in the summer.
The Dallas Times is ~displeased be.
cause the Texas Legislators take the floor
in their shirt sleeves.
The merchant who employs young
saleswomen is continually having his
goods miss-represented.
A Philadelphia photographer during
the past year filled an order for $4,000
pictures OF theatrical celebrities.
No stock clerk in q notion house can
inventory more in ten minutes than the
woman who watches the family moving
next door.
II is a malevolent female who will
mark another woman's name and a date
some thirty.four years back Oh a turtles
shell and then let the reptile go.
"A righteous man hateth lying hence
the editor waxeth wroth against the sub
scriber who promises to call and settle
on the morrow, yet oalleth not to settle.
The habit Of resolving without acting
is worse than not resolving at all, mas
much as it gradually bunders the natu-
raj connection between thought and
deed.
Pious old lady: Just think, Rose,
only five missionaries to 10000 canni-
bRlsl' Kind-hearted niece: 'Goodnessl
the poor cannibals will starve to death
at that rate
Mary (reading): 'And thus we see that
history repeats ITSELF Tom with ami
mation): oh, does it2 1 wish it did,
and geography and tables and the whole
lot, and save us the trouble
A busy man at Columbus, Ohio, keeps
q photograph ready for use in his office,
and when anybody begins to tell him a
long story he says, Just talk it into the
instrument, and I'll listen to it by and
by
Time makes all things wen excepting
only a stubborn moustache we know of,
which is bushy at one point and bald
headed at another, and grows every day
more and more like a wornout tooth
brush.
John, did you take the note to Mr..
Jones2' yes; but l { don't think he can
read it, why SO, JohnP' Because he
is blind, sir. While I was in the room
he axed me twice where my hat was, and
it was on my head all the time
A wag brought a horse driven by a
young man to a stop in the street by the
word Whoa and said to the driver
That's a fine horse you have there
Yes answered the young man, 'but he
has one fault. He was formerly owned
by a butcher, end always stops when he
hears q calf bleat.'
False modesty frequently deters wo-
men from their share of love making. For
fear of being over-bold, they are apt to be
over shy, and thus discourage attentions
which they secretly desire. Women are
as well entitled as men to express their
love, only each sex has its own way
men with words, and women with man
ners.
A hen out in the country is laying
eggs measuring eight and a half inches
around the waist. She is evidently tired
Of hearing of 'hailstones the size Of
hens eggs, and is determined to insugu-
rate q reform in this particular. 1t is
hoped all the hens in the country will
turn in and assist her in her laudable
effort.
There are sometimes unpleasant feel
ings arising from fruit trees standing
near and %overhanging the boundary
lines. In such cases the law is hat the
tree and its fruit belongs wholly to the
one ON whose land the trunk stands, and
he has a right to pick his fruit from his
neighbours side. If ION the line the tree
and fruit are to be equally divided.
'Bub, did you yer stop to think
said a grocer recently, as he measured
out half a peck of potatoes, that these
potatoes contain sugar, water and starchP'
'Noa, L didn't replied the boy, but 1
heard mother say that you put peas and
beans in your coffee and about a pint o.!
water in every quart OF milk you sold.'
The subject of natural philosophy was
dropped right there.
This, dear children, is the shoe of a
Chinese lady; see how little it is; what a
very narrow sole it has, I'll bet il amt
as narrow as Deacon - 3. Father
says his soul will fall through q crack in
the floor some day and get lost, was the
shrill comment of a boy given to sharp
listening. The superintendent put the
Chinese shoe in his pocket, and request
ed the school to sing Pull for the shore
A politician remarked; Il never deny
newspaper stories now. An editor on
one occasion printed a most dreadful &C.
cusation against me in a paper published
in my W town, where it reached the