Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-09-21
WIT AND HUMOR.
One out of a hundred--99.
Living in vein-The blood.

Amerry-kee'
House flies are "spec"- ulatlng extern
sively in window-glass.
The dentists in convention agree to pull
together for another year.
Suspiclous-A sausage maker adver-
tiscs his wares as 'dog cheap"
Moses never had the govt. This was
one Of the missed aches Of Moses.
No bald-headed man was ever convert
ed by q sermon during the fly season.
"All the worlds stage" and all the
men and women want to ride on top.
Dogs ought to succeed as novellsts
they have such wonderful narrative pow
ers.
II is no sign that hen meditates evil
to her owner simply because she lays for
him.
The man afraid OF tramps has tied up
his dog and put up notice, "Laborer
wanted"
An Eastern man advises his dissolute
son to Ego West and run down with the
country"
There are great many people who
will never go to heaven unless they can
60 at excursion rates.
Ninety and nine folks out of a hundred
make mistake when they cut of dogs
tail. They preserve the wrong end.
There is man in this city who has
been angry for thirty years on q stretch.
It is the "orst case Of standing choler
that we ever knew.
A tombstone with a simple cucumber
carved upon it is oftentimes more express
i've than one with ten thousand lines of
obituary poetry.
The man who got into barber-chair,
pinned the newspaper around his neck
and began to read the towel may justly
be called absent-ninded.
An Englishman OF the world, speaking
of having great many flowers on din
ner table, says: "No one can be fonder
of flowers than l AMIN their PROF. Der
place, but do not care about dining in
hot-house."
The Rev Mr. was called upon to
marry a man to his fourth wife. AS soon
as he approached the couple he said !:
'Please to rise" The man wiggled
about in his chair morent and finally
spoke: "Weve usually sot!'
"He had frugal mind" Mourner
Cooking at gloves handed him by the
undertaker): "Look here, I shan't wear
'em at the ground. Couldn't you stand a
pair af slate colored instead?" Under
takcr: Very sorry, sir, but we never do
anything in 'mitigated"
A park policeman, seeing q vel .ow dog
near two handsomely dressed women, ap-
proathes respectfully and says: Does
this beauchiful little creachure belong to
you, ladies9' "Mercy, mol" Park police
man Qiftlng his cane)-Get out O. here,
you beast"
The baseball fever is raging in Rhode
Island. THe only difficulty in playing
the game there is that the centre and
right tielders have to stand in Massachu-
setts and the left in Connecticut, while
the catcher is in constant danger of back
ing off into the Atlantic ocean.
The man that would kick another out
of his store or office for advising him
how to run his business can be seen after
working hours strolllng round toward the
printing office, filled full of suggestions
to offer the editor, as to the proper meth
cd of conducting newspaper.
A Farmers I.ogic--Farmer Giles Re-
spect his theological opinions! Why,
look 'erc NUM- He was a-looking at that
there field of oats o'mine the other day,
and he SEE, seq he, ''That there's nice
lot o'young soheat you've got, MIR. Giles ~
SEE he! There's "a theological opinion for
ye!
Rev. Mr.. Pogson Of Bridgeport is the
father Of a boy who will probably dis
tinguish himself. The evening before
the last Circus in that city the reverend
gentleman was talking to his son about
the beauties of heaven. when the child
suddenly observed, "Papa, let's drop
heaven and talk circus"
A Bridgeport girl got q button in her
car some years ago, and has had terrible
attacks OF headache since. AS no one
knew button was in her ear, the excel
lent idea of pushing button-hole into
the other ear did not occur to her friends,
and the button remained there until the
other day, when 1t fell out of its own &C.
cord.
"How came these holes in your ell
bOws2" said the widow Smith to the ire.
Pressible small boy. "Oh, mother, I hid
behind the sofa when little Jack Horne1
was sayin' to our julie that he'd take her
even if you had to be thrown in; and he
didn't know l was there, and so I held in
and laughed IN my sleeves till I burst
en-
A little squlnt-eyed Chicago boy pranc
d up to his mother, and said: "Ma, ham,
been real good since VIC begun goin' tc
Sunday -school2" "Yes, my lamb" an
swered the maternal, fondly. "And you
trust me now don't you, map Eyes
darling" "Then," spoke up the little
innocent, "what makes you keep the
cookies locked up in the drawer the same
as usual.
New beauty (universed as yet in the
mysteries Of high life): "Whos tina,
wonderful old gentleman9' The captain
"Sir Digby de Rigby, q Hampshire bar.
onet; one ofthe Oldest in England; James
the FiIst's creation, you know" New
beauty determined to be surprised a
nothing): "Indeed! How well preserv
ed he is! I shouldn't have thought hin
more than seventy or eighty.
He had just landed from three
whaling voyage and overcome by his joy
ful reception found himself before the DO
lice court: "Your honor" he said plain
lively, "1'm simple sailor, lowly born
"Thirty days for the drunk, six months
tor plnatoring," was the ringing sentence
and the poor tar, bewildered, was dragged
to his dungeon cell and deprived of tele.
phonic communication.
.Gentlemen of the iurx y said an olo