The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-02-13
WHOLE NO. 1861.
Miscellaneous.

A paste pot doesn't denote time, yet it
s known by its stick.
They say that Edison is quite a humor-
st, and can telephone story.
The man is not always upright who has
been brought up right.
good motto for young man just
starting moustache-Down in front.
The man who tries to build fire with
wet wood acts in a damp-fuel-ish manner.
Many people are much like the globe
they inhabit-slightly FAT at the polls.
1t seems but one short year since we
sang, 10, the snow | the boot-full o snow"
A small boy and gun are harmless
when apart, but they make terrific COM
bination.
If you haven't time to attend to it
yourself, you might have the Count
Schouvaloff your walk.
A music printer announces in his win
dow a sentimental song: Thou Hast
Loved and Left Me, for 10 cents.
The country has resur.ed; but. thank
Heaven, it will be several months yet
before the organ-grinders will.
Persons who write anonymous letters
for publication should send their fool
names to the publishers.
"This sidewalks handy, but not as
sandy as l wish it was, said the man
who reached his length on the icy pave
ment.
A foreign journal says Poe's Raven"
was borrowed from the Persian. II Poe
was alive, he would doubtless deny the
fowl as Persian
alcohol will clean silver" Yes, alco-
hol, we'll stuck to, will clean all the silver
you have-out of your pocket.
II sot me down in thought profound,
this maxim wise 1 drew; It's easier to
pay a man, than maik a man pay yu."
"a Ripe Old Drunkard" is the title of
new temperance novel. 1t must be
something of mellow drammer.
Why are there more marriages in win
ter than in summer Because then men
seek comforters and ladies seek-muffs.
western lawyer included in his bill
against his client: "To waking up in the
night and thinking about your case, S."
young physician asking permission
of lass to kiss her, she replied, mo, sir;
l never like doctors bill stuck in my
face"
There is believed to be only one thing
slower than molasses in January, and
that is lady making room for another
lady in street car.
One of our exchanges mentions horse
that eats meat. Well, we think it about
time; they have been running for stakes
long enough.
Music may have charms to soothe the
savage; but a double barreled shotgun
does the business a good deal quicker,
and at half the expense.
Some people maintain that Byron was
Shakes peer" says Charles Augustus
Stewart, but our Shake says, "by shim-
miny, dot don't was true"
Sew up the holes in your vest pocket
those pesky gold dollars will crawl
through an aperature that greenback
would plug tight enough to hold water.
This popular idea that tramps won't
work if they have q chance is very erro-
neous. They have been known to dig
through Jail wall with ten-penny nail.
Mrs. Whitneys key to the Cook
Book" is a good work but it is not half
as satisfying, when q man is hungry, as
the key to the pantry.
An aristocrat, whose family had rather
tradesrlen of his ancestors, the latter
said: "You are proud of your descent,
am on the opposite tack, and feel proud
o. my ascent.
A physician, finding lady reading
Twelfth Night" said: when Shak-
speare wrote about Patience on q monu-
ment, did he mean doctors patients Z"
mo" she answered. you don't find
them on monuments; but under them"
What city in France is man about to
visit when he goes to get married? He
is going to Havre (have her). An old
bachelor, being asked the question,
promptly replied: Ito Rouen" (ruin).
A boisterous, ill-bred fellow, in dis
pute, called his adversary mo gentle.
man" II suppose you think yourself
one2" was the reply. Certainly do,
answered the bully Then" said the
other, II am not offended that you don't
think me one"
A little girl, visiting a neighbor with
her mother, was gazing curiously at the
hosts new bonnet, when the owner
ouerried: "Do you like it, LauraT The
innocent replied: why, mother said it
was perfect fright; but it don't scare
me-" Laura's mother didn't stay long
after that.
1t was a colored preacher who said to
his flock on Christmas day: "We have q
collection to make this morning, and for
de glory of Heben, whichever of you
stole Mr.. Jones turkeys don't put any
thing on de plate" One who was there
, saws Every blessed niggah in de church
came down wild de rocks"
Now that the winter is upon US and
the air will soon be filled with appeals to
our benevolence, it is about time for US
to button our pockets and remember thai
, charity begins at home" There would
be a tall monument erected to the author
of that saying if it wasn't for one thing
I the people who quote it oftenest are to-
. stingy to give q nickel for nything, ex
i cept fol- two tnree-cent stamps.
Chief-of Police Shortall insists that b.
9 never had sunfower in his garden, an
= as he is bigger man than we, he may b
+ right-it might have been palm tree
but young man who goes home fror
our church sociables with girl who b'
h longs to the church, palmed it off on
il for sunhower. There is not halt 8
r much regard for truth in this world an.
= how, as there would be if there was NOR
IN newspaper men