Smyrna times., 1879-03-26
Humorous.
aeTciaI -4dcrtiser.

1t is hard to get ahead of time, but a mu-
sician often beats it.
The tree peddler and the book canvasser
have appeared with the croak Of the frogs.
A minister in the course of sermon
upon angels alluded to them as an extinct
race"
A happy mother Of male twins enthusias-
tically refers to her treasures as her sweet
boy and boy
An umbrella that keeps Lent the year
round is altogether too religious for US
.nerilen Recorder.
The man who dreamt he dwelt in marble
halls woke up to find that the bedclothes
had tumbled off.
A music seller announces in his window
sentimental song Thou Hast Loved
and Left Ne for ten cents.
"True worth, like the rose, will blush at
its own sweetness" Good Could never
understand before why our face was so red,
A profound writer says, We are created
especially for one another" Then why
blame the cannibals in wanting to get their
share?
"We old maids" remarked Miss Stib-
| bens, " love cats because we have no hus.
bands, and cats are almost as treacherous
as men.
His name was Wrath, and when he asked
his girl to marry him she gave him soft
answer, and a soft answer turned away
Wrath.
1t has been proved that after kindling
his fire mser stuck a cork in the nozzle of
the bellows to save the little wind that was
left in it.
First swell-Look here, Fred, you
shouldn't wear SO many big diamonds. It's
awfully bad form. Second swell-Bless
your soul, dear boy, they amt real.
An admirer of Weston, O'Leary and
other "tramps" purchased a copy OF
Walkers Dictionary, under the impression
that it was a work on pedestrianism.
A naturalist claims to havs discovered
} that crows, when in 1ocks, have regularly
organized courts, in which they sit around
and try ofenders-a sort of crow bar.
"Mother is all the time telling me not to
bolt my food" said the small boy, "and
now she has gone and bolted up the cup
board that has got all the company vict-
uals."
The heading of an account in San Fran.
, cisco newspaper of mining accident, One
Man and Twelve Chinese Killed." is an
indication of the ruling prejudice on the
Pacific coast.
"There are too many women in the world
sixty thousand more women than men in
Massachusetts, growled the husband.
That is the survival of the fittest,' my
DEAR" replied the wife.
A little girl was asked by her mother, on
her return from church, how she liked the
S preacher. Didn't like him at ALL" was
D the reply. I" why ?" asked her mother
r "'Cause he preached till he made me sleepy
and then hollered so loud he wouldn't let
me go to sleep.
: After the wholesale hogging of boys at
the Minot School, Neponset, boy who was
one of the victims was questioned as to the
severity of the punishment. Did he whip
anv of them so as to leave them black and
blue?" was asked. "No," replied the boy
, but he made some of them yell-oh ~
A gentleman recently about to pay hi:
;. doctors bill said: Well, doctor, as my
# little boy gave the measles to all my neigh
bors' children, and as they were attended
| bv YOU, l think vou can afford, at the least
|
of my bill for the increase of business we
gave you."
There was a man with great big hat,
r Who wrote some things about this ana thati
. And among the things he once dld 90,
He wrote q tale of wornout shoe
He wrote this tale with q wornout pen,
And his great big hat had wornout brlm,
II And he wrote away in a wornout chair,
! On a WOrnout desk with wornout air.
"Bov," said the man, holding an inverted
% match in one hand and dark cigar in tht
other, "never aquire the pernicious habi
of smoking l am slave to it now, anC
y vet hate it. l never see cigar that l dC
not want to burn it up" And then, with ex
treme satisfaction, he burned up the one hi
II had in hish and.
Gideon Cook, Baptist preacher, vel
n known a quarter of a century ago, was
man very eccentric in his speech even t
his last earthly moments. few hour
ia previous to his death his brother, also
preacher, came to his bedside and inquired
"Do you think you are dying, Gideon
N And the reply, sharp, and quick, came
don't knoW-can't tell--neyer died yet !