River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-10-09
Wit and HuInOr.
Small for its eyes-A young owl.

The sickle that cuts down the green
things-Icicle.
You can tell 4 young man raising d
moustache as fuzz you can see.
Some one suggests that England should
establish Znluogical garden.
"Hive something sweet to tell thee
love-" said the honey-bee to his mate.
We never heard of man so mean that
a fly wouldn't become attached to him.
The man who finds pocket-book with
cash in it doesn't look at paper tor three
weeks.
An Albany genius calls a new suspen-
der which has been patented 'The Con-
science Suspender. 1t owes its name to
its extreme elasticity.
The voice of the young man who got
away with three hundred and ninetys SIX
CLAIMS at a clambake is heard in the land,
and it calls tor the doctor.
The climax of Observation-Disclosures To
suppose that you have left your watch
az home, aud pull it out of your pocket
to see if you have time to go back and
get it.
1.-THE mills of the gods grind slowly
THIS Is all because the hands are paid by
the day. viii the gods ever learn that it
is to their interest to let out work by
contraCtl
If a man undertakes to travel on the
line between truth and dishonesty, says
Josh Billings, he is snre to stumble and
we all kno on which side ov the line he
will fall.
An editor being asked, "Do hogs pays"
says a great many do not. They take
the paper several years, and then have
the postmaster send it back marked ''Te-
fused.
I'm pursuing my theme, should like
to cover more ground" BUY shoes
big enough for your feet, and you'll do
1t" was the impudent sugges ton from
the crowd.
II have nothing but my heart to give
you said a spinster to a lawyer who
had concluded SUIT for her. "Well, y
said the lawyer, gruffly, so to my clerk,
he takes the fees,
mo sir said the gentleman from
Pittsburgh, Il was not in the war, but
nay brother was and he was wounded.
All! indeed. Seriously wounded" "Yes,
sir, he was shot IN the horse.
"If you want pug dog. madame,
what is pug2" said dog-fancier to a
would-be purchaser, ''this here ones the
dog; why, his nose is just turnin'
somersets 'atween his ears all the time.
At Bullong Paterfamilias (who will
do the Parleyvooing himself instead of
leaving it to his daughter: "Oh-er-j al
bezwang d Don boutail de-de-de here girls,
what's the French for Eau de Colognel''
Julius, way didn't you oblong your
stay at the springs?" ''Kase, Mr. Snow,
doy charge too much" Show So, JulIus y
Why, de landlord charged dis colored
individual wild stealing de spoons
Priest: You drunken sot! The very
beasts of the field give you lesson.
They leave off when they have quenched
their thirst. Paddy: Yes, yer riv'rence.
But where did the 5asTes EVER come across
a strame o. whiskey.
Customer: "What dld you think of the
bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby?''
Hairdresser: "Well really, sir, there
was gent sittin' in front of me as 'ad
his air parted that crooked that could
not ear word"
The following is sign on barber
shop in Mansfield, o.: "Tonsoriai Arts,
Physiognominical Hair Dresser, Facial
Operator, Uranium manipulation and Clip
ilary abridger Sheaves and Hair Cut
with ambidextrous facility
There is a village in New Hampshire
which has produced 25 editors. 1t was
in aIlusion to this circumstance that q
pious deacon remarked: eyes, there
are 30 of 'cm, but as they've all left the
town, | reckon the Lord won't lay it up
agln u.s.
I'm a ruta baga, and here's where ]
plant myself, " said tramp as he entered
farmhouse near Freeport, ILL.,, and seat
ed himself at the table. 1--WE alleis bile
ours, said the farmers wife, and soused
him with dishpanful of boiling water
At party on Nelson street the other
evening the conversation appeared to be
dying out, when bilious man suddenly
observed to lady on his right: II don't
think they make pills as large as they
used to-" After that the conversation
went out again.
A suitable aud smart reply: Young
Vicar 0acetiously): well, John, how
smart you are this morning; who gave
you the new clothes2" John 0aughing)
LEES, sir, the same as gave you yourn =
the parish, sir" Vicar retires somewhat
discounted.
When, some years ago, an eminent Aus
tralian was inspecting in that country q
unatic asylum, miserabiy defective IL
construction and appointment, he asked
what was the special feature in the luna
cy of certain patient. ale thinks be
| is in hell, SIR was the reioinder. III
| that was all his delusion, was the reply
II think he has very substantial basis
| tor it"
4 father said to an old acquaintance
who came TO condole with him on the un
manageableness of his two sons, who haC
committed burglary in the next town
and both had been sentenced to prison
at is pretty rough on me to have then
go TO onct, but there is one thing to it,
| 3 hen it comes night now you know
where them boys be-
"What news to-day?" said one of on
city merchants to his friend. sWha
news, responded the other; nothing
only things are growing better. Gu
people are getting on their legs again.
'tOn their legs again" ''0n their legs,
said the first u don't see how you max
that out" "Why, yes, replied the 9th
er; folks that used to ride are obliged +
walk now Is not that getting on tbei
legs again