Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1879-11-21
FACTS AND FANCIES.

The latest hog has the most winning |
reigh.
Whtn temper gets the best OF a man, /
lis friends st e the worst OF him.
IL little stream is streamlet, isn't /
little team team let when 1t is hired.
The best way to snub a man OF doubt
'ul credit is to take no note Of him.
Eyes are not eyes when cigar smoke
makes them water.
On, that my father was seized with
remlttent fever sighed a young spend
thrift at college.
IL am stuck mp, am not proud. as
the butterfly said when pinned TO the
side of the showcase.
When a man takes soda water nj this
season Of the year, you may be snre
there is something in it.
1t rains alike on the Just and the nm
JUST on the just mainly because the nm
Just have borrowed their umbrellas.
The average public man cares nothing
for tue lies that may be told about him
1t is the truth that cuts him to the
quick.
You may meet with twenty men in the
day who stutter, but you never heard OF
a woman who had an is1pediment in her
speech.
When well-known chiropodist enter
ed the ballroom it was mean trick in
the band to play See the corn curing
hero comes
II is said that Orson Pratt, the Nor
mon, will devote the next five years of
his life to celebrating the anniversary Of
his wedding.
The button on the back OF man
shirt collar probably needs talking TO as
much MS any other iDanimate thing in
this world.
The man who Tell of the fence into
the bramblos was much nettled by the
occurrence. We hope thistle be Appre.
ciated, says punster.
Take it of a cool morning and every
man in room will stand around a stove
which has no fire in it just the same as
if it was red hot. Why do they do these
things
Where do paragraphers go TO when
they die2 asks the Houston NetOs, aud
the Philadelphia Chronicle replies: III
it isn't from the humorous to the grave
we give it up
Chicago certainly takes the premium
for large feet. 1t is asserted that a lady
lost her baby for three hours the othel
day, and found it only when she came I,
put on her slippers.
There was quite a movement in tin
ware Monday. re was fastened to {
dogs tail. and the az; T1 5iii Ware foucb-
ed'the ground about every 200 feet.
Nothing is more tantsliziDg 10 sick
man, when he feels as il he could drink
barrel Of water, than to be proffered
goblet Of the precious beverage, and
then ohoked off with single mouthful.
The boy who made kite Of the paper
containing the announcement Of his
fathers nomination for selectman has
resolved to lun away from home and
Join a band of pirates as soon "a he can
SIT down with any sort of comfort.
1t is useless to argue with man who
wears number five hat and a number
eleven boot. was the remark of a dis
gusted DICTATOR, who had been holding
a session with a remarkably obtuse and
contrary individual.
The young man who is cold, and who
has no money to buy himself an over
coat, Is trying to figure out how much
he has spent for cooling drinks during
the summer. The sum total makes him
shiver.
A Boston hotel has begun the prac-
tice of giving away every twentieth drink
to whatsoever comes IN at the right mo-
ment; and the right moment will soon
be known, as a number of amateur de-
tectives are investigating the matter
closely.
The poet Moore used to hunt for DAYS
for a single word to complete the must
cal cadence of rhyme. When he
mashed his finger With hammer he
somehow had no difficulty in instantly
hitting on just the word he wanted to
express the musical cadence of his
emotions.
An exchange solemnly AYERS that a
certain man in town who never adver-
tises was recently found dead under his
counter, where he had been lying two
Jays. People had forgotten where his
store was, and stranger looking for q
was the discoverer of the de-
ceased proprietor.
Professor Schmidt thinks that sponpes
may be propagated by cutting the live
ones into small pieces, attaching them
10 Jumps of rock, and sinking them to
proper depths in the sea. We have
seen few live sponges that we would
not object to seeing this experiment tried
upon, even if there wasn't the shade Of
shadow of hope that they would pro
oagate worth cent.
Rockland man read that one sbonld
endeavor to draw Something 11o1 ~ - go.
70 profit by the yeaeRdl -nobly resolved
when the moon was hidden he eslnlght
% draw n number of useful cord WOOL
ticks from his neighbours woodpiIe. and
got filled so full of rock salt ou' OF q gun
hat he won't be able to taste anything
resh for the balance of his natural hfo.
oh, he'd lose anything old Mr.. Mer-
'dith, of West Hill, growled, when the
BOY came back from an errand and said
led lost the package intrusted to him,
he'd lose anything. One day last week
cent him to take pickle barrel to G
and before he got the barrel
o the house, l hope to die il he didn't
ose the bung hole clear out of it, and
had to send for the cooper to put in a
low one.
Fred Douglass son on the Exodus.