St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-03-21
Squibs.

We personally know of three devoted
five dollar bills which have been cele-
brating lent for quite long while
Wheeling Leader.
An admirer of Weston, O'Leary and
Walkers dictionary, under the i'm
preston that it was work on pedes-
trianism.-NOrriStOlUR Herald.
Shingle weddings are becoming fash
ionable in Iowa. They occur when the
first child is old enough to spank.
Fat cook with conscious bushes, to
the lady who wants to engage herr
'As to their bein' no followers allowed,
mum, you might recollect, as you've
been single yOurself and girl as is
rayther snowy in fgger can't well help
'em comm about.n
A bashful young man could defer the
momentOus question no longer, so he
stammered "Martha, I-I-dO-you-
you must have-are you aware that the
good book says-er, says that it is not
g-g-gOOd that mman should be alone 2r
"Ihen hadn't you better run home to
your mother ?" Martha coOlly suggested.
1t is given out that gentlemens trous-
ers this spring "will be full and bulging
at the knee" This fashion is very
common already. 1t is the easiest thing
in the world t. get the "bulge" on a
pair of trousers at the knee, no matter
how much you may try to prevent it.
NOrriStOUn Herald.
A gentleman recently about to pay
his doctors bill, said: "Well, doctor,
as my little boy gave the measles to all
nv aI,. 4l,
were attended by you, think you can
afford, at the very least, to deduct ten
per centum from the amount of my
bill for the increase of business we gave
you"
An absent-minded grocer of New
London, whose name begins with P,
while signing check recently, engaged
III conversation with a customer on the
subject of potatoes, and the check was
signed C. Potatoes" The strangest
part of it was that the check went
through several banks before the pc
culiarity of the name was discovered.
A clergyman was called upon on one
occasion to otficiate at colored we'd
ding. "We assure you, sah,n said the
gentlemanly darkey, "dat dis yere wed.
ding, sab, is to be berry much in de
fashion, sab" every WE'LL" replied
the clergyman, ~ will try to do every
thing in my power to crafty the wishes
of the parties" So, after the dinner
and dancing and supper were over, the
groom's "best man" called again on the
minister, and left him $40 fee. 81
hope everything was as your friend
desired it 7" said the urbane clergy
man. "Well, sab, to tell de trut, Mr..
johnson was little disappointed,
answered the groom's man. 'Why, 1
took my robes !" said the minister.
''Yes, sah-it wasn't dat.n l adhered
to the rubrics of the church" eyes,
sab, dat was all right" 81 was punctual,
and shook hands with the couple. What
more could l do ~ "Wen, sab. Mr..
johnson he kind o. felt hurt, YOU see.
case you didn't salute de bride"
In little village in New Hampshire
there lived a family named Ransom.
They were not pious people, and they
never went to church. Once, however,
during revival, the family were pre-
vailed upon to attend preaching. When
they made their reluctant and tardv
appearance the services had begun, and
they had scarcely taken their seats
when the preacher gave out the first
hymn, reading it somewhat thus: ere
turn, ye ransom sinners home" "All
right" cried the head of the Ransoms,
getting up in rage, and clapping his
nat on his head" "Come along, old
woman and gals; we'll go home fast
enough, and everybody in the old
church knows we didn't want to come"
Josh Billings asks and answers as
follows: "What is an editor? An edi-
tors blssness is to write out editorials.
grind out poetry, sort manuscripts, keep
mighty big waste basket, steal mat
ter. hte other peoples battles, take
white beans and apple sass for paw
when he can get it, work nineteen hours
out OF twenty -four, and be damned by
everybody"