The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1879-10-05

H. Chaplin will preach this morning and deliver
extemporaneous address this evening.
Church Of the Heavenly Rest. the Rev. Dr.. How
land will ofhciate and preach usual.
CHAT BY THE WAY.
Agass,z used to say that he had no time to spare
to make money. Most Of us Americans have
time to spare for anything else.
When German determines to marry he goes to
the father Of the young lady and asks openly how
much money goes with his daughter. Matrimony
is very much the same thing with US. the only diff
ference being that discover the all-important
fact in = more indirect way.
Regrets always vain. II you have done the
best you can-indeed, whether you have motif is
better to look ahead than to look back These lines
orthodox
1t might have been Z? nay, think not SO;
For all that hath been ordained.
And each days share OF joy and woe
Fits in where wisely planned.
The perfect whole we yet shall see.
When that shall come that Is to be.
tall. thin man had huge wife. and little daugh-
| ter who born crooked. George Selwin who
could let slip opportunity to be witty
at the expense of his best friends used to say that
the family always made him think Of 1Ohd. It was
little cruel but very funny.
| children would spend more time on their moth
ers knee and mothers would the proper correc-
better than it is now.
The absurdity certain parts of the marriage
vice we'll illustrated by q country pumpkin.
who led bashful damsel to the altar. Tho clergy
man eravely asked, "Wilt thou have this woman to
be thy welded wife?" and the youth answered.
"Why parsou. OF course will; that's just what
came here for"
| There some people who think they make tho
most Of lie when they make it wretched posi-
| ble Luttrell was once asked II an acquaintance Of
his not very disagreeable "well." the
| ply. che is always dissgreeable the circum-
stances will permit"
Darwins old age is being frightened by the dis
covery of very brilliant facts which corrob
crate his pet theory Many years ago he detected
the resemblance between some men and most mon
keys. and at once adopted the monkey as poor and
distant relation OF the human family. From that
time to this both monkeys and men have been about
equally anxious to the verdict Of science. but
which will feel the indignant II the relation
ship shall be established. the msnnish monkey or
the monkeyish man. is matter Of doubt That
progress being made in the direction Of that
dict none can deny. For example. it has been dis
covered that monkey swims like y man. with the
side stroke. This is important fact. and one
from which grave consequences may result as the
startling discovery of the chops and tomato sauce
by Pickwick. The latter. properly interpreted. was
| significant enough. the great orator declared. to
break the already bleeding heart OF deeply wronged
individual. Of the units Of the human race. and
the former. under the skilful manipulation of Mr..
Darwin. may mean either that men are destined to
| take to the trees monkeys that at distant
date monkeys destined take to civilization and
| trousers.
| we'll a witty When he recovered from u very
serious illness he wrote to friend. AYE. sir it
| Q runaway knock at Deaths door. you"
| When some people are boosting Of their ancestry
| we reminded Of the story Of Jerrold. man
| told him that he descended from Cardinal
wolsey. Cardinal wolsey?' the sharp reply.
"my dear sir. you must mean Lnsey woolsey."
Character is like real turtle soup. lille reputation
can be likened only to mock turtle.
| A wooden pavement is. after all. the most econ
omical for all you have to do is to persuade the city
authorities to put their heads together. and then
you have it.
De Quincy very wittiy inverts the order of
crimes He ssys:-''H once man INDUCES him.
self in murder he very soon comes to think little of
robbery; and from robbery he comes next to drink
ing and Sabbath breaking and there is but one step
from that to incivility and procrastination. Once
begin upon the downward path. you never know
when you will STOP Many q has dated his
| ruin from some murder other that perhaps he
thought little of ut the time"
1t very remarkable that the greatest minds have
their foibies and little weaknesses we'll the
smallest. You would hardly expect such man IS
Gladstone, for example. to have what we Americans
call kinks" and yet he seems to be full of them.
His knowledge of Greek 10 perfect that he
| is apt to confound even Professor Blackie,
| Of Edinburgh. who has made it the speciality
Of . lifetime. He Is thoroughly versed in all
political and social TOPICS and is in its best and
largest . ripe scholar. And yet ho has taken
q notion Of late that tea and coffee the bane Of
msnkind. and writes letters to prove that of
the demoralizing influences Of the nineteenth GEN.
tury comes out of tho coffee and tea pot. He de-
cares that English beer In virtue In COM
harrison with the vice Of English breakfast
/ tea; that IL the world comes to . bad end
1t will be In consequence Of this immoral tea drink
ing which pervades every rank Of society Well, IL
we were to obey the commands of all the reformcrs
| who wish to make the world better. should
form ourselves all to pieces In . short time. The
Americans say that should drink nothing
but cold water, while the Frenchman declares,
with shrua of his shoulders that IL IL unreasonable
to ask him to drink what ne uses to wash his hands
and boiy-namely, this self-ssme cold water. Glad
would interdct tea and coffee. and deprive
our old ladies and spinsters Of the enjoyment OF
| life. In the millennium shall settle all these
vexed questions by drinking what We please. and
| not too much Of anything.
Richard A. Proctor is coming TO America to tell
all ne knows and perhaps great many things
(which fellow can find out" about the great
Pyramid. He leaves us in very appetizing state Of
doubt to whether he believes large pilo
Of stones. according to the theory of Piazzi smith,
silent prophecy that the world is to terminate In
1881 not This matter of the breaking up of all
mundane things Is sadly interfering with the general
comfort OF mankind. One no sooner gets into .
good business aud lays up enough for first class
bond and mortgage than he is told with ominous
shake OF the head that long before the mortgage
becomes duo this whole planetary concern will be
flying through space in tho shape OF aerolites and
that there won't be bit of real estate In any
place big ugh Tor kitchen garden He packs up
his trunks for short tour on the Continent. and
whom In London, lis told by DR.. Cummings that he