Daily press and Dakotaian. [volume] (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1875-1880, 1879-05-05
1he Daily fress aud 9atotaiau
vANkToN DAKOTA
Monday Evening, May S, 1879
FUNNY PARAGRAPHS.

IL the Russian uksse Is anything like the
SweilZer article, q very little Of II will 60
o gtcasway.
IL We may believe the Atlanta C0nstitu-
ton it Is the late tietts that have tougher.
cd spring chickens.
Vassar girl eating her first gooseber.ies ::
"N'yum! N'yum! yum-m-m-m!
these berries"
A WISCONSIN city In order to avoid scan
dals in its girls schools has decided that
the leading teachers shall be women. They
y principles not men,.
The Philadelphia Chronicle-H Herald says
that the president never has any backackes,
because be has no backbone.
In Kentucky there is q game law which
prohibits the shooting Of judges between
May 10 and the middle of June.
According to the Kansas City Times the
! great bone of contention In the republican
party is the presidents vertebral column.
Cetywsyo, the Zulu, has ordered Q new
suit Of clothes, consisting of a square Of
court plaster to be pasted on the left shoul
der.
London Punch :-"Mamma-'Now, Ar
thur, be a good boy and take your medi
cine, or mamma will be very angry! Ar
thur (after mature deliberation)-'I would
rather mamma was very angry"
Undismayed by the failure of Mrs. Jer
ONE BOnaparte to become q centenarian,
Ralph Waldo Emerson now says that he is
training to live to be a hundred years old
A bright little fellow Of four, the son o
q former pastor Of a flourishing church
who attends the infant class 10 Sunda,
school, received last Sunday morning
card on which we're the words, "fray with
out ceasing." After his mother had ex
blamed the text, he said, II guess l won
show this 10 the minister, he prays lon
enough now"
At the battle of Shiloh u German office
rushed up toNGen. Grant and said, "She,
eral, Schwar,z's battery is took" "Wel
sir" said Grant. "vou spiked the guns b,
fore they were tsken!" "Vst! scbpih
dem new guns: No sheneral, it woul
scbpoil EN-" well, then, what did yo
do" "Do!vy We ven right in and "
took 'em back again"
That the colored man is capable of deve
oping great resources in his intelle
when properly educated is prove
by the recent case in Atlanta, Georgi
Uncle Jumbo was caught with a sic
en- chicken hidden in his hat, and VIII.
asked how it got there he replied "Bo.
dat fowl must have crawled up my shi
sleeve"
Oil City Derrick: l think it was
September, if l rightly now remembe
that l heard a knocking, knocking at n
door; yes. | know twas in September, f
quite we'll l o remember, he had bee
there about fifty times before had be-
there knocking at my door. But l open,
not nor wondered, as upon my door
t%hundered, for he yelled "Say now, v
> you settle this ERE bill l bring you 2" as
battered upon the door and | auswe
camly answered, "Nevermore."
A colored minister in Georgia was brous
/. to trial before his church on a charge
stealing bacon. After a number of witnei
es had been examined the deacens retire
and soon afterward returned the followi
verdict: "The Rev. Moses Bledso am ac
wited of de situations dat he actual ste
? de pork. as twas not shode dat sumbos
else intent have been wearin' his cloz
but de brudder is heerby 'fectionately war
ed da. in de future he must be more kesrful
A p%edometer is a machine to accurate
measure the distance a person walks in
given time. When a business man aft,
supper, Saturday evening, told his wife
was only going down to the Office to squal
up the books" she slyly attached a pedom
ter to his leg, and when he returned ell
discovered that the Office was fifteen mill
from the house. P. S.-A night at billiar,
entails considerable pedestrianism.-Norr1
torn Herald.