The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-09-06
ALL SORTS.

I never lofted somebody's wife
Except dot Teller proke my headti
meier trained rooshter ub
To lick dot neighbor,s goose mex door.
But when hesh ready for der choo,
By shingol he dond lif no more,
-Yonker's Gazette.
Good words do more than hard speech
es. as the sunbeams without any noise Will
make the traveller cast off his cloak, which |
all the clustering winds could not do, but
only make him draw it closer to him.
Packages warranted to contain the
means of sure death for potato bugs, with |
out poison, were sold at fair 10 Illinois |
Each contained two blocks of wood. on |
one of which was written: ''Place the bug |
on this block and smash him with the
other.
Lord Beaconsfeld made the following
cynical remark when some one called the
Zulus uncivilized: "Uncivilizedi l dol
not quite see that. They have routed our
armies, outwitted our generals. killed a
prince, and converted bishop. The most
civilized nation could do no more"
Beware of the man who comes into your
Office while the morning is fresh and starts
off by saying: IL don't want to take up
your time; | know what busy men you
editors are" The chances are that he
will stay until sunset, and will only leave
because you draw pistol on him.-At-
bang Journal.
A minister once told Wendell Phillips
that if his business Ia life was to save the
negroes, he ought TO go to the South,
where they were, and do it. That is
worth thinking Of" replied Phillips; "and
what is your business 10 life?" TO save
men from going to hell, replied the min
lister. Then go there aud attend to your
business!" said Mr.. Phillips.
A fve-year-old son of family the other
day stood watching his baby brother. who
was making great noise over having his
f face washed. The little fellow at length
lost his patience, and stamping his tiny
foot said: You think you have lots Of
= trouble, but you don't know anything about
: it. Wait till you're big enough to get 9
. lickin' aud then you'll see-won't h(
mma?"-SyracuSe Herald.
La divorce case in Georgia the Judg,
concluded his opinion in these words
Without intending to reflect upon tn
t wife in this case, for | take it, for grantee
that the Gbellant is to blame, still ! war
all plain men against marrying women b,
the euphoDious names of DuIcinea, Felix
e ana, etc. These melifuous names will d
q for novels, but not for everyday lite.
Printers, as class, are innocent, uns,
J, phisticated men. DO any of you gentle
"a men know anything about gambling :?
, asked the editor of the Oshkosh Christia
Advocate to his cOmpositors the other day
and cemetery Stiffness reigned through
Is out the Office. Aud then the crafty edito
h0h 81
laid down their sticks and inquired no
y much.th was 10 the pots Lou
Times Journal.
IS A good colored man once said 10
Ig class meeting: "Bredren. when | was
4 boy took a Ratchet and went into th
* woods When | found tree that W;
% straight, big, aud solid didn't touch tn;
q tree; but when +: found one leaning, Ii
+ tie hollow inside, soon had him dowl
So, when de debil gets after Christians b
dom touch dem OATS straight and tru
g out dem dat lean little and are holo
rs inside - Wheeling Leader.
Is 4 bout this season the enthusiastic bI
@ inexperienced sportsman takes trip u
NJ into New Hampshire and goes out for
&c days shooting, and starts flock of fow
Vi and be and his dog have terribly excit
Jog time and bag lot of birds. He return
81 to his hotel staggering beneath his load {
o trophies, but borne up by an honorab
- pride in his success, and on arriving
y" Mortified to learn that there are no vii
9 turkeys in those parts, and that he wi
a have to settle with the farmer, who b
this time has arrived with the constable.
&c Boston Post.
Singular. but married man ia sire,
- Car can see the look of pretty anxiety con
IS, over a pretty girls face clear at the otht
70, end of the Car the moment she begins
le, tumble for her portmonnaie, and he dar
forward to take her fare long before she
. ready, but he can't see his wife down G
IL her knees crawling around in the stra
in feeling for the nickel she has dropped, unit
til the driver wraps the lines about the brab
" and comes in to help her.-Ha,0kye.
M A man up on North Hill is Just Il
- maddest man. He went to Philadclph
ne paid $500 for pure blooded bird dol
er with pedigree longer than the chronolo,
in ical table Of the kings of England, and II
or dog hadn't been home two days before I'll
+ next door neighbor killed him With brio
ID, in his hen house, where the thoroughbre
Of was sucking eggs. Blood is as uncerta
and rare in a dog as it is in the Soul
American battle.-Ea.
if, "Chevaliers of the pressl Down wit
OF the despotism of the dictionary Glass
lily American history, stand up. Read.
IN wen Jorg UashIntun wuz ct Vale
ne Forg, hiZ trupZ wur in ned ov fud, clothin
lid and liker. 1t wuz we're kold wethur, al
u. fu Nv them had shuz on thar fet. 81
Jorg Uashintun's kurij nevur faild, and
last Kongress sent him supliz, and
III, chast the eneme ovur to Nu JerEe, ar
by wipt him at the batel Nv Trentun
20. ''That'll do. boys Run out, now, an
ur play. "-LittelFs Lining Age
IL! A whoop-bang sort of boy, with fe
ue as broad and fat as a pie-tin. trottt
at through the Central Market till he reacht
10. stall kept by single woman, about
81 years cid. Hating there, he yelled on
all Say say Your little boy has been:rr
2t over and killed up by the City Hall
i'iOhl oh! heavens II" 81
~ screamed, and she made dive under Il
by counter, came up oD the other side, al
81 started to follow the boy. after goir
be ten feet she halted. looked very FOOLS
:. and all of a sudden remarked: what
III goose ami Why, amt even married
a. -Peaoee Methodist.
~ The language of postage-stamps , instei
~ of flowers, has Just been invented Thu
when postage stamp is placed upsit
Lo down on the left corner of the letter,
-, means, 4 lose you" in the same eros
wise, my heart is another's;" straight l
oh and down, "Good-by, sweetheart. goo
I II = a I "