West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1879-03-29
WAITS AND WHIMS.

The sea throws up the sponge.
THE feed waiter serves the best feed
The early revenue officer catches the
worm still.
THE spring caw-cus begins to agitate
the farmers.
THAT settles it," as the egg shell
said to the coffee.
A FAMsHED tramp says he Is dead OPP
posed To the Hungary Diet.
NEBRASKA as State was twelve years
old March l..
A MAN with pot Of green paint can
stand where he pleases on ferry-boat.
A COURTEOUS man often succeeds I'm
life when persons of ability fail.
The Mon" go "-lians declare is
neither more nor less than n queue-tan-
eous prejudice.
FoRTY-FIvE years ago tho Garden
City was known as Tuck Chicago; and
Chicago tuck the lead straightway.
WHAT is the difference between n sea-
sonable poem and child2 One IL on
spring and the other is offspring.
ALL the blows we strike should be for
purpose every nail driven should be a
rivet in the machine of the universe.
A PIECE of land for sale in London is
advertised as equally suitable for a
church or tavern"
THREE FoURTHs Of all the tobacco
consumed in Great Britain Is purchased
in half-ounces by poor people.
A DETROIT milkman delivers "mIlk
right from the COW" by putting hot
brick in each can.
To thine own self ho true;
And II must follow, RH the night the dRy
Thou oanst not then be false to any man.
--ShdkdDcdfo
A PARTICULAR Maryland bank won't
cash checks that are Endorsed upside
down,
Glow bedsteads, that burglars can
not crawl under" are advertised out
West.
NOTHING is 80 wholesome, nothing does
so much for peoples looks, as little In
terchange OF the small coin of benevo-
lence.
THERE is a gift that is almost blow,
and there is n kind word that is munifi-
cent; 80 much is there in the mode of
doing things.
You may mend a rent i'm n damaged
reputation 40 that IL may not show, but
you can never make the reputation quite
whole again.
"SPEECH is silver" they say; but
hungry tramp finds il mighty hard TO
talk hard-hearted innkeeper out Of a
dinner and a drink.
THE Rev. w. II. Horse Murray ex-
presses the belief that good horses go
to heaven. This is nag-ravating as
sertion
The Chicago Tribune says an appro-
pirate present TO n paragrapher is a
" fve-pun note" You may depend up
pun it.
POSITIVE, the lovers pat; compara-
tive, the marital spat; superlative, the
husbands "bat followed up by bill
for divorce
The valuation of Boston is $6S6, ,000,-
600, and it's total debt is four per cent. of
that amount.
Ir is proposed 10 celebrate at Pompeii
this summer the eighteen hundredth an
niversary of the destruction Of that city
by An eruption from Vesuvius.
WHEN is a school boy like a postage
stamp? When he gets himself licked,
and put in corner, TO make him stick
10 his letters.
IN trying TO wake up passenger, the
sleeping car conductor on Maine rail
road tugged so hard that the sleepy
mans leg came OIL IL was OF wood.
No less than seventy million bushels
Of grain we're used in the United States
last year in the manufacture Of iDtOxi-
eating liquors England consumed eighty
million for the same purposes.
The Householder's Association Of Ber-
lin, Germany, cooperative society,
employs chemist OF eminence In It's
laboratory 10 analyze the articlt sit sells,
20 that their quality may be guaranteed.
IN this country boy has too much to
fight. First, it's his mothers slipper;
next, Fourth Of July then green apples
and, finally, Santa Claus, a rickety pair
Of skates, and an airhole in the ice.
A CAEADIAN couple, en- route 10 Da-
kota 10 settle, weigh six hundred and
fourteen pOunds-the man three hun
dred and ten pounds and the wife three
hundred and four pounds let us hope
they will be careful what they settle on.