Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1879-12-28
BY MISS FANNIE HUD1BURa.

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1879
BY MISS FANNIE HUDIBURG.
It is. an old adage, that .'as the world
grows older, it grows wiser J" and if there
is anything it more ftly applies to. it is the
Modern Girl-that is, if you leave her to be
the Judge. The Modern Girl is the smart
est humsn being of the female sex on the
globe to-day; or, at least she thinks she is,
and that is equal to being true. She not
only thinks she is the most knowing being
in all animated nature, but she invariably
believes she is the prettiest object of all
created substances.
You show me Modern Girl who does
not think she is a beauty, and T will show
| you one on the spot who is insane. 1 am q
| friend to the Modern Girl, for I expect to
be one myself, sometime.
am sorry, for the sake of my sex am
sorry, that so many gene atoms of girls
have had to pass through the world, in Or
der that girls might reach perfection as
tney now have Yes the latter part of the
nineteenth century Fl DIS the Modern Girl
nearer the pinnacle of perfection than she
has TODD since o d grandmother Eve
piHheu Inc leaves toRekuor, put on Her nfst
new ess, and Hirted around old and
f ther Adam, jlst as though he WAS the
only man in the worl1 she could love.
Laughter There is nothing that she does
not know (unless it is great deal she
ought to know and it is frequently the case
that she = n VS. more about her nigh bors
th n herself, AID has rs much, or more, to
say about them
If you want TO see Modern Girl get up
\ L - -
Shape OF cork screw, laughter and
peut out her little lips just as though she
Was going to contract the whole of her
beautiful face intO one square inch of space,
just let hes Old plain grandmother or
bomely attired aunt come into the parlor
when her fellow" VINO wears a shirt
collar that sticks up before him like g
ends of mules ears above barn yard
fence. [laughterl a swsrthy moustache,
equal to about nine "n side, is around
| believe that majority of the present.
! lain, old-time grand mothers, and hope
they never may. Ii you want
to see Modern Girl sigh and
swoon, and have spasmodic pafoxysms.
just let her mama begin to tell her how
she used TO spin and weave and milk the
cows and COOK and help her mother. That
will not do howj no, that will not do now
uS M rueEH OlII Is TOO sulhFk W cOm0 10
that. Let it be Known that she can pre-
pare dinner or darn stocking, and she
would not catch a pumpkin headed fog for
J. beau in the whole country (Laughter.l
The girl of to-day is decided improve
ment on tie age. she knows more in ont
day than her grandmother and mother
ever knew. / would have liked to have
seen lii le snipe of a sixteen year old lad,
with his hair parted in the middle,
81 m
when she was young, and caught up the
train 0 her dress on one of his arms (they
Wore shorter dresses than the Modern Girl
and have Giro ed the other round he
waist and went waltziag and hopping her
around a ball. room liSe a revolving one
sided grindstone Laughter ] If he had
not got kettle of hot water tn own on
him 1t would have been because there was
no fire in the kitchen. Laa. liter
No Modern Girl who values her popular
ity in society, knows any thing about do
mestic homework; but if she unfortun-
steiy docs she Is always thoughtful enough
to deny it. In former days you rarely
heard of female graduate; ow the girl
of the period has thor ughly grad
uated by the time she has cleverly
through her slate and pencil.
Don't Love Thee" [laughter] on piano
or organ. AS soon as she graduates she is
ready to marry, or become al old maid, or
a school marin. But if she has her choice
she is sure to marry-if she can. The
Modern Girl never has but one reason for
not marrying, and that is because she
can't. The reason she is anxious to marry
is because she has such dreadful horror
of old maidhood. The girl of the period
thinks her salvation depends on mis-. ing
being an old maid. l believe her earthly
happiness does depend on it. for en- an
old maid takes notion TO marry
neither eats, drinks or sleeps mt | she has
horoughly courted every boy, bachelor
and widower she can lay her eyes on
Laughter.
The Modern Girls popularity is always
known by the number of beaux she has.
The most popular ones have from one to
five per day-some may have more and
some less. Girls in olden times never had
more than two or. three sweethearts in
lifs time; but the Modern Girl does not
consider that she has a surplus if she has
dozen on her list at the same time. The
more the merrier. She has her candy
beau, her driving beau. her ball room
beau, her Sunday night beau. &C., but
none so dear to her as the gateriding
beau. Laughter
They have other characteristics that ele.
waite then, far above the ge.erationss, of sis
stance, the Modern Gi may be called the
fastest girl that has ever lived in any age
but then, this is a ia age. Another thing;
she will keep up with the fashions, if she
has to sell the feathers out of her mama's
bed to do it, expect to see girls we ring
plug hats in less than SIX months. Laugh
ter l believ too. that the day is not far
distant when the Modern Girl will try to
wear every solitary hair on ber head for
bangs. A girl in these days without bangs
IS lre a cow without horns. [Laug hter.l
The girl of the period is more
active and energetic than our
mothers were. You en- not find
a girl in all the land VINO desires to keep
up with the time, ana who is at all anxious
to be seen. that would think of sitting still
in church five minutes at TINS. No; she
would be called drone il she did.
Another mark of well cultured Mod
ern Girl is that she will giggle every time
she hears any one sneeze or cough
laughter in church. If she did not gig
gle her associates would tell her she was
dull of comprehension. 1t has greatly
bsffied the judgment of the. closest and
wisest observers to decide why the Mod
ern Girl invariably has turned up nose.
It is now accounted for, on the ground that
It 4wxrl NJ f7A =