The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1879-11-25
JONATHAN'S STRATAGEM.
ffTHAT crltter loves me- 1hnow she


was running as Mr.. Shakspear said 1t
did-rather roughly. "If Suke Pea
body has taken shine to that gawky,
long g-shanked, stammerin', shy critter,
Gussett, just because he's city feller,
she amt the gal took her for, that's
sartain. No, it's the old folks, darn
their ugly picturs. Old Mrs. Peabody
was alters dreadful hifalutin' critter,
full of stuck up notions; and the old
mans regular softhead, driven by his
wife. But If don't spile his fun, my
name amt Jonathan. Pm going to the
city by railroad next week, and when 1
come back, I'll wake snakes-that's
ALL"
The above soliloquy may serve to give
the reader some idea of the lay of the
land in the pleasant rustic village where
the speaker resided.
Mr.. Jonathan Dobkins was young
farmer well-to-do in the world, and
looking out for a wife, and had been
paying his addresses TO Miss Susan Pea
body. One Mr.. Cornelius Gusset, who
kept dry goods shop in Hanover street
Boston, suddenly made his appearance
in the field and began the cutting out
game.
Dazzled with the prospect of becom-
ing gentleman's wife, and pestered
with the importantly of her aspiring
mamma, the village beauty began to
waver, when her old lover determined
on last and bold stroke to foil his rival.
He went to the city and returned; of
his business he said nothing--not even
to pumping old maiden aunt, who
kept house for him. He went not near
the Peabodys, but labored in his corn
field, awaiting the result of his machi-
nations.
The next day, Mr.. Gussett was seated
with the old folks and their daughter,
in the best room of Peabody's mansion,
chatting as pleasantly as possible, when
the door opened, and in rushed dirty
Irish woman.
" Is it there ye sit, Mr.. Cornelius Gus
EFT ? Come out of that before fetch ye,
ye spalpeen Is that what We promised
me before the praist, ye hathen, ye
nagerp Running away from me and
the childer--forsakin yer lawful welded
wife, and runnin' after the Yankee gals,
we infidel !"
"Woman, there must be some mistake
here" stammered Gussett, taken ali
aback by this charge.
"Divil bit of mistake, ye sarpint
Oh, wirra, wirra, was it for the likes of
we sacked little Dennis McCarty, who
loved the very ground 1 trod on, and all
because we promised to make lady of me,
We black, dirty thafe o. the world Will
We come on the railroad station, where l
left little Patrick, becase he was too sick
with the small pox to come any farther,
or will ye wait till drag yel''
"Go-go along; go, and I'll follow
you," gasped Gussett. He thought it
best to temporise.
"I'll give you ten minutes" said the
virago; {" if ye amt there, it's me cous-
in, Thaddy Magrundy, will be after ye,
ye thafel"
And away went the unbidden guest.
Mr.. Gusset was then engaged in
stammering out denial of all knowl-
edge of the virago, when the parlor door
again opened, and little, black-eyed,
hatchet- faced woman, in flashy silk
gown, and cap of many ribbons perch
upon the top of her head, invaded the
sanctity of the parlor.
"Is he here ?" she cried in a very
decided French accent.
Then she added with scream;
" "Ah mon Dieu zare he is Traitor,
monster Vat for you runs away from
me 4? Dis two, three years nevair see
you nevair, and my heart broke very
bad entirely"
"Who are you 2" cried Gusset, his
eyes starting out of his head, and shiver-
ing from head to foot.
Il" He asks me who am Oh you are
one very respectable gentleman-you
hear what he asks Who am 1 ?-perfide
1 am your wifel'
" 1 never saw you before so help me
God ~ cried Gussett energetically.
"Don't you swear!n said old Mr.. Pea
body; If you do, I'll kick you into fits.
Iwon't have any profane swearing in
my house."
"Oh, bless you, respectable old gentle
man Tell him he must come wiz me;
tell him l have spoke to re constable;
tell him" here sobs interrupted her
utterance.
"It's pesky bad business,n said the