Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-08-21
FUNNYGRAPHS.

~AOAAA AA~s
A DRUNKEN brawl may we'll be styled
a spirited contest.
The summer solstice is upon us; sum-
mer glad and summer sorry.-Cincinnati
Commercial.
IT amt 80 mulch what man kan lift,
as what he kan hang onto, that shows
hiz aktual strength.-Josh Billings.
SMITH, the tallow chandler, says life
at the summer resorts isn't worth its
standardization Transcript.
HEARING of sunstroke, st. Louis
jockey pronounced it dead heat. which
ought to be run over again.
TALLY one for Darwin. Monkeys
swim as men do, with the side stroke,
not "dog fashion" Philadelphia Sum.
ncr Item.
IT is a common remark that thing
we'll bought is half sold. Yes, boots we'll
bought are often half-soled.- Whitehall
7Snafs.
A MULES head does not contain Il
brain capable of culture and refined
rearing, but it is wonderful to what ex-
tent the other end of his form can be
reared.
AN Albany genius calls new sus-
pender which has been patented "The
Conscience Suspender." 1t owes its
name to its extreme elasticity.-AlJany
Journal.
SUBSCRIBERS are coming in at the
rate OF fifty per day." said an editor;
and the rival paper explained that they
were coming in to order their papers
stopped.
YOUNG man, take az much interest as
you please in young lady, but don't
touch the principal if you expect to live
long and enjoy black hair.-N Y. Et-
press.
In one of the principal French seaside
resorts a landlord has put this announce
ment on his house: "Villa to let during
the bathing season. The proprietor will
to come and play cards with
his tenants on rainy days"
A PAINTERS apprentice fell off a scat
fold, with pot of paint in each hand.
He was taken up insensible, but as soon
as he was restored to consciousness he
IL went down with flying
colors, anyhow"
A LITTLE girl, four years old, seeing
the moon one evening just as light
cloud was passing over it, said: go,
papa, guess the moon is crying; see, it
has just wiped its eyes with its handker-
chief"
CUsToMER-"W What did you think of
the bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr..
Wigsby?" Hairdresser-" Well, really,
sir, there was gent sittin' in front O.
me as 'ad his air parted that crooked
that l couldn't ear a word"
A MAN tell OverDOaru IrOuI DUuuu
steamer one day last week. He was
thrown straw and rope, and without
a moments hesitation caught at the
latter. Thus once more il venerable
proverb brought to grief.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin says:
"Talk about Cleopatra's Needle on the
banks of the Thames! Just wait till
James Gordon Bennett brings back the
north pole and sets it up in Central
park. What's the needle to the pole?"
A ToN1C.-Smallest boy: "Better
give in at onct, cos I'm bound to lick
yer" Small boy: "How dyer know
yer a-going to lick me?" Smallest boy:
!" Cos Pm stronger than you; I chew
tobacker and you DON'T"
WHEN a young fellow arrays himself
in his best clothes and on his way down
town is for the first time accosted by the
bootblacks with "shine yer boots," he
may consider that he has crossed the di-
viding line that separates boyhood from
manhood, and that is in order for him to
purchase meerschaum pipe.-Neao
Haven Register.
The game laws should be amended
some more. 1t is all right to impose a
fine for shooting game out OF season, but
what is wanted now is clause inserted
to enable man to shoot game and catch
fish in season. We have found it easy
enough not to shoot game ont of season.
To kill it in season is what bothers U.s.
N0rristown Herald.
A BAsBFUL young man could de1er
the momentous question no longer, 80
he stammered: "Martha, Lido you
you must have-are you aware that
the good book says-er, says that it is
not g-g.good that m-man should be
alone?" Then, hadn't you better run
home to your mother?" Martha coolly
suggested.
WANTED PRAcT1CE-A physician,
having duel on his hands, requested
two of his friends to arrange with his
adversary the hour of their meeting.
" Make it tomorrow" he says, " but not
in the forenoon, because l must visit
four patients before going to the ground"
&c see," murmurs one of the seconds;
che wants to get his hand in."
A GENTLEMAN in draper's shop had
the misfortune to tread on a lady's
skirt. She turned round, her face
flusned with anger, but seeing the gentle
man was a stranger, she smiled COM
placently, saying, II beg pardon, sir; |
was going to he in a dreadful passion. !
thou ght it was my husband."-french
Paper.
A TEACHER, endeavoring to familiar
ize little girl with the various countries
of the western hemisphere, with little
evidence of success, finally asked: eff
[ we're to bore hole through the earth,
and you were to 60 through at this end,
where would you come out?" "Come
out?" replied the child, "Why, I'd
come out Of the hole, Miss!"
"Hi, waiter, 1 say, this is paste.
board lobster you've brought us"
{" Pasteboard lobster? Yes, sir. You
see, sir, We have to keep Holsters in the
window, and in this hot weather they
would spoil, sir; 80 we have show lob:
sters made of pasteboard. But I will
get you a real lobster, sir, if you prefer
it." The If you prefer it" is in the
highest style of art
In Sunday school teacher was in
structing 4 juvenile class about the
word glutton. "Suppose," said she, {"
man should sit down to dinner and eat
as much as four persons-and then gel
up and 20 to restaurant and eat lot
more-then fill his pockets with cracker'
and cheese, and keep on eating. Wha'
would you call such person? The boy
who can answer please hold up hi
hand" Up went the hand of 6.year
old hov uWe'l vphat wonld Won cal