The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-05-15
simpsons Unfortunate Experience.

When met Simpson one day after
had been absent from the city several
months | noticed that he had depress-
ed look and that he wore a wig. !
asked him the reason for assuming a
wig, but he said, "Never you mind ~
and appeared to want to avoid the sub.
ject. When reached my Office asked
him in, and pressed him to tell me
what was the matter. Finally he con-
sented, and locking the door and pull
ing down the window blind, he said
"You know old Partridge, the Phre-
nologist?"
eyes"
"You know he has an awful pretty
daughter, Sally"
eyes"
"Well, sir, | was in love with that
girl, and thought she loved me. And
so, one day, l called at Partridge's s
place to kind of sound him to see If l
stood any chance. And the old man
you know, he was little reserved, but
he told me that any man who wanted to
get favor from him could do so by
permitting him to shave off his hair and
to map out his scalp. You know, he
wanted living subject to lecture from
instead of plaster bust"
"Well, you see ] was wild about his
daughter, so like an immortal idiot l
let him practice on me. He took off
every hair clean, and then got stick
of caustic and laid out nay scalpin town
lots, with picture in each reserva-
ton. just look at that! Isn't it infa-
nous ?"
Simpson removed his wig. His head
looked like gobular checker board with
frescos of the most amazing and hide
Gus character daubed into each square.
There was prize fight in progress
upon his bump of combativeness; two
black doves that looked like buzzards
were billing upon his bump ofamative-
ness; grimy angel, with parasolS
for wings, stood on his veneration
bump; and on his bump of philo-
progenitiveness there was what ap-
peared to be comic picture of "ten
little Indians standing in line" 1t
was the most startling spectacle ! ever
beheld, and said to Simpson
cold fellow, l pity you'll"
"Pity mel Humph! Why, blame
it, man, do you know that those fres-
Goes will never come Off Carry 'em
to my grave, just as they are. And
then, you know Partridge wasn't satis-
fled with that. He said that my bump
of acquisitiveness was great deal too
small. And when i asked him what
he was going to do about it, he said it
must be swelled up somehow. He said
If he ever had a son-in-law 1t must be a
man whose acquisitiveness was strong,
So that fetched me, and | told HIM to
go ahead. He first proposed saving
out square inch of my skull and set
ting in bump that would about meet
his views; but 1 was little shy, you
know, and so he said he could either
cnp me like the man in Marryatt's nov
ell, or else work me up some sort of a
bump by hydraulic pressure,:o :or suction'
or something"
Cd he do itP"
"Well, all know is that was kept
in that office for four nights and three
days with bucket on my head, put
there to hold the machinery down
and that was so delerlous most of the
time that he had TO strap me to book
case. When came to, found that
had bump over my ear as large as a
four cent loaf of bread, and old Part
ridge, you know, was standing there
exclaiming, 'Splendidl Splendid! ! and
decorating 1t with caricature In caus-
tic of miser grasplng bag of gold