Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-05-14
IIulllOl'.


Truth is stranger than fiction, for
there is less of it.
When a proud man is rolling out an
ash barrel, ahorse-car loaded with fash
ionable ladies generally passes by
Uncle Sam.
The man who originated the saying.
"Hurry is the mark of weak mind"
never was chased by bulldog. Brad
ford Era.
Japanese farms average about one
acre each in size, and it doesn't take
forever to hunt up the COWS in the pas
ture.-New Hdver Register.
Judge: "Have you anything to offer
to the court before sentence, is passed on
your Prisoner; "No, Judge, [ had
$40, but my lawyers took that"
Miss Penny was saved from drowning
by Jonathan Smith. In equity she be-
longs to Smith from this time hereafter
because a Penny saved is aPenny
earned. Toledo Commercial. ..| J.. j
A correspondent asks: "What is
bat?" A bat, my friend, is that part of
brick which will encourage your
neighbours hens to vacate the bed Of
peas which you have just planted
Waterloo Observer. o. s 'l& Isl s-s=
1t is now said by scientific authority
that sleep commences in the feet and
extends to the head. Possibly the Gus
tom of sitting with the feet toward the
pulpit may have something to do with it.
Turner's FdKs Reporter.
A lawyer endeavored to browbeat a
witness by telling him that he saw
rogue In his face. II never knew be-
fore" said the witness, "that my face
was looking-glass.
A lady engaged to be married, and
getting sick of her bargain. applied to a
friend to help her unite the knot before
it was too late. ooh, certainly" she re-
piled, cit is very easy to unite it now,
while it is only a beau knot"
It's funny, but a soft-palmed woman
can pass a hot plate to her neighbor at
the table with smile as sweet as dis
titled honey, while a man with a hand
as horny as a crockodile's back, will
drop it to the floor and howl around
like Sioux Indian at a scalp dance.
Old bus-driver: 'Now, there's lot o.
nice girls in this 'ouse ERE O. the off side.
sir. Their ma dresses 'em out, their pa
drives 'em out, and [ brings 'em down
young men Of Sunday, you see; and
yet they don't seem to 20 off, some
how W-Pu,ach. Sce.
The following is told of a young gen.
tleman who was passing an examina-
ton in physics: He was asked, "What
planets were known to the ancients?"
"Well, SIR" he responded, "there were
Venus and Jupiter, and" ---after q pause
Il think the Earth, but Pm not quite
certain nr "a. ~ s ii
BEAUTIFUL SPRING. .t#
In one month more We'll have the rose,
20 or love true reminder; -
And, be 1t said, Wen also have
The festive organ grinder ~
With monkey attachment.
--NeW York Star.
A lady named Mary Magu1-ah re 20
Had trouble in lighting her fi-ah see
III The wood being green, go Vs~la
She used Kerosene
(PauSe. Then continue sOemnly):
She has gone wheIe the fuel is driah.
Mike was asked if he believed in Sec
ond love. "Faith an I do" said he.
=" If you have pound of sugar, isn't it
swate? And when that's gone don't
you want another, and isn't that sWate,
tOO?" ~.... H. .
For month, now, we advise all good
and peaceable husbands to supply
themselves with excellent cigars, and
spend as little time as possible in their
homes Let them beware of stirring up
the female temper; let them cease to
use authority in their households; let
them take their meals occasionally out
side; if they wish to rise high in female
honor, let them graciously assist at
the graet work of renovation.-Bosto1o
Herald. @s1s@ - s ~
Oh, the tickle springtime weather,
When man is puzzled whether
By the feeling of his pulse, ter
60 = Wear his buster or his ulster.
If he goes without umbrella 80" '@t '-
&c q re 1t is sure to Wet Teller;
- ~ 1.-The thinks he'll have to use it, .!- -e
eli He will set it down and lose it.
Springfield Union
The Rev. Mr.. Jasper, of Richmond,
Va, who pins his faith on the notion
that "the sun do move," called on
Brother scogin to open last Sunday
evenings service with prayer, and he
did so, as follows: 20 Lord, we's a
mighty abused people; we's had hard
time in slavery; we's been all broken to
pieces; we's bow-lesged, knock-kneed,
bandy-shanked, cross-eyed, and great
many of us is hump-backed. Now,
Lord, we want to be mended up, and we
wants you to come an do it. Don't
send an angel, for dis is too big a job
for an angel. You made us, 0 Lord, an
you know our wants. an you can fix
us up as nobody else can. Come right
down yourself, and come quick"
lee 80 An Old stanza. % IS
N, Saturday Magazine.
Some one was asking the other day
where to find some lines beginning: