Little Falls transcript., 1879-07-24
DOWN-EAST WIT AND HJJMOR.


the oyster. 1t is the fools oniy who are
serious. Gravity is often the very essence
OF imposture. Gravity of dcmeahor is no
test OF mental capacity. There are people
who think they are pious wien they are
bilious. Most Of yoti can call to hind
persons who never make an attempt at
mlrth. l have some as invinc1ble as the
Ola lady at Concord: "Havc you given
electricity a trial for your complaint,
madame" asked the minister, as he took
tea with the old lady. "Electricity?"
said she. "Well, yes, reckon have. I
was struck by lightning last summer and
hove out of the window, but it didn't
seem to do me no sort of good.
On the morning after the first delivery
OF this lecture in Massachusetts town the
driver who was taken me to the station
said to me: "That was pretty tol'rable
good what you gave 'em up to the hall
last night. [ haven't seen nobody that
didn't like it but old Deacon Fry, and he
never likes nothing. He said It might
be well enough for lii ight minded folks,
but he Thought there was parts OH it
dreadful shallow The principle of
mirth is not a deep one, but it is as in
nate in the mind as an other original
faculty we possess. More sayings and
incidents provocative of true mirth can
be found nowhere than in our Nothern
states ON all sdhjects. We are apt to find
only what we look for, and this peculiar
wit often has to be explained to people
IN good set terms.
| once heard man cnquired of in a
shop as to the health of his wife.
ooh, well, said he, "shc's pretty poor
ly;she don't seem to get no better at all.
She has been sick about seven wears, now,
and the doctors don't appear to know
what to make Of it; but she kind o. hangs
along and it is a great trial, declare, 1
| 10 wish she'd get well, or or-something -
But the other party gtavely acqtiesced,
and neither OF them saw anything fttnny
in it.
Frequently the speaker has no adc-
quate conception Of the force Of his own
remarks. "l'm kept so busy with this
| big estate my brother left me-" said a
sharp Yankee lawyer, II declare, some
times almost wish John hadn't died" /
remembe having read, in letter from a
tourist IN our northwestern states des-
cription of the difficulty of shooting the
rapids Of one of our northern rivers and
the slow process Of polling up stream
again. Two of the settlers undertook to
dispense with the usual boatmcn; the
boat was upset, and the two adventures
were swept rapidly down the river A
tall, gaunt shupkeeper ran down the pier,
crying, "Save the red-headcd one Fot
| cal fho +bo i
head!" This started the people to work,
and they saved him. The tall, gaunt man
waited to see that Life was not quite ex-
tinct, and then turned away with the re-
mark, III wouldn't have had that man
drowned for considerable. He owes
EN- sixteen dollars" "Well, there's
something in that said one Of the boy
ISLANDERS. II expect man don't know
how valuable he is IN this world till he
owes somebody some money. Then folks
wants to know where he's goin'' A stage
driver in the white mountains, when ask,
ed what he thought of the Notch, replied
"Well, l was born around here, you know
and don't mind it so much But if l
should &c down to New York, 1 reckon
likely I'd gawk around considerable my
SELF Violent contrasts are common to
both wit and humor. None of the more
acute writers on mirth vary much from
this idea. The most exhaustive defni-
ton has been given by DR.. Barrow: some
times the wit Of a thing licth in the pat
allusion to a known story sometimes it is
wrapped up i'll dress Of humorous express
sion; sometimes couched in bold form
OF speech or in acute nonsense sometimes
in affected simplicity; sometimes from a
crafty resting, but oftencr from-onc
hardly knows what" But we may get a
more distinct idea from the remark of
Hazlitt; Man is the only animal in the
world who laughs, because he is the only
one who can sec the difference between
things as they arc and things as he knows
they ought to be- During the existence
of the Dorr rebellion in Rhode Island, the
leader of the insurgents drew up his men
on the summit of a bill near Providence.
Pointing to the advancing troops, he said
"Yondcr, my men, comes the enemy;
the aristocrats, who would rob you of
your sulfrages. Fight 'cm to the laat
gasp, and, if you have to retreat, do it
with your face to tho foe, selling your
life dearly at every step you take; and
Gas the troops came Dearcr) as I'm a little
lame, guess I'll start now"
| When the charming Sidney Smith
complained to Yorkshire lad y that it
was SO hot he wished he could take of
his flesh and sit in his bones, VIC detect
the same principle. A small boy was
hoeing corn i'll a sterile field by the road
side when a passer by stopped and said
,,Pcars to me your corn is rather small
"Ccrtainly," said the boy, 'it:s dwarf
corn" But it looks as if you wouldn't
get more than half a crop' "Of course
not, said the boy: "wc planted hcl on
shares" In Ca pc Cod village, some
years ago, there lived a very argumcnta-
tive schoolmaster. One day he opened
an attack upon a travelling salesman, an
Englishman, telling him that our folks
could click" his folks, easy. "Ah, yes,
said the Englishman, "but how was it at
the battle of Long Island-Brooklyn
Heights-how was it thcrc?" COB, yes,
remember that now you speak of it,
replied the schoolmastcr. ''That WASN'T
ofaccount. Somehow, onr folks didn't
appear to take no sort Of interest in that
scrimmage!' A boy who was too lazy
to work on a farm was asked by his faith
er what kind Of business he would like
to go into. The boys said he thought he
!: would like to go into counting room in
Boston, for he thought it would take
a long time to find him
a place, and, meanwhile, he
could remain idle. So they sent for the
schoolmaster to see what the hoy knew
about arithmetic. "Tell me-" said the
schoolmastcr chow much would 8 1-2
pounds Of beef cost at 10 cents a
pound?" s"That's hard one to do," said
the boy, "wlth two halves in 1t. Couldn t
you make one of 'em t,n?" Every
we'll" said the schoolmaster; ''then tell
us what ten pounds of beef would cost
at Z 10 cents pound?'' The boy was in
a quandary. He had no idea of the null
tiplication table, but he was a Yankee
boy and he got out Of the scrape. "Scven
cents and a half a pound" said he;
''pshaw! that's nonsense. You can't buy
no kind of beef for 1-2 cents pound -
Another Yankee boy invented a flying
| M achinp hit Eent ovcrut}inr cocrot and