The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1879-10-17
TABLE ETfcsETTE
aule. rhas should Always be os.sr,sa

Numerous applications having been
male asking uy to iix set Of rules for
table etiquette, NC accordingly respond
with pleasure.
!. IL is proper to place your napkin
so that the gravy may nd fall on your
shirt-front. When yotl are through yoii
can ram it down between your slliris,
and, IL nobody is looking, yoa win :
napkin.
2. On no consideration wipe your
nose on your napkin. The tatse-cloth
was made for this purpose.
5. It il not considered proper 10
place your butter on ole side Of tie
plate Ii small plates are not provided
wipe yo0r knife off 0n yenr head.
What Is left wiIl do for hair oil.
4. Eat only with your fork. N.ser
place your knife III yotar mouth. We
knew man wlo once cut bis mouth
around 70 uI,ere lie parted his hair By
violating this rule
8. Neser pour yeaT Tea int. tbs
saucer L spoils il, and, besides, s1ine-
body may steal il when you're not
looking. WcIl.inade tea is very en-
eryating drink, bat most women make
water, and very weak water at that,
and it is additionally weakened by pour
ing it into the SANGER
6. II You get piece of bot meat
in your mouth, do not spit 1t in your
plate. Take il in your hand and slide
it down your neighbor's back If he
objects, punch him in the nose.
Z. In sitting down ON your chair
make believe somebody has placed 3
pin on it. Then you can jump, yell
and kick half the dishes off the table.
This produces Il very liue efIecs-you
are pitied, and can eat your dinner III
peace, as al: the children are generally
spanked and sent to bed for putting the
| pin where IL wasn't.
| 8. Don't mistake the contents Of
the inger-glasses for l.inorsa.ls: nl,iess
you first put sugar in il.
9. If YOU get inoatlsfui Of hot tea
squirt it through ,onr teeth, and then
teh the company that that's the way
that they sprinkle clothes in the Chi
nese laundrics. Tney viii then think
that you have traveied-and probably
wish that You may do 80 some more.
10. If it is warm ask the prettiest
young lady at the table il she sweats-
Under no circumstances use the word
fperspire." If sbe bushes tell her her
face looks like raw ham. This will
make the rest Of the lasoids laugh, sod
you will save dentists bill.
II. If anybody gets off joke, say:
HThat's as old as the butter" Tits viii
save the expense Of q porter.
i II. Ask the hall-heasied man Of the
company if he was spun on bis head for
drinks when he was little la the alb
sence Of a bald-headed man turn the
attention of all present 70 the tooslaiess
old woman by telling her that q. cap
get her q job in the postofsice cumming
stamps, or IN drug store biting iIoiea
. in porous plasters.
Is. If your head itches, put on 4
troubled look, and scratch your bead
| thoughtfully. If anybody asks you
/ what you are thinking of, say BUGS
lin capital letter~) This Is sune to ere
, ate laugh.
Il. When yon pass piate lilies
with meat, gravy and potatoes, drop il
Just as the other party reaches for il
: Then apologize by saying you thought
they "had their grip OK II" Yer,
! funny effect.
Readers who carefully follow thes,
rules viii gain the respect of their fel
low-men, and die happy-tbongh per
baps very young.