Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-09-03
FUNNYGRAPHS.
A COZ D spell-I.c.e

A COZ D spell-I.c-e.
WHItE-WAsHERs- laundresses.
RICH miner-I did not know it was
loded.-New York Herald.
MUZzLING neckties are much worn in
the dog days.-New Orleans Picavuue.
NO tenor singer should live in glass
house. He throws tones.--Atlonto Con-
stituti0n.
WHITE sand can be obtained at the
seashore, but if you want your Sand
dusky you must go to Ohio.
DoN'T be ambitious to drive four-in-
hand. Life, you know, is but span.-
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"HAvE you mother-in-law? asked
a man OF disconsolate looking person.
No." he replied, " but I've father in
Jail"
LITTLE things are often important.
What would a fortycent cigar amount
to if you had no match ?-New York
Star.
BRASS is an alloy Of copper, though
many man shows plentiful supply of
brass with never a copper in his pocket.
Boston Transcript.
A TRAMP applied to a physician for
work. The M. D. asked, a can't give
you any work; what can you do?"
Dig graves" was the grim reply.
LEMONS alone paid $56O,oOO duty into
the United States treasury last year.
That the kind of lemon aid the govern
ment finances get.
THE man who got into barber chair,
pinned the newspaper round his neck
and began to read the towel may Justly
be called absent-minded.
SUNDAY school teacher: "You must
recollect that all l am telling you bap-
pened one thousand eight hundred and
seventy-nine years ago." Pupil:
" Lor', miss, how the time do slip away!"
IT is said that nothing succeeds like
success. Just put boy in conjunction
with ripe watermelon, and if he don't
suck seed more than success we miss our
guess.-Marothon Independent.
AN editor being asked "Do hogs pay?"
says great many does not. They take
the paper several years and then have
the postmaster send it back marked
refused" -Bosto1 Post.
The bee is an arrant coward. He
always turns his back to the foe.- Boston
Transcript A mule does the same thing,
but a man daren't stand at his back and
tell him he'sa coward.-OI City Derrick.
UPRIGHT Legislator" What, sirI
You take me for one who can be bribed?
You insult my sense of honor. But in
case | really was such a man, how much
would you give?"
The New York Eapress complains of
the thickness of last years ice crop, but
out this way they can hammer up
enough to fill a lemonade glass four
ffths of the way up in about three Sec
onds.
"WHAT does limo mean? asked a
pupil of her teacher, a few days since.
limo? Why, don't you know what
that means? 1t means the same as d5c
weow1y. Haven't you seen it in adyer-
tisements in a newspaper? "-Osuego
Times.
A GENTLEMAN learned in the origin
of social customs was asked the meaning
of casting an old shoe after a newly
married couple, as they start on their
trip. He said: "To indicate that the
chances of matrimony are very slip
perry"
A sIMPLE-MINDED country woman ap-
piled at one Of the stations on Scotch
line for ticket for Glasgow. Said the
spruce clerk, Return or single?'
& Ma, na," replied the worthy woman,
" name O yer singles here. I'm mar
ried woman"
REFLECTIONS of practical man: We
are going to have bad year. I must
undergo some hardships and make some
sacrifices. First: I will lower my SER
wants wages. Second: | will give no
more tips to the walters at my club.
Third: | will get invited out to dinner
as often as possible. "-Paris Figaro.
A CHICAGO man who is travelling in
France stood the hotel bills so long as
the only items when he rang for tum
bier of ice water were as follows:
To one glass ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. fr. SOC
OI...". zoe
1CS....-. II. UUC
Water..........., .................1 1r. Ioc
LO, the poor printer, sitting on his
STOOL J:ocono hath S1y1v with His rtiob