The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-03-01

er of the republican party. The large number o.
men claiming to be its father will now materially
lessen.
Mr.. Bruce, the coored senator, was called up
on to occupy the speakers chair in congress The
other day ape world do move"
An exchange says sptefully; "Thc piece Of
poetry from Colchester entitled Lager Beer is
declined If the beer down there is no better
than the poetry We don't want to drink it,"
"a Womau'a Mistake is - new French novel
We haven't read it, says the wicked Burdcitc but
are willing TO stake weeks salary that her mis-
take wasn't in getting her boots size too large
for her.
notice in a newspaper Of q steamboat eXpl0-
sion ends as follows: "Thc captain swan ashore.
So did the chambcrmald she was insured for
$4,000, and loaded with iron"
London SDoriinq Times: brilliant aud impul-
siye people," said lecturer on physiognomy,
''have black eyes; or, if they don't have ZEN,
they're apt to get 'cm If they are too brilliant
and too mpulsye.'
Phoebe Couzns is going to lecture on "Somc
about the old woman, bat Judging from her pho
tographs, she was mighty cheap woman to
keep.--Er.
He was sitting by the fire,
With Marier,
And toward her every moment he
Drew higher,
Till her char did intcrpOse,
When he kissed her on the nose
They'll be married when this sloppy
Wpathcrg DRYER
There /. IL man in the woods of West Virginia
who has been fugitive there ever since he was
drafted in 1868. He cannot be persuaded that
The war is oycr.-lSt Louis Republican. If he had
Mt turned up lately at Springfield we should sus.
pect that to be John A. Logan.
Up on the Canada border 1t is alleged that a
bhrcwd Vcrmontcr lures farmers 10 bring him
butter from the Dominion, offering fancy price
therefor and then as soon rs they have crossed
the line informs on them and brings about the
conhscaton Of butter and vehicle.
A new theological question has been sprung
by colorcd divine up in New Haven. He want
ed communion wine, and when asked by the
dealer what kind, he answered that "Somc oh de
ladies Oh de congregation had desired prefer
encc for yin. Courier Journal
They have new play in rehearsal for iioocy's,
The "amuscmcnts" man Of the Iatcr.O. raves over
it, ooh! it is most touching! In the last scene
Randolph and Barney are led forth 10 die. DR..
Pepper interlcres to protect them, but is thrust
back. At the last moment Dolores appears,
wraps the American flag around the knccling
forms Of the condemned men, and dares the
Mexicans to fire on that flag Oh! it is grand
and splendid dcuoucmcnt."
HOW To UsE \ Pan.
Amelia waved her fan with gcc,
And, being in playful mood,
She gave the airy toy TO me,
And babe me hirt il If could.
The pleasing toll quick began,
But jealous pangs my bosom hurt;
MADAM, cannot ftirt II fan
But with your leave I'll fan hirt'
Saturday Ndg0zim.
New York ministers are moving TO bust the
Oneida community by legislation. The commu-
nifty has 800 members, s5OO,0oO in property and
plenty Of business, 50 they keep stiff upper lip,
and don't scare worth cent. They mind their
own affairs, and pay their bills with aggrayating
exactncss, but the swapping" around among
The two sexes is what outsiders kick At,
Nancy Wa-pa-coona is an Indian maiden Of the
Mann tribe, living near Wabash, Ind She de-
sired white husband. and advertised for one,
limiting that the accepted man would get com
Portable home by marrying her John Madison
Hazelton, 90 years old, exceedingly tall and lean,
with his nose awry by means of breakagc, and
very lame in one leg, presented himself at Nan.
eye dwelling As n candidate. She said not Il
word, but drove him out with club.
An unsOphisticated Mississippian, who wanted
couple Of postal routes, sent on 81 It's an in
ducement to secure the control, promising to pay
the same amount yearly. at is gratifying" say.
the Philadelphia Times, 'to every citizen who
loves purity in the administration of his govern
ment to know that this mans 81 were indignant
~ returned. Postal routes are not sold for 3
apiece in this country, if the times are hard"
Editors in the ordinary routine Of their calm.
are occasionally required 10 tell some prett,
tough stories, and a proper esprit du corps sci
dom permits Us TO question their yeracity; bu
when the editor Of patent inside newspaper
like Fletcher. Of the Morris Herald, reeklessl
adyertises that he has lost his pocket book con
tanning iifty-seven dollars We cannot refrain iron
rcmarking that when reliable witnesses are unde
oath they never talk In that way.