Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1879-12-02
HUMOR.


Spiccr looks upon new cemetery as
fine field for physician.
A man is apt to see his way through a
beer glass darkly.
Civil service reform covers n multi
tude Of sins,
Ewes fall costume was out Of season
for Il garden party.
The stranger needs some visible means
of support to keep from being arrested,
-Picayuae.
A young lady attending balls and par
ties should have a female chapcronc un-
I'll she is able to call some other chap her
own.
The easiest window gardening is done
by sitting in the Window aud directing
the mau who is digging in the garden,
The prize Of wine is variable, accord
ing to the label ON the bottle, notwi'h-
standing one label can be printed as
chcaply Ms anothcr.--PicayG
30, You stupid! The quotation, ALE
lies like Il warrior was not intended as
reflection uu the yemclly Of SIR John
Moore. -Pbaulciphia Belisia.
A Western Judge has discovered that
the sale of unsound eggs cuuuot be pre-
vented bccau.c they are not meat, aud
do not come within the proyi ions Of the
statutes.
The result In New York might have
been different If Mr.. Guilimme Henri
uurlburt, lhe lcrrapn tanner of the
World, had not been so busy laying IN
his winter supply Of Egyptian obclisks,
Baltimore Gdsoite.
1T said that etiquette does not re
quirc gentleman to furnish postage
stamps when he requests her to CORE
spond with him. Etiquette Is always
on the safe side when 1t comes to spend
ing three cent piocc.--Pic.
The tramp law, under which II man
can be arrested for asking for food and
clothing at the doors of houses, does not
work well IN New Hampshire. The
trmps carry printed cards on which
their wanT are stated these they eXhib-
1t and by 80 doing cyade the law. The
Granite State people should amend their
law 50 M to make II u criminal olense
In mmlstakablo terms, for man to look
hungry.
Last week u tenant entered the office
of u Tlpperary land agent, and throw
Ing roll Of notes on the table cXclam-
ed;
"rhere's iy-ry penny ! have In the
world. IT'S q half n years rint, and yc
may take It or lave it-av yc take It III
20 to the workhousc; Nv ye leave It IN
20 TO America on IT,"
The agent opened the roll Of notes and
counted the money. "Why my good
mdr, there Is more than q half u years
rent here. There Is over four years
rent IN the bundle."
"rhc devil there Isl" cried the tenant
putting his hand In his pocket; "bcgor
gov you The wrong bundle of notes ar-
ter ALL"
Several young men were sitting to-
gcthcr and young lady happened TO
approach the vicinity. one real sweet
young fellow seeing, as he supposed, the
young lady looking at him, remarked
playfully aud wllha becoming shipper,
"Wcll Miss ---- you needn't look at me
as though YOU wanted to eat inc." "Oh
no, sweelly replied the young lady, ~
never eat grccns".-Cd Chy Derrick.
lfCourtney and llanlou do not quiet
down, why Wouldn't il be a good thing
to take them out about six miles from
shore and throw them into the water
They would naturally put IN some Of
their "biggest licks" for dry land, and
the public would ai last have u race from
lhem. and then after they rot ashore
they would be too tired TO talk for n
month. aud that would be- something TO
be grateful for,--Bwihgion Hdletege.