The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-10-31
SHEAR NONSENSE.

SHEAR NONSENSE.
A. recalcitrant youth confidentially
suggests that all accidents resulting from
misplaced switches do not get into the
papers.
A mosquito alighted upon the cheek of
book agent the other night, but
dropped off Immediately and has been
lame ever since.
We know man who was inspired with
desire to perform noble deed by read
ing Joaquin Miller's poetry. He got his
shotgun and dog and went out to look
| for Joaquin.
At the close of the sermon the minis
ter became impressive. Raising his voice
he said: Judgment! Judgment" and
small boy near the vestibule door shout
ed, "Out on the first"
This is the time of the year at which
the sentimental youth names a row-boat
after his girl, and has it painted green.
''Throw physic to the dogs" Yes, and
get arrested for killing valuable animal.
We don't see it, thank you.
It was at Nantucket On the way up
from the boat one of the party asked the
driver. ''Do they play 'Pinafore' here?"
''Guess not," answered the benighted
islander, with a puzzled look; "but they
play billiards.
Before getting their hair cropped short,
people would do well to cut the following
paragraph out and paste it in their hats:
''The coolest ground in summer is found
under tall the grass, and not on the cropp-
ed lawn
Sailor bathing off the shore near Cher
bourg, and with the water up to his chin
-"What are these things I feel at the
bottom with my feet?" A marine from
ventor is trying some experiments with
torpedoes." The feelings of the aquatic
can better be imagined than described.
ssWhat would you fellows give if you
had voice like mine?" asked man who
had just been bowling an air from ''Le
Petit Due" to crowd. "Give it a rest.
responded four men simultaneously. He
did.
A lady in London got the idea into her
head that the devil was into her, and
hung herself, If women go hanging
themselves for little while like that,
they're going to be scarce, that's all.
The Watertown Dispatch says that an
editorial room is not properly furnished
without good dictionary. That article
| of furniture does come in handy to
hurl at exchange tramps, agents and
poets of the spring time.
THE EMpERoR's DINNER.-The En-
peror Francis Joseph of Austria, is
certainly a generous host He gave
a dinner the other day to Prince
Nikita of Montenegro, and when it
was over escorted his guests out into
the park surrounding the palace. AS
they stood there smoking, beauti-
| full landau, drawn by an equally
beautiful pair of horses, swept up
the avenue. The Prince observed
that the harness and panel bore the
arms of Montenegro, whereupon the
Emperor turned and informed bis
guest that the carriage and horses
were intended as surprise for him,
and begged him to accept them as
souvenir Of his visit to Vienna.
With sparkling eyes the Prince
thanked his host. The dinner which
this episode succeeded was pic
turesque one; the service was of
solid gold, the center-pieces being
well-known antique works of art.
Prince Nikita wore gorgeous Mon
tenegrin dress and was quite formid-
able from the small arsenal of knives,
daggers, and chased pistols stuck in
the belt. The meal itself barely
lasted half an hour, few dishes being
the fashion at an Austrian court
dinner-but each dish is master
piece.