Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1879-11-27

Mark Twain's Speech at the
Banquet Of the Array Of the
Tennessee. iss lame $50 1h&

Mark Twain's Speech at the
Banquet Of the Array Of the
Tennessee. tss liams $50 ja@il
~ y.n: .4tr.g 7af
The humorous speech of the even
ing wasEmade by Samuel l.. Clemens,
otherwise Mark Twain, >" in response
to the novel sentiment of ssThe Ba-
bies .'lI saDal = ssaE 5dl ~ h.1
''Fhe Babies.'' AS they comfort
US in our sorrows, let us not forget
them in our festivities. 3H Laughter.
j like that IsfWe haVen't all had the
good fortune to be ladies' laughter
we haven't all been, generals, or
poets, or statesmen, but when ahe
toast works down to the 'sBahies,''
we stand on common ground, for
we've all been there-been babies.
daughter and applause. 1t is a
shame that, for a Thousand years, the
worlds banquets have utterly ignored
the baby, as if he didn't amount to
anything. IF you gentlemen will stop
and think for minute-if you will
go back fifty or one hundred. years 10
your early married life-liaughterl T.
and recontemplate your first baby,
you will remember that he amounted
to good deal, and even something
over. You soldiers all know that
when that little fellow arrived at fam
lily headquarters you had to hand in
your resignation. Laughter. He
took entire command. You became
his lackey, his mere body-servant, and
k.a roU HAD TO STAND AROUND,
too. He was not commander who
made allowance for time, distance,
weather, or anything else-you had
to execute his order, whether it was
possible or not. Laughter. st
And there was only one form of
marching in his manual of tactics,
and that was the double-quick. He
treated you with every sort of inso-
lence, and disrespect, and the bravest
of you didn't dare to say word.
You could face the death-storm of
Donelson and Vicksburg, and give
back blow for blow-fapplause -
but when ne clawed your whiskers,
and pulled your hair, and twisted
your nose, you had to take it.
Laughter. When the thunders of
war were sounding in your ears, you
set your face toward the batteries,
and advanced with steady tread; buG
when he turned on the terrors of his
war-whoops, you advanced in the other
direction laughter mighty glad
of the chance, too. When he called
for soothing syrup, did you venture
to throw out
ANY sfDE-REMARKs
about certain services being unbe-
coming an officer and gentleman
Laughter. No! You got up and
got it. If he ordered his pop-bottle,
and it wasn't warm, did you talk
back? No! You went to work and
warmed it. You even descended 90
far in your menial office as to tako O
suck at that warm, insipid stuff your
self, to see if it was right-three parts
water to one of milk, touch of Gu
gar to modify the collie, and a drop
of peppermint to kill those immortal
hiccoughs. l can taste it yet. Roars
of laughter.
And how many things you learned,
as you went along. Sentimental
!, young folk still took stock in thai
beautiful old saying, that when the
baby smiles in his sleep it is because
the angels are whispering to him
Very pretty, but ''too thin. %
Laughter. Simply wind cn the
stomach, my friends! If the baby
proposed to take walk at his usua
hour-2:3O in the morning-didn't
you rise up promptly and remark,
with mental addition which wouldn't
. improve Sunday-school book much
that that was the very thing you were
about to propose yourself Roars.
Oh, you were under good discipline
And as you went futtering up ane
down the room in your ''undress uni.
. FORM" you not oaly prattled undig
nified baby-talk, but you turned VI
, your martial voice and tried to sing,
"Rock-a-by, baby, in the tree-top,'
, for instance. What a spectacle for al
, Army of the Tennessee! Roars o
, laughter. What an aflction for ths
, neighbors, too; for it isn't everybody
, within q mile around that likes mill
| tary music at 8 in the morning. AnC
4 when you had been keeping this sor
! ofthing ap two or three hours aut
: your little velyet-head intimated tha
nothing suited him like exercise aHt
!, noise-''2o on what did you do
: - You SIMPLY WENT ON, 10 .
till you dropped in the last ditch
a rGreat iaughter.] The idea the bab,
doesn't amount to anything! Why
, one baby Is just house and a front
: yard full by itself; one baby can fur
: nish more business than you and you
5 whole Interior Department can attend
? to; he is enterprising, irrepressibie
; brimful of lawless activities; do wha
8 you please, you can't make him stay
on the reservation. Prolonged. laugh
teri Sufficient unto the day is on
8tbaby. AS long as you are in YOU
. fright mind don't you ever pray fol
TWINS. [Roars ofiaughter and blusheI
by Gen. Sheridan, TwIns amoun
: to d permanent riot, and there ain
! any real differences. between triplett
and an insufrection. Laughter. Yes
= it was high time for toast-master tt
!, recognize the importance of tn
sBabies." Think what is in store 70
f-ss lie. F5..,2 g3TTtNaZE g8F- IT..
q THE PRESENT CROP. E nt
Fifty years hence we shall all b
; dead-I trust-and then this flag,
1t still surviye-and let us hope i
y may will be floating over republi
Numbering 200, 900, 600 souls, accord
! ing to the settled laws of our increase
ous present schooner q of state vii
have grown into q political oleviathal