St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-03-28
Squibs.

Greeley, Colorado, has sign boards
on its principal streets reading Given
ty-one miles to the nearest saloon"
"Always pay as you CO." said an old
man to his nephew. "But, uncle, sup
pose haven't anything to pay with ?"
'Then don't CO."
"The empress of Brazil has presented
the empress of India with a spider-web
dress. ss."-DetrOit Free Press. That's too
thin.-ChicagO Tribune.
A countryman who had never paid
more than 25 cents to see an exhibition,
went to view the ''Forty Thieves"
The ticket-seller charged him rs cents
for ticket. Passing the pasteboard
back, he quietly remarked: keep it,
mister, | don't want to see the other
&c." and out he marched.
A little three-years-old in town, who
observed her grandfather writing a
postal card, requested that she might
be allowed to write a letter. Upon
being asked if postal card wouldn't
answer her purpose, she replied, ''NO
sir l want paper and 'velope; don't
want my letter to go bareheaded like
'urs !'- Waterloo Observer.
A certain lawyer was compelled to
apologize to the court. With stately
dignity he rose in his place and said:
'Your Honor is right and am wrong,
as your Honor generally is" There
was dazed look in the Judges eye,
and he hardly knew whether to feel
happy or fine the lawer for contempt of
court.
A pet lamb ate up his mistress pail
of yeast in Iowa the other day, and
when the stuff in him began to get
upon its hind feet it liked to have lifted
the little sleeps lid off.-Chicago Jour
nal.
BOisen's comet is now on its way
toward the earth and less than 123,-
0O0, 900 miles away. Keep the children
inside of the yard and see that they
keep their hats On.-POst.
Kate Claxton's dressing room was
robbed at Louisville last week of about
$50 worth of jewelry belonging to her,
and also of her husbands pants-which
we trust belonged to him.
The severity of the past winter is
said to have killed the germ of the
house flies to great extent, so that
where there were l SOY flies in the sugar
bowl last summer, the chances are that
the odd seven will be missing this sea-
son.-Nec HaUen Register.
Some wags last Friday encased the
carcass of a horse in red flannel, set it
atiOat in the Ohio, just above Madison,
Ind, and passed the word by wire
down both banks of the river that Boy
ton was coming. Skiffs shot out for
miles along the river as the dead steed
drlfted down, and at Madison the pop
ulace of the whole city crowded to the
wharves. The "sell" was a success.
A small boy in Belfast, whose de-
pertinent at school had always ranked
100 per cent, came home one day re-
Gently with his standing reduced to
ni9sstsHHdfjGhs BstH d5fhs, fsB1tea Yhat ea have
ful, "been doing just as 1 have all
along, only the teacher caught me this
time"
1t will be fashionable this season for
organ grinders to wear their monkeys
with tails loOped up in the back
YonkerS Gasette.
"What is pedestrian 2" asked the
child. "The pedestrian" explained the
father, ''is tramp set to walking in a
clrcle."-Chicago Journal.
Rowell patronized New York hack
after making his last mile, so it is safe
to say he has left good portion of his
gate money in this country.-PoSt.
"One bird does not make spring.
says the Hartford Times. One cat
does, though, sometimes.
The most useful pedestrian is the
man who walks the floor nights with
the haby.--N. Y. Herald.
A young man from the country went
to have tooth stopped. The dentist
advised him to have the tooth taken
out, and assured him that he would
feel nopain if he inhaled laughing gas.
but what is the effect of the gas y,
asked the youth. at simply makes
you totally insensible," answered the
DENTIST; "yOu don't know ANYTHING
that takes place.n The rustic assented
but just previous to the gas being ad,
mlnlstered he put his hand into his
pocket and pulled out his money. ooh.
don't trouble about that now" said the
dentist, thinking that he was going to
De paid his fee. ''Not at all,n remark
ed the patient; 'T was simply going to
see how much l had before the gas took
effectr e"S 'OON