The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-10-04
BUDGEv or FUN.

BUDGET OF FUN.
That's pretty Jolly looking little woman
considering she's in full mournlng" "Natur
ally naturally, don't YOU see-she's in the
honeymoon of her widowhood."
Look here. old boy, how can YOU sport that
awful hat" That hat, sir' ] glory in it.
NV wife saws she won't ba seen walking with
me so long as wear it, and bigod, sir, cling
70 il with the affection of periwnkle for his
shell"
An honest IIibernian, while gong along the
road, was thus addressed by friend: Hello
Pat you've got on the wrong side Of your
stocking" II know that says Pat; there's
q hole on the other side"
Some one asked Prince C. what the
great powers of Europe were. lie replied, as
only Frenchman could, and with the wits OF
Talleyrand, They are England, Germany
France, Russia and-women'
Said a Missouri preacher: "Thar's a pow
erful sight o. giggling back there in the cor.
ner, and IT'S got to be stopped, or the the Lord
will delegate me to open the doors and throw
some one outn 1t was stopped.
\ Alta funeral service IN Sawson last week
the minister, in his remarks, was dwelling
upon the loss to the husband of the deceased,
when that worthy spoke up: Never mind
me. Just throw your hctt on the corpse
Ddlbuiy NcrS.
rs there letter here IN scented envelope
for my wife" he asked the postmaster, while
the green fire from his eyes made the Office
look like IA lcaty forest. YES, SIR answered
the p NJ, as he handed it out The Jealous
man tore it open at once when, 10 and behold
it was the millncr's bill for $50 The end
Down in the Jersey swamp districts when
they read that the duty had been removed from
Quinne they gazed smiling INTO each others
eyes through tears of gadncss cordially cX
tended their trembling dlglts and exclaimed
Shake
"Now, Mr.. Robinson said fair young
city visitor, won't Won show Us your water
melon orchard?" II haven't II watermelon
tree on the place this year They were all win
ter-killcd;" and his questioner wondered why
he smiled so pleasantly when he answered,
pm ruta-baga, and here's where | plant
myself" said IA tramp, "a he entered "A farm
house near Frccport H., and seated himself
\at the table. 1--WE alters hllc OurS." said tho
kaymcr> wife, and eollscd him with aAi@hruu-
iul Of boiling wafer
A young man wO went to the circus, and
stepped too near the monkeys cage, had his
arm seized and sayagcly jcrkcd by one OF
the monkeys He would have escaped safely
had he not sand, ." 1t was merely a monkey
wrench" but, when they heard that, the IN
turatcd crowd threw him into the hons cage
y country paper says that one minister in
the locality recently said to another: II came
near selling my boots today" The other mar.
veled, and made the brief but sage remark,
"Ah!' Then, seeing that further comment
was expected, he asked: GLOW was that ?"
"Oh, had them halfsoled ~ replied his friend.
On the river: whats the matter, Alfred ?
You look uneasy well, my wife, who is
fond Of swimming, dived off the boat some
time ago, and has not yet come to the surface :;
l am afraid that something must have hap
pened to her" How long has she been un-
der?" about two rs."-FrenM Ne,cspa-
per.
Too Polite For Boarders.
A correspondent of the Washington Cdpital,
in writing of the early days of Narragansett,
when there was but one hotel and one board
ing.house, the latter always filled with "pre-
tentiOus people from Philadelphia" SAYS Gen