The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-07-12
CONCu,IATING A MULE.


of anecdotes. The credibllity OF the recital
Uas noticeable IN inverse ratio in the humble
and variety OF sacred, prOfanc, or wholly In
acinary personagcs and objects appealed TO II
evidence of the exact and unimpcachaOl'
truth of the narrative.
Old Pete Yorker had Just finished whop
,er about a mule he once had that got chance
az his colorcd driver, and with one kick sem
him fying fifty feet through the air never
touching the ground once TIL his head struck
the side of the house, about three yards IRON
tine Ground. and went through the clapboards
and plastering, making hole ike cannon
ball. Pete was voted the champion OF inc
evening. when a sedale, middleaged man, VINO
had hitherto sat silent in corner, asslduousiy
shifting at {, knothole in the floor, said he rath
er guessed he could beat that.
600 ahead" said everybody.
"rTwas long IN the fall of 81" began the
stranger deliberately removing his "chaw''
From his cheek, and laying it on the corner OF
.be stove "that me an Bill Reynolds had job
of building a bridge at jacksonville, Iowa
We had to haul our stuff fur about dozen
miles: the roads was jest awful, | tell yer, an
what him an me didn't get to know about
mules after we was through want worth know
in, We had one of the golderedcst, ALFRED,
est most ded.set and cOntrairlest CRITTERS OF the
mule persuasion ever experienced. nave
seen mules, then agin have seen mules,
hut this Teller had the longest ears, and the
heaviest kick, and the ugliest temper OF any
son of a lack as ever stepped. lie was cheap,
that's why got him, but it nd have PAID me
a. mighty sight better to have took HIM out anu
perforated his perlcardum, as them coroners
would say, nor to try an work HIM, Inc Doys
called him Andy Johnson, which was Presi'
dent then, eff we remember, and everybody
ieastways every Republican-said the name
lifted the critter fust rate. Hepretty soon nau
the whole intersection OF his derned hide
looking like burnt prairie, fur we used up
more hay nor he ever ate, buildn' fires under
meath him to encourage HIM. There was jest
one way to start HIM to right lively gait and
that was TO make believe you wanted him to
stop. by Yelling Whoa, Andy Then he'd
mil his dernedcst until you said ''G'lang,
shat That stopped him sure. Bimeby
though. he tumbled to the racket, and saw how
we had fooled hlm,-fur mules has more sense
in some things nor some folks will allow-and
then YOU couldn't regulate his movements
.nohow He'd Just meander along as it suited
him. 1t was awful hard to keep teamster
,One was killed, another had three ribs broke,
and the next man drove him two days and then
resigned, without stopping to ak for his pay
So had to take hold myself me and my part
uer-and do the best We could. One day,
about week after, when we'd come to one OF
our regular stand-stills in the road they gen
erallv lasted about two Or three hoursJ an he
vas laborn with him,-my partner twlstin'
mis- left ear, an me layin' on to HIM, from
safe distance with saplln' about men thlcR,
an old solemn-looking galoOt-seemed like
PLAYED out preacher or suthin'-come long,
an seq he
...Mv frien', don't you know it's very wrong
an wicked to treat useful animal, the trlen'
an companion Nv man, in that barbarous man
ner?'
".Son SEE !, your mind is wavcrin guess.
You're crazy the idea dernded mule,-the
thlnr', too rediclus.' Then took a fresh holt
on the saplin', and Bill he gin the ear another
twist, an we was settln' right down to bust.
ness agin, wen the stranger come up an lalu
his hand onto my arm, an seq
"'Hold! beg wv you, plead with you, not
90 harm this poor dumb critter, You have
diooty to the brute creation. Air they not our
fellow ben's-wanderers like u.s. through this
transitory yale?' An lot more Of such
preacher-like talk.
"Finaly seen' it didn't affect us any, he seq
agln:
""'But if you don't yield to the dictates of
humanity, | hayc the strong arm et the law
back of me. Pm agent for the providin OF
cruel to animals (or some such namc).
""This is the kind NV grucl That mule ha-
bitually requires, seq |, hittln the cussed brute
a whaCk that echoed back from the hill, about
half mile off. That's the Cruel we provide
for 'em. Talk about tellow-wandcrers thro'
the vale IF you'd been about ten hours wan
dcring through vale of mud, own to this
cussed frachous brute, you'd realize the neces-
sites of mule, you bet
""But SCI he, why not gently lead him by
kindness, WOO him to complete his task by
sympathy instead of cruel bloNsn
can then he gin me pamphlet with pic
tur Of a she angel with a sword pintn' to Il tcl
Ter that was wlalin' blazes outen horse that
hill.
""Thats all fair an right cnuff,' seq |. Hos
Ies had orter be dcccntly tret but mulc--a
derned mulc-whoevcr heard of any one hav-
in a good word for emf An me an Bill
laughed tit ter split at the notion nv that teller
worrvin' himself ter death over the miserable
beast He mout rs well have made fuss ov-
or the KILN of tater-bugs.
"'Well' says he at last EFF you will permit
me, will show you how the law Nv kindness
operates when that NV cruelty is powerlcss 10
accomplish its object
y" ON, sartinly, sartinly, squire you 90 right
ahead Ef you can git us into jacksonville by
sundown, well be MORALLY obliged, an I'll set
'em up Then Bill an me winkcd at each
other. for we know'd thard be some fun, an
that the dcrned old idiot d know beltcr'n TO
interfere next time,-ef he lived through it.
Gle went right up to that mule, and com
mencei rubin down his nose an straight
cnin' out his ear, sayin, Poor mule! good
mule, in kinder soothin' way. He stood il
patient cnuil-jest waitin his chance, yer
know But | knowcd, from the wicked way
he looked outen the corners Nv his eyes, that
suthin' 4 happen purity suddint, an thought
it want exactly the ialr thing to stan by an
see 4 stranger kicked to death, even ef he wal
a meddl esome old chuckle-head so, As he wal
gradually a workin' down to the rear of tho
crlttcr, yels out;
"'Bettcr be keeriul, stranger. faint fort
night since he killed "a mani
But he took no notce-kept on strokin
him down an .pettn' an easin' up the harnes:
a little where it CALLED him, till at last he go
round right square behind Andy. an no
&. 4, . ,f,.I -. alg