The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-09-20
FUNNYGRAPHS.

FUNNYeRAPHs.
The GENITAL system is a new weigh
for handling grain, the PscayA"e says
REMARK of the oyster Sept. l.: Here
we r again. "-Boston Commercial Butte-
TN.
"THE early bird gets the worm," but
a gnurly apple gets it also.-Amersoa"
Punch.
FRUIT is dirt cheap, but cholera medl-
cine rules at the old fgures.-Nea0 YORK
Express.
The coiner of pennies takes common
cents view of things, although he does
minis matters.-Nea0 York Aeaos.
The flower named bachelors button"
is so called beuause it is apt to fall OIL
NeaO Orleans Ptcdyat,te.
THE kangaroos are dying out. They
have for years been on their last legs
Nea0 Orleans Picayune.
A WESTERN paper describes very
slim man as being tall enough to go INTO
the woods and PICK q mess OF squirrels.
THE sexton looks upon the minister
very much as the Snowman does upon
his five-legged calf or his man with the
the iron jaw.
knowledge is the right bower, and
one of the showiest cards In the pack,
yet in the game of life cheek Is the
little joker that is oftentimes the winner.
A BOLD young man explained why he
had pretty girl in his lap with his arm
nv hnr NV fhot ha
engaged In the study of weights and
measures.
CYRUS w. FIELDS habit of carrying
one hand under his coat tails will get
him into trouble some day. Some man
will think Cyrus is after a pistol, and
when a man thinks that he works to get
the first "drop."
You can travel Scott free in the land
of Burns, if you walk and never stop to
eat or drink. Plenty Of the natives live
on Ayr.-N Y. NeaOs. And few of
them reside in Skye.-N Y. Commercial
Advertiser.
Now will Mr.. Huxley explain the
phenomenon of negro woman with
twins, one white and the other black.
What sort of evolution is that? asks the
EImira advertiser. Kind of Mosaic dis
pensation, we presume.
OLD gentleman-"I shall report you,
young man. Why didn't you stop the
car before? Here | have been running
after your csr more than a block"
Conductor" All right, guv'nor; Tm
sorry; but l amt like a pertater-eyes
all over"
A GREAT many morally inclined bust
ness men will tell you that the people of
to-day are not as honest as they were in
their time-but they'll shove a bogus
quarter on a near-sighted man inst as
quick as a man of more modern make
Elmira Gazttte.
AND now sixteen or seventeen new
stars and comets have been discovered.
If this thing isn't stopped pretty soon,
the young couple who succeed in finding
that particular star by half-past 10 won t
be able to get home before midnight.
Give the children rest.-BoSt0n Post.
A FAT French woman despairingly
says: " am SO fat that [ pray for dis
appointment to make me thin. No SOON
er does the disappointment come that
the mere expectation of growing thinner
gives me such Joy that | become fatter
than ever"
A WOMAN who was having her first
introduction to the telephone few day
ago, was told by the operator to place
the instrument to her ear and listen to
the words the wire would say. "And
nOw," said she, in all innocence, "shall
talk with the other ear. "-Spingfeld
Republican.
so now you are a B. A What do
you intend to doT ooh, I'm going to
take my degree and then be professor,
and then I'm going to hurry through
my thirty years SO as to be entitled to
my retiring pension as soon as possible,
and then | shall enjoy my well-earned
rest. "-Porisian W5tticism.
Now, Mr.. Robinson" said the fair
young city visitor to the kind he rted
farmer, won't you show us your water
melon orchardT 81 haven't a water
melon tree on the place this year, ma am :;
they were all winter-killed, and his fair
questioner wondered why he smiled so
pleasantly as he answered.-NeD Hqven
Register.
A LITTLE fOur-year-old girl going to
church with her mother for the first
time the other other Sunday, saw the
long handled contribution boxes passed.
With great wonder in her face and to the
great amusement of all about her, she
broke out in the loudly whispered excla-
nation: " Mamma, mamma, what makes
them pass those corn poppersround for?'
The rustic whose gingerbread is an
nually stolen by the elephant was at
Barnum's circus tide other day, and when
the appetizing comft was snatched from
his hand he shook his fist at the huge
thief and yelled, while the tears coursed
down his cheeks: Darn yer, We double
tailed fool, give that back here or PIl
knock your two front teeth down yer old
throat"
The squire engaging new butler)-
Well, | dare say you'll do; but, look
here, Richards, may as we'll warn you
that often get out of temper with my
servants, and when do | let en- have it
hot-making use of devilish strong Ian
guage, you know" New butler with
quiet dignity)-"I have been accus-
toned to that, sir, from my lord, the
bishop. "-Punch.