Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1879-06-14
The Trials Of an Art Critic.

Your charge against Mr.. Barker, the artist
nere," said the magistrate, els assault and bat
terry, believer"
"YeS. SIR"
And your name Is"
.Potts. am art critic Of the Weekly Spy"
State your case"
tatioD to see his great picture just finished, OF
George Washington cutting down the cherry
tree with his hatchet.' Mr.. Barker was expect
Ing to sell It to Congress for Me o
his mistake in making the handle OF the hatchet
twice as thick as the tree, and IN turning the
head Of the Ratchet around SO tnat george was
cutting the tree down with the hammer end,
asked him why he foreshortened Georges leg so
as to make 1t look as IL his left foot was on the
top OF the mountain on the other SIDE OF the
river"
"Did Mr.. Barker take it klndly?" asked the
Well, he looked little glum; that's all.
guinea pig up in the tree with horns, he said
that 1t was not a guinea pig, but cow, and
that 1t was not in the tree. but In the back
ground. Then said that If had been painting
George Washington ! should not have given
him the complexion of a salmon brick; should
not have given him two thumbs on each hand,
and should have tried not to slew MS right eye
around so that he could see around the back OF
his head to his left ear. And Barker said. oh,
wouldn't your Sarcastic, your honor. And |
said no, wouldn't, and Wouldn't have painted
oak leaves on cherry tree, and wouldn't have
left the spectator In doubt as to whether the
figure on by the woods was factory chimney,
or steamboat, or George Washington's father
Which of the three was it," asked the mag
iStIate.
al don't know Nobody will ever know. So
Barker asked me what thought he'd better do
AND told him l thought his best chance was
to abandon the Washington Idea and fix the
thing up somehow like the boy who stood on
the burning deck 1 told him he might paint
the grass red to represent the flames, and daub
over the tree SOS it would look like the mast,
and pun Georges foot to this side of the river
SOS it would rest some on the burning deck;
chimney. or whatever 1t was. and make it the
captain, while he could arrange the guinea pig
so as to do for the captains dog"
Ibid he agTee?"
Gle said the idea didn't strike him. SO then
| suggested that he might turn 1t into Column
bus discovering America. Let George stand
for Columbus and the tree be turned Into ma
tive, and the Ratchet made to answer for flag,
while the mountain in the back ground would
answer for the rolling pillows OF the ocean, He
said he'd be hanged If it should. So men,
eution OF Mary, Queen of Scots. Put George in
black for the headsman, bend over the tree and
put frock On it for Mary, let the Ratchet
stand and work In the guinea pig and factory
would be somebody worse hurt than Mary,
queen OF Scots; If kept on"
+" Didn't like it, hey?"
not want to force my advice upon him, would
say, Ii my opinion was asked, that the best hope
Of that picture would be TO make it a represen
tatiOn OF the deluge. Build In an ark around
George, put Shirt on him and call him Noah,
crowd in other animals with the guinea pig, let
the factory chimney do for Mt. Ararat, and the
tree for the stovepipe projecting from the roof
OF the ark. just as had got the word out of my
mouth, Barker knocked me clean through the
picture: My bead tore out Washingtons near
leg and my right leg carried away four miles
OF the river. We had it over and over on the
floor for awhile, andfinally Barker whipped. I
am going to take law of him in the interests of
justice and high art"
So Barker was bound over, and Mr.. Potts
went down to the Office Of the Spy to write up
bis cr1ticiSn.-(HGI Adeler ia the Neu Yorh
Weekly