Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1879-01-25
THE HUMORs OF ELECTION.

Connected with every election,
whether State, municipal or national,
are more or less ludicious occurrences,
arising from ignorance, eccentriclty and
humorous nationalities. That OF Thurs.
day was productive OF its share, some oil
which were gathered up by our repor'
tiers in their nocturnal search after truth
in the shape Of returns.
The light-hearted son OF Erin, natural
w uuick-witted as he Is, seems some
times to have barricaded his faculties
with triple plates and to use slang ex-
preston, can't tumble TO anything.
His German cousin, the perpleNed
Dutchman is often in the same predica-
ment and is unwittingly made the tool
of some shrewd wire-puller who can
pull wool as well.
The cautious voter selects two tickets
as blind, and retiringto some secluded
spot makes his choice and advances to
the box with his ballot closely folded.
No one knows his vote, anyhow. 9th
ers don't care, and march up and exer.
else the citizens right with an air OF
"them's nv sentiments, and don't care
a dash who knows EN-" But your con-
seryatiye man is prepared for all emer-
gencies.
An amused crowd gathered on the
Court House steps about two o'clock to
listen TO a man who voted against a GER
tain man because one Of his satellites
hal, he said, called me Bul. ! applied
10 the mon for worruk, and he towld
me, said he I'VE haint got none, Bul,
and he couldn't say Bill"
Some one deposited for a ballot In the
Fifth ward, "A receipt for SLIGO, given by
Emsheimer Bros. Ia j. Steinield. That
ticket was voted by temperance man.
In the Eighth, Jake kemple aud
Toby Vance were the contestants Tor
the place Of honor on ticket, Jake he
ing some independents choic for Mayor
and Toby for Sergeant.
An old Continental came out Of his
hiding place in the Third where he had
been indulging Frederick Barbarossan
sleep, and gave his vote Tor Mayor Ia
James Madison,
Counting votes is u monotonous kind
oi labor, and the judges and clerks feel
the need uf recreation occasionally. In
the Sixth ward things had u genuine
picnic look, and pies and cake were
scattered IN every direction. At the end
oi every two hundred votes counted,
operations would be suspended, cramped
arms and backs exercised and all hands
would engage in II rough and tumble
fight.
The "Young Lammany" has been
heard from at last and in the person Of
the Young tr.lgelian, though not
crushed tragcdian," I'd. IArkin. FL.
has stccrrd his bark clear Of rocks and
shoals ami landed safely In Council,
where his manly voice will be- heard, II
powerful rival Ia the silyiey tones Of the
sweet singer of the Second Branch, y
little Alex tpdegraif
About four o'clock IN the morning u
scene was presented In the Clerks office
that was worthy the faithful pencil of u
IIogarth. Around the stove and quietly
sleeping after the effects oi their long
virgil, sat circle of weary watchers,
filling the smokc-hden atmosphere with
nasal sounds, more loud than musical.
Al his desk stood Alex, smiling and
triumphant, pencil In hand and ruled
paper before him, all ready tonote down
the returns The Second ward hal ~
spondcd, and the gathered TIN ong slecpi-
~ discussed the result. hut there was one
face from which disappointment hal
b,nishcd all trace of sleep. lie hal
been candidate Tor Council and hal
received twcnty-iour votes. Never
dreaming that the mystery lay In how
hc got 81 many, his hrows were drawn
i'm "A vain endcayur Ia figure out how lac
was beaten. lie couldn't believe II, yet
there was the figures and he knew they
never lie. But his haggcred counicn-
ance lighted up aud his chin whiskcrS
hristlcd with excitement rs u happy
thought struck him! lie saidi "Misther
Updcgait! guy notice ] will contest
the election. | don't understand the
clecshibility oi this thing" The crowd
laughed, Alex smiled aud Erin frowncd.
lie poured out his wrongs, and ia one
long sentence, abused his enemies,
thanked his friends Tor their com
pllments" and ayowcd his determine
lion Of voting the Republican ticket
hereafter. They fixed him up ridicn.
lous certificate Of election and hc left,
comiuTted and rccOncilcd.