The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-12-19

articles which l was then palming of upon
a credulous and unprotected community.
l might have gone plumb down to perdi.
ton with lie on my lips and hammer
in my hand. Now am endeavoring 10
atone Tor the evil which committed BY
exposing the inferior quality OF the light.
ning'rods then put up and replacing them
with those for which am now agent al
cost price,"
The old farmer said he didn't exactly
know that he wanted to put up any light.
ming rods, but the agent said to him:
III tell you what I'll do. I'll put you
up set OF lightning.rods, and il YOU don't
like them I'll make you present oil
them"
The farmers eyes sparkled at the prop
osition the agent went to work, and when
he had completed his task he slapped the
farmer on the back and asked him II he
liked the material Of the rods and the
workmanship.
The farmer said he didn't.
IAN right" said the agent politely;
then the rods are yours, and / don't
charge you a cent. Our company always
sticks to its word, and would rather lose a
million dollars than do job that wasn't
satisfactory to the customers"
The farmer asked the lightning-rod man
TO come in and have some dinner, and the
lightning.rod man said he didn't mind,
There seemed to be something funny on
the lightning-rod mans mind, for he
would look at the farmer every minute or
two and laugh to himself gently, and when
asked what was wrong, say: "0h, moth.
ing, nothing, and then choke with in
ward mirth. All through the meal he en-.
tertained his hosts with interesting remi-
niscenses Of houses that had been
struck by lightning how in one case
everything metallic within the building
was fused, and fac smile of a campaign
supplement was iudelibly imprinted upon
the woman Of the house, while her beau.
titul daughter was driven through stove.
pipe hole, leaving great strips Of her soft,
white flesh on the ragged edges OF the
sheet-irOn. When he was climbing into
his wagon the fit OF mirth with which he
was seized so nearly approached the pro.
portions OF an apoplectic seizure that the
honest farmer got alarmed and asked him
what in the name of Charles Foster he
was laughing at.
II was Nightingale, ha! he, he! hi, bill
no, ho" painted the merry agent ito
think that you think you've got ahead Of
me-"
Got ahead of you?-well, l did get
ahead Of you" said the farmer; ~ rot
them lightning rods for nothing"
"1es," gasped the agent, in paroxysms
OF mtrth; "but go and look at those
lightning rods and see il they are wound
up-ho! no! hol"
"Well, and suppose they amt wound
up; what difference does Il make?n
What difference does 1t maker" echoed
the agent, in well feigned establishment,
Shade Of S, F. B. Morse, here;is amanthat
doesn't know the difference between posi-.
tive andnegative electricity Just you 90 IN
TO the house, and if you have Wheat.
stones 'Pragmatic Analytical Synopsis OF
Differentiated Electricity'-the edition OF
1876 is the best-overhaul the eleventh
chapter, and you will see what the differ.
ence Is"
"lhaven't got the book, said the farmer:
what is the difference any wayF
"The difference is that q lightning.rod
when properly wound up conducts posi-.
tive electricity from the clouds to the
earth; when not wound up it conducts
negative electricity from the earth 70 the
clouds. That's all the difference there is,
The earth, as Huxley says, is q great res.
ervoir chockfull OF electricity which Is
constantly seeking utilization with the OK.
ygen and metheglin Of the atmosphere,
Your lightning-rod is probably the only
one in the Northwestern States that is not
wound up; consequently the surging cur.
rents OF electricity which have been me,
andering all over the country striving to
find an outlet, after yainly trying every
other lightning-rod, are accommodating be,
meath your house, aud corruscating and
dilatinH and titillating all along the sur.
face Of your lightning.rod. Wait till II
gets dark and you'll see pale, lambert
flame playing all along its surface. The
first touch Of thunderstorm you have
up here the spectacle OF awful grandeur
presented by your lightning.rod II knock
anything ever seen since the combustion
OF Sodon and lIomorrah. By the way
there's dark blue cloud coming up yon.
der. Iguess we're going to have thun,
der.storm. Goodbye; Unjust get out OIL
here, for owe 1t to my family TO preserve
my life. If your daughter survives dom,
you worry about the future. I'll make
proper provision for her, because 1t will
be $4,000 in my pocket to be able tC
pointto her as the sole survivor Of mar
whose house was knocked into brick-dus
and match.splints because he wouldn't
take my advice about the arrangements o
his lightning-rods."
I'm get an axe and cress-bar and tea
the dun thing down." said the farmer
after a moments irresolute pause.
"An right; only want as q specia
favor to ask you not TO begin till / an
over the hill and out Of sight. With tina
lightning.rod instinct with negative cleo
tricity, as tits, 1t is sure death for any un
insulated man TO approach It"
Hi; hold on" said the unfortunate
farmer; ''I'll give you s. to wind up III,
thing for me"
"Five dollars!" said the agent, with
whitening sneer; "why the fact that YOU
house was burst into twenty hundre,
thousand million pieces II be worth IS,
900 to the company as an awful example
j'lang thereln
"Hold up yelled the agriculsurist
twill you wind up them lightning rods
pay YOU for them2"
swell, don't know that I should, y re
sponded the agent; "you see, you sal,
they weren'tquite according to your taste
and Il. doesn't seem exactly right TO b,
taking mans money for q thing that b
isn't quite satisfied with. Beside, II
taking thousands and thousands OF dollar
out Of the company's pocket hecauS
what we want Is an awful example I
scare other fellows into taking our rod
lust as we put 'em up. However, seein
It's you, and don't want 70 have you
blood on my hands, / don't mind doin
lit. Hand over the 500 and III fax It.
/ The farmer produced the money, an
the agent gave him Q receipt; then takin
q monkey-wrench he approached the Ugh
ning-rod and gave 1t Q couple Of twist
placed his ear close to It, bit It again, an