Daily Republican., 1879-08-21

able to answer simple question like
hat ?" Yes, it's the simplest question
was ever asked in my life. Why
thought every fool of a lawyer knew
there amt no latitude on the equator"
That shot foored Rufus Choate.
IT WOULDN'T WORK.
"Is the Rev. Mr.. Jackson in 7" in
quired q young man several weeks ago
Of the clsrgyman's wife, as she entered
the parlor to grant him an audience.
"he is in Europe at present."
Travelling for his health, eh 7" put
in the young man.
"Yes sir, and if you want some one
at the bedside of dying friend, you'd
better go down 70 the minister in the
next block"
"That is not the thing that l wanted
to see him about"
"Psrhaps you want to get married
them"
"Oh, no, that isn't it at all. l just
wanted to help the church little. To
kind er shskel her up you know"
"That would be very acceptable I'm
sure"
well, III soon put the thing through.
| have q lot of friends to assist me, and
we'll soon have the church out Of debt,
we will"
"Can you tell IA your plan?"
Certainly, all l want is to have the
use Of the church for one evening, and
my friends and Twill give a grand
minstrel show, instersperssd with club
swinging, boxing, pedestrianism, ETC.,
and the proceeds shall be yours"
She quickly informed him that she
didn't think Der husband would en-
courage him in any such scheme, and
he went down the stoop murmuring
something about the base ingratitude Of
humanity. .-.5a....r.+
A SWEET VOICE.
"The sweetest voice I ever heard, "
said the bishop, ''was a woman's. 1t
was soft and low, but penetrating; mu-
sical and measured in its accents, but
not precise. We were on a steamer and
she murmured some commonplace words
about the scenery. do not aemember
what she said, but l can never forget
the exquisitely tender, musical voice."
"The swsetes voice ever heard, y
said the professor, twas a mans. I'd
bsen out fishing nearly all day, and
got back to the hotel about 3 o'clock.
The man came out on the front stoop,
opened his mouth like sea cavern and
roared, 'DrN-NUR' till it soured the
milk in the cellar. have heard other
voices since then, but never" But
the bishop, with look Of intense dis.
gust all over, already walked out OF
hearing, and was lighting a fresh cigar
by himself.
GRIsT FROM GRIN FACTORIES.
The experienced editor can always
tell at sight the man who comes In
with his first attempt at original poe
try. He walks on tiptoe, and looks as
though he had just passed counter
felt bill or strangled a baby.
Arural editor, speaking of y quill
driving contemporary, says: "His In
telect Is so dense that it would take the
anger of common sense longer to pene'
trats it than to bore through Mount
Blanc with a carrot.
Circumstances alter cases. The man
who is on the train thinks 1t tarries toe
long at way stations; not SO the one who
is MALT block away and coming rapidly
towards it when the whistle toots.
The man who goes fishing and sits in
cramp.inviting posture on narrow
board from early morn till dewy eve
and calls it fan, is the same chap that
never goes to church because the pews
aren't comfortable.
After an enthusiastic lover spends
two hours hard labor over letter hit
girl, and then mars its beauty by spill
INK a drop Of ink on it, he then draws
a circle around the blot and tells her II
il q kiss.
Lightning may he very good to cleal
the atmosphere of noxious vapors, bu,
as long as it neglects stricking these
fellows who say Hardly ever" we
shall continue to regard it as an ex-
csedingly slothful fluid.
Two men started out on wager to
see who could tell the biggest story.
No. | commenced: "A wealthy coun.
try EDITOR" whereupon No. 2 stopped
him right there and paid the forfeit.
What did the young lady mean
when she said to her lover: "You
may be too late for the car, but you can
take a bus. "
An eccentric English gentleman, a
candidate for Parliament was address,
ing his constituents. A man in the
crowd called out "What about the
liouor bill?" "Well," said the candi-
date, "mine was uncommcnly high last
year. How was yours 2"
When you ses the woman who is
looking in at the milliner's throw up
both hands and exclaim, "Oh, what a
horrid looking thing |" you may set 1t
dow as certain sign that that style
of bonnet will be her head covering al
church next Sunday.
A certain young lady who was lit.
tie behind hand in her summer outfit
surprised her parents the other day by
asking why she was unlike George
Washington. When they gave 1t uT
she told them, because she had no lit
tie hat-yet.
A man can stroll out into the lots snt
woods and stumble over rough GROUND
for half a day Sunday and enjoy him
self but If his wife had requested hi
company to church he would have beef
"too used up" to stir out Of the house