The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1879-06-19
THE NIHILIsTs.
An Account which shows the Terrible
State of Affairs. ..ti. .

State of Affairs. ..... ...ii...
Scene-At st. Petersburg. ......
Janitor-I can't stand this any longer,
sir; l don't mind doing the duties ordi-
narily expected of one in my position,
but / cannot be on the watch all the
twenty-four hours to see that the Mill
lists don't stick revolutionary posters on
the front wall. I've gone eleven nights
without sleep now. . t. ...- .r
Proprietor-But, my poor Ivan Ivan
ovitch, l did not make the law which
all owners of houses are obliged to obey,
providing for fine of 500 roubles If a
placard Is posted up on the premises,
and Imprisonment if the offence is re-
peated. Here, drink this coffee; it will
keep you awake. Tonight I will go on
watch and you can get good sleep.
Janitor-Thanks, my good master (;
your nobly considerate conduct lends me
renewed strength.
An hour later the janitor comes in to
breakfast.
Proprietor Todleben! where
have you beenp Why, man, there is a
revolutionary placard pasted on your
back!
Janitor-Ts therep suppose I must
have closed my eyes for minute or two.
They. have keen eye for business, those
Nihilists. Let's tear it up. solos,.
Proprietor-No; don't tear it up, be-
cause some of the fragments might be
found and we might be sent to Siberia
Burn it up, coat and all-I'll give you q
new one. Now go back to your post,
and. for the love of Heaven, do not doze
a wink.
The janitor returns. The proprietor
watches him from the window, and,
whenever he mods, shouts, Now, then,
Ivan Ivanovitch, keep awake!" In the
course of the long, long, weary day the
police arrive.
Official-We have come to search the
premises. .........
Proprietor-But, count. belong to
no association. l am merely a peaceful
citizen who passes his days and nights
watching to see that his watchman
doesn't fall asleep.
Oficial-I have General Gourko's
orders to enter your house and see that
you have no concealed arms.
Proprietor-All have is an old shot
gun without lock, stock or barrel.
Official-Tle Nihilists could easily
furnish you those. Your shotgun is
confscated, and you may thank your
lucky stars. that you get off so easily.
What's in that drawer?
rOpfletOr-hnlVeS.
Official-Knives l confiscate them.
Proprietor-But, prince. they are
tablc-knives, and tonight 1 give a din
married, and this is to celebrate her
betrothal.
Official-You must eat with your fin
gers, that's all.
Proprietor-But,g grand duke, how are
we tO corve the fowlSp
Otlicial-Tear 'em in pieces, or bite
out schunks-it'll all be in the family.
Where's your bedroom?
Proprietor-Here, your imperial ex-
cellency, and if you find any deadly
weapons in it | want to be sent to
Siberia.
Oflicial-T might send you there if il
were worth the trouble, for here is a razor
which in the practiced hands of a des-
perate man might be used to slay the
whole imperial family. Twill confscate
the razor.
(The family dinner takes place, though
under disadvantages, and the unhappy
man forgets all the trials and troubles of
the day. At the dessert, just as he is
about to propose the health of the soon
to be welded pair, lie receives note
couched in these terlns):
You are traitor! You have to-day
given up to the tyrants the arms in your
possession. You have therefore been
doomed to death by
Yours respectfully,
THE EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE.
per Tomski Collinsovitch.
Proprietor Clearing his hair)-There
That's all that was lacking to make it
complete. Read that!
His Future Son-in- Law-You were
wrong, sir; there is Il good deal to be
said on both sides.
Proprietor-Wrong! was Ip Perhaps
you are a Nihilistp with bitter sarcasm.
His Future Son-in-Law-I have the
honor to be the chief of Section 2l7 and
] don't care who knows it.
His Daughter-Yes, pa, and that is
why lo-ho-hove him. (Casts herself
into her lovers arms.)
Proprietor-Merciful heavens! are you
Nihilist too, Paulovnap
His Daughter-Yes, pa, and so are my
sisters and my cousins and my aunts.
All the guestsLAnd so are we-all
of us.
Proprietor-I will denounce you to the
authorities-cal the police.
His Future Son-in-Law-If you utter
one word l will fire this train and blow
up the house, which we had mined as
precaution, lest the police should make
a descent on us while we were at dinner
Proprietor-And here l have been
passing my days and nights keeping
watch on my janitor.
Omnes-Y our janitorl Ho, no! Look
out ,of the window and see what youl
janitor is doing.
Proprietor-May 1 be knouted and
sent to Siberia if my janitor isn't GOV
ering the whole front of the house
with four-sheet revolutionary posters
(Faints.)