The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-11-14
WIT AND HUMOR.


WHAT is marriage? One woman the
more and one man the less.
ANY man can edit newspaper, but it
takes genius to make 500 miles in six
days.
COLUMBUS made the egg stand, but
Italians OF less renown have made the
peanut stand.
"THAT puts different face on it, as
the boy said when the ball struck the
clock dial.
II is only the female sex who can rip,
darn and tear without being considered
profane.
WHATEVER objection may be opposed
to whipping, 1t is at least undeniable
that it makes boy smart.
"CUT, and come again." as the girl
said to her lover when she heard the old
man stumbling around in the dark.
The lilies of the fields have pistils,
and every wide-awake citizen of fair
Texas is "arrayed like one of these"
The ightning-rod man must be al
lowed good profit, for when he sells
ont his business he never can get much
for the goodwill.
LITTLE Gertie (after waiting some
time for desserD-"Uncle, don't you
have anything after dinner?" Uncle
=" Yes, dear; the dyspepsia"
ORAL instruction (Auntie) Well,
Charley, what have you been doing to-
day IN SCHOOL," Small boy" Oh,
nothing much. Teachers been CAB
BIN"
4 LADY, regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over
all the stockings in the store, objected
that none of them were long enough.
Il want" she said, "the longest hose
that are made" Then, madam" was
the reply, you had better apply TO the
next engine-house"
A wAX-woRK figure of Franklin. on
exhibition in France, is labeled:
FRANKLIN, inventor of electricity. This
savant, after having made seven voyages
around the world, died on the Sandwich
islands, ard was devoured by savages,
of whom not single fragment was ever
recovered"
THE DEAREST LOVE.
sisters love is charming
As everybody knows;
And a handsome cousins love is nice
| At least, should suppose;
And the love of true lover
Is the love that cannot pail.
| But the love of new bonnet
Is the dearest love of all
MOTHER to her daughter, just years
old" What makes you look so sad,
Carrier" Carrie, looking at her baby
brother, weeks old" was just think
ing that In about ten years from now.
when shall be entering company, and
having beau, that brother of mine will
be just old enough to bother the life
out of me-"
A RoCKLAND man read that one should
endeavor to draw something useful from
everything he saw, and nobly resolved
to profit by the teaching. That night
when the moon was hidden he essayed
to draw a number of useful cord-wood
sticks from his neighbor's woodpile, and
got filled so full of rock-salt ont of a
gun that he won't be able to taste any
thing fresh for the balance OF his natu-
raj life.
The round yellow pumpkin that the
housewife has IN eye for a. nice batch
of inch and half deep pies, with under
crust as brown as berry, doesn't
always show up when cooking-day
comes round; but down behind the
garden gate at the first approach of
darkness she can see fendish face all
aglow with fire. That's her favorite
pumpkin, and the only wax-candle she
had is inside of it,
"A TIGHT Squeeze" is an unfortu-
nate title for book. An old maid will
never-no never!-enter a book store
and ask spruce young clerk for a
Tight Squeeze" although she may want
one very badly. And much berufiied
and banged young lady will hardly ever
call for A Tight Squeeze so publicly,
when she is already squeezed so tightly
that she can hardly draw her breath.
And young MAXWELL, a young man
doesn't go to book store when he
wants "A Tight Squeeze"