The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-11-08
THE TRUE ELIXIR VIE.
Life TO be Prolonged by Progressive Alb.
ABFntl0n OF Lemons,

S0rptIOn OF Lemons,
london Telegraph, October ~.
According to DIR. Wilhelm Scllmoele,
whose voluminous treatise entitled "Sla.
krobiotik and Eubanik, two scientific
methods for tho prolOngAtiOn and Cmboll.
ishmcnt Of human life" has recently been
subjected to somewhat severe criticism in
the German press. One Of the four great
natural secrets that have bailled inyestiga.
ton for at least q score Of centuries haSat
length been discovered by gentleman
whose University diplomas demonstrate
him 10 be equally Of home in philosophy
and medicine, and who, moreover, IA a
tull.blown Professor OF Pathology. The
transmutation oil metals, quadrature OF the
circle and perpetual motion still remain
unsolvel mysteries, probably because
DR.. Schmoele has not yet turned his
attention 10 them, but tho Elixir Of Life
stands revealed to us by his patient and
laborioUs researches into the arCana OF
nature. This precious liquor, gifted with
the incstimable faculty oil protractng OK.
istence Tor an indefinite term-the panACea
for the greatest OF those Ills that flesh Is
heir TO, dGath-ls no cunning distillation
OF weird and costly drugs, no essence Of
the dreadful broth brewed by witches
from such grisly "stoCk" rs juice oil toad
and oil Of adder. Its fluid with which
all are familiar, chiefly in convivial asso.
citation with hot water, sugar aud more
or less copious modiCum OF alcohol,
Blended with these materials, hu.
manity has hitherto greatly RCknowl.
edged It's genial and exhiIaraliuC
qualities, little dreaming that in.
tinltesimal doses Of Immortality were
floating pCrdu among tho aro.
matte contents OF tho punch.bowl. 1t
was reserved 10 DR.. SchmOeIe 10 gladden.
the world with tho disclosure that lemon.
Juice Is tho elixir vitiu. TO rival the pa.
triarChs in a number OF years, to blunt the
edge oil deaths sickle In such sort that Il
shall not avail to sever the slenderest Of
lifC's threads, all that the aspirant to i'm.
moderate longevity has TO do Is TO absorb
u sufficient quantity Of lemon.juice daily;
or, better still, TO eat fixed quantity Of
lemons, having ISOLATION 10 his or her age
or sex, every morning and evening. Dr..
Schmoele's work contains the most elalp.
rate and exhaustive rules for tho practice
Of the lemon.treatmcnt, which may DO
commenced with equal certainty OF ute
rior success at any timo Of life.
The Professor also adduCes several in.
stances oil the efficacy with which tho
consumption Of lemons stimulates aged
persons TO evade the assaults OF the plIan.
tom on the pale horse. lie is as yet una
BILE TO mention any case in which the i'm.
bibition OF lemon juice has enabled m
authentic human being TO live forever;
but he confidently hopes, in future ages
far remote, to supply posterity with an
illustration in his own person Of his the
DRY that "hO who will only eat lemons
enough need never die" Failing living
example OF indisputAhlo immortality, such
as would carry conviction to the sonl Of
the most hardened skepliC, DR. SchuloeIe
directs our attention 10 tho celebrated
painter, Count WaldeCk, who died in
Paris short time ago at tho somewhat
advanced age OF 40 years. The Professor
seems TO fancy that this tough artist
proves the correctness Of the above quoted
theory, because Count WaldeCk was in the
habit, every springtide, OF devOuring huge
quantities OF horseradish soaked in lemon
Juice. at was not the hoBeradish," says
DR.. SChmOele' but the lemon. Juice, that
prolonged his litG for SO many years." But
We have only the Professors word for tho
truth Of this postulate. 1t may be that
the vehement pungency oi the horseradish
kept Count Waldeck's vital spark avlow
for such an inordinate length Of time, and
that the secret oil Immortality Turks within
that fiery root. Besides, the Count died
after all, so that lCmon.iuicc, or horse
radish, or both combined, only enabled
him TO stave oil the evil day for period
Of time which, considered In relation to
0tornity, can not DO accounted Us brief and
unimportant.
"MakrobiOtik and Eubanik," which
work, We shonld mention, has been pub,
lished by the printing Office OF Bonn Uni.
versity, whereby 1t Ia invested with
somewhat authoritative character, teaches
US what We are to do, in the way OF swal.
lowing lemon juice, in order TO attain au
age to which that Of Methuselah was 80 TO
speak, mere immature adolescence. To
ladies over forty and under fifty, com.
menClng tho citronian system, he Pre-.
scribos two lemons per diem, while gentle.
men between those ages must "assimilate"
at least three lemons daily. Between fifty
and sixty the dose for ladies Is set down
ut three, for gentlemen at tour, lemons
day. One lemon more per diem Is
ordained TO each Sex for every add.
tional decade, 80 that cOnteparians
must consume, II women, their eight
lemons daily-if men, no fewer than ninC.
Upon attaining his hundred and TWEEN.
tieth year, therefore, like Count Wallcck,
tho gentleman who should at that period
experience the desire further to pIoIonp
his existence would find himself face 10
face with the terrible prospect Of having
TO swallow i,0l5 lemons per annum for ten
successive years, II he wished to live so
long. Perhaps decade OF life would be
held dear by the majority Of Centonarl.
ans, II 1t had 10 DO purchased by the de.
glutition Of 10000 lemons. The moro no.
ton Of so sour diet Is enough 10 suggest
10 those Of sweet tooth "surcease
Of sorrow" by their friendly aid Of the
dagger or tho bowl. 1t Is scarcely
possible 10 oven think OF eating forty
thousand lemons without shudder and a
conVulsivO Uontortlon Of the facial muscles.
What would life be worth, even 10 the
their Of all tho ages" II sadded 10 Inc
chronic stomRch.ache that ono would think
must accrue TO the wight condemned 10
imblbe the Juice Of dozen lemons daily?
The "dUrd iliG mcssorltm" themselves coIId
not cope with the perturbation that such a
dose Of natural acid would SGT up within
their precincts. DR.. SChmoelele's noStrum
Is, however, such rs has been stated, and
Immortality, according to this sage, do