Litchfield enquirer., 1879-07-10
whiskers, "His head was put on upside down

| l wasn't it ?'.E @5 5< k5 >J@&
 A Baltimore negro went home drunk, and I ducked into bath tub to sober himself: but he forgot to take hisdhead out of tie water, and was. drowned.
 Curate-I wish to be measured for a suit of l clothes Tailor-Certainly sir. May I ask your views, as we cut our coats according to | doctrine. < F# F &l
 The London Telegraph" asserts that no | English father or mother considers ita disgrace that all or any of their daughters remain uil- married.
 | The young gentleman who spoke so elo- quently at his Commencement on classical reading will to-day pull out a yellow-backed | dime novel and abandon himself to the delights of wild border life. |4 Yale seems so anxious to make these annual regattas interesting to the public that we shouldn't be surprised if after awhile she should | put some oarsmen ill her shell as an additional attraction.
 l An essayist writes: 'sThe world is pecunia- | rily richer than everit was; and the worldlings are more than desirous to eat more daintily, to array themselves more handsomely, and to lie more softly than their fathers did. Y" -~<t Packages warranted to contain the means of | sure death for potato bugs, without poison, were sold at fair in Illinois Each contained | two blocks of wood, on one of which was written, ''Piace the bug on this block and smash him with the other" s
 When Mir. W. H. Smith, First Lord of the Admiralty came out at Oxford to receive the degree of D. c. L., he was received with roaring chorus, "And now he is the ruler," &c., which he took very good -temperedly.
 An old gentleman of Lampy's acquaintance was somewhat disgusted on his eightieth birth day, which occurred the other day, to receive from some of the younger members of his fam- fly a book of sermons with the agfeeably sug- gestiye title, tGo up higher"
 When Benjamin Franklin was an editor he was in the habit of writing to the young ladies who sent in poetry, saying in honeyed lan- guage that owing to the crowded state of his columns, etc., but he would en6eavor to cir culate their productions in manuscript. And then he tied the poems to the tail of his kite for s'bobs."
 When man discovers bone an inch in di- ameter is his chicken pie, he hardly knows which to wonder at most, the gigantic propor- tions of that expectations blrd or the cheek of the proprietor of the calfy. sz~g-
 Minnie c. Ballard, in tender lyric just pub lished inquiries of whom it may concern:
 Would you love me as well, true-heart,
 Had face less fair? -. -, We dislike to say unpleasant things. Minnie, but the chances are that he wouldn't Plain words are best, and so sometimes are women, but we repeat that the chances are that he wouldn't.
 A man with red face, and looking rather shabby, called at house one Sunday and ask ed for drink of ale. The lady of the estab- lishment refused, telling him that she could not accommodate him. He urged her, assur- ing her that she had better do so, that some persons had entertained angels unawares. 'Yes' she said, 'I know that: but angels don't go about drinking ale on Sundays"
 A Rhode Island Sunday school superintend ent, last Sabbath, in touching missionary ad- dress, told the children that away out west, far far in Illinois and Iowa and Nebraska, there were people who had never been to clam-bake. And when the contribution box went around after that the nickles rained into it until it weighed ton. st K
 sIAssommoir" has been adapted by Charles Reade for the English stage under the title of Drink" The following conversation is said to have taken place in the gallery of the thea tre during the performance
 First ged II tell yer the plays by Never Too Late to Mend' Reade" Second god "And 1 say t'aint." First god: "Who is the hauther, then?" Second god: "It's a hadap- tation. Didn't yer see the playbils Drink, adapted from the French of 'A0e Some Mcre?' ?
 A college graduate, who has over two thou sand dollars worth of education went to Lead vile to seek his fortune, and didn't earn enough in six weeks to pay three days board while neighbor of his who accompanied him, and signed his name with an K" made five hun dred dollars tie day after his arrival The ignorant man understood the game of ''polxer" and the college graduate didn't having neg lected this branch for the less useful one of rowing boat.
 The other day, says the New Haven Regis of this country walked up to the ticket office in the Union depot, and said to Alderman States:
 "Give me ticket for Easthampton"
 Massachusetts or Connecticut ?" asked the genial dispenser of pasteboards.
 ''Nay'hur,I want a ticket to Easthampton"
 'T understands but there are Easthamptons in both this state and Massachusetts, exclaim- ed Mir States.
 "Brda!, an is that SO? Which one does it cost the most to go to T? asked the son of Erin's isle.
 Massachusetts, answered Mir. States
 Well, then, be the powers, Pll take the cheapest one."
 The traveller was accommodated with ticket to Easthanpton, Connecticut, and he got aboard the Air Line train apparently quite happy.