Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1879-07-25
NO. 30.
HITS AND MISSES.

A new brand of cigars is called "Tho lottery
ticket because only one in thousand draws
Statues usually look better than the men
they represent. Yes, and they behave better,
too.
The recoil of cucumbors is terrific.
The game law against mosquitoes has OK
pired
A lady's train is not all behind; it has two
feet before.
The funeral notice of western murderer
read Suddenly, on the - inst. of drop
sic.
summer is good time to live out the pious
precepts learned in winter.
The girl with a gold necklace thinks low
necked dress just too lovely for anything.
The national game at Washington from
March to July 1879 Hayes, ; Congress, o.
--AlJdny ECeniag Journal
Why are naughty children like stair-carpets?
Because neither can be kept in order without
the rod.
1t doesn't take a school-boy long to evnce
a love for division, provided another boy owns
the apple.
When a man does us kindness we call him
a brick, and when he does us an unkindness
we want to hit him with one.
IF l am stuck up, am not proud, " as the
butterfly said when pinned to the side of the
showcase
Niagara Falls are to be lighted with the cleo
trio light. The pockets Of visitors will be
lightened by the hotel-keepers and hack
drivers as usual.
little urchin being asked "what is Rhode
Island noted for :" replied: 1T is the only
one of the New England States which is the
smallest"
NNi.,g,,.;y ia, -, 20
dals in its girls schools, has decided that the
leading teachers shall be women. They want
principals not men.
lady informed visitor who came to see
her new house that she was having hicks made
in the walls in which to place statues, and in
one of them burst of her husband.
Observe any number of trees growing in
the woods or the orchard, and notice how few
are exactly perpendicular. There is only one
tree which always grows exactly plum.
Spriggins was saying at the boarding house
table that the paror of his new house was to
be finished in ash when the melancholy Eng
lishman remarked, Whatever you ave in the
parlor, Spriggins, don't ave any hash in the
dining room"
but you know, pa" said the farmers
daughter, when he spoke to her about the adj
dresses of his neighbor's son, ''you know, pa,
80 do /, my dear, so do l and there's no
better culture in the country than agriculture"
The play was at its height in the card-room
of vell-known club, and from a distant cor
ner was heard 1--WE are two to two" "By
Jove, we are two to two, too" responded
player at an adjoining table owonder that
German present likened our language to n
French horn.
This is the view taken of it by an infant Of
st. John, Mo-: Little Freddie was undergoing
the disagreeable operation of having his hair
combed by his mother, and he grumbled at
the man~uver "Why, Freddie" said NAM
ma, you ought not to make such n fuss. l
don't fuss and cry when my hair is combed."
''Yes, replied the youthful party, "but your
hair amt hitohed to your head"
Two Hibernians were passing a stable
which had a rooster on it for n weather-vane,
when one addressed the other thus: 'Pat,
what's the reason they didn't put hin up
there, instid of a rooster p AN sure" re-
piled Pat, 'thats aisy enough. Don't We see
it would be inconvanient to go for eggs?"