Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-05-01
NeWspaper Waifs.

That cruel-hearted Steubenton says his
wite's Easter bonnet isn't nearly SO big as
the roll of bills that bought it.
The police of New York are being vac
cinated. But what's the use of it? They
never catch anything.
Why was mother of one of the old
Peruvian rulers like piece of rubber ?
She was an incaraiser.
'sUneasy rests the head that wears
crown,'' as the Sioux said while he sharp
ened his sealpfng knife on the sole of his
moccasin.
Free Kirk Elder preparatory to pre-
senting tract): ssMy friend, do you
know the chief end of man?'' Piper tin-
noeently): 'sNa, Idinna mind the chune;
can ye no whustle it?''
A son of the Siamese Twins is achiev-
ing high honors in an eastern college,
which leads a funny man to ask: ''Why
shouldn't he rise in the world? His father
was well Connected
'Twenty years ago. said a colored
philosopher, "niggers was wuf thousand
dollars apiece. Now dey would be deah
at two dollars dozen. It's 'stonishin'
how de race am runnin' down.
Instructor, measuring our city map-''It
is half mile from the academy for boys
to the seminary for girls Innocent stu
dent, thoughtfully-+.It doesn't seem SO
far.'
A Boston telegraph clerk smiled when
a ,coa.,0 kI,;e
''Unto us "a child is born, nine feet long
by two feet wide;" but the man under
stood 1t meant that he should buy an il
Illuminated Christmas text.
J Of course no woman ever did such a
thing, but supposing now, for the sake of
argume mt, as it were, that woman was
to go to church for the purpose of show
ing off her new sacque, would it be sac
religious, so to speak
Two darkies were vaunting their cour-
age. 81 ism feared n nothin', isn't, .
said one. eden, Sam, reckon you ISM
feared to loan me dollar ?'' 'sNo, Ju.
lius, isn't feared to loan you dollar
but does hate to part with an ole fren
forebber.'
A gentleman had bad eye, and wa,
advised to have it out, so that he nigh
save the other eye. He took ehloroform
and the doctor, a famous specialist, tool
out the good eye by mistake. The patien
is blind, and cannot shoot the specialist
'sDot 'Pinafore' expression vas noe
sance,'' remarked Eeutonic gentleman
to genial coadjutor- ''Auf you tole
. | ryal fno hn Jzo
blaine Anglish aber he say: svot, hard
Iy, sometimes nefCsrH VOt kind of lar
guage is dose"
A student of rhetoric, having been al
signed the task of putting a speech int
the mouth of Gustavus Adolphus at th
moment Of his departure from Sweder
began that posentate's supposititious r'
marks: 'tGentlemen, am about to leay
you to begin she thirty years warl'
A rich yoang lady has fallen in lo1
< with and married New York street ca
t driver. From the bride and the halt,
e he went to the altar and the bridal, an
s the only train and switch to occupy h
:, mind hereafter are those belonging to h
g Wife She takes him for wheel or who
as it were.
t They tried to kill book agent at Omal
- last week. He was robbed, thrown in
the river, knocked off the cars, toss,
from high bridge into the river agai
and in two hours he was around with
illustrated Bible, trying to get subscri
ton from the head of the attacking part
A colored child had a fall from Sc
| -, L
mother, in relating the incident at gl
Gerry store, said: 'sDere dat child was
coming down feet fust, wild every chan
of being killed, when de Lawd He turn
him over, de chile struck on his hes
o. and dere wasn't so much as button fl,
w off,"
The following inscription is copi
from tombstone in the English gray
yard at Peshawar, India: tsSacred to t
memory of the Rev. Blank Blank, A. 4
who spent seventeen years as missiC
ary among the Afghans, and translat
the Holy Writ into their language.
:, was shot by his attendant. well dol
thou good and faithful servant.'
The compositor who was told he mig
when setting up speech, insert ''lo
applause or "cheers," !" in order to fill {
the line, was summarily discharged wh
rst, ne made the application general and
up an obituary notice as follows: ''I
announcement was made yesterday Il
our hlghly respected citizen, Mr.. /
dead In the street''-(loud applause, ct
'n't An exchange tells of an old farmer w,
having eaten an oyster stew for the A
time, said: 81 like the soup pretty W.
but didn't like them pollywogs.'' - n
rice reminds US of the little story of the II
eci- sier, who lunched with cold Hicko,
ties. when he was President. Among OF
der, things there were champagne and oil
me, on the table, of which the guest part
'nce freely. When the lunch was about EN-
ever Mr.. Hoosier remarked: "Gineral, tn
mighty good cider, but D-your pickle