The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-01-11
THIS AND THAT.

AAhho AMI AHhANe
There Is nothing like y shorthand
} reporter to take q man down.
The day after washing day is one
Of sad irony.
"A prima donA lie naturally . tlmid
creature, for her art Is always In her
throat.
"A western woman has lost two hus.
bands by lightning. She ought to mar
ry q conductor. ..,
"A paper that is always full Of good
points-a paper Of needles.
The only uniavorable report ahOuk
Grandfather's Clock Is that"h won't
ninety years on tick.
-"Why should we celebrate WASH
tDptOn's birthday more than mine7"
asked teacher. "Because he never
told llei" shouted Q little boy.
Exact from a rOmance-"wlth ona
hand he held her beautiful golden head
above the chilling waves and with the
other called loudly for assistance.
I'VE never saw Q man." says an
exchange, "whO thought II q sin tn
steal an umbrella" Then you never
saw mau whose umbrella had Just
been stolen.
! in England you will sometimes
stumble upon fortified places Whers
you least expect them. For instance,
Westmir ster Abbey has no lees thAu
twelve canCns.
The Five Stages of Brandy and
Water, -First-9randy On water. Sec.
Ond -Branny aud WARNER. Third
Bran war;. Fourth -Brraorr. Fifth
COLLAPSED
The class In grammar will please
stand mp and answer this question:
How do you parse the word dOllarP"
please, sir, II 1t is trade dollar, you
parse 1t for ninety cents"
Mrs. p. says she Ia much dIsln1ect.
ed with her new resi- fence eomparisoned
with her old one, which was on the road
to a pOpulOus symetery, where she vas
enli'ened sometimes by seeing dozen
funerals day.
"A tramp claimed to have drank
brandy and water with Neal Dow. and
the whole state Of Maine was avitated;
but he subsequently explained that hs
drank the brandy and Neal ths water,
and peace was Immediately restored.
-"Nadam. did you ever lii dog by
the tail2" why, no, you cruel thing.
you" al didn't know, because l Just
saw you carry your little child acr0s
the gutter by one arm. A dogs tail "
a good deal stronger than the llgamants
Df a baby's shoulder"
An old man was still cutting wood
In the swamp near New Orleans In vIr.
tue of q permit granted him by Gpnerai
Butler, and even sells the right OF cut.
ting wood under this order, which, he
claims, has never been revoked.
IL must get married." said o bach.
elor to married friend, for ] never
can find a button on q clean ahirt "
take care, "said Benedict. with sigh
"or you may chance upon a wife who
will not find you clean shirt 10 but
ton.
William Irwin few days ago, ut
Grow Creek, Dak., accomplished the
feat of shooting dead in their tracks t0l
Texas Steers at 1Ul conclnsiVs shots
with a Winchester rife, all for bet 0f
a box OF cigars. The CaIcasses were
made into Indian beef.
-"How much do you charge for a
bologna sausage that will reach frOm
one of my ears to the other?" asked q
soldier in Berlin Uf a dealer. "Flfty
krruizers," was the reply. "itaks the
Offer" replied the soldier, "Ons Of NY
ears was cut of in q battiea thousand
miles from here" There was com,
promise.
bismarck TO Kaiser William: ar
dinks i'd mighct be betterish 10 shtop
dem z0cialisd babers dot makes all dis
vOOlishncss. don't id2" "Yaw, Otto,
yust sent aIoundt ZONE zOldiers tOmnr.
row und CLOSE ub der offices. Der be0-
bles ist zuch zet Of gOnvoundrd vOo's
unit idiots dot dey YOU'D never know dry
vos boor und ragged uut shtArving, ven
dey don't haf Zome editor ash told dem
abOu1t 1t, eh?"
REMEDY ron HARD TIAEs.-Stop spending
so much on fine clothes, rich food and style.
Buy good healthy food, cheaper and better
clothing; get more real and substantial
things of life everyway, and especially stop
the foolish habit of running after expensive
and quack doctors or using 80 much Of the
vile humbug medicine that does you only
harm, and makes the proprietors rich, but
put your trust in this greatest Of all simple,
pure remedies, Hop Bitters, that cures always
at trihing cost, and you will see better
~, oi"ei ana EIou neS,tn, ei,, iry ONCE HsAH
" - '". "
"A young man from tne country
ooiIarn Iii :" to ,O%n nsvah aIJ u n,O,,' "'"E'spn
seating him, the operator told him to
~ somotsin0 nv 1 "%as,S'i .. w. S"id, ..,s,''H
-, ,'onr III to.,,hi 80 - '~S ~
Oo:soss,er ., ,ba ,"nn ,.t 'ot
H i"nnin" m ~ s"o s"i"ia SDs % ;'I.n,Sr
,Sa 6onS.o 81 Sbe wan, har.a .,;,h oa.S "
ar ,eIIou lac, nIoSt "a sha nsn ~"o ~ -,
,hnndsr Co. 'nais. IL aa',,S.",f', % % ~ ~
~ hnr hmt ,ha r,oased 49, Sn'us"t
Uot ,nr'hoo'nI, 1 P0"u sAP'0sou was
wv 'oHs'
The last feathrr.-'While the monkey
OF an organ grinder was quietly sitting
upon barrel In full costume terrier
dog made dash at him, The monkey
a,r', a%aou 'ie U.s'.nH"t a vi such i'nuloV'
oO'o heu4uhltg thob tho uok was uOO-