The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-02-28
VARIETIES,

The man who predicted that there
would be only three inches of ice this win
ter will not go into the almanac business
permanently.
Careful housewife Qifting a shoe from
the soup tureen) tia who'd a thought
baby's shoe would turn up in the soup p
But knew it wasn't lost. never lost any.
thing"
"A smart scholar had this question put
to him by an Inspector: "Well my boy, do
you know what syntax means9" The
child of teetotaller answered eyes, sir,
the duty upon spirits"
Fat people who drink vinegar to make
themselves lean should run country news
paper. They can get so thin at the bust
ness that they will have no difficulty at all
in hiring out as buggy whips.
swell, I always make it rule to tell
my wife everything that happens" observ-
ed Browning. "Oh, my dear fellow, that's
nothing" said smithwig; 81 tell my wife
lots of thing that never happen at all"
Mistress Ito servant who has called
about situation } there are no children,
ONLY two in family" Servant: "Will you
show me over the 'ouse, mum, as I never
take situation, mum, till I've seen what
sort of 'ouse the 'ouse is, num-"
"A bright little three year-old, living on
Elm street, while her mother was trying to
get her to sleep, became interested in some
outside noise. She was told that it was
caused by cricket, when she eagerly OBJ
served: Mamma, think he ought to be
Oiled"
AT recent marriage in suburban
town the bridegroom, when asked the i'm
portant question if he wouldta the lady
for better or for worse, replied in hesita-
ting manner, "well, think will" Upon
being told that he must be more positive in
his declaration, he answered: "Well, l
don't care if 1 do"
"A Detroit young woman tried to be
aristocratic and did not look at the money
that she gave to the horse car conductor,
but he meekly gave her back the lozenge,
on which was inscribed, "I'll never cease
to love thee" and said that he was an Or
phan with five little brothers to support
and must be excused.
An art critic going into a gallery in a
state of mild inebriation to criticise some
pictures, sees himself in glass, and taking
out his note book, writes as follows: First
room head of drunkard, no signature;
has great deal of character red nose re-
markably truthful. Must be q portrait
from life; think I've seen that face some
where"
ibid you say that never missed
drink, sir ?" asked a man of neighbor, in
an angry and threatening manner. 81 may
have done so, replied the neighbour but
you know never drink, and detest the smell
of liquor" said the other. "Well, then"
returned the neighbor, "you never miss
drink do you9" That put the matter in
different light, and they took a-emoke to-
gether.
"A young bachelor who had been APP
pointed sheriff was called upon to serve an
attachment against beautiful young wild
ow. He accordingly called upon her and
said: MADAME, have an attachment for
you" The widow blushed and said his
attachment was reciprocated. "You don't
understand me; you must proceed to court"
81 know it's leap-year, sir, but l prefer you
to do the counting" "Mrs. P this is no
time for trifing the justice is waiting
"The justice! Why, prefer parson."