The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1879-06-25

Keep the head cool By temperance
in all things, andsthc feepwarn, BY
actual exercise in esdischarge of
important duties, deeds Of kindness.
R"Alcohol will clean silver Yes,
alcohol we'll stuck 10, will clean all
the silver you hayer-out Of your
pockets" M
An enthusiastic editor wrote dur.
ling an election, sThc battle Is now
opened;F but alasl tie intelligent
compositorspelt" battle withan Co."
and his readers say they have siis.
.pected it all along.
A compositor, in setting up tho
toast:- Woman without her, man
would be savage" got the punctu-
alton in the wrong place, which
made ii read: woman without her
man, would be savage"
y ~. d l y q ~ AZ b. u
Achap whohad for ten consecutive
New Years, made vow to smoke no
more, and broke il as often as made,
says he decided this year to contiu-
Iue smoking, and quit lying instead.
He who freely praises what he
means to purchase, aud who enumer-
ates the faults of what he means to
sell, may set upa partnership with
honesty.
Never say any evilof a man but
what you ikuow. He that easily
credits an 'eyil report is almost as
faulty as the first inventor ofit; for
Though you do not make, set you
Fconnionly y.propagate aalie 'iz
A six.year old boy, who hadibeen
imprisoned az. stairs for. some mis-.
chief, "raised' a fine brood Of chick
ems BY fishing with hook and line
from his prison window M
1t is entertaining to note the vari-
lety Of opinion tllatprevails regarding
perfect happiness. The printer, for
instance, imagines that the millcn-
lnium means a time when he will get
fifty cents per thousand ems, and
bedstead Stats will be used instead Of
leads. 5i''s
If you take your girl to a saloon to
treat her on apple turnoyers, try one
first and see if there is any apple in
them. A feigned tart never won fair
lady. 4
"Do you call that a. veal outlet,
waiter?" said a customer; @why, it's
an insult to every true calf in tho
country sI didn't mean to insult
you sir" eaid the waiter.
aDqes your sister Annie ever say
anything about me?' inquired an
anxious lover, "Yes"replied thelit-
tie girl; "she said II you had rockers
on your shoes they'd make nice era
dlesp
There is no situation that cannot
discover lower depth. Here is q
newspaper comforting q man who
has lost both legs with theginforma-
tionthat he won't horeafterbe troub-
led with corns.
A manin spencerwhose wife died
a few days ago, had the funeral put
offa day longer, toenable himtoplant
his potatoes, lie. said it wouldn't
make any difference to her, as she
was always a good-paturcd little soul.
Nebraska City News says "The
foolish man taketh his wife to
church sociablc, and spendetb FIVE
dollars for ice cream and cake. The
wise man alloweth his wife to serve
on the refreshment committee, and
when Intervening cometh hegoeth to
that church sociable witha market.
basket. If his wife has improved
her opportunities, he comethaway
ahead Of the game.7 d
An old 2farmefsin England, hugely
puzzled by our meteorological reports
andtransatlantic prophecies concern
ing the weather, is said to have de-
livcred himself of the following as
founding sentimentNsWell, sp, Islid
not mind the weather 50 much when
ii wasuHangedand ordered BY Prov
idence; but now that il has been
handed over 10 them interfering
Yankees, Why be hanged If can
stand IT,