The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-03-20
PASSING SMILES.

taught to pray, not for luxuries or dain.
ties, but for daily bread.
Do nothing as it were trifing; slur
no part of your work; in everything
seek to do your best. Whatever Is worth
doing, is worth doing we'll.
A MORE glorious victory can not be
gained over another man than this, that
when the injury began on his part, the
kindness should begin on ours.
al CURSE the hour we were married."
exclaimed an enraged husband to his
better half. To which she mildly re-
piled, "Don't, my dear, for that is the
only happy hour we have ever seem"
+ "DOT vos mean choke" said Hans,
after he had got through coughing, and
found out that somebody had thrown
Scotch snuff into his mouth while he
was snoring.-Cincianati Saturday Night.
AN orator who was much in demand
in political campaigns, being asked by
an admirer the secret of his success, re-
piled: "When have facts, l give 'em
facts; but when I haven't, I yell and
saw the air."
SOME friends are just like a soft
shelled egg-so long as they are handled
very carefully they are as good as any
other; but should you give them little
thrust, they fiat out, and are not worth
trying to pick up.-Pulaska Democrat.
A ST. LOUIS man proposes that the
fines imposed in the courts be devoted
to the completion of the Washington
Monument. It would be a fine monu-
ment then, wouldn't it?-Caacinnati
Saturday Night. " z q. s
She is my Makers creature, and therefore good
She is my mother, for she gave me birth
She is my tender nurse, she gives me food;
But what a creature, Lord, compared with Thee2
Or what's my mother my nurse to me2
So g1is5 -Ffuncfs Qacrles
NEW ORLEANS has streets with queer
names-Prytania, Rampant, Calliope,
Chartres, Magazine, Royal, Common,
Julia, Esplanade, Roman, Elysian,
Fields, Carondelet, Bourbon. We guess
that the last is a popular. thoroughfare.
Chicago Times.
WHAT'S sauce for the goose" Pas
senger Tin second class)-s" think I've
got into the wrong carriage" Ticket
Inspector (sternly) 1.-THE difference
must be paidl" Passenger triumph
antly)-.' Oh, Just sol Then Pll trouble
you for three shillings; Pve frst-class
ticket p'-London Punch. r.
HE was handsome young man who
bowed ladies into the store. He cut
another fellow out of his girl, where
upon the other fellow put UP an artistic
shade over his optics. Then he wrote
to the inconstant one in an ironic vein:
Come to the bower I have shaded for
thee.a ss ~7
The Arkansas Legislature took re-
cess the other day to witness bowie
knife advertisement between the minor
ity and majority of the Ways and Means
Committee. While the doctors were
sewing up the minority, the majority
got in their report, which was unani-
mously adopted. {.
The Franc Comtoise tells of boar
hunt lately where wounded boar,
rushing between the legs of hunter
who had turned aside to avoid him, and
| who happened to be Mayor of neigh.
boring village, carried him of, the
Mayor hanging on by the beasts ears.
After going some distance his Honor
contrived to slip off the brute's back
unhurt. 1t was subsequently killed
and its head presented to the Mayor.
The sisters had not been on the most
loving terms for some time, when one
day lady visitor praised the good looks
of the offspring of one. " How much he
looks like Mrs. Black" said she.
especially when he laughs" Mrs.
Black was expressing her pleasure at the
com mpliment implied, when the infant
terrible blurted out, Mamma says I
look like fool when taught" Tableau.
-Neso York Commercial.
| THE WAY SOME EDITORS DO II.
| The editor sat Oh three-leg.ed s.ool,
Upon the upper floor,
| And quietly grasped his best exchange,
| For he wanted AGO umn more.
He stabbed 1t with his scissors,
| And stole the funny staff,
And whistIed down the copy.
| With all the credits scis ,ored of,
Then placed his thumbs wi hin his vest
And connivingly did lsuEh,
| And said my readers will never know
/ But what wrote that paragraph.
| But the BILIOUS Bulge acress the street
| (Although it may seem strange) --
Was out three hours in advance,
Made up from the same exchange
| Court Journal.
IT'S glorious to stand at the back
window and view the resplendent sun
rise vauiting Ger the eastern leafess
forest, to mark the deepening glow of
the god of day as he tolls away with his
little kerosene can and fools around with
the ash sitter, and the beauty of it all is
that you are too far away to hear his
wife shout from under the bed-clothes,
"Ain't you got that fire lighted yet,
Solp-M. Y Medical Revieac.
"THE laugh of child! What can
equal it? inquiries an enthusiastic
writer. Nothing. There's absolutely
nothing that will equal the laugh of 8
freckled-faeed boy of eight, when he
opens colossal mouth ornamented
with drunken row of blackened and
crumbling teeth, and elects copper
plated howl that forces every hair II
your head into an upright position, ano
fairly unioints your medulla oblongata
l-Rocklana Courier. = --..--
TIE Hosritahle Jones" Yes, we'rt
in the same old place where you dinet
with us last year. By the by, old man
| wish you and your wife would conn
and take pot-luck with us, again on th'
-" The Impulsive Brown Tin tn
eagerness of his determination. neye
again to take pot-luck with the Joneses
-"My dear fellow! So sorryl Blu
, we're engaged the-a-en the-er-ol
. th-th-that EVENING" Poor Jone
, (patheticallylE" Well, old man, yo'
: might have given me time just to nam
: the day.-London Punch.
5 The following is told of Gen. Pelissier
t Seme years ago Pelissier, on parade on
r morning, got angry with sous officer
a cavalry regiment, whose tenus SCENE
b to him quite defective. He abused tn
e man most violently, and cut him acros
! the face with his whip. The ma
: seized one of his pistols, and endeavore
to fire at his commanding officer, br
4 the pistol missed fire. Pelissier, sweal
. ing a fearful oath, but otherwise cain
. said, "Fellow, l order you three day
arrest for not having your arms in be
n ter order!" '.'' s'li ss-itis1
:. Like Son Like Father.
J, A young man in Boston aad recently n