The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1879-02-06
PLEASANT THOUGHTS.

A butcher sold sailor a ham on credit,
but finding in few days that he had
gone to sea, he growled, "1f I'd known
he wasn't going topay for it I'd Il charged
him threepence more pound for it, the
rascal"
Come, now, let all of us who are think
ing of buying our wives diamond rings
and gold watches for Christmas pause
moment and reflect that barrel of flour
will make whole family happy
Detroit Free Press.
"Could you, said young lady teacher,
latter what have been reading to you
forgive your enemy? that is, could you
forgive another boy it he struck yOu?'
"Why, yes,' said the little rustic,
doubling his fists, "if he was good deal
bigger than me-"
II will and bequeath," said Pat, ''to
my beloved wife Bridget all my property
without reserve, to my oldest son Patrick
onashalf of the remainder, and to Dennis,
my younger son, the rest. If anything is
lett, it may so to Terence O'Carty i'll sweet
Ireland
History of yellow fever in New Orleans
III Jes tole yer, Mis- Auduson, dis
eppumdimmy wuz hard on de cullud
folk. Dere wuz mo- fussin an mo- nussin
n mo- cussin, an dis yere place wuz jes
second Sockem an Tomorrer. You heah
mel'-N. o. Times.
A witness, in describing certain events,
said, "The person saw at the head of
the stairs was man with one eye named
JACOB Wilkins" "What was the name Of
his other eye2" spitefully asked the
opposing counsel. The witness was
disguised at the levity Of the audience.
A worthy but poor minister requested
a loan of fifty dollars from the Castles of
bank, and in the note requesting the
favor he said he would "pay in ten DAYS
on the faith of Abraham; The cashier
returned word that by the rules of the
bank the endorser must reside in the
State.
An 1rishman found government
blanket recently, and rolling it up under
his aim walked off, saying, "Yis, that's
moine-U for Patrick and s for McCarty.
Be me sowl, but this larnin's foinc
thing, as me tayther would say, for if
hadn't any education wouldn't have
been after findin' me blanket"
The last novel begins: lit was IN a
horse car, one rainy evening. A man en-
tered AID asked pleasant. looking youth
comfortably settled in corner, to give
up his place to his female companion. A
cheerful answer in the affirmative was
given; but for his politeness the accomo.
dated parties returned no thanks.
An eccentric wealthy gentleman stuck
up board in field upon his estate,
upon which was painted the following:
II will give this field to any man who is
contented." He soon had an applicant.
swell. sir, are you a confronted MANI"
eyes, sir, very" "Then what do YOU
want with my tield2" The applicant did
not stop to reply.
A young man who sent a manuscript
play to theatrical manager had it re-
turned to him, with the remark that if he
would only work it over so as to make
the heroine rob the bank instead of de-
fend it, and afterwards climb up cat
aract on slack rope, with a safe on her
back, while the detectives paused fright
ened on the brink, it might do.
A young Scotch girl inquired of a
gentleman, in broad Scotch, the road to
the fremont House. He desired her to fol-
low him. and asked her how long she
had arrived from Scotland. "sax weeks.
your homer" On their arrival at their
destination she very coolly inquired,
moo, sir, wall YOU just tell ME hoo We
kenned was frae Scotland"
The longer I live, the more do become
satisfied that nothing is so good for peo.
pie who are in deep trouble as real hard
woodwork that not only occupies the
hands, but the brain; work on which: one
lavishes the best part of the heare-Elltio.
Any one deep in trouble can have buck
cav y. and wood pile oy applying at this
ottice.-Detroit Free Press.
My friend, the foreigner, called on me
to bid farewell before he Quilted town,
and on his departure he said, II am going
at the country" I Yentured TO correct