The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-12-09


Join W. Whittier.
And in the valley bugs are leaping.
And lazy tramp is soundly sleeping.
Croquet mallets can now be used for
potato Washers.
Happy times 10 LeadvilIe again. Lots
of fun. Two lynchings day.
This is the winter of our discomfort
says the livery-stablemen plenty Of
sleighs, but no snow"
Boston has debt of see, Az, 900, caused
most likely by the girls wearing eve glasses
and eating beans.
Learn to say nc" says the preacher
Y es, especially if you are talking to book
agent. Speak right out.
The new year, it Is expected, will find
the same old army of liars-men who
swear off, and then drink worse than ever
before.
Does man show his relative strength
when he marries his Grst cousin P Lock
port UniOn
1t depends on how hard his wife car
strike.
Some enterprising Snowman wants tbs
privilege of exhibiting Sitting Bull
| throughout the country There may be
millions 10 il, but if Sitting Bull should
happen to arise some night and clean out
the audience at the muzzle of his Thomas
Ratchet the spectators will wish they had at
tended donation party or a turkey rattle.
-Elnairt; Gazette.
Gradations of pie run down the scale
| this way: At home generous half. well
seasoned ani palatable; at a restaurant a
quarter, dry and indigestible: at board
ing house, sixth. lots of crust and mighty
little pie; at a church fair. an eighth with
blessing by the pastor to give it rich
ness-Neao HaUcn Register.
Some Of the opponents Of hanging sug-
gest electricity as substitute for the rope.
But isn't electricity more shocking
death than hanging? Why not abolish
capital punishment altogether. and SEN
tence the murderer to read every line in a
would this be torture ?-Norristoson Her,
aid
The Toronto corset makers are on a
strike. Their employers have pulled the
strings, too tight for them, and the girls
won't be soaced, but have instituted a
stay of proceedings, declaring they won't
waist their time; and of corsets too much
to expect that they will bone down to work
W.luuul pIupeI pdy. Zip! HIU! uuTTau
for the girIs.-T5ronto Graphic
Why, hello, Charley T. was the inior
mal greeting extended to Governor elect
Foster by Governor Bishop, OF Ohio. as
he entered the atter's Office in Columbus,
| the other day. That was friendly, tamili-
ar, and Democratic, ali at once.-Zndidn
dpoIiS Journal
Secretary Sherman estimates that it
| will take 1894 100000 to run the govern
| ment next year. We are entitled to q
| legitimate first class performance for that
| money. A better than we have lately
enjoyed ought to be had a great deal
| cheaper Philadelphia Record.
General Bob Toombs says he means by
Death to the Union!" that he wants
Grant as Dictator, with the end of our
present form of government. This wish,
remarks the Lynchburg Ttrgin1aa, might
suggest the thought that the first and
best thing the Dictator could do would be
to hang Toombs. By so doing, he would
squeich gas bag, and do the South and
country real service. We heartily agree
with our contemporary. and second the
mothlon ''-Richnaond Ia State
There is beautiful appropriateness in
the fact that the message of a fraud was
obtained by fraud. Can it be possible that
Mr. Hayes himself peddled out his gmess-
age to the highest bidder? Or did he
farm out this privilege to his private Sc
eretary. as sort of perquisite, to enable
him to exc out his scanty salary ?-Bdltt-
more EUenipg Bulletin.