The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-12-06
VARIETY.

Many a mans conscience is just as good as new
ut forty for the simple reason that it has never
been used.
According to the New York Express, it is the
boy on top OF the molasses hogshead who sings :
"a Oh for thousand tongues
Governess - Now, Jack, If were to give
twelve pears 20 Maude, ten to Edith, and three
to you, what would it be % Jack (aged Sky /:
a. IL wouldn't be fair"
A young doctor spends his leisure hours in
pracsicing on the cOrnet, and passers-by, think
ing an amputati0u is going on inside, are delu-
ded as to the number Of the mans patients
"a He made too free with it when he was here
before - was the way a mild-mannered Allan
ia Georgia, man met the suggestion that Gen.
Sherman should be given - the freedom Of the
city"
julius, was you ever in business - OF course
I was ~ What business p - A sugar plan
ter - When that?'' - De day buried
dat old sweetheart Of mine.
Alta funeral service in SIawson last week.
the minister, in his remarks, was dwelling upon
the loss to the husband of the deceased, when the
worthy spoke up: - Never mind me. just
throw your heft on the corpse. II DaH6ury
NeI1s.
LADY (stopped with her husband at a seaside
fishing EiIIage)-And is Mr.. Smith at home
Girl-Yes m he has been home, but has gone
out again Lady-Oh Did he say where he
was going2 Girl don't know, m IN, but he
said something about going to get shaved and
bamboozlcd. nm.
A 79-year-old maid, who was quite Ill in John
stown told the doctor she had never been hug
ged by a man in her life, and asked for kiss.
The gallant doctor complied with the request,
of course, and she got we'll. When the doctor
got home and told his story to his wife, he got
well; he is balder than he was. This is true
tale.
party Of Boston ladies who were spending
the summer in little town not far from the
White Mountains, attended a fair which was
held by the ladies Of one Of the churches. Wish
ing to appear properly interested, one OF the
visitors asked the manager what the proceeds
were to be devoted to. g Well,'' was the hesl-
tatIng reply, % we amt just certain whether
we'n buy ice-cream freerer or hearse.''
Everybody will be pleased that inventor is
getting up new patent chair for dentists. The
invention has been exhibited in Wheeling, and
the Leader thus describes it: "a concealed
spring in it runs a tack up through the seat, and
while the patient is bowling, and his attention is
diverted by the attack below, the tooth is yanked
out
:" Mr.. Holloway, the prince Of English pill
makers, has devoted 81 ,250, 900 to the erection
of college for the higher education Of women,
and proposes to endOw it with S5OO,OOO, exclu-
sive Of some land" II Holloway bad been an hon.
est editor or conscientious minister, in the place
Of wholesale pill maker and tOrmenter OF his
race, he would not have been able TO give poor
tramp Ten cents to assist him to plate Of cOrned
beef Bee
Louisville young woman writes to a modest
and stupid youth - Yes, when you ask me il
I would marry yOu-Oh I ought not to have
done it, I suppose, but then, il was such an op-
pertunity, and so I smiled the cue to you and
answered never. And you, stupid, you froze
and eowed like a telegraph pole and left. Oh,
dear me and I certainly thought at this day
there was nobody under the sun so unpardOnably
Obtuse and so far behind the age and rage that
he would not instantly have met me with,
. What, neVer?' and give me the chance to re-
ply, Well, hardly ever -
II we accustom a lap-dog to live on chicken,
cakes and eream-to warm washings, aromatic
soaps, blue ribbons, and soft rugs-we do per-
haps a silly thing; bat IL after all this petting
we turn him out in the cold without a bone, we
do n cruel thing Nor is the matter amended if
we have drilled him into perfect obedience,
taught him to bark at certain signs, to sit up
and beg and to keep buscuit on his nose till
he il told TO eat it for all these arts and accom-
pIishments will neither get him a crumb nor
spare him q trick in the crowded streets. But
this is virtually the practice Of many parents to-
wards their grown up daughters. who are kept
in kind Of stalled ease and plenty, are required
to look to them for the commonest decision, and
who, having been disciplined exactly in those
Qualities which will least help them in the bat
tie Of life, wake up one sad morning with the
bitter blast Of poverty blowing upon luxurious
habits and With the consciousness OF not exceIl-
ing IN one single thing that can be exchanged
for bread.