The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1879-03-04
Turning a joke on Artemus Ward.

Arteffns was ,ecturing, with hi'
panorania Of Salt Lake, in Canada
and as b'fsihess was good he w,s il
correspondingly high spirits, and his
pockets were full Of coin.
The day before they we're to leave
Smith told Ward that as silks were
SO much cheaper ip the British Pos.
sessions than in the United States he
had purchased large piece OF silk
and was going to take it to his vile
as a present. Ward was pleased
with the idea, and in the same conf
dence told Smith that he had also
purchased a piece Of melton cloth. and
both conferred with each other as to
the best way to secrete the goods so
as to pass the custom-house. t
Ward suggested to Smith to wrap
the silk around his body and Smith in
turn advised Artemus to place his
cloth within tile folds of his pano-
rama of Salt Lake. They each agreed
to take the others advice, and Smith
left in the morning to go over to the
State in advance. The bundle of
silk wound around him made him
feel quite uncomfortable, especially
when he came 70 the custom house
and interrogating about his baggage
commenced.
The official was very polite, and
passed his baggage without MUIR
MUIR aud then invited him to his
private Office, handed him a cigar, and
begged him to take a. seat.
The heat of the room began to
make Smith very nncomi Portable, and
he arose to 60,
"Be seated, sir" said the official,
IL want to have a little chat with
YOU l.arlr .f
"No; / must be going, said the
genial John, Il can't stand sitting so
long aad. then. we a great deal to
attend to-" lsN 'esf F1Is c-i t
You seem to be a very stoutish
kind of a man." said the officer.
"Yes," said Smith, his face getting
red and the warmth Of the silk in
crcasing. "I'm pretty solid, but /
can't stand hot ROOM
"Ahl" said the inspector, "what's
the trouble? Anything the matter
with your chest or lungs? 7'ae' y
Only slight oppression" replies
Smith. ,..-
Oppression about the lungsl" ex-
claimed the officer, rising and advan-
cling toward the suifocating agent.
Let me make an examination for
you, sir; it may be dangerous. Please
remove your coat"
"lt's nothing; it will soon pass
away" replied Smith. inwardly pray
ing for chance to escape. ~
"My dear friend you should not
allow yourself ro suffer moment"
said the officer, "and l insist upon
examining your chest. Doubtless !
can relieve You of all your troubles"
The Inspector insisted. and the
discounted agent, after vainly trying
to escape from his solicitation. finally
acknowledged the corn, and confessed
to having the concealed silk upon his
person. H7II
The officer laughed heartily and
said: 81 knew it all the while.
"Here's letter | received this morn
ing" and he handed Smith letter
written by Mr., Ward, informing the
inspector that smuggler would en-
deavor to pass quantity of silk. des-
cribing Smiths appearance, and
claiming one half of the reward for
the information. Smith was indig-
nant of course, but determined TO get
even with the incorrigible Joker, so
he told the officer about Ward hav-
ing the ioll OF cloth concealed in his
panorama.
The inspector appreciated the joke,
and let Smith go with small penalty.
The next morning Artemus Ward
arrived at the custom-house with his
panorama, when the inspector COM
menced intcrrogating him. and in
sisted upon his letting him have
glimpse of his beautiful pictures.
Ward tried every excuse. but the
official was importunate, and finally
he was compelled to have his man un-
wind one section of the panorama
before the inspector. 'pA.HA3f
Artemus stood by and explained
the views until suddenly the cloth
came to light and as it slowly un-
wound in front of the pictures Ward
struck an attitude like his perform
ance upon the stage, andM in the
drawl Of the exhibitor said: "This
view is slightly incumbered with
twenty yards of melton cloth. That
id Smith told you all about it.
What's the damage?
The Inspector soon settled the
question Of charges, and for once Ar
tepus found himself caught by his
own joke.--E1change. -
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