Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-06-13

..When | was a boy" said a very prosy.
long -windrd orator TO his friend, Il used
to talk in my sleep" "And now" said
his friend, lyon sleep in your talk" But
somehow that didn't seem to be Just ex-
actly the point the orator was going to
make. - burlington Hdtrkcye.
The recipe for the following dainty is
said to have been inherited from AleXan-
Dire Dumas the elder. The dainty is call
ed .imchOis Monte CristO. You take n
Spanish olive, and you put rolled an
chOvy in the place of the kernel then
Won put the olive into an ortolan, the or
tolan into a quail, the quail into pheas-
ant, the pheasant into turkey, the tnr-
key into little pig you roast the latter
for five hours then you cast away every
outward envelope to the dogs, and you
keep only" The olive ?" You glut-
ton, the anchoyy! !"
The parson had exchanged pulpits with
an eloquent brother How did you like
the sermon. Mrs Simplegood ?" said DR.
Jones's wife, all excitement after her in
tellectnal treat. We'll, | tell you what
it is, Mis- Jones replied the old lady,
contidentially, Il 5 pose you young folks
like this sort a preachin', and its natral
YOU should, but did miss the parson ter
day I've got So used 10 him, yer know,
that / allus know list what he's goin' to
say when he opens his mouth, I've hearn
him SO many year. yer know. But ter
DAY, why, couldn't tell what was coming
five minutes ahead.
A well-to-do Irishman, in speaking of
the efforts of some Of his unprincipled
and impecunious countrymen to bring
about "A division Of property, dye see,
expressed preference for retaining in his
own deed Zone undivided lot To have and
to hold-heirs and assigns forever" &C.,
and WIS constrained to condemn any
movement locking toward such division,
by giving utterance To these words No
sooner does a man get little house and a
bit Of garden that he has worked hard
for. than another blackguard comes along
and wants to take it away from him..
He was exceedingly well .'braced up
for 80 early in the morning, and, as he
looked wonderingly skyward, he solilo-
quized Seems to me- hic, ther's mex
ira mount Of o sunlight 'smorning hic,
a pair q Soils hic par % Sols-goo' Joke,
hic, put IT III the papers, hic, and, as he
stumbled over the curbmg to an easy scat
IN the gutter, lac gave way to II burst of
merriment that WAS only hushed a. he
was escorted To- his feet and n hard bench
in the police station by a brass-buttoned
minion of the lnw-Nc,c Harea Regis
tsr
A child two years old explained to "A
visitor, who was endeavoring to get some
response from an old lady who muttered
and seemed not to understand, 'RobbinA
deaf You can't hear her.
Miss Calino goes for the first time Ia
Sc, the sea at Dirppe. At her departure
for home, her sister recommends her 10
carry back some sea water IN n bottle.
She goes down Ia the shore and fills her
vial with water Better not fill 1t up
like that missy" said sailor, ''bekasc,
il h.in' low water now, when the tide rises
it'll bust your bottle" Miss Calino, quite
convinced empties half the water Ia her
vial and departs
A Saving Clusa tScene-Dimer par
ty on the finish of second cOurse.j MIR.
Host "Dh, Mr., Brown, could assist
you to u small piece more fish = Mrs.
Brown (whu has been raised above her
original posilionD "Oh, no, thank You /;
| am quite satislied-leastways as regards
the fish. '--Jadg.
"Sympathetir irSister-Don'tb he 10 cross,
Billy. What's the matter with you
Billy-Why, Tommy Stubbs has got the
measles. and amt Sympathetic Sister
Never mind, there 'ull be plenty of
measles left when he's done with EN-; be
II good boy and mind all Sunday school
taycher tells you and perhaps you'll have
EN-, too, some day. -LOHiOH FUH
A. TO KISSING.
some say that kissing's sin,
hut say ii's name ava.
For kissing Is wonned IA this warll,
Ever since there were iva.
oh, II II wasna lAwiu',
Lawyers wadna ALLOW A.
II u was ma holy,
Ministers wadna do H.
II It wasna modest
Maideus walnA tax IT
II II wasna plenty,
Pair fotka wllna get It,
-=Nd Pcew.
NOW doth the misch1evous urchn pro-
eeed to lure the willy mud-turtle from his
subaqueous lair, and 10 engrave upon his
parhydcnnatous integument the inscnp-
ton, "B. &. 63. to the amazement Of the
rustic savans -NODieryiNe Journal
man coming out Of Texas newspa-
per Office with one eye gouged out, his
nose spread all over his face, and one Of
ears chewod of, replied to n policeman
who interviewed him, 81 didn't like an
article that pcarcl in the paper last week,
all went nj ter see the man who writ it,
an he war there IN T. Tribune.
The medium sized boy enjoys his morn
ings practicing base bail, and humiliates
himself afternoons by teasing h,s niothcr
tor half a dollar lo pay for the broken
glass next door, with an earnest plea mot
to let ON before dad '-Nei0 Harcn Reg
isfCr.
A crack Drained young mau, wba was
slightcd hy the fotnales, tery moleatlY
asked II ydung Lady if she wouldn't let him
spend tie evening with her "No," she
ahgrily replied that's what | won't. y
why, he replied, ''you needn't be ~
fussy : II didn't mean tins evening, but
some stormy oua when | cant 90 any
where else.