Connecticut western news., 1879-05-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

Truth is stranger than fiction, for there is less of it.
 Green turtles-those that allow themselves to be caught.
 Money that bank officers get away with is charged to running expenses.
 All things are admired either be- cause they are new, or because they are great.
 Genius of the highest kind implies an unusual intensity of the modifying power.
 An Owego man, the Record says, calls his wife poor excuse, because shes better than none.
 Death, to the Christian, is the funeral of all his sorrows and evils and the res urrection of all his joys.
 -"When is man coward ?' asked a teacher. "When he runs away from a cow" answered pupil.
 To be wise is to feel that all that IS earthly is transient, and to experienoe misfortune is to become wise.
 The Whitehall Times says: Live business men advertise in newspapers, dead ones on the graveyard tombstones.
 -Wouldst know what lesson huns the bee
 With dapper wings unfurled9
 Translated means that sweet bees hum
 .sBees hum thing in the world"
 -Titian, they say, loved to paint red hair. Exactly; and the people who have it love to dye it. It's better than paint.
 There has been no rain in Bengal since Christmas. That comes of trying to run 8 country without weather bureau.
 Of some calamity we can have no relief but from God and what would men do in such case if it were not for God?
 To think kindly of each other IS good. to speak kindly of each other IS better. but to act kindly one toward an- other is best of all.
 -Judge-Have you anything to offer to the Court before sentence IS passed on you? Prisoner-No, Judge, hao $1O, but my lawyers took that. The Waterloo O6serOer says V Tramps would be more numerous tnAu ever were it not for the self-sacrlhclnS women of the land who marry and sup port so many men.
 -"Mr. Jones, you must come into my room soon and see my lovely baoy' said & fond mother to @ fellow lodger. "Thank you, lheard him all last nlgn'' was the equivocal reply.
 -"England to MT. Lorillard- Ere' I say ve deesn't object to Parole, you know; but ven it comes to IS sisters' is cousins and is aunts, that's carrymS theioke too deuced far, you know"
 "A Beacon street lady of Boston, who WAS presented at the Ottawa court late ly. displayed jewels of untold value. Fact. If she had told the value every one would have known they were passe. l A man in the cars was inqulrlng ot a railroad man how it is that the rod that turns the driving wheel works to and fro in the box? He subsequently let drop the information that he was graduate of Harvard.
 Saws the Havkeye "A Des Molnes minister says he has never known ot a fatal case of diphtheria in a house where
 soft coal was used for fuel. Very wen
 tben. it doesn't take us long to make up
 our mind. We'll take the diphtheria every time.
 Saws the Detroit Free Press That ) story of a young mau in Iowa desceno- ! ing the walls of we'll twenty-one tees l deep. and ascending again with a woman ,. weighing one hundred and thirty pounos | under his arm, is all right. It was just l such lies as this that made deorge , Washington the father of his country. : When dull days settle down upon l the European capitalists, some halt-wit- l ted fellow borrows pistol and goes t forth to shoot the king. He IS rarely l successful. but weeks holiday is grant @ ed. with full pay, to everybody, and the t city is lit up with Chinese lanterns, ana, t on the whole, the people hardly Know 8 which is the better man, the would-p' - assassin or the king. y Now, my children.". said Q Sun
 day-school superintendent, who had beel
 talking to his scholars about good peo
 pie and bad people, "when I'm walklnl n in the street I speak to some persons !" meet and don't speak to others, an' l. what's the reason ?" He expected tn B. reply would be Because some are goo 70 and others are bad ;" but to his discom d fture the general shout was "becaus r. some are rich and others are poor. e. Mrs. Ponsonby de Tomkyns writes at ."My dear Mrs. Talbot Browne, we ar h. So dreadfully distressed; but a horri CT previous engagement prevents us frol s, accepting your quite too delightful Il m vitation to dinner on the -" VrN TX yoce.) "Ponsonby." "Yes, my love IT, "What day was it those Talbot Brown' ha people asked us for ?" "The ftteentl ,e. my love-" "This month, or next ot "Next month, my love-" (Writes on .s Fifteenth of next month. I can't t m- you how wretched we both are in cons ,n- quence; and with our kindest regar
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