The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1879-03-28
PEN AND SCISSORS.
West Side crop prospects never look
ed better.

ice water should be taken Of sparingly,
until the ice is thOrouhgly ripe.
EASTERN Oregon has seven newspa-
pers-three Democratic, two Republi-
can, one Independent,and Il hermaphro.
dite.
Bill CHANDLER and the devil have
been connected by telephone for several
years. Before that they telcg,nphed,
using cipher.
TuE only patriots left out in the
cold are Pomeroy, Harlan and Belknap.
Room for the Ilepers! exslaims the
Washington Post.
SALT Lake City has mule that can
count II that mule had been mem
ber Of tho Louisiana returning boar d
Mr.. Tilden would now be President.
A CONTEMPORARY, speaking OF mann
moth egg, asks: "What hen can beat
tAatl' We give it up, never having
heard Of Il hen beating an egg at all.
a SALOON keeper in Philadelphia
advertises curiosity on exhibition,
half human, half beast. Wa are real
sorry Ben Butler has got 30 low down.
Mr. HAYES is showing 30 unexpcct-
ed backbone, says the Baltimore .Yeuos,
isn't it possible that Mrs. Hayes has
Sown a poker in the back of his shirt 7
IT il rumored that during the pres
eat session of the Pennsylvania legis-
lature a bill will be presented to change
the name OF the State from Pehnsyl-
vania to that of Caneronia.
THE Courier Journal Of Louisville
wants to know wha, this world would
be without beautiful widows. Why
bother US with such conundruma at
this busy season of the year
IT is suggested that if Mr.. Hayes,
the ex Governor Of Ohio, was cleaned,
painted and stuffed after he rotires
from the enjoyment Of his stolen sweets,
he would make Il passing cigar store In
dian.
"HE made too id free with il
when he was here before" was the way
mild hammered Atlanta (Ga) man
met the suggestion that General Sher-
man should be given the freedom Of the
city"
TmEY do things with dispatch in
Texas. 4 man in certain noighbor.
hood, who had lost valuable mare,
received the following telegram ::
"Mare here. Come get her Thief
hung
A WOMAN raised to the third power
Of widow. hood has the photographs Of
her three departed lords in a group,
with vignette of herself in the centre
and underneath is the prescription,
"'rhe Lord will provide"
THE Cincinnati Commercial has
formally entered John Sherman as a
candidate for President; but, 30 far,
the st. Louis Times. Journal asserts,
has refrained from any expression in
faver Of Eliza Pinkston for vice Presi-
dent.
THERE are two general elections in
Oregon next year. On the first Mon
day in June we elect Supreme and Cir.
cult Judges, District Attorneys and
Legislative and county officers, and in
November we vote for Presidential
Electors and COngressmen.
In a Christian sewing circle the
other day Bob Ingersoll's unbelief in
future punishment was discussed, and
a lady said, with an emphasis unmis-
taxable: "I'd just like to be Bob
Ingersoll's wife for q short time; I'd
make him believe there is hell-see if
l wouldn't"
The steamer California arrived at
Victoria on the 10th. News from Sitka
is to the effect that the Indians were
frightened at the appearance of the
Osprey, but had every contempt for
the WOIco1. The Osprey had not been
in port five minutes when the Indians
brought in the murdered Browns gun,
ak, boots and etc. The chiefs delivered
up woman who witnessed the murder.
The steamer California will bring down
three witnesses. On the Ilth, the Vol
colt, with detachment of men from
the ey,proceeded up Peril straits, to
intercept the canoes en- route to 5itkai
and headed by Kallan, coming for the
purpose of murder and plunder.
-------~A-
WELL. HARDLY EVER.
Henry Ward Beecher saw a theatric
al performance for the first time in his
life at Broad street Theater in Phila