The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-03-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

aggeration! why hatuiS " 'S"'" "
candidates.
ga mans character" says the Camden PoSt,
lis like a fence You cannot strengthen IL ol
whilewash.' Bat, lI>c II 'onee, /" Wn''e"a'hc"
character lasts longer. Witness Sherman "oo'-
son, &c. .
Mr.. Talmage having claimed that hell has four
rates the Buffalo Express hopes they open out
ward so as TO give egress in case OF fire
In California they make alcohol out OF Dcc'S'
Here thew make beats out Of alcohol
Hearing the murmur of the mighty ocean, the
river run down 90 sea.
If California attempts to sccede and get away
from the Union, it will not be Pacific slope
The way TO let the girls have ball without
costing ANYTHING is not TO let thcn 90 TO a ball.
Then there viii be Il hawi al home.
a Mississippi editor notices that the title OF
Colonel" was never applied to Horace Greeley
"A thorn IN the bush is worth a dozen in the
hand" scntentiously observes the New York
World.
Though his asset, foot up over quarter Of ii
million, they say the Archbishop's Pursc1l still
fall some three millions short of liqudatnS his
debts.
Various projects are again before the lcglsla
lure to amend the constitution. Some members
would find it an Improvement of the constitution
10 drink less Springfield whisky.
Ifyou are in love, Just constitute yourself a
Teller committee" of one, and settle the bust
ness. Time flies; delays are dangerous, rel
ier."-E'1rba59.
New Haven Register: "The New Orleans Ptcd-
,a.,4 says most everything wicked has been tried
Tor the purpose OF saving the old South Church
in Boston. 1t doc, not, however, advise dog
Aghtn
\ Frecport man shot turkeys head off at
distance Of 800 yards. If he didn't, the editor OF
Freeport paper lies. And We never knew an
editor to lie That is, hardly evcr.-ElgiR Lemttr.
Since the fatal baptisinC of that Pennsylvania
old lady in on icy creek, lots OF fellows have
urged their mothers .n-law not to delay joining
the Baptist church until warm weather.
Nothing will rcassure man quicker when he
meets suspicous.lookng stranger in lonely
street, and sees him reaching for his pistol.pock
eli, than to see him pull out q piece of plug to.
nscco instead.
canniba loved cannibacss
BY moonlight oft he used To meet her
He said: "Shc's the height of my happiness;
love her SO that could cat her"
This cannibal and his cannibalcss
Were Henry named and Henrietta;
One night they met in their suelcssncss
TO part no more, for Henry ate her.
TO preserve a good joke so that it will keep
turning up regularly for the next ten years, get
into "patcnt innards' country newspaper.
The Hackcnsack RpuJiicon makes a witty
thrust when it remarks, 'The leaves of trees, like
summer boardcrs with their bills unpaid, take
their departure leaving their trunks behind
them"
The editor of the I.ockport PhOGIi1, after a sea.
son Of profound cogitaton, evolves from his in
ner consciousness the sublime truth that cit is Ia
mcntablc that with all the editors in viii county
damned into one and the surplus used in making
NANCY yellow dogs the result would not produce
an individual capable of running newspaper as
il should be run"
NARY's CHILL.
Mary had little chill
Which gave her heaps OF pain
And when she tried TO shake that chill.
II shook her back again
1t followed her TO school one day,
Which against the rule
1t made the children laugh 10 see
Poor Mary shake in school.
And so the teacher sent her homc,
And babe her take some lie,
10 reconstruct her system ana
To qudatc the bile.
What makes Door Mary have the chills
And shake so awful bads
why doht shc take gross OIL pliis
anu "'"' 81 Ta,js T;,,s,..Jo,,,o,l
TN. 1o,do, tro,lJ relates ,bo to,,opipp.
IT, asa, ,,.oo,.h,,s ,h,, dou,,b. i, stor,,,p,
their congregations. and some old.fashioned pco
pie at Brighton were astoundcd to hear last Sun.
gay tc loiio"nS Comment o anc w. iie t i',.
- clean every whit" an other words " he said
"a man wants no more washing who is clean in
toto (toe,tQeG' The same preacher made the
als VI "oo ''r , VI , T tLn Wv
heated messages of misfortune which came fast
one aiter announcer ne Sr"!tly rcnl'keu;
that he did M, susnrrt this rytraordjnory aeon.
mutation Of trouble of being Il hoax"