River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-11-27
EaEk Twain.

clark Twain.
Following is the full text of Mark
1wan's response:
''Ehe Babies-As they comfort US in
our sorrows, let us not forget them in
our festivities"
/ like that. We haven't all had the
good fortune to be ladies; we haven't
all been generals, OF poets, or states
men, but when the toast works down to
the babies, we stand on common
ground, for we've sill been babies. 1t is
shame that Tor thousand years the
worlds banquets have utterly ignored
the baby-as if he didn't amount to any
thing If you gentlemen will stop and
think a minute-if you will 60 back ff-
ty or q hundred years, to your early
married life, and re-contemplate your
first baby, you will remember that he
amounted to a good deal, and even
something over. You soldiers all know
that when that little fellow arrived at
family headquarters you had to hand in
your resignation.
HE TOOK ENTIRE COMMAND.
You became his lackey, his mere
body servant, and you had to stand
around, too. He was not a commander
who made allowances for time, dis
lance, whether or anything else you
had to execute his order whether it
was possible or not. And there was
only one form of marching in his
manual of tactics, and that was the
double-quick. He treated you With
every sort of insolence and disrespect,
and the blavest Of you didn't dare to
say a word. You could face the death
storm of Donelson and Vicksb,rg, and
give back blow for blow; but when he
clawed your whiskers and pulled your
hair and twisted your nose, you had
to take it. When the thunders Of war
were sounding in your ears, you set
your faces toward the batteries and adj
vanced with steady tread; but when he
turned ON the terrors OF ais war-whoop.
you advanced in the other direction
and mighty glad of the chance, too.
When he called for soothing syrup, did
you venture to throw out any side re-
marks about certain services unbe-
coming an officer and a gentleman?
No-you got up and got it. If he
ordered his pap.boltle, and it wasn't
warm, did you talk back? Not you
you got up and warmed it. You even
descended so far in your menial office
rs to take suck at that warm lnsipid
stuff yourself, to see il it was right
three parts water 70 one OF milk,
touch of sugar to modify the collie, and
a drop of peppermint to kill those i'm.
mortal hiecups. can taste that staif
yet. And how many things you learned
as you went along; sentimental young
folks still took stock in that beautiful
old saying that when the baby smiles in
his sleep, it is because the angels are
whispering to him.
VERY PRETTY But 'Too THIN"
Simply wind on the stomach, my
friends II the baby proposed TO take
a walk at his final nour-2:30 in the
morning didn't you rise up promptly
and remark-with q mental addition
which wouldn't improve q Sunday
school book very much-tbat that was
the very thing you were about to pro-
pose yourself? o, you were under good
discipline. And as you went fiuttering
M and down the room in yeur "un-
dress uniform" you not only prattled
baby talk, but even turned
your martial voices and tried to sing,
"Rockaby baby in tree top" for in.
stance. What spectacle for an army
of he TENNESSEE! And what an afiiic-
ton for the neighbors, too--for il isn't
everybody within mile around tina!
likes military music at three IN the
morning. And when you had been
keeping this sort Of thing up two or
three hours, and your little vclvet-head
tnat nothing snited him ike
exercise aud noise-"Go onl'--what
did you do? You simply went on, til
you disappeared in the last ditch.
The idea that a. baby doesn't amount