Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1879-03-12
THE PiE-EATER.
Varied and Thrilling Adventures Of the
Champion Of Posey County.
Cincinnati t.nluircrD

~ cS, SIT. III the champion PIE
eater of the United States. You've
probably hearn tell Of me-"
"Sit down, Mr.. -
"Guzzlcr, sir. Crampton Guzzlcr,
sir, Of Posey county"
Mr.. Guzzler accepted the prof.
fcrcd chair, set his cone shaped hat
on the tloOr at his side. and swap.
ped legs until they intcrtwincd like
the wires in a bridge cable. Then
he swung his head half way around
until his mouth was on n dead level
with the CRATE, when, after several
sputtering spaslns of the muscles
he fired. Although it was long
range, the pIeeater evidently knew
his calibre. The chain shot struck
the fire amidships, aud the cloud Of
ashes and steam which arose re.
minded one of the effects OF u bomb
in n sand fort.
"Ion see, Mister Editor, !
thought az how I'd step in and tell
you some of my experience during
the two years of my professional
career. You can print it in your
newspaper if you like. | don't
care.n
He turned mp the lapel of his
coat and exhibited badge.
"Dye see tibet. stranger"
EYES" we vcntured. New style
Of buttou!"
"Button! Hell, no. Why, thet's
my badge. Thet's my champion.
ship medal"
Then he let fly a second shot at
the crate, but, being less careful of
his bearing, it went wide Of the
mark and pretty nearly knocked the
fender senSclcss.
"Thcse here fellows what walk )
30 many miles in SD many dissecu.
tive hours are all frauds. Every.
body ought to be able TO walk.
Tibet only requires legs and wind.
But it takes man OF indomitablc
character to eat pie
GLOW did yon first get into the
i"pitSSib'f, VII. tfH/LttS
"Tll tell sc, Mister, how tibet WAS.
One day | cum up hyar to the city
and went to the bakery to get some.
thing to eat. | was ALFRED hun.
CRY, and the first thing ] seed was
II table fnll of fresh baked pies. An
idea struck me. | axed the baker
what he'd take to let me eat as
many of them as | wanted. He
looked at me all over, and after
taking my measure he said might
have a cart blank commission for
fifty cents"
Mr.. Guzzler paused to smile aud
stir up the ashes once more in the
CRATE.
81 took him up and paid my half
dollar rather rashly. he'd no
sooner done it than regretted nv
rashness, kinder, and | offered him
a dime to let the off, and Id pay for
what got. But he said u bargain
was bargain. Then I got mad
and set to work, beginnin' with the
specie called apple. ] had absorbed
eight pies, and was on the pint ct
qnartering a pumpkin beauty when
become aware that the baker was
interested. When the third pump.
KIN pie had succumbed he tried to
buy me Oft. Said he'd give me back
a quarter if Id call it square. | !
had got my hand in, and reckoned
l might just as well sec how far | |
could go without Dustin a blood
vessel. Then tackled a new row |
and laid 'em in promiscuous like. !
There were just forty-two pies Of
assorted variety on that table, and !
| swsmped 'em all. If the pies
hadn't give out might have found |
my capacity then and there, The |
baker was speeckess. | axed him
Twice before he could answer wheth. !
Dr. he knew of any tavern near by !
where ! could get a square meal. |
BE said he didn't, but there was a
,ork house out at the Stock Yards.
A. went cut of the door | heard
lin tell his boy to 60 and build the
lre up in the oven again. |