davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21

NOTHING IN IT.-The old gentleman who threw the paper down the other morning with the impatient ejaculation,
 "Oh, there's nothing in it P and went out to look at his garden, was the same one who, coming back half an hour later and discovering that his wife had cut up the paper into patterns, thereupon rip ped around like a yellow jacket, broke an important commandment and win dow pane by kicking cat through it, turned over bucket of clabber on the new carpet and the baby, and finally de- parted with slam of the door that clat- tered the crockery to the uttermos parts of the house, and with whitening malediction on "these gaxl-busted wo- men, anyhow l"
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21
Stories of Brute Intelligence.

A writer in Nature says: "In my family we have tabby cat who, when turned out, would let herself in at an- other door by climbing up some list nailed round it, then pressing up the click-latch, pushing the door, with her. self hanging on it, away from the post, so as to prevent the latch falling back into It's place, and then dropping down and walking back to the fire. knew Skye terrier who, being told to carry fishing rod, carefully experimented along it's length, to find its centre of gravity. In carrying it he came to a narrow path through a wood. There dropping the rod he took it by the end, and dragged it under him lengthwise till the open road was gained, when he took the rod by the centre of gravity again and went on. This could not be copy of human actions, but the result of original reason ing" Another writer gives the follow ing on the authority of the late MT. Dawes, the astronomer: Being busy in his garden and having large bunch of keys in his hand, he gave it to a retriever to hold for him till he was at liberty. Going into the house soon after he for got to reclaim the keys. The remem- brance of what he had done with them only returned to him when he required them in the evening. He then recalled that he had given them to the dog, and forgotten to take them again. Calling the animal, and looking impressively in
 his face, he said, s'My keys fetch me my keys" The dog looked wistful an6
 puzzled for moment and then bounded
 off to the garden, his master following
 He went straight to the root of an apple
 tree, scratched up the keys and brough them. May we not fairly put into word
 the dog's train of reasoning thus "M.
 master has given me these keys to hold
 he has forgotten them; I cannot carr, ! them all day but must put them il safety where I can find them again 1? A terrier-ike dog named Uglymug ha' , poodle for companion. Wheneve , Uglymug saw signs of family meal, h , inveigled the poodle into g labyrinthin
 shrubbery under pretence of seekin for rats, and when the latter was fairl intent on it's game, Uglymug woul f sneak back to enjoy by himself what h could get from the family table.
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21
The FIirt at the Theatre.

She sat in the front row of the parquet circle the other night, and when she wasn't flirting with the gentlemen whose faces she could see, she was discussing the people on the stage. She was a b eautiful blonde, with dark brown eyes, and her face attracted much attention. A fair, white skin rosy, dimpled cheek lips like the cherries that grow nearest the sun, in the top of the tree; pearly teeth, the regular rows of which showed themselves whenever she chose to let her musical laugh be heard (which was often), and apretty shaped head, crowned with 8 wealth of golden hair and the cunningest of hats. She talked aloud, and even made up faces at the gentle men who stared at her. Ordinarily such character, even though female beau ty, would have been unpleasant at the theatre, but somehow everybody seemed pleased with the lady. If T. G.'s glass did not deceive him, she was about four years old. The only portion of the play she seemed to understand and appreci- ate was a love making scene.
 When the laughter that followed the exit of the lovers in the play had sub- sided, the little one turned to young lady and said in perfectly audible voice:
 "Della, 'at's dess e way cousin Deorge tissed oo'e uver day"
 The star was much disconnected to hear roar of laughter from portion of the audience just as she made her tragic entrance on the next scene, but the tribulation was insignificant by com parison with that of certain couple, who will henceforth leave the little fiirt," 1" at home when they go to the play. -Detr0if Free Press.
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21

A FISHERMAN fell into the water at Little Falls, Minn., and, on getting out, hung all his clothes over fire to dry. They were ignited and entirely consum- ed, leaving their owner naked and three miles from home. Seeing woman ap- preaching, he submerged himself to the neck in the stream, and bakgained with her to lend him some of her skirts.
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21

IF YOU are satisfied to have poor organ, or run the risk of having poor one, take any organ that is offered you. But if you desire to be sure of having the very best. insist on having Mason & Hamlin, and do not be per- suaded to take any other.
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21
MEsERyEYs BooK-kEEPING.

A new work. It is especially adapted for r~selftn- struction, and no other beck gives so plain ana com store keepers. mechanics, farmers &c. AS s text duced in the best High Schools and Academies.
 Price, $lo0; blanks 90 cts. c set. Sent by mall on -'T THOMPSON, BROWN & co, Pabiishers.
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21


 President Hayes, in his message vetoing the election bill, says that the measure passed by Congress is destruc- tive of one of the fundamental laws oi the Government, and at variance with an elementary constitutional principle he declares that the bill virtually dis crlminates in favor Of the State as against the national authority. He says he would have elections free from all forci- ble interference or the fear of it, and with this view wonld not allow soldiers. either Federal or local, to be present at the polls {" or to perform the duties of the ordinary civil Police force" He says he is ready to concur in any addi- tional Legislation which in the opinion of Congress Is needed to perfect the prevention of military interference with elections, in the sense in which the phrase is understood by the country, ii the legislation be limited to that obi and be not at variance with the authority Indispensable to the Government under the Constitution and laws.
 The President concludes his message as follows Under this bill the presence and employment of the army and navy of the United States would be lawful. and it might be necessary to maintain the conduct of a State election against the domestic violence that would over- throw it, but would be unlawful to maintain the conduct of a national elec- ton against the same local violence that would overthrow 1t. This discrimina- ton has never been attempted in any previous Legislation by Congress and Is no more compatible with the sound principles of the Constitution or the necessary mazilaa and methods of our
Connecticut western news., 1879-05-21
NEEDLES.

Agents Male and FemaIe-IaO hlxhd IArBetyuVV ton, carpet, bodklns, worsted mot needle, &c
 &c. package sells for 20c; sample package, 25c in postage s amps; ay postage. Age ts, Circular free. LONDON NEEDLE CO, Il Attor Place N.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

How TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY
First. man must have one to take care
of. It isn't every man, you know, that
is fortunate enough to have one; and
when he does, his wife is always want
ing to run over to a neighbours only five
minutes, and he has to attend to the
baby. Sometimes she caresses him, and
oftener she says sternly:
"John, take good care ofthe child I'M
til I return"
You want to demonstrate, but cannot
pluck up the courage, while that awful
females eye is upon you; SO you pru-
IDENTIFY refrain, and merely remark
"Don't stay long, my dear"
She's scarcely out of sight before the
luckless babe opens his eyes, and it's
mouth also, and semits a yell which
causes the cat to bounce out of the door
as if something had stung it. You timid-
ly lift the cherub, and sing an operatic
air; he does not appreciate it, but ye.ls
the louder!
You try to bride him with bit of
sugar; not bit of use he splits it out
You get wrothy and lhake him.
He stops second, and you venture
another; when, good Heavens! he sets
up such roar that the passer-by looks
up in establishment. You feel desperate /;
your hair stands on end. and the per-
spiration oozes out of every pore as the
agonizing thought comes over you, what
if that luckless child should have a fit!
You try baby talk but "litty litty
lamb" has no effect, for he stretches as
if red hot poker had been laid on his
spine, and still he yells. You are afraid
the neighborhood will be alarmed, and
give him your your gold watch as last
resource, just in time to save your whis-
kers; though he throws down handful
of your cherished moustache to take the
watch, and you thankfully find an easy
chair to rest your aching limbs, when
down comes that costly watch on the
floor, and the cause of all the trouble
breaks into an ear splitting roar, and you
set your teeth and prepare to administer
personal chastisement. When in rushes
the happy woman known as your wife,
snatches the long-suffering child from
your willing arms, and sitting down,
stills it by magic while you gaze mourn.
fully at the remains of your watch and
cherished moustsche, and muttering a
malediction on babykind in general,
vows never to take care of baby again
until the next time
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
THE DOORSTEP.

The conference meeting through at last,
We boys around the vestry waited,
To see the girls come tripping past,
Like snow-birds willing to be mated.
And one, she blushed and took my arm!
We let the old folks have the highway,
And started toward the Maple farm
Along kind of lovers by-way.
The snow was crisp beneath our feet;
The moon was full, the fields were cleaning,
By hood and tippet sheltered sweet,
Her face with youth and health was beaming.
The little hand outside her muf-
o, sculptor! if you could mould 1t!
So lightly touched my Jacket cuff,
To keep it warm had to hold it.
To have her with me, there, alone,
Twas love, and fear, and triumph blended;
At last we reached the foot-worn stone
Where that delicious journey ended.
The old folks, too, were almost home,
Her dimpled hand the latches fingered;
We heard the voices nearer come,
Yet on the doorstep still we fingered.
She shook her ringlets from her hood,
And with "Thank you, Ned,' dissembled
But yet knew she understood
With what daring wish I trembled.
A cloud passed quickly overhead,
EThe moon was slyly peeping throught it,
Yet hid its face, as lift said,
"Come, now or never! do it do IT,
Ny lips till then had only known
The kiss of mother and of sister,
But somehow, full upon her own
Sweet, rosy, darling MOUTH kissed her!
Perhaps twas boyish love, yet STILL
o listless woman, weary lover!
To feel once more that fresh. wild thrill
I'd give-but who can live 20 nth over.
detroit Free Press
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
-sTAUNToN sPEoTAToR AND GENERAL ADVERTISERS
Household Hints.

Old potatoes may be freshened up by
plungfng them into cold water before
cooking them.
Never put pudding that is to be
steamed in anything else than a dry
mold.
To clean raisins wipe them with dry
towel. Never wash them, for il will
make cakes or buildings heavy.
The water used in mixing bread must
be tepid hot. If it is too hot the loaves
will be full of holes.
To boil potatoes so they will be dry
and mealy: When the skin breaks pour
off the water and let them finish cook
ing in their own steam.
In making crust of any kind do not
melt the shortening. Let it be as cold
as possible and knead it through the
flour. Melting it Injuries the crust.
To brown sugar for buildings, put the
sugar in a perfectly dry pan. 1.-THE pan
is the least wet the sugar will burn and
spoil both it and the pan.
To make clothes line pliable, boil II
an hour or two before using it. Let il
dry in warm room and do not allow il
to "kink."
If you want to renovate black grena-
dine, take strong, cold coffee, strain 1t,
and wiring the grenadine out of it quite
tight, after which shake out and fold up
then iron it with a moderately hot iron
over a piece of old black material.
To remove iron taste from new kettles
boil handful of hay in them, and re
peat the process if necessary. Hay wa
ter is great sweetener of tin, wooden
and iron ware. In Irish diaries every
thing used for milk is scalded with hay
water.
To clean brass, immense, or wash i
several times in sour milk or whey; THU
will brighten it without securing; II
may then be secured with wooden cloth
dipped in ashes.
Never put cigar ashes on gilt china
for it will surely take all the gliding off
A little cheese taken at meals help
other food to digest. If taken in larg
quantities it is very indigestible.
The yolks of eggs are as nourishing a
the whites, though little heavier.
Onions may be soaked all night with
out taking the flavor out of them.
Potatoes ought not to stand too lonI
in water, for it takes the starch out o
them and makes them tasteless.-IHt
Household.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
The Cure for Hydrophobia Found and
LOST

"A REMARKABLE DREAM-ITS RESULT.
A colored inmate of the Parkersburg,
w. Va. poor-house, about 81 years of
age, has betrayed symptoms of hydro.
phobia for several years. at the age OF
nine years he was bitten in the hand by
dog, which was afterward killed on
suspicion that it was mad.
In the course of time the colored man,
who is also a cripple in both legs, be-
came an inmate of the poor house. At
times he seemed to be in sound health,
and unimpaired mental faculties, per-
haps for several days. Then suddenly
he would feel an itching sensation in the
palm of the right hand, which would
rapidly ascend the right arm, affecting
the mesial and cutaneous nerves, until
the whole of the right side would be af-
fected. Usually he would inform his
keepers, who would confine him in his
cell, strong room from which it was
impossible for him to escape. He would
soon begin to froth at the mouth, growl
whine, bark.and snap at anything within
his reach, occasionally tearing his OWE
flesh with his teeth and nails.
During these rabid spells his eyer
would turn in his head, he would dis
play the ferocity of a wild beast upon
the approach of any one, and would be-
come frantic at the sight of water. These
actions had been of regular occurrence
until one morning, a short time ago
awakening from deep sleep of physica
Mr.. Joseph Cook, the superintendent, tx
his cell, and told him that he had seer
man in dream who informed hin
that if he would gather certain weet
which grew on certain part of the farm
describing spot where he said he hat
never been, and even the identical spo
in which the weed crew. he would re
cover entirely from his disease.
Mr.. Cook ridiculed the idea as tn,
emanation of diseased mind, caused by
an affection of the nervous system bu
the colored man strenuously adhered t.
the belief that it would cure him. A
length, to get rid of his opportunities
he was taken in wagon to point nea
the spot indicated and lifted out. II,
, crawled directly to the place, which was
exactly as he described it. There b.
found small clump of weeds, which b,
declared to be the weed which he saw
in his dream. He pulled it up ant
masticated leaves and stalk, as he wa
taken to his room in the poor~house.-
Some eight to ten days have elapsed
and the spasms and rabid fits, which hat
been of almost daily occurrence, hav
altogether ceased, and he declared him
self entirely recovered.
His physicians say that there is n,
doubt that he was afflicted with hydro
: phobia, and that his cure is apparent,
, genuine. They have tried in vain t
ascertain the name of the weed, but a
there was only solitary clump of il
and the negro ate the whole of that, tn
chances are that this cure for hydro
phobia will still remain mystery il
materia medica. Still these medica
gentlemen have one basis of hope in tn
, fact that minute fragment of chicl
week Genera Stillaria) was found il
J the wagon just after the negro was lift
ed out on his return.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

The Oglethorpe GA Echo has sensa-
ton account of a versatile hen, which,
after spending her youth as pullet, and
after laying many eggs and Matching
several broods Of chickens, began to
crow and tried to assume masculine airs.
Spurs grew from her heels, the tail
feathers heightened and curved, and, in
short, she developed into full-fledged
rooster, with all of that gallant birds
characteristics and ways. We cannot
vouch for the Echo's story, but we do
know that, whether or not there exists
every ever particular lisa is applicable to hem
rooster which was owned year or two
ago by Mr.. F. w. Washington, of Ruth
erford county, Tenn. And this we can
vouch for.-Louisuile Courier Journal.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
81 don't want that Stuff.v-

Is what lady of Boston said to her hus-
band when he brought home some med.
icine to cure her of sick headache and
neuralgia which had made her misera.
BILE for fourteen years. At the first at
tack thereafter, it was administered to
her with such good results, that she con.
tinued its use until cured. and made SC
enthusiastic in its praise, that she In
duced twenty-five of the best families
in her circle to adopt it as their regular
family medicine. That "stuff' is HOP
Ritters
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

One CT Benjamin Franklin's truest
sayings is the following: Temperance
puts wood on the fire, meal in the bar
rel, flour in the tub money in the purse,
credit in the country, vigor in the body.
cOntentment in the house, clothes on the
body, intelligence in the brain, and
|irits In the constitution"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

JOSH BILLINGS PHILOsOPHY.-T
philosophy ov the monkey will outlast
the philosophy ov the sage: if Solomon
was on earth to day, and wouldn't put
on the cap and bells. he couldn't get
twenty dollars q week for writing pro-
verbs.
Young man, saw wood, shell beans,
tend guideboard at the forks ov sum
kuntry road, do. ennything almost ex
cept to steal, rather than undertake to
l1v bi yure WITT; nine men out ov ten
who undertake to liv bi their witt are
no better off than lost dog.
1t takes very smart man to be a
successful phool.
Whiskey liz responsibel for sum pa
triotism, mulch poetry, and more pau
perism.
Man is kritter ov habits, and hi
glory liz that he controls them-and the
disgrace iz that they control him.
I was the football ov most men and
most things for thirty years ov my life,
then one day I sot down and sed-if en-,
ny man ever beats me agin he haZ got
to be meaner than lam; am proud to
say that hav been doing a good fair
paying Dizziness ever since.
Ienvy the man who can talk three
hundred and sixty five days ia year
on one subject, and think he liz original
and interesting all the time bnt don't
want to be q sun-in- law ov one Ov theZe
kind ov people.
Young man, the citizens ov the world
are watching yu, not SO mulch to see
yu reach the top ov the ladder as to see
yu fall off, and perhaps sprain your an
kle.
1t il eazy enuff to git along with ouI
enemies; to manage friend requires
much pashunce and skill.
1t liz often the case that the shrewdest
men are unable to advise others at all
korrectly.
Thare are multitudes ov people now
living who are anxious to prove that
and makes 5, and am astonlshed to
kno that thare are full az menny who
are az anxious to beleave it.-NeW York
Weekly.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27


This anecdOte of President Lincoln
was recently told by Bishop Simpson OF
the Methodist Episcopal Church:
IT was informed one day that a com
lnittee from New York, composed of
leading citizens, went to see him in re-
ference to the conduct ofthe war. After
they had transacted their general bust
ness, and the committee were making
their way TO the door-he was standing
in the other part of the room-one of the
gentlemen, who presumed on his &C.
quaintance with Mr.. Lincoln, to ask
particularly searching questions, stepped
up to him, and in the lowest tone of
voice, said: Mr.. President, would like
to know where Burnside's fleet is going. ,
Burnside had just sailed with the fleet,
but the destination was unknown
We'll said Mr.. Lincoln, in very low
tone of voice, would you very much like
to know?' Yes he said he would
We'll, now said Mr.. Lincoln, 'ifs
should tell you. perhaps you would tell
some one else No. said he, L will
not Then Mr.. Lincoln, putting up his
hand to his face, as if to whisper. said
loud enough for all to hear: He's gone
to sea-"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
Caught at Last.

The notorious depredator Kate -Arih,
who has for 30 many years eluded the
most accomplished and skillful detec.
tives, has been caught at last in Buffalo
N. Y. For further particulars, ask your
druggist for bottle of DIR. Sage's Ca.
tarrh Remedy, admitted to be the best
remedy for catarrh yet compounded.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

A story is going the rounds of the
press about man who, upon waking
up one morning and finding thieves
had stolen his entire saw-mill, thanked
heaven that the robbers had left his
water power. That man was philoso-
pher and should be recognized as SUCH
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

A tenant had been importuned SO fire..
quently for his rent that in climax of
evaporation he turned on the landlord
with the cogent and conclusive retort =
"Now, you needn't put on SO many airs
old man. Why 1 owe enough in this
town to buy up all your old homes"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27

what? Twenty five cents pound
for sausages? Why, can get EN- down
at Schmidt's for twenty cents!"
swell, den, Wy didn't yer ?"
''Cause Schmidt was out of 'em."
~ Vel, Nv was was oW wit S Of ,sm sell
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1879-05-27
---->@-<

II wish you would give me that gold
ring on your finger" said village dan
DIV to a country girl, ''for it resembles
the duration of my love for you; it has
no end Excuse me, sir" she said,"
81 choose to keep it. for it is like my
love to you, it has no beginning"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-10-19
Can't Afford to Marry.

Girls, do you hear this? Many good
men are crying, "Can't afford to marry %
Why? "Expense of supporting WIFE,
Why support a wife? light not wives
be made self supporting, or partly so?
Isn't there something wrong in this sys-
TEN which makes matrimony dependent
on a mans ability to pay all the wife's
expenses? Is it not filling the land with
old maids? Has it not done so for the
last half century? Who marry most?
What race? The people who care moth
ing for keeping up style. The foreign
born whose women turn to and tend the
shop. The cultivated American is not
the marrying man. He likes the goods
on exhibition, but they're too costly TOR
his everyday wear. Hence, oft they re-
main on the counter until shop-worn.
This is crying evil. Our best men are
not marrying. Because SO many of our
girls are saying, "You must take me for
better, for worse, to feed me, to clothe
me, to warm me, to keep ME clad in the
fashion, to give me house proportionate
to my style, to keep me in pin money,
and I will condescend to live with you,
and take your money, and do nothing to
earn more, and to lament, If things 90
wrong, that I didn't marry better, and
you must regard it as a great favor on
my part" The man wants YOU pretty
badly, but it's too heavy contract.
Things must be rearranged SO that YOU
carry more of your end Of the log.