The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-08-01
VARIETIES.
President Hayes can't veto the mosquito

President Hayes can't veto the mosquito
bill
-"Driyer are you running ON time today"
asked passenger in an omnibus mo,
SIR, was the keen reply, I'VE are running for
cash"
1.-The army at the polls" began politi-
cal enthusiast to his neighbor farmer. ''Oh,"
replied the other, "the beans at the poles is the
topic which interests me just now.h
If lady meet a lady coming down the
street, need lady tell q lady that she looks
so sweet" For well she knows before she
gets fairly out ofsight, she'll turn around and
cry out aloud: what horrid fright"
Diner at fashionable restaurant calling
the walters attention to his plate: what
do you call this stuff" Waiter: "That sir.
that's bean soup" Diner: "Well, I don't
want to know what it has been, what is it
now?"
Mo one blames business man for want
ing his sign to convey q big idea of his bust
ness, but a Michigan blacksmith, in hamlet
of 400 people, rather over-does the thing when
his sign reads Foreign and domestic horses
shod here"
Washington Irving tells us that in the
War of the Revolution, some MARYLAND regi-
ments, who wore very gay uniforms, were
known as "The Macaronis;" and he adds that
"they showed their game spirit" So it seems
they could fight well, besides dressing well.
1.-The boy who thinks himself killed if
asked to saw stick of wood at home, will
go over to Johnny Bragg's house, and not
only saw all the wood he can lay hands on,
but split it and pile it up in the bargain and
come home and tell what "good time" he
has had.
"A tenant had been importuned so fire.
quently for his rent that in climax of ex-
asperation, the other day, he turned on the
landlord with the cogent and conclusive re-
tort: "Now you needn't press me SO. Why,
lowe enough in this town to buy all your
old houses"
Said Jones, reflectively: "Why is it that
everybody laughs at a donkey?" still gazing
after representative of that tribe. Replied
the dulard Smith: "Oh, you are too sensi-
tive Jones, altogether too sensitive" Strange
some men never can understand fellow
Boston Transcript
Little Billy was told, "Never ask for any
thing at the table Little boys should wait
until they are served" The other day little
Billy was forgotten in the distribution, and
was not served at all. What could he do?
Presently, after rejecting seriously, he asked,
mamma, when little boys starve to death, do
they go to Heaven ?"-French Paper
When the weather is wet
We must not fret;
When the weather is dry
We must not cry;
When the weather Is cold
We must not scold
When the weather is warm
We must not storm
But be thankful together,
Whatever the weather.
drunkenness i'm Sweden and NORWAY il
cured in the following manner: The drunk
ard is put in prison, and his only nourish-
ment is bread soaked in wine. During the
first day the prisoner receives the bread and
wine with much pleasure On the second
day the food is not so acceptable. After that
he takes his food with great repugnance In
general, eight or ten days of this treatment
sufficcs to produce such disgust for liquor
that the unhappy man is compelled to abso-
lutte abstinence. After leaving prison. he is
radically cured, with an occasional exception
and the odor of liquor produces an invinci-
bic repulsion,
He had been sitting still so long that his
mother expected 10 find him asleep when she
looked around and asked We'll Harfy.ls
what are You thinking OFF," Ma, are we
very rich?' he solemnly inquired by way of
reply. "ln one way we are" she said ;"your
father says he values me at three million
dollars, You at two millions, and the baby at
one" That closed the conversation on that
subject, but next morning as Harry was get
ting on his oycrcOat, he examined the new
patch which had been added, and coolly oh
served; "Well, | think father had better sell
off about half of You or the whole of the baby
and get the rest some decent buds to put
on"