Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-02-08
Hawk-Eyetems.

Three hundred thousand men and
women in New York live at boardins.
houses, and yet people wonder th
dyspepsia is on the increase in HbI
country.
"For this home mission work." SAYS
the Christian Standard, eve want the
best of women" Good brother Stand.
ard, you are too late; we married her
nine years ago.
1t is said that babies can swim with.
out any teaching. This must be be-
cause kick and paddle" are so con-
stantly connected with the earlier stages
of our existence.
A retired detective, in writing up the
records of his twenty five years expe-
rience, was greatly surprised to discover
that on two or three occasions he had
come very near catching somebody.
Times are looking up; it isn't abso-
lutely safe to rob the coaches on the
Black Hills routes, since the citizens.
begun hanging the robbers. Law and
order are fairly spreading themselves.
One of the handsomest bronzes on
exhibition at the Chicago loan exhibit
ton is Ulysses bending his bow"
Wouldn't Ulysses bending his ell
bow have more modern and signif-
cant twang to it?
General Joe Hooker has been adver-
tised two columns worth. and the i'm
preston the reader gets from the in
terview is that there was only one gen.
eral in the war and he spelled his
name witch an II.
A vagrant confined in the Des
Moines county Jail, pleasantly adver-
tises "an easy business, with light work,
and requiring no capital, for sale, for
the reason that the proprietor desires
to retire from business" "A
"Her eyes," remarked the proof
reader, "are her strongest attraction.
They draw your attention and admira-
ton in spite of yourself" All, yes."
replied the cashier, "a kind of sight
draft, as you might say"
William Augustus to sleepy room
mate: " Come, John Henry, why don't
you get up with the lark, as L do?"
John Henry, grimly: Been up with
him all night" Profound silence,
amid the breath of an early k. t.
When it comes to predicting the
weather for tomorrow, or betting on
election, the ingenious Edison is as
much in the dark as the stupid man
who has to hire a carpenter when he
wants suspender button sewed on.
"Why did you beat your wife?"
asked the magistrate of culprit from
West Hill. "Well, SIR" replied the
prisoner, who lives by fighting, "be-
cause everybody else had gone to bed,
and wouldn't get up and come out"
"Solitaire diamonds" says o fashion
journal, "are still in high favor for
engagement rings" That's what makes
an old married man smile 80 often and
so pityingly, as hs gazes at the young
men who came to take his seven daugh-
ters to the sociable.
There is poem in the November
Atlantic that starts Off by saying:
"There came three queens from heav-
en-" Never do you believe it; we'll
bet you thousand dollars one of them
was dealt to him, and he pulls1sn
other two out of his boot. ~
Glass in Mental Philosophy at the
Burlington Collegiate Institute. "What
then" asked Professor Workman, look
ing at the tall student at the masculine
end of the class, "what then, is your
conception Of the beautifully" Tall
student, taken by surprise, starts,
bushes painfully, looks distressed and
turns his eyes feebly in the direction of
the feminine cluster on the other side of
the aisle, and after finding that his
views are utterly at variance with those
of Hegel, Sir George Mckenzie, Up
ham, or Fichte, says that he isn't
prepared" Profound emotion and ex-
pressions of sorrow in the class.
A week ago, and as you travelled
through Illinois, there was candidate
waiting to help You off the train at
every station, anxious to carry your
valise to the hotel for you and give you
personal introduction to the landlord,
bidding that great man to give you the
big room with the open fire. place And
to day? You can get off the train and
carry your trunk to the hotel quicker
than you can find dray, the landlord
stares coldly at you, pretends to be I'M
able to decipher your signature, looks
amazed when you say you are going to
stay all night, and casually dusts with
his handkerchief the glass face of the
placard that reads, All transient
guests are expected to pay in advance"
The election was held last Tuesday.
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