The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-03-28
VARIETIES.

VARIETIES.
A legal tendcr-A lawyer minding his
baby.
1t is better to give than to receive-a
bill
The cheapest of lawyers-kccping ones
own counsel.
What people can never live long nor
wear greats coats? Dwarfs.
The surest way to lose your health is to
keep drinking other peoples,
Farmers are like fowls-neithcr will get
full crops without industry.
The only man not spoiled by being lion
lied was the prophet Daniel.
-"Do you ever have malaria here ?" said
lady to an illiterate hotel-keeper. YES"
said he, "we'll have it to day, for I've got the
best French cook in the city"
Julia, my love, what do you think of
my moustache| Julia, Cooking earnestly
at him for moment), "Why Alfred, where
is it? Why didn't you bring it with you,
darling?" q
An English writer says, i'll his advice to
young women, that their mother Eve married
a gardener. 1t might be added that the gar
dencr, in consequence of his match, lost his
situation.
-'rhe only jokes women like to read are
those which reflect rdicule on men" yes"
says an exchange, "On taking up paper
woman invariably turns to the marriage col
umn."
A young man of twenty recently took
| to wife a Pennsylvania widow of fifty, the
| sole proprictress of n couple of paying pc
troleum wells OF him it may be truly said
that she loved not wisely, but two wells"
"A young fellow, Boosting in company of
his travelling abroad, was asked by one pres
ent how he made his way. by my wits, :"
replied the other Indeed /" says he; "then
you must have Travelled very cheaply."
| -"My dearest Maria" wrote a recently
married Brooklyn husband to his wife. She
| wrote back: Dearest, let me correct either
| your grammar or your morals. You address
me, My dearest Maria Am to suppose
you have other dear Marias?"
A young Scotchman at Aldcrahot fell
sick and was sent TO the hospital A bath
was brought into the chamber where the in
valid lay he looked at it hard for some time,
then he threw up his hands and bawled, ooh,
doctor! doctor! cauna drink a that !"
Sound" said the schooImascr, "is what
you hear For instance, you cannot feel a
| SOUND oi, yes, you can saiu II smart
boy. "John Wilkins" retortcd the peda-
gogue, chow do you make that out? What
sound can you feel" "A sound thrashing,"
quickly replied the smart hoy.
| Business notions-A gentleman recently
about to pay his doctors bill said: well,
doctor, as my little boy gave the measles TO
all my neighbors children, and as they were
attended by you, ] think you can afford, at
! the very least, to deduct ten per cent. from
the amount of my bill for the increase OF
business we gave you"
Oliver Wendell Holmes says, "The true
girl has to he sought for" And Oliver is
right. We accompanied her to the Cenlen-
NAL Exhibition September two years ago
and becoming separated i'll the great crowd
we sought for her two hours and a-half before
our search was rewarded with success Nor
Tistorn He1uM.
Daniel Webster said "If we work
upon marble, it will perish; if we work upon
brass, time will etlace it; if we rear temples
they will crumble into dust /; but five work
upon immortal minds, if we imbuc them
with principles, with the just fear of God and
love of our fellow men, we engrave on those
tablets something which will brighten to all
eternity"
A refractory Irshman in Jail, named Den,
mis- McGinniss, refused to work. The keeper
said to him: "McGinniss, you 20 to work
or to the pump" "Niver," replied the Irish
man. A second time the keeper ordered
Dennis to work, but he refused to move an
inch. "Now for the last time, McGmnis,'
exclaimed the keeper, ''you go to work or tc
the pump" "Niver, sir" said McGinniss
Strengthening up to the full dignity of a man
"Bedad sir, I'll lave the Jail first"
An ingenious Nevada lawyer has raised
n point of law in behalf of a client who is
under sentence of death. During the tria
the prisoner was compelled to expose his arm
and show certain marks that witness assert
ed were there, thus proving his Identity
His counsel objected on the ground that this
was compelling witness in effect TO testify
against himself-a thing Il prisoner cannot
be forced to do in II criminal prosecution
and on this ground new trial is demanded
SHOULD FULL MOURNING BE WoRN.-A
Philadelphia clergyman, Rev. Mr. Macleod
contends that there is neither health, senst
nor religion in full mourning. He tells his
congregation that bit of black ribbon, worn
in some way, will tell the story of bereave
ment just as well as a full mourning suit
A bit of Grape on the bcll-pull gives hin
to those who pass by, and ii is not necessary
to cover the whole front with black drapery
Why, then, will not bit of ribbon on cloal
or coat answer the purpose, and weight o
usual expense and costume that is always
gloomy, and in warm weather very uncom
Portable, be taken from the shoulders o
bereaved mourners? Christians, he is con
WINGED, ought not to take a gloomy view o
death There are glorious hopes ofthose who
are gone before that should be symboli2ed
rather than sorrows of those who are lief
; behind He would have cheerful garments
worn by mourners in token of triumph of thu
glorified ones, and bit of ribbon or Grape n
simple memorial of their own sense o
bereavement. The rest of full mourning h
would send to the heather, who in their soI
row at the grave have no hope.