Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-01-15

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~ Y Ctm. AdsssiAe.
F~UNNYo1APEs.
An elevated railroad station Il, Of
course, station aify.-MbW H6vk Aai.
THs red man may "scorn ysur pro6sr-
ed treaty." but leave Oh the last syllable
and try him.-Oa City Derrick.
A BRIDGEPoRT artist has painted .
very natural fence, but the critics will
picket all to pieces
IT cost $500 TO die stylishly in the
Paris of America, and $500 to fade away
quietly and respectably.-Boseon Pen.
"AFGHAN grapes are - iafge - wal
nuts" loo soul though to please the
Russians Cincinnati Z onmercial.
WHO was it that alluded to joaquin
Miller ~ the "poet lariat." On that
mustang his hopes Of fame.-GropAic.
In giving . cOncer programme New
Orleans paper announced that Farewell
to the Forest" would be sung bya ''mule
quartet"
An exchange says that ION an aver
age q man eats annually eight bushels
Of wheat" How much corn does he
ea-thst is, consumesr
A MAN wa Boosting that he had an
elevator in his house. $50 he has"
chinned in his wife, and he keeps it in
the cupboard in q bottle.-Es.
NINE times in ten, if You run against
. man in the dark you will say Hello.
The other fellow begins to say the same;
often he omits the last syllable.
A VERY fat man sent an order to the
office for two seats in the coach for him.
self. The clerk engaged him seat
outside and the other inside.
If any young man with : new gum has
any objection to shooting bis sister, let
him now speak, or ever afteEe hold his
piece-in some other direction.-0vppkc.
IF "every man Is the architect u his
own fortune" the most Of them had Bot
ter abandon architecture and 50 to saw-
ing wood.-Bi. ghamton R.psbicn~.
IT is said that Bob Ingersoll Il engaged
in getting up matter on Jobs life for .
lecture. It will probably boil yer with
fun.-PhVadehph,a Press.
Coal dealers prefer newfoundland
dogs to any other breed. They weigh
more, and they sit quietly on the cart
while the load is on the scaleA-BostoH
Times.
A CHARMING young thing 1t . New
York school examination, in reading her
exercise before Q large audience Of
parents, changed Keats linz to, "A
thing OF beauty is boy foFeveFl"
A REsIDENT OF Greenup, KY, had his
head split open with an Ak, but accord
ing to the local paper, CONTINUES to
improve, the extracting of two matches
of brain having given him great relief.
SANTA CLAUS smiled when he aw
David Davis stocking, and pinned .
note to the base of it saying, mo four.
horse sleighs this year."-C ncinaats
C0mmeryi0i
No matter how g~ood-natured = man
may be, he will invariably get mad whsn
he discovers that there 10 no towel in the
room, and is compelled to dry his taco
on the bed quilt-EE.
The place # Washington's body-ser-
rant is supplied in Cincinnati by. the
" first white child born in the Miami
Valley" Whenever the papersget hard
up for news they have q OF theas die.
-1okde Blade.
~ woNDER uncle, said little girl,
{" If men will ever yet liv0 to b five
hundred or ONE thousand years old?"
"No, my child" responded the old man.
that was tried once, and the race
grew % bad that the world had to b
drowned"
TIE dreadful perversity of types i
again illustrated by the CASE OF Z senti-
mental novelist who, describing his hero
inc a n who " always kept modestly
in the background" washorrificd to find
it recorded in print that she "always
kept modesty in the background"
"GDoR0E," cried the elder Washing-
ton, George, my son, did you faassn
the front gate last night" Father"
replied the faithful George, edging %
toward the back fence, II did, ] cannot
tell . lie; l did it with my little latch
t."-Hawkeye.
In an advertisement Offering the
Woodchester Park estate, Worcester.
shire, England, for sale, the a~uctioneer
announces, in q line Of capital letter.,
rs one of the tempting inducements 70
purchasers. "Political influence over
100 honest yeomen."
A VERY diminutive specimen Of Aman
lately solicited the hand Of . 6ne buxom
girl. "Oh, no" said the fair but insult
Ing lady, II can't think Of Il Tor .
moment. The fact -; John, you are
a little too lagre for = cradle, and >
little too small to 60 to church with
July.
A LoHDoN newspaper advertises:
"Wanted, 2 apprentices who will b
tire ated Is l Of the family" When Il
va ascertaincd that the adyaFtiser Was
in tho habit of coming hone and bat
ing his wife. the number Of pereona who
wanted to b treated - ~ OF tho fami-
"" was very small.
A wELL~APPEAR1H0 gentlemen walk
ed into Z bar-room Of : leading hotel tho
other evening, and, protesting 70 b ont
Of change, asked the bartender Il he
could put his umbrella mp for : drink.
AT it was . good silk one, the security
was agreed upon. The man swallowed
his beverage, and quietly rtring Bis
umbrella, walked ont Jimmy did not
call him back -Rockesfw u.
Al author having qnoted 4 Cssoa.,
xiv, 10, II his mannDcfipA haaIgSt!nAss
wrote 10 him In this wise: VA haye
been Obliged 10 correct your DaDnscrip6
Did y0u ever hear of such a tnaesur
ment u j saOinxfs We have lO0ked
through Ill our dictionssies aDd c.
hnd nothing Of Il. We haye pst1oed ID