The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-02-20
SAM SNYDER.

We were sll sitting on the piazza in
front of Blyler's store, and Abner Byng
was there, with his legs cooked up against
a post and his chair tilted back. DIR.
Murray was running his eye down a
column of the country paper, when he
suddenly said:
"Hellosl This is queer Why, it says
that an English chemist has succeeded in
distilling whisky from ssw-dust."
That's nothing" said Abner Byng
Tipping his thumb.
How do you mean, nothing ?" asked
the doctor.
"Oh, it's old, awful old. l knew that
years ago. Did you ever meet Sam
Snyder"
No, never met him"
"Well, Sam was hard driuker-must
have rum by one means or another. He
had no money and nobody to trust him
or treat him. So Sam somehow sscer-
tanned that whisky could be made out OF
sawdust, and do you know what he'd
doWj
What"
He'd get so drunk off a fence-rail
and cross-cLt saw that he couldn't tell
COW from 8 sugar cured ham. Put
him near to 8 wood pile and a saw buck,
and let him alone, and before IL o'clock
he'd turn out the most delicious mint
juleps you ever tasted"
Easily done, was it?"
Easily? Why, one time his family
tried to keep him sober by putting him
ont on the roof and keeping him there !;
and do yon know what Sam did? Got
boy to tie wash-boier and four feet
IF lead pipe to string, and Sam fshed
en- up, and in three days he had turned
every shingie into cocktails, and he fell
through a hole in the garnet in suchEa
frightful condition OF intoxication that
they had to give him electric shocks from
forty-two cell battery to bring him
back to consciousness"
You know this to be fact, do
you?"
Certainly was there. Why, that
man acquired a preference for liquor
made from wood, s9d three times, 10
my certain knowledge, ne got mk.js .
pOtu from consumption OF distilled pine
boards and potAto-mashers, he drank up
four seta OF chair legs; and, on Fourth
Of July, when his wife stopped mis- de-
strucJion of the furniture, he celebrated
the day By calling in thre- or four friend.
to drink Z new kind of energetic brandy
that he'd Just made out of 8 windows sill
and a clothes-prop. Drink. Why, sir,
pledge you my word, Snyder in single
winter drank up srnoke-hOuse three
wash-tubs, and front-doOr. Nothing
could stop him when he got going"
Why did ne prefer domestic uten-
sils?"
." He didn't There was a woods out
back of his house that belonged to his
aunt. Sand go out there with meat
saw, or any kind of saw he could get,
and in two years he had stimulated his
system with eight chestnut trees, four
persimmons, Que oak, fifteen ssplings of
various kinds. Trimmed that grove out
go that his aunt couldn't rent it to picnic
parties. Nearly broke the old lady's
heart, too"
"Did he kill himself drinking ?"
"Well, not exactly. Pll tell you how
it vas 1t seems that he was haunted
for long time with the idea that if he
could distill the Presbyterian church
steeple he could turn out 80 article
that'd bear a resemblance, somehow, to
old apple brandy. Queer, wasn't it?
But the man was not exactly right his
mind was diseased. So one night he got
on the roof of the church with a. ladder
to steal the steeple. When he got there
--dunno how it was, but the idea seemed
to strike him to taste the thing, maybe
to see if he was right about the flavor,
and-he must have been wild when be
did 1.-THE actually swallowed the
weather-cock, and there he stuck, whirl.
ing around all night as the wind struck
him Dead? He was deader'n Martin
Van Buren, when they come to take him
down."
" He swallowed the weather cock, did
he ?"
% Yes sir, swallowed it."
Well, that wasn't nalf as hard to
swallow as your whole yarn, said Blyler
You don't doubt nv veracity,
hope ~ said Abner. & You do well, il
you have quarter about you il wi
soothe my wounded feelings. | only
want a"
Just at this juncture Blyler kicked
Mr.. Byng off the porch, and Abner
walked away to the next tavern with a
faint hope that the bartender would give
mis- credit one more chance.
The following unique epistle was pick
ed up in the street: Dear Bill-The
reason didn't lstf when you laft at me
in the post Office yesterday was becaws
hev bile on my face and kant laf. If
l laff she'll burst. But luv WI, Bill,
h le or no bile, lsff or no laf Yur luvin
Kate til deth. "