The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-12-25
HUMOROUS.

try, VINO had so much fOrty-rOd aboar
that he was oblivious to tho custom
of civilized society, dropped into sa
loon IN a town, In Nevada, tho othe
day, and by way of diversion pullet
out his revolver and sent bulle
crashing into the wood-box. A pcac
officer. who by some unaccountabl l.
means happened to bo in tho vicinity
heard the report, and peering through
the screen to SEQ that there was no dan
ger inside, entered the door and wen
up to Hallelujah Jack, who stood ther,
careiessly toying with the weapon h,
had just tirel.
"Come. Jack, put her away and don
bang around hero any morc," said Mr.
Policeman.
"Why not?" tcrsely quericl ;ho pio
neer.
"Bccause it's against tho law t
shoot so cussed prOmiscuOusly IN any
State, and especially in California.
Jack staggered across tho barroom t
where a lnrge atlas hung on the wall
Taking 1t down he pointed his toll
stained fingers to one of the numerou,
divisions.
"rhat's Calitorny ain't it?" ht
askeL.
"YeS.n
AN that's Arizony, aim ity" he
continued, pointing II little further to
the right,
"IcS."
Before anyone could prevent he sent
IL bullet plsughing through the latter
portion OF tho map.
"l'm law abiding citizen,,' he cx-
claimed, as he backed up into 4 corner
OF The room and held his revolver
where the officer could look down into
the barrel. EYER tole me not ter shoot
in talifOrny, 'causc twas Il State and
against Tho laws. SO | thought I'd
jest shoot in territory."
The official was Immediately covinc-
ed that he had no grounds for arrest.
TnE last straw that breaks the back
or your patience In the apothecary's
shop after the polite pharmacist has
carefully put your threo cents worth
ot medicine into ten-ccnt bottle,
1t up In two cents worth of
paper, tied 1t with cents worth of
twine, and used up about five dollars
worth af your time, is to have him
light a small lamp, and use up fifteen
more in sticking the parcel to-
gether with sealing wax. Then, having
in half hour gradually goaded yon
to frenzy. he blandly says :-"Only
forty cents, Sir
A SNOWMAN was exhibiting In Gil
mcr county, Georgia, a monkey tha,
had hccn taught to fire pistol. The
Snowman handed the monkey a pistoI
and told him to "shoot the ugliest man
In the crowd.' Some mischierous
boys hnd put shot In the pistol, and
when the monkey picked out his man
and lired, the shot took effect and
slightly wounded the ugly man, who
took cut his knife, cut the monkcy.s
throat and whipped the Snowman.
The ugly man has been indicted, and
his trial is soon to come off,
a LITTLE boy having been at Il cl,il-
drcn's pnrty, his papa was told he
chose the biggest girl to dance with so
said ~ would not be so rude az to ask
her."
"WHEN The wlckets cease from
troubling and the weary are ut rest -
Tclers 10 tho garden gate on a cold
nlght. Then the loYers measure noses
b
A GOOD old negro was burned to a
crisp recently some newhcre down in
Georgia. The text of the funeral ad-
dress, oddly enough, was: "Well
dohe, thou good and faithful servant. ,
In Is no sign because Il farmer Is
sage that he Is becoming
wise. Or, because Il farmer makcs good
thyme that he Is IL pedestrian.
"Sec here, Jones, why don't YOU
fence in your premises? ?' "Oh, there
is no need Of it, az long as my Wife.
always a-railing around the house IL
there?"
THE best excuse for suicide we ever
heard was Of the fellow who said he
wanlcd to get into the next world
before all the soft places were taken
up.
That WAS wise colored man who
III speaking of the happiness of mar.
ried people, said dat ar 'pends al
togedder how dey enjoy demsclves."
"THAT puts different face on it,
said the ,sMmdier when he raised 8
check from twenty to two hundred dol
lars, 80
HE said he wanted her to be his
help-mect, and SHE replied that she
could never be more than assister to
him.
IT Is very easy for man to breakfast
In bed If he will be satisfied with n few
rolls and n turnover.
II JOKE Is not so durable as a church
bell. After it has been told few
tlm0s 1t Is worn out.
If u little stream Is y streamlet, ISM
a little team team let--when It i:
hired? 30 E"'
Those who have had their summer
lonf must now earn their winter bread
No use trying, you can't make per-
sons voice clear by straintng it. .
THE watch lacks self-rcspeot; 1t is al.
ways trying to run itself down.
THE foliage is getting mad; that 1.
to say, it's on!it's sere.1l III .
s-" a.a.9a.E..aae.As.s.<..1
der,tand that the uhversa remedy used TO iksep ih