Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-02-15
Hawk-Eytems.

teeth. 'Tischew paper, probably.
Nobody knows where Moses was
buried. Same way with Baron de
Palm.
Sarcasm consists in asking bald
headed man why he doesn't part his
hair in the middle.
"When shall we eat p asks a medical
journal. Same as you drink, doctor,
same as you drink everytime anybody
asks you to.
The disheartening brevity of the
names of chiefs and places in the Az
ghanistan war has destroyed the interest
of the night editors in the conflict.
A Holyoke, Massachusetts; man, adj
vertises that he has lost sorrel hol-
low backed horse" Sorrel Rolloa-
that indicates that the horse has sound
back.
Mr.. Gladstone thinks that Homer was
only color blind. We always heard
there was something the matter with his
eyes. That's what made him SO thun-
dering hard to scan.
President Hayes told Gath that he
"never yet found a man who would de-
cline an appointment to Office" All,
we'll, but then the president has never
tried anybody outside of Ohio.
There is young woman in Elmira,
New York, with hair thirty-nine inches
long. If she was only man, what a
superb corn doctor she would make.
All man needs to make him a profess
sional chiropodist, is long hair.
This is an awfully wicked old world.
An Indianapolis clergyman told me he
went to hear Colonel Ingersoll lecture
on Mistakes of Moses, and saw more
of his church members there than he
had seen at prayer-meeting in six
months.
From the heights where my rapt
imagination has carried me" writes an
inspired Ohio journalist, 81 can scan
the unexplored ocean Of futurity."
Bully for you. Now just look at it
carefully for a minute or two, and tell
us what the republicans will nominate
in 1880?
"Boys," said the old man holding an
inverted match in one hand, and dark
cigar in the other, "never acquire the
pernicious habit of smoking. I am a
slave to it now, and yet hate it. 1
never see cigar that do not want to
burn it up." And then, with extreme
satisfaction, he burned up the one he
had in his hand.
The Boston Herald thinks $500 is q
fair salary for members of the legisla-
ture. They must have incredibly good
Legislators down that way. $500! why,
there are some men out here who would
never earn that much money in all
their lives if they weren't elected TO
the legislature, and they don't earn it
then. They get it, but
Isn't it rather remarkable that when
railroad war cuts down the fares I'M
til you can 60 from Cincinnati to Wash
ington for a dollar, the man who lie
loudest and most enthusiastic in his ex-
pressions Of delight, is the man who
never travels, doesn't dream of going
away from home, and has no intention
of buying ticket to anywhere
Broker'-No it is not true that we
bought General Grants property on
Fourteenth street circle, Washington.
for $25 900. We were on the point OF
buying it, when the resident property
owners in the neighborhood learned
that we were going to give it to o poor
blind man, and raised such row about
it that the general was compelled to
sell it to an Ohio woman.
Ard now the Chinese claim that the
telephone is nearly two thousand years
old, having been in use about that
time in their country. oh. pagans with
the almond eyes, there is something
that is older than the telephone. Ly-
ing. 1t is older than the great Chinese
wall. 1t is older than the city of
Pekin. 1t is as old as the first Chinese
historian. And about Us reliable.
"Ah, by George" groaned young
Mr.. Lethered, sinking YEARLY into an
office chair, "ah, by George, my head
aches fearfully." Possible ?" asked
his employer, old Mr.. Hardfax, with a
look of curious interest and sympathy.
Possible? Something must have got
into it," And then for long time no.
body said anything, and the room
seemed to grow about fifteen degrees
colder.
Now that the winter is upon us and
the air will soon be filed with appeals
to our benevolence, it is time for Us to
button our pockets and remember that
charity begins at home" There
would be q towering monument erected
to the author of that saying if it wasn't
for one thing the people who quote it
oftenest are too stingy to give nickel
for anything, except two three.cents
stamps.
A remarkable fall of ashes is report
ed on the Mexican coast, south of Vera
Cruz, the ashen shower continuing
nearly an hour, All, ha? Wen bet q
thousand dollars they were the ashes of
the Baron de Palm. We never will
hear the last of that old pagan's car
cass. Oh, that an Ohio medical stu
dent had got hold OF him; the pagan
and we who survive him would all be
equally at rest on this point.
There is one good thing about this
electric light. When O mans collar
button gets away from him and starts
off on an exploring expedition across
the room, he can look under the bureau
for it without resortipg to the danger.