Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-02-28

WINTER JErRIS.

million little sunbeams cane
Andstole them all away.
81. Joseph Gdsefte.
1t would be a capital idea in these pedes
trian matches to have the course straight. sc
that some of a long-distance pedestrians
might walk of into the lava beds, suggests
the New York Express.
| A short-sighted man went to an op.ician 4
to change his glasses, which were not strong
enough. After he had got the right ones he
asked, What number must | wear after
these cease to be strong enough 2 This
| one, said the opticiap, showing him another
pair "And after that?' This" "And
after that 2" "After that? After that You'll
need a little dog and string"
A japanese student at Yale College, New
Haven, called on young lady and was invi-
ted to call again soon. lie called again in
| about an hour. Another student, being IN
vited out to dinner, was sitting at table when
the jar of current jelley was passed TO him.
He very proudly and dexterously turned the
jarful of jelley out on his plate and felt jolly
all the evening over his skill.
Young Smith-They say the NIiddlesex and
Jerusalem Bank has smashed. Old Brown
Bosh l happen to know to the contrary
Young Smith Really? Then it must be the
Middlesex and something else but / do
think there should be some way of punish
ing the idiots who go spreading these reports
about.
Gentlemen of the jury" said His Honor,
do you find the prisoner guilty or not
guilty" 1--WE do" answered the foreman
sternly, and the prisoner turned pale.
Jimmy is the "cognem.' of a well known
contractor of Philadelphia While recently
srching portion of Palmer street that city,
he executed the following order Boys,
five or six of you go and bring me n nice
square arch !" And subsequently the follow
ing to workmen in drain Hello ! How
many of you are down there Three,
was the response. "All right. Let half of
you come up and shovel hole =
She kissed me. Not a lovers kiss
Nor ct as friends who often meet,
And meeting kiss becausc-0h we'll
Because-I think because It's sweet.
Not such as these. and only once
Yet in that kiss was more TO me
Than ever many kisses held,
1t was the first, the last to be.
One. only one she gave TO
One, only one of all her store
And through the long, sad years to come
Our lips will mcet all neyermore.
1t is the break of day that proven is night
from going too far.
lowing rat and clam story "A New Ber-
liner bought two dozen clans last week, took
them home, and spread meal on them. The
next morning he found that thiTty-two rats
in search of meal, had been caught by tails
and toes by twenty three clans. The unoc-
cupied clam must have bossed the job. One
clam had three rats.
Major General Hartranft comes from good
fighting stock. He will soon lick postage
stamps in Philadelphia.
Adolphe TO Araminta, on their way to
church How | would | were the prayer
book you clasp so lovingly" Reply "How
would you were for then could shut you
up
French Paper An old servant enters the
shop of an apothecary, and presents him
prescription in which Is ordered n portion
containing two decigrammes of morphine.
The apothecary weighs the dangerous in
gradients with the greatest care. What a
shame :! said the old woman, TO him, with a
shove of his elbow. Come don't be SO
stingy, it is for an orphan"
All Gin Sing, Chinaman. was arrested in
Massachusetts town last for stealing n
chrome of Washington crossing the Della
ware" He told the astonished court that he
"wantee much Mclean man makee icee,
htlu llGl
some one had told the celestial that the pic
ture was rare painting by Michael Angelo,
of the Father of his Country getting in his
winters ice, and that the polo in the hands
of the man in the bow OF the boat was the
north pole. The infatuated Chinaman i'm
mediately stole it.
story is afiuut TO tho effect lLat an osh-
kosh girl went back on her lover because he
was SO bow-legged she couldn't sit on his
lap.
member of fashionable uptown con-
gregation called at a music store and inquir-
ed "liave you the notes of piece called
The song of solomon adding "Our
pastor referred 10 II yesterday morning as an
exquisite gem. and my wife would like to
learn to play it
Inspector of schools alt strikes me that
teacher of yours retains little or no grasp
upon the attention of the children,-not
hold enough, you know, not hold enough.
Lancashire Magnate (who takes great inter
est in the educational mcvemenD mot
hold enough Lor' bless yer ii she hever
sees forty hagain I'll heat my at. - Punch.
Poor Herbert! How | wish you did not
have to slave so at that horrible store from
morning till night, said his wife, with
fond caress she seated herself on her hus-
bands knee and gently stroked the auburn
locks from his massive brow. And the grave,
stern man of business understood her at
once, and answered ''Well, Susie, what is
it-a bonnet or what? Go light on me, for
money Is scarcer'n ever.
How, said county court judge TO wit
ness, "how do you know the plaintiff was
intoxicated on the evening referred TO Z"
Because ! saw him few minutes before
supper trying to pull oil his trousers with n
boot jack" Verdict for the defendant.
At q wedding recently, when the officiating
priest put to the lady the question, ''Wilt
thou have this man TO he thy welded hus-
bandt' she dropped the prettiest courtsey /;
and with modesty which lent her beauty an
additional grace, replied, III you please"
DO you drink y asked lady of ped
dler. He dropped his pack, and remarked
We'll, l shust lieye drink NIT you as any od-
der mans"