davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
WITH AND HUMOR,

PARENTS, school your issues.
SOLDIERS are paid in fight money.
The cheapest way to settle back rents
is to buy an ulster.
TIE force of habit made Scranton
barber ask while shaving a CORPSE,
"Does the razor hurt?"
The beauty of mans parting his
hair in the middle is that it gives both
ears an equal chance to flap.
The ordinary life of locomotive is
thirty years. No doubt it would live
much longer if it didn't smoke so
much.
"L1KE Lazarus if I had been
licked by dogs" bitterly remarked de-
feated candidate when asked how he
felt.
A YOUNG physician asking permission
OF a lass to kiss her, she replied, mo,
sir; I never like doctors bill stuck in
my face"
WHICH two letters of the alphabet
are Like the most cruel of the Roman
Emperors? N and P. Why N and P?
Because they are near O.
IT has been discovered by close oh
server that hen-pecked husbands are
invariably men with hairless lips. It
takes mustache to awe female.
A CRITIC, in noticing discourse on
1.-The Sayings and Doings Of Great
Men," remarks: "It is sad to observe
how much they said and how little they
did,"
THERE is lawyer down East SO ex-
cessively honest that he puts all his
fower-pots out over night, so deter
mined is he that everything shall have
it's dew.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
They Couldn't Make Him Sneak.

They had dime-supper in the neigh
borhood of Pawtucket, conceived and
carried out by the ladies. The condi-
tons of this novel supper were these
For every word spoken by the gentle
men at the supper-table forfeit of 10
cents was imposed; but, on the other
hand Gas duties are always compensated
with rights and restrictions with privil-
eges), it was agreed that whoever
could weather the whole supper, SUBJ
hitting to all queries, surprises, and
ingenious questions without replying,
should be entitled to it gratuitously y.
Many and frequent were the articles
and subterfuges resorted to by the
ladies in attendance to intrap the I'M
guarded, and one after another stout
and discreet men went down before the
constant volley of artful interrogations.
At last all fell out and paid the dime
penalty save one individual queer
chap whom nobody seemed to know.
He attended strictly to business, and
passed unheeded the jokes, gibes, and
challenges. They quizzed him, but all
in vain. He wrestled with turkey and
grappled with the goose. He bailed
out the cranberry-sauce with an I'M
swerving hand, and he ate celery as
the scriptural vegetarian ate grass; and,
finally, when he had finished his
fifth piece of pie, he whipped out
pocket-slate and wrote on it in large
and legible hand, Il am deaf and
dumb" Providence Journal.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
How Dog Fooled His Master.

A newspaper that is printed in the
town of Palmyra, Wis, the Enterprise,
tells story about dog which it says
is true, every word of it. The dog,
whose name is Tiger, belongs to sur
veyor, now at work for the United
States Government in that part of the
country. One day, not long ago, the
surveyor saw that Tiger was asleep near
the edge of a thicket, and he thought
he might have some fun with him. So
the surveyor shouted, "Catch him,
Tiger; at him, old dog" and jumped
into the thjcket, as if deer, or at least
rabbit, had been seen. Tiger, of
course, went bounding and barking in,
but very soon returned with his tail be-
tween his legs, seeing that trick had
been played upon him. Now comes the
good part of the story. Tiger made be-
ieve that he was going to sleep again,
In about three hours he all at once
sprung up, set his ears and eyes in the
direction of the thicket, gave a loud
bark and leaped forward. The surveyor
followed, thinking that Tiger had found
some game. When Tiger saw his mas
ter parting the bushes curiously he
gave peculiar "Ah-wooh," and went
back to his sleeping place, wagging his
tail and satisfied that he had paid the
surveyor back for fooling him.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
Precept and Example.

Great-grandpapa- indeed! you
can lick your sisters at lawn tennis, can
you? Well done, my boyl But be-
ware of self-conceit, and never brag.
Why, I could lick everybody at lawn
tennis when I was your age-.or could
have done it if there had been any lawn
tennis to play! Twas the best cricketer,
the best fencer, the best boxer, runner,
jumper, swimmer and diver T ever came
across, either at school or college, or
after; and in classics and mathematics
I beat 'em all clean out of the field :!
AS for riding, no one ever touched me !;
or dancing either; let alone that I was
the handsomest man in the county, and
the best dressed, for that matter; be-
sides being the wittiest and most popu-
lar. Ay, and such a song as I could
sing, too! And yet more modest and
unassuming demeanor than mine it's
never been my good fortune to set eyes
on, man or boy, these fourscore years
and ten-fpr I'm all that, my boy, and
more, though you'd never believe it, to
look at me! Beware of self conceit, nv
boy, and never, never bragg
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

And surely such dinner never was
chronicled. Pen and ink would fail me
to tell how the two ancient friends
warmed into youth again under the
sunshine of love renewed, We'd with
each other who could best recall the
memory of youthful pranks, and genial
Iecollections OF happy boyish days. And
how Uncle Dick, sitting with Edith's
little hand in his, and stroxing her
sllken hair, told her what gay young
dog her father was IN these merry DAYS;
and Sir Philip, not to be behind hand,
recounted daring exploits and hair
breadth escapes Of which Uncle Dick
had been the hero. And how Cousin
Howard, seated on the other side of
Edith, artfully got possession of he
disengaged hand; and how their respec-
tive fathers cheerfully smiled approval.
And now, as, all too soon, the clock
struck twelve, Richard Polwhele stood
up, and hand in hand with his old friend,
trolled out in deep rich voice, the good
old song of "Auld Lang Syne:''
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
AND never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
And the days of lang sy1e?"
And how when the song was ended,
dear old Parson Pentreath, always an
honored guest at this Christmas festival,
folded bis hands, and with tears in his
happy eyes, said:
''For these and all His other mercies,
God give us grateful hearts,
And with all our hearts we said:
"Amen."
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

unhappy, Essie won't you come to my
arms, my own little glrl?"
GLOW can I, Toll Lolliver," said his
town little GIRL mischievously, "when
you've got the cat?
"Bless my SOUL so I have" said
Ptolemy, dropping puss as uncercmonl-
ously as he had picked her up.
What ingratltude!' said Joe.
'Essie," again entreated the penitent,
holding out his arms. Essie took one
step, Tol two-on his knees-and, as he
clasped her to his heart, kissing the
laughing eyes and lips, the noon time
Christmas chimes burst out merrily with
the good old-fashioned tune, "Life let US
CHERISH"
by all MEANS" said Joe, waving the
silk handkerchief above his head, and
joining in the last notes with "Tol-Lol
liyer,"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
Albert Gallatin.

It is probably impossible to discover
in the history of this country any states
man who has left behind him reputa-
ton SO poorly preportioned to his
ability and influence as has Albert Gal
latin. Not especially attractive in life,
he remains singularly uninteresting
since his death. A chapter in Mr..
Adams book concerning his youth fails
to introduce him in an agreeable light.
Enjoying every advantage which the
best social position, an excellent edu-
cation, and family only too kind could
give, he yet chose at an early age to run
away. This venture, if not altogether
without an object, was at least devoid
OF any sufficient cause or excuse. He
was evidently soon ashamed of it; but,
as is the freakish habit of poor human
nature in such circumstances, he visited
the punishment for his folly upon the
relatives whom he had injured rather
than upon himself, neglecting to send
the simplest information concerning
his fortunes to those who never ceased
to manifest solicitude as tender as it
was undeserved concerning these mat
tiers. This GOODNESS of nature never
wore off throughout his long life. The
only evidence of warmth of feeling
which we ever find in him was shown
toward his second wife, who seems to
have made his home thoroughly happy
and attractive. In this respect, as in
SO many others, he offers striking con-
trast to Hamilton, with whom it is i'm
possible not to compare him. Both
landed as strangers upon our shores.
In less than a year after he arrived in
New York, Hamilton had made more
and warmer friends then Gallatin ever
secured throughout his life, long, useful
and honorable as it was. And, as years
went on, Hamilton constantly and
largely increased the number of those
who, apart from their political faith in
him, dearly loved the sman. Gallatin
never had SO much as the nucleus of
personal following. People met him as
he met them, with much temperateness
both in affection and in hatred. In an
age of vituperation he seldom used
those potent epithets of abuse for
which his contemporaries must have
ransacked the dictionaries and synonym
books; in return he enjoyed an excep-
tional freedom from the more scurrilous
personalities then in vogue.-Atlantic
MOothly.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
CHRISTMAS.

How shall we keep our Christmas, you and /?
It's many Yule.tide since we two togeth.
Heard childish laughter blending merrily;
When the chill sunlight cleaned through
wintry weather,
When drifts lay deep around the old red
And arch and roof were gay with holly
boughs.
And many Yule since (dear,do you forget?)
You chose spray all brightly berried DER,
And as its leaves amid my curls you set,
Spoke in the first soft whisper Of the lover,
The woman's heart from trance unconscious
leapt.
Then just another Christmas, hand in hand,
Troth-plghted we heard the midnight
chime,
AND knew your path lay in far-off land,
ana smiled, I'M youths gay fearlessness OF
Easy to wait, with love and life so strong,
Easy to wait, but O, the years are long!
How shall 1 keep my Christmas? here at nv
home
lsmooth my hraids-there's gray amid the
1 wear no holly now. The children come
And clamor for the merry sports of old;
IJoln the dancers, lead the carol strains;
They scarce can echo on Australian plains
How do you keep your Christmas? Strange
suns shine
Strange flowers blossom, brighter than our
hollies;
Perhaps you bend to roster lips than mine,
And make them smile at antique English
follies!
Letters came rarer, words grow cold and few;
Broad leagues Of sea and land 'twixt me and
you.
Dear, do wrong you? Life is hard and short
Fortune is coy and chill, time flies so fast;
Wiser, perhaps the passing rays to court,
Nor hoard our all of sunshine in the past;
And memory kee( my Christmas day With
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
Study the Face.

A story is told of great French
satirist, which finely illustrates his
knowledge of human nature. He was
travelling in Germany, in entire igno-
rance of its language and currency.
Having obtained some small change for
some of his French coins, he used to
pay drivers in the following manner:
Taking handful of the numismatical
specimens from his pocket he counted
them one by one into the creditors
hands, keeping his eye fixed all the
time on the receivers face. As soon as
he perceived the least twinkle of smile
he took back the last coin deposited in
the hand, and returned it, with the re-
mainder, to his pocket. He atterward
found that in pursuing this method he
had not overpaid for anything.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
Paper from Poplar.

It surprises people to see the great
logs OF poplar wood go through the
powerful machine at the Connecticut
River Pulp Mill, at Holyo]1e. The
wood, as it is brought to the mill, is
about the size of cord-wood used for
fuel, and in this shape the machine
takes it and gnaws it up very fine. So
rapidly does this process go on that the
machine eats about seven and a half
cords of wood day, and this makes be-
tween three and four tons of pulp.
After coming from the machine the
wood is put into watts and reduced by the
action of chemicals. It is used for the
manufacture of news and book paper.
The wood is obtained mostly from Cam
ada.-B0St071 TRANSCRIPT.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

The Sanitary Engineer offers a re-
ward of $500 for the best plan of q
model school house. Our small boy
will contest for that prize. His working
model is not yet ready, but we may state
that his idea of model school house
is one in which the teacher never ticks;
where recess comes five times of morn
ing; vacation every other week, and ex-
animation never; where all studies are
elective, and chewing gum is insis ted
upon; where there is co.education of
the sexes, provided the girls are pref ty,
and where there is no punishment
for fellow save sending him to sits by
the girl to whom he was caught passing
notes.-Alba71y Journal.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
WHAT THE CAT BROUGHT IN

Of all evenings in the year for lovers
to quarrel-Christmas Eve, when the
whole world should be not only at peace
bnt uncommonly jolly; when everybody
should be buying presents for everybody
else; when Scrooge should be dreaming
the wonderful dreams and seeing the
wonderful visions which are to convert
him from a detcstable grumpy old miser
into the most benevolent public benefac-
tor; when the cricket and the kettle
should be beginning, in merry rivalry, to
sing their tireside songs of love and vel
come; when the green Christmas trees,
standing in groups in the crowded TOW
shops, should be wishing each other a
pleasant "good-by' ere they separated to
be hung with hundreds of tiny wax ia
pers and pretty gifts for young and old in
many happy home; when people who,
during the last 365 days, had fallen out,
should be seriously thinking of shaking
hands and falling in again: when all the
churches should be bright with sturdy
evergreens, and sweet with lovely flowers,
and musical with the sound of joyful
childish voices blended tremendously to-
gether in quaint old Christmas carols.
And no doubt most Of these things were
being done, for there was no end of laugh
ter and merry talk IN the streets, and the
shop windows were blazing with gas lets.
and crowded with all sorts of articles for
all sorts of purposes; and from all the
houses came long rays OF light and sounds
OF music and dancing and romping land
where there was a house which gave forth
no light or sounds Of merriment, it was
only because the family had gone to a
party next door, or across the way, or
around the corner); and every man, wo-
man and child abroad carried bundle,
package, or basket, and every face wore
a smile-with one exception. And that
isn't the worst of it. That exception wore
the frowniest kind of frown instead.
Ptolemy Lolliver, carpenter, young,
good-looking, honest, sober, industrious
with but one fault, in fact-and a
shop of his own in prospect as soon as
the new year was fairly installed in the
place of the departing one; and yet here
he was, on Christmas-Eve, walking rap
idly through the street, looking neither
to the right nor left, his fur cap pulled
down over his eyes, and his hands thrust
deep in his overcoat pockets.
"Confound the fellow!' he muttered,
with his handsome face and romantic
name-'Arthur Godfrey! wonder what
possessed the old folks to call me Ptom-
ley-Ptolemy, great in war; that may
be-1've never had a chance to find out
but mighty small in love I take it.
l saw him kiss her as she stood in the
doorway. She must have given him the
glove. If she didn't, why should he
confound his lmpudence Flourish it in
my face in such manner as was COM
ing up the steps? and why, if she didn't
contound his impudence again -should
he call out, Take care of her, Lolliver,'
as he thrust it into his breast pocket.
showing those COMPOUNDED white teeth of
his all the time? It was hers; I'm sure
Of it. That shades one in a!hundred. l
ought to know; I had trouble enough
finding it. of for year, is he? He'll
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

A CoAL-HEAvER has astonished the
people of Genoa by writing drama
that, though not without the blemishes
resulting from defective education and
artistic training, possesses on the whole
extraordinary merit. It was played
with great success, and the dramatist
was called for by an applauding audi
ence. He made his appearance on the
stage in white linen jacket. ,g. D, ..
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21
Singular Freak of Railway Cars.

Probably one of the most singular
occurrences in railway history took
place yesterday on the Piedmont Air
Line. The freight train going east
when near the ticket Office in this city
came in collision with a COW, which pre-
cipitated two of the coaches from the
rails. These two coaches ran on the
ties nearly 200 yards, and when near
the mouth of the bridge remounted the
rails and thus prevented a fearful wreck
We doubt if such another instance
where the mere favor of circumstances
seemed to partake of the nature of in
telligence ever occurred on a railway
before.-Da7av5lle (Ta.) Post.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

a SCIENTIFIC journal predicts that
the fuel of the future" will be water
turned ipto gas.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-21

What took place at that interview be-
tween the two old friends, so long sever
ed, none knew save themselves; but
when some hours later we gathered round
the Widespread board, Philip Trefusis
and his daughter sat on either hand of
our generous host.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13

Connects with Chesapeake & Ohio Railroad East
and West. AT Lynchburg with Atlantic, Miss. s.
Ohio Railroad to and from Southwest Virginia.
Chattanooga, Atlanta, New Orleans, Nashville,
Memphis, Little Rock and all points in Texas.
At Danville close connection with Richmond
and Danville R. r. to and from the Carol1nas,
Georgia, Florida and via Atlanta, with Mobile,
New Orleans and Southern Texas.
For Manassas Line leave Washington at 90 a.
and Alexandria, rs a. NJ, DAILY, except Sun
day. arrive at S TR AS U R g, alta rs P. M,
connecting with the Valley Road, east and west.
Leave Strasburg.3:20 p. M. connecting at Manas-
sas with Northbound Mail train to Washington
for the North and West.
For Middleburg daily connections at Plains
station.
For Upperville regular connection at Delaplane
For Warrenton leave Washington 90 am daily
All trains make good connections, at Washing
ton to and from North and West.
New Orleans sleeper leaves Washington at 7 90
m, running through without change, connect
ing with through sleeper to Florida.
Excursion Tickets to Jacksonville, Florida, on
sale Dec 1st, good to May 18th, 1879, at very low
rates.
Through tickets sold at the lowest rates.
j. M. BROADUS,
dec 5 General Ticket Agent:
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13
Ro. S. HAMILTON.

The New York Herald of the End, closes
an article on the debt negotiations in the
States of Tennessee and Virginia, with the
following words; ''Tennessee's prospects
have been severely injured during the
month, and every Tenresseean must bear a
share of the loss and disgrace. Virginia, on
the contrary, has been steadily adding to
her old time reputation for honesty aud
honor, and what each State has done will
constitute the public measure of its integri-
ty for at least a generation to GOMEZ.
The Tennessee Legislature dissolved and
went home, without even seriously attempting
settlement ofthe debt, The Va. Legislature
has at least met the bondholders, through
representatives., and received proposition
from them. III craftsmanship prevails and
true devotion to Virginia determine the ac-
ton of the Legislature, the concluding sem
tence of the Herald will be applicable to
her action and prospects. Not otherwise.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13

MACAULAY's DREAM.-Ma caulay's head
must have been very full of his work when
he had the dream OF horror peculiar to his
calling. 81 have had DREAM" about his
younger niece he writes to Mr.. Ellis, $50
vivid chat I must tell it. She came to me,
with penitential face, and told me that she
had great sin to confess that Pepys' s'Di-
ary' was all forgery, and that She had
forged it. I was in the greatest dismay.-
what have been quoting in reviews, and
in my History, a forgery of yours as book
of the highest authority. How shall ever
hold up my head agaln?' woke with the
fright, poor Alice's supplicating voice still
in my ears. "-TAe Saturday Reciesc
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13

Next time you hear of man one hundred
and twenty years cid just set it down that
they may have lived seventy-fve or eighty
years themselves and some cheap man has
put it in the balance of the time for them.
Have the courage to be ignorant OF a great
number of things, in order to avoid calam-
ity Of being ignorant Of everything. = Sgd
neg Smith.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13
VOL. XIII.
Insurance.
NIRE INSURANCE.

As General Receiver.of the Circuit Court, am
very often directed to loan money on real estate
security:
In making the loans, as well for my own protec-
ton as that of the borrower 1 require that the
property be insured against fire.
1t is Of course of the utmost Importance that
the Insurance Company issuing policies should
be perfectly solvent, that the assets not
simply words and figures, but such securities as
are known to the policy holder to ne LIST, solvent
and End, easily converted into money when ne
csssity demands 1t.
After careful examination of the liabilities
and resources of the
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13

FTNHIS SPACIOUS III OTEL l., the leading
l. House in the Valley of Virginia. has recently
beenre fitted and repainted throughout. Located
the central part OF the city, only two blocks
rom either depot.
THE OFFICE is OPEN THE ENTIRE NIGHT,
and guests will be received or called at any hour.
SpeciaESuits of Rooms
for families or large travelling parties. Tourists
stopping here can visit in easy distance the cele-
brated Weyers Cave, and no less faAous, the
Cave of Seven Fountains; both only fifteen miles
distant over good road; the wonderful view
from ''Elliotts Knobb' and the scenery around
the city, to be witnessed in an afternoons drive
is the most beautiful in the mountains.
THERE IS A VERY FINE LIVERY
attached to the hotel, furnishing carriages to all
points at reasonable rates.
BE Coaches and Porte1s in attendance at all
the trains to convey passengers and baggage
FREE OF CHARGE. JNO. ID. CROWLE, Prop.
T. S. DAVIS, Clerk. MARI
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13

A San Francisco leader warns all to pre-
pare for "a hard, hard year," aud it takes
its cue not from the subsiding Of the mining
fever or the undertaking of Chinese labor,
but from the brown, bleak and backward
aspect Of the arabic surface OF the State
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1879-02-13
GEORGIA
HOME INSURANCE co,
Of Columbus, Ga.

have determined to give them all of my bust
ness or as least as much as they will accept.
For my own Convenience, have accepted the
Agency Of this Company, and while my other du-
ties will not permit me to solicit business for
them ina general way, yet will be glad to ex-
plain the merits Of the Company and take the
applications Of rny one desiring to insure.
]. FRED. EFFINGER,
In my absence, parties desiring insurance or
information can apply to RORT. CRAIG, at the
office Of Ef1nger, Craig & Grattan.
may g.