Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-02-07
F.U !!

THE LINN ST. HIGH SCHooL.-'Dar's
swine ter be a pow'ful sarchin' inquiry
'naugrated roun' heah," said Mr.. Copper
nicus, last Monday morning, as he pulled
off his gloves and raped on the desk for
books. "I'm a maxim some remarks.
young uns, and want yer to hol' de flaps o.
yer yeahs in perpindiculous persishon. Stop
dat snickerin', Ben Blackinbox, les Iput
bexid five handles long side O dat sous meat
on de side O. yer head. Now 'cordin' to all de
information which has obtained fun de
preacher and one O. de dekuns, dar was
boy dat longs to dis school, dat went to
de 'ch yistiddy, and stead o. listning
to de preachin', as de offspring OBJ spec
table parents had ort0 to do, he 'ployed his
time in ixin' pin on de bench in frunt
OBJ him, so dat de pint would hol' itself up
straight, and wait for de report OBJ de
community. An Mr.. Morefuss, de
preacher, say dat Jes as he got in de
middle Oh de first hyme, fat woman cum
in in considerable OBJ hurry an drapped
,ersef on de pin; an he says dat she seem
ed to sorter rise up like steamboat
7splosi0n had took place under de bench,
an made sev'ral audible remarks not
'zactly IN 'cordance wild de s'roundings,
an which 'casioned considebul OBJ an up
sturbance. Howsumdever, onder all de
circumstances OBJ de affair, de ungodly
words OBJ de sister was passed ober, and
de Deekin spoke to me dis mawnin' bout
it, adj lowed as how I'd better pass a re-
solution appintin' myself an investigator
committee, wild power to sen fur pussons
an papers, an endeavor, as far as in my
power lay TO discover de lump O. sin dat
was de 'casion of all de trouble. De COM
NIFTY is now organized, an de investiga-
ton will commence. fe;
ssBill Bosin. whar was you yestiddy?"
'sSor?'1s
:'Yes, you.''
s'I-I was out ter Cumminsville, fishin'
in de canal, and neber caught not1n but
little mud-turkle, 'dout any tail.'' And
Bill began to leak out Of the eyes.
''Datn do; yer needn't to commence to
git up wet spell here in harvest time.
Turn dat book right side up, an set down
on dat nail kag outer de way. Stan up,
Jim Johnsing, whar was you yestiddy?"
Il went out to de baseball, an peered
froo de cracks in de fence. 1 warn't at de
CHUCK tall"
IAN right said Mr.. Copernicus, and
he smiled just the least bit. ''Whar was
you, Tom Lukens? You was at chu'ch
mo, Stree, 'twasn It me put no pin on
FER seat, I'kin prove by Johnnie Jimson
dat me IAN him went way out ter Mr..
Stones orchard an got some apples; didn't
we. JohnnieE
Eyes, we did, an oil Stone like to got
us an licked us, an we hid frum him IN a
gallberry patch, and staid till mos night >
"Dat'll do, boys datli do. Here, Joe
Johnsing, run dis sprout in de hot ashes
and kinder temper it, till l get off my
coat an prepar' to rectify some OBJ de
morris OBJ dis heah gang. l kinder cotcl,
up wild you, boys. | jes made up dat
tale bout de woman an de pin. an l
foun' out all bout war ye was yestiddy
Bill was out ter Cumminsville, fishin' in
de canal on de Lords day; an never
cotch nuthin' but a little turkle: jim
Johnsing he went to base ball, an
Tommy Lukens am Johney Unison was
helpin' deysefs to Mr.. Stones apples, an
like to got cotch. All right. boys, de tes-
timony is all in, an de verdic's made up.
We will now proceed to pass de sentence
oh de outraged law And in about min
ute a sound like fire crackers on the Fourth
of July was heard in the temple of knowl-
edge, and weeping and bowling like
menagerie in thunder storm went out
upon the surrounding atmosphere. until
old Aunt Dinah, who lives over the way.
leaned on her scrubbing brush and remark
ed. "Brudder Copernicus 'tirely too seviger-
Gus when be gets started Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
Didn't I tell you to call me at six
O'Clock this morning? Why did you DISC
bey me, Joseph?'' "f you please. sir, l
was afraid you wouldn't like it. You.
were asleep.''
An old bachelor said he once fell in love
with young lady, but abandoned all idea
.of marrying her when he found that she
and all her family were opposed to it.
Amaa was boasting that he had an ele-
vnAor in his house. $50 he has," chinned
in his wife, "and he keeps it in the cup
board in 3 bottle"
All the sieners of the Declaration of
4udependence signed their names with
mill pens except 0ne-he signed his With
er-spoon.
There is one advantage in marrying a
woman who hasn't mind of her own;
she can't foreyer-be giving you piece of