The Cecil Whig., 1879-10-18
WHIES: WISE HND WITYY.

Old China-The Celestial Empire
"A relief society-A gangof pickpockets.
Cricket on the hearth must have been
warm game
Going ont with the tied-a wedding
party leaving the church.
Fidelity of man to man is among the
rarest eXcellencies of humanity.
An uptown druggist advertises quar-
ter's worth of cologne for Il scent.
The only houSework that some girls do
is when they begin to dust around after
beau.
There is one kind of canned goods that
goes off quicker than any othcr-gun-
powder
What riles 4 country postmistress is to
have postal card come to the office written
in French.
Greenland has no cats. Imagine cats
IN country where the nights are six months
long. Scat!
1t is no sign, according to the Boston
Transcript, that because 4 farmer is growing
sage he is becoming wise.
When a woman promenades the streets
Leading Il dog it looks us if she couldn't get
anything else on her string
Upon modest gravestone in Vincennes
cemetery appears the plaintive legend: His
neighbor played the cornet."
Why did not Miss Duer's counsel insist
that it is one of natures laws that Lilies
shall shoot in the Spring time?
Indian Summer this. And speaking of
Indian Summer, that's about all that is left
that the Indian can call his own.
When he is twenty-one the boy is sun
posed to have outgrown the switch, but that
is just the age when girl begins to need
one.
-"I rise for information" said a mem
ber of legislative body. 81 am very glad
to hear it," said bystander, ono man
wants it more
An Illinois editor returns thanks for a
centipede sent him by mail from Texas, it
being the first cent of any kind that he has
received for several weeks.
=" Will yeu have some more beans,
Johnny 90 mo" "No what 90 % No
BEANS" says johnny, solemnly, pretending
not to understand what is desired.
Between four and five hundred Indians
near Ashland have taken the pledge. They
got the idea that the pledge was something
about whisky, and that was enough.
A wicked man in Davenport, being on
his deathbed, wished to consult some proper
person regarding his future state, and his
friends sent fire insurance agent to him.
If children would spend more time on
their mothers knee and mothers would use
the proper corrsctives while they are there
the world would become better than it is
now.
1t is time to stop talking about the
Softening influence of women. \ MaSSa-
chusetts man who has four wives has just
been sent to the penitentiary for stealing
horses.
"A female teacher threatened to keep an
unruly boy fifteen minutes after school. 81
wish you would make it half an hour, said
the appreciative boy; for you're the pret-
test girl in town.
When little Washington exclaimed to
his pa, 6 cannot tell Il lie the old gentle
man turned pale with astonishment and
grief. "Why, you young rascal, he eG-
claimed, that's the biggest one yet.
1t is said that minister in y ctg
kirk in Scotland stopped in the course OF I>s-
sermon to ask II member who was deaf,
Z" Are We hearing, John ?'' "Oh, aye" was
the response; :" l am yearing, but to verre
little purpose.
1t is believed by the New York CONNER
cidl that Ben Buffers election as Governor
of Massachusetts, would be union of beauty
and the beast; and the general declares for
his part that whoever calls Massachusetts
beast is no gentleman.
"A Sunday school teacher asked: "What
bird is large enough to carry Oft man 20
Nobody knew; but one little girl suggested
ga lark" And then she explained: Nam
MA saidspapa wouldn't be home until Mon
day because he had gone off on a lark"
The Lowell Courierintimates that Orien
has a belt that is worth walking for. Strange
how people who don't follow these emo
bling contests get mixed. They don't even
get the names right. Evidently the Courier
refers to one O'Ryan, who won race in
New York year ago. O'Ryan never had
belt, except one he got i'll the eye quarreilng
about gate money.
1t seems as if the old folks never would
learn to understand boy. They can't
seem to comprehend why he should be SO
unanimous in regard to getting up without
being called at four o'clock in the morning
to take part in n fishing excursion, while 1t
requires the expenditure of three tons OF
energy to arouse him at seven o'clock when
there is cord of wood to pile up Even
politicians and other scientists can't explain
this.