Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-02-08
BOB BURDETTE'S BOY.

BOB BURDETTE's BOY.
A boy asks questions. If there was any
truth in theory Of transmigration, when
a boy dies he would go into an Interroga-
ton point. A boy knows where the first
snow-drop lifts and where the lastIndian
paint fingers. His pockets are cabinets.
He drags from them curious fossils that
he don't know the names of. He knows
where the herbs grow that have marvel
Gus medical properties, and he nearly
sends the rest of the family to the grave
yard by making practical tests upon
them. The boy has his superstitions,
and he carries in his pocket one partic-
ular marble-be it b.ummie, agate or
blood alley-which, when he loses. he
sees panic and bankruptcy coming, and
retires before the crash comes, with his
pockets iull of shillings and a creditors
meeting in the back room. He has a
charm to cure warts on the hand; he has
a marvellous instinct for the woods. AS
he grows older he wants to be "a mis-
sionary, or a pirale, and SO far as there
is any preference he would rather be a
plIdLS-o pEOlSSSOu III "ulCu LuClO uIC
more opportunities of making money and
fewer chances Of being devoured raw.
He hates company, for it carries him to
the second table and leaves him no pie.
He never-walks down stars, but adopts
the single rail, narrow gauge passenger
tram-way, and soon cures the other mem-
bers of the family Of the practice of set
ting the water pitcher on the baiuster
II ,Ssl,
tor new hat, and wears it the air or on
the ground ten times more than on his
head. Poor Tom loves as he makes mis-
chief. He muses. his sisters rufle. and
gets severely reprimanded. But some
neighbours Tom comes in and makes the
most helpless, abject, chaotic wreck of
that rufie that it can be distorted into,
and all the reproach he gets Is. "Must he
60 so soonP" But poor Tom gets weary
and drops off into the wonderland of
bey's dreams, and no mother who has not
dragged sleepy boy off the lounge at 9
O'Clock and led him up stairs, can under
stand the Herculean grasp with which a
square sleep takes hold of boy; how
timber and limp it makes him, and how
1t develops innumerable joints that work
both ways. He never relates his dreams
till every one else in the family has told
theirs, and then he COMES in like a back
county with the necessary majority. In
time Tom comes to desire a tail coat and
glove-ittng boots. Before he has worn
his fathers arctics-on his feet, and his
mothers slipper-on his jacket. 1t dawns
upon Tom that he has hands-a pair. a
good hand. And when he goes to the
first church sociable with his sister, on
| account of the absence of some other
Tom, he finds that he has eleven hands,
and he wonders whero the eleventh one
came from. His mother never cuts his
hair with pair of scissors that have cut
miles and miles OF calico, vast eterni,ies 8
OF paper, snarls and tangles OF string.
snuffed candles, pared apples. trimmed
lamp wicks, pred up carpet tacks. trim
med the family nails, ,and have done their
level best at the annual struggle of cut
ting stovepipe lengths in two. Now he
knows that mans upper lip was destined
by nature to be moustache pasture
How exquisitely reserved he is; with
what delicate action does he make the
first preliminary investigation in order
that he may detect the first symptoms o
velvety substance. And when he la.
found that it is there and only needs tt
be brought out, how he walks down t.
, the barber shop, gazes anxiously int'
the window and-walks past. At last
when he musters up courage enough tt
, go inside, and climbs into the char. an,
is just on the point of whispering to th
barber that he would like shave. il
comes some modern Esau, wi bear,
, as long Us Toms arm, and frightens
out of him and he has his hair cut for tn
third time that week, SO short that tn
barber holds it IN his teeth cuts it with
file, trims it with smoothing plane. an
: parts it with straight edge and scratc
, awl. Nobody ever knew how boy get
hold OF his fathers razor, and when tn
boy gets it he hardly knows what to d
with it. In the course OF few minute
4 the blade buckles on him, and cuts ever
a one of his four fingers. Then he cut
!. the strop with it,and would cut it oitene
a it the strop lasted longer. TUen h
knocks it against the side OF the mug
!. drops it on the floor and steps on it; bl
o is pleased to find that none OF the nick
= in 1t are as large as saw teeth. Then
. wonders that mau's nose is so put o
n his face that he cannot get at his own Ii
with razor without standing on Ii
n head. He slashes his nose, cuts the col
+ ners OF his mouth, and makes Il disagree
able cut on his lip that makes it look {
though it had just come utof fire
: fight with a straw cutler. But he learn
"a just before he cuts his upper lip clea
"a off, and his moustache comes on agail
i Although without color. it can be ielt-
q very soft felt. And then Tom has to ell
d dure every sort OF attack from the othe
members of the family about his face b.
ing dirty; that he had better use te;
spoonful of cream and piece of the cat
tail to lather his upper lip; and t.
taunts of his sister and brother, who as
. him and cry to the company respectivel,
% . tom, what have you got on your VI
% per lip?" and Toms ''raisin' a NOUS
- taclle." But it tgrows-short in the nit
die and not very long at the ends. Don
), laugh at it; encourage it; coax 1t along
# draw it out; speak kindly of it. Eve
~ after it has grown long enough to
, felt it causes trouble. 1t is more obsl
:, nate than meerchaum pipe in takIn
- color.
r. l..