, 1879-08-17

archery. The front seats at archery meat.
ings are all taken week in advance by da.
serted husbands. They all wear huge bnt-
ton-hole bouquets, get as near Us possible to
the female archers,A.in fond Remembrance
Of their absent wives,-and smile Silly. mt
at the hits, but at the t'hitters," az a cnun.
try-bumpkn smiles upon a city-bred pir1
with whom he stupidity imagines he is in
love. The correspondence of the deserted
husband with his wife is altogether unioue.
It is especially conspicuous for its omissions.
It onoits the :club-dinners. the races: tb.
archery meetings, the theatres, and the rides
on the bonleyards, and is eloquent On tbe
subject. of visits to near and dear friends ct
the family, where he has made IN occasional
call noted for its brevity. It enla1ges upon
the diecomforts Of home without a wife, bnt
enjo,ns upon her the propriaty Of remaining
away until the roses shall have returned to
her cheeks, the yermillion TO her lips, and
the old-time 1ustre to her eyes, until, indeed.
all the waste of city life which be is unhan..
ply suffering shall have been repaired in
her interesting and lovely person. When tbs
deserted husband has written, sealed, and
dispatched one Of these unique letters he
plumes himself on his unsel6sh nature, h;s
devotion to his family, his self-abnegatlon. ::
his generosity, orders button-hoia bouquet,
pins it to the lapel. of his coat, admires him.
self while in the mirror, and-goes off to
champagne-suppor!
There is another class Of. deserted hus-:
bands whose for1orn condition appeala
powerfully to the sympathetic and charitable
instincts OF q generous public. We aI1uds
to the piously inclined They cover their
heads, metaphorically speaking, with sack:
cloth and ashes aud grove away their leisure
hours. They pore over the pages Of 'sBax-
ter's Saints Rest" dwsl with emotion on the
enchanting measures Of <' Watts HYMNS"
weep over the trials Of the hero of Pilgrims
Progress" and commit to memory the rigor-s
ous dogmas Of the "Thirty-nine Articles"
In the absence of the pastor of the flock,
who Is recuperating his wasted energies On
the sea, in the mountains in Switzerland, Or
sailing lazily sup ths Rhine, in the ab-
sence Of their spiritual guide they commune
solemnly with the good Deacon, who deems
it a sin to rest for day from sanity labor,
and with the mother in Israel who detects
the ssscarlet woman" under every enchant-
ing toilet, and regards every watering
place as tbs moral simi1ituds Of that
determination of deso1ation pronounced
against the ungodly by the prophets
There is class Of women who Will not
desert their husbands; they are above all
praise. Neither dust, nor intolerable heat,
nor smoke, nor the house-ay, nor the deadly
mosquito can drive these devoted souls from
a close guardianship Of their belovedsrousea.
The husband Of one Of these noble, SELF
sacrificing. beautiful creatures protests rath-
er hotly that his wife is in need Of the reju-
venating influence Of country ar; that, in
point Of fact, she droops like the lily of the
valley, and would say, it he dare, that she
fades like the rose. He insists that be IS
willing to dispense with the charm of her .
society for a month in consideration Of the
happiness her return, blooming with health,
would confer upon him. With an air of
divine resignation she responds, gently, but
firmly: s'No, BILLY; my health is as noth-.
ing to your comfort Who, in my absence,
would pin your collar, tie your cravat, and:
upon your return from the days arduous
and harassing duties, bring you your
slippers, bathe your fevered brow, and :
smooth the stray locks scattered here and
there over your bald pate? Who, in word,
in the absence of your devoted MARY ANN,
would calm your perturbed spir1t2 No,
BILLY; your MARY ANN will never, never, de-
sert you |" She remains to cheer and COM
fort him. She is a superb woman. Her
toilets are marvelously attractive. She
makes delightful little whist-parties, consist
ing of the most agreeable deserted husbands
in the neighborhood. She smiles radiantly
upon them, casts reproaches upon their
heartless wives for having deserted than,
and contrasts their for1orn condition with
that of her own BILLY. BILLY heaves q
sigh as, in an aside, one Of the deserted
husbands alludes with suppressed enthu-
siasm to champagne supper OF: the night.
before, an invitation to which he had been
forced for obvious reasons to decline. BILLY
proposes to attend concart at Turner,
Hall, but is negahved by his devoted
wife. 'tNo, my DEAR" says MARY ASS;
"you require rest; that repose which can
only be obtained in the seclusion Of the fam,
ily circle; your brain is overwrought; you,
would excite yourself at that placs. l.
have already invited the entertaining Mr.;
PH1pps and the agreeable Mt. PEPPER to play
a rubber of whist, and you are to make the
fourth. my dear." Tho good-natured BILLY.
acquiesces and subsidies, but INDUCES, under
his breath, in big, big D, at the expense Of
Messrs. PHRps and PEPPER, who flatter his.
wife while they bore him, smoke his fine
aud consume his champagne -
There are several other classes of deserted
husbands. There is the class who affect the
society Of young bloods, and indulge in all
Of e1cesses; ths class who play the.
classic game Of poker till ss the bright rosy.
g,"-aisciples Of scaExok; the class
whoplay billiards till the gas is turned off; the
class who attend two matinees in the courssS
Of 8 single afternoon, witnessing the arrival
nf ono andinuca a,1 4ha> .3or,ort,,ra If ffa