The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1879-05-08
TOO LATE FOR MCPHERSON.
MARX twain .ApoIoriaes For Not sial.ls

Mark Twain ApoIoEises FOR Not SzAAinr
| A speech.
Mark Twain was recently at q dinner
of the Stanley club in Paris, and, being
/ called upon for a speech, is thus le
ported: Mr.. Ryan said to me Just nov
| that I'd got to make q speech. I said uC
Mr.. Ryan, " The news came too late tC
| save Roger Mcpherson" It is sad tC
know that some things always come toe
| late, and, when I look around upon thi:
brilliant assembly I feel disappointed tc
think what nice speech might have
made, what fine topics I might have
| found In Paris to speak about among
these historic monuments, the architec-
ture of Paris, the towers of Notre Dame
| the caves, and other ancient things,
| Then l might have said something about
| the objects of which Paris folks are
| fond literature, art, medicine then
| taking card from his vest pocket as il
| to take q glance at his notesl and adul-
| terry. But the news came too late to
save Roger Mcpherson Perhaps you
are not as well acquainted with McPher-
son as l am. Well, Pn explain who
| Mcpherson was. When VIC sailed from
| New York there came on board 8 man
all haggard - q mere skeleton. He
wasn't much of q man, he wasn't, and
on the voyage we often heard him say to
himself: The news came too late to
save Roger Mcpherson" l got inter
ested, and I wanted to know about the
man, so I asked him who was McPher-
son, and he said " Pm Mcpherson, but
the news came too late to save Roger
Mcpherson" Chow too late 2"
asked. about three weeks too late, :"
be replied. " I'll tell you how it hap
pened: A friend of mine died, and they
told me I must take the body on the
cars to his parents in Illinois. said I'd
do it, and they gave me card with the
address, and told me to go down to the
depot and put it on box I'd find there,
have the box put on the baggage car
and go right along with it to Illinois. I
found the box all right, and nailed the
card on it, and put 1t on the cars then
l went in the depot and got a sandwich.
was walking around eating my sand~
wich, and passed by the baggage-roOm,
| and there was my box, with q young
man walking around, looking at it, and
he ha a card in his hand. I felt like
| going up to that man and saying, 'Stran-
| ger, that's my corpse But I didn't.
I walked on, ate my sandwich, and when
/ gone; but there was that card nailed
right On that box. went and looked
on that card It was directed to Col.
| Jenkins, Cleveland, Ohio. So l looked
IN the car, and there was my box all
| right. Just before the train started, a
man came into the baggsge-car and laid
lot of Limburger cheese down on my
| box. He didn's know what was in my
| box, you know, and didn't know what
was in his paper, but found out later,
1t was an awful cold night, and after We
started the baggage master came in. He
was a nice fellow, johnson was, and he
said A man would iTeeZe to death out
there III make it all right
So he shut all the doors and all the
windows, built a rousing coal fire in che
stove; then we took turns fixing thecar
and peking the fire, till began to smell
| something and feel uncomfortable, 50 /
moved as far away from my corpse as
could, and johnson says to, me, a
| friend of yours Did he die lately
This year, meant"
Says I, "Tl fix it ;" SO I opened 8
window, and we took turns breathing
the fresh air.
After a while johnson said, " Let's
smoke; think that'n fix it."
80 we lit our cigars and puffed bit,
but we got so sick that we let 'em go out
again-it didn't do any good. We tried
the air again. Says Johnson, He's in
no trance, is he2 There's doubt about
some people being dead, but there's no
doubt abeut him, is there7 What did
| he die of T'
We stopped at station, and when We
started of again johnson came in with
d bottle of disinfector, and says, I've
| got something now that'l fix it,"
| So he sprinkled it all around, over
the box, the LimbJrger and over every
thing; but it wouldn't do, the smells
/ didn't mix well.
johnson said, "Just think of it,
We've all got t. die, all got to come to
this"
Then We thought we'd move the box
to one end of the car, 30 we stopped over
| it; took one end and he took the other,
but we couldn't get it far.
johnson says, Well freeze to death il
we stay out on the platform well die
if we stay here"
So we took hold of it again, but John.
son he couldn't stand it, ne fell right
over. I dragged him out on the plat
| form, and the cold air soon brought him
/ 10, Suu We Woub AuLO buS CaL W ECA
| warm.
"What are we going to do?' asked
! johnson, and he looked i'll. "We are sure
to have typhoid fever and half dozer
other feVers. We're piEsned, We are p
At last we thought it was better to &c
out on the platform. In an hour and g
half l was taken of that platform stiff
! nearly frozen to death. Ihey put me tC
bed, and had all them fevers that John
son oke about. You see the thing
worked on my mind. 1t didn't do mC
no good TO learn, three weeks after, that
there had been a mistake-thRt ny
corpse had gone to Col jenkins, Oleve
land, and that I'd taken his box of rife
for decent burial TO Illinois. The new
cams too late to save Roger McPhersoi
about three weeks too late.
Amid roars of applause, Mr.. Twain
closed by saying, "When I'm not pre-
pared to speak, I alWaps apologize, anC
that's the reason I've told you 30 muci
about Roger Mcpherson"
SOME men advertise their lives sn,
the public are generally .ssppoiute,
| because the advertisement promises to,