The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1879-08-13

BufdeIlc happened 10 miss cohnec'
tons at Burlington This home), and
having nothing better to do wrote up
the city for the readers of the Hack
Eye. The following is the conclu'
ding portion Of his letter:
There is q great deal OF wealth in
this city. especially in the more arts
tocratic circles. A man was pointed
out to me yesterday, who, | was told,
came to Burlington % years ago, and
was so poor that be ate pie with q
knife and wiped his brow with his
cuff. He drove an express wagon
and would break all the furniture you
had in the house for so cents q load.
Now be has two dogs and five chill.
dren, and his wife has all her dresses
made over here IN Sage town. And
the man himself has grown to be so
nice that be eats soup with q two
tined fork. There is one family in
the city whose ancestors came over
with William the Conqueror. 1t is
said in the family traditions that they
were even attached to the royal per.
son. At least, it is generally believed
that William rode one of them ashore
and nearly dubbed the ears of him
because, instead of galloping directly
into the battle, he made a rush for
the blooming thistle.
There are as many as seven read
ing clubs in the city, the members Of
which are learning to read with com
mendable r%apidity, and some of them
have already got as far as is it a big
dog i? 1t is a big dog. 1t is Ann:
dog. Will Ann bite the dog? No,
Ann will not bite the dog. Ann
loves her pets.'
The Government of Burlington i:
an unlimited despotism. The Mayor
never goes abroad unless attended
by a body-guard of armed retainers
and, if a citizen calls the Mayor Mr.,
he dies at sunrise. The Mayor is as
sisted in the city government by 9
Council, the powers of which are as
despotic and unlimited as his own.
The Mayor can do anything be
pleases with anybody but the Coun.
Gil, and Council can do anything it
pleases with anybody except the
Mayor.
1t is death fc. a boy to sass q
Councilman.
The Chief of Police rides around
in a carriage drawn by four white
horses, and a brass band accompanies
him everywhere. When he arrests
q burglar, it is some time before the
burglar can exactly understand
whether he is just being taken to the
calaboose or has been elected Presi
dent. He soon finds out, however,
when be gets into the city prison
The gloomy dungeon used to be a
cistern, but it got 10 leaking badly,
and they just nailed down the top,
put a trap door in it, and turned il
into q prison.
1t is located right under the city
Offices, and this market is very pleas
ant for the officials. When the pris.
oners have nothing else to do, they
wall and howl and call the Auditor
names just when be is half way dowr
a column of figures. And, one day
the Treasurer was counting out som,
money to o citizen with a hat full o
script, and the prisoners suddenly
pounded on the floor right under thu
Treasurer's feet and he jumped clea
over The railing.
This is the most terrifying thinI
the prisoners can do, and there ISM
a particle Of exaggeration in tina
statement. Why, not many hundre,
years ago, an Auditor was sitting II
that very office. when all of a suddel
there came a fearful pounding, ant
it scared him so that he jumped clea
over the Mississippi river, and land
ed so far in Illinois that be didn'
get back for six weeks. In conclu
sion, from what | have seen of tn
town and its people, | rather like il
| have concluded to cancel all out
standing engagements and stay her
g while, at. any rate. There is n
place in the city equal to South Hill
for comfort, and l have found a plac'
on Eighth street where the people
tell me that my personal beauty AM
the instructive grace of my converse
ton will be considered an e~quivalen
for my board. 1t is the cheapes
terms | have ever had offered me i
free America. l have already az
cepted the position and shall stay.
have acquired such easy, familiar re
l~ations with the people of the hous
that the baby has already emptie
the ink into my boot, and the mucil
age into the other, and is drawing
map of Hawkeye creek on the bac
of my coat with o piece OF beef gris
tie and q glass of milk. His mothe
tells me | should not let him do il
and perhaps she is right, but VIVA
am i to do? He seems to enjoy i
and / know ] do, and what was thi
world made for if it wasn't for plea
ure (? 1 shall stay in town.