The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-12-27
THIS AND THAT.


i How fair tho blossoms at my feet
: The stars on heavens corulean floor,
;, Whose silvery singing seems to beat
i In pulsng measures evermoro"
n Thon, chasing after his retreat,
voice comes with an angry roar,
"YOu blasted idiot Shut tho door ~
blessed are the poacemakers," said tho
, small boy who dropped a costly vase.
--"Ulster" is q curious name for young
lady, but that is what an Irvington young
man calls his queen. We suppose because
he is so wrapped up in her.
"A hen will set on a nest of eggs for days
without a murmur; but let man set on a
dozen eggs but for minute and he will use
fowl language enough to fill barn-yard,
"A Yankee woman recently married d
Chinese laundryman, and in three days
thereafter the unhappy Celestial appeared
at BARRIERS shop and ordered his pig-tai1
cut off, saying in explanation, "Too muchee
yank.'
-"What is the difference between the
masons and their tenders" asked Mr.. Prac-
tical, $50 long as they get the same pay ~
"The difference lies in the hods," replied
John, the Britisher.
-"I don't see how there ever came to be.
so many words in the world /" exclaimed a
little girl who was studying her spelling les.
son. "Why, sis" said her brother "they
come through folks quarreling. Then you
know, one word brings on another"
AT the Thanksgiving dinner her papa
said to her: "Nelly, will yod have some of
the turkey ?" eyes, papa" was the reply
of the four-year-old as she looked at the
stufiing, /" but l won't have any of the
hash"
The county JUL at Breckenridge, Mimi,
was burned on Monday night the goth, and
a negro prisoner perished in the flames.
An emacated humorst who had been
sick for long time, was required by his
doctor to have large mustard plaster put
on his chest "Lool here, doctor isn't there
great deal of mustard when the quantity
of meat is taken into consideration ?" asked
the sufferer.
-"Don't you loYe her still 2" asked the
judge of man who wanted divorce. "Cer-
tainly, do" he said. al love her better
still than any other way; but the trouble is
she will never be still" The Judge, who IS
a married man himself, took the case under
| ADJUSTMENT.
-Mamma.-"What is the matter, dar-
linz Np, J,,,,l 4 ~
Precious darling-"No don't, mamma.
find you save gone and engaged yourself to-
be married again without my approval,
when had already promised you one Of
Gerty's uncles."
"A turtle was recently taken from thes
st. Johns River, Florida, with the Spanish
coat-oi-arms and tho date 1900 engraved
upon his back. The turtle was put back
into the river with the added inscription.
eastern Herald, Palatka, Fla, 1870"
-"Why should a monument be erected TO
Adam p asks an exchange. Well, because
we don't want to forget tic old fellow; be-
cause he never parted his hair in the mid.
die, OF wore an ulster, because he is the on
ly man who eyer had things his own way,
and because, not knowing when he was we'll
of, he went and got married And now
he's dead
The owner of n hotel up on Mount Tam.
alpais has a property catamount rigged up
in tree about halfa mile from the house;
and employs an old half breed to sit under
abush near by to growl and work the dunn
my's paws by means of couple of small
cords on pulleys. The young hunters from
the city invariably come across the "pan=
ther," fire one volley, hear blood-curdline
yell, and mako three minutes dash back
to the cabin again, where they sit and OUT
lie each other for the rest of the day. Tho
hotel-keeper says that by the time the fraud
is shot all to pieces he expects to have enough
money to start daily newspaper.
There was tailor onco who made
pair of trousers for Gen. Andrew jackson.
During thelatter's Presidency, at a reception
given him in Baltimore, the aforesaid tailor
approached the Generaland cordially clasped
his hand. al do not remember your name,"
whispered the old Democrat, "pray favor
me with it," al made your breeches,"
whispered back the embarrassed tailor.
Gentlemen" said Gen. Jackson, tnrning to
the assembled company, "Let me present
you to my friend Maj Bridges"
Although Mr.. Darwin has large follow
ing among educated Englishmen he enjoys
no support upon the frequenters of the Lon
don music halls, as may be gathered from
the following stanza, which appears in q
now popular tOng:
A friend Of Darwln's came to me-
"A million years ago." said hc,
"You had tnil and no big toe"
Said l, "NIy friend, It may be so,
But I've got one now, III let you know"
Spoken "Get out -
The spoken words are accompanied with
iorcible kick, which admits of no doubt Of
the antagonistic attitude of the singer to-
wards the doctrine of evolution.
When our friend NumslSull read what
A. Bronson Alcott says of Emerson, ellis
writings read just as well backward as for
ward he Immediately exclaimed, "Why;
that's just how it is with me aud the Mon
day lectures They're just as clear to me
backward as forward. If anything, little
clearer"
"A man hugs his sweetheart with all the
fervor of passionate devotion, he hugs his
sister with manly and respectful and earliest
affection, he hugs his wife with the deepest,,
strongest and purest love of his mahhooil,
but when he hugs the inOnimate and ire
sponsive cigar store Indian-ah, tb ere ia
confidence, and an appealing
yearning for support and protection in his
clinging embrace.
The exports Of domestic provisions and
tallow from the custom districts of the Un-
tied States during September were valued
at Sc ,542 $50, an increase Of $500, eonpar-
ed with the exports Of September, 1875