The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1879-12-27
Select Sturg,
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.
BY HELEN FORREST GRAVES.

"Broiled spring chickens for tea eh I"
said |. "And lobster salad, and fried cys-
ters Upon my word, this looks as if we
were going to have company"
$50 we are, my dear, said my wife,
looking little guilty, as she polished up
the surface of the big silver tea-tray with
new chamois leather "They are all
come to visit me-uncle Silas, and aunt
Melceut, and the children, and cousin
Joab, and the two Miss Wilmerdings, and
my aunt Louisa, to meet the Reverend
Mr.. Speakwell, from Minnesota, who mar
ried my second cousin, Jerusha Wilde.
Mr.. Speakwel Is troubled with catarrh,
and he thinks Of staying at our house for
few weeks, while he is treated by DIR.
| Dosem y
put down my linen duster aud brown
paper parcels with some emphasis.
"0h, confound the Reverend Mr.. Speak
woli ~ said 1.
"John p calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, | cant help it, said |.
"It's not in human nature to endure
everything Aud I've been relationed out
Of all patience, ever since our marriage.
The Jenkinses went away last week, the
Birdsalls took an aiiectionate leave yes
terday, and now, just as | was eontem-
plating peaceful evening by ourselves,
here's a new swarm, hungrier than the
rest, Just about to settle down upon US
In my opinion, Kitty, my dear, relations
should be abolished H
81 am surprised at you, John, said my
wife. "My own people, that are so fond
of me y
''There's where you are mistaken, my
DEAR said |. ats your comfortable
spring beds, and good cookery, that they
are fond of, net you
"John y
"Id be willing TO wager good round
sum on the truth of my assertion" said |.
because you have no relations your
self"
"Thank Providence for that y said /,
deyoutly. II was reared in fouudliug
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerable success in the
world"
ats no reason you should find fault
with mine, said Kitty, with her bright
blue eyes full Of tears. "And Mr.. Speak
well is such aspiritually.minded man, and
dear uncle Silas loves you just as it you
were his only son, and cousin Joab is so
interested in the children.
Sim much obliged to em, said |, dry
ly. "But | slept all last week on sofa
cushions laid in the bath tub; and we had
fourteen people here over the anniversa-
ries; aud was obliged to give up my own
room for month last winter to old Mr..
Mausewcll, not to speak Of our being half
poisoned with aunt Louisa's hygeian
mcsses, in the fall, When the poet said,
"There's no place like home" l presume
he meant when there were no relations Wis.
itiug him. "I'll tell you what, my dear"
with sudden inspiration, I've great
mind formally to deed over this house to
your relations, if they will agree solemnly
to leave me 10 peace for the rest of my
life, wheresoever | may set up my family
tent |"
Nonsense !" said my wife. aDo 90 up
stairs and change your things, and brush
your hair, and get ready for tea. They're
all waiting in the best parlor, and | was
expecting your return to sec about hiring
some cot-beds from the village hotel, to
put up in the attic for those four little
Speakwell children. You see. aunt Lou
sia has the blue bedroom, and cousin
Joab sleeps in the little wing chamber, and
Mr.. and Mrs. Speakwell viii have our
room, and
"Indeed ]" said l. "And we are to
sleep in the barn, | suppose ?"
"Dou be cross, John, said my wife,
appealingly, zone must be hospitable, you
know. And l can easily make up the sofa
bed 10 the back parlor for our use, for a
week or two"
| said nothing, but ground my teeth in
silent despair, as sprung up stairs, two
steps at time, to make what changes |
could 10 my toilet by the aid Of ten By
twelve glass, hung over the washstand Of
a stufy little bathroom.
The Reverend Mr.. Speakwell was big
man, with still bigger voice, and limp,
faded little wife, whose sole earthly inter
ests seemed ceutcred ia her four white
eyed, freekle faced children Uncle Silas
aud aunt Melicent we're silent couple,
with excellent appetites, aud two tall boys
who giggled and snickered at each other
10 the intervals Of the conversation.
Cousin Joab talked necessarily with his
mouth full, and the two Miss Wilaerdings
served as general echoes to the rest while
aunt Louisa devoured lobster salad ad
libi.um and kept on sending up her cup
for more green tea, until | trembled for
her nerves.
While my wife. careful and troubled