Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-03-15
WHITE, SILVER. GRAY. BRONZE. MON
UMENTS, WHICH. WHEN TRANS
LATED, MEAN MUDDY, DIRTY.
LEAD-OOLORED ZINC
HUMBUGS.

Mr.. Bronze some time since began Q TRADE of
abuss upon marble throughout the country. and
even published . piece In . county paper,
using such language as would Disgrace any
one. Yet we treated it with silent contempt; We
never supposed that the good people of this
county could be humbugged enough by one Of
these :stovcpipe monumental agents to enable
him to pay his expenses while travelling.
Mr.. Bronze, armed with the Bronze circulars.
till:Intrigues, canvassing the county throughout,
and svailing himself of every possible oppor-
tunity to humbug the people aud throw cold
water on the marble trade. He had the impu,
dence to approach US with his circulars to prove
the beauty and durability of these zinc abor-
tons. (As It we had never seen one of these
zinc circulars.) We received y lumber. among
the first that were printed, aud gave them =
careful and unbiased prrusal, but at that date
we had not seen one Of these machines erected.
We wondered what they would stand upon; We
could not think It possible that they placed them
upon stone bases, as the writer of the circular
uses the most OF twenty pages to prove that
marble, granite and stone will crumbIe 10
pieces. II SO. what will become of their zinc
boxesf Another thing is, how do they fastep
them down to keep the wind from blowing them
away. We have been informed that they ill
them with stone. We suppose they must have
= trap door to put the stone in, and that is handy,
No the purchaser could use it for . chicken coop
or g place In which 70 store coal after he had
got his eyes open and found that he had dis
graced his departed relative by erecting one Of
those ridiculous huinbugs over his grave. After
reading the circular u second time it occurle ed
to Us that the head of him who wrote 1t resem-
bled his monuments-tt needed something In
side to balance it; It certainly Is hollow, or he
would not make use OF the following remark.
"History informs Us that bronze has been in
use unimpalred by age for thousands ofyears."
A. If any school boy didn't know that. and how
they were made. and right here we will inform
Mr.. Bronse that he can make more money out
of US than he can by selling his bake ovens,
as re Will give him twice the amount he has
N Ide on them if he will prove that he uses one
grain Of the metal used in the bronze referred
to above. The ancient bronze was an alloy of
copper, tin and gold. The materials which
they use Is New Jersey zinc. You will huvs to
ill that vacant place in your Uranium with
something besides stones to balance 1t. before
you can make an intelligent public believe that
New Jersey sine is equal to bronSe.
Hear him again: He says, they will retain
their color for ages. a beautiful silver gray,
What y disgrace to the metal that makes the dol
lara OF our dads, to compare It with such lead
| COlOreQ trash.
Another reference to their circular: Ger
tidcate Of Signor A. Cartepassi. tho well known
artist OF Cincinnati, Ohio"
Carly put his foot In it when he said he saw q
statute that was erected in Lucca, Italy. called
''Popparona' that had been up over three hun
dred ysars, cast from solid zinc. That would
as . distinct metal. We can't understand it,
perhaps Carly and the writer Of that circular
can: Another thing, there is no such statue cast
In zinc or even In bronze In the city OF Lucca.
I;aIy.
Another, which comes from Prof. J.. W.
Armstrong, reads thus: ~ see no good reason
the pyramids of Egypt Now is 1t not strange
that they should put this INTO their circular, a.
granite will crumble and go to rum. In fact, the
whole circular is used for the purpose OF show
Ing what destructIble and worthless materials
theS are. Yet this Professor says he sees no good
reason why they should not stand ss long as the
pyramids of Egypt. when It'll well-known that
the pyramids are built of stone. Funny isn't
II. We might go on, but space will not permit,
and az the majority Of their references are their
agents. some may think We arc too severe upon
a au rid.cniens pMs ~ man ha p.aces nimseii IN such
an idiot What else cou d you call him ? See
what he says Of the carving. The decorations
carved on marble, as they are cast and are more
hrrn and beautiful" The idea that zinc can be
run into mouids, so that 1t will be more ~beaQt.ful
Than carving on marble certainly could not have
emanated from any but = weak brain. This is
the way the Bron1e head tries to pull the wool
vscA u puOtS EYES, u6luX every means TO
degrade marble. granite and stone, telling YOU
that u Is worthless until they sell you lneir Iino
boxes, and then the poorest Sandstone will do 10
set 1t on when they get your cash.
There is one Of these zinc tomhs erected in
Machpelah cemetery; what does 1t look like :
Like all zinc. q dark. dirty. lead-colored gray.
would he ridiculous. It's cast about one fourth
or three eighths OF ar inch in thickness, and then
III pieces. Tho pieces have TO be rlvsted togeth-
Or, and any ne knows that bolts ur rivrts WI !
not resist the acu IN Of the weather for any
length OF time, and It sets on u bastard line
stone, such as We have not used for marble for
years. And their circular says IL will not cor.
rode or rust. We say II will and will prove it to
any one that VIII 60 with US to see 1t.
In order to help The unfortunate who has bean
deceived into purchasing Que Of these monu-
nients. We you'd suggest that II is not entirely
useless, As 1t can be used AS u sEnoke-house 10
cure bacon, OF they can be placed on top Of the
chimney II 1t smokes. What u glorious thing il
Is thst nothing goes to waste IN this world; even
these monuments, made to disgrace the dead and
insult the living. can be used.
NY dear departed Jane.
My hear, is dlied with pam;
For l gave my last Cent,
To buy a monument
( New Jersey zinc.
Now what do you think,
Ihey have carried II away,
And have got 10 pay
For II marble head stone,
It fairly makes me groan;
Forgive me darling Jane,
For It never shall happen again,
ror when my next vile dies.
They can't fool Inc with lies,
About their zinc trash,
III pay my little cash,
And get u granite tomb,
!ilat VIII last TIL the crash of doom.
Ills not true that y good quality of marble will
SFack anu c1umo!e when exposed to the weathe.
10y U great Length of time. OF course If the
stones have been cut improperly or handled
roughly. cracks will he made which will uiii.
mate!y show themselves alter having been ex.
posed Tor any length OF time to louxI w.uiher
anu IL Is this which Causes the chipping OF
STONES so often noticed in the Cemeteries. Rut
unuer the process now used for quarryinQ mar
oNe anu cutting 1t into the desired form, the
marble cannot possibly crack, and will lust for
centuries: II 10 U fact which we presume. none
'teria! to use for monuments. 1t IS both Lesu-
t.Iui and enduring. and cheaper in the end than
ENC, bronze or anything that could be used for
the purpose.
Jemlma awake, what .s the matter,
Ihe storm Is awful. hear the %clutter.
row can you sleep In such a rain
ine noise Is ieai full. hear It again;
Sonn, you're q dunce-a perfect lout,
Sotto Know what the noise is about,
And the RATTLE YOU hear SO plain,
tnat makes oil that noise and din,
- nothing but the hail and ram,
feittng those shell monuments OF tin.
mat are male of zinc from New jersey.
JUST go 10 sleep and don't bother me.
MARBLE MEN.
Have just opened q full line Of the famous
Jamestown dress goods, In the new sprinu
effects. They are warranted no, TO .bripk-
water does not inturs them-eal and sx,m.
the, CoDklin9,