The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1879-07-01
MISCELLANY.

MISCELLANY.
Mr.. Parmenas Mix has furnished the
Detroit Free Press man with a new
song, to be sung by the man on the
drop, entitled "Im Saddest When I
Swing"
An English duke finds deficit OF
81, 500, 600 - Exchange. That's moth
ing. We just looked in our purse and
didn't find 800, 1000. 600 that we felt
sure ought to be there.
Professor in law recitation: "Mr.-,
what is excusable homicide?" Sen
Tor, promptly: "Excusable homicide is
when man kills himself in self-de-
fence"
DIR. HALEY says that the total evapo-
ration caused by the rays of the sun
on the surface of the Mediterranean sea
amounts to 81, 800, 900, 900 tons of wa
ter in one summer day.
The Peruvian miners chew cocoa
leaves, which have a mild, sedative in
fuence, and are thought to increase
strength. They assist endurance
through long periods of abstinence.
How much for the broad faced
chicken on the fence?" inquired an
Irishman Of a farmer. "Thats not a
chicken; it's an owl" replied the far
mer. 81 don't care how ould he is;
want to buy him." said the Irishmsn.
Paris paper: "Did you see the Bar
on Y. horse fall on his jockey over
that hurdle?" "Oh, yes The Jockeys
killed, but the horse is all right. -
"Yes, know. IL don't amount to any
thing, but the Baron must have been
fearfully scared"
That man is rich, said tho conduc-
tor. "You know him, then?" said
companion. mo; but he groaned
when he paid his i1re!" does every
rich man groan when he pays his
fare?" mo; but everyone who does
groan is rich,
"Johnnie, what is n noun?" "Name
of a person, place or thing" "Very
good. johnnie, give an example. -
''Hand. organ grinder. "And why is
'hand-orgau grinder a noun?" BE
cause he's person plays thing"
The possibilities of the telephone
are not exhausted, and there is no tell
ing where the science Of acoustics will
end. Large steamboats, are now daily
conveyed by sound from New York TO
New Haven and rice rersa.
London Fun: Tim-"Hallo, Pat,
what have you got there?" Pat
Faith, I've been after buying goose.
| Tim-"Au' where are are the giblets?"
-"Bedad, forgot the giblets. I'll
go back and fetch them"
Second class in grammar, stand
up, said the schoolmaster. "John is
who does John correspond with?"-
II know" said the little boy at the
/ foot, holding up his hand. "If you
mean John Smithers. he corresponds
with my sister Susan.
4 waiter was told by a countrymdn
! to "bring something OF what he had. ="
/ The waiter brought regular dinner
upon small dishes, as Is the usual
\ form, and set them around his plate
/ The countryman surveyed them care
/ fully moment. and then broke out:
"Well, like your samples; now bring
on your dinner
The tramp's last dodge is to ask
your advice about going to the next
town, and when you warmly advise
him to go, he saws he has much conf
dence in your good judgment, and will
emigrate further on at once. "But,"
ne adds, wouldn't you advise me to
borrow zen cents before start?"
4 gentleman was one day relating to
a Quaker a tate Of deep distress, and
concluded very pathetically by saying,
Il could not bat feel Tor him. "Ver-
", friend" replied the Quaker, "thou
didst right in that thou didst feel for
thy neighbor; but didst thou feel in
the right direction--didst thou feel in
thy pockets"
They begged him 10 play little
He seemed 10 feel bashful at first, but
after while began TO paw the ivory Wig
orously "What power" said a listen
er 30 the owner OF the piano. "Yes."
exclaimed the latter in alarm, che
seems to have considerable muscle; but
he ought 10 know that this isn't gym
nasium.
A man had purchased a watoh-dog
whose name was Cesar. why do
you call him Cesar?" asked the msn.
"Because," the seller responded, che
is OF a roamin' nature" "Well, but
wanted a faithful Watchdog" protest
ed the buyer. you've got him
you've got him." gleefully assured the
seller, 'Ae's a watch that1l always
run"
Crude oil ia obtained in ten different
provinces in Japan, and it's existerce
has been known, according TO Japan
ese writers, since A. ID. 6l5, but the art
OF purifying il was not till some six
years ago; since which time refining
establishments have been erected in
five different places, with total cspac-
ity of turning out 1000 gallons per
day.
A small, ragged boy entered an oys-
Ter house in Salem, Mass, and asked:
"will you sell me an oyster for cent?
| want 10 tor my sick mother" What
j. the matter with your mother?" ask
"a the man, as he proceeded TO fill
can with oysters, thinking he would re-
Heve case oi suffering. "She's got a
black eve, was the reply. The benev-
olence rapidly faded IRON the mini OF
the oyster man as he put one oyster in
! paper bag.