The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-09-06
COMICALITIES.

WHEN lady stands at hymeneal
altar with her intended, you may know
she is about to draw her beau into a
knot.
CHOW we've got good one. Kero-
sene oil will fiddle as well as whisky.
Anyhow, it makes locomotives head
light. "--iSantd Fe Sentinel.
The late senator Jim Nye never passed
an organ-grinder without tossing him at
least quarter. He liked his music
ground out in regular sections.
"No," she said, and the wrinkles in
her face smoothed out pleasantly, "No,
[ do not remember the last seventeen
year locusts / was an infant then"
ACT one, they meet as in pleasant dream;
Act two, he'll treat to soda and ice-cream;
Act three, his cash, alasi is nearly played
Act four, his girl grows cold, sedate and sald (,
Act five, Just as his love is ripe and yellow,
His girl is sporting with another fellow.
"THE mills of the gods grind slowly"
This is because the hands are paid by the
day. Will the gods never learn that it is
to their interest to let out work by con-
tract. Herald.
| THE St. Louis TInses-JoaunaI says that
the old story of Romulus and Remus
being raised by wolf is outdone every
day in Ketucky, whele men are raised
by mules, sometimes fatally.
?. T. BARNUM estimates that he sold
"a ,000.554 tickets to his shows during
his forty years of life. But he can't
guess how many boys crept under the
canvas.-Detr0it Free Press.
A MAN out west who read that dry
copperas put in bed of ants would
cause them to leave, put some in his
mother-in-law' bed to see if she wouldn't
go. He says she was there at last &C
! counts.
"WHAT part" asked Sunday school
teacher, "of the burial of Sir John
Moore do you like best?" He was
thoughtful for a moment and then re-
piled, few and short were the prayers
we said"
IN selecting hair for butter, care
should be taken to have the hair CORE
spond in color with the butter. Dairy
maids who pay any attention to style
will do well to make a note of this
| GreensliH on Dairy Products.
IT is when his wife hands him a brand
new napkin, that has never had the
| starch washed out of it, that the newly
|
could clean his face with yard or two
of floor oil-cloth.- W. Il. Ke7snard.
Pork AND BEANS is the name of 81
new Iowa paper.-EG. Hominy sub
scribers does the editor of such paper
expect to secure? Pork and Beans
should be published in Greece.-N01r5s-
torn Herald.
1T may be that the simple-minded
farmer has no selfish design in telling
the tourist that fish will bite only at
potato bugs, and in kindly offering to bet
the disciple of Walton go into the pota~
to patch and get all the bait he wants.
"GREEN STREET." called out the con-
ductor. "Green's treat, eh?' calculated
an inebriated individual in the corner
of the car, call right (hic), just as 'lieve
drink off of Green (hie) 3 any other
man."
"JENNIE, did you divide that choco-
late with your little brother?" Yes'm;
| took the chocolate and gave him the
label; you know how fond he is of spell
ing his letters"
The girl who sings to an admiring
company in the front parlor, " You
must wake and call me early, mother
DEAR" is the same creature who expects
her mother to make the fire, get the
milk and bring her breakfast up to her
room.-NorristoaCn Herald.
IT was in Nantucket, the other day
On the way up from the boat one of the
party asked the driver, Do you play
7Pinafore here?" "Guess not" an
swered the benighted islander with 8
puzzled look, but we play billiards. p
Boston Transcript
A BOY on South Hill toiled hard all
the afternoon in looking for material
with which to keep bonfire alive. At
six O'Clock, when bis mother asked him
to bring in load Of wood, he said he
never could have any tlln with the other
boys! always had to work all day at
| home.
A WORD of advice from the New York
| Herald: When, after leaving your
country cousins at the depot, you hoist
| their bushels of plums and pears aboard
your train, do not forget TO tell them
that you would invite them to the city
next winter if you did not live in SO
small house."
A PETITE, bIue-eyed maiden, who was
nursing her fifth Christmas doll, and
listening to her mother and some female
friends talking about domestic broils and
divorces, created rather pleasant SEN
sation by renarking, "Well, ma, Pm
never going to marry. Pm going to be
a widow" ~
A MAN wearing wet clothes and car
rylng fishing rod and basket, stopped
train on the Erie railroad by giving
the danger signal. What's the mat
teri" the conductor asked. The man
eoolly replied that he had caught an
enormous trout, and thought the passen
gers might like to look at it.
GLASS in the agricultural college
Protessor-Is there any way to obtain
good fruit without grating or budding?
IStudent-Yes, sir. Professor-Please
explain the process. Student-Watch
your chance, and when the farmer goes
TO dinner crawl over in the orchard and
steal lt-Cincannah Enquirer.
A LITTLE Sunday school girl in Pitts
burg had been taught by her mother not
to say shall and shdn't but to use some
other equivalent. On reciting her Sun
day school lesson, "The Lord is my
shepherd, | shall not want" she sur
prised her teacher by an improved YER
SION rather not want"
A YOUNG man writes to inquire if it
Is proper to take hold Of young lady's
arm IN promenadirg. Certainly it is.
Nothing looks so nice as to see a tall
youth WALKING with q I;++Io Iodu xybo