The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-01-16
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
The improvident man Is hard to KIN.
because he will not die worth . cent,
LrI1s drops of water.
Little grains of sand.
MAKO q weighty sugar
Meath the grocers hand.
The Canadian refused to take off his
collar just previous to his execution,
fearing he might take cold.
In the Spanish Provinces the hotel
cooks use the same style of pots used
by the Romans before Christ.
MOTHER (noticing her sons greedi-
ness)-"George, you should always
leave the table feeling that you could
eat little more" Son-"I do.
mother. Utica Observer.
ELEVEN clergymen, of Bridgeport,
Conn.,. united in protest against the
introduction of gambling at q fair to be
held there to raise money to improve
the cemetery, and published it.
A CAT at Morrisville, Mass, is en-
deavoring to corner the ouse-killing
market and establish q monopoly by
stealing and taking home all the traps
she can find. She already has five.
A PENNSYLVANIA girl waited q whole
year before bringing suit for damages
against man who kissed her without
warning, and the crushing verdict of
one cent damages took her breath
away.
THE difference 'twixt tweedledum
and tweedledee is illustrated by the
fact that the rich man with great APP
petite is called an epicure, and the
tramp with great appetite is called a
glutton.
IA HAIRLESS HE1FER'' is on exhi-
bition in the Western cities, and we
catch q glimpse into that happy fu-
turity when the capillary attraction of
clearinghouse butter will be but a
reminiscence.-NesU Haven Register.
81 SHAY, my frien'. can you (hic)
tell me where the other side of the
street is?' Certainly; just across the
way; why do you askf'' "Why (hic)
because a minute ago asked another
Teller the same thing, and (hic) he
said this was the other side of the
street,"
A POOR man of Chicopee, Mass, re-
Gently lost his pig, and his sympathiz-
ing neighbors promptly raised $40 and
presented it to him, when in bounced
his wife and, wanting them to under
stand that she was not going to be made
an object of charity, compelled him to
return the money.
A NEW YORK man recently ''poohed''
at his wife for making so great fuss
in public over the loss of a Skye ter.
rier named Lilly, at which she turned
on her husband in the presence of the
police and multitude and exclaimed:
"Oh! I detest you. / like my Lilly a
hundred times better than you! This
quoted him.
ITEM from Canadian paper: "A few
days ago the Marquis of Lorne went
to skate on a pond adjoining the Ri
deau Park. and one of the Constables
was sent to the sp0. to drive away q
number of boys who were also skating.
His Excellency babe the Constable de-
sist, and in company with the boys
the Govcrnor-General spent pleasant
hour"
A wELL-DREssED man entered the
Bank of England, threw down penny
for the stamp, and asked for check
When it was handed to him he filled il
up to "self' for E10O, signed it, and,
receiving the money, withdrew. AS he
had no account at the Bank of England
that institution lost f1OO by the trans.
action, whilst the Government gained
one penny.
BRIDGET need not 90 to prayers
against her will. This domestic ques.
ton has been settled in an nglist
County Court, where a cook sued hel
mistress for months wages in lieu Of
notice, she having been dismissed be-
cause she refused to join in the family
prayers. TheJudge ordered the money
to be paid, as there had been no stipu.
lation that the plaintiff was to attend
prayers; and she was engaged to cook,
! not 4<, ,,rau
AN extremely rare fish, a singular
specimen Of the spineous shark, never
before seen in American waters, has
been found at Providence, Mass. 1t is
about eight feet long, with thick body,
a skin comparatively smooth, large
numbers of short, bony thorns protrud.
ing from all parts, and but one row Of
teeth on each jaw, while its nose is flat
and round. This shark is seen on the
east coast of Europe and Africa and in
the Mediterranean Sea, but rarely.
A LONDON physician says that smok-
ing cigars causes various disorders Of
the circulation and indigestion, palpi.
tation of the heart, bleeding of the nose
and liberation of the mucous mem.
brane of the mouth. This is bad enough,
but if the English doctor had examined
little more closely into the effect the
habit of smoking had upon the consti.
tuition, he would have discovered that
it also leads to bank defalcations, ossi.
fication of the heart, a disposition to
run for Congress, boly-snatching, hay.
fever, highway robbery, strabismus,
bunions and croquet.-Chicago Times,
The following letter, written in Ro-
man characters, was received in the
Dead-Letter Office, New York City:
Dec. II.
DEAR SANTA CLAUS: Please bring me a village
and book. and please bring Annie a trunk and
please bring lmocenc book and 9, jumping
rope. Please bring mamma one of the follow
| ing things: Two small frames, pair of blankets
writin.-papcr a new frame for oil-painting o.
anything else, and papa stick Of pomade. W.
asked for too much. We all send love. You
affcctiOnate friend,
| WILLIAM DOUGLAS TRACY.
The World says: "The letter reached
Santa Claus. He lives in the Postoffice
building, and, in reply, forwarded q
1n<<oy. ~ Tho poofy,, ofos. If Station r
asking for Williams address, to 'avoid
the mistake of dropping the articles
down the wrong chimney
The Story Of . Secret Marriage ana
the Fatality Following It.
As STRANGE tragedy as has occurred
in this city for many day was tina
which last night eliminated in tn
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