Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-10-01
FuNNYaaAPHs.

FuNNYaRAPHs.
30, youth, with smooth, sand.papersd pats,
The night IL dark, the hour IL late.
Why do you linger ON my gatef"
al stay to help your daughter hold
This gate upon it, hinges old;
Go in, old man, you're catching cold
The old man sought his little bed
And on it laid his patient head;
"I think my gate is safe" }" he said.
-Cvmcinnati Star.
A LANE farmer was asked If he had
corn on his toe. "No," he said, "but
I've got lots on the ear"
IT is very natural for mans eyes to
be watery when he has q cataract In
them. Herald.
A YOUNG p0etess pathetically In.
quires, "Can love die Z" We don't
think it can, but 1t Ii occasionally love
sick.-NeU Haven Register.
"A FRAUD in Silksl" 10 the start
ling head line in an exchange. Ali
went back on you, did ahef-Recklasd
Courier.
"a hair on the head ID worth dossn
in the hash" says An exchange. But
then it doesn't attract near 70 much at-
tention.-OI CITY Derrick.
A YOUNG lady from st. Louis, Waiting
in Cincinnati, says: TITS awful handy
to have q big booktionary with glA9
windows to keep the big dictionary md
onethinganother In"
"How to Tell Bad Eggj'' il The title
of IN article in an exchange. When you
have anything to tell q bad egg, yon
must be careful mot to break the shell
while impArting the information.
The Rome Sentinel has an article on
How to Detect Ripe Waternelons." !"
That's easily done, Gays the Boston Pes.
You eat the melon, and II It doesn't give
you grip like Free Mason It h ripe.
CAPT. PAUL BoYToN intends TO ct
married. It is to be presumed that
when he became suit0r for tho young
lady's hand her mother casually OBJ
served: "Well, sir, water your inten-
tionsf'
A YOU'VE man never feels 70 much ats
oss what to do, ~ whom he takes his
girl to . picnic, big ant crawls down
her back and begins to bite just above
the belt, and she begins to scratch Tor
help.-MSddletosc 1Sansmipt.
BULKINs, in referring to the time his
wife complimented him, says the coal
fire needed replenishing, and she pointed
toward the fireplace with = commanding
air, and said, Peter, the grate."
Bradford Era.
sBLL JoHxs," !" aaid ballying urchin
to another lad, "the next time ] catch
YOU alone I'll Aog you like anything"
SWELL replied Bill, 81 aint ofton
much alone; l commonly have my Aes
and fists with me-"
PRIsoHER, you have committed .
frirhtful murder; ct II you have coan-
mitted an atrocious crime which ranks
you with Chastine Cox and the Italian
barbera The prisoner (modsatly) )-sce1,
70 father mel
TIE Boston Pbse knows Of { man,
4 victim 10 tobacco, who hant tasted
! food for 40 yea1a." Az for that, W
| know of 4 man. q victim to to6aooo, who
hasn't tasted food for ~ yeoEA The
tobacco killed him 1882.
A PARK policeman seeing . yellow d0g
near two hsndsOmely.dreDed WOMAN,
apuroaches respectfully and mys: Does
tks heauchiful little creachure bsIoag
"a Won. ladiesf" "Nercy, mol" Park
policeman (lifting his camel ~" Get ont
q here, you beast."
III wIsH were you shout two houM "
she aid. with greaf Tenderness And
WV. nv dear be aGlEed with oon1ld.
erabie Interest. Because ~ rid,
toviur aNectionately with his watcA-
chsin-" because then ] would buy ~
wife now bonnet"
a LAZY man, says the Yonkss g.
..tse hayins 4 W. named Hons, who's
custom Il Va to pull Of her huaeend's
boots every evening. wa. Won't g exc!ean
ON such occaaions: How truly = =
aid that Hope = Tie anchor q -
sole.'"
Tnx bell-pnnch \ ssnsrally sappod
to be . modem inven4ou, hut y Naa
evidently n use n Nacbeeh's nne. hc9
the fast that he aayn: Go ~ ~ -
troaL when my drink h ready, - etxtl1
upon tho ball p Bcstes Oenva5 1as.
Tn touching ssatimsnt Our Azut
il Heayen,D = appeaEed after - obituary
1910 n : Ph1ladolphia paper, an0 -
father 81 the chlld came lnto - o1|go
ra9ins uaad. It M ~ third 0ooa II
his family, and - doGl1od n knnM a.
the clerk Wheeo 10 snppo1 ~ te1o9
two had eCne. - H6U1u
THunn vim - fyo ElndaY1 T. mR4
| February. Think q - mneh n914n
/ I-r- rT{.- 80 AI-l 1I<2k