Smyrna times., 1879-08-20
Newspaper Waits.

The height of the season-1OO degrees.-Boston Post.
man cares little for his wrongs when getting his
funeral rites
1t is evident that the earth is feminine from the
persistence with which she refuses to tell her age.
-, Verify there is nothing in this life wholly good or
wholly bad.-Boyton Transcript Amt, eh? You forget
The barber of the Governor General of the Domin-
ION styles himself Lorne mower to her Royal High
ness, etc, etc
Syracuse boy put his sisters switch into cannon
Tor wadding on the Fourth. lie said that was the
proper way to bang her hair.
Another revolution is in progress in Mexico We
believe this makes iS7 since the LIST of july with some
OF the back counties yet to be heard from.-ADony
LandlGdy," said he the coffee is not settled"
No. Sald she but 1t comes as near it as your last
month $ board bill does and that man never spoke
again during the meal
Pious old lady: Just think, Eta. only five mis-
sionaries to twenty thousand cannibals! Kind
hearted niece: Goodness! The poor cannibals will
starve to death at that rate
If you want q pug dog madam, what is a pug"
said dog tancer to would-be purchaser this here
ones the dog; why his nose just turnin somersets
atween his ears all the time"
Greenbacker. while denouncing Secretary Sher-
man Shyock was asked by listener: Who was
Shylock, anyhow The indignant orator replied in
whitening tones: Well, if you don't know, you had
better go home and read your Bible r-EOrhdad Press
you love me - echoed the fair Young creature rs
her pretty head oiled the collar of his summer suit
1 aGS., nc said tenderly you are my own and only
Il LUSH she interrupted, don't say that-be origi
bills ~ ~ 40 NUN ''A' ''"' i 'l-' '''"
TELL" he said to the doctor, tell me frankly is
| there any hope" Yes, sir, a great deal. The
statistics show that one out Of every hundred affected
hundredth have treated for the maady, and have
| not cured one of them"
A fellow in a cattle show, where he made himself
conspicuous by his bluster, cried out: call these
prize cattle Why, they amt nothing to what our
man round our parts" mo doubt of itT said a
| bystandcr and the nOisieSt.'
| The game laws should be amended some more It
IS all right to impose fine for shooting game out of
season, but what is wanted is clause inserted to
enable man to shoot game and catch fish in season.
We have found It easy enough not to shoot game out
OF season. To kill it in season is what bothers
| A country woman stopped some ten minutes in
front of store in Springfield to gaze patent fly
trap in operation. which pretty well filled, and
after studying the placard So intently moved after
piping out to the great amusement of the bysanders
Iew dollars wouldn't give two cents for all the
flies in Springfield
, Very genial was good old Dean Erskine of Ripon
when jocOse rural dean said to him, in bantering
way, " don't see why. if you cathedral deans have
the prefix Very Reverend, rural deans shouldn'
have some prefix, tco? well" replied the canny
Scot with chuckle suppose we call you Rather
Reverend" d""-TiaapLe Bar.
| When some year ago an eminent Australian wa
inspecting in that country lunatic asylum miserab
defective in construction and appointment. he aske(
what the special feature i'll the lunacy of a Ger
tain patient He thinks he is in hell sir" was tn
| reply " If thatt his delusion" the rejOindcr "
2 think he has a very substantial basis for it."
f A gentleman travelling train Of cars recent
: said to the conductor: Suppose the brakes shOul
J | give way, where would we go to?" The conducto
remarked that impossible for them to give
!, But the gentleman again asked the same question
when the conductor replied: " 1t is ell owing to wha
G your past life has been."-lOnkers Gazette.
# Preault dined one day with misery painter VIII
gave him to eat soft boiled egg and little vinait
II | rette, washed down with some Sureness of ba
IF year 1--WE will repreat this little debauch" sal
:. his host, folding up his napkin, whenever yo
like" All right" said Preault, garing at his ente
e taner with hungry eyes. suppose we repeat rgl
% nowr'-FFeRch Newspaper.