The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-03-01
NUMBER 20.
PASSING SMILES.
A GREAT tail bearer-The peacock.

GREAT TALL Dearer-lne peacock.
A LEADING article--A halter strap.
lT is a good artist who can draw pay.
A JOINS County (Iowa) man was con-
verted one night, and the next day bet
a man he would stick to his religion for
a year.
Miss ANTHONY defines marriage az
climbing oneself out to one man for
board and Clothes" Well, how much
better is the mans side of the bargains
Toledo Blade.
AN elephant once nearly killed an
Irishman for an insult offered to his
trunk. The act was rash in the extreme;
but it was impossible, the Hibernian
said, to resist a nose you could pull with
both hands.
A PARTISAN told his boarding house
keeper that the coffee had only one great
merit and one great fault; the merit
that il had no chickory in it, and the
fault that there was no coffee in it
Boston Courier.
| IT is not often one sees an Irish bull
in French newspaper, but the other
day the Figaro, which affects extreme
smartness, had beauty in the heading
to its police intelligence. II was this:
"Suicide of two persons; statement Of
the one that survived"
The personal estate of the late Earl
of Dysart, the London recluse, who lived
for so many years in his chambers, never
seeing soul, has been sworn under S.
100000. His solitude was probably due
to fear that he might meet some young
and fashionable widow.
A YOUNG man at Oshkosh was ar
rested the other day for stealing four
pounds and half of sausage from his
employer, but he showed that his en-
ployer had contracted to board him and
that he had eaten the sausage for supper,
and was released.
"WERE there cats in the ark p is
question that is troubling the religious
editor Of an exchage. Certainly there
were, and the first thing they said after
leaving that ancient craft was; "If
there's Ararat round here we want to
gopher it,
AN agricultural paper tells " How to
Dress Hog" We know how to dress
q hog. Give him cane, q stove-pipe
hat and a pair Of eyeglasses. After
that he will try to pass for man. But
pshawl hog will be hog, no matter
how he may be dressed.
A WESTERN paper gives this little
bit of lakewood gossip between parent
and child: "Is the bowling of dog
always followed by a deathp' asked
little girl of her father. Not always,
my dear sometimes the man that shoots
at the dog misses him." was the parents
reply.
MILLION little diamonds
Twinkling on the trees,
And a the little maidens said,
- Jewel II you pleaser'
But while they held their hands outstretchcd
TO catch the diamonds gay,
million little sunbeams came,
And Stole them all away.
50 Joseph 0asete.
OLD lady to taxidermist: you can
see yourself, man, you only stuffed my
poor parrot in the summer, and here's
his feathers tumbling out before your
eyes," Taxidermist: "Lor' bless ye, IN,
that's the triumph of our art. We
stuffs 'em that natural rs they mouths in
their proper son."--Funmy Folks;
THE Rev. Welcome Smith (not the
Indian missionary, who was feeced on
The Erie Road out of fifty.six dollars by
| three-card monte gamblers, was arrested
and fined for gambling after the thieves
had been punished. That is good way
to teach foolish men lesson Utica
| Herald.
MAMMA" said wicked youngster,
cam canoe?" "No, child, why do
you askT' "Oh, because you always
say you like to see people paddle their
own canoe, and didn't know but maybe
was yoursT The boy went out Of the
door with more reference to speed than
grace.
"FELLow-cITIzENs," said local can
didate, there are three topics that now
agitate the State-greenbacks, taxes ard
| the penitentiary / shall pass over the
first two very briefly, as my sentiments
are we'll known, and come to the peni-
Tertiary, where / shall dwell for some
| time"
OBITUARY announcements are some
times curious. In last Fridays London
Times was announced the death of q
gentleman at Islington, who formerly
carried on business in Regent-street,
and who was for many years Principal
Laceman in Ordinary to Her Majesty"
1t is we'll that our distinctions should
not be forgotten.
PERU, at whose capital Senator Chris
tiancy will represent the United States
as Minister, has bonded debt of $780,
900, 900; its guano deposits, the princi-
pal source of its wealth, are mortgaged
to British capitalists for $36,0OO,0O0,
and the government owes 5000, 900 in
| interest Assets-an occasional earth
quake Chicago Journal.
THERE is one terrible revulsion of
feeling in mans life tina 40 eloquence
of pen has the power to describe. 1t is
when he falls prone, or pretty nearly
prone, to the earth, overwhelmed with
confusion and an anti-friction sidewalk,
and then looks around and pours out
his soul in grateful libations to the i'm
mortal gods when he knows that nobody
saw him 60 down.-Buwlington Hda0keye.
THE sun spot theory of Prof. Jevons,
which affirms that commercial crises oc-
cur near the time when sun spots are
fewest in number and least in size, has
been subjected to careful analysis by
the London Times, and found to have
much less support than its author claims.
He gives the following list of decennial
financial panics, querying those OF
which he is uncertain: 1901 (f), I'LL,
l1721, 1912, 1742 (f), 1852 (f), 1868,
| 1772-73, 1888, 1898, 1804-5 y, 1915,
4 1925, 1868 (1S37 in the United
Stares), l847, 1857, 1866, and 1878. The