National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1879-11-22
MISCELLANEOUS.
from the Buffalo Express.
That Dreadful Man.

II is deucol mean in Robert Toombs TO per-
sst IN his hatred of the Union and his dccara-
ton that he is a Rebel still; aud it is still
worse for him 10 project hisscntiments on every
peaceful and happy Gsscmbluge that comes
within reach Of his awful telephone.
Here was the Society of the Army Of the
Tennessee enjoying itself to the utmost extent
in Chicago on Wednesday, aud thinking itself
in harmony with pretty much tho whole world,
whom tho coarse voice Of Robert descended
upon them, something like the wolf on tho
fold, b1wling out number of most unpleasant
remarks aud throwing the gathering into a
CONSERVATION about as bad as that in counec-
ton with the first Bull Run. General Grant
fought and won," said Robert, with entire
truthlulncss; and just as the people were
about TO cheer and be jubilant, lie transixcd
their open mouths with Il sudden epidemic of
lockiaw by exclaiming IN harsh aud ex.
troney melancholy voice, Il fought aud
lostW as IL he were the entire Southern Con-
icderacy and it had arisen from It's last ditch
with the purpose Of shaking mud aud Attic
ton upon the entire continent The result
was great deal of weeping where there
should have been nothing but mirth and good
feeling and the general aud untimoly sorrow
was suddenly changed TO tho most agonizing
fright as the dreadful voice added am
ready TO try it over again Death to the
Union!r
Happily, the society did nothing hastily.
General Grant made an effort to crawl under
the table, but Immediately supplemented bis
too sudden intention by determination to
appeal for help to General Sherman If ncces.
sary. The latter started to 80 through VIM
dow without previously lifting II SASH but was
| held back By General Sheridan, WHO caught
| hold Of his supcriors coat.tails, declaring that
| he (Shcridan) didn't wish to be left alone IN
such an emergency. Scores Of other military
men rushed for the doors but suddenly
LETT. ID
waiting for them with drawn sword on tho
outside. One of the walters dropped plate.
The mayor of Chicago ordered writing mate
rails, with the intention Of preparing a proc
lamaton The Chicago editors clapped their
hands, aud said there was going to be great
news
After profound hush during which every
heart present appeared TO be afflicted with
palpitation, and every cheek assumed the ap.
pearanco of chalk, IL suddenly occurred 10
somebody that Robert was ut home in Georgia
and the crisis could not possibly come off under
several days. This secured peace and some
semblance of order; but IL was plain that the
enjoyment of tho gathering had gone by.
There was wet blanket around there. One
or two persons attempted to laugh, but
achieved only sickly smiles. One military
person inqircd, After all who is afraid p
but the inquiry met with no response. Tho
banquet was failure. Its lights were vrtu.
ally dead. Its liver suggested nothing but in
digestion aud unhappiness.
Now we wish Robert wouldn't do this again
1t is discoupging. 1t is improper. Has the
world no right to Il little fun merely because
he is unhappy Should he be angry merely
because everything isn't just precisely us he
wants ii? What has the Society of the Army
of the Tennessee done that IL should not only
have its APP elite destroyed, but be frightened
to death? We can conceive Of nothing moro
tu in
it is plain that Robert is to live many years
yet, why cannot he consent to be amabe--
to be anything rather than the ogre tho Jack
the-Gian,-killer, the male Witch of Eudor
the horrible thing in general which is making
us all weep ourselves half to death and which
hangs over us like perpetual nghtmarc2
We wish Robert would join the Society for
the Preservation of Peace. We should like to
have him join the church long enough to learn
what it is TO be mcrclul. 1t might be well
for him TO come to New York city and throw
sauce ut Captain Williams. Why can't he
enter u pedestrian match aud try to work of
some of his superhuous spirits and anmosity?
Why doesn't he 20 a.fshing? My wife is
very Sick said the patient agriculturalist.
She has been very sick ever since knew
her. 1t is very costly, aud il keeps mo in u
continual state Of apprehension. | wish she
would get woll-or something" We couldn't
nsisiently invite Robert TO die. IL would
be very rough on the other world to ask him
10 mako II premature sacrifice of that kind.
lie would he very mad about it and would
break things, no matter which of those two
places he went to- But we do wish he would
buy fast horse, or go over Niagara Falls IN
n rubber suit, or cross the ocean ia an exceed
ingly small canoe, or--or something.
-----------as--
DIR. BULLS Cough Syrup has been before the pub
lie for years, and is pronounced by thousands su-
La ii Latin .ttft.