The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1879-01-30
!. SENSE. AND NONSENSE.

MORO for candy-pull-What are
yer givin' us-taffyP
THE prodigals return-Gold comes
to par.-Los0eu Courier.
BRAVE old boys never say die. They
are not afraid of white hairs.
THERE is nothing like shorthand
reporter to take man down.
MARKET REPORTS frequently report
corn as weak. Whisky is always
strong.
ANYBODY can catch cold now. The
trouble is to let 60 again, like the man
who caught the bear.
THERE are some men who are so
very shrewd that they would rather
cheat themselves than not make good
bargain.
FROM age to age cheese has skip
pered on, one of the miteist forces of
the press, winning its wheY.-Neao Ha-
zen Register.
TEA contains fannie acid, which COM
bines with milk and forms leather
and now we know what makes old
maids SO tough.-Puck.
A MAN advertises for "competent
persons to undertake the sale of new
medicine" and adds that cit will be
profitable to the undertaken"
A MAN in this town froze the bottom
of his feet lately, and as he held them
to the stove he remarked. "Two soles
with but single thaw out" White
hall Times.
A COLORED man whu emigrated from
South Gs!olBe t t hib b writes home
sot lard, and roast monkey without lard
IS mighty dry eating.
M. DEHOFFE, of le Pas-de-C Calais,
France, who cut woman into fifteen
pieces, said when the .jsge d instruction
confronted him with the CHASTITY re-
mains: ''That's the woman, but 1 find
her good deal changed"
The alarm felt in some quarters lest
the lawyers should devour the land
and its inhabitants is not very keenly
experienced as to the Delaware Legis-
lature, which has doctor for Speaker
of the House, but meier lawyer in
either chamber. re ~ %
ARCHIE-Auntie, what's a torpedo?
Misunderstanding that blows some
thing up, my love. Archie-Then are
my dear. Why? Archie-Because
Heard uncle telling pa you were always
blowing him up.-J,ldy.
A PROFESSOR in Cornell, lecturing
on the effect of the wind in some west
ern forests, remarked "In travelling
along the road l even sometimes found
the logs bound and twisted together to
such an extent that mule couldn't
climb over them, so Invent round.''
THE tribe of Oldtown Indians, in
Maine, is said to have lost, under the
influences of education, almost all
traces of its native character. A letter
written by one of the Indian girls at
Oldtown, to family in Belfast, is re-
ported to have been conspicuously
good, both in composition and scholar
shin. ,....
A LITTLE girl, visiting a neighbor
with her mother, was gazing curiously
ct the hosts new bonnet, when the
owner queried: "Do you like it, Lau-
rap" The innocent replied: "Why,
mother said it was a perfect fright;
but it don't scare me-" Laura's moth
er didn't stay long after that.-Norris-
toUas Herald.
CRY BELLE (meeting country aunt)
-"Oh, Pm SO glad to see you! Come
and see US next week, do, for I'm going
to have a German ON Thursday. Aunt
with severity)--"Not I, child;'
don't want to see any one of the fami-
ly that's going to make a fool of her
self by marrying'.a foreigner" -Bosto,s
Commercial Bulletin.
els THE water all froze up?'' asked
Aunt Dorothy of Jeems, who was try
ing to break the water in the water
cask the other morning. "No, aunty,
l should say it was froze down." and
he turned his Ratchet so it sent show
er of fine ice in the old lady's face.
"That's an impudent trick,' said she.
"Oh, nor' said the youngster, +" it's an
ice response. Lynn Reporter.
THERE is nothing like strong COM
mon sense. An Irish soldier went to
his station with the order to report
anything remarkable that happened
during the night. A drunken fellow
fell from the wall and broke his neck
and no report was made. When ques-
toned about it, Pat replied: 4" Faith,
and obeyed orders. If the man had
fallen off the wall and not broken bis
neck I should certainly have reported
it."
"a CURIOUS BUT MELANCHOLY Az
FAIR" is the St. Louis Globe Democrat s
heading over a story of farmer who
put his gun-barrel (he did not know it
was loaded) into forge to heat off the
rust, and vigorously piled the bellows
while standing just opposite the muzzle.
This is something like the title devised
by Montreal reporter when an iron
shutter was blown off the upper story
of q house and descended cornerwise
on the head of a Pedestrian Fatal
but Unpleasant Accident.
The same thing is different thing
under different circumstances. If you
begin with the Irishman, who has hod
road to travel, it is called "pay;" on
the next step higher, it is regarded as
wages" higher still, we have we'll
dressed clerks who receive salaries"
above them are gentlemen who own
large property and who enjoy an inn
mense .income'' or "revenue." The
word becomes more dignifed and awe
inspiring as the bank account in
creases. When you get down to the
uncertain dollars of the burglar it is
called "swag."
Speaking Mutes.
A SCHOOL of deaf children is in it
self curious and affecting sight. The
noises-for noise is not absent-are not
toned down by any sense of necessary
precaution. Harsh little cries take the
place of the pretty whisperings Of
childhood, and the excess of meaning
in their looks is sadly contrasted with
the want of meaning in those broken
sounds which come from their little
<hrooto lilo tho ov.ioo IF AoGn1in nre