The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-06-10
HUMOROUS.

SHE Told His FORTUNE" This is
Il station, is it?' he asked, rs they
opened the door of cell No. 5. and waved
him in.
eyes,"
"Thcn Pm the same as in jail, am
~"
L" You arc."
"All right! This is the last gol-
darned time '1l believe anybody under
oath SO go ahead with your old Bas-
tile business"
He was u young man Of 81, wearing
his over-alls IN his boot-lcgs, and before
coming to town had broken off twig
from peach tree and placed the bios
SONS behind his hat band and over his
left car.
Hast thou been deceived ?" in
quircd our reporter, rs the officer got
through locking the cell door.
Hast II Well, you'd better bet
hast Pm regular eight rail fence
blown flat by a tornadol Pm going to
commit suicide when Pm out O. this,
am ~
a chew Of tobacco and few kind
words opened his heart, and he ex-
planned:
- You see, lost my dog in town the
other day, and came in this morning
to find him. Dad, the tlarned old bass
wood, told me to call on II fortune-tcl-
Ter and find out who stole Tigc, and
was tool enough to do 1t! called on
woman back up here about mile, gin
her two dollars, and says |, Where's
Tige? He's up here in Il Dutrhman's
yard says she. Did he steal him? says
!. lie did, Says she. Then III bust
his head, says |. You will marry rich,
have lots of happiness, live to be Il
hundred years old, and go to heaven
when you die, says she, and she,
and she stopped rolling her eyes and
hawkcd on to them two dollars like Il
turkey on 'tater-bug."
And you found Tigc?"
"iou hold on! found the Dutch
man s, and says |, Where's my dog?
don't know, says he. You're Il liar,
and pother, and he had just flung me
out doors when the constable came
along and nailed mc.'
"Wcll ?'
[ Well, Pm in nice fix, | am Tigc
gene, two dollars gone, me In the Jug
and dad planting corn with blind eye
and Il lame back! We're nice family,
take us all together, and you just go
out and bet ten to one we are! No,
you can't help me any, less you want
to leave me Il lead pencil. feel like
composing poem on Il fool. and I'll
write it on the wall here. Good. bye,
Mstcr-como back in an hour and I'M
have Il poem done aud be in my grave,
mcbhc, for | can't bear up under
nOrc'H a wagon load Of woe"
| CHEAP Enough. - Coming out of
Brady street Dctroiter cspieu Il man
driving wagon loaded with sods, cut
in the country. The driver humbly
| 1,n Il
the sort, and the latter inquired the
price.
"I1l lay 'em for seven cents yard
or sell 'cm for penny apiece" was the
reply.
"OnIy a cent apiece for sods as big
as those 20
"Only Il cent, sir.'
"Well, you come right down here
and dump me Off twenty-five in q
hurry. My wife has been teasing me
for the last week to buy her fuchsa,
but when can get twenty-five sods for
twenty-five cents | don't believe Pm
fool enough TO pay forty cents for one
little posy in IL little two cent pot!"
ELDER sister TO little one, who
appears to take great interest in Mr..
SkiDbens): Come little pet, it is time
your eyes were shut in sleep" Little
pet: Z" think not. Mother told me
10 keep NY eyes open when You and
Mr.. Skibbcns were togethcr.'
liz ENTERED the grocery store, said
not Il word, but allowed his cane to
swing to and fro exactly as the pcndu-
lum Of a clock. The grocer only said.
ono, we sell nothing on tick" and the
man with the cane passed sadly and
silently out.
~ LARGE eye is said to indicate capac-
ity. A black eye indicates that the
posscssor was Il poor Judge OF muscle
when he told man he lied.
a ROY with his elbows out was
asked the cause and replied, laughed
in my sleeves till burst thcm.'
y CLEAR conscience cannot be quick
cncd.
DRIED apples are used as dessert at
}all swell parties.
SUPERIOR government-In tho nun
merry.