The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1879-02-21

tina sWan.' says abe. sIwish you
would, and I'll jest run oyer and carry
Wilder epinney bowl O. my JILL
sAs don't hsv NO appetite, md Il may
give hria start So sot on tie kittie
-'twss ono o. them hg-round, shallsr
onss-and got . hall pan Of cakes
made ready to fry, when / happened TO
look out and I saw Jonas's shadder
turnin' thu corner Of the house, md says
I to myself, NV, I haint goin, to
fry mp . lot o. doughnuts this hot day
for that TELLER to gobble down-no such
. thing So / grabbed on the kittae OF
bilin' 1at md Get Il down on an old stool
ken to set the stove leds on when l
WAS cookin', md I'd Jest clapped news
paper over the top as Jonas opened the
door. Good mornin',' says I, quite
cheerful like-I allus was blessed with
cheerful disposition BY Mater Won't
you take cheer3' says l. mo, thank
ye,' says he, can't stop. I was jest
agoin' by en- I thought I'd drop in .
minnit and zee how your folks all was. >"
"Did he propose. Aunt Patiencee"
asked irrepressible Bessie.
"He 'peared dreadful frustrated, :"
continued Aunt Patience, mot needing the
interruption except BY Q severe look At
Bessie, !" md I knew in q minute he'd
got somethin' on his mind, 50 KEEP
a-talkin' and he KEEP fidgitin' round,
til after awhile he broke out sort of
discouraged like, says he:-
"Patience, you hain't no idee how
lonesome it's over to our house with no
wimen folks round to talk TO-; seems
like livin' in o tomb
"Hain't your Aunt Marandy a-keep-
in house for you?' says l.
"Yes,' says he, 'but she's 80 pesky
croas . Teller can't take no comfort with
her. Besides she dunno how to make
doIgnnuts-she can't make no dough-
nuts that wouldn't sour on pigs stOm-
ach. There amt nobody that ken come
up nigh to you,' says he, sa-makin'
them delicious compounds. They make
my mouth water every time l think OF
'em. Won't you come over and make
doughnuts for ma? You hain't no idee
how much I set by ye, Patience;' and
Jest Is he said that, he edged along and
sot down square into that kettle of bilin'
fat!
"There hain't no pen that could de-
scribe the look of despair and NORTH.
cation that came over his countenance
as he popped up agin! It's come across
me, time and again, at funerals and sich
like solemn places, and I've he'd to stuff
my handkerchief in my mouth, and put
my head down ON the seat in front and
shake all over to keep in from laughing
right out. I've allus hoped mourners
would think was . cryin'; but dunno
/ couldn't helped it if it he'd saved me
from the gallus, any morn l could al
the time ont.
"I laughed til there want no more
strength in me, then there is in skin
milk. laughed til I cried; the tears
was just streamin' down my face; md
all the time he was tearing round the
kitchen md cuttin' up more antics thar
you ever see clown do at circus. AT
ter all, couldn't help pityin' him
allus was tender hearted-'nd besides
kinder blamed myself for gettin' tb,
poor creeter into such fix. So as soor
as 1 could get myself together md gi
strength enough, says to him. says 'fel
goodness sake, Jonas Pettybone! tn
neighbors will think I'm murderin
you. Ef you'll hush up and 60 hom'
4 peaceably, and not make no more fuss
dunno, mebbe, I may in time be per
suaded to marry ye. Mind don't So,
sartin', says I, 'but I'll think about it.
"You ought to see what an effect i
he'd on the Teller! He stopped hi
prancin' in minute, md quoted dow
as meek as a lamb, md he even tried h
smile, as he clapped on his hat mi
sneaked out the door without anothe
word. Pretty quick ma came in, M
says she to me:
"What on arth is the matter, Pa
tience? You look as if you'd bel
through o coffee-mill!' Says I to her
sthats jest the way I feel Then
told her about Jonas. but instid of goin
inter convulsions of laughter as I ex
pected, she sot down with sigh, an
says she, Well, tbs pity, that's fact
but you no need to cry your eyes ont
faint q dead loss, we ken use it fur soap
grease
"sOh!' says I, Il hain't agoin' t
waste all tibet fat ken tell We, I'm jes
agoin' to fry them doughnuts in it; tn
men folks won't never know no differ
ence!'"
"Were they good?" asked Bess, Wi:
the tears running down her cheeks.
"Goodp never made no SIGH dough
nuts in all my born days, before o
sense. They was light as feather, an
men folks praised 'em up, md said
was the beateree fur maxim doughnut
} of any body they ever see.'
"Yis, they was prime doughnuts, n
,, no mistake, but didn't cat any"
$50 you concluded to marry him, di
your" asked Bessie.
"Yis, I he'd to-" answered Aunt Pa
tience, with sigh, "J0nas said If
didn't, he'd sue me for damages. So
! tell yer, child, gettin' married is all
humbug."
And having freed her mind, Aunt Pa
thence rolled up her knitting, and betool
herself to bed.-Springfeld Mass RI
II PUBLICAN.
Freaks Of the Bushcl Measure.
The Pharmaceutical journal give
some curious information respectin
the variable results obtainable in th
measurement Of dry goods. The Weight
and Measures act Of England passed las
session expressly prohibits "heape
measures" and requires that the meas
ure shall be filed as nearly level as tn
size and shape of the articles will pei
; init. This led to some experiments q
to the results following different mode
!. Of ssstriking" . measure, that is, 9
] hrinnina fhQ laHel 0f the c0nf0nta of th