The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1879-01-23

ii spurns TINT height and far along
Seeks in the heavens its splendid mark,
And we fall backward on the dark
EVERYDAY SPICERlES.
TRYING to chew caramels with false
teeth ranks with trying to unite shoe
string with mittens on your hands, or
to do business without advertising.
Adams Advertiser.
"THERE is nothing impossible" ex-
claimed man who was discussing
Edison's achievements. That man, to
find out how egregiously he is mistaken,
has only to attempt to cut his own hair.
Toledo Commercial.
If you read the. papers closely you
will discover that those cities which
have the least money for charity are
contributing the most for next years
base ball elubs.-Dctroh Free Press.
CINCINNATI brags over the produc-
ton of the " Messiah" but the Messiah
never had much to say about Cincin-
nati.-Boston Post. 1t keeps the Mes
siah busy watching Boston, we suppose.
MY son, wouldst have notoriety2
Publish thou an almanack. Wouldst
have great knowledge? Learn what
others forget. Wouldst have WEALTH.
Either become an undertaken, a plumber
or an Indian agent.-Neso York Graphic.
"MY Lord" said fellow condemned,
many years ago, to be executed for
sheep stealing, q all ask is that ! shall
not be hanged on Friday" "WhyP'
asked the Judge, in surprise. Because
it is always counted mighty unlucky
day"
at AM convinced that the world is
daily growing BETTER" remarked rev.
erend Aberdeen gentleman to brother
minister; "my congregation is cont,nu,
ally increasing" Curious, replied
the other, who happened to be penn
tentiary chaplain, for SO is mine"
TIE plumber came down like wolf on the fold,
His pockets were laden with solder and god,
And for four mortal hours he made love 70 the
And seventeen dollars were charged up In his
box. -Wheehng Leader,
YESTERDAY an Eighteenth Ward
Young man asked his landlady what
kind of bed the new one in his room
was. ga spring bed, j" she replied. The
youth felt the crop Of December wheat
under his chin as he said; 'Well, wish
you would put more clothing on that
bed and make it a winter instead OF
spring one."-N. Y. Star.
CoNcnIT is Just as natural to human
minds as a center is to circle. 1t is
like the natural unguent of the sea-
fowls plumage, which enables him to
shed the rain that falls on him, and the
wave in which he dips. When one has
had all the conceit taken out OF him,
when he has lost all his illusions, his
feathers will soon soak through, and he
viii fly no more.
EDIsoN's discoveries in science are OF
vast importance, but they dwindle into
insigniGcance when compared with the
discovery Just made by the editor of the
Syracuse Times. He says: Tie your
ears in a bow knot under your chin, and
they will be kept from the frost. !" Who
but a Syracuse editor would have
thought of making such an experiment.
-Noracich Herald.
Scene: London Book Shop. Booksel-
ler-" What sort of books do you want,
sirg' Baggs (of Wisconsin, o, such
books as gentleman generally has,.
Bookseller" And how many r gaggs-
"Wal, my library is twelve by fifteen,
and want it full" Bookseller" Will
YOU have them bound in Russia or Mo-
rocco? Baggs-" o, don't send so farl
Have them bound in London. ."-Har-
GARD Lampoon.
SCoRN not the amateur poet, grim and
grizzled occupant of the sanctum. Do
not chill his aspirations with cold con-
tumely. Do not blight his gentle, con-
fiding nature with whitening sarcasms.
We once knew tuneful bard whose
spirit was thus crushed, and the sweet
milk of his soul turned to gall, and he
went off and burned all his harmless
poems and commenced to write articles
on the benefits of protective tariff,
which have carried poignant anguish
into innumerable households, and made
strong men weep bitter tears of agony.
Deal gently, then, with the poet.-Boston
Traveller.
AN advertisement. in an exchange says
large gray gentleman's" shawl has
been lost. That's singular. Now, if it
had been large gentleman gray shawl,
or a gray gentleman's large shawl, or q
gray large gentleman's shawl, or gen.
tleman's large gray shawl, it would, Of
course, have been different; but the thiet
who would steal shawl from large
gray gentleman deserves tohave his hair
turn gray in one night, and ought to be
made to wear a gray striped suit the bal
ance of his days.-Ronae Sentinel.