Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1879-12-26
Ihnt wns ND last IN nNlr Nu,sA.

Ana That was me last OF poor tusst.
Felicia was gliding down fremont
street in Boston the other afternoon, with
a Derby hat on and her hands in the peck
cts of her long ulster, when small boy
ran up and said, Say, Miss, if yer had a
cigar now, you'd be all right, wouldn't
you q
a poet is to be hanged in England y
Is this boosted land of freedom and in
telligence-this land flowing with-with
well, with a great many things-going
to sit supinely ON her hind legs and see
England, her rival, making rapid strides
toward perfect civilization without max
ing an effort to surpass her? Let us
hang two poets. -NOrriStOtrH W,r0id.
Hard times in Berlin have led to dog
stealing and dog-eating by the hungry
poor. Plump terriers have mysteriously
disappeared in considerable numbers.
The fate reserved Tor these domestic pets
was unsupported by the general public
until distressing incident, which hap
pened to Prince Henry MIL of Reuss,
revealed the CHASTITY truth His hiGhness
had lost poodle of extraordinary talent,
which, alas ! was as portly of body as it
was intelligent in mind. He offered n
handsome reward to any one who would
restore his favorite, and no questions
asked" but i'll vain. Day after day pass
ed away i'll sorrow, unbroken by any
hopeful tidings. until one fatal morning
the prince received postal card, unsign-
ed, but bearing the following heartless
inscription Serenity The poodle
sends his respects, and begs to inform
your highness that he has been eaten"
"The early vermifuge catches the
worm.
A smile on the face Is worth two in Il
tumbler. Sgn20g Times.
A deaf mute used the new audiphone
Can You pay me that five dollars -
these were the first words he heard. Il
prefer to remain i'll my original condi-
ton, he said stenlv, and threw the audi
phone Out of the window. BuGaiO E.r-
press.
The time to STRAY. "-Parson Seat
ed alone in the evening of life, your
thoughts, my friend, must oftentimes
wander to many subjects" Aged Rus
tie Yes, they does, sir, mostly IL
Sundays. when You be approaching -
Fim.
1t is said that two Presbyterian, two
Baptists, two Cnivcrsalists and IN active
Jew recently met and conversed on theol-
ogy together without quarrelling i'll Bos-
ton. The reason they did not quarrel in
Boston WAS because they were i'll New
York.
There is nothing 50 charming rs The IN
norcnce of children. "MaGInu, said II
fivc-ycar old the other day, II wish Won
wouldn't leave me to take care Of baby
again He WAS so bad had To eat all
the sponge cake and two jars Of raspbcr-
~ Jam 10 amuse him.
Nobody but Louisville man can choke
himself to death with II handkerchief
Free Press. Nonsense Cleopatra killed
herself with wiper ihiid70iDhia
BHN,fiiL
"How far, asks an exchange, will
conundrum is unknown to MS, but it Is II
well-known fact that bee will Z" miles
out Of its way for the purpose of singing
II barefootcd boy on the heel -No,Fis-
turn Utrdd
sympathy is valuable when il Is AIDE
quatr to the occasion A poor tenant
went Ia his landlord un rent day nnd told
him that one of his best cows had been
chokcI to death She tried Ia swallow II
turnip, hut the obstinate vegetable
stuck fust and tho COW died. The inter
ested landlord demanded the details and
wanted to know whether the tenant WIS
sure that 1t WAS turmp that killed her.
yes, was the reply, I'VE cut her open
and found it fast in her throat. well,
sir, sad the landlord, II mn glal You
got your turnip back. Now, how about
the rent ?"
Maltby and Rogers were both very al
sent minded. When they Were nj the
Louvre Rogers was interrupted 10y lady,
and when he overlook hls friend lac sad {:
THAT WINS Mrs. Blank; We have not
met for So long II time that she had al
most forgotten me, and asked II my name
was Rogers. Maltby, who had listened
to the recital III very abstractcd sort OF
way, looked quietly into the fac OF the
speaker, and sud, and WIS it ~
Some females have Just been arrested
in Kentucky for the manufacture of
illicit whiskcv. Thais the ilfsi recorded
instanceo Of woman keeping still.
The Prophets A divinity student cleo
triiicd his examiner recently by his hnl-
limit reply to the question; How many
and who were the minor prophets ?
There were twelve was the answer,
"and they were so called because their
prophecies were all written before they
attained their majority.