The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1879-10-03
FRIENDSHIP IN THE FAMILY.

1
are found in the family, friendship, as we
commonly understand it, is not often among
them They are strong ties of mutual inter.
est and affection, based partly upon natural
and instructive feelings, partly on the habit
of close and constant intercourse and partly
on the duties, responsibilities and dependen-
cies which these relations involve. But
when we look for friendship, either in its
poetry and romance its thrilling intercourse,
or its sympathy of purpose and endeavor, il
is usually outside not within the circle of
near kindred.
Many reasons may be alleged for this, the
most cogent of which is probably the blunt
ing influence of co ontinual familiarity. Liy-
| ing always together, the members of one
family are kept to become monotonous and
uniuteresting to one another. Having had
such abundant opportunity, they fancy they
have entirely fathomed each other and that
there is nothing more to find out. There is
no longer the attraction of curiosity or the
stimulus Of variety. They are not vividly
impressed nor do they feel able to impress
in their turn. SO there comes to be tame
ness and insipidity about home life which is
supposed to be inherent in it. The feeling
of the uselessness of effort deadens effort, and
a lukewarm spirit of calm goodwill is all
that is even aimed at. That this is the case
in numerous families may be proved by the
change which they experience on the arri.
val of any valued guest New life and en-.
ergy seem to enter with him. pervsde the
hitherto listless household each one feels
a new pleasure and an unwonted desire to
please, which are equally exhilarating but
after his departure, they gradually sink back
into the old apathetic routine. OF course
the eager heart of youth especially cannot
be satisfied with this : it must put out its
tendrs and cling to something; it Graves
animated intercourse, warm sympathy, earn
est purposes, strong emotions and finds them
in outside friendships.
Now, while such attachments are not to
be indiscriminately discouraged, bringing
own special advantages and pleasures, it is
to be sincerely deplored that friendship in
side the home are so exceedingly rare, and
that the young are so generally growing up
in the idea that they are impossible. There
are, of course, many honorable exceptions
to this, where not only husband and wife
have been lifelong and devoted friends, but
also parents and children, brothers and sis
ers. Yet the careful preservation of these
instances, and the extreme respect accorded
to them, proves their comparative rarity
Probably each of us can recall a few such
cases, which stand out in bold relief against
the multitudes Of households who consider
themselves highly blessed if they only sue
ceed in avoiding contention and preserving
tolerable civility among one another.
Yet it would seem as if nearly all the ma
terials for earnest and steadfast friendship
m light be found within a circle already join
ed by bonds of instructive affection and mu
tual interest. There is sufficient similarity
of taste, purpose and position, to win sym
pathy and there is sufficient variety of age
sex aud circumstances, to prevent monotony
There is every opportunity for elevating a
natural fondness into loftier affection, TO
developing the germs of respect and love in
TO the rich and full growth of noble friend
ship. All the more delicate relations O
sex are fulfilled in their utmost purity b.
the friendship of mother and son, father an
, daughter, brother and sister. Why the
, should years spent under the same roof 5
often separate and scatter the affections {
childhood, instead Of cementng an
strengthening them into the rich and stead
q fast friendships of maturer life?
Probably the chief cause of this is this
people rely on the instinctiveness of naturs
. affection as being all-sufficient, without e.
fort. They imagine that family love
strong enough to take care of itself, 80 the
i take but little pains to preserve it from tn
shocks and jars of daily life. And they a
y, , so suppose that they are so well known
u each other that it is not worth while to pr
sent their fairer side. In all this they al
u mistaken. Natural affection offers fir
foundation on which to erect the edifice of
- firm and enduring friendship, but it will n
- rise up of itself. We must build it, stone /
: stone, if we would possess it. If we have
valued and respected friend, what pains v
take to cherish his friendship how careful
ly we endeavor to prune away from ourselv
y. that which would displease him and Gull
~ vate those qualities which he admires he
y we strive to CRAFTY him by pleasant surp
- ses and TO avoid all that could wound
- trouble him Yet, let the familiar hou
=, - door shut us in, and how many of us ta
- the same pains Here we throw off restrain
" lousy hidden, and allow our better quait
that have been in full exercise, to fall aslet
How many of us anxiously make the mt
-, and best of ourselves to our own familie
" How many of us regard the home as t
W arena Tor giving, not getting pleasure,
= spreading, not absorbing comfort? 1t is
simple working of natural and inevita
~ law that which we SOW we shall sur
=; reap. If we cultivate home friendships W
o the same assiduity that we give to those o
' side they will yield Us even richer and fl
w er returns. There is no friendship so p
~ ~ and beautiful in its nature, 50 rich and
' in its power of blessing, or so singuls
80 rare in its occurrence, as that between ?
~! ents and their grown up sons and dsught
~ Where the parental and flial instincts
. supplemented by that higher and more 81
y" itual affection that binds together mind
W" intellectual communion, and souls in he.
ga felt sympathy, few deeper or more deli,
~ ~ fll friendships can be imagined. The q
'D I dian. and dependent gradually lose tn
~, ,nD selves in the dear companion and true fri
~ ~, of later lite and youth becomes wiser
w age brighter, aud both nobler and hapE
~ in thiI loving and abiding union. If,
,N ever, we would enjoy any of the prec
~; friendships of home, we must preserve
l0 delicacy and freshness of each family
ton; we must cultivate hose quail
''s which endear us to one another we
have faith in the power of love, and re