Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-08-21
L4UGHABLE.
The mans an ignoramuS,
Or, lower yet, a scamp,
Who writes for information


Who writes FOR information
And sends no postage stamp.
Smith, the tallow chandler, says life
at the summer resorts isn't worth Its
scandal.-BostOn Transcript.
No Hottentot is permitted to marry
more than eight sisters out of one fam
lily. This is right. Somebody else
might want a chance. = PHILADELPHIA
Chronicle.
A little girl years old, seeing the
moon one evening just as light cloud
was passing over it, said: ooh, papa,
| guess the moon is crying; see, it has
just wiped its eyes with its handker-
chief"
A newspaper article speaks of " coax
ing man into a fortune" Probably
the lnducement held out were 25-cent
chances to draw a pm cushion at
church fair.-Turner's Falls Reporter.
Paul Boyton's brile, if she takes an
ocean into her head, besides wanting a
watered silk dress. should have high
tide shoes, and water waves In her hair,
and be thankful she hasn't creek in
her back.
A recent picnic was turned into
hollow mOckery by every fellow remem-
boring to bring a corkscrew and depend
ing on somebody else to furnish the
bottie.-Des Moines Register.
Solomons wisdom was never more
apparent than when he warned not to
lose sight of the rod. Misplaced
switches have wrought great evil to the
race in these latter davs.-PhiIddeIphia
Times.
A certain young lady who was little
behindhand in her summer outfit, sur
prised her parents the other day by
asking why she was unlike George
Washington. When they gave it up,
she told them because she had no little
hat-yet.
One woman in fishing party will do
more to scare away all the fish than
ten packs of firecrackers. Besides that,
no man wants to put the neck of a bottle
IN his mouth when women are around
to misjudge his motives.-Detroit Free
Press.
The base ball ever is raging in Rhode
Island. The only difficulty in playing
the game there is that the center and
right fielders have to stand in Massa-
chusetts, and the left in Connecticut,
while the catcher is in constant danger
of backing off into the Atlantic Ocean.
Boston Commercial Bulttin.
The young man from the city now
goes hunting in the woods and loses
his way In this dilemma he deter
mines to trust to the instincts Of his
dog, and follows the sagacious animal
at a mad pace through underground
and across gulches, and finally up at
a woodchuck's hole in the heart Of the
forest, and as much lost as ever.
A teacher, endeavoring to famiiarize
little girl with the various countries
of the Western Hemisphere, with little
evidence of success, finally asked: "If
I were to bore hole through the
earth, and you were to go through at
this end, where would you come out?"
"Come outf replied the child, "why,
I'd come out of the hole, miss!"
State Assessor Briggs says that if the
board of which he is member were
permitted to tax humbugs, enough
money could be raised in one year to
wipe out all the state, county, city and
village debts, refund all the money con-
tributed to build the Midland railroad,
and give to every man, woman and
child In the state a bull pup, q veloci-
pede, and a silver-plated assegai.-
albany Journal
Don't ever whip your baby boy.
Till he's old enough to spank.
Don't force him to the treadmin work,
Till he can tUln the crank.
Don't attempt to air yoar knowledge
Till you're old enough to know,
That potatoes don't amount to much,
Iill thew, We had time ornM