The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-07-16
THE GREENBACK PRESS.
How the Financial and Melancholy Edi-
tors Work up the Booms.

1t was the day before publication and it had
been hard week for Groenbackers. The !
weather had been excellent for the growing |
crops and no Republican victories had been
reported One or two suicides had occurred, of
women on account of disappointment in love,
and several boys had been drowned while
bathing. The imagination of a Greenback ed
itor was not equal, however, to the task Of
showing that any of these casualties had re-
suited from John Sherman's resumption pol
icy, and so large part of the paper was still
untitled, for news is not printed in Green
back paper unless it in some way illustrated
the disastrous effect of resumption The edi-
tors were therefore in quandary. The COM
positors were shouting for copy and the hour
was swiftly approaching when the forms must
be committed to the press,
The Financial Editor sat with volume of
"Shuckers on Finance" open before him, but
Shuckers had already been exhausted and
was unable to help the f. E. out of his diff
Guilty. The Melancholy Editor, the chap who
writes up failures, potato bugs, destructive
hurricanes, suicides from poverty and the like
calamities, and shows how they are all attri-
butable to John Sherman, the hyena, was as
badly nonplussed as the F. E. They sat there
twirling their pencils, evidently in deep
thought. Finally the Financial Editor shut
to the book before him with slam, exclaim-
ing as he did SO; ON Shuckers." This
aroused the M. E., who had been reading a
story of the suicide of Chinaman in San
Francisco on account of not having money
enought to get back to China, and was alter
ing it slightly SO as to make it read that
former citizen of Maine had committed sui
eide in San Francisco because he didn't have
money enough to get back to his native state
and had left note saying that he attributed
his misfortupes to resumption.
The ME-. catching the vexation of the F.
E.. remarked in similar tones that it was too
bad that there weren't any Greenbackers in
Maine who loved their party well enough to
shoot themselves. SIT Clear" retorted the
f. E. with an air of great determination,
"that something's got to be done. 1t won't do
| to let the paper come out without abundance
| of evidence that the country is going to the
| dogs" At this the f. E. Immediately wrote
as follows:
'sThe public debt statement for the last
month shows that the debt has increased
$500 100000
He threw the slip over to the NJ. e. as en-
enlargement to go and do likewise. That in
dividual winked and resolved to go the F. E.
one better So he wrote as follows and in
structed the compositor to set in very large
and heavy letters:
REPUBLICAN VICTORY.
A few days since the sheriff attached tn e
cook stove of Mr.. Smith in a neighboring town
just before dinner and removed it and the din
ner from the house. When Mr.. Smith came
in he found no dinner and in his despair
shot himself on the spot. Mrs. Smith was so
| grief stricken at the fate of her spouse that
| she followed Mr.. Smiths example. -Four
children are left orphans. Smith had been
ground down to the dust by the tax on tobacco
| and whiskey to maintain John Sherman's re-
| sumption scheme.
'Two holes in the paper filed remarked the
F. E., as he read this production of his asso-
ciate "There are lots more to fill yet But
here goes:''
AS an evidence of the way in which the
banks prosecute the poor man this story about
ourselves may be told. The other day. want
| ing hundred dollars, we stepped into one Of
these arstrocratic institutions and told the
| cashier what we were in need of. He abso-
| lutey refused to accommodate us. In fact, he
were standing there a rich old nabob came in
and asked for thousand dollars and he got it.
''That's good" said the NJ. E.. "uow what
do you think Of ths?'
Seeing lying statements in the hard money
press about the revival of business the Mel
ancholy Editor OF this paper interviewed some
of our most enterprising business men yester-
day, and the feeling they expressed was one of
abiect dispair. Said prominent peanut ven
der, 'The people amt eating peanuts as they
used to- When money was plenty people all
ate peanuts. Since resumption only Roths-
childs and gold bugs eat peanuts The COM
mon people don't enjoy the luxury of peanuts
any longer" Said prominent charcoal ven.
der, During the war could make 50 a day
and six drinks of whiskey, butnow my revenue
is cut down to ST and one drink, and whiskey
tumblers amt bit larger than during the
war;"
"First rate" said the F. E. ''By the way
I've been thinking that as financial editor
ought to reply to the lie of the hard money
press about Candidate Smiths wealth. Some
thing like this, which is Gods truth, would be
about the thing
The stories circulated by the hard money
papers that Joseph l.. Smith is worth 0,00(
is dastardly falsehood. We know whereof
and asked that gentleman to lend us quarter
He replied that he didn't have such thing
He was strapped, dead broke and entirely GU
of wealth. Mr.. Smith had no reason to falsfy
for our financial standing is well known.
Something should be said to stir up the
farmers" remarked the M. E. ga little story
like this will be good 1t is best to tell it will
great minuteness Of detail, for the people viii
believe it quicker"
In 1861 Mr.. j. A. Brown, who is
well known farmer in c., and has been sci
ectman in his town and for many years deacon
of the Orthodox church there, had brindl'
heifer which he purchased of Mr. G. A. Jone
of S., who was also a prominent man in thu
latter town. The heifer cost Mr.. Brown $50
The other day Mr.. Brown was compelled t.
sell her and could only get $30-a shrinkage O
grown into a full sized COW and had acquired
value as a curiosity on account of her grea
age.
Gone more paragraph" said the F. E., ''an'
/ am DONE John Sherman is coming to thi
State soon and he needs to be shown up. Wei
I, put the following at the head of our columns
: Since Benedict Arnold no man has appeared
on the American continent to be compared il
} wickedness to John Sherman. The depth o
infamy in which the name of the revolutionar
traitor is buried is shallow compared with tina
in which the name of the Resumption Robbie
should be sunk Like q beast of prey h
gloats over the agony and writing of his ten
) of thousands of victims, and ticks his jaw
mostered with the hearts blood of dispairin
men and women. The fiends of the Frenc
revolution were angels of mercy in comparso
with this creature of the banks and the gol
. bugs.
AT this point the foreman informed the tw
editors that the paper was full, whereupon tn
M. E. Immediately stopped work on para
graph in which he was illustrating the evils of
gold currency nv the case of n child which ha
r just died from gold dollar that got stuck i
g its windpipe. This melancholy story was II
served therefore for the next issue.
| Excursions.
The Irish American Relief Association wi
have good time on their excursion today.
: Tickets for the excursion to Burlington al
now ready and may be obtained Of the FOLLOW