Connecticut western news., 1879-11-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

A pretty girl mas u fiSnS Vo 0"A0 arms.
 The route to the coal-bin is bod road to travel.
 The traveller on the road to ruin needs no guide-post.
 One of the uses of adversity-Helps to fill up the dictionary.
 -Probabilities--Cold in the head, with rheumatic tendencies.
 The dentist, like the farmer, may reckon his profits per acre.,
 The Boston Courier says it's sneezy thing to take snuff.
 -" Train wrecker l" she hissed as he trod on the tail of her Worth.
 A good deed-One conveying you $50, 1000 worth of real estate.
 Uneasy lies the man who has already been caught at it once or twice.
 Claim jumping is the regular thing at Leadville. Out of sight out of mine. Memphis reioices in business boom. Broom is what she needs as much.
 An Indiana medical student wears e pair of shoes made of human skin. "To what base shoeses may we come at last."
 It is Q current bard who sings, "I sat alone with ny conscience. Two to one he never had less fun ln all his born days.
 -Vttles and clos, vittles and clos,
 The older we gifts the better we knows
 That all we can git is vittles aud clos,
 Vittles and clos.
 The editor of the Cincinnati Er- Quirer politely declines ride in balloon "untiI Lake Michigan is roofed over."
 -"I rise for information" said q member of legislative body. "I am very glad to hear it" said bystander, "no man wants it more."
 A young man who sneers at girls false teeth hasn't 0 we'll balanced head. Let him marry girl who has toothache and he will see where he was lame.
 A young man in Nebraska sent an offer of marriage to girl whom he fancied, and in reply received tele- gram "Come on with your minister" Magistrate "Your profession ?' Elegant Man |" Artist in hair" Mag istrate Express yourself more clear ly-barber or brush maker ?"-[ Punch. --" We'll want three galleys for the next in-
 side,
 So Cetawayo, set ]" he cried; But a well-aimed mallet struck his breast, And the fiendish punster is now at rest.
 -"Single man, sir ?" asked the law yer as the witness took his place. "Yes, sir" was the reply. Lawyer: "Wlfe livlng?' Confusion and rapid explana- tions.
 -One by one thy duties wait thee; let thy whole strength go to each let no future dreams elate thee; learn thou first what these can teach.-[A Adelaide Proctor.
 The difference between hunter and burglar is very obvious: for in- stance, while one often sees the buck shot the other feels it. Hackensack Republican.
 Lady to married friend, who has been telling her all about their travels: "Well, my dear, what struck you most during your trip? Married friend "My husband p
 -"Sympathize with me /" exclaimed merchant who had failed. "Rsgret n,y embarrassment You'd better sympathize with my creditors, and mourn over theSr embarrassment"
 A young lady who didn't admire the custom in vogue among her sisters of writing letter and then cross-writing 1t to illegibility, said she would prefer her epistles without an overskirt."
 -" Conductor, why did you not wake me as I asked you? Hero am miles beyond my ststion." Conductor-"I did try, sir, but all I could get out of you was, 'All right, Maria get the children their breakfast, and I'll be down in minute."
 -"When a grocor," says the Detroit Free Press, |" is trying to live so as to meet his first wife in the land beyond the skies, he won't shake peck measure as he fills it with beans. If he is living simply to keep his second wife in good clothes, he'll talk and shake and rattle off more than pint."
 They were out driving. Said Theo- dore "What tree, Angelina, bears the most precious fruit?" Angelina "Oh, D1ry, I can't toll, unless it's Q cherry tree." Theodore looked unutterable sweetness as he gazed into Augelina's eyes and said, "The axle.tree, darling"
 Two oolored men in l. lurens county, South Carolina, saw pocketbook on the ground. Both made for it, and met before either could reach it. Result-a fight, gore and two blacks -and-blue men, instead of plain black. Thens after victory was declared, they looked at the pocketbook. There ws1 nothing in it.