Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-07-24
No. 36
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

HUMOR OF THE HOUR.
Needs looking into--a telescope. Syracuse
Herald.
Does stolen hen lay poached eggs
Brooklyn Chronicle.
Mosquitoes are always puncture-ally on
hand.-Oil City Derrick.
pig born in May does not turn into Ma
hogany way you can fix it,
Speaking of athletic sports, did you ever
see trout spring ?-Bradford Era.
Il study two pleas remarked the Judge
when the case was lett to his decision.
Marco Bozarris was one of the original
strikers. Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A good many men would have more than
at present should they earn half what they
yearn.
A grocer advertises in the following terse
manner: Hams and cigars-smoked and
unsmoked."
A druggist advertises "Red Lavender"
This must be the ''red cent" we hear quoted
sometimes.
Lorillard's horses bring him 80 many
trophies that he is merry over his cups.-N.
O. Picayune.
A sharp youth discovered that after your
letter is mailed threc-cent stamp becomes
a sent stamp.
1t is alleged that Mount Etena heard of
De Witt Talmage's visit, and got discour-
aged.-Buffalo Express.
The earth makes but 365 revolutions
business.-Ojl City Derrick.
"a fellow-feeling makes US wondrous
kind" But fellow feeling for our pocket
book makes US w0ndrOus mad.
Now cometh the time when the days of
the urchin are no longer in the land than in
the water Rhinebeck Gazette.
The mania continues. Years hence our
children's children will speak with pride of
their Pinatore fathers. Bradford Era.
The recent cyclone in Kansas was quite
popular many persons were really carried
away with it.-Brooklyn Union Argus.
Any Chicago man can get pardoned out of
prison on condition that he'll get himself
counted nine times by the census taker.
"And now," said Fibwell, "let me give
my version" 'And don't let it be per-ver-
sion," added Jones, quickly. Cruel Jones.
And now the weeds and the bugs look up
to the diligent agriculturist and cry: ''Give
us no more of this hoe cuss- poke-us business"
A gentleman who had been struck by the
young lady's beauty was determined to fol-
low the Injunction and kiss the rod that
smote him.
He sang, "Bleet me Dear, at the Gate,"
but she insisted that she would rather meet
him in the ice cream parlor. Lum-
herman.
The contented rustic: "Well, Peter, your
crops must be ruined by this untimely rain p
'Yes, your honor, but, thank heaven, so are
the neighbors'."
And now an Englishman travelling in the
Holy Land has discovered Jacobs well. Glad
to hear it. We supposed Jacob died a good
many years ago.
II had no time to stuff the chicken" apollo
gized landlady to her boarders. "Never
mind madam, it's tough enough as it u.s." re-
piled one of them.
''In the bright complexion of youth I'll
have no such word as pale, and she reached
for the rouge box with the clutch of an angel.
New Haven Register.
EYES," said Texas lawyer who was de-
Tending murderer, sine prisoner at the bar
will prove an alibi. Gentlemen, we shall
prove that the murdered man wasn't there.
Ice cream, being of high temperature,
impairs the teeth and predlsposes them to de-
cay. Young man, cut this out and show it
to your girl if you want to save money
Newark Call.
A mother on Cottage Hill saw her little
daughter draw her sleeve across her mouth,
and said, ''Tilly. what is your handkerchief
for I" s'To firt with, mamma" was the in
nocent reply.-Ol City Derrick.
Fresh. (anxious about his rank) to Profess
or of Mathematics will be my rank
for the term2" Professor-''That is not
easily determined it is less than any assig-
nable quantity" ."-Bowdoin Orient.
'Ob, Doctor, how suffcr!" ''Come,
come, madame! don't believe there's any
thing serious the matter with you" 'Oh,
how you torment me! 1t would serve you
just right if would die right under your
nose!"
A man asked for admission to a show for
half price, as he had but one eye. But the
manager told him it would take him twice as
long to see the show as it would anybody
else, and charged him double. Cincinnati
Saturday Night. sa......
John Bull, as he looks at the cups won by
Parole and ponders upon Weston's victory
npon the land and Hanlon's upon the water,
remarks: ''Wel], any way, I'm terrible
fellow at checkers and backgammon. Al
bapy- Evening: journal. 4e a..
The idea that you can read mans
thoughts in his face is all bosh. Look the
man In the face who borrowed $40 of you
year ago 'sfor d day or two, "and it expresses
nothing hut blanknees-the blankest kind
Detroit Free Presa, x,saa
london Truth offers a weekly prize of