The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-12-27
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


A sound conccrn-Thc telephone.
A ticket speculator-Thc politician.
Not Il put up iob--Thc Washington Monument
The great grand aunt Of the world-Antiquity
Carries all before him-The man with wheel
barrow.
A good Judge of mutton ought to be wethcr.
wise.
A Nevada ball report report says, MISS
was full OF cclat: the eclatcst lady present"
A few remarks from Mr.. Hayes upon the situa-
ton in Maine would be of interest about this
time.
There is nothing so effective in bringing man
up to the scratch As healthy and high spirited
flea.
When writer swears because his articles are
refused, it's proof that evil Communications
corrupt good manners.
No, my friend, temperance writers do not
drink whisky, Some Of 'cm have consumption
and drink Rock aud Rye, but that's all,
Hayes is going TO Philadelphia today to con
graduate Grant on the success Of zone plan "
in Maine.
1t Is said that Charles Francis Adams actually
smiled the other day when an agent wanted to
sell his wife refrigerator.
II man whistles in the street ss il lie were
calling dog, from three to seven men will stop
suddenly and look about them. Is Darwin iight'
4 Wetze county girl says one hug is worth a
dozen love letters They cannot be introduced
as evidence in breach OF promise suit, either
The president sticks to his financial declara
lions. He might As well. 1t looks better for hin
and makes no difference to anybody else.
In Michigan etiquette permits bride to be
married without gloves, because that's the way
shc.handlcs the groom after marriage.
1t is said that Ben Butler laid out s275, 900 on
his recent political campaign. The other side |
laid out Butler.-St Josch CNo) Herdh
Another democratic outrage! Gov Colquitt Of
Georgia OBLIGATED the other day at the dedication
Of eolored Baptist theological seminary at At
lanta.
Besse's singing in the sunlight,
Singing merrily the while,
And the CLEAN OF her striped stockings
Can DC seen about mile.
Rev. Suggs, the colored minister, collected
sixty dollars for himself and the Kansas refugees
at Sycamore. II there's as much money in the
business as all that, we may give 1t trial, our
self-Elgi" Ledder
This Is the way an exchange expresses IL: :
He looked as wise as an owl did, for his tricks
were well adjusted, but he would not advertise,
you see, and In year he busted"
For once 1t Is doubtful whether Grant will &c
cept thing that Is offered him. He appears to
hesitate about accepting the presidency OF tho
Nicaragua canal company
Gen. Cook has been pursued and overtaken on
the plains by hostile Indians many time and
never came TO harm, but an Omaha dispatch
says that while out hunting wild geese few
days ago he was overtaken by "blizzard" and
nearly lost his life. What sort Of an animal is a
blizzard, anyhow,
Says the Hartford Times: "The decision OF
the executive and council Of Maine In throwing
out unlawful returns has aroused all the repub-
licans to cxclaim; To steal legislature is in
famous But none OF them add: TO steal q
president is the greatest crime OF the sgop"
man down east bought two barrels OF psta {
toes, which were all rotten before he had them Q
week. They were called Early Rose and b. ue
nose, but he changed the names to Goldsmith
Maid and Dexter, because they they were such S
fast rotters.-Ex. |,
The ancient iibe against the young lady who !
was only Episcopal pious" is now matched BY !
the story of the interesting stranger At camp. +,
meeting, who replied TO the usual question asked
by young apostle of the emotional school:
My dear young friend, have you rot any relig- I
ion" "Oh, no, indeed, thank you, I'm Pres I
byterian" II
bnby nlaps tl,n l.n, II
titled only" which created such sensation a r
few years ago Longfellow has shaped 1t up 4
To suit the times, as follows: a
Only maid at the window n
Waiting her lovers call; l.,
Only an old spring bonnet
Made over for use this tall. s.
Only blue-cyed bulldog ii
Pacing the garden path; i,
Only pair OF coattals
Bear witness to his wrath. u
Only the maiden's fellow
sitting within his room II
Only some scatless trousers -
To tell OF the bulldogs boom.
The editor Of The Vallejo ;Nev) Chronicle, who :.
few weeks ago announced that he would never ~
indulge In personalities with other editors on ~
the following Saturday published the intellectual
giant OF The solano ReJublcdn as the "literary u
spider shanks" and "bucolc nOndcscrpt' and n
his paper rs "a murky hebdomadal" Another Il
frst.class journalist is described as "a nyblswn I,
waupus." The Vallejo Chronicl. IL making en- n
couraging progress. -,
The Petalumt Octopus" is the proud title Of
o young man Of that rural metropolis The G.
young ladies' have so designated him from the T
AGILITY with which he hugs eight grls at time q,
during a moonlight straw ride We suppose the NJ
fsert thing will he a hugging match challenge dl
rom the Petaluma champion; most girls in six II
hours; hug as you please. A young man gifted =,
Ike that would make a proud record for himself L
At Sauceuto picnc.-W World In,
1t was the last stanza the 30Sth hymn, in the m
Hymnal, that they were singing IN q Davenport hi