The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-05-23
HUMOROUS HINTS.

Tripping the fair fields over.
" aad do yon seek by the gurgling creek
| anu amid the dewy Glover f''
why, Mister she said, %you don't know
beansi A-o"
I'm gatherin' yeller dock for green's"
Did you ever hear a carpenter plane
the piano ?-Graphic.
Never send in poem TODAY that can
be sent In o-morrow-Boston Journal,
The lightest and ARREST walking cos.
tunes of the season will be worn by
tramps.
Kansas has too many school houses
lor Democracy to ever get foot hold on
this state.
Love thy neighbor as myself, but if
1t Is his wife, be sure that he is a smaller
man than you.
Barnum has sent off for a couple of
Zulus with which to start a zulogical
garden, probably.
The sudden flight of colored people
from the south must be the work of
some Recommendations Satur.
day Night.
Leave you, my friend,'' said drunk
en- man to a lamp post to which he was
cllnglng, leave you here in a condition
not 10 take care OF yourself? (Hlc, never.
Said vain old man to his wife: my
dear, these friends wont believe I'm only
40. You know l speak the truth ),
e.Well, suppose l must believe it John
as you've stuck to 1t for fifteen years.
During a recent trial in New London
rural juror appealed TO the court TO
know If the lawyers could not be stop
PED from bothering the jury Them law
yers come here on purpose to bother and
confuse us jurors
When man dies suddenly "without
the aid of physician" as an Irishman
once said, the coroner must be called in.
Ii a man dies regularly, after being treat
ed by doctor, everyone knows why he
died, and the inquest is not necessary.
Broad is the isle and nicely carpeted
that leadeth to the best seats in the tenn
pie OF worship, but narrow the staircase.
and most abominably crooked the bare
boards that lead to the gallery-but you
get nearer heaven that way.-New Ha-
ven Register.
General Lee asked a soldier one day,
whom he found eating green persim
mons, If he did not think they were un-
mt for food. Pm not eating them for
food, general" replied the man. I'm
eating them to draw my stomach up to
fit my rations.''
A newly married lady, very fond of
her husband, notwithstanding his ugli-
ness, said to witty friend: "My hus-
band has laid out $40 for large bah
Don, on purpose to please me-" Dear
little man." cried the other. "Well, it's
just like him.
When in full dress the Zulus wear a
ring in their nose, and that's alI-Al
Dany Argus. Isn't that enough to wear
in their nose? Perhaps you want an
African gentleman to carry around a
whole jewelry store in his proboscis-
New Haven Register.
The fashionable kiss is very COM
mon method of salutation among ladies'
which occurs generally upon every en-
counter, whether public or private, and
IS excessively violent after an absence of
seven entire days:
A short time ago DaRbury man had
$40 stolen from him. The thief was
subsequently struck with remorse and
sent back $40, with a note to the effect
that as soon as he received more remorse
he would send back the rest.-Danbury
News
And parting-what deceit is this?
Each wiped away the others kiss"
If the young man who went to call on
a girl on Fourth street last Sunday night,
but who suddenly left the front door
and shot out of the yard, with dog at
tached to the dome of his trousers, will
return the dog, reward of five dollars
will be paid by the girls father and no
questions asked.-Stillwater Lumber
man.
Having repeatedly fallen a victim to
pIck::pockets, frequent traveller in the
omnibuses determines to go fishing for
them, and placing in his pocket-book
nothing but piece of paper inscribed
That's where you fooled yourselfp' he
goes forth on much-frequented line.
After twenty minutes ride, disguised
at the absence of any sport, he leaves the