Connecticut western news., 1879-05-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

among bakers, but it is not
 A new boat club style their boat house Golgotba, the place of souls.
 Strength of mind depends upon sobriety, for this keeps reason unclouded by passion.
 Human things must be known to be loved. but divine things need to be loved to be known.
 X No indulgence of passion destroys the spiritual nature somuch as respecta- ble selfshness.
 Human life defined by line is as uncomfortable as would be the human figure defined by wire.
 -"There is music in the heir, moaned the young husband as he reached for the paregoric bottle.
 If the best employment of woman is to make home happy, the best work of a man is to make her happy.
 While man has been sitting per fectly still, we have seen his sidewalk and his footstep at the same time.
 Tears are the gift which love bestows upon the memory of the absent and they will avail to keep the heart from sutfo- cation.
 The object of all ambition should be to be happy at home. If we are not happy there, we cannot pc happy eiSe- where. What is the difference between the weather and the baby? One never rams but it pours, the other never pains ous it roars. ... Never be angry with man who threatens to blow your brains out. he is iattering you with the remark that you have brains.
 -Icnorance, when it is voluntary, IS criminal, and he may properly be charged with evil who refused to learn now ne might prevent it.
 An English traveller in the Holy Land. it is said, has discovered Jaooos well. We are delighted to hear It. There had been rumor ahoat that Jacob was dead.
 -Talmage says that every man should
 str; Oe to leave tracks behind him ln this
 world. Commodore Vanderbilt leit nun
 dreds of miles of tracks behind him, to
 sov nothing of cars and locomotives.
 The Owego Record says An nowego
 oirl dropped one of her false eyebrows
 in church pew, and it so badly scared
 the young nan at her side that nc
 tainted. He thought it was his mus
 tache.
 The horse of local peddler, whose homes were not burdened with flesh, and whose ribs presented themselves as good
 subjects for study to anatomists, was found placarded, 'Oats Wanted. Ap- ply within"
 During the recent impanneling Of a iury in New York city, one of the jurors, in answer to the usual question put by |, the District Attorney, Are you man : of family ?" replied: "Weli' Judge l
 guess you would think so. I've got
 twelve, all girls"
 Division officer (to cheeky freshman rusticated for month) "Well, sir, It the faculty have concluded to let you " resume your studies" 'S1 (who has just t~ received letter telling him to come y home): "All right, will decide in e few days whether or not to return. u A schoolmistress, while taking dowI . the names and ages of her pupils ane 'e the names of their parents at the begin 'u ninp of the term, asked one little fellow :" "What's your fathers name" on 'o vou needn't put his name down he .u m too old to go to school to woman" wa |. the reply.
 "a ,s In barber's shop. Chief barbe ot out. Young lady cashier at the coun 70 ter Enter @ gentleman who IS alway m m shaved by the proprietor. Customer
 r see MT. x. is not in. Young lady mln m the counter (graciously)-Wil yo moe m please sit down and wait few minutes nL He wont be long (still more gracioui ,n ly) he's only gone out to shave ma
 who's been taken with the smallpox we At each returning Christmas, Ne
 Year's, birthday and festal occasion
 kind but prudent father presents his iltt' of daughter with valuable gift of the uss de full variety-a dress, hat, or pair nt' boots. "Pa," finally said the little on' on "my birthday comes next week, II 70 bh' love me and think I have been re- OH OH good girl you might give me somethin VI that's useless" ~, A young woman who had new la learned the gentle art of cookery, peiL aI desirous of impressing her husband WI
 her knowledge and diligence, manae ,ra to have the kitchen door ajar on the di 'uo after their return from the bridal tri , " and just as her lord comes in from u ele office exclaims loudly: Hurry n ley Eliza, do! Haven't you washed 2 '" lettuce yet? Here, give it to me; Whers
 the soap?" cd. A Maine parson who announce n from his pulpit that circus was apo was to visit the town, aud that if any ot lec- flock should attend he would gladly gi ,his them letter of dismission, was som an- what notified in his wrath when brig we'd and bold little Sunday-school scholar eral eight presented himself at the pulpit ver. the close of the service with, Pleai ,hly sir. will you give me the tickes e0
 circus that you promised ?"