St. Landry democrat., 1879-05-31
How to Manage a Hog.
| saltwater (Minn.) Lumberlnan.

tNlHll.l lIulhDtEiHtH.l
! At midnight the summons came.
| Mulia Ann thrust her elbows cleverIy
between two OF my ribs, and whispered
! in ghostly accents:
! Joshua, there is hog in the gar
den" | have lived with Maria long
! enough to know that she expects me to
catch her ideas instantly, and although
she had said nothing about it, knew
she anticipated that [ would rise in my
might and go for that hog.
| accordingly rose in my might, and
| began cropping around for my panta-
looms. I felt that without them l could
not appear to that advantage that would
command the respect of the hog. had
no idea we possessed SO much wearing
| apparel until begun to inventory it in
the dark, while looking for my panta
looms. got hold of articles of edsing,
and articles with t1ounces and with en-
'broidery, and with strings, while Maria
! That hog will eat up all the potatoes
before you get down stairs. Iou are
! fcarfully SLOW"
/ supposed she whispered for fear the
hog would hear her and become offend
ed. She never could bear to give amy
otfensc, not even to Il hog, except me.
All this time was trying on things that
did not fit me, but finally lit into some
sort Of a garment that had what was
. intended fora row OF buttons on it, and
/ buttoned it up, although there was a
| lightncss and cheerfulness about it that
did not seem entirely familiar.
| got half way down stairs, when it
suddenly occurred to me that the hog
was not i'll our gardcu, for the very good
reason that We had no garden for the
! |, ,t,%. lol n,
and the hog might get into that. 1t
80 startled Inc that rolled down to the
bottom of tile stairs, feat made easier
from. the fact that seemed pretty we'll
| tangled up in the garment had adopt
| ed.
! Maria Ann, who always proves equal
| to any emergency, sootlied me a good
deal by coming III the top Of the stairs,
! and calling me an IDIOT and other pet
! titles she is in the way of applying in
moments of tenderness.
! got out of the front door as soon az
! possiblo, and the hog, who was looking
at thelhouse from the front yard, APP
t parently with view of renting, it, stood
appalled,. did not wonder ut this. In
my haste in dressing | inadvertently
put on Maria AIMS polonaise, and it
stdi!us w ttteut tt!at q tuuN s.iihyeH III
white igIt-sliilt and blue polOnaise,
rushing from the front door of il house
at the solemn hour of midnight, must
present an appalling spectacle to any
hog. After recovering from his memen
| tary astonishment, the hog took three
/ mote kinks IL lis tail ana seooEed times
, around the yard. The front gate was
| wide open, but he never thought of 60
| ing through that. He seemed to lie look
! ing for good place to jumn over the
fence. tangled myselfsup In the polo
naise again and took flying leap into
the yard, landing on my lett eyebrow.
| We do not give the women half the
credit they deserve. | am convinced
that it requires more downright genius
/ to pilot a polenaise, cut with darts in
the back and trimmed with knife pleat-
iIt5ls, ttii1n II qGGeS Io nahaega National
around the house three times more In
his tel. an, alo" ~ r.. ;;.n W1:,.' . .,., am
afraid I was beginning to get mad, and
when | went around behind the house
and got hatohet, am obliged to con-
Tess that it was with q firm purpose to
kill that hog or die trying to.
! don't think the hog had noticed the
woodshed until went there for the
hatchet, but when [ returned to the
front yard he immediatly retired to the
Woodshed, and then | knew I had him
cOrnered.
Maria had by this time recovered her
presence of mind, and had got her head
out OF a front window I'D stairs, and was
yelling Fire ~ with al her might, and
in q way calculated to be Of inestimable
service to me. All needed to spur me
on to glory was some one to yell Fire J"
entered the woodshed cautiously aud
fonnd the hog completely at my mercy,
unI',ss he made q hole through the
kitchen door, and escaped that way.
He did not do that. On the contrary,
rather hastily, not because he scared
me any, but to prevent him from tear
ing my polonaise. ] anu always careful
to keep hogs off my polonaise, so far
as is possible. There was q wash-tnb
full OF suds behind me, and as stepped
! back out of the way OF the hog, in lit
of Observation-Disclosures, ] sat down in the
tuO. 1t may seem curious, but my re-
collection now is that the tub fitted me
a good deal more snugly than the noln=
naise, and yet [ had never tried the tub
| on before in all my born days. The only
way out of the tub was to tip it over
and t1oat out % the suds, and that at
| once did.
| Maria, still true to me in my atf1iction,
opened the kitchen door, and with her
face full of wifely anxiety, and sur
rounded by nightcap friIl, and her
mouth wide open, she really looked like
a saint or something, but she was re-
marking MURDER ag the time, and
her voice SO startled the hog that he
ran oyer me before I could get out of
the suds. How he managed to step on
me thirty-two times in running over me
once. is a mystery both TO Maria Ann
and myself but he did, for we counted
the spots his hoofs made.
| After running over me, he walked ont
the front gate as solemnly as though he
were on bis way to church, and it is my
sober belief that he came into the yard
on purpose to run over me, an1 for 10th
ing e!sa. -, - q 80
| Maria ,App declares she won't wear
thaf b0lonaise any more, and ! am
tolerably sure shall not not if know
| it,
| Facts about the city of Londor. are al
| int and e.,