The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-06-03
HUMOROUS.


ward avenue piece Is one of those
men who, even If he understands per-
icctly we'll any inquiry addressed to
MIN, Invariably replies "Hey?" and
the Inquiry must be submitted again
The world has tens Of thousands of
these "heys?" but until the other day
this Detroiter was the worst of ali.
Along came stranger the other eve
ming who might, and might not, have
known of this mans eccentricity. En-
tering the store he remarked:
want four pounds Of sugar."
Hey 2" replied the other.
said wanted sausage-stuifer, -
continued the man.
What-hcy
asked If you had pickles in vine
gar'u cooi,iiy remarked the stranger.
"l--w --gallon--of-
tnrpentine," slowly returned the
stranger.
Bless your soul, but don't keep
it!" suddenly exclaimed the citizen.
didn't suppose you did,"
"l said ia take some liver pills in
the place Of it,"
No doubt the dealer had heard every
single word of the entire conversation.
and he didn't like it very well, either
Dut haDlt prevailed, and again he called
out, Hey?"
"Calico! Calico!" shouted the
stranger. "Ive asked you dozen
times over If you had any good, eight
cent calico?"
"No, sir-no sir-no, STRIP was the
indignant answer.
"Hey?" called the stranger, his
hand to his car.
The citizen looked around for the
four pound weight, but when he found
1t there was nothing to throw at.
AN OLD darkey caught a two pound
sucker one day, and was so well salts
fled with his work that he lay down for
nap with his fish beside him on the
grass. Another darkey came along
presently, picked up the sucker. and
lett half-pOund one IN ita place.
When the first man and brother woke
up, the first thing his eyes sought was
the fish, and 1t took him some seconds
to realize that something had happened.
Then turning his prize oyer and exam
ming 1t all around, he simply remarked,
Golly, he" dat fish am shwunked -
"A SMALL boy In town had seen his
mothers fur muif that had been badly
eaten with the moths. Shortly after
wards he was in his fathers stable
watching the process of currying his
pet pony. The animal was shedding
It's coat, and consequently very large
punches Of hair came out with each an
plication of the comb. With tears in
his eyes the little fellow rushed into
the house and cried, "Oh, mamma
mamma! tho moths have got into my
pony, AMI Pm afraid no is ruined -
"SErn." said Mrs. Splccr, "Dlants
are very fashionable for hall ornaments
now, and | wish you would get me
one tor ours" and when Spicer replied
That he would haye Il hat tree hailed
home tor her, she further remarked
that she wished he would keep his
stupid jokes for his club dinners, and
not bring them home to contaminate the
minds of the children. But then wives
are rarely grateful.
"WHY, papa" said girl to her
father, away long in the night when
She and her Adolphus were in CONVEX
sation upon he ethics Of the dust anu
kindred topics, "Why, papa. what are
you looking forp" "Oh, nothing;
just thought I'd get up to see the son
rise" The clock struck, and the sun
rose and vanished, and the old man
went back to bed.
a PROFOUND writer says: owe are
created especially tor one another"
Then why blame the cannihrls tor
wanting to get their share?
THE last trump will take all the tricks.
says an exchange. Then we sincerely
hope 1t won't be the deuce.
a In hn Of a
on angels alluded to them us IAN ex-
tinct race"
THE route to the coal bin Is hod
road to travel.
The article that lew editors refuse to
puff is Il cigar.
IIE SAT beside the river and thought
Of sewercide.