The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-07-23

Pointing to the, advancing troops, he said |:
s:Yonder, my men, comes the enemy +;
the aristocrats, who would rob you Of
your suffrages. Fight 'em to the laat
gasp, and, if you have to retreat, do it
with your face to the foe, selling your
life dearly at every step you take; and
(as the troops came nearer) as I'm a little
lame, I guess I'll start now" r..
When the charming Sidney Smith
complained to Yorkshire lady that it
was so hot he wished he could take off
his flesh and sit in his bones, we detect
the same principle. A small boy was
hoeing corn in a sterile field by the road
side when passer by stopped and said :
Pears to me your corn is rather small"
"Certainly," said the boy, ''it's dwarf
corn" But it looks as if you wouldn't
get more than half a CROP" .Of course
not" said the boy, tive planted her on
shares" In a Cape Cod village, some
years ago, there lived very argumenta-
tive schoolmaster. One day he opened
an attack upon travelling salesman, an
Englishman, telling him that our folks
could "lick' his folks, easy. "Ah, yes,
said the Englishman, ,"but how was it at
the battle of Long land-Brooklyn
Heights how was it there?" ooh, yes,
I remember that now you speak of it,"
replied the schoolmaster. 'That WASN'T
ofaccount. Somehow, onr folks didn't
appear to take no sort of interest in that
scrimmage!" A boy who was too lazy
to work on farm was asked by his faith
er what kind of business he would like
to go into. The boys said he thought he
would like to 60 into counting room in
Boston, for he thought it would take
a long time to find him
a place, and, meanwhile, = he
could remain IDLE. So they sent for the
schoolmaster to see what the hoy knew
about arithmetic. "Tell me-" said the
schoolmaster show much would 1-2
pounds Of beef cost at 8 1-2 cents a
pound?'' "That's hard one to do" said
the boy, "wlth. two halves in 1t. Couldn't
you make one of 'em ten?" ''Very
well," said the schoolmaster; "then tell
us what ten pounds Of beef would cost
at 7 10 cents a pound?" The boy was in
a quandary. He had no idea of the null
tiplication table, but he was Yankee
boy and he got out of the scrape. "Seven
cents and half pound,' said he;
"pshaw! that's nonsense. You can't buy
no kind of beef for 1-2 cents pound"
Yankee boy invented a flying
but kept everything secret, and
sprang from the caves of his fathers barn
with the machine and nearly broke his
neck. Looking up he saw his brother
Bill looking out of one of the barn win
dows, and Bill asked him: allow do you
like flynn Tom?' He had his wits about
him, and instantly replied: ooh, fyin's
we'll enough; they amt ne trouble about
flynn; lightin's the pint"
An old man in a Massachusetts town,
an old farmer from the North Parish, en-
tered the village bar-room one evening.
"Oh," said he, "you'd outer been over to
our place this mornin,' Pettengill's barn
was burnt down aatter'n jerusalem"
He was asked by dozen voices how it
swell, you see," said he,
"Pettengill was away, and Zeke the
Irishman, he went out to shoot one of
them brown owls that come around in
the daytime. The wadding set fire to
the hay, and the whole things burnt up,
and no insurance on it. Pettengill's
most crazy about it," [Silence in the
bar-room for several minutes perhaps out
of sympathy for Pet.eng1ll.] Then an
old fellow inquired with eagerness
"Well, did he kill the owl 90 There is
very little sentiment in the mind of the
true Yankee countryman. His utteran-
ces are sometimes solid to a ludricious
degree. A father said to an old acquaia-
lance who came to condole with him on
tina unmanageableness of his two sons
who had committed burglary in the
next town. and had both been sentenced
to prison: ut is pretty rough on me to
have them both 60 to onct, but there is
one thing to it-when, it comes night
now you know where them boys be.'
During the voyage home
of several New England farmers
from the Paris exposition, scotch
man used to air his knowledge every day.
Talking one day about the ravages of
blackbirds and crows in the cornfelds,
the Scotchman asked why they did not
dress bale of straw up like a man to
frighten them away. ''Well," said one
of the farmers, 'sthat is ingenious, but it's
nothing compared with the article I've
been over to Paris to. get patents on.
Did you ever here of Gen. Leonidas
Brownlow's double-back-action, anti;
friction, rear-propeller Fl crow-scarell
"Goodness, no." the Scotchman replied,
II never heard Of it. What is. that?
"Why," said the farmer, sssit's such an
Efficient machine that when the crows
and blackbirds see it work they not only
get away as quick, but it scares them Sc
that they hurry to bring back what
they've stolen before!' A we'll known
public man in Main, some twenty-five
years ago used to. tell this story: He
found one time, that he had two or three
days to spare, and inquired of the hote
clerk where he could find some shooting
A country-man stood near by said h
sought to go out on the Scarborough roac
about six miles over the bridge, and he'i
find pair of bars on the left-hand side
Put the bars up again, because tn,
critters might get j out, the,
go up the hill, and that will
bring you out right by the old Squir
Risley's barn, and like enough he'll b.
around there himself; he's most Away
around" II dou't know Squire Risley,