Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1879-03-13

And she tells you with a kiss,
There'l be always room for you.
Sweet, my baby, on my breast
Dream your happy dreams and rest.
Rest, Oh! rest.
Humorous Items.
There's one melancholy fact about
calendar; there's no time when its days
are not numbered.
Anthony Comstock heard somebody
speak of a "new departure" "A nude
departure9 III have it arrested at once!"
he exclaimed.-Butalo Sunday NesDs.
One of the seventy-6ve points Of differ,
ence between Judge Hilton and st. Paul
is that the latter "kept his body under"
and the former idn't-Phila. Bulletin.
Taking off ones shoes in the lower hall
to walk up stairs noiselessly, and just as
the top is reached to drop one shoe. and
hear it go rafting to the bottom like the
gong of eternity.
"Why are you looking at me so intent
! ly, Alice2" said Theodore. 81 was gazing
at Vacancy" replied Alice, dreamily; and
yet there is q twinkle about her mouth
that shows her appraisement of the young
man.
The father OF a St. Louis bride presented
his son-in-law with 10000 head of cattle.
Papa, DEAR" exclaimed his daughter,
when she heard Of it, that was so kind
ofyou; Charley's awfully fond of ox-tail
soup.'
suppose the same man would live to
be eighty years old on brown bread, roots,
and green cribs, who would reach seventy
eight years on plum puddin and milk
punch. Which of the two ways do you
consider the whichest9-Josh Bizztnqs
An exhorter in campmeeting in Geor-
gia was telling his congregation OF the
wickedness of the world, and how many
people cheated and lied and backbited,
and all that sort of thing, when an old
storekeeper jumped up and said, 81 know
thingw
you're drunk. SIR" said the captain
to an intoxicated blue jacket, fresh from
an unlimited absence without leave. II
know I'm drunk" returned the tar, "but
] shall get over that. As for you," he
went %, looking at his commanding Of
fcer pityingly, "you're fool, and you'll
never get over that"
A bright little shoreham boy, who had
been engaged in combat with another
boy, was reproved by his aunt, who told
him he ought always to wait until the
other boy 'pitched upon" him. "Well,"
explained the young belligeren:, "but if
wait for the other boy to begin, I'm
afraid there won't be any fight"
A scientific lecturer put out flaming
handbills headed "Know Thyself." A
wag soon called on the lecturer and told
him he was inducing great many peo-
pie to form acquaintance of very low
order. The lecturer looked at the wag
moment, and said, "My friend, you are
| right, but it never occurred to me until l
saw you"
MADAM" said doctor one day to the
mother of a sweet, healthy babe, II wish
to enquire what you do to have such
lovely, happy, uniformly good childl"
The mother unused for moment over the
strangeness of the question, and then re-
piled, simply and beautifully, "Why,
God has given me healthy child, and I
let it alone"
A minister Of West Anstruther appealed
to Sir Robert Anstruther, who was an ex-
tensive landowner in that parish, to
assist in placing stove in the church,
which he said the congregation found
very cold. ''Cauld, sir cauld !" Sir Robert
exclaimed-"then warm them with your
doctrine, sir. John Knox never asked
for stove in his kirkl''
A reverend gentleman who resides in a
neighboring town has the misfortune to
own son who is addicted to drink. The
other night when the family had retired
to rest, the son returned home in his
usual condition. When the father open
ed the door to his graceless offspring, he
exclaimed, sadly, "Drunk again, Henry
drunk againl'' "All right, father" re-
piled the staggering reprobate, $50 am
In the present state of the science of
electricity, NJ. Fontaine maintains that it
is impossible to divide the electric light
economically. He thus states the best
practical results: A single light equal to
500 standard gas-burners has the adj
vantage over gas, even if one-fourth
OF tie light produced is only actual.
ly realized. II the light is reduced to
q standard of so burners the advantage
is still on the side of electricity.
If it be diminished to 20 burners
there is an equilibrium bet ~een gas and
electricity In the matter of cost. If, how
ever, the electric light be only equal to
10 burners. the illumination is more
costly than it would be with gas. An
experim ent in electric lighting has just
been tried at Billingsgate, London. The
engine; had two cylinders, each 10 Ia
inches in diameter, with IA inches stroke
and using 80 pounds steam, and made
100 revolutions per minute. It impaired
4 motion to two Gramme machines, the
one producing a continuous current and
connected by two wires to the other of
the alternating type and capable Of sup
| plying electricity to 20 Jablochkoff can
dies. -Four circuits were employed with
tour lights in each. Nine of the electric
candles were placed equidistant from
each other in the body of the market
facing the river, two in the street front
ON Thames street, and one on the stair
case. The light did not apparently give
so much satisfaction as the admirable
system of gas lighting with which the
market had been provided.
A Hero Martyr.
,"What are you doing there2" said a
ind-hearted stranger to half. frozen
plumber, who was leaning back in a re-
cumbent position against the board fence
| near seryice-pipe he had been engaged
1 in repairing. It was one of those cold
days, and the mechanic was with difficult
ty aroused from that DELIGHTFULLY."- fatal
stupor that precedes death by freezing.
@"What are you doing there, / say9" he
repeated, with another vigorous shake:
Intending that pipe" replied the half
dazed lumber.
!"But its done, amt it,"
eyes" IT..
"Why don't You 90 home, then9" -,
''Sir, he replied, ana there was in his
Il