Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-08-04
The recoil of cucumbers is terrific.

Inc recoll OF cucumbers Is terrific.
The game law against mosquitoes has
expired.
A man weighs more, and fish less,
by dressing.
The breath of scandal is beyond the
control of cardamon seeds.
Summer is good time to live out the
pious precepts learned in winter.
The girl with gold necklace thinks
a lOw-necked dress just too lovely for
anything.
Keep your eyes open while travelling.
Better let In q cinder or two than moth
ing at all.
Better bare feet and contentment there
with than patent leather boots and corn
on each toe.
A little urchin being asked "what is
Rhode Island noted fOr?" replied: alt
is the only one of the New England
States which is the smallest"
When man Gums to me for advice, i
find out the kind ov advice he wants,
and i Civ it to him; this satisfies him
thet he and are two az smart men az
there IL living.
81 believe the jury have been innocu-
lated with stupidity" said lawyer.
THAT may be, said his opponent, .but
the Bar are of the opinion that you had
it the natural way.
|, A Chicago editor shouts, 1--WE have
killed $4,000 hogs since the first of
March" The Waterloo Observer SAYS
if that is the case it will hardly pay to
get out directory this year.
And now the hard worked editor
Doth feast him at his ease
Upon the tender radish,
| Potatoes and green peas,
|-a' Brought in by kind subscribers,
| .... VINO know the meagre fare
| That the poor country editor
| I-lO91" Is fed on all the year. ...
That was hard fellow who went t.
be examined for teaching school, anC
when asked how he would govern hi
school replied: 81 should use mora
suasion first. and if that wouldn't do,
would try capital punishment.
There is said to be in Milwaukee tn,
champion marrying justice. There i
nobody to equal the neatness and dis
patch with which he ties the knot. Thl
is the way he does it: "Have'er 2
"Yes." "Have'im ?"' "Yes." "Mar
ried; So"
Some wicked man asserts that it wa
great mistake that potato bugs weren'
introduced into the Garden of Eden, sine
their presence there would have KEEP
Adam and Eve so busy that they woul
mt have had time to go around foragin
for pippins.
"What made you quit the East :?
said man in Nevada to a new Gomez
al got into trouble by marrying tw
wives" was the reply. "Well," said tn
other, 81 came out here because | &c
into trouble by marrying only one wife.
"And l." added a bystander. ''cam
here because | got into trouble by simpl
promising to marry one"
You would hardly expect to find W
among the Indians, and yet they are jul
as human as the rest of US, and in spi
of their stOicism indulge in a joke no
and then which has a flavor of its owl
During banquet which was given
the pale faces to several red men, one
the Indians took spoonful of mustal
, supposiDg it to be some delicacy. I'll
, tears came into his eyes. He could
! without fiuching, but spoonful of mu
: tard was something which even his hero
: soul could not endure, so he wept pr
: fusely, even as white men sometimes
The chief, who sat opposite, asked hi
why he cried. He naturally replied th
be was thinking of his old father w
died horrid death. A few minut
; after. the chief himself fell upon t
mustard pot. and swallowed more thi
| was necessary. The tears came into
J eyes too. A thousand tomahawks we
nothing, but the pungent quality of t
u mustard made him weep. like chi
a = "And why do you cry ?" asked the fiji
;; victim. with savage delight in his toI
e well" was the quick reply. 81 am CT
ing because you were not killed wh
your father was"