The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-05-28
Strippings.
What the Funny Papers Give Down.
DEAR TO EVERY HEART.

A gentleman stepped Into schoolroom in
Cincinnati during recitation in geography,
and was invited by the teacher to ask the class
few questions. He courteously complied.
'What is the capital of Michigan?"
Lansing" was the prompt reply.
What is the largest city in Michigan"
Detroit"
'.Where is the Great University of Michigan
located?"
cat Ann Arbor"
'What is the capital of Pennsylvania
Harrisburg
What is the largest city in Pennsylvania"
philadelphia.
"What building is there in Philadelphia that
is dear to the heart of every patriotic Ameri-
That was poser; the class was troubled, but
made no answer. The doctor repeated the
question.
81 KNOW" said a little fellow on back seat
as he stretched us his arm to its full length
illus what it is then, my boy" said the
doctor.
''The Mint" was the confident answer
A AMAsTERLY STROKE OF GENIUS
The other day muscular young fellow, hav-
ing an odor of the stables about him, entered
Detroit photographers establishment and ex-
planned that he would like to have about one
photograph taken, but on learning the price
he concluded to invest in tin-type. After
taking his seat in the chair he shut one eye,
drew his mouth around one side, stuck up his
nose and patiently waited for the operator,
whose astonishment caused him to exclaim:
"Good gracious! but you don't want to look
that way to get picture. Nobody will know
you from Sitting Bull"
"You go ahead" was the reply
''Do you want me to take such phiz as
that?'.
"I do"
The artist took it. 1t beat Sol Smith Rus
sell all to pieces and was highly satisfactory to
the sitter, who, as he paid for it said:
You see, had a sort of object in this.
Come here from Allegan County six months
here like better-got to sever old ties-see?'
"But what has that picture got to do with
old ties?' asked the artist.
''Lots-heaps! I've writ to her that was
blode up here on boat and disfggered for
life. She's awful proud. When she gets this
and sees how that explosion wrecked me, she'll
hunt another lover quicker'n wink-see? How
do you like the plot? Just gaze on this pic
ture once and then tell me that Mary Ann
won't send back my love letters by first
traini''
He posted the picture. The letter was brief,
but explained all. 1t said my Ever Dear
Gurl-I incloze my picture that you see how
offul bad was hurt, tho know you will luv
me just the same.'
"Ever see that game worked before?". he
asked the artist as he licked the stamp on the
letter.
"No-never did,"
"Course you never did. It's mine. 1t
| struck me the other day while L was greasin' a
wagon, and think it's boss. Blode up-see?
Disfggered for life-see? Picture right here
to prove it, and she'll write back that she has
at last concluded to yield to the wishes of her
parents and marry young man out there
rh. nlA Cfnn
an eighty acre lot.-Detroit Free Press
HOW HE CHOSE BONNET,
"New bonnet, new bonnet-twelve dollars
for new bonnet!' exclaimed Mr.. Slick the
other evening as his wife suggested change
from the winter styles.
eyes, only twelve dollars" she humbly re-
piled.
'"Twelve dollars for bonnet is confounded
| outrage, and know it!'' he went on "Why
| can buy two fine silk hats for that money and
| have some change left for strawberries It's
| dead swindle to ask S12 for bonnet"
"Well, L can't do any better, Mr. Slick.
| That's the price, and / must pay or go with
out.
"You don't know how to buy-that's what
ails you," he growled. 'I'll bet money that 1
| can buy $12 bonnet for IS. It's all in know
| ing how to handle the salesmen''
II wish you'd try it, she suggested,
"I will-by George! will! I'll bring you
| up new bonnet in the morning, and I'll get it
| "a cheaper than you dare to!''
| Mr. Slick was as good as his word. He went
| into a millinery store next forenoon with his
| eye-teeth sharpened, and with the idea in his
| mind that every bonnet in the store was
| priced at exactly $12. He looked around
little, selected bonnet that pleased him, and
pointing his cane at it, and calling up his deep
est voice, he inquired:
"Are you asking S12 for that bonnet?''
The woman flushed, looked from the bonnet
to the man, and was trying to reply, when he
said
"These are not the times for outrageous
prices, and all buyers realize it, I'll give you
| S8 for that bonnet and not a cent more.
"That-that bonnet
/ eight dollars, and no more." he inter-
| rupted; and she put the article in a box and
l took his money.
''What'd 1 tell my wife, eh?" he WHISPERED.
as he went out. II tell you it takes man to
buy goods, no matter whether it's fence-posts
/ or paper cambric!'
| When he sat down at home and took the
cover off the box and held up the bonnet. Mrs,
| Slick inquired:
How much did she charge you?''
Eight dollars, madam; while you would
| have paid twelve!"
"Richard," +" she said as she tried to laugh all
over at once, II was with the lady next door
when she ordered that bonnet for her servant,
and the price was to be four dollars. You see
/ it"
He held up his finger, counted three iives
out OF his wallet and left them on a chair for
her.-Detroit Free Press.