The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-09-13
PASSING SMILES.

A FOOT note-Soie.
THE wasp is stem-winder.
Ours to mankind--The dog-days.
: BRED on the waters-Mosqu
COLE steal-Hooking lump of ice.
CoTToNApEs man to dress cheaply,
SIGHED tracks Wrinkles on the fore
head.
ABSOLUTELY false--A set of artificial
teeth.
! A DYING bequest is almost dead give
away.
BooK-KEErINe in one lesson Never
| lend them.
A FINED fact-one thu. gets in
womans head.
THE length Of lady's train should
never be under foot efa t ff
"HIs profcssionl What is his proses~
sionY' Madame, he pedals music"
Why is anything that is unsuitable
like a dumb person? Because it won't
answer. iass aj sr
| AN Erie girl calls her fellow, who is a
member of the Michigan crew, her even
| ing's tar.
EDiroRs get one important item Of
subsstencoat price--they get bored
for nothing.
al AM like a calendar" said cheerful
old man Of four score; my days are all
| numbered
"MosT people neglect the cyc,' says
writer. Prize-fighters don't They always
go right for it.
WHY are good resolutions like squat !
ling babe at church? Because they
should be carried out. - 81,
A LADY joking about her nose, said.
al had nothing TO do shaping it." 1t
was birthday present. 100 aNAey
1T is hoped that the uninitiated do
not think that the quoins used by print
ers are made of gold or silver--they are
only wood. at 80 ~ rit
ALTHOUGH man is the only animal
that can be induced to drink liquor beef
occasionally gets corned.--Phiiodclphid
Chronicle Herald.
THE young man who wrote and asked
his girl to accept bucket" of flowers,
became u little pale when she said she
wooden ware it, eR
AN exchange says that the individual
who " stole march, has been put in the
same cell with procrastination, the
thief of time" 40
SHE was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond Of her. She hated him,
but, woman-lke, she tried to catch him. I
And yet what was he2---A flea
A VIRGINIA Judge holds that hus-
band cannot be slandered by his wife.
They are one in the eyes of the law, and
she has right to SANDER either half
"Have | not my son." said an indul-
gent father, "given you every advan-
tageT 40 yes, bit couldn't think Of
taking advantage of you, father, replied
the young scapegrace.
What quantities of dried grasses you
keep here, Miss Stebbins? Nice room
for a donkey to get intoY "Make your
self at home," she responded, with sweet
gravity.
UNDER her window ho sang OF the stars,
And Iikened them TO her eyes
Miles away she sped on the cars,
With the timer who'd won the prize.
IT is mournful comment on human
vanity to see the mourners looking back
on turning corner, to see if the length
of the procession is worthy of the corpse.
Saturday Night.
IT is singular that men will go playing
sweet to other mems wives, when there
are so many billions of accomplished.
spinsters only waiting to conjugate the
verb "amo, amavi" in Massachusetts.
PROFESSOR, the carriage is ready" Z
cried porter, protruding his head
through hotel Office door in Boston.
Thirty-seven men instantly jumped to
their feet and bowed.-OH city Derrick.
LORD HOLLAND told of man remark
able for absence of mind, who, dining
once at some sort of shabby repast,
fancied himself in his own house, and
began to apologize for the wretchedness
of the dinner
You seem sad and detected tonight,
Claude, dear" Yes, darling; men Of
my emotional nature are easily affected
either by the smiles or frowns offortune."
His washerwoman had discharged him.
Andrews' Rdzar.
|. The Boston Transcript wants a per-
sonal pronoun of common gender, and
the Post suggests Drmarywalker. This
will be apt to engender trouble between
" He, she, it and the Postman."-M Y.
Commercial Advertiser.
"THE mills of the gods grind slowly"
This is all because the hands are paid by
the day. Will the gods never learn that
it is to their interest to let ont work by
contract?-&. Louis Republican. A
ONE reason why men restore lost wal
lets to their owners is because they were
seen to pick them up. A dark night
and fat wallet would have given even
old Ben Franklin close shave.
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