Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1879-10-21
THELAND OF MALORS.

Thifv nun" ~ '''''f'''
THE LAND OF MAJORS.
Bob Burdette. writing from St. John,
y. b., in the Hart,yc, OF TIE grand re-
ception to the yice-regal party, relates
the following.
There, said one OF the gentlemen Of
the press. think it was Mr. McDade, OF
the Ne,cs, pointing to an officer crossing
the platform, THAT Is Major DE Win
ton
Who" | demanded. almost speech
less with amazement
Major De Winton,' replied the good
journalist, apparently pleased at my emo
ton.
turned on him. said:
..Oh it is. is it: And YOU have the
thoughtless audacity to show me a major,
do YOU: You assume TO think that !
come all the way from Burlington to look
At major. do YOU; You think to I'M
press citizen OF the United States by
showing him a major
could say no more Ny emotion
choaked me. Why, l had just come
from the land Of majors. The Domin-
ion, NAV its shadow never grow less nor
It's fish more expensive, it may oyershadow
us with royalty; it may out outnumoer
us with princes and taunt US OF our mar
ouislcss condition. bu. when YOU come
down to majors-Grcat CGsars ghost.
What broad empire but hides It's dlmin-
ished head in the shadow OF our grand
eur. Why, at home buy all my gar
den truck of a colonel, and We hired a
major last spring to tack down the star
CARPET. Il required the services Of two
majors and some line officer, forget his
exact rank, to put new shingles on my
barn, and when our provincial friend,
come to Burlington, lieutenant colonel
will haul their baggage up town for TWEEN
ty-fve cents. Why, if all the captains
in Iowa should die, all the country roads
wouldn't be mended this fall. Why, at
general elections, two-thirds Of the vote
of Iowa is cast by line officers, and the
other third by field officers. a major, IN
deed. would have stood in the rain
week longer to see another princess or a
new governor general, but when | can t
yet into an American street car without
having colonel or captain draw a bell
punch on me and collect my nickel. l
don't care to hunt around up here Tor
majors. Maybe Mr.. - didn't know
that am a colonel myself.
BoUxp TO HAVE BED.-Rev. Dan
iel Isaac was an eccentric itincrant preach
er. He once alighted at an inn to stay
all night. On asking for a bed he was
told he could not have one, as there was
to be a ball that night and all the beds
were engaged.
AT what time does the ball break
up:" inquired Mr.. Isaac.
About three o'clock in the morning,
sir"
"Well, then, can | have bed until
that time"
"Yes, certainly: but II the bed Is asked
for YOU will have to move"
"Very well" replied Mr.. Isaac.
About three o clock in the morning he
was awakened by loud knocking at the
chamber door.
"what do you want he asked.
"How many of YOU are in there" IN
quired voice.
There's me and Daniel and Mr.. Isaac
and an old Methodist preacher, was the
reply.
"Then, by Jupiter, there's plenty Of
youw And the applicant passed on,
leaving Mr.. Isaac to finish his night 5
slumber.
Theodore Hook was walking, in the
days of Warren's blacking, where one
of the emissaries of that shining charac-
ter had written on wall, Try Warren ;
B. but had been frightened from
his propriety and fed. The rest is lack
ing" said the wit.
Careful housewife lifting shoe
Il. .o,.,. ,rho'1 "a