Daily Republican., 1879-05-29
HUMOROUS.


girl, who said to him one morning,
"Oh, if you please, won't you give me
three francs to buy lottery ticket
with 7 Idreamed last night that No.
Al !, IA was going to draw the chief
prize, and | want to buy that number"
He gave the girl the three francs, and
next day, on happening to look at the
report Of the drawing, saw that No.
Al, IA had drawn the chief prize of
eco, 900. Returning quietly to the
house, he concealed his emotion, and
said to the servant-girl, "susan, l have
long observed with appreciation your
piety, beauty, modesty, skill in the art
Of cookery, and other good qualities
to adorn the highest station.
Be mine. Let me lead you to the
hymeneal altar. No delay-just as
you are |" In a few more minutes tho
had been performed, and the
twain were one. They returned to the
house, where the husband carelessly
took up the paper, and said, with a
" start Of surprise,
"Darling, everything is bright for us
on our wedding day. You remember
the ticket in tho lottery which you
dreamed about and gave you three
francs to buy? Where is it ?" "Oh, |
did not buy i'll" answered Susan. 81
spent the mony on this duck Of a bon
net" Tableau!
LOVE REWARDED A contemporary
has this tragedy Of T.'s. The thunder
threatened, the tempest tossed the trees
throwing their trembling trunklets
tepsy-turvey. Tripping towards the
town, Theresa thought, "ro-night
Theodore treads the tiresome thorough
fares, thinking things that" Thud
The terrified truant turned to trace the
threatening turmoil. There towards
the toll-gate tramped Theodore trying
to throttle two thieves. "Take to the
timber, Theresa p thundered Theodore.
"Tell that to timid things" thought
Theresa, treading tiger-like towards the
trio. Then, telling Theodore to throw
the taller thief, Theresa, taking t'other's
tosa, tied through the thickness the
thief's throat. Thus terminated the
terrible trouble that threatened the
twain. They turned triumphantly to
town to tell the tale. Tomorrow ties
them together
DIeN'r LIKE EXPERIMENTAL very
rich old man had married young wife
and died suddenly, on which the wild,
ow raved like maniac, and exclaimed
to the doctor, who stood by the bedside
Of the deceased:
"Oh, I'll not believe that my deal
partner is dead; he could not die and
leave me No! no he's alive,-pm
sure he's alive! Tell me, doctor, don't
pou think sop
"Madam," replied the medical man,
with much gravity, II ceLfess that it is
possible that he may berevived. Twill
apply the galvanic battery.
"Oh, no, no /" cried the grief strick-
en widow. "Hard as it is to bear my
fate, will have no experiment against
the law of nature; lot him rest in
peace.'
A NElGHBoE MISSED corn from his gar
ner, and his suspicious rested upon a
reckless fellow whom everybody called
Sam. The corn was kept in chamber
over the kitchen, adjoining the wood
house, towards which the chamber was
left open and accessible by ladder, Tht
victim of this midnight thetfery," as
another neighbor called it, determined
to satisfy himself concerning the identi
ty of the thief, made a temporary bee
upon the kitchen floor and lay down t.
watch. About the time when church
yards yawn he was aroused from a par
tial slumber by noise overhead, ,whel
he suddenly called out at the top of hi
voice, "Sam ?" Halo ?" responded
the thief entirely off his guard by this
sudden call, "Don't take more than
bushel." "Then shall have to pou
it out, for I've got TIVE in the bag al
ready ?"
Parlor of hnuse in fashionable su
burb; proud parent, who is going ovel
school exercise with promising son
glancing out of window, sees two har
moniums being carried from the from
door of a house on opposite side of tn
street. Proud parent-"See here, Tom
my, what singular affair this is-tw
harmonious being taken from the sam
house ~ Promising son-"That's liz
singular, papa, is it," P: P. Empress
ively)-" Every singular indeed, Ton
Why not?" P. S. (timidly)-"Caus
| thought when there was more tina
Zone it would be plural.
He FIXED HER WITH Hs CLASSY EYE
why do you look at rle so, sir!
He said that he was not aware of hav
ing done 80, but she insisted. 81 be
your pardon, butit's this eye is it no,
lifting his finger to his left optic
"Yes, sir, it's that eye" "Well, m.
dear lady, that eye won't do you an.
harm. It's glass eye, madam-onl,
a glass eye. But Pm not SURPRISED
that even glass eye should feel inter.
ested in 50 pretty woman" The com
pliment delighted her, and she MAI
rled him soen afterwards.
A kind-Aearted listener, KNOWN
that a story-tellinsItriend had an anec
dote to relate connected with Samson
who good naturedly anxious to Civ
him an opportunity of producing it,
No opening appearing in the conversa
tion, the injudicious listener at las
rushed in boldly witk the question
"Was not Samson very strong nan?'
"Not so strong as you, retorted tn
ungrateful friend, "for you have drag
ged him in neck and heels!'
And still the missionary cause wake
stronger. New Bedford has a cleve
young lady worth million of dollars
and of a "rather pious turn of mind
| 49,, L., :, - I, an 4h,t rha UpIJ Ia