Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1879-01-06

The days are getting "short, and how
many people, alas can sympathize with
them.
The world is made up of two classes
those who chew their oysters and those
who swallow them whole.
A kicking COW, says Josh Billings,
never lets drive until just as the pail is
full, and seldom misses the mark; it is
just so with some mems blunders.
A Sunday-schoOl pupil of tender years
being asked how he liked the gentleman
who addressed the school, said "Bs was
funny man. He told abo"' tne hNnu-
writing on the wall ~Id 'ala !, was
.Minn;e MINI, tickle the parson.'
Tb. Iate Mr.. McNab, curator of the
Edinburgh Botanic Garden, was once
taken to see Dubufe's painting of Adam
and Eve and was asked for his opinion.
81 think no great things of the paint"
said the great gardener. "Why man,
Ewes temptin' Adam wi pippin of a
variety that wasna known until about
twenty years ago."
ALFRED ETHELRIDGE MAKES CALL.
MIR. Alfred Ethelridge is bashful; he
does not deny it. He wishes he wasn't.
sometimes, but wishing doesn't seem to
help his case much. Everybody in Bur-
lington likes him, except the father of
young lady out on Pond street. With an
instructive knowledge of this old gentle
mans feelings. Alfred had foreborne to
aggravate them and kept out of the faith
er's way as much as possible, atoning for
this apparent neglect by seeing the
daughter twice as often. The other af-
ternoon, Alfred went up the steps and
rang the bell. The door opened and
papa stood glaring at him, looking a
thousand things and saying nothing.
Alfred Ethelbridge had never felt quite
so lost for language in his life. Present
ly he stood on one foot and remarked +:
''Good afternoon !" "GoOftnoon," grunt-
ed papa, which is by Interpretation, also
good afternoon. Observation-Disclosures
Miss Lillipop-is your daughter at
home ?" asked Alfred. standing on the
other foot. "Yes, SIR" said papa, rath-
er more shortly than Alfred thought was
absolutely necessary. Then nobody said
anything for long time. Presently
Alfred Ethelbridge stood on both feet,
and asked: "Is she in ?" "Yes, sir, u
said papa, not budging step from his
position in the door, and looking as
though he was dealing with book agent
instead of one of the incest young mer
in Burlington. Then Albert Ethelbridgt
stood on his right foot and said doe:
she-can she receive company "Yes
SIR" papa said, savagely, not at all melt
ed by the pleading intonation of Alfred''
voice, which everybody else thought wal
so irresistably sweet. Then Alfred Eth
elbridge stood on his left foot and said
"Is she at home?" "Yes. SIR" pap;
said, kind of coldly. Alfred Ethelbridg,
looked down the street and sighed. ther
he looked up at papa and shivered. TheI
he stood on the right foot again and said
'1s she in ?" "Yes, SIR" papa said
grimly, and never taking his eyes off tn
young mans uneasy face. Alfred Eth
elbridge sighed and looked up the street
then he stood on his left foot and locke,
at papa knees and said timidly and il
tremulous tones: Can she see me {?
"Yes. sir, said papa. but he never NOV
ed, and he never looked pleasant. H
only stood still and repeated secon
time, "Yes, sir" Alfred Ethelbridg
began to feel i'll. He looked up an
down the street and finally pinned hi
wandering gaze to the bald spot on tn
top of papa's head, then he said: "Wi
you please tell her that Mr.. Alfred Eth
elbridge called ?" "Yes, sir, said paps
J and he didn't say anything more. An
somehow or other Alfred Ethelbridg
kind of sort got down off the porch an
went kind of out of the gate like. H
discontinued his visits there. and explain
!. ed to friend that the old man didn
say anything that wasn't all right an
cordial enough, but the manner of hi
. was rather formal Burlington Hoackey