Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1879-11-27
The Babies"

The Babies"
At the banquet OF the Army of the Ten
nessee, a toast was proposed to The Ba-
bles." Mark Twain responded a follows
The bables."-As they comfort US In
our sorrow, let Us not forget them in our
festivities. (Laughter) | ike that. We
haven't all had the good fortune to be la
dies. [Laughter.) We haven't all been
generals or poets or statesmen. But when
toasts work down to babies, We stand on
Common ground, tor we have all been
there; we have all been babies. daughter r
and applause X u a shame that for
thousands Of years The worlds banqnets
have utterly ignored the baby rs II he
didn't amount 10 anything. lfyou gentle
men will stop and think a minute; II YOU
Will go back nifty or one hundred years To
your early married life laughter and
contemplate YOUR first baby. you will re-
member that he amounted 10 a good deal
and even something over. \ ou soldiers.
you all know when that little fellow ar
rived al family headquarters, you had to
hand in yonr resignation. daughter
lie took entire command. You became
his IacAey his mere body yscrvant. and YOU
had TO stand around, too. lie was not a
commander who made allowances for
time. distance, weather or anything else.
You had to execute his order whether IL
was possible or not. (lsughter) and there
was only one form Of marching In his man
ual OF tactics, and that doube-quick. He
treated you with every sort OF insolcGce
and dl>rcspect, and the bravest OF you
didn't dsrs TO say a word. You could face
the drath-,torm OF Donaldson and VIck,-
4 "a f,r In
plausc); but when he cIawed your whi-k
err, aud pulled your hair and twisted your
nose YOU h,j to take Il. Laughter )
When the thunders of war were sounding
IN your ears you set your face toward bat
tcries and advanced with steady tread; 5ul
when ne turned on the terrors OF his war
whoops you advanced in another direction
tlaugbter) aud mighty glad Of the chance
too. When he called for soothing syrup,
did you venture 70 throw out any side re-
marx, about certain service being unbc-
coming al officer and gentleman
daughter No, you got up and got 1t.
II he ordered his pap-bottle did you talk
bick2 No. you went TO work and warmed
il. You even descended SO far in your
menial office a. 10 take sup az that warm,
insjpld stun yourself 10 see If it WAS right,
three parts water 10 one OF milk, touch
OF sugar 10 modify the collie and drop o
peppermint to NH the Immortal hcc.ugh
| can taste it yet. Roars OF iaughter.)
Aud how many things you learned a.
you Went along. Sentimental young folks
still take stock In that beautiful old say
my, that when the baby smiles ln his sleep
il is because angels are whispering to him
Very pretty, but too thin. daughter.
Simply wind on the stomach. Ny friends
, k.l, -, s.k. all
his usual hour, 30 in the morning
didn't you rise up promptly aud remark
with a mental addition which wouldn't Inn
prove the Sunday School book much. tina,
it was the very thing you were about to
propose yourself? U,oars) Oh, yes, you
were under good discipline, and as you
went hu,teriug up and down the room iu
your uudress uniform, you not only pratt
tied uud!gnlti"d baby talk, but you tuned
up your martial voice and tried 10 sing
Rock u by baby, In the tree top for in-
stance. hat Il spectacle for the Army Oi
The Tennessee, (ToaTs OF laughter and
what an afiictiou tor the neighbOrs, TOO !
For il Isn't every body within mile around
that likes military music at 3 O'Clock in the
morning, and when you had been keeping
this sort OF thing up two or three hours y.
your little velvet had intimated that n"lL-
ing suited him like exercise and noise,
what did you sayl You simply went on
I'll you dropped in the last ditch. (Greal
laughter) The idea that q baby don't
amount 10 anything Why, one baby Is
just house and front yard by itself. II
one baby can't furnish more business than
you and your whole interior department
can attend TO, he is not erprising IT.
repressible, brimiul OF lawless activity, do
what yon please. you cant make hlm stay
on his reservation. (Prolou.ed laughter,
Sufficient unto the day i one baby. A.
long a. you are 10 your right mind, don't
you ever pray Tor twins. Yes, il was high
time Tor the toa,tma,ter 10 recog nize the
Importance OF babies. Think what Is IN
store Tor the present crop.
Fifty years hence We shall all be dead.
trust. and then this fiag. II 1t still survives,
aud let us hope II may. will be floating
over republic numbering 200 900, coo.
According to the settled laws OF Increase,
our present schooner OF State will have
grown ivko a political levisttan Grest Eas-
tern, aud the cradled babies OF to-day will
be on deck. Let them be well trained, for
We are going to leave n big contract oa
their hands. (ApplsuseN Among the
three ~ four million cradles now rocking
IA this land are some which the nation