Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-03-14
A Model Wife.
Cincinnati Times

u MVue Wttc.
Cincinnati Times,
When the peddier rang Mr.. Birds
doorbell the other day, MIR, Bird him.
self opened the door, Mr.. Bird had the
baby Upon his arm, and there
were four other children at his heels,
lis the lady of the house ias" asked
hepeddler.
Certainly she ISN'T" replied Bird,
She is out. She is perennially and
eternally outm
"Where can see herr
"Wlly, 50 down to the Woman Suf-
frage club-room; and il she isn't there,
50 10 the Society .or the Prevention ut
Cruelty TO Animals; and il she isn't
there, visit the hall Of the Association
for Alternating the MiserieS Of the Sene-
gamhians; and if she has finished up
there. look for her at the Church Aid
Society, or at the Ninth Ward soup
house, OF tue Home of the One Legged,
or al tho Refuge for m6rm Dogs, or nj
the Hospital for the Asthmatic. or the
81, rolycarp Orphan Asylum, or at some
Of those places. Ii you got on her
track, you'll see moro paupor and
strong. minded women and undercloth.
ing for the heather than you ever saw
III the whole course of your life
81 wanted to sell her y cold.handled
tlatron, Just out, Do you think she will
buy oncS'
"She will il you can prove that the
naked cannibalS in Sengambia are
yearning for old.handled tlatirons She
would buy diamond hreast-pins for those
nigyes, If they wanted them, | be-
heve."
IL intended, also, to offer her u new
kind OF immevahle hairpin, which
"All right You just 70 down to the
Home for the Oneleggcd, and per
suade those cgipples to cry for immov-
able hair-pms, and she'll order en- by
the ton"
elias she any children"
well; I'm tho one that appears 10
have 'em; Just now, anyhow
because ! have 4 gum-top for feed
ing bottle that is the incest thing you
ever saw.
Now" said MIR. Bird, "l'll tell YOU
WIN W wv. ibu XIV lNtilNAN w
swear they can't eat the soup they Sc,
at the soup.house with spoons; they
must have it from hotties with rub
Der mu2zle, and Mrs. Bird will keep
you so busy supplying tho demand that
you won't have chance to sleep, You
just try it, Buy up the paupcrsl Bribo
EN-"
How'll know her ii see hor?'
"Why she'sa very large woman with
bent nose, and she talks all the time
You'll hear her talking rs you got with
in n milo of her, She'll ask You TO
subscribe to the Senegambian fund and
to the Asthmatic Asylum, before you
can get your breath. Probably sho'll
read you four or five letters from re-
! formed caunihals. But don't YOU mind
EN-. My opinion is she wrote ON her
self. II don't make any difference, but
YOU might mention that since she lcll
homo the baby has had -four fits,
Johnny has fallen out of the pear.troo
and cracked his skull. Mary and jim
have something like Group, and Tommy
has been bitten by Jones dog. 1t don't
excite her. She won't care n cent, hut
I'd like To have the latest news. Tell
her if she can manage TO drop III here
for minute between now and the
Fourth Of July she might maybe wash
the baby and give tho other children a
chance - remt lber how she looks
But she media inc IL il will interfere
with the i. ,ss of tho ono-loggcd
mendicants, make her asthmatic
patients misera .. Mind and mention
1t to her now, viii your
81 will"
"All right; then I'll go in and put
some fresh sticking plaster on Johnny's
skull"
And with baby's singing vociferous
solo, and the other children clinging TO
his log, Mr.. Bird reiterated and shut tho
door. The poddler had determined TO
propose 20 n girl that night He chang
ed his mind, and resolved TO remain n
bachelor.