Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-07-11
HumOr OF the Press.


ravaging the bush.
An anonymous article-a baby before
| it's ehristened.
Dogs appreciate good care. If not
kept clean, they will flea the house.
Mumps are plural, yet they often look
singular Waterloo Observer.
Brass passes for gold in Africa, and,
by the way, it does here, too.-Bu6alo
Express
A pen may be driven, but the pencil
does best when il is lead-BoSton Tran
script.
The Egyptian lnuddle was bad one,
but they have found way Tewtiks it.
Boston Post.
Colorado is a young State; but she is
unrivaled for her big bugs.-Phiiadelphia
Bulletin
The Utica Observer thinks that the elop-
ing young lady of the period is the lilly
of the valet.
A goat always begins sentence with
But" And sometimes stops one with
it.-NoristoaOH Herald.
How naturally the defeated oarsman
forks over the stakes after rowing on
the Tyne.-New York Ne,cs.
1t is the stone-bruise on his heel that
makes the small boy tip-toe along so
gracefully.-New Hayen Register.
1t must be very warm weather that
will take the corn starch out of festival
ice-cream.-Nep Orleans Picay,ne.
"Hiram Green" advises that age
improves al wines, except the whine Of
mankind.
Puck says that man learning to
play the cornet interests all his neigh
bors-ia horn.
Motto for dyer's establishment
M0ritaui Sdlutat,tm: We who are about
to dye salute you.
| The man who was tossed over the
back of an irate bull was reported as
not dead, but only gone beef DER.
When a woman promenades the
street leading dog it looks as If she
couldn't get anything else on q string.
The papers are printing a recipe ito
make an apple tart" But we don't
think it improves an apple to make it
tart.-Meritten Recorder.
A smart uptown boy lately informed
his grandfather that he didn't like to
hear him joke. Its bad-in-age," he
exclaimed.-Chuland Voice.
A gentleman who had been struck by
the young lady's beauty VIZ determined
to follow the injunction I'D "kiss the
rod that smote him."
Ar up country church society offers
a reward for the arrest of the person
who surrepttiously introduced hornets
nest into grabbing. -Bost0n Post.
~ press my suit" the young man cried,
/ In tones too sweet to tell;
And she pressed his suit with her curly head,
SteubeasriHe Hero ID
John b. Cough, in lecture in En-
gland, referring to the question whether
alcohol was a food or a medicine, re-
marked that in his opinion it was ''very
much like sitting down on a hornets
nest-stimulatlng, but not nourishing."
A young man the other day got mar
ried against the wishes of his parents,
and requesting friend to break it to
them, said "Tell them am dead, old
fellow, and gently work them up to the
climax"
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald in
forms us that down Mt the seashore the
little fishes are dying with laughter at
the sight Of Il 300.pound woman trying
to lock graceful when a strong breaker
lands her on her head.
Mrs Flintgristle says she never could
believe the story about Joshua making
the son stand still. If the boy is any
thing like her son Henry, all the COM
handing that could be done from
morning till night wouldn't keep him
still. He's perfect tee.to-tum, is her
Henry-BoStoa Transcript
Little Harry s., of five summers, who
had been exalted from girls TO boys
habliliments, recently appeared at school
arrayed in the former, when the teach
er kindly remarked. children, l hope
that none of you will tease Harry, nor
speak of his dress, as his mother has
sent him III it to punish him for being
naughty, and he feels mortified and
sorry" Thereupon Master Harry
quickly mounted his seat repudiating
the teachers kind protection, extended
his clenched fist and harangued his
class thus: III any girl says anything
about it, I'll say nothing; but ifany boy
does, III knock his head off, and the
fire of his eyes bespoke his self
reliance. Boston Transcript.
The baby rolls upon the floor
Kicks up his tiny feet,
And pokes his toes into his mouth
Thus making both ends meet.
The dog attached to tin pail.
Goes bowling Gown the street,
And, as he madly bites his tail
He maketh both ends meet.
The butcher Stays the pensYe pig,
Cuts OF his ears and feet,
And grinds them in a sausage big
Thus making both ends meet.
The farmer coops his skinny hens,
And feeds them with choice wheat:
The means must justify the endS,
And 20 he make. them eat.
-HdckenSdck Republican.
Twas 4 black-aud-tan dog on the NJ and i
track,
And NJ thought Of danger had he,
~ ne sat there and gazed on the landscape
around,
aud scratched ali occasional flea.
"TRents-folT' was the engine-remorseles AZ
tate
With the engineers hand on the lever,
Came down d that doc like a tramn on Il