Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

VI III inc Hest
WIT AND HUMOR.
A LITTLE lover may be man of great
signs, nevertheless.
SAID newly-made widower, gravely,
II am satisfied that she took a sudden
| cold"
@SK in four, you can't" as the shoe
maker mildly suggested to lady GUS
| toner.
SECURED seats-Those which are
| firmly screwed to the floor of an audi
| forum.
"ABoUT the greatest tail-bearer I
know" said the farmers boy, els our
old peacock"
'MY pleasure is two-fold," said
heartless young man who was counting
two girls at once Two fooled, he
meant.
TT IL the little bits of things that
fret and worry u.s." said Josh Billings;
I'VE kan dodge an elephant, but we
kant fly"
'THE priests STOLE" be began. But
she interrupted him. Said she: "What
was it the priests stole?" He said he
supposed they stole their stoles.
AsToS1sHED parent: "Why, Jna1iioJ5!
carrying chips in your hat?" Charley
displaying his summer tle): "Never
mind, mamma; it's my chip-hat."
II An astonished, my dear young
lady, at your sentiments-you make ne
start!" swell, sir, I've been waiting
for you to start for the last hour"
WIEN hungry, cold, and "busted"
too, nor gold nor silver can he borrow,
what legend bursts upon his view?
Ills "Pay to-day, and trust tomorrow"
A CORRESPONDENT asks us to give
him the amount of the public debt
We would do it in a minute, but We
left our pocket-book home in our other
pants.
'FH! Mollie," quoth Reuben to
Mary; cts pity We two can't agree"
"'F1e, Mollie, is good, sir" she an
swered; "but you'll find you can't Mol
ie-fe me-"
We have long known what is meant
by the center Of gravity; but we confess
to having just discovered that hand
some and fragrant bouquet is the scenter
OF attraction.
II an actor is DESTROYS of appearing
in several pieces" in one evening.
let him smoke cigar in a nitro
glycerine factory. He will bring down
the house, too.
Il TOLD her I'd never smoke another
cigar" he said, softly, land I won't. A
pipes plenty good enough for me-" and
he gracefully drew match over the leg
of his trousers.
THERE is said to be a rage in Paris
for old buttons. In this country We are
not so particular. When the head of
the family goes to put on clean shirt
Sunday morning, the rage is for any
kind of buttons.
ONE of the brightest little sons re-
siding on James street hill saw his
father fixing the billiard-table with
spirit-level. After the old man had
finished the table, he remarked:
Now, pa, see ii my heads level
! Syracuse Standard.
The Haverhiu (Aass.) postofice re-
ceived letter postmarked San Der.
nardino, Cal, addressed to "The Old
Maids, Haverhill, Mass" It contained
an offer of marriage from wealthy old
bachelor to any widow or Gid maid be
tween 20 and 40 who answered the let
ter first. The replies are numerous.
THE DIsCoSsoLATE LOVER.
I've letter from thy sire.
| Mary Ann Mar: Ann:
| And he's just l.sd As FIRE,
| Mary Ann. Mary m.
And he Sd! if come higher
| Tina: he'll raise ten times higher
Than the German Methodist sp:re
Mary Ann. AarE Am.
II to win ties aspire.
Mary Ann.
Oh. dread to see bis fa-hace.
| Mary Ann. Mary Ann:
For 1 know he'll give me a cha-hase,
| Mary Ann Mary snn!
| He Will Es1Z me- round the room
| He viii fan ne with the broom;
| Yes safely nay assume,
| Mary Ann Mary AM,
| Iazt hei fire me out Of the roo-hnom
| MARY Ami
| I'm so scared carnot sIee-hsep.
| Mary Ann. Mary Ann:
| For I'm struck al Of = hee-heap
| AAry Ann. Mary SIM.
| He is coming zitsr NE.
| Blood in both his eyes sA
Oh. wherever shzuI seehee,
Mary Ann, Mary Ann:
He VIII make It hot 70, ne-he
Mary Ana!
| jog PEsTz took rife to his we'd
ding, at Marks Gap, Texas. The seq
ton tried to persuade him to leave it at
the door on entering the church, but
he persisted in carrying it across his
shoulder as he walked with his bride I'D
to the altar rail His explanation vas
that rival sutton had threatened to
Kill hin on this occasion. and he meant
to be prepared for defense.
BE had an auburn haired girl. and
promised to take her out riding. She
met him at the door when he drove up,
and he exclaimed, .'He1lo! Ready"
She misunderstood him, and they don't
speak low. Thus slang makes another
slap at loves young dream"
death of prelate," wrote the edi-
tor of the Winnipeg Times in announc-
ing the end of Bishops life, but the
compassion made it death of Pr
rate and all the mirthful press of
Manitoba held their hips with laugh
ter.
TIE heading of the Greeley (Col)
Tribune is an exact smile of Horace
Greeleys handwriting. No other paper
that we know of In the Union flourish
es fist for q head.
A YOUNG man went into restaurant
the other day, and, remarHng that s&time
is money" added that, as he had half
an honr to spare, if the proprietor was
wiling he'd take it out in pie.
| SIZE What age do you think I en-?
He gallant - don't know but you
don't look il"