Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1879-05-08
WIT AND XLMOR.

the fellow beat a hasty retreat ?
When 10 water most likely to ss-
cape? When it is only half tied.
Birds are not noted for courage, but
many Of them die game.
When foes man smoke cigar too
long? When he smokes it too
short.
The lady who wears the costliest
stockings crosses the street most.
This is the time Of year when one
half Of the world borrows a spade
from the other.
a young man who has tried it sug-
gests that before you pop the quss-
ton t'sJust as we'll to question the
pop.
Jones was helping his fellow board
ers to finish spring chicken. AN
other centenarlan gone, said he.
The great essentials to human hap
piness are something to work for.
something to hope tor and something
to love.
Spriggins says he cnce prevented
severe case of hydrophohia by getting
on high fence and waiting there till
the dog got by,
The difference between honor and
discretion is that hohor tells you not
to hit man when he's down, and
discretion warns you to be careful
about hitting man when he isn't
down.
a thrifty farmer took his boy to
the doctor. II you can cure him for
iess than the funeral expenses, said
he, go ahead but if you can not,
sonny will have to take his chances.
An illiterats farmer wishing to en-
ter some animals at an agricultural
exhibition, wrote as follows to the
secretary of the society; Enter me
me also for a jackass, and he took
the prize.
When a countryman read that the
| Bank of England had raised the
price of eagles one farthing, be want
ed to know if the bank was in ths
poultry business.
Speak gently, speak genslv no
matter how much bigger and how
much broader across the shoulders
than Yourself the ether man is, nor
how cross ne looks, speak gently
The bigger and broader and crosssr
the Sentler.
A clergyman at an after noon SER
vice was asked to read notice for
woman rights lecture, which he did
in this wise AT half-past six o'clock
At the school. house, ir the First Dis
trict, hen will attempt to crow
The question has been asked, why
it is considered impolite for gentle
man to 90 into the presence of ladies
in their shirt aleeyes, while it is con-
sidered in every way correct for ladies'
themselves to appear before gentle
men without any sleeves at all ?
4 never shot bird in my life,
SAID fellow to his friend, who re-
piled For my part, never shot
anything in the shape Of bird ex-
cept squirrel, which killed with q
stone, when it fell into the river aud
was drowned.
The young lady who gave the nit.
ten to the young man who wouldn't
90 in the house where it Was comfort
able, but persisted in keeping her at
the front gate, now refers to him as
one OF her cast off CATERS.
A boy com planned to his father that
Bill had thrown the Bible at him,
and hurt him on he head, the father
replied Well, you are only men,
Der of my family on whom the bible
ever made the least impression.
On a recent trip to one of the steam
ers running to San Francisco, bread
was served at dinner one day which
tasted strongly Of coal oil. The cap
tain afterward asked the baker if he
did not know that kerosene had got
into the hour. He admitted that he
did. why didn't you feed the flour
to the chickens, tlren !? was asked,
oh, lie replied, 1 vas afraid it wou|a
kill 'cm.