Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-08-29
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About week ago some young ladies'
got up party to go on moonlight ex-
cursion. The night finally arrived, and
the moon flooded field and river with
glow of pearly richness. When the party
was ready to leave the house which had
been appointed as the rendezvous, it was
noticed that one of the most charming
Young ladies ofsthe coterie had a shawl on.
"What's the matter. Lucy?" inquired one
young lady. fare you afraid of taking
cold?" sNo, no!'' she replied. ''The
thermometer is up at So. You'll roast if
you wear that shawl 81 am willing to
roast" she answered rather pettishly.
ssDon't you know why she wears that
shawl?" laughed her little brother. as he
wiped some taffy off his mouth with his
Jacket sleeve. .'You keep still, you, John
Henry,n screamed the dear angel, as she
turned trife red: The boy then got out
Of reach and yelled, "I'l tell you why she
wears that shawl. When she gets out On
the river Bob puts his arm under. it and
hugs her. and nobody can see through the
game"
A teacher in one of the Westfeld public
schools was startled the other day at the
answer she got from one bright littisNSel
low. On the blackboard was the pictEse
of an ostrich, and the teacher described itN
great strength and power of endurance,
closing by saying it was the only bird
upon which man could ride.. ~ know
another, spoke up little chap. swell.
what's it?' GA lark. = Unsuspectingly
the teacher asked, How can you prove
that, Johnny?'' ssAll that I know about
it, said the boy, sis that mother every
little while says fathers off on lark, and
when he comes back he looks as if be had
rode awful FAST"
"Phairest Phlora,'' wrote an amorous
youth who is smitten with the phonetic
craze, ssphorever dismiss your phears and
phly with one whose phervant phancy is
phixed on you alone. Phriends, phamily,
phather-phorget them and think only of
the phelicity of the phuture Phew phel-
lows are phastidious as your Pherdinand;
SO pheign not phondness if you pheel it
not. Phorego phrolic, and answer phinal
ly, Pholora." "Oh, Pherdinand, you
phool ~ was phair Phlora curt reply.
In an out-of-the way town in New
Hampshire lives an eccentric old farmer
who found his cellar steps hard to climb
on account of the height of the steps. AT
ter careful consideration he hit upon the
device Of mailing piece Of two-inch
plank on each in order, as he said. "t0
bring 'em nearer together" and contend
ed that he noticed s'a leetle fetch of i'm
provement." . 3' =. =.
A Medford individual was sauntering
home the other night, near the three
church clocks of that classic village. Sud-
denly the voice of time sounded in his
tympanum and went on with regular
strokes until Che three clocks had followed
each other in succession. Bracing himself
no defantly, he CALCULATED: s'Thirty six
O'Clock Keep on. I've been out later
than that" aAf
A clergyman in New Orleans was agree
ably surprised to find plump turkey
served up for his dinner, and inquired OF
his servant how it was obtained. "Why
sir, replied Sambc, 'sdat turkey has been
roosting on our. fence tree nights; so dis
morning r seize him for de rent OBJ de
fence"
It was just the meanest thing in the
world for the Philadelphia girl, who had
been out promenading with her beau to
stain her lips and mouth, on her return.
with red ink, and, then to set the. half-dOZ-
en- girls in the house dying with envy by
the statement that she had been eating
strawberries while out, e
He told the editor that he had read proof
for twenty years, and obtained situation.
When he spelled introduction with a big
ssI'' and with SIX, !" and Jehovah with a
little ssg.'' the editor dipped him in the ink
barrel, wrung him out between the rollers
of the press, and hung him out in the al
ley to dry.
Young ladies who wish to have small
mouths are advised to repeat this at fire.
Quent intervals during the day.. "Fanny
Finch fried five floundering frogs for
Francis Fowler's father"
"What soup is this waiter?'' asked the
diner. Cox tail. - responded the napkined
knight. "All right, " said the hungry one,
pushing away the dinner roll, 'snow let's
have the bread stale.'
A cubic foot of alcohol weighs 79e
ounces, while the same quantity of water
weighs 1000 ounces. Alcohol being the
Fighter it flies to the head. Cut this out
and paste it on your thumb nail.
A bachelor cynic remarks that it is
singular how early in life child gains the
reputation of resembling the richest and
best looking of his relatives.
A sea voyage is good remedy for hard
times. A few hours from shore and it
will seem to you that everything is com.
ingup.