The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-08-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

REvENUE-oUTTER officials are those
who go down to seize in ships.
ISN'T it queer that man can see
nothing when he can't see anything?
MANY horse goes out in driving
rein, and comes back without wetting a
hair. ...
TEMPERANCE reformers should turn
their attention to money-it is always
tight. ..r.,.-.. =.
BETTER bare feet and contentment
Herewith than patent-leather boots and
corn on each toe.
How Is it that the summer always
goes so quickly? Because there is often
an evening mist.
THERE is reason to believe that there
is quite large an amount of craft on
land as on water.
HAMPTON thinks "The man who white
washes ceilings is in sublime business"
This is kiln joke.
IT requires about as long to get girl
well out of her Goth year as for horse
to get beyond IS years old this spring"
The fellow who dropped into a chair
containing tack has been uneasy ever
since, and now sits down on the INSTALL
ment plan.
ONE of the advantages of rest at
the seashore is the fact that you have
to pay the highest price for the mean
est whisky.
IT is doubtless extremely polite of
Uncle Sam to telegraph in advance the
"storm centers" he sends to Britain.
But Britannia doesn't want any storm
sent her.
The chap who sat down on the side
walk last winter and mathematical the
ice now afectionately shakes it up in
his cocktail and wonders how mankind
could get along without good ice crop.
He never believed in mystic num-
bers and had no opinion of the figure
three, but when he had drank three
glasses of different kinds of spirit, ate
three cucumbers, and had three doctors
all within three hours, he was willing to
swear the figure three was perfect gi-
raffe among numbers. He had met the
enemy and was his.-Nora0ich Ba.l-
letin.
OUR inventor is at work getting out
100000 of fancy cards bearing the
words, "You can just bet your sweet
life it u.s." They are intended to be
worn on the lapel of the coats of all
men in the United States in answer
to the query, as it warm enough for
you?" They will meets long-felt want,
and ought to have tremendous SALE
Wheeli1og Sunday Leader.
A WOMAN wanted to remove tree
from her lot in cemetery at Spring
field, Mass, to make room for a monu-
ment, but the authorities refused per-
mission. She went home and prayed
that the Lord would take the tree away,
and within few hours tornado blew
it over. The same wind did great dam
age throughout Massachusetts,, and
killed many persons, yet the woman
firmly believes it was sent in answer to
her prayer.
WHILE the postal-route agent on the
Boston and Providence railroad was as
sorting the mail the other day, he was
horror-struck at the following address
on postal card: "Mr. James Burns,
alias John NJ. Finn, in care of Mike
Duffy, or his sister Lizzie Duffy, or her
cousin Moll cCarty, corner of Cross
street and Jerry Ragan's hill, North
Main street, Taunton, Mass, wholesale
fish peddler and tin-horn artist. If not
there, elsewhere"
THERE was time when the standard
of smoking tobacco was maintained,
even after the brand became popular;
but those days have gone by. When a
new kind comes out now it is splendid
it is actually pure, and is advertised
on fences and rocks and in patent med
icine almanacs. Every one rushes for
it, and all acknowledge its fine flavor. It
is at this time that the manufacturers
begin to work hay into it, so that you
can either smoke it yourself or feed it
to your horse, as you desire.-Bostoaa
Courier.
THAT'S MY SISTER"
Maiden with the ripping hair,
Laughing eyes and tripping feet,
VAST for you smiled so sweet
When passed you on the stair?
Do cause the tell-tale blush
Which o'ercrimsons all your cheek,
And which silent yet doth speak
Thoughts which glow like sunset flush?
Do cause-confound my glassesl
Quick, good usher, else I've missed her!
"There's the lady, there she passes!"
No, man, hang it!-that's my sister!
Yale Record.