Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1879-04-04
MISHAPs OF A NIGHT.
Til. Colonel Bothered About Getting
Inin His Own House.


Into His Own House.
An old and we'll known citizen oil
Newport, whom we will designate as the
colonel. saws the Cincinnati Saturday
Niqltt, had a series of mishaps the other
night on account Of IN obstinate and ir-
reclaimable door-latch which were very
distressing. Returning with his wife
from party at about midnight, he
found that for some inexplicaple reason
his pass key would not unlock the door.
TO add to his perplexity three of his
dogs that bad been locked in the house
rushed to the hall door and set up the
most furious barking, under the thin
pretense Of installing their master for
q burglar. Sly dogs: they knew better,
no doubt, but wanted to get credit for
zeal in protecting the house from bur-
glars. The colonel says, had real bur
glars assailed the domiciIe, the dogs
would probably have jumped through II
window and flew for their lives.
He Gumbled away Mt the door for
some time, nov blessing the lock, and
again launching imprecations mt the
dogs "Confound this key--shut up,
you whelpsl--wish the man who put on
this lock had To swallow--tho dogs!--
I'll break the head Of that locksmith--
dry up, or III shoot every son Of ~ gun
OF you"
The colonel's wife interposed, and re-
minded him that swearing wouldn't
make the matter any better, adding
that the neighbors would surely hear
him, ~ several had raised their win
dows in the vicinity already. a truce
was called, and council of war held.
His wife said she could get in il back
window If she could gain the roof Of
the kitchen, and the colonel set TO work
erecting u staging under the caves. This
was constructed Of empty barrels and
boxes, surmountod by n tin boiler. On
this precarious structure they mount
ed, but Just ~ he succeeded in helping
her onto the roof tho platform gave
way and the colonel was sprawed on
the ground the dogs, who had found
their way into the kitchen, redoubling
their up-oar and hurting themselves
against the kitchen door in the most
reckless manner. This action on the
part Of the dogs made tho colonel mad
der than anything else, for once when II
burglar really made m attempt to
break into the house, every dog he had
ran and hid in tho cellar. This newly
developed zonl in defense Of the castle
was quite overdonc.
Another dilemma arose. His wife
found that sho was unable to open the
window and she wanted To get down,
but the barrels md boxes Ivy which she
had mounted were crushed under the
colonols weight and were not again
available. "Stny whore you nre," cried
the colonel, "and ! will 30 and fetch II
ladder"
There was an cngine-houso couple
Of squares away, md going there he
borrowed u ladder, when diyesting him
self of cont and vest, for boinga fat man
he WIS porspiring freely from his efforts,
he shouldcrcd the lnddor aud started
back. On the way no met most Of the
people who had been nj the party, and
they recognizing tho colonel wondered
what strange freak hnd seized him that
he should be Juggling n ladder along the
street in that queer attire. Somc--for
there arc unehnritabc people, always
chuckled md said they reokoned the
colonel had taken too much Of their
hosts wine. But il was no timo for him
to stop for nm explanation. Arrived nj
the house he planted the ladder Mt the
front and started To climb up to the
second story window just M he had
reached the window his two daughters
arrived from the party with their os-
corts, and not recognizing the stout man
in his shirt sleeves M their mther, but
surprising him to DO II burglar, they
sent up u simultaneous scream, while
their boaux yelled for tho police. The
dogs turned in and did their bosl too and
in momontary lnll u woman's voice
might have boon heard calling for help
from the bnok roof.
The colonel mnde himself known Mt
length and tho situation was explained
He laughs when ho relate, this singular
combination ofuntoward circumstances
now, but he didn't see any fun Mt the
time.