Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-11-26
FUNNYGRAPHs.

for deer life.
The butterfly is always sure of his
grub.-N, q. Picayune.
PEOPLE who give tone to society
rarely give anything else.
The man whose head was turned does
not know who to lathe blame to.
It's strapping fellow who's able to
hold his hone in this barber-us world
~ I. News.
DON'T buy thermometers now. They
will lower after a while.-Phaadelph,a
Chronicle Herald.
AN Iowa farmer fred vt q quail and
shot tramp. What Iowa wants is more
quail.-Boston Post.
Ii is wise man who can accurately
name all the ingredients in the sausage
he eats.-PhiIa. Chronicle.
THE weather is so warm in New York
that one OF the papers speaks of a
roasted chestnut man.
In asking man to settle his bill, the
thing Is mo sooner said than dun."-
Cincinnati Commercial.
How rapidly a man loses all interest
In politics and national finance when he
shuts the door on his own thumb.
A DOG frequently worries q cat, but
man, who is nobler than, the dog, worries
himself.-NeD York Commercial Adyer-
tiger,
SMITH wants to know what good the
new French cable is going to be to peo-
pie who don't understand French
Syracuse Herald.
BUSINESS men who are in and out of
the bright sunshine all day should try
and carry a little of it home with them
at night.-Neao Orleans Picayune.
"IF should put on green glasses and
view this class, would [ not be deceived
in their appearance w Well-no, I
don't think you would" Psincetonsan.
WOMANKIND is like cider-sweet
when first squeezed, but growing more
vinegar-like after lying around a few
years.-New Hauer Register.
IT must have been slippery weather
when the prodigal son returned, as it is
recorded that the old man fell on his
neck"
THERE was young fellow named Knox,
VINO concluded to gamble In stocks;
And In twehty-fOur hours
he swore, IS BY the powers .s
III eiau 70 escape Win IL y sOckslp
A GRANGER who recently bought a ton
of coal of a Bangor dealer has returned
it, complaining that it didn't burn well,
and saying he guessed he would try some
fresh.
AN urchin, who had begged penny of
an old topper in vain, rewarded him with
this advice: "Don'tyou carry that nose
of your'n near to no powder fact'ry or
they might play the hose onto yer"
DISTURBED parent and his year-old-
"See here, sonny; what did your moth
er tell your "She told me not to
jump" " What makes you Jump, thenT
[ didn't hear her."
PUPIL-"I know how many days
days there are in year-364f." Pa
rent-"Is that SO? Where does that
fourth come in?" Pupil" Fourth of
July. Rome Sentinel
CHOW, will you admit you are lick
ed?" yelled the upper man in a street
fight. ono, sir" replied the under
chap; 81 amt licked, but-Pm salts
fed"
HOUsFKEEPERs may be glad to know
that jelly covered with pulverized sugar
will keep, without mould, if it is set
away on a small shelf where small bows
cannot get at it.
STANDING BEAR"-said an old lady,
reading about the wrongs of the Poncas
=" why, how dreadful! poor fellow! I
suppose these rascally agents have stolen
all his Clothes"
A NEW memoir of Lord Beaconsfeld,
just out in England, bears this motto
from Artemus Ward: "He asked me
what was my prinserpuls, I amt got
emmy said, not a prinserpul; Pm in
the show bizness.
A WISCONSIN, man has expecsorated
an umbrella tip he swallowed in 1874"
or 80 an exchange tell us. This
proves conclusively that even swallowing
an umbrella won't keep it in the family.
Puck
How ready some men sre to go to lawi
50 empty a thing as banana skin has
caused many one to bring his suit
against the pavement. And what did
he recover? Not even his equanimity.
Boston Transcript.
TELLER spoke disrespectful to my
sister, said he'd bet she was cross eyed
an [ sailed in" +" Is your sister cross
eyed7' the reporter inquired. "Hain'
got no sister, was the reply. at ws
the principle of the thing what I &c
licked for"
clothes line is harmless thing,
When stretched from pole to pole;
Until you start across the yard
And step into a hole.
Then, as y, u make forward lunge
1t stops you, 80 to speak,
And throws you down and Jerks You to
The middle of neck's tweak.
Reokuk Gate Ctr
The boy who doesn't leap over seYe
hitching posts, kick lame dog, snatc
a handful of navy beans in front {
every grocery store, knock over boxt
two and work the handle of every pun
On the sidewalk on his way home fror
school, is either lazy or doesn't feel wei
-Keokuk Gate City.
All, lips of womani-rosy, ripe
The amber mouthpiece Of my pipe
To me is twice as charming,
When one arrives at fifty odd,
The arrows of the archer god
uovo 1Oo<t hoir 1t