South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-07-04
WIT AND HUI MO *.


place" and, as it seemed to. him.. were
put there to get the benefit Of the SOL
emn ceremony. So, scarcely waiting for
the "Amen," he held out his own plate
in both hands, saying, please, papa,
pray on my plate, too
Il walked the floor all night with the
toothache," said he, to which his unfeel.
ing listener replied "You didn't expect
to walk the ceiling with it, did you ?"
Mamma" said wicked youngster,
IAN l your canoe ?'' "No. nv child.
why do you ask ?" "Oh, because you
always say you like to see people paddle
their own canoes and didn't know but
may be l was yours" The boy went
out Of the Door with more reference 70
speed than grace
They are so precocious in the neigh
borhood of Worcester, Massachusetts,
MY little seven year old GIRL" writes
friend, "was in the sitting room alone
with her uncle, and dreamily looking
from the window. Without turning her
head, she said, "Uncie Horace, eight and
seven make fifteen, don't they He re-
piled that she was right. "Then," said
she in half soliloquy, at is only eight
years before / shall have y beau, and,
oh DREAD Ir."-uarpcr's Magazine.
An hish woman called at her grocer's
the other day and asked for n quart of
vinegar. 1t was measured out, and she
put 1T III gallon jug. She then aske d
for another quart to put in the same YES
sci. And why not ask for half gal
Ion and have done with it ?" impatient
ly asked the grocer, "Och bliss yer 1T
tie sowl, isn't it for two that I want it. ,
a little boy came to his mother recent
ly and said Mamma, | should think
that If | was made of dust, would get
muddy inside when drink"
How long will it be before YOU get
this work done ?" said lady to an APP
prentice who was painting her house on
Third street well, l don't know,
maam," said he-"The boss has lust
gone to look for another Job. If he gets
II, lii DO done tomorrow but If he
don't, I'm 'frail it'll take me all next
week"
Marriage" says cynic, els like
putting your hand into bag containing
ninety nine snakes and one eel. You
may get the eel, but the chances are a.
gainst YOU"
The fair Sex in Guernsey are not to
be tritled with AT fancy dress ball
given there recently by the subalterns Of
an infantry regiment, lady noted for
originality Sc wit was brought by chance
TO the side OF one of the chief military
authorities of the place. Said she to
Col. L, May ask, Colonel, what
you nreY' Oh answered the Colonel.
who was evidently not in one Of his
happy moods Il am nothing! What
are your Il am next TO nothing was
the prompt rejoinder.
Now, James, don't 90 off to any 9TH
er place after work something will turn
up for you here, know said the anx.
ious wife. and you know q rolling stone
gathers no moss And setting hen
lays 10 eggs gruhly responded James
But she keeps her nest warm, and that
is good deal these hard times, was The
unanswerable woman's argument.
A bright boy aged ten. pleaded his
mothers case so eloquenty in New
York court The other day that the Judge
discharged .hc prisoner. The old lady
had been arrested f.. oyCr-iudulgence
and fined $40 but on the representation
OF her young hopeful that 'sho cooks
the grub, mends our clothes and is good
20 me and my little sister the enc was
RENTED.
GuosT-TuEIR OEGM.-A patient
complained TO his physician that be was
pursued by ghost the night before. on
his way home from the tavern. what
shape was it?' asked the doctor. In the
shape Of a jirafe = 3aid the man. Go
home, replied the physician, and keep
sober You were drunk last night, and
frightened at your own shadow
According TO the Rev. NJ Scuddcr, u
missionary in India, four men bought
quantity of cotton IN cO.uartuprsLiD 49,
That the rats might not injure il, they
bought cat. and agreed that EACH
should own one OF its legs. Zach leg
was then adorned with beads and other
ornaments by its owner. The cat acci.
dentaIly iDjured one Of its legs, and the
owner wound rag round it, soaked in