The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-01-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

PARTRDGEs are among the things
that whirr.
BABIES were the original discoveries
of the milky-way.
THE kid-glove duty-To smuggle as
many as you can.
You cannot mend your ways with the
thread of discourse.
Is man careful of his provisions
when he bolts his food?
81 WILL drop the subject" he said;
and he let fall the "stiff."
The man whose cut couldn't be re-
turned-The headsnan's.
DEARLY love my sweet art, said the
enthusiastic confectioner.
WHEN at prayer, some people kneel,
because it is knees-y position.
How MANY women fancy they are
thinking when they are only rejecting?
WHAT is sweeter than sugar-house?
Why, young ladies' seminary when it
is full of 'lasses.
&! Ny brother-in-law wants to know
whether Gabriels trump is the right
bower or the joker.-Chat.
THERE is man in Washington the
most powerful in the country. He car
ries a horse scar on his cheek.
TAILORs are the only people from
whom you can obtain reliable list of
our promising young men.
REJOICE and be exceedingly glad, if
you have clear conscience, last seasons
Overcoat and months credit at coal
yard.
ALL the signers of the Declaration of
Independence signed their names with
! quill pens except one-he signed his
Witherspoon.
THE age of economy has been reached
III Foxboro, Mass, where woman
stopped clock from running because
it would wear out too fast.
well" said an old bachelor, when
he found basketful of baby on his
| front steps, "some men are born babies,
some achieve babies, and some have
babies thrust upon them"
! BETTER it is to sit on barrel at the
conner grocery with contentr,ent than
to repOse in the most luxurious easy
chair adorned with tidy in the house
OF the Order-loving woman.
"AND you are really going to marry
again, after losing that dear husband of
yours-and you so young and pretty
ye3r' MY love, it's simply out of re-
spert for the memory of the late. This
is seandalous world"
TEE man who waits to gat three cats
in line before he shoots will some day
find the pcOr-house waiting for him. 1t
is tine man who peppers away at cats
whenever chance offers who will lay up
ducats for old age.-DetrOu Free Press.
A WESTERN poet, who deprecates the
advances made by science over ro-
nance, writes that electricity may be
conquering, but that moonlight itself is
superior to- gas. Ha, yes: but then, my
boy, you can't metre by moonlight
alone:
A LIQUOR DEALER applied to Gus
toner for letter of recommendation of
a certain brand of whisky he had al
ready sold HIM. The customer wrote
Il have tried all sorts of insect poison,
and find none equal to your Old Cabinet
whisky"
The New York Express is determined
to tell the tnnth though the heavens fall.
It saws: ct isn't overwork that's ruin
ing the young men of this great city by
any means. No, it's waiting on the street
conner for somebody to invite them into
tho nearest saloon"
DID the prophet Isaiah ever eat at
railroad station? 1t certainly looks so,
for how could he have described it so
literally if he had not? "lnd he shall
snatch on the right hand and be hungry,
and he shall eat on the left hand and
shall not be satisfied"
How WOMEN change their minds re-
specting their husbandsl Mrs. Jinks
was forever telling her husband that he
wasn't worth the salt in his bread. But
when the poor man got killed in rail-
way smash-up, the fond widow sued the
company for $4,000 damages.
A LITTLE shaver, going on an GRAND,
met an acquaintance, to whom he pro-
pounded the following conundrum
"Why am like penny" The other
fellow gave it up. 81 am like penny,
said the little man, because / am one
sent" And he went his way.-ChicdgO
Tribune.
I'm tough cuss from Bitter Creek,
is the expression employed by the plains
desperate to inform everybody that he
is ION the fight" Further east the
corresponding member of society says;
sTm wolf, and this is my time to howl"
In Kentucky he says: I'm yard wide,
and all WOOL"
"WHAr shall / leave you when /
dep, said an insipid fellow to young
lady whose patience he had nearly ex.
bansted. needn't wait till you de-
said she; "you can leave something
now. il You will" What shall leaye9
he asked. leave yourself she replied.