The Russellville Democrat., 1879-10-09

"We didn't come to Saratoga to enjoy ourselves" we said, "we came here to be aristocratic"
 l stood their aristocratie business just one day, then 1 broke. 1 could not stand stupidity any longer, even though 1t were aristocritic. 1 sighed for little intellectual fun, and when I saw group of happy young ladies telling anecdotes, satirizing, humbugging, and laughing in natural way, went straight away and joined them.
 Just opposite us sat party of young ladies who came here to amuse and stun people. The principal head among them had just returned from abroad. He was very Englishy. He could hardly speak our poor American language at all.
 "Chawmin' ev'nin' Miss Astor," he said, or rather mumbled, initiating the English cockney dialect.
 "Yes, awful charming. Dance to- night, MT. Livingstone~
 "Aw, kneuw, I don't donce. I think its beastly to donce-perfectly atwo- cious-hawable. But isn't it beastly 'ot?n
 "Oh, no, Mir. Livingstone, it's per fectly lovely The weather is just too sweet for anything. Just the time for flirting on the balcony. They say you are great flirt, Mir. Livingstone-dread- full"
 "Aw, kneuw, Miss Astor: I don't fiirt. 1 think it is hawid practice. couldn't think of spooning with young lady who wasn't 'eiress to thirty thou sand dollar revenue, you kneuw. Couldn't pon honnah."
 "Of course not, Mr. Livingstone Why, pas got four brown stone fronts, and mas got four camel's hair shawls, and diamonds and diamonds, and"
 "Aw, eouw don't say so, Miss Astor! Do take my arm and we'll take little stroll all to ourselves, and"
 And then they promenaded out into dark corner of the balcony.
 The young lady who came to Saratoga to be amused informed me that she came to look at the idiots, and not to amuse them.
 q came clear from Madison avenue" she said, land only brought four dresses with me, and here 1 can sit and see $500,000 worth of dresses go by in a per petual procession every day. The idiots who wear them have to go to all the trouble and expenee while I sit by and enjoy them"
 "Now there is a lady" she said, point ing to rich and ugly female, "who has been dressing for three hours just to show her toilet to me. Why she had hair-dresser at 5 D. m. She has crimped her hair, burned her forehead with the crimping-irons, opened five trunks to get hats, parasols, fans and slippers to match her dress, tinted her cheeks with dampeoed artificial rose leaves, hunted up her diamonds hidden away under the commodes. and pulled on buttonless kids clear to the shoulder and all for me. Now I could put on that toilet, hu it doesn't pay me. Pm a philosopher. She is my servant. She gives me free dress rehearsal every evening. It costs S1.50 to see these himsy sham dresses at the theater at the wishy-washy society plays, and here I can see five hundred perfect toilets in day for nothing"
 ''But don't you really bring only four toilets to Saratoga~ I asked the young lady.
 ''No: four are enough-not counting black silk"
 Flow do you manage it?'
 "Well, listen, and will show you how l can wear nine distinct toilets, and really have but three. First, I have ohc Cicdul Nllte pdiusoi stliu ldil. lnSSci by changing the bow on the parasol and the ribbon on the fan, go with any toilet. Secondly, l have three light dresses-a white pique, pink French bunting, and blue lawn. Then have three sets of ribbons-that is, whole set, consisting of parasol bow, sash ribbin, fan ribbon, slipper bow and hair bow Then have pink set of ribbons and blue set. My pink and blue are light, and I can wear my three dresses with ribbons to match. or 1 can cross them; that is, l can put light pink sash on light blue dress, or light blue sash on light pink dress. Thus you see that with three dresses and three sets of ribbons I can make nine distinct toilets. My rich and ugly friend brings thirty distinct toilets to Saratoga She brings a trunk full of parasols, and a hat for every dress. Thirty trunks fill her room and line the hall, while live in two trunks. Her toilets for the season cost $4,000, while mine cost S200."
 Sneezinr,