The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-05-16
VOL. XXIII---NO. 20.
VARIETIES.

off" said an Irish apothecary, "you find
two tumblers of whiskey punch disagree with
you over night, don't take them till the
next day and thin lave them off intirely."
The difference between honor and discre-
ton is, honor tells you not to hit a man when
he's down, and discretion warns you to be
careful about hitting a man when he is not
down.
My friend has great respect for the
truth" said baronet one day to a gentle
man. So l perceive" was the reply, "for
he always keeps most respectful distance
from it,"
| Conversation at the breakfast table
Smith-"Aint John late in bringing the mail
this morning." Jones-"I guess there's some
thing on the postal cards he doesn't under
stand. He is probably reading them over
twice"
Gen. Lee asked a straggler one day, whom
he found eating green persimmons, if he did
not know they were unfit for food. "Pn not
eating them for food, General" replied the
man. "1'm eating them to draw my stomach
up to fit my rations."
An infidel said sarcastically to q clergy
man: 81 always spend Sunday in settling
my accounts" The reverend gentleman did
not wither as expected, but simply replied:
| hHu YOU VIII DTODdDly spenu inc uay Oh
Judgment in the same way"
| Eli Perkins, having been charged with
abandoning his wife and an eighteen year-old
daughter, acknowledges that he once aban-
doned daughter of that age, but she was the
daughter of rich merchant who came to
him with shot gun and asked him to do
| it.
The Burlington HdWkeye has also gone
| into the prizp uupstion bucinpec TT nffaro a
chrome for the first correct answer to the
question, when are you going to pay that
little bill {" We don't want the chrome, but
here is the answer Call around next week"
I-N01rist0ao1 Herald
The following are the latest quotations
| Grindstones have taken turn; feathers have
gone up; old iron is heavy; butter strong;
whisky going down; soft soap slippery
| shoes tight; cheese lively; bricks firm; shin
| giles flat; pork noisy; bowed bladders bouy-
ant; gravel way up.
DIR. Livingstone had poor opinion of
lions, and once said "Lions are arrant, cow
ardly, sneaking beasts. You can hardly tell
lion from donkey when you come upon
him in the forest and if you come upon him
| suddenly, his first impulse is to tuck his tail
between his legs and bolt.
"A certain resident of North Adams, Mass,
recently buried his wife, woman of unusual
size, and a few days after the sad event a
neighbor attempted q little in the consoatory
line by remarking: "Well, Mr. -, you have
met with Il heavy loss" Eyes" replied the
mourner with sigh, "she weighed most four
hundred poundsW
Village doctor-"Well, are you better?
Have you taken your medicine regularly and
eaten plenty of animal food ?" Patient
Eyes, sir, | tried it, and so long as it were
beans and oats ! could manage pooty WELL
sir; but when you come to that there chop
ped hay, that right down choked me, sir p-
London Punch.
-"Why did General Washington cross the
Delaware on the ice and through the storm
of an awful mighty" asked teacher of her
young class in history. 81 reckon" piped q
| small voice in answer, at was because he
wanted to get on the other side" The
| teacher gave her class fifteen minutes re-
creation.
"A good story is told of the great homeo-
pathic physician, DIR. Cabarrus, who recently
| died in Paris.
Mile Julie Barron was halfsicl and wholly
| ill-humored She sent for him.
"What is the matter?" asked the doctor.
ooh, | hardly know myself" she replied,
'my spirits are terribly unequal Sometimes
| am greatly elatcd, and then | suddenly sink
into the deepest melancholy"
After moments reflection Cabarrus said,
gravely:
81 am afraid there is but one way to cure
you"
what is it ?" she inquired eagerly.
"1ou must get married." he replied with
a mirthful twinkle of the eye, but still keep
ing grave face.
"Well," said Mile Barron, after little hest
tation, followed by a long-drawn sigh of re-
lief; perhaps you are right Would you
marry me%
"Ma chere," replied Cabarrus, blandly "the
doctor prescribes, but he doesn't take his own
mediCinesw