Litchfield enquirer., 1879-05-08
CLIPPINGS.

CLIPPINGS. 'Spicer calls Chicago marriages casualties
 The tailors notice, 'tFits guaranteed" is an unhealthy sign.
 Imagination goes long distance with five cent cigar.
 Even violets are blue after the late opening of spring.
 In a circus procession the man in the van is always in the rear. s..... -...-
 Kate Claxtons husband-but what's the use of advertising Kate any more.
 When parents baptize their children they may be said to pool their issues.
 A poker player with four aces cares nothing for the divine right of kings.
 Calls of distress reach us from every direc- tion, and charity begins to hum.
 Teaspoon Corners" is locality in Ingham county, Mich. It must be stirring place. E. For the frolicsome oyster, the first of May is the merriest day of all the glad new year. Are strawberries really as sour as they look to be? This is question for millionaires only.
 A Western editor says garlic will cure rheu- matisn. Now if some one will cure garlic we may be happy yet.
 The author of My Grandfather's Clock says he will never write another song. He has given us his balladictory.
 A dispatch from Europe announces the sui eide of an Italian nobleman. Great goodness! who did he leave his hand-organ to.
 'sYe are children of the devil" was the text of divine in the morning; in the afternoon it was Children, obey your parents" An Atlanta darkey who tried to send one of his children through the post-office, was ar- rested for an attempt at blackmailing.
 A Miss Sarah Frost of Northampton County weighs 600 pounds. Unless she dies or moves away, Northampton may expect heavy frost in August.
 ttNo Fishin Here" is the common sign that meets the eye of the sportsman-and there is more truth in the statement than would at first appear.
 We don't wish to find fault-but it always seemed to us that the man with cloth gaiters on had fallen considerably from his natural sphere.
 Bumptieus Old Gent Gin a directorial tone) -"Ah conductor, what are we-ah wait Ing for?" Conductor (with unconcern)- Waiting for the train to go on, sir"
 About the guiltiest-leoking people in this world are man accused of a crime of which he is innocent and .newly married couple try ing to pass for veterans.
 q To the casual observer, a fsh-cart can be seen almost any day in Cambridgepert having the following superscription in big letters 'John Dugan smoked and pickled fish dealer" Before Mime. Gerster sailed for Europe she purchased one ef--'s grand pianos for her English home. This is splendid advertise ment for. for which we charge nothing. It was before the Duke dAngouleme that chemical funkey once said: '.Monseignur, the hydrogen and the oxygen will now have the honor to unite in your presence"
 A careful canvas indicates that the usual number of bushes men will, this spring. run of to the circus little while in the afternoon, ''just to take the children you know"
 A public lecturer fell on the stage in Indiana last week, and the audience hissed him, be- leying him intoxicated but when it was an- nounced that the man was dead the audience reyentend it's hasty censure, and then the ap- plause was deafening.
 An Irishman went to the theatre for the first time. Just as the curtain descended on the first act boiler in the basement exploded, and he was blown through the roof, coming down in the next street. After coming to his senses, he asked; "An' what piece do yez play nixt?"
 "Where've you been these two or three years ?" recently asked Connecticut man of jovial old friend whom he met on the street. haav fha ,bal;, h,,cs reply. 'You have?" "Yes-out West teaching school" explained the returned wan derer. She handed him her album,
 In which to write line
 Of friendship, love and flowers,
 Splendifferously fine,
 She murmured, as she got it back,
 In rather peevish tones,
 You might have written something besides
 Yours truly, T. A. Jones.
 A bright little fellow of four, the son of former pastor of a tiourishing church, who at tends the infants in Sunday school, received last Sunday morning card on which were the words, "Pray without ceasing" After his mother had explained the text, he said, 'I guess 1 won't show this to the minister; he prays long enough now"
 We are in a fair way of getting rid of Sport, the pedestrian nuisance. MT. Riff, of Bridge port, challenges him to eat pie for twenty -four hours. As Sport is extremely fond of that vegetable and is not tight built the result of the contest can be looked forward to with con- siderable hope and gratitude.
 The Rev. Mir. A was more prominent m his day for the brilliany of his imagination than the force of his logic. At one time he was preaching on ''The Ministry of Angels" |" and in the peroration he suddenly observed |: ''I hear whisper ?" The change or tone star tied the deacon who sat below from drowsy mood, and springing to his feet, he spoke |: '1 guess it is the boys in the gallery"
 Do you know who got up the first corner in breadstuffs? No? Well, it was that good young man Joseph and his bad old master Pharaoh, the younger member of the firm fur nishing the points and the senior partner the stamps. The two monopolists gathered in the wheat for.seven years, then pulled the market and gathered in the substance of the hungry people for another seven years till finally that eminent and highly respectable firm of pro- duce brokers owned about everything that was worth owning in the land of Egypt.
 The bishop was addressing Sunday school, and related to the children the story of Jacobs dream of the ladder into heaven. Closing his remarks, he invited them to ask any questions they had in mind. After few seconds pause a little girl in piping voice inquired, 'If the angels had wings, what did they want ladder for to climb into heaven ?" This was puzzler for the bishop. He cleared his throat several times, grew red in the face and hesitated; but at last a bright thought struck him. Turning towards the school, he said, "As one little child has asked the question, perhaps some other little child can answer it. Now can any one tell me why the angels want ed the ladder?" Back came the answer from aremote corner of the room, Because they was moulting, sir!" The good bishop sat down.
 A BRUTAL BR0rHER.-"Jack, said a pretty Sutter street girl to her brother the other day, ''1 want you to do something for me-thats a good fellow"
 What is it ?" growled Jack, who is broth