Litchfield enquirer., 1879-12-18

system and keeps up the strength.
 z~ r. TT CLIPPINGS. g5seI
 Skates "go-as- -you-please" with a green
 hand.
 It is the man with the rheumatism who is every inch a kingH
 The Irish Grievance Paddy: Has it come
 to thls that dacent man has got to pay his rint! --
 Lots of Yale students are color blind and red-headed girl stands a fair show in New ! Haven.
 MT Seth Green is respectfully requested to see if the oyster cannot be domesticated in church fair stews.
 He said her hair was dyed, and when she indignantly exclaimed; '"ris faise!" he said he presumed so.
 | A glass blower has recently died at the age of one hundred and ten years His great age is anothes proof of the truth of the blewglass theory.
 On an aspiring poetess: Unfortunate lady, how sad is your lot
 Your ringlets are red-your poems are not
 Every man is the architect of his own for | tunes. That's the reason a fortune always costs him ffty-per cent. over and above his estimates E13v |
 "Everything," says western paper ''has recently advanced in price except liberty, which remains at eternal vlgience, with liber- al reductions to the trade.'' f,....sG ..,.
 The Providence Press tells of lady in that city who, after atteutively examining bust in window, eagerly inquired, And who was this Terra Gotta anyway" ..r..T "Have you ground all your tools, as told l you this morning?" said carpenter to his ap- prentice. ''All but the saw sir; couldn't | get quite all the gaps out of that s's ss|
 'Is he rich ?" asked the tourist ''Yes," re- | piled the sexton. q guess he is pretty veal | thy, at least he never put any more than ten cents into the plate Sunday morning.
 If man is dissipated, it is true that he will not live out half his days, but then young Keepitup says he lives out about two thirds i of his nights and that makes good average This is the season when the aborigine jabs his fork into the breast of the roast missionary and asks his wife why in the name of thun- iteration she always ,-forgets to take ont the | crop. s,h%fEfsE*y 1si :. r. We have always found, in this journey from the cradle to the grave which some call life that the man who has had his toes trampled on is always painfully pointed and concise in his 'o'a"'A' ~ ' E r.-
 little girl in Sunday school who had been pulling her doll to pieces during the week. was asked by the teacher What was Adam made of" Answer: ''Dest. "And what was Eve made off" Answer: "Sawdust." Felicia was gliding down Fremont street in Boston the other afternoon, with derby hat on and carrying her hands in the pockets of her long ulster, when small boy ran up and said, .'Say, Miss, if yes had cigar now, you'd be all right, wouldn't yer?" V.gk: .y An exchange says one woman in a fishing party will do more to scare away all the fish than ten packs of frecracksrs. Besides that, mo man wants to put the neck of bottle in his mouth when women are around to misiudge his motives ..s... az. Ebenezer Stone and his wife Flora, out in l Illinois, were divorced not long ago, but after ward they came to an understanding. were re- l married, and are now happy together as far as we know. It was a case of Flo and Flo, it would seem j; at any rate they.are tide now.
 New York proposes a school for plumbers, We are glad of this. It is time that plumb CT should learn to compute more accurately 1 that to make ten minutes work with solder l ing iron and four hours of Tove-making to the cook, at sixty cents an hour, figure up $168 84 | Fifteen Kentucky negroes went out to skate l on pond, and fifteen was the number who I were hauled out on rails and piled up near blazing log-heap,to dry out and Timber up. | They got to moving on the pond to the tune of ''Gwine up to Glory" and the ice couldn't stand it.
 | A popular clergyman was greatly bored by I a lady who admired him without reserve l 'sOh my dagr Mr.--" said she, last Sun day afternoon; 'there isn't any harm in one's | loving ,one's pastor. is there ?" Certainly not, madam" replied the worthy cleric; ''not- the least in the world, so long as the feeling is | not recipreeated."
 l A man of the law, after developing cor,sia-- erable eloquence and precipitation in behalf of
 a prisoner, perorated by saying; sGentlemen, I after what have stated to you, is this man
 guilty? Can he be guilty? Is he guilty p Greatly to his disgust the foreman of the jury, after copious expectoration, replied ''You just wait a little old hoss, and we'll tell you"
 Scene (outside ferry house on Brooklyn side) Beggar (with suspicious breath) )-"Please, sir, give me the price of passage to New York" I the fare?" Hopeful Beggar-"Only one cent
 sir!" Gentleman ympatheticaly)-
 fellow, and you haven't A single cent ?' Joy
 ful Beggar (eagerly) )-"Not single cent sir !"
 Gentleman (practically)-"Oh, if man hasn't a single cent don't see but what he is just as
 we'll off in Brooklyn as New York" (Both
 smile
 Charles, the son of a wealthy farmer, has . a new tutor. The latter, theological student asks Charles about the customs of the house,
 and, among other things, inquiries whether
 prayers are said at table. ''Oh, yes," answers } Charley, ''my father prays almost every noon. ]" ,j And can you tell me what he prays?" says the tuter highly pleased. ''Oh, yes" an.
 swers the boy; father says almost every day,
 Good Lord what beastly mess this is' "
 A very ugly gentleman was requested by a
 beauliful woman to accompany her to paint ers studio, where, having weispered few
 words to the artist, she left him, with a prom
 ise of presently coming back. The gentleman
 asked the artist what he was wanted for. '1 thought you knew, sir replied the painter, ''that am taking that lady's portrait in the l character of saint being tempted by the dev- il, and that she wishes you to be good enough
 to sit for the tempter."
 In suburban theatre they were playing a f melodrama which-hke any .melodrama that knows it's business -ends with the hero run K ming down and capturing the villain, whom e disarmed, feeble and wounded, he !overtakes l I in a lonely wood Unhappily the hero's pis- tol is out of order as to the lock, and the hero :. cannot cock it to take his long sought and ar II dently desired revenge. The villain perceiyes
 what is wrong, the situation is becoming com. q ic; with great presence of mind he snatches V the pistol from the hero's hands. Courses upon ye all" he hisses 'shaG owe my deatf e to beardless boy that Knows not how to cock J. his pistol? Neverrr? Better, thousand n times better, to die by my own hand l" (Shoots . himself amid the frantic applause of the audi ence:)