The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-06-07
VARIETY.

How to prevent fish-bone from lodging in
your throas-Eat fried liver.
A newspaper man in Texas has married S2.-
OO0, 200, and n sOrrowing brother adds: 60 Please
exchange"
In this busy land q man is always liable to be
aroused from his slumbers, but in Ireland they
never wake person until he is dead.
A doctor to his son sc Johnny, wouldn't you
like to be doctor? ?'' '' No, father" Why
not, my mp 90 Why, father, L couldn't even
kill fly
81 have got so in the habit of being married
by Episcopal clergyman that really don't feel
satisfied with any othsr kind said Chicago
widOwer.-
The man who walks for twenty-four hours en- a
stretch is considered a hero, but no one seems to
have a kind word for the baby that yells straight
ahead for seventeen hours.
Oysters, according to a French naturalist, have
the power to reason. Perhaps that accounts for
their great wisdom in keeping their mouths shut.
Every once in a while some editor slings of an
article headed - Pay as you go.'' Well, that's
been our invariabIe rule for years. We seldom
60.
Patent-medicine dealers are using so many
tricks now to have their advertisements read that
u man never begins an item-not even a sermon
without first looking at the bottom to see If the
words '' For sale by all druggists " are there.
Curious but we never saw this notice in any of
try, large number of advertisements are una
voidably crowded out, but will positively appear
in our next"
Some people, says Bittertongue, are such con-
founded cheats, that if you should catch the mea-
sles from them, it wouldn't be the real article
something that wouldn't more'n half color the
skin.
A little girl at school read thus: L" The widow
lived on u limbacy left her by a relative" ''What
did You call that word ?'' asked the teacher
g the word IS legacy, not limbacy." /" But"
said the little girl, ''my sister says 1 must say
limb, not leg.
ArabeIla latter three months abroad)-" Brid-
get ie vous prize to extreme care when dust
ing the articles of vertu, the brc-a-brac and cera
mics" Bridget Sure, ma'am, 1 understand
what ye say, but don't know what ye name"
OF course no woman ever did such thing, but
supposing now, for the sake Of argument, as it
were, that woman was to 90 to church for the
purpose of showing off her new sacque, would it
be sac-religious, SO to speak ?-BOstOH Traveller.
A pickpoeket taken with his hand in some one
else q pocket, endeavored to invent all manner Of
impossible explanations OF the phenomenon.
e" What's the use of your trying to lie about it
clumsily?" said the magistrate beneyolently
''haven't you a lawyer?"
When wander in the gioaming with (dO turn mp
spadel.
How my heart tirobs with ian ace next for my dearest
Adelaide.
the rubl.
And to tell her. softly her will Chave to swing the
club.
Mr. D. is one Of those who think Sunday was
given for tie purpose Of enabling him to do little
odd Jobs about the house. His little three-years
old was coming down st-;rs last Thursday NOR
ming and seeing her father pass through the front
hall with his tool-box il nand she cried out, in
uoceutly - Oh, papa, is this Sunday?''
The FIRST walking-maich on record must have
been when Satan went up and down the earth.
Don't see it? Why, yes; peripatetic Lucifer-
walking match, eh IS. Adams AdreriiSer. The
villain who perpetrated that wouldn't be going
around Lucifer proper spirit prevailed in the COM
munity where he lives.
How suggestive is the speech OF children when
they are handling great subjects without knowing
it. &" Nv lnther,' said n mute, inglorious Mil
ton - Is IN the grocery business, and he has lots
of money" The incpient Shakespeare looked
the mute, ingIorious Milton in the eye, and said
with fervor, ''And my father is in the bankruptcy
business, and has got more money than your IA
er.''-Net0 York Herald.
All Of one long, happy hour mamma had been
reading to the little ones, Sunday afternoon, and
taking to them about heaven and the angels, and
showing them pictures ofangels with their snowy
wings. Suddenly Jack shouted: 90 Mother
when I'm an angel | want to be shanghai"
Shocked silence on the part of the family circle,
followed by the explanatory clause by Jack g Fea-
theirs on my legs, you know! hother ulsulsse1
the little congregation without the usual benedic
tion Burlington Halokeye-
TERRIBLE TYPEs.-The recent incarceration
OF the editor of the ThomastOwn VIdette in the in
sane asylum, hopeless maniac, has a sad, sad
history. People who recently saw an article in
his paper entitled - Death Of an Angle Worm, s"
and did not read beyond the heading, were not
aware that the article obituary Of the edi-
tors aunt, who had just left him all her money,
and that the article went to the printer it was
headed, Death Ofan Aged Woman. ."-HGlrkeyc.
The other evening, at a little dinner party in
New York. one Of the guests, the younger brother
Of an English nObleman, expressed with commen-
dable freedom bis opinion of America and its peo-
pIe =. do not altogether like the country
said the younger gentleman; q" for one reason,
because you have no gentry here" d" What do
YOU mean by gentry?' asked another Of the COM
pany s. Well, you know replied the English
man, =. weIl-oh, gentry are those who never do
any work themselves, and whose fathers before
them never did any " Ah, exclaimed the in
serIOcutor, then we have plenty Of gentry in
America, but we don't call them gentry we call
them tramps."