The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-02-08
PASSING SMILES.

PASSING SMILES.
If you can't keep your resolutions,
don't break em, but give 'em to some
poor fellow who hasn't any.
MONEY can make a man notorious,
but cannot make him respectable; but
one-half the people do not know the diff
erence.
DID you ever see a man poke a fire
without being overcome by the convic-
ton that you could do the job infinitely
better?
DELlLAH subdued man by cutting
his hair. Most women do it by pulling
the mans hair out by the roots.-Chi-
cogo Times.
PUTTING bent pin in chair is
very amusing practical joke. 1t never
fails to excite a mans r;se-ability.--
Neso York Mail.
SUSPICION dwells innate in every hui
man breast. Even the word of George
Washington would be doubted If he
attempted to account for black eye
by stating that stick Of kindling wood
flew up and hit him.
A MUSICIAN, George Sharp, had his
name on his door thus: "G. Sharp" A
wag of painter, who knew something
of music, early one morning made the
following addition: "Is A Fla" --Boston
Globe
WHY do they call the people who
live in the South Sea Islands, canni-
bals?" asked an old lady of sailor.
Because they live on other people,"
answered the sailor. "Then my son-in-
law must be cannibal," said she, for
he lives on me-"
AMERICAN balls are coming into fash
ion in England. France South America,
Egypt, Albany, and China-codfish
balls. N. B.-The young man who
handed this in wants situation as par
agrapher on a leading journal. Salary
~ per week, he to furnish the pencils
and the office to provide PASTE Troy
Press.
HERE is the newest restaurant story:
Customer" How long has this wine
been bottled, waiter?" Waiter" Four
teen years, SIR" Customer" Very
remarkable, that; ] didn't know flies
were so long lived" Waiter" Flies,
sir ?' Customer" Undoubtedly; here
is one swimming around just under the
cork"
A RARE.BIT
EARTH has donned her snowy habit,
ROBBED herself IN spotlets white,
And the nimble-footed rabbit
scoots across the fields at night.
See him now sedately squattin',
Then he's off DER hill and dale,
Waving high that tuft OF cotton
Called by courtesy his tail.
BISMARCK to Kaiser William: 81
drinks it mighdt be betterish to shtop
zem zocialsd babers dot make all dis
voolishness, don't idY "Yaw, Otto,
yust sent aroundt ZONE zoldiers to-mor-
row und gloze ub der offices. Der bee
bles list zuch yet of gonvounded vools
und idiots dat dey would never know dey
vos boor unit ragget und shtarving ven
dey don't hat ZONE editor ash told dem
aboudt it, ell ?'-Boston Globe.
IT is reported from Milwaukee that
man of family named Thomas Massey
got out of bed on recently intensely
cold morning to build a fire. He was
found an hour afterward frozen to death
in the yard, where he had gone for
wood. Mr.. Massey does not enjoy the
sympathy Of the masculine world in his
misfortune. If he had compelled his
wife to look after the building of that
fire, according to immemorial custom,
he might have been alive to-day, taking
an interest in politics with the rest Of
us.--Baltimore Gazette.
The Graphic speaks with great pride
of the success Of the architect of the
100000 Capitol at Albany in rem
dering all speech inaudible in the leg
islative chambers. 1t says: "How the
beautiful effect is produced we neither
know nor care. The ingenious architect
may have discovered new angle of
elevation, or perchance he mixed an
anti voice powder in his whitewash. Let
us not inquire too closely. The result is
all the public is interested in, and this, If
it be true that oratory is to be smothered
and orators gradually extinguished,
cannot but be benefcent."
A BosToN gentleman went to church.
In the course of time he concluded to
remove his overcoat, and with all the
grace and ado imaginable. After tax
ing his seat and folding his arms, imag.
inc his surprise when he discovered
that he had removed both dress and
overcoat and was in his shirt sleeves.
The rest is better imagined than told.
The same evening dressy, prim gen.
tleman went to another church, and
after removing his ulster, was horror
stricken to find that in place Of his.
dress coat he had on his short knit
blouse.
A NEAR-sighted man went wandering
around among his currant bushes, and.
stopped down and pulled a wasps' nest
up by the roots to see what it was. He
didn't get it anywhere near the focus Of
his eyes before he had an idea that it
was fiat iron some of the women had
set out to cool; then he thought it
might be concentrated case of prickly
heat; and then it dawned upon him
that he had picked up raw thunder
bolt, and finally his heart went clear
down into his boots as he realized that
he had got hold of the dangerous end OF
an explosion and pulled it of.
A PROFESSOR at Cornell, lecturing on
the effects of the wind in some western
forests, remarked: In travelling along
the road, / even sometimes found the
Lore boYnd ond twistad tOOnthar tn such