The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1879-11-28
= Darling, ! am growing old, ;,

"Barling, am growing old,
Silver threads among the gold p s.i.,ll
Sahg the wife-but Jack replied, NtrN H.
Turn your switch the other side" rsll
Perhaps Caesar intended to say a." Ute
Brute l"N A'is yf'fs Hiuk - 2 ilr
A professional beauty, though two
words, is really only one silly belle. ri
AS a ily-catcher Jack Frost outranks
any Base ball player in the country. 10 I
! Even criminals like paragraphs, that
is to BAY, they prefer short sentence.
Principal features Of conventional
The eyes and nose. -[Ottawa Republic
can. .'- 'H 1922 .i''i Inla.~
See here, isn't IL rather curious that
when MIR. Noah was In the preserving
business he put up nothing but pairsf
Beware of cards. Many Young man
has fallen into the hands of a knave,
and come within an ace of going to the
deuce. 3D.
We hear of men sowing wild oats,
but who ever heard of a woman sew
ing anything but t;r.s?-GVictoria
Woodruff. 90 fii
Little Johnny says: Talk about your
patent base-burning stoves; my mas
old'slipper is hot enough base-burner
for me-" m ficH
When Noah was hailed by passing
ship and asked what state he hailed
from, he always gave Ark-answers.-
Whitehall Times.
They say "a man is known by his
,associates.p OF COURSE he II; man
caTt associate with people any length
Of lime without their knowing him.
Prof. Darwin claims that apes and
baboons stand up like men and wrestle.
Pshaw this is nothing new. Long ago
we saw monkey-wrench. = Provi-
dence journal.
In Philadelphia society is excited over
the marriage of bigh-toned shoemaker
tosthe daughter of a wealthy cracker
baker. That's awl that knead be said.
I'm. Y. News. 'i4 Ii
| Strange coincidence; the postmaster
SITS in his Office and waits for the mails,
| while the LAWYER sits in his office and
waits for The fce-lhalcs. = Hartford
| Sunday journal. -f.
Grace Greenwood was standing in a
| Washington horse car, when sudden
stat of the car threw her over into q
gentlcman's lap. She said. 81 beg
pardon, sir; but YOU see am Lap
landcr." = .t.ll f..-,
Now the aged liar is happy again.
He can sit around in the corner grocery,
white barrels aud lie about the heavy
show Storms they used to'haye early in
August, when lie was a boy. roll City
Derrick. ii .i.-' iI's f1 rii t'...
| First Boy Where yer bin, Billy I?
Second Boy-Bin fishin' First Boy
Ketch anything? with an anxious ex-
preston on his face. Far-seeing Sec
ond Boy--No. But expect ter when
| 1 git in the house.
i John seems to be in some difficulty.
HE saws: b" When Teller loves gal
and gal loves Teller, what court docs
a Teller sue her father for her hand in!''
1--WE don't know unless its in courtship
k-[Yonkers Gazette.
Il An impertinent fop made sport Of al
; / old farmers nose, mouth and chin, but
, | the old farmer silenced him by saying
I"Your nose, mouth and chin all had tc
be made small SO at there'd be materia
enough left for your cheek"
1t may appear remarkable, but cay
enne pepper, one of the hottest o.
things, is excellent to make ice water
i If you don't believe this, throw hand
ful in somebody's face and watch the
eyes water. -[Steubenville Herald.
II Lady: "Why did you leave your las
! place ?" Servant: 4" Well, yer see. mum
\ had to pay for all my breakages, and
as they come to more than my wages
} yer see, mum, it was kind of imposi
:. ton that couldn't stand."- Fun.
Some gifted genius, who knows moi
, that lie is the jailor of a poetic fancy
such as Tennyson would give a dollar
for, remarks of the present weather
that it is the tail OF. summer stickin
through the knothole of the past
TYonkers Gazette. lf Ys i'- ..,
One of the most caustic replies wa:
that of Mr.. Currali to his opponent in
| a celebrated case. If that be law, Mr.
lCurran," said Lord Clare, Z" may burn
my law books" I" 1t would be far bet.
ter, my lord, to read Them" was the
rejoindcr. 'H
Teacher to boy in Philadelphis
school: "Can You tell me where the
Apennines are? Boy-"No; but can
tell you where the Philadelphia mines
are. The Ath--" "There, that will
do" interrupted the teacher, and the
youth subsidized. f ft.r.,a, ~
One hundred and thirty persons arc
, required in Vassar college to wait on
the girls and attend to the estate. And
lhesc are but handful to the number
who wait on the girls outside the col.
iege with a view, of attending to the es.
tate of-of their deceased fathers. p
The boy who substitutes q living for
4 dead hornet in the collection of near
sighted etomologist, and then asks the
man Of science TO show where the i'll
!, sects sting is located, should be held re.
sponsible for any irreligious sentiments
the victim may advance. 'Ir '''' H'
Inquisitive child, toying with he,
cousins hair" What makes your hair
80 Rreasy?" Cousin 4" Nature has
: filed the head with cells of little oil
sacks, which keeps the hair soft and
oily.n Inquisitive child" Oh, yes
know; mother used to find them IN
my hair, but said got them playing
, with that Lewis tribe!"
A seventy-nine-ycar old maid who
, was quite i'll in Johnstown, told the
, doctor she had never been Rugged by q
man in her life, and asked for one kiss
The gallant doctor complied with the
| request, of course, and she got well,
: When the doctor got home and told the
/ story to his wife he got-well, he Is
balder than he was.