Connecticut western news., 1879-01-15
WIT AND WISDOM.


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 -Tramps are forbidden to sleep in Cincinnati parks. There's arrest for the weary.
 -"Six into four you can't" us the shoemaker mildly suggested to lady customer.
 -Here's to the next cold wave: Long may it "-somewhere else.- Norristoacn Herald.
 Tho Boston Journal of Commerce defines the Beautiful Snow as pretty girls refusal. It is generally cold.
 When young man commences to wrestlo with his first mustache he gen. orally gets it "down. ."-Noristo'o'' Herald.
 How some people keep from frecz- ing in the winter by keeping them selves constantly in hot water with their neighbors.
 Truth is stranger than fiction. A man may know that he is Q liar, and yet he'll feel decidedly strange when he is called one.
 Young housewife-"Whatm miserable little eggs again You really must tell them, Jane, to let the hens sit on them Q little longer!"
 Tho Indianapolis Journal said the other day: "Thero is no particular necessity for searching for the North Pole just now. It is searching for us."
 A Miss Exilda La Chapelle is de- livering lectures throughout the Vest She walks hundred miles while ordi- nary women are working blue dog on a green cloth.
 T don't insist upon pedigree for man or horse. If g horse kan trot fast the pedigree is all right; if he kant, l wouldn't give shilling @ yard for his pedigree.-Josh Biili'sgs. "A dispatch from Buffalo says there are four feet of snow on level at that place. It neglects to add that tho care- less carpenter who left the level out of doors has been discharged by his em- ployer.--LoceU Courier. -" What would you do if girl kissed you?" said one ten-year-old urohin to another, as they discussed the latest so- ciety news. "What would l do? I'd kiss her back. What would you do?" Kiss her mouth," was the portentious reply.
 The Postmaster of Saratoga has just sent to Washington for redemption $105 in silver three-cent pieces. They were spent by guests last summer for fees 10 the once proud and naughty walters that used to reject with scorn anything less than dollar.
 A professor in Cornell, featuring on the effect of the wind in some Western forests, remarked In travelling along the road I even sometimes found the logs bound and twisted together to such an extent that a mule couldn't climb over them, so went round"
 He came into the schoolroom all of drive, his hat in his hand and frenzy in his eye. "I have been insulted, sir; I have been grossly insulted by a set of young scoundrels, sir; and I come to you, sir, as I understand you are the principal P Moral-Avoid ambiguity.
 -" This an Arctic region of Sunny South of yours, says, contemptuously, friend on meeting gentleman of the South in snow storm one morning. "What do you call that, eh ?" "Ohr r says the Southron, "that's snow if you insist upon it, but it isn't cold snow such as you have up North"
 "A plain-spoken woman recently visited married woman and said to her, "How do you manage to amuse yourself ?" "Amuse," said the other, "don't you know that have my house. work to do?" "Yes," was the answer, "I see that you have it to do, but as it is never done conclude you must have some other way of passing your time"
 We hear of woman in good circum- stances, who, after buying half dollars worth of buttons at store, soon returned, saying that another dealer was selling them for forty cents, and that she thought she ought to have her money back. She was given ten cents and sent away apparently satisfied. A week later brings her back. She has worn the buttons, but don't like them so we'll as she had anticipated; and would they take them back and return her money2 They would, and did. "Thrift, thrift, Horatio !"-Boston 1fanscript.
 An eminent preacher was called on to preach, while two other preachers sat on tho pulpit sofa. Having a loud voice, he made the most of it, to the great an- noyance of his two brethren. After church was out both of them took him to task for his vociferation, and insisted that plainer and less noisy style of ora tory would do more good. "And how much do you get for preaching?" he asked of his critics. One replied that he got $1,200 a year, the other $1 ,6OO. "Wel," was the answer, 1T get $4, ,O00, which is more than both your salaries put together, Iguess I'll keep on 'hol- lerinR,'H