Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-10-17

A fxed acs-One that gets in wo-
mans head.
When q man has no mind of his own,
his wife generally gives him piece of
hers.
A music seller announces in his win
dow a song; 'aThou hast loved and left
me for ten cents"
A Peekskin beau has Just made the
startling discovery that girls ribs run
up and down. Of corset so.
An exchange, claiming to be authority
on slang, says Cheese it" is a eonup-
ton of don't give it whey"
The married man who goes away from
home to visit the club room, sometimes
has the club broom to visit him in re-
turn.
"Plant trees in the school-yard," is the
advice of San Francisco paper. Yes,
plant them, by all means, and see to it
that they are all birch.
Life is what we make it." says the
poet. But when we make it spades and
then get euchred, we all have feeling
of questioning the poet.
coil" is a very common term; and vet
a man whose ears failed to apprise him
of an alteration near his house the 9th
er night says he never heard the turmoil.
"Your late husband, madam" began
her lawyer eyes, I know he was al
ways late out O. nights, but now that he's
dead, don't let us Upbraid hin" said his
charitable widow.
While a Massachusetts, man was on
his knees praying, his insane wife killed
him. The idea that he was wearing out
his pants at the knees was more than
her brain could stand.
Delays are dangerous" said POM
pous looking man. Il never put any
King of-never, STRIP ''Then you must
go to bed with your boots on" replied
quiet looking bystander.
"I'l see you later" said Smithkins to
his wife, as he started for his lodge. "And
not much later, either, if you know
when you're well off," answered she.
Smithkins was home at ten.
When a bank fails in China they Gun
of the heads of the bankers and throw
them in q corner with the remainder of
the assets. As a consequence, there has
been no bank failures in that country fol
five hundred years. There is no telIine
how much would be saved to poor de,
pOsitors, widows, and orphans, in this
'ountry, if a similar plan should be
ldopted.
In the sweet, balmy, delicious happi-
ness of loves first young dream a youth
will not only insist on cracking walnuts
for his girl, but in picking out the good
les as well. Two years after marriage
he will not even let ner have the nut
cracker until he is through. Girls, get
married.
A great many persons wonder why
they have so little to show for their time
and labor, and how it is that some peo-
pie can manage to get so much done.
The secret, if there is any secret, lies in
the fact that those who accomplish a
great deal, work according to a well-de-
fined and uniform plan.
Ripe peaches may be prevented from
deeaying for many hours by covering
them well in fresh cold water. I saved
two crates in this way one night last
autumn, which were fully ripe. The
water will not extract the flavor from
the fruit. Excluding the air FROM them
is, of course what saves them
Kerosene explosions are often caused
by allowing lamps to sit on mantel pieces
and other warm places during the day.
The oil becomes heated, and dangerous
gas is generated in the vacant space
above the oil
1t is better that Joy should be spread
over all the day in the form of strength,
than that it should be concentrated into
ecstacies, full of danger, and followed by
reactions.
Silver is the most perfectly refecting
substance known, absorbing but 9 per
cent. of the incident rays, while specu-
lum metal absorbs 81 per cent.
The plates for saws are made of ingots
Of steek carefully prepared to secure
uniformity, and reduced to the proper
thickness by rolling.