Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1879-08-14
Helena, Montana, Thursday, August II, 1879.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Good housekeepers hate to put off wash
ing day. With them it is ''soap deferred
that maketh the heart sick"
An axiom in the philosophy of the young
ladies whose dresses arc q little too thin:
''There's no effect without gauze."
A notice in North Carolina hotel dining
room reads "Members of the Legislature
will be seated first and the gentleman after
ward"
Il should have no objection to my wife
resigning," said an affectionate husband, ''if
it were not for the fact that when she reigns
she is apt to storm ALSO"
Pious old lady: "Just think, Rose, only
five missionaries to 10000 cannibals !" Kind
hearted neice: "Goodness gracious the poor
cannibals will starve to death at that rate.
Several boys wedding onions in Southport
were prostrated by stroke of lightning.
Boys whose fathers own onion beds should
cut this out and paste it in their fathers hats
A brute ofA newspaper man in the East
asks if a woman with long train should not
| be subject to the came rules as railroads, and
| be compelled to slack up and whistle at the
crossings?
A boy of fifteen and q girl of fourteen ran
away in st. Clair county, Alabama, to be
married. Parents caught them the second
| day, procured license, saw them united
legally, and each father, taking his respective
offspring behind him, rode home.
"How did you come to get married ?" ask
ed man of very homely friend. "Well,
you see," he replied latter I'd vainly tried to
win several girls that l wanted, l finally
turned my attention to one that wanted me,
and then it didn't take long to fix things"
Much injury has resulted from the false
notion on the part of mothers, that children
need to be hardened by exposure; but more
often this hardening process results in sick
and premature death. Suitable clothing as
nutritious diet is necessary to healthy
growth.
mo man is better merchant than he that
lays out his time upon God and his money
upon the poor. There is no one minute of
our lives, after we are come to the use of
reason, but we are or may be doing the work
of God, even then when we most of all serge
ourselves Bishop Jeremy Taylor.
SINCE the 1st of July the Treasury De-
partment has issued warrants for arrears of
pensions to the amount of IS, ,O00, QUO, max
ing the whole amount paid under the appro-
priation of $25, ,000, 900 for that purpose,
$10, ,219, 600. At the present rate the appro-
priation will be exhausted in few months.
young man." said a stern old professor
to student who had been charged with kiss
ing one of his daughters, ''young man, don't
get into that habit You'll find that kissing
is like eating soup with fork" 'How so,
sir2" asked the student. Because" an
swered the stern old professor, ''you can't
get enough of it."
Referring to the allowance of pin-money
given to English ladies, the London Queen
says that So, 500 q year is the usual sum al
lotted in the highest of life, even in the case
of men who have from 800, 900 to $780,
goo year. A LADY whose husband has from
SIS, 900 to $50 600 would get annually from
$1,000 to $1,000.
The French navy has adopted an apparatus
for distilling salt water at sea. The steam
passes two cones, where it is aerated by being
condensed in an air current. 1t is then puri-
fed by circulation through animal charcoal,
and pure water is the result The French
Academy of Science awarded prize OF 5000
francs to the inventor.
An orchestrion, said to be the largest one
ever built, has recently been erected in Baltl.
more. It is "a feet high, Is feet broad and
feet deep, and 1s equal to full orchestra
of 60 pieces in power and fullness of tone,
and comprises every instrument of an or
chestra The instrument weighs $4,000
pounds, cost $12, ,000, and required three years
in its construction.
School Board Visitor-May ask the name
of the tenant? Tenant-Mrs. Guhbins;
that's me- But what's in name? Visitor
(noting the fact in q memorandum book)-
Gubbins Thank you. Have you any
children? Tenant-One son. Visitor
does he attend school? Tenant-No. Visi-
tor-Dear mel What is the excuse F? Old
lady-He's married and his wife thinks he
can be better employed.
RUSSIA has many and varied troubles. 1t
is estimated that the cattle plague will intiict
q loss of $24, ,O0O, 900 upon the Empire this
year, and millions of bushels of wheat are
being destroyed annually by small beetle,
for whose destructiveness no sufficient check
has yet been found. As an induce'nent to
the people to destroy the insect, !. reward
was offered for every quart of them that were
brought in, dead or alive. but So, 600 900 has
been expended in this way without effect.
WHAT makes the bloody and burdensome
war in South Africa doubly CALLING to the
people of England is the mesnness Of tue
colonists for whose sake the war is supposed
to be conducted. All the correspondents Bit
terly condemn the untruthfulness, drunken.
ness and swagger of the Natal colonists.
Archibald Forbes says they have all the inde-
pendence of the American citizen, without a
particle of his solicitous geniality. They
pluck unmereifuRy and cynically the stran-
gers whom fate has brought within their
gates. They have settled in their minds that
the Zulu business is an imperial question, and