The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1879-07-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
When fall comcs-fall leaves.
Where does the devil fish!


and so is a GOOD poker player.-Eln,iru Gdptte,
II softens the language while the meaning
the same, to say-"Repent before 1t is too late
Won will 20 to st. Louis"
II has been discovered by Young America Tia
a smooth hoe handle has three times the oiis'cr
ing power OF a ten foot oar.
The latest burlesque announced is entltle,
pretty Chicago Girls" What an absurdity Il
must he!-Bos:on Post.
As soon as born babe comes into 'a"
" its father wants TO give it weigh.
81 Louis girls manage to pass the hot DAYS
comfortably by lying down in the SHADE OF thc'i
up,urned feet.-ChC l"'fs'
brethren, it is our mission to visit ana com
fort the sorrowing, at 50 visit" sal one OF the
sneakers at the Burlington (N.J Medical Con-
yenton.
A Delaware editor SAYS the fellow who wants
n know what will bring out the hair should gel
married.
When felines from the woodshed height
Unfurled their narratives in arr
He tore his linen robe OF night
And flung his bootjack madly there.
The Wachusett has backed out of her attempt
10 reach St Louis. She was probably afraid oil a
sunstroke.
The objection to Chicago as a summer resort
arises from her sudden extremes Of temperature
One day she is frozen by gales from the north
mole. and next day scorched by blasts from
ST. Louis.
mo. darling" SAID the undertaken to his wife,
g, can't afford 10 give you silk dress at present.
Just wait few weeks unit! green apples are in
the market
If there is airy other little game or sport in
which England excels she will please make it
known in season for something American to take
the betty. 0. PicRwHe
Southern Ilinoi, farmer was sunstruck the
other day while going to town with load OF
green corn Green corn is one OF the unhcaIth-
lest things there Is this season of the year!
The reason why Chicago people dislike ST..
Louis so is that pint of st. Louis whisky Kills a
man as quick as a rifle ball, and when Chicago
man strikes that town he is at once invited to
drink.
At the last Vassar College commencement
more than thrcc-fourths of the young ladies
wore their hair banged. That was what might
well be called a bang-up affair,
He said he always ate goat cheese on his bread
because the goat was such good butter.
A pretty little maiden had pretty little fan;
She engaged in Irritation with an ugly little man.
He won her young affections which she gave to
him for life,
But the honeymoon was busted by the feller's
other wife. -Hartord Sunday Jonnol.
Il is no reproach to Old Story, of the Chicago
Times that he commenced business by selling
candles in backwoods town of Michigan. But
it was very characteristic Of the man to palm off
his talow dips on the wood choppers as genuine
Eastern sperms.
Some Of our young ladies' are discussing the
proprety of organizing might Society,"" and
distributing invitations 10 young men. They
think the young fellows might propose.-Er.
An exchange asks "Why blame the clergymen
for going off on vacations? They pack up their
trunks and leave for three months or SO, 1t is
true but do they not leave their religion behindT
Peoria is now in great state of excitement
over the question who was Melchizedek Rabbi
Wurzel says he was the patriarch Shem, and
others say he was no such thing.-Er.
Mechzedek, we supposed everybody knew,
was the son of a Cansanitish herdsman origin.
ally named Richard. The way he got his name
was, he was milking restless COW and naturally
began 10 swear, when his mother made things
pleasant by the gentle admonition-"Milk easy
dick" and for the rest of his life the name clung
to him.
ADDRESS TO A CAT.
Sweet warbler when the radiant moonlight falls
In mellow splendor on the haunted shed,
OFT haze listened to thy plantive wauls
And cursed thee from my sleep deserted bed.
How have wept to hear thy long drawn shout,
Maria! Oh.h Ma-ri.a Comm Ou-out?'
Why dost thou rage, vain cat when sable night
With "dewy freshness fills the silent ~
Why dost thou climb the roof to yell and fight,
And rip and spit and snort and claw and swear?
Dost thou not blush, sweet cat, when rosy dawn
Sees half thy fur clawed out, and one eye gone?
-Bnlingioa Ha,ck,ye.
The model juryman lives in New York, and
was discovered at the recent trial of Castnc Cox
This, according to the Grdphic was the process:
Counsel; DO you know anything of this caseY
No.
Ever read Of ii?
No
Ever read anything?
No.
What! never?
Have you formed any opinion as to this case?
No.
ANY opinion about anything?
No
Never have opinions?
No.
What never!
No. lApplanse.
Ever heard "Pinafore:"
No.
Groans. Remarks, mo wonder he didn't doit. |
Sold"
No sympathy with anything pertaining to the
public INTEREST,"
No.