Litchfield enquirer., 1879-09-04
CLIPPINGS.

It is said that a Smith dies every fifteen minutes.
 The spider is the only creature which in- vites the fly to his parlor.
 Eighty -one tailors have recently formed a baseball nine.
 An Indiana carpenter is so temperate that he will not use spirit level.
 The New Haven Register says the great difficulty with base ball managers IS to find a pitcher that will hold water-only.
 Dentistry is not new. A four-thousand- year old mummy has been discovered with a filled tooth and the unpaid bill in his pock- ct.
 The "old-fashioned bucket" can still be found at thousands of wells, and no man can drink from it without stopping pint of water down behind his vest.
 "How are you off for funds to-day?' asked collector of an impecunious though classical debtor ''I am semperidem- always the same 1emphaticaly, without change!" The rising generation. Tommy-'Gim me cake" Mama-'1f what? If you please. ]" Tomlny-"Oh, let up on that Pinaforc busi- ness; gimme cake!"
 s A gentleman learned in the origin of social customs was asked the meaning of casting an old shoe after newly married couple as they start on their trip. He said: "To indicate that the chances of matrimony are very slip perry"
 ''Give me glass of water,.it you please" said visitor to bis host an avsricious mil lionaire.
 The water was brought.
 "Now," asked the visitor, twill you have the kindness to bring a straw? My imagna- tion will furnish the rest"
 At funeral service in Slawson, last week, the minister in his remarks was dwelling upon the loss to the husband of the. deceased when that worthyaspoke ups: Fs
 ''Never mind me. Just throw your heft on the corpse. - @
 C., whose death is just announced, was one of the most secret, dark and midnight men imaginable. He did not wish the fact that he was ill to be made public and so, when his faithful friend X. was asked how the old gen. tleman was, he took the inquirer by the button hole and whispered in his ear: ''Hes dead, but he doesn't want it known"
 A gentleman who had been dining out the night before went into a barber's shop one morning to be shaved. He saw that the bar Der had been taking more than was good for him. for his hand shook very much, and, naturally indignant he began to give, him little moral advice by saying: Bad thing, drink !" 'Yes," said the barber, ''it makes the skin awful tender
 "Are you ready for trial, Mrs. Ferguson ?' "Not yet, yer Honor.' ''And why not, pray?" "Shure, Pm maxim new pollynaize to ap- pear in on the watness shtand, an it's not;quite ready, may it blaze the koort." ''When will the gown be fnished?" 'Ive got it all done Chewsday, yer Honor" ''Oyez oyez! All witnesses in the case of the State of Ohio yer sus Mrs Ferguson will appear here next Tues day without further notice."
 A well-known liberal clergyman relates that lately talking to some youngsters on the coming vacation and diverging into the neces- sty of kindness to animals, he incidentally re- marked: Boys are often cruel to frogs and toads remembered when boy wickedly filling up toad with frccrackers and then lighting the slow 1hatch.' He was mortified to see this remark received with the liveliest emotions of interest and delight, and utterly prostrated as he passed ont at hearing one ur- chin say to another: 'Jings, that's a new note. Won't we have fun blowing up the bull paddles down in the medder !"
 The New Milford Ray, Tn speaking of the special train run to the Canaan camp meeting, Thursday says:-'Ncxt year we think, if Mr. Stllson is the superintendent, which may good Providence grant, for he is just exactly the Oblig ing and cear-headcd and careful man for such place, we shall probably have such a train for three or four days during the meet ing. This gives all persons an opportunity to hear two, sermons and be at home at night"