The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-08-28
"The Committee of -..fety!"

The great, the all-consuming hope of the
Democratic party, is caucus" When any
radical change is to be made in the policy OF
the party (and we are compelled to admit that
the Democratic party does sometimes change
'front.', the ablest statesmen of the party are
called together to caucus. The Democratic par
ty has for some time been pulling at the coat
tail of the National party, and some
of the young Democratic statesmen finally sue
ceeded in coaxing the Nationals to form coal
1t1on for the purpose of defeating the
the Republicans. The Nationals are sly
| fellows, and succeeded in making the
| Democrats believe that there were five or six
| hundred National votes in the county. So the
| parties "fused," and nominated ticket, and
the Democratic party was called in County
Convention and ratified the ticket.
This County Convention adjourned, leaving
the Democracy call torn up" Something must
be done, SO Bandy the Short beat upon the
"tom-tom )" and called the hosts of the Democ-
racy together. But when they congregated up
on the streets, there arose the important ques-
ton, where can we caucus in secret?" Big
Sandy was so stuck up he didn't want the
statesmen loafing about his door, and the big
cared Republicans listened to everything, when
they met on salt-barreIs After some investiga-
ton they found a vacant room back from the
street, the window of which room opened in
full view of a silent furnace. This was congo
NAL, and here the COMMITTEE of Safety" met.
The next thing was to find cool, clear-headed
man for Chairman. There was general in
quiry after the Howard, but it was announced
that he was writing an answer to Carl Schurz's
Cincinnati speech, and could not attend. Then
Long Ed was called for, but he had just receiv-
ed an order from the King of Dahomey for four
teen new "knockers," and he was busy.
Finally, Cardinal John was persuaded to act
as Cha irman. with Spike-nose Bill as Secre-
tary.
"Gentlemen," ;" said Cardinal John, on taking
the chair, "I thank ye for this honor. Let's act
in harmony. D-n the Republican party!'
Expression of views was next in order. Those
assembled glanced at one another uneasily.
Frizzly John arose, and hoped the people
would harmonize on this fusion ticket-any-
thing to beat the Republican party. That par
ty had always been opposed to the great Demo- |
cratic reforms, such as temperance, the inanc- |
es, &C.
Rip Van Wrinkle spoke next. "Men," said
he, "Ill tell ye, men, I'm a Dimocrat, but I'm |
opposed to this d. confusion ticket"
Lewis the Sleepy was willing to vote the tick |
ct, but he thought it looked little too much |
like Truthful James outraging the Democratic
party.
his feet and calculated:
"D-n Truthful JamesI L can swallow him or
anything else, just so we beat 'em. It's princi-
pie I'm after!'
And they all believed him. He is after prin-
,iple-has been after it long time.
Cardinal John exclaimed, "D-n the Republi-
ansv'
Isaac the Slender objected to the fusion.
There were enough straight Democrats to run
or of1ce-and eager to-without any fusion"
"Down with confusion!" yelled Rip.
cd the Republicans" said Cardinal John.
Gen. Bluster then came to the front. He
hought it was no time for the expression of
views. The ticket was nominated,
nd it was their duty, as good Democrats, to
upport it. Warming up, the General said:
By blank, we've had enough of this blank Re
ublican party. Here are the blank scoundrels
unning a man for Governor who made for
une off soldiers wives during the war"
"Yes," yelped Bandy, "he made corner on
edders, an put up de price SO high dat as much
s tree hundred dollars vas paid for one piller
Isaac the Slender applauded.
Cardinal John exclaimed excitedly, cd the q
republican party
Gen. Bluster turned fercely upon Isaac the
lender,wh inquired where the Gen. was dur ,
lg the war. .
"By blank. wasn't in Camp Chaser
"No," yelped Bandy, "you done your
lootin' init Bowen-arrow-"
AT that moment the midnight air was cloven 7
und reverberating among the hilI-tops.
"What's that?" said Isaac the Slender.
"Look there!' yelled the Learned s., pointing
a bright light. U
D the Republicans" screamed Cardinal d
)hn.
And they rushed frantically down stairs.
S they wended their wav slowly down the G
rect, Gen. Bluster soliloquzed: d
iThat's always the way with these blank Re- a
lblicans; they always get ahead of us. They're Ii
vestin Fosters money in furnaces, an start s,
6 'em up an electioneerin' dodge. There's (,
opic in full blast, Fulton putin away, and
w they're gittin' Huron ready. It's enough
discourage a man to fight sich blank heath d
IS. Next they will be blowin' about my votin' 81
disfranchise college students, and will be tt
blishin' my vote on the Visible Admixture CT
IL. There's nothin' that's too mean for 'em
do"
And the Gen. went on wondering whether so b
eat party as the Democratic party could be d.
nceived in sin, brought forth in iniquity, and ii
to eternal infamy. O