River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-04-24
Miscellaneous Items.
The sun shines on the flower bed,
And on the mountains brow
II you have overcoats to shed,
Prepare to shed them now.


The sun shines on the flower bed,
And on the mountains brow
If you have overcoats to shed,
Prepare to shed them now.
The woman whose husband refused
her chip bonnet when she asked him is
a blockhead.
An old bachelor says he's been so often
deceived by the chicken of the restaur.
ants and boarding houses that he calls ii
"the mocking bird"
Accidents will happen. Even George
Alfred Townsend occasionally tells tie
truth unintentionally -and bushes deep
ly when he discovers his mistake Puck
The man who can face March hurri-
cane without winking, will shiver all
over when his collar button comes out
and makes longitudinal pilgrimage to
the interior of one Of his boots.
1t is not always safe to assume that the
man who carefully removes his hat before
entering the outside door of the church
is highly reverential. He may have a
shocking bad hat.-BostOn Traueller.
If you think no one cares for you in
this cold world, just tell your neighbors
that you propose TO keep hens. You
will be surprised to see what an immedi-
ate interest they will manifest in you.
-SttII,Oater Lumberman.
If Adam had been created a boy instead
of a full grown-nan, he would have club
bed all the apples off from that tree be-
fore the serpent had chance to get
through the fence around the garden
CtiLL7Dntey LqlnlberDaan
Two darkics were Wanting their cour-
age II isn't feared o nothin', isn'r,'
said one. "Den, Sam, | reckon you isn't
feared to loan me dollah2" mo,
Julius, isn't feared to loan you dollab,
but l does hate to part wild an ole fren'
forebber."
Not many miles from Oil City once
stood wayside inn, up to which one
day drove two thirsty travellers. "Have
you license Tor selling liquor here2"
they asked. mo, sir; amt got no
license, but we've got jist the best kind
O. whisky. "-O1 City Derrick.
Two Ohio Nimrods. camped in the
woods of Michigan to hunt game, fol-
lowed bear track in the snow for three
days before discovering that bruin was
a land locker from Chicago who walked
with his toes turned in. They fred
shot at him, but he got away.-Free
Press
A Providence youngter, fond of visit
ing museums, of speculative turn of
mind, and very affectionate, startled his
mother the other day by remarkiDg that
ifshe died he would stuff her so he could
sit in her lap all the time. He after
ward added, "When | die, if don't go
where you are, III come back and die
over again. = Providence Journal.
nay and oats are so cheap in this State
that the Detroit Free Press thinks it is
cheaper for New Yorker to be jack
ass than man; and by Jovel we know
of several persons who have been acting
on the suggestion these six months
Buffalo Egpress.
The English language is wonderful for
its aptness of expression. When num-
Der of men and women set together and
look at each other from the sides of a
ruom-that's called sociable. When a
hungry crowd calls upon poor minister
and eats him out of house ard home
that's called donation party.-7urner's
Fdlls Reporter.
Three years ago young man gradu-
ated from the West Point Military Acad-
envy and came West. His soul was filed
with grand, lofty aspirations, and he
sought in the untrodden fields of activity
in the mighty West room for his soaring
genius to plume itself for flight. He
braced his feet as he prepared to shake
the globe. To-day he is travelling
agent for a Cincinnati corset factory.
A raw German who had been sum-
moned for jury desired to be relieved,
giving this reason: "Schuuge, l can
mich goot Inglish onderstan'." Looking
over the crowded bar, the judge replied:
"Oh, you can serve. You wont have to
understand good English; you wont hear
any such here"
A gentleman addressed another gentle
man, whom he doesn't know, at party:
"This affair is awfuliy stupid, let's go
out and take drink 81 would like to
do it" was the reply, "but can't leave
very WELL "Why not2' '.Why, you
see am the one that is giving the
party"
A Buffalo minister has been preaching
upon "The people we kick The people
we kick are those smaller than ourselves,
though the Buffalo cler lyman may occa-
sionally lift robust chrome peddler off
the front stoop when he knows his wife
is Immediately in his rear with broom.
-NoYTistoicn Herald.
A sergeant of zouaves had at the bat
tie of Orleans bis thigh smashed by
fragment of she'll. "Well, my poor fel
low" said his captain, who visited him
in the hospital, you must find it pretty |
lonesome work, being laid up here"
sOh, no, captain, not at all, was the re- |
Div. II suffer good deal, and that
makes the time slip by
~ don't deny that we have bugs, said |
[eadvilie landlord; "but you will not find |
mem the same wild Western animals
hcy have AT the other hotels in town. /
Nv bugs never ask more than half of the 1
,ed, and no guest has ever complained /
hat they kicked, snored, talked in their
ileep or spit on the carpet. sent clear
o Boston for this breed of bugs"
That Rochester physician who thinks
hat the tomato produces cancer should
De demonstrated with. Has the time
.rrived when msn can not look that
iearly-loyed vegetable square in the eye
without feeling as II something
we're gnawing at his vitaisf
But We have gone to far to retreat; bring
N your cancer.-N. Y. Com. Advertiser.