The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-04-25
VARIETIES,

| We can all tell the number of our pos
office boxes, but are not 80 certain of the
number of our church pews-Neao London
Telegram.
| 81 am afraid, dear wife, that while l an
gone, absence will conquer love-" ooh, new
er fear, dear husband, thelonger youstay away
| the better shall like you."
Said lady to the famous actor, Garrick
u wish you were taller" Madam" replied
the famous wit how happy should be to
stand higher in your estimation"
"A Scotch lady had invited gentleman tc
dinner on particular day, and he had accept
ed with the reservation; "1f I'm spared. y
"Weel, weel," said the lady, "if ye're dead III
not expect ye."
-Schoolmistress Gust beginning nice i'm
proving lesson upon minerals to the juniors)
Now, what are the principal things we gel
out of the earth?" Youthful angler aged foul
(contidently) "Worms."
This happened in a primary school. Elk
animation in geography was progressing, and
the teacher asked: "What are the three grand
divisions?" The answer came from a wee
bit of boy: "Water, ground and grass"
la Surprise" is the name of new hat
with three-quarters of a yard of feathers hang.
ing from the right side. 1t is SO called from
the surprised manner in which the husband
exclaims, la" when presented with the
bill
-"What do you know of the character OF
this man ?" was asked ola witness at DO
lice court the other day. "What do l know
of his character? know it to be unbleach-
able, your Honor" he replied, with much en-
phasis
"A little girl visiting her neighbor with
her mother, was gazing curiously at the hosts
new bonnet, when the owner queried: do
you like it, Laura?" The innocent replied
"Why mother said it was perfect fright; but
it don't scare me"
"A man when tried for stealing pair Of
boots, said he merely took the boots in q Joke
1t was found that he was captured with them
forty yards from the place where he had TAX
en- them from. The judge said he had carried
the joke too far.
"A country surgeon, who was bald, was
on visit to friends house, whose servant
wore wig After bantering him considera-
bly, time the doctor said: "You see how bald
| am, and yet wear no wig" "True, sir,"
replied the servant; "but an empty barn re-
quires no roof"
-"Every man should provide literally for
III IfCl SllCC my
marriage have kept my wife provided with
a sewing-machine, surmounted by fine mir
ror." "What is the mirror for ?" inquired the
party present. "Well" said the oracle, II
tell her that when she gets SO lazy that
she can't run the machine she can sit still and
see herself starve to death"
"A short time ago little boy went with
his father to see colt. He patted the colts
head and made quite fuss over it, until fl
nally the stable-man told him to be careful
that the colt did not turn around and kick
him. When the little chap went home his
mother asked him what he thought about the
colt. II like him pretty well" was the reply.
Hes real tame in front, but he's awful wild
behind"
Rev Mr. - had travelled far to preach
to congregation at -. After the sermon
he waited very patiently, evidently expecting
some of his brethren to invite him to dinner.
In this he was disappointed. One after anoth-
er departed, until the house was almost as
empty as the minister's stomach. Summon
ing resolution, however, he walked up to an
elderly looking gentleman, and gravely said ::
"Will you go home to dinner within to-day,
brother?'
where do you live"
"About twenty miles from this, sir"
NO" said the man, coloring; "but you
must go with me-"
"Thank you'll will cheerfully."
After that time the minister was no more
troubled about his dinner.