Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-04-11
Hawk-Eyetems.

1t is said that the sting of a hornet
will cure paralysis. We believe it will
for about five minutes.
Emma Abbott sings in $25 900 dia-
mond necklace. No wonder there's
music in notes of that denomination.
A new kind of ulster has just been
invented, with snow sheds all around
the collar and box tunnel down the
back.
A Chinaman with blonde hair is the
latest San Francisco novelty. Turn
him loose in the lecture field; is he not
by education, birth and nature a vel
low cue ZIONIST?
There is one happy thing in store for
the country. This Indian bureau bust
ness and the vexed question of its trans
fer will soon be finally settled. There
won't be any Indians left to bureau.
If it wasn't for the salt barrels ranged
along ON the sidewalk in front of the
country stores, some men would never
be able to sit down and wink at the sun
twenty one hours day, all their lives.
The other day man who had Just
signed his first naturalization papers
with his Y, frankly admitted to the
clerk of the conrt, that the American
system of public schools was hopeless
failure.
Eggs are now about fifty-seven cents
dozen, and there is ravenous de-
mand for them at the hotel tables by
the travelling public. When they get
4 30 al, c;v &c l.,
travelling man to look at one.
Horses were rare and very expensive
in ancient times, and the fact of their
rarity explains the omission of special
commandment from the decalogue, re-
straining men from solemnly swearing
to the biggest kind of lies when trading
horses.
Has honesty fed out of this coun-
try?" asks the New York Tribune. Not
at all, Mr.. Reid, not at all. He's down
in Missouri lecturing just now. but let
ters addressed to him at THE HAwKEYE
Office will reach him, just the same as
though he was at home.
The other night at theater in Bur-
lington, q baby laughed and crowed SO
heartily in very affecting passage, that
the pathos and sentiment of the piece
was all knocked endways. odd you
put the baby out?" the prompter asked
the tragedian when he came off Nav"
was the disguised response, the baby.
put me out!'
1t has just leaked out that the day
DIR. Schliemann excavated the tomb If
Agamemnon, just as he struck the
monarch's sepulcher, he heard low
chuckling laugh behind him, and
voice said, in good United States,
" Here, quick, put him in here!" The
doctor turned and saw an Ohio medical
student, holding a big india-rubber
bag.
There is one terrible revulsion of
feeling in a mans life that no eloquence
of pen has the power to describe. 1t
is when he falls prone, or pretty nearly
prone, to the earth, overwhelmed with
confusion and an anti-friction sidewalk,
and then looks around and pours out
his soul in grateful libations to the i'm
mortal gods, when he knows that no.
body saw him 60 down.
If you nave no money to give the
needy wretch who begs your aims, you
at least have sympathy, you can give
him kind word and gentle smile. If
he asks you for ten cents to buy bread,
smile kindly on him, and tell him you
haven't cent, but you can direct him
to a good, respectable hotel where he
can get good, plain board and pleas
ant room for eleven dollars week.
An enthusiastic member of Congress,
carried away by his zeal for retrench-
ment and economy, introduced bill
for the reduction of the salaries of
congressman. (This paragraph is not
at all funny, but then it is just as funny
as it is true, and one should never at
tempt to go beyond the truth in ones
efforts to be funny. The dear, sweet
truth f; what, oh, what if the politicians
should learn to tell it.
One of the most completely discour-
aging and demoralizing things that can
happen to a man, just after he has got
himself settled down in o railway car
with good book. and settled deter
mination not to be disturbed, is to have
plaid suit with soft young man in
oANO Va ApS SOAAO up w hAAAA oAAo SFAhSO
its intention of opening conversation,
by saying, Haw--aw-" three times,
in most intelligent manner.
What wealth there is in contented
spirit. When men has got all he can
carry and has fixed the rest of it so that
nobody else can get any of it, how hap.
ply he is If heaven should make man
SO big that he could clap the whole
world into his pocket, the unhappy
wretch would put it there, and then sit
down and fret himself into skeleton
because there was no poverty stricken
wretch left outside to envy him.
What does your husband do?"
asked the census man. " He amt dom
nothing at this time of the year." re-
piled the young wife. Is he pauper?
asked the census man. She blushed
scarlet to the ears. "Law, no T. she
exclaimed somewhat Indignantly. ave
amt been married more'n six weeks"
Then the census man threw down his
book and rushed out into the depths of
the gloomy forest. and caught hold of
a white oak tree three feet throuph To