The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-01-09
Miscellaneous.


A smashing business-Hail stones.
popular field oficer-A kernel of
wheat.
Tramps have not refused to take trade
dollars.
To produce telling effect communi-
cate secret to woman.
Little darkies in Florida are called al
ligitor blackberries.
The tune the old COW died on-"Shall
we meet each 'udder there2''
Patent medicine man-Yes, the can
nibals will take your aunt-if-fat.
Hard money is what ails US. We never
had very soft thing on money.
Why is the nose in the middle of the
face? Because it is the scenter (centre).
About the cheapest thing of the day is
sheet music. You can buy it for song.
A book is mans best friend, and the
only one he can shut up without giving
ofense.
To blow out kerosene lamp with safe
ty to yourself-Get somebody else to do
the blowing.
mule will behave himself eleven
years and six months just to get one off
hand shot at middle shirt stud
Forward the medal, please. A certain
compositor not four thousand miles from
this Office set up "Sock of Ajax" for
Rock OF Ages"
We are told that in Paris anything lost
may be recovered Is that the reason
why SO many go there who have lost their
reputation2
Benjamin Franklin's autograph sold
for thirty cents at recent sale. We
don't suppose ours would bring more
than thirty five cents.
A new terror is added to death for
country editors. Their bodies may be
stolen, and not returned until 81 ,0OO,0
in hard cash is paid down out of the es-
tate.
One of the Rothschilds signed FIVE
million dollars worth of checks in two
months. We didn't-hadn't the neces-
sary "time." In few weeks we will de-
vote part of each day to the business.
A Country Reader" of the fashion re-
ports inquiries what is meant by dol
man. A doll man is creature who parts
his hair in the middle, uses eyeglasses
when he can see ten times better without
them, wears a circus poster collar, lisps
little, and ends every sentence with "you
know"
Our friend Smith objects to the waltz.
1t should be borne in mind, however,
that Smith is almost as bow-legged as
WELL a photograph of Smiths legs
would present the following appearance,
to wit, q.
Mr.. Edward Ketchum and Miss Lizzie.
Wanzer, of New York, were married 9
few days ago, after a courtship of forty
years. Hymen become discouraged Wan
zer twice. He thought he wasn't going
to Ketchum.
do you want to get rid of anything on
your hands p asks the Camden Post.
Nothing that we can discover at present.
We use soap and water several times each
day, keep our finger nails clean and
haven't had wart for twenty five years.
A doctor in Madrid has invented
medicine which is warranted to preserve
human life for 160 years. An able bodied
committee should be appointed by Con-
gress, whose sole duty should be to pre-
vent this medicine from falling into the
hands of tramps.
DO for gracious sake, waiter, take
these nut-crackers over to that man." ex-
claimed nervous old lady sitting oppo-
site party who was bursting hickory
nuts with his teeth. mo, | thank you,
he said. politely returning them, mine
are not false teeth"
A scientist says that if man were to
stand on the earth and touch the sun
with his fingers, over three years would
elapse before he would feel that his fin
gers were burnt. A tramp tried the ex-
pertinent some years ago, and was so
badly injured as to be unable to work for
a long time past.
A snake was recently caught in Welsh
church by Charming" him from his re-
treat by the music of harmonium. A
snake is probably the only living creature
that can be charmed" by a harmonium.
And no doubt the reptile preferred to
come out and die than to listen any Ion
ger to its strains.
The English language is wonderful for
its aptness of expression. When a num-
Der of men and women get together and
look at each other from the sides of the
room-that is called sociable. When q
hungry crowd call upon poor minister
and eat him out of house and home
that's called a donation party.
Darn fool" says Harkins, who was
vexed, to his wife. $50 mote it be"
said Mrs. H., hourishing darning needle,
whereabouts shall l begin" Harkins
said some people are too smart to live
long, and was too awfully angry when
his wife congratulated him on his pros
poets for long life. Oh, the tongues of
these women!
The editor presented a bill for eight
years back subscription. The old farmer
was first amazed, then indignant He
put on his spectacles, scrutinized the bill,
and after assuring himself that it was
genuine, he exclaimed: i've been sup
portin' this yere paper for nigh onto
eight years, and l never had no such
thing as that flung at me before. III
Stop supportin' il" He not only with
drew his valuable support, but failed to
pay the bill.