The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1879-01-12
CURRENT HuMoR.

costly Wharf.-The boudoir.-tN. Y. Express
Some wicked chap has dubbed angels tn
mounted police Of Paradise Yonkers da
zette.
"What was Adams all r. Yonkers Gazette,
The extracted Juice OF the apple keokul
Constitution.
"A volcano" according to Brooklyn man
sis O mountain which gives forth smoke
flame and lager"
Adam was driven out of Paradise during
the night, OF course. 1t was certainly after
the fall OF Eve.
No veteran smoker would enjoy smoking
| In the dark because to smoke properly one
must have light.
Truth Is stranger than fiction. A man may
know that he Is liar, and yet he'll feel decid-
eddy strange when he Is called one
| Some brokers seems TO think that IL enough
real lies can be skiIlfully used about mining
stocks they can realize good profit.
Now that the search for the remains oil
Stewart is practically, given up we pre-
is satisfied.
Marriage" says a cynic us like putting
your hand into a bag containing ninety nine
snakes and one eel. You may get the eel, but
the chances are against you
Some Indian tribes file their teeth That is
because they are ignorant, uneducated saw
ages. When an civilized man wants to put
his teeth on edge, he sucks lemon.
Distinguished Divine Ito recent convert
I'VE propose to baptize you by the Turkish
bath method. 1t Is really the only means to
scrub your years of sin out OF you"
"Who brayed there2" asked member of
the Canadian House OF Commons OF the per-
sons who were trying by interruption to
silence him. 1T was an echo" retorted q
voice.
Skating Is q very healthful exercise. 1t not
only puts in play all the muscles of the legs
ana arms, but 1t creates bumps on the head
for future phrenologsts to feel of and report
on.-[ Free Press
II long," says Joaquin Miller, ITO return
to the woods once more" Well, IL anybody
Is holding on to Mr.. Miller, surely the gem
tleman knows enough to call for the police
Buffalo Express.
If you pick Photographer up for a fool SIM
ply because he writes foolish things, and a
preacher for saint simply because he says
he Is. you'll get most terribly fooled In both
instances Elmira Gazette.
Say, Johnsing, why does you remind me
OF a mad dog" said one colored brother to
another, who was recumbing under buffalo
robe Cub 1t up was the answer. "Kase
yous got hide-rough-obe Yah, yahp
The EImira Gazette recently published an
article headed IAN Afternoon La the Poor
house." Even an editor gets homesick some
times, and likes to visit his home, IL he can't
stay longer than half day Hartford Jour-
nal.
A Jew directs the public affairs OF Protes-
tant England; the most important depart
ments OF the government of Catholic France
are administered by Professionals, and the
5ultan's Minister Of Foreign Affairs Is
christian
"What would you do IL a girl kissed youY' |
SAID one ten-year-old urchin to another, as |
they discussed the latest society news. |
What would do? I'd kiss her back. What |
would you dOP' kiss her mouth" was the |
)ortentOus reply.
When DR.. Mary Walker was lately arrested
~ the police and taken before magistrate
or wearing pants, 1t Is said that she became
earthly excited and out Of breath, so that
Ter pants were heard all over the court room.
1 Whitehall Times.
beautiful English lady was walking In
he Rue de la PAX, when French dandy
.reatly annoyed her by pertinaciously dog
ing her and glaring at her She turned
ingle sou to give YOU"
In the near future the customer will say
INTO the barkeeper, "Gimme a cocktail with
lenty OF glucose and citric acid, and not too ,
1uch meth llated spirit" and having tasted
III say, mot quite 30 sweet as l usually
axe 1t-a little more muriate Of tin please"
Surely surgery advances. Virginian who
DIST part OF his chin, whether by using 1t too
1uch for music or by wiping it off too much. :
e do not learn, has had 1t replaced by one OF
liver. Now let him have his name engraved
q IT, and 1t will serve him both In this life :
nd afterward.
There is a good deal of fitness in making
80 OF the private office of j. Madison Wells
) the scene OF the Teller committees opera
ons. This apartment has long been one Of .
le familiar haunts OF fraud and Wells him. \ \
I'LL is an 1ncarnate outrage Washington
ost. = =
When woman combs her back hair into q
70 ropes holds one in her mouth until she q
lnds the other on her back comb, and then y
lds that she has lost her last hairpin, she p
els that the sex needs two mouths-one to
DID the hair 10, and the other to make re- a
arks with Exchange.
lady writes and asks: "Will you please G
tell me how to cut my winter cfoak?"
ell, that's little out of our ordinary line. | :
1t about the quickest way to cut it Ia to get
'od pair OF sharp scissors and gouge hole =
ght out OF the back. Seventy-fve cents, q
ease.-t Elmira Gazette 6
Boys" said the man holding an inverted (
atch in one hand and dark cigar in the p
mel, never acquire the pernicious habit OF IT,
loklng. L am q slave to it now and vet I "a
te IL. never see cigar that do not want 81
purn 1t up. And then, with extreme satis- Of
action, he burned up the one he held In his
nd Hawkeye.
a young, bride, momentarily expecting the
turn OF her husband, was handed q tele- G
aph1c dispatch. which SO excited her that. :
thout having strength to break the envel- B.
g, sne tainted away Upon recovering she q
eek !, were her first words, IL Thought Won 81
az fallen down and cut your throat with one 90 ~
tnose horrid standing collars" 90
~eS
Lard ON Hell.
n the Richmond Nv Roo;afn~ 80 al ~. | g