The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1879-12-24
Wit and Humor. 81
"0h take me to the Rxposition!''

While he In calmness reached round
And drew her to his side.
Then put her neck within his arm,
OF course with her volition,
And said. my love, I consider this g.,
To be q neck's position"
A soar task allooning.
Coda money syllable.
To raze q house-lower it.
Check-mate-A liberal husband.
No quarter-A twenty-ccnt piece.
Lucifel matches Marrying for money.
Is the taut 'og related to the learned pigq
Low rents Tears in the sole of a shoe.
The miser is the great original chest
protector.
| A man who steals Tor l1ving-The
blacksmith.
The Russian plan of settling Nihilism
is knout-y
Life Is to short Tor its possessors to
wear long faces.
Thoughtful men are then ours, and apt
to be dog-matlcal.
Speaking ofnautical terms, was Noah's
wife his first mate?
| At a spelling match one man spelled
"pasnip,'' and got beet.
It's presumable that Noah's wife was
at one time an ark angel.
You can always find sheet of wa ter
on the bed of the ocean.
"Alas! - he cried-"alas for me!" She
heard but still lass would be.
| Instinct vs.. reason-A cat having lost
her kittens, following mutton pie man.
The pretty girls wear them to be in
the fashion, and call them "whiskcr-
ettcs." s. . .,.+.I,.z,
| The wife OF Philadelphian who had
his lite heavily insured, set his death
down to profit and loss.
Never be too warm in your praise of
lady's lady friends, Friendship should
be encouraged, not discouraged. -~
II am a broken man." said peet. $50
l should Think" was the answer, ssfor Y
have seen your pieces. ~ .. ..
He said he wanted her to be his help
meet; and she replied that she could nev-
er be more than assister to Kim.
When Montague was i'll, he earnestly
begged his friends to wait until he was
stronger before they called a doctor.
':You need a little rouge, my dear"
said Sack Frost to the leaf. And the
leaf soon found it was drop game.
~ should like to see that gold mine,"
said Smythekins, as he watched them
counting quarter eagles in the treasury.
A hotel-kecpcr described mosquito
as "a customer who tries to get inside
1.-THE bar and take a nip without paying
| tor it." .#I =
Why will newspapers persist in say
ing that trees were torn up by the roots !:
when everyone knows they are torn up
by the storm? ... ~
eff there's no moonlight. will you meet
me by gaslight, dearest Jul1ana2" "No,
Augustus, WON'T" she said; "I'm no
gas-meter."
A professional teacher of elocation ad-
vertises ''voice buildings a speciality" 1t
is presumed he uses the right kind OF
timber.
! "A little boy came to his mother recent
nv and said: "Mamma, I should think
if was made Of dust, I would get mud
dy inside when I drink"
A recent picnic was turned into a hol-
low mockery by every fellow remember
ing corkscrew and depending on some
body else to furnish the bottle. .
A little Partisan mendicant followed a
gentleman, whining Monsieur, give
me just sou, I'm an orphan by birth ~
The definition was worth ten confines
to her.
State the difference between grocer
selling pound of sugar, and an apothe-
cary's boy with pestle and mortar.
One weighs apound and the other pounds
away. '.': d..
"Money does everything tor a man.
said an old gentleman pompueusly. ayes,
replied the other one. "but money won't
do as much for man as some men will
do for money" ..-."> >ta -, a..-
A woman who turned up her nose and
| said with u sheer that she couldn't mar
~ mechanic" was right after all. No
mechanic would have her. So she was
mighty right, she couldn t.. s..9......
The upper section OF Franklin County,
Me. is justly celebrated for its fine focks
of Meriuo and grade Merino sheep,
"AANA {" ACOOAI correspondents SPEAKS Ill
terms Of highest praise.
''There is nothing like settling down.
said retired merchant confdentially to
his neighbor. "When gave up business,
I settled down, and found had quite a
comfortable fortune If / had settled
up, shouldn't have cent
The season ofthe year has come around
when young man may 60 to social
gathering to exchange sentiments with a
pretty young woman and over-coats with
the young man unfortunate enough to
use the most prominent peg in the hall.
When the old gentleman comes home
and finds his daughters have got his slip
pers and the easy chair, and the evening
paper ready for HIM, he realizes that It
is the season for a fall opening. Of his
pocket-book. ta
| Heavy merchant to young man: you
are now in my employ, some six weeks;
our conduct, your requirements are
admirable; but whatsI admire most is
the punctuality with which you come
half an hour too late every day."
Some women are very absent-minded,
and frequently forget where they left the
dishpan after using it, but the world
L 4 "A