Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-08-15
Hawk -Eyetems.

! that she made the match herself.-
| V0rCrlV.
iawk-Eyetems.
They haven't had an earthquake in
California for 50 long the natives feel
ashamed to have stranger come into
the state.
"Why do men lie ?" asks the Wash
ington Post. Can't tell. indeed! Didn't
know they did, in fact. Do they,
really, though?
"June,' aptly remarks the Polar
bear of the Buffalo Express, " would
be very enjoyable but for the danger Of
freezing to death"
No, Mr.. Lamar, it may not be q "back-
down" but there is laundering sight
bigger strain on the breeding than
there is on collar, all the same.
The Paris clock faces are illuminated
by electricity. In this country hui
man faces are frequently illuminated in
the same way ; by Jersey tightening.
"What," exclaims the Meriden Re
corder, " equals the laugh of woman ?"
Well, rather than have the equation
fail, let Y equal the laugh of woman.
George Washington never made but
one pun in his life. And forgot that,
before he could tell it. This is what
endears his memory to the American
people.
A Pittsburg policeman wants his
rank and pay raised because his wife
had triplets. If that isn't the cheek Of
a man. He! He have his pay raised.
Promote the woman; that's what.
elbow did I get it ?" is the title Of a
new novel. We don't know positively
but we rather think you stole it. This
brings the question fairly before the
house. so now 60 on with the debate.
The Marshalltown Times says: /" The
Des Moines police Judge fines the law
yers that call each other liars inncourt.
An appeal will probably be tSken on
the ground that it is attempting to sup
press the truth"
The spinners of all the Fall 1esve
mills have struck. We noticed some
time ago that old Spinner's signature
had joined the strikers, and it seemed
as though every last spinner of them
had struck it with a tangle of barbed
wire fence.
eft is not all of death to de-" sang
the old poet. He was right. The
greatest part of death, about ninety
eight out of possible one hundred, is
to leave your estate in such a shape that
your children will get nearly as much
of it as the lawyers.
The ugly girls never get married and
the common young men die old bach
elors. No matter who is married, the
bride, in the report is always" beauti-
full and accomplished" and the sheep
ish groom is invariably the son of one
of our best families"
Swinburne swings, " hid my head
in nest of roses" Did you, Alger-
non, did you? That was wise in you
to hide it among the roses. Now if
you had covered it up in a nest of cab.
bages, when you came to pick it out
again you could not have told, for the
life of you, which head was yours.
Stick to the roses, old boy, every time.
A sharp swindler, down in st. Louis
arrayed himself in woman's clothes and
went around with plausible story and
borrowed money from twenty people.
They were awfully mad when they
sought the woman and found him out.
They didn't mind his masquerading so
very much; it was his sex actions they
desplsed.
At Des Moines the ordinance re-
straining cattle from running at large
at night has been repealed, and the
Register says that purse is being
raised by prominent citizens to hire
boys to 60 around late of nights to
prop open the gates of members Of the
city council, in order to give the roam
ing cows and councilmen the full bene-
fit of the repeal.
"We can not 60 below the bottom OF
anything" said Professor Miller, the
last day of school. Eyes, we can,"
interpolated the smart bad boy. "Ah,"
said the professor, in tones that indi-
Gated his doubt. land what is it that
extends beyond the bottom?" "Straw.
berry box" shouted the smart bad boy,
and before the professor could stop
the class, the boy received three en-
cores and rocket.
A few days ago there died in the
| town OF vernon, Wlnneshlek county,
an aged farmer named Carpenter, who
left a will begueathing to his son an
old chest that had been an heirloom in
the family. On opening the chest the
son was surprised and incensed to find
that it contained nothing of value. He
so reported to the remaining members
of the family, when they persuaded
him to make further investigations,
which he did by taking the chest apart.
In doing so two cleats, each half an
inch thick and perforated with anger
holes, were discovered. Tearing off
these cleats, the young man found that
they were hollow, and that the space
between the lid and the bottoms of the
cleats had been filled with gold coins
by the thoughtful parent. How long
they had beer stored in such singular