The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1879-01-28
AN AWFUL FIX.
The Ferris Of Amateur Female Pc
des;rians.
What Happened to Old Mr.. Jones'
Family.

Old Jones had Observed certain mySteTi.
ous signs among the female portion I'll the
household that betosen Preparations for
some even. ii more than ordinary impor-
tanee, cut thinking il surprise party, or
something IL that nature, lie paid no a,ten
lion to il. LIST Friday night Nc. Jons.
went io see Madam DuPre and the other
women walk. and he WA delighted. He
picked his way carefully through the mud
about II o'clock. and when lie turned the
corner he vas surprised to see the front
parlor blaze Of light "lisng III. he
mnitered, "ano,her one Of those cus-ed sur
prises." But as Le drew near to the door
he MAS as,oni:hsd 10 find Il big crowd Of
| men aud boys crowded up to the front win
low-, and gazing in with intense interest
aud shouting enthusiastically
''l'ii be, ON The old woman
"Thai little ONES : sumner. Look at
those stride,.'
"rhs,'s the second lap the old woman has
made on the young one"
"lloaray far the cid woman" yelled q
dirty fscci little boy up in = peach tree, an
a limb that hung by the window. The
boy swung his hat with srch enthusiasm
that the limb broke ami sent him crashing
through the window into the psriOr
HcrriGed and alsrmed beyond measure,
with a vague pre.ca;iment OF some awful
calamity, Mr.. Jone- sp'ans up tie steps
and opened the psrlor door. As he did 40,
the sight that met his gaze parslyzei him
with establishment. All the furniture had
heen removed, the carpet taken up. the
/ noor covered with sawdusi, and a ring had
been made by s,ringirg the clothes line
around circle IL stakes Around tins
ring his wife was walking with pro
digious speed. She weighed 100, AMI
vas dressed in Tight, holding up both
hands in front Of her, and the sweat stream
ing from every pore. Around that ring she
went, with her t-eth set hard. and perfectly
oblivious To anything around, above or be-
meath her, except her Oldest grown dsueh-
ter, Jane, Who ~ss dressed in = similar
manner, and about fifteen feet in the rear
oi her mother, walking for dear life. The
youngest daughter. Susie, was pounding the
piano in the corner with all her nigh, and
main. and the way she ihumPed
Tramp. tramp, si.e boys are rnar.hiuy.'
was asonixing TO witness and hear. OLD
Jones held mp both hand, in horror, and
shouted, "Ma-ri ar. in hevings name, VIVA,
doe. all this n,csn?'
On they went, paying no attention to the
old man, only slsncing a. they passed the
blackboard, at which little Tommy was
seated ON high stool with bis father. gold
watch in his hand keeping time and tally.
In the meantime, the little dirty. faced
boy that had fallen through the window,
crawled astonished into a corner and sat
upon the floor unobserved. But he had
forgotten something-his old big white bull
dog, Towser. Towser hadn't forgotten any.
thing. He had seen his young master fall
of the limb through that window, and he
proposed to investigate the matter. lie ran
around shutting on the ground outside for
minute or two. looked up at the broken
window, and made up his mind in an in
slant. Gather his huge limbs close together,
he made one tremendous spring and carried
in the whole window-sash with him clear
into the middle Of the room. With . Wild
shrek Mrs. Jones sprang from the track
with old Tow.er after her, little Tommy fell
Of the stool With the lamp in his hand and
set the saw-dust on fire. Old Jones put for
the cellar. leaving the door open, and Mrs.
Jones darted through il and down the front
steps into the street, with series Of shrieks
and old Towser close at her heels, until she
fell heels over head by catching her foot in
hole in the sidwalk, and tainted dead
away. Old Towser bounded clear over her
and installing drug store window for the
spangles on Mrs. Jones' costume. he kept
On right ahead with his mouth wide open.
| In the meantime the house was on
fire and the crowd rushed right
10 ard filed the house, picked up Jore-'
gold watch, broke al the crockery and cut
up the piano with axes to get it out easy.
The 6remen paIled down the front fence
and in two minutes Ike Graham flooded the
house vith water.
And where Was Jones?
When he rushed to the cellar door his
foot clipped and he sho, down those stairs,
eight feet, and landed head FIRST into bar
rel Of potatoes that had frozen and then
rotted.
He was pulled out BY the heels and
slowly assisted up stairs to the ruins. his
head and face looking As If 800 pound
shell fred from . hogshead Of lard had
struck him just over the right ear.
Mn. Jones was brought home on q dray
and unloaded on to lounge.
The oldest daughter vas upstairs-sick.
Susie vas in bed with salve on the blis-
ten on the ends Of her fingers.
Little Tommy has big bump on the
back oil HE head that resembles . swelling
At the butt Of . big apple tree.
The dirty-faeed small boy in getting out
out Of the bubbub happened to pas
through the kitchen, and thinking the
house Vas burning up, he saved . big piece
Of cold beef and . mince pie. He then
vent out and sat on IN ash barrel in the
alley and vhistled. Tovser heard il, and
instantly responded-he got the beef and
the boy got the pie.
We noticed as we passed tbs house this
morning . small sign on the front gate
read:
"CL0sED POR REPAIRsv
THE OYSTER NAN