Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1879-12-25
s5tlisretian
JOHN CARRIERS SIN.

Rose Terry Cooke in Christian Union.
John Carter was christian man by
profession and in heart too, but he had
been sOrely tempted to great sin; 1t does
not matter to us what it was. In Il state
of such dependence, such despair of life
and happiness, such deep affection for
others who suffered with HIM that he
scarcely cared what he did, and he forgot
all things except the present distress and
the offered escape; he did thing that he
knew was wrong and wicked a thing
would have blasted hi; reputation and
wrecked his character in all mems eyes il
it were found out. But it was not; it
hung about his neck like secret mill
stone after the distress that tempted HIM
was gone and the sin done with. There
were years when he could not pray or read
his bible; when memory brought mp to
him all the texts Of condemnation and
none Of the mercltul words OF scripture
He said to himself that he was another
Esau, and could find no place for repent
ancc. His voice was never heard in a
prayer meeting; he avoided the cOmmun-
ion table-lraming some excuse Of illness
or making absence from town necessary at
those stated times; he could not pray by
his dying father, thoagh the pale lips
whispered request that he should do so.
The bitterness of death cOmpasscd him
about, and though he loved his father
deeply he was glad the old man died be-
fore he knew Of his son lmquity.
Time after time the wish rose in his
heart that he could confess to man his
transgreSsiOns and be freed trOm the in
tolcrablc burden Of his secret, but this
could not be done without bringing to his
family disgrace and grief he had no
right to involve them in. He had in the
world phrase, harmed nobody but HIM.
self by his transaction, since he had come
Out OF it without exposure; Ind been sue
cesslul in covering up an action in itself
criminal, hut harmful most to himself.
The position was peculiar, and exquis.
| itcIy painful to man with tender con-
science, tOr to such sin is misery; and yet
they fail into it as easily as worse men, as
all history assures us. But after time
of heart broken agony and hopeless peni-
tence John Carter began to find out once
again that God IS mcrcilu; he ceased to
look into his own heart, and fixed his eyes
upon that Saviour who came to save from
sin as well as from sin spenalty. Humbly
and slowly, like Il punished child, he crept
back into new religious life; wounded
it is true, crippled to Il certain extent, but
submissive, repentent, and filed with
charity for his fellows. He knew that he
could never recover his self-respect, never
forget his fall, but he accepted that as the
result of transgressiOn; and said like Jere
miah:
"Wherefore doth living man complain
a man for the punishment OF his sins.
All this was within himself so his fami.
ly and his friends he was only little
graver than usual as many men become
grave with increasing years; he was now
a constant attendant at church, gave free
| ly to good objects, and seemed to Other
men quiet earnest, kind hearted man
implicitly to be trusted, leaning rather t.
generosity than to justice.
| What he endured in all this time was
known only to himself and to God; his
conscience tormented him continually, il
was by Il constant recalling OF the promis
es to repentUnt sinners that he endured
life. No doubt he knew hundred who
had Sluned us deeply MS he had and as
successfully concealed their sin, but hC
did not know that in all the hundred moi
one suffered such agonies or regret ant
repentance as he did. To them the thing
was over, done with; their business wa,
to see to this days work or duty; they pu
the past decislvely behind them not be
cause they ought to, but because they
wanted to, But to a sensitive moral, ma
ture like his this course was impossible
even though he felt assured that fol
Chrst's his grcivous sin was forgiven
above, he could not forget its commission
| Day after day he rctraced every step Of
his temptation; recalled the half crazet
state of mind in which he was for weeks
the sin itself; the cOncealments he hat
resorted to, in themselves degrading; tht
terrors Of discovery; the aPonics of re
morse.
He grew morbid with this introspection
perpetually thinking of himself, life be
came bitter in all its usages. He neve
vent into society without thinking. 81
these people knew about mel" He neve
received cold look but he felt that posi-
| bly, the man who gave it had fanthomeC
his secret and despsed him. Over anc
over he said to himself. "What if Sari
knew it?" and his whole heart shivereC
within him. He did Sara-who was hi
wife-the greatest injustice in thi'
ought. She vas n woman more thar
usually loving. unselfish and forgiving
If John could have told her-which wa
out of the question-out of her decomposition
and tenderness he would haye felt his way
back to healthy spiritual life, but without
the touch of human sympathy he fount
it hard to lay hold on the divine, and saw
even .ns im.her i wing Love' niS eit,ng chila ",