The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-03-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

WAX 04N0 AGMVAw
A FALL of rama wet autumn,
THE main chants-Songs of the sea.
A BIG misunderstanding fat girl.
WOMEN seldom keep Lent Silent, we
mean. ....
The spirit of the times Crooked
whisky.
OF what is it impossible to make a
custard? Adversity's sweet milk, phi
losophy.
WHICH of Shakspeare's plays is the
last day of February? "The Winters
Tale" taiD.
WHY should pigeon make good
carpenter? Because he knows a hawk
from hand-saw.
WHAT sort of hard things can you
throw at dog without hurting him?
Words-hard words.
WHEN a man dies from the effects of
drink, it is proper to say that he has
been "spirited away"
"TH1s is a prime airy meeting" said
the politician, when he found there was
no fire in the ward room.
Noah was the first man who strictly
observed Lent. He lived on water for
forty days and forty nights.
THERE wouldn't have been any milk
in the cocoanut if some of our dairy
men had had the original construction
of it.
The French are acquiring more
stable government every year. Paris
alone consumed 11,219 horses for food
last year.
"YEs," she remarked, the poor, dear
man was getting along as well as could
be expected, but he had relax, and
that ended him"
MOTHER" said a little square-built
urchin about years old, why can't
the teacher make me monitor some
times? I can lick every boyin my class
but one"
A SUBSCRIBER sends us the following
atrocious conundrum: Why is a man
who looks at Barnum's giantess like an
ancient Emperor? Because he sees her,
the great.
JOAQUIN MILLER declares that he
longs to return to the woods; and let us
hope that he will do so before the game
laws are in force again.-PittSb1LTgh
Telegraph.
"WHAr are you trying to read?"
asked visitor of an old gentleman who
was nodding over the evening journal.
"Oh!" replied his wife. "that's his
snoose-paper."
GREAT JOY sometimes proves fatal
Therefore, it is with some misgivings
that we announce to the world that
Massachusetts baseball player hanged
himself few days ago.-Philadelphia
Chronicle
The father of st. Louis bride pre-
sented his son-in-law with $4,000 head
of cattle. Papa DEAR" exclaimed his
daughter when she heard of it, that
was SO kind of you; Charley's awfully
fond of ox-tail SOUP"
ALL he could do, Dorchester man
couldn't light the lamp, though he used
every tooth in his wife's hair-comb for
matches; but there was an explosion
hCAO 1OI Wu1Cu G1lo h0lOSS1G
lamp was not responsible.
AN aristocratic papa, on being re-
quested by rich and vulgar young fell
low for permission to marry "one of his
girls" gave this rather crushing reply:
Certainly; which would you prefer,
the waitress or the COOKE" .t...
MoTHER-N-LAw, holding the scream
ing baby: "Dear little darlin', how it
looks like it's papa now!" Papa wonders
why it is that his wife's mother always
compares the baby to him when it is
crying, and not at other times.
An Irish Quaker was recently replied
to by lady listener. The Quaker was
exclaiming against agitation. The lady
responded: What good in the world
was ever done without agitation? We
cannot even make butter without it."
All, yes," said Mrs. Darlington, some
years ago, on the 22d of February, as
she watched the military pass by. "Ah,
yes, Washington is dead, and the worst
of it is that his mantle-piece don't seem
to have fallen on any man now living"
SCENE: Fancy hosiery; facetious
youth purchasing bow for his sweet
heart. Facetious youth Ito the shop
girl-" suppose you have all kinds of
ties here, miss?" Shop-girl Yes; I
believe we have, sir. What kind would
you like to see?" Facetious youth
,,winking to his sweetheart)- =" Gould
you supply me with pigsty?" Shop
girl =" With pleasure, sir; just hold
Town your head and I'll take your