The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1879-06-20
Strippings.
What the Funny Papers Give Down.

HOTEL PORTER.
1t was during the reign of the good Caliph,
when Abou Tamerlik came to the city Of Bag
dad, threw his gripsack ON the counter, and,
as he registered, spake cheerfully unto the
clerk, saying
"A sample room on the first floor, and send
my keyster up right away, and call me for the
6.2S train in the morning."
And Basler Ell Jab, the clerk, looked at him,
but went away to the mirror and gazed at his
new diamond.
And Abou Tamerlik hied him forth and
went into the booths and bazars, and laid hold
upon the merchants and enticed them into his
room and spread out his samples and besought
them to buy. And when night was come he
slept. Because, he said, it is dead town and
there is no place to go.
And before the second watch of the night,
Rhumul em Uph the porter, smote on the PAN
els of his door and cried aloud:
"Oh, Abou Tamerlik, arise and dress, for it
is train time"
And Abou arose and girt his raiment about
him and hastened down stairs and crept into
the bus.
And he marveled that he was so sleepy, be-
cause he knew he went to bed exceedingly
early and marvellously SOBER
And when they got to the depot, 10, it was
the mail west, and it was 1925 p. IN.
=, And ANou Taneriii swore and reached for
the porter that he might smite him, and he
said unto him:
Garry me back to my own room and see
that thou call me at 6.28 a. m, or thou diest."
And ere he had been asleep even until the
midnight watch Rhumul EN- Uhp smote
again again on the panels OF his door and cried
Awake, Abou Tamerlik, for the time wan
eth, and the train stayeth for no man. Awake
and haste, for slumber overlook thy servant,
and the way is long and the bus gone!"
And Abou Tamerlik arose and dressed, and
girded up his lcins and set forth with great
speed, for his heart was anxious. Neverthe-
less, he gave Rhumul EN- Uhp quarter and
made him carry his grip, and he cursed him
for driveling laggard.
And when they were come to the train it
was IL .46 p M, and it was way freight going
SOUTH
And Abou Tamerlik fell upon Rhumul EN-
Uhp and smote him and treated him roughly,
and said:
.''Oh, pale gray ass of all asses, the prophet
pity thee if thou callest me once more before
the 6.28 a. m. east.'
And he gat BIN into his bed.
Now, when sleep fell heavily upon Abou
Tamerlik, for he was sore discouraged, Rhumul
em Uhp kicked fercely against the panels of
his door and said:
"Oh, Abou Tamerlik the drummah awake
and dress with all speed. 1t is night in the
valleys. but the day star shines on the noun
tains. Truly the train is even now due at the
depot, but the bus is indeed gone.'
And Abou Tamerlik, the drummah, swore
himself awake and mt his rOhac and hast
ened to the depot, while Rhumul em Uhp, the
porter, went before with a lantern.
For it was pitch dark and raining like house
a-fire.
gravel train going west, and the clock in the
steeple tolled a. m.
And Abou Tamerlik fell upon Rhumul EN-
Uhp, the porter, and beat him all the way
home, and pelted him with mud, and broke
his lantern and cursed him. And he got him
to bed and slept.
Now, when Abou Tamerlik awoke the sun
was high and the noise of the street car ratified
in the street. And his heart smote him, and
he went down stairs, and the clerk said to
him:
"Oh Abou Tamerlik, live in peace. 1t is
too late for breakfast, and too early for dinner
nevertheless, it won't make any difference in
the BILL"
And Abou Tamerlik, the drummah sought
Rhumul em Uhp, the porter, and caught him
Wy tlo DtdIu duu SdlQ uUIO uln.
'.Oh, chuck ell edded pup (which is Thou
that sleepest at train time0, why hast thou
forgotten me?''
And Rhumul EN- Uhp was angry, and said:
"Oh, Abou Tamerlik, the drummah, hasty
in speech and slow to think; wherefore
shouldst thou get up at daybreak, when there
is another train goes the same way tomorrow
morning."
But Abou Tamerlik would not hearken unto
nm, but paid his bill and hired team and a
hitf,f tn fha VT Al r.
hired the team at the livery stable, and he
cursed the house that he put up at.
Now, the livery stable belonged to the land
lord all the same. But Abou Tamerlik, the
drummuh, wist not that it was so.-Burlington
Hawkeye.
NO SMOKING IN HERE.
''You can't smoke in here" said a John
street conductor to countryman, who was pull
ing away vigorously at five cent cigar in a
car half full of ladies.
The man didn't seem to hear.
II say" cried the man of the bell-punch, in
louder key, eff you want to smoke come out
here on the platform"
"All right," returned the passenger, and he
stepped out. "Didn't think it would hurt
nothin," he said, apologetically; "seeins
there amt any straw in the car to catch fire, /"
But there are ladies there
"Oh, yes. Didn't think nothin bout that.
Might get ashes on their gowns and spile
'em."
ut isn't SO much that" explained the con-
ductor, "but ladies object 20 smoke"
Well, didn't ask any ON 'em to smoke,
did |? They needn't object before they are
invited
"You don't understand. Smoking is disa
greeable to ladies'
"Best reason in the world why they shouldn't
practice it. Catch me smoking if it was disa-
greeable to mel" And he TRANQUILITY puffed
away at his five-center.-Griswold.
"powN FINE
sect your tickets at the wagon!'' screamed
the doorkeeper of the circus yesterday to a
young man with a girl on his arm who had a
handful of small change. '"This is the third
time you have come here without tickets when
you know can't take money"
The young man and his girl fell back, and as
they did not go near the ticket wagon and yet
seemed very anxious to see the circus. curious
minded citizen edged around and enquired Of
the young man:
"Why don't you buy tickets if you want tc
go IMP.
"Cause I'm short!" was the whispered re-
ply. 81 didn't low enough for incidentals
when was figgering on the cost of this thing
but don't want the gal to know it,"
"How much are you short?"
"Only five cents. figgeeed that ten shil-
lings would paw all expenses, but got left
We spent ten cents ON peanuts, ten cents on
the street cars, and five in candy. l had just 9
dollar left to pay onr way in, when the gal got
peanut shuck in her throat and had to buy
glass Of lemonade to wash it down. Didn't dc
| it though till had pounded heI on the back
more'n fifty times and tried to pull up one o
them fire hydrants by the roots"
"I'll lend you five cents to make up YOU
| dollar" said the citizen.
"You will? By gosh! that lets me out! III
made up my mind to tell the gal that the tiger
| had got loose and the hyenas had run mad, bu
| she's long-headed and might not have believed
it. Thankee, sir, and the fust time I'm initowr
| I'll pay it back. Hang it, orter iggered OIL
'leven shillings, stead of ten, but you've mad
| me happy for life. Come, Bets!"
| STATE NEWS.