Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1879-04-09


the span of life. Turner's Falls Reportey.
The Free Press calls baby carriages
that turn out IN this weather croupees.
The small boy inwardIy yearns to be
curled up by a cucumber Orleans
Picayune.
Late to bed and early to ryes wears
out the strongest constitution New Or
leans PicayAne
An exchange shouts "Spring is on
hand" Yes; regular on handspring.
-Nea0 York Herald.
Cheering to owners of real estate
The small boys pantaloons are easily
rent.-Boston Transcript.
Some men read very funny thing
with an inward chuckle-others indulge
in Observation-Disclosures.
Your professional pedestrian may be
said to be man who profits by his ex-
tremities.-AIbony Journal
You have, of course, seen many a
beer basement, but did you ever see a
dram attic?- Chicago Commercial Adver-
tiser
The woman who is ambitious to
make her husbands shirts shine re-
splendently must have an iron will
Toledo Commercial.
The soldier may draw a useful lesson
from the old carpet, observes Puck. 1t
shows It's cOlOrs the palmer the more it
| is beaten.
LAST years beats should now be bur-
led SIX feet deep. If not, they are sure
to sprout again and give much trouble.
Boston Transcript.
Game" said he, 81 think, if you lifted
your feet away from the fire, we might
have some heat in the room" And
they hadn't been married two years
either.
The Canadians did not yell for "pro-
lection" until they learned that their
new Governor General Lorne wrote
spring poetry.-Norristoyn Herald.
The Nebraska farmer swears that the
blackbirds and grasshoppers sit on his
fence while be IS sowing grain and chant
Sin that's wheat by and by."-Ier7ltorial
Enterprise.
The man who can calmly and serene
ly roll up his trousers and walk half a
mile in a driving rain to catch train.
is destined to become either bank
president or cherubim.-Ncw York En-
press.
IF you don't believe the ladies have
Iicense-large license-to become ped
estrians, just watch as she paddles home
in rainstorm. with her love of bon
net on and no umbrella Waterloo Oh.
Seruer.
The small boy is now taken in by his
bigger companion, who persuades him
that dilapidated jack-knife is good
trade for nice new ball of string and
four three-cent glass agates.-New Ha-
zen Register.
That was neat bull one of our cler-
gymen perpetrated in his sermon the
other day. Speaking of Bunyan in
prison, he said: mo one but his blind
daughter came to see him. "-Sprinqfeld
Union.
Wives are reminded that it is time to
drain their husbands pockets in antici-
patton Of Easter bonnets. Without
thorough draining, no flowers can be ex.
pected.-Boston Transcript.
Thirty years ago careless little boy
threw banana skin on the sidewalk
A few days ago he was hanged. The
rising generation will perceive in this a
terrible warning .-Philadelphia Chronicle
Herald.
1t is easier for camel to pass through
the eye of needle than it is for a
Young woman in fur-lined silk cloak
to walk along without letting it flap open
| Just a little, to show that the fur is more
than mere border.
"What do you know of the character
of this man?'' was asked Of witness at
police court the other day. "What
do I know Of his character? | know II
to be unbleachable, your Honor" he re-
piled, with much emphasis.
II you think that no one cares for you
in this cold world, just tell your neigh,
bors that you propose to keep hens
You will be surprised to see what an
immediate interest they will manifest IN
YOU. -StiLl,Uater LAnabe7naa11.
If there is any one thing that will
grab a man by the coat-collar and nau
him down through memory's halls it is
to stand idly by and see troop of child.
rem enjoying the childish rapture Of
sliding down the banisters.-W Waterloo
Observer.
A young man who was kicked off the
front doorstep, while endeavoring to
serenade his girl, by her enraged papa
was too cautious to call him an ole
pirate. but he didn't hesitate to deslg
nate him as a freebooter Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
A raw German who had been sum
moned for jury duty desired to be re
lieved, giving this reason: "schudge,
can Mich goot Inglish onderstan''.
Looking over the crowded bar, tn
Judge replied: ooh, you can serve
You won't haye to understand goo!t
English; you won't hear any suci
here"
Horny-handed son Of a hod-carrl {,
| hot