St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-02-21
Squibs.

see for yourself, man, you only stuffed
my poor parrot in the summer, and
here's his feathers tumbling out before
your eyes" Taxidermist: Lor bless
we IN, that's the triumph of our art.
We stuff 'em that natural that they
moults in their proper season."
"Have you eveI been in prison ?"
asked lawyer of IA witness, whom he
was disposed to badger and bully, as
the profession are apt to do. eyes,
sir.n ''When ~ ain 1868" ''Where ~
'!In Andersonville." There was a mo-
mentary pause for breath, and then
round of applause that shook the court
room. The lawyer felt all the rest of
the day as if an inch and half hose at
tached to a street hydrant was playing
to the tune of the ''Rogue's March, up
and down his spinal column.
When little Thomas stoops to toy
with berries, jam ard jelly-cake, no art
can soothe the chastened bOy-nO nos
trum ease his stomach-ache. And if
the gripping pains defy the medicines
prescribed to foil his parents will do
well to try the limpid, liquid castOr-Oil.
Meeting a commercial traveller who
was pretty drunk, Grubbins remarked
to his wife, "Tight as drum, amt he 2"
"Worse'n that" she answered, "he's as
tight as a drummer"
The English language is wonderful
for its aptness of expression. When
number of men and women get tOgeth-
er and look at each other from the sides
of room-that's called a sociable.
When hungry crowd call upon a poor
minister and eat him out of house and
home-that's called a donatiOn-party.
1t was a funny but expressive way
way the five-years-Old had of describ-
ing the decorated military officer he
pointed out to his mother, "as the SOL
dier with all those baggage-checks on
his coat"
This is the way an Irish woman put
it: A member of a family in which she
was servant few years since mar
ried a widOwer with children. Meeting
the head of this new organization one
day Irishy inquired: "Well, how is
the missus 2" "Quite WE'LL" was the
answer. "Yes, and how does she get
along with the chilluns 2" "Oh, splend
idly" 'DOes she, indade, now ? Well,
well, bless her heart, missus is wO-
man of rare common sense. | suppose
she lets them sass her just as if they
were her own.n Paterfamilias passed
on, nodding his head, as if he had seen
a great light.-SprinQtietd Republican.
Mrs. DR.. Mary Walker is going to
lecture on the "Coming Woman" If
the coming woman learns this she won't
come.-NOr. Herald.
An old ram, owned by family i'll
East Whitehall, entered the kitchen
during the absence of the servant girl,
and ate up all the pancake batter, and
now the family say they don't like their
batter-in- ram y Whitehall Times.
"There is one thing about farm"
said granger-looking man from Guth-
rie Centre, ''that isn't improved by
consolidation" "And what is that ~
asked young man from Adair. "POst
holes, young man." said the old party,
oracularly. ''Post holes; they amt
good for nothin' eff We run 'em together
or bunch 'em."
A well-dressed, polite man walked
into the police detectives Office in Troy
n. Y, and asked to see some move
tools that had been used in trying tC
brake open a safe. The things were
brought out, he examined them Will
great care. "Much Obliged" he said
81 have just finished five years in Sins
Sing, and l wanted to see what prOgres
had been made in my profession"
History, modern and ancient, show
that party of fishermen may start OF
and forget their bate or some of thei
tackle, but the quart bottle containin
''medicine" in case one of the numbe
3 is bitten by shark or a sea serpent, o
an alligator, is never left behind.
, A well-tO-do but indifferently edu
Gated farmer of Wisconsin, who wa
! once elected to the State Assembly, an
! who has since then used various higll
\ sounding terms picked up during h
brief legislative experience, was Oh
, day speaking with neighbOr about I'll
. similarity of their residences, just con
pleted, Excepting" said the garrulou
q man, "the kitchen which is just III,
cOce." A few days since he lost va
liable pair of mules. Distressed at IL
loss, he went to neighbor to inqui
: after strays. Said he, ''that mule tea
y of mine ran away last night. I've hun
Z ed the farm from end to end, and +
blessed if l can find thing Of 'em %
/ or con. "A good many years ago,
Il lltigatiDg Yankee farmer-by the wa
it might have been this very man,
his father-came into his lawyers off
Al with some information that he thong
er would be sure to gain his case for hi
It He stated it with triumph, and brin
II ing his fist down on the table with
re great bang, he added, "There tina
what | call n,-i1o1J fncie ~