The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-01-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

The morning noose-Your necktie.
The whitewasher's business is always
slack.
THE right of weigh-2,2OO pounds to
the ton.
MEN who always act on the square
Chessmen.
IT is said that Priam was the inventor
of the crowbar.
1t is grand mistake to suppose that
a widows veil is always vale of tears
TESTING is good for the digestion.
Therefore, live digesting, and die jest
ing.
81 HAVE passed in my checks" said
the seedy one when he pawned his plaid
ulster.
"KNow all men by these peanuts"
says the man who tends the street-stand
on the corner.
IT must be eminently right and good
to rise early, because it is SO inhumanly
hard to do it.-BatTdette.
SOME one says that nothing is healthy
that is fried. This is probably SO. Even
Friday is unhealthy-for convicted
murderers.
WELL, dear, what did you learn at
school this week?" ooh, mamma, dar-
ling, such stupid, stupid things that l
never want to think of them again."
"SEE what rent the envious Casca
made" said Mark Antony in his ora
ton; and we suppose that was the
leased he could say about it.-Batrdette.
The wife of Scipio was an aboriginal
North American Indian. She used to
have her cards printed plain "Mrs.
Scipio" Now she has them "Mississip-
pi-oh!"
A WOMAN does not hesitate great
while between velvet bonnet and bar
rel of -four. Because, you see, just
as like as not the bonnet will have a
flower upon it. ,A
WHEN young man has learned to
consume cigarettes in an artistic man
ner, by ejecting the smoke through his
nostrils, life is no longer barren
ideality, but as real as bar of soap.
TUToR-"C ome now, Mr.. B., give me
familiar example of Hogarth's line to
grace. Can't you think of it? It's a
curved article that you see every day."
Mr.. B. desperately ga pretzel."
A CYNICAL writer says: "Take COM
pany of boys chasing butterflies; put
longtailed coats on the boys, and turn
the butterflies into dollars, and you
have beautiful panorama of the world"
WHEN Blobbs stopped at the agents desk
To ask How much the fare is?"
He told his wondering friends that he
g Was going off to Paris.
But now returned, whene'er his friends
Exclaim, What did you see?"
He tells them all he saw and did
when was in Pa-ree."
SYMPATHIzING bystander about an
unfortunate man who has been knocked
down and stunned by the train" Poor
man! Take him to the station" In
jured one (recovering). Take me to
the station? What for, then? If awe
dune ony harm to y'or enginn, avs
willin to pay fort"
A PAIR of scissors was lost, and the
little one suggested that prayer be
said, asking that they might be found
There was however, lurking con-
seriousness that there ought to be a
combination of prayer and work, so the
youthful philosopher said: Now,
mother, I'm tired; SO I'll pray while
you hunt" 4l"
SMITH has a good opinion of himself.
He has never done stroke of work,
but lives ON Woodworking father.
he fancies that some
credit is due him for the fortune which
he enjoys. The other day, leaning
against the mantelpiece, his back to the
fire, he said: "I was born the son of
poor laborer. Before [ was 30 years old
[ was the son of one of the richest men
in the country"
SCENE: London bookshop-Book-
seller: what sort of books do you
want, sir?" Baggs (of Wisconsin)-"Oh,
such books as a gentleman generally
has" Bookseller And how many?"
Baggs- oval, my library is twelve by
and I want it full" Bookseller
twill you have them bound in Russia
Or Morocco? Baggs-'@Oh, don't send
them so far! Have them bound in
HafvaTd LampOo91.
FATHER of adored one: "Then it
comes to this, sir you have no fortune,
you have lost your appointment, you
nave no prospect of another, and you
come to ask me for my daughters hand
- and fortune?" No! suppose we
out it in this way: I am unembar-
.assed by wealth, am free from the cares
If business, and my future is radiated
~ hope; therefore, this is the crisis
when [ can best devote myself to your
laughter; and enjoy that af1uence with
which you will crown our love" -Pr0vi-
ler3ce journal