Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1879-06-06
Look Not Upon the Aince Pic When
it is Red.

Ny friends, there is another rock
wish all to guard against. It is hidden
BY the still summer sea, but upon it
many . human bark has split. l refer
to the mince pie. Yes, my hearers, the
mince pie is Q rock that has brought
thousands to watery graves--or, not to
wstery graves, exactly, but you under
stand what 1 mean. The mince pie is
the curse of our land. 1t is alluring
our youth from the path of virtue and
sobriety. and leading them down to
ruin. 1t begets IN appetite for strong
drink that sweeps everything before it.
Look not upon the accursed thing.
Shun it as you would o viper. Sit on
it trample il under your feet, as it
we're.
once knew brilliant young man,
loved and courted by all who knew
him. His is the story of thousands.
This young man used to visit his aunt
in the fall, that fatal time of year when
the mince pie stalks up and down
through the earth, seeking where it
may devour somebody. This young
mans aunt could make mince pie till
you couldn't rest, and her arts lured
him to destruction. That insatiate
monster. At first he ate lightly of the
damning food. then, as his appetite
grew by what it fed upon, he ate deep
| er and deeper, until after every meal
he would sink into = heavy sleep only
to awake with head on him bigger
than Daniel Webster's. He would
chew cloves and cardamon seeds for
hours, and yet you could smell his
breath across the biggest county in the
State.
He saw that he was becoming a slave
| to the accursed pie. His aflianced
bride, who to him was the one fair
woman beneath the sun, said she would
never marry man that smelled like q
distillery that employed three hundred
hands and was in full blast all the time,
and unless he reformed, she would be
nothing to him but sister. The young
man had all the sisters he wanted, and
falling at her feet, he registered a
solemn oath, and had it copyrighted
next day, that mince pie should never
pass his lips again as long as he lived.
But, alas lie was already slave to
strong pie, and in less than twenty
four hours he tore himself away
from his sweetheart, who made frantic
grab for his coat.tails, and fled to his
aunt's in the city, and said he hoped
she would have some of her excellent
miuce pies for dinner.
The good aunt, ignorant OF the fact
she was putting an enemy in his mouth
to steal away his brains, set'em mp, so
to speak, and in less than two hours
the young man was rip.roaring, staving
drunk, as usual. All, my friends, the
story is o ghastly one, and needs no
embell:shment. While in this condi-
ton the young man, the pride Of his
parents and the whole of woman's
heart, was arrested for drunkenness aud
disorderly conduct. On the way to the
mayors Office he shot the officer dead
in his tracks, blew out his own brains
with another barrel of the pistol, and
then went back and killed his aunt and
dog that she had paid three dollars
for.
Nv friends and fellow sufferers, from
the mince pie to the tomb is but step.
II mince pies must be made, demand,
in the name of the youth of our country,
that people who manufacture them be
compelled tc take out license. II
they must be eaten, beg Of you, as
you value your souls salvation, do not
eat them straight. A serpent turks in
every one of them. Ten thousand
devils lie beneath every crust, be it
baked ever 80 nicely. Every currant
hides demon with forked tongue of
fame and q seven-pronged pitohfork.
The suet, the citron and the chopped
meat are the broth of hell, and the
whole business from stem to stern is
a mockery, and strong drink is raging.
The conclusion, my beloved hearers,
touch not, handle not-enter not into
temptation or, in other words, look
not upon the mince pie when it is red,
when it giveth its color in the cupboard.
Oil CITY Derrick. ''
It is probably generally remembered
that some years ago-in 1873-Congress
passed q law providing for the erection
OF durable headstones over the graves
of soldiers of the regular and volunteer
forces of the United States whose re-
mains are inferred in the national mil
itary cemeteries. This law has been
carried out, and the graves of the ma.
tons dead in these cemeteries are now
permanently marked. At the instance
of the war department, Congress has
recently authorized the erection of SIM
liar headstones over the graves of the
union soldiers who are buried in pri.
vate and village cemeteries. This will
be done as coon as the necessary ar
rangements can be made In the mean
time the quarter-master general, at
Washington, will at once proceed to
collect the necessary information as to
where these headstones are required.
All persons having any knowledge of
the burial places of soldiers in private
cemeteries, whose graves are not
marked, are requested TO communicate
the fact to the quarter. master general,
and give regiment, company, and date
of death OF deceased, if known. SINH
lar information is desired from parties
in charge of such cemeteries. Oicourse
it is not intended to furnish headstones
for graves over which monuments have