Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1879-05-31
A Certificated Female.
THE TRIBULAr1oNs OF A CONVENIENT INvxs,
OF THE LAST DAY AT The POST QEEICR

a Certificated Female
THE TRIBULATIONS OF CONVENIENT INVESTOR
on THE LAST DAY At THE POST OFFICE.
The clock on the City Hall was just striking
four yesterday afternoon as she came painting
sadly disarranged and her garments were sr,s rent
10 many pieces: Put into rather more polished
English than that Of which she made use, and
dropping for convenience sake the accent be-
gotten OF her residence In q greener isle than
Manhattan, her utterance may be recorded as
"To say that am weary is to make remark
which but feebly expresses the state Of my feel
fercelv1ng In the detected appearance Of the
woman what promised to be material for an in.
teresting narrative, reporter of the World took
the liberty OF addressing her.
with the gallantry for which his profession is
famous, ''wherefore this downcasuedness on an
occasion when nature is SO smiling?"
Faith It's divil bit see to make cratur grin.
I'm an honest woman, sur. and I'm not used to
the lolkes OF this at all at all"
Naturally preSuming that the lady was but
lifting her voice In eloquent Iemonstrance
against the fate and the Mullett which have
In New York the most inconSenient, the rep4es
| mind, my dear madame; If you will take one OF
| from the Jersey flats you will nnd some Sc
| cluded little village where you can buy scent
postage stamp In peace and comparative com
tort" In moment, however. he saw that he
had made mistake.
"Is it Jarsey dew yer talkin' Of All, begor-
rah It would take siveral plnts of it to reconcile
day In gettin' these tin bits of paper" For the
first time the reporter then noticed that the lady
carried In her hand several $40 refunding certi-
| ficates. His warmest sympathies went out to
her at once. IL suppose It's rather wearing
undertaking to avail ones self OF the govern,
ment's generous plan for making every man hts
The answer amply confirmed his opinion. The
| tagged boDdholder, gathering the fragments Of
| what had once been bright calico gown about
Of the pas Of weay aga@s
hensibe granite pile, gave to him an account
OF her adventures substantially as follows
The lady, It appears, Is regularly engaged In the
laudible though somewhat arduous occupation
| of being a janitOr's wife. Among the other
| offices which In her capacity as janitor'S wife
! she is daily compelled to sweep and clean, aud
| OF the night she ts-as the Janitor's WHERE
| spOnsible is the Office of a gentleman who
keeps imitation silver dollars In his street WIN
| dow and displays therefrom the somewhat COM
On Monday afternoon this gentleman called
| the janitor's wife into his commercial parlor
and SAID d. Ann would you like to be earning
| cts not loikley l wouldn't SEE l, where.
| upon he takes out ten greasy $40 bills, and
putin them in my fist,lsez he-for he knowed
the kay to his safe, though divil bit belaive
know where the Post once Isl SEE /, that
do, me havin' frequently been there wild notes
! to me cousin Dan In the ould counthry.' well
says he, ANN, you take this money and you go
up there purity airly In the NORM and buy tin
told me the name over and over az ain till / lost
me pashunce intirely. 'Shure,' says l, Il know
wei enough ~ ~ what S sartiaeats BE- though no
That evening, IL appears, the tanitOr gave a
little party and the festivities were kept up
until about O'Clock In the morning. Not be-
wealth the Janitor's wife, so soon as her hus-
bands guests had departed put on her bonnet
and shawl and strolled up Broadway towards
it was the custom to sell .'surtifcats' as;they
do soda-water and pills, at night. eyer may
know; !" said she, that was purity well sur.
men and women stretchin' from the door OF the
Post Office away up Broadway. Faith, SEE to
mesilf, 'suItincats seem to be In great demand
line behind an old man wild long nose, and SEE
l, givin' him poke In the back, What tonne
does the shop open7 Well, would you believe it
that's yer pan I'm via yer. So down s sau u Is
on the pavement But Lord bless yer, couldn't
Sleep" With the yOlubleness and elOQuence OF
reporter the pleasures Of her long watch. I HOW
hour by hour was struck from the neighboring
church bells with "nO hide nor hair Of q surtifi-
Cdt, INV Iuc uuk wagons T8tCl6Q Oy ana the
empty hote! stages began to thunder down to
the ferries; how at last the sun came up and
how with Its coming the line became "near a
MOLE long and livery blissed one OF us afrher
surti1catS." At O'Clock, according to her ac-
counts, the Janitor's wife goG her right foot
within the Post ONCE door. At O'Clock she
succeeded In getting in the other. After this her
progress must have been faster, for az II O'Clock
She had reached the counter where "surtihcats"
were sold. 'Oh, begorrah, but was reJoiced
Give me tin Of 'em as Quick as the deal IL let
yer, seZ !, putin down the money which was
near melted In me fist. Wild thad q policeman
grabs me by the waist, and SEE he: NO yer
don't, yer can't work that here what's the
matter wild your SEE L. 1T wont do SEE he.
day this week. seZ he. Faith SEE l. Il feel as
II I'd been here year, None OF yer 1mpu-
dence,' seZ he and wild that he drags me OF to
the StatfOn-hOuse. Och, murder, did yer tver
hear OF such thing? But the sergeant was
gtntleman and says he, Let the woman 60
Thin me back was up, and says I'll have tin Of
thin surtificats, be the powers. So goes wn
to the Post OfHce again and the line is stretched
away up the street, and three hours la'er l
found myself just widln the door where had
been at O'Clock In the m0rnin'. I was ut to
cry, when along came Ellen Mccarthy wild
these tin surtifcats In her hand and crying fit
to break her heart. .Arrah, Ellen says 1,
I'm ruined intirely. 'How's that?' says I.
'Falth,' says she Il thought the surtincats was
gold ana drawed the money out of the savings
Dank, ana me hearts broke well, says l, CRY
no more III take 'em from YER So put the
nandTed dollars IN her fist and I've got the sur
for q female school at a dollar a week than nur-
chase any more Surtificats at forty dollars fhe
dozen."-[N. Y. World.