The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1879-10-10
WHO IS TIP

WHO Is IT?
: Some gentlemen evidently lost LITTER whic
e was handed to Us with . request to publish
''Eph. " can obtain the original by calling q
this Ofice. 1t hits somebody. Read and see:
10 zsSses Wormstsey. CssfIeehsak. Cosa.:
DRAn BRoTHRR-In my last informed you .
how he'd located on the north prong nv Dse
Greek in Allen county. which is the great Stat
ov Kansas, and wuz looking round for schulz
This my deer brother, Is great country, and thu
, peple you may be sure are aware nv it. 1t nit,
| be greater If ii Huz wunce delivered from tn.
biting influence of Radiksl rule What it want.
Is to be given broader base and wider gage
The peple here are ground down by the enurt:
NV the churches. the Sundy Scules and the tenn
perence adjitation. These, you know my deer
brother, the mission nv the Democratic party ID
to suppress. How ken We enjoy our liberties ei
SIGH things are to prcvale.
In your last you ask me to Civ you sum infur-
nation NV the prospects NV the party In these
parts. Well, first and foremost hav to say.
that the party about here. like it duz with yen,
keeps windin round, serchin after the eternal
principals Of constitutional Truth.
| Last Thursday with view to more fully postin
myself, attended the Democratic county con-
venshun, and wuz greatly eddiiled and bilt up
| by what I seen there. Enterin the kort room
at lola, where the deligites had assembled,
wuz Immediately struck with the dignity and
general appearance NV the body composin the
convenshun. True, didn't see no starched
| schirts, blacked boots and dandified gentry such
as you fine round churches, sunday skules and
| lectur rooms, but Their wuz in my Opinyun \ far
better elias. There wuz yer plane, unassumin
citizuns in greet numbers, whose mine wuz to
much taken up in contsmplatn the kalsmtys NV
this unfortinit kuntry, brOt on by lsadikel rOOl.
to put on airs and go hankerin round after the
vanities Nv this wurld. They wuz just the kind
Nv fellows to invite yer up, on a short acquaint-
ance to take suthin. and it alers did make me
feel good to I've round with SIGH.
Thinkin to know more NV the feeders. I sid
led up to solum lOokin individual, who seemed
much interested in the procedins. and introduced
myself and inquired his name.
'ln me" SEE he, "recOgnZe Col. Jonas
Oldsores, Of the Allen county DEMOCRACY"
bowed, deeply Impressed. SEE /, 81 am proud
to know yer; and can assure you that l smpa-
thiz with yer" He pressed mi han warmly,
and wud be delited to favor me. ''ken Yer tel
NE, then, - SEE l, "who is the cheerman NV this
honorable cOnvenshun?'' ''Him?" seq he
wavin his hans towards the cheernian, THAT'S
one Nv our most distinguished.feller countryman,
that's DR.. Uttersham, an trooly one Nv the lites
Nv the party, and always carries lots Of decom-
posed Republican votes in his pockets" Here
the cheermun hsppuned to motifs us and smiled
sweetly at US, when notised the strsng pecooli-
arity that his chin entirely disappeared. Ruther
startuled I called the Col's. attenshun to it.
son." sed he, that is the Doctors deer, blessud
swete way. 1t is to avoid maxim eny appearance
NV q pint that he draws in his chin. His wurst
enimys can't charge the DIR. with ever maxim or
shown pint. Like his smile, he's all sweet
ness an he's u power in keepin the parry wintiin
rOun The other individual You See sittin to his
left is one NV the most distinguished men i the
State. He is the celebrated Col. Bloody Bones
He was the boon companion and adviser nv many
Nv the graf generals and statesmen in the late
war who ft against us but the envy and jealousy
NV old Stanton KEEP him hack in his glorious
career. Many Nv Us think his step so taken en-
outraged our boys to Keep up the struggle and
prOtracted the war. But his proud spirit
would mt brook radical tyranny and he has been
one Nv us for years. The Col is u powerful man
and also carries many decompOsed radical votes |
in his pocket and strong for the party to keep
windin round and searchin for truth. The Col. |
and DIR. are great hands Tor handlm the decom- |
posed Republican vote. Just let any become |
;iecomposet and Immediately yOu'll see the Col. |
and DR.. smilin and hidin the pints, and the Col |
ten.lerin his blunt, kindly, military sympathy.
1t jist takes and they pocket the decompOsed. |
In that tall, hairless individual who talks so |
smooth and easy like recognize the Great Boom, |
our great Democratic Boom, who has devoted
many years TO tire exclusive studying up NV
Democratic interests and prospects and who has
been nifty power in keepin the party windin
roun and findin the truth lie has the glory NV at
least discOverin the secret Wv Democratic iefet
and want NV success
EDO tell" l exclaimed, land what is it Z?
You don't kno how bad the party wants to kno
back TO Cuttichunk in the State of Connecticut
where hail FROM ''knO then," said he in
whisper ''that the Great Boom has lately discov-
cred that it all comes from the tacks on whisky
which radikal tyrany and oppresshun has laid on
Give us free whisky and plenty NV it aud Dimoc-
ricy will always be invincble. But deni poor
man his whisky, force a billed shirt on him, black
his boots, comb his hair, use fine toothed comb,
max him say up his earnings, get him to 60 to
church with his family and farewell to his dim
ocracy. 1t all comes NV brskin up good old
fashioned habits and learnin man new tangled
notions. But our Great Boom has seen thro the
wiles ofthe enemy and is goin to male down q l.
new plank in the platform and the DR.. and the
Col. are goin to help get the party onto it.
I was wonderin nc what had herd and admir-
in the graf men before me when the Col. again
broke out: ''Talk about your churches, your
Sundy Skules, your lecture rooms and temper
ence societies. said he with scorn, ''you don't
see any here in this august assembly would toll
crate sich.' looked rOun keerfuly and agreed
with hun. After awhile things in the conven-
shun begin to warm up an the crate men flu
roun lively, an the chairman smiled sweetly and
put his chin entirely out Nv site Pretty soon the
Great Boom begun to read from a paper a new
platform which he and the Col. he'd writ with
great panes. can't tell yer my dear bruther
he emoshuns that sweletl my buzom as lisened
70 the readin Nv that glorius document and when
lfter declarin for free everything finally declared
or free distillers the cup WIZ full and the con-
'enshun riz rite up an hollered. Oyercum with
.moshun lade my he'd on the Co's. brest. Re
,overin after awhile withtroO from the affectin
scene to ponder and reflect the glOryus future
If the Democracy and that noble, shinin new
flank nailed thar TO stay by the CRATE Boom. As
was walkin along the streat, ponderin on
hesc things, carri,!ge dashed past me at full