Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1879-09-04
Newspaper Jokes.

Lager beer Is more than tonic; 1t is
Teutonic.
Trade-winds are regulated by blew
laws.-Nea0 HaUen Register.
There are great many people who
will never go to heaven, unless they can
go at excursion rates.-W Whitehall Times.
care you wall flower? ?" he asked,
and she replied, mo, [ am a wall, SIR"
Then they waltzed.-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
A boy will fight like fury for his
place at the first table; but when it
comes to turning the grindstone after
dinner he's harder to find than FIVE
aces in pack OF cards-Ezmiral
Gazette.
"Cuffy, why don't you kick that dog?'
"What am de use OBJ kickin' cherry cur
dat snarls at you? Don't you know dat
am the way he wants you to bring him
into notice."
A little boy of our acquaintance who
had Just learned that the names John
and Jack were used Interchangeable,
took occasion, not unnaturally, to call
his sisters attention to picture of "Jack
the Baptist"
We can't understand it. There's the
landlady, Mrs. McKerrel, pounds the
beefsteak to make it tender, and old
Sledge, the Blacksmith, pounds his iron
to make it tough. And you pound a
dog to make it run, and pound a cow to
keep it from running.
A gorgeous English swell, leading
dog, inquired at railroad station:
Must, aw-take ticket for pup
py?" The bewildered clerk regarded
him for moment, and then replied:
No, sir; you can go as an ordinary
person"
One French Journalist to another at
the Cafe Richi-'' Suppose should slap
your faceY" The other" Hum! |
don't know. The other day l was pass
ing in narrow street and a donkey
gave me a kick, but did not send any
seconds to the animal"
o Turtle, pensive bird of prey,
Why brooGest thou upon the log
That looms from out thy native bog!
With stomach turned furnenst the sky
Dost thou all calm and patient lie
To nip the unsuspecting fly?
Or lashing with thy fills the spray,
Seek'st thou retirement cold and gray
Within the murkY, platte mud
To chew thy calm, reflective cud-
Or, prone upon thy bank of clay,
Thou pipe'st thy mournful roundelay
When sable night succeeds the day
Why-who--which-h ow-when-what-O say?
st. Louis Tin1eS-J0urndt.
Two rival land agents were staying
at the same hotel in a village where
they were disposing of 'locations" for
their respective companies. One of
them, from Colorado, had publicly run
down the quality of the land vended
by the other, who was from Kansas.
He related how friend and he we're
once out prospecting in a putty tough
bit O country" and how they came
across man who comported himself
like an escaped lunatic. This man
was described as clean as spring bear"
and as preoccupied as "team of oxen
let loose on buffalo grass" Not MOTTO
ing the travellers, he kept on loading
and discharging a double-b barrel gun, al
ways aiming at some opening or crevice
in the rocks, which lay in great pro-
fusion around. Firmly convinced tn at
he was a lunatic, the travellers deter
mined to treat him accordingly-and
that was mighty civil" "Good day,
stranger" they said. The man looked
up, but said nothing. "Plenty O.
shootin' round here, | s'pose." Still no
answer. "Why, what do you find to
kill there?' was asked, as the man let
off another shot. Kill be blowedw
said the man. "I'm plantin' wheat.
Don't We see that all the sile in this
section is between the cracks O. the
rocks, and hev to shoot in the seed"