The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1879-07-22

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HB- Corn bread,' said the Irish
waiter, "we haven't got; an isn't it
corn bafe ye name"
ga When a man puts an innocent
hen to work over porcelain egg, Is he
setting that hen good egg sample.
%Nes-
rsy This bread is sour" said Jones
at the table, recently. "Yes," rejoined
Smith; it's our bread If we pay for 1t;
and the landlady looked relieved.
RY' " Ma, lend me pencil; 1 want to
draw some ladies' " Draw some ladies
Why, Johnny, this is Sunday" We'll,
I'll draw them in their Sunday clothes"
Proposition declined, with spanks.
R9-" Are you building air-castles in
Spain, Mr.. Jones Y'' said landlady to
a boarder, who was thoughtfully regard
ing his coffee-cup. "No, madame only
looking over my grounds in JAVA"
replied Jones.
B9y AT recent performance in the
New Haven Opera House, as number
of students left their seats between acts,
good lady was heard to observe:
" Ain t it too bad those fellows have to
go home and go to studying?"
az A bright boy was walking along
the street with his mother, and, observ-
ing man with peculiar hitch in his
gait approaching, he drolly exclaimed,
" Look there, mammal See how that
poor man shutters with his feet"
ts9r A lady remarked to popular
divine that his sermons were little too
long. "Don't you think so 2" said she
-"iust little ?"
"Ah, dear madame" replied the di-
vine. 81 am afraid you don't like the
sincere milk of the word"
eyes, do,' said she; but you know
the fashion, nowadays, is condensed
milk"
R9g A lightning-rod peddler was struck
by lightning in Indiana, while seated on
his wagon during thunder storm,
talking through the window of a farm
er's residence trying to induce the
farmer to let him rod the barn. 1t was
the largest funeral ever seen in Indiana.
People went miles to see the deceased.
They couldn't believe it until they saw
it with their own eyes.
eag~ AT the battle of Shiloh a German
officer rushed up to Gen. Grant and said:
"Sheneral Shwartz's battery is took"
"Well, sir" said Grant, "you spiked
the guns before they were taken 2"
"Vat scpike dem new guns? No,
Sheneral, it would schpoil 'em."
"Well, then, what did you do ?"
"Do9 Wy we went right in and took
'em pack again."
a. I" My little seven-year-old GIRL"
writes a friend, twas in the sitting
room alone with her uncle, and dream
lily looking from the window. Without
turning her head, she said Uncle
Horace, eight and seven make fifteen,
don't theyp' He replied that she was
right. Then, said she, in half solilo-
guy, it is only eight years before L
shall have beau, and, oh I dread it, !"
Can't Get Enough.
"Young man." said a stern old pro-
fessor to student who had been charged
with kissing one of his daughters
"young man, don't get into that habit.
You'll find that kissing is like eating
soup with a fork" "How so, Sir ?''
asked the student. Because" answer
ed the old professor, "you can't get
enough of it,"
ag A countryman, seating himself in
fashionable restaurant with the inten-
ton of eating hearty dinner, summon
ed waiter and made known his purpose.
The waiter skipped briskly away, and
finally returned with a handsomely
bound bill of fare, which he opened and
placed before the guest, who pushing it
away, scornfully observed: 80, come,
now. YOU can't cram no literature down