The Russellville Democrat., 1879-01-02

want of money.
 A man with whom It is all up-- The balloonlst.
 The canvass made by politician may be for sale.
 The business of rag gathering is picking up.
 In driving a hen a woman is slow but shoo-her.
 Song ofthe dry goods clerk Swing ing in delaine.
 Corn is king! Yes corn is aching most of the time.
 Knocked Tn the middle of next week Wednesday.
 The sky. unlike man is most cheer fni when bluest.
 An. Yes. Edison's light to the eyes is the light of future daze.
 A cold in the head is generaly ob- tained by the contract system.
 What IS every one doing at the same time?-Growing older.
 The man who pays in advance can not be trusted Let this be warn ming.
 According to the Picayune ian exchange says they have had snow over one foot deep in Wisconsin. No mention is made of the other foot.
 A barber, who was fresh from his lager, asked his customer if he would have close shave. ''Yes close but at a distance" was the reply.
 Owen Meredith did considerably to bring on the Afghan war. It is a sort of John Bullwar Lytton to for ward schemes of aggraudizement.
 h Baltimore paper hears rumor that Weston, the alleged pedestrian has beer engaged by restaurant firm In Paris to pursue and lasso snaiis.
 The Parisians have introduced square umbrellas. They'll be inst as bad as the other kInd---never round when it rains.
 In the make up of small boy there is altogether too much whistle for the amount of boy, It is most like using a two quart funnel in three ounce phial.
 From now till Christmas the women of the world will make a desperate effort to prove that all men who say they cant keep secret are liars.
 South African proof freaders die YolnL The last one succumbed to tle description uf a fight between the Uuabcliuijui and Amaswazizizi tribes.
 lust ss soon as a young fellow ove in Earupe settles down and thinks hr is tlr-t class kIng. some knayee cnmes along and tries 10 play the deuce with him.
 An Iowa clergyman boasts that he can marry twenty couple m an hour. n srnty knots aR hour is pretty good speed Cor a clergyman to make.
 The small hay who hade good bye O. Sunday school just after picnic is nos making a desperate effort to regain his standing in time for the eamiug Christmas tree.
 Nestsr,lay a policeman arrested a by who had an onion ued in the csruer qf hts handkerchief. The rha. ge against him was carrying e1nCealed weepins.
 Scene in che physics recitation rs.am Prpfe sar--Mr. F., will you in y1pf owp words give me definition uf suda.um Mr F.--A pendulum is --is a thinE that mikes a clock go tRautarpus applause from the back srnis.
 Stn Francisco News Letter; The ns ives of Lord Howc's Island in ;he >iaih factae l,etitioned for four s hoslmasirr- snd some iron pots. The xrutlr ahorigines evidently con template giving d party.
 Our loii,e arc too fat.-INY.Com mfrcial Advertiser. It's their club lie thai does iL But just lead one of them to cnrner lamppost and see hos easily you can make him lean.
 "Get right out of this" shouted an irritated merchant % menda- cious clerk '-this is the third lie I have ssught you in since 10 o'clock this morning" sOh, Nell. said the new man. ~don't be too hard on me. Give a follow time 10 learn tue rules of ihs house"