The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1879-06-06
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

The thinnest thing now on record is
mans pocketbook that has just been struel
in the stomach by mil'iner. Middletoaoi
Transcript.
Thus far there hasn't been enough bloot
shed in the Chile-Peru war to feed dozel
fnll-grown New Jersey mosquitoes. Phila
Chronicle Herald.
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald want
Congress to pass law makingit acrimina
offence for tailors to attach pistol pockets
/ to summer pantaloons.
Soon the small boy will make his proud
boast that he goes in swimming six times
daily, and in the early fall will climb the
golden stalr.-0s City Derrick.
Two men started cut to see which could
tell the biggest lie. No. commenced
ga wealthy country editor - No. 2
stopped him right there and paid the for
felt
The Detroit Free Press says that the way
they move line fence down in Ohio is to
pepper each other with shot-guns across. the
top rail. 1t costs but little to try it; no
cure, no pay.
Most of us pass our lives in regretting
the past, complaining of the present and
indulging false hopes Of the future. when
it would be vastly better to cut a pole, dig
some bait and go fishing.-Oa City Derrick.
"Oh maiden sweet. with delicate feet,
Tripping the fair fields over.
What do you seek bv the gurgling creek,
And amid the the dewy clover7"
why mister, she said, "you don't know beans
I'm gatherin yaler dock for greens.n
ST. Louis Post Dispatch.
Chicago Journal: "Want any spices or
cloves? asked peddler of saloon keeper
on Blue Island avenue one day this week.
"Vat for / want um ?" asked the pro-
prietor.
"To take away the smell of beer from
the breath, of course" explained the ped
dler.
"Take away dot smell ov beer !" ex-
claimed the man behind the counter "my
Gott you got something's vat makes der
smell stay on, buys him."
Exit peddler.]
The day is come, and the carpets
Are dragged outside of the house;
AS man is dragged to the station
At the close of big carouse.
gee the wife and her landmarks
Wade through the suds and the dust:
And feel as though the pie of my life
Was Deary all under crust.
Come, give me club with handle
AS long as the month of May;
And L will waffle the carpet
The whole of the livelong day.
~ WELD the stick they have hrnnght
With flap. and a thud and hiss
o, better year and a half of sleep
Than fifteen minutes of this.
Burlington HdWkeve.
The natural world is full of illusions.
The apparent rising and setting of the sun,
the gorgeous clouds that prove to be only
dreary mist when you get caught in them,
the mirage, that reveals things lying below
the horizon, and shows US ships sailing
Keel up in the air, the coming together to a
poins of two right lines when seen in per-
spective, the mistake of supposiug the train
IN which we are seated to be in motion
when another train at our side begins to
start, the deceptive ideas that we have of
distance, as In the instance of lofty
which may seem to be close at
hand. when, in fact, it is scores of miles
away these are all considered illusions, as
the world goes, but man never fully real
ICES what constitutes a full blooded illu- |
sion until he attempts to eat a rare done |
sgg with fork.-OI City Derrick.