The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1879-02-14
OUR IDEAS OF MARRIED LIFE.
And What Came of Them.

-
We INDUCED in matrimony with a view
of getting rid of all small cares. Eliza
beth told us all we would have to do
would be to look after our own affairs
and she would attend to everything else.
With vivid recollection of running a
needle through the end of our thumb two
or three times in trying TO sew on a shirt
button, We got out the necessary docu-
ments and got married.
Things went well enough for while,
but when we began keeping house we
discovered that Elizabeth's ideas and
ours did not exactly agree as to what
our own affairs really were. Now, we
| would not for worlds discourage any
young man from getting married and
/ would keep our troubles to ourself, but
we are aware that all young men who
are not in love never intend to marry,
and those who are, will not believe
| single word we say. We know enough
of human nature to know that if there
| is anything in the world that would har-
| den or soften woman's heart it is water
We had an extra cistern dug on our place
with view of having no trouble on the
water question, but our wife had inherit
ed passion from her mother for catch
ing rain water in a tub, and no al gument
we have ever been able to invent has ever
convinced her that the water in a cistern
is as soft as if caught in vessel under
the caves of the house
We wake up and break out in cold
Precipitation at midnight when we find
that it is raining. We forget to tell
Elizabeth that it was going to rain,
and we know it is our fault if she is
not ready for it to rain. For some
time we hardly dare to breathe for
fear she will wake up Just as we
are beginning to have a ray of hope
| clap of thunder causes her to start up in
bed, and she asks us if it is rainingg We
are sound asleep and do not move, but
we receive shake hard enough to wake
a mummy, and we listen, and tell her it
| is blowing some. A flood of water
against the window tells a different
| story, and without further ceremony we
are hustled out of bed and instructed to
get the wash-tub and put it under the
spout at the back part of the house. The
tub is right down under the foot of the
cellar stairs-we cannot help finding it
we won't need any light. We feel our
way down cellar and grope about in the
Egyptian darkness. An uncomfortable
sensation creeps up our spinal column
as our countenance comes in contact
with cold beef tongue hanging under
| the stairway. We run one hand into a
jar of soft soap and with the other one
explore a jar of butter-milk. But the
tub has evidently walked off from where
Elizabeth left it. We go back up stairs
and get light, and on returning to the
cellar we find the tub at the opposite end
OF the celler, half full of potatoes, cover
ed over with boards and three crooks of
milk on top of it. We stand in our own
light, and set two of the crooks down
safely, but the third one balances on a
turnip long enough for us to let go of it,
and then f1ops over and floods the floor
We pick up the tub and seeing an empty
jar begin to pour the potatoes into it,
but the noise causes us to stop. On clos
er inspection we find that it is a cream
jar. We pour the balance of the pota-
toes on the floor and go back up stairs
and out the door, to place the tub where
we were Instructed to. Now it is not re.
gular water spout attached to this part
of the house, but fiendish arrangement
made by EliZabeth's father out of two
pieces of boards nailed together in such
a way as to form kind of a trough and
supported by props, instead of being
fastened permanently to the house. 1t
is as dark as tar and we wait patiently
for flash of lightning to show us where
| to place the tub, but 1t does not suit ma
ture to furnish any light just now, and
we begin to shove the tub along in the
| direction we hear the water pouring from
the spout. Something stops the progress
and we give another push. Our first
impression is that we have knocked the
bottom out of the he avens. We receive
terrible thump on our head and flood
OF water down our back. We play leap
frog and carry the trough thirty feet out
| into the back yard on our back, before
we realize that we have knocked the
end prop out and the whole business
has fellen down on US. We gather ourself
up and, guided by the lightning, which
is now furnished without stint, we carry
the spout back to the ouse, and
as we are reaching up to
put the end in its place a button
gives way and our under garm ent falls
about our feet and we are painfully con-
scious that by every flash of Ii ghtning
we are being shown up to the nei ghbor-
hood as anything but a honeysuckle
clinging to the kitchen wall. AS the
storm lulls we are entertained by a flood
of words from Elizabeth, who is interest
cd In US enough to get up and scold us
for our imprudence. We ought to know
better than to get up and get wet-we
Will take cold and be sick-come right
in, etc. But our blood is up and we
would sooner be washed away to the
Gulf of Mexico on fence board than to
go IN until we got the tub and spout fix
ed as we were told to do. When our task
Is done we go in dragging our garment
after US by one foot only, and we refuse
to be comforted. There is one consola-
ton, for some time tomorrow Elizabeth
will go down cellar and when she does
we will take care not to be at home
Perhaps a friend will ask US down
town to dinner. If we are not mistaken
tomorrow is churning dav.
We believe after all 1--WE could sew on a
shirt button without using language not
found in the dictionary. QCHP.
BUSIN ESS ITEMS.