St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-10-31
SQuibs.

wear masks. 1t saves unpleasantness
after the prizes have been awarded.
Hanlan, the champion oarsman, new
er had any educational advantages-a
living proof that books, professors, col
leges and such, are not needed to make
fine sculler.
Noah was the first man who strictly
observed Lent. He lived on water for
forty days and forty nights.
A paper in the neighborhoOd of Roch-
ester, n. Y, advertises a church pew
for sale commanding beautiful view
of the whole congregation"
A Michigan chiropodist offers to CHI
rop with any man for 500 a side. If
beaten he will acknowledge the corn.
If Postmaster General Key does not
modify some of his recent orders, he
will have the Spanish title of don pre-
fixed to his name.-BOStOn Commercial
Bulletin.
There won't be any Indian summer
this year. The Indian agents have
made arrangements to steal it.-IrOy
Times.
1t rains alike on the just and unjust
ON the just mainly because the unjust
have borrowed their umbrellas.
! A tramp, who was caught roaming
around through the country stealing
eggs, said he ''mereIy wished to get the
! lay of the land.n
The Philadelphia Times says it is
very clear this country has got to have
an Indian who won't get mad when
white man steals his lands.
Florida hotels are hunting the snakes
from the bedrooms, driving out the alli-
gators from the dining rooms and dust
ing the centipedes from the closets
preparatory to re-Opening for the win
ter.
All the lay preachers in the world
will not make eggs cheap in cold wealth
er.--NeD Orleans Picayune.
Mother (very sweetly) to children
who have just had a distribution of
candy : "What do children say when
Uhey get canuy 7" CHorus: More ~
All flesh is grass. That is why the
young mans arm assumes grass-hook
curve when he thoughtlessly encirces
the waist of-at this point let the gas
be turned lOw.--NeU HaUen Register.
Somebody has invented new gun
for the Observation-Disclosures peo-
1t supplies long felt want.
1t was mean trick for the Buckeye
state to hold an election while the dem
ocTats were away attending prayer
meeting. Philadelphia Chronicle Her.
aid.
"YOur American dinners are a reve-
lati0n," said an English tourist, as he
sat down to a table well garnished with
green corn and watermelon. That
night he dreamed of more curious
things than st. John saw in the Isle of
Patmos.
Teacher-"What bird did Noah send
out of the ark 2" Smallest boy in the
class, after a pause-"A dove, SIR"
Teacher-"Very well; but | should
have thought some of you big boys
would have known thatn Tall pupil
''Please, sir, that boy ought to know,
sir, cause his fathers bird-ketcher,
sir."-NaturaliSt
In Hartford there is an institution for
aiding abandoned women to reform.
On Friday last, says the Times, a man
appeared at the door and asked, 'Is
this the home for fallen women ~ On
being told that it was, he requested
that they send at once for his wife, who
had fallen off the back piazza and was
seriously hurt.
"Why do women marry ?n is the
question under discussion by the Pio-
neer Press. Why do they7 Well, for a
variety of reasons. Once in a while,
dear P. P, woman marres, and the
man, too, in the same instance, because,
well, because society rather demands
If lika RJt9- HU3pEo3,o
A woman out at Fort Colville has
scandalized society by leaving her hus-
band and going to live with an Indian.
There's no use getting excited about it.
If her civilized husband was like some
white men we know, the woman would
have displayed good taste by running
away with Chinaman.-Bur Hatuk-
eye.
Home Teachings.-I must tell you of
a conversation l overheard on the beach
at TrepOrt between two children who
were playing in the sand together. The
small boy said to the little girl: ''Do
you wish to be my wife ?" The little
girl, after reflection: eyes" The
small boy ''Then take off my boots !"
''ThOse suspenders, madam, are long
| iOi OON, VI S1OrU
enough for the longest man they will
just fit your fine-looking youngster."
perhaps so, but don't want to sew
buttons on his boot-legs. / want them
to hold his pants on. Them suspenders
is long enough for the Colossus of
Rhodes" ''Just so, madam l sold old
ColOss pair out of the same box yes-
terday. journal Of Fashion.
81 know Pm losing ground, sir,n
tearfully murmured the pale-faced
freshman, "but it is not my fault, sir.
If were to study on Sunday, as the
others do, could keep up with nv
class, sir, indeed, l could but prom
ised mother never to work on the
Sabbath, and can't, sir, ne-ne-never,n y
and as his emotions Overpowered him
he pulled out his handkerchief with
such vigOr that he brought out with il
small flask, three faro chips and a
euchre deck, and somehow or other the
professor took no more stock in that
treshman's eloquence than if he had
been craven image.-Acta Columbi-
, ana.