The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-04-26
VARIETY.

- A man break his heart 2" sneered the
Widow Pilkius. '' Perhaps he does, as q lobster
breaks his claw, and another grows again"
woman cannot put on any side-saddle stylt
when she goes swimming. She has either got tC
kick OUT like q man or get drowned.
The natives Of Lord Howe's Island in the
South Pacific petitiOned for four schoolmasters
and some iron pots. The gentle aborigines evil
IDENTIFY contemplated giving party.
These beautiful lines will sing themselves to
many a sorrowing heart -
White winged angels met child
ON the vestibule Of life.
Little boy" said a woman to boy who had
been impudent to her, " have you 4 mother p
t No; but pap wouldn't marry you if there
wasn't housekeeper in the whole dang land. >
They had a suffering man on the witness
stand in Kansas City the other day, and after
the lapse OF twenty-eight minutes he had only got
as far as 4" D-d-d-d-damino. ."-DetroH Free
Press.
A sharp, thirsty man now walks into a bar
room and asks If he can "put up his silk um-
brelIa for drink. The bartender acquiesces,
the chap gets drink, raises his umbrella and
walks out.
The little ono made beautiful answer without
knowing il. 80 What Kiss such hnmely man
as papa p said the mother in fun. ' oh, but
papa is real pretty in his heart" was the reply
There are some people whose lives are like mo-
Iasses with spoonful of vinegar in it, and Others
whose lives are like vinegar with spoonful OF
molasses IN it.
There are those who take up much time in
profession that there is none leff IN which to
practice They are like the cinnamon tree, for
tho bark is the best part Of them.
man spent three weeks in an unsuccessful
effort to teach his parrot n verse Of Scripture.
The same bird, in the succeeding four weeks,
learned to swear frightfully without a teacher.
Parrots and boys are nearly alike in this respect
Mother wants you to let her take your polo
naise patteru, and be so kind as to i'll this cup
with yeast, and is your clock right, and what
time Is it, and little meal in this pan, and
won't YOU write down your receipt for rye muf-
Gns, and please not let your turkeys roost on our
fence any more, cause dad says he'll shoot them"
WHAT SHE DoEs.-Somebody says that the
woman who runs into q neighbours because il
thunders and screams at every fash, will, when
she goes home and finds the FIRE low, hurry it up
with kerosene turned on from q gallon can, as
calmly as n doctor giving baby spoonful OF
narcotic soothing syrup.
Sniukins refused to ge. his wife new hat, and
anon after his little girl came IN and said,
Mamma, won't you buy me monkey to play
with when you 90 down town. '' No, darling
wait till you are older, and then marry one as
1 did, :" replied the grieE-stricken wife, with her
tears bursting out afresh.
(" A smiIe,''. says an inexperienced writer,
s'costs the giver nothing, yet is beyond price to
deplorabIe. A s'smile' does cost the giver some
thing. unless he can persuade the bartender to
NUT NJ on the slate. And it is not beyond price
10 the erring and repentant. either. IL is not
worth more than ten cents to them.
IL il said that the reason why bigamy is Of
such rare occurrence in Hungary Is that once on
a time n man who was convicted OF this crime
h. fhc tn live "
with both wives The punishment was con-
sidered cruel, but it had the desired effect.
do you really believe that an ass ever spoke
IN Bnlaam ?'' queried n lhan who prided himself
on his intellect. CoIeridge, to whom the ques-
ton was put, reflected very calmly for a few mo-
ments, and then responded, " My friend, have
NO doubt Whatever that the story is true. 1
have been spoken to in the same way myself"
The man Of inquiring mind retired for medi-
tatiOn.
History, modern and ancient, shows that
rartv of fishermen may start OF and forget their
halt or some Of their tackle, but the quart bottle
containing s'medicine" in case one oil the number
is bitten by shark or sea serpent, or an allIga-
tor, is never, never lett bchInd.-bnDdI0 COM
EaerciaI Advertiser.
American balls are coming into fashion in
England, France, South America, Egypt, Albany
and .China-codfsh balls. n. B.-The young
man who handed this in wants situation as
paragrapher on a leading journal-Salary, 8 per
week, he to furnish his pencils and the Office to
provide paste.-TrOy Press.
The Syracuse Ereling Herald youches for the
following .'0h, heavens, save my wife
shouted a man whose wife had fallen overheard
in the Hudson river recently. He succeeded IN
rescuing her, saying {" My dear, if you'd been
drowned what should have done? / amt going
10 let you carry the pocketbOOk again."
o>r oF THE ADVANTAGES OF MATRIHoSY.-He
used 70 cramp his feet up in little boots, and
linn PAINFULLY to her residence every Saturday
evening; but the morning after his marriage he
vent into a shOemaker's, drew chalk-mark
around his foot, and about an inch distant from
- on both sides and at the heel and toe, and or
dered the man 10 make him pair OF boots after
that pa,tern oh, there's sweet liberty, there's 8
balmv, boundless freedom in the marriage state,
Of which sore-heeled and distorted bachelors