davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

ing that republican leaders have no hope
for the future unless the administration
is to be allowed to carry the next elec-
ton by use OF the army and federal Of
ticials.
Yesterday being the first Monday Of
the session in which there was no OBJ
struction to the introduction of bills in
the house, there was an avalanche OF
them. Those which failed at the last
session were re-introduced, and new
ones by the hundred. All this does not
prove that general legislation will be
entered on, though, as at first, think it
will be.
Representative McLane. OF Maryland,
introduced the following bill
"That no officer of or contractor with
the United States shall contribute or So
licit others to contribute any money or
other valuable thing to any fund for po-
litical or party purposes, nor shall any
such officer permit any solicitation, de-
mand or assessment for such purposes
to be made upon the subordinates in his
department. bureau or office; and any
person wilfully offending against this
provision shall be removed from office.
aud upon conviction, shall be punished
by Imprisonment not more than one
year, and by fine not less than one hun
dred nor more than five thousand dol
lars"
What relief such law as that would
have been to government officials in 1876
and 1878!
The late effort of the N. Y. Times tc
promote the Grant movement has causee
great ag tation among republicans. who
very generally desire not to trot ou
their horses until the track is clear o
rubbish. Many newspapers In the ives
have taken offense and exposed the
thing as ''put up job" 1t does have
that appearance. and we outsiders en-
Joy the fun of the thing. 1t seems tina
the Times so called canvass was issue'
simultaneously in several large cities
with the studied purpose of boosting III
Grant movement. But it fell flat IN man,
sections. The western papers that max
the most fuss about it, decline Grantisn
anyhow, and place Senator Window a
the head of the presidential list. N
doubt there Is strong sentiment, eve
in the republican party, Tor a clean man
and even democrats admit that Windor
is honest and able in his radicalism.
HILTON.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A northern minister was introduced
to a colored minister. and inquired oi
his work.
Il preach, sab, on Col Gordon's plan
tation."
How many colored people have you
there?"
"Well. sab, bout one hundred and
seventy-hve."
"And how many have you in the
church?;'
s'Dat 'pends altogether. sab. on de
time OBJ de year. In de vival time dey's
all members. In the back slidin' times
dere's nobody members but Uncle Billy
and Aunt Katy.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A good colored man once said In q
class meeting: 'Bredren, when was
q boy took hatchet and went into the
woods. When found tree dat was
straight. big and solld, I didn't touch
dat tree. but when found one leaning
little and hollow inside. soon had
him down. So. when de debbil goes af-
ter Christians. he don't touch dem dat
stand straight and true, but dem dat
lean little and are hollow INSIDE"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Our namesake of Portland tells OF an
old farmer who, having eaten an oyster
stew for the first time. said: 81 like the
soup pretty we'll; but don't like them
pollywogs." This recalls the story of
the hoo>ier who lunched with General
jackson, and had had. among other
things, champagne and olives. Gen
eral," he said, slapplng the old hero on
the back, II like yoar cider. but d-n
your pickles."
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

On recent trip of one of the steamers
running TO San Francisco bread was
served at dinner one day which tasted
strongly of coal oil. The captain after
ward asked the baker it he did not know
that kerosene had got into the flour. He
admitted that he did. why didn't you
feed the flour to the chickens, then P"
was asked. 'Oh," he replied, II was
afraid it would kill 'em."
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

On the Spanish road from Chapparal
to Atoca there is plain about two miles
in length, and about one-tbird of mile
wide. surrounded on all sides by heavy
timber, and covered with velvety mass
OF succulent grass. This plain presents
one of the oldest sights to the traveller
in this land OF odd growths and anoma.
lous peculiarities. Scattered over its
surface are hundreds OF ant hills. These
hills are built OF clay or compacted
earth. so solidly that they are able to re-
sist the elements as well as the attacks
OF cattle running against them. 1t is
| wonderful how these little architects
can construct such solid houses. At
Tunzi thought would examine the in
terror arrangements OF one of these
| houses. l first used stout stick to break
through the wall. but found this inef-
tectual. then used an iron pick, and
even with this found t not an easy task
The shell was three and one-halt inches
in thickness at the base, gradually de-
creasing toward the top, which consists
of mass of earth often ten inches thick.
and packed together almost as compact
as the rock. But it is on the inside that
these skilliul builders display their ma
| 1--WE lustluCL u luc DcSl d'lNanldSe. lu-
side of the shell the space is cut up into
the most apparently complicated mass
of labyrinthine passes. chambers and
cells But a little observation shows
that in their construction the most per-
feet regularity and system are Displayed.
The partition walls are made of the
same compacted clay, hard and smooth
where strength is required they are
heavy; where only separation is the OBJ
ject, they are not much thicker than the
walls of honey combs. Some passages.
two inches in diameter, where they are
much used ; then toward the shell or top
they are correspondingly small. AT a
first glance one would think their con-
struction involved an intelligence Of a
superior order, or to speak in Darwin
ian sense. the mind is lost in wonder
contemplating the generations OF inner,
tied adaptation to the work OF construct
ing habitations of snch wonderful com.
p exlty. The cells. of which there are
thousands in the larger houses. are oil
an elliptical shape. with the major axis
horizontal. and of height as great as
the longer diameter Many OF the store
. cells have diameter Of an inch or more
the breeding cells are not so great
the dwelling cells are larger than eithe,
lof the others.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

"Phairest Phlora," wrote an amorous
youth, who is smitten with the phonetic
craze, "phorever dismiss your phears
and phly with one whose phervent phan'
cy is phixed on you alone. Phrlends
phamiIy. phatner-phorget them and
think only of the phelicity of the phu
ture. Phew phellows are so phastidi
Gus as your Pherdlnand, so pheign no
phondness if you pheel it not. Phoregt
phrolic. and answer phinally. Phlora.
"Oh, Pherdinand, you phool.' wa
phair Phlora's curt reply.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
PARADOXIOAL CUSTOMS.

A Baltimore man recently wrote to
Herbert Spencer tor an explanation OF
the paradoxical customs OF theJapanese.
citing examples rs follows: "a piece of
cord is twisted from lett to right in the
process of manufacture. \ plane is
drawn toward the person using it. The
teeth of a saw are so set that it is the
upward pull which cuts. Their books
commence at what we would call the
end. turning the leaves from left to
right. while the lines run up and down
the page, instead OF across, and the pa.
ges are numbered at the foot. The face
Of their clock moves and the hands are
stationary. They say. 1t IS o'clock,
meaning that it lacks four hours of be-
ing noon, while with us it is so mucl
past the starting point Mr.. Spencer
replied that the question involves -;
wider range than at first sight appears.
but declined to express his views. on th,
plea of lack OF time.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A Washington ERIK In one of the de-
partmepts tells this story. A gentleman
was appointed to clerkship in Wash
ington at 81. 200 year. and proving in
competent was reported so. He was
thereupon promoted to 81, 400 place.
Reported again. he was advanced to ST.
600, and finally. failing third time,
was made head OF division at 81 800.
And there he stays, his work being done
by q subordinate.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A public lecturer tell on the stage in
Indiana last week and the audience his
sed him. believing him to be intoxica-
ted; but when it was announced that the
man was dead the audience repented its
hastv censure. and then the applause
was deafenipg.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A young girl named Susaa johnson ,ol
Unlontown., KY, who is addicted to read
ing novels, dressed herself IN boys clothes
and armed with two pistols and a dag
ger. took the packet for Evansville. in
tending to lead life that would be a
terror TO the foe. On the boat some deck
hands were moving some freight, and a
big rat ran out and scud in the direction
of our hero Miss johnson jumped on
a bale OF cotton, and d-screamed. They
carried her to the ladies' cabin, where
she remained during the round trip. and
she-has promised her parents to do hel
share in the kitchen, and keep her end
up at the sewing machine.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Everybody understands what "keop-
ing the peace at the pol!s'' by bayonets
means. 1t is an easy step from that
practice to bayonet interference every
where. We have had enough of this
bayonet policy In American politics, and
in 80 it must go. or the republic will
go-GLouisvllle Courier Journal.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
Henry County Democrat.l

OF vast Importance to the farmers in
this state. is the grain and warehouse
bill recently introduced by Capt. Lesueur
of Lafayette. 1t is Tor the purpose
of bringing home to the producer the
full benefits of his labor in the full price
OF his grain by correcting abuses. OF
which shrinkage, mixing and under
grading are part. A large delegation
of grain dealers from ST. Louis and Kan.
sas City are in Jefferon City lobbying
against the bill. and making long-wind
ed speeches to the committee. of which
Judge Moler, of Bates, farmer. i:
chairman. but they didn't succeed in pull.
ling the wool over anybody's eyes.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A school teacher of Springfield, Mass,
said recently in a public assembly that
he believed profane swearing to be
spreading alarmingly among the boys
of that city He had known instances
where lot OF school boys, just dismiss.
ell from their lessons. had arrayed them
selves in line along the fence and SCI
up complete swearing exercise, JUS
to see who could utter the most blood
curdllng oaths.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

IT the young man who went to call on
a girl on Fourth street lastSunday night,
but who suddenly left the front door and
shot out OF the yard with dog attached
to the dome Of his trousers. will return
the dog reward of $5 will be paid by
the girls father. and no questions ask
ed Saltwater Lumberman.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

o The poets follow the footsteps of sci
.ence and tell US that the BLACK man is an
unfinished piece Of work. Science has
never discovered the reason why the ne
gro is as black as he is. but poetry at
tributes it to press of business. De
Lord made de culled man he made him
in de night; he made him IN a hurry,
an forgot to make him white.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

In Germany living animals are malta
b and the postmasters experience some
inconvenience. Last. year nearly A.
900 live ANIMALS were sent by post. not
counting crabs, frogs. bees and small in
sects put up in packages. Crocodiles,
monkeys, serpents, leopards and bear
cubs went through without question. A
man who wanted to mail lot OF pup.
pies to a friend threatens to sue the de-
partment because his package was re-
fused on the ground that the dogs made
too much noise. Another man has a
grievance because he was not allowed to
mail lot OF pigeons loosely tied up in
a sack
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

The late dull times have driven many
men from mercantile pursuits and the
learned professions into farming. The
majority seek the west, but the east is
also feeling the good effects of this
movement in the reduced price of provi-
sions. In New England the farmers
are more numerous than at any previous
time within the last twenty years.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
MART of the exnlanaiion of the im

A part of the explanation of the i'm
mense demand for U. S. four per cents.
by bankers is doubtless the fact that the
banks OF England are overloaded with
capital that cannot find employment in
business enterprises. In addition to the
great depression in all sorts of industry,
Beaconsfield Is shaking confidence by
his foreign policy, and the British are
looking to the land of the free and the
home OF the brave as safe custodian ol
their spare funds.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

There Is nc, Pinafore nonsense about
Susan B, Anthony. -. g.. a-.-
81 shall never. marry" said that lady.
sternly.
what. never?" exclaimed the gen.
tleman to whom she was talking.
d, Now you go right away from here. u
replied the lady with great violence, "ol
I'll hit you with my umbrella"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
rL. 3: l;t.I, 1l,uht th.t tho imnraa

There is little doubt that the impress
sion that Russia will in some way seek
to carry out the programme outlined in
the San Steiano treaty prevails in Euro
pean diplomatic circles, and grows
stronger with every move Russia makes
IN the Roumelian question. Russian
diplomacy may secure the readjustment,
restoring Eastern Roumelia to Bulgaria
without war, but shrewd observers,
among them General Todleben, think
nOf
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

After the editor OF the Hackensack
Republican had listened to the music of
dozen Pinafores he wrote this criti-
cism: One of the problems which puz-
tzles musician is how to strike bee
flat without getting stung by Its deni-
semiquaver.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

The most marvellous costume was
worn by a lady in Paris. we'll known tor
the fancy balls she gives at home. 1t
was that of an Egyptian, and had it not
been artistically perfect would certainly
have been condemned as-net quite
modest. The wearer was first cased in
rose-colored tights from head to foot
and the dress. sent to her from Egypt.
was thoroughly exact, with its black
satin girdle fastened lightly over the
thigh the long flowing wings were rich
ly embroidered. but impertectly cover.
ing below the knees; the Egyptian san
dals. the headdress, the low part of the
face painted in checkered colors, and the
gorgeous Jewels were 80 authentic and
beautiful that one looked upon the wear.
CT uors as 4 ststws thaR ~ q woman.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

An earnest admlrer OF Grants declares
that he possesses those qualities which
"endear" him to the people of the UNI
ted States. The hundreds of millions OF
public money stolen by the jobbers and
corruptio nists whom he encouraged and
patronized, made him almost too "dear."
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

BY concentrating the electricity from
13 horse power machine into the space
of half an inch by inclosing carbon
points in block OF lime, Mr.. Edison
claims to have produced the highest
temperature ever reached by artificial
means. When dropped into the flame,
pieces OF iridium, one OF the most re-
tractory of metals, vo'atilized immedi-
ately. A small screw driver passed
across the flame would be cut in two,
the part touched by the heat melting in.
stantly. Even parts OF the lime cruel
BILE fused under the intense heat.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

AS you circulate around now you are liable
most any time to drop upon a man who
wears a subdued cast OF countenance, q
streak OF whitewash down his back and q
bar of soap sticking to the seat Of his trous-
ers; hut don't treat him with contempt. He's
an object worthy of your compassion; be Is
4 victim of the hoUae.cleanlng fend.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
Sweet are the uses of advertisements.

Sweet are the uses of advertisements.
Haverly, the theatrical manager, who
runs half dozen theatrical and musical
companies successful ly in different parts
OF the country. replies to an inquiry as
to the secret OF his success: First class
attractions and publicity. The public
requires to be told what you have to give
them. Advertise is the keynote which
has to be played upon i'll every FORM"
The same fact is true in every business.
First prepare to supply a good article.
and next let the public know the fact
through the agency of printer ink.
The Macon Sun dropped into poetry
to represent the state OF the market the
other day, with the following result:
Coiton-Droopinr :, 6tos.
Whisky-Brisk. So straight.
Ba. on-Stcady. 8tO7.
Sugar-Prime, has reached IL.
Fiour-Unchanged, from to 10.
Butter-Firn. on ice, or when
| The weather is cool enough, and then
1t rates in lots at 25.
| Eggs-l5 if not alive.
| Cheese-Is lively-crawling up.
Coilee-Weak, inclined to drOop.
| Lard-Slips up at to 8.
| Just where Tillpn sliuued -
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

We learn from one of our esteemed
contemporaries that Gen Butler is
copperhead = Mt. Holly Herald. Can't
say about the composition OF his head.
but his cheek speaks for itself. Cam
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
But we are slipping into politics, and
cannot proceed any further.

An unhappy man. who had been run
over, was carried into fhe police-station,
where the surgeon examined HIM, and
said: Its mercy that the wheels
passed over bin as rapidly as they did.
lor il the carriage had been going slow
ly there would have been no hope Of his
recovery-none whatever" Precisely"
said the radiant hackman. desirous Of
backing up this favorable opinion as
strongly as possible; when l saw the
gentleman crossing the street little In
front of me, instead Of pulling up the
horse just gave him crack with the
whip and yelled get up, there!' And
that's how saved the gent eman's
life."
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

What do we owe to woman?" rhap-
sodizes an unmarried essayist. Many
OF US owe her forty cents for our last
weeks washiug.-TReckland Courier.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

The newest dining-tables are square.
the round extension table being uniash-
ionable. The new style is more appro-
pirate for square meal. - Norris
town Herald,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Women, like newspaper foremen, ARE some.
times troubled about making up their forms
-[Waterloo Observer. Particularly if there
is scarcity of live mstter.-[Ottawa Re.
publican. Their ''likes," 10 Lexington, dc
not seem to be confined to the foreman One
with them
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

An exchange wants to know why a
woman always wants to sit on the floor
to put her shoes on. We guess it is be-
cause she can't SIT on the ceiling.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

When q woman spends three hours in a
hot kitchen, and roasts her brains out al
most In preparing Attempting and appetizing
dinner for her husband. to which he sits
down without word OF commentator, and
replies, when asked how he likes his dinner,
so, 1t will do," the tired-out wife doesn't
feel encouraged to waste much time on his
supper.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Nothing pays better than making carpet
rags. After a woman has cut up dozen
old flannel shirts, five pairs of pantaloons.
seven coats, ten vests and fourteen old dress
es. and spent three months in converting
them into carpet balls. she can take the
whole lot 20 a carpet weaver and get two
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

The Cleveland Voice makes this re-
ply to scientific inquirer: You are
wrong; trlchina do not inject pig-iron
you can continue to eat the latter with
impunity."
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

! Tilden and Grant will undoubtedly be
the opposing presidential candidates in
1880. If SO we have no tear OF the ro-
| sult
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Mrs. Antoinette Blackwell intends to
enter the ministry again soon. Mrs.
b. was the first ordained minister among
women in this country. She was set
tied and ordained at South Butler, New
York. Now after years OF broader ex-
perience, she will assume her old po-
sition
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Our devil says the time will soon arrive
when he can sing love to lie beneath the
shade, and .quaff the cooling lemonade and
also feel the cheerful ants crawl slowly up
my summer pants.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Men are frequently like tea-their real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn until they have been put in hot
-[Gouverneur Herald.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Youth" writes to US to inquire if all
editors are liars. No, my child; Gath"
is the only condemned liar in the trater-
nity.-TNew York Expressions.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
[St. Louis POst-Dispatch.l

The benefits of this bill are expected
to accrue to the producer in raisiug the
price OF his grain. Again we say, Hur-
rah tor Lesueur.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

What would you call 1t when typo sets
up ''bride's trsusseau'' "brIde's trowsers. -
correspondent. We should pronounce il
one of the worst breeches OF trust extsnt.-
Warrensburg Journal-Democrat.
A man In Nebraska found q $40 bill while
on the way to town to pay syesr's advance
subscription to the local paper, while de-
linquent subscriber In Indiana was struck
section.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

"What time does the sun rise these
mornlngsP" That depends on whose
son it is; mine ryes at O'Clock. -[Oil
City Derrick.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

Frcekirk e'der preparatory to pre-
senting tract): My friend. do you
know the chief end of man P" Piper
(innocently): ma, didna mind the
ohuns; can 70 no whust!s II 2"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

A cotemporary wants to know "why wo-
men never sleep in church ?' And It is diff
icult to tell whether 1t Is because they 90 to
bed so much earlier than the men on Satur-
day nights, or because OF the dread Of wax
ing up and finding their mouths open to the
extent of ten inches.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03

It's funny, but a soft-palmed woman Can
pass hot pIe-plate to her neighbor at the
tuble, with smile as sweet as distilled hon.
ey, while man, with hand as horny as 8
crocodiIe's back, will drop 1t to the floor and
howl around like Sioux lodIsn at a scalp
dance.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1879-05-03
EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND EIGHTY.

IT'S the last rose of summer,
Left booming alone
No conscience, no party
To give It tone.
Where are Robson and Williams,
And why don't they loom2
And why doesn't Bsbcock
Encourage the boom?