The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1879-03-28
PHUNNYGRAPHS.

Dancing is forbidden during
Lent, but fishballs are allowable.
Don't get in debt to a shoemaker,
if you would call your sole your
own. f
Although honesty is the best
policy, it has never been known to
make hit i'll any lottery.
Eggs are now Matched by cleo
tricity. OF invention necessity is
the mother, and OF the hen electric
isity is asslster.
| New Jersey wants a monument
tor Christopher Cslumbus, who at
one time was the only who knew
that America was here. 4t
Counsel Ito witnessy: "You're
a nice sort of fellow, you areW
Witness: "Fd say the same of you,
only Pm OH my oath"
"What were the worst results of
the late civil war p' cried q demo
cratic orator. d" Widows p shouted
Jones, who had married one.
"Young housewife ~" What mis-
cradle little eggs again! You really
must tell them, Jane, to let the
hens sit OH them a little longer"
If there are three things more
unloved than others in this world,
they are probably cunalhorse, a
proof-reader, and dose of castor
| Oil.
a man with a shovel rings door
bell and says, "Want your side
walk shoveled oTw " No, thank
you. Leave the sidewalk where it
is," is the answer. n4si
| The late husband, when Ire finds
that somebody has stolen the key
hole of his door, and difhdeNtly
rings the bell, knows exactly who
'"Phe Coming Woman (" is.
Mary "Oh, Sissy, this tiresome
loose tooth! | declare FL pull it
out y Sissy: "Oh, no, Mary-pray
don't; mail make me wear it,"
tSissy gets all her sisters cast-offs).
Mrs. Partfllgton, in illustration
of the proverb, GA soft answer
turneth away wrath" says that alt
is better to speak paregorically of
a person than to be all the time
khinging epitaphs at him."
"I never thought but once,o said
Deacon Webbing "that it was a
sin to steal an uuYbrella.' " And
when was that ?" asked a friend.
f" 1t was when some pesky thief
stole my new silk one" answered
the deacon.
Two gentlemen walking along
the Boulevards i'll Paris. One
stepped upon the toes of the other,
who cried out, "You awkward fel-
low y "Sirw p eyes, awkward
If you had but little presence of
mind" "Or you q little absence
of body.n
Practical Yankee ''Nell, yes,sir.
| give in to you. Shakespeare was IA
genius. But he didn't kinder seem
to put it to a practical use. Never
benefited civilization with a wash
machine, nor q patent ,turnip-
peeler, nor anything of that sort.
Still, he was a smart man."
A family is like an equipage.
First, the father, "A draught-horse
next, the boys, the weels, for they
are always running around; then
the girls, they are surrounded by
fellows {; the baby occupies the lap
board aud the mother-well,
what's wagon without tongue,
When a young tobacco-chewer,
who boast that his father used the
weed up to the day of his death,
was asked if he didn't think it
his days, replied: ''Not at
all. Each one of his days was "a
hours long, just the same as if he
hadn't used tobacco" s3
4 small boy, after hearing Wen
dell Phillips lecture, asked his faith
er: Pa, why don't they give him
an Office He seems to know about
|" He can make more
said the father, absent
This was the small boys
first lesson in patriotism. e
1t was in a village Sunday school
a visi,o who was interrogating
the children, asked the question,
I" Why was Lots wife turned into
a pillar of salt I" There was a
pause, and then small boy with
growth OF head, piped
out, "I s'pose because she was too
fresh.n
In primary school, not long
igo, the teacher undertook to con-
rey to her pupils an idea of the
lses of the hyphen. She wrote on
he blackboard, "Bird's nests"
md pointing To the hyphen, asked
he school, What is that fort"
After a short pause, a little Fenian
'iped out, "Plaze, ma'am. that's
or the burd to roosht on."
A Chinese almanac tells when to
have, when to dig well, aud
Vhen to make an arrest. But un-
ess it gives diagrams of all the
'est freelunch routes, and tells
low \ married man may enter his
louse at midnight without waking
liS wife, the almanac will nor
rave very large sale in this count
ry.