New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1879-04-02
VARIETY AND HUMOR,

VARIETY AND HUnOR,
-Ennui Is the ghost Of murdered
time.
The man who really rights . book
q the proof reader.
The choler Of rash man is apt to
break out at the wrong place.
Nashville is said to have more law.
gers than any other city Of its size il
the world.
"A proposition to punish theft by
whipping was rejected by the Texas
Legislature.
"A fellow full Of Bourbon, like q
rickety old building, is in tumble
down condition.
Some maglinant slanderer says:
''Woman needs no eul0gist, for she
speaks for herself
g Is not,'' asks the Philadelphia
Bulletin. "the Spanish garrote IN
neck's-screw-ciating thingP''
An ill-tempered word and stone
are alike in that, when once thrown,
they cannot be recalled. IN. =. Herald.
If death loves shining mark,
why isn't the mortality greater among
the boot.blacksP - Cincinnati En-.
qttrer.
On leaving room make your best
salaam to persons present, and retire
without salaming the door.-New Or
leans hcayu,ae.
Many rich man, when asked II
he knows what relations he sustains to
society, is compelled to confess that
they are poor relations.
"A bad man in good society is treat
ed like q full-face letter in an antique
line. Being Of the wrong font he is
marked out.-M. 0. Rcdyu'se.
"A Connecticut man recently said:
Lend me dollar. My wife has left
me, and want to advertise that am
not responsible for her debts.''
According 70 Frankland's tables,
seven cents worth Of oatmeal produces
9 much force in the human system as
does ninety cents worth Of lsan ham.
a Kansas man who offered bail for
9 friend was asked by the Judge If he
had any encumbrance on his farm.
"Oh, yes" said he, "my old woman"
"A story about gathering in Ala
bama at which were sixteen beautiful
widows is going the rounds, but it has
occurred to no one to call it lone col
lection.
III you are determined to succeed,
you must also be determined to work.
Remember that it is the longest pole
that knocks the highest persimmons.
N. ?. Herald.
Mother to her child--Now, then,
Arthur, do try and eat your broth.
Arthur can't. Mother Nonsense.
One can do anything one wants to do.
Arthur Well, then, 1 don't want to.
An Irish Wicklow Quaker was
recently replied to by a lady listener.
agitation. The lady responded !:
What good in the world was
ever done without agitationp We
cannot even make butter without it,"
Its funny, but q soft-palmed
woman can pass hot pie-plate to her
neighbor at the table with smile as
sweet as distilled honey, while a man
with hand as horny as a crocodile's
back, will drop it to the floor and howl
around like Sioux Indian at scalp
dance.-Phck.
The Selma (Ala.) zvnses says that
the railroad bridge near that city,
which let through q train of cars lately,
with the loss of about half a dozen
lives, was "perfectly rotten,' and that
''the people of that section of country
had been looking for an accident for
two years past"
"A lady Of experience gives advice
on kissing to a younger lady friend as
follows: g Be frugal of your bestowal
of such favors. In the first place /
would cut off all uncles, cousins and
brothers-in-law; let them kiss their
own wives and daughters; and I would
not kiss the minister, or the doctor or
the lawyer who gets you divorce. -
You see this lady understands her bust
ness, and does not leave out the editor;
he of all others needs these osculatory
attentions to ''lighten up the gloom;''
she's jolly, sensible woman, with a
heart in the right place. Marshallto0n
Times.
-Awoman entered a st. Adams (Vt. }
store and asked the price of beans
which stood in barrel. Being told,
and ever ready for some excuse for not
purchasing, she said: .'Just look at
those black ones!'' "Well,'' replied
the merchant, 81 ask no more for those
than for the rest.'' Then turning to
some Indian meal, she asked the price
of that. The man (having previously
made q bet with his partner that he
could fix the price so low on one thing
that she wouldn't attempt to beat him
down) replied, "One cent per bushel,
madam She then wanted to know il
it was sifted.
Evidently the Boston boys, who
sent delegation to the British Gen.
Gage to demand the restitution of their
privilege of coasting on the Common,
are coasting there still. At any rate
the Boston advertiser says: jealousy
as has the sancity of the Common
been guarded from violation to &C.
commodate any scheme, however
plausible. that might seem to favor
one class of people to the discomfort OF
thu. public at large, precedent has set
tied coasting as one of the uses to
which the Common may legitimately be
given up, and the rest Of the public
have to yield SO far as to give the sled
mounted boys ''the track during the
coasting season, or to take the conse-
quences Of getting knocked over. The
sleds are now given the right Of way
without dispute, and the pedestrians
find their rights and safety regarded