The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1879-02-06
Nartetu.

Six into four you can't" as the shoemaker
mildly suggested To lady customer.
"Abont the greatest bearer know :" said the
farmers boy, "is the old peacock"
Young men should be more like young ducks
ana occasionally liqudate their little bills.
Wives should always sit up for their husbands.
II makes TWO hours difference in their arrival.
classical man out in Venice Illinois, has
chrktened his cat othello, the Newer of Venice
The beauty OF a mans parting his hair I'm the
middle appears 10 be that 1t gives both ears
chance to flap.
How some people keep from freezing In the
winter by keeping themselves constantly In hot
water with their neighbors
yonng physician asked permission of lass
to kiss her, she replied, "No, sir; never like
doctors btl stuck In my face"
cynical old bachelor says: "Wedock Is like
bird cage; those without peck to get in and
those witlin peck TO get out"
II has been said that woman Is the connecting
link between men and angels, but marriage is the
connecting link between men and women.
hog can live twenty days without food This
has no reference to the man who shoyes his big
feet across the aisle OF the street car-DerOh Free
Press.
An agricultural paper asserts that milk comes
through inheritance. Mebbe 1t does but some OF
1t looks as II It had come through thunder
shower with the lids Of the can open.
"Ma" said little girl, III you'll let me buy
some candy I'll be good" "My child" soemnly
responded the mother "you should not good
70 pay; you should be good for nothing"
A somervlle lady is so jealous of her husband
that on hearing him say the other day that he had
seen handsome opportunity and meant 10 en-
brace It, she flushed up and said she would like
t. catch him at 1t.
MODERN PHILosoPHY-some people regard 1t
as singular that man who never played at cards
In his life because 1t is wicked" will exact 20
per cent interest from poor widow
NEW DBH,-At a restaurant the other day a
man inquired, reading from bill Of fare, ."WhRt
is this sirlOin Of beef Ia daanctere I" "I suppose
that is a cut from Stock Exchange buA," replied
the friend.
Fred, to Chum Il dreamt about you last night.
Bob II hope was pleasant" Fred "oh, yes;
very pleasant while 1t lasted. dreamt that you
phlu lne ten uOllaIb you owe NE,
Asppery politician being informed that the
leaders Of the party threatened to throw him over
board, exclaimed Let 'em do it If they dare.
and I'll soon show 'em that I've strength enough
to swim to the other tidel"
The tender sollcitude with which the mother
Cherishes her first born is considerably less than
nothing to the affectonate care which the barber
boy bestows on your silk hat just as you are about
to leave the studio
The Ettrck Shepherd took neat way Of tell
ing lady she was no ordinary specimen Of her
sex "Ye're nice lassle, Miss Dfysdale," said he
Nearly all girls are like bundle Of pens cut by
the same machine; but yere not OF the bundle"
g. ntleman having sent his man servant to
buy some lucifer Matches said to him when he
came back, "T hope John, that these are better
than the last, which were good for nothing"
"oh, these are excellent" replied John; I've
tried every one of them"
The following anecdote was told by an Ameri-
can preacher for a fact; He was praying, and in
his prayer he said, ~ pray that the power of the
devil may be curaied" Just then an old dar-
key in the congregation cried out, "Yes Amen !
Bless me Cut him tail right smack, smoOVe off,
A beggar knocked at the door, and, unexpect-
edly, the head Of the family opened it. Young
man, said the latter, ~ came here twenty years
ago with two shillingS and washed dishes for
living, and now look at me- And he threw his
chest out and beamed. "Sir," replied the beggar,
"can you direct me to anybody who has lot Of
dishes to clean p
A NATURAL SoLUTIoN,-A man eighty slight
came in contact with tree, as quick as though
he raised his hat begged pardon and passed on
Three other trees having met him in this uncere-
monious manner he dotted his hat and placing
it under his arm, backed up against the fence in
apparent meditation. A friend passing at the
time inquired what he was doing. He replied,
II am waiting for the procession to pass"
OK BREAKING-Somebody wrote to the editor
of country paper to ask how he would break
an OK" The editor answered as follows: "If
only one OK, good way would be to hoist himby
means of a chain attached to his tail to the top Of
pole forty feet from the ground, Then hois'
him by rope tied to his horns 10 another pole
Then descend on his back hve-ton pile driver,
and if that don't break him, let him start cnun-
try newspaper and trust people for subscriptions.
One of the two ways will do it sure"