Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-11-28

An intelligent man in Bruce, Ontario,
went to shoot crows and placed his left
hand over the muzzle of his gun so as
"to keep the crows from smelling the
powder" till the last moment. He has
more sense now, but less hands.
Doctor x. is man of superior ability
and a poor shot. But every year he
takes his vacation, and tramps over hill
and dale with his gun on his shoulder.
One of his professional friends says it is
the only season Of the year when he
kills nothing.
'What is this?" said a fond mother in
Kentucky to her four-year-old son, with
charming the company assembled at
Drowned sucking pig. "a boW-woW-
WOW, ma" replied the dear child.
The champion nose lives at Sacrament
to. Its owner was at breakfast when a
friend seated on the opposite side of the
table, knowing him to be little near
sighted, remarked, There's fly on the
end of your nose. HIs thereP respond
ed the owner of the horn of plenty. 81
didn't know it. Just please scare him
off you're nearer to him than am"
The five year old son of family the
other day stood watching his baby
brother, who was making great noise
over having his face washed. The little
fellow at length lost his patience, and
stamping his tiny foot, said, "You think
you have lots of trouble, but you don't
know anything about it. Wait till
you're big enough to get a hckin', and
then you'll see-won't he, mammaY
"What's the woman charged with P''
said the court. "She's a dead-beat and
vagrant, your honor" said the officer
who arrested her. Then the woman
spoke up and said: off can prove that
Pm all right, will your honor let me
go?" ''Of course will" said the court.
"Then," said the prisoner, "here's the
family bible, by which you'll see that
Pm Moll Wright -" ''Saw my leg off"
shouted the officer, who saw the point,
"if she hasn't beat the court, too" And
the court rubbed its nose with its fore
finger, and gently murmured: "Dis-
charge the prisoner"
The happiness of your life depends
upon the quality of your thoughts;
therefore guard accordingly, and take
care that you entertain no notions un-
suitable to virtue md unreasonable to
nature.
The art of putting things was well IL
lustrated by DR.. Ganse, of st. Louis,
when he said to the workingmen, in
speaking of the value of Sunday to them
as a rest-day, Don't girdle the Tree that
shades you"
The river Jordan is not the only pleas
ant water that empties itself into Dead
Sea. Some of the sweetest currents of
our lives are fated to end there. Let US
look to it that we are not borne thither
on their limpid bosoml
How many men, in talking to those
they wish to please, sweeten their voices
as if it were brown sugar. A mans
voice, ike a man, should be gentle, but
still manly. Nothing is pleasanter than
a thoroughly unaffected yet well-modu-
.ated tone.
Ehere are great many men born in
Cne world who imagine that they were
born with genius, and lie down on the
sofa and wait for an inspiration until
some other fellow, who thought himself
a Ounce, rises by hard labor to a compe-
tency, buys the sofa, and leads the wait
ing genius out by the ear. This is not
Joke; it is a fact.
The true grace of silence springs from
a renewed heart and disciplined mind
To cultivate it effectually we must forget
ourselves; forget our pride and sensitive
ness; forget as soon as spoken the
wOunding or the cruel words we cannot
always escape, and remember only the
example our Lord has left us, of patient,
accomplishing silence in the very pres
ence of iercest calumny and rage.
Who can tell the power for good or
evil of but one sentence falling upon
a fellow creatures ear, or estimate the
mighty series of emotions, purposes and
actions, of which one articulate breath
nav be the spring? "a word spoken in
season, how good is itP In another
sense than the poets, all words are
winged, and imagination can lily track
their flight. Evil or idle words may seem /
as they are uttered, light and trivial
things; yet if light, they are like the
filaments of the thistle -down-each
feathery tuft floating on the slightest
breeze bears with it the germ of a nox-
ious weed. Good, kind, true and holy
words, dropped in conversation, may be
little thought OF, too, but they are, like
seeds of flower or fruitful tree falling by
the wayside, borne by some bird afar,
happy thereafter to fringe with beauty
some barren mountain-side, or to make
glad some lonely wilderness.
In Athens, Georgia, a negro was re
Gently choked white in the face by swai-
lowing a "silyer nickel" A physician
relieved him. Shortly afterwards the
negro was again found to be choking
with the same coin. When once more
relieved he said that a negress had be-
witched him and that he was trying to
swallow the nickel that the spell might
be broken.