Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-04-03
FUNNYGRAPHS.

FUNNYaRAPHs.
You are nasty stuck I'D thing" as
the pen said to the paste pot.-Oil Csty
Derrick.
So close is the sympathy between
night and day, that after one falls the
other breaks.
WHY is an Ohio man an unnatural
being7 Because nature abhors vacu-
UNI, and an Ohio man adores vacancy.
"Two of trade can never agree,"
said the old adage. What nonsense.
How could they make trade unless
they agreed?-Bcsto'e Traveller.
AMERICA has her popularity in this
respect too. It is wonderful how rich
papa improves a girls looks.-Rochester
Erpress.
A NEW style of stocking is called the
Voltaire. Sock-rates would have been
better name, as we never did admire q
stocking with a taire at the end Of it,
". y Commercial Adve11issr.
IF the man who will go into barber
shop on Saturday night or Sunday morn
ing and have his hair cut hasn't any
enemies, ne certainly ought to have
Waterloo Obeaver.
EVERY once in a while some hlcated
bondholding editor sings OFT an article
headed, "Pay as you CO." Well, that's
been our invariable rule for years. We
seldom go.-BiddJord Miniature.
That was CHASTITY joke that a sinfu2
townsman played on a stranger whom
he promised to introduce to rich plant
er, and then took him around and intro
duced him to the leading undertaken
Yonkers Gazette.
A LAWYER who tried to break mules
will found out that there is such a thing
as being too we'll heeled. A card now
on his Office door reads: "Will be
back in three weeks. - Cincinnati Conn.,
maercial.
The editor of the Cincinnati SATURDAY.
Night discovered that his girl wore two,
sets of gold mounted false teeth, and he
sat down and wrote a poem entitled
Rich and rare were the gums she
wore."
A CHICAGO woman is going to try to
keep her mouth shut foi 5000 consecu-
tive hours. If this new departure should
become epidemic, what a mighty peace
would settle down over this troubled
land!-OI City Derrick.
A YOUNG lady distinguished herself
by stopping runaway horse on West
Main street yesterday afternoon. That
is, the horse had not started, but be
would in a moment more had she not
heroically grasped the bit and screamed
"Whoa!" -Kingston Freeman.
PRoFEssoR, lecturing on psy GEOLOGY
Gail phenomena are sensations. For
instance, that leaf appears green to me.
In other words, l have sensation Of
greenness within me-" OF course no
harm was meant, but still the class would
laugh.
A BEGGAR woman applied at certain
house at Mount Pleasant, Quebec, and
asked forl charity. In reply to the ser
want maid, who opened the door and
stated that her mistress was not within,
she said: can sure whenever I goes
out l always lave something for the beg
gars!'
IT is said the reason why bigamy is O;
so rare an occurrence in Hungary il,
that once on a time man who was con-.
victed of this crime was sentenced by the
court to live for two years with both
wives. The punishment was considered
cruel, but it had the desired effect
Christian at Work.
j, The Easter egg this year, we are told,
e will present some new features. A de-
e scription is not given, but We presume it
= will be cut bias at the small end and
wear a maroon-colored oyerskirt, TRIM
2 med with magenta loops, and a jahot
r around the neck-and hens will charge
six cents piece for 'em.-Eo1ristonss
(Po.) Hera}d.
A SMALL boy in Belfast, Me-, whose
department at school had always ranked
100 per cent, came home one day re-
Gently with his standing reduced to 9s
What have you been doing my son %
asked his mother. "Been doing" re-
piled the young hopeful, "been doing
just as l have all along, only the teacher
caught me this time"
n. z. MAELEY, a farmer at Parks
burg, Ia, has been very prominent in
prosecuting liquor sellers in the town.
On February 18th his corn crib, contain
ing 1000 bushels of corn, was burned,
and he received card bearing these
words: "To Mr.. ard Mrs. n. T. Man
ley: Warning! warning! This is to pre-
vent this corn being made into whisky.'.
A MARRIED woman who lost her voice
fifteen years ago, and didn't know how
to write, recovered her speech the other
day. The first words addressed to her
husband were, CHOW, George Henry,
want you to tell me where you were or
= the night of September, p, 1866, that
you didn't come in until 2 o'clock in III.
,, morning?" George Henry replied, 81
don't remember" And we don't sup
! pose he did.-No19isteu Herald.
/ A CORRESPONDENT of New Hamp-
3 shire paper speaks of little pool at
which he often quenched his thirst in
boyhood. It was, he says, Sin the east
ern part of the town of Andover, and
in summer the water trickld up from
the earth, sparkling as crystal, and colo
and refreshing while in winter, no mat
!: ter to what depths the mercury Nigh!
sink, the little stream dubbed musicaIly
out from the hillside, warm and insipit
as fresh MILK
YES, Robinson's a clever Teller; and
he's modest Teller, and he's an hv,,e 81.
J Teller; but, betwixt you, l and the post
MIR. JONES'" said Brown, confdentially
picking his wisdom tooth with his little
. finger nail, Robinson amt got neither
!, the looks, nor yet the language, nor ye
the manner of gentlemanv' "Righ
YOU are, STRIP said Jones, shoveling thai
melted remains of his ice pudding int,
his mouth with steel knife (wl ich hu1
afterward wiped on the tablec}oth)
" You've 1T i'm orr to a T."-Punch.
A POOR darkey, whose corn-crib ha
been captured by the sheriff to secur
the payment of his taxes, brought hug
army pistol and broken rifle, and lay !
ing them upon the desk in the tax co
lector's Office, said: "Mars Morgan, 4
rather part with my right arm den des
weepins, but you mus try to get the ia
outen 'em. The children mus ma
bread, an dat bread am in de corr
Please, sab, take dc artlrry an let upo
H. Lind hearted reYenue man cnul