Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1879-01-01
Among the Books.

Josh Billings (Henry w. Shaw comes
along with his Farmers Allminax for
1879, which for outlandish spelling and
telling hits deserves the premium. lie re
are some of his observations upon men,
Whenever yu cumakrost a man who
distrusts everybody yu hav found one
whom it is safe for eueryboddy to distrust.
You can possibly argy man out of his
religion, but you kant out ov the color ov
his nektye or the squeeze of his boots.
The man who kan WEIR paper collar
a whole week and keep it clean-ain't
good for ennything else.
There il only one kind of person who il
fit to live in solitude, and he il the one
who IL capable of adorning emmy posishun
in society.
Thoze who hav real merit are the last
ones to see it in themselves, and the flst
ones to see it in others.
Man was created little lower than the
angels, and he haz been getting n little
lower ever since.
A man with very small head on him
IL like pin without euny, very apt to git
into things beyond his depth.
Lasting reputashuns are of Il slow
growth; the man who wakes up famus
sum morning iz very apt to go to bed sum
night and sleep it all Off.
The world all praze the philoso(ers, but
toss their pennys into the caps ov the
monkeys.
Sarkasm is a kien weppen, but in hand
ling it menny people take holt ov the
blade instead ov the handle.
Guessing and lieing are fust cuzzins;
the man who gifts into the habit ov guess
ing at all things will soon git into the hab-
it of Icing about menny things.
How kan yu eXpekt to find two people
in this world who are alike when yu kant
find one who is a like hatf the time?
Mules are like sum men, very korrupt
at harte. have known them to be good
mules for six months Just to git IL good
chance to xix sumbody.
Four "questions and replize" are
characteristics
Q. What is the best religious kreed to
haveP
A. Charity. If man will swop off
all the religious kreeds he has got on hand,
and invest the proceeds in charity, he will
alwus be proud of the job
Q. Will you pleze define IN cnthoo-
zastp
A. An enthuziast IL party that be-
leaves about four times NJ mutch az he
can prove, and who kan prove about four
times az mulch az ennyboddy else be-
leaves.
@. What three things hav dun the most
to civilze the world?
A. The Bible, the looking glass and
the muskett.
Q. Which is the most reddy animil?
A. The mule-they alwas sleep stand
ing, SOS to be on hand when the kicking
begins to flow.
These two observations may strike some
people as about the truth:
If you undertake to hire a man to be
honest you will hav to raise his wages
every morning and watch him dredphull
cluss besides.
| have finally cum to the konklushun
that if | kant prove Il thing without betting
five dollars on it, the thing has got dred-
phull weak spot sumwhere.
Josh thus defines the difference between
a mistake and bunder:
When man sets down poor umbrella
and takes up new one he makes mis-
take; but when he sets down good UNI
brela and takes up poor one he makes a
blunder.
Other remarks of this Poughkeepsie phi
losopher are:
The reputashun Il man gifts from his an
sestors often wants as mutch altering to
fit him az their old close would.
Young man, set down and keep still,
you will hev plenty of chances to make a
phool of yourself before you die.
| would az soon think of pulling the
feathers out ov peakok's tale as to inter-
fere with the innosent vanity ov man.
Married life il little game, in which
the woman, if she is called, is almost sure
to have n strate flush.