Mexico weekly ledger., 1879-03-27
The Mysteries of College Life.

Tome mere, my Httie letlow can
you tell me what a college is?"
Eyes, sir. A college is a place
where a man can acquire a thorough
knowledge of athletic sports, and
where he may, if he chooses, lay in 8
good deal of valuable information
about things which eve happened
'Right. How many colleges are
there in this country"
''There are only seven colleges in
this country Columbia, Cornell,
Harvard, Princeton, Trinity, Vassar,
and Yale"
.sWhat do Columbia men learn?''
"They learn how to row a boat,
and jump with poles, besides the
complete art of swinging n cane. They
also practice horsemanship a good
deal, just before examinations"
s.Are not Columbia men domestic
in their tastes?"
"Yes, they spend many hours by
the side of their cribs"
"What do they study at Harvard?"
"At Harvard they study Soldene
unabridged, with electives in bill
lizards and waltzing."
"What is done at Princeton?"
"They have a four years course
there, in the study of the shotgun
scientifically applied to theology, be-
sides practical exercises in Presbyte-
ran pugilism under the direction of
DIR. McCosh."
"Do you know what are the most
important branches at Cornell?"
"Greek anil Guano, with a post
graduate course in Pneumatics ii. e.,
blowing)."
"Can you tell me what they do at
vassar?"
"Yes, I can, but would rather not,
as it is wrong to give. such things
away"
Every good when you are older
you will know more about these
points. Now let me ask you how
Trinity men employ themselves"
"They attend chapel the greater
part of the time; then they go to
their rooms and illumine missals in
Greek text"
what do they learn at YALE"
"This is something that has never
been discovered. Probably never
will be-"
"What is q senior?"
"a senior is a man who Is hourly
thunderstruck at the immensely and
variety Of his own learning. A senior
usually discovers the cold, harsh ma
ture of the world when he falls in
love with a g~reen-eyed girl who will
not marry hun until he has an income
of 81, 900 4 month and q brown-stone
front in Harlem"
"What Ii q junior p
"A junior is one who writes poetry
and nourishes secret griefs.'
"Tell me something about soEho.
mores."
"Sophomores are men who carry
big Dangers, andsfent seats in chapel
to freshmen for a so apiece. Prob.
ably more beer is required to run 0
good healthy class of sophomores than
they could ever pay for, if they were
not allowed to hang it up"
"Do sophomores like freshmen? ?"
"Yes, sophomore do like fresh.
men, but you would perhaps never
suspect it from their manner. They
are naturally reserved"
"Describe freshmen"
Freshmen are babes in the wood
who fall an easy prey to unprinclpled
tutors. A cheeky freshman is prob
ably the lowest type of humanity.
Freshmen, however, should be treat
en- well, because they will be seniors
some day, il they a rub along unit
they are out of their swaddlinf
clothes"
"What are tutors
Tutors are beings created for tn.
purpose Of inspiring students with
longing for a better world hereafter
Many and many an innocent boy
reared in a Christian home, and will
a childhood full Of bright promise
has been led astray and gradual,
sunk lower and lower, until he, haI
ended by becoming a tutor in a col
iege."
(which department OF Columbi,
College is the most popular with th,
students?"
"Fritz's."
! "What studies are best liked? /"
Navigation with schooners)
equestrianism with ponies), survey
ing (the snob on the. ayepue), ant
cremation with Bojesen.'') !
sis 1t yer possible for aman who il
!, Ignorant Of his own language, wht
studies nothing but athletics, and wht
IL remarkable chiefly for his cheek Il
graduate at collegef"
] "Oi, pever!"
"What, neverF"
"Weli, hardl-"
ri tsSh-h-hi That'H do; now put OF
. your little striped ulster and run ouI
and play till dark