The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-03-15
NUMBER %.
PASSING SMILES.
MISSING men--Bad marksmen.

ter T..
Hush money The money paid a
baby's nurse.
The serpent was subtle, but the army
trader is sutler.-Boston Transcript
NATURE has sown in man seeds of
knowledge, but they must be cultivated
to produce fruit.
A MAN that keeps riches and enjoys
the m not, is like an ass that carries gold
and eats thistles.
Ii you sweep your own doorsteps clean
you will have little time to criticise
those of your neighbor.
DoN'T carry your head so high tina,
you cannot see stumps in your way over
which you may stumble.
UNCOMFORTABLE wraps = Those of
the waiter Mt the hotel who calls you
for the early train.
MANY rich man, when asked if he
knows what relations he sustains to So
ciety is compelled to confess that they
are mostly poor relations.
RAspER being told he looked seedy,
and asked what business he was in, re-
piled; "The hardware business; look
| at my wardrobe"
A CLERGYMAN who was preaching in
States prison, said he was glad to see SO
many present.
SAND color is the latest color in Paris
for travelling dresses. 1t is said to look
as sweet as sugar.
A MANS great ambition is to be cred
tied with some great feat; woman's to
be credited with small feet.
The gold dollar makes less noise in
the contribution box than ten cent
GEOGRAPHICALLY for the reason that 1t
is never put in.
A CoRoNER's verdict reads thus: "The
deceased came to his death by excessive
drinking, producing apoplexy in the
minds OF the jury"
A MAN named Marcus Wright, of
Illinois, has fallen heir to one hundred
thousand dollars. We'd rather be
Wright than be President provided
he gets his money.-Notristorn Herald.
CRUEL-Fair one During an interval
in the valse)--" You're very fond Of
dancing, aren't yopT Brown" Yaas.
/ go in for it good deal" Fair one
81 wonder you don't learn. Punch.
Two little girls were comparing pro-
gress in catechism study. 81 have got
to Original SIM" said one. How far
have you gotp ooh, I'm beyond Re-
demption," said the other.
THERE are those who take up so much
time in profession that there is none left
in which to practice. They are like the
cinnamon tree, for the bark is the best
part of them.--N. Y Herald.
| p. = A -
of man that he can marry any woman
he pleases. IF the truth of this state
ment is questioned we may possibly be
induced to add that he must please her
or he can never marry her.
WHEN people flock into place of
business rs if they we're making run on
savings bank, there is no occasion for
alarm 1t is only an evidence that the
establishment advertises. Rome Sen
! ti,el.
| GAS MINE SHOULD BE-"
| The odor from the flower is gone,
! Which like thy kisses breathed on me;
The color from the flower l.. flown.
Which glowed Of thee and only thee.
| Iweep--my tears revive II notl
sight breathes no more on me;
It's mute and accomplishing lot
Is tuch as mine should be.
IT is one of the plausible arguments
of the incorporate that beer makes
man fat, but the fact that many steady
drinker has been known to lean--against
lamp post, ought to be carefully con-
sidered.
The Aldermen of Lowell, Mass, have
passed city ordinance requiring bar
bers to close their shops on Sunday, and
the sinners of that town cry out with a
loud voice: "What shall we do to be
shaved ?'-G Chicago Tribune.
THE chief executioner of Spain
started in life as an opera singer, but
disguised with the Kisses of the pit he
threw up his position and began killing
off the population by more certain and
quicker method.
IT is said that the reason why bigamy
is of such rare occurrence in Hungary is
that once on time man who was con-
/ victed of this crime was sentenced by
the Court to live for two years with
both wives. The punishment was con-
sidered cruel, but it had the desired ef
feet.
GREAT men, says the Cincinnati
Enquirer, must show no emotion over
any news or event. just watch great
man the next time he mistakes bottle
of Jamaica ginger for sample of pure
Kentucky bourbon.--Nea0 York CONNER
ciat advertiser.
THE other evening, at the conclusion
of an earnest religious meeting in GER
tain Methodist Church, the preacher
announced that the audience might
sing:
"sPraise God, from whom all blessings fow,'
And receive the benediction by brother Snow"
-Norfhuesftrn.
On the question of advertising, an old
advertiser says: A man who does not
advertise does not want to be bothered.
He don't want to tell people what he has
for sale, therefore don't ask him. Let
him sleep the sleep that knows no wax
ing in his own peculiar way. - Yonkcrs
Gazette. =
WHY Chinamen's coats have five
buttons: Why does the mantle of our
national costume have five buttons,
neither more nor less? This number
, was not fixed upon capriciously, nor
because of fashion. We Chinese wear
it solely that we may keep in sight
, something to remind us of the five
principal moral virtues which Con-
0 fucius recommended to us SO earnestly.
T These are: .Jen, u, III, tche and SIM; that