The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-08-09

Il he
The artfeulate beat Of the heart ON the age
As the ebbing Of ocean leaves granite walls bare
And reveals to the world its autograph there
A new brand of cigar is called the ' lottery
ticket" because only one in thousand ever
draws.
There Is good deal Of truth in this 50 cullud -
sentiment - People nebber knows when dey's
well of till dey're worser."
Man is a gudgeon-woman is the line; her
smile, the float; her kiss, the bait. Love is the
hook. And marriage is the frying pan.-PUek
A single ache is bad enough, but the 9th ache
is worse. It required great pains to produce
this joke, and yet it don't suit US. Its tooth IN
He had Just arrived at the AstOr House. fresh
from Skowegan, when he heard band organ
peaIing forth " Nancy Lee" :: Jern my pic
ture. - said he, a. ef that toon amt got as fur
Moo York. PUCK
a down town man says be has the best auction
ear IN his f=4sIIy 1t belongs to his wife, and it
hears r-severy auction in this city, much to the
saSness of his purse.
He was q good man. His voice was ever lifted
up in behalf Of the right and his very last breath
was used in-blowing down the barrel of his 1T
gun TO see If il was loaded. lt was.
II you want q tew get at the circumiero.-
Of a man." says Josh Billings, - examine him
amung men; but If you want to get at his ak
tual diameter, meazure him at his fireslde-"
We fatter ourselves we are extremely liberal
when we say n thousand dollars worth Of good
Of a man after his death, to whom, when living,
VIC would not have loaned V.
.sOh,- said the afflicted wife, weeping over
his body, - be said he would take of his haunels
any way, and. poor man, he little thought how
soon nc would go where aannels are never need
ed"
An exchange paper says: - We see it stated
that clergyman and lawyer both advised
Young man - never to think of being an editor"
any calling except that of an editor, what then? =?
What do you know Of the character of this
man2' was asked Of n witness at police court
the other day. {" What do / know of his char
acter? | know it to be unbleachable your
Honor he replied, with much emphasis.
eff it was not for the years couched upon his
head wrote the obituary writer and then he
got right MP and hoWled when the typesetter
rendered it, ' II it not for his ears be could
have stood upon his head"
Some people are born to be contrary, and they
fulfil theiE mission with religious zeal. They are
ike the Irishman's frog, who, he said, always
stood up when he sat down, and always sat down
when be stood up.
Boys" said the schoolmaster, - can any of
YOU tell me the meaning Of a local hit ? >" ''
can replied little shaver whose father was
connected with morning Journal, '' local
hit means newspaper reporter punched"
The papers say that scientists assert that kiss
ing is dangerous. Ihe scientist who originated
this theory must have been caught by her hus-
band We will give him the benefit of the
doubt, however. and suppose it to have been her
father, or her big brother.
A raw German who had been summoned on
jury duty required to be relieved, giving this
reason I" Schudge, can mich goOt Inglsh on
derstan'." Looking over the crowded bar the
Judge replied 50 Oh, you can serve. You won t
have to understand good English you won t
hear any such here"
Vow the boy climbs up the trees
And the verdant fruit doth seize.
And Immediately the poison in his stomach camps
And does the hdgets and the collie and the cramps
81 don't think much Of newspaper men, and
/ never take any stock in what the papers say, !"
he said. And then everybody knew that he bad
done something that be was ashamed Of, and the
papers had published an account Of it.