The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1879-08-09
FUNNYGRAPHS.


A wELL-DREssED woman always has
attired look.-BostOn Post.
FoRKED lightning is not apt to be
tiny affair.
The stick in the lemonade may make
you feel like log.-Meridea Recorder.
JOSH BILLINGS expressed the unani-
nous sentiment when he said, "Dern
hy."
THE Derrick thinks the cheapest kind
of country seat any one can buy now Is
a stump.
A SPORTING gentleman of undue lev
ity of mind spoke of dog show as
reign of terrier.
JONES, who is engaged to an heiress,
calls her Economy, because she's on the
road to wealth.-B0St1n Courier.
AN old adage says, Love levels all: :"
So does tanglefoot whisky, II taken In
sufficient quantity.-Rome Sentinel
A MAN in Venice, ILL.,, has christened
his cat "Othello, or the Newer . OF
Venice"
THE fellow made bad bull when he
went to steal squash and got gourd.-
Boston transcript.
"TIME makes all things right" except
the Disappointment fellow feels when
he is left by train = Wheeling Leader.
A TEXAS dog ate eight dollars worth
of postage stamps, and its owner thinks
he has right to bring it east in mail
car.
WHEN Venus rose from the sea 1t
must have seemed very improper to the
gods that she didn't wear bathing suit.
| ". Y. Commercial.
ADVICE to the milkmen: Don't cry
over split milk, but carefully fill up the
can with water so the milk will color 1t,
and continue peddling.-Od City Der
rick.
VAssAR COLLEGE girls don't intend to
die old maids, apparently. A number
of them were discovered, recently, fenc-
| ing with broomsticks.-N OrriSt0107a Her.
aid.
| A MICHIGAN man told Michigan
milliner that she was twice as homely as
her ten dollar hats, and she laid his eal
open with a club. Pocket your ears
before you attack milliners.
SCENE: Recitation in Mental Science
Professor" How do you know that you
know anything?" Senior-"I don't
know.
NEWLY married husband: "This 6
friend of mine, my dear-a friend OF
twenty years standing" "Good grra
cious. Then pray give him seat, fol
| am sure he must be tired"
Mrs. HYToRN, who couldn't ride in
the same horse-car with colored man
will allow him, as her coachman, to SIT
beside her and drive when she rides IN
single seat buggy.-Boston Post.
The writer's favorite flower now adorn;
| the corner of new stationery. Sheets
with marigold in one corner are preferred
by young people who haven't anemone
Norrist0qon Herald.
| SEVENTIES persons were poisoned by
drinking lemonade at a picnic at Lanes
borough, Mimi, the other day. Some
scoundrel must have put some lemon and
sugar in it-Norrist0e0a Herald.
"OH, Shuf1es, Shuffles, intoxicated
again Do you know the place where
drunkards go?" Shufles-" Coursh ]
do-(hicl-the place where they-(hic,
-cansh get mosh for their monish-
(hic)."
John, did you take the note to Mr.
Jones?" eyes; but l don't think he
can read it." "Why so, Johnw "Be
cause he is blind, sir. While l was in
the room he axed me twice where my hal
was, and it was on my head all the time. D
A LITTLE Waterloo Sunday schoo
miss was asked by her teacher, "What
| do b -
heaven?" ode, 1 suppose" replied the
little one. The teacher didn't question
her any further Waterloo Observer.
A SYRACUSE IN. Y. undertaken went
down the track to bury the victim of 8
supposed railroad accident. AS he liftec
the woman's body tenderly into the
wagon she rubbed her eyes and ex
claimed, 'Hello, | guess l muzzer beer
sleep!" He dropped her.
GUST think of the nasty men eating
CIGARS" said Mrs FilfIlan, the othel
day. "They don't eat cigars, mother,
interposed her son; " they only chew
tobacco" "Hold your tongue" snap
ped the old lady; wasn't it only thi
morning that | heard your father ash
Mr.. Simpkins if he had cigarette"
JULIA and Pauline, fgurantes at
theater, have a little tiff. 81 hate vol
so, you mean thing" says Julia, "that
wish you hadn't brooch to your back p
"And ! hate you So" retorts Pauline
chat if you were drowning before my
eyes | wouldn't lift my little finger t.
give you a cup of cold water-therew
A FRIEND, writing from San Leandro
Cal, tells the following: "a cute lit
tie fve-year-old, whose parents wer,
connected with the Presbyterian church
said: Mamma, was Christ a Jew?'
eyes, DEAR" replied the mother
"WeIl, that's strange, now, isn't i
mamma, when his father, God, was
Presbyterian.
OLD MRS. CUR says she has Away
noticed that in the summer time when i
is not needed the sun is always as hot a
an oven, while in the winter, when
warm sun would be very agreeable, it i
always as cold as an ice-house. We hav
noticed this, too. 1t must be the faul
of the almanac makers.-Norristoa0i
Herald.
A MAN with red face, and lookin
rather shabby, called at a house on
Sunday and asked for a drink of ale
The lady of the establishment refused
telling him she could not accommodate
him. He urged her, assuring her tina
some persons had entertained angel
unawares. eyes," said she, 81 kno,
that; but angels don't go about drinkin
ale on Sundays"
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