Daily Republican., 1879-10-02
HUnOROUs.

stuffed dummy, the light being very
dim on account Of the Sunday Liquor
law. This object, looking very much
like limp, old topper, they leaned
against the bar and ordered on round
Of drinks, end then another and yet
another. After this, one after one the
crowd went out, leaving one man and
Dummy. Snow, then," says the last
Of the party to Dummy, "you will set
tie for these drinks, old fellow" and
then added in an assumed voice, "All
right, old chap; Pm well fxed," and
then walked out. There Vas a mo
ment's silence. The man looked at
Dummy and Dummy looked at the
man. In the dim but not religious
light It looked to the bartender as If
the mads-up man was leering at him a
little, and so he spoke up, rather sharp
ly "Come, settle for those drinks"
He remained dumb. ~ want my money;
you are a stranger tome." No answer,
and 1t appeared to the man as he saw
1t in the moonlight that struggled
through the shutter that Dummy actu-
ally winked at him defantly. He could
wait no longer, but shouted, 81 will
knock the stufing out Of you,"he drew
back and knocked Dummy the length
Of the room and across beer barrel.
He had knocked the stuffing out Of him
for the straw flew in every
direction. "You have killed him.
yelled the crowd, rushing into the door
and lowering over their supposed com.
rade. The terrified barkespsr hurried
from behind the bar and began to be-
moan the result Of his ungovernable
rage, but a roar Of laughter made him
,ee the joke, and he "set 'em up"
ScEsE.-The billiard-room Of fash
ionable club-hose. At nine O'Clock
snter Augustus, who removes his
ulster and discloses a dress
suit. One Of the plsyers-"Hullo ! Gus
Is rigged out under full sail and all the
candles lighted. What is it old fellow!"
Augustus-''Oh l have been to make
my party call on Miss Banker. She
wasn't at home, so l left my pastebosrd
and came around here" Thirteen
young men drop their canes, seize their
hats, and remark, 'That's the racket for
me-" and slide off to Beacon street. At
eleven O'Clock Miss Banker gets home,
finds fourteen cards and says, ''How
funny that all the boys should have
called this evening"" At the same
hour Augustus receives three "smiles"
and ten cigars, the grateful offerings Of
thirteen young men, who have made
their party call without the trouble Of
dressing or the expense Of a hack
Boston Courier"
While journeying through the White
region, Professor Agassiz and
his scientific companion, seated on the
.op of the stage, irritated the driver by
repeatedly calling to him to stop when
hey noticed anything botanically fas-
,inating on the road, and jumping
iown from their seats in order to OBJ
ain II. Professor FELTON,, who was
with them, kept his seat during the
whole ride, and told the driver, in ex-
planation of their conduct, that they
we're naturalists. On the next day,
when the driver had another load of
passengers, he narratedto those near
him on the box the strange freaks Of
mis- yesterdays companions. "Their
Keeper" he added, "called them ma
and certainly they behaved as
,ich."
LORD MANSFIELD, probably with a
view 10 prolong his own days, was al
ways anxious to, when old witnesses
we're in court, to know their customary
habits of life. 1t SO happened that two
7ery old men by the name Of Elm were
me day the subjects Of his inquiry.
said his lordship to the elder brother,
You are very old man; l suppose
,ou have lived very temperate life 7"
Never drank anything but water, my
ord" said Elm. "Nor you, either, !
uppose," said the Judge, addressing
to the younger brother. "When
could get nothing else, my lord,' was
he reply. ~ always took NY socia!
,lass with my friends" swell, then,"
'eplied his lordship, "all that we can
'ay is, an elm will flourish wet or dry"
A GREEN spRra from the EN- erald
[sle entered a boot and shoe shop to
purchase himself pair Of "brogues."
After overhauling his stock-in.trade,
Without being able to suit his customer
he shopkeeper hinted that he would
make him pair to order. The price
vas named. The Irishman demurred
,ut after Chatting down." the thing
vas ga trade" Paddy was about
eaving the shop, when the other call
d after him, asking, "But, what size
hall I make them, sir ?" "Och,
ried Paddy, promptly, "niver mind
bout the size at all Make them as
arge as ye conveniently can for the
AsHE WAS ASCENDING the pulpit steps
ne of the elders buttonholed him to
hisper an additional caution: "The
quor dealer has just come into church
nd he gives us lift sometimes.
ish you would be particular not to al
lde to the whiskey business or the
question" The young
.inister, getting frightened to see the
loral. ground thus steadily narrowing
efors him inquired, "Whom or what
hall preach against then?" The ell
er's reply came like an air of triumph:
Preach against the Mormons, they
aven't got friend in town."
A RoMEo one night last week vent
, serenade his best girl, choosing a Sc
,ction from "Pinafore" as an opening
iece. In voice trembling with emo
on and tendency to split on the high
otes, he began Farewell, mil love,
pht of me-" when a four pound
rick waited through the midnight air