The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1879-01-10

| Among young ladles VINO are learning
to skate this winter the interest in fall
styles will be revived.
"A lady asked a physician whether
snuff was injurious to the brain. mo-
said he, "for anybody who has any brains
never takes snuff"
Ills your master up ?" asked gentle.
man of servant early one morning. eyes
SIR" was the significant reply; tive carried
him up at two o'clock"
When placed under a microscope the
sting of a bee presents polish of dazzling
beauty, but when placed in the end of q
mans nose it takes on the semblance of O
rat-tail file dipped in vitriol, aud brings
out words as rough as grindstone.
1t is better not to ask too many ques.
ticns about the future. A curious hus-
band-that is q husband that was too
curious-asked his wife, "My dear, what
kind of stone do you think they will
give me when / am gone 2" She answered
coolly, birthstone, John ?"
S. W. Riley contributes to the Toledo
Blade poem entitled 1.-THE Song I Never
Sing" Whereupon the Albany Journal
remarks ''If the song you never sing,
Riley, is MY Grandfather's Clock may
Heaven bless you, and your aunt in the
country leave you all her property"
| "A cunning lawyer, meeting with q
shrewd old friend on white horse, deter
mined to quiz him. Good morning, dad
| dy! Pray what makes your horse look so
pale in the face 2" "Ah my dear friend,n
replied the old man, "if thee had looked
through halter so long, thee would look
| pale too !"
| How much shall you charge for a
bologna sausage that will reach from one
| of my ears to the otheri" asked soldier
in Berlin of dealer. "Fifty kreutzers,"
was the reply. II take that Offer" replied
| the soldier; zone OF my ears was cut off
in battle thousand miles from here"
A compromise was effected.
The gentlest taskmaster we ever knew
is blacksmith, who says every evening
to his apprentices, Come, boys, let's leave
off work and go to saving wood % He
must be brother of the farmer down
east, who, one season when he was build
ing a new house, used to try to get his
hired help out to play dig cellar by moon
light.
A store was broken one night but
| strange to say, nothing was carried off,
The proprietor was making his brag of it,
at the same time expressing his surprise at
losing nothing. mot all surprising" said
his neighbor; "the robbers lighted lamp,
didn't they9" YES" was the reply
WELL" continued the neighbor, "they
found your goods marked up so high that
they cauldnt afford to take them"
wdower of sixty five, with countenance Sc
rene,
Under the marriage alter leads miss of sweet
sixteen;
The priest steps down, in stole and gown, with
grave and solemn air,
And to the font. without word, he leads the
bnshing pair.
"Why bring us here?" the groom inquiries The
sober priest replies:
Il thought that thee had brought to me this III
FAINT to baptize."
tChicdgo Tribune
What did your mother say. my little
man. Did you give her my card 2" asked
an inexperienced young gentleman of
little boy whose mother had given him an
invitation to call upon her, and whose
street door was accordingly opened to his
untimely summons, by the urchin afore-
said Eyes gave it to her." was the in
nocent reply, and she said if you were not
a nat'ral born fool, you wouldn't come on
Monday morning, when everybody was
washingw
An ignorant fellow, who was about to
get married, resolved to make himself per-
feet in the responses of the marriage cere-
mony; but by mistake he committed to
memory the Office of baptism for those of
ripper years; so when the clergyman asked
him in church-"Wilt thou have this wo-
20 ba thu g. - a..
groom answered solemnly ~ renounce
them ALL" The astonished minister said,
II think you are a fool !" To which he re-
piled, -"All this l steadfastly believe"
"A short time since some gentlemen
were enjoying the diversion of coursing,
and having lost sight of the hare, one of
the party rode up to a boy when the fol.
lowing dialogue ensued: boy, have you
seen hare running this way, followed by
dogs9" "What do you mean-a little
brown thing9" Eyes" "Had it long
p yes" "a little white under the
belly ?" "Yes ?" Had it a short tail 2"
"Yes." "And long legs9' "Yes." "Was
it running as fast as it could 2" "Yes,
it was.' Boy (after pause) mo, have
not seen it."
"A gentleman was dining with a friend,
when most dreadful storm arose. The
host insisted upon his guests acceptance of
lodging for the night. The guest COM
piled, but in few minutes was missed from
the parlor. In half an hour he reappeared,
drenched with rain. "where have you
been 2" asked the host, viewing the singu-
lar object which looked like a dog about
the paws, and weeping willow about the
head. ar" said he, quietly shaking off
the water-"I have been at home to tell
my wife that, as it was such bad night, |
should not return"
A sable son of Ham presented himself
at the desk of the marriage license clerk of
the Probate Court, the other day, and
asked for license to marry his dusky
Dulcinea. Among other problems pro
pounded him was: "Are you and the lady
related 2" Eyes, sab !" was the answer
"What relation are you to each other 2"
was the next query. "Sab5" calculated
the applicant for matrimonial honors. 81
mean what kin are you to each other2" ex-
planned the handsome Harry 1--WE isn't
any kin to each other, no kin at all, sah."
responded the American citizen of ETH
opian descent. But you said you were
related" answered ReichteD. II thought
you ueluutl W ut tcuticT TeidSuuDS Oh luV
what prevails between us at de present mo.
ment," said scipio; so lie got his license.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
THE TINE FOR SLEEP.- Sleep obtained
two hours before midnight, when the neg
alive forces are in operation, is the rest
which most recuperates the system, giving
brightness to the eye and glow to the
cheek. The difference in the appearance of