Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1879-06-25
FUNNYoRAPHs.


d !
., If your shoes tore 70 to shoe store
and get it repaired.
The army at the polls-The world'l
barbers.-C Chicago Journal.
THE Sunday question-baked beans OF
J fish balls for breakfast
3 "THIs can't be beat" as the man said
when he bought the porcelain egg.
ACCORDING to the homeopathists, like
: cures like; but does love cure love1
! Ma'am9-NeaO York Herald.
. The Utica Observer thinks the eloping
young lady of the period is the lily of the
valet.
The young man who feels too proud
/. to climb q CREASED pole for the amuse-
ment of the Fourth Of July public will
, never be heard of in school books.s
The latest for the lager beer sign il
GIVE Hundred Men Wanted-With
Five Gents Capitalize Unload Schoon-
ers."
WHEN boy reaches the age of 10
years, he condescendingly begins to talk
about "the children."-Mew Haven
Register.
AN exchange tells of an Alabama
lady who cries nearly all the time and
get grows fat. The fat is laid on in
tiers.-Philadclphia Bulletin.
GRACE (whispering): "What lovely
boots your partners got, Maryl" Mary
(ditto): eyes, unfortunately he shines
at the wrong end."-Punch.
A SON of the Siamese twins is achiev.
ing high honors in an eastern college;
which leads funny man to ask: "Why
shouldn't he rise in the world? His
father was well connected"
The Burlington Hapkeye has over.
heard poor but earnest Iowa tramp
say: "Build low roosts and put out the
moon and I'll never beg for another
morsel of food as long as 1 live.
In wedding invitations Ia mode, the
cards admitting guests to the church are
made in the shape of q horseshoe,
which, tits conjectured, gives horseshoer-
ance of connubiAl bliss.
Mr.. MORRISON, . sexton, claims to
have dug over one thousand graves. He
wants to get up match with some other
sexton, at Gilmore's Garden.-Danbxsy
Meus.
WHEN they rob q man in Deadwood
they make him "put up his hands,"
When the thing is to be done in Wall
street the party is asked to put up
margin.
WHEN the contribution box passes up
the aisle, the man who hasn't anything
less than dollar in his pocket finds the
deacon such q homely man he can't bear
to look at him.-Steubenville Herald.
$50 you are going to keep school,"
said young lady to an old maiden aunt.
"Well, for my part, sooner than that I
would marry q widower with nine chill
dren." II would prefer that myself,
but where is the widower?"
THE statement that "the warm Airt-
ing season approaches, when beauty
must keep its powder dry" appears in
the local column of the st. Adams Id
vertise-. This is dead give away on the
girls of that hamlet.
edo you see that stick, sir9" said q
very stupid acquaintance to Sydney
Smith. This stick has been all around
the world, sir" Indeedl" said the re-
morselesssydney. "And yet it is moth.
ing but stick"
THE saying of an old philosopher that
move the xo.d sd ds cn Nc cou,o
spondent to write to the Wheeling
Leader that if he had dried apple big
enough he could soak up the Pacific
ocean.
WHEN you see q woman going toward
the river with q pole in her hand, you
needn't think she is going fishing. Not
much; she's got q boy down that way
who promised her, with tears in his
eyes, that he wouldn't 90 in swimming.
-&el6enviLs Herald.
An Irish waiter at Christmas gath.
ering complimented turkey in the fol-
lowing manner: "Faith, It's not six
hours since thot turkey was walking
around his real estate with hands in his
pockets, never dhraming what purity
invitaahun he'd have to jine yees gintle-
men 1t dinner"
A LEGAL gentleman met q brother
lawyer on Court street, one day last
week, and the following conversation
took place: swell, Judge, how is busi-
nessf" "Dull, dull; I am living ON
faith and hope" Very good; but I
have got past you, for I am living on
charity"
PATHETIC subject for . picture: A
filed with children, under
stern instructions to keep their minds
on their lessons, while rapturous strains
from . circus-band seated in q triumphal-
car float in at the window, and seven
large and costly elephants are k~osOx to
be majestically tramping on behind.
A L.
article ON the "Root Of al evil" made
it " Boot of al evil" The editor ex-
planned in his next issue that the com.
positor was courting girl whose father
was of an irate disposition, wore heavy
number twelves, and was fond Of aling-
ing the missile toe.
GINA. has sister Floy ever travelled
auyr "No, child, no." Then when
I was a-lyin' under the eofy Sunday
night, and sister and Mr.. John came In
from church and was a-sittin' in the big
rockin' cheer, how come her to ray that
the incest land she ever saw was Lap
landr'
HE looked up very humbly, and said
be was sorry to be found In such place,
but he could assure the court that he
Vas never in tho prisoners box before.
!. Neverr asked the court, with some
severity. "Look a-here, judge" said
The culprit, "name the fine, but don't
,pring that Pinafore rag on . fellowi"-
hw~er Fa1s Reporter.
A C0uNTRYMAx, seating himself In .
restaurant With the inten-
Ion Of eating hearty dinner, summoned
] waiter and made known his purpose.
Tho latter skippsd briakly away, and
anally returned with : HANDSOMELY
bound bill of fare, which hs opened and
plaosd bsioss % the quest xhe. P1s1ains i
ne; vittAh h what / want -vittalA and
putty dernsd quick, too.n
+ A YouHa man In this city who isqnite
Ioud Of trout Aahing, bnt Seldom 1esy
81 : a Aak