The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-09-23
Got tho Colo lSad.

|.
ood-looking young man and a pretty young
woman, made their fingers fly like knitting
needles as they "talked' TO each other, and
their eyes snapped and twinkled as some
happy or brilliant thought was thrown off
from their finger ends. A tall, lean man
with western beard and cars was deeply
Interested In the young couple, but his in-
terest, Judging from the expression of his
face, was of gloomy nature. At last he
sighed, or, to speak more accurately, his
susplration took the form of u half-suppress-
ed grunt, and turning to the reporter he
said:
stranger, it's sad sight to see two
young ben's like those doomed to wander
alone, as you might say, through this world;
for Of course If they went hand in hand like
other couples go, they couldn't talk and
whatever manual labor they may be doin'
they've either got to endure solitary con-
inement, rs it were, or else drop their work
and loaf"
"You wouldn't s'pose I understood the
dccf-mute language, would yer" continued
the man from the West. "Wcll, | do,
and | can understand all that that fcllcr aud
his girl are talkin' about | don't feel
much sympathy for them either, on account
of their intliction, because they're maxim
The reporter suggested that that was Il
good deal like talking behind ones back.
''That's jest what it is, stranger. know,
because Pvc been thar myself. | larnt the
dcaf-mutc language because il helps nc in
my business of introducin' my arti- i-iicial au-
ditory apparatus. That'll make. you hear
talkin' behind your back, no matter if
you're as dccf Il bcd-post. Ivc had some
right larfablc experiences with with this
here artificial auditory apparatus. One
day was navigatin' through Il village in
in the northwest corner of Illinois and saw
the door of little ranch open. Now, you
know, patcnt-right man allus goes into
the house if he sees door open, and if
there amt any open he's sure to get in some
how. Well, in the front part If this ranch
was baby rolln' round in a crib with its
face lookin like Il dish of angle worms and
cryin' enough to raise the mischief. But
the mother was sttn' clus by tho cradle an
lariin' like to split herself. Says |,
Madame, what on arth air you lartin' at 2"
She didn't make no answer an she did not
know anybody 'ccpt her kid was thar till l
tapped her on the shoulder. Then she
looked up an | see she was dccf. So
teIegraphed to her an asked her what she
was larn' Mt 50 hearty. why she tcc-
gmphcd back, only to see that dear little i'll
noccnt CROWN an arfin' The angels is
takin' to him, | do believe. Nladamc,'
says |, that baby is cryin' hissclf to DEATH
and he's got the colo baA.' what do you
mean 2 says she. l pulled one of these
auditorcs out Of my pocket, continued the
interesting stranger producing ono of the
instrumcnts--a very small ailar-and toss
ing it to the reporter in true western style,
'and clappcd it into the woman's cur In
second she bust out cryn'. BE cam,'
says |, 'bc cam.' oh, how can ~ SAYS
she. This is the first time ever heard my
blessed child cry. an't ashamed to own
up that shed Il few tears of sympathy for
her. But when had sort O collected my
self together again, | says, madame, all
you've got to do is to give that baby dose
of paragoric and not even this delicate in
srumcnt will enable you to hear his moans,
for he won't moan. You'll save a doctors
bill, and this artificial auditory apparatus
costs only So. She paid the 81 suddenly
and sloped, leaving her futur' very happy.
''But spcakin about talkin' behind your
back" he continued, 81 tried my auditory
once onto an old maid, who'd become dccf
from years. Did l sell her an auditory
guess | didn't. She said as soon as ever
she put IL to her ear it told her that her
niece down stairs was a-takin' about her,
and that it lied, for nobody never talked
about her, not even her niece, although she
was al impudcnt little hussy, allus rllnnn
artcr the young men. I got out O that
house almighty sudden, leavln' the old maid
talkin' behind her niccc's back. .
The auditory man laughed and chucklcd
and then said
"Now, stranger, Pm goin' to try my au-
dltory on that young gal, and you'll see if
it don't make her hear just rs well rs you
or me-"
He then went over to the young woman,
communicated with her for moment in her
own silent language, and then dclcatcly
placed the instrument in her ear. For a
few seconds she took the attitude sOf an
eager listener, and then, dashing the instru-
ment to the floor Of the car, moved her fin
gers rapidly i'll the face of her escort, who
promptly signallcd the conductor to stop
the car The auditory man, who had
jumped to his feet, stood looking after the
young couple, and when they had reached
the sidewalk he returned to his scat beside
the reporter.
"What was the matter with the young
lady 2" asked the reporter.
''Thats where it is" said the auditory
man. sorrowfully. ''Pll have to get this
artificial auditory apparatus reconstructed
and toned down. It's too powerful. 1t
makes the least whisper sound as loud as
the roar of Maine stump orator. AS soon
as ever that air gal put it to her car she
heard somebody up in the corner there
talkin' about her an her fcllcr, and natter
ally 1t made her mad. I'm sorry. She was
a nice, round girl, want she and l know
she'd have bought one if it want for them
fresh young fcllcrs chinnin' about her mis-
fortewns."
IboniZcd Furniture.
Chamber furniture made of cb0niZcd
wood in imitation of the rich "cbony and
gold" more common in the Eastern lIemi-
sphere, is quite popular, and there are few
fine furniture stores in this city in which
more or less of it is not displayed. Some
superb specimens were shown at the Nc