Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-12-16

Washington Special Telegram.l
. Mark Twain's latest production is letter
giving his opinion of private secretaries, in
which he sits down rather hard upon Mr..
Kirby, private secretary to Postmaster Cen
eral Key. The letter has caused great
deal of amusement among Mr.. Kirby's asso-
ciates in the postofdce, and that gentleman
feels very much torn up in consequence.
and probably will not be anxious to tackle
the subject again, at least not for some
time. Some days ago Mr.. Kirby
took occasion to write letter to Mr..
Clemens, in which he had the temerity to
criticise some comments made by the gentle
man upon recent order of the postofioe
department.. Mr.. Kirby felicitonsly inclos-
ed tract issued by the postofice depart
ment, saying that "it was to meet lust such
hardened cases as yours; and I also send you
a copy of the postal laws, and hope you will
take the trouble to look into the matter thor
oughly." It seems by the letter received
in reply that Mr.. Clemens did look into the
matter thoroughly, and Mr.. Kirby thinks
now that he made
TOO SEARCHING STUDY
of it. Among other things in this letter.
Mr.. Clemens says:
My callow friend, when you will have out.
grown the effervesence of youth, and acquired
q bit of worldly experience, you will cease to
make mistakes like that. That is, you will
recognize the simple wisdom of Winding your
own business. Yon seem to think you have
been called to account. This is great error
It is the postofice department of the United
States that has been called into account.
There is a vast difference here which you seem
to have overlooked. I will point it out. You
are not the spostof6ce department, but only an
Grave elderly public Instructors like me do not
call private secretaries to account. The mistake
you have made is simple;y imagined yourself
the dog, whereas you are only the tail. You en-.
deavored to wag tho, dog. This was injudi-
cious. You should have hung quiescent until
the dog wagged you. You seemed to have
gathered the impression, somehow, that you
are member of the cabinet. This is an
error. Your chief is one of the guns of that
battery; you are not. You are not gun, or a
load, or even ramrod; neither do you supply
ammunition; you only serve as stick to fro
it off. You are nota barrel of molasses, but
only the faucet through which the molasses is
discharged. You are not boot, but q boot
jack. Do You perceive? The thing am try
ing to convey to you is that it does not become
you to assume functions that do not belong to
you. The newspaper slip which you enclosed
to me will return by one of my private sec.
retaries. I keep eleven of these things not for
use. but for display. -.
THE POINT PLAINLY PUT.
Speaking of the envelope in which MI.
Kirby's lotter was enclosed, Mark says:
You, an unofficial private citizen. have writ
ten me an entirely personal letter enclosed in
an envelope bearing upon its surface in plain
print the warning: "A penalty of $500 is
than official business" The servants of the
government ought to be, for decency's sake,
among the last to break it's laws. You have
committed an offense with no elements of
joke about it, and if your superior does his
duty he will impose the penalty involved. As
far as am concerned You are sate but if you
intrude upon me again I may be tempted to
bring you before the courts for violation of
law. There, now, receive my blessing. Go,
and do not mix in other peoples business any
more; otherwise you may pick up somebody
who will feed you disagreeable words instead
of sugar. MARK TWAIN, etc.