The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-03-05
HOWA VALENTINE GAME NEAR
running ED WARDS Do
NFSTTG HAPPTNESC

4
To thu Editor Of the Morristown Gazette:
lam slowly recovering from my at
tack of softening of the brain, and the
doctor said might write letter if
wouldn't strain myself aud would stop
ut once when felt anything strange
about my head.
began to write day before yesterday
and felt something on my head I stop
ped at once, went to bed and got Capt.
Taylor to examine me. He said he was
no doctor, but could cure me in ten
minutes if paw-paws were ripe. But it
spoiled the writing for that day.
Yesterday was St. Valentines day,
and felt all the time like | ought to
write something on the subject. Tree
objected how used to steal a dozen eggs
and with the proceeds buy me a valen-
tine and send it TO the pretfiest gap in
all Skinfoot But alas those days are
gone I studied what I could say for
the good old 14th of February; / couldn't
Gell whence it came nor where it was
going to. was meditating thusly when
got to town and got my mail no.
ticed one of my letters had only a one
cent stamp on it, but I supposed it was
emily statement of my account dropped
in the post-offce by some of the mer-
chants so as to be in time for the end Of
the month. But TO my great surprise it
was a valentine 1t was one OF the
most hideous things you ever saw of the
kind. The size of the head was i'm.
nense, and the other end was small in
proportion. The arms were too long,
but not longer than a rattan walking
cane. The corners of the standing col |
lar were even with the eyes. 1t was in
q deep study, and with large quill pen
in the left hand was writing its thoughts |
1t was simply the most outrageous thing |
ever perpetrated. The worst of it, how
ever, was the poetry below, viz:
IAN AUTHOR"
''Poor would-be author you've mistaken your forte
By your trash the public can't be caught;
You dream OF fame ana think your head win win it, /
Such penny-a-liner cannot win fame
Your heads too soft-your wits too tame.
Saving wood lie much more in your line,
So drop your pen and get wood-horse for your
valentine"
When / went home unthoughtediy / |
said TO my wife had gotten valentine,
and saw at once my mistake-hcr eyes
flashed fire, and she turned intuitiveIy
TO the fireplace, then to each corner Of
the room but, fortunately for me, there
was neither broom nor shovel in the
room. Without any unnecessary delay
proceeded to explain that it was not
one Of that ksndI That it was not a
wreath of flowers, with love poetry in
the center. That it was not handsome
man or beautiful woman with lot of
naked urchins a kicking and hanging
around his or her head, with wings
stuck on them-and that it was not put
up in humpy envelope. with a very
small egg .shaped, smooth piece in the
middle for writing purposes-was sealed
with stamp on the middle of the back
of the envelope, to make the postmaster
or mail agent use profane language
By this time she had resumed her seat
and had thrust the above described in
strument of darkness before her. She
looked at it scornfully for some time
without touching it, and then said, 81
told you so, | told you so p eff youI
don't quit that abominable writing we
won't have friend in town" Said the {
leighbors would hardly loan her meal |
md coffee, and bacon, and such little :
hings now. q thought to myself there
vas something worse than my literary
productions that was the cause). | 1
to stop at once, and got off for {
hat time. / reckon I like the female a
'rethren as well as most anybody, but I >
ope they won't send me any of those !
ancy valentines, if they do, let them :
ign them Bob, or John, or William.
Iywife seems to fear an elopement, and Il
D do ], for she came very near looping 81
10 yesterday. Ireckon care as little .,
bout honor, especially the code of it, !.
} any one you know, but if you find out
no sent me that document please say
} him II he will meet me at Riley Law. M
ms, two and one half miles from Wolf aC
reek, on the North Carolina State-line, "a
fifteen minutes after three o'clock, %. :.
:, Sunday next, we win settle this liz.
e matter in the usual style. That ia =
18th pistols with blank cartridges. FORTY w
lrds, off hand. E. o. IL