The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-08-19
a ToIephonic Pot-FOurri.

The telephone has kicked up biz row
III the bosom of two families already, and
that harmlcss-appcaring instrument is the
prime cause of a young man going about
with his eyes drapcd in deep mourning and
a humpbackcd nose. II seems that Il Young
man whose marriage is of such recent date
that his honeymoon is not yet on the wanc,
conceived the brilliant idea of connecting
his ''bowcr of love" with his place of bust
ness that he might spcud his leisure mo-
ments in saying sweet things to his newly
acquired more valuable frnctio BY ono
of those singular coincidcnts which fate
often throws in the path of unfortunate hu-
mans of all classes, there happened to be-
circuit another family the husband being
the proprietor of front name the same as
that of the newly welded man. And the
fact Of the two members of their stations
having similarity of sound when called
tended to help mix matters up. Things
went along nicely for n few days and tic
young couple had held some very interest
ing cooling matches, when one day the ia
tai mistake was made which led to such
terrible results. Husband the second was
an extremely practical man, and was chief
engineer Of grocery store. His telephone
was attached to his desk, and, the other
day, while all the poetry and romance of
his soul was absorbed, while his mind
wrcstlcd with the problem Of how much 7
40 pounds of Goldfish amounted to at 373
cents per pound, the signal was sounded
and there came waited over the wires:
'tJolm dear, haven't you time to love nc
littlc--I am so loncly'
Johns eyes looked as if they did not be-
licvc his ears lie hadn't heard anything
like that before in fifteen years, and he
didn't propose to in fifteen years to come,
so he grabbed the telephone and curtly ans
.wored:
''Shet your darncd yawp! haven't got
no time to be foolin' with you now"
Eldora, wife number one, was consider
ably taken aback at what she supposed was
an evidence of the cooling love of her John
and she resolved to get even with him
when he came to tea.
Meanwhile, John, poor soul, had been
switched off, and breathing his words of
undying affection to the wife of the elder
John. The lady had been somewhat as
tonishcd at first, but thinking that her hus-
hand was growing affcctionatc again, rs in
days of yore, she began returning suitable
answers, and was highly enjoying rcpe-
tition of her old counting days, when her
John came in unnoticcd by her, and quiet
ly stationed him: elf where he could hear
her remarks. lie was soon rewarded by
hearing her shrek into the telephone
the usual manner of the ladies:
''Ycs, love, and / am just dying for
some Of those sweet kisses you promised
me when you return"
He waited to hear no more; but snatch
ing the telephone he quickly investigated
tho location of the sender, tore out of the
house and down the street, rushed in upon
John the junior, whom he found trying to
ascertain what the matter was at the other
end, and without waiting for preliminary
remarks, grasped him by the coat collar
and slung him over stool where the bridge
of his nose came in contact with tho rim of
coal he'd, bungcd up both eyes and ,,thcn
demanded an apology I4.
AS soon as John could catch what little
breath was left around loose, and recovered
somewhat from his SURPRISE he said:
''Fherc must be some terrible mistake"
Then explanations followed, the two
husband called first on Eldora whom they
found sitting in the hallway with band
box In her lap and weeping hystcrically. AS
soon as she was calncd and rcassurcd, the
wife of John senior was sought and found
sitting staring in dazcd sort Of way at tho
telephone, not able to understand what the
matter was. Xgab
Tho two Johns then and there resolved to
bansh the, telephone from their families
forever, and that is the reason tho company
lost two subscribers, and a butcher sold two
pounds ef lean beefsteak to a sad looking
man leading q companion with handkcr-
chief bound around his eyes.
Z BE not too prodigal the kettle when
too fiill Dllts ont the fire. { YSusIi43 |