The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-02-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

STRIKING objects Clocks.
| NEWS of the weak-Hospital reports.
PEOPLE of settled convictions-Pris-
Oners.
THE first duty on T-Dont forget to
cross it.
SUITABLE dover for widow-A
widower.
TIE article chiefly sold at most fancy
fairs The visitor.
MEN whose business drives them to
the wall-Billposters.
TALMAaE says smoking leads to drink
ing. SO does the salt Goldfish.
A WEST INDIA hurricane is the i'll
wind that blows nobody good.
WHEN ought mariners to have fruit
ut sea? When they stem the currents.
BEER may not make you fat, but an
overdose will make you lean-up against
something.
NEVER step on dogs tail, unless
the other end of the dog Is mile away
from the tail.
! If you want to find out about the pc
cuharities of geese, consult the best
natural hiss stories.
WHAT order of merit would the Queen
remind you of if she were In bad hu-
NOR? Victoria cross.
SHERRY is the name of much-re-
spected Lynn shoemaker. Probably the
original Sherry, cobbler.
WHEN man presents himself before
public audience, it often happens that
! his body is inclined to sink while his
head swims.
A CLOCK is being exhibited at Paris
which fires shot every hour. Some
body says that it's great practical utility
is to kill time"
AUNT FLORENCE" And can you read
yet, Ruth? ?" Ruth-"I should think so,
indeed! and know geography, and his
tory, and sums, and I've got two second
teeth"
MANY man has been known to get
rich by buying sixteen ounces to the
pound, and selling twelve. It is a
poor rule won't work both weighs, they
think.
The inhabitants of Madagascar are
dying to get hold of an American ship
Captain who has sold them 10000 quart
cans of tomatoes Us new kind OF gun
powder.
A BOY, at recent examination in an
English school, was asked who discov-
cred America. II wish I may die" says
British editor, if he didn't answer
Yankee Doodlei'"
SpRIaHILY young LADY, am afraid
have very large foot Polite shop
man-"Large, miss! Oh dear no, miss:
We have lots of gents-that is, custom
ers-with much larger, miss
"OH, yes" she said, I'm very fond
of little boys" and, as she tripped on a
string stretched across the pavement,
she added L feel as if could eat a
couple of 'em this minute, raw"
AT st. Anne's Sunday-school in
Lowell, Mass, in answer to the question:
"What is the greatest church festival?"
little orphan, of years, promptly re-
sponded, THE strawberry festival
HIS acts made him immortal, and
he lives more than ever" was the way
the minister said it mt the funeral; but
the compositor got it, His acts made
him immoral, and he lies worse than
ever
THE editor of the Hackensack Re
publican went to call on his girl, when
he saw on the steps sign which said.
Beware of paint" He went away
signing, Il never before knew that she
painted
CYNICAL swell" Enjoying yourself,
see, doctor; profting by the opportun-
ity." Cynical doctor" What! among
such set of people? I'd have a moreb
enjoyable opportunity of profiting my;
self if l were among my patients"
TON" said man to his friend, the
other day, Il think it is highly danger
Gus to keep the bills of small banks on
hand now-a-days.' "Tim," answered the
other, Il find it more difficult than
dangerous"
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
What makes your lips SO awful sore'"
| Asked Sarah's cross eyed pap:
| And sarah to the old man said:
It's caused by a small chap"
| Then Sarahs youngest brother,
/ A. yet unknown to fame,
Looked Sarah in the eyes and asked:
! What IL the small chaps namef-
Bro corns grow in little boots.
He pays dear for " the dust who lcks IL of Shoes
| II your purse contains no money
Fill your mouth with stolen honey.
He who hides may find hider.
| Smell pine and pass IL by,
| You'll want pine before you die
horse In the four hand il worth two in the DuS
The waiter often puts the carte before the ass.
| POEM OF PLACES.
Now in Chill tone she said,
II will be Frank; It's true.
Although you Arab BRILL ant catch,
| do not Caffre you'll"
90 lady, Dane 10 hear my suit
This heart IL Scot by thee:"
Nay, sir, cannot heed your words,
For you Arnaut to mel
lis Welsh" she @dd freezingly,
"-ince Siam pressed 20 far
To Hindoo you no longer herr,
And 80, good sir. Tsrtri"
-What Ottoman like me TO dor
Bewsiled the stricken man;
I'll Finnish up my mad career
And wed the 0alicani"
~DD you ever" asked brother hu-
morist of Josh Billings, stand at the
hall door after your lecture and listen TO
what fba ,,ao,,1a cai1 about IL as they