davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-11-27

a DOUBLE-SHELL raCo-ClamS.
A BOYS whistle is often sucked tin.
AUTUMN tree song-"We would not
leaf always"
WHEN grapes are squeezed it makes
them whine.
FALL fashions-Coal-hole covers are
worn smooth.
A soLE-sTIRRNe incident Treading
on the point of tack.
To AVOID taking cold-Keep your
mouth and the door shut.
No ONE objects to seeing the Indian
summer here, but out in Colorado they
say they would rather see the Indian
somewher' else.
WHEN Douglass Jerrold heard soei-
ETY. bore speaking Of song that always
carried him away" when he heard it,
Jerrold simply asked if some one pres
ent would please sing it.
How READY some men are to go to
law. So empty thing as banana skin
has caused many one to bring his suit
against the pavement. And what did
he recover? Not even his equanimity.
A BosToN lady lost pocketbook con-
tanning $500, and when an honest little
fellow returned it to her she was so
grateful that she gave him a great deal
OF good advice, and didn't charge him
cent for it.
AN article is going the rounds treat
ing on the best method of putting away
potatoes. A family of about eight, in
Guiding three boys and three girls, can
put away potatoes about as successfully
as is necessary.
x. HAS the best kind of a reputation
as an unrivaled liar. "He is SO much
at home in lying" said A., speaking of
him, that whenever by mistake he
tells the truth, he becomes confused and
troubled" "He's so great liar, said
another of KS friends, that you can't
even believe the contrary of what he
tells you"
ROBERT BURDETTE was in Colorado
at the time of the Ute outbreak, and
briefly defines the cause as follows:
"They had endured almost everything;
WCIC 1OOUCN SlL1u CIiCdtSO udu tHOII
lands taken from them; did not get
enough whisky, and could not steal,
because the Agents had placed every
thing too high. When they heard [
was coming they said they would have
to draw the line some place, for they
would not be lectured to-"
II is suggested that celluloid might
be used in the manufacture of false
teeth. It is capable of high polish, it
is hard without brittleness, and is not
exorbitantly high in price. There is
one objection, to be sure-its infamma-
biity. The person with celIuloid teeth
would have to be very careful never to
give utterance to hot words, or even to
talk too glibly, lest the FRACTIONAL heat
should set his teeth Off one after an
other. The result would be appalling.
But perhaps this very objection would
prove to be the greatest recommen
ton the celluloid could have.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-11-27

New ORLEANS is the city of perpetual
mosquitoes.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-11-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

MY GRANDPARENTS PLUG HAT.
This hat that here hold, is made of silken cloth
And bought it some sixty years ago;
lis true Its somewhat banged, and a home for the
moth,
Yet love it more the older that we grow
It's dressed me since my prime-ouite stvlisb ar
that time
Hence Observation-Disclosures another head
Be: ide cocoanut mine.
Chorus. Sixty years only covering
My head, my head
And DER its few hairs lowering
Closely, closely,
And lt-ne'er-shall-cOver another head
Beside coooanut mine.
This hats shared all my Joys wherever might be
Out riding, at the OPERA or the ball;
AT oyster suppers, too, it always was with me-
That is, upon he hat-rack in the hall
It's felt the silken curls of fair and lovely girls
While yachting afternoons upon the Rhine
And It-ne'er-shal1-cove another head
Beside cocoanut mine.
Chorus.
This hats been in the war; and also slept in peace
And through all stood ever by it's side;
Every day of our lives our love it does increase,
And to-day it's my only JOY and pride.
Together, death Wen meet and my plug has
swet t.
For both to die at once is my design,
Cause it-ne'er-, half-cover another head
Beside cocoanut mine.
Chorus.
BLOOMINGTON, I'll. G. L. MARION.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-11-27


or two and then return home, as no
doubt his parents were anxious about
him.
At the end of month Jeremy started
homeward, with his great heart over
flowing with happin ess. He and Hep
talina had made contract for life.
Just one month from then she would
become his bride.
He was not long walking the twenty
five miles, and as soon as he was in
sight of the old homestead his father
and mother both fastened to meet him,
and rain tears of love on his neck.
Jeremy was reminded of the account
given of the Prodigal Son, still was
aware that their cases varied, as he had
not wasted much in riotous living. Nor
was the fatted calf killed, although the
JOY of those parents hearts was great
at his return, for Jeremy had been q
good, obedient boy, and was all their
dependence.
He could not gather courage, at first,
to tell them of his engagement to Hep
talina, but when he did he was told by
them both that the old house should be
enlarged, and that they would all live
and die in the same place.
Thus Jeremy resumed his labor on
the old farm, never leaving it again to
secure an agency.
After haying he brought home his
bride, and all went merry as mar
riage bell"
PIrTsFIELD, Mass.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
DR.. BONAPARIE & co.
CURE YOURSELF!

Dr. Bohaunan Negotiable Curati9sr IL warranted to per-
mauenty all forms Of spermAiiOrrbeR or Seminal
weakness Grnrrnl Debility ImputrHry etc, and restores
"Lasi Power" and brings back the "fOuhful NgoT OF
those who have destroyed By sexual excuses or evil prac
tees IA from two ~ IS time. This remedy when
has been used By DR. Eohuren in his private practice for
thirty years. known 70 fail In curing even
the WORST CASES Il gives vitality and imparts energy
with wonderful effect 20 those mddle-aRed men who fee
weakness beyond their It's nyigOratng properties
telt az Young suffering from the conse-
OF that drendfy destructive habit OF self Abuse
en- use tins medicine With the assurance OF speedy and
PERMANENT The patient gains strength and elias
ugty Of spirits once, directly the parts affect
% a. soothing and healing tonic and nnodyne to the re-
aNed seminal vcsCes and irrtated ducts, mparng power
and tone and restoring them 10 their natural state the same
~ the baneful habit had been INDUCED in Inc
ingredients simple produ of nnturbarks roots,
herbs, etc, and are specific for the above diseases
All persons must before contemplating marriage reflect
nat sound iud and body the lost necessary requi-
sites 70 promUtH cOnnuhia happiness Indeed without
tse the Journey through life becomes weary grimage
The mind becomes Swallowed with despair and filed with
hs melancholy reflection that the hnppi Of another be-
comes blighie0 with our own.
uB-lrce, Five Dollars sent with full directions, etc "a
any address. For sole only AZ DR. c. A Bohannnns Office
No GIL North Fifth street between Washington and
Green street, St Louis, Mo Established in M.
OF DIT BIS irrailse Special Diseases" which gives
clear delineatnn Of the nature symptoms
rure, ctc., OF hNPuILIS SEMINAL WEAKNESS, ETC sen
tIEh TO any address upon receipt Of ono stamp.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
CITY ELECTION!

CITY ELECTION !
AOT(CE Is HEREBY GIVEN THAT ON THE
IN 4th day of March next, at the following voting
places in the city of Rock Island al election Will
be held for
One Mayor. for one year.
one Alderman, First Ward. for years.
One Alderman, Second Ward, for years.
One Alderman, Third Ward, for years.
One Alderman, Fourth Ward, for years.
One Alderman, Fifth Ward, for years.
One Township Supervisor, for year.
Two Assistant Township Supervisors, for year.
One Township Assessor, for year.
One Township Collector, for year.
PLACES OF VOTING TO BE AS FOLLOWS:
First Ward Hose House.
Second Ward-Hose House.
Third Ward-Hose House.
Fourth Ward-Hose House.
Fifth Ward-Hose House
| The election will be opened at O'Clock in the
morning and continue open until O'Clock in the
afternoon of the same day.
| Dated at Rock leland, this 18th day of February
1879. ,rDn
| 2-13du City Clerk.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
The g aiIg Arsas,
ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS
State Reoiater Read This


10 the Indiana legislature. the Demo
Gratis are trying to repeal the ubiquitous
legislative apportionments, and redistrict
the state. The Republicans fought them
inch by inch, aud would have defeated
them, but the greenbackers, as they did in
the senatorial election, came nobly to the
rescue and carried the measure. The In
dianapolis telegraphic correspondent of the
COeafeT-Journdl gives thrilling and en-
thusiastic account of the struggle. and
says "all of the national members voted
with the democrat" except two, who we're
not present. We call the especial atten-
ton of John NJ. Palmer and the Rock Is
land argus to these facts. They are sig
ni6cant.-PeoriG Democrat.
Well we have read it. and now, what of
ltH 1t appears that the nationals of
Indiana are willing to join with the demo
craes in redistricting the state, but that
fact does not initiate against or disprove
the fact that the national organization in
Illinois Is controlled at the headquarters of
the republican state central committee,
nor that the national party elected Smith
and Slade. the republican candidates Tor
state officers, last fall. nor that it gave the
republicans the control of the legislature.
nor that the pretense of the national men.
bers of the legislature prevented bolt
from the nomination of John A. Logan.
The Peoria Democrat is excessively anx-
ious to make a coalition with the nationals
of this state, and we don't see why it does
not proceed to set up its game instead Of
scolding at those who doubt the possibility
of so doing.-Stdte Register
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17

,.rv Of the age Of thirty or forty years
There are man with too frequent excavations o.
who troubled on SSeeecompanied by slight smart
' 5 3 RI 81 i Sn s.RRai ace sss
I'm In manner thai ~ .u vrinary deposits, ropy
sdmen viii often DC lGup appear, or the color will
particles OF slpu ruiltisb hue, again changing to
5,,s and torpid pPSms.nifv ignorant OF the cause
vBo die Ct tins o.iI' stage Of seminal weakness
va1 j. the , sySV Guarantee perfect cure in al
D' McAes og g.I healthy restoration OF the genito-
gansry organs.
arrrcr UoURs-s to /, Alto g, I to B.
,c promptly answered and md G s6a DPSeG
a. corddcntiaL Address LOCK Don ~o'' D''
MORT Iowa. ----
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17

1uDGE NOT

-,.,.e with travelling quacks, out con
o., mast e1Perlen,Ioe ested Physician, the cele-
W suit '"' brated Specialist
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17

II WOULD sCoRN AND CONDEMN MY
RIGHTEOUS TITLE IF THE DEMOCRATIC
PARTY HAD SECURED MY SEAT BY
FRAUD. "-PreSident Samuel j. TSlden.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
Horrible TO Think of.
ASTOUNDING DISCLOSURES AND IMPoR
TANT INFORMATION"

TANT INFORMATION.
The attention Of the people Of this city
and country is specially called to the num-
Of deaths reported 10 the papers from that
dreadful disease, CONSUMPTION. In fact,
this disease is reported to be constantly
increasing, as can be seen by examining
the mortality list, and all caused by not
breaking up a slight cough or cold as soon
as it appears. which can be easily done by
using HALEs' HONEY OF FOREGROUND AND
TAR, an article which was discovered by
the late DR.. Hale,a celebrated physician Of
Europe, and used in his private practice
for many years with great success. The
present proprietor, believing this market
required just such an article, has purchas-
ed the same at a large outlay, and Is now
preparing it according to the original re
cipe. And those who have used the artic
lie (who are thousands) consider it a certain
cure for all Coughs. Colds, Horseuess, DIFF
fcult Breathing, and all affections of the
Throat, Bronchial Tubes and Lungs lead
ing to Consumption. Sold by all druggists
Great saving by purchasing large size.
Pixies TooTHCHE Drops cure in ont
minute.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17

Il DEEM IT MY DUTY TO TELL THE
WoRLD'what DIR. Saoayne's Compound
Syrup of Wild Cherry, has done for me.
had a violent cough, night sweats,
sore throat great weakness, with severe
attacks of hemorrhage; gave up all
hope of recovery. | am now cured, a
sound and hearty man. Edward II.
Hanson, engineer atSweeny's pottery,
1884 Ridge avenue, Philadelphia. Over
twenty-five years have elapsed, and |
still remain a healthy man. In order
that all may test the great virtues OF
DIR. Swayne's COMPOUND Syrup OF
Wild Cherry we have issued trial bot
ties at rs cents. No family should be
without this valuable medicine, as
oftentimes a single Is cent bottle will
cure a recent cough or cold, and thus
prevent much suffering and risk. Il
also cures asthma. bronchitis, liver
complaint, and enriches aud purities
the blood, giving tone and strength tt
the entire system. Trial bottles ?;
cents; large size, 81. Sold at wholesale
and retail by John Bcngston, Rock Is
Hand
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
NORTTAWEST.

Trains leave Rock Island follows: Day Ex
Milwaukee 6:15 p NJ; Night Express at 10 80 p m,
m, connecting at Fulton with Chicago d North
western Railroad for Morrison, Sterling and Dixon
At FreepOrt with Illinois Central Railroad for Du
with the Madison Division of the Chicago a North
western Railway for Madison At Clinton juno
ton with the Western Division of the Chicago &
Northwestern Railway for GAINESVILLE, Oshkosh and
Green Bay At Western Union Junction with the
Chicago, Milwaukee 81 st. Paul Railway for Chi
cago and all eastern points. At Milwaukee with
the Chicago, Milwaukee h st. Paul Railway for
Waukesha, Janesville, Madison, WatertoWn, Por
oils and st. Paul. Also with the Wisconsin Central
Railroad for Plymouth, Green Bay, MenAshA, Ste
vens Point and Ashland, And with the Milwaukee
Lake Shore q Western Railroad for Sheboygan
Manitowoc, New L ndon and ClIntonville.
West bound trains leave Milwaukee ct 7:15 a m
and 6:15 p m, making close connections Tor al
points in the West and Southwest.
This is the only line running through
Day Coaches and Sleeping Cars between
Milwaukee and Rock Island.
Be sure that your tickets read via Western Uniol
Railroad.
Tickets on sale at all principal ticket Offices.
For information regarding rates, routes, ETC., ad
| dress
| Genl Supt., Gen'l Ticket ACT,
Racine, Wisconsin.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
Indigestion.

The main cause of nervousness is indi-
gestion, and that is caused by weakness of
the stomach. No one can have sound
nerves and good health without using Hop
Bitters to strengthen the stomach, purify
the blood, and to keep the liver and kid
neys active, to carry off all the poisonous
and waste matter of the system, See 9TH
er column.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17
Young Men

,.om thu effects OF youthful fol-
u,s,ae suaerlhs ns sbould avail themselves OF
.,. the greatest OgU" McAhee will guarantee to
ewing humanity "a Dollars for every case OF semi
Srirt one HunG'y n1iyate disease Of any kind or
nal weakness OF ,i undertakes and fails to cure.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-02-17

,spenty locaveu be has been for eight years.
PPgaRT IOWA, ueorScticed medicine twenty years,
PyySSs Doctor has PSDate of British and American
w w regular gIsnstment is invari BILE attend ed
Ir.tuto9s. ,HabiIsbed success. Persons coming
VIZ e; ~ 1'' .esae Si isfpT snd
sv5 rehensye ANTS In this department
oFgNALE Cohn1 actor is prepared to treat in the
medicine me manner. He earnestly solicits the
IS ri. 4. t eli PS' s!s :' &c
SUI confident tuaS 40 not delay, as complaint
needy relief ,,a no. today may become incurable in
VIZ me-
The Plymouth Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1878-1901, 1879-08-07
Moral Courage.

A great deal OF talent lie lost in The
world for the want Of little courage
Every day sends TO tho grave a INA
Der OF obscure men, who have only
remained IN obscurity because their
timidity has prevented them from
making a Arst effort. and who, II they
could have been induced to begin,
would. IN all probability. have gone
great lengths IN fame The fact is.
10 do anything fn this world worth
doing, we must not stand back SILVER
tGg aud thinking OF the cold and the
danger. but jump in and scramble
through as we'll as we can. II will
not do to be perpetually calculating
tasks and adjusting nice chances; it
did very we'll before the food, where
a man could consult his friends upon
an intended publication for hundred
and atty years, and then live to see
its success afterward. But, at pres
ent, a man waits, and doubts. and
hesitates, and consuits his brother,
and his uncle. and his particular
friend, till. one fine day, he ends he
is 60 years or age; that be has lost So
much time in consulting his first
cousin and particular friend that be
has No more time to follow their adj
wee.
The Plymouth Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1878-1901, 1879-08-07
The Political Ouflook

The next presidential campaign
VIII have one Important feature-it
AZ Will virtually express the peoples
verdict upon the questions at Issue
between the leading political parties.
For behind our government, behind
our politicians, b. hiud all the legis
lative machinery, rings. and petty
partisan organizations, is the real
ruler and director Of government
the sovereign people. Every Off
cial will be brought before the inqui
sition OF the peoples tribunal, aud all
proved unworthy will be ignomin
ioasly sent home to tend their farms
and their own business. The people
will endorse nothing whatever, be il
president or pill, that has not
proved tseif "a genuine article. That
the American people have so long ac-
knowledged. by both word and pat
ronage, the genuineness and value OF
DIR. Pierce's Family Remedies, il
proof conclusive that their use fully
lustiiles their discoveries claims fol
them. No other proprietary medi.
cines sell so largely. The Golden
Medical Discovery is sovereign
remedy for all scrofulous, blood. arc
skin diseases. 1t has pretty thorough.
ly superseded the old time sarsapar.
lila. The FayoIite Prescrgtien has
no equal as a remedy for those
chronic weaknesses and painful affec
tons peculiar TO women. Pleasant
Purgative Pellets, sugar coated AM
scarcely larger than mustard seeds
are now the popular laxative and ca
/, tiartic. Sold by druggists,
The Plymouth Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1878-1901, 1879-08-07
An UngrafeflIl Dog.

twashih. 'on Cor. of the Chicago Times
President Hayes related an amusing
personal experience toa group OF WIS.,
itors the other evening. Seated up
on sofa In his usual audience room,
where the sessions OF the cabinet are
held, Mr.. Hayes chatted about the
usual daily routine OF receiving
callers.
Said be: Il have made certain In
flexible rules about visitors. and by
adhering to them | manage to satisfy
everybody so far as seeing them Is
concerned. First come privilege call
ers i'm their usual order. Then when
the time comes that is set aside for
non official visitors / then for time
admit those whose business or local
prominence entities them to special
consideration. IneveI turn anybody
away without admission, for when the
last ten minutes OF time Is at hand L
have the door opened and all are ad-
mitted atonce. Some very funny
scenes occur during the general rush,
for al best there is only chance for q
shake or the hand with each
Are you not bothered very much
with crazy yisitors?"
Yes, that was what was going to
mention. Yesterday, when / had ad-
miited all the general callers outside,
! / was particularly struck by the Woe
begone, haggard look OF young man
dressed like mechanic, VINO instead
of passing out when admitted with
the rest, came back TO me after all the
other callers had passed out. and
bursting into flood Of tears, begged
me for the love of God to do some
thing for him in the way OF giving
him work to do. Ho told me he had
a wife and two babies who were
starving. Well. you know how many
appeals OF this sort have to hear
every day. But this man made more
than an ordinary impression upon
me. put my hand into my pocket
and gave him every cent had about
me, 81. He thanked me and passed
out"
"But that was not the end Of that?'
4
"Oh, mol Upon the next day l re-
ceiyed letter Of the most virulen
abuse that ever reached me. 1t be-
gan calling me fraud,and outrage.
Gus thief. man who had stolen the
presidency; that the writer knew al
the facts in the conspiracy, and tha
he would certainly expose me to the
world. You tiled to buy me of will
a. but l will show you that l an
not to be bought with any price.
am going upon the stump this fall
and 1 intend TO expose your fraut
and thievery in every town in thl'
land This was all the gratitude
ever received for my would-be kind
ness.
The Plymouth Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1878-1901, 1879-08-07
A STORY OF BEAU HICKMAN.
A Characteristic Incident la the Life OF
the Distinguished L0afer.
New York Herald

II is related OF the famous Beau
Hickman that in his best days he
once went TO TO "a first class hotel In
Baltimore, and after registering his
name said he wanted the very best
the house could afford for his money,
twirling in his hand at the same time,
quarter Of a dollar. The clerk saw
before him an elegantly atiired gen
tleman. and, as Beau requested, as
signed him a handsome parlor bed.
room. Beau lived like 4 fighting
cock, ordered wines, extra dinners
and everyth thing palatable for a week,
at the ehd OF which time the bill was
sent. The amount was something
extravagant.
Nothing abashed. however, he
strolled into the Office and confronted
the clerk. Look here, sir. there
must be some mistake about this; ;
when came here told you 1 wan;cd
the best you could afford for my
moneys worth. had this quarter
then producing the coin). and it's all
I've had since" The clerk waxed
angry and high words followed.
"Your fault. sir. your fault" said the
imperturbable Beau, mot nine. You
can kick nae out il you like, but I'd
rather go alone" Tradition says they
were about to proceed to violent
measures when the landlord appeared
on the scene, and, looking at the
name on the register. recalled the pc
culiar vagrant character Of the man
before him Chen just becoming no
toriods in Washington, and discov-
cred that he had been "egregiously
Sold" Tire thought flashed across
his mind. IF this Joke gets out
shall be the laughing stock OF my
friends, and never hear the last OF it.
Deliberating moment he turned 10
Beau and good nareredly remarked
well. Hickman. that's the best ever
had, eat | can't keepit. I'll make a
1 bargain with you. Here, take this
Eve dollar bin to pay your fare to
Washington. (Beau quietly pocketed
the half eagleD and now so over To
the ---- House, stay a week on
the same terms that you stayed here
aud I'll give you dinner every time
you come 10 Baltimore" thank
you," replied Beas, without cracking
q smile, 1--WE teen over there for two
weeks and they sent me here!"
The Plymouth Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1878-1901, 1879-08-07
PAY as You Go.
TShelbyyillc Democrat |


The hom,ly and familiar maxim
PAY as you CO." embodies woll OF
wisdom worth all the lay sermons and
fine language in the world. Ii should
be engraven on the miads OF all aud
never forgotten. Pay for your wine
before you drink 1t. pay for your lux
uries before yon buy them. pay for
your fine clothes before you wear
them MY son." said shrrwd phi
losupher who had mastered the tru h
and importance Of advice; any son
pay as you CO." Blu: father" said
the hopeful, Il cant pay, as / have
nothing to pay with" "Then don't
go!" emphatically returned the phi
losopher.