The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-02-13
WIT AND HUM0R.

VIII never leave Florida. ~
GOOD scenter-pieces for the dinner
table-A bowl of flowers. wa e..
A LUMBER dealer failed last week
could not pay his board bills.
WHICH is the best of the four seasons
for arithmetic? The summer. ....
A PAIR OF ears that go on a head of
| Observation-Disclosures and frontiers.
The scarcity of stovepipe Jokes this
season suggests that the ''times are out of
joint"
PEOPLE that are invariably known by
the company they keep-Theatrical
managers.
- WHEN young lady wants to appear
in a blaze of glory she INDUCES in a lit
tie torchon lace. .s t.. .....,
THERE'S one ancholy fact about a
| calendar; there's no time when it's days
are not numbered. .t.s Hr
If you can't keep your resolutions,
don't break 'em, but give 'em to some
poor fellow who hasn't any.
SHE sang soprano sweetly-
~. lew Her voice was like Tyre;
But on Sunday she ate onions,
| e. And thus busted up the choir.
TURKEY is much behind the age. It's
Pashas are set of moss. backs-in fact.
the country s decayed and mosque
| covered. as-
| WHEN it is SAID of one who "pays as
he goes " that he is "a man of no ac-
count" there is just the slightest sus-
picion of paradox.
| HAVE you ever observed how mad it
makes man with sore throat because
he can't swallow about $50 times every
four or five minutes?
WE saw young man with two heads
On his shoulders the other day, but
didn't consider it much of a curiosity
one belonged to his girl.
II AM inclined to believe" said fop
to a lady who had refused to sing, "you
are fishing for compliments" ooh, no"
replied she, Il never fish III so shallow
| a stream"
/ DISTINGUISHED divine to recent con-
vert: ave propose to baptize you by
| the Turkish-bath method. It is really
the only means to scrub your years of
sin out of you"
| A NOTICE in Western newspaper of
a steamboat explosion ends as follows:
"The Captain swan ashore. So did the
chambermaid; she was insured for 49,,
| 600 and loaded with iron"
A SCOTCH lady had invited gentle
man to dinner on a particular day, and
he had accepted, with the reservation,
eff I'm spared" "Weel, weel," said the
lady, IF ye're dead I'll not expect ye"
WE cannot indorse the Communistic
faction who want to destroy all labor
saving machinery until we know their
views about artificial teeth. We must
draw the line somewhere.-.Stdmfor
AdUocGte.
"SEE here" said an eccentric old man
to an office boy who had brought doc
tors bill to him. "See here; tell your
master that I'll pay him for the items
of medicine charged in this bill, but, as
for the visits, why-Iu return theml"
He was sitting by the fire,
With Marier;
And toward her every moment he
'ft. Drew higher.
Till her chair did interpose,
When he kissed her on the nose
They'll be married when this sloppy
Weather's dryer.
--lFe,o York Eapress
A CLERGYMAN speaking at funeral
bewailed the loss of many great men,
such for instance, as the deceased in the
coffin before him, and said that none
like them were left to us. A strong
voiced old Methodist sister startled
both speaker and audience by exclaim
ing, Bless God, that's a lie!"
BOYS" said the man holding an
inverted match in one hand, and a dark
cigar in the other, "never acquire the
pernicious habit of smoking. / am a
slave to it now, yet hate it. I never
see a cigar that do not want to burn
it up" And then, with extreme salts
faction, he burned up the one he had in
his hand.
A MAN saw ghost while walking
along lonely highway at midnight.
The ghost stood exactly in the middle
of the road, and the wayfarer, deciding
to investigate, poked at it with his um-
brella. The next instant he was knocked
twenty feet into a mud-hele Moral:
Never poke at large white mule when
it's back is turned.
IF there is any one thing more than
another that convinces man of the
progress of education in our common
schools, and the sound practical instruc-
ton communicated to the rising gener-
alton, it is to have his daughter bring
him problem omething like this: If
s oxen consun 123 times the amount
of food in days required by 1-6 of the
square root of Is sheep at cost of
29.78 cents, how many oxen will be re-
quired to consume the same amount re-
quired by ] of the cube root of an equal
number of sheep in 40 days time at a
cost If 416 of that amount; and tri-
umphantly point to the answer at the
foot of whole slateful of figures as
being 32,187, 1863 oxen.-Bostoas COM
naercidl Bulletin.