Connecticut western news., 1879-12-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

Virtue is the safest helmet, the most secure defence.
 When the moon gets full it keeps late hours,
 How to acquire shorthand Fool around buzz-saw.
 -Bsware.of him who hates the laugh of child, or children.
 "A Whitehall dance hater, so says the Times, says waltzers belong to tue wicked whirlwind.
 Tight boots and an accusing con science are about equal in their ability to make man uncomfortable.
 The Chicago Tribune has discovered that petrlfed body indicatas that the man is stone dead. .'-
 A Nevada ball reporter says: "Miss - was full of eclat; the eclas- est lady present" Another leap year is bearing merci- lessly down on the lone and helpless male population. Tt isn't pleasant for man to be considered by his wife's relations as one who can be depended on.
 The word right is never promo lnced wrong, and the wrong is never pro nounced right. -. Somebody asked a minister if there had been an awakening n his Ohurch. "No, sir'ee," was his reply; "there has been no sleeping in my church"
 Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.-ChGrles Dickens.
 Tt hurts man just about as much to burn him in eff yy as it does to have his shadow on stona wall butted by goat.
 | A sailor is not sailor when he is board sailor is not sailor when he is ashore 1; but he must bc either ashore or aboard therefore sailor is not sailor.
 -"One kind of ship always stee' clear of," said au old bachelor sea-cap. tain, "and that's courtship, cause on that ship there's often no mates and two cap'ns."
 A sentimental young man thus feel ingly expresses himself |" Even rs nature benevolently guards the rose with thorns 80 does she endow women with pins.'
 Proctor believes this world to be 500, ,OOO, ,0OO years old, but none of us care to go back farther than the days when watermelons tasted as they never did efore.-Detroit Free Press.
 A man may be poor scholar when he has everything iu his head and noth- ing in his purse, and he may be equally poor scholar when he has nothing in his head and everything in his purse.
 It is not so much the quantity that tells as the quality. The devil has as much brains as an arch-angel, but he doesn't look at things in the same way, and that's why he is where he IS.
 A Boston paper says: A butterfly was caught at the South Eud yesterday. It may be safe enough to catch a bitterly at the south end, but when you go to grasp a wasp, you want to catch 1t at the north end.
 There is something soft and tender in the fall of a single snowflake, but when it comes to crawling out in the morning and shoveling away big drift, it's onery, mean and disgusting.
 Women are naturally suspicious. You may have got long hair on your ; shoulder from holding @ six-year-old girl, but your mother-in-law will back your wife in doubting the statement every time.
 He who travels with his eyes open cannot fail to see that others, as we'll as himself, have their discomforts and drawbacks, and he will thus be all the more disposed to meet his own with brave spirit.
 A certain English General being on the point of death, opened his eyes, and seeing a consultation of four phy s1clans, } who were standing close by his bedside, ) faintly exclaimed '" Gentlemen, If you fire by platoons it's all over with me Y and instantly expired. A man is just as much afraid of the thing in which he does not believe as he is of those in which he does believe.
 No one believes in ghosts, and yet every one who goes through dark room !, alone firmly expects one to cstch him and carry him off. A "faux pas. "-Unmusical stranger . (to lady next him) Well, the piano wasn't bad, if the old chap opposite
 hadn't spoilt it with that grooming in
 strument." Lady y-"I'm sorry you :, think it spoilt-papa is considered to be Q so good on the violoncello. @ The Norristown Herald regards n approvinely the maintenance of the old @ custom of firing an old slipper after 2 n bride, but holds the practice of Ringing k after would-be son-in-law heavy F. boot containing the foet of girls
 father as despicable,