The Portland daily press., 1879-04-05
THE PRESS.
lBlackwood's Magazine.l
Picking up the Pieces.
A COMEDY.

ssaz Nth sheet. Mrs. Melton is widow
EEL and no longer yoang. Lord Da,olish,
sssa ,oho comes to call, has also forgotten his
youth.
hope-Holloa! There is nobody here.
What is all this about?
(After some consideration he proceeds to
Investigate the extraordinary erection ,oith
the point of his stick. after CONVINCING
himself Of its nature he lifts aside the sheet,
pulls out an easy chair, inspects it, and
finally sits on IT,
She is an extraordinary woman. I don't
know why / like her. don't know why she
likes me. Isuppose that she does like me.
II not, what a bore 1 must be! come here
every day-and stay. suspect that I am
an awful fellow to stay. suppose l ought
to 60 now. This furniture trophy don't look
like being at home to callers. But perhaps
she Is out and then can go on sitting here.
must sit somewhere. May smoke? dare
say; thank ye, will. Smoke Smoke. There
Is proverb about smoke. wonder how 1
came to know so many proverbs. l don't
know much. ''There is no smoke without
fire." Yes, that's it. There is uncommon
smoke. Yes, that's like this-I mean-Let
me-what dye call it?-reyiew my position.
Here sit. Here sit every day. That is
smoke suppose-plenty of smoke. Is there
any fire? That is the question. I wish people
would mind their own business. 1t is trouble
enough to mind ones own business, should
think. But yet there are people there's
that Fiitterly, for instance, little snob.
Flitterly makes il the business OF his life to go
about saying that am going to be married ;
and all because here is woman who is not
such an intolerable bore as -as other people.
Flitterly is the sort of man who says that
there is no smoke without fire. What is
this? That is what want to know. Is
this business of mine all smoke, all cigarette
and soda, or-confound Fiitterly! l wonder
If ought to pull his nose. am afraid that
that sort OF thing is out of date. / don't
thi"k could pull nose, unless somebody
showed me how. Perhaps if somebody held
HIM steady, might. don't think l could
do it. He has got such ridiculous little
nose. wonder ii ought 10 give up coming
here. Idon't know where should go to. 1
wonder If am bound in honor, and all that.
Perhaps that is out of date too. some
times think am out of date myself (Af
ter this he fishes under the sheet acith his
book, ,ohich he studies as he continues to
mediate.
wonder il she would take me if 1 asked
herp don't believe she would; she is a
most extraordinary woman. Who is this, 1
wonder? l never saw this book before. /
suppose this is the sort of man women ad-
mire. He WOULD know how to pull nose.
dare say he has pulled lots OF noses in his
day. Does it for exercise. Suburban cad. A
kind OF little footing lady-killer. / wonder
she puts such fellow in her book. Why,
here he is again, twice as big and fercer.
Here is another aud another. Hang him,
he is all over the book.
He pitches the book under the sheet.
Then Mrs. Melton comes in auedring a Iona
apron, and armed aciM daster and feather
brush.
Mrs. Melton. Lord Dawlsh! What are
you doing here?
D. Nothing.
Mrs. NJ. How well you do it'll
d. Thank you.
Mrs. M. But you are doing something ;
you are smoking.
D. Am I? beg your pardon.
Mrs. M. And you shall do more; YOU
shall help me. have been up to my eyes in
work since seven o'clock.
D. Sevenl Why don't you make some
body else do it?
Mrs. M. Because I do it so we'll. have
a genius for busting, and Italian servants
have not. In this cold city they have an I'M
feigned respect for the dust of ages.
d. Have they? How funny! but they
might help you, should think. Where are
they? There was nobody to let me in.
Where are your servants?
Mrs. M. Gone.
D. Gonel
Mrs. M. Gone and lett me free. packed
them of-man and maid, bag and baggage,
d. But who will look after you?
Mrs. M. l. | am fully equal to the task.
But come be useful. You shall help me re-
arrange the furniture.
D. Hepl /!
Mrs. M. Yes, help! You! 1 am not
quite sure that you can't.
CAS- he proceeds to brush the back of O.
chair Nth a teather-brush, 1t occurs to him
to apologize for his intrusi0n.)
D. suppose ought to apologize for COM
ing so early. Somehow / found myself in
the Palazzo-and the door of your apart
ments was open, and SO came in. ! took
the liberty of an old friend.
Mrs. M. / believe we have been ac-
quainted for at least month.
D. Only month"; 1t is not possible. 1t
must be more than a month.
Mrs. M. Apparently our precious friend
ship has not made the time pass quickly.
d. No. mean that it neve. does pass
quickly.
Mrs. M. Work, work, work! It's work
that makes the day go quick. I am busy
from morning till night, and time flies with
nae.
d. Then you shorten your life.
Mrs. M. And keep it bright. Better one
hour OF life than century ofexistence Dear,
dear how did my best photograph-book get
knocked down here?
d. am afraid that was my awkward
ness. was looking at it, and tit went
down there.
Mrs. M. Don't let it break FROM you
again. Here, take it, ard sit down and be
good. You have no genius for busting.
ID. Nobody ever called me a genius. I
have been called all sorts of names; but no.
body ever went so far as to call me genius.
Mrs. M. Ard yet you amt stupid. 1 al
ways maintain that you are not really stupid.
ID. Amt I? thank you. Who is this man
this fine looking man with the frown and
whiskers?
Mrs. M. He is handsome, isn't he?
ID. don't know. am not a judge of
male beauty.
Mrs. M. Men never admire each other.
They are too envious and too vain.
d. Are they? And women? What are
women?
Mrs M. What are womenP What are
they not? Oh for one word to comprehend
the sex! Women are-yes women are
d. That sounds true. Aud women are
effeminate.
Mrs. NJ Only females are effeminate.
Doh! wonder what that means.
D. But John is handsome. Ask any
woman.
D. John!
Mrs. M. Yes, that's Johnny cousin.
D. I hate cousins. They are so familiar
and so personal.
Mrs. M. I like them ;ithey are $3.50
d. Cousinly.
Mrs. M. Precisely.
d. Cousins are cousinly. Does he dye
his whiskers?
Mrs. M. Dye! Never! He has too much
to do. John is great mana man of will,
of force, man of iron. That's what call a
man.
D. Do you? don't call an iron man, a
man.
Mrs. NJ. He is the first of American enei-
neers.
D. A Yankee stoker.
Mrs. M. Dear John! He is good fellow.
he gave me that little jar by your hand.
D. Dear John is not judge of china.
always hated that little jar. shall break it
some day.
Mrs. N. Ifyou do. I'll never speak to you
again.
D. Please do. Tell me some more about