Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1879-11-08
COULDN'T READ A NEWSPAPER
IChicaeo Inter- Ocean. ]

tCnlca3O 1nter-Oce3n.J
EYES," said my Uncle Daniel, "the young
man Is smart guess there's no mistake about
that; he's smart enough. jedging from that ex-
hibition piece Of his, but / tell you, my boy,
these schools don't eddicate as they Orter do
Now I'll venture that with all his smartneSS that
young feller can't read newspaper"
l laughed outright. 1t was that kind OF
laugh which said, as plainly as words could
speak it, my dear, old uncle, what simpleton
you are"
But the venerable man repeated his declara-
tons, and even offered to sustain his opinion
with wager. This rejected, but was really
curious to know on what grounds my uncle based
his ~ opinion Of my who had a. f h DAY
and seemed to me, who was Of the next class be-
low him, a model OF all a normal school graduate
should be; 50 urged my uncle to explain IN He He
and. looking straight into my eyes, exclaimed:
No, my boy, that friend of yourn is smart
young man, but III wager he cant rea ,i ns.,s-
This was bringing the charge Of ignorance
home in way that while it provoked loud
ling to my my Cheeks and priekiing as if it We're
ready to bubble out Of every pore. leaped to
my feet, and, catching the paper from his lap,
challenged him to point out anything in 1t that
keep cool, Johnny" said my uncle, "keep
COOL and you shall have your examination. Not
but one Of nv KnG You ever
sort OF examination such as go through six
times week; and If you can pass it, I'll own
I've mlS1eQgGQ UQe ScuOOl anu exam
liners, and you'll be the richer by a suit of
clOtheS.'
He was so cool and so positive, that 1 began
When he told me to begin found that had the
newspaper upside down. l soon righted that
and was about to read the news from Washing
ton, when he very calmly said; You needn't ne,
necessary; just begin there" And he laid his
finger on an item in the marine news saying:
!" Read and explain that"
FIR Hir 7
Cages 22d Gonaives 25th, st. Marc 9th, Port au
Prince goth, and Kingston, JAM, July 4, to PIN,
Farwood & Co.
instantly my lips parted, with all the assur-
ance of full self-contdence, to pronounce the
first word; but there, like a surly sentinel de
handing the cOunterSign stood an unfamiliar
my mouth still wider "a friend told me after
wards) as 1 stared at 1t and then at the whole
line after it. 1t was all meaningless to me.
names, dates, signify? True, l had seen such a
column In the newspaper often before, and once
OR twice had fingered over it, and partially
bothered by the authorizations, had dismissed
it with the thought that, when convenient,
would ask some importer to explain it. And so
the meantime, although suppose the marine
column was always there, day after day. for
years. had taken up the paper, read and laid it
OF daily news. Now, I was set face to face
with it, and was speeches. covered with hum1l-
1atiOn ard confusion.
While was Illuminating, the smiles of the by
ISLANDERS began to ripple into laughter, and 1
Looked up with sense OF modification not I'M
mingled with disgust for myself and the crowd,
just as my uncle calculated: "Why don't you
read?"
Seeing that did not begin he turned the pa
per over, and, with tone of most provoking
mock sympathy, said: swell, if that is too
His finger was on the column headed % Real
Estate" and this was the item:
The und 4 pit OF e 4 OF S e 4 of frac sec 4, 3S.
al s5d % aug T. '0hn sml'h 70 VIM Alien ct
Again was dumbfounded. I could read a
part OF it, but render all the Authorizations and
ill up all the ellipSeS correctly could not.
l was ready to confess my ignorance and retire
from the examination, when, before had found
my tongue, my uncle had his dexter fore digit
on the financial column " at the following quo
tation:
az. S. e,s coup 1881, 20, ooo b 1901 U. s.
500 coup. 81, 10000 b 1889"
By this time was as red as steamed lobster
and was dripping with perSpiration-while to
make matters worse, the loOkers-on, reinforced
by some half-dozen others who had dropped In
during the examination, unable to restrain
themselves any longer, laughed vociferously;
laughed until my head whirled and seemed to
be afioat on sea of laughter.
1t was plain that my uncle Daniel was de-
nvered from ali hazard of having to fit me out
with new suit OF clothes. for at least one nor
NAL school junior could not read a newspaper
which could be SO easily learned and which is
deemed so important to the business world as
to find space In every morning paper
without which a metropolitan paper would
cease to exist-I became an eager pupil of my
Uncle Dan, whose knowledge Of English gram
mar was sadly deficient, but whose business
knowledge was quite complete. And l
did not fail to take my daily lesson until l
had learned to read, and could pass the most
rigid examination he could subject me to. He
had tested me by what, it seems he intended as
the final ordeal, covering every column of the
business pages of the great city daily, and that
night-n lieu of diploma, suppose pack
age came to me with the mark of wellknown
merchant tailor on the wrapper. At first told
dered no goods; he had come to the wrong
street or the wrong number; to take the bundle
back and get new directions. He was positive
there was no mistake, and just then the truth
flashed across my mind: it was the suit Of
clothes.