The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1879-09-12
Col. Clabby Visits the Circus.

Col. Andrew Jackson Clabby conclud-
ed to take his seven little Clabbys to the
circus yesterday, so he had them array
ell in their best frOcks and along about
O'Clock the Colonel and his progeny
started for the show. The COlonel's
children range from IL years of age
down, tapering gradually from four and
a half feet down to two and a half feet
in height. They made very pretty
sight as they tOddled along, and the
dOOrkeeper at the circus tent naturally
mistoOk Colonel Clabby and his progeny
for a superintendent and his Sunday
school as they filed into the tent. Once
on the inside the Colonel counted them
to see if they were all there, and finding
their number complete, he made them
join hands and follow him around and
look at the animals. just then the
steam calliope broke loose and three of
the smaller Clabbys sat down on the
sawdust and commenced to cry. 1t took
ten minutes of argument and glass of
lemonade apiece to screw their courage
up to the proper point, and by that time
the sweat rolled down Colonel Clabby's
back in rivulets. The next episode oc-
cured at the aviary, where i'm an at
tempt to pull feather out of cocka-
tOO's tail young Ben Finney Clabby
happened to get his finger into
the cOckatOO's mouth. There was
some trouble in consequence, and
the cOckatOO's head had to be screwed
around with 4 mOnkey-wrench before
the baleful bird could be induced to give
young Master Clabby quit claim on
his digit. Then they went around to
see the elephants, and the children were
delighted, and Colonel Clabby felt much
more composed till all of sudden one
of the coarse, unfeeling creatures reach
ell out his long, skinny, black nose, ind
gathered up little Charles Cady Clabby,
and made Il motion to put him where
he had but few moments previously
deposited a bag of peanuts, two green
apples and several watermelon rinds.
Colonel Clabby made a hasty dive and
caught little Charles by one leg and pre-
vented the brutal monster from accom-
plishing his demoniacal purpose until a
man rushed up with apitchfork and pre-
vailed upon the blOOd-thirsty elephant
to desist. BY this time the performance
in the circus had begun, and Colonel
Clabby hustled the children into the
amphitheater and up on to the high
seats where he counted them again, and
again found their number complete. The
thermometer couldn't have been more
than about 14O above zero in the lOcali-
ty where the Clabby bevy sat, and in Il
moment of anguish the COlOnel's paper
collar burst, and while the Colonel was
tying his handkerchief about his neck to
cover his nakedness, little Andy Clabby,
Jr. rolled off the seat and alighted on the
clumps of sod and sawdust below. OF
course he lifted up his voice and wept
sore. 1t was in attempting to reach
down and recover his pet offspring that
the Colonel experienced sensation that
told him more plainly than words that
one of his suspender buttons had given
way. He thought his cup of sorrow
pretty nigh run over, bu the end had
not vet come. He had no sooner fished
young Andy out of the Sod and sawdust
than he discovered that while he had
been occupied his oldest son, John Finn
Clabby, had strayed down into the cir
Gus ring for the Ostensible purpose Of
riding the trick mule. Before the Colonel
could enter his protest, the trick mule,
with the grim humOr so peculiar to his
kind, had thrown the ambitious Master
John Finn Clabby about thirteen feet
into the air and kicked him in the pit Of
the stomach as he came down at the rate
of 200 miles an hour. This was, in met
aphOrical parlance, the straw that broke
the camel's back. Colonel Clabby could
stand the pressure no longer. Hitching
his seven children together with a long
rope, just as they do travellers on the
he started out of the tent
with them. They got entangled around
several tent poles on their way out, but
finally issued into open air, and Colonel
Clabby felt greatly relieved. When the
next circus comes this way he will intro
duce his family to it by sections, or else
let out the entire job lot.tO the lowest
responsible bidder.-S. Louis Times