Daily Los Angeles herald., 1879-11-26

war were sounding in your ears,
you set your faces towards the bat
teries and advanced with steady
tread, but when he turned on the
terrors OF his war-whoop [laughter]
you advanced in the other direc-
tion, and mighty glad of the
chance, too. Renewed laughter.
When he called for soothing syrup,
did yov venture to throw out any
side remarks about certain services
being unbecoming an officer and a
gentleman? Boisterous laughter
No, you got up and you got 1t.
[Great laughterl When he orders
his "pap bottlep and it was not
warm, did you talk back? Laugh
ter. Not you Renewed laughter.
You went to work and warmed 1t.
TShouts. You even descended so
far in your mental Office as to take
suck at that warm, insipid stuff
laughter], just to see if it was
right, three parts of water to
one of milk [tumultuous laughter,
a touch of sugar to modify
the collie laughter and a drop of
peppermint to cure those immortal
hiccoughs. Roars.1 L can taste
that ttuff. Laughter.l And how
many things you learned as you
went along! Sentimental young
folks still take stock in that beau
tiful saying, that when the baby
smiles the angels are whispering to
him. Very pretty, but too thin;
simply wind on the stomach, my
friends. Roars.] If the baby pro-
posed to take walk at his usual
hour-two O'clock in the morning
[laughterl didn't you rise promptly
with the remark, with q mental
addition, which would not improve
a Sunday-school book much [laugh-
teri that that was the very thing
you were about to propose yourself.
[Great roars.] Oh, you wer un-
der good discipline [laughter], and
as you went patteriDg up and down
the room in undress uniform, you
not only prattled u .dignified baby
talk, but even tG led up your mar
tial voices and tiled to sing Crock
ably, baby, in the tree-top," for in
stance. LGreat laughter What
a spectacle for an y rny of the Ten
nessee! Laughter And what
an affliction for the neighbors, too;
for it is not everybody within u
mile around that likes military
music at three o'clock in the
morning. Laughter.] And when
you had been keeping this sort Of
thing up for two or three hours,
and your little velvet head inti-
mated that nothing suited him like
exercise and noise laughter-"Go
on"] what did you do? Why, you
simply went on until you dropped
in the last ditch. Laughter. The
idea that a baby don't amount to
anything! Why, the baby is just
q house and front-yard full, by
Itself. Laughter. One baby can
furnish more business than you
and your whole Interior Depart
ment can attend to. Laughter. !
He is enterprising, irrepressible,
full of lawless activities. Laugh
ter. Do what you please, you
can't make him keep on the reser-
walton. [Great shouts Sufficient
unto the day is one baby. AS long
as you are in your right mind, don't
pray for twins. Laughter. Mr..
Clemens is the father of twins
Twins amount to q permanent riot
laughter, and there amt any diff
ference between triplets and per-
petual insurrection. [UprOarious
al 4 Vac 10, sn,l, ~ fnp
toast TO the masses to recognize
the importance of the babies.
Laughter. Think what is
In store for the present crop
fifty years from now. We shall all
be dead, trust laughter], and
then this flag, if it still survive, and
let us hope it may, will be floating
over Republic numb bering
200,000,000 souls, according to the
settled laws of our increase. Our
present schooner of State will have
grown into a political leviathan-a
Great Eastern. The Graded babies
of to day will be on deck-let them
be well trained, for we are going to
leave big contract on their hands.
Laughter Among the 100000
or 100000 cradles now rocking in
the land are some which this ma
tion would preserve for ages as sa-
cred things, if we could know
which ones they are. In one of
these cradles the unconscious Far
ragut OF the future is at this mo-
ment teething. Laghter.1 Think
of it, and putting in word of dead
earnest, inarticulated, but perfectly
justifiable profanity over it, too.
Laughter In another the future
renowned astronomer is blinking
at the shining milky.way with but
liquid interest-poor little chap
and wondering what has become of
that other one they call the wet
nurse. Laughter.1 In another
the future great historian is lying
and doubtless will continue to lie
laughter until his earthly mission
is ended. In another the future
President is busying himself with
no profounder problem of State
than what the mischief has become
of his hair SO early Laughter;
and in q mighty array of other
cradles there are now some 0U,000
future office-seekers getting ready
to furnish him occasion to grapple
with the same old problem o sec
ond time. And still one more
cradle; somewhere under the flag
the future illustrious Commander
in.Chief of the American armies is
so little burdened with his ap-
preaching grandeurs and RESPONSE
bilities as to be giving his whole
strategic mind at this moment to
trying to find out some way to get
his big toe into his mouth [laugh-