The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1879-11-27
zEPH PARKER's sTRATEGEM.

4" Sleepy, baby-faced set o. peopleP
Air they! Baby-faced enough, you bet;
but L tell you, Stree, that l believe
they're 'beout born with all their eye
teeth cut in their celestial jaws; and
you've got to get up airly, sir, If you
want TO take in Chinee." 4"
The speaker was Il hard-faced, hollow
jawed gentleman, in glossy black suit,
which fitted him very badly, and the re-
mark was made in the smoking-room of
the {" Continental" =" There he was to be
seen daily, and was supposed to have
"given the speckylators fits in lies - in
other words, he was believed to have
made fortune in petroleum. At all
events he had plenty of money, and was
very generous in the spending of it.
The conversation had turned on the
veXed question, and he had struck into
the discussion.
81 eck'lect,' he said, g ther was
Zeph Parker, He was deep 'un, was
Zeph! He was long % me and few
more up to Nevada, JUS 'beout the time
of the silver craze. The boys had been
washing for gold; honest-hke, meow get
ting it out o. pockets, meow outer the
stream; and when they'd done with a
bit o. wash dirt, and gone off to another
claim, EAIr. Washee Washee Chinee
would come and 90 over the dirt after
them, and be satisfied with what he got.
Then comes the silver craze. All on us
goes off and loses all we'd make in
gold, gifts no silver, and comes back dis
appointed to try after the gold again.
Guess we might try and try again,
but no gold could we get; and all
'beout us was them smooth-faced, pig
tailed Cinnamon, gittin' on prosperous
and contented.
"'I tell yew,' said Zeph, L shall
90 and murder one o. them smilin'
teapots. l can't stand it much longerl ;
This here was in our bit of tent
where we was trying to make ourselves
happy, playin' poker on credit and
keepin' no account.
80 What forP' l sez.
"'What forP cried Zeph. Dow
you think that 1, an enlightened sitter
zen of free country, am gwine to set
down and be robbed o. my mess o. gold
en- pottage by pack o. smilin' washer
woman-faced opium smokin' celestial
Jacobs? No, Stree, this dogs gwine
TO bite
'''But / don't kinder see what this
dogs gwine to bite fur, l sez. Tea
pot amt done nuthin' t0you.'
90 Mateys,' sez Zeph, getting on the
barrel as had been his seat, things
has come to purity pass with us, hev-
en't they?'
"'Right, old hoss, sez some one,
hammerin' the chest lid as had been our
table
80 Haz any man here got any tobac-
COP sez Zeph.
"s MOI
''' Haz any man here got any old
Burbon whisllyP'
"'No!'
'Haz any man got any dustp'
"' MOI
"'Any flour, or pork, or boots, or new
blanketsP'
49, No, no, no, no!
"'Then them Chinese has, continued
Zeph; and what L sez is this-as it is q
sin and shame to let a pack of heath
enish cusses like them teapots, as never
goes to churches nor listens to par
sons
81 say, Zeph, sez some one, 'wher
did you 90 to meetin' lastP'
"'Never you mind sez Zeph, 'anC
don't interrupt man as wants to give
you suthin' to eat A set o. cusses, ]
sez, rs never goes to meetin', and
b'leves in nuthin' but joss-houses.
say, it's sin to let 'em be gittin' fat or
our land, while we're as thin and starv
ed-lookin' as-as-as-'
"'As ole Zeph Parker himself SCI
Tom Paggins.
"'Wal, ez thin ez I am, if you like,
sez Zeph.
"'This is all very purity 1 sez, bu
we can't 90 and take a claim from tn,
teapots, Zeph; nor we can't rush zen
and annex the dust and nuggets they'v
washed out
q No. said Zeph, winllin' one eye
but we kin strategise EN-
"'HowP' / sez. Don't kinder see it
They're too deep to be done
"'Yahl' sez Zeph, they're bout e
deep ez a two-cent plate. Give me tn
means and I'll sell this lot and put
good pocketful o. dollars or dust in ever
mans pocket-six on us
"'But what means dyer want!' 1 SCI
"'One handful o. dust, sez Zeph.
"'And where are we to get it?' sc
Tom Paggins.
E''' This how says Zeph 'Morro'
mornin', every man hyar's got to Q
round the camp and cadge. Tell til
boys we're hard up, but we've got
good thing on. They'll subscribe
little all reound. Yew see if they don't
"' Well, Wen try sez we; and "
went to sleep hungry and got up raver
nps'