The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-11-27
PASSING SMiiES.
A BOOM in wool-the colored exodus.
WE welcome cold weather with

| ONE OF the best points about river Is
| the fact that it doesn't keep any bugs in
| its bed.
THERE is one consolation in being
broke. You have nothing to lose, and
everything to gain.
No amount of training will teach a
dog to sit in front or baker shop. while
! his master is in saloon.
"THAT baby, admit, is as good as
wheat" remarked fond parent the
other day, but like wheat it has to be
threshed. - Wheeling Sunday Leader.
A savoy young man from Toronto,
Tottesl six thousand did want to;
So he borrow d q saw,
g. Aud then q chum saw, itM8
Who sawed for the man from Tore nto.
Mark Train.
WHEN Douglas Jerrold heard society
bore speaking of a song that Z" always
carried him away" when he heard it,
Jerrold simply asked If someone present
would please 20 sing it. n
AN exchange says that no Hottentot
is permitted to marry more than eight
sisters out of the family. In that
heather country the law seems to totally
ignore mans affections.
"a,AND her whispers filled my pulses
with the fullness of spring." were the
words he uttered as he sprung for the
front door when she whispered in his
ear that papa was about to appear upon
| the scene.
A SHORT time ago Danbury man
had forty dollars stolen from him. The
thief was subsequently struck with re-
morse and sent back twenty dollars,
with note to the effect that as soon as
he received more remorse he would send
back the rest.
AN unpromising infant: Mrs. Levi
-" You wouldn't charge dot leedle
paby full fareao Conductor-" How
old is he, mem~ Levi, Jr.-" vas seek
years." Mrs. Levi-"O Jakey, Jakey,
you will nefer make schmart make like
your fader." Puck. - z< -
A MAN out West has sued a newspa-
per for libel, because it said he killed
man. the newspaper wants to COM
promise, and advises him to make the
report true by killing somebody. He
has accepted the advice, and is hunting
around tor the editor = OIL City Derrick.
The. Western lady who read in a
newspaper that baking powder was a
good thing, thought she'd bake some,
and her old man On arriving where the
cabin had stood. said he wouldn't mind
the affair SO much if she'd let the dog
out before blowing herself and the prop
erty to glory in that style.
A LONDON scientific journal says the
cucumber is known to have been culti-
vated for more than 5000 years-that it
was extensively grownin ancient Egypt.
Perhaps it was the cucumber and not
the asp that Cleopatra took to her
bosom with results. We always doubted
that snake story.
You never see woman button any
thing that she can pin, and you never
see q man pin anything that he can tie
with string. You would have trouble
making some men believe that they
band with piece of tWine.-Burlingto
dd'oseye,s -. s5,l Il .sse ss
A FASHIONABLE garment can now be
made by taking your husbands ulster,
dyeing it brown. cutting off the breast
pockets, gatheliss it behind ard sowing
ten cents worth of black ruching around
the neck With one of these on, mid
dle-sized woman can sail into a five cent
store with the air of a Duchess,
NOAH, poor man, never knew what it
was to slip down into the cellar of the
Ark, when the boys were in the kitchen,
with beer mug hid under his coat-tail,
and come up with a satisfied expression
observing that he'd jest been down to
see if them taters WIZ sproutin.-C Gin
cina,ati Commercial.
"SoUND," said a schoolmaster, q" is
what you hear. For instance, you can
not feel sound.n e Oh yes, you can,"
said a smart boy, '.Wnat sound can
you feelf" retorted the pedagogue. "a
sound thrasning," quickly replied the
smart boy. Correct" said the school
master. i" Come up" And that Smart
boy felt it again. ai-fss
A WOMAN who had buried four hus-
bands was sadly contemplating their
pictures. "Your poor father is in
heaven, 1 hope" she said to her little
five-year-old. (Which one, smamma?"
inquired the little innocent 9 Why,
| your own, own dear father" And are
the others all burned up7' : The mother
didn't answer the ,conundrum.
"TAIKING about downrights sbull-
headed luck said old Buffers, the other
day, " why, that fellow, Bivens, beats
any one i ever heard of."aa" How's
that?" said the barkeeper. Why, the
other day his tailor ran away with his
wife. Just think of it-two ten strikes
ina single day." And Buffers walked
of, grumbling at the unfair partiality
of Providence.
A NEW sentimental song is entitled
"Tell me to live in your Sonl, Love"
! Well do it. There's nothing mean about
| us. Come right along and live in it.
High stoop, stone front, basement din
| ing room, hot anu cold waterson every
floor, and telephone ia the sitting
room. Rent, $2S month, invariably
in advance; references. But why did
you leave your last soul.-Haeokeye.
SURE CURE FOR. TooTHACHE.--Jock
is not often i'll; but once he had the
toothache. And what did yeu do for
| it2" said one to him. s Weel, I just
bought saxpennorth % 1audanum- and
mixed it wi pint O. whisky and drank
it; but it was ma good" Here there
was a pause, alter which Joe resumed:
SO then got another saxpennorth O.
laudanum and pit it into quart O
whisky /" - Welf?''s 6 Weel, when l
woke two days after there was ma tooth
ache. p Pdnity FAIR
WE frequently hear Of narrow escapes
from drowning, the victims, in nearly
every instance, being rescued !" just as
they were going down for. the third
time" Why is it that some are not
saved whenahout TO go down the second
time? Let us hear of some one saved
before going down at all, like the Dutch
man who was the sole survivor aof a
party of nine, the reason of his miracu-
lous escape being that he didn't. sc,
oudt in der poat." t."--Boston Journal OF
Commerce. g3v Sa - - @a
ss He Suspected Her., ss
| tTniedo Blade