Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1879-04-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


He IS q good man, indeed, who
does all the good he talks of.
Fashion item: This season, at last,
lamps will be trimmed with shears
KeokUk Consultation.
The vain man is, after all, the hap-
piest. While the rest of US are irving
to please others he is perfectly satisfied
If he only pleaseS himsef.-N. 2. World.
1t was Emerson who declared that
a man ought not to be a slave of his
yesterdays. Quite true-nor yet Of his
to-morrows. Let him rather be master
Of his to-day.-GrGphic.
&c What is ight?'' asked the dimin-
utive professor, as he looked over his
spectacles. "WeIl," was the reply,
% full-grown man who doesn't weigh
over hundred pounds is light"
When you say that boys will be
boys you mean that there is a certain
amount of diabolism in human nature
which shows itself at very early age,
without intimating that in later years
it wholly vanishes.-N. 7. Herald.
-OnOuhAlLo AhLlO Is CoCOEblU2 u ulEck
maiden of the Port to her hOme):
Haven't we got most to your house?
Meek Maiden of the Port: Oh, dear,
no, Mr.. Snodkins. We passed my
house an hour ago.-HaTUGTd Crimson.
"A carpenter of Lisdoonvarna,
County Clare, ireland, has Just met his
death in q curious manner. He was
riding on bicycle and was upset. He
fell on a chisel and was so badly
wounded that he died by the roadside.
An exchange says: kind words
are better than gOld." Well, they may
be for some purposes, but, when you
want to choke off bill collector With
a heavy under jaw, COLDS the best.
Such men don't run to sentiment much.
bridgeport Standard.
-" Did you attend the church fair
last nightP" asked a minister of one Of
the male members of his congregation.
g Yes, sir" - didn't see you there"
aid a sharp-eyed deacon; g 1 saw you
by the outer door at closing up time"
'' Well, attended two of 'em home"
. .YonEers Gazette.
Speaking of the dull times, q
wicked Mobile man says that a few
weeks ago a stranger arrived there and
bought bale of cotton, and pleasant
rumOr was at once started that the cot
ton buyer had arrived, but it only
proved to be Chicago man with the
sar-ache.-BOsto11. Commercial B4lletiH.
"A little girl recently saw an old
drunken man lying on the doorstep, the
pouring off his face, and
. crowd Of children preparing to make
un of him. She took her little apron
md wiped his face, and looking up so
oitifully to the rest, made this remark:
90 don't hurt him, he is somebody's
grandpa"
"A policeman who had offered his
land to young woman and had been
'efused, arrested her and took her to
he station-house. ''What is the
.harge against this woman" asked
he Lieutenant. Resisting an offer,
IT." was the reply. She was dis
harged, and so was the oficer.-CfH-
igHati Saturday Night.
1t was in a Stumptown Sunday
school visitor, who was interrogat-
ng the children, asked the question:
8 Why was Lots wife turned into q
pillar of salt?n There was q pause,
ind then small boy, with a prefer
natural growth of head, piped out,
i s'pose it was because she was too
fresh. "-Ne'carE Sunday Call.
The Chinese anatomists have found
,ut why the world isso hollOw-hearted.
1t an inquest recently held on the body
# All Lin, who died at San Jose sud
ienlv of heart disease, his physician,
Or. Cog Fy, stated that he had treated
i'm for his lungs, and in answer to the
question, "HOw many lungs has 8
nan?" replied: "Seven." He also
ave the information that there are
i've holes in the heart of man, and that
IS principal function is to "catch air
The Chicago & Northwestern Rail
.Oad Company is said to require every
nan in its employ to subscribe to the
pledge before entering into
he service of the company; " here
w aoree and promise that while am
n the employ of the Chicago & North
western Railroad Company, will en-
irely abstain from the use of intOxieat-
no LIQUORS of every kind, including ale,
,eer and wine, and that I will not fire.
uent dram-ShOps, billiard-salOOns. or
ther places where liquors are sold;
hat | will refrain from the use of pro-
ane, abusive and improper language,
nd will sndeaYOr to treat everybody
nth all due respect and courtesy.
'ailing to keep these pledges l shall
xpect tO be discharged from the serv-
&C IF the company"
The agricultural and business stu
tion in Tennessee is summed up IS fol-
ows: The general condition of Tennes-
ee is much improved. The farmers
ave made no more money this year
han for the past three years, but have
greater abundance of crops. The
movement of crops has been backward,
u consequence of low prices. The
prospects for increased crops next year
re very hattering. There is an appar-
mt improvement in the disposition of
he people TO invest capital IN farming
md in business generally. The people
re generally better off this year than
hey were two or three years ago;
There is an Improvements in the local I
rade consequent on the increaSeu 5s.l
means of producers on account Oh low
,rices. Confidence is returning, ana
IL the general business prospects IoI
llNt \ car are regarded as encouraglng,
+ mot tlattering. There is no more
money among the people at large than
here was last year, or in the two pre-
eding years.