The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-03-27

While earth my knee was lame,
had to nurse and heed it;
But now I'm at better place,
Where do not even need it.
AFTER all, definition is everything. as
this case in point will attest: In a
horse case" recently tried in New
Jersey, a negro witness was called upon
to explain the difference between a box
suall and common stall. Straighten-
ing himself up, and pointing to the
square inclosure where the Judge sat,
he said, "Dat ar's what I calls a box
stall, dere whar dat ole boss is sittin'!"
Mr.. THOMAS B. CRYSTALS name is
appended to the following bit of poetic
coloring:
THE PAINTER AND HIS GIRL.
A painter, who a store did keep,
Was such jolly Joker
That when he found his girl asleep
He with yellow ochre.
Her choler rOse-"Am [ so brown
You call me Pretty yeler?'
indigo nant she left the town
Thus went his lumber Ella.
He vowed he'd meier sienna one;
He'd give his life to toll;
He keeps that VOW in violet
His is Lynn C. Doyle.
WITHOUT lawyers and witnesses we
couldn't have very much court, and it
not infrequently happens that those
who go upon the witness stand get the
better of We lawyer man For instance,
in Pittsfeld, Mass, this legal legend is
remembered: A certain lawyer, who
had reputation as being very astute at
cross examinarion, asked female wit
ness: Madam, are you now living
with your first or second husband?"
F." That's none of your business! sharp
and short. With an air of offended
dignity the lawyer turned to Judge
Brigham, who remarked, with smile:
I think the witness is about right in
that, is she not?"
OUR legal readers will perhaps do a
little smile at the following, which we
quote from Fifty Years of My Life"
by the Earl of Albemarle: "Scene,
Dublin. Baron O'Grady presiding in
court. Bush, then Kings counsel, was
pleading a cause with much eloquence,
when donkey in the courtyard set up
loud bray. 'One at time, Brother
Bush,' called out his Lordship Peals of
laughter filed the court. The counsel
bore the interruption as he could The
Judge was proceeding to sum up with
his usual ability, when the donkey
again began to bray. 1 beg your Lord
ships pardon, said Bush, putting his
hand to his ear; but there is such an
echo in the court that I can't hear
word you say" ..
In leading church in the Diocese of
Huron, Canada West, there has lately
been some difficulty in obtaining sufi-
Gent supply of gas, through defect in
the main, or other cause. The mana
ger at the gas-works sent boy to the
church with instructions to see the sex
ton and ascertain whether they were
getting enough light. The boy arrived
after service had commenced, and. not
seeing the sexton, walked boldly up the
aisle and aceosted the rector, who was
reading the service, and asked, in O.
frank and perfectly audible tone:
ttiSay, boss, hoaU are ye off for gas ?"
The answer was not heard, but there
were reasons why most of the congrega-
ton INDUCED in smile. ~
OF the late Louis A. Cooley, who was
a ready-witted man, Col Forney relates
the following: On one occasion, at an
evening entertainment at Godey's
house, two angry disputants were facing
each other, almost ready to resort to
blows, when Cooley picked up a huge
knife from the supper table and
handed it to the most violent of the two
The latter unconsciously received it, at
the same time demanding of Cooley,
What do you mean by this, sir?" "I
mean," said the jolly editor of the
Lddy's Book-"I mean that you shoald
cut off the quarrel right here" The
general explosion of merriment made
the controversy so ridiculous that it
was stopped at once, the excited adj
themselves joining in the
laugh, as they shook hands and begged
pardon of the host.