South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-08-01
WIT AND IIUnIOe.


A little six year olG had been listcn.
ing 20 the remarks Of legal-luinded m
Gle in regard to the prospects of AN IN
dcted party getting clear ~ getting
continuance of Lis case from time 70 time.
Shortly after The little fellow got INTO a
scrapo. wi,icl. secured for him a promise
from his mother OF u little dose OF slipper
at an early period. lie anxiously sought
the uncle for legal advice on the subject
who could only sympathize with him,
but with no prospect of relief Uncle"
said he, don't you think you could get
mother TO continue my case II we
could get continuance | think could
get off. He got off.
A SIGN PAINTEk's INTENTIONAL wo.
man who opened small millinery store
IN the western part of the city, SAYS the
Detroit Free Press, engaged painter to
paint her a sign. When it came home
the other day she saw that it read -
"Mrss. Blank" etc, and she called out,
You have got an extra s. in Mrs. and
you must paint the sign over again.
The painter saw the error, but he did
not want the job of correcting it, and he
replied: Madame, haven't you had two
husbands 2" eyes, sir" "You were n
Mrs. - when you lost the frst!'' 81
was and do you think woman can
go on marrying forever and not lengthen
out her title - Mrs. means n married
woman or Il widow. Mrss means a wo-
man who has been married twice, and is
young enough to marry again, and only
yesterday rich old coon was in our shop,
and said if he had any idea that YOU
were heart flee he'd come up 'Oh,
well you can nail up the sign" she inter.
rupted. And it is there to-day.
Robert Hall did not lose his power of
retort even in madness. A hypocritical
condoler with his misfortunes once visit
ed him III the mad house. and said. in a
whining tone, "What brought you here,
Mr.. Hall 2" Hall significantly touched
his brow with his finger, and replied.
"What'll never bring you, sr-too much
brain ~
HAD CORNER ON THE "ILE."-His
loving mother said, of you take some
of the caster oil, I'll let you 90 to the
circus
GLOW much p he cautiously inquired.
"Oh, only a spoonful; Just spoon
full she replied.
And you'll give me some sugar be.
sides 7" he asked
"Of course ! villa big lump"
He waited until she began pouring
from the bottle, ard then asked "And
you'll give me 10 cents too -
'Ycs, OF course"
"And you'll buy me shoe-fy kite ?"
he went on, seeing his advantage.
II guess So"
mo kite, no ile," he said, as he step
ped back.
well, I'll buy kite" she replied,
filling the spoon up.
"And vclocipcde Z"
I'll think of it."
You can't think 40 caster lie down
me y he exclaimed, Cooking around for
his hat
Here Will, or I'll tease father to
and know he will Come, now, swol-
low it down"
"And you'll buy me goat :"
Eyes"
"And 200 marbles -
eyes. Now take it right down"
And a coach dog p
II can't promise that"
"All right no dog, no lie"
"Wcll, I'll ask your father"
"And you'll buy me pony 7"
ooh, l couldn't do that. Now, be a
good boy and swallow it down"
ooh, yes, I'll swallow that stuff, I
WILL" he said. as nc clapped on his hat
You may fool some other boy with
circus ticket and a lump of brown sugar, |
but it'll take hundred.dollar pony to
trot that castor lie down my throat
Ilarpcr's Bazaar
II was this readiness which made John |
Randolph so terrible in rctort He was
the Thcrsites Of Congress, tongue stab.
Der. No hypcrbole of contempt or scorn
could be launched against him, but he !
could ovcrtop it with something moro
scornful and contemptuous. Opposition
only maddcncd into more brilliant bit
tcrucss. "Isn't it shame, Mr.. Prcsi.