The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1879-10-25
THIS AMI TEnAT.


apart, they're woman's whole existence.
"A rumor comes from Paris that bonnets
are to be worn on the head hereafter.
) The railroads are bringing in great
quantities of game especially euchre.
No matter how muck candidate ilches
for office, he never likes to be scratched.
Indian summer this And speaking of
Indian summer, that's about all that is left
that the Indian can call his own.
-T rise for information" said member
of legislative body. 81 am very glad to
hear it" said a bystander, "no man wants
it more"
"A recent obituary notice says "Mr.
Smith was an estmable citizen. lie died
with perfect resignation. lie had recently
been married.
"Will YOU have some more beans, John.
ny" "No." "No what?" "No beans"
says johnny, solemnly, pretending not to
understand what is desired.
Mother VERY sweetlyN to children who
have just had distribution ofcandy: "What
do children say when they get candy ?"
Chorus: "Morew
The worst case of selfshness on record
is that Of youth who complained because
his mother put larger mustard plaster on
his younger brother than she did on him.
"A young lady's hat blew of and was
run over by broad-wheeed cart. The
ribbons were somewhat soiled, but the hat
is now the very latest fall shape.
"A college student, in rendering to his
father an account of his term-expenses, in
serted; "To charity, thirty dollars" His
father wrote back al fear charity covers
multitude of SINS"
"A ton of gold makes fraction over half
a million dollars, and when man saws his
wife is worth her weight in gold, ard she
weighs 100 pounds, she is worth $4,000.
The Marquis de Colino's last They
were talking before him about cremation,
and asked his opinion of it. at is horrible
-repulsve" he exclaimed. CAS- for my
self, I would die before would be crc-
mated -
Teacher: "Feminine of rriar?" Fr,t
bright boy; "Hasntany." Teacher; Next"
Second bright boy, "Nun." Teacher:
"Thats right" First bright boy indignant
ly calculates "Thats just what I said"
"A Milwaukee girl suffering from lock-
jaw was left alone with a mouse by the
shrowd physician, and she contriycd toopen
her mouth enough to give yell that made
the crockery in the china closet rattle.
Mother-"Johnpy, why do youloo. so
down-heorted?" Johnny-"Coz I havn't
got no luck. Jim Woodhead was the lost in
the class, and I'd worked myself up to the
last but one, an now Jimmy's died o,duy,
an am the last again. Boo-hoow
M. Prudhommc reads in his newspaper
the details of horrible crime committed by
a policeman who cut his victim into sixty
five pieces. "And yet" he murmurs to
himself, "they daro say that this republican
system is the one which divides US the
least"
A man out west has sued n newspaper
for libel because it said he killed a man.
The newspaper wants to compromise, and
advises MN TO make the report true 10y kill
ing somebody, He has accepted the advice
and is hunting around for the editor
"A country editor in Michigan thus bids
farewell to his readers, his newspaper hav-
; ing EXPIRED "Good by.--IoIl the bell gent
ly-Ihls is our last kick-llandle us with
care-Lower US gently to resl-We die a
natural death-The wolf is at our door
Bury US under roseJush-LisIen to the
hooking bird
' Old Mr.. Hazlctt, of Oregon, thought he
was gong to die, and IN order that his heirs
should have nothing to quarrel over he
burned $4,000 in greenbacks. lie didn't
die, after all, and now when the heirs sco
him saving wood to earn his bread they
naturally feel that they are ahead Of him,