Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-02-23
Wit and HulnOr.

Inc older the seeds, the more perfect
the lady slippers will be. And the older
the banana peel, the less graceful and the
more perfect will be the gentleman slip
pers.
If you were to offer $4,000 fof sew
ing machine that didn't take the ssfrst
premium" at the Paris exposition, we
don't suppose you could get one.-Norris-
toaon Herald.
When man reaches the top of stair
way and attempts to make one more step
lgher the sensation is as perplexing as
If he had attempted to kick a dog that
wasn't there.
The county fair orator who is not in
formed that his effort beat anything ever
attempted by Henry Clay will feel an
unsatisfed longing, no matter how
promptly his pay is handed over.
The stranger who attends one of the
fashionable churches in Boston may get
his pocket picked, or may have his con-
science strongly awakened. The chances
seem to be about even.
The young men of to-day should place
their hopes on the future, with it glori-
GUS chances and possibilities. The past
has been committed to history and to the
Potter committee.
What's the use of sitting all day in a
boat holding $40 fish-pole and line to
catch little half-pound fish, when salt
mackerel weighing a pound can be
caught at any grocery store for six cents2
Whitehall Times.
Two stage robbers can halt stage
filled with Indian-fghters,all we'll armed,
and make the crowd shell out in the
most humble manner What does it is
the fear on the part of the Indian-fghters
that some of them might get hurt.
An exchange publishes the startling in
formation that there are no reserved seats
in heaven. Most PEOPLE would Danish all
uneasiness on that account If they could
obtain standing room.-C Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
Times are changed indeed. A man
used to be able to pass himself off for q
genius by wearing spectacies and letting
his hair grow long, but that racket don't
work now. The conditions of life are
growing harder for the poor man all the
time.
The country is becoming so crowded
with marksmen, athletics, swimmers and
oarsmen wearing medals on their breasts
that the ordinary man will soon have to
return to blue coats with brass buttons,
in order to keep from sinking into utter
jnsignifcance--Philade p1ia Chronicle
A Whitehall youngster had just been
gwen dose of salts and senna which
he took against his will. wish old Mrs.
Lot had never looked back" he exciaim-
ed, making up wry faces. "Whv?" asked
his mother. Because then there'd never
been any such thing as salt and sinner to
bother US little boys WITH" was his reply.
The only Frenchman ever heard of
who did funny thing at a duel was
Sainte Beuve, who, having to fight on a
very rainy morning, persisted in holding
an umbrella over his head with his left
hand. In vain did his seconds remon-
strate with him, and tell HIM such con-
duct was out of order. II don't mind
being shot," said the great critic, shut
never came here to get wet, !" and he stood
his adversary's fire, with his umbrella
waving proudly over his head.-London
World.
A barefooted darkey, while hoeing cot
ton one day, saw his big toe under elod
and thinking it mole's head, hit it and
hurt himself. After working with it for
while, he got tired, set his foot on a
stump, and said, "Well, jes pain away
now: doesn't care; you hurts yeself
wussin ye do mel"
A lady sent for the Chief of Police the
other day, and complsined to him that
her husband had in the most cruel man
ner kept her prisoner at home for the
last ten days.
"Ah," said the Chief, ''does he lock the
| doors on your
Certainly not.''
docs he have somebody to guard you
and keep you from going outs''
mo, indeed-not he.''
Swell, does he-does he title you to
any thing?"
mo, sir-he dare not"
"Well, I should say, madam, that
pray excuse me-that you have about all
the freedom you could want"
"Gracious heavens!' exclaimed the la
| dy, with clenched fingers and flashing
| eyes, 80 horrid mouse tied to the top Of
the box with my Sunday bonnet in it,
and you talk to me about all the freedom
cOnld want