The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-08-28
ALL SORTS.

1
over the grave of citizen recently de-
Twisted Mules Tail =
Unknoa0n.
A Yankee trick-Taking an old grind
stone and filing the hole with clay,
smering it over with fresh butter and SELL
ing it for cheese Waterloo Observer.
ITO hoe peas is hard lot. murmured
the little huckster's boy, sweating over |
his task. A long wiuded echo retorted
with, hope eases a hard lot, but the
boy would not be comforted.- Yonher's
Gazette.
Gin Sling is the euphouious name of |
Chinese freshman at Yale. Who knows
but at some time in the dim future Gin
Sling may become one of the ornaments OF
the American barl- Waterloo Observer.
A subscriber writes to ask who wrote
the line "a rest for weary sinners found.
Now we don't pretend to know, but it
strikes as being gilt-edged IDEA to have
EN- arrested whenever they are found
OttdUa Republican.
Almanacs for 1880 are now being given
away at the drugstores. They are very
handy for your wife to tear wrapping-pa-
per out of when her neighbor comes IN to
borrow a nutmeg or little cinnamon. -
Fond d. Lac Reporter.
A woman who can balance and swing in
trapeze for half an hour, fairly making
your nerves crawl for tear that
she will exemplify the laws of Rravitation
in hurry, is competent to WELD the bal
lot, and ought to be kept voting all the
time.-Neao Haven Register.
A smart child in Pittsburg stole his
teachers watch from her desk while she
was absent from her schoolroom. He
smarted for four or FIVE days afterwards
and considered invitations to take chair
to be wanton outrages on his feelings
PtHsbmg Chronicle.
He wagered that he could go out aud
shoot q woodcock inside Of ten inmates
aud he accomplished toe feat Ia halt the
time The farmer to whose barn it wa;
attached grumbled some because the sho
marred the letters that Indicate the points
of compass, but that was harm0ni0uSly
got along with.-FhltOn Times.
! A South American plant has been found
that cures bashfulness. 1t should b(
promptly tried on the man who leaves thu
hotel by the back window, because he il
tUO uilAutuG W Say SOOu-by W tue CdSIlio
and clerk.-BrTdgeport Standard.
A Hartford woman patted her friend !
seven year old youngster on the hand ,au(
said: Il should like to have such it'll,
boy as you are" He looked up into he
face aud replied: We'll, | guess you Cal
r don't believe God has lost the pattern O
I me-"
The London World tells of Londol
t lady who does not admire Sara Bern
Q hardt, She says she doesn't care for
. woman whose eyes are only an inch fron
the top of her head, and who has an iron
sdout upper lip.
An exchange says. Kerosene viii
:, make tea-kettles shine as bright as new,
!. I"Yes" remarked another paper. "Kero
I sene will do wonders, it will make nous
. shine so it can be seen for miles, but it i
terribly destructive to paint.
: ITO the one love my kiss is ever free
is poem by Maude. Now Maudie don
y you think you're too fresh? If there wa
n the least bit of enthusiasm In your max
up, you would coax him to church Sc
e ciable and get ten cents apiece for them
, Osa0ego Riley.
A woman may wear her hat knocke
!. into any conceivable shape, and both her
self and hat are pronounced perfectly love
= | y; but just let nc an jam in one side Of tn
hat he wears and be is at once proclaime
u frst-ciass rowdy.-1oronto GrGpLtic
o Taste in keeping-Scene, THE Row.
: He on the cob, Halo! A gay-lookin
!. animal you've got there, Gus" Gus, 70
p a snowy piebald-a regular Myers
"Haw! Ya-as. you see I've taken chan
/ bers 10 the circus for the season, so
q thought p1 have a nag TO match .-BoSt0
/. Punch.
Fond parent to his son: Yes, San Frar
N cisco is the place to get on it. Look
James; he started without a penny, an
Is has lately failed for $780, 900. OF course
~ that's an extreme case. | don't expe
le you to do as well as that. Still, with hol
70 esty and industry, see no reason vi
= you SHOULD not, gin a few years, fail f
= $4,000. San Francisco Golden Era.
o' Some of the papers are publishing "Sce
he tife Notes" Hetfelspin says people ougl
le to avoid them as they would the small-pC
no or yellow fever. He put his name on Il
back of the ordinary note of friend, al
~ now he is minus $57 aud six months i
OF terest The simplicity of the thing
ell enough for him; the science he doesr
Us want to know anything about:--Ron,e Sc
tinel.
Joseph Cook once asked certain la,
lie to be his wife. aud Immediately lapeed
b. to a profound study Of something. T
he lacy softly said, Yes and as he didl
TO respond, she repeated the word little lou
- err Stop your noise! roared JOSEF
VI L We got an argument at my tongues Ell
he that will knock the spots out of John Mi
Or. aud here you're trying TO spout it. "-Bl
- fd{O Express
just in Time.-Constau: Traveller
III Hullo, Johnsonl you here2 Have you Il
P. Great Mudley Goods Yard?" Retir
he lShumter-Yes, sir. There were ten of
- when | joined eight years ago; so, as t
~ others were all smashed, thought it "
ire about time for me to leave LONDON Po
q, When a man sneaks into the house
Dg midnight and tries to get into bed withC
nd waking up the family, every stair a
\ foor-bo creaks like rusty sWingi
= sign in gale: but burglar can go
oe over the same house as noiselessly as
floating zephyr. -NOrriStoaon Herald.
M In a town in Missouri lady teacher "
,s exercising her class in mental arithmet
'' She commenced the question: III you b
lts a COW for $l0"-when up came a lit
tor hand, What is it, Johnny2" ''Wl
ms you cant buy no kind of COW for S.
no Father sold one for $50 the other d;
and she was a regular old scrub at tha
- A lawyer once asked the late Judge PIX
lat ems, of Alabama, to charge the Jury, =
nd is better that ninety and nine guilty ~
wa should escape than that one innocent 10