The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-10-09
NRIC-I-VR

ALI lmpcrious C;rsar-thc sheriff.
Jonah is reported to have been the
first man who struck oil.
No one has thus far, in this AGO of
innovations, made cider from the ap-
PIC ofthc eye.
Everything is fair in the mad en-
deavor to secure the first prize at an
agricultural fair.
The reason we cannot have an
honest horse race is because VIC haven't
an honest human race.
IA gun that misses fire when the
owner knows it is loaded is waiting TO
surprise some small member of the
family.
Always make it rule never to
say anything before II mans face that
You wouldn't dare say behind his
back.
-Plnatorc is dcgcncrating-its Ralphs
are winning to themselves the sobri-
quot OF "Sing-bad, the sailor"
What this great and glorious
country of ours needs most lust at the
present time is Il deaf and dumb Doli-
lician.
-itis stated rs fact that since wo-
men nave taken to wearing low
crowned hats, the attcn(lancc at the
theatre has increased
-lhcrc arc men who pass for schol-
ars who are SO far behind the times
mat they appear Obliged to express
their IDEAS in quotations from dead
languages.
We know q good many men who
arc nnXlously advocating the payment
OF the national debt that forget all
about those contracted by themselves.
.EiWtlW GUEcifc.
Item on tho bill Of fare at the
white Sulphur Springs Hotel, Virgin
"a: enlargement rings can be had at
the jcwclry stores"
The man who snorcs, and who
knows that he snorcs, and vet who
wont put clothcs-pin on his nose
when going to bed has the blood Of an
army contractor in his veins.
-Expcricncc teaches many things
prominent among which. to II man, is
thht 1t IS safer TO run your chanccs
with ~ balky mule than dictate to Il wo-
man on wash day.
-'lloW many deaths last night ?"
inquired hospital physician of a
nurse. "Ninc," was the answer. "Why
ordered medicine for ten" EYES,
but one wouldn't take it."
- Mrs. Newman Hall, that used TO
be, is coming to this country. We
nominate II. W. Bccchcr, Simon Cam
eron and Roscoe Conkling as q COM
miltcc of rcccption.-Bos.P Post.
--Thc Okolona States editor GOES on
conqucring and to conquer as a lcctur-
or. AT Frccport, Ill.,, the people turn
cu out as one man to hear him.-P. $.
Inc one man alluded to bought a'tick-
ct, ana nobody else in the town did.
MIR. OH Bull, the fiddler, has inst
discovered that on the occasion of his
eleventh and last farewell tour in this
country hc missed several persons.
and now he has sailed from England
TO America to bid them yood-byc.
MIR: Tildcn-Sir: Now that YOU
have wiped up your backyard with
Cyrus il would he well TO turn your
attention to one j. Kelly. We are as
ready to applaud now as VIC will be
ten days lcncc.--Er.
Tho big belt buckles will have TO
go. An inventor has constructed n
laclnG-inachinc that will contract u
waist until it looks like vinegar finn
mel for pint bottles. IL will ruin the
sale OF anti-tat altogether.
ia new bclt-clasp has three COM
partments, in which The wearcr may
stow pins, needles and cotton" Cot
ton in Il abclt-clasp? Well, perhaps the
wcarcr may stow it there, but it would
pc a change that-tllat is, we don't
know anything about it.-Noyyistown
Uc3uhd.
"A Democratic gin in Burke coun-
|! killed negro the other day. We
give the politics of the gin for The
bchc1It or the stalwart organs. There
was no proVocation on the part of the
negro. The gin simply rcached out
and took him in.-1iluntu Constitu-
ton.
They arc going to charge q dollar
per admission to SIC the insane asy.-
inc walking match we mean, in New
York. This will cause some SUFFERING
among the poor. Some o: them will
have to sell a dog to raise funds to at
tend. And a bitter cold winter near
at hand, too !-NoyTiSto,cn .Hcru1d.
Tho German Emperor treats his
troops in the most patcrmal fashion.
"Good morning, my childrcn." "hc saws
with kindly smile, as he rides past.
the brigadcs drawn up to receive him;
ana all the regiments answer Justify,
"Good morning, your Majesty"
They were out sailing on the At
lantic City inlet. The captain, as he
splccd the bouy, cried, "iIarl- -a-lcc !"
and one OF the party, by force Of habit
1t was not intcntiOnal-murmur
"Evcr? There was a splash heard,
and the huge jaws of shark were seen
TO crunch the victim Of The anti-pina-
fore society.
Atlanta has young woman who
lacks consideration. On Wednesday
last she met Il prominent young LAWYER
on the street and presented him baby
two weeks old. lie declined 10 receive
it when she laid it on the pavement at
ms icct. lie walked away when she
picked up. the child and walked with
it by his side to his office. TO say that
social circles at AtInutu nrc ct;rro,l IN