Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1879-09-18
THE RESUMPTION FARCE.
John Exposes the National Banks and Con
fesses the Greenbackers nre Right.

the characters who figured so prominently
throughout Act lst. They, that is to say,
bankers, usurers, money-brokers, railroad
presidents, unmistakable politicians, mis-
taxable statesmen, partisan editors, and,
to relieve the monotony, a sprinkling Of
honest men are IN such excellent spirits,
they cannot adequately express their graft
tication, and, therefore, compromise the
difficulty by beaming fatuous admiration
upon John, the central figure of the as
sembly, The honest men crowd around
John before taking their leave Of him. and
while doing so, emulate each other in ex
pressing astonishment at the magical
Transformation John claims to have effect
ed by simply reducing the gold premium
from the eighth of one per cen um to zero.
"Only think they chorus-"when a
hundred gold dollars sold for one hundred
dollars and twelve cents currency, bus-
ness was at standstill; but the moment
the currency price Of gold dollar fell the
eighth Of cent, then presto! Mills, fac.
tories, trades, in short all business started
off with whir, rattle, and bang alb
solutely deafening. Is it not wonderful"
they warble-'how the entire national
welfare could have hung, as John proves,
on the extinction of the paltry eighth OF
cent premiumP All the more wonderful
when we reflect that business was never
so active and prosperous as during the.
war, when gold was $50 per cent. pre-
MUM, Or fourteen hundred and forty
times greater than the premium VIII =,
yesterday stopped, as John shows, all tle
wheels Of industry" Then the honest
men put to John this conundrum:-"Ifl
the eighth Of cent premium on gold
paralyzes enterprise, how was it that
premium fourteen hundred and forty a.
A0) times greater gave to enterprise ex-
traordinary vitality and impetusP"
John regards the questloners with the |
benignant pity born of lofty contempt, |
and replies: Facts gentlemen, are the |
best answers. You know that previous to |
January lst of this year, the gold pre-.
mum was the eighth of cent on the dol |
ar, the business laid PROSTATE. You also
know that after January lst this eighth oil
"A cent premium, thanks to resumption, |
disappeared, and business doomed. Now, |
gentlemen, leave you to draw your own |
inferences. The honest men admit to |
themselves that Johns exclamation is as
clear as blue mud; and that, with its aid, |
it is as easy for them to penetrate the |
mystery as to look through the thiCkest |
Of grindstones. But, being good Repub. |
licans, they place blind faith in John, and |
like the English bishop of lunatic tenden-
Cies, their faith increases the more ncom-
prehensible and absurd is the stuff offered |
to their credulity.
As the door closes on the last honest
man, John shrugs his shoulders and Smil-
ing sarcastically, says:-"Behold the
stuff we have to manipulate! Soft as wax,
stupid as dirt, their opinions take any
shape we elect to give them; and they
swallow as delicious morsels, whatever
trash we choose to pitch down their NOR
tai gulletts; well, asses are good creatures
for carrying heavy loads, and so long as
they are willing to bear us and our plum
der for the glory they fancy there is in it,
we must not begrudge them the thistles
they gather by the roadside. But, gen
tlemen, how goes the plot forward! Frank
B., what have you to say for yourself and
the other Golden Farmers of the road2"
John, protest; we are, to be sure,
all friends here, but still that's no excuse
for you being so sarcastic. five do plum
der the casy.going public, it's done ac-
Cording to law"
"Oh, you lawyers have strange notions
sometimes of what is according to law.
Was it according to law, Frank, when
your predecessor, at your instigation, and
with your connivance, swore that less
than forty thousand dollars was all the
Government tax your company owed ON
undivided profits, when your books show
ed the tax ought to have been nearer to
three hundred thousand. Was that ac-
cording to law? (SenSdtion.) There,
there, man don't look so distressed. You
see, we know all about it at Washington;
but while you are of us, and with ug, you
may hold your soul in peace about that
matter. So go ahead and give us your
views"
"You are making yourself very disa-
greeable. As to the tax referred to can
explain it away very satisfactorily at the
proper time. Laughter. | and my
friends, acting upon Johns suggestion, |
have given number of mills and factories
orders enough to keep them busy forsome
months to come; and have also delivered
them all the coal they wanted at about
cost price; which action on our part has
made business hum. But, as you are well
aware, it is only an artificial hum which
we alone cannot long sustain, For, though
our enforced economy since '73 causes us
now to really need more rails and supplies
than we have ordered. still we are. 6nanci.
aIIv in NO nosition To meet tbe eynensa
Our earnings scarcely suffice TO cover ordi.
nary outlaws and interest on our bonded
debts. We must borrow to nav for the or.
ders recently given. which will necessit to
larger profits To meet the additional In.
terest. bnt how this is to he Obtained ont
of a business now done nj abont cost nrice
ia more than onv Of us can telj Over civ
million TONS of coal more have been brougbt
down th;s fhnn last voar without br;nn'
inc ia n cent of nro}it. recentIv we al.
vanced w % The nrice IF Il ever so l;tije Int fbe
trade not be;no able 10 sunnort Il onr
vards and denots are be;no oareed With
,nrnl,S nroJnct ,,arojv 10 Lsor tba m,;nora
smpIoveI % % anS lo % MAKE tbe p neppnis ,h0 beI;ens %
that Rssnmnt;on IAN and "a tbe p'V RernbI;can %
nartv are tbe twin saviour, of tho not;on
7 teI1 vou Jobn unless Won ean @ smnnIa' %
o,ent you, fne scbame wi;tb onnthorp th
;;s % viii % soon be % un rElonrsmt % e, a;Iencn Cn
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tho host wot I hianLnt I Lyow u b., ou roaro are
u nV ~ o tLo We o,ln ts;S,,lat;on % ,b SUuts
n,uat 10 @ oSo @ maIs % r,oneu e ths a;o,;t rn an As
them "oo aro nA 10 snsta;S % thamsaIvS. @ anO' o u
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