The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1879-01-09
PASSING SMILES.

for ones individual dignity, virtue and
happiness.
"WoULD you like to be lynched p
of q horse-thief. "No, I'll be hanged if
I dor' was the reply. ea
He used to call his girl " Revenge
4 Cognomen rather neat, q
For when one asked him why. hs'd say,
"LIrTLE pitchers have large ears"
remarked that ubiquitous entity, by
stander, as Jenes's diminutive mule
pitched its owner over its head.-Boston
Transcript.
A YOUNG gentleman was yesterday
accusing another of having a big mouth.
Yes" said the other, I" but the Lord
had to make yours small 80 as to give
you plenty of cheek"
|. THE Kansas blacksmith who received
notice that he was heir to $3.50, 900,
chewed his tongue moment and then
went on with his pounding as of yore.-
Detroit Free Press. +5.@
DANIEL PRATT has the matter under
adyisement and has cabled to Bulgaria
that he will accept the throne for $500
wear. beer, cigars and hair-oil thrown
in.-Boston Post.
Be prudentiu your expenditures and
above all never -disburse other peoples
money, unless they authorize you to do
SO. Follow this advice and you will be
saved much Inconvenience and attend
ance at court-New York Ne,os.
A FASHION note informs US that
dresses are growing more bouffant in the
back. To those who do not know what
bouffant means this piece of news falls
with crushing force right on the verge
of ahard winter. ,5hiE s
D. A VERMoNTER has invented a bottle
that will always turn right side up, Now
let him invent something that will en-
able the man who carries it to do the
same thing and he will soon be rich.-
Buffalo Express.
The difference between gossip and
truth is that no one will ever stop to
question your veracity when you are in
dulging in the first; but he wants your
oath when you are speaking solemn facts.
Detroit Free Press.
New HAVEN County is credited with
having the meanest man in the State.
When he sends his hired man down eel
! lar to draw cider, he makes him whistle
| from the time he leaves his presence till
he returns with the beverage, 80 that he
can't drink any without having the old
man know it. sifa &c
A NEW JERSEY artist claims to have
discovered an original Turner in a farm
house in Jersey town. He thinks it is
I a Turner, because after he had turned
it around several times he couldn't de-
termine whether it was winter scene
or the portrait of an old man.-OI City
| Derrick.
AN instance of "sharp practice" is
that of a man. in. Ohio, who was &C
quilted, of murder on a plea of insanity.
| BE had secured his lawyers by giving
them a mortgage on his farm, but now
repudiates the mortgage on the ground
! that he acas insane aOhen he made it, ac-
cording to the showing of these same
lawyers. a
ELopEMENTs are managed on large
scale in California. A book canvasser
was arrested fortnight ago for running
away with farmers wife and family of
| fiye-two boys, a girl of four summers
and pair of twins seven months old.
This disturber of domestic peace had
not utterly despoiied the rightful hus-
band. Five were taken, but two were
| left to work on the old mans farm.
+ JERUSALEM Another volume of po-
etry! Another miserable, utterly un-
readable, pernicious mess of ,undiluted
hog-wash! Who in thunder buys such
| nauseating twaddle7 Well, it's got to
have a notice. Here goes: (" We have
seldom perused any thing SO. tenderly
/ suggestive, SO ethereally soulful, so
highly calculated to woo the mind from
earthly groyelments as the elegantly
1 bound and handsomely illustrated vol
4 ume, which, !" etc ,letc.-Bostor' Traveller.
/ The g coolest ~ man is resident Of
Paris. and he is the hero of the fol ow-
ing anecdote: A gentleran walking
| with his boy ON the banks of the Seine,
! the child slipped over the bank into the
water, and would certainly have been
I drowned, but for the courage of a man
who was fishing, who jumped in and
4 saved the boy. The father thanked
| him cordially, but asked him if he
1 would add to the obligation, as he was
already wet through, by swimming out
for his sons cap.
A MAN was in bed very i'll, when an
/ old chum came to see him. am
/ awfully bad" said the patient; "you
see am lying on my right side, and my
T doctor says / am so bad that if were
i to turn over on my left side I should
die.n "What an extraordinary thing
to say I" said the friend. assure you
4 he did say it." replied the sick man.
can't believe it, rejoined the visitor
"Whatr' exclaimed the sick man, you
4 don't believe itsa Then look herep and
i l.. +,xrrod over ond died in a rape-
Il Paris Figaro. 49, SID. efFarr
1 A BosToN man who was stopping al
| one Of our hotels last week. rang the
bell during the night, and told the
waiter to bring him something to allay
the suffering consequent upon a severe
4 attack of edentalgia. The waiter hur
ried down to the Office with very white
face, and repeated what the Boston maj
had said. The proprietor had nevel
; had such q dreadful thing in his house
before, hut he routed all hands anG
heated hot water. and prepared severa
mustard plasters, while three doctor
7 Iwere hurriedly dispatched for witt
i directions to bring all their instrument
and bandages and an extra allowanc'
. of chloroform. And when the anxiou
company invaded the room with saw
and knives and hot water and mustard
; they found the Boston man sitting u
+ in bed, and swearing epthusiasticall
because the servant was so long bring
: ing up bito ground Glove for his tooth
$ ache. - RocEland Courier. Ees
Q A PAPER carpet is now made in Eng
? land, designed to initiate parquet fool
1 ling. the paper being printed in pattern