The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1879-05-16
FEnINISE NorEs.

The woman who rejectsan offer Of mar.
rtage practices slight Of hand.
The New York Mati wisely remarks that
every man has two roads to happiness
open to him. One is lnatrimony aud the
the other isn't.
A correspondent Of tho Boston Tran.
NcTipt suggests the following change in a
familiar line: "NIen must work, and Wo.
men must walk"
An Iowa man who has been married
four times has his four m~otheBin.law in
one house, and they live together in the
greatest harmony.
Conversation and c~alisthenics is pic.
tured BY Puck: She-"Do you know, /
rather like a backward spring?p He
Shall do one for your"
The latest rendition Of the proyerb IL:
People who live in glass houses, and who
want to throw their arms around The TirI,
should pull down the blinds"
His last lapsus lingun.-Embarrassed
young gentleman TO wife Of Cabinet Min
ister)-"ll=I think you had the pleas
ure oil meeting me before"
A pauper in Gill, Mass, got so5 from
the poormaster ito obtain the necessities
OF life" and used the money in taking 10
himself a wife.
"The moon is always the same" he
said, %langnidly, land yet I always find
some new beauty in it." It's Just so with
the circus" she answered. He took the
hint and bought tickets for two.
allow To reduce Oas hilIQ ~ Ia tho hooJ-
ing OF an article in the Buffalo ErDress.
A very good way is for the old people 10
retire at an early hour, leaving their
daughter in the parlof entertaining her
young man.
One Of the greatest feats Of woman's
endurance is when the female with a dia-
mond ring wipes her mouth 5000 times In
5000 quarter hours without complaining
Of the least fatigue.-Phaadephia Chronicle.
A Mrs. Bruff, Of Oakland, has applied
for q legal desperation because, as her peti.
ton states, MI. B. leaves her ito run
around with the McCracken boys and do
things she afterwards regrets."-Sdn Fran
cisco P0a.
A lady was entertaining at dinner a
stranger who bad brought a letter Of in.
PRODUCTION to her husband, and at the end
OF the meal coffee was served. The lady
asked her guest II he took sugar with his
coffee. He replied, 10 never, madam;
that is to say, hardly ever, unless the cof.
lee Is worry poor" A few minutes after he
said: Evil you please give me a little
sugar?"
A Boston telegraph clerk smiled when
be gave man this message from his wife:
unto US O chill Is born, nine feet long by
two feet wide;" but the man understood It
meant that he should buy an illuminated
Christmas text.
He was a malicious young man, who,
on the occasion OF his mother-in.law's
attieth anniversary, drank her health,
closing with the hope that they would at
least meet to celebrate one or two more
returns Of the happy day.-BOaOn Journal.
4 woman IA sitting at the breakfast
table the other morning, when an almost
breathless neighbor came In and informed
her that her husband was dead. She
calmly remarked, "Wait till I'm through
breakfast and then you'll hear bowling
The latest yarn about fast time is to the
IeutCI LuhL VII u CeTLAlu hLueTlCHu TNlIIOuu
q young man put his head out OF the win.
dow to kiss his girl goodbye, when the
train went ahead so rapidly that he kissed
an old African female at the next station.
Cape Breton Express.
At the entrance Of restaurant in Pesth,
where young ladies are employed to stand
and wait, Is posted a notice reading: "Gen.
tlemen are requested 10 abstain from kiss.
ing the mattresses on the stairs, as this is
o fruitful source OF breakage, and impedeG
the service" Human nature being the
same the world over, the placard calls in
q great many customers who are anxious
To see the girls whom they are enjoined
not to kiss on the stairs.
"No man shall ever kiss me except my
future husband" she said, as he was about
leaving her at the gate. Suppose l agree
to be your future "Why, then, I'll
kiss you" she replied eagerly, and she
did. Her mother was informed that he
had proposed, and the old lady called
round the next day to fasten matters, and
before he knewith he was eternally booked.
II was a mean advantage, but a bird In
lin the hand is worth two on the front
gate.-BinghaMlon Republican.
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