The Cecil Whig., 1879-04-12
WHJES: WISE HND WIWWY.

The kangaroo enjoys beautiful spring
Did you ever observe an inilstaiul up
for its writer:
In the Winter the cats i.urr; in the
Summer he larkSpur.
Essays on the sun and moon come under
the head ot light literature.
A merchant can get along without
advertising; so can a wagon without grease,
but it goes hard aud soon wears out
Your professional pedestrian may be
said to be a man who profits by his extremi-
ties.
Why is 4 merchant who does a strictly
cash business never at rest? Because his
work is never dun.
When oil Faust signed the contract
with MeIhistophees in his blood, he wrote
i'll his best vein, so to speak.
The woman who is ambitions to make
the bosoms of her husbands shirts shine
resplendently must have an iron will.
douglas .Ierrold, on bcin. told that
punning was the lowest form of wit, re-
piled that it was therefore the foundation of
all wit.
A Connecticut man recently said Lend
me Il dollar. My wife has left me, and l
want to advertise that am not responsible
for her debts.
In answer to Shallespcare's conundrum,
What's in name" the Syracuse Times
say that if it is a Russian generals name
the entire alphabet is in it,
Two women Of Waterfowl air, going to
have 4 talking match fnt the championship,
and cigmec,l hundred of the Ewenty-three
hundred inhabitants of the place have al
ready purchased tickets for the West.
"A very rious old gentleman i'll Eastern
Maine died recently, and left :. large estate
to a missionary society. He also left the i'll
trrest of 81, 900 to his only sister to aid her
in paying her board al the alnshousc.-
Noble old man.
-. The foolish man. fruthfully remark
eth an exchange, fol,lcth his hands, and
saith: There is no trade; why should | ad-
vcrtiSe?' But the wise man is not SO. He
whoopeth it up in the newspapers. and ver-
lily he draweth customers from afar off
The other day. As ;Np friends We're talk
ing together in the street Il donkey began to
bray and whpeZr and cough in Il distressing
manner What 4 cold that donkey has"
said one of the men. ''.And, by the way,
tbrt plts I,,;pti--- -b,NX CON ri, -
"A gentleman addresses another gentle
man, whom he doesn't know, at Il party:
''This affair is awtnily stupid: lets 20 out,
and take a drink 81 would like to do il, y
was the reply, ''hut can't leave very well. -
''Why not - why, you see. | mn the
one who is giving the party
Practical Yankee: '.Wcll, yes, sir l
But he didn't kinder seem to put it to I,
practical Use Never benefited civilization
with Il washing machine, nor u patent
turnip-peeler, nor anything Of that sort.
Still. he was Il smart kind of Il man"
The pleasue OF going shopping with
your wife is i,ur enhanced when you are
| obliged to stand like Il craven image for
| three mortal hours till she comes ight
| back meanwhile every clerk in the store
looks at You as suSpiciously as if you were
Il Shoplifter waiting for a good chance to op,
perate.
A certain lawyer Was compelled to apol'
! og;;77c 10 tie Court. With stately dignity ht
rose in his place aud said: Your Honor is
| right and | am wrong Your Honor gen
orally is" There was Il dazed look in the
Judges eye, and he hardly knew whether
to feel happy nr fine the lawyer for contcmn'
Of the court.
-"Gooi m2rni4s Ar, smith,. on the Sicl
/ list to-'lay:o'' fes, sir; got the ague.
DO you ever shake" ''Ycs." ''Whel
,lo You shake again" p" Can't say when
shake. every day. Why do you ask -
"nh, nothing in particular, only thought
if You s!iuns. bad, I'd like to stand by ant
see if you could not shake the fifteen dollar.
out of your pocket which You have owe,
me ST. long