River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1879-04-24
Connubialities.
BEFORE AND AFTER.

Fed by the gods, on nectar still,
Oh, bliss! To pay no grocer's bill
We two were wed, and then found
In No. SIS she walked the ground,
And If the gods had fed before,
They never fed her any more.
The elephant allows his wife to carry
but one trunk.
Jumping the rope by the little girls is
other harblnger spring.
How to get nd of an importunate low.
eI-make him good husband.
Mr.. and Mrs. C. s. Hall recently sent
out cards for the fifty fourth anniversary
of their marriage.
The woman whose husband refused
her a chip bonnet when she sxed him
says he is blockhead.
The most useful pedestrian is the man
who walks the floor nights with the ba-
by.-Neao York Herald.
The mothers heart swells with pride
when her baby begins to pedestrianize at
at the age of nine months.
"Plural Marriage''is the term applied
TO Mormon matrimony. 1t Is a singular
| thing Hertden fftc0Taer.
| Admiral Dot wants to marry. Judg-
Jag from his name, his wife will be the
girl CT the period Chicago Tribune.
Conclusive evidence at recent trial
in England proved that girl had become
mother at the age of l2 years and one
month.
Why was the m other of one of the old
Peruvian rulers like piece of rubberg
She was an inca raiser.-B Boston Tran
script.
Can clergyman marry himselfl' asks
an exchange. We suppose he can, but
we are afraid he would not be happy
couple.
Some say that the quickest way to de-
stroy weeds is to marry widow. 1t is,
no doubt, most agreeable species of
husbandry.-Turner's Falls Gazette.
Suppose that baby-carts do iDiure the
baby's health. Doesn't the baby have
his revenge when night comes and the
paregoric is downstairs Detroit Free
Press.
"Have you the song, 'Saccharine Flu.
turityg'" asked girl of the music clerk.
ave have" he answered, as with pleas
ant smile he rolled up a copy of The
Sweet By -and-by."
When lady by accident discovers that
her photographer has put her picture in
his showcase. she goes home and makes
a terrible time over it, but doesn't order
it to be taken out.
An exchange asks: "What is nicer to
hold than pretty womans hand" A
pretty woman, If that is not the answer,
we give it up. That suits us we'll
enough Stillocater Lumbe,man.
In an odd st. Cl1ud Mimi wedding
the groom could not speak or under
stand word of German, while the bride
was German who could not speak or
understand a word of English.
After the marriage ceremony was over,
Margaret turned lovingly TO him, and
said: "Connaught part thee and me-"
And the duke replied that he'd blarst is
bloody h'eyes hif b. anything should
come between 'em.
Many of the weddings of the Easter
holidays will be conducted in the Eng
lish style, and consequently eligible best
men are in great demand, while milliners
are exercising wonderful ingenuity IN
manufacturing dainty Donnets for the
bridesmaids Graphic.
A New York insurance man calls his
wife Honesty, because It's the best poll
cy.-Neao York Herald A Cincinnati
horse man calls his wife Gray mare, be-
cause she's the better horse, and st.
Louis bar keeper calls his wife Wine, be-
cause she maketh glad the heart of man.
Margarita, the young queen of Italy,
when she goes to a ball takes good care
to enjoy herself. She not only dances,
but remains until three in the morning,
while his majesty, King Umberto. goes
home and TO bed as early as one o'clock,
leaving her to her pleasure.
"But you know, pa" said the farmers
daughter, when he spoke to her about the
addresses of his neighbours son, you
know, pa, thai ma wants me to marry a
man of culture $50 do /, my dear-so
do | and there's no better culture in the
country than agriculture"
Mrs. s. S. Cox is capital business
woman and relieves her husband of a
mass of correspondence, which would
otherwise demand a large portion of his
time. There are many women in Wash
ington whose amiability, good sense and
tact are of the greatest value to their con-
gressional and domestic lords.
Mrs. Martha Raynor of Brooklyn testi-
fed in court on Wednesday that she was
in the habit of hiring out her husband IS
a carver at weddings, dinner parties, &c.
She was asked by the judge il she
thought she bad right to do SO, and re-
piled: "Cert inly, | have the right to hire
him out. Haven't supporte him for
four or five yearsl"
A lady who is no longer in the first
blush of youth is summoned as a witness
in come suit The Judge: "How old
are you, madam She (hesitatingly):
Thirty nine The judge lin the most
benevolent tone, after having contem
plated her an Instant: "Thirtv nine9
Come, madam, have courage. Go on and
finish it
Husband, do call at the doctors on
your way down town, and tell hin to
come up here as soon as he can. Johnny
has hurt his toe so badly that he cannot
go to school; George bas sprained his
ankle; this morning I found that Will
liams both legs were dreadfullY swelled,
and little Tom has his feet blistered.
It's too bad for anything! / wish this
walking fever was over
Before marriage-.-"Oh, my darling,
your voice is as musical to me as a vesper
bell whose tones fall softly on the per-
fumed evening air Speak again, and
say those words, my beloved, for could
listen TO your voice until the stars arc ex
tinguished in everlasting nieht!' After
marriage. live had JUST enough of your
clapper, old woman, and if you don't let
up III leave the house r"-Ne'cark Gazette.
No one ever succeeded in extracting
honey from spelling bee. Didn't ehl
A young man who attended a spelling
bee ID this town three years ago took
therefrom young lady whom he recent
lv married, and ne calls her ''honey" for
short, and thinks she is ten times sweeter
than that saccharine product of the bee.