The Grant County herald. (Big Stone City, Grant County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1883, 1879-10-18

prlsoned by mistake. He felt on coming
| out as though he had just been entertained
| at fashionable church sociabe.
Speak gently, speak gently no matter
how much bigger and how much broader
| across the shoulders than yourself another
| man is, nor how cross he looks, speak
gently. The bigger and broader and eros
ser, the gentler.
Customer: What did you think Of
the bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr..
WigsbyG. HairAEesser: "Well, really,
sir, there was a sittin' in front O
me as 'ad is air eted that crooked
that couldn't ear Word"
A colored man observed, while IN CON
versation with a triend,ss'I dusn't b'leye
| in having pardcner Whep you've on'y
got small business. make emmy
| thing, why, yer don't q and if yer
| lose, yer have to lose 1t AN
"Aw, it is not to be worU 0fed at re-
| marked Mr.. Toplofty, as he adjusted his
eye-g glasses, 'sea- bathing has grown un-
popular, because you see. aw, the vulgah
herd took to the watah, and it has be-
come vewy much soiled.
A man may 60 fishing and catch a
handsome string of fish, and lose them
| out of the back of the wagon coming
home, or have them grabbed by the dog
at the house where he left his team, but
he can never tell the story and ave it
believed.
The following advertisement appeared
in the Rochester (England) Observer OF
June 26: "On sale, a set OF teeth, the
| owner having no use for them, having
| nothing to chew on account OF hard times.
Apply Burgess street. Freehold 971*.'
An uptown man when asked last even
ing if he was a member of certain
church, replied "Well, ! dunno; b'licye
am sort Of an honorary member of
something. Anyhow, when they have 4
donation always send something along"
AS a party OF gentlemen and ladies
| were climbing to the top ola high church
tower one hot day, Il gentleman remarked !.
| This is rather a spiral flight Of steps, !"
To which 4 lady reioined. Yes, pcrspi-
spoke.
Tho pccuhar.is II tle hv Is that he al
| ways returns T. tic same spot: but it is
the characteristic 81 the mosquito that he
| always returns to another spot Thus he
| dliiels from the leopard. which does not
change his spots. This is an important
fact in natural history.
Class m the agneuiuui colle.r.-Pro-
| tessor:: l. there any way II obtain good
fruit without grating or budding Stu
dent Yes sir. Professor: PLEASE ex-
! FI. : 4al.
chance, and when the farmer goes te
dinner craw over into the orchar, and
| steai IT.
| Julius, yo young "aglam. nez yer
| bin ter chu'ch dis mornin'9i Deed |
haz ole man 7 ',Who preach" Z" DE par
son, specs. You am spicy, young 'un
but does ye, member wha' dc parson
sedl" "Sartin does, member he sed
dar'd be a k'lecshun TUX up, an dat
scar'd me- an ] skup out to borv a
| loan.
! A little religion is i dangerous thing.
| That is well illustrated in the case Of the
fire eating Viroinian, who, while return
ing from camp meeting, held out his
hand to an old enemy. and exclaimed I:
| Give me your hand, Sanders; I've got
| religion, and feel mean enough to shake
| hands with a dog
4 gentleman from the provinces went
into the shop OF a Partisan tailor to order
some clothes. While his measures were
| being taken. he said to the sartorlal Ans
| tarchus. you must find that am very
badly dressed. "Oh, no., replied the
artist. ''vou are not dressed at all: you
are simply covered >
A North Carolina man committed sui
eide the other day His ncighbors had
been trying to kill him for upwards OF
four wears, and had fired altogether over
a hundred shots at him He left note
saving he had rather die than .slive in a
community of such cursed poor marks
men,
People have already ceased to wonder
at the telephone, the phonograph has
become an old thing, and what the pub
lie demand Of Mr. Edison is machine
that will stand at the kitchen door and
knock the head off the first tramp that
asked for d lemen ice and two kinds of
cake.
Nothing is SO painful at this season OF
the wear as the disheartening spectacle
OF nine-year old hen looking through
the fence at man digging a garden,
while she exercises her rugged legs and
incisive claws on the plank walk, just
keeping in practice uutil the garden is
ready.
A South American plant has just been
found that cures bashfuIness. 1t should
be promptly tried on the man who leaves
the hotel by the back window because he
is too diffident to say goodbye to the
cashier and clerk.
There is a touch OF romance about the