South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1879-01-31

Neo'So vi huDot . h'itotLeos. w ucD
! am marrying young couples gener-
ally tell tic young lady TO lie; her hus-
band be the head, for that is according
to Scripture and to Dature but l always
advise her to be the neck, and twist him
round which way she likes
The devil runs an immense manufac-
tory OF excuses. They are Of all sizes
and shapes, suited to every possible oc-
casion. and such is the demand for
them that it is impossible TO overstock
the market.
A REvoLUTEoS Manufacturing
slavery owned one of the blacklist as
we'll rs neanest negro men in South
Arkansas. lie was known in the neigh
borhood as Crow Sam. / used TO thrash
Sam about twice week. Steal! he'd
steal from himself and then deny it
Well, when the war come on, he was
one OF the first TO turn against me. lie
went into the army and served till the
surrender. After peace was made /
moved over into an adjoining county
and went 10 work, trying TO repair my
broken. fortune. One day negro that
l had working for me knocked down
one Of my horses, which so enraged me
that struck him several times with my
cane. lie went away and returned with
n constable, who summoned me to APP
pear next day before magistrate. OH
GERS were not quite so numerous then as
now, and the magistrates Office was sew.
eral miles away. well. sir, when got
there who should I see on the bench but
old Crow Sam. He was fat and greasy
and had on an enormous pair Of specta-
Giles. When everything had been mad.
ready court was opened, and old Sam,
giving me searching look, remarked:
Pears that I've seed you afore
Look here, SAM" | said. Il don't
like to be mixed up this way. Try TO
settle this affair without malice"
"De law is gwine to hab its dil OK
course" said Sam. Things hab kinder
changed since we was i'm business toge.
Their, but de rnciple ob de nigger havn't
revoluted. Dis Niger is as big a ras.
cal as used to be, so Mars John III
discharge you, flinging de black ape in
dc COST rrespondence Little Rock
(Ark) Gozette.
spell love- said a young man to
his girl one night. YOU" she timid.
ly essayed. The courtship had been n
protracted one, but they are married
now.
lrate passenger to cabman. who gets
oil his box anil opens the carriage door:
Il told you | lived at the top of the hill,
not at the bottom, you blunderhead."
Cabby: whist, your honor, whist I'll
merely slam the door and the baste'n
think your out, and go up the hill like
the diyil."
WHY TIE STRANGER ASKED HEN
HoIIs.-In the lirst-class carriage by
the o'clock train from Euston square
sat two gentlemen, up to that time and
probably since, strangers TO each other.
The elder lived near Crewe, the Younger.
en- route for Ireland, intended TO sleep
at Chester. The conversation between
them grew animated, Saith the elder
presently. Give up your idea of sleep
ing at Chester, and do me the honor Of
passing the night at my house" The
offer was accepted with grateful efus ion.
On leaving in tie morning. said the
guest, Answer my question frankly.
What induced you, on such an INSULT
cient acquaintance, TO confer so great n
benefit on mc?" Replied the host: "As
you press me, your question shall be
frankly answered. Ny wife always tells
me that ] am the ugliest man in Great
britain | wished to show her that there
was m uglier.' London Worll.
TOO many presents OF one kind"
murmured the man when his vile pre-.
scented him with twins on Christmas
morning.-PhHu. Chron.
"RsINs."-A eolorcd woman dropped
into Centre street store the other day,
and said 10 the proprietor:
Honey, hab you any risins?"
The proprietor scratched the cutane
Gus tissue of his Uranium for an instant
which had the effect of producing q
bright thought, and Inc answered:
"Rising, yes, ma'am, we have severa
kinds Of rising Here's a bottle of Doc
iey's, and here's % can Of -."