The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1879-10-04
ALL SCR rs.
\ famous Judge came late to court
One day in busy season:
Whereof his clerk, in great surprise,
Inquired of him the reason.
"A enid was born" his Honor said,
"And I'm the happy sire"
hu infant 3ONSC- Ohs NO. cGAO nc.
''As yet he's but crier."

Whereof his clerk, in great surprise,
Inquired of him the reason.
"A enid was born, his Honor said,
''And I'm the happy sire.''
IAN infant iudge?" "Oh. no. said he.
LAS yet he's but a crier.'
Papa, they don't have any stone in Ire
land, do they ?" asked a little Bank street
boy the other day. Yes, my boy; but
why do you ask such a question:" Be
cause, papa, thought it was all shamrock
over there.
What's peaches?" asked lady of a
farmer at West Side Market yesterday
morning Fruit be promptly answer.
ed. But it wasn't so funny when she as
promptly jammed his hat down over his
ears with her basket, Knocked his dog into
the gutter with her parasol, kicked over
his stand, called him a good for nothing
mean thing, and walked over to his rival
in business and made her purchase. Aud
yet, he said, he told nothing but the truth.
Raleigh iSeRtiaeL,
He was an actor whom his fellow come
dams made the butt of their pleasantries.
Finally, the other evening, they carried
their prosecutions too far, aud, with noble
rage, he cried;
Gentlemen, this has got to stop; this
thing has gone too far. l will allow no one
to take such liberties with me. Here /
have been playing comic parts for the last
thirty years, and no one has ever dared to
laugh at my acting, and / won't stand it
from you-there! Paris Globe.
During the cyclone which some years
ago swept over Jasper county, Ca, a
planters house, barns, stables. mules, and
cattle were whisked away into pieces and
turned upside down, aud when The wind
had died away he sent his old servant Joe
out to survey the result Joe went mile
or two 10 each direction, and found that
the country had been actually devastated.
SO he came back and reported: Ole mas
ter, de only consolation | can give you is
dat it pears to be very general thing,
sah!''
The st. Gothard Tunnel is now within
1000 yards of completion. Much of the
traffic that used the Mount Cenis Tunnel
will prefer this shorter and more direct
route. A third tunnel the SimploH one,
viii soon be under way, and. when compile
ted. will finish the straight line OF railway
extending from Paris to Brindisi. by way
of Lausande, the Simplon, and Milan,
thus doing away with the immense angle
described by the Mount Gents route The
Simpiou Tunnel will be about eleven miles
long, and will cost about Sl6,000.00O.
He is very small boy, just beyond the
limits of babyhood. His precociousness is
we'll recognized by those who know him,
and sometimes people try to corner him in
logical way. The other day some took
him up and asked him if he wasn't papa's
boy. He answered, Yes" And are
you mama's boy, too?" Yes" replied
Charley. Well. how can you be papa's
boy and mama's boy both at the same
timer" ''Oh." replied Charley, indiffer-
emily. cant wagon have two horses p
Providence Journal
A Berlin genius i.as Invented az instruc-
ment for turning over the leaves of music.
The Berlin man is a presumptuous med
dler. Ii his machine should come into
general use what disposition could be made
of the average young man IN high shirt
collar aud hair parted in the middle, who,
at evening social gatherings, stands up at
the end of the piano and turns oyer the
music for the lady performer2 He ap-
pears for no other parpose under the sun
--or moon-Norristoaon Herald
"Seei" said arsverend gentle man. there
Is an illustration. At one time [ should
have sworn awfuIly at this fly-but LOOK
now Raising bis hand, he said. gently.
go away, fg. go away" But the fy
only tiokied his nose the more. The
reverend gentleman, raising his hand with
some vehemence. made grab at the Of
fender, and, being successful, opened il to
throw the insect from him, when. in
extreme disgust, he exclaimed, why.
d-n It, it's waspl'-Irrsverea Ec-
ehange.
Emerson was TO lecture on aMemorvn
once at the Old South Church. Boston
He vas late, and the audience were wait
ing. The committee found him in the |
ante-room clutchiDg wildly at hissflowing
hair, muetering incoherently to himseIf |
He said to them: Il have forgotten Ito
change my clothes. and am dressed in INV
old garden outfit; have forgotten TO put
on . eiean shirt, and behold this gingham