The Princeton union., 1879-02-26
Wit and HulnOr.

The Older the seeds, the more perfect
the lady slippers will be. And the older
/ the banana peel, the less graceful and the
more perfect will be the gentleman slip
pers.
If you were to offer $4,000 for a sew
ing machine that didn't take the "first
premium" at the Paris exposition, we
don't suppose you could get one.-No7ris-
toaon Herald. r~I-.@ @.t
When man reaches the top of stair
way and attempts to make one more step
lgher the sensation Is as perplexing as
it he had attempted to kick a dog that
wasn't there.
The county fair orator who is not in
formed that his effort beat anything ever
attempted by Henry Clay will feel an
unsatis6ed longing, no matter how
promptly his pay is handed over.
The stranger who attends one of the
fashionable churches in Boston may get
his pocket picked, or may have his con-
science strongly awakened. The chances
seem to be about even
What's the use of sitting all day in a
boat holding a $40 fish-pole and line to
catch little half-pound fish, when a salt
mackerel weighing a pound can be
caught at any grocery store for six cents2
Whitehall Times.
Two stage robbers can halt stage
filled with 1ndian-f ghters,a all we'll armed,
and make the crowd shell out in the
most humble manner. What does it is
the fear on the part of the Indian-fghters
that some of them might get hurt.
/ h.. A.
formation that there are no reserved seats
in heaven. Mostpeople would Danish all
uneasiness on that account if they could
obtain standing room.-Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
Times are Changed indeed. A man
used to be able to pass himself off for a
genius by wearing spectacies and letting
his hair grow long, but that racket dom t
work now. The conditions of life are
growing harder for the poor man all the
time.
The country is necoming so crowded
with marksmen, athletics, swimmers and
oarsmen wearing medals on their breasts
that the ordinary man will soon have to
return to blue coats with brass buttons,
in order to keep from sinking into utter
insignifcance -PAizade phia Chronicle.
A Whitehall youngster had just been
he took against his will. wish old Mrs.
Lot had never looked back,'' he exclaim-
ed, making up wry faces. "Whys" asked
his mother. Because then there'd never
been any such thing as salt and sinner to
bother US little boys WITH" was his reply
The only Frenchman ever heard OF
who did funny thing at a duel was
Sainte Beuve, who, having to fight on a
very rainy morning, persisted in holding
an umbrella over his head with his left
hand. In vain did his seconds remon.
strate with him, and tell him such con-
duct was out of order. ~ don't mind
being shot, said the great critic, ''but
never came here to get wet, and he stood
his adversary's fire, with his umbrella
waving proudly over his head.-London
World.
A barefooted darkey, while hoeing cot
ton one day, saw his big toe under clot
, and thinking it mole's head, hit it ant
+ hurt himself. After working with it TO
while, he got tired, set his foot on
, stump, and said, "Well, jes pain ava,
,, now;l doesn't care; you hurts yesel
wussin ye do me!'
A lady sent for the Chief of Police tn
other day, and compl"ined to him tina
, her husband had in the most cruel man
ner kept her prisoner at home for tn
, last ten days.
"Ah," said the Chief, "does he lock tn
doors on you2"
"Certainly not"
"Does he have somebody to guard 20,
, and keep you from going outs"
mo, indeed-not he.''
"Well, does he-does he title you +
| any thing?"
: "No, sir-he dare not"
"Well, should say, madam, that
= pray excuse me-that you have about al
, the freedom you could want"
'Gracious heavensW exclaimed the la
, dy, with clenched fingers and fashin,
, eyes, "a horrid mouse tied to the top Q
the box with my Sunday bonnet in il
| and Won talk fo me- ahOnt all the frendon