Litchfield enquirer., 1879-03-13

A Connecticut man recently said: ''Lend me dollar My wife has left me, and l want to advertise that am not responsible for her | debts"
 | Bishop Corrigan says there shall be but twelve carriages to funeral. Thus the funer- al business is being gradually shorn of it's charms < % R tF
 I It is Western man who believes that good many ministers will not go to heaven un- less the other place is provided with, good fire escape +-5t f-.t { -- J Even the cannibals refuse to have more than | fifteen Chinamen shipwrecked on their shores from one and the same vessel.
 Roaring fun from the London Fun:- "When man nlarries devil of temper, may he be said to have made lucifer match?"
 Mrs. Hayes told a lady who threatened to at- tend Presidential reception in low neck dress that shawl would be thrown over her | shoulder. .. / /. +s'i' London World has little faith in the religion of men who, condemned to be hanged for monstrous crimes, talk as if they were the pets of a prospective paradise.
 ''George, dear, dent you think it's rather extrayagant of you to eat butter with that de- licious jam ?" ''No, love, economical; same piece of bread does for both" ~.r. ,~-~
 Irish Car Driver (talking to the new agent about the violent death of the last one )-"Be- gorra, the wonder is he wasn't shot long be- fore; but shure, they say, what's iverybody's business is nobody's business" - ..
 A Vermont woman has sold her year old daughter fer twenty-five dollars. A pretty high price, considering that daughters Of eighteen years and upwards are 80 often given away rNaw EvwHWhg@w
 ''Nature is full of poetry" exclaims an en- thusiastic magaZine-writer. This reminds Brother Eidielberger that there is close re- semblance between nature and his waste paper basket. .,,,r ---r.,- r,r
 The foolish man foldeth his hands, and saith :: I''There is notrade, why should 1 ad- vertise ?" But the wise man is not so. He whoopeth it up in the newspapers, and verify he draweth customers from afar off <fCg
 ''Sam," ;" said one little urchin to another ''Sam, does your schoolmaster ever give you any rewards of merit ?" ~-'I s'pose he does" was the reply: "he gives me lickin' reglar every day, and says merit two"
 A young man was. kicked off the frsnt doer step while endeavoring to serenade his girl, by her enraged papa, was too cautious to call him an old pirate, but he didn't hesitate to desig- nate him as free-booter.
 When poor clergyman is asked to accept a congregation with $5, 900 salary, he says he has ''calP' there, but when a rich pastor is called to a church with $500 year, he never ''sees" it if he 'stays"- where he is.
 Chicago Tribune :- 1.-The New York Her. aid declares that no lady should permit cler- gyman to kiss her any sooner than she would some other man. and the other man, agrees fully with the Herald"
 An uncertain looking man went into a Nor wich drug store and asked for bottle of ''an- archy" He was advised by the polite and innocent looking clerk to try nitro. glycerine, or, as last resort, the double-ripper. Then the stranger, after a moment of profound thought. looked up and said that he guessed that it was "arnachy" that he wanted.
 When woman spends three hours in hot kitchen, and roasts her brains out almost in preparing tempting and appetizing dinner for her husband, to which he sits down with out word of cemmendatiOn, and replies, when asked how he likes his dinner, 70, it will do," the tired out wife doesn't feel en- couraged to waste much time on his supper.
 There has been a remarkable case of con- stancy in England. A man who separated from his wife thirty-five years ago has just re- turned and offered to "kiss and make up." A few days prior to the offer the wife had in- herited large estate.
 The ceremony of baptism by immersion was celebrated in western Texas the other day, and when the fourteen candidates walked down to the water fifteen revolvers were deposited on the bank of the stream, that of the preacher making the fifteenth A "
 The Rev. Dr. Gillian, of St. Johns Church, Glasgow, and now minister of 1nchman, Rem frowshire, obtained his present living on the resignation of the Rev. Dr. Lockhart, who left a number of his sermons and other documents in an attic-room of the manse, intending to remove them subsequent to his return from continental tour He had occasion to commu- nicate with Dr. Gillian, and in the course of his letter he expressed hope that the manu- scripts were safe and free from damp. Dr. Gillian replied that ''all the papers were quite dry, especially the sermons" se Ga
 A teacher in one of the public schools of Massachusetts was startled the other day at the answer she got from one bright little fel- low. On the blackboard was the picture of an ostrich, and the teacher described it's strength and power of endurance. closing by saying it was the only bird upon which man could ride. "I know another" spoke up little chap. ssWell, what isit?" GA lark."s Un- suspectingly the teacher asked: "How can you prove that Johnny? P" "All 1 know about it," said the boy, "is that mother every little while says fathers off on a lark, and when he comes home he looksas if he had rode awful fast.'