The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-12-04
BRIC-1-BRiC.

-----$s>----
BRIC-A-BR4C
No one ever forged Horace Gree
lcys signature.
Kisses by telephone taste like q
boiled china egg OH toast.
lime is money we suppose, but it
never reduces the principal on bad
debt.
Tho only thing stiff about the COL
lars our washerwoman serves up is
the price.
"A new brand of cigars is called
"thc lottery ticket" because only one
III q thousand draws.
Keep your eve on Grant when he
visits this city. If nc passes his plate
tor third piece Of pic it means an en-
pirc.-E1.
The button on the back Of q mans
shirt collar probably needs talking TO
as much as any other inanimatc thing
in this world.
-Evcrything has recently advanced
Ill price, except liberty, which remains
at eternal vigilance with liberal rcduc-
ton to tho trade.
When man so far forgcts him.
self as to 60 q fishing on Sunday, we
lose all respect for him-unlcss he
divides.
-Scaroe do we bid adieu to ills
That mark the reign ofsummer,
Then premonitions bid ns grievo
Ihe stove nan and the plumber.
If Kaiser William isn't careful, his
son, tho crown prince, will soon be as
old rs he s,thc boy having reached his
torty-ninth year.
AT horticultural fancy ball" in
England q gentleman pcrsonatcd an
onion so naturally as to bring tears to
tho eyes of the company.
An association for the suppression
ofadulteration in food, clothing, wall
papers, and other articles Of daily use
has been formed in Chicago.
-"Wherc is the West? % asks the
l"esdytcrion. Oh. it's in the clothes
closet. Now, will you tell us where
arc the trousers? ?-X'Oheye.
An Albany paper says that the
people who take moonlight strolls on
RAJ lrnaT1 fracl-e chniildn't be of}rnln1
if tho coroner doesn't recognize them.
"A sailor being on trial for steal
ing a blue coat, his counsel argued
that it was plain case Of hallucina
ton, as his client evidently supposed
himself to be con the blue scizc.''
-"Kind oyster, Pvc important in
formation, sing hey, the bully bivalvc
that you arc; you now will make suc-
culcnt collation., sing hey, tho merry
oyster and the r."
Minnie c.. Ballard, in tender w.
ric just published, inquiries of whom it
may concern:
Would yon love me ns we'll, truo. heart,
Had fmce less fair2
"A Mrs. Garrison saws she wonders
how any woman can kiss q tobacco
chcWcr. While she is wondering, the
other girls arc going right on with the
kissing, and sccm to like it, too.
The Pittsburg Dispatch says that
George Washington never sat in q
friends Office with his feet on the win
dow,sill whistling "Grandfuther's
Clock" against the edge of a card.
Campaign Charley, of Ohio, will
never get done being glad he was elect
ed. lie is still prancing around look
ing as proud as tin horse hitchcd to
red express wagon.
NO matter how indulgcnt q man
be, no matter how sweet q disposition
ne may have, he will feel considerably
put out, If not totally wild when he dis
covers that his wife has been driving
nails i'll the wall with his razor-strop.
An article is going the rounds
treating on the best methods of putting
away potatoes. A family Of about
eight, including threo boys and three
girls, can put away potatoes about as
successfully as is necessary.
"A rather eccentric man ALWAYS
says, when he secs q farmer going to
town with load Of produce with
woman sitting on top Of it: "That
loads got a mortgage on it," Meaning
the woman will trade it out. o
We dislike to say unpleasant
things, Minnie, but the chances arc
that We wouldn't. Plain words arc
best, and so sometimes are women, but
We repeat that the chances are that hc
wouldn't unless in all probability YOU
had a back house and $4,000.
---"I was at church to-day, and en-
joycd it greatly" "Ah," said his
pious landlady, "I am glad of that.
didn't SEQ you though; on which side
did you sitr" "Allem-yes--ahcm
stammered the disconnected Jones. "I
sat OIL the--outside."
Scene a Swiss hotel parlor. Dra-
mats pcrson@-English lady and her
daughter, tho latter in mountain cos
tune. American lady OH the sofa.
English lady Coq)--"Don't laugh so
loud, Mary; you'll bo takon for an
American" American lady (sotto
voice)-"Quite impossible. Look at
hcr feet"
"A cenfcctioner advcrtises "Eiftccn
kisses for ten CENTS" Too dear. In
these days of returning prosperity q
young man can got moro thana q hum
dred kisses by simply carrying her a
pint Of peanuts on Snndov oyon;,,..