The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1879-08-15
THE MAN WHO "HADN.T TINE. !,
Illustrative Of Great Many Men.


cnts we're produced on this soil. Whether
he had more remote parents Bangs had
never had time to ascertain.
He entered this world on business, and
meant 70 make the most Of bis term.
Ready for college on his twelfth year,
he charged through that institution like a
mad bull, carrying the honors or his
horns.
Bangs had made up his mind what
line Of business he would pursue, in that
early period circumstances obliged him
to waste II his mothers lap. So he
made q flying trip through the States,
gathering force as he went, and landed
plump ii an editorial chair, where he
began I'd scribble before his coat skirts
fell froa the breeze. "Life is short"
sad Bangs "have no time TO waste in
tonfooIery Of any sort. Business is the
mrd"
1t is historical fact that Bangs mar
ricl. Whether he caught his bride "on
the fg,f or took her in q business way
as parapay for his paper, from some
overlooked papa, ask me not. He certain
ly nevesMasted any time in courting. ]
cannot imagine Bangs lingering under
window touching a light guitar. can
not imagine love letters written by light
ming. cannot quite see him in my
minds eye with one leg bent in suppl
cation and the other rushing off for a
marriage license.
Let us merely state the case at it ap-
peared, Yesterday there was no Mrs.
Bangs. To-day, presto, Mrs. Bangs there
is. She must have been an amiable
woman-though Bangs never had time
to ascertain whether she was Or not-for
she offered no opposition to that electric
fluid, Bangs and she made an excellent
mother for his little kilograms. The only
drawback to their felicity was that Bangs
saw so little Of his family, he had occa-
sionally to seek fresh Introduction.
1t was beautiful and instructive sight
to see basgs in his office. Bristling with
quills, he suavly entertained a caller
scratched leader with his right hand,
and squibs on his brother editors with his
left simultaneously and at the same
time' scanning his favorite politicians
speech and stamping applause with one
foot while he dismissed bad typo with
the other.
He went through his morning mail like
q buz saw. Z.z.z.zizzIeI A cloud Of let
ters and anyelopes-stamps settling On
replies like swallows on barn-it was
disposed Of He would peruse Mrs.
X. US effusion on tHe "Matrimonial
Martyr, wnose broom was sweeping her
to her toonh. Who called all the women
in the land against that tyrant, MAN, to
stand until his buttonless wristband wave
in melancholy DER her grave! And /
with his oaier eye Bangs would devour
the Hon. III. C.'s letter relating to some /
public movement, while IN the
same breath he would yell, "Contound
that woman | / wish her husband would |
kill horI'' and chuckle. Zine, sir, very
fine ~
Indeed, saving time became somewhat
Of a hobby with Bangs. He never went
to church without wanting to poke the
minister and whip up the choir. When
he went home to dinner he always re-
GREETED that be wasn't coming back at the
same time. At the table he took his
first course at one mouthfuI, his second
at the next, dessert in one cheek and
coffee in Me other, and then bolted Tor
the street door like Phetsn, leaving .
milky wave Of napkins behind him.
No LIVING bore, not even life in
surance SCENTS with what pleasure
write that, since one Of those wretches
comes dunning me for my premium
this night not even his mother-in-law,
ever laid possessing hands on minute Of
Bangs tiat5. No train kept him waiting
for if be wasn't put through on time by
rail, he got himself sent By telegraph.
When Bangs had to attend party, he
made compliments and pumped "locals,
with the same breath. He once saved
time amazingly ia his own family by
bqryinQ three children at once;
Ng had 50 well invested his
days mat pablic emoluments and piums
generally v3re coming to his hand his
future looked rich, and bis time more
precious than ever when Old Time him.
selfturned III his young rival. He saw
Bangs outstFipping him. Old Time said
10 himself ] Now here's Q fellow-looks
very nearly ii old as ] do. If he lives to
be three.scote, he'll look like my grand
father and 4e'll be wanting more days
and nights taan I can furnish. This will
never do n said Old Time. So be spled
out Bangs weak places and dealt him
some sharp blows.
Ramos i IN His bed and dictated to