Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1879-07-20

dA dItACk upon travelling SdlcSludn, au
Englishman, telling him that our folks
could click" his folks, easy. "Ah, yes,
said the Englishman, ssbut how was it at
the battle of Long Island Brooklyn
Heights how was it there?" ssOb,< yes,
! remember that now you speak of it."
replied the schoolmaster. ssThat WASN'T
ofaccount. Somehow, onr folks didn't
appear to take no sort of interest in that
scrimmager" A boy who was too lazy
to work on a farm was asked by his faith
er what kind Of business he would like
to go into. The boys said he thought he
would like to go into counting room in
Boston, for he thought it would take
a long time to find him
a place, and, meanwhile, he
could remain idle. So they sent for the
schoolmaster to see what the hoy knew
about arithmetic. "Tell me-" said the
schoOlmaster chow much would 8 1-2
pounds of beef cost at 8 1-2 cents a
pound?" ss,That's hard one to do" said
the boy, 'wlth..two halves in 1t. Couldn't
you make one of 'em a t,n?" Every
WE'LL" said the schoolmaster; 'then tell
us what ten pounds of beef would cost
at 1-2 cents pound?" The boy was in
a quandary. He had no idea of the null
DUPLICATION table, but he was a Yankee
boy and he got out Of the scrape. Seven
cents and half pound,'' said he;
"pshaw! that's nonsense You can't buy
no kind of beef for 1-2 cents alpound. .
Another Yankee boy invented y flying
machine, but kept everything secret, and
sprang from the caves of his fathers barn
with the machine and nearly broke his
neck. Looking up he saw his brother
Bill looking out of one of the barn win
dows, and Bill asked him: elbow do you
like flynn Tom?" He had his wits about
him, and instantly replied: "Oh, fyin's
we'll enough; they amt no trouble about
flynn; lightin's the pint"
An old man in Massachusetts town,
an old farmer from the North Parish, en-
tered the village bar-room one evening.
"Oh,'' said he, "you'd outer been over to
our place this mornin, Pettengill's barn
was burnt down fatter'n Jerusalem. .
He was asked by dozen voices how it
happened. "Well, you see," said he,
"Pettengill was away, and Zeke the
Irishman, he went out to shoot one of
them brown owls that come around in
the daytime. The wadding set fire to
the hay, and the whole things burnt up,
and no insurance on it. Pettengill's
most crazy about it." [Silence in the
bar-room for several minutes perhaps out
of sympathy for Pet,engrll. Then an
old fellow inquired with eagerness
"Well, did he kill the owl 2" There is
very little sentiment in the mind of the
true Yankee countryman. His utteran-
ces are sometimes solid to a ludricious
degree. A father said to an old acquain-
lance who came to condole with him on
tina unmanageableness of his two sons
who had committed a burglary in the
next town, and had both been sentenced
to prison: "It is pretty rough on me to
have them both 60 to onct, but there is
one thing to it-when it comes night
now you know where them boys be-"
During the voyage home
of several New England farmers
from the Paris exposition, a scotch
man used to air his knowledge every day.
Talking one day about the ravages Of
blackbirds and crows in the cornfelds,
the Scotchman asked why they did not
dress a bale of straw up like man to
brighten them away. SWELL" said one
of the farmers, ''that is ingenious, but it's
nothing compared with the article I've
been over to Paris to get patents on.
Did you ever here of Gen. Leonidas
Brownlow's double back-action, anti
friction, rear-propeller crow-scarer?
Goodness, no." the Scotchman replied,
81 never heard of it. What is that9
"Why," said the farmer, tits such an
efficient machine that when the crows
and blackbirds see it work they not only
get away as quick, but it scares them so
that they hurry to bring back what
they've stolen before!" A we'll known
public man in Main, some twenty-five
years ago used to tell this story: He
found one time, that he had two or three
days to spare, and inquired of the hotel
clerk where he could find some shooting.
A country man stood near by said he
sought to go out on the Scarborough road
about six miles over the bridge, and he'd
find pair of bars on the left-hand side.
Put the bars up again, because the
critters might get out, then
go up the hill, and that will
bring you out right by the old Squire
Risley's barn, and like enough he'll be
around there himself; he's most ALWAYS
around" II dou't know Squire Risley,''
said the stranger, land don't know his
barn from any other barn. 'sOh,'' re-
piled the countryman, syou'll know him
the minute you set eyes on him. Every
body knows him. He'll have ON nankeen
trowsers at this time of the season of the
year. His wife makes them for him, out
of a piece he took for bad debt. And
when you see him once you know him,
for he's pleats all over-that's the way
his wife makes them. He's like the
morning sun-all rays
In a Vermont village tall and awk-
ward beau called to see his young lady,
and found her engaged with other com
pany. To set, matters right he gave them
riddle. 'sThere was two boys playin
on the sidewalk, and man asked them
whether, they were any relation. The boy
replied: "Sir, that boys mother and mine
was twin sisters, and yet we amt cous.
ms" The girls guessed at it for half an
hour and gave it up. SIS there any sol,l-
ton to it, Mr.. BROWNE one Of the girls
asked. ooh, yes" he replied, 'sit's easy
explained - that boy Lied. "ARTHuB
GILLIAN in Commonwealth.
j, A Broken Heart.
Miss Prince was the only daughter Of
a Pittsburg merchant, and two years age
was welded to Mr.. Savage, Of Baltimore
Six hours after the ceremony the train
rnnr xuhinh thor had n4o.Anl -. Il q.