Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1879-03-20


The man who has fellow feeling-the
blind man.
Don't get in debt to a shoemaker, if
you would call your sole your own.
The man who sighed for the wings of a
dove probably did not know that the legs
were much better eating.
A Sunday-school boy, on being asked
what made the Tower of Pisa lean replied,
Because of the famine in the land.''
Lawyers are never more earnest than
when they work with will-that is, if
the estate is valuable.
In Michigan etiquette permits bride to
be married without gloves-precisely the
way she handles her husband.
Once they started girls seminary in
Utah. 1t fiourished we'll; but, just in the
height of its prosperity, the principal
eloped with the whole school.
An illiterate farmer wishing to enter
some animals at an agricultural exhibi-
ton wrote as follows to the secretary of
the society: Center me also for jack
ass" And he took the prize.
A Nevada Girls Love-Letter-'eDear
Jimmy: It's all up. We amt going to
get married. Ma says you're too rough,
and guess she's right. 1 am so sorry
but can't you go to Europe and get fled
down ?''
The inhabitants of Madagascar are dy-
ing to get hold of an American ship-cap-
tain who has sold them ten thousand quart
cans of tomatoes as new kind of gum
powder Their old blunderbusses wouldn't
go off.
ssI never thought but once,'' said old
Deacon Webbing, ssthat it was sin to
steal an umbrella" "And when was
that?'' asked friend. cit was. when
some pesky thief stole my new silk one,,
answered the deacon.
A witty lady was once told by gentle
man of her acquaintance that she must
have been born with silver spoon in his
+ MOUTH She looked at him carefully,
and, upon realizing the size of his mouth,
replied: 81 don't doubt it; but it must
have been a soup-ladle.''
Practical Yankee: 'eWelI, yes, sir. L
give in to you. Shakespeare was a genius.
But he didn't kinder seem to put it to a
/ practical use. Never benefited civilization
with washing-machine, nor a patent
turnip-peeler, nor anything of that SORT
Still, he was smart man,
A little girl, visiting neighbor with
her mother, was gazing curiously at the
+ hostess's new bonnet, when the owner
o queried, "Do you like it, Laura" The
n innocent replied: EeWhy, mother said it
I was perfect fright; but it don't scare
g me-" Laura's mother didn't stay long
II after that.
8 In primary school not long ago the
S teacher undertook to convey to her pupils
an idea of the uses of the hyphen. ShC
wrote on the blackboard "Bird's-nests, ,
and pointing to the hyphen asked thc
school, esWhat is that for? ?" After a shor
d pause little Fenian piped out, "Plaze
2 ma'am, that's for the bird to roosht on
y beautiful moonlight when came il
last night,' said Soszle breaking the Omi
{ nous silence at breakfast. eyes," salt
Is Mrs. Soszle, blandly, from the other sid
IL of the table, ''but hardly light enough TO
j.. you to open the front door with boo
II hook or hang the door mat on the ha
~ tree"
A clClZen went 1uGO Il NOEWIC1 hdAu
- ware store the other day and inquired
- elbow much do you ask for bath tub fo
~ a child ?'' ssThree dollars and seventy
~ Sa five cents,'' was the reply. "W-h-e-w
~ whistled the customer. ''Guess we'll haN
- to keep on washing the baby in the COT
- scuttle till prices come down."
A recent advertisement contains th
in following: 'sIf the gentleman who keel
mo the shoe store with red head will retur
,ca the umbrella of young lady with whal
~, bone ribs and an iron handle to the slat
how rooted grocer's shop, he will hear of som
for thing to his advantage, as the same is Il
gift of a deceased mother now no mo
tho with the name engraved upon it.''
his Science says now that kissing on the Ii
by must be abolished in the interest of healt
hts Most potent, grave and reverend seignol
,ets scholars and philosophers, there are m
ry- ments you know nothing of, when M
don't care two cents for science, and VIII
ion he is going to plant kisses where they I
eti- long. if the laws of health are torn frc
hat Alpha to Bersheba.