The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-08-30
VARIETY.

is bizziness.-J. Billings.
Nothing can exceed the intense affection which
q girl deals out to her father day or two before
the time she is going to ask for a new dress.
women's ehiropodist- at Brighton, England,
has placed this legend above his door; Hell
hath no fury like a womans corn"
The Persian says that ten measures of talk
wsre sent down from heaven and the woman took
nine" The first Persian caught on the street
will no doubt suffer for this.
A French lady, who was expecting her third
child, asked her first born, boy of six, whether
he would rather have little brother or little
sister, After reflection moment, he said
50 Mamma, I have little brother already, and
If il is all the same to you, would rather have
q horse"
!. The boy stewed on the burning deck
And Tsasn wnsn t they W shouted % Leave the wreckr
he turned and hotIy said.
znn mat; A. h6SS1m 1s nH and -sP8 sPS1ks5i tTs9
You'll dnd Gas a-by-anchor
He never believed in mystic numbers and had
no opinion Of the figure three, but when he had
drank three glasses Of different kinds OF spirit,
ate three cucumbeTs and bad three doctors all
within three hours, he was willing to swear the
figure three was perfect giraffe among numbers.
He had met the enemy and was his.-NOrl0ieh
Bulletin.
few years ago n hungry crowd sat down at
the well spread supper table Of Sound steamer,
upon which one of the dishes contained trout
Of moderate size. A serious booking individual
drew this dish toward him, saying, apologetical-
Iy, ss This is a fast day with me- His next
neighbor an Irish gentleman, Immediately in
serted his fork into the Ssh and transferred il to
his own plate, remarking, Z" Sir, do you suppose
nobody has a sowl to be saved but yourself?"
The Virginia City Enterprise tells this story
Two men hailed each other from the opposite
banks Of q stream and exchanging greetings,
many friendly questions were put and answered
The men were evidently delighted to meet each
other. and their only regret appeared to be that
thew encountered one another in place where 1t
was impossible for them to clasp and shake hands,
the river not being fordable on account of its
swiftness and the rocky and treacherous nature OF
its channel, while the nearest bridge was five
miles above. Both men lamented these unfortu-
nate circumstances very much. but at length q
way Of getting over the difficulty suggested itself
to one Of them, whose pet name was "Sroncho
Bill"
say, Sam! - cried Broucho, s'1t's little
rough for old friends and neigbh-as to meet away
out here thousands OF miles from home, and
then have to part ir Shis way. Got yer pistol
with yer?"
Il r-.---' cried Sam alters carry her,
.:.aood That's some comfort if We can't get
.sross this var stream to shake hands, why,
thar's nothin' to prevent us from takin' shot at
each other Jist ride up to your LETT thar rod
or two. Thar. now, jiss one good neighbOrly
home shot ="
The men rode aside, and bang bang went
their pistols
Yer smashed the pummel of my saddle"
cried BrOncho; eyer see the horse shied
little jist yer turned loose, or yer might
a-plumped me good
!. You done better. Bill; you got into the flesh
Of my left arm bout half an inch. Good morn
ing to you, a safe journey to yer. and tell the
folks at home met and had good, sociable
time together ~
t. S ccd sssdnIs ssd ,hs y f9%S IoS 3: ' be- I'll
Sam then turned to our friend. and with tears
in his eyes, said 81 God bless him Ii is a great
comfort to meet an old friend and neighbor like
him away out here in this wilderness place. A
kinder. more accOmodative and agreeable gentle
man never lived. wouldn't a-missed sein' him
for $50 y
TIE " HEYlr FEvER.-Up Woodward avenue
q piece is one Of those men, who even If he under
stands perfectly well any inquiry addressed to
him, invariably replies HeyF and the inquiry
must be submitted again. The world has tens of
thousands of these heys?' but until the other
day this Detroiter was the worst Of all. Along
came q sranger the other evening who might, and
might not have known Of this mans eccentricity.
Entering the store he remarked
al want four pounds of sugar
al Hey2' replied the other.
ss said l wanted q susage-stuffsr," continued
the man
What-hey2''
81 asked if you had pickles in vinegar" cOOlly
remarked the stranger.
"Hey7"
-gsllon-of-tu turpentine, - slow
Iy returned the stranger,
as Bless your soul, but don't keep it,' sud-
denly exclaimed the citizen
81 didn't suppose you did"
"Hey7'
al said I'D take some liver pills in the place
OF i6'
No doubt the dealer had heard every single
word Of the entire conversation, and he didn't
like it very well, either, but habit prevailed,
and he again called out, =. Hey?'
Calico CaIicoi" shouted the stranger
ssI've asked you dozen times over if you had
any good, eight cent calico?"
81 No, sir-no, sir-no, sirl" was the indig-
aHeys AlIed the stranger, his hand to HE
ear.
The citizen looked around for the four pound