The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-02-15
VARIETY.


from her husband and then make him Christ
mas present. Of n pair OF ten-shiling slippers.
Ladies' who wish to be in fashion must wear
their fngcr-nails long. This is going to be
hard year fDF husbands.
Mrs. Partington says the only way to prcyeut
steamboat explosions is to make the engineer bile
the water on shore.
A Dutchman was about to make journey to
his iatherland, and wishing to say " goOd-by "
10 n friend, extended his hand and said ''Nell,
of don'd como back, hullo. "
II Noah had iorcsceu the future, and killed the
two mosquitoes which took refuge il the ark, he
would have rendered some of the strongest wOfds
in all modern languages unnecessary.
john said hen-pecked wife, 80 l wish it
was the fashion 10 trade husbands as it is to
body before night"
Love may be blind, as they say, but it can
be noticed that in all the records Of the ages 1t
has never kissed the girl'! mother by mistake
when it reached after the girl.
We no longer question the propriety Of con-
sidcrinS vessels in the feminine gender They
run each other down almost every day in the
English Channel
Mother, what is an angel?'' IAN angel?
Well, an angel is 4 child that flies" 9 But,
mother. why does papa call my governess an
a moments pause, ." she is going to fly immcd-
iately-'
Our Wheeling inventor is getting up new
pater c chair for dentists. concealed spring in
Il nsu tack up through the seat, and while
the patient is bowling, and his attention is divert
ell by the attack below, the tooth is yanked out.
- WheeiAg Leader.
The poet who wrote the following obituary,
deserves dry parsley ehaplet
a lady named Mary Srasuire
Had trouble in lighting her fire
The wood being gEee1 n, she hey qfsa kerr kerosene
4 thrifty Massachusetts, father took his boy to
doctor. - II you can cure him for less than the
funeral expenses" said he, " go ahead; but 1t
YOU can't sonny'll have to take his chances
=. You wait littIe,'' says New York police
man to a newspaper reporter. 6 Don't be IN
such 4 hurry. Mark my words Mr. Stewards
body will turn up all right. I allude, sir. to the
resurrection. .''-BlfaiO Express
=. George" cried the elder Washington,
- George, my son, did you fasten the foot gate,
list night?'' - Father" replied the faithful
George, edging of toward the back fence, -
did. I cannot tell lie did it with my little
latch it. it.''-HaIcteyc.
Why do they call the people who live in the
South Sea Islands, clnuibals?' asked an old
lady Of 4 sailor. s. Because they live on other
law must be q canniba,' said she, g for he lives
on me-"
A Michigan gentleman whose education was
considered iair, wrote to q bookseller rs follows
Dere sur If yew hev gut book clled Danial
Webster on n brige pleas send me n copy. L
want to git it tcr-morrcr if kin, caus my spellin
techcr slys oughter hev It,
The way to reach to a mans heart Is to cater
20 his appetite \ girl who can claw piano
and agitate the atmosphere is 4 good parlor Orna-
ment, but one that can grease griddle and turn
two pancakes at time Is the kind OF 4 female to
tie to at this time OF year
Uairircsser: ''Wou.d YOU Ike little bay rum,
sir2 It's not extra included IN the cutting,
sir .JOc0se customer Very cheap, indeed
as its a cold night will take drop hot, thank
YOU two knobs to the tUmblcr aud one slice of
lemon" Transformation Of barber Fun.
4 rapid and emphatic recital of 5he following
simple narrative Is iniIllible cure for lispng
U,bbs meets Snobbs and NObbs; Hobbs bObs to
Suobbs and Nobbs; Hobbs nobs with Snobbs
and robs NObbs' fobs. -. This is says Nobbs,
the worst Of Hobbs jobs ;" and Snobbs sobs.
- What do l remind you Of most?" said he.
.. 4 French clock said she. Puzzled, and with
n slight misgiying, he got his watch regulated
that day and asked; - What Is the special
feature Of French clOck?' - Oh, they never
.,o.'' said the horolOger, as he gave him his
watch
We suppose, speaking OF Moses, the reason
,bs lord buried him where no man could ever
find his grave, was to prevent the Ohio medical
students from running away with the body be-
fore it was cold.-BUTlHgfoH HqIrkeye.
OF course-Judge (to witness, a bricklayer
Nov Job Trowel, YOU made an affidavit in this
case. Witness: Yes, sir. Judge; And you
know what an affidavit is, | suppose? Witness
Confidently: Yes, sir D.: it's the second course o
bricks.-FtDE.
A Philadelphia paper says n man can always
teIl how tall he Is by walking through door in
tbe dark Next morning lie car measure the
Jcigbt of the door, and then measure from where
r. struck to the top Of his head, add the two
.o,yetber. subtract the swearing, and multiply by
lv6at o'clock it was when he got home, and the
result Will be hiz net height
Some one has suggested that If the inventor of
the phouograph would bring out little machine
t ba attached 10 the front door, which would
- when the landlord called for the rent ''COme
oe,ain next month";" it would have 4 good sale