Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1879-12-12
F. u n !.

4ou 40 SAooo ~ s4sy S~~~A'
F. u ny
The SAME OLD SToRY.-An Oxford
graduate was showing his sister over his
rooms in college when some ono knocked
at the door. Surprising that it was one Of
his friends. and not wishing to be chaffed,
he hid her behind the curtains and admit
ted an elderly gentleman, who apologized
profusely Tor his intrusion, and excused
himself by saying that it was many years
since he had been at Oxford, and could not
leave without paying visit to his dear
cid college and the old rooms he had occu-
pied as student.
"Ahl' - cried the old gentleman, looking
around; s'the same old sofa yes, and the
same old carpet everything the samep'
Then walking into the bed room he re-
marked, eyes, and the same old bed and
the same old washstand! Yes everything
the samel''
Presently he stepped toward the curtains
and remarked, "Ah! and the same old
curtains ~ Looking around he beheld the
young lady, and turning round said, "Ah,
you young dog and the same old gamel''
''But," hastily replied the undergrad
uate, shat young lady is my sister," To
which the reply came, s'Yes, know; and
the same old story ~
ssTv1,;s door oI,;Jd,ov, 10 %y,o rho, - CL;
nese lady; see how little itjs-what mar
row sole it has," "I'll bet it isn't as mar
row as Deacon rs, father says his soul
will fall through crack in the floor some
day and get lost" was the shrll comment
Of q boy given to sharp listening. The
superintendent put the Chinese shoe in his
pocket and requested the school to sing.
''Pull for the Shore"
Avery much inebriated fellow stands at
the edge of the sidewalk and looks doubt
fully at the crowd of carriages. Near
him stands an extremely venerable and
digniied old gentleman, who after looking
on awhile kindly takes the younger man
by the arm and helps him across the street.
When he Is safe on the other sidewalk he
blnrts out with tipsy gratitude: "Thank
you. You know what it is to be drunk. y
A bug scientist says 'the bumblebee
gives out two very distinct sounds, which
are an octave OF each other-a grave sound
when it flies and sharp sound when it
alights." The bug scientist is right. The
sound given out whom the bumblebee
alights- on girls neck-is about seven
teen octaves sharper than when the insect
merely flies.
The following unique epistle was picked
up in Christiansburg: "Deer Bil-The
reason didn't laff when you laft at me in
the post Offs yesterday was because I have
bile on my Ease and can't laff. Eff laff
she'll bust. But I love yu, Bill, bile OF no
bile, laff or no laff. Your luvin Sal. till
deth."
He had an authenticated girl and pro-
missed to take her out riding. She met
him at the door when he drove up, and
exclaimed, "Hellol Ready 2" She mis-
understood him. and they don't speak
now. Thus slang makes another slap at
loves young dream.
Husband-.W Why did you get three pair
of shoes, wife? I'm afraid you will not
live to wear them out" Wife-"Well,
your second wife can wear them out if
DON'T" Husband-"Oh! she has very
delicate foot"
A correspondent asks: Chow long can
bottled cider be kept p That depends
upon circumstances. If you put it in a
safe, lock it up, and sling the key into the
river you can keep it for some time, out
you won't get much fun out of it.
A young lady being taken to task for
tight lacing, said that she resorted to the
practice on purely economical grounds.
4.Row is that?" asked her reprover.
''Why," she replied, ST lace tightly simp-
~ to prevent waistfallness.''
Arabella-(on her toes in chair, clutch
ing convulsively at her skirts: "Oh. Bird.
getl mouse! . mouse ! Come and catch
it, quick" Bridget: "Shure, mum, there's
no hurry. If this one gets away can
catch plenty more for yer. num-"
1.-THE barber's razor took hold of his
beard with vengeance, when he look up
and said, apologetically, my dear sir, 1
came in to get shaved to get tooth
pulled"
A bald-headed professor, reproying
youth for the exercise of his fists, said
ssWe fight with our heads at this college,"
The young man reflected moment and
then replied, s.Ah. see; you butted all
the hair off,
Mrs. Shoddy lately puckered up her
mouth genteelly and told q gentleman
friend that one Of her beautiful daughters
was . s'blunett" and the others .'bronse."
Here is the choicest conundrum of the
season: What 10 the difference between q
mfnce pie and muzzle2 One 10 good on
dogs. and the other is dog-on-good.
st am q broken man, y said q poet. $50
I should think" was the answer, 'sfor
10 ~ ooon vour niecoa