The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1879-04-09
ggis ond 9ese.

Something you con crackw hammer
"a whip.
A button is small event that is always
coming of
Little darkies in Florida are called alli-
gator blackberries.
To produce telling effect, communicate
a secret to woman.
1t is beauty's privilege to kill time, and
times privilege to kill beauty.
Games Of chance would not be so awful
naughty b man could win every time.
The man who patronizes secondhand
clothing store is never troubled with fits.
1t takes good deal Of grief to kill wo-
man just after she has got new spring bon
net.
All the theology in the world has never
succeeded in answering the childs question,
Why doesn't God kill the devil9'
What is the difference between hill and
pill ? One is hard to get up, and the other
is hard to get down.
The individual who called tight boots COM
Portable, defended his position by saying
they made man forget all his other mis-
cries.
An Iowa paper mentions the accidental
shooting of doctor and lawyer, aud has
strong fears of their recovery"
Every cloud has silver lining" But
that is no consolation, after all, when you
reflect that things are never worn with the
lining side out.
Go out, young man; she is not here"
said an uptown preacher, one Sunday re-
Gently, in the midst of his sermon, to a
youth whom he saw standing hesitatingly in
the doorway.
A scientific chap says angle worms do not
suffer when put on the hook. They wiggle
about out Of pure joy, we suppose, the same
as man does when good.looking woman
steps on his corns.
ave all knows" said a cockney school
committeeman, to new teacher he was
examining for her position, that A. B and
G is vowels but what we wants TO know is
Wy they is So"
A dreamy writer says it would be curious
to follow pound of silk from its spinning
until it becomes lady's dress. No doubt;
but most men would prefer to follow il after
| - k,a ,ka Lad,
in it.
Said railroad engineer to an Irishman,
whose COW had been killed. But she didn't
get out Of the way when rang the bell"
Faith, thin" said Pat "ye didn't shtop
when she rang her bell, naythurl"
A little FIVE year old boy was asked by
lady for kiss. He Immediately complied;
but the young lady, noticing that the little
fellow drew his hand across his lips, re-
marked: "Ahi but You are rubbing it off,
"No, l amt" was the quick rejoinder.
I'm rubbing it in"
The following correspondence lately
passed through telegraph office: IL lent
you FIVE dollars one year ago tonight If
you have not had it long enough please
keep il one year longer" To this delicate
hint the answer was returned: Had for
gotten it, and hoped you bad. Let her run
another year"
Jones met friend of his in the street,
and said, angrily; at is true, sir, that, in
certain house where have the reputa.
ton of being witty, You said ] was a foolf'
There is not one word Of truth in 1t, sir,
replied his friend. II have never been in
house where they think you witty, and
consequently could not have called you
fool there"
Doctor, you must really prescribe some
thing for me-" my dear lady, you need
no medicine-only little rest, and then
you'll be as we'll as ever" But, doctor,
surely ought to be given some medicine
of some sort or other. You've only felt
my pulse examine my tongue" He does
So Precisely, madam; your tongue needs
rest too"
Archie--See, old man, how Tn hunted
after. All those are invitations. Friend
Good gracious all invitationsH Invitations
to WHAT Archie--To call and settle their
accounts.
The late Mrs. James W was equally
remarkable for kindness of heart and abb
sence Of mind. One day she was accosted
by beggar, whose stout and healthy ap-
pearance startled her into momentary
doubt Of the needfalness Of charity in this
instance. Why" exclaimed the good old
lady, "you look wella TO work." YES"
replied the supplicant, "but l have been
deaf and dumb these seven years." Poor
man. what heavy aifiictionl" cried Mrs.
W, at the same time giving him relief
with liberal hand. On returning home
she mentioned the fact rsmarking what
a dreadful thing it is to be deprived ofsuch
precious faculties r But how did you
know that the poor man has been deaf and
dumb for seven yearsY' asked her sister.
why was the quiet and unconscious reply,
" he told me so himself"
Old Joe Wattles claims to be one of the
survivors Of the American Revolutionary
War; and possesses gun which he says did
excellent service for Uncle Sam" in the past.
Ii is his delight to show this ancient weapon
10 his friends and racounI tha nnrnarnna