The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1879-08-07
The Dreadful Liver.

People are prone to fall in with any new idea
which is presented-to follow up any new the
ory, which offers the charm of novelty. We
are all ready to denounce, to ridicule, the su-
perstitions and traditions of our remote ances-
tors; yet had some of them lived down until
the present time, they might "turn the laugh
on us'' most gloriously.
Were a poor "fortune-teller'' to come to the
door, how many of us would invite him or her
into the house, have our fortunes told, and ex-
pend our money for ii? Yet if a person come
along with an imposing circular, announcing
that CDR. Morphiner cure the most difficult
cases of any known disease, in two days, scores
of people suddenly discover what they never
dreamed of before-that they are in a terrible
condition, physically.
Bloggs is plain, matter-of-fact sort of man.
He went home the other evening, and found
his usually vivacious wife with a care-worn
look upon her face, and holding their little son
upon her lap. Bloggs couldn't understand the
situation. The boy looked healthy-so did the
woman, and the husband naturally inquired
what was the matter.
'sOh, it's his liverI" exclaimed Mrs. B., "I've
been thinking he wasn't well, for some time.
His liver's in a bad condition. And she kiss
ed the youngster with true motherly solcitude.
The next day, when Bloggs went to dinner
he found his wife vigorously pressing, with her
hand, the left side and stomach of their little
girl.
"What on earth are you doing?" shouted B.
"Oh, my DEAR" said Mrs. B., ''its her liv-"
oliver alone! There's nothing the matter!"
said Mr.. B. And with the look of martyr,
Mrs. B. put the child from her.
When Bloggs went home to supper he found
his wife propped up in an armchair, looking
very much detected.
"And what's the matter with my pet?" shout
ed Bloggs, gaily as he passed into the room.
"Well, hardly know" exclaimed the wife,
"Ive been feeling queer for some time; I-real-
ly-am-not-well. I sometimes think, maybe,
that my liver is Affected"
With look of disgust Bloggs glanced toward
the bureau, and discovered a glaring
poster, announcing that "Dr. Kuremup will
positively remain but two days!' Then Bloggs
understood it all. Just at this moment the
poor little liver-sick boy came running in with
the announcement that the COW had broken
into the yard, and was destroying all the flow
ers. The good woman became suddenly well,
and seized the shovel, tongs and broom, and
rushed forth in time to witness the COW quietly
trample over her last blooming plant, and pass
out at the gate. AS the lady stood contemplate
ing the ruin of her flowers Mr.. B. soliloquized
thus:
81 don't know what to do with that internal
COW! She's the worst animal ever saw. Some
things wrong with her. 1 did think it was
pure unadulterated cussedness, but Pm miSta-
ken. It's her liver. Sure's yer bor m, her liver
is af-''
But there was a rush toward the door, and as
the good lady slammed the door shut, she
snapped out:
81 think the men getting little too
smart. They think they know it al"
The moral to this is in the shape of a conun-
drum; If all human ailments spring from the
liver, why have not some of our home physi-
clans, who have made medical science the study
of their lives, found it out? Echo answers
"why?"