The Phoenix herald., 1879-07-12
Hawk-Byetems.

the CZar naQ DelL0f JOln the eAOuuS aHU go to Kansas.
 The parasol of this summer looks like a resurrection of Yankee Robinson's time honcred circus tent.
 TLe robins are focking all through the country in immense numbers. This indicates tremendous cherry crop.
 School children in Ohio are taught that there were no presidents until after that State was admitted to the union.
 Fred. Douglass thinks the negroes ought to stay where theyare. Changed your views since 1888, haven't you, Frederick?
 The wee green apples are now just getting large enough and hard enough to tempt the worms and the boys in equal quantities.
 '' General Grant and his party" says an Illinois paper, twill reach San Francisco some time in June." July, you villain, July
 One day last week merchant of this city accidentally swallowed his watch key, and naturally enough he W ound up his affairs next day.
 PshawI After all, Victoria is only sixty years old. We thought from the fuss they made about 1t she was about one hundred and twenty.
 's Tennyson is tall, remarks Fuller, of the Rockland Courier. And then he adds: 'In this he differs from other poets, who are usually short.'>
 's How do you tie love knot? asked Laura, toying with bit of blue ribbon. '' Oh, any way" groYled Tom, behind his newspaper. just so 1t will pull out easy"
 We had mighty good one the other day on "Cleopatra's needle" but we found out, just in tune, that that wash t the name of 9 steamboat, so that wouldn't fit.
 George Eliot got s35, 900 for her last novel. We expect people would pay us that much for our last one too Ii they could be convinced that 1t really was the last one.
 4 man was hanged for horse-stealing down in southwestern Missouri last week, and just before he was swung of he confessed that for nearly two years he had been addicted to wearing liver pad.
 Niagara Falls Is to be lighted with the electric light. Now if they could only make the electricity strong enough to strike all the hackmen and hoteI-keep- CTS and the other robbers, 1t would be a success.
 General Franz SigeI is featuring on tt the German-American element of American population That's right i; take the most numerous element in the country, do you can make longer lecture of 1t.
 The Troy Press says an owl is the best watchdog. Yes" remarks the commentator of the Philadelphia BulLs- fife, ''we have often noticed that a watch-dog's owl was the most conspic- uous part of him.
 When Washington learned of fArnold's s treachery, he exclaimed, Whom can we trust now?" The next evening he received a postal-card from a retail grocer, telling him that he would have to trust every body, if he wanted to get any trade.
 4 young man who went from Bur lngton to Leadville about six weeks ago, writes cheerfully back to his friends: " l have gained three pounds since I came here, and gained 1t all in half ounce installments. Haven't been shot in the head yet"
 A South Hill man had terrible dream last night. He dreamed that Congress was only going to meet once every two hundred yearse He awoke in such a state of nervous agitation that he had to drink about three fingers of nervine before he could get to sleep again.
 Rev. Mir. Goss, of New York, who af fects to know all about 1t, denounces from his pulpit S the senseless twaddIe which is now called courting." Oh, go way Mir: Goss, you knew a great deal more about it forty years ago than you do now, and you liked 1t better then, too.
 The West Hill literary lyceum is de batting the question, f Which is the most destructive to the peace of man. kind, church choirs or croquet ?" It Is generally conceded that the choirs do the most quarreling, but the most bun ions are split and engagements broken at croquet.
 An aggrieved member of society wants to know if any woman has any right to use mans hat for foot-stool at church " She has, she has, and don't you forget it. Besides, if she doesn't use 1t for foot-stool, some man will come along and spit in it. What, then, distresses you?
 We have, in this office, a good poem on spring, about forty-fve minutes long, which has been saved over from last April, and is still in an excellent state of preservation, which we will sell at greatly reduced rates, for Fourth of July oration- Apply early and avoid the rush at the door.
 Would you suppose said Atom, pointing to the tramp on the other side of the way, would you suppose that old vagabOnd was worth S11 ,00O?' 9 '' Is it possible?" exclaimed NIolecule. with great interest. '' No, I would not sup- pose so." Well" said Atom, .'you would be great fool if you did
 About week ago an Iowa man died. He was very wealthy and left three sons, his only heirs, and would you believe