St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1879-05-09

Straw hats aIc ut Set ups.
There ale no new sty les iu ,puug
chickens.
The exercise of whipping carpets is
recommended for the development OF
muscle. Don't let your wife do it, Or
she may get the start of you IN develop
ment.-[ChicagO Journal.
A door knob has been invented-and
one is i'll use III IA factory ia New Bed
ford-which can be manipulated only
by those to whom its secret is entrust-
ed. Its manner of operation is said to
battle even the most persevering book
agent or map pedler.
The New York Tribune bewails the
fact that church music of the Old-fash-
ioned sort has become lost art, and
says that fashionable church choir
to-day fulfils the same functions as a
band in a beer garden.
ats only spring opening, ma" eX-
planned that awful boy, as he exhibited
his torn trousers after leap over the
picket fence.
About the guiltiest looking people
in this world are a man accused of a
crime of which he is innocent, and a
newly married couple trying to pass for
veterans.-[ New York Commercial.
A story is told of Kentucky girl
who had agreed to elOpe with lover
whom her parents refused to admit to
the house. She descended the ladder
in the night and started with him on
horseback. ''NOw you see how much
l love you," she said "you will be al
ways a true and kind husband, won't
you ?" He answered gruff1y, "Perhaps
L may, and perhaps not" She rode in
silence few minutes, when she sud-
denly exclaimed: "Oh q! what shall we
do ? have left my money behind me
in my room !" ''Then,n said he, tive
must go back and fetch it," They were
soon again at the house, the ladder was
again placed, the lady remOunted,
while the ill-natured lover remained
below. But she delayed to come, and
so he gently called, "Are you coming ?n
when she looked out of the window
and said, perhaps / may and perhaps
not" and then shut down the window.
Florence, the actor, tells this story
of the elder Booth: He was playing
"Hamlet" in Virginia one night, and
had no skull. A little darkey volun-
teered to get one. When Booth was
leaving the theater, he felt some one
tugging at his coat tail. He looked
around and saw the little brunette.
''What will you have, sonny" "Please,
sab, wants daddy's skull, sah." ''Dad-
dy's skull 2" eyes, sab. Dat used tel
be de ole mans head-piece afore the
mewel kicked him, an mammy'll lick
me ter rags eff lose it,"
Too NEAR HIS FIGURE.-On one oc.
casiOn, when General Butler was in
command at New Orleans, a colonel NJ
ia the Red River region made applica.
tion for ii furlough, which was refused
him. Soon after, the colonel left hi
command without permission, and wen
to New Orleans, where he was arrested
and put in irons as a deserter. UpoI
an intimatiOn that he wished to max,
an explanation, General B. had hin
brought to his headquarters.
''Well, sir" said the general, sternly
what have you to say in explanation
of your conduct 2"
"Well, general, there are two Jew
up yonder who have some cOtto
they want to get through my lines
First they offered me $500, which L re
: fused. Then they offered $1,000, the
: $4,000, then sos, 900, and at last the
: Offered 100000; and l tell you, gen
: eral, they were getting SO near m
e figure, | thought I'd better leave /
Editors Dra'0er IN Harper's.