Daily Republican., 1879-09-18
aUMosoUs.
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AVut WHO koiuB w su0 CVuutIy
ash ed Green as he met Brown.
~ guess not. offered her $50
get ready, but she declares right .
and down she won't go.''
Have you worked the ill-hsalt
dodge 7"
"Wsll, I tried to; but she has gail
ed IL pounds since last January, an
never looked better than now"
Cant you make her believe b.
nerves are relaxingi That general
works pretty we'll"
"Can't do 1t. She sleeps like bricl
and her nerves we're never stronger.
"And she doesn't want TO SEQ he
mother ?"
"Her mother is dead"
| "Dieestion good ?"
splendid. She eats everything, frol
a radish to limburger cheese, and
can't talk change OF diet to her."
Green fell to musing, and by and b
continued
"Mr. Brown, you have been a goo
friend to me-"
"Well, hope So"
"Yes, you have stood by me like
brother, and now I'll do you a favor
Ny wife left for her mothers, to b
gone ten weeks. tried every dod 9
could think Of, but she was bound I
stay at home. At last I hit it. She ha
freckles."
"Ah Egad So has mine."
Nothing but the country air in Jun
will start freckles."
"True-trus. Psels 'em right off il
from four to eight weeks, leaving tn
complexion as fair as babe's ant
without injury to the most delicate ey,
brows."
"YOu see"
"Mr. Green, l rec 1t all. shall nevel
forget your kindness. In less than ,
week my freckled wife will be in Bsr
ries county, and you and l will stay
out till 3 O'Clock in the morning anG
then 90 to my house and sleep in tn,
best bed with our boots on Mr.. Green
Lor' bless you-shskei Any time yor
want q favor you may route me up a
midnight and commando"
WHEN SIR WALTER scorr was in Ire
land in 1925, he paid q visit to Lord
Plunkett at Old Connaught, Bray.
Thence host and guest made an excur-
sion to Glendalough, and Sir Waite,
would not be satisfied to come away
without first climbing 10 Ct. Kevin'a
Bed. When about to leave the place, Lord
Plunkett gave Kathleen, the guide, to
understand that the lame but adven-
turous and active visitor was poet.
T" Poet I" said she incrsdulously.
" Deuce bit Of him He's q rael da-
sent gentleman! He gave me half q
crown"
A young author obtained permission
from the celebrated satirist Piron, to
read him q tragedy which was on the
eve Of being brought out. At every
verse that was pillagsd, Piron took off
his hat and bowed, and so frequently
had he occasion to do this, that the au.
thor, surprised, asked what it meant,
"Oh," replied Piron, "it is only ha-
bit have got of saluting my acquain-
tance."
An old Hunks in New York, who is
next heir to his nephew, young scape-
grace in the federal army, received
letter from comrade to say that the
young soldier hai run his sword through
his body. The old miser joyfully sent
$500 to bury him. On inquiry he found
that his nephew had merely sold his
sword for liquor, which he had drank.
'Do you really believe that an ass
whsspoke to Balaam ?" asked a man
prides himself on his intellect. Coleridge
to whom the question was put, reflected
very calmly for few moments and then
"My friend have no doubt
whatever that the story is true. have
been spoken to in the same way myself"
English Juries are sometimes liable
10 make bull, as we'll as their Irish
On . recent trial, where a
railway porter was charged with steal
ing salmon which had dropped upon
the platform from a parcel, the jury
brought in a verdict that che did not
steal it, but took it with the intention
If making it his own property"
On "a honeymoon tour recently, the
Young husband, going across from Dow
" to Boulogne, grew suddenly very
'trange. care you ill, lover" ex-
claimed the anxious model wife. ooh,
Alfred beloved are you illf" He was
Ifraid of being doubted, and family re-
,lied, ~ thing the shrimps I had or
this morning must have been
live." ....
A ffa Shoemaker had an apprentice
Tho was very fond Of fishing, and one
fternoon he asked for holiday in or
or to pursue his favorite occupation,
port. ~ say, maister," he began,
they say the troot are bitin' finely T.
hs Eden to-day" His master, looking
YER his spectacles, replied: "Wsel,
eel, stick to your wark, lad, stick to
or wark and they'll no bite you"
A Dsvout and doubtless now sainted
rkney minister once petitioned the
'eity as follows for fair weather: "Lord
md us braw weather aud bit sough
breeze that will drse the stra' and
lima harm the heads; but, H. ye blaw
5 . tearin', irwin, blethsrin' gale,
ke what we've been ha'iug, yell play
10 vsra mischief wi tha ats, and fair
spoil a."
"What made you quit the eastf"
i'd man in Nevada to a newcomer.
got into trouble by marrying two
ives," was the response. "Well, said
~ other, II came out here because ! (
It into trouble by marrying only one '
ifs." "And l." added bystander,
,ame out here because I got into
ouble simply BY promising to marry
o."