Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1879-05-01

. of Florida CURES the Rheumatism
Now, if he could only find some
thing that would take-the clamg
: out of his signature.
An old bachelor says he's
been so often deceived by the
chicken of the restaurants and
!. boarding-houses that he calls it
"the mocking bird.
f "Pants for So said a seedy-
: looking man, reading the sign in
the window of clothing store
he was passing; $50 do /; I
never painted so for $5 in all my
life"
A lady asked for a poetical
name for a picturesque, tumble
down, antique-looking farm"
Call it Lalla Rookhery. You
couldn't get Moore antique or
romantic name than that.
A waiter uncorked bottle of
wine in a Paris cafe. GLOW
long did you say this wine had
been bottled ?""Fourteen years"
"Ah, that is long time for a
fly to live; see, he is swimming
round quite lively"
Before marriage man is gem
orally greeted by his sweet
heart with, "My darling, is it
you?" But after marriage she
generally rushes to the door
and shouts, "Hugh Henry, wipe
your bootsp
A Western part confidently
asserts thata healthy bridegroom,
an army musket, and an ounce
of bird-shot all working harmo-
niously together, will discharge
a serenading party quicker than
q thunder shower.
Conversation at the breakfast
table. Smith-"Ain't John late
in bringing the mail this morn
ing| Jones-"I guess there's
something on the postal cards he
does not understand. He's prob
ably reading them twice"
"Dar amt no nigger on de top
side oh CREATION said son of
Ham the other day, putting his
hand to his bandaged head, "what
can sing a hymn and put de gear
in on a kickin' mule all at de
same time"
A Detroiter, who died the 9TH
er day, had invested in lottery
tickets for eighteen consecutive
years, and never drew a prize.
He had been buried two DAYS
when his last ticket turned up
lucky. The prize was a silver
plated butter-knife.
A gentleman addresses anoth-
er gentleman, whom he doesn't
know, at party: ~This affair is
awfully stupid; let's go out and
take a drink" II would like to
do it," was the reply, but l can't
leave very WELL" "Why not?"
why, you see, / am the one
who is giving the party"
"The foolish man." truthfully
'emarketh an exchange, ,"foldeth
his hands and saith: There is M
rade; why should l advertiser
But the wise man is not so. He
xhoopeth it up in the newspa-
oers, and verify he draweth Gus
toners from afar off,"
Magistrate-What! a man
,an be cruel enough TO maltreat
his lawful welded wife and even
20 hurl a plate at her head?
Prisoner--But, Your Honor, do
you know my wife? Worthy
Magistrate--I have not that
Honor. Prisoner--Then just
you go slow.
Persons troubled with feet
hat perspire or smell offensive
y can effect a cure by bathing
hem every night or oftener i'm
! strong solution Of borax.
Two or three weeks of this
treatment will be found suffi-
,ient.
English newspapers very
arely contain in the obituary
column a notice of funeral, be-
:ause, except in the ease Of an
,minent public person, it is not
lesired that any bnt near rela-
ives or very intimate friends
ihould attend, and men worth
million go to their graves with
ess pomp and parade than o
New York car driver.
"Amanda, | wish you to put
he large bible in a prominent
'lace OH the comfortable, and
'lace three or four hymn-books
;arelessly around OH the sofa. l
lave advertised for a young man
o board in a cheerful Christian
amily, and l tell you what; if
'ou girls don't manage, either
me OF you, 10 rake him in, why
III never try anything again, for
IN tired ont"