The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1879-06-05
All Sorts OF Paragraphs.

- A Chinaman whose watch was slow
bye" -
= Some say that the quickest way TO
destroy weeds is to marry widow. It
is, no doubt, most agreeable species Of
husbandry.
For "its poor mule that won't
work both ways" in yesterdays Issue,
please read, ''it's poor rule" ETC., ex-
| plains on exchange.
| = One of the saddest and most vexa-
tious trials that come to q girl when she
marries is that she has TO discharge her
mother and depend upon servant girl.
Young ladies who wish to have
small mouths are advised to repeat this
at frequent intervals during the day
Fanny Finch fried five floundcrinp
frogs for Francis Fowler"
-. A tiny spider dropped from the
ceiling into sleeping church members
mouth recently. 1t went down into the
mammoth cavern and pulled its web in
after it. Another warning against sleep
ing in church.
= On a recent wedding occasion we
heard young bachelor while carving
some sugar plums around to the ladies,
offer his kindness in very questionable
sentence, punctuated as he had it: "Will
you take one, sugar PLUMP"
= They were out riding Said Theo-
dore, "Vhat tree, Angelina, bears the
most precious fruit?" Angelina-"Oh
Dory. | can't tell, unless It is a cherry
tree" Theodore looks unutterable sweet
ness, as he gazes into Angelina's eyes
and says, The axle-tree, darlingV
HOW did you come to getl mar
ried = asked man of very homely
TREND. We'll, you sce," he replied,
after had vainly tried to win several
girls that wanted, l finally turned my
attehtion 10 one who wanted me, and
ters."
= Once upon an evening dismal 1
gave her paro3ysmal kiss, and called
loved of yore. All, she was a darling
creature, pert of speech and fair Of fea-
ture; but, egad, you couldn't teach her.
for she had been there before, and only
murmured, "Buss me more"
= When was young msn / was
always in hurry to hold the big end of
the log and do all the lifting. Now
that am older seize hold of the small
end and do all the Inting. Wise men
make the mistakes and fools the blum
ders, and thisis about all the difference
between them.-,Iosh Billings.
- A citizen of Eureka having occa-
sion to go home unexpectedly night or
two since, caught gentleman acauaint-
atce in the act Of kissing his wife. On
relating the circumstance to a friend. he
was asked if he punished the guilty
couple, and replied: "No, not exactly:
but they must have seen from the wav 7
slammed the door that l was not salts
fiedl"
- Before marrying-"Oh my little
darling, your voice is rs musical to ma
as the vesper bell whose tones fall softly
on the perf',med evening airl Speak
again and say these words, my beloved,
for could listen to your voice until the
stars are extingnished in everlasting
nightP After marriage-"Pyo had lust
enough of your clapper, old woman, and
II you don let UP I'll leave the house p
"A young lady from New York re-
Gently appeared at C ball in Nice with
her dress decorated with radishes and
artichokc leaves. When asked by her
mother what she meant by such caper,
she answered, knowingly: "You hold
on, mama; the fellows here are awfully
backward. l must give them hint that
IA AZ tdO Llhthtl. linen gl0 STUCK q
carrot in her hair, and cauliflower in
her snowy breast, and looked Nice
enough to eat.
=, We often wondered why girls mar
ried. An Austin young Indy, upon the
subjec, .ys: "Well, no, 1 don't know as
ia marry for money alone, but if man
had plenty of money allied to sweet
disposition, and moustsche that curled
at both ends, and nice blue eyes and q
respectable profession, and his father was
rich and his mother and sisters aristocra-
tic, end he wanted to marry me, and
would promise to let me have my own
way in everything, and keep me liberal
y supplied with coin, and have q nice
furnished house with big piano in it,
and would give me two diamond rings,
and pay my dry goods, milliner's and
dressmaker's bills without grumbling,
and | really and truly loved himEI
wouldn't consider his money any draw
back to the match"