Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1879-10-11


by way OF the Stickeen river. Two stern-whee
steamers ply on the river between Wrangel and
the head OF navigation, 40 miles up, carrying
freight and passengers, and connecting with
ing region over mountain trails.
Wung CIing's Grief.
FAILURE OF SCHEME FOR CONVERTING AMER
ICA TO C0NFUCIANISM.
Wung Cling is Chinaman and keeps cigar
Stand In Chatham street. He stood diSconjo-
he he had been smoking some Of them, and they
had disagreed with him; It was only from the
fact that he was believing his stand with tears
merely that the reporter judged that an aching
heart and not an aching stomach was the mat
ter with him. stepping close up to him the re-
porter said:
"What ails Wung Cling o-dly?"
go, me feel velly bad. Chinese L IN all feslee
velly sick. Me lead and alice Samee lea1 In
papel this molning that Enpe,ol OF Chinese
lard go deadee," and he bur5tinto another flood
of tears.
Eyes" he continued, as soon as he had re
covered his breath, ''allee Chinee men cou,d SCI
light down and howl and ely till eyes fallae all
cut
"Hullo!' said the reporter TO himself, "whod
have thought that these poor ignorant Pagan,
have such a feeling for their rulers as tuis?'
and then he said aloud
"Why, Wung Cling, WHAT difference does that
make to you OF your friends? Are you such
patriots as all this comes tor"
90, pa liotisIn be blowed! We no waatee
MEXICAN
man much goodee If he live. sposee sky iii
now, peihaps; sposee no sky fall; alice samee
Dad 10 Mclean man. EnpelOl Mclean mans
topside tlend; Empelol lovee Chinaman too; En-
pelol lovee alice void. Me lathel Mclean boy
come stealee alice poo Chinamens cigals than
find Empelol gone dead: me lathel pleecema IN
bloke Nung Chng's headee oil some Tough cut
tee off pigtail then lead about Empelol die
Empelol dammee fool go Gle now" and he wiped
away his tears with tie end of his pis,tail.
You should remember, Wung Cling" said
the reporter, bent on soothing the Pagan'S woe,
"that we are all mortal; even Emperors Of China
must die. 1t is the common lot Caesar the
Great did die and so must you and I. Death is
tie condition of life, and you must console
yourself with the thought that though
China's Emperor has left us,
Yet, though sadly he's bereft US.
He has climbed the go den STAIR
Gene TO meet Confucius."
eyes," said Wung Cling, his little eyes gilt
tering through the heavy mist Of his tears,
in newspaper; missionary man say so too; alice
samee damme fool; newspaper and missionary
alice dam big fool. Clistfan alice samee En-
Peel loyse Mclean man. Empelol want to MAKE
s1onaly to Melica and convult EN- alice to Con-
fucius. Now Empelol deadee, and no hope fo'
Mclean man.
'What is that you say, you horrible Old Bull
garian atrocity? Was your Emperor going to
send missionaries over here TO convert Us to
Pagan1sm?"
EN- to Melica and convult EN- alice Mclean
man set down In darkness alice time. Poo
Chinaman comee to Flisco and Mclean man cut
off his pigtafl, black him in eye kickee him in
stomach, mashee him In mouth, splead his nose
alice samee all oyel his face, bust him In snoot,
ktckee oVel his cigalS and say Chinaman must
go. Mclean man, Irishman, Dutchman, French
man In Mellca alice samee hatee poo China
man. Cause why? Mclean man know not
the tluth, soon he see the tluth, then he glow
bettel and love ev'lybody, like Confucius, like
Lao-Tse"
"See here Wung Cling" gasped the reporter.
show long has this thing been going on? You
Chinese rat-eaters have pretty good cheek to
talk about converting us to Confucianism l
suppose you've set up Board OF Board of
thlng?"
Yes replied Wung Cling, ''when Emoelol
find out how Mclean man tleat poo Gilman an
what newell did him any hahn, Empelol feel
velly bad and say Mclean man haint got good
and tlue leltgton; so he callee alice pliests and
Mclean man so that he love his blothel man
and not bust him in the nose and punch In the
jaw alice time. Then pliest say Mclean man
Is foleIg n dsvil no good eonyus him. but the
lie not wolthy follower Of Confucius Thea
alice piiestS come lound and set up what Nell
can man callee Boald OF Foleign Missions aad
many scholals lite heap OF tlacts In Mclean
language, and go to send 'em ovel with good
missionary flom China to convult Cltstians. Now
EmEeol dead. tink piiests kill him. pelhaps.
and Mclean man set IN darkness folevelmoie
Wung Cling feel velly, velly bad"
1T must have been nice lot Of tracts TINT
you pagans were going to send said the re-
''Lemme see," replied the Pagan. "There
was The at-catchels Daug hter and The Lazol
that Shaved Itself"
1.-THE Razor that Shaved ITSELF" CALCULATED
the reporter. "What was that about ~
"Well," said Wung Cling, "once upon time
lazol head babel man say alice time what a
and said, .'Allee samee, I'll shave myself SO it
hid away In the lathel pot and lathe,ed itself till
1t got all lusty, and then when babel man
found 1t hadn't shaved itself, and couldn't shave
nobody else evelnole. Alice same Mclean man -
"There you are out, Pagan" said the repor-
ter. "Meltcan. man can shave himself, and as
for such fellows as you, why he can shave the
whole head Off Them
"Chinaman's Empelors missionaries would
stop all that" said the brute, "and that was
why he send 'em here. Mclean man too shalp
altogether; he not only shavee Indians and
Chinamen's head of, but his own, too, in the
long luz. Hain't got no colluption in China;
leastways say we hatn't. but Mclean man such
dam fool he not only coliupt but say he collupt.
chin leligion; talkee talkee. but no doee doee
II missionary come flom China he makee ali
GOOD; what Ch1naman say he mean and he do
You want leligon velly bad. but nov none
come. Tie Empelol and nend OF poo Cllstian
gone de2dee; boohoo, boohoo!"
L he reporter then purchased ten cigars for a
cent, put IHeHl LII his pocket 10 save Tor his
friends, and walked away.-[N, Y. Graphic.
SHAVING IN CHINA.-EVerything Is reversed
In China, you know. Men never 60 to barber
shop to get shaved; the barber carries his kit
around hunting his customers No sitting In
crowded shops waiting for your turn to come
the barber has to chase you about and shave
you at your own convenience. The word "next''
Is unknown to the vocabulary of the Chinese
barber. You are spared the annoyance, If not
torture, OF being. compelled to sit by while five
or six men ahead OF you have their boards re.
moved, hair cut, whlsherS dyed, and heads
shampooed, when you only want your hair
oiled and mustache waxed TO go to the theater
Sit down on doorstep or curbstone anywhere
ard barber steps up and attends to your
wants Immediately. Happy despatch, If you
insist on IL. Then, instead Of having to listen
to his volubility, you are permitted by the
laws OF the country to talk the barber to de attn
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