The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1879-02-07
WIT AND H4NEOK.

tits wise man who knows his
own umbrella.
Most people are like eggs-too full
of themselves rU hold anything else
This may be a world of change
but somehow or other very little gets
into circulation.
The object of education is not ex:
ternal show and splendor, but inward
development-Seneca.
Agrocer advertises in the follow
ing terse MARINER: "Hams and cI'
gars smoked and unsmoked."
allow can we help our town ?
asks a Chicago editor. Did YOU ever
try leaving it?-Cin. Sat. Night.
Let amusements fill up the chinks
Of your existence. but not the great
spaces thereof.-THEoDoEE PARKER
Man wastes his mornings in antici
pating his afternoons, and wastes his
afternoons in regretting his mornings
Do all the good you can in the
world and make as little noise about
It as possible.
When women give up wearing
trains out doors. the Street Cleaning
Department will have to so to work
again.
We have more power than will
and it is often by way of excuse tu
ourselves that we fancy things art
impossible,
He alone is nngrateful who. makes
returns Of obligations, because h'
does it merely to free himself from
owing so much az thanks.-But1er.
1t is not till the storm comes that
we find out the real timber of a yes
sci. The things which try people
show what is in them.
Sound said m Irish apoth
ecary, "you find two tumblers o
whisky-pnnch disagree with you over
hight, .dbn't take 'em till the next day
an then leave 'em off intirrly."
. "Thirty metals have been discov
cred this century," JUS: so! But
then some folks would rather discover
one metal thirty times, if they coult
choose the metal.
a Pittsburg schoolteacher had jus
taught her scholars to say "ithcr'
and "nither" and "fe,nance,' wher
she died. No one can tell when thei
life's work will be cut short.-N. Z
journal Of Education.
"Speaking of bathing" said Mrs
Partington, "some can bathe will
perfect impurity in water as cold n
Greenland's 8 icy mountains and India
coral strands but for my part, pre-
fer to have the water little torli J..
Eady (severely). 81 presume yo'
understand about kerosene to kindl
fiie FIRE wifh?" Applicant confident
ially.). "Indade do, ma'am. Shov
me where ye kape yer lie can, an it'll
nivercost ye a"cint2fo kindlir"
Softhearted grandpapa TO Tom
my, who hasjnst been castigated b.
his mammal" And you know, Tom
my, it. really pains mamma more thar
it does your Tommy-"Oh, yes,
know it dbes;- she says so; it hurt
Her hands!''
q A gentleman w.horesides very clos,
to the railroad was praying one even
ing, when train of cars came by AM
his little girl remarked to him. Pa
pa what is the Use of praying Will
the cars are going by? God canno
hear you."
The superintendent approached
youth Of color, who was present 10
the first time in Sunday school ant
inquired his name. f,r the purpose o
placing IL on the roll. The good maj
tried. in. vain to preserve his gravit.
whensthe answer wasretnrned. "Well
massas calls me Cap'n, but my neaidel
name is Moses"
Aperson.who was recently calle'
into court for the purpose of provins
the correctness OF surgeons bill
vas asked by the lawyer whether th
doctor did not make several visit
after the patient was out OF danger
"no," replied the witness, "I consid
cred the patient in danger as long a
8 tile doctor continued bis visits"
Brethren, befnre we sing the mex
verse Of "John Browns body lies a
moldy in the grave" Rr us take
look into THE grave and see that it
there. In these days of Ohio medica
colleges cemetery isnt no safe
shan a savings bank, and it may b
that political glee clubs, who iav
been singing the song qaoted above
have heen t.hantino n rllyrhfnic Ii
for the past f5' years.