The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1879-06-05

i
For ne wanted = column more:
| he stabbed II with his scissors
| And stole the funny STUFF,
And whistled down the copy
| With all the credits scissored Of;
| Then placed his thumb within his vesc
| ANA eonnivingly did laugh,
ana said q" Ny readers will never know
| But What wrote that paragraph"
But the silieus Bulge across the street
| lAItnough 1t may EN- strangel
was out three hours in advance
MADE up from the same exchange.
-Watsr.Oo Ob;eTpe.
A PERSON may learn to play the vio-
lin tolerably by ear, but when he un-
Oertskes to write poetry by ear, be in
varlaoly stumbles. 1t only serves to
make his ears more conspicuous.
AN old bachelor, who particulsrlv
mated literary women, asked an suthoress
II she could throw any light on kissing.
L could" said she, looking archiy at
MN, but l think it's better in the
Oh" said the afflicted wife. weenin0
over his body, she said he would tsEs
on his flannel anyway, and, poor man.
ne little thought how soon he would 90
to that place where fannels are never
needed"
A FOND mother, hearing that an
earthquake was coming, sent her bows
to friends in the country to escape II.
After q few days she received note
from her friend, saying: "Tske your
boys away and send along the earths
quake instead"
ELDER SISTER to little one, who sp~
pears to take great interest in Mr.. Skib>
bens: "Come, little pet, it is time your
eyes were shut in sleep" Little pet
" think not. Mother told me to keen
my eyes opened when you and Mr.. Skib-
bens were together"
LET US Just whisper a word to orr
young friends: "Don't waste any time
'learnin' to write poetry" Become a
iett-handed bstsman. You can name
your own terms, and, by standing in
with managers of the game, make more
money in single season than the yearly
receipts of any poet who ever wrote an
English verse; Toledo Blade.
TIs said that absence conquers love,
quoted husband, in writing home to
his wife, from whom he had been some
time away. I" hope, dear, it won't be
so in your case" 40, no,1 she replied
in her next letter, "the longer you stav
away the better | shall like YOU" He
had to take it thus smbiguously, as ne
Was afraid to risk asking an explanation.
RATIOCINATIoN: Country doctor
Did you take that bottle OF medicine
10 old Mrs. Gsmbridge's p because it
vas very important" Surgery boy
-"Oh, yes sir. And Pm pretty sure
he took it sirr" Country doctor (after
pause)-" What do you mean by that,
II p Surgery toy" Well, l see the
hutters up at the 'ouse as I passed this
nOrnin,' sir p'
AS some lady visitors were going
trough q peGitentiary Under the escort
# superintendent, they came to a
Dom in which three women were sew
ng. Dear me - one Of the visitors
what viCiOussloOking crea-
ures Pray, what are they here for p
Because they have no other home:
his is our sitting-room, and they are my
gite and two daughters" blandly
answered the superintendent.
A RATHER fashily dressed young lady,
n company with her mother, was com
ug out of church, snd while walking
own the massive stone steps the old
ldy slipped and went down headlong to
be sidewalk. The daughter, horror
tTicken, hid her face in a SIS handker-
hief, and, instead Of helping her mother
he blurted out: ooh, mother, such an
lea 4! How could you fall herel Pm
orry l came out with youP
DURING the Schenk beer trial, Just
OncIuded at New London, rural juror
ppeSled to the court to know sit the
iwyers could not be stopped from both
ring the jury" He had become be-
Tildered in the maze of tecbnicalities
nd subtleties with which the lawyers
mystified the case, and he
ried in anguish Of spirit, "them lawyers
ONE here on purpose TO bother and cons
use US jurors, don't they Judge % 81
oppose they do, my friend" YEARLY
lswered his honor.
WHEN asked if he was on his way to
,eadville, he s3id he had never hearn
the place." and when asked where he
as bound for he said: "Back home to
ID Missouri. | left there Just after the
ar, when the rebs had everything their
ay, snd went to Texas. But t'other
az hearn TELLER read in paper that
le thing was all right again, ard that
le old bounty on volt skelps had been
ut back sgain to So, and l thought /
as sure OF living anyhow" Who
.ys there is no immigration to Missouri
I Newton (Ksn) Bee.
AMONG the curious anecdotes Of
cards, the Oldest is that told Of the en-
lent John Mayo, a painter, at the
Ourt of Charles v, whose beard was SO
ing that he could stand upon it; this
ataract of hair he kept tied up with
ibbons to his button-holes, sometimes
it at the Emperor's wish,
pening the doors and windows that it
light blow into the faces of angry
purifiers. Another famous beard was
hat of Bavarian merchant who kept
! inclosed in q velvet bag to prevent it
rom dragging on the ground. An old
ritter, of more gravity, we fear, than
eracity, asserts that the inhabitants OF
Iarndenburg had formerly the singular
ustom of electing the Burgomaster who
adj the longest beard and the biggest
cot.
Yankees flutWittPd.