The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-08-07
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
A YOUNG lady once married man
by the name of Dust, against the wish
Of her parents. After short time
they lived unhappily together, and she
returned to her, fathers house; but
he refused to receive her, saying:
"Dust thou art, and unto Dust thou
shalt return" And she got up and
"dusted."
The tramp's last dodge Is to ask your
advice about going to the next town,
and when you warmly advise him to
60, he says he has great confidence in
your good Judgment, and will emigrate
further on at once. "But," he adds,
"wouldn't you advise me to borrow ten
cents before startP"
"Do you know what you are eatlngp"
whispered one of the boarders. as he
watched his neighbor wrestling with
slice Of leathery pie. "Alas ~ sighed,
sighed the martyr, "I know only too
we'll. "Tis but little faded flour"
Ana no passed his place for another
slice.
'"MAMMA, I don't think the people
who make dolls are very pious people,"
SAID little girl Ito her mother one
day. "Why not, my child ?' "Be-
cause, you can never make them kneel.
always have to lay my doll down on
her stomach to make her say her pray
ers."
THERE was an ingenious amount of
devotion Implied in tho remark of a
love-sick millionaire when the object
Of his affections became ecstatic over the
beauty of tho evening star. ooh, do
not praise 1t like thatp' he cried "I
cannot get 1t for you"
"A LEaAI. gentleman met u brother
lawyer on the street one day recently,
and the following conversation took
place: We'll, Judge, how is busi-
nessS" "Dull, dull; 81 am living OH
faith and hope" every good, but I
ma nave e,+gi got i, past you, for Pm living on
A ScoTcH nobleman one day visited
lawyer ut f's office, In which, at the
time, there ':as a blazing fire, which
n,,aoa l9a him :, to % ekoiaim, "Mr. X, your
should be, my lord" answered the
bread"
A GREAT ENrERPRIsE. The Hop
Bltters Manufacturing Company Is one
OF Rochester's grea test business enter
prises. Their Hop Bitters have reached
y sale beyond all precedent, having
from their intrln sic value found their
way into almost every household III the
land.-Graphtc.
a LADY not accustomed to raising
poultry, set hen on some eggs, and In
due course OF time brood Of chickens
was hatchcd. A friend coming in four
days afterwards, noticing that the lit
tic things looked weak and puny asked
how often they were fed. "Fed /" was
the reply, "why, [ thought the hen
nursed them"
a PROMINENT attorney residing In
Syracuse, N. Y, while fishing few
days since pointed out to his companion
a signboard, remarking: "The fellow
that put up that sign is liar"
"Whyr' asked his companion. 'Be-
cause that sign reads, No fishing in
this brook and caught the best trout
III my basket directly under that
board"
"lHEARD you kiss Fred" he abruptly
remarked to his sister.
What do you mean, YOU rude
boyp p' cried the sweet sister, turning
scarlet.
"Oh, It's no use denying it," replied
her brother; "you can't CANNON me.
know the sound, you know it was lust
ike COW pulling her foot out of mud
hole"
GLOW shall we train our girls ?"
asks an exchange. "Train 'em with
about twenty-five yards of black silk,
If you want to please your girls. A
silk velvet train would also make them
happy"
The man who is TOO lazy to carry a
scuttle Of coal up stairs for his wife,
will think nothing Of rowing about
hVe miles or of practicing with dumb
bells for half an hour before break
fast.
81 HAD no time TO stuff the chicken,'
apologized landlady to her boarders.
"Never mind, madam; it's tough
enoagh as 1t ls," replied one of them.
SOME Nevada mines that used to 90
down are going up.
Il Gas Clock.-lt Is said that there is
a clock In the Guildhall Museum, Lon
don Of which the motive power is hy-
drogen gas, generated by the action OF
diluted sulphuric acid on ball Of zinc.
The clock resembles large colored
glass cylinder without any cover, and
about half full Of sulphuric acid.
Floating on the top of this acid IS
glass bell, and the gas generated forces
forward this concave receiver until 1t
nearly reaches the top Of the cylinder,
when, by the action of delicate lever,