The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-04-29
Simpsons Unfortunate Experience.

When | met Simpson one day after !
had hccn absent from the city several
months | noticed that he had dcprcss-
ell look and that he wore wig. l
asked him the reason for assuming q
wig, but he said, "Ncver you mind i"
and appeared to want to avoid tho sub. &.
jcct. When reached my Office asked
him in, and | pressed him to tell me
what was the matter. Finally he con-
scnted, and locking the door and pull
ing down the window blind, he said
"You know old Partridge, the Phrc-
nologist?''
eyes"
''You know he has an awful pretty
daughter, Sally"
eyes"
"Well, sir, was in love with that
girl, and thought she loved me. And
so, one day, called at Partridge's
place to kind of sound him to see If
stood any chance. And the old man
you know, he was little reserved, but
he told me that any man who wanted to
get favor from him could do so by
permitting him to shave off his hair and
to map out his scalp. You know, he
wanted living subject to lecture from
instead Of plaster bust.''
"Well, you sec was wild about his
daughter, so like an immortal idiot I
let him practice OH me. He took off
every hair clean, and then got stick
of caustic and laid out nay scalp in town
lots, with picture in each reserva-
ton. Just look at that! Isn't it infa-
nous ?'
Simpson removed his wig. His head
looked like gobular checker board with
frescos of the most amazing and hide
Gus character daubed into each square.
There was prize fight in progress
upon his bump Of combativencss two
black doves that looked like buzzards
were billing upon his bump ofamative-
ness; grimy angel, with parasols
for wings, stood ON his vencraton
bump; and on his bump Of philo-
progenitiveness there was what ap-
pearcd to be a comic picture Of "tcn
little Indians standing in q line" 1t
was the most startling spectacle ] ever
behcld, and said to Simpson
sold fellow, pity you -
"Pity me! Ilumph Why, blame
It, man, do you know that those fres-
Goes will never come Off Carry 'cm
to my grave, just rs they are. And
then, you know Partridge wasn't satis-
fed with that. lie said that my bump
of acquisitivencss was a great deal too
small. And when l asked him what
he was gong to do about it, he said it
must be swelled up somehow. He said
If he ever had son-in-law it must be q
man whose acquisitveness was strong,
SO that fetched me, and told HIM to
go ahead. He first proposed saving
out square inch Of my skull and set
ting in bump that would about meet
his views; but 1 was q little shy, you
know, and so he said he could either
emp mo like the man In Marryatt's nov
el, or else work mo up somo sort of a
bump by hydraulic pressure, ,::or suction,
or something"
Cd d he do iLp"
"Well, all know Is that was kept
In that office for four nights and three
days with q bucket on my head, put
there to hold the machinery down ;
and that was so delerious most of the
time that he had to strap mo to a book
case. When came to, found that
had bump over my ear as large as a
four cent loaf of bread, and old Part
ridge, you know, was standing there
exclaiming, 'Splendidl Splendid y and
decorating it with a caricature in caus-
tic Of miser prasnlnp a bap Of onld I