The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1879-11-05
WAIFs AND wH1Ms.
RIFLE practice picking pockets.


A CoLoRED sentinel is blackguard.
THE barometer isa great storms center.
The peel of the first belle was a fig
! leaf.
LIGHT iterature-a bank book with
no balance.
THERE is nothing quite so rash as the
measles
THE plum harvest is at hand and the
plumbers are having full crops.
WHY is a glass of fresh lager like
mad dog? Because it froths at the
mouth.
IT is all very well to talk about ''plow'
ing the water" but they often use hose
for water.
Iris strange, wonderfully strange, that
q cup of tea was never yet spilled on
dirty table-cloth.
Ill join you presently" said min
lister to young couple, as ne went Tor
the church key.
A GIRL went back on her bow-legged
beau because she didn't like to waltz
in brackets.
> THE Joker who intimated that he had
come nuts to crack, {" must have meant
jestnuts.
/ They don't call them soft young
men now; the distressfully polite thing
is tosay, q They are the down ofsociety'"
IT'S passing strange that amid all the
mistakes of the world, nobody ever
passed a quarter for a twenty-cent
piece.
Drrrr r,,,y yrrya borbar rafuSad IN
color Bob IngersolPs mustache, on the
plea that it never should be said Of him
that he dyed an infdel."
WHEN his wife asks him for a dollar
or two for current demands, he smiles
sweetly and says, "True love, darling,
seeks no change
WE believe that if an angel should
call into the sanctum of the average
scissors fend, that he would clip its
wings and pass them off as his own.
You might as well back mule up
against a beehive and tell him not to
kick, as to tell a woman about wedding
and not set her under jaw in motion.
A MAN who had pig to sell led it
into market, Because" he said, "a
lead pig was heavier than the flesh and
blood kind
THE proper form for a will nowadays
will read: "To the respective attorneys
of my children | give my entire estate
and worldly goods of all description.
Personally to the children and to my
beloved wife I give all that remains"
EDISON has not patented it yet, but
people are travelling from Boston to New
York by telephone-at least they come
by sound.
"WHAT is heavens best gift to manW
asked a young lady on Sunday night
smiling sweetIy on ner male companion.
" A hoss," replied the young man, with
prudence.
EXPERIENCE teaches many things,
prominent among which, to man, is
that it is safer to run your chance with
a balky mule chan to dictate to a
woman ON wash-day.
WHILE Charles Harris, of Texas, was
being hanged, very large crowd sang
Sweet By-and-By." Mr.. Harris's last
words were, " For heavens sake swing
me off I ought to have been out of this
two hours ago"
MISS MADEUP OLDGAL: Yes, / love
the old oak; it is associated with so
many hours spent beneath its shade. Is
carries me back to my childhood, when
when" Young Poodle: When you
-er-planted it%'
THE Rev. Mr.--- was once called
upon to marry a man to his fourth wife,
AS he approached the couple he said:
Please to rise" The man Wiggled
about in his chair a moment and finally
spoke: We've usually sotl"
THE young girl who sings for company
in the front parlor, You must wake,
and call me early, mother dear" is the
creature who expects her mother to
make the fire, get the milk, and bring
her breakfast up to her room.
YES, mamma, I took three Jumps of
sugar out of thecupboard, J." says the little
girl contritely. "That was very naughty
indeed; but as you have confessed it, I
shall forgive you. Go and sin no more"
"Then give me. the other lump only
took two"
SKIRTS are. to be gathered to the waist
this winter, says the fashion journals.
Heyings! are we going to have mud
waist deep!- Mss Addie Boyd. No, no,
that means the waist of the young men,
and includes the young woman in the
skirt.
He had just landed from a three years
whaling voyage, and overcome by his
joyful reception, found himself before
the police court. Your honor" he
said, plaintively, "Pm a simple sailor,
lowly born" Z" Thirty days for the
drunk, six months for Pinafore,'" was
the ringing sentence; and the poor tar,
bewildered, was dragged to his dungeon
cell, and deprived of telephone COM