The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1879-12-18
c M FANCIEs.

weigh.
The lamplighter has bright prospects
before him.
Tailors make Irresistible lovers. They
know how to press a suit.
Why is a grocer who gives short mea.
sure, like an ambuscade2 Because he
lies in weight.
AS the man heard his dog barking for
him when lie left him at home, he said
it was his left borrower.
1t is a current bard who sings 4 sat
alone with my conscience Two to one
he never had less fun in all his born
days.
Nothing, says the Detroit Free Press,
seems impossible in this scientific age
unless it be to secure the payment OF
borrowed money.
The melnest girl in the universe lives
in Philadelphia. pa she said, 4 do
wish you would lend me your lovely red
nose to paint my cheeks with
An advertisement says: "a good man
to cook is wanted In the country 1t
must be a cannibal country, where the
missionary supply has run short.
Mamma-'Well. Rosie, what did you
have at your grandchildren Rosie
Lots Of apples and pears, mal-and
some sweet cider-but it was so souri,
A young lady who dida't admire the
custom in vogue among her sisters Of
writing q letter, and then cross-writing
it to eligibility, said she would prefer
her epistles without an overskirt.'
1t is pleasant for a man to 60 early to
a church sociable, and then nit in the
parlor and listen to every fresh male
arrival knock his new silk off the top
peg in the hat rack, down to the floor.
There is moaning and crashing of
teeth in society because of the wal upon
smugglers, and more than one Flora
McFlimsey will have nothing in the
way of Partisan hnery to wear this win
ter.
The Zulu lady wears her wedding ring
in her nose. A double purpose is thus
served. 1t discourages promiscuous
kissing, and she is in little danger of
losing her ring. She always 0 where
it is.
At Logan, Utah, the other night, a
Limburger cheese factory was struck by
lightning and all the people moved out
of town. The lightning fash also
skulked away with its tail between it's
legs rs if ashamed of itself.
well, my DEAR said the head of the
family, a day or two since, what part of
the chicken will you have?' The little
lady in speculative mood viewed the
steaming fowl and replied: why, I'd
like a piece Of the wrist, papa
A party Of Cleveland youths marched
around town the other day wearing ele'
gantly trimmed bonnets. When the
police asked them TO explain, the young
men pointed to ladies promenading the
streets with mems hats on, and simply
said, Turn about is fair play
Young physicians are said to imagine
they have every disease extant as they
come across it in their studies or prac-
tice, and a drug clerk has been found in
Cadiz, KY, who suffers from the effect
of every drug he handles with all the
symptoms felt by the person for whom
it is intended.
An article in a greenback paper is
headed, Organize and a v this nation.
What kind of a nation Is this, Rnyhow9
A mar don't more than turn his back to
go about his business before some one
is pulling at his coat tail to come and
save this nation. Better put this nation
on ice. -MiiWaukee San.
There comes o time in q young mans
experience when it suddenly dawns upon
his youthful mind hat life is stern and
real, and that only by the severest labor
and greatest self-denial can he hope to
accumulate ever a modicum of wealth.
Then he promptly marries a girl with a
wart on her nose and goes home to live
with her sixty-thoussnd dollar parents.
A piece of poetry written some years
ago contains the line, Il hear the muhlsd
tramp of years come stealing up the
Of time This is all right, and
probably suited to the aga in which it
was written, but nowadays it would be
more appropriate to say, Il hear tue
tramp of twenty.seven years
come shutting up the garden walk, and
III fly and lock the door before he steals
the overcoat in the hail. Time works
wondrous changes, and poetry must be
made TO fit the age in which we live.
We are informed that a bag contain.
ing 81, 200 in new American gold coin
eighteen pounds, eight and a
half ounces, 1t is great satisfaction to
know this. When an editor carries
home q bag containing IS, 600 every
Saturday night, it ~provokes him to be
to guess at tho weight, and he
has conscientious scruples against stop
ping in a grocery store on the road to
have it weighed, for the grocer might
ask him il he couldn't settle for the last
kit OF mackerel sent down to his house.
Postal Railway Statistics.
During the last fiscal year 6lty-nine
of railway postofices have been