The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1879-05-17
This trifiing gift accept OF me;
Its use / would commend.
In sunshine use the brushy part,
In storms the other end.

Mrs. Peter Miller, of Helena, Ark, is a nice
nrmful. Though but four feet six inches high,
she weighs 403 pounds. She measures three
teet nine inches across the back, and is thus
nearly as broad as she is long. Her age is 6S.
She married at l6, and then weighed but 100
pounds.
CHARGE TO THE GRAND JURY.-The Judge was
dwelling upon the offenses in the penal code to
which the attention Of the jury would be directed,
and after touching on the crime of perjury, he
proceeded in the next place to say '' Then,
gentlemen, thar's subornation OF perjury, which
Is likewise forbid by law, and which reckon is
one Of the mcanest crimes that men get to do tur
money It's when feller is too smart or too
scary 10 svar to lie hisself, and so gifts another
man to do it fur him, and one OF yer mean, dirty,
sniveIin iittle-minded fellers Why, whole
regiment OF sich souls could hold jubilee in the
middle Of mustard seed, and never hear of one
another y!
Changing ones appearance too suddenly is
ALWAYS q dangerous experiment. A Red Bluff
newspaper man, who shaved OF his moustashe
and beard, the other week, was promptly run in
by the police, as he exactly answered to the des-
cription Of notorious burglar. The same even
inc his wife bankrupted n brOOm-handle and
demoralized a brand new silk hat in chasing him
out Of the house. WhsafldHd Recorder.
Richard Coeur de Lion was the most stylish man
in England, Of his time. When he put on his
tin helmet and cast-iron ulster, and pair of
Iaminated steel boots. and picked up club with
an iron knob and steel spike in the end, and set
forth on a crusade, the fashionable society OF that
day. considered him just 80 dressed to kill"
And so he was. And one time when he was
dressed up that way, fellow killed him.
-Ralrkeye-
A Missouri railroad company has received the
following application for the position OF Auditor
learn cOn6dentially that you want new
orditor, fr your rail rode If that Is so l would
like the Job, for l am gragawate Of the Kansas
City Commercial College. And no all about
counts I have not had any experience in rale
rodes, but have got branes, and branes count
In the long run. Civ me a trile, and If can't lay
over emmy man you have had, I don't want q
cent. Adrcss--, Kansas City, Mo-"
A CRUEL SELL.-Ten n dozen men were en-
loving the hot weather which baked the shingles
on ferry dock saloon, when a stranger stalked
in and inquired Of the bartender, - Have you
anv mint p - Yes, SIR" was the reply. . And
YOU have sugar, lemons, gin, brandy, and so
forth2'' I have The stranger turned round
to the crowd, noted the sudden increase Of in
terest in each face, and kindly said, % Gentlemen,
I'm going to treat every liar in this room. Let
the liars-the mOnstrOus liars-come forward. :"
Not a foot moved a. Gentlemen" continued
the stranger in n plaintive tone, ''dOnt be back
ward Juleps wait for all. Every one of you
who is known as liar will please stand up"
Not a man stood up. The strangers face be-
trayed keen disappointment as he ordered a
rousing big - mint for himself, and not q word
was spoken in the place while he slowly slipped
the cooling liquid through a straw. When he
had finished, he wiped his mouth and said,
Well, every truth-teIler in the crowd will now
stand up" Each man rose up with the prompt
ness of soldier. " And sit down again. softly
said the man. as he made for the door. They
would have sat down upon him, but great truth
tellers poor runners.
a beautiful time is Spring,
When the wOodc huek begins to sing.
And the bumblebee and ehicadee
Carry their heads around in 4 sling.
the black and tickling ants
Crawl up the young mans pants.
And the straddlebug and mosquito hug.
the spiders engage in 4 dance,
And the birds gets drunk on dew
And offers the robin chew,
While the owl blinks and the sparrow wnks
At the wife Of the gray cuckoo.
And the goes OF on spree
Along with the chipmunk and flea,
The odorous skunk gets laundering drunk
And tries to make love TO the bee