The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-04-26
PEEK ON CHEESE.
Tho Inventor of the Great Wisconsin Churn
aud Child-Persuadcr Combined Discusses
"Cheese as n FINALE

aud Child -Persuadcr Combined Discusses
"Cheese Finale"
George W. Peck, the "home mis-
sionary" of the Milwaukee Sun, read a
humorous paper ON Cheese rs FL
male" before the Dairymen's Conven-
ton, in Chicago. 1t was received with
roars of laughter After describing the
promise and potency of calls rennet
and the service rendered to science by
cheese in demonstrating spontaneous
generation, the humorist referred as
follows to some of the more lately
covered uses of cheese:
AS great power as cheese has be-
come in the world, it has not fairly be-
gun to be appreciated. The last tri-
umph that cheese has attained is being
introduced in the army as ammunition
To-day the soldier on the plains, in his
efforts to get away from the Indians, is
aided to great extent by cheese.
With a slug of cheese in his holster, he
bids defiance to the red devils of the
plains. On the retreat he places his
cheese behind him and the dusky brave
declines to follow. When charging a
lodge of squaws and papooses he waves
aloft his trusty slice of cheese, and car
ries terror into the camp of the enemy.
They fall upon their knees at sight of
the sanguinary weapon, and beg the
soldiers to take it away. In all of the
recent battles with the Indians, where
our soldiers were armed with the dead
ly breech-loading cheese, victory has
perched upon our banners.
"And Sheridan twenty miles away.
"The disaster TO our arms away off in
the Big Horn country, by which so
many brave men we're destroyed, could
have been avoided had that noble little
band been armed with cheese. How
different was the result of the battle a
few miles from the fatal battlefield,
where portion of the command, I'M
der the gallant Reno, was under the in
fuence Of cheese, ms shown by the ties.
timony In the recent investigation.
Cheese saved the day. Who does not
remember the noble words of the pat
riotic driver of the pack mules on that
day, who, as he saw the Indians running
one way, while he was running the 9th
er, raised in his saddle and shouted,
Give me cheese or give me death
/
cheese can be reduced to liquid form
and carried in bottle, fills want long
felt by army officers. But, as an assist
ant to the army In suppressing insur-
rections and exterminating Indians, the
cheese has many advantages not yet
enumerated. Why should not cheese
be used in offensive operations as well
as on the defensive2 BY the exercise
OF little ingenuity on your part, fell
low-cheeseists, it can be done. would
recommend that cheese for the army be
made in sections, with hinges at stated
intervals in the rind Then sections Of
cheese can be issued to soldiers, and,
when they find it necessary to throw up
intrenchments, they can dismount, hitch
the hinges Of their several sections of
cheese together, spread the cheese rind
out on the ground, set upon the edge,
get behind the breastwork and bid de-
fance to the bullets of the enemy, which
will be fattened against the boiler
plate that is found on the outside OF
all well-regulated cheese. Then send a
shell loaded with Limburg into the
camp of the enemy, and watch the dev-
astation."
After setting forth the capacity OF
cheese to replace the nue., and even tho
steam engine, as q traction power, Mr..
Peck continued as follows: "Cheese is
liable to dispute with India rubber for
place in public estimation. Is there
not some ingredient that can be put in
cheese to make 1t OF the consistency OF
an overshoe? I believe that cheese can
be made as impervious to water as the
stomach of politician. If it can, then
new field Is open for 1t. 1t may
not go to Congress-though / would
sooner trust a good, intelligent sage
cheese in Congress than some of the
politicians. Certainly cheese couldn't
! do any hurt there. But it can be made
into many articles that rubber is now
used exclusively for, such as ovefcoats,
4 belts, car-springs, and teething-rings,
and it will eventually take the place of
| China for nest-eggs for hens. There is
a great future before cheese, but it must
not be expected that it can attain the
proud eminence to which it is entitled
in day. There are prejudices against
cheese which must be overcome. 1t is
Just so in everything. 1t was SO in the
case of the Bologna sausage. 1t took
years for the Bologna sausage to rise
from its humble sphere to the place it
now occupies in the economy Of nature.
Bologna had to combat against prejudice
and live down scandals as to its origin,
with which the names of respectable dogs
are coupled. But it outlived all the vile
stories, and is to-day inshrined in the
hearts of our people, in listers made
of fiddle-string material, proud in it's
conscious victory over as implacable an
enemy as ever attempted to tear down q
rival. Let cheese keep q stiff upper
lip, decline to be interviewed by the re-
porters for the daily press, who will mis-
represent it, keep its own counsel, and
it will walk hand in hand with Bologna,
and wear laurels ON its brow. But ii
should keep out of politics. There is
nothing that SO bhghts fair prospects as
politics. Cheese in politics would be-
come a stencil in the nostrils of our
people. a.n.
"There is no doubt whatever in my
mind that an excellent article of marble
can be manufactured from cheese. And
what could be moro appropriateness
cially for an agriculturist, member OF
this Northwestern Dairymen's Associ'
alton, whose whole life is wrapped up in
the noble calling TO which he has devoted
the best years Of his early manhood and
his prime? As he stretches his wasted