, 1879-07-06
, LOCAL ITEMS.

What makes the Fourth Of july especiall
dear to US all is the fact that it is scarce. -,
"Stage-struck," remarked the toad when tn
wheels Of loaded omnibus ran over bis head
Talk Of the bravery of tho sterner se1! d.
you remember the first time you asked her
"Wll you take my arln?" While ron tremblct
all over like the narrative of stump-tail dog
| and experienced the sensation Of having swal
WHY, she took Jour arm as coolly as she would
| eat pickle.
Ex-senator John Il. Kedzfe has commenced
excavating for the foundation Of an elegant
| three-6tory marble-front at No. 362 West Madi
son street. The building will be erected cx
p.essly for H. 8. Newton, merchant tailor (whc
! is now Temporarily located at No: 354 West
Madison), and will be occupied By him Sept /
Now the swell, in style arrayed, goeth forth to
suubeams' glance, aud so do bis collars, and
his jackets, and bis pants.
John Wright, the veteran caterer, has apain
been awarded the Exposition restaurant, and is
prepared to furnish orders in his linc-the quail
1ty equal to any made North, South, East, or
West Of the Alleghantes. Office, IS Monroe.
1.-THE world" remarks philosopher, s'is
like ]ooking-gglass; frown at 1t, and it frowns
at you smile at 1t, and it will smile back.'' All,
yes, that is all very we'll, but when the looking
glass has blister about the middle Of it, and
wrinkle each side Of that, that twists your nose
up into something like a wilted turnip, and
draws your mouth all over both cheeks fn twen-
ty different sizes and angles, all the smiling you
can do ut it only makes it worse and worse.
Philosophy is all very we'll, but it can't smvoth
the wrinkles out Of looking-glass.
DR.. Justin Hayes, who has Invented the best
e)ectro-thernla1 bath III use, never allows per-
son to take bath in bis electrical rooms with
out be or some physician who has a knowledge
of its power and construction directs the cur
rents to be used. This is as it should be, for
the telegrams are sent to the organs and mus
cles Of the body as accurately as kilograms are
sent to their destinations over the telegraph
wires.
The ugly girls never get married, and the
common young men dte old bachelors. No
Is always "beautful and accomplished" and
the sheepish groom is invariably 81. the son Of
one OF our best families.a
H. N. Ktusley opens his downtown business
lunch. at No. 19f. Madison street, Monday noop
The lunch will be served from IL d. m. to .. N.
Swinburne sings, ~ hid nv head in a nest Of
roses" Did you, Algcrnon, did rou! That was
wisein you to hide it among the roses. Now. il
y9n n3s It nR IT, nest e, Of caboa
not have told, for the life Of you, which head
was yours. Stick to the roses, old boz, every
time.
The Adams & Westlake oil-stovo is recon-
mendcd BY the Chicago Fire Department and by
underwriters as absolutely safe from explosion.
II IS just like cooking over an ice-chest in the
summer. 1t cooks the meat and not the cook
oh1cc, No. 100 Lake street,.
The boy who WON'T roll up. bis pant-legs and
take run through. half au acre Of nettIes to
Show the girls that he isn't afraid will make q
poor husband Tor woman Who hears burglars
every night.
Dr.. Ridges celebrated prepared food for in
fants caves mothers world Of trouble. Mrssrs.
dale u Blocki arc sole agents for Chicago.
j. A Troy factory turns out about 3.Ooo0o0
dozens Of mems collars in wear not one of
which VIII stand 10 to its work'properly through
Il hot summers day.
4" How did I get .it?'' is, the title of nav
novel Wc don't know positively, but ire rather
think you stole it,. This brings the question
talrly before the house, so now 60 on with the
debate. :
See ]. S. Bast's prices On his beautiful original
art furniture at 272 North Clark street, before
inferior shop@worn goods.
"0h, doctor, how suffer!n uCome, come.
madame! Idon't believe there's ANYTHING scri-
JUS the matter With you:n - Oh, how YOU tor
nent me! 1t would serve you Just right If I
Fere to die right under your nosel"
: 4 clairyoyant on the West Side told woman
nat her husband vas not true to her, and the |
wife choked her until she Was laid up for three
Teeks. 1t happened that the husband was dead.
In selecting barber, remember that full
less under the eyes denotes language.
''Mother wants nice plump chicken. n1essa., ;,