The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1879-02-06
WIT AND HUM0R,

EVERY editor has his shear ally.
A"spARE room-The bowling alley.
OARsMEN should wear their hair in
rowlocks.
IHE perfectly-contented man is also
perfectly useless.
A MAN OF no account-A bookkeeper
out OF situation.
& ! soNG of the dry-goods clerk
Swinging in delaine."
GAs-sLIGHTED is what will become of
1t when Edison electrifes us.
WHEN man has no mind of his own
his wife generally gives him piece of
hers.
The world does not know FOOLS in
tirmities half SO we'll as a wise man
knows his own.
HE difference between our sanctum
and dairy is: One has an easy chair
and the other cheesy air.
Two things go off in a hurry-an
arrow dismissed from bow, and beau
dismissed by belle,
WHEN the Sultan loses his temper,
the ladies of the household speak Of
him as harem-scsre-'em fellow.
ART gives woman her false hair, false
eyes, false teeth, and false complexion,
but the devil furnishes her with false
tongue-when she desires one.
We hear of country school-mistress
who encourages scholars III running
matches. She teaches the young idea,
in other words, how 10 scoot.
A CHICAGO policeman arrested boy
who had an onion in the corner of his
handkerchief. The charge against him
was carrying concealed weepins.
A HENPECKED husband saidin extenu-
alton Of his wife's raids upon his scalp
you see, she takes her own hair off so
easily, she doesn't know how it hurts to
have mine pulled out"
The slim, ministerial-looking chap
with thin cotton gloves and umbrella is
the same individual who passes his
plate the fourth time for buckwheat
cakes -Ve1c York Express.
SEE she conquering zero comes
Boston advertiser. Yes, so a good
many business men remark, in looking
for their profits for the past year.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
SOMEBODY'S Coming When the Dew
drops Fall, is said to be very beauti-
full song. Somebody's Coming When
the Note Falls Due" is not so enchant-
ing.-Norristoac7a Herald.
SAID railroad engineer to an Irish
man whose COW had been famed: "But
she didn't get out of the way when I
rang the bell" Faith, thin," said Pat,
"ye didn't sthop when she rang her bell,
naythur."
A LABoRER, while breaking stones On
the roadside, having a shade over one
eye as a guard, was thus accosted by
companion: II say, Tummy, hast 'eo
lost an eye?" Why" replied the other,
"hast zee found one?"
WHAT is sweeter than q winter sun
set?" asks an exchange. Really, we
don't know; but if it's very cold night,
and there's vacuum In the region of
the vest, an oyster stew will lay way
over the sunset-Ne1O York Express.
WHAT makes your lips so awful soref"
Asked Sarah's cross eyed pap;
And Sarah to the old man said:
It's caused by small chap
Then Sarah's youngest brother
AS yet unknown to fame
Looked Sarah in the eye and asked:
what is the small chaps name!"
-Ezn,iSu Gazette.
A PREACHER in Kentucky the other
Sunday, becoming exasperated, paused
in his discourse to say: Ladies, if you
will give me your close attention / will
keep lookout on that door, and if any
thing worse than a man enters [ will
warn you in time to make your escape"
A LITTLE girl visiting aneighbor with
her mother was gazing curiously at her
hostess new bonnet, when the owner
queried: Do you like it, Laura" The
innocent replied: Why, mother said it
was perfect fright, but it don't scare
me" Laura's mother didn't stay long
after that
PAPA (reading from Keats est. Ag
nes' Eve ")-"The owl, for all his
feathers, had a cold" Mamma-"Isn't
that wrong, dear? Shouldn't it be was
a-cold?" Papa" It is so here, Maria,
but l purposely made the Improvement.
How was it possible for bird to be
cold? A cold couldn't be bird"
lofty" My cold was, pa The doctor
came, and he said it was thrush !"
Funny Folks. e.~5>t q. e-
EXERCISES IN PRONUNCIATION.
There was young fellow named Cholmondeley.
Who certainly acted quite dolmondeley;
When his girl said. Amuse me-
He stammered, . Escuse me-"
And then he apologized holmondeley.
His friends said his first name was Beauchamps
fTo pronounce it you never can teauchamps);
He resided at Greenwich
And lived upon speenwich
And artichokes, when he could reauchamps.
-Burdette.
Sand and Rats.
To discourage rats that burrow unde'
walls, don't lamp the holes with broken
glass bottles, which will merely incite
them to dig new holes, but put shovel
full of dry sand over each hole. The