Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1879-06-19
THE SPELLING SCHOOL.
BIZ A FONETIC FANATIC.
Written for the Transcript.

Written for the Transcript.
Twenty years ago, when some OF
US were younger, we had, instead OF
walking matches and bicycle contests, an
amusement called spelling match, in
which the boys and girls Of the school
or neighborhood ranged themselves on
different sides of the school room in tw O
opposing companies of equal numbers
and proceeded to wrestle with the spell
ing Of words until each in turn was over
come by some photographed monster
and compelled TO sit down, more or less
ANONYMOUSLY according to the number
already out of the fight. The boy or girl
who spelled the school down. had a
tremendous reputation for learning and
was the pride of the teacher and the envy
of the school. Occasionally an attempt
is made to revive these spelling matches
more for the fun that's in them, probably,
than of any hope of learning to spell.
And there is fun in them. The contest
is generally an exciting one, and to a fel.
low who has been sent to a back seat
with pAthisic, there is sort of recon.
reusing joy in seeing his rivals, who
1890" ,f~-'--- 1900 lace o'''so,"1 PsYuo;
or some other miserable little word which
is, perhaps, easy enough when you look
at it, but the photography of which is so
sublimely absurd that no one would by
any possibility hit the correct spelling
from the pronunciation. Bnt when one
is obliged to keep up this spelling match
through life, getting vanquished every
day, and never arriving at a point of pro-
ficiency where he can graduate and feel
that he knows how to spell, the fun of the
thing wears out and a sense of the insig
nificance Of man and his total inability
to cope with the powers of nature takes
possession of the soul. Did I say nature?
l retract the SANDER. There is nothing
in nature so devoid OF method, order,
law, nothing so unnatural as the or,hog-
raphy Of the English language.
My fellow clerk and are both growing
gray in this struggle with words, and the
Webster and Worcester and Walker die
tionaries with which we are surrounded
are always wearing out, but if there is a
recording telephone anywhere within
hearing distance of our Office you can
shake out Of it baskets full of this kind
Of dialogue of very recent date:
rs traoeler spelt with one L or two?"
both ways are correct; take your
choice. How do you spell 6eliece?
"B-e-l-i-e-v-e."
"How is receice spelt?"
Il believe it is r-e-c-e-i-v-e"
Exactly how and why our language
came to be so mangled and disfgured
and twisted out Of all recognizable Shape
in Its photography, is conundrum al.
most as tough as the spelling itself; and
probably few of those who have been
dazed by its startling inconsistencies are
aware of the full extent to which this bar.
barity has beencarried. 1t is affirmed that
there are not sixty words In tue English
language that are spelled as they are pro-
nounced. Consider for moment that
astounding fact, and what it means; that
the ratio Of sense to absurdity in our or.
biography Is rs twelve thousand to six
in favor Of absurdity, or two thousand
lies to one truth! No wonder that
somewhat anomalous belief, held by so
many good people, that benefcent and
merciful God consigns the beings he has
created to an endless roast without water
because they ate the wrong apple, or
were bad Children In some other way,
has been attributed to the demoralizinR .
tendencies of our photography, for surely .
q child accustomed to believe that {
is tho, and that
is thru, will afterwards believe ANYTHING" 4
Ofevery one hundred letters used In wri.
ling or printing, six have no sound at all in
[heWords, and serve no purpose but to illus {
rate the only real curse of labor-labor q
any useful result: In some respects s
English photography has improved j
little, While in others it is worse than it r
vas two or three hundred years ago for =
We find that the best scholars in those a
lays did occasionally spell word as it i
vas pronounced, or nearly SO; for exam q
DE, Chaucer wrote freedom, bizy, gilty and /
VA; forms altogether too simple for this I
advanced age. Some of our barbarous 81
pelllng Is attributed to the printers Of
arlier periods. As our shoemakers have
thrifty way of making, or trying to A
make, our feet. fit their shoes. instead ofl
making shoes to fit our feet, so the; nrin-
ers in setting up "copy" made the or. G
biography of the language accommodate d.
self to their convenience or the condi- g,
ion of their "cases" by putting in4or ex. tc
ungiug letter a. lack of :sorts" or a,
asy spacing might dictate. Our langu. o.
&c is flexible one, tho word Kerosene ~ .,
aving been. in the business correspon- m
ence of one firm, spelt 10 more than fifty 81
ifterent ways, and it is computed that The 81
ord scsssors can be spelt in SIX thousand "a
lterent ways by using combinations of VI
tiers actually employed TO express its y
FUNDS in other yvOr6a IF tho lon..,,o nn. | "
ut it fails to furnish terms with whfch en-
1tly characterize the supreme absurd pa
OF its photography, the complete dis. sa