The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1879-11-01
sH0Rr ITEMS.

A humor comes from Paris that bon
nets are to be worn on the head here
after.
A new felt hat recently purchased by
Mr.. Evarts IS believed to supply long
felt want
Memory would be the sweetest of all
blessings If we only had bright moments
to remember.
I'll join you presently" :" said the min
lister TO the young couple, as he went for
the church key.
The school-boys in California, when
asked How is the earth divided?" an
swer, BY earthquakes
'Gorhamightyw is the alarmed cry of
those Republicans who hear the grief
that George is coming back.
The rights in Zululand are described
as cool The English, however, found
the climate warm enough.
The biggest fool in the world is dead.
He told his mother-in-law she lied. She
did it with her little skillet.
Judges at baby shows in Kentucky
wear masks. 1t saves unpleasantness
after the prizes have been awarded.
"How to act in sick room. Don't
act in o sick room. If you must act,
join dramatic company or hire hall.
Mr.. Sullivan, of StarkvilIe, Miss, in
tends to turn loose his newly invented
flying machine on the 1st of November.
The kilograms which the ex-khedive
sends off from his italian residence are
currently reported to cost him S400
day.
When you see young gentleman es-
corting a young lady with suspicious
regularity, you can bet on that walking
match.
Any man who can swap horses or ketch
fish and not lie about it is just about
as pious as men ever get to be in this
world.
A Sunday school boy, upon being
asked what made the tower of Pisa lean,
replied, Because of the famine in the
land"
What is the difference between a
farmer and bottle of whisky? One hus-
bands the corn and the other corns the
husband.
A wag who had lent minister horse
that had run away and thrown the clergy
man, claimed credit for spreading the
gospel.
mo- said Paperwate, explaining ST
wasn't really mad when the old man drove
me from the house, but must say 1 felt
put out.
ssTalk about the jaws of death!' ex-
claimed man who had termagant
wife. "I tell you they're nothing to the
jaws of life"
"What is wisdom?" asked teacher of
class of small girls. A bright-eyed lit
tie creature arose and answered, "Infor-
nation of the brain.
A newly married couple can always be
spotted" by their baggage. They are
sure to carry pain of trunks and a pair
of travelling bags.
What must Brigham Young's feelings
have been on his death-be when lie
thought of all his thirty-six young and
artless widows marrying again?
Because girl refused him, an Ohio
man attempted suicide. The silly fool
never stopped to consider that no woman
wants to marry dead man.
It is singular fact that man who is
second in command at home always wants
to rule the whole of creation when he
gets outside his gate.
An exchange says that Pennsylvania
Drtch girls make good preserves. But it
doesn't say how much sugar you take to
pound of Dutch girl, nor how long You
let 'em boil.
The other day teacher asked an un-
regenerate pupil what the gender of a
certain noun was. The pupil quickly re
piled: 81 think it is neuter, sir. At any
rate it is neu-ter-me."
A little girl had o representation of
ssMoses in the Bulrushes" in her picture
book, Here, grandma" said she inno-
Gently, is picture of Jesus in the
huckleberry bushes.
When the Princess Helen was born it
was told the Princess Royal that she had
got young sister. 20, that is delight
fulF' cried the innocent royalist, "ao
let me go and tell mamma.
It NAV be we'll for Victoria WoonhulI
at once TO understand that we do not
propose to have for President any one
married to an English nobleman. One
or the other must be dropped.