The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1879-11-15
KAiFS AND WHiHs
MADE to order slaves.

MADE TO order slaves.
The dress-circle the belt
GERMAN Count zwei lager.
MANY persons use virtue as bait fol-
gulls.
SEE Leadville and die.-Rome Sentinel.
See lead wash and dye.
A HANDSOME thing in dress goods a
pretty girl.
How to cure the itch; first, catch the
ITCH
To gather nuts he climbed tree
He fell-neck broke-new grave you see
THERE is change in everything but an
editors pocket.
THERE are plenty of people who be-
lieve that non tst confession is good
for the soul.
How can you expect pie-eater to do
we'll in a long run when he's been taking
in shortening all his life?
THERE are only three things you can
get for nothing in this world-air, water
and advice.
WoMEN's heads are like safes; you
can't tell how much they have in them
by the number of locks they have on.
HUSBANDS nyer meet their wives with
"smiles' on their lips; they wipe them of
before they get home.
A WESTERN paragrapher remarks: "a
car bunk'll do, if it is in Pullman, and
not on your neck"
AFTER a hungry customer has been
served at a restaurant, it is the first duty
of waiter to check him.
"WHY, Charley, [ don't see how you
can stand such awful high collars!"
"Well duckie, Pm used to standing col
lars"
"WELL, Billy" said an old farmer
"when you take off that ere plug hat
and spit two or three times, there amt
much of you left, is there?'
CoMRADE:. mo; it does not follow
that stout, healthy, one-limbed vete-
ran is near dissolution, because he has
zone foot in the grave"
A DETROIT restaurant keeper hangs
out sign of Free Chops" and when
the old loafers come around he shows
them an ak and woodpile.
THERE be those who are forever talk
ing about themselves, and yet are ex-
tremely sensitive about being talked
of by Others. Strange, ism it?
WE know of great many men who
are SO anxiously advocating the payment
of the national debt, that they forget all
about those contracted by themselves.
MANY girls would rather wear their
stockings with holes in, than have them
darned, because when darned they are
men-ded, and girls prefer men alive.
A Mrs. GIBBS living in St. Louis,
notifies on her door plate that she is an
"elocutionist, poetess, washer and
ironer"
AN exchange says: "There is no
royal road to matrimony." Correct; both
king and pauper have to waltz RIG ht up
to the Captains Office and interview the
old man.
A YOUNG lady named Ruth, after being
knocked down and trampled upon by a
horse, picked herself up and walked
home unassisted, This proves that
Ruth crushed to earth will rise again.
A sTRoLLING theatrical company was
ut the dinner table. A waiterapproached
one of the members and said, "SoupY'
'No, sir" said the person addressed, ri
am oneOf the musicians"
CARE you a professor of religion, my
little fellow2 asked lady of her pastors
six-year-old boy, recently "No, nam"
was the little boy prompt response,
"Pm only the professors sonp'
The income of James Gordon Ben
nett is 81 500 a day. There is not so
much difference in his income and ours
Ours is fifteen hundred in five years, part
of it in sewing-machines.-Peck Nix
Waukee Sun.
A YOUNG lady who didn't admire the
custom in vogue among her sisters of
writing letter and then cross-writing it
to ELIGIBILITY, said she would prefer her
epistles without an overskirt" Sem
sible
GAN honest man is the noblest work
of God'-but it has been so long since
our gaze has rested upon one, that we
give this item as historical fact, and
not one deduced from personal observa-
ton.
CHARLEY, are you not going to bid
goodbye to your sistersT' 'tlf they love
me less, mamma, if their affections were
less sincere and unconventional. But 1
must positively put my foot down once
for all. | cannot be rumpled"
DosT know pastoral vale,
Some fragrant fowery dale,
Some quiet, lovely spot,
Some sweet, secluded