The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1879-03-07

Pork is the staple. 81 Cincinnati, but
New York's Got ham.
BAR-REL1EY<Drinking in a sample
room to drown sorrow.
DRAWERS of checks and drawers OF
cigars are known by their stubs.
THE man who said he was "out on
lark was really out on swallow.
q A MAN will sometimes tell few nat
ural lies when he goes to naturalize.
SOME men who can walk a match at
one time can't walk crack at other
times.
"CoME listen to my TAIL" said the
dog, as he thumped his appendage on
the floor.
ALMOST all of us are generous to
fault, if the fault happens to be our
own.
WHEN longing for mice rain," do
YOU ever realize that an ice rain Is
hail-storm?
A FELLOW full of Bourbon, Like q
rickety old building, is in tumble
down condition.
AN Irishman says that railroad con-
ductors are rail gintlemen." And we
guess they are.
"TvE got him tight" chuckled the
/" saloonist," as he assisted customer
! 10 the sidewalk.
WE know fisherman who is said to
be crazy, but we are prepared TO prove
that he is seine man.
WHEN the Coroner cannot find his
writing materials, why then he holds
Coroner's ink quest.
IT seems absurd to say that sick men
are often handsome, when, as every
body knows, they are always Unlocking
fellows.
CANT something be DONE" asks
charming little prude, to civil-eyes
those young savages who stare so rude
ly at pretty women?"
SPEAKING of generosity, you wouldn't
call man who has gouged piece out
of the bottom of his foot q whOle-sOled
fellow, would you?
IT is a fact fully understood by rail-
road men that the lines having the most
long tunnels on the route secure the
bulk of the bridal-tour trade.
A MAN who captured pair of crows,
which subsequently, escaped, says that,
from that moment, he could think of
nothing but the Lost Caws.'
HERE is another method of reversing
the situation:
The dairy maid pensively MIXED the goat,
! And pouting she paused to mutter,
81 wish You brute. you would turn to milk
And the animal turned to butt her.
A PROFESSOR in Cornell, lecturing on
the effect of the wind in some Western
forests, remarked: "In travelling along
the road 1 even sometimes found the
logs bound and twisted together to such
an extent that a mule couldn't climb
over them; so / went round
A WAC brought a horse driven by
young man to stop in the street by
the word whoa" and said to the driv-
er, "That's fine horse you have there"
Eyes" answered the young man, but
he has one fault; he was formerly owned
by butcher, and always stops when he
hears calf bleat."
"WHY is that like the nags them
selves?" said an attenuated man, point
ing to the vapor that rose from pair of
painting ponies the other day. Because
it travels fast?" timidly suggested by
stander NAY, neigh" replied the a. m,
as he lodged behind the wagon; "it's
because it's steam of horses"
81 KNOW where there is another arm
just as pretty as this one" said a young
fellow to his sweetheart, as he pinched
her fair arm the other evening. The
storm that gathered upon the lady's
brow as quickly passed away when the
young man pinched the other arm and
said. 1t is this one, dear"
DENVER Tribune: "They tell me
Leadville is pretty high up" remarked
ia Denverite TO visitor from the car
Donate field. High up" CALCULATED
the other, well 1 should say. The air
is SO thin that you've got to fan it in a
corner to get square breath. Why, 1
live sorter in valley, but many time
when went home at night l had TO
push cloud from the front door to
get in"
Your daughter has treated me very
curt" And the young man was lifted
up by the parental boot from the door
of his girls house to the middle of the
horse-car track. He arose as quick as
ue cOuiu, anu injury cApidiheu 1ihao ITO
hadn't finished the word, which was
"courteously;" and Alphonso was taken
under the inhospitable roof once more,
had his pantaloons mended, was done
up in salve, and then sent home to his
ma in hack. Thus is true greatness
rewarded and impetuosity rebuked.
MARY's CHILL.
Mary had little chill
Which gave her heaps of pain;
And when she tried TO shake that chill.
IL shook her back again.
IL followed her to school one day,
Which against the rule:
II made the children laugh to SEQ
Poor Mary shake in school.
And 80 the teacher sent her home.
And babe her take some lie,
To reconstruct her system and
To liquidatc tho bile.
What makes poor Mary have the chills
And shake so awful badi
Why don't she take gross of pills
And wear iver-padr
ST. Louis TtmesJouraal.