The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1879-10-30
BRIC-4-BR1C,

--lIoW to tell q hostile Indian
whisper it to him through tho tele
phone.
When cat is SO mad That he hair
stands on end she has a fur straight
appearance.
When we look west we feel that
we would like to sec an Indian fall in
stead Of an Indian summer.
People who do things too mean
for the public to know, entertain very
lofty ideas OH the subject OF "correct
and pure" journalism.
1t is the soft song Of the hero of
Fostoria: "Stick close to yotlr yard
stick, and never go to war, and you'll
be tho ruler Of Ohioar."
An exchange says: .'Ict girls be
girls That may suit some Of them,
but nine out Of every ten would rather
be a married woman.
: Chicago has just had q market
quotation for its board of aldermen,
Il lobbyist recently promising to secure
majority in the common council for
two thousand dollars.
The Rev. Mr.. Gaul, Of Philadcl-
phia, went to Il mcnagcric, and did not
find all the animals That hc had seen
pictured on tho street posters. lie
denounced the show from his pulpit rs
u h,mbug.
Why arc you looking at me so
intcntly, Alicc?" said Theodore. "I
was gazing at vacancy" replied Alice,
drcamily; and yet there is twinkle
about her mouth that shows her ap-
praiscmcnt Of the young man.
Pedestrian (who has lust droppcd
half-a-crown in front of ''thc Blind'O ::
"Why, you oontoun;lad humbug,
you're not blindw Bcggur: "Not I,
sir! If the card says: | am, they must
nave given nc wrong one. I'm deaf
and dlmbW
when q man buys new hat his
male acqu'intanccs take it of, examine
it and inquire the price. When q
woman gets q new one her female
friends turn up their noses at il and
call it "lorrid thing" That is the
difference between the two.
or course we don't believe the re-
port that Mary Anderson employed
that woman to shoot her manager and
then commit suicide for the purpose of
securing few thousand dollars worth
of free advertising. 1t may look that
way, howcvcr.-No,3iSto,t o,t,N Herald.
"A pcrplcXcd German who had
made Il garment for Il youth, and found
himself unable TO dispose of the sur
plus 1ullncss which appeared when
trying il OH tho young candidate, de-
clarcd vociicrously that '',lc coat ish
goot. 1t ish no fault Of dc coat. DO
poy ish too SLIM"
An exchange says: "Kcroscnc
will make tcakettlGs shine rs bright
rs ncw." eyes," remarks another
paper, ''kcrOscnc will do wonders; it
will make Il whole house shine SO that
il can be seen for miles, but it is dread
fully destructive to paint"
If the young ladies attending
church would give moro attention to
tic number Of the hymn the pastor
gives out, and not so much attention
to the number of hims that arc in the
church, they would not be SO apt to
sing one hymn while the congregation
are singing another.
"A London scientific journal saws
the cucumber is known to have been
cultivated for more than three tllous-
and ycars-that it was extensively
grown in ancient Egypt. Perhaps it
was the cucumber and not the asp that
Cleopatra took to her bosom with that
fatal result. We always did doubt
that snake story.
-"AIamma," said wicked young
stcr, "am your canoeW "No, my
child, why do you ask?" ooh, be-
cause you always say you like to SEQ
people paddle their own canoe; and |
didn't know but maybe was yours"
The boy went out Of the door with
more reference to speed than grace.
Mrs. Dunshuddcr fed q tramp ycs-
tcrday because he wore an old army
coat of faded blue. "You went
through the war!" said tho svmpa-
thctic soul. "Ycs'm; | was drum
mcr," and when the fellow reached
the sidewalk he concluded tho SEN
tcncc, "fOr hardware store in Chi
cago."-Utica ObserUcr.
The Austin RecciUe saws: An In-
dian came into this Office on Sunday
while one of tho compositors was dis
trlbutlng type. The Indian said {:
"1ou work Sunday?" And upon
being answered in the affirmative, con
tinucd: "W Work Sunday he 60 down
HI; Indian no work Sunday 90 up
star" Some one has been stufiing that
Indian. Whoever heard of All Indian
going to the stars?
PROM tho British fleet in Eastern
waters: a young midshipman went
out to join his ship, commanded by a
gallant officer, or otherwise rather q
Don. lie was met on deck by the
captain, who said: "Wcll, youngster,
SO you've come to join us. I suppose
it's the story-thc fool of tho family,
CHI? Iiaw, haw!" TO which the mid
dy replied, in squcaky voice, "Oh,
no, sir; it's all changed since your
day" Exit captain.
An English paper relates that in a
farm house ut Kirkcaldy, q tempting
ham hung from one of the raftcrs, and
a rat with rare instinct gnawcd a hole
in the woodwork directly over it, de-
sccnding, ate its way into tho interior
Of tho sweet morscl. One day tho
housewife started to take the ham
down, when out boltcd tho dcprcdator
and up through tho hole. Tho ham
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