Smyrna times., 1879-10-22
WHOLE NO. 1,211.
Newspaper Waits,

\ Walking Match-Calves betting on
Calves.-B0st0l Transcript
a rurnor comes from Paris that bonnets
are TO be worn on the head hereafter.
No matter how much a candidate itches
for Office he never likes to be scratched
Syracuse HraH.
Indian summer this. And speaking of
Indian summer, that's about all that is left
that the Indian can call his own.-1Dany
journal.
:" l rise for information" said a member
of a legislative body. 81 am very glad to
hear it. said q bystander, mo man wants
it more"
A recent obituary notice says: Mr..
Smith was an estimable citizen. lie died
with perfect resignation. lie had recently
| been married.
Mother VERY swectIy) to children who
have just had a distribution of candy:
What do children say when they get
candy?' Chorus Morcr
"Wilt you have some more beans,
/ JOhnnyY "NO." No what?' "No
BEANS" says johnny, solemnly, pretending
] IlOI 10 understand NIldL Is QeSlTGQ.
The worst case Of sclfshness on record IS
that Of youth who complained because
his mother put larger mustard plaster on
his younger brother than she did on him.
\ young lady's hat blew off and was run
over by broad-wheelcd cart. The ribbons
were somewhat soiled, but the hat is now
the very latest fall shape.-Norristoacn
Herald
a college student in rendering to his
father an account Of his term-eXpenses, in
serted: "To charity, thirty dollars" His
father wrote back 81 fear charity covers
multitude of sins
a ton Of gold makes a fraction over half
a million of dollars, and when a man says
his wife is worth her weight in gold, and
she weighs l2O pounds, she is worth
$30000.- I0nkers Ga@ete
The Marquis de Calino's last: They were
talking before him about cremation, and
asked his opinion of it. 1t is horrible
repuisve!' he exclaimed. Gas for myself,
| would die before | would be cremated =
a Milwaukee girl suffering from lock jaw
was left alone with mouse by the shrewds
physician, and she contrived to open her
mouth enough to give a yell that made the
crockery in the china.closet rattle.-BoSton
Post.
Teacher: "Feminine Of friar?" First
bright boy: Hasn't any," Teacher:
Next" Second bright boy nun"
Teacher; "That's right" First bright boy
Indignantly calculates: "That's just what
| said
Mother" Johnny, why do you look SO
down-hearted?" Johnny" Coz | haven't
got no luck. Jim Woodhead was the last
in the class, an Id worked myself up to
the last but one, an now Jimmy's died
to-day, an am the last again. Boo-hoo !,
A country editor in Michigan thus bids
farewell to his readers, his newspaper
having expired, "Good by.-Toll the bell
gently-This is our last kick-IIandle us
with care-Lower us gently to rest-we die
a natural death-The wolf is at our door
Bury US under a rosebush-Listen to the
mocking-bird."
Old Mr.. Hazlette, Of Oregon, thought he
was going to die, and in order that his heirs
should have nothing to quarrel over he
burned So 900 in greenbacks. He didn't
} die, after all, and now when the heirs see
him saving wood to earn his bread they
naturally feel that they are ahead of him.
, Detroit Free Press.
Old lady ION donkey =" Boy, boy isn't
this very dangerous ?" Boy-"Werry dan.
+ gerous, indeed, marin; there was a lady a
ridin' up here last year and the donkey fell,
| and the lady was chucl1ed over the cliff and
killed" Old lady" Good gracious; was
the donkey killed, too?" Boy-"No,
, marin; that's the very donkey. "-London
Fun.
; Let the next spelling reform convention
: be held in Maine, and adopt measures to
reform the spelling of the lakes of that
/, State. Some of the lakes there only a
quarter of mile in length have names half
: a mile long. the reformers might wrestle
J, with Lake Observation-Disclosures.
!, amackinogue to begin with.-NoTriStovn
! Herald.
@ Little Billy has been taken to see his old
t | uncle, who is SO deaf that he cannot hear
v single word without recourse to his ear.
/. trumpet Billy watches the movements of.
4 this instrument for some time with great
f interest and then exclaims "Mamma,
t what does uncle try all the time to play the
a horn with his ear for, when he can't make
4 it go?"
; Old Tom Purdie, Sir Walter SCOTS favor.
tie attendant, once said; Them are fine
| novels OF yours, DIR waiter; they are lust
i invaluable to me-" ~ am glad to hear it,
3, Tom" returned the novelist. eyes. sir.'
! said Tom; for when have been out all
: day hard at work. and come home tired,
7 and take up one of your novels, I'm asleep
: directly"
h They were courting.-" What makes the
stars shine so dim to-night?" she said softly.
e Your eyes are much brighter" he whis.
o pered, pressing her little hand. They are
married now. 81 wonder how MANY tele.
y graph poles it would take to reach from
:. here to the stars" she said musinelv.
:. "One, if it was long enough" he growied.
Il "Why don't you talk common senseP'i
a -ROckZand Courier.
e A green young man saw for the first time
l. a schoolgirl going through some of her
gymnastic exercise for the amusement of
It the little ones at home. After gazing at
h her with looks of interest and commisaro1
ton for while he asked bow near hv
d " Has that gal got fits?" "No,n replied ~,
e lad, contemporary, "that's gymnastics IA
ooh, tits, hey" replied verdant; mhs<,
u long has she had 'em2" 49,;
The winnings of Mr.. G. L. Lorillss NH
! Westbrooke stable so far this year am 4
! mate $4,000. Sensation (2l heads tta Eee
with Sl7,6OO; Ferida (3) next SIS. 3iaa 3 3 3
The Boston Herald mentions the Il 3SrSz
- in five months $4,000 worth of n pn6St
bicycles have been imported and ssYe3en,
le one firm in that citv H$x..8s<